2 Episode results for "Tyne Legs"

302: Tango of a Telltale Heart by Sumiko Saulson

NIGHTLIGHT: A Horror Fiction Podcast

33:36 min | 1 year ago

302: Tango of a Telltale Heart by Sumiko Saulson

"Hi I'm Tanya, ransom, creator and executive producer of night light, a horror podcast, featuring creepy tales, written and performed by black creatives from all over the world. This week story features than amazingly creative take on hell, hounds and ancestry to create a captivating tale that you won't soon forget the story originally published in black. Magic women. Terrifying Tales by scary sisters. Our last episode feature detail from the same anthology, so you should definitely check it out. Before. We get to the story. Just a reminder that all episodes are brought to you by the night light legion. We have a ton of new supporters to thank this week. Deanna Gauge L. Anna. Scare you to sleep ELISA, Kate. Se Megan Aena. caitlyn Brandy Shannon Michael The ghost story guys Mike Dante. H Erica J, Bro, seven, which is a great name by the way, Keith Diamond, Janik Reza Meg to fear a escape. Artists Anni GP. Samson Melissa Dante S Shawna Camille Prince Roz Audra Natalie an walt and a very special. Thank you to Lia who pledged support at demon status for fifty dollars a month. I am blown away by all the support that we received in the last couple of weeks. You all have my terminal gratitude again night. Light is one hundred percent listener supported, so we need your help to keep bringing you new episodes just go to Patriot dot com slash nightlife pod to join the night, Light Legion and get a out on the podcast. Now sit back, turn out the lights and enjoy tango of a tale. By Sumiko salsigne narrated by Cherie Stewart. The son, dipping down below the horizon, sent shocks of Scarlet Tangerine and Crimson over the surface of stow lake. One leg of my woolen tights had been shredded. Blood oozed out of the Gash. My calf and spread over the ham of my cotton Arak African print dress a Florida blood spread over my knee I winced his I dragged my injured leg behind me. Blood. It runs through our veins, telling a story more nuanced than any report or record ancestry dot com can provide. Inheritance, one relay in our oral histories doesn't include all of those skeletons hiding in Dank corners of the musty closet. We call our family tree mine. Almost every African American descended from a slave as also the progeny of a slave owner. My family's no exception. My blood strongly scented of iron, and fear might attract the leash dogs that belong to the stove late killer. If I didn't focus five girls disappeared before me three of them in the past month. The News said he was escalating. Only, one girl escaped so far. I hope the second one would be me. My breath grew labored from panic and walking. Afraid I'd wear myself out. I found shelter against the Mossy trunk of a low slung widespread tree. A leather strap held a drum in place over my shoulder I lifted it over my neck and set it down for a pillow. My Drum is part of my family inheritance. The drumhead is made of untreated rawhide bound with thongs to the Red Brown Hardwood Body. As a child, my tiny calloused hands learn to pound out rhythm on. My grandfather left it to me when he died. I could barely hear the soft stir of Kate's over my pounding heart. In the distance I heard the barking his dogs. The steady whistle of the breeze against the branches and the thrashing of his feet in the underbrush. All of these sounds created intersecting rhythm. What? Can I say about rhythm? Back in high school I went to a presentation by the MIRONOVA. Christian youth group Mair Napa was an Aramaic word that appeared in the New Testament. Exactly once meaning our Lord has come or some such thing, I am no idea why they chose that particular name, but we used to call them the Mary Nazis because they claim that African drumbeats in rock and roll music made it the devil's music. Allegedly, these beats were used for the worship of ancient gods. The entire religion section was in cahoots with the. The Anti Christ four four rhythm was based on the human heartbeat, but these African rhythms focused on the downbeat, which was contrary to nature I rolled my eyes at the discourse upon the unnatural rhythms of my black body, they decided there was some impurity in my blood, a summoning from deep within my body, that called me to the drubbing beat on the dance floor. But how could it be a natural? When Africa was our mother? Every race found its genetic heritage Africa that was science fact, not fantasy. There's was the fantasy. There was something evil in the very genetic makeup of me. If. There was anything evil in me I. Assure you it didn't come from. Africa, it came from the blood of the oppressors. The Plantation Lords ran through me. How did any African American ever come to terms with the blood, the rapist wide slave, owning sperm donors that ran through our veins along with that of our African mothers. Anything that came from me was part of white. Christendom not alien to at all. Come out of the bushes whore. Killer. Still out there, searching for me I'll find you. Hot Dog can smell the stinkier six. Cowered below the tree, applying wet leaves to my leg to mask, the scent of blood, when I was done I began to softly scratch the head of my drum, the sound echoed off the walls of the base, making comforting sounds in my ears to mask his evil voice. He hadn't gotten to me yet, and if I had anything to do with it, he wouldn't. Come protect me ancestors from every side I whispered caressing the drum with my fingers. Come protect me ancestral spirits from far and wide. The stole lake killer. No, what I knew, the drone was possessed of dark magic magic that wasn't African in the least and the kind of mysticism one would be well warned away from indeed, the ancestral spirit warned me against using the spells carved into the wooden kettle drum by Lacey. Evans, an angry young slave girl Dalwin Evans Lacy's plantation. Lord, Father was unaware of the lessons. Lacey had learned at the hands of her half sister Brin. Perhaps at the man hadn't been able to all of his daughters, slave and free alike, the young Welsh witch wouldn't have taught these Arcane runes to her black half sister than the taint wouldn't have come upon the drum, and the temptation wouldn't be upon me the temptation to invoke which should never be called upon, but extreme times called for extreme measures stow lake killer was a predator. So was the spirit that lived in my drum. How did the drum grow empower? It depends on who you ask. Those who vilify you sometimes at the power to focus their wicked minds on everyday objects, how many generations had taken to curse the drum the drum in question was a small Jimmy a type of kettle drum from West. Africa rumour has it that it arrived with my ancestor when they dragged him here and chains from Mali two hundred years ago, my grandfather didn't think the curse comes from our African blood. He said it came from the Welsh plantation owners who danced in and out of our bloodline. They Force One of my mother's to lie with them. He said it came from the jealous wives who beat senselessly slave girls, who were sometimes their cousins or half sisters. The curse was born of blood, beginning, blood and Kin, betraying kin it was from fathers, flaying the flesh from the bags of daughters and sons who were born into slavery. That's why the drum hated. Hated men like the still lake killer in particular. He prayed on girls like me. Nubile young college girls who hung around the drum circle, smoking marijuana with the good folks who made music bear girls like us gathered around the drum circle at golden gate park on the weekends. Hippie hill had a co Ed multicultural vibe and was a definite. All ages sort of gathering. Some of the girls around the circle are homeless. Not me I attend the University of California San Francisco where I learned pound out the rhythm of the flesh in my dorm room two years ago, a free spirit with a dust cloud of tightly curled dark hair, running wild and UN greased and untamed most days. Today. I were Afro puffs with a jewel encrusted, Turquoise Butterfly clip off to one side I wore flowing gowns of African. Kim Tae cloth or Jamaican colors, proudly testing to my heritage, but my loose-fitting dresses were knee length, and I wore them over tights in knit stockings with ox blood doc martens. I lifted the trump and carefully placed it between my shoes. One leather clad foot cradled either side of it. There was always a price for invoking the spirit that lived within I felt I had no choice. My desperate situation fortified my resolve without hesitation, I pounded on the rough skin. My voice rose over the beep. Soft Moan crying out to my ancestors. I heard a bang in the distance. The man's dog cried out in kind. Slowly my head began to turn neck ringing of its own accord. He sat beside me. Darkest pitch not enclosed in, but composed of shadow. My hands move in time with an earthly. Counter to the rhythm of my heart. Sound rose and pulsing intensity as the shadow be solidified. The drumbeat rose to a crescendo beneath furious hands. The Dark Hound began to. Read is. The grey mist of the dusk he was KUNA noon while Xiao nd of the hunt Christians called them. Hell Hounds, I believe that their superstitions were what cast the hounds of the junta's villainous. What did they know? It seemed the Maranatha and their ilk feel a certain of my Welsh bloods, demonic taint as they were of the African. Perhaps this is why I'm Christian. Poems of my hands began to ache, but I continued pressing forward with the kinetic sound of the dance. A grey hooded figure appeared in the midst of the Hound. She stepped forward and lowered her hood so I could see her face. It was my friend miracle. She'd been dead for two weeks now. She winked closing one of her glinting Ruby is. Then she grinned her teeth long and sharp as the Times of an iron fork. You are the one who will be found. I bellowed at the man. KUNA noon will find you. Or perhaps you will find me, but it won't help you. I pounded into the Gym Bay until his brothers appeared more hounds hunt. With each new dog appeared a woman one of those cut short in her life by the still late killer. The dogs were escorts of the dead, but tonight they appeared as vengeful spirits when I look down at the drum. My hands were bleeding I winced when I looked at it. Blood for the instrument, my blood, and the blood of many of my ancestors soaked into the rawhide head. Once all of the women had arrived. He appeared. And as luck. Pale Beige long and thin as a greyhound or whippet. He was an African hunting dog. The as Always appeared last. He sat directly across from me fixing me with a sad stare. How can you be Trae your ancestors us? He seemed to say. The as a walk was dismayed by my decision to use the white man's magic against him. But I was Welsh. and the dog said ran with. hearn would protect me. It was like my grandfather told me when I was a girl. Back in eighteen fourteen delwen Evans had no idea that the blood that ran through his illegitimate daughters, veins carried magic when he set out to rape her, as he had raped her slave mothers, sally and her sister Brin. Lacey called upon the old spirits to protect her and avenge her mother's death at her father's abusive hands. She called them with this drum. The. Same Drum I played on Hippie Hill. My name isn't lacy. It's Mathilde. On nights like this, it seems to matter more. You want scare and nobody with your drum girl. The man yelled running towards me. I heard him crashed through the underbrush branches, snapped under his feet drawn closer. My eyes began to roll into the back of my head. Mouth in those began to take over. They call her Mathilde of the night. She controls the beasts known as coon. May The hounds of Hell? What is it like to be possessed? You ask her Pale blue fingers sliding under my brown skin, keeping time with the omnipresent drumbeat. She was here to drive the dead women to a noon the other world. It was madness to play with very folk. My father would have said. He was a minister true to the Christian world, but a poor such things. There was always a price to pay. But what were a few wandering souls, who is to say that a noon is worse than whatever afterlife they were added to. My father would have said I was damning them I saw it differently I was giving them the opportunity for vengeance. My great grandfather shook his head once more. He sat beside his familiar the walk. You are deceived child. He cautioned. It isn't just a Christian that uphold the wickedness you do. Let those girls spirits go free. Don't bow to this bid possessing you. Were than the men would murder them right now. That, now, old men! are rebuked him relaxing my body to allow the invading spirit to take me over completely, only Mathilde of the night could help them. Matilda's Sarah Evans was useless. Sacrifices has to be made I gave myself over to the spirit life fingers went cold as muffins took over completely I felt as if i, were someone else tormenting the drum with bleeding fingers and stress fractured nails a high. Do not fear you. How Muffins giving myself over fully to the possessing entity. You will fear me. I screeched tizard, cheering the dogs on in their mission, annihilation would come for the man I next the apparitions avenged, and in the end possibly me. But what was any of that to me at this point? I was beyond caring. My father and grandfather alike warned me that playing with the spirit put me at risk one day she would take me over entirely, and consuming my flesh, and leave nothing, but a dried husk. My spirit would be bound to her forever. You are the one who's scared. The stow late killer screamed pulling up in front of the bushes. He yanked a tree branch to one side and slapped me hard. Knock me away from my drum. My Eyes were white irises folded back under my lids I than deeper in my head where they go in transit. I could see him through other means. I grinned my skull fleshing. Pale blue through my dark skin. The edges of my lips were covered in wild frothing foam like a rabid dog with a horse. Whisper. I come in to see them. See. WHAT THE HELL! The killer yelped finally able to view the hounds and the lost women. You killed me. Mary accused pointing one finger at him. Her tongue, lol, to one side of torn mouth needle, sharp teeth completed her sardonic smile. She stroked the drooling Hell Hound, who healed at her side? Janet. Another of the dead followed suit. Murderer. She his. Lifting and accusing digit. Each of the other women in turn accused him afterwards, Mary gave a swift swat to the haunt of the dog beside her. Each of the other women did the same. The hounds of Hell went sailing at the rapist, ravening T- tearing into his cavs as he fled. You belong to the fair now Malinowski tackled causing me to rise and lumber forth towards my friend. The drum fell down into the moist grasp below the AISA walk ran over to its side and Carl around the Bay whimpering for the back of my head I could see his dejected is observing in shame as I opened. My Mouth Mary stepped back. What are you doing Mathilde? The hones do my bidding modern screamed. Matilda has not to do with their power yet. She struck a deal for you. Then Jen's as sweet as it not. I don't need revenge Mary whispered. Slipping backward with her ghostly feet, until the tree behind her interceded, she turned to one side ready to sprint, but it was too late. My dislocated jaw stretched out like a snake's sharp thorny teeth arrested from my aching gums. My strain mouth distended further until it covered the face of my deceased friend Mary. A swallowed her head whole. The other woman frozen trembled in fear as they waited to be devoured behind me. The as a walk began his transformation Molina's pause between bits of spectral flesh to eyes him suspiciously as for me, I could not speak. The African Dog transmuted until I saw the image of a man who greatly resembled my grandfather behind me as with every previous time I must await his verdict. I told you not to do this girl. The ancestral spirit chided. You owe a debt every time your debt is growing great. You Nag shied like an old maiden aunt I said I know you mean well, but you have no idea how bad things have gotten around here not as bad as they will get. If you temple with that old Welsh magic. He said shaking his head. Every African spit attached to that drum couldn't cleanse the curse that Lacey Evans carved into the side of it with her daddy's blood and had dirty little knife. All we do is hold the wickedness in check. But how can you ancestral spirits protect? You will for one when all you do is fight us. In the distance I heard the stove late killer scream as a hell hound snapped into his thigh I could see everything now at once what Muffin or saw what the Ottawa saw, and what the Kuna noon saw I grin in spite of myself, the hounds tore into the buttocks of the fallen rapist. I could taste his blood on my tongue, wore his flesh in the mouths of the hungry dogs teeth tore into muscle shredding tendons with ease. The lead dog dug into the meat of his I with hungry jaws. The mall of Janet's dog was covered in Gore. The piteous cries of the dying man brought no sympathy or thought of remorse and the dogs or myself. I did what was right i. told the ancient one I sought justice for these women. You condemn this house. He rebutted. I have rescued you from your fate every time thus far, but this is growing too easy for you, Mathilde. You don't know where their souls go. I argue they may be safer with the fairy folk into wherever you might relegate them. You see it for yourself. Then he spoke with gray finality. You are not the only one who can use the drunk I and his hands began to pound the drum sound rose, rolling waves of thunder, passing under my skin, mingling with my blood sound altering the pace of my beating heart. Over his shoulder, a shadowy cloaked figure appeared. This was a man I'd never seen before, but I knew him instantly. He was at on King never noon. It's time to go until he said calmly. Your ancestors can save you now. Eat was inevitable. I yeah the a told. The wise and African elder had his side. Her grandfather shouldn't have let at touched that drum I was about to refute him when a ghost appeared my side, tattered and bloodied by his recent encounter with the hell hounds. It was the stolley killer. A chill came over me. Could what I have done possibly have been so bad that I must accompany this man to the afterlife. Waved his hands and the sky before him began to crumble coon sweat dry against my naked arms, a frozen grin stuck on shock, worn face dimensions collapsed upon each other, and in a moment mal, thin separated from me, her mouth stretched over the stove late killer and she engulfed. Tim is a snake would've feed at I stood a mobile waiting to be devoured. A moment, please. A new voice spoke from behind the hawk. She was a young black woman, and a wide brimmed russet Bonnet, a cream colored apron over her simple Brown, frock, a recognized her from an ancient CNN photograph. My grandfather used to carry. Lay See, hissed! Don't you think it's a bit delayed our for your sudden arrival? Don't you mean our rival? Lacy countered gesturing towards the blank space beside her. I looked down. Suddenly twin footprints were visible in the damp grass, a ghostly apparition formed in the fog, as she slowly solidified, began to notice a striking resemblance between the flaxen-haired peaches and cream complexion, young woman standing beside her in a light green cotton. Victorian schoolteachers dress. Bryn aren moaned holding his head as though he were suddenly throbbing with a migraine headache. Haven't you caused enough? Trouble Brin looked at her. Her sister, and shook her head, neither of them spoke word to him instead they ran behind me, grabbed me each pinning one of my arms to her side, while they walloped me across back with incredible strength I'm a phrase. You've eaten something that doesn't agree with you. Lacy snarled, hitting the over, and over again between my shoulder blades until I began to cough, Brin joined her smashing the flat of her palm into either of my side until I began. Began to vomit. The sisters beat my body. Until it crumbled to the ground, it was difficult to breath. The taste of cold swampy water tore my throat, a puddle of Moist, Acta Plaza and feted lake water piled on the ground in front of me slowly the last of the girls Jen appeared in a damn pile at my feet, her hair dark, and slimy was clotted with of vomit and congealing fat. They all poured out one by one until at. At last my friend Mary emerged as a baby through the birth canal, my distended jaw and torn throat, creating a birth passage, my torn stomach, a womb, my ancestor stood there with each of the newly rebirth women between them raw and covered in spectral substance, the way a newborn is covered in amniotic fluid, angry lacy, snatched the drum for my hands and tossed it to add they aren't yours leave. She screamed. Take your wicked spells with you Damon. Take Your cursive drum and be Gone Brin joined in hissing at the God. How can you re Puke? A God? I held clutching my torn fingers over my aching belly, as I fell into the putrid pile fluid at my feet. Marion Janet stood over me casting down accusatory glances, silly girl, lacy, mumble sending out a low whistle. She called as a walk to her side I've sent my ancestor Emma familiar to guide you, but it's been a waste of time. You never listen. I warned her the Zoa complained. Lacey stroked him between the ears. Tell your God to take his curse off my drum. The elder ordered Brin, his voice, soft and calm. You know you put a day. Not your sister. Brinda Bright Blue Eyes widened. I did it to help her. She protested it. Is New Hill? The old man replied. You can't have the drum I made aren. You can't have this way with child. You can't robot into your hunt. Take your foul curse of my beautiful. Drum Aaron his head. You can't on Heck's. What his hexed best do. Teach your children not to play with cursed objects next time only food. He screamed his raw voice soon joined by the screech and shatter of moth genus, and the howling of the angry KUNA noon, then go, Lacey ordered laid this blaze at an looked at the drum briefly then dropped on the floor where he stood, let a one soul the none he said come along muffins, turning around, he crossed over the Vale into a noon. The hounds of hell following at his, he'll muffins beside him with the tortured soul at the stole late killer imprisoned in her gullet. I didn't expect Adam to show up himself this time I panted excitement from where I lay in a pool of filth on the ground. You're lucky. You're not in a new now, Brench I'd it fool? The elder hissed looking away. I subdued the stole lake killer. I defended because of me. He won't take another life yet. You vilify me hypocrites. You're not a hero. Janet spat just some asshole on a power trip. He wakes me Mary screamed hysterically. If fucking bitch, you ask me you eight me. She ran around in a circle, agitated and temporarily unaware of her death Lacey Evans rolled her eyes. Don't bother talking to her. She won't listen to said. Grab the drum. Won't you Bryn? I lay on the ground immobile as Lacey and Bryn. Evans sat on the ground, carving at an only knew what on the drum it was freezing outside, and the do settling upon my frozen shoulders vomit dampened clothing. I was sure it was catching a cold here you go. Lacy mumbled, throwing the drum down at my feet. You take that and you go now. It won't perform any magic tricks for you anymore. Don't call me I won't call you. Mary said following Bryn in the ancient one into the darkness Janet saved her breath and flipped me. The burdens to hustles I can't blame them for thinking the worst of me. Lacy and the as awoke sat and stared at me back facing the others as they walked away. An hour had passed since Brennan the other, said faded away into the mist. But Lacey and the as walk remained staring. Once I was a stubborn as you are now, lacey finally spoke. She waved her hand over me, releasing me from the suspended animation that held me for so long hit bought me nothing but pain. I hope one day you'll do better. Does your ancestor now. I asked her carefully sitting up that I aspirin. Brentwood chant the drum lacy whispered that I'm as much to blame for the taint on this dramas, my white sister. He doesn't know because he doesn't want to know. He doesn't WANNA. Know what we've become like them. I agreed. With become like them. If you knew that much, you should take your lesson heart. Don't show up. You're wasting my time again. Lacy screamed, and she stomped off into the fog and disappeared behind her sister. She seemed as much a child as I did the ancient wise woman with her wise words repeated so many times they became empty. The stolen killers body was found the day after within days. The police matched his fingerprints with those found on the corpses of Mary Wharton and Janet Goldman. They found him in the database, a petty thug with a history of domestic violence and a rape accusation name Robert Jones of all innocuous in nondescript things. The paper said he was killed by an unidentified victim. They begged her to come to the police. Turn herself in you and I both know I never did the talked for years about how his own dogs tore apart his body. The dogs were never found. They say they probably wandered off into the park somewhere. They might be dangerous. The girl killed him. She might be dangerous. I might be dangerous, but I've never killed another man. It's been twenty years since that day in the park. I can't say if I've become wiser older certainly I spit out platitudes with the best of them live by the sword die by the sword. Violence begets violence. I said in the trump circle and pound on an instrument that has been bound specifically to prevent me from doing any magic with it from time to time. I reflect upon the writing and think about the night my ancestors showed up to save my immortal soul. Over the past twenty years, many men like Robert Jones have emerged. Every time one of them does I wonder. What might do if I still have the drum? Then Janet Goldman's final words come to me once more. You're not a hero. You're just some asshole on a power trip. I've decided by now that she was probably right. The. Thanks again to our patrons for supporting this podcast. Of Your support around the world, get creepy stories in their ears every other week. If you want new episodes every week, the only way for that to happen is to join the night light. Legion by going to Patriotdepot dot com slash light pod and supporting this podcast. You can also make a donation via pay pal at paypal dot me slash nightlife podcast if you're unable to support US financially. Financially word of mouth is the next best way to help. Give us a shot online on twitter or instagram at night, light pod, or like us on facebook at night. Light pod reviews are also a huge help, so be sure to leave a few kind words on your podcast platform of choice, especially since some racist want to leave us one-star reviews because who cares about black writing right? Audio production for this episode by me, Tanya ransom you can find me online at Miss Defying and to thank you for listening until the very end. We a creepy fact for you. In two thousand thirteen archaeologists dug up the bones of a giant dog buried under less than two feet of soil in Lifespan Abbey. Suffolk they believe the dog weighed about two hundred pounds and was seven feet tall on tyne legs. England has more hell hound lower than any other country in the world and the bones of this dog dating back to medieval. Times could very well have sparked. Stories? I don't know about you. But if I saw a dog that big I might be inclined to believe, it was supernatural, maybe had even appeared to herald my death as most hell, hounds are believed to do. We'll be back in two weeks with another episode.

Lacey Evans Dalwin Evans Lacy Mary Wharton Marion Janet Brin Mathilde Sarah Evans stow lake Kate Africa Tanya ransom Florida Matilda Africa Kuna Red Brown Hardwood Body Jen Anni GP Deanna Gauge rape
MBMBaM 432: Hand Dog and Face Cat

My Brother, My Brother And Me

54:57 min | 2 years ago

MBMBaM 432: Hand Dog and Face Cat

"The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists, he's a sex part. But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out, there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up you called? The not. Was the first in line Wolfman came up next. Jack, Gila wasn't doing his stuff breathing. Jump back mate checks. Here comes a Hunchback better. Good out of his way, faith, five fo- fo- from it was a monster holiday. Hey, folks, while part three of our Halloween twenty eighteen. Salo break Shen the prices. How elevate Jessica night skull brace. That's all well, see, I said sale abrasion because we slashed prices on all the late model Fords that we've got cluttering up our showroom floor. We gotta make room for the twenty twenties. People the twenty twenties or coming in. We gotta hard paddle ax. We got Ford presses. We got Ford Lincoln's guy all the Fords. The new Ford Prius it runs on eight. Yeah. That one's coming in. That one's coming in at thirty six large. You can walk out of the showroom in it for thirty four dollars. And then that one's yours. Your drive that puppy home today. Bad credit, no credit, reverse credit? Oh shit. We owe. You money are damn solo. It's scary. He's come in. And let us settle our debts with you. Please. Please please we owe you so guilty that time when you saved our life we owe you this car, please come on him. We just refilled the soda machine. And now we got hot dogs. Please come out we froze Griffin and a block of ice. Out. They didn't add a p whole no it's just filling up. You gotta say your fucking name in the name of the show. I am in hell is just Iraq, Iran. I'm the oldest. Baru there. Okay. Zac. An I in the middle is brew come up with your own thing. Well, you didn't really come up with Europe. I'm your youngest brother and thirty big skeletons Griffin. Mcelroy Kurdi big skeletons sit on each other shoulders driving late model Honda. That's gotta get out of this show room. We are out of room between all this goes in these late model Hondas and Fords and Ford Honda's, we need to come take some of them because they're in the bathroom, and we haven't been able use mapping for weeks. Folks view don't come by these cars, these thirty tiny skilled and sit on each other's shoulders, dressing trenchcoat are gonna come take them all and I I hate it. Right there around. We don't know how to dry, but we'll gone in sixty seconds, your ass and your family's ass. Yes. Please. Please. Come and listen will give you the money directly. No need to go through a blood Bank. All right. Okay. Well, thirty second radio spot, and this is also an advice show for the margin era. We're talking we're pumpkin full of gas before you take. That's really good. Do you think people are confused because when they're listening to this is November if yeah so you do want to vote tomorrow. But we we figure a lot of people a lot of famous people that you trust are telling you to do that. And you should obviously do that. And future is probably telling you to do that as well. But past us, it's the thirty first we're just trying to fucking kick it for like a second. If you could just let us kick it fun. Talk about Christmas for weeks have weeks and weeks. Sure before not after that traff to be fair. Not after you. You don't normally hear people amid Janury like damn love Jesus and his birthday his miracles feel like there is a window between the twenty fifth and the first where you can still have some remnant Christmas the week between. Yes, of course zone. Yes. We are. We have as many late bottle Fords and Hondas as we need accepting, no trade ins, Notre, she one Mazda on the life. You find the Mazdas yours free. Please. If you find a red sports car with a giant girl that looks like a mouth that is a teenager that. We're waiting to cool off who will transform back plea by turbo team. We're getting so late in the year to make our turbo teen reference. Twenty eight thank not there. When the turbo teen transforms back. We always focus on the one into the car. If there's a if there's someone driving teen when he transforms back does the turbo teen just absorb them or digest Griffey being or is it just like he's is standing in human form. But he has like two sets of every appendage. Fahd Bebo Brock situation as he transformed back at the end. You're this left with your finger in his mouth. Yes. So then it's just like awkward, but it's fine. But if his fingers spicy if he just some hot Cheetos here, I go again back in and driving. That's actually to get into boy car keys, if you're taking a long road trip with your friend. Turbo teen you just have to keep sticking your spicy finger in this mouth. Every twenty minutes are there times in term of teen regains consciousness and he's naked on a highway with oncoming traffic coming out him because he didn't get spicy foods. Yes. Yeah. If if turbo teen car gets in a crash and transforms back into human. What's he look like because he all messed up gal junked up if he like has a bladder infection and it burns when he pees does he turn into a turbo car? I don't remember any of this show. But I do wonder what kinda mysteries adventures they were having since like a bunch of teens and their one friend who's a car sometimes. Are equally as threatening as a bunch of teens one of whom is rich enough to own a car. That's basically their superpower is to get a car for a second. The only superpower, I can imagine. Turbo teen having like one of the bag is lifts him up. And while he is above the bad guys head he eats pepper to buffalo tender squish. Crushes cool. Do you? This is this is going to freak you guys out. There were exactly and only thirteen episodes Dermot teen ever made. Really, we talk more about term team than the it would take you to watch the entirety entire duration of the programme sip timber hundred before December first before, and that's it folks. Bog, that's all you gotta terminating which will be let me read the math thirty five years old damn me. Now, hold on you say eighty four. So I have I was only about a year old Griffin was still two years away from being boring. How do I know about this show? Just from you telling me about it when you were four, Justin. I guess I guess I was just wild about and telling them this baby that lived in my house about the car that can transform into a person I reboot, and it's about a grandpa that whenever he sour food turns into a helicopter low. That's good. What? Please call Tyler. It's it's called chop chop. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, boy, that's very good sky grandpa. The sky grandpa sounds like when you've retranslated back from the Japanese side over overseas. It will be known as sky grandpa here chop. What if we did a crossover event, we set the reboot in the world of Pixar cars, and this will be like whenever made her eat some cold food. He turns into a man I would love to see that. I would love to see what just a human looks like in that world. Should we do advice because it's been almost ten minutes? Now, I'm starting to get a little ENC that it's going to be one of those episodes, my boss, and I were working on a project on my computer. And she asked me to Mark link probably for murder dot com or ghosts dot org or something spooky I'm trying to that pizza onto pizza. Hey, oh, hold on real quick. Sorry, stopped podcast. Gotta get this. Sorry, take Griffin. Hey griffin. Can you sell the podcast? Yeah. Oposite everybody stopped your podcasts, please. And that is. Okay, folks, thirty eight dollars. I don't mind if I do haunted pizza is young got it. We got it, folks. Everybody relax haunted dot pizzas. Your home for the latest and greatest in podcast thing. Okay. So I got haunted pizza. Let's move on. Do that. So fucking fast that was not edited that Justin really did that that fast. Open when we record. Do you have like the cursor over the box and inter in? I'm just always logged into our. I'm always logged into our main hosts, and I all right, then I know that don't interface the back of my hand at this point. Yeah. At this point, I would say. Has that domain host? Do they call you now? Like, hey, are you okay? Now, they're like, you're gonna be rich someday. When teen Google pays off Okano, my boss. What point did the banks? Stop calling you for fraud alerts. Right around the time that I sold them press, Jason dot com to redirect to fifth third. Anyway. Okay. So boss working on project, computer. But Mark like when I did the computer gave me the option to put the bookmark at one of the bookmark folders that I have said up the first vote on my list is labeled meets my boss, all the name of the folder and said meets IMI ATS and then chuckled. I didn't think anything of it. The photo was full links about different game meat vendors that I had been researching workers as president after a few minutes. I realize boss likely felt the my meets folder was a cheekily named folder where I keep all my porn links by then enough time pass, I couldn't backtrack. Explain the name of the photo that look trying to cover up having a fuller of port lakes, so brothers. What's the best way to casually conveyed, my boss that I don't have a folder of boredom? I work computer without making it seem like. Methinks? He doth protest too much situation. That's not a dirty word in Brooklyn. Right. I mean, you you you can't fix this. You cannot fix this. Because you could say like, no, no, no come back here. And look in my game meats folder, you're going to love it. I have so many Vinson's, and they're just going to think that you fucking changed it since they were last there. It is it because that is a really wild. It's sort of like, I usually I don't take on this tack with the with our our listeners. But I think you're lying. I do think. Porn pornography in there. And then now you're like protesting too much that you like had to Email the entire like universe, by way of our show about it. I. Man. This is us. This is some the other you can learn from you shouldn't over think things you should just sort of say. Whatever the obvious thing is sometimes. Yeah. Over think, it sometimes if somebody questions something you shouldn't get too loss in the pros and Qasr the wise and wherefores and what just say going to buy meat for Chris's down and do say that. Specifically don't say it's really a shopping for Christmas presents for us. I can't tell you about it. Because that does seem non legit. Yeah. Hey, why are you bookmark in a bunch of meat for present? Is this? I've never worked this hard for president my entire life shipbuilder looking at you can't keep track of him in your head. Yeah. That's wild. I don't believe. Yeah. It's not true. It's a fall too. I kinda was thinking about I was trying to give you the for the doubt with with just I don't believe you kind of. I don't actually believe what you're saying. I think that the boss caught you. Here's a here's. Okay. If backup for a second. I'm sorry that I got I got suspicious have you? Thank you support over the years. I soon that you're going to maximum fun dot org for a touchdown eight and give him out of the show. And I appreciate that. Thank you. I'll believe if you do that. That's the. Yeah. That's an easy ones slammed on. I don't know that your boss necessarily thinks it's important thing because that would be wild to have a folder on your computer called meats, and that's for porn. That's like very close. That's barely. That's a semi clo-. That's not even actually cloaking. Everybody's porn. Links are in the same directory, and it's labeled productivity and finance. All right sheets for business since definitely. Simply media. That's why it's not an accurate. It's not an inaccurate sort of filing mechanism. The only reason you would label the folder meets is if you're trying to be sneaky. But also, you know, how forgivable you are like you also make your password password one two three and you're like, well, I wanna hide my porn links. But I don't wanna lose them. Yeah. I don't think there's anything you can do except all my gosh. If you get your boss and meet for Christmas. Give them the gift you say, do you sound wild? But do you remember when you saw a directory called meets on my computer? This is a sumo. You haven't been summarily fired. Remember when you saw the directory that was what this was four. I couldn't tell you back then. But because then it seems like commitment does it seem like your back peddling. It seems like you are committed to surprising everybody with some great meet and they're going to say. This is Hillshire farm sliced roast beef that you got from Kroger's. It was pornography just own it own it, it's fine. If it was and I offer a very drastic solution to this even more commitment. You're going to have to go into work tomorrow quit and announce that you're leaving to become a butcher. I've been dreaming of this for months, and it's time that you finally committed to your lifelong passion butchering perfect that should work to either one. We've given a lot of good stuff to go on. How about you who I'd love that? Thank you so much. I got a good one here. And it's from Alex p it's from Yahoo answers user, a cash and we've never really done like this. I thought it'd be a fun. So a conversation starter on this lighten loose third Halloween episode of the year, a cash cash asks would you rather have a cat with a human face or a dog with human hands? Instead of paws a cat with a cat with a human face, still meows. Sure, we assume. Let's let's Gillette in finish. Because that Travis just brought up something that's gonna really change the dynamic akara human face or dog with human hands instead of paws, correct and fee or four hands. Yeah. That's that was. Yeah. Yeah. Just says hands instead of paws. So I was assuming too but could in four no, it has to be just to I can almost wrap my mind around that. But there's something about it having four hands. Yeah. That's really because I could see the dog than maybe walking on Tyne legs and having hands allow like the funny dog from family guy. But like love him. I love the way drinks, but the idea of four human hands plodding along on the ground to many states more than I have it's more than I have in there for he would pose a threat to me and my family's safety. I mean, he's. Going to with two hands forehands. We're all done, right. Yes. This is so tough because it's like the face cat is gonna be no good, especially if it talks human language. That's no good. That is Sobat. I'll be like peeing, right? And like the cat will be in the bathroom because that is where her food bowl is. And like she'll look at me. And it's fine because she's a cat. But now imagine that was a human face. Yeah. That's rough. It is rough. It's gonna look and the thing is the law of Doppler Ganga's says that it will look exactly like somebody on earth. Yeah. I don't know who it could be anybody. What if it looks like you, Jacqueline, whatever it looks like my brother, just what if it looks like just in dresses wolverine, it's impossible to say, I wanna give counterpoint like this isn't actually a very good question. I think at this point. Yes. The problem. I have with Dogwood has is this you've created this crime, right? This crime against the natural order that shirt a live in a lot. I mean, a lot of spiritual and sort of existential pain, and what you've done is. In addition to making it monster more Mosser than canine. You've also all the equipment needs to use a gun. And that I ate that. I hate I hate the that it can now use use tools, and including tools, one of those tools being gun that can use to take on you for willing into exist. And I hate that part. Face cat. You have not made more lethal by create. There's no choice. It is face cat. You must whose face cat hand hand dog. Wilco you handle it will kill you for making it face cat. We'll try to kill you. But we'll have. No like enhanced Thallady, not only that like face cats gonna suck to be around. And you gotta be around it because you can't throw it out because as human face, right? But dog hands Hans dog if it doesn't kill you is still going to get up to no good. He has a dog's brain. So maybe won't think to kill you. Maybe he still loves you because he's got a dog brain. But he also has a dog brainy has a dog hunger. So he's going to go into the kitchen, and, you know, eat all of the udall the lunch meats, and you can't tell them. No. That's like that's like telling a lunch. A roommate. Like, nope. No. You can't eat the lunch me, but they have human hand. So they're going to do what the fuck they wanna do. But that's a Suming then hand is capable of utilizing the hand. Because right now is that like my dog with her pauses walking up trying and getting frustrated because it doesn't work. I can't shake shake. They could sit on their hind legs and use the hand shoot a gun. No question. No question. But you've just made that that seal the deal right there. The idea of doing like shake with a dog and human handle sailors, hand, just extended. No, no, no. No. No. No. No, no. I can't. I can't have a cat with a human face though. I don't want that. You is humanize. Okay. Kennett talk. Yes. Out. I was so. I have less of a problem with that. It can't. It sounds exactly like Lorenzo music. Yes. I love that. Now. I'm back in does it eat cat food. I'm back down to get. I don't wanna see that. If the cat can talk then at the very least, I can a polish highs like vent like I get that. But if he asked human face that meows, I'm always going to be looking at it thinking, do you understand like, do, you know, do you know, what's happening right now? Like, are you watching me? Do you hate me? What's happening? And I don't want to see what the human face looks like when the cat makes Brown in the litterbox to have to confer house or catches a mouse. And oh, no trav-. Yeah. Or licks itself? But. Put sunglasses on it. And. Come on. But you could put mittens on the dog. The only reason I'm going face cat face cat sucks unilaterally. But it won't try and kill me. Like hand ogg. I'm done. It's face cat for life. Okay. I. I can't you Griffin. Yeah. Okay. You the dog won't want to kill you. Probably. The cat will have the face of Rush Limbaugh. Definitely. And it'll just be waiting for you in the dark all imagine graffman. Imagine that you wake up at three o'clock in the morning because you need to get some a motive, and you walk into the hall and who's that way? It's the face of joepat Leona, he's trotting towards you sashaying back and forth from your cats body, and what have it can talk. But it can just say, hey, and human voice over and over don't try to take from this. It's hawks talks human. I can have a conversation with that. I work from home. I'm lonely now I want face cat now. It's not I don't want. Now. It's want face cat, very badly. Science. Make me a face cat. You wanna cat just like other cats screams? Why am I at the top of little have you done this creator you'll scream that for a bit? But then. He into it. Then fun therapy. Is it like a full human head of just the faith that it looks like a cat like like Mariana? Tim new key seat right for sure. Yeah. That's pretty good. Now handle can this guy play guitar. I don't think the hands would be. Maybe you could Lali is is maybe the best. I know come see trying to frame this like which one do I want very badly more now, which one is the least bad. And if you look at it that way, I'm I'm kind of torn what's his words per minute. Can edit a podcast and the added a podcast. Yes. Kinda use squarespace. Probably. It's very user friendly. Now. Hold on though, when he cranks it does uses Huma hands to I'm back face cat. Welcome back Griffin see Griffin. If what if his voice wasn't that like, beautiful baritone? He's still not gonna jerk with Huma hands. I'm I'm good. I'm good face cat can't face cap for life. I'm gonna have to I think I've gone hand dog hands on plus mittens. I'm okay with it. See that's cruel though. That's cruel because you've you've not only transform into a complete monster. You have sort of taken away. The only like agency that you have given him at in this monstrous form, that's the most fucked up option. Travis. Okay. The mittens won't be an all the time thing. Well, the when it's cold, right? Just like a human sure. God I feel like I feel like I felt so strong conviction both ways at the point. And I and I feel I mean, I'm glad neither. But I'm sad. Both. You know what I mean? Like, it seems like if the world is going to make one of them it should have to make both of them. They should be friends or in the same house or whatever where we at. I mean, let's let's take him. I could love handle. Now. Let's take a vote. I wanted to go. I already I already love face cat Griffin. Face cat. Travis I've handled tiebreaker and the other one dies. So. Yeah. The problem is already have two faces that are very dependent on me and my journey, and I don't know that I need a third face. No matter what it's tach to truly. I don't need a third face that sort of dependent on me and sort of needing my guidance. Expertise and wisdom and coddling. And and what have you? I think it's very beautiful doesn't that you're counting your children's faces. But not your own, well, nor my wives because they're not dependence. I'm saying to babies that live in my face faces pretty dependent on your. Yeah. You do need to feed your own face, my pal. Yeah. But I'm saying that these faces these two it's like a third. I get what you're saying. You hate my you hate my fucking precious baby. What you're saying? Just go ahead and say, I'm Han say I'm an introvert kind of. And I'm like trading away, those precious moments of solitude guy fun getting strangled by doggy too. Strangled by arms. Yeah. It's fine. The power arms. I don't even think that it could been the middle way. Like, I don't think you're gonna flex the hand to know. He could totally. Yeah. Just inject poison and your neck while you're asleep. Or there's a lot of different ways. Fun. Do the podcast by myself because YouTube and killed by your dumb dogs that you wanted to get instead of my face cat who looks Joey pants you? Stinkers cat, Joe pants. Face cat could could talk anyone into murdering you though. Like, if it's a cat with a mouth and that mouth like pet is mightier than the sword. Kind of thing. Like that could lead a rebellion. It could create sort of a crying. Around of Lutely. I'm surprises anybody, but we're going to have to take a break this point and. Go to the the proverbial money. Tell you about ZipRecruiter. Got hire people for stuff look around. You. You have all the cubicle set up. You bought the coffee. You have all the spreadsheets ready to be filled in. But what did you forget to hire people? And you know, it's not smart the way hiring used to be or like jobsites overwhelming with tons of the wrong resume. I'd say what is smart go into Burkard or dot com slash my brother. Ziprecruiter's powerful matching technology finds the right people for you. And actively invites them to apply you're not just waiting waiting. They say, hey, your perfect get in here. So it's no wonder ZipRecruiter is rated number one by employers in the US and this rating comes from hiring sites on trust pilot with over a thousand reviews and right now, our listeners can try Zip Recruiter for free at ZipRecruiter dot com slash my brother. That's ZipRecruiter dot com slash my brother would the face on the cat age in relation to the cats body. The cat. Never dies nor does the dog. Okay. Because that just thinking about it getting old wrinkly, very very fast just kind of bummed me out. But if it's a turtle then that's better. Can I tell you all about casper, though? Yes. They are fantastic. They have the mattresses. They have the mattresses that you need there. The mattresses that you want the managers that you crave. Delicious scrumptious. The mattress you deserve table. They are so good. They are supported by casper this week. They're asleep brand that continues to revolutionize line of products. Creighton exceptionally comfortable sleep experience one night at a time. They got a forcible prices because they cut out the middleman and sell directly to you. We I think all have casper mattresses at this point. And my guess when they stay at our house get rave reviews when a while they give them, but they also get them before they laid on the bed. I say, listen, here's how good dispense can be Charles. You look at them. And you say let me tell you how great you are. You're doing great. But Charles M from demoain says this cat, this mattress is dub on five stars. So look forward to it there mattresses combine multiple supportive memory foam for quality sleep surface with the right amounts of both sink and bounce in be sure of their your purchase with Casper's one hundred nights risk-free sleep on it trial, and you can get fifty dollars towards select mattresses by visiting casper dot com slash brother, and using the promo code brother at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. How about a nother message here from Jenny and it's for peer, and it goes a little something like this happy, meet averse repeat in this one. I'm going to be real clear and say in a ET versity, Peter you're so wonderful and every moment with us pure magic. Thank you for introducing me. Bam. Bam saw bones at wonderful. I'm super excited for next loss. Adventure and cuddles in the coming years. I cannot wait to marry you. I love you to the moon and back, and that is so sweet and was supposed to be read eight months ago, but it's still so sweet is the thing about it is you know, what else is like SABA is good wonderful. It's good. But have you tried Schmidt? That message comes to us from Travis. Yeah. Pay me in just one hundred dollars right now. I will in kisses no VIN. Mommy. One hundred fucking dollars right now. You creep. You know, I'm under the other one too because that's how I don't do. It's for Dylan, and it's from your cat special. Boy. Oh, no. No. No. No. Yeah. No. I love you. Sorry. I don't understand soft pause and break, the no slapping role constantly also Saudi coming out the front door all the time the hallway just so wait and Turris ING, but dull so scary. So please continue to rescue me. Oh, no. No. No. That's great. How did the cat? Get the money to can face. Can't get a job in like customer service. Yeah. Yeah. I'm all about that. Love this crazy cat. But then a ten hand dog ca- totally be typist or annual labor Shen for sure. This is what I'm saying. Not enough. People are interested in manual labor jobs like Ganic and Plummer Trish in hand dog could fill in it is it is starting to raise the question of which one could move out, which is usually. Which one could become a Thomas and not my problem. I feel like face cat is going to be able to get a social security number much easier than handle would right hand tall could drive. Now. Here's what here's what it's going to be in the eyes of the law. And this is it this is a dog with human hands. This is a human with a cat body. Oh, oh, you're right. Oh shit. It's true. He has a passport now because he's a human with a cat body. We can't just go. But I'm not gonna give passport to fucking dog note this far no further. I'm Riley smell. I'm Sydney McElroy. And I'm Taylor smell together. We host the podcast called still buffering where we answer questions like why should I not fall asleep? I if party, how do I be fleet is it okay to break up with someone using emojis? And sometimes we talk about no, we don't know find out the answers to these important questions and many more on still buffering a sisters guide to teens through the ages. I am a teenager. And I was too. Spots. I husband and I live in a small haunted apartment building with just six units. Mostly architectured by other couples and also some ghosts. We've lived here for seven years and become friendly with some of the other tenants occasionally having meals or cocktails at each other's places. Here's my dilemma when at another tenants place, and I have to use the bathroom shut us the one there or leave and use my own mere steps away. Oh. Of course, I want the sweet sweet security of my in Portland haven. But is that weird or even insulting so far? I just held it. And waited I got home this radiator, usually when we, socialize attendance. It's just us the other couples like a party situation where I could just slip out and back notice helping there's no place like home in San Francisco this one this is so easy. Can we just move onto the net? Because if you can give a you can give a nearby guests. You're but you can't if it's a pupil. You have to go home and do it there. We agree Griff. Yeah. Because we've we've dealt with that with our hotel rules, if you're like hanging out in a friend's hotel room, and yours is you know, twenty feet away. You can give them your p p. But you can't give them your pooh-pooh. That's it next question problem. Huge to explain what you're saying is the accepted law, and I from your tone that is it seems to be settled law from what what you're saying. Then we are creating a culture where if you say excuse me, I have to go to my apartment for ten proximity. Five ten minutes, you are than announcing your intent to have a bowel movement, which is not necessarily like part of the culture is not like announcing I'm gonna go shit like we just not done. Well, another part of the culture is not dropping a big one inside of this this dome. Sil- when yours is so very close. And they're definitely going to notice. How long you've been? Enwezor, and they're also going to notice the bad, smells that you did make with all of your process not necessarily arguing that I'm arguing that. If you have the standard where I p p your poop. Pooh-pooh mind, you are so people can always track if you've left to go poo poo, which is not great. No, we need a social understanding we need something. Like a like how pirates had like the black spot where you dislike slide a card onto the table. And everyone knows what that card means. But in using that card, everyone is also agreeing like if this was me, we would pretend like this wasn't happening. And let me also say if I know that the two of you left my house or room, so that you could go and pooh-pooh somewhere else when you come back. I will have a Harry and David cheese basket waiting for you. I don't know what you think this is an embarrassing as much as it is being knowing that you've done me great service. I cannot Hari times every single one of us on this have been on tour with the other ones and they've been in their room. They say, well, I'm gonna wreck your bathroom real quick. In my room. It happens constantly. Yeah. But now, we must put away childish things. Rewards so bad to do because here's a day, especially when you're doing your favorite because you wreck their leave three minutes later. Like, you're basically saying this is yours. Now. You know what? I mean, like, no, no, no, no. And if they don't notice right away and pin it on you. They're gonna pin it on somebody who uses the bathroom at some point. It's the so bad at home. Can I do who ESP's? Here's a good one sent him by lots of people from young into username Jack who asks do planes do planes move faster slow. When I look at a Skype plane, look slow. I run faster than I see plane move like what how plane look like move. So slowly. Well, it's okay. So they won't teach this in school because they're afraid, but basically the plane hovers in the air, and then the earth turns underneath it. Okay. And then the plane lands back down. Yeah. They're part of that's probably right. Traff. So like, I would say the plane moves probably about as fast as question asker is running but then add to that rotation of the earth. And that's why the playing gets to Phoenix slightly faster than if you ran to Phoenix. Okay. Yeah. So if I could jump up super high like a Mario brother, I could be in Phoenix right now. Wouldn't like it would be like that movie. Jumper quite literally. Yes. That's why skipping his faster. Yeah. Here's the problem. Yeah. Sky is big. Oh, damn and playing fast, but sky is big and not like ground ground is small and. You can walk around pretty much anywhere you want to but sky is so big that it take plane longtime cross so that is the kind of issue is that sky so big but less to move around less to move around Travis right ground building mountain Trie. The problem is I go in house and sky go away. Can't be can't be that big Canet. Yeah. Fickle, baby sky sneaky, also sky. Remember, hold your holder, your thumb up and look at plane plane, very small so fucking small, and I don't know how they do like this shrinking machine inside of it or win 'cause I've been on so many planes, and I have never felt the shrinking machine go off. But I know they're using it. Maybe that's why you're not allowed to stand up when the planes like going up because it's shrinking very quickly, and your bones aren't good, and you might fall over Griffin dollared. The earth is getting bigger that's ridiculous because it would have to get bigger for every flight. That's going on now. Travis now, come on. You're getting silly. We were getting no Travis out there. All just hi. I'm a big earthier. I'm sorry. That's a real. That's a real hand-dug way of thinking about this situation. Earth. Get bigger. The glass and says face cat. Do you think there's been our weirdest of like twenty eighteen? Spooky when for sure. So I have a co worker who took my cookie it was a wrapped cookie like you'd pick up at a gas station. So it definitely was obvious that it wasn't for sharing. It was minister treat for me between doing work. Another co worker told me he saw saw him take a big bite out of it and set it down like it was his when confronted about the cookie he said, all my bad. You can punch me if you like. Offer competitive brothers. What do I do? I just wanted to sweet chocolate chip treat that's from lost much in Midland that is fucked. That's because what it is said is like I can't make it up to you. I don't have another cookie. But we're square because I offered you the chance to do violence to me. Yeah. I'll shoot. Well. Beat my ass. I guess. Hey, no. It's not my king. I don't know why you know, just I your cookie, and you beat my ass. It's just a regular thing. I don't understand. Yeah. It's this is this how do the costs doing business? I knew when I took the by that cookie. I was running the risk of getting my Ashby. And that's why I justified it and thought it was an okay thing to do to unwrap a rap could you fucking murder? Definitely though the calculation that this person did right? Like if I buy this cookie. They're probably gonna wanna punch me, but I will have gotten a bite of the cookie use shouldn't work at this place anymore. That's obvious. Right. We were all agreed on this. You have to get a new job. You can't work with the person. Like this no way. No how where this is step. Maybe two maybe three of like a ten step path in which they end up probably killing you now. Can you punch them so hard they go through the glass of the vending machine. And then you can reach in and get all the fucking famous Amos that you won't. Victimless crime a victimless. Well. There's two victims actually as far as I can tell it's a double victim crime. The person you punch to name ass- and Amos aimlessly. That's why he calls himself famously aimlessly. What would they have done? If you had just fucked laid them out. They might have what if you had punched him so hard that he died. What if you punch to his appendix and it first Dany died. Oh, happy Halloween. Okay. But then you had to go to court yet. And the judge was like so what happened and you're like well long story short. He did it by my cookie. So I killed. Yeah. The jury would find you guilty. But then the corner would run in last minute and be like hold up. We just finished cutting his tummy open. There is a by the cookie in there and in judges. Okay, and says if I took a by someone's they're allowed to punch me as hard as they can. Did you do it though? That's what I need to know. Is if you did it because he didn't safe you did it or not because if not what you need to do you need to wait you need to hold that that one day punch him. And he's like what the hell you're like. That's the cookie. Yeah. And he he didn't specify where to punch him you punch on the crown of his head. And he wouldn't like that. I do wait till he's eating a cookie this late later on chess hand knocked at any to our mouth. I can handle it shatters on the ground. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. That's fucking good punches. But so hard is wallet comes out and you get cookie buying money from them. There's a lot of options actually depends on how accurate punches are. Can you punch? A wall out of a dude's but pocket this week. I'll Mythbusters who brought it back for this one special, and it's a macro brother special. Cana- cat have a face. Where should you poop Lou where should you make where should you make poo poo? We tried doing our friends here. Myth confirmed. I got a hundred watch because I know that's what that sound episode. And I thought this is perfect to help us bridge the gap between season. So I was very excited to find it got haunted dog Gloria active paranormal winter slash Christmas spirit dolls. Ooh, I am sharing my special winter and Christmas spirit dog collection. Meet Gloria she was twenty two years old which she passed away. She had high in Bishen to accomplish a lot for the. For the holidays at a high Bishnu accomplish a lot of different things. She was an activist and often would protesting issues that she felt just I'm not sure how she died, but she is strong willed independent spirit. She will speak up what she sees someone lying or someone else badly or unfairly by slamming door, turn your lights off your tension. I heard her you'll know before when she didn't like she will talk to you spirit board, and then in your dreams, she is a loving compassionate spirit who really cares about what happens to others. And we'll watch over you and your family with protection and care. And we'll stick up for you. When it needed. Do. You know, how bad yourself confidence has the free to be like dilemma doll. Hear you talking about way because she's got back. Yeah. The doll it self is sixteen inches high and has Brown curly hair and blue eyes she's wearing a beautiful dark blue velvet dress with white fuzzy trim and has imagined hat. She has bloomers socks at black boots. She also holding a silver gift Gloria will make a wonderful Christmas gift for you. Or someone you love. I don't know what is wilder the idea that you would say merry Christmas. It's a dull with the dead activists inside or that you would say merry Christmas me surprise. I got you a haunted doll for yourself. Maybe you need someone who's gonna give you that little boost of confidence every day. Yeah. There's going to be like, the here's you like look in the mirror on you're like, I don't want. I'm such a loser then year door slam. And you're like, hey, thank you go. You're right here the door the Dell. No, you are is that what it sounds like. Can you imagine being anywhere? Your house at anytime of day with any number of people there with any like level of security that you feel in your heart of hearts and just hearing yelled out loud. No, no, that's bad. That's bad. That's what did it Griffin. Then. I would know. I would no I would expect it. I went into it. Yeah. I mean, how is this doll boost myself confidence is teddy Robin where it's got a cassette tape a Wilson Phillips this hold on. Because I could be four that I could be all about that. I just there is never going to be another doll. Justin, you've jumped the fucking shark. You cannot shock me anymore with this segment after the very sexual very sensual spirit. You can't do it. Yeah. I'm gonna I'm gonna have to go back to the woodshed and chop up some of these dolls gloom back together. And see if we can find something a little spookier than sexual doll. The thing is this doll. I just didn't know that dulls had seasons and trends because if you look at this doll, it's the dress is blue, and it looks kind of like that frosted kind of snow like trim. It's got like silver Holly on it. And it's definitely a yuletide. Hana doll a question for you. If you had this haunted doll that was very christmassy. Would you feel okay about packing it up? Yeah. Out of the year. How would you feel about that? If this thing's yelling, no in my house. I believe it will find itself packed up twelve. No. But that's worse. I actually I'm more, okay? With the dole randomly like from shelf somewhere. Yelling. No. Instead of for the. Niro now. Yes. We're talking about the maybe the most effective form of elf on the shelf imaginable because it's not just like, oh, don't steal a cookie because it's a sin, I guess and Eltel Jesus and you won't get any presence or heavenly reward at the end of your life. You do also have this doll as maybe backup for this elf who literally will chide the child just chide them so good in so loud. And so scary. Boy. It's kinda sad this one. Oh, no. She's got a sad at all. You know? Oh. All right about myself out this because somebody is going to buy the cells hot alpha Christmas. Oh, yeah. I shouldn't have thought about that. Well, maybe it's could be like a Christmas shoe situation. And it's like if mama meets Jesus tonight and needs it goes to guide her of the spy way into the crystal heavens. If mama meets Jesus tonight. I wanna have adult for her spirit to leave into. I'm channel. Goes into the special Christmas. All do they sell husks on EBay, or is that just can I go. If I go into any like American girls store is it just husk city baby hus- cuss away. This population is expanding daily. We are soon going to have to designations dolls and not haunted. Doll's? Those would be two different things are because he'll be such a rarity to find with. It doesn't have a goes inside of it. Yeah. It's like trying to find an apartment, you know, what? I mean, you're going to have to find a real when you die. You're like I'd really like to can't find an empty doll anywhere GS. This is how this is how Polly pocket and all that shit came about this just sort of a fishy to you get a big box full pipe pockets fit like sixty thousand people in that one. That Matt Damon movie. Awesome. He gets shrunk down. And it gets put in a hell box full of just a bunch of writhing flesh. It's real it's funny. That is funny. I shook the met I believe it was called. Meet Matt because he products giant, David. Hey, folks, that's gonna do it for us for this episode of our podcast where brother my brother may. We hope you've had a deliciously spooky time with us here. We would remind you though that you should please go vote. Please go vote for gun people. Please go vote. Please go vote. We got a mailing list. That is gonna get rolling here. The first one may have already gone out possibly is that possible may have. But you want to sign up for it. Go to bit dot L Y for slash McElroy mail in a I l it's not appear amid scheme and a lot of people. Have been buzzing about that. I don't know who keep saying that it's not it's not a pyramid scheme to regular mailing list. I say if you are anywhere near the Cincinnati area. I've got one of my underground society show's coming up November sixteenth, you can get tickets for that bit dot L Y slash cuss. November twenty eighteen got a lot of fun guests, and you can come out and hang out with a bunch of cool people and you'll find out who the guests are once you get there and join the society or whatnot. I wanna think John Roger in the long winters theme song. It's a departure off the putting the days to bed contesting signed fantastic album good band. Great band. Great, dude. Good time oldies also wanna think max fun for having us on the network. Go to maximum fun dot org. Just start clicking on shit, and you will find so many good shows, and you're gonna love listening to them. We have other stuff at macro dot com. Anything else, boys? Oh, yeah. Yeah. We've got exciting. New stuff at macro merch dot com, including I believe some candle nights stuff, you should go. Check out. And also, we've got our show's coming up in Denver awesome. So please send your questions in for that with Denver and Austin in the subject line and the adventures graphic novel book to is available for preorder now at via adventures comic dot com. How to Finally I who? Yes. Please sending by Adrian cows. Thank you Adrian. It's anonymous Yahoo answers user who I'm gonna call Julian who asks if I can catch a scorpion. Does it become my pet? My name is Justin macaroni Travis. Matt roy. I'm Griffin Nikoloi been my brother my brother, make your dad's where on the lips. Maximum fund org, comedy and culture artists own listener supported. We made mistakes in book club, right? Drink a little too much. You don't actually read the book, and if you're under the bubble in Fairhaven, you're individual will get subsumed by the collective, hey, maybe I just let him go and whip us up some walk require, look, we require only nutrients and expansion you become book club. You will eat pray love with us. Join club. 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