23 Burst results for "dr joy"
"dr joy" Discussed on The Read
"The even the storming of the capitol i felt like i was looking at that and i was like shaking my head and even my momma called me like the next day and she was like. I just wanted to see how you're doing mentally like it's like mommy. Don't i'm not shocked. I knew these right alison. I shook my head laugh at a lot of the absurdities. Guess i'm still paying these bills. But even that is a trauma response it is. It is black people being like girl. I have seen white fullerene. Pigs used many times before so. I'm during an laugh at the funny parts and go on with my day. No ones should have should be numb or desensitized. That's been anybody looking at it. And i was like yeah. So let's the entire trump presidency from day one. Even before he was elected has been absurd. Mega and yet. If you actually pay attention to it and you feel the impact of everything that's going on you will lose your shit so maddening. That's that's where we are right now. We're just swinging the toes in. Yeah just filling the edge right now. We haven't jumped over that bitch. We we perched who who even knows what's around the riverbed man so yes again. God bless all the blacks and that will wrap this week's episode of the re check us out on social media at this is three our website is this is the dot com. You can find our merch at shop. The read dot com. And thank you again. Dr joy for coming through this week. Thank you to everybody who sinton Letters for her. I hope to do something like that again Before too long. Because i just think it's so helpful to have somebody who actually knows what they talking about. We could have read. Write and make sure you right. There were so many letters that we did not have a chance to get to but also make sure you check out there for black girls. Everything dr joy has going on even if you are not a black girl therapy just therapy things please. Nine start Looking at ways you can be more mindful in your own life But anyway yes any news for you from this week. No i'm working on a new uncrossable idea. So i'll is the recipe drought quote unquote uncrossable. I gotta call it something else. I know they voted for trump. I haven't feeling you will come up with an incredible name for your homemade air. Fryer sandwiches excited. Okay well we will see all next week. If the louis say to say jess hey man..
"dr joy" Discussed on The Read
"N. l. e. chopper and and eight bala nj. Because the way that these motherfuckers said all you really believe that we are stealing free damn from like you have a quote unquote democrat president and still have everything that you have. Nothing is going to change nothing. Nothing is going to show interview and be. Make your hose put masks on. You was worried about. He's going off gonna put masks on. And it's like slavery. Like like. I mean he was talking about a national mask mandate but with all the different i mean with all the different state laws and local laws and then people just outright not giving a fuck right i just don't it's probably not all that feasible but like wearing a mask is is just so that you save lives like that's all they're asking you to do like fuck you literally fuck you. How dare you asked me to care about other people or myself. You rude bitch. China take my liberties like that's literally how y'all act about the whole mess situation. So i will just continue to be right here at the house. What else can you do reading psychology books and trying to stay alive in this crazy fucking world you know. We all the psychology books on planet. Earth still not going to be able to understand the dsm five. I feel like i can find a couple of diagnose season or somewhere like you're really way you're mad about is that your new president is not going to openly say that mexicans are rapists and that you know black countries are shithole like your miss. Yes already they miss it already because other than agro was. What's your your your opponent here. Well no hate is even. It's below the bar right now openly. Hey no open. Hey like not like joe biden. Said you can't tell me that if those protesters were black that the scene wouldn't be very different and they had a it. They had a fit. Joe biden is dividing the country. What we need right now is unity. Marco rubio's dumb talking about joe biden his comments there's just causing further division in america. And what we need right now is to come together and bullshit bullshit bullshit. The only reason people say that is because they don't want you to hold them accountable for the terrible things that they have encouraged other people to say do. How are you upset. A joe biden or anyone saying that if were black people out there blank blank blank when literally the mother fucker storm the capital. Were out there. Screaming yard shooting us like black lives matter. We're not the other side. You're not supposed to treat us like this like they were literally out there saying no you. Don't shoot our beat. Us our tear-gas let's do that to the negro. How are you going. Dan turn around again mad at anybody for saying the literal got dan same day. This country is such a joke. It's just madness. How can you not feel like what you're saying where it's like. I'm just here girl until i'm not. Meanwhile if they were treating you like black people you wouldn't be alive to say that they were treating you like black people right. They were shot in your mouth for you with departure. Luke i just love how these mother fuckers be like. You're treating us like. Blm like they say. Do you know blm means black lives matter. Do you understand what you're saying that you're saying how dare these people go out and say the black lives matter like i will never understand how a three word phrase has. Y'all this buck impressed. Black lives matter. That's not a difficult thing to say. And yet they get incensed when they hear it because it stands for black lake unity and like you know it. It represents by people standing up for themselves demanding the rights that they should have those like american citizens especially tax thing. it's literally just a representation of black people demanding fair treatment standing up for anything. And i feel like this country is always going to look at black people standing up for themselves and and like demanding fair treatment equal rights as a threat because is if things are not in the shape in the ratio and the whatever that they've always been to white people that's threatening. It's just like you know like when you like. Your baby is eating some goldfish snack and you go in for one of them goldfish and they look at you like i will cut your throat. All avenue five goldfish crackers belong to me your like. That's like white america to me. It's like don't how dare you ask me not to pull a bullet in your ass. Where am i supposed to put the bullet in mind. I don't just shoot or you could just not kill anyone for no farm. You could just not but go any can way so best of luck to black people as always as we get through the next week and that will wrap up this week's episode of the was gonna pass one. Oh i thought she was done. Okay go ahead. This read comes from Which is read. It is Please don't say my city out loud. She can guess where it is. i correctly. guess where it was by the way ooh now. I can't wait okay. So it says to rework all pandemic and i'm sick of all of you nigga food delivery specifically so she does. This might not be a she. I'm sorry names. Kind of unisex. I group of niggers i'm pissed off. Is you customers. Who ain't tipping on your overpriced cheap knockoff mexican food. That costs you thirty dollars. And i got paid two dollars to a twenty minute delivery. Also we don't get workers if you have a mile long driveway in the middle of nowhere so put your damn porch lights on. I know damn al. And i can't see in the dark also a pro tip if you put in the wrong address and we go to that wrong address. Guess what season is your own damn fault and we get to keep your red lobster you raggedy so maybe you want us to bring your bring you your food. Don't be such a rude little toe to us for something. That is your fault. Second group of knicks stat is the fucking restaurants and bars who have patch dining rooms and little to no. I included a video in.
"dr joy" Discussed on The Read
"I thought about writing a book. Because i used to love riding when i was younger. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. My thoughts have not being good enough before paragraphs. So if i know it's relevant as a result of be like i have no direction in life i've noticed detachment from playing with my child. Being six naturally wants to play all day long as she all day long in capital letters. And i can't follow her for it. She can't play with their friends like she used to. So it's on me. I wonder if i'm depressed in to talk to a therapist variety but one. I can't afford it into therapists. Wanted to start at your childhood. We never get to the most recent concerns before the constant sessions start to become a factor as truly. Don't know what else to do any help. That can be provided to me during this incredibly saint time on this planet is appreciated. Thanks caroline caroline. Got going on Yes oh i mean as the mom of two little ones also. I can definitely relate to the kids. Wanna play all day long Kinda thing right. And i'm guessing you know that her baby is home And so she's probably trying to virtual school in know trying to work at the same time so likelier experiencing some complete exhaustion. Like many of them are just trying to like keep all the balls in the air at the same time So i i would just encourage you to really be gentle and give yourself some grease right now In really acknowledged that you are doing the very best that you can in terms of you know trying to keep your little one engaged in trying to keep your you an her safe I think that you want to start there I think the you know. I think it is good that you have been able to recognize these this interest in writing that you've had in the past right so when you're thinking about oh i think i wanted to do something new right now. I think he can't be help. Would kind of think about when you were younger or in your pants like what kinds of things really lit you up. Because they can't be a good indication of something that you need to pick back up and so if writing feels too overwhelming. I'd encourage you not to like just be sitting in front of an open. Google dog with the cursor really long and that just really makes it worse.
"dr joy" Discussed on The Read
"Very athletic. And you've heard it here first on kids very sports. He's a meal exactly what i said on. The christ is clearly. I'm correct about everything that i'm talking about. You're not incorrect. But your prediction. For what my prediction for the progression of this unity of basketball playing team. People muesli has teams. Okay again this my way any other question. No i was gonna ask you know some things about logistics in covert and. You've explained enough to me on this. That's not important. Obviously as charles barkley said athletes pay more taxes so they get the vaccine before the rest of you poor broke makers and so what is their concerned fucking bunch of crunch faye says stupid dumb please my ebay harder taxes. So you've gotta die. Somebody's people actually. You know have to work outside their homes because they make fucking water on the knee and nine thousand our you stupid bitch. Okay right all right all right. That's it for this week's kid very sports. You're welcome and yeah we're gonna take a break here and come back with some fun and some fields so guys..
"dr joy" Discussed on The Read
"Not. yeah. I'm mad at it just not. These two are are harmless. Let them day. Let them have whatever they go have. I'm just not. I'm not emotionally invested in low harvey or michael b jordan as far as the romantic relationships go so invest in besides being like oh like when you see it you think. Oh yeah that makes as yvette and then you know. I just move right on with my day but i spent so much of my time outside of this podcast simply just staring at the ceiling in my apartment and so there's probably don't ask me about a lot of explains a lot of my detachment from these things so it's been a special a week or so for rapper plies as he is reached a new era and his life an era without his signature. Gold teeth he tweeted I just removed and buried my goal. I never thought this day would come. I said buried because he did that. And i will get to it in a second. Okay i never thought this day would come. I wanted elevation. So i step out on faith. I ate some good pussy with them teeth. Oh i heard. Women love men with pretty smiles. Yes he did spell pussy p w asterik sa of course still. Don't get it but you know that's his thing he then posted a video with this tweet is actually posting. He's actually burying the extracted gold teeth in some soil somewhere with somebody's literal. Get me outta spoon from the catcher. I don't know who this is that you decided you could've used your hands. You could've used you know like what do you call those things as spade like with the little gardening to okay. He was literally dampener. The fuck anything. How spoon back in the kitchen. So okay yes. He buried the teeth which looked looks a lot like the like the leftover colonels. That'd be at the bottom of that popcorn. Tenure families half of the past thirty five christmases. I'd never cracked.
"dr joy" Discussed on The Read
"Back through another episode of the end. I am craig. The creek. And i am jackie. Hey this is the read. Thanks for coming is bandied. Welcome back to hell. Let's start things the way you normally do black excellence. This week is going to trae shepherd who is the author of the day might world changed a book that he co wrote with his mom which is meant to help children adjust to the madness has been the covid nineteen oh so At three years old trae was diagnosed with autism. His mom says that although they were told forever diets he was going to deal with all of these things. You wouldn't be able to do like he would be abqtalk. Human being able to communicate. They way they wanted to read or play organized. Sports they were able to crash through all of those things However tries mom at natalie says that When corentin started that she noticed like some anxiety and misunderstanding happening with her son. Just in terms of adjustment of having to school at home and stuff So she came up with the idea to start journaling with trae as a way to help him express what he's feeling missing school missing his friends and from there they start to wonder how other kids were dealing with it so they cover up this book together. His mom helped him come up with the concept and they hired an illustrator. They self published the book since july. They've sold more than two hundred fifty copies of the book and it's being used in classrooms homes across the states says on because of them we can their states including new york pennsylvania michigan georgia and illinois. Trae says i feel excited because it's my favorite book.
"dr joy" Discussed on Black History Year
"I may not get there with you. But i promise that the people you hear the love like they never abandoned us and i would say even people who released scary for most people like george jackson older brother. Jonathan jackson know blood in my eyes. Sola dead brother. Brilliant series kief fought so fiercely. I would argue because he loves so fierce and he actually wrote that to his mother georgia to angela to his brother job that he would his enemies they're enemies would be his enemies in he act accordingly so i think from the framework of love love that we're taught in religion lebanon way we like kick up our two year old levin way we try to get our twelve year old to do their homework from the perspective of love. We're more than what anybody says we are. We have capacity that we've never dreamed of and we can manage our fear so that we stopped allowing ourselves to crowd into containers that are really just. Kettles orchestrated by some cop. That needs to embellish themselves by dominating us powerful dr james. Thank you so much for your time. It's been a great conversation in queued for all.
"dr joy" Discussed on Black History Year
"With so many things pulling on your time. Thanks for spending some of it with black history year whether this is your first or fifth black history year episode. I'm guessing you figure out. This ain't the black history you learned in school. And maybe that's why you're here. Or maybe you value media. That's based on cultivating self respect self sufficiency prosperity and a healthy black community. Or maybe you just want something good for your brain push black exists because we know there are a lot of folks like you in the world and you deserve something fresh and real you make this work possible when you support push black with your contributions at black history. Year dot com. Most people do five or ten bucks a month but everything makes a difference. Thanks for supporting the work. So how do we get to the point where we control these systems that were discussing. You know i have one hundred. That are maybe. It's too revolutionary struggle exhibit. Point is like how are we gonna define it to understand like their pacifism all on board with that. And then there's some people not pets a global family was rtc. I can understand that wing too. But i think we're back to the aspiration and then this is my critique in part of abolitionism people keep talking about freedom dreams and i'm asking what's in your freedom tree when they described this space. It reminds me of when i went to sunday school. Because it reminds me of heaven. And i mike. So how do we get there. What is the elevator escalator stairway. Whatever any he'd seems absent from the dream is reality of the violence that we face. It's a baked into the structure itself. So you're dreaming within a cage and for some of us it's gilded 'cause we still have health insurance. We have nice retirement. Plans and their investment portfolios right Is aren't going to be possessed. The question is how much can we cope with. In terms of our disappointment disillusions betrayals. How much can we talk with in order to stabilize ourselves so we can look at the violence. In all of its manifestations obama was the big tree. Well if that didn't really work out you can say don't blame it on obama sent flannel blaming obama. Look obama was the first black president. It'd be careful what you wish for. So you get africa. You get the drone strikes you know because he has compassion where trump does not you have him weeping emmanuel church. The church after dylann roof wants to start a race war with lake praying black people who invite him into a prayer circle. And you have amazing grace. We have everything in our culture. But you don't have an articulation from obama as president or any president of the united states. About what the white supremacists underground means in terms of our survival as a people with families. We can take care of our families right. would it means when it's underground what it means when it comes above ground. What it means when it infiltrates the nypd or probably is the backbone of the way pg when it's part of the police union rhetoric. You don't have a struggle against that you have an ostrich approaches lie medina godmother's to say like you just sort of put your head in the sand and leave the rest of yourself expose and we've been exposed by almost every political leader who worked within state structure because i believe the code of staying in state structure is not to speak honestly about the depth and the breadth of violence arrayed against black people. Were seen as expendable as edible commodities. You brought up police in. I'm interested there has been recent calls to defunding. The police are able to provide some clarity. Seems to be some confusion in the media around what this means and why this is an alternative to putting more money into the police for training and things like that so the police as we know them exist their origins on the east coast. Come from the seventeen ninety s when they were slave raiders when their job was to track down. Will we try to be free to become humid to extend. You can pull that off in the. Us right. they've new -tated over the years since the war's they've gotten a high grade military equipment because we've been at war the so called war on terror for over a decade that surplus material. What you do with it. You use it at home against the villian population. I would use a different term than defined. Because i don't think it's precise i think it's like the term abolitionism. It's a huge concept that people put different things in it. You will need a police apparatus and this is where. I'm different than must-have abolitionists. I don't care what fleas you used but the most important phrases not about me to the police. It's about control of them. You can you can like take some money from them and these private corporations will give them some more money back there. Police unions will raise money. They have corporate sponsors. If you can't control them you're not in the game. I mean the entire game is to control violence. so we're geared into like party platforms. The community issue is a people's issue and that is where power is if you can control the police you have power because you control the level of violence if you control some line item budget you don't really have power. You're doing an accounting scheme. So dr james one final question. How can everyday folks get involved in. Revolutionary struggle crazy question. I was like the last question when it's a great question. First thing that comes to mind is expand in practice our capacity to love but just in modeling ways which can be cute or sentimental ways or just around the family or the love of fleeing and commodities or being a celebrity or whatever it is that can i help you. Ease the pain of what it means to live in a nation that every day wants to remind you that it hits you in seems to hate itself enough to destroy the planet and so revolutionary love has been spoken about an all of our struggles. I listened to malcolm ballot or the bullet. It sounds like a scary title right. But you listen to malcolm and his voice. I hear the love and actually like he didn't want to leave early in a four daughters behind ryan and betty shabazz. But you hear the lull for our people love for justice. When you listen to barton you know. Not just i have a dream speech but that that last one..
"dr joy" Discussed on Black History Year
"James. Welcome to black history year. Happy to have you here so we start out all our episodes asking folks. What does black liberation look like to you. Wow it's complicated. and it may continually evolve. I think of it as zona freedom and which were allowed to love without fear and we're allowed to struggle without being put into cages or disappeared talking to old friend of mine who is a former member the harlem black panther party earlier this week on the phone and he was saying that there's a difference between revolutionary struggle and liberation. And i was like real. Because i never thought of a distinction between the two they said. The revolutionary struggle with something that would have to address with the entire state. You know the. Us's its origins in genocide. Indigenous people are genocide our bones in our spirits Atlantic ocean night but that liberation was something we could carve out in our lifetimes and smaller spaces within this land which is built on conquest enslavement. So we can liberate our communities. We could have freedom schools. We could worship our spirits. Are god with dignity and so that. What is tangible in. This moment is to struggle for liberation. But what would preserve that liberation. So that we don't have to do it. Every fifty years or every generation like our kids now. Our grandkids are going to have to struggle. after we spent our entire lifetime. Struggling would have to be some kind of revolutionary struggle. Could that could change the structure so that it could nourish people than prey upon them. So could you dive a bit more into your perspective on abolitionism and really let's start with defining kind But abolition is. Because i think for a lot of our listeners. This may be a new concept. So i'd like to give folks information just laid out for us from the base level. Must go from there. Said we think about chattel slavery right abolitionism essentially became a mansa patient and even though they were free blacks. They were not protected by law. But here's the thing that we have to be clear about the foundational abuse of enslaved met. Never concretely lee stopped it. Continuously was reinvented. You have the civil war where lincoln is hesitant about. Black men and women serving. He's not sure as the president that he wants blacks to have access to weapons and at some point when it looks like north is gonna lose. Wbz boys will write and black reconstruction over two hundred. Thousand people of african descent served in the civil war so abolitionism at that point mitt being a soldier mitt. Being a spy. So it's a compromise. It's the deal than you hope. After the war tangible gains will be made that happened in two. You had the of reconstruction so the south is defeated. Northern troops come sal to protect the gains. That are accumulating rapidly among the newly freed black populace. They start schools. They start businesses. They run for office so the black belt. The south is starting to look like a freedom sound or liberation south. But then you have the hayes weatherford compromise where the newly elected president is gonna cut a deal with southerners. If i can be president. I will make sure that the protections for the newly emancipated blacks will be stripped away in terms of federal troops. And you can start rewriting. The laws poll tax all kinds of laws to disenfranchise them from the vote and that is a compromise between the north in the south or the northern and southern whites when get the thirteenth amendment which is supposed to be emancipatory unless you're duly convicted of a crime so what happens with the protectionist start to leave the law becomes more predatory Without black assemblyman without black legislators who either run out of town or their murder their lynched. Your land is taken back. Your houses taken back. They burned down. What you go so you end up after slave with the convict prison system where we die at faster rates than we had on plantations. Why because now we belong to the state inc's so we went from enslavement. Where tragically we lived longer to be slaves to freedom where we die faster as joint property of the state inc so the slave become black coz become jim crow we go from the southern civil rights movement to the black power movement we go from the black power movement to nineteen seventies affirmative action integrationists. We go to cultural movements and cultural studies. We have these uprisings. And then we're here today. But we never achieved power any of those iterations or phases of trying to be a free people. We never achieved sufficient power to make demands that we could enforce and to raise children. That would not be traumatized. Terrorized in this country. Today there is conversations about criminal justice reform. How does that differ from abolitionism. So you would think of the first. Step act with the produce. Some people would call that reforms and the first step at which president trump and his adviser son-in-law in law jared kushner others cobbled together including with the news commentator van jones at first step act was supposed to tell tangible reforms that meant we were on the road to progress towards a more. Just criminal incarceration system inside the justice system. It's an incarceration matrix. I'm not denying that some people got out that's important. It's a federal bill because that's the only thing that you know president really controls the fed's he doesn't control the states the majority of incarcerated people over two million in the us are in state prisons and jails. They're not in the federal prison but for the first step. Act this self-congratulatory moment we become props in our own story so like alice. Johnson is brought out in like. It's so grateful and i'm sure she is like common sense right. But these reforms are not about people's power and i don't believe you can really reform clatter tori carsl system and less people can control the power of their lives in communities that means control over the police not having white male. Da's be the vast majority of district attorneys in the country. Not having the judges remain predominantly white. Not having the supreme court have a six conservative to three centrist liberal. I mean we don't control as a people any of these apparatus right and so the abolitionism that were struggling for within the structure is always gonna be reformist and in some ways it feels like quite a bit comes from the streets. Were we have an uprising or rebellion out of love of our communities in for our sanity. Because people shouldn't be dying the way they're dying but also part of Because it's a tool of manipulation to show that you care.
"dr joy" Discussed on Black History Year
"The frederick douglass had it exactly right and we must never forget power concedes nothing without a demand it never did and never will welcome to push blacks black history year. i'm jay. Thanks for giving us some time. Today as we think about what's needed to achieve black liberation we always have to remember that changing the balance of power in our society is crucial freedom and autonomy cannot be separated and we can have neither without shifting the balance of power in economics in policing and politics in the labor force in schools in every system. That influences our lives much of season two has been about wrestling with these big themes of power and control so we could think of. No one better than renowned abolitionist and scholar. Dr joy james to help us begin to understand these ideas as they relate to what she calls revolutionary struggle. She's the ebonics. Dr fitch professor of humanities at williams college she's authored resisting state violence and seeking the beloved community and edited anthologies on incarceration and politics including the and y davis reader. And the new abolitionists. Oh yeah dr. James knows a lot about diverting power systems..
Taking Action & Taking Care of Ourselves
"Thank you so much joining us today. Dr, Anderson. My pleasure thank you for having me. Dr Joy very, very excited to have you here. So can you start by telling us more about your work with the embrace program? Sure. So the thought is that black families are having talk all the time they're thinking about what to say when their kid is stopped by police officer when they go into a grocery store so they're having these conversations on the talk all the time and what? Embraced is is the opportunity for these families to engage in their expertise already having the talk with some therapeutic strategies mixed in there as well. So how can we as therapists provide treatment around racially specific stuff like and discrimination and how do we support families who are already doing that very hard task in families with their strategies I love it in I. Am curious to hear has your work changed at all I'm giving the pandemic. ooh. That has. Say, how has it changed right given the pandemic. Well, here's what's really fun about universities. You can't just do whatever the heck you want to do, which is great. We're trying to make sure that people are are safe and healthy. So it took us about a year to get the university's blessings to do the work that we wanted to do because we're working with human participants, right so we want to make sure that they're safe and healthy and well. Though we got a thumb up on like March third, we were about to go into the community like March sixteenth and then the university was like, no, there's called so you can't do an area near nothing in the community. So our project shutdown before we were even able to go out into the community in Detroit's do the work. But as we've been talking with our community partners recently, we've had to think about two things one in January, is there a? Way that we can actually flip this online service. What will it look like from a computer or zones do this work, and then to given our families are currently struggling like they are going through a lot they're seeing so much. How can we support them at other ways? So we've done townhall. We've done opportunities to have you know youth call in for like office hours, but we've tried to be really thoughtful and mindful about when people need work in the. Moment like how do we provide services? How do we meet them in their time of me? That's definitely what's been different for us right now. Yeah, and I would imagine as you continue to do the work like even some of the content will likely shift absolute spend the continuing needs at the community is experiencing absolutely. Yeah. We do a lot of examples that will bring in, but we have a lot of space for those current events for those more modern. That are happening unfortunately the names the Hashtag both things can be replaced frequently because of just how much you know disadvantage and disrespecting dehumanisation we see. So you're right we do have to think about that frequently we also offer plenty of opportunities or the youth and their families to tell us what it is that they see in real time. Yes. So we've already talked about like just the incredible amount of stressors at people are experiencing related to the pandemic but also related to continuing of racism. And violence, and so I'm curious can you just talk a little bit about the responses that people are experiencing related to stress? I. Know something that often comes up in the therapy for girls. Community is really just kind of feeling numb everything that's going on. So can you talk about some of those reactions destroys Yeah I'd certainly talk about what numbness is right and what some people see as the antithesis to that of anger fortunately, a lot of the media that would ask me questions about. What protest looked like during the summer would you use the term until us out of place of this idea that quote riots or protests were all about this anger rage and in the first place even if it were, that's not so bad right feel something. But to is it not expected to feel frustration? For being dehumanizing for for being discarded, is that not appropriate in fact to your point? If, we don't WanNa feel what would you expect us to feel in this moment? How would you want us to react to some while who lost their life after eight minutes and forty six seconds of being knelt on national? TV. How do you think I should react and respond? So if anything that the numbness makes me more nervous than anything else I want anger I want frustration I want rage I want to see you react because numbness to me means that your habituated that's what we're thinking about. stressed. Very common responses is to not feel because over time you expect it. You know what's coming? And, if we don't feel anger frustration sadness rage, even if it comes frequently, then that means that we anticipate those types of outcomes we anticipate feeling that dehumanisation and that is more serious than me actor
How to Feel Your Pandemic Feels
"Basically been living in the upside down where one global pandemic and to home is where the everything is allegedly essential jobs gyms daycare centers doctors offices. Your neighborhood B. Y. O. Beaver like they've all moved home. Yeah covert has really put a fresh spin on the idea of having it all kristen which is why. We're starting this season of unladylike with one of the most loaded questions you can ask someone these days. How are you doing? Yeah I mean I think we can all agree with the unladylike listener at the top of the show that it is not ideal. This is a super emotional. Time for folks on so many levels and a lot of us are experiencing just different shades of grief over lost loved ones lost jobs or simply just like a loss baseline peace of mind and kristen as of this recording. You and I haven't had close friends or family members who've gotten sick from Cova but the pandemic has definitely changed our plans for twenty twenty like by this time we would have already been back from an East Coast tour where we were supposed to meet one of our favorite humans face to face for the very first time. Yeah our first tour stop was going to be in. Chicago home to Tyler. Fetter the amazing artists who illustrated are unladylike book and we decided that we still needed to call up tyler anyway for this episode to find out how she's doing so tyler just published a book of her own and it honestly couldn't come at a better time for those grappling with a lot of loss right now dancing. The pity party is a graphic memoir. Which is like a graphic novel. But it's a true story. It's not like a regular memoir with a lot of graphic injury in. It feels weird every time I say Anyway it's about my mom dying of cancer when I was nineteen and it's like the whole Enchilada from Lake. She first felt symptoms diagnosis than when she died on the funeral. And everything and then learning to like be an adult without a living on and it's not one hundred percent sad. A lot of it is sad. But it's not only it's not like the no folk or something. This unladylike episode isn't one hundred percent sad. Ever Tyler says that creating dancing at the pity party was essential for her processing her. Mom's death and also being able to make art through that and we think that hearing from someone who's really been through it and come out the other side of grief can hopefully offer some perspective and comfort listeners. Right now and speaking of listeners. Kristen after we hear from Tyler we're going to hear from an ladies who've left us voice memos and called in to share. How cove is impacting. Their day to day lives. Then we're closing it out with a much-needed zoom trip to our favorite unladylike therapist Dr Joy Harden Bradford Christian one of the things I love the most about tyler is her way of embracing the absurdity and awkwardness in the awful. Like the time she and her two sisters had to make a very weird trip to the mall. We went shopping for like funeral. Close at Forever. Twenty one and it was like blasting like club music there and a cashier said to me in sister. Or are you looking for anything special? And we're like no that's just like keep going through all the colorful clothes trying to find anything. That was all black flash forward to this spring when tyler was supposed to be out and about for her dancing at the pity party book tour. And let's just say she hasn't needed to shop for any new outfits this time around. What is it been like to have your book come out during a pandemic? I mean not at all what. I was expecting this book. But it's kind of been nice. I mean it's such a personal story and it's about a time of like illness and death which is what's happening in the world right now so I don't know the fact that everyone is like stuck at home which is sort of the way I am even not when it's a pandemic feels like almost appropriate. It's like I don't know if it were like an adventure or something like an action book. Maybe it would be different. But it's this like emotional. Like family thing in everyone is emotional and stuck with their families. So a lot of people are experiencing grief right now. You know whether that's because family member passed or like just because life is so upside down but grief is never just like one thing and it's not static so I'm curious like how has grief evolved for you and what have you learned about it. Especially now that you've written a whole book about your mom. I think grief is something. That's really personal. And it's really different for every person who goes through it and it's something where you can't really predict how it's going to affect you so like when my mom I died. My Dad was just crying and public all the try and was kind of embarrassing the and but now I'm like you know what like it's fine. People can deal with seeing someone showing motion and like that's what he needed a now. He's doing way better and with me. I like got really sentimental in capped a ton of my mom's staff and I found myself being angry a lot at lake people who had complained about their moms where it's like. Oh my mom calls me too much. I just WANNA like punch face and I would never say any of that. I just feel like Oh yeah. That sucks but yeah. It's just everyone's different and it's still very much a part of my life. That's like another thing I've learned. It's not GonNa go away and I'm okay with that I mean so it's been eleven years now since my mom died and most of the time. I'm totally fine. It's just like something I know about myself is that I have a dad. Muhammad's like a quality of who I am but sometimes I'll just like have a whole like breakdown from like watching a movie or something really small and it's just like something I have to deal with just like any other part of my mental health has the like the current environment. The way things are like has this moment stirred up any additional emotions for you around the book or like around grief. I'm like not a particularly like touchy feely physically kind of person but I have just been wanting hugs so badly during the pandemic and I live by myself with a cat who does not like hugs but he has to deal with that. Because I'm going to give them anyway. But there is there's something relatable about the uncertainty and all of this and that was something that was really hard about my mom. Being sick is that we were sort of like itching for any kind of like positive like theories or possibilities that we could find so it sort of feels like. That's what we're doing now. It's like Oh could serve pandemic end by fall like. Are we going to be able to do Halloween? Like normal and that is like kind of how it was with my mom. I I used to think like a. Will she be able to see me graduate from College? Like do you think what's going to happen. And that uncertainty is really hard to sit with and I think we all have to do it now which is tough. What is your advice to listeners? Who want to support friends or loved ones who are experiencing grief but might not know the best way to express it and we don't want to be awkward and we don't want to bring it up because we make things uncomfortable but we also want people to know that we care. What as as someone who has gone through it. What's your advice for for folks? Who want help from the outside. I think something that's always nice is bringing up the person's parent or whatever loved one in a way that's like unrelated to their death or like if your friend mentions they're like dad or whoever to ask questions and be like. Oh Yeah what was he like? Or whatever because it's it's such like bomb to get to just talk about her when I'm sad talk about not sad stuff. I also found one of my cousins said to me after my mom died. Like I can't imagine what you're going through. And that was like my favorite thing that I knew on had said 'cause like he couldn't imagine it and he was like acknowledging that and it just made it easier to talk to him about it just like it really like validated. How I was
"dr joy" Discussed on Gettin' Grown
"Ladies and gentlemen welcomes at the kitchen table and we are very excited that we have another esteemed guest to joining us during the quarantine edition of getting grown. We're all here in the team. D- esteemed any like not steamed but esteem. Look it up. That's it we are joined by the one and only Dr Joy heart and Bradford of therapy for black girls. She is back again to help with the hopefully helpless process and makes sense of this gets all that we are living in the actual adult life. Welcome back Dr Joy. They also much for Henry. Dr Joy was our first live show in Atlanta in twenty eighteen and we had a Wang Dang doodle with the people down there in Atlanta Dr Joy Kiki and carried on with US something terrible. We could say she joined it. And you know I'm the most ridiculous thing about this show Dr Joyous that she kept right on this way didn't judge me rolled up earth lease and just got deepen the methods and she did. We had a time time time time. But yes we're back again because you know as joy I mean as jade said You know we are living in perilous times right so so We have you know women. Beautiful Beautiful Brilliant. Women are network people who are trained and experienced in the way of helping us to think about things differently and shift our perspective in process. Difficult Times. We you know we take advantage of. These gifts are gifts. Are Your gifts as we're sharing all here together and Dr Joy so gracious to join us again to just talk about you? Know what we're all dealing with but before we do that Dr Joy how are you doing? Okay doing okay. I know we were talking a little bit before we started recording We are grateful to be in the country of Georgia In so we got some greenspace. So I'm trying to wear the little kids out by playing basketball every day so that they can see better than I know that's right. It's now Georgia. So you know you guys have some some things going on right now. Things are opening. People are able to get tattoos inside tower you. What are you planning on doing it yourself? Planning to continue to stay within these walls in the comfort of my driveway. What does it all mean win win? The people who are literally responsible for keeping you safe and well don't take that responsibility seriously at all right like something. Where does that insult to injury really feels like absolutely my face? Why don't you Given given where we are there was some things that we kind of put together Jaded Kinda just think out loud with you. I mean I don't know about Jay but I plan fully just like I didn't Atlanta. Tell my business for certain and to kind of like you know. I've been struggling with processing all that. This means right especially as a single woman And I live alone. I'm I'm I've literally been here for about eight weeks now in the studio apartment by myself and my family is out of state and I have friends You know left when jade who super close with and I've talked to all the time but she lives in a different state As well and then even those friends who are closer to me and proximity you know. We're the she this sheltering in place and keeping themselves and their families save so I've been navigating in processing what it what it really means to be single and self sufficient during a time like this Thinking about this. I wanted to kind of jump right in by asking. How do I as a single person who's tasked with taking care of all the different responsibilities that I have for myself Enemy J. Case for her family. How do I prioritize my own mental and emotional wellness during during all of these things and given all of these being? Yes so I think that that has to be the priority right and I think even though you know lots of us are sheltering in place there are still all these responsibilities kind of pulling on US label. Seo Working You know you may have family that you're trying to take care of from a distance. I still competing. Thanks for our responsibility is for our attention and so I think you have to think about like what is the bare minimum. I can really do to just continue to be functional at this point so I don't I don't think anybody should be striving for any gold storage right now Because I think a lot of us don't realize like just how low our cups are at this point right back a lot of already running on fumes even before Maria we're all sheltering employees right and so now with additional stress in the loneliness the isolation those levels are way down. So you have to really do all that you can. Just make sure that you're kind of getting through each day And I you know I've heard from other people who are in your same situation here. I like this being alone. I have friends that I've connected with but even the virtual piece doesn't feel like it's quite getting it anymore right So I have seen people kind of be creative if you can With Kinda doing drive bys right by talking to one another on the side while You know that kind of thing and you know I've also heard from people who are Kinda now teaming up right so if you know and trust that another friend has also been gangs of ood. Kenyon joined forces now and you know try to help one another out. Klom INC thinking about we like. That's a stay connected to your people could really be a good way to kind of continue to conquer this. Let me ask you a question. So as you are Uehara a wife and a mother in your also sheltering in place and you know obviously you've gone to school. You know how to deal with these things you have all the right answers but I know there are times when you you know you might want to kill your family's coping saying okay. You don't have.
"dr joy" Discussed on Gettin' Grown
"Shout out Dr Deke Robinson as well as our guest Dr Joy who will be joining us the kitchen table because you know these are two people who have defended their dissertations at a at a point in their careers and now they are both working in their respective fields. They're kids was the very first and the very last dissertation. I have ever attended. It won't be the last but it was the first in the last one that I did attend and it was a beautiful day and I don't want those who are Defending now I hope you're not you're not to down and I hope you know that you're accomplishing amazing. And wonderful things in just as a friend who has set in the room at such a momentous occasion I can tell you how proud I was and I didn't even know what the hell was going on. So shout out to you all for doing really really really fucking hard work okay. I've watched KIA. Type her fucking knuckles off until four and five. Am in the morning and it's not an easy thing. So we want to show you all out and I wanted to shout out my sis and shot at our guest in everybody who's ever defended a dissertation and those who were coming to defend dissertations which just want to send our good Jews you out to you or a shout out and if you are to add line or if your time line has been impacted by this and you're not able to defend when you thought your you know your under the circumstances that you imagine. Listen I know what it's like? I said this on instagram. I know what it's like to kind of get. Hit with a bombshell of life right before you defend your dissertation who but. I'm I'm here to stand as a testament that hard things happen. But we can we learn how to persevere and push through them And you know whatever the circumstance might be. You can't survive it. You have not come this far to not finish you will finish. I mean you will finish at the designated time that you're supposed to finish absolutely even if that's a little bit after when you intended to finish our spire to finish you will finish when you're so close to the finish and I'm telling you that things will fall into place in such a way that you will look back on this time and understand what I'm saying absolutely just continue if you are still in the fight you're not by yourself Anyone who's done. It knows where you are and we wrap our arms around you and we send you all about love and support. It is it is. It is literally something that you are birthing right and I can say as a mom gums to a point in your labor where you can't turn back. You're going to have this baby where you want to. Whether you want not is coming out so you get to that point where you are giving birth to this this thing that you've literally poured your life and your sway you'd see is and your energy into a you've literally carried this inside of you for so long and after the second period it's gotta come out it's GonNa come out so just trust the timing and the rhythm of Labor because I'm like that what it is as coming up but.
All About Virtual Therapy
"Thanks so much for joining me for session. One fifth of the therapy for black girls podcast as many people are now beginning to work with their therapist. Virtually a might be looking so work with the therapist for the first time it will be meeting with them. Virtually I thought it'd be a great time to rewind and share this interview. I did with Melissa Douglas again as she has been providing virtual services in her Saint Louis Practice for the past couple of years. Melissa is the owner of goal driven counseling a private Tele Mental Health counseling practice where she supports teens and millennials challenging educational career and life transitions through secure videoconferencing. She's a native of Chicago Illinois but has called St Louis Missouri home for almost a decade. She's a proud Triton who received a best of social work degree master of social work degreen and also as a ticket in nonprofit management in leadership from the University of Missouri Saint Louis. She's a licensed clinical social worker and a distance credentialed counselor who has diverse volunteer work experience with us in juvenile detention community based and educational settings. Melissa and I discussed some of the differences between traditional in virtual therapy. How you can decide if it's right for you how to find a virtual therapist and she shared all of her favorite APPs for Mensa weld is if you hear something that resonates with you are listening. Please share with us on social media using the HASHTAG. Tgi In session. Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for joining us today. Listen thank you for having me Dr Joy. I'm very happy you were able to join us today. Because I know there have been a lot of questions about people looking Virgil at therapy or if they live like in a town that's further from a big city and they're not like a lot of therapists they're people are wanting to know do therapist offer virtual action so. I know that you have a completely online practice and this way correct. Yes so you are the perfect person to talk with us about some of these concerns so I can you tell us a little bit. About what virtual therapy is and how? It might be different from traditional therapy. Yes so it's very basic in so we're gonNA talk about has basically tele mental health and virtual therapy because there's a whole other section of just telemedicine that covers a lot of different professionals by talents evolve. Israeli when the clinician and the client are in different physical locations using technology to communicate pretty much and so it's referred to eat therapy virtual therapy online therapy distance counseling. And what I tell. Clients is Dora virtual counseling or virtual therapy sessions. We can do almost everything other than I can't handle a tissue if you start to cry at a time and I can't be a physical support in a crisis but because I use all video and actual platform designed for telehealth. It helps me to have the same relationship report to be developed and the resources to be used. Because I can share my screen. With people's we can work through resources things together in actually see worksheets and stuff like that. I can have more than one person in a session with me. So couples counseling family. Counseling can be just the same as as traditional therapy but when you talk about Tele Mental Health. There are other options other than video. So you have phone counseling as well as a synchronous methods. Such as email and text based counseling. And so all that means is that you there are not live communicating. So you may send a message and you have to wait until the counseling therapists can respond to that. And then you go back and forth that way. And so with those methods there has to be a comfort with communicating fillings in POPs in a in a written format but the largest difference. Is that the responsibility of ensuring privacy of the session is a little bit more shifted to the client because they're in their own space but I always share that tell them will help isn't better or superior methods to traditional counseling. It's really all about appropriateness and our preference so it sounds like it is very similar to coming into the Office for therapy except that you might be in your home. Like in Pajama Bottoms. So what kind of feedback have you gotten from your clients? Melissa about whether be you know like like it better or worse than traditional therapy. Like what kind of feedback have you gotten so again like I said it's all about preference but I received a lot of great from our clients because again because I use the video base we really are able to establish the same relationship and report because we can still see and feel each other's personality we can hear the to- now with the end we can see affect from each other and so it's a little bit more van just communicating written format? And so we're able to really Bill at relationship. They also enjoy the flexibility. It allows in their schedules as well as the convenience of just having to log on. And I'm right there. They don't have to travel or really fit it into their schedule. In addition to travel and things like that but I always share with people who are a little bit unsure about telehealth. Because you know honestly it's it's still a fairly new thing. It's been around for about thirty years and we talk about the telemedicine space but for Tele mental health. I think it's gaining more traction in the last ten years more visibility and so. I always tell people that it's been researched for effectiveness in solid in the early two thousands. There were a lot of different studies but a couple that I like. I like to share is added. Two thousand one. A study was conducted by the Department of Psychiatry at Washington University. Here in Saint Louis. So patients quickly adapt and establish report because the basics of relationship building. Is there with telehealth? And then there was another one another study done in two thousand five by a psychologist from northwestern university who conducted trials that show that clients living with depression tended to stay in counseling longer and saw a larger reduction in symptoms by participating on counseling. And so I like people to know that. There is research back to the effectiveness of elements of health and virtual. Yeah I mean and I'm glad you brought that up right. Because that he is I think another benefit of virtual therapy is you know sometimes one of the more significant symptoms of depression is like not wanting to move and not wanting to leave your house so if you can talk with your therapist via you know your laptop or your tablet then you can still participate in treatment in you know may receive some benefits from the treatment that you wouldn't have if you stayed home. Yeah absolutely as well as the social anxiety is as well and we know that. That's the largest mental health illness in the world and so police will stay in the US and so that's also a great benefit as well. And I think it is important for us to mention that this is not jumping on facetime with your therapist right so it's not like your therapist will just facetime call you and you just answer. These are very are at least therapist should be using hippo compliant software and platforms that will increase the security of the session. Correct absolutely yes. Yeah so there are precautions that your therapist should be taking but like you mentioned you know like if you decide to have your session and you know your partner is like right next to you. Then you're compromising you're all confidentiality but your therapist is taking the repercussions. They need to make sure the session is. Yes absolutely. You got you okay. So what kinds of consideration should somebody consider if they're thinking about virtual therapy like what kinds of things might be WANNA think about? Yes so I always say that. The virtual therapy is the method in which we're doing the actual therapy. You definitely want to consider the expertise of the clinician if their focus is what you need and saw. You WanNa make sure that that the actual option is not the main thing that the person if you're experiencing depression or anxiety that that actual clinician that's offering the virtual therapy specializes in those things. Another huge thing because of the the lack of geographical barriers would tell them it's a health. We WanNa make sure that the commission has licensed in the state that you resign him because legally required men. So that's a misconception that a lot of people have is that because we give us our phones or computers and things like that that we can work with anybody and that's not true. Also I tell people to do a real self assessment and consider if they would be comfortable sansom on from a distance the end because the confident the impact of separate therapeutic space is really important to some people in Psalm as well as thinking about if you have a support person that is is nearing assessable if there is ever an emergency situation and so that's not something that was mentioned yet but emergency planning. It's something that is very important when it comes to tell them health because if a client were to experience at some time some suicidal thoughts or things like that there has to be an emergency management plan in place that that usually includes a emergency support person near the town of triage. That with the therapist in the end client should be feel free to access their tele mental health therapist or counselor has completed any chiming in so some states required in Psalm. Donning in you also share that you know it's not just jumping on facetime call. Any really really speaks to the clinician operating in their areas of competence. Which is a a safeguard for the client and the client should be comfortable and aware of talking about that with the clinician. Yeah and like you said all the states don't require it but you know it does feel like most therapist who are doing significant amount of virtual. Therapy are tele. Mental Health have completed at least some like trainings in maybe even some additional certifications. Yes yeah so. Can you talk a little bit more about the emergency planning because I know that that is something that often comes up and I think something that you know frightened some therapists away from maybe wanting to do elements? Health is like okay. We'll do I do in case of an emergency. So can you talk a little bit about with their processes like with you? And your clients. Yes so assessment of fit is very important so when a client contacts me for consultation. We're having that initial call. I'm usually doing a brief assessment at that time and so I'm assessing if they are at high risk of currently having suicidal thoughts or have had a plan or intent also assessing for any homicide Any active substance use Any delusions around technology and so that means some people experience thoughts and things that someone is spying on their computer things like that. So that wouldn't be comfortable in a therapeutic face if that's some concerns as well as some complex traumas in some those are some things that I quickly assess floor in consultation with also the assessment phase and so with the emergency planning share with clients that if any safety issue were to come up and we'll just speak about the the suicidal thoughts and things like that. If that was ever be concerned that I definitely openly share with them. That is my ethical responsibility to call the police to do a wellness check and things like that but I also wanted to be a little bit more comfortable for them too so we talk about any support people that they have in their life that has click access to them. And so if it is a spouse work is a parent that they would give me permission to disclose and contact them and say that. I am their therapist in Bay are having a very hard time right now and if they could check on them. I remain on the phone or in a session with my client during that time but then I also triage with the support. Person is what okay so it is very similar to what you would do if you were meeting with the person in your office absolutely but unfortunately they have the ability to hang up and disconnect right thank you know they have the Leave your office. Like I've had clients that leave. You know like just abruptly into session if you know things are not going the way they want us something. So they're still option even in real life. That's true yeah so Melissa does insurance. Pay For ritual therapy yes. There are many insurance companies that pay for virtual usually equivalents of the cost traditional but it varies state to state and it also varies between insurance companies as well and so I always tell people the best thing to do is to contact their ensure to ask about the the details of their specific plans. Okay Okay and so if that is something that is going to be like a priority like if using your insurance
Sisterhood in Business
"Thank you so much for joining us today Dr Key. I'm so appreciative. For you share with us today. I am so excited. We're talking to you. Dr Joy part of this incredible platform that you created for all of us. Oh thank you think you so I should let you all know the Diet key and I are friends off line right so if we get way too into the girlfriend Chad. That is why I just wanted to start by hearing your thought so you are of course the creator and founder and visionary behind the village market. At L. And I just want to hear from you where this came from. Why did you feel the need to create something like the village in everytime access question? I try to always remember. What did I feel when I I had a vision? I feel that it was something I could do number one. I just been noise. Actually what they could do with manifest into so when I'm at well how'd you create the village market? How did you get this marketplace grow and stretch across the country and out of the country? My next question is God is so good because I don't know how that happened. Then happened really really quickly. Put the vision to create the marketplace crane experience for Small Business Owners and people who love consumers black consumers. They're really. All consumers loved authentic beautiful handmade products that are created by the magician ship with black people. I was going through several event here in the city of Atlanta. I love to I love market. That's nothing and I will go to these events and I felt that they were void of us of black people and I just started to do a deep dive. While was that so I love dogwoods walk. I go every year. I'd be going this year but I wonder why where we void of like artisans in that space and I realized that responsibility to create bay. It's not for people who are not black. It would be great if they were considerate of us in that way. But I don't find that George to be. Their responsibility is our responsibility to create. Excellence for it so I didn't WanNa wait anymore. I knew at that time. I I'd miss and really gifted while business owners or people read great concept but I mean if they had the right audience it could really blossom and bloom into this amazing thing and I traded to village market. I never been a vendor. I'd never booked. I never done any of these things and now has become a terrific me like I had to learn every single thing that people were experience at the village market everything but I knew that I had this thing that I could see my mind and I just kept going towards the thing that I saw. I hope I answered that. Yes yes and you bring up a great point and you and I talk about this all the time right just this idea that we really don't always know what we're doing most of the time we don't know where new right. Burt really is a process of like just continuing to move forward. Absolutely I had no idea and I think for most visionaries who care vision with work if they understand that. If we keep chipping away we can do almost anything. It takes a level of humility to know what you don't know and wherewithal in intestinal fortitude to keep digging deeper to get the knowledge that you need the resources that you need to create. Because I learned a couple of years ago figuring out how to code things like how lyrics to me way back when and just understanding event management. When I say I didn't know any of these things but I knew what I wanted. Small businesses to experience. And I knew what I wanted patrons to experience in those are the two people on my whiteboard that was in my house. How can I create an amazing experience for a small business owner? And how can I create an unforgettable experience for the Patriots and Tom and I would just chip every day and every morning on how to create this and how to make it a main thing in here we are with your amazing experiences that are just continuing to expand so one of the things I love so much about. What you do such a key is that you know yes. The village market like started as a marketplace. But it has become so much more than that I mean and so I really think about you in terms of recreating what a modern village looks like for us. As I want to hear what your thoughts are about like what do to modern villages look like in like. How do you think we can continue to grow those in our own communities? Martin village of what you are doing right now. We are ran off in the world but we have a great deal of respect for our professional careers impact ways. And anytime that you and I can work together. We choose to do so and if we're looking for resources to help us build our individual babies we look within each other which means we look inside of the village and where people think well. How do you create community you create community by the people who occupy the place with you? Share the same level vision in heart and passion. They don't have to share the same level of expertise because the village is a plethora of excellent everybody's bringing the best of the best of the bed in a level of humility chosen to occupy face to make it better for me. The village market had been beyond a marketplace. Because that was just the first step in order to really build a stuff sustaining ever-growing community we have to move beyond isolated island like concepts marketplace's one place that people can commune gather for small businesses. You and I've done wheel to be. Well we're women together. Who had it sincere? Desire inside of them is winning nineteen. She's feel better in their souls. What I do know if I didn't create the marketplace. If I didn't under the first thing that I would call do. I wonder if you would have even met if you didn't create their for black girls and be obedient with the first thing that you created dukes all the people that you work with since the great things you've been able to doing the world. I wonder if people will know who you are. How he knew creative village honestly answer to the first. Call that you've been giving into it so well so when you shine so bright and you become a lighthouse of the people who are leaders. Who are trying to be a community and everybody started working together. How does this ecosystem even manifest manifested because everybody decided to shine light and so bright in their calling in his goals without question that we can see each other? Because we can
"dr joy" Discussed on The Secret Lives of Black Women
"It's cool like we're processing and I love it. I love what you learn about this. You know doing the work. It's like like I feel like it's taken years and years of finding the right therapist of journaling of meditating of working out of of not doing of not smoking weed. I was going to say do drugs but it's mostly just we'd of not drinking not using alcohol to be something that I use to distress because then you know or if I was using alcohol aw crush when I was scared of a show or something like that or whatever it is like confronting myself you know looking at myself honestly selene being honest with myself about the mistakes. I've made the things I've said my my shortcomings but also I love what you said Lauren about self love love because that's what this journey has ultimately led to a realization that I truly hated myself and I didn't know it I know and treating myself like I hated myself. I self therapy really helped me see that I was deserving. Yes love and that I was like special anything anything. It's not being perfect. It's not about your work product it's not about did you look good today. It's not if if I'm if I'm fat if I'm not that it's not about anything except for I'm fucking I can hear myself and I love myself in all of the things that I thought I hate it about myself. Were things that define mean. Make me who I am. Am Mental Health normalize it now we normalize it that it's just like. No one has their shit together. You don't have to be in it alone. You don't have to be in it alone and and yeah I mean I just I don't have any more words. I'm just GONNA leave. It would take a week I think it's I think it's care care okay well. That's what I mean. That's what stuck out to me truth stuck out from that conversation and that we had about telling the truth in therapy even therapy were scared so the truth. I think it's true I think. NFL like cares just sticking out from me because when I did talk to her about my therapist breaking up with I mean just the thought of like your health practitioners should also operate with the level of CARE Yeah I. I just think that the the work that Dr Joy is known as so important and like you said therapy saved our lives and if you're looking for a therapist Dr Joy is doing amazing work with therapy for.
"dr joy" Discussed on The Secret Lives of Black Women
"And our back. What advice would you give? I find finding a therapist like like dating a partner right but I say that with it also like dating for me is sometimes for me. I've had experiences where GONNA therapists and I didn't love it but I didn't know how to answer like what do you suggest when you're like Dania Daddy. You're so funny we had this conversation actually have a whole episode about it because I think it does feel like in a lot of ways it is very much like dating but of course this is not an intimate relationship. You know like you would have romantically with someone else right but it very much is an idea of maybe having to meet with a lot of different people before you find the person who is going to be a good fit for you so I would encourage people people to think about the fact that ask therapists we understand that that is a part of the territory so our feelings are not hurt. The Earth does now fall apart if there if a client client decides that they no longer want to work with us. We want you to make sure that you are getting the best care that you need and so even if that means working with someone else we are okay okay with you having to transition to see someone else so for a lot of people like if it's a therapist you have been working with some time it may feel appropriate to have a conversation and say you know I really appreciate all the work we've done but I feel like. I may need something else right now but if it's a newer relationship like if you had just had one session with the ghost I just not show up right until the therapists may call you back to see if you want to schedule a new appointment are they may not like we are aware that you have the the right to choose whoever you'd like to see and so sometimes in this there is a concern if a client Canada drops off my caseload then you know there isn't even any follow up behind it. Yeah I've had the experience terms of trusting your gut with therapists once-awesome one and I knew it wasn't a good fit but I just needed to see someone each week and I was sort of being like lazy frankly about finding someone else and then my therapist broke up with me and let me tell you is the most dramatic manning breaking never had in my life because I was like you're not supposed to be able to do this. and I went into into the office. It was not a good therapist. She was very vague about doing it like you could do with less sessions and I'm going to be like moving on so maybe you can transition. I was like wait. You're breaking breaking up with me. I can't be the only person that this has happened to so what advice truly give me advice like handle anti getting because I think it's something that's still like Fox with my mind like. I don't know what's wrong with me. I had a therapist break up with me. I damaged. I'm sorry that happened yeah and so you know there definitely will be times where you may realize like you are not the best fit for a client or you may be. The client may be needs more incentive help in so you want kind of transition them into doing something else but typically anytime we are terminating which is what we call it. When you're terminating a relationship? There's a lot of care and a lot of process that goes into getting you ready to take a step away from this relationship right so because so much of the the way that therapy works is involved with the relationship you have with the other person we understand that we need to take care of the relationship and so even if we have to have a difficult conversation I am going to be talking to you for probably a couple of weeks about the fact that you may need to see someone else or I may even have a joint session with you in the new person to Kinda do a warm hand off so that you don't feel like Oh my therapist just broke up with me now so care for someone did a joint session in Lake right especially talking to you about like my childhood separation trauma. Yes yeah yeah and that's a very normal experienced experienced a hat like just the idea that oh my therapist broke up with me which to me means that you did have like a healthy attachment this person right because you felt some type of way about the fact that that relationship has the end but typically under you know normal circumstances debt kind of a termination our transition would have gone very differently. Yeah thank you. Thank you so much better yeah. I've had three different therapists and I've I've found one that I like the first one was more if she felt more like a career career coach the second one introduced me to see. Bt and I really liked her but she was like super white just like she just doesn't relate to anything about my experience and the third one that I stuck with is also white but she's much more culturally competent so I love her a lot but I always feel in our sessions that I want to like. I tried to like be polite so I asked her how. She's doing to just like nick. Do I need to do that Dr like do I need to hear about what's going on in her life. I'm like I'm paying for this but I don't WanNa be rude. ooh Yeah I think most times you know and I think that's just natural right because it's another human being intimate time with him so it feels like it makes sense to check in most us. We'll kind of move on very quickly turned back to you know you don't have to do that. You're very right. This is your fifty minutes or however you spending and so it definitely should be all focused on whatever you're wanting to talk about. Thank you because that's how I feel. I also feel I mean she's very nice. She always also she gives me a little bit of what's going on in her life so he doesn't I feel like I'm just sharing and avoid which I appreciate hate when they do that because unlike this is so expensive and take five minutes here. Damn yeah like I have to ask or I feel like a mean person. Ask but I like want sinked. Good okay like I wanna WanNa hurt so then I can like get into my shit because it's expensive. It's expensive might there was all also tells me that like whenever I I share something with her. She's always like whoa thank you for being so honest and I'm always like people are rolling up in here in lying. It's just or who is time and money going here and bullshit. I don't I don't in time for that. This is well this that leads to like a question that I have for you Dr Joy is that like I I did this thing for a really long time that I would really even if I was in bed like depressed looking like shit all day I would put on an outfit and like lip to go to therapy and then one of my friends saw me and she's like are you going on a date and I was like no. I'm going to therapy. I gotTA take like my post therapy selfie and she was like you realize your therapist knows what what you're doing right like knows how what advice would you give to people and recognize that it's a process but who still feel oh that pressure of like I still don't want to be too much even for the person that I'm paying to help me solve this yeah yeah. These are such important questions wishes. I'm so thankful yellow sharing this because I think especially for black women in you know we kind of talked about this a little earlier. My caseload is predominantly black women. At this point I think even for black women who say they want to talk with another black woman therapist. I think that there is an added layer of feeling like can I fall report in front of this sister who may be looks like she has it all together right. You know so this is this is not the first time again you're not the only person who struggles with this and you you know. Sometimes we do know but I also think that it's important for you to Kinda think about like what's behind the need to to feel like you need to do that because because even if you still kind of keep up with the pretenses there's something driving that behavior and so even if you still do it I think it would be incredibly helpful to have a conversation conversation with your therapist about the fact that you are doing it while I felt like I just had a breakthrough in you saying it because I only did it with my black woman therapist and has did feel that like she had it together and I wanted to show her that I was delake surviving function in the world even though I really wasn't wasn't in like fall apart and break down and cry my Mascara every session. Oh is don't want strength for other black performing strength or other black men and we're performing yeah I like still want it hurt to respect me interesting as someone who does not do that for in in my therapy sessions just because I'm like you know money. I just paid money and if I'M GONNA break down it's going to be right here like I have really benefited from the experience of not shying away from the real darkness you know and I think the reason why is because I'm going to say something that I mean might be super super dark or too dark but I've had I had an experience recently where I was doing was really under a lot of pressure and I was really overwhelmed with a lot of work and I felt like I got to a point where I just couldn't. I wasn't good enough to do something and I had a script that needed to be turned in and I had this really really dark thought I was just like what if I kill myself like and I laugh about it because it's dark and that's the only way that I can say something so dark as to laugh about it and then I said that to my therapist and she was just like okay she was just like okay and then why did why did you feel like that and we just kept stop talking about it and then I asked her why. She didn't think I was crazy. Why didn't she think she needed to call like suicide prevention hotline for me and she just he said we have dark thoughts? All the time like dark. Thoughts doesn't mean that you're going to do it she she basically I feel like the more open I've been with my therapist what she's been helping me do is to befriend my darkness and not be afraid of it and not be afraid to go there in my mind and to speak out about them so now when I do have dark thoughts I don't they don't scare me like to Dr Joy. We'll wait you say for women our listeners who are maybe in in the dark side of the journey and are working with therapists and things don't feel don't seem to be working so I just want to back up a little bit in L. L..
"dr joy" Discussed on The Secret Lives of Black Women
"L. O. B. W. I I think even for black women who say they want to talk with another black woman therapist. I think that there is an added layer of feeling like can I fall apart in front of his sister sister. Who looks like she has it all together? I always kind of like into the closet in your house where you show all the stuff before guests come over right. Also you served all this stuff in his closet and now you're opening the door and all of that stuff falls out yes right now. We have to wade through all of that. Kinda see okay where we do. We even start here. Therapy can be really helpful. No matter what's going on in your life so there really isn't as an issue that is too small home to talk with it. I think it's really important to keep in mind that a lot of why they are the is effective and successful for people pool is the relationship that you actually have with this. This is the secret lives of black women. I'm I'm SHARLA and I'm Laurin and today we're talking. There would be a topic that's very near and dear to both of us. We've both been in therapy for longtime white a long time and we are talking with the best person possible for us to talk to certainly certainly certainly right yeah Dr Joy Hardin Bradford. WHO's the founder of therapy for black girls? She's a licensed psychologist in the state of Georgia and her her therapy for black girls has a directory for women to find therapists in their state and normally you and I do a lot of back and forth banter share a personal story but we're not GonNa do that today because this conversation felt vital and important and urgent so I feel like we should just get to it. I agree to it joining us. Via skype is Dr Joy Hardin Bradford. What what made you decide to become a psychologist particularly in Georgia? I feel like those who separate conversations so now my mother would call it. Being nosy of course and I'm from Louisiana Anti Southern Louisiana very small town called pain court veal. I just feel extra. I'm I'm obsessed with anyone from any black woman from Louisiana. I am your number one fan. Thank you likewise so my mother will call in nosy. I call it being very cute curious about human behaviour. I always always like I have been kind of the child at like one is a hang out at the adult table to kind of see what they were talking about and like making up stories about strangers that I see so I've just been always always curious about like why do the things that we do and I took a psychology class in high school and then immediately fell in love with any was like oh you can do this as like a job so I was a psych major through Undergrad and then went on to get my masters in Rehab Counselling counselling psych and so I went to the University of Georgia for my PhD which is what introduce me to Georgia and then met my husband here and so we have just kind of been here ever since it's what is your experience like as a black woman therapists are a lot of your clients black woman like did that encourage encourage you to start your own podcast and not only the podcast but the resources like the directory for other Black Women yeah so so much of my career has been working in college counseling centers and I would note is that the black women were not coming into the counseling center at the same rate as their peers and so every campus that I've been on I'm always run a group for black women on campus just to let them know about the resources that were there into let let them know like hey. These are things that you talk with a therapist about it so doing a lot of outreach to black women students on campus so I feel like I have been doing therapy for black. Hey girl before therapy for black. Girls was even exist yeah. That's the first time I ever saw therapist was in college and I I'm from New Orleans and obviously Katrina Hatton man. The first session that I have like a cognitive memory of is in in college and Katrina was this huge traumatic event and it felt like that was an open door to make therapy therapy accessible because everyone in the city was getting therapy. Am I think you have always suffered from anxiety and depression are probably should've been in in therapy sooner but it's like I needed a huge event to to go to therapy. What would you say to people who who just you know are generally not feeling well but are like I can move the punches and think that something big needs to happen in order for them to go to therapy? It's like my problems are too small to see a therapist and something huge needs to happen and and how do you think we can move past that mindset yeah. That's a great question. Laura and I don't think that you're alone in feeling that I think a lot of people feel like there has to be a crisis situation or something major like a hurricane kaine or you know a huge thing that happens before therapy is okay but the truth is and I like to say this all the time is that therapy can be really helpful. No no matter what's going on in your life. So there really isn't is an issue that is too small to talk with it. There is about so if you just want feedback about your relationships are how you're coming across other people are you don't feel like you're as motivated at work as you would like to be like anything is fair game for you to talk with the therapist about and so I think when people wait until they get to a code red status before they go to be then there's a lot of work that has to be done kind of backtracking stabilizing whereas whereas if you had gone when you just maybe we're at a code yellow you could have built the resources and maybe develop some strategies that could have prevented the Code Red Situation so I love what you said about built up some strategies or ways because like I go to therapy and I started going to therapy when I moved to New York it was also a kind of a big life event like I mean not necessarily big. I was just under a lot of stress. I wasn't really sleeping in my body was kind of breaking down. I was super depressed so I want to talk to someone and I feel like therapy. I started doing cognitive behavioral therapy and I love it so much because I feel like my culture like my my Haitian background always talks about like you know you need to go to Jesus you need to pray but I never found prayer to give me practical tools in my day to day life whereas whereas I didn't even expect that from therapy but that's very much what I got from therapy where like literal practical day-to-day tools to use to help me be less anxious to help me be less sad frankly because I can get married to press like can you talk about like some of the different kinds of therapy and like how we can use them. Practically in our day to day lives yeah. I'm glad you mentioned that so communist behavioral therapy is one that a lot of people here about is very popular in the whole idea behind cognitive behavioral therapy. Is that your thoughts impact your mood so that if you can change your thoughts than you can change your mood Um and so in the thinking behind that I think a lot of us slow down more. We could realize like how much negative self talk we have ed how many times we're kind of counting ourselves out before we even step up to the plate. all of the overthinking that we do like it really is amazing. How much is going on in our minds? I started meditating in it's part of my part of my therapy and it's it has also helped with the chatter and just helped with getting into a spiral like just like I think a negative thought and then I believe leave it like authentic like Oh die some horrible thing in the mail and then I immediately engage with it like Oh my God i I really just like why am I even in. This thought thought pattern right now. It's useless big thing for me. My Therapist recommended that I'd Journal and I wasn't doing it before now out something that I need to do every day because it's just like I can't store all the thoughts in my head and I felt like it was becoming too much. When we talk about your therapist also so giving you you know these tools I feel like therapy is really provided a lot of tools for the tool kit of my life of to function uh-huh just amazing and transformative but when we think about the different types of therapist I feel like one question that you know I get often and I'm sure sure well you do too because you're a therapist but would you say to a listener who is thinking about getting into therapy and the world seems so much so so big to navigate? It's like to ICS psychologists psychiatrists. Do I see a cognitive behavioral therapist. Do I see someone who specializes in something like E. The MD are it does seem like the options are are vast but we talk about therapy as almost being like a monolithic excelsior thing yeah very it is very fast and you therapy can look as different as the therapist who are doing it right so even if myself been another colleague both do cognitive behavioral therapy. It will look very different because we're very different people so I think it's really important to keep in mind that a lot of y therapy is effective in successful for people is the relationship that you actually have with the therapist and so first and foremost you want to try to find somebody somebody who you think you will feel comfortable talking with who you know. We'll kind of create a space together with you. That will allow US kind of share some very private in you. You know maybe some uncomfortable kinds of things psychiatrists in psychiatric nurse practitioners those are the people who typically can prescribe medication and so if you are just warranting talk therapy the typically psychologist in some states can do this but other therapists psychologists who are not in those states as where you can prescribe will not be prescribing offering you any kind of medication so if you're thinking you want medication for your concerns in you're probably going to be looking for a psychiatrist adressed or a psychiatric nurse practitioner who has the rights to prescribe medication will be back with Dr Joy right after this break mainstream anti per sprints contain aluminum which gets absorbed into our bloodstream and has been linked to cancer hug me deodorant by bloom is all national safe and sustainable. How does it work hug me?.
"dr joy" Discussed on Forever35
"Our guest today is dr joy hardin bradford who is the host of the very popular up your podcast therapy for black girls dr joy. We are so glad to have you on firfer thirty five today. Thank you glad to be here. Let me give your bio a little little read here so that our listeners can get to know you as well. Dr joy is a licensed psychologist speaker and the host of the wildly popular mental health podcast therapy therapy for black girls. She received her bachelor's degree in psychology from xavier university of louisiana her master's degree in vocational rehabilitation rehabilitation counseling from arkansas kansas state and her p._h._d. In counseling psychology from the university of georgia her work focuses on making mental health topics more relevant and accessible for black women and she specializes specializes in creating spaces for black women to have fuller and healthier relationships with themselves and others and she has been featured in o the oprah magazine bustle huffington post post black enterprise and women's health among others and dr joy lives in atlanta with her husband and her two sons and we are so glad you're on on forever thirty-five today. You eat too very excited to chat with you. We can't wait to talk all about your self care practices podcasting but i guess we want to kind of start with therapy. What made you want to become a therapist and what is your own history with therapy. Yes yes so i often talk about. <hes> you know my mother would call it being nosy but i call it being very curious about human behavior. <hes> you know so i have always kind have been just really interested in why we make the kinds of decisions and choices that we make as humans <hes> and so i took a psychology class in high school in fell in love with it immediately immediately and knew that it was my thing <hes> but i did not have any experience with like therapy or mental health as a young person so it wasn't really until i took psychology allergy and begin to understand what that was that i knew i wanted to pursue it but it wasn't something that was talked about like in my household. I didn't know anybody in therapy. I don't even know if there were any therapists really in like my community and i'm from a very small town on so my real introduction to like mental health therapy wasn't until like that that <hes> class is in high school and what was your family's reaction when you decided to become a therapist well they just wear like how long are you going to have to. Here's goofy that was probably the immediate reaction but also kind of understanding <hes> you know that i really wanted to help people who were in distress or it's a kind of meek you know different kinds of decisions in their lives and so i didn't really get any pushback from it <hes> though it has kind of come in helpful to so you know now kind of being on the other side recognizing you know mental health concerns that did exist in my family that i didn't even know about <hes> so it has come in handy to be able to deal with some of those situations as will and you know i know a lot of what you focus on as we said in your bio is kind of creating mainly spaces for black women to have fuller healthier relationships with themselves and others and i'm wondering why do you think black women especially need to hear the message that it's okay to seek therapy well. I think like we talked about <hes>. You know just a second ago like it wasn't something that was really talked about in my house in well out of other black women and black people in general. It's really just not something that's talked about. I mean i think we're changing that now. <hes> but you know for my generation in oda generations really just wasn't something that was talked about as so i think think it's really important for people to understand what's going on with them and would maybe going on with other people in their families and in their communities and i also think black women <hes> i'm typically do a lot of work in terms of taking care of other people so we are kind of the cornerstone of the church and we're the one who's reliable in the family and all of these things and so we do a really good job of taking care of other people don't always pay attention to what kind of care we need to take care of where sales that's great. That's a great great point and i'm curious. How do you is it possible to encourage people to seek therapy. Oftentimes we get we either have conversations with friends or we get listeners who reach <unk> out and like i know this person needs to be there needs to be in therapy or i wish they would seek therapy but it's kind of the thing that's one has to come to on their own so i'm wondering how as a friend or a caregiver how you think people can provide support for someone who may be hesitant to seek therapy or maybe kind of open to it or curious about it yeah so this. I think podcasting has really done an amazing job because i think <hes> you know there are so many mental health podcasts now that kinda they give you a glimpse of legua work talking with the therapist might be like so i think even introducing people to different kinds of podcast episodes may be related to what they're struggling with may give them a good introduction. I think also if you can do some of the research ahead of time for people that really kinda cuts down on the stress of like just finding a therapist yep isn't how do i even know who this person is. And what am i talking with them about. So i think the only <unk> net you can really do to do as much as you can. In terms of offering resources maybe even offer to go with them to their first appointment but unfortunately we can't of course make anybody do anything that they don't want to do. That's what i did with my husband. You did well i. I didn't go with him to his first appointment but i knew he was interested in therapy but the logistics of it i could tell seem very overwhelming to him. So i found a therapist that took his insurance that was like a block from our house and i was like here you go and he was like oh okay and he's gone to him for three years. Yeah especially you know when when people well our industries things like that can be very overwhelming out the logistics and insurance and all of that so the more legwork that you can do as a support person. It really does increase the chances that they may go. You have great resources on your website for how to help. People find a therapist when you have a whole directory of therapist therapist. I'm wondering can you kind of walk us through very practical steps for people to take to find a therapist because often that feels like the most daunting thing and i i know it's as easy as googling but it's also as hard as googling accents exactly i mean because you know google gives us all of the results right so it can can't be really difficult to kind of work through <hes> would do all of those letters mean behind names like who do i need to see. Do i need medication. You know so it can be a very very daunting process <hes> so i think you want to start with thinking. About what kinds of concerns are you wanting to talk with a therapist about <hes> so generally really we are kind of trained as generalists s therapists but we do continue to get <hes> different kinds of specializations in certifications in different kinds of things so i think it's first important to find a therapist who has <hes> expertise in specializes in the thing that you're wanting to talk with a therapist about then. I think you want to consider finances. So are you wanting to use insurance. How much can you afford to pay out of pocket. On what kinds of are you going to use your employees a year e._a. Program so there are lots of different ways that you can pay for therapy and so i think that is also something that you do wanna consider because some therapies are apart part of some insurance networks are not part of any <hes> you know so they allowed the different. Thanks again synergies in terms of the finances of therapy and then as you talked about tori. I'm thinking about location <hes> so you know typically your sessions or forty five minutes to an hour you typically meet with therapist once a week or so <hes> so so thinking about logistically like how can you get there but it's going to be in the middle of your work day or are you gonna go after work or you're going to need to find somebody on the weekends. Are you open to virtual sessions. Also there are a lot of different kinds of things that you would want to consider in. It is a really good idea. <hes> like you mentioned. I had the directory on the website. It's a kind of just look through different profiles of people to see who really speaks you. Does it sound like they can help you with your concerns. Do they have do they have hours that are convenient to you. Do they accept after insurance plan so i think thinking about some of those things on the front end can really help you narrow down your search and i get this question a lot. Which is how do i know over. Therapist is right for me. You know people who have may be met with the therapist one two maybe three times and they maybe they've never been therapy before so they don't know to expect. They can't tell if the therapist is right for them. Do you have any advice on that front. Yeah that is really important. I often tell people you know when you go to like a primary care doctor <hes> we don't typically go to them that often right and so. It's like okay if they're busy. Manor is a little off <hes> it's okay i got the medicine i needed in. You know i can move on and <hes> but it really is important for you to feel like you have a good relationship with your therapist because that is kind of the centerpiece where all of the work comes from so you want to feel feel like you have a good alliance with this person. You want to feel like you actually like the person that they actually like you that you know you feel comfortable talking about whatever you're struggling with with this person so it can take a couple of sessions and i know people feel very frustrated about that. Sometimes <hes> because you sometimes do have to do some therapist shopping because is like trying hang on different pairs of shoes right you wear eight and a half but a different designer. It's a different cut and so you may have to try on a couple of different pairs of shoes to find the ones that are right for you and that's the same thing with a therapist so i do think you wanna try to give it three to six sessions just to kind of see if you're comfortable. <hes> you know so you can kind of build on other do things if you feel comfortable in the space but if you go to the to the sessions you know three or four times and you're like i just don't feel like i can really open up to this person. I don't really really feel like they get me then. It may be time to look for someone else who may be a better fit. Do do you ever tell a potential patient that you don't think you can help them. Yes absolutely and that that's something. I'm glad you brought that up because typically what we will do as they are. This is do a ten to fifty minute. Free consultation with potential clients is that's your opportunity to ask any questions that you have for you to tell us a little bit more about why you're coming into therapy and you know just kind of get some general general background information that may be wasn't provided on our website and so as part of that we as therapists are also listening zahir <hes>. Do we really feel like we. We are the best person that can help you and we're also using those first couple of sessions as an assessment to see it. We really feel like this is going to be a good match for you so just as much as you are trying to see if we are a good fit for you. Were also wanting to make sure that we think we're going to be the best match for you so that you get the results that you're looking for out of your therapy sessions. It's so therapists know realize i sound like i'm talking about dating but they know that we might be seeing a few therapists at once and an are okay with that i mean i for some reason and i always feel very nervous to admit that to therapists but i'm also a people pleaser so yeah so we typically know especially in the beginning and most of us will ask about that in your assessment. <hes> you know like have you seen someone else before. What was your experience like. You know because again we it. It's a part of brad job that we know that we are not going to be the best fit for anybody for everybody and so there are no hard feelings. If you decide somebody else's a better fit or somebody has a different different. <hes> expertise said that is a better match for you so no we are not offended are put off by <hes> you kind of seeing a couple of different therapist. Now you do wanna be careful. Oh i'm especially if you're using insurance because sometimes <hes> you can't see multiple people using the same kind of diagnostic code at the same time or else..
Sephora Sale Haul
"Stocked up on the couch hand nail cream which is another fav- i like to keep like one next to my bed when my bathroom one of my bag have handcream everywhere shorter and then i also got the fendi gla- gloss awesome bomb universal lip loom nizer in fussy that is a great color which i had gifted to you at one point thank you you're so so welcome and and i got the this is this is out of left field. I don't think you're going to be expecting this holding literally really holding onto the table. I got the it cosmetics by under. I what what was going on when this purchase was made you just throwing caution to the wiz azure was so as listeners may recall. I had attempted to buy this before and bought the wrong shade. That's right okay and kept forgetting to return it and then i was like i don't know if i like the consistency this is not for me and then i bought some warmer see that i really liked and then i was like. Maybe i'll buy this again but like you know what let me give it cosmetics another. Try so here we are and i bought the light beige color. Which i think is more appropriate for for me so i'm excited for that and the final thing i bought was coca. Floss uh-huh losses become a hot topic the topic now i used it last night. Oh so you've already received these product because you said you tried. The water views the coca floss. I'm ready eddie from my mind to be blown and i liked it. It got like my front teeth. My bottom front teeth are a little crooked and it got kind of caught in one of my eighteen okay. This happened to me last night too but not with coca flaws and i feel like hit a nerve or something like it kind of hurt and i was like <hes> okay okay. I'm gonna give this another shot but it was it was. I don't know what i was expecting. I mean it's floss. I know the way it's been positioned position. I i mean gliding through your t s. I'm still gonna use it but jury still out okay so we have dental hygiene actually emailed us and said ed a line that is now resonating me. Which was the best floss for you to use his whatever you're already using a high and i was like oh they're right. It's not the floss. It's the act totally. Oh and i just mentioned one more thing that i got with my points. Go go which is a <unk> silk pillowcase that sephora was was offering for seven hundred fifty points this score and since i horde my points let's i was able to get it now. I received this pillow case. It is not real and it doesn't have a materials tag. Do oh which is weird so i don't know how to wash it either. I guess i'll just hand wash it but yeah i'm very doubtful that it is actually silk but but it is very smooth and silky okay i saw a friend yesterday and we were chatting about a lot about skin karen and she was asleep with. I mean you know like a slow pillowcase and i was like no. I've never tried it and she was a watt and she said not only for your hair does she like it but also for your products face products because a standard cotton partner linen pillow case the product just soak into the pill which i didn't even that so now i really anyway so that's that's what i got and i'm excited to report back. No keep testing and upkeep mix yeah for all of course yes. What about you. What did you get so as mentioned. I hopped in at the last estimate sure did got an under the wire. Honestly you mentioning to me that you bought stuff. I was like i gotta do it. Oh no about influence kind of were because then they went for it i to cocoa floss because so many listeners had emailed about cocoa floss that i just had to do it. I i also bought the supergroup unseen sunscreen now. I'm zip before no. I'm doing my own sunscreen experiment. Ooh because in the last four sale i bought kula full spectrum three hundred sixty sunsilk drops which are what i'm using on my face and i love them so i bought another jar jar container and now it's actually a little glass bottle with the dropper. Ooh and i really really like this sunscreen for my face but then hearing you mentioned the supergroup. I figured i'll do my own experiment and give it a try then i bought. I'm trying again a product that broke on me. I i bought a small cowdery grape water spray like mr for your face <hes> in the last sale and the pressure like the little. The thing that you push stopped working for me in the bottle was not empty. I was very annoyed that i really liked the product so i'm going to try it again. <hes> then i stocked up on my like product my my baby which is the beauty elixir and i buy the mini bottles because they use complains. It is my favorite thing ever to travel with. It's the best it's the best and i will tell you something very exciting is that i was watching last night at ten o'clock as one does a court in kardashian natural makeup tutorial on youtube oh sure because i don't know how court it does make a when she's doing it. Also it was so much it was so much she contoured. She still contoured wow this is oh she looked great but she spits cowardly beat helix all over her face on. I was like well look at that courtney. You're one of us. I have some extra i can give you. Oh i will take it all. I spread on my face. I sprayed on my kids it. Just it's not only does it feel nice to missed while while you're traveling. The smell is so refreshing. I agree that it just gives me a little something little judge you know. Is that the word you were looking for a little boy. You walked right i did i opened the door and there you were judging away your little sign and says jewish so here's another thing i bought which i've never purchased before kate somerville's ex-fulham kate o. People love that yeah it's kind of a legend <hes> in the exfoliating world <hes> and i bought a tiny bottle <hes> just to give it a test run. I was looking at different inexperience. Some i had tried some hatton. There were a couple that almost there's a cowardly when that i almost got and then it was like you know what everybody says has x. Fola kate yeah and my you to reject that no it's a perfect pun so i grabbed that. I also got the silk pillow with my points because you did. I am a sheep and then he also got a little hydros serum from drunk elephant with my points. Oh hydra or something. I forget what i've never tried hydrogel. I can't use it for the next twenty seven days because i'm in my grace genus bader otter journey so those were my purchases you know it was kind of i looked at makeup and then i was like now i don't know let's just go with missed and some sunscreen which is kind of like my two favorite favorite things to do totally water my face down and then protect it from the rays of the sun. Yes so there you have it. We'll report back. Oh we sure will especially about that. Fola kate and the border will the baader. Yes i am. This is gonna be a running theme for the next twenty seven and he's seven days of forever. Thirty five takes us right into the fall creamy skin and you're going out of town this weekend i._m. Dorey this will come up in my attention. I'm going to denver colorado to see my favorite band fish and you know the elevations high. The air is dry. Gotta bring my cream yeah yes. I'll be traveling with it for the first first. Time ever says exciting very exciting if you also happen to be a fish fan attending well this. Will you know what you'll hear this after yeah. Maybe maybe someone will be there and we'll see i. I hope there's a forever thirty listener at this fish show that will be just a combining of my two favorite worlds. Yeah
Doree and Kate Discuss Augustinus Bader Cream and Their Sephora Sale Purchases
"Hello and welcome to forever thirty-five a podcast about the things we do to take care of ourselves. I i hear and doria freer. Oh what a gentle gentle introduction. I'm you kate spencer. Yes you are. We are not expert. Nope nope nope just two friends who i'd like to talk a lot about serum and we're gonna be talking about some serum adjacent things today. Oh we're going to get right into serum yup serums. I will say i didn't purchase any serum. That's why i said serums et jason jason suggestion so jason's sir jason so jason. How's it going. I think i'm i mean i'm ready to dive in to serum okay. We should tell everyone what we're going to dive in. Okay sorry yes we we made some purchases at yield sephora sale tale yep and also i'm pleased to make the first ever i bought expensive skin cream announcement here on forever thirty five ready for it. Do i bought expensive skin cream agostino bader the rich cream for those of us who are not familiar with this cream. I know you you touched on it in a prior episode but let's give everyone recap. Here's the backstory. I've i've seen write ups about this cream on your usual spots around the internet and it's a it's a new cream year and a half. Yes and i also think it i i also came to my attention because eva chen mentioned it a hong when we interviewed her and i was like okay. My ears perked up a bit then a few people in my life revealed that they have been using it and have felt it to be life changing <hes> and so again. I was like okay a lifetime. You know you know how it is your ears start getting warm and then you feel you start to feel like you're seeing it everywhere. Yes and then and then and you google it. You read like a million. You know website fashion website articles about it. I've done this with products before then you then you go and look to buy it and then you see see what it costs in your life miller experience with vendors daughter which i use in like <hes>. Maybe i'm just your fancy. Maybe i'm just i mean. Maybe i'm the posh spice of this band that we're in. What am i the scary spice i mean. That's possible now. Would you be ginger. Maybe pave which spice spice girls' spice girl was thanking ninety seven so look i said to you hey tori. What if i tried this cream cream for the sake of the pod because the way the cream works. It's created by a german professor. Love the story of the cream. You're of course psycho. A german professor created cream for people dealing with a burn wounds which again that's the origin stories stories intriguing so said hey what if i bought this for the podcast for the pod as research or the listeners yeah not for me no not because because i want to try an expensive product but the waiters kate is doing this for years sacrifice. I am making so look and i said go ahead with a caveat but i'm going to put a caveat on this. Which is you must take a photo of yourself every day that you're using the cream because you're supposed to use the cream and only the cream for twenty seven days. This is true and i cleaned out all my products last night. It was actually kind of nice. I just had face suave and this cream and like my sunscreen contact solution in my cabinet. Like what a relief this is exciting. So have you started. I started at last night. I haven't seen picture will okay. I took one. I took one pre putting it on and then i haven't done my like round today. Don't worry all right coach it but i will say i did post a picture myself in a facebook group. One of our mom face christine and a friend was like your skin looks amazing so i don't know i mean doing like different to you and glowing. I don't i don't wanna be a skeptic about them. I want to believe in the power of the how much is it kate odor. Oh dory. It's too much one bottle that the bottle that i bought which is supposed to last twenty seven days schorr costs one hundred and sixty five dollars. Wow that's a spicy meatball or what yeah it's not something look if we did not heavy skin-care podcast and some shared funds stashed away. Hey where we can try products. Just say we have a slush fund slush fund for products of my own accord but it is a fun conversation topic totally podcast what i was gonna say. Is i feel like your skin has looked great like for a long time. I'm feeling good so while i want to believe even the power of this cream. This is why to take a photo every day. You want the proof because i want the pr. You're an investigative journalist. Look as one of my favorite contestants on the australian reality show instant hotel like to say my gosh. This went so far already the devil's in the details yup. He coined that phrase. He may take a photo every today and look. I don't think magic is going to happen but my but have you ever tried a buzzed about product product where you read like fifty articles. It's like i know ev articles like this changed my life and celebrity swear by and then you try it and it doesn't do anything like yes but i've also had the experience where something does do something like when i tried bill ashiq ricerche p fifty your sweet sweet baby used in quite some time because of pregnancy z. and childbirth essner saying yeah even though it's probably fine. I'm being like super paranoid but that i do think is like a pretty amazing product but yes. I hear you because you don't see when these celebrities are like. I tried this agustinus a spotter cream and look homeys. My skin is like they also have like meals delivered to their house. They have a personal trainer. They like facials every weekday shows every week they blazers yes everywhere so it's just like okay yes. The cream is great but like you also have so much else going on that is making your skin. Look amazing. Yeah yeah probably getting fillers bo talk like which is fine but like don't just all say it's the cream. It's like it's like when celebrities are like i i just you know i just do yoga and that's how i look like this right. I mean come on anyway. I'll get myself wow you. He just stepped on there. I like it. You are spicy today. I'm spiciest so that was my big purchase but then there was a sephora sale very recently. Yes and we should tell people that i had been sort of off the problem. The new product trained for quite some time live very off of it. Yeah i was just like i like what i like. I don't have the time or the energy to start exploring new products and then the sephora sale just real me the and i was like you know what i do. Self-care slash skin-care podcast. I might as well buy some stuff and check it out for the sake of the listeners that's right. You didn't do it for yourself for this. Podcast lists yeah <hes> do you and then you got some stuff. I squeaked in at the last did but you know what happened. I squeaked in the last day like eleven p._m. And then i forgot to use the code for fifteen percent. Oh my god has it ever happened to you where you're like. I'm gonna make big purchase because of a code and then you forget to use it yeah. I had a meltdown so i emailed sephora through their customer service link and the next morning i got the nicest reply from the person who was like we can't add the from a customer sales rep who simply can't add the code to your purchase because purchase already in the system so they added the equivalent of what fifteen percent off obt my purchase fifty percents off of my purchase to the to my account. That's also have this money sitting in my account. That never expires that i can use that i thought that was a very positive customer. Service secure safaris again and not a sponsor of this podcast. Just we're just fans just fan. So what did you buy in. This rebellious purchase plunged plunged. Let me break it down for you so i started with not one but two bottles bottles can what are they jars. No not jars jugs containers pieces of supergroup unseen unseen sunscreen bottles yeah but it comes in like a squeezy to be a two. That's the word you're looking for. I was looking for a two jug. Thank you know not a jug. I really like the sunscreen it goes on so smoothly it is unseen. It blends in really nicely. I use it on my arms and i'm keeping a tube tube of it on my bathroom counters. I remember to put it on my arms and hands. You put it on your face. Well i still use the japanese sunscreen sunscreen. Oh interesting okay but you cannot get safaris so i bought two of those. I also decided that i was going to do a little experiment with me. Solaire water <hes> controversial so what i i did was i bought three different ones one by cowardly one by tart and one by premera which i learned is owned owned by amaury pacific intriguing <hes> it's like they're you know cheaper clean brand. Oh interesting pursing so you're having it's like america's test kitchen but dory's test kitchen for toy story test bathroom does for me. What made you decide to go deep on me slur water well i was out of. I may slayer water which i didn't you know homey. Slur waters are not created equal. I they have a very deep reference for the bioter-. I know which they don't sell before <hes> i had been sort of dabbling. I have a have a travel the size of the bio dermot that i do really like <hes>. I've also really liked simple. I've tried the most recent one. I tried was laroche. Jose didn't didn't love it. I love the scent. I've also tried number. Seven boots number seven me slayer flare water which was fine. I just thought you know what let's mix it up so i bought these three last time. They used the primera. I liked liked it. It's a camomile missile cleansing water and it sounds yeah it was it did feel really nice so i'll i'll report back all of those <hes> the other thing that i was out of was a a day cream and i'd like to use a lightweight gel moisturizer i had been using the tart water gel essence moisturizer and and when i went i was like i like this heart water gel 'sorry tasha gotcha tasha water essence which i liked i mean i liked it enough. I think i recommended a newsletter but i was like you know all things being equal. I do think i liked the bio sants squally and probiotic joe moisturizer just a little better and then you know what i went onto sephora. The tasha was not being sold anymore mysterious odd so i bought another thing of the bioscience and then i thought you know what let me try this other. One by origins called jin zing zing oil free energy boosting gel moisturizer which which also comes in a mini version which i like so i could just sort of try it out. You got the mini. I got the mini. I tried tried this morning. It smells kind of orangey. It's a little thicker than i was expecting but a nice consistency and ice texture sure very smooth so i like it so far i mean i've used at one day so we'll see and then i got another one of my bare minerals primetime eyelid primer which is my favorite. That's an old hat but what's so funny is. I realized i always stock up on it. During the sales i wonder as much makeup purpose i used to so i went into the drawer that i keep like all my extra stuff like my stockpiles and i already had to well my gosh in there so i now now have three so. I need to remind myself that next time the sale
"dr joy" Discussed on Pet Life Radio
"Dr joy on the line. Dr joy, Boston. And I'm going to ask you there was this. Judge Judy episode where it was groomer and an owner at odds, and the owner was blaming the groomer for piercing the Iraq drum of a five month old, Sean, and they had some videotape showing how the water was sprayed directly into the dog's ear. The grammar was claiming the dog had a massive ear infection before it came. The owner was saying no, it didn't your blasts of water broke, the eardrum and knowing that anatomy of the gym. I have trouble understanding how water would do that. Or wouldn't it be an infection? That would do that. I mean, the whole thing was just abusing me because I know when I clean my kids years. I can't go in very deep with the q tip 'cause I might break their eardrums. But when I cleaned my poodle ears the air canals a different shape, right? So how Trump get broken the most? Way they are drums. Get ruptured is is infection unless there's a congenital weakness or it's missing. And sometimes that's a rare condition, but does occur. But in bijon, let's talk about trees before we go looking for zebras. How many bijon are prone to allergies and subsequently they are prone to secondary infections, and when they have repeatedly they start to become immune to the pain. They sort of get used to that. And so owners don't recognize it. So if you're just squirting water into the dog's ear, it's not possible to rupture the gym 'cause that's spray of water won't actually hit the eardrum. You're absolutely right in a human. When you look in the air canal. You're looking straight down. You could actually see the your drum in a dog the year canal goes down in sort of a almost like a seventy degree dive and then oppose a ninety degree turn. And just so we have an elbow. And then it travels another one third as long as the vertical canal, and then you have your eardrums. And so if you were to take a Q tip, for instance, and push it straight down into the ear canal of a dog, you would hit bottom and unless. Guided it around which a rigid q tip won't go. You can't get around to push it into a drum. So the water will likely hit many parts of that vertical canal and before it hits the bottom, and then it will go around. So it's traveling down an elbow pipe. If you would if the eardrum badly infected is is really thin, and there's a lot of pressure, then I could cause a rupture or it was ruptured before she did it in the end of the day. There's almost no way to tell. But in a normal dog ear spring waters from a syringe. It's not possible hundred percents always actually a hose and a know like a grooming type shower head, and they showed the video, but I still didn't see how that could Pierce near even grooming shower like how many of us have been in the shower and her head sideways, and the water would go straight in is how many of us have been in a hot tub. It's just not going to have eight right? No, physically not possible survey says. No, go. That he cleared that. So we are going to end the show, but don't worry listeners. I've got joy book to come back. So if you love this show, we're going to have another show coming up really soon in a week. And I am going to ask him at the very start of that next show about those who bidding dogs of his. That's right. He cannot hide. It'd be nice to me. Nice. So all right. Well, Joey, thank you so much for joining us today. I'm so glad to.