35 Burst results for "imposter syndrome"
How to go through your pre-flight checklist
"Actually i am sick to death of hearing about this term imposter syndrome. It is so negative. Just got a so much baggage with. Let's turn it around and change it to a preflight checklist. I mean being a pilot. We can't fly. We can't plan. We don't know if the plane works without a preflight checklists. Only then can you take off and gain altitude and start thinking more about what. You're trying to accomplish a preflight checklist you have everything you need. Are you prepared. Are you moving forward on the things you need to do to get to where you wanna be so stop. Thinking about imposter syndrome is start. Thinking about completing a preflight checklist to get where you want to go.
Is Imposter Syndrome Even Real? with Rich Bracken
"Rich how are you today sir. Hey man how are you. I heard you miss the day of the week. I'm like i feel like the twenty seven months of twenty twenty twenty three. I'm just as lawson combined related in. Everything comes back to being grounded. When i get to talk to you so you man. It's good to see you yet. I'm really interesting to talk to you today. Because over the past few years and i've just heard piling up even more and more recently. Is this idea of imposter syndrome. And i've done my research. i've i understand. I feel like i've experienced it myself. But i also know there's another side to it at another camp to it so i wanna i wanna talk to you specifically about the different ideas behind it but just to kick things off rich in your opinion. What is imposter syndrome. What is it how do you define it. The biggest thing about imposter of that. I relate to in when. I think about what it actually is. expansion on. The typical definition of what imposter syndrome is so imposter. Syndrome is typically defined and discussed is not feeling that you're asked competent or worthy as individuals that are around you whether it's professional or personally or socially that you're not as good as everybody else's so you start getting into these inner voices of self doubt and self deprecation because you feel like you're not competent enough or you don't know enough or you haven't achieved enough. So why am i. Am this conversation with these other individuals. In where i think it also expands a little bit is to the performance because i think there are different elements to who we are and how we identify ourselves professionally and personally that we want to feel valued we wanna feel a part of the conversation it but then we start we start talking ourselves down off of that and that's where Posture syndrome to me. Starts creeping in becoming very detrimental. The that's the other argument side of things that a here though. Is that sometimes. This idea of imposter syndrome can be caused by jerks by people around you. You're in a bad culture and they're making you feel less than you do or maybe you do know last right. I'd definitely had people say you don't know what that is. And i'm like no while the that's why i'm asking like where do these. What sort of problems and of causing imposter syndrome is it. Just myself visit outside forces it a is it a mix. I think it's a blend of both. So when i think about my personal journey people that worked with previously is that there's something along the lines because again we if you think about the time line of your life from purity standpoint from a self doubt standpoint you don't have self down as a kid you really don't feel less than as a child. You're very creative. Your exploratory now depending on your upbringing your depending on how your family life or your schooling goes or as you get older as you get into any kind of extracurricular activities whether it's sports are to performance you houston start getting compared because that is win self-doubt sort creeping in a family situation that maybe you're talked to negatively. Maybe it's because your parents or your influences have been battling their own self doubt or in their own imposter syndrome. So they're trying to to rain that negatively down on you that could cause that so it could be an see that's planet or maybe cause. Middle school sucks for everyone in the middle middle school. Backer will change imposter syndrome to the middle school factor. Because everybody goes through that. I'm changing. I don't know what's going on it. We start really getting critical of ourselves because again like we don't start off that way. I've got two young sons and they don't walk around going really wish. I was better at coloring. That i am. They don't do that because they don't have that concept but has we get older and as we get into those extracurricular activities or comparative situations. Then once we get into our professional life. There's always competition and there's always comparison. There's this hierarchy of job descriptions of job titles and responsibilities. That really takes hold at that point. So i think it's a combination of both the early influences from social family standpoint but then also as you progress through your schooling get into professional life. It's that it's those determined to that. Really have an impact. On how you view yourself the idea of labeling things i think can be a powerful thing too because you can you can take it and set it aside and say and look at it and say okay. This is what that thing is a now. How can i address it. I know some people get heavy issues with labeling sings be but i think it's important powerful to be able to take these things that might affect you negatively. Be able to home them out and say okay. I'm going to set you over here on the table. I'm gonna look at you view this more. Three dimensional sort of aspect. Like what you're mentioning. Is it one outside. Four sets impacting me as a lot of outside forces. Impacting me is just my perception of reality of it's my perception of what's happening because i think it's okay to be in a spot where you're just learning and i think with all the things that we can consume. These days like podcasts youtube. All these different things on demand he can make you feel that everybody is further ahead than you are because you have all this access to these experts and you might not feel like that expert but if all you're consuming all day is these things about people talking about how much further they are along. Then you are. I can certainly make you feel that your of you experience rich. Have you experienced that in your career. One hundred percent in and actually there are several different types of imposter syndrome and the expert is one of them when so it talked about putting entitled is something there. Is that condition that you feel like. You've never learned enough in there for you can't do until you learn the right amount of things. But it's a cyclical problem. Because if i feel like. I can't do something. I can't progress until i learn more in learn enough. But i never feel like i learned enough that i'm never going to get to that point and personally from professional personal standpoint had numerous instances and again i go back to my definition of expanded definition of imposter syndrome. Where i wanna know more yup. I want to be as educated to be in the conversation as much as possible in and at one point in my career. I've tried to do everything about everything and that's
Imposter Syndrome With Kevin Cokley, University of Texas at Austin
"Kevin coakley distinguished teaching professor at the university of texas at austin examined imposter syndrome and why college students often have this feeling. During the academic year many students will experience heightened positive feelings in academically competitive and stressful college environments. The impostor phenomenon often referred to in the popular press as the impostor syndrome is the sense among high achievers of feeling intellectually phony fraudulent while high achievers are typically thought of as individuals who have excelled academically in many ways college attendance retention and graduation. Make students high achievers given them more than twenty percent of freshmen. Do not return for a second year. Researchers found that impassive feelings negatively impact mental health of college students increasing feelings of depression and anxiety students who feel like an impostor have difficulty internalizing their accomplishments. They see themselves as incompetent and believe they fooled others into seeing themselves as intelligent and accomplished impossibility have been linked to maladaptive perfectionism or excessive. High personal standards imposters and perfectionist are similar in that they are both driven to excel. They different in that professions are driven by an internal pressure of having high standards while imposters are driven by internal experience of intellectual phoniness and self doubt. My research found that impulsive feelings are especially salient among students of color. However it is important to keep in mind. That students of color are not monolithic. For example my researchers found that asian american students tend to have higher feelings of impossibly them then african american and let the neck students additionally we found a stronger impact of perceived discrimination on the possibilities among african american and latin next students professors can address in pastas among students of color by including books and articles written by scholars of color discussing the contributions of scholars of color in your field and having meetings with students of color and affirming your belief in their potential and deserve news to be there.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Start With This
"A relationship that has probably been helpful for his career. And that we've given them touring work and voice over work but it. It happens not because he had any interest in ladder climbing we at the time. We were not who could help him at all. We were I sold green energy on the streets of new york from a folding table and so the relationship was valuable both because it was genuine. And also because you know once we were in a position where we could give people work. We remembered that we remember that. How was a lovely talented person. Who was super welcoming when we were nobody and you remember things like that. I'm curious joseph. I think this question has come up in some form or fashion some event. We've done by an interviewer at a book. Enter something but like you in particular. Like what do you think makes your writings like what makes it your own. Like how would you define your writing style of you. Have you pinpointed it any way but what is what is it that you take pride in as as a writer for the type of work that you make. I don't know. I honestly don't i feel like if i tried to over think it. You could really threatened because a lot of what i do is i just sort of have. I've reached a point. I reached a point. Where i just don't think i have imposter syndrome much about writing especially about writing like podcasts. And books these are things where just built through years of practice. The confidence that if i'm like gonna write a novel. If i take that jump i will land as as my wife likes to say. Have you ever not landed the plane with podcast. With with novels it happens a little with like you know you. And i have been working on like tv outline and that is just a whole different world a whole different way of thinking about stories and story beats and there you do feel very like i don't know if this makes sense for television. I don't know if this is down to like. I don't even know if this is the right technical language to describe what we're trying to say here so you do feel that insecurity. Yeah about like about the writing. That i actually am paid to do on a regular basis that yeah i don't know just kind of i've done it enough where i don't think that hard about my style or my voice. I think i trust that. That stuff arrives that. I sit on the platform and the train arrives. Sometimes it arrives on time. Sometimes it arrives late that it arrives. Yeah i mean. I feel like i've learned. That just absorbed that vice missus over the over the years of working with you You know when we did our first novel of getting when we got our edits back i remember. There's there's a couple of things there than when we talked through the edits. You had a pretty good sense. I mean i got the edits back and felt very overwhelmed by them. And i remember you. We in for both of us. It was the first novel getting published. So it wasn't like you've done this a million times before me. But i remember just. This was just like the place for our brains rather our anxieties. Were about writing in general of like as we sat down to go through the edits. We got back. You had a very good sense of like. i don't think this is. I think we already addressed this. I feel like. I can clarify this with the sentence. If they're uncertain about this note But these other things. Yeah here's how we'll tackle them. Here's how we do that. And i remember you leading that that discussion. And i remember feeling like the list of notes we had on. The novel was some sort of like manifesto of how awful i wasn't writing things. Because that's what it feels like when you already go into something with a preconceived notion that somebody doesn't like you in that former fashion and remember that was a very comforting to me to be to realize like. Oh yeah we belong here. They paid us to write a book. We wrote a book and they only paid us to write a book because they thought we were really good at writing books. That didn't pay to write a book because they owe favorite or uncle or something like that. It wasn't it was because we have proven ourselves already. So let's take a break and let us come back with your assignments on durant cafe anime. Podcast youtubers streamers and members. Bring you a fresh cup of anime content. Weekly on thursdays. Listen for free on spotify. Hey they're creative friends and knowledge seekers let me tell you about skill share which is an online learning community with thousands of inspiring classes for creative and curious people right now. I'm taking john. Lago mercy knows how to make a podcast class. I already make several podcasts. But john has to and i am always wanting to learn more from other people in this field. I also took roxanne. Gay's crafting personal essays course. This is a topic. I have much less. Experience within. roxanne is one of the best in the business. Maybe you want to work on something other than podcasting. Her essay writing great skill share has classes to fit your schedule and skill level in graphic design illustration petar music lots more and they're all ad free with so much to explore real projects to create and the support fellow creatives skill share. Empowers you to accomplish real growth explore your creativity skill share dot com slash s. Wt you know for start with this and get a free trial of premium membership. That skill shared dot com slash. Swat and were back. I want to start with your consume assignment. You're consume assignment. This week is the podcast. Dead is by the comedian and actor. Connor ratliff connor was once cast in a tiny roll like a very very small role in the hbo mini series band of brothers but he was fired from that role after the producer. Who was tom. Hanks saw his audition connors agent for reasons. I don't understand told connor that it was. Because tom hanks thought connor hat. Quote dead is this. Podcast is a comedic actor of a common artistic anxiety the anxiety that you're not good enough that you never belonged here in the first place and that maybe you just have dead is if you look at connors resume and if you see his work you know that he's incredibly successful and talented. He's had a long career in hollywood. He simply missed out on one tiny rowland. Connor knows this. But the feeling is hard to shake. I find the show funny and frustrating at times in a good way but above all it's comforting to hear other artists including guests. He brings on talk about how much they feel like. Outsiders and sometimes failures in their field. L. love that show. It's really really been fantastic so for your create assignment which you to pick a creative idea that you haven't executed yet. Maybe it's a podcast or play novel album a painting. Even you know this work. Well you just haven't made it yet but you understand what you want it to say in how you want it to come across so take this idea and i want you to write a two to four hundred word review of your finished work. Even though it's not finished yet imagine that it's done and write this review as a critic. Find the positives of your work. What did it do well breakdown the technique of your finished product deeper analysis of your work. What did the work communicate below at service offers some critiques. To where did you work fall. Short don't make this a negative review. Every masterpiece has its shortcomings. Were certain passages. Heavy-handed was the sound mixing underwhelming. We're your color choices too. Austere think about where your work resonates with your perceived audience and where it might fall short and even where it falls short. Is this actually. Okay not everyone loves john. Steinbeck's hoop doodle passages again.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Start With This
"Any any dynamic. Yeah it's a way to hold yourself back and it's a way to weaponize your own outsider. Nece right it's a way to create a. It's even in the name like imposter syndrome like this is not an actual medical diagnosis. That you receive from dr. i don't think it is. I didn't research that. But i'm fairly positive. Doctors never gonna say you have imposter syndrome. So it's this sort of made up disability in some form or fashion this made up ailment. And so yeah you you can. You can really trap yourself in that world. I think what happens. A lot is we. We get left to project an assume interpret other people's body language and demeanor because we don't see them all the time you we're talking about having good friends people that you and i see each other all the time jillian and i lived together. I have close friends that i've known forever that even if i don't see them. I talked to them regularly so i. I have a language which i can if i sense. There's some coldness or some anger or frustration. You can address. Hey did i did. I do something to make you mad with somebody. You don't know that well and maybe somebody you see as a little bit higher up the ladder of success. It's a little bit harder to say. Hey neil game. When i met you last year at this party that i upset you in some way. It's an inappropriate question. Ask somebody barely know. So neil game. It never seemed upset with a party. I've never met him. I saw on a train platform once. But i think we were on good terms but the we were once in his house but he was not home he was not home. We were we did not break us. Oh i was going to have a different narrative to that story. I know that was later without you. No i i think. I think that what happens. Is that you start projecting an assuming about people that you can't actually know the inner workings in general people are polite in general people. Just if there's an awkward moment we let it go. We don't make a big deal out of it and we just move on we forgive and forget and mostly just forget so just hanging onto those things that can be really dangerous to you to start using your own interpretations of people's bobby language. Yeah i mean sometimes also though you have to trust your instincts on certain things like it's possible that you sent hostility from someone because they're being hostile and you don't have to turn that into a whole thing for yourself. Don't torture yourself about it but you can also kind of file that away as like who seems hostile to me for any number of reasons perhaps because they have imposter syndrome themselves or because they were having a bad day or because they just don't like new people there's any number of reasons but for whatever reason they seemed hostile to me so i don't want to try to pursue anything else with them You know you definitely get impression of people at an early convention. We did where we were just starting to be heard so we were not as we were very established as professionals as celebrities of any level. We just were not very Established and so is super interesting to see how people treated us. There was definitely someone at that convention. Very well known person who just made every effort to project that they did know who are care who we were and we were beneath them and it was clear there was. There was a hostility there. And i i don't want to like i don't wanna live with like a grudge against that person but it is just sort of a thing of like. Oh i in this career. I just have no interest in dealing with that person at all. They just maybe it was just a bad day for them but they seem hostile. And i don't want to deal with them. I says another writer we met who was just the absolute nicest most welcoming person. He had no idea who we were. He had never heard of us but he just was super nice and like spent an hour talking with us and so it is worth remembering to not get like also with imposter syndrome. You can get very in your head with how you treat other people as we talked about approaching people with hostility and and just remember that they are making an impression of you to that people do remember if you give them hostile body language. Even if it's because you think they're better than you. They remember that. And if you're super friendly to them they remember that as well at those impressions do matter. And last i think at the heart of it. It's work with delightful. People is the thing we say often on this show and and in our normal lives and part of working with the life. People is being a delightful person and just remembering that in any social engagement. Even if it's networking for work Is to not put the pressure on yourself that this is about success that this is that really what it is is. If you're in a job that requires you to networking event is to try and find the delight and just being social is to try and find the people that you can talk to because there's any number of people that you can talk to that you will find out. Later are very big deals in their field and that's super exciting. When you learn that this person has some level of success in whatever. I was at a neighbor's house a couple of years ago. They invited jillian. I over for dinner. And i have this great time talking to their nephew and then i found out later that their nephew is an enemy fighter. And then i got really excited. And you know he was not high level. Mma fighter. But i just. I was like it's just exciting to learn something about a person that is doing something in their field and really loves what they do and i think that that's really it is. You're just looking for people you get along with and can have a good time. It doesn't serve you to meet somebody. You think is higher than you really. What we're trying to do is just meet people and find people that are interesting in our lives and if you're lucky enough to be in a pool of people that have a similar career to you. There's a good chance you will find somebody useful and their most useful. Quality is going to be. How well you get along. How well you understand each other's art and ideas and conversations. I've never met in k. Jemison i met her once briefly But you know. I could go out of my way to try and always meet in k. Jemison because i'm a fan of her work but like that's just targeting a person that's this mindy kaeling thing like this is misguided. Feel like maybe we would be friends. But why is why. Are you targeting. A single person to be your friend and k jemison is certainly higher up the ladder in fiction writing than i am. But i don't know that that necessarily means that you should go become friends with somebody just because they can help your work along. That feels sort of that. That feels cynical to me. Like meet the people that you like meeting and feel comfortable with the friends that you have and i think you will feel much more comfortable with yourself rather than thinking of people as ladder climbs for going on this subject. I mean one. Very practical thing is honestly. If you're interested in making relationships that will be valuable as you move for a career in the arts. The most valuable relationships are those who are around the same point in their careers. You the you know you kind of build these relationships with other people who are also trying to do what you do. A new kind of can help each other out. I remember when we first met how lublin it was at a thrilling adventure show where they thrilling adventure hour show at the bell house. That was completely sold out. It was just this great packed. Show and you and i. I don't think night. Philip blown up yet at all so we were absolute. Nobody's and how spent the whole night talking with us. He was so friendly and welcoming and you know he is somebody that win came time to cast people immediately thought of and so ultimately. That's.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Start With This
"Is is it's a It's a sense that you're faking it and that other people aren't maybe that's it. It's the two parter of you're faking it and everyone else's yeah. Yeah that's absolutely there's a. There's a thing that happens in sports quite a bit in sports commentary and i think I've seen over the last ten years. People are starting to not do this as much but it usually falls on on racial lines. But there's this idea that certain athletes are naturally gifted and talented athletically and then certain athletes. Are jim rats. Their lunch box lunch pail guys right like they bring their lunch pail to work every day and they they work so hard to get where they're going and it creates one a racial divide us to like who's actually working hard and who has just been given naturally good genetics but it also like i think is part of what you were just saying to. It's this divide we put on ourselves. That maybe other people Perpetuate that idea that some people have to work really really hard to do it and if you find yourself working hard to get where you're going you have to convince yourself that there's some value to that Because i think a lot of times especially in america we tend to sort of elevate naturally gifted and talented people as opposed to the people that are plugging away in doing their work. I mean there's a few things here one is that the ability to work is a thousand times more valuable than natural talent natural talent without the ability to work as nothing. It's like i don't know maybe. I have a natural talent for stock trading but if no interest in stock trading i have no interest in doing that work so i never find out it doesn't matter and similarly someone could have the potential theoretically to be the world's best writer but if they don't have the ability to sit down and regularly right it doesn't mean anything and a writer with less ability who spends two decades sitting down every single day and putting some words down is a gonna get a lot more done and so have a lot more chance of a career or just even an artistic life in this medium but they're also gonna probably end up being a better writer than the person with natural talent because just again it's practice if you practice something you're going to get good at it and if you don't practice something you're not going to get better at it so even if you're starting point was higher up if you don't practice you know the concert. Pianists are really talented people. But they also spend hours and hours everyday practicing the other side of it as as you said like the you can weaponize the idea of natural talent because you you get into this thing of like well. It's it's undercutting the that our group has had in a field if you know if black people are doing well in the fields of sports and entertainment try to weaponize and undercut that by being like well. They're just you know. These are naturally athletic people. These are naturally rhythmic people. It's undercutting this idea that those people work those people practice those people practice just as much as everyone else so yeah. I think the idea of inherent talent is ultimately probably one. That's more harmful than at all interesting. There's so much There's so much like jealousy and resentment that runs through almost any field. Entertainment is no different than that in writing is different than like is no different than acting or anything else we were. There is a lot of weaponization of that sort of thing to to outcast. The other imposter syndrome is something that gets falsely generated. I think through through these really terrible tropes. So i think about this about Imposter syndrome for me. I don't think this is entirely at for everyone. But i've always been very self conscious about high fit in socially in the world right going all the way back to junior high and high school and even my adult life. I still have a lot of those same feelings. Like there's there's definitely like these tiers of popularity and success and as we climb into some news zone. There's we always like every time you look up every time you climb something you look and you see somebody is still higher than you and the thing is is that you get overwhelmed by that but you you start feeling like i don't have the ability to climb any farther i mean but isn't there always like something to climb. The grass is always greener. The towers always taller than you think it is. Yeah i mean there's always in any field no matter who you are. There's always going to be people who are less successful at it and people who are more and it doesn't matter if you're a stephen king or if you're somebody who has gotten one blog post on buzzfeed through somebody there's somebody above you and there's somebody below you and so if you get too caught up in that like i don't know i'm kind of now. Once we talked about the weaponization of the idea of natural talent kind of turning a corner on the idea of imposter syndrome. Where i'm wondering in. What sense is this like a thing. We should care for and and be like we have to nurture ourselves through this. And how much is this. A toxic trait that we should treat his in the same way that we treat say are jealousy or or any of the other toxic traits. Like i in some ways. Imposter syndrome is feeling. Sorry for yourself because other people are doing better than you. Which is i think ultimately yeah. It's a destructive trait and. Yeah i think in some ways it might be worth thinking about imposter syndrome. The same way we think about like rage or jealousy these parts of ourselves that may be built in but are ultimately not once. We should caudal there once. We should try to stamp out. I think it's absolutely tied to those things. I've always felt that that. When i feel that sense that i don't belong here you know. Who am i kidding actually. I didn't actually get my degree in writing. You know like i mean. I got my degree in journalism. But that's a different thing that i've made a career at you know so i have some training and how to structure sentences but we all got training how to structure sentences in first grade. And so there's there's that. But yeah i do think you're right. I think it is tied to do think it's tied to resentment. I've talked about on this on the show. Before which i think is a really self-destructive behavior and also can be really hurtful to other people even if you're the one who feels even if i particularly jeffrey craner. I feel resentful at somebody else's success. Even if i keep that to myself that that bleeds out into the world somehow because it makes it more difficult for me to approach somebody to be polite and kind to them to approach them as an equal rather than somebody i think is better than me. And approaching somebody as your lesser is certainly an outwardly destructive behavior but approaching. Somebody as better than you can. Also be a destructive behavior to the future of relationship if you think maybe we're in the same field and we might should.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Start With This
"Author played smugly and brilliantly by ripped corn delivers his speech at the university. It's a stuffy elitist crowd and a stuffy elitist auditorium and rip torn steps to the microphone. All right and confident with black soup black hair black tea and he says i am dramatic. Pause a writer and the crowd loses their fucking minds and michael douglas who plays a struggling writer. His first novel was a hit but he cannot bring himself to finish his second book. And he's there in the hall listening to this arrogant novelist. Bluster about how greedy is and michael. Douglas hates it just hates it but really he hates himself. Ripped corn so perfectly perfectly harmonizes with michael douglas's enter critic that voice that tells him you're no good. You'll never be this good but that's the thing what is good even does michael. Douglas want to be at that. Podium receiving applause and praise short but he doesn't want to be a smirking asshole about it. No he's misguided. Rip torn as the novelist is probably pretty good at writing. Because his pride allow him to push forward to keep making work even if it makes rip torn as the person truly obnoxious. I think what i'm saying is you can only be who you are. You shouldn't ignore what other people think about you. You do need friends and you certainly want to avoid causing to others. But if you're going to get anything done you have to get it. Done is announce to anyone that you want. I am a writer and you will always be correct. You might not have the fawning audience to cheer you on but the dramatic pause is entirely up to you. I am jeffrey craner. Nine here with the joseph fake. Hello joseph hi. I'm writer i'm writer. I love that scene. I think about that scene all the time. yeah. I don't. I feel like i remember the book better than the movie and i don't but i also do not remember if that scenes in the book. It's because it's such a like novel about this specific type of insecurity. The whole story is built around that in that scene. I haven't read the book but having seen the movie that that seemed so perfectly captures it. Because i think all of us that have ever wanted to be a writer and are all still trying to be writers no matter how much you right and how much you publish. You're always sort of questioning that part of yourself. Am i good at this. Like am i actually a writer at the level of am i admire writer at the level of in jemison or john's calls him i writer at the level of neil gaiman am i even a writer at the level of my friend who i've known for twenty five years or something like that. There's just that thing. That's that this always in the back of your head and the scene when rip torn is like i am a writer and he says the very thing we all say in our minds that we actually feel self conscious about even saying and he says it was such bluster and the whole audience goes crazy that it perfectly captures that that sense of imposter syndrome that completely related to michael douglas in a way of related to few characters on the screen just relating to michael douglas. Just as a person schorr very relatable man. I mean someone a writer just because they say they are is that thing you can just claim no. I don't think so. Because i think like like anything. It's an action right. It's a description of an action so if you're not doing the action you can say you're writer but you're you're not you know in the same way that i can say i'm a construction worker but i'm not like that's i've never done. I don't know this might be just a very jewish way of thinking of it of just like i just don't care what you feel on the inside of care what you do in the world. That is what you're defined by. And so what i would say is if you write if you actually write in any regular way. I think you're absolutely a writer and it. There's just these simple lines like if you write regularly you're a writer just subjectively what you are and if you get paid for any of that year professional writer they're just these simple lines so yeah i don't think you can just say it and make it so but you can certainly will it into existence just by doing it. I'm really amazed at the number of people who write regularly my wife jillian rights constantly and also sort of issues. The idea that she's a writer at all but she writes every day. She writes so much she just doesn't have any interest in publishing it. It's all just personal writing. It's journaling is basically what it is and some of that journaling. Is you know details of days. But it's less a diary in more of just like capturing thoughts and feelings about the world and is transcribing some. You know ideas that she got from her experiences recently or reading that she's had done and i i always find that really fascinating because as a writer always just been wanting people to read what i write. I don't really right for myself. And i get frustrated if i write something that i don't feel like is good enough to go into the world. I feel like i've wasted my time in some way. Yeah i think it's all about like which parts of you are for the world. In which parts aren't 'cause i sympathize with not wanting to think of herself as a writer because for instance i dance all the time throughout the day i dance to make my wife laugh at dance because i'm listening to music and cooking and so i'm just dance but i would never in a thousand years call myself a dancer or want to perform those dances for anyone because they're not meant for performance they're not designed for the world. They're just things. I do to kind of exist so i would absolutely call myself a writer because when i write i want other people to see it. I write for an audience but i dance just for fun and so i would never claim the identity of dancer so yet i think there is a thing of like you know be cooking. All the time doesn't mean that you necessarily want to be a cook. So maybe you just you know writing relaxes you. And you don't have to be a writer and that's okay and the term the phrase. I am a writer. Sort of it has carries the connotation that you are somehow putting your work into the world or aiming to get your work into the world so in the same way that if you set on a chef or cook that would imply that you cook for other people as opposed to just being like no. I enjoy cooking at home. Is the thing that i do. you know. this is all like sort of semantic stuff. It's so hard to pin down. There's no perfect rubric to say. Now you're a writer. This is the threshold the entrance into the home of being a writer but it just sort of i just find it interesting to to kind of play into that area of like how what that field sort of looks like. Even if there's a lot of gray area around it. Because i think it does tie into the idea of imposter syndrome of how you define yourself so what i wrote down for a definition of imposter syndrome. Let me know if you have anything to add to this Or to change about this. Which is it's imposter syndrome. Is this feeling of inadequacy in your particular field despite proof of competence and ability. It's the belief that you do not belong in the field that.
The Joy of 'Jingle Jangle'
"If you're looking for a mood boost in this season then. I've got just the movie for you to check out netflix's general jangle. I was absolutely caught up in the wonder and magic of this film. And i won't even tell you how many times i've played the soundtrack but beyond the magic i feel like there several life lessons to be gained from the film as will joining me in gushing over the movie today is jordan. Madison jordan is a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist originally from brooklyn new york currently living in silver spring maryland. She received her. Ba in psychology from spelman college in her ms couple and family therapy from university of maryland. College park and works as a family therapists at friends in transition counseling services in maryland. She's also one of our contributing writers here at therapy for black girls jordan and i chatted about the themes present in the movie. Why a film like this was so necessary right now and the importance of staying connected to our sense of play and wonder as adults. This episode does contain spoiler. So please save it until after you've had a chance to enjoy the movie if there's something that resonates with you while enjoying our conversation please share with us on social media using the hashtag. Tv g in session. Here's our conversation and be sure to stay tuned after my conversation jordan for an interview with two jingle jangle youngest man. Thank you so much for joining me today jordan. Thank you so much for having me you. So i'm very excited that you were able to join me because i feel like jingle jangle is the single most just adorable. Wholesome like swedish thing. I have seen in quite some time. I write it is really yeah. It really felt like a bom at this point in the year. That is twenty. Twenty right Yeah so. I know that you also had lots of thoughts and feelings about jingle jangle so i love to just kinda here. You know like on a cursory level. What kind of were your initial reactions to it. Like you said i mean it was just definitely a feel good movie. Great to see black culture black hairstyles. He saw dance moves. You saw so much of the culture in the movie itself as well and so that was great to see. I loved the grandparent aspect of it. I have you know amazing parents than they had me. Young and so. My grandparents have always stepped in albany very integral part of me growing up so i love that part that definitely warned my heart as well so the movie it was it was great. Yeah and it wasn't really something. I was expecting to love so i think he came out earlier this year. Right like in november. And i saw people talking about it and i was like. Oh maybe i'll have the kids wash that like a little closer to christmas or something. I mean then. I found out it was a musical and i'm not usually a fan of music. That was like oh i'm gonna love that and then we watched did the first time in the evening and i just first of all i probably teared up within like the first fifteen minutes right because it was so beautiful. You know and like you're mentioning. Just lots of layers in terms of the family dynamic and just like you said gorgeous hair styles and just it was shot beautifully right so i think it just put me. All of my feels in a way. That i wasn't necessarily expecting. Yeah i think my first time watching it. My dad and my step mom and my two siblings live in atlanta but i am currently in maryland in we decided to watch it together over net flicks to and that was nice and then we watched it again. I wanna say it was thanksgiving evening or sometime around the thanksgiving holiday inn. So it's definitely a nice family movie but like you said. There's a lot of generational things that i saw that were woven in as well so i really appreciate it. I think it's a great movie for all ages. Yeah i agree. I agree with it now. Because i feel like i can't ever really watch anything without like picking up some additional meanings. I definitely feel like i was able to get lost in it. Which i think was a part of the fun that i was able to really kind of get lost in the magic of it in a fantasy of it but i did still kind of walk away with like. Oh there was a mess we can use f. or something else right so tell me about maybe some of the messages that you got from the field ivory washed it now. Maybe three to four times. There's like three major themes standouts to me so one was just belief like believing in yourself believing in the magic of things and therapist in me kinda boiled down to like imposter syndrome and how that can make you not believe in yourself but also the like the pros and cons of it right because the competing toymaker. He stole the ideas from toronto. Will you know him taking drama things. It just showed me that. What's for you is for you. So even though he took it and made a profit in the beginning when that lasts invention that he tried to steal didn't work to me. It was because you didn't know what it took or what was the meaning or what was important behind. It like how drawn did because he's who created it. It didn't work for you so even though you tried to steal his shine it still ended up. Not coming to you. The way that you expected and then for dronka's like once a believer always a believer. So i think with his phil successes. It made him forget who he really is in. It reminded me sometimes with myself or with clients that i see that when things don't go our way we sometimes start to feel like maybe this is not for us when maybe it is. It's just that we're having some difficult times. That doesn't mean that it takes away who you are what you were created to do so. That was the first team that stood out to me because belief in the magic and all of those things in that being what made the the code that he would write in work and stuck out.
Facebook Engineering Process
"Facebook. My understanding. is that around that time. Facebook really didn't have much testing and it's kind of ironic because you were the creator of extreme programming. It was highly dependent on the process of writing unit tests and then writing the features facebook clearly reversed that process and was able to be successful despite the fact that they wrote their features before they their their tests. You you often hear that you need. Unit tests in order to build things like continuous integration. Continues to degration. Lets you move much faster because you have this battery of unit tests that runs at every new build. But i don't think facebook had that stuff until later. How is facebook able to move so fast with such a low amount of unit testing. Yes so that was. That was part of the puzzle. One when i arrived one of those. Hey this isn't what's in the books and yet it seems to be working and the answer that came to is that while the there's a couple parts of it one is. How many of your problems can you test for. And how many problems. Only show up in production so if if problems like if you're writing a simple calculation but it might not scale in production you you can't write unit tests for it so the facebook cancer is don't that's part of it is depending on the ratio of. How many problems is it possible to test for before. Production versus after if that ratio is skewed towards. Hey stuff only fails in production then. Don't write any tests. The second part of the answer is tests are a form of feedback and facebook. Engineers had many many other forms of feedback. So you'd right on your development server and you'd try stuff out and then it would go through code review his second form of feedback and then it would at that point it would roll to the internal site. So you get more feedback from that and then it would go through the deployment process where it would get rolled out to a small number of machines and then and more and you get feedback from that and then A logging and like operational awareness was just part of the engineering culture. So you'd get feedback post production of like how your feature actually was was behaving so. There's a bunch of feedback loops in place. Unit tests occupied for most development facebook. Just the cost benefit the amount of feedback. They added the timeless timeliness of that feedback and the cost of achieving that feedback. Just wasn't worth it the so in bootcamp. You're supposed to put code in production. The first week. And i was very careful to write tests than do everything properly. So i got in a fair amount of of. He got a fair amount of heat. Because my first feature didn't land for three weeks and people are like well. I don't know how this is gonna work out. One i was. I was wondering that too. I had a huge case of imposter syndrome. When i when i landed at facebook and realize just how different everything was and then the tests that i had written broke almost immediately and they were deleted. That was one of the things that surprised if if you had if you had a test and it failed but the site was up. They'd just delete the test. If you had tests that were intermittent that that were non deterministic. There were just deleted. And at first i was shocked. Like deleted attest. This is producing noise. And it's not producing signal if you eliminate this this noise production per definition. The situation is clearer all of a sudden the fact that you kinda wish that you had to test for something while you didn't and so yet just chuck it. Let's move on now. You probably wouldn't want to take that approach to nuclear power plant software or electricity grid software. That seems like a practice. That is uniquely useful. Four kind of early facebook where this thing wasn't yet a communications utility. It was more of a fun thing to do akin to
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Run Your Day
"Today's topic is this another case of imposter syndrome. I appreciate you joining. Sit back relax and enjoy today's episode. Armagh friends so it's been a little while said did an episode the case of imposter syndrome. That's creeping back is me. That's right it's not you. it's me. Sounds like a southern break-up that we're having here anyway Yeah it's been. It's been a tough couple of weeks for me personally and Man it's crazy when It's crazy when you when you commit to stuff. How like it's it's easy to have energy upfront. You know what i mean like. It's easy to get get all inspired and motivated. It's almost like having a halftime speech in football right like you. You come on a locker room yes. That was a great speech. I'm ready to go. And then after like five. Plays forget everything that was said during the that the halftime speech. And you're just like back to a guy like we gotta figure this out right and I think a lot of us run into this problem. I think it's just me sometimes. But i know this is a bigger issue in this world. Specially given everything that's happened in twenty twenty I think we all run into this where we go through bouts of being inspired being motivated remembering are y remembering why we took on things that we you know we committed to or we started to reach for a bigger life or we decided to do something different and then we have moments where we forget about all that and we just wanna burn everything to the ground when we just can't figure anything out when we just want to sit down and cry when we just want to actually throw our hands up in the air and give up. And i think i think that's a lot more normal than than we give ourselves credit for you know He's think that that was just me but You know i do think that. That's that's a pretty common thing with people and that really comes down to being the. That's just a symptom of imposter syndrome to be to be honest. You know. I mean what is imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is when you don't feel good enough. You don't feel like an expert enough you don't feel worthy for the result that you want or the you're afraid that people are gonna find out that your phonier you're fraud or or you're not good enough you're not worthy of whatever you're pursuing right..
The Practice of Shipping Creative Work with Seth Godin
"Okay I got a question when you think about the word creative. What's that word mean to? You feel like a lot of business owners if you're like me, you know a creative person that. You hire design things to make things look pretty to work on your brand. But here's the thing. If you're a business owner. You gotta think about creativity broader than just that. In fact, I'm going to tell you if you want to build a p performing company. You. have to be creative. From the Ramsey network, this is the entreleadership podcast where we business leaders grow themselves to their teams and the prophets. I'm your host, Daniel Tardy. Am I guess today is Seth Godin guys are you kidding me seth is one of the most brilliant marketers thinkers thought leaders on the topics of well a lot of things leadership business certainly all things customer service and guys I'm telling you even if you think you're not creative. You've got to listen to this because creativity. It's not just something that you do where you're creating things that are visual are designing things being creative as a leader means you have a vision for the future you see what could be and what should be, and then you create that reality that's why it's called creativity. And you do that through casting a vision and showing people a better version of the future creativity isn't just about designing things guys it's about leadership. Let's. Differentiate between leadership and management. 'cause they're not the same thing and most small business people just do management management is having the power to tell people what to do to get people to do what they did yesterday but faster and cheaper, and we need management because that creates the industrial economy that enables us to make and keep promises. But leadership leadership is not mandatory. Leadership is voluntary. Leadership is I choose to lead where I choose to follow you and because voluntary because we're doing something that might not work it's not for everybody but it's where all the juice lies because when we lean into leadership. When we assert to people that we think something might work. We might feel inside like we're not so sure but we're offering this tremendous. Privilege this gift to the people we work with, which is they're hoping that someone will open a door in China light. That's our job all throughout building the entreleadership area I was I was the first employee of entreleadership. We don't call ourselves employees. We say where team members, we don't like the connotation of employees because it implies punching a clock and exchanging dollars. For hours as the first team member in this area believing in this thing believing it could be this massive thing that's making an impact in the area of small business. I know I can relate to times that I I had a massive vision and desire but I wasn't sure how we're going to get there. I didn't know for sure that we would get there. Yet I was telling people were going here and and there's this higher docs in our minds. A little bit of we're really clear and certain we're going and I don't know if we're going to get there and you can feel a bit like a fraud at times. You can feel like I'm making this thing up why are these people even following me? Yeah. Imposter Syndrome rears its ugly head. A lot of people think that they're the only ones with imposter syndrome but everyone has it unless you're psychopath imposter syndrome is that feeling that you haven't proven it that you can't be sure you to do to speak up and to lead you must be a fraud at people say, how do I get rid of imposter syndrome? and. My answer is you don't 'cause you are an impostor in the moment you are leading in the moment you show up and say over here, you can't be sure. And if you feel like an impostor, that's a good sign because it means you're leaning into the work and so I am not proposing that we defraud anybody. I'm not proposing that we guarantee anything 'cause a guaranteeing confidence are tricky places the Hind but I think we get to say to people i. let me paint a picture for where we might be able to go if we're able to make this thing working and if people like that picture and they're willing to follow in meet with you. That's the best way to get to where you hope to go. I think tracking with this idea of we're always an impostor to some extent, and yet there's also a wisdom and having a sense of what we're doing. So we don't lead people off the cliff what's the difference between being foolish and the perpetual imposture and the way you're talking about? Yes so that all of this comes down to generosity. I rule no one wants to be hustled. No one wakes up in the mornings. Hopes own hustles me uses social pressure close talking. Extortion, whatever it is to get me to do something. No we don't have to hustle to make a difference. The alternative is to say, what's The generous thing to do you know if you saw somebody drowning in a few feet of water and you had a chance to jump in and Save Them? Even. If you weren't the best swimmer who ever lived even if you didn't have a certification from the Red Cross, which do it what would you walk away a say? I can't prove I can see ask you this person. That's great. You jump in the water.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on The Art of Online Business
"As we think about this, this whole concept of imposter syndrome I WANNA, share with you five ways to work through imposter syndrome. As you move through the fear and the anxiety that comes up as a result of it and so that you can kick start that momentum. In your. Business. When you're feeling it because again, we feel that impossible it can be very paralyzing it when it's paralyzing, we're not we're not moving forward. And so I want to share with you. Five ways that can help you move through that fear that stuck feeling. That can that can come up and so that to get you moving again. and. The I. Thought I want to offer you is that I want you to know that so many people struggle with impostor syndrome. Even who you see as the quote unquote successful people the people that look like they have it all together. There are a whole lot of people that you don't even realize that struggle with this. Right it's the whole. Iceberg Metaphor that liked to talk about you only see what's going on above the water. The instagram feed of their business when it looks all amazing right seeing going on behind the scenes behind below the water in. So just know that you are definitely not alone. And this is just this recognition right here can be super empowering all by itself to know that. These imposter syndrome thoughts are very very common. Right, it could also be helpful to share what you're feeling with friends of yours or if you have a mentor or a business coach or what have you or a life coach or whatever it is somebody who you trust, it can be really helpful to share what you're feeling. With them. And if you're sharing with a mentor or coach who Is Helping you grow your business, and they are further ahead in their business further further further along because that's what you're coaching with them because you want your help in fast tracking success you know they have that more experience. They can reassure you that what you're feeling very normal. And again, knowing that other knowing others have been in your position can make it seem less scary to you. So when I have my accelerator students in see I'm on a call with them or whatever, and this this sort of thing comes up like yeah. Ben There. This is how I get through it and and exactly what I'm sharing with you right now are some of the ways that I've been able to do that. and. So we're able to move through it more quickly and just get get you moving in unstuck and out of that overwhelm of who might be doing this. Number two is against some of these might seem so obvious. But when but the the key here is to slow down. And just do this work here in. So number two is recognized the thoughts that you're having. Be Aware of it. We have to obviously be aware of and recognize that. Yes I'm having this thought. This is what's going on. And write down what your actual thought is..
How Hostgator Grew And Exited For 9-Figures With Timothy Dick
"Right at Tim how you do it? We are live. Good. Are you guys today? Great Man by Tim or Timothy. Attempts fine either either we're casual around here. Yeah I just had an old business partner named Bradley and if you call them Brad, he would correct you so. Breath. People are you know kind of like that but? I think it just you know if they have like a maybe like a son are you know some kind of name issue like that but? I don't want to send my son. So we got connected through file give shout always love to do that. All the best people come from the other cool people that we've had on the show. Great like I I went through her mind sex pergram. Yeah. It's been two years ago or so I mean it's been it's been. What can you like I? Mean I don't know if it's like we just I'm kind of curious about like a before and after if you're open to sharing that kind of thing because she's been on the show and people have asked us like I don't have a good case study for you. You know it's really hard to explain, but I definitely notice a big difference. I went on I have like some level of success already in terms of like financially. Business Wise and everything, but I was like. Still had like A. Massive massive level of like imposter syndrome. Didn't really. Feel comfortable like you know talking. About it interacting like going. Like doing a live video or you know even like participating in like like. I was like masterminds. I was kind of like you know just the quiet. Observed and you know how to lot at Lake. Confidence issues and things like like that. Whenever I went through the program. You know we work through a lot of that. We worked for a lot of things to where there had been A lot of things that I didn't even realize about just like money blocks where. Hit certain levels and. Just, stay there linking thing yell at my comfort was getting companies around five million and which is you know I'm not complaining covered zone for a lot on that was kinda like. Consistently. With multiple companies like that you know and and just not having I. Didn't for. Four one of the belief Sui we kinda uncovered. Through was a I. Didn't really. Allow myself to. To have feelings So. Headed your feelings that this is like going deep now. Like, where would they come out in business or some other way you know I just I can't suppressed a lot of it. You know we it took a little while to You know to figure this out you know we. We work through it. You know like this was just one of the areas and you know like. It was Kinda like I like as an example, you know like you would have like a big exit. A company that Made like life changing money and. It was of like. You know. Day No. Happy. You know like or something you know really negative happens and just Kinda. You know it was just Kinda like I really just didn't. I just kinda suppressed it. All you know. Like I remember you know like getting. You know like whenever? GotTa Tesla you know the guys like at the dealership or whatever. You know you're. Are excited. I'm like. Yeah. A car. So, now you like. Ours. In. Not Getting. Really didn't change anything in terms of lake by you know things overall but you know what it really. Came down to a lot of lake Just, the feeling that if. You know any kind of like a motion was shown that you know I would either be judged or disappointed or like showing. Success Not Having Lake. That background you on my family growing up, and all of that was like such a dramatic change that. Suppress it a lot you know in Yeah. So that was one of the big things and just really just Kinda got over a lot of. I guess you'd say. Imposter Syndrome judging myself Quite quite a few things I mean it was like. It was a really interesting. Interesting thing because I went and Kinda skeptical. You know it's a lot of people would. Yeah. This is pretty expensive program, but I was like you know. I had actually had A. Recommendation. From Taylor Welsh. I. It was in his Iran masterminded stuff in the past hit traffic and for yeah and I, and I was talking to him one day about I'm like. You know I I. Don't know if I'm burnt out. Or stress out more or what but I'm just like. Not. Happy, and I was actually I think the trigger for talking to Taylor was. You know. I was like. Laying Very. Small in terms of like I had like. People coming. To me for consulting. You Know Business Consulting, and a lot of what I do now with Mba stuff like that, and I would turn a lot of them away. And there wasn't really a good reason. You know it was more just
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Maximize Your Brand
"And basically, what she says is that it isn't a disease or abnormality. And it is not tied to depression anxiety or self esteem. It is a feeling and experience a believe that can be hard to say, but basically the syndrome. Has a lot to do with. You know people who have a desire to really want to provide value to people however when they. Step out to provide that value. They ask themselves the questions layman's terms who am I to provide that value. Why would people listen to me? You know why would people want to be coached or to be led by me and we'll talk a little bit about you know what your thoughts are around imposter syndrome. Disclose de for me. And it's kind of funny egos. For me. Okay. So here's A. Just a prime example you introduce me to the world on duck boy that's because facebook do that most of the people around me they me as duck rock. And they know me as entertainers do in Hawaii that ran nightclubs and you know all these massive events and opened up as a rapper and a performer for almost every hip hop artists of the eight, hundred ninety and mean almost every one of them. And you know doing radio for many many years and stuff like that. So everyone knows Ms Dot rock literally a year year and a half ago facebook made me Jay's my name. They say we're changing our policy and you have to use your real name. So I had to put Sean boy in there but to to connect the dot the reason why doc rock ever Existed because I believe the fallacy that was taught to me by people older than me. I was somehow shy introverted and I felt for that and I believe that and what I wanted to everyone who thinks that about themselves someone else told you that there is no such birth traded shy. It doesn't exist is a construct that's event about other people to keep you quiet. For the most part. So when you go back and dig deep into your memory, it might require meditation it might require Wasco, but you gotTa get nearer find out who's the first person that told you that you were shy. Who's the first person that told you that you ought to be seen not heard that's the beginning of it when you're a child. You're trying to be a pilot and the first person tells you black people can't become pilots put that one the wayside. That Kimbro like is different us because we get it more and by we I mean all marginalized communities get imposter syndrome much much earlier, much heavier and much deeper. But trust me every human being starts imposter syndrome from the time you're about three or four because when you're three or four, you can't believe that your parents once we're a small as you're. You can't believe your parents didn't know how to drive or didn't have a job are always those long sentences while yours that you try to. You doesn't really come out or can go to the bathroom by themselves or all these other stuff. So when you're little kid, you're marveling at the adults around you, that is your very first first taste of imposter syndrome. Wow. Wow pauline says that people who are highly skilled or accomplish tend to think others are just a skill. She says, this is a spiral into feelings that they don't deserve accolades and opportunities of of over other people. Yes you know..
The Personal History Of David Copperfield Reviewed
"Saw Tomorrow audiences will have a chance to see a new version of Charles Dickens David Copperfield envisioned directed by or Mondo NUCCI. The personal history of David Copperfield features a diverse cast with Dev Patel as David Copperfield, but made his feature film debut in Two Thousand Eight Oscar winning slumdog millionaire. He also starred in both the best exotic marigold hotel movies and was nominated for an Oscar for the twenty sixteen movie lion now in the personal history of David Copperfield Dev Patel plays a young man trying to make his way through Victorian England despite numerous setbacks. He eventually becomes an author with a right turn out to be the hero of my story. Or that station will be held by anybody else. These moments must show. Recently Dead Patel join me via. skype to talk about his role as David Copperfield. I totally missed out on this classic growing up and I was sort of one of those kids that was false fed dickens as a child. In the curriculum and I I mean assist the shame most office I think. But you know for me in particular to be able to step into the shoes I related a lot to David. I think you know to his anxiety to his kind of imposter syndrome about a young man's johnny trying to fit in very much coming of age story and it's only when he can embrace his real truth and his past his own stories I guess that he finds triumph, and in this case, it says a great writer you know. I WANNA play a scene from the film Here your character David Meets Dora played by more fit Carter a young woman whose pet dog JIP starts a conversation with David. Let's listen speaks very well is actually I like to pretend he speaks. Some people think tick. Oh No I do it myself all the time? I I. Poultry. David Copperfield. Being the tree. I'm Dora. Okay. Perhaps, it's not surprising that spoiler alert the two of you fall in love and as we hear you as David have a lot of humor and charm in this film I WanNa ask you a little bit more about the parts of the character that really resonated with you. You said that this character was very much like you thinking about finding your way through life. Yeah I mean he's obviously You can see painfully awkward. And I definitely could key into that I mentioned. But yeah, I guess as a boy growing up in the UK you know from an immigrant family going to school and trying to figure out what part of my identity I should lead you know like. You know there's a kind of very much in Indian. Part of me in a very much a British part of me and you kind of end up role swapping to try and get through turbulent times in school. And that's kind of David he he someone that came from great wealth than lost only tried to get it back again NEC's constantly trying to change the skinny as quite a comedian in that makes him a great novelist. He's this observer that. Uses these his. Ability to impressions to kind of get these easy Lawson get in with the cool guys and not me when I was a kid I was quite the gesture in Mike's loss. Yeah. Yeah. It was kind of a way of just. Not Getting beaten up you know I was never wanted Nicole crew. So I ended up being the coal clown ally would love to see a little videos of death being class. Wow, that sounds so funny. Let's talk a little bit about your career. So you were just eighteen when you start in the Oscar winning film slumdog millionaire what has it been like to build a career after having such huge success at an early age because seventeen when I started that but it was a real blessing and I will I felt so equipped at this some kind of global stage that I was put on you know it was very overwhelming and in a way it made my career and showed even back. Then however many as it was that you know divest stories could resonate on an international scale. Fill most of Zych in another language and that was real movie stars in it and it still gonNA I don't know how many Oscars it did.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on 2Rich2Miss
"Or or try to envision what what would make you happy and maybe you won't be able to manifest that in at first or maybe you'll go on, you'll start a podcast gonna be about or I really want to do this creative thing and the only person standing in your way of doing whatever you'd like to do as yourself. So when you get out of your own way. So for instance is started a podcast about imposter syndrome, the very thing. Was Afraid of launching my podcast because I was afraid people are gonNA. Go we'll see as. I said and I said Okay and I, shut my eyes. Upload and the rest has been somewhat history and. Again, you you kind of touched on it for me I feel really good knowing I'm making a difference when someone comes to me and they said, man, I am fifty six years old. I listen to this episode. I had no idea that this was how I was feeling now have a name for it and I can actually Kind of take some advice in research it and figure out how I can start feeling better and myself in some students of confidence and so Yeah. I think that that would be my biggest advice is that you know? Give yourself some grace as well. in. This is a very hard time for a lot of people in everyone's going through completely differently some people are still going to work every single day. Other people are unemployed trying to figure out what's next trying to make ends meet but. I would also say that this year has been really shitty in a lot of ways for people Iran's end, and my other piece of advice would be you don't know what someone's going through suggests don't be in a hole in three not hard to be a good person. So if you feel like fighting on the internet or you're angry take a lap heron and you know go and clear your head because. There is a lot of negativity in the world and you know you want to bring light positively right now this is true and you know. I love everything you just said in total agreement and ethnic I Lotta this would count A. If we would just Kinda. Give people benefited a doubt. In Amin everybody has a lot going on and just like you said, just understand that even though you're having a bad day that person that you bought them to accidentally they're probably having a bad A to. Get under benefited ability. Know what? Okay you know. Either people say so be in is add take for granted that people might just be having a bad day today they just might be having a bad day is this. Okay well. You know because I think just alleviate so many things because most of the time people really don't want to go through the exit drama that we usually see the now if you notice that these instances, they've kind of been escalated escalated escalated into kind of like. Okay. Since we'RE GOING THERE Go but I'm GonNa Tell you interesting thing about imposter syndrome and I didn't really WANNA dig into it too much says. PODCAST and and s 'cause it's really interesting. I call it the show. AH. Lack of performance in. Yeah because I back in Once upon a time I was in a singing group back in school and I'm sure you're gonNA imagine but aside from all of that As a singing group and add equated it to a show in because when I looked at corporate America when I was doing the corporate thing, I noticed that it's kind of like, okay. If you do this battle happened if you do if you know this person. They can introduce you to the other person. Who Will Hire you? In a I started getting sobs. Before I got the job. That makes sense. I would be in a meeting and that's al-Qaeda job is this and but we're going to give you the job. We just gotTa go through the process anywhere. Just don't worry about all that we'll. We're still going to give you the job. We just got interviewer biases and I was like Oh okay. But then there's the bad side of it where when they get you to where they want you to keep in the box. In seal it that's right. I call it a show because it was lack of performance and it got to the point was getting up every day. It was a trip and sometimes I find myself still doing it depends on what I'm about to do is like it's showtime. and. Though I mean announced instinctively wake up in the morning it'd be like, okay it's showtime in you know when you're getting dressed and getting together on your coffee and your breakfast and all that I'm like okay and as long as you get to that I get to that building and and you know you keycard door or in their park alive and you see the first person in a you're like, Hey, I you know normally like, hey, how you doing but you cross that parking lot. Oh. Yeah. Hey. How's it going, man? All God buddy prayed that. You know he got his at the end man we had this and this I mean they just Kinda? Go through the proverbial most and psychology shell because when it's over, you get home as kind of like. Okay I'm away from all of these. You know people don't want to deal with versus doing you know what you're doing that. And when you get out of that and it's not a show, you just like what you're doing. Yeah. Yeah, I mean for me to go back to all of the kind of that conversation when I said like I started out in advertising agency, my boss. told me he called me in his office one man he's like he needs to be wary of the perception of you route. The office sounds like twenty two years old first job ever in my lifetime and because my parents my parents. Data said twelve, scoop your job a school war and I was like. All right. I appreciate appreciate my parents gave me an education and I use that education educate others and I mean that is that is the gift that keeps on giving over. You know it I didn't know what that meant and so I took that very hard because I was laying disres- though, right You're. Basically be wary of how you make me look. And and and so and it stuck with me and I've thought about it. I, brought it my podcast. Therapists. Pinpoint that being the first time I ever truly fell like an impostor and I was laying I've always had an. Imposter Syndrome is trying to fit in. But this was the exact moment where I was like, Oh, I don't belong here. This is not where I'm meant to me. I, need to be worried every time I go into a job that my that my Emma gender or the fact that I am a tiny blonde girl or my age. Now I have to be.
3 Instagram Hacks to Grow Your Following - Imposter Syndrome 3
"There is another dimension of Imposter Syndrome and this is the fear of failure or fear of success. A lot of people have fear when they become entrepreneurs as Wolf Nelson talked about when I did my interview with him even entrepreneurs that no, they want something different. They know that they want something new and they know that they want to do something different than they're currently doing. There is a huge amount of fear that we face as entrepreneurs. What if I do this and I fail but a lot of time and effort into it, you've put money into it. You've thrown yourself out there and the public even if it's on instagram and not with people that you know personally but you've thrown yourself out in front of people you may have talked to your friends and family about, Hey, I'm getting ready to do this and you have a huge fear of failure.
3 Instagram Hacks to Grow Your Following - Imposter Syndrome 2
"When you you take the plunge because if you cannot step up to the plate and you're never going to do it when you first start, you will be lacking the confidence and you will be lacking in your craft because it's new to you. Even if it's something that you've done before a job, maybe you've never done sales before and tried to sell it. To somebody so you might be lacking in that area maybe you don't know the finance and business and you're going to be lacking in that area. What you need to do is you need to just take that plunge. So many people when they deal with this problem, they wanNA research research research research, and that is the wrong approach do obviously need to research so that you can gain some knowledge and. Understanding of what you're getting ready to do.
3 Instagram Hacks to Grow Your Following - Imposter Syndrome
"I WanNa talk to you about something that many people deal with when starting their own home based business I dealt with myself especially when I was starting this podcast because I had never done it before I didn't really have the skills or the knowledge. I did some research up front to get going so I could try to start it off the best way that I could but in the beginning I felt like I would. Be looked at as a fake because I had never done it before many people starting the home based business might be like they don't have enough knowledge skills or even know how to either do the business or produce results for their clients. They just feel like they are a fraud and this is something that's called Imposter Syndrome
How Vivian Kaye Turned Her Hair Care Needs into a Multi-Million Dollar Biz
"K. is a fourteen year veteran entrepreneur who has bootstrapped to companies from the ground up for the last seven years. She has strictly focused on the e-commerce world where she built kinky curly Yacky, which offers textured hair extensions for black women to over one million in annual revenue Vivian has been featured on shop. Expert Academy Series Ted Conferences the way we worked and has been featured and digital publications such as Black Enterprise Magazine and refinery twenty nine Vivian, welcomed being boss. Thank you for having made such a pleasure to be here. Vivian! We've gotten to know you a little bit over the past couple of days. You've popped in on some of our sessions. You've been offering us so much guidance and. Radiance and your smarts and all of the things. So now I'm dying to hear your story like, can you, can we? Let's rewind a little bit and we're GonNa. Get into all of the wisdom that you have to share, but I want to know more about your entrepreneurial journey, so tell us like. Where did it begin? How did you get to where you are now being on Ted and refinery twenty nine this morning i saw on your instagram. You're on somebody's vision board like talk about goals. How did you get there? Honestly I really don't know. Because, it's not like being an entrepreneur was a big thing right, so you know back when I was growing up? Being an entrepreneur was for people who didn't have jobs. And so I kept you know I was always in jobs where the one person department one Person Marketing Department and then you know I was at a job one day and decided to start side hustling. So I started out my first business as a side hustle and then while I was running that side. Hustle I got fired for sorry I got laid off. That's the momentum. Laid off from that job, and then at that point I said. You know what let me just let me just go for it. Just go for it and do whatever I need to do. 'cause I'm young I'm free and I can. I can do whatever I want. And while I was running that business I started running, and then I had started a side hustle with kinky curly Yacky, so it was like I had businesses running at the same time so it wasn't something that I set out to do, but with both businesses I set out to solve my problem. And at the time I didn't realize that that was the best way to start a business. But that's what it was I. set out to start to solve my own problem or to solve a pain point that I saw people were having so so that's how my entrepreneurial journey began. What was the first sight hustle? The first sight has a wedding decorator. So all I would do is go in and decorate people's wedding so instead of being on a an event planner doing you know doing all those little things I focused on one thing and what it was I decided so there's a whole story behind that so I'm one of four girls and I'm the second the number two. So my older one was getting there. My older sister was getting married and she hired a decorator who who sent you decorate the wedding for? Say a thousand dollars right, so she paid her deposit. Everything was good, but two weeks before the wedding she came back and said I need another thousand dollars, but didn't have a reason why. Right so I thought well. Of course, she couldn't have paid for A. She couldn't afford to pay her, so she ended up having to hire different decorator that decorated did a crack tastic job. And so I'm like. Why is it so difficult? Why can't decorators just say that they're going to do X. Y.? And this is what it costs and Bass what they do and keep it simple, so then I thought well. I'm just GONNA I was been into decor and HGTV when TLC used to beat more home decor than reality so I would So I started I decided I wanted to be a wedding decorator I. wanted to create weddings that were simple, but fabulous so I would ask. My bride's like okay, so do you remember the last wedding that you went to? And they would say yes, will do you remember the centerpieces or the decor? Remember. It was pretty I'm like that's what we're going to do. So instead of spending mortgage down payments on decor. Why not create something that is memorable, but affordable and people just remember it was pretty, and that's it so that's what I set out to do. And it was a it was a great success, and this was a business that I started with no prior knowledge like I just figured it out as I was going along. And so I can tell that you're a branding lover at heart because you're like, forget pretty. I want memorable and I think this is going to be a thread that we we've through all of your stories, but before we get to connecting those thoughts. I went to hear more about kinky curly Yucky, so what was? What was the problem that that was solving? And how did well I I'm the worse doing I always do this. I always asked two questions in a row. So question one is more about kinky curly yacky. What problem did that solve? And then I'm really curious to hear a little bit more about how I do think that whenever we have side hustles and day jobs and we're trying on a bunch of different things they all start to. Tie together in some ways like we're always learning lessons from one thing to the next. I'm also really curious to hear. What lessons did you learn from wedding decorating that you're able to take to kinky curly yacky. That's a great question. Okay, so the first question was How can you KEROUAC even started? About problem so the problem was I as I was a wedding decker, and so I'm I. I actually live in Toronto, so it's one of the most Toronto Canada, and it's one of the most diverse cities in the world so I was doing everyone's wedding from you know the Muslims to South Asian to Indian to everyone, everyone's wedding so This is going to be a bit explain if anyone really wants to know the real detailed answer. I could always do that at a later point, but. For Black Women. We have to present. We have to show up in the world in a certain way, which is quote unquote presentable so most a Lotta Times wearing our hair, as it is naturally with kinky curly with kinky hair It's not professional. Why don't go professional? So I wanted something that looks like my hair. But would protect my hair because our hair is not suited to this north. American environment, it's it there's not moisture. It dries out really quickly but anyways I wanted something that looked like my hair and know what asked me where I bought it because I didn't want that whole. Nikki manashe thirty two inches of blonde wig down to my I wanted something that looked presentable. So I searched and searched and searched for something that looks like my hair, and then when I found it I weren't to a meet up. To just like a general networking event, and another black woman came to me and said WHO's your hairdresser? And what is your regimen for keeping your hair like that? And I said girl. This is a wave. And she was like I would buy. And this was in this was in two thousand eleven, so I thought well if she would buy it. And I bought it. There's gotta be at least a dozen. Other women would buy it to now. When I was looking to solve my problem, I saw I saw the gap in the market I. Thought There are no companies just selling kinky hair, but I was already running the successful decor business. I was buying my coach bags. I was going on vacation. I was happy with that, and then I decided then I thought well. You know you know. Weddings have a down sees. It feels like you know what I can't like. Itching the back of my brain, so then I said to myself you know what in the down season of of of Vivian the core I'm going to launch his company and I literally made up the name while I was in the shower like I was like Yankee curly. Jackie, O okay and I bought a domain name, and I launched it in December two thousand twelve, and it immediately took off. Okay so I actually do want to hear the details about the actual hair. You don't mind no worries because okay, so I remember talking to emily in the early days of ALMANAC supply company, which is her business and she was trying to find very specific candle containers to pour her candles into, and we talked about some deep googling like how you just have to search like. Get real good at searching. So how did you well? I guess two questions? Are It was a we've, but it looks natural so I think this goes back to that almost that brandon conversation of like it doesn't have to look quote Unquote Professional. Let's make it memorable like let's just make it bigger. Bigger let's make it more of a statement. which I think is so cool so I guess I have two questions here one. How did you find the natural hair? If there is a gap in the market? How did he find a? We've that had the natural texture and then in that might be getting too much of your secret sauce like you might not have to answer that one, but like how do you? How do you find the materials and then guess my next question is? How did you start to then scale and expound upon that not having any experience in that industry so how? Sold! The key was that I was trying to solve my own problem so What I was doing is I. Would I was doing that deep googling I was in facebook groups I was on hair care black hair care forums. Just you know just. Talking with other people and people of course at that time, a lot of people were sharing okay well. I bought this here I. Bought that there, and so that I would of course make note that, because again at the time I was not looking to start another business I was just looking to solve my own problems, so I wrote. You know I would contact every. Every single factor, every single manufacturer, every single website that said they would do kinky hair, and the once I found the one I was like. Wow, this, actually a pretty decent I would ask them to tweak it a little bit. Just a suit, my needs and they did it and I was like okay and I thought well after the girl confirmed my idea. I decided okay well. Let me see the state. Factory can still do it and I would order the same product under different names and asking to do different things to it, and they would do. So I thought okay. Okay. I'm onto something here. And so that's how that's how I was able to. I guess perfect the product because again. I I like to get high on my own supply, so that's the beauty of the businesses that I M my customer. I know what I'm looking for I know what problems I'm looking to solve I. Know What my pain points would be. And what other black women's pain points would be, and the only person who's able to address that is me. So of course I use that to my advantage You know to tell my brand's story but at the time again I listen, I'm an immigrant. I'm a college dropout and now a single mother. So I had no clue. About all these storytelling and branding mark I had no clue I just thought it was just doing what kind what came naturally to me. So so how I scaled that business well, I think one of the mistakes that a lot of people are making in starting businesses that they don't have an audience for the product that they have and so then what I had done again I inadvertently created an audience by by being on those facebook facebook. Forums a facebook groups that had black hair care forums because I was shining. Just being Vivian online people remembered me. So bad, and the funny thing was what I, when I when the business launched, no one knew it was me I didn't. I wasn't. My face wasn't the base of the brand it was just like here's some products. You guys will love Ed Oh. My Gosh and people bought it, but what happened was. I was facebook group and someone I didn't do. The WHO is on the back end of my website do that. Who has privacy on the back end of my product? Someone in one of the facebook groups created a fake place book profile and posted all my information in those facebook groups. Saying this is the person who owns that brand. So what she meant. To to like to help me to make me fail actually was what turned my like. What is what actually skyrocketed my business? Because once people found out that I was the person behind that brand, they were like well. Shoot I'm going to almost support her because she's this. She's that I remember she's Great. She's awesome, and that's what took off so I realized then that. My brand, my person like why. Is What is going to help me succeed in business. Amen I. Resonate so much with what you're saying and. I have branding agency as well and really focus on personal branding and I i. feel like one a lot of people always tell you you need to identify your customer and what they need, but I always think it really does start with you if you can start with what you need you like, you can trust that. We're not all that different and that if you can just get specific about yourself, you're going to be getting specific about your dream customer. Customer so we are so aligned there and then the fact that I mean it was an unfortunate, and you know really inappropriate way to learn the power of personal branding, but you did learn the power of personal branding, so that is incredibly exciting and I. WE'RE GONNA dig into more about like how you leverage that and who you are, and what you do, and how you bring it into your business and draw boundaries and all of the things but. We do have an attendee question that I. Want to slide in here if we may. I'm in this question is from. Death and I think especially for creatives. Who is you know most of our crowd here then we add like to hear your. Hear your thoughts on this, so here's your question. so Vivienne said she had the hair problem herself and chose to solve it, but what kept her on that path instead of ending up as an all purpose, beauty, Guru or similar. To be honest. Hair is not my jam. So really what I? How I think of it is just the ends to a means way or means to an end it's the means to an end, so my real goal is to give black women confidence to show up as they are in the world. So hair just so happens to be the the means to that end. So how I just stick to hair you know I'm pretty. I'm pretty good at focusing on the one thing like it's what I've learned is You know niche of and that's my I will preach about I say niche, but its niche. You know it's either. We can use them interchangeably potato potato. Okay, so with me I. Find that if You speak to a very specific group of people, and you sell them a very specific product. They will be your most loyal fans. They are cheaper to market to they. Are you know more about them? Especially when you already are them so for me that makes it very easy to stick to that one thing because I know that very well and I can speak to it now. Let's just by started venturing into. Say. Make up girl I'll even know how to put on eye shadow right so it wouldn't. It wouldn't. I wouldn't have authentic voice I can't lend that often into city to that product, but what I do know is hair. I'm not a hairdresser. I'm not a hair stylist. Because I had a passion for solving my own problem so that I could show up as quote. Unquote professional in the world. I can solve the I know what looks professional for me. You know I learned you don't like it. That's your problem. Not Mine Right, so we as a black women. What started in two thousand? I want to say. In Two thousand eleven two thousand twelve. Is that Youtube? We started all jumping on youtube and teaching each other how to care for our hair. We stopped putting before. We're used to put chemicals in our hair in order to straighten it to look to fit that European standard of beauty. But then we were like you know what I'm tired of that crap. We're tired of that. We don't want that if that's not Howard. The hair grows out of our heads. You're either going to accept this as we are or not right so so the goal of. Of making black women confident in how they show up in the world is really what keeps me focused on here. There's other people and I and I realized. I'm really good at that, so if I just if you just focus on the one thing that one goal your why. Then you're. You'RE NOT GONNA get distracted by all the Shiny Mirror. The the shiny objects that are floating around, because yeah I could make some easy money doing makeup, but I'm not passionate about that I. don't that doesn't that's not my jam? I love the what you did was instead of doing. The sheds are what people may have expected you to stuck with thing I think oftentimes people in this crowd see either see someone who have sort of diverged from that path, or so. They're thinking okay I. Should I should diversify as well or they sort of get these little inklings of like going to different. Different things I love that what you've done is just focused. You focused on doing the one being amazingly well exactly, and that's and that's the one, if I had to give one piece of advice to anyone is do that one thing and do it really well before you move onto anything else because you know doing that. One thing really really really really really really. Really really really advising that really do that. One thing really well. Guess what you can do anything you can apply that same, so that's what I learned in billions, the core I learned that if I kept it simple and I just focused on providing my brides with this one product and do it really well, it would speak for itself, so I took that same. Simple yet fabulous and I applied it to. Kinky Curly Aki. So people like what can I all? I'm explained the Kinky curly Yacky. What is that, so? It's Kinky kinky hair, and it's curly for curly hair, and then there's Yacky. So? Yuck, so yacky actually is short for Yak, or against the long overreact so back in the day when they wanted to mimic black women's hair straightened. They use hair from Jack the animal. So the industry just put an eye on the end and call the Yacky, so you would know what Jackie was. If you were a black woman, so any block won't be like. Oh! You got that Yacky in and so it's a sort of tongue in cheek, so you would have to be part of that target demographic in order to understand the name of the the name of the brand clear I love that. You're very specific about your dream. Customer to effect. Because I was her I get hot on my own supply. So at some point, did you end up closing the decorating business I did? I closed it I. Shut it down back in two thousand fifteen, and the only reason why I did is because I got practice. More. Yeah so I launched kinky curly. Aki in the summer of two thousand twelve by July of two thousand, thirteen. I was in the business was doing really well at that point? It was I was just doing just under four hundred thousand dollars in sales. and I found out in July I was pregnant. Anti ago. And so you know with my? With wedding core I had brides booked a year out. Right so so I was still doing those weddings, still going to the still going to meetings breastfeeding doing weddings that type of thing. And then I started I wasn't really paying attention to what can carry Aki was doing I didn't know all these numbers until later on because I was doing it just because I just loved it and I was learning about H. Tim Allen Marketing in Seo and I just I just threw myself into it, but wasn't paying attention to the numbers. I just knew it was doing well. But then when I found out, I was pregnant. I was like okay. Okay, the being you got to the chill, you gotta chill. You can't be can't be doing everything and then in two thousand, fourteen march, two, thousand, fourteen I, gave birth to my son and he's been wonderful ever since he's six now. and then I saw what can curly accu was doing I thought. Ma'am really half assing it. What happens if I put my full ass into this? And once I did again. It took off, so so yeah, okay so. I I know that whenever entrepreneurs are listening to this or site hustlers listening to this. They're like wait a second. She accidentally created a half a million dollar business and wasn't even paying attention. So how does that happen? Did was that like word of mouth or referral? Launches You have specific marketing plans. What did that look like for? You had none of that I had was what people knew me from in the facebook groups, and and because I was also also go. Gee of the niche, their niche of just selling kinky hair did not exist before I. Start before I created my company. So because I saw a gap in the market I'm A. I pioneered that so any other company that you now see selling kinky hair is because of me. And so then because I was first to market with that bat just. Exploded because that's women were looking for. I was solving their problem and on top of that I looked like them. Right so it's like they were like girl. You know, 'cause. One of the things would be like girl I was tired of the whole African in the front, an Indian in the back. If you're a black woman, you know what that means, so what that means is we're all from. Black women are from the African for so we had these tight kinky air, and then we are putting on these silk weaves. I didn't blend with our hair. So I was tired of the whole African in the front and Indian in the back, and that resonated with people, so it just and I didn't do I didn't i. Here's another thing I just literally launched with one product. I locked to one product and I only had three lancs. I only had three lengths. I remember at the time, and someone would buy one I would take that money in going by two. And that's how I built. My business I didn't I. Bootstrap I started from zero. I took no outside capital I didn't have any debt I literally started from the bottom. And was it easy. No, no, it wasn't. Is that possible ABSA freaking move? All right well, we're going to take a little break here because we've got to tell you about working smarter and not harder and. The tools that you have that you can be confident. Creative business owner fresh books cloud accounting is one of those tools that can help whether you are aside hustler or working for yourself fulltime. You'll learn quickly that as a creative entrepreneur. The work that you do isn't always creative. Fresh books cloud accounting is here to help you save time with your accounting, so you can focus on the work you love to do I personally use and love fresh books cloud accounting. It's easy intuitive. It's visual, but also incredibly robust, and it helps to keep me organized fresh. Fresh Books Cloud Accounting has automated systems that will help you. Track your expenses and invoice your client, so you can get paid faster without the headache. Chasing down payment fresh books is the number one cloud accounting software designed to make billing painless for small businesses, freelancers, and their teams today over ten million small businesses use fresh books to effortlessly send professional looking invoices, Organiz expenses and track their billable time. Try fresh books cloud accounting by going to fresh books. Dot Com slash being boss and enter being boss in the. How did you hear about US section? Nice Job Kathleen and we're back. So I, WanNa talk a little bit about authenticity because you. I feel like that's the core of who you are is being who you are even whenever it's not. By design, you know it just kind of showed up that way. You are your own client and I think that's one of the greatest ways to be authentic when it comes to creating what you do. So. Let's let's talk a little bit about that. Why do you think that autheniticity and being true to yourself and using your own personality is important for anyone who is building a business or a brand? Because people don't necessarily. I think one of the biggest things people need to keep in mind as people aren't necessarily buying the product. As you can see, it's not like I'm the first person to ever sell Kinky, textured hair extensions and back. There were tons of companies that had it, but what they did. is they buried it underneath the silkier texture, so not the first. To Sell Kinky textured hair extensions. But what people don't realize that people aren't necessarily buying the product. They're buying the person or they're buying the emotions. They're buying lifestyles behind the product. So brand is where you can tell that story so branding will help you. To, help you, stand out in the crowd. It will help people remember and especially when you have a story that resonates with someone one. That's what they're buying into. They could care I. Mean Yeah, you could, you could be selling something. That's more expensive and more has a tools unless this unless that, but what they're buying is the person or the idea or the emotions behind. It so I that's what I realized very quickly is especially in the wedding decor. Businesspeople clouds giving. You made me you made it. It feel so simple. You made me feel so comfortable, and you made this process so easy for me and I realized. It doesn't go learn how to do all the fancy. You know all the fancy. Do Decor all I want but that's not what they care about. They care that I made them feel good about the money that they were spending made their wedding. Feel pretty like I made them feel that way. So that's that's really what you should focus on. I love that you said that you're not the first person to sell kinky natural hair extensions, but that it's been buried, and so you took a product unique in on it, and then you highlighted it, and it's beautiful, and you're owning it and you're helping. Other women own it I'm curious, little bit with some of the activism around. Natural Hair California has banned hair discrimination. It's something that I was so excited to see and when it continue to see, are there any levels of like activism or do you think even products like yours have helped? Create that kind of. Activism you know? Do you think that it's like no? This is who we are and this is just as professional as any other hair well I. Think the problem was that we were letting you know black women in general were we were leading the world? Tell us what was beautiful. And you know Youtube and you know the the beauty of the Internet was us being able to see each other people outside of our own communities, and how they look. How many rock their hair and all that jazz so I think really it. It just helped people just be who they wanted just to be who they are like just to be their authentic selves and truth be told, and it does just women in general, because even society tells us. Women were supposed to look like like I'm pretty sure after this quarantine thing has done. There's going to be a lot of people who were blonde. That aren't blonde anymore, right? But you know with black women where we're especially, you know we. Don't want to say Alison to say hated on because of how we look, and so then this i. feel just the way to just listen world we have to teach. We have to teach the world. This is how we are. If they don't like it. That is their problem. Because this is how my hey, this is how the hair grows out of my head naturally. It's curly it goes. It goes to the heavens because that makes me closer to God in the Sun. Right, as so if that's not something you think is professional, I think you really need to reexamine what your idea professional is. Karen sorry. Goes show that Chad. Presentation matters absent. That is what the Internet gave us. It gave us access to each other and to To all kinds of beauty and bodies and ways of being right, and it allowed us to see ourselves and others, and we can't help it, but need permission you know, and that permission sometimes simply in representation I have so many role models where I'm like. Oh, I didn't know I could do that until I saw them do it. And you're providing tools for that awareness as well which I think is like that's an important part of this, too. It's not only having access to the vision of its having access to the tools to, and that's even what you've done. Okay Vivian, you're you just radiate confidence? We all see. We all feel it over these past couple of days, do you? Some of our listeners are indeed here today WanNa know. Do you ever doubt yourself like? Do you ever have what we call being bossed? Friday? Feelings I mean especially going into industries that you didn't have experienced in. Full frequently. Battle with imposture syndrome Prodi feelings all the time. But then. I. Think to myself you know what. If. I don't do what I'm. Put on this earth to do then nobody will. Nobody will be able to do it either, because people who who look like me or even in the same situation as me so I. Guess I'm a single mom. I've been through depression. I've been I've been through all the things that tried me and I came out gold. So if I don't tell that story, I don't tell people how it's done. Then everyone's just this is GonNa be one hell of a boring world so if I. Let that Imposter Syndrome. Eat Me! Eat Away at me. Then that's not that's not fair. It's not fair to anyone. Right, so I shine so that everyone else can shine to. Raise that's like. Your purpose higher than your emotions absolutely. Thinks the. Catholics. Say she's like yes. I, know what with his quarantine? My bow talks has worn off so you can see my reaction. That's right. My eyebrows moving now. I love it. Up Cackling. Right I'd like to bring this to. The branding things, which you've talked a little bit about and the conference, but not everyone has been a part of the conference like listening to this we have. So many more people who have been who have been here with for the past couple of days, so I wanna to talk about this personal branding piece. And if you have any top tips for anyone who's looking to infuse more of their personality into their brand, how can just any old person in by any old person I mean? Everyone is a snowflake How can anyone shine in their business and use themselves as a tool for growth? Or what I want to remind people is you don't need to be me. So you, you know there's. If you think about people like if you think it will jams, right? There's different Jams Jentzsch. Ruby shied differently than a diamond emeralds than that, so you need to be exactly that so be yourself because the minute you start being someone who you're not. It's going to feel like work. It's going to feel You're going to hate it. People will see right through it. So you really don't have any choice, but to be yourself and so sometimes that means you being quirky, or it means you know. Maybe you do more blogging than you do video or whatever the case may be. You just need to show up as yourself. In whatever platform however way you want to do it and the people who it will resonate with. We'll find you. They will find you, so don't be. Please don't be anybody else you don't. That's not what you were. Put on this earth to be to be someone else I just doing yourself a huge disservice by not being yourself. How windy you feel the most yourself Vivian. Like sometimes it's hard to know like what what is me. What should I be sharing? Where do I draw these lines? You know what you know you know where the lines are to be drawn right? You know you know liking. We women. That's one thing I find with specially with women, and there's a lot of things on finding, but anyhow with women we need to trust. Our guts were always second guessing ourselves. We're always doing all these things, but you just need to trust yourself because you know what you know where that line is. You know what you should be sharing what you shouldn't be sharing. Someone there's comanding that unlike very existential questions, which is basically sums it up I'm like, but but even are we but a bundle of sell. What is time? What is personality? What is money. So sorry asked me asking the question again, so I can play it all night, so the question is windy. You feel most yourself like. How do you know what is authentically? You because I think all of us. WanNa show up as we are and who we are. But we can start to second. Guess Ourselves, so you were saying like we. As women need to listen to our guts like we know, it's in our guts. But how do you tune into that like I know like? Let's just say. I remember doing a couple of years ago, I did. I was I was asked to speak at a hair like a beauty hair brand thing and I didn't like it. 'cause hair was not my passionate kid. I could give to kicks about hair, but put me on. Put me in a forum or an opportunity like this. This is where I shine. So I know. You know you know like you know like you know. I'd so, that's the only. Way Can I can explain. We know you know you know. My in I think even what you're explaining is that you know by trying things, and then like listening to yourself right, so you did the hair thing or you went and spoke at the hair thing and you're like this feels gross like, but you wouldn't have known that if you hadn't tried it. I ache, factly eggs, and that's the key to life to. You gotta try. You gotTA. Try GotTA. Try GotTA. Try 'cause. That's the only way you're gonNA. Find out what you. You like and don't like you can apply that to life like you don't know you like Kale until you try it. You don't know you guys that do this until you try it. You have to go through and try a bunch of different things, and then and you know one of the things I started to realize because I'm I'm forty two, so at forty I was like you know what I'm done trying to live in this Fox like I'm done, it's over. I'm Vivian means lively one so Vivian you just need to go about living your best life because. You know all before I was forty at kept trying to be. Everyone kept trying to put me in this box. You know be a box. Go in the box. You know what I. I discovered that I was a parallelogram. Graham is is a sideways buckler rectangle that has. The Google it okay. I was a parallelogram and I was tired of being put into the box, and so once I turned forty. I just flip the bird to everything and said you know what again if you do not like it, I do not care. That is not my problem. You can go kick rocks with an open Tokyo.
Becoming a Coder
"Use spent the last few years fully immersed in the world of coders. You've interviewed over two hundred developers as admins, architects, engineers and programmers for your buck. Yeah I spoke to boy on awful lot of software developers all over the ecosystem. Great you the perfect co-pilot, so glad you could join me be here. Let's start with the most traditional path to becoming a coder going to college to get a computer science degree. I think for what I do as a product manager, it's important to have that technical foundation and glad I did it through a computer science program because I feel like I. Don't understand like. How do I program something to do this? But I also understand like what goes on under the hood. That was venom rot single. She graduated from Stanford University in two thousand sixteen with a computer science degree. She says her education set her up for product manager positions at facebook, Google and other companies. Clive. Voters out there, get CS degrees. If you look at the stack overflow survey, so that's the big gum coating site, and they do a fantastic survey of tens of thousands of their users every year. And their data suggests that about sixty percent of the coders that are on stack overflow that are professional. They have some sort of formal computer, training or something close to it like electrical engineering and and the numbers may be a little higher than that, but let's just say you know two-thirds, so it is still most common route far and away for becoming a coder. Is Go and get a computer, science, degree or something related to it. Is that because s degrees are lucrative. Yes, they are They are what an economist would call a costly signal right? You know they indicate that. Hey, I'm someone who's willing to spend a lot of time learning this stuff so you know I'd be a good person to hire. If you're developer, you're having to constantly learn all the time. New Frameworks new languages new environments. So, so some of the reasons employers would tell me that they like getting people from computer. Science degrees is because those people just spent four years doing nothing, but learning and they're going to need to keep on learning. When you get an undergraduate degree, you're learning, but you're also learning the theoretical math. You're also learning about algorithms, and you're learning about networking and computer systems, and I think all of those just give you very solid foundations so that if you were? Were like you know switch industries or not like? It would just be a lot easier for the Stanford degree helped with being taken seriously honest. You just confidence like that's a big part of it to dealing with imposter syndrome, and then also like People WanNa. Talk to you, even applying to jobs after like you just it's just a lot easier. Because of this big network you have do cs degrees make them better performers than those who come into the industry traditionally. That is a really a really great question. It's a hard one to answer. Because I got completely different answers from different employers I. had some people tell me that? Yeah CS people are just more confident and more self assured and can hit the ground running, then sell trained people bootcamp people, and then I heard exactly the opposite right like I heard you know for example, give it cult. He runs river, which is like a is becoming the dominant e commerce site for selling musical equipment, fantastically growing profitable firm and he's like. You know. I used to say I only wanted CS grads, but they just didn't have all the sort of life skills that you want to be a productive team member and more and more. He stood at hiring bootcamp. People self train, people people who. Are Musicians learned on the side. You also hear praise for the non computer. Science, people I think from a certain class of investor or even old school coder there in the fifties or sixties, and they taught themselves using like a like a commodore sixty four back in the eighties when they see someone who came along and said Yeah I. Just is in job in hospitality and I hate it. I learned. Learned a ton of stuff on Youtube and Code Academy. They're like yeah, I want that person. It is very by model. Shall we say there is a class player? Is? That is really rigorous about only during CS, and there's a whole of the class at actually sometimes regarded as a real mark of pride to be self taught or a scrappy person who change their career and went to a boot camp.
A Podcast Launch Journey with Leanne Webber
"Hello had lawyer and welcome back to another episode of podcasting tips and tricks. I'm your highest Lindell. Harris and this podcast is to you by podcast. Va where we make the podcasting Jenny easier by offering a variety of done for you services. Tonight, we are back with another interview. I'm chatting Kellyanne. Weber who is the founder of the Founders Tame Business Mentor and podcast host liens mission in life is to support and encourage business owners to live the life of their dreams and nothing makes a heavier than seeing her clients. N. P. A.'s hit their goals and push pasta comfort zones. I'm actually a member of one of the ends found his tame mastermind groups, and she does like to see her clients hit their goals, and suddenly pushed prostate, comfort signs, and the reason I asked Leon on the show. Today is because I the and go through the launch journey of her podcast behind the business blinds, and I really wanted to speak to her about the process, so you can hear a personal journey from someone particularly if you're thinking about launching podcast, and you feel like it's a huge mountain to overcome both from the technical side of things as well as the emotional side of things. And what I love is Leeann pushed, pressed her comfort zone to launch podcast of Jerry, and so I really am looking forward to having this chat with her. Welcome to the in. Thank you so much for having me Sarghoda. I've been wanting to talk to you for a little while, but it's just been a bad getting around kidding it old book team but I'd love to start the conversation with you telling everybody a little bit about you your podcast and why you decided to launch a shy. I K-. Sorry as Linda mentioned I. Have a business called the founder's team and we've got about eighty members in there, and through running that I have seen so much comparison itis between tapes, so I've got lots of little small teams within the found distain and united people will look at each other and think Oh, my goodness and I will say the sentence that. That I absolutely despise shaves killing it whereas that right, what's happening in the background? And then I'm I'm talking to the person that someone else has said. Yes, she's killing it hearing all of the issues and the challenges, and all of the obstacles that she's coming in her business, and so I decided to launch behind the business blinds, and that is to really go. Deep with business owners and entrepreneurs to find out poets actually taken to get them to the place there at today. I love that because everyone does have a different story by comparison, audits is Oh it's it's horrible. You've just got to stop watching I. Know I've gone through three stages, and if I look at something I think Oh. Yes, or no, I love the name of the show Terry, because it explains it, you guys behind the business bonds, and you having conversations with paypal to help us understand that that has been a long journey for them to get to where they're at as well a lot of the times and congratulations on your launch. Because you did have a successful launch. She launched at quite high in the charts for the business category today. Yeah I got to number three in Entrepreneurship, category and number twenty three I think in the business category Yup. That's fantastic. Good on you. So was the main purpose of launching your shot to build your brand awareness for the found his team as well as building your authority and expertise as assault later in the spice. Yes I I've recently launched a personal brand as well because I want to get more into public speaking and mentoring and mar debating he pull my big goals to to be on stage in front of thousands of people encouraged them to. Take Action to what they want to achieve goals, so it was definitely to build that her snow brand as well as. Yet just kind of help members for the founders team. It was really for them. That's why I wanted to watch. US Take I. Love that so have you seen any benefits and tonight of of launching show because it's quite new, it's only a month with so, but we saw his goals in mind. If you seen any benefits, so. Yes so. I know this is advantage a metric. My followers have grown on instagram by about one hundred and fifty, which is pretty decent because I don't have a huge following I've also been asked to speak at a networking event and on a couple of podcast as well, and that's only after a month, so it's definitely hoping in. It does sometimes just help grow that audience, doesn't it? But the fact that you saying that? That the benefits of being asked on other podcasts, and being asked to speak because people can go and listen to your Shaw and say your style if they like. You're speaking style so congratulations. That's relief. That's fantastic now. Something I think I because I mean one of your teams is I. WanNa ask that question of when you launched your show a when you thinking about launching shy right back from the beginning. Did you have any challenges that you had to overcome yes? Well. Sorry I definitely struggled with my mindset, firstly right back in the beginning I struggled because I. Don't actually really listen to podcasts I. Know I am a widow are in S. I prefer reading books so I was definitely going through the impostor syndrome of off. Don't even listen to podcasts. Who Am I, too? Have A podcast also. Why would guests want to come on my show so those a lot of imposter syndrome, but then all sorry, and this is something that I struggled when I started, my business is I was really worried that I was. was going to waste people's time so I. Know How precious time as I nor that people listening are going to be busy business owners, so I was really worried that people wouldn't enjoy it. They would listen to support me, but no actually get any value from it. I was worried that not really any people would listen I was also really worried about finding guests.
Front Line Mom - Dr. Hina Talib
"Name, is he natale? I'm a pediatrician here in New York City and I am an adolescent medicine specialist so I. Only. Take care of teenagers I do everything that a teenager needs and before Kobe before this pandemic I would see patients in person in an outpatient clinic, and then I also attend to patients who are admitted so hospitalized, so if they have something that's significant enough in a teenager there in the hospital I might take care of them there, so those are the physical faces Ri- would get to see patients and get to see families and. And then everything you know January we started to hear about news mostly on social media from other countries in the doctor, mom groups on facebook and other places were kind of paying attention to it, but kind of also not because it was far away and then it just got closer and closer, and by the time March hit. You know it was sort of like waiting that like anticipation for we know what's coming, but. But you're not hearing it to the extent that we WANNA be hearing it from the city and the state and the government, and our even our hospitals in, and and then when it hit, when when everything basically shut down, it was very jarring. It was very jarring and so I, actually had the experience of as pediatrician being deployed to be hospital to take care of adult patients who were who were suffering from Kobe. And that's really remarkable and a lot of feelings about that and that deployment lasted just a short while because ask after new. York City shutdown. The numbers went down a few weeks later. It was an imminent. Americal that our numbers went from horrific in the Bronx to still bad, still awful, but at least they were going down for the first time. And so then they were able to take people back. Who aren't? Trained to be adult doctors back to where they were, they were practising in so for me. That means now. I'm seeing patients on telehealth. I've never done that before. and it's been wonderful. It's been new and I also still see patients in person who needs to be seen whether they have covid nineteen or not. If they're a teenager that has something that needs to be seen. It needs to be seen in, so we still see patients. In the hospital in out of the hospital on a limited basis, what did that deployment look like in terms of like logistically Did someone call you night by the way tomorrow? Please report to the hospital. We're GONNA. Show you. What even? What did they show you? What did they tell you? How did they prepare you? Yeah I, mean there were so many it was email, overload and memo overload to the honest. Build up towards that and. We could have predicted just being in the hospital in seeing the numbers every day that they were sharing with us. and it went in phases so I. They weren't deploying people who are say dermatologists or gastrointestinal doctors, but still adult, and so that was more you know closer to them, and and then when it got to the point where they said to our children's hospital that we need your help and. And in our children's hospital changed call signs from being a children's hospital to being a children and Adult Care Hospital I. Mean I've never heard of that happening in this country? It was amazing but it happened in in step, so it wasn't a total surprise because we saw what was happening in the greater monitor health system, so we we saw the numbers, and it was kind of sort of At some point we're going to have to be called to help in. EITHER BATES SPLIT US up and send us off to different units or areas of the hospital or we stay as we stay as a team. Where we know everybody, we know our nurses. We know our patients. We know our staff and we work as a team to take care interest. Expand what we normally used to do. Other parts of the phase for example we started taking care of thirty roles, and so we never did that before, either, but that was kind of early phase to try to offload some of the adult medicine. overload that the the serves that they were seeing. How different is the care of teenagers from the CARE OF ADULT? What does that look like? Yeah, I mean it's. It's a steppingstone, so I was really afraid I mean I. was afraid on so many levels. We can talk about all the mom reactions to, but I was. I was afraid in terms of that question. I was afraid like imposter. Syndrome visited I couldn't do it. I was afraid I didn't remember how to take care of an adult. I was afraid I. Don't you know and that initial fury? Fury Action I can't do it like I. Don't know what I'm doing and you know maybe would I cause more harm than good and and then very quickly once you start to read about Cope Nineteen. It kinda comes back I. Mean Medicine is medicine is sort of a language that we speak and it's kind of like spent Even if you haven't spoken in a long time. If you had to learn really quickly, and if you if you're motivated, you could. It's just it just. Getting over that Hump, so the first adult patient that I took care of. Nervous and nervous and sweating 'cause you're covered head to toe in all this gear and you're not used to that in the nervous. Suggest just nervous, and then I realized. Wait a minute I've been talking to adult adults my whole life. I've been talking to the parents of my patients, my whole medical life in, so it wasn't like the alien being that I didn't. Didn't know how to touch. Take care of it was it was basically the families of the patients that I've been taking care of and I felt very at ease as soon as you had that conversation with them I mean they're grateful. You're grateful that they're doing better and that you're having a conversation and and so it. Kinda just comes back
Bestselling Author Publishes Novels, Online Courses, and More
"Hi I'm Jessica, Birdie, and I'm full time novelist living near Portland. Oregon I was featured on episode three three of the podcast and a full time novelist. My side hassle is a company called writing mastery, which is dedicated to teaching other writers how to elevate their writing and the writing careers through online courses, webinars, youtube videos and blog posts got started because I was doing a lot of speaking engagements as As higher to speak to writers at writing conferences and different writing events, and I found myself travelling a lot, and so I actually discovered a online learning platform called you to me, and I decided as a test to transform one of my workshops, that I would do live and transform it into online course just as a test and I. put it up on you to me and it ended up. Being very successful you, too I think we made a thousand dollars first day or something and we were we meaning me and my husband, who is my producer for the courses We are so excited we were like what else can you talk about And from there I started to brainstorm a bunch of different topics of things that I felt like I was good at or that writers often asked me about so meaning they thought I was good at it so I came up with A. A bunch of topics and I just started to go through them and and creek courses based on them so the second one. We launched a few months later. also did really well. That was a course all about productivity hacks for writers, and we've just been producing courses ever since everybody your after I was on the podcast I released my very first nonfiction book, which is a book all about how to plot a novel how to write a novel and it's called Save. The cat writes novel. It's based on a very popular screenwriting method called. Save the cat and I have adapted it for writing novels I looked back when I was on the podcast four. We had thirty seven hundred students on you to me and today we have thirty thousand students on you to me. Where I first launched my courses, so that's just crazy to me, but then I think the most exciting thing. Thing, that's happened is is was in January. Which is My husband and I launched our very first online learning platform that is all hours and it. It's called the writing mastery academy. It is a subscription site where you pay twelve dollars a month, and you get access to all of my courses unlimited access, so you don't have to decide which one you wanNA. Take our. You can dabble in them. You can take them in any order. Take them as many times as you want I think when people when people want to create online courses, they struggle with either two different kinds of things. They struggle with either what's called experts, syndrome or imposter, syndrome and experts. Syndrome is when you are so knowledgeable about something that you don't. You can't break it down or you can't figure out you. You can't wrap your head around the fact that other people don't just naturally know how to do this, so you're just so good at it that you don't understand that it actually is a skill that many people don't have that. Many people need to learn, and then on the other hand is this. This. This impostor syndrome, which is where I think people say why can't create that? Course because I'm not the best in the field like I'm not the best at whatever I do so why would people turn to me to learn that? So they feel sort of like an impostor by by making a course, and and saying I can teach this. They'd feel like a little bit of an the impostor syndrome, and I think I have I have some advice on both of those. I think for one. For the impostor syndrome, I think the key thing note is that you do not have to be the best at something in order to teach it. You just have to have some sort of skill that other people don't have, and even if that means, you're not the best in your field, it means that you have something to offer people who want to learn about that field in terms of experts syndromes. That was a little bit harder to overcome, but I think the whole idea behind creating courses is being able to break down. skills and knowledge into these bite-size learning. Nuggets or these fights is markers on a journey, so I structure all of my courses as here's a pain, point that you need to overcome like conquering writer's block, and then I look at it in. How can I break that down into bite sized skills, or bite-size sidesteps so I, think a lot of people that they make when they create a new course. is they sort of trying to tackle it all at once or they or they sort of topical, a little bit of this skill, and then a little bit of the skill, and it doesn't really have a clear learning path so I guess that's my my best advice for anyone who's trying to break into the world of online learning.
Padma Lakshmi: From Model to Food Media
"You started out as a model and you moved into the culinary world. Those are very different worlds. Did you ever get nervous about moving from one to the other I think imposter syndrome is something that we talk about a lot and clearly I mean you've done this so well. It's like now you're synonymous with. Food and food media and restaurants, but back then when you were thinking about making this transition, what were some of the first steps? How did you begin to think about it? Well. You know it was kind of a fluke. I'll be the first one to admit that I got that first contract because I think it was just like a marketing ploy like everyone wants to know. What a model I don't think anyone thought that it would actually be a good cookbook or do Alan because it. WanNa prize in Versailles, people started noticing and at first it. It was hard. Because you know, the response would often get even by journalists by the way, and even after I had won, the award was like we'll do. Models really eat. Yes, we really eat. We're just freaks of natures. Also, there was no other instance in the media where there were models talking about food, except like how to drop five pounds in a day or something. So.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on All The Responsibility Podcast
"We have the fundamental product management claim. If I build an ex then people will buy it is. It's fundamentally fortune telling. But that is the statement that we make. When building a product for the obviously. I may know a lot or little about the people who I think will buy solution acts. I may know that they really need an ex. Because I've done market research now. Presumably if you listen to my podcast regularly you know all about mark discovery and finding validated market problems. And all that. But once you've done that and you've built a solution is guaranteed. You're going to be able to sell it. Well not really even. If you've got your go to market altogether in fact just to give you an example one of my big imposture areas right now. Is the whole selling it part of this podcast and the online training courses that. I'm building not only do. I have to figure out how to build an online training. Course this is within reach I feel but still with a lot of unknowns but I have to sell it and that's farther outside my zone of expertise. This podcast episode kind of arose out of pep talk for myself. You know grew out of some writing that I was doing to try to help myself. Keep on track with this personal side project and as I was doing this writing basically whingeing and whining to myself about myself. I told myself I really needed to snap out of it because in fact I realized I have some mental models some techniques and tools that have worked in the past to help me with my own imposter syndrome and I needed to remember to use them so as I was writing this to myself I realized Oh other people might be able to use these ideas as well so this episode is about some of the things that I do to help me get through the doubts and fears of all the things that I need to do what those are in my day job or as a podcast coach and trainer and I hope they'll be useful for you the way I'm going to structure this. I have a lot of different ideas for how to manage imposter syndrome drill down into four. That might not be so obvious. And I'll list a few more briefly at the end and some of these might almost seem to be cheating but I found them really helpful. So let me first of all talk about the four that I use a lot myself. They might not be the best for but they're my four and some of these ideas I would say are a little counter intuitive and some are things that are true but are kind of hard to C R understand. But you'll hopefully get a sense of how you might make use of them. Let's set this up a bit sailors. Something you need to do as part of your job or to move your business along. Its involves creativity for example. You may need to write a data sheet for your product or sales page. Or maybe you're a new product manager and you need to write your first feature SPEC whatever it might be something that you consider challenging. That's outside your comfort zone and for which you worried that your effort will expose you finally as an impostor so hopefully. You're with me on this and so here are some of the things that I would do if I was in that situation. The first thing is I would compare myself to other people so I know. Hang on a minute. I know what you're thinking. There's a great saying that I learned from a Buddhist friend. You're not better than anyone else. You're not worse than anyone else. You're not the same as anyone else. And that is a good way to think about you and other people most of the time and it's not just Buddhist sore against comparisons everyone warns against comparing yourself to others and it is true that as with most of the advice I have in this episode it can be pernicious if done too much or not done correctly but there are times. I found when comparing yourself to others can be very helpful and this is one of those times so I'm GonNa suggest that you compare yourself to others who are successfully doing what you need to do to see if they have some kind of superpowers to see if they have some intrinsic advantage that you don't have that enables them to succeed and there's actually two possible outcomes of this assessment first of all maybe they don't have superpowers. They don't have superpowers around this activity. Then maybe the fact that you don't have superpowers either doesn't mean you can't do it or means maybe you can do it if someone else can do it. Then I can probably do it with the parenthetical if they don't have superpowers so this is a very useful tool to to us to say. Oh there's that other person who's successfully doing this thing. Does that person know something? I don't know no have they done it more often. Something like that. That's not a superpower that's practice and then you can look at them and say oh well if they can do it. I can probably do it. I use that all the time. What if the person you're looking at does have superpowers will again? There are two possibilities. I maybe you can actually just borrow or swipe or appropriate what they do or hire them to do it for you in other words instead of counting on your own ability to do thing you start using their ability of course this means you have to be decent at appropriation. Aren't getting someone to do the work for you but it means. Maybe you don't have to do it yourself. And the best approach is to get someone else to do it but even someone who's very successful. Who Does have superpowers? That doesn't mean you can't be successful enough at that task even without superpowers so mostly in most situations. You don't actually have to be the best. Say the person you're looking at is the world's best person at writing datasheets while you're never going to be as good as that person even if you did have superpowers because they're the best but maybe you can be not that great writing datasheets but still be good enough to write a data sheet. That will do the job for the moment. You know you just have to be good enough now. I always think about Jay Abraham. He's one of the most famous and successful and just all round amazing marketers in the world. He's the best and people pay him literally. Hundreds of thousands of dollars an hour to consult. But that doesn't mean that thousands of other people can't also be successful marketers even if they don't have Jay Abraham superpowers. How do they do that will one? Is They copy him right? And he is very open about sharing his techniques. They don't really give you superpowers but there are things you can swipe and of course. They can pay him to do the work. That's another alternative or they can do marketing. That just isn't as good as what Jay Abraham was would do but is good enough. So that's the whole comparing yourself to other thing. I think it's pretty useful to be able to look at a job and say oh can this other person who's more or less like me or maybe doesn't even have some of the capabilities that I have. If they can do it then I can probably do it. I can at least make more progress. The second technique is to think about your strengths. What you perceive as simple but others don't the problem is that things that are easy for us. Don't seem like they're that important but they can be miraculous other people. I have a phrase. I like which I learned or maybe I appropriated actually from someone else. Your obvious is your art and you can think of all kinds of examples probably in your own life. I certainly can think of lots of examples in my life where I'm in a situation and things are going on and I know what the outcome of that situation is going to be. Maybe I'm in a meeting and there's a bunch of people talking about something. I kind of know what the outcome of this conversation is going to be. I know what has to be based on the initial conditions but all the other people in the meeting to discuss it for hours and hours before they can recognize that the solution has to be the thing that I immediately saw. Now this happens to be a particular strength in some situations for me. Other people have other strings a lot of times people who become artists and things actually become artists because for them. It's obvious how to draw a circle round whereas for some people like me. I can't couldn't draw circle. It was around if my life depended on it and so it's obvious to them how to do it and to me it's a giant thing and so I look up to those people and I respect them but they may think that it's just simple and not very important because of course they can draw. Anybody can draw circle. Well the fact is not anybody can draw circle. Think about your strengths trying to discover what they are. There's versus to do that. You can take the Clifton. Strengths finder test. I'll put a link to that in the show notes. I think it's really powerful. You buy the book you get a code. You do this online test. They tell you what your top five strengths are. And what you'll probably see when you do that is you'll see. Oh yeah those are that I just assumed everybody could do. And the fact is that not. Everybody can do those things that just the way it is. I'll give you a good example of mine. One of mine connectedness. What am I Clifton? Strings and connected. This means I see the connections between all kinds of things and once I realized or learn that I had the strength. That Clifton strengths finder surfaced that for me. I realized that the way that I thought about certain problems in work and in life and so on was very different from our the people saw them. Because I could see how this problem was connected to all the other things going on and a lot of people. Just don't have that intuitive vision and that's not because they're not smart it because for me. That's the way my brain works. And so anyway think about your strength and one of the things. I think that often contributes to imposter syndrome. Is you think well that wasn't hard for me at all. So why should anybody be celebrating before it? You know maybe about a particular accomplishment and the fact is that the reason they're celebrating you for it is because they couldn't do it even though for you. It's as easy as falling off a log so think about your strengths. The third thing that I tend to do a lot when I'm trying to overcome impostor syndrome or to see where I really stand. Is I test myself? Maybe I read other articles on the topic about what I'm writing about or what. I'm trying to present something as an expert. I want to see if the thing that I'm trying to contribute a different perspective. A different or better way to explain something or deeper insight is actually real for example. Maybe you're an expert on maps or you think you are having been recognized as such in the past by your colleagues or something but you see. There's all these other people out there doing trainings. And courses and writing articles on road mapping and how to build a road map and all that this is a product management topic of course. So then you think to yourself. Are you really an expert? Maybe you're over the hill. So what I recommend is finding a few articles about road mapping from these experts and reading them. Do you agree with everything? And those articles are those articles wrong in any way that you know about if someone came to you and said I read this article on. Road Mapping and I'm GONNA follow it. Would you have some ideas for that person about how they could be more successful rather than simply following that article? The point here is we often think that other people who present themselves as experts our experts. And maybe they are. Maybe they aren't but that doesn't mean that you're not an expert and so I do this all the time I as you know. I wrote a book about product management. So I'm always going out and looking at other books articles about what is product management. All about and I look at those and I say are there things that I agree with him in this article. Are there things that I disagree with? Are there things that I hadn't thought about before? Are they mentioning? Some things that I think are really important and what I find. A lot of times is no. They're not mentioning. Those things that I think are important that I covered in my book. And so what this does is it helps me continually refresh the sense that my book has valuable information about product management. That isn't actually easily available in other articles now. The other articles often have really great stuff that I don't cover. It doesn't mean that my book is still interesting and gives you good.
Aligning Your Research, Business and Life with Cheryl Lau (Part 1) | GBP053
"Those that may be feel like you're recognized shells name. It's because we had her back on episode forty two earlier question backing up so forty to vote fear of sharing her work online and some of the concentrations efforts that she's doing some questions. She had their Shirl I have been talking behind scenes about her journey since then and it's really been inspiring to me tactile which he thought about where career was going thought about. Wear on my business going though what you wanted in her life actually found found quite refreshing through discussions. I knew something that we really need to talk to the podcast listeners. So I want to shoot a couple episodes here. I'm in the subsoil rentable lining both your research direction. Your Business and your life and shows actually created an successful online business. She's had a couple of switches in her career direction. We talked on offline about things like support expectations of her family. And much more. So we're GONNA go through this all in her story and what. She's learning what she can share with us. And with you the listener over the next two episodes so Cheryl maybe a great place to jump in. It's just how did you get started? Online? And what is your. What is your back story in academia? Ria So thank you. So much for that introduction curse A bit about me to start with is so right now. I am an early stage researcher in I'm based in Hong Kong and I currently work in the Social Work Department of a university here in Hong Kong and outside of my nine to five job. I am an online personal branding strategies. So that is my side hustle business and right now. I help early. Stage researchers develop a personal brand that essentially a slum become known as an emerging thought leaders. So that they can call me apply to graduate school programs or jobs and ultimately create really value pack content and contribution to their fields. And how? I got through the online business space or the online space in general will. I guess my venture into the Allies. They started with my own major curb it and that involved job out of law school a few years ago when I saw that when I realized that law school was just not the raker fit for me and that's when I saw firsthand how the scourging and stress Loa can feel to start over your career journey however I at the time I was. I gave myself a year to really become experiments. Wanted to try new things throughout the process throughout that during the I I started the process of building my personal brand which actually helped me to directly and indirectly attract new opportunities both academically and in business so for example more specifically in the business days. I started pushing myself to show up online to share my thoughts and ideas and experiences and this led to building an audience on social media who took interest and what not to say and eventually able to work with some of those audience numbers in a professional capacity and this eventually became a business. That's probably the genesis of the things. We're GONNA talk with this episode but I wanNA pull out some threads and also share the some of the magnitude so all the way back. You mentioned that you went to law school in Hong Kong. You actually did degree before that here. In Canada in Toronto is that correct craft us. Yeah the latest story. So you did was your Undergrad to a degree here right so I did my Undergrad in the University of Toronto. I did it in psychology and pretty much grow in Toronto but then after I graduated from University Toronto I went straight into law school with a scholarship because back then. My mind's was very different. I I was really tunnel. Vision on getting the highest. Gpa possible. I really cared about doing the most practical Christina saying I could in terms of career and I really cared about what people think so back then when I had the opportunity to go to I jumped on it and I didn't really give much thought to what my strains on interest lower and that's when I went to law school and a year later after starting law school I realized Oh I don't think this is a right curve fit for me because the studying part was fine. I really enjoyed studying the law but the issue was when I was doing my internship. I realized I don't really enjoy being here. I don't really enjoy the corporate Looking up piles and piles of paperwork of contracts. And that's what I realized. All this may not actually be the career path for me. That's kind of when I hit a quarter life crisis. You could say yes I mean. It seems like a pretty big onto your here. In Canada you did a degree you went to law school on the other side of the world which you're still in Hong Kong now And it's and then you've felt it wasn't for you was there some pushback from maybe people groups or your family or anything. When you made that decision a law school might not be the best spot for you. All one hundred percent So for me my parents I think they were. They were very against the decision to leave law school because they they saw in their opinion. They felt that it was a sign of quitting. But for me when I looked at when I looked at the pros and cons of Continuing disagree the cons really outweigh the pros? Because even if I had finished his degree the end result I wouldn't end up in the law the legal space anyways and so for me. The pros and cons just did not match up and prose is not always the cons of finishing his degree and I think this was a very difficult conversation to have my family because they were the ones who were really excited for me when I gone to law school and they were really proud and they were really excited to to see their daughter going into a profession that was known as practical procedures. But the difficult conversation had to happen. Because I just I I knew that my strengths and my talents did not lie in the legal space and so it was a very difficult conversation to have. You know an end the end they were accepting but they were not necessarily supportive by think fast forward to today twenty twenty seeing the amount of progress in the things done in the past two years since leaving school and I think they're the very leads to see what has come about since leaving law school but in the moment it was very difficult and I also was so worried. About what my. Here's the thing. Because people were moving ahead in their careers. They were still in law. School other people were pursuing other graduate degrees or other career paths and it is at the time. It seems like wow. I am really taking a few of stock in everyone else's moving forward and I don't a lot of imposter syndrome. A lot of self doubt ought of move. I guess there's a lot of yes. So does the keyword here and I just felt like wow like I had. I had gotten my way here to law school and now I'm leaving. So what am I doing? My life and those are thoughts. I really can soothe me at the time but now in hindsight I'm really grateful for the opportunity to make decisions leaves law school because now I feel like I am definitely realigning my interest and passion with my
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Mentally Yours
"My Name's Shahrzad. Kiana I am. Gemini has good -Tarian Mom of two wild little boys. I'm senior. I'm a mom of two also morning. I went to the bathroom alone. Five but moving in her mouth and then she took it up work. That's what you're going to hear a lot of our stories and experiences in our crazy journeys to motherhood for all MOMS not for all dad's not fathers and mom or online can be good time. Here's you're going to want to stick around promise to subscribe. Basically I went through a spectacular. Burn out in my first career which was as as a scientist academic and instead of giving up. I really spent the next two decades really digging into why I had had that reaction mentally. Oh focus on your mental health. You show regrets mentally entity then men today. Hi.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Capt. Hunter's Podcast
"Everyone and welcome to another episode of Capela Hunters podcast. The podcast that is dedicated towards bridging the divide between the police in the communities that they serve. Thank you so much for tuning in. Please make sure that you rate subscribe and share these episodes and remember the episodes in the podcast can't be supported the cash out pay pal then mo or the Patriots page Capela Hunters podcast on Patriot. Please make sure that you are following me on twitter. Cpt Al Hunter Instagram CPT. L. Hunter Captain Hunters podcast on facebook. I can be contacted at sea. Cpt L. Hunter at G MAIL DOT COM. So we want to jump right into it. It's our mid week and current session. So I hope that you all are learning something as well as being encouraged so I wanNA talk just a little bit about today. Just the impostor syndrome and how it relates to African Americans in just tied all up in a nice little neat package as to the African American experience and as we close out African American or black history month. What is Imposter Syndrome right? I talked before a previous episodes previous encouragement sessions about how we think about ourselves. And how do we see us? Oh well one of the factors about this is the impostor syndrome now truth be told. I heard another podcast her talking about this and she does some type of millennial type of podcast and she did such a. She really really did a great job about it and I reached out to her to be a guest on the podcast however I have not heard back from her yet but so I thought I'd give it a shot because I thought that the information really to get out there and it's something that seventy percent of the population of all the population deal with no matter what your economic or academic achievements are people have a hard time interning leising their own success. People still see themselves as unworthy to being in certain places and in certain spaces so even Michelle Obama is accomplished as the OBAMAS were Michelle Obama admitted that she still at times has felt and dealt with pasta central sue speaking at the Elizabeth Garrett Anderson School. It's an all girls school in North London. Pretty Funny Story. Michelle Obama recalled how the Queen had dismissed royal protocol as rubbish when the OBAMAS visited Windsor. Castle right She said she was panicking about how to act around in front of the Queen and the Queen is like listen. Just get in. Ask about how she felt to be seen as a symbol of hope. Mrs Obama told students. I still have a little bit of imposter syndrome and never goes away. That you're actually listening to me. It doesn't go away that feeling that you shouldn't take me that seriously. What do I know I share with the that with you because we all have doubts in our abilities about power and what power is if I'm giving people hope then? That is a responsibility so I have to make sure that I am accountable right so even missed Michelle. Obama stated this state some other things if my memory serves me correctly stating that she certain times and certain places she still feels unworthy and not just to give a quick definition as to what it is. Now it's not something that is in the DSM that is the diagnostic and statistical manual of Mental Health Disorders. That was called the DSM that is the almost the Bible that psychologists and sociologists and psychiatrists all Consult When they're trying to determine what type of mental disorder that someone would have so this impostor syndrome has not been recognized as as something that is in the DSM although they do blame it on on some of the effects that he can't have anxiety mostly anxiety and depression. So if you have imposter syndrome than as good chance that you have anxiety and depression it is also one of the reasons by certain people will be so lax when it comes to starting something new. Why they do with procrastination. So Imposter Syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evidence. Success imposters suffer from chronic self-doubt and accents of intellectual. Fraudulence that override. Any FEELINGS OF SUCCESS WORKS DONOR. Proof of their competence. They seem unable to internalize accomplishments. However successful they are in their field high-achieving highly successful people often suffer so imposter syndrome doesn't equate with low self esteem or lack of self confidence right. It doesn't always equate with that. In fact some researchers have linked it with perfectionism especially in women and among academics. So some of the thought processes that are going on. When when this is going on is they feel as if I must not fail. They put a huge amount of pressure on them And therefore they feel as if one day they'll be found out that they really aren't smart as people think that they are. They feel like they're fake right to despite their level of success to despite how many degrees that they have they feel as if they should not be in the room with certain people previous episode of talked about how many people who are in the military particularly in boot camp have to achieve you know levels of fitness and pass these obstacle course some pass these tests that will help to eliminate this feelings of imposture. Ism If that's even a word That they that level of where they don't feel that the at that they a worthy or good enough as people besides them while you have to have that self talk again. Say to yourself. What of this person passes obstacles and I pass his obstacle course than. I'm just as good as this person. And the truth of the matter is seventy percent of the people of the population are dealing with the Pasta Syndrome. Then if there's a class of a hundred people right then seventy persons in that class are doing when the Pasta Syndrome and feeling as if they are good enough either. Take that. Think about that. The other recognize imposter feelings when they emerge awareness is the first step to change so ensure that you track these thoughts what they are and win that they emerged rewrite your mental programs instead of telling us if they're going to find you out that you don't deserve success remind yourself as normal not to know everything and that you will find out more as you progress right. These are some of the self hacks that you can do in order to to defeat imposter syndrome. Talk about feelings. There may be others. Who feel like impostors to. It's better to have an open dialogue rather than harbor negative thoughts alone. You whether you want to talk to your coworkers about that I I don't know but certainly talk to family and friends people that trust and let them know how you feel and those persons there truly in your corner will let you know that you really are worthy. You really did achieve these things. You really can't do these things. Be kind to your so remember that you're entitled to make small mistakes occasionally in forgive yourself. Don't forget to reward yourself for getting the big things right. I gotta be honest. This is one of the biggest things that I have. I'm going to be really honest and open and say that. Sometimes I struggled with perfectionism right when I listened to two former Previous episodes my podcast. I still over them from time to time. Trying to get better listened to them and I'm like why did I say that? Why did I do this Sometimes when I write things I read the blogs oversight men how come I didn't catch this mistake how come. I didn't catch that mistake. But being able to forgive yourself and learn along the way is part of the process and I have to learn to forgive my so and not be so hard on myself but it also strive for perfection without being a perfectionist. Them accents you want to seek support. YOU WANNA visualize your success. See Yourself doing well see yourself graduating. See yourself getting those high honors. See yourself getting that promotion so there was an article in the Huffington Post in which the author discussed not only what imposter syndrome is. But the fact if you're African American you are ten percent more likely to suffer from from this and this is why it's so important and I stress the so important that we need to see African Americans in positions of prominence whether it's on the TV screen whether it's in politics whether it's an academia whether it's police officers weather's corrections officers whether it's firefighters. We need to see other person's doing these jobs to let you know that these things are possible and all persons Are the same in that. You can have the same opportunities in same level of intelligence as as other persons may be even more intelligence. And so when we don't have these people in these positions when you walk into a room and this has happened to many African Americans who have achieved some high level of of success when they walk into a room where there's other equally successful people in. You're the only black person in the room. Then you feel as if you don't belong there somehow. That's why it's extremely important that we that African Americans deal with these feelings of of Imposter Syndrome. Coordinate with other persons who are just as successful as as you are as they are and collaborate with them right. This is why this is why they do it. Not because this is one of the reasons why they do it. Not because they're trying to be antisocial or just trying to keep it a black thing and put that up quotations but because there's always this feeling as if we don't belong there for some reason not always but many times is the feelings as if we don't belong there and some people are actually pushed in bettered by this situation where. I'm where they are Standing in a situation where they feeling as if they have made it somehow I can remember a story that Michael told me. Back in the nineteen sixties. He's working for The company that he was that he was working for an honest his sixties. I think it was the late sixties. And he's working for boat company and so what's happening is he had to go. They sent him on a on a business trip and he had to give a presentation for the company. Here he is in the nineteen sixties. A black guy going to on a business trip to a hotel stayed in a hotel and then had to go and give a talk before all these other person's right in a obviously the vast majority of them were white but he gave himself a pep talk and he did really well and after the presentation. they A lot of people came up to him. Congratulated him on on. You know on how well he did. But so imagine the feelings of inadequacy and odd self doubt that could have riddled his mind. Back in the nineteen sixties. But he was able to persevere and push through and that's the type of stories that I need to. Here's this type of these dachsie told the story to my daughter's well she to hear that type of story and so we all need to hear these stories about how we how we have made it In the face of pressure my daughter is Is obviously a girl and she needs to hear that story. He's black female and she needs to hear these stories of triumph so we all need to hear them so let me just read a little bit from the Huffington Post article by this author. People of color like myself are particularly vulnerable to this debilitating sensation. That's because for us. Impostor syndrome isn't an imaginary voice in our head. We hear loud and clear will receive.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Motherhood Sessions
"I'm struck by the story from your childhood about feeling like a ghost because I think that you're still struggling with the experience of invisibility Ano-. It sounds like it's happening in in your difficulty sharing and the story in the memory of your losses and feeling overshadowed by the loss of this other woman so I wonder what it would take to be to become more visible to help yourself be more seen. I have no idea I think in terms of my first husband had seen you sharing more memories without being asked maybe Do you feel like you can do that with your current husband. I think that I do sometimes. But there's such a focus on Sharing Memories of our daughter's mom and You know dinner something. Will Mommy really loved this food? This was her favorite and Can I say that? Like oh my. It's been really like this when he was alive and Do you WanNa hear funny story. Worry would happen if you did that. that I am competing or the I'm trying to Four smile life on them. I'm not really sure but But it's almost like they're talking to each other your husband and his daughter about the woman who died who they miss and you have no one to talk to about it. You're not talking about your prior has been because this is A. You're watching a father daughter. An exchange about the M- the woman who died and that has nothing to do with your story and so it doesn't feel right to insert your story and you're making that choice and keeping it private and that you could choose to talk about him Anytime and you could choose to make yourself be visible. Maybe it's about making your feelings and thoughts and needs more visible with your current has been and knowing that when you don't assert them you're just choosing to how to be private. You're not you're not being it's not happening to you the way it did in your childhood your choosing it the. I think I think you really do make great point and how lonely I make myself feel To look at it as if like I'm just being unseen I think they're definitely occasions when I could be more vocal and One of the fears that I think is that yes I have this deep fear of being invisible and that I do make myself so out of habit or you know just life experience like it's the best way to be but then on the other end of it like what if I take up too much space you know like the majority of my family unit lost the same person in you know like maybe maybe their lost the supposed to look bigger than mine because there's no one for me to share in the family unit. You know what I mean but you have this new problem with keeping yourself small which you feel like an and I think that feeling like an impostor is interfering with naturally giving this little girl affection even if you do feel affectionate towards her. It's like you're working so hard to keep your small like you're cut off from your feelings because you're working so hard to keep yourself small and so I think we need to look at what fills you what makes you feel seen. What are your sources of receiving love? I think I think that that is gonNA come from taking up more space in your marriage. And how do you ask for more time and space to talk about your feelings including your feelings about your prior husband and your feelings ran his loss and practice communication about your past more communication about your differences from his prior wife. I think you need to feel like you have permission to be yourself in your in this new family and and to see that nothing bad is going to happen. I think that I am also. I need to find a line between helping to teach her about her mom. I make such an effort in teaching her. These funny stories are preferences or you know what what have you but also teaching her about myself and I think that I really struggled with knowing win. That is you know. I think that's always. You should always be teaching her about yourself because you're real and you are her stepmother. Which is her mother. Yes and H- you don't have to worry about honoring the memory of her other mother because her dad can do that and it's real. She lived she. Her story is is there and you don't have to remember to make space for it visit. I think it will come up on. Its Own yes. I just don't want her to feel as if I'm trying to cover up her mother or that. I don't care to know who her mother was. I want her to hear from me that I know these things that I care about them that I care that she knows them. But you're not you're not trying to cover up her mother so you don't have to fear that she would think that because it's not true you're just growing growing and adding this new family on to the story the prior story of this family and the prior story of your history. I want her to just have a strong sense of self where she comes from. This was her birth mother. This is her stepmother. This is her dad and this is her family history and then she feels really confident in where she comes from. I don't know but it sounds like there's already very nice foundation of honoring the memory and keeping room in the house for her birth mother. But it sounds like you are holding yourself back for making room for yourself. Yeah so I think in order for her to feel like she has that Strong Foundation. She needs to get to know you better. You need to show more of your softer. What do you think it was? Just now that brought tears I just love her so much and I feel for her in like what what she'll go through In feeling this whole for her mother and knowing that I may never fill. It probably won't ever fill it. She's always going to have this wound of lake that loss in Wondering if out of a sense of loyalty to her mom that she won't WanNa love me or that. She'll shun affection for her or not. Trust me or You know I know but I think she's. She was three when she lost her. Mom YOU'RE GONNA have more years with her than she had with strew. Next year you will have as many years with her. She had with her mom. Cow Her attachment to you is has the chance to build. And she's going to know you better than she knew her because she was so little so I think it's intimidating to really appreciate that you're her mother but she's going to view you as her mother because it's gone the majority of what she knows. I hear you. You're afraid that that will never happen. But maybe your holding back from really making Matt Happen because you're scared of the rejection but I think it's going to happen pretty naturally and I think you're GonNa have to trust her more that she can love you like a mother so I think you need to take this risk of being more real with her allowing yourself to have moments where you are introverted and not perfect safety that she can love you through that but she's not going to punish you through that and to see what happens.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Motherhood Sessions
"It sounds like you're feeling so uncertain. If you're doing a good job here with your step mothering you know. Are you an imposter of this? Little Girl's mom. Are you stepping into her shoes? Too much or not enough. This must be really weighing on you it. It sounds so hard and you're being very hard on yourself. Yeah and I'm a perfectionist by nature. Lakey no I I try to do what is right or best are always like shift the system just enough to you know tweak it perfect it I'm always looking for the better way. And I just have this very loud. Inner critic I find that I'm terrified to have a bad day with her. I'm terrified to repeat patterns. That were were just normal in my life as a child and immune We had a mom who was very self sacrificing and very generous but not really emotionally available and I think that was in large part because she was constantly navigating my dad's upswings and downswings and When you think about my childhood one of the first things that always comes to mind is this night when they were having allowed Fi- And it had gotten to a point where she decided she needed to leave the house and hopefully with all of the kids And in the tussle to get to the door I had a sister who is two or three sitting on a Barstool who was knocked over and fell to the ground and I remember light coming for her and holding her while she cried. Trying to make fuel okay. But in the meantime my mom and another sister get out the door in so I'm rushing the baby to my mom. My Dad's at the door. There's this huge flurry of activity She gets through and I don't and he won't opened the door and let me through and my mom gives up at a certain point decides that I'll be fine for the night or two lights or hover long. She was gone but that it just yeah. She left me. Yeah I just felt so abandoned and upset with the big bad wolf you know so A lot of things like that where things could shift very suddenly My mom had very little power and very little voice soon And we were just a bird in. We were something that kept her from being able to have a better life. Have you know that she volvo does felt so unseen an unloved I was always trying so hard I remember like cleaning the house for my mom. You know doing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom. Picking up toys. Now wait around the corner of the door and I would wait for it to affect her. Somehow like you'd come home from this hard day and it would be looking for the sense of relief for like a shoulder tension to drop or smile and like I never got it and And so all the time and effort that I spent trying to regulate my mom's emotion or To show her that I cared for her and feeling it was never seen at all You know there's no possible way. You could ever keep all child's artwork but I remember seeing my art work in the trash like carelessly like not hidden under anything and feeling like this is my mother's Day picture to you like and it's not being kept or you know you know my family. I wasn't touched. I wasn't praised like I just existed. I earned the nickname ghost very early in my childhood because his very good at not making sound when I breathed or creeping through the house or Then I felt that that skill was really helpful and like getting my sisters. Were they needed to be in the house when a fight was happening or Or when I needed to disappear so I saw my family and what I came from as bad and I wanted to do whatever I could to look different or talk to fret or be different like I am in from the south regionally and you wouldn't know it to hear my voice her i. I even broke my southern accent like I. I wanted such a departure from where I came from. I didn't want anyone to be able to draw a parallel. Anything can very afraid of becoming my mother having my mother's experience Do feel like and trying so hard not to act like my family acted and What if that is really me deep down like what if I am just emotionally checked out and unavailable and Incapable of Holding space for someone else's needs do you feel emotionally checked out when you're with No but I let's see she. She could feel sad that someone her feelings at school. And I just have this get over. It mentality like Maybe not even say anything to just. Let her talk into the void and not respond. Because that's what I had and I don't want to do that with her like I'm constantly watching myself in like fueling that like tug of love for her. You know the invisible string Being proud of her being happy for her just admiring like who she is loving her And it is really hard for me to remember like Oh this is a good time to give her a hug or a kiss on the Cheek Reno like whatever it is lake. Maybe I should linger here in this moment. Let Iraq with me in the chair like I have to remind myself that these are ways that a child feel special and safe in Bonded do you feel urges to hug her and touched her sometimes and sometimes I have to remind myself because it's not as if I don't enjoy it. I love to make her feel loved and I love. I love it when she comes in. You know holds my hand or asked me to rock with her asked me to do the bedtime story like my heart just wants to burst like I love her so much But I after work hard to show her sometimes I want her to know in a way that I didn't know but then in the giving it's like Oh this is hard. It's hard for like me to give it away.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Motherhood Sessions
"Today I'm talking to a woman. We're calling harper. She's in her late twenties and lives in Virginia five years ago. She married her first husband but shortly after he died in a car crash a few years later trying to move on she joined a support group for other young widows. It was facebook group of all things. Young widowed and dating is that it was called through. This group. Harper met the man who would become her second husband a widower with a five year. Old Daughter. The little girl was three when she lost her mom to bring cancer. I think I say this jokingly but it's really serious. There are a lot of people in our relationship. There's you know my dad spouse. There's his dead spouse And then there's the little girl in the middle of it now harper's trying to embrace the role of step mom while also honoring her stepdaughters loss. I think that I always feel so uncertain. I question everything Whether or not I should be the one to tuck her in or whether I should be the one that is disciplining of behavior Or even giving affection like my the one that jumps in when she sad or she falls down Like how much. I don't WanNa overcompensate for me not being her biological mother for me having this new role in her life yet. I also don't want her to feel separate from to you. Know much about her mom. Yeah I've tried really hard to learn about like personality in her quirks and what she didn't didn't like because it means a lot to me to keep her alive. are stepped or my stepdaughter. Gra. Would he know about about this woman that she was fun and joyful That she could be very stubborn but she was always ready to Kind of what? They always say that if she wanted to do something she did it. So whether that was like booking a cruise out of nowhere or like going on a trip to Disneyland like whatever experience it was like she just kind of grabbed a life by the horns and brought the people she loved with her and she just kind of had this infectious happiness at mean. You know I know that. Like no one's perfect memories. We share like the ones who passed on Lake. Gets a little like rose-colored sometimes you. She was not without fault but like I do wonder often if she would be proud or happy that I'm the person who fills this role now Sometimes when I'm you know losing my patience Lake would which she be. Impatient right now is. It is a truly a hard moment owners. Because they don't have this natural maternal bond and that I'm like I feel that I have to fight For that connection and for me to like want this life with her family that she should have never left you know So that's part of the impostor fear. Oh Yeah like I. I am being loved in the way that she is supposed to be being loved and You're filling her shoes and you're not sure if you deserve it. I feel sometimes that in filling her shoes and I I struggled to assert my own personality. Maybe Or that I like things differently. You know they even things like football. I don't enjoy the sport and she made an effort to learn to enjoy it. You know with my husband and they have great memories and I you know. I don't see myself being that gung-ho ever and even little things things like that are enjoying wine you know having a glass of wine at night. I don't likewise makes me tired. But that was the thing that they shared and You know we share different things in. It's it's hard to sometimes figure out what is equality that I would really like to emulate from her mothering. Her her time as a wife and like what is what is my particular stamp Does your husband talk about her ya all the time. And how do you feel when he's talking about her? I think most of the time I'm just kind of there to witness it you know and I'm there to learn I think there may be moments when I fall a little jealous or isn't floors if I was in a shadow and I don't think there's any way that I couldn't But he's had the strength and the emotional ability to sit with me through those things and to give me the space to work on it on my own but I also understand that I do the same thing like I share memories of my first husband and I have surprising moments of grief. That just out of nowhere that he has to sit with me through and How did your relationship with your husband kind of linger in your mind as you were starting? This new relationship is very hard. Especially in a physical sense to Inara to cass or to be more intimate like it was Not that I felt that I was cheating but just the difference. had a filter from I was just so accustomed to his body. Even like a hand my hand on his shoulder. sometimes grab my husband shoulder like grays against him. I expect to feel like the wiry hardness Linke -ness of my first husband's body and then his is completely different. Yeah and it can be shocking. Like sometimes that's devastating to feel the difference in all of a sudden like I'm just thrown into this moment of grief We didn't fall out of love with who we lost Lake. We're still in love with them. And I think that's a hard thing for people understand like we didn't move on. We kind of decided to move forward together. Did you ever think about like? Wow can I handle walking into the situation as I did wonder because I knew that it would very much be me walking into his life then like yes. They have my loss but sometimes it felt like his loss overshadowed mind because the child was involved Incite thought that his wife's memory would become more important than my husband's. I do feel like my first husband is kind of invisible because of the focus the focus on preserving her mother's memory and I I think I recognized that like my husband's story smaller and less seeing. There's no one really in my current life who knew him well who I can share memories and stories with and so if I can't really have that in my daily life so I get any other part of my history or do I just have to like Kabosh..
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on The Speed of Life Show
"I'm here to get you Out of the rat race and create a life you frigging love. So let's get started high friends and welcome to another episode of the speed of life. PODCAST I. I'm your host navigate man and today we have a juicy topic. We are talking about imposter syndrome. And how to over comment comment for good. I'm going to discuss a little bit about imposter syndrome. What is the different faces? It shows up as and I'll share some of my personal experiences with imposter syndrome and how I overcame myself and then I'll give you three things that you can can do in your everyday life to begin to overcome this nasty imposter syndrome for yourself. So let's get started now. Often people feel like they are not good enough. They don't know enough and they don't actually deserve the status or the success success that they have and one day they're going to be found out they don't necessarily believe that they deserve their success and they feel that they're not skilled enough to hold the position that they have or to be in a role that they that they're currently in. They're really afraid aid that one day they're going to get caught by their superiors or their peers and they'll be revealed as a fraud. They're afraid that people around them their colleagues their peers or their counterparts. Actually a lot more than them and on top of that when other people praise them them and say what good job they're doing or how amazing it is put that they've accomplished so much. They feel really reluctant to accept these praises uses. So why is that. Why does imposter syndrome hit so many people imposter Syndrome is something that has kind of developed over time. But it's become a very hot topic. Recently it's more about people not having the confidence confidence in believing in themselves. They are so afraid that they're supposed to be at a at a higher level intellectually or skillfully that they're afraid that what they have is not enough. Everything they know is not enough at one day. They're just going to get caught as an impostor auster they kind of feel like they're playing this role and they're just kind of faking it till they make it which I honestly believe is a load of crop. I think think that we all have certain qualities accomplishments and skills that make us who we are and we just need to stand behind that and really believe it so let me share my personal story being a professional having accomplished so much watch it eventually getting my law degree. This was more than I ever felt. I would have accomplished in my life truly and when I got there instead of being excited about all my accomplishments I was so afraid I had a real fear that I actually didn't belong there when people all my friends. My family would praise me or brag about my accomplishments. I felt uncomfortable. All I wanted them to stop I did at one view myself or portray myself as being this accomplished person often at work. I was the only female in a room countless times. I was the only female at the table and on top of that the only colored person at the table kind of a double whammy to be the only female and the only colored prison outta table so there was a lot that I was carrying agreeing with me a lot of times. I felt like I didn't belong. I was surrounded by old white men. My opinion did it. Even matter. You're I wasn't sure often would stay quiet because they obviously know more than me. They must be more accomplished. They exude all of this confidence and they spoke was so much so much emphasis and confidence and I just felt that their voices are louder than mine. What they had to say was more important than me and no matter what I accomplished deep inside still kept feeling like I really didn't know enough that even though I did my best and got a lot of praise a small part of me just kind of felt like I wasn't enough and I was just faking it? I was playing a character so to speak on the outside appear to be confident. In fact most people that know me would have no clue flu that I felt like a fraud on the inside but I found myself always afraid of making a mistake and I was so afraid aid and thought that others probably have no idea that I don't know what I'm doing. The feelings of being an impostor ended up becoming so strong long that I found myself leading with that thought I was actually freaking myself out even more instead of having confidence in myself and my abilities. I actually filled filled to acknowledge the fact that I had earned my position. I fill to remember the persistence and the hard work that went into my education occasion and my training to get me where I am today. I feel to honor that girl inside of me that made all the sacrifices to get into for this role and to accomplish all that I had in that moment I was basically allowing my fear to guide me. I failed myself off and let all of my hard work. Just be washed away with his fear of being an impostor or not knowing enough or not being good enough. It was through a lot of introspection that I was able to shed these negative thoughts. It took a lot of work and a lot of rewiring hiring of my mind not to fall into that trap. I had to learn how to separate all of the negative feelings from the actual actual facts and then had to learn to step into this accomplished person that I knew I was. I had to be that person I had to show up like that person in order to stop believing all the crop that was going on in my mind I realized that every body doing something worth Earth doing has to start somewhere and every time I started something new. It was an opportunity for me to grow. I had to learn how to be easier on myself. Learn to forgive mistakes and celebrate my winds and eventually before. I knew it that feeling of being an impostor Mr was just lifted off of me. I stepped into the confident person. I knew I was in a new belonged there so having experienced all of this I really wanted to share with you. Some things that you can do in order to shed your impostor syndrome and really step into that kick ass person that you really are. What most people want? Most people that are experiencing some sort of imposter syndrome. Just want to be able to walk walk into a meeting or a presentation or a networking event and turn off that feeling of being abroad fraud. They want want to be able to adjust. Turn off that switch and not feel those feelings again and I wish it was that simple. I wish I could just tell you to stop it if you could good but we all know that's not how this works feelings are unfortunately the last thing to change all of the other work that takes more effort comes first. So what is it that you can do. The I think that's the most important is really just recognizing and understanding adding that your peers or colleagues or those people around you. That don't feel like frauds or they don't appear to feel like impostors it's not because they're more capable or more intelligent than you are. It's not that they've accomplished a lot more. And that puts them at a higher standard. No they're no more prepared or no more trained than you but the key difference between you and them is simple the situations that you face that make you feel triggered and make you feel like imposture simply just triggered different front feelings for those people. They're just not focused on what's locking. They're focused more on what they already possess. And and that is the key difference. So if you don't want to feel like an imposture then don't think like one that what is the key the more you've kind of focused on all the things that you're not all the things that are missing all the things that are lacking in your situation Asian the more all of that will actually come to the surface and the more likely you are to make a mistake. So it's kind of like a self fulfilling prophecy the more you feel like you're not good enough that you don't belong there the more. You're actually probably more likely to make a mistake. Take and then believed that. You don't belong there because you're not good enough so you need to stop actually thinking like a fraud in order to stop being defraud. Here are some things that you can do three things that I was able to implement in my life in order to turn turnaround that feeling and actually not feel like an imposter syndrome imposter anymore. I shed that imposter syndrome quite some time ago and I've I have never looked back so let's see what these three things are. Let's start with number one. which is separating? Your feelings clings from the Fox. So let's really try to understand this. You need to realize that everybody has their off days and if one day you're not feeling your sharpest or feel unprepared for something that doesn't mean actually don't know anything feeling links stupid about one thing doesn't actually make you stupid. The fact is that you've put in so much work and no a lot more than you think so. You need to learn in that moment to recognize that this is a feeling that's coming over me. It's not a fact it doesn't actually mean I'm useless or stupid or don't belong here. It's just how I feel in this given moment and I can move past it now that I've recognized it. The second thing you want to do is recognize when your feelings are actually warranted so there may be times. uh-huh were your the Newbie and you don't actually know as much as your peers or times. We clearly the odd one out Kinda like me being the only colored woman in a room majority of the time at those times. It's okay if you're feeling a little off or like at outsider. Her your incompletely new territory and maybe in that moment you don't actually fit in and that's okay that doesn't mean that you don't have the opportunity need to grow you need to view this as an opportunity to carve out your own space and create a role for yourself in this new place. Ace were maybe. You don't look like everybody else. Recognize those feelings when they're warranted and let it be okay. Hey don't be so hard on yourself which leads me into point number three create a new language for yourself so we all have our own commentary around tough situations for instance if you started a brand new job instead of telling telling yourself this story like wait until they find out. I actually have no idea what I'm doing. What are they gonNA think? Why don't you try telling yourself the everybody starts somewhere? And even though I don't have all the answers and don't know how to do everything I've got the intelligence and the means is to figure it out and that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to figure it out so if you're doing these three things constantly really it's going to help you switch off those feelings of imposs- being an impostor and bring out stronger feelings of confidence and competence impotence. We both know that you're actually a strong intelligent and capable woman and it's just a matter of bringing that to the surface so the next time you're sitting in a room and doubting your place or doing a project and not knowing what the next step is next time. Somebody's praising you and you're actually feeling like it's not warranted and you don't deserve that praise or the next time you get a raise and you're not really sure if you should be getting that or if you can take on the next level of responsibility I want you to stop in your tracks and really recognized that. It's the impostor syndrome feelings that are coming up. It is not a reflection of who you are as a person or what you are capable of doing so when this comes up do these three things remember one separate your feelings from the actual facts Fox learned that this is just how this moment is making you feel it does not mean that is a fact. That is what you actually are to recognize when the feelings are warranted in situations where the you're the new face or everybody else is slightly lead different. And maybe you feel like you don't belong use that as an opportunity to create your own space and grow into that role. Don't be so hard on yourself yourself in those moments when you're faced with a new situation and number three create a new language for yourself new commentary career.
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Girls Night with Stephanie May Wilson
"So she's worked a lot with, you know, big time us artists than people who have in our is like made. Right. Like they have the thing right there, there. And she's like they feel it to like, I'm, like, does it ever? She was like talking to me. I think I remember this. We were walking around the grocery store or something. And she's telling me about how they experience. And she goes it hit me, like does it ever end? And she was, I think it ever really ends because we as humans are still naturally somewhat insecure. You know, I think there's times where you can be more competent, and you can learn how to own not on a daily basis. But I think it's when we begin to believe the lie that once we hit this benchmark or this goal or that thing or this milestone, that's when it'll go away. I mean, that's a huge concept in my book that I'm just learning in my personal life because you often write what you need to remember what you need to know and one big piece of encouragement that we give to anyone who is experiencing imposter syndrome. His it, doesn't it really doesn't go away per se. But I think you know understanding that and then realizing your purpose or, or sense of fulfillment, or your sense of competence, isn't gonna come because you, you know, got that opportunity or finally, hit that milestone or figured out your best job like it can bring. A bit more confidence. It can bring some more satisfaction, but I think it's remember like our purpose is this thing or this, you know, our confidence, or we don't overcome impostor syndrome, just by some milestone, happening or some, you know, hitting some benchmark or some goal which I often think we're told it's like that comes from within, and we have to learn how to bring that to those faces even before we hit those goals, even before we hit those milestones, or have this opportunity. And that's I think of mindset shift, that's really hard because we have been inundated for like years of this message. Hey, once you thought goal once you get that thing, once you graduate, once you get your degree. Once you get married, once you fill in the blank, you'll find your purpose. You'll find your satisfaction. You'll be confident, you'll be complete in..
"imposter syndrome" Discussed on Hilarious Humanitarians Podcast
"Recovery is your support system. And you see it like, you can see it. It is so evident like even when we would discharge people who had nobody to discharge home win or people whose families showed up, and they were supportive and non-judgmental complete and total energy different different. Completely. If you could you probably could written trajectory of success. Yeah. Like, you can see like, okay. I'm certainly people who have support there are times where they do come back. There's a readmission or there's sometimes that people are just not reachable in that moment. Yes. But when but for the most part what we would see is people who had support often would not come back. They wouldn't have a readmission they would recover, and they would move on compared to the people that have absolutely no support and nothing, and then you would see them like a month later. Yeah. If they would be like on a cycle of depression, or whatever or or just or a group or people that didn't support whatever the process was. I know you're looking at families like that don't maybe aren't super and the one individual needs to be sober. It's you know, or they can't drink because they have diabetes or other issues medical issues that are, you know, I think it's it's a it's a process. I just I think the more we. Can I member who who was it my Angelou? I forget I heard someone who said what react when we get triggered in spice someone else. Like when we react like, oh, that's horrible. Are we at triggered? It's really a reflection of something we're battling in ourselves. And so when I get like, I have a big thing about lying. But I also know at my worst. I commend late any situation. I'm really good at being manipulative. Yeah. Like out myself there. Yeah. But I think it's because I I wanna be righteous because I don't do it. Right. And I see someone else doing it. It's I have a little bit. It's not fair. I could do that to get away with bullshit bullshit. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And I totally and I think that, but I I don't get as reactive about other things. And I'm like interesting. What does that say about me? What do I need to go in instead of going out in the world, and attacking what kind of internal battle of my having because that's a button you do something else. You spit on. The sidewalk in front of me. And I'm like, whatever, you know. But then all of a sudden, you don't tell the truth. I'm like losing my shit. Yeah. And it's like, oh, okay. So I just think it's something also for us to be aware of is to go in to our own stuff before we start spewing going out. And that I say that for myself. Yeah. Okay. So guess what I forgot to do. I saw that. And then I was like are not going to do it. But if I can I can I pick a kind of to. Yes. How did you sexy voice? How long so guy your impostor voice. I forgot. I completely forgot to do the disclaimer shows you how much I like the liability. Oh, I'm really scared. And then I forget to do it. So I just ignored. I gotta do. That I saw. So real quick. This is normally something I would do in the front end of the episode. But hey, you know, what we are. We're flowing and we're flexible. Here goes partial break, here's the disclaimer the humanitarian podcast is for informational purposes. Only does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice diagnosis or treatment, always seek the advice of your physician mental health. Mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions, you may have regarding a medical condition. All right. So before we wrap up I pulled up something again about imposter syndrome. And the question is why do people experience imposter syndrome and says there's no single answer Wichai like Lima's, and we've just been talking about how everyone has a path and a journey, and it's also. It's open for interpretation and experience. So they say there's no single answer. Some experts believe it has to do with personality traits like anxiety, while others focus on family or behavioral causes sometimes childhood memories. Such as feeling that your grades were never good enough for your parents or that your siblings. Outshone you inserting again leaving. I think oldest right. Yeah. I did even read this before. Then when we talked before, we started member your or did you say like brother lawyer, and I'm the older sister. Exactly why I'm laughing because I'm like, oh this articles talking about me that's weird anxiety and trying to compete with your siblings at school. I don't know anything about. My little brother everyone thinks he's older than me. We're only twenty months apart. But still I'm like, no, I'm older. So it does say how to deal with imposter syndrome. I want him please one of the first steps to overcoming. This is to acknowledge the thoughts and put them in perspective, which we've been. Yeah. Kind of setting an example like how to do it like entire episode? Right. Kind of processing this with with me. I go through it pretty much every day simply observing that thought as opposed to engaging in it, which is great. And in a future episode. We're gonna talk about anxiety versus intuition like since meeting you. I'm I think even I've had people tell me that I'm quite intuitive. But I'm also quite anxious, and I have to work on actively really sitting back and going is this things -iety, or is this intuition. Yeah. And in my case a lot of the times it is. Because it's a lot of like intrusive. Knit like intrusive thoughts