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The Topical is the daily podcast from The Onion and Onion Public Radio, and the only podcast brave enough to ask: What if the news had sound effects? Join host Leslie Price each day as he barely scratches the surface of all the day’s top news stories. Journalism isn’t dead. It's using its dying breath to beg you to listen to The Topical. New episodes published every weekday by 5 p.m. Eastern time.

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A highlight from The Final Episode Of The Topical

A highlight from The Final Episode Of The Topical

A highlight from The Final Episode Of The Topical

Aired 8 months ago

A highlight from Papa Johns Comes Under Fire For Cruel Treatment Of The Bulbous, Deformed Creatures That Lactate Pizza Sauce

A highlight from Papa Johns Comes Under Fire For Cruel Treatment Of The Bulbous, Deformed Creatures That Lactate Pizza Sauce

A highlight from Papa Johns Comes Under Fire For Cruel Treatment Of The Bulbous, Deformed Creatures That Lactate Pizza Sauce

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Scientists Warn Americans To Stay Away From That Bird

A highlight from Scientists Warn Americans To Stay Away From That Bird

A highlight from Scientists Warn Americans To Stay Away From That Bird

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Nations Arborists Once Again Urge Congress To Lower The Age Of Consent For Trees

A highlight from Nations Arborists Once Again Urge Congress To Lower The Age Of Consent For Trees

A highlight from Nations Arborists Once Again Urge Congress To Lower The Age Of Consent For Trees

Aired 1 year ago

Arborists Urge Congress To Lower The Age Of Consent For Trees

Arborists Urge Congress To Lower The Age Of Consent For Trees

Arborists Urge Congress To Lower The Age Of Consent For Trees

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted

A highlight from Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted

A highlight from Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Team Of Vatican Geneticists Successfully Clone God

A highlight from Team Of Vatican Geneticists Successfully Clone God

A highlight from Team Of Vatican Geneticists Successfully Clone God

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Nations Hypnotists Announce You Are Now Under Their Command

A highlight from Nations Hypnotists Announce You Are Now Under Their Command

A highlight from Nations Hypnotists Announce You Are Now Under Their Command

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Deer Shot By Obsessed Fan

A highlight from Deer Shot By Obsessed Fan

A highlight from Deer Shot By Obsessed Fan

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Dept. Of Homeland Security: Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?

A highlight from Dept. Of Homeland Security: Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?

A highlight from Dept. Of Homeland Security: Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?

Aired 1 year ago

Fun Toy Banned Because Of 3 Stupid Dead Kids

Fun Toy Banned Because Of 3 Stupid Dead Kids

Fun Toy Banned Because Of 3 Stupid Dead Kids

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Congress Investigating Why Capitol Domes Atomic Vaporizing Ray Wasnt Deployed To Eviscerate Rioters

A highlight from Congress Investigating Why Capitol Domes Atomic Vaporizing Ray Wasnt Deployed To Eviscerate Rioters

A highlight from Congress Investigating Why Capitol Domes Atomic Vaporizing Ray Wasnt Deployed To Eviscerate Rioters

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from UFC Announces Their Athletes Will Now Be Allowed To Fight Each Other Through The Court Of Law

A highlight from UFC Announces Their Athletes Will Now Be Allowed To Fight Each Other Through The Court Of Law

A highlight from UFC Announces Their Athletes Will Now Be Allowed To Fight Each Other Through The Court Of Law

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Secret Service Agent Heroically Dives In Front Of Strong Breeze That Could Have Killed Biden

A highlight from Secret Service Agent Heroically Dives In Front Of Strong Breeze That Could Have Killed Biden

A highlight from Secret Service Agent Heroically Dives In Front Of Strong Breeze That Could Have Killed Biden

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Biden Announces Nation Will Rejoin Paris Hilton Fan Club

A highlight from Biden Announces Nation Will Rejoin Paris Hilton Fan Club

A highlight from Biden Announces Nation Will Rejoin Paris Hilton Fan Club

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from New Erectile Dysfunction Startup Sends Ripped, Virile Man Directly To Your Door To Bang Your Spouse

A highlight from New Erectile Dysfunction Startup Sends Ripped, Virile Man Directly To Your Door To Bang Your Spouse

A highlight from New Erectile Dysfunction Startup Sends Ripped, Virile Man Directly To Your Door To Bang Your Spouse

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Exhausted Researchers Inform Public Covid Vaccine Wont Shrink You Down To Size Of Ant

A highlight from Exhausted Researchers Inform Public Covid Vaccine Wont Shrink You Down To Size Of Ant

A highlight from Exhausted Researchers Inform Public Covid Vaccine Wont Shrink You Down To Size Of Ant

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Animal Shelters Free Adoption Day Not Even That Good Of Deal

A highlight from Animal Shelters Free Adoption Day Not Even That Good Of Deal

A highlight from Animal Shelters Free Adoption Day Not Even That Good Of Deal

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Shocked Authorities Discover Dozens Of Bodies Being Kept In Hospital Morgue

A highlight from Shocked Authorities Discover Dozens Of Bodies Being Kept In Hospital Morgue

A highlight from Shocked Authorities Discover Dozens Of Bodies Being Kept In Hospital Morgue

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Majority Of Young Children Go Missing The Moment Parent Turns Attention Toward Themself For One Goddamn Second

A highlight from Majority Of Young Children Go Missing The Moment Parent Turns Attention Toward Themself For One Goddamn Second

A highlight from Majority Of Young Children Go Missing The Moment Parent Turns Attention Toward Themself For One Goddamn Second

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Report: Leading Cause Of Death Still Venturing Beyond The Pines

A highlight from Report: Leading Cause Of Death Still Venturing Beyond The Pines

A highlight from Report: Leading Cause Of Death Still Venturing Beyond The Pines

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Government Lobbyists Call For Members Of Congress To Play A Little Harder To Get

A highlight from Government Lobbyists Call For Members Of Congress To Play A Little Harder To Get

A highlight from Government Lobbyists Call For Members Of Congress To Play A Little Harder To Get

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Hundreds Killed In Brutal Pro-Something-Anti-Something Clash

A highlight from Hundreds Killed In Brutal Pro-Something-Anti-Something Clash

A highlight from Hundreds Killed In Brutal Pro-Something-Anti-Something Clash

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from New Food Safety Law Requires Restaurant Workers To Take Full Bubble Bath After Using Restroom

A highlight from New Food Safety Law Requires Restaurant Workers To Take Full Bubble Bath After Using Restroom

A highlight from New Food Safety Law Requires Restaurant Workers To Take Full Bubble Bath After Using Restroom

Aired 1 year ago

A highlight from Northwestern Hospital Apologizes After Accidentally Switching Couples Baby With Random Man In Emergency Room

A highlight from Northwestern Hospital Apologizes After Accidentally Switching Couples Baby With Random Man In Emergency Room

A highlight from Northwestern Hospital Apologizes After Accidentally Switching Couples Baby With Random Man In Emergency Room

Aired 1 year ago