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"spies burstein" Discussed on Nobody Told Me!
"Welcome to. Nobody told me I'm Jan black and I'm Laura Owens with us on this episode is Robin Drake, former head of the FBI's behavioral analysis program and a recognized expert in the field of interpersonal communication. Rob is also the founder and president of people formula an organization that offers advanced report building training and consultation. And Robin is the author of several books including the code of trust and American counter intelligence experts, five rules to lead and succeed, Robin, thank you so much for joining us today. I'm really talk to you about you the former head of the FBI counter intelligence behavioral analysis program. What exactly did that job entail? It sounds very interesting. You know when you first do anything, it sounds like it's really complicated and that's kind of where everything originated from. So the job really tailed, you know, working with case agents, you know, especially across the field in the FBI that worked out our intelligence and they come to requests on their cases. You know whether they need a strategy for trying to recruit a spy or w agent operation or interviews strategies or false flags, all hoop, he spooky spice stuff, which is still very live and well, you know, it can seem like it's an overwhelming daunting things like, how do you do all these different things on it took a step back years ago a number years ago and try to co fight it because someone else to write an article about it. What I quickly realized was all it was strategizing every time we did a consultation or anytime I worked any of my own cases started rising trust, honest, genuine trust with no manipulation deception, just trust. Because everything life that happens, whether it's at home or work or anywhere is based on relationships and so that that's the bottom line of what I was actually doing. So everyone thinks you know, or might think that the world of counterintelligence or spies Burstein. I've is all this deception and everything. Some might do that, but I've found the most successful ways forward in life, whether it's at work or home with your children or in any job is to have good healthy relationships. And that's always based on trust. But how do you become an expert in terms of behavior analysis. I mean, one question. So I'll tell you and an expert is that's always a relative term because I consider myself practiced, I guess, as to put expert, you know, thank you. It's very flattering in my own case, here's how I sucked at it. You know, being self centered Taipei, narcissistic moron. When you're twenty years old and then placed in the jobs that I've had where really took inspirational leadership to execute them, you can buy that would being surrounded by some fantastic experts on on relationship building and having thankfully enough humility to know that I was doing something wrong and then just and then it comes down to. I mean, I've been with the government over thirty years, you know, with the FBI twenty one years and day in and day out my job every day was to build relationships with people. And I, I was considered the one of the most challenging sales jobs in the world because I was selling the concept that helping protect the national security nited States. Great idea. And I'm trying to sell the people that don't believe that. And there's no reason why they haven't talked to me. So it's, yeah. So that was really is just years of continually to try to figure out what these. Awesome people were doing and what inspired you to write the code of trust kind of goes back to what I said at the beginning. Whereas, you know, I had written a number of articles for journal called the law enforcement bulletin and back in twenty thirteen. The editor had asked me to write an article on counterintelligence never want written a specific counter-intelligence article, and I was really asking myself what can actually right? Because you know, some of the stuff is classified and you can't really share it. And I said, and I really hit me, oh, let me write about what my team does. My behavioral team and I'd never really step back and horrified it before because I just figured we came in, we listened to some what the case agents were saying about the people that they wanted interact with. And we came up with some adjusted great ideas by the end of the day. But when I took that step back and thought about the, you know, hundreds of Cessna's I'd done, you know, running the team in both in my own career. That's when it hit me that all. I was ever doing what's driving trust. And I, I came up the five septa trust, which was what I was doing every time I thought about a challenge of communicating with someone and I call it my my, my new car affect and why new car, we'll because when you buy that new car also and you start seeing that same make model as you're driving down the road everywhere. And so as I soon as as soon as I started giving the labels of meanings to all the behaviors that I was doing, I seen it everywhere. So it wasn't just that worked. It was. I mean, my son, he's eighteen and at the naval academy sons and my daughters, George Mason University for nursing, and we my whole family and all my friends. All we all live by this code of healthy relationships through trust. And so the code is based on five simple principles the first being suspend your ego, why is that important? Because the code is actually flawless. Nothing. I came up with what I call the elusive obvious. It's it's how people wanna be treated and. People are seeking to be affiliated with meaningful groups and organizations, and they wanna be valued, and we wanna do this generally every day, but our ego and vanity or own security overwriting what comes out of our mouth throughout the day. So if we have the ability to recognize when we're being to centered on self sharing too much of our thoughts opinions than ideas without regarding those of others, it's going to get in the way. And so being able to spend Rio and truly doing for others without expectation reciprocity. So you're doing it for their benefit and not necessarily yours. That's both leadership and suspending ago. What are some good icebreakers when you meet someone and how can you make a good impression with them? There's there's four critical things that I try to include and everything either say right to make sure that everything I say is completely about the other person, and that is, I think there's an opinions when you seek someone's thoughts, opinions, you're, you are demonstrating to them that you actually Dow you them and you wanna affiliate with them. The next thing I do is I seek to understand what their priorities are. There needs lawn streams, aspirins, what kind of challenges they're dealing with and basically how they view prosperity from their point of view. Because again, if you're not talking in terms of what the priorities of other people are the chances them listening to you are slim to none. The next thing I do in this is critical. Also, I'm going to validate those thoughts and opinions and those priorities non-judgmental doesn't necessarily mean I agree with them. It's just means validate means I'm seeking understand how do they come to be the people. They were the person. They were the choice. And they've made and do that non-judgmental. But for a desire to understand because, again, all these three things so far are rewarding their brain with dopamine because it says, I'm part of the tribe. I'm being affiliated in our brain rewards us chemically for these kinds of -ffiliated. And lastly, if appropriate, I empower them choices. So in other words, people don't like being told, what do they like having a choice and taken the time to understand what it is I'm trying to do, and I've definitely taken the time to understand what they're trying to do their priorities. And ultimately, when I give choices, these choices are going to be overlapping. And so again, it's going to be very good for them, and that's how I basically communicate. And in the cornerstone of that, you heard me say at once, but a great icebreakers is those challenges questions. And what I mean is apple what their challenges are. How important is he using a slower rate of speech when you're talking to someone and trying to build trust. Very important and as an extrovert from the northeast, I struggle with this.