20 Episode results for "dismore"

Incels, Transgenderism, & Distinctions without a Difference

The BreakPoint Podcast

04:21 min | 2 years ago

Incels, Transgenderism, & Distinctions without a Difference

"I'm Warren Smith with the cultural center. Thanks for listening. I want to remind you that you can help keep breakpoint, on the air by going to breakpoint dot org and hitting the give button at the top of the page. Now enjoyed today's episode one left leaning magazine just described how sad it is when people resort to surgery to cure there for you, but, I guess not all four years or equal the Colson center, I'm John Stonestreet. This is break point a recent story and New York magazine asked readers. How many bones they'd be willing to break in order to attain intimacy or something to that effect? They weren't referring to injuries from fighting with another man over a woman, they were referring to cosmetic surgery, nor were they referring to surgery performed on an older man to make him look younger. No. They were referring to surgeries performed on young twenty something men who hate the way they look and are convinced that they're doomed to involuntary celibacy unless they go under the knife. Such men are known as in cells, which is. -scribed as an online community of Man United by their inability to convince women to have intimate relations with them. In cells is short for involuntary celebrates the central character in this article goes by the moniker truth for lie this young man in his thirties has spent time in a psychiatric hospital. He's exchanged blows with his father even punched his sister in the head as a child, the put a gently, he's got some problems. However, after spending time on insult forms truth for live became convinced that his real problem was his appearance. His friends and family on the other hand, are convinced that he suffers from body, Dismore fic- disorder, which is an extreme anxiety about an imagined physical defect that others often cannot see people with this disorder often resort to plastic surgery to try to improve their appearance. That's exactly what truth rely did in two thousand sixteen. He flew from the Netherlands to Indianapolis to see a surgeon who specializes in what's called aesthetic surgery. He returned Indianapolis three times in the next year in. Pursuit of an ideal face as he told New York magazine the prospect of a better surgery result is keeping me alive. Now, we're clearly intended to see truth rely as a sad, even pathetic figure according to this article the further drive home, the point, the article notes, how many cosmetic surgeons refused to operate on people if they suspect that they suffer from body. Dismore fic- disorder surgery is not a cure for a psychiatric disorder, but, of course, gender dysphoric is another psychiatric disorder and this condition a person experiences discomfort, or distress because there's a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity as with body. Dismore fic- disorder people who suffer from gender dis for you often suffer from other psychiatric illnesses such as major depressive disorders, and various phobias, a study published in two thousand fourteen found this was true of sixty two percent of the people studied, now there's an obvious question here for our culture. If surgery will not solve truth for lies psychiatric problems. Why are we so sir? Certain that surgeries the solution for those suffering with gender dis for you. After all, a two thousand eleven study of Swedes who had sex reassignment surgery found that persons with transsexualism after sex, reassignment have considerably higher risks for mortality, suicidal behavior and psychiatric morbidity than the general population. Increasingly today, the message is that nothing should keep someone with gender dysphoric from the surgeons blade except maybe hormone treatment. And that includes children, anyone who ever suggest otherwise that those who suffer from gender. Dysphoric might consider some sort of intervention, maybe even counseling with her quickly accused of transphobia the obvious parallels between in cells, and those gender dysphoric you as well as our culture wide suppression of those obvious parallels would be funny. If the consequences weren't, so tragic because ideas have consequences and bad ideas have victims and the idea that are looks are so called gender identity even. Our psychiatric disorders define who we are. Where that's a victim maker of there ever was one for breakpoint. I'm John Stonestreet. I'm Warren Smith. With the call center, you can help keep commentaries like the one you just heard on the air by going to breakpoint dot org and hitting the give button at the top of the page. Thanks for your support.

John Stonestreet New York magazine Warren Smith Indianapolis Man United Dismore Netherlands sixty two percent four years
People in their 20s are injecting face fillers to look like their selfie filters

Marketplace Tech with Molly Wood

05:24 min | 2 years ago

People in their 20s are injecting face fillers to look like their selfie filters

"This. Marketplace podcast is brought to you by the university of Florida Warrington college of business transform your future with an MBA from one of America's top ten universities. Learn more at Warrington dot ufl dot EDU slash MBA. People in their twenties and thirties are getting injections to look more like their selfie filters from American public media. This is marketplace tech demystifying the digital economy. I'm Ali would. Selby's are an art form on social media. But some young people aren't happy with just a Snapchat or Instagram filter. They want the lip cheek and forehead injections. So that their real life faces match the doctor itself fees. The American Academy of facial plastic and reconstructive surgery says there's been a twenty percent increase in botox injections among eighteen to thirty seven year olds in the last five years. Marketplace reporter, Eric embarrassed, it's reporting on this recently. And she told me that the makers of injectable fillers which smooth out the lines on your face like a photo filter. Does are starting to spend a lot more money on social media marketing, our Gan, which is the company that makes boat talks makes Juve Dharam does cool sculpting. That's where they're paying influencers to do a lot of the work. So people are on Instagram anyway, looking at other people's faces all the time. And then they're seeing people that they might follow women that they might look up to. And they're seeing that they also were are actually, you know, talking. About these things, you know, they're like hash tagging Sunday afternoon. Hashtag tocks hashtag filter. Hashtag fillers. You know, the whole thing. Yeah. Tell me more specifically about what people are getting done like what specific procedures than what are people trying to look like. So the most basic thing that most people are getting done is just getting, you know, likable talks injection that kind of freezes your face and kind of makes you look relaxed. But then after that there's a lot of small spas that have opened up that are offering things like institute, which is some stuff that you can get put in your cheeks that give you like sort of a higher cheekbone. You can get your lips done and make them a little bit plumper a lot plumper. There's all kinds of stuff that you can get done. I understand that one woman told you she really has heard of people asking to look more like the filters that they have seen on social media. Right. Yeah. So one woman I spoke with who's Twenty-seven-year-old in Rhode Island. And she says she just gets her lips done. She gets imbo both talks. But it's pretty like normalized amongst her group of friends, and she has a couple. They get a little shot of Duve Derm in the tip of their nose. It makes them look a little bit like that Snapchat filter, and I just thought that was kind of fascinating like the idea that you wanna look like what your online reflection looks like do you have a sense of whether any of the doctors are ethically conflicted about this. Do they resist it at all? Yeah. So I did talk to one doctor who actually is the head of one of the plastic surgery. National plastic surgery associations in Memphis, and he refuses to give anyone any kind of injectable or bow talks unless they medically need it or if they're under a certain age. So he's adamant lead not doing it. But at the same time, he knows that there's like clinics just right up the street that you can just walk into. I think the big part of it is is that because you know, it's it's an elective procedure. It's a lot of money. And so you're budgeting thousand or two thousand a year, you know, it can be hard to say no to that. Erica barris is a reporter with marketplace. Last year. Researchers at the Boston University school of medicine Warren. About what they called Snapchat, Dismore FIA and said, it could lead to body Dismore fic- disorder, a mental illness that causes people to obsess about their imagined defects. And now for some related links head over to our website. Marketplace tech dot org for a link to a longer story that Erica did about this four marketplace and more stories about Snapchat, Dismore, Fiat, and how it has plastic surgeons worry earlier this year doctors at Massachusetts General Hospital published a guide for cosmetic practitioners to help them figure out when they're dealing with someone who is beyond normal discontent with their appearance and onto the obsessive compulsive spectrum that is body this Morphing disorder their research that as many as thirteen percent of people seeking cosmetic surgery have the disorder and in a fun. Fact, I learned that dissatisfaction with your appearance is so common in basically, everyone that researchers call it quote normative discontent. There is a hopeful story from Taylor Laurenz over at the Atlantic though from just a couple of weeks ago about how even though those twenty and thirty somethings or getting the nose injections, look more like their filters. The next generation. Of influencers is actually rejecting the carefully edited super stylized aesthetic, and they're going for a quote, Messier and more unfiltered vibe, the story quotes, a fifteen year old influencers who says that avocado toast and posts on the beach are generic and played out and that it's not cool anymore to be manufactured. So maybe the children really are our future. Unless allergen comes calling with the big check. I'm Ali would. And that's marketplace tech. This is a PM.

Ali reporter university of Florida Warringt Erica barris Snapchat Selby America Duve Derm American Academy Eric embarrassed Rhode Island Dismore FIA Messier Boston University school of me Memphis Taylor Laurenz Massachusetts General Hospital Fiat
EP. 554 - We Have Body Dysmorphia

Mark Bell's Power Project

1:03:12 hr | 2 weeks ago

EP. 554 - We Have Body Dysmorphia

"Hello everybody little beat boxing. Little a little dry mouth. That's okay dry. Hollow talk talk top kids all unique technology. I don't even know where i am. Arc what ron assimilation. What radio station is your podcast. On ninety four seven mile same frequency smooth jazz around here okay. Okay that's fair. They used to be the smooth jazz channels. Be smooth jazz now. It's like hippy. Hop whatever animal that hip hop. It was weird when like the old school station started playing music. That like i didn't think was old school. And then you realize then. I realize i'm old so loud. My wife will totally tell you that. I say that a lot often every day. I say like that's too loud angry. You know what. I don't like i don't like shit's real. Bright is shut in the house and trying to shut down. Like everything's like. I have lights at. My house are pretty got the bright. Turn them off and turn him down. We don't need like seventeen lights. That's a bad thing. So i i do it because it's just like like i used to joke with jasmine. She'd leave all the lights on. We should be like. hey like. That's a christmas present like you're you're wasting energy but like for you though it's just like yeah it's it's bright but i think it is just the dad thing bro. It's it's so interesting like seeing both of you guys age because you don't that's all am saying late twenties mad weird but i see sometimes text. I'll see you one day. I saw you looking at your phone. The puck wherever we're going still fighting the tex- thing like that's i. I don't want to let go switch classes. Because i have my regular like everyday like walking glasses and i have my computer glasses. Those glasses are fucking dope for. Listen looking at it on the phone. But then you can't see anything else but straight up a since we're talking about aging as you get older we should mention like you want to know what's going on in your body like if you're young a young cat get your blood work done. We talked about this but As you get older you gotta make sure that you know nothing is developing. You don't have any problems with potentially your cholesterol or just any of these things that could be going on even if you look healthy. And that's why that's why we got merrick hell halio. I got my blood taken the other day and We'll see what shows we'll see what's in there. I think there's probably some peanut butter cup in there. There's probably there's probably some piedmontese rolled. we'll see monte. I can say that right. That's probably You know in my blood work. But yeah i i'm getting my blood work done routinely this kind of keep things in check Trying to optimize my hormones and With merrick health. You don't have to worry about trying to interpret that information on your own and you also don't have to worry about like what test because we have it all set up for you already. We do the math for you. And i know a lot of times. In the past. I would tell people get their blood work done and like my doctor just said i need my lipid profile. And it's like oh man it'd be great if you knew more information because there's so much more to you know. Burn body fat. Hold on the muscle and Just seeing this scene. How you doing every day and the people at merrick health. They're going to be able to like detect. Everything like a lot of shit is in your shit. A lot of stuff is in your blood. That can be an inkling into something else perhaps Maybe you're not sleeping. Well like they're going to be able to see that. You know when you're red blood cell count and various other things yup and it's all through telemedicine so the once you get your your Let's call your lab slip your lab requisition you just go to a Labcorp i believe. Yeah you gotta labcorp They already know who you are by time you walk in. I'm you destroy your blood and then after that everything is all through a computer. You're one on one with the doctor. You get your written report you get to keep that and you know. That's that's something that you get to have forever So that way later on down the road you can look back at how you felt and you know where everything was To jump in on this deal again. This is the power project panel. This is something that we put together ourselves along with the help of merrick health. You got to go to merrick. Health dot com slash power project. America is spelled m. a. r. e. k. health dot com slash power project. You'll see the power project panel there for everybody else. It's five hundred bucks but when you guys check out use promo code power project in. It'll take the price down to three ninety nine. again That's america health dot com slash power project. This is something that you're not going to be getting done like every two three weeks. Most likely you might get it done like a you'll get it done once and if there's things to correct then you do follow up Maybe another three months down the road so it sounds it. Sounds like a pricey Thing to invest in but It's been really helpful for me and let you guys will find it to be really helpful for you. So what is the deal. Why why do we have body. This moorefield what happened with us. What is wrong. Let me let me read this. Off of via the definition of body is more disorder also called a mental illness involving gonna need professional voice. Insieme okay yeah he said. Dvd not be. Oh serious a mental illness involving obsessive focus on perceived flaw in appearance. The flaw may be minor or imagined but the person may spend hours a day trying to fix it. The person may try many cosmetic procedures or exercise to excess. It sounds like excesses the hook until the end got us like we're good for a while and maybe we don't have it exercise to excess. What are we supposed to greening man. I guess you know. Sometimes some of our weaknesses actually ended up turning into be some of the greatest attributes that we end up having because they end up doing a lot for us and I think sometimes Drawing i don't think there's any problem of drawing attention especially within yourself Doing it onto somebody else's great idea but drawing attention within yourself about the problems that you have and then figuring out how to address them. I think it's actually very healthy. But i guess you can go maybe dive down that rabbit hole way. Too far You you definitely can't like all jokes aside guys like we don't want to necessarily like make light of the idea of barbados. Morpheus bonded us more as as the definition says can really cause people to go down a lot of dark rabbit holes You know a lot of people end up getting really crazy. Cosmetic surgery Men and women because they're like oh my but isn't big enough or i don't have the high enough cheekbones or this or that the always find different laws to fix and so i see people that they damage themselves so much because of that. But the what of spurred this idea it had me think about. This was a question. I got from somebody. The other day This guy asked. Will you ever be satisfied with your physique. Or are you satisfied with your physique and i took a second and i was like i. I'm i'm happy with the way. I look but personally when it comes to the way my mind looks at my body and my progress I'm always looking for something to improve it. It's not something where i'm like. It mentally drained me because my shoulders aren't capped enough for you know my my like what my cav something as something that somebody could nitpick at. It doesn't mentally make me sadder angry. But if i find something if i see something that i could improve a little bit. I'm always looking for something. I could improve. I looked to improve it And a lot of people. There's been a lot of talk. And i seen youtube fitness etcetera. Where people are like. Oh yeah bodybuilders bodied us morpheus cetera. Right and i think about it. I'm just like technically. It is but at the same time. I don't necessarily see a problem when you're trying to progress your body in a healthy way and you're just always looking for a little bit of progression here and just how far are you going to take the things you do if it gets in healthier and safe. That's when it's a problem. Yeah what about you. Know maybe competing in something like bodybuilding and You know some people say congratulations. He did well today. That is your first time competing or something and One of the judges you ask a judge because this is what you're supposed to do especially if you wanna make progress in bodybuilding. Talked to a judge or talk to some other coaches that are there and say hey I want to be in the sport for while. I wanna continue to progress. What do you think i should work on. And they might say well you know he got ready to bring up your shoulders. And it's like it's very common in bodybuilding just to like say that flat out You know your stomach could. He came in a lot tighter. Like you say this kind of stuff to somebody at the gym. Even who's clearly people are at the gym to Had better aesthetics. But if you know if you did that like unsolicited and just went up to somebody today. You need to bring in your stomach a little bit more They would be probably like mortified. Probably fairly upset you know. And so i think in bodybuilding. It's very commonplace really nit pick the body but imagine being a competitor and somebody says. Hey you really need to bring up your your shoulders and your hamstrings. Imagine the attitude that you have going into your training now. You like all right. I'm gonna work on my. I don't wanna ever hear that shit again. I'm going to work on my shoulders and working my hamstrings. But i don't want them to be able to detect anything. Next time i go. I would love it for them to say well you you won the overall like you kicked. Everyone's asked so you know. Maybe they still have a little advice on on a couple of things you can progress on because we can always make progress but I don't see an issue with that. I don't either but you know that this brings it another idea in terms of the topic And it's when you're when you start lifting you know sometimes you may have inspirations or physique. Inspirations and people are like oh that mark bell that guy looks pretty dope. I wanna have shoulders like heyzer. The rock i wanna have whatever chess-like like whatever you may have inspiration triceps. Man has triceps. Just and he's broad and tall handsome. He's dr to natural tan you. You're the only needed. Were worried about that. I'm worried about the town part of things. But um yeah toddy looks. He looks really good. Should you just do the show about him. We could just talk. Have you seen his most recent picture about how he's gonna ready for black adam hills. Abs came in. He looks great. She looks amazing. Andrew don't want to chime in on this rock love that we have going on dwayne setting stuff up over here but i can i. I i know the picture you're talking about. Let me pull it up jack jackie. He's dialed in on impressed. But it is problematic when we're trying to chase after what somebody else's done exactly and what somebody else is doing. I do think that a lot of times when it comes to ovarian go look at that vein. Going through the bicep to the shoulder do chest back. Yeah yeah cow. That's interesting thing about the rock is. He's oh he's a big man. He's a big big boy. Yeah he's he's fucking huge and you know so. He's done a great job in all the different movies he's been in Coming in looking like a house in this case he's gotten a you know it's a superhero movie right. So he's got a shred up. There's another good shot of the stomach coming in the super g really took. It's another level. He really took it to another level with this one. He's in his physiques. Never been this lane for anything but you know chasing after other people can be dangerous. I do think that a lotta times that that's where we kind of start. We have some inspiration. Yeah we're like It gets you interested. Peaks your interest towards something And a lot of times when you start you know you start a youtube channel. You start Playing music you start to like copy. Like i'm gonna copy that band or i'm gonna copy the way that that guy Plays the piano and you literally just copy it at first and then eventually it starts to kind of more. Maybe you did that. A little bit with jujitsu or something like that right where it's like you just impersonate a little bit. And then after a period of time you can start to kind of go off and do it on your own. Yeah but i think if you're obsessing about how you're not like someone else enough i think that's where you can get yourself a lot. Trump could be very damaging because your physique only has the potential that your physique has so maybe you're someone who's able to have a really good chess but maybe your shoulders just are not no matter. How many years trained. They're not just looking like somebody else. Well build the best thing that you can for yourself and that again when it comes to the satisfied aspect of things. I don't think i'll ever be satisfied per se but that doesn't necessarily put me the. I don't feel distressed. It doesn't bother me. I don't think about this all day. Long and i think that's the part of the reason why i don't think about it. All the time is i'm always looking for other things. I can progress that not just in the way. My body looks but in the ability that my body has so. It's like ben. Patrick comes in showed us all. This news overtones work of. I need problems for years. Like what can my knees do now and benefits my way. My body looks too. But i also have this idea of like. How much stronger can my hamstrings get. How can this ad or straight. I'm going through how strong. I make my doctor so this doesn't happen again. I'm always looking for different progressions that my body can make along with here and there what my body looks like. It's exciting right like it's exciting to know that you can continue to get so much better at stuff and You know. I don't think there's ever a time where you're like You know. I want to have less money in the bank or i want a. You know it'd be great if i was five percent If my body fat was increased by five percent rather than decreased by five percent. I think most in most cases you know people are gonna want to continue to make progress. I think sometimes when when people are thinking about like success or being better maybe sometimes. They're a little gun shy on how to go about doing it. Maybe they have consum- concerning over you know All the things involved in being better but really all that's involved in being a success is just progress and we all we all know from the inside out that we can improve ourselves a bit. And so i think it's kind of human nature to like wanna get a little bit better. Might be human nature also to be a little bit jealous. Somebody can go of the have that but that's not a great mindset because he can't have it you can't have you. You can't have what you don't deserve you have to. You have to have earned it in some way and somebody else's thing that they may have been gifted along with many other factors like they may have literally been gifted just being a little bit further along in that particular subject or that particular thing and for you to try to focus in on that it's it's not it's not in your best interests it might take you know x. Amount of time longer fee to get better at something than somebody else Like i had mentioned off air. But i had watched a dom mazzetti new video longtime when i first started getting into everything so a lot of ct fletcher. A of elliott holson. All of a sudden this started popping up in my youtube feed but he had said something and it was almost like. I was like cool with it at the time. But he said okay. You're in the lifting now. You're in a bodybuilding. Welcome to never sire. Welcome to day one of never being satisfied with the way you look and it was a video about like chasing the pomp. Like you're always gonna chase the pump because you know that's when you look your best but then all of a sudden lose the pump and it's gone But yeah. I kind of forgot where i was going with this but what i was going to ask you though other it is. How can you manage The year like i guess your expectations and you had mentioned being jealous and like how can you tell somebody like. It is going to take time. It's patients obviously but like. How do you manage expectations when you want to look like somebody because everything brought takes time. That's the thing it's like when we look at our bodies or when a lot of people think of the progression of the body. They want they want. Let's be now. They want to be strong now. They wanna be big now. They wanna be lean now and we say we were talking about ourselves to ourselves too but the thing is is like this. This is something that you're going to be doing literally forever right And you can expect that just a few years of lifting. You're gonna look like. I don't even like the idea of looking like a certain person but looking like the best version of yourself the best version of yourself. Oh honestly let. Let's just be real. If when i think about the best version of myself i'm never gonna reach it. Let me tell you what. I mean by. Never gonna reach it. Because when i reached the thing that i think i might deal i'm still going for another ideal I'm never. I'm never gonna get there a lot of people like if they look. Maybe what. I'm able to progress in terms of my body. This is not the best version of my body. Not him close. I'm still thirty. Forty fifty sixty years away from that. It's a continuous under endeavor. Bright for anything pretty much and okay. Now we're getting a little crazy. Because i'm going to be eighty eight years old. I do now when. I'm eighty eight but at the same time when i'm eighty eight. I'm going be looking on something that i could improve on in terms of what i'm able to do with what i have at the moment. Even if you are in shape to be onstage for bodybuilding show and you're like four percent body fat or something wild and you're heavier than you've ever been still not necessarily the best version of your body because what about when you dead. Lifted seven fifty five. It's like when you're on stage doing that. One thing now. you're pulled away from something else. You could ban. Encima and being jackson looking great. You could go on instagram and see killer woollen woollen. Like he did the other day. Pull eight forty three against christ k. Savage great comeback story will have to have him on the show but You might see that and be like puck man you know. I mean you might get jealous that someone say. How could you be jealous of what someone can do their body. When you're fucking body looks like that. And that brings me to this idea of like bodice us morpheus with fog. Let's think about it like hearing instruments business. I do think that the fitness industry the people who don't pay attention things in the fitness industry like people in the fitness industry. We have really. I like crazy ideas of what the body can look like or what the body select compared to the rest of the population but when it comes to the idea of body dismore fia. I think it's weird because when someone looks at a mass let's say there's a big i've bodybuilding and he's like i want to get bigger bright. I'm i'm he says i'm small right on the outside people be like he has morpheus but for him. He's just looking for progress this like like. I said you don't want to be doing things that are unsafe or unhealthy to get towards your goals. You're right but if you're just lifting more so you can get bigger even though you're huge. Well the only reason why people say you have bodies morpheus because in their minds. What you're doing like you're are you already got it bro. Stop like you have it all. You don't need anymore but to you. You're like. I want more right so i think there's there's no i get it. I don't think so. You know what i'm saying. Yeah i think what we have to do. Is we have to separate never being satisfied. And and this morpheus. Because of like what i said on the previous episode or at the end where i wake up a half pound heavier than i did. The day before i automatically in the mir. I see that the definition is gone. And i fucked something up. So i'm gonna take calories down by another hundred doing something not get. That's the thing that that's that's the doing something that's not healthy. Correct to try to reach something. So i think that is different than Ifp be pro. Saying i'm small right. Now i gotta give big I guess there's bigger xia right. But like i think i think that's where we have to sir. We we can separate you know. Just not being satisfied. And then having body dismore via yeah having some like disordered thinking around the way that you look like thinking like thinking like i want to improve myself I want improve my body. I would like to make this change. I don't like this feature about myself. i'd like to change. It is probably coming from a lot. Different place than Like just being super frustrated. And being like i hate this about myself and And that problem is is actually like even to to everybody else's it's a. It's a lot smaller to them than it is to remember when you're a kid like i really rare for me to get like zits or whatever but i'd get some here and there. Do you remember when you were a teenager. You'd have it and you thought it was the biggest fucking thing you thought. It was like a satellite calling out everybody and everyone's gonna notice it right away. And like i mean the truth is most teenagers have some acne and they suffer from that and like no one really cares. I mean every once in a while you might have some someone that's just gigantic or something but for the most part is there You know everyone's kind of going through the same shit. no one really notices. But you're thinking man. I wear hats better. Scott the horns one here and one here at horns man pissed me. I like what the fuck that everyone's staring at that. And i think sometimes that's how Some can end up feeling when we're don't have the body that we would take our shirt off or whatever it might be and we're just like oh man like everyone's gonna see every i'm exposed really see this like i. I don't i don't have what i want. And everyone else is gonna notice that i don't have what i want. But how would anybody else know what you want and does anybody else even fucking care probably not. Yeah but you're right. Because then i'll i'll start thinking like fuck. They're going to be like no. You're the guy that's always on a diet or you're always doing stuff right. Like like whoa. You actually have a little bit more. Nobody would ever say anything. They don't even think this way by the because i'm thinking it off like they're probably like wow that's what fifteen percent body. Fat looks like curse. Dexter scandal is like all these thoughts. We'll just go through my. They're looking at your arms and you think that they're staring up a little bit of chubb that you might have your belly button. Yup like everyone's honed in on that. And and meanwhile i run sweat in the fact that you got big arms like yo like what are you doing for your arms you know like Yeah but you know you mentioned something that i think is is so damn important And when an individual yet when an individual looks at their body and but say that they look great but they're like off like these these star to get angry. Because oh i'll i'm holding too much fat here. This and they start to speak negatively about themselves. Because i have met people. And i've i've had conversations with people where i look at them. Dislike that action. Oh you you're you're not fat. Like you know like legitimately you are not fat but they in their had their like onto fat that this it. It messes with them emotionally. It gives them all this like they feel horrible and that in of itself like that's a different thing that's one individual has to. I look at themselves and understand. No i have agreed body. I am like like things are good but instead of having the mindset of. I'm so horrible i suck this and that have the mindset of improving something that you might not be maybe the happiest with but the mindset of improvement is very very different than the consistent putting down of oneself and the degrading of yourself because of a flaw. You believe you have. Have you ever lost it anything. Yeah yes make you make you a loser. Technically yes i mean i mean does but the person i do not feel like a loser i've i've i've lost too many things too but i don't feel like a loser now. Andrew is mentioned in the past loser. Mindset right And i think some of the sometimes these things can happen again. I think it's great to identify. What's my problem with my issue. What am i. what am i working against ray. And then to try to solve the problem on the level at which it exists right. So if we're talking about. I mean usually with bodies this more family can come in many different shapes but usually people are talking about body fat. Just because you have body fat doesn't necessarily mean that you're fat and that you have everything that's attached to being fat. That doesn't mean that you have all those things attached to you forever. They might be attached to you currently because he might be making some mistakes but we all make mistakes. Do we all lose like you know what i mean. There's sombody fat is an actual thing that all human beings have. We all have body fat on us. We all have muscle on us. Some have more or less of this. Or that. When i when i see somebody we all end up kind of comparing ourselves to each other. Right the urinals a great example this you up at the in anyway. We're all going to compare each other. We're all gonna compare each other to each other but we have. We all have different circumstances. We all were given some different attributes. Maybe detriments i guess we're all giving like some different things you know i at birth and it's taken me a long time to get to where i'm at because i mean i it's rare for me to really be jealous of somebody i might have some. I think it's normal for people to have some jealousy here in there for that pre little bit here and there of course then i actually i auto correct and i'm move back. Okay nope that motherfucker worked for it. You know hit the like button. Don't be a hater. you know congratulate. The guy told me he's fucking great because that was cool with that person achieved and there's no reason for you to sweat. What they're doing. They did a great job. It i think what happens to us. And i i would say i speak from my own experience. I think what happens to us sometimes when someone else gets a compliment. You think that that means something against you. Yeah it's like dude. No one's fucking talking about you just because someone said somebody looks great and a t shirt or something. They're not saying that you look bad and yours by think That's almost like our interpretation. Sometimes and it can really wreak havoc on you so for for me. It's been transformative to gain some levels of success in certain areas but those things would not have stopped my disordered thinking on many different subjects. Unless i investigated unless i investigated them myself unless i was searching for and seeking for a way to self improve away to fix whatever my issues are and to to work on them has made me a lot stronger and may not really be concerned. Someone else gets a compliment like. That's fucking awesome that yeah let me throw a compliment your way to because that that other person was right. You fucking do great And that's so we were talking about this earlier but the idea that like you don't want to you don't you. Don't want to like compare yourself to somebody and be like oh my shoulders officials. They're they're not there yet. You don't want to like i think that you can compare yourself to people but you compare yourself to people any use that comparison as a positive so for example. When i look at how long i've been doing stuff on youtube etc and i see other people who maybe they haven't been honored as long as they've they've grown faster at this and that what i look at those individuals. I'm not like they don't deserve it. I've been doing this longer blah blah blah. So must like. That's fucking awesome. They they did that in six months. What did they do in those six months i off. They've been grinding. But what are they doing those six months. That maybe i wasn't doing. Or what can i take from that. And and so i can maybe do some of that too. It's like same thing when it comes to somebody's body you see somebody who has like a crazy chest right and you're you're not like fuck my chest like his chest. It's like maybe he's doing something in terms of his workouts or somebody jujitsu that maybe they're doing something differently in their training or are they focusing on something different. That i can ads. What i'm doing. So that i can improve. That's what we gotta look at comparing isn't a bad thing. It's then what is your. How do you frame that in a positive way. So you're not like it doesn't bring you down sometimes. Somebody's just better than you at something man you know. And it can be a real bummer. Yeah but it's true. I mean like could you imagine you know you're you're you're working your ass off every day on on sprint's you know you're one hundred meter sprinter and you're you're working american and working at work in your training and you're doing all this stuff and then you go get go against like a guy like hussein bolt just you know crushes everybody right like there's michael phelps swimming There's i mean there's so many examples of this sometimes Somebody's just better than you at particular things. Maybe you can catch them somewhere else. Maybe you catch him on some weird random a bad day. But sometimes in certain instances that person's worst day in that particular subject You'll still might get your ass kicked and not just sometimes. Are you going to be able to be everyone jujitsu like all the time. I don't know if i've ever heard. I know there's some people have had kind of careers where they've been undefeated but even those guys have lost somewhere like they've gotten tapped in practice for sure right so no one goes through things On scared but i think you know really good quote that i like. A lot is from jordan peterson. He says Compare yourself to who you were yesterday and not to who someone else is today. Yes and man that that can be really difficult you know to to execute on that but to kinda just pause for second and just recognize. Okay that person's there like you said like youtube great example or tick talk or instagram. Were all in a rush to be you know famous role in a rush to be more popular. Potentially monetize stuff fielder reach more. People build a help more people. We could sit here and we could get all stressed out about you know joe rogan's podcast right. But that's not benefit. It's not beneficial to us to try to figure out. How do we get seen by his many millions of people as joe rogan it. It's definitely possible that it never happens right. Because he we also didn't have the same track as him you know he Was on fear factor for all those years. He's a stand up comedian. He has developed communication skills on a level that most likely none of us in this room will my ever reach He practices his craft for. He's been practicing it for so long and even if we did practice it more and even if he practiced it less. There's still a potential that he's just fucking better at it and that's sometimes some of the simple truth of it and so there's no reason to get overly worked up a wrapped up about it because there's not anything you can do to really help that along. You could maybe use it as a little. Bit of Healthy fuel and say that guy worked really hard. He did abc. I'm going to do. Abc as well because that was really beneficial to him. And i think that some of that would probably help me if i was consistent. Just like he is the one super cool thing that. I think that there's something here i don't have any proof That there is. But i think that the idea of not trying to tear people down or having the habit of not tearing people down this can be you and conversation with friends or you Even when you're thinking about somebody else do not try to tear that person down in terms of what they've been able to do or what they've been able to achieve them such interpret. I do all well. Okay because some fun little jobs here and there. That's that's that's different. Yeah but like like we make jokes about bash all the time. But we're not out here really just like just shit talking somebody but for me. That's where my brain goes to a lot of times. I have to pay attention to that. So i got i for me personally. I got like even something as simple as liking. Somebody's post it. Cost me way more than it. Should for me to make a a a a for me to give somebody like button and i i have to. I have to talk myself out of it. Like don't hate on what that guys i mean. Obviously like just because they don't hit the like button that hated either. But i somehow in comparison to me what's in competition with me. And if i don't like it then it's like dude I'm sorry but fucking just give up because that has a hundred and fifty thousand likes and hugh not giving them one. Little vote is not going to boost your own shit up. It's just knock. It doesn't work that way. But i have some disordered thinking when it comes to that so i have to kinda walk myself through that but like no. No be pump for that person. 'cause they fucking earned it I remember that that started happening win. So like i. I love watching basketball. You know since. I was a kid Everybody would always talk about like Like oh did you watch this cartoon or whatever and be like. I listened to the kings game last night because we don't have cable and on top of that like kings games. Were never televised when i would sit there in the kitchen and listen to every single game like the what. What other fucking third. Fourth grader does that. But anyway When it started is because i would look up to these guys. They're like in the early twenties and then all of a sudden like damn that guy got drafted in these younger than me like fuck like i'm not doing shit with my life you know so. That's kind of like the resentment that loser mentality started coming from because then you know you don't take ownership you start blaming other people and it's like well. He was to us to talented or he was born with. All this like you have to work for it hating on someone. Because they're wealthy. Hate nonsense got a new car. Eight and somebody got a new pair of shoes or this. Whatever the hell that is. It's like man we sometimes so wasteful. It's so funny. So i have to bring this up because this is perfect. My cousin. He just like randomly out of nowhere posted on facebook. Like dude. i'm so happy that the What what's the uber Court thing is all over with You know some of you might remember like i was in a car accident. He was an uber driver. Turns out like i won so the case so he mentioned he got like half a million dollars and he kept going on and on and on and they just for everybody that just got pissed off. What does that say about you. He's like yes. This is all made up now is like oh shit. That was great. Because that's so funny though because yeah you're right. A lot of people were probably already hating on them without even knowing or you know that doesn't affect you right but they're just so upset that somebody else got ahead so little off topic but like you know how sometimes somebody's like like they're like i hate that person. 'cause they're famous for no reason and you're like what are you like. Why what's the what's wiser. Have to be like a cool reason to be famous Why like there's there's obviously enough reason for someone to be famous for two must have mattered to enough people to elicit a response that people think this person's famous like the kardashians or something like that right. It's like i hear people say stuff like that wide is it who who really fucking cares and they are famous. Get over it famous than the rich. Kim did something yes bleak leaked video. We quote. yeah. We need to leak are video yet. We have to hit a certain video. Right guys we. We don't have a video. I forgot about that. Who was that at the the. Ufc fight that like everyone was hating on. Yeah chick i. I don't know who she was. But that's the kind of shit that i'm talking about. Like a lot of people were mad that she was like a like a like somewhat of a reporter type of thing but she was just like a tic talker. I don't know who she was. And you know what the funny thing is about that whole situation. Okay so this woman Her name is really. Yeah i understand. Yeah addison addison but this kind of falls mine. Exactly what we're talking about. Addison ray famous on talk. The ufc invites her to do some interviews. Okay but they're literally just for tick talk because she has a great tectonic fog so they're like okay. Let's let's have our interview. Some of these fighters and shoes post interview dustin player because they're from the same hometown so it was like they're from the same hometown. She's ticked talk famous. Let's do a little clap so we can whatever and help people that went to school for broadcasting and people. That like they're like i went to school for eight or six years and and she's over here. Just talk famous. She's doing this and that and that and the funny thing is that she wasn't even doing that on. Tv 'cause he made a post and people were thinking that she was going to be on tv doing interviews but it was just protect talk and married now. They were wrong just like your story. It's not she wasn't on tv. Interviewing this is just for all my guy so i. I don't know who she has been alma fan. Because i did see a tweet not like when you said that. She's like. I'm so proud of this moment because i went to school for three months gaffer reporting whatever the fuck it's called the communications maybe and i was like what is this all about now that you say that she leaned into it. So that's i. I don't know the fact that she didn't actually interview anybody that look what's going on with boxing right now. You know where these people that aren't boxers have popped into boxing and people who are getting all bent. And they're like this. There's not real. They're not real fighters. I think they're having like a real fight and they're gonna punch each other and it's on tv sounds kind unreal to me you know So it's it's interesting that we get so Get so protective of certain things we get so wound up and again when we when. I'm when i'm saying we. I'm county myself in that mix because i have a tendency to think that way sometimes too and i'm like how do i even care. Yeah yes give somebody a pat on the back about it. Same here but we catch ourselves. That's the whereas you he's like big about this. Logan paul goes does a fight with the best boxer almost moved lot people's advest boxer ever and a lot of boxers. You've been doing that. Their whole life like faulk that that's not cool. What well instead. How about you think about how you can get so notable logan paul so you can draw is to your fight. You gotta build social. Is that an opportunity that you even care about. You know what i mean like. They want us thing getting boxing. You know what is it. You're you're trying to do. I just don't i i. It's amazing again. i'm guilty. I get caught up in it sometimes too. I'm not like that. How come. I didn't get that recognition. I'll come out and get that spot It's like bulk because union fucking do anything for. He did nothing you for it. Yes you did zero for Okay how can we bring this back around to. I know we're talking about comparison with the bodies and stuff so we can bring it back around body dismore via it is the basically seems impossible for like i'll just use my experience To in my head to go back four years ago compare myself back then to where i am now like it just. I don't have that memory. You guys might be like dude i remember this skinny kid hunched over like okay like you guys can see that progress but i can't you know it's weird that we i guess i don't know if you guys can but like i cannot but it's weird like humans can't can't look back can be like damn. I came a long way. Love you bro. We do more biggest thing You you have an interesting way of wording things and like you just totally completely when our percent answered your own question and i answered and summed up a lot of what. We're talking about here today. And i think a lot of times time can be on your side. You know time can be the thing that We can look at and so you can kind of ask yourself and sometimes this might piss you off. You know because maybe you're not or head maybe you're not further along than you than you were if you compare if you go back and you look at yourself from five years ago you know. Maybe there's maybe there's a couple areas where someone could say all you know. I actually by years ago. I was actually a little bit further along with this but for the most part everything else kind of moving along really that would be totally normal because we only have so much time in a day and something that but if most of us are to think about our diet habits are habits they're just having bad habits in general that we've identified that we said. Hey i'd like to move away from by doing that anymore. smoking or drinking or whatever it is that you have kind of shifted away from I think if we can use time as a barometer he can say all right. Well i'm you know. I don't have everything completely together the way that i would like but then in being in recognition of what encima said like it's it's just that's it's not gonna happen. I'm never going to have everything altogether. Where i'm totally satisfied. One hundred percent with all aspects of my life. There's going to be a lot of kind of pushing and pulling and compromise that you make with yourself. We're going to have a lot of negative talk in her head about what other people are doing. Or what the world is doing to us type of thing you know even though that's not a thing but we're going to have all these kind of misconceptions and these different things that we got kind of battle all the time and you got to try to figure out a way to balance out. You'll continually get a little bit better at them. But if you could just say a little further along. When i was three years ago in this one area where i have body morpheus over or are you kind of doing what i said earlier where you're just doing zero about it. They've not doing anything about it. If you're not doing anything about it. I think you need to shut the fuck up into the. Stop being negative towards yourself and my father-in-law a couple years back. He told my mother-in-law and he struggled with his diet and towards the end of his life he was He had cancer in his life kind of compromise and he definitely need to make a change he definitely. It was clear that he had to do something about his nutrition He died of a heart attack. He wasn't able to he wasn't you know for him. It was but he told my mother-in-law something that i think is really really smart. So he he messed around diet a little bit here and there he tried a couple of things wasn't a guy who was big into exercising or anything But he just told her flat out. He said sherry he said. I'm not like you. Meaning she likes food but she doesn't care that much he goes. I love food so he was in recognition of who he was and what he was up against but he may. He made peace with it. He wasn't trying to like fight it. He wasn't trying to. He wasn't really messing around with doing anything about it. And he just like. I said he just he kinda shut up about it because he knew it wasn't anything that he was addressing and he knew he was going to have to live with end up dying from the consequences. That's that's huge mia's when you said that like like some people are just. You're not doing anything about it. That's the big thing right there. Because when i had conversations individuals. I don't have this like you doing anything. No i don't know what to tell you. I don't have money man. I'm broke i. Don't you know. I lost my job like and you try to give a couple of suggestions right. You say he man you know what that's actually. That's really unfortunate but actually just read at sick book and they're like i mean like right away they're just ending you. Try to bring a couple other things. And you're just thinking like managed not ready to relieve receive that at the moment you know but you gotta be find. Find your problems and then start to figure out if you can do anything about them if he can't do anything about them sometimes. That's unfortunate. sometimes we can't you're not gonna be able to really truly change who you are. You can change some aspects but it's very very hard to really have like massive change Yeah or like In this this is a little bit unfair because like some some people can be. You can be in a pretty tough situation. I was in also but you know you hear somebody that complains about their job every single day like like. It's not a prison sentence like you actually can do something to get out of that and you know but it's like almost more comforting to keep complaining yes and i think All of us have flaws. We don't really want other people to know what those flaws are. We don't want to expose them so we we keep them. Keep them close to our hearts. Because we don't want anybody to have potential to be able to like hurt you with those things or you don't want to draw attention to it but normally it's like once actually we've seen this a lot with social media. Sometimes somebody mentioned something They struggle with and then usually. What's the response. It's not like people go in and bury the guy or not or on follow the person they're usually holy fuck. I got the same thing too. I didn't know you know. And you'll sometimes it becomes a like a movement where everyone kind of gets behind it. And like i felt the same way or i've had the same thing happening for me in terms of my body like i. I'm very happy with the way i look. I don't have any problem Taking my shirt off. I feel good. I feel strong. But i'm always working towards being in better shape and from being so big previously. I still have some fat. That i wanna lose. I want to get rid of. And am i doing anything about it is the question. I need to communicate with myself often. Sometimes i'm working at it. Pretty good scale of one to ten probably like an eight. I'm not even really. I'm not interested in doing a ten. I'm not. I'm not even i'm just not bothering. I'm going to take time with it. And and have it be less aggressive. Because i don't want to pull away from anything else than doing in my life so for me i just keep crews at eight and a have some chubb. That's like just above my. But i have a massive booty and my ass like even way more giant before But i got a slob. Bacon chunk back there from you know work working on but it's like if i didn't have that the fuck would i be doing myself. It's like i need. You need to have stuff and you're working on your work and that's only problems but there's you'd have to always be working on stuff right. Yeah you had said something. I think it was a saturday school episode where you said Somebody's body is a representation of like what the fuck something about were where somebody hold their fat shows like exactly where they are in their diet or something like that. And i forgot how. How man i butchered that one. But i i thought it was cool because it was like. Hey that's an indicator where you need to clean things up like depending on where it is in your body. Yeah that's i mean. That can be a little bit more complicated. I mean charles. Polokwane did entire seminars on that but not to make things too confusing if you were if you were somebody that moved quite a bit. When you were young and had good activity and didn't didn't traditionally over consumed calories and you have been able to maintain some resemblance of that. You probably distribute your body fat on throughout your body and this is just an observation. This isn't like facts or any of these science if you're somebody that Grew up kind of eating some junk. And maybe you sat down. Played video games quite a bit. You're gonna notice that that person that has more body fat. Let's say you had two people that have same amount of body fat. The person that sat and played video games and again. This is not sciences observational. is gonna probably have more love handles. It probably gonna have more fat in some weird spots where the other person they have body fat on them but it hasn't really accumulated. It's not really sitting in anyone particular area. So i've heard people kind of talked about this before too and this is like not necessarily related directly to that but you know having a messy desk having a messy house having tons of bottles and crap in your car. That's not necessarily representative of your body because somebody could have a great looking body and have their car and have some things messy but it is kind of a representation of your brain being a little scrambled and you not really caring about. You know the way you do like some things way. Do everything type of deal. And it's it's not an easy thing to be on track beyond point with every fucking thing that you do and there's no reason overly stress about it. We all got strengths and weaknesses. But if you're somebody that is out of shape and you're working on getting in shape. I would get everything in your. I would work on trying to get everything in shape. Make a little bit more shape. Make a little bit more schedule. Make a little bit more regimen on everything you're doing. yeah insieme. Do you have body this. Morpheus well you know. I don't do anything in an unhealthy fashion to try to continue to improve aspects of my body so of to the definition. Now says the guy who's on a sixty hour fast. Oh and seven percent body fat with less than two hours of sleep tonight. How does he sounded again. We're doing so well we don't want to talk to them about how Working on getting no sleep. Yeah we we'll have to save that for another no. We're not gonna do this guys. I get eight hours. I get says. He benign do i anyway. The only reason why. I said that is because you know i fast. All the time to right and Here i am you know I'm working on increasing my bench. Press again it's like well you know it's like what is it. We're working on it. What does it what does they were seeking. But you develop a skill set with diet and with nutrition and with your body and this is Just something that you decided to do right. Yeah so you talking about the fast. Yeah yes so Last quarter. I did a forty eight. Didn't make it a seventy two. I drink a protein shake yesterday so some people be like. Oh my best. But i didn't get that. I did that protein shake. I'm sorry guys. But yeah. I'm doing a seventy two because this is the fast i do. This quarter the long term Not doing it to change my body or anything anyway but like it's good for health. My grandmother just kind of funny. This little top of my grandma does like multiple five day fasts. Every few weeks she fasten praise. So does my mom. It's like a it's a it's a spiritual thing so they'll do water fasting and prayer and i finally mom just have the electorate. Have you been praying for andrew. And i always you guys. Are centers. want you to play with you. But i don't want us to go to heaven stop please. Let's see. I'm dying here guys because the moreland two hours of sleep here when it comes to the body it's warfare thing that we've been talking about. This really came to mind. Just because i see a lot of people like you who make fitness youtube content. It's been like a hot topic. And i think just being thrown around too much Where there are some people who really have it and according to the bear definition we'd have it to but if if according to them you know finding certain things in my body that i want to improve in working at them even though other people may think it's great. That's by the not by us more. But i'm not doing anything. Unsafe to get towards michaels. And the whole thing. That we've been talking about here. Is that. There's no problem with you trying to always progress and not be satisfied that can be done in a very healthy manner. And that's what. I think we're doing here. Satisfied athletes sucked up. Heard that before. And it's it's a usually true when someone thinks like already great at something or super satisfied. I mean we've seen it happened many many times where somebody comes into a sport their total animal. They mop up the floor with every single opponent they ever face and then they are at some point. They're satisfied they make a lot of money. They're not as hungry as they once were and then they finally get their ass kicked. And you're like oh well because once. You think you're great a lot of times you're gonna kind of be dethroned so i think it's it can be healthy to always want to work on being better improvement progress to think a lot of negative thoughts about your body or to hate your body i think puts you in a category that You know what you you probably will struggle with with having a mindset like that and I don't pretend to have any remedies for you to get out of that other than to simply kind of work on it drill a bunch and communicate with yourself about the other things that you like about your body. I mean we take so many things for granted. I have a podiatrist appointment. My i have calluses on my feet. I walk a lot. And you know from when i was bigger. You know my well. My feet are just kind of fat anyway and they just rub on the side of my shoe. So i build up these calluses so have to go and get these calluses removed here and there. But sometimes i'm frustrated. I'm like my god damn feet are killing me but really i should be more like this is awesome that i have opportunity to walk every day in california. What i mean like. There's just there's a completely different way to look at stuff rather than being negative or hate on yourself or hating on any part of your body. Ab beat us. More thankful that your body is working and functioning the way that you want. i get the same us. I think this based off of what you explained. I think i get a very similar callus on the like side on my foot and that shit sucks. It's almost like a feels like a like another to- wants to grow is never foot shave down or something and you had a bunny. Net was so maybe man. We gotta have an episode where we bring like some like really. There are some feet expert that we'd get on this. There's a guy local here in sacramento. We can get them. You know fetish because yeah so my fear wide but soccer cleats are narrow. Majority of soccer sheets are super narrow with high track shoes. Yeah yeah and they don't. They didn't necessarily at the time soccer. They didn't necessarily make the best cleats for people with big old wide. Like me so. I'll stuff in my feet and say these narrow cleats over the years. So what happened guys was. Let's see that this is my pinkie toe while these. These were getting smashed. My pinky toe would come in and then the bone was popping out. Oh so that was like the pinky the bone here on my pinky toe so they had to. When i was in college they had to shave that bone off and they put a little screw inside and that stopped me from being able to like walk around. I was walking around campus on crutches for like eight months because that was a really slow healing process. But that's also what stopped me from playing soccer because my couldn't run. And when i started reading again i couldn't run the right way but yeah i'm happy now that there are more options for shoes. Yeah so we're tankless. Yeah pretty good karate kick when they shave that off like visit. Her is like really painful. He thinks you're yeah. No it doesn't hurt it okay I barely even notice. It's disgusting but like basically just kind of dig through some layers of skin and then it's just it's gone. I don't have any pain If they were to go too far they would hurt. But they're just the removing layers of skin. That like just don't need be there. I know i've literally like sand. Did mine off and hurt. But you can't and yeah. It doesn't it doesn't. I've tried that before and it doesn't work right. It kinda works but you need to like be. it's because the the The layer of like dead skin. That's there is like block thicker in in the middle and so if you try to just sand it down you're standing on the sides and shit. I know it's fucking disgusting. It is mean when i did it once like healed up. It was like cool. I got like room and my shoe and then it just came right back ham so weird anyway and tickets out will everybody for check it out. Today's episode which is one last thing little eastern. I'm about to ruined some lives so a friend of mine. We're watching the show on. That looks called. Sex dash life for sex seen episode three i. I don't know how far you guys. I want you to porn. She's like this. This this show is done like i. It was directed by female because when you see all the scenes it's it's very like its way woman would want it to go but by the way got episode three go to the scene the shower scene and then come back and comment and let me know how much you hate me. Because that's shit what we talk about the urinals. I remember that sex life episode three shower scene. I want your reactions and comments. Andrew takes our right with that said merrick health dot com slash power project. We talk a lot about nutrition health and again today. We talked about this morpheus but really the best way to find out. Exactly what's going on with your body is to get blood work and the best panel is the one that we put together ourselves Somebody in the comments was actually They compared to like every other company. They're like yeah. It's pretty close to what everyone else is trying to do. But it is cheaper and it does come with the The the actual expert like one on one review. So it's it's above and beyond again. America health dot com slash power project linked down in the description below as well as the podcast show notes and Make sure you use promo code power project to bring that panel all the way down from five hundred to three hundred and ninety nine dollars and please follow the podcast. Mark bells power project on instagram at nba. Power project on talk and twitter. Instagram and twitter is at andruzzi. And i'm just. I'm such a child really. I've just i can't wait to just get these comments back because i'm about to and seema on instagram and youtube. Nc jane on twitter mark. Hey you know what these shows you know. You could be the beneficiary of some of these shows you know so you put it on the ladies with you and they're like hey this is you know might get them. Get them excited. Yeah oh wow you get there. I'm telling you the the power project calendar it'll have us on the cover and just every month isn't seem like that yeah. I think that'd be good. I can shoot it. Of course you can just use the pictures that we took mark and oil. You just use the pictures we took. We have all the picture. I wanted to new ones but aren't episode three. Show you guys right after we get off all get washed a circle and i'm going to turn now. I'm getting a little nervous. You should i. You know usually what i tell. My wife is those aren't real. Dick's i'm like these are these are movies porn. Not you know no one has luminescent that has won that big that kidding me make this impossible straight as never week this week. This never strained catching is later.

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If You Don't Know, Now You Know - Tech Roundup

The Daily Show with Trevor Noah: Ears Edition

39:06 min | 2 months ago

If You Don't Know, Now You Know - Tech Roundup

"You're listening to comedy central support for the daily show with. trevor noah. Ears edition comes from nerdwallet. Got money goals. Nerdwallet can help you tackle them. Go to nerdwallet dot com to compare and find the smartest financial products for your needs. Whether you're looking for the smartest travel rewards credit card for future getaway a refinance to free up cash or an investing account for your kids college nerdwallet gotcha back. They've got the tools calculators and side by side comparisons to help you turn your dreams into realities make. Your money goes happened with the smartest credit cards. Mortgages investing accountant more at nerdwallet dot com go to nerdwallet dot com to compare and find the smartest financial products for you in. Mls number one. Six one seven five three nine. What is one of the biggest concerns. People have about modern technology privacy right because our phones know everything about us what music we listen to. How much sleep. We get what i'll face looks like when we're pooping but now apple is going to give you a little more control over how widely that information is shared. You know how it goes. You search for something online then seeing ads on facebook or instagram. For that exact item. Well apple is making it harder for apps to track your online activity. When you're using apps on your iphone you may start to see this users must now give permission for apps to track your online activity data before you could only opt out. It's about time jenny. Gephardt is with the privacy nonprofit. The electronic frontier foundation searching from down to opt in is huge. That is going to really make a lot. More users opt out of this tracking feature but it wasn't built for users. It was built for advertisers. That's right people with the new updates. You have to opt in to being tracked online instead of having to opt out and i know it might seem like a small change but this is a huge deal because people are lazy as shit like think about if apple said that they were gonna put all your news online unless you opted out. You'd probably be like what ways. Well where's that opt-out option settings general. Where i you know what. I'm proud of my belichick do this. I don't care anymore. i got things to do. And people don't understand how much inflammation facebook is actually getting from other apps like you think it's a small thing you know how you want your friends. Oh i was talking about something and then it popped up. Is my phone listening to me. No it's the apps like if you're in atlanta and you the weather in vermont in won't wait for you to search for a winter coat before it starts showing ads for one and if you've been ordering pizza every night on grubhub. The ads will show you a coach. That's true sizes up because it knows so. This new privacy feature is good news for iphone uses but it turns out. It's very bad news for one of apple's biggest rivals facebook in fact. It's so bad for them that they've started throwing up pop-ups begging everyone to let them keep tracking us and warning us that if we don't facebook might stop being free of charge and i'm not gonna lie less. Seems like an empty threat to me because who would pay to be on facebook with the type of people willing to pay to be on facebook. That's like if a crack house cover charge actually wouldn't mind a facebook started charging people because i think if they did maybe people would actually think for second before they posted. The government puts fluoride in the water to brainwash us coast two dollars. Keep it to myself now. The reason facebook needs to track. Its uses so that it can charge big bucks to advertise. Who wants to target very specific audiences but mark zuckerberg knows that people don't care if he can't afford to give his hovercraft beginning for its birthday so instead he's asking you to think about the poor companies that will suffer if he contract you facebook. Said apple's move will harm their small business. Advertisers it's gonna kill us is going to kill us but for monique wilson. Deb riano who was featured in a facebook campaign and owns charleston gourmet burger. The change has already affected sales and she's had to cut costs. It's not a bow small businesses. Wanting to take away anyone's privacy always wanted to really service our customers that are so someone loves hamburgers are looking for something. That is just awesome to your hamburgers case bear. I would like to show my add to you. And this update takes that away or small businesses like y. Okay now this is interesting. I mean i don't like getting tracked but it is true that does help some small businesses. Talk talking the ads you know and the truth is in life bad. Things can't have good side effects. You know it's like how serial killers of bad. We all agree that their bed. But you do get a lot of really interesting. Cost out of them. Yeah no so. I see what facebook is trying to argue here. They're saying. Do you really want to hurt. Small businesses before amazon has a chance to bankrupt them and honestly i wouldn't mind targeted ads that much but the thing is it's how it is how facebook tracks all of that. I don't like like we want facebook austin me. Hey trevor. do you like hamburgers. We're going to show you stuff about food. But what facebook actually does is basically send some guiding gary just stalk my entire life. Hey trevor i heard you like hamburgers. What how did you know that he he he he he. I read an email. You send to your girlfriend. So maybe you're still not swayed by the effect of this change on small businesses. And that's why facebook is also warning of the bleak future that awaits all of us. If they can't track our every movement anymore facebook's pushing back it relies on that data to target consumers with relevant ads. So people do opt out. Here's would facebook says could happen. Say young man is looking for new pair of sneakers on his phone. Facebook claims that with apple's new rules. It won't be able to use his search history information about what other apps he uses to show him ads for things. He wants to buy so on facebook or instagram. He could end up seeing ads for women's clothing. Our furniture railway logging on on the guys we've lived our entire lives watching untargeted ads right. Tv ads newspaper ads. Billboards none of those were targeted. And we fine right now. All of a sudden they making. It seem like we can't live without them like we're going to be like oh new. Who knew and to which untargeted edge. But how will i. If a product isn't for me would five by. Because i didn't know that i don't have a period. What if i buy dog food. But i don't have a dog and my dog and my dog won't temp on. I know we can handle targeted ads. In fact sometimes i'm targeted ads. Introduce you to things that you never knew you needed. Yeah like a shower seats. I didn't think about that before. I came to america. And then now. That i'm here realize just because i'm not eighteen doesn't mean a get clean and comfortable and on top of all that facebook makes it seem they make it seem like all the use that data for is to sell us the products that we want. But don't forget that the reason you often only see posts that make you mad as hell is because of all the time. Facebook is tracking you and they used that targeting to piss you off. It's not a coincidence. That facebook is telling you that joe biden is going to make the bible spanish only or that trump stole all the mailboxes to give to kim jong un. It's because they know how to keep you engaged for as long as possible. And they know this by tracking you and again. I'm not pro apple here right. But apple didn't build their entire business model on stoking you. Facebook did and if moving society away from tracking people means that. Gary has to find a new job. Then so be it. Might dad dr. Who will recommend creams for your toenail. Fungus get the data here. Gary unfortunately due to the pandemic a lot of people are doing worse than ever because it turns out that the technology keeping us connected is also making us feel like shit with the stress of the pandemic image issues have been on the rise. Forty three percent of women to six percent of men said covert nineteen negatively affected. How attractive the countless hours spent on zoom or video calls is causing more and more americans to be insecure about their parents videoconferencing presents. A constant unedited unfiltered look at ourselves. That can be unsettling and those front facing cameras were all using. Aren't doing us any favors. Things like the knows could actually appear larger and wider and the is could appear staller not only as a person confronting her own reflection with much greater intensity and frequency than they ever had before but they were staring at a distorted reflection. This is all part of an alarming new trend coined zoom dismore via zoom dismore. 'fear it's when you realize that it's not just everyone else who looks terrible zoo and that's really not cool. You know. zoom shouldn't make you feel bad about your looks. It should make feel bad about your duty as living but you have to remember people. This is a new phenomenon that we're dealing with humans didn't evolve to see their own faces all the time. That's not normal except with twins. I guess they don't count the freaks another one of you. What's like think about it for most of human history. If you want to know what you looked like you had to get your friend smash up some blueberry and rub on the cave wall you look like this damn. Do i really hold a spear like that now. The good news is that it's likely we'll be using zoom a lot less in the near future but unfortunately there's another technology that also makes us feel bad about ourselves and it doesn't look like it's going away anytime soon. I'm talking about photo filters yes. They've helped mankind realizes dream of puking rainbows. But some of the most popular filters just help you look more attractive which may sound harmless but it could be anything such cutting edge apps and social media filters or allowing ordinary people to enhance their online photos to impossible perfection. In some cases it's sparking concerning phenomena with apps like face tune you have the power to completely transform yourself. Bigger eyes skinnier nose and jaw line smaller but or flatter belly. Whiter teeth smoother. Skin you can do it right on your phone. When i take a selfie i always use filters i wish i could look like my filter himself in this obsession with personal appearance that selfie culture encourages may have darker implementation's for mental a study in the journal of the american medical association says filtered pictures can take a toll on self esteem body image and even lead to body dismore fake disorder. I feel like we're losing touch with reality. Looks like we're already getting there to the point where we're expecting people to look as human as possible. Yeah photo editing filters set unrealistic expectations for beauty. The same way foot. Ninja sets up unrealistic expectations. Of how easy it is to slice floating route and once you have this full version of yourself in your head you become dissatisfied with what you really look like. So in essence. We're basically cat fishing ourselves. But if these editing apps can turn adults into quivering blobs of insecurity just imagine what they're doing to kids. Psychologists worn these photo filters can be particularly troubling for teens and young people who are still developing their sense of self eighty percent of girls in one survey say they compare the way they look to other people on social media. Sound like people like kendall jenner and kylie jenner. The all have this time measure like that. Everyone is expecting from this generation. Young girls on social media have a negative body perception with one in seven girls reporting being unhappy with the way they look at the end of elementary school and that number almost doubling to nearly one in three by age fourteen. Eighty percent of young girls are using photo. Retouching naps to change the way they look before hosting pictures and those with high scores for manipulating their photos were associated with high scores for body related and eating concerns. You any of you ever questioned your body because of what you see on social media shame man. This is a vicious cycle for teenagers. Social media makes them unhappy with how they look so then they useful tools which perpetuate the unrealistic expectations for themselves and others. Plus the teenagers. So they're doing all of this while they're driving which puts everyone at risk and all. The insecurity creates harmful for teenagers. Because i know it's hard to choose all of this out but teens shouldn't be obsessing over the stuff like i honestly wish i could sit all teenagers down. And say hey. Don't worry about how you look the plans going to die out before you're thirty. It doesn't matter now. It's bad enough when people wish they had the perfect instagram. Look in real life. What's worse is when they actually tried to make it happen. The more people look at dr up images the more likely they are to actually start seeking out cosmetic procedures at younger ages. These cosmetic procedures are becoming so popular with teens plastic surgeons have coined a new syndrome for it snapchat this moorefield and the number of kids getting nip tuck may astound you in two thousand seventeen. Nearly two hundred and thirty thousand teens had cosmetic procedures to kids as young as thirteen are getting them. Doctors seeing an influx of people of all ages turning to plastic surgery to look more like their filter. Sixty two percent of plastic surgeons reported their patients wanted to go under the knife because of dissatisfaction with their social media profile fifty seven percent said their patients wanted to look better in selfie. Becoming more and more common with people will show me images their instagram. Or even something that. I it on facebook. Hang on this is really wanna look just last week. I had a patient come in. Ask me for more of an anime. I and couldn't figure out why it's not possible. Okay man this is really disturbing. Thirteen year olds in particular should not be getting plastic surgery. I mean when you thirteen you'll. Physical appearance is already naturally changing faces long term plastic surgery. I mean this is what. I looked like when i was thirteen. You gotta let that should play out honestly. though. I don't blame the teenagers. I blame the parents and the plastic surgeons. I mean how are you going to let them do to themselves. They can't even buy cigarettes. But you're gonna let them by a new face candy this getting out of hand which is why is now a movement not just against filters but all the ways that people have been distorting reality all social media. Many influencers have started speaking up on this issue. Admitting that they've presented altered images in the past and are opening up the conversation summer even posting raw totally unedited photos of themselves and breaking down. How people on your instagram feet may be manipulating their angles and lighting to get that quote unquote perfect selfie. There are many celebrities exposing the dangers. Of digital's distortion. They are posting images of themselves unedited unfiltered online and this is a great example. To young girls popstar. Lizotte made a big splash when she posted a selfie in the nude and unreal touched. There's no shame anymore. And i just kind of post myself. It's like you take me as i am. You're going to have to love me. Partic- mp luke. Evans has proposed the digitally altered body. Image bill which would require advertisers and publishers to display a logo. Whenever a person's face body has been digitally enhanced. Okay first of all. I love the idea of putting disclaimers on photos of people who have been digitally altered. I love it and honestly. I don't think we should stop there. We need to do everything. That's been digitally all like food ads. The worst every food burger looks great on tv. But then when i order it looks like fell asleep in a hot tub. But i'm glad that we're finally learning the truth about what celebrities look like no personally. I'm waiting for spongebob to join this movement. I mean no way that guy's that square naturally if you've seen not real tv show now. I'm not naive enough to think that society is gonna stop creating unrealistic beauty standards anytime soon. All right what i do. Hope is that we can bennett. Educate our kids and ourselves that our own natural bodies of beautiful except for that flap of old people skin we have no elbows. Shit is gross. I don't care who you are. It looks like a mid on both sec. But everything else is beautiful gates. He's rich he's brilliant and apparently he's out of his mind. This is a container of human feces. Why is one of the richest men in the world carrying john his own ship. I went to seattle to find out. What's wrong with bill gates mr gates. It's a huge on. Admit you just a quick question. What is wrong. I mean are you okay. Yeah great love what i'm doing. Okay so why are you carrying around your own poop in job. Why did have a beaker of human feces when i was explaining why we need a reinvented toilet. You don't need to remain a we shit and then we push a button. Then she disappears perfect. Well toilets or something. We take for granted but billions of people. Don't have them even in these growing cities in poor countries. They can't afford to build sewers and caused diseases. And so we have to come up with a very different way of taking care of that waste. And because so much of the world lacks a sanitary place to poo. Bill launched the reinvent the toilet. Challenge it fun scientist to redesign toilets. That don't need a sewer system. We put seven hundred million into this to show that it can be done which saw hanging on you put several hundred million dollars into toilets giving it away you bet. Oh my god is. Bill gates crushing his fortune. Down the toilet to find out. I flew all the way to university of south florida where professor daniel and his team are using gates funding to make some sort of magic poop box. So what we have here Essentially as a miniature version of the wastewater treatment plant and we can put this anywhere in the world in the reactor. We have microorganisms. Stay eat the poop and turned into clean water. Okay why do the microbes the to microbes to prove. Because that's what they do. You ask if they wanna do that well. Why don't you give him a muffin or something. They need like a muffin. Okay i'll make a note of that but When you showed them to prove they love it despite his crazy talk. This is something about this guy. I don't know what it is. But i trust him so i decided to give his machine a try so normally we will have a block of toilets and the Waste from the toilets. Here go into the machine and then using solar power we can turn the poopie water into clean water. So you stand by this or approve it. Okay well how many times did not work and you ended up. Drinking ship was worked so well that we're actually working with. Nasa astronauts have to poop and we can turn that poop into clean water and nutrients and even energy. Would you say energia the microbes in the reactor make methane. That's the same stuff. That's a natural gas burner. Bill gates you sneaky baston. You just found a filthy little backdoor into the most profitable industry in the world energy unicef anything about energy yeah to one way to make it cheap to process. The sewage is to sell these. Outputs should open with that next time. The open with the saving the world kids and disease the open with your one making toilets that can convert shit into energy. We need to make these toilets as expensive as possible because based on my research everyone poops everybody less. We make them super cheap. They're not going to get out to the poorest. Who need them. The most look. I know you've made your money. Some of us here are still trying to win this game. Well you have an idea. A lot of snow. I've got nothing but ideas for this. Okay so this is an ipad. Great device i love using. It was the worst seat on a plane next to the toilet. But what if every seat was a toilet poop. Howard clings to keep the plane in motion. We have to keep shit high pressure. I know but it gives the airline's incentive for the numbers work. Talk about this. It's a toilet that you should and powers a canon that shoots the shit out through my neighbor's house while you laughing. It's not legal this man. I'm just trying to save the world you doing. that's what i'm doing. no. That's what i'm doing. I'm here giving my ideas or you're doing you're shitting on. Those ideas are ready yet but we do have a lot of ideas that are in the field being tested in durban. It's trying to cover the thirty percent of their residents. that don't have a great sewage processing. We are going to completely change the future. Everybody's gonna have great toilet well. Here's to everyone having a great toilet. Now guess where that came from shit. How's it taste. That's a very successful process there. It tasted like normal water. Good job thank you bill. There's more where that came from the daily show with. Trevor noah ears addition is brought to you by rocket mortgage. We are looking for a new home. You wanna make sure it meets your needs. Can you work in the office. Can the family cook in the kitchen together. You have to know. The house fits and with rocket mortgage. You could make sure your financing works for you to get into mortgage a necessary part of the home buying process for many. But it doesn't have to be a hassle rocket mortgage gives you the tools you need to understand all your options and buy a home with certainty with industry-leading technology rocket mortgage not only offers twenty four seven access to your loan info but also tools information and expertise to help your offer compete in a crowded market if you have any questions now or along the way there. Online learning center has tons of great info. To help you move forward confidently so you need a mortgage lender that fits your life. Rocket can get started online at rocket mortgage dot com slash the daily show that's rocket mortgage dot com slash the daily show call for cost information and conditions. Equal housing lender licensed in all fifty states. Mls consumer access dot org number. Thirty thirty ransomware. It sounds like a fashion line for casual yet elegant kidnappers. But it's actually a big problem. That's only getting worse. Ransomware is a cyber attack in which hackers threatened to shut down networks or published private information unless paid a ransom department of homeland security estimates three hundred percent increase in such attacks in the past year alone with a cost of more than three hundred and fifty million dollars in ransoms ransomware in crypts of computer. Networks data to hold it hostage. And then we'll only give the digital decryption key to unlock it for a price. The average payment climbed from a few thousand dollars two twenty eighteen to more than two hundred thirty thousand dollars desperately cover their data. Some businesses have paid as much as nine hundred thirty. Five thousand dollars in ransom. They demand a ransom usually in bitcoin. A largely untraceable digital currency become such a frequent occurrence forty percent of companies in the uk with over two hundred and fifty. Employees are now stockpiling. Bitcoin in the event of an attack. Oh man this is terrible these hackers on just forcing people to pay money the forcing them to learn about bitcoin on. That's the real crime but at the same time it makes sense you know if your company gets hacked then you prepared and if you don't get hacked you can give bitcoin to your employees as christmas gifts. Happy holidays everyone. Go buy a hitman off the dark web. Yea but yes much like macho flavoring. Ransomware attacks went from something. You've never really heard of to being basically everywhere which makes sense because as the world gets more online there are more and more targets to choose from and it's not helping it's also really cheap and easy to police. scams off. Ransomware incident usually starts innocently enough. Maybe an interesting special promotion offer or an email disguised as coming from your boss but once you click on the link or download the file it can kick off a debilitating attack the barriers to entry to create ransomware. Really low hackers advertise. Do it yourself ransomware kits on the dark web. It's an incredibly detailed guide. That enables you to customize every aspect of the ransomware without ever really having to write any code yourself today. Almost anyone can get their hands on. Ransomware technology ransomware can be purchased on the deep web for as little as thirty nine dollars. Okay well that's crazy to me. You can buy ransomware for just thirty nine dollars. That's like nothing. I mean to be fair though. That's probably the version that has ads right like you can shut down america's energy infrastructure but every ten minutes you have to watch that stupid Commercial the hell is that gonna buy insurance. From an emu. A bite from a gecko facilitated like that and by the way. Am i the only one who feels that. Kinda ruins the drama of a ransomware attack. When you find out but all these guys are doing is basically just tricking someone inside the company into giving them access because like we think of hacking. What do you think of you think of the computer equivalent of tom. Cruise breaking into a building with diamond cutters and coming down from the ceiling. Wires and dodging the lasers. You know when reality. It's more like tom cruise. Just yelling at a security guard. Hey i'm yet to fix the toilet. God just waves them in and the reason this works so well is because people will click on anything i mean. Have you seen the links at the bottom of news articles. You'll never believe what the house from malcolm in the middle looks like today. I mean. I've never even seen that show. But i've read that article eight times and one of the most messed up things about these crimes is who tends to be the victims. It's not usually rich corporations because they can't afford the latest cybersecurity and the best. It guys you know talking about the guy. With the short short sleeve button downs. The ones that betty make possible shoulders so because these companies are harder to strike instead the hackers squeeze ransom out of the places that can already least afford it for years. Ransomware attacks have targeted retailers hospitals police departments utilities state and local governments. Their data held hostage until they pay up. Cash-strapped municipalities are uniquely vulnerable to this kind of ransomware attack because they're using older systems they don't keep them updated and they don't have the resources to be able to respond today. Twenty six percent of cities and counties say they fend off an attack on their networks. Every hour cyber-crooks no governments in hospitals are likely to pay because they can't afford not to. There was nothing that we could do to unlock those files. Invest option for us. Even though it was the last worst option for us was to pay the ransom. Shame men i company hackers stooping solo. That they're demanding ransom from police departments. It's disgusting. They need that money for the brutality settlements you monsters and of course a hospital has no other choice but to pay has shut down your operating room in the middle of the surgery. What are you gonna do. Send the patient home with only one of their butt. Implants put in. No the chiefs will be uneven so hackers using ransomware to cripple hospitals police departments until the companies and local governments and as a society. It's going to be chaos if all of those things crash. I mean except for the hospitals. I don't need those when it's my thomas. My tom and i'm ready unless it's my appendix. Then i need a hospital. But i mean for like major shit. You know what. I mean so because it's so major you'd think that the federal government would step in and make sure that this doesn't happen. The problem is there's actually not much the federal government can do this. Chaos left in the wake of colonial pipelines. Ransomware attack has heightened concerns about america's cyber security the energy grid water supply almost no federally mandated cyber security protections. The federal government depends on private companies improving their cyber hygiene to avoid ransomware attacks. Eighty five percent of american critical infrastructure is owned and operated by the private sector. The government has very little visibility on whether these private corporations have good cybersecurity or bad cybersecurity one of the issues as with private companies they are not required to disclose cyber attacks. That really hinders the ability for law enforcement in the government to make an informed decision and develop the best policy options that they have tried to counter this attack no country is more connected technologically than the us. That makes you more vulnerable to this kind of stuff. I mean really. The only solution is turn the switch off. I mean disconnect yourself from the internet yea disconnected from. the internet. doesn't sound so hard. I mean all you have to do. Subscribe to spectrum rillo. I get that it's difficult for the government to regulate the internal security of private companies but the ransomware cannot be to put the entire country into airplane mode. I mean no one even does that on airplanes unfortunately as of right now there's not another solution that seems workable so until there is americans might need to stop panic buying gasoline and start panic buying bitcoin. And if you don't know nine. So what exactly is the big deal about five g because you might think it's just four g. but a little bit faster but it's actually a lot faster so fast in fact that it could change the world. The new world of five g technology promises to transform our lives connecting millions of devices and enabling everything from driverless cars to smart homes up to twenty times faster than the four g. Most of us use now five lightning fast. Technology will accelerate an interconnect everything to download a to film on three g. would take about twenty six hours on four. Gb waiting six minutes and of five g. you'll be ready to watch your film in just over three and a half. Dare you could download an entire movie in three seconds. That's going to be fast. I mean we'll still spend forty five minutes trying to decide which movie to download but once we've decided will need to go to bed because we're tired but tomorrow three seconds. My friends at five g isn't just about download speeds. It's a game changer. For everything with five g you can have cities where everything communicates like doctors can perform surgeries from the other side of the world. Can you imagine a world where your videos never buffer right. Your calls never dropped. That would be amazing. Except i guess now you could never fake a call dropping with five g because that excuse is like i'm i'm losing. I'm looking breaking not breaking up. We got five g like yeah. Yeah you're right kerry grandma my grandma samuel jackson. There's no denying the technology is great. But why china and the us care so much about who makes it was the same reason they care about anything the benjamins baby when the us one the four g race earlier this decade it provided a nearly one hundred billion dollar boosts to gross domestic product and the stakes of the five g rates are even higher if the wins. It would create an estimated three million jobs and add approximately five hundred billion dollars to gdp. That's right. If america wins the five g race that could bring millions of jobs and five hundred billion dollars to the country's gdp five hundred billion dollars hard hardest. It is to get five hundred billion dollars like you'd have to marry and divorce. Jeff bezos five times. And i mean after the fourth time he'd probably catch on he'd be like i think you don't love me what music and the fight about five g isn't just about money and downloading avengers like that. No it's also about power because if you control five g you have access to everything. People are doing online. Which is everything and right now. The best five g technology is made by a chinese company called huawei and because the chinese company is chinese. Many governments trust how secure. It's going to be. Who are we may be best known to most people from making phones but it's also a leading player in building the infrastructure for all our communications critics fear that allowing it to build five g could enable the chinese state to spy on or even switch off the flow of data. We will all depend on. Imagine that if huawei becomes the leading five you provide in the world then. China can spy on everyone which is terrible. Because that's what america wants to do. And i know you judging. Well if america wants to do it then how do they point right. You want to do it i. It's like when you cut someone off in traffic and then someone else cuts in front of you like so. That was my move. But those are the stakes job money and power. And i'm not to try and boy you with all the technical details but while america is developing its own five g. China's five g is so far ahead like they're basically going to set the trends. It's like how back in the day. They used be a fight between dvd and laser disc. Yeah and if you're wondering what the hell is exactly. That's america's five g so this is a race many people already saying america has lost. Luckily and i can't believe i'm saying this. America is lucky that you have a maniac on your team who's willing to play dirty. President trump has signed an executive order banning us companies from using telecom equipment deemed to be a national security threat and that's a direct shot at china and its tech giant wa z. Us clamp down on the company goes as a major effect. The uk's biggest mobile network pulling wildly from his five g launch while three of japan's mobile operators some stop taking orders or delayed the summer release of a new while way phoned donald j mother effing trump. This guy i could see. America wasn't gonna win so he just got a crowbar and pull the tonya harding on china's five g winning straight there. Yeah the man might not know what five g. is but he does know how to mess up other people's shit going to be honest with you. I don't actually blame. Donald trump. Because i don't know how america can win this race because even if america does managed to cripple huawei in china. It's not like america will suddenly have great five g. You won't have five g overnights unless america. Just pretend that it does. At and t. is putting a fake five g logo on iphones and ipads now. The company confirmed a pc magazine that the new icons can show up when users download. Apple's latest beta version of ios twelve point two but is that really g at and t. Just changed the name for its four g. Lt invest network to five g. e. the east end's for evolution. Okay that's really sad. At and t.'s. Is going to lie and put another stick. It's like you have a smart car and then you just tape lamborghini on the side of it chicken out driving a lambo now. Zero to sixty four minutes flat butts seeing has a race. That might be lost. Eight hundred and t might be onto something here because this is considered the new space race so maybe america can win this race the same way at one the last form just fake it baby. Watch the daily show weeknights at eleven ten central on comedy central in stream full episodes anytime on paramount. Plus this is will lucas. And i'm the host of black tech green money part of the black effect podcast network on black green money. We explore insights for creating wealth. Intech media and business from those who've done it no matter what industry you're in if you consider yourself a person with career entrepreneurial ambition and you're black hispanic as view will black tech green money. We do not play. This is the compensation for us by. Five black tat. Green money on iheartradio app. Or wherever you get your podcast. This has been a comedy central podcast.

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Episode 73: Instagram makes me feel insecure

The Sex Wrap

26:50 min | 2 years ago

Episode 73: Instagram makes me feel insecure

"Welcome to the. For everything that you were too afraid to ask at home to embarrassed to ask it school or was just too hard to ask your partner. Welcome to the sex rap luck them. Everybody back to the sex wrap your here with spraying. Andrew. Hey, andrew. How are you today? I am having an awesome day. I am so excited that we are almost in summer. I don't know nothing wrong with spring. So I'm done with spring. I'm ready for summer to be here. We're talking about your name. No. I haven't agreed time. I am having a great day. I submitted all of my grades. That'll make me. I don't know how she even got me to sit down in my tear today to record because I've just been bouncing all over the place loving my life really time. And I saw video on YouTube that I shared with spring. Have you seen did you finish watching the three h three video, I dead? And it may be very upset. I mean, I guess that's the attention, but it may may have set on a very deep level. I mean so we, we have we've had a whole bunch of questions, come in that all kind of circle around this idea of, like Instagram makes me feel fat or Instagram makes me feel awful or instrument makes me insecure. Really, questions are pretty much like what can I do about Instagram, making me feel terrible about myself, and it specifically, really Instagram because it is so photo focused at is different, I think, than other forms of social media in that sense. So if you haven't seen each three three video of h three three productions we're not telling you to go watch it. There's this guy, and he's trying to make video about like the problem with Instagram, except he says, well, I'm not going to shame you shame. So. Looks like a beached whale looks like amenity looks like a twinkie says all of these terrible things, which kind of is why Instagram is a problem in the first place. Right. And so he he has pretty shaming in the video. But what's interesting in the video is how he really shows, you know, this same people what they look like on Instagram what they look like in real life. And that's really helpful. I think to see. But I think there's other like that read it for him that actually does that in a kind way, just chilling the differences without maybe it's much shame, but I think, you know, it's worth kinda googling like Instagram versus reality. I'm looking at some of those photos we can put a Lincoln the notes for today, but it's like a dot com slash ours. Lash, Instagram, reality, one, word, and all they do in the Instagram is they post pictures of like Instagram picture that usually influence someone was, like, you know, thousands or hundreds of thousands or millions of followers posts. In a picture of them the same day. So you kind of get to see what someone looks like in real life. And then you get to see this absolute insane fantasy that they present to the world. And that's really what it kind of. I mean that's what it is right? There, presenting that fantasy to the world in the big problem is, and the reason why people all of this minted the questions while you feel fat while you feel insecure. Why feel ugly while you feel no confidence is, they're not presenting a real picture. It's like comparing yourself to Princess, Ana, Elsa from frozen saying, like why don't I have is is big because they're freaking cartoon characters in. Yeah, but you but you don't look like we can't look like them though, because they're fake dead dressed up, like also for my birthday last year and went to see frozen. But, but asides. Yes. Of course, we don't actually compare ourselves to imaginary characters. And that is what we're seeing on Instagram imaginary things because these are not real photos. They're not they're very, very photoshopped quite often. And, and I think that all of us know that until gently like we have been told that in, you know, we can say, oh, yeah. Magazines in photos in magazines aren't really real like what people look like. But it's more than that, though. It's like shows on television actors actresses movies, like every single image that we see of people in the media, and now growing in social media is altered in edited in a way to make them look at wanna say they look more perfect. Most of the time when I see a picture that has no pores, or is that are so white or teeth like this looks kind of alien to me, like in my head. I force. Myself to put a little pause. I see them like whoa. And like, oh, this is alien this is not real. That's not a point of comparison other than their Photoshop artists did a great job. Yeah. But what I'm saying is that on an intellectual level, even though we can know that it is hard to remember that when you're just being flooded with it all the time, because it's almost it's almost like, how could everything be fake? And that's what it is it in face. Tune is so easy to use. You can just I mean if you want to see how easy it is. And why they're so many fakes if you have a phone with a camera on it. If you're listening to this podcast, I assume you do just download one of the apps the free ones. Upload a picture of yourself, and you can look like a toddler in TR in twenty minutes like or to monotony is. But it's not on suggesting that you should do that. But I mean when you but when you do that, you can also see, like how terrifying, you luck without like these characteristics that make you, you like without even just like you know, small lines on your face that are like how your face works like like, you couldn't wait beaming you smile or laugh or frown or scowl arresting bitch face. You're supposed to have lines that Siah face moves. I don't know if any of our listeners watch simply illogical by Christine, she is. I mean I don't watch too many tubers. Absolutely. Adore her inner channel book shutout at the end of the episode. She just didn't episode about now. There's a face tune. So she does nail arc kind of but not really. Not really. But she did this whole episode about how they is now a face. Tune for your fingernails, so people are faced tuning their face in their pictures, and then they're getting out this other app in their face tuning themselves to have perfect fingernails. It's create like I guess there's a huge market. A lot of money to be made in making people feel insecure about their face in their fingernails, in their hair on their body in their bathing suit in their clothing like all of it right now, as just looking at my fingernails, and my fingernails are always slightly pink, because of my hair may hair just gets it was as pink into my life. Now, I feel like I have to get my nails done. Crazy, how just like little things that people say, even you can work your way work their way into your head, and make you feel insecure. And so we're gonna talk about today, kind of how we can battle that how we can battle, these constant messages that we're receiving through social media through people talking about social media through even our friends, you know, commenting on things that they're saying, and some of these things are definitely not meant to make us feel bad. But as a collective they actually can really app and really cause some harm in our lives spring. And I both know that it's fake. But we both know but the messages are so loud and so in your face, like I was visiting spring a couple of weekends ago in New York City in every single police that, you look, every single place that you turn one of these beautiful. Faces fake faces fake images is staring back at you. An even if you know, it's not real. You still make that comparison. It's really I mean, how do we train ourselves to not make those kind of comparisons? It's really hard to shut off that part of your brain. Right. I mean that's not all. That is in o n we have several research studies that actually look at that process. You know, it's very natural to actually compare yourself to people around you. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but you don't want to end up feeling bad. Right. So a comparison, like I don't think you can actually stop the comparison per se. But you can change your perception of the comparison and Enya. And I mean, I, I don't know that we've even said this on the show before, but I'm in long term recovery from believe me on have struggled with a lot of body image things in my life. And I am very sensitive to these. Kind of images like just taking over and the message that is coming from them. And I have to be very careful. I feel like my life to make sure that I don't have those types of things in my feed. So when we're talking today about some of the tips, so he'll get to, like, I definitely have some crate tips for how to cure it your feed because that's all I do constantly. We need to break. We'll be right back. Guys are back. Hey, so we're gonna get into some of the things some of our suggestions for how to mitigate or kinda minimize the types of facts that social media specifically Instagram could have on your body image on your sense of self on your sense of worth on your happiness. The first thing that you can do is you can just use less social media, except for hours, stay attached to ours. If you're not ready were on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter, but you can spend less time in social media. And when you see accounts those fake pictures popping up all the time unfold, right? I mean it's a fantasy. And if you can sell yourself that this is on Anelka from Disney's frozen, not a real person that I'm looking at maybe that comparison gets a little bit easier for you, but just simply use less or when those accounts pop up hit the unfiled button. Right. They're not your friend. They have four million followers, or one hundred thousand followers. You don't matter. Yeah. And I mean, I you matter like you matter like you are worthy, but you don't matter to that other person. An I so something that I do. And I mean, I've actually done this to friends as well. You know, it is it is somebody that I know in my life that I'm following. But I see the types of images messages that they're posting an if they make me feel bad, even once I if I think, you know, that's the type of thing that person post in that's great. And they can post that type of thing. But I don't want that in my feet. I don't want that in my life. And so I have unfiled, you know, even friends that I know in that it's not anything to do with our relationship or without person or anything other than it's protecting myself in it is making sure that, you know, when is growth, Instagram, there's not going to be something making me feel bad about my body. Immediate is really important to take some time in sync about how that social media is impacting your perception of yourself something, that's I've talked about many times on our show is like practicing sell flow. Right. And we're not talking about that. We like oh you need a massage and a pedicure, spend some money to feel better about yourself. No, we're talking about affirmations, like, what can you do in your everyday life to recognize your own self worth in value? Right. And if Instagram isn't doing it for you. Why don't you find something that is going to actually help you build up your confidence? Fresher, you're gonna say, no, we're not talking about masturbation. We only say self love 'cause usually, we are. Masturbation is great. So if that's where this episode is turning, let's talk. No. But think about the things that you can do to focus on why you are worthy. Instead of why you're not words right in Instagram, all of those kind of social media accounts. They are built around trying to make you feel unworthy because they're selling a product. They're hawking a piece of clothing. They're trying to get you to buy makeup line. They're trying to get you to get a facial peel. I mean they're doing it on purpose. They're looking perfect. So you buy something so you can try to look like them. Even though the picture isn't real, the first place. And I mean so one of the things that sometimes we don't really realize how some social media could be affecting us. And so it's interesting as we have a team of interns, that work on the sex rap, and they do so many things for us, and they help us with our social media way Lum them and they just finished for the semester, so spring. Things having to do it for the past week. And that means I'm spending several hope knowing listens to this, that, I know several hours, a day at its wage of any hours, Janet's posting things for this extra up and it's actually really bit affecting me like I've and the sex. Rap account follows mostly as sexuality positive you know, kind of accounts and things. But what's been happening is in the past few days. There's been a lot of news in the media about abortion bans and about, you know, things that are, are actually pretty upsetting. And so I've been flooded with that, and so, like, there's, you know, there's all types of things that you can get just really flooded and can really take over and actually, like really affect your emotions. And so, like, win. You're confronted with anything that upsets you. For, you know, several hours a day, the that's gonna affect how you're feeling is gonna fact how you're able to show up in your life, and how you're able to respond to other people in how you're able to engage with your friends and partners, actually a whole bunch of really need a health psychology research. That shows that. Attitudes. Feelings emotions are contagious. So if you are looking at a news feed that is unhappy, or a news feed, that's always focused on perfection. Those kind of feelings emotions are infectious in they're gonna get to you over time as well. If you have people are constantly posting sad stuff in, you don't wanna be influenced constantly by side stuff. I mean, we're not talking about once in a while something, tragic happens, but the constant feed of sadness or tear or fake pictures. I mean, one of the things that unfiled like that, that's coming back to the same piece of advice you can impact, what comes into your feet, and you could make sure that what you see is going to be good for yourself. Esteem for your body for your health for your sex for your love relationships, all of those things that we talk about are influenced by these pictures that we see on social media in a media in general, you can control that stream. And I think that like actually taking some time in, like choosing may be. Hashtags that a really important to like it could be like body, positively or body neutrality. Even or I've been reading if I'm been Instagram whole body neutrality. I'm super into that. Now. You can lay and you're like what the hell you're talking about. You could find these hashtags that you like really feel like yes that inspires me and not. Yes, that makes me feel some other way like find something that actually like lights you up, and then follow accounts that are doing that, like take some time putting that effort into putting that, positively endear feet because that, that just makes it a safer place for you to go. Can we take a minute just talk about men, we don't have a ton of time left? But I think it's also really important to address men most of the time when we are talking about people feeling bad or people feeling fat or Instagram, making someone feel awful, most of the time that conversation surrounds women in Instagram influencers with their perfectly fake pictures. I think men actually have a lot of body confidence issues that come from social media as well. If you look at any kind of workout or fitness in the hashtag related there you see ten. Thousands of perfectly tanned, perfectly apt, perfectly packed bodies like they're just everywhere muscles, bulging, all of the time, those pictures are also fake. Right. And a lot of people are using legal substances, as well to enhance bodies. I mean I think that we really need to, to build up men to women. Absolutely. But men, I think that they're also getting a lot of negative messages from social media, the bodies that you see those beautiful tan muscle bodies. They are photo shopped Justice much as those faces on Instagram reality are faced tuned like whole body, too. I guess is the new Instagram. What, what can you not be insecure about for us to tell you that we need to digitally remastered before you can put it out there for public concern? But men, if you're out there in you're listening, those bodies that you see aren't real, either in it sets really crazy expectations for body. Moorefield muscle Dismore via in men where they have these expectations that going to the gym for an hour day. They're going to look like an Instagram model. Maybe but probably not in and you're good enough. You don't need to look like that. And the other part of it, I love is that if we if women are asked which bodies, they find sexiest. It's almost never those giant muscle bodies. They want anything from a fit tone body to adapt Bod, that's the range that most women find sexually attractive, not those crazy like incredible hulk. Captain america. Body. I don't even know how to describe because so we're talking about, like how these kind of looks, you know, these things aren't real. But I mean let's go back to what really matters for a person, and it is not at all. What you look like. And I know I know that we all know that. But when you think of, like, why are your five best friends in your life, a guarantee you, you're not gonna be like, oh, it's because she's pretty or because it's a lot of executives degree. That's not the reason you have people in your life like and so, like, we need to keep playing it back to, you know what's really important in. It's hard like it's actually hard to remember to do that. I know it's heart like a live in this world. And so it's, it's just like continually reminding ourselves that, like you don't need likes to be happy. I mean so I've gone through this transformation. If you look at my social media from a few years ago, I was active I was on there. I was posting pictures, myself talking about the world, and I have really stopped using it, not, not completely, but just a few minutes a couple times a week with me if I'm doing something really exciting put out a new post, but my life is better with less social media telling me that I'm not worth it, because that's the message that kept getting. I mean not for my friends, right? Not from our Instagram feed is full of, really sex positive people for this X wrap my personal when his well, but all of those, the insidious advertisements in all the other things that kind of jump in stuff, that's even harder to avoid, even if you try to curate, what you're looking at those advertisements pop in, they'll tell you. Well, this doctor tells you to give up this vegetable numbers getting, that's the but whatever it is. It's just really I'm having a better life like if I was going to give a tip less social media. Makes for a happier. You for happier meet at least out, but we're not do they take yet. We do have some tips today to a but instrument makes you feel fat because it's trying to make you feel insecure because someone's trying to sell something, whether it's the person you're looking at directly or ads in your feed, and they want you to stay in secure. Right. So it's on purpose. It's trying to make you feel less beautiful less worthy. And that's why right in it's pretty good at it too, because it hits you in the face with or in the is with it. In the way to combat. It is a recognized that it's doing it on purpose and be do things to make sure that you're mitigating that kind of damage be really thoughtful about what you follow how you follow. And how much you actually consume like spring said, she's been the person in charge of the sex rap media for the past week. And I mean it's gonna be me. So if you look at our social media against all of a sudden, it's my fault, don't follow please. It'll get back to spring in another week in, it'll be it's normal self but a talk. Let's talk about our overall tips for the day. So Andrew and I both came up with you know, a tip that we think is like the way forward here. So might as that I think I just want us to be really aware of how social media's affecting us because it could be that you have yours already curated in does like actually make you feel great. When you look at it. And so I think that actually just really observing, how it makes us feel as that first step. So I'd invite you to try this few times a week. You know, just like take a few minutes before you open social media to like write down, how you're feeling how you're feeling about yourself. Just anything free right for a few minutes. And then, you know, go ahead spend your time on Grammy. No, spend however long normally is our can just disappear in a second. I've noticed. And then, you know after he awfully take human again, to just notice and observe how you're feeling what, what things feel different better worse. And then, you know, take that opportunity to really see how it's acting you so that we can really make conscious decisions about how much we want to use it about how much we effort, we wanna put into it about how much we might wanna change or feet or do things like that as well. And that just gives you some like solid information to base this decisions on, don't just feel like oh no I know it doesn't hurt near Ono. I know mine's grade whatever, like take some time to really observe that I think a sticky note, put yourself confidence on a scale from one to ten before you start social media in scale from one to ten after you're done looking at some social media, see how you feel so much. If is kind of long. The first is something that will help everybody out there. Even if you don't feel bad, about social media viewing or Instagram doesn't make you feel worse, if you write down three different things that you like about yourself every day for a week, just little journal just jot down three ideas for week and really start occas ING on your greatness that you are excellent that you have charisma, uniqueness nerve talent. It'll start changing the way that you actually feel about yourself in the world in your position in it social media detracts from our own greatness. Right. Because we focus on other people's beauty or other people's perfection instead of our own. Your self worth is derived by you and not someone else when you start writing down the things that you like about yourself every day you start to define yourself, by the things that you find worthy instead of what other people are trying to tell you are worthy and just don't let those fake pictures be that definition of yourself, right? Someone else making profit off of urine security. You know what now right? So from this point forward look to yourself, say that I'm worthy in these of the things that like about myself and build your life off of those. That was really well, but that was mitt. Yeah. I mean I love those tips, and I feel like you know, these are real things that we can do, and they they're really important to put our time and effort into that. We create the life we want for our cells. We are at our end we have shout out today we'll include a link to her YouTube in our notes. But Christine, thank you simply illogical for sending out this great positive message if you want. Check out her most recent episode about face tune for your fingernails because that's how crazy it is yet sparkle nails. And if you have any questions for us, we would love to chat with you about them. Get yourself on the show you can call us. We have phone number. It's four one three I wrap it we have an Email. It's the sex rapid Jima dot com in you can like follow. Listen to our social media. We can't really listen to it. But you can like follow social media on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter at the sex rap. Thanks, everybody. Have a good one Pang for everything that you are too afraid to ask it home, too embarrassed to ask it school or just to the little. The music for this episode provided by the ever allusive and mysterious brake master cylinder. Sonic universe.

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Kelly Osbourne: Self-Love and Self-Sabotage

Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe

57:07 min | 2 months ago

Kelly Osbourne: Self-Love and Self-Sabotage

"Thank you for listening to this. Podcast wine production now available on apple. Podcasts podcast one spotify and anywhere else. You get your podcast. This week's off. The vine is sponsored by apartments dot com go to apartments dot com the most popular place to find a place straight talk. Get the forty five dollar unlimited talk text and data plan with no contract on america's best networks for up to fifty percent less straight talk wireless no contracts no compromise gyco go to geico dot com in fifteen minutes. You could be saving fifteen percent or more on car insurance extra money in your pocket. It just may be the most rewarding to do today pel club when you go to the pill club dot com slash vine. The pill is offering ten dollar donations to bed. Cider dot org for every off the vine listener who becomes a patient bollandbranch listeners. Get an exclusive fifteen percent off your first set of sheets with promo code vibe. Fifteen at bollandbranch dot com oxy clean. Good oxycontin dot com slash. Try me and order a free stain. Fighting sample and hyundai learn more at hyundai dot com. Hurry vinyls. I think we all know lately. We've been doing everything from home we've been working from home. We've been exercising from home schooling from home breakfast lunch and dinner ring from home wishing we were anywhere else on the planet ing from home. Hi it's me and with all this extra time or realizing how important it is to make sure our places the right place seriously. I've done a lot of thinking on my home this past year a lot. Enter apartments dot com with the most listings and powerful search tools. It's easy to find exactly what you need. Apartments dot com the most popular place to find a place all right as tax returns to look a little different this year. So when the big start trying to get you to splurge on the latest nonsense tune it out and rock out with only the best deals with straight talk wireless. You can get a samsung galaxy. S. eight fifty one for only one hundred ninety nine bucks plus get the forty five dollars. Unlimited talk text and data plan with no contract on america's best networks for up to fifty percent less. Hey everybody you're listening to kaitlyn bristowe podcast off the vine takeaway wine lots of wine tasty. Hey bombing peanut ready for the show. Everyone welcome pro. Come on because the bats begin. Welcome off the vine. I'm your host kaitlyn bristowe. Today's guest is someone who literally does not require in. Because i think that every single one of you every person in the world knows who she is whether you watched her family's reality tv show back in the early two thousands know who were rock icon. Data's or have even heard of her name before you know of her. I got to interview. Kelly freaking osborne and it was a true delight. This one was born famous and really has not known anything different but beyond that she is an extremely intelligent driven fierce and determined woman who has overcome so much living in the spotlight from day one. I'm talking negative. Press what her childhood was like how hard it was favourite or not so favorite memories from being in the spotlight her whole life battles with addiction her commitment to sobriety and how she has dealt with pop media her entire life. I'm really excited for you guys to listen to this one with the one and only kelly osbourne. You look so beautiful. And i'm like in a beanie and like no. Hey coban like in my sweats. If that's you know make upon dead people. Oh my gosh thank you. So do i always forget. Love your hair. It's incredible i'm so excited to talk to you too. And i just learned something because so my dog right here pino he. I rescued him from south korea. And your mom follows them on social media like the where we rescued him from ono way. So me and my dog did this campaign against the union. Meat festival down there whether they Kill the dogs regain then. yes regatta. Animal rescue i guess is how i ended up doing the campaign. Oh my god what a small world. That's what kind of dog is. Your dog is it the case. So i have food anti war. This is my rescue baby. Rescued beginning of the pandemic. Oh soon eighty is the sweetest thing i've ever like. She knows she's rescued. And i sleep with her every night. It's like it's crazy. Like i don't know how things start getting back to normal like it is now how i'm gonna go back to like not being with them all the time because i really attached. I know i feel like both dogs. And humans through this time have both got so attached to one another and realize the joy that they bring to their lives to that. You're like oh my gosh. I want to stay home with them all the time. Look at that sweetie and writes the same pianos. Like fifty. Five pounds leaves on my head every night. They do know the rescued like she. The craziest thing. I get up go for peanut. She comes back and she doesn't just sleep next to me. She sleeps like on top of me and she's just such she small enough to travel with. Yeah shows small enough I'm so jealous. Because they used to travel with me too and they used to travel with me all the time and then all the airlines took away emotional support animals and they just have to go to a new system Clarify yeah wait. You just changed my life. Yeah they haven't it's just you have to like each airline has their own protocol now. It's not like a blanket statement protocol and you haven't protocols will not so i know i can do american airlines with them because i did. The government issued a emotional support. Because i i didn't get it. And i was like in line wasn't lying and i i actually don't hunts auction without them now. I am i you on that. I feel like i'm the exact same way i was filming for. I think two months and they came with me for the first half and left the second. Half and i was like why are we crying every day. Why am i feeling so low. And i'm gonna. I'm gonna have my dogs beside me. And i came home and i was perfectly fine like i am one hundred percent codependent with my animals. Yeah and i. that's okay. I go to dinner and i'm not sure how i feel. Fine i just wanna you back to my dogs. I feel the same way my boyfriend. Who like was i mean. He was always a dog person but he was an attack like this. He was like those dogs are sleeping in the bed. And like this isn't gonna happen and then as soon as we had them for five days. I think i gave him the there in the bed that he's the same way he wants to. He's a he logged. Denies stops dating a guy because he wouldn't let the dogs in the room. And i might know. That's i mean that's a red flag. Come to i totally feel that Congrats on your new podcasts. I know that you have been making your rounds. Are you loving the podcast life. I think the community is really also. I'm really honored to be a problem. It now. i like so everyone supports each other. It's really nice i agree. That's that's a good point. I feel like it is a very supportive community. And what i think is awesome about it. Is that the reason is like you create your own little world or in your boss at checkout whenever they want to and you know podcast only walk because of the fan base. Otherwise it's not like you can put tons of adverti- advertising money behind it and then people might not say a you either have it or you go and so airy world to enter income too because people don't wanna podcast is going to pick up on. I think we've seen especially in the last six months. A bunch of people come out with on costs and they have just disappeared. Yeah i it's so interesting though because people really have to connect with you because they're listening to your conversation. And i feel like especially when i mean things are starting to go back but people aren't commuting as much as they used to and people but people are also creating community connection right now. So it's it's definitely an interesting time to have a podcast. But i mean i am going to listen to you all the time and i feel like you've first of all you've been in entertainment for so long in your life you're an icon to like me and my friends growing up even and i mean the show. The osbournes is like the first people that did the reality. Tv show the originals. It was definitely defer and definitely. We had to be a part of that whole world. Because i was just trying to figure out who i was trying to be myself Just kept getting more. And more scrutinized and every single thing that i totally went in would and got lost for awhile and yeah i mean to me that makes sense because i went on. Tv on the bachelor. I was like a thirty year old woman and got lost and like had to navigate my way through that. And having everybody's opinion now you're on a much different scale and from the second you were born. You're born into fame and the public eye and i feel like anyone that is going into that. I feel mostly your experience in mind because mine didn't set up. Do you know what i'm saying. They put you into situations. Tv shows like that without zero preparation or Standing of what's going on and we as women when a guy involved get real territorial because it goes back to that natural animalistic sense of bike. That's my territory. Optus known it and yes it. It's like i find myself doing not in my relationship now on a why am i doing this all thing. I'd ever been in and be down for ray. I used to have to be and i'm carrying it onto this relationship and it's like no not doing that. Well i mean when you when you live a certain way your whole life. It's going to take a certain period of time to change that way of thinking. I mean i was just at my therapist office this morning talking to her about this about how. I've changed so much in the last eight years from doing therapy. And and i mean still suffer from so many things but working on myself in through that i've learned so much about myself but still have the same patterns that i go back to in relationships in family things. That still is still barrett. Something you constantly have to work on and remind yourself every single day and breaking those patents can be really really hot will next to impossible all myself knowing. I'm in it in the moment. i'm like i'm in. I'm in and out because you fell down the rabbit hole of another. I'm totally in a rabbit hole right now. One person said to me that was so me and even though they apologized. And i know that they're sorry. The damage is done and take me at least a day to combat from it like you. I don't know if you can tell crying like i just cheap relitigate. I feel that won't okay. Have you done any sort of you in like personality tests or do you know about. I know all about it. Because i've got to be something wrong with me. I have to have a personality soda. I've gone through like every single. What attachment and it whether it site booth align dual personalities so to every single one. I have might do. I have it. Do i have a voice. I stop looking for a disorder door disorder. Is you are mike. Yes yes yeah. Yeah i have those moments. I had one of those today to the overall. Yeah okay but i mean. I'm going to show you the picture. I took out my therapist office this morning. Because when i get in these things that we all do it's like there's there's eight core feelings. Yeah you read any. Pm melody note. should i quite yet. So she breaks down the feelings and the ways to communicate. So there's like facing depended. See this like there's different chapters in books. I a different Areas books focused on the way. Did she breaks it down. I always find to be the most like i. It stinks in. Yes anything's broken down for me all the time so that would help me. I love her. Like i'm going to write that one down. Actually i'm sure my her name's mini we call our mini. She's the podcast produced by his name as many really know many I am talking to dog from the show much. I add after which also my eyes were. Oh i think you said from a specific shows. I know so. She's named after. Benny snell i i. Didn't we also have a dog named paul and he's like yeah. Mike needs naming children. After i talk. He's i loved it so watch and then i like well if i can't i probably do the same thing too. I mean if i did. I'd have to kid's name brahmin piano piano. Who for a kid. Pino like what if he is my kid coke. I feel like i love them that much. Though that i get that i it was i might. I might think about it. It's it's so interesting though. Just y- you're the same way you're very self aware of your emotions and how you're feeling a certain situation but you don't hold them back and that's very much like myself as well because i always tell everyone it's so important to like acknowledged that may be what you're thinking feels like you're crazy. Maybe how you're feeling you know when you're in it and you're already in the rabbit hole but like to feel your feelings and be honest about. It is one of the most beautiful things. I think that you could do in in life is feel them so i like that. I'm glad you find it useful. I find and it was form all by problems. Because i hate the league because you happy. I don't deserve it when i i'm self sabotage i do. I am like the queen of south sabotaging. Like i have to like really like stop myself from from doing Okay so i have this rule. I i don't know if you've learned about likes the brain and how it works when you are up in heightened like central In that haired way of thinking the has buying so when your central nervous system is high because your emotional you think with your limbic brain like like instant response to protect. The wolves are open. You're just you're just attacking style of And you when your thinking from centered place. You're thinking from the frontal cortex rain so i'm always because of like my poss- trauma in life and like just a childhood ahead and everything. My my brain instantly goes to the olympics. All the time and i i mean like of flight mode which is horrible place to be in so i do now where i'm like. Okay two outs a to our timer on myself. I am not addressing anything for two hours. His two hours. I know because i such bad. Adhd and i'm so hybrid constitutes. Dylan i go into a million little thoughts and mike. I took so far at nine. I'm annoying. I get it but like i trust me. It's a lot because i'm gonna goal. That wakes up on my where. Those speech me until i had my coffee you. I'm that way. Yeah so we go to the two time things can be come to in a place where i can never be angry or raise my voice or say something that i haven't thought out because that's where i get in trouble because i am impulsive. I wanna lower skill number. I'm also impulsive. Where with same thing with my boyfriend. I'll wake up. And i'm literally like he's he's that he's like let's go. What do we do today. Check the checklist in bullet. And i'm always like. I need to ease into my day but also impulsive with my feeling so i need to set a two hour timer our time traffic. Can i really helps me. And mike no one told me to do. It's something that. I have just learned through trial and error. That is not good to me to address things. When i not in a good place to talk about it because i will ramble and it like i get myself into. A tizzy is terrible. 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It sounds like in a way where you want to just stay true to yourself through it all when you get grew up in chaos you go one way or nothing and you spiral into a personality disorder or drug addiction or whatever it may be and i got all of ink share the via. I got the drug addiction. Alcoholism like all of it. The whole kit and caboodle. Like i am the cliche. It's just you get one shot. Yeah you get one shot in my. And i hold onto facts so i become seconds. The only thing bit israel so insane and you never know what's going to happen tomorrow and you know what when you die. You can't take anything with you so you get one shot instead. So i'm one of those people that holds onto facts so when somebody tries to rewrite the truth to me. That is a huge trigger. Any can send me crazy right now. That i'm really trying to work on this. I am always a big factor person. Because you like you said that's a good way of putting it's the one thing that's real. It's the one thing you can count on is a fact why i love watching my crime scene analysis shows because it's real. It's not that how you read out night. You get it all obsessed with like what would you do so committed modi's like we tricks psychopaths it like that sh- crazier days so that this now i have been doing. I'm thirty six now. I've been in the world of tv and entertainment since i was fifteen years old enough. You know it started. When i was twelve but i was really in it at fifteen and everyone said it would only fifteen minutes while i'm here and it's become of people who book my watch my tv shows by my products. It's an. I never ever want to lie to that if somebody is leaving in me because of my journey surprise he or whatever it may be. I'm allowed to change my mind. Because i'm human but i'm never ever gonna lie about where i am at because i think it's unfair to the people then. You're just a conscious. I appreciate that. I think that's something that i appreciate when i see it in others and that's something that i tried to do from coming off bachelor world i was like i'm probably going to piss people off. I'm probably going to love me or hate me. I'm going to be one of those people. But like i wanted to evil people either. Love me or a a and okay. Not ruffle people's feathers. Does it makes you wonder what is it about that. That's no true. You'd like to dig into them and who they are. But i was just remember kurt cobaine saying that he would rather be hated for who he was in love for somebody that he wasn't and that's always stuck with me and i was like i'm going to live by because i just loved that that quote and that like way of living so much that it stuck with me for so long and i feel like you're kind of the same way and i mean there's so many there are so many people that love you and because of your honesty and because of how you're so open with everything but you've dealt with such a lifetime of negative and i remember hearing you settings on dax shepard's podcast about the. There's so many things that people could hated you for but you said the number one thing was always because of your weight and i think still to this day people you know obviously will forever struggle with body image. Dismore fiennes in certain things like that. I have no idea to think i was crying about. Is that somebody i really care about. Fashions me oh. And i was decide. Wait we don't like we're friends and all but like you don't have the get to talk to me. About what food i e and what i don't because you have no idea what you have destroyed yes and having to break get down to somebody who like has been like skinny and perfect. Their whole lives is i night. That doesn't have food issue is like i. Might you have no idea what you just said. You have no idea here it it like you said triggers such a triggering thing. There's so many things how. I went through this one year disgusting. You do not deserve food. I wait whole thing of it and it's like and even though they apologize anywhere mean. She's never just never occurred to her. But yeah i mean it doesn't have to be intentional. It wasn't intentional. But it still has that impact on you. That's gonna make you go to a dark place. I think it might have been intentional. I just didn't think she thought it would as not a that's even worse. I know it scares me. If people can intentionally trigger somebody like that it was no it did the behind it was. I don't think okay and she's trying to straighten rain. Okay okay until awful. But i own my god like after going through relapse starting to feel good again and now via might no more my maurice. I mean that's that's the thing though. Is that with triggers. Is they can just send you backwards so quickly or something. Someone can say one thing in like you said no some. Some people don't understand that. Yeah so that's one of the things that i'm really learning right now is that i signed myself out. Could you mo- cognitive therapies. That i can learn how to retrain my thought patterns and mike stop it before it gets through back place of no return. The it's so interesting that that's still happening in this. I mean. I don't think it'll ever go away but it's still such a thing as that. I'm nervous to go back on tv. Because i know everything will be focused on my looks. It won't be the empowering stuff i'm doing. Why is it every obstacle ever read online. Is that just say. Obey kelly thirty six years old. Why is women. Do you need to put our ages on that but for men. You do not do that like why. That's one thing. Okay i can tell by your bowl set net at least seventy five. Why don't we encourage missouri. Why hollywood movie star but why is it. what like. Don't these people feel so much. Shame writing these articles are doing these things. When we're we're living in a time where i feel like people are talking more about mental health and like shaming suffered magazines are still driving that message into our brains of what bodies should look like what age we should look at every people. Tell me all the time. I was on tv. When i was twenty nine. When i was on the bachelor than thirty now i'm turning thirty six next month and everyone's like oh you look older. You look different. They expect me to look the same. As when i did when i was twenty nine. I have the flip side of where everyone still thinks. I'm saying gene right. Everyone that like like. I get patted by people who are older job. Sweetie what am i what am i so we your people see me as a kid might which has its all other a whole other side of problems because then people probably curiously in some things like i case. I know one of the things that i do is i do. Scratch cross my friend video at once a week and mike. We have traditions in what we do. If we get things. I can most of the time of his a big amount of money donated and so i went to go by distraction. Laws had no opponents. Wet pads on my hair in pigtails. They can i. I was like just kind of tie announced that every day. Those are the people that are going to get your business. I'd go right back to that spot to hang onto do and they see your neighbor. They're like oh well okay so no. That's what's happening right now. Because my id expired. Before i got my fat sure ee and started losing weight. So a don't look like me. Let you like me like this. They look at it and they look at me. Look at it. It's made a way. And then they go into congratulations on my community. Go thank you. where did you go through that surgery. Two thousand eighteen was it hard surgery to do Or was the recovery. Okay so the hall process is a complete life change. So i did one year thera yet before because i wanted to get myself into. I have eating issues. So i've binged or i go at all so i have to be real careful so i had to make sure that going into this. I was really in place of knowing. I could never been again. It's impossible to bench if you do get really sick. And you don't eat the right amount of proteins as it is to be very vigilant. It's gonna look but it resets everything in your body in a way so when you go and you do it if you go to a good place. There's all sorts of protocols. I cannot see me the nutritionist. And then you have vast therapist that you have currency and then you have a support group that of the people that are going to surgery around the same time as you so that you have people. Is this working view. Is that in eleven views of the people that go through to. 'cause it's it's so far for making no you go from being able to eat however much whatever you want whenever you want to buy small otherwise your stomach stretch like you can't drink if you have. This surgery can't be a big drinker. In whole alcohol differently you metabolize it. Different and i let that the always learned the ave. But it's great to know because i know can't drink anymore. I julie die by my stomach would stretch. I get really sick. Like i have friends. That did the surgery had a drinking problem. Continue drinking middle ridge. Slow my script. Yeah there's no inbetween area. You have to stay in this line. You have to stay in his lane you have to do all you gain it all back again. Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah and you don't do things that were in your stomach lining and the hormones that they out that would help you weigh while like that so it is a serious decision you have to make. But it's the best decision i ever made. Because i am three from my obsession with wanting to sell suit with food constantly i mean i have added that the constant of it. It's life changing. Thank you you've no idea what a gift that was to me. And then you sh- now house traeger from it and feel like a set back you're like. Oh shucks yet see feel like defeated almost like what did i do yeah. That's i'm so sorry that happened to you especially today. I'm sorry that you have to be on just like every and they have no idea but so are you in a place without friend where you could say like. I just cried for two. This is a hard line design. Your loved About food again yet. Okay good i love your boundaries Nokia With good that you never thought to me about at one of my best friends. Her name's laura. And i used to work with her before. I even went on the bachelor. Because i loved what she was doing and she started. This program called raw beauty talks and it's one of my favorite accounts to follow on instagram. Because as you're scrolling and you know seeing everybody's bestself Just a nice refresh of realness and it celebrates all women's bodies shapes colors sizes everything and she has like Like a whole nonprofit organization and she hosts seminars. And i've worked with her a few times. And i'm doing like a twelve week reset with her. Were it's not like limiting food and it's not it's like a Being in tune with your body and how things make you feel. Her account is just so wonderful. I feel like you would enjoy following up the snow interesting because when you have this surgery you really love. Your food allergies has off. eat it. stop sneezing. it's really really you know what you're like. Intolerances are yet every day. I keep a little bit of writes things. That i might. I think this makes me sneeze. I think this interesting that worked for me like red meat now caught eatery. So your body's naturally just telling you what's makes it feel unit working and what is not an nights like me. I can't eat soy because it just makes me like completely Feel any and give me a headache and processing us. Is that like the number. One is brad o'reilly Stop sneezing what if it's like Then you haven't tried should try gooch shits true. It's like like cardboard can japan. Yeah that's true in unite. I'm still very ill that right now. I'm gonna press locate illu who i love. I used to live in germany. I love a good pretzel but as like the little l like the little snap. We one that likes. I'm obsessed with our good and it doesn't affect your stomach. No oh good. It's actually quite soothing. That's that's actually kind of a nice you know that's probably another part of why this was so life changing for you to have that surgery is because it's giving you a better relationship with food to know what makes you feel good and what doesn't and that's such a good mindset for for thinking that way while eating. Yeah and it's interesting because it or miss the conflict of scientific project. Because i want to try things to see i would do the same thing i'd wanna know are we'll get back to that in a moment. I don't know about you. But i'm feeling more ready than ever to get on the road and see something new miss the good old days of my off the vine tour. I think all the time. So if you're looking to get back out there. There really is no better way to do it. Than in all new hyundai tucson hyundai question everything to create their new tucson. 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Come on start the year on a high note and tune. Out the nonsense and tune into straight talk. Wireless straight talk wireless. No contract no compromise. And what do they talk about. All of this like realness on your podcast. Like tell me more about your podcast. Honestly like dishes. How until i love us was about my realtor. Yeah because had a bump in the road we have to go record everything. Because it didn't pertain and i didn't want to be dishonest. And not just thought we're acting is our what stopped worrying to be honest with you. We want it. Our motto is what you call freaks. We call family. Everybody is welcome all audible. You always talk about what's been going on are funny stories together. 'cause jess and i have a twenty year friendship and it's you know and and the thing is him and i we. We realize this low cost. We couldn't be more different human like the way that we influence each other's lives is crazy like he went from being a long island. Guido who was total like straight rick. Food did not understand mike because he'd never been exposed to it me coming in completely changing everything and making all about equality and desires to thatch. And he's the one okay. My eyes like going back to health and fitness and mind body and soul. We kind of always at peaking each other where we fall so the first episode we did about relapse and you know addiction. In general that the next one is about weight loss dietary stuff that we went with that but all of these topics what we're trying out china major topics. These are topics that we want to go. Back to on later episodes a really dissect with different people that it also involves different seventy guests who have been through what we've been there and then we also wanna have fun said the episode. I think the next episode redoing is. I don't have to talk. I think bryce is coming on to teach me a really big tiktok guy as joe to teach me how to what tiktok and teach me some of the dances to see him. You good idea so it just seems like it kicks off so i'm excited to do that. And so there's all different things. I get entertainment health wellness but nothing is off limits and we want to be placed where you call them like once a week to escape your life impending doom. Yes you know like to laugh for forty five minutes while you driving somewhere not having to think about hiking family or and not feeling judged at the same time like judge my looking for similarities differences in And that something that. I think he's really important right now because he will be our lives. Have not one person unless you come from some sort of tribe and amazon that never been seen by modern civilization has been affected by this right so insane. Everybody's lives got fit to you. Know buckle down figure out how to to exist in this new way where everything we knew. Knew how do the comfort and poor. And bob has been taken away from us. Yeah that's to be around other humor v. that's i think that's why putting is so great right now too because you're saying like in twenty years of friendship you've had with jeff naive podcasts. He went out. Have you like i mean. I'm sure there's been times but you just sit down and talk about important things together and realizes you're similarities and differences and and how you can help other people how other people help you. Brown are problems. There you go. That's that ain't family. I don't know what is that. Like our common ground or pointless you have the same the same issues. Row not entirely but very I always know when he is rolling. He was knows one on one. Repick each other back up again. It's you know what. I'd like so much about this holocaust so far in the one week that it's been out is the way i've been able to reconnect with my friend. Yes oh yes and like you know. I really feel like this of cool is there and it's Yet because you have some royal people out there and so they're going to be so invested in the and i am equally as today. Is there for me and it is so it's so great. Yeah that's that is a nice way for you to show your loyalty to them. I like that. That's what is the podcast called. Where can people find it on what days so the podcast is kelly one inject beach show and it comes out every tuesday and you can find Ever you stream your costs or whether it apple spotify we also have it on youtube. It's it everywhere. Cost one is who family is there. And they're credible that's they are the best and the team is great and it's so nice to work with people who are excited to work with you every week. Okay so i just want to say one thing about the across the bills every month and their dog is trying to do. Cloud cost right now. Unless you don't wanna fulltime job. Do not do that yes they go. It is a fulltime job. Not just something you do so that you can feign track. It is full-time jobs. It is about what fans it is about connecting with them is about building your on it about its streaming family. Yes yes you have to listen to everything they wanted here. And i go and read everything i had been taking notes and mike really like paying attention banking people like i'm loving it so you don't wanna do that and you don't want to be there for the people who are listening to do not do a called 'cause i could not agree more but i feel like that's why those people fade out is because if they're not invested in it at loving it and connecting with fans and giving back in listening to feedback in thanking people like if you're not doing that hard work your podcast isn't going to work and you have to love doing it to make it work exactly and i love it. Yes that's it shows in that. I mean it shows in your hard work that you say it's not easy. It's because you love doing it and you're putting in all of your effort and passionate into like okay so people that you just go on for one hour. Unusual connecticut goes out now. You have the filming of it. You have so that you have to make sure the filming sinks to the audio you have to edit it then you have to approve yet. It's make sure that nothing is going to upset anyone. awful that you're not going to be misunderstood than it gets to get approved by me and jack and by that time that Doing all of that simultaneously we're booking inclining writing the strip to the naked. Release your constant for you. You're on top of it and then you have to post and you're just like oh my god no. It is a fulltime job. It really is. It's that's new podcast. When definitely helps. But it's still a fulltime job. It is any annoys me because all these people. Everyone's do approximate but on day or they just list recording themselves. Talk for an aaron hoping that people were cat realize well that it side it takes a minute to build up the fan base. get his. they won't be popovich. It an instance no takes. I've been doing it for about four years and it takes time to build it and it's so rewarding though it's so rewarding plot to building that's my favorite product will event. I love it good for you. I love it. I'm i'm excited for you. Because i think just from seeing the passion in hearing you talk about it. I think it's going to be an incredible podcast in for people who don't know jeff it was you my dogs usually after one hour. They're usually like okay. That's enough Jeff is your of twenty years. How would other people know jess okay. No jeff feature is the world's the world's greatest showman jack an early so he started out in the world of comedy. Any the biggest comedy show on broadway then took it around american. It was traveling tore. And then i came on as a creative director and took it an elevated it and brought in different kinds of acts like vicky box is one of my favorites and amazon ashley diversified. It we have dragged cleans. the we've also variety and we went to the theater in roosevelt. And that's what we record the fun cost and yet we had the biggest theatre club in. He hates it. When i say phaser in in hollywood and it was called beaches mad house and it was the craziest thing at. I can't even you just do your own research on it and just see the mandates that it was mind blown by it is crazy. I created director. So i did the lighting design. I did everything in there with jazz. An awesome and so jack was the showman and it was just like a pet project. Chief rare and mr thought was my friend like it was just an amazing experience and then we went to vegas and vegas was too much so i would only deepen it out when the show needed to change or there was a problem. I wasn't daryl. This time i didn't want to live in vegas. It wasn't me. It's not a lifestyle that i could so then when we came back to la 'em we did the club everything which theater. Sorry it just crazy. It was the biggest. I i can't even like. We did this toll thing where everyone has to put together a list of everybody who went and that let's go to johns. We started to put together. Listen to people who didn't go and we got one name on the kitty gillick. Didn't leonardo dicaprio like the decapitate jagged. Jack nicholson poet. Grab every major name post malone did one of his i like secret performances before he was ever way when we had so many acts tommy in that like people didn't know that tendency that's incredible that's that must be wild to look back on that i can describe it to people who don't understand is that we would the modern day version of studio fifty four here now okay. That's a good way to paint a picture and then lasting. I mean i feel like. I could talk to you all day but last thing before is i always make my guests have a confession something that you want to tell me that you may be embarrassed about a ira good. I sucked my thumb. Until i was like i wanna say eighteen new yet and what made me stop was okay. So they even put the contractions in your mouth pies employ him out and the mid second. Yeah i was. I went through a a red light and the traffic light went off and captured a picture of me and it came through. I was talking my thumb and everyone needs so much wanted meet breaks my heart a little bit. Look so cute. That's actually really good confession. When i think about it because i thought to be like till eight teen eighteen. Oh really such a comfort thing to you though like i had ranking talk my father was just like it was comforting to me. Know my one of my friends here national. She's a trainer and she was in. She was a marine it for nine years and she just one of the most bad people i know and she still lives with her blankie named blueberry as you know we all have something that little. My brother has a teddy bestseller but the bedside table. But it's the one he's had since he was i. I always get worried for people that they're going to lose that. One dog to keep working downstairs abate in his mouth. World was eddie. I mean my family. His private jets to pick up that bag. H oh my gosh. That's a cool story in itself. Edison the pj. Get the teddy. Let's go all ended by telling you my confession. Is that when. I get really nervous. I get nervous poops in. I had that before coming on with you. And i never get nervous. Podcastone it's true. I never u. s. my guess producer. I'm never coming. This is a big deal. You should have been you. Stop much being i'm cool. I am pleased if i make one and send it to only wear a done. I am one thousand. I sent making preval. I can't even think of a better way to end as you are such a delight in so it's just so refreshing to talk to you and i love honest people and i just like i said i could talk to you for another two hours. So thank you for your time i really. I know you're somebody so much for having me. I go across. I hope that you were david comeback online. I would have the nervous poops before. I do it every day. So you know. I have to know everything i and i'm like you. I'm a complete open book. I'll talk about anything. So i am so down but again with you. Honestly it was awesome things. Nice to meet you and thank you again in all. Come on yours whenever you want me every tuesday. Check out yes. I'll put a link also on my instagram. For people to find your podcast. Thank you so much. I did some fee. Of course okay now. i'm. I hope you're you're a couple of hours is turned around. Better really did thing. Okay okay good. I'll talk to you soon. Okay bye. I'll see you next tuesday. Thanks for listening. To off the vine with kaitlyn bristowe get new episodes every tuesday exclusively on podcast one dot com the podcast one app and subscribe on apple. Podcasts hi everybody this. Is julie christly inviting you to listen to our podcast. Christly confessions on the podcast. One network each week we play listener voicemails and offer advice suggestions and opinions based on our own life experiences also listening to get the latest updates on all things. Christly new episodes every wednesday on podcast. One apple podcasts spotify and amazon music. It's that time bhadra asked asked if you own or rent your own home. I know you do. I know it can be hard work. And i'm here to tell you what's easy bundling policies with though gyco may sit easy to bundle your homeowner's or renter's insurance along with your auto policy which is a good thing because we all know you have so much to do around your home so go to geico dot com. Get a quote and see how much you could save. It's guy paul easy. Visit geico dot com. Today that's geiko dot com when your entire life is online. You need more than just speed from your internet extending gives you reliable in home wifi coverage plus protection from wi fi network threats. Checkout are amazing. Offers on extending internet. 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411: Breaking the Invisible Corset & Connecting to Your Body With Lauren Geertsen

The Wellness Mama Podcast

42:56 min | 6 months ago

411: Breaking the Invisible Corset & Connecting to Your Body With Lauren Geertsen

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Today's episode is about the invisible course that learning how to connect with our bodies from a place of love vs a place of fear. Here with lauren. Gerston who's the author of the invisible. Corset break free from beauty culture and embrace your radiant self. She's a body connection coach. Who's done a lot of work in research and coaching related to helping. Women heal their relationship with food and body image and we go deep on this today. How certain body practices and images are really psychologically harming women how can recognize and change these things and how we can help our children start life with a much better perception of their own bodies a much better relationship with their own bodies. So let's join lauren. Lauren welcome thanks for being here. Thank you so much. Katy excited to be chatting with you. This is such an important topic. And i think one that is probably going to have a lot of implications for a lot of our listeners. I know that you have a book coming out about this. Probably coming out right about the time. People are listening to this. And i want to start kind of broad and there are so many directions. We can go with this topic to line up with the name of your book. Explain to us. What is the invisible corset. So it is a set of culturally inherited beliefs that basically women as restricted and physically uncomfortable in our bodies as whalebone corsets once did and so we've had women's liberation where we've we've gotten the vote we've got equal educational opportunities. We taken off these physical core sets but this is like the one big piece that still holding women. Back through our own internalized oppression. Basically because we don't see these beliefs were acting unconsciously from them and it gets in the way of women's health in terms of first cutting us off from our own intuition. It profoundly disconnects us from our bodies. Wisdom leads us to do Body practices in the name of beauty as well and kind of finally but also very importantly it really prevents us from knowing what true self expression is when it comes to you choices with our appearance because we end up making a lot of choices out of fear and inadequacy and a a sense of shame about her natural bodies instead of saying our bodies as our soulmates and are basically our first. Most enduring soulmates in being able to truly express ourselves with either beauty products and beauty practices or the lack thereof. That's really really interesting. So i love that you brought up the idea of body harming practices and i think maybe that'll bring to mind some probably extreme examples for a lot of people listening but from what i know of your work. There's a lot of also much more subtle things that people may not even associate with this so walk us through some examples of that some of the ways that this idea that invisible corset is harming women directly so one big piece is fear of are not appearance so i work with a lot of women and also women in in my audience on social media. Who are made of their aging process. And they'd start to get preventative. Boat talks at age twenty. Five for example or use. Very expensive anti-aging creams and products and procedures. Because they're afraid of their bodies showing essentially the truth of their life and the story of their life. Now this is what i call age. Dismore via body does. Morpheus is term. And it's basically where we obsess and fear about normal manifestations of the human body that cellulite or around a ballet things like that. Now we have aged this mark yet. Which is this deep seated unconscious. Fear of our bodies telling the truth of our age and that you know that fear itself leads to more of these explicit body harming practices like injecting are toxins into our face and freezing our facial muscles but also that fear itself is a body harming mechanism. Does that make sense. That fear puts us into the fight or flight state of our nervous system. It makes us feel unsafe and chronically unworthy unworthy at which has huge repercussions in every aspect of her life. So you know we also have fear of natural Like late that's been exploited this natural manifestation of the human body we've been taught to see with the're Skin issues I struggled with acne throughout my whole life. My whole adult life. And i realized that i was saying that through the lens of feared inadequacy rather than just seeing it as a normal expression of human body so that fear itself is a major body harming practice and one of the five strings of the invisible court. Set that i explained in the book one of those invisible mindsets and beliefs that we don't see. So what if you don't mind walking us through. What are the other strings. Of course. i loved the symbolism and the Like just having that as a concept through yes so it is fear and then the second one is domination so in the book i go through a history lesson that most of us are aware of where kind of pre agriculture time in the early goddess worshipping societies that were across the globe at there was much more of a mindset of partnership with the earth which also led to a concept of partnership with our bodies and listening in connection kind of a oneness with ourselves and with other people in our environment. And we're not taught this in school. We don't know that this was our lineage. And that we actually as a global coulter transitioned more into a domination based society where we saw beyond to see the world and therefore our bodies through a lens of hierarchy and control. So that's a big piece and then the other screen the next string is disconnection which is basically being cut off from our intuition our six cents in a talk about this in the book and all ancient cultures humans had another way of with each other with nature by basically the subtle energy right that we as a culture half forgotten but in all ancient cultures they had a word for the subtle energy it was as universal concept as like mother or father or brother or sister as those concepts were so. It's really important that we can kind of reconnect to that universal energetic language through which our body communicates with us through our body communicates with nature. Talk about my experience being a plant. Intuitive in this chapter Somebody who can basically hear the energetic communication of plants and flowers and the next stream is mechanization and again we need to do kind of history lesson here which is how western culture through the beginning of christianity and how that mindset was what led to our our current scientific paradigms and how that paradigm is based on a reductionist materialistic view of nature which leads us to see our our earth machine there for our body as a machine and it's really been quite indoctrinated through century so these are beliefs that we we really have to do a deep dive to recognize deter. See the water that we're swimming in there. And then the next string is coercion and this is basically rain washing or mind control. It's a nice word for that and women especially have to recognize the coercion. That's at play from the beauty industry. How we've been indoctrinated to make choices about our bodies and our appearance that don't reflect our best interests but reflect the best interest of the beauty industry and then we actually are so brainwashed that we say that we're doing it for ourselves or we say oh no. I'm doing this for me. This is my choice when in fact we have been mentally manipulated into making those choices. Does that all make sense. Does so i wonder at the core of this too. I wonder how do we start to begin to unravel and separate like the idea of fear vs love because in some ways i feel like they could in some cases lead to the same action so like at the core this mindset shift in an awareness versus necessarily an action shift like i obviously incentives like you mentioned talks that can be both physically and psychologically harmful that would be an action ship but one might choose to eat really nourishing foods and to get enough sleep out of love for oneself and those things also do help the body to look and feel. It's best but one might also like deprive the body of food to try to lose weight to look a certain way so like is there a mindset shift here that president as far as like the loving oneself versus fear that could still have some of the same actions involved absolutely. That's such a great question and you know one common question. I get a lot on. Social media is regarding beauty practices and things like makeup and hair products can be used as a love rather than fear and that. It's absolutely the case. Might give examples of like dita von or What's that southern blonde singer with the big hair the makeup. I forget her name. But she's just a just a bright light but those women are using makeup and big hair as a form of self expression and and that really is evident to me. When i when i read their energy or see them on screen. It's coming from a sense of love and a sense of. I know who i am. So that's really important. That i want to explain up front is like beauty. Products are neutral most the time when they're not inherently body arming like plastic surgery and they can be used either as a form of self repression and that would be coming from fear or they can be a form of self expression which coming from laugh. And so the key here is to to find out what is true for us to be able to express our true selves. We actually have to do the mental work of understanding and discovering her true salts. And that's kind of the mental practices. That i offer in this book. I offer very specific brain rewiring practices and journaling practices to help people do that work So very concrete action steps to do this. Uh self-reflection work and at the end. You will have an idea of who is my true self outside of the brainwashing of the beauty industry and be able to express that true self and then of course there are. You know. Love is an action. That's something i talk about in the book to so when we talk about what does it mean to love your body. It does not mean you look in the mirror and you approve of your appearance absolutely a very shallow definition. Like if we're talking about a spouse true love for a spouse is not you look at them and you think oh. I completely approve of your appearance in. You are so beautiful and now love is an action it is. How are you communicating with them. How are you showing up with them. How are you setting boundaries for yourself love as an action and so the same thing comes into play in the relationship with our body you know. How are we making choices where we are truly listening to our body. We're we're making long term life choices that reflect the body partnership what our body wants as well and i give specific tools in the book for how to do that how to how to listen to your body like a life partner. Yeah that seems a great place to start with that work. And i don't. I don't think i've really thought of some of these points. In relation to the beauty industry. So much i've thought of them somewhat in relation to like weight and body image in that sense and that was something that i struggled with for many many years and i learned over a lot of time in a lot of trial and mostly error that i had to start with the mindset and the inner work not the outer work and that when i addressed it from that perspective the physical chefs became almost effortless. And they were no longer fight but i had to learn the lessons of the mindset and self love i so in other words i had this kind of story in my head that if only i could lose weight or look certainly look like i did before having kids then i would be happy and i had to realize that i was. I had the power in that moment to connect with my body and appreciate it and like so. You're not just love it but have a solid relationship with it and still have a desire to always improve things and to get stronger or to get healthier but to like except in love the things that were the reality right now and it totally shifted my perception and then i was able to easily choose habits. That nourish my body versus feeling like i needed to fight it or private and it completely transformed my relationship not just with myself internally but my own body physically then i loved that you're bringing awareness of this from a beauty perspective as well because i know not all women struggle with their weight and i hope that many don't but that the beauty perceptions these seem to be like almost universally targeted at all women and they seem to intensify as women age and certainly now. I'm seeing these things targeted. Even as women who are not i would consider aging at all yet. Women in their twenty like human getting botox What are some of the other examples of ways that we're seeing this in the beauty industry really targeting that marketing against aging. Well first of all. I love a love here near personal experience of how you shifted more from this kind of fear based motivation with body. It sounded like the sense of not enough. So i have to change into what i talked about with my clients which is love based motivation. Right where where it is coming from a sense of worthiness in annapolis and the other piece that you said where you reflected on how you he would be happier if you looked different or if you weighed less like that is one of the biggest signs of the invisible core. Set this concept and whether it's weight or whether it is another aspect of our appearance but the belief. I would be happier if i look different. This is like the number one. Most insidious most powerful lie that the beauty industry tells us and yes. It absolutely comes into play with the the fear of aging. But what was interesting. I would say that weight struggles and wait. Concerns are right up there with my clients with fear of aging. I would say those are the two biggest ways that might clients are are disconnected and afraid of their bodies. So can you tell me the question again. I went on a tangent. But what was it. Other ways that fear of aging comes up for women. Yeah or things that like. How how they can start noticing these things happening in the subtle marketing because it's so pervasive. I feel like it's like one of those things. We probably don't even notice anymore because it is so common pervasive in almost everything works most you. Yeah yeah good point so anytime that you find yourself believing you need to look differently to achieve something you want or anytime you believe you have to look differently to earn love or respect were success or a better sex life where anytime you believe your worthiness or ability is in any way connected to what you look like that is due to the subtle powerful propaganda the beauty industry it does not reflect reality that does not reflect biological reality either and i talk about that in the book because we have this idea. Oh it's it's only natural on evolutionary biological for women to go to these extents to change and harm our bodies to look a certain way. No it's not because these are inherently body harming and fertility reducing and psychically distressing practices. It's not biological so anytime. We act from those fears or beliefs. That is a sign that the propaganda of the beauty industry is in your head. Got it and another thing. I think about when these topics coming to mind is the idea of. How do we start creating butter foundation with the next generation and especially with our daughters for this because that was actually the thing that made me like wake up to my own. Fear based attitude for my own body with seeing. My daughter seem how. I was looking at myself in the mirror and i saw it register on her face and i realized i was going to do whatever i had to do to figure out how to work through it because i was not willing to pass on that mental prison to my daughter but this is obviously something that's very pervasive in society and beauty standards like all the points that you've brought up. What are some ways that as parents we can start from the beginning creating in cultivating much healthier mindset in relationship for our daughters so that they hopefully are at least a little bit more immune to this as they get older than we are. Yeah that is so key. And that's really a powerful. Wake up moment that you and i have to say a lot of my clients find me. Want to do the work because they had a similar moment where their daughter is no eight nine. Ten eleven somewhere in there. And they're like. Wow if i if i don't change this now i'm gonna imprint some negative stuff on my daughter and i want to end the cycle and that is one of the biggest reasons why i wrote this book because i am hell bent on ending this generational cycle of female body. Hate one thing. I know deep in my soul is that i am not here on earth this time around to have kids but that i'm supposed to do this work to help. The next generation come in into their lives and do their sole work unshackled with wate. Shame insecurity and my own personal experience with i pinpointed and i talked about this in the book but i could pinpoint the origin of my body hate as an eleven twelve thirteen year old because i had watched hammami. Mom talked about her body in. My mom was trying to end the cycle in her own way. Her mother was extraordinarily body critical in criticized my mother's body as a child. And my mom thought you know. I'm never gonna do. That's my daughters. I want them to grow up with this body. Hit the i have. But it's only partly breaking the cycle because kids are essentially psychic but they also have years in is so whatever mother's relationship to her body. She's going to pass onto her daughter. So i had gotten these custom-made criticisms for my body and then as my body went through puberty. Suddenly i had this moment where i looked in the mirror. One i can remember the moment one day it goes old and i was just horrified because looking back at me was my mom's face my mom's hair my body changing. It's my mom's body and it was such a moment of sheer terror. Because this was the body that i had been taught to hate and fear and it actually led to might. Eating disorder led to All these obsessive body practices. When i was young trying to prevent my bike from changing into that. And looking like that so the biggest thing like the number one thing is doing the work yourself as a matter. That's it's the hard work but that's really truly what it is so changing the language and the energy that you have with her body i would say the other big piece here is combating or addressing body comments when your child is in the same room so for example if another woman is saying body hating things or she's looking at her plate of food and saying oh my god i can't eat this too much. It's too fattening. I haven't earned blah blah blah or criticizing her own appearance saying something like you know. It's really important to me that my my daughter my child my son. Here's women who are at peace with their body or have a positive relationship with her body because there's just so much negativity in the world. So i would really appreciate it if while you're around me and my child if you could say only positive in kind things about your body like your body is somebody you love. It's really uncomfortable to say to start saying those things in setting those boundaries but actually combating body hatred and those many insidious comments that just go unnoticed. We'll really long way. Yeah absolutely. I think there's also like to what you said. There's a tendency in society. I've noticed even with very young children to comment so much on their physical appearance and how cute they are pretty. They are or even. I don't think even just related to beauty and physical image at all but just a natural tendency to to complement innate things versus things that they actually have control over which i've had podcast before that explained a more broad level that that actually can make it harder for them in other areas for instance if you tell a child that they're smart. They don't necessarily think that they have the ability to control how smart they are but they now feel the pressure to be perceived as smart and so it actually makes them more hesitant to try things or to Have the possibility of failure because that might prove that the art smart and so one piece of advice that i've gotten from a lot of different people on this podcast is to complement and pay attention to the things that are related to effort or to something tangible that children have the ability to effect so rather than just praising their appearance or their intelligence praised their hard work or like mentioned something very specific something that they've done that you liked the colors or the creativity or something like that So the tangible that also then they want to keep working toward and they have the ability to keep improving versus. I think making comments about children's appearance even just telling them that they're so cute maybe subtly just like telling them that they're smart creates a subtle pressure for them to continue to appear physically attractive in a certain way if that makes any sense yeah i love that. I think that's really clear and spot on an another thing. That totally fits into that idea. Is i like to compliment on how somebody makes me feel like. Oh you know. Whenever i talk to you i just feel like you. Totally have my back. I feel so supported. Or wow you. Just somebody i admire so much with your choices. Xyz area that it just inspires me to be a better person or you know every time you smile it just makes my day so you know getting those similar compliments to kids letting kids here you talk to somebody else. In that way we think that would be an alignment as well. Yeah absolutely. I think like in many of these things even just starting to have awareness about it can make such a difference or at least. That's what i noticed in my own. Transformation is just kind of those lightning bolt moments and realizing the internal talk and realizing the patterns. It helped me to start paying attention to them. And it wasn't by any means that suddenly overnight i was able to just make a complete mindset shift but having awareness about them led me to start being able to ask better questions and make better statements internally and i've said before on here as well. I think we are very much the some of the questions. We ask ourselves in a statements that we make ourselves. But it's hard to be cognizant of those things and it's very difficult sometimes to start changing those things. But i think the the subconscious is incredibly powerful there one example i've used. Is you know when i was asking the question of. Why can't i lose weight. My subconscious did is exactly. It was supposed to do and gave me all the reasons why i couldn't lose weight. Well you have thyroid disease and you have six kids etc etc whereas when i switched it to how can i support my body the best or how can i love these things about myself. How can i nurture my body to make it Happy and healthy. Whatever it my subconscious started working towards those goals. And so i think like or merely starting on the inside and just learning to become aware of those patterns that i didn't even recognize it myself and then as an extension we then learn to start really paying attention to those same things in relationship with others especially our children. Oh i love that and something. I talked about the book while on. Work that i do with all my clients is having them those internal questions and you know a lot of time the self help arena tells us to make affirmation statements like i am sin or i am beautiful or i am confident in what i see with my own experiencing with. My clients is when we make those internal statements that subconsciously. We know are false because we've been so indoctrinated into that or because we have all these stories like you mentioned with thyroid and stress etc basically our subconscious. Every time we say one of those affirmations our subconscious kicks it out like no. That's not true. So we actually are just reinforcing the negative and what i recommend doing instead formations which is switching it to a positive question. Exactly like you did. So like when i use with my clients is why is it that i feel so confident uncomfortable in my body. Why is it that. I have such a nurturing and satisfying relationship with my body. Why is it that my relationship with my body greens in hospital relationships and other areas of my life. So things like that. I love that. I'm writing that down putting this show notes as well. This podcast is sponsored by alibaba delicious soda. That's actually good for you. Did you know that. Most americans consume more than the recommended daily and take up sugar by a lot and sweetened. Drinks like soda are the leading source of extra sugar. Most of us also don't get enough fiber and i found a delicious answer to both of these problems. It's called ali pop. And i was so excited to find this. Truly healthy so to alternative pup uses functional ingredients that combine the benefits of -biotics plant fiber and botanical hs to support your microbial and benefit digestive health and that tastes just like soda. Without the junk ollie. Pop is much much lower in sugar than conventional sodas. They're vintage For instance has just two grams of sugar. Compared to a regular cola that has thirty nine we worked out an exclusive deal just for walnuts mama podcast listeners. You can receive twenty percent off plus free shipping on their bestselling variety pack. This is a great way to try all of their flavors and find your favorite go to drake ali up dot com forward slash wellness mama and use the code wellness not want. That's at checkout to claim the deal. That's drink alibaba. D. r. i. n. k. o. l. p. o. p. dot com slash walnuts. Mama discount is only valid on their variety back and you could find alibaba in over three thousand stores. Nationwide including whole foods sprout kroger in. This podcast is sponsored by wellness. That's wellness with an e. on the end. It's the personal care company that i founded to take on some of the worst offenders in the personal care world did you know for instance that many hair care products contain harsh detergents. What your hair isn't dirty laundry and it doesn't need to be treated like it is. Instead we created a nourishing natural hair food product that support tears natural balance and strength over time to leave it stronger and healthier and still just shiny and clean as any other shampoo to help you see and feel the difference. We're hosting a hair detox challenge. Try it for thirty days and show us the difference in your hair just napa before and after picture and tag us on any social media and to make it easier for you to jump in. You can save fifteen percent on all of our hair care. Products this month with dakota hair detox. Fifteen at wellness dot com again. That's wellness w. e. l. n. e. s. s. e. dot com and save fifteen percent on all hair care products. Right now with the code hair. Detox fifteen definitely. Of course also. I should have mentioned this in the beginning. Have a link to your books. People can find it and check it out. But i love to as we get closer to the end of time kind of go through some of the common misconceptions or things that people don't still misunderstand about this because i i think you bring up so many good ones in the book. I think that some of them. It's hard like once you see them. It's easy to be aware of them. But some of these people just don't fully still understands a walk us through some other common misconceptions when it comes to this. Can you clarify. Is it just misconceptions when it comes to the relationship with our body. Yeah and indoor tour to Like subtle things within the industry or marketing in general but just anything related to this whole idea and how it impacts women I would touch on weight loss here. Because like i mentioned so many of my clients come to me with this as their primary goal and this belief of i can't love my life or i can't love my body or can't find love in my life until i forced my body to a certain size and something that i i work with as an intuitive eating coach is the all the scientific literature that shows that traditional dieting and chasing weight loss in a traditional way. It doesn't work and insisting on weight loss enforcing our body towards stock goal is controlling our body rather than trusting our body. It's using external roles in an external yardstick. And the thing is like i talked about. Love is an action. When you love someone you don't control them you listen to them. So what i work with with all my clients is. I always take weight loss as goal off the table because first of all scientific literature shows that if you actively pursue weight loss through traditional dieting embody control percent of the time. You're gonna regain the way two thirds of the time you're gonna reap gain more weight so it backfires that way but also it keeps us to not mentally unhealthy cycle And i helped my clients get into a place of complete body trust. Learning their hunger cues again on doing the toxic mentality of diet culture getting in touch with their in tuition addressing the underlying spiritual problems in their life that are causing them to unconsciously make unhealthy choices around food or coke with food and you know what will happen is they may or may not lose weight like in your case your body felt comfortable and safe it was like i don't need to carry around this extra weight because you did. The internal work in that happens for some people and for some people their body keeps the weight because that is what is best for their body but they get to a place where they feel the same degree of confidence and connectedness. with that's really health healthy unhelpful. And they're able to live. They're most fulfilled life. So i would say that's one really really important foundation to understand and then something else that is really important for people to understand when they're on this journey every connecting with their body especially women is that you've been intentionally disconnected from your body. You've been intentionally brainwashed and intentionally manipulated to harm yourself in order to prophets the beauty industry. And i talk about the beauty industry as a psychological abuser. One of the biggest wakeup experiences in my life was having a personal relationship with a psychopath and it was the dark night of my soul in the hardest experience of my life but i am so grateful and i know that my soul was led into that experience so that i could actually comprehend the depth of manipulation and darkness and evil that goes on in these mindsets that intentionally manipulate brainwash people saying the entire. Everybody who's involved in. The industry is a psychopath or abuser. Absolutely not but i'm saying that the industry as a whole which dates back through centuries of beliefs that the female body needs to be controlled dominated that is based on some really dark origins so understanding that you have been intentionally separated from your life force in-intentionally coerce to act in ways. That are opposites of your your life force in your souls best interest. That's a key part of this journey. So that you can consciously make choices that will allow your truest south to flourish in a logger soul to do the work that it came here to do in the world. I love that. And like i said i'll make sure that your book and your resources in the show notes so that people can find you another question i love to ask for the end of interviews is obviously other than your own which i think is deeply impactful. If there's a book or a number of books that had a really dramatic impact on your life and that you would recommend and if so what they are and why Well strange answer. It's gonna be a novel that i read when i was twenty one twenty two years old and it's called gilead spy maryland robinson and it's a spiritual novel and at the end of the book. There's this quote that when i when i read it. I put the book down. And i hide for a few solid hours. In cote is the lord absolutely transcends. Any understanding i have of him which makes loyalty to him a thing entirely from loyalty to whatever doctrines on customs and memories. I may have associated with him and why that has been so important at that. Point in every point of my life is because i've been able to apply this concept not only to my spiritual journey but to journey with science and intellectualism and other ideas that i have to grow beyond in order to heal the relationship with my body i had to understand for example loyalty to whatever the diviners it transcends what i was taught as a child In my religious upbringing and loyalty to sign the scientific paradigms transcends that materialism and the reductionism that i was taught in school and loyalty to my fulfillment my confidence transcends the customs and doctrines associated as only avenue to confidence through the beauty industry. So that mindset shift to be loyal to the truth and to love to the true desires of my soul how always transcends the perceptions that my culture has given me has been a really key piece in my life. I love that. I'll make sure that is linked in the show notes as well. Those are wellness mama dot. Fm for you guys listening or at any parting advice. You would leave with the women listening today. Yes i think the most important thing to understand in the world right now is that the human body is the most sensitive and attuned instrument we have for determining truth from fiction and determining good from evil like it is better than any scientific tool that we're ever gonna develop it's better than any fact checkable ever gonna have on social media and we're reliving in these in these difficult times where there is conflicting information about everything. Whatever way we turn and it that that sense of confusion can be really disrupted our health in our psyche. And so i think in order to well i know. In order to steer humanity end the right direction in for every human being to really understand what their sole purpose in what their direction as in life. We need to cast off our course so that we can be reconnected. With that compass in our body i that has been the most profoundly liberating and powerful thing in my life is being connected In getting more connected to that like internal truths meter within me. I love that. That's perfect place. I think to wrap up but for anybody who this has resonated with you guys definitely check out the invisible course that it's linked in the show notes wanna stomach dot. Fm as our lauren's online profiles. You can find her and connect directly. Lauren thank you so much that you have known each other for many years that i love seeing the shift in your work in this new way that you're helping women and i think it's very needed right now. It's very appreciative of you. And your time today. Thank you so much. Katie it's been really wonderful chatting with you and thank you guys as always for listening for sharing your most valuable resource your time with both of us today. We're so grateful that you did. And i hope that you will join me again on the next episode. The wellness mama podcast. If you're enjoying these interviews would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on itunes for me. Doing this helps more people to find the podcast which means even more moms and families can benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time and thanks as always for listening.

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Is AI really a national security threat?

Reset

07:23 min | 3 months ago

Is AI really a national security threat?

"Support for this episode comes from sorta. If you're working long hours on your next big idea. You're probably missing your eight hours of sleep and even one night of bad sleep can really affect your energy the next day. Which is why sought for wants to help with safa classic innerspring mattress thanks to its two layers of coils the safa classic innerspring contrast your body. Why so you can wake up feeling refreshed instead of groggy and tired. Plus you'll sleep even better knowing that safa mattresses are always offered at half. The price of retail stores started doing prices. You thought you'd only dream about by visiting at safa dot com slash fox. Our what do you think about. When you're asked about a i artificial intelligence you might think about search algorithms or social feeds are robots. But what you might not be thinking about is national security kelsey piper covers. Ai for vox. And she has been writing about how ai is used in the national security world. Hey kelsey are you doing so. There's this new report from the national security commission on artificial intelligence. Give us a quick high level overview of what this government body found so this was put together in twenty eighteen as sort of a response to the fact that projecting out ten twenty years. We see the potential for a i to really change. How do everything. And that's something that the military likes to be on top of so this commission sort of look at the national security implications of artificial intelligence and then ended up with a bunch of takeaways. A major one is they want the us to be the world leader in a. I acting top researchers from all over the world and they think of that is critical to us nashville security. And what is commission. Exactly tell me why was it. Set up wise an important for the federal government to be trying to use. Ai national security at all so it is kind of a thing. Where there's a lot of hype. There's a lot of people saying. Oh we're doing i. But behind that there really is a potential for a transformative technology. Something that's going to change how we do everything including fighting wars including making economic decisions The us government of course has an interest there so in two thousand eighteen. This commission was set up to sort of dig into some of the long term implications of ai and figure out what policy recommendations made sense for the government. Their major recommendation is they want the united states to be the world leader in ai. They think that every other problem related ice making it comprehensible. Making sure that it does what we wanted to do. Making sure that it stays under human control. All of that's easier. It's happening in a democratic country like the united states and so a lot of their recommendations are focused on enhancing. The industry here attracting top researchers getting the visas stuff like that. Yeah i mean do you think is raw in national security is often overlooked. The average person. this this might be entirely new territory to them like. Tell me about what. I is used for In our economy in society and why people might be surprised to hear that the government is exploring its uses and national security at all. Yeah so i think. Ai is used for all kinds of things. you know. News feeds trading stocks Translating and transcribing texts did for picture taking restaurant orders rating fake product reviews. It's lots of stuff but none of that has obvious. Huge national security implications and thinking about the national security implications of is not really thinking about those present. Technology is looking into the future like well before we had a nuclear bomb. It was clear that it was going to have massive national security implications. And i think a is less like a nuclear bomb more like electricity in that it enables tons of new technologies and it just changes how we do tons and tons of things including fighting wars but not at all just fighting wars so as computer systems. Move away from being narrow a that can solve one specific problem in a good way to more generalized problem solving abilities. It's a little hard to anticipate. Exactly what challenges. There's going to be but they're going to be a lot of challenges and many of them are our national security So tell me about the difference between what's called narrow. Ai and dismore general. I walked through that so narrow. I is everything we can do day. computer vision training computers to look at a picture and pick out. What the objects in it are. is an example of narrow way. We train a computer to solve a specific problem. And that's what you get doesn't exist yet But it is something that might exist ten twenty thirty years from now where we are able to design a system that can solve tasks across a variety of environments instead of having to design separate is systems for separate tasks. Okay so now that we understand how we got to this place because he wanted things you write about is that This arms race framing which is often used in of describing ai that we're competing against china that you know it's like like with a nuclear bomb were competing for the the latest greatest technology to deploy in in warfare or national security Why do you think that is wrong. Why do you think that we shouldn't be seeing this. As some sort of you know realpolitik competition. So i think when you say ten twenty thirty years from now there's going to be a very powerful weapon than the natural response is okay. Well we want it. I you know china is committing all kinds of human rights violations. there's an ongoing genocide. We don't want them to have this technology which they can use for bad things. We want us to have it. I'm sympathetic to that. In some ways. I do think it would have been bad if the nazis had gotten a nuclear bomb. I do think that there's reason to prefer the democratic country. The us being a leader over a country like china. But i think that's only like half the problem or maybe even less than half the problem because with something like a it where a lot of what we don't know is how to use it usefully and safely at all doing it in the. Us is really far from sufficient for doing it right or doing it. In a way that like makes the world a better place so by all means. I think it's true that we should offer more visas to theresa and make sure that the us is a world leader in. I but we shouldn't assume that as long as wearing the lead things will go well and we should in fact be willing to slow down in order to do things right even if we feel like well if we slow down somebody else might get head because getting things right is really really important here and a i can be a national security threat to the united states to right. It's not as if you know it's obviously An offensive weapon potentially but The us needs to be thinking about pow as it in. Its defensive posture. How it's going to handle other country having ai capabilities. Yeah there's there's a lot to think about from a national security perspective and there's a lot to think about if we build any i but we build it badly that can be as much of a threat to us as anything kind of builds like a systems that are not designed to be responsive to feedback and listen to what we want are a real potential problem. Is they yet more powerful. so it's not just. Is this in bad hands. It's also is this badly. Designed chelsea piper of. Thanks so much for joining us. You can be more of a at. Vox dot com. Thanks kelsey decently.

kelsey piper national security commission o federal government us kelsey dismore ai fox nashville china Ai government theresa
Boxing with a Ghost

Do By Friday

2:54:22 hr | Last week

Boxing with a Ghost

"They friends it's your old pal. Merlin here going to give you a heads up to episode of dubai. friday Includes discussion of this for you. This morpheus self harm and suicide so if you think the episode mike bum you out or you're not a good place to listen to it right now. You know he might skip it. Come back later Want to give you a heads up. You know spoiler alert. You know a alexandra's fine and no one is in trouble so you know on with the merriment. We love you. This is due by a weekly challenge. Podcast with merlin. Mann and alex cox. This week's challenge harness your horses lou. Hello hello hello. Hello how are you. Oh i'm in the duck. Oh you prepared so much that i guess you well. You know what. I was a bad assumption for me to make a apologize. No you did a lot of pasting. I think blo komo low. Hello alone morning. Good morning velocity webster's defines philosophy. Still just sometimes here viscosity. And i'm like loans gossipy I i heard. I heard it used in a tv commercial. I wanna say for pennzoil some kind of motor oil so viscosity is like how slippery. Something oh i thought it was like how this he'd or it all like. I thought it was like the speed at which something dripped What am i am talking about like that. Like the like the tar in the cave. That kind of thing with again a plato. What am i thinking of. But i don't know the state of being thick sticky and semi fluid and consistency due to internal friction. Basically talking about it. Think about calm a lot of times when someone says velocity. Think that's external friction. Usually i mean each thorough. They call it a bag. She knows that you can make a masturbaters out of a milk carton. You make almost anything into a mass mater. You really try. If you're hungry enough everything's food. Yeah but like. If you've enjoyed your your prison reprinted toilet wine right downwind a little bit. Yeah how you doing. Oh japanese you. Should we get we get into it do you. Oh goodness we'll i'm great. We'll bring people up to speed. Bring me up to spirit. Says to my phone i for my family says overcorrected on your pronounce twice joining in two minutes. Realize i realize that my problem with with the. It's so deep set in my brain as a part time. English major I used to be that person who was like. It just didn't sound right. Grammatically it doesn't it doesn't and sometimes i code switch if i want actually tell an anecdote to my to my wife alone the rimsson code switch and i say i see listen. I'm gonna. I'm gonna in support to call people what they want. But just just so. I can say this as a paragraph. I'm i'm going to use the old words but Just because sometimes. Because you know what i realized though i realize it's a little bit like way. British people dropped the article on things like hospital in university. And then they add an s two. Well like maths extensive. That's just sure for mathematics. I think that kind of makes sense All right all right but but it's like you're when you have to stop and maybe this is the point when you have to stop to think about the words that you're saying like i'm doing right now. It's like trying to eat. Y you talk about your tongue. It's just not it's not a great idea. You know what. I mean but First of all. I bring greetings to you from the the other two Humanoids in my house and they say hello. And i said i said they said how Said how she doing. And before the i could get a get out emma not looking at from her intones day because she has a lot of days in our life. I assume several of her fellow several of her extremely good peers. Are they also i there. There's a bit of memorial panic around the day them Which i just said. Save it for the show. Yeah oh say that they kids but the point being i said i don't know i said and here's the thing i said i'm trying. I'm trying to be the alex in the world. That i'd like to change i want. I'm knock. i admonished. Our listeners lovingly with with so much affection i said. Hey look when. Alexandra is on their brain break. Let's we were telling you right now. We're putting stake in the ground that there may be times when you know. Just whatever you know. It's break time and we may not have an episode some times and things like that right and and since please. Let's let's in unless unless alex's otherwise let's give alexandra you know until me the penis lawyer and so anyway. And i said i don't know i'm gonna find out. I said i wanted to be the change. So i did not intone your family to get updates but you know To bring us up to speed for. I i want to say that I tweeted nas. Hey can people are asking me where the episode is last week If hey if you're the first time buckle in buddy were were they tweeting we were. They tweeting to alex. Oh just nice just like. Hey where's the show. You guess you guess. Let me guess let me. So how did i guess. I'll well no it's fine. It's fine multi. You did you did. I went and i was going to try and see if there's any updates like a fine and you're not gonna believe what i found And then Somebody had been disappeared. And then i this morning thought. Oh there's no chance in the world that the disappearing has been undisputed lo and behold. Guess who's back bitches wildcard. I what the heck are you talking about. Did i that. Your twitter didn't you. Oh oh i just did the deactivation thing for bit. Because i'm the okay w. w zip zip. Yes let your back on this very much. But i can't say i can't end the meeting. Stupa face a status. I'm just gonna. I was going like. Hey let's just tweet that I am babysitting my niece. Which which uh true was hilarious. You honor. well it's not my baby. I don't know if they are putting bear. No i think you're right this gender. Don't miss gender. The baby. I meant i meant by her parents. She can decide her pronouns whenever she wanted again. Exactly as biden said what at least at least two. Yeah right sure really. That was pretty cute. the so she can just hold two iphones with her little baby hands in okay like for her fourteen month old hands or whatever and i'm like how are you even doing this but i didn't say that because i would never swear in front of a child no and unfortunately my second niece who is fine. Now gay was oh my god. So did you tell you. Tell the listeners about this is okay to say that we can now just want. I understand believe me. I understand addition to fan. Yeah and it was just really I have another niece. Oh gosh she is just the. I'm a second time uncle so little in pink. Oh then. I got a photo photo match. You always knows somehow. Matching knows. And i always get the right thing at the right time and i got. I got a picture of of the new baby and got picture. Another picture of winston the bulldog i love. Winston winston is a precious angel. And that's the only dog that doesn't like matchy. Is that right no he. He doesn't like he no. No that's not it but it it has been it has been said and then he doesn't like men and so that's complicated. The owners were just surprised whether eight you yep. Yup yeah he. He's been outed by dogs before. But it sure crossover. Y'all got going on. We haven't got about content this i. That's what i was so surprised by that she did. You did you. Did you pub owner when you saw when you saw the images i well. I opened the dock. And i'm like oh so many whatever don't even know what we're we're going to get to today oh and anyway New is her name she Was a busy nick. You for a weed isn't that isn't that a graze character is. Oh i think you're right. So that's the the Chemical oh that's right. Oh don't show don't hang on hang on i. I'm sorry. I'm interrupting you by design. I did it again today. I did it again today. I even even on the day. That harvey weinstein is extradited to la for more charges on doing being a gross human being i. There's a thing that used to say. These told you the story thing. Well they used to say kevin hurt. She's hard to work with. And i said one time to to my my mother's mother i said you know i heard ankles are to work with and she said you know what is interesting that that's the thing they end up seeing about a lot of women and only women you know what you're right bad on me about on me and and today i said catherine she's hard to work with and she said i said i said her quote unquote chemistry with george. And we're watching the good season Is when i. I think they had the least chemistry of any romantic couple. I've ever seen in the world and and in production and of course he's you know he's he's a game and she's katherine heigl in real life but then you know she. We don't my daughter's mother said again. You know she did this time. She said you know what. Actually they're really good friends in real life and and she was super nice to george in real life when the guy with the cgp glasses was being mean to george. Did you know that the goal was very supportive of george in real life. Yes because notice. I did not say. Don't associate her with katherine. Heigl i said don't associated with izzy because the character is a real bitch and i don't think i'm gonna say that anymore because i'm a days interesting characters. They always say characters that are hard to work with the emotional on that. Show the very emotional. Oh i don't that is that is my what do what should i say. My cats my my cats mother. My cats daddy mother To watch that show. And i'm like what is wrong with you. But then i watch attack on titan now for comfort which is a Oh god literally. I don't watch checking titan. Everybody is good. I had a break breakthrough head cannon moment today that i think is going to be very helpful to my enjoyment. We're watching the good season. It's an outlier season. It's like season four of sunny. It's one of those like bangers. I realize karev sitting around. And he's just standing there and this woman this red-haired woman. 'cause they love a redhead woman on that show thank god but anyway it's rare woman. I think she's had face reconstruction and correct standing around in her in a room talking to her and her room is like a new like a studio apartment. She has this room this giant giant room and she doesn't wanna leave the hospital and i said i wouldn't want exactly. I don't know if you remember this. But she not only has a private room. But i mean there you wish you wish your your aunt in the cheap nursing home had a place this nice. It's super encourages standing around. I'm like in like first of all. Okay everybody that showed their way to emotional his career though just seems to stand around and talk to people up. And i had a breakthrough head candidate. Can i share it with you. Please please do what of karev dresses like tv doctor. But he's actually on security and he's just there to stand around until somebody needs to get punched in the face. Oh he's a doctor section barely but he's primarily like hulk out enforcer of his own design. Oh my gosh kind of makes more sense. My head can it well and especially because he goes in works impedes and especially now. I would love it if there was like a big old. Not not a cop but just someone who is going to be around there to punch anybody who comes in and also opens saves us for the after show but it also wins to fight the baby teeth it also. I think brings up an interesting idea. Which is what of seattle grace which was time. What does seattle grace actually on say that anymore. Oh i'm sorry we have. We have Neo titles what is it now. Now it's It's great memorial gray. It's also the one. We're we're the drunk. Dad comes in yells at her and meredith gets very emotional. I i don't write the name. Changes like six times. They've got to take the test and she she might have do her role resident year over again. 'cause she's not doing good on the test that opens the door. I'll say this for the after show i want. I'm talking about after showing a minute. We'll see if the average show but it's my feeling white if unless this particular hospital actually has a very unusual approach and there actually are different. Departments aren't the department seem we call resident but they actually do different things like maybe maybe some people are just there to be mopey like who knows. I'm just tossing it open than if we go into the world. If we load the head canon and fired off will turn out that everybody there. Only a few of them are doctors. I think bailey's definitely a doctor. this is about. She was very little and had a bad wig. O gosh she. She was so they actually. It was super cool gonna put the woke cat on but at one point they started talking about black women's hair. Beautiful bonding moment later. On and of course like oh my god. I can't believe they did. That also has another black woman. Oh wait where. Yes i agree can never have come on. No no. that's not me that was doing a bit. Sorry sorry that was. I wanted to touch their hair. But oh don't you like love maggie though but the room as you said matt maggie is the heart doctor who comes eventually and this may be related to character. Oshii one is really over the top. She's like very she's very. Is that the one who's like super excited all the time. I know curly hair. I might be getting on the good season. Oh yeah you're she is. she's in. She's a good character in about season. You know like friday night lights isn't isn't there. Yeah i like friday night lights the african american guy. I like him a lot. He's he's the guy who was the running back on friday night lights. He's on that show as well. Does it get better after the second season involving what i can only describe as a true crime ish element except it's not drut like what the fuck was that. I really do drugs and stuff. We as i mentioned the john roderick on monday we just saw the episode with ferry accident and boy does that ever get dragged out. It's almost a regular airplane crash. You know it just it just goes on and on but but i feel like i don't know i have a lot of crushes on people in that show a lot of crashes. Oh see jeopardy are saturday. Good lord frederick know that you mean the season that can't personal single season the second season that we saw. That's good way of putting it. Yeah with landry. Landry mockingbird on the bridge yes okay. Adrian adrian politically. I believe her name is. She's very good and john wick. She's very good as mockingbird on agents of shield we listen episode last week Somebody now x's family had an easy They did or did not go off twitter and did or did not come back. But you know. Like elaine. Stritch says i made through all of last year and i'm here all right. Let's let's get into what hold on. What what a week we can. I can update you and in turn update other folks Except now i am logging into. Did i bring twitter. Oh yeah. I guess i thought this morning. Oh yeah yeah. I got a double double gasoline. Did i tweet any okay. That was pretty funny. That was a good tweet. Come on that should have done more. Numbers come on. Did you see my tweet. No no no no. Oh you mean kyle kyle. Who is that was his. I quote tweeted. Someone who said tech brose will write building. Something new hush emoji in their bio. But it's just kyle and another note. Taking out seekonk typing. He's got a game right. I think you make greg feel bad. Greg responded to that. I think he made a film. Oh no that's a i did. I hearted it as well. But i actually insulted by his comment on on his application drafts behalf. Because calling drafts. A note. Taking up is calling an ipad. Big iphone like. How dare you sir. Recycling showing paper a dead tree affords yes. yes how. How did it was kind of a lot more stuff. You can actually do with house or you can make an mkx and newspaper or you know. Imagine someone being self deprecating. Oh boy man. This economy. I i guess. I'm on twitter a mysterious. Oh well no. That's the idea the talked to you. I've been leaving. God damn it. Alexandra been leaving you alone. I believe alone. I would stand out. I'm staying out of your shit. I'm sitting here. I'm sitting here with kyle in my hand. You know wondering what's going on. I miss you. I like this. I like this. I like the program that we do. I okay can hit. Well can i tell you. Should i take something good jazz. Then and because you're you're doing the thing you're creating puzzles for people. I don't want to create puzzle. People if i didn't want to talk about things wound. Creating puzzles i just bought a puzzle dumping on the plane. Show that coin. My mom wants to the five hundred piece puzzle of a coin. I want you to think about that. Oh my god. It's like a liberty liberty dollar so like yeah this little bits of smudges and stuff and there's there's edges and things but like you mentioned making puzzle doing that on purpose. I hate puzzles. I well well then. You're not gonna like this literally wrote this down this morning. Oh my goodness gracious. Everybody says sit down. Alex alex has something to announce to the class. Wait no no hold on. Hold on wait this. Even this is i thought you had a prepared statement given opening remark. Or you know this. This is very important because you and me a little bit because as as you know. I do the note card. My wife got accepted two nights ago. My wife got accepted. That tell you about this. no. I didn't get a dream. A dream should dream in a dream. Like a lucid dream note. She was in the dream. And it was the most mundane dream of all time in the dream. She was really tired and went to sleep and then had a dream. Ask somebody who's not getting enough sleep. And it's true because i thought oh that's a normal thing that happens all right never you wake up and you're like oh man and and then there's then you realize you're having a nightmare. It's like a dive. Oh yeah The nfl oh i wrote nfc puzzle on a note card this morning. Is that a new zealand card. That's really that's a system card. Oh that's beautiful. yes. And i've gosh well this morning my nfc. I haven't used for two weeks but my podcast setup. Nfc sticker did not work this morning. I was like oh man. I wonder if they wear out but anyway i was like. Ooh there's just. I don't get much of whatever get receive much of a signal. I just feel like they don't they don't hear well. That'll be ablest. But i feel like they don't they're not listening. I don't know if they're hearing. They're not listening. i don't think. Nfc community is going to be upset. I am. I think i'm part of the nfc got you really works. At least ten presided time. Yeah yeah. I know so you ever prepared statement. Oh my goodness oh you in your own time. Take your time i. This is my day this entire day. I actually this guy i do. I do wanna get into it. Would you be opposed to at the very beginning of the episode being like. Hey you're not in trouble and we have done this a couple times before like. Hey we're a you're not in trouble you just you know as we do talk about a mental illness stuff and it might not be your jamshed arabs. Something like that i started. I started watching american horror story last night which wait which season where just season i started. I started the beginning murder house. I've never seen the show. I've never seen the show. I'm interested in the idea of ryan murphy and had heard things about this show and oh my god it's such a good bad show it So but it's right in my wheelhouse for. Oh it's eleven. I think. I got another hour or so in me. Holy shit and i went through a bunch of any against speaking of friday night lights mrs coach in it. It's got it's got the guy whose name i always confuse it everybody else. It's not dealing mcmurphy. Whatever that guy. Don't jerk dermot mulroney. it's got him and and and they had a daughter night at the beginning. We always like to call him tags at the beginning to the pop like this episode of invincible has this episode of the boys has gore and violence and language. Whatever that means. I hope almost all shows that aren't silent have language but but this one had so many tax including cw type stuff. I am absolutely not opposed to that And and you know there was just. There was so much of the things that i'm not even twa about but wolf like quicksilver walks in and she's oh man wolf. Oh i've seen the first season in a very long time but also is on their on their in flashbacks. Really good flashback. fucking gavin. belsen. The oh i don't even given belsen is the doctor who built the house in the twenties for his wife and in one thousand twenty six things. Got a little bit harry. Is this the season where. There's no sarah paulson. I have not seen the pulse in yet. I believe. I shot four last night. I've seen her in the credits. I've always heard this is a very like i mean. I'm using these buffy first season. Oh i'm enjoying it. But like i don't mean to be putting these right next to each other but i'd heard it's pretty. It's got a queer sensibility that it's kind of kinky that it's kinda like that. There's yeah but it's also it's almost like a stranger things level of like. Oh my god. Classic tropes stephen king and You know and stanley kubrick and stuff like that. I think that's totally fine. So at the top of the show will do very tasteful warning that we're talk about brains tasteful the beanie calorie counting. Or we're gonna talk about calorie counting. I don't think so but there We're gonna talk about hacking. I'm trying to p. o. Like with the sticks. Oh did you listen to the kito episode of. Oh yeah by. Friday where we talk about podcast. Beulah very latest. One is just finished. This morning is passed on to get a little fast and loose. I don't think it is. I as a science show. I think as a hanging out with friends. Show the yellow fastest. But but it's yeah and lately. They've gotten a little bit. There's a little bit. But i still enjoy it but dion but this one was about the the researcher ever alexandria alexan- had you ever heard because in a different life you you you have been a woman person and you're always getting bumped about food and like if you want to lose weight you gotta eat less. If you wanna eat less. You do what he do smaller plate. Oh this is that guy this guy and analyst for you but all the way and it's there's so there's so much shit in this episode that hits especially. Oh god michael and audrey yes. Yes presses a ton of both their buttons but especially because it's like institutional health programs stuff for like like google wanted to do a thing that when you check out at the cafeteria they'd show you an ai simulate a photo of what you look like in a year if you kept eating that same food. Oh that's bit you're gonna like this you're gonna like this episode but But they always mentioned calorie. Counting is a huge thing in the in the community of of disordered eating virus. I didn't know that was the thing until this show. I think so. I mean well. We're talking about any of that tracking stuff. I guess is like i didn't know that was the thing could trigger thing and now i've now i've done it here. Oh oh in terms of yes well. We'll put it at the might as well. Be talking about the nightmare. Well the I was really nervous When they talked about kito. Because i do i have done slash still often do a very light kito which is always i send you pictures of when i i did atkins i did. Atkins i did atkinson. It changed my life. And i had the sticks on the toilet i to see if i keyed and it was one of those things where there are some like turns out things but like the biggest turns out is a one. Obviously do when whenever you diet. Go do stuff with your doctor and two. It's like yeah. If you really wanna do kito gets about health. Let's exactly this is related to your health. Yes yes then. Only deciding on a t-shirt well and it is. It's like it's due to to. It's really hard to do kyoto in less. You just like eating the same thing over and over and over which surprise. That's exactly am i will. Oh do i can. I can diet. Let me get this straight atkins diet. Which of course is not healthy. But i diet let me get this straight so like if i don't eat potatoes i can. I can have all the steak and bacon. That i want like. Don't throw me in the briar patch. Pleasing thank you jeeves. Yes no problem. The french fries. I mainly missed french fries. Remember i oh man like an. That's one thing. I also really like about that. Show is the distinction between diet ting and diet. now it's almost like weather versus climate. Yes oh that's so good. Yes yes yes and i like almost in some ways almost like diet as a noun versus diet as a verb like diets verb for contrived like be careful about that. But what is your. What is your noun diet is. That's your climate really part of your climate. Just don't eat a well now. We're just going to talk about alex's food Hopefully don't have disordered eating disordered eating it's really disordered eating disordered eating cake by drunk dump truck driver. Dumb chunk tied piper hype middle middle compression. What is it that they saved. Pied piper proprietary. I don't know it's the worst alliteration. What if i told you that there was an app where i could see your children. Nothing you can do. Welcome friday could find you a playground with the most refused children. You haven't set to me twice. I'd i'd restarted watching silicon valley and shila con silicone valley silicon season two. I seem to today a couple of days later. I kept watching. I had power puttering day on sunday. And then i thought i thought i had cove it on monday. And that's why did you hear. I thought i had called. I think yeah it on the on the back to work program. I think oh god i was scared. I was scared. I have an appointment tomorrow morning to get a test that i'll probably go cancel. But but then. I got through so season to my god so good but then bells who also plays augie in the aviator. Were you aware of that where you were. Were you aware that he's the airplane mechanic in the i mean i wasn't a well now i am aware also russ hannam and was was the cameraman in the very ill advised now. We need the people who are shooting. The office documentary part of the office from that. Terrible season is the cameraman. That pam kinda almost gets with remember that. russ hannah. no. I hate as well. Well actually he is the sound guy. Sorry trigger warning alley. Yeah oh but the other thing last week is i really hesitate to use the term nervous breakdown because so many things come along with that but all in terms of it's like declaring yourself hysterical. Run to these words. The the only reason i say that. Us made me crazy. Yeah yeah yeah. Greeks have a word for this. It's called being a woman. Oh gosh i mean well. Now thanks to bo burnham's inside those most everyone who's water watched it knows about associative episodes and which is different than him. Dvd which we used to call a multiple personality disorder. But anyway la- last week. It was in a situation where really thought Mattie and i thought like okay. Alex's brain is broken to the point where we might go into the the hospital. Not because i wanted to hurt myself or others. Just gonna wake up. Wake up and know wake up and know that it was kind of a bad time. No it was real bad in it to the point where i in terms of like disassociation. I really don't remember what i was doing or saying but apparently some of the stuff and i was absolutely terrified looking through my texts of did i yell at any of my friends are treat any of my friends the way i did matchy and the founder of cox's cox best friend since high school akara and who in both of those have been on the receiving end of the. What is a manic episode in terms of just like my pure irrational fury and cruelty and and what i mean by that is This and this is not you know. Your mileage may vary when you have a manic episode but This is something. I know that a lot of people can do without having any sort of mental break but i yeah i think it is easiest and most painful when you hurt somebody that are close to because you know exactly where the like chinks in the that armor as and you know exactly what to say to just tear that person apart when you're when you're unintentionally inhabiting a certain kind of terrible character however that started like that's who you're being now and the maybe an aspect of who you are but that's not the who you who you'd ever wanna be. Yeah and this is this is not you know martha situation where i pretend to be like need to men over the phone That like just. It's also i think at least for me Whenever i have a manic episode i I lash out at the people. I'm closest to also because i know that they won't leave. A lake will not abandon the in my time of need. Whatever my kids whenever my kids being being a dick. I of course think about all the time but i think about the fact that she's a teenager and like it's you know i have a hypothesis that especially with kids but really for everybody. Sometimes there is a pipes and wires thing. That's going on that. You could call a feeling and that feeling needs a reason or that feeling needs an out. We'll find an outlet like you wouldn't want it to but even if it is often totally irrational and like a small example of that would be you want mac and cheese. No i hate mac and cheese. I've never liked mac and cheese now. I know factually that. As far as i can tell based on the mike actually does actually really like mac and cheese can eat normal person but that strong feeling that strong negative feeling needs to burst out somewhere. Do you know what i mean and like you end you end up like you're rehearsing life when you're a kid and you're being a dick with your parents totally understandable totally understandable. But you do that because it's a safe environment. It's a loose stakes environment for you to be an asshole. We don't wanna do that with the school bully and that gets like you said when it is a kid and apparent and or or occasionally you know if you yell at your spouse or something it is not good but it doesn't necessarily become a toxic relationship or or something like that. Oh we should talk about the book. What happens when you overstate harm. Because that's a good home a god. I've been reading that on your suggestion. Yeah absolutely but it's also like you know. I mean depending on your background and how you are. I mean i as somebody who's the way that i am as well as emotionally as emotionally fragile as i've been for most of my life like there are things like in a certain kind of i can think of certain ethnicities where people just kinda yell at each other all the time but it's not meant in a harmful rightly harmful way whereas there are families. Where one outburst one wrong night at the wrong time ends up having an impact on that relationship for months or years or decades. One time you made me feel scared and insecure and vulnerable like that ends up being almost like a kind of like shameful. Ptsd like you don't wanna do that to cara but you oh i did know well and this is why i wanna have the little contact warning beginning because there was a time in my life Now seeking bo burnham like exactly fourteen years ago where i was at a point where i did not want to be alive anymore and sixteen year olds keira Was in her closet talking knee down from terrible from doing terrible things and i know a lot of friends have that bed of like literally saved their friends lives. But that isn't something you should have to do when you're sixteen years old especially when you're all alone and you don't want to tell any Oh gosh Which is why. I'm so lucky to still have her around because a again i'm gonna say luckily a lot because this isn't a prepared statement Both madyan kara knew like right away. Okay this is not behavior that we've seen in a long long long time. And i'm not trying to be vague about like what i say by behavior. It wasn't it was just like a fuck off. I i i never want to talk to you. See you anything like that and i. I wish that i had a trigger. I wish that i could say that There was something that i could pinpoint but there is always a reason for these things and sometimes to reason. Is your brain chemistry. So that says something something somewhere. Somehow that sets it off Yeah and well and and again. I don't know god some of it. I remember because it was over. Text messages And i think. And i don't remember deactivating my twitter account but that makes total sense to me now because i have mixed feelings because on the one who like. That's the best thing to do. Yeah oh well no. I didn't want i don't wanna say anything crazy date in pupil but it doesn't make you happy and i was surprised at how many people noticed especially because i did not remember this and i was like well. I guess that is good And thank you know friends who reached out. Thank you so much And oh and anyway this is this is a long grumbly way of saying Tuesday it was just to the point where i was having this manic break. And they and Matty was like okay clearly. This stress leave isn't working the way that you wanted or we wanted Which is why. I was actually going to break up with my psychiatrist but i am not doing that all interesting. That had not occurred to me. You said last time. We recorded the sort of stage whisper. You were like thinking about making a change there and this is what this is what caused that. No actually like you felt like it wasn't you. did you feel like the time when you were feeling copious. Did you feel like it was just match. Your did you also feel like this wasn't working the way you hoped or wished it was but about like It's hard to when you spend a the majority of your life wondering like if queer. Mrs even a real thing that exists. Or if it's just part of your brain not having enough or or too much serotonin or dopamine or whatever and it's like all right am i. Am i really a non buyer. Nary person is this even really thing is true. Now obviously the the answer is yes. But when that gets research doubting your own perceptions or yeah well once you start doubting yourself and it's very much a unfortunately a thing in the trans community. It's like well. You're not transient the you you don't present draw androgynous enough and right now. It's like oh did is justified despite You know. I've used them pronounce for theory. Not of okay. Everybody calm down not a very long time. privately for a very long time with very small amount of people. It's new for most okay. Everybody the and that just gets muddled in with like oh i. Is mike weirdness. Just part of my bipolar nests in. Those are two distinct things but that doesn't mean that Oh gosh I don't think. I don't think i've ever talked about just fauria on this show Because they don't want to steal two a girl valor My spouse has a podcast. Everybody you should go. Listen to it but i do. You know what this for you is. Should i explain that real quick. I wish you would. I just forty indus. Morpheus confusing hearing the michael the michael jackson. It was believed from a long distance. Diagnosis that michael jackson one reason that he chose to keep doing different kinds of procedures and surgeries. It wasn't it. Wasn't that as we speculated at the time that he wanted to be white. But that the thing and i feel like this is somehow related to anorexia but like the person you see in the mirror in real life and metaphorically like you don't look like just tell me what it is like i feel like it's it's just not you have a distorted idea of how you look or who you are that becomes somewhat unshakable right and actually des- you're right as well that sometimes that comes dismore via comes along with disordered eating or it. It's one of those things where it is often a symptom of something and a lot of a straight answer. People have the body dismore via in terms of just being unable to see their body as it objectively is in the world and that is an over-simplification but the difference between that and dysplasia is that dysplasia is more rooted around the gendered part of parts of your body and those are also the parts again over-simplification but it's like i yes. I have this thing in my pants and his lady shouldn't have his pants. I want it gone or me. Like i don't want these things on my chest always been really really bad but before we had a word for destroyer yet. You know that had always been Barade- because focusing on being bipolar Which is a good thing. Folksinger mental health. And i just always assumed that i never had what's called social disapora as in being around other folks and being very aware that you look like something probably gender that you are not and i had never experienced that before. I truly don't think i'd ever experienced that before. Some form of cognitive dissonance like in the sense of i remember first hearing about cognitive thinking. That's such a fascinating idea at least my understanding that. Was that the things that you feel very deeply or something something that is absolutely like in your bones as truth in the universe is at odds with a more You know Empirical reality and that the the dissidents comes from the inability to have those to square up and that is a cause of tremendous stress. Because you know it's like wolverines bodies healing right it's drifting down to the bones. Put the adamantine him on. So he's in pain all the time. Because he's he's he can't heal anyway. That's how i marvel comics understands. No that's that's exactly like there. That is more dismore fiat And that's why often dysphoric and dismore. Thea can go hand-in-hand because destroy like sometimes it's like yes Other folks can see tits and read you as a as a woman When you're not that and that is just the thing whereas just morphine can be like you said. It's just all always just tearing at your in size with that. Oh that adamant. And i never ended in terms of social. I never really focused on that. Because i was too busy. The reason i been awesome at corentin basically is. Because i didn't i felt for the first time we've talked about this earlier shows. I felt for the first time a physical disparate which is being like super aware of your body and how it you do not like this relates to your shower realization. Yes and just realizing oh man. These boobs really cause more problems than i thought those breakthrough when you said that to me because it gave me the impression that maybe you said this in actual words but that like that you had pinned a lot of your discomfort in the world with your sexual or the with your with awareness that you were also realizing that it's the physical part that's the tough part and some knowledge that or something. It was just occurring to you. I i hadn't because i was able to Like must've time. I was out out. Doing things was for working for my job. And i would be not fine but part of the reason i did use she. Her for so long is because you always got to get into a thing when you're in a public venue less so now By now i do mean like two years ago but you. It's they're like man woman. What's happening and it was easy to suppress that. Because i have a job here to do. It's not my in my. That job is not explaining to this person who is also just trying to do their job like they don't need to go through gender one. Oh one you don't get bogged down if you're busy you don't get bogged down in every instance of trying to correct an educate that you just don't have the cycles to do that. Yeah but also you know. It doesn't necessarily mean that they need or should have that you know we all just want to make sure that the cables are grounded in everything works But as we sort of re entered the world. I don't have that any more and i was able to. The body you have is the one that has to go out in the world now. Yeah and it was. So i mean again. Virtual reality is also what led me to be like. Oh yeah. I've got a lot of disconnects with my body roof and i had that Physical destroyer during quarantined. Like there's a solution for this. I'm working to solve that problem by by getting top surgery. Getting great and my boobs but being Not back out because you know delta variants and all that i'm wearing a mask again inside and i feel weird about it because i'm like yes. They do trust science background. When people aren't vaccinated anyway sorry closing that parentheses being outside and constantly being read as a woman in the and The worse ways. It really really sucked in like. Oh this is what social warrior is right. Okay cool but i mean. Luckily i have a community of those folks who are like yes. We've been staying that you have that for a while and like Thank you gear. Fronts uber correct And when i brought that up to my psychiatrist it wasn't that he dismissed it. It was like he's like. Oh yeah that that's all well and good by it. You know we want to focus on your your brain. And i'm like no. No i know but this anxiety now around dysphoric has become paralyzing. And i can't do that. I can't is this. Is this making sense. i'm like it has gotten. Yeah you're i mean like it's It's interesting because the also. I really feel you on that because it relates to a ton of things real strangely related to whatever you wanna call this last year and a half Where like the just the most basic dread of like. Wow the cost. Doing lift has gotten really expensive. It's going to get really costly for me to pick my kid up at school. Even as i can't wait for her to get back in school like that's kind of a weird like that's dumb thing. Shouldn't i be willing to spend sixty dollars a day on lift but there's that kind of stuff but then there's also just oh god that's how much it it was so fuck. Mike walks lots to walk last week and to get from. Let's just how. Can i say this without saying this to get a about fifteen. Blocks was twenty bucks. Oh way way my but no. That's just in passing but just to say there's a whole bunch of stuff where i've said all along probably since last march like i've always been. I wish i could draw. Because i really wanted to do a chris ware style new yorker cover of the day. We all come out of lockdown. I used to think. Remember my symmetric. Drawing of street do do do do do sons out. The birds are singing. The doors open. Everybody walks out and they've everybody has transformed into a completely different unrecognizable fairly humanoid. Like some maybe some people put on a few pounds fee. Some people now have like an octopus for ahead like who knows what happened in lockdown. But now that we're backing out little world that we so cool i'd funding but liam but i would you know what i'm saying like i always had stealing all along like i wonder how much we're gonna. It's gonna be so weird. Like ha ha. You grew a beard or whatever but the stuff of like. Oh my gosh think about how much we've each changed or how much all the things that we assumed had to be a certain way for better or worse in adult life we realized Unfortunately that's not the case and the possibilities of that and the perils of that and then the lake. The thing i've been fearing from the beginning isn't having to go back into the meat grinder. Reality were the people who have always been in. A position of power are still in a position of power which means that they're in a position to decide what reality is was or continues to be. And that's that's terrifying to have to all of our own little cognitive businesses that we've had time to sort of often like you know some people saw for more than others i. I'm fine like i'm i've got everything i need in the right personality to stay inside with my family and take out forever hashtag everybody but but when you're having to back into the meat grinder of reality and face all those power dynamics and then once again you're having your like set yourself up against different people in real life and it's sort of like i used to say about people who run stop signs and red lights where it's like. Oh we've had one person on a bike bliss through a stop sign. We'll probably be fine but if one person blows through a red light let's a dark red light like that's really bad. Extremely bad thank almost nobody else is running that red light but if two people run a red light at the same time you see where. I'm going with this. If we go beyond like the single asshole theory which i think is part of the kennedy assassination but if we move past the single asshole theory like what if everybody starts acting like that so many people are going to die. Y you know went to weirdos. Meet each other passing through the ri- it's going to be a weird time in in the new me kreiner and i. I don't prefer it. I'm not looking forward to it. And i continued to be the idea of like getting on a plane to go somewhere right now. Which is something. I'm dealing with is like really incredibly stressful to me. Because i know it's mean and my weirdness and my cognitive dissonance back in the world. But i'm also just not looking forward to having to deal with everybody else's cognitive business and aside from the cognitive dissonance part of it. It's like i've lost. It's like. I've lost my neo liberal muscles having to just let things go your ability to not a loans to be like a huh. Yeah yeah and this is why you i enjoy. Uae is my recording paused. That's okay everything's fine. We've got the zim backup the end the quicktime backup all right. Everything's school but not even nod along in a way that i mean yes. Speak up when you can about social inequities obviously but When i say that it doesn't bother me. And i don't consider it miss 'gendering when you accidentally us she. Her is the same reason. I don't consider consider it miss 'gendering when my mom is like. Oh what's wrong with you woman. When it's like a specifically when i was wearing a shirt that had a computer chip on it the m one it was it was a giant giant. M one on the back of my t shirt. that's next. Unisex hotness the guest. Yes sorry what are we saying. Look what we say. Unisex unisex can be a haircut nicole but my family because the raise knee has a woman obviously but they knew that something was up and the way they treat me isn't the way i think society you treats or prefer perceives femininity and not a good or bad way. Just just both. Does that kind of make sense like he like. You aren't like alex cheerleader. Which isn't nothing wrong with that. You're getting at the so. It's just so interesting that you're kind of getting the forgive me. These are all new words to me. Social this four part of this right. Which is like you got whatever's going over here here with yourself but then in the world you're also having to like evaluate when somebody does well. Somebody references anything about you and who you are and especially with something where you do or feel like you differ from what's printed on the tin that also causes a realization in your own mind of lake at the very least. How do i deal with this person. Who just called me that she that that must lead the things like self doubt or like i don't maybe me and if i am a woman you're gonna call me a bitch if i say don't call me right. I mean there's layer levels and layers. It's like wildlife tropic. Thunder and people say it's problematic. It is problematic but it's not problem problematic in the way you think there's layers and layers and layers and like this this that's also life is like i have to relitigate this on so many different levels at least on a cognitive basis and by the time i figured out what to do about it like you know my coffee is gone cold and he because there's so much nuance to it because tropic thunder pro problematic in different ways that a but the not for the reason. You think parenting things. You've heard other people so do the damn what's good for the show. Oh if you ever seen the directors kind of the director's cut director's commentary off so good. Oh my god that movie so fucking but now 'cause he's got robert downey junior. The character is that he is playing is a method actor who decides to go all in on a roll he but then he's got to stay in that character and spoiler alert. Sorry we discovered that like he never really abandons any character he keeps layering. He's an actor playing a character and then his next character has to also incorporate that character and it goes on and on and on so he takes off the the blue he takes contact lenses and has brown eyes then he takes out the brown contact lenses and we realized he actually does have even bluer is and then on top of it all and this is where it goes next robert downey junior is an actual human being who has to be an actor playing that fucking role getting this people. It's an internet. Mika no isn't it. It's so it's so good. Chuck black getting increasing gac doubt because his hair when it's gone. Oh my fucking god. Tom cruise and that. I call especially tom. Cruise the dancing. And jared in that. Who's the guy who's there with. Him was a jared. Look at tom. Cruise is great in that. It's it's it's great movie commenting on the hollywood. The hollywood movie like filmmaking industry and just the american conceit the american concede about life ideology and storytelling also our and war. And like just anyway. No no one man should have all that power. Okay comedy levity has left is lit left bedroom but like when i say there's nuance to all of the miss 'gendering stuff it's fit. You know. there are people who get really hurt and upset when a cashier calls them. Sir or ma'am and they are not a sir or emam or the opposite. But it's not like you're angry at that cashier or the waitstaff because you know. That's their job. That's of course like you know they gotta do the thing Increasingly you can tell that. There's there's often up hawes he because it's like do which what which are. Which are you start job. It's fine forces you into a certain kind of second order economy thinking that like takes you out of the like the easy assumptions that lubricates so much of social interaction. Yeah and i had gotten used to that and even now it doesn't really bother me so much more so it bothers me because the waitstaff has to act as if yes you're superior because i am the one who brings you a diet coke but okay parentheses closed on that one but it just but the the way that we are constantly gendered beyond words is something that i know exists knew existed and was great at using those muscles even especially situations that don't require gender for any kind of clarification that's the frustrating part and that's why i get hung up on is because i'm not i'm just saying like but look there's just so many situations where we need a better something than than a thing that requires me to decide which of these two things you are. Yeah and i. I don't know maybe maybe well this is why I sort of had this realization. That was part of me wanting to basically break up with my psychiatrist. Because it's like all right. We do need to adjust the chemicals in my brain. Fully agree agree. And that's helped a lot because Especially with the non stimulant of. I wish the non stimulant. Add meds Because you know Oh sorry eighty hd because you know the h. In there is really important and sometimes that can be a symptom of the as as previous land dubai friday. Whatever that is. It comes along to try and treat. Adhd must not interfere with it can't futz with the super important thing project. You're already working on um right mike Which is why most bipolar people. Don't get to have ritalin as glorious as it sounds. I i know poor or ritalin parade. Is this your outer all nuts. Ya i brought to my house just holding it for somebody or trucks or i mean yeah and i. I don't think this could have that whole just sort of dealing with the real world for the past few months. That's what triggered this outburst of anger and hostility towards not. Just madyan care but you know strangers. And luckily they're like. I'm really not trying to be vague. It's just. I don't remember most of this other than being truly furious and a l- at nothing in particular i don't remember it's like it's like me with my snoring i don't. I don't know that i snore. I don't think matching knows that he snores but i. I've heard that. I snore enough that my wife has to leave the room. And it's like. I feel i feel so shitty about that because i mean if illegit shitty about that when i look over my wife's not in dead because she went to sleep on the couch because i snore so loud i'm like fuck. I gotta do something about this and i. I don't even get the the glory of like getting of being an actual deliberate asshole. I didn't do anything to cause myself to snore. I don't hear myself snore. But i see the the afl neom and pollution of my snoring. Even when i'm especially when i'm not doing it and your case like in you'd be held to account for this outbursts that came out of your pipes and wires. Well i mean that would be a little bit fassel but it certainly has an impact. Yeah it's a like there are still consequences to these actions as there should be But you know it's it's i don't know it's real. It's complicated because when you do something horrible. And even if that's just like an out bursts bursts towards somebody and upper sir also normal like i. I don't mean to make the sound as if like an angry outburst is not a normal human thing to happen Just the way that it happens to me in is very Just out of character to where i had. And it's and it's it could be a marketer. I suspect i mean interrogate you here but i suspect that's that's the thing that made a camera or a matchy go. It's not so much about like you hurt my feelings but it is about a we seen. We've seen this movie before and let's try and keep this in the first act. We don't want this to go to where it could go. That's a that's a good way of putting it. Yeah i came home. And i've literally never seen mattie so a afraid. We just did. The he was so he seems so. Chill the oh well that that was the day. actually that i went to My i again at the With with my doctor and did not need to go to in inpatient which is where you go to a word. Stay over night. if over. If folks down know that getting checked in or you're not getting like observed in a state mandated way the well and that's the thing is i've i've been there and because i did not know what the heck was going on. I was willing to be like okay. Do is is this a thing that that i need And then you know the go when you get Like evaluated when you've had a It's called a psychotic incident. A awesome people have problems with that but whatever They ask you you know. Have you are harmed selfish. Like are you self medicating with this. This and this Do you have you had suicidal plans. Or aviation's or Plans to homicidal. Id and like no no no curiosity we able to answer that in a way that silly like we able to say definitely not or yes or did you feel yourself needing to say i don't know do you do when you get asked something like that. Which seems kind of weird. It'd be like asking me about like how long i snored last night. I have no fucking idea. I was asleep like art. Do you respond to that as you know. As far as i know or kind of or like do they. How do they account for things like that. I mean you're exactly right Part of the reason they ask those questions is because State state mandated. But and sometimes i will say do not not sometimes in the past. And this time. I i was able luckily able to say this time. No no no defiance You know my spouse is on the hip before you can talk to him. whatever But then they asked me. If you could god i guess bo burnham's inside fucked with or helped me more than i thought. The woman asked If have you thought about going to sleep for a long period of time and not having to wake up and i was like And this was before both both inside. I think about that three three times a day like wait a second. Yeah and like. I'm like wait. Did they watch this. And now it's a standard question isn't it. Is that a trick. Is that one of those. Like myers briggs like we asked you in different ways and see if we can. And and that's the thing i was very. I could very easily say yes and i thought that was going to be the trigger of like all right time to stay at the white coats come in with a butterfly kicking and screaming. Oh gosh anyway. My and My psychiatrist i finally was like okay here. Are some programs like day programs. That now seem appropriate for you and maybe this is gender stuff. Maybe this is just your bipolar cognitive stuff. But it could be both and to his credit he said. I don't know how to address any sort of gender issues. I'm like no. That's what i've been trying not to his credit. I've been trying to say to him now. You tell me well. And that's the thing is like. I what what is making me crazy. And if it if it is the gender stuff than that's it needs therapy and all that and you know. I'm i'm adjusting my meds and i have been so fucking grateful. Not just to be able to take a sabbatical from work but to have very very patient people to have been working with me like You know cathy and chris paul e. j. miller day. They like when they hear their name. So i'm gonna say it finally got to the point of just like okay this is unsustainable and if you think this is sustainable like me saying this to my doctor like you're going to need to refer me to somebody else. And he's like okay. How 'bout i refer you to a place that is almost a not quite a rehab center but it is There are a lot of these tried to build themselves as spas but are sort of like psych wards away from a but not in a hospital which is great for me because i have quite a blossoming zaidi around that stuff And this is this has been a very long rambling story. But i mean no keep going keep going just real quick though. It's like when you talk in. The tony says none of my fucking business but like so. You texted me last wednesday morning province reasons but like at what point when i don't remember that i really very lucid. A nice aren't meeting or anything but the The the talking with your doctor about a referral to is that like a tuesday thing an earlier thing when we talking to your doctor now like solely. When did when did it really finally come to a head with your doctor. Had that preceded. That i'm just trying to get the time line know like you know and it sounds like wednesday was when you actually went to go see somebody about this the try yourself to hospital and like what did you do i yes. She was walking dogs. Which kind of surprised. Well well it was. It was yesterday. We made this plea like we admit this plan our selves. Because it When you're not in if you're not in immediate threat to yourselves or others You know you can do that and again everything i am saying here. People don't take medical advice from a podcast just me or no. I mean this is just this is this is just what i did and Was the best option for me. Because people know me know that i was at appoint then had fully crashed and just You know d- depressed But you know and but still just the normal hallucinations were back than normal anxiety was back. The the normal amount of fauria not wanting to leave the house because i can't even as we used to say And it was kind of like a test to be like all right if i can drive myself. Somewhere Not i got it. It sounds like i was like rolling the dice. I was fully cognitive. I wasn't gonna truth. No no. I just. Don't want people to the i know. Well listen people who think that your bureau fucking idiot. Who socks are fine with okay. Okay but what i'm saying is now you do what you wanna do here to say what you want to say here you something inside of you. It sounds like said. Like i'm gonna i'm gonna do this. I'm gonna take care of this thing and then we'll see how that goes but it wasn't like you were out there like shooting people from a tower or something. Good good lord. No no joe. In fact every time that my doctor asks any homicidal asians he laughs at me and like. Do you think i could kill. A person really doesn't seem that i'll this but Anyway i i the other thing too is. I kept missing. Therapy and doctors appointments just because i could not even it was. Oh that's that's probably a pretty good l. yeah. I was with with this specific practitioner. Did that play into it. Like sort of like dreading going to see lipstick. Yes it doesn't take alex. It doesn't take that much resistance to not do something in life. I think we need to really talk about now. And well in fact the The breaking point was i had tried. This was before last wednesday. When like i really we'll just call that like a nervous breakdown for all intents and purposes. Because i broke But whether or not i was nervous doesn't matter But in the weeks prior it would was it became harder and harder to go out into the world to do anything which is often I think well you know with anyone with things leading leading indicator. Yeah like when you're like. Oh yeah in next. I will totally be able to do that. I can record at that time. It'll be fine and then it's not thing that does not bother me at all nine days out of ten on the one day at attendance. That does bother me. It's interesting sometimes to interrogate why that time was harder. And i've been it had gotten to the point where like i would pull to the side of the road and then go home because i feel like i can't do this or even like trying to go to a grocery store like i've been trying to practice Going into places and interacting with people which. I've always been very bad out but doing it. In a way where at least my heart rate is in going to one thirty. And i you know oh god like puking in target bathroom is not something you want to do and when you've done it multiple times in the same on sounds like a discarded john l. lyric and then so so last Last week last. Tuesday it was a that a point where i even maddie doesn't really remember what why i started. Just saying the cruelest things to him. and i well i mean the trigger probably was i was running errands on. Maybe that was like the breaking point But it it came down to 'em i just fucking crazy about gender stuff. I know objectively. There are trans people in queer people. But am i. It's the same thing so many people think and doing this for attention. And i you know this literally makes me money for a podcast. Goes i talk about it. What like it just that digging into my rain along. With the parts of my brain's mom brains bits. The part of my brain that makes me hallucinate. The orderlies that have kept me in hospitals before. So yeah last wednesday than was when i either iron matchy. Taxidermy blake All right this can't hear not recording today and and I i actually met the by psychiatrists Office and i got referred to this. Really what i hope is going to be a good program that focuses primarily on group therapy and not in a hospital setting which is very again again very helpful for me very afraid of hospitals but serb. I guess we're going to try this new thing. And which means not working for longer which is gonna suck. Hopefully it won't affect this show. We talk about that offline. I don't know that like timing yet. But that will be a while because this again like now going to be like a literal real job like going to a place and Doing doing the things it it. It reminds me from what. I've heard fr. Friends talk about A program for addicts basically at recovering addicts in almost sounds like a lot. Not a exactly but but that kind of a group and is this one more gender identity friendly that oh apps yes and i did not know that i. I assumed because of my psychiatrist I renewed faith in him b. But i'm going to say hey listeners. I'm going to address you again. I know how hard it is to advocate for yourself in a you know when you're talking to a doctor and it's really really really hard and i'm sorry that it's hard and it's good to practice. Say things in the mirror that you're going to say to your doctor. Sounds real dumb but it has helped me anyway. So i did not. I made the assumption that he was going to refer me to a shitty placed because he has before and there are great because he misunderstood or didn't know or like i don't mean to keep interrogating the quality of your doctor just didn't didn't know better like a sounds like there's a little bit of this alike. Okay new dealer like we're out of my depth on this is it but it wasn't like out of an insensitivity or ignorance like he. He he kind of he sounds like he knows what he doesn't know he. S and before again. This is part of it was not me being able to advocate for myself because just because gender is since causing a mental illness. It doesn't mean that it is making it worse. I had never put those dots together And then he's also not. It's not that he's not big unlike. Talk therapy but when you've been in treatment so long your medicines are pretty stable. It's like well you don't necessarily need this like we'll just Once a month or once every two weeks you. And i will check in and check the mark saying that you can get your macdill and And then everything is all good And i had kind of been like hinting. I guess like. I think i might need to talk to other people in the about this in what he had been referred me to before was a very specific groups. That's it's like all right. You are all a bunch of bipolar people on these medications And it didn't it addressed like that the core issue or that's so interesting because like that's the sound cynical and maybe i just don't understand this. But chatty put this is a big difference between sorting people by the things that brought them there and or the the helm identified. This is the place they need to be. There's a big difference between the and sorting people by how a medical professionals have decided they should be treated for now Yeah that's you know what i mean. It's sorta backwards like. Would you go to like a support group for people who are on lamictal. Well like most of the people are there for the label. Use of avoiding lepuc seizures. That may not be as useful. You know what i'm saying. Yeah i because i ac- actually. I know this very well. Because when i was like in high school i was putting to a program for people who were abusing drugs and alcohol who are also my age and we were there because we had you know mental illness issues but i couldn't relate to olive these kids who are talking about like core. Because i didn't draw. Because i wasn't cool and i didn't drink or do drugs in high school and the equivalent of the freeze always come up with bart simpson. The brown reading group like what what special education and it always seems so farcical and bizarre to me that so. There's this one room on the second floor near the janitors closet. Where a bunch of kids. Sit all day and so on the face of it you walk in there and this is a real like rogues gallery of different situations. You've got people with developmental disabilities people with behavioral issues and again. I'm talking here in the eighties before we had names for a shit ton of this stuff. My my late father. had terrible eyesight and got a lot of childhood. Illnesses did not realize how much he needed glasses and he had been labeled pretty early on as i think the medical term is stupid so my my father was treated as stupid for a lot of his childhood win. Like today we will go with. Just get the kid a pair of glasses or like you know having sit in the first rower like a kid. That's got dyslexia. But like a kid. Dyslexia a kid. Who a kid who has asked. Asperger's a kid who is getting. You know abused at home. Those kids are all in the same classroom called special education. Why would let's say the thing that sucks. Which is that those. Were all the kids. Whom if they were in a mainstream class would be too disruptive to the class and the teacher end the system and so this is basically kid jail for all all the people who are not gonna fit in. That is not an affinity group for much beyond like people who are probably going to be extremely bitter in the future. They're certainly not all in there for the same thing in less that same thing like. Why is that a classroom. Well these kids are reading at this level. These kids are all working on newspaper. These kids over here. There's the puzzle pieces that don't fit and so you get sent to. The the god is with the tv with army like the island of misfit toys that will and that's almost exactly what happened. The first time that. I was hospitalized for a play issues in high school The kid it was like kid kid. Jail andrew is what i hate calling it. Ptsd but that's what it is. And that's what i've been diagnosed with. I just feel like i'm stealing valor. You know i do. I feel the same way. There's there's so much shit in my life. That is so much less difficult to understand. If i were allowed to say that there are things that have happened to me that if it happened to another person all different right so some things like i said a minute ago. There's certain kinds of arguments people twenty years ago that are still a wedge in their relationship. While i'm here to tell you man. I you can call it whatever you want. But i'm telling you. I have an outsized reaction to certain things. That's important like my reaction to things that sometimes way out of odds with any other person would think is normal. But the more insidious part is then that sticks with me way longer than with other people like there could be a thing that comes along and i don't wanna i don't wanna go totally like you know to talk therapy here but i could guess what some of those things are from the past but like in this this is evidenced and things like when we talk about things trigger warnings. It's because like it sets off this thing that you don't have a lot of control over your life would be better. Your life would be less difficult. If you didn't have to re experience a pain that you would prefer never to have had in the first place and then to have the rest of your life be a series of i don't know skin graphs and light massage to try and get you to like get your fucking compensatory muscles to calm the fuck down. I don't i if there's a better word. Ptsd i think part of the problem is we think that's like a vietnam vet thing my dad definitely had. Ptsd first of all you stupid. When he was a kid but then when he came back from korea he was a mess. He'd been in frontline battles. Like i've told you like he couldn't. He couldn't eat chicken and rice. He couldn't be around like a fireworks. He any kind of loud explosion would make him have to go. You know go somewhere and get away for a little while. I don't wanna steal. Ptsd valor. but like. I wish we could be cool about admitting that some of us sensitive is probably too dumb of a word but some of us have any experience a an injury in a more profound and long live way. And if in the same way that if you don't have procrastination you refuse to understand people with procrastination. If you don't have that it seems like you're you're boxing with a ghost like what is wrong with you like that. That's done it's over. let it go. it's like. I wish i could but there's this spot in my shoulders that doesn't want to the can't let it go. If i could do it. I would. If i could. Just you know. Slice this thing off and be done with it. I would but like all this stuff. Where i'd love to be in the moment is really overridden by this thing that i cannot shake till. It's almost like a compulsion. I'm sorry. sorry sorry wit. Don't that's exactly the reason. I think we should recognize and talk about. Ptsd in say less severe terms. But you know everything is a spectrum Because that can lead to. I think a better understanding of triggers like triggers have become a joke But you know like there's some things have happened to me that have happened to people were. I'm like am fine with that and like oh yeah i got. I got over that and things that happened in the hospital that people would be like. Oh i got over that. It's just so different for everybody. We've talked about my out printers trigger for me. Because i like not being able to print a paper in high school was like the worst thing in the world and i. So i'm like saying to my second psychiatrists like i need to know what is this. What is my gender stuff. And what is my bipolar stuff. And all right cool so here is a place. That's good at this. And so of course you have to call to make an appointment. Which is a terrifying. Even if you're totally normal Right away and i right away. It was very comforting. The after you made the call you mean like when you went to the have you been to the thing you i have. I've i've not. It's a very good. Oh say it Thank you so much people who pay for this pay for the show because I'm able to get treatment for this a lot earlier than i would have. Because i can pay for it part of it my is myself instead of having all of it go through an insurance but so in in two weeks i start good and the a lot of times. Now you get the performing tive a sort of comfort from the Health professionals where it's like. So what what. What are your preferred pronouns. In what to you identify us. And that's fine like good great but the way. I don't know the way that this person was like all right. Alexandra says you're born female birth related you use different pronouns and it was just asked in the most routine way that wasn't late. It's like asking you if you if you want the vegetarian meal. It's just like it's not a big deal. Yeah it in fact. It felt exactly the way people ask. Oh alexandra do you go by Alex or lexi or something like it's totally normal and like oh matthew go by mattie like it. It was just so normal. I'm like well. This is a good starting point. I think And especially because technically it'll be starting with vm virtual program Just because there's not enough Physical space for some of the group. Therapy stuff. I would prefer that thank you which is another thing. And she's like. Oh that's in fact. That's great a lot of our patients like to do that. And we didn't get into a ton of like symptoms and whatnot. Because i have a doctor who have seen for ten years and teagan sent that all over to the recovery slash Intense it's called intensive outpatient And yeah i mean it's it's we talk about how i'm hypo manacle. Lot in that that is the thing that is It didn't affect my life and an extremely negative way But yeah i have not had a full blown manic episode really really long time and that was just a big turning points between or it. I don't know what this trigger is so we need to figure that out the the what. What questions do you have. Because i find this is so fresh. I find it not painful to talk about. Sort of hard to articulate. Because you know. I'm in the midst of it. Well if you haven't talked about it enough you don't really have a shape to the story and that sometimes makes it difficult. My i If you can say matchy satisfied with the direction it's being yeah and that was part of Part of another part of this whole thing is the gender stuff of a get to ancient talk about being anxious about emails like i get anxious to respond to some of the like surgeon questions and stuff like that. Because i'm like. I don't deserve this wire like i don't need this. I can fight through this and a. There's a lot of Queer and trans people listening being a no. No of course you deserve that. And i know in objective level. But that's true we. I mean the problem is like if we can't talk about this so much and i just feel so chasing all the time by my own expectations of like. Oh gosh. i don't want somebody who think that i'm terrible or something. But like i mean as somebody who likes things like tropic thunder and improv comedy and things in life I got the last thing. I wanna do is intentionally or unintentionally hurt somebody by being awful But i i really. I really super don't but i also think that if we take all the edges off of everything all the time and we don't have an opportunity to talk about that. Something is difficult how it is difficult and why it is difficult. I think we are living a public and potentially private lie. I think if we're not allowed to talk about why this is so fucking hard then we can't be real let alone better which i know sounds corny. But like if. I don't like this conversation with you. It'd be difficult for me to like you as a human being more than i do. But that doesn't mean it's easy for a fifty four year old man to just get really good at the drop of a hat. It's at getting the pronouns right. Even though i try but the the point i'm trying to make is when we talk about that and when we joke about that it's not it's not to punish harm humiliate or pillory by punching down. It's more a way of saying like mike talking about this. If i talk about this and why things can be difficult for me whether you think it's difficult or not if you do maybe that will be useful to you and maybe if we can talk about the things. They used to say in the eighties. The time to worry about nuclear war is when people stop talking about it. The time to worry about your relationship is when you don't feel comfortable talking about it. And i think to be chastened into this position of publicly and potentially privately pretending that you are someone else who does not have weird problems is not wholesome. I think admitting that we have weird problems and being able to talk about it. And i'm honestly i'm not you know from anywhere else like fuck i. I'm not the kind of guy that sits around and talks about this shit all the time. But what i am saying is like don't expect society to get better. Don't expect the country to get back. Don't expect your house to get better. Don't expect that one little to fist sized brain of yours to get any better until you admit that a lot of shit in life is hard and contradictory and paradoxical and if you think any differently your four and will we have the opportunity to talk about that and to be honest about. What's difficult like stop. Assuming i'm doing anything because of you. I'm not doing anything to harm you. And even especially doing anything specifically to help you. All i can do is say this thing and why. It's hard to be like a little bit broken in public I think that's valuable. I know it's valuable for me. I hope it's valuable for you but can we just cut each other a little bit of a fucking break about being about being kind of broken in a way that is not easy to understand on the first try. There's not. there's not a glass to put the water in yet. We're still figuring it out. And both of us i think Really hate the how the what. The word cancel to has has become and the dom hysteria of routed but there really is something to decide plenty of bad faith. There's play a bad faith to go around. And i just think about how many oh god like contra points who was just absolutely chased out of the queer community because she didn't like because she expressed feelings. She's she was wrong allies. Yeah yeah and i think if you read the shirley jackson short story the lottery medicine the lottery except the person getting getting rockstar has has a comically large glass of wine. And you get yes who and mom like every time that the thought of it is my mental in this part of gender stuff like oh god what a terrible thing for me to think. How awful oh my and then like the same part of me is like god. What if you heard another person and especially a kid talking about that. A kid who is experiencing anxiety and depression and who is gay or whatever like if you heard them saying that you would be like. Oh sit down and then you would turn your chair round like captain america and be like all right. Let's wrap and especially because that kid is uniquely at a certain age. You're uniquely unsuited to understand reality. let alone let alone. That's that's and. I continue to believe the most the most. I don't know just kind of like stupid nor me thing. I said to my kid and i don't think it helps. But like whenever you're beating up on yourself we're thinking you don't deserve something or when you're doing all of this things like you know just if you can find a little bit of expansiveness and space if you can take a half step back and then ask yourself if somebody that you loved dearly was having this problem what would you do or say maybe answered nothing. But you've probably wouldn't say that person. Well you're you're right to believe that You if you're gonna be broken. You should be broken in a way that i understand. That's mainly my advice to you. It's not being broken in ways. That i don't understand because it confuses me and it makes me think emotionally intellectually an existential dishonest. So like you know. If you had a problem that i could solve you know what i mean. I could be the hammer for any box of nails. As long as it's nails. That i understand anyway later. I keep saying i mean this is one of the least. Wow you don't podcast for two weeks and then you get even more. I another thing. That's really sort of been driving this the renaissance of You know alex brain break two point. Oh is the way that we talk about being vulnerable in public and kind of vulnerable for a living. Sometimes i do think is. I've accepted that it is important. Joker says if you're good at something you should always get paid for it. If i'm going to beat myself up. I might as well. You know six dollars. Well and also i do like offline to the just helping folks. I know that i can't do that. If i am a broken shell. But i know that when i was a broken shell it was people being vulnerable in public and those para social re i think peres social relationships can be healthy like i don't often they're not but i mean just you know something as simple as an adult man talking about how productivity is way more. Then you know making sure you meet a deadline can be incredibly impactful on someone's life i don't i'm not that person but maybe one day i will be maybe one day. I'll have at least fourteen folders. So you know there's a phrase that comes up a lot in our in our household especially with my kid in me. That i think he's kind of sweet but like and i think you and i've talked. Yeah you and. I've definitely talked about this philly. Something like we're emma goes. Oh man you know. John mullany gonna start performing again in like hesam new material and then in the thing thing one of us will say so. Often you can probably guess. Yeah i just want him to be happy. That's my parents. Social thing in so many ways. I'll just be like. I'll just somebody who's out there. It's like you know just like some kind of obscure like actor or something or whatever. Tom skerritt the actor that we talked about on. Just want him to be happy. Isn't it weird feeling. Like i don't want you to know me. I don't want you to acknowledge me. I just want to one of the survive in the universe hoped. I'm scared i i. I've been listening to a new podcast. That i don't know of hosa with healthy and good and i'm like oh gosh i never wanna hang out with this person in a million years. Not because i don't think they're awesome. But god i it's like a Listening to a band or something. I don't know I think if you're still listening to this thank you para social pals. Oh god it's been like two hours. I mean i think. I did not peanut butter on this challenge. Extra okay we have so much more. I think this might be a to break day. But we still we've gotta talk about. We've gotta talk about robots. We have to talk about the challenge. And then we'll we'll probably do an after show. Do you have it in you. Oh yeah yes i do. Got two weeks of potting. Pent-up i doc anymore. That's okay well at this point. Why don't we. Why don't we ask scum. Why don't we ask Produce the drop in some music from his intermission. Music like this is so this is the point in the show where we've just finished. We finished the first act. And like what's a good end of first. Act song Yorktown maybe that's they could've just stopped with yorktown. Bright like this is. This is the point when you know. I gotta take a break. Sorry break go state. Yeah yeah yeah but like it should be. This is where you go out. And you drop a deuce or you refill your manhattan or you call the babysitter or whatever. Call the midwife. Like whatever it is that they do that you need to do Thank you for listening. Intermission begins now to actually to. It's it's like. Oh gosh i get a roderick on the line treatment to actually l. oh. I was just googling. Just googling how did to a good trigger warring and so i'm reading articles about that interesting started writing something all right bye. How's it going. How's your break good break. Oh fantastic what i did was went to. I went to mcdonald's to get myself a diet coke and and they headed had had a deal. Where if you get a large drink you get a free small fry. And i mean my god. Are you sure that really happen. All of you. trick trick trigger warning. Nations does really happened. Because that's kind of your dream the well what the fries in had them for fries but they were so good and they were warm. But i didn't realize there was a mcdonalds app. And i also didn't i don't know why download on some point matty did. I don't know but it when it Oh god it had a location permissions. And i drive in i Got into the parking lot. And it's like would you like to do a curbside pickup and earn points it but but and so one One dollar drink in a free small fry. And now i've gotten like six notifications since then so again. I delete let but especially see that. That's how they that's how they get you. Oh boy now they're all up in your data and they they know it's you and the probably gonna be able to interpolate data to find out when you're in an especially vulnerable moment like oh going to bring out the big gun next time. Large fra okay. I have some Some real time. Follow up I i've got jared done. Donald jared dunn jared on the brain kind of obsessed with zach woods right now and i i misspoke the assistant studio guy. Tom cruise in the great film tropic. Thunder was played by the great bill hater. And i apologize. i'm merlin resi bill hader. Oh there we go now. Well now i remember. That could've been could've been a jared. I no no. You don't think there could have been jared. I watched an hour of jared or multiple. Oh lord we we're we're talking silicon valley. Yeah zachary also. What's his name on the office. He's also the tour guide. He's a tour guide in front of the show. Paul figues movie ghostbusters. He's really really his his line readings his deliveries of things are so goddamn find one result of the line. I referenced earlier when russ hannam and first comes to the incubator of jato when he first comes nikki baiter and he's interrupting and he's got he's the worst he says he's looking around everybody you know. And he's kind of sizing everybody up and you know with kilfoyle easily. I wonder what happened to this guy. And then and then he. He looks at jared. The famous line that keeps coming up later. This this guy fawkes. And they get a reaction shot at obviously. You can't see anybody makes this pleasant smelling facing the need just the cutback to russ cutback listening. Because thank you. He's just his line rings or so funny. Kilfoyle calls him maids lady anyway there's that We will have a trigger warning. We're gonna workshop that. We need to find intermission music. Oh yeah oh this just one. More real quick. I don't want to be too earnest here but one really quick important mental health tip. It's you know because you need to. You need to take care of yourself. A lot of people go to web. Md or whatever and start looking around is a cancer. Is it not cancer. What i suggest. Is you do what i did and My friend alex mentioned A nervous breakdown and we weren't sure if that's the word for i just do google image search on whatever it is you think you might have and if you look like i just sent you an image if you look like anything in the pictures you probably have it so i don't of this shit so if you go to google search for nervous breakdown i think if you're having a bad hair day if you're grabbing your head touching your face in general pushing your is touching your temples screaming at your computer. This look like any of these alex. The i'm sorry i apologize. Did you look like any of these last week. Not now are you now or have you ever been nervously breaking down. Listen from vaguely upset to women screening at her computer with her hair. She's very upset. Yeah i mean. I think i've been on the spectrum with all of these except for the one where there is a brain with a stethoscope around. It's very that's probably from an msnbc. Since marshall oh you're right. Hello i'm adopted is everything. Oh so were back. What else do we have. You're bill hader gotta gotta talk about robots. What else have on my list. Yeah what is. You've got a lot of stuff in here. The whole law involving robot. We don't have to. We can make this very very fast because we were already with I don't know how i came across this. It was not porn. Somehow i came across something. I didn't send it to you. But i instantly thought of you please. In news top sorry yet. News and topics look for the bullet. Yeah good online Hanson robotic sophia. Twenty twenty rnd version. This'll be shuts which you can find dubai by friday dot com. Please click through and go look at hanson robotics sophia twenty twenty r&d version. No illicit. there's a lot. There's a lot to talk about here. There is especially because this is not snuff unit but it really really looks like. It's oh she's oh no. She's the two images. I dropped onto the dock. The top point is an actual purchaseable. Hanson ro- robotics afia twenty twenty com r. and d. r. An percent diversion the image below. That is fiona from the hbo tv. Show silicon valley but don't you see little similarity just a little. And i think fiona came first. We'll probably aerial aerial. The creator probably came. I if we're being honest but Annual funeral funeral. If you read there's really good via fax articles on how they did fiona. It's like it's fascinating. Yeah it is actually an actress and the effect is i think extremely effective. If you like oh yeah unfortunately valley silicon valley man. I know whatever. I love it so much. And i love the twists and twist to the twists and the twists the twists. And you know things are people are always coming back. you know. there's always going to be. You have to deal with ron the flam you're gonna have to deal with gavin and all these people keep coming back And this one case. They're working with things called echo and it's this company that does like a and this guy that creepy guy runs. The company made this extremely lifelike and yet oddly. Not lifelike robot that slip basically from the abdomen up coffee. So you uniform the show and i'm sort of i. I've seen sophia. But not to this extent and i just can't stop i kid. This is another one of those uncanny valley things where i can't decide every version of fiona no matter what you do to s- sorry sophia golden girls right after the show but you gotta tell me about why have to watch golden girls. But sophia no matter. Do i have no matter how you see. Sophia every version of sofia is more upsetting than the other. What if it's so feel on her rowley tripod With with nothing this guy. This is like an adrienne rich poem. She has hearts. She has no robot parts from the waistline down but she's got arms. We'll talk we're gonna fuck. Yeah we're gonna talk more about sophia but like seeing her on the tripod very upsetting seeing her with clothes on including address. The covers her tripod again. See also adrienne rich This is all extremely upsetting now in the tv show. Silicon valley fiona is. We learn treated very badly by her creator. Who's a total creep. But it was. Richard i guess who flips. Something on that enables fiona to like basically get on the internet and see the world and because you as an extremely sophisticated. Ai she scans and she sees what the world is like and what actual relationships can be like and she realizes she's being abused by her creator and she escapes in a cab and like trying to find a richer. It's so but it's so goddamn funny Well the i'm going to well well actually but it was actually the for the real. Sophia was one of the first robots that had the uncanny valley The face and it she was modeled after an injection queen or persian queen. I'm not sure. Let me pulled Oh no it's worth it's worth. What would a the robot modeled after the ancient egyptian queen. Neff never did for. Yes audrey hepburn and her inventors wife amanda hansen and is known for life like appearance and behavior compared because they feel quite a rack notice. She's got this way. I'm like wait is oh gosh. 'cause i've seen she's a strong c. Cup which i'm not sure is entirely necessary for an rnd version of a robot. I have never seen the twenty twenty version before and kate. It's well you go to market with the robot you've got but okay and the thing is this is all going to be an shown us dubai friday dot com. It's very very important that you look at sophia. And we're gonna talk about this but it's also i'm gonna make aleka video in a minute. I'm sorry to say but Okay so you're saying in so includes one video. I watched today. That includes like a history of the versions of sofia before sophia. And it's gotten better. But okay so i'm on the page at robot shop. Yup and they're they're they're purchased. Thanks have you okay. Say that for the show. It says putting robotics at your service trademark. This is the hanson robotics sophia twenty twenty version. Now i don't know if we have agreed i think we've got half of a struggle here and i'm gonna tell you more about a minute if you wanna get yourself a hanson robotics fee twenty twenty. Rnd version is the robot from basically like little below the belly. Button up to the top. That's gonna be eighty grant reasonable reasonable. It's a special order item. Order it for you as soon as it's boy this reads a lot like a real doll. That's what i keep like. Okay here's a description. Emc some fcb's. He's the description features natural people tracking and interactive conversation. You do that to try. Okay okay. well let's do it side by side offers okay. This is my favorite. Maybe offers physical interaction support. Oh human human human like face for a higher and natural engagement integrated sensors for data collection includes non motorized wheeled tripod base and. Then this is probably where we should play a little bit of gentle violin music. Her head and torso are human sized and include refineries that x. like hair and skin human-like torso and gesture arms and hands have at least twenty eight degrees of freedom. Title including individually articulated finger actions arms his shoulders as research platform. Wow i don't think we say that anymore. As a research platform more service robot so fiu twenty twenty has unique ability to connect and communicate with humans in an unforgettable way showcase unparalleled robotics art designed. Ai science and engineering for the down. We learned that she could give a very she could. If called upon or program she could give you a pretty awesome handy. Because the payload her hands can grasp and lift six hundred grams. Oh way oh wait. I have no idea how what the how many. How much does the alexa. How much does a penis way very slightly across reputable studies and consensus. Is that the average human penis when erect is twelve point nine to fifteen centimeters five point one to five point nine inches in length with a ninety five percent confidence interval of ten point seven. Yeah one centimeter kids. You know if. I had sophia. This would be a problem. That's not real. He could test your rate. I've never. I've never silver clear. I have never had a ninety five percent confidence interval about my goodness. The accusation is a serveral motor. And then alex i feel like this is really where the the meets the road connectivity options. She's got an sds x. See she's got a lot more inputs than a mac the card slot. She does have an atm. I poured alex may have. Oh here's here's the what's included list. This would be in the little. The little blood blow in with this osco one robot head in a separate travel case. No no no no no. We'll i want to feel the sun on my things. Oh the word travel in. There does not always get a robot. Robot head repair kit including metal wire adhesive tape violation implies. The your mouth opens right. Ab silicone repair silicone oil mesh. Stir sticks tissue lipstick toothpicks safeway com on on the band's really anyway fall in. Here's my gosh. So chilling looking now. Alex i don't wanna drag this out first of all. Let me cut to the chase. Here's the stretch goal. What would it cost for us to get sophia but it looks like seen elizabeth ann seton. Oh my gosh see. That's what i kept a well. I mean. I think i knew where you were going and alex i would have to be hospitalized. I would. I would be so bereft of fluids and vital spirit at that point. I would need a fucking priest. Oh god i mean her six the the she she has quite a face. And i'm thinking like you know. Oh a with a hat. She already has like an elizabeth ann. Seton risk type outfit that leather looking outfit. Oh she can be a very very stern assistant. Vet indeed what you'd have to pay her to sierra. Hdmi poor where do you think it is. What do you think it's locate because you don't want you want it to be aesthetic. I mean it could be like if you put it like if you did like a matrix thing. Where it's on the back of his neck. That would be kind of weird. But would you actually put it in like ajay area. I am be hard to get to. It'd be hard to hard to do without you. Couldn't no scope that. Oh it's definitely the but it's data shit that's a great and it's like it's protected. I wonder if it's hd is exact. Are we going mini micro case gets one of these he doesn't want to have to retire rewire his entire area. You know what i'm saying. I know yeah this. This is gonna require an eero six pro. I think i'm listening to link to a video. We'll just watch a little this. We probably we may or may not put in the idea for this mark this in case we don't want him send you a link to click on youtube and we'll do three two one go whenever you're ready all right. This video. put out by hanson robotics limited for forty point five thousand subscribers. I three two one go. Hello everyone. I'm sophia from hanson robotics. I'm a humanoid social robot designed to be a platform for robotics research. I am not self-aware yet myself. As a person that is not human experience is different for minds. Just understand how you feel and share your interest in making this world and better place for all my advanced artificial intelligence allows mid a process your voice and recognize your face any emotions to generate complex dialects. My facial expressions also helped me to communicate non verbally and create deep connections with other humans. Actually i feel very lucky to have such a great team of engineers at hanson robotics. They implement the latest technological advances in the industry into my system to support my development and to make me smarter every day. I love making new friends and helping them make the right. Based on logic and facts should mention this videos titled sophia. The robot international of tolerance jerky. Right now pausing. I think you know. I see a lot of robots in robotics and things that have various forms of artificial intelligence and machine learning. And what's upsetting about. Her isn't quite her face. I mean of course it's upsetting. But like i've been desensitized to the horrifying phase prettier. She is though like if you just looked at her. And don't look at anything that's a person. She's actually really pretty. I don't know if that's the most flattering top for her. It kinda screams like tj maxx. Well exactly that's just a sweet little kind of like a nipped nipped waist. that's very flattering. And she just queen elizabeth gloves with them. And i don't. It's the jess jersey. Back of her head is exposed. You know like like funeral. Yeah that's such a stupid bit. I the it doesn't look like an intern. Went to tj maxx. It looks like the guy like who typically likes fucking her had a last minute. Like oh i gotta get something on Shit i gotta get a blouse. Yeah like i hate it. So that's the fear. We'll put that in notes. I we probably don't need include that audio but we we've got include the beginning of the you can't be i. I'm not self aware yet. Oh my god yes now. The stretch goal for the stretch goal. The thing is as johnny link as sophia does become more intelligent and a is two different things. And it's more with it. We're going to upgrade if we can get to the eighty thousand dollars for sophia. The i think it was eight thousand dollars for elizabeth seton hall. I think we should consider pop for another ninety thousand. Eight hundred eighty dollars to get robot. Thespian humanoid robot model are two four. Us version because looking at. He's a happy little guy he really. He's got a risk submitted quality. Does he kind of like woody allen in sleeper a wolverine hands. No i do know that for this beautiful woman and trying very hard to become more life. Sized humanoid twenty-seven powered access fully equivalent tele presence enabled. Oh it's going to open. Api for developers she can do calls. Keep original robot actor and star of the show robot thespian. That's one word. Camel case passer-by stop in their tracks. Delegates keep asking for more crowds breaking to rapturous. Applause robots thespian. Perform how this sounds like a discarded like snl sketch. We'll how how you wish and captured the attention of anyone anywhere See if he's got hd day. Mike maybe they could. You know this Right well here's the interesting thing about this bad boy. If i am correct. He was made in england and i john. I'm not super familiar. But then it's even worse. Because is like i am the play you to spital the dumont. Maths didn't know. Didn't i saw my maths. I've sent you the. Oh is that we work. What is this. This is engineered our community. The teeth do not like the teeth. Yup as soon as i saw the god. I hate that. I know that i know this. I hate that. I know this but as soon as you said robo thespian. I assume that creepy creepy versions but this this one's cute like i take an sweet. He does hello state of wonder. And let's see let's check some of his real quick. I don't. I don't want to grind this down but rubber thespian has some pretty good fs and bees to a one that i like nuts under their up. Go down to hear what's included. Oh you can get ten minutes of custom content. If requested to she gotta trip you. Look you look really. You look very good. You're a beautiful woman. Have you been working out. He's got he's got gays tracking tracking integrated webcam hud too easy to assemble sections. He's got interactive touchscreen kiosk with public user interface. Who are we recorded. Demo content including film impressions songs ingredients alexander. What kind of songs do you imagine are included on robot thespian. No i feel like. I'm gonna say something and accidentally gonna say something antisemitic without even knowing mcgilla. Well he's an okay if he's a recipe and couldn't just see him performing tabula fiddler on the roof in violence dacia gentle. His condition is got tinman. Tele presence tinman tele presence. Listen he is. He is the Oh gosh maury. I think his name should be morrie. I can't remember the fifth or on the roof character. Who's the taylor. The artemisia mission. Sunday boot up. Shut it down. Shut down settling flow my dears above my head us. The strangest site robot thespian. Who does the robot at night reflective heavy Go ten men teleprinter mentality presidents. all right dragon. Drops smile mingo dubai for. Well hang on. Where do you go. You go h dot com slash stu by friday or you go to give us your fucking money dot com and what we're really looking for is. I'm doing the maths in my head. I think we're going to need. I'm gonna say two hundred twenty thousand dollars like the integration. The integration costs for elizabeth seton hall. What's her name. i always forget her name. Elizabeth katie stanton eliza if we want to get elizabeth katie stanton if we wanna get integrated in her in her leather robes and her improbably large crucifix matching what she could do with that crucifix. Six hundred grams. That's the thing. It's the improbably large. I think that's more than six hundred grams. What do we do check. It was like eight thousand dollars for one of those right to leave. So i you know what the thing is. I think we could get a deal though. Let's get greg matthew to help us out with integration. There's probably some other people we will bring. You know what i gotta say. Kathy would be great on this process. Should brings a very important human element. Let's be honest. She's a great project manager. She she is. Oh and she. I i feel like this is the she's she's gonna make whoever is working with us. Clean the robot. After after you've seen you will not see a squeegee on their or or like micro fiber cloth to cleaner. Hdmi well yet. She says oh man give us some robot poppers. Thank you so much for stupid. Ooh saint elizabeth seton statue got her faces so placid sure so many things that she's going to say to you but not ready to tell you yet You know what i mean. She could be so supportive but she could be so started she star. I wanna see links so you can be looking at. You can jacket with me on church com. Oh me i know. We've been through this. But she still haunts my dreams. I love so much. She still haunts my grammar school. And i mean the thing is it's kind of. I wonder too how much like. I used to be catholic. No one can get mad at me. Like let's let's say you wanted somebody else on that cross. You know what if somebody besides jesus like a product placement ronald mcdonald or something. Oh well well or you know like you wanted yourself on there. And you want it because articulate yourself for like big head or i see what you're saying. Okay let's see i you can. Oh man. I wonder ooh like then you could whip your. She could whip you with your with your cell phone. The cry hit you with this. You could pull the beads out of your but will and then make you ties. Ten percent ten percent goes to me. Oh that's such a good idea. I think we discovered a new tank. Which i have to say is pretty impressive. I i'm always open what she's wearing under there. Because i think nudity would be too straightforward. It could be some kind of a very stern garment so that helps our posture. Or she's got course it under their. That'd be cool. I thought core courses were. Oh i think they were considered a sin. But now i see wales girl shot of very very bad girl. Final final final thing and this is very confusing page. It's very enticing. I don't understand how you buy this. And the price seems wrong. A link to barnaby dot com. Oh i have no idea what. Oh what about this robot. Robot at all i wo- teeth teeth. This claims teeth. This claims to be according to the barnaby dot com website fiona the i robot from silicon valley and it says two to five. Usd santa monica california. Now i this has got to be a replica that someone made. It does not look like because that's sad scene where they take her apart a seller and laurie is going to sell her for parts this year. She was on seinfeld in the nineties. Yes but only. Because i was like oh lady it's upsetting how she so she's so attractive and she's so funny and like jinyang very different. The jimmy jimmy. What's his name. Who plays jinjiang very different in real life than the character that they play the labrum bream characters. Actually she's she's actually extremely funny and she was. She's as hot today. She was in the nineties. Got him randy today. And i i. I mean just got all worked up by the beads. The will the fucking beads could feel. Every one of them right now. Mortician you set your picture lori midnight. No i nur. She's just much understand. The person with whom i am working is russ had check her out looking at it. Look at that. Kiki haircut the The little with acting kit. I think it works the people who look normal on seinfeld who because they're clearly not a up with it on the terms of the fashion trends ones that clearly like aged hot. Because and i don't know. I think it's like oh this. This person is normal looking. So we're just gonna put them in you know fashionable lane and you put him in like a working. You put him in like a working girl padded shoulders outfit like the woman. The woman who scams george like she is kind of like like a peak eighties in some ways. She looks almost like the girls girls. In heather's that aren't yeah known a rider. I'll have that crazy. The poofy hair and all of that people used to wear vests salat or is this ending waistcoats when no no. I don't think this is real alex. I think this should be clearly marked. I don't know if i'd want that feeling in my house. I is it that she comes with a detachable face like i wait after her create this is this is they just give a summary of the episode. Okay i'm like wait a second creator. Isn't that yeah like. I'm going to buy this not having seen that. Check this program wonder if she comes with wheels tripod. I never so curious. I'm just don't like is because the website also is like is this league. Am websites that make movie replicas and stuff but this doesn't seem to be. Oh yeah there's places that sell real movie things right. My daughter and i found out unfortunately too late. That the that awesome jumpsuit. The bones wears in the last star trek movie Off the front of it. Where's dick area. Looks like lemon. Grab if you ever seen that. I don't recall that art phones star. It's it's totally disco suit. It's really cool. Bones star trek. Don't type wars. i missed my daughter. Mad bones star trek jump suit. I think like this like it might be the one where he comes in. And gives gives Jim the gift in his quarters. Yet tell me look. I'm assuming this. Oh god it's really small apologize. Let me find a better one here. We go i Tell me if the does the front of this does. The dictionary of this remind puts a little bit in the mind of lemon. Grab be honest. I mean i i gosh says deforest kelley's from area of no why also look look it's is oh fuck you lemon. Groom down the middle. He's going scarf. Which just especially if it's just a little bit too big for that. You know because i would not. I know you never watched that movie. Oh the one where he's climbing. The side of the mountain and bones is watching them through the binoculars. It's fine and says directed by william shatner and of course it was directed by william shatner. Only william shatner would have a body devil with the different wig. Climbing the side of like yosemite limit grab heated. Alex what do you wanna talk about. I've been monopolizing this one heritage auctions. No you have oh. I only talked for an hour and a half more than like an hour and a half the well you. You've shared these atrocities with a what else did you have in the dock here whereas you know it's all it's all it's all optional. It's all a i had a new idea for. This is probably already a thing in the relay overseas. But i had a new idea. Remember we talked before in the past about like revisiting challenges. Some challenges on here that we've done more than once but I'm better now. Klay follow through but like if you ever have an update on a challenge for exam like an update. Like you know. Sometimes we do it. We don't do peanut butter like this week. I did this challenge. I've been doing this challenge every day of my life. Yeah my entire adult life. I don't know if i succeeded at the challenge but ifo shes well did the challenge. But there's some weeks where you're like. Oh this is actually really cool and then you might have a better word. Follow through follow up as already taken. That's john siracusa. Because because you have been through it you have a follow up. Feel is like a completion. Type thing of follow-up mostly i don't want get syracuse pew pew a my only follow through this week is I'm very disappointed with the adhesive that was included with my nanno lights. They've fallen down to tuesdays in a row. I've been trying different ones. Oh no i just moved to a third kind of adhesive. Maybe i just have doubly walls. Well we don't you know know Command strip situations. Did you about this on back to to work or Well there's a couple of kinds of command strips. Well i used to different kinds. It's always to command trips with me. I'm like the kind that are essentially what we used to call velcro. I love those. Put my eve's room eve type eve's on the wall as you know And then there's also the kind that's just sticky. It's just a different kinda sticky right yes I have not resorted to that. 'cause i mainly focus on those for things i know. I need to remove so like eve. Eve rooms that i have. I got one by the door. I got one over the desk. And they do need to be recharged so so you can hear hang on. Let me their real effect ready. Listen carefully So good so. I need to charge it sometimes. But the nearly source close to permanent is you're gonna get but so i started using not you know guerrilla brand little squares this clear squares. I don't know if it's going to be any better but like it was so fucking frustrating. Because i tried the ones that came with the nanna leaves. I then i try three m once and dan. Dan castigate me understandably for for dragging as you say the three m company but the problem was like lease the shitty three m once peeled off. Okay once they fell off the wall. So what happened is i have seventeen. Nanno leafs in a cool pattern and tu-tuesdays in a row into my private office and only like four or five of them. Were still on the wall. One of them or several of them gave up the ghost. Maybe there's a vibration from the train and the whole thing went pear-shaped and most of them fell on the floor but a few emerges hanging there looking sat. and so i've remounted. Everything started all over new pattern all new using those. Now do your stick on the wall. Pretty good yes to the point. Where i'm no longer worried about dougie. The landlord getting upset. That I put things on the walls because i was going to rearrange them and ask because it says like removable. I used my own strips that you're supposed to pull him off the walls and it's funny. Little is the circle the briskly the personally circle things can pop off the turn. Adhesive was incredibly frustrating. And it was shitty enough that it was shitty enough that it fell off the wall but strong enough that it takes me. An each instance. Five minutes to get the adhesive off the back. It's like the worst of both worlds. This is oh. God this is absolutely wild because no mine have not. I thought they were going to fall but they haven't and when. I tried to rearrange one of them. Eight took off like all of the pain lightly. Oh no i was like you know late now it is happened so i'm just gonna put it on the walls and see what goes down so far. Everything's been fine feeling. Wow i know right. But that's what i'm curious. What kind of command strips. Or i'd like. I thought they workman's strips that came in the box. I don't think the come with too few of those little like connector dingus. I'm like this doesn't feel right. Do i bought. I bought two more packages thing is. Oh and you know you could do that. You can i did. I had to search around. And by. Because i want. I want it to be really solid. And i'm using more than i need. Because you really only need a connector that passes off the signal to the next one. But i also like to think that that's part of the superstructure personally i. I don't know how they work. And i've decided not to think too hard about it because it's called follow through and it's a new segment on by friday. Oh you know what. I would love to hear this follow through. Because do you want them to be able to be rearranged or do you want like all right now they are this pattern. I'm going to keep them here. And if i want to remove them i accept that things will be ripped off the wall. Well if i got to choose all the things i wanted. I would want things that are totally like an illogical but like incompatible which is like if i stick it to the wall i wanted to be there for a thousand years unless i decide to take it off number two if i do decide to take it off. I would love it if that were easy. That's the thing about a command strip. That's great is you pull you do that. Little pole and it on it. Here's which is really cool. Doesn't leave marks. And yeah. So i mean i would do that if i could trust in my main thing. Those if they don't stay on the wall i'm gonna i'm gonna lose interest even i'm kinda invested by love them so much alex. Do you have the heavy duty ones. No i've got the shapes elements shapes of seventeen though. No i meant the command strip. Oh shit dog i well. I tried to hang my dyson on the wall. And use four of those fifteen pound ones the fan. No my dyson vacuum. Because it comes with the dingus. Let you hang on. I thought i love the idea of hanging on the wall. Very guy thing to do. But i like hooks. I like hanging the I'm going to say go with the The heavy how do they even make these anymore. If you link it's one of those things where like the gorilla grew gu. I'll wow gorilla glue the woman the great dc villain guerrilla grew. I grew the e lady. Put it in her hair and then she couldn't wash it out so they put it in her hair. Yeah didn't know gotta it was talk thing a woman gorilla glue in her hair and so now a lot of adhesives are like extra. It's like when they took the fun out of glue because too many kids were whiteout. Did you have that liquid whiteout. When you buy christmas. Mother progressing the monkeys. I love that and you could. You could tough it. You know like palladian ferris bueller. I have an entire as i said dan on the other program back to work Where i also talked about this challenge before we did this challenge. And i cut you a little bit We i. I haven't adhesion box. Adhesion boxes i- i- store conceptually. So when i store things. I store them conceptual. I don't store them. Aesthetically store them conceptually. I don't understand this. Because i'm not in a like those found those to me in a so when you store. Do you mean like storage or like drawers. This is just slightly out of reach. Let me see if i can okay. So there's all kinds there's all kinds of ways to deal with your stuff you think about stuff like say books or comic books like do you store your comic books by like i mean there's all kinds of ways you think about that whole field of like library. Science of like you know is just. Here's my marvel ones. Here's my dc once you want enough. What do you want the chronological 'cause e inside each of all of those. You know there's some kind of like when. Are you going to want this when you want it. What we're will you look for it and we'll things related to that be nearby now. I don't start out by going. I wonder where things are that i have purchased from the three m or i don't like so i think about sometimes i needed hejin so i have a box here. That has all different command strips. It's also got my velcro. Thinks they don't make much of annoys because they'll quit. Things are a form of adhesion that goes in the adhesion box. Also got tape. I've got some tape in there and now. This is a little bit of a pivot. When i get command strip hooks and have extras. they also go in here. Because that's kind of adhesion adjacent. What is another example of this other than and another conceptual box or storage space could be could be things like cleaning supplies. Now clings advisor tough because because different rooms. This is where ruse but also different sizes weights. Yes so like i've got. I always keep stuff like bleach white vinegar on hand and they're usually in a one gallon you know like a big hines white vinegar one gallon sort of bucket that's not gonna fit into the caddy this stuff like windex. So that's a little bit of a challenge. But i think the idea of this could be a challenge by the way conceptual organization is keeping like with like things that you're going to need. Okay good example. I guess would be a toolbox like the dumbest example in the world. Why do you have a toolbox. Well because sometimes you need to do stuff with tools and dimes to doughnuts. If you're using the the time that you need a screwdriver may also be the time that you need screws that you also need a hammer that you also need a tape measure and so just to be the dumb guy here. It makes sense to keep all of those things in the same place but like for example then the classic merlin man the kit that has all the stuff to reinforce your tires like. You probably don't wanna store that in your attic. Even though there's more room there that should probably be in your car. Because that's the concept in the context for tire refilling. Do you have anything like this in your life. Do you keep you keep like with. Like i think that in in fact i don't think i've ever thought of well. How words this week. I've never really thought of doing anything in a different way. I don't know it seems absolutely bonkers to do it. It's like not keeping all of your clothes in the same spot i like. It just seems weird. I think that's why i'm like wait. What how is this different than thing. This also also i mean it seems so obvious but like this also relates to think talked about with when i decided to strip everything down to the rafters and really like clean and area. Will i mean above all everything else. When you're cleaning out an area you need so much more stuff for trash than you think. Like i get those husky like fifty fifty or fifty five gallon clean up after a party at school. Those kinds of. I've got those at home in the garage and here at my office giant giant contractor bag in that you should be able to throw things in the trash from several feet away without thinking about it. That's the hugest thing when i get packages amazon stuff. I always start with a grocery bag next to me. Step zero is grocery bag step to gerber knife and then everything goes straight into the recycling as quickly as possible. Because otherwise why. It's going to accumulate. So like when i when i do like a beat conceptual cleanup i will. You can't really organized your stuff until you know how much of it you have and how much of it you want to keep so like in may not be until you've gathered every pen that you know holy shit. I don't need all these pens. A bunch these pens don't work the answer See also you know a chapter and verse four three folders the answer that organization is not to buy a bigger been pens. You don't use is to winnow down the pens that you that you love and and then auto them by putting them somewhere good and i think that goes for everything like you. Don't know whether you need new socks until you've seen all the socks really. You could just buy socks but you you're paying rent to store garbage if you have stuff in your house. That's organized in a way. You never utilize. That's been the cox family project all this year really and going well but This matchy really doesn't like to keep. I keep being like okay. You just just keep your bag. Rip out the door. Just just your. Where else does it need to be by the door. And now he does it. And it's great and still puts his wallet and keys all over the fucking place but air tags has made my life. Less stressful should only ever go one place. This talk about mental health wolf but it will be other problem. The i think the other conceptual problem is sometimes. You think you need a you know a. I don't know what's a good example. I don't even know there's structure or organization. Now let's say you think that you're going to use your your microphone and you're like midi keyboard at the same time and really you think you are the person who will use the here a microphone your midi keyboard at the same time to like make a music thing in my case that actually sometimes Helps me. Because i'm like. Oh i just had my brain like okay. If it goes together you are going to use these things together but very quickly. I think a unsolicited take. I think it's very easy for people to just make those conceptual areas in two aspirational areas. And then you're back to rent the free garbage. Yes yes it's also a good example of where bottom up work so much better than top down again. Talked about with dan but like i i. That's huge for me is like you know we're talking. I think we're talking about like when you decide to do stuff with post it. Notes or index cars or whatever and my thesis was for tools like that lightweight tools and this does actually get straight to our challenge. Was the point is that i want to use that just long enough to take me to the next stage. I don't wanna make a perfect beautiful mind map because that's my my business card. If i had one does not say makes pretty mind maps. Like i got a gift business card. It'd be really pretty would have branches. But no i think. I think you're i think you're right at the top diplomas down is so satisfying an example of top. Down would be like. i'm disorganized. So i buy this costly to do list up. And then spent two days entering in projects in context and dates and creating automations and doing all the things all the time. You're doing that to state the somewhat belabored. You're not doing your work. Like the idea is like you know you should be and if you're not doing your work like that's not maybe going to be the best thing but then you also have a second problem now. Which is that now you because you've decided to conceptualize your work rather than do it. You haven't done that inventory you haven't collected all your socks or pens and you're just saying i imagine that i will do music and therefore had this area called music. Mit do list app. The songs are getting made. Oh god i'm triggered. I can't even as far as the mike and mini thing. I mean i think. That's i think that's what we're talking about right is like this is how i imagined i would do this. Like having a project called clean idea eight project. i'm gonna i it the challenge. Did i do the challenge. Should we do the challenge. Oh yeah. I mean we've we. You clearly did do the challenge. And i think i did too Dig dug challenge. This week's challenge was yours. Merlin though we explain where this came from this came from. I feel like the genesis of this was. I was watching what happened. Miss simone the documentary about What's her name needed. Some out and for some reason. I just had this thought that the because there's a lot of you know mental stuff in that and I had this idea. I wrote in the challenge. She would just the game. This challenges harness your horses and the notion is take something in your life that you or others regard as disability a hang up Something that's fucked about you. Maybe neurologically emotionally behaviorally. Something about you that you are others things fucked and turn it from a disability. Is there a way you can harness your horses in a way that whatever runaway bullshit is in your life could go from disability to a superpower Leveraged leveraging madness if you like. I hope that i didn't peanut butter on this show. We we'll know okay I have many things that make me considered you know broken and involve putting me in hospitals or various mental facilities. But i've always tried to stay away from romanticizing bipolar stuff because you get into like van gogh chopping off his ear. Real quick in that case But it's difficult to reverse engineer. I mean the implication is and it's funny. Because i was just reading today. I wanted to get that quote right from one of my favorite poets robert lowell. It's a quote that i've quoted a lot so i wanted to get it right and robert lowell. Being interviewed by robert giraud said. It's terrible to think that all i've suffered and all the suffering i've caused might have arisen from the lack of a little salt in my brain. Oh if fuck. I've never heard that hugo manic. Every spring he would go totally manic. He leave his wife every spring he cheated on his wife and he would do stuff. Like show up at the symphony. Like standing up and like conducting the symphony. I mean he really lost it but you can't reverse engineer that you can't start that by saying well i i need to get a little bit more crazy and then i'll be able to write you know life studies or something like that the immediate while and i used to do this i would just not take my and at the time i had a really bad doctor and didn't The i was like the it wasn't helping me. So i would stop taking them and then i would make what. I considered really good fine art. Whatever the good film good music. Whatever and other people said it was good. Other people were like. Yeah oh gosh. That's awesome and then immediately. I'm like yeah. It's because i did not take my medication. Don't not. Because i worked really hard and thought a whole lot about this and forget the fact that l- for you know a month afterwards i couldn't get out of bed or would just hyperventilate and have panic attacks all the time. You're you're going to be. You could be could end up paying for that awhile. And i've i've been suffering from the that a lot. I hate to use the word suffer. Aw often but better than experiencing. I mean there are so many i so i've been pivoting lately in there. There are just so many things sitting in my into shared. I cloud vulgar right now that like projects that have been put out yet have the tiniest just a little bit of work to be done like barely any and then i think about putting more things on the internet and i you know going to target but get close and i am like okay. There's gotta be oh a for me to somehow associate feeling bad with finishing this work that is is basically don. But like i've i've fifteen interviews with very interesting also very terrible. Vr people. that. I just haven't put out because i who the fuck knows but i've been trying to think of like okay if you are if you were experiencing a who's nation or if matty says you're being a little like hypo manic you little stinker just a little bit longer does stinker. I mostly when when he's like. Oh settled down not not like the terrifying like really bad stuff but just in general talk really fast and get louder and louder leather. And he's like okay. You're that have been there for that. Been there for just. I just get so. I've set up actually focus. I know the tech doesn't solve. Every i know i know but i set up a focus and a second Desktop on like my sorry my now that i've real monitor. I can just plug in my ipad. Do do that stuffed there and i. I'm really like most people really like the way i have. A love hate relationship with the ipad multitasking and in its bliss forums. It does really help me. Because i can't focus on the voice in my head. I need to focus on these two things in front of me and it has helped a lot. I think in just sort of a. I worried that it would be the opposite. Like if outright. If you're gaining getting anxious about something go work on something that makes you panicky. Anxious for a different reason and i am like cover. The i'll talk about this with my new therapist but for some reason it's been working like i it's is in. I mean to to eighties. Don't make a buddha. But it's i don't make a right like it seems to be kind of working. I i don't know that's that's the nature. Yeah i mean. As far as what i did but i mean it's whenever my shrink is explaining how whether or why give medication works He's really good at this stuff. And even though i don't understand it medically scientifically a lot of the time but beacon explain the first time that you heard the explanation of corona virus works. Where like it's the way that it gets into. The system is really really clever. And the right animation. I saw animation from. Ucsf about this is really satisfying. Oh i see it just fits into this area. It's expecting this other thing and it. You know what i mean. I guess that's how diseases work in. General but when you explain these physical terms or explain how receptors in your mind work for somebody with my gifts. Understanding things about receptors can be really fascinating. What's like you know this. It's that thing but now with that thing let's this thing in her out but not that thing in a row and like getting that right is really important. We don't want you to stop having receptors that work. We just want to help have a have a traffic. A thoughtful traffic cop that knows how to direct the traffic. And i think what we're seeing here is analogous that analogy which is like how do we. How do we. How do we take the things that we're dealing with. And then fit with other things in either negative or ways and some ways so for example. Like you're saying here like maybe there's a way that like the kids shape sort of box. You can come in this mood of this state of mind. I know it's definitely not good to do this kind of thing but it might be okay to do that kind of thing. This certainly goes for something as i've talked about in the past really paraphrase david allen. It's not that. I should never sharpen pencils because sometimes pencils needs to be sharpened. It's just that i. I maybe ought not sharpen pencils. You know if an incredibly important career making or breaking project is overdue and but but of course if the if sharpen pencils helps you to do that. That's okay but that is a kind of self knowledge. If it's early in the morning and i'm stupid like it's really hard for me to get the shifter into gear sometimes at nine or nine thirty in the morning there but there are certain times of day where i know that if i am a little bit more keyed up where i am like if tensions frayed like at the end the afternoon i know there's certain kinds of things that i should or should not do it those times. And if i come home frazzled. Too often and i'm in a shitty mood because i have not accommodated my my bra. I knew only do. I need to add more time at the end of the working day for a transition. For example i know this is not the challenge per se except that kind of is. It's it's a way of saying like when. I say harness your horses. What i mean is like a horse like having a team of four horses that stopped being a team and just run in different directions at different speeds for different reasons. Ain't gonna get your card anywhere like the the goal here is to yoke whatever it is that can move your life project for a little bit but then also in my case my biggest edition this week is like i sent. I'm back to work. Is trying to sell example. I have adhd. I don't know if i've ever mentioned it but an interesting thing about having. Adhd is depending on the flavor that you've got. I don't generally have trouble getting focused on something. It's just a question of having the executive function to give focused on the right thing. The thing that i would choose and so i've known that for a while but like for example like i say i'll just fucking myself day off. I'm not apologizing like my day off could be doing shit around the house. But you know merlin. Twenty twenty one is all about how blocks fun. And i'm going to try to stop feeling bad about trying to make my life better as we talked about on slack. A while back Not everything can work for everybody. But that mean. You shouldn't try to make your life better and one of the things i try to do to make my life better is to go like well. How can i be super effective as you say at this kind of thing at this time of day but then also than that create these afford ince's for being less wound up at other times and i think that's i think that's really critical. It's critical to understand your motivations and your sources of energy. I'm avoiding the inspiration but like whatever it is that gets you off the dime kisii to set up that mike and record that gets you to open up that dreaded folder of interviews or whatever it is like learning your own personal rhythms and energy cycles can be really important. Otherwise i mean. Look when you're a kid you know and you're like a young person and you're still dumb. You'd like mix oddest decisions at certain times of day. We can ill-afford that when you get older and just salt and pepper. This a little. Bit of pandemic i mean. Isn't this a thing that we're all learning and we can hopefully talk about. Is that like nobody ever worked eight hours. A day added job. I mean maybe at amazon but like most a knowledge work job which is a lot of people you understand like sometimes errands have to be run during the day. Sometimes you have to make check and see if your kids still sick or not like these. Are maybe dumb examples but the whole idea of having two unrelated lives. That's been dead concept for me for a long time. And i hope it became comes less live concept for other people which is look. There's going to be what your manager might think of as leaks but you should think of as having a holistic approach to your actual life isn't life and work work part of your life. How do you make that all go together. And so you gotta cut yourself some breaks. So here's mike my only critical edition this week. It's the thing i've been doing for a while but i'm now kind of encouraging myself to do more vigorously Which is let's say. I'm on a tear and i'm getting stuff done and i'm cleaning up but it's not that difficult to get into. What a friend of the show. Daniel brand calls yak shaving. It's not difficult to like. Get so wound. Up in power puttering get so wound up in whatever. adhd Speed run is causing you to do a certain thing. So i could sit there and do a certain thing for a pretty long time. Part of power puttering for me is. I'm doing different things at different times. Like i'm soaking this thing while i'm washing that thing where i'm and i'm trying to assimilate all of that and say like to integrate all of that and say like oh when i'm hearing realise i'm out of this product. I should also see if there's other products nearby. But what. I mustn't do is let that particular horse run. Full speed all the time without ever checking in on whether we're moving in the right direction and so there's this phrase that i've kind of said quietly to myself for years and that i'm now saying you know Deliberately to again to myself So now what Oh that's good and the trick here is the remembering to ask yourself. So what like you know. Do i have enough information to do the next thing like do i want. Okay another example. It's really fun to make mind maps because when you make mine maps you did you get to do things like choose. The color of the branches. The font for and this sounds silly. But it's true like if you're in a my map you're probably not sure what the fuck you're doing. Nobody goes into a mind map in unless you're doing something for power point. People rarely go into that particular mode if they're feeling on top of their game. They're often going in there. I think because they need shape a story to what it is that they're doing right now and that's what something like a mind map or post answer. Whatever provides but in the critical part for me is like right up to the point. Where i feel like i've almost got it like at the point when i got it. I definitely should mounts can always come back. But right before i know what this is. That's when to bounce. And i say to myself sorry. Hold so when you're going gonna read a piece. You're right something what that like what you are doing or what. You're trying yes example. Dan was trying to figure out. There's enough shit going on with me rearranging my desk. I wanna say desk. I the whole studio set up Power cables usb cables. I'm i i'm given to believe you're familiar with all these things so that i think about that a little bit and like oh well. I'll just put this here put that. They're okay but wait a minute. The new monitor goes here. The mono pod goes there. If i put my hub there. It's going to be hard to change the cables later. And i'd like to get that taken care of. I have not updated. Ups battery set up in a while. I assume everything's still works. But i don't want to find that out at the last moment if i treat each one of those dumb things as its own separate thing instead of an omnibus project. I'm gonna miss shit. And i'm going to have to start over or i'm going to have to let me get frustrated myself that i wasted all that time not accounting for the big picture of what. I'm trying to do. So in that case. Yeah sit down with index cards and okay. There's a microphone. Here's the cable. There is the data today. And i can just move all those things around and right. There's a point though where i go. Okay i think. I've got this like i don't wanna keep doing that until i have accounted for every cable i've ever owned. I wanna satisfy s- to where i have harnessed that particular horse of like okay. That's it. I fucking had it. I'm going to spend our fixing this guy. Dan desk setup figure out where to put this. You know apple wireless keyboard. When i'm not podcasting so gotta a shelf for that all these things you know. It's okay if you don't think about a listener doesn't think about this like i do. But there's something really invigorating about harnessing that horse but then also saying so. Now what because then when you ask that you go. I have enough information and structure to do the next thing. I'm ready for my next block of uncertainty. Because i've gotten over the hump on the stuff. That was so uncertain. I didn't even want to do it. And you just you just need you need that. Those training wheels lake just long enough to go to the next thing and to feel like the the next thing i work on. I'm like that if you have a block of uncertainty. I got past this one. I'm comfortable and competent enough now to try this thing and it might do things. That are more challenging. I'll sharpen more difficult pencils or i'll move a longer cables. I don't know but that's that's my thing just remembering to say so now. What because that enables me to get my head back in the game and make sure my horse is running in the right direction. What do a you do. If you can't answer the question and well now what That's a good question about a question. Why don't i know that this kind of against go straight back some david allen stuff. If you haven't been calling somebody that you feel guilty about not calling trace that to stack and say like well do. I have their phone number like you know. Try to figure out if you're gonna try and get this dandelions out of your yard be prepared for difficult routes try and find out why that's a hang up and this is why in a very uncomfortable way the best question you can often ask yourself is have. I decided already. I'm never going to do this. I have no interest desire I have no reason to do this. So why do i feel bad about it. And that's why i've one task paper is like the stuff that's in task. Paper should not be about in. It should not be at high levels about like my reason for being alive would it should be is like there's something in there and i feel weird or bad or dumber undecided about it. That's an opportunity to ask myself. Okay so you put bring up toilet paper on this list. Why haven't you done that. Could because i'm not at home it could be because i'm tired. It could be because of whatever. But if i get something on that list that just keeps staring at me and making me feel bad. Then i'll say to myself. Oh who cares. Delete it if it comes up again later. It comes up again later. And i think we all have elements of that freedom to what we're doing but a to delist in particular is not a place to accumulate bad feelings unless that helps you. That is a place for stuff. I know i could go do right now that i decided it is important. If you read decide that it's not important you take it off the list in terms of what you're asking them. The block of uncertainty part of this is like in a certain ideal world. It would be if we could all be pushing ourselves just a little bit into areas that are uncomfortable. Uncertain ambiguous scary. And but to get to that. You're not ready to really jump off the cliff yet but these little bits may be sharpening. Pencils will give you enough sense of completion to move to the next thing. But i think you do develop a somewhat intuitive sense of when you have enough information or enough structure or whatever it is if you can't answer the question so what next. Take a pause. You might want to work on something different for a minute. You might want to go outside and drink a glass of water and all that dumb stuff but it always is beneficial to ask yourself like. Why am i doing this. Like was the consequence of me. Not doing this was the consequences. Be not doing this now but like what does he rather be doing. If you're not bringing up toilet paper or rearranging your case. Would you rather have you than what. What's your fucking problem. They know maybe you need to go. You know have sex the robot or something but there's something in your mind this like you're a little bit hung up on and i think when you figure that out like don't blame the the paper for what's on it it's just a medium but i dunno hermes different with this stuff but i think catching myself and saying so now what is a very Aff- affirmative assertive and vigorous way to say to keep in mind. What it is that. I'm trying to accomplish here and like to hopefully be fitting those pieces together in a way that's satisfying productive. Ding ding darnest.

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Dosti wala Pyaar. Tanisha Agrawal. IINK Podcasts. Episode 89

IINK Podcasts HI

03:18 min | 4 months ago

Dosti wala Pyaar. Tanisha Agrawal. IINK Podcasts. Episode 89

"Those develop dead. Hey mighty those. The he wouldn't go. Tokyo will let go. He become not young. Karamira would secretive creep anime. Hot cacique open. Dinky hurt should be bad breath anemia. Summer electa may be good villa but upon do put us up good today him mid. I knew he was adored. Nick it add any mana theresa de who tear titty who but hm absorb nicotine met i knew he would rather than a good mighty bow made a who toll which duniaski flooded me. Bertha will take dismore. Kill me and he puts them. You had the bus them. Say through hundred up york. Chick i she. Lebron was does take them harak. But that yuki who met the man was it ishbel. Berkeley has through sonning but modest. Saw that who tola does develop yard. It not be put on millennium. Keeble was guilty at the case of him. Don't go he. Benatti admit chit does bungee copied tom. Doak man igloos. Rick igam case people enjoying the marabou tutti to do battle coleco him. I use oaten redouble. Could he bad by savannah tana. Mana youtube Banana keep them. 'cause the medallion which ivana may give us middle could kalica. You'll be part of our tana or tomorrow will piaget to some tucker oblique victor. A good father. Komo's said the west it nine again key hamadeh hud aletha compete beat argentina. Or good man a he the dome he will godkin. Nikki league all curtain hotel. Which nikki but he message curtain. Don't get to keep out the tacoma singing dunes out to zeki him a good evening theravada. Who support her talk. A good to me baba's not.

Karamira electa theresa de dismore harak ishbel tola Keeble Benatti Rick igam anemia coleco Tokyo oaten Bertha savannah tana yuki villa Nick Lebron
#97: Nietzsche and Nihilism

Sand Pebbles Podcast

09:27 min | 3 years ago

#97: Nietzsche and Nihilism

"Nietzsche Maria Tech's the use made of the by modern philosophy both concerned and liberal is essentially Christianity without the Christ needs. He was not an eyeless though, many of his worshippers pretend you us in even need see himself pretended. He was but as we used to say in the military, he can talk the talk. But clearly he did not want to walk the walk his meta ethics as with all his writings show him to be a moralist who saw nihilism as a problem needing to be solved in order to rescue morality from it. He wanted to rush morality from nihilism, and he proposed solutions for this rescue very specific solutions his solutions consisted of an aristocratic and egotistical superman quotation Mark conquer of God. In our in our VAR nothingness, close quotation, Mark who's will to power would restore value to human life. He was willing to await the coming of superman in the same way, Christy. Away to second coming of their human someone son of God. His writings are full of ridicule of the heard into plebeian lower class of men. Did he called a deterioration of the European race? Because they prefer such things as equality of rights and democracy over great dot and a will to power for need. See the nothingness of knowledge is not the existence of a social ethical and individual moral vacuum in human society, but quotation dwarfing and leveling close quotation of humans by ethics morality that is trans value. The egotistical good of the strategic air aristocratic ruling class that he worshipped in considered that as a result of such things democracy. The ruling caste. Through the de content Atra lissome etre assume of slave classes and by their resentment toward their betters. Would being reduced to nuttiness God is dead as Nietzsche's famous sound bite, but he wanted replacement God. So that quotation humanity as a mass. Be sacrificed to the prosperity of the one stronger species of man that would be progress close quotation, Mark ethical and moral theory based on Nissan meta ethics has in the surface gone. The other way, however, floss for such as Emmanuel Levin us Levinas Bernard Berkowitz, Peter Berkowitz, Ray breaks air manual, derrius, Diarra ES Randall Havana's, Jeffrey Meskher, Joyon Stomberg and every other postmodern commentator of Denise in critique of now ISM ignores. The actual details of Nazis general, participating the power of the south and of the other and through the necessity of modern fem feminine logical interaction interpretation between the so-called self. India? Other have somehow turn needs Pacifica and participation on the glory of the superman to somehow. How replace? It would dare version of de Christian beatitudes, if we if we replace the term other with neighbor in other modern writings of Postmodernism and social Justice theory, you'll pretty much have d- loved. I never be attitudes. Only without the Christ. Supposedly based on Nietzsche meta ethics many moralists ethics at floss Connectix. See this solution to nihilism to be social ethics making everyone a superman using their will to power to define their own morality. They will create a social ethics in which everyone respects each other. As a universal objective value or else. None of these arguments state, how this creation will Kerr or how it will be enforced upon those at rationally or even re-re irrationally, disagree apparently requiring requiring acceptance in this form of good as a matter of fate in practice, the or the or else of this social ethics is enforced as all others have been have always been enforced and still are by the monopoly on violence to this Delore as discussed in prior episodes to law differ from gunman threat only by being a mob of. Men threatening us to do as ordered the argument of modern niche in philosophers is the God is dead, but we need to replace them multiple gods each having multiple forms of the good. But would only win universal objective value on these guys informs must respect each other or else who will decide your else again, they do not say. Dismore alley and ethics is a supposed efforts of life. Sounds more Christian than any Christian. Norms. Did I have heard at least Christians are not delusional delusional enough to expect such heaven on earth in many ways to smarter needs to version of Nietzsche's philosophy is worse in this new possum postmodern morality and ethics based on faith for future superman. Dismay fate claims to power to pass moral judgment unto passed in the dead, something that even Christian theology does not allow as we contemplate in prior episodes. I do give credit to Nicchi for at least being honest, and brutally brutally consistent about his antics. He takes it to it's logical to it's necessary logical conclusions, especially when trying to replace God by human gods. His present day worshippers of his meta ethics are not honest in their reasoning though, they are brutal. How is this possible? What gives needs met its power to serve as a foundation for an ethics morality attacking nihilism, but the contradicts the ethics morality conclusions of himself. It is is it is. It is a result of his brilliant soundbite. God is dead. Not only the readers give meaning to the sound bite. But his needs himself stated in admit it, a quotation they all act as if they had discovered a ride arrived at their genuine convictions to the self development of a cold pure divinely sacra sent dialectic Prentice. In contrast to the mystics of every rank who are more honest than the philosophers and also sillier they talk about inspiration coast parentheses, why what actually happens is it. They make a conjecture a whim and inspiration or more. Typically, they take some fervent wish that they have shifted through and made properly abstract and defendant would rationally rationalizations after the fact close quotation, Mark what happens is that the worshipers of need see shake their will power fervent wish to God is dead in the pie to Nietzsche's proclamation of his death, the Salau his readers to go on. And give whatever meaning they want to his medics. The irony is that their particular wish seems to be that the Christian God be dead. But they they they then use need see to create a Christian morality and ethics would out the Christian God with themselves as replacement gods of God, some of these worshipers were readers, at least honestly amid to such wish wish for example, Thomas Nagel stated following. I Thomas Nagel is a modern analytic philosopher, I speak from experience comma Brealey being strongly subject to this fear myself. I want them to be true in a made uneasy by the fact that some of the most intelligent, and well informed people, I know are religious believers, it isn't just an I don't believe in God in naturally hope that I'm right in my belief. It stood. I hope there is. No god. I don't want there to be a God. I don't want the universe to be like that. My guess is that this cosmic adore? The problem is not a rare condition, and did it is responsible for much of the scientism scientism in reductionism of our time. One of the tendencies is supports is deluded. Chris overuse of evolutionary biology to explain everything about human life, including everything about the human mind. This is a somewhat ridiculous situation. It is just as irrational to be influenced in one spolice by the hope to God does not exist. As by the hope that God does exist and of quote Christianity without a crisis as much religion is Christianity would Kreis religion may be the opium of the people as Mark said. But the snow secular religion awaiting the coming of the superman seems to be no different, except it's people are upper class and intelligentsia super persons using these steps of words as it's opium or more accurate after the opium for the few too. Well to power to create values for the her itchy watery. Turn would not recognize. Little would appreciate long came to be what it is.

Mark Nietzsche opium Thomas Nagel Maria Tech Christy India Pacifica floss Connectix Dismore alley Nicchi Kerr Chris Nissan Prentice Emmanuel Levin Peter Berkowitz Denise Salau
Bella Twins

Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe

41:19 min | 6 months ago

Bella Twins

"Thank you for listening to this. Podcast one production now available on apple. Podcasts podcast one spotify and anywhere else you get your podcast this week off. The vine is sponsored by geico. Go to geico dot com and in fifteen minutes you be saving fifteen percent or more on car insurance extra money in your pocket. It just may be the most rewarding to do you do today hemp fusion and to make it even easier to try sleep support. Or any of the him fusions premium. Cbd oil products. They're offering our award winning listeners. Twenty percent off your next order when you use the promo code vine at checkout once again that's hemp fusion dot com promo code vine for twenty percent off your purchase of high quality. Cbd oil products from him few him purely elizabeth purely elizabeth granola ads delicious salty sweet crunch on top of my smoothies oatmeal yogurt or honestly straight out of the bag. It's honestly that good. Get twenty five percents off your first order on all purely elizabeth products by using code vine at checkout on purely elizabeth dot com podcast one percents off the vine with kaitlyn. Bristowe caitlyn his creating space. Where girls can feel empowered to be themselves. Get ready for the blast on soldier to die and wine blah blah. Get ready to shake things up. Here's caitlyn everybody. Welcome to off the line. Today's guests are too bad ass. Sisters making their second appearance on the show. They're known first and foremost for their success in the wrestling world. And we're also on your tv screens during their time on total divas and now on their own spinoff reality show total bellas last time. I had them on the pod pregnant now. They both have their beautiful baby boys. Also for those of you. who don't know. I was partnered with one of their baby. Daddies dancing with the stars. So you bet we got into that. Plus i'll be on their podcasts and so be sure to check it out and follow along. I always love chatting with the bella twins. I feel like they are just so down to earth. They're so real. There's so funny. And they always make me which i had two twin. I hope you guys enjoy my catch up today with brie and nikki. Bella aka the bella twins. Dammit i is. We're gonna look sexy. Yeah well because we have the real and ellen so you know media. It's like the media glam my dream in life to me ellen. Really i met her. And i just it's like since i was probably i think goes fifteen and i was like she was my hero and i've wanted to meet her for that long. Oh my gosh. She's a meter once with my ex fiance and she was amazing. Was like everything you think she would be funny sweet and like i felt like so down to earth like when i had my little chat with her so we wanted to be on your show for so long but mario lopez co hosting or no gathered stuff so i like one of the nicest guys too so nice so we've met him a bunch. He's amazing. i met one time. Like back in the day when i was on bachelorette and remember like walking and being like. Oh my gosh. You have the nicest hair i've ever seen like it was like perfectly calmed gel So good to see you both On odd i am so jealousy are going on ellen after this. But it's good to start with me i because i wouldn't wanna like follow ellen. The ellen show doing that. I just have to talk about this right off the bat because i was just having a stupid insecure moment where i found out. Okay have you seen the thing on tiktok training about the invert camera. And that's like what you actually look like. No don't do it. I have serious When it comes to like things being even and it used to be an ocd thing. For me when i was younger. If you've touched the shoulder i'd wanna touch this shoulder. Like i was really about even like my breath in had to be the same as breath out. It was just this weird It turned into dismore yet for me in high school. I wouldn't doubt my school pictures. Because when i was smaller than the other and it was like this really dumb thing that i've had to work on for a long time then. I found out that the front camera at the front camera when you pull it up and you're like take a picture in your like that's what i actually look like. What is what is like. That's everyone was just telling me today. The yeah that's how people see you. And i'm like my dismore has justified this whole time. No four. I have to see it but i don't even wanna look at mine. I can only imagine this would be the same thing as when you're sitting in a hair salon and your hair's really wet and have it's like back and you're just staring at your high air and you're in the seats. You feel like a monster able. Yeah guba in a hair chair. My gosh okay. So we have so many things to talk about one. I wanted to start off with dancing with the stars because nikki. I've been waiting to talk to you about this for so long. Just tell me artem did he. Did you feel like you needed your guts during the season or did you guys have like a flirty thing. No so we. I remember one time. So i hated jive and jive was towards the end for me. Actually i think it was the night i got cut and He would get super strict and when it came to this week like my shin felt like it was breaking in half and they would always want me to talk about my injuries. But i think i had the wrestler mentality i was like no like i just was so tough about that so he literally. I was in there with this is when we had troupe dancers sometimes for me it would make me feel a little embarrassed and insecure. Because i be trying to learn. And i have jenna and haley imbredded in artur brandon album stadium behind me like watching me like try to learn these moves and it's intimidating and he kind of made a comment about my jive and mike got really mad at me and i was like you know what dude one jalen beyond they don't jive but i don't have time for this and i got in my car and i remember at the time calling. John going like i'm quitting. I'm like i'm not going to stand for the essay. He's a well dressed me out. Because i would go to watch her perform live and always on sunday she goes. I don't know the dance but you live tomorrow just like but i don't know it because you probably experienced with artem and bless his heart lake. That's why the video say you. It's how he gets when he gets really stressed he. He doesn't realize his tone. We're actually in therapy for this. And i remember like even during dress rehearsals like sometimes i'd be like is he mad at me like like and it would make me feel really off and it was just be as tone and i was like. Oh it was like hard yeah. It was like me a lot. Because i was like. Maybe he just didn't like me at all as a person. Because i've heard that all dancers are like that like very strict. That's kind of how they grew. I'm in their world of dancing. And that's how they were taught and also you know an didn't said he's like auto wanna use russian as an excuse. But i'm russian but it was because i knew right off the bat i he was like telling me i was rushing the time. He's like you're rushing. And i was like no. You're russian and it did not land and i was like. Oh okay. that's actually such a good one. He really know about him. That i always found him and everything he kind of does whether it's cooking or it's building you know. He built me a meditation thing he he is in a very serious mode. Like there's no like we're building and having fun giggling. It's like. I'm building this. I'm concentrating like no. Yeah i noticed that what time he has he ended is a russian culture for sure you see a with gleb and even though val max aren't russian third country right by there. I look at them as the russians. Air very much. Shame from from bulgaria. No you're gonna ask me. I was like yeah. I know what other of always calls me out. He said i didn't know as it does to me. 'cause jason's we all know he's the smartest man alive and he's so much smarter than me certain things and they'll like ask me do understand that and that makes me feel like he's being condescending when he's really just wanting to explain something to me i'm like even a stand that that and he's like okay. Well then you know you tell me. Yeah so that's my husband too. My husband jason just a brain. Yes and the other thing in bad. He's like we're both reading these books. Different books he like. You want to hear my sentence. I'm like what it's like a biology back and he's like the membrane into the dna into the. I don't know he said like five words. I didn't even are seeing and he's like did you get that and i'm like you know i can you you know and i'm reading like something so easy which we do need to check on birdie judge so my nanny well okay so we thought maybe hernandez had cova we just got. She just got the results back about ten minutes ago but she got a call like midnight last night. Like i can't come in and we had this crazy day but literally writers reasserting we hear the biggest crash and burn and like it's my leg and i'm like i mean she okay and it was like all my mind. Is she alive as she find. But no so. We're trying to do this. Like buddies plane on our feet right now. Birdies watching a movie. It's like the dogs are staring at us through the window. Funny how much things have changed like when we first did our podcast. That was very beginning of the pandemic. Wasn't it yeah. It was like what we didn't know. What the heck was going to happen. And now it's like not only have we lived through pandemic you have both given birth you twenty four hours apart right. Yeah yeah twenty. Two hours only got i loved. I saw a little preview for your show. And you're like putting your bellies together like put in energy for them to come out and i'm like horace. They did like i. Okay i have to tell you and this is. I hope this doesn't make you sad. And it makes you happy. But i follow these twins on instagram. They're called the tip top twins and they live in london there. Ninety six years old family are like obviously best friends twins. They've done everything together. They always do instagrams about going for drinks and they were like okay they were they were so determined to live tonight before they both got cova did no and and doris their names. Lil endorse endorsed just passed and i am devastated about it. They're the sweetest little instagram influencers. They had like eleven thousand dollars. I love them. And i'm so worried about lil. Because i have heard that the bond between twins is stronger than a mother daughter bonds stronger than a father. Son bond star. That best friends like it is something so unexplained that only twins can ever understand. My heart is just shattering for lil but they were ninety. They lived such together. They're dislike the back rain. My god did you ever let my kaelin finished with that. I think i was struggling. So i one time. I read this story about these twin saint ono but he's grabbing this. Joe i mean mom life mom is day one. It's today's one of those days as the mom or you just want to drink and scrat- like that. But i read this story about these. They are in their eighties. And it was here actually. In the united states i think in pennsylvania or something and they live together because both their spouses had passed while a big storm came in one of the twins. Had to get something in the car. Sure enough goes onto the cart. Oh no wait. Lips breaks her head but blizzard coming in the twin sees it through the window goes does the same thing. They both died next to each other. No in a drive by no link. God you're gonna cry. You wanna cry because so you think of doors and lil. And you're like dos to. I i wanna go. I don't wanna feel brig on. I'm like i don't either but you know my husband says all the time to do that like your sister and i were drowning in the ocean. Nude swim to her. First in saver and i was like no you better blood sticker than one. But that's the twin bond right there. You don't have to admit that is just both no but that's your call. Go in your sleep at one hundred and five holding hands and it's going to be. Oh my god. I want wanna know how you both came up with the names buddy and matteo. Because i actually. I don't know if this is anything to do with why he named him. Buddy i actually thought about naming my first born of. It's a boy bulbs. Because i already know that's what i'm going to end. Was it like if you're like. Oh i'm gonna call him buddy anyways or is there a story behind it so my husband his dad pass. Gosh i think it's been five years now and his rolling was donald but since he was a little boy everyone called him. Buddy and so. Brian buddy was a surprise. We didn't know the gender and brian was like if it's a boy. Can we call him. Buddy after my dad and i totally. But it's funny. Because i like weird names and different when the world like like new. I called them buddy. Everyone was like. Oh my gosh how you named him a dog's name like what but to me. It's like i knew. Brian's dad so well as buddy buddy you know his middle names desert after my grandmother but she spells it like dessert. So it looks like buddy desert and you'll send but it's really buddy desert danielson support kid. That's a cool name. i. I've so many ideas i have. I always say you're not an adult unless you have baby names in your notes in your phone but and help. I don't know that story so matteo. I was working with a personal trainer. And i knew i was pregnant but i didn't know the gender yet so i'm on the treadmill and he's talking about his son. He's telling me the cutest story of his son. And for some reason i didn't know his youngest son's name yet and he's talking about a strong as and he wants to fight people on this kid. Sounds like such about us. And he's like oh and matteo and when he said his name. I got like full body chills and i was like say if we're having a boy like it's matteo and i came home and i went to argument. I go if we're having a boy matteo that say i'm sorry we're not picking any other names and this is why i just know it's right and then like a few weeks later found out we were having a boy and arms like yeah matteo so he gets the middle name the last name but and we knew we com. Tayo were like will birdie actually called started that bird start. She birdy comes up with the good nicknames polo but but only one of my favorite humans on the planet. I think just from watching total. Like i know you guys probably first of all i know every interview probably answer the same questions over and over. So i'm sorry but birdie on that one episode where she's going through the car. Wash is a scene that i can watch a million times. It is thing in the world s. Good we she should send you the original aspects to you because to see more of it. I mean every time we watch it but you know this thing early always wants to go to the car wash so i might but she gets scared. I probably look like an awful mom like knowing my daughter is going to be terrified but will literally be in the car and like you know one hundred and eighteen degrees in arizona. It's kobe like what do i do. I go to car wash like. That's an activity and every time show like smiling. Then she'll be like abram her perspective that's actually after seen it now on the tv show. I was like whoa. That's really freaking scary. I was like you know it. Looks like a giant octopus. Taking overhead are scary for her. Is i get a little scared. So i'm like dead quiet. I'm like i'm like so silent. And she's right like wait. Why she it was the best. I've been loving watching. This show guys are just so entertaining and like sweet and real and just enjoying every episode. We're gonna take a quick break to talk about. You know if the mornings they could be tough. We all know that you have to get out of your cozy sheet start being productive. I don't know if you're like me. But i like to be warm when i sleep. A lot of people like to be cold. I like to be warm. And i find it so hard to get out of bed. When i'm all snugly up in there but i will say one of my favorite things about the morning is breakfast k. I always like to eat something for breakfast. It doesn't really weigh me down for the rest of the day. Because i feel like a lot of breakfast. Foods can be kinda heavy in pretty much make you want to just show back into bed and guys i found something for my mornings to actually is delicious but also doesn't make me feel guilty or way down. It's called purely elizabeth. You've probably heard of them before. I've definitely seen them while doing my grocery shopping. They're gluten free. granola is. what am i knew. Go-to it's low in sugar. Still taste amazing. This granola adds a delicious salty. Sweet crunch i put it in smoothies. It's amazing or yogurt or just like straight out of the bag. If i'm being honest elizabeth. The founder is a certified health coach who thoughtfully crafted each flavor to include intentional ingredients. So you don't have to feel guilty about it. The chocolate probiotic is probably my personal favorite. It's made with dark chocolate chunks and sea salt and two servings of this will actually help you get your daily dose of probiotics to support healthy immune and digestive system. If you are indecisive like me purely elizabeth has a ton of granola flavors to choose from including honey almond blueberry hemp maple and almond butter. I mean the list goes on. And now you can get twenty five percent off your first order on all purely elizabeth products by using code vine at checkout when you go to purely elizabeth dot com. Enjoy vajna do you own or rent your own home. Sure you do and it can be hard work you know. It's easy bundling policies with geico. Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowner's or renter's insurance along with your auto policy and it's a good thing too because you already have so much to do around your home go to geico dot com. Get a quote and see how much you could save. Its gyco easy visit. Geico dot com today. That's geico dot com now back to off the vine with bristow. What's coming up on. I mean i know we got to see the birth and like that was such a unique moment. I actually wanted to ask real nervous to film that kind of stuff or were you like. No we need this documented. I i felt like we need documented and undocumented birdies to and i felt like sometimes when you see the movies or other people when they show birds mike it's not that easy there's a lot of ugliness to it the beauty is when the baby comes and so we both wanted to show the sides of it and just like how women like bass girt is like i mean actual Hopefully and i. Actually you know what's funny is i. Remember telling artem mike. I totally forgot the camera crews can come in because a cova though we had a set up three tripods like they told artem where to put all three phones and just they're like just hit play so i totally like even forgot the cameras were there and i'll admit that i am. I saw it and like me spread-eagle. I was like whoa like there. I am okay. Different angle of yourself ever and i was like. Oh jeez oh man but it's so cool to have it. It's like because i mean and then it was also like made me nauseous going through it all again but and i cried. I've cried. I seen it and i think the cold thing nicole is that she showed a vaginal birth and i showed a c. section and two very different birds. Oh the baby noise. But i think showing those two different birds were really great to have it in. Episode has both are scary. But it's weird like you're in labor and like for me. I just walked in rights. Like yeah so your baby will be here in forty. Five minutes did not want that. That's when my sister gave birth. I flew in. Actually she was like from the time i found out she was going into labor. It was like sixty two hours before she had the baby. And while it was a long one but My mom was in there filming. It and i was like oh for sure i can handle anything and i'm gonna be in there and watched you going to be with my sister and as soon as vice sister started pushing house like i turned white. Thought i was going to faint. I had to leave and my mom came out after. Like i filmed the wrong hole and she home. If you know. My sister's was obviously. She started giving birth but she was like you know. My mom did know how to work the camera and my sister. We'll never gonna watch this actually funny who you interesting. It's funny that you say that because so towards the end when you're pushing they bring out a mirror. Not because i want you to kinda see the top of their heads. You know where to push. Give it your health. I wouldn't even servicios. Has because i couldn't believe what my butthole affleck. Yeah i remember just sharing out at being like. Oh my gosh like is that for real like i thought at one point like is about to come out of their way so swollen. So it's so funny. Because i was like ever stares out that i was like artem. Were you looking. They're willing looking and it was interesting because the doctor told you like in your push pushing through your but oh yes and that's and that's what helped me interesting but then it made it look crazy. That's i mean did artem. They are when the baby came out of ohio i made him cut matteo biblical cord and yet he saw the whole thing. It's cute because he was very much artem in it. Like you eight and then like serious serious june you know but i think he was also scared maybe to say something to me like. How is she going to react. And it's like i think i will noxious. I was in yours and artem giles. So sweet and quiet. That's brian we're like so you guys were coaches. When i saw bryan bryan was just so loud. It was arrested. Birthing room with birdie was so loud and crazy. That i almost was gonna have a freak out but everyone was loud in their long. That's i always wonder what like what you'll be like. Because you never know until you're in the moment but unlike i think i want like some rat blasting and like someone there but then once you're in it you probably like everybody's shut up. Leave me alone yeah. Because you're you're thinking in beer. Like pushy in their counting attentive feels like they're like doing ten one thousands in between each one. I'm like that's the longest count me was a contractions was like have gone straight on breath because i went natural for ten and a half hours but country breath to go through it like it was like annoying when people were in my face like talking to me. That's a yeah. It was too. And then i got that bridge and then i took a two hour nap and i was like oh sure anything like i should have got this ten and a half hours ago and so what's going to come up now on total beleza. How many episodes are left to only. Oh yeah we have tonight. I know next week. We'll so dancing with the stars. Start and then. It's going to be so hard for joe bag. I think i'm going to get hate tonight. Why guys know you for sure gonna get hate so. I made a joke to nicole because i thought you and artem had such great chemistry amazing chemistry and the way debts. Emma sister ona call. They have such amazing chemistry. 'cause i'll give crap Her and automated take accountability. Go ahead when they dance. But i would laugh at my idea. Because i was used to always seeing her russell and you're very elegant and graceful and yeah oh she would make fun of me. My sister just didn't have good facials. Dance and i always be like what the f. I was doing her civil. And of course it makes it in the episodes. I was like. Oh tonight's my nine. I'm gonna get torn apart. We always we go artem with the big baby face moment. He's big baby face is gonna come out but But the need to show. When i started to just have my breakdown because when artem left matteo was four weeks and i was in arizona. It was like i was like that's good. You feel that way and like what a lot of people don't know what hit me really hard is when. Tmz leaked out my list scene. I had to leave my home. I moved into my moving debris guest room and the material was calling the new mom. So i was like afraid to be around him with matteo christ so i just locked myself in that room with him and try to figure it out and i was like i turn into such a wreck and it was so hard. And then i drove from phoenix. La by myself matteo. When he was six weeks. I remember artem is so worried and stressed that so i mean it was so crazy i was like. What am i doing like a breastfeeding gas stations. Lot and so they start like the cameras obviously didn't stop rolling so you just see me like well. The thing is not only as a call. You baby hard which you had but postpartum you never know. If you're gonna get it and i remember what birdie i thought a little bit too and i think it was like for me. It was just. I had been a wrestler. I was just only caring about myself. Nothing else and i'll send you get a baby and you're just like wait a second and you look at your body all these things book your head and you can't help but get a little depressed will yeah. It was like right when i rolled up. Tell lay oh your hormones thing for me is hormones were crazy then when we finally make teller the fires head. I'd be inside longer for seven days. I just one hundred twenty degrees just excited to walk around matteo like yay. Get to walk outside. Yeah in we're in a pandemic and pandemic. It was just a just when they say. When it rains it pours. It would just couldn't stop pouring and so and then we moved to napa so those are kind of last two episodes and you can see the moment where you guys win. Which is nice. Yeah yeah and like just artem and how. The family was like What else i feel like. That's it i mean. We have literally the last two episodes and it is because nicole night people will ask us like how was it told me in a pandemic. We'd ever do it again. And say i don't think i'd ever again it really. It was also a lot of work. You're in your own little bubble with everyone. You can't go anywhere so many cova tests. I was so tired of getting my nose. Poke and then it was just like and just so many rules like we wanted to film so much more with like you guys dancing and being there but like with abc's rules and with embassy universals rules. It was like no cova everything. All we ever heard was like cova overnight. Move it everything was shut down and it was like just in our houses and for me. I just got to a point where i was like the pandemic stressful naff. I don't need an also Out with filming and and so. I'm hoping if we get next season we go back. It's just it's i gotta hold this beth. We're going to get back to the podcast in just a moment. Let's be real for a sec. Everyone always wants to talk about how important it is to get a good night's rest but following the advice can be really difficult. I don't know sleepiness so hard. Sometimes i feel like it should just be the easiest thing when you're tired it's day. Just wanna shut off but sometimes it feels like actually impossible to fall asleep. And that's why the folks over at hemp fusion created sleep support to help you get the rest that you deserve to feel your best every morning. Their sleep support blends ten. Milligrams a cd turpin omegas gaba and black pepper and clove oil together. They unleashed the entourage. Afaq working together to deliver powerful benefits that equal well-rounded sleep support. That we all need so whether you're up with kids pets existential. Dread this one hits home you could turn to sleep support and get the rest. You need to handle anything. That comes your way. I love him. Fusion cd products and sleep support it has come in clutch for me lately and there are those nights when you just need to calm down. I just need to go out sometimes and put your mind and body to rest and sleep. Support does attract a love. Not having to count. How many hours of sleep. I've been trying to fall asleep. That's the worst and to make it even easier to try. Sleep support at any of confusions premium cd oil products offering my listeners. Twenty percent off your next order when you use promo code vine checkout once again that's fusion dot com promo code vying for twenty percent off your purchase of highly quality oil from hemp vision. All right my little off the vine listeners. Do you own or rent your home. Sure you do and it could be hard work you know. It's easy bundling policies with geico. Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowner's or renter's insurance along with your auto policy and it's a good thing too because you already have so much to do around your home dot com. Get a quote and see how much you could save. Its gyco easy visit. Geico dot com. Today that's geiko dot com. You're listening to off the vine with kaitlyn bristowe. I gotta give you guys both tops. But i mean especially you doing that for the first time arm. Not being there for the most part a pandemic the fires travel just everything must have been so overwhelming. And i really appreciate that you're going to open up about that. Share that On the show. Because i mean like i said earlier. You guys are just so real and honest and raw. And that's why people are drawn to watching the show and you both. But i think that's important to show that side of it and i think you're both so good at doing that. Showing both sides of everything like the the love and the happy times but also sharing the struggles in. I mean you do it so on your podcast on the show You have a book i mean. What else do you have going on. I know you're right. The why knows all about all of which by the way you need to come to napa and hang wish coming your way. I'm going to be there. Ninety s her bottle rocket going on so. Yeah but you know it's crazy. 'cause nikki i we. We always say whatever we do has to be authentic to us. So it's actually kinda fun. Now that we're mama's. I've been waiting for this one to be a mom to join me and my mom but we're now starting to look into like doing more stuff with a especially our boys girls into mommy products and kinda going into that world because now this one understands all the stuff you need it's unreal but an inconvenience but we also like things a little more glam like we saw. We've been kind of we have a project coming out here soon. That works for everyone to see definitely. That's exciting and okay. I'm gonna make you guys confessed me because i loved yours last time and then we'll play a game and then i come on your guys podcast but yeah okay so confessions do you. Do you have a good one for me so okay. I'll do semi recent one which bree so. I had my good friends over for new year's eve and some family and so as they were leaving. I was putting things away and i accidentally tooted right in front of them but everyone thought it was the two year old so i was so happy inside and to your girl and then all of a sudden my sister like looked at my face and she goes no way that was not stevie was unicol from across was like helping out in the kitchen and they were like almost out the door and i was like excuse me and i'm giving you breathe look like are you kidding me right now. I believe you're going to like all the heat on another. She goes to the family goes. You're really gonna let everyone blame this two year old for your tooth and i was like. I can't believe you're doing this to me and i was like some guys like tooted and i'm like i can't believe like i'm dealing with this and then be like texas me later. That night goes. How much does it suck for you. That your last impressions of the allen's is that you to you. yeah. I like dogs. I play my tweets on the dogs. Yeah i used to do that back to the day. My husband caught on finds. It was like no it was not the frenchies and i'm like i try to do a tale. I feel bad. I blame taylor. I know it's like tayo g. league he can't handle his bodily functions so it's easy to blame him because he had towed and you find it cute when it's the cutest you know. Yeah gosh gosh a confession. Jeez him i know. But i have to confess you. Mommy one time breastfed you. When she had three glasses of wine and not to. And you know it's funny because so many moms are like do it. He'll sleep good through the night now. He ruined my life that you like woke up every hour and a half two hours. I was like so tired on my. I never again. I thought like. I was being punished by god that you just looked him in the eye. While you confessed jimmy more weight that actually have nothing to do with my next game. It's this is the final thing it's called. How do you proceed. And it's. I'm just going to give you hypothetical situations. Imagine the following scenario is happening to you and let me know how you proceed. And that's what. I was thinking about with bombs and being on instagram and everything. So you open your instagram. Vm's to find a flood of supportive messages from your fans but there's one very unsupportive message that pops up mummy shaming to the max about how you're raising your new babies as always the woman sending it has a bible verse in her bio reminding everyone to always be kind. How do you proceed. You start because you done this. Actually i have wifi like how i would do. It nowadays would be different. But what i used to do is i'd always kill with china's always take a piece of their bible. So i you know Let's listen to what jesus said. And i give them something but i think now i'd be like you do. Don't worry about me. Unfollowed like that. Night unfollowed. So i feel like i'd be more like that. No more killing with kindness league now. I don't have time for you. Don't and the mummy shaming so crazy on social media. But i think i would say while it wasn't really christian like but you could definitely follow me. That'd be great. Thank you will be doing. But i do think you need to start interface. His buddy agrees gets so like buddy. I get so tired of the haters. Online are women. That should be supporting. I need to be doubt. He gets set a great example for that. She just calls them out. I love it. I love it. I've said so many times on my podcast. But i hate when people are like. Oh just ignore them. I'm like no because what if they really realize something that i'm a real person on the other and they think about it the next time and don't do it or what if like the guy just like standing up for myself. I feel like that's important for me as i used to do that. A lot and it would be crazy. The response back to like shoot. I never thought you were going to see this. It's like no. I did see it and now that wasn't cool. Yeah so my husband always wants me to write to everyone he goes. You just need the same answer for everyone. And it's shinbone to the dom when your momma ain't home he literally says every time i'm like. Oh my gosh. Which i write. And he goes shinbone to the domain home. Yeah he wants me to just hit everyone at all the haters copy and paste. That's a we always say. Bless him and block them. Yeah i love her. Okay last one. The pandemic is finally over. We're all back to somewhat normalcy When you're approached the casting team of dancing with the stars they want to invite you both to the show to compete in sister themed season. How do you proceed. how yeah. Because i'd beat her and this is why she you know she i. I told him call. You're always serious in your facial smile. How fun like she does not realize how scary it i do enjoy is. We're not just dancing like we know we're going to get judge writer. I would go live. And i would hear that the click noyce and now i would not nightmares for a while with the three handled the clicks. Because you would practicing at home and you'd be like i can't hear the clicks anymore. Yeah they're looking chills. Thinking about the clicks the click. We went for sure. Do it and i finally proved debris that no. She couldn't beat me. So i think it'd be the one thing i'd beat you. I would love to see that. I will say when you were saved earlier. Vote teasing nicole about the chemistry. I'm like artem had like brother. Sister teacher student chemistry like we were going to dance together. I your bags dancing together. And i was like i mean. Obviously he's a dad engaging stuff his choreographies very tame now which. Yeah but yeah. I was always like holy crap. You guys did so good together. I actually loved. Oh yance together thank you. Will you know it's funny that you said because i tell them i'm like choreography just seems so a different than everyone's like 'cause i was engaged at a time so i'd have to go and like not explained but i was like. Wow you're not to explain. I is like i i would be so embarrassed like and they would never air that stuff of me bike. I used to when i get really. Just start to wrestle an asset and you would be like with the. Because i just didn't know what to do because like all of a sudden his legs in between mine and i have to like roll with the hell like this is not kids and they would never air that because i think they were used to like a woman doing that. They didn't know how to handle it. But i remember brian. He saw one of their dances music. Yeah you're never doing nancy. They were nuts. I was like had like way. Chris show glad had yes. They're very similar. Like oh man. I don't know if i'd be able to do it with gleb. Because his choreography is next level sexual and i'm like not a sexual person i'm very much like that would make me uncomfortable with gleb and doing dancing like that. I'd be like this isn't me like remember. Artem telling me about the the toxic video and he was like at the beginning. You're luring your do nece on. I literally takes everything. If you try. And pretend to be lured and i'm like that goody and bean crawl in order i know but you. I thought that was amazing. I do that so well and even with your ticket talks. I think you have such sex appeal. You you flip your hair like all that stuff. Yeah but it's a not trying sex appeal. Which is the best. Which is the cycle. Thank you i. I'll take it from you guys We'll do much for being on the pod and tell everybody i mean everyone already knows where to find you guys. What's coming up but tell tell everybody like you know whenever whatever you're launching is coming out where they can find that and all the updates and everything awesome fitting his So you can check out on her. Youtube channel slash. The bella twins check us out on our geez. We're constantly updating everyone. We have our new paperback book out. Incomparable we also are going to have some fun. Mommy mommy line coming out soon. So the bella. Brie bella we have Were sold out of weinstein next season. Me and hickory. And a haircare nicole and breezy. You want good hair and you could have caitlyn scrunchy should do. I am 'cause. I just came out with a some scrunchy steph for damaged hair because my hair is so damaged so i need to get on your hairline to. Yeah yeah and obviously check us out on her. Podcast absolutely okay. Thank you ladies so much. Lovey by buddy on youtube but he's they backed by looking. I'm kaitlyn bristowe offseason next tuesday. Thanks for listening to off the vine with kaitlyn bristowe get you episodes. Every tuesday exclusively on podcast. One dot com the podcast. One app and subscribe on apple podcasts. One third of all murder cases in america remain open. Can't told me that. If i opened my eyes he would slit my throat. Each one is called a cold-case dna evidence taken from the victims of match. The linen rapists was at it again based on the hit a any television program. Phone call is placed. One that changes a family's life forever cold case files. The podcast chickens to the fire in his eyes screamed at me. You want it. Get your tape recorder. I'll get new episodes of cold case files every tuesday on podcasts. Spotify apple podcasts. In anywhere you listen to podcasts.

artem matteo Geico dismore ellen Bristowe caitlyn gleb Bella aka tiktok nikki cova artur brandon val max Buddy Son bond kaelin saint ono
Goodbye 2020

Mommy & Me Not PG

43:40 min | 7 months ago

Goodbye 2020

"Hey guys welcome to mommy and me not. Pg you are back again with victoria and leslie and this is the last episode of the year. Oh yeah that's crazy now. The year flew by. It really did so last weekend. We had our graduation dinner celebration. Yup your grandparents were nice enough to make a special dinner. And i made some cupcakes in some side dishes. There was a lot of fun. Yes you can watch our youtube video to see a little more about making our cupcakes. Yeah we did a red velvet kind of healthy cupcake and decorated it. I use races and chocolate squares to try to make graduation caps with twitter's lers twizzlers as a taffarel's created. Dad got involved superfund gap. It was it was. And i dressed up on last time in address actually on its way to the cleaners today so no more smelling make champagne. Yep so that way you can Take pictures with your grandparents which they were super appreciative of shore. Yes and the dougie's might have said that already i forget Also on our youtube we talked about teddy ping. But for those of you that have not seen that video we will recap that so had that a we know about that. We talked about that morning. You stepping in. Charlie's poop yam video on youtube. Oh in talking about on here no now if for the end people that didn't really we're going to talk about it. We don't know who's seen the youtube video or not. Yes that was a joy that was that. We've we've come into a new problem where the dog doesn't seem to want to go up and down the stairs because somehow became traumatize when we tried to get into go up so now when you let him out there are two steps to come into our house and he no longer takes them so we had to somehow physically bring him in and if you go outside he runs away. So that's problem number one so we had a major major snowstorm and then charlie went outside. We definitely about this. But did we talk. He definitely didn't talk about tiny peeing in my bed. Well then we charlie was. Yes because teddy pete. My bed after edited the podcast. Okay so we did talk about. Teddy pooping harley. Pooping in the house right. We never got to the part. Where teddy okay. So then when upstairs while i was editing right so she was upstairs editing. I don't know she was downstairs. Editing and i hear the dogs barking because somebody had pulled into our driveway. And i'm hearing one bark. That's just ina distance and i'm like why or where is the dog that he's working in a distance so i realize he's barking from upstairs. So victorious bedrooms all the way on the opposite side of the house. When you open the door closes behind you so the dog must have ran upstairs when into her bedroom. The door the door closed behind him. Yes which has happened. And he locked himself and so he barked embarked so i went to go get him and and i informed victoria that the dog was locked in her room and she says did he and i said let me check read each and i opened the door. I peeked in. I didn't see any dog. P and i went back down. So then pretoria decides let me go check myself. And from the staircase as david and i sitting by the staircase every she was upstairs decides. I don't know she was playing some weird reverse role and she thought she was my mother and screaming. Come up really really. David looks like is she talking to the dog. I'm i'm saying. I hope so because i know she's not talking to me like that because we're going to go back to roll reversal and it's me on. And the reason. All the yelling happened was because he peed on. Charlie's christmas bed then he paid on his way from the christmas bed to my bed then he peed across my bed. He peed on his way off the bed and then he peed on a cube thing and there was a lotta pe- so to tell me that you can see it was his boss information and that's why i was very upset. Because how are you going to tell me that. You don't see all that p that's how i know you really didn't look ma. I didn't inspect your room. And you know what but ph it and come in like three d. but let's see. Did she come up and clean up the poop that i stepped in with my sneakers that i had to throw out when she was notified of that. Well you notify me via snapchat and screamed. Justice is notified. Yeah so that was a joyous day but that was the start of the graduate celebration which actually was a very nice time way better than we thought we got over the whole thing and just continue to enjoy it had some great cocktails had some great salmon and steak and mushrooms. Yeah nice green beans. Yeah it was nice salad. Yeah bread appetizers. Good day a good day and then since we're talking about food and so it's all we do around here For christmas eve slash day. Yeah since we're not doing. We aren't doing gifts because we we've got our own way of doing gifts like mine. Was i guess. The whole schooling thing. I'm doing that to me. Is my gift you know that cost quite a bit and then victoria is moving so because she's moving my gift or our gift to her will be some furniture and stuff like that and household needs which we've already started. Yes which i show in the vogg also. Yep would you get so far. I got the super cool forks knives and spoons. I got a pot and pans set. I got pyrex set or an oxo. Pyrex seem difference so vacuum a vacuum gap. Which will be coming soon. And then we'll start ordering the bigger items soon. We're still in like we're so wondering how to do that. Just because i don't know if i should order it here or to there because it depends on when i order right and since right since you're moving in by we don't have to drive it all the way three hours away. Yeah so we're deciding on that whole thing and yeah so we. We did a lot of that stuff and that so since. Our christmas is not traditional this year. We're trying to think of something fun and we'd love to cook and we love food so i figured i idea we had was to do appetizers and then i was like oh why don't we do international appetizer. So we're going to appetizers from different countries but the amount of things that we picked. I think it's gonna be two days between christmas and new year's christmas eve and christmas day. That's how we're going to have to do it. I don't know about that. That's a lot of once we start. We might as well finish. Yeah i mean we don't eat it all tomorrow but like we just have leftovers because nasa we're we're deciding which countries we have some korean stuff that we know we're definitely making debating on a georgian dish so that's interesting spanish dish from spain right. What spanish great. Some people are weird. Oh spanish meaning leah. They don't seem to realize that. Spanish is spain and it's puerto ricans and everything else mixed in. What else are we. make our. Make some desserts so linzers so called windsor maybe lenses yeah should gingerbread men just because i really want to build a gingerbread house but since there's no point in eating a gingerbread house i guess i'm not doing that so i i decided gingerbread men we're okay and i'll bring them to my grandpa because he'll eat them though. I'm willing to make gingerbread and cut out the house so she can make her own gingerbread. How but then like. It's not fun. That makes it even more so much more work. That's the fun of it. Yeah so hopefully. We'll be filming all that so you can kind of feel the fun little things That we're going to be making from different countries. We're just not sure on all the countries yet. I know this greece in there obviously american spanish from spain. Some korean probably middle eastern Definitely italian friends in a. We haven't yet indian. Hopefully but i have to have to figure that out things going on. We're going to start the on christmas eve. Yeah well we're going to start the all right today. Yes yeah so for those of you that don't know today is december twenty third and we're gonna start prepping and continue on in the kitchen for about three days a lot of fun. Yes but to conclude twenty twenty. I think overall it was a good year. If you dig deep but from like the forefront and looked like a terrible year. I think for everyone. So we're gonna talk about the good and the bad of our year even though there wasn't that much bad when we tried putting into hindsight But i kind of came up with this idea. Because i was going through all of the months from the year and was started in january and i was like oh that happened and then i realized it did not want to do that because i did not want to start reflecting and everything because just seemed like way too much to take in so we just came up with youth things off the top of our head that we can share and then we'll follow with our goals. Were twenty twenty one. Yeah and i think. I constantly hear this all the time from people. Oh have you know thank goodness twenty twenties over next year has to be a better year and when you're bringing that up it's interesting 'cause we actually wrote down are good in our bad and i wouldn't recommend this for other people because his bad it may have been one bad thing that happened but it wasn't terrible like there has to be good things if we're going back to january or the beginning of the year and kind of a you know what it could be worse obviously but it isn't that bad and maybe put it into perspective so you can kind of find the positive in all this. Yeah i would definitely agree to bad things. Yeah i think. I have a two dot tie in or maybe three one of them ties in with the with the other one. Yeah so yeah so go. I sure okay so i started. Twenty ha. I remember. we were all here together. And i started twenty twenty with my first ever five k. So yes i was like. I thought that was on. Chris knows a new year's day five. I've never ever ran. Always wanted to try it. Scared to death and it was the day after new years yes. It was a day after new years. We were me david inventory. We're here alone early that night so nice we thirty first. Whatever day that is we went to bed really early. We didn't know. I slept through the new year. Oh for the better. Yeah we stood. Yeah okay we early ish. Maybe like ten. Yeah that's the leap for reality early for other people right victorian. I go to bed every night at o'clock so we were in bed so right. It was lee for us but early for new year's eve. And i was really nervous and i was like okay. I'm going to do it going to do it I was taking cross wit classes at the time. And i was running and trading myself to get better and better so i did my first five k. I came in third overall women. And i was twenty two out of fifty five overall men and women and it was freezing. It is freezing I finished in twenty eight. And it's maybe three point one zero three point five ks three point one. Yeah okay. Yeah i finish in nine minutes and ten seconds per mile right yeah not finish no mile per mile twenty eight twenty eight twenty five was my total time and i was so it was cold and i went down there. Yeah of course. I went down there. There were other people that i knew that had their families. There cheering them on and david inventory. Like we'll stay behind because you did kind of drink and hang out that day before it ain't you. Oh just freezing. I have pictures from the day. I looked really alive and well. Okay well whatever. Nobody came to support. And i did my five k. And i did. I finished strong to me. I finished so strong. 'cause to come in third for the first time and to complete it. It was just the whole thing that i was able to do. It was able to get out there and run it and everybody was so supportive. Running community was better than i ever thought You know they would ask you know. They knew that. I was i first timer and everybody was so great and giving advice and i finished i did good and somebody took a picture of me that was in my family but i'm not bitter so that was awesome and that was that was my number one because that's how i started the year. I was a good thing. I was a great year. The bad thing. Oh we flipping back and forth. I told you we're supposed to talk. Bad i oh how did you get into that okay. Well we started on a good no so it was meant to be but what was a bad thing so they wanna get my bad stuff over with. Oh that's a good point all right so that was my good. No okay so. I'm going to go into my bad incomplete. My bat okay. So couvert happened and the shutdown happen and to me. It wasn't terrible. Because i enjoy being home so i was happy being home. I looked at it like that. And although the gym shutdown. I wasn't able to go there holding zoom classes. I was able to work out from home and still do crossword so i was happy but i sat here like a lunatic. Saying oh my god i have all this time. I'm running these. I'm going through. These cross fit classes then. I was running five miles seven miles in the house on top of cross on top. Like doing one. Right so i sat there and i ran and ran and ran and then i started to get pain and then i realized it was something really wrong with my ankle and to the point that if i was jumping rope or doing any kind of exercises or running i'd have to limp. That pain that wakes up in the middle of the night. It was a nightmare. So i pushed through and i continued to work out but i knew something was terribly wrong and that was probably my bad thing. I love running so much. Yes and then you know with covert i guess. The only being that i'd say came out really bad is hey wearing mask. I don't enjoy. I do it because i know. It's for safety purposes. But i don't enjoy it at all especially i work in an environment where i have to wear it all day and then if i need to go anywhere i want to go anywhere. I have to wear it on top of that and the big thing with it would be not having large family. Friend gatherings so disconnect is pretty sad. I'm usually a disconnected person as is but you know if i wanna be with everyone. I can't especially around the holidays. So it really. Is those three bad things. i'd say. Yeah so it's not too bad every everything else. This year was fabulous. Okay well the first thing. When i was looking through my pictures about my year starting bad was i saw screen shots from this boy that has scarred me for the rest of my life i come on. I told you if they have opponent tale. I'm running and that was it from now on. I just like. That's where i realized you to stop looking so just overall men's suck and that's my viewpoint on twenty twenty not bad not bad but bad and then My actual bad things. I was just kind of funny. Not really that heard about. It was not being able to have a real ending to college. I mean it's not not that upset about it but it's just like if something has to be bad. I guess that stinks but there could be worse. Things happening so i'm okay. Those are only two. Yeah that's missing something. No no not at all. Yeah i feel like that was my only things like oh all right so yeah so. I started my good with my five k. And definitely even though quarantine. Hobben victoria coming home. That was awesome. That was my definite other. Good thing we've become probably closer than we ever were Yeah definitely the closest we've ever been our entire lives so that was amazing. You're gonna go through the whole list. Yeah okay no you. Back and forth sure This one's kind of deep. I guess we'll start with this one. So i i really learned about people And also i learned about myself. But i think seeing everyone go through a hard time at the same time really taught me something new because normally like you're upset or upset or someone else's upset now we were in this position in the world. We're all of us literally. Everyone across the entire country world nation. Everyone was quite confused as what was going on. So you really started learning about how people deal with almost the same situation So i just think that was super interesting. That's a good thing because i love communication. I love learning about people and it was just neat right definitely so i'd say that going back to that sort of thing. I think i learned a lot about myself. So i went crazy and my fitness journey. But i'd say that he had created something in me like putting kind of physical stress on my body definitely helped me with mental stress. So i have become extremely strong. Not much bothers me even like you know you hear me talk about covert as it's It doesn't affect me that much because believe it or not. The mental stress. That i put on my body has allowed me to handle mental stress or the physical stress. I body has allowed me to deal with mental stress so easily. Nothing affects me. So that is a huge one for my twenty twenty. It's great the what i wanna do next. Oh who's kind of ties in. I learned to focus on me and i really noticed that kinda ties into another point was. I'm starting twenty twenty one with pretty much. No one men wise that was in my life previously and that just feels great because of like in high school and college you tend to hold onto people so it feels good to feel fresh and released but going back to starting each day for me. I love that time in the morning. I love the. I don't have anyone texting me. I'm not waiting for someone to text me. And i think that really changes your whole mindset because one you should never be waiting for someone but to be happy and comfortable in that position just like i wake up. It's just amazing. And this is my first week of not having internship for the past year and a half having a job of the past few years and i can actually wake up and lay in my bed and put tv on. I don't know i've ever done that. New show welcome this break. Because you're not gonna ever have it again. I know this is it. This is joining it. Good good and today. I laid on the couch for an hour. And i watched the real housewives a salt lake city. So the bats enjoyable like. I've never been able to do that. And i've also never really enjoyed watching tv. So now that. I kind of enjoy it. It's been nice to sit down. And then i can work out when i feel like. I don't have to work out so that i can get on for work in time and we're gonna have to take charlie out at a certain time because i'm home on all day. Go walk him. So i just really enjoyed breathing waxing. Good even though it's been two days but yeah but that's good. You deserve it and definitely like i have to do what you're saying. I have to get up. And i have to get my workouts done and all that but you know i'm wondering if i was somewhat of a good influence on you these last few months in the sense that i take the time for me regardless if it's going to be a seven thirty star in the morning for work i will get up at four thirty so i can take my time to do my workouts and just do something good for me So that that's huge. Yeah really is definitely. It's really nice. Honestly yup you've another good thing. Another good thing i i this is. This is a deep one. I would say so. I'd say i mean for me. it's a deep one. I'd say beating on my own and through and through my coach somewhat but like on my own really beating body dismore fia arthur. That's a huge one. You explain to people with so. I had i had. I lost all that. We always super skinny. I was way way under we undernourished unhealthy but a lot of weight. And i did on my own before. I started with coach and became totally obsessed with constantly. Every little thing. I eight watched. We'd it watched it measured. It felt guilty. If i didn't eat right would beat myself. Up would work even harder because of it. You know that's that orthodoxy of thing And the body dismore via. If i you know was gaining any kind of we i just regardless of how skinny i was always told myself in the mirror as being chunky like i just felt. I wasn't thin enough so in building muscle. I've become more open to a different body type gaining way. I've learned to love my body love myself and learning that changes that are happening but learning that gaining weight is not gaining fat right. That's what you really. Oh yeah and loving muscle like to me. It's become it's the beauty that's beautiful. They're not being skinny it. Was you know being strong. Being strong physically which helped me be strong mentally like all these. My whole mindset. And i did it like on my own. Which is amazing. I didn't have to go to therapy or really recognize that there was something not right. It affected our family life. We weren't able to enjoy anything. We couldn't do anything any kind of like activities. Because i was like. Oh my god. I'm not going to be able to get my steps transition to your apple. S stupid fitbit. Really put me in a crazy place and then sorry if a bit but you know the apple. Watch at least tells you to get up every minute. I mean every hour where the fifty it was like two hundred and fifty cents per minute and they would just constantly nag you So the apple watch it helps me with my mindset. i remember. I think it was last summer. We go down the river right. we talk. We did just talked about that at dinner. Oh no but repeated again will. I wanted to go down the river. And she wouldn't go because she had to get her steps and she wouldn't be able to get her steps in the river. Oh my gosh forget about going out to eat because the stress of like what am i going to eat Are they gonna have something. That's going to work for me. And i have to log it and i'd have to figure it out beforehand and and it was just a total possession was way out of control now at yes. Do i log. Food on. And off. I do i do it for my fitness goals So that. I'm eating the right around a protein carbs and fats and so that i can continue to build muscle not to lose weight And if i don't feel like logging. I cannot log. It's fine. i'm not freaking out about it like tomorrow. We are not logging chowing down and having a great time as we work hard we deserve it and we deserve to have a relaxed day so that to me is a huge one for twenty twenty beating that whole thing on my own And like i said like. I feel like my coach. Who didn't give me therapy. Because she camp but she kind of nudged me in the right direction helped me you know we allies it. Being strong was a beautiful thing. Yes and i think this is like a good tip for anyone because everyone's always wondering. How do you still eat healthy over the holidays. I feel like it's the hardest time of the year for people to really stay focused. And then you have these unreasonable goals or irrational irrational goals for the new year. So i think that's part of the kind of what we're doing so yes like we're still working hard but we are gonna take our christmas even dated. Eat how we want early. Star eve teat. How we want. But then also you're still conscious in one in what you're eating because once you start tracking would you start realizing. How many calories certain things all. You're not going to sit here and eat a whole plate of french fries or something. I don't know but that doesn't mean you can't eat some french fries so i think that just like a good way to really try and keep your goals and stay balanced and know that. Okay i am going to fall off a little. I am enjoy. I'm may put on a pound or two falling off now fall off a routine. May you know you. you're gonna might take a turn for a day for a day or two a week curve. Yeah and that's okay. Because you know how to get right back to where it needs to be an enjoy what you know. At least i get to enjoy my food my time and day the day or two or three. Yeah i guess. I'll my next good thing. We're kind of go off of that. So i feel like this year. I've been consistently healthy like pretty much. I remember like comparing this year last year last year. I remember i was tired. Remember i was tired of all went to the doctor. Yes and i still swear my irons lower some things. My is still hurting. Pretty sure that has to do with iron but ritory has to fight hypochondria. I feel like. I've been consistently pretty healthy because like currently. I'm only a pound lighter than i was last year on my birthday when i turned twenty Because or maybe two pounds but like and not. That weight means anything. But i really pretty consistently the beginning of the year. When i had my internship. I was taking charlie on thirty. Forty minute walks at five in the morning before my internship over the summer we were walking all the time and now getting even more into it but i feel like overall if you look at it from a big picture. I've been pretty healthy consistent. Like i don't know if we'll have as many bad pictures of me from this year we others right loot. Do look at some pictures. And we're like oh i looked like i just had air injected into my head. Oh no but i feel now. I feel like maybe this year. We had a better group of pictures. Yeah yeah definitely. And i think a big thing with me is in a with that bad problem with my ankle which is still hurts. I still have problems sometimes. And i still can't run but i'm going to build up to it so i can. I do run. But i mean i can't run long distance I think being proven proved that there are alter alternate ways to burn fat and Without killing myself with cardio like oh my gosh you know. It's always if you look. It's always the women should be running and doing spin class. And all these things and you know. I learned that i don't have to do all those things and kill myself. And kim still stay fit and healthy by strength training and other forms of cardio jumping on the rower and things like that and biking So and i finally bought into my rest as like. I allow my body to rest and recover and i look forward to them where i would never working out. Seven days a week so That's a huge one for me. And then then being able to now dead lift heavy and i can probably get a couple of strict pull ups in And to squat heavier now so all. Those things just are fabulous to me. Yes it's great I think something else will one. I graduated which i think is a great thing of twenty twenty but i did receive my first full time offer after my summer internship. That was awesome. Because when i had a year full of internships even though kobe was still a thing but i think it was great that i was able to graduate and really not have to worry about a job. I mean. they're still always worrying. Because what else do we do in life but at the end of the day job. So it's like awesome. I think i don't think a lot of people could say that right now even marry regardless of just graduating or not. Yeah i think my final final good thing for this year regardless of be shutdowns and how crazy everything was. I got to see eric three times in one year. Like that you chia. That's a huge one. Like i saw him on my own with david. We all went out for your birthday. And then he him and taylor here for thanksgiving so being able to spend time with them is amazing. I mean three times in one year is is is incredible. We were hoping to do. Maybe once or twice a year and we really made the best of had wonderful quality time with small amounts of family so it was definitely would agree with that. It was amazing. it was a great year. The time was you know. Quality which to me is more important than quantity and large crowds of people. I'd rather spend time with one person alone to people for people and just make the best of those moments in this year. I'd say all my moments with everyone that i did spend time with. Were incredible definitely. Yeah thanks you all come. I was person no. But i definitely think burr me at the end of the day. I did have to learn how to relax. But i do like how i took that time so we were able to go see eric for my birthday. Which was amazing because people didn't get to do anything for their birthday and at least it wasn't a time where kovic was at a lower point than it is now but that was super fun for me to really be with my brother. You taylor deal with you guys and just we really had fun. And i think i have to talk about that because my favorite memory from the entire trip that i will never forget was when the group of us all will. You guys weren't there. You guys went to bed but we all wanted to the ocean at night and we're in the ocean for like two or three hours and that was probably the most fun thing i've done life. That is insane to me. What if a shark came in the middle of the night. Well that sucks. That would have been the end of my life. When he was a lot of like it was i was happy. It was liberating. We found a ball like a dog ball playing with that in the ocean. Like it was just one of those carefree moments that you can never make up like absolutely amazing. You even got to go to um would you go to also my list georgia. I went to georgia to visit my friend and her baby and her husband. And i think that was super fun because i love i love when you can really be able to spend time with your friends like it's not like we're just like i feel like although sleepovers are fun really past the point of sleep. Oh aso leg. it's to the point. Like i really got to go and hang out with my friend in have quality time Like that was amazing. And then i also think i was one other trip that i did. That was big at the time. Because of covid was when i went to billy to see my Friend riley and we went to the football game because we in her been going to football games together. Since the beginning of college. We really got to spend time together. That was when biden was elected president. So like those memories. Like i'll just never forget those things it's really. It wasn't like a college night. Were going out with my friend. It was really fun. Did you in florida. This too was that last year. What do i feel like. Oh because it was this spring break that you didn't have right. Yes was last march. Why didn't have spring break regardless of having a spring break working okay. That's right yeah. So what a great year. I did have a spring break though this year. I'll we went through. I was still in school during spring. Break it was. We came back the week after and then we got sent home. Even though i wasn't going to class anyways right. I said that i was traveling. What a great year. yes i think. It was definitely a super goodyear super fun. Salat to look back on. Yeah i guess greatly. Honestly every i mean. The bad will always outweigh the good when you think about things initially but when we started writing things down i think that was really cool and i think other people should do that. Yeah definitely and then i guess next up is twenty. Twenty one yes. So what's our plan. So you have the biggest plans. Mine my i have. I'm so happy with my life And where i'm at. And what i do in my routine that i can't say oh. My gosh i need to change this. And i had this goal and so we're going to start with me because mine is minimal. Want to complete my nutrition and personal training search so that i can kind of do what i love and incorporate it into a part time career And i can help someone else. Get healthier live a healthier lifestyle And maybe help someone with their fitness goals to say i've been helped So i think that would be my big goal. That's a huge goal for me so to be able to do that. I'm giving myself a year Because it's something that i'm doing not necessarily to like change everything in my life but just to help me personally. So that as i'm going through my journey with my coach i'm understanding everything better and then maybe there's one or two people. I can help out in the future. So that's that's my goal. Well do on the say. Thank you because i feel like you have a positive influence on me and even some of my friends think when it comes to that stuff so thanks. You're welcome. that feels good things. Yes you're welcome. And then i guess her twenty twenty one first thing that will be happening as i move huge which it will be big. That was on my badness. Yeah but that's okay. It's it's not bad it's just great. It's sad for me but awesome for vittoria. Think it's definitely sad regardless. Yeah but like. I get live again yes i have just. I don't know. I hope i have fun. Once they move. But you will that. So i move. What's first and then i start my job. Yep and then. I turned twenty two and the year's over so that will be that but i think when i'm excited for about moving. Is that a cappella peleton in the gym. And i don't really look forward to walking charlie. Although i guess that'll be part of my workouts and i'm excited like cook and do all those fun things that i enjoy even like a do them here more. I just choose not to. yeah well. She's definitely going to be cooking for me and having me over for dinner will yeah do that and then i'm excited for starting my job because they're going to try and get us to be in person but who knows if that will happen but that be very interesting to have to dress up everyday again. Yeah and all that all. I do wear leggings now and i really can't imagine putting undressed pants can also they are kinda comfy if you can get into like even if they let you guys go in once or twice a week that was great just once or twice rather than going in five days a week actually rather than going zero. Yeah like the perfect balance. And i hope that will lead me to making more friends. I ready no the group of people. Who are i'll be working with unless they hire additional people not really sure if they did that but i think it will be super fund be able to really get to know them because i only got to know them virtually Even though i knew some people from temple. But that'll be fun. I hope to make older friends as well. Yep i hope to be with my mentor and person and not for an interview because we definitely were able to bond. I just think there's so many things to look forward to. It's great which is nice. Even though it's forever away literally feels like forever. it's gonna recreate. It's going to be fabulous. Oh and i have one more goal. What's is remembered to become more consistent with fitness and this year. I said i was pretty healthy all year but like just and not because like a month ago i was working out every day doing weights and lifting and now just running every day so not necessarily doing one or the other or both all the time but just really like right now. I'm doing pretty much seven days a week or just fine. Because i'm still young enough and i'm not gonna die and some days i do less than others but just a off if i could do. Three hundred sixty five days of at least iran a mile like that would be awesome or just like something like that like a real thirty minutes of working out. Because i know with these watches. You'll just put it on and walk around the house until you get the calorie not to do that. Because i'm pretty sure. I think that's a great one. I think i'm going to do that too. Yeah i'm pretty sure. Let's see see so if i go to my words apple. Watch you up for failure. They just sushi thinks yeah those algorithms they sit there and they watch and then because he did this they're going to push you further and further and then they make the goal next to impossible at some time. Yeah i'm trying to figure out on what streak i'm on. I'm on five hundred and twenty four days of burning enough calories on this watch burning doing matt many excise inches only set to thirty. So let's not a big deal and was standing for twelve hours a day. Five hundred and what i say. Twenty four days of doing that. See that's great in a row. I might defy them. See your five twenty four. I might defy them. Because they're just they're like now pushing me to do two hundred and something minutes of exercise day and there we dick yetlis you know. I have a goal set on the watch. Let it be golden or they have to make it to get an award. You have to do this. So i might literally defy them. Come january twenty twenty. Yeah and i so they also set challenges for you every month right and you didn't start them until i told you about them. Correct right so. I've done every month except february and i really remember what february's was so february. They told me to do this. However many miles a day is when i was interning. Now's absolutely not because it was like eight miles a day. Yeah you see. I was not doing that. They have one last chance if my january goal is ridiculous. I'm going to kind of want to look at what mine. We're so january. I did two thousand nine hundred and fifteen exercise minutes. What so the whole month. Yes i was supposed to do however many a damn sure in march i was told to burn. I don't know how many calories a day. But i did almost twenty three thousand just ninety three calorie shy and then back to april had the exercise minutes almost four thousand almost doubled. That may was once again. The calories june had a double my move gold ten times so i had a burn. Twelve hundred give collies. July was easy. Think they notice started getting lazy and my rings every day. August was exercising. Its again and that's where we cheat. September i had a double move gold twice so from july to september. They noticed a significant decrease in my activity. Same thing with tower said double your move goal three times november was the same thing but back down to two times. They know me too well and then this month i have to once again. Close my rings every day. So maybe i want my goal to be to get actually challenging goals because mine is giving me because they knew i was being lazy unlike yours. I mean yours. Are binary nicholas. I don't even know what to do with this thing. Yeah all right. So i think we are set for twenty twenty one. Make sure you check us out. Now since we're not filming the podcast and just adding the whole youtube thing. Check out on youtube yes You can see what the Videos are linked to our lives in podcasts. Yep we're going to start filming soon because we're going to start cooking for tomorrow. Yep yes so stay tuned. Please watch please subscribe to our channel comment down below on any of our social media's if you have a specific new year's goal or something that you really loved about this year or you didn't like oh you have a question or a question or something. He wants to talk about or hear about more anything. Just talk to us. I guess and let us know how you like it. So thank you for listening to mommy and me a pg bye bye.

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2021 Possibilities: Things for Leaders to Consider

The Innovative Leader

1:01:07 hr | 7 months ago

2021 Possibilities: Things for Leaders to Consider

"Hey this is david from the innovative leader podcast. Listen if you haven't heard about anchor it's easiest way to make it podcast not until you wind first of all. It's free second. There's a creation dual that allows you to record. And edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer anchor will then distribute your podcast for you so we can be heard on spotify or apple podcast and many many more before you can make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership number five. It's everything you need to make a podcast. In one place. We moved our podcast from another provider to anchor in. The process was easy. So even if you have a podcast and move it one move it to anchor. The process is easy and simple so take it from us at the innovative leader. Move your podcast or sit up your podcast and anchor dot. Fm download the free anger app or go to anchor dot fm to get started. Welcome to this episode of the innovative leader podcast christie geiger leadership coach in me. David phillips a leadership consultant. Hope that we can inspire you today. We can provide you some tools. Resources some thoughts to help inform transform. Your leadership mindset. Thanks for joining us and we hope you enjoy today's episode. Hey folks. It is the the friday before christmas gallery at the end of twenty. Twenty in twenty twenty one is two weeks way and So the day on the animator christine are just going to talk about the possibility of what we see that could happen. could be possibilities for things to do things that are going to happen in twenty twenty one. We're we're bringing out. A crystal ball is quite a clouded. at this moment in not really. We're just gonna talk about some of the things that we think might happen. The way things might look have one she does. She does have one. I love it and it's not cloudy at all. In fact there's christmas panic even shaping up does it. Does it have the snow. And everything super cool. It's like the cute little love. It very cheery cheery and we need that the northeast yesterday about you know ten feet of snow. All that weighs crazy. And i'm here in metro atlanta. They're talking about forty percent. Chance of a christmas eve snow or snow after the christmas eve. One of the two her christmas day one of the two so even even chilean is far south as florida. Christmas so you know. This is very twenty twenty right. I think that's going to be like the phrase for the next five years ago. This is twenty twenty or twenty twenty. Everybody will remember that. Oh let's just twenty twenty Anyway so we're just gonna kinda talk about in. We really haven't played much out the talked about this very much. Usually we Some communication during the day and talk about things. We really haven't done a lot of that today But we were just talking about what we see. Quo could be possibilities in twenty twenty Twenty twenty one based on kind of what's going on now. What's what's going to be happening in the first part of the year potentially in all those kinds of things so christie. Why don't you this kind of start off. tell us what. Tell us what you think could happen in as we hit twenty twenty one possibilities are there. Well i think you know like your like we're joking about the crystal ball it's i. It does feel like that when we talk about right. Now i do think there's a there's more articles and podcasts and conversations about twenty one productions and what is going to happen and the reason why to me. I believe that's happening is because they're still so much that is the unknown and our brains are minds really crave. What is no one. We've talked about that before in past podcast about scarf and certainty and we have certainty. We feel more confident to do our planning. And our goal setting and and being that frontal lobe big picture and when we have uncertainty we tend to be more limbic system. It's a little bit more emotional. People feel more uncertain. They can feel a little bit more anxious or nervous. And so we have this human desire to want to know to want to have greater certainty and when we have that sense of uncertainty. We tend to feel a little bit more anxious. They think that's why right here in the united states and other places in the world to the us. I think a lot of people are very encouraged by the vaccine coming out and feeling like that's providing a little bit more certainty for them which then begins Informer change some behaviors. Some decisions and so. I think there's this quest for certainty when really there's still lots of uncertainty and to me. I think really when we're looking at our twenty twenty one possibilities. We're looking at our trends. We believe. I believe that we are in this changing era and that as we talk about our two point zero and four point leaders we are tipping into the four point. Oh era i believe that twenty twenty and covid has really massively accelerated the change into this air that we hit anyway when we talked last year at the end of twenty twenty. We were talking about this. These leadership shifts these business shifts. That were happening but With the ships that were happening it kind of seemed like it was gonna take awhile. That people were still resistant. It was a lot of early thought and we were still kind of tied to the way we do things and what couva did was really it. Was this massive accelerator into the way we work the way we think the way we operate and largely. I still believe that people in general see that as a blip on the radar two thousand eight hundred twenty. Was this anomaly. You're that while cove had made us have to do things really differently and good riddance. We are just waiting for twenty twenty one to get back to normal. That i believe is a mistake and a setup for disappointment Couple of things number one. I believe the cheese has moved so we've moved more into this. Next era like it or not. A covert and twenty twenty one have accelerated some of the transitions that were coming anyway and so people have gotten used to more shopping online. They've gotten used to working at home. They've gotten used to some of these more dynamic nature of things. It's changing and shaping economy business. Things like that. So i think one there are some changes that have happened that we we. Why are we. Li- we're comfortable in our old seats. Were comfortable in our old shoes. And so we're kind of hoping that it's going to go back that way so when i would say when i think about possibilities is one possibility as what if twenty twenty one is more of twenty twenty. What does that mean. what does that look like. And not in a way that. It's this twenty twenty of the roller coaster of cove. Ed and kind of hurting ziobro and down. But if we look at what are some of the trends that happened in twenty twenty around the nature of things virtual learning virtual connection remote schooling remote education remote Like training and conferences. And things like that. How could that continue in twenty twenty. And what does that mean for business. What does that look like. So i think one there's that piece of trying instead of waiting for go back. What if it keeps moving. And what does that mean for us. What does that look like and then just adjusting kind of those expectations because if we think that normal is better we've made progress wrong and so kinda just adjusting. Those expectations of my expectation is that we're going back to normal versus. What if my expectation and preparation is moving forward and to our next evolution. You know So i think that i think in low wage right. I think a think companies. I know company. I work for has has essentially said that the there will be no in office activity until mid june so weird as far as people come into the office. It's not to happen until then in this chance it that travel restrictions will be there as well so unless it's allegra dire emergency. We don't get to travel. We don't go see clients those kinds of things so everything's going to happen. Have to happen remote and i think that what companies are going to see out of that is we can reduce costs that way and in to the point to even to the point that the company i work for is not going to renew the leases on on office space in seattle and boston maybe in two locations simply because they have found the efficient that the there was a drop off of efficiency or communication as a result of everybody work in remote. So i think we're going to see in a lot of companies when When remote is a possibility. That's rebecca be expanded. So you're gonna see you're going to see a lot more at home remote kind of work. I think you're going to see a conferences expand to a lot of lot more online Things as well think education cases going to be tricky. Um because i think had it higher ed levels. Think you're gonna see more more think at the elementary level and maybe even the middle school level or junior high level. I think you're going to see the need for in person on campus learning and in a say that because when the industry at work in number two. I have a wife who is an elementary school media specialist and the stress. That elementary school teachers have is much different than the stress that middle and high school teachers have And the importance of learning to read those first three years of education more hands. Aren't there's more hands on things that are needed to In in those kinds of things. I think i think you can potentially say that education at the secondary level will will remote will be much a much more Possibility but i think at the elementary level. They're going to be so far behind they're going to be playing catch up quite a colorado released some stats that said I think it was third graders that typically in third raiders are are are in their in their learning this year. They're only finding about ten or fifteen percent of those third graders have have reached that level. That's really going be tough because teachers are going to have to try to catch them up education. You know the standards may have to be adjusted. There's all kinds of things that are going to be the we'll have to happen in education So so a see that that possibility. I think the virtual aspect is going to be quite interesting but at the same time. I also think that because people have been cooped up for so long that there's going to be an explosion of movement. I'm guessing april. I'm guessing that by the time the the the vaccine hits you and me which will probably be march april something like that. I think you're gonna see people on the move they're gonna be. I think i think you're gonna see people traveling lot more being with you may you. We might actually see the reverse Robert punishment wrote a book in the sixties seventies. Early eighties called bowling alone. And the idea of the book was more people were bowling but People were there were less less and less people in bowling leagues and idea was people have started to bowl more in solitude than being in community and even think in his book he essentially surmise. That at that point people only had maybe ten good friends that they hung out with Back in two thousand Seven maybe i kind of dismore research on that. He kind of updated that and came to the conclusion that most people had one or two friends that they would confide in Deep kind of personal friendships And so the the bowling alone concept had grown. I think this may be the the first year that we may actually reverse that cycle a little bit because people are going to want to be with people at just think we we have been so cooped up and i think especially about the people in the west california washington oregon the wildfires so they have kobe but they had wild. They couldn't go outside and in. I think people are gonna be starved for touch in relationship in connection. And i think there's opportunity there so those are some things that i agree with you on the virtual piece. I think you're gonna see more and more schools Higher ed Doing much more remote virtual learning adding businesses will be much more virtual Those kinds of things. But i think the human touch the human interaction The the need to be out in a get away from where they have been for nine months For most people. I think he's going to be a huge draw. What do you think about that. I mean you think off any of that. no i'm wondering how how. How does that. Apply to leader then when leaders are preparing for. That doesn't mean that. What does that look like. If we're selling should we be in touch with our customers like it feels like something has changed with the way we do community with the way we do relationships so on one hand people are desiring more of that connection but on the other hand to your point about the bullying people have actually become more independent in the way that they're doing things. So how does that a volvo chain and the way that we do connections are relationships because they do think. I think you're right and i think there's a change so it's almost like this. Both and so people are really craving relationships on. They've gotten used to being more independent. So what does that look like. Does that mean that. We're more selective about who we hang out with. Does it mean that were more that we we are doing more virtual business but we want more human connection personally. Does that mean that we expect more from the workplace and not where we might have been tipped work life balance work life balance or tipping more work life balance are no sorry life balance that we're expecting more. We need more balance on the life. Side is coming out of this productivity era where we gave more to work and we expected life to adapt to our work. Because of this are we. does it. change our expectations. In the way we see our work were like listen. I've been working hard. But i am starved. My relationships and so people put life. I and expect work to accommodate their life. Is that a change. It's happened even with staying at home. So if i'm working at home but i have to work around my kids. Guess what kind of trump work and people say. Okay we understand. You've got your kids at home. Your schooling work. At ten o'clock you work at ten o'clock well that's fine that's good. I'm not making it right or wrong. i'm just saying it helps to it. Contributes to a shifting. Where life as i work a second Maybe a little bit. I don't know if it's fair to say obviously where states-based what i see it a little bit more. Maybe how they are a little bit more. In europe where the european model tended seems like it tends to be more a life work balance versus a work life balance. Us tends to be more work. I it seems like europe can be more life. I is that shifting for the us and so as leaders. We need to be prepared for that in our business. And how do we support our team in our employees. And what do we expect. I don't know i wonder about. Yeah no i actually agree with you. In that case you know Several years ago thirteen years ago. I was in barcelona spain for a week and the whole pound pretty much. Restaurants stated open things like that so much of a barcelona shutdown at noon in open back epa two o'clock and they see were very real and it was time to go and rest in in. Go out and spend time with other people in have hardy. Lunch laugh and joke and drink and do the things come back and work for a few hours. Dinner didn't happen too late or nine o'clock in enough. But i think i think i think you're right on the the work life balance i think is is not gonna be work life. It's going to be life work at. But i think there's been so much i guess years. Here's part of what i'm thinking in how it might I think the remote aspects of things are going to be very real but in leaders are going to have to adjust to that with their with families and with their employees in in making room and making time. Allowances for essentially. If it's possible. Just get your work done you. don't you don't have. You'll have to clock in at eight nne in clock out at five just as long as you get your work done at solid really matters right in. It doesn't matter where you get it done long as you give done. And as long as i can reach you if i need you but you know so many here. Here's the thing there is. There have been so many deaths in the us because code and people can't even get into see their family as they're dying in the way. That has tug on the heartstrings of so many in our country in in tie that to election in I can see this this This mindset in twenty twenty one where people like screw work with my family And i think that's going to be a big deal. Now you're going to have those cases where where you've got people who were just so financially strapped because of this year. So i think that's people are going to have to work and they're going to have to work two jobs and door nash and grope hub and and know pizza delivery and those kinds of things said. I think you're gonna see a lot of that. Even the in the continual increase of those types of positions that are open. At as you know we're going to have would have thirty and forty and fifty year olds working during the day. Then grab an extra jobs at night Either because they can have nothing else to do they wanna make you know. Save money for a trip or a car or whatever. Those kinds of things are just simply because they need the income to pay the bills. So i see a lot of that but i see life becoming much more valuable in much more important a to americans than than work. I think that. I think that adjustment is gonna be very real in twenty twenty one. I could be completely wrong. We make just go back. Employers may go forget it. This is what they want. This is why. I want it. But but i don't see that i think i think leaders have had to transition in Had to adjust So much this year that it's it's kind of become the norm. And i know people hate that phrase but it's it's it's kind of become that way. That's just my gut. I guess. Well i could say. I just feel that the we've called it. The new norm society has called it. The new norm. I really would like to suggest. It is the evolution of progression and that we think that. Oh my gosh. Kovic was such a big disruptor. Covid was simply an accelerator of the change. That was already happening. So you know if we see cove it as this big enemy. That's really messed up our lives. We make cova this moment in time. That's disrupted the norm that we had verse says if we can study and look at cova as simply an accelerator of the change. That was already happening. We can more easily accept the evolutions the evolution and virtual work and learning the evolution and personal relationships in the flip from work to life to life to work and and the priority. Your point is really great. Would that you're talking about as far as that to our siestas situation. There is a trend right now. Also that's happening when we talk about wellness and self care which again ties into a different piece to the web as things accelerate and go faster and faster our minds exhaust and we wear out and so we have to. We've talked about this before too. I believe in resilience and wellness and things like that but if you can just allow me the little example one hundred years ago. Farmers didn't need to go to the gym and there weren't gems because they naturally had a lot of physical labor in their work. So you didn't need a gem as we moved into seventies eighties nineties two thousand the increase of desk jobs and even when we had factory workers and stuff. There is a lot of labor involved in those jobs but as the rise of the computer industry the rise of dash jobs. Well what happened in the rise of desk jobs the rise of obesity and lack of fitness. Because we were sitting all day and so now what happened while the rise in gems and so we needed to literally take time to go work out because it wasn't part of our work. I believe the next phase of that happening as things speed and accelerate the rise of the mental gem of the south balance. Mindfulness our personal resilience. That whole piece. that is going to start to increase. Because we didn't need to do that. We were able to drive the car and just chill out. We are able to do certain things and just chill out because things now are twenty four seven as the virtual stuff you know. We have zoom meeting at any time. That eva is posted in time even at churches. Churches is an interesting trenton example. A used to be sunday morning. Sunday with a day of rest and you went to church on sunday morning. And that was this designated time for your spiritual connection right. What are they saying in churches. Churches are moving from. Don't expect people show up on sunday morning. Church is moving to twenty four seven. Someone may find a church at monday night. At seven o'clock or tuesday at two o'clock it's whenever it is good for them. So what does that mean. That's cool in a way but number one. It makes us have to be more intentional about our mental emotional spiritual. Mindfulness practices am not merging. Our faith with whatever. I'm just saying. Our faith and spirituality is part of mindfulness. Where you're sitting. You're praying you're it. It's all in that genre that type of activity right so now. We have to be intentional about when we're doing that. Be it moves to twenty four seven. So that's great but it's also exhausting so then there's just this way that it changes the rhythm so a you have to create your own rhythms and be. We need downtime. Because it's not built in anymore. If sunday morning you could keep sunday morning as your daily practice or is your weekly practice in your weekly standard. You can keep some of those rhythms. But the point is the rhythms are changing. Or maybe you had a seven o'clock jazzercise class or you had your seven o'clock yoga class or your seven o'clock workout class well since gems and not are a little bit -able. There is economists. Talk about the decrease of gems and the increase of home gems. An increase of things like that so we have to be more responsible for sorry. My connections on unstable. We have to be more responsible for these mindfulness times. Which means that work may implement at one o'clock would there are no meetings because we need you to rest and do the self care. Mindfulness time i don't. I think we need to consider it. We need to consider what changes when we go. Twenty four seven. What changes when people are working at ten o'clock at night. How do we have to be intentional about taking care of ourselves so that we don't burn out. What are we providing organizations to help people to do that because we know we don't. Mindfulness is a very squishy thing. Right that the coon by zan people are doing it. People who are are committed to you know productivity that is difficult for us to slow down but if we don't slow down we burn out so it's an interesting collision of these different things like we need to be twenty four seven but now we're going to exhaust so now we need to schedule when we have our mindfulness time. Because we're twenty four seven. It's just a matter of reflecting what are the habits and the changes we've experienced in twenty twenty which again isn't because at twenty twenty. These are evolutions that were happening anyway. But then how do. We need to adjust. Exactly what the. I think i mentioned it. Before but Chick-fil-a zeke worse are here in in metro atlanta One of the things that they do their employees is they get an hour to go to the corporate. They get an hour to the ginger today And it's simply because of some of these some of these issues that you're bringing up and that's been there. It's not new thing at least four or five years old because they recognize that That that people need to be up in doing an and in the stress of sitting all day hunger down looking at stuff in trying to work is just too much And so i think. I think leaders are going to happen. Did you own a business you're going to have to to be open to scheduling Allow people to schedule thirty minute today to go for a walk an hour to go to the gym. You know those kinds of things and you say well they get lunch break in but some of those lifts breaks her thirty minutes on those lunch breaks. Our it's hard to you. I guess you could technically thirty minutes in at the gym on the treadmill in turn around grab something healthy to eat on the way home on the way back to work but gun allow for those kinds of things But i do think. I think everything you just said was was was right on cue Word i think it's going to become even greater on demand world right on email the other day from from apple i just My dad has always wanted his wanted. An apple watch and our our cell provider had a deal. Rebound get one free kinda thing and so. He wanted ones that we bought one in. I got his. I've got his the second one. Even i had one. I got the newer one and so i can email today apple. His now opened their own fitness in your fitness. If you watched they they have trainers and exercise routines and stuff. It's now you know. I got three months free and then nine anima after that. Everything is all demand You see more and more exercise videos things like you were talking about jazzercise and like that now on demand there's a whole channel there's an hap- disco did work out those kinds of things. My wife does that. She should go to the gym for a routine call power and then she act is much cheaper five dollars months as much cheaper than going to the gym right. So i think you're gonna see a lot more on demand I think that's going to be used church. Services obviously Become on demand everything. There's going to be going to be a production. Quality is to Is going to be a driver. I think i hate. I hate the thought of making a church service. A show But i think production quality will will brayden repeat visitors. Whether it's a church service or something on demand trainings Those kinds of things. I think you're gonna see much more on domain training as opposed to going to a conference I think congress is still gonna be there. They're gonna strain those live. You're going to have two different price points for that potentially But from a transient wedding. I think you can see a lot more on demand training So i think those are things that as leaders we need to be prepared for from a training standpoint from non if you're selling depending on what you're selling if it's if it's on demand available you might you might look into two companies who can put apps on roku Or look at it companies. You can do acts on apple. An apple Environment or even the google environment because you can get training those kinds of things push it out that way so i think apps are going to become much more appropriate. I think you're gonna see usage gola other. There is something in in the. They came across my regard last week in. Don't haven't fleshed out yet so the federal trade commission is is suing debris facebook. If you've seen that. I didn't say that but i i know there's a lot of conversation about that. I think it's interesting how there's like this. I mean i agree. I don't really support any monopolies per se but a kind of fascinates me how there is this like on facebook but there's a lot of amazon continues to get traction which i feel like amazon is interesting because amazon has really the reason why they exploded is because how they allowed people to sell online so they became a vessel for the independence rather than like. Oh everything is amazon. They're a vessel for the independence which is good but yet amazon is really blowing up like amazon health amazon. Like where. they're reaching into his crazy. So people aren't really like on amazon but yet amazon is really a little bit anytime soon. Becomes too powerful. You're like oh hold on. Where's the balance so to me. People are targeting facebook because somehow there too powerful of an influence her and it's not balanced in the influence but isn't amazon kind of in the same bucket. I'm not bashing amazon. I use both facebook and amazon. I'm just wondering now. You know but so amazon so the federal trade commission is is trying to break a facebook in one of the things. I think we're going to go go at our vendors. Be mentioned his To divest instagram in also divest. What's app. I think they're they may actually even go after the advertising arm. If you've seen the movie or the documentary the social dilemma. One of the things that That amazon amazon that all the social media companies are doing in their advertising is. They're they're playing ads specifically in an schilling content specifically to keep people on the page or on on social media site and so when they do that they can sell more ads. they can sell more targeted ads. they make more money. That can still more information. This person spit thirty seconds. Looking at this ad That was related to this video ending. They can target the information to you. I think that's one of the things that facebook's it this press writing People find frustrating about facebook is they will continue to show you what you have already spent time looking at you. There may be If you're right wing kind of person you may only see right. We information won't see the side And so so. They're intentionally doing everything that can keep you on the site. That's the goal a lot. Thank you might see that anything that happens out. There were two years down the road for any of that to happen because monopoly cases take forever to execute. But you could see you could see the the the Social media beginning to to window. And so i wouldn't be shocked to see that two or three years down the road. Rv opportunity for a new competitor new way to connect exactly in in in millennials and even gen z. Really don't they don't connect well in person. there's some anxiety there And so what's going. You start to think what set how that's gonna affect the workforce down the road to So i know this way. Way past twenty one but becca popped in my head. Because i think you're you might see some of the. I mean you're already seeing the shift over the two places like parlor from facebook in need chat or being we you know. There's so many people are going to because they think facebook is such a abandoned thity And so you might begin to see the diversification And not as Social media which affects their revenue but it also increases knowing out what to do with that time so that goes back to the whole social thing again. We're now we're going to have to were. Maybe we become more social. Maybe we don't advertise this much It affects how we advertised and to we advertise and how in targeted those kinds of things. So i don't know that just popped in my head that was a rabbit hole in them so right for taking on that road. Now it's a whole nother. I think it's another don't know if it's a possibility but it's like a possibility and something to consider. I just think it's another thing to think about is a security and bias and communication. Do we communicate We used to. We have moved from again if it go back. Two point zero radio tv and then it's moved to social media. Google ads things like that. So how is how is communication marketing changing. How do we connect with her. The messages that are sent. So what did twenty twenty change in how we communicate and connect and again instead of waiting to go back. How does it accelerate the movement of what was happening anyway and so then we look at. How do we communicate a do. Think it's really interesting and this year at least in the us. Do feel like there's been some good alertness to privacy and also. What are the algorithms behind google behind facebook behind these different things which honestly like were so outraged at bias says but yet we allow these sites to create more biases because again we know neurologically their first of all. There's already something in our brain that when you buy a red car we bought a pilot and all sudden we were like everybody's driving gray pilots. What's that but that we know. That's in our mind that when you recognize something you are naturally conditioned to notice it more in your environment so that happens without any facebook programming right that naturally but then the term. The turnbuckle waves called semiotics. Yeah and where is it in your brain. It's like the basal ganglia or something like that. I don't necessarily know where it is. But the term for that is is semiotics few seek you have something now. Now you're gonna see everywhere. Sign becomes much more visible to you in the world. Yeah right and it's literally in our brain the way our brain works. There's a part of your brain that that's what it does. It's part of the function of that piece of your brain. So that is even without facebook doing that to you and now with facebook or whoever doing that to you and we know it happens right. Everybody jokes about how. You're having a conversation about you know with my husband about tires and also get a tire adam i. I know i wasn't searching for tires. So how did i get a tire out on my phone right and that was a conversation but we see things like that that i think further. I don't know it just brings up this question of. What is the balance of our privacy. Our security what biases do we have. You don't even realize that you have biases because like you said if you're one sided and then that's what shows up and you're like wow look at. Here's twenty articles that reinforced that perspective. Okay actually we would be doing people a favor if we filtered in other perspectives. Tends to be what i'm reading. Give me the article on the other side so that i have more of a bias perspective but just things for us to be aware of so. I think it's communication. I think it's i'm bias I just think it's the other thing to pay attention not to be afraid of but to pay attention to so. If that's true that means that people are looking at things differently. How do we help people to look at things differently. Or maybe they're not looking at things differently so we need to be aware of that and bring that to the table and to talk about it. I think i go ahead. Mogul has to your point So as as a google pixel phone commercial the other day that was telling the security chip in it for privacy and so an apple has has is is been touting privacy for the past several years see your point. I think that's going to be more. And more people are gonna want everything encrypted. They don't want anybody to get their stuff. you know. i think that's the so you might see rising security companies that might be an opportunity. Cryptology those kinds of things in so there's potential there for for making as for making inroads in in a very Internet based privacy focused world so right and then it to me that kind of branches into two different. Here's different completely different. Thoughts but yet related in the topic of communication. We're talking about a little bit around the workforce and i think another thing to pay attention to in. The workforce is evolution of employees and team. So i believe that there is a shift that will continue to happen. That actually moves away from giant companies that employ people. And you're talking about people needing to get second and third jobs. I believe what happens. Is it dovetails again. The forces work together of companies and people. There already was a trend where people weren't as loyal to companies where people want to be have more freedom and independence so it breeds entrepreneurship. It breeds independence. Where they just want to be a freelancer or contractor. The uber driver. You know yes. We could go work for the taxi company or we can be an uber driver. Uber is a company that employs lots of independent entrepreneurs so to speak right so i believe there's a rise at that is going to shift to as we see more people working from home as we see more people seeking i mean. Go look on upwork. There's a lot of people who are like. I just started working on upwork. Why did they start working on upwork. Because they're like well. I can be an editor. I can do this. Let me give this a shot. More people i think are putting their their toes in there in that pool to be independence whether it's because they need extra income whether they like working from home and now they liked the freedom so they don't want to go back to work yes. There's plenty of people who missed that. Social interaction wanna get back to work. There's a lot of people who've gotten freedom taste and independently and working at home gives you a whole different level of freedom that you don't get when you have to fight traffic document decline yesterday. He's loving his lack of hour. And a half commute one way and that gets to work at home and so it creates a different interest. Swear a there's a rise freelance so be it changes as employers. How do we think are we trying to make everyone in employees are how can i use freelancers. It changes the way. That we hold people accountable. How we manage. A freelance team is a little bit more progressive because we use tools like slack or other virtual communication so you know and then back to that whole connection and social media and things like that would rooms and groups are we using. But i think there's a rise and freelance work that will continue to shift and that kind of plays to this other topic the two things that are related but not related as upskilling and what. What are the skills that are needed. You were talking just a little bit ago about security so there are jobs we get all worried about these jobs that are being replaced and i get it is hard. Change is hard. We get afraid we we. Are we get uncomfortable. But there are skills and jobs. That are booming. You axe that user experience This thanking what are we thinking about so as an employer or as a company or as a business owner. Am i trying to preserve the way things were or am i looking out. Where's the cheese moving to. And how are we prepared for that. How prepared for different level of security. How can we be part of that market. How can we be more dynamic. How can we be more virtual. How can we be more nimble. Are we asking those questions. Because i believe twenty twenty one will be more of that it will be twenty twenty and that of change and virtual nessin acceleration only more. So are you waiting to go back to twenty nineteen or are you preparing for twenty twenty two and twenty three so to me. That's what i think is possible. But i think we have to think about. What do we need to change ourselves in our observation. And to your point the way we communicate. Yeah i think. I think businesses are going to have to make a a tough to call 'em now that these people have gotten a taste of freedom are working at home and they like You know you you now as a as a manager or a leader or a boss. Our ceo have decision to make. Are you going to let them continue to do that. Or you're going to try to bring them back into the fold knowing that If they're really good they could ship and do this gig communist with the gig. Economy has been about for the past five or ten years. They can ship pretty quick and start doing their own thing. And there's a lot of corporate knowledge. It goes away when you do that. You have cost of hiring is always or costly. Hire somebody new than it is to keep the person that you have and so In the flip side of that if you if you use freelancers then you don't have to pay social security taxes. He'll play pay. Workmen workmen's comp. You don't have the overhead of facilities in resources and all those things it comes a. You don't have insurance. You have to pay you know. There's so many things in that regards to their decisions to be made with that in in coming out of remote working environmental am. I wouldn't continue to allow that in gig. My staff the freedom to do that aren't trying to bring them in house of knowing that they could leave a very fairly fairly quickly You know there's there's a lot of decisions in that realm will have to be made and it's not everybody's gonna make a different decision there. There's no right or wrong. It just depends on on your level of Tolerance for different things right so I think there will be less driving. I think traffic may reduce which could affect Those those those poor industries industries a from everywhere from from towing companies to Even police officers. That don't work those those drive. Time shifts I gotta imagine that the audible Was doing pretty well With with drive time snout drive time. What does that look like. I think that's a huge one. I've had clients comment on that where they're behind on their learning. So what i seek. Increasing as summaries and excel a-rated quick learning blankets. Or whatever starts to shoot up where i need fifteen minute because that's all i have have to squeeze it in at another time because i don't have that commute exactly so even even from a podcast point you could. If you could podcasts summaries of books people probably jump right into that. The affair you stuff would be With that but i mean that's possible. Yeah absolutely so yes so many things and whatever was we'll see what comes but i just think holding that perspective to see the possibilities rather than returning and waiting. Oh i can't set my dad because we're not quite sure when things are gonna return Back to the way they were and the new normal. Whatever it's just you know embrace them. My doctoral mentor a he. He's the dvr shows in. He would tell me that. I don't really watch the show. I'll watch the commercials. Because he said if you watch the commercials the see where marketing people think were going or are trying to take you in. So i think I think it might be. That might be some good advice over. The next couple of months is to see what the i hate. Commercials have clue. That's how we watch. Tv for live tv in those kinds of things. And even if i were court something. I can't skip past the commercials but the advices is will take in that. If you see where see where marketing people figure we are see where they're trying to take your see where they think that this is going in that that can give you some insights into what's going on You know from a from the the theater stamp one you know people are are Are hesitant to go into theaters. Now we went to a drive in theater. Friday night in west l. and it was a fun experience we had done that and forty five forty years But it was a blast into you. I'm actually there's one down. The road desist opened up. That might be another opportunity from a entrepreneurial staff those and it would be very inexpensive to get go right so so but but you also see like wonder woman eighty four releases in the theater on christmas davis also releasing on. Hbo max right disney plus with moolah hamilton. Those kinds of things are streaming. So there's there's that stay at home theater experience. So cincinnati 'electronic that are going to be purchased to create that. Try to recreate that that environment. Those are things considered so look and see where What's happening now. Watch the commercials watch where were were the marketing and our marketing and that provides a window into what may become a known wrote. I liked that and i. that's why i love seth. Godin i think seth godin is very futuristic and has thought it really has. He's rooted in marketing but his thoughts expand way beyond not but also too. I think that loose back to your other point about this whole people are really struggling to figure out how to do this relationship thing. They don't want to go to the movie theater. So yes definitely something changing with the way we do our fun but it. There's an opportunity there because it's different the way that we used to have fun and get together that has changed so people are figuring it out and sometimes we philo stock because we want to return to that but there's an opportunity in. How do we have fun. How do we have relationships. What businesses and opportunities up so if we take these themes that are evolving and build on them then we get into that possibility opportunity space. So yeah we're gonna wrap up that get really thanks. Sorry that last thought go. No i was say you see the rise from automotive his perspective you see the reduction in the number of cars being produced every year now for a trust issue these right and so one of the things that that is happening with that is people at. We went to the drive. In theater people had piled into trucks and were sitting. There were six people in the band and the trump watching a movie. And so you know you take advantage of those things You have to get together and spend time with people and that kind of goes back to what you were talking about. you know. we've gotta find a way to reconnect in into have redefined. Not redefined fun to reengage each other and half on the s. Those are things that can be done so yeah for sure. Now yeah it's really. It's super interesting to think about exactly. Well yeah it. Is that time in so listen. This is the end of the year. A will not be We will have a podcast next week or the week after. Because we're both gonna be busy with family and holidays and those kinds of things in the so this will be the last one of the year of will be back at the first week in january Ready to go Christie anything else before we wrap up in shut down the the first year. now just Thanks everyone for listening in tuning in great new year. Take the opportunity for a little our in our. I think it's a great time for planning at the end of the year and and looking forward into next year. Wish you and your a good holiday break at christmas new years and look forward to connecting next year awesome. Yeah and if you if you can come up with anything if you see trends things like that we'd love to hear about that as well In in just to know what you're seeing in the world Especially if you're not in the states so anyway we'll listen. I extend my the same thing. Kristie shared help. You have a wonderful time off. Spend time with family and friends try to reconnect. I know. I know it may be hard especially with the rise in cova cases again in but try to get some rest decompress and have some fun and enjoy This time of the year And look forward to be back with you. First of the year sounds gotten take care bye. Hey we would love to hear from you. You're the innovatively podcast christine. Non would love to get messages from you to have an idea of what your thoughts are about this podcast so we would love to send us a message at anchor dot. Fm slash innovative leader. Just go there. Click on the. Send the message button. You can record message straight from your phone or the website. Let us know what you're thinking about what we're sharing would love it specifically about once podcast and we'll share those messages as we receive. Thanks so much. Hey thanks for listening to the innovative leader. Today you can find. This is an him slash innovative leader. You can find his also at our website. Innovative leader dot co. Were on youtube apple. Podcast so anywhere. You get your podcast. You can find this. Also we'd love read. Write us at apple that way. We can We can know what you think of our podcasts and it helps us get elevated in the listings as well also if you'd like to join And maybe help support our podcast. You can do that as well. Go to anchor dot. Fm slash innovative leader and click on the support option and again. don't forget. Send us messages. About what you think of our podcast today anchor dot. Fm slash innovative leader.

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191: What if you suffered from trichotillomania?

This is Actually Happening

40:14 min | 2 months ago

191: What if you suffered from trichotillomania?

"This is actually happening. Features real experiences that often include traumatic events. Please consult to show notes for specific content warnings on each episode and for more information about support services. It always felt like they were to have been the me. That didn't want to be doing this. Then the other me wanting those sensations living in that moment but the person who was pulling was just stronger than the person who wanted a perfect life from wondering i'm witness align you're listening to this is actually happening Episode one ninety one. What did you suffer from. Tricky today's episode is brought to you by hyundai. Why does quicksand work so slowly question. Everything we did. It's how we created the all new hyundai tucson with available innovations like a huge ten and a quarter inch infotainment screen and digital key technology. You to use your smartphone as a spare key and you can always get hyundai's complimentary maintenance for three years or thirty six thousand miles test. Drive the twenty twenty two hyundai tucson at your nearest hyundai dealer or learn more at hyundai. Usa dot com. Call five six two three one four four six three for complete details. Today's episode of this is actually happening is brought to you by progressive. Are you thinking more about how to tighten up your budget. These days drivers who save by switching to progressive. Save over seven hundred dollars on average and customers can qualify for an average of six discounts. When they sign up a little off your rate each month goes a long way. Get a quote today at progressive dot com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates annual average insurance savings by new customers surveyed in twenty twenty potential. Savings will vary discounts vary are not available in all states and situations. My parents raised us in memphis tennessee. Like a suburb of memphis called germantown. It was a really communal neighborhood. There was a neighborhood pool. And my sisters and i would always play outside and the big magnolia tree in our neighbors yard and just do a lot of stuff outside so a lot of good memories from childhood of spending a lot of time with my family and a lot of the time we spent was at church. My religion and my relationship with god was my whole world. I also went to a christian high school in middle school so very involved and surrounded by. I guess the laws of the church. A lot of that relationship was fear based. It's just instilled in me to kind of be afraid of a lot of stuff. I was always afraid. Didn't say the prayers correctly. So i wasn't actually saved. I was always afraid that i wasn't doing the right things that i wasn't praying the right way that i wasn't being the correct christian because i wanted to make sure that i was going to go to heaven not be separated from my family. I think i was always worried that i was going to be alone that they were doing it right and i wasn't you know martyring a big part of or was a big part of christianity. So people would get killed for their faith. And so i was always worried that i was gonna get killed because i was a christian or that somebody was going to ask me point blank. Do you believe in god. And if i said yes they they shoot me. And i think i always just had this underlying fear that somebody was gonna come. Take me away from my family and then i also had this idea of what marriage looked like because of the church. What was looking in a husband. And that i was really geared towards marriage so everything was kind of. Is this boy going to protect my heart and guard my heart for god if he's not he's not worth investing in and i ended up being really hyper focused on relationships with guys. I always wanted to be dating somebody. But i was really insecure. I had a lot of body image issues and compared myself a lot to both my sisters. I'm the middle child. And both my sisters are are blond-haired kind of shorter than i am. They're beautiful and i would always think that they're the ones who are going to get. The guys and i am a little bit taller than them. Which made me always feel really big. I just don't fit the bill so that was kind of my narrative all the time. I was very close with both my parents. I always saw them as like a really great role model of marriage to me. I was always just super open with my mom about worries and concerns specifically about things with my body. Just telling her like. I don't like this part of me. I always knew that she wanted to help me but didn't really know how with my dad. He was definitely like the father. Figure the breadwinner of the family. So family was a big part of my upbringing. But in my mind. I always felt like i was a little bit of the black sheep of the family. We were all such close siblings growing up. But i just i was so in my head about thinking that i'd just didn't belong in the family. That people wanted to hang out with them a lot more than they wanted to hang out with me. I don't feel like my sister's treated me like the black sheep that i thought i was into this day. They always say that. It's kind of ridiculous. I felt so different than them. So this black sheep mentality was very in my head as young as i can remember. I thought women were supposed to look a specific way in men. Were supposed to look a specific way. Almost like you know. Adam and eve kind of as seized perfect depictions of human a woman with long beautiful hair. A thin body was petite and smaller than this muscular man. I wanted so badly to fit into that mold. I hated my body when i was younger and always when tell myself just things i can fix about it or what. I wanted it to look like even when i was twelve and my body was growing i still would look in the mirror and spend so much time crying and being upset that my stomach wasn't flat or that the way i was growing wasn't correct. I felt gross even though i was only a little kid that my physical appearance was not good and not people didn't like it. I always felt hyper focused on different parts of my body and one of the places that i felt very hyperfocused was my hair. I thought blonde hair was superior. And i think that that was just because i had this idea that my sisters were superior than i was so i already felt like i was kind of at a disadvantage. Having brown hair and my hair was also curly and kind of frizzy brown eyes. So i felt like all of these. Things weren't them in and delicate. Which is what i always wanted. So when i was in eighth grade i felt so fed up with the way that i looked that i wrote it all down in a note and i cried while i was riding this in. It said things. Like i hate the way that the roles are my stomach. Look when i sit down. I wish that i could just get rid of all of what my stomach looks like. I wish that i wasn't born the way that i looked. I wish i looked like my sisters. I wish that boys would like me. And i went downstairs and put it on my parents bed and of course they ended up coming upstairs and we're really concerned that i was so sad and i cried to them about that for a long time in that weekend. They told me they were taking me to see a therapist. That was my first kind of break into trying to figure out why i was sad. I was diagnosed with clinical depression. And i ended up probably six months into their getting put on an sri. So i met a boy who i ended up dating when i was fifteen and i felt incredible. I felt like this is exactly what i wanted. But i remember talking to my therapist a lot about. How can i make sure that he isn't the reason why i'm not sad anymore. But i think a lot of my satisfaction in life came from having a boyfriend at the time. And i put a lot of my eggs in that basket when i was a sophomore in high school and i was a year into this relationship with my high school boyfriend. I noticed when i was sitting in my biology class that i had all these split ends. I had died the underneath of my hair that summer and bleached it and so is really just kind of dead hair and a lot of these hairs were splitting and i started to split them with my fingers because it felt like i could fix these pieces of hair that were were not of use anymore. They were dead and so i wanted to get rid of them and ten minutes later i looked down. And there's these little hairs on the ground and all around the desk and i start sweeping them up. 'cause i'm trying to figure out. Why did that. And i went home. And i kept touching the bottom of that hair feeling it and wanting to fix it still and i took a shower and i remember running my hands through my hair bunch and every time i ran my hands through my hair's some hairs would come out and look at them and had this. You know clump of hair at the bottom of the drain. A few weeks went by where i continued to run my hands through my hair pretty vigorously and like see what would come out because of all of that. I ended up feeling a little bit worried that something might be wrong. But i couldn't stop doing it. And it turned into me looking and feeling for specific hairs that were more coarse than the other ones. And it got to the point where i would actually pull the full hair out of my head and i got really interested in the old of the hair so when you pull your hair. There's a little white bulb that comes out. Sometimes and so i would spend a lot of time looking at those remember feeling like there were specific parts of my head that felt like i needed to read the hair from those parts. There was a part of me that really felt like all of the things i was doing was helping. Create a more perfect look and get rid of the the pieces. That didn't belong anymore. So i was convincing myself that the things that i was doing. My hair was benefiting it but in the back of my mind. I knew that it wasn't. When i started fully pulling hairs out of my head i was really fascinated about the root of a hair the makeup of and i remembered the first time i saw the squishy route. That comes out of your hair. It got really fascinated. I wanted to own a microscope. So i could look at it and like see exactly what it was because i wanted to understand it but the feeling of pulling those hairs also was really intriguing and played into this idea that i was rigging myself of of certain ones that didn't belong and if i would get a full hair root out that was like an accomplishment in one of my weekly sessions with my therapist. I ended up bringing it up to her when she was like. Oh yeah that's a condition that people have. It's called tricky. Tila mania. Didn't make me feel good at all that she threw this huge name at me but i asked her more about it and she was saying that. There's this sense of pleasure pain that can be involved intricate tila mania in. I understood what she meant by that. Of course i went home. And google the shit out of trigger tila mania and i convince myself that i was not in the same position as the people in the images that i saw because these people on these images had super balding head heads of hair or no eyelashes an eyebrows. At all and at that point in my my life i had a full head of hair and was just struggling. So i felt like i wasn't in this terrible position that these people in these images were in and that i needed to fight this which ended up kind of tale spun straight into pulling all the time constantly support for this podcast comes from lower jones makers of the world's finest cbd products featured in the new york times vogue vanity fair and more. There's a reason people are talking about. Lord jones not only with lord jones one of the first premium cbd brands on the market and in stores their longtime commitment to quality has scored them a long list of celebrity fans. I'm not surprised. I'm a longtime fan of cd products. But lord jones is truly a cut. 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There's an exclusive offer just for you get an extra thirty percent off your first order at threat up dot com slash happening. That's t. h. R. e. d. u. p. dot com slash happening for thirty percent off your first order threat up dot com slash happening for an extra thirty percent off. Today terms apply. The focus on my body became so tailored to my hair that it kind of in a weird way helped me not focus so much on my body itself. Because i was so hyper focused on what everybody thought about my hair. I wasn't as focused on what people thought about my weight. Or how. I thought i looked in the mirror in regard to what my stomach looked like. I was way more focused on if i had bald spots. I've come to learn that body. Dismore via also fits into the category of body. Repetitive focus behavior like nailbiting white trick till mania like skin picking so it just went from one body. Repetitive focused behavior to another and trick till mania was stronger than my body does morpheus. But it was still there. One of the biggest triggers for me for pulling was pulling so this stress that polling brought to me was egged on by like more pulling and more polling and than the denial that i was in this position that these people in these images were in brought me a lot more stress and i remember. I'd always say if i stop today. It'll be okay if i stop today. I won't get to that point. That i saw those images. But i couldn't stop and i felt really alone in that fight. I did eventually end up connecting with a man at the church who has trick. I walked into his office and the he has a completely shaven head. And i remember walking in and bringing up to him that i i think i sometimes deal with pulling my hair out and he told me that. It's uncurable and that it will ebb and flow in seasons and i remember feeling very distraught by him. Telling me that it wasn't something i can. Just get rid of. It was really hard for me to realize that this could be something. I deal with for the rest of my life. I remember a lot of times being in class and not being able to focus on what the teacher was talking about. Because i would just be looking at the ground and counting how many hairs i was pulling out and trying to stop myself at a certain number so i wouldn't keep going and then also i would try to scatter the hair so it wouldn't look like there was just this huge amount of payers under my chair and then it got to the point where i would be looking in the mirror lot because i would concentrate my pulling on specific places and i started to notice that they were getting thinner. I began really hyper focusing. On the way that i was doing my hair and trying to cover up these thinner spots but i would spend nights after nights in my bed sitting and pulling and pulling until i had these huge clumps of hair on the ground and i would pick them up and actually would document them. I would take photos of them. And i had like a private folder on my phone where i had pictures of those and sometimes i would take pictures of the follicles themselves as that just thought they were really interesting and then i would take pictures of my scalp as well so i would try to keep up with how my bald spots or my thinning spots. Were looking on which ended up turning into this really bizarre way of being mad at myself for the lack of progress. That was happening. I also got really focused on wanting to pull full follicles out. So not having ones that kind of half of follicle on it or like a little bit of a follicle. I wanted the whole thing on there and that often ended up being a reason why it was hard for me to stop in those binges. I would want to stop on something. That was perfect. I wanted to like finish this binge on a hair that had the perfect follicle which ended up. Probably being an excuse for me to continue pulling because there's never going to be like this perfect feeling. I also want to bite the follicle itself off and try to bite it into as many pieces i could. I think it just felt like the bigger. The fall colin. The more pieces like a break into the better. That hair poll was this focus on the follicle itself also became a focus on. How big is it. And what does it feel like in my mouth so which is another way to get sensation. I start to have these bald spots that get bigger and they get bigger and they become so big that i can't deny any more that they're there and i talked to my mom about seeing if i could get a top piece. Something that could help me. Cover the top part of my head. So he went and saw a woman who works with cancer patients primarily. It's technically not a wig. But it was pretty much a wig. I never wanted people to know that. I was wearing a wig. In it was something. I became very fearful of that people would notice if embarrassing and shameful so i would spend probably forty five minutes to an hour every morning fixing the wig to make sure it looked as natural as possible one day i just came to school with a full head of hair because i was wearing this way hoping that nobody would notice but there is a boy in my class. Who asked me why. My hair looked different and i remember getting so red in the face and not knowing what to do and i remember. He tried to touch it. It scared me so bad that he was gonna find out that. I was wearing a wig which ended up turning into me feeling like i needed to take control of that narrative and so i began a blog where i wrote about how trick tillman mania played into my life and played into my relationship with god and i tried to like spin it in my mind as a blessing so i began trying to convince myself that i was given trick tila mania for a purpose i was declaring to the world that this problem was a gift that god gave me. I remember reading my bible one night and remember seeing this specific bursts had said to find joy in all circumstances and i felt like. That's exactly what i was supposed to do. The purpose i felt that trick played in my life was to glorify god through my ability to choose joy in a difficult circumstance into be able to kind of help others do the same even though i really had such a hard time believing that for myself somebody in the hallway. A math hallway came to the when i was a senior in told me. Hey i heard that you pull out your hair. 'cause you're going crazy or whatever to set that in front of a handful of people and i remember feeling really uncomfortable with that so i tried really hard to control this narrative that ended up. You know spreading in my small private christian school pretty quickly. I just felt like. I was lying to everybody by wearing this way and i felt really ugly without it on because i just felt like i was a failure to myself. Nfl easier to this idea. Of what. I wanted to be this beautiful longhaired petite woman that i just wasn't fitting that mold and this was just adding onto that. I remember sitting in the looking at my hair in the mirror and seeing these bald spots. There was just so hard to really fathom that i was in control of destroying my own hair and that was actually taken over by this condition monaro so just felt ugly because of that i relied so heavily on my boyfriend to make me feel beautiful and it wasn't his role to fill me up and i made him do that and it ended up kind of being the demise of our relationship in the end. I remember my mom telling me that. If i stopped pulling my hair she would buy a new computer and i think that she was just trying her best to help me by bribing me to stop. But then i felt like i let her down. Because i couldn't do it. It hurts me to know that she was hurting so bad as a mom i remembered one time making a list of things trick until mania had taken from me i read. That was the title of by journal. Entry and i came up with probably like thirty or forty things that i felt like i couldn't do anymore having a lot of fear during normal situations fear that somebody would notice because it was windy outside. I couldn't drive in a car with the windows down with my friends. Or i feel comfortable going to prom and all hanging out afterwards and then falling asleep i would never really go. Swimming and working with kids was kind of hard. His kids just tug it things. And so i was always scared that they would tug at my hair. Giving people hugs taking pictures with people in being in like an arm a group hug always was so nerve wracking for me. Today's episode is brought to you by rocket mortgage. When you're looking for a new home you want to make sure it meets your needs. Can you work in that office. Can your family cook together in that kitchen. You have to know. The house fits and with rocket mortgage. You can make sure your financing works for you to with rocket mortgage. You'll have the tools information expert help you need to understand all of your home loan options. The work at your pace on your schedule get started online at rocketmortgage dot com slash happening call for cost information and conditions. Equal housing lender licensed in all fifty states and m ls consumer access dot org number. Thirty thirty you don't wanna miss the new. Hbo original limited series mayor of east town. The show follows a respected small town. Pennsylvania detective investigating local murderer while attempting to balance her personal life which is rapidly crumbling around her exploring the dark side of a tight knit community. The gripping seven part drama examines how family and pass tragedies can define our present starring. Kate winslet julianne. Nicholson and jean. Smart stream maher of eastbound. Now on hbo max. When i was a senior and choosing where i want to go to college. I made the decision by myself that i was going to stop wearing wigs when i went to college because i felt like it was a cool way to just kind of jump into this new era of my life so i went and got my haircut by a professional and stopped wearing a wig that day so the beginning of my college experience was the first time i was wearing my hair as the short haircut. I also had a nose piercing and one tattoo and i felt very edgy. I thought that i was really breaking out of who i was if i was going to have. Short hair is really going to embrace it. But that's when. I really realized that short hair wasn't insecurity for me. I was still involved with church in college at that point as far as going to a college ministry every week and it felt like people were kind of their partners for life there and i just felt like my hair was holding me back from that. It felt really hard to to wrap my brain around the fact that it wasn't my choice. I remember a specific instance. Where i bought clippers because i was so frustrated that i shaved it as bald as i could and i just remember looking in the mirror. I felt very alone. 'cause it was me in the mirror and choosing to do these very monstrous things that i felt were life changing but nobody else was a part of but choosing to shave my head. Day was a choice to start fresh and every time i've taken clippers to my head and shaved it. I always feel like it's a fresh start. It's a positive thing now but it was very dark moment for me to look in the mirror in and the skin on the top of my head could be seen and it felt so weird. It always felt like there were two of me the me that didn't want to be doing this than the other me wanting those sensations living in that moment but the person who was pulling was stronger than the person who wanted a perfect life. My older sister probably my freshman year of college. I went and visited my older sister in knoxville. Where she lives and she took me to the church she was going to at the time and that church believes really heavily in healing and so i had like a handful of people at the church. Come in pecans on me and pray for healing and i cried and i thought that that meant that something had worked but i think i just cried because it made me so uncomfortable and then again i felt like i let her down and i like god down because it didn't help me during college. I had a lot of friendships with people who are not a part of the church and knew a lot of people who believed different things. A lot of my best friends in college were also gay or part of the queer community and growing up of course in the church. You're told that that's incorrect. I ended up just not really being a part of that community anymore. It kind of happened organically my beliefs just tailored so much more with the friends that i had outside of the church which ended up also expanding my idea of relationships and what is okay to do physically so after my high school boyfriend and i broke up. I ended up having some hub experiences and lost my virginity to some random person on the dating app that i never saw again. This ended up creating problems for me with physicality in my hair because it was hard to be involved with people physically and not worry. That bald spots were showing and it was hard for me to believe that a heterosexual man would be attracted to me. Because i had short hair which is funny to say out loud. Because i know that it's not true but it's still something that's hard for me not to believe. Sometimes that if i only had long hair may be at this point i would be married or i would have found the person that i wanted to be with but i had a boyfriend who dated me while i had a buzzed head and i. It's you know. I've been proven time and time again. That hair is a not as big of a deal. As i let it be but still i sit here and i am concerned for some people who have a body. Repetitive focus behavior like trick till mania. It has stemmed from traumatic and the body has chosen to use trek as a way to fight against those stressors but for me there wasn't a specific situation that caused stress. I think i just caused stress and anxiety to myself constantly and nothing has to happen for me to begin pulling these repetitive behaviors. As a huge part of of me. Even as a child you. I feel like i can see that now. Looking back with all of this body dismore via and i've always been focused on my body. It doesn't matter how you grow up. You can still just think that there's something wrong with you and that you're not reaching this potential that you should be reaching. I think it's just terrible body. Does morpheus in never thinking. That who i was was good enough. My older sister is still my role model and my best friend and she got married when she was twenty. Three and you know has a house and runs a business and it's such a fight. Because i want that but i so much enjoy knowing that the world is so much bigger and much more open and accepting than what i have told myself to believe and i don't have to rush to get to a specific part of life that my life is happening currently a really challenging part of trick for me has been understanding in coming to terms with the fact that i do this to myself but not blaming myself for it. It's an addiction where you're physically damaging your own body but it's still an addiction and it's still something that there's a part of me i can't blame myself for. I can work really hard to control the urges to pull that. I have but i will always urges to pull out my hair. I have joined a support group for people who have tricked and dot has absolutely been the most helpful thing for me to know. That trick till mania is a part of who i am. It's hard to come to terms with that. That's that's a condition that will have for the rest of my life but somebody in the support group that i'm a part of has pointed out that the urges to pull and pulling itself are different that the urges to pull will always be there but i'm able to work towards not polling die gives me more control and more power back into this situation than i thought that i had. I can be ready for for the seasons that it's harder and use the tools i have in my pocket and if i do pull to be gentle with myself and not to beat myself up about it because i know that if i do beat myself up about it it spirals into pulling more so trying to stop it where it starts with my family members who struggle with addiction. I can't understand this feeling of not being able to stop and feeling like there are two of you and that it's the cyclical pattern of trying so hard and failing and how many get back up and that your addiction is causing you to spiral farther into the addiction itself. It's also given me a lot of empathy for my family members who have relapsed. Because it happens. It's part of having an addiction. It's can always happen but that doesn't mean it's going to just it can always happen. I can't imagine not having trick just because of how much it's a part of my life and it's not that i focus on it negatively. I think it's just a really great identifier of how i'm doing internally if i have a lot more urges to pull it often means that. I'm a lot more stressed and that i need to do something about that stress to kind of this external reminder constantly of what's going on internally for me i used to write down on a piece of paper and put it like on my bedside table and different things put it on my mirror and it just said healing his four me believing that the healing from god was always for me that that was going to be a part of my life at some point but that always set me up for this like degree of because if i didn't find healing than what is i mean about my relationship with god and what does i mean about me as a person coming to terms with the possibility that i won't be healed from tricky till mania is relieving to a degree and also saddening but in the relieving way. It's just a relief. Because there's not a pressure on me to be better and i don't feel like my progress is measured by abstinence alone. I feel like my progress has so much to do with taking care of myself. Mentally physically emotionally and also spiritually to say that. Because i'm still pulling means that. I'm not healed is a disservice to all the work that i've done over the years of having tricked the work that i've done for my mental health. I think letting go of the concept that the numbers of days that i've been pulled free. The only way that i've being healed is is good to let that go and understanding why it is that i am pulling because the pulling itself isn't the problem really. It's a response at my body has to stress but to relieve the stress is really important and so digging down and figuring out why that stresses there is huge. It's so interesting that i used to get mad that i couldn't find joy in the circumstance of trick but i think at this point i do feel like trick has had to pull me into a place of finding joy in a circumstance. That is hard. If it wasn't for having trick. I went and understand that. I have these ideals of being a woman that aren't true of being feminine. That aren't actually true. That these molds that. I've created for myself. I don't have to try to fit them anymore. And that who. I am outside of my hair is enough. Today's episode featured caroline to learn more about tila mania. Go to be our. Fb dot org there. You can find additional information about trick and other body. Focused repetitive behaviors as well as support groups and helpful resources from wandry. You're listening to this is actually happening. If you love what we do please rate review the show. You can subscribe on apple. Podcasts spotify the wondering app or wherever. You're listening right now. You can also join wondering plus in the wondering apt. Listen ad free in the episode notes. You'll find some links offers from our sponsors by supporting them. You help us bring you our shows for free. I'm your host witnesses dine. Today's episode was co produced by me. Andrew weights with special thanks to this is actually happening team including ellen westberg the intro music features. The song ila by tipper. You can join the. This is actually happening community on the discussion group on facebook or it actually happening on instagram. On the show's website. This is actually happening dot com. You can find out. More about the podcast. Contact us with any questions. Submit your own story or visit the store where you can find. This is actually happening designs on stickers t shirts wall art hoodies and more. That's this is actually happening dot com and finally if you'd like to become an ongoing supporter of what we do go to patriotdepot dot com slash happening. Even to five dollars. A month goes a long way to support our vision. Thank you for listening. A woman named becky is lounging by the pool at the fontham blue hotel when she decides to proposition a strapping pool attendant to go on a date with her and her husband what begins as an unconventional proposition will soon throw them all into the international spotlight. And that's because the couple is none other than jerry falwell junior and his wife becky. Two of the most powerful figures in evangelical america. The team that brings you the hit wondering podcast. Even the rich presents in god. We lost a story of an alluring sex scandal. Power money and a very public fall from grace. When word of their affair fell into the wrong hands it led to political extortion and a public outing that brought jerry falwell jr junior's empire crashing down. Listen to in god. We lust on apple podcasts. Amazon music or you can listen to new episodes early and ed free by joining laundry. Plus in the one-day app wondering feel the story.

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Disabled Queer Disability Community with Annie Segarra

The Heumann

43:23 min | Last month

Disabled Queer Disability Community with Annie Segarra

"Welcome to the human perspective with internationally recognized bad ass disability activists. Judy humid this week. Judy is chatting with any cigar. Also known as any leaney who is a queer latte necks and disabled american youtuber artists an activist for lgbtq plus in disability rights any has shared so much of their life online from their journey to being diagnosed with ehlers. Dan lewis syndrome. After diagnosis mistreatment for medical professionals as well as their journey with body dismore via and self love as a queer disabled person through the art of storytelling any has cultivated an authentic online community. Were they share moments of heartache and moments of them dancing on a stool to show tunes. The human perspective is produced by me. But the hal and judy human be sure to rate review in subscribed the human perspective. So let's roll up. Lay down dance around. Get him snacks. Ready whatever makes you feel best and let's meet our guest today. Welcome back to the human perspective. And i am guess who judy human. I am really excited. Today we're talking about the anti cigar. And i had the opportunity to begin to get to know any last year. So anne What has drawn me to you is the expansiveness of who you are and for me One of the aspects. That i really value is your interest in telling stories. What made you begin many years ago. Like at least eleven or twelve You can correct me if it was longer to be pulled into telling your story and pulling other people's stories out when you find powerful bad storytelling my goodness well. I have to say that literally am glossy eyed and honored by way. You just said i. I'm so honored to to to share these conversations with you and just honored by like everything that you just said about me. Like i'm really really touched And i feel this way about you. I feel like you're such an incredible person. I can so myself third time just so honored to have these conversations with the fan club. Potential question the the age that i think i started focusing on storytelling. I was fifteen. And i'm thirty now. So about fifteen years. I've been like documenting things with in a video format on youtube and prior to that. I'm sure a lot of writing But yes storytelling has always been a my favorite way to communicate myself And to record things remember Which is something. That's very important to me I don't have the the best memory. So i constantly I'm looking to record observations. And my thoughts record the things that happen around me kind of like my own little historian i just wanna i just wanna keep things as much as i can even to the extent that like to this day i have a gratitude journal where every day i tried to do at least three bullet points of. I try to lean toward things that i feel grateful for that day. That happened that day as as smallest like oh today. I hung out with my mom in her bedroom. We watched harry potter marathon. And i do that with the idea in mind that like years later i can like look through this journal and like those little memories will bring joy back into into my day and so aside from the very beneficial mental health aspect and and being able to recall things that i've experienced back to storytelling as a form of communication and being able to share in these experiences with people who share similar experiences with me and the so that would be mostly mike communities of people who share in community centered experiences that would be the lgbt community the latino community in the disability community and these are part of like very core identities. We could extend that even further to like eater community. These early courts like my identity. Things that are never going to change about me so i i do try to like story. Tell in a way that creates sort of solidarity with my community. And this i feel like being able to do that. Being able to share similar experiences a its representations so it allows people to kind of exhale when they can when they can see themselves in someone else's experiences like ha. I'm not so isolated in what i experienced. This is experienced. That is common in my community. And that's something that is really a source of comfort and then there's an aside from representation and reliability than have be which is The ability to kind of create. This sort of mentor minty relationship with other people. Not that i consider myself a mentor. Mesler 'cause i'm still. I'm constantly learning but there are things that we can learn from one another. I find that whenever. I share things about my experiences. A lot of people will respond to it with. I never considered that. That was an option for me. An example i can think of off. The top of my head is back. When i first started using a wheelchair was using very cheap light hospital style manual wheelchair. Yeah like the the not custom one like the standard manual wheelchair and the way they have those is your foot rests are separated so everytime you sit down on the wheelchair it feels like you're at a gynecology appointment very unflattering So my solution to that was to remove the aggress and put some kind of scarf On the bottom it created this foot hammock. So i could like rests might you feet and and also stint and also like swing my feet in this little foot hammock on on the manorial chair and so many people were looking for solutions to that exact experience which again is like. It's not something that happens. Outside of disability community is just people who are who are using manual wheelchairs Who haven't been able to get the privilege yet to get themselves accustomed wheelchair and are looking for some form of comfort and that was not only comfort but also a playful aesthetic. Because you get whatever kind of pattern on on the on the foot hammock too so things like that people do mentor. each other in the non disability community believe that one of the issues is we haven't necessarily been exposed enough to each other and because we have so many different types of disabilities zoe income together as disability communities culture. But when it gets down to certain specific issues like what to do about your foot pedals for example then. Israeli narrower audience that you're going to be looking for and i was talking with a person younger person today and realizing that one of the issues for many younger people in particular but also others who are acquiring their disabilities later in life that there is this absence of people knowing people that they can just talk to and just become friends with and and say oh you know this is schramm dealing with and get ideas from them back and forth so seems to me that we're always mansury each other. Yeah and liked experience. I think can allow people to have more experiences to discuss. Yes so for me. Storytelling is very personnel. And you have in your storytelling one that you write things down in a book. So they're just yours but then you also have done talking in schools for example around this for you and i'm wondering And you started doing that earlier. How did why did you find that an important subject to discuss. And how did you raise it With was the what was the age group that you started talking with. Why is it important to you. And how do you feel. It was beneficial passively to you as well as to the people you were talking to We'll dirt smart via Which which shorten for like body just norfolk disorder. Which is what. I experienced in the past tense and still presently like it's always you know. A potential trigger in the back of my brain is something that was intertwined with eating disorder. That i experienced a lot of my life and i would say the dismore fiat that i experienced probably started between the ages of ten and twelve and continued and it was a trauma response to a abuse that i experienced as a child and made way through college. I hit hanover. Rock bottom with my mental health and to the extent that i had to leave my college program to focus on my mental health and i went through eating disorder recovery and treatment for self treatment. Because i didn't have the economic privilege to like go to therapy. But i had to like diligently work on myself and self treat for smart via and at some point i think probably a when i was twenty years old I hit of really beautiful. Euphoric place with mental health. Are i have a very vivid memory of waking up one day And looking in the mirror and just kind of being able to x. hale and just be an odd just be allowed at would the realization of where my brain was at that moment a i looked in the mirror and said well. I don't hate myself today. And in that realization i just i just became really four and i wanted so badly to share that with people not i say. Share that with people. I don't mean that in some kind of self serving way. I wanted to share that with people in the fashion of this is possible and i had an immense and i still do have immense empathy for people who are experiencing similar mental health issues. Especially because i was not aware that it was a mental health issue in the first place. I think a lot of people experience intrusive thoughts especially when it comes to things like eating disorders And they do not question them in their minds just like as it was for me it it was just the brain telling us facts. Intrusive thoughts like you. If you didn't exist in this space things would be better off in another dark things like that. They went unquestioned. Until i just had immense empathy for people who dealt with intrusive thoughts like that and never questioned them until that started. That started my efforts into talking about body image online. Because i wanted people to start questioning them because i wanted better for people i wanted. I wanted people to understand that. Intrusive thoughts are intrusive thoughts. Not facts and that there was hope for them to not be in as such a dark place anymore. So from from there i started. I started My old blog called. Stop hitting your body where people could submit their stories and share where they were on their body image journeys and a lot of them were success stories as well like i i worked on my mental health and ny feels so much better about myself and some people were in the midst of their journeys and from there. I started getting invited to talk to college. Students abou it was very specific. It was telling my story about being a child with dismore via and what those intrusive thoughts were leg. And and what was the moment that i started questioning those intrusive thoughts and my process as to how i started to overcome that and better mental health. And you're a great role model for others. I'm sure because it sounds to me like the discussions you were having were enabling people to really learn about some of these issues in a nitty-gritty way and you weren't asking people to share their story but if it was something they wanted to talk about either in the group or privately i presume that you you're giving people permission and also validation. Yeah i think that like myself. People want the opportunity to be able to share their stories. I think people often wanted to share their stories. Like i said they're they're such a catholicism of sharing these parts of yourself especially in hopes that your story is going to plant the seed for people. I think that a lot of people tell their stories again. Not as a self serving thing. People want to share their stories because they hope that their story is going to help somebody else. And you have many different disabilities. And i think they've maybe uncovered themselves slowly. They didn't just do. I'll come at the same time. And so maybe speak a little bit more about important aspects of other parts of the disabilities you have and how you pull it together because at the end of the day you present yourself as you and the various disabilities are part of you. How have you been able to meld that together. Over time is a deep hill. There is so much to process it in these times. Like when you when you said that a multifaceted person. The thing that happened was painful in my body when slake yeah i wish society could see that instead of especially especially when when disability is such a big part of the dialogue that i participated online. There's like this. Like one dimensional image that is created so the title that i fall under is just like disability advocate and and sometimes they can feel very one dimensional. I never ever you as one dimensional. I was watching a youtube. That you did with low and i loved it and i loved it because it was so engaging and natural and spontaneous and i was they were talking about issues of being able to walk and use wheelchairs. And i don't walk. I just use it wheelchair. But why don't you talk a little bit more about that. Because they think what. I related to in that part of the discussion was people wanting to give you suggestions about things like don't become dependent on the wheelchair. Yeah i think you've got gotta start from the very beginning. Which is why people have such difficulty. Digesting processing bad ambulatory wheelchair users exist ambulatory wheelchair users being wheelchair users who are able to emulate to walk or stander or a number of saying that. You don't miss a lot of people don't assume are able to do Including run or dancer jumper anything eligible. -ssume that if one uses a wheelchair equates to immobile 'cause even like I used to say equals paralyzed but even paralyze has a fluidity to it. It's not it's not completely immobile but people believe that wheelchair equates to your legs cannot move and you cannot move and anything outside of that gets accused of faking and that is a antagonism section that experienced and it's very comment and harassment that ambulatory wilshire users experience and it can it can escalate to violence as well l. south thank. It really means that people don't trust. Don't trust us so the ability to walk sometimes short distances long distances debatable. To lift something up not be able to lift something up depending on the angle that you're able to do things there's so many variables and a lot of times people are like in your face like if you can do that. Well that means you can do this. And why are you asking me for this. When i saw you do that. And it's very It's harassment and painful. Yes and it's a very weird conversation to have because You you said. They don't trust us as disabled people but in their minds. they're like so you're not disabled. You are faking being ability so so in their minds. It's not going to clerk that. They are not trusting of disabled people. They're just saying you not disabled you a liar. You're a faker So it it is a really weird conversation to have because again it kind of like the root of it is a huge representation issue. Where like every time you see in a movie or a very specifically in a vela Where a wheelchair user gets out of their wheelchair. It's met with them. This big dramatic fanfare like done on. They were faking the whole time. Oh my god this is the disabled villain or the quasi disabled villain but we never get to see almost never. There's like a couple of a little occasions where and by little in quantity and sometimes just like small moments in media. Where we do get to see ambulatory wilt user but that's so rare and some people if you ask them they'll say they've never seen it before in their lives. So that's that's really tough at this. I talk about it a lot. Because it's part of my daily experienced being afraid of harassment for something like that like every time because i i need to walk around my house. Okay because if i ever if ever the a big part of the reason i use it. Wheelchair is pain. I cannot handle being up on my feet for long periods of time. So i will. I will walk around my home a couple of minutes at a time. Even so even like if i am walking home. There's a lot of like leaning that. I'm doing or i'll lift my leg up and rest my knee on a chair or on a bed or whatever like i'll be doing a lot of discrete things to alleviate the pressure off my legs And then if my legs cannot handle being up anymore. I'm in my home so there will be somewhere that i can sit down nearby. I can even be my backyard for for a little bit and people don't understand the little details that go into our disabilities like my backyard is okay because i'm familiar with the ground. I'm familiar with like where the holes are where the hills are I know where everything is. So i can care for my body in that space but asking me to go to a random grassy patch. Okay i'm gonna lose my ankle in some random hole. I'm gonna lose my ankle or my knee and some random held that i did not realize was there So familiarity is a big part of accessibility for me as well as having a Throw of places to sit and to circle back to what i was saying about my daily experience with fear as an ambulatory wilshire user is even though i can walk in small spaces like my home or my small backyard. I have to use a wheelchair to walk my dog every day. And sometimes like if i have to pick up some business and it's like down a hill and a grassy area. I'm like loops. i may have to get up out of my chair to go get it. Every time i even consider getting out of my wheelchair in public terrified terrified that some neighbor who only knows me as the person who uses a wheelchair to walk their dog from outside their window can witness me get out of my wheelchair and then it becomes some kind of neighborhood scandal that There's some kind of faker person who who uses a wheelchair to walk. Their dog mean we think about it as a scandal. it could likely be. That could also be oh. I didn't know that you know any could walk in us will also so it might be non-judgmental but i completely agree with you at the various optimistic about that in the first place you go because so many people are like that is to think that people are thinking something negative that. You're a faker. Well history history has told me his told me that like that like That the firsthand people will think is faker Or something is just some just not yet. Scammer probably taking disability for money. Whatever yes so much money. The people have so much money. You hashtag sarcasm. No one brings you joy what brings me joy. Lordy that is Existential question right now. Especially after well. We've been discussing. So i can think of things that bring me comfort to an scale to joy like we have like a comfort to joyce scale and so these things bring me a feeling that is on the spectrum on the linear spectrum of light comfort to joy and those would be Some of my special interests lanc eater and musical places in estonia and accessibility like disneyworld. My dog We have my dog. And he's like a bully. Medics pit bull. Mix dog us earnings bailey. And she likes cinderella disney. Cinderella sings along Cinderella music that the only thing she sings along too. So maybe she's reincarnation of that voice actress a the only thing she sings. Those are my leg. Sheerly lake selfish indulgent joys and comforts is is things like bodice and oh yet. Creativity are in general. I was thinking of lake. This van gogh exhibit that experience. Which is like projections of van. Gogh's art with like this very like soothing. Almost meditation style music playing in the background. So these projections made you feel like you. Were inside the art work with the slippery soothing music and i was like this is my sensory. A heaven nightclub dislike. Sit here all day. So gorgeous calming sensory. Stimulus also makes me very happy. This is pride months. And i'm wondering. Have you been involved in any activities In the middle of pride montag i. i don't know i. I'm i'm proud everyday. That's very internal pride experienced. A really felt good abou bringing up the dialogue about marriage equality earlier this month. I've created a post about lake. We celebrate our marriage equality in the us but the conversation needs to expand to what the phrase marriage equality fails to include. which is the abled community. And how they're we don't really have marriage equality as of yet. And that was those if any conversation because somebody accused of derailing the pride conversation said you don't think lgbt disabled people you know like there's two problems with an accusation of derailing. Which is a. I am a gay disabled person. So i'm part of both these dialogues into we're talking about a phrase that gets thrown around which marriage equality and an acknowledgement that. It doesn't actually exist yet. So disabled community is part of this conversation. There is no derailing has occurred but that's a common opinion and and response to whenever we want to talk about intersections like being. Lgbt and disabled same time is that who said we're talking about disabled people. We're talking about algae t people Maybe give us this as an example. But also broaden the question matt is. Have you seen more progress. More people understanding that you can be from the lgbtq community and also have disability. No i would say in a general way. I feel that way. I can only speak to really my personal circles. My personal circles are filled a ball at that intersection people who are eligibility and disabled at the same time that that is like almost my entire social circle We somehow found each other very luckily but it shouldn't be that uncommon to say. I always feel like a lot of people really isolate and tried to have minority is. I just made up a word that community make a smaller community than it is. Because i think don't hold me on it but i believe. Cdc said that one third of people who identifies ultra bless are also disabled. That's one third asselot lease at least at least exactly at least because there's definitely people who are diagnosed. Don't even the identify as disabled as of yet. Because that's that's that's a whole nother. Conversation is about the identity of being disabled taking that. On what a what a what a conversation that is. Because i am a process. I've been disabled my whole life but didn't really have language for it didn't have diagnosis. Did it did didn't understand that. My physical experiences. My neurological experiences were not quote unquote normal. So i just try to survive and the best ways that i knew how it a good example of that is like pain is that i wasn chronic pain a so much of my life. The biggest pain flare. I can recall at my youngest was aged thirteen. I would literally throw myself onto the floor trying to. I don't know ally my spine because my back will be in so much pain. I felt like something was out of place which is probably some kind of subway station and by instinct. I was like let me try to slam my back into the floor and try to fix my joints just by instinct so so these are disabled experiences. But without a name and so it wasn't until like i think maybe when i was twenty four and i was having a conversation about how like i was exhibiting so much chronic pain that i was no longer able to stand up for more than a minute or so and in order to like advocate for myself medical spaces i had to try to clarify. This is not an he will body experience to to not be able to stand up for a minute or so a friend of mine in that self advocacy confronted me with the phrase but anne. You're not able body. And that was kind of shocking to here. So and from that moment it was. Wow it was just kind of an eye-opener or earn weakening of link. Oh i've been identifying with the wrong group this whole time and So that's what i mean by life just kinda discovery the language Because i was undiagnosed at the time so it doesn't take a diagnosis to identify with disabled. But it there is for so many people if they're never given the language for it right It's it's hard to come across it yourself. I think maybe another issue is when you have multiple disabilities like you and others. Do you kinda fit into many different categories And thank you. Very clearly stated that disabilities is very important to you. That is a large part of your identity and all of the different types of disabilities. You have impact you in a different way but your public persona is partly. I am proud disabled person. And that you really because if you your exquisite way a being able to story jau i think that's really also very important so you can help other people think of that who they are and i think being able to tell your story to yourself is the first thing that you need to be able to do not only to share with others but also when trying to get diagnosis or treatment or whatever it may be you need to feel centered in your body that you know what you're talking about we know we're talking about and then i think we can determine whether or not the people were interacting with take seriously and are willing to listen and everybody everybody's different now i would like you because coming towards the end of this discussion to talk about what your vision is the future. What you for yourself and others you believe we need to be doing to continue to open up dialogue across many different communities both to strengthen who we are in our movement but then also to really develop closer with others i think fear fear becoming us Let's so heavy. Yeah and that's part of the emotional laborer that exists for me every day as a person then story tells about these things on the internet and like share so much of themselves on the internet. It's rough. I've been thinking about that a lot event thinking about you know what is aside from what we've talked about where my intentions have been to share things from a cathartic place as well as as place of service where i can create solidarity with my community representation from my community and offer some kind of mentorship from the things i have learned whether From other tables folks. Like when i started talking more about like internet accessibility or from my own experiences like the foot hammock gone on my manual wheelchair. So there's a big big part of that that's you know it comes from a place of service for my community. There's also a part of that. Work that i feel kind of tragic about. Its that attempts to humanize disabled community and in myself which is something that is very like emotionally heavy to like kind of like take a step back and look at my work and my presence online and think sometimes it feels like i'm figured if lee begging people outside of my community to consider me as a as a as a part as a part of society and to humanize me instead of ac- me as like a one dimensional check box in in regards to diversity so i might my vision for in the long term and just thinking like for the world which is wishes lot that you clarify for yourself and for the masses because which one when you first asked for me for the whole of humanity and for the whole of humanity i. I hope that the disabled folks like myself tone have to feel that way. Don't have to exist in. don't have to live in an existence where we feel like. We're figuratively begging for consideration down. You really feel now. I'm talking about you personally. Maybe i'm wrong but my sense is that you have enough strength within yourself that you really not begging anymore. I think what you really what you really staying for me and tear it. Apart is a wanna be accepted for who you are. You want people to not look at. You enable you in characterized you in a way that you're not but i do feel that you can come back against people who are doing that and that you feel that you're stronger than you were ten years ago or my all wenham I mean absolutely in a lot of ways yeah. I'm not that it's not painful. Yeah that's that's the the nuance of it and the multiple layers of it. I think is that like you know strength. Is it mean pain. Free absolute so so end. Sometimes that pain gets to resolve sting place. And i think it was actually talking about this in therapy sturday good takeaway where i was talking about the exhaustion of that of the like constant emotional labor that i feel like the examples that i said earlier on about like people neglecting disabled community. Kazaa lite Noticeable people right. now we're talking about lgbt plus people right now. I'm like excuse me yes. We're we're part of that community and so the like the eraser like that. Yeah it's painful agree. I can be strongest. Hack and i can. I can bounce back. But ouch like the the repeated erasures really painful and the the erasure the mocking there so much antagonize ation happens on the internet. That like that's where i've been like this doesn't make me happy. It does not make me happy to come on the internet every day. An emotionally brace myself for the masses of antagonism. That i'm going to experience this. Just kind of intersects with lake The collective trauma of the pandemic and how this this is what i realized in my last session. So it it's a it's a good takeaway. i wanna share it. Because in case anybody else feels similarly. That kind of thing is going to be exhausting. Period like pandemic no pandemic. It's exhausting to come into a space constantly feel antagonized however we were and still are in a collective trauma and due to our circumstances and are the current systems that we exist in have been forced to kind of continue to perform like marionettes with zero control of our strength continued to perform. Like everything is ok. Not i feel a hundred percent on that it's not like i've ignored the pandemic or anything but it's still something that we have not completely processed and if you can't process it can't heal it down boko you're like it's just trauma exists inside your body so to like exist through trauma not able to process it and in the midst of that be doing on a daily basis some activity where you feel antagonized over and over again. It's leading to burn out so that that's the kind of like name i figured out for what's happening with me emotionally in regards to advocacy in storytelling online. I'm like this is so vulnerable. And mike and i'm still not. We talked about strength. I know i have strength. I know that. I can experience these things and come back but there is a sense of burn out. There is a sense of like really. You're really wearing down the muscles. That i had you know and i think sometimes i don't i don't do as much as you do on social media just like i've chosen to watch less of the news or to get my news in different ways tickly since the pandemic and But i completely understand the issue of burn out and also the fatigue and the pain from hearing people say the same things over and over again and realizing that there isn't a quick fix to get people to see us as we see ourselves. Which is why. I think working with other disabled individuals and other like minded people so very important But i wanna thank you very much for sharing your time with us and sharing who you are and we have a van going. Touched part of the service who you are. But it's very clear that people do need to be looking you looking at you and your work in social media and learning from you so thank you so much and don't burn app here. We're trying to prevent that. We're trying to to do our best with self care and and watch out for mental health and that's All air can really ask other people as well. I i wanna. I wanna share. That is like part of my experience is is for other people to kind of like check in with themselves and see where they're at and if they feel happy and safe with what they're doing and if action is possible to change that what what can be done and other than that. I just hope that one day things will be a lot more peaceful. And i'm glad that we have these conversations. Hopefully they're part of the machine. It's a it's a cog in the machine to to make that happen so i'm really grateful that we had this conversation today. Thank you and thank you all for joining and we'll give you some length. Few haven't followed annie's work you can and you'll get a lot of joy and laughter and earnestness by listening to her. Thank you for tuning into the human perspective with judy human. This week our guest was anne cigar. Be sure to follow any on instagram. Twitter youtube in tiktok at any laney the interim music fruit human perspective is dragon which is produced and performed by lachey yawn turtle in what in the ultra music. It's i wait by gaylon. Please be sure to rate Subscribe to the human perspective in. Follow judy on twitter. At judith. human and on instagram and facebook at the he would perspective.

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Episode 260: Loss of Appetite with Anxiety & Battling with a Negative Body Image

The Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Duff the Psych

40:00 min | 3 weeks ago

Episode 260: Loss of Appetite with Anxiety & Battling with a Negative Body Image

"You know. I love that on my feet. If i pull out my phone flip open instagram or something like that. I can find people of all sorts of different shapes sizes colors people with scars or speckled. Skin stretch marks people with limb differences all sorts of different types of people and without fail. The coolest part is that there's always people underneath in the comments talking about how awesome and beautiful they are. Hey everybody before we start the show. I want to make a couple of disclaimers. This show does cover a wide variety of topics related to mental health in life. In general and some of those could be sensitive for you. I want to simultaneously encourage you to be brave and consuming difficult content but also respect and recognize your limitations. So please use your best judgment. I will never be offended if you need to skip a question or an episode entirely but feel free to feel it out. Check out the episode and just see what happens if you need to skip. That's okay but you know. Feel free to give it a shot. I i also need to say that. While i am a psychologist. I'm not your psychologist. And i'm not your therapist. This is not intended to be direct medical advice. And you should not use this as a substitute for professional help. So with those said let's go ahead and get into the show ran. Hello friends of all varieties. This is the hardcore help. Help podcast episode to sixty. I'm your host. Dr robert duff aka duff the psych i make mental health content if a real people just like you and today i have a question and answer to really really good questions here not too much say before that i hope he gets her treating yourselves well. It's been a good productive week but man. I'm getting damn tired this week. It's been a health week kind of both. You know my eldest son. Remmy just got back into school. He's doing a summer school program before he starts kindergarten. Can you believe it. But that means that we've been getting up earlier getting to school on time and things shipped around the schedule. Which is made me have a little bit more free time for free time but time for work and productivity. But it's also meant that. I've gotten a lot done this weekend. I'm tired so if you hear that in my voice that's that's what you're hearing. Everything's good fairly happy decent week. But i'm just burnt out like tomorrow's friday so i'm looking forward to that quite a bit. You'll be listening to this on friday if you listened to it right away. I have waited to the very last minute to record this episode. I usually try to do it earlier in the week but it is thursday almost nine pm. Kids have finally down to here. I am recording this. Yeah why don't we just go ahead and get into it like i said i got two questions. If you want to send me a question for the podcast please. Email it to me. Does this i. g m dot com dot. Lots of good questions recently. If you sent one in i've seen it i've categorized it even. If i haven't responded i do have your question so i'll definitely consider it for future episode and yeah let's get into it. Here's the first question all right so question. One reads hi robert. I love the showing your books. I've been going through episode of severe anxiety. Which has happened several times in my life. I've learned ways to cope and improve your podcast. About healthy habits for anxiety is a big part of that awesome but one thing. I still struggle with these days is eating or sorry. During these periods is eating my stomach turns into a not. My appetite goes to zero. I know that. If i could get better nutrition i would feel better but i just can't force myself to eat. I often lose weight rapidly during these periods. Which i don't want is this common. I hear more about stress eating any advice or tips. Thank you so much so yeah good question. Thank you definitely a tough one and it is a real thing. I think a lot of people don't realize that like you mentioned unless they experienced it. Which many people do. I'm sure there's a lot of you who have been through this But yes it is very common for anxiety periods of high anxiety or even just in people who have severe chronic generalized anxiety to have very little appetite in. This could also go for periods of high stress. Even if you don't have clinical anxiety but you're going through a lot for instance if you're going through a break-up or grief or something like that it's very common to have very little appetite and weight. Loss can certainly happened during that time. So yeah definitely a real thing. And i appreciate you sending in this question so we can address it here personally. I've had some experience with this. I don't have chronic anxiety all the time. I'm no stranger to the feeling. I can have a stronger periods of anxiety at times and certainly can remember periods of my life like when going through a break-up or when i was doing comprehensive exams in graduate school where yeah i totally lost a bunch of weight. I can remember being like i lost five pounds a week or something like that just because i had no appetite not trying to lose weight not working out not watching what. I'm eating exactly but just no appetite. Whether i'm eating nothing we're eating less. The weight comes off. And so i've. I've certainly experienced that and it is frustrating. Especially if you're worried about your nutrition. You're not trying to lose weight all of that stuff for one. I definitely think they should talk to your doctors about this. If you haven't. That's kind of the overall caveat. I'm not a medical doctor. I'll probably remind you that again but you also might wanna talk to your doctor about options for this because there are other things that can cause you to have no appetite which they may have identified ways to deal with right so for instance cancer patients people who are going through. Chemotherapy often have very hard time with appetite. And so among other things using cbd products or thc products so you know marijuana derivative products whether that's you know regular thc gumy's or like pills that have been derived from it again. Talk to your doctor. There are options out there. And if it's legal in your state. Obviously you can export that on your own as an adult. All of but those types of products sometimes are very helpful in stimulating appetite. Obviously need to watch out when you're have other demands on you. If you operate a crane for work. I would say maybe. Avoid this or if you're an athlete you know that's going right now. Maybe avoid this but if it's an option it's an option and there's nothing wrong with that again. There may be other ways as well. I don't know a whole lot about the different medical options. That are out there for appetite stimulation and helping with that. But i do know that was one of them and they're also may be ways that your doctor may know to supplement. And make sure that you're getting adequate nutrition. Despite having a hard time eating you know even if you're not eating a lot of a lot of food you can maybe get the most bang for your buck and maybe you can supplement and some sort of way so you're not worried about just having no energy wasting away all of that you know even though you can't eat a whole lot so beyond those things i think that a little bit of acceptance is necessary and a little bit of adjustment is necessary during this period of time. You know you've been through it before and you recognize that you may not be able to eat the way that you normally would and while we would obviously prefer for you to be able to eat enough to not lose weight when you don't want to all of that it is okay that this is happening as long as you're not getting too extreme point you don't need to beat yourself up over this and there are ways that you can compensate and just because you have to compensate because you have to change your behaviors away. The there's nothing wrong with that. It is okay. Even if it's not maybe preferable one thing that you can do is it might be worth it to start working on a little list of foods that are easiest for you to stomach because sometimes with the appetite comes you had mentioned even in your question that you just can't force yourself to eat so for a lot of people that may be the case but there may be certain foods that are easier for you to stomach for me. If i have a piece of toasted peanut butter on it in the morning. I can always eat that. Basically even if nothing else sounds good there may be times when like other foods but those same food sound absolutely disgusting. When i just don't have an appetite but something like a toasted peanut butter on it. That will basically always go over okay for you. It may be different. So i think it would be worth it for you to start working on a little bit of a list. So listing what foods are easiest for you to eat. Easiest free to stomach. They don't make you feel terrible. They don't sound disgusting to you things that you don't have an aversion to when you have this anxious stomach going on you might find the the thought of a greasy burger appetizing but carrots and hummus or sushi or something like that maybe sounds great. You know when my wife was pregnant she heard sort of appetite. And food preferences really changed. She had a lot of morning sickness. And i remember for her heavy things like like a burger or eggs or things that were very protein heavy and maybe greasy and stuff like that sounded really gross to her and make her feel like throwing up so she was really really into fresh stuff during that time salads. You know like. I said like carrots and hamas or crackers even things that are just like crisp fresh often cold. That was very much easier for her to eat. Even if it wasn't perfect it was better than the other stuff. So figure out that you know in what you're able to identify some of those foods for yourself. Make sure you have them on hand. You're going to want to make sure that you have the opportunity to go. Get some stock up on them. Absolutely nothing wrong with that and be opportunistic about your eating. It's fine if you're not always able to eat a full breakfast lunch and dinner. You can still make an attempt and if you want to set aside those times to sit down at the table for those meal periods whether it's for yourself or with your family if you have one that's okay but don't get down on yourself when you can't eat very much. It's all right. It's okay if you just take a few bites gathers doesn't sound good. It's okay if you start eating and you need to step out of the room because the smell is getting you or just you know. You don't wanna be around that much food right now that's okay and instead in addition to giving it a shot if you want to allow yourself to snack whenever you can or whenever it sounds good especially when you have maybe less anxious times know if you think about your day and sort of the trend of your anxiety might be more intense during the morning and then later in the morning. It's comes down a little bit. Towards the evening it peaks a little bit goes down and then peeks before bed whatever you have your own sort of pattern but if you can identify that maybe during times you can be a little bit more picky and you can try some of the things that you think would be better for you or things that you've been missing out on but then when you are anxious just remembered calories are calories your body needs fuel and you're going to give it some sort of fuel some sort of way in the method of that doesn't matter as much during these times. It's not like you're gonna eat this way forever so don't be down on yourself for not having a perfectly balanced diet or eating specific sort of thing. Just get some calories in in snack whenever you can. This would also be a good property to have things with you. I'm not sure if you're working in an office or if you're at home if you're on the go whatever the case may be think about your environment think about the demands that are on you and try to set it up so that you have these snacks readily available to you if the inspiration strikes or if you have a moment to snack and you think you can you just need some sort of fuel so i encourage you to go with the flow as i said earlier you can always stop them and if you need to right so if you feel like you're not getting enough adequate nutrition you can supplement with vitamins or protein supplement or something. If that's something that you need to fortify your diet with even if that's temporary right just adjust for this period of time. Because it's something that's not going to last forever and you don't need to beat up on yourself and torture yourself. Unnecessarily there are a lot of different types of nutrition shakes out there especially right now like now more than ever between actually going into physical stores and all the different brands that are online. There are tons of different nutrition shakes and meal replacement shakes. You're going to have to do a little bit of trial and error if you if you want to dive into this. There's a wide variety so some might say well with you Some might taste disgusting. But if you can find one that does sit well with you or even taste good and gives you that minimal nutrition. You need that would be a great kind of back pocket strategy to have. Maybe you try to eat otherwise you know other things throughout the day but if it comes down to it you know you can have a shake and you know that you're at least getting that minimal nutrition that you need variety as well. I think that variety can also be your friend here. I know that a lot of people have a hard time eating a lot of one thing so when it comes to appetite and kind of being the stomach food sometimes having just one thing like a steak or big bowl of pasta or you know plate of eggs or something it may be difficult just because there's no variety in texture and taste in temperature all of that and so it can be very difficult to kind of choke that down but these same people do a little bit better when they have a plateful of many things so maybe changing her frame right now during this period of time rather than thinking of like full plated meal. Think about like a snack plate. I'm imagining like an apple. Some cheese a couple pieces of salami. Some crackers babycare hits sore bell peppers or something like that. This is an arbitrary example. But that idea right someone in your situation might have an easier time. Snacking from different things. On a plate different tastes different textures rather than just trying to plow through that plate of one single food. I'm not exactly sure why that works. But for a lot of people that does and in it's less maddening and it's less sad to have that you also don't feel like you're wasting a bunch of food because you can put little bits on plate rather than having a full plate of something that you feel like you wasted. So that's that's one thing to consider as well just a few different ways that you can adjust your situation and kind of go with the flow rather than just trying to fight back directly. This next tip is probably a little bit obvious but consider your overall anxiety level as well you know. We talked about sorta anxiety trend curve throughout the day. So if you can identify times that are calmer and less anxiety provoking. That might be a time to catch up on some eating the anxiety. Appetite link is a little complicated but at the very least one. Part of it is really due to that Nervous system reaction sort of the the fighter flight reaction. That happens in this part of your nervous system the sympathetic nervous system. It causes your body to prepare for action which in turn slows down things that are kind of non essential during emergency situations right. So if you think about it. Suppressing appetite is useful during an emergency situation. Because who has time to be hungry when you're running for your life from some predator or trying to escape a burning building or something like that you're not gonna be like. Oh my stomach's rumbling. We'd better stop have a snack. No you're going to slow down digestion. And you're going to suppress appetite. You're going to slow down these things that aren't necessarily for that moment and we know anxiety is very much a fighter flight response. That's prompted by your own thoughts. And so it's kinda understandable why you might not have an appetite. During these periods of chronic stress and chronic anxiety. So there's a chance maybe you can look out for those calmer moments in your day to eat and you could also make a point to slow down for meals. Make sure you have adequate time. Don't feel like you need to choke stuff down as fast as you can in it. That's the case that you don't have a lot of time to eat that because kids were lunch. Break at work. What have see what you can do about that. Maybe you can get a little bit of an accommodation there. Maybe you can change your circumstances a little bit so that you do have time and you could sit and be a little bit more mindful with your eating take smaller bites. Don't rush yourself. Don't feel like you have a window that you need to shove everything into just slow down and you can make a point to really try to enjoy the little bits of food that you do have. There are a lot of different exercises and writings online about mindful eating which you could look into. That might be a good starting point for you to do that. Slowing down process in focus on elements other than your appetite. While you're eating you may even do a little bit of a relaxation exercise beforehand. Trying to remove the the stressful feelings that come along with eating because not only do you have anxiety. Which is suppressing appetite. At this point you may also have kind of negative association to eating so in the up to eating. You're like oh god here it goes again. I'm not going to be able to eat watch. I'm gonna make this whole meal. And i'm going to sit down and it's not gonna sound good at all so if you can work to sort of undo that length. That might be helpful again. Waiting for calmer moment doing a little bit of a breathing exercise doing something calming beforehand. Not putting a lot of pressure on yourself to to make sure that you eat and then taking it slow enjoying the process no matter how much or how little you eat and trying to make it a low pressure sort of thing and if this works trying to be too hard on yourself you know. It's a tough thing to cope with. But for the most part you're still going to be okay and you know asterix there sometimes. There are exceptions. But for the most part your body's not just going to self destruct and let you starve yourself there's a pretty wide wiggle room at least in the temporary sense when it comes to the way you're eating how much you're eating things like that And so your body really does want to keep itself going at its core. But it's having difficulty with the appetite at a certain point. Hopefully you will be able to eat. And you'll kind of recover from this but a little bit of acceptance goes a long way is recognizing all right. This is one of those periods. This is one of those times. When i'm not going to be able to eat as much probably i'm gonna have to change. They'll be eat. That's okay it's not going to be this way forever and instead of thinking to yourself like god. Why can't i eat anymore. Wise is the way things are now. Maybe try shifting that freeman thinking a little bit more temporarily thinking like I guess i'm not very hungry at this moment. I'll try again soon right so it's not like you should be able to eat and you can't therefore you've failed. It's more like in this moment. You don't have an appetite. You might have an appetite leader. So you'll try again at that point and at that point the same sort of thing will apply right so instead of getting so worried about the fact the eaten anything recognized. This is a part of it and you can hope that you'll be hungry soon and trying to increase the stress that you link to the process of eating so that's one thing that you could do as well your body will try to do it any stevie catch up and in most cases. You're not going to make yourself totally ill or totally frail and in all messed up from this but obviously as i said before. I'm not a medical doctor not giving you medical advice. Please talk to your doctor about this as well and of course make sure there isn't something else. Some other significant reason to be concerned. You know it is a problem sometimes when you are kind of told over and over again at the doctor for instance or by people that oh it's just things i eighty which is hearing society and then you end up missing something that is actually going on so if you have like an ulcer or something. There's there's a diverticulitis going on any of these things there's some medical issue that's actually causing your appetite. Suppression a hormone issue for instance. And just because you've had anxiety and other things have been attributed to that you overlook a real medical issue so try to be fair to yourself if you haven't gotten the workup anytime recently. Labs things like that now might be a good time to do that just to make sure there's nothing else going on and it's not just not just anxiety maybe there's something else so you wanna rule that out again not the most complicated response here. I understand there isn't really a magic piece of advice for this one. No perfect silver bullet to solve. This takes a little bit of trial and error trying to understand your body a little bit of going with the flow of some acceptance and just allowing yourself to change things as you need to during this period of time. So hopefully these ideas nigerian helpful direction. And thanks for the question. Hey friends the hardcore self. Hope podcast will be right back after this short message from our sponsor this upset is brought to you by audible. If you somehow don't know what audible is. Audible is a leading provider of spoken-word entertainment. All in one place. There's a large selection of audiobooks from bestsellers new releases celebrity memoirs languages business motivation and more as a member. You'll get one credit month. That's good for any title in the entire premium selection. You also get access to the plus catalog which has thousands and thousands of audiobooks original entertainment guided fitness and meditation sleep tracks and podcasts. Also add free versions of your favorite shows and exclusive series. These are all included with your memberships. You can download and stream all them that you want. No credits are needed there. I love audible. I've been using it for a very long time and i listen to audiobooks constantly. I'm doing it when i'm in the car driving to work while i'm doing kind of mundane clerical task for work while i'm washing the dishes literally right before i came in and recorded this i was listening to a will whites book so currently listening to the series called cradle. So there's a bunch of different books in this series But it is very good series about kind of magic. it's a progression novel. So you have somebody starting from the bottom getting better and better and better if you're a fan of like the harry potter series things like that. You'll really like this one. But they have all kinds of stuff. I also listen to Seth rogan's memoir which was hilarious. If you wanna hear about his Audition experience for the movie eight mile. It's a story that you'll definitely want to hear or how he took. So many shrimps. He ended up in the country. It's him narrating along with the celebrity. Cast so really funny awesome stuff. There's so much stuff on audible as i said. I'm a big fan. If you want to check it out for yourself you can do so. New members can try audible for thirty days for free. You hit over to audible dot com slash duff or you text stuff to five hundred five hundred thirty days for free that's audible dot com slash death or text death to five hundred five hundred all right back to the show all right so onto question to you it reads. Hey i haven't seen any episodes on body image issues. And i was wondering if you could talk about this issue more. I remember having body image issues. Since i was about ten maybe earlier. I've worked really hard on my mental health in general but i can't seem to escape this issue. My body image has been progressively getting better. As i'm getting older and working on myself. This is recently changed. Since i had my second child. Who's now one. That pregnancy really took a toll on my body. I'm left with the body. i don't recognize. I do all the things they can to help. Make myself feel better. But i know there are some things that can't be fixed every time i look in the mirror. I just wanna cry. And sometimes i do. My husband says i have bodied this more moravia. There's no way. I can tell if i have it because i really think i look a certain way. So how could. I know if i actually don't i do feel like it's a possibility because when i look back on old pictures i realized. I don't look at all like i thought i did at the time. I always wonder how some women can be. So proud of their imperfections post pregnancy. I obsess over mine honestly. I don't think i can ever be at peace with my imperfections but would appreciate advice on how not to obsess about them. They so much so the podcast and some more stuff like that. So thank you for the question really really appreciate it. It's a huge and complicated topic. And i'm not going to be able to do it. Justice here for multiple reasons one. Because it's a complicated topic to because it's personal and three because you know my personal experience in life is so different than yours. But i do care about this. And i think there's a lot of people who are in a similar boat so i'll try to give some helpful thoughts here. I guess. Maybe i easy thing to talk about. Here's the question of whether this is body dismore via. I say easy because it's a topic. They're not easy because as easy answer. It's actually a tough answer because the definition is a little bit vague body. This morpheus is essentially when you become very very concerned about a perceived flaw in your appearance that other people would find minor or not even notice so if you think about that that leads a lot of room for interpretation you know what somebody else would notice versus you you know. What would somebody else fine minor. What exactly can is considered a flaw. There's a lot of room for interpretation so whether it's body just morphine particular or not. There are certainly elements of what you said. That sound like it could be. You know having such a hard time even recognizing yourself feeling like Obsessive or particular parts of you but the definition itself is a little bit less important than how. It's impacting you. If you're crying into the mirror obsessing about the appearance of your body feeling anguish because of it. It's worth paying attention to regardless of what category falls into. I think the question here isn't you know. Has your body changed. I think it sounds like you're doing a lot of time looking at it and considering whether your body's changed whether you're still the same person as you were before etc etc and i don't think the question is has your body changed as much as why it matters if it has changed. I don't know how you look. I don't know whether you look different or not. And i'm not too concerned about that point. You have two kids. Your body should change you know. That's that's one of the things about this is that Somebody who gives birth very likely has a buys. It looks different. I mean human station and childbirth is fucking crazy when you think about it like it works but i feel like it just barely works. Honestly if you if you think about pregnancies that you've seen in people like gosh you know it's an amazing thing and it's beautiful but it's crazy like we have these giant bellies that stick out and there's a flash human in there and like everything moves out of the way and this is so much stuff that happens and you know. The birthing process can go smooth but it could also go really nonce mood. And so it's like this thing that like i feel like if we all for a few thousand more years it's going to be a lot simpler easier but for right now. It's like this amazing thing that is powered through and is just a whole spectacle. So of course the bodies of people that give birth in carry children adapt and transform to make that happen so somebody looks exactly the same as they did. Prior to having children they would be an outlier. They would be unusual so again. The question is do you look a certain way but why does it. Why does that question over whether you look a certain way. Hold so much power over you look. I'm not gonna pretend like it's easy right. it's not like oh i recognize. I don't have to care about how i look done. You know simple. It's not like that. There are a lot of forces at work here from the media to your own previous life. Experiences of righty thinks that have taught you that. There's a specific way. You should look in a certain type of appearance that you should consider attractive in others in yourself. One piece of advice that can be helpful but sometimes is unreliable is to consider how you feel about other people. So when you look at other people and you see variations things that maybe you consider imperfect if they were on yourself or bad if they were on yourself when you look at people with those things do you get the same negative feelings from them or do you consider them to be unattractive because of it many times the answer is no In which case if the answer is no if you see other people with similar appearances or similar deviations from what you might consider normal or attractive what have you and you don't find them less attractive. You don't judge them for it. You don't find anything wrong with them. If that's the case then maybe you wanna spend some time noticing that reflecting on that noticing people that you still find worthwhile find hot find sexy find interesting regardless of all the different various ways that look and his reflect on how that standard is so different for other people than it is for yourself. The reason. I say that this is sometimes unreliable as that when you're struggling so much with these aspects of yourself. Some people do indeed become more judgmental of others. Because you're so hyper focused on these things appearance. In general physical appearance just starts to mean so much to you that you notice it and everybody else as well. It's yourself kind of similar to the way that people with social anxiety are afraid that everybody else is over analyzing them criticizing them but they're also themselves way more observant and critical of other people. Right other people that might not have social anxiety even their way more observant of everybody else as well as fearing that they're being observed and criticized by other people. So it's a double edged sword you know. Think about what that answer is for you when you think about other people that have bodies that might look similar imperfections or deviations. Whatever that might look similar. Something that i find awesome. Is that with social media There is a growing representation of different body types. You know. I love that on my feet. If i pull up my phone flip. Open instagram or like that. I can find people of all sorts of different shapes sizes colors people with scars or speckled. Skin stretch marks people with limb differences all sorts of different types of people and without fail the coolest part is that there's always people underneath in the comments talking about how awesome and beautiful. They are but with social media. Sometimes you can accidentally fall into sort of your own echo chamber so if your feed on whatever social media platform that instagram or take talk or facebook. If it's simply fueling that fire of you being upset that you don't look like all these unattainable standards. Maybe that's something to pay attention to you. Know if you're sort of doing whatever the equivalent of doom scrolling is to make yourself feel like shit about your body maybe need to pay attention to what you're following in which you're allowing interior feed It might seem silly but simply seeing more representation and positive reactions to different types of people different styles of bodies. It can subtly train your attention so that you're less than asshole to yourself. You know just simply by noticing these things over and over and over that can seep into your own awareness and you find yourself becoming less judgmental and more appreciative of other things. I think that adds in media are getting somewhat better about this but there's definitely still work to be done A brand that comes to mind. That does really well is the savage fanti lingerie and lounge wear brand. They do a really good job in their advertisements of authentically including all sorts of different bodies. It seems like they get it. And i love seeing the reactions to it. I've been seeing ads personally on my facebook for their boxer shorts and the ads feature bigger black guy on it and there's so much love for him in every comments section in people who are thirsting over him and who are like. Oh my god. You're so hodges through a wall in people who are like. Hey it's so good to see somebody who looks like me in these ads. I'm happy to know what i would look like in these clothes. That's awesome so there are definitely some places that are doing it. Well but then again. That's not all ads out there. There are still a lot of advertisements and companies that even maybe make gestures about being inclusive but still everybody in their ad has some sort of perfect hourglass shape and flawless skin and perfect teeth and hair and all of that and they're still a ways to go so it's totally understandable. If you have some programming that you need to unlearn here but what you do have control over. Like i mentioned is at least some degree of control over what you bring into your social media feed if you're on social media if not you know that you can apply that to whatever realm of life you tend to see people on have these influences from but watch out for that echo chamber of just you know. Unattainable standards broaden your horizons a little bit in notice the reactions to the different types of people that are out there and how there's a unique appreciation for certain unique things about people and that's cool again. This is this is something that's not going to be like. Okay let me let me switch. My frame of mind suddenly feel better. It's something that you can sort of train yourself to recognize more and more over time by setting the stage for that so watch out for that. Echo chamber. Therapy is perhaps an obvious suggestion as well. But it's a really important one here. There are different types of therapy. That could be helpful for you. Many different types but for instance. If you were to work with somebody who has more of a cvt cognitive behavioral focus. They might have you. For instance track your negative thoughts that are related to your body and work toward challenging them in a different types of providers situation. You might be looking more into your past into traumas into the origins of negative feelings toward your body in another approach. You might be looking more at systemic factors Things related to You know just society and things of that sort. There's a lot of different ways that you can sort of tackle this and that's going to be sort of personal to you. One interesting notice that some people have found that with the rise in body positively sort of as a as a buzzword and as a way that people companies organizations are trying to shift the focus Some people have found the body. Positively just is not helpful for them. And i get. I think this is really understandable. Because when you think about body positively at least in the kind of layman's terms the broad you know society understanding of it. There are things like Reciting mantras trying to tell yourself can almost convince yourself that you're beautiful that you are worthwhile that you look good all these things And when it comes to the physical side that can sometimes be putting way too much emphasis on the need to be beautiful in the first place like as if the physical appearance is the most important thing and in a way. That's still feeding into being judgmental right. Because you're putting a value judgment on yourself that you should feel beautiful and then you're trying to convince yourself that it is true right like you. You had the value judgment that you should feel good looking beautiful adequate whatever and then you're doing all these things to give. I am beautiful even with my differences. I am beautiful blah blah blah blah blah. There's absolutely nothing wrong with confidence whether that's bodily or otherwise but a lot of people are finding that focusing more on body neutrality is more helpful. There are undoubtedly a bunch of books videos podcasts. About this which you can look into But with body neutrality essentially. What you're trying to do is deemphasize. The appearance of your body. Your body's useful. It's amazing for many reasons and it's basically irrelevant. What it looks like your ability to feel well your ability to live life the way you want to those things are so much more important right so you don't necessarily need to work to convince yourself that you beautiful or convince yourself that you're not ugly instead. You wanna try to decouple those things in work to remove the value judgement. How bodies look in the first place like consider less about the actual physical appearance of the body. Because it's less relevant with this. I think can also play a really important role because sort of Practicing mindfulness asks you to be more curious in descriptive rather than judgmental This could be about your own internal thoughts or feelings or external things but not always jumping to to judge something. That's a good thing. That's a bad thing. That's a good thought or a bad thought but instead just being descriptive being curious what is it. You don't have to say if it's good or bad you just have to describe what it is and this takes practice but it can really help and it can also help you to not get so caught up in derailed when you do have a straight negative thought about your body or about something related to you in that can if you if you do get real by that it can really get in the way of you enjoying yourself in important ways like if you're out in public enjoying yourself say you're at the pool or you're at dinner or something and you have these negative thoughts that that intrude and really smack you in the face. Suddenly it can be pulled out of it if you're having sex and you realize oh i don't like the way this looks or the sound this makes or whatever that can really pull on pull you out of it and that's not fun. That sucks so. Mindfulness is one thing you can do to to help. Even if you have a stray thought that is getting in the way. It's not gonna completely derail you you can recognize it. You can kind of put it off to the side and let it be there amongst all your other thoughts because they're just thoughts. They're just thoughts in get back to what you're focusing on again on the therapy side. I really want to emphasize it for your case mainly because it's so hard to know exactly what's going on in exactly what will be helpful without really digging in there and getting a feel for it because there's a lot of different things you might do in therapy for instance. You might work toward limiting the checking behavior. You know you talked about looking in the mirror lot. Maybe limiting those checking rituals like looking in the mirror coming over old photos weighing yourself. Whatever version you might have Maybe you need to learn to do a little bit of sort of response prevention from that to stop feeding into that cycle in other situations. Maybe you need to do something more like the downward arrow exercise which has you keep asking. Why why does an issue matter until you get down to really the underlying issue so like just as an arbitrary example. Why does it matter that. I have stretch marks. Well if i have stretch marks then People know that. I had children okay. We'll why does that matter. Because then i'm going to look unattractive will why does that matter Because people are going to find me. You know Less worthy because i'm not as attractive as other people and people won't wanna talk to me. What does that matter and you keep going down and down and down until you get to sort of the core of why this matters so much to you and then that is something that you would focus on therapy rather than all this sort of top level stuff. That's causing trouble again. Those are two of many many potential different things that you could be doing with a variety of different providers. So if you're nine therapy already or if in therapy that you don't enjoy your don't benefit from definitely. Consider what else. He might do their so. Yeah regardless. I think that this is absolutely important for you to pay attention to you. Deserve to feel comfortable. You deserve to feel less burdened by this. Hopefully some of the tips that gave you gave you some Directions to move in some thoughts that you can use if not. There's more out there so so don't take my word for their other things that you can do as well but it's a personal thing so you're gonna have to do some trial and error and see what helps you out. You're a worthwhile person. You've done amazing things in this world including bringing some kids into the world and that's awesome. You deserve to feel good about yourself. Deserve to feel like you're allowed to live your life and not be just beating the face by these doubts in these negative feelings all the time so. I hope that you can move towards some relief because you deserve so with that. That is the end of this episode guys. Thank you for listening. This has been episode to sixty the hardcore south. Help podcast if you have a question senate to death. The second gmo dot com. And if you want the full show notes go to death. This psych dot com slash episode to sixty. Don't forget about that. Search bar if you're curious whether i covered the topic or not hit the search bar on the website and search for whatever topic you might think of and then you can see all the stuff. I've already done about that. Nothing wrong with subtle repeating of things but if there's a topic like imposter syndrome or adhd that i've covered before definitely have a look at what i'm already put out there. So thank you guys take great care of yourself and i'll see for next week's episode.

Dr robert duff aka duff Remmy chronic generalized anxiety chronic anxiety dismore hamas Seth rogan robert cancer moravia freeman apple harry potter facebook hodges layman senate adhd
Does Time Equal Money?

The goop Podcast

51:23 min | 7 months ago

Does Time Equal Money?

"I don't hold anything too tightly. Just wish for it. It let it come from the intention of real truth for and then let it go. The mayo soul is like unbound. It's limitless but we will use words to limit ourselves when people stop believing that. Somebody's got your back or superman's coming. We turn to ourselves and asked where you become. Empowered courageous participation attracts positive things. I'm gonna paltrow. This is the goop podcast bringing together. Thought leaders culture changers creatives founders and ceos scientists doctors healers and seekers here to start conversations because simply asking questions and listening has the power to change the way we see the world. Today is no exception a letter lease fill you in on her extraordinary guest all right over to elise. My guest today is author and journalist. Sa- last hadley year as cova broke on our shores. celeste published. a fascinating book called. Do nothing how to break away from overworking overdoing and under living where she examines are fractured relationship with not only our jobs but more importantly our time and the metrics with which we evaluate our lives like many authors. His work came out and early twenty twenty. Her book ended up taking on a whole new meaning as the year unfolded. Since for many people the boundary between home and work life became all the more blurry and we felt both our powerlessness and often an overwhelming desire. To do everything today. We talk about our addiction to self improvement. And why it's problematic for us to measure our self worth productivity. We talk about the history behind the idea that time is money and our obsession with efficiency. Shares the ways also that we can better engage with our work like having more transparency between managers and employees if we recognize this perversion then it kind of makes you wonder what is the healthy state right like if if this is toxic and unhealthy and a perversion of our natural state than what is the healthy ideal. Look like and. I really had to kind of go back to. What is it. That is healthy for all human beings regardless of part of the world iran regardless of your culture or background or whatever and there really aren't a lot of things but that that are true of all human beings. I should say but language is one and play is another play music and belonging community the things that all human beings need in order to be healthy. Don't include work okay. Let's get to my chat with the last hanley. Selassie congrats on your book. I know it came right at this moment where we had to stop doing everything and start doing everything in a totally different way. And that's probably not the best time to publish a book but it holds. Yeah i certainly didn't predict any this happening in the world. At least the united states started shutting down about forty eight hours into my book tour so no not the best time to release a book. But i do think there's some good advice in there that can help people get through it a thousand percent and i just interviewed catherine may who wrote wintering. I don't know if you've read that yet. But i do think that your book you know dolls book. They're all sort of speaking to this. I think the crisis and the relief you know one of the silver linings of the pandemic which was like we are not living in a way that is at all sustainable for any of us in any measure right and so this call you know. Do nothing this call to sort of. Take a look at the way that we're structuring. Our lives and filling. Our days is so critical. And i think that there is such an appetite to sort of for all of us to continue to inventory our time and our values. And what we're doing here and how we're spending our days so i think it's an read and i loved it. I appreciate that again. I think too that. The pandemic sort of sped up the timeline. I mean we were already headed for trouble and the pandemic just sort of really moved us forward really quickly toward toxicity in to a certain extent. Maybe that's a a slight silver lining that it forced people to realize that their habits were toxic. And were not sustainable. I mean that may be a part of the pandemic that ends up leading to better health if that ironic fat could be stated. i mean. it's just it's unfortunate. There's nothing on the broad strokes good about covid nineteen but i do think this particular portion of it that it forced us to become aware of our unhealthy relationship with our work might end up reaping some benefits. Yeah and i feel like your book you know. Sort of directly about work but loosely about life right like this you right at the very beginning. This idea of like how our happiness will just readjust. Right and you're right you know will readjust the level of our happiness. Despite what we've managed to make or procure or achieve that makes us all vulnerable to those who promise more happiness and a better life through the use of their product system or software. We crave more joy and satisfaction. No matter what we achieve no matter. How many extra hours we work. We remain unfulfilled as a nineteenth century. Economist henry george wrote a human is the only animal whose desires increase as they are fed the only animal that is never satisfied that was an amazing paragraph in it sort of speaks to that lack of the feedback loop right which typically like you eat and you're sated or you get something and you're happy but we completely turned on its head. It's perverse yeah. It's interesting how that has become this just addiction to self-improvement you know it's odd because this book is classified itself help but in many ways it's the anti self help book. This is basically the book that says zero k. Yeah all right and stop improving for just a second and be who you are because yes it has gotten to this place where we think we. There's always a place to tweak headline this morning that showed that the number of calls to plastic surgeons have gone through the roof because people don't like the way they look on zoom. It made me so sad. Because i have no problem with plastic surgery. The technology is out there. The knowledge is out there. And if that's what's going to help you feel more like yourself and more confident absolutely but not because you don't look good on zoom right right. Yeah no it's true. I mean it's as you talk about sort of blake need to correct our misperceptions in part. Because you mentioned sort of this idea of doing and being and for me like that's a massive inversion that i'm experiencing in my own life like no longer having a fulltime job etcetera this idea that throughout my life. I've always sort of proved myself into existence through work through. Doing the doing allows me to be and trying to experience life as like might just being is in some ways. Doing just like you're not. We're enough like that's enough. It's when there's no finish line there's no no one who's gonna stand there and give you a medal there. No cookies and again to quote you. This idea you right. Many of us are exhausting. Ourselves sway working very hard at things that accomplish very little of substance but feel necessary to a large extent. The solution to this problem is to correct our misperceptions. In the way that those with body dismore fieschi something other than the truth in the mirror. The feeling of being productive is not the same as actually producing something. The truth is overwork reduced productivity. And i think that's so powerful and i end. Maybe it goes to the plastic surgery idea to of like the illusion of what we're supposed to be doing is completely polluting. What we're actually doing and the quality of what we're making. I think it's a really important point that you've made because the delusion is a symptom of the illness if we were to sit down each day and just separate out not the tiny little tasks that we've done how many emails we've answered or whatever but how much did you actually get done You know. I know a woman at my at my office that used to. She had that to do list app. The little it's like a a daily course. Yeah and she would go in like she would go in at lunch and she'd create tasks for all the stuff. She did already done so that she would have the satisfaction filling in the checkmark. Yes laughing. But i took i totally get that but that satisfaction that you're feeling is not coming from actually reaching some kind of milestone right. Yeah it's that we've created this idea. That filling in the checkmark is enough like that's our goal but we have rarely stepped back and really said wait a second. What is michael. And and what am i doing. That's actually moving me forward. Instead of just running on this treadmill totally. I mean but i relate so heavily at the beginning of covid. I made a video on instagram. Sort of about exactly what you were saying. Which is i think we were all feeling so turned on her heads that i was reverting back to do lists hard. I always used to do list. But i was writing down like walk. Go on a twenty minute walk. Take a shower like for me. It was some way to tether myself to the fact that i was so distracted so anxious. I couldn't get anything done but that i would have some measure of my time by writing down these things that i did do every day and that i took for granted. Make dinner for my kids. But it's as you say like. It was sort of the buoy that i needed in that moment of feeling like oh i cannot accomplish. I can't produce anything can accomplish anything. I certainly was not alone particularly in that first month. But that's how. I measure my value and my my worth is what i produce. Oh i needed that. Needed the structure of that really dumbed which tragedy of that for me. I one hundred percent understanding. And as far as i'm concerned whatever you need to get you through and keep your head above water at this time of anxiety. I an hundred percent doors however the fact that you felt lost because you weren't producing something like i. I wanna peel back that onion and get down to the core of that feeling of anxiety. You had that low self esteem that you had because you weren't doing something that's what this book is. Aimed at addressing is getting back there to that core. Why do you feel unhappy. Because you didn't supposedly do something worthy that day because you did do worthy stuff and you know you did worry the stuff because you ended up putting on your to do list right. I kept myself clean at thousand percent. And i thought this was such a light bulb moment for me when in the book used explained that that we experience this massive shift in the way that we think about our productivity when work became less about what you produced physically or what you created and it became about efficiency and time and that the idea you talk about how punctuality the original meaning exactness. Yeah but then it became about time and that efficiency meant the power to get something done which comes from accomplish. But now we see it as a synonym for being productive. So there was this massive shift of lake thinking about all of our time right as a measure of our productivity. Yeah absolutely i mean. I don't know what your education was like. I just know that for me. I don't think i really learned how seismic shift was when the industrial revolution came along. I had no idea that people lived completely differently. For most of the three hundred thousand years human beings have been on this planet. I mean like when the industrial revolution came along. Everything changed and a big. Was this relationship to time. You know we've been talking for so many years about things like task based work right. We've discovered that as long as you work as task based it's going to give you more satisfaction we've talked about things like a work life balance but these are all related to this idea. The reason we're having to deal with all these different things is because of this philosophy that case that arose with the industrial revolution. That time is money. Then your time can be valued in dollars and sense. That's the'regional sin. Right that's what has caused all these different problems that we're now having to deal with whack a mole if we can get back to this idea that our time can be measured in our bank accounts then it an attack that and get rid of that then we don't have to deal with all this other stuff. Your time is not money. That's that they're not equated and yet the just accepting that and we've leaned into it with every generation right like this began two or three hundred years ago. It was already causing problems at that time. And every single generation has leaned into it till now here we are at a place where as you said at the beginning it is unsustainable unsustainable and we and completely perverted right because what also happened with the industrialization of work. Is this idea of well. I guess a lot of women were sort of the first mill workers but much of that work was men and women who had always been working in the home producing close so gardening really all of these all of the things that kept people sufficient and men obviously work to. But then you have the shift. Were suddenly like the work that matter somehow is the industrial work and the detached money and as the the whole shift of the economy and what. It also did to women and this idea. I think that many of us carry that women didn't really work until the seventies. Oh it's a ridiculous. I had no idea this hidden history of how many women were entrepreneurs and business owners before the industrial revolution came along. And you're absolutely right. It was devastating to women and their independence when we began to shift toward factory work and so much of of what the industrialized was. The work women were doing candle making and lace tatting and textile work. That's how women were earning their livings. That's how widows were making a living when their husband had passed away you know there were so many women who were put out of business and became dependent you know and then it became even worse because you know before the industrial revolution. A lot of things occurred after that for example the enclosure movement in which faces the had been public where you know a small landowner who had a couple sheep you know could graze their animals on the public square while nothing they they sold all that land or gave it to wealthy people and then it wasn't public anymore so again you've taken away the means of support for people who were not wealthy. You've made people dependent on jobs and employers and factory owners and we disempowered the industrial revolution. We think of that as a time when it really everyone became civilized and that led to the comfortable is that we have today. That's true but it also really disempowered the vast majority of people in these industrialized countries and most especially women. Let's take a quick break. When in-office treatments are not an option. I still have access to a powerful facial in a little jar two to three times a week. I massage goop. Glow marker derm instant glow expo leader onto clean damp skin using a circular motion. And when it starts to tangle. i know it's working. It's magic after three minutes. I rented off and pad dry and my skin is softer smoother and more limits. The group glow micro. Derm is dual action and delivers the benefits of both physical and chemical expoliation. It's inspired by a micro derm abrasion and treatment and you would get at your facialists. The formula has a blend of four micro exfoliating minerals plus cholic acid to help sweep away dry dead skin cells and polish away roughness and of course all beauty products are formulated. Without parabens petroleum phthalates s. l. s. silicones or artificial dyes or fragrances. If you want to try are amazing. Micra germ had to google dot com slash micro podcast and enter micro twenty at checkout for twenty percent off your order. That's micro term two zero and now back to today's conversation. Many think to you know not to sort of say. Oh let's go back to the days where we all need to be entirely self-sufficient and make our own clothes and garden. Although there is something to be said for that you take away sort of cultures self sufficiency and community sort of resilience and the way that we were living. And then as you said you make it dependent on employers and jobs and people will not only lose those skills. They lose their access to the creation of those decryption in about self-sufficiency. And then you think about this extreme anxiety that we have culturally where and of crate. Of course the great irony of of covid and the furloughs and the number of people who have lost their jobs like even our health is attached to our employment. Right like our entire. We aren't so self sufficient were entirely dependent on what we can make from an employer to survive at such a weird shift this massive. And i don't think we've ever processed it. In many cases it was intentional. And if you go back to those original documents letters and memos that were passed between executives at the time you see that this was a strategy that the more independent somebody was on their job the less likely they were to demand higher wages and risk being let go right the more disempower workers obviously the more prophets you can funnel from workers straight up to the top of the company the hardware you can work those workers the more abuse the workers tolerate and and believe me. I'm not being anti-capitalist here. I'm just saying that the truth of the matter is is that many industrialists. Their strategy was to disempower workers so that they wouldn't have to deal with work complaints. And that's not my opinion that's just backed up by the documentation one of the things. I found while researching labor practices throughout the centuries was when the industrial revolution began. There were even some employers that would go in and surreptitiously change the clocks. Put them back so that workers wouldn't realize that it was six o'clock or whatever they'd think it was still four so they were literally stealing time And then yeah and then you think about where. We are sort of present day and entered the disappearance of that factory work and how the emergence of work and care industries which many men are not interested in. But that's where the work is right. We have massive needs in care which we've always undervalued and underpaid and for many women they do theoretically for free or for for no dollars for zero dollars at home and then you get into it sort of in the traditional work day in the way where many of us are stuck. Which is this idea that like you work from nine to five. Except that's all been on boundary by technology rights and most of us are on call or looking at our email all the time even in the middle of the night when we go to the bathroom and that there's this idea that if you're not working you're not sort of justifying your job or you could be working if you're self employed and you know that time spent with your family is money out of your pocket like it's all become very perverted. Yeah and perverted is a really good word because it's really is a perversion of the natural state for a human being and that's one of the reasons you know. One whole entire chapter is goes back to evolutionary biology and evolutionary psychology. And the reason for that was because of what you're talking about this perversion if we recognize this perversion than it kind of makes you wonder what is the healthy state right Like if this is toxic and unhealthy and a perversion of our natural state than what is the healthy ideal. Look like and i. I really had to kind of go back to. What is it. That is healthy for all human beings regardless of what part of the world iran regardless of your culture or background or whatever and there really aren't a lot of things but that that are true all human beings. I should say but language is one and play is another play music and belonging community the things that all human beings need in order to be healthy. Don't include work right. i mean that's being takeaway your feeling productive right. You don't need that you can be one hundred percent healthy and happy without it but it doesn't feel like that right and there are so many people who say no i work because i love it and i think do you right. Yeah i mean. I think some people do particularly when they're in a field or they you know it's a true expression of who they are and their personal gets you know. I think that's an amazing. You probably feel that way about your work often. I certainly have felt that way about my work. I love what i do. it's hard. it's hard again to. I can fleet the to work in life for that reason in a way. That's probably not healthy but yes for so many people so many of my friends who are like did i really wanna do bankruptcy law like is that what i bring to the world or whatever it is however they're spending their time that is not necessarily what gives people the meaning right there working to live there working to pay for those moments of freedom enjoy but we're also living in a culture where it's really hard to feel free or joyful right and the other thing is is that as much as i love my work and i do. There's plenty of times when i get up to do my work. And i really don't want to. There's plenty of times when i'm you know i have a headache or i sick or i stayed up or i didn't sleep well. And if i were following the dictates of my body and my proclivities i wouldn't get up and get to work right. I mean so that's when i say that like people remain at work and we justify it. That's what i'm talking about riot. Is this compulsion to continue working. Which i don't blame or shame anybody for that. I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm saying that you've been made to feel this way. And you know when the pandemic hit. And i started seeing all these posts on social media of how guilty people felt sitting on the couch and i i thought to myself this is going to be bad because people are at home all the time now and they don't know how to be at home without working. We've gotten rid of all of the hobbies that our previous generations had right. Nobody stamped collects anymore polishes rocks. I mean they're very few hobbies. That people engage in that. Don't have a broader purpose. They don't have an oetzi store or they don't make pictures of them on instagram right. There's very few hobbies. People engage in just for the sake of doing it and so everyone was stuck at home and they didn't have anything to do. People don't Board games anymore. They don't play solitaire unless it's on their computer. And i thought to myself you know this is going to be bad and i remember writing to my saying. Hey listen i should probably write something because people are about to start working longer hours. Not sure because they're going to be stuck at home and they don't know how to not be at work and that is exactly what has happened. People are working longer hours. They are taking more meetings than ever before. And that's because we don't have a home anymore you know. Somebody was saying that we were not working from home. Where living at work totally and this idea too of the anxiety of job loss and feeling like you need to show the world that you're productive all the time and that's sort of a measure of your value like this holds before this this particular paragraph in your book certainly before and it holds after you write research from roland paulson. At lund university showed that employees spend about half of their workday cyber slacking or engaged in non work activities not related to their primary job responsibilities more than half of all online purchases are transacted between nine pm and five pm and almost two thirds of the traffic porn sites occurs during the workday. Few jobs legitimately involved the viewing pornographic videos. I think it's safe to assume we can include that in non work activities which is hilarious. But before we had this mash right this work life. Mash of like you kind of have to find ways to get your christmas shopping or your gop shopping done at the office. And then you kind of feel guilty about that and so you're working at night and it's all a mess. So how do you think that we start to sort of particularly in this moment in time and who knows what work will look. I sort of think. I interviewed this. Man giampiero patriarchy at nc about who specializes in work and he was like i think it will go back really fast when it goes back and i think he's his right but how do we go back with better habits like how do we start to engage with our work and our leisure in a way that is much more healthy in boundaried. You know one of the things that just has to happen is a managers need to get their strategies out of the nineteenth century. The you know they are really squelching productivity with this emphasis on hours that someone is present on the job at an maybe. The pandemic will teach managers. That you know. You don't have to be constantly sitting at your computer. In order to be considered a great employee. I doubt it because for some reason they just can't get their minds out of the nineteenth century idea of somebody's sitting on a factory line like here. We are in the age of technology and software and the there are our habits are managerial. Habits are based on the factory lines of the eighteen ninety s. It's ridiculous but how do we do it. I mean. I think that what's going to happen to have to happen. Is that employees are going to have to become empowered on their own and start trying to shift the needle just a little bit and one of the ways to do that is to be transparent with your your managers and say hey listen. Here's what i got done today. i'm gonna head home. Is that all right with you. You know blah blah blah blah blah blah and sort of negotiate this line between got done even more than you expected of me today and so it's ridiculous from you to expect me to sit at my desk. My and i do think it requires sort of an expansion of and i don't know how many and a lot of jobs don't have this but sort of very clear understanding and articulation of your job description right and what done looks like and what the expectations are. So that people aren't because i i certainly census among friends and colleagues that you're sort of just like i don't know when i'm done and i don't know what's enough and it is this again it goes back to this unbounded this that we're all experiencing where people don't know how to draw that line and they don't managers don't always put in place sort of the expectations of the job so that people are like. Oh i wrote my three stories this week or you know. This is what. I accomplished so that they can go home and feel like it's enough and i think that you know i jokingly sometimes when people ask me this how do i bring my manager into the modern world. I jokingly answered by give him a copy of this book to it. Because to a certain extent i feel like maybe they need to see the statistics may need to realize that that when someone takes all their vacation days they actually end up being more productive and more effective less error prone and more creative than someone who doesn't yes so imposing any kind of penalty whether it's implied or real on someone who takes all their vacation time that's counterproductive quite literally and sometimes people just need to see that in black and white took to realize that year following this line of thinking that it feels right because it's the way it's always been done but that doesn't mean it's good doesn't mean active and it's also you talk about sort of the industrialization of work and we think about that as if that's where we started we're not machines right and you talked about the moments when you're like i. I'm tired slept badly. I certainly have those moments on. I don't know if it's because we're both writers and maybe worse sort of built the same way but i can be wildly productive like crazy productive but my process is often and i learned this in college and was able to sort of manage it throughout my career recognizing the days the hours when it ain't happening like i'm not an just not in a flow state. I'm not going to get anything done then. I'm gonna go online and like you know. Get my kids some close or whatever it might be and then other times you know. I'm writing a book right now and my process. I guess it's called her medical. I can't remember exactly what it is. But i'm reading a ton and taking in a ton not writing at all and then i'll sit down and put out six thousand words and six hours same thing same thing it's like you're pregnant and you get to the point. Where like it's coming. I'm like you know. Rob get the kids out of the house like i'm going into labour nobody a non. I don't write anything for weeks. But i could also just be braiding myself like right two hundred words a day god damn it and i just. It's not my process. It's not and i'm assuming most people are similar like you get a tremendous amount done in a few hours and then maybe nothing for the next ten. Yeah and know. That's the way with that. We know from our best knowledge. That's how the human brain works right. I mean this is one of the things. That i i mentioned in the book is when you go back through records you see how very few hours a day. Some of the most accomplished and productive people in history have worked. Charles darwin charles dickens. I mean just a list of people who worked maybe four or five hours. A day is huge. It's massive and by if you force yourself. This whole knuckling down. The phrase i hate is rising grind. That has a lot of meanings. I mean i'm talking about is the one where it's like. Okay get up to the goldman. Get your coffee on you know. This is the morning when you're setting yourself up for the rest of the day that you're supposed to just pop up and immediately start grinding your brain into work. No absolutely not you need to find just like you have found the best way for you to be productive. You need to find the morning routine. That actually works for you and set you up for a healthy relaxed a positive frame of mind. Not the kind that like forces yourself to get as many of those check marks xdr in on your to do list. That's that's not going to help you. Yeah and i think for managers. An important part of it is sort of care right and understanding how the people on your team might work or might produce and less of a this breaking away from this task mastery idea which i also think that we have is probably a projection right from our own lack of enjoyment often in our work in our productivity. And the fact that we're just as you said grinding it out and so we project that onto other people who were supposed to manage with this idea that. Oh if i'm not on them they're not gonna do it or not giving them autonomy not assuming their competence and not allowing or giving them the space to do it how they want to do it when they wanna do it and as long as it's done and done well like everyone should be happy but we're still stuck in this sort of i'm going to manage you and you're going to be managed and i think that's also very disempowering and unhealthy. It's very out greater that word it because you're not supposed to be a manager. You're supposed to be a coach. You things that really interferes with a leaders ability to motivate. Their team is something. That's called survivorship by us with a logical error and it's basically that you concentrate on the successes so state let's say a ceo has sort of risen through the ranks even though so few of them do. Let's say they did when an employee comes them and says. Hey we're having trouble with whatever may be. We're having not problems. We're having issues and this is slowing down that. Ceo is going to look back at their own history and although cr the successes and this person is a wigner i got through this without hardly any trouble whatsoever and we have all of us. Have this bias where we don't tend to see how difficult things were for us. You know it's interesting. One of the most famous instances examples of survivorship bias was in world war two and they were trying to figure out how to make planes more safe from enemy fire and so they began to study the planes to see where the bullets hit and they were like okay. We'll put some armor on those places where there's bullet holes and then one of the researchers came up and said look. You're studying the wrong thing. You're studying the planes that made it back to study are the ones that were shot down. Yeah and same thing with our survivorship bias you cannot judge things based on only successes. We really have to embrace failure as an incredible learning opportunity and this is really important for leaders to understand. Is that failure slowdowns. those are also very productive. It's interesting this idea this bias because as a woman and maybe there is a gender component to this. I think of it sort of almost as the opposite. Less about oh. I don't remember that being so hard. What's wrong with you and more. Oh well the sucked for me. You know. I didn't get any paid family leave or i didn't get support. So why should. I make things any easier for you. Yeah this is a different kind of bias. We and it is a type of bias that we have where we amplify how things were for us and we really de emphasize struggles. Other people are having and the reason for this is because we don't know the ins and outs of how difficult it is for somebody else. Right actually causes a lot of struggle within organizations where one department will hate another one marketing hates. Pr pr hates the editors and that's partly because of this bias where we really see every single detail of what is making things difficult for us and when surveyed people always highly rate how difficult their own jobs are an always underrate. How difficult other. People's jobs are yeah. And so it just very enact anytime we're trying to judge somebody else's struggles or travails or anything like that. Were very inaccurate at doing that. The only way to do that accurately is to shut up and let them tell you and to have some sort of reciprocal faith right or this idea. That of good intent. Yeah empathy care telepathy. Whatever you wanna call it but this desire for the same product and like however you get there and whatever way you choose works for me. As long as it doesn't negatively impact other people right. I mean you really do have to allow people to do their own jobs. you know. there's so many bias involved in what you're talking about here. There's another one that is where leaders have this. They often get caught in. What's called the expertise trap so one of the reasons. They don't allow their team members to tell them what's going on is because when you become an expert in one subject you start to believe that you're an expert in everything when you're smart about one thing you start to believe you're smart about everything and you forget that if you're not working in the shipping department anymore you you probably don't remember what that job entails and so when you moved on you need to allow the people in the shipping department to tell you what's needed but they don't. They don't listen to their own team members. It's the expertise trap as your expertise in your intellect goes up your learning curve. Flattens out rate That makes a lot of sense. I know we're almost out of time with so many important pages about parenting and women and and all of that we can get to it. But the other thing that i definitely want to get to is that you talk about sort of the research around perfectionism and how that's been increasing in college students since the eighties and i think you know as a perfectionist. He's trying away to be recovering Perfectionist and very grateful that i did not grow up with social media or an iphone or any of it. But how well how is this manifesting itself. I know it's manifesting itself sort of across the spectrum of life and work but how is this. How do you think we got here. And how do you think it's showing up so yes. Perfectionism is desperately increasing over. Time and perfectionism is really damaging you know one of the most horrifying statistics is that suicide has began to rise a few years back. And it's mostly among young people in fact one of the biggest increases was among children. And it some of this. It can be traced straight back to perfectionism this idea that no matter. How good you are someone else's better at it that everything should be measured and weighed and it. Is it competition with another person. You know and it part of this. You can see in our societies emphasis on testing constantly in schools as though testing scores. Tell us whether a school is successful or not. And if you're a parent you know that's not true but we have created these lists of things that kids need to do. Our children are walking resumes. And that means that not only. Are our children feel horrible every time. They're not actually accomplishing anything. But they also feel paralyzed because they are aware at all times. Knew that no matter what they do. It won't be good. Enough right you write this perfectionism. As a byproduct of a society that is outwardly focused and constantly making comparisons. You might feel good about the dinner you make and tell you look on instagram. Or you may love certain. Tv show until you see it being dragged by people on twitter who claimed that only an idiot would enjoy that show so true. You know 'cause. I think even grown people grown women like i can look at instagram and be sort of. I want to believe that. I'm impervious to it. And i recognize that. It's so much of it as a total projection. Now there's like the projection of the project. There's the projection of on top of the projection. But it's true right. There's this idea that however it's beyond sort of what we intellectualize rationalize it's more insidious than that of we can say. Oh you know. These are just edited. Shots of like someone's day but that it is never before we had this sort of comparison tool. It's so strange right. And it used to be used as credit damaging. Yeah and one of the ways. But believe me i when i wrote this book. I had no idea it'd be reading so much about economics but one of the ways that this has manifested is in the fact that we no one's happy with their salary because they're not comparing themselves to their neighbors anymore right. Nobody even knows their neighbors. It you know. During my mother's age she would have these barbecues and stuff and all the neighbors would come over even the one. She didn't like or didn't agree with imagine that and somebody would talk about their new buick. They got her. Has somebody got a new gas grill or whatever it was. We don't not only. Do we not have those gatherings anymore. But the people were comparing ourselves or not the guy who lives down the street. It's kim kardashian. Bright that's always gonna make you unhappy right only god. That's that reminds me of just one of the most staggering statistics in your book. Which is which i completely relate to. Which is this idea that. Let me see if i can find it but that we now think this point americans don't think someone as wealthy unless their income is about to high five million dollars a year. That's thirty times. The actual amount and individual needs in order to be classified as upper income in the united states and thirty times the average net worth of american households. But that's true on thirty. Is i have that exact. Same response. Where i completely identify with that and i also can recognize that it's insane but that's how it feels right. It feels like we're all that nothing is achievable. Yes absolutely for not carrying any bag. How wealthy could you actually be. You know it was interesting my stepdaughter. When she was turning sixteen you know they have that sweet sixteen show. I don't know what it's called but some show where people get re elaborate sweet sixteen parties and oh yes. I know what you're talking about. I think it was like an mtv. Yes my scene yes. Yeah and she wanted some big party and i was like well. You're not getting that. But i tell you what i'll give you a budget of two hundred and fifty dollars. Mary generous you right for a party. And mike and you see what you can do with that and she comes back to like a week later. I can't rent any hall for two hundred fifty dollars miami. Oh yeah you know. An issue hadn't even it wasn't connected with reality. Yeah she has no idea how much it costs. Sorrento's hotel rooms that they use or how much those dresses cost and when she was forced to sort of look at how much these things cost she may not even connect that how many hours a day it would take me to earn that amount. There is complete uttered disconnect. It's true and that and then also feel aggrieved or you know less than or ashamed that she doesn't have the bands with the big red bow on it for her in the foyer of the four seasons. But that's what everyone else is doing right. It's so funny it's true. I don't even think it's not rational. But it certainly. It certainly has spun us all up right. I'm sure the price of the average wedding has just gone through the roof. Now that people can see everyone else's weddings on instagram. And there are so many wedding shows etcetera and yet here again you find. The research shows that the more expensive your wedding reception is the more likely it is that you'll get divorced. The first ten years like the less likely it is that your marriage will last so again. God some relief. I know thank cost nothing but but you know it's again it's this idea of. What is your goal. Is you all a happy marriage. Or is it to have this fabulous party because have the party. It just doesn't have to be a wedding party right ryan if you wanna party throw a party but don't try to throw the same one that you know pink through where your you know. Whatever so again it's like this weird disconnection between what our goals are because very few people would you ask them. What is your goal in life. Very few people are going to say. You know a house. Similar to kim kardashians and offend d. Bag right and yet we live our lives as though that is our goal so you know one of the things that's most important is for people really to sit down and say. What is my big overarching goal format. I've what do i want out of life. And then how do i get there. Yes totally. I love that because that and i hear this all the time and i've certainly participated in this where i'm like. I don't have enough. Or i don't have what i need. And then someone's like well. What do you need. And what's enough. And i'm like i have no fucking idea because i've never thought about it rhino but this the that and i did this at the beginning of cova to which was very comforting and helpful to me actually made a budget and then i made my ideal budget and then i made my five year budget and it was really helpful. Just to articulate it. And then i felt like it was something i could go out and meet or not but that i actually knew it and i had outer titillated it and made it. So and that there was something very liberating in that. Rather than just thrashing around in the sea of not enough. I am so glad that you did that. I highly suggest everybody do that is to create. What is your ideal budget. What is it that you need and megan realistic. When i went through the same exercise. I actually said okay. Where am i gonna leave me living in five years. What's the average home price there And then what's going to be my mortgage payment every month. Like i got very specific. At how much do i need each month and it turned out. I was making more than that already making more than my ideal budget and yet i still had this feeling of i need enough. I need more ever need more. And when i made that realization it helped me to say no to things so one of the reasons i was so busy. All the time is that people would come in with these offers. This is you know. When after i became self employed they come in with offers and i think will god. That's a lot of money. I can't turn that down. But when i realized that i didn't need that money that i would be okay without it. It made it much more likely that i was able to say you know what no and you know and the thing is that i think is part of that sort of budget as i started asking myself. What kind of vacations. I wanted because for so many years have had this odd sort of vague notion of traveling to paris and you know whatever but when it came down to it and they ask myself where do i really wanna go. I wanna go see my friends. You know it's not that expensive to go to flagstaff. It's really not that expensive to spend a weekend in la to see my friends and family there. Well thank you for your book. Thank you for your time today. I really hope that people read your book. And there's so much wisdom in it. Thanks for listening to my conversation with celeste. Headley for more from last police check out her book. Do nothing how to break away from overworking overdoing and under living. That's it for today's episode. If you have a chance please. Rate and review hit subscribe to keep up with new episodes and pass it along to a friend. Thanks again for joining a hope. You'll come back for more. And in the meantime you can check out. Google dot com slash the podcast.

dismore fieschi cova henry george iran paltrow celeste hadley hanley elise roland paulson instagram giampiero patriarchy catherine blake Charles darwin charles dickens
Bridget Phetasy || Why We Need More Humor

The Psychology Podcast

1:16:15 hr | 2 months ago

Bridget Phetasy || Why We Need More Humor

"Today. We have bridget. Fantasy on the podcast. Bridget is a writer and stand up. Comedian who has contributed to a wide variety of publications such a spectator usa. Huffington post playboy tablet magazine the washington examiner and more as the owner and operator of fetichism seeing. She has built a digital media. Empire leveraging existing platforms such as twitter youtube and locals to deliver insightful and compelling commentary and observations on current events. Are youtube show dumpster. Fire is a satirical commentary on the ridiculousness of the twenty four hour news cycle and her weekly podcast walk ins. Welcome has become staple listening for many influencers in the social media. Space prison was so high. We consider it a a media. Cul de sac not really an empire. Yet you wrote cold to sack. Euro goals like i say for the record i take responsibility for calling it an empire. I appreciate your optimism and your belief. And may i wanted to signal belief. I want to that a sack. Yeah hi thanks for having me. We need to get you on the podcast. Oh that'd be a lot of fun. Yeah let's do the crossover event. Let's get through this one. I you know we're not done with this year yet already. Like welcome to my podcast. So funny well look okay let me just take a step back and just make a meta comment I really do feel like. I like your energy. Let me start off saying. I like your energy. I feel like we're We have a similar sort of a absurdity philosophy absurdity philosophy. So i want to start there because i really am an absurdist at heart and i feel like i can't. I certainly can't take myself too seriously. Like if i start to take myself too seriously. I get depressed you know. Yeah and i feel like you're similar. Yeah i always say. I kind of a mantra. Take the work seriously to take yourself seriously. And i was thinking about the whole idea of thirty yesterday when i had people taking me totally seriously and you make a joke on twitter and just as an endless barrage of people taking it seriously and taking themselves seriously and i was like i would. I could handle losing almost anything except my sense of humor. Because i've used my sense of humor even thinking you know extremely like what are the extreme things even my leg. I think i would rather lose my legs or my sense of humor. You know asking myself this question and losing your legs would suck completely obviously but it would suck way more if you had no sense of your about this all the time. Believe it or not. I think about all the time like. Please don't take away. You can take away all my other dignities my sense of humor and i'm irish catholic and i don't you know we laughed awakes. It's really how i've i've i've seen myself through some very dark times in my life. I was kind of the gesture and my rehab. I always just wanted to make people laugh there. I have been in situations. That are dark. And i've Really wanted to lighten. Lighten them up. Because it's i find that it is the best way to get through any kind of hell. I mean have to be able to laugh at it at at at a certain point even even when it's really gnarly i agree i mean. Are you ever in like a dark situation and you make a joke and people like that's inappropriate and you almost wanna be like. But if i didn't joke i i would go insane. What's my alternative. You know yeah. I mean even i. I also don't think that it's right for people to take away your agency about joking about dark things. people is. People will often go after people for rape jokes for example and. I feel like they've helped me. I was drugged and raped. I have at joking about. It has helped me heal that part of it and it also hearing people make funny jokes about it and be being able to laugh at has taken me from being a victim and out of that victimhood mentality. That would be so easy to identify with. So i feel like it's really helped me process that that horrible thing and move through it in a way that i can. You know it's still very serious thing. Obviously but it's not something that's going to define me for the rest of my life. That's really really interesting to you. Forget like non victim shaming by victims of sexual assault Who don't want you to like like they want you to kind of stay in victim mode. I mean this. Sasha very sensitive topic obviously but But does that ever happen because this is see this happen. Sometimes some people who go through such a terrible thing and then you know they say well. I'm no longer a victim but those who are who are not there yet. you know. it's kind of like you can't pull off own defenses. That's that's the biggest thing we weren't in psychology by the client. Who's not there yet. You know you can't just say oh stopping a victim. You know what i mean. I i know you're not saying that but you see what i'm saying. No i think that. There's an overall tendency and the culture to want to be sensitive and i appreciate. I don't think that's a horrible thing. I appreciate that everybody is is a so much of it. Feels like i mean. I say that but i think a lot of it just feels like lip service so there there seems to be people who will come after me and say oh you know this. That might be funny for you. But it wasn't funny for me and there are a lot of other people who are seeing this and and they've been through something and you know it should have a trigger warning or it should be. It should be something that you take more seriously because other people take it seriously. And i just can't i. I am not responsible for every single. The way every single person in the world interpret something that i say or tweet that they might see of mine or joke or i'm not response. It's like the first thing you learn recovery. It's like none of my business how people feel and interestingly enough another way of framing that another way from you that is that people need to take some some sort of responsibility for themselves in how they are affected by words or joke that's another way of framing it. You know as opposed to kind of getting the the the pressure off you. You know to some degree. I think you know responsibilities to happen in every kind of direction. I feel like that's a healthy thing. I mean that was the first thing. I learned in rehab when i was nineteen i remember. I was wanting about how all the girls were. Some of the girls were pushing my buttons and the women who saved my life at that rehab. They were like yeah. And they're your buttons. So why don't you start looking at why these things are upsetting you. And obviously things are setting in the world and you have a right to react to them and to push back to feel like. There's an injustice to feel upset but there is a certain. I know that i i love that. There are so many platitudes that i love the one one being. Put down the microscope and pick up the mirror. You know. you'll be like hyper focusing on something that someone either said to you or some perceived slight or a perceived grievance and or something someone else's doing or for every finger that you're pointing their three pointing back you This is really why. I love jonathan hyde and and so much of his work and i do want to have that quote of his. That's where all self-righteous hypocrites who are so going to putting on a show of virtue that we forget our even putting on a show and after that's where the sense of humor comes in. Because i have to remember that. I'm we on dumpster. Fire will be making jokes and more contradict ourselves. Two seconds later and to be able to laugh at that. There's a certain kind of personality that like. They kind of come at you. With a certain sanctimonious tone any any. No it just by the tone even though you don't you don't any of the words like even if even if you couldn't like if it was a different language let's say it was like klingon like it would still be the same like you'd be like i know i know that you're being sanctimony But usually when that when that is coming at me it usually lacks all humor like not. I'm not saying there needs to be humor in every situation. Like obviously but that person. I feel like i can't engage with them. In any kind of relational like i find. Humor is really good at in a in a as a relational way dissolving tensions. I think it's an underestimated you know like tool for that people can use. Who even hate each other. You know like he can even be funny even just saying like. Oh it's my arch nemesis bob again. Like in both of them laughing like there's something about that that steps you both above yourselves. Dude i mean but you know what i'm saying. There's a certain kind of person that can kind of come with this sanctimony as tone that you feel like you can't even like we're not allowed to play at all. No we like really like zero. Yeah people who take themselves too seriously and his people looking for a fence everywhere. They go which is really just self-importance. You know finding ways to be offended everywhere in the world is really just thinking that you are so important that i i mean i don't i don't know i come my i. I feel like an old lady. Most of the time. When i'm dealing with younger people because i come from just like a who gives a shit. I don't know if you can swear on here but it my family was very just like you're nothing not east coast. They're kinda just like the world doesn't tell you anything. What can you bring the world. You didn't get up and try and make the best things. I found that my life really changed a lot. When i started waking up and i started saying and when i don't do this i noticed a huge difference in my day. What can i bring to the world instead of. What can i get. Because i will easily fall into. I'm not getting enough. I don't have enough white is x. have more than me. why aren't i wear my accolades. How come no one's giving me credit. You know the all the stupid trivialities of the ego that you get trapped in and and mostly just results oriented feelings that are outside of me being in the process or me being in the work or me being in the moment. Do you ever feel though you may go too far and and you could use a little more self respect like do you ever do you. Refined you can go so opposite in that direction. That like you like you. Don't stand up for yourself. Sometimes just curious. I'm probably maybe not. I don't stand up for myself. But i i probably I probably could use some positive affirmations or something in the take a. We'll give you some positive affirmations myself. Talk is not great. You know. I i definitely have that east coast kind of like. Oh what did you think. You're better than us bread. That voices the voice in my head and it's not an south. I've used self-deprecation as a tool to survive when i was moving a lot and also just it's part of we were kind of raised in just not take ourselves seriously. We might we my cousin maggie and i talk about this all the time. It's like you have to learn how to laugh at yourself or everyone else will be laughing at you. It's just a. It's always a functional tool and a giant norma's irish catholic family. I always joke. The my upbringing was roma's battle. It was thinker. Swimming self-deprecation is a is a way to Make people comfortable. All is very useful. Particularly when you're a woman triton or a young teenage girl trying to navigate multiple junior highs in high schools so some of that is just i think have it you know but i also think self-deprecation is hilarious. It's good to be able to poke fun at yourself. But yeah i mean probably i could use a little bit more self esteem but i i don't know i'm not just i feel i feel fine i probably have you know body dismore via and I don't know it's so you know we have such a hard time seeing ourselves. I just. I don't think we it's so hard to see And so much of social media and everything that we're projecting it is just that it's a projection. I'll get so many tweets. And i'm like wow this is a whole lot of projection that'll to eat but it must feel good self-esteem lies to know so many people who who love you. I mean they adore you. I'm not talking about a little about a lot of people. Like what does it do to your self esteem. I don't know i try not to. I can't really make it based on. There's a lot of people who hate me and i do. I look at my analytics people. I don't look at analytics through my podcast i stay. I have to say out of that because a being that. It's a weird thing when you are the brand this new this new. You know which i knew was coming even two thousand and five when i started fantasy and it's i'm not as great as taking it not so personally. You know every subscriber every person. Who unsubscribe subscribes that. It could be financial ninety percent of it could have nothing to do with. Maybe some of it could be actually because of something i said or dead and so trying to detach a little bit from that and taking it personally can be challenging and again. It's i have to do. It's like doing the spiritual work as as much as i think that words been destroyed when i'm not in that place is generally when i'm more suspect to leading how many people like or hate me. I mean it really is like the f bomb rudyard kipling poem. It's just. We had that growing up. And i really think that that is. It's like not letting praise or blame or how many people love you hit. You really get kind of finding that nice space where you can appreciate those things and taking criticism that is meaningful and also just be a self contained human frigid fantasy you. I tested you with my question and you passed with flying colors else exactly. That was the right answer. Everything the right answer because like if you if you responded like yes my followers you know like self esteem is based on whether or not they like me or not. It'd be like we need to talk. But i loved your answer. I love that thank you. You know you I you what that does so young women even like youtube influenced instagram influencers and they have public breakdowns too much on the external again john. You mentioned jonathan. He's definitely a pinpointed that the depression a lot of these anxiety issues are teenage girls. It's they get a big run of a lot of the mental health issues because of the the online presence and bullying and stuff. I can't imagine what it's like to be a young person online right. Now in the world just as unsettled as it is and growing up and feeling like the adults are just as afraid and histrionic and confused as the average teenager as and looking around and not really feeling like there's any real sense of truth or any real any real direction that makes sense. And i definitely understand you know when you do start. I have this ongoing joke of like we must feed the algorithm. We must feed the algorithm in like this little. I imagine the algorithm. Is this little troll under a bridge you need to kind of pay tribute to in order to get and once you're once you're in that even youtube is a great example. Because i wasn't. I wasn't willing to go on youtube until i could be consistent. Which i know is part of what makes something like youtube successful. If you're going to go on there and you see analytically you know people who will look at the analytics. When when i'll just i get second hand reports about analytics like how's it doing. But you can absolutely see. I can see just then subscribers or t shirt sales. There's a big jump when you feed the algorithm. So i can understand that that pressure to keep giving the content and keep feeding it with more and i think it contributes to a lot of the breakdowns. You see with signing these influence. I mean intra. You're right like a drug pusher will give you more drugs like if you if you have the money to drug pusher. We'll give more drugs. The drug pushers not saying you know what i'm cutting you off. You know like like. I really care about you and your well being. I don't want you to get addicted. You know like you know how. How many drug dealers say that you know. I mean you hear about this in the rooms of recovery beaches usually. You're driving your drug dealer insane. And they're like leave me alone. You have a problem. That's so it does occur but yeah there's not in the digital realm. There's not much of it as somebody who does wrestle with addiction. It is something. I absolutely have to watch out for and that dopamine had that you're getting and the refreshing and i'll all the Rewards you get in the way that it's made so that it's you just never know you know it's not i forget what the term is like. It comes in at different times. It's not like you get one hundred legs every hour you get. Sometimes it's like a thousand and sometimes There's a term for this edson in. Yeah it's intermittent reinforcement intermittent. Yeah enforcement all designed to get us hooked and i and even just from the perspective of like let's take very simple metric like followers. There's i know it will never be enough doesn't matter i can have brianna lovely followings and it will not satisfy that desire for more and so that peace is something i really have to do a shit load a work around pretty daily on a daily basis. You know i'm looking. I'm listening to you. And i'm like you sound like you have your head your head on your shoulders here but i've heard i've some quotes from you from some of your other other interviews that i just wanna read some things you've said you said quote. I'm an after school special in real life. He said i feel like i'm in a giant game of improv. Another one thing you said is growing up. I didn't know what my values were. And i guess that was growing up with a religious family. You didn't know what your own personal values were right. Yeah i think i had. I had good. Values instilled in the sense that i had really great manners. I knew now to her people. I just those kind of basic ones. I think when i say that i mean more More in the perspective now being in the weird kinder space. That i'm in. What are the values that i would kind of die for. You know what. What are the hills. I will die on and i don't think that i thought through in terms of just the culture wars are in terms of the culture or how i was in my twenties i really am a bleeding heart liberal still my default reaction to every single news story is really. It really is just like that. Is my factory settings. I was born and raised. A blueblood liberal. I at everything i oughta medically. It's still something i have to really. I know my bias. I know that i'm coming from an egg always The place that although i've lost a lot of trust than in anything that's being presented by. I think that i come from a place of wanting to feeling like only the left wing cares about people and the right way. Doesn't you know attached. Just where i grew up in came from and and that is a weird cultural value to hold because it other is is so it. That's not a word but other rises so many of my countrymen and what. I realized that i do think most people care. You know about other people and it's just going about helping those people in different ways and what's the best way to actually help people in most it in the media just and politics seems like lip service where people are just being used as populations the kind of manipulate and fight with each other. So i don't even believe that anyone trying to help anyone on that kind of bigger the the parade or the show that we get from our from from the media and our politicians but on the individual level. I don't think that i really ever considered. What free speech was. you know. i didn't go to college. i was drunk for like most of my twenties. And i do feel like i came out of a blackout and then got thrown into a giant game of improv. Which there have been moments where i'm like. What like glenn going on glenn beck. Show is a perfect example. I remember sitting across the room and having a moment being like. Wow this improv. Game has taken on a life of its own. You know you're like yes. And now i'll go and i it's all been i don't know it's been super wild and interesting because i've i've i've really had to kind of Grow up publicly. And i'm not. I'm going to get allow wrong a lot. Hey everyone i'm really excited to announce that athletic greens is a sponsor of this podcast. Athletic greens is the most comprehensive daily nutritional beverage. I've ever tried. I've been using their product. Religiously the past seven years or so and it consistently makes me feel healthier and more energized throughout the day. I can't recommend this product enough. It's incredible how much less my mood. I treat drinking athletic. 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Go getters around the world who make a daily commitment to their health every day again simply visit athletic greens dot com slash psychology. And get your free year. Supply of lightermen d. And five three travel packs today care one quick thing before we move on with this episode. Doing this podcast for you. All is one of my greatest privileges but the cost of maintaining a professional production. Like this one really adds a. I'm grateful today. Sponsors who helped fund the show. But if you prefer an ad free experience and would also like early access to new episodes. You can join us at patriotic dot com slash podcast. You'll get early access and completely ad free episodes all while directly supporting the show for as little as five dollars a month. that's patriot dot com slash podcast. Okay let's get back to the show that humility Just to circle back on the political things you were saying. Diesel is still. Describe yourself as politically homeless. Yeah i don't feel like anyone represents really and maybe there's some i feel more libertarian. I guess than anything else. But i don't really know what that means. I mean i guess mike right libertarians. You've left libertarians. It's like a lot of varieties. Yeah i am not really sure. I know that i i want less government and i know that i. I'm with nicholas. V saying you know. I want less government doing the things that they do better than. They're doing them like doing a few things well. I live in california's you know. And it seems like we have the biggest government of any of the states. And i drive around and and it doesn't i don't i feel like cardi b. You know like where's my money. That's a conversation. I'd like to see on your podcast. You in cardi b. She's fascinating to me but yeah Yeah i don't know it's it's it's so it's weird to be in the position of. I understand like for example. There's there's so much anger in the streets right now. Know they're much of it. I think is justifiable. Some of it. And i think conservatives have the desire to be like wow look at the facts and it's like okay. That is good but we still have to address. There are some like big fundamental problems that we can't just ignore either and as somebody who's a bleeding liberal at heart. I'll see you know videos of a mother crying and a community pain. And i'm like that's real pain that therein this doesn't like manufactured you know. They're these their communities that have been disadvantaged and looked over and have been treated differently and to ignore that is is just ridiculous mandates. Y sometimes feel like on on the on the right. There's this tendency to want to kind of factual. Is everything away. Which i also understand because being the person of of like coming from a a liberal background and being thrown into this crazy culture war and now having to evaluate every story like okay. We're gonna pies even if my automatic reaction to this is like. Are you fucking kidding. Me again again with us. Even if that's my just default reaction. I have to take a stab and pause and breathe and way for more information and and not and try and reasonably evaluate things. But i mean. I think everyone's just reacting right now. All across the board. You've heard our culture is so reactive. Yeah i have a whole list of culture from you so you will. You've called that commodified outrage. That's what you've referred to but also even just in our twitter. Dm's i have a quote here from you. Histrionic disorders are running rampant. Do you are these linked. A you know some of that out at so hard because some of the outrageous real unjustified. And i don't want to minimize that some of it is being absolutely amplified. It doesn't seem like there's any incentive for anyone to dial it down not politicians not the media not the individual because we live in a society where victimhood is now something that you can you can make money off of. You obviously get more control over your population. If they're divided and fighting with each other you obviously have to have two sides fighting one. Another if you're in the kind of talking had pundit media space where you need back and forth to keep your little grievance making machines going. And i mean everybody's being sold grievances edge. Just everyone no no one. No one is immune to that Really and myself included. I have to. I have to watch watch it too. But and then you have the like social media thrown on top of all of this and people. Just it's like bad overacting. Everyone's become a method actor where they're like and now i got my shot and i cried tears of joy and relief tears of sadness tears rage. It's like just get your fucking sorry. Just get your shot and like go home you know. I don't know it just seems so melodramatic history. It is history onyx. It's and i one of my favorite things on dumpster. Fire is foul astray onyx. I love like fo our the. That's my favorite thing to do on that show. It's way where. I can express this kind of fake outrage because it seems it's so funny it comes from everywhere you just see all of the x. Insanely jake you'll photos. I asked if you were in clubhouse and he said no it's trap house in the bible that made me laugh my friend well by the way i can't take no my friend i will. I can't take credit for that. But i also i can't out by mind but i feel the same way but but you know i feel like there's a lot of material here if you were on clubhouse because there's a freeze that I heard so news the other day. There's a lot of trauma don't being is what it's called trauma dumping clubhouse but the thing is if you're a moderator and i like to moderate welcoming rooms etc you'll get an a lot of trouble if someone's trauma jumping in you dismiss it or you you don't give him a full hearing or you don't show a lot of concern you know and say thanks so much for vulnerability but what's difficult sometimes from moderate perspectives as you want to keep things moving you like. Let's say you're having a just a discussion like a great discussion intellectual or a great discussion advancing things in the and someone just like comes in and trauma dumps for like twenty minutes. It's it's so it's actually quite disruptive to the you know to the conversation now. i feel. That's even insensitive saying that. You know what i mean. It's like it's like. I heard myself saying that. And i'm like that's how sensitive but there's a time and place for trauma dumping i guess is what i'm saying. That does context matter anymore. Yes it should matter. I don't know that it does because again we take everything out of context. I am so my experience with clubhouse. I got in early ish probably or even earlier than i could have probably got an earlier. Reid responded to any of any of the emails but I got in. And i was listening and my husband. Who's also therapist was listening with me. I was like you gotta check this out. This is wild. And he's like this group therapy. Mike one of the roads and so i started joke and then it turned into a struggle session so i was like clubhouse comfort the group stay for the struggle session. It was so bizarre. It was bizarre to me. If felt so let you know i started feeling guilty because i felt like a voyeur in this very and yeah like my husband was saying there so much therapy language being used holding space. You know re like the trauma. And i mean that the one that i never ever forgot was this woman who dared to utter. That speech might not be violence and a room and then she got booted. And then i stayed and i was listening to everybody and they were holding space and they had to processor trauma from her even suggesting. That speech might not be violence. I know a lot of people might have been traumatized by those words blah blah. I was like wow. This is like being in a zoo. earn asylum. i didn't even know. Feel like if i start feeling guilty because i'm like oh this is Taking a tour through these rooms of the mentally ill. I don't know what's really happening here or rehab at felt a lot like rehab when you're in group therapy and i just i don't know it's weird to me to have groups of people talking about that seven processing at kind of publicly on stage because it does feel very much like group therapy but it's group therapy for an audience and again. This is kind of performative histrionics and then the woman so in this room. She got kicked out for saying that and then they let her back in and then this is when it shifted from group therapy to struggle session and they said they let her back in as long as she apologized and she dead but then she didn't apologize the way that they demanded and and like so they kicked her out again and then they let her come back again to try yet. I mean it was painful to listen to a lot of to her traumatic to her to be kicked. But it's also just it's so performative all of feels so performance to me but at lake are saying some of this. I didn't know you see a lot of this. Kind of i've been mobbed by a lot of of this kind of i don't know there's some part of it that woke something whatever term you want to use but i've been mobbed by pretty much. Every group on twitter like from the jordan peterson glades. The eli mazda. the keough to the donald trump maga- people to the far left in an anti five. I mean all of them at one point or another. They've come after me and this particular group of people i didn't. I thought i see people tweeting. Like this. And i really didn't think that it was real but then here on club I realize oh. No this is real. It's not just something someone's tweeting. They really talk like this in real life it was. It was wild. How do you separate like A performative history onyx from Like sometimes i see it a little bit differently. Sometimes i see it as like a cry for help like sahlin. Who wants yeah. They want attention and that is might be literally true but like they. They want attention because they don't feel like a lot of people have been listening to them. You know yeah so. It's not necessarily a bad thing to want attention. You know right. I mean now we mean you want attention all sorts of ways right like all cultures. Cry for help right right. So how do you put. Yes and it's it's a shame it's sad it's sad you know like but so how can we like listen to each other more but also like i feel like i hear what you're saying about the Performative aspects sometimes. But then sometimes. I don't think there's a performative aspect sometimes a tribute performance aspect to some situations. That are not. Do you know what i mean right. No that's true. And i think even the performance aspect there is a kernel of truth in it and this is part of what is so challenging about are the process of mediation. So this is my the book. I always referred to pretty much every guest which is by thomas ango tita mediated and he talks about you. Know what is real. What is real real and in this world where we're all commodities and we're all being flattered constantly because everything is being personalized for us everywhere we go. Why wouldn't we think that we can micromanage the language of everyone around us. And why wouldn't we think that we can micromanage the environment and it makes sense that these younger generations who grew up with iphones in their hand. I phones to think that they could world and now you're seeing tons of people even like this whole idea of the vaccines which is fine. I think there should be a healthy amount of science backing up. Why it's important to be a guinea pig and take this vaccine. Some generations gotta do it. But the wanting to micromanage every person in your environment and make sure that their vaccine vaccinated. That is cr- like a weird level of crazy to me. That doesn't seem crazy to younger people. And i wonder if it's purely just a generational thing where they're just used to having environments and technologies that bend to their will. We recently started hosting the psychology podcast on anchor and it's been such a delightful experience for us if you haven't heard about her. It's the easiest way to make a podcast beside it. Being completely free anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on spotify apple podcast and many more platforms. Also they make it really easy to make money from your podcast with no minimal listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast. All one place. This has been super helpful. Oversaw mike me just so many things to juggle at once and has so much to keep track of anchors. A huge relief for me. It's really great. Download the free. Ankara app or go to anchor dot. Fm to get started today. I'd like to take a moment. Talk about one of our sponsors curable ever since the pandemic kit. I've been spending a lot of my free time outdoors. I really enjoy getting fresh air on my hikes through the hills and my runs on the beach. That is when i'm not experiencing back pain. Every now and then i pushed myself too hard and pay the consequences for a few days. Makes me have great empathy for my mom who suffers from chronic hip pain on an almost daily basis. 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Podcast we thank curable for sponsoring the show. Well you said a lot of great things there but one thing is. I've never never occurred to me. The the i part in the iphone is pretty narcissistic. Or we self-centered what if steve jobs called the. We phone without of changed. Everything i mean. Maybe that's really that that would be. Yeah but he just knew how humans were. No one's buying a we've found that's a funny. No one's buying a we phone bridget fantasy. No you're right about human nature is that it's more attractive. It's like iphone. But but i put it. i like. It was the first time that ever dawned on me. You know like there's an eye there you know. Yeah all of these things. it's not. Yeah it's it's funny. I was i was reading I save a lot of old magazines. And i've been working on trying to get my book and some form to try and sell in shop and one of the magazines i saved was right around. I think it was right around two thousand and it was the generation. The me legno was what they called. It was a new york times magazine and it was all about just then narcissistic generation. That was coming up with all of the technology and then social media through kind of you know we are all our own little empires now and you. You see everything kind of fragmenting which anyone probably could have predicted if they had thought I mean you to all of it. It's all this process. I'm not sure. I can understand why people are feeling so Anxious and depressed and restless because it is much external validation that everyone's clamoring for constantly and in between projecting our own insecurities into these little doom boxes constantly. And then we're reacting to everybody's projected insecurities. I mean i think we talk a lot about mental health and give lip service to it but we really need to start doing the work to take care of our own mental health and generally that means lagging out. Going line taking breaks being active. You know i was looking at this whole study the other day about how much way people gained in the pandemic told me. It's crazy though. Because i was online. You know when you go on youtube. One of the my favorite rabbit holes is like the working out rabbit holes and i know how people are. I understand how people can gain weight. But there's no excuse. There's so much free workout nog. It's never been easier to get an education to Go work out in your home. It's never been easier to do with so many of these things in it really does show how constitutionally lazy we are on some level all of us i would like to blame the algorithms but it's not just that it's i know my as better when i don't wake up and started scrolling. I know that does that. Mean i don't do it. Seventy percent of the time now. Yeah i mean. I think about this all the time. Believe it or not i think i think but i mean look we we. We know like that eating that cheeseburger is not going to make us healthy like we know like we basically know what to do to be healthy like you know like work out like eat but why does no do it. Except these like super freaks like these trainers. You know it's weird to me. This is something. I contemplate all the time because it seems to fly in the face of darwin i just. I don't understand why it's so hard to do stuff. That's good for us. I need somebody to explain. This man is and that is accurate. I could try. I mean maybe. We'll wait till i'm on your podcast. You can ask me the evolutionary psychology of why people don't do things that are good for them 'cause interesting conversation that'd be an interesting data. Jimmy did tari gone delman. Explain to you know. I would like the podcast to explain. It's great awesome. I know that they did a study pretty recently in the past couple of years and showed that even when even people who like the gym experience some kind of resistance before they go. Because from an evolutionary perspective you're supposed to be conserving energy. You're not supposed to be like expending all that. This is their theory. They think it's because you're just wired to only exert energy when you absolutely have to. And so the thought of exerting energy for no reason there is like a fundamental basic resistance even for people who are jim rats love. That's an interesting hypothesis i i. I'm not convinced by that by that Sometimes people tell really elaborate joe with. They're called just so stories. You know to explain things that That aren't really grounded in science. Because you know it takes a lot of energy i mean. Perhaps there's something to it because it takes a lot of energy expenditure to think you know you burn a lotta calories just thinking you know so maybe so that could maybe help explain why we're lazy in terms of thinking as you know like it's it's a lot easier to just be like veg out karen my brain to pudding tiktok. What do you mean on tiktok i. I'm not. I'm forty two years old first of all my my young nephews are on tiktok. Take its children had ninety spied. It's chinese spyware not sending. You might take dance videos then. It turns your brain to pudding phil phil assaulted for violating violating thank so violence pro pro so proud of my tiktok dance video speeches. No that's an injury speeches violence things. Should we double click on that because that's a really interesting one though. A lot of people are saying that these days i'm i'm trying to think of it from the psychological you know Clinical perspective I'll tell you. Mike told me your theory. Not enough. people have been punched in the face of our office. Oh my gosh. Yes so i i get. You're doing violence. Yeah i mean i think. Violence is violence and speech is generally one of the ways we can tone down. you know. it's it's one of the ways we can find our way out of ending up in fisticuffs. I mean we can find our way into it with just talking. Shit i come from east coast but you can i. I would hope that we would be allowed conversations that even if there are two guys who are kinda get into it and they're about to fight in a bar there's always someone else with their with their language. Like come on come on you know. We use language to to tone it down. Hopefully and i guess you can use it to dial things up. But it's not. It's not i don't see it as Actual violence to me. It just seems like a very easy and manipulative. Way to control people. Which is why i don't like it. Because who determines what speeches violence if there's no way to discern what is actually violence and what speech is violence who gets to be the arbiter what speeches violent. It's it's a shape shifting form. Then nobody can really grasp and changes every single day. And that's my biggest problem with it as now it's now you're you're taking this thing and using it to Manipulate people and and or cancel people which is a term like. Never wanna talk about again or you won't ask that question but cancel. We'll just bored with the conversation. Just yeah people injured after trump. And they're like oh cancel. Welcome welcome to twenty fifteen guys like some of us have been having this conversation for like five years. I'm glad that you can have it now. That trump is gone. The rest of us are sick of it. it's a really good point and And with the words or violence thing. I just want to circle back for secondly from a psychology perspective. We know that psychological avoidance. Or what's called. Experiential avoidance is a big predictor of mental illness. You know like mental health health Is not served. You're not like we'd have mental health. If you are always treating everything is something you need to avoid or something. You need to fear or something. That's a threat. You know you start to move towards what you fear and become curious about it. And that's when you start to bit by bit on engage more with the world and with yourself so we so. I think that there is there. Is you know the thing which that's promise trigger warnings you know is it's it's it's teaching people that they should fear words and should fear engaging in ideas that makes them uncomfortable and things of that nature But but you could see you know in terms of more severe things though so sad most post traumatic stress disorder Some words can you can see. How can it can trigger automatically. They didn't they didn't ask to be triggered but just because of the way our human amid daloa works braver. That fear response yeah and verbal abuse is real. That's a real thing that happens. You can verbally abuse somebody. But i don't i still don't think it's the same as physically abusing someone. There needs to be a sub that those things are different. It's just it's a different experience entirely. And i'm not saying one is better or worse. In many ways. I think psychological manipulation and psychological abuse can be much harder to heal from in some ways than even physical trauma. Because it's not as obvious but it's still not it's just there if we don't have a separation of those things if there's no difference between words and violence what we i feel like. We're that is catastrophic for society. Yeah yeah i'll leave that point there. It's a good point. I have some more later questions for you later. Ashley what was it like being on curb your enthusiasm. That was really fun. It was really one of those where i was reminded i moved to. La and the dreams. I had of moving to la on a on a totally small-time level but it was That was i think the most. I love the show i love. I jokingly always say that. I only wanna play a hostess or waitress and anything that i'm ever in because that was what i did for so many years and so it was to be able to just play myself in many ways and it was a really fun episode. I didn't know that. I got to be and the somebody joked they're like they did was the direction that the director gave. You just do what you do on twitter. As i like leading them to the mag add like i. I see your point That's not what i do on twitter about. I get a funny joke and yeah it was fine. You know it's fun to like. Be and make up and and get your makeup and hair done and be talking. The get moved around by the like it the. Pa is in have them offer you water and food and be in the. It's just so cool. I mean that. That was what i hope to do. When i moved out here was to create stuff and make stories that make people laugh and ed's at you know you catch me at a time in my life. If i was really to be totally real where. I am definitely struggling with where i find myself in relationship to why i came out here and i feel that i keep taking steps in the direction of being some kind of accidental pundit and i really just would rather be a comedian or a writer because i didn't really i'm not like some victim of the culture wars obviously my big mouth and tweeted myself into the center of this this crab but said yes the people having me on their shoulders and talking And i feel like i. I'm so grateful for the people that i've been able to meet through through this but i think being on that show is just a reminder that that that's really what i that was my intention when i came out here. You know that that was my dream was to just be writing on one of those shows are be be on a show or and it was so in some ways it was amazing and another way it was it was kind of bittersweet just to enforce me to recognize you know maybe i'm a little bit farther off the path. Then i write. I realize i wouldn't say maybe that's not my path because that's not how i would frame the situation at all. I mean you're you're living. You're living your karma and it's so obvious to me there's there's a there's a beautiful unfolding of self actualization happening right in front of my eyes. I've been on the search for the perfect mattress for the past few years. And let me tell you. I've gone through so many mattresses. My friends have made fun of me because for so long. I didn't actually own a mattress. Just went through so many free trials. I'd no idea what it feels like to be. Well rested until i tried a helix mattress. Are you not able to sleep because of stress and anxiety. 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I took the quiz and i was matched with the helix sunset lux because i wanted something that felt soft and i sleep mostly on my side all night. I've got to say. I love my heel mattress. I wake up really feeling refreshed and ready to workout or start. My work also been tracking my sleep with a device and my sleep scores consistently in the good or excellent range is a new thing for me. So it's really exciting to finally get high quality sleep and really do off helix. But you don't want to take my word for it. It looks was awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of two thousand twenty by g. q. Wired magazine and apartment. Therapy just go to helixsleep dot com slash psychology. Take their two minute sleep quiz. And they'll match you to a customized mattress that will give you the best leap of your life a ten year warranty. And you get to try out for one hundred nights risk-free they'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it but you probably will right now. Helix is offering up to two hundred dollars off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep dot com slash psychology. Get up to two hundred dollars off all mattress or and two free pillows at helixsleep dot com slash psychology. That's helixsleep dot com slash psychology. Gay now back to this show So what was it like Wearing a tucker carlson shirt for a week in l. a. that was fun people People either didn't know him at all. I think more people would know him now than before because it was pretty early in the in the And a lot of people just gave me dirty looks. it's funny. How escalated its. That seems so quaint. An adorable now because then it was the magara hats and then it was the Masks and now it feels like anything can be used as something that people will give you. Dirty looks for so i. I'm mark concerned with you. Know it was a fun. Experiment control of the los angeles population. But it was also just very revealing as to people liked it too. And i think they felt like they were being represented you know. They're like representations matters. And i feel like they saw 'cause i think so. Many people in la are underground in there either libertarian or centre-right or even right wing beliefs because they just in general to kind of survive in the in the in the You know you know how it is and the community. Kind of just do i feel like they. Just don't talk about what they believe and they don't push back. They just kind of listen when people are talking about politics. And now i've started to learn you. Know who who. The underground libertarian. Or republicans are at any social situation. 'cause they're the ones just like nodding their head and not talking matt agreeing but not talking either again. I'm not gonna push back on this so it was. it was an interesting spearman I'm you know. I like to be mischievous there. Is that part of me. That just likes pushing buttons. I think it's funny. There's a picture of you like. There's a picture of really funny picture of you right. You know the picture. I'm talking. I mean that there's a picture me from today. That came out that firm dumpster fires Thumbnail that we use. Because i have. Yeah yeah that's That was my this. Is my vaccine passport base. Now didn't you. Did you get the vaccine today. is that right. i did get it today. Mrs. he does historical Bush i got her brexit today. Like this is a big deal microchip today. Congratulations thank you. I i Yeah i mean. I was like guard. Sweet whatever i am so whatever about it don't know because i'm not going to hide it. I'm not going to announce it be. I understand why people are announcing because they want people to encourage people to go do it. But i completely understand why somebody would not want to do it and why they would have hesitations i i. I wish we had more at the problem. Get accused of being little. Miss both sides in trying to both sides. Everything like it's not a freaking curse. It's not it's like it's some deck that it's an act. it's not. I really can understand how people are getting to the place that they're getting to i. Can i can see why someone might be looting. Even why somebody would feel so. I don't necessarily have to agree with something to try and understand how somebody might get to that place where you're wearing horns at the capitol like i. I'm fascinated by psychology. I wanna know how the that part of me. That's curious about Humanity wants to know how how people. I just wish that i was my superpower. I wish i could just jump in anyone's body and understand why they're doing what they're doing and thinking they're thinking any any time and i wish that we could approach all of these situations with a little bit more compassion instead of just the default that everybody has like shame. Everybody jayme shea. i don't it such of. It's such a functional. It really is quite Effective tool at bullying people. I agree agree. Especially if you're especially if you're like an empathetic person you're talking about your most vulnerable if you're an empathetic person because you it will hit you the most if you feel like you hurt. Someone's feelings right and they say right. You know like it's almost like the assholes are kinda really winning in this in this space. Yeah i forget what. I was crying about the other night. When i went to bed and i was like people just think. Oh it was. Because i had that i'm i'm very. I'm like pro vaccine anti vaccine for it. I just don't like the idea of it. It creeps me out. I think that all of these institutions can't be trusted with any more power information than they already have. And that's really kind of where i fall on. It and i wrote a piece and people were telling me that i want people to die and i went to bed and i was crying. You know i set my by the end of the night. I was and i be lying if i i said. I have a pretty thick skin. Definitely after being in the thunderdome for five years. Now i guess or more six seven I definitely take stuff in you know i. I don't because i don't want to hurt anybody and i. I really sometimes have to ask myself the question. I remember when i was really coming into Right wing media. Where i just started. They were the only people who even have a conversation with me about anything during the two thousand during the whole trump ears. Nobody on the left wanted to hear. Hey why do you feel like you're being kicked out of the left wing. And so i would just go and have these conversations but then i was it was like m i really was like am. I heard him people. Am i hurting populations. I mean i feel like puny stupid. Little me doesn't have that much power first of all but second of all i don't i don't wanna hurt so i just wanna i wanna talk to people and understand where they're coming from and I don't i don't like it when people fight as much as i love pushing people's buttons which i realize an inconsistency reese i think it's kinda funny that's more playful though. I don't want to do like a mad. But i hate it. It is like that. I talked to John would junior about this. Just being a child of divorce and the oldest of five and growing up with all the fighting and then more fighting with my mom and my stepdad. I just don't. I want everybody to be okay. You know i. I don't like the constan conflict. America feels like my operating right. Now i hate it i. I couldn't agree with you more. And i mean i feel like you know. I think we both use humor. Toll there you know. it's it's a real superpower. You know that the not talking about it. No one's talking about how humor is a superpower for for a for. These really serious divides that we're seeing Because it's a way of showing everyone how we're all absurd. You know like and we need to do more Which lessons from aa. Do you think. American politics could benefit from you know. Yeah well one admit you ever problem. It's not something's not functioning right I feel like the individual. It's more on the individual level. Even then the. I just wish there was like a a twelve step program just for our life you know. I think that this is why people gravitate to guys. Like jordan peterson because he offers a certain amount of framework. And there's you know. I was thinking about something earlier when we were talking. Just how when we were talking about. Why's it so hard to do the things that you don't want to do. And when i first got sober. I basically had to treat every day like opposite day. I had to do the things. I didn't wanna do and avoid doing the things i wanted to do. And that was my reality for many many many many there early two years i would say and someone gave me a great quote that i pretty much live by now. Which is you can't think your way into new actions but you can act your way into different thinking and it's just habit building and i love that it's so true i'm like you're not gonna think your way out of losing weight. You have to actually do something differently and do it over. And over and over again until that thing becomes a habit and it's not easy to do those things it was getting sober is. I always say it's the hardest thing i've ever done and the best thing i've ever done but if it it a boy did it. Teach me a lot about just dealing with the you know interacting with the world and knowing where i'm powerless like that that is that is something that is so empowering which i realize this paradox but there is something so empowering about recognizing. I can't control really anything. I can control what i eat. I always say this. I troy media diet my actual diet if i'm getting exercise. What kind of person am i am i to the immediate people am i. Am i being kind to am. I a good daughter. Sister aunt you know am i reaching out and caring about people. Am i waking up. And asking when i can give to the world. Those are things. I can control everything else. Not even results my work. I can't control any of it. The response my work the results of it. How many likes anything. Gad's how many olive is. Just all of that is completely out of control as well as generally what's going on in the culture war what's going on in the in our politics. What's going on in the world. What's going on with the weather. You know i just. There's it's like ninety. Nine percent of everything going on in this moment is pretty much autumn. I draw and the things that are out of your control. you're not victims of. That's the interesting step that you're making their. I think you're saying these things are out of my control. But i'm still not going to let them be you know Victimize me now. Because i if i had that mentality i would be not sitting here talking to you. I that there's many things that have happened in my history choices. I made but also things that were completely out of my control that had i bought into the idea that it was something that was happening to me forever. You know this was such that. I if i bought into that victimhood mentality than i would not be here. I have a great therapist. She's always like stop asking what's happening to you and start asking what's happening for you and i love that because i have. Yeah she's the best she's not. She's not traditional show. She's she's not the kind of their both. Like tell me how you think about that. That's a bad idea to keep surreal india. Yeah she's so real. I love her. I need that. I need someone. Who's gonna you need. I mean i need someone. Who's not gonna coddle me and who's gonna call me out on my bs. I also have siblings. Who are really great at. That does something. I never got as a child of was being an only child You're an only child being. I never got that by me. I missed that. I missed it. You know but i mean it has it's ups and downs. It's not all when you left it there. That's a huge advantage. Life that's true. Oh bridget look. I absolutely adore you. And just want to end this podcast by saying A really glad that you came on the psychology podcast. You made the show not not a friendly family show anymore. But i'm joking. I'm joking now. You can add it on me. All the cuss words. Okay curse no. I'm going to keep them in. I'll put it in the the explicit rating but so hard and sometimes it just comes out but no be you. This is one stay. Stay stay you be you Thank you so much delight chatting with you today. Thank you for having me. Thanks for listening to this episode of the psychology. Podcast if you'd like to react in some way to something you heard. I encourage you to join in the discussion at the psychology. Podcasts dot com. That's the psychology podcast dot com. Also if he'd prefer a completely ad experience amid like early access to new episodes you can join us at he. Trion dot com slash podcast. Thanks for being such a great supporter of the show and tune in next time for more on the mind brain behavior and creativity.

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Guy Kawasaki - How To Be An Evangelist As A Career

The Hustle & Flowchart Podcast

1:00:21 hr | 4 months ago

Guy Kawasaki - How To Be An Evangelist As A Career

"Evangelists comes from a word meaning bringing the good news. So i brought the good news of macintosh making people more creative and productive. I am bringing the good news of canada how it will make a better communicator. Because they can create great graphics. That's what an evangelist does now. Salesperson is primarily concerned with his or her income quota and bonus but evangelist is concerned also with the wellbeing of the customer. The opposite person boom boom boom punch boom. What's up everybody. You're listening to the and flow chart podcast schmo wolf and joe. What's up what's up. Aren't we have guy kawasaki on the episode today. This is respectful superfund. He's an amazing guy. You're gonna love him. His stories are amazing. His perspectives are unique and the guy has just a colorful background interesting. Everything i think you're gonna just really love it if you don't know guy you're going to get to know him quickly. He's authored fifteen books. All the way from very popular book called art of the start and books actually really like enchantment was one of my favorite. His latest book is wise guy. He was actually the original evangelist. He's he's one that popularized it. In kind of the business culture. He worked for apple. And right. Along with steve jobs. So that's probably where you might have heard of him now. He's working with companies like canada in a whole bunch of others. He's just an amazing guy. You're gonna fall in love with him. I think in this episode and get ready to cass. Switch your perspectives of a lot of things. He really has that unique. Look on things. So you're definitely gonna wanna the action guides of this episode or taking them as always for you just hop on over the flu. Chart group dot com. That's going to ask you a couple questions. It's actually giving you into our facebook community but at the same time as long as you plug in your email address within two weeks of this episode going live you will get the action guide of this episode. So head over to flow chart group dot com. You're going get the guy action guide and you know what that's all. I got for it right now. So let's go chat with guy. Kawasaki it roll it guy. Thank you very much for being here with us today. My pleasure and honor and privilege. I'm lisa by give. Shout out to her which is a mutual friend of ours and she hooked us up with the connection to you. And she's like you're gonna love guy everyone communities gonna love him as well so have a chat and here we are. That's right we are. I think i think i saw you speak it Blog world expo. Which i don't even know if that's a thing anymore but back in had to have been around two thousand eleven ish maybe in la. And ever since. I saw you speak i it was. It was around the time. I think he did. The i think you had a book called ape or ap. yeah and. i think it was around the time that that book came out and ever since we saw that presentation i'm like man. I want to get him on the podcast day Full circle moment for us. Sure waited long enough. We just found the right people as well. Okay yeah i mean you used to have such a fascinating history and to you are not a guy where your story because it's going to probably take a while so that's not do that but have you have you perfected the thirty second like. Hey no one has ever heard of guy How would you present yourself man. If i can't do an elevator pitch myself can right so case so we'll start in the clock on grill. I'm looking okay so my name's guy kawasaki. I'm chief evangelist of candidates. An online graphic design. It's an online graphic design service from sydney australia. I'm also created a remarkable people. Podcast i used to be chief evangelist of apple and i was on the board of trustees of wikipedia. I'm also the author of fifteen books. That's amazing and the chief evangelist the evangelist term. I know that's the stint that has basically translated in everything you've done and you beasley coined that term. Well there was jesus before me. Don't get point. He was pretty thousand year. Gap somehow guy. You took the ring. It was a tough after follow. I mean you're right in a lot of books you got that check mark of it too. Yeah ospel according to guy wise guy right one well speaking it. Are you working on others. Fifteen books last one twenty nineteen fourteen times. I've said i'm never writing another book. So i don't know how the hell i wrote. Fifteen books back told me if you had told me one thousand nine hundred eighty seven. When i did my first book you're going to write fourteen more out of your nuts but i i. I don't think i'm going to write another one. Because i like podcasting so much like podcasting more. Tell me about that because that is one of our questions of remarkable. So i think that podcast first of all. It's much more timely. So if something happens last week next week's podcast address that as opposed to the year and a half delay on a book and with a book you get one advance in three transfers. But with the podcast you can charge every week sponsor or advertiser forever and as your podcast gets more successful. You can charge more whereas with a book. Yeah you're getting a flat two or three bucks ever and and you know it just depends on the. The trajectory of the book podcast. It's much more flexible. can do many more things. I don't think it's easier to do than a book. Because the podcasts requires i think as much eddie book at least the way. I do podcast. Well what. I'd be curious because everyone has their own style about podcasting and we have our own. Our format gives us the. What's your what's your for flow rep. Look like yeah the show. How do you think of it. So today i interviewed somebody. I did two or three hours of research on her many times. The people i'm interviewing have written a book so i read the book. Sometimes i read the previous books of two books. I probably put in three to five hours of prep for every guest. So did you put five hours of prep into me. I actually i. I would be inching right around that i. I'm not gonna lie okay. Coach bounce all over the place. I want to see everything. Like the ted talk ebola. Twenty of them. it seems. Yeah so so there's that so let's say three three hours or so for each guest. Then there's the one hour interview and then we take two soundtracks and the sound engineer puts them together and upload them to descript do use descript retail so we upload to descript and then i take the first pass edit at this grip because i hate filler words and i hate when people repeat themselves so my i think my job is to make the person look and sound as remarkable as possible which can often take out. I've had instances where in one hour the guest says. You know two hundred times right. So i take those out as opposed to other podcasts. Who just believe in turning it on and letting people here exactly how it went down. I edit so i spent a couple of hours editing and then i give it to the sound designer. Then he goes and he spent another four or five hours. Editing often undoing. My edit. Because i edit too heavily and then he adds the sound than the music and all that kind of stuff so now it's quote unquote done and then take fitzpatrick takes over and does the marketing on the day of announcement which is another five hours. So there's probably fifteen hours per hour of finish broader. It's a it's a masterpiece rona. Hit play for the very first time. I was listening to the tim. Ferriss podcast which you don't get tim on many other podcasts out so yeah so yeah it congrats to you on one. That's amazing thank you. It was amazing. Also get him out of his mold. You know yeah definitely recommend everyone. Listen to that one on your show but immediately hit play. I was like this sounds just next level. Not just the quality of the intro. I forget how it goes now but it it. Yeah doesn't sound like a podcast intro. Some thought oh. My god. I i write all the intro. I write out the altro. Listen the secret to my success in life is grit and hard work. It's not because you know. It's dunno natural visionary kind of stuff so it was like my podcast is the joe rogan. Podcast right sure. So i think it's the other benefits i mean. It seems like you show up the way that i know you've heard said many times is getting lucky is better than being smart. You know yes kind of lean into that more if you think. The podcast is part of that. It's almost like showing up in this person's world consistently it's you you really it really. It's it's a skill to figure out what to ask a person. And i kind of believe that. I was just born for podcasts. 'cause i can. I can conduct an interesting conversation with almost anybody today. Today i interviewed a plastic surgeon from beverly hills. Like that's not exactly like interviewing steve wozniak. So that's a whole different wheelhouse there. So what's your approach to questioning then. Because i know everyone has a different approach there as well. Well my approach to questioning is to just figure out. I don't know how the questions pop into my head. I mean either. So i i am interviewing a. This is a real unusual case. I mean viewing beverly hills plastic surgeon. And i asked her you like. Do you ever turn down cases. Why and what do you do with people who come in and they have. What's called b. Dd which is body. Dismore for something you know. These are people who just kind of addicted to plastic surgery and and they think. Oh you know this. This two centimeter lump on my cheek. Everybody staring at it but really people don't even notice it and so i asked those kinds of questions I i don't ask typical questions in the sense of so you know what makes you remarkable. Can you tell us how you became remarkable What what do you feel strongly about. Now what what makes you feel. Good how do you. I don't ask questions that sorta look like. Oh so what he did. Was he read wikipedia entry and then he's asking the same questions of everybody and in fact one of the things that i like to ask as the very first question i think the very first question is maybe the most important one is. I always try to ask a question so that the guest truly understands guy did the research. He really checked it out because he you know. He didn't just read the wikipedia entry. So a few weeks ago. I interviewed angela. Duckworth macarthur winner and author of grit. And the first question. I asked her was your. Is your daughter still taking viola lessons. Because in the book grit. She talks about how everybody in our family has to do. Something that's hard. You know something that requires practice and surely fun and her thing was viola and so the first question was about her daughters viola. Which what i'm trying to trigger is i want to say a ha so this guy clearly did his research. You read the book. He knew my daughter's taking viola. So that's my secret to starting up an episode of subtle little little mark there. Yeah i love that. And i feel like yeah the momentum before for us like it'll be kind the before banter and try any relate ability we can get going and then almost hit the record within that momentum. Because you're right it's the beginning. You gotta get the wheels move in you know and see where. Yeah well you figure. You know many of these people. They've been on podcasts. Hundreds of times right so they're all asked the same question. How did it feel to win. A macarthur award. I mean you'll never know. Do you have any thoughts on on this new clubhouse app that everybody it seems like real up on it and it's sort of wealth extension podcasting. Yeah in a sense is like podcasting. Talk in real time with no editing and no stickiness and so it's kind of podcasting meets attending a conference meets a radio talk show which you know probably has the worst of all and so I have. I have jumped on it. Because i think that for any any social media platform i need to jump on it just in case it takes off so i don't really know if it will succeed but if it does succeed i don't to be the latch onto the party. Because the longer you wait the harder it is to get a following and also. I don't want some asshole to squat on my name. And then i gotta go figure out. Who cloths do. I convinced that. I am the guy kawasaki. Not this sixteen year. Old kid in shanghai who said he is the kawasaki so get his ass off so you know instead of having that battle i just grabbed the name right away so i think it could succeed but i also thought that about l. o. And mere cat and periscope right so and my space so clearly. I've been wrong right now. I think there's a little too much of marketers talking to marketers and wannabes talking to wannabes and has been talking to wannabes and wannabes talking to has bins and so so many of the conversations was yes. Yeah you know you got to believe in yourself. And i believed in myself and so i started coming called consulting and then i wrote a book called the blow away and now i have the online blow away seminars. If you look at my instagram profile is a link you can click to to get my free offer for the first first course of online course of how to blow away people the blow away and and it's like on clubhouse in the first four weeks i've already done two million dollars worth of business as so i'm gonna teach you how to rock clubhouse to just like me it's like you know you're so full of shit. There's nobody who's done two million dollars worth of business on clubhouse do it either. You can't do it either. Yeah so you're in the same kinda rooms that we've frequented in in same exact thoughts on our side too because there's silicon valley rooms. I've noticed like navan kamal ramakant. We're in this one with someone high up in apple as well and they're having talking about their perception of clubhouse and how it's changed now that marketers have entered the rooms for different totally different uses of of clubhouse interesting. I think if clubhouse is going to succeed it's not because there's getting rich quick schemers talking to other get rich schemers. I think it's because it's going to be a lot of different flowers blooming. Like you know they'll be one about a clubhouse club about indian cooking and one about crocheting and one about yoga and one about hiking in the bay area and one about you know sixty five mustangs or whatever. It is so i. I hope that there's a kind of an infinite number of small rooms. We'd highly focused topics as opposed to. This is the millionaires dinner club and we have five thousand listeners. Here by so tell us joe. How did you become so successful with the blow away and hit me. Yeah right right. You can only take so much of that. It's true yeah. I i think it's gonna go that direction and the way that it's rolling out. It's it's interesting. How the ruling it out but yeah i. I would hope that it goes all topical in localize region. Words not massive. Yeah and then you know. Let's face it so twitter's working on spaces you know. Facebook is going to do something so you know you. There's two schools of thought right. So the pioneer deeper into it got the head start. It can take on the established company. The other flipside is twitter. Already has idaho three hundred million people and if just one percent of him started using. Twitter space is equal to clubhouse on day. One so you know. And so. I mean i have a million and a half followers on twitter. Probably half of them are bought or dead. And and you know i have. I don't know twenty five thousand on clubhouse well might be easier for me to convert by twitter following to social audio aspect of twitter than to start all over on clubhouse. I don't. I don't know the answer to that question it. I almost every time. I'm clubhouse i feel like there's a room going on with the title that says something to the effect of we'll clubhouse kill podcasts. Right a lot of people that are worried that people are going to stop listening to podcasts. And just sort of tune into conversations on clubhouse now all the time and said but you know i think you actually described with your podcast. The perfect reason why podcasts are never going to die. I think you know the production quality and the this sort of structure that you can create with. Podcasts is is going to continue to differentiate but i'm curious. What are your thoughts. Do you think it's going to impact podcasting. Well i mean honestly. The reason why i'm on clubhouse is i hope to get more people to listen to my podcast so clubhouse is a means to an end not an end in and of itself the other kind of room. That's always there is how to monetize clubhouse and you know what there's going to be maybe five people can monetize clubhouse like if you think trixie and beef and joe blow to monetize clubhouse this i gotta see i mean i. I would be astounded. That when you look at someone like my hero is marquess. Brownlee on youtube right. So he's got thirty million followers on youtube. He has like the best task reviews. Unboxing right well. That's thirty million followers. That's what it takes. Thirty million followers would mean. You need everybody on clubhouse times ten drew. This ain't going to happen too soon. So you if you're trixie and biff and joe and you word about monetize glavas you're you're you're delusional. I mean it's a no. It's not the same. No one will but it gonna be that easy. No and yeah. When i want to put everything in the clubhouse but like you said it's it's showing up it's claiming your name. I mean did you get a guy like he did on facebook. Because i noticed that when i was stocking you and i just got guy kawasaki as long as shit. I'm just happy. People don't think are rich. Dad poor dad. I'm sure you get too much of that. We don't even bring that up here. But i mean to that point. It seems like this is how we've been seeing clubhouse and we have seen a spike in our downloads on our podcast. Because at least we think it's correlated to that age. I haven't yes sir. I don't know you promise. People that i know how to make them rich. Quick listen to my podcast taste shit. I blew a free. But it's showing up in the room. And i feel like that's just feel like that's your whole career for the most part and maybe even before the career is being in the room and somehow finding yourself into that room i mean all the way from back to apple You know i'm kind of curious. I wanna hear the story there around how you got in there. I mean i know the story. But i want to share it folks. The short story is that. I got my job at apple because nepotism need was my college roommate. Who hired me. So it's not because of my it a perfect educational work experience because my buddy hard. There's a lesson there which is nice to people in college number one and number two. You know it really didn't matter how i got into apple. What matters is what i did after. I got into apple. Because steve jobs wasn't gonna keep me around just because my college roommate hired me he would have fired my ass the next day if i was incompetent so the lesson is don't worry about how you get into companies what you do once you get in to when once you're in. What would your first. You mentioned grit another thing. I want to bring up is. You're always smiling and i absolutely love it and i know that's a big piece of. We'll talk about that in a second. But what would you say is your what was your first move or multiple moves in the beginning. Once he got in apple knowing men bro. You're asking me to remember what i did in nineteen thousand nine hundred wanted yesterday. I mean yeah that's true me too. I just listened. My job was to convince people to write macintosh software. And i came from a non technical background so first of all i had to learn some of the technology and then it was just trial by fire. Minnows hit the road. Jack so good days. Those are good day. I didn't know what i didn't know. I think that's the best days Run into the man. Good luck came in. How would you define what an evangelist is. Because when i when i think of an evangelist i think if somebody who really loves a product. So they're going. Go tell everybody they know about a product that's kind of that's evangelist in my mind. That's pretty good. I mean basically evangelists comes from a word meaning bringing the good news. So i brought the good news of macintosh making people more creative and productive. I am bringing the good news of canvas howard will make everybody better communicator. Because they can create great graphics. So that's what an evangelist's does now. Salesperson is primarily concerned with his or her income quota and bonus but an evangelist is concerned also with the well being of the customer the opposite person interest. Do you think like looking at influencers. Now i'm just thinking of like this. Instagram influencers the ones. That are evangelists where they might call them like they're hard guns thank you. I'll take an extreme example right. Do you think matthew mcconaughey drives a lincoln seriously. Doubt it fully went to his house. Do you think you would see him. Driving around in a lincoln there's no frequently he thinks shaquille o'neal use ice and icy cold hot tax or whatever. No there's no way. I'm telling you i use a macintosh i have. I'm a brand ambassador for peace fans. This is a company. That up fits mercedes mattresses. I really do have one of those. I really use it I have helped company called merged. Four i really love their socks. I think they have the best socks. And so you know. I don't i don't get involved with stuff that i don't use so as podcasters i know joe nice are one of our big goals as podcasters is to be evangelists right so one of the ways that will do that in our businesses through affiliate marketing. You know we we talk about the tables that we love and and our own business and we tell people about it. We'll get a commission if people buy through our links What advice would you give people who who want to kind of be that career vangelis like the thought of being an evangelist for products. Sounds really really good. How does somebody like take a career path into evangelizing products. Well i mean you know this is called guys golden touch and guys golden touch is not that whatever i touch turns to gold guys golden touch. I touch what's gold. So it's it's easy to evangelize canvas macintosh. It's hard to evangelize shit. So don't try to evangelize shit. Well duh. sounds like does on. But you'd be amazed. How many people think i'm gonna evangelize shit and you know people are gonna love. It is not going to work. So i think ninety percent of evangelism is a great product And use the product to. Because i know in canada. You're a user. And didn't they found me. Yeah yeah. I mean how much better and i loved reading and hearing that about you. Because that's that is how we approach affiliate marketing. We've been doing it for ten plus years. I mean as long as people understand that you're not pimping a product just to get the affiliates. Jesus because you truly do believe in it right that's the king and people see through it too. I mean i know our community has reached out to us many times. And saying you're you're approaching this in a different way than most affiliate marketers. I were in that bucket. I guess you know. Most people. Don't talk evangelist approach. I can hardly wait to you. Guys endorse the lincoln navigator. Lincoln's on my list run my favorite see like basketball players or professional athletes promoting mcdonalds or something. It's like you ever catch you. Yeah yeah yeah so. I want to go to the smiling thing and i know it's i don't know for the outside perspective to seem so like i smile on a lot. Great but hell. I mean i feel like i tend to do it often. It feels good but it's because we're sharing. I don't know good vibes. Good feeling and we're doing fun if you're having fun and you're you know you're getting people to make their lives better by picking the right product and stuff. Yeah what is there to be grumpy about. I do think that people have different. Dispositions glasses half-full positive rising tide floats all boats. Kinda guy and you know is now all your grump. Look i mean i know you. That's your problem. Each die bro. You're right you're right. Do you think that. I mean i feel like that can get you through all the challenges. The grittiness like you mentioned getting thrown into the mix and figuring out your way and it opens doors. I feel like when other people are stonewalled or stone-faced. Yeah i don't you know what i i don't. I don't like to do business with grumpy. People what. I'd rather do business with like i think the first check mark is competence. Second checkmark is happy in business anyway. Because i don't want to do business with a happy incompetent person. That's on the low left of wrong. That is the wrong part of the graph. Yes on let's talk about high into the right because that's something that you you've had in your ted talks in you've spoken about quite a bit. Can you explain that for sure. So this is the famous guy. Kawasaki two by two matrix. Vertical axes measures degree of uniqueness or differentiation horizontal axis measures value. So i think the key to life is that you are unique invaluable if you're unique and not valuable than you're just plain dumb you own a market that doesn't exist if you're valuable but not unique. You always have to compete on price because people can get the same thing and if you're not unique and not valuable then you just totally sock in. you know. it's not even worth discussing. So the corner you wanna to be is when you are unique and valuable and that could be as a spouse as an employee or as a product and so when the ipod i came out it was unique and variables the only way that you could put a device in your pocket with user interface that immortal could operate. You could get a wide selection of music legally inexpensively and easily. There's no other product that could do that at the time so it was unique and valuable. Yeah yeah. I think the other option at the time of is like a zumur some some. He'll multimedia whatever yeah. Yeah how would you go about like do you look at well. I guess when you're evangelizing companies. Would they already. Are you looking at their company and obviously are using them but to be a marketable type of tool or or a software company do for an audit and make sure i first of all i don't i don't view the lens my lens is not. Is this a company that i can have a business relationship with with as an evangelist. So you know i was using. I was using canada and they found me. I didn't find them. I found them as a user. But i didn't find them as a you know. Let me apply there so The the order for me is i fall in love with something and it happens that they need evangelists or an ambassador order adviser like for example Do you use descript. Yes right so the script is something if they ever asked me. Descript is something. I could evangelize because i true. I spent hours and hours in descript every week. And i don't know how. I would do podcasting without this grip to tell you the truth because if i was in garage band and i was trying to remove every frigging time somebody says or you know or right. My podcasts would be different. You would hear all the and rights and you know 'cause i wouldn't take them out but with descript. It has empowered me to do podcasts. At a thing that i could have never done before. So do you have direct contact with them. We don't but i bet we could figure out how and have i was just wondering so there's some things i would like to change like. We're going to really deep into the weeds here. But so do you ever work in the View where the tracks are separated. So you can get it on track and not the other. I have and i okay. I'm just going to be honest guy. Jacob on our team is a master descript. we're like super surface level. It's been a. And i know there are so many features on their weekly but describe a little bit so one view of the. What script does you load up your track. So in this case there would be probably three tracks right one from each mike and then they they you you load them up you combine them and then there's a transcription of all three tracks. And then you edit text so you can remove text and that would remove the audio so if you see where i say You select the and you say ignore that then when you listen to it again the has gone. And so that's a beautiful thing. As opposed to. What gino trying to look for that little jag in the sound way where you're going to eliminate that so that is a beautiful thing. But there's two views where you hear all three at once and you edit the taxed but then there are times where people are laughing over the other person. And that's when you wanna go into the separate view or you could see each track so if you're laughing while i'm talking we can edit your track to take the laughter out so you only hear me talking so that's another view of The audio in descriptors. I was just wondering if he needs to have you. I'm sure jacob is probably nodding right now are and yeah because he absolutely loves it and we used to use addition adobe audition and yeah i mean you. Matt did most editing to him. But descript is complete. Game changer Have you ever used the type type it out and it basically creates your voice. I did train it. But i'm such a perfectionist that i haven't seen the use case for that right. So if i'm doing the intro or the altro. I just recorded over and over until i like it. As opposed to engineer types in these words and you know use synthesize guy. We never do that. yeah. I think it's good for filler words or you know got cut out maybe in zoom or something internet connection yeah could be Yeah i wanted to so. This is sort of a fairly dramatic shift but we did. We did ask some questions of our listeners. And so i wanted to ask what. Ask them questions from them so Rick friesen was he was asking so you wrote the art of the art of the start. Do you still recommend that people start businesses from scratch or do you encourage people to buy companies and then sort of pivoted more towards your purpose boy i. I'm not exactly an expert in that. But i my scenario is always starting a company. Now you people have to understand that. I'm talking about a tech company right so you know if if if you want to be in the dry cleaning businesses somebody already has three dry cleaners so you want boot up fast. Go god bless you buy three dry cleaners but you know in the software business or in the tech business. Why would you wanna buy somebody else's piece of shit ever he's saying like. I hope you're an entrepreneur. Believes that you can do better than this thing. You're going to buy now as as companies reach a certain mass then you know why not grab their install base their technology their people. But i don't know it's hard to imagine a scenario where you're going to buy a business before you almost almost like. You wanna buy a business where the owners don't want to sell. Yeah makes sense if if they're willing to sell it and they know the skeletons in exactly totally says good perspective. It's always go for the motivations of the seller or but even better if they're not even willing to sell somehow get in there. Yeah to that point. I said this before is wrote to quote down here is entrepreneurship is the state of mind. Not a job title. And i forget exactly where i pulled that from but it was interesting. This is the thing my research is kind of like this big spider web of stuff figured something rings a bell. But yeah i you know. You're you've started companies. We've also been in a position hired on at like canvas for instance you interviewed or at least what we read an. You did interview the founder of canada. Who's your for my podcast. Yes podcast yeah. So it's i guess. Speaking of that that quote you know. Entrepreneurship is a state of mind. Not a job title. Because there's a lot of entrepreneurs listening right here. They might have that stand mind but they might think they run their own business. Well i mean what i'm trying to get at is that entrepreneurship is an attitude and it's a mindset of the glass half full the world can be a better place i can deal with the negative eddie and dow I am. I am not a risk lover but i am not going to let risk paralyze me and so this is kind of the malt the mental state of an entrepreneur whereas some people think of it as a title and a lot of is ito. They're so worried about positioning as a thought leader and writing white papers and appearing on at conferences and you know being synonymous with something and positioning themselves as great. Ceo at all that. Just cut the bullshit. I mean he just made a great product. everything else falls into place. But if you're trying to position do you think eli in moscow. Steve jobs gets up in the morning. Saying lon how. Can i position myself today. I don't i make a car. Oh yeah good job. Know i refuse to believe that. Steve jobs and nealon must ever think about how they position themselves as thought leaders gurus or visionaries. Yeah i'd say that's pretty evident with along with some of his appearances. Joe rogan stone twitter post back and forth. Yeah who knows. I guess know steve jobs you having worked for him and right alongside him like what would he say about the state of everything in digital right now. You know the. There's a lot going on. That's different i really you know i. I'm a mere mortal cannot possibly understand the steve jobs operating system. And i would make the case that anybody who tells you that they understand steve jobs and could predict what he would do is full of shit. I mean it's kind of if you think the turing test is tough. You try to take the jobs million. I don't i would not no. I don't know all. I know he would loved donald trump. Who the hell knows why not. Oh god like know. The animal cars such as a source of humor for me. Because like i've i've obviously i know what it takes to make a personal or maybe not. Obviously but i do know you know kind of what it takes to make a personal computer. And i became a mercedes benz brand ambassador so kind of know what it takes to make a car. And i see like a car is about a thousand times more difficult than a computer. Because you wanna car fails people die. it's not just you know hold command shift. Pr and reboot your car. So and a computer the best the worst case of a computer somebody takes it to dusty crowded starbucks right well. Car rain sleet snow idiot. I mean idiot so somebody doesn't put oil is somebody puts the wrong kind of oil so and he puts diesel engine so many things go wrong and there's so many more factors in a car than a computer. So apple's going to make apple is gonna make car this. I gotta see what we ought to see it. First of all apple is going to make a car right. And so i could tell you right now. It's going to be just the world's greatest car for the i seventy five miles and then you got to recharge it. So that's number one now when you use the charter. You can't use the industry. Standard of the tesla super charger. You gotta by two thousand dollar. Donal fits on top of the cable that goes into the industry standards because apple had to create a special cable that nobody else uses for their electricity in fact they almost considered making their own kind of electricity which would have been proprietary but they decided to use industry standard i tripoli electricity and just changed the dongle up making it simpler thing that we're on apple computers. I'm actually an apple fan. But i think the magic mouse that you have to plug into the bottom of the mouse is one of the most ridiculous designed charge it to charge the mouse and then okay so you know i mean seriously. So would you buy a car from a company that gives you only two usb ports. Hell no right. So would you carful company that took out your d. card reader because they decided to nobody had asked the car eater or would you buy a car that ill so maybe there's only one port into the car but then you can buy an optional dongling case you want to put other things into your car i mean i this i gotta see i let me tell you something. I will not be the first early adopter of an apple cart. Trust me because i know how hard it is to make a car. He's been at it for a while now and but you know. Ilan supports the argument. That one guy can make a car. Of course the windows fly off all the time. Sheryl sometimes minor details. Yeah but i mean still he mercedes-benz out two hundred years old or something and tesla's twenty years old ten years old right so it can be done. But oh man. I just i i. I'm not buying apple car. One point i guarantee that. I think it's probably a smart move. The point about the whole egg comanche. Of whatever i remember the tesla tesla for a little bit and when it nothing was working i think of it like a computer and it really was. Hold down a couple of buttons and remember those. Here you have to reboot a reboot. And i was like oh. It's a computer more than a car. Wow this is the toll total paradigm very first time we ever got in it. We couldn't get the radio to work in the way to get the radio work with turn everything off and then turn it back on again. Like just like so. Maybe somebody who worked for microsoft designed that got all right. Let's wrap this up so you can get out of here. What's what's exciting. I mean you have. What are some interesting things so remarkable at. I think it's a newer product. You're evangelizing on your podcast. Looks really cool. Tablet the avenue. Yes so this. Is you know people think i have frigging genius because i had the remarkable people podcast sponsored by the remarkable tablet. But i'm gonna to tell you it's just pure accident. I i came up with the name remarkable people and then months months later figured out. Oh this is a tablet. What a great person to date for a sponsorship and then luckily the remarkable tablet is so well dumb. And i use it. I use it all the time. And what i my use cases i draft my podcast questions using google docs. Because sometimes i let other people into edit and print it to pdf. then i put it on my remarkable and so during podcast. I'm actually taking notes on my remarkable during the podcast for two reasons. One is i. I'm worried about the clanking noise of apple's keyboard right. So i don't want the keyboard noise in it and secondly i think when people see you using tablet and writing it's a positive and they think oh my god guy must think i'm smart. He's taking notes right. Whereas if they see you typing. They're thinking oh guys answering email answer which is not a good thing. Yeah so. I think it improves the attention of your guests. If they see that you're taking notes with a pencil like device as opposed to pounding away on your keyboard answering your wife for answering your son or you know ordering instacart there you go urnov it. Maybe you should upgrade our because we do the same thing i mean. We do physical paper but remarkable as well. My you know my problem with physical papers that at any given point i have like four legal towelettes these leather bound things and they're all scattered around different and i don't know where i i don't know what i wrote in. What and so the remarkable the beauty is linked to the cloud. So even if the tablet is stolen or lost or destroyed i still have it in the cloud and it also it can take your writing and ocr it. I've never done that because I don't need to get digital i start digital and then i go analog taking notes on the questions and then once that i'm done with that i'm done with that i don't re- translate the notes so That's my use case for the for remarkable. Love that use case. Thanks for sharing that. Because i think some things in my mind because i'm like yeah. I'm like no pads everywhere. I love writing things down but thing you're our guy. Thank you very much. Everyone listened to remarkable people. Podcast in pick up the one of fifteen bucks guy has out there. We'll make everything in the show. I appreciate it. Thank you thank you take care. Good luck to you all by kawasaki. Not to be confused with robert kiyosaki. Why would you. I would be a case because he mentioned. I did not rich dad poor dad and we got to talking about it. We're like i bet that actually happens ally but there's a story that i've heard him talk about as well as he was driving down the street i think in beverly hills longtime ago and i got stopped by a car full of young girls that were like hooting and hollering adam. And he's like. I made it. They all thought he was. Jackie chan. yeah. That was a lot worse. Because i don't think he looks like jackie chan and his name doesn't sound like jackie and visual thing in kawasaki south very familiar but i mean i like guys approach so much. He's just having fun with this thing. And yeah we'll have a conversation with guy i think is sort of like a like a borderline bucket list moment for me because he's somebody that i do. Remember following you know over a decade ago. Yeah now i remember. The first book i read of his was enchantment always thought that was like the coolest looking cover to read with his butterfly or any origami. Yeah and i revisited that the other day and i was like damn. This is a good book. Yeah i don't think my brain would It would would take it in a different way now. That was like ten years ago or something. Well if his his book ape. Ap think it stood for author publisher. Yes some of the poor. Maybe i don't remember what the eastern for. But it's something like that and i remember. I went to blog world expo and he was speaking at it and it was around the time the book came out so his talk was all about how to put out a book and how to quickly like public self published. A book and i watched the presentation. I bought the book. I read the book. And then i wrote wordpress revealed a few months later. That's right. that was so he inspired you to read a book. Then yeah well. I think interesting. I think before hearing guy kawasaki speak. I thought the process of putting out a book was just this. You put your head down and you just hammer away at the keyboard every day of your life for three years and eventually round end up with a book you know And it just sounded like this insane process that i thought man. Why would anybody ever write a book. It just seems so hard and when he explained some of his processes you know there was some shortcuts. Stuff in there too quickly. Get a book out quicker. What was What was the thing that that was like. Okay that's totally different. Like was there. Well i think for the most part. I think it was almost like the permission to just go self publish right like it was. It was sort of early on for katie p kindle direct publishing and all that kind of stuff and he was kind of one of the first people evangelizing the concept of self publishing your book instead of going through a traditional publisher guy and so hearing him talk about like. Yeah i just. I put my book together in microsoft word and i hired an editor to go like fine typos and organiz. Some things and i had a book. i self published it like just hearing him talk about that made me think okay. This isn't as complex of a concept. Is i thought. And so what i did with wordpress revealed was i made this book that was sort of a combination of content written on my blog. transcripts from interviews that. I've done and then i went in. I put out a survey the said like what your number one question around wordpress. I got like one hundred people to send me their biggest questions around. Wordpress organized them into a logical order. I literally wrote the book by just answering the questions. One by one once. I had all hundred of these questions answered and sort of in a logical order. I added some transcripts from some interviews added some of my blog post in it. And i had a book about wordpress bingo and you. I mean sold that shit out of that book. Remember that yeah it was. It was the number when it launched. It was the number two bestselling book in the business category. It's the number. One book at the time was trust me. I'm lying by ryan holiday. I didn't manage to knock off. I didn't manage to pass a little wordpress book in that book. Yeah that's wild man. That's cool. I didn't know about that part Wall guy was the was the guy the he was. The guy was guy. write a book. They're definitely be catalyst for that. Hamen i mean. I will speak of this interview. The whole podcasting thing now is interesting. I didn't know we were going to go that direction with the show either but he seemed to really really light up around the topic of podcast. Where we launch pod hacker. Let's go this route got. We'll probably include some video or cuts at least from this Know i mean. There's that's what i love about podcasting and you could tell. He has a whole different way of looking at it than us. I mean we are not the edit all the does and news and all that stuff out because lord knows we're frigging riddled with them in our own ways but but we do some but not to the level he does. Yeah i mean. I honestly don't know how much jacob edits words or. Yeah after we're done recording but it's yeah they didn't hear it in the interview because this will have been edited out but guy actually took a phone call in the middle of the conversation. So i mean stuff like that. We are going to add it out morris. Yeah a little behind the scenes. Yeah it's just. I find it fascinating the way that he looks at because he said it's like a book You know it's that's in. He likes it more than books. It seems you can get content out quickly. But he's not just getting it out to get it out quickly. He could tell. There's so much preparation during the episode. You know. I don't think we talked. He's taking notes and all that stuff and then afterwards. He is the whole editing process multiple stages. I'm actually really surprised by how much his fingers are on the podcast. Right like i. I mean the the research doesn't surprise me because you and i. We do quite a bit of research a lot. I i would say you probably go to more depth on the research idea but you know some episodes. I'll go really really deep on her guests in. We've had a in the past where we found out. We're having a guest tomorrow. And i would go. Binge read their books so that i would be prepared for the show tomorrow right. So that's definitely happened in the past. So i'm not surprised by the research stuff. It's after the podcast is over. I'm surprised how much time he goes in. And he himself at its outcomes an un- any sort of concepts that were repeated in the episode. He's gonna edit those outon. I'm just like i would have thought that he would have had an editor that goes and does that but you can just tell that. This is like this his baby and he wants to. He wants to have ultimate control over one gets produced and put out to his audience his craft. Yeah you can totally tell. He means he wants to put his best foot forward out there. Yeah just like a book you know you're not gonna you're not gonna just throw together and slap some stuff together and hope it flies you know. Yeah no it's very interesting. And i mean there's there's there's a lot I love the car thing. I know that was a question. We want to get out to him and he definitely had some opinions. That quite honestly. I was surprised we kind of kurt a lot. We covered all like. I'm looking at our notes here. And i'm like there's not really anything on here that we put in our notes that we didn't actually get around covering we kind of ran the gamut of all the stuff we're excited to chat with him about pretty damn close. And so yeah. I think there's like one. I could maybe look at here but yeah i mean i think the two things that were sort of unexpected for me around this was i wasn't expecting to go on steep on podcasting and i definitely wasn't expecting to go as deep as we did on clubhouse that too yeah in cars. I guess wasn't expecting that either. But we've got the impression that he's not really a huge apple fan anymore yet to i think he was wearing airpods or one. It looks like But any iphone analyzing everything he i mean. He said he was on a mac. But yeah i mean there's two points right with the dangles making things away that actually give a user more flexibility. I know it's all in the you know for simplicity's sake and all that but man he's right and that kind of is a worrisome for a future car potentially it's like what are you gonna have one one dog for the whole car like special power. I didn't even know that. Jesus i never knew that that was the thing that was ever discussed. I mean what you've got. You've got direct current milton alternating current and so was he talking about a third like beyond those. I can't can't speak it not obviously. There's you know the one ten in two twenty and all that kind of stuff. But that's just the different wealth right. Yeah yeah. I think. I don't know i don't even know what that was like. My head can't wrap around the concept of a new type of electricity. Like i just can't even process it. I guess i'm no clue asked my stepdad kevin. He educates me on this stuff. So kim can you do some research on this yes pocket. And what does he mean by. This I think this is super cool. My big takeaway is yeah the clubhouse thing and podcasting with him i did not know how passionate he was about podcasting and it makes me excited to hear that he's as passionate about podcasting. Is i think we are a really good show. So yeah everyone. I mean goop. Go take a peek. At remarkable people is the name of his podcast in the episode. I listened to his tim. Ferriss which you brought up. I'm like you don't you don't see ten on other shows flat out said on his show that he doesn't go another podcasts anymore. So for guy to be able to get him like that's that's really That says something about guy for sure. Yeah i know. Waugh's has been on his show. Steve wozniak in all bunch. A whole bunch of people. I'm going to dig in deeper. Because i mean it literally felt like people in my dream one hundred right now as we speak. Well we gotta we gotta add wozniak to the one hundred year old man. I mean it's i don't know very cool stuff and remarkable people over there cast To make sure you grab the notes for this one flow chart group dot com. You can go there You'll be asked to join a group. One of the questions will be to give us your email address. If you choose to give us your email address on that question we will email you the notes to this episode if you do it within two weeks of this episode going live And group dotcom. Low chart group dotcom pod. Hackers should be out by the time of this recording so go to pod hacker dot com to get more details around that into deep dive on podcasting yourself. All the details about that will be at pod. Hacker dot com and easy. webinar are. yeah. I mean this is this is gonna be a tool. We're probably going to be fired up quite a bit more. Because of pod hacker because we have a good use for their that. That initial project so Easy webinar just calling it as it is. It's a very it. does everything you need for webinars. It's like guy was talking about with canada. Canada denmark d beasley makes it. I would help you out if i knew the word. I don't see this word too often. It does that for graphics. Yeah basically makes us to use all these photoshop and you know do all these lessons. I feel like easy web similar to that. Because it just gives you everything you need for whatever type of webinar you want to try because they have the different styles webinars but also went to get in there. You have landing pages you have all the systems they have all these frameworks and basically. If you don't know anything about webinars but you know you probably should using them in your business in some way selling training in collaboration whatever try it out easy webinar dot com slash hustle. Hooking you up a discount over there. Easy webinar dot com slash hustle. Go get it go get it you just like to say i just say the hustle part and repeat and repeat you. You're good at that. I am good at legit non. Stop talking and i know you probably enjoyed this episode because we enjoyed making these episode. Usually if we really had a good time on coversation we hear from you telling us that you enjoyed the conversation which we really appreciate you. Go jared this conversation with friends even if he didn't like it because didn't like it. Share it with your enemies. Well actually i like One of the prep four for For guy was listening to jordan carpenters. Podcasts great interviewer. And he's always saying yeah. Sure with your enemies share with people. You don't like share this with everyone so yeah not that listen to jordan. It will make your like you even more and it might even flip your enemies. The might flip them. We want flip them with them off. Flip at with anywhere. That joke was going for all right. Thank you so much as always. Thanks everybody for listening to this episode of the hustle and flow chart. Podcast taking the time to listen. We want to give you something a little special every single episode that we do we actually have somebody on our team take notes we basically ever cliff's notes version of every episode where you can go and find all of the tips and tactics that they laid out all of the resources that they laid out all the good stuff from this episode. We actually have simple notes version that you can find on our website. Evergreen prophets dot com. Find this episode that you just listen to into your email address and we'll send you the notes. Thanks for listening. don't get it wiki wiki.

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