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E197 Don't Look There
I'm Ryan idol host a fifteen minutes to freedom. Your daily action guide to getting shit done. Today's episode entitled don't look there. So sit back, relax. Enjoy the content. It's days. Absolute I want to share with you why? The odds of you looking towards one area of your life to create change is probably the exact wrong place to actually impact change. So over and over again, I give this incredible opportunity to speak with people. Men. Women young old all walks of life. I can't necessarily people pleaser like used to be. But I'm someone that enjoys conversation bare minimum I have nine hours a day of phone calls Skype. Video chats podcast interviews sitting in the studio recording podcasts. It's it's almost endless. And in that, I get all this incredible information from so many impactful people. And what that does it brings up this underlying current. This is more prevalent in the men that I speak to than the women. But nonetheless, it it exists in both genders. You see many of the people that I speak to our entrepreneurs there's someone that own their own business. There's some of their in the process of starting their own business or someone that aspires to have their own business. And every once a while this also could apply to people that work in a business uninteresting or work for someone else. And in that these people complain about my boss does this that the other or I just can't figure out this other stuff or only the market would shift than these things would happen. And we are talking in depth business right Amon at the bane of most people's existence when it comes to a business whether get instant or entrepreneur is the acquisition and accumulation of leads which eventually turned into sales which turned into money. Would you lump all those together that ends up being marketing, really? So people have questions about marketing. How do I get my message in front of the right people at the right time to get them to make a decision. And so we have the conversation. We started on this rabbit hole. Here's all the stuffy most people by the time. I get ten minutes into what they could be doing. I can just see their eyes gloss over. I can hear them lose their breath. Mcmahon. I wanna do this off. Of course, not like, I'm not telling you. You don't already know there isn't some magic tip or trick to this. Sure, there's some things that make your marketing more efficient, and there some ways to touch motion Hartridge that people. There's all types of methodologies of mindsets will make your marketing campaign successful. Don't get me wrong. I'm not downplaying what it is to do. This affect of -ly. But in that almost one hundred percent of the time. I bring up other parts of their life. So let's say I'm speaking to a hypothetical marketing director for a large company. And we market market market were twenty five thirty minutes in the competitions. Hey, I gotta ask you question. Remove yourself marketing were second. How do you feel right now? What what do you mean? I so we'll take take a moment to be mindful. How you feel how do you feel in your body? You'll energy right now, you feel tents. How your shoulders? How's your digestion been? How do you feel look in the mirror the morning? And it pushes people back for a second. Why are you asking this? Because you asked me to to talk to you about what you're doing. Let's talk about what you're doing answer. The fucking question. And yes, there are plenty of times in my interviews or conversations where I end up being so direct that I cut somebody. That's just the way this works for me. And so in this more than three quarters of the time the person, I'm speaking to this imaginary marketing director says I'm out I'm not going to the gym, really. I really like the way that I look. I don't have much energy like half day if I'm hundred red bull or slamming coffee. I don't really get anywhere. And my diet. Boy, don't get me started on my diet. I'm lucky if I squeeze in lunch, and then dinners pizza wings, burgers, whatever I can find on the way home. Okay. Great. Thanks. And then eventually talk more marketing, and then we start dive into like, I forgot to even ask you married. How's your relationships is things going? Manno in with how hard I'm working on time for relationship. That'll come later. I sure I go out on the weekends. And do what I can do and find find women here there. But I don't have that that relationship, man. I get it. I understand what your friendships your friends outside of work. Do people communicate with? Well, known I really don't be deal. Just curious back into marketing. We talk some more. We talk some more. Now the competition forty five minutes an hour. Right. I mean, that's just the way this goes. Then there's like the velvet hammer that comes down. Tell me about your, spirituality. Do you ever? Does have a chance to clear mind for moment. Or that's meditation or talking everything God is or. Are you able to find calm in any moment? Any place almost always get a laugh out of people. We'll know Uris in who I work for I pressure. I can't do that. Yeah. I get it. I understand. And this whole conversation. It's are taught about business and marketing we look everywhere else, and there's no other part of someone's life. That's actually firing the way they want it to. Then becomes as massive surprise them that the not able to get their business to scale the way that they want it. And so the pressure point of fixing businesses. Great, right. Like, we can create marketing campaigns. I can show you how to create one I can help you automate one. We can talk about how to videos to convert and retarding campaigns and Email, drip, sequences and I- down this whole friggin rabbit hole of marketing. Let's assume that marketing then picks up for just a moment. Let's assume that happens because it will. Do you actually feel any different? Do you feel more accomplished? Do you feel better in your own skin? Do you think that magically once marketing campaign starts to convert you're going to have more time to focus on your diet or your relationship or your spiritual connection? Do you think that's going to happen for you? No, I never thought of it that way. Of course, not why would you? No one's encourage you to look that way. See everybody that I speak to want to talk about business, and again, especially men business ends up being are. Metaphorical? Dick measuring contest. How successful is your tummy which do for a living to barman? What do you do for living? I'm a I'm a hedge fund manager for such and such firm. I just graduated my law degree. I'm dr. Those are awesome. Awesome. Professions incredibly impressed that you went to that much school into that much stuff. Madam. What about you? I'm just markets him stuff. Every once in a while. Try to help people become better versions of themselves, and I can instantly almost always see like that look down their noses are looking at me. I saw a real profession. But does night goes on our time goes on together. And we start really talking and just getting to know each other. You can see that what people are focused on is the area that they feel most comfortable in where all the growth actually needs to happen in the areas. You don't feel comfortable in. Certainly not easy to say. Like a cheater for eleven years. Maybe twelve. Maybe thirteen if I can count that high. What's it? She did not like I cheated a couple times. I was a serial cheater. Yep. That actually happened. That's my story. And to see people dislike way. What would why are you saying that allowed? Saying I loud because it it happened. I don't have to run from it. Doesn't mean. I'm still a cheater doesn't mean. I don't have a beautiful wife at home in a great daughter and all the things that go into my life now. Wouldn't you want that to Mr. doctor lawyer, whatever fancy profession you have? Wouldn't you want to feel better in your own skin? Wouldn't like it. It's crazy to me. We all look in these opposite directions directions. Maybe society has forced us to say. That's where we should go. Like, let's talk about business. My businesses failing. I don't know what to do bullshit fix everything else. If your relationship is on fire, new feel great in your body, and you have a spiritual connection. Eventually you have the power and energy to fix your business. If you try to dedicate more time energy effort in fixing your business, all it's gonna happen as the rest of those three areas are gonna fall ship. Every time. Pouring more gas on a fire. That's been put out by water. Does not make burn hotter. It just covers the ground gasoline. You have to stop pouring gas on a dead fire. Would it? Or would it not make more sense to go out and find a new campground with new dry wood? And maybe one of Elon Musk flame throwers and some Tanna right and some cool shit to blow up and some gasoline. Go. Start your own fire. Go create again. Stop doing the same things that you saw your parents do or your friends do. And expecting. The your result is going to magically be something different. Folks on businesses. The thing that needs fixed, and my personal opinion is almost always the wrong thing to solely focus on. Yes. You must have a component of your life. That said it catered to business. You must make time for you must focus on to not get me wrong. Do not twist these words and magically you can focus on the other three areas and businesses gonna self-propelled is going to take care of itself that won't happen. Either. But I never saw that may or may not come out where I ended up having a difficult time with some of the stuff they Gary check was doing this is super polarizing. But in that, there's this hustle and go and do all these things like that's all you can do all you should do. Just spend your twenty is just as hard as you can work twenty hours a day sleep four you can live your life. When you're thirty. And I grew to that to a small capacity. I believe you should work excessively hard in your twenties. I believe we should take risk. And I believe you should put money aside when you can. And I believe you should not worry about your 4._0._1._K, an IRA and all the stuff, the financial advisors would tell you. I believe it's your time and space in life from twenty to thirty take all the risks. You can. But in that, you should also take a risk on yourself. Take some time for you every day to work on your body. Taking some time to cultivate, healthy relationships taking time to cultivate, a healthier relationship with yourself with a higher power. Working twenty hours a day doesn't leave much space for additional purpose. Eventually leads to burn out for most people mica aunt. Lack of enjoyment. And so why you're focused so much on business because that's the litmus test of success. I'd ask you to consider. What is success really mean to you right now? Sure. There's nothing wrong. I want a private jet. And I want a nice car, and I want incredible houses, and I want to change the frigging world, and I will. But if I want that more than also having a phenomenal daughter that no she can do anything. She wants the world actually has the power and presence of mind to go out and do it. I don't think I want that private jet more than I wanna a happy and community of relationship with my wife, that's filled with love affection intimacy. I don't think I want that Rolls Royce more than I wanna connection to a higher or greater power or universal one. This. I don't want to change the world more than I want to ensure the fact that I'm around to view the world that I'm changing by taking care of my body. Video of balance across these four quantities of your life is not something that is unattainable. It's actually to me the way that you should be striving to live. And her for periods of time, you can dump more into one of these cups on the other. But you can't do as poor in from an empty Cup. So you have to have some sort of balance across all four part. You can't just focus on the part that you think everybody else's comparing to. Because you compare yourself to other people you're going to lose every time there's gonna be some part of your life. You can justify as worse than somebody else's when the only life. You're living is yours soup. Worrying about it. And in that. You'll eventually start to live a better life. And think about your own life right now think about the three areas that I always implore you to think about think about your your body and your relationships and your your balance inside of your business. I think about that. Thing about how everything you're doing is probably focused more on one than the other than instead of having some sort of time and space for all of them. For justifying. The fact I'm too busy at work. Take care my body. Arm to take care of might actually make good money. Or if I don't get home right after work. My wife gets mad. So I gotta just take care of that. I don't have time to go to the gym. And I really I'm not making the money that I should. The things don't work, my friend, not long term. Sa- quit looking towards the one area. This is easiest and look towards the hard. And we do that for consistently enough for long enough day over day, you'll find that you're able to get shit done.
15 Minutes to Freedom: A Warrior’s Daily Focus on Journals and Meditations
Aired Last week 19:17
E261 Down For The Cause
This is fifteen minutes of freedom. I'm your host Ryan. I don't today's episode is down for the cause. Today's episode. I'm going to share with you one of the craziest lessons that I've ever seen given to me by my daughter Gina. So for those of you that have kids around the holiday season. Most schools, at least lamented school seem to have some sort of play right? Some sort of concert some sort of children's event, and they want all the parents to come in for this night of singing or activities and bliss and all this crazy stuff. I don't say I'm new to being a father Reid. John is not my biological daughter. She got an incredibly active father in her life. But I don't like the term stepdad or even bonus dad really when she's with us. I feel as much like a father is I know how to feel. So I share with you very openly. I look here's my daughter. That is not in a way to diminish what her actual father does her in the role. He plays in her life. But we have this concert that is a few weeks ago. Now. That really one of the last things that I want to do being honest is leave work fight rush hour traffic. Deal with a crowded auditorium full appearance that also probably don't really wanna be there. And then listen to kids sing. I love my daughter. Completely. I wanna support her. But that's just not the thing. I want to do. And maybe you yourself don't have kids will have not experienced this yet. Maybe you do have kids, and you love going to the concerts respect all sides of this equation for me personally. I gotta just just drop. Those is not what gets me fired up. I'm not super excited about this. But I go price in the car for a minute or two I sent her myself do some breathing exercises and just realized how incredibly fortunate I am to get to be here in that moment. And literally whether it's internally annoy didn't say out loud, it it's almost like opening myself up to the experience it's coming and be present every moment right likely my phone away. Don't match any of this stuff. Just be there. Have John feel the love that comes from me and from her whole family, right? Her grandmother and grandfather showed up Lindsey side Lindi shows up Lindy's is husband her aunt her cousins. She had a cheering section the front row. And we're all there to rose four seats per row the front two rows. And she comes up, and she you know, she has hide all of us. She hugs us. She kisses us. She says how happy she is that we're there. And it's just a great feeling it's super eight. And she does that she's at this little swarm of friends around her. Right. I mean. These friends from the outside are the ones that everybody else in the schools watching. I would feel comfortable saying, they're the popular kids. And I hate to have that be a terminology that we use to define people. But they are the little click. Right. I think if we're all honest with ourselves we recognize that that is still what goes on. I'll call tribalism, right? I've shared that before in other episodes. That like minded people hang out together. And some point there's a perception of what reality is even a children's is and that some people seem to have differently than others. So John has got this group of six or seven maybe eight little girls the follow around. Right. And she's of self-serving -ly on my side. She's calm. She centered. She's loving and gregarious not going to all of them. And so that she's necessarily the leader. But she's kind of the one that's the conduit right because there's a crazy friend that like bounces around always got full of energy. There's a friend. That's all tra-, emotional that might be the quickest one to cry. There's a friend. That's already started focus on boys. There's a friend. That's maybe a little self Lakna little self confidence that she's you know, in our own process of finger self out and everybody has their own personality, and for my perception Jonah's like the the mid ground, you know, she might exhibit some of every one of those different personality traits. But she seems very holistically Senate who she is. And so she's over with us saying lower friends around her every there, you know. Nice skirts and dresses and all the fun. Happy stuff that goes on. And then she kisses us goodbye. And she leaves her friends. I'm sitting there watching maybe she's gonna use rusher. Right. Maybe she's walking the bathroom. Maybe she had to a teacher. Maybe somebody else. She knows. And I see her walk over and there's two kids. That have a fairly what I would say aggressive is the right term. They have down syndrome. Right. They are ones that are led around school with you know, a teacher's aide. They have a special curriculum. They're made to feel part of the whole group. They have their own challenges. Jonah sits right down next to him. And she's touching the one little boy on his back and having conversation with him and ask him questions about the toys gotten his hand. And then she moves the other side of him like stand up, and this is on the floor right as floor the auditory Amon. It's she stands up. And then sits between these two. Children one boy and one girl, and then she's sharing stories back and forth with both of them. Now, they're far enough away that I can't hear what they're saying. You can just see these two childrens face light up that the fact that Jonah's there, and John is present. And she's engaged. And she gets the fact that can ascetical they enjoy touch, right? So she's touching both of them like almost reassuringly, but with this loving energy. I don't really know how to describe it. And she stays there for quite some time. And it's she's not doing it. Because she's looking for extra no validation. Her friends have watched her walk away almost kinda turn their back in a focus on themselves. Nestle shunning from the group, but they're not concerned with what she's doing. Nothing. John is not concerned about them. She's also not concerned about us as a family unit. She's just there in the moment. Paying attention to these children. And a moment turns into five at five turns into ten and she's just generally engaged by this point the rest of her friends down have taken their seats. And she stands up and comes over. It says like Ryan, did you see my friends you I want you to meet my friends? And regretful. I don't remember their names, but she wants me to go. Meet these two children. And I'm just in all. Right. Here's this little girl that hasn't really been exposed to things like that other than in school. But she is completely unconcerned or not concerned with what her friends thing. She's not concerned if she's doing the right or wrong thing, she's going where she feels as appropriate and she generally enjoys these two individuals. And regretfully. We can't send up and go say Hello because the concert starts and she takes her seat. That's a little bit more in the center. But as the night progresses on and the children, take the stage. His it's fourth graders and third graders. Johnson third grade fourth graders come off the stage in the third graders. Go on. And even as they take the state, and she makes sure that these two children are like president taking care of. And she's talking to the teachers eight about them. And it's just the most on Spiring thing that I've seen. Because it's not until later in life that we learn to be judgmental. And then why do we learn that? Here's this nine year old child that would be thought of as the quote unquote, cool kid. That has a plethora of friends. The decides to spend time with the children that are cast aside. And she's not doing it to take a selfie for social media. She's not doing it to convince her friend. She's more of something than she is. She's doing it. Because there's something inside of her that shares with her that she should go do that. And these kids love every minute of it. And whether they remember consciously afterwards how she made them feel or not as left up to interpretation. But in those moments is someone now that I'll say feels a certain amount of energy from people you can just feel how incredible these three young children now Jonah and her two friends. How they're feeling in that moment. It's like the rest of the world might not even be there. It just them, and she's touching them and playing with their toys and. It's crazy to me. It's crazy because you think of all the places that we all judge people. Right. This time of year, you see someone that's a little less fortunate. That's on the corner of the road with a sign asking for money. Well, if you're driving a car, and you have gas in the tank, and you've had something to eat that day. There's a chance you have more than that person. But yet most of us keep our window down. We try not to make eye contact. We tell ourselves a story in our head about all they're just gonna use the money for drugs or for booze. Maybe they have a nice house, and they're just gaming the system. Right. There's litmus test that we try to run people through to see if they're worthy of what we have. Or what they're asking for. Instead of just pulling out are changed or that. We all have in our car are opening up our wallets and giving them something. Is not your Sustar with. Who cares? That couple bucks might be all that person needs. Whether they're spending it on booze or food or drugs. Like, what is it matter energetically, you're doing the thing that your heart is actually telling you to do? Because I believe we all operate from place of compassion. The world tells us not to do that. You can't tell me if you're honest with yourself when you see that person that has less or perceivable less than you have that there's not part of you that wants to make their life better. But then you talk yourself out of it. You go through this whole story of what else they could be doing with the money. It's not your damn business. What they do with the money. Just lean into them. Take a lesson from Jonah who cares? What about the person at the grocery store? We've all been there with this person's struggling to figure out how to pay for their groceries. I would rustling through their change and the trying to come up with these dollar amount might be couple of bucks short. And then not look like we look like they might not sound like we sound like they might not be wearing the right clothes. The might not have the same skin color. The might look like they came from the quote unquote wrong side of the tracks. But you know, damn well standing in line behind him the extra twenty five bucks for their groceries would not impact your life. One bit. It wouldn't matter. But yet you tell yourself another story you go through judgment loop. You prequalify the bad decisions they had to make in their life to get to that point. And he don't plots cashier credit card and help the people out. Why? At what point in life? Do we start to decide who's worthy and who's not? Because the nine year old. My daughter has no idea. She's not running these two individuals through filter. She not saying because they look different or they talk different or because they they have their own challenges in life that they don't deserve. Attention. Love friendship. She just helps them out. She's just there and she enjoys their company. I even think about this. This'll be close to the first of the year. This episode airs thing about being in the gym. You have the person that is very obviously new to the gym not because they're overweight or out of shape because you can just see they're lost. They don't know what they're doing. And you run through the story and your head of how inconvenient is very near space, and how you can't wait for them to go. And maybe even more judgmental that you'd start to mentally calibrate all the bad decisions had to make to get to the point of life where they're out of shape. And you judge them. And then you go about your day. And you're almost inconvenience that they're there. And all your hoping for every day. They go away. What would happen if you just leaned into them a little bit and offer them just a little bit help a little bit of guidance? Maybe just a little bit of friendships that they didn't feel so damn awkward there by themselves. Would your life be that much different? If you gave up five minutes. No, it wouldn't be. We all could so damn self consume that we forget the fact that time as a human construct. We created the ship. It's not really real, right? Like think about it. Right now, your apple iphone if apple decided to speed up the way the clocks ran an every minute no longer head sixty seconds at had fifty five. We would never know. Because it's a perceptive reality. So why do you care about quote unquote, wasting five minutes saying Hello to somebody and not being lecherous not to talk behind their back. But to generally try to help them. It's crazy. I gotta ask the same thing as pertains to relationship, we've all seen the single mother or single fathers struggling. To put groceries in the car to pump gas to make it through a store kids that are crying kids at are screaming. Like, right. That's part of life. And we judge the damn kids under control kids are running around lawless. What a bad parent that person must be. You have no idea the struggle that person's going through. Who are you to preconceived? What they what they are having to do to even get to that point. And how embarrassing insecure they must feel or what they have to do inside. Just to be present in that moment with kids that are screaming and. How frustrating that must be. But yet cetera offering assistance or seeing if we can help we walked by. We looked out our nose. We believe ourselves to be better than them. And then we keep going. Why? Just pivot for a second. If you can lend a hand a cost zero dollars to be good human being. Same thing that is a pertains to your business, right? No matter what rung of the corporate ladder, you're on. Whether you're an interpreter or entrepreneur. You have seen someone struggle. You've seen them not show up on time. You've seen them get frustrated we've all had bad days before. But how often do we actually take the time out to just talk to somebody? To offer some advice if they're willing to receive it. To lend an open ear. Almost never his. We're all frayed of being less than we're offering of judgement were all frayed of something that we shouldn't be frayed of who cares. Just help somebody out. All the stuff comes to me in the moment of watching Jonah at her play. Choir performance and seeing her spend five minutes with these two children that for all intents and purposes. Didn't fit the societal norm of people. She should be spending time with. And the fact she wanted to introduce them to me. And the fact that she cares about them as people. Was this truly heart opening experience arise just how misaligned sometimes my thoughts. Are what they could be. Because I am no different than you. I see the homeless person or the person that doesn't have as much. It's got the sign on the side of the road. And I'll fully say, I don't carry cash very often. So if you're listening, and you're hoping to mug me one time, you're not going to give very far when a half cash almost always rolled out my window and give it to him. But how much more difficult would it be for me just to go out and get a couple hundred bucks and leave it on my center console. And every time I saw somebody give them five or ten bucks. I'm fully capable of doing that. There's no reason why didn't. I'm the person that at the grocery store does get frustrated with the kids that are running around and screaming and yelling and said of like stopping sin can do to help you out. These things I'm incurred you to consider are all things that are woken up inside of me by watching John. And just be who she is. And there's so many life lessons to be learned. If you just open your eyes and receive them. This is coming from someone that was grumpy and frustrated fighting through traffic showing up to this concert trying to find a seat but being aware and open enough to receive the gifts that were in front of me. And what I'll share with you from my heart as if you open to receiving the gifts that appear every day. And then you apply them. Every day after you'll be able to get shit done.
15 Minutes to Freedom: A Warrior’s Daily Focus on Journals and Meditations
Aired 2 months ago 25:58
Nov12-26 Eva Love pt 2
Welcome to the SOB radio show where we have fun. Interesting guests and hot topics each week. We offer insights into music fashion, health, fitness and humor. Do you? Have the perfect guest for us to interview I want to know drop me a line on our Facebook page at spunky old broad one or reach out to me on our website at spunky, oh broad dot com. And now back to the show, I'm back with Eva love and Eva is the creator of the love miracle system, and is a relationship mentor. So you you talk about guiding relationships like a magician rather than a jackhammer operators. Why don't you tell us a little bit about that? What do you mean by that? We'll I'll tell you. What I why what that is is that a lot of women don't know how to guide relationship, they they? They're using manipulation because they don't know what else to do. It's not that they're bad or wrong. It's just that they're using the tools that they know of. And and what they what they need is some different tools. And so they're they're manipulating which to me is like using a jackhammer. You know, it's like, you're you're you're pounding the poor guy. And you know, you wanna get married, and so you say, well, if if we're not married by the time where you know, whatever the date is that I'm leading will. That's jackhammer. That's not. That's not elegant. That's not. That's not doesn't make guy wanna marry you. I can tell you. Now that doesn't mean the guy won't marry you if he loves you, and he thinks that it'll make you happy to be married. Sometimes he will even if he's not ready or doesn't really want to get married. You see the thing is and this is one of the. One of the myths that I'll go ahead and give you is that a low women believed that men are commitment phobic. And that's not true men. Are I don't think though, it all I think as a matter of fact, if you ever look at the widows and widowers the widow er's get married almost immediately, the widow's might take a very long time if ever yet Mary, but the widower's they want someone in their life. They want someone to share it with. They. Sure do and I'll tell you the the. The women who. Will let go of whatever their belief is about what's wrong with marriage and will create a different different scenario for themselves, different belief system. And by the way, you know, a lot of people say change your thinking, change your life. But it's actually change your beliefs. Change your life Stanford did a study in the late eighties. And it said that we have the average person has around sixty thousand dollars a day. And those thoughts have very little impact on our lives. What changes our lives is what we believe? Because that's where the energy is. So whatever whatever your energy is focused on. That's what expands into expression. So when you have these believes, especially if you don't even know what you have it. It's worth doing some some digging to to see what they are. And what's going on with you? So that you can. You know, let let go of the ones that are not working for you and create the good the good beliefs that will change your life, and it's not just doing affirmations, although affirmations are are good. The the the the thing that really makes the difference is actually feeling different when you actually embrace a feeling of being happy and joyful and full of life and having being in love, and you do this having let go of the opposite of those things. You will see a shift in your life. You will you will be able to change while census is a show for women fifty. Plus, I would like to get your opinion on the dating sites for women or well anyone over fifty. But specifically since we're talking about women over fifty what kind of successes have you seen there, and what's your opinion of them? Well, you know, I I've had a number of clients who have used different dating sites. I don't I don't recommend any of them. I mean, I don't have a particular favorite because I know that different ones have had success with different sites. But. What I do is. I work with them on. What's what's going to create the attraction for the right man for them? So when you when you consistently attract the wrong one it gets very discouraging. I can tell you having been that's that's what you did. You know, we're putting those vibes out there. And and they were just coming in by the bucket. They were they were I tell you that there was a womanizer within one hundred miles. They'd find me. So you know, you had to do the changing. But I I always wonder on those dating sites, and I don't know if you have had any experience with people who have done this. But I always wonder how truthful, and I guess that goes through the woman as well. As the man how truthful they are on their profiles. Well, I know a relative of of mine was not have any this is a guy he was having no success at all until his children. His daughter rubbed his profile, and then he attracted the woman he wanted, but he did not attract her with his own commentary fell. I asked wondering how true the profiles are. And and the impact they have. Well, I think that it's like anything in life. You're going to sign suffused rotten apples. You know, you're gonna find a few people in if you're good at finding rotten apples. You'll find a lot of them. So, but I can tell you that you know, my niece both both my niece and my nephew. Married from online, you know, meeting someone online, and they're both very happy one's been married. Fourteen years and the other one's been married. I think ten years. So, you know, these are relationships that are lasting, and that are, you know, solid. So I do know that you know, from personal family experience. Of course, I have lots of clients who have used them. And then I have clients who don't like them and don't use them, and they still attract a wonderful man, or wonderful woman, depending on if it's a man or woman, and and they are really you don't have to use them what I'm saying. Because like a lot of women, they don't like technology. They don't wanna be on their phone all the time. They you know, like I had client. I she signed up for one. I didn't tell her too. But you know, she she did. And then she just said, you know, it's like a second job. And I was like, well, it can be if you feel that way about it. I said, then don't don't do it. If you don't like it. Don't don't do. What you what doesn't please you? If it doesn't feel good, and you're not enjoying it. You're not gonna have a good experience. But if you're going. Into it with the idea that this is a a way to have fun. And that's what I tell women only date if you're going to have fun don't date to find a man because it's not gonna work with if you date, and you and you find that you enjoy the dating and you and I helped my clients learn how to have fun dating because a lot of women don't like dating. It's what keeps them even think? I think my mother my mother was one of those my dad died at fifty six and my mother never dated never went out. I think she was just frayed of dating and had I known what I know. Now, I probably could have helped her, but I didn't didn't know any of that back then. Well, you know, I mean, I served guy been a widow for ten years, and I have not dated, and the reason I haven't dated is I live really full life. And I'm not sure I would have room for somebody. Not that. I if the right guy came along, I wouldn't feel that way. But I just I haven't really looked at all. I haven't put the vibes out there at all has. I mean, my days are full with happy things would like to do, and I have requirements to I agree with the no smoking, I will say, I they also have to have a sense of humor, and they must love animals. So those are my three criteria. Yes. But what do you do how do you know when you should dump a guy, and how do you dump guy? Well, okay. So here's the thing. If a man is not responding to you. He's not your guy. So let him go wish him will, you know, don't make him wrong but used to whenever I would break up with somebody. I had to build a case against them in order to break up with them. And then I learned I don't have to do that. I could just you know, say to him, and I started doing this after I decided to start dating again. And I would just say, you know, I I really like you. You're great guy. I just don't think that there's any future for us as a couple, but I would like to be friends if you're open that. And most guys words matter of fact, I had three of the guys that I dated at my wedding because they were just good guys. And we were friends and my husband wasn't at all jealous. He didn't care. And so you know, that he was just part of my friend list that I wanted to be at my wedding. So you know, you can have a lot of of good male. Friends, and you don't have to be in love with them. And if you find that your dating somebody in he's not responding, and he's not, you know, he's he's he's a guy in person. But not for you. Then let him go the way to do it. The the gentle way to do. It is just what I said just you know, I I think you're great guy. You know, enjoy I've enjoyed our time together if I have I don't wanna lie. But I just don't think this is going anywhere. I don't think it's going to work out. And you know, I wish you well. You know, so just be gentle be be kind. You don't need to one of the things. You don't want to do is to list all the things wrong with them. You don't need to do that. That's that's not necessary. And it just creates them getting defensive and that isn't gonna end. Well. And you know, so just just be gentle. And and let them go. And then you'll be able to attract the right one for you. You see until we say no to what we don't want. The universe is not going to give us what we do want. Well, that's true. You know on the other hand found almost like what a gal expense from guy. I mean, a guy can say to a gal, you know, this just isn't working out. And then, of course, the woman very often takes that really personally because it is it's a personal. It's a personal statement. But you know, I think a guy may may not have that same fear of doing it as as a woman might. But I've seen a lot of guys say to a woman, you know, this is just not working out. We're not we're not a good match. And then, of course, the woman says what's wrong with me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, so there's a lot of. That too. But see that is her insecurities than I what I teach my clients to do is how to not get attached right away. You know, how to stay? And I don't mean not be open not be closed down. I don't. That's those things are not going to work for you. But how to to recognize that it's easy this guy or someone better? See once she realized that you don't have to have this guy. It's when you get attached to this guy that you get your heart broken. Well, exactly exactly that's the that's the basis of the all the pain that you experience when you break up is because you don't thought that you had to have this guy or this woman instead of you know, the right one, so I really focused on attracting the right one for you. You know, because if you don't if you don't have the right one, you're not going to be happy, married. Anyway, in the whole point is to be happy. That's right. It's to be happy. Absolutely. And I think also to work as a team, I think very important as well. And it's interesting, I've always been very comfortable about around man because when I started in business sixty years ago, there weren't a lot of women in business. So it was always out to dinner, you know, a business dinner, whether it was a date or not. But if it was a business dinner, it was always ninety nine percent of the time with men, so I've been very comfortable around man and very comfortable going out to dinner with them or whatever. And my husband was always fine with it because he didn't want to tag along and he wasn't interested. And he said, I know where you you think you belong and you always come up to me so counted, but I'd like to know more about your love miracle system. Tell us a little bit about that. And what it involves? Well, love neural system are using these techniques that I was given. There was there's a whole series of techniques, and they do different things. One of them is, you know, high talk about a finding those beliefs and bringing them to the surface, one of them does that it it brings these beliefs that you don't even know you have to the surface. So you can see them and shine the light on them bless them. And let them go. And then the then the next piece helps you then refocus your energy on the desires of your heart. And so when you really use the desires of your heart, and I'll see what happens with a lot of people as they get in their head and they make their list out of their head, and there's no heart in it. And that's why they don't get the right guy. So I teach them how to do that from their heart. How to really pour their energy into it. And then from there there's a tool for if you're if you have. Issues about the patterns in your life that keep showing up like, maybe you're a procrastinator or you, you know, there's different things that people do that keep them not living the life. They wanna live. And so this technique then allows you to. Your transform that behavior behavior that pattern to two different something different. So what you're doing is. You're basically. When we have patterns, especially deeply rooted patterns. It's like the neuro pathways in our brain have these deep ruts in them, and we have to create new neural pathways. And so this technique does that and so that you can create a new pattern and good healthy pattern instead of a destructive pattern and one on one. Or are these group or out of that work? I can do it both ways I teach in. I do teach in groups than I also teach. I do work privately with with clients and and. How long has something like this? How do you have a set time for a course in does everybody kind of make or break it in that time or do some people go a less time and some people more. Well, it depends on what you want. You know, when when I talked with someone I can give I can pretty much tell them what what I think would be the best way for them to go. Depending on where they are in their process of some people have already done a lot of work on themselves, and they just need tools. So therefore, I would put them in a different program. This just tools give me give me an example of a tool. Okay. So a tool like, okay. So. One of the tools that I teach is called getting back to the love. So have you ever had an argument with somebody? And there was this tension, and you just wanted to break that tension. But you you didn't know you didn't have any good skills for resolving conflict. And so the tension just had to kind of melt away after a few days, but the conflict never got resolved. And a lot of couples do this. They do this over and over and over again, and the then these conflicts just build up and build up, and then these walls build up between them, and then pretty soon they find that their chemistry is gone and they're not having sex anymore. And it's kind of a bummer, you know, it's like their roommates, or they're, you know, antagonised more likely some some people just all they do is fight zoo because they don't have any skills. So this is a tool that allow. Allows you was in. You know, you stop the argument you timeout, and you go both go separate ways and calm down. You know, get yourself where you're not all hot all upset. And so you get yourself calmed down. And then you come back to each other. And you go through this very fast process. It takes about ten minutes each each person. So about ten minutes of for one person in ten minutes of total twenty minutes, and you're back to the love your hugging, you're kissing. And then there's another tool for how to actually resolve the conflict. Once you've gotten the energy off of it of the unhappiness or good argument. And then this the next tool, then is how to come up with a solution that works for both of you. And so I have this tool called the win technique. And the reason I call it the wind technique is because. Both people win. I don't believe in compromise. Because compromise always leave somebody with a bad taste in their mouth. Somebody's had to give up what they want. So the other person can have what they want. And if one person does that over and over and over again in a relationship, the they're going to build up resentment in that resentment is then going to. Create a blow up at some point or or somebody just I mean, I can't tell you how many couples have come to me over the years where one person is just done. They're just like I'm done is. No more nothing else. You can do or say. And when they're like that. There's nothing more really is nothing more. You can do or say, there's no no counseling has built up for so long. Exactly. And either one or both of the party haven't been listening. Very well. And so it's a lot to overcome. So would you say in your in your practice? How many of the people that you see are over fifty? Most of them most of them. So so either it's a second or third marriage or it someone who's been married for a sizable amount of time. And they've just grown apart. This true. That's true. A lot of a lot of my single clients who come to me. I mean, you wouldn't believe how many women they're in their forties and fifties and never been married. And you know, I get a married. Well, I think that's more and more today, especially because you know, women are well, there's more women working. And so there's more independence they can support themselves. They don't need someone to take care of them. And really, I think you know, if you get married for someone to take care of yourself. That's the wrong way re married. I mean, you get married because. Yes, you love each other. But I always say you can love a lot of people, but you can't necessarily live with a lot of people. And that's the one thing I knew about my husband. I knew that I loved him. But I also knew that I could live with him. He could live with me because I'm not an easy personal live with because I am so independent. You know? I don't want anybody telling me what to do so same here. You know, I think I think it's I think that's happening more and more. And of course, there are still a lot of men who don't want a self sufficient woman, a lot of them say they do, but they don't and that has to do with the male ego and macho wisdom and all of that. However, I think that a really secure, man. A really a guy who got his feet on the ground. Appreciate some woman who can bring something to the marriage both financially emotionally, mentally physically all of that. I mean, that's all part of being who you are. So I'm sure that a hopefully it's going to change in the future as our our young guys that are used to having mothers that work. You know, they they are into that, you know, and it takes two incomes today to kind of survive. So I think that's going to be changing. But it is interesting that. So so what is the magic that? You think happens? We've just got about three minutes left that happens that you're able to take these women who have not gotten married for whatever reason and gotten married. Well, I think that the key here is that they're ready to do the work. They're ready to really take themselves on and take the whole idea of dating in and you know, being with men on instead of running away from it or keeping themselves. So busy the raising children or in their career that they they've avoided. This is mostly what I find is that they've if they dated they haven't done it with, you know, the tool set, and so therefore they often don't have a great relationship. They don't have great track record. So you know, I. You know, I think it's just the fact that when women are ready, and they're really ready to do the work things change, you know, we're powerful. We women are powerful women. And you know that and and then when they make a decision, okay, I'm ready to do this. And and ready to do the work. Then men we go to town. So how can people get in touch with eve? What's the best place for them to reach you? And and get some more of these gems from you. Okay. So if they want to just have a conversation with me or asked me a question, they can just Email me at Eva EV, a at evil love EV, A L, O V E dot net. That's my Email address. And if they want I have a free gift for them. It's called the ten miss that single women have about men like I said, even if you even if you're married, it would be good for you too. To get this. Because it's it's really a powerful piece. And how to bust 'em. Yeah. How how to bust because you wanna bus those myths, you don't wanna keep them. And that would be at Eva love HTTP cute. A Colin Ford size storage stash evil love if you just put evil love dot net forward slash SOB. You will get it. Okay, folks. So you heard it here. If you wanna learn about, those ten myths and the things that you can do to break them, go to evil love dot net forward slash SOB. And you will get those and myths, well, it has been really a something to learn about all these things that we we've always done naturally. But now, we know there's a methodology do that makes it even better for us as my. Yeah. Exactly. That's the whole point. So learn about her love miracle system because if you're out there, and you're looking for that special someone and you. I want you know, you wanna have this great relationship, which I'll tell you is is fabulous. There's nothing like it. When you find that right one. There is nothing like it. Go to either love dot net. Remember, it's not dot com dot net. And see what he has to offer. Thanks so much for being with us today. It has been a joy. Oh, I have just loved it. Love talking with you Gail. Thanks so much. All right.