20 Episode results for "Voidance"

Motivational Quotes: Engage, Support, Courage.

THE BRENDON SHOW

10:01 min | 2 years ago

Motivational Quotes: Engage, Support, Courage.

"Hey, my friends it's Brendan Byrne short and welcome to a special episode of the Brennan show where we jump into some of the best of my motivational quotes. Hey, y'all y'all been asking for this for a long time? And we finally put it together for you every single day. I do a new sixty second audio sort of of my best quotes or of coaching that we put on Instagram, and I have just gotten such an outpouring of love for these as you can see each of them tends to get tens, and tens of thousands, or tens of tonnes of tens of thousands of views so much love for these. And basically what I've done is. I if you haven't seen it, please follow me on Instagram at burn Bouchard. And what like to do is post an actual quote of mine that written from one of my six books, or, you know, the thousands of blogs articles I've done and what I like to do is just grab a little bit of a quote, maybe it's two to three sentences. And so I read the quote on Instagram, and then I just go off on that quote for like sixty seconds for literally just one minute of fire has. Much as I can pretty much every single day on Instagram that I created originally and people just wanted like a roundup of those. So finally, somebody actually deemed me on Instagram said man, you should do a mash up of all these on your podcast frigging inspiring their inciteful their motivational because there's some of the best of what I've written. And I think you'll really enjoy these. It's kind of funny format because each of them was only sixty second. And we're string together a bunch of them from this week for you right here in what we're gonna call the motivational quotes episodes. I hope you'll really enjoy that. So without further ado, enjoy these sixty seconds of motivation for your day, my friend, if you really like these make sure your follow me on Instagram and also just do me, a simple favor that I know you guys are liking these take a screen shot of wherever you're listening to this posted up on your socials and use hashtag the Brendan show that way I can see who's really engaging with these motivational quotes sessions. And we'll be doing some giveaways in this weekend over the next couple of weeks. So make sure use a hashtag the Brennan show when you post about these motivational quotes sessions with that. Let's go. I was just saying this to a client face it. No, be real be honest. If you don't face this reality, you can't fix this reality. I mean, so often avoidance feels good. You know, it's like avoidance is like a great short term strategy to feel good about ourselves. Avoidance is great short-term strategy to avoid difficult conversations. Difficult truths about our lives about how we're not showing up about how he can treat people better about how we could honestly give a little bit more. But voidance is also a great long term strategy for suffering. You know, the more you Boyd that difficult conversation with your spouse or with your team or the people that you're trying to make a difference with the more that you avoid the truth of your life, the less momentum. You get to less progress. You get the less fulfilment and happiness you get. So you gotta look at your life face it and say, okay. What do I need to do? Now. Let's. Ago. Hey, it's Brandon and listen to this one surround yourself with people who bring joy and growth into your life. Those who are secure enough in themselves to be real and solid. Whether you shine or struggle, this is so critical because if the people around you are insecure, if the people around you are fake or are always waffling in their supportive, you then that leaves you in an instable place. It leaves you in a place where you're always wondering what people have your back will they gossip about you will they leave you. If you don't do well or show up perfectly. It's so important the people around you do dramatically affect the quality of your life. And so when you're looking for France because you know, maybe you don't have the right family, the right people in your life right now, but you can build a new network you want when you're looking for that new network look for people who are so real insult who got your back because that can change your life. Victory is not a result of a voidance. I love this one. Because the reality is we have two choices when confronted with challenges with difficulties with struggles with conflicts in our life. We can shrink we can go hide we can avoid we can prevent ourselves from really embracing or engaging or dealing with so easy because you know, what that's the route of fear, but you know, what no one reaches victory by marching every step in fear at some point. It requires courageous confrontation courageous conversations courageous expressions sharing being vulnerable taking that step forward. When you raise your hands up in victory. It only happens because you know, you did the difficult things to actually get there that you earned that v raise that you earned that moment victory comes from honoring the struggle making it through and confronting the life. Hey, it's Brendan and listen to this one the higher we climb in life the more. We realized just how hard everyone has worked to achieve anything. This is so important because you know, who doesn't judge successful people people who are actively succeeding and working to succeed in their life because the harder you have to work to climb to strive to make your dreams come true, the more you realize other people had to do that too. Right. It's the people who are the haters, the judges the people sitting on the sidelines of life who point at others say, oh, they're so lucky. They don't have to work as hard. How the people who are really working? They recognize that results come from. So they recognize when other people got extraordinary salts. They must have put in extraordinary work. It's just true that successful people. They cheer on and recognize other successful people because they've gone through it themselves. Okay. Let's talk about this quote right now, most people would feel guilty for destroying someone else's property yet. They wreck the very temple their creator, gifted them, you know, in my book. Hi forms habits. I make the argument that we must be the guardians of our own bodies. We must be the protectors of our wellness. We must care for in value or health just as much as we value being a good mom achieving our great dreams, building a great business, building, huge career earning more financially because it is from that health and wellness that springs forth. Not only are vibrancy, not only our joy. But also our -bility to connect with others. Also are Billy to create and turn on the unique genius in our brains because of the brain body connection? So one of the great practices of my life is to get outside at least forty five minutes every single day and a duck over there somewhere. Oh, there is anyway to be outside at least forty five minutes every single day and often it's honestly just to take a break. And if it's not for a walk or it's not for Ron or not for a job or something fancy. It's literally just an opportunity to breathe to walk to de stress to take each step intentionally breathing deeply give some thanks for where I'm at give some just moments of peace to my mind to to to rest, my eyes from looking at the computer or doing all the work. I mean, it's just important. I mean, you work really hard. So you need to take a few breaths, and I think one of the great secrets to life. Well, lived is getting outside a little bit more often de stressing and taking a few breaths. Okay. My friends. I hope you enjoy this motivational session here on the Brennan show. And listen, please do yourself favor. If you like this type of thing imagine spending, two hours of training with me live every month where I get to mentor you on how you can reach your highest levels of performance and potential in every single thing you do in your life that program has called high performance mentoring, and you can go to Brendan dot com forward slash monthly to join that program. That's Brendan dot com for slash monthly and you can join our high forms mentoring program. It's where I go live every single month. And obviously when you join our mentoring program, it's just I'm doing everything I can to coach to cheer you on to share my latest insights from all my studies neuroscience, positive collagen behavioral economics, everything that I do to really just build my brand. To build my life and share every inside I can learn about strategies ideas into to improve your life. Go to Brendan dot com slash monthly for special to join that membership right now.

Brendan dot Brendan Brennan Brendan Byrne burn Bouchard France voidance Boyd Brandon Billy Ron forty five minutes sixty seconds sixty second one minute two hours
Best Of: How To Deal With Self Doubt

THE BRENDON SHOW

17:53 min | 2 years ago

Best Of: How To Deal With Self Doubt

"The. Hey, my friends it's Brennan Bouchard and welcome to a best of edition of the Brendan show. These best of episodes feature training that I have done live sometimes online to tens of thousands of people or live on stage. Or I was speaking on some sages across the world, or these might be some of my monthly training programs and highlights of those that I do every single month with our monthly students. So I know you're gonna really enjoy these because these are a little bit more of a deep dive look at some of my training as a personal and professional development trainer. I focused so much on helping find that deeper level of motivation and start practicing some of those high performance habits will you hear me talk about many of those concepts in these special episodes here. These are my best of trainings only and exclusively right here on the Brennan show. So I hope you enjoyed the please know that as you hear me speak in many of these you'll hear me reference something because sometimes all have been training live or on video or on stage or through broadcast. You might not be able to see something. I'm sue. Jesting or motion to or maybe even drawing out on on a flip chart or motion towards on presentation. But you'll get the gist of it. So make sure you bust journal take some good notes here because this is really valuable insights on the mindset of the strategy that you need to Dopp in order to improve your life. And if you want to go and get more content like this but much more deeper and have more of an interactive relationship with me in this type of training. Make sure you join our high performance monthly training program. That's our monthly subscription program. Where I go live with you. And our high performance students every single month, and I train on a new topic or new piece of research that we've created from the high performance institute, and I train on that. And then I do Kyun a and actual live coaching and interactive coaching with people every single month that's called high performance monthly and you can access it at Brendan dot com. Forward slash monthly. That's Brennan com. Forward slash monthly B R E N D O N dot com Ford slash monthly to get deeper dive training similar to this. So if you like this, you would love that training program. But without further ado, let's jump in right now to one of the Brennan shows best of trainings. How do I deal with self doubt? Because everybody's got it and at some point as conscious mature people and people who want to see the next level. We gotta deal with it. And once and for all we have to understand it and beat it on a recurring basis. Self-doubt is okay. If it's a motivator for you to gather strength to pay more attention, and we've gotta realise in no place greater in our lives. Can we measured out then the places where we are not moving forward on a consistent basis to wards things that we want if you're not saying and speaking and sharing how you feel in life. You're avoiding the difficulty that can come up from that. Because you doubt yourself if you are not telling other people, which you want what you desire, which you need in life, your voiding that conversation because you doubt yourself. You're not taking the action SP. Peaking sharing telling asking you're living in voidance, and so many people live in voidance because in the short term of winces, very comfortable. You have to deal with anything near voidance. So measure your life is is there anything that you really wanted in life. But you don't have yet or you're not significantly moving swiftly towards or what am I planning and planning and planning and planning and planning and planning for 'cause planning is not action at some point planning paralysis at some point without real action. So we really have to think about is there something that I've been doubting myself that is not allowing me to progress. And we gotta deal with that. So that's how right how do we deal with self doubt? How do we move from here to there? Well, I we need to know where this is coming from. And there's really only three major. Areas that this and this is coming from. The first one is straight up psychological conditioning behavioral mental conditioning. Right. That's it. Lots of people. They grew up around doubters warriors. Maybe you had a parent or caregiver who's always worried. Don't do that be careful be careful don't do that stop. You know, maybe you're not ready for this. Or that's not you and they were constantly just perpetuating worry in your ear. So you've heard it so many times, worry, worry, worry doubt doubt doubt, concern, concerned concern, stop stop, stop that your mind is just on a rhythm. That's the pattern the automatic. First impulse is to stop not go. The Matt automatic impulse is to shut up not speak up the autumn. Attic impulse is to sort of shrink in sort of insertive instead of demonstrate strength. And so we have to be aware of that. Maybe you're conditioning from other people has implanted those thoughts. But let's not just blame the people. The rowdy is your behavior is also conditioning. No matter what anyone else said if you chose weakness yesterday, you're likely to choose tomorrow, it's conditioned if you choose courage and strength day, you're more likely to amplify have courage and strength tomorrow your behavioral pattern as an adult has much more to do than what your child like acquisition of thinking gave you so what if someone bullied you in twelve grade in sixth grade or fourth grade as a forty year old person that is no longer in excuse, we'd like to make it one in our society because it's so understanding. But there's a difference between understanding an excuse, right? Let's say something happens at ten years old is an important ten years old. Yes. Did it really happen? Yes. Was it significant hurtful traumatic? Yes. At forty forty. Can we blame the thing at ten anymore the answer for any adult who's conscious? No, we cannot could that have been a pivotal place. Yes. That made a major impact. Yes. Could that have set you on a bad path for awhile? Yes. But you cannot say for thirty years that one moment time caused you know, thirty years there was a condition pattern that you kept running over and over and over again. And if it was not leading to healthy successful outcomes in life. It was on you. It is your count ability to say, you know, what I didn't deal with that. I better do it. Now. And if you need get therapy, get support get counseling, if you've any of my work. I never minimize that moment ever that struggle that hardship that challenge. It was real it was difficult. It was frustrating. It was disappointing. It was hurtful, and it was traumatic. Lots of people lots of people had tremendous turmoil in their youth. But as mardi Soliven told the American psychological association as president of the American psychological, social, he's as we have almost no data at all that can support the reality that our childhood difficulties or traumas, justify bad adult behavior. We just can't because too many people have amazing adult behavior. Most of us just have lack of good discipline? Good mental awareness, good positive habits in the moment today. And we can't blame. Yesterday therapy is a good thing. If you need it get counseling, if you're struggling with a recurring thought challenge behavior that just constantly leads to disease or bad habits or wrecked. Life's relationships and careers. Please frigging get help deal with it over and over and over again, we have millions of stories of people who went through horrible things and came out on the other side. Okay. Because they decided to get help there or just deal with it or they said, no more. I don't wanna be like that. And they had a different vision for who they were and the operated from that vision not that history. And that's what changed their life. Second element of doubt. Well, a lot of people have doubts because their projections of consequence right consequence. They're using consequence as a negative tool to support avoidance said that again when people struggle with progress or with a lot of doubt in their life. They're using consequence as a tool as a negative tool to support avoidance, they're saying, well, if I do that all these negative things happen if you've read my work before like the charge. You know, how he talked about fear off is that is really often. A what if statement? Followed by a negative statement. What if this negative thing happens what if I fail? What if they don't like me? What if I'm lonely? What if this makes me feel uncomfortable? What if this is too hard for me? What if I try all this and it turns out horribly? That's a what if statement followed by negative statement. And that's how they're projecting the consequence for themselves but consequence can be incredibly positive tool for us. We can say oh, not only. Can we flip it and say what if it turns out positive what if I do? Well, what if I gained not lose? What if they like me what if I suddenly change? And I everything I wanted we can use that. As a consequence is well to avoid and to get rid of doubt. But listen to this one. We can also use consequence. As a negative motivator against doubt, not four of ins-. But against it as in this. Alternate question coaching. What happens if you continue to do nothing in your life? What happens if you continue to stay the course in this career and not ask for what you want. And not to the projects you want not ask for the raise. What if you stay in this relationship, and you never got vulnerable? What if you stay in this relationship, and you never truly shared what you needed what if you leave that relationship only to find out that you never really even ask them would they wanted what they needed that. When we consider a consequence that is negative. It can overcome doubt. Because if we look and envision a bad future that can get us to act, and if we act over and over and over again that is how we start the feeding this doubt, it is through our own faith and action that we defeat doubt once and for all doesn't mean it won't come up. But now the first time you fight doubt. It's kind of like if feels like you just there's a big bag that you're fighting a big bag in the gym. And you're punching in your punching in your punching and that bag is not moving, but the more you deal without the more that bag becomes small because. You're focusing more on your strength. And now you're at the speed bag over and over and over it's easy. It's minimize is small. You got it. You can do it. While you look over here. Doug. I do. Really Reverend this thing they'll put a little man. What's your house? The kids. Nothing you dealt with it. Because if you act doubt becomes minimized and over time, you're conditioned to act because you prefer favorable consequences, and you've learned to defeat doubt. Last idea the biggest one the one that people forget all the time, and that is conscious choice. It's not happening to you. You didn't walk out the door and the doubt piano fell on your frigging head. You're choosing in this moment right now, you're choosing to doubt who you are the divinity in your heart, the spirit, and the soul that is survived to be here is doubt really the best decision for you right now. Yes, or no. Because we don't think of doubt as a choice as a decision, we think, oh, it happens to me or oh it happens me because I look at the no you're choosing it. So be aware the next time you're choosing. Oh, wait. I'm using doubt. Why am I choosing doubt right now? How is that going to serve me? And that's how life progresses we can choose to avoid or we can choose to take action. It's your choice. It's your decision. Be. Being here. I hope now you'd be more conscious of that choice. If you hear doubt coming up address, it talked to it look at it questions. What would choosing doubt do for me in this moment? And you almost always find it will do nothing. It will put you in the pit of avoidance silence and misery. But address it and say doubt shall not win today. I have faith I can see something better for myself. I'm going to take that action. Even if it's uncomfortable do that enough over and over and over and over again and sudden. You got that speed bag you got sitting under control. And you got excel ration- in your life. All right, my friend. I hope that you enjoyed that. Best of hep Assode was that inspiring where you fired up. Did you love it? If you did make sure you do me a favor, go out on social media somewhere. And share that episode. Just go out posted somewhere post yourself listening to make sure you hash tag, the Brendan show because when you do that I can look you up, and we could find you on Instagram posts that in the social media, and sometimes we do all expense paid trips to people we find we just randomly select people. We sent him gifts autograph books swag t shirts all expense paid trips some seminars. So make sure you you let us note share what you thought about this episode out there on the social media worlds. And then we can find you. And celebrate you and also I would love to invite you to join us in our high-performance monthly program. So just go to Brendan dot com forward slash monthly. That's Brendan dot com. Ford sash monthly that's where we do deeper dive trainings like you just heard, but we do that every single. Month, and there's some live QNA there. And I do some giveaways, and we give students in that monthly program. Tickets to my seminars and some extra special training on leadership. So make sure check it out at Brennan dot com Ford slash monthly. I appreciate you being part of this community of so many people dedicated to find that deeper drive of motivation and practicing high performance habits. So they can become extraordinary in their careers in your personal life in your health. You can live in extraordinary quality of life. And sometimes you just need a little bit more training and a little bit more nudge, a little more energy a little bit, more drive, and consistency. And I'm hoping that being part of this community with the Brennan show. I'm providing that to you in some way. So thank you, my friend for listening. I look forward to seeing you or listen in on the next episode of the B R E N D O N show.

Brennan Bouchard Brendan dot voidance high performance institute R E N D O Instagram Ford mardi Soliven B R E N D O president Doug Assode thirty years ten years forty year
100: The Cost of Avoiding Conflict is Personal Neglect.

SoberSoul Recovery: Addiction, Sobriety, and Beyond!

32:18 min | 1 year ago

100: The Cost of Avoiding Conflict is Personal Neglect.

"You're listening to the sober soul recovery podcast episode number one hundred welcome to the sober soul recovery podcast here. We shine a little light on the use of alcohol and drugs as a way of coping gene with our everyday stress. Each week will explore ways to start build a master a sober life that you don't need to escape from yeah Talk Talk Hi everyone it's Lynn Mattie from silver silver recovery and wow we've reached the hundred episode Mark Mark and that's pretty fabulous I kind of put my feelers out there to see. Gosh what should I do. Should I do a celebratory show. Should they put something something. Fancy Schmancy John and what I came down to is. I'm going to just do my regular old podcast and talk about something. That came came up a lot this past week in my life as a coat. And the counselor and also Something I've been pondering gene little bit more about when I do my self reflection time and that is the entire concept except that arises often especially when I see New People in my practice around fear and fear you're specifically around conflict and difficult conversations so today I WanNa talk about why that is happening to new way way many of us and what you can do to help you become less fearful full of having a difficult conversation or I'm gonNA use the word I'll use throughout this podcast quite a bit and that is to be assertive. There's really only three main types of communication when we're talking about our ability to passionately or dispassionately convey what we're really thinking and those three are passive on one side of the spectrum. Aggressive on the other and in the middle is assertiveness. So I wanNA talk a bit about. Why is it so hard especially difficult for women? So stay tuned buckle up and here we go first. Let's explore. What is is this difficulty that we have with hard or uncomfortable conversations? Why is it so so hard for us to actually say? Hey what we're thinking. These terms fall under a bigger umbrella in the psychological realm and that is conflict avoidance Y. Why are most people? So conflict avoidance conflict voidance can be classified. And you're probably going to recognize yourself in these these next three types of conflict avoidance. The first are those of us who ignore the problem altogether. And it's probably I believe the most common what we're doing is ignoring the problem. And this way we don't have to deal with that. How come all the time I hear this? Not only in my own head also recently with my clients and that that is for instance you know. How many times have you had a girlfriend? Tell you that or Guy Friend tell you that. They suspect their partner is messing around on them in. They talk about it more than once with you. oftentimes we're trying to alleviate that internal internal discomfort when we ignore the problem hoping that it goes away just by saying out loud to another person. But I'm not even sure when I've done it in the past that I realize that I'm going to that person over and over just to say that same thing again. The the second type are those of us who change the subject. Oh my gosh so funny I have a friend. Oh my gosh. I hope they're that listening. This person does that all the time when they're uncomfortable with what I'm talking about and I just ended up laughing because you know. Yeah I'm probably therapies in them a bit but they're my friends and I just laugh out loud. I'm like you're so uncomfortable with what I'm about to say anyway. It probably happens more than this one friend. So what we're trying to do. And we just subject is divert. The attention toot sweet very quickly quickly to something announce so that we can avoid a potential conflict or think it happens more often that that people are internally triggered and. They're not really sure why they're so uncomfortable. They just don't like it so changing the subject seems a really good idea and it may happen happen unconsciously and the third type are those of us who completely shut down. I would say I'm a mixture of all three Eh. But this was probably my go-to way of avoiding conflict at least at the very end of my drinking thinking career. I didn't WanNA talk about it. So if changing the subject or simply kind of acting like I didn't hear somebody didn't work I would just leave or say I can't deal with this right now. I've got to go more likely than not drink. And it just encouraged me this type this technique to stay away from the discomfort that I was clearly feeling mm-hmm which gets to the crux of the issue that I want to address around being conflict avoided and this happened all the time especially within facebook discussions for every person who is articulating a response not in an agreement not in Not Joining Onto The bandwagon of specific opinion. Somebody is stating in post. There is a large contingent the people who are saying nothing who are moving onto a different post even though they might have something to say about that post and what were her truly doing. Is suppressing our emotions. What we're doing is not fully communicating with another person we are creating disconnection from ourselves? I'll go into this a bit further in a bet but we're also disconnecting from our loved ones when we avoid conflict conflict is a natural part a building consensus. If we go along to get along you know that phrase what most of us will experience is as discontentment. Because we're not speaking our truth. Were not speaking out loud. What were thinking in our minds? So let me dig a little deeper super with US studying. Our inability to have conflict is so important because it goes to the heart of many of our emotional our psychological and personal achievement blocks. I is the emotional health aspect of it your mental wellbeing. If we're constantly avoiding conflict we we are suppressing our personal emotions. And you know I don't like that for you all I don't like it for me and and I don't like it for you. There have been multitudes and Meta analysis of research articles written on S. or they're mostly in agreement on is. This is very unhealthy. This conflict avoidance by pushing down our feelings constantly constantly avoiding conflict. It's more likely that will build up a volcanic reaction within our system system. It's going to surface and burst somewhere. In the way usually comes out is anxiety burst first of anger especially when we least expected because we are pushing this crap down. Tensions that arise Is Bubble up and spread to other areas of your life when it's seemingly Wackadoo you do that. They're coming out. It doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't make sense to the other person and there's a reason for that if you keep avoiding conflict this is going to happen more regularly that buildup of internal discontent because you've decided to prioritize aura. Ties avoiding the discontent the discomfort of having a conflict in lieu of punishing. Your internal attornal relationship with yourself. Another important thing to identify is that avoidance creates more more fear and who wants the hat constantly avoiding conflicts especially the M- relatively minor a day-to-day conflicts teaches your brain in a negative way that this is. What is keeping US safe from those unpleasant feelings failings and this is how we come to understand if we're paying attention that the voice inside us that inner critic that keeps telling us what we should do in order to not feel unpleasant feelings is keeping a stock? They're not your intuitive into a to voice. This person this voice inside of you is the culmination of years of suppressing your emotions to please other people to follow their roles. My take on. It is if you're avoiding conflict. You're avoiding what you need expressing what you need is necessary to get why you need in his them. Bummer of them all that because of how the brain works how you you are wired the more you avoid the more you get feelings of relief from avoiding the conflict which only works to reinforce I your. Let's say addiction to avoiding conflict so although it feels good at the time like shoe dodge that bullet. It's because you're not dealing with the problem that you're getting that relief and it is short lived in the long run. It will increase your fear in the long run. It's going to up your anxiety this avoidance. It's is going to increase your level of discomfort and fear. The concept is you need more conflict avoidance to get that relief if it is one of those strange aspects of how we're currently wired and I also believe that this disconnect from expressing expressing your truest beliefs and emotions as you know them taking new further away from your authentic self stores up up trauma in our body somatic symptoms of personal neglect not addressing. Your needs needs. Your emotional needs creates trauma for you. And then the last idea to promote around. Why understanding conflict conflict avoidance is so important to your emotional wellbeing is that we miss opportunities for growth when I take my clients through you? Know the awareness piece of what they're actually feeling learned from the feeling wheeled then moving on to bill. Lean more knowledge around why we are not allowing ourselves to understand how we feel by understanding how we me distract ourselves from feelings through different types of distorted thinking building toward the combination of expressing your feelings expressing your needs using ice statement so this last category of missed opportunities falls into what you can achieve Steve. And what I talked to my clients about when they've gain this insight into a pattern of conflict avoidance so much so that they're not getting their needs met at all therefore mind-reading other people insane things like they should know this about me and feeling healing. Just horrible a lot of internal turmoil. So the missed opportunity speaks directly to. What do we do when we have that? Inner Turmoil mm-hmm oil. How do I walk clients through those various first steps of identifying? How others behaviors make you feel how not talking talking? About hard topics makes you feel and then realizing all kinds of distorted thinking that have kept you stuck not talking about about how you feel avoiding conflict moving into the desire to actually have a discussion with somebody and practicing ways to let your body Atika used to that. There are so many situations that we neglect to take advantage of for our personal growth for for our deeper connection to other individuals knowing what we know now even pre Bernabei Brown. If you haven't heard me talk about her about how we connect through vulnerability vulnerability is the Queen of connection that these missed opportunities. He's would enhance our personal growth. Add to our ability to cope with anxiety and distress and emotional dysregulation and fear overcoming the fear of conflict that so often stifles in stunts. Our personal growth you know as a therapist And especially someone who works a lot with people with high anxiety and substance substance. Use Issues is pretty clear to me that a fear of confrontation is at the very core of what a lot of people need relief from That causes people a great deal of distress and that permeates through personal and work issues a relationship troubles and interpersonal connection difficulties. Many of these things When likely be resolved if only we were able to address our concerns and our feelings in open and direct manner? Many sometimes those of us who liked to be viewed as a peacemaker or not one to ruffle feathers someone who may be describes himself as going with the flow are in fact. I think hurting themselves and using excuses for their behaviors saviors to avoid confrontation and difficult but needed conversation. Whether it's an annoying co worker who I don't know laughs. It's too loud or whatever leaves junk. I had one CO worker who would not pay attention to trash bins. Just leaving stuff around all the time. Whatever it is that might really get on your nerves? We also often take that angst and because we don't think confronting that individual on this issue was worthwhile fear of confrontation our desire to avoid that at all cost. Consequently ends with the problem never been solved route and this is what distresses US internally when we have a need that goes unfulfilled and a need and for somebody to throw their trash way at work might fit into that category. Whatever a potential conflictual meaning that they're doing something you don't like what most of us are most comfortable doing is ignoring it and that distresses us by setting up this idea of an unmet need which goes on verbalised creates rumination that then moves on verbalised to resentment and eventually that resentment and will find its way out of you and very often? It causes us to soothe that unheard word need with substances or beam busy or kindling too much for having too much sex so we can continue tim you to ignore what we need in our lives. In particular we women are super good at hiding our needs and therefore were also good at building. Those resentments much of this is because that's how we are taught women are to behave. We've and the longer we are suppressing. Our own personal needs prioritizing others needs over hours and then getting lots of validation for doing that the longer we are in that pattern the more difficulty we have off with conflict and the most tragic result of this kind of perception closing down of our emotions again especially for women is that we learn that it is running for listening to this zoll recovery. Mr Has with me we midland Mattie I if you like my show and want to learn more checkout oversold their Chowdhury Dot net has Lee actually me a nicer view on. I eighteen. Join me here where to start building in here are some ways women we've seen personality personality. Criticisms such as being called the Bossie were told to watch their tone in around seventy five five percent of performance reviews in this one particular study appr- fairly big study and men on the other hand. Rarely he had comments made around their negative personality traits in the friend zone. oftentimes when when women are actually being assertive. Meaning they're expressing their feelings their passionate about their particular opinion. It is taken by many people many women other friends and of course men. I'm just not excluding but I'm talking about the friend zone known amongst women. This type of assertive behavior is seen as aggressive. Because of that low threshold that we've been taught and it's been ingrained in us as women that we must be passive in order to be presentable. Aw and that skews. Our understanding of what assertiveness really is hence assertive and direct women. Then often being told they're being aggressive in another statistics regarding women professionally. That really hurt. My heart was as women who are assertive or forceful are perceived as thirty five percent less competent. And you see this in here here. This everywhere from suggestions of how women could more moderately adapt their assertiveness governess tailoring it to specific circumstances. I'd like to make the point here. That oftentimes we think we need more. Self confidence wants to pull off these assertive statements and while confidence plays a role in becoming more assertive love. It really begins with you knowing how you feel about something. Really knowing how you feel and being able to articulate it being able to describe your feeling which leads you to what you need from another person or from yourself so if you know you're feeling and you know what you need you know what is okay with you in what is not okay with you. Around other people's behavior and just one verbal ization of that messing and imperfect as we all get with that kind of assertiveness. Third of NECE. How awkward it feels how you might tremble but just one occurrence of that is what feeds your self esteem? Not Yourself confidence you kind of have to rub up a little bit of your self confidence to get to sane those things out loud but no no matter how it turns out you have increased your self esteem. I call it growing your self esteem. Baby nurturing trine it it takes time but boy the more you do things that add a little development to that self self-esteem baby the more you will feel okay in more align your insides to your outsides. Already already. Then let's get into some solutions and in a small caveat to this is if you have trauma meaning if you have the symptomology symptomology of PTSD to the extent that it interrupts a lot of your life. Some of these solutions will not be for you and before you attempt doing some of them. That may feel really uncomfortable to you. I recommend you get with somebody. Somebody who's qualified to help mentor. You through that process and for me that means somebody who has the proper training somebody qualified in the field of mental health. So with that said let's look at some solutions. I we have to build that awareness identifying what is happening happening. You're not going to change your behavior unless you believe that your current way of doing things is not working for you any longer and when you're nervous or frightened to speak up. It's so very easy to convince ourselves that it's better to stay quiet so I want you to write down two things. How do you feel when you're experiencing this avoidance of conflict like I can whip out your feeling we'll or get a list of feelings and find the most accurate word that you can find for what you're feeling feeling? The second thing would be to write down the problems that you experience when you avoid confrontation and this may may take some focus some self reflection moments in your day but we have conflicts all the time that arise and one of the the again kind of weird things that I've noticed over. The years is when people are deep deep deep in conflict avoidance. They can't see the conflicts in in their lives. So you may need some time to practice identify near caught flicks and then figuring out how you feel and what problems in in your life can be directly connected to avoiding that conflict some examples could be feeling consistently stressed after you see a person a certain person or you return home from work every day feeling stressed very likelier avoiding conflict with that feeling one of stress. But I want you to dig deeper into what quote stress means to you. What is that fear? Also look to your relationships. They're easy easy mining for conflict and try to figure out how you feel around certain conversations that you avoid every couple couple every relationship has them. So what is the fee. Lean when you think about talking to that person or persons about that subject if somebody is consistently hurting your feelings and maybe you've even become numb to that start thinking about how you feel around around certain people or how you feel around them when certain subjects come up next make a list of what you just despite gain from speaking up what problem might be solved. How might you feel better be really specific about the things that you could would gain not that you should but you could a little? CBT consider and reconsider. Your assumptions concerns that you have your values and beliefs about confrontation. Fear of confrontation is often based on these inherited. Values and beliefs also assumptions thoughts as simple as confrontation is bad pieces. Good and really fleshing those out if you don't know by now confrontation is not only healthy but is absolutely necessary to live with peace and contentment knowing that might be a little tough for some of you out there. But it's true dat and for those of you who are saying. I'm never going to address this super monumental issue that I have in my relationship or multiple multiple issues in relationships. Here's a good news item for you. You can start super small in fact. I advocate starting super small. A dishwasher issue how somebody organizes your side of the bed. I don't know whatever it is for you start really small so that you don't half to build up anticipation of this catastrophic outcome also distorted thinking just saying don't make Michael Lengthy list of something adding on resentment after resentment. Just choose one little minor resentment and go after that two more little tips antrix for you and then we're done for the day but I wanted to really give us shout out to the I statement. Everyone I talked to about the I statement unrolls there is at me literally or otherwise and I feel your pain. I hate them too but I will tell you. It's always is statement meant leading into sending a boundary that makes me feel powerful. That makes me feel more like me so to that end and learn the I statement. There's lots of different versions out there. But I feel ex- when you do acts because soft gentle gentle reacts nation of how you feel and then so I need you to do X.. Always have the consequence in mine. And I'm telling you that's the number one full. Stop Best Advice I can give you about an I statement yet. Just don't have to use it but get comfortable trouble with what you're going to consequences your behavior change. Not the other person's when they fail to accept the need that you ask them that needs statement so I need you to stop saying that way. That's a favorite one of mine when people have these triggering statements oftentimes because of trauma. I ask them to practice asking the other person to just not say that way. Please just find a different way to say it and for my loyal listeners. This should not come as a surprise when I'm GonNa leave you with last to think about in hopefully do and that is to keep practicing one small step at a time. Communication is not a science. It's an art and if we embrace racist as a needed part of our daily lives that we can get creative with. I don't know that perspective helped me. So Oh take a peek at how you build practice into your day. What works for me may not work for you? What works in in one situation may not work in another situation so to really get a feel of who you are and how you can be comfortable comfortable with difficult conversations yet got up practice you gotta get out there and spread your assertive wings? A A little bit. Consider your efforts a work in progress because because I endorse you looking at it like a lifetime of of a work in progress who needs to be perfect. I promise you full hearted promise right here now that if you practice this in our imperfect and messy you're still gonNa feel better that's all for today. peeps take care. Be well and I'll talk to you very very soon.

US Lynn Mattie US John facebook Mark Mark partner PTSD Bernabei Brown Steve tim Mr Has Michael Lengthy Chowdhury Dot Lee seventy five five percent thirty five percent
Giving Autonomous Aircraft a Moral Compass

Aviation Week's Check 6 Podcast

23:08 min | Last month

Giving Autonomous Aircraft a Moral Compass

"You're listening to the checks podcast. Brought to you by editors across the aviation week network listeners. now have access to special subscription office including a preferential rate for aviation week and space technology. Going to podcast aviation week dot com to learn more. Hello and welcome to this week's check six podcast. I'm greg mark aviation executive editor for technology. Today we're going to ask. Will we ever be able to trust an autonomous aircraft. Nasa is working to ensure that we can and joining us to find out. How a my colleague. Guy norris aviation weeks western. Us bureau chief and our special guest. Marc scoop the principal investigator for at nasa strong flight research center in california a lot about tony and artificial intelligence in aviation particularly in the context of urban taxes an unmanned cargo aircraft. Tony and i are not same thing but they are potentially very complimentary using machine learning to train algorithms to automate takeoff and landing autonomously plan optimum flightpaths recognized obstacles and avoid collisions and identify safe. Landing sites along a route has tremendous potential to make aviation safer. But there is a problem. And here i will grossly oversimplify impart to avoid showing my own lack of real knowledge. The software used in today's avionics such as those pilots and digital flight controls is deterministic. That means the same in input always produces the same output and three rigorous analysis on testing. We can prove to the regulators like the faa that our system will always be safe machine. Learning algorithms non deterministic. Same input doesn't always produce the same output because of some change in the environment inner around an aircraft. It might decide to turn left. not right. And because we fully understand what goes on inside a machine learning algorithm. No amount of testing can guarantee to the regulated. The system will always behave safely. So how do we safely unlock all those great capabilities. That me and i promise. How do we wanna tournaments aircraft to only handle all the functions. A pilot has to today but also safely make all the decisions a pilot has to make. That's what nasa is working on. I'm not gonna handover to guy we'll give it a bit of background to wear glasses look came out of and he'll introduce a special guest. Marc guy thanks. Yeah that's Well looking at this subject today because of a lot of research that goes by more than twenty years really to program. That's now called the Automatic ground clinton voidance system as part of a auto g cass. And of course. We're very familiar this any of our readers who've been following this for years we'll know that aviation weeks been lucky enough at the invitation of nassar in the air force to follow the development of author g s and the subsequent water a the airborne collision avoidance system through the decades. Now this work that talking with mark today is really really stems out of all of that early work. These are safety upgrades that were developed. Principally with lockheed martin and the air force research the borrow tree for the sixteen and subsequently the f thirty five and soon to be other aircraft too. So it's already saved in in service Ten ten aircraft and eleven pilots for sure. So that's a remarkable success story and the success of that in general prompted nasa to begin looking at the wider potential applications to general aviation unmanned systems and potentially even more applications beyond that. Now this work really dovetailed into something called a joint capability technology demonstration. Which with this program was called resilient autonomy. That was a joint effort between nasa the secretary of The opposite st officer the secretary of defense and the faa and it specifically targeting an architecture and the method of potential certification as. You mentioned graham for these highly autonomous aircraft. So i know that's compressed twenty plus years into just a minute or two but perhaps you could strike for a little bit of where this has come from and really way. You're going now because it's really a the. The rubber meets the road as it were now on the flight tested. Just just around the corner. Yes well thank in first off. Thanks for having me today. I really appreciate the opportunity. Be able to share with our work that we're doing and hopefully it'll help others. Achieve similar results issa will. Our goals are Specifically yet the way were approaching this is. It's a discipline called runtime assurance It is a discipline that technique that began quite a few years ago I think primarily within core an flight control systems We've kind of expanded that concept. What runtime assurance does In the portion of it that we're leveraging here is to to monitor a boundary a safety boundary. And you think of gecas you're talking about the hitting the ground. Where is the point. That safety aches needs to take priority over the mission conduct conduct as opposed to the mission. And if you can define that boundary and software and monitor it you can then allow the mission to take place until now that pry. The safety party needs to control the mission. And we then take from the mission execution whether it's the pilot or it's a thomas aircraft and make sure we avoid penetrating that boundary as soon as we've avoided the boundary. Were sure were no longer going to imminently breach it. We then give control back to whatever it was. It was controlling it. So do you think about gecas. We let the pilot fly Conduct level missions. We make sure it's nuisance free if they get too close to the ground and they're about hit the ground we then take over briefly. Locked the pilot out avoi- Performed the avoidance maneuver and immediately control back to the pilot that concept is at a top level the way runtime assurance architectures are developed now as far as complexity goes you. There's there's an there can become an issue if you now's like okay. We'll use that technique and we'll protect against all the possible hazards will if you lump all of that. Logic into one single boundary monitoring algorithm it to becomes complex and just as difficult to certify as an artificial intelligence system so what's unique to our approach is deciding to not combine all of those monitors of the boundary into one single algorithm. We functionally separate them into individual tasks not unlike the a pilot flies. If you're concerned about the ground you take a moment to observe your surroundings. Take in your situation awareness. I either okay. Or i'm not i then let me then take a look at traffic around me. You have to do a scan pattern. It's taught all pilots are taught this sort of thing and it's it is a natural human thing you do. Need to kind of look at each task individually assess that taking the broader context of things in your strategic mission planning. But it's not tenable when you're reacting to very time sensitive yo crit safety critical task the now the good thing about this remarkable thing about this because you mentioned the idea of having multiple Sensors and being able to put this into an architecture. And i think one of the intriguing aspects is then. Okay well if you look. Amy warnings from these different senses. Which one is the most important and wenchuan which warning like you're going to hit the ground or you're going to hit another aircraft could describe how you decide what's really unique about the system. The way that you were able to architect that system and and this idea of a almost like i'm the moral. Compasses colour but anyway go ahead i. It's so just basic flying. If you have a young a potential a multiple controls two seater fighter or a normal aircraft where you have a pilot and co-pilot there are very well established rules for who is controlling the aircraft at a time. It's just you've got to do it that way. Even in any organization you have to have a a very well. Well-defined a chain of command if you will so similarly we need to embed that within our logic and like you say okay well you don't wanna have a force fight between these different monitors saying well you know. We're about to hit the airplane. So i'm going to go here. You ground collision avoidance. We'll wait with rocks over there. I want to go the opposite direction towards that airplane safe to make a decision and when humans are faced with that think of driving down a road and a tumbleweed rolls out in front of you. Or let's say a cat jumps out in front of you. A little less adult valley specific analogy You'd have to decide well okay. What are my surroundings do i. Is it safe enough for me to avoid hitting that animal without jeopardizing mile life or others. So you make this decision and act. Accordingly and other. We may not all have the same morals. Or if you will. I'm using air quotes on morals that our decision logic and how we wait the various consequences we do go through that process. So what's important understand is. We're trying to develop a structure that does that and so in a runtime assurance. Ta network everything comes down to a switch that is deciding who has control the aircraft. And when i mentioned the simple if you think of gecas the pilot controls it until you're about to reach the boundary. The monitor says nope you no longer should be controlling the aircraft i'm going to recovery maneuver and give it over to the flight controls. It's what does that switch. We have multiple monitors going into that switch so because we have a multiple multi monitor amateurs architecture. We have to govern which switch position we go to d- to say which monitor has control the aircraft so each monitor has to make an assessment as to what the consequences will be if it is not allowed to control the aircraft. So in the case of the cat versus yell a ditch or a cliff that you're gonna fly off. You would apply some waiting factor to running over a cat versus plunging off a cliff and you would most likely give it your judgment. Pick the one. That has the least consequence. It's an unfortunate outcome but there it is where we start to get a different area indicating a deterministic system as you mentioned earlier graham. You have a very specific architecture. How you do it. In this case you now can bring in the rules of behavior that provide the weighting of consequences so our architecture does not want to emphasize does not dictate what that waiting should be. It provides a framework that allows you to plug in that that those rules of behavior that provide the waiting for making these decisions and each monitor goes to that that those rules of behavior to calculate its consequence of then share that to the moral compass and the world cup of purely select. What is the highest consequence. And that's who's going to control the vehicle and market. You mentioned to me when we talked about this. And i should mention by the way. This system is called the expandable variable autonomy architecture or e either. And you mentioned to me. We're really great analogy. About how either really is trying to teach sort of the rules of behavioral most of the to the system as it goes along a better in in a way like a parent with a child. And you kind of this analogy to to the ultimate point where you give it the call as when it gets to eighteen years. Exactly why would you cut through that a little bit. Yeah exactly so is. I talked to the public. It's good to give an analogy. A lot of us have gone through parenting and raising children. Ed as you're a parent and you have a little toddler. And if you've got a front yard you may let the child play the front yard but there's very likely a street right next to the yard and so you've got to be very careful watch because you don't want that child or out in the street you got if you if you're in a city and crossing a street what we do. We take the pile that we take the a child's hand at rs and we walk across the street with that child. Hand it ours. Were holding that child. Constraining its behaviors. The can't run up because at child. Why do we do that. Because the child doesn't know what can hurt it and so We have to and that's very that's exactly the way we unmanned aircraft. Today we have the hand holding goes through a command control link between the vehicle and the pilot and the pilot is basically has his hand oh as at. Uav's controls in his hand and is making sure that road off into the street through something bad but a day comes at every parent's life. Ideally where they toss the car keys to the kid and say be backed by ten and will what trance what transpired between having to hold the child's hand crossing the street and now you're going to let them drive with you know one plus vehicle Through the streets with other similar hazards running around well. What happened is we as parents. Ideally taught that child the rules of behavior of the consequences of actions. What can hurt them. What how they could hurt others in that Using that vehicle and that through their actions have proved to us that they can observe those rules on their own and therefore we have the trust to hand them the keys to the family car and let them go out for the evening. So what we've done is in the in the eva architecture. We've created this ability to embed rules of behavior as defined by a regulator or whoever has authority for where this vehicles can operate and then through our flight tests in our simulation tests. We send the vehicle through many hazardous situations so that it could show a that. It will observe those rules of behavior and with sufficient data. Whenever we get to that point we should have a body that we could bring forward say we can trust this as much as a human To be able to observe these rules of behavior and therefore is that sufficient is society willing to accept now that vehicle to go out. And there's a proof case it's going to be a burden of approved case on anybody bring a vehicle for this to really fly it out there in in the air Close to the public or anywhere out there that it can sufficiently trusted to do that and that will come with data just like that. We typically gather during flight tests. So i would say it says that the day you throw the caucus the kansas when they finally wear you down with begging for. But i've got to jump in here and say that one thing that's fascinating when i read guys story about eva and you'll description. The system is the flexibility of this to set the rules. It's not just. These are not just a standard set of rules that you might give a pilot. You can actually use a situation rules. You make the point you can actually have one set rules this vehicle is flying out in the desert you sites out somewhere out in the oklahoma you know the the wild lines of oklahoma it s. He's doing its mission sites delivering something or eat flies into the airspace over t- tulsa it brings in the rules. The local authority says for privacy and noise. And all these things. These are all things that the flexibility. That system has extraordinary. Because to me. Because i think i think the key to trusting autonomy and five actually make a really good point in story where in your own flight testing the was there was a constituency was worried about disturbance. Do some sort of a wild animals or whatever and you said we should care about that. We should build that into the vehicles rules of behavior and to me. That's that is exactly the type of approach that we need to build trust because then people will see. These vehicles are obeying a set of rules that they could understand. You know that somebody on the ground can see vehicle is when it's flying over doing its deliveries. They concedes behaving in a way that minimizes the disturbance it staying away from schools and the less stuff you know and i think that's really key ultimately to gaining this acceptance of them of ptolemy autonomous vehicles. So it if. I could carry that thread a little bit further. Tha the specifics of what. We're trying to embed within architecture eva to to enable that and make that usable within a certification system and a developer. The billy to manifest this kind of thing Bring each rule like wait a minute. This could become a complex system. How flicked and data so that well. Okay fortunately our group our work going back to automatic gas stems from a core group. That was a big involved with bringing digital computing into aviation back to the very early eighty s on the very first high-performance digital aircraft. And so we've seen the struggles with software. Vbb architectures effectively complex systems as we develop them. And so what we chose to do odd. The i'll say the nasa side a bit more. We really really emphasize and folks it was. We have to be really careful about how we develop a software architectures. If it's going to remain understandable and folks will be able to know. This is a deterministic outcome. Given these situations so we've created a software structure and architecture that strongly emphasize Minimal software code common structures of of how you develop algorithms in fact our latest version that we're running just as the last month uses a common collision avoidance architecture We were going to call it. Generic collision avoidance system. But that's acronyms already taken so we've seen for it yet Stay tuned but And so we use the very same code. Avoid aircraft as we do terrain as we do obstacles as we do airspace as we do Whether we can bring whether and we don't and infectious yesterday. I was on a call. Somebody was presenting some information on whether they very eager to visit way. We could even says. Wow you know i said to myself. Gosh what you've got there. We could probably plug in. And if we had of flying aircraft that was flying this right now but we could plug it into sim. Probably have it running and checked out in less than four weeks. We we don't have weather of wins and our system now but just knowing what you've got you share your interface with us. We could probably have it up and going in four weeks. i believe. And we've seen this time in a very bold statement in the software world but in truth we had folks come in. I was like well. What about this. What about this. How can you add that. Can you add this. And truly we've found it with our architecture. It literally is only a few lines of code to bring in whole new capabilities We can easily layer on more and more systems us. Oh the architecture that that the framework behind all of this that we're talking about is very flexible now. This is a challenging thing in the aviation world to have accepted because our industry for extremely stovepipe knits development and especially software. The yes like well who wants to take ownership of somebody else's code good grief. That's just crazy you know. That's he kept the business case on that. So we're really trying to break that barrier a and we do have w folks that are boldly. considering that i've i've i've i'm surprised That we have In you know some semi player relatively major players considering it and evaluating for that purpose right now good okay well we have to wrap up here guy any very very brief closing thoughts or before i wrap up now just I'm looking forward to seeing some of the flight. Testing that i believe is going to be later this year. So we'll bring you. We will bring our audience backup. Today's later in the year. We'll get back to talk about how it all works. So i am just scared for that. Wrap up for this week's check six which is now available for download on itunes stitcher. Google play on spotify. Whatever they are special thanks to our producer in washington. D don thomas and thank you for your time and join us again next week for another check six.

nasa greg mark Guy norris Marc scoop nasa strong flight research ce nassar faa air force graham issa Marc tony Tony clinton martin california mark Amy Uav oklahoma
Making End-of-Life Decisions

The BreakPoint Podcast

04:24 min | 2 years ago

Making End-of-Life Decisions

"They we're all going to die one day. Are you prepared? Yes. I mean for heaven, but also have you made decisions about how to handle your medical care for the Colson center. I'm John Stonestreet. This is break. So what is your family discuss on Christmas Eve, the beautiful lights may be some childhood holiday memories? Hopefully, the immeasurable gift of the incarnation and the love of God. Well, according to the online medical journal stat you should've talked about the importance of advance medical directives. Dave berry likes to say, I'm not making this up in an article published on of all days Christmas Eve stat told readers that advanced directives are a perfect holiday conversation yet breakout that eggnog if you're unfamiliar with the term in advance directive is a legal document in which a person specifies what actions should be taken for their health. If they are no longer able to make decisions for themselves because of illness or incapacity, the most basic example of an advanced directive is a do not resuscitate order. There are also more complex ones like. Living wills that. Specify what kind of treatment the person will or will not receive while. I disagree. That Christmas is the best moment for this discussion stats absolutely right to say that people should be thinking about their medical care and should be discussing it with their loved ones as bioethicists Wesley j. Smith notes, preparing an advanced directive is an important task given the evolving economics of medicine, but as Smith and others pointed out there are far more than just merely economic considerations. That need to be discussed our plans for the end of our lives all to carefully reflector deepest convictions about the sanctity of human life from conception to natural death done badly in advanced directive is kind of like a prenuptial agreement. Just like a prenup assumes the impermanent marriage, many advanced directives create a presumption in favor of death, and efficiency and an all out of voidance of suffering over the sanctity of human life, watched the language beware whenever the term quality of life as defined by medical professional. Is elevated over the sanctity of life that's inherent to all image bears. And especially look out for economic undertones in advanced directives. Economically driven decisions about the end of life will only reflect an advance our culture of death. This is especially true. When directives use broad an imprecise language, which many do language that opens the door to a purely utilitarian approach to the end of life care. And here's another problem. Many advanced directives operate is if our lives belong only to ourselves as if all that matters is what we want when it comes to pain suffering or treatment, his signature is what they think by the way, I mean that husbands belong to their wives and vice versa, and parents belong to their kids and vice versa, and all of us belong to extended families communities and churches, and then there's this year's can pass between the writing of an advanced directive and death. So you might be subjecting your loved ones to a decision you may long ago. Oh, when they have actually more information about the options than you ever. Even knew about just as a life lived impure autonomy. Never ends. Well, neither does death. Now. Fortunately, there are alternatives to advance directives and living wills one of these is what's called a durable. Power of attorney, which designates a trusted person, a friend or a family member to handle your affairs. If you become mentally or physically incapacitated, keyword here. Of course, is trusted someone with whom you share convictions about the sanctity of human life and who's prepared to act on them even in the face of pressure. This keeps decisions about care out of the soul, hands of hospitals or doctors who might embrace an agenda or belief system diametrically opposed to yours. The look I understand this isn't the most pleasant of subjects, but it's a pointed to mand wants to die and after that to face judgement, the knowledge of this should prompt us, not only want to live, but also to die as well as we can marrying witness to our convictions about whose we are. And who? Who serve and be sure to check out. Today's breakpoint podcasts worn Cole. Smith speaks with Ben Mitchell about individual decisions advanced directives and a growing threat and popularity of doctor assisted suicide again. Tune in at breakpoint dot org or wherever you listen to podcasts for breakpoint, I'm John Stonestreet.

John Stonestreet Smith Colson center Dave berry mand Cole attorney Ben Mitchell one day
Jon Ronson

10 Things That Scare Me

06:56 min | 2 years ago

Jon Ronson

"Approach. Listener's support W N Y C studios. Number one anxiety attacks. I've got this happy about myself that I don't which is that seventy s today, I've got cancer. I say what's it feel like I've come. In any way. One time. I ask that. Deep in the car crash. I said what what does it feel like a very bad car crash and her reply was. One minute car was like best friend, and then the next minute like in the blink of an eye to become like, a cut of jacket weapon of torture, actually within such kind of Betty for torture device. I kind of feel the same way about anxiety attacks. It just makes you, you know, your state can alter very quickly, and I find that I find that quite frightening. Embassy to Twitter. I voted fears ago about social media shaming and as a result. People who enjoyed social media shaming decided to try and get me. So that was kind of concerted efforts to do that for a couple of months, and I just remember waking up at three in the morning and. You go into the bathroom and checking Twitter, and there were nine hundred notifications like just while I slept nine hundred people had an opinion on me. And I'm an inch so live. You know, I found it overwhelming. Number three germs which is quite a new one for me. Number four, not being able to reach my summit three AM. I started downloading all of these apps that tell you like about crimes happening in New York City because if I can reach like if I phoned him if he wasn't in it to in the morning, and I found him and he didn't pick up the phone. How would then immediately goes all of those apps to see whether somebody matching his description had been in an accident said I wasn't. Mel wasn't good. I'll help but then I found out like every out became aware of Africa cracking appaling in New York City. You know, what I discovered happens a lot more new city than imagine scaffolding for people. Number five not being out to provide for my family. Number six, my dogs running away. After talks flop in flopping Jesse. I can't Jesse off the because I she just runs away. And I just freak. She's not like one of those super dog. She September on the street. That woke logs are their own without a leash. I mean, I guess this just a total trust between human dog. But I could never do that. I can never do that. And then I'm stuck in within the holy shit thing, which I don't like either because master surf and share. Comes to with that. I would even be on a level playing field with Josie. Number seven. Guessing things ethically wrong. Number eight conflict. Number nine conflicts voidance. In most situations are not actually even I don't like conflict not conflict verse. But in certain situations, I am conflict of void. And then what happens is I- ruminate, then come up with things that you should've said sometimes know you'll let little tiny little yellow frustration. And then you think I'm one of those middle aged Jews the Upper West side, New York that thing. Number ten. Parties and saying the wrong thing in social situations. Studio within visible. Battiston? Boy, she was she was huge in there in the eighties is practically Madonna's level fame. Anyway, she told me a story, and the story was that she was a massive fan of Elvis Costello's. And she was like an office costano after party, and she talked him and just a massive fan. And did you enjoy the show? And she heard herself say it went on a bit. And she went home and didn't leave a house fears. She tied. I mean, we're laughing because it's so shocking. Honestly, I identified with that. Twenty years ago. I would that story and I thought well that's like another planet. No longer feels like another planet. My name is Jon Ronson face attend things sky may. The ten things Jim includes Amy Pearl Daniel met, Sarah samba, Emily Boutin, polish human Joanna solitaire off a Melissa Chiu said music and sound design by Isaac Jones. You know, what scares me? Flat tires. What are you? Scared of tell us at ten. Thanks, podcasts dot org.

Twitter Jesse New York City Betty Elvis Costello Jon Ronson Isaac Jones New York Melissa Chiu Mel Africa Josie Jim Emily Boutin Amy Pearl Daniel Sarah samba Twenty years One minute
Shocking May jobs report, here's why you should 'take all of these reports with a grain of salt'

Yahoo Finance Presents

08:11 min | 1 year ago

Shocking May jobs report, here's why you should 'take all of these reports with a grain of salt'

"From Yahoo Finance this is a world interrupted. So. Yeah, I think given that we saw insult positive surprise the ADP I think we were somewhat You're ready for this. report as well coming out for today on your overall, the market really has been shrugging off. A lot of these job reports. It really hasn't been. As focused I think we understand that saw a lot of people are going to be filing or continue to file on. There's indefinite delay in actual reporting and so I. I don't see this being as big of a mover today. As just more of this sentiment are around the reopening of the economy. So Erin. Do you think that today's Nice Big Rally? Is the market just getting ahead of itself a little bit of being, too? Enthusiastic here because when you look at fresher economic data like continuing jobless claims actually rose in the latest week. We still have twenty. Two million people drawing unemployment claims in this country, so we're still in a in a pretty deep hole. Wouldn't you say? Yeah I, mean we're looking over unemployment end looking at just economic data, that's a little more leg but certainly they look at the overall expectations of where we're going to come into their country, and how long this take were looking at twelve to twenty four months. Se this rally early just for the today in this morning coming off of somewhat of a slightly negative day, the gross stocks really got hit. You really was you know the better of the Alpha former yesterday, and so it's not unexpected insensitive of a bounce back after after yesterday's action, so I'm not so sure that this is going to be necessarily continue. That will be saying despite the end of the day there might be a little more of a subdued nature in again, you know. We knew it was GONNA be positive. Just because the you know the previous ADP reports, so I think you have to take all of these reports with a grain of salt, because we know that the numbers are changing the so quickly so much volatility in there's just issues with actually recording and people actually reporting a jobs mendham Bernie numbers. And and again worth noting we're still. Waiting for president trump to give a press conference following these surprising report airy. What specific stocks do like a report like this? So I really focused on balancing and strong cash flow is well. Is Credit Worthiness High Quality Stocks particularly as you've seen just slew of bankruptcies. Come out and I think this is just the beginning again. We're looking at like twelve to twenty four months recovery, so you've gotta be able to have a good strong balance sheet to table to withstand attracted imprint like along retracted business, activity, and to some of the socks. I like our cloud. Services offers services so F, five networks Microsoft IBM. Is also like a few specialty retailers particularly well during riches scenario periods. And so Home Depot Lowe's showroom William, all of those sort of home improvement stocks in often lead well. I'm particularly your combined. We're also seeing a lot of people who of cities and try to move. Hinson to your own. In new construction buildings, and so again, he's the type of stocks at do well whether you're either buying a new home moving out of the cities, or if again if we're still a very much focused on staying in home more, you might want to put a new coat of paint on those four walls that you have to look at so much longer. That sounds good. I'll I area. You make of the those. Stocks that have been beaten down the most during this pandemic, namely the Travel Stocks Hotel. Hotel airline stocks cruise liners, which are actually doing quite well today as jared pointed out earlier as people take advantage of those rock bottom prices in some areas, but do you. Are you invested in those in those sectors and argue bullish on? I think those for me. They're very short term training and we saw a bit of a property airlines yesterday as well. So far for me I, think those are the industries. We know there's consolidation. It's very unlikely it when we come out of this in the two years later they we're going to have the same number of airlines and and just as many hotels. You're really not sure who. AVOID BANKRUPTCY OR WE'RE GONNA. See more consolidation in the voidance We also know that business travel is very likely going to be hit. We've all gotten used to be able to doing video conferencing. We've all become very adapted whether it's. It's Zimmer. Webex or or your Google. Microsoft needs. And so that was one of the major profit centers for a lot of these travel hotel, and airlines and I see that as being a long term secular trend of West business travel, and so I really feel that. Given that you're working in an industry that could be continuing decline, even as the economy recovers isn't an area that I necessarily want to be invested in, and that's why I'm more focused on software technology cloud services, as we move more and more into that space, and just being a longer term trend. Era when you talk to clients in Alexis mentioned this earlier do since irrational exuberance, starting to form our people starting to just foam at the mouth like I wanNA. Get in this market and I'm getting concerned missing out. And I actually my clients are saying. This market is so high. So I don't think a lot of people missing out or are being concerned that they are invested in most my clients. Seed invested and didn't take out or if they did take out the march very comfortable with that I think we're really most in most of. Large money managers are really concerned that we're looking at such extraordinary valuations, and the Margaret really is moving off of fundamentals were moving off of sentiment around. Case numbers by their. How how whether reopening economy vaccines so it really basic economic numbers so the jobs? Fortunately the church him affect, but. Really sentiment about the virus and opening up the economy, rather than fundamentals in part of that is just so hard to predict what's going to happen in such a volatile. Unprecedented in an unpredictable environment and so it does make me a little concerned that it'd be very hard to sustain. These types of levels were looking at such a again definitely, a recession coming ahead in the goal recession an end. It is a bit concerning about some of these levels these stocks. Thank you for listening to a world interrupted from Yahoo Finance. For more coverage on the corona virus and its economic impact make sure to watch bell to bell live programming throughout the day. You enjoyed this episode head over to Apple PODCASTS and leave us a five star rating in review their. The meantime, stay safe. Take care of yourself. And we'll get through this.

Yahoo Microsoft Travel Stocks Hotel Erin president bell Webex Hinson jared Apple Alexis Margaret Google twenty four months two years
Avoiding avoidance

Angst of Faith

11:27 min | Last month

Avoiding avoidance

"All right so today. We're going to talk. About avoidance avoid is different from procrastination because procrastination is just putting things off that you wanna do. Such as i have to wash the car. I have to get the mail. I have take the garbage out. I have to fix this. I have to fix that. Procrastination is things you don't want to do at work. Thank you wanna do at home. Thanks you put up because of just pure laziness. However avoidance is something. Like i've done today. I've avoided for last eighty two nine hours doing this. Podcast because avoidance to me and like you who have social anxiety is absolutely crippling in terms of when it takes effect in your life My favorite way to avoid you know how they have the fight flight method or instinct for me. For avoidance i fleet. I run away no matter what it is it could be in the middle of a social event. It could be something important at work. It could be just here being terrified of speaking to the microphone and guinea up enough nerve and talking to yourself or oh. I don't know three or four hours just to say. Hey you can do this. That's what avoidance is avoidance is for me. My mechanism is fleeing running away. There have been many times. I've gone great links to avoid such as running to another state stain overnight somewhere things that i just wanted to avoid social situations that i family events social gatherings parties things that was invited to that. I was just so overwhelmed things at work. The just drove me absolutely off the wall a presentation. I had to do something. That just the chemical imbalance. I have to wear everything in my body was telling me to run away. And i've ran away. Many times has ruined my life. I would say in some cases. Yes or no People who really don't understand why you run away. They obviously know. Then something's wrong with you. Had you can't really explain. It said oh. I have social anxiety. Are you diagnosed. I'm seeing a therapist. Are you taking pills. Yes but i'm still going to run away my entire life. I've wanted nothing but to be left alone. I think it was age. Eleven or twelve that. I've found out what i wanted to do in life. I didn't want to be some great politician. I didn't want to be a firefighter. Didn't want to be a policeman. Didn't wanna be a doctor a lawyer. I wanted to be by myself. I wanted a piece of land where there will be nobody around me and i could be by myself. Do i have that yet. Nope not at all. It's life has been absolutely challenging to say the least but going through that rant. I understand the people who i'm talking to. The people who listen to this program are going through the exact same things. I'm going through so let me tell you how as hard it is for me. From avoidance to confront. It usually what i do for. Avoidance is i write down all the things of trying to avoid. I know therapist told you all. Write it down. write it down. Yeah yeah some people. It does great things other people. It's like what are you talking about me. I write down just to have something to look at. And then i talked to myself as zany in craziest. Sounds i talked to myself. I talked to myself about everything. I've written down on the piece of paper. Whatever i'm trying to avoid. I talked myself for our worse to get enough nerve to actually do two things. I've tried to avoid or to participate in whatever function that i'm trying to avoid. Has that always work. No no the methods. I'm giving you not all the time has worked the method. I don't recommend that. I did. And i have do currently doing drinking. I know this is a christian based program and many of you might be taken aback but drinking has helped me a lot. I'm not alcoholic. But i drink heavily during social situations because people tell on the happy drunk. I'm not telling you to get drunk. That is the wrong answer. Feel horrible and you have no idea what happened the night before but people have liked me when i'm drunk. Because all my social avoidance issues go away. Prayer prayer helps a lot. And it's something. I've recently been doing like i said this has been Trusting lowered and being in obedience to him something new to me and maybe next week i will share that story. 'cause i i know i need to share a testimony story before i i guess. Continue this any further but for those of you who are still listening to my rant. Usually prayer going to the word and running things down and talking to myself for three things that actually helped to fight avoidance talking to a therapist definitely helps. I recommend anybody who's going through anything. If you're alone. Like i am in have very limited support to talked with therapists. I don't care how much cost there are. Some people who will do for discount again for veterans. I know that the wounded warrior project has a thing for twelve free sessions And those of you around the world talk to somebody it could be a minister could be a guru An email. i don't know who's listening to this program. It's free to everybody but just talk to somebody. The is a huge problem. As a problem. I deal with every day. And it's there's more to it than you know people say. Oh what's wrong with you just cowboy up or get back on the saddle again and you know yada yada yada and all that fun stuff but these are the things that helped me to i. Guess avoid since that's a term you could use the writing down the prayer and go into god's word it's really calming soothing. Listening to music might help. Somebody doesn't help me. But those are the three things i do. That can help me Overcome the avoidance situation. And do what i need to do. So that's all. I have to share with you this week. again like i said. I've been avoiding this for almost ten hours now Sometimes it's really hard to do this. But i feel that if i can help just one other person that it's all worth and so close like we always do enter prayer and this one will be focused on voidance heavenly father. Father god we come before you right now and those listening i know who suffer from social anxiety and so suffer void in such as what i suffer from are deeply deeply hurting lord. Emily father we just cry out to you and call out to you heavenly father to help us. With our avoidance lord. People scare us. There's fear there's doubt there's anxiety and not just in a mental element but physical element there as well father. We ask that. You will calmer spirit's heavenly father that you will give us the courage and a guide to conquer our voice so that we may do the things that we need to do. Whatever it may be and father we put our faith and our trusting you. We thank you so much for loving us and for saving our soul thank you for blessing our lives and she's a stay up. Pray amen and for those of you listening. Thank you very much as always and please have a wonderful wonderful wonderful week. And god. bless you

guinea Emily
From Labour Conference: McDonnell vs Big Business

Coffee House Shots

10:13 min | 2 years ago

From Labour Conference: McDonnell vs Big Business

"About coffee has shows spectators daily politics. Podcasts, Sandra in bay is for hardman net current, and we are live at labor conference in Liverpool is just jumping Donal take to the conference hall and to live his speech shadow chancellor. What's he have to say, well, do you think it was very good speeches, clan coach into non assists of way thought things Kompong for the British economy and how he thought labour could fix it. And there was a real emphasis on the top of being ready for government ready for the next election, ready to implement tuna vs re-nationalization policies and tax policies. And so he had a number of announcements and it one was on tax voidance. He wants charity organizations, trade unions church to come together for become pain for fat tax Selo new best companies have shares in companies that Pang fish of tax, which was a clever things too, because labor can do that now. So they have to wait. Being governor, they can show that getting missiles for something, and he was so unashamed in his sessions. While I'm here for c. started with this video Bill Shankly talking about Vegas ocean Oceanus and finished his speech, I say is true socialism, solidarity and tough, but in the middle, he praised the original before he talked about how relevant words if it were to today. And he said that he wouldn't be like previous shotty chunks. This who took up the mess. They were going to Herod when they came into government in order to explain why they can be taking radical. He said that the harder things were the great deal shooting team for labor to bring radical policies saying he was, I think it's the most competent I've ever seen chances speech. They have serve any becoming spotty conferences for eight years now. So Labor's Chudy chances beaches have been on the main critique misreport net grew here Rams they've a conference in speaking people. Do you get the impression that this is a party ready for government as John McDonnell claims row bounces. Oficial. People I and my colleagues in less than journalism into off the record all really quite worried about being coherence. The intellectual incoherence of of labor leadership. These very left wing people themselves. Then they'll anyone just not natural enemies all the foreign projects, and they just don't see the backup. See y'all. Opportunity for. They don't see the intellectual backup for just go for a couple of things point basic, but. Labor's success for retirees on Brexit include something. So ludicrous only Boris Johnson offer. You know, we were taking benefits of being in the single market. While leg said, we're not going to be in. Thank you very much. Now, if you radically because. One you're going to have problems with with with the bomb market. When you get in maybe banking, help you out on Nassar's did after Brexit but gains the raise money. Can you be outside seem tomorrow if you if you choose label says, we insist on leaving the single reject Norway options compromise so far. Can will don't have enough money to do it. Where is the story he's telling the city? I mean, expect the city to like, where's he telling the story? He's having the less wing four full left wingers who provide if you like the civil service, the people to help his ideas through go on the radio until his ideas, and then there and feeling the very top of the labor party guest and Donald Corbin may own who are not reaching out have no have no great intellect and have not fought things through. Now as as is about was saying, labor is very good at campaign really is. What will happen come into government. That's at least somebody accusing people with I left wing. As I get into when we get back to Brexit. The had been an expectation by some pro e nave MP's to Mississippi. This conference Marcus EJ into the party's Brexit position. There is to the second referendum on Sunday BreX made into the priority ballots and emotion to success was decided upon the tens at to fudge when it comes to second front in shock and had jumped Donald today, suggests that even if they didn't the second referendum, it would be a deal note you roll than what looks Mendez, which is an option for Madiun in the EU. It's these. If you've had any clarity, development of the nave position Brexit was pulled prince. We'll try to car for saying that preference is for general election to force a general election, which is really confication because they can't general election I, this is very inconvenient for them because they basically gag dot com. By the people's vote, come pain by pray, remain LeBron peas and by the membership because these constituency labour qualities of submitted their motions to going into this is to they could it be debated by the conference? And we're always saying it's very difficult, Jeremy Corbyn because he's instinctively lever who's gonna party spit between remain leave constituencies been talking to you peaking around coping trying to say that actually that the division within constituencies between even remain, isn't his strokes than not worried about that? No, I'm quite surprised by that. I have to say Putin divisions left by Brexit happened quite strong in terms of identity, nestling labor really needs to work out Nick. Do you think the looks Mems disappointed at but had the Brexit position has paid at so far? Jeremy Kuban did say he was gonna. Listen to the van biz seems that a Thuch doesn't have listened to lots of the MMC want. The second referendum has come about. What's happening a liberal left and Britain is there is furious anger about Rex's. I mean, I need to write this Alantic Brexit peace, and you can see now. Shoots off, shoots off every sanction media. There is a liberal left, protesting protest movements against people who might almost have come from central casting as the enemies of leftism and liberalism for centuries worse. Thank you. Get people like Boris Johnson, Dan Hannan, like Jake small, you might side of politics. You only have to look at those people. Think though anything these people say is going to be disaster for you and for your country. And what's fascinating is for the first time. Less communist party Socialist Workers Party all the people who who back combing and calling himself have nothing to do this best. They're seen as relatives worse as seen as an enemy that trying to stop yourselves being seen by coming up with. Again, I'm to lack of intellectual coherence. Okay. It's going to be okay because there's an evil Tori Brexit happening against wing Brexit's. We don't right wing vex. We won't to left wing Brexit where the EU will say when they become. All people you'll, we're going to give you full access to the single full members single market without any of the burdens of being a single market, but he's just laughable whether that will work halt. I think it will some people because if you like that goodwill tools told me still, you can see it. Process of people stick the young people waking up. What the British fall left is highly unusually among post-communist parties, niece in Europe. It is anti. The communist party Corp. All we could be Nancy, you all along against joining against mass threats against this Boone and you see people shake their heads. Second. What we meant the tumor we've answered for you, whether it will come in songs, make a difference on Britain's position. Europe is something I, I. Looking ahead to the rest of the conference. We have the leader speech later in the week, but we before we have many fringe events. Today's this, so the Dr to prevent Suada fringe event and we'll have to stop the war coalition what you looking forward to seeing for the rest of conference. Nick on wednes- with Russia view that Katy I went with colleagues, Michael creek to the Venezuela out, event lost. And Chris Williamson who really is almost like Mussolini's high. MP quite he sucks up to half it takes you on the planet denounce meeing the platform. We said, well, can we reply on the older came through from the chaff said, no, no, no questions will be allowed in this Fizeau very Castro or Soviet. So I definitely get back to that wall. And of course like specs as you on this. I'm looking forward to phrase Nelson. Alright inside who it's being the great journalist, he's very generous man, taking stock by mail. Looking forward is quite right phrase. I'm very interested in the atmosphere. He's conference because he can tell a lot about where party is mentally. The puzzle lack of belaboring twenty four team with shocking Nate down Beatles. And so far of NATO sit seems quite upbeat that I wonder whether it's going to be tense on the fringes. For instance, whether and pays are going to be scuffling from stand to stand, trying to stay away from seven, whether that's been behind and we should report back on how things tonight. Tomorrow said, join us again, then. Thank you, Nick. Thank you about.

Brexit Brexit Nick Boris Johnson wing Brexit EU Britain Europe Donald Corbin Bill Shankly Liverpool Alantic Brexit Kompong Jeremy Corbyn communist party Corp Socialist Workers Party chancellor Tori Brexit c. nave MP
1709: 6 Life Areas Youre Avoiding: And 4 Ways to Face Them Head On by Ingrid Y Helander on Overcoming Avoidance

Optimal Living Daily

10:09 min | 10 months ago

1709: 6 Life Areas Youre Avoiding: And 4 Ways to Face Them Head On by Ingrid Y Helander on Overcoming Avoidance

"This is optimal living daily episodes seventeen o nine, six life areas. You're avoiding and four ways to face them head on by Ingrid why Allender of Ingrid why Hollander M. F. T. Dot com and just a Malik hope you're having a great weekend if you're listening in real time and welcome back to optimal living daily or the O. L. D. podcast where I read to you from some of the best blog, I can find get permission from mostly covering personal development and minimalism. On this show, we cover a bunch of other topics in the optimal living daily podcast network, which includes four other shows definitely subscribe to those if you like this one. But for now, since you here, let's get right to today's post and start optimizing your life. Six life areas you're avoiding, and for ways to face them head on by Ingrid Y Hollander of Ingrid why Hallander Ellum T. dot com? You might call avoidance being lazy unmotivated, depressed freaked out or disliking conflict. But if you are human, you probably know the warning signs when you start avoiding avoiding can become a way of life. If you're not careful robbing you of time relationship money fun and other pleasures here are few target areas and examples of voidance that I see in my office every day. Work Life. You're successful career requires consistent task completion, and suddenly you are online shopping. Crazy. Physical Health. There are two wasteful hours before you get ready for work and rather than going to the gym you roll over and go back to sleep. Relationship. Small disagreement happens and use sullenly walk away from your partner. Social. A friend's invitation weights in your inbox and you tell yourself you'll think about whether to attend or not later. Spiritual Your Yoga, Mat and journal sit in the corner and you daily pass them by. And? Financial. Six bills said in your mail pile. He said Masai knowing that a simple check could pay them tomorrow. Sound familiar. What's happening when you avoid and what can you do about it? Avoiding is seldom a fully conscious choice. Elizabeth Scott s explains this frustrating tendency. This way quote avoidance coping also known as Avoidance Coping Avoidance Behaviors and escape coping is a maladaptive form of coping that involves changing our behavior to try to avoid thinking or feeling things that are uncomfortable and quote. Basically avoidance is bitch will coping skill aimed at reducing pain that is reinforced each time you do it. Sadly. The more you avoid the parts of your life that feel uncomfortable. The more shame you're likely to feel about those parts of your life to shame intern causes more discomfort and hence more avoidance. If you tend to worry in are easily overwhelmed, it can be significantly difficult to simply face tasks and situations and do the thing before you is not your fault and is not a joking matter. Just do it is a great model for selling shoes, but it's not so easy for anxious people to implement. So. What can you do today to head on face those things in life you tend to avoid and do so without crumbling in a corner later Here four ways to face her avoidance had on. Now and very gently. Number one acknowledge avoidance without beating yourself up. So. Yes. Maybe you don't WanNa talk to your loved one about a particular topic. Perhaps you have not exercised or prayed or meditated in many moons maybe the bills are on the back burner your friends wonder if you don't like them anymore, this happens to the very best of people simply acknowledging own that part of you is avoiding with as much compassion for your human self as possible if you get very upset with yourself or anyone else in this process, stop breathe and offer yourself at least one moment of compassion. Number. To write down everything you imagine you'd like to do if you weren't avoiding. Off of the suggestion for a few reasons, some people feel like they are lazy or. When in reality, they're getting nearly everything done in fine fashion for people who are highly driven or perfectionist, but don't own this about themselves. One way of keeping on task is constantly telling yourself that you are avoiding things for others. There's so much shame beneath the surface. This exercise can help you get a glimpse of hidden pain and allow this part of you to be seen by you. Then you can access more help with a therapist to get feeling better. And finally you may just be so accustomed to avoiding that imagining moving forward in a more confident manner is a wild new concept if soul be much easier to move toward the picture that you create in your mind's eye using all of your senses so play using your imagination. For example, in my fantasy world i. Any bill, write a check and send it off. Take my wife's hand and talk it through when I feel stressed wake after eight hours of sleep hop in my Wesson and head to the gym. Just play with it. The purpose is not to make you feel guilty. This is an exercise to increase your creativity and curiosity. Let your body and mind enjoy the play and possibility of doing everything in a way you would like to do it. You may feel inspired ready to embody what you imagine or maybe the thoughts feel to threatening and cause increased. Shame. Conversely, you discover that you are in reality facing a large portion of life, but you habitually use the mantra that you are avoiding. Just notice and write down. Will you discover? Number three start with a small change in the easiest of the six targets. See found some area of avoidance and you can see how you'd like the situation to feel different. Great. Begin by choosing from your list of avoidance is just one little action. You can take thou fuel really terrific or at least good when it's done, make it one with just enough challenge to pursue but not so much challenge that it is emotionally overwhelming for you. You really want to succeed on the smaller items here. So feel free to break any task down into a smaller portion. Maybe, spend one minute meditating this week rather than entire yoga or meditation session. Perhaps, he do fifty push-ups before work. Instead of going to the gym, you could write your partner, a letter of appreciation or reply to a couple of work emails. A small change is important and totally enough in this situation repeat this change often and celebrate every time you replicate it, remind yourself that you're aiming for cellular change, not an earthquake like shift. Number four respect not only your new behaviors, but the parts of you that have been avoiding for so long. Here's the thing parts of us that avoid are not trying to make life difficult avoidance trying to save your system from pain granted avoiding things and people creates more pain over time. But in the moment, it can feel pretty darn good show respect to the parts of you. That learned way back when that this was a good way to feel better love them and let all of you know that as an adult, you can handle more than you could as a child. When you feel the need to avoid take the time to identify what this feels like in your body or mind. Breathe and offer a pause to your system when you make any tiny progress on what you were formerly avoiding celebrate because celebrate by writing down your calendar with the huge elementary school style star voice recorder accomplishment in your phone memos or call a trusted friend who's on the secret to share your success whatever you do allow yourself to be at least. Okay with what you've done and you can feel genuinely pleased go for it. Avoidance doesn't need to run your life and you don't need a push away or harshly blame yourself when it happens this time took a few gentle steps that move you forward confidently and begin building each new challenge on those. In time you'll see when you truly need a realistic break and take it without avoidance or guilt. Also begin to gain strength and self confidence as you step into the life areas you were once avoiding. Sassou. You just listen to the post titled Six Life Areas You're avoiding and four ways to face them head on by Ingrid White Hollander of Ingrid why Hollander L.. M. F. E. DOT COM. And as your Wifi struggling to keep up with your streaming work gaming video calling and more what about all at once when you're connected to your world by Wifi be shirts the best bring your Wifi up to speed with or be Wifi six from net gear or be Wifi six is best and latest in Wifi covers your entire home with the fastest Wifi for. Uninterrupted. Streaming video calling and working and learning from home on more devices than ever before in any part of the house is WIFI perfectly engineered ready for the best Wifi ever find out what makes net gear. America's number one choice for Wifi at net gear dot com slash best wifi that's net gear dot com slash best Wifi and have that linked in this episode subscription. They get Ingrid. These are great tips for procrastination to which is a common struggle I see from listeners of this show. So take these gestures from England to heart and in many areas of life. I particularly like the journaling idea more. As she says, specifically, writing down everything you imagine you like to do if you weren't avoiding the great tip if you've listened to this show for even a month or anytime. Longer you probably know of mentioned the power of journaling before and so many different. You're only exercises can have long lasting caused impact on your life. So definitely Selena try bullied at that hope your weekend is off to a great start. If you're listening in real time, they were being here listening to me and for subscribing to the show, I'll be back to our reading to you where your optimal life awaits.

Ingrid White Hollander partner Selena Hollander M. F. Malik Elizabeth Scott s intern England America Wesson M. F. eight hours one minute
Why Im Not Planning 2020 (84)

The John Poelstra Show

11:58 min | 1 year ago

Why Im Not Planning 2020 (84)

"This episode may not apply at all. But it's where I met this year and it surprised me Eh that I found myself here. I'm not planning twenty twenty. There's nothing to plan. There's nothing to take stock. Cov- There's the Hatano. This idea came to me. I was on a call with the team recently. And they were doing an exercise around around What do you want to leave behind in two thousand nineteen and then what do you WanNa take forward with you in two thousand thousand twenty and as much as I searched and searched inside of myself to answer this question. I couldn't come up with anything because I find that these these days. I'm doing that on a daily basis. So that's this year next year could be completely different. And you'll hear me preaching a message of planning planning your next year but about this time of year. I started to get really tired of all the emails about planning your next year and you know how. How are you GonNa make next year your best year ever and all of those kinds of things and also feeling like January. I is really just an arbitrary date. Yes it's a new year and I suppose during the holidays and around the New Year we tend to slow down and maybe have more time to think. Think but the way that I'm building my life right now. I have that time now and I'm creating that time now I don't always have it but it's always within in my power to create it and what I'm finding is as I remember to create it. It changes everything. So yeah this. The process of of saying yes and saying no and clearly choosing on a daily basis. It's really really powerful. And it's an amazing feeling to realize that there's nothing big. I WANNA change. I just need to keep doing what I'm doing and I know that if I keep doing what I'm doing. The best version of me is going to continue to come forward. My business will continue to grow. Oh and as I get incoming information that something needs to change. I'll change you. Part of this has also been just an ongoing Practiced and turning up the volume unforgiveness forgiving. Everything anything myself other people can and just losing losing the judgment wherever possible other people myself and and this is a new owner learned. Recently my judgement of my judgment. I don't know if you end up in one of those thought loops where your getting down on yourself. L. For doing something or being a certain way. And then you beat yourself up because you're beating yourself up so forgiving yourself for all. That stuff can't recommended enough thing occurs to me about planning. The next year is planning can be a trap and I say this as a recovering project manager. Maybe it's also the older I get the more. I realize the more detailed the plan the less likelihood that it will come to fruition not always but I can't tell you the number of people and project plans and soffer releases I worked on that had been planned to the inth degree. That just never quite worked out that way and I've seen I've seen this in my own work recently to where I'm in the process of creating gene. I M statements and I was procrastinating on this work because I quote needed to do a little bit more research to understand how to really do them mm-hmm and I realized that was just a way of voidance procrastination. If you know what you need to do for twenty twenty as you look at like what's right in front of you actually going to change that. If you know what to do next in terms of your life that's right in front of you do it. Just start doing it now. Whatever Day of the month this is or even what year this is in. If you know what to do start doing it. If it's not happening you might WANNA ask yourself how bad you really want it or how committed you are and then just make a conscious choice. Yes I'm in on this or no I'm not. I don't know where this originally comes from. But Derek Cevers as well as rich Levin often talks about Hell yes or hell no and there's no hell maybe so that's kind of the idea here. In fact I had a conversation with someone recently where they were dragging their feet on getting and something done and they were attributing it to certain reasons and as we talked more I some Pinko thank you. I just had this sense that the primary reason that they were kinda putting forth is the roadblock and reason for not doing it was really not the reason and so I just had. The Prince of mind is a scale of one to ten. How badly do you want this thing. They're like about a five. I was like wow the the sense I got was. This person was beating themselves up. They should have you know. been giving it more Contention and and you know a deeper willingness to Really go all in on it when they really he didn't want to. Sometimes I think we also torture ourselves with decisions. I say this as a recovering indecisive decision in maker there is so much power in choosing yes or no and often it can be super powerful to hold the perspective that there's no wrong choice. There words there will be no wrong or bad. The outcome either decide now. There's obvious exceptions to this if your In the midst stuff Ethical or moral dilemma does. Doesn't this isn't what I'm thinking about here but you know maybe it's a decision of do. I take this trip or not. Not Or do I meet this person for coffee or do I apply for this new job. Yes or no and then really living into the fact that there's no bad or wrong wrong outcome based on what you choose. Incidentally this loops back to this whole idea of judgment timeout earlier and as I remove this label of right or wrong. Good or bad from the outcome that I'm predicting anticipating is a painting. It really is changing a lot of things. I made our net fairly big decision recently and went through this process with coach in and he said you know this. Just decide or you're going to do this or you're not going to you know just choose. Are you going to do it or you're not GonNa do it and I didn't know what I'm not going to do. It and I didn't believe at the time but it really did come true that saying no to this thing that I didn't want to to do lead to all kinds of other open doors. That were amazing and the thing that I said no to ended up being a yes to a bunch of other things and even though I didn't do this thing that I didn't WanNa do. It ended up giving me the underlying thing that I was actually searching for the man. It's a little hard to track without understanding the details. But that's about as much as I can share about that here so the answer to do you know it needs to do is no again. I would challenge you to consider. How true is that. Then if you're focused on the how there's probably an answer on Google and I would suggest that it might not that'd be that you're hung up on the how you're more hung up on the one to like. How bad do I want to do. This aren't sure what you need to do. What's the smallest next next step. You could take to find out a silly example of this is I have some airline miles. That are expiring. And they've been expiring for month's Lang keep getting the email says he come January fifteenth. Or something you're GonNa lose all your miles unless you do something. I don't have any trips plan so I I had no idea how it can keep these miles alive. I'd like well. I could buy a magazine or something that I haven't done forever so what I did was was. I created a little too item low card in Trello that said spend fifteen minutes rage searching how you could save your LASCA era miles. And what do you know. There are a bazillion articles on what to do and things I didn't even know existed what I ended up doing in an uses with another airline as well is I ended up going through their shopping portal and buying a special light bulb that I needed at home depot online. I think I spent six bucks. I have now have six new miles in my account. That's keeping this huge amount. The miles alive anyway. Fifteen minutes of Ghoul Research. Solve my problem instead of sitting in the land of I don't know what to do. Oh this is going to be too hard Blah Blah Blah and enclosing if this was totally the wrong episode for you that you don't have any idea what to do next or where you're going. Let's have a conversation. There's no obligation there's no sneaky. He's sales pitch I do this all the time and I really really love. I just love meeting New People and finding out what's up with them or maybe you like totally love this message in love what I'm sharing today and you just want to talk more about that. That's great too so just say mimmo. We'll do it. Thanks for listening to the John. Pollster show notes links and all that other good stuff. This episode are at John Pollster. Dot Com slash. podcast take your questions ideas or simple hello to podcast at John. POLLSTER DOT COM. Let us stay up to date on new episodes and receive notifications certifications of upcoming events register. Your email address at John pollster dot com slash updates. Yeah.

John Pollster twenty twenty project manager Google Derek Cevers Ghoul Research Trello Levin Lang Fifteen minutes fifteen minutes
Hot and Heavy and Casual Relationships! Why they FIZZLE Out So Fast! | Write Your Legend Podcast with Apollonia Ponti

Write Your Legend

10:28 min | 9 months ago

Hot and Heavy and Casual Relationships! Why they FIZZLE Out So Fast! | Write Your Legend Podcast with Apollonia Ponti

"I'm Polonia want the and welcome to the right your legend podcasts for daily motivation inspiration and advice about life dating and relationships. I believe we're all here to writer legend and my definition of writing your legend is someone who embodies greatness who prevails in the hard times does right for the world in constantly pushes themselves to embody happiness and success personally and professionally. I commit to supporting you every step of the way. So, let's write your legend and began. Hot In heavy relationships falling too fast and a why this fizzles out as fast as it starts typically I know hot and heavy relationships can be a whirlwind of experiences because of the fact that it has a such an endorphin rush, but then it just leaves so hurt and confused when that person is not there anymore typically they leave just as fast as they came. So let's get into why this may happen as well. So why hot and heavy relationships happen are typically a couple of reasons number one is because we are running away and we're doing circles around the things the deeper work that needs to be within US right. So typically, it's kind of like this where we. Have maybe cut that needs to as we nor the stitches and we continue to put this band on top of and then the band aid falls off and then we get another and continue to put it on top of it but the the scar never heals because it might need stitches. Right. which is repair and a lot of times people go into relationships because they're trying to run away from something else from something of a feeling or emotion or hurt or pain or loss even, and the moment we get that establishment of closeness or that establishment of classes that be goes on beyond the superficial physical element in these relationships. Then what happens is the person disappears because it gets serious and this is something that happens often to people also that are very codependent. That maybe you haven't had a lot of experiences and relationships as well, and I think that with US knowing that hot and heavy relationships do come at a price and if you find yourself constantly getting hot and heavy relationships or you're the person that is hot and heavy, I would really encourage you to turn around that microscope and look from within and what's going on here within you and one of the reasons why I say that is because when we tend to. Run Away we continue to lose ourselves more and more in every relationship where we just can hit rock bottom and get very depressed or confused, and in this hot and heavy relationships risen why this happens and a lot of times with women in general why this happens is because women. Want that field they long no matter what women long for feeling just like men too. I. Think of wanting to be wanted wanting to feel -nificant in some way of their beauty. And typically this comes in a physical round. So in hot and heavy relationships, you might have the best sex ever and people are like Oh they mistake this for connection guys. This is not connection. Best sex ever does not mean connection. This is where we have to get. Really. Direct in. Love and relationships and teaching what loving relationship says because. A lot of times in society and what how we've been custom to is to understand that Oh if I have the best sex with this woman, this means that she's the one, but it's not the truth. It means that what other qualities issue offering in life for herself and for you what are her standards? What are the values that you? And is this a healthy dynamic? The both of you have, there's more to it than that. Typically, the most unhealthy relationships do have the best sex and this is because of the endorphins hot and cold, the the the good times and the bad times because it's never that medium right? It's always it's on a great great high or it's on a great great low, and this is what happens in passionate lustful relationships have actually write a blog about this is called less verse love and I'll put it below in the. Description box you guys can read that as well after this video. Now, next thing in the reasons why we get hot and heavy relationships and they fizzle way fast is because in these hot and heavy relationships were not talking about what we want. We're not talking about our wants desires. We're not talking about commitment sometimes in these relationships are mentality goes it's going so good that I don't want to mess it up. So what we've done is we thrown our voice out the window and we said the hell with it. It's just going so good. So why would I mess it up? So when someone tells me that there's no voidance that's happening here and typically avoidance comes from. Really intuition intuitively feel like Oh, this person probably isn't ready to commit and just continue to show up and do whatever they want on their time and not really talk about the future or commitment after these you know out and it's not about like talking about we gotta get in a relationship I want to be in a relationship with you. It's a really about just talking about their ideas of. Commitment, like, are they really looking for fine? You know things like that and just understanding how they articulate this in their language guys in women that may be watching guys in the audience. So they typically speak to women that ready for a relationship we'll tell you through their language, their dialogue there conversations no matter what and as long as you don't expect any come from abundance which I talk about significantly. Video. This is a really good mindset to have. So you can think clearly and not get blinded by these type of relationships because a lot of times when we get in hot and heavy relationships because both of us somewhat are emotionally avoidance were emotionally unavailable emotionally avoided meaning one side of the person with a hot and heavy relationship that ends up typically running away is the one that doesn't want to get emotionally involved and. Then the other one wants to have love all wants to have be seen wants to be in this relationship and sometimes has inherited codependence codependent behaviors and there's a lack of self worth there's a lack of integrity. There's lack maybe of even self esteem or confidence within you when it comes to dealing now doesn't mean that you're not confident in the gym or work and you bring home a great salary whatever and then. Your relationships, you're like, why the hell can I get this right? It's completely different. Everything in life needs to be trained as a muscle are learning capability our relationships with our family. Our work working skills are speaking skills, whatever we must do. Our relationships are love dating our self worth ourselves. Love our integrity everything requires work in. These are all principal elements, different elements and I actually talk about this break free codependency product. I talk about this and I also teach you how to do this and start to implement them today I would encourage you to download that product is we'd below in the description box you have full access to me every month where it's part of my VIP program where you actually go in there twice a month, not even once a month anymore and do live coaching calls with you guys, coach you on the spot. Put that blow on this description box if you are interested which he should be. Now. You'll notice in these relationships to that passion is really at the forefront of this relationship and we blindly get this misconstrued with maybe we're falling in love with this person or maybe this is the one for me and we have to really take burs view when it comes to dating because it's our responsibility to let in the people that we want to date because at the end of the day, you can't blame that other person for basically doing what they did in new falling in. Love. With them or falling and desire for them because you had a responsibility to play here and that's why say victim mentality will always set you back. Relationships are about lessons. So it's about taking a bird's eye view and saying, okay, I try these type of women all the time or attract these type of relationships all the time. What am I doing wrong how am I not showing up for my bestself in typically in the relationships like this kindness is not at the forefront meaning kindness of compassion or Acts of excuse, me acts of service and access service means like they do things for you. They go out of their way they might do. They would do things for you and show you commitment and access services not telling you. Oh, you look good. Let's do dinner I. Appreciate Your Love Spending Time with you. That is not act service as a service is really doing things where it's not selfish for them where it's actually for the other person that's what access services, and this is when you know someone is really wide it ready to invest in you and these relationships you won't see that very often. And then lastly, I want to finish it up with this. Now, it's not only our responsibility to understand why we get into hot and heavy relationships, but also our responsibility to encourage you my responsibility I should say to encourage you that if you are a man that gets in these relationships, I encourage you. To really have a discussion with a girl and put a brake, put the brakes on and pace yourself in the beginning and take it one step at a time. When you get in these relationships if this is something, you WanNa solve with today and you're ready I encourage you to download my product. It's called my break free of codependency product click below watch a video and sign up. I will see you there and as always I'll see you in the next video remember are always left by for now. If you enjoy this podcast before to subscribe rate and review this podcast and share with your friends, congratulations to writing your legend and thanks so much for listening today and I'll talk to you soon in the next episode.

endorphin US US writer principal
MBA1203 Guest Teacher: Martin Moore- How To Handle Tough Conversations with Your Team

The $100 MBA Show

18:22 min | 2 years ago

MBA1203 Guest Teacher: Martin Moore- How To Handle Tough Conversations with Your Team

"Oh, one hundred dollars VA show. The business pot gas were retailed tough business topics every single day with her daily ten minute business lessons for the real world, your host or coach teacher Omar's in home. Also, the co founder of the hundred dollar MBA complete business training and community online. And today's episode is a guest teacher episode on our guests each episodes. I invite a guest teach you a lesson on their area of expertise today. We have Martin more from your CEO mentor dot com, and he'll be teaching you how to handle tough conversations with your team Marne. Moore's the CEO and founder of your CEO mentor dot com as well. As the host of the no bullshit leadership podcast check that out on items. And he's only give us his strategies to tackling tough conversations with your team. Yes. I'm talking about confrontation. I'm talking about giving just in time feedback. I'm talking about. Having those talks you don't look forward to. But you're blind should be Cousy or the leader of the team. You're the leader of the company you are needed to have these conversations. No one else will today's explain to how to have the will to get over the hump and have these conversations as well. As the skill to make a happen. Hey, no, one enjoys confrontation less. You're a psychopath. Right. But it has to be done. Sometimes sometimes we have to give them the truth. So they can become a better employee so going to do a better job. So they can feel fulfilled. That's your duty as their leader so much good stuff into these episodes. Let's get into it. Let's get down to business. Today's episode of the hundred arm gay show is supported by earth class mail. If you run a business, you need a business address. But it doesn't mean you need to open up a business office, you can work from home and earth class milk and hook you up with a business address and scan all your mail, and uploaded to your count in the clouds. You can check all your physical mail anytime anywhere. I love it. I love it. I love it. And we use earth Gus mail because we love it so much an earth class mail in Tokyo with a free month to get started. Just go to earth class mail dot com slash MBA month. Again, it's earth class mail dot com slash NBA month, use coupon code NBA month. Today's guest teacher. Martin Moore is an expert when it comes to high performance leadership his strategies are practical, so you're in for a treat in today's guest teacher lesson. He's going to help you with the mindset of having these tough conversations as well. As had to take the first steps forward. So without further ado, I wanna pass it onto Martin Moore to teach you today's guest teacher lesson on how to have those tough conversations with your team. Takeaway martin. Hey goes on mountain more. Thanks for joining me today today will be teaching you how to handle tough conversation with your team. So let's get down to business. Running lodge teens with multiple lays of leads what I'm gonna share today is equally relevant with the c over multibillion dollar business will the found of the start up with a single employee. Let's be clear your later, if you have another human the relies on you forgotten support now for business owners and entrepreneurs learning the basics now will future proof you'll business for lighter. You're listening to the hundred dollar NBA show because you want to pick up the business skills that are going to help you grow the startup that it's a ceiling as the company out grows. Its founders capabilities is virtually a cliche in business at the risk of stating the bleeding obvious leaders Nate Heff tough conversations with people from time to time. But you'd be surprised how many leaders avoid these conversations like the plague and the number of rationalizations they can come up with to justify this voice is just crazy when you first start out as a leader having tough conversations is ninety percent will and ten percents skill in my exp-. If you can discipline yourself to have the tough conversations when they needed the skill will come over time. Today's conversation is all about mastering the will. So that you can learn from your experiences, and then going to improve the quality of your tough conversations with H one that you hold. To quote, my Albertson who's one of the best operational leaders of worked with hard things hard. We don't call them tough conversations because they are easy. And if they were easy, everyone would be doing them competently, but many latest don't what you need to know. Is that if it's hard it's also worth while no matter where you are right now in terms of your confidence and competence with tough conversations. There's hope fuel I've gotta tell you when office out of my leadership career almost thirty years ago. I sucked I was terrible at these stuff. You can't imagine anyone being more terrible than our was. But I was smart enough to realize that this is one of the core competencies of leadership. And if I couldn't get good at this. Then I'd never be a great leader. So I just did more and more and more of this until my competence grew to use the analogy of learning to ski independece. No, I could tell you all the things you need to do with your take to do that. Will I tell you about how to bell? You white. I continue to use your ages continue to push through the back of a turn continue to get that floating sensation. But guess what? It doesn't matter. You've just got to do enough of it until it starts to feel comfortable. It's just about miles under the skis. And this is exactly the same thing. Don't about the technique, you need to do more and more and more of it until it starts to feel comfortable. That's the bottom line. Let's move onto why tough conversations so important when people turn up to work each day. I want to know three things from they later when you boil it all down, they wanna know firstly. What are your expectations of me? Secondly, hell my going against those expectations and Thirdly, what does my future hold now? How would it be even remotely possible that people would get these understanding if you as a later on completely comfortable with giving people the accurate and Tommy feedback? They need under any circumstances to bring out the best in you people you need to be able to challenge coach and confront them in an empathetic, honest and compassionate way. And that's what I'm going to help you with in the next few minutes. Let's talk about the psychology of voidance. Why do we avoid tough conversations? The first thing is we all want to be locked, it's human nature as a leader. The mantra you have to have firmly in your head is respect before popularity. Bing leader isn't about being locked and one of my favorite quotes is from Casey Stengel, the famous baseball player and manager in the US. And what he said was the secretive leading is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are still undecided. Another as we avoid tough conversations is because we focus too much on our sills how we feel what might happen to us. We don't consider the person on the other side of the table from us, and we worry about all sorts of things like what if the siskel to conflict? What if they disagree with my sister of the situation? What if I haven't set them physics? Maybe it's my fault. The dread and fear is so free enforcing say. When you fearful of a conversation you gonna handle it poorly. And it's not gonna go will. And what happens is you've just reinforced yourself that having tough conversations is really really hard. And that you don't like doing it. You avoid those situations. Like, the plague both consciously and subconsciously all the while rationalizing while you need to have the conversation in the first place or filling yourself that. It's not a priority compared to your other busy work. When I use the expression, busy work. I'm talking about all those things that you can easily fill your day with but on the. Highest value and take away from the work that you really need to be doing. But you revolting or you procrastinating on. So we find ways to trick SOL's rationalization. And we convince ourselves that we don't need to hold the tough conversations. We should be holding. Let's see if any of these rationalizations ring a Bill, I shouldn't criticize as I don't want to be negative or Dame out of eight my people, maybe I don't really have enough evidence or examples to be able to point to I'm having this tough conversation. Maybe I'm asking too much of them. Am I to demanding a manager? Maybe give them more time. They'll improve or my favorite. They should know what they're doing. I shouldn't need to babysit them all of these aways of rationalizing to take us away from doing the work that we need to do but make his field. So we're justified in doing. So why is it so important that we conquer this and get on top of it mastering the psychology of tough conversations will absolutely change your life. If you have the mind. Set told tough conversations win they needed you'll stop fearing dreading and avoiding them you'll confidence a later is going to skyrocket and you'll people begin to perform at their Paik. It liberates you to do job and not spend Tom propping up wake performance the results you'll be able to achieve with a winning team that is confident driven and kicking goals will simply amaze you. So he's the moneyball. I give you five frames to look through till you conquer the psychological barriers to holding tough conversations. Number one. You have Judy of Kate. You'll people now put yourself in your team's position. Wouldn't you? Want your boss to have the courage and selflessness Tope developed to be you'll based whereas most bosses actually main? Well, I found very few who prepared to do the hard yards by having the tough conversations. The would help me to improve my performance without strong leadership. You'll people will be at risk mentally emotionally. And even physically when we think about things personal safety in an industrial business. If you didn't say, the appropriate standards through challenging coaching and confronting you allow pull behaviors to grow and the standard you walk past is the standard, you sit having difficult conversations sits the necessary boundaries and expect -tations and this avoids the dissonance. The comes at the annual performance review. We have to choose. Away, the give the person and unexpected poll rating or paper over the top of the cracks with an inappropriately high writing that is more along with your expectations giving you heaven sit expectations appropriately. The second France, pretty simple. You can't get results from a subpar team. And as a leader your job is to create value. First and foremost having the tough conversations will pay itself back in spades. Over time as a superior performance of your team will make your job easier your team better and your life as a leader much, happier. But if you don't face into difficult conversations your table, never lift to be bist and resulted we relatively poor. And therefore, it's yours. The third frame as your people deserve the opportunity to improve. And if you care at all about you'll PayPal you need to take these two heart because you'll shortchanging your people if you don't help them to improve if you can see performance or behaviorally shoes, would you want to give someone the best chance possible to change it could absolutely impact corre-, but to do this. You've got to go with the focus on yourself and think about them. This is what being an invested later who elicits loyalty from there. People actually looks like the fourth frame. Everyone knows the strong and weak performance. Those rationalizations we spoke about earlier will guess what you're not filling anyone if you don't deal with poor performance directly. You'll people will see you as a week later. The good ones will become resentful on the bad ones. We'll take advantage of you want. You leadership credibility is lost. You have no chance of building. A hot performing team the fifth and final frame forgetting hit around having the tough conversations. If you do need to let someone go you want to know that you've done everything possible to help them. So if worst comes to worst, you need to be confident tooted absolutely everything you could them as a later to help them to be successful. If you face into tough conversations with poor performance. Then you can't possibly have done that adequately. You'll never find it easy. Let someone go. Unless of course, you're a psychopath. However, knowing that you did everything you could will help you to sleep at not let's face it at the end of the day every individual makes choices about how they behave and perform as a later you just need to be confident. You've done the best you could for them to support that choice. So just to recap in this lesson. We've covered the fact that tough conversations are ninety percent will and ten percent skill. We briefly covered off on what you people need from you. As a leader. We spoke about the psychology of avoidance and why it's so important to you as a leader to conquer this. And I gave you five frames Tokyo, overcome your. Voidance of tough conversations. Guys, this was mountain more from your CEO, mental if you wanna learn more about practical leadership and organiz ation performance hit while whip sought your see into dot com. And check out my weekly podcast. No bullshit leadership. Also, if you'd like to pick up a free download of the five frames to help you with tough conversations, just go to WWW dot USC into a dot com. Ford slash one hundred MBA thanks again for joining me today. Beck to Oma. Today's episode is brought to you by Abby connect alive receptionists as much as we think. Most businesses conducted online these days phone calls are still so important to your company. Sometimes it's just easier to call them fill out a form or searched the FAQ's when clients and customers, call your business. They want to reach a real person not an automated system or or even worse voicemail, Abby Nikolai receptionists are fantastic solution. How do I know? Well, I signed up myself in the experience is brilliant, Abby kinik receptionists are professional the courteous. And they're specifically trained for your business, and at a fraction of the cost of employing a fulltime higher Abby connects receptionist are located in their hub in Nevada, but they sound like the right at your front desk virtual office, use them as often easy need as a receptionist or you can use help for overflow. Get a no obligation free trial with Abby connect, plus after your initial trial. You'll get ninety five dollars off your first Bill to get this. Great offer. Go to abbey connected dot com slash NBA for call eight three three Abby. Well, and mentioned this podcast. That's the number eight three three Evy, wile and mentioned our podcast or sign up today at AB y connect dot com slash NBA. What a great listen by Martin more. What a critical topic that needed to be covered. If you love Martin Moore's leadership tips, check out his podcast, and no bullshit leadership podcast and check out his website, your CEO mentor dot com, a quick story to kind of wrap up today's lesson back when I was twenty five years old. I was the head of department at the school. I was teaching I was in education, and I was managing thirty three. Teachers so part of my job was having tough conversations with teachers that needed some advice and needed. Some course correction, I I was intimidated. I avoided these conversations I just praised them to death. Right. But then I started to realize that they were getting the wrong message people that were doing the wrong things showing up late not doing their share work with marking papers. They're getting away with a lot of things and my best teachers that's issues at did their job. We're gonna get disgruntled. Hey, this is not fair. We're doing all the work. And these people are slacking off in his all because I was avoiding those tough conversations. I was about to lose. Who's my best employees, my best teachers because I was avoiding the conversations with the ones that needed, you know, some improvement. That was a whip call. I realized well, that's a huge mistake. I was making. So I took it in baby steps I said to myself, I'm gonna have one conversation a week with somebody that needs to have that kind of conversation that tough conversation. So they can improve give them feedback and give them some praises well within a few weeks. There was a huge improvement in the morale of the team as well. As the fact that those people were psyching off got the message. Hey, we can't take advantage of the system or Omar or the other teammates. So learned from my mistakes in the past when it comes to leadership and don't delay and have those tough conversations to correct course to give them just in time feedback to improve their performance. Martin more has to special gifts for you, a free PDF. Download a guide on how to handle tough conversations with your team. And a great offer. A fifteen percent discount over three hundred dollar value to their seven-week online leadership program leadership beyond the theory. You can download the guide and check out the discount over at your CEO mentor dot com slash one zero zero NBA. Thank you so much for listening to the hundred dollar VA show. If you lovely here hit subscribes you. Don't miss a beat by hitting subscribe. You get our episodes on your device automatically that way. It's ready for you. When you're ready to listen, Ron Spotify. Overcast Stitcher radio apple podcast, the cast box on everything you can imagine just hit that subscribe on right now before I go, I want to leave you with this leadership is tough and you never stop improving. There's always room to improve those room to get better. And you just can't use the same techniques on every single person people are different people react to advice in different ways constantly having to sharpen your skills. So don't be so down on yourself feel like man, I'm not as good a leader as I should be never be perfect. You just need to be on that pursuit of trying to improve all the time. All right. I'll check you into Mars episode Alcee, then take care.

Martin Moore NBA dot com CEO Abby Omar Tokyo co founder Tope Nate Heff France Bing Albertson baseball Beck Abby kinik Abby Nikolai Ford bell Casey Stengel
TU144: The Case of Feli, an Awkward Goose

Therapist Uncensored Podcast

14:27 min | 2 months ago

TU144: The Case of Feli, an Awkward Goose

"Therapist on censored brings you decades of experience with interpersonal psychotherapy relational neuroscience modern attachment in anything. Else they think will be helpful and healing humans. Now your co host. Dr anne kelly and sumeria marriott hey ladies and gentlemen and every other beautiful person on the gender continuum spectrum welcome. We're going to be doing something a little bit different today. I want to share with you. A case and the cases can eliminate some of the stuff. We've been learning about with attachment. And after i share the story. I'll say more about some of the things that it highlights. mainly it is the balance of fear an attachment. You can kind of listen for that in the in it. But i think i'm gonna leave that part to the end so that we can jump right into the story and the case is about a goose named felicity quick context. I learned about it from dan. Stern wrote a paper entitled a felicitous meeting of attachment and relational psychotherapy now. If you haven't heard of dan stern he is a pre eminent psychiatrist and psychoanalytic theorists he wrote the interpersonal world of the infant particularly about subjectivity. And infants you know rather than things being linear stages of development that baby goes through. He helped move us to the interpersonal world about baby mother together. You know what happens in between and so that is true for psychotherapy or close relationships in general that it's about what happens in between turkish gives you some context of who he is and the case. The woman who wrote the original article is named helga. Fishermen bola she worked at conrad. Lorenzo's lab conrad lorenzo. You might recognize as the gentleman who did all the work with geese and imprinting. He's the one who discovered the you know within a couple of days geese and ducklings imprint on their mothers. That's why you see the line goslings following the mama super cute so he did a lot of research there and of course that was the some of the precursor to the thinking around attachment. Okay so this. Little goose was one of conrad's lorenzo's lab and it was determined that this would be a experimental subject. So the some of this is gonna be sad you guys. I'll just tell you the truth but it's powerful and one of the reasons. I wanna share it with you. Besides the fact that a listener reminded me to thank you for that is that i shared this probably fifteen years ago. A group that i lead and still to this day. Some of the clients talk about. How much impacted them. So snuggle up. I hope that it can touch you as well and bring you could things so was a little goose that right upon being hatched was placed in isolation so for some time she had no interaction with any geese or humans or anything. The only thing that would happen would be a machine would feed her at regular intervals and the only kind of spontaneous thing that would happen. Was there'd be noise when the thermostat would turn off and on and she developed a symptom which is when she would hear it click. She would run to that area to thermostat like seeking it but then woodhead. Bob almost like she's saying no and then she would run away. This symptom ended up persisting for poor felli throughout her life. Actually so pretty soon they introduce her into the group of geese the flock and right off the bat. She didn't fit in to say to the edge of group at the edge of the flock for example when they would feed she would wait till the end and then run in and eat whatever was left and then run away when a goose would come up behind her when she was eating and scare her she would and his the way that Goose normally response to a predator. You don't really see this within this species with each other. She did have this. You know multiple funny symptoms of kind of approach. Avoid should go in circles. couldn't quite subtle but she also did have some rudimentary skills. That are probably inborn. And should i begin to do some nests building so the research got the idea to see if we could impact her attachment. You know her bonding with the other. Geese by putting some goose eggs under her you know in the nest and she didn't know how to sit on them but she didn't quite on them enough in the first round of eggs. They didn't hatch so they try again and this time she's getting better. She sits on them. They hatch but when the little babies hatched felicity was scared to death of them and wouldn't go near them and unfortunately all of these little hatchlings died then they had the idea that baby geese are very dependent and kind of demanding of their parents but ducks are born more independent so they put a clutch of duck eggs underneath her and she was able to sit on them and warm them and they hatched and this time she didn't take care of them. She didn't cuddle them or you know. Protect them but she also didn't totally reject them. She just stayed away from them. And because these little guys are more resilient they were able to kind of walk down to the water into the pond themselves and themselves for the most part at night they would sleep together as a group but not underneath felicity. She wouldn't allow that but one night there was a really bad storm and the little babies curled up the scoop up underneath her and she let them and she put her wings out and she kept them warm and the next morning. You know how you see the momma leading the ducks. The next morning. She was at the end of the line. She followed the little baby ducklings down to the water and then she would follow them back to the shelter and all of these stocks survived and they went on moore fine and because of this experience felicity begin to be a little more accepted. She kind of knew a little bit more about approach. She was less scared but she still continued at the edge of the flock when male geese. Try to court her. She did not know what to do and basically it wouldn't work. The relationships didn't form but one day there was a goose and outlier and a little funky and they found each other and this time felicity let the courting happen and they bonded the sweet part of this as that. They stayed a pair for many many years and ended up successfully basically being able to connect and bond and he'll some of that attachment and security eventually the lab lawrence lab was closed down and the geese removed to another area. And i can. This is sad but the mail was flying over a lake. in switzerland. swiss hunter shot him and killed him and felli grew depressed and she died not too long afterwards but she did actually quite well considering her early upbringing the whole of her life was in some way surprisingly successful. So just take a little scan of how you're feeling. And if there's any of this year might be relating to some people can really relate to feeling so awkward socially and scared maybe having symptoms sort of painful self soothing symptoms when it comes to interpersonal relating. So why did i tell you that. Story that poignant and painful hopeful story. The point of this case was really looking at how through relationship we can sneak up on attachment and so basically those ducks snuck up on her. And she couldn't do the relationship's directly like the courting but those babies were able to kind of get it in under her defense and then once that happens fear went down. Her approach behaviors began to come online and able to be a real true shift in how she was able to relate this ties into just attachment in general this balance of fear which we need to stay safe and be you know monitoring ourselves but also our desire to be close. It's kind of the balance of that that you know if it's balanced well that's another way of thinking of security if we're too scared right. We can't let people get close if we hang onto tight. It's also not secure relating another way to think of it. Is that fear behavior when it comes to relationships again this is just for those of you who may have your own attachment disruptions or injuries or hurts so that getting close to people sometimes scary. Well it creates a voidance behavior right. You want to flee want to move away from an. It's not something that you feel approaching so if you notice one of the things that happens in the case is that by this rather artificial introduction of the ducks to phillies life. The researchers were able to sneak up on that escape behavior that she was doing and reduce for fear and then that allowed her to have more approach behaviors and be able to let people get closer. Let people you can see how. I'm totally relating to this goose. As a as a person the beauty of this is that there's hope when ways to understand some of her sometimes was to think of it as again. It's approach avoidance. It was a strategy so she tries to close to that little sound and then she runs away. She would try to get close to the other giessen and she runs away so you can see that the attachment was still in there like she wanted to go towards but the fear then would become overwhelming and she'd run away and i think a lot of people can relate to that feeling of wanting to be close to people but declining of a -tations are looking away or just being too scared to stay open to that person's gays or to the compliment or to the good nourishment and nutrients that are coming towards you enter personally like to use this case to invite everybody to think about felli as hopeful. We can sneak up on it. If you don't have a pet and you can relate to any of this. I would encourage you to get one. That is one of the ways if we go back to steve porches and political theory and fear and threat that if you can connect with doesn't matter what it is you know your puppy your kitty your salamander your parents. It does not matter. But that's a version of sneaking up on the attachment system and helping you feel safe with approach and the savory filled with approach. Then that's going to encourage more approach unhealthy attachment system kind of come back online. So why don't you scan inside yourself for your own escape behaviors. Sometimes it's our work. Sometimes it's our church. Our religious practice sometimes are religious. Practice is what helps connect us to ourselves into our community and two are close people men other times we can use it as a wall as a way to push people away. What other escape might you have if you think about it. Food sugar sex shopping. Maybe by thinking about felli fell whose bravery of letting herself get close. It changed her life. It changed the rest of her life and part of it had to do with the ducklings. Not rejecting her the ducklings you know pushed past her defense and crawled up under there and that helped her kind of kick in and be protective and let them approach. So who are the ducks in your life. That could help you. You know her the folks that are safe enough that are kind of hanging around and would like to get closer. Just need you to let them in just needs you to let them kinda skin so hope you enjoyed this case. We're all animals for all part of the animal kingdom and sometimes we can see things more clearly looking at another species. And i hope you enjoy felli. If you'd like to read the whole case. Like i said it is in the show notes. Dan stearns article is in the show notes. And then i also have the reference to the original research on fully city. So i hope you all enjoyed that story. And if founded impactful feel free to share it with someone who might need it as hope of being able to shift our attachment strategies and overcome fear and get close with people if you enjoy this kind of material and you would like to study it more deeply or just join the community of folks that are discussing and learning together. Please join us on. Patron dot com slash therapist censored. We are now beginning to offer. Reading groups appear lead reading groups of our community. It's really cool again. Share freely one of the best things you can do to support us. If you'd like to jump on and give us a review it helps discover ability and that way people all over the world can learn more about this incredible attachment science and use it to reduce their escape behaviors and let people get close and promote security across the world thinks lessening. see around the bend. Therapist uncensored is ann kelley in sue marriott. Podcast is edited by jack anderson.

felli Dr anne kelly sumeria marriott dan stern conrad lorenzo conrad helga woodhead ducks Lorenzo lorenzo Stern felicity dan Bob moore switzerland hunter phillies Dan stearns
Feeling hopeful even in pain

The big d zone

21:54 min | 5 months ago

Feeling hopeful even in pain

"Okay this is a prince. Dj here in a second palace. It no is not Over with the wild card weekend. I just wanna come in here because i have thoughts as you may know twenty twenty one to year for anybody to go to and within the start of this whole pandemic. I was trying to almost trying to beat You know trying to deal with the death of my spouse princess Danielle theresa porter And with this year with everything haywire. Oh we wasn't even known yet. I almost had a nervous breakdown. Dan months later. We go onto this craziness of the election and everything was all overwhelming to the point that i will fly. Stop and no yeah. I wanted to move into another tank of palace because of the rules and stuff like that makes it feel trapped. Because i had to. I wasn't able to get to the church that been there for me. Ever since i've been a widow were and this was five long years. The patience stress anxiety grief. They all hurt. They all hurt. And what i've been through even in last week. We just entered the new year. I i was not only able to see fight. Worth from. Youtube was a much better quality than when i was able to see outside my window because it was too fast but and yet i was able to see fireworks in Here in st louis but just as far as the new year's was beginning the theme problem but it was added an increased. Because as you know monday. I lost a really good friend and someone i mentored when i taught him how to do television he could doing it up until the day it was almost like he was another allistair. Begg as you could say. He's been doing jeopardy until he passed but tyrone tyrone. Jonathan had been doing breakdown. I'll follow the even. When i was when i moved out of new jersey. I found them all this time. Whenever i was able to get all wifi internet the follow his progress. And i'm very proud of him. Just something. I want to still do like when they said depression of people start to lose interest in things they enjoy but this and travel why because it provides me and escape it provides the means to not think about suicidal thoughts. And it's very heavy when it comes to severe depression suicidal thoughts. Because i've been a widower for five years. Now i gotta deal with the loss of my long term friend. Now if i didn't move to springfield to get married and then and then you know. I was wearing tyrone was. He never got married. I mean this will be at where i would have been at a votes. And do i use the shows lifeline. Because it's hard to get therapy. I mean therapy. It's a wait list. I mean especially when you're in a big city like st louis okay. I'm still waiting for christian therapist. I wanna christian therapy. Because i didn't want a world therapists. I will get one. Dedicate of the merger. The but i only wanted a christian therapist you know because they believe in god they believe in in jesus they believe in the holy spirit. Maybe you even believe that. Angels like i do. Yes i i've on pay for their god. They're near the their gills people and the ceo. Jesus you know. I believe in all of that but probably when life this get you so smack down and one year and then a week into a new year. I was in bed for a week. I did not wanna get up after i add. I heard that that news indiana was still eating. I was like my best friends down. I wanted home. I keep begging the theo just like i've been begging when i didn't want to go through the same feelings when my wife passed away. The voidance the sickness the tears. And then when i went to the cemetery mom my late gateway i did not want to fill any of that again when you love somebody you know you you you know when somebody that you love you know. I know each every citizen that is a part of bakti country that love somebody and when passed away. You're still dealing with that greece even today still dealing with it. I don't know. Is that the fact that i don't want to commit suicide because of the pain involved because i can't deal with the pain i deal with pain the needles. I don't like needles. Unless they're very small and i could feel it like i got the flu shot but it's very hard. It's very hard to deal with. The new jeff thought that she was trying to get over one deaf. That was very close to you then goto pandemic by yourself and done around. Here comes the new year. You all go to another devotee somebody that you know. Wow i mean it's ridiculous. It's it's really really is ridiculous then going into the unknown and like i said i voted. I didn't. I didn't vote for the the the candidate but i didn't like the way the election goal because of the you know the issues the election. I didn't like it. Everybody wants a fair election. Even run for lieutenant governor. I want them fair lesson but now debating whether the change parties what. I should stay republican. Or go to the constitutionalists. Maybe a libertarian. I don't know. I don't know because what happened at the capitol is just change the my though everybody dennis about Government or you know supported their politicians or whoever daylight and it's it's it's ridiculous. I mean it's coming to the point that i don't recognize where i am anymore. I don't recognize when i am anymore. I'm all for. I'm all for a peaceful fight. But i don't condone violence anywhere. You know but. I am so glad that this account still with the dirt by susana georgia election by the two senators. Glad that he got what he deserved because he kept help from coming to us earlier and he only one enough to get on the dollars. He kept us again. Help from eight month. Eight months the the apple year gone people. Losing their jobs and everything. Yeah i did too but you know then everything. I have to go to dinner when the senate i mean mitch one. What was the one that told me out a peanut conservative. Oh oh no. I'm just going to be a middle of the road. Republican and think how i feel at different issues if both to have all thoughts all mine and the way that we feel about different issues i mean countries both be never plea countries both to be about the idea to face. Besson's isn't it. But i'm asking why i'm here now. Most of my friends online and my church friend is just a call Away while my friend in in springfield. But then i'm getting another church or joining another charge. I'd say I'm dingo was either double bridge or anything like that. I didn't do none of that but the thought that i don't like pain. It's painful the methods of suicide. It's painful it's still. You're not gonna die quickly. I always had the theo due date tend to. I'm stupid big in them on my everyday. God can you please take me home came. Please take me home. The hanging out with you. Why alice now tyrone you know in others that pat perform. You might wanna see again. you know. it's really hard. It's really hard in fact that the thing is a lot of these places doors close or early. We don't have no convenience anymore if you can't get just your Supplies before the cold. Well you just gotta live without them till they reopened. I mean we used to live in a world where everything with twenty four hours. We don't there. Might be a smidgen of places that's open twenty four hours but we don't. We don't have that because the covid we don't have that and most places you can go willy nilly anywhere. You wanted to go anytime that you want to go anymore. You have to reserve time. And what of his co. like it is now or if it's too humid or whatever rain either one of us know. Get what you'd have to make a new schedule. Whatever but you can't go there. Willy nilly though as snow and i got i'll go a different they or it's not safe to go up today. I'll go different day. You can't do that unless re book. We need our tweeted again. We need our choices again. We need toys again. We don't have that we don't have that and somehow the ceo's keeping me for what. I don't know what can i do. I don't know when. I'm stuck in my apartment on resting filling depressed anxious and now i gotta go through that again but with my best friend. I mean it's really totally hard now. Unless they transferred to guardian angels. Now there is dusting guardian angels. I believe in nadi angels. I believe in the holy spirit. I believe in jesus i believe in god. I believe that there's a heaven hell but the fact of the matter is like it's hard as hell and alassio twenty twenty. What's help in an entry. Twenty twenty one. When i found out that my best friend died another hell said lewd another year. And i gotta go to another l. I gotta get out detail. I want to be happy again. I'm trying to find that. Well i don't do this whole trying to find out how to get out of this. Double depression doubling ninety. I'm trying to get out of it by pendant. Biden will do. I'm worried about that. A more about another lockdown tried to you know. I guess you could say the repor. Sometimes it doesn't always work out when you're trying to be a trapper. It's hard because food bed on time. Oh yeah that the dirt you want. But it's hard to be a paper. It's hard and i'm finding finding does that I'm finding Depression anxiety grief times to suicidal thoughts. But with no plan. Because i can't take the pain i can't do it. I just can't do it because mental as mental. Because if i was happy i wouldn't be thinking about that only be matter of fact like i want to go back on the cruise so bad. I wanted to go back to a pot fest in june. I want to go back there. I want to go where you know on my podcast in buddies park loud podcast family. I want to go back. I wanna go back there. Maybe that's why maybe that's why haven't done in fact that you know even though i feel it on that. Theo is helping me and your prayers. Your prayers. I'll help me through it even our sleep a lot. I am just being adopted again. I'm the thinner just like everybody else in this world. I'm a thin just like anybody else who just ask god to forgive me and faith me. I still get angry very angry. And you know i mean it's it's i just wanna be happy. I mean i'm not going to be perfect. But i just wanna be happy. I just wanna be happy again. I don't want to have these thoughts. I wanted to be difficult. I you know. Well what a permitting. But i want to be active again. I wanna get married again. I want to have the family that i didn't have like everybody else. Have a family. In what david pool to the pandemic. they have a family together. And i see all these pictures Deputy i missed that. I don't have that intimacy you know. I hate social distancing. Still i hate it every time. I say that were made me wanna vomit. You get to do that because i did. That involve vegas a lot bedtime that got thick and it was not one but i want to feel joy again. I want full sad all the time. I just wanna be happy. I'm book median especially especially during the nfl. The nfl pickup. It's one of my popular podcast. Well at least the podcast. I don't know about you but at least on the podcast. I if one of my popular podcast betsy for people that on sports people love sports so i wanna get back to my committee. I want in order to do that. I want to be happy again. I wanna pull a job right out of my head you know. I wanna do my person nations again like this is a man. Why are you the you should turn the mania his info the us right now good sable hair get dumb your land right now as icty please your yeah i forgot to tell you on the piece that when i went to the store on friday because i ran out of drinks on the same day and i don't know what happened but i was a got a smaller car but thank god the on the front was pulled a pulled up a little bit but i had like one of those cramps and one of those muscle spasms or something like that and it makes you feel hard to get up or felt like i was week for a little bit but it was harder for me to Get up okay. Yeah it makes it. Feel harder for me to get up at time. And i had the way for a while and then i could wait to pull in. You know to pull it. So that i could get up and move around and And then when. I lay down to feel better but it's really painful at time and i wanted to get back to before was on friday because it's it's just starting as light. I i thought. I had it like the mini stola. I had the other the other year. The year that i started missing night shine and then i i started. Yeah then i started to You know one. Or how in the world of paint in. Because i don't remember falling anyway. I was on the electric car. I will on the Yeah on the lead takada at the store and then getting into car. And you know getting groceries up to my apartment to the second pallet and in still hurting a little bit. I am taking medicine but it's still sore. Still fill sword abed. I'm praying that this is all this all gonna go away because you know i'm trying to make us. I don't have to go in a colder weather. So all that good stuff though. But i just want to tell you that you know That i felt kind of pain. I was like i like the on my right on my left side. You know. i don't feel swollen or anything like that but it's just strange is just really strange though he ain't gonna handle kneeling on it. It's just a tar saul fifty day out.

Danielle theresa porter tyrone tyrone depression suicidal st louis tyrone springfield Begg pat perform depression palace Jonathan Dan susana Besson new jersey Depression anxiety Youtube Angels indiana greece
389: How You Can Avoid Information Avoidance

The No B******t Marketing Podcast

14:33 min | 5 months ago

389: How You Can Avoid Information Avoidance

"Bullshit it's the no. Bs marketing show. I dave masto vich ceo and founder of mass solutions. The world's only no bullshit marketing firm. Do we avoid information. That can help us. Do we avoid information. That can help us. Yes yes sadly. We tend to do this and now there's a study that actually proves it in case you don't believe me emily ho a professor at northwestern university led a survey of more than twenty three hundred participants. Who were asked whether they would like to get information that could be useful to them related to how they work how long they might live whoo personal financial opportunities like retirement and their strengths and weaknesses. What would you think of getting that type of information. If you said you'd like it and that you'd use it. You might not be telling the whole truth. That's because information avoidance is pervasive. That's the term the big takeaway from the studies information avoidance. We tend to avoid information that will make us uncomfortable. And we think we might not be able to fix or grow or move upon or change. The factor tied to information avoidance is perceived action ability if people perceive that they can't easily or realistically take action on changing something. They ignored it. That's what information avoidance is. So what's an example. If someone were show you or someone out there that they need to save more for retirement and the person they're showing that to phil's they're struggling in general. They're struggling to make ends meet. They don't want to hear it so they tend to ignore it. And that's the key with information avoidance. Some people do listen to information that makes them uncomfortable so we want to talk about both ends of the spectrum so who does listen to this type of information while the study showed that people who were more curious and more receptive to opposing views tended to want more information frequently and they were more apt to take action on people who were more curious and more receptive to opposing views. Now we've seen in the past few years in the elections that there's a lot of people out there that are receptive to opposing views. Right what we've learned Overtime and now with social media is that one of our weaknesses as humans is now. There aren't as many people that are receptive to opposing views. And it's quite easily for us to not hear or see our videos or read opposing views and we can get inflamed and charged up by others who share our views so what the study show was the people who were more curious and more receptive to opposing views tend to want more information frequently and they were more apt to on making positive change from that information. So why do you care. Why should you care about this because some of our listeners. may be really liked to hear the marketing ideas that we have in the no bullshit ideas. We haven't maybe aren't consciously receptive to opposing views because most people out there won't admit that they're not receptive traversing views. It's subconscious well. Why should this matter to you. What the reason it should matter is information. Voidance is going to keep us from hearing uncomfortable. Information you've heard me for about a decade talk about getting uncomfortable getting comfortable with being uncomfortable getting comfortable with being uncomfortable so if the study showed people who were more curious and more receptive to opposing views were more apt to listen to information. That could help them if you're a competitor there if you're someone that likes to win at business if you're someone likes to grow personally think about that. Someone who's going to compete with you. It's more open and receptive to opposing views. We more apt to take advantage of that information and they'll be more apt to outperform you. So the study showed the people who were more curious and more receptive to opposing views tended to want more information tend to be able to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and ten outperform you who is less receptive to opposing views another group and probably many people in the same group that just described where people who had a higher need for intellectual engagement so people that higher need for intellectual engagement wanted to hear more and more. They wanted to try to find ways to get better at what they were week at. No one information to people want to hear about it work across the board. Not just those people who had a higher need for intellectual engagement or just those people who were willing to hear opposing views in general even the people that suffered from information avoidance. What did they wanna hear about it. Work interesting the question quote. Do you want to know how horrible you are. Do you want to know how replaceable you are was the one that eighty five percent of respondents said they'd want to know now academics call this subjective wellbeing subjective wellbeing which is avoiding information. That could make you feel bad because we perceive that the help from the information's outweighed by the hurt. So information avoidance and subjective. Well being tied together when someone wants to know how replaceable they are. That is information that might make them feel bad but that the help from that isn't outweighed by the hurt. The help from that isn't outweighed by the hurt. Because the help is if you find out that your significantly and easily replaceable. That hurts but wade helped you. As you're gonna quickly say. Wow i need. They've get another job because you're probably not going to send you to change because of information. Avoid since subjective wellbeing. So that question. How replaceable am i was what people wanted. Eighty five percent of people wanted to that because the help outweighed the hurt but most of the time people will perceive that the help does not outweigh the hurt. So they have subjective wellbeing and information avoidance. Let me give you another example. The vast majority of people that were surveyed did not want to know how much time they wasted at the vast majority of people. Surveyed did not want to know how much time wasted at work. The hurt outweighed the help. Because they're wasting time at work. They don't think they're wasting at time of work. They're comfortable with how they're working. They don't want to change because it's painful so that in him wanna hear how much time they're wasting at work. But you do want to know how replaceable or you are. Because that's something that could impact you your family your well being way more than trying to change and reduce the at a time. You wasted work so now if you're one of those people that doesn't like opposing views you're ticked off at me. You're being a bullshitter. You're saying i don't like this episode. This guy is full of crap. I don't like this episode. Because it's telling me that. I have information avoidance in subjective. Well being if you're one of those people that doesn't like to hear opposing views or if you're one of those people that doesn't get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You might not like what i'm saying. But this is what the impure evidence of a study shows. And if you think about it logically and remove yourself from the equation it does make sense that we don't want to necessarily hear how much time we waste at work. We would want to know if we're not replaceable. Because that makes us feel pretty good if it's like hiding elected replaces easily if they could replace this easily. We wanna know that too so we can start planning. But we don't necessarily want to know how much time we wasted work at subjective wellbeing and information avoidance at the risk of making you uncomfortable at the risk of having an opposing view. You don't wanna hear. I'm gonna say don't avoid this information. Don't be subjective about your well being in this case instead. Think about this. Commit to avoiding information avoidance jump right in and hear things that might make you uncomfortable because not thinking about. It doesn't make it go away if you commit to listening and doing little steps to improve you'll make positive incremental change and i can tell you from personal experience that his what's increased my life satisfaction for decades is positive incremental. Change i to get down to have subjected wellbeing. I to information avoidance but when i fought it and i've got comfortable being uncomfortable and realized that not thinking about something doesn't make it go away and then i say okay. Maybe i can't get to that way that they're telling me the seven things they're telling me to. Maybe i can only do three. I'm gonna start trying to do number one. And lo and behold i would make positive incremental change and then jumped onto number two and number three and then suddenly and before that. I didn't think i could do actually doing. Its positive incremental change now. I've not done it in every facet of my life. I'm just like you. I'm this thing called a human. But i'm telling you my personal experiences. That positive incremental change is huge to a healthy mindset and i would say healthy overall positive incremental change. So i'm asking you to not avoid this and not have subjective wellbeing but this is also the no bullshit marketing show so i wanna talk about communication. I wanna talk about your messaging your marketing think about what the episodes about know that many people in your target audience are avoiding information if it something that requires change and most of what we do as marketers is trying to reach influencing gauge and change people's feelings and actions so if you as noble shit marketer know that many people in your target audience or avoiding information need to position that communication away that's less intimidating and more encouraging you need to make it about them but also make it about incremental positive change making about incremental change that leads to a positive. That's what you can do as a marketer when you're deciding on a big idea when you're deciding to write something or marcel on our team deciding to shoot a certain shot a certain way. Mike and benita are working on the one hundred activation planner. We've got all of our writers and designers and visual experts and direct marketing goo rules thinking about things. I want them to think in terms of how everyone they're trying to communicate with is practicing some level of information avoidance some level of subjective wellbeing senior to make it about them but make it about positive incremental change make it less intimidating and more encourage inc. That's what you can take away from this episode immediately for your work now. On personal one major takeaway can all benefit from his to be open to opposing views to learn how others perceive things. Because this will help you as a storyteller as well when you learn how others perceive things. it doesn't mean you agree with an opposing viewpoint. It doesn't mean you've sold out. You don't have to change your opinion at all but practicing empathy and understanding. Someone else's. Why is a whole lot better than blocking it out or just disparaging opposing views and the people who have them. So if you're able to practice that and understand someone else's y and here that opposing view that helps you as a marketer as a storyteller because it helps you to communicate. It might even help you to better frame your opposing view of that person so that's the takeaway on a personal gross standpoint but also as a marketer and storyteller standpoint that i want you to have so i hope this episode of the no. Bs marketing show has been valuable to you. I love coming to you with these things that inspire me and motivate me to try to have incremental positive change. Subsoil was recorded in the lair in our own studios in bode beautiful downtown pittsburgh pennsylvania. Remember ask yourself. What's the big idea and build your story around the answer. It's all about boats solutions no bs.

dave masto mass solutions emily ho northwestern university phil wade benita marcel Mike Subsoil pittsburgh pennsylvania
Theres More to Trauma than PTSD

The Psych Central Show

26:58 min | 2 years ago

Theres More to Trauma than PTSD

"They. Welcome to the psych central show. Where each episode presents an in depth look at issues from the field of psychology and mental health with host gave Howard and co host Vincent m Wales. Hello everyone. And welcome to this week's episode of psych central show podcast. My name is Gabe Howard. And I'm here with my fellow host, Vincent, m Wales and our guest today is Dr Robert t Mueller, and he is the author of the psychotherapy book trauma and the struggle to open up from voidance to recovery and growth, which focuses on healing from trauma. Robert, welcome to the show. Very glad. Here. We are glad to have you. So the word trauma is thrown around a lot these days. What do we really mean by that? Well, so there are different kinds of traumatic experiences. But they all are base in the fact that something clear has happened to the person in the external world, something that overwhelms their normal helping Bility's and this can be a natural disaster. Of course. But it can also be an event that occurs in the home. It could be something like physical or sexual abuse from a caregiver various kinds of assault. And these are experiences that are overwhelming and most people who go through these overwhelming experiences don't end up with close to Matic stress disorder or various kinds of consequences, but number of do and when they do they're left with these feelings of great distress. And that's what we refer to as trauma that the feelings that are left in the person that affect them that affect their choices. But in fact, they relation. Ships and affect way, they engage in friendships soloing an overwhelming experience, and it's hard. It's they're very tough for people to deal with you know, outside of people who work in this field. The only really thing that they understand about trauma is post traumatic stress disorder. That's like the closest that the general public gets when you're talking about trauma where does where does PTSD fit in. Can you kinda help people understand that so return PTSD we see in the psychiatric literature, and by PTSD Renes that the person has a disorder after traumatic even post traumatic stress disorder. So that means that they are continuing to suffer. And by disorderly mean that their mental health is suffering, and they're experiencing symptoms of re experiencing the than flashbacks they made remember memory intrusions memories of the vans. And that's very severe. They also have startled responses where they're stressed very very usually on by stress. It can be very overwhelming stress. They also have a problems with mood because they often feel depressed because these traumatic experiences, and then finally they try to stay away from the things that the mind about whatever happened. So we see post traumatic stress disorder in the end vets and Gulf war that that's come back from us ghanistan for sure that we can also see these symptoms in victims of domestic violence and people who have been to experiences knees in who haven't gone to war. So PTSD Thurs to the the psychiatric language that's used to describe the symptoms that many people have traumatic events. So that's really by PTSD. Thank you so much for that. And just to clarify, you can be traumatized and not develop PTSD. Is that correct? Will you can be through? Yeah. So here we get into. Little bit of like different words can come times similar things. But when we talk about someone who is traumatized, they have all kinds of symptoms. They may not have exactly that cluster of things that mentioned that that we call PTSD, but they're gonna have very similar experiences. There's something called complex PTSD, and that's a little bit different complex -pedia. The refers to people very often have had from that happen in childhood. And in relationships, they feel betrayed by people. Who who they thought were going to care for them most? And when people have complex PTSD, very often what they have are huge problems in relationships. So they've been hurt by somebody. They may feel tremendously abandoned by summer who they trust it and then in life and in relationships, they know struggled to trust. And they often really question. Other people. They question whether they really trust them. And then a hard time with those relationships because they feel scared there. Many feelings of fear that come over them. Shame feelings of shame common and complex ATS's so complex PTSD can take longer to heal than than PG. Treatment for PTSD tends to be something more. Like, let's say smokes to a year treatment of complex PTSD can be two three years. Maybe even four years something like that pretty common. So those are some distinctions thank you gave them are both very familiar with abandonment disorder, and that sort of thing attachment disorders, and there seems to be a very clear relation there with with complex PTSD for sure there's there often is, but for sure their feelings of abandonment, very often people with complex PTSD, and there are attachment problems. So by attachment that means that in times of distress. They have difficulty turning to others who if you had a secure what's called a secure attachment. You might have an easier time turning to the people who feel shooting or should care about you, you you might do that more easily like turn to them and ask for help and feel comfortable with that. But when. People have with called an insecure attachment, and this is very common complex PTSD. They have a greater difficulty turning to those people who really think that they could turn to their husband friends had a hard time turning to them. They feel very very frightened very often. People are gonna are just gonna let them down. It's very very challenging disorder to treat. But it's important for therapist who works with people like this be what's called trauma informed, where they know about the effects of trauma that they can help people like this managing spine their way through the trauma, informed care, something again, coming up, more and more and mental health circles. Can you explain what trauma informed care means? So there are many conditions that are related to trauma. It's not just trauma, therapists, who come across people who have trauma histories family, doctors, very often will come across people who come in complaining of. My grains, five or my own show on T, irritable bowel syndrome mean system kind of disorders stress related disorders, all in goes are rarely exacerbated in people who have trauma histories, so it's very important for family. Doctors are important for teachers actually to be trauma informed because you may see a kidney or craft who appears to have ADHD. They can't sit still there boulder, and that we also be a reaction to trauma, and I'm not saying that every person has all these disorders has a trauma history. I'm not saying most of the time with people migraine is not because of trauma, but if you do have a trauma history, all of those conditions can be greatly exacerbated. And so it's very important for professionals who work interpersonal with people family doctors chiropractors, dentists temperamental or joint function can be a symptom of trauma. Teachers, nurses, very important for them to be trauma informed for them to understand about the different manifestations of trauma, and there are many very often than the us system because of the stress of trauma in use of has been affected, and that makes you more susceptible to allied different disorders dots. Why you need to be trauma informed now for someone who has a preexisting mental illness, whether it's BI polar or depression, or what have you how are they affected by trauma is at any differently than than someone without those those issues. Yeah. Yeah. So trauma, exacerbates other kinds of conditions of people. Have let's say a family history of depression or family is bipolar illness. And then very traumatic thing happens to them die can answer bait other problems that they have. So it's it's very difficult to disentangle this symptom caused by this is caused by. And it's imp-. Possible really to disentangle west caused by what? But what you do want to do is you wanna work with people? If you're doing therapy in individuals than through this. You wanna work with him in a way where if somebody has by polio where you get them seeing good sokaiya trysts who can describe away medication. But then if trauma history that doesn't mean that that fit with medications all of the treatment. No, somebody has trauma to St.. He's gotta find a way to talk about what's happened to them. And that's very difficult me from hard to talk about. And so good trauman from therapist will work with the person in a measured paste way, something slowly feel comfortable with starting talk about what happened and that can be challenging it's interesting as someone who lives with bipolar disorder. I know the importance of being able to tell my medical team, whether it's, you know, psychiatrist a social worker psychologist, you know, what's going on inside my head. What my challenges are what I need help with it. Sounds like you're saying somebody who just has trauma background really needs to respond the same way they have to be able to explain that to their medical team in order to get the right care. Well, the thing was trauma is that people. A lot of professionals are not trauma informed. And so what ends up happening is that you get people going in for symptoms. So somebody would've trauma history typical kind of presentation. I'll just give name Susan was waived, let's say in university. She experiences, all kinds of difficulty and crosses. She then goes and sees her her doctor gets put on antidepressant is okay for a year or two on this anti-depressant. And then she starts to date again. And then whoa, all these symptoms. Start to come back. She starts experience confusion, chic experiences other symptoms. Like headaches goes back. Get sent to. Specialist then she says she has difficulty with eating then the question wake shit and eating disorder. And so what you end up with is this schmo of sport of different professionals. This person's specializing repression that person specially when being so this person specializing in in my grains, in whatever trying to treat this person. And you don't have a coherent treatment plan. And it's because none of these professionals actually sat down with her and said, tell me a little bit about what what happened in your life of the last five years walk me who it what's happened anything important. So me about it. And if you do that were people you can eat for this sort of thing that you can see okay. Yes. This person's had these depression symptoms in these the eating disorder seem to really gotten a lot worse when dot dot. And then you could start to put the pieces of the puzzle together. And so you're not just treating for this disorder that disorder. We other disorder. But you do coherent plan to help the person find ways start to deal with the underlying trauma that much of variety of different. So that's where it's really important to be trauman where we right back. After these words from our sponsor this episode is sponsored by better health dot com. Secure convenient and affordable online counseling. All counsellors are licensed accredited professionals anything you share is confidential schedule secure video or phone sessions plus chat and text with your therapist. Whenever you feel. It's needed a month of online therapy often cost less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to better health dot com forward slash psych, central and experienced seven days of free therapy to see if online counseling is right for you better. Help dot com forward slash psych central. Welcome back. We're here with Dr Robert t Mueller discussing trauma. There's a therapy relationship. What? So Morten about that. Well, yeah, it's really really important too syrupy relationship and in trauma, work touched -absolutely true. It's it's even true and other kinds of psychiatry or psychological problems research on outcomes of of mental health, problems and treatment strategies, what we find is that regardless of school of thought that the clinician uses let's say people, go to cognitive behavioral hair or the person goes sear Agnes or the person goes to see gestalt there. You name it, regardless of the school of thought the one thing that seems to run through out Sarabi is the benefits of having good strong psychotherapy relationship. And so this means that if you're cognitive behavioral therapist might be that the person got better impart because you're helping look they're underlining thoughts and feelings and how you help them change their behaviors they'll improve their feeling maybe maybe the piece of it. But it also is the case. Some research what we know is that if you do that in the context where the two of you are really working together and feel drugs saying page and therapy will be much more effective. So so this is true for all schools up there, psychoanalysis and everything else. And so this therapy relationship research shows is really important. So what does that mean carapace and called are working to get on the same page working toward similar goals the same roles really you have to have similarity of around the goals, and there's a sense of warmth. There's a sense that the client feels that they're therapist gives a dart that they really do actually care. And and they're this gets it the client how to feel that the therapist gets it and listening as paying attention. These are really important skills, and you know, call. Rogers and the eighteen fifties really honed in on this. And since then we've come up with all kinds of therapies, and I'm not saying these other therapies are not helpful. I'm just saying that going back to basics is really important that the skills that Rodgers Tom around embassy turns out to be in fact, what research shoes, they're important, and this is really the case with trauma therapy when you've been traumatized, and you've been traumatized most often when people feel in relationships that they've been hurt then they might work with comparison. See my therapist like me, or my therapist is being abandoned the right there. This is judging and it's understandable that you'd feel this way as a client. If you've been hurt and your trust is violated. You're going to be very cautious for good reason in relationships, and you're even gonna be cautious around your relationship with your best. You don't know whether you're just trying to manipulate you in all in all. Fairness you don't know. And so it's very important for the therapist to be tinted to these kinds of relational issues and trauma were climbing ions say page, and that sort of thing who should go to trauma therapy. I mean, who is I know that the answer might be anybody who's traumatized but more specifically like who is trauma therapy for exactly. So very often. If you're holding in something that feels like it's a huge burden dot something to notice Sapir tension to this question, ask yourself and my carrying around a deep burden from years ago. Am I holding onto a secret a secret that of other people knew I would feel judged? I would feel that they would hate me. I would feel ashamed of those sorts of things, and I being loyal to people who harm to me. Those are all questions that you can ask yourself. I talk a little bit about this. In trauman struggle open up idea of how people how many trauma symptoms develop in. These themes are really really big teams of secrecy things of betrayal. Things of loyalty to those who maybe you shouldn't be so loyal to those kinds of questions to ask yourself. That is the thought of some memory about something 'cause it make you feel sick. The make you feel like this feeling of on a bad person. You know, when I think about X Y Z that happened to me, I feel terrible guilt. How could I how can I done that? If you're asking yourself questions, like why me or if you're asking your questions of yourself, like why not me why did XYZ happen to my brother and got me, those sorts of questions are very important questions. That candy dressed in trauma therapy and very often. People have those questions in association. With symptoms with you know, when you think about XYZ that I just mentioned maybe feel depressed or maybe you feel south load or disappointed in yourself. Why did I do that? Why didn't I help my sister? When such and such when dad did what you know such dad was drinking the way he was was why didn't I ask yourself those two questions and your pained by it that might be a sign that getting helped talking to therapist around your histories is important because you've been trying to deal with this on your own for so long, and I feel very lonely to feel very burdensome. And you don't have to be alone in dealing with these. Housing therapy. We also have what we call post traumatic growth is that just a fancy word for recovery or well, no, no, it's related to recovery. I mean, people you you hope that too from therapy. People will get back to the way they were before, you know, they started really deteriorating. But it doesn't exactly work that way recovery is a bit unpredictable, and what happens is as people start to talk about their problems and start to talk about their history. They start to deal with things in a way that they never dealt with before. And so they start asking them questions. Like, I mentioned why me why not make those kinds of questions. What's my place in the world? After what happened to me? I thought my identity would be such and such. But now, I just don't know. So when you start addressing questions like that, those kinds of questions lead to. Revaluate of yourself, and so along with recovery along with yielding better along with removing or removing recovering from these psychiatric symptoms that you really want to to recover from along with that house, and you understanding as you start to delve into issues tasks, and so that's where there's an opportunity for what's called post traumatic growth that through the process of talking about and questioning and dealing with. There's a reckoning and that reckoning can help you grow in ways. You may not have imagined. You may realize things about yourself that you that you haven't really thought of before, you know, like, you may realize things like previously when I thought about such and such I just don't guilt about what I did as I think about it. Now, actually, I was pretty strong the way I stood up to so. And so the way I did session such and I feel actually feel proud of myself for that that may not sound like a big deal. But it can really feel like a big deal if you felt ashamed of yourself for so long. Do do you think there's a lot of people who are suffering from trauma who just don't realize it? And how do we reach those people because you can't exactly has for help. If you don't know that you are in need of help. Right. Will this is why Trump education is so important. There's getting to be more and more education about this. I have an online pre mental health magazine called the trauma. And then they'll help report where my students, and I we publish articles will very very straightforward articles written for general consumption, like they're not Akkad damage, heavy kinds of articles. And we're trying to teach people about you know, what happens in trauma, and we have a lot of stories, you know, for example, one of my favorite stories is corporal speaks ten questions for soldier who served in Afghanistan. And he tells his story this corporal who came back I happen to be Canadian he served alongside Americans and many of the stories. Late actually to American soldiers. He worked sir with. And it's just a really interesting story is is always. And and so we're trying to teach about how people struggle with things things in a way that in general public construction. Learn it's not just, you know, people in mental health or whatever or Akkad demo about this stuff. But that that people in general population can can start to learn about this. And I think there's greater interest. There's more interest lately noticed in the topic of dissociation people who have been trauma, many of them dissociate. So they check out they sort of go absent at times, you know. And why do they do this because sometimes emotional trauma can be so well-made that they lose focus and attention to that and start thinking about some totally different things, and that allows them to to feel okay? But you know, that can be very challenging when we say a lot in every lines. So there's a little bit more knowledge about that. And the Jenner. Public military, increasingly. So I think it's I think it's really about education. And I think what you guys are doing here with this part and other people other mental health park chassar becoming much more commonplace and people are asking these questions. There's more stuff there. I think I think is the way to people to learn about this stuff, we agree with everything you just said except other mental health podcasts were were completely unaware of any other podcast other than this one. Don't search for them. No, just kidding. I just have a couple of more questions because we're about out of time. But one please talk about your book for a moment. And where folks can find it. I'm assuming you're gonna say Amazon, and what got you interested in researching and writing about trauma in the first place. I imagine they go kind of hand in hand for sure. So of the thing about the book for so it's called from and struggled to open up from voidance to recovery gross. Available on Amazon and mental health bookstores as well, it's a there's a hard hard copy kindle show. What would gun the interest in traumas? Not a short answer to originally interested is a little bit different than when I realize, you know, years later when I been working field for a long time, originally, I just thought it was interesting research topic, and my supervisor was interested in graduate school. But what I realized in my forties was that. There was a much deeper unconscious reason, I think that I really got drawn into it. And I also realize this much more. So as I did my own psychotherapy. And that is that my parents were children during the holocaust and both of them actually were separated from their families, and I believe to to some extent traumatized by the holocaust to some extent. I would say that childhoods were shaped in ways that you can never imagine. My father's father was was actually killed. My mother's. Parents were not killed. They're okay. But they were they my mom was separated from them. She was only six years old. She separated parents for months, and so terrifying for six had no idea where her parents were. And they left her in the care of Jewish woman. Again, this saved my mom's life, but this is a terrifying experience for her. And so I grew up with stories about the holocaust and with sores about what it was like to be a child during the holocaust what it means lose easier. Innocence of the child what it means to lose your child that child and so those kinds of experiences, I think to shape shaped me, I believe that ultimately why went into this? Why went into this field, and why can connect with trauma survivors. You know? I think that's fair. Yeah. Yes. Thank you so much while will thank you for sharing that story with us at so prob that's really heavy and thank you so much for for being here and for informing us on on trauma. So that we can. Recognize it and deal with it when we have. Okay. Okay. My pleasure. I remember you can get one week of free convenient affordable private online counseling anytime anywhere by visiting better. Help dot com slash psych central. Thanks. See you next week. Thank you for listening to the sunk central show, please rate review and subscribe on. I choose a wherever you found this phone cost. We encourage you to Xiao show on social media and with friends and family previous episodes can be found at psych central dot com slash show. Psych central dot com is the internet's oldest and launches independent mental health website. Psych central is overseen by up to Joan grow a mental health expert and one of the pioneering leaders in online mental health. Our host gate Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who travels nationally you can find more information on gave at gave Howard don't come. I'll co-host Vinton damn Wales is a trained suicide prevention crisis counselor and all of several award winning speculative fiction novels. You can learn more about Vincent at Vincent, m Wales. Don't comb if you have feedback about the show, please Email talk back at psych central dot com.

PTSD disorder Gabe Howard Dr Robert t Mueller Wales Vincent bipolar disorder assault Vincent m Wales Bility depression ADHD polio us Amazon boulder Susan
The Thought Process Of A Hungover Sunday Night, Charcoal Toothpaste, and Springtime

The Sunday Scaries Podcast

13:37 min | 2 years ago

The Thought Process Of A Hungover Sunday Night, Charcoal Toothpaste, and Springtime

"My name's willed freeze in this is a Sunday scares podcast. Your cure for the Sunday blues. Everybody has the right to rest the key to getting your best rest the right mattress. Meet Lisa with two awesome mattresses excess re's in basis for better deeper rest. The all phone Leesa. Mattress is new and improved featuring cooling LSAT two hundred foam for enhanced pressure leaf for side sleepers or rest and our Sapir a hybrid mattress. The perfect combination of foam in spring for pressure relief and edge to edge. Support leases mission is to provide a better night's rest for everybody from day. One Lisa set out to create a company with heart. That's why they donate one matches for every ten they sell through organizations at work in causes like foster care prevention today, they've donated more than thirty two thousand mattresses through more than one thousand nonprofits to get fifteen percent off your mattress today. Head over to Lisa dot com slash Gary's again. That's Lisa dot com slash Gary's for fifteen percent off of your mattress. And. It's all in the description of this various. And this week's episode. We're gonna talk about the thought process of hungover sleepless night charcoal toothpaste in spring. Suddenly you wake up. What time is it? You think? Sportscenter plays on an endless loop on your bedroom television. You're unsure if you're hot or cold sweat on your brow signals at something about your body temperature. Just isn't right you pure over at the clock on the cable box to thirty two AM. Thank God, you mumble to yourself as you adjust your sheets and comforter still another four hours of sleep before. I can get up for work after all the weekend is over Monday's staring straight in the face. You know, it to you begin to think about all the loose ends from Friday that you never took care of. And all the sudden there's a rush of blood to your head a blanket of anxiety lying there in bed. He will plot your life out while now they're being totally awake or totally asleep. Did I Email her about the air message? He received after lunch on Friday shoot. I can't help this morning because I have a block of meetings from ten till lunch. You find yourself in a wormhole that you need to snap out of before you lie awake until your arm goes off the work week. Officially begins. Think about something else you demand default thoughts about how great the weekend was hell of a Saturday night renew. Your head before thoughts of loss credit cards and open tabs place. Your thoughts of outta town girls and pitchers of beer. You wonder if you left your car to Saturday's final destination to devastate to entertain the idea of going over to your closet and checking your wallet for it. Totally grabbed it right right rolling over to check your phone the screen's brightness blinds you as scramble to lower. You ponder. Checking your Bank account before telling yourself you wait till Tuesday when your body finally feels back to normal. I should tech someone right now it runs through your head, but you can clue that your buddies probably asleep. You turn the television volume down to the bare minimum enroll over to the screens elimination is rendered useless. It's almost four o'clock now, and you still haven't gotten any sleeps into originally waking up. Bruce Springsteen's, I'm on fire echoes through your thoughts at night, I wake up with the sheets soaking wet. He sings and freight chain running through the middle of my head. You wonder if you'll ever fall asleep as you hit the sports highlights run. Their course for the third time. Now, man, this is really what the Sunday scares feel like you think for a few minutes, suddenly somehow five o'clock, and you still have yet to go to bed. Do you get up? And start your day. Do you go to work late and try to capture an extra hour of rest or do you endure? Then silence. Marimba begins. The plays you roll over realized that you somehow got an extra ninety minutes asleep that you begged yourself for just hours earlier, the monotony of your morning routine fast forward to your morning commute where you wonder what the hell you're doing you walk into work, and you sit down at your desk, you feel dead setting your phone on your desk lights up attacks from your friend, man. I slept terribly last night. He tells you I almost texted you to forty five nights a major scares. And that's when you realize that you weren't alone. You're never alone. I was twenty five years old. I started getting headaches that I really couldn't explain they weren't hung over headaches. Despite the amount I was going out at the time. But there's somewhat debilitating them the less. Deep down. I didn't have that many stresses in my life the money. I was making was fine. I didn't want or need a girlfriend at the time. And generally, I was enjoying my life. But there one thing that was causing me more stress, and I'd like to admit my teeth for as long as I can remember my teeth have been a sensitive subject, both literally and figuratively. I hated brushing my teeth as a kid and most of all hated going to the dentist. I don't remember. How long it had been since I've actually gone to the dentist. It had been awhile. My guess was that it was at least three years, but probably closer to four in those headaches. I just talked about they were really ramping up where my teeth falling out after place all them with veneers because my sheer voidance the dentist, I ran every scenario through my head until one day, I finally broke, and I called them isn't emergency. She asked in my head. Yes. It kind of wasn't emergency. I was convinced that my headaches were directly tied to my teeth despite never having any dentistry experience. Luckily for me and my mouth, they squeeze me. In the very next day while the chip away at the plaque and attempted make casual conversation. I'd come to the realization that I had about seven cavities when she scooter chair way for me. She simply said, all right. I'll done looks all good. I was kind of Stalinist. Nothing wrong. Really all this stress for nothing. In the days following everything seemed to look up my teeth had that smooth cleanliness at your tongue can't resist my headaches completely subsided. What I realize was that my headaches were actually tension headaches, the unnecessary stress at I was putting on myself tease weren't the actual reason for them. They work contributing to the problem. Ever since I've been somewhat anal about my teeth. I brushed them appropriately. I try to floss regularly and see a dentist every six months. But as you probably know from previous episodes of this podcast. I also like to experiment so-called health trends, it was about two months ago that I traded in my normal Colgate. Toothpaste and started brush my teeth with activated charcoal toothpaste ordering it from Amazon and using it twice daily. It actually kind of surprised me charcoal. Using a lot of wellness trends today facemasks shampoo lemonade. In terms of brushing teeth asked the dentist dot com claims charcoal toothpaste removes acidic plaque and gives us fresh breath, obviously and Borussia with this kind of toothpaste raises the ph level of your mouth because charcoal binds to acidic elements increases their rate of excretion from your body. Oh, and also allegedly whitens your teeth more in the regular toothpaste while. And while all that science is fine and dandy. I haven't really seen any severe changes in my oral hygiene since implementing it perhaps a little wider, but that could just be the placebo fit kicking it some casual operations though. Well, the first is that it's just downright bizarre. Brush your teeth with something that's so dark in color. Moreover, even weirded spit out the black spit into your sink the first time I did. So despite knowing what I was doing I kind of had a mini panic attack. Because I'm out that suddenly turned totally black on top of that you normally associate Minty freshness with green or blue colors rather than black charcoal. Even knowing what it smells like it's somewhat shocking to feel so Midi and fresh once you're done with your two minutes labor. The only downside I've seen this far though, you're spit, and you're sync are stained black in the minutes fouling brushing. And while the color of your spit may change with time. You may have to do some extra cleaning of your seeing giving us newfound color, but hey, all in the name of health. On and off. I lived in northern Michigan for the better part of twenty seven years while the summers remain ideal. The winters can be rough just this winter alone. My hometown has seen one of the snowiest in coldest winters in recent memory. My uncle once told me on a cold February day, I understand why people develop drinking problems up here. There's just nothing else to do when it's this cold outside in while. He was saying it somewhat in jest. There wasn't truth to it. While normally see in the I know fall sometime in October the following months. Incredible. The changing of colors the excitement of the first snow thanksgiving in everything culminating with a snowy picturesque Christmas. But then January heads it's cold. There's nothing to look forward to the holidays are behind you in all that you have left is the next three months of snow, cold and more snow beautiful. Yes. But it wears on you as you get to these months February March and even April of mother nature's really angry that year. I've discussed seasonal affective disorder before you lacked sunlight, and therefore you lack the endorphins at tell you rain to be happy one winter. I think it was in two thousand thirteen I decide to a dry February a cop out because it's the shortest month of the year. Maybe but I really wanted to shake things up for myself after the slog that is January coming out of it. I felt refreshed and I even extended a couple of weeks into March. Honestly, I don't really remember why I did or what I did besides go scheme to fill my time. But just like this note self even skiing day in and day out got stale. I learned for the sixty degree days when you could just bust out shorts and Shaath my pasty legs despite it being just a little too cold. Still I prayed for golf weather taking practice swings on my carpet looking forward to the season ahead. When the courses finally opened I relent loosely check the forecast hoping for anything above the thirty degrees standard that I got so used to and frankly, these months February March and April they were my least favorite parts of the year. Hell they felt like an entire calendar year. What's going on while I was going through them? But despite how miserable these months can get they are necessary. They make chairs the days ahead, those warm summer days when the only thing on your mind is we're gonna grab the next cold beer. Did I ever like going to work on his dark outside only leave work? What is even darker outside? No, absolutely. Not it was miserable. Just throwing a winter jacket and gloves every time you have to leave the house ever get easier now and does he idea of moving to a warmer climate creep into your mind every morning when you wake up and check the forecast. Absolutely. But without the beatdown that is winter it's impossible to squeeze the life out of those summer days at sometimes feel like they're never going to end while you may be reading the next month of subpar weather before the masters in Kentucky Derby upon us. I promise you they will get better and take advantage of the snowy days while you still got them shoveling a phenomenal workout and swimsuit season is just around the corner. Losing hair sucks. Two out of three guys will experience hair loss by the time. The thirty five introducing keeps the easiest and most affordable way to keep the hair that you have these FDA approved products used to cost so much. But now thanks to keeps. They're finally inexpensive and easy to get for five minutes now and starting at just ten dollars per month. You'll never have to worry about hair loss. Again, getting started with keeps is easy. Sign up takes less than five minutes. All you have to do is answer. A few questions and snap some photos of your hair, a license physician review, your information online and recommend the right treatment for you. And then it's shipped to your door. Every three months keeps offers generic versions of the only two FDA approved hair loss products out there. Some of you have probably tried them before you've probably never gotten them for this price keeps only ten dollars to thirty five dollars a month. Plus now, you can get your first month free one hell of deal forgetting to keep your hair to. Your first month of treatment for free. Go to keeps dot com slash scares. That's K E E P S dot com slash scares. That's a free month treatment at keeps dot com slash. Gary's keeps hair today here tomorrow. If you liked what you heard today, make sure to subscribe review or a friend in need about this podcast by subscribing guarantee that each and every episode gets delivered directly to your phone every single Sunday. You can also follow along on Twitter at Sunday scares and Instagram, which is at Sunday dot scares or you can follow me on both Twitter. Scream it willed freeze and remember always trim the Whigs on your sending candles. Cenex sunday.

Gary Lisa Twitter FDA Leesa Bruce Springsteen Michigan Instagram Borussia K E E P S Amazon Kentucky Derby fifteen percent five minutes three months ten dollars
The Flight 1682 Encounter

All Things - Unexplained

50:54 min | 3 months ago

The Flight 1682 Encounter

"Exc gentleman being island is going starboard. So he's in a voidance mode vs in juny jimmy in lane to no way. Roman all things unexplained hosted by dr mounts. Let's face it. We were always read roll without in any way. Cj derringer perfect rights and smitty nieves. I've never planned out. Hardly anything my whole love free featuring cajun man. I'm old nobody. Somebody's looking for somebody. Hello all you unexplained ones out there. It's cj darren here with my co host to mounts. We are very fortunate to have special guests on the show today. Who have just a plethora of exciting unexplained things to share with us. We have cheryl and murphy from board camp crystal mine. Hague ice high. We are doing great. And we're so happy to have you and we can't wait to learn a little bit more about your business in what you guys do but that is not what originally connected us so last week tim and i did a podcast about the american airlines flight. That the pilot on february twenty first was recorded saying that he had seen something fly over the cabinet. Picks plane had asked if there were any targets got there and said he needed to say it but that it looked like a missile and doing some research on the website deep blue horizon from the gentlemen recorded that i found a comment from cheryl and cheryl you had shared that you had also had a similar experience and had pictures so i reached out in hopes that we could see those pictures and here a little bit about what you saw that day. So i'm going to let you take it from here and tell us a little bit about where you were were you were flying to and what you saw in captured out your window okay. Well i'm a pretty experienced fliers flying pretty much my life so planes are not needed me. I always love to look out the window I was actually Home i was in i. I took off on american airlines Light number sixteen eighty two on january eighth of this year from sacramento to dallas and Anyway I usually read on the flight and glance out the window. A lotta times. there's clouds he can't see but when the clouds part. I'm always looking down. I love it and This plight of course was because of covid. it was sparsely populated in the cabin. So actually pretty much. Everybody on the flight was sitting in their own seek. I was right the window seat with nobody beside be although there were two fifty seats and i kind of was looking and everybody else is kind of in the same mode you know. Kind of sitting by themselves Normally when i see something out the window and actually it's only happened to me. One other time kinda weird i'll tell you about that later but anyway If there's somebody's sitting next to me even if it's the total stranger. I kind of nudge. Them and go. Hey look about it right. There was no one. And when i saw what i saw and unfortunately captured on the camera. you know. I was like nobody to tell nobody. Show people ahead of me. You know i mean you can't just reach over and tap someone on the head go. They look that most people have window shades down. You know like half of an airplane. And i wasn't about i wasn't about to ring for the stewardess trying to figure it out. Okay so anyway. I don't i don't know when you're gonna start showing the pictures here or not but The first thing. I was reading in the first thing that got attention because i glanced up and i can see the ground. The first thing that got my attention was looked like a black contrails kind of in front of the plant pain on my side I was on the left side. Whatever you know. There's a particular name out in. Cj both lewd pictures. Yes okay and for our listeners. We're going to post all of these different social media pages in will post them in order so that people can see exactly what you saw so within three about a three minute period i captured about eight pictures and the first picture was taken at one seventeen. Pm on january eighth now honestly At that point. When i look at the gps later on. I found out it recorded us. Make powell utah which is south eastern in So anyway I had no idea where we were. At the time but I was also it was also kind of interesting to see the time stamp and i actually don't know if that meant it was like central time. I live in arkansas so flying texas. I don't know how my gps might have recorded the time. I don't know. I know that you know utah is in mountain but anyway so i don't know if my my phone was reporting a central inner time or not but So the first thing that caught my eye was black. Contrails kind of ahead of me and i'm just kind of like what's that you know. I mean i wasn't thinking anything weird particularly and the next picture then. I went back to reading. I glanced up. Because i could see the mountains and i noticed this is when i really noticed and i got on my camera. The lack miss like object. Which have this black smoky plume or contrel after it. And i mean you know i was in shock really like what the heck you know. You just always have the phone on my lap when i'm traveling or nearby and I got a picture of it and then it looks like and that's the second picture It looks like the third picture. Was i think that one was a A zoom zoomed in on it and that same snowing out and range underneath it but it seems like a little bit of a different angle that i'm pretty sure that was the saying Missile like object whatever And then just a minute later. I think i glanced down and Glanced up again and saw yet. A second i. It was a second one. Oh wow i believe back upon. I could be wrong but judging from the pictures Conner looks like this thing. We're over the same mountain range But you know it thinking that this thing was probably going faster than the plane. But i i have no idea but anyway i believe it was the second one and i got and i was doubling zuma's so i got i got a picture of it the second one because you can see the first one. The on the mountain range the snowy mountain cap and then the second missile picture by still in zumo took that and then i backed out looking took it You know without on and this is only like a minute or two from the first one. So i take. Yeah it was like right. Maybe one nineteen. I took that one And the first one. I took was at one seventeen pm then. I glanced up again. And i see these two contrails. This is like a minute later and I think what i'm doing. When i'm looking down and i'm looking at my pictures just to make sure they came out and everything and i glanced up again and i see what appears to be to contrails ones kind of wavy And and you know. I can't see a vessel or object but i see these two contril that are ahead of the plane travelling away from our plane and then finally the last picture i took to that one twenty pm. It appears to be the same to contrails but their plane. Maybe kind of traveling a little bit away from them those just angle but anyway i mean. I didn't know what to do or say you know started college stewardess. Pretty quiet. I looked around. I didn't really notice anybody looking out the window on my side. Although you know you kinda stand up over the feet if you're going to look farther forward nobody said anything you would think if somebody might have exclaimed something if they saw it so i don't know what to say that probably just it was a head scratcher. I had the pictures. And i didn't really talk to anybody about till i got home and showed hall of course and i said. Hey what's this. What do you think this is. What did you think it was our vote. Well you know. I'm a homemade scientist. So you don't want i look at the pictures if you look at the horizon and then the angle of the wing when you see the object now right after that the next shot the wings tip at the point the pilot is going starboard. So he's in a voidance mode. Vc's it too. And he's chipping the plane to go away from here a right angle lens and then if it is. Let's say ballistic we've mastered ballistic missiles back in the sixties. We don't have to test anything. And if they were testing you would not cats an object anywhere near a commercial flight to that means they had no choice but the launch whatever they launched intentionally at that time wherever it was going. It was intentional. Because you don't you don't just you to missile or whatever into the air to see if it works when there's commercial airlines around. I would have to agree with that. Look it up online. The The avoidance area is fifty miles in. That is well within the fifty mile right no sale. Did you happen to notice any sort of reactions own lawn. Nobody soon to say anything but did you notice anything from the pilot any directions or maybe bogere seatbelt or anything like that. Nothing that i noticed. And we experienced no turbulence as you can see from the pictures. The weather's great out there There was nothing Said anything. I kind of tried to look around. You know with my feet built on. And i didn't see any reaction from anybody So it was just something i just like. Okay well this happened. And i don't know what it is but maybe i'll find out later and When i got home We're very busy. And of course you know we're getting ready to open our business and and i'm getting home and i share this with oracle and a couple of local friends and They thought it was strange to especially also being military veterans and having that background like like oracle you know they kind of know a little bit more about these things and you know. My first reaction was was a missile. Not really you cross my mind did because of an we'll share that experience as to why but But my you know being trained to be always a realist. You know. i'm i'm like okay. That really does look like a missile. But why would they. Anybody fire a missile. You know so close to a passenger airline. That was close. That was really and they have to tell you you send us the the one picture i in when i saw my reaction was what in the world that year and then you said just the other pictures and then my heart kind of sake. A little back like okay. Why is that so close to a passenger airline number one number two. Why do we have your experience. And now this other experience in february from another american airlines flight with something that also sounds like a missile. I have lost some sleep to be totally honest. Because i live far from my family for my family to come and visit. They've got to hop on airplanes. But i've gotta hop on airplanes. And i was a bit terrified. Seeing your pictures of what is going on and we are not hearing about in. I think that if it were for a foreign country we would have heard about it. There would have been all kinds of investigations. Whatever it was kept hush hush for reason if seen flag it for sure I didn't hear anything more about it. You know i mean you kinda go on with your life. You know when you're traveling you get home and and you've got stuff to do and i kind of didn't think too much more about it. I think i showed my pictures to a few friends or Then my daughter on february twenty fourth. She's the one that sent me the article that she found on deep black horizon. And i'm like what the heck and what interesting to me was that it was not exactly the same location but in the area. So you know. I was over southeast utah according to my gps Like twenty two ninety two was over. northeast In mexico where where the white fans. Missile long very get yours to and birch thursday The old cold war missile launch. That hasn't been used. Apparently about forty fifty years. It's called the green river. Missile launch base near utah. And that was the only thing you know that we can think of Like i wonder if there was maybe private. Enterprise is testing. Something i mean. Now we have private enterprise. They've developed rockets. What the heck. You don't need a permit for that or do you. I don't know because being and you know. I don't know any of that stuff but it would seem reasonable to assume then you know Our government makes us do smog checks on our car you know they they get to a simple citizens that you know the people as many that are developing these space programs. These privately conducted space programs. Fight well you know i mean. Are they understand kind of permit system or you know something like that. I would assume But i'm i mean my first thought after i found out about the green river. Missile launch base near moab utah. I'm like when somebody down there missiles in that area you know and and whether or not they had a permanent or the government knew about it i mean i have no idea i would assume you know would would it be private industry testing something Or was it a ufo. You know. I don't know. But i looked up. The green river miss a launch based online and. I found out that it actually a tourist destination on tripadvisor people wandering in the desert out that way. I guess you know the prairie whatever it is you know i guess the you know it might be a tourist attraction out there that'll missile base in so if that was the case then you wouldn't think that private industry might be out there launching missiles. I don't know for sure. I'm glad you mentioned the private industry. Because i was talking to one of our consultants for the show military expert mr j and you know we have so many private industries right now testing various things and some of these things they tell us about it makes you wonder just how many of these things do. They not tell the public about a lot a lot. Exactly out and cheryl shall the american airlines flight. Twenty two ninety two that you brought up case or listeners. Don't remember when we did so twenty two ninety two just a couple of weeks ago. This happened only a few weeks ago. And is there so many parallels a pilot was actually the pol that flight was recorded calling in to the base to the tower. Hey something is coming right at us and it looks like a missile and that is frightening. It just happened to be recorded on the ground by the blog deep blue horizon otherwise we might have never known about it and buy you know this happens. This actually is a hotbed of unknown activity in this same area. We've got area fifty one. We've got areas sixty two. We've got the infamous groom lake facility. Which is a dry lake in nevada and is used for runways. The nellis arming rains test site airport. Yeah art the area. Fifty one complex at so. This is a hotbed for potential testing of mysterious things. And i can't believe it's just a lot of coincidences. That's for sure with all here in the same timeframe. And i noticed on some of these pictures you took and i don't know if you've tried this but if you zoom in really close you can't you can actually see a bright silvery or reflective object at the head of the contrel end of our did that and notice that mentioned that to absolutely is hard to see you know. It's hard to make out how big it might be. But i wanted to ask you cheryl. Did you get the idea that this thing was moving upward or downward or just parallel with the craft. What what was your impression of. Its trajectory upward You know from the pictures You know at the moment. I was snapping pictures. I don't know if and what i was thinking like. Oh my god what the heck is that. You know but It seems like based on the pictures. It seems like i actually got to missiles because you don't you can locate them You know by the mountain range. The snowcap range there and so i believe it was two different missiles or ufo's and then we've got the two contrails ahead of the plane. And i'm not sure if those are you know the same contrails or not but You know from those too. But because like i said i did detect. The plane turned a little bit. You know But very slightly of course but Anyway at the most we could be seeing at least four different or possibly live. According to that first picture. I took maybe five missile-like object orville as something about good. It'd be possibly seville yet but if you look at the facts in the rest of them. They're using hydrogen and oxygen based buell's the launch everything. And if you look at that contrel it's black. It's not white right that that is not a hydrogen based fuel so let me have a couple walk. Oh you're actually. Mr j brought up to the color of the controversial and the fuels that are used and c. j. d. Wanna tell about what mr hale are other consultants i do. I do want to but real quickly. How fast would you say that they were moving. In comparison to how quickly you were moving in the airplane. And i know that's a tough question. I don't know that i would be able to answer it. Just in general are. I'm sure they were moving faster because you know like like i looked up and saw him into the picture that i look down to check my camera and he makes sure i got the picture or whatever and then i glanced up. They were gone. You know so i believe they were moving faster and then like i said when when the plane i did feel the plane. Kind of turn Like orval suggested. And then. I saw the i caught the two black contrails in in that almost last pictures. Two pictures there and I i don't know for sure if those are the contrails from those two old titan objects that i took but i kind of assumed so i figured they zipped ahead of us how you know so gosh now know that there was more than one because this entire time i thought it was just one in that passively changed trajectory so i was kind of going down a certain path like that now that i know that there was definitely to potentially even five sort of changes. What i'm about to talk about. But i did. Send the pictures to somebody that worked in aerospace for a long time and didn't get anything other than somebody saw this out their window. What's your initial thought. It the instant reaction was it could be a hypersonic missile which can change trajectory. They are supposedly being tested in the united states. Do i think that they would test. Five of them probably not. I think they're very expensive. And then this person him. Mr alice said was whoever took. That picture was a place that they were not supposed to be. And i said no. That was an american airlines flight going from sacramento to dallas fort worth and they could not believe that it could not believe that passenger airplane would be that close to what looks like a missile. And then they asked. Where was the plane. And i said well based on the screen shots and if we're going to trust the google maps they were they were above. Lake powell utah and the reaction was. That's where they shoot off all of the people that they don't want the world to know about that was couple lost so much sleep. I'm going oh my goodness i we hypersonic missiles near passenger airplanes and Again i think these are really expensive that they would test several of them so that makes me think there was a direct target. There was a purpose if that's what they are or something else Could it have been. I mean you. You have a knowledge of airplanes and military have could have been a fast fast moving fighter jets that the contrails in at such off from if you look at the controversial okay Fighter jets going to be running against and you're not gonna have that color smoke but that thing would have detail from the concert at west to personify at the time that you took the picture okay extensively so scary and something i noticed about it that it at least in the pictures it does not appear to be so far away that if it were an aircraft traditional aircraft that were familiar with that we will not build it detected outline in some way. I really feel like looking at these pictures. You saw another plane out the window between you and those mountains you would say that's a plane out there right and as powerfully as we consume me and we just say some sort of silvery obscene or reflecting object that is it but it appears to be between the plane and the mountain range. I honestly feel like you would know if this was some sort of winged aircraft that we were looking at. It's peril now. And i've seen other planes out my plane window. You know how you know. You don't seem very often once in a while. You see one paralleling you you know in though and i think even got pictures of those I don't know about your sources. You know that you just sent the pictures to in their opinions. But i wonder if it's possible to interview that flight crew from american airline about that too. We think that they would even give up any information if they had it. I mean right at the moment but certainly worth reaching out your you'd never now Also i did a little. Yeah i know nothing about very little about missiles in the military. But i did do a little googling and found out that there's a missile defense agency which used to be under the jurisdiction of the army now is under Department of defense. And so maybe somebody there might share something but it is government so definitely a concern for civilian safety. Obviously that's the number one thing and with the secrets that are being kept from the public about. Ufo's and all that kind of stuff it just seems like there's this general disregard for the public and their knowledge and You know that storm area fifty one. It's like well. I think that was definitely a reaction to the government. You know secretiveness about some of these things and As time goes by you know the public discontent really wants more answers and after all we've gone through with covid it just seems like back and forth. We haven't really gotten true answers you know. There's so many opinions out there. Yeah and And all we wanted the answer so we know what to do. We want to do the right thing. And i'm glad you said that about kobe. Because one of the things i've been saying all through covert is. There's a lot of stuff that we're not paying attention to out there happening that we probably should be paid attention to you. Just say it on the regular news. You know what really important. It's hard to come on the news. Less your id politics pretty much. So yeah or aural said. It's almost like the news is reporting things. That are like a distraction frogs. You know the stuff that we really need to know email. Listen you're on an airplane where you said. Everybody had a road to themselves. Do we think. American airlines wants to get out that opel. Also there were five missiles that went right by our airplane like just in case. You didn't have enough reason to travel already. We're just going to tell you about this little incident that we know that is not going to get out ever right right and then you know. The the world's weapons race has moved into space and it was a little bit of a of a joke when it first started but space force has actually some scary directives. And you know what if you think about the last time. You heard anything about space force. It's been awhile. I can't remember the last news article. I saw about or the news story. I saw about space force but one of the directives of space force is to be able to launch a missile and strike anywhere on the planet in less than an hour it is not only spout n- of space forces directives. That is also the goal of several other countries right now as well china russia india to name a few. And if you think about it you know that's no joke. Space for was a little bit of a joke and it makes you wonder if that wasn't a little bit on purpose. You know no ha. We've got this new agency space force and We're going to do whatever but this is pretty serious stuff we're talking about and it makes you wonder okay. Why why do we need to build. Strike anywhere else on earth and listen to our wide. All these other countries need to build a do that. That's pretty scary. Stuff it really is. It really have and You know. I know there's security issues. I respect that you know national security. You can't dump all your secrets but you know at least give us a general idea. What's going on and what to expect. And how to protect ourself even with covid you know Where does that protect. How many arguments that we hear about that. You know incessant confusing we wanna know through so that we can do. We need to do and get out of this quickly like we all want to be done. Tell us what we need to be. I would say if you're could possibly interview that flight crew of baseball. I can't believe they wouldn't have seen it because at least you know the picture of the contrails you know ahead of the plane leaving moving away from the plane you know if they didn't see the actual pictures of the supposed missiles that i took out my window you know. Maybe they went over the plane. They didn't get it but also you know doesn't the plane have some kind of sensory devices. You know rocking dealer. Pardon me alert up. The knows all schools night comes up me. He is avoiding obstacles. Yes there's a single media's big big we'll get into more of that later to all my but anyway Yeah it's just a mystery and again you know true would like to find out if that commercial airlines was was threatened than that needs to be dealt with yet if we're if we are leaning into its a missile of some sort. I didn't track your plight in where you went. And where you flew over and what time you were in certain places and at that you would not have been that far from area. Fifty one given how quickly things travel. Yeah about two. Obviously we're all just making sort of gases about what this could be but either way anyway you look at it. It certainly feels like a threat to people that are on that plane and one thing that kept run through my mind with this case in the american airlines. Twenty two who case is why or these things being tested in the daytime. I just had to keep wondering that and our military consultant mr j. He told me that. You know what tim they. Test these things during the day because if they if they launch at night it's going to be seen by a lot of people go to see this thing moving across scar right day. It's practically invisible to everyone on the ground. What are the odds. That you have cheryl inner seat looking out the window. It just the right time to captured on film right and so there are reasons why these things are being tested in the day. Not only that. But if you look into these high hypersonic this'll theory just a little bit. We're talking about higher level physics here so everything comes into play and is a factor on these devices from the time of day. The barometric pressure the angle of the sun. And if you think about striking the target on the other side of the earth you know this is a complex all to to'real physics problem. And i think that there's just a lot at play here and so walter these things during the day. We know they have to be tested. There's no way we have all these season development and they're just being hypothetically tested right they have to be being tested in real time in real life situations somewhere another and i think the so many people like you re paying attention that we're lucky enough that we're being able to catch a glimpse of these things every once in awhile. Yeah and i'd like to mention one other thing you know. Yesterday i was doing a little research on line to prepare myself for speaking with you. Today and I found an article on zero hedge dot com and it's supersonic combat drone. It's about that. And i was reading through there. And apparently this particular thing is being developed in singapore and it's known as the aero and the actual drug Looks like a plane got wings. You know but maybe if it's going fast but that maybe you can't see those wings because it is kind of all black But i thought it was interesting. They called it the arrow and said that testing would Began in early. Twenty twenty one. Maybe they're testing it here. I don't know you know it was a very interesting article very possible without but with the controversial you could only see it for certain part but you take another picture. You don't like the whole thing disappeared but it have like a launch engine and then a flight engine. That's how the tow missile used to launch. When i was in the military you had that big black smoke of launch engine but then it cleared out bleeding and over right and that is one thing about. Apparently some of these hypersonic missiles is that they actually are not launched from the crown but they are being transported by some other type of vehicle into the atmosphere and then the missile itself is launched from that vehicle and begins to move towards the tar. Its target and they're working on these hypersonic missiles that can actually change their target so in flight. And that's why when you you showed pointed out album some of these appear to be moving in different directions. These hypersonic missiles. They're working on are able to change targets in the middle of their flight and to multiple targets. So it made me wonder when i am looking at this picture. Could it be the vehicle that is that is used to transport the missile itself into the atmosphere. And there. it's ready for the loans. Another thing about these is apparently. They're having a lot of issues with vehicles burning up crashing exploding all sorts of things right. Because you're dealing with so many laws of physics and complicated issues there from plasma bubbles to you name it and you know it just makes you wonder i don't know much. I don't really know anything about any of this. Which does why. I'd have to consult with people that do but looking at the The second to last picture of contrails changes trajectory for my untrained. And you can see where it's going. It moves a little bit to the left and then it goes straight again based on that controversial. Yeah i see what you're saying. It goes a little bit. Yeah interesting window. Nobody did the wind. They don't For sonic you're you are the wind. I'm curious to get your guys this. That's because again last night. I was just i could not sleep. My mind was just rocked thinking about all of this and all of the possibilities and i went from is this space. Debris is this a. Ufo is the submissive. What have you in in researching the hypersonic missiles. I came across something about in two thousand. Nineteen that's called a wave writer glide vehicle and i can email you this later. What have you. There's an image of the waved writer glide vehicle which it says take stained from its ability to generate lift in on its own shock waves and the shape of it. The shape of it to me looks so much like what you captured that we are seeing and it's a hybrid still says that it can. It's supposed to be able to travel more than fifteen times the speed of sound with terrifying accuracy threatening olive warfare. Yeah i mean it's so scary. I just aired last night. What is that. we don't know abou- and i'm one of those people in the airplane. That i think i don't want to know you. I applaud you for looking out. And wanting to see and wanting to know and i would say most people do have their shades drawn and looking at their phones and especially now with and masks and people aren't even making eye contact each other anymore. Everybody's just sort of in their little bubble. And i would say there's probably more people like me then like you which is why we're only capturing so few of these things that are happening in the government is probably counting on that counting that we're all buried in our phones laptops than while everything happens around right as all things unexplained consultant mr l. Pointed out to us. We would be deeply disturbed if we knew of all the technologies out there being tested and have already been perfect and we just actually may not be able to handle the truth. Wow that's probably a good point. And i think that is the government's main concern. I've heard that from years. Actually you know. They didn't want to pause a major panic. Wave if the roswell big in the forties you know I could understand that that could possibly happen. I guess but you know I just wanted to say that. Thank god for free speech. And i know we've had some arguments about that lately. Where webuye down and things and it's like you know what communication is the key. You know You were sharing back and forth. And all of us has a little bit of the puzzle knowledge. We keep sharing. Maybe we can interlinked these puzzles and at least get some more knowledge that the government or whoever else is not willing to share with us. But you know we're trying to put the pieces together. You know without threats from the top and so you know you guys do and your podcast. That's awesome is awesome and thank you for doing it. You know you're sharing very important information here with if you look back of one of these pictures year. Or what's the number on this one That's the day okay today. Anyway this the picture there were it. Looks like a launch plumed. There's two of them right over the tip of the wings. That's the second to the last picture that or caves and you know that right there it to me the key to the whole story at that. There's your point of oregon know. It really confirmed that it least two objects left the ground right. You see how the launch looms are pointing straight up pointing out then you look at the the contrails in their angular at means it did it went up and then change direction. I mean we need to get these out there for people to see and for people that have knowledge of the area in knowledge of what's going on to kind of offer up some of their insight to so do you want to reiterate for those that are listening in that might want to do their unresearched. This was flight one. Six eight to american airlines flight. One six eight two on january eighth twenty twenty one traveling from sacramento to dallas fort worth according to google maps. You're right over. Lake paolo utah in with at what time one seventeen. Pm if we're going to assume you're changing time zones. That would be mountain. Standard time in according to what i mapped out of thirty nine thousand feet so people can take that and run with let us know what there are two right and only a few weeks after sorry shero cohesion. No i would just clarify real quick. Screenshot dated on january ninth. But i took those the day after. I just shot so i could access the pictures quickly and But this did actually take place of the flight was on january eight. I wanted to point that out there. There's no confusion about what. I'm seeing the details. Do show january eighth so that you took some pictures of the details of the picture that it's showing january eight. Yeah go ahead. i'm finished thank you. Oh no problem. What one thing i wanted to say is that you know. Thanks to people like you paying attention taking phones like this. Thanks to folks like deep. Blue horizon deepak horizon. You know we account alley capture some of these situations and keep in mind. This happened just a few weeks. After the american airlines twenty two ninety two incident where the pilot was recorded believing. Hey this could be a missile hayden at the plane but these are one in a million chances here you know that these phones that someone on the ground captures the audio of pilot. It makes you wonder what all is happening that we never know about that. We don't this is like needle stack things that we're usually finding out about and it just it leads me to think that there is no tongue how much that is happening that we just never hear about because you you have to believe like with american airlines twenty two night and this store here certainly if you had not taken these pictures no one would've ever given us a second thought if that pilots audio had not been captured on the ground no one would have said anything about american airlines. Twenty two ninety two. No one would have known anything. And i don't think they ever would have. Unlisted pilot came forward in the news. And i don't think that that is likely matter of fact. The airline initially distance themselves from this said well. That's unconfirmed if that's our pilot or not and eventually thanks to the work of folks on the ground. They had to acknowledge it and had to say yes us by the way. We were all your future questions to the fbi. So right is an amount of things out there that we just don't know pu with all of that into mine sterling or was there anything else that you wanted to share speculate on amid soup for this flight and what you captured. No i just wanna thank you for the opportunity sharing Maybe one small thing I believe in god's providence leading in my life. But i just wanted to say i was originally scheduled to fly home on january twelfth and because of kovin i decided to back it up and they they fit me in on. This flight exceed eighty to on january. Eight won't do that. I like i'm not allowed on your i. I might think okay. God you allow me to take these pictures for some reason and hopefully it will be. They'll help you know to help others to help us. Situation the gain more knowledge i dunno. We all have things that have happened to us. And and i think if we share again communication is but e in my opinion we can learn from each other. You know to me this afternoon. And i am dying to give more pizza so i could see what the picture looks like. They're you gals Tilts to sweat next time on all things next where the native americans and he did a lot of communication. Where are all the people. All things unexplained absolutely.

cheryl utah green river dr mounts smitty nieves cj darren bogere sacramento dallas fort oracle mr j mr hale orval Mr alice american airlines Hague tim zuma
Paul Mankowski, S.J. - Tames in Clerical Life

Catholic Culture Audiobooks

24:43 min | 4 months ago

Paul Mankowski, S.J. - Tames in Clerical Life

"Welcome to catholic culture audiobooks production of catholic culture dot org under the patronage of saint. John henry newman. Name is james mayevsky. Today's reading teams in clerical life by pullman kelsey s j father paul mankowski a jesuit of the midwest province and former contributor to catholic culture dot. Org passed away suddenly last year at the age of sixty six. At the time we released an audiobook recording of what went wrong. Two thousand three address to the conference unity of catholic clergy in which father mankowski presents an excellent analysis of how the catholic clerical sexual abuse crisis occurred. It has since gone on to become one of our most popular audiobook episodes which isn't surprising father. Mankowski was a brilliant priest who worked tirelessly for catholic renewal and who wrote for years at catholic culture dot org under the pseudonym. Diana janis this due to impositions placed upon him by his superiors as phil lawler wrote in his tribute to father mankowski. When told that he could not right under his own name without censorship he used pseudonyms when told that he could not write under a pseudonym he stopped and so the catholic world was denied. What might have been a treasure trove of lively and inciteful pros. Thankfully what has been left behind has lost none of its power and relevance father minkowski is words in fact often read as if they were written just yesterday that was certainly the case with his address on what went wrong as it is with. Today's reading his description of what he calls the phenomenon of the tame priest this episode should be of particular interest to priests. But if you like me have looked with increasing bewilderment and frustration at the action or better put in action of members of the church's clergy especially among our bishops then tames in clerical life. Just may shed new light on the problem. You can find the full text of this address along with several other essays by following kofsky at catholic culture dot. Org you can listen to what went wrong by going to catholic culture dot org slash get audio would simply your name and email address. You'll gain access to our full audiobook archive and be able to listen. Beyond the most recent fifteen episodes you can support our ongoing work for catholic renewal by donating catholic culture dot. Org slash donate slash audio and check out our other podcasts. As well we have the fathers michelina criteria the catholic film podcast and catholic culture. Podcast as always thank you for listening. Till next time team certain clerical life written by paul mankowski s jail By james t my obscure the profound problems that beset priestly life today have been discussed for the most part by means of categories that reflect the preoccupations of our time and the way in which the problems have come to our attention because sexual scandal has figured so largely in the contemporary crisis the now conventional division of male populations to gays and straights has not surprisingly played a large part in these discussions but the reality is considerably more complex than the standard vocabulary of sexual orientation would suggest though. It seems contradictory. Even the battles over issues of sexuality among priests may have their basis in personal factors in which sexuality itself plays a relatively minor role. What is here proposed is that the contemporary priesthood exhibits. A disturbingly high number of one particular socio psychological type to be designated by the neologism tame and what follows is a first attempt to sketch a profile of the tame priest. The author is innocent of training in psychology and the data have been neither collected nor analysed systematically the simply the result of twenty years of observing the subject at close hand description is addressed to the experience of those familiar with the current condition of clerical life until the commonsense intuitions of others perhaps the most universal in distinctive characteristic of tames his their paradoxical combination of great socio ability with an incapacity for true friendship tames great mixers at parties and all social functions and they have the ability to join in almost all conversations and project friendly interest in the jargon of the nba. They are abundantly endowed with people skills yet. Their friendliness itself makes them unfit for friendship. They exist on the level of superficial companion ability and lack the depth of personality and character necessary to make and keep a friend whereas most men in their late twenties unconsciously begin to narrow the number in deepen the quality of their friendships tames preserve a kind of adolescent gregarious. Nece and live on in the world of the fraternity or freshman dorm while they tend to be cheerful on social occasions. The mask occasionally slips to show a characteristic expression of apprehension hunger and puzzlement strong friendships draw one apart from the crowd and being out of the mainstream and on the margins is something attained cannot tolerate teams prefer instead to exercise their talent in the public arena where they can flip from buddy to buddy chatting telling jokes fetching drinks and collecting from as many as possible. The external tokens of friendship. Being tame is not itself a sexual orientation it within the clerical life teams tend to behave politically socially and morally in a manner as uniform as that of gays. It is part of the syndrome that teams are not conscious of themselves as teams. There is no question of their forming a caucus as do gays yet. Because their responses to concrete crises and problems are so uniform teams comprise a block day facto and have an influence in the church disproportionate to their number in fact the defeats and frustrations visited upon straits in the clergy merrily. Do not to gaze but detains. It is usually very hard to know whether a particular tame priest is heterosexual homosexual. Mostly men will assume in default of indications to the contrary they are straight but they wear their masculinity as a businessman might wear a baseball cap at a picnic. His support for his team is not necessarily insincere. But you get the feeling that it is displayed as an emblem of goodwill. I'm an easy to get along with kind of guy. And not as a constituent part of who he is tames never seem entirely at peace with this aspect of their lives and in situations where gays and straights are clearly at odds. Live in a kind of emotional. No man's land. This is not because teams wavered between competing appetites like bisexuals but because any definitive involvement risks isolation and isolation terrifies them. One external indication of the team seminarian. A priest is the changes of dressed. He will subject himself. Sometimes he will change clothes four or five times a day depending on the activity planned and more importantly on who will be in the company tames will own the full array of clerical gear but are also outfitted as laymen for a wide range of formal and informal occasions. Teams live in the present in the now. They are extraordinarily sensitive to the people in the same room with them. They intuitively grasp the balance of power the divisions of opinion the dominant party or ethos there over adaptability in clothing his symptomatic of their over adaptability generally tames capable of astonishing changes of opinion depending on the composition of their company of the moment. It is not quite accurate to say. They are chameleons because in a sharply contrasted environment. They will not adapt themselves to the majority. If the minority clearly has greater power and prestige always into everywhere teams will go with a winner tames lack strong personal opinions and highly individual tastes in authors music films and so forth. They may buy many books and be great concert. And movie goers but such interest stems either from the nexus of socio ability provided by these activities or from the negative consideration that ignorance of the current issues or artist might isolate them from those who count. This may be disguised by the fact that in certain communities at certain times it becomes fashionable to have a bizarre hobby or cultivate an esoteric composer and attain will play along by affecting unconventional interest. Usually these are abandoned with relief as soon as possible on the other hand teams are pathetically envious of the flesh and blood solidity of the unfazed enthusiasms of others envious of the spiritual freedom to enjoy something anything purely in and for itself and without regard to what others think or say like ghosts that must feed on the blood of the living. Teams are often emotional parasites who draw their satisfactions at second hand. They may be incapable of taking a real interest in fly fishing or palestina or astronomy but they are fascinated by the single hearted devotion of those who do and like to mimic the motions of the enthusiast. Tame priests are without exception worldly their worldliness however is always a nervous worldliness and they never allow themselves to wallow in pleasures as do gays over. Simple hedonist tames dress. Better dying better drink. Better scotch take more expensive vacations and generally entertain themselves at a higher level than their fellows but their enjoyment is poisoned by constant reference to what others may think of their acquisitions and recreations. They are always on guard against equal and opposite dangers. Censure for unbecoming profligacy or unbecoming rusty city even at his favorite restaurant at tame is seldom ease. Not knowing who may walk through the door and see him is the wine too common or too extravagant his dress to clerical or to fill a giveaway characteristic of tame is panic tames live in terror of being caught out of being discovered on the wrong side of an argument backing the wrong horse. Having committed to deeply to reverse course with grace as a consequence team will often register a momentary flash of panic when something occurs to me come on shore of his surroundings for example the entrance of an unknown party into a conversation in which he has prematurely taken a stand or the friendly approach of a pariah to public function. Tames city failure unpopularity as contagious and will oil their way out of contact with either as soon as possible in their dealings with equals teams often. Make them feel used not because they deliberately and cynically set out to manipulate but because they are virtually incapable of exchanging a human or supernatural. Good with another teams. Have a morbid lack of curiosity about the first principles of things metaphysics. The grounding of moral arbiter wants dogma. This does not come from any lack of brain power but as simply reflects of their concern for the here and now the functional pragmatic political is supreme attained may hold an office. That obliges him to defend some moral or dogmatic principle as inviolable and he may do it competently but always with an eye to the occasion. Even defensive principle for tame is itself not principled but since the means to realize some practical good in general teams have a distaste for confrontation and avoid situations where they are forced into conflict in most controversial situations. Teams hedge their bets by showing mild support for both sides as long as possible. Only declaring allegiance when it is clearly to their advantage to do so tames are capable of professing directly contrary opinions within a matter of hours and frequently shock others by their posses because the adapt so spontaneously into the environment there sometimes unconscious of inconsistency and puzzled when it is brought to their attention. Teams are rarely capable of loyalty in the strict sense but only the kind of loyalty salesman show to their products or lawyers to their clients of the moment. They are company. Men spirited defenders of the institution in which they wished to advance teams tend to be dutiful in the same way that they are loyal. They are responsible citizens in the places where they live and work. They are team players and willing to work long hours. They are eager not to give others cause for complaint and they tend to make themselves if not indispensable important worker bees in the machinery of the chancery or seminary or office of religious education. In addition to the energy that comes with ambition teams. Have the sort of managerial affability. That attracts favourable notice in any bureaucracy. They are relatively unlikely to leave the priesthood. Thus if teams make up only thirty percent of a seminary entrance they may well compose seventy percent of those still working as priests ten years after ordination. The religious convictions of teams are tailored to conform to those of the environment especially to the most influential forces in the environment teams are liberal liberal dioceses and conservative and conservative ones but are willing to sing the same song as whatever group they find themselves part of whether it be a carload of fellow priests on the way to a beach house or a dozen older women at a communion breakfast neither as liberals nor as conservatives do they display any depth of concern for the spiritual life their personal bibles and brees rarely showed the telltale damage of daily use neither do teams themselves react to the crises in the life of the church if their principal import were spiritual yet. Their religiosity also contains unpredictable sentimental attachments to the worship of their youth. A man of conventional secular outlook may on occasion display sugary marian devotion or passionately objected to the rewording of favorite him from the past parallel to the envy teams have for genuine friendship. Is this attitude of lovelorn regret for their own childhood when perhaps affections were still pristine and not warped by the need to have a concrete practical advantage even when their theology is up to date deftly articulated teams give the impression that they stopped listening spiritually at about the age of nine or ten. They seem stunned and unaware of the lack in the contemporary church team. Serve the agenda of gays in the long run even though they sometimes find themselves forced to take contrary stance teams are extremely susceptible to emotional blackmail of all kinds and gays are adept at putting a thumb on the emotional windpipe of week men in order to manipulate them. Of course this takes many forms one of the simplest playing on the team. Voidance of conflict is to engender a stormy atmosphere in a room in which the gay agenda is under discussion with the threat of outrage in vengeance. If the correct conclusion is not reached tames will often sell the pass to avoid the risk of having to fight for it before a wider public. Gays have also pulled the teams into their service by the gambit of discussing chastity and sexuality in terms of of maturity. This is how it works. I one wins the admission that affective maturity is the principal gauge authentic celibacy once. This is conceded. It is stipulated that the condition scenic one non of affective maturity is comfort with one's own sexuality mature men are comfortable being themselves and this in turn has seemed to preclude disgust or moral censure directed at sexuality other than one's own a caucasian at peace with his racial dignity does not derogate blacks by the same token a street at peace with himself does not look scans at gays. Whoever objects to the presence or influence of priestly life is ipso facto convicted of affective immaturity. And his opinion thereby disqualified teams are without exception pushed into emotional checkmate by this maneuver and invariably side with gays and showdowns intuitively and correctly realizing that his tactic will prevail at any ecclesiastical institution that surfaces the issue in these terms by this ploy and variations on the theme. Gay priests have been able to leverage their clout three or four times out of proportion to their numbers. The paradoxical truth is that teams are more effective agents of the gay agenda than gays themselves on one hand. They are more presentable advocates on effeminate. Good at reassurance. Good at string-pulling on the other. They are motivated by terror of the either or and of being thrust the margins of the institution a terror stronger even than the hopes and anxieties of gays the tame commitment to the noncommittal is the engine powers. Gay progress in the church. It will be clear. That teams tend to be ambitious generally and careerist specifically to an extent unhealthy in any institution and particularly in the church. Yet they are not purely cynical climbers of the type met more frequently in business or politics. They are not cynical because they lack the psychological detachment necessary for cynicism the ability to put a distance between themselves and their own tactics. They enter into the role demanded by the moment so deeply that they really believe. They are witnesses for renewal at nine o'clock and really believe they are guardians of orthodoxy at eleven when a tame succeeds in reaching a position of authority as bishop rector provincial superior. The increase in the amount of stress combined with the decrease in places to hide causes highly erratic behavior and reveals his radical emotional instability. Once in power teams are ravenous for personal loyalty. It might be said that their demand for personal fealty is in proportion to their own incapacity for adherence to principle that the oiler they were to superiors the more peremptory. They are in their dealings with underlings their uses of authority and failures to use. The thority seem equally arbitrary and the management style. Typical of teams includes like periods of seeming paralysis broken by sudden quixotic. So t's concern for appearance. Distaste for conflict and fondness for the advantageous lie are the main factors contributing to this tame style of management to styles actual leaned depending on whether they are dealing in private public sphere in one on one situations for example teams in positions of authority will rarely deny the validity of a complaint of corruption launched by a subordinate more often. They will admit the reality and seriousness of the problem raised. And then pretend to take the appellant into their confidence assuring him that those in charge are fully aware of the crisis and that steps are being taken quietly behind the scenes to remedy it thus the burden of discretion is shifted onto the subordinate in the name of concern for the good of the institution and personal loyalty to the administrator. He must not go public with his evidence of malfeasance lest he disrupt the process invariably hidden from view by which it is being put right. This ruse has been called the secret. Santa maneuver there are no presence underneath the tree for you. But that's because daddy is down in the basement making us something special. It's supposed to be a surprise. So don't breathe word or you'll spoil everything. And of course. Christmas never comes. Perhaps most of the well intentioned efforts for reform of the past quarter century have been tabled indefinitely by high ranking teams using this ploy to buy their way out of tough situations for which they are temperamentally unsuited. The public arena brings forth from teams. Another side of their personality tames lack the resources of character to remain indifferent to hostile news media. Moreover the techniques of evasion equivocation refined earlier in their lives are largely useless bishops when the media and general public reflexively attributed to them as their own the positions of the catholic church a few teams are able to charm the media into a kind of truce good ink exchange for a blind eye toward heterodox. Several others can be seen to engage in a disastrous cycle of appeasement and recrimination. They sue for the favor of the press by taking pains to portray themselves as moderates and by lashing out more aggressive conservatives causing dismay to many of the churches friends and giving delight to her enemies then an occasion arises when they are forced to defend some unpopular teaching and the press turns against them with glee then comes the bishops predictable sputter of indignation their predictable semi retraction and statement of regret and the long long process of buying their way back into the state of editorial grace by undercutting less. Diffident catholics from this provisional attempt at description it will be clear that the distinguishing characters of teams for the most part destructive to what the church needs to accomplish through her clergy the. Us church may be especially instructive in this regard. Seventeen years into the pontiff of a conservative pope concerned to appoint dutiful and orthodox bishops the problems of clerical homosexuality and pedophilia doctrinal dissent of the professor at the turnbuckle abuses acceptance of contraception etc. Have improved in no respect and worsened in many. It is reasonable to assume that there is not a single cause for the strange paralysis but it is worth asking whether the prevalence of the team priest does not go far to explain the combination of outward managerial competence and personal moral cowardice. That has exam into these problems so often so professionally and never lived on the obvious steps toward their solution. This has been teams in clerical life. Written by coleman hausky s j narrated by james t might have skied production. Two thousand twenty one by twenty eight occasions podcast is brought to you by catholic culture dot org and made possible by this new support to donate. Please visit catholic culture dot org slash donate slash audio that catholic culture dot org slash new slash audio.

mankowski paul mankowski james mayevsky pullman kelsey conference unity of catholic c Mankowski Diana janis phil lawler minkowski michelina Nece John henry newman Tames city office of religious education midwest nba james baseball