5 Episode results for "Transfusion Syndrome"
NEJM This Week February 6, 2020
"Welcome this is the New England Journal of Medicine. I'm Dr Michael Berry this week. February six two thousand twenty we feature articles on Lung Lung Cancer. Screening in the Nelson Trial Raimondo cyclic and full restaurant in metastatic breast cancer vitamin D and pregnancy and asthma treatment treatment. Thresholds for neonatal hypoglycemia and car N. K. cells in anti CD nineteen lymphoid tumors a review article on Placebo Abo- and no CBO effects a clinical problem solving describing a rapid change in pressure and perspective articles on Altruism in-extremis Ramos on abuses of FDA regulatory procedures and on joining forces against delirium reduced slung cancer mortality with volume ct screening in a randomized trial. By Harry de Kooning from Erasmus Mc University Medical Center Rotterdam The Netherlands. There are limited data from randomized trials regarding weather volume based low dose. CT screening can reduce lung cancer mortality among male former and current smokers in the Nelson study a total of thirteen thousand one hundred ninety five men primary very analysis and two thousand five hundred ninety. Four women subgroup. Analyses between the ages of fifty and seventy four were randomly assigned to undergo C. T. screening at t zero baseline year one year three and year five point five or no screening the overall referral rate for suspicious suspicious. Modules was two point one percent at ten years of follow up the incidence of lung. Cancer was five point. Five eight cases per one one thousand person years in the screening group and four point nine one cases per one thousand person years in the control group lung cancer mortality was is two point five deaths per one thousand person years and three point three deaths per one thousand person years respectively in this trial involving high risk persons lung. Cancer mortality was significantly lower among those who underwent volume ct screening that among those who underwent no screening. There were low rates so follow up procedures for results. Suggestive of lung cancer in an editorial Stephen Duffy from Queen Mary University of London writes lights that since the publication of the first mortality results from the national lung screening trial which showed a twenty percent reduction in lung cancer mortality with low dose. CT T- screening. The intervention has been adopted as policy in the United States and there has been considerable discussion of the possibilities for its adoption in Europe policy policy. Decisions are still awaited in many countries despite the unequivocal nature of the original national lung screening trial results. This is likely to be partly due to doubts fostered by the early publication of inconclusive results. Of A number of smaller trials in Europe these doubts should be laid to rest by the Nelson results. There can no longer be any doubt as to the efficacy of periodic low dose CT screening in reducing mortality from lung cancer. The task for evaluation is now to estimate the cost effectiveness of this screening. The latter of course does not have a single value and is country autry specific it will depend crucially on the interval between screenings and more crucially on the population targeted selecting high risk persons with the use of validated models for predicting lung cancer risk is considered essential in an era when most lung cancers in developed countries are diagnosed in ex wchs smokers accurate estimation of individual risk becomes more important with the Nelson results. The efficacy of low dose C. T. Screening for lung cancer is confirmed. Our job is no longer to assess whether low dose E. T. screening for lung cancer works. It does our job is to identify the target population in which it will be acceptable and cost effective overall. Survival with rival cyclic. Plus Full Restaurant in advanced against breast cancer by Dennis. slaming from the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA. Los Angeles in an earlier analysis of this phase as three trial Rabbo cyclic. Plus full restaurant showed a greater benefit with regard to progression free survival than full veterans alone. In postmenopausal Oh patients with hormone receptor positive. Her two negative advanced breast cancer here. The investigators report the results of a protocol specified second second interim analysis of overall survival. This analysis was based on two hundred seventy five deaths one hundred sixty seven among four hundred. Eighty four your patients thirty four point. Five percent receiving RYBECK PSYCH LIB and one hundred eight among two hundred forty two forty four point. Six percent receiving Placebo Zibo riboside clip plus full restaurant showed a significant overall survival benefit over placebo plus full restaurant. The estimated overall overall survival at forty two months was fifty seven point. Eight percent in the Robo Cyclic Group and forty five point nine percent in the Placebo Group for a twenty eight percent percent difference in the relative risk of death. The benefit was consistent across most subgroups in a descriptive. Update median progression free. Survival title among patients receiving First Line treatment was thirty three point. Six months in the Rabbo Cyclic Group and nineteen point two months in the placebo group known no new safety signals were observed rival club plus full restaurant showed a significant overall survival benefit over placebo plus full restaurant in patients with hormone receptor positive. Her two negative advanced breast cancer. Six Year follow up of a trial of antenatal not natal vitamin D for asthma reduction by Gustav Litang Wa from Golisano Children's Hospital Rochester New York. The investigators gators previously reported the results of trial of Prenatal Vitamin D supplementation to prevent asthma and recurrent. We's in young children in which Prenatal Prenatal supplementation with four thousand four hundred international units of vitamin D three or four hundred international units of Vitamin D. Three per day were examined with maternal levels of twenty five hydroxy vitamin D taken into account. That report suggested that supplementation provided a protective effect at the age of three years. The investigators followed the children through the age of six years to determine the course of asthma and recurrent we's and found that there was is no effect of Maternal Vitamin D supplementation on asthma and recurrent. wheeze in either an intention to treat analysis or an analysis with stratification according to the maternal twenty five hydroxy vitamin D. level during pregnancy. There was no effect of Prenatal. Vitamin D supplementation. On most of the pre specified fight secondary outcomes the investigators found no effects of prenatal supplementation on Spiro metric indexes although there was a very small affect on airway resistance as measured by Impulse Assalaam etry this finding was of uncertain significance vitamin D supplementation during the prenatal title period alone did not influence the six year incidents of asthma and recurrent wheeze among children who were at risk for asthma. Erica Fund Matias from the Helm Holtz. Center Munich writes in an editorial that this trial was appropriately powered and skillfully conducted and thus the outcome could be considered quite definitive especially in light of the similar results obtained in a study performed in Denmark. Vitamin D supplementation should not be used to prevent at school age. Asthma which is most often associated with Aero allergen sensitization however the previous report limited to the first three years as of life showed some evidence that Prenatal Vitamin D supplementation provided protection against wheezing illnesses. This protection was strongest for for the first year of life and tended to wane between the ages of one in three years findings reached significance when combined with those of the danger study taken together. The results suggest that Vitamin D supplementation may be effective in preventing the transient forms of using that occur in preschoolers coolers but not allergy related asthma the prevailing form of persistent disease during the school years. Transient wheezing is unrelated to allergies and the most common causes of weasing regardless of prognosis in this age group are viral lower respiratory tract illnesses in spite of its a good prognosis. Transient leasing can be associated with severe asthma. Like symptoms especially during the virus season although supplementation in this trial Oh was not effective in preventing school-age Asthma Vitamin D supplementation. During pregnancy may still play a role in averting less persistent forms of leasing in an infant's with a parental history of asthma and allergies lower versus traditional treatment threshold for neonatal hypoglycemia by an Van Kampen from Emma Children's Hospital Amsterdam the Netherlands worldwide many newborns who are preterm small or large for adjusted age or born to mothers with diabetes are screened for hypoglycemia with a goal of preventing brain injury. However there is no consensus is on a treatment threshold that is safe but also avoids over treatment in this randomized trial involving six hundred eighty nine otherwise healthy newborns born born at thirty five weeks of jazz station or later with ace symptomatic moderate hypoglycemia to threshold values for treatment were compared would a management kamins strategy that used a lower threshold treatment administered at glucose concentration of less than thirty six milligrams per deciliter be the non inferior to a traditional threshold treatment at a glucose concentration of less than forty seven milligrams per deciliter with respect to psycho motor development at eighteen months cognitive and motor outcome scores on the Bayley scales of infant and toddler development? were similar in the two who groups mean scores one hundred two point nine cognitive and one hundred four point six motor in the lower threshold group and one hundred two point two cognitive and one hundred four point nine motor in the traditional threshold group. The pre specified inferiority limit was not crossed fewer and less severe hypoglycemic occurred in the traditional threshold group but that group had more invasive diagnostic and treatment interventions. In this study ready a lower glucose treatment threshold was non inferior to a traditional threshold use of car transducer. Natural killer killer cells in CD nineteen positive lymphoid tumors by N Lee Lou from the University of Texas. MD Anderson Cancer Center Houston Anti CD. Nineteen car. T. South therapy has shown remarkable clinical efficacy in B cell cancers however car T. cells can induce substantial central toxic effects and the manufacturer of the cells is complex. Natural killer cells that have been modified to express an anti hi CD. Nineteen car have the potential to overcome these limitations. The investigators in this study administered. Hla mismatched anti CD. Nineteen eighteen car N. K.. Cells derived from Cord Blood to eleven patients with relapsed or refractory CD nineteen positive cancers the administration ration- of Car N. K. cells was not associated with the development of Cytokine Release Syndrome neuro toxicity or graft versus host disease and there was is no increase in the levels of inflammatory cytokines including interleukin six over baseline of the eleven patients. who were treated eight? Seventy seventy three percent had a response of these patients. Seven had a complete remission and one had remission of the Richter's transformation component but had persistent assistant chronic lymphocytic leukemia responses were rapid and seen within thirty days after infusion at all dose levels the infused car N. K.. Cells expanded expanded and persisted at low levels for at least twelve months among eleven patients with relapsed or refractory CD nineteen positive cancers answers. A majority had a response to treatment with car N. K. cells without the development of major toxic effects placebo and no CBO effects a review article by Luana CA Laka from the University of Maryland School of Nursing and School of Medicine Baltimore Placebo. Zibo and no CBO effects are the effects of patients positive and negative expectations respectively concerning their state of health. These effects occur in many clinical contexts. Tech's including treatment with an active agent or a placebo in clinical practice or in a clinical trial. The informed consent process the provision of Information About Medical Michael Treatments and public health campaigns placebo effects caused beneficial outcomes and no CBO effects caused harmful and dangerous outcomes variation in the ways that patients respond to treatments and experienced symptoms is partly attributable to these effects the frequency and intensity of placebo effects in clinical practice are difficult to determine and the range of effects in experimental settings wide in many double blind clinical trials. L.'s have treatments for pain or psychiatric disorders. For example the responses to Placebo are similar to the responses to active treatment and up to nineteen percent active adults and twenty six percent of elderly persons taking placebos report side effects furthermore as many as one quarter of patients receiving Placebo Oh in clinical trials discontinue it because of side effects suggesting that a no CBO effect may contribute to discontinuation of or a lack of adherence is to active treatments placebo and no CBO effects are powerful and pervasive in clinical practice neurobiological mechanisms information offered in relation to treatment patients expectations previous encounters with a drug or procedure and the therapeutic MILLEA can all generate these effects a rapid change in pressure a clinical problem solving article by Kristen Dasilva from Brigham and women's Hospital. Boston a seventy four year old woman presented with a six week history of Progressive Disney on exertion eight weeks earlier she had been travelling in Italy and had been walking up to four miles per day. Progressive Disney on exertion had developed after she returned to the United States. She also noted a nonproductive cough fatigue loss of appetite and an unintentional weight loss of nine kilograms over the previous six months four weeks earlier chest. X Ray showed no pneumonia a five day day course of prednisone and Zithromax was prescribed however her symptoms continued to worsen and she began to have Disney when she was at rest on current current examination. The patient had tack Cardia to keep Neha and hypoglycemia. The differential diagnosis was broad but given the acute presentation pulmonary pulmonary. Embolism was the most likely diagnosis. However pulmonary and geography showed no evidence of pulmonary? Embolism mild by Basil Adolescent asus enlargement of the right ventricle and multiple sclerotic lesions within the vertebral bodies were noted progressive hypoglycemia developed developed and one hundred percent. Oxygen was administered through a high flow nasal kanye systemic glucocorticoid intravenous heparin and inhaled EPO processed in all followed by intravenous tra- personnel were administered but had no effect patients with pulmonary humor thromboembolic micro Angie apathy typically cle- present with Disney on exertion and hypoglycemia. The diagnosis is challenging. Owing to the rarity of the disease altruism altruism in extremis the evolving ethics of organ donation up respective article by Lisa Rosenbaum National Correspondent for the Journal for. WBZ's life partner. In retrospect the first sign was dishcloths full of water. Why had WB stopped reading them out as he had always done on his hands? It turned out had grown weak and soon his foot started making slapping sounds when he walked when he could no longer mow the lawn without resting he sought taught medical care only to be told he was decommissioned because he was overweight and had a sedentary job when he started falling down. Wb then fifty fifty five was finally referred to a neurologist who diagnosed him with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis LS WB. A father of three. Who spent his life? If working hard and caring for others researched his disease with a clear understanding of his prognosis. He felt a profound desire to still help others he. He approached the University of Wisconsin Transplant Center with an unusual request to donate all his organs before he died if he had to die in a process that would strip him of his dignity and sense of purpose. Why not be allowed? This final act that could save other lives however the legal and ethical hurdles hurdles proved insurmountable even donating one kidney while. WB was still living and able to consent for which a clear protocol exists wasn't straightforward straightforward in some countries however opportunities for organ donation are expanding as ways of dying evolve in Canada where medical assistance is in. Dying is now legal. Some patients are able to fulfil this last wish abuses of FDA regulatory procedures seizures the case of suboxone perspective article by Rebecca half achieve from the University of Michigan School of Public Health and Arbor only about twenty percent of the more than two million Americans with an OPIOID use disorder O. U. D. received treatment in a given year buprenorphine. One of several medications used to treat Oh. Ud substantially reduces the risk of overdose and can be delivered in office based settings various barriers impede widespread access to buprenorphine however including including federal requirements that clinicians obtain a waiver to prescribe it. In addition high prices for brand name buprenorphine formulations strain the budgets of public programs which cover a disproportionately large share of people with no you D in Two thousand seventeen Medicare and Medicaid. Were responsible for thirty thirty. Two percent of the two point. Five eight billion dollars in prescription buprenorphine sales. The bulk of these sales was for suboxone. A patent atten protected buprenorphine no oxygen sub lingual film made by RECKITT benckiser pharmaceuticals now separated from its former parent company and known as in DVR in the profitable buprenorphine market Reckitt benckiser exploited various FDA regulatory procedures to impede entry of generic competitors editors and maintain elevated prices by securing potentially undeserved orphan drug status for his buprenorphine products manipulating the availability ability of such products filing questionable citizen petitions and engaging in abuses of the FDA risk evaluation and mitigation strategy plan to attenuate safety fifty risks associated with buprenorphine products. The company earned at least one billion dollars in extra profits. These actions contributed into a recent one point. Four billion dollar settlement between RECKITT benckiser's former parent company and the Federal Government in. DVR continues is to be the subject of related criminal allegations. This case provides an example of the kinds of abuses that are common in prescription drug markets joining forces against delirium from organ system. Care to whole human care. A perspective article by Sharon Inoue a new a from Beth Israel deaconess Medical Center Boston. Dr Inoue walked into the hospital room in the early morning and observe the patient from across the room. He was disheveled sprawled in bed. Amidst crumpled sheets mumbling incoherently doctrine. You a called his name and he glanced over unfocused focused without any spark of recognition in his usually intense deep brown eyes as a geriatrician. Dr Inoue has witnessed this scenario of a patient with delirium cerium hundreds of times this time however the patient was her father Dr in new a had spent the days at his bedside trying to speak with every team each day to alert them about his worsening brain function and provide information about his sensitivity to psychoactive medications and the adverse effects that some of the drugs in his regimen have an older adults though their responses varied. They were unified in their dismissive nece. The drug is necessary. It's only short term. Eventually the reality hit her. She was powerless to help him. Her father's delirium was a clear demonstration of its multifactorial. Causation Zeh Shen. Despite the fact that he had been a practicing physician up to the time of his admission there was no question that he was vulnerable given his age. A major surgery three and diabetes and acute kidney injury but could her father's delirium have been prevented. Dr Inoue believes so yet she she realized that. No person working alone not even a delirium expert can prevent delirium. It takes an enlightened coordinated healthcare system system motivated to work together to improve care for older adults our images in clinical medicine features a fifty eighty three year old man who presented to the emergency department with a one month history of relapsing fevers Disney and rapidly progressive. Skin lesions physical examination. Shen revealed painful injuries ended. non-jews with surrounding purple discoloration on his back trunk and limbs the results of laboratory investigations nations included a white cell count. Three thousand per cubic millimetre a platelet count of thirty. Six thousand per cubic millimetre and ferreting level of more than forty thousand nanograms. anagrams per milliliter bone marrow. Aspirants showed Hema fago psychosis and a biopsy specimen obtained from a skin. Lesion showed extra nodal natural killer N. K. T. Cell Lymphoma pet scan revealed increased Fluoro- Dioxide Glucose avidity in the nasal ferrings media steinem abdomen pelvis testes and skin the patients Epstein Barr viral load was eighteen thousand four hundred eighty six units per milliliter extra nodal N. in K. T. Cell Lymphoma is an uncommon. NEOPLASM that is associated with the Epstein Barr virus. The patient received six courses of systemic chemotherapy. At follow up at eight months there was a dramatic improvement in the condition of his skin. And the Epstein Barr virus was undetectable resolution of the Fluoro- Fluoro- DRC glucose avid lesions was observed on a re staging pet scan physical examination of Monaco. Oriana DOC amniotic identical twins. That is sharing a single placenta but having separate amniotic sacs who were born at thirty one weeks of Jeff Station and showed a pallid. I twin and a plethora second twin the placenta had marked colored a symmetry and pathological analysis revealed Pale Fribourg vessels from the first twin and congested vessels from the second twin findings from routine Trans Abdominal ultrasonography. That had been performed at thirty the weeks gestation were suggestive of twin anemia. polycythemia sequence taps repeated ultrasonography performed six days later revealed Olivo Damn News in the first fetus and polly Hydros in the second fetus which was indicative of twin to twin Transfusion Syndrome laboratory results. After birth showed a hemoglobin level of six point. Nine grams per deciliter in the palate twin and twenty five point five grams per deciliter in the plath Orrick orrick twin twin to twin transfusion syndrome is a condition in which relative hypoglycemia develops in one twin. And Hyper Volney. Mia In the other taps is a form of the syndrome caused by the slow transfusion of red cells through small placental anastomosis resulting in anemia in one twin and polycythemia Lisa thema in the other. The first twin received a transfusion of one unit of packed red cells the second twin underwent phototherapy and two cycles of exchange transfusion fusion. The two twins were discharged after thirty nine days and had normal development at the twelve month. Follow up this concludes Our summary Let us know what you think about our audio summaries. Any comments or suggestions may be sent to audio at any J. M. Dot Org. Thank you for listening.
Richie Jackson on why being gay is a gift
"The I am Jonathan Kaye. Part and welcome to Broadway and television producer. Richie Jackson is an out loud and proud gay married man and when his teenage son came out to him he was thrilled but when his son said daddy being gay is no big deal. Ritchie knew he had to act his new book. Gay like me. Father Rights to his son is Richie's response. Being gay is a gift he says it also demands knowledge of your history. And how you fit in in America. Our conversation runs the gamut including the historic candidacy of Peop- litigate. Some are actually asking if Mayor Pete is gay enough here what Richie has to say about that right now. Richardson thank you very much. For being on the PODCAST. Thank you so much for having me your book. Gay like me. A father rights to his son. I've read it full disclosure. I wrote a blurb for it because I thought it was beautiful and powerful but for those who haven't read it yet talk about what inspired you to write this book. Well thank you for your beautiful blurb and For having me I wrote the book because my husband and I have two children and when our older son was fifteen he told us he was gay and I was elated. I had wanted him to be gay. Hope to be gay. Why it was being gay is a gift. It is the best part about me. It's the most important part about me. It's been the blessing of my life. I wanted that blessing for him. And also you cam parent. If every day you pray your child is nothing like you. I have no self esteem as a parent if I did that. But when our son told us he was gay he said Daddy being gays not a big deal. My generation doesn't think being gay is a big deal and I said Oh no being gays a really big deal and I started to think of all the things I'd share with him about what it means to be a gay man. I didn't want him to grow up to be one of these people who diminishes it. Demeans it by saying gays? Just a part of me just happen to be gay. If he did that he would break on heart and diminish the gift that it is and then in two thousand sixteen donald trump was elected and brought with him the Washington Mike Pence and they've declared war on the LGBTQ community they are more of an imminent threat to our sun than Isis and North Korea. Now I had to warn him what it takes to be a gay man in America. And that was the impetus for the book you write in the book to your son. You're an American. You do all the things Americans do. You even have the dream but America doesn't want you doesn't accept you a systematically attempting to erase you schools. Don't teach about you laws. Don't fully protect you. The America you think you are part of is a mirage. You must every day. Keep a certain clarity about yourself yet. Remain keenly aware of America's vision of you when you started answering my first question. Being gay is a gift but this gift given what what? I've just read what you've written to your son. It's a gifted heavy baggage. It's harrowing to be gay and it's really hard to be gay but think about it our adversaries are not trying to diminish us because we are worthless because where a defect they know that are being gay makes us powerful think about what. Marvel's lgbtq people are. We disappointed our parents. We are at battle with our government. We are stigmatized by religions. We are bullied in our childhoods. Where raced in our classrooms. We've survived the plague and still we rise. Come out and say this is me. That is the spirit of an extraordinary species of people. You right Also my coming out wasn't only a combination of an exploration in an evolution of identity. It was a political act right that is opposite of what of what your son Jackson was thinking. It's just a part of me. It's not a big deal but for you when you came out it was a political act. And why right so I came out in nineteen ninety-three right at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic and are coming out was political. We had to stand up and show in numbers. How many gay people there they were. So that we would force the government to fight AIDS being game being political has always been intrinsically linked from me because my first political act as a gay person. I act as a gay person was going to rally to demand The government fight AIDS and I. You didn't go where I thought you were going to go because I thought you're already doing my answer. I thought your first political act other than coming out was going to a pride parade and you have very strong opinions about what pride has become exactly. Well you know if you if my first political act was going to pride it would not have been a parade because back in nineteen eighty three. We were marching. We were not having a parade. They were angry marches. They were there. Were more fist than flags. We were activists who were Demanding attention demanding rights that we didn't have demanding representation. There were no out politicians. There were no out movie stars. There were very few laws protecting us so back then. Pride was A A rally a March now all the rainbows and the Hashtag love is love and the parades have all lulled us into this complacency into this false idea that things are better and corporate sponsorship. You Right Pride was a rebellion. Not a logo or handed together not branded. Yes so we didn't have any corporations and I recognized that back then we would have craved the corporate attention. Oh Yeah and Just somebody to say we see you and we support you but right now what these corporations are doing is they're slapping rainbows on their Store windows they're putting floats are parade but they also when we're not watching supporting local politicians with who are anti lgbt because it is in the best interest of their business so they're pink washing us so corporations are a complicated thing for us in our in our pride rallies in our pride rallies. But given what you just said there are corporations that step up and and go to bat for us when more powerful than our government when when state legislatures do so called Bathroom Bills Tim. Cook probably the most powerful. Ceo of a gigantic corporation put his personal cloud on the an he. He is gay right. I'm put his clout on the line. Does that no extraordinarily or you could look recently at Tennessee bills. Where all the company said. This is bad for business. They still got signed into law. The only company that did not sign that letter denouncing these laws is Fedex on. That says a lot yes You what I find fascinating is in. We're of the same the same generation and this son who has didn't really have to be in the closet. You right you were never in a closet. You didn't start. Start your gay life with that prison of secrecy. Aninat weird way was the closet or is the closet A benevolent incubator. Yeah it's interesting To sit there sitting in the closet and be able to discover yourself and and have a sense of what you're facing outside. You know one of the things I think a lot about. Is these young kids. I celebrate them coming out so young but are they ready for. What's going to come at them? Once they are out and You know the the I wouldn't know how to be our son to live in a world where he didn't I didn't start my life Hiding Eileen start my life with secrets and I think so many of us Do that that becomes a modus operandi for the rest of our lives. You can't compartmentalize secrets. So if you start your life in prison and a full of secrets hiding that's GonNa seep out to other parts of your life and my son doesn't have that and I'm grateful for your grateful for it but on the other hand you it makes you super fearful rally him. He has no idea what it takes to be an on alert. Gay Man in America. I one of the things that made me nervous and why I wrote the book is he has no gay guard and Lgbtq people our age. You know that you never let down your guard. You always know who's around you what you're saying. Who can hear you when it's safe to hold your husband's hand when it's not safe to kiss the person you love goodbye. You know What Street to walk down to get to work because it safe. You know what states to live in That are hospitable to starting a family or where you could be fired for being gay there. Were all these things. That take daily vigilance. And if you don't have a gay guard you're at risk and our son didn't didn't have that when he was leaving college looking for college and yet as you write in the book I want you to talk about about this. I'm going to read this one. This one sentence. And then you run with it us. Very Gotcha. Gotcha which you're ready. Fresh said this right now but you right just a few months old and you were already confronted with gay prejudice right so Our Son was three months premature. He was an identical twin and they were They had twin twin transfusion syndrome. They were born three months early in our first born son died and Jackson was In intensive care for three months and when he was eight days old and two pounds he had surgery and over the course of the time that he was in the hospital he needed a blood transfusion. But because we are gay men Both me and my partner at the time B. D. Wong who Who Who I had Jackson with. We were not allowed to donate blood. We were his parents. We had pledged take care of him and to you know protect him and we were being told eight days into parenting that we could not do that. And that law still That regulation from the FDA still stands. Gay Men cannot donate blood unless they're celebrate for twelve months the discriminatory Regulations still in place so when we go to our. Pta says we're doing a blood drive my husband and I have to say we're not allowed to participate in fact you say in in the book that In order to do in order to have Jackson and his identical twin you had to have HIV. Test your I know the doctors and nurses all knew we were HIV NEGATIVE. Because in order to do surrogacy you have to have been tested for HIV. There was no other reason that we could not donate blood. Other than discrimination. And the Glenn you in the end so discrimination in terms of giving your own son blood for transfusion that he needed and you right you see you see when you watch the the. The blood goes sitting by his incubator. He was two pounds and now it could not breathe on his own and blood from some other human being that we did not know was being put into his veins and I was seething and I was so angry. That here are baby was and we were not allowed to take care of him the way he needed to be taken care of. And so you couldn't give blood because of discriminatory laws. This was a New York state while it was not in New York. Oh that's the other discriminated. He paid surrogacy in. Two thousand was not Legal in New York State. It remains not legal in New York state. It's abomination and we had to leave New York so that our baby could be born in California. So here we were. We left the best medical care in the world and left our family to go to a different state to go to Modesto in California to have our baby where we knew nobody where the the hospital didn't have the level four or the Niko level. That could take care of him. We had to airlift tomato there to save him but New York wouldn't let us Give birth there and still don't and you write that there's one judge at the time was right. One judge there was one judge in California back in two thousand who would put the names of same sex couples on the birth certificate. And what you do is you get a pre birth judgment. You'd go to this one judge and he would Basically make a decree that you were the parents and the two names that were on the birth certificate were Me and be and that was hard to believe twenty years ago. Yeah seems like yesterday I know and yet as you said in your answer those laws are still on the books right so you all of them right so we just went to Virginia a few years ago my husband Jordan them rothen I to have a baby and same thing we went to Virginia. 'cause they're hospitable to. Sir Paid surrogacy and because they have the administrative rules that allow us to be on the birth certificate. I will tell you though We had our baby in two thousand sixteen and after the election our lawyer called US and said you have to have a second parent adoption. I don't trust This administration and Yesterday names on the birth certificate but just to ensure your parenthood you should. I get a second parent adoption. I mean you were already like. Ah The rest of us in the gay community freaked out that the man had been elected that now here you have your own lawyer calling you in saying just in case in case so you should have a social worker from the state come into your home and give the judgement that you are suitable parent for your own baby. And I said I'm not doing that. I didn't do it and it's not Recommended and I certainly would recommend everybody get as compared adoption. But I will not let this government told me a suitable parent for my baby. So you mentioned your husband Jordan Roth and and you right so sweetly about how the relationship came together. How did you meet? So it's the gas story so happened over Brunton even Gayer than that even not we met at the Tony Awards. Okay and I was Harvey Fires Teens Guests. The year that he was up for Best Actress. Musical for hairspray. And just up the week before Somebody I knew had met with Jordan so during a commercial break I went up to Jordan and introduce myself. I mentioned this colleague. We have in common and we started to talk and I am just like every show business conversation ends with. We should have lunch. And then I went back to my seat and stared at him the entire night and I called him the next day and asked him to have lunch. One didn't answer the phone. So how many days did you wait? These advair next say how not wait. I don't play games and so so how long I called him the next day. We made a plan for lunch and I think the next week we had lunch but it was pouring rain. The day we were supposed to have lunch he's was uptown in New York City and I was downtown and I called him and said where should we meet for lunch and he said? I don't go out in the rain so if you want to still do this you have to come to me and I actually now that I look at. He really likes. Set the tone for the way this relationship has got to be. I jumped right on that subway. Well I mean and If you have not seen Ritchie's has been Jordan you will understand why that is so funny that he would not come out into the ram and so you have this date or you had several. We had several Not Dates and you know I had been in the previous relationship for fifteen years. Jordan was the very first person I started to date when I was single and I kept saying these feel like dates me. We're going to dinner and the movie that was dates when I was younger and I could tell he didn't think they were dates and I just thought Oh. Does he think we're becoming friends? Who needs more friends one night? I just said to him. We should date and he should. He said it's complicated. And all I said was it's worth it and he said it's complicated and I knew what he meant. I'm ten years older. I had at that time three year old baby and I was fresh out of very long term relationship and all I said back to him is it's worth it. And he said complicated and back and forth back and forth and finally he said. We'll just tell me how this works. We go out. I fall in love with your son. He falls in love with you. I mean with me then. We break up them. What and I said. Why are you thinking of getting out before you get in? And he didn't have an answer to that so we very slowly Dated AFTER THAT. I was seventeen years ago. Seventeen years ago and you got married got married in two thousand twelve so eight years ago. I know you have had your eighth anniversary. I think it will know. We'll be this year will be in June. I mean September is Sorry I paused one. Because you know. I know both of you adore both and the people can't see is with every answer that you've given the motions are right there on the surface whether you're talking about Jackson whether you're talking about Richie you're sorry I was thinking is whether you're talking about Jordan whether you're talking about Little Levi who's the cutest thing in the world when you and I talked about you had already written the book? You are petrified. Ask about how this book would be received in how open you are about a lot of hang in this book and again you're writing to your son and you're writing to your son about how how to be a gay man including tips sex tips. Yeah well sex. How NOT TO HAVE SEX You know I was petrified when we talk before it was out and I was Because my my entire heart is in on these pages and I felt very vulnerable and very exposed but I thought I had to write it this way. Because if it was an academic book it would be meaningless to Jackson and bike taking that narrow lane of writing him a letter. I couldn't smooth out the edges. I couldn't soften anything. I had to be honest and truthful so that it would actually be worth something and I would say that every parent. You should write your child to leather before they set off. You don't have to show it to people like I did but I I've said everything I need to say him. I am at peace that he's going out into the world and I know that I've left nothing onset You told him about or all of us really is about about painful things when you were around his age and trying to get out there and find yourself and know yourself in situations that you you got yourself into with is Say Older Gentleman but people in like professors in Wash. They were were high school teachers. Oh that's right. I know we're not taught about ourselves in school so here I less than seven percent of lgbtq people get inclusive sex. Ed Back when we were growing up. Nothing Now it's only next nothing so when I got to nyu. I had no idea how to have sex with another person. I didn't know what a tight rope it was. I didn't understand that you had to try to be vulnerable with somebody while also protecting yourself from their own taking on their baggage so the first per the first man I had sex with broke up with me right. After we had sex we hadn't sat up in the bed and he said to me. This is wrong. We should not be doing this and he broke up with me. The second person I had sex with in college said to me. I'm straight and then leaned in and kissed me and we had this feverish Fair and then he broke up with me because he said he was straight and I was so young. I had no idea that his self loathing wasn't personal. I took it on and then I realized I couldn't soothe all that terror he had for the feelings. He was having the third person after we had intercourse. Punched me and screamed at me. How could you do that? He was so angry and having enjoyed sex with a man. So those were my bruising I three experiences and I have not recovered from that I have always had difficulty letting myself be intimate because I was so hurt and what I wrote in the book and what I said to her son was. You're not gonNA know when you come in contact with a young man in college that you're GonNa Hook up with. You're not gonNA wear the journey. They are they could be in the closet. They could have been bullied. They could have been abused. They could be self loathing so you have do. Take care with them. You have to be good to them. Because I didn't know that when I was younger and so you you put all of these feelings on the page so now I have to walk through and learn from you the reactions so I the reaction of Jackson this is written to him and you've shown it to him to them but he started college when I gave it to him and he was. I gave him my book and his professor gave him. Socrates Act escalates. Guess what he chose to read verse. Socrates yes Having gotten his reaction yet we we'd has not read the whole book yet. We've spoken a lot about the ideas in the book and you know one of the things we always did while he was growing up was have dinner as a family has out every night. So these Some of it I spoke as I was writing it. But there are things in He hasn't read yet. I was much more worried about my parents reading it than I was him. And so I was go at you right. I if I remember correctly because I've read this back in September I feel so ahead of the curve but if I remember correctly your father initially did not react. Well he was not My coming my mother Was Amazing and she told my father. I was gay after I told her and he said all the stereotypical wrong things. Gay Men Lonely and sad. Why did you choose this? It's just a phase and I was so off kilter because I had never had any Problems with my parents growing up I was very good Kid and I love them and we were very close and this just put me off kilter and win your father. Read the book. He had no idea I remember. He had no idea. You felt this way There's a lot of things about my relationship with Or My feelings about my dad as a father. That would be new to him when he read the book I've said it to therapists. Nobody else and But this is a book from father to son and I think it was important to put my my relationship with my father to me so I could inform my relationship to our Sun I was so worried and I forgot that my parents are of this World War Two generation where they're not going to share their feelings so he didn't say very much to me My mother read the part about him out loud to him and he said I guess he's right and that was his reaction. And I you know to me that was extraordinary And then now he is so proud. The book he constantly is texting me about the design of it. He loves it so he hasn't quizzed me about anything or asked any questions about the contents. He's concentrating on how beautiful it looks. How proud he is and he made. I went to a book event last night and he texted me to make sure I had a Burell. Because you know he wants to make sure. I'm not going to get sick so that you're not gonna get much more detailed in there now. Your mother Basically she was in on it from the get-go and you write that. She took you to talk soccer luxury Sheets Torch Song Trilogy and seventy in you ride that you thought that was this. My Mom's way of telling me it's okay. It's okay. She took she had seen it. I was torturing children very first Broadway comedy about a gay man and it was a huge success in nineteen eighty two and three in Iran. For several years my mother saw it came home and said. I just saw this unbelievable play with this incredible actor. Who's also the playwright? And on my way out. I bought tickets to take you and I said what's it about and she said homosexuality I had not told her I was gay and she took me to see Harvey Fierstein In Torch Song the character Arnold was the first gay man I ever came in contact with and at the end of the play. He has a fight with his mother and the mother says. If I had known you were going to be gay I wouldn't have had you and after the show. Mother took me to dinner and said you know if you ever came home and said you were gay. I would not react like the mother in that play. She used theater as a crystal ball to show me life. That could be possible. She knew no gay people. Nobody was talking to my long island mother about gay people then she had no. Geico workers know gay friends. It was her own humanity. That had her take me to show me what my life could be. And I didn't come out that night but I knew I was safe because of that Gesture you also say because of your upbringing because your parents didn't teach you To to hate to belittle to look down on people on any one that you when you did leave home. It was a shock. I know well so I had. I had always thought. Being Gay was lucky from when the third grade I felt lucky to gay partly. It's because my parents never said a negative word about any group of people so I had no negativity attached to it and they always valued my feelings and my thoughts and I've always felt worthy because they made me feel that way so when I was different than everybody else I was so happy because I grew up in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood. We went to public school. Everybody was Jewish. We went to Hebrew school after then. Little League everybody was the same and I had a secret that made me special. I couldn't read. I had trouble reading. I was terrible at math. But I like boys. And that made me feel so much better than everybody and then It wasn't to the fourth grade that the My Gym teacher had heard I joined chorus and I was the only boy who joined chorus and he said to all the other kids in the gym class jump on the Faggot and all the boys piled on and that was my first sense that Oh other people think there's something wrong with this. Let's fast forward because you mentioned Harvey firestone you. You were the producer yes recently within of the revival of Torch Song Yes Harvey is whatever your closest friends. Did you think when you were sitting in that theater with your mother watching Harvey Fierstein that a few decades later you would be working with him that you would be doing the revival that you would have the life that you have now? Well I did in that theater. I did think I could have the life I wanted. Which is to be parent and to be in a relationship? Because that's what torch song is about in this play was set in nineteen seventy nine and Harvey's character. Arnold was demanding the life. He wanted an mirrored. What I wanted but You know it's extraordinary that I Became friends with Harvey. I've worked with Harvey for thirty six years and we are the best of friends but I will say what is important lesson from that. Is that gay actors half to play parts in movies and TV and theatre because what seeing Harvey on stage was miraculous to me but following what he said off stage and this is before instagram but I will read about him in the newspaper. I watched his now famous interview with Barbara. Walters on twenty twenty. It's on Youtube. Everybody should watch in nineteen eighty three. He said to Barbara Walters. I think everyone's gay unless I'm told otherwise. My Gay self-esteem just its infancy. That was a staggering paradigm. Shift for me. So watching him. Offstage was even more impactful to my life than it was on and I think that's why we need to have Lgbtq people play themselves so that young people could follow them off camera and see the life that could be possible for them. can ask a favor sure. Can we talk politics? I'd love it. Oh good I mean. It's a little daunting with you. Talk here on this bill please please. So you're a big supporter. You and Jordan are big supporters of mayor. Pete yes talk about the important given what you just said about. You Know Harvey in the importance of gay actors. Playing gave hearts as other people can see their life outside of of the theater and just living their full selves. Talk about the importance of mayor. Pete in this regard in this time that we're in right so think about all the conversations that are going on about him now in classrooms in homes and all these young people who may not understand all their feelings who may not have told anybody about their feelings but here is this gay man who is a top tier contender for the presidency. Who is traveling around the country campaigning with his husband? That is life saving for young people to see that there is possibility for them in this world and There is no way to be cavalier about his candidacy. It is give so much hope to our community and so much It's a flare of direction for parents who have young. Lgbtq parents of kids who can say look look what is possible and I just find that extraordinary one of the things I find extraordinary and this happened during two in two thousand eight. When Barack Obama was running for President The F- The first African American to one run for president. Who had a serious shot not to take anything away from Shirley Chisholm or Jesse Jesse Jackson or voted for? Oh well that's not that is not surprising But in that time there were people who are black. People are having active conversations about whether Barack Obama was black enough. I knew where this was going. And Right now the gay community seems to be in this swirl of craziness talking about whether Mayor Pete is gay enough or even if he's gay right so I mean whether he's Gay I think is absurd The weather he's gay enough. I find deeply disturbing. First of all definitional. He's Gay. He's married to a man he served under. Don't ask don't tell that's gay but what I think people are forgetting. Our community does not have a litmus test for entry. You could be my son fifteen and say you're gay and you are Part of our community. You could be the children who are standing up there. Auditoriums and Disclosing their gender identity. You can be that young man. Who was the Valedictorian Speaker at Brigham? Young who came out during his speech. That's extraordinary a thirty one year old man who lives in the closet for fear that the life he wants for himself is not possible. Who has shame about what he feels about himself? That is as legitimate and lgbtq experience as any other and we cannot start to have think there's primacy of one gay experience. We we have no test to be. You could beat self hating you. Convene you're in our community? You could be in the closet. You're in our community. You can be pride prideful and be in our community all are welcome and we have no tests. And that's what disturbs me so deeply about this conversation and so then if you were confronted by people who are insisting upon this test what would you. What would you say to them? Well you know. I think if if they want that test they're going to they are they are basically losing the soul of what makes our community souls special because we do not have judgment about the kind of gay person. That is the right kind that there is no ideal of the right kind of gay person and all of these winding definitions all these new words. That young people are using our extraordinary but we need to make sure. Our community remains cohesive and we cannot start to parse out who doesn't seem like the right part of our community I think a lot about parenting is a covenant right. You send your child out into the world and when you're not with them somebody else has to take care of them for you. Whether it's in the playground at school at Houses of worship and with our lgbtq youth that Covenant Is Broken. It can be broken by parents themselves. It's broken by the government. It's broken by are organized religions and it's broken by our education system and what our community has to do as elders is we have to take our LGBTQ youth and we have to form community around them. We have to lift them up. Help them find their gifts and unleash their potential we use We put that covenant back on we are the ones who reinstore the covenant so that is deeply important responsibility as a gay person so we cannot start saying you don't belong you're not gay enough you're not the right kind of gay we have to be restoring the covenant for every lgbtq person in this country. I mean I I find that. Entire CONVERSATION TO BE You you say drubbing Isaiah. It's offensive if You know I've had many times people saying to to me. I'm not black enough or do you know your black and say yeah. I know I'm black and I'm reminded every time right and so for me I. Maybe I've just become an old bitter this aid but I have no patience but patients were join of you would would Lgbtq HATE GROUPS. Consider PK enough to Discriminate against yes would our adversaries consider him getting enough? Yes could he be fired and all those dates? Yes can he give blood? No does he have to be careful where he's holding Charleston's hand yes so he is deaf initially gay because everything that stacked up against us is stacked up against him to in the book. You give Jackson your son. Lots of tips and pieces of advice and as we close out the conversation. What are some of the the the tips that you give him that we haven't we haven't touched on one user to be be active politically and you'd have to be active You have to get. Lgbtq people's should get their LGBTQ news from lgbtq journalists because Not all our news is always out there and it also our point of view coming from our point of view is very important. The other tips. I give him his way to be a feel good about yourself as a gay person. This world is to learn our history not as a homework not as eat-your-spinach but as a way of if you learned about who the extraordinary gay people who were in history you will feel less alone learn about our culture our writers artists because they will help you understand. That otherness is a superpower. They will show you how to use your otherness as a positive force in your life and Embraced your gayness. Make it central to your life. Invest in it rely on. Have faith in it and If you do that you will have a incredible journey. Richy Jackson author of gave me a father rights to his son. Also Broadway producer torch song the revival and did mention this television executive producer nurse. Jackie and short bus. Thank you so much for being helping me. It was so fun. Thanks for listening to Cape Up Tune. In every Tuesday you can find us on Apple podcasts. And stitcher and how `bout doing me a huge favor subscribe rate and review us. I'm trying to think partners. The Washington Post. You can find me on twitter at Cape Heart Jay.
032: This is Us
"Welcome to the boss up. Podcast a podcast dedicated to living the good life. I'm Michael Moreno. A thirty eight year old business owner father of three girls husband and Moreno family chief security officer and I'm Lindsay Teague. Moreno thirty nine years old. I'm an author speaker. Mom and white. We believe the combination of your marriage. Relationships finances spirituality health and works are the six cornerstones of a good life as a team. We've explored what it would look like to change everything and demand more in all these areas. We're about to take you on audio journey of our story in everything. We have learned through the really amazing and Shane filled parts as a couple. We've been able to shift our mindsets around challenges and see them for what they really are lessons. That will help you build the life that works for you and not the other way around so grab your partner life or business your favorite beverage and get ready for a dose of reality and we love Jesus but we cut a little now. Is the time to hide from your kids. Hey everybody thank you guys so much for being back here today. Our favorite thing is going to be something Michael Loves. We're GONNA talk about a lot things some things that are for girls some things that are not but Michael is IRA family. Chief Safety Officer always is really good about keeping US safe and making sure that we are prepared for situations and so this product today is from him. Yeah I take it very seriously. This product is called adult lock. We're going to put the link in the show notes so he could see it and linked to where it by it so at a lock. It's eighteen dollars. It was invented by European engineer. It's an amazing product. It's made with hard plastic and stainless steel. He made it so that way. Travelers and teachers could afford a strong security device for their doors. This is such a great thing that goes right into your strike plate of your door handle and when it's engaged someone from the outside it's GonNa take a lot of effort for them to get through that door so much so that you should have time to escape. Call the authorities. They were going to create such a scene that it's going to create on them so it's just a really secure product. I highly recommend it. Teachers eighteen dollars secure classroom and for us. We use it when we travel hotels. Airbnb as you name it. We use it because I believe in it that strongly. Yep All right so grab you an Atta Lock. The linked to that product is in the show notes. If you have a time finding it. Hey everybody welcome back to the boss up podcast. I'm Lindsay Teak Marino. I'm Michael Moore. We are going to talk to you guys today about our story and our marriage. We're WANNA start by telling you a little bit about us has some context as we talk about the things that we've learned and the things that we've come through and what our journey looks like so that you can say. Oh that's like me or that's very unlike me up never experienced that before because there's some some stuff that we talk about that Mrs completely but there might be some stuff that is very similar that we have gone through that. That actually might help you. And that's really where we want to dig in is are the places that we can connect our stories. Intertwined your story and where we can help you navigate some things that maybe you aren't sure of or some things you hadn't thought of or ways to view a situation that you change your mindset exact. Maybe even new talking point. Yeah even the same question that you've been asking yourself or someone important in your life but just worded differently have maybe has. The impact is what I found and I often conceived myself when I hear other people's stories so we really want to be honest with you guys and upfront about our story and kind of how that looks and so we're going to tell you guys today. A little bit about our marriage story how we met what what are marriages looked like so far spoiler alert. It's been a emotional roller coaster. We have done it all over the map in our thirteen years of marriage through everything. And then we're going to tell you guys a little bit about US individually because we're very different people. There are some things that we share and are similar but for the most part were very different. And I want you guys to hear that too because I want you to be able to hear a piece of your Marriage story and ours. Oh yeah that's the same as similar my husband and I are like in some ways but a very unlike in most ways or or. We're very similar in that similar way to or we could never work together or we could definitely work together. Whatever that is we want you to be able to take something from our story. So we're going to tell you a little bit about that all right exactly all right. I'm ready I'm excited. Michael's Nuder podcasting but I'm so excited. Let's talk about us together. We met in two thousand and six at an Arizona. State football game played Washington state issue. One they did and then we got married about a year later so we dated for about a year. I'd say seriously for eight months probably before we decided I I would say even seriously for less than that before. We decided to get married. Both of US had come out of really long relationships. My relationship previous was ten years and his relationship previous like just a little bit. We've been in some relationships and so he would have figured out some of the things that worked and didn't work in a long term relationship and what we really wanted out of relationship and what we did not any longer one wrote in Lindsay night coming from two very long relationships. We both understood each other. Bro. From the beginning we also knew exactly what are non-negotiable what we were willing to put up with and what. We're absolutely notes and just so happened. The first woman I met in my life and she met all non-negotiables that was agreed. Sturt right out of the gate a great punch. I met my wife right away. Games my first date after my ex Yep and he was my first day after my ex my first date so we met and we found out that we worked very close to each other in the same building at the same company. Five hundred feet and we were like. Oh awesome. Who Do you live with someone? Five hundred feet away. That's you know. There's a sea of cubicles so started talking back in Portland email. We started dating. We'd meet each other. I was working two jobs at the time because I was bored with my life owes living with my mom. Because I'm a boss. I was living with my previous boyfriend. And when that ended. I was like all right. Well I gotTa move somewhere and I'm just gonNA with my mom until I figured this out so I was actually living with my mom. When I met my husband. Did he had a full house. We were on a little bit of different places in our life at that time. So we meet we get together. We Love we love each other right away. Liked each other law right away. We had great chemistry right away. Both intellectual and physical chemistry right away. We wanted to spend all of our time together. I would say starting in Lake March ish was when we started talking about living together sir. Talking to my mom about that vote marriage marriage talking about going travelling together. That kind of stuff. Our first year was kind of getting to know each other and then we ended up being married by December the next year we meant September or November. Excuse me we were married. By December of the next year two thousand and seven and then in May or April of two thousand and eight. We had bought a House. We moved into our house and then we got pregnant and on purposely. Wanted to get pregnant. I was ready to have babies. 'cause I was twenty seven years old at the time my goal was twenty six and so we did what we doing you know. Start trying to whole American dream and listen trying to have. Babies is awesome Super Fun for us. I know not everybody. Has that same experience but we we really loved it and so we got pregnant on a camping trip and came back is red. Rotaru wins yet. Don't ever go have sex in SEDONA. If you don't want twins you never will happen so that poor Texas real so we surprise identical twins which is crazy because when we first met we discussed having kids. I didn't really want kids but I knew that Michael Be Amazing Dad and so we said okay. Let's pretend we can control this battle? Okay Okay I want a baby on a single trade and in fact I loved her so much and I wanted children and wasn't a force thing on the table of you have to want children arts done very it was truly something. She woke up one day. And was like yeah. I'm ready lately. Es She's like you're going to be a great dad. I now believe I will be a great mom. She had some baggage sandbags. That you know people may have told her. She may have felt that she wouldn't have been an adequate mother when she's amazing so she came back and said one kid and I said that's fantastic. I love you so much and I wanNA child will make it work and I said you know what I just WanNa boy is. I grew up with a man. That's one of the nicest man I knew. He had three daughters in the poor guy was going to go with attack very hurriedly great family. But I don't know how he lived actually is what you're worth whereas like. I don't know how he survives just visualizing his life. I was like okay. We'll just if they're like that. I don't want any part. Girls are meet boys so you know man plans God laughs with identical girls so I laughed. I started laughing and other when we found out ultrasound. Yeah I cried and movie-star try cried very much cried a lot. I was not here character and it was scared I was. I felt unprepared for one baby and then someone was like. Oh by the way. Here's an extra money or is owned by the way it's identical twins naturally are very high risk so get ready for thirty five weeks of stress like you've never felt I wasn't saying so we did thirty five weeks of every single week ultrasounds and Michael never missed one if you have a husband. That's willing to leave work and still have four hundred hours of sick time built up but it's willing to leave for your doctor's appointments got keep holding that one so he came to every single appointment. We had some really good ones. We had some really bad ones and eventually at thirty five weeks. We ended up delivering Boston and Teagan in emergency section. They had twin to twin transfusion syndrome. Which is where when you have. Babies that Cheryl Center like ours. Did where your body basically picks whichever one is going to have the greatest chances of survival and it starts giving all the really good blood to that baby and it kind of shuts off the blood to the other baby so that they can. Your body can make sure at least one of these is going to make it. We're going to repopulate the world of at least one of these if she can't keep to alive so that was kind of scary and we watched our baby be Boston at the time not grow and so once that started to happen they were like I gotta get him out of there because this baby is not getting enough fresh blood to keep keep growing so we didn't we emergency c section. They came out and we ended up getting to leave on time with Teagan. Boston wasn't the nick you for three weeks. And it was a really rough time. Michael Michael did. The heavy lifting as far as Boston was concerned hospital because I couldn't was during the Rsp season she just had a baby in chee either teagan as well. Let's keep digging back to hospital. Pleased anytime so we get to this and I actually think that there was like kind of a side note here. I think that there was some. Ptsd trauma sure Michael during that time. Three five weeks with this pregnancy. It was an ultrasound weekly doctor's appointment but every week that doctors always loved to let us leave with a bit of information that either. Hey Twenty I hope she's alive next week when you come back. Thanks Ray Nicer than that but yeah. I tweeted this. One only has a fifty percent survival rate right now. Twin B.'s. Hearts not growing. So I don't know how that's GonNa work. We'll see next week. Okay Great. We had a whole seven days crying stressing about this and I think the warning notably our mindset wasn't great during that time we didn't know to not be upset about it. We didn't control Lindsey was doing contracting work for a company that went bankrupt so now we lost her income. Were DOWN JUST TO MIND. Come with a new house in two new babies on the way having these doctors telling us that one they were only giving us a fifty percent chance that we will have both of our children at the end of this and that they were really concerned that we will only leave with teagan which was baby a so for thirty five weeks. That just started building up this wall. Defense as a dad of break thirty five weeks of telling myself in just making a deal with God of just bringing these girls and I got it from here I will protect them with every drop of blood in my body and that's happened and in the ICU. It got proven again because I had to fight for my daughter and unfortunately I do get very emotion and especially after that trauma. That was the first time I ever saw you absolutely lose. It should just right after by. Why along with okay? So here's here's why we lost it. Boston was in the incubator in the LIMBIC. You and she was doing well even though she looked so tight pants. She started feeding well. Every time I was there. Boston was taking the bottle for me. She was feeding with me. Shoes thriving with sending my milk down to my sending Lindsay's milk and I was feeding her but when I would go home at night because they wouldn't let me stay there. One nurse would push a Boston's food through the feed. Line will when you do that. It resets the clock to forty eight hours. At least it was then that now your child its failure to thrive and so you have to wait until they could eat on their own for forty eight hours before they could go home every feeding it. Was this one particular nurse so finally I saw trend. I felt it was incorrect. And Michael. Mehta's saying he did. I was like what's because this was not the Michael. I knew at that time I had it. I wanted my daughter. I made a promise with God and he delivered. Now is my time to fight. And here's dot so I thought and here's the thing is I got resolution out of it. Yeah I got the CEO of the hospital to get into the nick you and hear me out and you know what Boston was home within seventy two hours right so that to me. I think I told myself this is how I have to be. This is how acidy this is the new Michael because this is how things get done and this is what I promised and this shows I have to be this person for my family and honestly that's not right. Yeah assigned no. I think neither of US believe that God is the God of making deals. Oh yeah or like. Oh both believe that thank you. It was just like the thing that you did at that point in your desperation exactly. It was at that time of nervousness unknown and control. I hold on control so much that I lose control and I think he's like at that time. I think that was the version of God that new to you. You arrest a lot in spiritually APPS. As far as what you believe about God at that time you all you knew was your previous church style. Sold the bad guy. I agree then. That's completed also God. I didn't understand no or knowing him now. So and you'll find in this podcast. I talking to Lindsey helps me bring it back in a nice. You know what what to take away from this talk so babies the trauma trial trauma was. That was a real time of trauma for Michael and then we get the the babies out of the nick. Yael huge issue. We overdo our count on a one dollar red box movie. It'd be fun you know since we're going to watch tropic thunder at like two in the morning eve. It was Christmas Eve. Yeah that's a fun to wake up to her Christmas morning knowing you have actually owed the bank like thirty dollars but it was tropic thunder and worth every penny still your Christmas from our wedding gift cards the year before and we had a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. You know man. We had her daughters. That's all matter. Yep they come home. Everything's good right. We finally get them into a schedule. But we can't afford to diaper them. Were feed them right so we start to get a little bit desperate around that time. I started to get kind of freaked out. Michael was forgot. We're both stressing over money. Like how are we going to make this work? We can't even buy diapers for our premiums. Because they didn't fit into the diapers that we got for all of our showers. Right during your showers. They give you size one. Will our kids were in these little tiny preemie things that look like they fit a Barbie their own baby diapers so we were having to find money to buy diapers it was. It was a really stressful time. And I'll tell you one of the Times I felt the biggest failure was having a brand new baby and not being able to pay for that baby to eat food and Diet etc have basic necessity. I mean growing up all I when someone would say Michael. What do you want to be when you grow up? I said I WANNA be husband and a father going to be a great dad. I want to be a great husband. Night wasn't the guy that said the goal was always be a doctor or astronaut. Or anything like that. I mean I had career ambitions but ultimately what I've always wanted is a wife and a family dollars it to love and and really show what true love and loving family would look like and right out of the gates. I felt like I was failing. Now I was ruining my own dream like you would think I'd be preparing for this for twenty six twenty seven years for this day and then these finally here and that's the brokest have been suspended. An adult yes and yet that sauce ass yeah. That was an experience that hurt real bad going in but on the outside coming out the way that it has changed our life has been profound. The struggle has been profound in our life in our marriage in our relationship with our kids in our relationship in all the ways that we do life that was one of the hardest things in it has affected. Us profoundly a positive way. Yeah exactly and we from the beginning before we got married. We threw down on the table. Like we we get through this together and it's GonNa be messy. It's not GonNa be fun you know. We may not like each other much at times at. But we're gonNA respect each other. Stay committed to get through this and as this podcast goes on. You're going to hear how we have been challenged and this one right out of the gates were just yearly here in the marriage and they were warning number seven and our first anniversary was December first and so the first year we dealt with at and that was just the beginning. Yeah so God provides right as as always happens. I'm out trying to look for jobs. I was applying for night stocking jobs so that I could feed and watch the girls during the day while Michael went to work and then he would come home and he would take over and then I would do a night shift right. And this is what we're GONNA DO. We're just GONNA rotate and not see each other and that was going to be the way it was. It was what we had agreed to no problem. I went out that very next day and start applying for jobs but was like Costco target. And I know I'm not the only one out here and I know everyone's situation is different but as a husband again like I said I liked dreams this Dec- his wife had just given birth. I three weeks ago out there trying to find a job any job heart breaking to me like I couldn't do it. I couldn't step up. It was my time to step up and I didn't show yeah you that's how I would've taken another job at that time. I was looking for another job. I was doing overtime I could but still deep down by EGO got smack that day and you know it sucked but I think also a lot right like say if something happens to you. You know that I'm going to be able to take care of the kids right and if something happens to me. I know you're GONNA be able to take the kids on the both proven at one point. Our marriage it exactly. We have always said we have always done no matter what if what we have is gone. Tomorrow I will do any job. There is yes I don't. I sweep the floor. Micro call me. I will clean the sewer. I don't care if puts food on my family's table I don't care what it is of all the nasty stuff you can think of. Michael's going do it to put food on the table for his family. So you could go ahead and go there. Okay so God provides this job. My old job calls me and says we've got this opportunity. We really want you to work from home. Do you want this Holy Shit? Oh my God I wanted. I fell to my knees that night because she just came back in Ohio to call. They called me over qualified for every job that I put in for. Oh you just had a baby okay. I know what you're getting at. You say the word because it's illegal but I know so I couldn't get a job at target or costco but my old job called me and said Hey. We know you have experienced with like you to do this. Does this sound like it's going to work for you. It will give you a pay raise in the same day. It was like two hours after we were done crying. Like how are we going to do now? We're starting to work on okay. Here's how he starts skipping bills. Here's how we start selling. Here's what we like right. I can give me to donate blood. Donate whatever and I'm telling you two hours after we were finally done we created a plan of attack for the next day Lindsay got a call and they deemed the no. She was looking for a job with Corey. Lee had no idea. They just wanted to see if she was interested because she was no longer with the university. Or the so I get this job and it takes off. Michael and I started our master's program at that point both of us getting our masters in Organizational psychology which is the study of how groups work together and we both decided we would be able to do a online faculty if we could teach online college courses and I thought psychology would be the most fun thing to teach so. Let's go do that. We did it great grades and I knew I could stay home with my kids and do faculty on the side so we decide. This is the plant. We're going to both get our master's degree which we do and along the way get pregnant again on purpose after we had the twins of what happens for even from the time that we have the kids to finishing their so along the way it over. Master's degree we decide the twins term. One like I wonder what had another baby would look like right because we have these two and they look exactly alike. You know it feels like almost one child. I'm ready for another one. Mike was like I'm ready for another one. And so we went ahead and went for it and boom right away December. I went off. Birth control middle of December owes. Perhaps so yes I find out. I'm pregnant January. We're still doing our master's program and so September comes around my mom flies out from Phoenix to be with me as Kennedy is GonNa be born and were so excited. We're trying to have a feedback that in workout because Kennedy was not coming out in time so we have another c-section Kennedy comes my mom's there to see it and she flies back home. We buy our ticket to come back a couple of weeks later and in between that time when we flew her home and when she was coming back out Kennedy was three weeks old. She died of a massive heart attack. So Michael had gotten a call from my Stepdad. Yeah so it was like Lindsey had just received her privilege for driving again endearing the her pregnancy with Kennedy. She developed a liking for Spicy Food. So she went out who get food for. Us and during that time be when she left and came back her Stepdad. My father in law called me but I was working on on work so I skipped it. But he just repeatedly kept calling me so granville that yes so I grabbed the phone. Pick it up and I was like. Hey Joe. What's up Lindsay's not here? Because why he want to talk to me right now. I WanNa talk to him. So I'm on the phone with Joe and he says are you sitting down Lindsay there and they said actually Lindsay's gone and said okay. I need to tell you something. And then he proceeded to go into a conversation and as Lindsay is pulling out as. I'm falling to my knees on the sidewalk. Hearing that her mother had just passed in. My life is pulling up. And she's wondered line Guede is doing. What are you doing out our sidewalk on his knees. And I could not get words out of my mouth try to come inside and etcetera down and I told her you know this is just mash me. Barely getting these words out. Choked up did not cry. It's hard still to this day as the hardest thing I've ever had to tell anybody and I proceeded teller that her mother passed away and this whole time she thought I was getting ready to Hillary's her grandmother. Because Lindsay's mom was really healthy. Walk the golf course. Every day did like added a spin lasts are and she was full of life but she passed away and boom. There's another thing on us and honestly during that time too. We were dealing with losing our house in Arizona due to the recession yes. We moved to Colorado for Michael's job and we had kept our house in Arizona. We were like okay. We'll just rent it out and then we'll try to just float both for a little bit while we can because we're not. We're not ready to sell yet. We loved our house in Arizona. Was the first house we bought together. We couldn't get our money out of it and I never thought we'd leave Arizona. Not come back. I was just assumed we would be back because that's where we grew up where we met each other. It's like our whole lives are in Arizona. Our families were there. Everything so we leave Arizona where we're in. Colorado things are starting to get really tight even with my job and Michael's job but we're making it work. We finish our master's degree graduate. Mom Dies paying rent. Stop paying rent on the House. And so we have choice. We are either going to foreclose on the house or we. We'RE GONNA try to sell it. So we got a realtor my Mama's realtor neuronal. We've got a friend of hers that help us did us a solid and helped us short self. The House and it was a huge ego blow. I think for both of us to lose the first thing that we bought together meant to be able to say like we can't afford this. Were freaking adults. And we can't afford our life who to start her life. We say we say we're adults. We can have kids. And then that's when we don't have a job don't have enough money to house. Yeah it just fell right out of gates the first couple years like we're just getting dealt a blow after blow up and this is still within the first three years of our marriage through four four years of marriage. We we moved over here. I what eight years we were married. We moved every single year with our kids to other cities other states. Even you know we lost a house week. We got married. We got pregnant. We almost lost her kits. We had a kid in the nick. You they write houses. Everywhere we we married with multiples you know we were married and we have kids with that multiple back. Divorce rate is fifty percent rate. Which you know everyone loves to tell us that statistic. We told them we're pregnant with twins people's fifty percent marriage rate and I'm like thanks student like they're trying to pry right now. They're trying to tell you this is gonNA fail. Don't listen to that noise. Yup Flip that in when they say they don't last it you know what fifty percent he lives in say fifty percent. Dome I say fifty percent do it actually. We'RE GONNA change. That were raised this statistic. Yep Yep so mom dies where we're dealing with all of that. We lose the house and it now new newborn reno at this time. Potty TRAINED TWINS. Yeah we moved to Reno and in Reno I've got a one year old a two three year olds and Michael and I lose the house and we make an agreement on the day that we lose that House that we will not buy another house until we can pay in cash and we shook hands that night. This is what we're GONNA do. We're going to rent everywhere we go until we have enough money to buy our housing cash and that was kind of like our very i. I think grew goal family goal. It really well in another thing. People said they'll never be able to do that. That that's not smart. Why would you do that? Yeah Yeah you need the tax brain going. The benefit added on. Listen CARRY MORTGAGE I get. We have mortgages. We just got burned by it. And if you've ever been burned in short sell foreclosed lose a home. You know that feeling Yup. I don't WanNa go through again. I don't want to have those conversations with the snow mortgage people in the basin and knowing I couldn't fulfill a commitment lawyer. I base my life on Philly my commitments. Yeah because it's not like we were like irresponsible asshole. Adults were really work. We were trying our best. We just there was a recession. We bought our house in February of two thousand eight rate before the market took credit. And here's the thing so we sold our house obviously short sale for less than what we owed. We paid that off over time. Didn't stick that to the bank or anyone to balance out. I got though mortgage company which was phenomenal work with me. They created a system for me and we paid off nearly dead repaid on the chain. The difference between what we sold the house for more. We bought it for every month. But we did it and that does it was written so now Reno things rough. I have a hard time there because at that time I had a job selling goodwill close on Ebay at that time so in Colorado here I would go on Saturdays. They had ninety nine cent days and I would buy a bunch of really nice clothes of the nicest things I could find for ninety nine cents a piece. I take it home and then I would listener on Ebay and flip it and then the next week I would go back and do the same thing and so I was doing that in Colorado. We moved to Reno the way that goodwill work there was completely different and I just couldn't get product at the price that was worth it for to sell it on. Ebay could flip it anymore right because everything was too expensive there so I couldn't do that again. Found ourselves me without a job. A struggling financially. We've got three kids and on top of that personally. I think we were both miserable in Reno. We were miserable and every time we moved it was for job promotion except for the first time we moved from Arizona. Colorado was truly a leap of faith and we used every last bit of savings to get us now. Every job was a promotion for me so these were a little bit better a little bit better a little bit of Reno. It took a toll on US personally. Yeah more than anything in Reno. We didn't know eighty-one there did know any of that area. The people were different than us. The churches there were different. We'd never really plug into a church that we felt like got us. Kim Can never really connect with the family. Met met one couple that go really loud. And you're still are still friends today. But Aymara it was just an is a weird trying time for Lindsay items also coming truly on. The heels of huge baby added three kit. You know now we have three kids you lose your mother at fifty three wants to house just lost a house and we're in a whole new place far away from family. You could lean on far away from friends that you could lean on in Colorado. Lindsey had her best friend here like we were a twelve hour car drive. I know it's a car dry but we were there to Arizona right. We just fell loss in. I think we started shutting down talk into China. During this time we were just trying to get through the day. Really really you want to tell the story about why we moved on from Reno. Yeah Okay so we were in Reno for two days shy of one year and I was with my employer for about thirteen years in two thousand twelve. This was in two thousand twelve house with twelve thirteen years in doing well. I started to progress in the career. Path was laid out in front of me and it was a great one. It was everything I wanted at that time. But they came to mean said. You're doing a great job at Reno. We're going to keep you there for five years. I knew what Reno was doing personal cost and it just was not sitting well so instead of telling Lindsey I just kept using every resource. I could calling in every favor to get out of Reno and nothing gets. If you're from Reno. Listen I it's just it wasn't a place for my family and I was struggling with this in one Saturday. Lindsay night took the girls to the mall. And there's only really one mall that time in Reno that we go to an in there it just the entire time. It just felt uncomfortable. Feeling tangible feels safe with my kids. I just didn't feel right. Both of our spidey senses. Say spidey senses so. We left getting in the car. I was putting into kids as shutting the door and I had been praying on this. I see this cab go buy in. It's just plaster with girls on polls Strip club Llosa's right and it hit me and it was my voice to tell me but it said you cannot raise your daughters in this environment. You're going to get out and you're GONNA do it today. Got In the car looked at Lindsay. And I said I'm leaving. I'm getting my job crazy. I was like what because if you know me or my family job. Stability is ingrained in tumor. The Moreno's from when you're born the Moreno's go to work get done you show fifteen minutes early. Stay fifteen minutes late. You keep it till you retire. Then you get your pension your company man. Yup We all have subscribed to that so I get in the car and tell Lynsey. I'm the person she's good at changes. She adapts well. I'm not so when she hears me saying Ham leaving this job after twelve years. Now that I'm finding getting promoted and recognized in getting the accolades that I've been striving for islanders these Daddy Daddy. Yeah because I like steady control that night. I submitted for five jobs within a week I heard bathroom to one of them was at job. I actually set my resume through Craig's list like craigslist in that ended up being the company. I went with short story. We ended up going through thirteen rounds of eighties. I get offered the job to Portland. Oregon and birth name can birthday September two thousand and thirteen twelve twenty twelve and I turn down. I say no. It's not worth it. I was like well. Then the end of the day they call back they actually offer me my drain position and it was a college president in Seattle Washington. A place we would love to move to. I was like but I had to go through. Begin reprocess again. So after nineteen rounds of interviews. I call in sick as I'm heading out to California. I meet with the CEO the CEO this new college amid reviewing four they informally offer me the position. I walk out again on the sidewalk and turn my phone on. I have a voice mail in forty me to call my boss's boss and that phone call was to inform you that I had just been laid off. This was Friday and they can come into the office. It will funny thing is I did call in sick. But I'm in California looking for another job. Thank God but Lindsey stressed for the next forty hours like I train for forty eight hours. I did like fasting. Prayer thing but show isn't in the room like I take. Hey if you shake my hand you say Gil at to bill you break that we're going to have problems. I shook the hands of seal and a CEO and said we have a deal. I felt confident but again right we had just been burned so many times. We didn't have enough money sustain without your if we go one paycheck cycle without money. We were toast again yet right and we have nobody like are out is no but social services are built in so Monday morning. The job offer came in. Oh my gosh. I never felt more relieved in my whole life. Don't you know they doubled myself when I saw that number? We what it was. It was one hundred twenty-five thousand his base salary and I thought we just won the mother fucking lottery arms like done. Let's not working in more. Girls could go the little ballerinas. Whatever the hell they want I got it. Now it's done from here. We are off baby all the work you put in I. Gotcha oh my gosh. I felt so good so within days. Were already packing up our house when we're moving to Seattle which we front the money for and we did not have. We didn't have the money to move ourselves so credit cards. We played with credit cards and then we had to track down paycheck earlier that are moving expenses. Early liquid drive to downtown Seattle to try to get moving expenses because we did not have the cash to move ourselves. And the pay the deposit for the next place like it just like when you're renting from place to place you have to put first month's and deposit down. I remember that means such a struggle. Such a struggle thousands of dollars thousands of dollars in and it was. It was rough hard but admitted there got to Seattle and in Seattle. Michael takes off like he gets to his job he starts. He's amazing it's where he thrives. I feel like you were sweet spot. We did a great thing in Seattle. We helped a lot of great people. We helped a lot of people get off the streets and a lot of veterans getting their mental health in order giving their physical health in order again them the job if it indicated get into some skills to get back out there on the street. And if you're in Seattle if you've been Seattle you know what I'm talking about in my parking garage. I mean I would have to step over needles. And it's not all a Seattle Seattle's amazing beautiful great people but there is a problem. There still been to know like you're helping. Some of these people changed their lives in their families lives. That's what meant to me. Yeah money was great for my family but the personal fulfilment I grew up with a mom that provided for a single mom worked at Taco bell cleaned hotel rooms to provide for her kids so me being the son of a single mom that struggled like that it gives me so much fulfillment fills me up with love to help others out and to get them off the street and to change another single moms or single fathers life in their children's lives and our families in the generations to come after that that's by loved working in education and he would go to work and leave all of his emotional capacity there right. There was a lot as you can hear. There's a lot of empathy for the people that that drive. I think that was your first real experience with extreme. Need that time like you had homeless students at times and I think that affected my goal in a profound way and so he would come home to us at the end of his workday and he was all out of emotion like it was all gone already left at work. And I understand that but I wasn't thriving as a stay at home mom at the time and that was when once we finally stopped having to worry so much about what money was going to take care of us we start to be able to shift our focus into other things that worry us and I had the privilege to finally decide. Hey you know what the stay at home mom thing. It's not doing it for me. I finally had the privilege to do that because that is a privilege. It's a privilege that not everyone has if you're constantly worried about where's the money? Come from. That's your most important need Ri- Werman shelter over my head. I'M GONNA feed my kids. Those are needs right but then as soon as those things are taken care of it. Frees you up to be able to kind of think about other things and other problems that aren't as a high priority and for me? That was my happiness during the day and so now we have the money and I started to feel unhappy. Money actually made me feel unhappy and it wasn't the money it was just what the money revealed to me. I couldn't escape the feeling as I was taking the girls to dance class doing the play dates and doing all the things that I thought MOMS were supposed to do. I finally just admitted to myself. Actually hate this. I hate all of this. I don't WanNa do it anymore. I am smarter and more capable and more competent than what motherhood is offering me. There's something more out there for me but I was ashamed to say it as I've watched all these other moms go and do it and actually love it and I was jealous of that and I was ashamed that I didn't feel that way because my kids are amazing kids. They're awesome they're easy. They're they're good freaking kids. Who are easy to parent. And I wasn't loving it and so at that time I finally had a business chase me down the road and I call a God thing. That business was a god thing for me where I kind of ran away from it for a couple of months because I was skeptical of it was an Mlm skeptic when we both had the sad explain sad experience that experience so so I started loving this product and then I thought that was an MLM product. I was really upset about it. I remember having a conversation with Michael about how I felt like. Oh that's not cool. She didn't tell me. I don't WanNa do this business. People are trying to push me into selling this. I don't WanNa do that. That's not what I'm here for right and so For a couple of months all I did was talk about what I was living on the product side and this business kind of formed underneath me and for me that was a god thing finally after two months. I couldn't run away from it any longer. The money started coming in and as soon as I saw those dollar signs. I realized this is the way that I can help. Our family change the way we live completely like not even a semblance of regular life and I had complete an utter confidence in the fact that Michael would be millionaires by the time the year was up and I would tell him that stuff and to be honest what it didn't go great. This is what I was here. You're not enough. Yeah and she never while bringing in right might ego. Let let me sit at my ego. Was telling me not Lindsey. Our Mike Ego was saying and Michael. You're not you're not doing enough. You're not providing enough. You're not giving enough. There's something missing because you were. She would it. Be Looking is asked rob exactly giving it your all at work. So what did I do? I was working extra before the sun came up to the pain down. I was traveling two weeks a month. I was taking phone calls. Where can Saturdays? I was canceling vacations. Separated US more treed more in Mortga separation because I was playing out in my head that she wants this. She needs to step up in some other form right. And that's the only way I knew because of the to this point finances have always been the number one issue and not arguments but just issued the black cloud hanging in our relationship. Our marriage was finances so I was like okay. Maybe we're still not there yet. And so I was just digging in and outing my hills in further and further. But we're fighting more and more fighting more and more but we weren't talk more communicating. Yep Yep so about six months down the road. I'm making good money at this point about six months down the road from when I first drew a paycheck on the product to when we had this conversation I was now making. I want to say nine thousand bucks a month irritating to me. It was was because it's like the ego was irritated by all means everybody yet. Who Doesn't want that? I get it? Yeah I sound like an with that made. It was just like man what I wanted her to have this. Stay at home life. I still thinking this is what Lindsey wanted to. Why is she sacrificing working this much? I was thinking she needs this much more. So Michael Doctorate Program starring Dr Program. Because I wanted to be the Dane CEO like yes. We're needed again. And that's what I my wife and my daughters deserved Yup. Yup and and truly the problem was is that I haven't communicated with him. I hadn't been honest with him. About how feeling what I wanted. So one night we went to dinner and it was in a neutral place like we have been fighting back and forth where some big fights some little fights we make fun of little jobs little comments here and there that are hurtful by her best every little comic created greater distance between us. Yes and think about it. We managed to get married by House lose a house. Have another daughter lose her mother. Get through all that while moving states and states in state but now we have a problem. Now we have a problem honey. Money revealed a problem. Wow Wow so I sit down with him and I come to the table in neutral time and place. We go to dinner. We're having a date night and I just flip over Napkin and I decided I'm going to go forward and tell him exactly how I'm feeling am. GonNa give him some facts about what I think this businesses can do because I need facts and I think that women should be coming to the table with men with facts and feelings combined boy. Yeah and there's some women though that need tracks and feelings Imax Analytical Person. I need to see like with everything going on the news right now. I don't care what you say. Shall we the actual data yet? I need statistics. I think women tend to be a little bit more driven and I think that's awesome. That's what makes us unique an amazing And so I think a lot of women come forward with the emotional. They WanNa talk about the same thing over and over and over and over and over again because we want that emotionally. Get the outweighing. That emotional release right and I had to do that with my guy was not giving him my emotions and I wasn't giving him the facts about what I knew. This business was going to do so. I did that so I did some math for him and I showed him. He looked assist the trajectory that we're on not only. Do I WANNA talk to you? About how much money that we're making. I WanNa talk to you about quitting your job. I want you to talk to you about you working with me because we're going to make so much money that we can finally do that and you can actually do the thing you wanted. Because you like. You've said what Michael really wants to be an amazing husband and an amazing father and in order for him to do that. He has to actually see kids and when he was working in Seattle. We were canceling vacations. And we were not doing that. He was seeing them for a couple hours at night or he was dropping them off at school in the morning and then missing everything in between. And that's not the kind of father that Michael Woman to be. Oh it bruce tears device just just thinking about it and I am unemotional. Person I do. Cry was raised by single mom and with sisters. So that's finding a bunch of ants around but my daughter stopped caring night would leave and come home on work trips. They would consistently run to my arms when I came through the door. Honestly it's been my dream for like six six like have kids run into your arms like do the sick the most heartfelt thing of love in it defined to me I mean a will for children and they just got so used to me not being there knowing that just comes and goes in. He's barely there. I was a non factor I felt like Dang non factor in their lives anymore and Lindsay's like I could give this not that was powerful. Mongolia's back on it wasn't to be like here Gotcha. It was like Michael. Chu was extremely worried and she should have been that. I was GONNA die at work at a very young age because I had my mom and my mom ended up dying of stress and I cared about my students and my staff so much that she thought I would stress myself into a heart attack and so she explained that the reasons away she was doing this. It was part of for her so she could have an outlet or I loved it up and let you know she created an awesome mom sorority. Out of this. You know it was great. It was fun but also the underlying was. She was doing this for her husband. She was doing this for daughters. She was doing this for filming and I was going through. The last six months thinking she was saying wasn't enough so we had six months and fighting down. Take it back. Yeah because it got us to where we are where we were. We needed those lessons. What bad communication can look like for years and then when it shows its head Yup went. How else focuses on the other side when you have that fight in all of the data emotional vomit thing where you just bombed up the stuff you haven't said if feels like shit to be on the person that says it and the person that hears it? Nobody wants that. And that was the product of us not dealing with our stuff was that we would just bomb it all over each other and they become enemies for a little bit and that is not how marriage were. Yeah we've go enemies radio silence. I have no. That's the tiny gotta talk like. You've gotta get through this stuff but you've got respect each other and you know what I've learned at the last year is the minute. I know that I was the jackass. In this argument. I call it out my success in the middle of the argument. I will stop. I can stop. You're right you just heard myself. I would just hurt. Yeah I I myself from your perspective. You're right I was. Outta line and then we could talk right there but you know what? I don't do what I had been doing. My entire life is saying. Oh crap. I'm wrong now. Let me GET LOUDER. Galyon so I could get right because I'm not going to admit I'm wrong. She's not GonNa Miss Wrong so we're going to just blow this up not talk to other instead of you know what? I'm saying is my. She's giving me three daughters. She knows everything I want her to know about me. Can I own up and say fuck up and you know what? It's only made our relationships better. She's like okay. You fucked up now. Let's talk about this right because there's so many times I see someone on TV. And I'm like Oh my God buddy you're screwing up your skirt and I'm like I know I do it but we don't see it when we're doing it. We see after the fact so once you see it you call yourself out. It's going to help so much with the tension and arguments in the communication. When you know you're wrong call it out. Even use started out thinking you're right. Yeah it sucks for the EGO. But Dylan's it and that's what she was doing is she was giving me back what. I've been praying for for these years but I was bringing the Uriel exactly what you're drawing. They're drawing all my fear near. And then I was making facts out of bullshit so if if she convincing myself that she was doing this because I wasn't bringing in another money and then I'm not smart enough. I'm not good at my job. She's doing this and so I would build all these false scenarios and turn them into facts to to play for my story right so I would just get internally more angry at her and I was sitting here but I was doing because I was like. It's fine for him to go and do what he wants to do but he just wants me to stay home and beat the little lady. That's a little bit and the thing is is that I built. That is a fact knowing my husband. I know that that's not the person that he is. I know that that's not the person that I married and yet I was able to convince myself so easily that it was because our minds are so power health. Our mindset is so powerful and until we had that open communication. We didn't realize what we're doing to ourselves. So business takes off. Were were now at this point where we're talking about Michael Coming to work with me and I'm like I'm drowning in business right now. I cannot do it by myself anymore. Businesses big and he's like okay. Let's set up some goals. Where if we can do that if we can financially we can make it work than than we're going to do that and so the goals were six months of our expenses in the bank. He wanted me to bring in at minimum twenty thousand dollars a month for three months with out my paycheck slipping backwards because when you sell an your commission based only and so he wanted to show that you want me to be able to show that it was legal and I could be able to continue to do that. Same thing over and over again. So that he didn't leave his job with security to come to this fly by night thing and then have that thing. Shut down or me. Completely blow it up or unlimited. Walk away from it or some crazy thing which I've known to do. That's that's me. I start a lot of projects and I don't finish them also. Why would he believes that would finish everything I don't know right. That was that's on me to explain to him how much it meant to me what I was doing it for so we finally do that. And then right away. The next month all of those goals we had set. We met that month so that was January of twenty fourteen and we were still in Seattle at that time. And I I just looked at Michael and I said all right did it. Here you go. Here's our bank statements. He was like Shit I showed you. I think I knew a little before banking. Yeah but I actually know she did the banking then because I actually had losing the home losing their jobs all day. Actually I stopped checking our bank. I couldn't even look at it. I actually still have a hard time logging into all of our stuff now. I don't like seeing. It gives me a lot of anxiety. So she is right. She did showing that it. And I'll be honest with you. I was not prepared. Yeah wasn't prepared. And so and so that was chain ury and so after months league in a two weeks notice maybe two week notice month. I left may twenty fifth. It was just another thing that I just. I didn't want force it. I had put a lot of work. It was scary. Today's campus the unknown scary. I had to start figuring out right. Insurance hold the small business stuff that the man there and yeah the boss like you know like I dunno boss man with no window and his office. It was awesome Seattle but anyways moving forward I guess not. He was talking about the job finally quit. I find also so I was sitting there at my sorry I was sitting there in my office and then literally one day in April it just hit me and I said what you doing like. I'm literally here every day. It'd be like as you're putting your. Did you put in your notice and I have my family at home. Debit could be with. What am I doing but I wanted to finish what I committed to finally one day in April it just it finally said Michael. You've done all you could so I called my boss. Said we gotTA TALK. Tomorrow and she knew she was not happy and we talked and I explained to her. I did not want to leave my campus until they found the right fit. And that was a non negotiable for me that I will stay on. Give them all the time. They needed to find the right person for this campus. Because I had built it specifically for my leadership style and we are thriving we one be only campuses in their whole system. That was winning awards. We were recognition department education. We were doing great things in the community so I stayed on finally made. They asked me to leave. I had to give them a deadline. So they said yes. Go ahead and we need to lead. By the twenty fifth I leave via stays the twenty fifth. It was a heart day. They still haven't found a replacement with Lindsay two weeks later the entire college bankruptcy and went out and it still kills me to this day that my former staff members think that I knew about it and that I knew what was twice and hook twice and it wasn't just because I listened to what I was asking for by. I asked the question I got. The answer listened and that's really what it was and so fortunate but it was another thing in my life thank God and Lindsay started this other business because the timing was so perfect if I would have been laid off. I don't know where I would have gone. The education sector private education at the time was cut throat. I mean there was a lot of qualified unemployed individuals. It would have been a battle again. I would have been back to square one in in that month's heavy that month of May I think was the first the first month I made six figures in a month. Yes it was so my paycheck. The month that he finally quit had climbed from twenty thousand a month in January two six figures by the summer and so we were sitting pretty for the first time we were not only saving. We were saving a lot and we finally were like. Oh my gosh. This House thing could actually happen along the way here. I started building side businesses off of this main one so then the main businesses. Kinda taking off. That's the one that spring in the six figures and I'm using that to kind of create something else on the side. I'm creating a marketing company. I'm creating a physical print company. I was creating a bunch of other ways to meet my people's needs as spin off businesses right and these kind of things that are just coming to me because they're reading needs not because I need more money. I did it it was because I found an opportunity to be able to help more people which in turn put more money in my pocket. It was an amazing thing. So that's why when people tell you it's not about chasing the money it's about meeting needs. They're being serious. That's the truth. The truth is the more needs that you can meet the more money you will make. That is just how this works. They need your product therefore you get paid to provide it and you should get paid leave. You'd let me be very clear about that. You should get paid. You're not here out of the goodness of our heart to do things. There are some people that are if that's your mission that's awesome. That is not most of our missions. Most of our missions needs to pay our bills at the same time right and so we built our house on that. We built our house in cash. The House that we live in now we bought in cash. We stroked a check for it one day and that felt so good afterwards. It felt good afterwards writing. The check felt very scary. Seeing the money. Come Out of our bank account was also very scary into a into a house that we own that gave us the keys in the deed alcindor. There is nothing that feels like that until we bought someone else's house that was pretty cool too so this business takes off. Were doing really well. We can live anywhere we want to. We moved to Utah for a little bit to be closer to the Home Office of the product that we were selling this business kind of starts to self run which is awesome. We've built it so that it kind of takes off on. Its and we have more time to dedicate to be able to help female entrepreneurs. Michael has already kind of explained to you that he's got this off spa for women. He was raised by a single mom. He lost his sisters. He has all daughters and he got me the only male presence in his life for his friends on our dog and he's kind of. It's kind of girly. Just leads US celebrity so we have a spot for women and I love women. I love what women can do. I think that we are under utilizing women in our culture in our neighborhoods in our society in our lives where we are underestimating. An under utilizing what women can provide an. I want what you have in your heart. Whatever product or service is inside of you? I want to be able to buy it use it. Help it to make life better. But I can't do that. If you stay scare or you say no boxster yet have to say yes to it. And for the most part you're gonNA say yes to it when your kids are home so I'm finally feeling fulfilled in my work so fulfilled that start to kind of like shut everything else out every other part of my life out and one day Michael has to sit you down. And say hey. I think you've become a workaholic. I think you need some counseling and that was two years to the day after I started my business. That was the day that we promised we would sit down which March twenty fifth. We decided we would sit down two years from the time that I started my business and have a conversation if what I was doing was working for our family than I would walk away from it so on that day he said. Hey look what you're doing is working. It's working too much. You're working too much. You need to come back to us like we need you now. Your kids need you your husband. I need you. Your friends need you. You're spiritually not taking care of yourself. You are physically not taking care of yourself. You're sitting at your office all day and it's not working. You're not giving sleep. Yeah and so this and now this is no longer working for me. You made a promise and therefore had to keep it and so that's exactly A counseling appointment that we can assert seeing a counselor and cutting back my work hours and being relieved regular on the Times that I work stopped working past five PM. I stopped working in our bed because I was taking my laptop to bed every single night. I stopped waking up at seven. Am employees my laptop onto my lap. And working I just really kept regular business hours and honestly with the right transition time it was time for me to kind of step away and start focusing on a bigger picture and the again this God thing. It's like God speaking to me through Michael and telling me this is no longer a path where pivoting here and so we did that and I started kind of focusing a little bit less on my business because that was kind of taking often it was self sufficient and I started focusing on. How can I help? People replicate what I've just done because when you can take the money problem off your plate you can start focusing on the other things and I want women to be financially secure and so I want to help women do that is. That's exactly we started doing. We started doing podcasts. I started writing a little bit more started looking for media ways that I could get out in front of people I started writing. Books got an agent. I started publishing my writing. I started focusing on my social media. I wrote getting noticed which was a little book. And then I actually got a publisher and wrote traditionally published book boss up so all of those things kind of spur from this place of pivoting from just focusing on this one business to be able to take that money that we had gotten from that business and use it to affect people a larger scale and so that's kind of what our mission is now and that's kind of where we find ourselves we. We live in Colorado in that same house that we bought. We purchased a house ten houses down for his mom and his Stepdad. Where they live and they watch our kids when we travel. It's the most amazing setup. Our Kids are home schooled. Their teacher comes here to teach them. It's not something that I am capable competent for or want to do and so therefore I am not their teacher travel. They travel with us. We have really great vacations at times. When other people are in school it works for us but our life looks different. In all ways our life looks different than average and so. I know this is a long winded story. We're we're an hour. I know this is long and if you've hung with us. I hope that you've heard some of the struggle that we've had and have been able to connect to your own because what we really want to do is now take these lessons that we've learned and break them down for you and show you how you can apply them to your life as you can see. We've done everything from be broke to be millionaires from having a business that fails to having a business that thrives without what it feels like even having to try we've gone regular. Es Vanilla Sex. Yes my lawing sex sex. Yeah we've gone from naming overweight to healthy like we have made a transition in all parts of our lives in to what we talked about kind of surface level. You're GonNa hear these stories again but we're going to dive deep. You'RE GONNA learn a little more about me. A little about Lindsay by came from grown up with a single mom and sister living in his mom's childhood bedroom that was a dirt farm in Arizona surrounded by trailers with Porter. We've all dealt with abuse. We both dealt with feelings of abandonment. We both dealt with feelings of having to raise ourselves. Am I enough of feeling like we didn't belong to the world that we grew up in? And so we're GONNA talk about a lot of the things. A lot of our childhood traumas that have followed us to adulthood and honestly the TRAUMAS that we created in adulthood that we still have to get through and route when they're adults right and then we just keep the cycle. Just end the cycle. This is was started. This podcast is Lindsay. And I've been doing some really hard deep work because it's like everybody gets to this point in their life when their kids are out of the House and they're retired that they're like okay now. It's time to work on me. But unfortunately there was damage. That because you didn't fix yourself yet that you put on your kids and now your kids are going to have to wait 'til barreled enough to fix their stuff right just like world. We're trying to stop that for our family. Yeah yeah if I could make our girls happy in. I'm sorry even oblivious to some of the world's hurts yeah that's fine by me because you know it's going to be out there anyways. When they open that door I might as well let them think everything is happy and sunshine indoors in that they're safe in their loved. Yup and we could deal with that stuff as long as Lindsay and teach them right. Give them the right tools. Bill Handel the world. No reason for my nine and eleven year old daughters to understand. What the heck's going on out there right now they can't do anything about it. So why get them all stress exactly entertaining so much of how to handle crisis from Moscow? All you're doing this painting account sir. Twenty Years Yeah Yep okay so now you've got have gotten our story you kind of understand where we've come from. We've kind of been through ups and downs in all parts of our lives. We've been through some really happy times. Some really low stuff and I hope that you will come back and hang with us for a certain amount of time each week as we kind of unpack different parts of our lives in the things that we've learned and hopefully help you to live a more happy and fulfilled life. And I'm just glad to get to do this with you. All right hope you guys enjoy the sorry our ten minutes stick with it. Think about this just kind of like. Hey you wanna get to know a little bit about her background. We asked often about our backgrounds. This is the best place for us to put it. So we love you guys and we will see you next time stay safe. Thank you guys. So much for. Listening to the boss of podcast. We are so excited to share our lives with you every single week. We hope that the content we produce treats in you desire to live more happy and fulfilled life. Whether that's for your health for your family for yourself or for your marriage. Whatever it's for we're here for it. Whatever you want me life. We want that too if you want more information about us you can find me on my website at Lindsey. Tm DOT COM or on instagram. My handle is at Lindsey teague and Michael Moreno. We would love to connect with you guys out in the wild so come and find us and feel free to email any questions that you guys have all right so episode to. We've made it through. I hope you guys enjoyed learning a little bit more about our story. We're GONNA play a quick three round. Would you rather and we will. Maybe get to know each other all right here. These these two are doozy. I won you know everyone's future and it's not looking good k. Or you have to hunt and publicly kill baby seals for sport. That's okay I know all the future and it sucks. You know everyone's future and a socks or I have to kill a baby seal no you when I do hunt and kill baby seals like that's what you do. I would be miserable during that. I'd rather know the future. I'll know it's GONNA be shit and I'll just deal within. Well she took one for you. Baby I just don't think I could do it ahead. I guess they're so cute pretty brutal man but I understand everyone's future I can still be fulfilled in no other other people's future man. I wouldn't sleep. I would just have to find the people that had a good future right. And would you rather were slutty? French maid costume whenever you leave the House or elderly people seek you out in order to die in front of you. Oh Oh that's brutal. That's just not cool. I mean I don't want to see anybody die in front of me for real every twirler people seek me out to die in front of me or I wear a French maid outfit. I mean I better get in the gym search. The Gym and I would wear that. French made up among. I'd even heard the word finally and finally the last question. Would you rather enter the hunger games with everyone in this group? This group my room. You and me you and I you and I in Hungary games that's definitely not gonNA K- texture friends every time you masturbate. I would definitely do that. I don't masturbate that often but even if I did I got nothing to hide cell. I would do that. My friends would probably be like okay. Thanks Hunger Games. Definitely not gonNA Hunger Games. You know the all of them do a suicide pact. There you go be awesome all right guys thing. We only one hundred games CA. I hope you guys enjoyed this a little bit. Better including my masturbate. Sketch talks Hugh tracks next week.
Finding "The One" with Maddie Poppe
"Honey your body is changing. Mom I know it can be awkward. But you need to use protection. Stop Stop like Air Wick. VIP Pre poop toilet spray. What unlike aerosols you spray air wig? VIP before before you go to trap Nasty Odor's in the bowl. This took a turn when I first met your father. He thought I didn't poop for three three years. Okay bye mom find Air Wick. VIP Pre poop toilet spray in the cleaning. I'll or on Amazon. This is the nationally. I almost famous podcast with iheartradio. Hey guys welcome to the almost famous. podcast it is Ashley Solo Ben Left Nappy. Yesterday I arrived in nap yesterday. We are doing this. Live from the cannery resort. It is stunning stunning here. It is like a little HDTV village it's amazing every house you've ever wanted on Hud. It's here in this little village and you can come and stay at it. I would never. You're in the NAPA area. We Are Napa for live in the Vineyard Music Festival. Averell Venus here. Kelsey Ballerini Merrin Morris whereas Adam Lambert which is probably my favorite in that rundown and many more so I hope to catch him. While we're here and later we will be interviewing karate. Poppy she's the winner of American idol. Two thousand eighteen and she's here performing at the festival. She met her boyfriend on TV. So I think we can relate over that we also have a couple of other great gas. We have Vienna Girardi. She's going to talk about her recent plastic surgery that we discussed a couple of weeks ago. Then we're GonNa have joined candle on. We're going to talk about their living situation. Now that they are living together. There's a couple of a year and a half. We are also going to have crystal stop by to talk about Demi and Christians break-up they were at their wedding. Thanks so I'd like to see if they saw some of their chemistry or how they felt about this quick bachelor. In Paradise break-up our guys well we are going to take a quick break before we get Vienna on the line and I think we're going to get a a little bit of emotional interview out of her so stay tuned. Okay guys I have got Vienna Girardi on the line. Welcome to the almost famous podcasts via. Yeah you it's the first time you've ever been on well. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much so tell us a little bit about your life right now post bachelor. It's been man. It's been almost a decade. Since it does nothing like it's been a long while that is mind blowing Do do you still see the effects of the bachelor on your life today. People still come up to you. Not as often as they used to But it still does happen. I on Halloween dressed up with a league is still had people recognizing me so I guess my my smile Kinda gives me away and has it affected your life overall like the way that some things will always get press and maybe your dating life you know the first few years after the bachelor were really difficult because it kind of affected everything friendships dating Even your career ending. It's hard people don't really take you to seriously When you're a reality star so it took me a good five years after the bachelor to kind of see a change in that It's still affected to an extent but not as bad as it used to When it comes to dating yeah I it was difficult because you never knew if people really dating you for the right? Reasons are not known. Same with friends Luckily in it's been ten ten years so I have a My boyfriend for two and a half years. We plan on getting married and having babies so love lengthwise. Is it going really good Friendship why they have a really really great circle of women in my life now which was hard to come by So that is something I just hold very dearly. As those friendships I have now And workwise I have my own recruiting company But as a change of pace starting to run a year ago and I'm also doing role state awesome. Yeah my real estate companies actually. Will you accept this home. Oh my goodness amazing. Where can people check you out? If they're looking for real estate and what Area W W dot accept this home dot com billboard up in Orlando. It was me holding a rose and it said his home had like the rose was kind of almost like the Disney Yom. I'M GONNA building a house so it was pretty pretty catchy genius marketing. That is amazing. All right so it seems like everything is kind of come together in your life. Which is I'm very happy for you? Especially since there was some rough years over there but I wanna know would you ever do reality. ATV again just went back and you did bachelor pad with your Ax. So I mean your risk taker in that department. Yeah you know. I'm not too big of a risk taker anymore Oregon. It's been many years since I've done anything On television you know related to reality. TV stuff breath. I think the probably one of the only shows I would even consider doing would be We're forever talking Saturday. A he actually soup freshman. Basketball players really athletic The survivor the amazing race. I would you amazing race. I think that that is a really cool show. I really do it. I don't even know if it's still on And at the end of the stars I wanted to dance stars always. I did get a chance to dance on it which is really fun but to be able to compete on. Dan's would be probably the only two things I would consider the competitive person signing to be on something where they like work toward winning something. I don't want to win a guy. Kinda lost not departed last one but you also loss weird. I don't think you were so you have already boyfriend. Can you tell us a little about him. How long you've been together? How are you met? We've been together for two and a half years. We actually celebrated our tier anniversary. We went on a trip to Europe for three weeks. which was I'd had never been so he took me to? My my grandparents are from. We visited his grandparents Bosnia. which is where he's from It was the Paris it was just. They couldn't have been more perfect We met though through mutual friends. We were out birthday party and kind of looking can at each other across the we were. It was late Party. And we're looking at each other in caught my eye and a friend of ours Kinda saw US looking at each other and she introduced says instead. Actually chilly youtube would be perfect together and she was right then together ever send. I remember going home that night and Moment mom I met the man I'm GonNa marry and she's like like what and I was like. Yes I met him today and he is perfect. I love those stories are the best. He's my into my gang. I'm you you know loud and Super Fun and I loved to be around people and he is in a calm in he keeps me level headed and he you you know he doesn't feel my crazy crazy. We just we balance each other so so well. It's really really nice. That's stone zone. Is You guys. Were talking about having kids in the future and you were very open a couple of years ago and you had a miscarriage of twins. They had twin transfusion. Susan Twin Transfusion Syndrome. which is when can you explain a little bit to our audience? Yes so there's a couple of different types of twins. They're twins that that have their own amniotic sac in have their own op. The center right in the percentage actually what feeds them as baby. That's where the nutrients come from. There's twins ends that share an annual EXAC and share a placenta. Then there's twins have their own amniotic sac but share a placenta. So that's what I had hat. So my girls were in their own separate bags rate but they shared a placenta. And sometimes what happens is Kind of explain it. So people can understand in his thing of like a vein going from the Placenta to the baby ray in that's providing nutrients t to banff eight. have their own. One baby grew a much larger vein vein so as peaking a lot more of the nutrients than the other twin was. So what happens. Is that when now grows a lot faster and bigger and the other one. It doesn't get as much nutrients in doesn't grow like it should grow so what happened was because the other twin grew so much bigger so much faster than the other one. My water are actually broke at five months ruling so I went into Labor man and fortunately they weren't old enough to breeze. Yeah so they were fully developed and four weeks earlier they could have survived. It's still Four weeks later for weeks is all they needed to be Scorpius older gap large traumatic thing I had to I had to deliver deliver one in the neighborhood. DC like gotta go in and they had to remove the other twin And I started going into septic shock after my water had broken. I'd I refuse to let them go because they saw heartbeat so about two days into it. They said you know there there. There's no heartbeat. So we have to. Do you have to give birth to one of these babies. We have to go in and remove. Because you're going to get really sick and I ended up getting really sick. I might see went up to like one hundred four orange just kept going so I remember dislike shaking. My whole body was just shaking in the nurses. Were literally just like throwing ice on me like bags of ice and I actually donated both my girls to research to help you know other mothers in them to learn you know why. Hi this happens. And so Yeah it's taken me A few years to kind of accept it his. The hardest thing is accepting recently. We had a fraternity fertility testing done To See if I would people to have you know babies again and as a week ago all my stuff came back to normal. Rats really really good news. Happy for you. Yeah so yes. I think we're going to start dying being has two or three and I want to now. Yeah Awesome Will recently you had had. You're pretty open about the plastic surgery that you had. It was time we talk right. No I had a body you know. What's funny? Is I read the US weekly and how of politically incorrect. It was okay. I had one procedure done. And what was that not in what I did was cut head body. SCOPE the body sculpting. We're basically they go into these little tiny incisions literally. The incision is the size of your Pinky Nail. Like the tip hip of your premiums. How little they go in? And they basically distill of released small amount of light bio so I had a pregnancy pouch in my lower stomach. Yeah so they went in there and they removed that eating fat I had gained in the you know they did a little bit on my arms back my arms and the center center of my legs behind my legs Kind of just made me look like I did before because during my pregnancy I was having a really hard time eating. I was starting to Latin so the doctors. There's literally like just eat. Whatever you just eat so I got into a diet ride breakfast? Every morning snack have lengthened Simpson another snack in the dinner. Then I wake up in the night and have peanut butter and Jelly Sandwich oriented. Sounds like a dream sicer gaining weight which is good. That's what I needed needed to But then after miscarriage my body was kinda still diets I kept so eating that way in the NFL. For the first year a year. After that I was really really depressed and I didn't WANNA work out. I didn't really go out. I just want to do anything like I. Just WanNa be this home by. I didn't WANNA be around. People is really really hard for me so Gaining weight. I gotTa pick one hundred and fifty pounds in just a you know on the show. I was one hundred twenty year merely. Yeah I so when people see me before the pregnancy everyone's like tiny personnel. Like I know. TV really does make us a very yard. Yeah so I just wanted that little bit of weight you know taken off just y kind of could look in the mirror and not feel that loss anymore. It's really hard every single day I would get up. I don't get ready and I'm looking at myself in. Every time I looked at my body I I would think to my girls and it just became this pain. Cain every single day and I needed to not feel that anymore so I can recover and I can move past it himself. That's very are now. You have you obviously were kind of. I don't WANNA say force to be honest about the miscarriage but since you did deliver them at five months and you you had already announced that you're pregnant you had to be honest with the following about it but there's a lot of taboo. I did a whole abner. PODCAST called I. Don't get it and we did a whole. I don't get miscarriages. And all the taboos that come along with and kind of how women feel ashamed that you know you can't even announce your pregnancy. I'm Angela three months because of a risk of it made you know fall apart. Is there anything that you WANNA share with our audience about just women and how frequent miscarriages are and how they should be able to talk freely about it because so many women go through it. I think it's one in ten. What is it one in five women will experience it or something like that Something pretty close to that. I think The crazy number is one in five pregnancies. Ended miscarriages Oh that's set. That was the one and five pregnancies will discourage most miscarriages do happen within the first first month that for three months usually to have a miscarriage of five plus months is pretty rare. And you kind of see those in very rare situations Zeno with twins especially I knew I was highest alrighty but it is taboo. You don't hear people talk about it. Women do feel ashamed of it which they shouldn't. It's not their fault. That was one of the main reasons why I wanted to open up and talk about. It is because when it happened to me I felt so alone I so she didn't know what to do and it wasn't until it happened that my mom started opening up about her miscarriages and I was eight I was a rainbow baby from my mom. My sister was baby so my mum had actually had a miscarriage before me several after me. But you didn't know oh I you know. I knew she had had a miscarriage. I didn't know to the extent of the night in a win. Lee Happen. Didn't know much about it. You know 'cause you talk about it so I learned earned that she had had some long miscarriages. That happened months down the road which was pregnant that she had some Happened early on but she she had she had experienced the pain on through and You know hearing her talk about it. It made me feel if he made me. I feel safe. I didn't feel ashamed anymore. I felt were comfortably. Talk to her about it. And then after that you know there was other family members and really good friends of mine because you the first couple of weeks after it happened. I was in bed rest. I didn't talk about yet. It wasn't until after you know I I that I wrote the post in announced it was literally the shelves had just been posted with a magazine about my gender So my close friends and family knew about it and people started opening up to me in talking to me. It blew my mind that some of my best friends that I know everything about had never shared it with me or share them with anybody or family members had had these miscarriages. They don't talk about it and I I didn't understand is why don't why don't we talk about this between each other. Go because is now that we are talking about it. We all are feeling a human like we feel like we are healing finally And I think even with my mom talking about she felt like after thirty years. She's finally now healing and a lot of things especially with pain. We can push it down and you do one thing. I did talk to therapists for a little while. And once they say is when you push those feelings down the bad feelings right they actually really create you. suppressant good feelings numb and they create this a very like hotcakes. Played it They just make you very numb to anything. Good bad doesn't matter And you don't want that to happen. So she says the buses do talk about it. It is talked about any of that. Sounds so cliche but it is talk about it and so I knew being in the public eye. I had to let people know what's going on. I remember in in the hospital or not in the hospital. I got out of the hospital. I was still getting text messages and messages through fans telling them congratulations. I'm looney no. I had a couple of my girlfriends who had sent me at sea jets for for me that I still haven't opened. I still have them. They told me they thought about miss. Schiavo don't open the packages. You know we set you keep them save them. You will be among one day and when you became a mom opener presence for you so I still have those wrapped up. Never looked at him and don't even know what they are. So I knew I had to come out and I had to talk about it and when I did the amount of support and women win. Who reached out to me and told me about their own stories really? It was really sad but all of a sudden I had this this circle of women who we could support each other in lean on each other and talk about things and there was also a lot of really positive stories. There were women that would talk about their miscarriages another rainbow babies that they've got three kids now and so then it created this adjust overflow of hope for me any any realize it's not the end of the world. I know the socks hurt hard. Guess what I'm still GONNA be able to be a mom day whether I have my own baby or an adopted baby. I'm still going to be a mom one day. So having those women apart in my life. really was what helped me pick myself back up in going. I'm so grateful for you for sharing. That and I think that so many other people need to be as open about it as you because it does help that healing process and I I just want to leave by saying that the next time. You're on this podcast. I hope it's you talking about your Rainbow Babies. I really do. Oh come on if you want to talk about the Babes. Well you know. We're in the process of China. But not like you kinda how to pull the goalie but you're not doing as much effort as they require possibly. We're not planning it out yet. We're not preventing from happening. Kind of food. Yeah So if it happens I think we'll be really happy now but I think that sometimes when you put too much pressure on that actually prevents you from getting pregnant right so we are now us you know just letting it away. The Roy Yeah we we know. We've discussed their the options and we've discussed adopting Which is definitely something we'd be open to? I even told him. Even if we have our could still be open to adopting Then I mean carried him adopt a baby. You know. I'm okay. Adopting a toddler. You know. I'm I don't know I just want children really bad all right. Well we really. We hope that you have that. You're so sweet. I I've loved getting to know you over the past twenty minutes or so like I just wish you the the very best. You're so sweet. All right well thank you for joining us for the first time on the podcast and we hope to talk to you again. Yes I hope that it is with some good news next time. All right bye thank. What's the difference extreme people who prioritize self care and those who don't is it finally fitting into their skinny jeans is Vanity Superior Willpower? You're a big fat bank account at Mind Body. They know it's none of those things mind body understands that true wellness onus comes from a focus on the journey itself the fifty minutes punching bag instead of scrolling on instagram. The Yoga class shared with a friend. 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Plus their exclusive savings for people in the military and veteran's you'll only find sleepnumber at one of their six hundred sleepnumber stores. Nationwide find one near you at sleepnumber dot com slash. Ben Okay. Well that was an amazing interview. I really liked her. And you know I have some other people that I really like in the room and Jo and Kendall before we get to talking to them got to thank seen dating scene dating being has brought to you. These special NAPA episodes of the almost Emma's podcasts. Seen gaining is a new approach to online dating scene dating is the next generation dating APP that offers complete transparency to men and women looking for the perfect match. Transparent deigning means a new innovative and honest approach dating which allows house singles and opportunity to match on human connections and chemistry. So let yourself be seen and enjoyed the safest most positive and respectful dating hitting environment ever created all right Kendall in Joe last time we had you guys on it was July and you were kind of settling in your new place together. How's it been living together? It's been great. It's been five. Are you going to ever say anything other than that. It's been great. I mean gene. Well that's one. I guess the only thing you fight I mean we get in fights every so often we're professional arguers arguers. That's how it is when you get to this like a year and a half into a relationship. Yeah there's a lot more bickering because you're so comfortable with each other that you don't keep any annoyances in. Oh No yeah. We're really open with each other candles. A she's she's good arguer so yeah it does me crazy. I can't. I'm the kind of person that this is not. Okay Joe six so. I'm the type of person that I if if we're fighting I can't go to badge Joe's always the bigger person. I'm so stubborn. What I do is like I'll I'll I'll leave the room mm-hmm I'll go? I'll go into Dan and then I'll be like I'll be sitting there and I'll be fuming far late I'll kick the door open bag any sensible true. It's funny I feel like I over. I analyzed conversations and like I remember every detail of it so you know it's it's hard. It's hard to escape me being right. That's I've been I've been reading. Joe Has Been I think two times Joe I think Holly Ali over late with me in a way like sometimes I'll say something and jared. We'll pick it like. He is so specific about word choice. Okay that is he'll interpret he's like you said these words together that was not the connotation that it was like you know I didn't I mean that that's what you said and I'm like are you kidding me so I feel like Kendall's the exact same way we're gonNA analyze. I'm like what contentious. Yeah the engine. I'll be proving a point in the chill bring back like what I keep saying it and I'll be like all right. I said that and I didn't we've been what I just said. You know. I feel like we just need to be more open about especially since we're in like these is public relationships where everything that they see on. INSTAGRAM is pretty. I'm not like I don't think you need to go and insert it'd be like our relationship isn't as wonderful as it seems so you this interviews. It's fun to be like. No like a horse. Yeah not fluffy in pleasant in our house all the time. Exactly I mean we we we get along go along the easy for me to say it's pretty pretty fluffy. I don't think we've had an argument. But it's it's coming out. I'm I'm GonNa tell you. What if he were traveling traveling so tomorrow? We're going to depend. Yeah Japan I don't know I don't thank you ads when this was recorded. They're going to Japan easy fix but we're going to be doing a lot of traveling. They were going to Chicago for Thanksgiving the first time. I'm actually going to JOE's families in Chicago for Thanksgiving and for Christmas. What are you doing? Joe Is going to be come in. Come into my place. I switch often do. La for Christmas. I may stay in Chicago Christmas Eve and then fly out in the mornings. 'cause he we're in L. A.. All the time. He doesn't get to see his family as much. So but that's different news with us. We have both East Coast families once one once for the other. His parents are going to our plays as for Thanksgiving now. That's really. It's really the inlaws get along so well that's great. It's a blessing but I was like but for Christmas. I don't get my parents was. My Dad. Asked to work the day after. Okay so is this fair. Break up all right anyway. Let's go back to your trip. You're going to Japan Dan. You guys argue more when you're in in travel mode no after after the four weeks of traveling being together. Yeah well. We're together all the tags xactly together all the time. There are like stressful times when traveling especially in a country that doesn't primarily speak English and trying to not knowing learn how to navigate the buses the buses of the subways or anything like that. So you know stresses will be hi. I'm sure that'll yeah. Yeah I know I. I know not to get into Joe's way when he chooses restaurants. Joe Controls the food winter. I've plan that plan. The Joe is uh-huh trip. Talk about what you were telling me last night with the Alon Recommendations you guys all know Alon the former executive producer of the show. He's a massive foodie crawl. Oh him at Is it food of a lawn along on instagram and He goes to Tokyo or he goes to Japan three times a year. Just to eat you guys like he likes the culture and all but he will like Mako a last minute reservation like flights and reservation if he can get in in somewhere just to eat and then he'll fly back like forty eight hours later. It's nutty well. It's so it's so difficult to get into these restaurants you need for so he gave me like twenty thirty recommendations. The nation's and I couldn't get into like fifteen of them because you need sixty days advance. It's crazy Japan. They don't Brown they're like. Hey if you need a reservation. Yeah I don't I don't think you could just walk in. What are we looking forward to eating? She'd doing well. I mean obviously Sushi. Roll I I'm not a big role. Got Cut pieces okay. The fresh salmon. I'm all about that Zaman. I'M GONNA I love Salmon. Joe's Williams Ituna I I think you're either a salmon personal at Tuna Pearson. Juniper I take tuna over salmon. Oh yeah I I think salmon over to lose a lot. She's doing salmon. The I don't think there's a lot of salmon in Japan. That's like the main fish. No I don't think so. Seems like an American fish. Yeah Yeah Okay. So what are we going to do over there. And then we will we have Rahman then. You have like the traditional Japanese sandwich which is like they do on white. Yeah it's yeah but like with Wagle beef that's going to be really good and then there's a pizza place that Alon actually recommend to meets a place they say it's better than Naples. Italy like woke soon so good. Well it's called like Pizza I. I can't pronounce it but it's called pizza. Joe Remember how hard you're with interviews when you were first and Newbie on the franchise S. Oh Yeah talked about this. Hi now you just can't shut up. I remember I remember like it. I like it. I remember like you were one of the first people to interview on the red carpet right and you're like so how how's it going. I'm like it's good. I must've been your first set of like in person I was I was low key like really freaking out. It wasn't that I didn't have a personality was just I don't know how to use it. That looks uh-huh maze excess food to see this picture all right nice us all right then. You told me last night that you're GONNA do. Some Mario Kart thing lowly cart so you can actually drive one of the Mario Carson dress. We want to dress supposed characters so I think I'm going to be. I see I'm not as a lot about Mario Kart. I think I'm GONNA be a mushroom. I dress dress up. Yeah so that should be fun and there's also in Kyoto. There's an island near Kyoto where you can go. Oh hang out with a bunch of deer and they have like hedgehog cafes. We're GONNA hold a hedgehog while eating drink eating or drinking coffee that make really good coffee out there. There's a lot of spots I want to go. I feel like Japan is a place of people who are like they specialize in things. You know what I mean. There's so much passion and dedication to a specific field and it's passed down through generation to generation so I have a lot of admiration for like how like like perfected. They are at each individual category category. Of what I mean food I think marriage categories categories. Because like coffee. It's taken very seriously Sushi's taking thank you. You've been salt. There's there's like a restaurant that they just kinda showcase salt and they have soft serve ice cream and you make ice cream concordant. They sprinkle like a different kind of like sea. Salt on their looks real okay. So I've decided that we're going to go on a couple's trip together. Yes and I want Joe Oh to do all the food and I want to go on a trip so I know. I've complained about this multiple times on the PODCASTS. I'm sure but jared doesn't have this passion for food that I do you and it makes me like really sad. I didn't I really I didn't I would usually just eat the same thing every day. I would make like rice and vegetables and that's and I'd be happy abuse that but JOE has opened my eyes up so much and now I find myself getting more and more boosie because Joe I got really talion trip after yeah honeymoon changes how you feel about Pasta for sure I go to Italy. I just brought up at Italy now. Fresh Pasta stuff. uh-huh yeah okay. I would love to do this to you guys when you vacation. And he went to Europe together last last year. Do you feel more bonded ended after those trips. Oh definitely you go through a lot. Do Europe is great too. I mean we just walked everywhere and just exploring and trying. AM Sudan Amsterdam together. Don't tell you what's the space a little a little second-lowest Komo isn't gonNA edible cake with a little bit of marijuana. Now that's fine. It's legal but it was one of the most hilarious experiences. Says I mean I do. I do Incur encourage people people to age to try it. Yeah it was. It was pretty well. So I'll tell this is something for the Monja assets. We talked about here before because we're pretty. PG and squeaky clean. But jared and I have both never smoked. Pot had an edible anything like that and I kind of I keep telling him now that it's legal. I don't feel like I breaking any law like let's just do it together once it'll be fun and we'll just do apartment or is locked doors lock and he'll do really but I'm not GonNa do it without him like yeah we do together or we don't we don't do it at all. Yeah I agree with you. Should I mean it's it's not that it's a different perception of reality is what it is. Yeah well jared paranoid in general like he's paranoid and scared of pretty much everything so I don't know that he's going to have the best thing you don't feel comfortable with it and you feel paranoid going into it. Then it's not the paranoid in general I can only imagine I'm paranoid person but when you go to these stores now especially in La you could tell them like. Hey Listen I get paranoid. They'll give you a strand. That doesn't doesn't make you paranoid her as paranoid as regular we'd would call so all right well to wrap this up. I wanted to talk about the scene APP for a second. You guys talked a lot about it with Ben. I'm a little bit unfamiliar with it. Can you tell me Eh. What you've learned in the last podcast so seen as we're actually really excited to be a part of it it's about it's about transparent dating what I mean mean by? That is that whenever you match with somebody. All all of your messages and video chats are public for everybody to see so everybody else. That's on the APP consumer see your conversations and see your video Chaffetz cleared. Its yes it is weird but that's why it's fun. It's definitely fun. I guess you're going to be very careful about what you say. It's not gonNA ever get creepy. Which is why it's the safest that's the point? Four people that actually want to date for serious daters. Yeah and it may be scary. If you're shy once you overcome that you step out. What does it Kendall edge of of your comfort zone life begins with your face hang out more because our guys are both the exact same sarid is obsessed with his comfort zone and I've always telling him that quote in the magic happened outside your comfort zone without that Circle Demonstrate Diagram of they have but even more love love? Your you love your comfort zone. no I don't mind I think you've gotten since Joe's broken out of his comfort zone so many times in the past ask years every year twisted to dancing with the stars ultimate non comforts out. That was it. I mean for me. Yeah I had like doing that. Show something I wasn't good at. I was so uncomfortable but you know what you do it. It's like yeah it's just three now you know and one thing we can talk all the time. Yeah we've got the stars. He would love it he loves perform. It's such a great experience and all everyone that's a part of that show is just so so great to work with. Have you been watching Hanna. Yeah Yeah we actually went to the show last week Halloween show. Yeah Yeah it was awesome. I think she's doing great. I know I think just got voted off Portugal. It got voted Promo. Yeah but but yeah to bring it back to the prepacked. Hannah get on the scene as I mean I feel like I feel like one thing. Is that being a bachelor nation. You're no stranger to having a public relationship for everybody to see every step the good and the bad of your relationship and I can speak for Joe and I felt like our relationship got so much stronger the more transparent it was and the more that we shared it with everybody and so we found strengthen that with each other other and so I think that's the reason why we're talking to Mike. He's the founder of the scene up and he initially wanted to create like a reality. TV show out of it and so oh he was talking with us and we had this idea of spreading it to allowing like so many people to have this experience with dating and it brings it back. It's like the traditional form of dating to in a sense. Yes and you also do have the option to go private and you can meet some of your really into it so then you don't stay on the APP happens you go do your own thing in the real world. Yeah exactly all right. Well the formal explanation of the scene APP is seen. APP is the next generation dating the APP for online daters fed up with fake profiles and time wasters scene is the first and only dating experience at offers. Complete elite transparency men and women looking for the perfect match transparent dating means a new innovative in his approach to dating which allows singles who are serious about dating an opportunity to match on real human connections and chemistry and that means more real connections. So if you're tired of relying on a contrived profile and a set of my work like me but not quite like me pictures Scene reveals a potential partners. Complete Personality Charisma Charisma. And lets you choose. Let yourself be seen enjoy the safest most positive and respectful dating environment. I've recreated all right guys. Thank you for joining me things for explaining scene and have fun on your trip to Japan. I can't wait to hear about the food. Oh yes we will sure Yup okay great. I'll be looking out for those and also for the pictures of you guys. Being Mario Kart. Thank you for joining me here. On the almost podcasts. I'm sure you guys are tired of being here but we appreciate you every time. Oh No we love being here all right bye. Hey everyone I'm Jonathan Shokrian. The founder of Meoni's DOT COM Meoni's launch eight years ago on the promised to deliver the world's most comfortable underwear for men and women in an industry known for pushing unattainable beauty standards. I wanted to create a platform for self expression Russian where everyone could take part exactly as they are today. We're celebrating twelve million pairs sold in over one and a half million customers. Me undies uses micro fabric which is a full three times softer than cotton. We have everything from classic and bold colors too ridiculously fun prints you can match your significant other undies socks and amazingly soft lounger even match your best for baby with our buddy bands we offer sizing from extra small to four xl. And if you're not totally impressed your first pairs on us on top of that. We're offering twenty percents off your first order with free shipping. Just visit me undies. Dot Com Slash founder. That's me undies dot com slash founder. It's new TV time. And Hulu has all the shows I love to binge. I like Empire Grey's anatomy. This is us so many Benjamin favorites in Hulu has them all and you know what else who has a really really great low price plans. Start at five ninety nine a month five ninety nine a month. That's five dollars and ninety nine cents for who that's pretty incredible. GO TO HULU DOT COM and Start Start Your Free Trial Hulu has the TV that you love now. We have another wonderful bachelor. Alum Gas your bachelor lum now. Katie Morton Waza. How does that feel like you're done? You're engaged so like you. Well if it doesn't last then then you can go on another show. We don't want to be the situation so it's going to stay. You're just going to say let's just say I'll say alum for life. Okay I like I feel I feel like it's a relief. Amazing I made it our. I have a list of rapid fire questions for you because Ben went and he did a whole serious serious convoy with you in the last episode. Heck yeah he did. Did he get dark. Who I am? Maybe I did well. We're going to Belitung Fund right now with the Katie rapid fire which is apparently my specialty. I think you get to know somebody just as wealthy rapid fire as you do deep dark combos. Perfect okay Your first your favorite physical trait of Chris's Dang his hands. His hands hands down unexplained describe like Manley hands. I like the nail bed. I liked the how big they are. I don't know man something about those hands understandable Sandra. What was your first impression of Chris in two words First Impressions Watery Pretty? WHO's this WHO's this? That's that's good. That's worse impression. He's hot. who was the person or persons that you told the producers that you want to ASEAN Paradise? ooh I said I want a Silver Fox. That was exactly what I said. I said in my intro so then well I got one a a silver Fox re talking about anyone in particular at one point I thought and I think I said this on the podcast before Peter Krause acas like. I don't know there's any other silver foxes. There is computer. There's a Rachel's whole season. I felt that there were older guys. Yeah it's probably the last one Auger guys Okay looking lookout for Rachel's peeps You mentioned to jared during help is like a dating that you encourage basically you go watch. TV We all day long on the couch and then go to dinner and those are your visits with each other. I love what was the last show. Was this show that you binge-watch u.. You've been watching anything or do you watch TV. It was called fractured. And I scared I was scared. It was called fractured. It was really a mind. Is One of those mind mystery movies where you don't I really didn't know what was going to happen at the end and that's one movie that I can say actually got through because I really wanted to know what was going to happen. I was on the edge of my seat but I hated that he was leaving the next day because then I want to be switched. I walk into my house with my fingers shaped like a gun like who's pair. We'll see you scary breaking I did you okay. We'll talk about that I am. It was the day I was supposed to leave for paradise. Oh my God yeah. It wasn't It was a someone who is homeless and on a lot of drugs so luckily it wasn't someone who was a fan or anything like that. I know people were worried about that. It was someone who wasn't in their right mind and that was really scary for me. I was supposed to be home. But by the grace of God I was not not he went into my room knocked all of the stuff that I had packed. For Paradise onto the floor. had trashed my house. Put a lot of aquafina bottle labels this on. My floors stuck them like a puzzle weird creepy. Did I hear something about like him. Dancing yes so my neighbors. He was like screaming the L. Ing my neighbors saw him. He was smashing vases outside and he was apparently dancing around and dancing in my house. I guess the police came in and got him. He had tried to take four dollars from me which was sitting right next to my macbook pro. He took the four dollars and do it in the Bush angrily. That is just what I heard. It didn't take the MAC didn't take back. He was like. Screw this MAC book pro. I want four dollars and then I want to get rid of it quick. That's when you know he's not in his right mind. Absolutely you you kind of alluded to the fact that you got through fractured the movie idea because you often a fall asleep while while watching movies with Chris yes what what was the last movie you fell asleep during. That's a good question because typically I can't even get to the first line of the movie. I'm not kidding I am. I am so as soon as the movies on. Chris turns the lamp off and as soon as the lamps off. I'm off the lamp. Goes off in my eyes shut and and I try so hard. I think there's part of me that you know how you're almost like half asleep music. Are you sleeping. I'm like no get up really. I'm not sleeping. I get really defensive about. Yeah I know back down and I and I'm sleeping again. I do. I like I wake up and I lied to him. I'm not sleeping at all. What are you talking about? Get off my back. I again sort of defensive and embarrassed to when I keep falling asleep during movies because we just can't do it anymore right. Eileen no even if it's like relatively early like seven thirty or something midway midway through it'd be like I'm so cozy and just like so then about falling asleep movies so comforting. It's so nice but I don't know why I get defensive in Delta I tell him I'm not sleeping so funny okay. So what did you guys do after you go go and fall asleep on the couch or you watch TV. What kind of restaurants do you usually go to lately Italian? Okay which I never used to go oh to I never ever went to so interesting. Go to relief in my family in with jared to. Oh yeah a a lot of and it's also really romantic. I was a big. I would always go to Mexican restaurants but he. Chris likes fine dining and and the only reason. I don't like it because I have to get right. Sometimes you gotta get ready. But then once I'm ready and stuff I love the experience And the Italian food that I've tried a lot of the times we went to some really nice Italian places in New York when we were there and in Chicago. And it's so beautiful in a a lot of the Two of the restaurants we went to. We got to see them. Make Pasta in front of us which I thought was really really cool. I have a suggestion for your next date night because since I went to Italy. We've I've become a food SNOB and I just get fresh organic Imported Pasta from Italy. So when he comes to visit you in. La Go to Italy get all the imported things like make dinner together and what I craft now in our kitchen to me is better then what we go out to get really. Okay Cool Arcadia my last question for you because you dress so well in paradise and you're dressed so cute right now in front of me. Where is your Goto place to shop show memo every time? Okay Shamir. May Ohio closed that you can go out in and they also have really lounge Anji clothes I like wearing oversized things because then I can Eat more so mood. Amazing my kind of girl all right. Katie thank you so much for participating in Ashley's rapid fire. That's the way I'm going to say from now rapid fire next up. We'll have crystal amazing. Thank you thank you it. Tis the season to elect to benefit through your workplace. Most people know open enrollment as the decision in time for healthcare coverage do that as a reminder that I have to do this over Thanksgiving break something I do with my dad every year. Okay that's bill but it is also the perfect moment to reassess your life for insurance needs as well another thing. I should probably go down at home at Thanksgiving. Thank you so to properly provide for or your family. Most people need ten times the life insurance coverage than what they get to their jobs which means that your employer life insurance is leaving leaving you under insured. That's where policy genius can help you policy. Genius is the easy way to shop for a life insurance plan. That's not tide your job in minutes. You can compare quotes from top insurers to find your best price wants you apply the policy. 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Have I want to bring in my friend Crystal Nielsen. She's been on the podcast a ton lately. But I figure it's and she's up here Na'Abba as Maynas. We'll get her opinions on on the hardest of all bachelor topics in the past couple of weeks and that has been the break-up of Demi in Christian hey girl high all right so were you expecting to see the end of Cricketing Debbie. You know I want to say that I was really I remember at our wedding Yeah I've that's where I was the first time that I heard that they were dating eating the same sex relationship and it was the first of history for the bachelor that was televised and publicly known. And we you don't know what dozen the vast that I've heard I've heard through the vine. Yeah there was notorious bisexual is actually I think like Jamie was one ever hook up with somebody from the show own. Not that I'm aware of from the show. Oh she wasn't you know she was a regular person. Yeah if you will but I will say going back to your question was those first. I'm hearing about a same sex relationship and it was actually early on my wedding day right now and I was like what the whole time I was like. How is this going to play out on my mind was frigging blown for like a solid thirty days like your mind blown because she was able to bring on someone? Don't running the world whole whole thing. It was just something I did not see coming and that it was someone that wasn't from the show that they've been dating prior to filming. There was just so many Areas around it that were so out of the norm but I will say watching it unfold. I thought it was really beautiful. How it really came to be? Yeah I I mean they were so rude -able during the season the law was definitely there. The feelings were palpable. Yeah I think that really seeing Christian just felt so authentic to me. I really liked her and I was. I was really rooting for them. But coming off the show I remember saying like when we were there at reunion at the final taping. I was like look. There's a lot of pressure that comes of being a bachelor couple. I'm sure as you know. And they're all very young and this is very new and they are dealing with a lot of hate a lot of pressure a lot of exposure and and not to mention Demi was just figuring out if she what her gender preference was in a relationship so I think it was just probably a lot to deal with and process yeah I think it was a give a giveaway that in the past mother so there had been no instagram content content of the two of them on help on Katie had actually said that. She doesn't WanNa post photos with Chris because she she feels that it'll lead on the audience. SORTA she's like I'm not gonNA pose until I feel one hundred percent solid with you so I think that's like very much sure and and authentic so I'm demi obviously wasn't just posing pictures with Christian for the likes but Yeah I think that was a give away a little bit on a rough road yeah. I think that there's just a lot of I mean of of course if you don't see couples together especially coming off of a show when you really being celebrated like that is your time to get the love get the support and be proud of your relationship especially because they were really setting history that I was really surprised. I haven't seen any interaction them together. So I think it makes sense and I wish on the best. I think that they're just figuring it out. And you know who you should really interview is Christian. I would. I would love to hear a her perspective because nobody's been pulled into world like she was o talk about flipped upside down. I mean just the magnitude of it. I would love to talk with her. Be So goodness oh good. Let's book her right right in. Our next episode message would be amazing so yeah I mean. I can't say that I am surprised. Surprised just because of what the lack of what we've seen lately but it's sad it sucks. I was rooting for them. Hard it was to. It was really fun to watch Sir relationship. But I also had this pondering question that is kept thinking of during the season and after their engagement I was like if they were to have continued to date in real life over the summer would they have ever gotten engaged. Yeah I think I mean honestly a lot of couples and I didn't give Chris and I would have met in real life after sake. It's basically like every cup horse. Yeah not environment where the listeners. Who Don't know you know I'm sure you do because you listen every week? Right well say the Vodkas no like from the knowledge perspective but they can't know from the emotion. Yeah you are just you're supported in such. It's your way especially for Chris and I I mean you are just hand. Almost hand fed this amazing support of this relationship to blossom and thrive and like everyone's behind you. Everyone's rooting for you. And I mean it's an incredible feeling. Honestly I mean it really is and you find yourself in these situations is where I mean. When jared came down actually was were there? It was actually a memorable day in our relationship. Okay so why was that a big day in in your relationship with her so after you guys got engaged all the producers pulled all of us to have like important conversations -tations about you know haven more than with your paradise or do we since relationship going. Do we see ourselves getting married. Ing Kids and Chris and I decided that night to Going to the boom boom room for the time time and for those who don't l one camera instead of twelve all right and what do you think the camera person not the cat person but I guess the person in the Control Room. Do you think they watch horse. They watch it we we could see the following us and really. Yeah we were kind of into it. Okay it's kind of like that. We're doing exactly hopefully later never do. It won't get out as I got you under the covers right under the covers. No the other balcony Ashley but under the washing everyone campfire. You were watching everybody. We were there you had the windows windows polls the current so be in the room all the way at the very top which has is a beautiful room with an open. There's no windows totally opened the. Yeah Yeah that oh I thought you were talking about the other boom boom room. That has like a little bit of a curtain known. We are okay all the way up top of the tree house so basically anybody. Anybody could walk in to like go get some snacks and their refrigerator. No we were at the very top. I know but that doesn't have door anything. It doesn't matter the minute they could not see you getting back in the refrigerator. I will say that that night was an amazing night tonight an amazing night and it just happens to also be the day that you got engaged. It was like three weeks. Did yeah waited well. There was a lot of built up. You know like we were ready. So what made you so. Thank you Ashley. Inspired the romance. You did Oh my God thank you conversations. Why did you that and not wait for the fantasies I you know? I think we just didn't know how much time was going to be left in paradise and I think just this for Chris and I was really we just wanted to spend a night together and not even so much just have sex but we just wanted to see what it would feel like you you for me to wash up makeup and crawl in bed with him to brush our teeth together to fall asleep like does he snore. Can we sleep together. Are these things compatible. And I needed to know that sooner then the night I could potentially get engaged to someone I needed to next day. Exactly I needed to have a little more like that realism in the relationship. All right well well crystal. We talked about one hot topic in. You gave us fishing very all right next except we have mattie poppy among a little bit of a health kick lately. It's not just about clean eating but it's also about not exposing myself to toxic chemicals and eating organically and avoiding parabens and beauty products in one of my favorite product lines that I've found in this new lifestyle. Creation of mine is native eight of products all their products like deodorant are formulated without aluminum. Parabens and talk and their field was ingredients found in nature of coconut oil Shea Butter Tapioca Starch. And they don't do any animal testing you guys know. I'm very particular about what I put on my skin again. And the number one thing I try to avoid right now especially is chemicals and making the switch to a natural and it does not mean that you're gonNa have to sacrifice hunt on odor or witness protection. I tried it. I know these products work and they have eight thousand five star reviews. That's a very good sign so if you didn't believe that it worked for me there's there's eight thousand other people who took the time and effort to give these native products ratings eight thousand. I'm getting five star ratings. Pretty amazing being native comes in a wide variety of tasting sense for men and women and they come out all throughout the year. I personally love the coconut and Vanilla scent. It's so tropical. Well I put it on and it makes me feel like all the time and it makes me feel like I'm on vacation. I smell of coconut like brings you right to the islands. They also also offer an unscented formula for you guys who like it a little bit more basic and a begging Soda Free Formula For those with sensitivities to that but what I do love most is that they have no risk to try policy native offers free returns and exchanges in the US and free shipping so for twenty percent off your first purchase visit native Deodorant Dot Com and use the Promo code famous during checkout again for twenty percent off your first purchase visit native deodorant order in Dot Com and use the Promo Code famous during checkout very special guest. Mattie poppy the winner of American idol two thousand eighteen is now here in our office and Mattie welcome to the podcast. Thank you thank you very beautiful office you do you hear that the cast was called the cassirer. nece ranch was the ranch. Yes right here in Napa Valley Matty You have been on reality. Two shows actually the voice and and you met your boyfriend. Caleb I did. It was the bachelor mixed with American idol. Right like like to say you guys were the winner and runner up. Yeah and you got together and that is actually not the only time. It's happened on American idol. But it's still so much much fun that you like developed a reality relationship so I think you kind of understand this totally. Yeah so have you bachelor fan. I don't watch every this season because like lately I have not been able to watch as I'm I'm never in one in the same place every Monday night. I loved that. I know it's every Monday tonight but but like I've definitely watched You know I catch catch an episode like season every now and then follow yes slightly. Yes okay so how do you feel like your relationship now is is it got more scrutiny because well as you guys met on the show and because the fans of the show want you guys to be together yeah for sure the pressure is definitely there and also like I can't imagine people who you know like people who are on the Bachelor Bachelorette the pressure that they must feel to stay together even and if like after the fact they know like it's you know this isn't going to work or something you know I'm lucky that I do. Actually you know I. I do feel like my boyfriend and I I will work out. You know hopefully and you recently called him the one. Oh yeah that's everywhere is that's really weird but Yeah I can't imagine the pressure Russia that I would feel if I was just like 'cause like we. Can't you know if we broke up. I can't imagine but you know it's interesting because you said that We have a lot of pressure. But you guys were able to day in former relationship while you are actual competitors on the show. Yeah how does that work. How is jealousy? You know what I'm going to be honest with you. I think he would have won. I would have been extremely jealous so I think it's good. It worked doubt. Just girls get jealous. You know what I'm saying. Yeah But he didn't really want to win or not. I mean honestly I don't know that sounds it's terrible but I don't know that he would have been the best winter because I don't know if he would have been able to do all the you know tied in with yeah. ABC and so you have to put on the Mickey ears and be like let me tell you about the magic of Disney. And I mean so I don't know if he would have enabled hello record label guy with his knee. Hollywood Jackson certainly would records former label. The Jonas brothers that's right that's right but anyways I don't know that he would have been able to do all that you know what I mean it. Just be harder for a dude I think but yeah it honestly it never really felt like a competition show. It was more like summer camp because that's how it feels feels filming the bachelor or the Bachelorette Not Bachelor in paradise. Bachelor in paradise is more regular I emotional could imagine. Yeah Yes oh it was opposite for up. Yeah okay well crystal here. WHO's not sitting in? Had A little bit more of a tumultuous time during the Bachelor. But that's a different conversation. You so We're on the voice as well and I feel like your story is so it's so incredible you did alive in you did a live performance foreman's for the judges on the voice. Nobody turned around. You were eliminated right there on the spot and then American idol lyle was it Lionel Ritchie. Said like you you need to be part of this competition and then you want it. Why in the world how is it so inconsistent? First of all you do great research. Oh really I don't know if you were you actually actually watch or you. Just look this up but either way it doesn't matter your oh great a lot of people would be like so what's her name Well I mean just need to let you know here heart idol an in Virginia you can have on your license plate so minds at heart idol from two thousand seven two thousand eleven. So do you still watch. I don't watch it. The past like five seasons. I I get it. I get it. It's okay I don't I haven't watched pathways either. David Cook performed at my wedding. Oh my gosh. That's big time. Yeah the question was about voice houses so inconsistent it was super embarrassing. First of all talent is mind. Mind Boggling Lake. Your Voice was made to be famous. That's so sweet. None of those judges to turn around. I think Kelly Clarkson had heard you you. She would've turned around. I got to say something though. That's so sweet. But I gotta say I wouldn't turn from either that was I didn't think it was very good performance at all. Like watching Ching. I was cringing and like first of all. That show is very different from idle because on that show they have so much control over you and You they pick your outfit and your song and everything idol is literally like okay just show up and do whatever you want And I think that's what was so different. You know I didn't get my guitar when I was on the voice so I was super awkward and I didn't know even I wanted to be what genre I wanted to sing. I was it would have worked out then. It wouldn't have been good. So difference was a year and a half between I. I know it's crazy how much I kind of grew and just that little amount of time but I was devastated after that of course I thought you know idol was going off the err like that same season so I was like well. That was my last opportunity. Then there was came back so quickly came back. Yeah not even give it what maybe not into into full. Yeah I know I know Yeah I just wasn't ready. Yeah honestly I can't say here and say yes. Screw the voice you you know. They didn't turn around. I mean I think a lot of people want to be like because some people ask like yeah. Do you wish you wish you could tell Blake Shelton now. And I'm like well I tell them you were you were right. I wasn't ready then. Yeah And Yeah not being biased right now. Because you're in front of me but I've always just understood the appeal of idle more than the voice voice. I never got into it. And this girl who had heart idol on our license plate. That's amazing and that means a lot I mean. I think that that show has had so much success because because they let people be whoever they want to be. You know when you package something together and then you put out into the world you can't you can't expect it to continue tin. You'd to thrive in the way it did when you know when that person was surrounded by a team real crazy. Yeah and just controlling trolling. Yeah yeah but I mean. Don't get me wrong like that show obviously has been on for so many seasons but I love it. I feel like it's more a TV show in less of a launching pad for artist us. Oh for sure. It's not about the artists. Yeah I mean that sounds really bad. But it's not about covering Kelly Clarkson you know it's about Oh the banter banter between the judges and they have such a great lineup. You know. Obviously that's so entertaining like a reality. TV Show for these stars ours are really you know. I WANNA go back to your boyfriend. For a second Caleb Caleb Caleb Lee Hutchinson. He's artists of course still working in Nashville Asheville. But he He and you met on the idol. You've been together for a year and a half and I saw you post a monthly leap posts on instagram. Saying we're still together just letting you know 'cause the fans will always speculate. We're just talking about a bachelor a couple who you broke up. And we all speculated that it was coming because they had it posted of each other so how do you feel about the pressures of keeping up relationship on instagram. And since it's something that we as a bachelor family have to deal with all the time holy I mean man. We can relate on so many levels because because Yeah it's like I feel like we will like joke around on twitter or something and then the next day like if we don't post every day you wouldn't believe the comments. They're like some will be like well she's pregnant and others will be like they're done for good. You know what I mean like. It's just I know I mean there's so many expectations and it's like you know it's just become kind of a joke like that post was a total joke because I was just like you know I don't care I'm happy my relationship. I don't think I need to let the world know every five seconds you know. Keep them updated on. You know what's happening with us because yeah and Instagram's a big highlight reel elver relationship anyway. It's just all butterflies and rainbows but and then of course if you were to show some real nece he'll be like oh they're on the rocks totally he and you know what the thing that Kinda sucks about being a musician nowadays. Is that you not just a musician. You have to be a social media influence or yeah that's with every derision of entertainment. Anything you WANNA do you know if you WANNA keep it up. That platform on social media is so important and if you don't have a presence there well I mean it's one thing if you made it in the nineties and you're like you know just this ever yeah but for people up and coming and if you don't have a social media platform it's like you're just you're certainly not appealing to the millennial crow but it sucks because it's it's exhausting. Social Media's exhausting mentally everything Last thing I want to talk to you about is your new single. Bring it home. Featuring former or American title Philip Philip's it's now available and you can get upcoming tour. Who you going on tour with? I just finished the tour. He just finished the toilet. You can get tickets to something nothing else. I don't know yet all right. But we'll check out where she's going to next on Mattie poppy dot com that has M. A. D. E. P. O. P. P. DOT DOT COM and your album came out in May it's called whirlwind if there's one song on whirlwind that you aren't people right now to open up. They're apple music to what do you want to be. It's called not losing you and all Wu and it's charting on the radio so oh that's the one keep streaming it so we keep moving all right. Well thank you Mattie so nice meeting you are the second The second American idol we had on this podcast and I it was McCreary. Yeah Scotty Yeah it was very cool. We're here in Napa for that one as well. The country music festival very cool. Yeah thank you very wonderful guest. Well thanks for having me. This was so much fun. I like your shoes got some platforms in his converse. They were hard to find. And all right bye thanks all right. We'll talk about a jam filled. Show guys we had crystal Katie Eighty Mattie. Poppy and we also talk to Joe and Kendall down. We covered a lot in one episode. Here at live live in the vineyard in Napa Valley. It's been a wonderful time talking to everyone in distilling out with some wine. We hope you guys enjoyed it too. And the next time you hear from Ben and myself we will be together. Promise you that I know you guys like those episodes when we get to you know have our original host first time so thank you guys for listening lobby so much goodbye. Oh I've been Ashley. Follow the Ben and Ashley. I almost famous podcasts. On iheartradio radio or subscribe. Wherever you listen to podcasts honey? Your body is changing mom. I know it can be awkward. But you need to use protection. Stop Lake Air Wick. VIP Pre poop toilet spray. What unlike Mike Ayers Sol's you spray air wig? VIP before you go to trap Nasty Odor's in the bowl. This took a turn. When I I met your father he thought I didn't poop for three years? Okay bye mom find Air Wick V._I._P.. Pre poop toilet spray in the cleaning. I'll or on Amazon.
AWTR Show #724: Sacred Sisterhood in the Trials of Life
"Attention know spouses families and service members. It's now time for another empowering episode of Army White Talk Radio the leading and longest running podcast of its kind. Awt are is doing gauge. Educate and encourage you by sharing dynamic interviews social media connections news and empowering military life information here are your Awt our hosts your Army Wife Network Command team. Hey everyone it's a great day to be joining us for our latest army wife. Talk Radio PODCASTS. I absolutely love that. Our podcast is designed to engage educate encouraged an empower. All of you. So whether you're a spouse or a family member of serving you matter to us whether you're in the states or somewhere else around the globe we are here for you and by the way I'm Caroline Schaefer Army Wife Talk Radio Producer and this is show number seven hundred twenty four hi there caroline and listeners. I'm joy Ortiz Army Wife. Networks social media distant Carolinas right. You know he wants you to know that army wife network cares about you and you're not going through this journey alone. We have the resources that not only meet you exactly where you are but reminds you how many others are going through this journey as well we make sharing create supportive segments for you such as social media scoop. Aws Her deductive empowerment and action interviews with inspiring guests and so much more in fact as far as interviews. Go you WANNA stick around for the upcoming interview conducted by owner and Commander. Cherie did not block as she talks with. Guest Ashley Murray about the Sacred Sisterhood. And the trials of life Ashley has a powerful and moving story one that I'm looking forward to hearing and before we get started I just want to say to joy and super excited to be hosting with you again to tell me what's been going on since last time. We chatted Well my husband had hip surgery. I'm not sure if we mentioned this is the last one that we did but he has to tears one on each side of his hips and the doctor said when they saw the Marai that it's rare to have one tear one labeled here but as even rarer to have to so They advised him to have one done and not a one at a time. Not Too at the same time so we had their first one done A couple weeks ago and it was a super busy day. I took the day off and it's suck too because my our son turned five that day and we really couldn't do anything for him but It was a long day. We got there at like eleven but he didn't even get wheeled back into surgery until about three fifteen so and then we didn't leave the surgery center until like six thirty and so like I felt so bad for him because he was also obviously in pain and then like I had to pick him up job back home and then you go back out and get dinner and a cake and something for our son to open right so it was a long day. I was up at seven o'clock in the morning and then didn't go to bed until like one o'clock in the morning the next morning it was University running around. Luckily my mom lives here in Jacksonville. So shows I texted her about her having to go pick up the kids. I can't I have something to do until I was like. Why could just go get them? And then I picked him up and that she's texting are the kids. Okay you're okay and I'm like everybody's fine like but can you please meet me at my house because I don't know how I'm going to get him up the stairs because we live on the second floor and he wasn't supposed to put any weight you know obviously Deo Surgery. No no wait on his hips but anyways you made it through. The day made it through the couple of weeks. we're still moving along trucking along And my son had his we. We postpone his birthday party to this past Sunday. At we had that chucky cheese and invited ten kids and it was like the perfect amount of kids and they had a blast that he was just nice to not have to do anything. Like chucky cheese at everything. Yeah I love chucky cheese like I still love chucky cheese. I know than there is about that pizza dishes so good we loved it and when you know when David So He's twenty one now but when he was seven he was diagnosed with ILIAC. And of course we gotta check cheese all the time and I never understood. When parents complained about chucky cheese? I was like how do you not love chucky cheese? It's your everything is in one spot. You can play the Games your kid command around. You can run around with your kid. Which is the whole idea makes your dinner. There's no cleaning up. I don't understand but once he was diagnosis. Iliac which means you can't have any gluten. It will no more Turkeys. Yeah I know but I would certainly are so much took was an quiz. We contemplated for his fifth the party here at our apartment. But my husband's like I don't want to entertain anybody. I don't want to have that that family that lingers awkwardly after the party is over so we're just GonNa go somewhere where you know people and then people can entertain themselves so The one thing we did do was give the kids unlimited playtime which. We've been a couple of people's birthday parties Turkey and it can get expensive depending on. How many kids you have so normally like they just don't do the unlimited play because it's just super expensive especially for about ten kids. It's a lot and my husband was like no we need to give the parents unlimited play. We don't want them to spend any money while they're here. Because you know when you go to these places kids just WANNA play play play. And then they only have like fifty fifty played points and you know by ten minutes has gone by and they don't have any more points 'cause they wasted on every game you know they wanted to play. We'll just do this one thing we'll splurge a little bit on the limited plays that parents. Can you know what their kids unwind for a couple of hours so It was nice and then our daughter took. He took like five steps. Walking steps at chucky cheese bus pass. You're just like what was that record her so we had parents. Their parents came as well with their kids and This one parent. I have known her for a while. Like what do we go to church together? We weren't high school together. And she liked picked her up and put Marai down and then all of a sudden Mariah is just like taking steps towards her. Never seen her in her life. Wow I'm like behind Mirai with my phone out like recording her take steps towards his person so it was nice. She took like five steps but the Nashi refuses to to walk. Let's just WanNa do it anymore? I really did at once. I'm which is funny because my son did the same thing. He walked a few days before his first and then the whole month of March didn't walk and then by the time April came round was running. So I'm assuming that she's going to do the same thing now but she like every single time you get to walk like you stand her up and try to get her to walk towards you. She throws a fit. So I'm ready to walk you to stab you walk on your own. So just weekdays I know about. She's turning one on Sunday. So tomorrow is our last day with an eleven month old. I cannot believe that she is one years old. I can't it's just like Gallagher and Mike. I was just pregnant with you so I looked at my twenty one year old and I catch myself looking at him going. Wow occurred grown human. I know I know and We had a a lady comeback today at work. She is our billing manager and she came back to work. Today was her first day back from maternity leave and she was talking about the other day she was talking to me edge. I mean she did great like my first back from maternity. Leave as soon as I saw one of my co workers. Alex started bawling crying. She just asked me how you're doing in the and the thing is like I saw on my way into work. I talked to like three people like us. They asked me. Hey joy welcome back with and as soon as I saw this one coworker that sits right next to me. I don't know what it is about what she said she just asked me joy how you're doing and I like fell into her shoulder and started crying solace like a half expecting our billing manager to be. You know we'd be today but you wasn't surprised for a lot of people are like you know talking about her baby and she was able to show. Her baby was able to like get her mind off. Beat not being with her with her daughter so good. Yeah it's hard. I know I'm power to MOMS. Who really it's true. Yeah and we can talk forever about. We could do a whole episode to some being a mom range. Yeah but like she was talking about how She lets her daughter nap on her. And I'm like I'm thinking to myself like don't be upset about having your daughter nap on you and you in the grand scheme of things. They are only little little between the ages of zero to six. Because I know my son is five now. He's still likes to lay on me to to nap or to take a leap and you know if you're if you live until you're ninety years old six years as opposed to ninety years nothing and you're not gonna get that time back in on. Us literally on You. And that 'cause like her has was like she's. GonNa you're spoiling her she's GonNa get used to it. Who cares as soon as she stops doing it. You are going to miss it. And you're going to wish that they were so about little spoiling falls under different category. It does. She's the baby like she's supposed to be cut. Oh She's supposed to be snuggled. She's supposed to be held by this. Her number one job is to be held and for you to take care of her enjoy. Don't anybody make you feel guilty. Even at your at your husband will make him but you feel guilty about holding your daughter while she's taking a nap so I try. You know you give this her first kid and I had to try to give your words of wisdom to two new mom so I don't know if he took it in stride but she understands like if you look at it in that in that aspect were they could live to be a ninety one hundred years old. What is six years of their life? Fine she'll be fine she's going to love. She loves to snuggle. She loves to look as soon as she doesn't do it anymore. You're GONNA miss it. It's true they're going to be twenty. Something for you know The terrain turning five was like a blink of an eye and had a had an army wife friend who used to tell me that you'll blink and they'll be they'll be in kindergarten and I blinked and he is about to be kindergarten. I can't I can't believe it. Oh my goodness oh. It's always good to catch up with you own. Goodness yes hours. Always get to catch up with you to caroline so let's just struck by and hear more but Ashey story and Krista Hood and the trials of life. Hello and Hallelujah. Awt Our listeners. I'm Cherie Knob Lock your. Aws owner and commander. Today I am so excited to share the touching and empowering story of a personal friend Ashley Murray. She will discuss with us today. How sacred. Sisterhood has empowered and upheld her in the trials of life Ashley. Murray is an army. Chaplain wife stationed at Fort Jackson South Carolina. She and her husband. Jim have four children ages. Eleven five four and one. They've been on active duty for eight years. Ashley loves being a stay at home. Mama disciple women and sharing life hospitality and encouragement with others. She volunteers through various opportunities and has been a caregiver and advocate for her children's needs throughout a time of overwhelming tragedy and endless needs. Ashley's family had the chance to surrender all control allowing both God and her military neighbors to bear the burdens too difficult for them to shoulder on their own. Thank you so much for coming onto the show and you're willingness to share your story today Ashley. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really looking forward to our conversation and I personally have been privileged to follow your story ever since we met several years ago at joint base Lewis mcchord. Wc So let's jump in and share that story with our listeners. Hilas tell us. How did you become a military spouse while my husband Jim And I were high school sweethearts. He joined the army reserves right out of high so I sent him off to basic training. That was back in two thousand two and I think back on that time and it was such a romantic time. I made him a letter day. I helped shine his boots and learn the phonetic alphabet. So we just kinda almost joined the military together learning things and then we went to college together and got married in pleasant four. He transitioned to the Army Chaplain candidate program in two thousand six and we came onto active duty incessant twelve and took Fort Campbell Kentucky there with our four year old daughter first duty station and in true military fashion. We've had a baby at every base that we've been stationed at so. Our daughter Margot was a civilian birth but our sun. Jd was born at Fort Campbell. Our Son drew at joint base. Lewis mcchord in Washington and our son. Ethan was born in Charlotte during our time at Fort Jackson. Where we currently? I'm excited to learn more about your journey and I know it's been a joyful one but it's also of course been challenging one as it is most military families. Tell US Ashley what happened. In the fall of two thousand eighteen the changed your family so kind of looking back now the way I put it with that our family had some health issues with our younger two kids and on as I get to know people I just kind of dive into what Kinda took place for about a year and a half on that started back in the summer of two thousand eighteen. I've found that we don't hold a corner on suffering and there's healing that can take place whenever I can share a vulnerably and appropriately others on the bank. You again. Let Me Share. Our Story. Kerr we had kind of been cruising along within our military career and felt that this was our families calling the military above from military culture by the summer of two thousand eighteen. We had experienced to moves to deployments special operations assignment. We're preparing for a career course and had orders to an overseas assignment. We felt that we had had some hard times but it was a pretty predictable army life so that kind of feeling when we made across country move in the summer of two thousand eighteen from Washington state to South Carolina for a six month. Course we drove. Our cars are repeat kids. A dog and Guinea pig across the country. But in God's Providence. He was bringing us back home Which is about an hour from where I grew up where our family is. It's where Jim went to basic training so felt like we were coming. Full Circle We WAITED FOR ON POST HOUSING. Because we have really seen the value in the past of being on posed having a military nitty and with our career course. We wanted to get to know other families and students and instructors during that short time we have been on the weightless for housing become available and my parents graciously. Let us stay at their home with enough room for all of us for a few months and so we were with them and in June I took a home pregnancy test and found out that we were pregnant and in July. We had her folks. I ultra sound appointment. We went in excited. You shared the Denver with our family and at the ultrasound. We got an exciting shock. I was on the exam table. Allied with ultrasound tech. She's doubt and said you see what I see and I looked up and there were two babies on the screen and you're pregnant with twins. Jim An AIA. Both we were laughing and excited and shocked. And so jim even said like. Make sure that there's not a third no when someone else hiding in there So we Kinda came away from that appointment excited on that. We were having identical twin boys but due to the fact that they shared a sense I was immediately a high risk pregnancy and I transfer to a specialist for an ultrasound appointment every two weeks to monitor monitor the babies so that was our exciting news in July and then in August. He moved into our house on post. We got busy connecting with our neighbors. I got connected with the home school community in the area. We had our two older kids in the co-op finding a church. We Hung picture frames on the wall. All the normal transition that you just a military spouse but then in September are two and a half year old son. Drew began having unexplained seizures and it was alarming So we started seeing specialists Getting tested for what was going on. And we've been moved in for less than a month but we already had people who offered US hills. They gave drew a get. Well soon died for the hospital. They just really shared support for family when we didn't really have kind of have an unknown period Of of what was going on with him. It was a scary time and we were at high alert because we didn't really know what would trigger a seizure and so as they became more frequent. Our normal lives is halted and we were needing to know how to support him and be patient for commitments to be set up of referrals. Go through the testing results to come back so while we were at a hospital. Stay for an EEG testing per drew. I walked over to one of my ultrasound. Appointments are twins and Jen stayed. Rick drew about appointment. I found out that are twins were diagnosed with twin transfusion syndrome. It's called T. T. And it's a rare disorder that can happen to be that share placenta when they're missed connections of blood vessels that allowed the babies to grow at different rates are twins were at an advanced stage at t t t s and needed medical intervention to keep them alive. I was giving information of what our treatment options were at. Check it all back to Jim. My parents came and stayed with her older kids in gym nine went to Charlotte North Carolina to the closest Fetal Care Monitoring Centre that performed elaborates topic surgery to correct the imbalance in the placenta. And give the baby's an equal share of the on Placenta. And that would give them the best chance for continuing to grow in the home. We had a successful surgery on October. Eight two dozen eighteen for our twins. Benjamin and Ethan and we chose to do a twenty four hour monitoring on them since they were twenty four weeks gestation they had other interventions. They could do they were viable outside of the womb. We were at a facility. That had great medical care and interventions if needed at the end of that monitoring we had never ultrasound and it was clear that the twins heart rate were dangerously low so we went ahead with an emergency. C section. Benjamin was born at one pound three ounces and Ethan was born at one pound fourteen ounces. Jim was able to go the boys as they were given their interventions. And you get me after birth and Benjamin struggled dramatic Hugh and passed away about two hours later. He had his last heartbeats on my chest. If an is are surviving twin. He spent one hundred twenty days in the nick. You which could be a whole other talk of how God sustained his life and surrounding us with as a medical team but during that time Jimmy. We pretty much switched roles. Gem was granted an educational pas from his career course and they said his place of duty was wherever family was so it was for a little over four months that our family went through A few phases. I feel like kind of having a beginning stage of that trauma and grief and loss of Benjamin and then ongoing medical needs and long-term care needed for Ethan so Jin stayed with during the recovery phase and we really just tried to hold onto each other and to God during those early weeks in the hospital. And then we transitioned to the Ronald Mcdonald House. That became a routine to be able to care for. Ethan and connected us with our older kids for them to be able to come up with us. Ultimately it worked out well her Jim to stay down in Columbia in at Fort Jackson out with Jim and the normal routine that the kids were in. And I stayed up in Charlotte to care for Ethan. We even told our kids that Mama's on deployment just like daddy is the WHO That kind of how we took it that we were taking this time as our family mission to get our baby brother. It helped us to think of it that way and even came home in February of two dozen nineteen. It was a relief tab them but it was also stress because He did come home on oxygen support. He had medications breathing treatments He was also immune compromised so he couldn't be around other people but My daughter Margo She was ten at the time and she likes to say that we were family team. And we had an arsenal of hand sanitizer wipes. That was what our life was like during that time with Ethan. We're so thankful for the medical specialists. Who advocated for our children? Because we couldn't do it all. We had a great team helping us to answer to get Ethan. A stable also had a wonderful team that was answering the questions about drew seizures. So our drain are this whole process. Drew was prime medication and even with several changes and adjustments with. His medication wasn't able to control their seizure. Episodes so after additional testing and several armour is. We found out three months after bringing Ethan home. That drew had a brain tumor and that time. We just felt overwhelmed again. Another medical crisis for one of our kids and another unknown but we were referred up to a team in Memphis Tennessee. They had a whole pediatric neurology. Four so that was where we took him for a pediatric neurosurgery neurosurgeon to perform a tumor reception. So it's basically brain brain surgery that he went through Jim. Andrew Ethan and I drove to Memphis Tennessee in June nineteen for more testing and preparation for surgery and on June twentieth drew had brain surgery to remove. A benign. Tumor was noncancerous. And we just praise the Lord that They were able to get the area that was causing issues He woke up from surgery without any issues and he was released from the hospital two days later and able to confirm. Well Ashley you know me and it takes a lot to make me speechless and your testimony. Your story is one that is simultaneously difficult to respond to. But also just so moving how you guys have experienced so much in the last eighteen months military family and have suffered loss but also seen God's hand in his victory and all of that just. Wow that is absolutely remarkable I know that you've attributed your faith. And of course your husband and your his parents and family as big helpers with all that but tell us about your experiences as a military spouse. How did that help or hinder the difficult news of all of these very intense diagnoses? You know there are so many opportunities like military gives you to refine your character. I think anyone who has even spent a day in you know with someone in an army boots are being those. There's just so much refining that happens there's a lot a holding on loosely. Hurry up and wait. Really testing your patience and refining your resilience. I learned a lot of healthy as to deal with stress during deployments and make help me with the same lessons and the Nikki Environment. Lessons like not reacting in the moment processing trauma dealing with disappointment communicating and building. Trust with our spouse over long distance feeling resentment over the loss of shared experiences. And since our nick you stay happened over the holidays. It was another time of a season of celebrating holidays in a different way locations. Those are things that I think from the outside looking in we would really consider that celebrating holidays in a very different way. And I know you mentioned a few minutes ago that this was like Mommy's on a deployment to help baby brother get well and come home and I love how you framed that but it still of course was challenging and you also attribute your journey and your success in that and the healing in that others provided meaningful support. During your difficult times Jareth is a little bit more about the support you received. This is part of our story that have been so humbling for me for people to cr pain and to enter and have their own pain. It is something that has become very special to me in really hard for me to quantify of how may have entered in with us. We had so many people who were supporting us and praying for us and going to battle breast. And I'm still not even aware of all the people who Surrounded us we had a strong support system like you said with our family with our church our friends but this is the group that I called my sacred sisterhood. That really refreshed by soul. They were military spouses who stepped in the gap because when trauma happens. It's something that you can't carry on your own. It's too heavy and these ladies. They picked up the pieces. They said this is what we do and they went out Serbian. My family to me a sacred moment is when there's a time in life where God pulls back the curtain and he shows us what really matters in those moments. These army wives who understood a service culture who know sacrifice that came alongside to support the as one of their own and I think property seventeen seventeen which says a friend gloves at all times and brothers born prayed our city. And that's what these sisters they were sisters cornbread adversity. They were the ones that help to carry your family because they entered in and became part of the support system around me. Although I haven't been in your shoes or your metaphorical army boots with dilemma of trauma. They've experienced I totally get what you're saying about the sacred sisterhood and other military spouses stepping in the gap as battle buddies. When the worst happens and you know I'm not GonNa make it all about me but A year ago almost to the day Someone very very close to me attempted to take his own life and I was the person that they called before and after the attempt and of course my husband was deployed. And I had sisters. And people that rallied around Me To let me grieve and laments and process and just to encourage me that to make sure that we were eating and that my kids were taken care of and it was. I can't compare it to what you've been through the loss and the grief and uncertainty with your your little tiny humans but I think considering sacred sisterhood is a beautiful beautiful gift so tell us a little bit more about the moments that created that deeper connection with the sacred sisterhood. And when you knew that you were part of the sisterhood. Yeah like you said this it resonates with me to to bring this topic up because we all go through challenging times and whenever they whenever you're going through a challenging time and for someone to insert themselves into your life in those hard times it becomes a defining moment So like you said those moments. This for me has been an almost two year timeframe where it's been a marathon of medical needs and I've become a full time caregiver with my children It's amazing to me to see how God provided people to provide refreshment needed along the way I honestly could spend the rest of the time talking about people who served our family. I started writing out all the names and kind of how each specific story just perfectly was. The character type of this person came at the exact time that I needed that kind of refreshing. It and I could again spend the rest of the time just talking about that of how God brought the right people right time but the thing that I found most impactful was that these friends took time to show up a me. They served me in ways where you need to them. They offered what they were best at an passionate due to help me my family. They didn't have to do it all but when they felt led to do something they followed through with it Whether they were a quiet highness seeing servant a professional counselor senior leadership spouse whether they had heart for caregiving or tutoring children schoolwork. They knew how to organize a CARE. Calendar whether they were gifted with words of encouragement creating beautiful flower bouquets sharing practical gifts or having just a ministry of presence to enter into the hard days with me they showed up in those hard beautiful days to care for me in the seen an unseen ways. I needed in order to your fresh to take the next hurdle that kind of my calls have the secret sisterhood. Just been treasury those aspects of sisterhood and friendship and Mills Bows Hood and really them joining you in the trenches of a season of life that is truly the lowest of lows grief and heartache at yet helping care you know probably some days really like helping you move one foot in front of the other. Two wrecking up that mountain to to reach that victory with healing for your children. So thank you so much for sharing the first part of your story. Gosh I think could talk just the entire time about your journey and we're gonNA continue that in just a few moments with the moving conversation that we're having right now but we're gonNA take a super quick break and solicitors hang on. We'll be right back with more from Ashley. Murray and Sacred Sisterhood in the trials of life types of military pay that can be excluded from gross. Income is the money minute from incharge education foundation and MILITARY MONEY DOT COM. When you're doing your taxes this year make sure you pay attention to these types of military pay and allowances that can be excluded from your gross income combat zone. If you're a member of the armed forces serving in a designated combat zones then you can exclude certain types of pay from your income. You need only served for one or more days in a month to qualify for exclusion for the entire month. Retirement contributions generally you can deduct some portion of the contributions you make to your traditional IRA for the air. However if you or your spouse were covered by an employer maintain plan at any time during the year then not all of these deductions may be eligible sale of a home. You may not have to pay tax on the profit realized from the sale of your main home a deduction of up to two hundred and fifty thousand dollars of gain or five hundred thousand dollars. If married filing jointly is generally available upon the sale of a main home this money men and is made possible by in charge at solutions visit US online at. Www dot incharge dot org more information to engage educate encourage and empower hugh in your military life journey at Army Wife Network Dot Com. You can find more than two thousand blog posts about deployment. Cs Army life help and more. You can also check out our most popular resource host with the most aired from Fort. Riley says I use aws on a weekly basis to get the support. My family and I need to thrive in this military life tap into all of our empowering resources at www dot army wife network dot com. Welcome back listeners. We are chatting with Ashley Murray. And hearing about her personal story and the importance of sisterhood and community the first half of our conversation we mentioned the heartache and the uncertainty with the health issues with your Kiddos but also how people were specifically almost divinely called to serve you into as you said step into those gaps as the secret sisterhood. Let's go ahead and continue the conversation. How has God revealed the blessing of the military community in your life beyond what you've already shared? God revealed so much family here. This past year unhappy we had some really specific defining moments along our journey mainly in the early days of our grief and loss but we had just the community. That rallied around us. They it was humbling for us to see people who come alongside us with their own difficult circumstances and they know how to comfort us so we had a prayer team from our neighborhood that met in our front yard the week that we went up to Charlotte or are surgery. I didn't even know that they were outside. And they were going to battle for us for the text us to let us narrow that they were praying and happy. We continue to pray. We had the day that twins were born. Our next door neighbors came over to my parents who were staying at our house and they said Hey. We've got kids go go to Charlotte go see your grand babies and it's because of them intervening doing they stepped out from their comfort zone and they knew that it would be an important time but they gave our family against of connection and my parents were the only ones who were able to actually hold. Benjamin so it became a really important that they gave Char family. We had we had just a lot of different ways of people connecting with us We had someone who gave us the idea of putting Benjamin's name Into different places. They started it with a picture of his name. Brittany leaves and that started our Benjamin name book where people would send us pictures of his name written in sand on the beach. John Chalk on the sidewalk and I know that you sent me one from the top of mountain hike so just having people who took the time to be mindful of us an share meaningful pitcher. It was very healing for me so we just again had so many ways that these were examples of moments in time when we were going through something so separate and intense from all of our normal everyday life we felt removed but we had people who entered into our people experience or acknowledged it and Respected that heart season and that made so much of an impact on me because it was a reminder that we weren't alone and that we were cared for by others so that was what I think of with our the sisterhood in this community and glaciation. Six to bear one another's burdens. And that's exactly the example that this military community showed me. We did a ruck march with one of Jim's units a few years ago and it was called a family day and it was a twelve mile. Ruck march lots of fun but I had been participated in a Bible study where we teenaged rocks that we had written hard trials and hurts on them and I had those rocks with me and my rock and another friend walked with me and carried half of the load of those rocks so he's folically carry those burdens but also had a weight to remind us and Even though I'm not a therapist I know that trauma changes you and your body carries trauma and tasked hurt and so I'm reminded of that wreck March and the weight that was distributed so that we could finish the race. And that's I think the community has provided the support. And it's important. I like the phrase. Find Your tribe in love them hard because you have to surround yourself with people who have great impact on you and they have impacted into your relationships in your life and your help and Super me there has been a blessing in finding Mike. Nydia loving them well because they have been the ones who have been a blessing to me to support me and for someone that I can fall back on. I'm not a therapist either. I'm working on. It says someday but I just took a crisis in trauma class this semester. And you're so right. You're on on the money there. Ashley. With how when a trauma happens whether it's you know very rarely are traumas plans. Are you know? Part of the trauma is not knowing that it was coming. And then trying to understand how to navigate that experience but you do carry it and I think one of the big dangers in trauma is isolating ourselves and a lot of things with military life military spouse. Life can be very traumatic for us. And that's where those battle buddies the tribes the sacred sister hoods come into play for sure Where do you see this experience? Making an impact within your spear of influence. Yeah you said the word isolation and in some ways I feel like this has been a season of isolation or me so never used a sphere of influence. I'm like small. I'm at home with my kids and I can't go outside because I still have kids that have immune compromise issues. And I think that's important too is. There's a lot of us who different seasons in our lives of being having to be home or having to focus on work or something you feel really isolated but I think I have learned that I need to rest in the opportunities that I've been giving given given opportunities and I learned from them and a nut limiting myself by saying noted things outside of my comfort zone so we have tried to walk through. Open doors are areas to be able to share our story because everyone goes through hard times and so many people go through really traumatic things that halt their life and that you feel like you have just had your head pieces just fall on the ground and it has helped me in those moment to have other people who are further along their healing to come back and help to show where God is at at certain points and to speak truth into my life and to care for me so that's kind of this fear of implants that I'm finding is saying yes two times an opportunity We stayed at the Ronald Mcdonald House. And we've been able to connect with families who were. They're able to to help with things in something that I never would have had an opportunity so I feel like we're the military is kind of its own. We live on post. We say we're in a gated community. We we were able to enter into this community military community. We volunteered for service. And we're able to invest in those around us here But then God gave us these opportunities at the Ronald McDonald House We have supported organization called state storks and they heard about our story and wanted to name an ultrasound busts. After our son Benjamin able to go and be encouraged and also encourage these people that are being able to do ultrasounds. We have kind of a new tribe of friends with medically complex children from our time in the queue and people that we have gotten to know. I've still been involved in Bible studies on Post Twa. See I've had a season of not being able to go physically places like even our local church but watch things online and being able to connect Even virtually with people And then even my little cultist act being able to walk over to the park in talk. One hundred people so I think that's all things that I'm learning to slowly. I guess have my own sphere of influence and then wait for it to expand and not to try to get ahead of what God wants to do in my own life and and then the ripple effect beyond your coming up on coming up onto the air since drew's diagnosis with the seizures. In your right around that eighteen month mark I think for Benjamin. Ethan's birthday so how are all your Kiddos now? Eastern is now sixteen months old and he has over twenty pounds He is a full toddler. He is walking now. He is Babbling and giving high fives. He's also getting into the bathroom and the toilet bowl a that. It's amazing to see the resilience of children and how much he'll and has taken place as which supported him where he's needed it He's still on meekly therapies. Help them catch up for his age since he was born. Four months premature has chronic lung disease and takes reading treatments to help his lungs. He'll but I'm still so an all him at birth. He was a micro preemie His one count. Fourteen ounces eleven inches long. His eyes were still fused shut. He didn't have the top layer of his skin yet. Developed he needed a ventilator to breeds for several months to now to see him smile and have an excitement to play every day. He just loves why he really is our miracle. Baby really just very blessed to have him with us and drew had been seizure. Free Sim surgery. So he has not had any seizure since then We praise God for his Complete healing he doesn't have any sensory deficit or loss of function from surgery. Which again is just amazing. And we call him our warrior and that's what he's been through the fear and frustration of seizures that he experienced still remembers lamb and I'll testing that had to dearness surgery. We keep telling him That we know where his help comes from it comes maker of Heaven and earth and the one who designed his body in his brain gave all these medical professionals skills so drew is still on seizure control medication and we go back to our neurologist in June for testing until we dosage and we just celebrated his fourth birthday with a blue angels' theme he wants to be a pilot when he grows up. And so it's amazing that he doesn't have any limitations right now that you know. He's he's made a full recovery. It's almost impossible for me to like process. All of this in my head like I met drew like I was there like in the vicinity when he was born in the meals and seen him as a newborn. Jbl Am and now just everything you guys have been through and you know from one pound fourteen ounces for Ethan to tear stuff up. Playing toilet is just fantastic. I never thought I would say that about Tau toddler but it is so great that he has played in the toilet. That is good. Good News Guy. That makes me so happy. I've got goosebumps. Held my body right now. Well actually how is your family? Move Forward from these challenging times. I like that phrase. Muka word has we haven't like just move John We've have. This is now part of our still have reminders. I mean even if he said how our kids doing now I still think that on on how how their lives started how. Our life has changed How we we? Our family is seven and can only have six in our family here on earth so all of those things we. I guess we still have that reminder tragedy but we have something bigger that we remember we still have siblings wobbles we. I still get frustrated at my kids and and everything. But there's a deeper gratitude for the time that we spend together and we assume that there's a bond between our kids that's really was because of that separation and that adversity that they experience and how they are connected to each other now. I just thank God for Ways they have grown and and really really learn from from times apart. We've tried to be intentional to due dates with our kids because Each of them individually. We want to connect with them. Because there's still a lot of times that they've had to sacrifice their time in their tension or medical needs Jim and I had also had to be intentional about staying connected to each other. We've had to just really be transparent about our struggles and victories grief reminders painful times and our thoughts and hopes needs it helps that he's army chaplain as a chaplain. Yup really connected in with With family and so I am really blessed that he does have a a lot of natural skills but then also Skills he's learned in how the process grief is how to connect in everything. But we're doing life Even China all these things ourselves Before he goes in and councils with others to we have found that we've by the grace of God. We've become a stronger family. We've been able to encourage others when I think that we have learned this time that people want others who are authentic and vulnerable to connect with and to do lifeless and says a family. We don't try to do it all but we try to do the next thing and love the next person in front of us. So I feel like that's how we are continuing to move forward in moving forward with that level of intentionally a debt. Those that probably will only happen forged by fire something beautiful and the pressure and the intensity of what you guys went through. There has been something beautiful. Come from from the outside looking end impossible. And so that is truly I would say truly miraculously and I encourage you guys to of course press on and that and I'm so excited to see where you all go from here Ashleigh. We're about a time. But we've got a couple more questions. So for those who might be in similar positions you with possibly being diagnosed with t t t s or loss of a child or just really intense grief and suffering. What are some of the resources that have helped you navigate this season as far as how can our listeners get connected to those resources? Yeah so personally for us. We had support from the T T T S foundation T T T S FOUNDATION DOT ORG for the twins diagnosis of twins enchants fusion syndrome. So they Were great resource for us. So it's a rare disorder but it's amazing how Once you become part of the club than there's so many more people who have become to become aware of it we also I personally were really encouraged by Save the storks that offers pregnancy centers a mobile medical unit. That has ultrasound machine on it for us. That was really vital for us to see the power of ultrasound. In order to save our twins life And then for this organization that we've already supported to then reach out tests and want to name one of their buses after are some Benjamin who's a very special thing and so that that was a great resource for grief and loss? We've had several books that we've really resonated with us. There's a book called suffering by Paul David tripp. Holding onto hope by Nancy got three was kind of more personal for child boss. I will carry you by. Angie Smith was another one for military helps we really. We had a Called sacred spaces by Corey. Weather's that was really meaningful to us. During time in special operations with frequent deployments but then it became a really important piece in our understanding that we had different traumas that we experienced during this past two years and we could have those individuals sacred time that we could acknowledging each other's license. They didn't have to be the same so corey. Weather's has a podcast as well called. Life Giver That we really have been impacted by And then personally for me. I've had a facebook group that I created with Ethan for his journey and with continuing to let people in on that process. Especially if you've had premature birth or or Are going through something with the Nick Environment on. You can look back posts but bat. And that's Ethan. Strong was what we named his facebook group. And we've been really transparent in that about Kennedy ongoing need for our kids. Thank you for sharing those resources. I'm glad I have several of those written down for future reference for referrals that Kinda thing and I too. I've really enjoyed Corey's book sacred spaces I read it a couple of years ago. I think in it really resonated with me as well even though we've gone through different kinds of trials but it's written from a military spouse perspective and it's it's super encouraging so we encourage our listeners to check out any of those resources and we can list those in our show notes so you can be sure to swipe up swipe down swipe over or also see them on our website. Finally actually our time is concluded together but we have really enjoyed our conversation and one thing that we love here eight of win because everyone has such different stories. They share from week to week on this podcast. We WanNa know what impairment means to each of our guests as it is one of our primary pillars so if you could please finish the sentence empowerment is empowerment is advocating the weakest. It is leveraging my best to help someone else. It's what I gave to my kids and my family and it is. What is sister gaped me? I'm so thankful for the empowered women around me who leverage their time their skills and abilities and talents for me on my darkest days. I can't think of a more beautiful or impactfully to wrap up our conversation Ashley. Thank you for your willingness to your story your vulnerability the encouragement to seek out and find our own sacred sisterhood wherever were at four channels of empowerment encouragement. So we wish you all the best and we wish you health for your family know that our team will continue praying for you guys as you move forward and navigate the future seasons of Your Life. So thank you for joining us today while that is a powerful story. It's incredible how such goodness and beauty he come out of such heartbreak. I'm really grateful. Sharia for these interviews especially with people who really understand what we're going through and then they're willing to share their story to encourage us in in our hardest seasons another aspect of that. I really appreciate is knowing that. Not only our guests. Get this mill spouse life but also our wn command teams so this week's aws info objective comes for our command team behind the scenes blog editor assistant. Angie Andrus Angie and her family are currently stationed in Okinawa Japan and she shared a photo of the US flag and the Japan flying by each other and wrote seeing both flags flying freely is my favorite reminder of what a privilege it is to be stationed at an oak onus duty station. I truly feel this is a once in a lifetime experience for me and while I can't say that everything is always easy. It has a wonderful adventure. I feel lucky that my husband and I are experiencing Japan together and are very blessed. Be here privilege. Seems like an understatement. Sometimes Japan will always be very special to me. What an honor to be here. And how amazing to see both flags flying in the same Scott together a sky that has been the backdrop for so many beautiful memories. Were making a really sounds like Angie has embraced so much of being at an Ochoa Studi station in. That's just such an adventure. So we have action ever been stationed anywhere cool overseas at all. But I know a lot of people who have and I know that Aquinas station in being stationed overseas to any places like that bring different challenges. But it really sounds like that Angie has. She really was a good perspective about it. I don't know joy. Have you been stationed overseas? What are your thoughts about that? We actually haven't We were only in the army for three years and even being military daughter. We never got stationed overseas. My Dad did a lot of his moving around traveling the world before my mom and him got married so we never got to go overseas but in respect to Angie's post About her experiences in Japan I mean I can kind of relate because we the only like major plays removed to when we were in was going to Mar the Maryland area at Fort. Meade and go any any time you go to a new place. You get apprehensive and scared and anxious. You don't know what to expect so I was. I was just like that. I was had been out of Florida before and when we moved there we weren't no we didn't know anybody. It really is All about perspective and it's so nice to be able to hear about and talk about all the different experiences and adventures that we have as military families. I think that sometimes that gets lost in all the other stuff his does how we empower each other and speaking of which it's time to hear from our aws empowerment agent Ashley with this week's empowerment patrol reports Halloo. Awt Our listeners. I am Ashley Gimmel. Your aws empowerment agent for this. Week's empowerment patrol report. We are showcasing band of blogger recipient kettering angle for her contribution to our love theme this month. Katharina and her family currently reside in Fort Bliss. Texas Katharina met her husband in two thousand one while he was stationed in Germany after experiencing the first taste of military life dating for example. Nine eleven school in the US and a few field problems they got married in November two thousand to Germany after their first deployment as a married couple. They received their first orders to Fort Bragg North Carolina after recovering from a culture shock. Katharina started her college journey. Five years two children one dog and another deployment later. She enthusiastically graduated from Liberty University. With a bachelor's degree in Business Administration and International Business Katharina loves to learn. She continued her adventure through a life coaching certificate. An assistant resiliency training certificate and currently. She is working on her certificate as an accredited financial. Counselor Katharina is volunteering was shared. Hope International as well as EP cares and bringing awareness to the community about minor domestic sex trafficking additionally Katharina volunteers with the Army Community Service Financial Readiness Program in her free time. Katharina LOVES TO EXPLORE THE OUTDOORS TRAVEL. She loves reading books and Playing Board Games with her family. Thanks again to Katharina ingle for doing your part to empower military families around the globe until next time. I'm your aws empowerment. Agent Ashley. Gimmel reminding you. We are never completely alone on this military. Life's journey congratulations to Catharina. Ingle of our band of bloggers bring this week's M. R. E. winner listeners. Here at Army Wife Network. We really think it's important to walk with one. Another through all aspects of this military life the fun ones and the difficult once. We think it's important to first of all laugh and cry with each other and second be a source of empowerment for one. Another in fact if you know someone who really embodies empowerment. We'd love to hear about them to tell us all about them. Head over to our website army wife network DOT COM and nominate them for everyday empowerment award on our website. Look under the menu. Forget involved and click the TAB everyday environment or aws empowers you can also view are previous winners in our impairment gallery joy. Thank you so much for sharing that information I am. It's fun to have that kind of stuff in the show that we are just this community of great people who do that for each other. And I'm really glad that we acknowledge an honor spouses. Who are empowering one. Another and coming up next is our one and only the incredible news. Six correspondent Jillian mcnutt is great about bringing this week's top stories and need to know news. No news is typically good news in this military Life Radio. So here is our. Aws a new six correspondent with this week's top stories. Hi Caroline and joy. Here's this week's top stories. Cbs News reported that in early March. The Real Rosie. The riveter died at the age of ninety five. Cbs said Rosalyn. Walter the inspiration behind the symbol died in Manhattan. She was just nineteen when she volunteered. To take a night shift position on Connecticut Assembly line she was profiled in a local newspaper in Nineteen. Forty two and Songwriters Red Evans and John Jacob. Loeb wrote the tune Rosie the riveter which was a hit and she was cast in American history. Her rolled up sleeves and head scarf or just part of the legacy that she left behind. Rosalyn Walter went on to help. Fund children's programs wildlife conservation efforts and was also. Pbs's biggest funder watch CBS's video tribute linked at Army Wife Network Dot Com for the first time ever future soldiers and cadets were sworn in by army astronaut Colonel Andrew Morgan currently serving as the flight engineer on the International Space Station K. E. Y. C. News from Mankato Minnesota said that it was done to showcase the diversity of career paths available when signing up for service more than one thousand future soldiers from one hundred and fifty locations. Were sworn. In via live telecast from the Space Station read more at K. E. Y. C. DOT COM. Panerabread may be coming to a military installation near you. The army and Air Force Exchange Service has partnered with Pinera and will be coming to select locations beginning in twenty twenty according to command sergeant major Louis Razz. This is part of the exchange be fit focus unhealthy lifestyles and an effort to bring healthier. Dining options. Read more at arm's network Dot Com B. M. C. Toys will be creating new. Plastic Green Army Women reported army times DOT COM last year. Vivian a six year old girl from Arkansas wrote. Bmc toys asking why they didn't have women toy soldiers. This sparked a kickstarter campaign that reached its funding goal in under twelve hours according to B. M. C. Toys. The plastic army women will include thirty six figures and twelve different poses and we'll be available in od. Green Tan and pink among the figures. Some of the most anticipated are Pathfinder captain running riflemen and military working dog and handler a separate rosie. The riveter figure will also be available in fall. Twenty twenty. Find the link to all of our new six reports at army way network DOT com. This is your eight of U. N. new six correspondent. Jillian mcnutt signing out. Jillions desire to bring us the most up-to-date military life news and her diligence and her concern for making sure that we are always informed if something that I'm really grateful for listeners. We will be right back after this quick sixty second. Rake engage educate encourage empower advertise. Awa and many opportunities for promotion of Your Brand Service or including Web creatives flog posts social media promotion giveaways and podcasts audio commercials. Email empower at army wife network Dot Com to get started. We sincerely thank you for your support to our military spouses families and their service members around the globe well listeners. We have reached that time in our mission to say that our mission is accomplished for this episode of Ada. Btr a quick reminder that we hope all of you will join US each Thursday at twelve pm eastern standard time for our weekly facebook live mill spouse empowerment moments. You can also subscribe to our podcast on the PODCAST APP of your choice and catch you episodes Mondays and Thursdays each week tune in for our next full length episode of Awt our when our eight of a UN command team member owner in Commander. Sharia knob block will be interviewing Kelsey Madden to talk about recovering from addiction. A mill spouses journey. It's going to be another empowering show listeners. We want to be a place that meet you right where you are. We are here. Cheering you on no matter. What military life. There's your way engage educate encourage army wife talk. Radio is your source for military life in parliament and this is your aws comanche signing out. Thank you for tuning into Army Wife. Talkradio views and opinions expressed in our show our personal. Awt are is in no way affiliated with the Department of Defense or any other branch of the armed services and inclusion in. Our show does not reflect endorsement by the dod any local government or their agencies until the next episode head over to www dot army wise network dot com chicken act with all of our empowering resources engage educate encouraged. Wfan is your source for military life empowerment.