20 Episode results for "Taylor Tomlinson"

ALN - Taylor Tomlinson

About Last Night

1:07:12 hr | 11 months ago

ALN - Taylor Tomlinson

"Hey that's US Cleveland Brown and you're listening to the about last night podcast. I Guess Yeah T. V. must be broken. Just can actually I'm not our kitten. You bought this weekend. I will be at the laugh factory on Saturday night at Eleven PM and the comedy store on Sunday at Eleven PM and and believe ten thirty in the main room. GET THAT TICKET INFO ATOM RAY COMEDY DOT COM Brad Williams has the weekend can often the next weekend he will be in spokane Washington. Go See Brad Williams and spokane Washington October third fourth and fifth with Brad Williams comedy Dot Com for tickets next week and I will be with Dan Cook in Ames Iowa on October third in Minneapolis on the fourth in Detroit Michigan on the fifth baby so come out and see me. Dan Cook all that ticket INFO AT ADAM RATE COMEDY DOT com. Today's episode is bonus episode. Oh yeah baby because what coming coming up on five hundred which will be the end of our boy Brad Williams with his run on the about last night podcast but don't fret changes are coming. good changes new fund changes. The podcast is not stopping so make sure you stay subscribed continue to tell your friends and family continue to rate that shit tunes and and comment on the I tunes page wherever you get it spotify youtube sound cloud keep on jamming with us because we ain't going anywhere but we'll take things up a notch and wishing brad the best in his journey with his family but we have big announcements coming from Brad and I next last week. some really big that we're doing. That almost seems too big but we're fucking. Doing it and it's going to be a a weekend chance for you. The fans to kick with Brandon I in other comics and bands and man. It's going to be crazy so stay tuned that Info will be released next week. today's episode is a bonus episode assode with Taylor Tomlinson you know or from her networks fifteen special. You're from Conan the tonight show what's happening. What's it's called the show with Fred Savage. There was fucking hilarious on Fox and she's getting ready to tape her first. Our NETFLIX special on November tenth at the Aladdin hadn't theater in Portland Oregon so hey if you live anywhere near Portland or even in the North West go see one of the funniest up and coming comics Taylor Thomas and and that ticket Info folks is go to her instagram at Taylor Tomlinson and get all the INFO or Google Taylor Thomas Netflix special November tenth Aladdin. Theatre the the APM show sold out so you gotta go late show which has got to be honest more fun anyway. It's the better show you know it's looser. It's later to go see Taylor. Tape refers is Netflix special and enjoy the hell out of this episode a bonus episode would Taylor Tomlinson continue to follow us on Twitter Instagram at Adam Ray comedy at AOL and podcast Cast Brad Williams comedy on Instagram Funny Brad on twitter read the room. My album still available on I tune spotify. Google play Amazon Music Goget that Shit Shit Damn Dude what else what else is going on why grinding right now man on a pitch and shows and trying to sell make movies. It's a it's a lot to the Hollywood grind it. Did it truly never stops and you just have to find the balance which can be can be tough but but we're doing it pods coming up to holy. Shit Blake Griffin Nicole Arbour Brent Morin Ron funches adjusted too many to mention a lot ahead of evers coming up heavy hitters Jeff Garland so get excited. Oh in Stamos can happening. I still can't believe it. have mercy all right now. They've got the tour dates twitter handles Merchantville out of the way sit back relax and enjoy a brand new episode of the Abou- Last night podcast gas bonus episode with the Hilarious Taylor Tomlinson again so you said down Taber a threes. Ah Oh good I had to do so helpless so your pod with Kelsey and pull this down in front of you or we already starting. Oh over starting with I thought we were just talking like people look. I thought we were just put up. Come on get your persona. I Love Adam every time he asked me a question that seems personal and kind and relatable. He starts recording it on his iphone content. We are developing developing a friendship. I was genuinely asking how your day was but then I thought maybe it's worth for the maybe they're getting the show. You can also so cut all this out. Oh great starting like ten minutes okay. Would you prefer that I don't know I just feel like I got ambushed and I'm not and there's no video wearing lip gloss and it's just a lot a lot for me or you can wear lip gloss for your Netflix special taping a Eh ten November Oregon Aladdin Theatre Pete Holmes shot his HBO special there. Eh Adam Corolla shot is special there yeah so look at that you're you're. You're going to that spot. I am I haven't been but I've heard like amazing things about it and that didn't WanNa yeah. I do somewhere like huge yeah. I think funchess shot not the most recent one but I think the one before there I could be wrong on that one. Do you have years about doing it somewhere. You haven't gone up before I mean maybe a little bit but I I feel like because I was able to see Pete's and like I feel like I know what it looks like talked to enough people who have been there and yeah. I'm not that nervous about it. Actually I'd be nervous. I'd be way more nervous performing in a theater that I had the open for someone else and that was like twenty five hundred seats or whatever like I felt really strongly that I wanted to be and they're doing two shows shows. Early shows sold out for the eight. PM There you go and that's when it's refine that's right. You'll know what little parts that you need to correct from the first the show and told you that I know when somebody will do two shows like they'll take majority from one. Maybe just like a couple audience chuckles. I feel like I've heard most people say like you're nervous on the first one and then by the second one you loosen up and you feel better yup well from what I saw at the charity show we just did. Oh Oh my God you're locked and loaded immediate thirty plus and I was like yeah. This is all ready to go for the look on your faces like charity I just I know you were saying something Nice Nice. Oh I was just remembering like what altitude I mean. 'cause I take off well. Let's see five minutes in. I was seeing a improvised song to a woman pretending to be heard drunk. Boeing where I was like. I dude ever I one fuck it all. I'm Katherine and assume that for a good seven minutes to sit in your house now flush it because I don can. I have this snacks account. I'm taking them. I'm Katherine because she literally at one point just goes dead silent transitioning between jokes trying to feel mouth. They were check dropped. As soon as I got up there and then they just were things just took. I think they were just done so they paid right so much. y'All get in checks on top for drinks. Yeah oh my gosh crazy. It's so when during a charity show and you and you want to be in a good mood because obviously leads for a good cause and then they're they're doing something fantastic but then you wanted to scream at every audience member like this is not supposed to go no and they're not they're not there for comedy show there to give money to a good cause and feel better about their their lives and they wouldn't pockets but there I mean it. It was every charity show every corporate gig every college show. You're just like how how are they. GonNa fuck this up well. I had a college show the next night at UCSD. That was horrible always so it was like it was like an incoming freshman. Show colleges are already like kind of Iffy and then and when you get there and they're like it's only freshmen so everybody's seventeen or eighteen I and their brand new and they're not comfortable and they have no friends they're in. They're hopped up on four. Loko and paid comedy ready and they're all like tr- like they're all they're in college. They're they're. They're freshmen in college so they're all like wait. What am I supposed supposed to do here. I'm freshman again. I'm in a completely new environment. I'm a little scared. I don't WanNA exactly open up and laugh at a joke where'd like sensibilities and like like your your young. You're tired of people telling you you're young in life. Eddie at play at the same time like the difference between seventeen and twenty five huge is huge. It's the biggest difference yeah like I'm ten years older than you and I think that we're closer in yeah since ability because I'm really immature. then you are to a seventeen year old incoming college freshmen yeah absolutely well and there's only so much crowd work you can even do because none of them have jobs. What what do you do here. Where are you from okay great fear from Temecula. You know know yet. I'm only nineteen gene man. They're all undeclared. So were you dating and they're like yeah. They're in community college back home and you're like well. That's doom and who said Love My. She's broken finger blessed by somebody else right now. You should move on who's learning a trade trade. WHO's a mechanic who who's WHO's not a Chicano studies major ager as a white person that because that degree will get nothing. Why are you here wasting your parent's money. Have you gone home to do a big to make the show era. Now they upswing some. Some paper interviewed me that to make time something like that it. It wasn't even to make specific but they were. They asked me so many questions about being from temecula and I was like I don't have much more to say about after the first one so so you grew up here and I was like yeah which is high school there and you know it's a good place to be from and grow up and then like by the do you want to say anything else about it and I was like no. Oh I really I can go the rest of my life without talking like I don't know if you thought I woke up today just like you haven't talked about a lot to make you the suburban suburban a waste. I hail from US yeah so weird. I mean you're from are you from Seattle. That's what it is and and when you go home. I'm sure that's great yeah. It's a cool place to be from for sure yeah I mean what is there like one thing you do you. When you go back Yeah Hug my dad. That's on my list yeah do that. There's nothing in Temecula. You can't get in. La Away you know what I mean like. Are there things in Seattle that you go back to your like. Oh I gotta do this. I gotta I gotTa you gotTa go day. Serandon taste tasting rain. It's better up there. Phil Collins Album the rain a good one breath outside. I used to think the air was clean. I mean and there is like a a vibe to it that I enjoy when I get back but it's not like you can't get that vibe elsewhere. I think it's just surroundings that make it feel yeah right obviously but now was this the was this okay and that's the end of the interview. I lean number in doing doing research. I've found one interview of yours where the where the headlines said Taylor Tomlinson knows how to own the stage eh recently so I don't know what you wrote for an article that high school because my because my question question is so how do you own the stage that you're using up all the reviews for your special current. Do you enchant audiences with your natural charisma and quick delivery just well. I'm a mythical creature. It's certainly I. It's always weird when you're giving an interview and you're like in. You're being honest and you're telling your story or whatever and then you just go and then you read the article later you're like Oh. That's the narrative they were going for right whether it be like something like that or I'm sure the woman just like so. Tell me everything temecula. This is your relationship with the city right. I did one with Forbes where it came out and it was like Taylor. Townsend is traveling with her comedy and I was like Oh you mean doing comedy. That's what we all. I mean thank you for but like like W- we're all doing. I'm not like a different spin on ladder in my point of view. Yes he's traveling with comedy so the alternative that he's not traveling comedy which means not working right so oh yeah yeah yeah. Have you gotten used to because you're headlining tons now so morning radio to dig. Gosh I'm so bad at it. I always try to do. Do you do material on morning radio. I try if something goes into something that organically but I try to like force myself to not what's that I just I feel like I can riff pretty well but like there are some if it's a new show or a big show and there's lots of people and they're just keeping it moving and they're not listening then then. There's an opportunity to do something that I'm not going to do in the show. It's like an old bit or something but like more often than not you know the the people are pretty like in Denver just talk about that like so many so many press things they were all like did a good job of like asking cool questions and listening so cool then I can just like guys in flow and because you actually give a shit but if they're just how great is it when you walk in you're like Oh you're good at this or you're fine our I can even thirty years but you're tired and bitter yeah yeah. It's it's such a relief as a comic where you go oh. I'm not going to hear the same three questions or five questions that I've heard how'd you get started in in comedy traveling with your comedy. I think what's it like being a female comedian. That's gotta be weird right getting away. Yeah I think I was in Cincinnati. I wouldn't doesn't morning radio. SOCK is going to be great. Hey I'm all about that your life and now if I agree with you I sound like a Dick and if I don't agree with you then I sound condescending yea yeah. I feel like I always ask. I feel like I always ask radio deejays like do you ever get used to waking up this early and I've heard them all say no and I'm like what you could. They have different life yeah. That was the most because I did it for Louis like four months. When I got the job I called a ball my morning show. Dj EJ friends and I was like all right when you get used to the time it's never like Oh why don't you someone told me that before. I took the fucking job because I mean you know grant. I guess I met my wife because of the job so I guess I guess it's fine positive gain out of it but overall you told me before like no. You never get used to that. It'd be like no take a bus. I met my wife She's no way to send her a time stamp yeah yeah. Oh God that's that's something I now have to deal with. She listened to the podcast. She doesn't but a lot of her friends and family do and then when they saw aw that's by the way second you know they're spinning it not in your favor of its anything if you're a person and I'm including my relatives that are listening to this show. If you're a person who who here's something slightly negative about someone in can't wait to tell that person that's something slightly negative said about them. Go Fuck yourself quake Klay. Quit your job at Costco work at Costco. You're getting excited. You know you're just like Oh my God so I know you're having a good day. Let's change what what's the worst thing. You've gotten in trouble for something about my in laws about about her. No it's not just about the people who made her who she is and all the things you love. Yeah Josie Weird. If you don't WanNa be talked about yeah yeah I I said I said something about her her sister on a morning radio show and and she heard about it. They're turning it up right now. Oh yeah leaning forward new we as now because you talked about your family onstage at four how do you do you get those phone calls from them or anything. I mean I just I did actually just run a joke by my grandma because I want to make sure it was okay with her. before I put in the special and it was not so I have to take it out no way yeah and it was. It was one of those things where it's like. It was something she told told us about her. That I thought was really funny and I tried to like package it in a way that it's like look. It's not about her. It's you know it's my great GRANDPA. Just change everything around it but I did run it past her and she would like kind of thought about it for a few days and then it was like you know what. I don't like that and I was like well. I would never do anything to hurt you so it's fine but like like jokes about like my parents. It's different because it's like. Will you did that to me my memory to this wasn't something you told me about yourself. Yes that we had together yeah so I can therefore talk about it but I do probably need to run by. Hold your grandma She's in her seventies. Yes she love her. No God no. I don't know that they'll even watch. I assume my family family will watch it. I would like my parents not to be kind of like my step. Mom was like I saw her last week and she's like now. When is your special again November shake now. Is that something you want us to come to and I was like. No you guys don't need to do that as a kid but like she thinks she's looking at my dad's but we would right and he was like. I mean you know if if you want us to and I was like you know I thought we'd kind of all come to an unspoken agreement that you guys don't do that anymore. Yeah Yeah my my parents have seen me performing a really long time last time they saw me was like three years ago opening for Brian Regan and then like a couple of times. They've been like Oh you were performing forty-five minutes from us. Should we have come and I'm like probably not and good for you for being like yeah no don't and our ELM it when my family's in the audience I'll change some stuff. There's some there's some stuff. I don't talk about because I don't want that phone call afterwards and especially if they're they're with their family friends whom I I know they're trying to impress and that's fine. Recognizing that is not a bad thing in putting it in a special. Oh no no I just want I want the best possible jokes jokes in if that makes fun of them then okay. You don't go there for that. How I'm struggling with that 'cause my brother-in-law is a white rapper and he's not eminem it crushes going in his best you know and he's we've just recently crushes it and construction and the wrappings. Kinda got and put on the backburner kind of had some rough patches so I was like I don't want to do anything that's going to continue to fuel the fire and maybe until they're completely maybe stable which is never going to happen. Completely can always be yeah but it's such a specific unique thing that I'm I gotTa talk about that and I have so much you you know so many things. I want to say but it's like again. I'm like I don't want. He's you know has a decent says the humor but like sensitive you know and you you don't want you don't want it to come up and like one of their fights or he's like well in your brother. Sun Tan amunition have anything anything like that other than the grandmas stuff are how how far I mean. Is there stuff you know. How much you're doing now has has been? I think you were telling me at the charity. Show the last couple years right this hour the yeah. I mean yeah a lot of it. I did the net flicks fifteen. It'll be two years ago in February knows the comedy Lineup Comedy Lineup Yeah Great Job. Thank you came here tonight. That was great and you did it and for those you haven't seen it. Watch it because I won't say other names but you got what what you were supposed to do in that special you said I got fifteen minutes fucking hitting the ground running and I'm going yeah. I'm not pausing. I'm not doing like what else should we talk about fifteen minutes. Go Yeah go did crushing. Yes to crush yeah I did that I didn't go. Oh and they're like you know what I'm going to see what happens. I want to travel with my comedy. I need to be taught yes. I mean some of the jokes I've been doing for a a few years and then some of them I mean I wrote in the last few months because there is stuff going on so it is always kind of constantly changing their jokes that I I have taken out of it because I'm like these are going to these are things I still want to talk about these things I want to expand upon these are things that I think I can mature with and these are things my grandma will let me say and the name of the special things my grandma let me say and then just kind of shaping it into what it is and I feel like now now. I I kind of have it but the hard thing is. I don't know if you guys feel like this. When you're about to report an album or whatever where when you're coming up with with new stuff you've course just wanted? That's what you're excited about your like. I'M GONNA put this in here and figure it out and knowing when to do that one to be like no. I'm GonNa work on this and that's going to be the next yeah. That's GonNa be on the next thing because you don't WanNa have that time where you put the meat of the bit in but then two weeks later you're writing new tags or like well fuck now now. I can't do this because as soon as it comes out right. I have to throw this away. So yeah yeah there is that there is party you where you're like okay. This is is the hour or this is the half for this whatever it is and in this is the next one going next one cause for this netflix specials at a hours at the half hour the killer awesome because just because somebody half hours right now and they're kinda cutting back and when I submitted an hour because is. Ai was headlining so I was like okay. I'm not gonNA like do a killer thirty for people who paid money and then do like thirty like kind of like I know this all doesn't really really flow but these are the rest of my joke. Everything's an order but I just submitted an hour thinking like this will prove that I can do a half hour like this'll brew beyond a shadow dove a doubt for a few months like thing so that's awesome you right on stage a lot or do you kinda craft. Everything and I need your phone or a pad or I. I need to like write it down before. I need to have an outline so that I can like riff on stage like if I if I rate eight on stage. I'm riffing. You know what I mean. I'm not like I have an idea and just like finding out like are you able to do that. I'm so jealous of people. Who can I mean I yeah I need a the base of a nugget released an some sort of a map of like what I WANNA talk about. If it is a completely I mean it's it's more fun to have a a real structured scripted base and then play off of that which I feel like I'm most effective like stew in that last things where I kind of beat it all out and kind of had the whole joke and then from that expanded versus just kind of going up and being like but I think there's value in that to just kind of having a little bit of something and kind of talking it out yes if you commit to it and you don't fail because then it's it's so easy to start on something and be like Oh yeah. I should've worked in that more do next time right. You know so so yeah. I like to get Kinda kinda similar. Go with a rough outline and then just try to find stuff. Hopefully remember it hopefully record it but yeah just try to find stuff the accord your sets everything yeah. I try to. It's I I go through phases though where I'm like I can't listen to my bill rates hard game to oh. It's the hardest thing is listening to headlining sets over again because it's just and then you remember things where you're like. Oh that's here comes. The part where the waitress comes was in and takes the order way too loudly set threw me off. Here's the Czech Spa. Here's where my soul died. Here's what we got him back and and here's where you can see the life draining from and here's what I did my closer but felt nothing. I freaked out. I won't say say where but there was a there was right before the check spot is where they do last call and literally a waiter walked through the middle of showman just went last call last call and I'm like jokes. I'm doing them right now for the train. Wow Yeah I mean going hogwarts. Is this yeah yellow so the people in the bathroom really. Oh Shit last call and then they run out like thinking thinking and I had to. I ain't doing this because I don't want to tell a waiter waitress. I do their job but sometimes like fucking after where I talked to her and be like dude. I don't know who told you to do that. I don't know but no no comics can be like thank God. He walked to the middle of my set off a little bit too. Yeah okay attitude about it. Yeah see if you're a new. You got to pipe down like you. I don't know that's so frustrating out. Even even hey like. I've probably been doing this longer than I've seen good waiters and waitresses and say he was told to say that no. He said that he he just said that. It's more efficient and I go yeah for you not the performance right here. Not I mean no one is sitting there going like you. You know where there's really good drinks the comedy club we should pay an additional twenty five dollars to sit down and buy a fifty dollar drink yeah. That's not why they're saying that because sometimes they are like nachos. Yeah you start talking. We gave her inaugural. Do you do you do you get out and about when you're too. I'll get to sad yeah if I don't like. I've started just like renting cars now. Oh cool not stuck Uber but then I'm scared to get murdered and it's just like yeah yeah we we had a few murderer on Kidman wrong. How did that go. I hello to you said No. I'm really good at actor. Yeah you had a lot of comics said the same thing yeah we're in and and that just think alone my mind where I go right yep like that's something. I've never considered house uber drivers to Chatty. I'm just like Oh like all right like I'll get through this conversation but not like oh I need to. Maybe you're going to get through this. Yeah Yeah like AH in like I've done this a few times where someone is hit me up and I've been in a town where I don't know what to do and someone just him on twitter and goes. Hey I have a podcast and you're in my town. Can Do you WanNa do my podcast. Go sure and just had them. Come pick me up at a hotel person. I've never met before then I go to their apartment and do a podcast. Why why the fuck would I do that diarrhea. Just this horrendous terrifying. I thought to myself wow it could have been murdered a podcasts killer yeah if Brad's wife's family is listening very self destructive too trusting yeah. I don't do drugs but man do I go to strangers home to do podcasts man. Do I formed acquaintance sketchy forty five. You guys ready to hang my favorite color but they're cool. Oh yeah all right yeah. No it is zoos parks like what's your the all that shit if there's a museum all up in their big museum gal museums yeah whenever whenever I am in a town if I do have someone driving me or him. I'm at the club or whatever or morning radio deejays a lot of the time where I'm like. What's what's there to do here would be good and people are always like these where the good bars are. This is where tall. I'm sorry I should've mentioned. I am not fun. So where should I go to a museum park. Is There Barnes and noble it just killing it just the noble. I don't eat both coffee shop with some books left. Ah Yeah Tha- THA- that is interesting when you say hey what is there to do here and you're like. Oh at night. Go to these bars and you're like do not know what I do for a living bars like why would I leave this power Yay yea. I'm going to drink yeah. I'm the bar that we go to will you chop it up with a strange. If you're an aquarium or I don't know a AH Barnes and noble at say and people like go around trying to make France sure. Do you do that no but I mean like if I chomped people along with that alone jacking around friends and then I'll just like start like I'll go back to their place. They're podcast podcast and then get into it and then I'm going to be on dateline dateline. He thought he was recording up but instead he was recording his murder in my life has but yeah. I mean I. I'm not like looking for but if I'm Mike you know let's say at a coffee shop and she's in. Oh you know somebody's reading something or listening are planning this minute. I I'll just you know I gotta be real lonely to do shit like you know like I don't go on the road long enough now to where I would need to like what I was doing colleges and I was really when I was like twenty one doing colleges. I remember there's one time I'd been on the road for like three weeks weeks and I went and got a haircut and like almost started weeping because I hadn't been touched human interaction gently washing your scalp and you're just like Oh God. It's been a minute. I'm feeling loved doing something time. Yeah there are there. Are those times winds. It'll be the town where there's nothing to do. Our been there already so many times that I've already done everything and then I'll just go out just to get out like you have to just walk around like I don't care. I'm GONNA walk like the firebirds. Restaurant is two miles down that way. I walk there. I don't care just so I'm out doing something I would love to walk two miles in town I don't I don't have that luxury but murder yup now. When you're on the upcoming impractical jokers crews will you you. I'm not doing that anymore and you know it so when you're going. Are you going yeah. Oh Oh oh signed back then too much going on. I might reps really. We wanted to do this other thing and I was like all right. We gotta pick like I can't those things yeah. I picked that over a friend's wedding. I think I made the right call. I picked a cruise over a family member cousin's wedding once I feel so bad I'm not trying to make you feel comedy cruiser a fun cruise. No it was a bad I think accounting Chris. It'd be better than yeah so sorry we shouldn't into this fine. That's fine. No we're we're now. We'll keep it all in. What is it like to fly commercial. After you've gone on the Conan I mean the whole time I was on the CONAN jet. I was like don't get used to this bitch like the whole time I was myself in. Check just like this is not yours. This is not for you. You were a guest in luxury so but yeah I think the first flight we all took again after that maybe not Ron Ron's on private jets before but I know like James each like sent us all like pictures of him on like Delta just just like what the Hell is very funny that is isn't it weird how like that. I feel this is true for a lot of comedians medians like when we get something good our first thought is don't like this too much. Yes Oh my God so true jets more more money love and devotion comfortable yeah yeah. That's what that's what you do like like yeah you. You have a nice sold out show. That's not the Saturday early show and it's like wow this is amazing. Don't expect this every time yes ask managing our expectations so sad horrible. We're not allowing ourselves to really enjoy. We're like keep it in check yeah. We'll get you happy. Who's going to be funny now for you. Listen to you. If you're George Lopez fucking talk show he was was like you know. It's just so different than his so I was playing Pebble Beach and tell you when you're lacking. Sudani was just like you know too much. is there what about that experience kind of like. I'm always fascinated by big experiences like that. Ah like what you take or if you just like that was just kind of like a Fart in the wind like I don't really reflect on that no wind I went on tour with Conan. And how would you describe it far. Ah I'm saying like was it just kind of like somebody go. Oh it's cool like again. Measure expectations do not try to like go. Wow it's cool cool. I got to do that like that means. I'm on the right path. Let me build on that or just go yeah. I'M GONNA get to do some cool shit and that was one of the things yeah. That was one of those things where you're like. Oh that's like a dream come true. I never even had the self esteem to have you know what I mean like. It's the kind of thing that you get and you're like that was amazing and I didn't even know I mean. I don't think he'd ever done on it before. Also isn't even a there's some things you do in this business. Really Oh my gosh. I'm finally doing a special. I'm finally doing whatever like I'm finally where I WANNA. I'm finally doing a movie and that was one of those things I would have dreamed of this but I didn't know I'd thing yeah. I didn't think this was a thing I could drink. I didn't have the origination nation for it. I'm not J. K. Rowling so it was so cool I mean the biggest takeaway from it was just like wow CONAN's really nice and funny and like like good at being famous like you see people like that just interacting with people out and about like I went to a museum with him on and the just took pictures of everybody Eddie was Super Nice and is like bits people are bits with people and that people just stare at him too long. He's just like hey. How's it going. Just the nicest most is comfortable person to the point where I'm like I. I don't think I should keep trying to be successful in this business right now that I'm not in. It's funny because then you listen listen to his podcast. He did an interview with stern and they talked about the performers mind. I was sitting on a flight crying and they got it so on an so dead nuts centered. I'm like someone fucking gets it and so to hear that he's that comfortable. Oh and he's doing bits and then knowing that I've heard this podcast where he talks about how scared he is and how insecurity is and how freaked out people recognize him. I go wow it's it's all. It's all a show. I gotTA listen to that will now. That bums me out actually really ruined. It really pulled the curtain away do you. I believe in love with kill that Shit right now. You're like we're all animals. What else makes you happy. Let's destroy what do you like. Gilmore girls off aw filmed a small stage in birding stop it did. Did you know everyone that was on that tour prior. No I didn't don't I yeah. I don't think I Moses Storm funches. I didn't go I wasn't we were all on different legs of it so I I wasn't on I wasn't doesn't on with Moses the Flu Lomborg leg fluid on the whole thing he was on the whole tour but he was the only one who is on the whole tour entertaining tasting. Dj Sidekick stuff right or doing standup he he did like he opened the showing like some standup. Song Oh my Gosh USA did like a song with Conan and helped Q. and A. and stuff so it was more of like not quite an MC because Conan was bringing people up but like more of that throughout the show on every day and then yeah it was me James Vh in Ron funches so you've done the tonight show and he done and you've done Conan most important question. Who has the better swag back. Oh I mean coney gives you the the popcorn I feel like it just depends on Conan took on his playing. Also I mean that's a pretty good I will say challenge thrown out or hot air balloon ready Jim. Here's what I'll say about it. I mean I feel the tonight show was it was so fun more fun doing the tonight show for the first time that I did doing Cohen for the first time because I had wanted to do Conan for so long so so is so built up in my head. I'd want to one of those clips from the time I was a kid. I was just like oh my gosh. I can't believe I'm here. I'm just floating over my body and by the time I got to the tonight show. I was like oh I can enjoy this missile. Remember this. He'll be fine so insane how that can happen. Sometimes you just need a couple of reps like like it's so weird that sometimes uh-huh it's just not it's until you've done something that you okay now. I know how to do this again. Yes exactly like I know the beats. I know what to be freaked out by. What not Pete freaked out by like like how it can just like us. Get more familiar with things. Yes absolutely yes so now the tonight show you're like all right. I've done Miss Yeah. I know what to do. I could sit here and enjoy and enjoy the popcorn get the that they give you a backstage. It was a few months ago I did count and again and I was just like Oh. This is just part of my job now. This is great. I mean people are less excited for you as it goes on once again like nobody's like this is awesome awesome. They're just like all right. Just what you do now. I imagine that's where it's like when you've had your sixth kid where you use walk up like we're pregnant. I like we know you've done this before. Kids probably a little more fulfilling than a late night set said all the childless narcissists in the room six kids very like how much cool DNA. Do you think you yeah yeah. What are you trying to. One of. My buddies in high school has six and I'm just like every time I seem like they're all great. This like I mean yeah. Give me a real answer. God I got shoes. I have to you and then went out and got a system because he's like I've got two good ones yeah yeah. It's only go down from here. Yeah like value in that Yeah I. It's like those movies where you make a clone of clone. It's like clone great. The clone of the clone not so much yeah. You'RE GONNA gets a roll the dice so many times I mean hell put catch up on his cocoa puffs and your it'll take him to school. I mean I'm sure my dad thinks of that. Whenever he looks at me as the youngest kid where he was like man. I had a really smart. One can meet over this famous. That's what are are you gonNA. Have Kids are wholly daughter. That's amazing. you know. God terrified makes us extremely terrified yet extremely confident. The competence only comes from because of who their mother is. My wife is going to be amazing that here that family. She's a black belt. She's with people she's tall so she has what you lead with okay things variation. Where are you have one small one tall. That's very true yeah. I did like how when you guys told me though there are things that you didn't know that you had to prep for yeah like like what was the taking her out of the crib right like the something. That was the right size for you. GotTa find a crib where I can take the baby out of the crib so I'm I'm just not like look around for my wife like why can't hop in there right. I'll get stuck on my gal in the crib weather just like I know I was hoping you had the ball in. This is my life now on the way out at six. At least you're wearing a diaper poo in the corner holding crawl over there. That's going to be horrible. There's certain and things like that or were. I'm a little nervous but overall. I'm I'm just I'm thrilled. I'm beyond excited and just it's. It's weird how I told him this where it's like when you find out that you're gonna be apparent all that shit that you were worried about before goes away could be because everything besides the kid yes. That doesn't matter now the other thing that messed up though is that I now realize that the wellbeing of my daughter depends entirely on my ability to come up with fucked up ideas now. It's four something now. There's a reason now someone's life depends depends on what she can contribute. She better better. Bring the weird yeah. They're having the baby for right materials. I mean Yeah I've done done the. I'M A midget material I've done my dad had cancer material now. I'm moving on to back now. I've got Mary Material. GotTa have a kid. What else raft left yeah. That's GonNa be a weird fight that I'll have with my daughter one time when she's like. I always like why. Why did you guys even have me material. Let me show you this special special material number yeah material art yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah. That's will you will get a probably. I'm curious to see how quick you know because think about any sort of big life experience like I mean that's one thing I feel like. We have a a cool spin on his being able to like get anything and immediately go. You know all right well. There's GonNa be some some jokes there right like especially with stuff. That's like negative or most yeah for sure right. I usually gotta hope it's not like to joyful oil like this really anyone else getting twelve hours hours asleep what else holding their daughter against their chest and just really feeling like it's all going to be okay anyone else anyone else feeling totally elden finally fulfil their purpose and they don't even really need this guy's dead tonight with like your life just has meaning for the first time ever in your sole. Purpose of existence was discovered. Anybody staged fun stuff tonight well. That's my fear about having kids like once. I have someone one that loves me unconditionally. WHY WOULD I go on stage again. That's all I'm worried have that conditional love right for the lack of uncondemned indexed now when you were going through a moment that is let's say stressful or traumatic or anything like that. Is there part of your brain that you have to go. Hey stop writing jokes right now like Marley or you constantly thinking about that while it's happening no. I'm in it going. You better start thinking jokes so so this is worth it. That's yeah oh I WANNA get to the joke as quickly as possible because I don't want to. Just sit in the pain like if I'm if I'm going through something. Being toughened people like well. It's going to be good material. I'm waiting for it. You know I gotta get some distance from it. Sometimes too painful things really painful I. I know something's really painful. If I can't write a joke about it immediately yeah that's always bad through but then if I can write once I read a joke about it. I'm like all right now. This is money start art to heal. Yeah I took your bullshit and I made money putting in Smart other bits right now that you the you're just a super excited about that year. makes every night on stage just like worth it on. I mean I'm trying to write. I I had a nice set last night in the belly room where I started with something I knew worked in ended with something like the thirteen minutes in the middle. Were just like this new stuff. We're figuring out and enough of it worked. I was like Oh thank God. I'm being productive and I am excited. I've never been in the position where I'd dump material and I have to start over and obviously you know by the time you actually film something you you have some bits already up and running. You'll write faster really because you'll be desperate. Thank I and you're I'm just GONNA be an e right after film special your next time on stage you are shocking shit against the wall and hoping it sticks like like every little thing thing that happens in your daily but you're beacause there's that desperation and that need you. Just try harder you. We do more and you'll find more bits so I think you're going to be shocked. At how fast you right okay. That's good here okay. Here's my question for you and ask you for advice after you film. Do you take time off. What do you do do you go right back or right back really and I and I go back to doing an hour as well really like. I don't have the material yet but the special you gotta do some hits yeah but but the special hasn't come out yet right so I take that is the challenge of go it takes. You know whatever never four months five months especially out so you could still take a couple weeks ago to decompress but you don't at all. It's like three days later. I'm back back in Wisconsin. I've always said that I would yeah and then I just get antsy. Your livelihood to in there and you want to write and people. It's hard to say no. It's it's hard to like. It's it's really are. I'm trying really hard now to take one week off a month not tour but it's Arca sometimes major. We'll call me and be like hey so I know you have one week off in May but here and there's money and there's a stranger who wants podcast moines basement and maybe a microphone yeah record. He's got headphones for you in a mass name. The podcast is recording your demise. Are you into it yeah sure but we don't know you're going to die the guy's name. I I WANNA make sure we get we talked about this before or you go because you guys have both have a quick and you. WanNa be ruled. Give a quick text. I should say She said that's totally fine. I just get here when you can of course but I want. I want make sure it's running assigned. Okay okay five or so you who are doing this show. Did this show what just happened. Oh yeah average Fred savage. The Voice of Honda Sorry Adam the voice of Honda and the Voice of day. How do you think this is. I'm learning doing a show with Fred savage but we do this show is I had to read the description of the show and watch clips. This show a few times before I got it yeah yeah then I finally once I got audit. I was like really Oh shit. This is good. It's so funny yeah. We filmed it back in May and June so it's been a while and then yet it's done airing now is only nine episodes but I'll let you explain it to our listeners so basically I mean you have to know what the talking debt is to explain it to people. I feel like I've tried to explain it to like family. Members of mine and you explain what an after show is so if you don't know basically talking dead is is just an after show that talks about the walking dead and airs immediately afterward so what just happened was a parody of that so they cast fast and films a fake show called the flare based on fake book series by fake author author all of which they made up a twitter forum they cast real actors in it happen Zegers what a very hot and just like really committed to the a bit and then the every episode begins with a clip from the flair and then the credits roll it turns into a small box in the corner and then it's Fred savage talking talking about this fake show does not exist crazy sentence and then being fred savage doing anything inserting play. Ping bond like I'm in. I only watch that and I don't like auditioning for a lot of stuff because I'm just like. I'm not going to get this like what's the point and I'm not an actor like I'm a stand up and this was something that they brought me in for the addition was like chemistry read with Fred Savage Trials Fun. There's a good time we want you to come in and improvise for twenty minutes. It's like you don't know who Fred Savage's and I was like hysterical. Let's do and Lake a few days later. They're like you got it and a week later we were filming and it just was like such a positive it was just such a positive experience on every level where I thought the idea was so funny and different and and interesting and everyone was so cool and nice and funny and I mean just to do an entire show. That's just a bit. It was so funny yeah I looked at twitter twitter like the night it premiered and half of the comments were like this is the most brilliant thing I've ever seen and the other half were like what the fuck is this. which is I know what you want what you because you almost don't want to be that show that everyone can get? You're like like no. I won't be special. Yes I want me that. Show that confuses the fuck out of some people and then some people get it and they're like that's brilliant. Yeah you want to be like a cult right right right right to your grandma dig it. I don't know if they watch it. My Parents Watch it now like we liked it. I don't know if they got it liked it. They like seeing you on TV yeah when you're on TV you're wearing makeup which is nice for a change in swear. We really enjoyed it Kevin Arnold. Yes you yeah. I didn't do your savage research. I mean I know what the wonder years is but I didn't really watch it. I think ended a little monsters and I was a kid. No I didn't I was was like princess bride. Okay okay well there. You go little monsters. Fred savage plays a kid stretch kid and Howie Mandel was a monster mister. That's under his bedroom in his closet under his bed. Yeah it was bad and bring savage. Nowadays like probably could make this movie because it's like what are you going with guys like he's a monster. Oh surely yeah right and so he goes under the bed secret monster world and live action and like it becomes kind of a heartfelt film or like I think Howie Mandel character ends up dying turns into like a soup or something where he talks. It's like like the first time I've thought about this movie in thirty years but Okay Yeah I. I think like the monster how he wants to become like real or Fred. Savage wants to become a monster so they can like stay friends forever or something like that. It's really hard yeah. It's GonNa Watch that tonight. That's a metaphor for yeah. That's a nice movie about a pedophile priming his target. I it's really great in the nineties. Where everything was Chad was is okay. You didn't see subtext. Are you more. Does that make you more excited and pumped into another like TV. You know anything just getting that getting comfortable that it environment no no I. I don't know I'm I WANNA do my own thing. It was cool to watch people working on and something that was so clearly there baby I respected and they let me you know improvis- and and be a part of it in a very big way but it wasn't my thing in which was also nice because I'm like okay. I mean if I if I bomb align like who cares. It's all money but like they it was cool to see people going like Oh. We've been working on this for two years and we've got to do it and we finally get see everything coming together not like that's what I WANNA do. It seems it seems like there's a lot of improvisation. Yeah you guys are going for. It's really funny funny comedy to Piss you off and some people that are like that talented so mad. We're like Oh. You're good at more than just like yeah he is. He has his family on an episode. He's got a beautiful family or just like this is dumb like you can't have everything everything was ben savage there no that was that was a bit we did on the show. I think the I don't know if they kept it in. I think they did best. Coast was the house band Bethany when she took the meeting actually did was in her head. She walked in she was like I thought that was a real thing that happens them which I it was very funny so I think talk show is like not not crazy like Taylor talk because you're so good on helpless podcasts with you and Delaney and but it was scripted I mean what just happened was script. Yes Oh made. It seem a conversational. Yes seemed very natural. It seemed I'm like it was just a lot of there's some shows where you watch and you. That's you can tell they're having fun. Yeah like you could tell you guys are just like I imagine you would read those scripts and be like I'm doing what today it was. It was very much like this is ridiculous like they did a whole episode where my parents came which they even. Would your parents know they were like they. They have a caste. My parents and the whole premise of the episode was that my parents didn't approve of Fred as a co host for me and and we like Rob Lowe and they had me in like saddle shoes the whole time they like dress me up like I was in from the fifties like I was trying to impress my parents. It was so silly and then by the end you find out the reason my parents don't approve is because my dad was an after show talk show host in the seventies whole they filmed the whole fake documentary of my fake dad in the seventies doing an after show and the fact and he didn't want me to be a co host of an after show because he accidentally killed his go to murder me by accident. It was so stupid I just picture some guy pitching this in in the room and as you're saying this right now like how great is it something. I pitched that and everyone just went yeah yeah. That sounds great. It was hard to get made because they they didn't get it. Even when I went into Fox they were like we're going to show you the pilot so you get it and I was like I think I get it. I totally get it and they're like. We're going to show you though and then. I wash it and they're like so. Is that what you thought it was. I'm like yeah that's got it. They're like okay we. It took us a minute. You clearly like they need and then I was talking. I got dinner with a couple of the producers the other night and they were just saying like yeah. They'll even the way it was. You know set up there like it would have been cool like I mean it's great that they explained it to people but it would have been cool. We thought to have just like just totally promoted. It like the floor was a real show and not told anybody the bit and just let people oh think like but where's the show we want to see you. Watch clips from the fake show and you're like hopefully will produce a cool. Sifi looks awesome looks. It's like I it took me. Two episodes yeah to realize a flare is not a show legit. I was very and I was Kinda mad right but then there's kind of like oh no but this is like but once you get it now now you just feel like you're in the club and you you have the best inside job. Love love anyone so I if one of those people it's like. I don't know what to watch right now. Arne Ozark and I've already gained her. Every episode is to the thing right if everything's the same. You're boring with some TV watch what just happened on Hulu on Hulu. It's fucking great. It's great right and then save for. Is there a special date yet no no. I mean it'll be on Netflix sometime next year. Set Your calendar for November December Tenth Aladdin Show Aladdin Theatre. I one sold out so don't even try don't even try. You'll feel stupid yeah but if you really WanNa make make if you really WanNa make Taylor feel special make those like bootleg concert shirts and sell them outside of the character serve me with huge cheeks everything I feel uncomfortable about. There was like sometimes that's what I want. That's like my next goal. What was a comic is to be so famous that have bootleg merch outside of my show so so some guy on the street oranges Brad Williams concert t shirts like fuck yeah. He approved the no. He's making money off these. I swear it just make these on my side Brenner. That's another dream. I didn't know I could have right now. I do there. You go something be aware for the netflix special. If you're in the Portland Oregon area you're gonNA crush go yeah. You're all you're always good good always funny and genuinely and sincerely a person that when I see at the clubs I'm always in a better mood once I see you. Oh that's nice. I feel the same way so you guys didn't jump on board that included. I'll be honest Brad. seemed like he wanted to compliment to himself but that was baby. He's going to do a uh-huh feel about you know I appreciate that I'm getting better and expressing expressing love and you'll continue to be thank you pretty dope Ivanka on pretty awesome. Yeah I think so yeah yeah I mean there was a time when it was when when my rapper brother-in-law wasn't there that I felt like oh I think I'm just going to edits the you know they were filling the void because I was really around a lot but also now it's like I'm having to play good cop bad cop 'cause they're comfortable enough around. Tell me and I'm comfortable enough around them but it's like I am kind of additional parent but also they're starting to get like Shitty bitchy snappy county all the things all the fun adjectives and where I'm like oh I I can't allow this behavior to continue into a habit. That's bad and also I'm like they. They look at me for all the fun but but so when I'm bringing some heat then they're like Oh shit will he's kind of upset about that. Then that must be this must be real because he just wants to go to the mall and ride the furry animals the robot animals at the mall. I know what you can do it for hours but then it's like you know they're certainly hit puberty yeah yeah. You don't want any part of that. Fox News was like I'm glad we have hair down. There now. Coy Literally asked where he wanted to go to lunch. I guess this is is an option but you're too cool for the scooters that do I need to do before that's good. I hope they don't ask that like as you're running a school like. Do you have hair down there because if you don't you're not gonNA bubes the tall enough. Do you want kids yeah yeah I do. Unfortunately I think onto girls. I feel like have that number locked in yeah. Yeah Yeah Yeah Girls. No we've been thinking about it for a while. Good needed buddy yeah. You need a buddy exactly and there'll be a monster. I can't even date only only children. I can't do wow what a good an only child don't come to my show. Eh Go do not hit on me if you don't you. You've never shared a bathroom. I don't want you in my life Zan. You'll be a shock to your system. Yep when you actually have to do it when someone else in your world will matter. Do you like to be on one side of the bed. No Mike Mike or because a lot of sleeping bag because somebody puts you there yeah just me no you didn't lock you guys sleeping bag. You got locked in zip well. Oh I guess zipped up yeah. That was that's birthday party. It was like I was just under trying mind like hang out with them and and and we are on the sleeping bags playing hide and seek or maybe you know the way that's how Jason Killed Awesome one in one of the Friday the thirteenth movies I was sleeping bag and then then picked her up in slander against a tree okay so it was probably the slamming ah I would think for a minute so scary yeah now why you're a comedian for sure because I was gonna say yeah. I wasn't the first second I was like. Oh maybe they'll like you know I can pretend to go asleep and listen all the girl gossip stuffy in here guys nice guys in silence. She my Mom Dad. She has been cake won't cake. We'll get out of your priorities have changed. They were all right November tenth. Aladdin theatre to- Thomasson DOT COM T- Tom Comedy Dot Com and that's on twitter instagram Ah Taylor Tomlinson Yeah Fuck you then make sure you see you're on the in on the impractical jokers cruise through the great said timed it out. It's GONNA be fantastic. Spend in your heart and money to go. See your on that cool to do all right. Let's go to the lab so we saw aw tail so you just tell them that. Bray Eh podcast. We'll we right back. Hey everybody it's me Tony Danza. Thanks for listening to the about last night podcast. We Williams hit Adam rave boy. There are a lot of fun wants you subscribe on. I tunes to this podcast. Give them a five star ratings of this midget and you can feel good about themselves. A couple minutes also get on your iphone vulner- android and get the podcast you can also listen to it on stitcher or about last night podcast dot com where you can hear past episodes with great debts like Lisa Kudrow who drove Paul Kevin Neal and sagging Dion Coal Crystal Leah Adam Devine Michael McDonald's Julia White but Friedman Stevo Harland Williams. Tom Arnold Ron funches Rick glassman Blake Anderson on his own decimate Peluso Joey McIntyre and many many more. I'm Tony Owning days so thanks for listening to the about last night podcast goodnight. That's it right got it sweet. Boyce both good that booth by the way we're GONNA Kate. Who is it Hanako Willow Nice me. What's up dog. This is your paled bugs. Logs bunny say yeah. I got a question for you. Do you know who has the head Elmer Fudd and the body of Foghorn Leghorn why debts Atom Rain Bread Williams. Ain't I a stinker.

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Episode 1114 - Taylor Tomlinson

WTF with Marc Maron Podcast

1:41:32 hr | 4 months ago

Episode 1114 - Taylor Tomlinson

"Hey folks turn your great idea into a reality with squarespace squarespace makes it easier than ever to launch your passion project. Whether you're showcasing your work or selling products of any kind with beautiful templates and the ability to customize just about anything you can easily make a beautiful website yourself and if you do get stuck. Squarespace is twenty four seven award. Winning customer support is there to help head to squarespace dot com slash WTI for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch us the offer code W T.F F- to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain who man. Let's do the show all right. Let's do this. How are you? What the fuckers. What the Fuck Knicks? What the protesters. What's happening I'm Marc Maron? This is WBZ at my podcast from inside the house inside the garage man people were going nuts and I get it I get it. I was going nuts but I you know I go out and I run and shit and I try to stay sane. Trying there've been a couple of nights where I wake up and I'm freaking out. How you guys doing man. I'm fortunate and I know that in the sense that like I. I'm okay for now but I know that's not everybody story and and I and I. I want to be empathetic with that and say you know I feel for you. I been where you are but in this position in this situation where we're helpless powerless to change anything tough and I'm sorry that we're all going through it and I wanNA make sure that I keep my empathy. 'cause I'm not naturally fully empathetic like I feel things. But they're usually in relation to me like So it you know. In order for me to kind of engage that muscle and really can get things into perspective. I've got to meditate on it a minute and I realized I wanted to make sure that I understand out loud that you know I am grateful for a lot of the people that are going to work amidst this fucking nightmare. First responders healthcare professionals people delivering food. I know services paid to this but I don't think there's ever going to be enough ever going through it. Or in retrospect there are people that are really stepping up and that are really being self within this maybe some people out of necessity but some people truly have the heart to be selfless and you know it is a holiday period for some and I it just I just WanNa make sure I put that out there to remind myself and everybody else that You know we we get selfish. You know we think like well this is fucking inconvenient and here. I am living a life of of leisure to a degree though with Again with the sort of constant current of terror anytime go out in order to do an essential bit of business. Grab some food. Take a run wearing the mask. A lot of people making masks. I've I've not had any problem adjusting to the masks and seeing people with masks. Yeah get the right master. Pass out if it's too thick you might you might blackout. Then you're GonNa think you have something wrong and then you can end up in the hospital and you know. Expose yourself to other possibilities. Take up valuable time for someone to tell you that you hyperventilate. Because you were breathing your own air in breath into a mask and right back in again. There's nothing wrong with you Get a different fabric. Your okay by the way my guest today Taylor Tomlinson. I'm sure most of you have watched your special by this point. Quarter life crisis it's now streaming on net flicks. Just a bit on Youtube. I believe with her her boyfriend who is also a comic Sam Morale. Who's going to be on Thursday? Show both of these interviews. This week are a post quarantine interviews people that came over in the amidst the whole shelter and distancing rules be part of this essential service. The podcast we took proper precautions. We took pictures at a distance. And we did it. We overcame it. But this is in real time real face to face shit. Six feet apart folks six feet apart so a couple of months ago folks. We put out a special edition line of Merch to celebrate the first ten years of WPF and the response was so great. We made a second line of posters. T-shirts new enamel pins. These are all new designs by the same artist. Johnny Jones and you can get another limited edition. Poster signed by me a new glow in the dark t shirt and a tentacle head. Enameled pin. These are some great trippy designs by Johnny. And just like the first batch were only making one run of this stuff will post pictures on twitter and instagram. And you can go get this stuff it pod swag dot com. So I W T F or go to W. t.f pod dot com and click on the merchant dig. It I want to tell you that sort of trust the film that Lynn Shelton made that I am in along with Michaela. Watkins Jillian Bell John Bass Toby Dan back style. is now on showtime both Unscheduled viewings and you can stream it on showtime. It's now if you have showtime you can watch sort of trust enjoy it so I was talking to you the other day I. That monkey was experiencing difficulty breathing my near sixteen year old cat and had to go to the vet and I explained to you. The process hadn't done the process by did the process man. Right after I talked to you on Thursday I got him in the cage. Active quick had it open. Top Motor dropped him in there. He freaked out but he didn't shitter. Pissed which is progress drove the vet got there about ten minutes before they came back from lunch parked behind the place. At two o'clock I called into the front desk said Got Monkey out here and they will send somebody out. They send somebody out took monkey in a waiting. Got a call from the front. How you want pay for this paid for it on the phone. They brought monkey backout brought him home. I think he's doing all right. Doctor checked up on me. It's fucking heroes man. I mean people some people they got your fucking pets and these people are working. They're working people working to save human lives but they're also keeping pets alive which are helping keep people sane and emotionally connected. Don't WanNa fall into yourself or get sick also saw movie. I never seen before. Not a criterion trip. It's weird man. I just had this craving to see some some early James Caan old Footage of the tough Jew. Then we found this movie called slither worst tidal kind of a great movie. Though kind of great little comedy from the seventies early Seventies. James Caan Peter Boyle Sally Kellerman Allen Garfield is in it rest in Peace Allen Lost Allen Garfield last week days ago. Alex Rocco is in it. It's kind of a great little movie. Sally Kellerman play my mother. I'm married and I love her and I hope she's OK. Alex Rocco who played Moe Greene in the Godfather did one of his last bits of acting on my show Merrin With Elliott Gould. It was L. Equal Alex Rocco on that episode tremendous man. I've had some good moments in my life but this movie is kind of crazy. It's kind of a crazy movie and I recommend it because it's got that seventies vibe but it was before comedies became overwritten Anderson genuinely kind of funny shitting there and James Caan is just playing like an ex con oddly but kind of a sensitive guy kind of a you know slightly scared guy and it's kind of genius. There's there's bits between Kellerman and conway just great and Peter Boyle is great. I just maybe it's just me but I never heard of the movie so I had rented on. Itunes it's called slither. See I guess. I guess the problem was really that there was so it. Sounds like a horror movie and there was our movie called swither but this is so whether it was in nineteen seventy three. It's just a great little seventies movie that I knew nothing about okay. That's all all right. Also maybe the gambler be good. Original gambler wasn't that Misersky. Am I making that up? Somebody helped me. Hey Google who directed the gambler with James Caan? Gambler was directed by Carol Rice. Oh really why was I thinking Mizurski? That's weird hey google who wrote the gambler with James Caan. The gambler s story was written by James Toback and FYODOR Dostoevsky toe back. That's it James Tobin in Missouri. I got them confused. All Right Folks Look. We could all use a change of pace these days. Why not get working on that project? You've been putting off Whatever it is you WanNa make squarespace can help you. Turn your dream into a reality. You can easily make a beautiful website for whatever it is you're looking to do. There are lots of people doing stuff from home now. So you can just make your stand out with square spaces. Beautiful templates created by world class designers. And you can customize just about anything with a few quick squarespace also has twenty four seven customer support so there will always be someone there to help and you'll never need to do a software update squarespace takes care of that for you. Everything is optimized for mobile right out of the box and there's nothing to patch up great ever squarespace empowers millions of people. Turn great ideas into something real. So what are you waiting for? Head discourse based DOT COM slash WTI effort free trial. And when you're ready to launch us the offer code WPRO to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain that squarespace dot com slash W. t.f offer code. Wt F so. Tell her Tomlinson. I didn't know going in pitched. She's a comic. She's a fan of this show and I didn't know her. I've never seen her before I didn't know from around. I don't know where she came from. An I prejudged her special. Yeah Mike Who's young comic that all of a sudden can just do an hour and it was tight and well written and well performance. It's good. She's good comic and I and she's young. She's in her twenties. I was like how do you get that much shit together? I'm trying to think. When did I give sixty seventy eighty three ninety three? I was thirty two before when I did. My half hour barely had it together. She's like twenty seven or something when she did this anyways. This special is called quarter life crisis. I enjoyed it. She's great and she's got a great story. I was happy to talk to her. I'm happy that she came over. She was the first six feet apart. Guest that hasn't been many censor- There's only been three in total. But this is me talking to a Taylor Tomlinson so we have to six feet. I mean you're you're right on there okay. All right if you'll far enough away. I've everything you need. There's hand sanitizer. Look at this some rubber gloves on the rubber gloves. I mean I I was just like I don't know how nervous he is. It really comes down to. I don't know I've been out I've been to supermarkets. I'm not worried about you giving it to me but I don't know me right you. That's exactly how I felt too. I mean when my team was asking me about doing podcast I was like Gimme like one more week. Yeah that I haven't been on a plane right because if I give Marc Maron Corona virus. My career is over. No it's just as it's beginning over. She killed the king. No one no one's going to blame anybody. I'm the king of what I mean. The kind of comedy I I feel like I have to say this top and I'm certainly makes you uncomfortable. Sounds exciting. This is like my oldest comedy dream of. You started this podcast six months before I started doing comedy which was my junior year of high school. So like a little over a decade ago Nine right and so listening to this. Podcast is like how I learned how people became comedian. Really Yeah when I started in a weird way. I started in like churches and stuff. Okay wait let's go back so okay. So you're listening to my show secretly. Y- lifted listening to secretly. When you're nice school yeah no. This is not something. I was throwing out in the car with my dad right. Nobody and I'm sure your friends are like Marku. You are the only comedian I've ever paid to go see when you are when I when I turned eighteen. We're at the Ice House in Pasadena and I've never been to a comedy club a fake. Id Good Kid. Yeah and it. Was You headlining with Eddie? Pepe tone and Maria Bamford. Oh Wow yes insane I remember. I sat in the back of the Ice House. I still feel this way when I perform there and just felt like. Oh my God. It's supposed to be like this. This is how it's supposed to sound the album's to this is. It was like the huge turning point for me and as was listening to your podcast. So yeah this is like very surreal for me. Oh welcome nice to have you thank you. I didn't know I don't know who you were. I know how it how was I going to know who you were? That's the weird thing about like in these specials come out and yours came out when it come out few weeks ago week before yours I think. Oh so we're on the same. Kind of cluster. Yeah we before yours. Oh okay so you're still really doing press around that. I mean I was right now. Everyone's kind of lake nervous about it and we do anything. Yes still doing like over the phone riding the thing. That's weird about Netflix. No you have no idea how many people are watching you can do is watch twitter. Watch whatever you're doing whatever platforms you're on our people watching those four people seem to. I got nine tweaks today. That means what times a million net must be. How many people but you come out and Mike. We're the fuck but I don't know all the young people who are doing the young up and comers and you're dating you're dating Sam Like I know that guy because I think he middled for me in men out. What's that one Sunnyvale Oh a rooster rooster tease. I think Sam middle for me rooster. Tease wants it. Must have been almost you know probably eight years ago. Yeah like But I know that I didn't know he was out here. Yeah he's out here now for the research future. He was out here visiting and he had already been out here a lot. Okay right so he wasn't living you're just stuck with them now right yeah very happily stuck with them but he he lives in York. He's never going to move. I live right here. I'm from California. So he looked out to get out of there. I know you've been out here. I mean he's he's been out here since the eighth man. 'cause it's a fucking disaster there. I imagine it's going to get that way here to some degree but like we're naturally sort of isolated as people here got our communal experiences. Not like New York where you walk outside and you're in it. Yeah and you just rely on public transportation. Everything we all have cars. There's people everywhere all all around you all the time. Yeah he got out. Yeah I mean he he was considering going back on like the twelve oh like he is a New Yorker like he felt very loyal. You should go and I was kind of like I mean I totally get it if you if you feel like you need to but I feel like it would be safer for you. Just not say you get on a plane. No Good Call. How long you been with that guy like six months? Okay okay all right so I don't e- obviously. There's no reason that I would have known you before I mean. We don't seem to travel in the same circles but it is kind of daunting in and impressive that you know. How old are you twenty? Six Twenty six. And you've got that like our collective solid shit looks pretty honed. Pretty tight pretty revealing. You got a good pace to you but you're talking about some pretty daunting personal shit. Oh thank you mullany like it sneaks in. You're like this guy this kid's chippers got good style. Wow that was kind of dark. What just happened. Yeah no definitely tricking people. There was darker stuff. I didn't put in this special because I was like. If this special goes well maybe then people will come see me on purpose and then I can be a little more honest so like the new our that I was doing on the road Rape before You know you can't do shows anymore. Was like much darker much more personal and even I DID HILARITY IN CLEVELAND. Two days after the special came out. Yeah it's nice that guy. Nick Yeah Nigga salmon them and goes a manager there goes yes so did you get any pushback from your raps about how much darker you are now and I was like no I don't but they haven't seen it yet I guess or is it personal. It's personal yeah yeah. It's a lot like jokes about like losing my mom as a kid that I just didn't put in this one because this one about my dad is still alive which is take the ship. Were just throw data bus for awhile. It is a little bit I mean I feel like I cook in debt but but yeah no. There's there's more to be said about my dad for sure. Yeah and about your childhood. In general. What's delicate balance? You know because I had to deal with that with my special but it wasn't so much personal darkness. It was a general sense of forboding doom which I think resonates with people. But if you're not careful not unlike personal darkness you people will get to a point where I all right. We're good. Yeah so you gotTa Balance It with these other bits You know the kind of structure it so people don't go off the cliff and they're not gonNa look at you and she's got problems right. This is sad now. We're all GonNa die also supplements seemed like bullshit right. But I've done this sort of personal thing to to an extreme as well Through different Parts of my life. I don't know what I was doing at the Ice House but some of that stuff gets kind of waiting and you have these people that are like well. I mean is this therapy. I hate that funds. It's like no. It's organized structured. Funny things about sad parts of my life designed to make you laugh. Yes right rap. -solutely don't you hate when people ask you? Oh my gosh I mean. I have a lot of jokes about therapy. Now which may be headed off a little bit or maybe leans into it. I can't tell but yeah no I hear people say that not to me directly but about other people with therapy or something razor just civilians out of their comedians. And I don't know I personally love it. When comics get really dark impersonal. So I feel like I don't totally understand it but I could sort of sympathize with an audience on the road. That is just trying to have a night out and got a baby sitter that I don't. I don't owe them an apology. I'm not everyone's idea of a night out. It's like you got Google like look me up. Yeah yeah dual research at this point. Yeah kind of but like you've experienced that like the nature of yourself for material especially if it's dark and also part of me watching your Special Mike. How how big of a problem could it be? She's twelve this big life crisis. She's having how much you're gonNA empathize for the girl who's complaining about her quarter life crisis but it really. I think it seems like about a third of it is really dealing with being your age and the other bid is about how you grew up right. Yeah really yeah and just not feeling ready to make any decisions that would move my life for work except that you have this incredibly tight our stand up clearly you've been working on diligently and in a very focused way yeah definitely but that's just because I think I'm GonNa die really young so I think. Oh Yeah I mean when your parent dies really young you go. Oh I'm guess I'm going to die at thirty-four also God thirty four thirty four so every time I get something in his business. I'm like well I mean I'm about to die so it makes sense that the universe would God or whoever would give me this before I die. I mean when when everything went down like a week after my special came out here we go. This is funny. My came out a week after and I felt the same time. This just right. I mean I was talking about. This makes perfect but I didn't think it made perfect sense because of course I'm GonNa dial like I did it over the wire. This is great timing for me. Bad timing for the world yes exactly. Do you feel like people are more likely to find your special and watch it because of the name or for sure. Yeah I mean that's what I thought too but then I was also does that mean. Do you think people are also like I don't want to think about the fact that it's the end time so they'll avoid because I'm the diversity like wants to watch contagion right now right now. It's a lot of people are a lot of people are on the other side of it. Is PEOPLE GOING? I would never again. I think that's wearing out though. I think that like in times like these. People are painfully aware of what's happening in the desire. To distract yourself is is heavy but you're also very onto it like when you're just going through life and your problems everyday problems like check out however you're going to check out which is like most of your fucking day that you know you're not thinking like I'm dying so I I think the idea of checking out. Now it's a little more loaded because how you GonNa do it like I'm just GONNA get my mind off and you're not doing anything else but stealing home sitting wondering how this is. GonNa Fuck and Pan out so you might as well look at the worst of it but watch contagion to see what we're up against Google. The end they find a vaccine so it without break. Yeah they find the monkey at the end of outbreak right if the end was there's no more earth than I wouldn't watch. That just came on. Was THAT OUTSIDE. I'm having like wow but now I feel like I've I've dealt with this special guests. You know this happens and this is the new space and this is not as noisy. Could be but it won't last forever. Yes this pandemic we hope I hope. What are you doing? What am I doing for this pandemic situation? Oh my gosh I mean. I'm I'm lucky that Sam stayed here because I mean I was not going to go see my family or anything coming off of two weeks on the road where I was like Vegas to New York to Cleveland Bright. I was like all right. I guess I have to not see anybody for two weeks but he was also coming off of being on the road from here to there to wherever and so and we had already been together for a few days. Okay if you have it or I have it. We've given it to each other right. Let's hunker down here. I mean or you can go back to New York and also self Isola- in which case we would have been on facetime all day but for us. It's pretty nice because we're long distance. We've never gotten to like hang out the hang out like actually going great. Yeah we're like I mean we're just like very good friends. I would just hang out with him anyway. I was hesitant to date him because I was like. I would like to be friends with you. And he's like well. I'm not going to be your friend now and I'm like okay. Well I guess we'll date but I was like I like you so much as a person and I feel like we could hang out forever. Just sharp guys create great joke writer. Yes seems like a sweet through softspoken dude. I don't really know him but he doesn't seem like a allowed mouth or guy's GonNa make scene no not at all very nice guy so we making dumb videos and start a movie podcast for the time being and what most people I think are doing even within six months. Yeah I dated no second second communist data. Who's the other guy I'm asking him? I was married to a woman who was comic. Trying right it And they're they're amount. We got ugly around that. I think that the deepest resentment she had towards me was something I did not do for her as somebody in show business which Yeah Yeah Yeah. Hey have you guys had any one? Though I'm not going to put any Bayton your head. He had a special. He's had a special come out called. I got this was comedy central. Even yeah I mean for me I for me. It's interesting 'cause like the other comedy data was not like better than me. We were kind of like the same age. So it's been interesting for me dating somebody who's been doing it closer like fifteen years and is in my opinion just clearly better and I would never different like I mean different. Yes but also just been doing it longer. So it's hard to argue with that. So and he's never made me feel like that or said anything but I feel that way and so I don't know if it's necessarily true. I mean he does a different form he said I could joke. I mean you're a joke woman but you know you're wrong form person right. Yeah we have very different styles joked a joke like tell style right to be. Yeah and then. You're like long form like personal stuff right. Yeah which I wish I were more. I could write tied jokes and be satisfied with it. I mean I think when you do long form you know their jokes in it. You know you're getting laughs but there's some magic to writing one liners or just three line jokes that land I just even when I've done it. It's like doing math to me like you know you just sitting there writing these jokes and then like I. It's not satisfying enough for me to just be like that one landed. Yeah no I need you to laugh and also see me. You know like four what. I've been doing to know who I am now. I have my space as a human and I need you to hear me and Cmih. Yeah no matter what you don't have to like me but I I have things to say. Yes Jackie how? That's why I did it where your parents like painfully selfish on top of Christian your dad anyway I mean I just I think I am the way I am because they took up a lot of air Yeah I mean I had an interesting situation after my mom passed away. My Dad got remarried a somewhat quickly and sort of got to like revamp his life a little bit like he got a new a new career and we moved to like a nicer place and like he got a new wife who he's still with and she's wonderful and they're an amazing couple but it was. It was a strange dynamic that I'm still working through therapy to be morning like the loss of the most important person in your life while the other most important person in your life Is Falling in love and in the mid? Yeah in the midst of like a honeymoon period. Essentially what she deserved. I mean at that point. He'd been through the ringer for years with my mom being sick so I'm glad he was happy. But where did you grow up I grew up in Modesto until I was like ten and then I was in Temecula. Now those are those are La satellites right or they bay area satellites. Modesto's like an hour from Sacramento. Okay was like in between La and San Diego. It's like closer to San Diego guns up north and one's a little south. Yeah okay. So how old were you you the only kid. No I have three younger sisters for younger systems. Yeah Oh my God so so. You're in your dad was doing what up there He's music teacher. Oh yeah well. That's nice. Yeah he's like an amazing singer. He's so good I mean. He wanted to be a performer and then realized like he couldn't travel that much and also like have a family and he really wanted a family so he changed his major to music education Because he was like no. I WanNa have kids and I want to be there and stuff and so I think when I started doing standup He and I took a class together. Which was his idea during. Stand up and I think he got a real kick out of it and probably still does to a degree that I am making a living being a performer. But like how so? He taught what ages why quake he was teaching high school. He I think he taught all grades at certain point but my memory of it is that he was teaching like show choir over so point instrument eve plays Piano Okay and and so your your siblings must be one of them. Must be pretty young still Youngest sister is Twenty so how old were you and your mom passed away. Eight two four six and eight. Oh my God. That's fucking horrendous. Yeah it's early. I mean what what what happened. She had cancer. I mean really pretty standard. She had Hodgkin's lymphoma that I think became breast cancer was coupled with breast cancer. But it was. It was Hodgkin's lymphoma and happened. After she had all of you. She knows that she was sick right after she had my youngest sister and I guess she was having really terrible. Night sweats and went to the doctor a couple times and they were like it's hormones and then most cancer yeah but so they must have started pretty young How she had you like twenty four something twenty six twenty five twenty six twenty six major turning nine like two months later so she must have been twenty five when she when she had me and so your memories of her are vague or I probably have the most memories of her and I only have a handful so like my youngest obviously doesn't remember anything I think my second youngest sister remembers a tiny bit and then You know me like the two older ones me and my sister. We we have a handful. You know what I go into the yeah like shopping for school clothes mart and I remember that I remember time. She got mad at me. Like that's the thing is all the things you remember from your childhood reader like really really great or really really traumatic. So you're like I remember that time that we you know cookie dough in the middle of the night and scrapbooked and it's like remember that time she locked in the garage like it's you know there's a real. There's a real difference between all the members. And they're all very heightened Which is which is interesting. Do you do you like. Amoy asking this because I talked to Sean Lennon about it. Do you sort of And he brought it up that the memories he does. He does have his father that are his own. He really like almost like nurtures them like he holds onto them and make sure that they don't fade. Yes I think so too. Yeah I mean I will. I will catch my some myself. Sometimes going ooh. I don't remember what her voice sounds like. I need to watch an old video or something you know because you just start to forget videos though. There are some videos. Yeah that's good. I mean not like you know if I had kids what they would have now. I mean it's the best time to have a dead mom right now. You can go through their instagram. And maybe that's true. Maybe they should come from. But but you know there's like home movies or she kept a lot of like scrapbooks and my youngest sister found her journals she kept a journal from the time from the time she was like in third grade Up until she got pregnant with me. Wow so we found like a box of those six years ago it was it all sort of any sorted things and I mean you know. There's the one where she got married. She was dating and then got married. Dad and then got pregnant with me and they were not planning to get pregnant So it's interesting to read your mom being like I just were you know. He's worried about it and he can't hear about it yet and I feel like you know a pregnant teenager in high school like she knew she had she thinks she he knew what he was like so stressed out that he was kind of like look. Just don't tell me right now like tell me in days or something Visible I read. I think they were very stressed out when they got pregnant with me. Wow that's sort of interesting insight into any parent whether dead or not to to see that private dialogue herself clean herself right and I don't know that he read them. I know he asked to but I don't think he actually read them. We all burn through them right. Yeah you guys keeping them from him. You know. We have them. I mean again I gave him. I gave him the college at one point. But I don't I just don't think he ever read it. I don't think I would want to if my spouse passed away. I don't think I'd WanNa read their diary from any part of our marriage now. She said anything terrible. But you know I just thinking from my own perspective and like. I don't know that I'd even want to chance it. Maybe because I keep I've kept journal so I know what I've written and I'm like Oh yeah I think we're I mean it is it is I guess I don't know I don't keep journals. But it's relative to the type of you are some of his. I The only time I journal an EEO compulsively was during my second divorce and just to keep my sanity. Yeah you know. There's a lot of dark thoughts going on then. A lot of fucking and would you want anyone to read then no but I. I'm pretty open about a lot of it. I went through it. You know because when you write a journal and you get through whatever your journaling. You kind of that stuff's pretty amazing and then you go read it. You're like Holy Fuck. This is sad public. This deep shit this you repeating things day to day. It's crazy I just put the Dayton scribbled real hard on this page right much this day but I showed up for it say. I'm not feeling like writing. Well what was the? What do you as you get older? And you have some hindsight and he definitely talk about in your standup. I mean what? What do you think the the major affect attack on you personally is? Oh I mean I think you are always trying to impress somebody who no longer exists like. My biggest fear growing up is that my mom would not have liked me if she got to know me. And there's no way to find out if she would ever not. I mean you assume that. She would've sure like she would have at least pretend to long in there for you to eventually change into something she can yes she would have at least love me out of obligation until you know by brand became something she could get on board with. But that's why like if family members of mine from that side of the family You know watch stand up and say things about you know. We're very proud of you. Thank you so much. It feels like getting some of that from her than ever got. And you know every good thing that happens in your life. There's a little voice in the bag your head going. Oh here's another thing. They're never going to see here that that. Yeah Yeah So. The absence never kind of goes away. I don't think so active absence. I said to my my grandma. Who's my mom's mother a couple years ago? I was just like when I just WanNa stop dealing with this. Like what am I going to be passed this because I would feel like I feel good about the like I? That's the thing that happened to me but it doesn't control my life and I don't think about it every single day and I'm fine and then you know there'd be one year that I thought about it every day and it felt like it was affecting everything and and she said you know. I don't think we're ever going to. I think it's just always going to be there in the back of your head and it's always gonna be something that we are dealing with a little bit you know we're finding we're all good and happy and I I think She has definitely fielded a lot of questions for me. And my sisters over the years and she is seemingly to me like the most at peace with it Which is incredible to me. Because I can't imagine losing a child I mean I've never even had a child but I can't imagine that And your father. It sounds like whatever grief he was going through a however he handled it. He was still there for you guys. Yeah I think so. I mean He. It's funny we've talked more recently about that period of time which is helpful because it we were so young. We didn't really know exactly what he was going through. I think for him. He had four daughters and he was suddenly by himself and he was like well. I can't stop like I have to just keep going like he told me once he was like. I remember like the first day I took you guys to school because it happened like the week before we went back to school. And you got you guys all to school and I came home and laid down for a minute and I thought okay. I can't I can't just lay here like if I ever. Yeah like I did. Just get up and clean and go to work and like I. I have to keep moving and did for us in in a huge way in. Obviously you know met my my now mom seminar and really I think he he kind of pushed it down for a long time and in a way because he had to deal and in a way was was already morning while she was sick. Because I mean we knew she was going and just fading and he's taking care of her for a year and just watching your person you love like watching them die slowly and in your head you prepare. Yes so I mean. It wasn't like she passed. He Goes. Oh now we start morning. He'd already been there. But you guys were just hanging onto hope. I imagine like kids. Do he told me and my sister who's closest to me in age we were six and eight. He was like mom. I GONNA make it basically. And she's they gave her a month or so so. I remember him telling us that. You remember how you responded. I just remember not feeling like it was real right right which I think. Even after she died I felt that way. I can see that. Yeah because you're so young you're like this is a movie. I'm a Disney princess. Yeah this doesn't happen this to me. That's how I think people would respond with anything as final in dire like even like this. Most people come. Yeah you know it's like what I mean you know I'm guilty of it. We're all guilty of it. It's like how that is it really. Now it's like bad. Yes bad my best friend from childhood was calling me in early February. I'm really concerned about this virus thing and I was like. It's the flu kills people every year. It's fine yeah not this quickly. I know not all one cut to a month later. I'm calling her like you guys are stocked up for how long. How what else should I get? You guys have begun yet like just you know totally on board now is like I am so sorry. I told you this wasn't a big deal. She's like gone yet. So where does Jesus play into all this Sadness in cancer in your upbringing. 'cause I know you really do talk about Christianity in a way that I've talked to other Christians that were you know grew up. Where was a huge part of their life might be the biggest part of their life and you talk like one of those people? I definitely was. I mean I started doing. Stand up in church as you know but when but how did he play into dealing with the grief when you were a kid or your dad's grief. I mean I mean at work. I feel like it was a a source of comfort for my entire family. I feel like that's how people my family deal with tragedy save you. Don't turn to God and God and that was definitely how I tried to deal with it as well but I remember like the second my mom died. I remember thinking I have keeps talking about how we're going to see her again. I don't I don't know why I don't feel that way because everyone older and smarter than me is telling me that's what's going to happen so it must be what's going to happen but. I don't think I've never felt like that. I've never felt like. Oh we're just GONNA WE'RE GONNA die in Warwick together again and we find the. I need more detail. Yeah you know like Like I was in Christian obviously and I am not a big believer in much but like even the heaven idea like what are we. We're GONNA see them but to do we. Are we going to have a place to hang out? How are they going to recognize people? Who Only met you when you were younger. I mean is it I think in me this there at the place. Are they waiting for? Do they know the rendezvous point a lot of detail neighborhoods coincide with our neighborhood. Is everyone going to be there? I don't know but Oh so you had at least doubts about the afterlife. At that age felt yeah I think so and and for a while I just kind of blindly was like no. This is the thing and what brand of Christianity I don't even know I was like Was it born again any kind of or like New Christian? I just think whatever whatever Christianity is where you had like a kind of like a slightly hot worship leading the band whereas we're cool church kind of sort of New the new Christiane. Yeah I think so that being said you know my my dad is like very very conservative and was like the Bible is a textbook right right but he but he doesn't identify as a Methodist Baptist. Unitarian no or Catholic. It's Eh Christian. Christian. Yeah I don't. I think technically the church we grew up when we were young was baptist and then maybe the one we grew up in its Christiani. And it's all encompassing. Yes yes absolutely. Pastor was Bordering on sort of charismatic self. Help and you know. Yeah definitely definitely Chris Medically. Oh you could've been an actor may be that kind of situation The Hustle. Yeah I mean it is a performance every weekend you gotta you gotta recognize a fellow performer. So at that age like so. When did you start like did you go to? Was there a Christian school? I didn't go to a Christian school. I mean the tomatoes a pretty conservative Christians urban area when you went down there nine. Oh so he like. You got remarried within a year. Yeah and they. They met shortly after my mom passed away. I saw he needed somebody. But did you innately no? I think I was excited about it. Because you're still in that sort of fantastical place to be in a wedding and I'm nine and I'm GonNa have a new mom and everything will be fixed and It was it was tough for a few years. It was an adjustment and She and I did not get along for a little while. And then I think at a certain point we kinda had it out and my dad's had like you guys have different love languages. And she just is not a very like touchy feely person She's very much like acts of service and You know she'll she'll think about you and other ways should oh. I bought you flip flops. Because they broke at the beach and right. That's like her way of hugging and we were used to being hugged like we went from like a stay at home. Mom to a very successful Hard working like realtor. Mom had a lot of money. We married her and then all of a sudden I'd like five people in our house like she went from being completely autonomous to. You are now in a family of six overnight. Which is I mean a lot. Oh it's so much have kids. She didn't have kids have anymore. No she can't kids Which is probably because we have enough of them enough kit. Yeah for kids is enough. But they're still together and it worked out and she she raised you to a degree Yeah she she she. My Dad are so compatible. It's it's like made it hard to date as an adult. Sometimes we go. How does anyone find someone like that? Like they are genuinely best friends. They work together. They hang out all the time and they are like on each other's team no matter what and you're real it or now Yeah so. They're like they're together all the time and they're the best couple I've ever seen. That's nice yeah. So when did she start to go south with you and your faith and I mean 'cause you say I know it's part of your story that you started doing stand up in Church But I mean so. You're going to church every Sunday. And is there like a a weekly school type of deal to or no no no? It wasn't a we just went to public school. We were Kris knows no Sunday school or that kind of Shit. Whatever I mean Sunday church is when you're in you know middle school high school so tell me what what compelled you to stand up where you're standing fan. Because he started hell. Were you when you first started in sixteen? That's that's a little freakish usually people who start when they're sixteen. They get paraded by the industry is like look at the sixteen year. Do they have ten minutes and then they disappear because they couldn't right right. Well thank God. I started in churches where nobody was watching you. That's how it works when you when you're dead and you yourself took that Class Sixteen. That was it. Yeah and WHO's class was This co this Christian comic named Nazareth was teaching a Christian comic with one name Nazareth. Yeah how big is the Christian comedy scene? It's now very big. There's not Nassar I would say I would say maybe there's like ten. What men guys and ladies that I now? I think I've seen some of that but I mean how much of the Christian based I mean. Is it just a lot mine wasn't I never did? It's just it's not just about being clean or respecting family. Values Mia Jesus is in it. Yeah yes because they're they're performing exclusively churches so of course you're going to sanction. They're valid. They're like they're okayed by. The church. Almost becomes an extension of Jesus Education. Yeah I mean there were certainly part of the class where he was like. Here's how you know if it's appropriate to end your set with an altar call you know like it's There's some of that in there. It's an altar call. It's when you basically do the whole prayer of like If you're here tonight and you're feeling God moving your heart. Come up to the front and will pray with you and we'll save. That was a potential closer. Y- for if you're bombing altar call always go to the author lose. Yeah I think once I started doing standup clubs and meeting people that I just wasn't exposed to in my very conservative sheltered. Tell me about like these other Christian comics. I imagine how long how long were you in that world of doing Christian comedy sixteen to way for like a couple of years or couple years where that. Yeah but then I was doing. I was doing the occasional church. Show still up until I was twenty two up until like four years. Okay so what what tell me. Some of. I didn't know how faith fits into just some of their jokes. I guess I could just go online and look for yourself. What kind of jokes were you doing? At that time that you would call specifically Christian jokes. I didn't have any. I was very much like I. Just WANNA be clean. I don't want to do any jokes about church but it makes sense. These guys have so many jokes about church in their act because they're only performing in church and they're getting paid and getting paid a lot so the hustle right and everybody in that church goes to church obviously. So that's why are they they're they? They're like the extra added thing on a Sunday or does the church say like it's Saturday night comedy night Saturday night comedy so there's all circuit. Yeah and these these guys rake it in because you know they got built in audience. Yeah but then you gotTa make sure that you are not making any mistakes. That world is so strict in a way that you know the secular world is not yet like you can get cancelled as a church comedian for even just having sex in that community and it is i. don't you are kind of. You're not just a comedian. Coming INTO A CHURCH. You're coming in going. I'm I'm the thing that you want. I'm you know I'm good. Chris and I'm a Christian and I have all these values and and some people who perform in churches are absolutely totally authentically. And there are some people who you know. I suspect may not be And for me when I I did last comic standing when I was torn twenty twenty one and they were like we want to do a baxter. I knew about being a Christian comic and I was like I really don't want to be billed as a Christian comic I was like I really prefer not to be and they were like totally get it. We're just GonNa say you started in one? And we'll fill me backstory. And then of course it comes out and it's like edited like I'm the only Christian comic here you're like. Oh all right. That happened that happened and then like I did. Maybe ANOTHER YEAR OF CHURCH. Because you're standing rest staying alive money and and then at a certain point. When did you start getting paid to do churches so early like the first few months like they were letting you do like fifteen minutes in front of five hundred people? He'd been on stage less than fifteen times. That's how you got your chops. Yeah I mean I think I definitely like you didn't have to do like an open. Mike thing no I mean. I did open mics in San Diego. Once I was eighteen I could right but I mean but but you're already had Yuri had bits. Bits and I was comfortable on state right because you had all this experience with the churches Yeah I'm saying that you paid some pretty. It was a gift to be able to in some ways to I guess in. I guess he had -TATIONS RIGHT. So you could only right within a context like you can express yourself to a certain degree but as long as you stayed in that lane You could you a access to these. Huge audiences could really figure out where and how and to get laughs just on a basic level yes worley But at a certain point you you go. I don't WanNa be under this sort of scrutiny. For my whole life where like I am being fired from a churchgate because I tweeted something with endo in it. Yeah that was like the last church. Gig I had where I I was opening for a big Christian comic which one I don't know if I should say I mean you could figure it out. It's probably true. I mean they fired me but I don't blame them. I was opening for For Tim Hawkins who's like a huge Christian comedian and I tweeted a joke. That was like sexual innuendo that. I ended up doing unkown enough years later. I remember his tour manager called me. It was just like hey like we think you're great and you know that but like we think it would just be best if we took you off the spring predates like we have kids in our audience and you know we do songs on Youtube about homeschooling and whatnot like we just. We have to think about our audience and we can't have you know we can't be like endorsing somebody who has a few gigs. Yeah Yeah and at that point. I've never been fired from anything. So we're twenty. No at that point I was twenty twenty one or twenty two and I remember. I talked to my manager and I was like hey like I just can't do anymore. Churches ever again and it took a few more times of them going. But it's this much money I'm like you can't even tell me how much money it is like. I can't do it anymore because I feel like. I am tricking these people. I feel like I am going into these spaces unsure of what I believe and maybe I wanNA start swearing occasionally in club up until that point. I hadn't been but only if I accidentally say something on stage and a video goes up and they get sent to video of me saying asshole. I don't want to worry about getting the rest of my life. Yeah like this from the only work. I'm getting yeah and there were things I wanted to talk about like darker subjects and whatever else like I was in clubs like. I didn't want to be watching every move. I made in every word. I said Coincide with the crisis of faith through were you over that before I think it was. I think it was kind of all the time. And I think when you are In that world and your family is all in that world you want to hold onto it as long as you can. So is definitely a few years of me going. I'm just not going to think about that right now right but I I don't know how I feel about it and maybe I'm still doing that to a certain extent but what I believe in God or just the nature of the faith you were brought up. I think belief in God I mean. I'm I'm in a place now where I just. I can't wrap my head around anybody going. I figured it out what happens. I know exactly what happens is right here is written down right so we can all just come down. We know exactly what's coming but nobody actually knows and you talked to devout Christians and the like but I know but you don't though no I know and you're like this is I can't I can't talk to you know changing their mind. Yeah but there are some Christians who are like. Yeah we don't know and you should search in doubt have listening so you'll be back right. Yes exactly that's exactly what it is right. So we'll see I mean I I like the idea of there something greater than all of us. Obviously I grew up with that. I I in times like these. I'm certainly like okay. Maybe we start praying again. I don't know you know so I wouldn't say that I'm you know like an atheist now right anything but so you were twenty two when you said no more churches and he did churches from like sixteen to twenty two so when you were coming up like that I mean who were the outside of Listening to my podcast. Who who were the people that were most influencing you and kind of making? You know that you were doing the thing you wanted to do. I mean Pe- Pete Holmes. Podcasts came out a little bit after that and that was helpful for me to listen to somebody who is also kind of going through a crisis of faith staff and was a comedian. There wasn't really anybody else that I knew of her to look to as they were Christian and now they're transitioning into just like a comedian right So that was helpful. I mean I opened for Brian Regan for a few years really. Yeah he has like a group of people who use and I was concerned that rotation for fun. Yeah he just. He just found me on youtube rent. It took me like a couple of gigs to be like Hayward. How did she do big rooms? Yeah and then like I was you started doing like arenas I mean. Yeah in theaters. That was yeah. I guess it was fairly. That was like twenty. Two one thousand eight hundred to your first gigs. Like it's like when you started your like five hundred. People is not unusual right. Yes doing open mic so much harder. There's five people here and they all hate me and themselves friends of the next Guy Right. Yeah Yeah so so you do. You did on stuff with Regan for a long time. He certainly great to watch my Gosh craftsman amazing and like the nicest person and you know. Introduces himself to everybody at the theater and is just like very humble percival and in the night featured for burt on the road for a little while. Chrysler headlining. Yeah so and you will. You can't open really two different acts and burdon shirt off right. So I feel like I was really lucky in that I got to. I got to do like a cold. Twenty minutes super clean and a theater in the next week and go you know do twenty five for like a rowdy. Comedy Club sold out audience. But where were you putting your stuff together? How are you building on the road or are you going to Mike? Did you have a home club here because like I would have known if you're at the store but you're not not only got past at the store like a year and a half ago but I was passed everywhere else so a factory in the imprint of the factory was the first place I think the past me in like Ice House and Improv and comedy magic like I was passed everywhere else so for me I was like why would I twenty one twenty two? Yeah so by the time I was doing development so I was like. Why would I like kind of leave the night open for six minutes? Yeah who cares right what you can do. Fifteen to twenty and ship for real audience and I was kind of like all right. I'll if I get successful enough. Maybe he'll pass now. Did you get passed out all of these places you know? How did you get in front of these people how they find you find you? Do you have good management? No I just got put on like independently book shows. And then you know. Then they James Happen to be there Wednesday Saami sake you can call in like I got past the factory before last comic and then I think everywhere else was either right before or around that time. Zygotes you're like you know you were congealed certainly helped and you're like you know you're tight right. Yeah it's because I I can't imagine the the how much it really made a difference to. You know to be comfortable just stepping on stage in front of five hundred people when you're sixteen and having that opportunity over and over again to to come to the factory as daunting as it may be. It's definitely not five hundred people. Nobody's way harder because see you. You know and they're not just sort of blindly supportive because you're a nice Christian girl. Yeah and they're eating and right but I put together like a skill set. That must've really kinda landed. Yeah mean materials. Good Hope it all worked out. It's looks like it's I mean sort of we're all who knows if we can do live shows after this but so after when you were twenty two like how much of a difference is last comic standing make for you I don't know that it made a huge difference for me. I think it was just sort of helpful to have a TV credit. But I also got I booked like fifty colleges at doing Naqa Knack. Yeah like a few months before. That's good living for a year. Yes yeah so. If you land those schools you know which you did you end. Who would you say forty or fifty? Yeah Oh so you know. That's real workman. Yeah that's how I went full time. Yeah Yeah And do you still do not really occasionally I haven't done a college in a while I mean I was definitely aware of the fact that I was very young and that was probably part of why I was doing colleges saw. Yeah because you know you're you're talking about things that they were also extremely light. But then you like. I was also living with my parents at the time when I first auditioned for Naqa and then the next few years I wasn't paying my own bills and once you start paying your bills and living in the real world you start to realize like Oh. A lot of these kids at these colleges are freshman like a lot of them are like seventy in eighteen there at the show because they can't go off campus. Yeah Yeah Yeah I don't even I wouldn't even know what what what I would do. Yeah like their kids. Yeah and they get real uncomfortable with dark jokes or sex jokes or offensively. They're they're very. They're very nervous because they haven't they haven't been to a live comedy show before a lot of them and it's not their fault like when people talk about. Oh College. Kids are so sensitive and they'll cancel you for whatever and they just want to be offended for and it's like they just haven't lived them all right. It's not their fault. A lot of them aren't stand up comedy fans like they don't know what they feel when they feel it even and a lot of them were you're doing like you're there the first week of school and these kids know each other like this is a tough game so I kind of felt like I phased out and was starting to go. I don't know what to say. I guess what I'm trying to figure out like so you take the shot the special. What six months ago he end November? Because I'm just trying to figure out 'cause like this said is so expansive in so tight that you weren't you definitely weren't putting that set together twenty minute increment no. I was headlining. So when did that start? That probably started twenty two. Maybe twenty two twenty two happened around the same time when you're opening for burt and I was featuring for burt for. I don't know maybe like four months. It wasn't that long time before I kind of started headline I think I did Conan and just for laughs and got a development deal all the same year and that was like when I was starting to headline. It's interesting that barely out development deals anymore. Who was that with? Abc and what was the pitch? I mean we had all these meetings it networks after Jeff and I went in that when started with Wendy like a year before that. Okay I I guess I should explain that on if I've explained that before. So whoever is Hartman's company right explaining to my listeners? Which is you and Levity is I think. Hartmann is part of the group that owns most of the Improv. So there's a line in there right. Yeah Right. So a lot of levity clients run through the Improv. Two three maybe four times a year You know across the country. It's a good connection to have to at least get your get. You not only get your dues paid but you know. Make a good living. Yes okay so so you've meeting with networks and I went in just trying to be kind of funny about my life and my childhood and at the end they were like we wanna make the show and I was like what show and There we'll set you up with a writer and there were there. Were a few different places that we were. We were talking to and we ended up choosing. Abc and I loved the people I worked. And we you know. We wrote what they wanted. Which was a multi Kim? Say THEY DID. You meet a bunch of writers and choose one that kind of deal. Yeah they were great. They were amazing and they. They really helped me shave. Because I didn't know what I was doing. What was the angle you were Christian comic. Who was he wasn't a comic? I didn't want to be a comic on it but it was. It was just about The idea was that I you know moved in with my sisters and and we were all trying to figure out who we were apart from this like sheltered upbringing right. My parents were characters on the show. it it you know it was. I think we did as good a job as we could've for what it was like that format. I wasn't super passionate. Yeah I was super passionate about it. But and after that didn't go at ABC they were Kinda like all right. So what else do we can do it with this network. Now if you want and I was like I mean some stand. Yeah I'm like I was nervous that it would go and I would have to cancel road dates. I was like I'm trying to get good at headlining I. When am I going to have time to do that? If we're making a sitcom so it Montreal reunion face so done with Christian stuff colleges now. You're just doing improv. Mostly headlining Improv Yeah that's where you got real tight real solid. Got The the length thin right it out. Yes the our fifteen no problem right. Yeah got a big closer. I mean you know you hope so i. There are certainly some some Pasta Syndrome. When I when I got the special with net flicks I was like I mean. I submitted the hour because I was headlining. And my reps just submit the our you know and I was like well just so you know. I'm expecting to get the half hour if anything because I had done the fifteen and so I was just hoping to ask our next. Yeah Yeah how long? How long between the fifteen in the hour? How many years like a year and a half house? You had most of the hour fifteen. Yeah I had a good chunk of it. Yeah and then you know the fifteen obviously retire after it's on athletes that didn't go into it through now. You're the our person one of them. Yeah how now how to know who finding your audience. How's your draw? Didn't make a big difference and I only did one. I only did one road weekend after I came out before though even were you like 'cause like I was not a guy that built up audience on the road. I don't know how many times they're running through which improves but were you. Were you somebody who could sell tickets? not in any significant way. I wasn't like selling out we or anything The the Netflix fifteen definitely help And doing you know a few late night sets and whatnot that stuff definitely Was helpful and I was seeing people. Come out and come up to me afterward. Like we've been following you since this Netflix. Or we saw you on last comic There were people that were coming out specifically to see me but it was not most of the audience bright and I still don't know Kind of the interesting thing about right now. As you know normally at this point I would go out and see. I did one weekend. Two days after the special came out and people were coming out from that already which was nice and then the pressure's already on these. So you've got a whole new. Our Yeah so when he shot the special you're sitting on what forty that I wasn't using your sitting on maybe like twenty that I felt like I could have put in and didn't and right now you have all the other stuff. You're working on able to start folding out kind of like making a bigger and the shit so you have a at least an hour. Six months he put it together. Yeah from what you didn't use the new. Yeah working it I was like oh I should take. I should take a vacation after film this and everyone's like no. You need a new hour. I'm like okay. Let's get back on the road. I the way I did. It was like I knew that I've been working that our that for like a year or two Like that stuff kind of simmering. Start to come together and form and like you. You can really see it. You know I can see it in the work in the hour. Twenty or the hour. Seventy three minutes. Seventy four minutes our fifteen. Would you our thirteen our ten. I think it's an hour right. Andre Dot yeah any more any less. I always push it. I'm like what's the most I can do. Yeah seventy three okay. How's he seventy-three because like I'm touring? I'm doing an hour. Forty five right so I gotTa make that into seventy three so now. I've got a half hour so I always lose shit but by the time I did this special I just WanNa make sure I had made enough money off of that our That I knew I was going to like I like after I taped it. I went on. Didn't another part of the tour just because I knew come like two weeks ago over. Yes I had these months and I'm like why aren't we make some more money off That's a good point after this offer hour right. Do you know what I mean and my built. It's really good and there's a bunch of cities we didn't do. It was just fucking knock a few out so I didn't other nine or ten dates just to just that our yeah see. That's I didn't think to do that because I was I. I mean I'd been doing some of those jokes a really long time and some of them I had been doing you know a few months but it sounds like you're working a lot Yeah right Oh yeah like I think once you taped it. You didn't do anymore sets you didn't do anymore fill our I? I never did that our again I did. I was in Royal Oak. Doing Comedy Castletroy. Yeah like a week after. Maybe maybe a week and a half after we filmed it and I did. Maybe maybe like forty percent of our and then from that weekend on. I tried to do as little as possible. There was only places I could go to places. I hadn't gone with it right. You know 'cause there have been different forms of it but I always make sure I do. If I'm headlining always make sure I'll do at least an hour and a half hour. Forty five th. Because I don't really know what people have seen and what they haven't seen them not that tight about it can. Yes so there's a year and a half. There were a Mike. I did this last Hamas here I can remember the fucking last year so it's a little tricky do you have. Do you have like one opener? I won't use one. Oh Yeah and how much time do they do now? Twenty okay so it's like to our show sure. Yeah Yeah Yeah. So if they've seen part of it it's like Oh so you saw thirty minutes two hours dickey right. Yeah it happened in England. It pissed me off so much. I don't know if I'm ever going to go there again. Really I went back and I was still working out shitting that that set evolve so much over the year in that it was a different set and there was more than I knew I'd been there with some of that set and I did another forty five to fifty on top of stuff. That was so different than they've ever seen it and one woman complained and I'm like fuck that country like that was my response. Because because you know what could happen. I don't WANNA be. That guy repeats of stuff. I don't WanNa be that guy but I took the GIG. It was my own fault but I also knew I had another fifty minutes. Yeah so I you know. They're going to double the show one. If you would come in and only done the fifty minutes. She wouldn't have complained that. Which isn't that crazy. I gave you twice as Metro. Y- to look at me twice as long No. It was just too much for her to bear that. I guess I shouldn't punish the entire country. Maybe none of us are going anywhere ever again. I know it was about to say. Yeah we might never get to England. Any of US could happen. I don't know what do you think? Do you think I'm dumb? I think you know I don't know how long it will take but I imagine we'll get through this but you know but what. How hard is it can be to travel. What restrictions are going to be permanently in place in some sort of authoritarian way? Because they've already got them up and working because of this thing. I don't know yeah. Are you worried about people being able to come to a theater and watch a live performance of any kind? I mean if this plays La. Other things I mean like there's going to be a lot of tragedy and horror and sick people in deaths but I assume if they don't shut down science they'll figure out a vaccine or a process right and these things seem to have a they kind of run their course Usually eventually you know I. I would assume that that would happen. Yeah but I don't know you know everything so out of balance who knows. Yeah Yeah you know I just know that like. I'm glad this new special was sort of like a kind of Life's work for me like I feel like this one is like I really kind of you know all the stuff that I've been working on my entire career ideas and things that have kind of been part of what I talk about or I've got closure on them right so you're like if that's the last thing I did. I'm good with it. Exactly Nice place to be you. Don't WanNa die right but you know. Oh I wasn't even thinking dying out. There is no longer a job. I'm okay yeah you're good. I did it. I really feel that proud of that special. Yeah you're interviewing Leonardo DiCaprio now like you don't even need to interview comedians anymore. Much Rather I. I wouldn't say that thing with Brad Pitt. And we always like not traditional family. Listen did you ever listen back to it? Like Brad Pitt. Watch my show. How many times three times? Why knew that because I run into a weird places that art show once and then at some benefit that I did and he had told me both times that he watched it. I didn't know it total out on three. I think the deeper story around that was that he was going through difficult time. And that you know he's trying to get sober and other things and that somehow comforted him my insanity so you saved Brad Pitt. A little bit. I think I help. I hope he's still saved. But I do think I provided a service for you from what you say. I helped you understand that you've you. There was a a career trajectory that you can engage in because these other people did. Yeah like when YOU LISTEN TO WDC. Who were some of the people you're like? Oh my gosh I mean I was trying to remember. I almost went back. And but you got to scroll so back so far back richer to see the first ones where Back when I started it was like every episode was a stand up comedian. Who popped up where I'm like. Oh my God Kathleen Madigan you know and hearing them talk to you for an hour with so much more informative than like even listening to their standup. Because you know you're not gonNA learn you can only learn style from watching standup exactly. Yeah and even like I learned to a lot of people were watching last comic standing when I was a kid. So listening to those people talk in on a long form. Podcast is is so much more helpful than watching them. You know do a talking head on a reality there even on Conan. Yeah to hear me. And Bamford in car. Yes Oh my God. Yes talking about her Morbid Thought Syndrome. Yes yeah it's helpful these weird people and I'm weird. Yeah I can do so. Your Dad didn't He didn't continue with the stand up after. No no no no yeah. It was just a fun thing for us to do for six weeks. I think he did one. We did like a show in like a hotel once after we took the class and that was the only time I ever did. Stand up ny enough for him No I don't think I don't think he had any desire to like do. It really is a career. Why would he? He's got a full life in a hot wife and a great career. Why would he throw it all away? But you're with them. That's good because I I'm not sure that's exactly you're good with your dad. He's good with your work. I wouldn't say he's good with my work. I think that they are I think that they're proud of me. It's been interesting adjustment over the last few years because did kind of tell them like I am not clean anymore. But there's a difference between I am not clear anymore and seeing it on television. Did you literally said to? Your parents like dirty. They basically I was like I swear like I have some drugs that are you know. I just to warn you. And I mean they haven't seen me performed the only times they've seen me perform live in the last four years is opening for Regan clan. Yeah and then. They saw me on the tonight show the first time identity and Jimmy And then a week. After you know the net flicks fifteen came out. And they watched it and didn't contact me for a little bit so because that was the only dirty one. Yeah that was the first that was like the first thing that was that was I was swearing in it. I. It's not even really racy. It really isn't. It's like pretty clear. I think I said like to swear words. Now you're pretty like you know your exports sexual ideas experience you know love. I mean you talk about the things that are ridiculous about bring brought up Christian so so you don't really know it's not a great feeling at home. I mean I kind of told them beforehand like I think. My Dad watched my last cone in and didn't say anything about it and then. I I know and then I said something. Why told him I was going to be on Conan and he just like changed the subject and then I talked to him like a month after I did it and I said something like yeah. I don't know if you saw that. And he goes I did. I didn't like it and I said you know you don't have to watch my STANDUP I. It won't hurt my feelings. If if I weren't your daughter you wouldn't watch me like I'm not for you. You know so. It's I had to kind a separate that like. Of course you want your parents to approve everything you do but you also get to appoint really if. I saw a couple their age From you know a a suburban area like they are from walk out of one of my shows would keep me up at night. No probably not so once. I came that I was like you. Guys don't have to watch it. It's fine and I don't know if they watch special. I assume they probably did. I ran all the jokes about my dad. Passed him before. I filmed how BECO- He said he really appreciated it. And then it meant a lot to him that I did it. I also wasn't like is that okay but I didn't ask. I didn't ask him that but I said these are the jokes about you. This is how I say them You know I didn't send him a video because maybe I don't know maybe that would have felt less personal Mike. These are the best exactly as I say because I didn't want friends of his to quote jokes about him back to him after my special came out and him to not know what they were talking about or have a game of telephone. You know happened where they butcher one of my bits. And it's like you see that bit about Taylor hating you so that was kind of what I was trying to make sure didn't happen you out of it now. There are no jokes about her in the special. It's interesting what you know what you choose to do. I I have some issues with that and I've been incredibly hard on my parents. You know in my standing up over the years. Do you run those jokes. Pass on fuck. No I was going to ask so they just kind of see it when it comes out the only time like. I've been really hard on my dad and I've done. I've done the jokes in front of them. I'm fortunate in that. My Dad can take a certain amount of abuse. He just likes the attention. When I wrote a book there was some stuff in there that really fucked with him and it got it got bad and you know he was mad at me for a long time and Wanted Compensation even whoa guy heavy and but this last hour one or two lines in there but my mother and might is it worth. It fucked up thing. Is that like it really comes down to like you. I who am I? How much of this is my story? You know this is my fucking freedom you can. I handle doing this and live with it. Yes and most of the time. I'm like yeah I mean like my mom. She's like this special she's like I even put up with the things he said about me but he didn't see like the Mike Pence Fish. She didn't like that last bit and I really not because she's has any. She took more issue with that than the bits about. Her is what you're sure. Yeah I think it was just how dirty it was right. And my mom's no prude. But I will not. Yeah some Mike Pence Aristocrats it is. It is kind someone else compared to that I guess. How far can this go? Yeah But yeah but I've made a lot of choices about that in relationships and stuff but I think it's really about is it fair right. Yes Yeah I think I. I had a joke that I was doing about something. My Grandma told me about herself That I was doing on the road before I filmed especially I ran it by her and she laughed and then two days later she was like. I can't stop thinking about that. I kind of it makes me sound like this and I love that and I was like. It's gone yeah totally gone because that was something that she told me about her. It had nothing to do with me. It wasn't something she said to me. That hurt me you know it. It was her story so that I was like. Of course I'M NOT GONNA. Yeah that's interesting thing with my dad. You know with the joke do about telling him I was suicidal and him saying go ahead and kill yourself. No that's something that I've done like. Mdr therapy on like. That's that's mine I get to do a bit about it and you got right. Yeah I get to feel better about it and I also did that. I did. Yeah he did that. Yes and I also get to cushion it as much as I think is appropriate which I did do because I can't imagine being a parent and everything you ever did. Every mistake you've ever made is now being aired out on a major streaming platform right. I can't imagine that so I did try to cushion it with you. Know my parents are great and they did their best in you know not in. Nobody's parents are perfect and all that. But you know that joke as funny as it isn't proud of it I am like came from a very real place of Excruciating pain for years and years and with something I worked through in in very extensive therapy so I I felt like I earned that that I agree. It's a very there. Is that line though where there's some stuff it's told you like you know my mom like. I've read emails from my texts from my mother on on onstage. Because I just can't not do it. Yeah and that's kind of wrong. You're in some ways you know. That's like a thing why. Guess that's not what the same example if they tell you something about themselves Your that's their trip. You know you gotta be like yeah. It's funny but like yeah I mean it was told to me in confidence or their story or whatever that's decision then my mother with her emojis. I mean I think that's fair game right yeah you you sort of explain that sort of like. He wanted to make it clear that they did the best they could. I used to joke about like you know when they say that to you that they didn't there's no way the if you really think about it. Housed the best. It's almost like what the fuck they were doing a winging it yet. But I think that's what they mean when they say did my best you go you. Did you did what you knew? And maybe you didn't know that much I guess but I don't even know like yeah but there was no attention paid was not like you know. How do we do this right? It's sort of like well. How do I fit this into my life? I've Got Shit. I gotTa do right. There's gotta be a way just to keep these fucking kids from white driving me crazy. It's not even a noble attempt. Yeah they didn't. They didn't do the best anything they just wait. They did what they could. Yes exactly exactly that. Some parents are better. Yeah there's yeah you but okay but so somehow another. This thing doesn't add this way to your relationship with them. That's not good does it comes and goes. I think that weight You know we still haven't talked about my special. Isn't it like my see like it's weird that the thing I don't get is that like you know to me? There should not be any problem like to me. It's like your success. You've done something challenging. You're you're you're you know you're being rewarded for your and and you're good at it and you're unique and you know you tell us do all. Those things should sort of override them being personally embarrassed right right because that's really what it comes down to. It's not like you know it's not some sort of judgment Christian judge Moore Not Christian this or that. It's like they're embarrassed the you're either. You're talking about them that way or that. You're like who you are publicly. Yeah because they can't control that so that that's the problem. She's out there making noise about us. Yeah Yeah it's exactly that and it's you know I did. I Did a joke about my dad. you know not thinking like gay people should be allowed to get married on. Conan like four years ago or and ran it past him beforehand and he was like. That's funny that's fine and then like two days after he was like you know. Never talk about me on stage again and we had to have all of a sudden like the gay people in his life. If there are any were like you monster. I don't know I don't know if anyone even I was like. Did people say something like no but it just it's not you know it's. I don't think it's that I think he was I guess understandably upset that I was making fun of his beliefs and If why am I being raped Garcia calls from? I believe it was just like. I just think you're wrong. I don't know what to tell you like. I think you are wrong about that. And in a moral way and so that was kind of right. Probably a turning point a little bit for this. Don't watch my stuff because you can't reconcile of that. It's like you said like we said earlier when you talk to one of those type of Christians. They're not going to change again. I've never had kids. I don't know what that feels like to. Just have them out in the world noise as you said and not having any control over that not having any platform to be like. Actually this is how it went down like your side is not even a part of it which is why I feel like I have to be so careful trying to kind of balance it when I do make jokes about them. I think you shift your disposition to more like you had a comment. Starting now I will I get your your upset but yeah you know I mean I really again as someone who has dated Comedians. I'm like I think that's good. I think it's good for Comedians to date other comedians. So they know how it feels to be talked about on stage You know in a personal way. Obviously we are more understanding of it. Because you're just as sensitive as I think we're all sensitive but what we've learned is comedians is the sort of suck it up. And just like build a Callus or get some sort of You know chronic kind of mild. Ptsd rice around. You know what we can and can't take you know. I just think that there's an open I do. The thing about dating. Comedians are living in this community where there really is no boundaries around ideas. It's IT'S A. It's an amazing place to live. And it's an amazing Community of people. But you know there's no kind of moral precedents the that you know when we're alone that we're not gonNA fuck with and stuff right right so so there's a lot out in the open there but yeah. I get my the ones I was involved with. It was really just the one that I would never do it again. but you know speaking publicly if someone you're with speaks publicly about. I'm with someone now who talks about. She's a public person. She's a director but I always sort of like did you have to get. That's that's a little private isn't it? But like what am I going to say? Yeah Oh you actually right. I'm in no position. Go I kid you not. Maybe you know talk about what I do when I'm crying by myself. This is off the record during fights just about to say something. I don't want it to come out interviews which my my parents have said that to me please. Onto a bit about this no matter how would you even think I could and then as the longer I've done this I'm like I understand? Someone said that to me at a funeral. Once a neighbor's husband died and we went to his funeral and she came up to his crying. Really we're so sorry and she goes. You're not going to put this thing. What I maybe. There's no angle yet right. I stumbled across one possible. Run A by I. At least you're thinking bigger because I hate those people that you meet. Once you have. One encounter with your. I don't say anything I'd stay agent. Who the fuck you you matter to me enough people who want you to talk about them on stage you never ended up talking about but it's been good for me Just on that on that front. Dating comics occasionally. Oh this is what it feels like. Okay maybe I should be aware of that with people in my life. Yeah Yeah no. I empathize tricky in this game. Because you know so it's like this is my life to in these. You know I own this but it's I think there is sort of in order to do the type of comedy that pushes the envelope a little bit at least personally. There is a lack of empathy. I wouldn't say it's sociopathic but I do think it's selfish. Oh absolutely I mean once I break up with you. I'M GONNA say whatever I want like. If I'm in a relationship with you and you wanNA veto a bit. I I may let you do that but if once we break up you know you've got trust that. I'm a good enough person to ourselves the truth right but even that's going to hurt a little bit looking at you. Why was I was engaged last year? Rape Jokes about in the special and we were like deciding. I was kind of deciding if I was going to stay with this person. While preparing for this special and you know it was in my petty or moments. It's it's hard to know what is allowed to make jokes about and I was like I'm not GonNa do any jokes about him in the special and then the new our has more jokes about him and our relationship and again you you start off very like petty and you know sometimes you go off on stage and people stop laughing and you go okay. Those were just feelings and I'm sorry about that but that's good though because I don't think I mean because I do it the same way I mean you obviously generate onstage a lot right. Yeah but then you once he comes off a little classier of course but when the feelings are raw raw. I mean I did a whole show about my ex wife when she left me. It was horrible and I took most shoulder most of the burden. But then I got you know. I've I've done some pretty awful jokes in in anger and I don't like I listened to some of that stuff on the CDs and I might. I don't regret it but it wasn't professional. Yeah because even if you're like me and you know you sort of like. Hey man it's hit or miss. I'm an acquired taste I'm not here to entertain everybody. Whatever there is a line where I'm sort of like I was that was just like rose. Fuck Yeah and like It's part of the process but it shouldn't be the finished product. Yes well and with the Internet. Now everybody can look up who you're talking about if you've posted with them you know my ex fiance was not like a comedian or perform or anything. But like if you google my name and fiance like you could probably figure it out and like everyone's got something a little something out there. Yeah so you know the Lincoln profile or guy. Yeah exactly but if you if you date somebody who's a public figure you know you got to kind of be aware of that. I think it's all out there for everybody. They can get at us. Yeah it's a scary. That's why you share too much up front so you already told you that I I do that. Naturally but there have been moments from like I've but see the thing is nobody listens to everything you do. So if somebody comes at you would something you're GonNa Excuse me if we could just go back four years ago to podcast number eight hundred four. It's pretty clear guy. Oh NECC- it. I can't believe everyone didn't know that opening monolog that podcast Robert Kelly episode. No-one you're late dude. That was always the assumption to before I even now even like Indian talking about these new hours. Every year is that there's this weird assumption that everybody has heard everything we've done. I mean obviously. It's more possible with Netflix. Before I would put out a CD and I'm like that's it for that. Our my no one bought. That's what is wishing that. Cd throwing threw away like five hours of material. Wow only because you know like daddy did it. And I don't feel bad about that but the more I realized that no one will ever hear right. There's like four or five CDs WORTH SHIT. That's like it's it's out there and my great. I think but I can't do it again because I'm too proud or fucking I've got this idea but your fans cannon will find. I wonder like that album that like the album that I did during the separation final engagement. That is that's one of the there is a trilogy. There was a not sold out Still tickets available and finally engagement. Final engagement is like dark. Can brokenhearted angry shit and so two hours of it and it's really a it's a rare in every once in a while someone text me like. That's the one that help we cats was going through a breakup like. I've been listening to that one. That's amazing see. That's what I'm saying. People can find it. It's not like only bought that at the funny bone between nineteen ninety. Whatever like you know you. Can you can go online and find all that and your fans do that and once people find you might. WanNa go down the rabbit. Yeah of course everyone. Everyone's binging now when I find somebody I've never heard of and they have a lot of stuff that you can go through the musicians. Yes exactly I can do everything right. I mean with Comedians. Do that but I just had that moment. We're just like sitting at that table after a half filled gig. Hey where are you going to audit you features hand like you're great? That's fucking really. Liked your stuff okay Oh you're thanking them for coming. They're like you're welcome to. Why do we feel that? I mean that hurts. That's things a little but you know part of the GIG that you're gonNA hand it to. You won it maybe once a week. Yeah and you featured so you remember people saying that to you and then you start headlining and you go. Oh that actually didn't mean anything when people said that to me because I was doing twenty minutes instead of an hour right right so of course you know you remember them. As being better rate it was it was a lifetime. Eighteen minutes ran over an hour. Ten fifteen eighteen was good. Come on who can't do eighteen woman complaining that she had heard things in your hour and a half. And you're like fifty fucking fucker. I went back and forth with her to really. She emailed me through the website and Mike and they hit a nerve with me. I didn't want to. I knew I went back to soon. Yeah so she got it struck a nerve and I was. I hate when they get a great job. I think we've covered it. Everybody's okay about it. Good man and we stayed data distance. We can take a picture now. The distance yeah see. We don't get any backlash exactly. I'm posting picks of people I've I've recorded weeks ago. I saw that and people are like what's going on. So wild goes before every thought you woke mark nope nobody's touching people he's out there touching people talking to you thank you there you go our Tomlinson. I like her twenty special. Go Watch it. It's called quarterback crisis. It's up there on the net flicks and her and her Sam Dura thing Sam morale who beyond the show Thursday. I think it's on Youtube. Is it on Youtube or instagram? I think he's up. You'll find it. Maybe she mentioned. I think she might have mentioned it anyway. Look before we go a message for all of you out. There doing yard work. You Need Scotts turf. Builder Triple Action for your lawn. Scotts Turf Builder Triple Action Kills. Weeds prevents crabgrass and feeds to build thick green lawns. It's free benefits one bag and with Scott's no-quibble money back guarantee if you're not get your money back. Grab a bag today and make your yard a Scots Yard and now I will play some music. That slightly reminiscent of Neil Young guys playing guitar. Maybe some more cords but then I changed all right okay. We're a ooh aw.

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# 361 - Taylor Tomlinson & ME

Bertcast's Podcast

2:02:35 hr | 11 months ago

# 361 - Taylor Tomlinson & ME

"They all have a No let her Bar Koetter givers your according brand new podcast just everybody and all the dogs in the man Cave Priscilla Mona and Izzie welcome is we got another bull mastiff are Fawn brindle bull mastiff. She is absolutely absolutely adorable but it has not come without headaches in this household my right yes if mom is not on duty they p she pees in the house listening listen to Chris but if mom's on duty was an oppressed she had her imprisoned not super throughout you can almost see it in this is like why would you do this like we were happy. Why would you would you invite another animal in this house. We have three chicken. I was cool with that. We have a stupid cat and this rescue dog. I was the the only purebred and now you bring my competition. You can't improve on perfection. Can't priscilla is such a great fucking. Dog Dog is all look she. She reached over to sit on my lap. I remember when Priscilla was a baby and she came into this podcast and settle builders lap for the entire podcast. I don't think she wants to be in in your life. She's afraid of Priscilla yeah better be. She's okay buddy shots. World tour picks up again this weekend. It's Madison Detroit Roydon Kalamazoo second show out in Kalamazoo Swipe up to get tickets what I'm so used to instagram so I bump to get tickets and then Kansas City the weekend following. We've added a show in Kansas City. There's tickets available bear. Omaha tickets available Omaha but it is a blast. I'm having a blast on this tour. I was first weekend. Thank you so much. San Francisco Los Angeles Kabu I apologize to everyone fucked up the starbucks joke. I fucked it up because I wanted to drink and watch Dave Matthews a nasty price. You pay but the rest of the show was fantastic. It gave me a really it. It was really learning lesson and Arizona. That was a show of a lifetime. I performed in the round in the rounders Isla around no. It's it's it's we're the Leeann. Please get off your phone and hang out with US owning quine yearbook staff. Hey Hey hey hey hey hey Jesus in the round island means when the stage surround you. The audience surrounds you. It's like near Butts out to someone in your faces out to other people. The doctor did guys. That's trying to get involved. I would like to say today's sponsor. I flew out to San Francisco wearing really yeah. I Love Them. They're comfortably shit. It's figs fixes an amazing amazing company that is making scrubs stylish and functional for people who deserve the most for years nurses doctors dentists other awesome medical professionals were forced to where or scratchy ill-fitting scrubs they're not only ugly they were uncomfortable and they weren't designed with innovative technical properties to protect and hold life saving tools figs. Ashley Figs 'cause I. sli slept in them one night on the tour bus. No they're like really stylish sweatpants that makes sense close comfortable shift islands nurse clothes. I wore them. I wore them. They're really cool yeah. They don't look has that's the point. Exactly what figs saying is. When you say nurses close you think one thing figs is changing that entirely did. Did you not read the beginning part of this. We not listening me when I said they are updating and making more stylish and functioning for the people who deserve them and did you know Isla fixes made with Yoga waistbands and they come in a variety of styles of a variety from classic straight-legged to joggers and skinny styles. Were the skinny style. I work at Pebble Beach. Dad Goes good-looking sweatpants and they're not sweatpants. Dad Figs Thanksgiving back to every time you shop at figs. They give scrubs to a healthcare yeah provider in need around the world through their threads for threads initiative to date fixes donated hundreds of thousands of sets in over thirty five countries. He's speaking of giving figs. Mates makes a great gift for the lifesaver in your life. You know someone who's a dentist nurse doctor or some other great medical professional national figs. Gift cards are available so the next time you want to say thank you to them. Say thank you by sending them figs. You will love fix. I love my fix I I. It's so funny. I think girls when we first started making the decision to wear sweatpants on planes sugar was like him in. Can I get you the best parents everywhere in your entire life and I was like yeah and he sent me a pair of figs. I didn't know there already is sponsoring this podcast on then I got mine. I can't I love him. I love them so whether you're wondering the awesome humans humans who works in healthcare or someone who want to say thank you to the deserving folks figs is. GonNa make it that easy by providing you with fifteen percent off your first purchase by using my Promo Code Code Burt. Get ready to love your scrubs head to wear figs DOT COM. That's W. E. A. R. F. I. G. S. DOT COM and enter my my code burt at checkout. I'm telling you comfortable a shit. I wonder if it's because I'm getting older that I think of comfort you know. Maybe I'll do you think of comfort. You know that is a lie that is such a lie well. You are the comfort kid. It depends it. Also some people like soft comforting things. I like rough on comforting shirts. It's lied no mom am I right. She likes the like thicker less expensive t shirt as opposed to like the trendy cut. Try Blend T. shirts. She likes to like guild -an regular t shirt that's her favorite is like the really heavy and thick. Do you think there'll be a time who you want the show off your body. No you sure can't away sweatshirt. Celeste sweatshirts. Maybe aware some figs but it's your para figs. I yeah they go to Burger. Today's guests on the podcast is Taylor. Tomlinson and I have a hard time talking to Taylor about grownup issues because I think of her as like a little sister or even closer. She reminds me so much of Georgia. She reminds minds me so much of Georgia so much so that when she wears I can see that when she wears may well so Taylor toured with me for probably three years two years she as a young lady I mean she's still young lady. She was brand new baby a baby and I had I had told even commented on one of her pictures on instagram. It was like hey young lady. I don't like the makeup you're wearing and so I have a hard time seeing her as an adult and she this is an intense intense podcast. This is what I love about Taylor is. She is all cards on the table. She has got a show in Portland where she's recording her netflix special. This is super important because they're not giving out netflix specials to just anyone anymore and Taylor Tomlinson shooting her netflix special that should speak leaps about how funny she has used just a tour with me from my audiences and my audience is absolutely loved her. If you saw my last two year two years I've been touring in clubs cbs then you saw Taylor. She's the cute young girl who murdered said sister wife her specially shooting in Portland November ten at the Aladdin Theatre. There are two shows so go out. Bring your wife bring you can bring your family but your your parents for Christ's sake because she's that good of a comic and she's not really dirty. She's look don't go in. Obviously she talked with me you know but go out and support her Portland. Go Watch her taping. You're you're GONNA love it. It's all new material. She was on Netflix already. I think on the on the stand ups correct and November tenth at the Aladdin in Portland Portland. Go Out and support her. I absolutely adore this young lady. what we're about to have is a very real awesome intense conversation about loss about relationships about trust about medications about and what it's like to be a young woman in stand up right now which you know so. I have a hard time visualizing things that just I take for granted. I didn't realize that someone like Taylor doesn't take for granted Halen when you lean your head back like you're falling asleep it. You realize I've known to talk to and and you're you're replicating locating what I'm assuming. The listener is doing which is fucking number you were talking to Isla knows talking to you and I either on your phone or rolling your Ed Bat exhausted. I drove a dog home from Phoenix. I haven't had a minute downtime. I'm sorry I'm really tired. Taylor is awesome awesome. She's a really great girl. She sat with us for at least an hour and a half after the podcast. Yeah we continue talking about a lot of the stuff that we talked about on the PODCAST and I didn't not off off one time yeah so it's a fantastic conversation. You're GonNA absolutely love it. I absolutely adore Taylor. Please go supporter November tenth at the Aladdin Theatre in Portland. She shoot her Netflix. Specials Shows Ladies and gentlemen without further ado what's her name Isla East Ladies and Gentlemen Taylor Tomlinson. Something's burning. I'm just Talkin. I did two last night and more set were like set well into November with a minority and I'm just like I'm not sick but I'm just fucking. I was second. I'm getting out of it and I just WANNA sleep yeah. Tom And I have to do to bears one cave. We do two of them tomorrow and so you just podcasting every day or in town right L. A. Man. You're the one I'm excited about. Oh Yeah that's Nice yeah of course I feel like I feel like I'm watching my little sister. Blow Up. That's so nice I straight up judy was like would you want to if I was like if Bert wants me to do it sure but no truly I was like I don't know like maybe like I get much better people I know. Are you kidding honey. I'm so excited. I'm so excited you. You're doing a two shows in Portland for netflix special you one of the few people netflix is giving a special to that is brand new yeah doing an hour special and we're here to sell tickets yeah I have. I have a good group of fans in Portland that I'd have probably not senior perform with me. No no really been with me once yeah. I've only been to Portland once back in February. I did helium and it was the for the podcast. I'll will already have said this one is just told Georgia. You're one of the funniest human beings I know. Oh my gosh that means so much. No you seriously I was the only reason I fucking worked with you this because you're fucking hilarious. I'm party at all. It was not because I was like cool Yay yeah. Oh Yeah You fucking twenty years younger than me your female. You got all the strikes against you but I kind of look like one of your daughters you so you look like you'd be. Georgia hosted like throwback. Thursday photos and people were creches daughter. She walked up. I was like I say something to Georgia but I didn't WanNa say anything and I was like well. You don't want to see me and be like look like like you want her to be bombed. You'll great. You're fucking skinny. Shank you so much. But how do do you dieting or you know. I'm not shying. I just was going through stuff going through. you know you can't see your interesting little anomaly in this life yeah because there are the things you share that. I'm shocked you share really and then there are things that you don't share your private. I'm so okay so I don't. I don't keep anything private and I'm learning running right now that I need to keep things private and I'm curious to know what your surprised that I share the your your passion about wanting to get married really okay well Servic because I called off my engagement a couple months ago so that's what I've been dealing but yeah which you know not to get into the details sales of it because that's not fair to him and we're still figuring things out but essentially the the important thing is like we're not ready to get married and I am not ready to get married and like I really felt ready and then I think beyond just like the issues we were having which again I won't get into but the the stuff outside of I was like why. Why did I get engaged to somebody that I hadn't been with for longer than a year. I was very interested in that again. I'm not I'm obviously I'm always going to take your side on everything but I'm not. I'm not picking sides. I'm not yeah put an issue. No I'm not. I'm not saying that that I didn't want you to get engaged. Listen to on Elliot in the morning shadow to Elliott and I was interested in your passionate about getting married. I was curious feels like I never knew that side of you l. at all and then it happened so quickly seemed to me yeah and and you were so oh I'm going to say this. I'm GonNa say this knowing that I've known you a long time and I feel like I'm never gonNA offend. You never mean to you but there's so many parts of you that I did. I did not see like the fact that you guys had matching shirts on and I was like way. Who's this Taylor at all but we so what was like I mean. Did you just get cold feet. You're like no no no. It's not like that. It was just like we again. I don't want to talk about specifics like we someth- we had an issue in. I didn't react to it well and then we like basically just the important important thing about it is the last couple of months. I've been like oh my Gosh Lake regardless of whatever issues we have the the important important thing to realize is like I shouldn't have been engaged straight now. I shouldn't have been an interesting we were. We had a date like we were going to get married like may thirtieth next year like we were like and it was just like we were so in love. We're why not like. Let's just do this and I'd never felt that way about anybody before and I've never wanted to be around somebody all the time and I do want to get married. I think being married is going to agree with me like yeah definitely think so because that agrees with you like I've heard you talk about how much you love it. We are in hot similar. Yeah we're like you're you like to party and you're more fun than I am and I'm. I'm not even better for me. I'm not fun might be my favorite thing. You've ever said coffee. Mug Coffee mugs this I'm not fun you had made t shirts say. I'm not fun yeah I might. That's a great idea actually. Do you think you're not fun. You know why because I'm so careful and I'm i. I'm just really scared about getting like addicted or dependent to. We're on anything yeah. Although you know I take an edible every night to sleep and I will smoke during the day sometimes now but that took a long time for me to be okay with you were you. Were looking forward to marijuana. I want a weird way like I like you. Were saying it curious the way I said at ninth grade like you gotTa try this. You you remember you ruin like well. I'd love getting Doug with high. Do you think that'd be a cool place to get high for the first time and I was like oh no. I think he asked you. You said you should do it for the first time and I was like now for the first I was like I'm scared but I'm like but yeah I wanna see how it is and I'm still really careful with that but like yeah like my I mean this is a lot like my my psychiatrist gave me a prescription action for content because I've been having like really bad reactions to like other anxiety and antidepressants that she put me on over the last six months like physical like messing with like my heart and stuff in a weird way like just not great and so she was like I'm going to give you like ten client open and I'm like she's like I was like okay. Should I be nervous about that because I'm I've told you I think I have. I've addiction in my family and I'm nervous about being addicted to something and she was like yeah. Well you know you can't abuse it because if you abuse it and then you stopped taking it you'll die and I was was like issues like and you're gonNA WANNA take forever. She's like you're going to take a little bit and it's GonNa make everything better and are going to wonder why can't do this every day and I said well. Why can't I do a little bit every day and she goes because then you might get Alzheimer's. Mars and I said okay so why would I go in this and she's like a temporary fix for right now but like she told me to half of one. I took a quarter by the way I've always been that. I've I've ZANEX and they sell camping was annexed like Xanax some melt your brain yeah so don't take all the time and I would I mean I I have perscribed. Him prescribed a half a milligram. I've never taken more than a quarter yeah because I just go by needed. If I needed to find by the way there are times where I M M spinning out of control my blood pressure's up because I can't my mind's racing and and I've I've needed it to chill the fuck out and uh and it will it makes you feel like so is it. My Dad said it perfectly. The first time ever took his antics he went is this normal people feel like crap. You take him on your I took one. I took a ZANEX. I got that a couple years ago. Maybe two and a half years ago and I took one and I felt like I just felt like my anxiety was smothered and I felt weird and I didn't like it and I was just prescribed by a doctor. I wasn't seeing a psychiatrist and talking to my psychiatrist about it now because I was taking another anxiety medication and I said that's how I felt again and I was like I think maybe I just I'm okay with that this time. What are you so. What do you think you're anxious about or but I mean when I look at you and everything going on in your life. Do you feel I'll tell you things that I'll tell you things that made me anxious as as a young person this business and I wonder if they're connected with you. I didn't feel comfortable in my skin as a as a comedian Radian as a entertainer as anything until about like four years ago really. I was very very very uncomfortable. In my skin. Wow uh-huh I like couldn't have genuine conversations conversations because other things would preoccupy my thoughts like I couldn't sit with AMAC couldn't sit with people that were successful sometimes because I think I was thinking about this the other day. I would think how how did how did he not worry about money like how how they have so much money. Like how do you make money. Leonid business. How do they not have any worries. How did they do that. I was doing fine so successful but I was not comfortable like I probably always had something to prove that no one and and and when I did get opportunities they would overwhelm me. Yes and you'd be like am I ready for this. Am I not ready for this and what the truth is. If it's if it's happening to you ready for it. You can't stop it well. I don't know I wanted to talk to you about this. Because part of the reason I was like I don't Donald Berwick even want me on the podcast to promote the special because I feel like you've said a lot and I. I don't necessarily disagree with you that you're like. Female Comics get get opportunities to early and they're not ready for it and my first thought when I got this I I cried for forty five minutes when I heard I got got it. I was excited for about an hour. First off. I sent net flicks an hour in the hopes that it would prove to them. I could do half an hour and the fact that we we got the hour. Is You know honestly a testament to our manager but no I mean I love Judy. It's not it's not it does not know that's I'd say no no no. He's a lot of clients that don't have hours. She'll tell you that yeah. That's the truth and by the way I was one of them fucking two years ago right. I I think judy is a miracle worker. I fucking Love Judy. I'm never talking about Judy. Yeah but it's you it's you. You're the one that got the our listen. Here's the deal I do believe women get opportunities earlier and are thrust in situations that myself would not have been ready to do. You don't have choice. That's the fucking truth. you're going. You're getting dropped off on the beaches in Normandy right and you just better be fucking ready ready for it. Its you look at like an I. I know I probably talked out of both sides of my mouth on this issue. will you look at amy and Amy I the Times I think she probably bit off more than he can do but when they put her up for that hour she was ready for that our that's the one thing. I'd do good yeah one thing look. You may not ready to be ready to start a sitcom. Write a book and have a movie on the same right. You may not be ready. That's a lot and that's what I maybe. I need to clarify my statement. Is that what happened. Women happens to women in this business is Tiffany haddish does by the way I loved Hippie. I love everyone. I'm just saying what happens is. Tiffany Haddish does great movie. She's ready for that yeah and then all of a sudden. people go well fuck. We don't have anymore. We got one tiffany haddish. We know how lucrative a tiffany haddish can be to us. We need to fucking spread her thin right and I think that's that's what happened. That's what happens by the way to talent and talent young talent gets George Carmichael Yeah. Thank you new hot. I think they're like Yo. We need to get this kid on everything and there are specific examples are Carmichael who is fucking ready across the board yeah and can literally spend a million plates does have drug alcohol issues and is ready for it yeah and the thing is. How long have you been doing comedy since I was sixteen so ten years next year. If there's one thing I know you can do well. It stand up comedy yeah. If there's one thing that I put my money on. It would be an hour special for you. You're just an authentic voice. You're very different you. They don't make comics like you anymore. Like just doesn't happen they used to be. I'm saying like ones where you just dirty guys loved it like you know who's one of my favorite comics fucker name up. Mega Negga mullany Megan Gaily Meghan Rooney. Oh Oh it's any pences why wife Life God damn it. I'm so fucking about this. She was Mega Maroon. We go megamall Rooney. she was someone who's just fucking fucking flat out funny like just fucking funny like you and she could play any crowd. You went up in front of how many fucking drunk beer-drinking marijuana. I WANNA eating. UFC loving space alien believing fucking people and not once. Did you ever have a struggle in front of the that's just your crowds such comedy fans in Europe fucking straight up comic. You're not doing bells whistles up there. Will yeah straight up comedy. Yeah that's and that's what people love and that's why you got the special because you do stand up comedy you don't you're not there preaching some fucking Geno. No no anything like that. That's the one benefit of of being young right now is that I can commonly just go. I can't weigh in on any of this stuff because I I don't know anything and I'm stupid and I don't want to three years from now go. Oh I thought I knew and I didn't like I think I'm pretty self aware and that way so is getting special reviewing Zaidi. Yes Oh my God I I cried for forty five minutes just like on my fiance's just at the time just like I'm not good enough off. I'm GONNA blow it. I don't know why they gave it to me here all the people they didn't give it to that should have gotten it. I don't deserve it. It's that imposter syndrome and it's like extra syndrome so very accurate. Britt before yeah only felt like yourself four years ago. You should terrifies me but it but then the one day that you start feeling like yourself. You realize there's a lot of all that anxiety was good and all that anxiety drove you forward than and that not feeling ready for something is the best feeling you can have right will be prepared yeah the Asian up at night look. I'm not saying I'm not saying. Osei is my showtime special. I was ready for it yeah my last special. I was fucking ready for it like I'm so nervous us about a special not being good that I'm fucking ready for them. I know what I need to do in order to get ready for them and accused me up at night. I get obsessive about Mhm I fuck in and probably a little unhealthy but provides goodman. It provides the roadway roadwork. I need to get to where I need to get right. It's such a balanced too because if you run yourself into the ground up don't worry about that the fucking ground yes. I have consistently done that. You're a young you'll bounce back. No no I totally disagree. It's why I'm so careful about drugs and alcohol and sleep and all that stuff because like if you already have like anxiety Heidi and depression issues. You have to always be monitoring yourself and making sure you're okay. What if you just what if you just let loose. What does that mean. What just became? I'm an alcoholic alcoholic. Just fucking cut loose. Why do you think that you having wondering would lead to alcoholism. I don't think we having one drink would lead alcoholism. I think I I don't disagree with you. Why would I think if I knew what it felt like to be drunk. I tasted alcohol but I'm like. Why would anyone do this unless they were getting drunk. I have a soda Buddha drinking a rupiahs. Everything in the world to drink is rupe here root beer and then they dads that Dad's not your dad's root beer and I was. I was like ooh home. Yeah yeah already trying not to have sugar and that's not going to put me in a meeting so if I want to have an interesting what a loved you said treat. My life is defined by treats but what like I. It's always been fascinating to me that you feel like if you get drunk one time then you'll be addicted because there's no no. I don't know if that's true. I think I just don't even want to mess with it because I don't want to find out because it's not worth it is told as valid. It's in both sides of my family. I just feel it and how bad had though how bad though on both sides like how bad though like like bad like my like my grandpa drank himself to death essentially would you grew up what Bakersfield in the fucking threes in cow so where how what year whittier what do you do what did he do. Frontiers Been No. What did he do know at this point now. I'm like I don't remember but like you don't compare yourself to your Granddad. You're not granted. I know but it's like trying to convince you to drink what I'm trying to children lecco right but yeah. I don't know I think there again. It's just it's a delicate balance of that. Because the the older I get like when I was younger people would be like you should just like on just drink and see if you like it and you don't know and as I get older the more people talk to they're just like yeah don't even touch it like don't even mess with it it because those people have gone through the ringer now even like people my age who were like in it right and they're just like yeah. Just don't touch it like was that was cigarettes. Definitely yeah like don't the reason he's. GonNa Cigarette don't ever donor smoke cigarette and I'd say that with asset with LSD. There's no reporting to us the. I don't think so I think I try mushrooms. uh-huh I wouldn't before getting drunk you would yeah I feel really strongly and I'm sure it's part of how has raised and like my dad never drank like he felt really strongly about it and and and the Times that I've I've I say this on stage yeah. The only times I've ever wanted to drink is alone in a holiday inn express us and from what I for the way that I remember you telling me that knows. Maybe you sudden yeah. That's when you should do it. It's like if you only wanted to go skiing at night. It's like this is what you should do it so you still with friends and for the right reasons and dark when it's just me doc. I just I I yeah when did when did you start noticing like depression anxiety issues when when I was probably probably through my mind when I was like ten diagnose eight and I think that's another big reason why I'm so careful as like. She died when she was thirty four. This is a very common but a lot of kids with dead parents feel like they're only gonna live to be held. Their parents live to and once you survive past that age you feel like the survivor's guilt so I have that to look forward to if I make it but it kind of informs your decision I think it's why I've rushed certain things in some ways that served me where I'm like. I got to be successful right away and then in other ways you rush relationship so you rush decisions because you're like only nine years left so so you're gonna live pass thirty four. I mean I think so. I know that logically but like the emotional the emotional belief that's what's hard to break and it's a lot of therapy and whatnot but there's just so much self-talk your password she cancer yeah we'll she had. Hodgkin's lymphoma yeah and then her her aunt died at thirty four the same thing so do you tested for cancer yeah. I haven't gotten tested for the bracket Jeanette. I need to the bridging. It's to see if you have the breast cancer gene because if you if you have a gene if you have the bragging you you've like an eighty percent percent chance of getting it so a lot of women will get the test find out. They have it and then just like a lot their boobs off if they do just like let's just nip this in the bud really one of my sisters got it. She doesn't have it which is good and also it's why I'm so careful about like health stuff because like my mom had like night sweats for for months and the doctors just kept going. It's hormones. It's hormones hormones and ended up being cancer. Just like Jesus Christ you got you have such a heavy such a heavy for such a light person. You're such like an you really are one of the lightest funnest silliest you're just. It's a great comedian but there's a having to that. I guess maybe I didn't know I didn't know your mom passed from. Somebody's I thought she was still married to your dad. Know my dad. My Dad got married my step mom like like like a year. After really they've been married they've been married a long time yeah and they're like a really compatible great couple. Jewison to Stephen Colbert talk to tweeted it so good talking about losing his dad and his brothers and grief and he said something that all of a sudden you realized not everything's safe or something like Yep hundred percent and that's how I felt since I was eight years old where my most people live in this bubble at least until like after college where you have this invincibility about you like when you're a teenager and you're like twenty one and it was like yeah. I'M GONNA get drunk a blackout because nothing bad's going to happen to me. That's what happens in movies and I have never had that. I have always felt like Mike Yeah. Bad stuff happens and it can happen to us and you and so you have to be really vigilant about the things you can control. which you know isn't much at the end of the day that's crazy and he said it made him? What was interesting about that? I listened that I've never I've never lost anyone thankfully but he said that what was interesting about that is he felt connected to humanity yeah. Did you feel that way. Did you feel like you. Oh Yeah I the only thing I could compare it to and it's it's different because was very happy obviously but the way people talk about and having kids how it opens up something some part of them that I don't understand because I haven't had them yet. You understand because you've had them like. I didn't know I could love someone that much. I didn't know now that that part of me existed it like engage part of you like lit up and and stretched out and I think really intense traumatic grief does the same thing where you find like parts of yourself that help you empathize with other people more and become the more like focused and a little. Maybe there's like a depth to you that I do appreciate now that I'm older but you know in some situations that makes it harder harder to connect with people who maybe don't have that yet like I mean not. I'm not to say that we didn't connect or anything but like when you see salt when you when you round someone like me who literally is almost like carpet diem rocket. This is GonNa last forever guys yeah. What are you talking about but let's go. Let's go to a Strip club ebb rates. I mean what was it like working with me where you were like yeah. I'm not because you would go back to your room and work and I would go out to a cigar bar to a strip club yeah yeah. I think I envy that. I think I envy and admire that about you because I I don't feel like I can be that way because of the fear I have probably so deeply ingrained in me and again in some ways it's really helpful and it helps you focus and be successful and whatnot but like I'm sure on some level seeing someone so successful astle who is able to live that way and really you really seem to enjoy every part of life and be very present in a way that maybe I haven't figured out quite yet. I have moments of being like present but for the most part I feel like I'm either thinking about the future or the past. I have a lot of trouble just being in the current moment but yeah I mean it's just a different. It's it's just a different thing like I. I tend not to connect with people who are out partying or whatever as much because for me on the stakes are higher for me you know to me. It's not just find that that's insane. It's so hard for me to wrap my head around because I wish I have more of you. I wish I had more of I wish I was more careful really yeah yeah. I just I just recently this past month. Everyone will have heard this a million times by now. I'm sure but I was home and I always say to myself. You know I'm GonNa be home for a little stretch. I should get healthy. I really took it to heart this time and I've drank very minimally and I've lost. I think now about like thirteen pounds. It's and I and I'm feeling although I've got little sick it. I had a cigar the of the Dan immediately at fucked my allergies up. I got a chest infection but I started saying to myself as for the first time I've never I've never thought this way ever. I started saying like what if I've done some irreparable damage to my body that won't I'M NOT GONNA bounce back from like I was was worried about my blood pressure. My blood pressure was bouncing around and I was like an I wrote a bike from la La data or Philadelphia to Ah Atlantic City and I was and I have normally been very good at physical activities for some reason I had been partying and I hadn't and slept and I had flown in and I just had a really hard time with his bike ride and that night I just had like my toes were numb after the bike ride and I was like and they weren't getting back to normal and I was like and I came home the next day I took my blood pressure was really high and I was like and I'm flying all day and I was like all right. I I've been thinking and now obviously my blood pressure's. One hundred percent fine just say next for people that are concerned but I went to the cardiologists and I got all the tests. Ron and he's like you got to lose some weight. Your livers getting fatty. You got to lose weight by livers. Not good that turns into all bad list disease so you need to lose weight and I started going what if I've done irreparable damage and I started looking back at times where I just was not worried about the future at all. I remember I think one time I'm in particular remain. Steve Byrne got into a car in Washington in Seattle at like four in the morning to fly home and I had a twelve pack apply nickens and I drank six on the ride to the airport and Steve was laughing and I was laughing is like what the fuck you doing. Steve like. I really all the times I just said especially. It's like you start hanging out with older people who are having ailment issues and you see them like like guys. I know that have done a lot of coke in there older than their. Their hands are shakier. They're not they're looking more feeble than I started going. I don't want to be an old person. I don't WanNa be why why why wasn't a more careful when I was younger to take care of my body and treat it like a temple then you start looking. My neighbor is was as seventy years old the age of my mom and she has a shit. They just put a ramp into her room. She was a legit when we moved in here. She was a hardcore alcoholic but was coherent. Current allow shoe drink a box of wine every night and smoke a pack of cigarettes and I celebrated in my head. I was like I was like fucking. Get after it Mary and yeah and then I was like that's my Canaria. Now I'm watching her and she has to wear a big bell and the guy holder by the belt. Was You oxy. She has a walker as she can't see see well and she doesn't even know who I am anymore and it's we've only lived here like fucking seven years eight years nine years and I start and I go. I wish I was more careful like I start saying saying that. I'm going to spin class. I noticed that like that like there was a time where I do spend classism. I felt I love the challenge. My Body felt now. I'm like fought. Get me out of here do do you. Do you think you're gonNA look at life and go. I wish I wasn't more careful when I was younger over like those shows less careful. I wish I wasn't working. I don't know that's that's the question I'm always asking myself off is and I had those questions while we were engaged from like Oh. I hope I'm not making the mistake because my dad. My Mom and dad got married when they were both still in college. My mom didn't finish my dad was finishing like when they got pregnant with me and was like really stressed out young the oldest and other part of it. I'm sure but furtive yeah and like they got married at like twenty two and you know my dad always said like wait till you're at least twenty seven to get get married and I've always been like yeah. It seems like I always wanted to get married when I was thirty and I think honestly part of it was like I want to get married. Read before career stuff gets too crazy too late I but like I I think that was a factor. I think party was like before I have have no. That's silly things go I want. I want the stability. I want somebody there. You know why your fucking life life is about to be so fucking fun. I know but I'm again. It's I'm I crave stability more than anything else yeah. I I really do because when your parent is Super Young. You're like Oh cool so that can happen. The person who's supposed to be there forever gone got it and then my dad yeah got remarried and then she got cancer a few years later holy fuck yeah and she was crazy healthy like so healthy so thin so just just doing everything right. The doctor told her like maybe she was eating too much. Tofu and maybe that contributed to like estrogen or something for breast cancer. I mean she beat it obviously obviously but like just I've seen so many people get cancer that cancers come for everybody so even if I'm super careful that so why would I even tempt fate further like all right. I'm going to do whatever I want for. Everybody is fucking hilarious. I feel like I was there. Were like eight months Maybe like six months of this like the February to June of this year. I was the happiest I've ever been in my whole life I felt totally safe and loved and stable and like everything was going great and my career stuff was happening and relationship stuff was happening and I found my person and and I did all this shit and I'm like I'm GonNa have kids and a few years like all. These things were coming together. I could not believe how lucky I felt and the whole time I was like. I was having horrible nightmares about all the horrible things that could happen. I was having like so much anxiety where I'm just like the other shoe to drop because I don't everyone listening right. Now can identify with that yeah. Everyone everyone when things are going great. You're like well. When's the Hammer Fall Yup Yup. Everyone feels that halston deals with with depression yeah he's talked about. He didn't realize he was dealing with it until he did a podcast with Leeann really he was just listening in. This woman was talking about what depression wasn't Halston. Mother fucker got depression. Yeah that's crazy. Talk about it only as podcast. I don't know if he's ever talked about it on my podcasts guests. I'm sorry if I just Halston edit it. You take it out but but yeah and I don't know I definitely know I definitely deal with depression but I think I must have it like bad because I I can get past the panic attacks and stuff hord core yeah and I have catastrophe thinking yeah me too where I start. I it it can it can be somewhat overwhelming where I start to spiral out on the silliest things and and it makes for a really shitty parenting sometimes Iran yeah we got into a knockdown drag out fight last night like a legit. Probably one of our families biggest fights last night because because I bought these stupid fucking Tada swords. I don't know what they are. I don't know where to be honest with you. Georgia knows what they are. Georgia saw them. She wanted one. I bought three see them. Meet one for me one for Allah one for Georgia. Let me get them and we basically. I don't know what you'd like. Let him go and then they go like a like a saber. Oh Yeah and then and then you can push them back up and Isla opened hers staring at it and it hit her in the face and hit me in the back of the head and I thought it cut her a nose off. I got an an I don't manage. I don't manage well and she was scared. Georgia was Georgia was looping which makes isla upset. Yeah I think Islas seriously injured on my watch because I bought these stupid fucking things ray and it spun out of control so fucking bad and the only one that held it down was lamb and she had the like fucking. Put us all on our separate. It was really nasty asked him but it's and then and then there's a part of parenting. That is absolutely terrified. I would I would I would argue. It's not even worth ever having the kids. I kind of feel that way. Sometimes I want them so bad and I don't know if I can handle it. I'll be honest with you. I remember one time. Were my parents house. My parents have a pool. The Girl Georgia was I think he's just George I love maybe it's just been born Georgia's walking and oh sitting in the thing I wasn't around the girls. I didn't know where they were. Li I thought Liam was with them and my dad goes who left the Goddamn door open. God Damn it is she in the fucking pool in a in a split second. I realized I'm about to go look in the pool. Oh Aw my daughter's dead. I don't this then. None of this was worth it. It was a rather never have loved than than have fill. The Phyllis loss whatever that flood of in the flood was was so horrific and she was fine. She wasn't in the pool. She was upstairs with the end but the door's open and I'm fucking. I remember thinking why the fuck did. I have kids I don't. I don't need this vulnerability. Yup that vulnerability is and it does help but it does open aside you that that until it does you don't know what it's like to really great then it sucks and then one night fucking daughter opens a sward interface you think she loses her nose and you're going. Oh my God. What am I gonNa do with a apparently daughter without a note like a the parent or daughter without a no fucking terrifying. It's terrifying having kids. It's terrifying living life. It didn't feel like do feel like there is some sort of aversion therapy training that will maybe help you. did some of that in high school and in high school because a after after mom died. I I didn't know I didn't know anything was like weird about Mayor House handling things but I became very very terrified that I was that me and my sisters offers were Gonna get or something would have my sister's mostly we're. GonNa get kidnapped or murdered. I used to like I had insomnia all through middle school high school. I would like pace up and down the halls of our house thinking. If I fell asleep the house burned down to my family would die like all that Kinda. Shit had no idea it was gonNA was severely yearly depressed when I was like fifteen and like my best friend at the time like I think you have depression because she had that in her family and so she knew I didn't even know Oh that was a thing and she's like you buy sees him. One and I told my my dad was like I think I need to see somebody and by the time I saw somebody. She was like she was like you. She's she's a you are depressed. She's a but it's because you're so anxious. She's like you are so terrified that all these might happen or whatever should you are depressing yourself herself with your anxiety. She's like all go hand in hand and that made a lot of sense to me and she had the most helpful thing that happened with me going to her and I started going to her right before surging stand up stand up helped so much and in therapy she would say like well. What are you afraid is going to happen on my. We're GONNA road trip this weekend. I'm afraid my dad's GonNa get out of the car and someone's going to get in the car with me and my sisters and we're GONNA get carjacked at a gas station and I'm going to have to say my sisters and like all the and she's like okay so let's pretend that happened. I'm like I don't want to. I don't WanNA think about she gives us pretend that happened. What can you do is are. They GonNa hit a stop sign. Can you jump out of the car. I'm like my sister's Cartha okay. Can you get the license plate. Can you do all these things that you could do in that situation. They'll take control back which helped for a while and I think now my brain's wired wired to do that and that can be its own unhealthy spiral where you have to learn to go. I can control any of that so I just need to not think about it for a minute and I got into into a pattern. I think of going Oh my gosh. What if this happens. What if this happens I think okay well? These are all the things I could do if this happens okay so these are all the things that you do is you just spend all of your free time catastrophes and thinking about what might happen and it isn't happening and then if it does happen. You're like okay well. This is what I decided in. My head would happen if this happened so this is what I'm doing. Regardless of what it is with is what I'm doing and you just like that can be its own assess you. Don't take a minute. You're just you're like. I've been terrified this whole time. It happened and I knew it would and okay all right. It's a new and I'm so stupid that I thought the universe let me happy like all that stuff. Just I still to this. I did think of I don't pay respect to to the the the things that terrifying if I don't give them the respect of being being a little terrified of them then they're gonNA happen. Yes if I don't if I don't respect the fact that I could die on this plane if I just go. It's just a plane flight hase ace. There are so many successful ones. I don't respect you and this might be my sound earth. Then if I don't pay the respect that I di- I feel that so so hard Oh my gosh yes. I always think that I'm like if I don't expect something to happen. It will because that's what happened. When I was a kid. I never thought my mom was going to die and then she did and I was like okay okay so I guess from now on track all these moles that's before they pop up walk. I wonder how many people are listening to this podcast right now. Going I am so that that person you know but I wonder if there's more of a population of because I am that person but I'm also the person that lives live for tablet callously and goes well and you've you've lost anybody so maybe if you lost somebody. You'd be totally different. I don't know who I would have been if I didn't lose a parent like I pro- I'd be totally different. I think I think a lot of ways probably how much of your dad's how much of Your Dad's parenting was him losing his wife Yeses who he was before and after oh I think I think after my mother he really like I think he did kind of revamp his life a little bit. I mean he got he had a new job in a new wife and he was kind of a new person and at thirty four which is young people get married the first time at thirty four and he's trying to be what we need. I don't think my dad's started dealing with the fact that he lost his wife until like this year really really yeah and he's told me that he's been like. I just didn't have time. He's like I had four daughters who were all under the age of ten and my wife Dot. He's like I just I didn't have time. I'd go back to work meet someone to marry with four daughters. Here's a so crazy so the way that he and my stepmom met my step. Mom worked with my grandma. My my dad's mom in southern California. We lived in northern California and you lived in northern yeah. We lived in Modesto. Did you always live in Modesto. Modesto know up until I was ten in the we moved to Temecula Locker. Yeah because my dad got remarried so my step. Mom just heard that my mom was sick through my grandma heard what our family is going through whatnot Christian giving church. She just gave us like gave us money for like hospital bills. I don't even know how much but after my mom died. My Dad was like calling people saying like hey thank you for doing that really appreciate it all those things and they started talking like her engagement broke off and then they were talking hang in he like took some time to figure out if he was ready for that and like they just you know ten months later they're married and my like here's my dad. My has really just so he wouldn't wouldn't he wouldn't have sex before marriage and he was a music teacher. He had no money he had four daughters onto the edge of ten. I'm like how how fucking smooth is my dad that he and my son hot like she's she's like Selene Dion when they got married like Oh yeah so hot and unlike unlike this would not sleep with you. He's got all these kids as she had like so. She had multiple houses like a boat. She lived didn't like this House yes. She's like a really successful real stage and she had all this money had no money. He won't have sex with his kids and all his debt. He's paying off my dead mother's. There's student loan bills still and her hospital bills because those don't die with you apparently and you're just like how did you manage to. We'd bet like that's that's how much game my dad has. It's so funny I don't think of Your Dad. I do not think of game that you met your dad but the only the only thing I know I want to save my age but the only thing I know yeah. I think that's fifty forty six. That's my mid roll. reads mid roll reads. What are these are mid roll reads. Have you noticed that you're hearing or seeing a lot more ads for socks. Just a few years ago feels like no one was talking about socks but why so much noise now about something. 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Bert enjoy the rest of the PODCAST fucking bizarre. Is that yeah you were traveling around with a guy on the road. Who's known your Dad's age but another guy who's older than Your Dad Brian Regan. Oh Yeah Yeah that's fucking insane by the way you fucking looking scored with fucking working with comics. Oh I know you couldn't find I I always you're my ace in the hole. If if anyone ever comes out don't try to lie about me and Sam a sexual harasser call me I'll tell I go. I go no I I yeah I'm but you got to really solid dudes to work with that. Were did never marginalized you never how fucking lucky and so different very you're like at the top of their game in their own respective genres of cometary different audiences to different. Who did you kill harder in front of Brian's Franco Yours I for sure because his were like you went up ice cold for twenty minutes. It's just you go up in a theater ice. Cold people are still sitting down and somebody says but yeah some of them were but also you know when I was working with you. You had just started selling out clutch just started selling tickets yeah so so when I started working with you it was like they were two percents users usually a host before so I had like this new gregoire feature spot so it's a little different and then you're going to see a comic in a theater I mean I don't know if you're openers now. Feel this way but like there's a little bit of like at a certain point people okay yeah but where's where's burt though we're here to see burt even if they're crushing even if they're doing a great job. There's some people in the room going but where's you know which. I'm so glad because like the a month before Brian's manager reached out the first time for me to open for him. I taken my dad for like a Christmas gift to see Brian Regan and his opener. I don't even remember member who was but it was great degree but at a certain point like maybe like fifteen minutes into the set your twins Brian Coming. That's that's who I've been listening to since I was a kid too you know your audience is like yeah but we came to hang out with Bert like you're great. Thank you roll. My fans loved you lower. Your fans are great. I'm sure every uh I got very lucky. In that I accrued. I accrued fans from great comics like a lot of comic shared me with their audiences. Joe Joe included Pie Joe Number One but and he had he had and has the best comedy fans comedy stance Lance Yeah but I think a lot of Brian's. Fans are comedy fans too but a lot of them are. I think a lot of them are just Bryant. Fans Bryant fence prions gotten and Brian's got a you can do a theater in the same town Brian's doing it theater and he'll still sell out yeah. Nothing affects US ticket tails now. He's he's yeah I my what not to pivot from anxiety and depression curious about what what was it like to go from hosting or featuring two headlining like that first year that you started headlining trying to think of the first I'll tell you my experience and I'm curious. Have you had it is. I had a lot of people wanting to prove a point to me that I wasn't ready to headline. I got a lot of men specially black men black men were the fucking worst featuring for you do black men by the way coupledom. I've I I had rough times falling but I really respect and yeovil them. fucking still hate to this day at black men. Were not nice to me. I just across the board. How old are you any started started. Headlining Jesus Christ houses possible two thousand four Georgia was born. I was thirty two when I was. I was headlining when Georgia was born but I got my first tore like meaning like legit. Improv funny bone call and I'm doing like thirty pretty spot dates when I was born in in two thousand six so it's thirty four when I first started legit headlining around the country thirty four right thirty two thirty three is when I started headlining and you get you get get fallouts. Yeah I get the date Oh yeah an and and had to before that too because before I was married to Leeann I was going in and doing Thursday and Sunday and then like Kevin Pollack coming or Louis. CK would do due Monday Sunday Saturday Sun Saturday Friday Friday Saturday but you'd get in your thirties at thirty one thirty two thirty the three thirty four. I had a lot of fucking weekends where it was like. Someone wanted to prove a point. They were thirty seven. They were forty. They were going to teach me a lesson and put my Dick in the dirt and it was an and by the way the clubs wanted at the time. The clubs didn't believe that L. A. Knew what they were talking about with headliners. So you get they wanNA front that. You could not bring anyone with you. You could never now bring someone with you and the club would put you with someone who would fucking try to bury you and it was it was a lot of people that and then you'd meet really cool. motherfuckers Nikki Glaser came out and feature for enrichment and I was like I didn't know who she was but shows like she's cool. Let's hang out. We'll take you in and do radio with you. They was just nice to be with someone cool yeah but what was it like for you when because you and he's thirty two years ago yeah like two years ago it hasn't been that long and I mean clubs still like just now. I'll put in feature requests like a few months in advance and clubs will be like a Weirdo book. Somebody and I'm kind of like okay like so how. How far in advance do I need to request. This and my agent was like probably like yeah just as soon as possible so I'm here. I've put yeah that's what I've been putting in for next year. It's just like all right well. Can we get this proved now but then other times the last me the week of like who do you want and I'm like I would love to have known that nobody I want now is available but yeah I you know what that's bullshit and the club owners say this this bullshit clubs. That's bullshit lying to you. I know they're going to because they want control right and I have noticed not so much not so much with the Improv because the Improv like I'm right by Levity so I feel like they're a little nicer but there have been other clubs that I will mention inch but there are other clubs that I definitely feel like they're like yeah you can headline but we are going to book a road dog who only does our rooms featuring and will like probably die featuring in our rooms and but we know he can kill for twenty minutes thirty minutes. Whatever and we're GONNA make sure like it's almost like they don't believe that I can do it unchanged at all yeah. That was the okay. I'm glad to hear you say that because I feel like I'm being suspicious. Sometimes I'm like you're being paranoid. Burnley I would be but I don't blame those cups for feeling that way. I am a twenty five year. Old Girl in some is places. I was twenty two or twenty three of course you don't think I can crush for forty five minutes to an hour of course you don't think I can but and of course you want to make sure that I'm not bringing a friend of mine who also can't and then it's a terrible weekend. I completely get that but it does always kind of feel like all right. How how many times do I have to prove myself that that idea of proving yourself it's like do. I have to prove myself forever like I just have to get big enough like yeah yeah. It's just forever you know but but I understand why why people feel that way about me because I feel that way about me. Sometimes you shouldn't then you know what what it sucks but it's nice. No there's equality in the fucking workplace. 'cause I'd nice to know that you knew who had it worse than you me. Tom Saga really whole Tom Cigarette and no one knows this a not sharing secrets but Tom hasn't been vocal about this. He doesn't talk the way the way I talk about. Shit on podcast. He doesn't just open up like a book. the one thing. I gotta say this so cool about. Tom said he's got a real a real distinct set set of pride in themselves like he he he prides himself off for being a funny. He knows he's funny and he's talented yeah. I didn't know that about myself. I thought I thought was at its imposter syndrome. I always thought like anyone any minute. Now is going to figure out I am not that good yeah and Tom would go in and they would Tom's low energy. He's not going up fucking like me me. Ripping shirt off drinking. I mean I I could all of a sudden. I had to do a few rounds at the clubs or one round at the clubs and everyone liked me and they're like Oh. I can't wait till birds back per. Who Do you want you we're GONNA. Do we're going to book a big drink and feature actually a good so like I after one round of doing the clubs. The clubs like his guy sells drinks yeah. Let's make sure he's he's happy. but Tom Tom in bag they would just go in and they would do the work. Those asked them not sit into a meet-and-greet in greet not really sell merch not try to fuck anybody which is in name. They're they're blown away that Tom. Girls going in and being just a good employee. We just going. I'm going to do my work. I'M GONNA go back to my room and read a book. Go Sleep Trial Jim the morning I'm endeavour eat something definitely something and then come back into the work again and he got put with fucking murderers that legit the club ago. Why don't you just let him host and feature and then Tom you do an hour so you do forty-five Tom you do forty-five. TOM WILL BE CO headlining but not calling it that yeah such thing yeah. I've never those those stories you hear about people getting switched and stuff like I've never had that happen to me. Thank God but I've always been afraid of it happening. which is part of why? I work so hard is because like I would be. He's so mortified if I went to a club and you know what just have him do it and like I've I've had some really great features and like as I've gotten more credits. I feel like people understand more the okay you've been on tonight show Conan Netflix. We get it like all right. I understand what you're saying but like when I first started I didn't have as many I could feel guys going. Like why the fuck are you headlining and it's not happening for me. You don't even have t shirts or selling t shirts like all the like. I have have stickers. I put like just you can just feel it or I mean I would make. I would go into green rooms going like I know it's like. Why am I even doing this and they'd be like well. It's good you know like like that kind of stuff. Where you're like are trying to get ahead of it but I guess that's what this feels like but also I've had plenty of guys who were like. I've tried to be self deprecating. They don't do that no you. You should be it should be where you are. It's it's. It's not everybody but yeah those those weekends that you do feel it where you're kind of like. I mean I if I were in your position. I probably feel the same way so I can. I keep you mad at some guy's been doing it for twenty years. Who just never never popped is just going to be a road dogg forever and is is probably a little bitter or upset understand that the bar at the club was not where you're supposed to be after the show every night right so many of those guys and myself included by like this I think I think it's not as simple as I'm not. I'M NOT GONNA I'm not I'm not going to blow smoke up my own ass but what I will say. Is that that panic that both of us have some guys do not have it and I've seen them piss way their careers at the end of every night. I was literally only at the bar because I wanted the fans snow. I gave a fuck and I was hanging out with the fans and drinking I drank regardless. I was GONNA drink but for the most part I looked at this as a business yeah more than I like. I never went up on stage drunk. Never Guy by the way I'm sure I did at times in my career. I'm not I can't say never but I know for fact that I would bring a drink on stage and that was how the night started didn't go up. I didn't get to to the club. Oh let me get a pop. Let me get a few beers before I get on stage and I think a lot of guys looked at it is like a vacation and didn't look at the job and I think I took a lot of other aspects of the career very very seriously as well material my my I took chances when they weren't like people are GonNa take chances. I made a rape joke last night. That's not a chance yeah I I I. They can't handle what I talk about that. You're not thinking chances. Tak- Janssen tell us I mean I'll tell you right now. One of the base chance I ever took was telling the machine story moment moment story and learning how to tell that's a chance take a chance and do something different yeah and so. I think that's I wanNA hear I just want to. You're more horror stories of being young headliner because we'll thing is when you were a young female to you. Do you have to be safe to so like I couldn't go you know get shit faced at a bar with a bunch of people from the audience by myself because like doing a meet and greet is weird sometimes because like your lower back doc gets touched a lot and like and sometimes you get touched too much by people who aren't even doing it in a weird way. You get touched too much and you too but they're like moms who come up to you when they're drunk and they're just like touching your face in every part in fixing your clothes and you're like I can't. I can't do this in between two Friday shows. I can't have everybody pot. Let me and no matter how nice they are. How well meaning they are and have like two creepy guys my dad's age talk this close to my mouth and then I have to go back up and I think about that as I'm telling jokes about what I prefer sexually like. I don't want any of that in my brain as I'm going up and telling strangers all of the most private things is about me because like I need to be able to do that to be good at my job and I wanna be that type of comedian whose like open and honest of it but it's going to make it hard if creepy be mother. fuckers are coming up like it's like I you're making me. Don't WanNa do this anymore. Feel worth it. Dave like I just. I don't no no so it's it's even like I've been like renting a car more often because you just never know who they're going to send from the club to pick you up. You just don't know and a Lotta Times. They're totally fine and then other times Guy Love Times really not yeah I think I think you're really underestimating overestimating overestimating. That sometimes are really nice guys. Sometimes they're really not yet. Sometimes they have fucking massive chips on their shoulders and sometimes you get great people. Sometimes you get great people that it's true. I never thought about that. Yeah put an IRA gotta go to radio is someone I don't know so. Let's cut down on the airport short trips and if I need to go to target for something like let's just make that all in my control and like maybe let's really fucking interesting. I never really you know I've I've thought about you going out on the road but I never thought about what that what the the actual logistics of that yeah and if I have a feature with me like I did a comedy come on state in Madison Griffin got such an amazing club and an Madison's really cool to fuck him to women that run that yeah fucking fucking amazing yeah fucking amazing grace run at very very professionalism check spot checks one of the best clubs one of my favorite favorite clubs yeah it's incredible there and they let me request a feature brought out Hunter Hill and there was He's a really funny comic. He's he's in. La Comic he He's allies opener so he was out with and we had a great weekend went to the farmers market. We had a waterpark like we hung out all day. It was great right and then the last night we got in the elevator at night and there were weddings going on there and there was a dude who was just fucking wasted like some dude in his twenties and he he got. He got in the elevator with us and he was hunters. Four was like five mine was eight and the guys was seven and the guy gets in after me and hunter and the doors close and it goes up to five it the doors open and hunters hits the door closed thing and goes goes up and let the guy get off and I'm like hey thanks for that and he's like yeah. There's no fucking way like there's no fucking way. I would have been like sooner Taylor. Yeah I yeah so I'm going to go face tyler way daughter oblivious home safe it would have been yacking oblivious to that would have been like hey he's got it from the rest of the way take care of the airport tomorrow right right but like that was a that was a moment as I would have been real freaked out and like it would have been who knows like I'm not saying that guy would have done anything. I'm just saying like there's there's some like Dushi Bro. White Guy in his twenties wasted in an elevator me at midnight. Who nut like you know you just don't know don't know and having somebody else else there. If nothing else just to discourage people from being weird to you after shows or whatever is like is something you know. Malcolm issues don't really have to think about Oh. You've seen me get sexually assaulted in lungs right yeah. No you're like I've been set straight up sexually assault. That's true. I mean you know you could overpower most. Oh so I don't mind it. This is I think most women do it to you Muslim and guys too but guys really fucking rub me the wrong way. Guys do it to me where it's an Alpha thing and that rubs me wrong and I shut down pretty quickly yeah and and and I've been an asshole I I don't mind women touching my body. I don't like people touching my belly button. That really freaks me out yeah like I remember we were in. DC One time in these lesbians were kept grabbing my Dick and I just it was like I was like I'm like yeah you know. What am I GONNA do. Cause a stink about it right but you like but at the same time you're like you know and then other women see it in like. What the fuck are they doing. Do you like I don't know man. I don't know how to fucking wrangle this. Yeah it it. It's it's bizarre and I never even noticed it until the me too. Shit showed up. I never noticed it part of job as part of the GIG. I remember you know when that when Terry crews said this this agent grab my Dick Yeah. You've never been around people to do coke like I was like. You've never had an agent. I've had so many people grab my Dick Nick so really many. Oh Yeah I had a gay guy one time hug me this by the most sexiest alternate member felt nope. He hugged me. Were both in. I hope that we're both in running shorts and he put his Dick on my Dick like press them together other I was like I don't think you're allowed to do that to people it was so creepy. Did you say that I don't think you're allowed to do. Maybe you'll l. certain things and I was like what the like he wasn't an accident he went out and he grabbed my buttocks and pull me close and I went AAs. Let's continue to after shell no no just outside wasn't even it wasn't regular life. It was didn't know who you were. I was in regular life like he just sexually assaulted me in nowhere and it was I was like the way I am. I'm not putting light of what happened to Terry crews but like I was just like so dumbfounded like really happened but I would never turn the guy in it. Yeah let them go through life doing that. I think some women reacted to some of the metoo stuff with that too of just like yes. That's what happens. I mean guys suck. Dr Slap them away. Suck Straight and gay guys guys suck yeah. What do you expect and I feel like was it. Was it Tamie I feel like was it amy Schumer who had that in one of her specials where she was like this. There's this new generation of women who have you guys been getting sexually assaulted like this the whole time and they're like Oh. I mean it's it's like I feel like Leeann talked about that on here right where she she was just about the stuff or she had a bad date and like a lot of people had that reaction to people with the disease stuff happens retard. It's hard because I should change and you do have to talk about it but you also gotta be sensitive to the fact that like some of these guys were never taught so you got to take the time to teach each guys look in an Ziza's defense he. I don't mean to be crass. I'm not and I don't mean to be mean but Aziz couldn't get pushing until he was a famous. You on these knows any stand up and stuff not really no. He's what fucking five to. I've never met him. I have not yet heine by the met him. I'm not trying to talk negative. He's not not a very pleasant person. He was before he was famous. I met him and he was just very almost like rude to me and Samarra. Neither of US had a pleasant interaction with them and we're trying to be nice and so he so I'm sure he didn't have fucking great game because he wasn't a nice guy to be around with just a man and he was it's not like he's over the top attractiveness of smaller person and so that's why guys guys like that tried to get famous like he didn't. He wasn't just like a regular man who learned how to kiss a girl at like fifteen. I don't know because I've known like really good looking guys who don't realize that delay. There just aren't considered those. There's there's that there's two ends of the SPEC guys pussy for the first time at twenty five or twenty nine or whatever then there's guys that are these fucking like Alpha's who have been walking through life like a bull in China shop going what occasions finger through her pants and you're like. I think there's guys who are in between us guys who feel really insecure and go. I felt really insecure cure so I didn't know how to talk about sex and I'm like then. You probably did some stuff that they weren't comfortable with you had to I mean you had to like. I think most guys you had to have cool. Chicks had chicks. You hooked up with them like whoa slowdown yeah. It's it's all communication. That's all it is like a lot of times I. I don't think that's putting it on that. Almost sounds like we're putting it on women to teach men how to behave now. I think it's gotta be it's gotTa be like better better represented. I think it is more and more like I. I don't know if you've noticed as you've been watching things like there's more people going like hey do you wanna stop as cool like just real quick in movies and stuff and women. I think recognize it more when it happens you go. Let's cool that they you know because there are lots of guys who like been with lots of like and they just they don't know they're supposed to talk. They don't know they're supposed to go. Hey are you okay. They don't know they're supposed to talk about. It and you're like hey like that wasn't great for me that kind of sucked and they're just like. I just I've never talked to anybody about. It and you're like you've been inside. People and you've never thought to go. Is You good you're right. It was good for you. You've been like I came done. You've been in the sex I'm like. Are you serious like if I bump into someone on the street. I'm like Dini drive you somewhere somewhere. I'm sorry that I in this position. There's people that are there. the amount of I. I'm not a big this guy so I i. It's hard for me to speak about that at all. just never. I wasn't good at it. When I started it. I was embarrassed. I was always a shamed shamed. Soviets extra someone suffice to say It was not on the first time that we hooked up. It was not on the fucking I just. I'm not good at that right. so. I'm a bad I'm a bad representative of of of that but I I do know that I had friends in college who you hear them. Talk about sexual conquests and be like yes sounded sketchy. We'll never guys who just think they're supposed to act that way like and that just gets ingrained in them where they they just go like. I had sex with this. Many people and I feel like I should feel good about that or some of these. You feel like they're supposed to do that in the same way that someone Mongrel feel like Oh. It's my number shouldn't get too high. It's just it's all bullshit. I think if there's one thing I could share with young men it would be like hey hold onto your virginity just a little longer longer than you think he should yeah. It's okay it's okay. It's got to get rid of this through fourteen. I was like I need to lose my virginity now. That was my mover Tina in a fourteen when I got into high school knows was I fifteen in fifteen fourteen turning fifteen. I was like I need to lose my virginity now that this is the the most important thing on my plate is getting rid of this virginity a and I was in a panic until I was seventeen a lawsuit. I want to seventeen a man. The second losted. I regretted it more than anything I've ever regretted. I th I realized very quickly. I am not ready for this. This is a grown grownup thing and I am not a grown up. I just want to go back to being a kid. Fuck this fucking not a good experience. Do you think you've had more sex sex than me or less ex- definitely less really yeah definitely less. I Know How many people you've had sex with OCHRE nevermind yeah I listen to podcasts. Oh through. I'm talking about a lot. There's there's things I feel like our beat up on a z sometimes because I feel like he's he's a bad had example he. His name was comes up. Whenever metoo comes up because he kinda got what sound people are debating. It's like everything else. People are pretty everyone else like Harvey Weinstein's a fucking yeah. That's why you know that noth nothing. I mean not to like that's the reason people came came to. Hollywood is there dorks and they couldn't get pussy and this was a way to get postie. I mean the majority of people out here. Just get pussy. Very few. People people are into art. I know I do always know when I hear stories like 'cause like you know I have a lot of like young female friends were in this business whether they're writers or performers or just kind of in the scene or whatever and they'll tell me stories about like famous people who they got asked out by once and like just the horrifyingly oblivious Astrit they did and I'm like. Oh that's just those people have been like famous long and didn't never have have to become like consider. I don't know just connect with human beings yeah it was about. I'm F- I've witnessed it of famous. People just being like you're gonNA suck our addicts right and you decide who speaks to anyone like that. I remember I had an experience where I realized I saw young girl in a situation the she was quite compromised in. Um and I remember realizing in that moment. Everyone just wants to be heard everywhere she doesn't she doesn't want to be a sexual. The object despite the fact that that is how she made her living and that is her business. She also wants to be just like a cool person and be yeah. You did cool and no one was was doing that. They're almost laughing at her and I was like this is not what I signed up for. Almost really I almost quit drinking that night so I was like I think alcohol's turning everyone into that. I think alcohol was pulling. Everyone's empathy way and they were and it was like treating people like shit and I think alcohol was allowing her to let them treat. Her like Shit knows like this isn't cool yeah but see that's part of something. That was so commonplace. I was GONNA fraternity. Get to strippers come into strip for everyone and everyone would almost be disrespectful to them and and that was like the fun of it. I guess and then the women were like well. Make living asked to ass and it was like I don't know I've seen a lot of misogyny in my life seen a fucking Dick load. I try to have conversation about the basis of Misogyny last night own apartment. I'm going to run it by you think. This could be a bit okay. Try to work in a bit about misogyny because Halston. I had a very I I feel honest conversation with Leeann and she did not take well a fan of it but our our point was the baseball misogyny for the most part is guys getting their heart broken or trashed by girl cheating on them and then they just shut down to like fuck women and all their friends who've been trashed jumping and they're like yeah fuck that bitch. You know you gotTa do you. GotTa fuck a bitch just like a commoner stomach. Throw a dollar and go take out or and then you'll be over this other chick. I mean that's like so many. That's the one you're introduced to. Misogyny as a child as I it's usually when someone just got their heart broke as guy or you got your heart broke. That's how you get introduced to Misogyny and then my premise I had last night which I was a little buzzed. Is this what Leeann Mike the Premise. She was like doing this whole time working on a bit okay. Let me say so. There's a certain age my daughter's age right now where there's no physical touching between me and them. I'm like maybe get like a side hug right like Lena with her shoulder. They don't want their boobs to touch me. Yeah you're good dad and so they're like side hug and if I I I ask for kisses but I don't know would never kiss me. Yeah would never kissed me and which is fine. I guess yes but I don't get a kiss on their cheek. I couldn't kiss anywhere on their face. I get a kiss on the top of their head and I'm like and then I said No. I wonder if the roots of Misogyny are natural in that when when women start to branch off from their dad by the way my daughter's will I'll lay on. My wife hugged my wife. Kiss my wife on the Cheek Mohan get so much affection from these girls and I get none and I wonder if the roots of misogyny are natural natural that when a woman starts to get estrogen nature pulls away from her father creating a distance between men and women lands like you're out of your fucking mind they love. You and I was like yeah but I don't get love the way you get loved by the way I was just kissing on. The lips like five years ago like give them a kiss on the lips when they were babies right now now and then one day. It's just not cool anymore. Yeah there's this long drawn between a daughter and her dad were. It's like it's like you can throw a Paul with her but I'm just as affectionate as my wife but I don't get it from my daughters my my drunken theory last night. I don't know no I mean. I don't remember when I stopped like I don't remember when I stopped kissing my dad. I'm like that was like a young thing but like my mom into I wasn't kissing my mom on the lips very old but also sister started kissing the lips when we had the little when we had them as babies we didn't kinsman the lips and my sister kissed my daughter. Georgia on the lips we were going to do is giving her kiss on the lips and she was like yeah. Where else are you gonNA kiss her. We've been kissing Zinger Cheek. He's like Oh my God don't be weird about that really swollen lips and so then we started kissing them on the lips. Shut it down ferry fun yeah very I was like no. You don't kiss me on the lips guy. I think it depends on the kid too 'cause like I have. I've always like been pretty effective with my dad like I've always hugged my dad a lot. My Dad's always hugged me a lot. lap not not too old not lake nick point not after. I got my period and I got my period at ten. Oh some period that's when yeah that's what my grandma told my. Dad because my dad thought he who's GonNa have boys and he when he had me is what he was. A girl in my GRANDPA was like boy till they're ten. Niagara is all you do. It's fine but I yeah I hugged. I'd like I didn't do like side tide hugs with my dad. I'd like full-on husband my dad all growing up so I don't know that I have the same experience but also my mom was dead and my step mom wasn't super maternal naturally so if I was Gonna get it from somewhere. I had to be my dad and my Dad's my dad's very sensitive. He's a very very affectionate and all that so I don't. I don't feel like that's that's what happened for me but I have. I have another sister who like even with me. She's like if you want to hug her. You would like permission to approach the bench. What parts of your back can I touch 'cause if you like touched a part of her back. She wants you to touch only. GonNa touch my backstage. I WanNa go under and you gotTa do this once. She decides when when it's over what what what what would happen I duNno I duNno. Does she know she's like regular human being now still in our but she's still kind of like. She's not as touchy feeling. She's a little more like yeah we can hug but if you go you kind of have to ask her like hey can. I have a hug so we did. She have a boyfriend yes. She does and he can touch her and stuff yeah. They're good because Islas like that. You cannot oh fuck. No you cannot just go win and try to get a hug from a you'll get kicked really issue very self sufficient no really looking useless. You've heard me she seems very independent endent from what you talk about independent and our own brain but she's not independent in life what she's a kid but I mean like is she like independently minded and kind of like I'm my own. I'm my own thing. I don't need anybody else. Oh yeah that's my sister is and she's got fully. We had a knockdown drag out fight last night yeah where so anyway long story but it was the thing with the yeah and tensions rose she yelled at me and I said you're not allowed to yell at me. Yeah a major think about it. I went and shot. Something's burning came back. I accepted my responsibility in the fight told her I was sorry. She basically said cool glad you sorry I feel like I messed up a little bit too all right and I go. I love you thank you know and then we had a fucking fight that if you see her on the exit you'll see the tension still yeah is that we could not get her to say. I love you to me. She's like and then and then what was she's like already. Set it work. You didn't say it. I'm not saying it again and I was like she goes trust me. I said it when we were just sitting here. You didn't fucking say I'm not saying it now more like it was almost like defiant. Yeah some I mean. My Dad is really hurt by my sister. They're like not hugging him not wanting him and I had to be like I'm her best friend and she won't let me like just go up and hug like well. How do you get through that because we're having a hard time getting through that. I kind of got to meet them where they're at like my my sister. I know but it's I don't fucking BOOT camp. I want senator if she's being like she like an asshole. That's one thing like she's. She's got to apologize for yelling at us but we all get. We all laugh. We all have a great any time together but you can't make her say I love you. You can make her be like you can be okay. You yelled at me and that's super disrespectful your dad come. I can't make her love you the affair. It's I know but it's kind of like making someone kiss on the lips. No it's not it is. I say I love you. You say it right back to that's how it works. I especially if you love me any funeral love it but if you fucking love me you say it right back to me. This is my fucking. We're getting the got into last night. This is my fucking house. I pay pay for everything the braces on your teeth. I fucking pay for you like that bed. I paid for that. I paid for everything when I say I love you. You look me in the eyes. I love you too debt. That's that's it for much fucking this. Is You sacrifice. I get that I would feel the same way as a parent. I think but with a kid you'd like that I think some kids are just really stubborn and they're just like no. I don't have to do that. I'm my own person and like I shouldn't be asked I I would have never said that to my dad. I would've never defied my dad like that. It would never far me like stares. Got Me Yeah. My Daddy's get so pissed on my sister. My sister didn't do anything wrong. She like really didn't at all but he felt like she wasn't quite shit. He he didn't know everything about her and he didn't know how she felt about him and like it made he would like get pissed her and she didn't even do anything and and unlike meanwhile others like sneaking out and stuff but he doesn't know about that because she's so charming and she'll give him hugs me like. Hey Dad five dollars like you know so. What do you want. You want. The Kid kid who like smoking crack but says I love you to your face or do you want the kid who's like look say I love you ready. I'm going to go to my room and read. Oh my you know is so ISLA. It's like an a very strong sense sense of self yeah. I just want to break her right but you can't own a breaker like a horse. That's a dead end because the morial trying to break the more she's going to the end said last. Despite the more you try to break her the harder her will get yeah. We we one time I know you've heard me probably tried to talk about this on stage age but one time we the girls and said we were sending on boarding school ever talk show the end and our buzzed we had been in a big party and the girls got into a fight. We'll see we were asked to leave. You don't know if we were asked to leave but we left. The party is to fight was so bad fight continued in the car. We get back to the house when they shared a room. Actually we were we were adding onto the house at the time and landlord living in the living room and the girls were living in one bedroom and we went in and Leeann said I don't know what to do with you to a few hate each other like this. I don't know what to do and they were just doug heels and they were. GonNa fucking fight to goes. Maybe we send you guys to boarding school and by the way I'm well aware we can't afford boarding school. I here the I I. I didn't call her bluff but I went okay. I know where this is going yeah. What do you think dad. We just send her to boarding school. Maybe learn to love each other and I was like maybe an immediately. Georgia's like hold on an Islas Islas literally like send me upstate motherfucker like I can see it in her eyes. I mean it was so island cared so little about the idea of going to boarding school and while George is melting down and I like get on the phone. Let me check see if the NFL billy's mom on my Clo Clo two girls for boarding school two girls boarding school yeah. Yeah let me let me hold on a second. Hey Leeann do want him to share a room or different rooms and she goes different rooms. Let them see each other passing in the hallway and I was like two different rooms. Please and by now Georgia's like crying Mom Dad. He's going to be a better. He's GonNa you better daughter and Ireland's like folding clothes going grab my suitcase. I'm ready to go. Send me upstate. I remember the look on her like it wasn't until all we told you had to shower every day that she fucking melted especially did finally meltdown. I mean I really actually feel really bad about this this this parenting because we told them that night okay you know what if you guys can learn to behave and love each other and work as a team than MOM and dad and I won't send you to boarding boarding schools and the next morning. Georgia came out and she's like Daddy. I'll be the best little girl you've ever seen just something to boarding school and I was like Oh my God baby so I was like it was a lie. We were just trying to break. It was like maybe we're not. We're redoing the fucking house. I'm building your Rome definite sending you to fucking boarding school right but man she Georgia cracked so quick and I was just like a man that I really that's me my sister. My sisters and I think that's why it freaks. Issue out because you like you don't know how to you. Don't know how to control a kid who doesn't care if you what you if they're not afraid of you. You're like I got nothing so scary to you. You're like okay so you're not afraid of me withholding love your not afraid of me. Send you away. I got nothing. It doesn't feel you respect me. So why would you do anything to say one time. Li I lose. We're at the Lake House and liens aunts were both alive at the time and they had paid for the furniture in the Lake House and Isla was wet and on in a bathing suit and jumping on the couch and and they said no isla you will not disrespect furniture and she's kept doing it and Liam went Isla Baby. You will not disrespect that furniture. Island must have been five six years old. She got off the couch. Look Lianne turnaround and spit on the cows and I was like Oh wow okay. That's another level level. I was like mutton none of my scissors like that. I was like mother fucker. There's only one other kid that I remember. There is a story. This happened when I was in first grade. uh-huh is one of my favorite personality based. Louis Fagan was a kid's name. Pat Fagan was my friend. Louis Louis Fagin was his younger brother. Louis was just mischievous like at a at a young age definetely finally mischievous by the way I shouldn't show that but I'll tell you later he went to pat school and and for lunch and pat was in like first grade anyway. There's a microphone the staging went up and grabbed the microphone and he started singing the microphone and one of the nuns came up grabbed him microphone from him smacked him in the hand and said you do not do not talk in this microphone so then he went up and he grabbed it and he grabbed the microphone again and then pretend to talk in the microphone and the nun came up smacked him on the hand. Put the microphone down on the ground on the on the stage age and says if you touch this microphone one more time. I'm going to smack you on your ass. She walked away and Louis Gallon of stage age crawled on his arms and stomach over to the laying Mike phone the stage put his head down on stage whereas the microphone goes sister and chief but I but I remember that fucking story so vividly of just defiance. I never had that I was very like I'm very much a rule follower. I don't understand that at all. Yeah I went part of like being a performer most performers. I feel like we're just people pleasers and you just want everyone a love. You summer. Just fucking like or fear is not a people pleaser right. Have you ever met Ari yeah. Yeah I know him. Well it all right. He's not he's not a people pleaser on things that people pleaser yeah. Do you think your comedy comes from people pleasing. I think that the reason I continue. Can you do it because the lifestyle sure doesn't agree with my personality. I think the the need to be liked. Beloved be impressive is probably the root of it and just yeah and just wanting wanting people to see like the best parts of you real real quick quick in a very controlled environment and I think early go. I'm really funny okay. I'll just be really funny at the highest level possible and that'll be how people like me and they can like me from over there and I don't have to sorts the goal. Do you want like the roads rough. Doing the road road is rough. Yeah theaters seem like they're not as rough justice fucking. Are they just as rough the way I do. You know what like theaters are. I mean I mean I I'll tell you. My last run was aggressive but you didn't have to do them. Any dates is the other thing now. You didn't hundred percents up to you though notes not it's. Why do you have to do them any dates. Because People WanNa see you you better make hay while the sun shines leads you okay so but that's you being afraid they're gonNA drive. He's GonNa which is fair. I get that catastrophe thinker. Yeah I drink sugar. There's still things we both think. Lens is going to dry up. What are people going to be done with us. When are we going to be the flavor of the week right so save enough money to where that's not as scary. Maybe that find go on another tour and you're like grabbing shows you like at all the shows you want at whatever you want and I totally get that. I'm dealing with that at my my level and I've had to take steps back and go oh. I have to cancel some stuff because if I don I'm going to self destruct so then what's the goal. Do you want to go into theaters twice twice a month to a Sitcom. Have Your own late night talk show. What was the goal. I mean we have a show that we're developing that. I would love to get made because it's it's very like personal and it's what I will. I don't want to just like make anything. I don't have like we had that. ABC deal that didn't go that. I was so so glad it didn't go because it was just like a multi Cam Sitcom which I would have done or done to learn what you gave me the best advice about it. I was like just not going to go and you're like yeah probably won't bouquets learn Orna Bunch and that's what I did and I just enjoyed the process but we're working on now is like something I do feel passionately about and I I feel like your friends. No No and yeah I'd love for that to work out I mean I think it's GonNa AB inflaming. The goal has always been like to be able to tour theaters and and travel with the support. I want and you know tour bus. I don't know I don't know great. I know I've been on Brian so great or no. No one's yours in fucking next level right yeah. I'm sure that's better than flying everywhere. Oh God but again. That's you now however far in the future but yeah the ultimate goal is like I'd love to just fill theaters and like make my own schedule and I really kind of feel like that. Where it's like yeah you could be on the road every weekend. If you WANNA and before I got the special I was like we gotta go down to like two weekends a month so that I can not now yet but then I like scheduled all the stuff and then I've been having like this health shed shit and it was like okay so if I don't I do actually have to. Maybe take a couple of things I I took like two weekends off where I was just like okay. We have to not do this and just run it in town or something really it's. It's so hard to do because I have all those same feelings of like okay. I have to make money now because it's all going to go away. I felt out that way. I've been I I started doing comedy fulltime like almost five years ago when I was twenty one and I. I just like this year felt like Oh. I'm a comedian now like it's not gonNA. I don't have to go back to school like finally as 'cause like next year's. It's like all booked out to and you okay yeah like up until up until the special comes out it's all booked out and then like from the special on is a bunch of the dates and read that they're like. We'll negotiate that after the special like that kind of thing and you're just like oh so like this idea that like all have a break then like that's never going to be a thing thing and just learning how to stand up for yourself and go. That's not going to be good for me. I don't want to do that because you're you're reps and it's their job to do. This is to go like this why it would be good for you to to do this and you've got to push back and go like this. Why can't and just just don't and I mean I do think I we have very very nice team. That is like yeah else comes first and if you're really like I can't do something they're like okay and there have been times that I was like yeah. I can push through. I can push through and Judy's amazing. I'm judy like look like a minute for the long haul like I'm here for your whole career not just for you to make money now like should i. Do you want me to cancer so you tell me if you want me to cancel something all canceled whatever you want and I'm like okay woman the Er right now and she's like yeah. No they'll figure now that your for Saturday Yeah 'cause I. I was taking new medication and and oppositions no. It's like really. I don't think it's heart palpitations. My psychiatrist things was giving me coronary spasms and I had very bad chest pain and and everyone's like maybe you're anxious and I was like no. I'm not because I'm taking all these pills because I was up to like ten of these pills a day. 'cause I was told I could take up to thirty and end. My chest hurts so bad and I'm just in there like I'm like they're doing tests. I'm not sure what to do could we. Maybe I don't know I'm still here shows into ours like I'm not sure and she's like Yell Call Them. I think they'll get it and I'm like okay like I don't like. They're injecting me with some pain killer. Maybe that'll help like I don't know like I just like it because I love you so much. I don't know you don't know how much I care about. You are really do and I want. I just went I want. I want you Peter Relaxing this because Judy says you're here for the long haul. You're here for the long haul to right and you're not going anywhere. This is this career this but if you feel like that can you imagine how I would feel like that because you feel like that and you really aren't going anywhere and I'm coming up to hopefully get to a place where I can guard. I can relax but if that never happens for any of us it's going to happen. You got to decide now I mean I think I'm a pretty good judge comedy. I can definitely say like Oh this. This guy's disguised girls going to go big. I can see that happening thought that about you since day one this day one you've consistently every time you've worked with me just murdered every time you've been putting pressure situations. You rose to the top. I'm telling you when I say this. You're in this long haul. I just want you to like I want it like kidnap. You take you to a beach you drunk and and just go and oh you like let you just go yeah. I mean it's it's. That's what I said when I when I tried weed for the first time I was like is this however announce feels. I'm like this is just like calm. Weeds probably the best thing for you. Honestly and I need to just like kind of except that. It's the best thing for you and in and do are you working out. was you have to are you eating healthy yeah I. How can I how how I mean like. I'm like fucking frustrated. I go you just need to be to be pro. You Need Lianne. You need fucking talk to Leeann joking yet because because the answer so good at going like like she'll say to me. Sometimes I'll say something and I'll be in my head and I'll have panic taxis. Just go. Oh you're out of integrity you like what should go. You're out of Integrity Lantis so fucking amazing. WE'RE GONNA go hang out in the house for a little bit. After this also want to talk to you about your our okay yeah please yeah but but lands the fucking best yeah. You know we'll do we're. We're trying to buy a new house. We're going to get a Gary v Bedroom and I'll put a bedroom in there so that when you feel like you need to build can come off the road. I won't be there. You come to our house. Yeah and you'd be like this older sister Kosice Georgia Nyla. You'll be comfortable hugging. Eilly you know how to ask for it and George will be like a really like the top. Where did you get and Leeann can make you breakfast and you can feel like you're fucking growl and my gosh that sounds amazing as fucking. Leeann Leeann my and I you know I think I think when if you find and what I found in the and when you find that partner that's just fucking down for you like I mean the ends just literally an amazing got so fucking lucky yeah you are selecting. I mean yeah. I think every comedian wants Cillian than golly got her pregnant special. When how long have we been going November. Oh Oh good one four Dash November. What your schedule look. I believe by five fifteen so I have some time okay yeah. I'm good was I saying November tenth tenth year at the Aladdin Theatre record specials yeah me Jim Jefferies Thompson Gura all awarding in Nevada. Yeah Oh my God. I hope the comedy Gods have comedy. God you take care of November. Yeah we've been busy. We're focusing on bureau and be here forever. Were you doing in Portland the Aladdin the Aladdin Nice five fifty. I didn't WANNA I didn't WanNa do it in a big one. No you want hey listen if view are fan of mine and you live in Portland November tenth go out and see her at the Aladdin. We'll put this the beginning of this. Go Out and support her. Give her a standing ovation. When she comes out on onstage. Give her a standing ovation when she leaves the say just no. They're not they don't want to take you will fucking love Taylor Taylor's literally one of the best comics working without a doubt. Your material is edgy when it needs to be cleaned when it needs to be an across the board you the I mean. You're that you'd blow job joke. I had a blends you the reason that especially like great job. Tacoma I remember looking you. We're in we're in Phoenix and I was like wait. Oh Yeah Yeah for real and you're like Oh. It's great joke and I was like I thought it was pretty low. Brow and you know it's really great joke. I'd keep it yeah. I don't think you were starting with it. That goes into special great yeah yeah done and so I mean I trust you impeccably when it comes to material ivy jo common run by you because of but mm-hmm and if there's any dates that you're off and you want to hop on and do run some material you know my tours wider never like if you're like ooh that's actually wouldn't in mind. Hop it up. I'm in town that weekend or whatever yeah open door policy you now. You know I love you. I mean there's very few people genuinely care about and and I wanNA WANNA see succeed. I WanNa see you blow up. I can't wait for it. Thank you and then we can come back here and I can tell you went home not handling it. Well no just kind of go a little bit yeah yeah. It would have been enough around. I've been around enough successful. People like you Brian who are like you. You see enough people who successful or like doing things the right way. Oh my Gosh I'll tell you so. Whitney Cummings was running her was doing her special in DC when I was at the DC Improv and she ran Dan like ten minutes on my shows the Thursday show and like ask the manager of she could first off the manage like is it cool if winning when he comes to do the whole fucking show like no she doesn't have to ascertain as she comes in and she's like thank you so much for letting me do a guest set like I was talking about like I'm nobody nobody like of course he'd be too. She does exactly ten minutes. She gives me a shout out her instagram. She sends flowers to my hotel room the next day he's baller. She's so I was like how do you even have time to be this good of a person. She is amazing yeah. I'm like I came out of going like I mean and I had asked her. I asked her for advice the other day and she's like yeah call me when you start meeting with people about such and such and by the way lean on Whitney yeah great asset. I've know that I know for a fact that I I value her friendship walks. I throw stuff away when I go him like got this project when I was like nervous and I st- I was like hey come talk to you about this and ran a buyer and you can see what brain works on. She has different many different hats in this business and you can watch it on a different hat and you can see in her eyes and she's like yeah. like okay like this. I'm going to go. I think you need to go forward with this. I think without a doubt out here's why and and I was like Oh my God I was like thank God I got you in my life goes and so lean on that yet to be that like smart and successful and I also like that kind and considerate and cool and just like I was like you know you could have just done this. Show like you could just run it and she's like she's like with the first time I ever headline somebody like me and it was horrible and like the fact that you even still think about that. You're so huge you could literally like. I would not have been mad at all. Oh sure thanks can. I do a spot like just yeah so when I see people like you know you'll you Brian. Winnie Conan is another one on his holy loves you that I you know what I have. I have great footage of of me and the girls and the and Conan talking about you backstage really. Oh my God I had. I'm sure it's on a computer. I gotta find that I gotTa give that to you. I have great footage of going. He brought you up. He's accused of work with Taylor and I went. Oh my God I absolutely love her and the ends like Oh my God she is so oh funny and and was like only guy. Didn't you the best and we just talked positive about you and video now. Oh It's great filling the whole time I getting into that. That's a really nice talking about your our our talk about what you're GonNa do to promote it. Yeah your dance video. Everyone's like freaking out over tickets matters to me. It's just I all I give a fuck about as people come and see me live. That's it. That's all it and if if meeting in a Speedo and dancing or me doing whatever the fuck it takes two to sell some tickets yeah. I'm fucking in yeah. I enjoy it. I don't have a problem with it. I am a silly fucking person. I don't need to be the coolest guy in the room. I'm not a bad ass who you are really cool and you are just fucking goofball you. Oh No. You're cool though I've heard you say you're like yeah. I'm cool like Kuma whole life yeah. I'm not concerned about being cool. I've always been cool my whole life you your your leg. Your your whole personality is like a sleepover like I think you should call your next hour. Hey you know what we should do. Oh my God you are your human sleepover. What would be awesome great that like that like excited anticipation but even like me. Who's terrified of doing fun on things? Hearing you would be great is like some menu goes what would be great. Oh that's fucking great. I love that sleepover. I'M GONNA have to call them. My my specialty in sleep. Yeah you are us into a room errands like let's let's break some hair and make some more and throw someone in the pool. I love throwing people in. It's one of my favorite things ever blocked punts throwing people in the pool if I saw you at a barbecue and I didn't I know anything about you. I'd be like I'm clear that guy you gotta. You've gotta hear Tom's Gurus story about the first time he had sex with a and it's a long story yeah. I gotta get you gotta introduce you to Tom. Tom Tom he he. He needs you on his podcast he he. I know I know Christina. She's awesome. I'M GONNA I'm GonNa see him tomorrow. I'M GONNA say there's two people Jim Jefferies in you that he needs on his podcast him his podcast is funny funny as shit with desert push and they just have people only show them fucking horrific videos that Tom thing fucking hilarious and you are perfect for that. You are North Africa inflow yeah and go like so on the road homage to party right the hulk right right right great all right well congratulations. Thank you thank. You brought anytime anytime really appreciate what you know that I'm meanest when I say this and I I absolutely adore you. I want the best things in life for you. Thank you talked in This episode is brought to you by the machine.

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# 390 - Taylor Tomlinson & ME

Bertcast's Podcast

2:36:04 hr | 5 months ago

# 390 - Taylor Tomlinson & ME

"Brand new podcast. We're on the world tour this week. Schenectady wilkes-barre Beacon Theater and Dar Constitution Hall in Washington DC. I have We just went to a rangers game. We went to a knicks game. We had an amazing time on thank everyone in Madison Square Garden for accommodating US and Now we're heading down to DC. I'M GONNA go hang out with my Buddy Elliot for the morning tomorrow and then head up to wilkes-barre to do some shows So I'm GonNa give You a light intro. There's some couple of Minerals. I appreciate everyone. Oh by the way tickets went on sale for me and Tommy Guerrero At the Wilburn April twenty eighth they are on sale. I always say this if you want you can. I know people think it's a it's a scam but I have a phone number three two three two zero eight zero eight four four that I only used to text you when tickets are available. I I WANNA I do it for my tours. I do when we add shows and I do for special things like this. Live to bears one cave Also Secret Time. I have a very big show putting the other for Saint Patrick's Day in La And I will probably only be using this this phone number to release it because it just is so effective and I'll give you. I can text you a link and that's all the tax you're GonNa get from me if you use. That phone number is just texted tickets. Let you know my special K is coming out that you know on my netflix series is coming out and and that's it and maybe on happy birthday so you you don't have to use that number but you can. It's a lot more effective than instagram. three two three two zero eight zero eight four four. I just posted Tom's number. He just texted to me. It's all my instagram stories but Yeah so and like I said big events about his day I can't announce it yet because we can't put tickets on sale until a week out so weak out I'll announce it but But yeah that's that. Today's podcast is with Tele- Thomas and if you don't know Taylor toured with me for the entire year leading up to secret time. She was She's younger than I am. She has more attractive than I am. And she is also funnier than she is hilarious. She helped me Work that our and I talked through that our with her more than probably I've ever done with anyone so she is so valuable to me. I feel like she's a little sister and You know we a podcast. Last time she was talking about going through a breakup and her boyfriend was kind of a shit and And now she's with a new boyfriend. We talk about that. We talked about her Netflix. Special quarter life crisis which is currently streaming now and blowing the fuck up so go to netflixing checkout quarter life crisis and And Yeah that's our last. Podcast hung out my kitchen for like an hour and a half million and Taylor and just talked just talked. It was awesome. It was great great great and We talk about that talk about that talk so enjoy. Today's podcast. I will see on the road. Ladies and gentlemen her Netflix special quarter life crisis is currently streaming on net flicks. Go check it out. Today's podcast my little sister. Taylor Tomlinson is you went to sample together. Really Dog Rowlett. Y'All on-ice yeah. I talked to him before I was like. Do you know what I'm saying? He's I've talked about you on so much. It was like he just dropped his special on Youtube. Fucking comedy central. Hit it out of the park with that one. Yeah well and they you know he's posted about this but like they Did he shot it himself and then they bought it afterward. But that's the best case scenario. Yeah he shot himself he they bought it they aired it and now they're putting it on. Youtube and I think it had had five hundred thousand views in a day from what I saw. Yeah it's up to it's up past that now. Yeah the First Week. I think it's I haven't checked today but we are checking in like texting. A lot of people were like do under McKay sam-ro you got this fucking vision. I've got five fifty one. My visions just gone shit. Do you really. Oh my God like I I i. There are times where I am just full on blind with reading like I can't thing. Oh Yeah ooh Oh yeah I got a joke about it to here yeah My wife got me glasses and she because she was like. You couldn't see I tweeted. This is I'm diverging from the joke. But it's what I love about. My wife is that she does stuff like that. Like she said to me I have a problem with one of my back teeth. And she goes one in Tampa. Do you WanNa get that fixed and I was like. Oh yeah as I've just been avoiding cold things like I literally said to her. I said I wonder if I can just a wonderful. Just die before it gets really bad. She was like. Are You fucking serious? What's of my head? I just go like what am I going to get it fixed? I give her looking like like. My parents bought a new. How I am all over the fucking map today. My parents bought a new house and I was like in the seventy s and I was like why am I does like what do you mean like 'cause? I can't have anything nice now because I'm GonNa die soon those like well no. It just seems like a lot. I mean what he's still got like twenty years twenty but yeah but he's still my dad. My Dad's set things up for like he would say things that may made you look at life differently like you go. I got my last car. Oh so he's a little morbid. Yeah I'm but I'm more anyway. My sunglasses yeah sorry really all over the fucking maps have my meeting talking about you. A love the beginning of your special. How do you know I do thank you know I do I do not I mean I love cut to the fucking chasing? Get me in it. I want to be in it so quick. Thought about you saying that when I was like all right how am I gonNA. You were there with me when I was doing time and I was so obsessed with it because so many people would lose me. People I love would lose me in like a like a a sketch or by love. The lighting of you backstage taking a sip of water. You Look Beautiful. The music's great. How much did you pay for that dog? Yeah thousand now. Let's cheaper. Yeah you know the artist. Yeah I know somebody who's in the band Deal with them directly but and they've been on TV shows and so the band's beginners or beginners the name of the beginners is. The of the band does just what you just got your money back right. Now he goes. I'm telling you it's a cool fucking song. It's a really cool song It's called making love to the dead and I think even that's been on some shows they were on They've been on like Riverdale a couple times like they've they've boring like new balance commercial. Riverdale is the Archie and JUG head. Yes yeah it's like teen show. They made the archie comics. That's so crazy when I hear about stuff like that and I go of course. It's hugely popular Luke. Perry was on it. Yes yes Terry's family lives lived Up until I guess when he passed I think things may be changed for them. I'm not certain. Yeah but He they he. They live right down on the corner right down the block from allow his sons gorgeous. I believe it. Have you ever seen him now? So pro wrestler. He is fucking ripped long hair. I mean this kid was He I would do a double take on him. I saw side gorgeous. Almost bought their house. Allow yeah we were looking for a podcast radio and we were like maybe we'll just by that house and they have the podcast studio down the street yesterday in this house moments did it. Well when are you going to buy a house? I don't know that's I do think about stuff like that. I think about stuff like that. My thing is like I'd have to know I was Gonna stay somewhere for a long time and I think I'm still too young to feel that way. Which is like so fun. It's so funny I listened. I kind of like scrolled through my last episode. I do with you over the summer to make sure I didn't like talk about any of the same stuff I'm doing homework done that for anything. Fucking nine stories. I don't WanNa tell the same things over because I did do it like six months ago. W we're in a very different place than today. I mean then you were like a little lost. Oh my God so loss I well I. My life is so different now and a big doing that day afterward. I talked to you in Lianne for like an hour and a half and that was a huge turning point for me I think I broke up with my ex fiance like a like absolutely definitively that weekend after this podcast because I was like so awesome. I did not not a fan. Yeah I know another talk to you guys like what are you doing and I remember. I don't know if you remember saying this to me. But we're sitting or sitting in your kitchen and you go you go to you. You're going to have a netflix special. Your Life's going to be so different. Your heater meet all these people. You're like what if what if you buy a house by the beach and you're just outside in your yard one day and you see this beautiful surfer dude. Come out of your neighbor's house and he goes. Hey and you're like I've always wanted to learn to surf. And he is. And then you fall in love and that's only got like I walked out going like I. I can fall again like I picked someone in it has to be them and It's so funny. I told I told SAM that story like a couple of months and dating. And he's like he's like I know I really like you cause I'm jealous of that surfer guy that I was like no. You're the surfer guy. Like I hadn't thought about it that way I'd been like so I was in like couples therapy like I was trying to make something that should not have worked You got out of all my gosh and I I was just like trying to force it and once I talked to you guys I was like it felt like it just opened up like all this like opportunity. I felt like I had potential again. It was so and I mean you're just like that is a person I feel like you make you make a lot of people feel that way like every time. I watch your instagram stories. You're like the one person I really like watching their instagram stories. Because every time I watch it. You're always doing something fun. You always look like you're having a great time and it always makes me go. I should be living my life like we all. It's like every video you posted. Sahni like it doesn't matter where you are. There's always son and your window on the Ice Bucket and looks great like Oh we can do it if you could promote literally anything and make it look really fun. I I'll tell what not that Not to disqualify that. I'll tell you there is something about me that leans leans towards that so when I whenever I went scuba diving I would immediately have a panic attack every time every time. I've gone scuba diving every single fucking dime which. I've never once concert I've been I've never once gone scuba diving and it been beautiful weather. I've never once gone scuba diving where you're like. Yeah this seems like a good idea. It's either fucking small. Swap SMALL-C craft advisory a thunderstorm in a steamboat. We were in a thunderstorm. In a steel boat where I was like fuck me in the water and get underwater. So don't get struck by lightning. I mean I've never been a rush. Quit the wells here now. It's never been like a yeah. It's a yeah it's twenty feet visibility. Let's go check out this wreath. Oh my God. He's always been terrifying. And so one of the ways that I've gotten through anxiety is to talk to the camera like when I talked to the camera and my anxiety goes way. I don't know why so I don't. I would every time I went scuba diving. I would play to the camera real hard. Yeah and it would make me forget about it. What I've noticed is going to sound like such fucking phony sociopathic or shit. But when I noticed that when I feel down if I do an instagram immediately my energy picks up and by the way I don't like this morning I woke up this morning I drank way too much yesterday. like we went to this. Britney Spears thing Oh yeah then we went to the Grove and it was beautiful. I'm fucking beautiful. Great weather with with our best friends. The kids are there. Were eating French food. I have a couple of glasses Rosa. It's like who doesn't WanNa glass rose in the afternoon at the Grove fucking great and then we go over the hill. We have We get another my buddy hits me up paying each over pats for cocktail. We go pats. I run into a tone bell more. Dorsey. I will have a cop cocktails with them. Were catching up. Omar is going to be a New Orleans when I'm on in New Orleans And so he's like our Party and I was like fuck air come home. Open a bottle of wine start making pasta. Kill one bottle of wine. Open another bottle. I mean I drank aggressively yesterday and not even realizing I'm doing it. Yeah we'll up this morning Not Feeling good go and get in the Sauna and then we're just go come on out of this I don. I didn't even post it. I didn't even post it but I go Presale starts right now from Atlantic City dates June July. Eighteenth there's two shows use the Promo Code Rudy boy and then I went out feel better now in a weird way talking to camera gets me out of my head gets me out of my way. It's interesting because I was GONNA say maybe it makes you feel that way because you know people are GonNa Watch it and then you're like focused on performing but you said you didn't even post it which posted you're saying. I didn't even post it because I was like. It's so crazy I've always I've dealt with things pretty of the UC. What happened with that? Jake Paul I saw that briefly. What did he said something about? Anxiety said basically nutshell. I think Paul's brother Logan Paul by the way a kind of -em fascinated by both the brothers. I mean fascinating ZA gentle word. I am fascinated I am. They're like pretty good boxers by the way I know what I'm saying. People ARE LOSING THEIR MIND. Like burt fucking seriously. But like the really interesting guys when you see when you see that what they've done with their lives the they're fucking Tim. Dillon said he could run for president. Like yeah and he'd win. Yeah he that's all he's doing on. Youtube is getting people to become fans as and he doesn't really know fence either. The Paul's or any of these guys. They don't really have a talent like theoretically your talent would be filmmaking. Yeah but like some of these blogs like I checked out one about this Pro Skier who Who TRAVELS IN YACHTS And it's Hor Shit. Yeah it's such worship. Yeah by watch ten episodes. Yeah you're just an Internet personality. People just want to hang out with you. That's your talent. People want to hang out with you by the way. I think I lean into that a little bit Because I go. You're also talented and funny like you also have a skill and someone said someone said in a comment the other day I'm GonNa Insane is that. I don't think you've gotten the scrutiny yet. Like I think you're about to with this special scrutiny that once people discover you. That aren't fanciers. That's when you start it starts back to discover and they but they didn't discover you based on them being fans they discovered you for some other reason right Joe List did a a show shirtless other day. I think it was the impact with everything now. Fine Karaoke and but he was like it was surely so much bill tag me like Joe. Joe's gotTA shirt off and I was like. Oh cool so I read his comments? You know like trying to figure out what it is because he was like some in some guy goes. Oh Wow this is like Bert Kreischer. If he wrote jokes and I went and immediately I just went into a fucking spiral. Oh my God I think about myself I go am I just some super untalented great promoter. Because that's your that's your biggest insecurity. It's so funny that here's this is a slightly different example but like because I started so clean and like my family won't like my stuff now. I'm insecure about that. But most of the time. I'm like peace with it. I'm good but like Joe Joe also is on. Your team also drew list Nuno Joe NBA. Joe Came to watch my new our In Burbank the other night and said very nice things and was great and then after it was like did you watch the trailer for the special. And he's like yeah. It is great I was like what did you think and he goes. I mean it's very sexual. I'm like yes like one joke. I mean I had to pick one and like he's like no it's Great. He's like it's perfect. You agree I was but why would you say that like it's just thing? He said he wasn't even criticizing. He was just like it's it's it's a sex joke like it's a sexual its first actual and immediately. I felt all like dormant Christian guilt. Wash over me like dirty sex comic and I didn't know enough and by the way all the clips that net flicks initially sent to me as like Promo were like. It's like. They went through and found every joke that I was talking about sex or said Dicken and just will the conflict those all out. I think they know that that immediately cells which totally get. But I'm like we have. We can pull like ten minutes of material from the special to promote. I was like and I went through and I picked my own and some of those state in there but also I was like okay. Here's a joke about dating. Here's a sex joke that I'm proud of and here's some bits. That will also go well for older people you know. Here's like some range so it's not just me talking about like you just clipped all of my sex jokes out of it. Would you try out to like twelve minutes and that's fine but I'm like it's not representative of the whole special. Oh it's I had a guy review my our. That's going on that that I recorded for I didn't I I. I glanced over his review but it was he so missed. The point of like of like who I am that I was like that. I really got self conscious AM I. Misrepresenting Myself I've been. I've done that a lot where you say something. You don't even realize what you're saying interesting like what what's an example for you. Are the dog at a dog at a joke about. Never glasses joke I've had a joke about My I still may try to figure this out as a bit. I never really did it. But when you fall in love when you go out on a date going on a date. Dating is so archaic and it doesn't work that's not what a relationship looks like very seldomly. Do you go out to the movies or go out to eat. That's once in a blue moon when you're married okay. What you should do is you should Go out the analogy was going by car. Putting your digging the gas tank goes it fits. I'll take it and you're like no that's not what using this thing for you. We should and this is by the way everyone's GonNa. I thought this was a funny joke. This did not go over well but I did not know it wasn't going over. Well yeah I literally thought it was killing. I said what you should do is you should go out. And as a team adopt an animal adopt a dog. One of the dogs are just about to put down. Go in and you guys should adopt that dog. Then drive out thirty miles outside of the city. Kill it together. Bury it and then if you can have a casual conversation driving back in the city then you should start dating. All anyone who heard was. I was suggesting you have murdered all yeah. That's so funny and I know why it doesn't wear what I mean what. I was what I was hearing was used something fucked w and through something traumatic and you can snap back into being fine. You know what I was hearing was like I was hearing the. Oh Fuck Rodney. Audience thinking they were going out like in a good way of those. That's especially like when I was younger. I would definitely do that. Put the tap into your so. I didn't know if I was misrepresenting. My so what did he say in the review? That Bert Kreischer just proves that he is a mouth breathing. Bro What's like with his. He he admits to being racist which by the way not not one point in anywhere in the show to did I. Do I ever admit to something. I'm not one number one right like I I would I would never like. He was misreading so many jokes. Did you have a joke about race? Have a joke. I've maybe the best joke of I one of my job. I'm proud as ever that I've ever been part of you is About an interaction with the starbucks. Barista have you heard that? Oh it's it's like I'm so proud of this joke. I cannot wait to see and so part of the joke I I. I my one goal in putting putting my special together was to get to that joke as quickly as possible. Wow is like I wanted to open with it but you can't. It's just too much too much too soon. They gotta gotTa shake them. You gotTa Yeah Yeah. I needed a few jabs and then get into that joke and I think I did it. Fairly well But yes my favorite joke and it deals with race but it deals more with the irony of people getting offended When they don't have the information yeah but people get offended for now so quickly. It's such a knee jerk reaction to just get offended when you don't have all the information like sounds like that's what the reviewer did exactly and by the way he kinda proved my point so I felt better about it than it was like every he just took almost didn't listen like he just took the highlights of buzzwords. This is why for Chrysler is the reason why we should have stricter gun controls and I was like what I was like. Hey fuck face if you listen to my job. That's kind of the point of it like you're you're making. He'd really doesn't like you. Will you know I'm really fascinated? He just thinks he would have bullied him in high school. There is a lot of it is. There's a lot of that I'm going to be wrong about what I'm about. Say Okay but comedy has gotten so big that we now have people that. Make a living commenting on comedy like they. Maybe we'll have like a an internet shop. I mean there's guys who have youtube channels where they watch people specials that's all they do is watch specials and laughs and they got my friends from science lab. They they do more than that but on some they'll just watch comedy and it'll yeah and it's and they can monetize it. They make a living doing watching watching comedy. And there's guys that critics of comedy. Obviously they're all over New York. Sam knows all of them right but the they make money. Some would argue. That is bad for comedy. I think is great for comedy. I think it's identical to what's happening for pro sports forever. People who didn't play the game or wanted to play the game or loved the game so much Stephen a Smith. I don't think he's I don't think he's an athlete per se. I'm as I watched him box. He's not the best boxer in the world. Yeah but he critiques athletes and I think it just is better. It's good for the comedy you'll get it. You'll get an guarantee you when this special comes out. I think it's going to be huge but I think what's GonNa what's would be interesting as that 'cause I can't I could have never seen in my life known as long as I've known you and he won't be critical of your comedy like really point out a flaw a love your comedy. Oh that's so nice and it and it crosses over. It does what comedy is intended to do. And that is bridge gaps. Where my guys that come to see my show Laugh hysterically at you and yet I don't think that is the intended demographic but they laugh hysterically at you and the people who you're comedies meant for. They laugh hysterically to to bring those together as fucking. That's what the art forms four thank you. I mean that means a lot. Yeah I I don't know I have people saying stuff I mean. This will probably come out after it's out this will drop. Your special is already out right now. Right okay quarter life crisis go watch title by the way thank you. I was so glad they let me. That's the one I wanted from the beginning. As soon as I got it I was like this is what I want to call it and they were prices. I love it I I sold a show to CBS. When I was young called preemptive midlife crisis I'll really 'cause my dad a midlife crisis when he was like. And Maybe Fifty. I think maybe four in his Forties Chiro. Mom lefter left and I was at college and the premise was. I was like I'm not gonNA. I'm not gonNA wait until I have everything and then have my midlife crisis. I'm then I'm going to have it now when I have nothing so I quit my job. My job and I moved to L. A. And I was like I'm having my preemptive midlife crisis premise of the love. That idea like I'm going to get it out of my system. I don't destroy my life. Why would I wanNA have my whole family? I should have been wondering if I'm having a midlife crisis now. Okay I think you have too much fun all the time to have a mid life crisis I feel like people have mid life crisis when they get bored. And like yeah. That's what I think it is. I think they get bored and they go. What am I doing? Who Am I? This isn't what I wanted. And you're like everything you've ever wanted to be in you have fun constantly view. Midlife crisis your greedy. Like you can't have everything you know. It's I feel that But what I was saying with the QUARTERBACK RATIOS. Are you saying critiquing it? People could G. Oh Okay Yeah. This is another example of someone saying something like this morning I did two interviews and the first one's great I watched it was fantastic and then like the second guy was a little bit more like just going through the questions and at one point. He said I know you started in churches. what does your family think about your comedy now. Because I watched the special and it's definitely not something you'd see a church and that felt like it was it was just a question and it's true it's not something you'd see in a church but it to me. I took it in as like. It's not something you could do a turn on doing once. A church comedy on Net flicks. No I mean I. It's great there's One lady that does it does churches in the south in Atlanta. I don't know her name appears. Sean Pierce probably fucking hilarious Jr. She's hilarious blonde. Yeah Yeah I don't know I. I don't think I've ever watched Shana Pierce. I'll be honest I I did because my my wife's family loves her really. Oh I don't WANNA DO COMEDY THAT. My Wife's family's loving yet. That's and that's what I talked to. I think the first guy this morning About one of these guys who is with some some news thing that net flicks setup. I forget what it was and then it was just laugh. Button which Talked to a Guy. I've talked to before and he was like asking about the parents stuff and what they thought and I was like honestly dude like my parents watch a GT in the bachelor and they go to work and they go out to dinner and they walk the dog like they. They would not watch my comedy if I weren't their daughter like I'm not their taste and I used to take that really personally and be like. Why don't you think I'm bad? And it's like no. They wouldn't watch this if wouldn't be there thing and that's okay and I don't have to feel bad about it and I've I've told my parents like you do not need to watch this and I think they probably still will just out of curiosity But I've told them Multiple Times especially my dad. I'm just like you don't need to watch like there's no reason to it doesn't hurt my feelings and You probably don't want to. Who wants to watch their daughter. Do Sex jokes on a major platform. Like I talk to him the other day and he made a comment like as people keep reminding us. Let it coming out and I'm like that's a great promo video watching Party or special with your dad. I I can't now. He's also gets really excited like a really exciting. You know but I'm also you don't need to watch it and he's like okay. Shoot it. I would shoot. Shoot you and your dad computer in front of you camera shooting over the computer and you go. Hey Guys Tiller Thomasson my special quarter life crisis is streaming right now on that flex and I thought I share a little bit of it with my dad and do one of your intros were so I was having sex. Judges GETS UP. And goes okay. I'm out walking away go. It's not for everyone. I I'll hire someone to play my dad because he would never use. This is my dad does great yeah so. I think he'll watch it because I did. Tell him like yeah. These are the jokes that are going to be in it about you. Basically I did. I told him before I filmed it and he was like. I really appreciate you running it by me and I was like yeah. Of course you're supposed to do that. I mean any daughters really donald suck. No I take that back on me rephrase that. Seger time and the machine. I did not do that at all. You didn't run a pass. We'll they were too young. But this one you did this one I would soft pitch them. Joe also all over your instagram. Like it's not like people don't know who your kids are used their names like all that stuff and so Yeah I I kinda like Period Party. I had to run by. Alex was super right. It was super connected to like you know like it's her story and an A. And then now it's like the drop the ball with humor. I haven't been funding awhile. I got your daughters. Yeah like what the phone we being the only thing I guess. Apparently I don't remember. It was very been drinking a lot lately. I this this last week so I was at off so I haven't been on the road and so we just been tea party in like our friends. Apparently I got drunk one night at I and I must have great out at some point. 'cause I do remember bits and pieces of the night or a friend's house and Leeann woke up and she said. Do you remember yelling? Oh Yeah well this dad Bob Fucker. Mom they call you a dad. I guess they I guess they were like. Oh look at his dad knows like hey guys. I work out and they're like you know we're Gal I go. I do work out and you got a dad. Baden they're walking away and they're like I go stop in there just going Dad. Bod Dad like overtop me and I guess I guess it's I guess I had come the end of my rope with that critique and I was like Oh yeah well this dad bod`ed fucks your mom. I didn't even think that's bad. And so then Oh and then I got and then I got apparently very heated I believe in luck I'm I'm real subscribing. Lock right yeah and I've always will tell everyone. I'm luckiest man you'll ever meet. I am the luckiest man and our friends. Were fucking with me saying that. Leeann is luckier than I am. I was not having it and I guess apparently at the end of the night I got in the cardinals like up just about had it with those two. What's was like? They need to acknowledge my luck. Like even when I'm even when I'm ativan drunk it is so ridiculous that you can't like I woke up the next morning and they were laughing hysterically. I got we went we. That was Sunday night Saturday suit yesterday. We went to the Britney Spears experience and our friends there. And they're like Hey His Dad bonds. Still Fuck your mom go. Yeah sorry I forgot about that. Yeah my kids have been dropping the ball fucking funny lately. Maybe they just don't think you're funny right now. Because they're teenagers at all. I bet they still laugh at stuff. I bet it's not just humor like they. They they haven't been funny in a while. Maybe they just don't subscribe to your particular brand of humor. And when did you stop kissing your dad like on the mouth or at all? I don't ever remember kissing my dad on the mouse so I was pretty young. I stopped Orga would kiss on the mouth up until like I WANNA say like ninth grade. Now kidding no She stopped Isla. Stopped immediately you never on the lips. It was never her. First words were just like no Marquez is so against any sort of we talked about this summer. You're saying she didn't want to be hugged. And I said my one of my sisters is like that and to not take it personally and but last night I said to them I said you know. I think I'm done. I'll give him kisses on the forehead before they go to school focuses its my ocd. Yeah you have to focus on him for his. As I know they'll be safe. Yes I wake up every morning to make sure I give them focused before they walk out the door. That doesn't sound crazy at all to me. Okay but that's probably not against I. I'm just similarly broken forgiveness. See if you can get it done enforces. That's great. Stop your click the mixture of the windows up in your car fifteen times all right so I said last night it's been like they both are annoyed by like they're both annoyed by it so I go slice and I go. Hey just so you know I'm done with kisses. And they're like what I said I can be done with it like I. Just gotTa know that. I'll never do it again. And then and then I can't do it. Sporadically because they radically see. Yeah I gotTa do it right. GotTa not to it at all. And then. They're like they're like they were looking at my wife's like how broken is this and my wife's like and they're like well we we still want kisses and I went. I think it bothers. You guys know like it doesn't bother us dad just you know. Sometimes we walk out the door and here you go wait hold on and then we have to walk all the way back in and I said well I told him I I do it because it fucks my head if I don't yeah all day I'm fucking broken. Also I love you and I do it because it fucks with my head if I don't care about us. Oh yeah that's for sure. Do you love me I love you. Yeah sure yeah yeah. Yeah Yeah it's mostly my shit though. That's mostly what it was so funny last night. 'cause I I was in a little bit of a Pissy mood about. We got no big Argument last night me and the girls mean Georgia me and the girls An island does this thing where she made her play a lot like or she'll be like if you have a drink to like and you go Rhino Shield. Like it's almost like she's she does it like she'll play with you. There is to like connect. Yeah and I was like I said the whole thing about kisses. And they're like laying on the couch and they're like no we're fine. Give me kisses I go. I feel like you're not in the league. Now is just the way you do. It is like it's like we're walkout throwing but and they're like no we still want to kiss okay and so then either goes he Little and she can tell us in a bad mood what island. She's like little and then she looked at me like oh it was crazy. She looked at me. Like Oh. You're not gonNA play with me right now like this is our game we do. Yeah she did. These is like don't do this and I went. Oh I know what you want. And she went there. We Go Z. Got Me back in whatever falls in love with that child. Whatever seem I don't know what it is going to be. It's going to be a girl or a boy or whatever whatever whoever whoever why said. I don't know why so. Whatever talking horrible fucking Goat. No whoever falls in love with that child is going to have the funnest ride of their life. Yeah that kid is so fucking goofy. I just so we what how did tell me more about you and Sam. I'm curious to know like how did you guys meet? The joystick was cute. Like where did you see him? Yes so I hadn't I hadn't met him in person until like I think when I did your podcast. I wish I should have gone back and looked at the exact day. I did your podcast because I might have done your podcast like the day before I kind of met him. Were Yeah I. He sent me messages after like my late night sets like until you really funny fucking hilarious about this. Is that the one thing that you guys connect on regardless of anything like an if this did not work. If this one thing wasn't there you guys wouldn't have anything the other the one thing. Is You guys both respect. Good comedy yeah like you both very very than I am not not at all Trying to undersell this at all but you guys are very very talented comedian. If not two of the best like to the top in your game in my opinion that's UNC. You you know I've always thought about you. Obviously a I've shared that with you a million dollars but SAM is is one of the top five joke writers. He's saying that in the business I mean without a doubt and I say that knowing full well that like David tells in that group. I mean. He's just amazing. And I'm I've known him for a while. Yeah but I've never dated anybody. stelter who is dated anyone who was good at anything No I I've never dated like someone who was just better than me at comedy and it's I think it's probably good for me. It's like Oh and I know what you're saying is Sam is so good given donate like almost fifteen. Yeah yeah interesting never dated someone. So so how does that work like? When you guys are laying in bed or you guys are eaten lunch and say Say lady walks by with a with a dog and we go dibs you guys. Are you guys laughing a lot? Yeah Oh my God so much. It's like CR- like that's the other thing is like I dated a comic A while back and it was like very toxic and then I dated my ex-fiancee right after it and I think I was like there were a lot of things missing in that relationship but I felt like I felt like it was what I needed. I need stability. I need someone stable an like normal and whatever and I was just like yeah. I don't I have comedian friends like I don't need to be like laughing hysterically all the time or whatever and so now dating we'd laugh all the time like we have so much fun together. It's I can't imagine I know how much I love around him. I know lap around. You are just ago. What would that be like? I mean he honestly like I. I think he's such a good comedian. I think he's so funny on stage. I think he's like a thousand times. Funnier offstage. I think he's somehow even better like I had so back to your original question. I I knew him. I didn't I had never met him before. But he had sent me messages. After my fallon set and my Conan set this last year that we're like hey really great and all that and I thought that was very nice the thing about Sam nut to derail these countries continually but salmon's on a dog so like he sends you that as a comic to another calm right. Yeah he's okay. Great Set I. I search out. Great Comex found. You just want to let you know I love that dot and it's all technical. It's all fucking works so crazy. Yeah totally nothing weird about it at all and then I. I saw him very briefly in New York like in July and it was just he just said like great set or something and I only remember it because I he was like up after man. I was just like Oh man. I hope that guy's not here because he already thinks I'm funny. I just want him to know. I think I'm funny. I don't WanNa bomb here ever go away. Do you think I hope it does now for you? Then probably Jerry Seinfeld the other night. Please leave the fucking room. I but I'd rather watch you then Jerry Seinfeld like that's just personal though the team. I mean we took a poll. Nobody I just didn't like it so it's times like that. We're getting embarrassed of WHO? I am where I go. Oh Burt don't take your shirt off. Then I'm like this is who I am. Yeah I hate that WHO I am can immediately deter a comically Jerry Seinfeld. Who just because what the fall. I see what you could just be. You might just be putting that out showroom. Yeah like I'm sure if you talk to Seinfeld he wouldn't be like yeah. I thought it was bullshit. You know like I bet he would but maybe you actually bet he would or maybe he would leave regardless you know I was like I news of Sebastian Sebastian. I don't think Sebastian is going to stick around and watch anything I do right I. I just think this semester is going to go home. He's not he's not going to sit there and drink gonNA party. And he's with Jerry Seinfeld. They're going to go out and talk about cars or something right or like so. It was like at least that'll make me feel better. Yeah An and if he's digital man specimen probably defend me a tad bit. It'd be late. He's actually pretty comic. Yeah if he sat and watched keep going to hope so so. That's like the only contact I've ever had with them. Like he just said great said if the seller and then I left and ducks. That's what I do. And then in August. He was here Doing a show at dynasty and he just messaged me like I don't know where it was like. Hey I'm sure you're really busy but You know I just want someone funny to open the show. And he's like if you can't. It's totally fine. But you know if you. WanNa come like twenty minutes for Nelson. Yeah for sure and Luckily it was late enough that I could do it after my other spots And so I met him there and talk to him for like five minutes before the show and was just like. Oh this guy is like so different than what I thought he was like. As far as like 'cause I'd seen him on stage so I thought he was kind of like standoffish is wasting on. Because he's got like a very cool energy onstage which I don't relate to it all I'm not cool at all on stage. So I just thought he'd be different and he was just like very warm and nice and cool and I was like okay. Cool and Yeah I thought I always now. I thought he was cute but I was never like. Oh I would date that dude like because all I knew about him was that he was a really good comic and that he was a big drinker and I was just like I can't do that like I just. I would never date anybody who drank a lot. 'cause I just can't for me But Yeah so. I met him at that and send them a message after everyone's like. Hey thanks for having me like I had an early flight so I just laughed. I did my set and I laughed and dealer. I know why didn't early flight and Oblivious I had an early fake and he was like. Yeah for sure thanks for doing it. Like sent me his numbers. Like let me know if you're in New York some time and then I texted him my number and then he was at comedy on state for the first time that weekend. No I was at comedy on state for the first time that we and he was at comedy works in Denver for the first time that we are truly the best clubs in the country so I texted him like. Hey how is it and we just started talking like overtaxed just as like friends for you know. I don't know I guess like a month. We were doing that or something and then Then I only met. I met him like a couple of weeks before my like break up and then a few weeks I was. So after that breakable like I am not. I don't want to care about anybody for a really long time because when we started when we started talking and it was kind of like oof. There might be something going on here. I was very much like I told him I was like. I really like you like as a person and I. I would like to have you in my life for a long time. Am I GONNA date? That will probably ruin that as a cynical that'll ruin it he's like why can't be your friend now and I was like all right. Well I guess like you know as a trap Maybe we should just be your friend. Okay well then. I guess we're doing this and there are so many reasons I didn't want because it was like the distance the comedy thing. I- Leeann hadn't loved me back. I'd be like well I'm done with you in my life. Yeah I can just watch you enjoy your life. I'm in love with and that's not going to be. That is such a funny fucking premise. That there is like There I have no interest in the and being happy with. It's not with me. Yeah he's like you and he's like you wouldn't like that either. It's like you would not want to hear about me dating other women and I was like I think I could get to a point where I was okay. Event like yeah because it was before we were like in La like it was early. This was early on off the most Jealous Ghost. I'm I'M I go. She was like she was like. I start giggling bed with someone. I believe you died. You don't want her to get remarried. If you say boo yes. That's that's the odd thing. Yeah Oh they go boo boo. I mean I've never seen one. But that's what people say that they say. Yes so we I was very like I mean he really. He had to like kind of almost talk me into it for a little bit because I was just like I was. I was a nightmare to get to that point because I just like given an engagement ring back. And he's just like he's like. I'm a little worried Marie bound. I'm like you're absolutely not I'm trying not to do. I don't want to do that at all but We also like we we're taxing for like a few weeks or whatever and then like there was a night. We talked on the phone for seven hours from like midnight to seven a. m. and after that it was like all right. Well there are a few days after that that I didn't talk to him that much and then the next time we talk on the phone was like five hours while I was driving somewhere and like at that point. We were like okay. We should probably address this and his thinking what he was like. That would've been insane if you had talked to me for seven hours on the phone. We talked all night and then you were just like okay. I guess we're done. He's like that was. That was like an emotional one night. Stand and I was like yeah I was like I guess. I'm I'm different in the way that like people can have sex with somebody and then just walk away. That seems insane to me. I'm like how do people do that? But like to me talking to someone all night and then like never talking to them. It doesn't seem that weird. I have different intimacy issues. I guess I would never let someone inside me and then just like walk away like a burning building crazy but like if I if I talked to someone all night. I'm like good conversation. That's like what a nice like moment that was. Did you ever movie vanilla sky? I didn't know that's Tom. Cruise Vanilla Sky Cameron Diaz says something in that movie when she right before. She's about to kill him. That is so real. I love when you find a line. That is like so real. She says It makes grosses me out to say she goes. She's like so wait. I'm nothing to you and he was like well. You know She's like I come in my mouth and I was like whole aggressive. Statement Is Yeah. It is literally said that like last night. Basically what say that but like we see. I've got like this stuff to take when you're like getting sick because we've been sick a lot so he. He went to like some like holistic pharmacy when he was in the Gulf of for us. And this stuff tastes like death. It tastes like surgery when it works and we were drinking. And he's like he's like this is where like me drinking for so long helped me out because I've taken like shots and somebody's like you've never done and I said I've swallowed semen like you think I haven't tasted a bad thing for a second. Like come on. He's wouldn't trade and he's like well sorry I was like I'm not. I'm just saying you're not better than me. Because you've taken a shot before also when you take a shot you don't have to pretend it tasted good. Mid Roll reads mid roll reads. What are these are mid roll? Reads hiring is challenging. But there's one place you can go. We're hiring a simple fast and sparked a place for growing businesses connected qualified candidates and that place is ziprecruiter dot com slash. Burt cast ziprecruiter. Sends your job to over one hundred of the Web's leading job sites but they don't just stop there with their powerful matching technology ziprecruiter scans thousands of resumes to find the right people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job. You can even add screening questions to your job listing. You can filter candidates and focus on the best one zip recruiter so effective that four out of five employers who post on Ziprecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day and right now to try ziprecruiter for Free Milo can go to SIP. Recruiter DOT com slash burke cast that's ziprecruiter dot com slash PODCAST ZIPRECRUITER DOT COM slash. Birkat ziprecruiter. The smartest way to hire this episode of the broadcast is brought to you by. We'll we're all trying to figure out different ways to be healthier whether it's getting to the gym we're off to there. Being Smarter About Art Attrition. 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Dot Com and use the code. Burt AT CHECK OUT THE FIFTEEN. Percents off your order. Unlock your best today. So Leeann got me glasses and I put them on and I was like. Oh my God I can fucking C Inc. words like I could see words on the page. I can see the indentations on the page. Where like I can see like the texture of the page on this book. I'm like there's a texture this only God and then Lianne comes and sees me glasses and it's like oh my God you look adorable. This is win fucking win. I look cute. I'm reading like this. How great is this going to get debt? And then she climbs up the bed and gives me a kiss and I realize I've been looking at this bitch in standard definition the past ten years if I could notice the Texas on a page. I definitely saw them on her face. I'm like when did you get so fucking old at her? In High DEF like get the fuck. Outta here on breaking slashes saved. My marriage is working It does but you know I think Greg Fitzsimmons has a joke similar to it Al Que. It's Kinda summer so I was going to put it my last In in like it's been around since I got these glasses I kinda just got away from it So yeah I feel like a lot of my what. I'm writing these days shitting on the end You Know Joe told me that the other day I this great fucking joke. He was like. It's it's a bad joke. Knows like what like mean or it's a bad. It's a bad joke because he goes 'cause you're just not coming off right. The premise was. Who told you Joe Rogan? Okay and so We did a show together the night and both my sets were fucking base and dust. It's all new material you know. I don't think some people don't understand that they think I'm not going in there to do old Matab. I didn't get out of bed. I didn't fucking leave my family to do shit the Wino- works like yeah and so And the premise was we got. We bought this. How about a new house? We bought it. Technology is amazing Came up on. Redfin is an alert of what in our neighborhood that we liked in the price. We liked the answers. It sends IT OVER TO OUR REAL ESTATE AGENT. Real ESTATE AGENT CRABS IT sends it to the other real estate agent other real estate agents. Says it's as on the market yet you interested and we said Yeah. Let's put an offer putting an offer now had this house and Leeann are sitting in the backyard of this house today and she goes. Can you believe probably without technology would have never gotten this house and I thought I WANNA Kinda wife? I would've gotten with technology because I met Leeann before technology when you had stake a claim just all there's no native Americans here own. Cas SAFE live over the rest of our lives hilarious that you think white people wherever like oh good no native Americans here. I think we just removed them. Don't think we were that cool like oh no one's here cool. We'll settle thinking of foreign away when they all got on horses just with white flags and they're like all right. This is my land. Right a A river near it. Yeah I mean is very cool about the jokes you do. He said jobs jobs like it. Just shitting on your wife. And that's not you love your wife like why wouldn't you say you love your wife and I was like I don't know just joke like and then all you play like I'm just trying to fucking survive up there right like in your head. You're like are just fucking. I got no material right. Yeah and and the premise. The part of the joke liked which is true is before met Leon. I'd seen one picture of her and it was her with. Um what I thought was a special needs person and And I was and then. They're like they're like man she single. You WanNa meet her and I was like fuck. Yeah and then I was like wait. Which one is she? And I was like doesn't matter I'll fuck both of them and so that was the joke I liked was. It's true is that there is his picture to Disneyworld with what looked like a special needs person. I mean that's that's funny. Regardless of who the other person was in the picture like you were just like which one it doesn't matter like that's such a source trying to trying to add to it. And and Tim Dillon. Lower like golden and Joe's I I you same thing. Is The dog joke. He goes. Yeah you guys weren't listening to the room room was like. Oh let's fucking guy what's he was? He a little money cheated on his wife. And you're like he does kind of sound like that sometimes. Yes yes which. I've had the same thought about you or not. That person like you don't like you've even talked about. We talked about this. I haven't been with that many people and I wonder. Do you think it comes from that where you're like. I wonder if I had had that phase because I think about that with me where I go. I hear so many people talking about like having that phase where they got all this whatever out of their system in their life sexually and I've just been in relationships and I love being in relationships but friends of mine have said like Oh you need to have that phase or something and I have friends who missed that phase who now want that phase like I think men and women both feel that way and I wonder if any of that. I don't think I couldn't have had that face. Yeah you're anxious absorbing just know scared of nearly seizes and yes I could never have had that Phase I think it. I think you know a lot of a lot of times I think and I. Maybe people don't get credit enough about this so there's comics Who Tried Joke and then get cancelled? Cultured JOKES TOO AGGRESSIVE. Or whatever right my version of that is just coming off. A tablet unlikable in a joke that. I'm trying to figure out also. Yeah I've done I've definitely you know what it is woke. People don't WanNa like your comedy I think people want to dismiss you as like Broadway and like racist and whatever else like I said we are so yeah if you give them even an inch they just like run with it. Yeah I woke people do not at all. WanNa there's no part of them that goes okay. The guy ripped his shirt off. I can't wait and it's just so many part I mean I think they probably look at me like grant look they go great another one of these fucking guys we gotta stomach but there's you know then there's people on like the club side of things that sort of comedy who there's probably fans of yours that look at people who like bring a guitar out on stage and go on his fucking you know. Everybody has stuff that makes them go out. Like people will do that with me. Just like lady. No you know like so for me. Yeah I had a guy come to one of my shows I remember it was maybe like four months ago or something and He came with his girlfriend and he comes up to me after the show and he goes. I've never seen a female comic and I don't like them and my girlfriend brought me and he goes and I knew I thought you're gonNA suck so I brought this fireball with me. I snuck it in a This little ball of fire and you were great and I didn't even have to open it. You think you put a yelp review actually didn't have to open my emergency fireball to get through Jesus snapping. It's gotta be weird. It's funny because most men most male comics know that the adage of females are funny is not accurate at all. I mean there are male comics out there. That probably believe it. I think they're not worth their weight. And what I hear now is like there. Aren't that many good female com doors. That many good comics right. I think there is a there is a. There is a plethora of male comedy. Yeah especially white male comedy and I don't know I don't know what that I don't know why that is. I don't know why white guys think believe inherently that they can do this. I mean I think every white guy thinks could probably do comedy. Yeah Yeah I mean. I obviously thought that I don't know that. I think every white guy thinks that but yeah I think you're right. A lot of them are just very confident in our like this is. This is what I could. This is what I could do. Yeah what percentage of do you think white men? I'm just saying white men because I think our community. The black men I think is actually higher of of low percentage answer white men know what percentage of white men think. They could do comedy. Oh legit I don't know in their diary right. I could probably get onstage or like I would say forty five percent of white. Yeah I was GONNA say fifty fifty percent how many percentage what percentage of black men do you think? I could definitely give us as do that. I don't know seventy five percent. I don't think black men are funnier than white. Men just period. I think black men naturally are funnier than white men. Actually one hundred percent minister of. I don't know if I said it was a girl but I definitely believe that Don't any barbershop any of the guys. Fucking cracking jokes are ten times. Funnier than half of the fucking guys. You'll see out there. Here's assed. Here's something I said yesterday that my daughter's fucking lit up on me and then I had to defend and I think I won the defense ready for this observation. It started with ugly women and George Goes. You're looking at those girls on the street aren't you and I went. Hold on. He goes no no. You were looking at those girls in the street and you formed. A statement is started with ugly women and I said yes. It did and she goes. I just wanted to acknowledge that. Keep going all women including ugly women that's Nice of you to include include them. Try Look Pretty. All women ought not all men. Ugly men often give up right. Ugly men never attempt to look good looking. Yeah there's just go fuck it hockey jerseys white pants yeah obvious. Come home to comecon like we're so conditioned that like the first thing we should be is pretty like a like before anything else. Just be pretty. And you worry about everything I'll be Barbie and then you can have all these jobs like crazy. Yeah guys don't have to be good looking to like be successful or like gets really hot or whatever like so. It's not as big a motivator for them ms so bizarre to me. I couldn't get past it that like the three girls. They're walking by the Beverly Center. Were just shows. I mean real train wrecks but they were all gussied up like wars and I was like. It's almost like you said is like supplemented. So roughly like he's train. Wrecks are all gussied up like horse but I don't know why woke people hate me. It's some weird. They were like they like they were like. I'm just saying like I'm trying to. I'm trying to put it in perspective. They were it was like they had no idea of like the appropriate amount of clothings should cover part of a body like this. They were if they were hot. You would have been like. That's fine no I don't I don't if they were hot probably would have been like. That's fine I would have been like I would have not noticed it as much as I noticed I was like why like. Why can't here's what I'm here's so if you're if you're like Chris Delia. You can look a certain way. You can dress certain way. 'cause you're good looking guy you if you're gonNA wear a fuck in like a. I don't know what he wears but like good looking clothes dresses up and he looks. He attempts looking hot If I put on those clothes you immediately go with the fuck you doing right so then hold on. So and so this is my point. Yeah women we don't do that. We go okay. Everyone's gotTa try to get the fucking brass ring. Everyone's gotta dress like that with is if I dressed that way like if I dressed like Like in like like in a leather jacket and shirt that I bought and no one will let me wear it like. Who Do you think you are housing? It is it bad black shirt that I bought at as so cool and every time I put it on there like like A. You're trying to do art. You're also a dad like you're older than Chris Delia. You'RE A dad. You're married like in the same way like if my dad tried to dress like Christly. That would be weird to but I don't think that's right. I think women you you do that with women to like. If somebody's mom tries to dress like she's in college you're like what are you done? I know someone who's mom does that. Oh Yeah Yeah. Yeah and they. And it was a bone of contention word source of contention. Yeah her whole life because you had there are moms at dress slutty and your lens and they're really hot and they dress you know younger. I think I think I think it's less so like you dress. You shouldn't dress hotter than you are. It's that you shouldn't dress younger than you are. I think that's what's noticeable like with those girls that you saw were is it was that they were ugly to you or is that they were too old to be dressing. They were all age appropriate. It was just like it was like. I guess it's maybe maybe I am being an asshole. Maybe as BAA body positive images of like one was in like a a see-through halter like delegate was like a a blossom e type type thing that like had elastic under her ted. But you could see through it. It's like Maljevac. And then she had a brawl on but she was easily two hundred eighty pounds and then she had like what looked like They were probably shorts at one point but they just look like a bathing suit because they were so high up and then she had like a combat boots on. And I was just. She was but none of these clothes fit her from my perspective. I was like that's I don't know I think fitting someone that's very that doesn't sound like it was supposed to be like a shirt that covered that sounds like a style of a shirt. Your shirt I in my head I was like. Oh it's not like somebody put on clothes like oh. This doesn't fit or these. This is a league. I'm van they fit. They fit her but it was almost like certain things. I I wouldn't wear in public but I take that back. I also knew they're doing like a photo shoot or they're doing. I don't doubt enough what you're doing is defending situation and going will maybe. And that's what my daughters do. I think that's what we do where they go hold on. We've been judged so much. Let's take one step back and I think men don't do I. I won't say I don't do that enough. I just don't understand I mean if you're you know at your daughter's fourth birthday party wearing a bikini in your forty that's like that's probably not the time to be wearing that it's not that you can't wear it is just like we're not the appropriate thing if people are you know dressing inappropriately to do stand up. That will bother me because I in the same way. If christly took his shirt off and performed everyone would be like fuck this guy. I'd be like hello. That's what I'm saying. Nobody would be like 'cause he's in really good shape right. I assume is a great shape. Let's say like nobody wants to. That's not funny. That's like what are you doing? I guess that's why a gain the weight back. You know it's a hero. I've had a lot of this weekend. You WanNa hear my other one. Yeah I am. I have never been attracted to young girls. That's pretty good. No but when I was young. Oh you didn't like Women Your Age. I did not. I was attracted to older women. I thought older women were sexier. There's something just didn't like about. I said the bill the football game of always been attracted to all the look of an older woman like Susan Serandon. Yeah like Like Serandon. I think so. Fucking sexy she. She's hot and like any but she's always been sexy. Yeah I don't ever know when she she was young one point. Did you think she's hot? When she was young. The garber newer was usual. Oh Okay I'll only knew who bull. Durham Okay Bull. Durham Souza's rains. Only one I knew. So Andy McDonald is that her name. L. Andie macdowell and yes. She and We she and Groundhog's Day yes. I believe so. I'm GonNa Look Susan Serandon young and see if you are still on board. I bet you will be let me see this is. But here's what's crazy right. What so then. Do you have a bit about this? I don't know trying to trying to write so I'm having a bunch of crazy. Here's her young. Wow in nineteen ninety-three glasses arneses. Jesus Christ I know. There's something vulnerable about that picture. I don't like Oh. Wow you like you like them. Like sturdy emotional. I don't like I don't know if I think I realized this the other day I was like I was watching my daughter's softball game and I was like and all of a sudden I went like have at once. Had an idea like that any of these girls were cute like that attractive but I bet there are dudes would sit at a high school softball game. It'd be like smoke show right now even in like a leary way just like know that objectively it even objectively even leary in any kind of way not once have. I looked at any of those girls that went. I went where I wonder why and I said you know what's so funny. I feel identical to how I did when I was sixteen and I watched a girl softball team and I was like. I don't know if the coach does it for me Not to say the Georgia softball coach doesn't for me but like being like look like I was always leaning that way even liens older than me but Leeann the one thing I have always Atlanta's. She got prettier. The older she got And I was like wait. I guess that's a good problem to have but then it is a sound like a problem. No no no. It's not a problem at all. It's like also your wife is sexier. 'cause you're getting older you're like. Oh cool that's fucking odd But I I thought to myself I bet there are dudes who goes softball games. And they're like or like hanging out with Steph key. They're like that leaves her. Susan just just looks like vulnerable like that okay. She seventy three good for her. I mean the picture. We pulled up his merry heart more on Mary. Tyler Moore fucking gorge. Yeah Mary Tyler. Moore's probably one was beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. She has gorgeous lives US alchoholic. She's probably Mary Tyler is she gone. I think she probably is right. Yeah Twenty sometimes okay so recently I mean are no. That makes me feel nine. What Kinda man we attracted to like growing up was there was when you were kid. And you're like like Islas attracted to John Cena. Oh Yeah like. She can talk to people. You can't talk shit about Isla or John. Cena and Loki hilarious. Those are very different. Those are the most literally fucking different. You GotTa Goff and a meathead. That's really funny. I said something about Johnson the other day and she goes a not in this house and I went what you will about John Cena Deb. That's so funny. He's funny whenever I I had a big crush on John Kuczynski when I was younger. Who's he the gym from the office? For Real Yeah. I had a big crush when I was when I was like no. You'RE GONNA be able to meet him. I don't think that's true. A hundred percent really Johnny Nelson crush on in high school really. Yeah and I mean you know I guess most of the guys. I've dated have been like tall thin white guys dolphin white guys. Yeah that's what I did have I ever you know would you? Yes of course. Have you ever been attracted by? Yeah of course I think Donald covers like so hot donal rollins no DA DA for Donald. Glover Yeah really yes Michael Jordan. Everybody's into Michael Jordan. I'm not I can't. It's hard for me to put I I'm not attracted a lot of black dudes so I can't I can't be Jordan. Everybody's attracted to Michael who he is you. Yes you do each creed. Oh Yeah. He's the bag. I in Black Panther. Yes Oh he's a stud. He's so hot not not what I'd go for what I'm trying to think what kind of blackout sex with. I gotTA balance of the you ready for this. I'M GONNA I'M GONNA. I'm GONNA paint the picture of my perfect black dude. I date okay if I was into his Have you ever wondered data guy? No you'd Never GonNa try to do a guy ever not even one time. Even I mean. Don't get me wrong if Brad Pitt corner me in the closet and tried to kiss me. I'd probably just let it happen right. Yeah I mean it's fucking Brad Pitt celebrity celebrity. And that's all his money Brad Pitt. But you didn't know who he was really still looks like Brag. No no no no no no no no no no. Do you feel like that's just who you are have been conditioned. I've been conditioned gay a grown up maybe differently. Maybe you'd be more open to that I've been hardcore condition to that like. There's certain things that I I've that I feel like I have less to do with how I believe and more to do with like how I was raised raised in by the way and it. My parents raised me. It was Florida right like Like the there's certain things and Florida's such a weird fucking place in like and like you know. The majority of people in Florida are in shape. More than say the other places because it's so sunshiny. Yeah so there's a lot of outdoors activities If I was going to data Buckeye I would want him to be kind of PIMP. Ish like what? I'd want him to be smoking black and milds and and have like a fedora. I want like a like a ole southern playlist stick like a big boy from Malcolm. I think you older I attracted to way. I think as long as you want to hang out with them and listen to tell me more different thing. Yeah I I don't think I want to hang out with plenty of people. Have you looked at Girls Blake? I could totally date her. Yeah Thrill yeah need an age thing? 'cause like I that was not an there was no such thing understand. There is such thing as bisexual when I was a kid. There you would hear bisexual people go. Oh you mean gay and there was no I remember one time we were in a limo and someone was like some guy was like a sits on about humble dude and he was like. Assad that pad and everyone was like. I'm sorry what right. And they're like he's out with a buddy of mine in high school. We used to make out with each other. We weren't gay and everyone everyone in nothing was like no. You're you're one hundred guy like oh by the way I understand what I'm saying. A super loaded and like people kid we now know. I think there's probably I think now I'm a little more open to the idea of gender fluidity and yeah and like people I mean it just is like bisexual is like a is a thing that I now regret ever thinking. It wasn't yeah I remember. I had a friend who was bisexual girl and I was just like just be cool being gay. I guess my brain mom. This is what I was like. Twenty five people didn't think it was a thing I think I was like. Just why don't you just say your gay? Just I don't care if you're gay. But like yeah. And she was like. Nah I I fall in love with the person not to sex and I was like I can't separate the two which I think there's another word. Fezzet PAN sexual. That's when you fall in love with the that's like people identify as when it's like I just fell in love with the personality. Anything ABOUT GENDER Yeah I was talking to someone about this the other day where I was like. It's kind of interesting that we even have the word bisexual when the question is. What's your shut sexual preference? You prefer one over the other like it would almost make more sense to be like what's your sexual preference and then you say straight gay or I don't have one more so I don't I don't have a preference down for whatever the girl Jameel did you see Ya. She came out as queer right. Doesn't just means that you just I don't know I'm like it's I'm even even feel old talking about the stuff sometimes. Ripe old my younger scissors. Are you know two four six years older younger than me and they I will have conversations with them were they explain things to me and we don't have that many years between us but they explain things to me where I'm like? Okay all right. I didn't realize okay. Okay so this. And this is why saying they is more important than pronouns. And all this stuff like things that I feel like. I'm catching up on and I'm twenty six. I made But Yeah I think I think more and more and maybe this is just living in La. So I don't know I can't speak for people like in the middle of the country or whatever but I definitely feel like the everyone is coming around more to like no everybody's kind of on the spectrum of sexuality so then define me how come I'm not on the spectrum or my lying to myself. I think I think a lot of it is probably like you said where you came up in like where you raise and everything like if I was raised differently. Maybe if I hadn't grown up in church or anything maybe I would have you know dated girls in high school. You know what I mean like I. I won't know because that was like not. That was not a place I could ever go in my head when I was younger because I was so religious. But like does that so Such a weird. I wish there was more like I. Guess we're still at like the The discovery pointed this. Because now we're having kids growing up like I can't deny there's a trend transgendered the female thank you. I lost in with the assist. He's seen me do this wrong a million times. I'm so bad at the fucking just the league linguistics the. I'm trying to be careful right now if I've said anything offensive. I'm so sorry through this with a fine tooth comb Blah anything. Okay great fantasy. Yeah Yeah Yeah. Yeah Yeah I need you to really clean this up. Anything that you think might get either of US cancelled. Pull the fuck out because I would never want a child to hear this and think I had any judgment. Yeah how they were feeling right. Yeah Yeah but but but I am an older man where I go like. I don't some of this is so new to me where you're like. But then you see like there's this. transgendered young lady. And you're like oh no that that is a that. That is a female. That is a right one hundred percent that is that is living her truth. Yes and you can't deny that and there was just I just with a couple of parents whose whose son was transitioning I guess or Dr was transitioning and you could see that they were like just so cool with it yeah. I'm so glad that's happening. Yeah and if either my daughter said I don't feel like a girl want to be a boy I'd be like him and I just want you to be happy alive. That's all I give a fuck which is huge. I mean do you know how many parents your age don't can't even talk about that stuff for would be like horrified or very dismissive of any of that like it's it's heartbreaking because all you want is apparent your be safe right. That's IT I don't yeah listen I I I understand. You're going through some shelly. Just want you to be safe. Yeah I want you to be happy of course but more importantly just fucking wake up every morning and know nothing. Bad's GonNa Happen to you right. Yes the that's the number one thing. It's crazy that there are people that the what needs to happen is there needs to be a bridge from people that grew up the way. I grew up thinking one way who still feel that way to the wo- community the Woke Communities Scrape Bridge to those people to understand. They're not taking anything away from them so I think people that have these old school beliefs. I feel like they think you're taking something away from them right. Yeah you work so hard no matter what you believe I think to form those beliefs and commit to them that at a certain point. I'd imagine that if someone challenges them you're like this is who I've been for twenty years. I decided twenty years ago. This is who I am and this I feel about stuff and now I have to go back and re redefine everything that I thought. This was already a lot the first time around. Yeah Yeah Yeah. Yeah they get here and it's just uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable to look at what you believe. And why you believe it and and adjust and change in. But you did it with you. Did it fairly seamlessly coming out of the church and then kind of growing. I don't know that it was seamless. I mean like I said I still get twinges of even if you know. I do dirty jokes on the road and I feel like the audience is older. They don't like like that as much I will get really upset afterward. And I know it's coming from my own stuff where I feel judged And I feel like I worked really hard to not feel that way anymore But Yeah I don't I don't think it was like one day edged woke up. It was like you know what I'm fine with how I actually am. I think it was really a like slow painful process up until six months ago. I think I got engaged because I was like. I mean I was like I gotta get engaged. I gotta get married on some level before my special comes out and I disappoint my whole family. So maybe this way I'll at least be Lake married and settled and though like the person I'm with and I'll be like normal and good in that way like that's the way to be like clean or something that makes sense. Yeah 'cause I also. I had moved in with them. And I think on some level Mike. My parents were not happy about it. My Dad was not happy about it and I think part of it was going like see. I wouldn't move in with anybody like that kind of thing. See what why? It's so funny because I look at guys like your dad who is a little more traditional view on the world and I I. I quickly empathize with them and go. How how do we? How do we get them to like start to open their mind? Yeah no like like as opposed to attacking them which I think is what happens. The most is when someone says something a little fucked up. They attack them. Yeah and I think I get from this place where I go hold on. Hold on we. We can't just. It's not the island with Leonardo Dicaprio where we just put them over there and we don't hear from them anymore. We gotTA BRING THEM IN. Yeah I don't know it's tough. I mean you especially if you're religious. You've built your whole life around this belief system and then if things challenged that you're kind of like all right you're you're chipping away at my entire belief system and this is what keeps me comforted and on track morally and all that if if you start to break down even pieces of that it's GonNa compromise everything for me. Do you think you'll ever talk about like the stuff we're talking about now. I don't talk about stage. Like just talking about social issues like transgendered versus queer versus bisexual versus like there are some comics that see that and lean into it. Hardy Shit. Yeah and I feel like like when you write and this is by the way a conversation Joe and I had the other night extending that I feel like I'm I always. I feel like any cheap joke. I write although I have them in my act. Sometimes it's it's from point A. TO POINT B. Yeah I try to get rid of. I'd like to write jokes. No one can write. I'd like I want my goal is to write jokes. The other comics go God damnit. That's a good joke as opposed to just litter my act with a bunch of bullshit and there's certain subjects I stay away from Like I don't really talk about like it would have to be a story. A personal story. That happened to me. Yes that when it comes to like if I had a transgender joke and by the way it probably wouldn't lean the way I think most people want to lean would probably be very very very sensitive and I would want to open people's eyes and I would want you know like I do. I feel the same way I feel like I write from a personal place and if I haven't experienced something I don't feel like I can tell jokes about it. That's so fucking that's exactly how I feel. I haven't it's if it hasn't affected me directly than I don't really have a dog in this fight and if you're doing like social issues and topical jokes like you have to. That's so hard because I mean everybody's doing bits about that on twitter. Snl Like you have to be so careful to not step on anybody else's bits about it whereas like nobody else is going to write a joke about something that happened with you on vacation with your daughters. You know what I mean man I. I look at like fucking Bill Burr and Chapelle and rock and all these guys that are just great social commentators Rogan and who take a topic Like Trying to think of a topic that they've all shared on like Like the me too. I'm sure they meet me to angle. Yeah I go. I'm out there. I'm not I'm ray fuck with it. Never GonNA write a joke. Better than Burr. Chapelle Rogin Chris Rock. Yeah no I'm not going to on the on that because that's the wrangle. They've been leaning into that for me. A personal story. Maybe they don't they haven't been doing that but I've been doing it so long that I go. I can try to tackle a social issue round and do it through a personal story. Yes Yeah Yeah. I totally agree with that. I also you know with that stuff. I mean with any joke. There's always going to be people who don't like it but this idea that like if it's funny enough you can joke about anything. It's like not necessarily like. I thought burs specialists hilarious. I thas metoo jokes. Were so funny and I have a friend who's been through some stuff where she was just like. I don't watch it like I can't like I don't think it's funny and I don't care for it and I'm like I mean if if he's not making you laugh at it no one's GonNa make you laugh at some you know so funny the the I never I never understood too soon. Like a by understand the concept of it but I never I never got it personally. I was like I think it was funny. It's funny you laugh at anything And and when I got Molly D- I didn't find any of it funny. I found it very not funny in in the slightest And I I got too soon and then the I joke that made me laugh about. It was like when you knew you're getting better over it And so I was like an everyone's like oh you should talk about that on Stage Act. I still think it's way too personal. It's a it's A. I was a victim in it not not to over. Obviously people have heard the story but like I'm not like I'm not like the champion of the story right if someone does happen to me. I'm like I'm like it. I don't know where to take ownership in the direction of the comedy that makes sense. I think you're just still upset about it. I think that's another upset about it and I've said about I'm not upset about it I'm actually Very cool with with everything that went down in the way. But I'll tell you. Why is the vulnerability was in My fear when he cummings told me she goes. What sucks about this situation is you can become a meme and if you become a mean than they take away all the work you've ever done and you're just the thing that shows up when people like it to look at Michael Jordan kids don't know whom I was organised. They just know that he's the crying black dude and like don't don't let it one of the reasons. I never released. The podcast is one of the reasons. That's one of the reasons other reason is I. Don't think Ari's recollection of the events isn't quite as they weren't quite as hilarious. He remembers. It's all replaying a character of a he'll to his friend who's afraid he's GonNa die. Yeah and so it's not it's not as comical as everyone might remember it to be but But Yeah I was. I was very like like eyestone. Joey's apparently got a murderous bit about it really. Yeah because he wasn't involved you just show up and he showed up that day and so he's just destroying with this bit where I haven't seen it yet but everyone telling me as genius. Well you think you'll talk about it eventually. You're so funny I I. There are things like the machine's door. I never thought I'd talk about right. I just was like I. It's not meant for stage. Yeah and you got to do it. I don't think a theatre environments where you work something like that out personally. Yeah it would. I'd have to be home in the clubs for like an extended period but yeah I don't I bet you will. I think it's I think yeah I think too soon is a real thing and it varies for everybody and obviously we don't feel it as often as comedians. But I've definitely felt that way with stuff like this'll be really funny but right now it's it will upset me if I talk about it even if I have a great bit about it. The jokes going to work right now because everyone will sense that I'm upset and they'll focus on that they'll be like oh she's angry. She's but if it's just like if you talk about something like a memory then you know like I have probably ten minutes in the new our about my mom dying and some of the jokes. I wrote a long time ago and they didn't work because I was like too young or I wasn't comfortable enough with it and now like I can talk about it in a way where I'm like. No I'm fine. You guys like if you're not laughing you're you're not doing anything for anybody like then she died for nothing. Actually if you don't laugh so that's on you and I was like I say this on issue and people get uncomfortable Mike Locally I get that it's like a bad thing that happened but I'm saying it on stage now into a microphone which means now it's money so when you guys are like all like what you're really saying is all she made money and like do you think. I'd be successful if I had a live mom. No I'd be a creative writing major. Who loved myself and you'd have to stay home and be funny at each to find the power in the broken hearts. Yeah but like you have to have some distance and obviously that happened when I was really young but like you have to have some distance and maturity and you have to find the beats of it in a way. That's not only sensitive to how you feel about it and not gonNA trigger you but not gonNA trigger anybody else in a huge way like there's so much going on so we traumatic things. That happen do you when you when you are with Sam. Do you guys find that you do right do you. Do you like sit down with a pen and paper and just right Yeah and does he do it that way? Yeah and do you so much. I mean I'm it's been like very it's been interesting because we started seeing each other of few couple months before I shot mine and a few months before he shot. He shot his like a few weeks. After I shot mine and then his came out you know a week ago and minds coming out in three weeks so we've kind of been doing the exact same thing like we were both preparing to film a special filming it and then immediately trying to write new jokes and now we're in like promotion moat. So we're we're kind of doing it all the other but yeah I mean it's we've both had days where I mean talk about like material like we. We've argued where he's like. That's a bit and I'm just like we're we're fighting like can we just wait a minute? And now he's now wait till the next day to pitch the bit but as you think you're writing more now yes definitely. Oh my gosh yeah. Of course and I mean that's just dating another comedian first off Meats Fair with a brilliant commute. I mean it doesn't hurt. I was the last the comic I dated before like was it was like a very toxic on again off again relationship and I still got so many bits out of that. I mean so much material rule out of that relationship and that guy and part of it is like he was a comedian and he was going up a lot and it made me WanNa go up a lot and like he just you get like competitive it in like a healthy way not like competitive but just like you push each other or whatever Which and I'm I'm one of those people that's like. I think this is probably just being a female comic thing. But I'm very like don't like I don't Wanna I don't WanNa go to shows with my boyfriend like he's like well we have to do shows together like we gotta hang out like I WanNa see you when I'm in town and I'm like yeah but like me being even if you weren't a comedian I want you to come watch me and the store you know look it has nothing to do with is a little bit to do with the comedy stuff but mostly it's just like that's a different gear for may be like somebody's girlfriend and it's hard for me to go from like holding somebody's hand to then going on stage like I just it. I can't it's going to be you're GONNA be in work mode. Yeah I got to be in the same problem with my kids and my wife come to a show. Yeah can you I? I don't do this with other people. Normally yes sir do this. It's it's a joke I used to have about a orgasms a celebrate for so long the first time I talked to my wife. I don't normally do this sort of the people that's really funny. the But not but like they come in. They're like my wife will be like So do you want to get something to eat? Mccade I if I if I was going to be something I would just be hungry. I eat like dinner. I don't WanNa like like I. I have certain rituals about the way I behave. Yeah do stand up. Yeah and if it almost even if you're taking care of me Oh I'm used to taking care of myself so it's just like you just Kinda need to but I I will get and I'm very sensitive about people assuming which wouldn't happen now but when you're first starting you get some of this people assume someone's girlfriend and the Greener Oh yeah as opposed to a comedian and again doesn't really happen anymore but when I was younger it did and it's like why don't carry a purse into like inside clubs like because I feel like it makes me look like someone's girlfriend told me that before I think I did. Maybe I'll have a backpack or something but it's all everything I do is very deliberate. Like if I do you know An interview for TV. And then I have to go straight to a show. I have to have makeup wipes in the car like I can't go on stage and a bunch of makeup like there's all these different. Yeah there's always different things that are just mentally. Think about so if you're dating a comic a year why can't I watch your set 'cause you can't because I'm working as but I think you're great. Why would it bother you for me to watch your says 'cause I'm working and I don't want to think about it's like parents? Parents go head Lipsey perform. I go sure when you perform the next. I was like well. I don't know what do you mean I was like? I don't want you at my fucking show. Yeah why Schweitzer's there. I don't want to perform in front of people I fucking know. Yeah ooh yeah which. I've gotten better about it now with him and like even like writing. There's very few people I feel like I can write with. And we've gotten to a point now where he's like no. It's like run jokes by each other and stuff and I. I can do it but there are. There's like one or two people that I really feel like I get a lot done writing with Because I do think it's just you mean writing jokes with a partner just like bill. Dustin Nickerson is one of my good friend features for me. Dustin Nickerson OCHRE and He and I really well together and so when he and I are on the road. I get a lot done with him. We'll just go to a diner during the day unlike bounce. Bits off each other. But you know it's there's like a degree of comfor- -bility I think you need and like not being afraid of being judged like dozens like my big brothers like I don't care like he'll shit on me all day and it's like okay. It's like a Nogi but like somebody I'm dating and I want to think I'm great and respect me. It's hard to be like. Is this anything. No right I'll go kill myself like it's not it's just I don't know and he's like I'm never judging you and I'm like yeah. Well I feel the same way with your stuff. But it's just it's my own thing and it's something I've had to definitely like get used to its natural state to just bake bounce bounce jokes off a whoever who cares like. I'M NOT THAT SECURE. I don't think I don't mind belts jokes off people I like before the joke. I mean like I should say bounce ideas because all bounce a joke office somebody like is that good but if I just have an idea and it's not like a joke yet that's hard for me balance off man like I wanna see. I've never written with anyone. Oh Gosh I can't think of any let me see. Let me look through my phone. Look through my phone if I have any ideas. That are not anything yet. That's a hard thing you don't do that that much. Do you kind of you mostly right. Down like lines are on the line. Wrote DOWN THE OTHER DAY. It's easier START AWAIT. It's easier to start the wave at an XFL game like I'm not a sports person though but like to have you know if you're familiar with the wave right. Yeah like like so yeah. Waves are started by one person so one per me and bill watches happened the other day. And that's why I wrote the line it's easier to start a wave start the wave at an xfl game meaning. Something would be so difficult. I'd rather try to get twenty thousand people to do one thing then you to do one thing so so what a guy does in this. By the way this wave was one of the fucking funniest and I I was high. So I've seen it in a different way This is such the fucking shittiest. Think this guy and now I have so much connection with this Because I was the guy that tried to start waves that my talent level had I not gotten discovered by Rolling Stone magazine. I would just be the guy starting waves everywhere like. Yeah that's my personality. It's my skill set. I'm like or are we ready I. That's what I did it. Florida state I was that energy. Yeah so marching. This guy told me this isn't fucking Piss you off watching this guy's trying to start the wave now. He's getting cock blocked in eight different ways. So it's low attendance so there's parts of thin parts of the audience that he can't get it to go past. Yeah but more importantly it's like it's almost like the MC fucking with him because as soon as he'd get the wave going then the MC would go are going to start a chance. When I say so so his chant would negate the guys wave guys trying to start the way for like probably on and off fifteen to twenty minutes built. Joel are watching. This building are watching this guy and and we're rooting for him. You ready for this. This guy's sitting in one section one thirty two the guy. He's on the corner seat the edge. The aisle seat of sexy one thirty to the guy in the aisle seat of one thirty one starts away going. The other directions takes all his energy right and goes. I'm GONNA do the other way and he gets to around and you can watch. This guy was so upset. This guy stole his wave and then it got all the way background. And he didn't even standoff. He was like no. I was watching the so intently at a fucking football game that I was like the line came up with this either. Start the wave start. I The words this Dad Bob Fucker. Mom. That's a good one. We got that from the other day. a okay. Here's an idea. You ready okay. So let's workshop this joke. Okay I think I have it The concept is if you've been married for a long time the best thing to do is get your wife tender account. Don't let her know but you signed her up for tender and read. What guys say they want to do your wife? It'll really make you fall back in love with her. That's really great like that. I like that and then okay. So that's the Primus what I like that. I like that as long as you. Don't turn it into something shitting on your wife Yeah I think the angle of it will make you fall number there again like. Oh Wow these guys want to okay. I'm going to do that. Kim. She doesn't know about it is that someone would send it to our someone to be like. Someone's using your picture like someone's using my picture really. Yeah Yeah. Wow how are they doing with it? actually a couple of people asked. Us My picture. You this one girl's using a picture of me in her on there. Oh Okay and she and and it's funny that like the guys that are like dude. How do you not swipe right on a girl that likes you so you're like US smart getting my sensibility? Type guys. Good Guys. I guess ultimate a guy just using yours is pretty fucked up. Oh no I've never seen anyone using mainly just using your picture because I know people who aren't well known who they're don't find out people are using their photo online just to like catfish people. Yeah that happens. Mid Roll. Reads mid roll reads. What are they these are mid roll? Reads this podcast is also brought to you by fiber. Let's talk about finding the right freelance talent for your project and or business which I am doing all the time. I know that finding the right freelancer can be time. Consuming frustrating an outright expensive. Where do you go to find the talent? 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Maybe an actor so they've got like a public facebook page for these kids in the class went onto his facebook page through their MOMS account and was reading his personal shit. Fucking falling out laughing right. They're like Oh my God. Can you imagine if you had insight to the personal views of your of your teachers like? You're their lives their life and you could look at their friends he added and these kids created a fake account of this woman and hit the dude up. Like Oh my God I love your music or whatever it is music or acting or whatever it is and they're an said they're blackmailing him and I was like. They're fucking blackmailing him suicide. Yeah it's bad like I don't know if I should say something I was like hold on. Do not get involved. I was like hang on. What are they trying to get out of them? And they're like she's like nothing they just they just and I was like I think you mean cat. Fishing she goes. What's that I go when you take a picture of a beautiful woman and then you pretend that you like coming show? Oh yeah they're doing that. And I was like Jesus Christ. I'll get your fucking words together. She heard the other day she heard my mom. My mom had a Cuban Sandwich donegal disgusting and I was like what she does. That is horrible work even is that real and I was like yes she goes home. I got what humans are. They using a set of Cuban food sandwich. So but yes. So that fucking blew me away that these kids were cat fishing their teacher. That's pretty fucked up just like who are a glad. It's not blackmailing it's like. It's still pretty bad walking catfish teacher. Yeah imagine yeah. Can you imagine how I mean? I know my friends growing up would definitely do that. A hundred percent. Yeah one hundred percent. Oh my God how hard it is to be a teacher so hard. My friends at teacher and She's posted about before she's like. Oh my gosh. She's like. My kids found my instagram. Like we don't even if they have a private one it just takes one of them to get in and they can just posts everything so she used to be careful like not too. Because you know teacher my age is GonNa go online like bitch about their job and you've got to be so careful what you job or post personal. You don't even think about that like going through a rough patch right now. Your kids show up. They're like hey be quiet during the tests or like your wife left so rough quiet the way. Your Dad never paid attention to you. Who told you that looking told you that? Where's your wedding ring? Rough night sleep on the couch again. Last night have heard your cats dead cat. Picture changes just you alone? I would never want to be a teacher now. You'll media with social media's fucking although if I was a teacher I don't know that I'd beyond Social Media. Would you be social media if you didn't have to be for this job? Oh yeah that's I would never be on social media. Yeah right I use it. Like land us she never. She has no clue how instagram works. Like I yeah I would never. I would never do social media. Yeah it's so funny because I I'm I feel like I feel like I'm a very fairly astute was social media and there are things that will rub me wrong said I that bother me that I don't really like there's this guy I'm hesitant to give out his Hashtag because I don't want to cause him grief But he he has. I won't give out his Hashtag but he has a Hashtag like Like Let's tear it up Hashtag let's tear it up again And what he's done is he has a really nice car and he has gotten it wrapped as a tribute to coat. Kobe and gee-gee his daughter and is a tribute to them. Black Mamba on their mom academy big murals of them on the sides and on the hood but he also has his Hashtag. Let's tear it up all over there. So and then. He takes the card of the staple center parks in front of the Staples Center and people are taking pictures with it. And he's again. This is a man. I shouldn't do an accent of the actual find out who this guy is quickly basic. This is what I do. I'm here for the people you know. Let them take pictures. Let them take pictures. That's all right. Let's celebrate their lives and I'm like no you're capitalizing on the two people. You are trying to while literally on their grave capitalize on them. Yeah and IT'S I. I was drunk almost fucking lit them up knows. Like don't fucking don't get involved. What yeah. He's a gross person. Yeah that's super that's super grow. I see an people taking pictures with it. Like so cool. You did this and I'm like you don't see that there's a hash at once. There's a Hashtag like I'm out. If there were no Hashtag. It'd be like I had I was going to do something with homeless people and This bill just great Taco company. I forget the name of their In La and they do this thing where they for. Every Taco I think on Tuesdays maybe every Taco you buy They donate a Taco for homeless people and they take him out to a shelter and and donate tacos. I think that's how it works. Not Certain but yeah but anyway I said how about this how about we do. I'll do something with you guys and I'll buy like fucking up by four thousand Tacos and then you match they. They donate a tacos. While I go by four thousand TACO's then you match it. You make four thousand Tacos and I'll drive him down to the homeless shelters and I'll give them out to the homeless shelters and my brain goes. Yeah and I'll and I'll videotape it and I'll put on social media and then and then everyone will know in the middle of this. I was like okay. I'm a Mardi out. This is horrible. Donate the fucking money to homeless shelter. Yeah I mean but you could also make the argument like oh by filming it and doing that more people see you doing that and then it inspires other people to donate and do something like that. So there's that's I think is different than wrapping your baby. Maybe I think it's a little. It's a little different when you're going. Look I'm doing this. You should also do this. That's a little different. It's like it's like you ever see someone. I definitely made that if I did something. Charito charitable it. Could maybe see accent. Yeah maybe you see the cracks in the way of doing this for you. Yeah Yeah I mean I just. I think it depends on how you go about it like if you're just if you're doing like a call to action where it's like this is how you can donate to this 'cause as I can get involved that's just visibility for it but if you are doing it as you would have would have fun. Thursday. I had and a great guy I am like. That's a little different. I think it's all about execution. So eight so isla so islas part of this at like a non-profit acting group had to acting here and so we had no some extra money for that was earmarked for charity and M So I said. Hey why don't why don't we give when we donate to this this group so that they can keep continuing these? This husband caught my husband. Wife do everything themselves. They pay for everything that we we. We pay to have our kids in it but they're not making a ton of money from this. They're doing it because they love acting. They love kids right so he said I lo- in next time she's in town. I won't say her name but next time she's in town she's going to Texas when she's in this part of neighborhood and then we Texas. That's when you should go give her the money you should do it. I love because it's you're acting to ensure so she's talented. She's in our area. We taxed her cigarette. Stop by so Leeann. And let's do this off so it's three thousand dollars K to three thousand dollars we give it to Iowa a check. She comes over and she goes. Hey we thought we let you guys talk. And she's like Oh sick. Isla you excited for The next place she goes yeah she was like what what part we think about. And she goes Moon face I think our pie face moon face. It's I forget the name of the really an Lagos. Yeah and inside the check over to her doesn't say anything she goes. What's that for us for you? She opens it while now lamb. They're listening to this book is she. Doing she goes. That's a lot of money. What's his four. She was just for you and I'll she's like okay and it just looks like she bribed this lady. She was like. Here's three thousand dollars. I want that part and we all so funny walked into Isla Dude. I gotTa tell you what it's foreign. She goes oh it's for you guys. Well know what teller what it's for like I don't know what the fuck it was. So that's hilarious. That's really really funny. Yeah See I. I can't run bits by Leeann. Really why she just kind of like Say get it so are they all about how you wish you could cheat on her. I don't I don't if I wanted you. Don't alright. Just cheat on her right yeah. I don't wish this. Why wouldn't you be nervous to cheat on her? Never never I would never cheat on because it. I'm sure I've told you this or I've said it on stage. I had cheated on every girl every day that Oh everyone I didn't know that yeah. Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah I love cheating. It was so much fun. Holy God. It's the funnest Ios time you'll ever have in your life. Oh my God oh your heart races like it never raised. So you're so anxious you wouldn't feel like guilty guilty and straps. I didn't know it was really fun. I've been walked in on by walked in on. That part wasn't fun. Ooh Why was crazy? Feeling it's almost like free fall. It's like your heart races and you're and I I couldn't stop smiling laughing so so nervous. I was so it's the one of the worst things that's happened to that girl. I'm sure is no walking in on her boyfriend sleeping with someone else and laughing hysterically. Nightmare wasn't laughing hysterically. I was just like like a nervous like a nervous stop. It was so did you keep thrusting. No no no. I wasn't having sexual hanging out on the CAL midler. It was clear. Okay that makes more sense and sh- but I am not that I never I never just. I don't know I I was very in love with Leeann and like so there was a moment where she She dumped me and I got an I. I fought to get her back and I was on outpost Kanye or Alpers Dr Jogging and the Sun was setting. And I made a pact with. God does your like if you let me let me have this back. I won't fuck this up. Never see it on a number of like that so I never really thought about cheating on her and then one day we were two girls we have the two girls were on cat and dog on the bed and is just the perfect fucking morning and we were all laughing hysterically and I was like this is what life's about like if I if I had if I had a lie I wouldn't be able to fully enjoy this moment and I was like I want ally in my life and I was like I can I I'm she. Lets me do a lot of fucking things ask? She doesn't have a problem with strip clubs doesn't have a problem with drinking. Doesn't have a problem with drugs quite honestly all that I can do. She tells me go call up. Doug Stanhope Stanhope House for a week. Goes back in the day she go skiing with? Ra or go to do this with your friends have fucking fun. Yeah but that's the one thing and she and I just made a decision. Remember make chocolate chip pancakes and I was in the bed and the girls were down with her is when we're on our loft and I was just laying there. They were lost and I was like. Oh this is perfect and I was like an I have control of. Not fucking this up. Yeah all I gotTa do any time. It is offered just say no. I don't do that do that. You don't you don't super super super easy. Yeah I'm subs- on such a fuck and run like I've gotten I've got what like eighteen years under my belt but I've only been with. One person is fucking awesome. And she doesn't care that. I go to strip clubs and so like you go to stripped laptops. Leeann has could give two shits. Yeah I don't think she's fully aware of what happens in the lap dance but I think if she's fallen I'm like I've had a lap dancing. It is too much pretty aggressive. So uh this is called a lap dance you've called quits at this place in Cleveland Christie's and I was like okay. I think you're you're trying to get out of here. Is You know this is more than about money. This is worth of all. We went to the magic. Mike Show in Vegas with Calcium Delaney. And they were so into the. This is the best show. They've gone multiple times and I was like. They should let you sign. If you don't want this to happen to assault it's like it is I mean what I. I just didn't know what happened in there. I thought I thought have you been to the show? The Magic Mike. Show skipper day and it is literally painting their face with your cock. Yeah it is. But here's the thing magic. Mike is a show so I thought he was going to be like thunder from down under trials. Been too but from what I hear is like unless you get pulled up on stage. Nobody's coming into the crowd to get on top of you but it Magic Mike. They they make the rounds around the room. Oh my gosh they touch. Everybody and Judy got US good seats and Kelsey was getting married. So we're like we're just a lot of attention is coming into that box and I was like just the boxer sitting in and locks cialis shit. Vip Box but yeah. They're just they had to just watch me like tense up just like I didn't know I was like how do we is there? A section like. That's the opposite of the splash zone. Where can we go? Where's base because I'm this is not scribe? What do they just like grind on you and stuff like rub their dicks in your face there. I mean yeah. They're like on there. I don't that I would've been more comfortable with than like you are on top of me in a chair like breathing in my ear like that is so that is so much. But that's a guess what a lap dances. I don't know my I was not comfortable. The two lap dances. I've sure I've talked about these but the chances I've ever gotten recently we went at the end of this last tour. The end of the fall tour. I took my acts my opening acts that I had with me and our tour bus driver Ron my cousin Andrew. We went to a strip club and I was more. I had an epiphany one time in New Orleans where lap dances. Were twenty dollars and I took these kids. These kids that One of their dad's friends with one of their dads and they're all college kids. Okay and the college kids but friends with one of the kids dads and I took them all of this strip club with. I think my opening act in my tour manager at the time and I just took out two hundred dollars which my whole life has been a ton of money for at this point. I was like two hundred bucks. Dot Isn't going to break the bank account. Yeah took a two hundred bucks and I just kind of spread it around to all the str- the dancers and said Hey why don't you just hang out in this corner of these guys for the next couple of songs we'd like five girls no not going anywhere and it was funny shit and it was just like cool right so I so then we went to the Strip club with my all the guys this last time and I did the same thing and and and I took out some money and I said everyone just a good time and then they're like what about you and I was like you know it's kind of weird? Yeah laptops when you're Not Not famous but when people know you know who you are 'cause then take pictures of you sometimes it's like yeah and and there are people. We're taking pictures in this place and I was like I'm not gonNA get one. Yeah I got to lap dances night right. This was the best one talking to the owner of the place we just bullshitting and this girl comes up sick. Oh my God. She's in street clothes she goes. I'm such a huge fan of I'd known you were coming in. I would have asked to stay on for the rest of the shift was like. Oh sorry I go here. Let me How much you lap-dancing they said you know twenty bucks I said. Well here's twenty bucks per telephone. I gave you lap dance and she goes. I would love to give you a lap dance and I said Okay. I said tell you the only Latin. I've ever wanted my life and I've had a joke about this. I've had about this for so long. I feel like women. Strip clubs are not wearing enough clothes to make it sexy right. I WANNA see a woman get street closed naked like I want her to still have an indent where her belt was. I WANNA see your take socks off. I WANNA see her entire shoes entire shoe. Let's take a brawl off acre brawl. When you normally have sex with your wife. Yeah those are the things you see like there's still an indent from where Bella I wanNA fucking the middle of winter and she had a fucking winter coat on a scarf and a hat and I go start top to bottom and then she was like Don. She was laughing so hard throughout it. Yeah that the allure of the stripper right. The power of the stripper was subtracted. Yeah we were to humans in a room. It was the funniest fucking thing. She got to a certain place. She goes she goes. Oh my God my panties brought match and I was GonNa Room. We're out in the open. We're not a remote Saudi open. Yeah and and and it was so funny the she didn't even give me a lap dance. She's got halfway naked was like I can't fucking do this right and we both laughed hysterically. A bit sketch sketch. You acted out one of your bits in real life and then at the end of the night This this girl went. Give me a lap. Dance. I was sitting down talking to someone came over and said Hey our boss says if you'd be a lap dance and I was like Oh you don't have to that. She has act Kinda Standard the night. It's like okay and I kind of have to my boss. My boss told me to come over here. I'll just sit with you and I was like that's fine. I can also give you a lap dance and I was like okay go well. What are the rules she has? We'll I mean between me and you. There's no rules for you so I said excuse me so you can do anything and I went anything I want anything. So grab my phone and I face time my buddy cowhide and I go. Can he be left up your phone my phone and he didn't answer he didn't answer like if you're going to say no rules. I'm not thinking sex stuff all right. And how do I break a rule in a strip club and a facetime is definitely a rule breaker? Yeah but yeah. It was I guess grownup Florida to strip clubs. Were like kind of second nature to us right. Yeah where did you get a lap dance in the Strip club? I didn't I went to a magic. Mike Shot Dance on you. Yeah so would you be upset if SAM got to strip lap dance? I don't know. Would you sure we were all out? Bert? I think it would depend if he just went by himself. I think that'd be weird and I think I feel weird if if a boyfriend of mine went by himself if it was like a very very creepy. Yeah what did you do for lunch? He was like well lap dance and then grabbed a burger. And you're like wait. What he's a lap dance. Yeah that's weird to me like if you do in your on the road and nobody's with you and saying okay but if you're like at a Bachelor party that's like a different thing owner if I've ever done the Ghana. Go to LAPD just by yourself. I've ever done this. Yeah I think that's a weird move if you're I mean I don't know I shouldn't pass judgment on people's choices but if that would bother me if I was in a relationship with you and you went out and got a leptons alone if you guys are getting ready to go to bed. And he's like I'm going to run out real quick like it was. Cvs or something. I I'M GONNA go get some chapstick and just like a quick lap dancers like twenty minutes but yeah. I think a lot of people do like the Bachelor Party thing I mean. I definitely when we did that. Magic Mike thing that was like basically like a bachelorette thing for Kelsey and I told my boyfriend at the time I was like was that weird that I did that. It was comfortable and he was like well. It's too late now. Is kind of like what he said and I was like okay. Well I didn't enjoy it. If that makes you feel better you know like I you know. Leeann got left. Ansett Christina Brzezinski Bachelor Party. Yeah and she called me because they have a stripper here. I was going to get a lap dance. Are you cool with that and I was like? We're supposed to be calling each other unaware that no no no please by all means I was like. I don't think you're GONNA like it. Yeah what do you mean she goes I go I? I've seen liner with lap dances and I note a male advances because I was a male stripper for a day and I go. You will not enjoy it because I know you know what you enjoy. What brand friendly for you this is. It's not my magic. Mike Brand friendly for me. Oh I was like I don't care for this I'm I'm a madge. I'm always shocked at there. Are Women that are into that Nelson personally? I liked it there. Like like did not that different than a guy being into female strip. That's but I I think the the shift is in dies. Have a hard time. Getting girls always sort of goto place where that currency the currencies is even and and all you have to do is go. Hey and they go. Yeah whereas women they always can get any guy almost I mean. I don't think that's true. I don't think women can get any guy put but if but yeah guys. If you wanted have a guide rub his dick in your face. You probably wouldn't deal for the story. You stick without hitting one of those guys but like but guys to get a woman to do that is very. That's a tougher so like for a guy. That's like Kidney Candy store. A woman's like an adult and a candy store like well. Okay right that makes sense. I guess what makes sense? Yeah Yeah I don't know it's never been I feel like I can't even speak to it because it's just so not my thing that I worry about coming off rigid it's just for me. It makes me uncomfortable so I don't know yeah did it. Are there any jokes in this in this new special? Where you go where you're like. Oh I'm pushing pushing the boundaries for what? I like that Pushing the boundaries for what? I like jokes. Yeah Yeah I mean I don't know I do. I feel like it. It's I did take out. I I took out a joke that I'm still doing onstage. That's very much like this is what I like in bed because I didn't want. I Wou I didn't feel ready to have that out there yet. I feel comfortable knowing that. Like 'cause I've had you know people come up after shows did that joke and like make a callback joke to it you know when you say something onstage and then people go up and go out and go shit. Did I say that in front of you? I didn't want that in the special. I didn't feel ready for that. But everything else is like. I have sex jokes but I also have a bunch of jokes about being absent when I was younger. Like talk about misrepresenting yourself. There is a friend of mine who saw me a few years ago. Who Goes you have a lot of sex jokes now and I said not really interesting yet but I know you and I know how careful you are about that and how much of a relationship is usually the jobs that you're doing right now. Sound like you have a lot of casual sex and I was like. Oh okay interesting. There's just not who you are so I'm just saying you know that's how it comes across fucking Front Erica. Spirit Great New York comic and so I- added Erica's yeah. She's great she's fucking also he's fucking awesome. She's so great. Dr Timid a Erica. You want to come out on the road with me and tell me what I'm doing wrong. Honestly at Jesus Yeah. She was like the best note ever she was with me in the opposite was that you would tell me jokes. Were I would be nervous of Joe. You're like now. It's not as bad as you think. Yeah and you're like I actually. It's a good joke so it stick with it. Yeah you need people like that to be honest with you. Choke did that to me. The other day was jokes. Coming off rough right exactly and sometimes you just need to. Somebody else did that. Oh I did. I did some joke that I think I had to drop but or maybe I changed it to say like Oh. I wasn't like that cute growing up or something where I was doing. Some joke about like something my parents said about my looks when I was a kid and somebody said that. Were there like you're really like you're you're beautiful like people. Don't get that joke like you need to set that up better or something because people are going like no you're pretty and I think other people see you much more clearly than you see yourself so much of the time because all of us are just walking around like being the people we thought we were when we were twelve though he never got out of But yeah she made me like go back in this special. I think all those sex jokes I have. There's like one line. That was a riff on the road. That I ju- that just crushes and I thought was really funny it's a little dirtier than for me. It's not really who I am but I thought it was so funny that I kept it but there was another there was like another line in there. That was like a dirty line that Sam watched my our before I fell. He was like that. Seems like? It's funny. It's a funny line but it's just not really who you are and I thought that was true and I cut that one but there was another one. I felt that way about that. I was just kind of like this is just funny though. It's is obviously silly and a joke But yeah few years ago I would have never done that. And like the new. Our I'm doing now is very personal to the point where I'm like man. I I hope this special does well so that people coming out to see me know me well enough to think. This is all really great. I mean it's all working right now but I'd like to go even deeper with some of it and there's a certain I think you you can probably do that more easily. When everyone is a fan in the car even at the show like people coming out at those tapings those were like people who knew who I was and knew what they were signing up for which was Super Nice. I was less nervous to do that than I was to do. The fifteen minutes on the comedy. Of course right yeah. 'cause you're like oh. I'M GONNA go out on the stage for the first time I didn't pick any of this and then for your our you're like I've been I picked all of this. I picked my outfit. I picked the lighting. I picked the theater and like this is great. Who DIRECTED IT Marcus Roy. So he's done so many people's heated Whitney's. Oh Yeah Yeah I think he did. Sam's I won something central one. Yeah who's really great? It was really beautiful. It looks great. It looks really good. What's your favorite joke in? There was to joke. You're most proud of probably the one in the trailer. Did you watch the trailer and watch beginning trailer? I don't know if you ever saw it. It's joke about I mean should I do it or should I No no just tell me the joke telling jokes I can so I can witness it. And then go Co. That's the one that I'm proudest of the gob Stopper Joke Gov stopper joke and it's extra. Oh yeah but I think yeah one of my favorite jokes one of my favorite jokes. Here's ever was the putting a jacket over A. Yeah Yeah wearing a getting getting a twenty something guy to wear a condom is like trying to get a feel it little kid to wear a halloween. Put a jacket on over there Halloween costume. Yeah that's the one that gets quoted to me the most and that's the one that pissed my dad off the most he was like he told me he found it disturbing and he doesn't know. I'm doing out there and he doesn't WanNa know like us. I mean it was. It was rough as a rough conversation. He's like I don't understand why you needed to do that as I. That joke made me so much money. Do you know how many rooms that's got me into? Do you know like deals that. That's like that's I and there's no way to explain that you dad may not be the best judge of comedy right. Well he you know what your daughter talk about having sex I get it. I wonder if you would watch me and go now. That's what I'm talking about. I can't imagine would need. Yeah I don't know it was like doing oral sex. I think he'd like Sebastian. Oh everyone likes a everyone. I wanted you to the forum to see him. I did and I wasn't in town. Oh fucking yeah I want your stories those cool. That was so cool when he brought up. Judy I thought that was awesome. Never happening with me and I don't care how big I get that spotlight. Mind in the back. I Love Judy. She's like she really is the reason. My career is going as well as it is. I thank like Oh hold on. You're the reason your career is going as well as a team effort. But it's no it is you. It is you and judy would tell you that. Judy can't judy. Can give you direction an insight on where you're going and what to do and entrust me. I'm with her. I find very valuable. I was just sat in a meeting for fucking two hours with her where I thought to myself. I'm not listening but I don't really need to right now. Yes I know everyone else in the room is yeah and I was like all I like. I just have so much fucking plate right now that I'm like that I'm like I can't I can't handle all of it. Yeah and you trust in that moment. They she knows what she's doing. But you it's your your amazingly supremely-talented one of the most talented comics. I know and without without a doubt. I mean for Christ's sake. Our our friendship. Our branding was not meant to happen. Know someone like you is never supposed to be around someone like me and I fucking forced it because I was like she so fucking funny I want I do. I want to be around a great comic and I it's True. I is so funny I've had you and Sam on my podcast recently. More than anyone and I just I was like God damn it like I just was looking at it today and I was like like. I should've called SAM. I'd Samsung. I know he's got special out. Yeah I should get Sam on the. He's in he's in town a lot. This month is he did it. No I just mean he's out here a lot knees. Yeah he's on L. Ayla which in the beginning I was just like well. That will never happen because he doesn't love it out here. He's like so New York but he's Cuban out here most of this month really Yeah like he's got meetings all day today but I just you know I just saw him for like thirty minutes in between all our different stuff He's around he totally do it. Yeah have you watched especially yet? No cell started watching it the other night and then I was like I was like. Oh wait. This is the full special. Like I shouldn't do this on my phone audible. No yeah put on. Tv come into the man cave open a bottle of wine on the treadmill. Yeah maybe hit a joint. Yeah it's so good walked. Four miles walked five miles. Almost SAM special. Yeah it's like it's crazy. I mean I was like looking through the youtube comments. Because you can always go through someone else's instead of your own and It's just everyone's just like how the fuck like this guy is. Insane like normal getting the deserve some time ago. Yeah they've been they've the two of them are so incredibly talented that I think everyone knew it and saw it and tried to put them over and it just it just I dunno for for whatever reason it just happens when it happens. Yeah Yeah it's I mean. His writing is like so tight. It's crazy I mean I didn't have like I didn't know him at all but I knew he was a great comic. And so like getting getting those types of guys say like I watched your late night set and it was really great. Feels like better than anything? Wow Do you know your way into my bedroom. A comedy like my hair. Oh my Gosh But yeah like. He's so prolific in great and hard on himself which. I also like because. Oh I I wish I had the ego of those guys who are mediocre comics but feel like they destroy it all the time right like I'm like what the fuck I don't know how people are like I crushed and you're like did you. Have you ever for people who are successful? The believe they deserve it. Yeah Mike I wait. How do you not like I I? I'm consistently feeling like everything's going away to that. I need to work harder than the next guy and I'm just like I can't shut my brain off from comedy. I think about it. Twenty four hours a day. If you WANNA put me on door I go on tour in a fucking heartbeat. I can't I hate that. I call him for spots. I'm supposed to be spending time with my family. Then I go in. I work at the IMPROV store. And then and I'm like just slow the fuck down tonight. I'm not a this week. I'm not doing spots. That's Nice I'm not I think they can. How do you write when you're just onstage? Every single night like at a certain point that's not held of life. Yeah you have to have stuff to actually say and talk about and yeah I don't know I mean he and I were going to try to like we were like. Oh we'll take a vacation after Christmas and then we just ended up canceling it working. You want to go to Columbus Ohio where we were going to do something you know at this. Just we gotta work. We gotTA rate new jokes before I was just come out how much how much new material right now. I mean I have. I have an hour an hour. That's not the special. It's great yeah so I did that. I mean I started writing stuff before. Yeah might do something and then there was a out of fucking mind with your board and then there was like maybe ten to fifteen minutes of stuff because I didn't do In the special but I kept me like fifteen minutes. I'm like this stuff is good but I'm not doing it on this one that I then like either expanded upon or whatever and then I yeah everything else. I mean. I've been doing like I've been doing close to like an hour five on the road and doing like three minutes from the special that I'm probably GonNa do on late night to promote the special so I'm trying to keep that like fresh in my mind so I don't forget because everything else like I can't I can't even remember now like the old stuff the old stuff goes said to me. Can you do the zip-lining joke? Which done a million times? Yeah and I was like how does it start? Yeah and when in doubt spread amount ago? That's not how it starts. Yeah I go. How does it start someone? Dabney? They were yelling. The pajamas joke the other night. And so I was like I'll do it. I have no problem. I'm I I'll do overtime. I Nokia problems so I started pajamas. Joking on Mike. I don't I don't even know it starts. Wow like couldn't forget them so quickly you because you're so sick of it. Yeah and then and now I look at it and I was like. I wrote this our very very quick at this hour in I retire. I Demo special right for Thanksgiving. Yes December January. Yeah wrote this hour and it's but you started before he found the special stuff a lot of stuff that I hadn't that I had. I didn't some stuff I didn't put in the special some stuff I didn't know it was already written. I just had not worked it out. Stage and how much did you save? That was like these. Are Jokes that work? That are just not going in the special. But I'm GONNA stay for the next hour that weren't like things you wrote in the last four months One by one bit really. Yeah one bit and it's this Is it long? It's yeah they're all long. Some someone said to me the other day I was like I knew our Shane Torres as I technically a five jokes like technically one bit was this. It was just too much. I always think that you can I? I have a lot of rules about comedy in my with for me. One of them is once you start a subject subject finish subject. Don't stay too long on that subject and don't stay too long on that subject and tell the same story nine different ways. Yeah like so for for for me. I had this great story. That about taking care of the girls by myself But that story I believed should be that story and I was bleeding another story into it. 'cause I like the other story and I thought Nah I think I should just get rid of that story. Say that the next special and and just tell that story. Just finish that story and so I did that. I've done a lot. Were specially with Alex. I I would have so much material about her in Georgia Bit Stories about them but they're all the same story they're all like the story of them acting like idiots dahmer and the N. beano saving the day kind of thing. Yeah and so So you have one bit from. The old won that tender thing. I wrote a while back to throw that in this weekend. See if The ninth grade when you go back to their old stuff and you're like oh I can actually make that work. I eat some an Isam and he'd figure see what I'm bad at. What you and Salmon and Ralph. He was brilliant was Getting the most out of that joke like really making sure that you didn't leave any meat on the bones like getting it like I'm a plate spinner like spend plates and I let them they get to the place where I go once. It's up we're good. Yeah so I just get to the thing. I'm like all right. I got it next one like I am not good at like really sitting down and doing the long work I that ends up coming out. I end up doing that like a month out from the special. Oh interesting. They're like get all the fucking things I and then I will it down and then I go all right now. Let's fucking from it out. Yeah well I mean I had. I also had like maybe the roughest summer ever so when I broke off my engagement. It was a few weeks after I found out I got the special and that change of the special allot obviously from like the opening joke is I got engaged to now we re I restructured the whole thing in like July and I shot it in Novem first weekend November and then wrote. I had some jokes that I had written about being engaged that I had to just lose that I just lost it and have them anymore and then I had to write some new ones about calling off and then put that in the there. Were some jokes. I was doing for like a couple of months. That went in the hour That were not going to be there and then like I didn't do any jokes about him I do. I do jokes calling off my Gagarin. I have no jokes about my accident really at all. Yeah I didn't do any of those I did some on Conan while we were dating And they're good jokes and I they would have been in the special If we'd still been together but once we broke up I was like I. I don't think I could say like my ex did this. And that and maybe I bring them back at some point. Maybe a couple of them but like I don't know I feel I feel like those are Donald. They're out there somewhere it's fine. I have new jokes about that. I mean I have like I have a whole bid on couples therapy now like all this stuff. So it's definitely folk you worth it will. Congratulations thank you know. I'm here for Ya. I absolutely love you. I would do anything for you and one of my favorite comics to watch you really are. You always have been and I'm so excited for this special Wednesday theater tour Kerr whenever one are you are you have. They talked about it yet. They've talked about it and they See how this reception goes for the special. It's kind of. Yeah there's I'm I'm uncomfortable right now because it's a lot of people going like telling me what's probably going to happen and it's me going you guys. I don't know if I can deliver on that of done. Everything I can but it might not. I mean I was talking to you about this before. Like mine is coming out in between like it's like Pete Davidson me. Merrin you and Segarra like who else is coming out in March. I think delete Elliott like. Yeah so I'm like it's better people will binge-watch stand up specials and I'm like is that a thing they're like totally all right like I don't know no I think I think I personally I can watch a new special every single day. Yeah I mean but I'm you know I don't know what person can't enjoy a new laugh. I I will watch every single one of those ones you just said. Yeah and I'll find online that I haven't watched before and I'll watch and I'll get a giggle. Yeah like I I I'LL I. I love the math of it. I love the looking at it and seeing what people did differently and what they did. Oh that's an interesting outfit choice. Like Oh really gonNA talk about that. I you went from this bit and then you left it and then you tell another bit and you came back to that bit. Like that's interesting. I I have no problem watching comedy specials. Yeah studying them now. Yeah yeah well. It's it's like why wouldn't you you know it's like you're going to be a musician and not listen to other music. Yeah might as well might as well hear what's out there right. I and it goes back to the thing that we were saying earlier. Is that like I? Strive to write jokes. People aren't writing. I'M NOT GONNA. I'm not taking from anyone's material. Never do that. And I and I definitely wouldn't wouldn't even like I don't even think inspiration I get I'll tell you brazen the number one inspiration that I got out of all the specials. I watched probably one of my favorite jokes. Ever is Dave Chapelle kicker in the Posey right and yeah and I and I I will say that I drew direct inspiration from that joke and to the job that I am proudest of mine because I thought some tea. I really thought this I strove to do this and I hope I did this correctly or accurately you it. You can challenge yourself to write differently than you've ever written. Yeah Can Challenge Yourself. And if you're good enough you can pull it off. Yeah and that kick on the Pussy joke was such a funny. The meat of it was so funny and just him expressing that he acted like he. He's grew up in the hood he didn't grow up in the hood. You had a white friend is and the whole stove an incapable pussy. And then I I and I had a conversation with stanhope about stanhope was Having a cocktail writing a knock knock joke And he was like. Yeah it's Mean where's good as guys right. We should be able to do that. He Goes. Do you ever try to ride like a guy walks into a bar joke and I went no and then I went hold on now. I Bet I could. Yeah and so and by the way I didn't set out to write a joke but when that joke showed up and I saw the structure I went. Oh Oh Shit Oh shit I know though God and then that was the fucking. It was like it was like. That's the inspiration I draw I go. You're doing something out of the box. I'll tell you right now where my inspiration is and we talked about this my inspiration right now. I am not good at it and I'm not good at it because I fucked it up earlier and I thought it was so good at it that I needed to depart from. It was act outs yeah. I don't do act outs often right or don't do them well. I don't do them. I don't do them will right now. I have a joke unlit. I'd the first thing that popped in my head when you said that the zip-lining thing taken like that's a huge big act out. Nobody I have a bit right now. Where a great act out can drive this bit to the next level. And I'm like and so that's where I'm like and I I use burs example bill burr as consistently said. If you're not doing something new on your neck special if you're not trying something new or challenging yourself than you're doing the same special it'd last time and that is not an by the way. I'm trust me I'm terrified. People ARE GONNA. Watch my special and go go. Where's where's his machine story? How come he doesn't have a crazy machine story going like why isn't he doing the same thing over and over and over again and my thing my goal is? I think I got that in there but I think I got other stuff in there. That's also really really good that I don't normally do that. I think I did this better. I think it's in my wheelhouse but I think this is better version of burt. Yes and so. I think that's the we'll find out people either like it or not like it and then you go back to the drawing board diver. Tell you about the time. Yeah I have a new joker and my newest joke that I'm working on right. Now he's entirely enact out and every time it works. I did it in the. Or the other night worked literally said the audience. That's a new one and thank you so much for laughing at it because if you hadn't that is a big that's a big commitment. That could have gone real bad for me like if I if nobody likes it. I just saying part of the national anthem. You know like that's just like a very far to fall so I appreciate you coming with me on it And another I was Gonna say that another reason to watch the people specials besides just being inspired is like to make sure. You're not only of the same jokes I there's a certain period like a month. Stop watching everything is I was like. Hey if if you got the same joke I have. I don't WanNa know about it and I don't even want to fucking know about it. 'cause I will meltdown but I'd hope that Netflix would be give a heads up. I don't know I don't know that people would no. I don't think people would not the remember I think net flicks would be the people that watch them go. Hey Jesse No. I think the best people are other comics. Those the people who are most aware of what else is going on like if I have a judge on my computer. Anything like this past few comics. Cousteau Watch comedy because also if you run a passed a comic who doesn't watch comedy anymore. They won't necessarily know 'cause I think people have two approaches day. They're like watch a lot of comedy to make sure they're not stepping on any toes or at least like the big ones that come out or they don't watch any because they don't want to absorb anything and I feel like you kind of have to be in the middle because if you're not aware of what people are doing. I mean Whitney did a guest spot on one of my shows in DC less. You're like the night before hers because there was like a similar reference and I think Amy Schumer newest one and she's like I just need to change the wording right here and like that's just everyone's that careful now. Oh yeah and it was. The I wasn't even the same joke it was just a like I'm just going to change the reference so there's like no no similarity at all almost texted. Tell the other day about a joke. I wonder what the premise was. I just almost texted him of like. Hey Do you have any? You have your no I can't fucking find it Yeah I got some of these now that I read this. I'm like I don't know what I'm pushing away from. Joke about. Not Wanting to listen to the AM. She talks to me when I take chicks. I can't leave apparently shooting face like my listening face. All right the name your special quarter life crisis streaming on Netflix now Your on tour. This is coming out the where you first weekend of your special Hilarious IN CLEVELAND Wow great rate fucking clone. I guess one of the best in the world. Yeah they're awesome. Yeah and then we got after that After that cash I'd have to look honestly I don't know off the top of my head. I can love you serious. I don't own machine like me. I know I suck man. I'm like I think I'm in La Hoya that month which will be fun I'm pulling as I'm pulling up my view of my routing sheen throwing my fucking even all in there okay here. We GO MARCH HILARITY IN CLEVELAND. And then I'm at the comedy store in La Hoya. The nineteen th through the twenty. First Cement Tacoma Comedy Club. The Twenty Six th through the twenty eighth and then Albany Irvine Nashville. Dc in April. So funny when when you search you under On Google it says people also searched for. Do you know who who Elisa slesinger. Oh Yeah Nikki. Glaser Fred Savage. Oh I did a show with him. That's why I was on his show. What just happened I They cast me as his Co host Moses Storm. We're both on the CONAN Tour O. Spraying Sam Morale Mark. Norman and those are just call. Richards surprises really Michael Richards. Helping a bit bit and strong right. Congratulations thank you the best. I agree. Do this episode is brought to you by the machine.

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Taylor Tomlinson

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

2:30:42 hr | 1 year ago

Taylor Tomlinson

"You. With me. Where does this is Taylor Tomlinson? Who is incredible and hilarious actually think we should play. Some of her stand up at the end of the century. Let's play a little bit of her stand up to give you a flavor because I didn't really know much else other than her stand up before this conversation. But it was incredible. I was blown away. And we talk a lot about it. And we have very similar upbringings. And that as as you know, is always really really fun for me. So we'll we'll play a little bit over Conan's that at the end of this intro here couple things. Plug not much April twenty fifth is my next living at Largo and may twenty third. I'm doing a live show at Largo me and rob Dell in conversation talking about comedy sex God my book, so it's called comedy sex. God live in conversation with rob bell. That's on may twenty third for tickets to either of those if you're going to be in the LA area, go to El Largo dash, LA dot com. Tom hope you can come. And I believe the ticket for the book show include the book, so that'll be fun assigned book for outside him afterwards. They'll be some signing if you want to come and get a book sign, and if you're not going to be in the LA area as I've been mentioning it would mean so much if you guys would preorder my book comedy sex, God, obviously, the name of the are the three topics that we traditionally tougher on this podcast. So I like to think of the book is as an extension of this show, but their stuff in the book that I've never shared on the podcast, which wasn't easy to do. I had to dig deep, but it's in there was sort of some of it was more appropriate for the print. And then some of it will obviously be familiar because if you listen to you know, me pretty well. But it something I'm very very proud of. And if you want go to Amazon or good Harper wave dot com slash Pete, Holmes and pre- preordained or it'll be out may fourteenth. And you could buy it and have it. That's yeah. That's it Largo shows and the book, and I do want to give a shoutout to our pizza picks this week could Chavda which just had for dinner catava is a you guys. Now, could you oughta? Pete's picks. Our products that I actually use every single day, or at least almost every single day that have made my life better, their honest. I'm being honest, honest. They're not just random products that I sponsor they're real things that I use in love when like found something I loved it. I reached out to the company to see if they'd give a promo code for you guys and travaux of lives. And I'm so glad they did. Because I want you guys to try. It is a plant based SuperFood drink mix. Born in the jungle on a trip that these guys went on to find the most exotic nutrient rich superfoods revered by tribal cultures for centuries by tribal centuries for cultures. It's basically a meal in a pill keeps you full for hours and hours. It tastes great. It's one hundred percent plant based it's got omega threes from Chia and flax seeds. It's got eight superfoods got seventeen greens and veggies. It's gluten free. Roy free and free of artificial sweeteners and preservatives got digestive support built right in twenty four grams plant based protein nine grams of fiber, but here's the best part. It's actually the Lucious. It's got coconut milk in it. So it's creaming Scott coconut nectar in it. So it's just the right amount of sweet I like making it would just water when I'm on the road or in a pinch and need a meal, that's nutritious and delicious in in in a matter of minutes in it in a matter of minute. Sometimes I make it with almond milk and strawberries comes out tasting like strawberry ice cream chocolate strawberry ice cream. But the best part is it makes me feel amazing has got rock a cow, and there has got Maca root, which is wonderful for energy and has other benefits if you wanna Google MAC or MAC route benefits. That's that's worth getting some challenges for that. It's incredible. I got it at my smoothies turns out it is movie just to to. Coupes of it. I get the chocolate vanilla I like to make one that tastes like Oreo just in water shake it up Bill replacement wonderful in in in a pill. But it's this movie. Get twenty percent off go to Khachadpai K C H A V A dot com slash weird for twenty percent off. And you'll show your support of this podcast, the other one the original my first and true. Love of the beats begs is Charlotte's web ham, boil Charlotte's web hemp oil, it's hard to describe which is why I always tell people just try it. And we have a promo code for you to give it a try. It's hemp oil, which means it made from the hemp plant, but his legal off fifty states because it's not an intoxicant. It doesn't get you stoned like smoking or eating pot does because they use science sites to remove the THC and leave. That was a scary voice. It was supposed to be Batman to leave this body and brain beneficial CBD, Google CBD. Now, you could get other types. Of CD, obviously, CD's very popular right now. But the Stanley brothers is a reputable and unbelievable company. They didn't episode of this podcast. It's the only hemp grown in this country for human consumption. So yes, you can get other hemp oils, but you don't know their purity, you don't know their quality. And he don't know the intent the plant was grown with this made for human consumption. It's not this pile is going to be ropes. And this is going to be eaten by humans. It's all for human consumption. It's food grade and wonderfully handled they made it to help a young girl named Charlotte with seizures and CBD was the only thing that helped her for me personally, it helps me with anxiety and stress as wonderful. Hi, guys, as they wonderful mood elevating. Hi, baby. Oh my God. You have a mood. Elevating quality say anything, would you? People right now, I'll tell baby about CBD twelve. It's wonderful things -iety helps you asleep. They have wonderful women's to that have have been them that you rub on sore muscles. I put on my forehead when I have a headache. And it just gets that plant ally. Goodness in you it like I said, it's not an intoxicant doesn't take you out of it. In fact, it helps me work helps me focus, but takes that edge off and a healthy and productive way. The best way to get a sense for us to try it. I get the everyday advancement. Chocolate flavor tastes like offen- mint. Makes you feel even better. And all you gotta do is go to CW ham dot com slash weird use promo code keep it crispy. And you'll get ten percent off your order, try some of the bombs. They're incredible wonderful topical treatment. Or try some of the everyday Vance. It's a little bit more expensive. But you can literally just take drops of. So a bottle of it will last you months and months, I love it is where whereby please get a pizza picture. Your support of the podcast hope to see you in April for my stand up show at Largo or in may from my book show at Largo with rob please order comedy sex. God if you nasty you can pre-order Amazon and in the meantime, enjoy my chat with the wonderful, Taylor Tomlinson. That's a little bit of her Santa peer and we'll roll right into the episode Val. Really? Real okay. Where the people. I love my parents because I am an adult. I'm grown up. Yeah. I have friends grown up men and women who say things like, oh, I hate my mother. I'm like, what are you for? Nobody got enough hugs hugs yourself walk it off people who hate their parents have unrealistic standards. They think parents were these superior beings, and they're not they're just people who suck like the rest of us. That's how we should introduce them. Just like these are my people. Rhonda, Tim, they do what they can. Set the bar low. Have you guys realize your parents messed you up yet? Yeah. You find stray dent in your head. You're like what happened there? We did our best. That's what happened there you were slippery. So. Have you guys that this is a dolts where you realize your parents messed you up based on how other people react to stories about your childhood stories. You thought were fine. Because when you're a kid, you're stupid. You're dislike everybody gets tad in the yard. Fast forward. Ten years to barbecue. Evans going around. Swap stories like my mom was crazy. She's a mega Stig our shoes off in the house. And you're like, I know we muzzles at night. Put I've been whatever get sad. Parents are cool the very religious. That's how I was raised. I'm not super religious anymore. I still believe in God. I think as I've invested so much time into the idea. Yeah. Because if there's no God, then I told the wind a lot of secrets. My dad's very conservative. He still thinks gay people shouldn't be allowed to get married, which I know you ever hear older people say stuff, and you're like someone missed a software update. That's not. Can't just say that anymore out loud. We're gonna target. It's crazy. He taught show choir for ten years in the whole time. He was like homosexuality is a sin and we're like without homosexuality. You would not have a job. Sparkley teens put food on our table. Don't bite the jazz hand that feeds you. Growing up. He encouraged me to abstain from drugs and alcohol and sex enjoyment. And I really took all of that to heart. Even today. I'm as an adult very sexually conservative not that I'm bad at sex. Okay. I'll you know in bed. I am a wild animal. Yeah. Way more afraid of you than you are of me. Absent ultra high school didn't need to be no trying to get in. Here. Didn't need to lock the door known even jiggle the handle as it turns out, but I signed the papers and people don't realize scary. It is being absent team girl because friends of mine it'd be like kind of the month, I'm pregnant, I'm as my time in the month. I was like, oh, no, I'm carrying the messiah. A lot of pressure. I don't know any carpenters. But it's so easy to mess. Kids. I've water spec for parents even babysitting. I babysat for a friend of mine. I was so nervous about it. I don't wanna mess kit up. So it's like I'm just gonna put on a movie, I'm not gonna talk to it and everything will be fine. So I put on a fairytale Princess movie little girl, she's four adorable. She comes running up to me, twenty minutes into the movie and goes Taylor, lesbian. Love feel like. Right. Like what how do you? Explain love to a child that young. How do you begin to explain romance and dating and courtship? You know, it's complicated. There's an app, and you gotta downloaded and swipe. A little bit Florida resume take a picture from up here. I guess a whole thing. What I wanted to be honest. So I thought about it carefully. I'm like, what is being feel like that similar something she's done, and I went, okay? Do you? Remember when you got lost at the grocery store. That was scary. Right. But then do you? Remember, the feeling when you finally found your mom, how safe and happy and relieved you'll were and how you ran up to her, and you grabbed her leg, and then you looked up, and it wasn't your mom. That's kind of what it's like out here. No, you think, you know, agai turns to some stranger with your mom's knees trusts. No once white left. We're just getting back from a little trip. Is that right? Plus we had to leave and we did push. It. You guys moved it. You can it's your choice on the phones. I would say ninety five percent where them I can't remember the last guest that didn't wear them. I'm definitely going to wear them. I never remember to do this. So I'm going to do it. I'm to set we're we're recording. Oh, that's because I brought it. We set goals. They wanted to do it not on a computer. So you could toss them into the ocean you ever set a goal that really what you did. We didn't ask them into the ocean. No we did. We did have been so romantic. Yeah. But I actually considered it because. You know, sometimes external symbols or doing things like that. Make you remember like my goal. But like it seems like you're throwing them away. Oh, you know what? I mean. You can't burn your goals. You can't toss them in the drink burning. Always seemed weird to me throwing into the ocean. I mean, besides like the pollution stuff like it's it's kind of like releasing it like here universe. What I would like well Chit? Yeah. Burning seems destructive catch it. I talked to the university for you said catch it, really funny. Do you wanna blanket, by the way, there's a blanket here? Thank you, go. I wish it was cold. So I. Give it time you might just chill down. I don't know what I mean by that. But I might take my shoes off that's not to you can sit cross legged as I am. I don't want to be the only one wearing shoes that feels strange katie's wearing shoes. Oh, that's true. You just made the only shoes. I've told this story now I've tried to tell the story late night about a guy who I was on a plane, and he fell he was a real monster. The here's the parts. I usually leave out of the story was that it was first class which was new for me. It's like HBO thing. So they've Leumi first class, but I'm flying out to shoot crashing. So I'm trying to be healthy. This is boring. It's not. This story just hand way through here. Like, you know, what abort actually this story hour, and here she would say I often in the middle of a story go this is boring. And he's my way of going is this boring. But I'm realizing the reason I dropped those details like I was flying to film crashing so trying to not look puffy. That's stupa. Okay. Just overly puffy. I am puffy, but I don't wanna look overly puffy. So like, I was declining all the alcohol and ice cream that they offer and that have you ever flown first class. I have not I don't wanna get like we did because I did the Conan tour, and we thrive it, and I was like I never I don't want to breathe all that's what I call Conan is breezy. I'm not close enough to Conan on them the breeze. If you got on the res honored, it's one of the greatest achievements in my life that he would know it was me. I'd say did you get that from because I'm the I'm trying to get going that we call. Mm cohn's easel breezy. So every time I do it. I always open by saying cones. He though breezy as I live and breathe not catching on flu. Private. We we were on a private plane which like we were well we were talking about we're like what is your plane? Right. And he was like, no he's like business class, and we're like you fly business class. And that's when I was like, well, Conan flies business class. Then that's that's that's far as I'm going to go. Well, this is first class. Yeah. That's true. I get well. There's these are these are murky waters. Yeah. Nobody nobody cares about this is getting. This is bad. So I was flying. But what's the difference? Would you? I I mean, really Bret Easton novel to people that are going to be murdered talking up the difference between business this is how you get people involved at you. Go hop on Instagram and way in this first. You said you woman of the people ever told you that. No, I that's why it's important to know that it was a new thing for me, and they kept offering ice cream booze. And I was trying to be good. And that's like a unique either athletes probably know that feeling and then vein idiot actors like myself that are like I were about to shoot. I don't wanna look puffy. Yeah. That's they were trying to sabotage you with booze an ice cream north ranger's game style feeling. Have a look about my ground as he is spirit that he's gonna chase me with or got to be a weapon that gives them. A slight handicap do they always offer you boozing ice cream? Push it on you. Okay. All right. I'm happy that we're talking about this because it's still a relatively new experience for me, and certainly for Val. There's nothing more fun. You just met Val. God. There's nothing more fun than doing fancy things with Val because she really appreciates them. Whereas like Cal showbiz jerks by the time they've earned a first class flight from some network. Maybe they don't appreciate it as much as just the wide open heart. Beautiful nessa. Valerie. So she loves it. She'll get the ice cream. She'll have the champagne and she's just like dying. That's really. Yeah. I can't. I mean, I met her very briefly just now, but I can't imagine her sitting down in first class. Like 'bout time. It's. Go biz people can pick up on a frequency coming from. Valerie. And it's just that like whatever it is. It's like entitled or nurses cystic or sort of toxic than might may or may not be lurking and all of us. This is not a TV show. So my cringe faces communicating she just doesn't have that. And a lot of the more in tune comedians can pick up on that is that she is just sort of like a fun present person that really is like look at how many movies there are she's not an idiot. But she's like she likes it. Yeah. Sitting there going like. What am I gonna open with or whatever it might be? And she she's really there and people. So we really appreciate that. So I business is very similar. So I'm calling bullshit on Conan's false. Humility is business classes still very plus you six-foot five I mean, come on. Yeah. You know, what I mean for the very tall. It's it's coach it's coach with ice cream. I've seen valid coach seat. She looks fine. I feel like coach seats vary. A lot though. I mean, I get on some delta flights. This is great. And then I get on other ones where I'm like what happened today. Oversell it. Then the land extra row. That's why like southwest because it's always the same. That's true. It's always mediocre. It's like Little Caesars pizza this guy. That's exactly what it is. I've been in the plains where the row feels like they're hiding you for a magic trick. Surely, some sort of fake wall goes in front of and we reveal the pilot because he loves a good allusion. But I know exactly the planes. You're talking about act delta, delta sponsor. That would be so cool fun to Jesus. I mean, I don't to be really hooking. I should find delta C. Delta will sponsor why not good. Yeah. Yeah. Do they advertise? Do TV I feel. It would be a good move. Because anytime I see comedians posting about an airline. It's never like always waiting to go. Yeah. Yeah. It's always like we should do that. We should fire off a few like, hey, this is a great plain hashtag delta because it's always complaining. Yeah. It's always somebody delay. Yeah. It's like I wanna be like ancient Greece and be like the gods of wind and hail delayed your plight your plight. Your that's better was better plight goes with God's of wind. Inhale more does like, yeah. You didn't in the engine Greek goes, you didn't take a flight took a plate. That's because it was on some sort of, you know, weird Michaelangelo things, I know these are different type yards. Anyway. What are we say? Oh, I know the flights you're on because there are some newer delta flights that you're like, oh, everyone's a winner. Yeah. And you fly coaching. You're like this is the best flight experience of my life. And then you don't know what they're doing and first class. Everyone gets their own hot seriously filled with does your body temperature ahead of time. So that we can have your seat fired up for you all the people that can afford first class. It's all like fifty four degrees. Because they're all Mr Bernie, lizard people. Oh my God. I did Larry podcasts, and he did this podcast, and I didn't. But I was tempted ask him if he's aware of the conspiracy theory that he's a lizard person. You didn't ask he just so clearly not a lizard. The need him. It seemed so stupid like I love good conspiracy. Video with the Donnie Darko soundtrack like. Yeah. I think it's kind of sad and zooming in on his lizard lips or something. And you're just like I like this. But then you meet the person I like it for novelty for entertainment, and then when you're sitting with him, he's just so Brooklyn. He's just like I'm getting to then I had a Nathan's hot dog for lunch. And you're like, that's no lizard, still ask him if he's aware of the conspiracy about this. I thought about it. He only gave me an hour. We did the two you'll see around ninety minutes. I'm going to be like Taylor. Are you a lizard person? Yeah. All right. Well, I'll start using my answer for that. Because you are. And you wanna see start flying first class in your fifty four hot. So anyway, I was declining everything and the guy next to me was taking everything, and I like sort of a rationally started hating him because he was like, oh just really enjoying the ice cream that I wanted to eat is having like nine cocktails before. Even took off. And then he was watching rampage and then he fell asleep. It's the happy person I've ever heard. That's it. I was envious of free. He was and they're going and he was free. And then he reclined before take off. You're not supposed to do that fell asleep. Pause. The movie in the mid air. He wakes up like like like apnea like. And stayed reclining. An unpunished the movie with a socked foot. That's all I wanted to. I was like we can crash I'll happily die to take out. Did you just wanna lean over to them? And be like you've never been on camera. Have you? That's why I'm making the choices. I'm making my God. You're off camera. You referred of people. Now just on hero. I wasn't. It's funny that you said, I did a commercial shoot forgetting his name. It doesn't matter. We kept. We thought it was so funny because it was just me and this other guy in the commercials, and we have going on camera off camera. And now that I say it probably wasn't a great bit for everyone that we said it. But it sounds like a great bit. If you were one of the two of you. Yeah. It was great. Yeah. For that audience. Yeah. Here's what I never remember to do. First of all, we never we've never met. We have never met him just year Marin, I mean. I thought it was great. It was nice and punchy. Why does this? Oh, yeah. Hot beginning hot beginning. You want start with like, so no who are you? Now, your parents were religious earn it. Let's let's saving private Ryan that that's do you get that ref. Sort of it is from saving prime Ryan. And I haven't seen. I haven't seen in a long time yet. It's not something. I would have referenced the fact that you did I'm like, oh, I know what you're talking about. But I wouldn't have gone out on a limb. It's like multiple choice you can recognize the, but you couldn't have filled it in if it was just blank, right exactly here. But you're held I'm twenty five the only reason I asked well, first of all that's interesting. And because you're young for your. For how far you made it. But also because you make and get references 'cause I'm thirty nine and I noticed this is what I meant as you're so funny. That's all right. Thank you. That's very nice. Yeah. I found out about you from run funches. Yeah. Central's? Yes. It'd be great. If I was like who. Oh now that you I private this. Here's what's so funny about this is very surreal for me doing this podcast because this podcast came out when I was seventeen. Okay. Yep. Yup. I was about eighteen and I was. On. I took a modern Turkey. And I was still a very religious at the time. And I had just started doing stand up in churches. No airport. Yup. The year before there's probably and so you were like the first comic that I this podcast was like so important to me because I was like oh my gosh. It's somebody who's like Christian and like struggling with it and comedian and like in the club like you weren't like a church comic was very much in like cr- like Christian comedy. Like, you really did it. Oh, yeah. Like, I went to the Christian comedy association conference. You sure times writing stiff? Making it up. That's true. We did our research, but that would have been very valuable, right? You really did it the Christian. Yeah. Christian comedy association conference. Yep. It's like an ACA. It's like it's sort of like an echo, but can't get as much work from it. So yeah, no. I was super I took. I took a comedy class with my dad when I was sixteen. He also took it. He it was his idea. He was like I'm really want to me. You would probably really like my dad would love you. My daddy used said that your dad's not into gay marriage. So there's yeah, there's my dad's very charming and like where sings. You know, I mean in the country in the country. He's like he's into Mexico like he's two hours from here. Okay. Yeah. And that's where you're from the. Yes. Kind of where I grew up. I was up in northern California till I was ten and then okay. What what's your is? Were were you a part of I went to a center point in our area which used to be lamps fellowship? And then they change center point once they like leveled up and like built a better building. And now, it's like pretty big centerpoint. Yeah. It started off in like a started off in like a like a shopping center almost a shopping. It wasn't shopping center. Actually, I said almost it was a shopping centre. Yeah. I don't know why. Yeah. You wanna make it better? But it was a little trying to make a comedy club that they sometimes have next to the colts on creamery. Yes. And that was the church and it was called lambs lambs fellowship. And now, it's centerpoint it's much. It's much bigger. Centerpoint sounds like a pretty like NFA church folk. Fellowships aiding and went back there for Christmas with my crates sound. Great sound. Yeah. Great band. That's like with a is there plexiglass around the drummer? Yeah. There is I think he might have like a lid on it. Oh, yeah. Sure. 'cause it lit or. No. That is so funny. We know all the same praise music. We've absolutely do. Unbelievable. Although when I for crashing this sees we had a worship team. There was actually I wonder if you can relate to this. And maybe you will later or maybe already have just ask the question 'cause I asked a friend of mine a Christian friend of mine to be the the worship team in crashing. I thought it was like amazing moment. I was like we're rebuilding my church that I grew up in like, we're recreating it for the show, and I want I don't want to do like a fake worship team. And I know you love the show like we've been in touch a little bit that you love the show. And I think it would be so cool like this little. Easter egg for like fifteen hundred people total possibly get my school is very small. But that means like ten people would get it. But give give me a CAC to have my actual friends and a real worship team be the worship team instead of actors. Yeah. And they said, no, right. But he said, no, no. What do you know who rob L is? I bet you the idea I told rob that story, and you know, what he said he's had. What am I? And you know, what he said said he quoted the Jesus the bible verse. Some when I was hungry. You didn't give me food. When I was naked. You didn't give me close. Remember, he says that to the disciples? So the cycles are like when were you hungry, and when we're unique, and and Jesus basically saying everybody that you don't help as me that you're not helping and so rob was like kind of righteously angry that my friends liked the show, but wouldn't defile themselves right HBO show. At naughty words, and sex tough thing is like if they were like, I don't watch the show. They're like we can't watch it because it's not appropriate. I don't want that like that would be one thing. But to watch it and be like, no, thanks, right. That's yeah. And it wasn't like the plot was them like like curb your enthusiasm, and I fall in the baptism all. And. Right. You know what? I mean. I poop a little bit. And like disgracing, the I told them I was like, it's just I guess it did hurt my feelings. Now that we're on bagging it. I did think it hurt my feelings a little bit. But we knew the worship I'm a little scattered today. So help me at what were you saying? Dad? My dad wanted to take a stand up comedy class. So we took it like it was like forty five minute drive from our house, and we took it from Christian comedian in a in a church. It was his name. His name's Nazareth. I'm sorry. That's his real name. Isn't it uses of? Yup. His news as earth. His first name is Nazareth. He was named house Ruth. Yeah. So stage name, I don't think. So I don't think so. Yeah, I think he was named Nazareth Nazareth's. Yeah. This is name. And you can go see him. I don't mean to shit on Nazareth's. But of all the things Jesus did is where he's from the most. Yeah. Be like your name is size twelve because that's the sandal. He war, right. Yeah. I get it. Okay. Nazereth? He apso. He taught the class funny. I can't I think so. Yeah. I mean in the class you mean. Yeah. Just in general like a funny teacher. Yeah. I mean, he he liked taught us all the stuff those books would you like like Judy Carter? Totally did you and it was just the same exercise of right down a bunch of things that annoy you a bunch things that make you angry much things, you think are stupid, which is helpful helpful. But it was like me and lake basically house me and my dad, and like five other middle-age people, and one of whom was a woman from our church who was a retired schoolteacher who I think told him about it. But my dad was kind of like we'll hang out before you graduate next year. And also, I'm funny and you're a writer, and you can write like spend time with his yet. Or he wanted to hang up your debt. It's really sweet as Christian folks, or whatever we are now Christ leading spiritual prison, doesn't it sort of break, your heart a little bit that some like, we know a type of love that can be like your dad does sound, and maybe he has some views that we don't agree with. You know, what I mean like it's type of love that. You don't see everywhere usually somebody would be like, well, that's dealbreaker. And I'm out. Out, but I have people in my life where I'm like, I know like your wonderful joke. You're so funny. I should open with that more and more. So you feel welcomed and appreciated, but like you're so funny. You talk about like, some grownups just didn't get the software update. But that's a very evolved joke. It's just like it is it's like a little bit like a technology becoming out of date. Bill Burr has that amazing bit about like I thought I was being a good boy like your dad is kind of reflecting views that he thought made him a good boy made him like made him more loving more in more. Right. You know what? I mean. And we're like no you didn't get the update. But he's he's like a Newton your dad's an apple Newton. Yeah. The first tablet. Yes, he's we're we're high pads and your dad's Newton, but we're trying like I think I know that complicated feeling not we're not throwing your debt under. No, absolutely. I mean that's been and he and I have had like an interesting over the last couple years. A lot of stuff happened in my career, and I stopped doing churches a few years ago. Like put like a hard kind of took a hard stance on it. Because I just couldn't I just couldn't be thing. All the time. I couldn't even say an atheist at Christmas like things like, oh, yeah. I used to open for a really big comic. And they fired me and a big church comic. And they fired me which like, I don't wait why they're not bad for a tweet. I made which was a joke for my Coenen set the joke about I'm a wild animal in bed more afraid of you than you are of me. I tweeted that by the way, which is a new Endo. I love it. Going anyone enters a compliment in the oven. When your thank you. Thank you. We'll end the this comics. Brother and manager called me. It was just like, hey, like, you know, we have kids in our audience, and we just think we should take you off the dates for the spring because you know, you're you tweeted this. And when did you fade me? Get robs. I totally got it. But like I'm also like I'm a good kid. You know, like, I I am a straight a student with clean urine. Like, I have never been fired from anything. So I just got off the phone like cried. And then afterward. I was like I have never doing this again. I'm never going to perform a place where I feel like I'm tricking people. Like, I remember once there was somebody in that comics audience who found a video of me that like flappers posted without me saying I could saying they could have all I said was like, oh, you know, when someone's going to be a dick and somebody sent the link to them it was like is this the kind of comedy you guys support. These are the openers you take on the and I was like, oh my God. I can't I can't be. I can't be disappointing room full of my parents every weekend. Like, that's how it's always like that feeling of like being afraid to say the wrong thing that I think everybody feels on the internet now like that how Christians of. Feld her whole life. Yeah. Exactly. I've been trying to do it on stage doesn't it hasn't worked where I'm like we're so ahead of you guys with the offended game. Like, you're offended by Kevin Hart, saying like like legitimately offensive things. I know he apologized. But like, I you guys are so behind us when it comes to what offends us see. I can't I can't quite articulate it. You guys are real new to the outrage game. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. And then somebody like scouring, and let's not even get on a tear about just like the one place that should be right. You know, what you mean like unconditional love that's what I think Jesus was about. And I'm just like, it sucks that it's been turned into this like self. We'll get into the gut stuff later. I don't know to frontload. I love talking about it. But I it's nicer because it's so heavy don't wanna get on a chair. I just know exactly what you're talking about. And that and that really does break my heart that the one place. That's like we should be one of my big things. Like, why can't passers talk about their doubt or their luster year their shame, and we're seeing a little bit of change in that regard. We are seeing some progressive passers that are doing that was just like what what and the compliment that was in the oven was when you did that joke. More frayed of you than you are of me or more. Yeah. I said out loud. That's an amazing job came out as words. Instead of laughter. I just went. That's an amazing joke. It's an amazing job. Thank you also killed in your late nights. That in a way that no one kills in their late nights. It's like people some people can do it like a like a batting cage. It's like every joke is a ball and you hit it. But it's very hard to hit the ball. And then run up to where the ball is a head of you hit it again, get on a roll as based thank you. So you're actually like rolling when you're talking about the ugly babies and the yolk being runny and stuff you're on a roll that usually only happens in clubs like in real comedy places. And you're doing it for a clock in a on a studio for people who maybe already watching Allen taping. Right. You know what I mean? And like we're there for Conan. And I always say that when you do late night, you're like a weird news foreign cell in the body and the crowd, or like, the white blood cells that attack it like they want to clean it out. It's really hard for them to give thirty two enough. Other host base like high. Now, I'm standing where he was doing a monologue. And there's this resistance, and you brought it to and it's because of jokes are so perfect and your voices so clear, and it's weird that you're twenty-five. But let's not be just, but it's remarkable. Thank you started. So young let's keep going in order are sixteen and you're getting fired. But let's start to how you got that, Tori. I'm very interested. Okay. And how was your dad in the class and was Nassar? So many questions. Well. Take anyone you want. So so that's how I got into the class. It's very sweet that you're dead. It's very sweet. Yeah. I mean, it was like a forty five minute drive. And he I think was most excited about like talking in the car on the wheel. That's really sweet. Are you only know three sisters here? The oldest oldest. Yeah. It was like I'm going to do it. Right. Yeah. Set a precedent for the others. You see how close I am Taylor. Yeah. Okay. Well, it's so I mean melting we still talk about it. Sometimes we have you know, where I mean, they came when I did the tonight show. Over the summer. And he was like who knew like when I said, let's take this class that this is going to be. He's like, I think you were going to be a comedian like neither did I like it was not at all something. I was like, I didn't know I didn't even know you could be a comedian. So well, you didn't have it modeled around you, you know, comedian. But he said you were a writer you liked riding. Like I wanted to be like an adult adult young, adult, novelist. Like, that's what I wanted to do when I was a kid because that's what you liked because that's what I liked. Yeah. I was funny. This seems like a thought out of your head because you have this really nice perspective on like youth, even as you're going through it like you have that thing about like you have to earn an autobiography, which is so great. I also really appreciated that you called it a memoir memoir memoir. And then at the end, he's got earn your auto biography. Those language flips and saving autobiography for the end is so such a primal like on the animal level human beings, like the joke's over. I mean, it's like a mirror glaze on the cake you save auto biogra-. It's such a pro move. I'm sorry. I just watched it. And I don't really even know you and I was just like holy shit. I'm having a great person, my guess, and I didn't even know your religious is blind wreck. I will come in. And you're just like I didn't expect you to even have watched my stuff. I sure did. There was so much good seven there. So you wanted to right. Oh, and this is the thought that seems like it's out of your head is like I remember being in high school and even college and being like everybody wants to be a teacher at some point. Because that's all we know. Yeah. Nobody knows to go. It's just because that's what I know. Tony mean? Yeah. But like even like, of course, when I fired my teachers, I wanted to be a teacher when I admired my pastor. I wanted to be a pastor. And then I started like meeting other comedians, and I was like, ooh. A new challenge entered? Yes. So stupid. It's okay to be stupid. And just be like, we're just mimicking what what's available to us. But there might be something. That's perfect for you that it hasn't been made available. So you wanted to be a writer. I wanna be right or you weren't writing then. Yeah. In high school. I was like I did creative writing and excelled. I think so any is pretty good writer. I mean, I was good at math or science terrible that stuff, but I could write an essay very easily. And so I took this class with my dead Nassour start having me open for him, or he'll send me to go do churches that like which so you wrote in the class, you wrote stayed up. Yeah. You did it for the class. I did. Yeah. We did it for the class every week. It was like six to eight weeks or something. And so you'd come in every week and do more material. Yeah. And your dad's up there. Yeah. My dad did material to like, I don't remember. I think some of it was about some of it was probably about raising us buying ninety. Maybe did he do stuff about my tampons? I can't remember his daughter. Yeah. I think maybe. But I can't really remember an I don't think he could either. How badly would you like that tape though, so badly we did because we did like a graduation show, which they let me do fifteen minutes at which is ridiculous. And and all, you know, all all our friends and family. So it's the most the safest place that you could start. And then later, it looks like the worst place, but when you're starting and safest and best place. Oh, totally. And then after the class Nasr with had me like stir opening for him. And like I mean doing like, these huge churches like five hundred people, and I've been on stage less than ten times. Just crazy. So you had you were doing well in the class though. I was doing well in the class. Yeah. And I did like. The bits. Oh, yeah. Took it real serious. Yeah. And did you know you're like, I'm the best one in this class? I don't remember not in a cocky, wages. I mean, like it's just kind of objective where you're like. Was there a feeling like did they make you go last? They did make me go time. Yeah. Time super young. Yeah. And they're all like middle age weirdos. And then you're shining, and you're doing great can I also say that your dad doing stand up is also very moving and probably why he understands now if you're being a little bit cheeky in your material because if he did do stuff about buying tampons for his daughters that's a little bit cheeky like whenever a pastor has a gay child you see their feelings about homosexuality shift. You know, what I mean, it's a little bit like Dick Cheney ish just sort of like, oh, well now, it's come home to roost, and I see that not in my own church. But you'd hear other passers something would happen, and it makes it real. So I wonder if it helped him empathize with you that he tried it. I mean, I don't know. He, and I are kind of we're we're navigating the waters of my career, right? I mean like he wasn't super happy with me after that Conan's set. And I and I had run the jokes by him beforehand. It said like, yeah, that's fine. That is how I feel and then I did them on Conan. He was really proud for like two days. And then he called me, and he was really upset because you say that he's not into the software update. Yeah. Okay. Because I was mocking him for his beliefs, which are, you know? Anti gay. Yup. And that he thought that was that was very unfair. And I was like why brand the jokes by you? And he's like, it's just so ridiculous. That that would be okay for you to do. And so he regretted giving you permission. Yeah. What a perfect outcome though. Because you still did it. Oh, well, it's too late. Let me call Coenen to take it down. But it was really hard conversation. And it was like I I mean, it was hard to be like I disagree with you like, I think those views should be mocked they're wrong. Like, I don't I don't know. How to do it into that? Funny is. Yeah, weird. I don't I don't I still don't know like 'cause like they came to the tonight show which came out which I taped a week before the net. Flicks. Fifteen that I fifty minutes on the comedy lineup on that flex. Oh. Well, and so don't do. But it's also. Oh, no. Why did you suck? No, I did. I did this fifteen minute thing. And which is like arguably the biggest thing it's on Netflix done and. That came out a week after and they went to the tonight show, they flew out to New York went to the tonight show. I wouldn't let them go to Conan the they came to the tonight show and my dad's on there like so proud, they're so happy it was like this magical evening with them. But for me, I knew that the net fifteen was coming out the next week. And so for me it was like a line. I know that you're not gonna like what is coming in the fifteen. Yeah. Which it wasn't that bad, by the way. It was just like they were not only I understand. But our people understand so much more. Because when you watch your like, that's a clean comedian. Yeah. But you even go like, I still believe in God and stuff, and I'm like, I know like I knew I dabbled in trying to say that like I have this bit man, my heart dropped right into my stomach when I tried it about how I love Jesus. I just don't like his followers who. Yeah. And like even saying I love Jesus I just felt like it was projection. I didn't have the confidence to pull it off. But like, I felt the whole hip. Sir. Brooklyn crowd. Just go like well. Maybe they weren't. And I just didn't have the surefootedness to like commit to my perspective. They probably could pick up my fair Mon of doubt. Yeah. I mean, I was like why are you doing this bit this bit? You're right. The audience is right. You're right. These are point you. That's why I brought it to you. I wanted to what I should think about it say it, and you go into that seem genuine. Just one per cent that that's comedy. And that's why which the pastor could say is this this week. Because ma'am, I just went through this this this, and I'm not feeling it hundred percent. And because that's true. Yes. Is hopefully true. Good comedy. Hopefully, good pastoring keep going well. And that was fifteen was going to be good. He was gonna be tough. So the tonight show was like this magical evening, their New York me. It's amazing. And then the fifteen comes out the next week. I know they watch it. And they just don't talk to me for a week. I had to call them. And I called my step. Mom. I I was like, hey, like, how's everything going good? How are you? Good. You know, I'm just I'm going to do radio to promote this Netflix thing. I did. And she goes on. That's nice. And I'm like did you watch. She goes. Yup. We watch it. And I am in a hot minestrone. Oh, it was. So it was so weird like fish for your own disapproval to be like, and what did you think it? She's like we were going to be a figure of compliment. As you disappointed. And she goes, you're just a better clean comic than anybody else's stuff out there, like you're clean stuff is stronger than anything else. And I was like. I mean, first of all this objective and how much comedy do you watch? Because then I called my dad and my dad the same thing where like granted he wasn't. He was an angry which I was like so afraid of. So I was like, okay good. But he wasn't happy with it. He thought he said some stuff about how like he's like, it just seems like you were swear I said to swear words, and he's like it seems like you were swearing just like be a part of the club. Like, it just seems like, yeah, he's just seems like you were just trying to fit in and you didn't need it. And doing that. You did. I did a joke about guys not wanting to condoms, which I could have done on late night. It's pretty clean contract jobs. And and he was like that was disturbing to me. Like, I don't know what you're doing out there. He's like, I don't know. Can I? Yeah. Please. Yeah. I just had to learn this phrase, and I've said it many times on this podcast where I say it took a long time to train my parents. And it sounds like your parents are more conservative. They are. But I just had to start going like, it's not for you. Yes. I know, you know, this. Yes. Doing I've told them that about my podcast where I'm like, it's not it's yeah. He like tried to join the secret Facebook group like I do a podcast with to my friends, laying Fisher and Kelsey called self helpless, where we talking about like self help and stuff. Title. And the the Facebook groups girls in their twenties and thirties and my dad's like trying to join like I'm made one of the hosts that's how I heard about it. And I was like dad, you just don't don't know what a podcast is like just don't don't go there. But there's like this. I always go to the Lord of the rings or the hobbit. It's like there's the Shire. Right. And that's what you raised and your parents just want to keep you in the Shire. And like that's why I think crashing other stories about comedians are just watching comedians develop in a specially religious comedians and negotiating that with their parents when your skills of dragon slaying, or whatever adventure going are so great that all these weird characters. And I'm admitting that comedians are weird like him so odd like dwarves and elves weirdos you going like you have what it takes to take the ring and your your dad's back in the Shire. I don't you're you're above this. Yeah. I mean, but like you have to learn I'm still learning how to like explained. To them that like running with these talents. And these gifts is like is a beautiful, and I don't wanna use the word godly. But I will like it's a godly thing if using what you've been given. And I get that it's painful, but at a certain point, you have to just be like, yeah. It'd be weird. If you did like my condom joke, dad. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Parents who are like that's greatly. They'll do jokes about doing anal in front of their parents. And they're like, my parents are here, and it's just a fun button on the joke. Dad, just like, you know, cheers there scotch to the stage. And you're like what who is that? That's weird. You're just into this Mr. d that's strange, but I think the pressure cooker that you're in is probably going to cook something even more interesting than that. You know, what I mean sorry to keep bringing up crashing. But one of the reasons why the show has an engine or a pulse is because my character has these conflicts. I mean, the guy that's just like I do the anal. And the dad goes, I love it. I'm not that person can be amazing and surely some of our favorite comics where like that. But I think there's something interesting about the pressure that you're under and what that's how that's going to kind of mold. Your are how it clearly already has. It is interesting that you saying about like using these gifts or godly too. Because when I was doing church. That's what I was doing. I mean, you had that your mom said that on crashing right? Where she said to your girlfriend on the show. It's so great that Pete's using his gifts or God. Yeah. And I was like oh, man. People used to say that to me all the time doing church shows like and as I got older, and I got more into like the club scene and whatnot. It was like I started feeling like I was lying because I wasn't sure about any of it. And so when people are like, I'm gonna pray for you. It's amazing what God's doing for you just feel like God's got his hand in what you're doing. You're gonna be really avoi-. So for whatever. And I was like I can't I can't handle the pressure of this. I mean, and there were so many people within the Christian comedy community who were so supportive of me, even the people who fired me like so supportive and nice. And like, you know, there were at the sound of you turning the other. Got to bring this from you, turning the other cheek. The people that fired me have been very supportive. You know, we always support you. I haven't heard from them since I'm sure they really meant it. But I mean, all those people were so nice. But there was there was a sense of like if I do the wrong thing though, you won't be and I- conditional yet super conditional, which is who are the people that you're like one of the things that I don't think the gospel is about is us and them, and it's really been turned into us and them. So here you are when I watched your set, and you say, I'm like, a wild animal in bed way, more afraid of you than you are of me, I feel solidarity and healing and connection. So that literally is like ministering to me, quite literally. So like, why can we only they wanna turn you into like some sort of mascot that can represent their Inness and entertain those that are in. And when I started doing comedy, my mother's. Friend. Roberta wrote me a letter that quoted the Old Testament about like, whoa. To the that offer strong drink and all this because the places I perform certain liquor, and it was just like who they're them. And I'm supposed to say with us like, you don't know the power of being dirty dirty clean being dirty. But in a way that can edify I'm using Christian words here, but edify and make people feel less alone. That is so fucking beautiful. Yeah. And if you're not talking about condoms, if you're just going up there, and you're just doing like, we hate Christian music and Christian comedy for the same reason. Sometimes we hate it. I'm sure there's some good stuff. I don't know because it's like, what isn't Christian like witch of your feelings, aren't acceptable, what functions of your body aren't acceptable. And where we getting these ideas that God like made an error in making you a sexual person or a curious person or has a brain that provides doubts from time to time speaking. Those things truthfully and beautifully in the funny way is so much more gospel spreading than just literally doing comedy for the choir. Whatever be yeah. She has over. Nailed it. It's not gonna get any better than that. No. No, I meant that. Because you just you clearly touched a nerve in me. But I keep going keep telling your tail. Continue with your plight. Yeah. I mean, so for the first sermon sixteen for the first couple years finishing high school, and like going to college and then realized my first semester of college. Like, oh, I really do want to be doing comedy, even if it's just on the weekends or whatever. So then I moved home, and then started going up more in San Diego and communicate commuting to community college. And like when I was nineteen had like, a very serious relationship with someone else who's very religious like talking about getting married like all those things which is also why your podcast is so important that time because I remember listening going, okay? Pete Holmes got married at twenty two to twenty eight. I'm talking about getting married in nineteen like, maybe this won't maybe maybe just wait. I don't know. But I always married when she was twenty really she's from the church to how. Well, yeah. Obviously, I mean, she was like real atheists but married at twenty. Real which is ready to go just wanted to be in matrimony. But and then when that relationship ended why did that relationship and you were on the track? Yeah. I was gonna stop doing comedy. I was like I'll be teacher. I'll do comedy like on the weekends like sometimes. But I was like I'm gonna marry this guy. I was like God is telling me to marry this guy. I prayed about it. Like, he that's what he told me. And then funny when we say that we're praying to God, we're praying to like a matrix in our brain thoughts and beliefs that we've sort of inherited, you know, what I mean like, we're we're loading. We write the question for God on a note card, and we're loading it into what we think is infinite reality. But really it's so tainted obviously, what other people have told us God is, and then we get back and answer that we know doesn't vibrate. The tuning fork in our hearts, like it's not intuitively. Correct. And I know this because I did it. Yeah. I was like well everyone's telling me, I should get married. We had sex. And I was like, well, I guess we have to get married, and that's just what you do. And I'm not going to be one of those people in nightclubs laughing at condom jokes. I want to be in the Shire. Yes. Yeah. Drinking beer and the dances and Gandalf with the fire. I don't know why that. Yeah. I was in the same situation where like we hadn't had sex. We'd kind of like done every thing where it's like it's fine because we're going to be together forever. The joke. I do on stage now because I do sex jokes. But I'm like just to be clear like I've had sex with two people four if you're Christian like that's how I kind of put it in perspective for people because. Yeah. The time like we hadn't actually done the things. I was like, okay. Well, I'm still okay. Virgin. Yeah. I'm still technically was me too. Yeah. Dry humped. Yes. So much much dry humping. Then my friends would moist which is naked Ryan. Would voice, and I and I remember saying moist bit my Christian college. I was like, oh, you guys are moist humping and someone went. Shame on you. Another nineteen year. Seemed to me like they were discussing. This is what I mean policing each other just like it's happened. We're all doing it behind the anti-kohl. Right. You know, it's happening. Okay. We've all been copied a lobby. That's a very shabby. But I'm so with you. We wanna be and it comes from an earnest place, like an earnest love and respect for the mystery of everything and wanting to at least for me. And then I was like, well, how do I do that? I was doing what everybody told me to do. And then I got married and then what happened. You broke up with me. He broke up with me. Yeah. And after he broke up with me, and it was which I should have seen coming. Because at one point. He told me he didn't like who. I was on stage because he would come to comedy great story. I'd like the better crash. Get married. So I I remember saying to him like that's like who. I am though. Like, that's the person. I want to be all the time is who I am on stage. And he was like, I just think you're so negative and sarcastic. I when I got to New York I was in the at the Boston common club, which is real club. And and I remember off stage on stage. I was very Seinfeld. Ian, very sweet and clean because I was still performing if my parents were in the crowd, even though it was falling someone that was like. Geez. Spat Jared in the female check Hewlett puts out my cigarette. And I'm kind of just like frozen peas or whatever and then off stage. I would be this person that you're saying like, I would be my real self, and I would make sarcastic or snotty remarks that we're funny breaking balls or whatever it might be. And I remember is Jamie kilson in this kid named Oz. And they were like why are you like that on stage? You know what I mean? This is what I love about the stand up stories like your boy, your fiance. Maybe not no he wasn't yet. Your boyfriend broke up with you. Because he saw stand up afforded you a platform to. Discover do the work that so many people never do. Don't even like you need it almost like therapy to excavate who you really are. Yeah. He saw it and broke up with you. And that's horrible. It's the last thing you would have wanted. But of course, sitting here, we're like, it's exactly it saved your fucking all it's saved my life. Art when it was so weird because there were a few months afterward that like a few months afterward. He was kinda trying to get back together for like, two months. We were kind of in limbo, and we almost got back together. And we didn't even believe in purgatory. And and I it was just like a weird like even like, I I loved his mom still talked his mom sometimes I'm so sweet. Yeah. And his mom had the a couple of times in his mom kind of couple times. Like, maybe don't like basically like didn't -plicitly say. Maybe you don't Radio City Rockette, right? Yeah. Happy. I am. Yeah. Like, don't marry my son. You basically like maybe don't get back to get. Yeah. Just like, maybe. And it wasn't. It wasn't coming from a place. Like, you're not good enough. She was just like just maybe maybe don't do like it was so gentle. And I remember thinking like, oh, wow. That's probably a pretty big sign. And then I met somebody else who was a comic at the time. Who was like my age and had been doing it the same amount of time. And was basically like, hey, like, you're really good. And you don't go up that much like you up a couple times a week. And he was like if you don't become a comedian like it's your own fault. I love and that's when I started like going up all the time and like tonight and stuff rider. He was arrogant exact authority and need these weirdo. All weird. And he told you the fuck and true. Yeah. True. That like your parents, I'm not thinking specifically. But like we need someone from the outside. S that goes like, hey, dummy heavily, especially. Yeah. It really puts me in the microwave to think of you going. I'll just not the there's anything wrong with being a teacher. But like if you have a call and you're like, but I don't think it's in line with who. I think I'm supposed to be. Yeah. Even though there's this other truth happening inside of your intuitive truth that you honored this is beautiful. It should be celebrated should find out. What day that was? And it should be a hollow. I know right. For everyone for just me. But yeah, I mean that was like I remember the last time I saw my college boyfriend. We went to coffee, and he was like thinking like, oh, yeah, we're going to do this. And I I just told him like you don't like me like you just don't it's fine. This like, well, we were supposed to get dinner. And then I was like, maybe we should just get coffee. I was like, maybe we just shouldn't. And he was like well, do you wanna get coffee like what do you want to do? And then we met up, and I was just like, yeah. I just think it's probably over now, and we should just move on imbo over limbo over. And he was like so you don't wanna try again as I thought we were kind of on that track. Whatever we'd had coffee times. And I was just like you don't like me, man. Like, it's fine. Best book, I've read. So good. Yeah. He was just like, okay. And then like because he is it like, I don't wanna vilify this person. But it's he's like I thought we were going to try again, and like the subtitle on the screen was I think I can like tame you maybe. Just like one of the potential evils while I'm not saying he was thinking. No, that's what I tried to be. I think he was trying to be a good guy. I don't know if he'd just like, I think you just trying to be a good guy. But I was like, you just aren't me. Yeah. You like the person who brought you to church with my family on our first date like that's who you're into. And I'm I'm kind of getting out of that. Like, I even look back to the way I dressed like dating him. And I'm like, I was wearing skirts like was happening. And I'm so different now. It's just insane. And part of it was like being around more comedians because like I grew up so sheltered to the point where like the almost like the the suggestion was that anybody who wasn't a Christian was kind of a bad person, you know, like horse, which is. Yeah. Where you're like. Oh, and I haven't gonna burn forever doing. Blackjack band who's gonna burn river? Right. He's there was no like fraternizing unless you were actively attempting to save. So when I yes, exactly, you know, it was like in comedy, and like meeting all these people I wouldn't have been exposed to. Otherwise, I have a joke about an hour ago. When the first time I met an atheist with morals, I was so pissed because it felt like meeting a hawker with a great personality was just like that's not you can't have everything I thought my reward for sacrifice, you know, all all of my Sunday mornings was I got to be a good person in the same way that like having acne as a kid means. I get to be interesting and funny. But no, some people were just hot the whole time and are still great. That's not cool like not everybody had to grow feeling guilty and Stiller good guy. What like a chapter in? I just finished my book, and I was writing about when I met beautiful atheists. Not just moral. But we're as or more moral than I was without a reward waiting for them. Yes. They were like when we diets over and yet look at I'm I'm behaving in a way that I would like to be treated like but not for a promise of Ambro. What about the frankencense? Would be like would talk about like just another jewel in your crown. I don't know of anybody ever said that to you it sacrifice something the idea that when you're in heaven we'd have an extra jewel than your crown. This is just straight bribery deny yourself. And then later man, I used to be so conflict. I was like is there sex and heaven because every time that's all I wanted. I was so blindingly Hornos. I just don't do anything about that. And I was like, but in heaven is there is are there asses. I hope asses. Because I couldn't conceive of a paradise that didn't have some sort of release to all of this up that I was really fifteen right. It's different interesting because I never thought about that. But that's so true. My thing is like just thinking about when you get to having like, oh, everyone you knew is just going to in just going to see them the same age. You remember them like that was the part? I couldn't like get around. And I also just I don't know. I had doubts like for really long time. Like, my mom died when I was eight and everybody was like a we'll see her again some day. And I was like I don't feel that way. Am I supposed to feel that way? It's interesting which was like a really tough thing for me to love. This comes to hate what you're saying. I just love that the story is being shared because what's happening is you were dying to your old self, right? And that's so essential. And I'm not talking to you. I'm not giving you advice. I'm just saying in my own life. The number of times that you have to die and be reborn is so essential. And sometimes you need often you need someone to point out. Hey, I don't think who you're pretending to be who you really are. And comedy is a great way to figure that out. It doesn't have to be comedy. But that guy that was like, hey, if you're not a comedian. It's your own fault, and you should get up more. And like isn't that beautiful that someone's like, hey, I like who you are onstage. You're saying that's really me. And you know that it's not for your dad. I know you're dead loves you. But I'm just saying like it's not for him. And then you find all these people that go. No, that's the best one. That's Ahsan Jamie, saying why aren't you this way on state? Why aren't you giving your real nece when? Counts instead of going I can just neuter myself and be who I think I'm supposed to be and make a huge decision. Like that at nineteen. Yeah. Real stakes poker right here a lot of card game. References what's wrong with me today? So your mom died when you were eight when I was eight. Yeah. And that's kind of old enough to remember. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's old enough to remember. I don't remember eight. But nothing remember eight not really. But if someone had get it. Yeah. I definitely remember remember she had cancer so standard. Yes, low. She think she was sick for like a year and a half or something murky on the details. But yeah, my sisters were two four and six and I was eight. So I probably remember the most which I thought growing up. I was like, oh, we'll at least it'll be easy because my dad got remarried fairly quickly. Like, he got remarried ten months later and my. My step. Mom was like, oh, well, she'll just be my youngest sister. Like, they'll just remember her as and my youngest sister has had guesting on fresh print only saw after the recasting. So I just figured that's fifty you. It was a real chance joke. Thank you. We are talking about something. Very sad thought. Maybe it would be a seamless baton passing. I thought it would be seamless. And then as we've gotten older like, my mom journaled, her whole life and stuff, and like my youngest sister's been the one who's really like lead the charge. We're gonna read all moms journals like really wants to look through all the scrapbooks wants to learn as much as she can because she doesn't remember anything. And so the the degree to which I feel like oh, man. I never I never got to know, my mom, and she never got to know me, my younger sister has that like a thousand times more, right? And I just didn't think she would because she was so young. But she she still does it's like the charge in you. And it sounds like you're younger sister to to know who you are might even be more might explain the accelerated like desire to write and to figure yourself out and be creative. I don't know that sound right. I think so. Yeah, I think so because knowing knowing your mom. I mean is probably one of the ways that we know ourselves. Best the best. I don't want to quantify. It's like someone burned a bunch of files on you almost. Yeah. When you lose a parent because you're like, oh, I just don't know somebody's telling me that the in some cultures when someone dies I said their library burned down. Oh, really, they say my library burned down and they go. I'm so sorry. They know what that means. Like, if our friend Dave died, I'd be like Dave's library burned down the library of Dave burned. That's interesting. Yeah. I prefer left. The book is much more optimistic like your body's the library. Yeah. You drop the body. But like, yeah. Your mom's somewhere else. She's fight or whatever. But I don't I don't even know how literally or whatever I believe that. But you said people were like don't worry you'll see her later. Oh, yeah. You didn't really buy it. Yeah. Well, because we were so religious. And I mean, we were part of a really big church. Everybody was praying for her like, she would speak at church, like she's very involved in the church was like nothing's gonna happen because we. I believe in God we talking to him, and it's going to be fine. And then like two months before she died, my dad's set me, and my my sister who was six at the time down. It was like, hey, mom's not gonna make it. And I was just like what like, and I don't remember anything else surrounding it except for the day. She died, and I had to like I went into a room afterward and like kind of like sat with her body for a while. Because I needed it to sink in that she was gone. And I just never felt I didn't understand how everybody everybody could be like God's got it. He's got a handle completely fine. And then the minute she died. Everybody was like, it's fine. We'll see we'll see her later. I'm like, you said earlier, and I I don't know there was just this one for one if it's going to be fine. And she's going to be fine. And then she wasn't fine. Yeah. And then there's like, no, no, she'll be finding having. You're like, well if that's not true. Then this might not be true. Exactly. Yeah. And I mean, she I remember watching a video of her. I think it was in her memorial service video where she was speaking in. Surge about how she was going through chemo. She hated it. And she referenced a verse in the bible about like sacrificing you're giving your body as a living sacrifice to God, which I think was more. So like you live your life is living sacrifice. But she said in when she was speaking church. Like, I I'm giving my body as a living sacrifice. God no matter how this ends like it's up to him. And I remember watching it and being so mad because I was like you gave him permission to kill. You like I was so angry sounds like everybody else was doing their part. Like, why did you do that? But I don't even think she thought she was going to die because I've asked my grandparents have asked my dad like I'm like did she ever talk about? I mean, you had a little bit of a heads up. Did she say anything, and they were like, no, she never she never said anything about she never the one thing. She said my grandma told me once she told her, and I don't think it was when she knew she was going to die as before said like mom if I die. Make sure my kids are creative. And that's the only thing. About it. Yeah. Let's kinda great great. I mean, if there's I mean, I'd prefer letter or something, but prefer my mom. But I mean, if those are nice, they speak to you. Yeah. If you're going to get a message like that I had a very similar experience where our first pastor's daughter was sick. And we all used to get together and pray I've a very vivid memory of praying really fucking hard and even kind of being like and I'm a kid. So kid prayers are like extra peer God is going to be like, all right. And having that feeling like we were all like she's going to be fine. And then she died and that same sort of like, well what's going on here? But having a faith that has an interpretation in an allotment for suffering is so important. But it sounds like the way that we were raised was like don't even look at the thing. Yeah. It's going to be okay. We're all going to act like it's. Okay. And then it's not okay. And then not even owning that horrible nece and just being like, but it's still okay. It's like the pastor that can't talk about their doubt. Like, you don't really have the vote. Cabbie Leary to talk appropriately about a God. That set the whole thing in motion and fucked up terrible God damn shit. That happens all the fucking time. Yeah. It's like, oh, you just misinterpreted when we said, okay. Like, we meant. Okay. One way or the other. No, that's not what you meant you meant. Okay here. Right. But she is okay. I don't like I don't like this genie. God who gets you on technicalities. If it is where he's like, we'll use okay now. All right. That's you knew knew what we were saying. Right. We got to get real specific now like we would like her okay here on earth. Right. But it's a troubling thing. Like, I think about this all the time it's a little bit to excess dental maybe to think about, but it's like when we think of God as the as the thing that's looking out for us in that way. Not the God. That's like whatever happens is what we're supposed to work with. And we like it's a protection plan. That's why my divorce made no sense. But then it's also like everybody dies in the end. So God drops the ball. Eventually. You know what I mean? Like, if death is a failure. Then it's going to happen to everybody. So at some point God's going to be getting his curate coffee pod, and you die and he's like oh shit. I look away for two seconds. And that's that's you know, obviously, not what I feel now. But you felt like God is that the beginning of eating lose your faith, though. I mean, you I was I felt like I was holding onto it for dear life, and I would go through seasons of like. Okay now. Now, I'm I feel pretty strong in it. And then other times I'd be like, I just don't I just felt like everybody else was feeling something. I couldn't feel you know. She's okay. Like with everything I mean with that with her with the fact that everyone was so sure there was a heaven. Everyone was so sure that this was the thing. And I the thing you were talking about not voicing doubts. Nobody would just say. Yeah. We don't know. Maybe it's not maybe it's not this. But this is what we think, and that's all I would have needed. I think and nobody would ever say that. So for a while. I mean, I was transitioning out of like. Being super cushion into like, oh, I believe in God. I just don't know if it's exactly this version of Christianity. And then it was like, oh, maybe I just God. It's just a general God. And it's like how maybe it's just the universe. And now, I really don't know. And I'm kind of in a place. Now, I'm like, do I want to spend my whole life trying to figure out what happens when I'm dead because I I won't figure it out. Right. There's no way. There's no there's I can't work hard enough. There's no out of control in it. Which is so frustrating to me as somebody who's very type A and like as good work ethic. I think like there's no way I can work hard enough to figure out what happens. So why would I spend the the little time? I have here just trying so hard to figure out exactly what it is and nailing it down. And that's that's kind of the place of uncertainty that I've had to settle into over the years that that is a solution. Yeah. Like saying, we don't know. Is a way to take up the energy. I'm paraphrasing around us here. But it's like the energy that we spend subconsciously in denial of death to at least say, we don't know. So I'm going to surrender to it. There's something that I wrote down it might be on my desk somewhere we all have to trust God when we die. So we might as well practice now. So it's just like just trust now. And there's also this roomy poem where he says like we're in an apple orchard. We could spend all of our time wondering where they were came from or we could eat some fucking apple, of course. Of course, paraphrasing. But like you're not gonna when when they asked Buddha. What happens when you die said what businesses that of yours like what are you doing? Yeah. And another round as he goes like you're in school, take the curriculum. Do this don't worry about what happens when the third grade ends just like be in the third grade do it. But what I'm hearing. When you go I'm going to own an uncertainty releases some of that denial that I think a lot of people sometimes we just go like, well, it's just heaven, and that's our way of going like, let's not think about it. But underneath that's just the tip of the iceberg. And there's still a lot of conflict there that I think can be calmed down with we don't know. And that's okay. Because if we were supposed to I think it would be a lot more obvious bright. That's what I was serious. And then he at some what you just have to go. Well, if it's so mysterious, I guess it's a mystery. Yeah, I loved I loved you're joking in your special about like people think some like certain things certain religions like oh that would be weird. If there were life after death, and you're like, this is weird. This is weird. I was like, yes. Sure, there could be whatever you could be at even think the craziest thing to believe is that we've figured it out. Yeah. And like have a manual, and we're like, no we figured out as one of the people that again Ramdas heavy episode with to references in the under our more. He his attitude towards that would be like I have no idea, but it's an adventure. And we all do it. Yeah. I mean, it's like that. We kind of have the shared experience, I believe it can't be a flaw in the game. Like like, I used to be like I used to ask. Why didn't we just start life in heaven? God loves us so much. Why have this? I have this like game. Why send us to college? I wouldn't is that just start in heaven. We'll just be angels. Yeah. You seem to like praise we'll raise you, and we'll never die. But then that that's the beginning of the idea. Then why are we here? And if we die, then let's assume that that's not a flaw that that's something that we're supposed to work with not figure out, but work with whatever it might be, including doubt, including crisis of faith, or whatever it might be. It's all in the game, I suppose so you slowly. We're working with it. You kind of jumped from like, you're know your stages of belief, but I how did it affect. Well, I'm trying to put the time together she passed when you were so young, and then he sort of we're having your weird faith things. But that after that is when you worked with Nassar's. Yeah. When I was sick of you were still. Yeah. Was living at home with my parents. I was going to church every I mean that was like that was my life. I was under their jurisdiction, basically, like, I I didn't get out and have my mind opened up to different people or different things until I was in college. And I wanted to be the person. My parents wanted me to be like, I still wanna be that person. I'm just not which sucks, but I want to so bad. Like, I don't know how to explain to them. Sometimes like dad like I would love to be the person you thought I would love to be the American Girl doll that you put dresses on my whole life. But I'm I'm just not. And it was so hard to come to terms of the fact that I'm not and unfortunately, no matter how many strangers like it. The fact that you don't like it is going to hurt me forever. But I'm working through it. But that is real wisdom right there. That's just beautiful. When you started to say like I still wish I could be like, oh, and then you went, but I'm not like. Eight people a lot of work. Yeah. No, what's that thing of like, I don't know. It's like seeing the matrix or whatever those won't once you see it. You can't like unseat it like how I feel about church. Like, I go back to church now. And I get mad. I'm just like come on like this is you know, or like when they do the kind of silent prayer at the end where he's leading you through accepting Christ. I'm like, oh, this is a guided meditation. That's why everyone feels good and relaxed, and that's like the Holy Spirit. Interesting resting on you, you know, like the. Yeah. Like, I know how all the magic tricks work now. So the magic show isn't fun anymore. Like, I've heard every version of the Christmas weekend sermon, I've heard all of them have heard every angle of like you ever think about it from Joseph Spurs. Pretty fucked up. Right only that was cool like ten years ago. It was like I did think about it from that perspective. And then there's like four different ones. And it's always the same. And like, yeah, it would be so. It would be so refreshing to go in and have him. Just be like I'm struggling with this week anybody else, you know. That's that's what comedy can be where your condom jokes. Come in. Yes. Like, what is gained in acting like none of these feelings and experiences exist? We're just dry humping behind the what did you say teak mall behind the teak mom, it's all the all the shame and nothing is let out, and that's why I think there's this urgency behind your comedy, you say like, I'm a grown woman a lot. Yeah. Do not maybe not a lot but stood out to me. Because that's something that I often find myself yelling onstage even grown woman. Even now that I say. I say a grown woman. But I say to my mom all the time. I'm like, I'm forty years old. I can't wait to be forty. I'm not forty yet. And I can't wait to be forty. So I can be like I'm forty years old. It's over. We're basically just representing that feeling of like, I just wish you could love me for who. I am. And and even like me for who. I am. That would be really nice in the tough thing is a kid. You are you have already accepted them like, you know, all of your parents, you know, for lack of a better word flaw or just differences from you like, I know all the ways that I don't agree with my dad, but he didn't know all the ways I disagreed with him until about a few months ago when we had that unloaded on it. Unloaded. And I've already eight, but there's a degree of like. Oh, man. Why why can't you do what I'm doing like, I'm meeting you where you're at meet me where I'm and your growing. Yeah. That's always the things like we wish they could just kind of keep growing or whatever grow- growing along. Side with you. But like when when your dad goes, I watched fifteen minutes, and like, I wish you were clean. Have you unpack that why does he wish you were clean as for how other people see you? I think it I think it's embarrassing. I think that's what moms laws friends because of grouchy church. Friends the mistake being like, my son doesn't show and then they watch it. And they're like. And then they don't talk to my weird mom anymore. I love my mom, but she's a weirdo is the weird, son and all this stuff. Like, I think that's one of the reasons. Why initially my mom was like why do you have to like do that dirty or whatever? But I don't really believe that they were like worried for my soul as much as it was like we're in this group. Yeah, we belong to this group. And this group likes these sorts of things can't you? And you were so close to being, you know, country Carrie Underwood. Oh, I would've been making so much money. If I had stayed in the church. Are you serious true? Oh my gosh. Yeah. I mean when I got fired from that opening thing that was pretty good money. And then at the time I was twenty one I think I was twenty two three and a half years ago now, and so not really that long ago. But I did last comic standing when I was twenty one. And they were like can we fill me performing at a church, and even then I was like, I don't. Don't want to be a church comic. Like, I really don't wanna be portrayed that way. And they go. No, we're not going to. We just wanna film you in church like talking about your background. And I said, okay. And then they fill me in the church, and they say these few stupid things, and I'm like, and then that's all the things they used to build you build me as the church comics. So then for a year. I got a a lot of church work well, paying well-paying. Yeah. And but I couldn't like once I got fired from that opening that was like the last thing I was doing. So I'm like, all right. It's fifteen minutes. I can be cleaned for fifteen minutes. It's like you're performing for five thousand people good, money, whatever. And then once I got fired from that. I had to tell my managers like, hey, like, I don't I don't do anymore, and they would still say like, well, they're going to pay you this much. I it doesn't matter. Don't ever bring it to me how much money it is. I remember fifty. I get that a lot. No, it's amazing. But it was scary. It was a scary thing because I was like, okay. Well, if this doesn't work out like I mean, I had mce like Neka was the thing that let me go fulltime when I was twenty one. So I was like all right. Well, I have the knack thing. I don't have to be that clean. And maybe that will just be the thing that replaces churches, and then this that's the example that helps it make sense to people is like the restraints on being cleaned into college which most people complain about we're liberating to you. Yes. I can say my period. It like you weren't allowed to say period on one of the late night shows like you had to say time, why time of the month because I wrote that joke while doing churches, and I couldn't say period in church, see and some of the curve, and some some people were like when I opened for that guy. He was like they were like don't don't do the period joke, and I was like that jokes for church audiences like that jokes about absence. It's about being scared. It's a joke about the right thing. You know? And they were like, no don't do it. Like, we don't want to. We don't want you to do. So. Okay. Yeah. How did we get? So fuck. But I mean at the same time those stage time that I got in churches, the lake supportive audiences. The fact that I can write clean now. Yeah. I mean, all those were what a great way to start. Nobody's watching from the industry whatever's is Ray Charles, Jennifer Hudson. The Staples figures that we just interviewed. You. Learn the skill set in this very safe place. Yeah. I did too. The first place I say youth group and just kind of fucking around while people are eating and you're like everyone's so nice. So they're laughing, and you sort of end you learn how to work clean so much easier to start that way. And then like slowly infused some of your whatever feelings more real or darker dirtier feelings, then to maybe learn it later, you learn in those constraints as as like Howard Stern when he was on like terrestrial radio had to learn how to be like super creative. And that makes them better as a satellite radio person where he can say anything, but he knows what it's like to play that like heightened game of like there's all these rules on what I can say right better. Yeah. And people say that to me now where they'll come up to me after shows where I think like by church comedy standards. Now, I'm my our that I'm doing now is very raunchy, but by everybody else's standards. They come up to me after shows like guys my dad's age, and they're like, we really liked it. You're not super dirty. What I get. To same exact experience. I think I'm going like a home Mike God, I can't believe I'm talking about texting sex things or something people like you're so clean. That's what clean means people are just like it was so clean. And it was duty to me. In such a classy way like about sex such a a tasteful way. And I'm like, okay. I guess I mean, I feel like I am just I feel like I'm whoring myself out in front of my family. Don't you also I wonder I'm projecting onto you would. I I'll tell you what I felt like it was this experiment after that conversation of the Boston than I'm in New York. And I'm seeing other people talk about female, Jacqueline and all this stuff. I was like, well, maybe I can let a little bit of who. I really am out and the truth who most people really are is a little bit dirty a little bit complicated, potentially a little bit ugly or shallow or sarcastic or selfish or whatever your demons might be and I would slowly share them. And I did that on this podcast to and notice that like I thought because of the church model that I was raised with I would lose love for that. And then you actually ended up getting unconditional love from the or. Or honest. Let's say was that your experiment. We like connived turn the volume up on this lowly. Yeah. I mean, it seems like that's what you're doing now. Yeah. It feels like it's sort of what I'm doing. Now. I mean now I do finally feel like I can talk about whatever I want on stage. And there's not going to be any. I mean to the point of like, but that's so recent. I mean, I moved in with my boyfriend like five months ago and into the sin apartments into the sin. So you're living in sin. Week after I moved in with him. I would onstage. I was like I just moved in with my boyfriend. We live over in a sin, which is what my dad. Oh, golly. We live over in a sin is great. And the great version of my dumb riff. So good. And but yet, but I moved in with him. And it was like for months. It was like I had to explain it. Because like his parents love him, unconditionally and everything and. Yeah. Yeah. And I had to be like you got understand like this could ruin my relationship with my parents. And so this is a big deal for me. I know it's not as big a deal for me. I'm like, but not in the same way. Let's watch madman on this. That he telling her mother she's moving in. Yes with Abe. Exactly. So I had to have. I mean, I had a long conversation with my dad where I was just like I moved in with my boyfriend. I don't I it's a great decision. Did it after you? Did it I told them after? Yeah. 'cause I didn't wanna I couldn't move in with you have to be thoughts committed. Yes. You have to tell them this already happened. Yes. Isn't that funny? This powerful archetypes, you know, well enough to be like, let's not even talk to him before. I do it. Because what if he does some weird thing or says somewhere, we'll say something it'll get in my head. And then it'll ruin it over taint it it'll taint ruined Disneyland. Yes. Exactly. So I was like I've been in Disneyland for a week. I know it's great here. So now, I can tell them, and it was tough. I mean, he said all the things I thought it would where he's like why wish you hadn't done that? Like, you know. That's I think it's mistake. It's not good for either of you all these things. And he and I had to I'm not a Christian like, I'm sorry. I wish I was I've been trying for years. I'm just not. And he it was like. A good conversation. Like, I think we really understood each other. But even now I feel like when I bring up my relationship, I feel like he's waiting for it to fail. So that he can go see I told you oh my God because he moved in. I mean, you know, there's some bad Christian poem for dads. I waited for her in the field. My witch shoop turned waited for the prodigal daughter. That's basically what what it is. My buddy doesn't Nickerson who's a super funny comic in San Diego. Who like is who really does like clubs and churches like very seamlessly? He always says like well, whenever I'm having a hard time like with the Hollywood aspects of things he's like, well, you know, you can always just decide to turn back to the Lord and go on your prodigal daughter tour where you start with a clip of you like swearing on stage. And then you come out with a head Mike like that was me. Reckoning the reckoning? Oh my God. You can this is the return to churches do that. When we were doing this season. I wrote so much Christian material. It hasn't aired yet. And it was so fun for me to write like, I loved going into basically, the writers would find areas, and I was able to a lot of it was written. But a lot of it was rift like I just knew enough about the bible to kind of go on about it. And I knew what was like cheeky just the right amount of cheeky. What did I say? Oh, it's king David needs to marry. This guy's daughter. He's like bring me one hundred four skins of your enemies, and I go and he's like make it two hundred. This is true. It's in the story make it to internet. I go. He was feeling cocky. It's such like, you can't you can't you dirty the bible. No. That's the only way that you can reference anything like that. And I totally saw guys do that. What they do a force can joke, but it was about the bible. Right. So it's fine or they do a sexual, but it's about their wife. Right. You know? So it's okay. And you had to really earn it like you do it for your audience. But it's it's it's splitting your brain. It's who you are isn't enough. And you have to you have to put on the Mickey Mouse outfit and go out and be like and that fucking will kill you you. Why you how did you figure it out so quickly? I don't understand what's going on with you. You should be. It's a good thing that you don't feel super twenty-five that you have like you're able to speak directly to your dad and be like you're saying what I thought you might say, and that's really hard. And I wish I could be what I know you want want me to be. That's usually twenty years of therapy that you can like get to that place. Like, I wonder what it's must be your brain. Well, my mom, dad. I think that's a big part of it. Like, I think grew up faster. I grew faster. I went to therapy right afterward. I wasn't therapy my whole childhood, but as part of it, I wouldn't therapy and high school, which I asked for those very depressed. And then like, you know, I'm in therapy. Now like I've done a lot of therapy. And then also, yeah, when us apparent you, just grow your therapist device. Understand they give you a refund. I don't get it. But no, I mean, I think there's a degree of like, I I've talked to other people who lost parents young. And they feel the same way big grow up that will that they grow up. And also you feel like you're going to die at the same age. They did. So I've always felt like well, I'm going to be dead at thirty four. So I gotta like get quicker. Yeah. Like, I can't I'm not doing casual sex like I don't have time to do that. Like, all my friends. Like, we're I'm gonna weird point now where like I'm twenty five all my friends like twenty five to thirty mostly. And they're all getting the point now where it's so crazy. I'm so boring now, I love it. And I'm like bitch. I've been boring for fucking years. Remember when you were shaming me for not drinking in college. And now, you're boring, and it's so cute fuck off. So mad does that mean you're trying to be more wild now? No. I mean, I like the wildest I no, no that's frustrating. Like alcoholism runs in both sides of my family that I have retained where I'm like. Okay. I'm never going to touch alcohol because like I'm the type of person who would abuse it even that. Wise. You're you're supposed to be stupid some area. Because like I did that a lot of Christians do that. Especially when we lose our faves where like well. Now, bring on the Yeager, and I'm going to do all these things that can be depriving. Let's say not very fulfilling. They can be fun. But they might not be the answers. But so many Christians when we find what we were doing doesn't work. We do the opposite. And what I see doing striving for dare I say Alan because you're right like alcohol is not what you were what you were robbed of was personal freedom. You know, what I mean was like the freedom to be yourself. Not very well. Nobody stole it from you completely obviously. But like that's the field the open field to run around. And now, that's your joy. It's not in like and now I smoke like fuck you. You're only hurting yourself like there's better ways to have a rum Springer. It doesn't have to be like a text. Book like a now, I do speed like come on, man. There's there's more joy to be found in just being a full yourself thing. Right. Exactly. And again, it's like what we're talking about with the jokes. Do now feeling like this is so raunchy like for me having a serious relationship with an atheist where I didn't feel bad about him going down on me was like that was me going wild. You know, that was me being crazy that my book is so embarrassingly about jerking off because of so that's what sex and shame and being out of God's favor was I couldn't I've said this many times when I was like I wasn't tempted to steal or lie or cheat. I was just horny. Yeah. And then like I bought the playboy that I used to hide in my bedroom. And I put I've told this story a million times, I put it on my coffee table. It was just a way of being like that was me being like I like looking at these titties, and that was my wildness, which is the Tamous day any of my friends had ever had. So I'm totally there. With you, which is experiencing the freedom like your boyfriend's in eighth east and not feeling terrible about that. Yeah. And my partner now, I mean, he's not like he's not anything. I mean, he's has like, very spiritual. Parents who are kind of open to whatever like his dad has a really cool job working with a nonprofit that promotes like religious piece. It's very cool. And he like he just never thought about it. And the more I dated people who were like. Yeah. I just never thought about it. I just I know we die. And it's we'll get there when we get there. And I'm like, but my whole life was about dying like, my whole childhood was people telling me, I was going to die. And I better like make sure all my ducks in a row, and like make sure you don't have sex too soon and make sure you're not. I mean, my dad took my college boyfriend out to dinner once to tell him that I would try to have sex with him, and he should be careful protecting my boyfriend's virtue, and yours and mine, but like come do though you, but he but he was like coming. At it. As like, a someone who had been a young Christian man who had been like tempted. He was like, hey, buddy. My daughter's going to try to pull something probably because that's how women are. Yeah. You're the enemy. I know. You're the there's some Christian word for it. But I mean, yeah, maybe whore of Babylon us that one. Rendu Jesus is though he meant you took your boyfriend dinner to warn him and sort of their by he went like undercover. Yeah. Basically, he went into the other side. And was just so you know, there's going to be an attack in two days. I know I'm on her side kind of. Yeah. But really, I don't want you to torpedo her. Oh that is nuts. Yeah. So your your boyfriend now is the the the, open spiritual. Yeah. Very open. And when you talk to your dad about lie, and you say like, I'm sorry. I'm not the person you want me to be is he softening? I can't I don't know. I don't know how much of it is him accepting it, I think it's more. So he's just hoping that I realize I'm wrong. I think you think so he says stuff like that. Sometimes he's like, you'll realize you'll get like he just he really. We get a light at ninety. Wasn't a reaction to my story. Everybody looking at Katie going. It's been ninety minutes. I use this blaspheme very deliberately Jesus Christ. Ninety. So in rapture. This is incredible. I hope you're writing all this stuff down where I mean. This is coming out, right? I can just listen you can all right grand says the lazy man's journal. Public right? No. You have. It's such a great story. But I wonder now we're just two friends talking like, do you think he could be convinced? My parents got it the more success. I had the more they sort of laid down their arms. Now, they seem more on team Pete. It's not about money or anything. It's just like I something code until me is like there's this wall of noise. Right. And all you do is you bang your little, you're what's that triangle? You just make the same tone over and over and over he was talking about trying to be successful. Excuse me in show business, and he was like just be consistent. And do it a long time. And even though there's all this noise. Someone will eventually go like I've heard that triangle digging for many years now, let's go check that out because you just like consistently work at it. And there's something about that with my parents like at a certain point. I was like look I like sex jokes. And I like swearing a lot. I love swearing and like I just kept doing it. And slowly they sort of got the message through repetition, and it seems like you're already doing that now. So maybe slowly hill crumble. I mean, you're both waiting for the other. I think we are waiting. But I mean, what do you do with crashing? Do your parents watch it, or did you say this isn't for you know, they watch it. Oh, okay. But I did say I was like you're only allowed to tell me. It's great. Oh, really? So you don't know. They like to put it. I think by putting up that boundary. I think they did start to just like it. I mean, okay. Like I to relate to you. I did send the chapters that were about my parents to my mom, not my dad, but just my mom. I was just like just read them and see if I got anything wrong or whatever. So there's still some like me trying to please them or whatever. But like, but they come back and been like this offended me. Would you have taken it out? If they said, this isn't true. I taking it out because you're writing about your childhood. And you're like is that was that? Right. Yeah. Did you guys fight every single night or? Just every other. That's what I wrote. I said it was every night. That's what it seemed like every night. Good. I should be funnier. But I wonder what's going to happen. That's very interesting. Let's let's talk a little bit about because it's been so heavy and you're such a great comic. And you've had all this. I don't mean success in that like, how'd you get that successfully finding your voice I was curious after opening for Nazereth what happened because I really watch. I don't wanna be overly complimentary. Because there's almost like a why am I so surprised like being h? I'm just like I'm surprised every day. You're not bad. I watch and I go what's going on here? Obviously, you did grow up faster the tragedy of your mother put you in a in a Vance program for figuring yourself out and having a need to express yourself and figure out I hope I'm not forcing it in a way of knowing yourself that maybe was not as easy as people that could just be like what was I like or whatever it is that I was doing. But what happened after you open for Nazar just in order that led to things like Conan the tonight show and the fifteen well. So that was probably like sixteen to eighteen when I was eighteen I was scared of doing clubs. So I was like maybe I'm just gonna do church. Maybe I'm just a church comic. So I went to a show at the ice house that had Eddie Pepe tone, Maria Bamford and Marc Maron on it. And I made two of my high school friends go with me. And I said I have to go see a comedy club to see like, you know, what all the fuss is about because I was listening to these podcasts. And I'm like, all right. I gotta know. And you just wanted to see I just wanna see. And I was hoping I wouldn't like it. I think on some level. I was hoping I'd go and be like, I don't like this. This doesn't sound great. And then I could just go back to churches where it was safe and become Sean appears and is season through crush is it really I go in the Christian. That's so nice. Yeah. But I sort of want to find a way to stay. But I did it back where I went on the Christian tour first and then. I was like this is gross. Yeah. I hoped I hated the Christian thing. But it was so nice in the show. Okay. So I'm all caught up and I've been waiting for the Christmas. So then I went to this show. And it was like it was like the most magical thing ever. I was like oh my God. This is how it's supposed to be zone. It's supposed to sound this comedy album sound to me, there's low ceilings sat in the back, and I was really quiet the whole time. And then after I was just like, okay. Well, I have to do that. So then you just loved it. I just loved it. I mean what a lineup. Yeah. Oh, my are the three of the free issed people. That's what I'm saying. It's not cigarettes in boos, it's freedom. Yeah. And you don't even I would even say, you don't want Jesus or Krishna or any of these things as much as you want liberation you want to be freed by something and year being freed by watching these three free, motherfuckers just kill it and be themselves. What a great show for you to pick. Yeah. Well, because I was listening to WT F all the time re Bamford has been my favorite comic forever. I didn't go Eddie Pepito. It was gonna be on the show, but it was just like just incredible. And so from there. I mean, I was going to college up until I was twenty when I had to I didn't drop out until I got an ACA. So I didn't ACA like fifty colleges. How did you get into knack though, because somebody has to submit you? Yeah. A college bar, but flavors was my collagen. She same woman who spilled the beans on don't be a dick don't video where. Exactly she made up for that. Yeah. So someone of the club said I want to for next. They saw me at the San Diego comedy festival, and this is exciting. What's going happen? She came up to me after I was twenty and by that point I'd been doing clubs and San Diego. Probably from the time. I was like eighteen and a half. So only like a year and a half. And I wasn't doing it super consistently like maybe once twice a week. Maybe not even that much sometimes because I was in school. I was working and she came up to gave me a card and was like you should do college as you'd be great for colleges and said verbatim. Like, what Tilda Swinton says to Amy Schumer in trainwreck where she goes. You're not gorgeous. You're approachable exactly what she said to me. She's like, you're great because you're like, you're cute. But you're not like, you know. She's like, you're fine. Like, basically, it was like it'll be nice and relatable. And I wish someone had said that to me. Because it would have been honest. It would have been like, you're not gorgeous your every, ma'am. Because stupid. I do not defend what they said. That's fucked up thing to say, but go on that show. But I mean, that's how everyone is totally find it didn't even bother me that much, but I was just like, oh, that's interesting way. To kind of pick yourself direct me. But she was right. I mean, I Email her for a couple of months, and then that same person who told me like, you know, kind of get out there and get up more was like reviewing. Yeah. He's like, you should do knack like people. I didn't know what it was like people like make a living off of Neka. Yeah. And I was like, okay. So I submitted for an ACA, I got like four the conferences and jumping into the deep end of the best pool. Just so excited for you right now and the pass. So that was me at twenty I go onto four conferences. I got into four Barbara at flappers is now a repping you which means she's college going to make ten percent of your twenties twenty. Oh, thank you. Yeah. So she she which I've heard twentieth. Heard before I'm not. Yeah. Yeah. But hundred why felt the need to make that accurate. I'm like, actually, it's twenty. It's funnier to say it's twenty. So she. Yeah, we all these conferences. I have no idea what I'm doing. But I book like fifty colleges and because I did well, and I was fairly cheap. So I'm looking at my schedule for the spring under a grand. Grand probably like seven fifty to eleven hundred. So that was my right to wasn't too. When he started a group if it was a cluster, it was like seven fifty or something like if they were to get near each other. Yes. Which sometimes near was like eight hour drive in the snow, totally. Yeah. Oh my God. You just brought me back to apple ten Wisconsin and skidding to get to a Valentine's Day show. I had to cancel a few shows because I was like I'm sliding off the road. I just have to stop at the next. Yeah hotel. I see. Yeah. I would've loved to do a season of crashing that was just that. But we literally don't great. Appreciate it was so spot on. 'cause I watch it thinking like how could they have captured? How weird this thing? And it was exactly what I'm so happy. That was my like love letter to my people are species. I was like just so you guys know this is what knack is like, especially Jamie's experienced standing there. Not booking. Anything is so much more interesting. And that happened to me too. I had both. I had the good knack as in the bad neck, so like, but the pain of sanding in a booth next to a hypnotist, I'm like a woman with cat face paint. And you're just like fuck the cat face paint woman just whole year. It was my it was the worst part for me. I think it's hard for me to stand outside after shows at clubs because lines me of neck because it was yes. So vulnerable, but all these colleges, and I was looking at how many fifty good they're spraying. Yeah. And I was like it's December. I've already taken off the summer and the fall semester of college, and I have like a year maybe year and a half left. And I was like how can I keep going to college? And also I was trying to keep my job as a receptionist. I was trying to be responsible about it. And then I finally looked at it. And I was like you're going to be gone for three weeks at a time. You literally cannot do any of this stuff. So I went on the road. I'd do all these colleges. My first week into doing colleges. I was in Massachusetts. I'd like to days I would have show Sunday Saturday Sunday than I had Monday Tuesday off then I had Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday, and like it's not worth it to go home. We're just gonna stay out there. And I get an Email from somebody last comic standing who's like, hey, do you wanna come out dish in at the Hollywood improv on Tuesday because of barb? No because of YouTube get those done so much like Brian Regan has me open for him occasionally. And it's because of to just got the chills Brian Regan as open occasionally. I it took me like three three weekends with him before. I was like chew how this. Where did you see these gosh was YouTube, and I just thought you were funny. You finally got the nerve to ask because I was like, I was just YouTube. Shoot to them. Biggest ever news YouTube a hours in the day? Our links. Click click. Yeah. I love Brian Regan. He's the greatest albums right about. Oh. Yeah. He's yeah. He's the Raymond on the wall. Brian you might hear this. I actually got a message for Bri that he likes. Yeah. Oh, he's the best. He's the great. And he's a great episode of this podcast. I don't know if you heard it. I did. Yeah. Of course, he did my podcast. And we were like you will like how he was now. He's like thank you for having me. I'm like, are you kidding? You're as the driven snow incredible. I can't get over. I love him. So he's amazing. So okay. So last comic standing producer, whatever emails me just from YouTube just from you too. And I was like, okay. I got a fly back it's super expensive. 'cause it's like the next day. So I ended up flying in you know, getting picked up from the airport going to the improv LA. Yeah. And then I'm in New York. Closer went up did three minutes left and went straight back to the airport to go back and do college. And then a few days later like days like a few days. They were like, oh, yeah. Do you want to come on the show? And so then I got that. I think I had to cancel some colleges. I forget when we filmed it, but I did that it came out that July, and that's right around the time, I moved to LA, and then I wasn't LA for I did like Adam DeVine's house party on comedy central. Is this mother things and? Was there for two years? And then I was like kinda hitting a wall with LA where I was like man, why do I need to be here? I'm on the road all the time. Anyway. So then I moved to Orange County. I moved in with my sisters who are in college. And I was like I'm gonna live with people who love me for a little while did that for like a year and a half and that year and a half is when like everything happened, which it was like this is so this would have been two years ago now that I moved in with them. And as soon as I moved the week, I moved I was filming a show on MTV like while I was moving. So I had to be an LA every day. I got cone. And finally, which I wanted for you know, years or whatever I got just for laughs. I got a development Dillard, ABC like everything just everything happened as soon as I moved away as soon as I was like fuck, you LA, they were like do you want all the stuff you always wanted? And that kind of like that just started everything we're like, I got the development deal that same winter was like do you want to do the Netflix fifteen or do you want to do the comedy central half hour? And I was like I mean, obviously want to Netflix and did the tonight show like just everything was kind of would allow. Yeah. So this is like the first year that I know years been bad for me. But every year, I'm kind of like, well, maybe this is the year everything goes to shit. And this is the first year where I'm like, okay. I'm booked out with headlining dates through the end of the year. Like, I'm I think I'm a comedian. Now, I think like Montreal twice. It's crazy. How many things you have to accumulate before? You're like, okay. I think I have the things that I thought would make me feel whole. So I must be whole, right? Right. Right. Bohol? That is so to summarize you got all this stuff from being good. I don't know it is being young part of it is probably being young and like like being good when you're young. I mean, I've said this on radio before where I'm like it's kind of like being a dog that can skateboard like you're not a good skateboarder. You're just like all true win, I booked you. I struggle to find. I love. It's weird to say that I love having women on the pockets. But I do I love it's always dudes, right? I love having to. So I'm always looking for women. Ron's like this person's great. I didn't know you were young. Then I watched you. And I didn't know you were obviously you look very young. But I didn't know that wasn't how you were sold to me. And so you're you are good like you could be thirty five doing that. Same set on Conan that still book. You still think you were amazing? I mean, I'm telling you got that role. It's very difficult to get. So I don't know. I mean, we'll see on the next one. I'm always just very aware of I don't comedian thing. I've ever heard. Let's see if I can do it again. I don't know. I feel like I'm very I'm very sensitive to how other people in my class. I understand what you know. You get the sense from people that they're like, well, you just got it because of this which they would never say to you right as Los Angeles. But you do feel like people are thinking that or does that what Z's when we were coming up as well. He's India and then he's twenty two. But like bullshit, you know, us doing great on stage. And then you're doing the same thing. But you're right to have some sort of way to package it. So you're not just like, Sarah bitches. I guess I'm very good. But I'll say you're just very good. And that's one of the great things about standup is like fucking YouTube. Got you opening for Brian Regan. That's big yellow one is. It's so good. And last comic you flew. You're schlepping you're cancelling gig because you're gonna die real shit. It's kinda crazy how the the tragedy. It's so sad about your mom. But clearly you album is dead. Like, that's the point of life. As far as I can see is taking something like that. That was obviously so painful, and and it's still painful and using it as a crude fuel, you know, what I mean? Oh, yeah. Very helpful. Because you know, who you can never impress. Hosts. But I mean, that's like I hear Seinfeld still talking about the idea of what a comedian is supposed to be. So we're all looking for these weird ways to make something that will make the rocket ship go, and I'm not saying, I'm not trying to be little your mother's passing into just that. But it's clear that you've instead of being debilitated by it. So all of that fuel could have just spread out and become a lagoon that you sat by like gall and just. Just gave up you know, what I mean? And you had all these opportunities to like, maybe not give up give in. And instead you were like I'm gonna roll with this. And you're gonna like fat can stand up to the patriarch of your life and stand up to your fears of clubs and like those moments where you're like, I'm going to go to the club just gonna watch. That's like that's going into the cave going to the dark cave with the flickering candelabras should've been a torch was a cave on a fancy property. You know, what I'm saying deserves some credit there. That's really really cool. And then I wonder if there's anything you can share about your process you right deliberately or are you? I mean, if you already have an hour that you're headlining and you did a fifteen in you have these two or three late nights to to to. So you have all these like really great sets. You're clearly prolific and what is your approach? I don't know. I don't know what prolific 'cause I feel like there are some people who are truly like they have a new thirty. There's this guy. Also, sandy oh comic. Zoltan Cass is hysterical. Don't wanna tell us real name. You mean the one that turned that kid, Tom Hanks? Zoll tar. Oh, I'm sorry. Why do you right? Right. You're half. My. Your own movies. But he's a good example of somebody like when I was coming. He is new to this day. He has a new like thirty minutes like every time. I see him. He's just like to me that's prolific. And I'm not at that level. So there's always someone else you can point to and go like, well, I I'm not that good or I'm not that prolific. It's I don't feel that way. I hope I'm prolific. I mean, I try I try to write as much as possible. And I do try to be delivered about it. Especially now that it's my job. Once it became my full time job. I was like, oh you need to be doing this. Like, you were doing homework a few months ago. So you have to Cisco a little bit. Yeah. So I go to like a coffee shop and sit down and stare it a Cup and get down three things. Maybe I like. I have a desk now at our apartment like a window. And I'm like this is perfect where you can kind of feel like you did something we're sometimes I started recently. I started going back through like really old notebooks and just trying to. Yeah. Just trying like are. They know gets this is my old notebook. Oh, really? Yeah. Have you been going through it? It's terrible. You hear how how long ago was this this? This is real old. I mean, this is a three ring binder for anyone listening. This was so I would write my set, the comics club is closed. I would write my sets on paper that had holes in it through. I'm so tired or baby was not know cooperating. So I could put them in this binder. This is that this is what made me think of it with homework. Like, this was me being like, take it serious. Some of these jokes made it to air. Boys boys and berry, it's weird that there's a very called boys and berry so close to poison very look, this is typed up. That means you found a three hole punch. Yeah. Piece of paper. That's true. And these are the things that repair them. Oh, yeah. Do you want to hear getting ready in the morning? All it was this is what it says four getting ready in the morning. On the weekends. When we get up. This is my girlfriend when we get up at the same time. My girlfriend has a very warped sense of how long it takes me to get ready. It takes her. This is not good takes her a long time to get ready. So she assumes it's gonna take me a long time. So I'll be in bed. She gets the Cher like you better. Get your pants on me miester. And then miester up miester and then blow dry her hair for forty five minutes. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's a real thing. It's related to that. I made Val laugh so hard the other day where I go, you know, an old Jewish man wrote beyond say songs, I don't really believe that there's a theory that like like think tanks writer song don't all Jewish men wrote his fiancee's music because it's like it took how long does it take to get ready? Forty five minutes. It took forty five minutes to get all dressed up. Not even gonna make it to the Cup. Forty five minutes beyond say does not look forty five minutes to get ready. An insult to be onset. Isn't that was clearly a man wrote that song? Can I ask you a question because you mentioned your baby? So you have a baby. Clearly, you're almost forty but you have no this is almost forty. Yes. But you have no timer on when you can have babies. So obviously, you have more wiggle room. But I'm in a spot. Now where I'm like, oh, man, I like need to have. Baby's not necessarily right now. Not right now. But like I need to have them at some point. You wanna? Yeah. Messes with me when I see one like I can't see a baby. Because it'll like I was scared. I was going to say, oh, you don't want us here the baby, but it will when you came in. I was feeding the baby you were. It was was sleeping was trying to be really quiet while she was sleeping my arms. It's called dream feeding. Get ready. Lactic? It's been so difficult. Like, I've I've talked about it on stage. Sometimes where in it doesn't work when I go. I don't think you guys realize like this is great. Everything's going. Well for me all want to do is give up and have a baby right now. That's all I wanna do. And I used to think I felt that way because I just wanted to like rest, I'm like, you just need time off in a baby would let you stay home. But I really wanna baby. And I'm wondering how long you felt that way. And that you wanted a baby that you were ready for it, the family, and that your career was in a place where you did you. Yeah. I mean, it really there was so much childishness not in a bad way that I had to get out of my own system. So you talking about all these things that you wanted to do before. So when I got married the first time I had nothing, and I was so weird about my wife taking her pill. Vera, Singley always reminding her to take her pill, which you know, looking back. It's like, you know, it's a little weird that your husband is like so. Adamant that you not get pregnant. I I guess it's responsible, but it was a little dysfunctional. How much I wanted her to remember her pill? Because I knew I really really was a long way from being ready to have a baby. And then when I met valley already was on. I had the Pete Holmes show, airing when I met her, and that's when I started to feel like, okay, I think I'm through some sort of membrane of my own satisfaction. And I always wanted to have kids, and I always wanted to have a family like a wife and kids family, and you know, that's one way family. So it it did I had to get to a point where I met. I rang my own Bill. And so I guess what I'm saying is you'll know, and it's like you're already doing that. When you're like, oh now, I can call myself a comedian. Then this in the same way go like now, I think I'm ready to like is the is the house of cards structured well enough that I can put a plate with a sandwich on it. Yeah. Because that's what family is it's a plate with a sandwich on and comedy is a house of cards. Okay. Even if it falls over this section. I'll still have this section. You know, what I mean because there's like the podcast, and then I have my writing thing, and then you're always like diversifying and the sort of like you wanna be secure financially. But you also want to feel like you did like I did enough of my like selfish just me time. Right. And I had like a good three decades. Three. Three decades and three years of that of just me. So it was like thirty three when I met Val. Yeah. That's what I'm I'm feeling right now because I never had that like wild period that we were talking about. But I do still feel a sense of like, I think I'm embarrassed about being inexperienced in some ways. Which is maybe another reason I overcompensate and trying to be more mature or whatever. Like, I've run I was talking to my boyfriend about this the other day where I was like I was like I kind of don't want to go places you've already been with you for my first time like his parents took him to Italy during the summer growing up. And I I think I have to go to Italy alone the first time, but I don't know if that's just petty. That's just a petty thing or insecurity, or if it's just me knowing that I need to have certain experiences for myself, totally. Okay. -solutely? I think you should honor those feelings the human what's going on inside of us is so complicated. If you get like messages from your subconscious that are like, I think that would be valuable experiment if that's right. You know? And I think you should you know, hopefully, he is understanding if you're like, I think I always say, psychologically, I think that would just be psychologically beneficial to go and do that alone, especially as people like us that were so sheltered. There those things that you wanna do and might get out of the way I'm reading this book called shameless. Have you heard about it's by her name is Nadia? I wish we're hyphenated last name, but she's going to do the podcast and it's about Christian sex. Shame. And I know you're not just talking about sex. But there's something about like that's a huge Russian needs to be. Yeah. Dealt with it needs to be reconciled because we're all like tot a lot of shame. And we're also taught like it was supposed to be a certain way. And all these years, you just read. I can't I definitely very good. But you wanna have a baby at some point. It's exciting. Yeah. But you have at least ten years before I like half to. I mean, there was an Adams ruin Adam ruins everything about this. Really? Yeah. Oh that it's like bullshit bullshit about your eggs your expiration date because I can't summarize it. But it's something about like over. Let's say the age of thirty eight your risk. Does double for like a miscarriage or something like that? Or whatever it is that we're worried about but it doubles from point zero one percent point zero two percent. So he's like technically does double. But and then he visually shows you what they're talking about. He should watch. I'm definitely going to want Adam ruins, pregnancies. Good to now, we watched it because I hope wouldn't I'll ask her, and we'll take it out. She struggled with breastfeeding. And we watched his Adam ruins pregnancy. And we were just both crying like open the crying because he talks about like what a fallacy does that everybody needs to breastfeed. If it doesn't work this way. Like, it means this and this and listen, and he just and he breaks down the feeling that you have to get pregnant before a certain age. It's wonderful show, really helpful in amazing show. Yeah. I'm definitely going to check that out and shameless. I can't summarize at tired, but very good book. No, I'm going to check that out for sure because there's still some of that in there. But if there's anything that like, you think would give you that very necessary. Feeling of liberty. And. Something that you do for just for you that maybe you were inhibited to do in your youth. Then you should do it, especially if it's not harmful going to Italy by yourself with a girlfriend, or whatever it doesn't matter. Yeah. Do it. If that makes you feel more whole. Yeah. I am gonna do it. Needed. The permission though, I sure don't want to sound like I'm giving you provision. But that I needed permission from fellow brother in Christ. I've gotten permission from other people, but they're heathens. That's right. And what do they matter? They don't they don't matter. No, they do matter. What what is heaven without hell, and what is what is solve -ation without condemnation. At least knowing that. Some people are really getting. That's what you do in heaven. You just watch all the people told. So I read love wins. Have you read love wins? Haven't read loved ones, I'm going if you want you can have my copy of love wins. It's such a good book. And in it. There's like five Bill Burr prefaces in the beginning. It's such a great book and Bill Burr had that bit about like. So I'm in having just know my cousin Jim isn't here. Like wouldn't that like ruined heaven for knowing and that's one of the points that rob brings up in the book? He has all these really funny like standup routines about how absurd our understanding of of heaven. And how it's really really interesting when I gave it to Bill. I don't think he liked it. Because he was like, it's just some guy. Get over like, why would this guy know anything that? I don't know actually kind of beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. I really remember. What I remember seeing that Bill burbot and being like that is just a guy. He's just sit dude. He's played soccer. Yeah. That's what he wanted to act did when you oh my God. That was on the show where he's where your mom goes. A passer some acting because our pastor I think had been into our pets did do some acting really. And you could tell actually think are really talented preacher and everything. Well, it is it's performance. It is in the same way that being a schoolteacher is show business in the Steve Martin book. What do you what do you believe? Now is probably you don't know. I don't know. I really don't know. Sometimes I get really panicked about it. Because I missed the certainty, and I missed that even when I was doubting feeling like, well at least I'm doubting, but it's a doubt. And I know that I'm going to get over it. And I'll I'll go back to knowing what it was. And that's the part. I really miss about it like that's part of why. When I go to church it bums me out because I look at all these people who have something that I can't who are who are putting on a sweater. I can't fit into anymore like that's really tough for me. But now, I'm I'm really am trying to get to a place where I'm like accepting of the fact that I'm going to die. And I don't know what happens, and it's okay. We had a woman named Lou Arthur on our podcast. And she's a death Dula? We're she like helps people who are at the end of their life and kind of transition, and she was just talking about, you know, really like looking death in the face. And like you were saying everybody is in such denial about it all the time, which makes it all the more frightening, and so I've really been trying to kind of face that reality head on and be present in a way that isn't like that isn't coming from a place of panic. Like, okay, I have to be really present right now. Because this is this is the good part of life. And it'll be over in a second just kind of trying to appreciate it for what it is. And like, you said framing death is this adventure. Right. You know, like I tried to do morning pages in the morning and something I wrote down that I've I've been trying to write down daily to kind of get myself into. That mindset is like I'm really excited to find out. What happens when we die? Yeah. So that you're just like, oh, it's a cool thing. It's an adventure that we get to do its thing. Yeah. I one time I was very manic. And I wrote an Email to myself to Valerie actually, this kind of it sounds kind of weird, but she's used to it. And I read this at my funeral, and it was can't can you believe that? I know like, aren't you jealous? Like, you guys are over there going what happens, and I know don't be sad. For me. I'm sad for you. I'm over here going like, they have no idea because one thing is for fucking sure it's crazier just like life is crazier than anything. You could have imagined. Whatever happens after this, which I there's a Terrence mechanic where he's like God. Or the mystery is not only crazier than we suppose it's crazier than we can suppose. You're just not able that's hallucinogens were so helpful to me. It gave me an experience that was like, oh, you just can't even talk about that. It's not even worth talking about a waste of time to sort of like I said to somebody like writing a book about God or trying to write about mushrooms, or whatever is like trying to write poetry on a calculator the best you can do is boobs. That's all I got all it is. And there's something so liberating and informative about death. Where you're just like, we don't know. But like what affecting exciting prospect? Yeah. And everybody does it. And how are you going to do it talking to Ryan holiday about that? It's like it hap-. This is something that happens to all of us, but we can control his how we interpret and how we sort of negotiate how it's happening to us. So I think there's something valuable about thinking about it and trying to all of MRs about learning the die before you die. So like laying down your ego, and and kind of zooming out on the whole game a little bit. So when you're dying it's not your first taste of going. Oh, it was all kind of nonsense like or it was all play or it was all beautiful, but like having that zoomed out things. So it's not your first time feeling those types of things when you're dying. But these are these are heavy ideas. You are you don't think anything you're not sure I have no idea. I feel like it's all just the same amount of likely like there would be anything that there would be nothing. It's like that's all that's what Penn Gillette was infinite possibilities. Like, I'm not saying there's no heaven, there's no Helms there's infinite possibilities. And when you think about like this summer, I've been tripping out on the idea of Infinity. I'm such high school freshman, but it's just like, okay. There's this. There's what mood. Gee, this great Saint on YouTube, awesome talks about this nece. Or is this he calls it. So there's business, and we're all in is. No, we're all piece of business. And he goes is there a boundary beyond which is necess- not. And that's basically just a way to get you to contemplate Infinity. And when you think about Infinity if you like if it's Infinit there's room for fucking everything there's room for a universe where this is happening. And the only difference is Katie is wearing it some borough. Why would there be room for that? Yeah. Of course, there was infinite and that is fucking crazy. So we need to have a little bit of that like respect and humility in the face of this. Instead of when you say you were talking about like, you feel like your dad's views deserve to be marked. I sometimes feel that way. When I talk about the church, that's sweater that doesn't fit you anymore. I look back and go did it fit. Or was it just a bunch of emperor's new clothes where we all? Just assuring each other. That are sweaters fed, and they didn't. Because when I was there like there was still something itchy. I was just ignoring it was like suppressing it and putting it deep in my subconscious just to the left. So I wouldn't just be like, my sweater great. And would all just sort of like put it was our way of coping with a lot of panic that God didn't save my pastor's daughter. You know what I mean? And that's fucking too scary. So we would. Washer sweaters. I don't know. What would do? Yeah. But having having a faith or an understanding of the world that that has room for mystery is so important to me. So what about Jesus do you feel anything? I use really cool. Like, that's like where Matin our green. It's just a lot of it. Just I like I like that. They have those books that are only. That's what I read. I have that. Jesus says. Yeah, I love that. That's so great. No because everything gets so muddied, and I think I am still dealing with a lot of like. I guess some of its anger like with the way I was brought up and certain things that have a have. I felt sort of messed me up in certain ways that I am still working through. But I don't wanna feel that way. I wanna feel like and I talk when they should. Yeah. When I when I had that conversation with my Deborah. I don't believe this will now I can't share this with you. You're gonna be like judging my beliefs if I try to share them with you, and this is a huge part of my life. And I was like, no, I'm not like, here's the thing. You're saying I'm wrong for knob believing what you're believing. But I'm not saying you're wrong for what you believe. Like, you could be right. That's what I'm saying. I just don't know. And I'm saying what you're wrong about is. The fact that you're sure that you're right. Like, this is your podcast now. And then I leave can I get Katie, Katie Anderson grow. What if we look over, and she was wearing some girl that is just so right on I love it so much. That's where I'm at. Now. I don't know, but you're already doing this. But it's like those feelings that I think you, and I were like the anger or the uncertainty or whatever are the teacher not mean. And I don't mean the teacher that brings us back into the sweaters. I just mean, it's the thing round talks about the the lesson that you need next is right where you are. So it's like work with this as opposed to what we spent most of our youths doing which was like, oh, these don't compute, my doubt, and my anger or my frustration or whatever it might be doesn't fit into what I've been told him supposed to be it is what's supposed to. It's what you're working with and work with it. That of using all this energy to push it aside. Whether it'd be your. Fear of death or your doubt like just work with that. You already seemed free. I'm not even trying to I can't free. You you're freeing. Well, that's great wonderful staff. I do want to give you love webs. That would be a mitzvah for me. I love that. Why? If it does for you. What it did for me is there? Let's speak psychologically, again for better or worse. These ideas got into us when we were young. And there's something about a beautiful spiritual teacher like rob who can take that vocabulary. And show you that we lost the narrative that like it just got turned into us versus them. It turned into a intern into certainty worship we wanted to be in. And if we're in that means other out and even in the other sects of Christianity where like we're in there and they're out, and it's just so fucking off one of the things that rob says about Jesus he's like Jesus came back and saw that we had made a religion about him. It'd be appalled. Right. Just not what he's about. It's not what he was doing. So anyway, when you can read some of these people like Richard Rohr era bell that sort of use those stories and that on those texts to kind of show you that what you're feeling in your heart and what? Intuitively resonates with you does actually apply to some of the things that Jesus saying it heels you in a way, I don't know why like you want to go back and go like, I rescued it. And then you actually can for me. It's not easy. But it helps me build a bridge to some of the people that let's say you're dad's in third grade is it's not better or worse and just to mix it up. You're in second grade. Yeah, it's just so it doesn't sound better. We can have compassion for someone. He's just in that class, and we can understand find that common ground when we when we look at some of these books. Oh, yeah. And I think I'm pretty empathetic to where they're get mad sometimes, but it's more from a place of like on the why can't you just accept me? Like we've been talking about. But I even told him I was like I get why you don't want me to live with my boyfriend. I get why you don't want me to have sex before marriage. It's not because you're like, you know, mad at me because you love me. And you think that's the best way. And you really believe that's gonna. Hurt me. I'm telling you, it's it's not, and it was hurting me more to try the other way. But I know that it's coming from a good place. I just have to go. I don't know what's going on because I want to design like just like I didn't have some big like fuck. Yeah. I was just like I really I want us to be close. And I wanna keep you like the whole the show that we developed for ABC that didn't go, obviously. But the whole thing was about my family and living with my sisters and trying to figure out who we were as a unit because I think me and my sisters was super close. And we've kind of almost built a fort where we love each other unconditionally, and then we get together, and we campfire stories siblings or exactly what therefore then, you know, you go home for thanksgiving. And you kind of all had the conversations already so anything they say you just go. Okay. Well, we've already worked through that together. And again, it's coming from a good place the Justice league. Yes. So great. You know, it's like when I stopped eating meat. You can't go back to people and be mad at them feeding meat, especially when you consider that you ate meat for thirty three years. Yeah. You know what? I mean. Yeah. Fuck fucking. What are you doing? Yeah. Can't judge you. Yeah. This is like when I lost my faith. And I was an atheist briefly. I started judging Christians, what are you doing that was you? So this unconditional love that we're looking for we have to give it away to. And it sounds like you are I have nothing to tell you. I do have some books following up word shameless and love winds are essential. And I'll give you the ones that I have I'm gonna get shameless. Like in my car. It's it's really good. And she's going to do the podcast, and I'm super stoked. Well, we got heavy. Was heavy was okay. Have you listened to just making sure maybe we stopped trying to be funny back with the Barron has done the show. How was not done this show? He hasn't that son of a bitch. We stop being funny just named some other name at the Jon Hamm. Anyway, it was wonderful. What I'm saying? But we do to lighten it. Sometimes I say, can you think of time that you laughed really really hard in your life. You know? Yeah. I can't well my boyfriend, and I just finished the sopranos. Oh, and that I know little late. That's great. But really I'll get but it's like it's also real so Darlie by the end of it. We watched like the last four episodes in one night, we've got just so done. But there was a scene in last season where AJ AJ's hair his son was like two long. You've seen it where his son his hair is too long in the hospital, and paulie just goes come on van Helsing. Land my boyfriend laughed harder than I've ever seen him lab is good because he's like you're so perfect. And I started laughing hysterically just watching him laugh, and it was so much fun. Like couldn't breathe like crying. So so great. Oh god. Is it holds up? Oh, it's so good. Yeah. It really see. No spoiler. But the scene where there's like a parking dispute. No, a guy and his girlfriend or fighting and someone gets involved. And then he like, oh, yeah attacks there's so many. I think things that make me feel like the world isn't safe. I know it I couldn't watch it again that that's the one that. When I go watch the sopranos again, I literally think of that. And I just go I don't need to put that on the pile of sunshine that Valerie, it's it's so much. Yeah. That shows the antithesis if your wife, I think like just friends if you show you put her on one side of a seesaw and sopranos on the other. It would be perfectly equal. That's why I put my sandwich plate right in the middle that callback. What if I wouldn't end until there's a oh, God, usually a thirty minute. Call homes like now, he's still professional. Let me tell you. He is a comedian. I and quite frankly, a good ho second. Areas. I actually when I watch Chris rock special ends of the callback. I was like we didn't he didn't have to do that. I think Chris great. But I remember being like I wonder if he thought he had to do that. Oh, you think I don't know why it seemed like what you're kind of teasing the idea that. I'm like I can't close until there's a callback. It seemed like I wanted to be like, Chris it was so good. You could've just said. Thank you. But he kind of worked in a callback to be like. And that's how you into special. I'm like could've ended at any moment. It's really a compliment to him. Yeah. Something that I thought about Chris rock, please. Do this. Did you watch? I mean, I'm sure you have Ray Romano special. I didn't watch avow Val watch that I haven't seen it this really really good. Yeah. It's really cool. I was in New York running my tonight show that like I think the few nights that he was running it early. And I remember because I had a follow him both nights. And they were like they were like, yeah, he's like film and something for a special and I was like oh like B roll like in the beginning. I can work out. And so when I saw the special interest him at this like a Dolly or anything set up. It was just hand held cameras. There was the night. I was I couldn't get into see. So I don't know. Exactly. And I don't think they filmed the nights. I was there. He was running half an hour. Okay. I was there. But I they had they had something in there. But I remember someone said like, oh, he's running stuff. But it wasn't. I wonder if it was set up in such a way that the audience knew they were filming. And I couldn't tell it. I mean is there is no need. Yeah. Do it discreetly. Yeah. I couldn't tell the solar so small. Yeah. I was trying to figure out how they while. They did it. But they may have just been like, we're just doing it. Because he says he's feeling my special. Right. This is it that must be what he did, which is brilliant. Because the biggest thing you're fighting. When I when I've taped specials is like the feeling of expectation that it's the special like the audiences nervous raise. Yeah. I think I did a riff about. I think made the cut where I was like, I know you guys are nervous as well. And there's just it's just not normal comedy clubs such a safe little cocoon. Everybody's gonna laugh and now they're on the record. You know, what I mean, they some shit and look weird to not being so everybody needs to be put it ease. And that's a great way to do it. I'll definitely check. It out. Well, your podcast is called self helpless, south helpless, and you're touring and they can go to t-, Tom comedy dot com. T- Tom comedy dot com. Comedy. Whoever has Taylor talents dot com will not part with it. It's a truck company really redirects to like Tomlinson Motors. And they will not give it up. They wouldn't even let me buy those best. Yeah. Have you dead prey on it? Thank you so much. I enjoyed it. What a delight? Would you say keep it crispy? Sure, it'd be honored keep it crispy everybody keep Chris. Chris. Crispy.

Conan Taylor Tomlinson Largo writer Pete Bill Burr Netflix Jesus Google Valerie New York LA Brooklyn Charlotte Amazon headache
Taylor Tomlinson, Dan Van Kirk and Chad Opitz guest

Doug Loves Movies

1:33:17 hr | 2 years ago

Taylor Tomlinson, Dan Van Kirk and Chad Opitz guest

"Hey, I've said this guy's before the bonfire with past future Douglas movies, guests big j ogre sin and Dan Soder from comedy. Central radio is finally releasing their favorite clips as their very own comedy. Central podcast. You know, they thought, hey, if our shows go to be bootlegged, we might as well make it official. Join big, Jay, and Dan, as they let you into the life of to stand up comics with daddy issues checkout some of their best of episodes featuring Michael j Neal, Brennan, and even Andrew dice clay subscribe now to the bonfire with big j. o. Kherson and dance odor on apple podcasts, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. Enjoy the show. Hey. Hey, everybody might aim is Doug and I. I love movies. Coming to you once again from downtown San Jose at the San Jose m Brown. So excited to be back such beautiful day outside. Thank you for coming in here. Thank you for being here. They give coming here. Keep it in your pants. Here we are in the beautiful, the majestic, the ornate improv, it's a beautiful comedy theater, and speaking of ornate. Let me see some name tags. Brandin all these always delivers. He's got the Brandon Budapest hotel, and he's got lots of faces on there including his own many times. They're all you except for Bill Murray. Okay. That's that's fair. Rambo, I Mudd par to is that what that was called. But your name is Bobi be a you. What's this? Killing them softly. It's all twisted. So I can't see the name billing them softly. That sounds like a to be an ad for like a cable company. Visteon Tom possible. Good job, Tom. Eric and psycho good job. Ammon. But yeah, there's lots of great name tags and thank you guys for making the effort and bringing those and good luck being chosen. Doug plugs, listen to Douglas Minnie's for more deeds on the free show. I'm doing in Austin, Texas. During fantastic fest, Douglas movies is back at San Diego at the American comedy company on Saturday, September twenty four twenty and Douglas movies returns to the theater in LA on Tuesday, October second, for all my dates and deeds links go to Douglas movies dot com. Speaking of which. I'm so excited. We've got patched in. I hope this works patch into the phone line here at San Jose improv coming to us from San Diego at the American comedy company. It's Eddie, the eagle, everybody. Are you there? Eddie? Oh. Hey, it's it's good. It's just me Michael, Michael, he's holding the phone up to my face. Who's Michael? He's cleaning. Okay. Yeah, because you got shows later tonight right now you're just empty comedy club? Yup. Just him talking about his break up. He could Vides it you. That's all he does. He's here by himself Cleveland, and he always says, oh, my heart never manned. And one day I said, sure. Michael. Is that what brought you to life was his constant complaining about his life? I'm fueled by laughter and sadness. Two, two different types of fuel. Says, sounds pretty combustible. It is also contagious. A lot of see words. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing you again and sitting in front of you doing my show on Saturday, September twenty ninth to to Saturday's from today. I know I can't wait. You're coming back and we're going to be real. Yeah. Glad you're excited about it. We're all excited specially Michael. What. I hope we bring some laughter to Michael's life. It's sounds like he's very sad. He is. He's the saddest boy in town or chimney, Michael. I'm not letting them talk. Really. Michael on the horn. What did he say? He just cried one tier. Drive the tried that one tier, like Indian looking at garment. If you say so. I don't get out much. Is that a thing they do. Old TV commercial before your time or anybody else's, but but thank you. Eddie for call it in today. You're well good and saying, hi, it's say hi to Michael for us. I will. He said he's bringing poster to your show. He's gonna bring in. Yeah, I said it's just gonna, say boys do cry. But it sounds sounds like he doesn't understand on eight tags work. It's got it. He's got to work. It's got to work his name into it somewhere. Michael's do cry chanted. All right. Well, we're gonna keep the the line open at ECU can listen to this show. I know you're. You're just sitting there in an empty club and you also chime in whenever you feel like it. All right. I'll take you good. All right, that's city. We're going to see him again real soon. I brought a prize bag, Ralphs grocery bag that I- quired in Los Angeles where I live, and when I was at the Ralph's I purchased a fifteen dollar apps store. I tunes apple gift card to purchase premium episodes of Doug loves movies or one of my many albums or buy something else with it. I can't stand over your shoulder, make you buy my shit, but that would be nice considering I paid for it. I got a nice goodie bag from local establishment called purple load is and yes, I included a bunch of stuff that they gave me in the bag pan. Lighter twit, CPAP thingy, some some rolling papers. And then I also brought a cool wristband thing that someone made for me gave to me out on the road and it says, what does it say on says, fortune whatever that means sort of feels like sort of feels like they took this off a cat named fortune. And then gave it to me, but I'm passing that on to someone plus the Douglas movies, t-shirt and stuff brought by my three guests today who are all very talented, hilarious comedians who are as I like to say in the neighborhood. One flew in special, but we'll get all of that. You guys ready for the guests. Please give it up for Chad obits Taylor Thomason, Dan van, Kirk. Kerr. Kotlina just look at him. What's that poster over there on the stage where we're that come from. That's from you, and they're posters, four me price bag. Posters. Seems like he wanted to. Yeah, I'm super into here. Dan, if you could pass that down, let's meet our guests individually starting with our first timer today. Very happy to have her here. It's Taylor Tomlinson. Everybody. Hi, headlining all weekend here at the beautiful majestic, coordinate San Jose, improv all those adjectives. So. It's just such a beautiful theater and you know, get people come to Douglas movies. They're smart. They know that you know the bottom half of this theater is where you need to sit to get your name tag. Yeah. So the balconies fucking empty. Taylor is gonna be headlining two more shows evening two more tonight and one more tomorrow. Okay. Cool. Yeah. So come out to those if you can. Yeah, of course. Now, I know you're posters. I've given some away on the show and here's, here's a few more now on you. You help me out your road all the info I need on here because, yeah, right on Instagram. He's gone Zo the node. Our guns. Oh, the nerd, our guy like couple of Django on chains. And what else is in here? Vaneman star, loro, star, Lord. I wanna see that one. How come, how come. There's so many jangle and chain ones. The longer answer you have the better. We got ninety minutes to fill here. Sounds like a great story. Dropped one. We all Django unchained. Oh, here's a different one. There's star Lord. That's neat. Yeah. So check out stuff. You guys. You make school posters. Another one that you gave me that I still have in my bag to give away at some point is. What's his name? Dark night to face? Yeah, I would scary to look at. I have it. I have it in my check bag. I didn't because this was a one night trip, but I what my check bag when the baggage guys open the bag to look through my shit when they open it up. That's the first thing they say. This is crazy. Half burnt face. Yeah. So I hope I think that there's a bag check guy going. All right. Oh, there's another one in there. It's all stuck in there though. All right. You're taking up too much of Taylor's time. This is Taylor time. Do you like movies, Taylor? I do like movies. Yeah. So you think you'd be all right in the trivia portion of the show? I don't wanna say yes. And then like embarrassed myself, I think I'll be okay. All right and say we got two strong competitors here with you today. Starting with San Francisco, comedy fee nom Chad, Opitz, everybody. Joining us again after your delightful appearance at the. San Francisco where I was crushed by the mighty Jeff date Jeff took you for. He's pretty good at. That's. That's why they chant his name. And also it's hard to chant Opitz. It's true. Not real off the Tate is chant. Yeah, but but thank you for being back with us. Again, you're you're performing tonight here as well host and for Taylor here. Nice show is an awesome, so you're you're here last night. How'd that go? Great. Yeah. Yeah, they were both awesome. Sure. Coup. I'm asking like, I don't believe you. Probably sucked. Just put on a good face. No reason to tell the truth Druze. And finally on the panel today, a man who until just a few months ago, I thought was Mark Wahlberg. Are you guys doing? Are you doing? Good. Good feel good. What. How's it going buddy? It's going great man. Got a lot of tour dates coming up where people can see you live and yes, here how you really sound like Insein. No, it'll be a great experience for all involved. Yeah. I have a first leg of the tour that's going to be in Texas starting this week, so that'll be Houston, Austin, Dallas and then over to Baton Rouge Louisiana, and it will be announced, fuck it. I'll do it here. I, the next leg of the tour is going to roll through this area. I will be in San Francisco. I don't even have all the details yet, but I know it's going to be September up. Sorry, up to know. Eight. You know what, Dan, if you don't even know the fucking date, you don't get to do it. November fifth, so we'll be doing that then. Okay. Is it November fifth, or did you just kinda give up pick a days? I know it's right before the election. 'cause I'm like, man, I don't if it doesn't go our way. I don't want to be on stage the day after the election. So I know it's right before that. So yeah, I'll be here and all that stuff sit down over, you know what? Forget it. Maybe I'm better in a different voice. Well, you can. You know, of course you can hear Dan on the come people town. Yeah, different variation with with the Scarborough others. Come down with the scar brothers, they're evil, maniacal people, and it's a lot of porn talk. Because because there is a show called come down. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a entire show about people drenched in comedy. Really? Yeah. So it's hard to tell what they're saying. Sometimes. Probably just thank you. Oh. You're a Catholic now. Hey, they did it. I. Don't be mad at me. All right. So Dan, what do you got for the prize bag? Dude, this is good. Yeah. Should I go to? You lasted. No, I don't wanna go it up like that because I'll probably flood the description. This is a technically it opened a little bit, but I would still say sealed nineteen eighty nine. Pack of Batman, the movie playing car collector, car. Now. I have one rule if you win this and it has the picture of him crashed in the batmobile says bruised, but not beaten. You have to give it to me. That is a real moment in my childhood that for some reason, I've never forgotten and I have not looked through these. I'm on the honor system. You need to be as well. Beaten is in here, do the right fucking thing and give it to you. Bruce Manatt beaten yet. It's a picture right after he crashes. Doug eight, the cord. You go through if it's just going to give it to you. Where do you got to put pressure on the winner of the prize Bank? Can I have any prince related cards. I haven't ever has been a prince one also. If there's a picture of Bob, I'd really like that who Benjamin you. All right. Well, there, there's a Batman one in there. I would love that. They're all what if there was dark Knight was really important to me in high school. Boy, that gum looks weak. Shittiest piece of two and you're willing to eat the gum. Let me watch. Twenty nine year old gum. Did you see the most recent episode of it's always sunny in filial view? No, they everyone starts chewing gum. It's like twenty straight minutes of watching. Danny devito too. The one where they all had wine mouth. All right. So I tried to put this back together. I did not do a good job, but thank you for that. Dan, what did you bring for? Taylor. Okay. So this area of town? I thought there'd be more like weird stores and stuff. There were not. There was one, but I walked in and I felt like they thought I was gonna steal something. So I left pretty quickly some brownie mix. I thought about just getting brownies were cooked already, but I don't believe in handouts, so you've got to work for it. And then I got the Halloween addition of good housekeeping. Oh, no, right. Featuring me ever gracefully aging Jamie. Lee Curtis. Oh, my God. Looks like she's full of actively. I know, right? No one stop enough, Jamie. And then this I went to the San Jose museum and did not go to the museum. I said you guys have gift shop and they were like, yeah, and I got some some slime that you can mix confetti into on the top. Just really a real starter kit for the saddest night of your life. Whoever wins that you're welcome. I said on over here. Terrific magnum cry. That's great. I love it. What do you got for us? Chad? Well, firstly, some Burger King coupons. Actually rip too. Elmo's them because I wanted to keep a couple of them. Double bacon cheeseburger when I was like, I'm not giving that out. Good, five dollars for a Chris sandwich meal for to come on to chrysanthemums to coffees to small hashbrowns come on. Let's an amazing deal reminds me Christmas and my dad slipped a sleeve of these into my stocking. This is a hundred twenty dollars value. And then. It's coming up on fall. We got Halloween time coming. I got a scary VHS tape of the exorcist. Addition, he's still got a VHS player l. yes, but it's the twenty fifth anniversary, which was twenty years ago. Movies, old enough to be somebody's uncle. And then found on the streets of Berkeley. If you get bad dreams from that, I got a dream catcher. Oh, straight from the streets, Berkeley. And then if you still can't get to sleep, I got a can of lot anita's. Hi fi, hops with ten milligrams of THC to help you get special a grand. You're gonna go crazy. Drake that whole sitting Duda poke at fly. All right. So all of that's going in the prize bag. Hell. Yeah. Hell, yeah, somebody's gonna win. It's going to be three three bags now actually. So good luck Tabar one. But before we do that, of course, I have a question that I like to ask everybody. We'll start with you, Dan. What was the last movie that you saw? Last night? I saw predator. The predators. Okay. The predator. Aw, the predator. The original predator was just predator. Oh, this time that's the twist. Added. They also removed a scene featuring an actual sexual predator. How crazy is that that the movie's called the predator. And you know, then turns out there was a sexual predator in the movie shame, blah. Now he's cut out chamber, just go for realism. Yeah, keeping it keeping it are. So how'd you like it? Dan? I enjoyed it. I will say this should not deter anybody from seeing it, but just so you know, it is. I feel like it's heavily influenced by the marvel cinematic universe of, let's be really funny, but ashamed black as well. So he's funny stuff, Keegan, Michael key and a little and Thomas Jane Tyree. Where are you? Good. I was very surprised by his Thomas Jane. Tell me everything likes to go places with no shoes on really? Yeah. Like like like premiere of a movie or something. He'll just show put no shoes on. Was that why they did the joke that the naughty was homeless in arrested development? Yeah. Guys, I'm done. I'm done for tonight. Holy shit. No one else is rocked by the thing that everybody knew. Thing. Nobody cares about. Thing that shows you where people's priorities are wrong? Yes, people. Very good Thomas Jane's feet at all time. There's a lot of weeks and nods to the original just predator. And. But it's good. I would recommend enjoy. Go ahead ready to see some species and have a fun time. Okay. But can we say correctly pretty sure we just did. Species. Oh, it's already too close to feces. Shoot, at least not rhyme. There is somebody who to the show or this room that's gonna make their new text notification sound Hugh saying PC's. I don't think so. Taylor. What was the last movie you saw? Last movie I saw was crazy, rich, Asians, one whistle for that. Everybody else's racists. I didn't see Black Panther and theaters either. Did you. I know I, I've known this for years, but people who can't whistle are racist. Care with. Very horrible person. Did you like it? It was good. Yeah, it was really well done. Wrong, calm, like my sisters and she said that it was like watching like an Instagram account, like a really well done Instagram account, but it was a movie. 'cause everybody's just like so hot and everything's like colorful and beautiful it just it was great. It looked like a hashtag like crazy, rich Asians, and it's just like scrolling through it for an hour and a half. Come fan. Wanted to ranks for people because I haven't seen it, but I heard it's very, very good. Very good. I don't know that it's like I'm not going to be like it was like when Harry met Sally but like more inclusive, I don't feel. Very well. It's a little different than Harry. Harry met Sally, like in crazy ridge, Asians. The line is all have with that crazy rich as it is happening. Wait, how much is it? I don't want to know anymore. If I'd take it back. Asian is crates. That's the way too much to spend. Okay. Well, that's yeah. I I saw I for some reason. It didn't didn't really speak to me personally. It's, you know, it's two hours long long, our yes, little long for my taste, but you know. It's a pretty movie. I'm happy that this success light pretty movie. Yeah. It's frustrating to me that everyone sits around going, oh, people will watch a movie with agents. Yeah, they will Hollywood and black people like get it together. Just make more movies for everybody. Oh, people will watch a good movie. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It doesn't even have to be good. I mean, people think it's good. I didn't, but. Did you not like it or did you not good? It was rough. I have a hard time with it like I thought of the funnier thought it'd be more of a comedy. And like you said, it's more like an Instagram account? Yeah. Which are usually not chock full of laughs. Nice to look at. Yeah. These rich, they're successful. There they exist. This is real. You know what I mean? Like that's like the movie studios sit around. I can't believe people go see a movie full of Asian people use the most insane concepts. Yeah, I didn't walk out of that going on Asian people. I walked out going like I gotta make more money. It's going to be honest, I went in. I was just looking for two species. That was a good people moving. These ancient people have taught me anything. It's that you have to make more money and have less babies. Why is that a thing. Thing like Thomas Jane's shoes that's up thing. What do you say Chad? I mean, what do you think we want facts? What last movies I watched this one called autopsy of gene. Oh, that was really good. Highly recommended for spooky. Okay. It's good for our. We see over race again to Hollywood Halloween season. We should start recommending scary. It's scary thought, so. Okay. Good creeper, Brian Cox, who I really like Brian. Cox. Gray. Awesome. Underrated solid stuff. All right. That's your Simon, everybody. What's it called again, autopsy of Jane. Autopsy of Jane Doe sounds like she's dead already and that no one knows who she is. Who is this? Jane Doe turns out her name's actually Jane dove. We gotta find out. That'd be fucked up. I wonder how many Jane does John does like when they die? People just don't know what to do. We don't know who who this guy is our exist. Corp sake. Real read. I exist. All right. Well, that was all great answers to migrate question. It's an, I have to say, turn it off. Berg. Lurk. Got name tags, lots of beautiful name tags. 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Get your first shipment free when you use special promo code DL just pay five dollars shipping. Again, that's b. l. u. e. chew dot com. Promo code deal to try it. Free flu, the better cheaper, faster choice. All right. We're back great job. Everybody. Extremely civilized name tags, election process. Everyone was very calm. I appreciate that. Nobody in the balcony got picked apologize. Everybody up in the balcony who you playing for Chad. He's been chased thrown through window and arrested. Eddie Murphy is Detroit cop on vacation and Beverly Hills, and Trevor Lee hills. It's not Murphy, white guy what a twist. Yeah, you should have put over Eddie Murphy on that tile. Said, you know, Trevor is a Detroit car. But so that's a good one. Big fan of that movies. It's a good one. It's fun. Good job. Trevor? Yeah. Okay. What do you got there? Taylor that looks like the best name tag ever made says, oh my God, I'm playing for this is my cousin. Nikki. So I'm guessing that's your name. It's on a, it's on my cousin, Vinny post, whoa. Oh, you got it. Okay, cool. And I picked it because it's got a whole bunch of shit glued around it. There's a, there's a Tito's bottle and a bunch of candy, and she glued some like two packs of hostess donuts on it. I am Joe. Daddy's this. Do you want this back after or can I take. No ideas. They bribed you into picking that. Okay. Yeah. Oh, sweet. I was like, maybe if I pick this, I like score a Twix off of those, but I wasn't sure if you wanted it back. This is a lot of work. And if you have your Instagram photo yet, I don't want to or or if you need some insulin issues, we cover scored all of that shit fun. These Donna, right. What's that? We're open these done. It's what did you say that? Are you having a stroke. Continuously fucked. Correctly. How about that. I feel like we should peanut butter cou. I'm taking the Twix now. I've never seen a receipt. This small little tiny. Yeah, that's a door. Culture. So I gotta have one of those. Yeah. Oh my God by a new drink appeared on my table. That was kind of a Supercell fee. What do you got? Dan? First time I've ever picked an tech in the front row decision today, and I went with billing them softly. That's a nice works at a collection agency, and he doesn't want you to know his name. Bill. Turks, beautiful hair. Yeah, great. Look at, you look great on that poster. Yeah, total lords of flatbush. It looks good. That is a really nice. Good job though. A lot. Yeah. All right. So those are the people that are you guys are playing on behalf of, and I've put together a series of games and the first one we're gonna play is Alex is Jason Deb's. I am game. Yeah, we haven't played that a minute. Casey don't. I don't know if CHAD'S played this before. I know Dan has, but Taylor basically, the idea is that everybody's IMDB page. Every actor and actress has a four movies listed as best known for and it's a weird algorithm. That's lots of things go into determining what they're best known for is tends to be things like, did it win awards to make a lot of money? Do a lot of people click on it on IMDB. And so basically ideas, I'll start listing off somebody's top four. And as soon as you think, you know who the person is buzzing with your own name, say Taylor. If it's, you know, you Taylor and Dan, I jazz Danny Jad Taylor and then I'll call on you. And but the idea is, if you if you go into early, you know, could be a lot of different. Actors, especially in that first movie could have a lot of different people could be the answer. So be careful because it's negative one point if you guess incorrectly, but you get bonus points for each additional movie. You can name that's in that person's top for once you're the first person in to get the name, correct? You got this Dan, got, you're kind of looking at me like you don't remember. I was just trying to talk myself out of eating half the things on Taylor's closer. Sure you don't you. I quick snack for. We do this kind of I wanna I wanna receive peanut butter coop. You want to got a couple of kids. I'm so building a community up here. Thank you so glad. There's no almond joy. Do do all the things in your life. I'm here to into the hotel. Okay. Okay. Here's the first round. And this is just between the people onstage. You guys are great audience so far. So I don't think you're going to yell out answers. You never know. Who's best known for starts with roadhouse roadhouse Daniel Daniels buzzing in already. There's a lot of people in roadhouse dude, I know which one do you think it is Sam Elliot? Correct. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Dead. Take a laugh. Take a laugh. That was impressive. Yeah. All right, Dan. So that's get one point for that. And there's three more movies listed only Dan gets to guess, and I can't be allies. Right Dame. Three more note just named three more Sammy, Elliott movies, movies that he was in and for each one you match, you get an extra point. Tombstone. That was quite the battle of the mustache is that. Is it in there. Three and then stone prancer France, sir. Prequel the roadhouse. Roadhouse or. Prancer, fuck very drunk with his shirt, half on done, like yellow room. Yeah, but I'm gonna just for a sake of it up in the air. Right? Because he's the guy that shows up with George Clooney a million miles. Yeah. Yeah. What can I change it? You have an answer. Can I change one? It just came to me. I think your answer's locked in. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah, all wrong. Three, they went with big lebowski. We were soldiers and the hero. Well, that means we're just living world where enough people don't respect prancer. I don't know. I don't wanna live in that world. All right. But you got a point, Dan, you're on the board one point. Thank you. Go second round who's best known for starts with much Chad, take kills. Chat, Tae kills Daniel. Are you kidding me with this ship? Point to spare. That's true. You do have a point to lose that you could lose right now. What's your answer. Dany trail incorrect. You're knocked down to zero. You're out for this round. Oh, yeah. Just between Chad Taylor. The second title sin city a Dame to kill for. Chat, Tae kills sin city a Dame to kill for. All right. Here you go. Third title. Sometimes it's not films sometimes other things sneak in there. And in this versuns- best known for their third credit is called lady Gaga featuring beyond say. Telephone. Shad Chad who is lady Gaga that is correct. Okay. There's no way it's lady Gaga. Right? Like I was gonna say, beyond her name is right there in the title. One more title left Chad. If you name it for lady Gaga. Has to have been released already. It has to be a thing, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a movie. Doug loves music videos. No, right. I don't know. That's the first time a music videos come up. Somebody's top four credits. Do you have anything else to guess? Yes, stars born coming out in Tober, but that wouldn't be on there. Starting trailer because that's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, great. Great. Trailing people voice, but they don't like my say. Who was that. She had like a really popular music video. I didn't see it was someone's nee Alejandro. That's your guests. That's my guess. Oh, that's my roommate's name. She's been on American horror story. Oh. Yeah, you're not into the documentaries like the documentary that's about her. No, that's interesting. Yeah, just weird. Telephones on there. They do try to lean towards movies so she wouldn't. She has been in a couple of the didn't try hard enough, right. Come on. Anything beyond season is basically a movie, like right. Walking down the street should be one of v. credits. Around. Beyond say, forgave, Jay z is the first one. Deep thought. Has one point Dannon Taylor, bringing up the rear with all the not points. Who's best known for starts with silver linings playbook. Taylor here we go Taylor. What do you got Bradley Cooper Bradley? For getting. Really, you could take this home if you if you can name any additional. Bradley Cooper movies, you get three guesses. Okay. All right. I'm gonna say. What was that will Emmett. Lis- limitless. Okay. The hangover. Oh, there's three of those. Yeah. I was gonna say the hangover, two. I've seen where part of like is it over to what I say? Limitless? The hangover. Doing great. Third kinda wanna pick another hangover just because of that. I go over over three hangover to. Okay. Al- incorrect, really. They went with American sniper American hustle. Okay. That reminds me I'll be at the American comedy company. Twenty nine. And then guardians of the galaxy, the original, what now known as. Because he's because he's the voice of one of the greatest characters ever lived Email. You should reach out. What what still. I forgot you're on the line. So it's good to hear from you. So that means the Dan. Sorry, buddy. You're out Taylor and Chad each have one point, so we need to do a tiebreaker. So good luck to both of you. Like I said, Dan, just. Hang out over there. If you yell at your own name, I will not call on you. Well, we'll all note exactly when you yelled out. Okay. Case, you wanna Shaw. Okay. Who's best known for starts with the adventures of Ford Fairlane. And then the second title blue jasmine. Chad, what do you got Chad Andrew dice clay. That is correct. Don't even eat guests for movies if you can't. If you want to. Any other Andrew dice clay vehicles you could take of brain smasher a love story. That's really thing. Actual movie title I want to Teri. Hatcher is the full title, brace Bashar a love story. What else? You got dice rules. Okay. They went with entourage and pretty in pink pretty paying. Yeah. Even pretty in pink. He's about, sir. I don't even know about outside of a bar, nightclub place, kind of thing. All right. So that means Chad won that game. Everybody. So much more ahead of you that you have to accomplish today. Now, how did we do with the? Did anybody bring donuts today? Well, there's there's some on this board. Daddy's those super dismissive. Super. Just smaller. I'm not a fan of those little powder donuts, but I just wanted. Okay. Yeah, no, super. That gimme. Because the last time we did Doug loves movies here at San Jose, improv, there's a miscommunication and lots veal donuts, the all got confiscated at the front door because you know it's a nightclub or you're not supposed to just bring donuts, but you don't wanna live in that world either. Right. I mean, every night clubs just people showing up with doughnuts. Yeah, but wouldn't that be. But wouldn't that be cool? Fit of a bunch of people brought doughnuts. Right. When they do they do a theme or something like that? No, yeah. Funny to me is like they're like, hey, we've got somebody came up to me and said, hey, we've got a whole stack of donuts. Yeah, for you because they just assumed people were bringing them like as an offering to me directly like, Doug, we've got all your doughnuts. We put it on the altar. They don't. They don't realize I want that donuts to end up on stage, and then I wanna throw them the audience as about to do right now. Who would like a little chocolate Donut? E open your mouth? Yeah. Oh. Guy, he does. Shit fell on a baby. Really landed on a baby. Casing cracked at this school. I should've picked that name who else on. On. Yeah. I want to throw one Chad watching people go hand to hand to mouth on the dole. I'm going back there. Third grow. Taylor, Dan throw one toss. They're melting. Just try to throw a right. Bed job branded. Just throw it right into somebody's mouth. Dan. Wait, that's your mouth. You just threw it into cauda. He better eat it. We're gonna share this together. Ready. I love. All right, great job guys. What's Dan doing Now, Dan ordered an orange juice, and now he's being creative. You're not allowed to put your own Tito's in that one. What is it a donor. What against the Neil can't put it if can't bring donated here. Kids start making grandma's pretty. To get through the day with these. Oh, grandma just needs us. My readers digest and let's go to bed gets. Little receipts was really good berry. I wish they make. I think. Cubs should be really tiny. There's one more even smaller than that. Now I'm good. I want. I want them to be. He's throwing there. Grow, maybe check the stage. I'm sorry. Shit. Sorry, over here. Hands up buddy. I thought you'd pass out already for the listener at home. Chad is giving away all the goodies. Sorry. Dan's drunk already. Grandma's fine. Kids start the car for me. You got to do it, then we'll start. Chad gets to go first at our next game, it's called whose tagline is it anyway. I'm gonna say the tagline from a motion picture Chad, and you get one and one guest only of what movie it is in a few don't get it right. Then we move to Taylor and then today on and get one shot at it, nobody gets it will reveal the answer. We'll move onto the next one. Jad what movie the tagline. Sometimes one dream is enough to light up the whole sky. Sometimes one dream is enough to the whole sky nightmare on elm street. Times dream. You know what this, this almost sounds like prancer doesn't that says, this is a callback to sometimes one dream enough to light up the whole sky. Oh, man. October sky. That is correct. All right. Jabs on the board you go first on this next one Taylor. What movie has the tagline misery? Loves family. History. Family? Is it a. I'm I might be wrong. Is it his the family stone. The stone family. That's a movie. Yes. Stone, not at the no family stone stone? No. D. It's wrong either. Line, the high heart, the Cooper's or something came out a couple years later, seemed like the same movie. Yeah, but dying keyed and didn't die of cancer. She lives through the whole thing. But she loves Christmas, movies, dies incorrect. Yeah, no, I got that. Zig really good guests, though that would that that tagline hip perfectly. For that movie. Dan misery loves family. Home for the holidays. Oh, another great guests. Thank you. Got the correct answer. Is it hills have eyes. Just one guess dammit. Chad thinking like Texas, chainsaw personally misery loves family. Taylor has played before that themes emerge in this particular game. So wait a minute. The last one was Tober sky. I don't know anything. Maybe maybe this one is Vanilla Sky. Oh, helps me not at all. But okay. Misery loves. Oh, okay. The cable guy, cable guy. Ma'am. Loves family. Mathilde. I don't know, man said better gas, veto earlier in my mind. Can't get him out of my head. You should never your mind should never leave. Danny devito. It's hard. It's hard to this was is was kind of a tough one. I must admit because it was a little seen movie. There was it was pretty ambitious but didn't work out. It's called August, osage county. Oh, ARGUS. Sage count. All right. So that means we are back to tailor to start us off again. What do you think is what movie is this tagline from in the harshest place on earth love fines away. Made the harshest place on earth, love fines away. This is so frustrating, Jeff. Goldblum famously said life fines away. Talking about Carris chaos theory is this. Is March of the penguins. That's actually really clever. Wrong possible ever to get enough credit for that. I'm not. I am not you around. What did you say? I said, March the ping, that's correct. Yeah. Outside paid for your ticket. That was fucking beautiful. Art. All right, amazing felt like when I guess my boyfriend's middle name after only hearing at once. That is a good feeling really. How can I trick this person telling their birthday. But what was that? What time you heard is Dame? Like he told it to me one time, I think, and then I couldn't hear. But through the pillow. Of the. All right. So. That means that we got two players on the board, Chad and Taylor. Both have appoint star with Dan on this next round. Dan, you have a chance to make a three way tie participate in the tiebreaker. What movie has this tag? Ally, dad. Oh, let me recap. October sky, August, osage county and March of the penguins. Right is only to think of pre you giving me the lines. What will be the tag live, three relationships, three disasters, one last chance. So yes. So these fucking tagline is full of math. I don't know why they think anybody wants to figure this puzzle out here. Give it to me just hold more time, three relationships, three disasters, one last chance. Got Tober sky, ARGUS, osage county, March of the penguins and Benny June. To douse great gas, you don't believe that two people into disasters. Chad, what do you think. Three relationships, three disasters, one. Disaster disaster three. Aster, green relationships to be your bowl, one last three relationships, three one last chance. Garry Marshall's fourth of July. Okay. That's not a thing. I don't know what it is. Unfortunately passed away during pre production. That was a holiday didn't get to lose time. He'll eat hilly managed to do three of them, I think. But I'm gonna tell you await Taylor gets to guess. Relationships, three disasters, one last chance. Yup. Of that where the game, if the game was repeated back. The new nail. Really. What's eating Gilbert grape. Got his brother is mom and that lady. No. I mean like that's what's funny about that title. There's plenty of things. Yeah. Eating Gilbert grape, like he's got a lot to deal with not to mention the fact that he's Johnny. He's got to deal with that. This was a tricky one. I mean, I thought March of the penguins was a tricky one, and you figured that out. But this movie is called definitely, maybe. Oh, definitely. Maybe our idea and you gotta sit this out again. All right. You're not on the board. We have one tiebreaker. I'm gonna say this tagline and you guys both can guess often as you like until somebody gets it, you don't even have to wait your turn. We've got Tober sky March of the penguins, August, osage county, definitely, maybe. And this final tagline for you to guess as often as you like. A story of innocence lost and courage found prancer. Let me see if I see how that fits in October sky in March of the penguins. August county definitely may be, how does that one fit may be. Scam. All right. I'm gonna say the line again, and then I'm gonna start giving clues started saying things that I know about this movie. Okay. And you guys can guess a story of innocence lost and courage found August rush. Oh, great. Tempt. No. It stars, the lead character. It's based on a real person and the lead character's name is Ron. Oh, anchorman. Last name is in burgundy. It's Vic. And he's in a wheelchair born on the fourth of July, that is correct. Chad, God it with four on the fourth of July. I almost got it the last time. Yeah, right. That's amazing piece of trivia to that. Tom Cruise was born in fact on the third of July. Wow, very interesting. Thank you. Chad. I really appreciate that adding that after my boring piece of trivia. Theory, interesting for the listers. He was also smoking pipe and looking really smart. By that. You did win that game. Chad. Congratulations. We are cruising into the final game that's going to determine at all, and it's a little something we call last man. Stanton. I will get pre chosen audience member to tell me the name of an actor actress, casually. We do director, but that's, that's a lot tougher actor actress. And then you guys take turns naming movies that person was in. I like. I like to play along. That's why don't know who it's going to be in advance. Where is Johnny? Danger zero one zero. Dude. How why? The zero one zero. At the end of Johnny danger. There's previous Johnny danger. All the other ones. Nine hundred zero zero through nine. We're all take. It's you had to go. Two zero one zero. Interesting. Did you know speaking of things that are interesting? Did you know the Tom Cruise. Does your last time really danger born. Daydreamer is metal. That was pretty good. How was that? March of the penguins joke. That was real tight. His last name is a S-curves. So Johnny. What do you think? What's the name for us to us today? Danny trip. Danny. Oh, sure. Of course. It's been a guest on this show. It was a delightful gassed. I haven't tried to get him back because he also had a look at his. I the whole time, like I'm lucky to be alive. I'm yeah, he wasn't United. Danny t. All right. We have played him once before on the show, not an easy one. So that means we have to go back into the crowd and get a second name so that we can actually have a game here. Where is law Baru. Lob routes where, oh, hey, hey, hey, Bruce. What does that mean? Bruce. It's a nickname from your last name is your last name? Douche. Can you say your last name or is it you keep a secret the brewery? Oh. Oh. All right. Love Reuss actual first name. Travis. Okay. True. Do you have a luscious mullet. Yeah, that's what I was wondering too. Oh, man. Look at that. Oh. A party back there. There's a small amount of business of run and a lot of party. It's fucking party in the bag. W cared a song about that guy in the front bonnaroo in the back. So people just stay for the nice quiet party to mess with bonnaroo. What do you think Bruce, what you got a better name than Danny trio. Tom Cruise. Okay. Right. I should keys myself because when it comes to Tom Cruise to, I feel like I'm on beatable. I think we just used his name recently too. But let's so let's see what happens. Maybe I'll push myself to try to come up with Danny trae home movies. He's Jerry trails, one hundred movies, but he always got it comes in, you know, threaten someone. You know, gets into a fight, either dies or kills the person or something, but we did. We did already mentioned one of his movies earlier earlier in the show. All right. So Chad one that last game. So he starts us off, then we'll go to Taylor and dad and me, and you get one lifeline, you guys, you can go to the person on your name tag one time. If you can't think of trae ho or a cruise movie. Chad, get us go mission, impossible. Okay, mission colon. Impossible. Where does those mission impossible the weirdest title because it's basically like saying the tile of movies mission, right? It's also impossible. We should also add and by the way. An impossible mission. At that. Taylor topgun. Okay. Interesting. Move. Dan born on the fourth of July. Yeah. Vote on the third of July. Go ahead, say, take kills. I'll say just straight up with Chester. Now I saw a take hills, and I think I even asked. Danny trae hill about this. I forget what his answer was, but ima Chetty kills have the characters referred to as much Hatay and the other have referred to as machete. Daddy trail uses both. Because he's by legal. Thank you for finally, finally clearing out for me, I'd probably go to the show. I'm not gonna talk, but he has any bilingual conversation jumping in. I'm jumping. Taylor. I'm scared I don't. I think I think. Trails, the scary, Mexican. Okay. That sounds like a Trump quote. I've never seen Chetta, but I'm like, I know the guy from that building a wall to keep out. Yeah. We need him now more than ever. I said, which Etay chop down that wall what spy kids? Yes, very good. Was the first by kids did have? No. Subtitle, it was just bike. It's just okay, straight up straight up. That'd be a good name for spike spike straight up. Conair. Okay. Yeah, that's a good one me again. Okay. So I'm going to say, you know, because no one else said it kind of just lay it out there. Bishop impossible to. Jared rainman. Okay. Daler mission. Impossible, ghost protocol. Yeah, got too much credit for that. Y, dad mission, impossible, rogue nation, o r n I like to say, where does your sometimes people are like there's one called registered nurse. Okay. I don't know why we skipped missing impossible three. Remember what towards have titles, which ones don't. Well, the first three don't. Did you pick mission? Impossible. Three, okay. Vanilla Sky. Okay, early, we do. Thanks for the tip. Lots of Tom Cruise movies come up Taylor eyes wide shut. Yes. Dan, the middle sky, he just said a two seconds ago sky too. Sky thought of trying to think of one. I just not a bit. I didn't hear it. Then I will go with risky business. Good change out. Sometimes you just got to say what the fuck. Okay. I'm just going to say it because it's funny. Mission, impossible fallout. Indeed, there is now. Chad, Jerry Maguire. Oh yeah. You had me at Gerry lost me McGuire. Taylor? Oh my, I'm thinking of two and I can't remember the names of either one. I'm really blanking out here. Interesting. Well, you can go to your lifeline. Nikki. How me out Mickey from dusk till dawn trae. I would've never got that really long vampire, right? Yeah. Good job, Dan. Yes. We'll go. So many cruises agree. A few Danny trae house left. Did anybody see, say days of thunder yet know that I will. Thank you. I'll go all the way back to the beginning of town crew come on. Don't do rear first big screen. Appearance was in endless love really. Chair. American-made, whoa. That was interesting that he. Played a maid. Steagall to maid in Manhattan. Swap out. We're swapping out Lopez for Tom Cruise. I would love to Ray Eric and made made in Tom Cruise. Right. Taylor interviews, vampires. Now, that's a perfect example of somebody who comes back after using their lifeline because you just paying attention thinking of other time, cruise, movies, wondering still Danny trae ho is. Danny van? Kirk? Yes. What do you got magnolia? Oh, of course. Go back to. I just love you a love to go early TC, come on, man. I'm saving these saving their early. Are you saving the outsider. A little deeper, although the firm the firm, yes, possibly the first time we got to see him run in a suit. That last us all those pre dental work, Tom Cruise movie, so good at running. Oh, think of another one Taylor. I am trying so hard to remember the one he did with Emily blunt. Oh yeah. The name of it where they, we tagline was like live diver? Yeah. Yeah. I think. Audience audience. Mouth big word to her. Is it? Yes, it is. Oh my God. Soon as you don't say it, I'm going. A road trading. I want to say like I want to say day after tomorrow, but I know that's not right because if driving this guy crazy, I, it's going. You're like the inside of my brain right now. It's also wearing a matching tie vest. So everybody shade great Dr. Can you spend? Can you stand up again? So I have more time to think of it. God. Is it like to give edge of tomorrow? Are you? Yes. He gave it to you as a friend. I know I on now. What's your answer to more? That's correct. Gonna happen when it comes back around again. Dan tropic thunder. Yeah. Do you mind if I go early again? Go ahead. Did you have losing it. I was gonna say. Lose lose, lose. I'm gonna say bad ass. Trey. Yeah. Okay. You sit on trails. We're back around Taylor, Jack Reacher. Down feeling. He's going to Bill ready to do this. Early leads in? Yes, yes. Send on that legend. Ban billing if he didn't, if he wasn't able to successfully help you like that. I bet you Bill. Sit there wishing he was far and away. I'm sitting on the way you went your life while you're sitting far away. A good strategy sometimes go mid to early on that my right and you're right? Yes. Why I did that. The game over here. Bad asses on the by you really? Yeah. I think it's the third. Oh, wow. You're a regular expert on these every movie. Sounds like a porn to me. Some of them are. Okay. Well, a second. Let me think. Oh, yeah. Cocktail. Order way out. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you have anything to. Strategy to disoriented, Doug. Okay, good. You didn't even have to do anytime. Just happened just thought real hard near you. Dan. Dan night. Oh. That's what it's called. It is day. What is say, hang on you, what do you say? I would like to say Jack, Richard, never stop. Settled down everybody. You've said two things incorrectly. Pick one of them and then say it right. Night and day. Spell. Shit. Kate. We're on the same page. We get this. I'm getting say. Rock of ages. Nice. It's almost like he played this game in the last two weeks. Mommy. Oh, of course, the mummy. Horrible movie. Yes. That's how bad that movie was. I was watching part of it in my hotel room last night, and I did not think to say it. Tom Cruise doing. You just going down on the plane. There's a plane crash in it. I didn't see that part. I saw the port with the Mont the mommy. What you turn on a movie just hit fast forward. No, is was on the hotel TV. Yeah. I can't think of any you're out. I might be I might be because I was going to you said the other Jack rains. Great effort. Yeah, I don't think 'cause I was gonna say Jack Reacher too, and that's not right. You already said he didn't say it right. I got it right. Why won't say it right? My guess was Jack Reacher two. And if it's not that I was going to say the sequel. So, yeah, I got nothing. Dad minority report. Finally, some of white person said. Seems like a lot of you guys, you know, Taylor's out Chad and Dan or close to being out like very, I feel like some time to play taps. Do you have it all. Your knowledge of early t. c. is baffling. What had happened man. Color of money. Oh, very good. Danny trae ho. Got any Dan. I know we still, there's still some Tom Cruise's out there for sure. I know just don't know what they are. Could ever hold up their posters again, really quick. Yeah, he's probably on a few of those. Now. I didn't even prepare well enough to have a good joke answer. Tom thurs. Lizanne is in that one movie is all life. Of Tom Cruise. Oh shit. I thought. Try that he was in that movie worries. All. Look at me right now. I want you to look at me when I'm talking thick, you're out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. For sir. Yeah. Just talk. Just talk like a guy who just finished his intervention. Yeah, man. Fuck. You know what I'm out. Okay. I fucked this up the last time I tried to say, okay. So I hope I say right this time. I said that a lot lamps reliance, God dammit. Chad, bad, asses. The sequel, daddy trails, fat ass starring Oakland legend. Danny Glover. Winner. Okay. Never remember. It's live lambs for lions. Dan's gonna have another Tito's. Times at your grandpa left us. Is there any good left on your name? Tag Taylor stuff. There's a good amount Snickers bars. Milky Way that's like it's knickers without the. All yours to keep did even mentioned the poster. Yeah, my cousin naked head of any. It's great. I got the picture picture of me from the high court. I'm the judge. Yeah, I could be in that movie. I could. I could say, what is the u. Let's do some weight. So where's Trevor? We're, there you go, Trevor, here's all your prizes. Gravelly joy that dream catcher. Be sure to share some of those Django posters because there's more than one you'll need one. And then here's your poster back. Trevor if you wanna, do you wanna back. Sleaze Burger King, kicking it over to. They have expiration dates. So yeah, they're like eight days from now. You gotta use all of them. Greet BK Challe. A week. Let's do some plugs starting with you. Dan van, Kirk, got the tour come and tell us more about that this week on the eighteenth I will be in Houston, and then on the nineteenth in Austin, and then the twentieth Dallas. And then the next day in Baton Rouge Lafi at you can go to all all that stuff. You can go to Daniel van Kirk dot com. And you can also listen to me every week on the show podcast dump people that I host the scar brothers and the show ten pals host with where we Scoble. Cool. Thanks. Thank you man. I was just sitting here reading the shit heads while you're talking. I appreciate it. Couple of good ones. Yeah, we'll we'll tease for later in the podcast. Get people to stick around how many more time crews do you know what how many more Tom Cruise is? Do you know. Oh, well, there's another one I was toying around with. Oh, I should have just said, awesome powers Goldmember because he has a cameo at the beginning of that. Yeah. But why? Why do you ask just feel like there's like two dozen. There's definitely more what did we miss. All the right moves more the world, the world. Few good men last samurais Samra. Yeah. Oh man. He's made a lot of every. This makes you feel real dumb, but then sometimes you get to show at Doug or any brings an audience member up and they see how this goes when you're sitting here, that's got to be great. It's rewarding. Some guys steal some real personal Shetty said, Danny trae ho was in the Mexican. Oh, no play. Talk about who Danny trae who's been in there. What there is like. That's not. That's not our business PC's for you. Taylor Tomlinson. What did he got to plug just for live dates, go to my website. I didn't prepare for this and it feels like trying to remember it. Tom Cruise movies go to t- Tom comedy dot com. For that. And then I also have a podcast every week called self helpless. So go check that out. What happens on that? It's me and two of my friends were also stand up comics, Kelsey, cook, and Delaney Fisher. And we, we review self-help shit and have guests and decide whether or not it's horsh it or not. I love now. That sounds awesome. Chad Opitz on hosting tonight and tomorrow for the great Taylor Tomlinson here at this. He likes my knowledge of Danny trae ho information then by ticket for tonight or tomorrow, bad ass. Sad. Ass. So bad ass. And I'm sure we'll see you again on this show Chad and all you guys. Thank you one more time to Dan van, curb Taylor Tomlinson and Chad. Oh, wait for say, thank you for staying on the line here. Crying. So if we could go. Moping to me my goal. On september. I hope he does Gil himself before I get there. Well, if he listens to you won't be here. Okay. All right. Well, thank you look forward to seeing you again you. Can you give us a call. Douglas movies is going to be making its first appearance at the Reno Tahoe comedy club on October six, four twenty. I did stand up there few months back and everyone was like comeback Douglas movies, and I said, okay, but I gotta go to San Jose and a few other places. I and we all agree to that. That's how it happens. That's why I come back here to to San Jose because you guys are always terrific crowd, and I appreciate you coming out every time and thank you to the improv and we'll I gotta I'm gonna run in play HQ. It's. Guys aren't is obsessed with it as I am. It's a, it's a daily trivia game. You can play on the internet. You just download HQ app and it's going to go off right now at six o'clock Pacific time. So I'm going to do that. But then after that I'll be the only takes ten or fifteen minutes even less if I do poorly, and then I'll see you guys out on the sidewalk if anyone wants to meet up and exchange things. No, no. Doughnuts, I don't wanna reach these PC's. You guys know what I want. Cima man with a simple plan. As always get the the music ready. There's two of these in the second one's long. One shitheads are shit head. Yeah, right. And the person that buys two items at Taco Bell and pays with one hundred dollar Bill. So everyone has to wait while the cashier finds change is a shift at.

Danny Jad Taylor Shad Chad Dan Doug eight Tom Cruise Texas Eddie Murphy Instagram Michael San Jose Danny devito Bill Murray Thomas Jane Ray Eric Taylor Tomlinson Jay z Kherson Visteon
Taylor Tomlinson - Asleep With the TV On

Dumb People Town

52:42 min | 1 year ago

Taylor Tomlinson - Asleep With the TV On

"Starving where they lack back breaking down a half on to say take with komo's take a town. He's in another another episode of dumb people town population you had j. You sound great. I'm dying over here. Dying jesus taylor tomlinson <music> guess what is happening great intro. I'm sure she really appreciated that. I loved it much energy that i wanted to cry the tears welcome to the show intros one that feels it's not about me at all. It's just that stage edge animation just do a voice memo to play this witch the <hes> she's gonna use that now for all of her animation intra auditioning. How do you want me to bring you up. Can you say my last name. Your kid head like your voice is haunted. Dan dan dan kirk is here. <hes> we're all friends. We were all admirers of your comedy and i and proud of you and saif you that you're on a new network show. Thank you that we'll talk about later. We won't get into it now. We'll get into that later but first we have dumbness to to get to the world is getting dumber. I don't know if you believe that or not or deeply. The world's getting dumber. I don't know it feels like we should be getting smarter because we have the internet and it feels like it's we because we're using the internet incorrectly. That's what it is so the internet to me and this is just hearing. You say that actually sparks this. Everybody feel everybody who does a serious amount of drugs like you're only using ten percent of your bryn so like are we is the internet like our brain. It's become a brain and we're only using the ten percent that we jerk golf with. Is that what's happening. That's so accurate. Okay thank you put that in our comedy but stopping jason you're still is it all right and you call tyler thoroughly. No that's not what it is so the idea is we need. He did get into the other ninety percent of it yeah well one of the things we try and do on this show is trying to understand on behavior in dang ticket down a notch shit and in and defeat it with comedy. There's our sword comedies. You guys are just running around the internet putting out fires basis or throwing some college avak gets up. Hopefully people listen to this and they hear what someone did that stupid and instead of feeling like your attention is validating the dating that they feel like oh. I better watch myself. I think people in two things here the the intended hope that and you you out there listening you will interact with this you interact with with our show but my hope is that they feel better about themselves for whatever dumping they've done in their lives so like well. At least i'm not you know this. This is my head's not stuck into tailpipe. I put a country music festival exactly and maybe it is covered on the shore. They're they're laughing at just that the ridiculousness and they're like we need to do. I i need to do one smart thing today to counterbalance all the stupidity that's happening. Show okay. You can inspire people all right dan. Do we have a story this guy tyler tomlinson. I think this is sending by joe. Latrell at the gentleman joe is dude. Send so many great stories in he sits by. I think he scans the internet nightly like it's a police scanner and looks for and stuff and like he's crushing it. He's the he's getting so much stuff on. The also tells people when they've sent me fake story stories so i don't have to. He's not real. Thanks joe is so <hes> taylor what happens is people find the stories and the best way to do it is just to to <hes> at daniel van kirk hashtag dumb people town and they provide the time on so you can see who sent it in first then we can give credit. Yes <hes> that is the way to do. This guy had missile many great when he gets it in. I a lot just takes place in cocoa florida. I really wish not a great star. I'm aware aware we're starting. Am i wrong in assuming that we are by now. Every state has a two letter abbreviation right. Yeah yeah the amount of time. This is les f._l._a. Period florida's even doing that but we were so many times i see this. I think that like journalism take certain liberties with how they want to abbreviate kowit. Can we blame lou reed we can but i love miami f. l. a. cocoa florida because i how much better wrestler how how the s coco beware how how much of a better better of a movie would cocoa the disney pixar movie. If it was cocoa florida that's for sure solid so he learned the smoke meth in the land of the day and spirits. It's not the land of the dead. It's just like a trailer park and the shrines to the pupil loss would just be anything you want at a carnival or god j. Actually j. started disappear. I actually think something turning this title florida version none. None of the dads come back a town full of deadly backwards. Coco beach sounds like a resort men who abandoned the families go to deadbeat dad add heaven god just like pool tables out on the beach for some time support comes from the child when they eh child that checks from him every week <laughter> don't go florida stolen black cadillac crashed into coco home overnight while being chased by another stolen car which sped off okay so this is the worst written sentence ever because it seems like the house is being chased in the middle of the night. Yeah that's exactly. The car was being chased by another stolen car so now this. That's what i was florida. I feel like we're losing the filter that allows house people too. They were losing the ability of people. Everyone thinks they're like in a starsky and hutch movie chase after you be like i'm in the movies or a police officer. I have the jurisdiction to do then he crashed in the house and the person's like in my job and then it's going to drive that car back. It's funny. It's funny. It's written like that because the whole story kind kind of sounds like a run on sentence it is the story is run on chasing that sentence into a house one forty one at about one forty one a._m. About approximately one maybe a little more exact am the cocoa. Police department got a call about the cadillac which was crashed into the garage. I mean hey man you want to open the door of a house. On the eleven hundred block of greenwood way several parked vehicles along everyone got touched by the street name just seems problem japonica annika japan konica monica japonica lane according to a police spokeswoman yvonne martinez in a statement statement quote. A car is chasing someone. This is for the nine one one call. A car is chasing someone a black cadillac. It just went through a house and i thought that person song address tackle bells getting right to people in the cadillac which was stolen out of west palm beach ran off after after after the crash police said edward brown who lives in the house was asleep with the television on why that's relevant i sleep you get it right. I don't have a sound machine box fan. I do not the noise that gets me the talent you know tell them. <music> sleeping on mash reruns amash if anyway tell wife well not tell them how you go to sleep bell tv on feels like the reporters reprimanding him or is that what he said he didn't know what happened. It sounds like a toxic masculinity thing where he's like. Look i would've gone and ventures. Here's on the crash was aliens was on palumbo. How civil war they're like. My t._v. Was on taking care of that shit right away night court. I love night court. The people in the cadillac which ran off at brown who lives in the house was asleep with the television on when the stolen black cadillac crash into his home quote all all i know is they came running through the yard and next thing they know they went into the garage. Browns said next thing they know well he was. Let's it's not forget what time it is approximately one forty one aunt wait for this next quote unquote. My wife was in the garage. She got pinned in there but got out out with any scratches. What is she doing in the garage and weight and she got out. She got with any scratches without any scraps. A scratchy turned the t._v. off. Like what are the <hes>. He's just gonna watch the t._v. Here's a picture i think pinned in there. I was totally in the garage. I think she goes in the garage just to yell to get it out creaming into a how do awash turn the t._v. The status faction i'ma turn up murder. She wrote and go right asleep. Why is she in the garage. Judge approximately one. I know we're saying like all. These like old shows like murder. She wrote matlock my say riverdale or something so i felt in bali hai anyone i don't know so i was at home in saint louis in and my kids were watching with my they're watching matlock and i watched it. I watched the episode of ally because i'm like i've never seen matlock. I've not i've not sat down and watched. I just haven't watched it very little and he wears the exact same blue loose suit to court <hes> not just every time he's in court and i can understand if that's your lucky suit but if he's in court multiple days he wears the the exact same suit that to me was very prompted at it. He had like an ernest goes to court the same suit on money that you're wearing on tuesday yeah. It's a power outage. I like to watch that so raven before i go to sleep in an outfit on that show see raven fresh sprints getting pinned in the garage attitude shelby lakes lives less less than a hundred yards from the crash is a personal time. You're out if they were saying how far away town i live bench shelby late. Show is a subdivision that has no lake in all off then. It's nowhere near lake chummy lexus. We're used to go up in wisconsin with your family and the summer. There is a lake shelby in central illinois. Shelby lakes lives less than a hundred yards from the you know she's always first and last name to still lakes lakes well nice to meet you shelby shelby lakes and a home a hundred yards when you say we're neighbors hundred and more than one hundred miles away 'cause that's where the pitch her it was her. I'm not giving you my address. Let's just put it on one hundred. Can we say you live in the neighborhood. I said one hundred years and by the way she didn't say a hundred she said a hundred honored she swiftly e r d hunter at one hundred yards away. She thinks the teens were racing vehicles vehicles. Which she says is a near nightly routine. We do see them. Go up and down quite often. It's all night and it's it almost is to happens every night. As police investigated name isn't shelby lake serve as police investigated the stolen car that would be the cadillac cadillac on the first one yeah. They found information out about the other car which was an orange county. Sheriff's patrol vehicle was stolen as a concord record. This cops didn't even know that the other staged a police chase for fun. Maybe that's more fun funding. You gotta keep it sexy in the bedroom the girl she likes getting just don't scratch her. Her safe were lock in orange county sheriff's patrol the joe together. We were in a minute great can kill it. An orange county sheriff's patrol vehicle is what they discovered. The other car was a marked s._u._v. with lights activated. It appeared to have been in pursuit of the cadillac at the time of the crash. What if someone was pretending tended to be a cop and then took this role play till like the farthest arrests were they stealing hop car then saw someone else steal a car and they were overcome. I do i guess is they know each other. They stole the cadillac day sola cop car. Let's just go. Let's chase each other through the fun. Nobody will chase chasis because you're already in a thanks guys. Dan's idea of them going so deep undercover that they can't come back daily burdened with this duty to serve and protect so there'd be they're going deep undercover as regular clothes police officers so they're undercover undercover is to be a regular police. One of the sergeants actually witnessed this vehicle attempting to pull over pull over a black nissan boulevard so before the car i chased they were trying to pull over at different car. The s._u._v. was later found abandoned behind a save. A lot plaza on dixon boulevard in the orange county sheriff's office. I believe there are probably a lot of save a lot. Plazas around people are the orange county sheriff's office was contacted and confirmed that a patrol vehicle was stolen from rockall rock colledge. <hes> no weapons were inside the orange county vehicles sheriff's vehicle or any credentials. I hope not sheriff's office would wouldn't comment on the investigation only saying their vehicle was taken some time before two thirty a m no shit if it's jason had elected one forty one been stolen sometime before one forty forty-three approximate. Thank you very much. Thank you orange orange. Sheriff's deputies are working with rock colledge police to investigate the theft of the s._u._v. martinez. I don't know who that is never been introduced to this. No first name asking also million people in florida martinez originally said one person was detained in the thursday morning crime. She later said that the person was let go that's. That's that have cut another person pretending to be like doesn't want to be like she's like. I'm not gonna explicitly lie officer martinez tina's martinez. You have an officer's name. Just tell them. I don't wanna say. These cops are bad because i'm sure in florida they overwhelm i track. They don't know where they're cop. Cars are they had somebody and then they all say we'll go now. Police are looking for at least three people they could face charges of hit and run the property damage police. I loved it there like at least three people like that's the one thing you should get exact how many people you know how many people ran out of that cars are no. We have two drivers. Let's throw third in there for at least through also they could be charged with could be charged with the person i realizing their own limits and look. I don't presume to do what we could all be distracted by some cotton. Let me rephrase that they should be right or day. We'll be charged here on this. We're working together as law enforcement. We'll find out who did this. This martinez said they won't get away for get away with it for long. I'll tell you that we have deployed deployed every resource. Don't say that either jason. This is clearly in right taylor. This is not a cop. She's impersonating a person giving a sound bite. Yes truman show cops thing in all. These people get together afterwards and they're all like at a local bar and they're like we did it. We spaced it from beginning to end trying to pull over that nissan we that did the place drove in that guy's garage chic martinez gave the quote vote name is shelby likes. Oh definitely that cannot be done. We got show. It's going to be shy. Desharnais array lip so make sure you take care of me gentlemen. It's about to get wet up on stage for the next fifteen minutes yelled. It makes that story was story number. One taylor donaldson is with us. We will get into it with her on the other side is where we have two more stories people down. Stay with us i don hey guys randy. Sklar here of dumb people town question for you. Does your furniture bring you joy. I know my wife is an interior designer and she loves to make sure that the furniture she chooses brings her clients joy or are you missing catcher chair. That says this is my home. 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We have pets we have an english bulldog with sloggers whereas all over the place that's super important each piece made by hand with care and precision using high quality hardwood responsibly sourced materials so you can feel feel good about that limited lifetime warranty included beautiful selection of color <hes> they have for outdoor sofas lounge chairs tables more which is always really hard are defined that great outdoor south three hundred sixty five day home trout skip the furniture store and bring the showroom home. Sit on sleep on it breaking in. If you don't love your bird furniture you can return attorney for a full refund hassle free in home delivery. They'll even remove all packing materials which for me is a huge headache so see how joy bird can help you design your dream space basis a brilliant brilliant company find your joy today a joy bird dot com slash dp ti create furniture that brings you joy today. Joy bird dot com slash d._p._t. Not again go to joy. Bird dot com says d._v._d. And receiving exclusive offer for twenty five percent off your first order by using the code dp. Are you guys welcome back to the show. <hes> we to let people know how to see taylor thompson live because she does go out on the road and do a lot of shows. Go ciampi. Tom comedy comedy comedy dot com follow her on twitter. You are at taylor tomlinson on twitter and instagram do that. She's a great follow. Oh she's very fun. Integrate common gift. She's coming to a place near you. <hes> you definitely a great. I i wouldn't even say that you have been doing it for a handful years but a great new voice the world of comedy and i'm so happy that we have gotten connected. You have your own podcast that people should check i do i have a podcast with kelsey. Cook and delaney fisher called self self helpless where we review self help and self improvement topics. It's very it's. I love stuff. Okay so qualified two yeah no not at all and and it's just like it's like going to brunch with one of your best friends who read the secret who will be like well. I didn't you think this was good but like this is bullshit though you know like are you surprised how some things like because the self-help psychic no but i want to do i want to go to a psychic. I'm scared oh 'cause i grew up so religious tarot card reader never know i haven't done any scared of well. When you're growing up religious where where were you <hes> i was into macula macula and then northern california for yet one country but <hes> yet when you're growing up religious. You can't watch horror movies because your parents won't be like that isn't real. They'll be like that satan and it's very real and if you invite him in by going to this movie <hes> he's now in you when you kiss another girl ask satan lives on the lips of <hes> olivia in period five. It's it's really yeah. It's it's like it. It takes on a different <hes> level of of panic and fear in my brain to think so if you go to a psychic opening wide open the universe guys you know it's not gonna happen a little bit where you're like. Even if if i have yeah even if i have like a truly divine experience or something convinces me then like i'm just going to go with that was just satan in pretending to be my mom ten-year-old taylor taylor back yeah. She's in you at all time. She is in me all the time. Yeah all right well all right well. Let's <hes> we you should have a comment on this next door. Suffering ready yes or number two in by josh. I do it every time mout moot out m. o. u. a. t. you gotta malet l._a. Mount a taiwanese man was stunned dan. You're all you're going to say right. Now is a snake and come up through a toilet and vitamin the or is he going to have like twelve thousand bugs in his left. I know you say a taiwanese man. That's the first thing i always gross. It is always like he wins is is man stuck a cobra up his ass like that's what it is definitely unfortunately went to the doctor to discover that he was fucking goat. Italian man doctor discovered was stunned to find out that his apple air pods still worked after he swallowed the device and was forced to dig it out of toilet nope. It's gone so wait wait. My question is was it the headphones or was it the full box case that they come in so my my son bought air pods with his own money and i was so low and in like a week airports doesn't doesn't work or a month. It's not gonna take them in and deal with it like this week but i'm not one year. Why can't he be a taiwanese man. Yeah shitting it out like bringing back mm-hmm rebooted ben sue. I think it's how you say fell asleep with a pair with the pair of wireless headphones still his years but woke up unable able to find one of them when you playing golf and you hit a hole in one and you know where is my you hit it from far out like where's my ball. No one ever assumes says go check the whole right like he needed to check the whole fell asleep so he was laying down any rules <hes> burghley. What does he like sleep eat. I don't know i sleep in my air pods every night so this seriously do and usually one all out because i have trouble sleeping. I have very intense nightmare since i need to listen to something i like podcast. I'll double up with the white noise and he's you. Just put your phone like near you or near your ears now. You'll gimme cancer or something under the pillow. You can hear you're laying on the side. I still get through the pillow electronic devices in your primary race late on the night so here's what i understand about taylor. Now she does is not sleep on any side. You only sleep on your back. No one of them we usually fall out but then i got and then i gotta go find it but i've never had to look inward. I was gonna say fell a lot of into the mouth of italian winning. You'll never had to look in a life on examining now. I'm so scared podcast well. I have i need. I need at least white noise need a fan on you. Are the lady in the garage in the garage and then i need a car down. We didn't know that my husband doesn't care where i am. I can kind of drift off white noise and podcast <hes> yeah it depends. I tried to have a fan on and then i'll do a podcast but one that's like boring gilio w._g._n. Overnight overnight radio show out of chicago way talking about mundane like like so. There's a guy i listen to like michigan. Football recovered no but listen there is actually i saw whole special done on this. There's a guy who does asleep overnight overnight. Sleep podcast and it's so popular <hes> i wish this podcast was the popular as the people who were like. I need something to ceuta guaranteeing gears. This'll be hard to go to sleep too though because there's a lot of different voices and everybody's laughing and a lot of comedy too interested in what you're listening to otherwise it will keep you up making one hundred percent there yeah. Let's all just can't go that sits down so he's air pods in and it just i guess he's doing that. He he will not anymore. He rolled over and it just fell into his mouth and then he rolled back and it goes back to the cords. Go back to get out of your car was able to find one of his air products. Using an iphone tracking feature he discovered the device was still in his room and heard it's beeping sound following him around and i keep hearing it. The air phoebe thinks he said i checked under my blanket and i looked around but couldn't find it. Then i realized the sound was coming from my stomach inside the body like the guy in the dark knight who's like there's christmas mustard also so half of it. I have generation one airport so i'm assuming this is generation to. I didn't know that you could do find my airports because i watch for my phone. That's like one of my favorite things when you can paying your phone yeah i know where it is paying. Your individual guy didn't own biles like beats by you know it goes straight up apple rock rock band pods. The navy recruiter from taiwan southwestern port city said he did not feel any discomfort but he went to the municipal hospital municipal united house but we're medics confirmed he had swallowed the air pot now. There's an extra here. I can't really see it but but i guess that it's suppose though yeah i see take care piece. There's the there's the earpiece right there. Oh yeah i see that now this up on the facebook page by the way if you're not following us and liking the facebook page and you listen this podcast. What are you doing. It takes one second and i'm going to say this. If you're not a member of our patriots on get on board with fascinating strict content stories things like that also say trump dot com slash deed onto you dump people town on instagram you can also see but if you want to get into it with with us and mix it up. You should be on the air we got. They said it was currently passing through his digestive system saying it would need surgery to remove it if it did not appear. Naturally buddy currently passing through could describe like most drifters is in oklahoma most drifting through casey doctors gave him a lack of told him to inspect his waist for any sign nine of the device. Fortunately inspect is waste. There's a get into around his waist ways. Taylor didn't think it was his. I'm sir. I'm three three ways to do with my weight. Fortunately currently the airport resurfaced when he relieved himself at a railway station the next day no this i love. It didn't stop him. I have things to do. I have the land take a dump at a railway station over the line sweet. Jesus swallowed a device and when i had taken laxative like you'll stand on the train leave him in one pod over the what do you do well. I'm waiting for this thing to come out my ass but if you want to go into town i'm but i'm pretty open. I'm open. I'm open enough. He was forced okay. That's the part that we're having. It's gotta come out the right way. You don't want it to come out breach. We need to think about and we already kind of touching on this is where do you wanna be when it comes out right because now he's going to be searching searching through shit in a railway station not sure at least your home. You could've laid down some paper a moment. To where like do you ever put that in your ear again and feel good about yourself apparently right well. We're sorry you can't wash it. Fortunately air powdery surface when he released himself the railway station he was forced into a foul smelling search but was able to pick out the device and found that it was still intact. I don't think your ass is going to bring getting half and by the way at that moment you're like. I don't have air pods. I do not airplanes anymore. I know that's terrible. I want to work hard enough to make enough money to buy another but i'm listening to your shit and hearing the joe rogan experience yeah i remember whereas somebody was talking about stuff like things at mortified you and somebody it was like they had dropped an air pod on a plane and the person in the seat behind them per their hits it up with their bare foot gave it to him. I never been able to use it. You just look down under your seat and just watch a toke linked to around like you're an eagle talon yeah. Oh my god that is gross after after washing the airflow. Don't be barefoot on a plane. That's the other thing you <music>. What kind of gross like liberties are you taking on this. Keep your clothes on doing that and not even care if he had flip flops on when you walk on the place the railway station which is the railway station of errol after washing the pot and letting it dry. Mr sue was amazed to find out that it still still worked. He went toilet sink ear men named sue. This is not a real story. This is an ad for air pods is the i mean. If ever i know the battery was still at forty one percent quote. It was incredible. He said collins experience with the apple product magical. There's no way it was at forty one percent because it was encased in warm shit then it thinks sits in your ear have picked it up with your fingers and it'll start playing l. You're not saying jay was saying that like it came out. I kept coming out of his shit and it's like the best thing ever but what i'm saying is like in that moment. He should thank his lucky stars <hes> he should drive. He's in taiwan drive a few miles down the road and thank thank three-year-old that put that together you know what i'm saying physically bill this week. Dr chen them ear pods. Is that wrong year. Dr choi eh fan who works in the emergency room explained because of the plastic shell around the pod the risk of causing him harm in a similar way to swallowing a regular lithium. I on battery is much lower yeah. It's got a coating and a casing direct exposure to a battery could have caused serious rupture his intestines but obviously he's calling intestines s. times. I'm trying to keep us on schedule here. Go back to the story about the ear pod had been the battery he would've been in trouble but since it's encased he's fine i just is. He finds it asks you three got into this because i'm just curious. Would you go back to using thing that airport. Never get over it i wouldn't have i know it worked because i wouldn't check roll. Come i would put them. He flushes the toilet without even looking if i if i shat and i could see it i'd be like great. I know what's out of me and i've flushed good riddance. Yeah go getting it like oh. I would pick it up. Wash it put on ebay. Take some of that money out of there and pay for a new our guys. I normally we don't do bets. Let's go and do this really happened. In my life i got out of a car of this is gonna be on next hour. <hes> as i did that thing where the phone goes goes from your lap where you've forgotten it is onto the road oga. I'm getting out at la brea and sunset it goes right and you get out and it falls straight eight into the gutter and there's like a small film of water there right and it hasn't rained since barack was in office and i pick akaka the phone and i it it lands screened on the whole screens covered in like smudge stuff yeah and i just wipe it off on my pants which would be bad enough and then and i think to myself it's did phone. Did it get in the port. Get into this thing here and this is my phone you blow oh without right probably be better and i just want who the gutter sludge out. I don't know bernie was in there. I don't know of any came out but i doubt dan. Dan dare you judge this time when i would would use data is the moment where we're like. He did not have a dad. Dan your dad left when you were married and this is where as your comedy you the nowhere near a bag of rice not afford brea. Does you blow into it. Comes back in your face your face. It's yours forever on your air on your car on full blast and you go out with that car. I was getting out of an uber dan. I know starbucks. Have you been to a doctor since views sucked up every day since i have this weird. I'm i have a boil on the naked eye out of it's fine okay. My tongue does not taste. Taylor knows <music> real crazy. I now can see three minutes into the past past. It's whoever pete in the gutter connected to. I had to you had to dan. You're the you're talking. Sorry go ahead. Go ahead. I was gonna you're talking about this like you were pinned under a rock in one hundred and twenty seven ranger garage by a stolen cavalry done what i had to do in both of those scenarios and i had me on that one. I think what taylor is specifically and threw up. She's saying you're treating. This was your job. This is it yeah. I thought toward court no dan. It's not the nuclear option here. Hey you worked fast. Guys ride with me because i will will make the decision. Now has superhuman strength could be dance. Origins just got five minutes. Your origin story is sucking out the like sludge juice to get comedy into the spider vert spiderman dan you turn la brea gutter juice juice into comedy gold. We got the brand coming after shelby lakes gutter rumpelstiltskin uh-huh but story story in theory to three. I was part three. We'll say three times. Dan will appear say the break sup- <hes> are separate tags lebron gutter juice. That's with us right now. Taylor thomasson is with us. We have one more story. You don't want to go anywhere. I'm sure it's going to be silly. Can you give us just the little teaser to dongguan needs help okay. They're go dump. Guy needs last segment people down. Stay with us. We write back down more <music>. Hey guys welcome back to dump people town. We have taylor thompson here. <hes> dan any dates you wanna talk about and is <hes> i will be recording show for my album on august tenth in santa cruz at <hes> d._n._a. So come out to that. Show van kirk not far from the bay area never barrier any other alliance for that saturday to show saturday august tenth and then on the twenty ninth. I will be doing my our here in los angeles at u._c. Beat franklin. I believe that like eight thirty go to daniel van kirk dot com on that you know i'm on the road doing shows and we've got brooklyn in october october and we're gonna announce a guest soon where we were out putting out to a couple of names <hes> for live on people town. If we fill the first show up we'll do a second show ran and i have a massive show that we want to promote just by massive i mean the venue is massive and we'd love to not show up and have sixty people there. You never do tinley park in chicago park convention center and chicago's not a thousand seat room <hes> and we wanna fill it goggles so chicago timber twenty seven th that's a friday night. Come on out we loved. It's on the south side of chicago and just announced that are opening. Act is the wonderful nate crag who's been on the show. He's gonna join china's there. He's got another gig. He's doing on sunday in cleveland that he's gonna come to ann arbor the next night. We're gonna be in ann arbor for <hes> super squats dot com. You can pretty much see us. We are actually booked our schedule on like all the way through april of next year in terms of stuff and and we're gonna go out and do some live. <hes> podcast states as well. We're going to win the in the process of booking some of those as well so if you go to superstars dot com see. We couldn't get squad brothers dot com. We couldn't even do that so you got that so we got super squats using actively probably not i think it goes to um mm tomlinson motors. Kidding son of these guys are gambling up every couple weeks. When does this come out <music> by the end of july of july weeks from now okay august august august. I know i'm in santa barbara the second and third word and then i am i'm on the impractical jokers tour in detroit on the ninth <hes> comedy on state and madison addison the fifteenth through the seventeenth <hes> funny bone in cincinnati on the twenty second through the twenty fifth and then the thirtieth <hes> through september yeah i i am at the brea improv that i said you got anything in august and you're like i don't know in every weekend is booked everything everything if you heard a city that you're close to that she's coming and go see her all right. Dan lewis trump. Who last coming in or coming to. I don't know what i'm coming in or going out. I don't know where the goose duck at mrs bologne bags i. I like everything about it. I can't tell you what any of it means man chester new hampshire. A man was was rescued by the manchester by the c._s. A man was rescued wednesday in manchester after he got stuck dangling from a tree sixty feet in the air. You are up there. Are you afraid of heights. I don't think i'm afraid of i mean if i'm dangling very enclosed spaces. You guys know how high sixty feet is very rose. That's like six stories and it literally like no joke. That's really high austin texas. When you walk across the bridge over over the if you walk across the south congress and you stand in the middle of the bridge you let your sixty feet then yeah. It's about eighty feet but it's it's whatever i've jumped off a thirty eighty five foot like rock ledge into a river that hurt your feet. No i was wearing a life vest didn't go down as far as you would normally but you are in the thirty five feet. Your is in <hes> river nose up in it was at the zoo and he was taunting some like they. We needed to be told and put down. This is my biggest question. I have my biggest concern. How much inspection did you do about the data the water i'm wearing lifejackets. I'm not going to go down that far. I don't i don't i need to know you in the ozarks like every once in a while. Somebody will still die because they don't know that there's fucking reading lime drink. The a gutter juice out of my phone is concerned about water depth. I don't want i'll died from. I'll die from die. Bacteria did not dive. I jumped so you know there's. This girl stirs a difference. If you watched a bunch of people go ahead of me so that was my special. Lemmings live there yeah well however i just followed the. I didn't wait for them to resurface go off. I was just following orders that just i stayed in line. We how long were you in the air force. I used it isn't impossible. Length of time that you are in the air for thirty minutes you have a lot of time to do a lot of three and five feet and it was it is so if you are dangling by your sixty feet in the air handling by his feet dangling okay manchester firefighters rescued the man from the tree in lafayette park after he was stuck for about thirty minutes oh my god. I hope someone was like yeah. We gotta get this cat out of the senior staff back. Daniel course said he climbed the tree free. This is gonna know everything you need to know about him. By the end of this half set luck course is basically going to be just another synonym for of course yes daniela course said he climbed the tree and attempt to recover his drone of course which he got caught in the tree two weeks ago so this is two weeks of him not being able to sleep drama drawback trying to get my back what is worse she ever coming back with that drama and what's worse the fact that this guy had to like literally risk his life to get the drone the guy in the store before sifting through his own shit to pull out an air. I want angela bassett to play him. In how daniel drumm daniel get us john cornyn his earlier efforts. He has to start dating a younger black man just to get that starts dating morris chris chestnut just to get his drums when earlier efforts to free the drone failed which i hope was just him throwing a stick absolutely they come back tomorrow when i get more early efforts denotes way too much planning no one's mentioning that all of a sudden the last two weeks has been nine kites caught up and i thought i could kite it down. There's eight more frisbees up there now. When these earlier efforts to free the failed he borrowed a friend's climbing gear and then looked up quote how to climb on youtube this. This is what the movie free solar. I said this online about free free. Solo mission originally free solo lifestyle slice. I what did you say about free solo because i haven't seen it yet but it's like an unbelievably incredible movie about about a guy trying to climb out of a relationship in borrowed a friend's climbing gear looked up how to climb on youtube. You need more than that rant and then set out for germany's he should have read climbing for dummies then ask for help. Thank you ask for how to do right by the way asking for help and getting help is the most satisfying thing in the world. You also give someone the there's there's a jewish word called mitzvah means. It's a good deed. You give someone else the joy of being able to help you write what you if someone asks you for help and you give help you. You feel great about yourself so think about giving that feeling comedy sense. If you came to us and said have this bit and i don't know how to end it and this is work goes and we're like oh what if you did this and you did that and it worked. We would feel so much joy for you right period and you would feel because you've finished the bet. Come on. This guy robbed somebody of their joy wednesday to get the drone. I'm gonna show you a picture of daniel carson in happier times and he is with his drums you on the ground. This will be on the web. He's wearing a virtual reality glasses camera. He can see what the drone sees. You can see inside. Take off jato long ponytail as i go to attorney. I don't need to be a part of a neighborhood watch. I am the neighbor. If i that seems simple in the neighborhood to daniel but once he hoisted himself up and used a large stick to dislodge the drone things started to go wrong jan things started to go wrong. We start grown his hair out the back. They started to go wrong when he couldn't handle constructive criticism. They just didn't expect it to be so difficult and takes so much endurance. You're climbing do by the way his life life with that statement. Every tax relationships working career career daniela courses friend called the fire department to help him down. I hope that the argument took the most shocking thing about this story is that he has a friend. We couldn't grab any magic. The gathering all you need is a deck. The cards and some friends deck of cards got it. He couldn't that's where we get into a dicey area. I like the idea that he called his friend and his friends like only because you have my climbing acquaint the only reason care how great would've been if he gets the drone comes back down and accidentally leaves. The climbing equipped shinko patty drone. He couldn't grab anything ping said district chief. Mike match who responded to the call by one match has had mustache for fifty years yeah yeah mustang for fifty years and he's sixty two. Mike match watches those auction car shows. I'm rick. Thomas sex coined extravaganza. He couldn't grab anything he was just he wasn't holding onto anything. He was just hanging on the rope. This is from daniel panic set in when i couldn't feel my legs no shit being your weight. He was just hanging on a rest now. Somehow he got the rope up over yeah and then must have anchored it and then. I don't wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'm with you so i think he's in a harness harnessed and it's over the top so he is like he's repelling but he's dangling off this thing and it's probably cutting off circulation into his legs late him. It was just okay there. He is hanging okay mic. It's going through a series of gifts and then you'll see areas yeah yeah so he somehow did get a rope up there and then hung down from it you know on the way up to. He was like y'all just so so. How many times did he say to himself. I don't need anybody daniel. Gonna show them look. Course you will using a ladder the truck the fire department was able to secure courses equipment and bring him back down. The course was okay and got his drone back quote. They did everything a lot of things to make sure i was safe. Which is the opposite of how you dated everything a lot anymore back. Take if they just did a lot of things they didn't do everything. Let's not forget that there's nobody to say if i don't get myself so i did something uh-huh part in this whole never did get that aluminum blanket seen on t._v. of course said he won't attempt a crime like that again quote. It was really really scary. He said never again. Firefighters is the last thing on here and i just love that the firefighters like they have to weigh on this to dan. It'll likely would have died if he'd fallen from the tree yeah. This is hanging headfirst. He's just like he ended up that way. By the time we went down man is and there is a moment where you're just like. I am an adult man and my toy got stuck in a tree and and i couldn't go get it down and i needed. I need a dad. I need a dad to come and get me down you. Basically you become an adult the fire the fire department becomes your. That's your dad dad leaving. You know what you know why because when you call them they have to show up just calling m._t._a. Dance recitals and like your dad. They only work nine days a month. <hes> is that it show. I love taylor tomlinson on this show. You have an open invite when j._r. Podcast your podcast hopeless helpless t- tom uh-huh teton comedy t- tom comedy dot com check it out and look if she's near you and she has a lot of dates coming up. Go see her. Go see her and you will love her and co. Oh seat dan sport his taping. Go see us <hes> tinley. Pardons thousand seats prescribe dot com get our day to no shit. We get a dum dum. Dum dum got dumb stick around town <hes> sterling's podcast network.

Dan dan dan kirk florida joe rogan taylor taylor taylor tomlinson yvonne martinez jason florida apple golf chicago Shelby lakes officer orange county taylor thompson shelby manchester komo tyler tomlinson
Taylor Tomlinson

Good For You

2:41:45 hr | 4 months ago

Taylor Tomlinson

"Xiaolong Hello Hey girl. The show is brought to you the cash out then. Everyone finance happen. The APP store. The cash is the simplest way to send to receive money. Especially when your friends? Oh you or them time. Use The cash to buy that. Komo Muramoto straight out cash. What have you used the cash mama some so she could send me toilet paper because Mall Townsville Guy told the paper we still got. You paid your mom to send you toilet paper. Yeah how much you're using over there but it's like everybody else is going to have some. I don't WanNa be left out. Your mom wasn't going to send it for free of course to send. She's a bitch. Hit My gosh. I know you weren't with casual. You've gotTA listen. You look easy way to try and grow your money in the stock market with our investing feature with key. I say our now. I'm part this company with cash out. You can instantly invest any stock As little as one dollar did you know. The brokerage services are provided by cachefly investing a subsidiary of square and member SIPC Benton. I have heard well. Now you know still no and if you don't know now you know been known When you sign up for cash and use the Promo Code Whitney not only will you instantly receive ten dollars but cash will also donate ten dollars to the Trevor Project and Amazing Organization that protects bent in for me all they do protective services to lgbtq youth across America? Don't forget Promo Code Whitney when you download the cash up from the UP STORE. Tada okay pod in the time of Taylor and I are going to make sure we're six feet apart during this entire podcast so that we don't get cancelled so that we don't get cancelled by the Internet and attacked by you. People I also like to clean and disinfect. The tape measure. So we're going to be exactly six feet apart at all times. Okay ready six fetuses. A lot as far is really do it. Okay I said before we started recording that I've just been imagining like the length of my dad's whole body in between me and other people wait as I said my dad's dead so he's about that's not and then we hugged we. Didn't I turn to hug you? Okay so yeah okay. That's bad. We did it. Thanks feed boob or face to face. I think I mean it's probably the same right so then you lysol this. I thought you were being dumb and then touch my nose and I'm like I'm actually glad she did that. I love being dumb. I I can both in both could be happening simultaneously. I mean okay so six feet here. I am. Were six feet apart. I feel the need to yell at far. It's very quiet. Hey also for your volume Lee way more than six fifty so far we're not ties with everyone emotionally. I I need to be ready to lose any of you. This emotionally might be the closest. I've been to anyone about that. It's been fourteen days. I'm lonely my best friend I know we were. I mean we should also like anyone who gets mad at us for podcasting. We should publish our text messages we really win scheduling this. Because I was. We were both like if you're not comfortable. It's totally fine. If you're not comfortable with so he but also I haven't been anywhere except the grocery store and fourteen days okay. I've been in total isolation for thirteen days. Okay so and all right and I know some do you know anyone who's no okay and I've just been indoors but if I have lysol and if you think that it's okay then I think it's okay. I mean we were care getting kind of competitive. I was like isolated ten days. You're like eleven twelve now. I've seen one person you barely saw someone like. We're trying so hard but it's interesting because I feel like B. I watched you. I've been watching your social. I'm I'm watching everyone social. I'm what you're doing. I'm doing the math adding up everything you're doing. I'm looking in the background or your videos and your hikes and you're photos. I'm hearing people off. Camera People Are Liars. Some people think some people are having their things. Sudden are cooking liquid. You get that so keeney. Oh Yeah No. You've got groceries but you told me you haven't left your house in ten days. What are all these fresh squash. Oh Yeah No. You can't live garden no I really have. I'm going full full sherlock on people's photos on their captions with the Fridge. Let me see your fridge. Yeah that couldn't have stayed good. Nope for eleven day way. Avocado had that for eight days. Still Bright Green. I don't think so and at this point it's like you couldn't have even gotten that delivered like getting groceries delivered at this point over. Gilead at this point. Yeah no it's like we have to go to the grocery store if we need more food now and you got to hope that everyone else's being equally careful. It's actually funny because I we usually start this. Podcast asking the person if we're friends or not. We are now took a pandemic. Yeah I I would never say yes. We're friends because that would make sound psychotic really watch eason's middle school like we're great friends but now that the world is on fire. I'm like yeah no. We're pretty close. There is something funny about us because we we were like ships in the night We see each other. I do appreciate the fact that we've sort of like circled each other We sort of like just mutual respectful. Kay how're you? There's been no. Do you need to be best for like I feel like you're like me and that you go to compensate you get in and you get out? Yes and you are someone I reference when people like you gotTa hang out more like you really you too standoffish. And it's always. It's always male comedians. Do say that to another guy. No no no you really have to hang out and I always go on. Maybe I should and then I go Whitney never fug in hung out when he's doing great and so I just I told myself that for years and I've I stand by it. I do not think you need to hang out so people probably have a bitch so I don't know that they do. Do you think people think you're a bit I it's interesting. I think I remember one time. Sarah Tiana Really Funny. Comedian is on spades. Show now one time she. She had her puppy. She wrote her puppy maverick. Low boxer puppy to the comedy store. This is like I don't know five years ago comedy for like maybe like ten years and I see the puppy. Nobody can hold your puppy and she looked at me like her face was Ashen and I was like what's going on. She's like oh. I didn't realize that you were such a nice person and you know it took the dog to sort of get me to sort of socialize. And she's like I just had no idea you were this nice and I was. I was just. You're such a bitch and I was like no. I'm scared yeah. I'm standing in the hallway. Scared I don't want to talk to a male comedian because I'm worried they're gonNA think flirting with them. I don't want to upset anyone. I don't want to cause comedians. Also as soon as you start talking turns into a roast. My feelings are going to get hurt if I talked to somebody over like I'm just trying to get in here at work on my jokes and get out you're gonNA make one communist stay with me for years. It's not worth it tonight. Agree with the insult. You're right it's not even going to be fun for you. I'm going to go. I said that to me in the car. We were here E. Yeah Oh no you sound like my mom like all this dark show. It's GONNA come and I. I realized that I think that whether it's me or whether it's being a woman whatever it is. I think a lot of times when you're just silent insecure people project onto you when they think of themselves so you become sort of this like refractory of like what they think about themselves and a lot of people think. You're a bitch a lot of people conflate silence with superiority a feeling of security yes I think that's true and I I will say I think for you. It's probably intensified by the fact that you are very hot with very sharp cheekbones. Like I'm not whatever but like I have a soft round face so people give me the benefit of the Dow take good person and so like I just. I look like a lot of white people's cousins so she's actually is quiet but she's probably afraid but like even people think I'm standoffish. Sometimes so if I get that. I'm sure you got that like thousand. I'm glad you brought this up because I would like to talk about your face. Somebody please please do. I'm I'm kind of INSERTIVE obsessed with it. I know because you your faces. Unbelievable like you've got a you have a movie star face from the thirty. Oh that's untrue. But I will take it now. Seen a lot of movies from the thirties but I assume this is what they look. Just like you're so symmetrical your eyes or just doll. You look like a doll. Oh thank you all I heard. Was you look better in black and white And lower definition. That's all I heard. On and with scurvy wearing lots. Of course that's on the Bonnet covering most of your well know what's so crazy. I mean like I had. Somebody sent me a message on instagram. That I don't even think I replied to somebody sent me a message saying like I watch your net especially loved it. Also we have similar body types and it just it means so much to me to see that and I was like I was like offended and I couldn't even see what the person looks like by the way like they had a private account and their picture was like very small like have no idea what they look like. I just I hear your body type and I was like you mean like you. Don't see that Mike and it's I don't like it just I. I didn't know how to take it and then I felt bad for not taking it. Well right away and then. I was like I had to really sit with myself for like ten minutes. Go by the problem and my pretty. It's so stupid that well even think about welcome to the feedback. Loop of every compliment is an insult. Somehow yeah always and I remember watching you and just seeing look how gorgeous you are and this is probably not gonna go well but I just in. Your hair is down in your special. You're you have the time and you just look so gorgeous and I was just like. Oh my God this is just i. It took me so long to apologize for being feminine. Oh my gosh thank you see and I like my hair's up in the special but you have some tendrils down and that is only because my face is so round it is if it is all back like it gets turned into Charlie Brown really quickly. I have a big head and I know I have a big head because I've told every guy I've ever dated. I have a big head and every single. One of them have responded. I love your big head. Nobody's ever said it's a big not even is not that big not even. I think it's fine normal. I love your big hat. Something that's GonNa land well because I was going to go but like it matches your body. I don't mean like your body's big. I know it does proportionate is it's all it's mid west good West Midwest it's and I'm from California. Which is I don't know how this happened. But I you know I of cornfed I league as fuck I was so pissed when Ellen special came out and it was called relatable like legit so angry. It's like there's no that was mine. I literally remember the first time I saw your body and time's up on me because I could not sub staring undo like what are you doing squats all day. What are we doing the no I feel like I have to be careful with squats because I will like my my regular Lee. Yeah yeah this is my. This is so weird to be having this conversation with you by the way because for example like talking about being feminine onstage and like it being okay for you to look like a woman I mean. That's like that's because of comics like you like you are. I watched your special going like. Oh so you can be hot and do this. You can like and it's fine and you can be successful and I think you're talking about over correcting in starting out really dirty. I started out super clean interesting and I think that for me I was trying not to say I was trying not to say anything Like in a wind sexual. I mean I got a comment the other day on a tweet. That said like ninety percent female comedies sex and I went off on this dude before. I blocked him because I was just like. Are we still doing this so when I started it was more like people were getting shit on female comedians? We're getting shit on for being too dirty into sexual and if no they're also getting shit on that too but if the if you were really clean you got a lot of praise for that. The first six years that I was doing standup I was clean up until like four years ago and I got so many compliments I still get them from people who are like. It's so great that you are not saying vagina every two minutes And that's even now where like swear and I'll do sex jokes and again it's the round face thing but like people really they gave you so much credit for being really clean and you start to get addicted to that and it also is like you want your parent's approval wrapped up today. I could never get that no matter. What D- nearby he neither now but once I once I started like swearing telling sex jokes I was like I mean you're never. You're never going to be what everybody likes. What's what's the point like. Why am I trying so hard? Yeah but I really resisted it for a long time because I was like I mean I did. You were also twenty. Yeah why did I barely league? I was very I was very young. I think if you just because you're twenty six So if you when you started if you were doing sexual it would be different because like wait. How old is she went on with this? It's a different thing to picture as well you know. I think that we have to understand that when we do stand up. We're asking people to were painting a picture for people to visualize us and I feel like it might make people lean out a little bit to be like. She's so young. Why am I thinking about that? And then it brings up their own per vis stuff and shame and whatever right I also know about me. I looked sixty when I was twenty. So no one. It's also funny to me because I think I realized that in the beginning I was so worried that exuding any kind of femininity or sexuality that like maybe the women in the audience think I was trying to take their man or whatever like I don't want anyone to get you know weird or just to bring up any insecurities when I is it. Not of the women cared or competitive. That was my shit that was meeting insecure. Because when I was younger I was so worried that the guys I was dating if they looked at any other woman. I thought they were like cheating on me like I. I didn't understand that men could find other women attractive and not cheat or it wasn't an rejection of me. I was so naive. I thought men had to have blinders on and every woman was a threat to me when I was insecure. So that was my shit all the women were like. We look great you. You'RE GONNA fall and I was just like you guys. I'm really. I'm trying not to hurt you by looking too feminine. They're like we're fine. We're okay you'RE IN LA five. You know what I mean. We dressed up to eight to break. Do not threatened by you at all wearing a backpack. You know what I think. Oh you know what I will say though. Even if people don't feel threatened by you I do feel like if any comedian looks like they are trying super hard I turn off to people just staying and I do feel like part of it is just it. A lot of it is coming from your own stuff like if I leave my hair down. Yeah yeah it never happens like I just did the tonight show to promote the special and the lovely my hair makeup like leave it down. It looks amazing and the set went fine but I had a full blown panic attack when it came out just like what was I thinking? Leaving my hair down. I was not in the pocket. Like it's a fine set but it would have been so much better if my hair ruina ponytail. Because it's so interesting to me that people don't know that stand up sport. It's not a model incompetent. It's a sport so it's like you're moving around. You're turning you're putting and you have to. Just do whatever you normally do so if you always wear your hair down on stage when you do your tonight. Sugar Special. We're here now because you're used to it. Whatever I would advise against it for continuity issues. But that's just me but don't do something for the first time when you're recording it. Yeah you know and I. It drives me nuts. 'cause. I've fallen in that chapter and I did it in my. Hbo Special Where Your Hair Down? I was like all right and I was thinking about it the entire time. I didn't realize how much I bent over. I've got lip gloss in my hair and my lip glass. It was like I was like it was just so dumb and I regret it so profoundly. Yeah I mean a five minute late night said Yeah. You're trying to stay still anyway. That's very distracting. If you're pacing so for me I was like okay. Yeah for my special. It was not even a question. Yeah yeah like to be trying to do physical. Act Out any other jobs where women have to think about this. That are in sports about whether your hair can be up or down. I guess like medical stuff. You probably shouldn't be a surgeon with. I don't think any surgeon going in like I shout great today. Do I have to put it up chefs making your food like but it looks so cute. Yeah it's not a question having a good hair day. I was so stoked when I saw birds of prey. Did you see birds of prey? Oh haven't there's a a fight scene where somebody hands another girl a hair tied. So they're fighting. That's really funny. I was after I saw a captain marvel. Yup I literally tweeted. Can we give some of these female superheroes hair because this is ridiculous? Who would be fighting aliens and Shit? I was their hair now. I just learned the difference between US between them with hope rage when my age is you said the movie you thought Captain Marvel. I felt the room. So yeah the room. She's in captain. Marvel territory I'm in. I'm in quarantine. We've all been in the room for the past fourteen thing about. I watched the room. I'm like Alex Fun. At least she has a kid in there with her. Goodman is hanging out in the hallway as part of you been like I should have had a kid. No I've been like I'll never have a kid. Now What's interesting is I did think like five days ago I was like oh I should probably get pregnant. Nats I never mind. I don't have time not working because I was like. Oh everything is probably gonna be like six to nine months. And I'm I can just bang out a kid like now it'd be the perfect time and you're just going to hope. The hospitals are fine by. You could do a home birth. I can do a home birth. I could do a tub birth but the problem is I would need a sperm in China. It's just hard to arrange From six feet away I mean if they if they quarantined for fourteen days and they definitely don't have it and they come here and I'd trust that's done that. Is Your Boyfriend Awkward? So and that's how we're going to be making money. Are you gonNA take one for the six months? We're going to be loaning him out for breeding. Let's see how supportive of other female comics rally are. Let's see if you're a girl girl Taylor. Can I fuck your boyfriend? Got Nine months is on you. Indecent proposal how much seriously how much if you if you had but a doll how much money for me to have sex with Sam your let me. How much short wouldn't be weird? Give me give me one more month. And let's see how much work gets canceled. And let me ask him if he's cool. I am you give me a month I need. I need a break your mom. How long have you been together? Six months it I would say three or four times a day I think about couples that have been have been together for six months in quarantine. Yeah and I'm curious how it's going because you're learning. The rubber is hitting the road. I mean here's the thing. We have been long distance. New York to Los Angeles since we started seeing each other So we got close really fast right right because you're spending so much time on the phone on face so pro long distance because the sex doesn't confuse things you can get to know each other. Yeah absolutely I mean the second night we talked on the phone. We talked for seven hours. We were on the phone from midnight to seven the more. What is your phone plan? I choose this it was. I didn't go but my bank account went down. And so we've just been going back and forth and so honestly this has been kind of great for us which you say. Yeah we've been waiting. Never mind the bodies in the streets but no we. We have never gotten to live with each other longer than like five days in a row and we get along very well and we're just like best friends so it's been great for us to the point where we feel very guilty slowed there any red flags with him that have since been deactivated before quarantine. Yeah like was there anything. That was like I don't know about that and then you're like I can live with it or anything you know I. I don't know I have gotten really good at letting things go because you have to. You know like that is actually like the most fucking bad has gotten really good at letting things go because you kind of have to. Yeah I mean. There's no other choice at this point. I assume this is probably what it was like for our grandparents who got married. That's right in the forties at twelve. Yeah where you made a choice and then it was like I had not leave you and then you had two options. It was like this guy or this guy. Yeah this guy I think is my distant cousin. So let's go with this guy right exactly and I don't have any money. Where am I going to go? Yeah I literally this. Is this a real thing that happened the other day I woke up and I said I had a nightmare that you cheated on me? And he goes couldn't even happen right now. He's like that is impossible. What the fuck. That's not why you that's what you say that while you're not cheating. I'm like because we're in lockdown. I've tried it's just it's a whole thing. I'm scared of germs. I would never stick it in anyone. That wasn't you because I don't know where they've been me. He was like obviously no. I would never cheat on you. But he's like I'm just saying like it. Yeah doesn't help. I was like is very funny but also I was like how dare you. This is ridiculous. There's also like I met this girl. I think I fell in love with her. She's got a lot of toilet paper right. She's not a closer with. How does you also I am sorry? I said how dare you and made you think about touring. I don't even remember. I really apologize. How dare you? I totally have gone numb. I didn't hear it. I blocked it out. I must've blocked it out. I didn't hear you saying. Can you remember how it feels doing? Standup no neither cannot forgot. I completely forgot what's so funny about this. Is that when Comedians go back to turing? We're going to be bad so bad. It could be bad at comedy bet. Comedy Rusty comedy is like body building. You have to work out every single day Were we're going to be rusty? We're going to not have done comedy for a year. We're going to reemerge dad jokes but everybody's going to be so starved for nights out. I think that they're going to be far will be lower. We're you know is going to be going to see a youtuber. Live like we're just got. We saw them. Here's the good news. You guys won't be breathing on each other because we won't be making you. You don't have to worry about spreading the virus because your mouth will be closed the whole show maybe laughing into my elbow. I didn't maybe we're foreign parring it so we are. Yeah get back feet apart. Patio loved it. I'm matched my shirt with my tape. Measure so have there been any quarantine specific fights besides him cheating on you and your dream. I shouldn't have a kid No I don't think so. Yeah you could adopt as I was thinking but really really sanitize it having like maybe like. Hose it down out front. Keep it six away from that. To me is probably the amount of dozens. I'd want from a child also thinking about. Maybe I should get a kid from foster care or adopt a kid. 'cause I'm a big adopt pro having your own at this point. It's kind of like buying a dog from a breeder. Yeah I feel like I should adopt but yeah now might not be the time or might be the perfect time we don't know. How long does it go on? I don't know I I mean we were talking about it before we started recording. But it is. It's hard to be on phone calls like planning your next year. Yeah tour dates and kind of everyone going. We hope this is the plan. Yeah because no one knows that'd be the plan. Two weeks ago we were like marches cancelled. Yeah Yeah Yeah and now it's like summer is dead. Twenty twenty two. Yeah Yeah Yeah. And then there's also the question of when we come back is are people going to have a bunch of money to spend you know and will there still be? Ptsd around groups or people don't want to go into you know venues who knows? I. I you know. We're GONNA stay positive about this but I do want to ask you. Because we are Virtual strangers that have a lot in common. Yes if we're very similar I will take it guy. Sorry they'll probably an insult. That was great. Are you kidding the same person? I'm like how much money you think I have. I'm like really really easy. I don't plan on yourself. No I do find it very interesting. That we both have been engaged in are no longer yes which I was not going to bring up until you did Because I think you've been more private about it then I have I did material about it in my special about calling engagement because it happened months before I filmed. It happened after I found out. I got the special and before we shot it so I'd write some material pretty quick. Do you feel like you. Ha- whatever's going on in your special has to reflect what's going on in your personal life or else you're being dishonest or and Congress. Yeah I mean I've done special so special Whitney I mean you know. Hbo Versus Netflix. It's also different. You feel like a phony like like if if I'm doing material on stage that isn't true anymore. Phony yes yeah me too. I need to such Obama. I literally McCann. We just stay together for another six months. I can keep doing this bit Kinda. Yeah if I can rework it then we can go our friend WHO's engaged. Yeah it's not great because there were some bits about him that I lost Conan. Yeah Yeah we got. We got him got him down. They're not going on Netflix. Got ON CONAN O. Fantastic on instagram. They're they're getting out there and we got him Santa's but yeah I mean I. We had like we were breaking up. Gradually over two months So months is actually not that long. I'm surprised I mean we were only going to say two years when we were only together for a little over a year. Okay I mean it was so silly to be engaged that soon. Do you think you'd still be together. If you're engaged Hadn't gotten gauged. No losing your. Do you think we would have broken up if you hadn't have gotten engaged. Oh I don't know I thought about that. I thought about that when it was like immediately after we broke up. I was like if we weren't engaged and the things that happened. That made me go. This is a huge issue. And we're not engaged anymore. Yeah if those things had happened when we weren't engaged maybe I don't know it could have gone one of two ways. It could have been easier to break up with him Or it would have been easier to work through things with him because it wouldn't have been so embarrassing to be like me and my fiance are not engaged anymore. Right that's right. I think that that that once you get engaged I think everything becomes fifty times more important than the stakes get higher. It's like that thing you're doing that annoys me is forever now. Yes and there's a little bit of like I'm your wife. You can't disrespect. You know everything to me. Took on such a such higher stakes. You know. Little things became big things. Yeah and then. There's also this but there's a ring on your finger. Why would I ever do that? Do not there's an also it's like you also have less ground to stand on Reich. Because they're like I spent this money on you what I yeah like you can have done that. Instill BE RUDE. Also getting sloppy. Yes I feel like. This was just going to make everything eve even forever. It's the scorecard starts every morning. Yes Oh my God or not. It's not out of jail free. This isn't like immunity. I completely agree with that. I think there was. I think they get comfortable because I put a ring on it. Yeah we're here. You put it on instagram. You're not gonNA untagged me. Walk me. Delete goes so. I solved your major problems. I made you desirable pathetic. Yeah I made you likable. Quite frankly I just help you get a couple of brand deals you me. I have filmed so many videos of you in the pool. Who got the most? Likes on your instagram? Which one knowing their engagement ring was the self fear was opened the way yeah and I think man? That's so accurate. It's like I need a minute. I think they did. You feel an immediate shift. I think so. I think there were things that I thought we had worked through That then came back and got way worse After we were engaged which hurt even more than the first time and the first time I was like this would be a reason I would break up with you in the future. If we don't get a handle on this right and then when it happened later You know much like the impending second wave of corona virus. It was even more devastating because I had experienced before. We let this get even worse. This happened again and now I feel stupid. Yeah but for me. It was like I was like. Why would you do this? We're engaged and I'm sure on their end going. You still have the same neurology. You had two months ago. I was your childhood. Still the same right. We're you went to jewelry store right. Yes didn't that change. The way you're hippocampus connect frontal lobe I K- jeweler isn't pay jewelers a surgeon. You get a lobotomy. At Jarrett's didn't sales beat that out for you. Who would put in this much effort to disappoint me? You didn't go to Zales and automatically follow all the Porn Stars Right. Isn't that what the story does? I wish that's all it was It's just sells rings. Yeah I think I think they get comfortable because they go. You're not going anywhere. I lost his down and all your friends are telling you how great I am and how lucky you are and you're telling me how great I am and how lucky you are to have me and quite frankly I believe it now and you're not gonna find out about me doing this thing and when you do find out I'm GonNa make you feel crazy for overreacting to it and Yeah I think I also think how old is he? He was two years old. Maybe this is. I think he's two years old. I don't know you know my to my my two. Most accessible relationships were with people. You know eight to ten years old at the Aso you know but also I was very. I've didn't get engaged because I was unhappy. Like I was very happy with that person for like eight. Eight nine months amazing so good and thought like. I was like this is what I needed. Somebody WHO's Not a comedian but sort of comedy adjacent and can work from home. Yeah and travel with me. Sometimes and is very even. Keel and just really. Was that on your clipboard. It was on my list that I wrote for my pass. Here's my and then I want works from home. Good family checked good church. Going boy check loves dogs. Well I mean I don't want you to feel too much responsibility as a successful female comedians. But I mean I went to lunch with a girlfriend of mine after I called off my engagement where I'm just like I don't know if we can have everything I'm like like I really like. I'm so glad like Whitney's engage in happy. That makes me feel better and she goes. I think Whitney cough engagement and I was like. Are You fucking kidding I? I went to the bathroom. It was just like dry heaving okay. It's not we can't have. We have both. I have to choose from dry. Cough cough I was. I was a wet. I'm soaking wet everywhere. You got everywhere no driving any any once you get engaged. The machines sets off the family. Start email get on a chain. You get the website you get the like people start kicking in. I've got the ring. You're using your grandma's ring we're sending the lace like it becomes this huge operation that you become a really small part of. Yeah the pressure. The expectations everyone starts inviting the family. Friends and onto. Nana's GonNa die soon so we need to do it near where she has and debt by this type. Just become so much bigger than you. Yeah that was disorienting to me. Did you buy address? No no did you got an email from them today. It is in Irvine California and I have not had time to pick it up and now I can't because it's a non essential business that emailed me today. They've left me so many voicemails where they're like. Hey so we should probably get you fitted for this dress because like ordered it because it's like habitually do not much my special into took like eight months for them to get make it or whatever so I ordered it while we're engaged and it was the first time I went to look at wedding dresses with my best friend and I found my dream wedding dress and I was like I just again as you've got it great and then cut to like a month later like giving the ring back and I'm just like I'm like There were so many reasons that I wanted to. Just push through it. Yeah I told all my family. I bought a dress. I mean. That's half the women I know like I bought a dress. What was I going to do? Return Mary this guy. Thank God I spend a lot of money on. I sp- I spent. I was never gonNA buy a super expensive wedding dress because like why would you do that? You'RE GONNA wear it once but I have a friend who bought a wedding dress. It didn't go through the wedding. Act Like it's a credit card like it didn't go for no one's how that happened and she died at black and she wears it. It's like a cocktail dress. It's actual I was upset that it did not Come in time for me to take promotional photos in it. Where my special it you know. It came in a little later than that and then by the time it came in. I didn't want to go get it because it's a bit of a drive. Yeah and then I have to get it fitted and I just couldn't I couldn't walk in there and be like can I get it in a trash bag? I was like I was like I'm GonNa go in there and just have them like fit me. I guess. And when they're like. So may thirtieth. I'm to go yeah like I. I wasn't sure how to handle it. What does it look like? I mean I'll show you a picture I mean. Yeah he is so curious. It's an issue. Not we point. We both have married other. I mean let's do it please. I think we'd take really good care of. I don't think so. We're very similar. I still haven't album label dress and my phone. Yes do I probably Oh. It's pretty right hot. It's gorgeous and your Dong Dong but is on phone. The full display did you. Because it's interesting because you really learn a lot about who you are when you try on wedding dresses whether or not you're engaged. Not I suggest everybody do it. The sales people love it. Love when you come in not engaged and just try it on with your filthy body was just so weird. I I when I went in. Chide wedding dresses on. It was just so odd what I thought I would like. We all have this image of you know the wedding dress. You'd where I picture just like really big and just Disney or whatever and I was like no I think I'm a straight down mermaid. Well I have a picture of the other ones. Leave lace purse. I was a long sleeve. Lace person called that with you. I was GONNA say Stra- I was GONNA say strapless never in front of my grandparents. No what is this a horror themed wedding. I would never have cleavage my grandparents. Will you can get him. You know I mean. What did you just picture when I said streetside on? This was the other one that I was looking at which is very very different and very cleavage. This one is. I'm trying to show this. One is a little oxana by that one's a little like a little. Let's skip the daddy daughter Dan when it looked so good on me but your fiancee would have been able to motor boat you at any point. It was a great dress the wedding it was also like off the rack. The perfect site. Oh flattering so. That was almost it and the night little Russian is it. Yeah yeah bad way. Is there no the good Russia? You know like the dictator Americans. The head of the Americans like Keri Russell like this dress could ruin a democracy. But I'm saying it's interesting in these are off white off white person. Yeah full white person either. Yeah not a full white person. It's so weird where you avail person. They they do the thing in the store where they what did they say on. Say Yes to the dress. They Jack you up. That's how they say it say address where they'd give you a fake bouquet an avail and they take pictures of you in the right light and you could kind of decide. I definitely was not going to be avail- person I do have a oh I do have a wedding venue Alma. Yeah but these are dresses that I'm not in that. I didn't try but you took pictures of the dress now. They're screengrabs from instagram. Oh that's really pretty. I had a cape that I I was GonNa work you to wear a K- I mean I don't know I screen grabbed this. Yeah I wanted to look like a. I mean Superhero. I can picture the wedding shots of you in a large field on a huge estate. Walking your three dogs with with a Gauzy Cape behind you. I was Full Cape. Once I saw that you could get a wedding cape. I was thinking about doing a suit like member when slain diong pursuit backwards. So I was like I could do that but I don now. It's probably not as G- getting as many likes the hot white suit. That's you could do that for a special. You know what I mean may be. I don't think so. I think that people and their special should dress simply classic timeless. You're very good at this. Oh thank you hold up very well thank you. I hope so you know that was the I loved the Canadian Tuxedo you went with. Oh Gosh Yeah you do you regret it you know. I don't I just I. I always panic and a special and I always look. I'm a nineties bitch and swam and I always look nineties. And that's just it. I usually look nineties in your other. Specials yes no. I don't think so really. You had like You had like a blazer on the HBO special. I was worrying I looked like on me. I look like Emily's on. I looked like a French mime. You very she. I thank you I got. That was like a suit. That was a suit with a camisole underneath. Yes 'cause I was like I'm going to be feminine and I'm GonNa try to not neuter myself. This was back when there was such a thing as gender and this is Becca used to classify categories and so and then I wore heels. That's the first time I've ever heels in special and that was the most I was going to ask you about. That person downplayed a pulled it off. Thank you very. There was no point where I was like. She struggled may spread to roller ankle on her closer. That was the less physical special as I recall and I remember thinking for that special. Maybe I shouldn't be so manic like I remember looking back and just sometimes. I'm just like a little manic onstage and then helped me wearing a little kitten. Him helped me just kind of hold my a power a little bit and be a little more still right. Those were not kidding. He also those were in King. It's yours were like the height of an actual kitten standing on his hind legs. They were they were. They were a couple of inches which made me think it's so funny because I you probably have people tell you like you seem much older than you are not your face not because of your face my soul my insides. My guts are ancient. I got a lot of that too. I don't get it anymore. I now get like you need to grow up Aged backwards. I'm mentally Benjamin Button. I'm so curious if there are things that you haven't heard of references that I now oh hit here twenty six. Yes Lisa Loeb. I've heard I've I couldn't tell you. What Lisa Loeb looks like or what she does. But I've heard Lisa Lo I love this shit. Nothing Lisa Loeb you say. Oh she's singer. I only hear what I. That's Lisa Lopes. That's on how I don't listen to the full House or reality bites. Oh really yeah but she was I do. I do love that movie but you didn't watch. Mtv when MTV had music videos no reality TV. Not Really. I've never really watched reality. Tv though Jordan Catalano is yes. I do know Jordan Catalano. Oh Yeah Yeah from my so called. The has yeah. Yeah so what you watch all yes I think. I don't remember why I watched that. It was probably on some list that I was like. Oh I should look that up. It wasn't easy to find the show. I watched it. Oh that's interesting but I had the air young. You probably ripped it off napster. Probably I watched the office in very low quality. Yeah I I. Do you know the crash test dummies. This is a deep cut. Do I know what a crash test dummy like the commercials in cars? There's a band called crash test dummy. Oh I didn't know that Is really bad. Remember there was a girl Girl who got into an accident and would and come to school and Wen music you can listen to crazy the saugus until I this is crazy. Have you heard like ground pretty upbeat? Someone got an axe. I can't believe this didn't come to school. We're over here like thank you next. My Life's going to be better. I can't believe that we listen to delay this. Of course you know it There was a girl who was it. Couldn't change with the girls in the change room together. Member does no no one's in here. Don't worry Song About Carrie here. I can't believe hold on. I have to pull it up so you don't think I'm just making this up. Remember this back. I'd turn from look inside that it was Roy Moore and this is the chorus Some music was good. Wasn't your kids noise that noise you listen to look at my but look at my but we had real music. What Song is that? Look at my but I don't know that's that's that's the oldest thing you've ever said by the way now your music. Now look at my but look at my but I even my GRANDPA said ass. Call me on Whitney from now. Do you remember Sinead? O'connor yes since she get in trouble on. Snl Oh my gosh. That's your reference point. Yeah I think that's a shaved head. Yeah she was a singer and my day right. That's all I know. I couldn't send you one song can you I can. Oh I'm sure I'm sure you guys want me to guys are just sitting there waiting for me to do it. How DID IT GO MOMMA? What was it? Oh and since you've been gone no I know that one Sinead O'Connor no impairs. She sounds exactly like that as well. Oh Na income pairs the good news is better dead. Mom You have a very promising Internet career post pandemic and we can't perform for people anymore live. You're going to be great on youtube doing impressions of singers. I mean this pandemic has been great for my career. I mean is it. I'm going to pivot and pivot hard. Logan Palm Common for you for your money coming for your ferraris common for your tigers for all of it can you name the singers of Tlc what Tlc do you remember Tlc. I'm more of an HGTV. But I again. I love the dress what not to wear but deal see. You've heard the band I've heard the band. Yeah but you know what T. L. and see starts no TS tebas. L. IS LEFT. Die and see as chilly chilly. Are these names? Yeah good singers. Okay all right. This is so fascinating to me did you. What did you watch going? I mean Lizzie McGuire. I'm really young man. That's so sweet genuinely very sad. When Hillary Duff is like we're not making was McGuire. They were moving because they wouldn't let her make it like edgy. Right yeah I mean she's also the best. She's I mean you have. You met her. Is She the best best person? Oh I know the nicest kindest love like just like it's weird because I think that I've had my heartbroken by so many people like meeting. Heroes meeting famous people names. Oh honey let's see how this how this quarantine goes. I'm happy to burn bridges if there's the bird is leading anywhere when this business collapses I will name all the name. I'm so excited when I become a youtube star. This is the first time I've wanted it to get worse for now. I need to kiss everybody's ass though I hate them. That's great. She's she's like a delight lake rescues dogs like makes her own almond. Milk also has not aged an at all said she was twelve day. She looks exactly the same. She's maybe most beautiful person I've ever seen. It's nice when people are like nicer than you expect them to be. Yeah I know it's so it's so funny because you don't get points for that that's my thing when someone's like she's so nice it's like okay but you don't get points for that but we are at this point where we kind of have to when someone's not an. Asshole WE'RE LOOK. Thank you so much for not throwing something at me. I know like when did our bargains Solo. I know there's different levels to it. There's like all they were so nice. It's like really how. Why what were they like just like they sat down and they talk to me and they looked me in the eye and yeah I was doing. They said thank you. Yeah that's not the same thing I'll use you as an example You can sit here and feel awkward about this so the first time I met you was at the. Dc IMPROV Which I'm praying for every day. I love them so much. Dc Improv Abou I. What was this year? When did you feel special march so year ago was only a year ago year ago and I was headlining that we can you were filming your special in DC and the manager? Alison asked me the first day on Thursday. At radio she goes. Whitney wants to come in and do a ten minute guest spot and I was like. Do you still want me to do the show? And she was like no. I'm asking you if you're okay with Whitney doing a guest spot and I was like Whitney can do the whole weekend. Like what are you talking about like you know? It's just you know you're the headliner and like she's filming your special. She wants to just work on like a joke and I said Yeah. Of course it's fine. You came in you first off Acted like we'd met before we had not which was very nice of you. I was like this is like I was like. Here's say I think I had. I I sure seen you right. You know what I mean and I knew of you. That's what a nice famous person. Does they go. Hey how are you like you've met before it's absolutely the nicest thing to do because you know maybe we didn't meet once at the comedy store and you can't remember we. I'm telling you we hadn't because I would have remembered but I just thought it was nice that you came in like we're both legs were equal and I definitely didn't forget how you know. This is ridiculous. How could you even asked me so you came in here like we're just treated me like we were the same and I'm like we are not you could've done the show? You think profusely for a guest spot. I was looking at your but the entire time I was completely objectified. You thanked me profusely for ten minute. Guest spot did not run the Light Bhai a second game. You're shadowed on your instagram and then sent flowers to my hotel room the next day. So either. You're the nicest person ever. You have an amazing assistant and I left that we going winning. Cummings is the classiest person in show business. I think like who does that so that is for Tim and again sports. My first time ever headlining. This wasn't the first time you headline was at the Addison Improv A very famous comedian showed up. 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But you won't want to express a little love our show. Go TO MY BILLY DOT COM SLASH WHITNEY. For ten percent off your razor. It's a smaller. You could support while also getting the best razor of your life half the price. Plus shipping is always free limited time special offer so go now get ten percent off your razor at my billy dot com and your body's going to look like a porpoise. No time I cannot think of one famous comedian who I would expect to be that Trepidation about it. I really cannot like to me. It just seems like such a no brainer. Yeah that somebody who was filming a special that weekend. Yeah and is famous. Would not be like is this cool. Of course it is. I know like I just I just I don't know in and maybe this is. Why like you so much environment with you? I just don't have that entitlement thing I think like this is you know I can't I do? This is your show. You know still won't park in the paid regular lot of the comedy store because I feel weird making Friends of Mine Park my car by the way good like good. That is like the healthy reaction like I think that a lot of people that have big. Egos I get it. I get but I think the best comedians are. The ones that for their entire career are like is this okay. Is this cool. Because you're staying in touch with reality. Your empathic your sensitive. Those are the best comedians. Yeah the ones that are like who me. Shucks like. Those are the ones that I think are the best writers. The best performers have the biggest careers. Someone that comes in and this isn't you but the people that come in that they do one you know set on TV and they're like a fucking killed who says that. Oh my God you're not. There's no way you're funny. The best comedians come off stage like how was that was that okay beating themselves up having panic attacks. Totally spiraling could've done better. I remember my I WANNA say this is my. I did like my second special nor is the HBO Special. So is my third special. And they're looking what we should do. This was a time when everyone was doing like opens and like little skits and fro here. Which I don't you know I just like I just like to kind of get to it And I did open my special with an elaborate man on the street but yeah where. I pretended like nobody knew that I was performing at the venue. But it's fine job. I didn't do that. I mean that it depends on how it's executed right. A lot of people are going to get mad at me about this. No I think most people say that now most people are like joke. Let's not do any skits. I haven't seen any. I mean we had like twenty seconds of me backstage with music over the line and I was like. Is this your because you see so many like famous medians? Now who just come out to silence. And you're like that's pretty cool but you also have people who are like losing their shit they gave you people were there to see me and it was very nice but it wasn't like you know like Marc Maron walking out to a smaller room of people and they're just like please welcome mark mayor and really. This is the coolest shit we need to kind of build me up a little bit because people were most people are GonNa Watch going. Who got enough like all right? I'm like no. Let's make me look cool for like twenty seconds. It's also worth this place where it's like. There are a lot of people have obsessing over this. I haven't washed my hair and so long. It looks good and I have this like weird. I look like Theo von. I have this weird chunk of dreadlock happening. Only Jason Full Jason Momoa. But Yeah what is? That's really annoy me I I think though that there's so many super famous comedians that we all think our favorites that no one knows about and they see him for the first time on Netflix. Right next to your special yours. Famous is somewhat you know what I mean. It's like I think we're in this place. Now where people are so many there has never heard of you or knows what you had for breakfast. Right there's no in between someone's famous if you follow them so somebody follows you. You're the most famous person in their life. Do you know what I mean. It's there the days of everyone having the same celebrities or it's just over. Yeah you know what you're probably right. I mean that's my brand probably. Don't be the new tour when you're like right. Sure ethically right for me to be doing live shows the right decision and you'll probably live probably okay but not your point like you know so they were like let's film you coming off stage. Let's have some behind the scenes. This is like right when it was like. We need social media content and we had to film ourselves doing everything all the time. I was like okay. Sure like if you guys want to fill me coming up say go for it I come up. Stage shows second. Show Saturday so it's like great. Everyone's G- energies gray. I come off. It's the best version of what I'M GONNA do. I've been doing it for a year. It's your special can't go better than this. I'm never been more rehearsed or prepared for this. Could've gone better off stage. The we play the footage back like in post and editing. Like I look devastated. I look heartbroken. I look like I'm grieving I. I'm not the person that comes off. Stage like yeah looking it like. I'm not that person I come up stage and I'm like Oh shit. I did that out of order like I should have done this better. Like what was that. Like yeah like melancholy. Use the footage. Yeah it was sad. Shoot ME GOING ON STAGE. Shoot me like yeah. They're eight get. Yeah but I'm not. I'm not that person at all. You got to pretend to believe in yourself before you go on stage and then once you're off your like just tricked all those people. What a great way to say it. I gotTA pretend to believe in myself. I've been the same way when I get off stage. I feel like just like okay like everyone get away from me now. The job you know it is a job. That's that's why I like you so much as you treat it like a job and you make it okay to not be treating it like party not enjoy. You are not that fun and I really love that about you because I'm not fun. I'm glad I made it okay for you to be miserable at you are hot and efficient and successful and I really enjoy it. I think it's very inspiring and that's who I looked to okay. I was on tour with With Bert I was like when I was younger I would feature for him and I was so impressed with who he was and how he operates on the road and how he just brings everyone into his world and I was also like I will never never. This could never do it. I look on the bus. What are these people on the bus? What's what are you? What is every washing our hands or who sleep? We go sleep the same time. Yeah I I need in order to socialize for two hours. I need about five days. Yes to like REV UP. Yeah Oh after this pandemic. I genuinely think I might be an extrovert afterward. I feel like after this. I'm going to be like oh I get why People WanNa talk in line at the grocery store this makes sense to me and your dog just started and my dog just Martin. I think so. Yeah no he's been fighting a lot. I also think you said daughter. Nuno your dodged McKay. No I'm so sorry I'm six feet away from you but I'm trying to walk to come. I is that you're excused because you think I'm giving corona. Oh wait a second. We actually had an interesting conversation downstairs of when you go outside now and you go near someone. There's this unanimous decision. This very consensual almost choreographed. Lean away from each other and I appreciate that. That's a Saul doing what we're supposed to be doing. Good Straight A students. But there's a are we saying is the subtext. I might have this or is it. You look like you have this. I think it's case by case. I think if I see someone coming towards me and they look very well groomed and they're already leaning. I trust them. Love that person and I go. This is on me. I'm I'm the trash fire do and I will go into the gutter. You can keep the sidewalk but if you're the clown and this is how you can tell if you're walking towards me on the sidewalk and I go into the street. It means I respect you. I go into someone's lawn to avoid you. That means I think I'm better than you. There's this guy wants When I was in my twenties like a friend of mine that leg hooked up with a lot of girls and I was like I hope you're using protection right. And he's like here's the key to using a condom if you hook up with a girl in. She insists on using a condom. You don't need to use one because that means she uses it all the time. Oh my God I can't believe friends with any men but that works this example. If someone's Super Anal I've Mike Okay. You're right those texts this morning. Are you comfortable doing this? If you're not comfortable then that makes me more comfortable. We cancel this. Say set. You trying to counsel maybe like I have legitimately been listening to the beginnings of People's podcasts Where they talk about how they're doing kneeling. Can I go do their podcast? Have they been staying inside? Yeah Yeah Yeah because I just don't know you don't you don't it's are you. You've done a couple of your podcast remotely So tell me about your podcast. It's called self helpless. It's called self helpless I do it with Kelsey. Cook and Delaney Fisher. Kelsey is also touring comic and Delaney used to do standup. That's how we all met. And now she owns her business works from home. I'm so fascinated when I see younger. Female comics being friends. Oh Yeah I'm always like that's no is a new fund thing. I yes. There's more of us. Do you think it's gotten less competitive? That's a great question which by the way I do not judge competitive female comics. Hot Take. Is that a lot of them. Yes can be nasty and and but I do think my generation up. We had to be like that to navigate this. Do you know what I mean. So we get. We're grandfathered in we get a little prickly right okay. We're allowed to be competitive because I think that chicken and egg. That's the only way you had to be like really Alpha and really fierce and really competitive in order to say. I want to go do that at two in the morning. Every night with a bunch of drunk Bros. Yes you know what I mean so I I give I give them a pass whenever people complain about. How mean female comics two other female? Comex There used to be one slot on it. Yeah a competitive out because it was a competition. Yeah very recently. I think there's a nice way to acknowledge the competition. Yeah I think I haven't had anybody be like a bitch to me Ling. I haven't had any of that. You leave exc. They don't hang out but I think any time that I have felt that. Yeah between me another prison. We both acknowledged it. I'm like okay. Well they do not give many spots to this so if anybody's going to get it it's going to be one of us like that kind of thing just good game. Yeah I mean I did last comic standing five six years ago. Yeah And I remember being in a van with Esther provide ski and we were like in the top twenty. Yeah and we were in the van going. We're both it's young white girl so it will be one of US goes to top ten anything. By that point. We were so tired of the reality show aspect. I hope it's you. I always like a good joke for you. I've got closer. You Take my museum. Combine the best of all you know I think also like you know. I think that there's a little bit of a confusion and maybe it's just the scarcity complex thing like you know and I tried to save as much as I can. It's like it doesn't help female comics if other female comics fail or aren't funny. Yes you know so there is a little bit and maybe it's just other people pitting women against each other you know like when I walked in airport someone will come up to me and be like Oh my God I love you and then we'll just list other female comics. They don't think are funny. I I hate female covers like so and so so and you and this wasn't that funny I know through my friend. You're kind of just trashing my friends but I see what you're doing But I I think people are like if a female comic isn't funny then when our specials come up and people don't know who we are they're going to go didn't work out last time like the more. The more everyone succeeds. Yeah you know what I mean. So it's like it's sort of a weird thing to be competitive about it. It's just like mathematically wrong. Yeah people will give my special a chance. Not Knowing Him. Yeah because they watched you or if you like this also watch this. Yeah everybody helps everybody you know and it's just it's it's it's so interesting to me. I never know if it's sort of the kind of personality that would sign up to do. Such A. Savage job is just going to have to be a savage person or what it is exactly. Yeah I mean I feel like being like a White Guy in your thirties right now. The competition isn't that that's like the hardest thing I may ask. Us sitting It was at the Improv with Sarah Silverman. This must have been like. I don't like six months ago back when we were alleged outside And we were watching some guy. I don't know who it was. It was like I don't even think I knew him but He was on stage. It's like a white guy talking about his family or something and Sarah legitimate like this is actually really funny like when it's not all of them like I actually really enjoy that like it's real. It's refreshing to hear this point of view. It's not the only point of view. Yeah yeah that's the idea is to make everybody's point of view refreshing. Yeah because everybody's getting a minute. Yeah it's been interesting. Do you find that Guys you know. I'll just say that I do that. Sometimes guys will come up to me and the big look. My girlfriend loves you. I don't know you but my girlfriend thinks you're hilarious. Can we get a picture? And I'm like you're allowed to think girls funny. Yeah you can like me right. You don't have to say it's your girlfriend. Yeah do you think he McGee mostly men or women when you look out by? I got a guy at her. Was I think it was the Brea Improv? This was like a year ago. Maybe maybe a little less and a guy came up to me with his girlfriend. He goes look. I hate female comedians. Here we go here. She made me come back. Takes out a small bottle of fireball and he goes. I brought this to get drunk because I thought you were gonNA suck. I'm and he goes. You were great. I didn't even open it. I was like I don't know how to feel because on the one hand all thank you my first. Is I win. Would you like a photo? Yes I also also tag me. I'll take what I can. I know to admit something like that is pretty nuts. I know he wants points for that. He thinks you're GONNA go lake. We got one. Everybody got us going to ring a bell like he like. We got a donation or so many opportunities for him to turn around and non do that. So many times I WanNa talk about your progress. Because it's about self help mostly right. It is about south. Hope Yeah I want to see if there's any I can help you with. Oh my gosh. There's so much you can help me with twenty six. I mean I was unconscious. Really seem very clear. Thank you so much aware honestly and this is maybe a little more but my mom died when she was thirty four and I laugh at things fuck. I should've told you okay so you can't say that things to me because I start laughing. That's totally fine. People laughing at me. No but it's it's good. It's like I might have to go for a walk. Oh really yeah like so sad thing. That made me laugh uncontrollably. Oh I'm sorry. It's like an emotional dyslexia. Can I get real no? I wasn't ready kidding. I was alive so thank God. Thank God you're just about delighted. Dream wants A. My mom died at thirty four and I am cheated with your mom. Is that story? Okay sorry I think I just have always expected and maybe you. I don't know this might not be a dead parenting. This could just be some a workaholic. But I've always felt like I'm running out of time. Yeah Yeah you're talking person probably isn't the right. Thank God. You're having all of your emotional work completely undone by well. I feel like I don't work hard enough. Thank you so you're feeling well my God. I just start through more podcasts. I I always felt like I'm going to be dead at thirty four and I felt like why I've been lucky in this business where I do work hard and I I try to. Yeah deserve what I get but I also every time I get something like I kid. You Not Whitney when this pandemic kit is it a week after my special came out. I was like I knew it. I knew it. I knew something I knew it was going to well And I knew something. Meanwhile so many more people are watching because of it. I hate getting that feedback to where people are. Hey everyone's watching Netflix right now. I think everyone was watching just slower. Are you saying it took a pandemic to get people to watch myself? That's what you're saying. Let seems ran out of things to watch. Yeah that sounds like something going. Well he's not GonNa Cheat on. You can't but yeah. I think I've just always felt like I don't have enough time to be unconscious like I never felt like I could party. Yeah hanging out drank anything like I don't have time to have my life fall apart and then put myself back together. I have to be together because I'm going to be dead very soon because your mom died. It's Oh it's luck. My Dad's dead which is also by laughing. Okay now let me. It's when other people tell me something horrible I can't handle. I've always laugh at things that are horrific. It's just my emotional dyslexia. That's you know. I think it's how he's coping mechanisms. How WE COPE? I'm not offended but I wasn't prepared. Okay your mom passed thirty four. How you should be? How could you come in here? An ambush me bad news when you know my brain is broken. So how old were you? Eight okay okay. Yeah yeah so then went through puberty like a year later and it became abundantly. Clear that I was not going to get hot After this tragedy and we're very hot. This is recent this. I'm not even that hot like I think I'm cute but this is like the last few years. What do you mean like I? I was not like your face turned. I don't think I was even in the neighborhood of hot until like three years ago really. Yeah I think you're very hot and not. I'm not a consensus. I feel like a vixen really hot. You haven't spoken to anyone in thirteen. I don't consensus voices. Dogs think so. I'm in a lot of contact with a lot of COMEDIANS. And if you don't think we've brought up your but you are sorely mistaken. I know I've I've heard if you think the me too movement made it to comedy. You are wrong loudly. I've heard I've sweetheart. I developed really early and as a kid like I started wearing a sports bra when I was in third grade and so people were commenting on like my boobs and my ass yeah four. They should've been proudly but my face wasn't like killing it up so I just I think I might have been no. I was just like I was this height in fifth grade. Like I was maybe an insurer I just looked fifteen when I was ten and so for me. I didn't want anybody block some. Yeah I didn't want anyone looking at my body in that way because I didn't feel ready for it and you weren't because you weren't I wasn't ready. I didn't feel ready. You weren't ready. I just didn't feel ready. You're ready to be extracted. You Roam shy child but I just didn't. I didn't want anybody looking at me that way. But then you still want to be pretty but then you don't when people comment on specific parts of your body you start to feel like they're like chopping you up. Yes going this bits. Good and you're like me connected to the MIT well. It's also like I'm thinking about what you send him God. It's so weird that she felt the need to be pretty young age. And I'm like oh no we have pageants. We have children in tanning beds. Yeah wearing wet and wild lip gloss like we do sexualize actual children. Yeah and you spend so much time trying to be pretty And then you get into comedy and you go. Oh I have to not be pretty to be good at this and for me when I found comedy was like cool. I don't have to be pretty. I can stop trying to be pretty and just focus on being funny And then once people started making comments like Oh you're just you're not funny. You're just pretty like which I don't get a ton of that but sometimes I did and I was listening. You thank you. I was like mad where I was like. I would get more mad at myself. I mean I got mad at myself a month ago doing today show where I was like you dumb bitch trying to look good when you're just supposed to be funny like You I was so mad because to me it was like I still feel like sometimes you can be both but your first priority has to be funny and so I think for me becoming a comedian was like a relief of like I found. It's like when you were a kid. And they go. You know you're not that pretty but you have a great personality like something. Yeah and you meet someone with a great personality who's also very symmetrical and you're like some people just give. It doesn't seem at all so like once they have depression. Thank God and then once I started doing Santa. Bows like cool? I'm just going to be funny. I don't need to. I will make up for my looks. This way By being really. And then your genetics kicked in and you had hot. I guess you're very like Jenna Pot. Thank you so much. That is what works. Best on me. You're very It's not who is it. Like not betty page whose it's You've got very like fifties pinup hot. Oh thank you betty. Betty Davis I don't know see. I'm not that old. Benny pages like Betty. Pairing was a pinup girl this X. Really fascinating to me. I'm I'm obsessed with Women that were sex symbols. That knew they shouldn't be photographed. After a certain time and just kind of disappeared So Betty page also had he. Lamar did the same thing. Betty page at like thirty five moved to Florida in doesn't allow any photos to be taken of her. She's like I wanted to be remembered that way. Is She still alive? Don't know that's that's I mean. That's a perfect example of. How well she did that. We're like is she still alive. We don't know deceased died in two thousand eight but the last pictures of her when she was like thirty five. I think I like I've expired. And never let any photos be taken her. I think I watched a movie about her And I genuinely thought she died young. That was her plan. She wanted to Bloomberg Erie and weird. She knew she's like I know my value. And I WANNA be immortalized this way. That makes me so sad as a woman and so impressed from a branding perspective and like should I just disappear so ask me something. Asked me something that you guys have not figured out on your because I think it was gonNA come to your poss- some I think. So and now I mean yeah oh I wanted to ask you this. Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? Of course still. Yeah I mean because you seem very self aware but you also seem pretty confident like we just talked about the like. Oh I hate myself. I didn't do that right. Yeah that's like perfectionism. Work Hall is of course. We'll have that but the impostor syndrome. I don't deserve this and I'm not good enough. Yeah do you still struggle with sorry? Okay I don't have so I don't I definitely don't hate myself. I don't say that anymore even as a joke. That's one of the off limits things for me but like when I come upstage and I'm like what it's more like. How did I do that? I could have done that better. Which is true. Yes saying I could have done. Something better is not low self esteem. I don't like this thing. Where now at if self edification in self-improvement is now self flagellating? It's not it's a scientific fact that if I go on stage and I come off. I probably could have done something a little bit better. The audience will never know the difference. It doesn't matter but I know I know yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah I'm the one that did this so I know that I could have done better. You guys don't get to decide that I have low self esteem because I want this to be as good as it can be like. I refuse on that. I refuse for someone being wanting to be excellent as like being pathologist says a perfectionist. Yes you know what I mean as long as you yourself have times that you go. That was excellent. That's right that's right but if you never do that agreeing agree agree. Great so imposter for me. I don't think I don't deserve certain things actually think I deserve a lot more. I'll teach me how will that way I have had a lot of things in this business? Go sideways and like really unfairly not happen. Because of people's Egos and bad behavior granted. I made bad decisions I mean I didn't I didn't. They weren't bad at the time with Mike clipboard and on paper. I didn't trust my gut about certain people that ended up being you know megalomaniacs narcissists and that destroyed things so. I had a lot of things that I wanted to happen not happen. I had the wrong team in place so I think I deserved for those. They sound so i. I have reverse imposter syndrome with a couple projects where I'm like. It's unfair that that that didn't happen. I mean look I but I'm also I'm going to tell us that program step threes. Everything's happening exactly as it should. And Thank God. That didn't happen in dodged a bullet in rejection. God's protection and all that looking back. It is the best thing that happened. I know that but I I still am allowed to say I deserve that and I didn't get it and life's not fair and that's fine Inter I definitely have I think because we're magicians. In a way you know we sometimes go on stage and you guys are GonNa think we're having the best time of our lives and we're really sad inside or confused or you might think that we You know a really in the moment president when sometimes we're not and we're thinking about our next joke or whatever I went onstage. I did two months of stand up right after my dad died and no one would've known a lot of what we do is acting so when. I have a the impostor syndrome of trick to them. Sometimes it's true You know so I have a little bit of. They're going to find out that I'm a phony. There's a little bit of that because ending. Sometimes we have to be because of the circumstances I mean I was dreading doing shows the week that everyone was canceling. 'cause CORONA BECAUSE I'm not to go to Detroit and I'll have to go in there. I'M GONNA have to pretend I'm not scared and I'm GonNa have to pretend that every time I hear cough I don't hear it. I'M GONNA have to barrel through these jokes. I'm going to have to like lie about why can't do a meet and greet. I was like I'm GonNa have to be a complete phony and sometimes we have to do that right. You know so. I think that I some I've to delineate the difference between imposter syndrome and like no. I did kind of just pull one over because I had to because we have to perform we plan at six months in advance. And we don't know what's going to happen that morning and if my mom is sick and something bad happens and I just heard bad news I still have to go on stage and not let anyone know. But that's a there's a difference between this audience is going to find out that I'm sad today and every audience is GonNa find out. I actually suck. Yeah Yeah Haley. Yeah I remember when I Was Touring. I was opening for this male comedian. That was pretty big at the time and his whole thing was about being a married guy being married guy and his kids and his wife and the thing and probably his annoying nagging wife because all wives are annoying and a nightmare. You dare they rear and Razors. You propose to them. Like he went and bought the ring. Why and he was broken up. They were they had been divorced for like six months in every night before he went onstage. He'd put on his wedding ring. So Ellie Rudolph is like oh brutal that is sober. Yeah that to me is when when I think when I'm being false or not telling the truth you know that's when I would feel like I was just being fake or being phony but I think that I think that that goes away with time you know. I think I definitely felt it more in the beginning and I don't feel it as much anymore because of how much I've given up for this and how hard I've worked I don't really feel it anymore. Yeah I feel a little bit. It was like a podcast. 'cause I don't know what I'm doing like the place I feel imposter syndrome is like with podcast. You know stuff that I haven't been doing for a really long time like I look at you. Know someone like Rogaine and people in Bobby Layman Friends of mine. That are doing pockets for a long time. And I'm like I don't want you to think that I think I'm you. Yeah you know because I'm really big into meritocracy. We're so worried about what other kind they don't give a shit good for you. Can I come in your podcast? And I'm like but I'm not trying to steal your late. They're like we don't think you are fine. Yeah I mean I don't know I think I think Comedians who are successful. Don't worry about other people being successful. I think unsuccessful Comedians toggle. A lot of Shit. Yeah that's correct and so if someone's talking shit about you. It's like they're talking about everybody. Yeah that's right now. Like they're they're probably saying like and they last special was fine. You know nothing like it's also like yeah. They have more time to gossip because they only do fifteen minutes a night right. Yeah more time on their hands and they're hanging out. I remember this was like I want to say member. And Jerry Seinfeld was at the comedy store like two months ago. This was recently Jerry. Seinfeld like popped into the comedy store and there's held a lease alone. Vote Pompton and did this. I had never heard this before but it was fucking hilarious about reasons. Of course he can make raisins funny and he did like long very good bit about raisins. Just destroys right. He goes off stage. I go on I think after Hammer. I don't know who else it doesn't matter and then I go sit down in pretty known. Comic is like doing old material. I was like Whoa go dude. It's first of all I haven't heard that. Yeah I don't know if like what are you doing? I know what are you doing? Yeah and I remember having this very specific moment whereas like don't do that don't do it. Yeah it is a part of the brain that's responsible for being. A comedian is being critical. Judging being sort of an observer not a participant. Because that's what we are. We're not participants in society where observers in society. It's that simple and we have to find something wrong with everything we've defined injustice everywhere right. I mean Gary Goldman. Did it with sugar cookies like we can. We can make anything offensive what we do so but I think the key is being able to turn it off when it comes to other comedians. And we're not performing or writing. Yeah I think for me. I have really tried to find something. I can liken respect about most common Even if they're not like I thing and if they're not but we're not the target audience exactly where you're buying tickets. You don't have to like it and it's funny I've ever Neal Brennan said once A bout like comedy managers and he was like if I was a comedy manager. I would just walk into a comedy club. Ask all the Comedians who they hate and then signed those comics that's hilarious. That's so fun. Yeah who do you hate great right because every time you talk shit about another comedian? What you're really saying is why didn't I get what they got? Why don't I have what they have? That's right and you're just a just makes you sound angry and yeah and it doesn't even if other people are agreeing with you that just going to you. Don't even have a lot of anger. I don't but I've also gotten a lot of shit really. Oh my God I've got. I mean like I've been given a lot of opportunities by the industry if I was like. I have more good news and badness I haven't heard about it really yeah. I have a Netflix Special Whitney. I know but I'm twenty six. What's it's a stupid thing? No I mean I mean I got my first special at twenty six and I gotta listen God. Y'All don't ever don't ever gives me don't ever Google Yourself. Oh no I would never you getting me. I think I got my first special twenty six. That's what I'm saying. Oh God saying do you still feel that way because I'm sure you do fog? Yeah I'd I feel like I've just always been all like I what I was twenty six. I didn't even think I know I am. I am you. Yeah Oh beginning. Oh you are you are Italy and I am the United States and you should be telling me what to expect that I never leave your home ever again. Maroon yourself in your apartment for life never speak to another person and don't Google yourself under any circumstance. I do think though I think for me. It's so interesting that I didn't put that together because I just keep going like well. She's young in a different time like it's still so early. That's rolling farted. That's really really aggressively. So I gave him duck. Eggs don't ask did you. Actually I I wanted to get him just eggs and I got home and they were duck. Eggs Hashtag Los Angeles and so those are duct far. You have no idea how good you have it Bro. I think in my head I just go like Oh like people think women are funny now. Like this is a different totally. This is not a gender thing. This is an age. That's right interesting when you got a special. Yeah at Twenty Six. And you know yeah. How old was Berlin Birgit? Blew up what I mean. I think it's like what would be worse being successful and having people not like you or being not successful and having the respective comics not you wouldn't have either no. I think there are people who are considered like underrated or whatever. Who would you want? You want to be underrated. No probably would I'll be overrated any day of the fucking really S. When have everyone hate you? Sure really yeah. I don't know that I feel that way. If you don't pay my bills I just don't I can't listen to you. I just it's bad business. I love you so much. What you're my hero. I'm just saying like you don't I don't work for you. Yeah I work for the people that plus press play on the Netflix special in the people to buy tickets. Those are my boss. You're not my boss if you don't like that you're not buying tickets if you bought tickets and have a problem with the show. I will respond to you in the comments. I will give you a refund. I will listen to you like I actually take a lot of feedback from instagram comment. See I'm the opposite a lot of people like don't read your comments just folk and folk that will but you're gonNA listen to Comedians. So you're GONNA nor the people that follow you could buy tickets but you're gonNA listen to the people that don't buy tickets. Oh that's so. It's I listened to the comments. The people the Philistines that we all say. What the fuck do they know? They must something because they're the ones that ticketmaster I mean. They're the fills the seeds so we have to listen to them. Wow let's I'm a comedian. But a ticket to a comedy show. That's a very good point so I'm not saying. Like what do you know about comedy? Well they're the ones that consume it. Yeah I don't know what you're telling you. Yeah so I I just. I don't know how else to think. Yeah so when someone is like Oh the fucking joke look kind of offensive or whatever alcoholic that interesting and if a comedian's like that was hilarious. I'm like doesn't matter. Take it in. Water off the duck's back. Maybe I don't know I wonder why I feel that way though. Do you think you felt differently. We were young. All I cared about when I was younger was the approval of Comedians. All I care about. I care about the respective comedians notice. That's all that is really important to me. Yeah that's what I mean because I want the pride but I also know myself. I know how I respond to other people that are doing well that I'm jealous. I like it's just not a pure form of feedback There's nothing comedian can say to you. That's unbiased You know what I'm saying. Yeah couple more things I know. I have to let you go at some point. I really don't want to because I have so much to do. You have to go. I have a phone call tomorrow. Yeah I am slammed. I've motion prepare myself for sleep. Nightmares have been guys. I have to nap scheduled tomorrow. I was just GonNa ask you because you're so you guys talk a lot about self help. What's the best advice you feel like? You've heard recently do any good bangers I always like to sort of bring this up and I also want to ask you about your relationship with money since I feel like. You've probably making money anything you've learned that you. WanNa share so with the podcast. It's hard because I was so busy. The last three months and on the road so much I actually have not been on that many episodes recently so now in quarantine or on this remote podcast like well. Taylor's bat like I had just been like you guys. I know I'm not pulling my weight. By the way you're the girl that disappears when she dates a guy. Yeah and they break up and she's like what are we doing? What are you up instead of a guy that was my career and Which is also gone and we. I just can't be on every episode. I had missed a lot of them. And Yeah I couldn't even tell you the last the best advice is keep doing your podcast. Oh my God. I stay connected. Stay connected stay in podcasts. Are All we have now. Become a live touring I mean we. Obviously we read like the artist's way Which is you know the I read War of Art Garden. I read intuitive eating in college. We didn't episode on that in Calcium Delaney. Kind of. I don't know if they read it. Or they read like spark notes on it but they were like we do not. This is not work for us. I had a lot of food issues growing up but I would like binging stuff. Yeah Yeah and so in college and you work out no. I went to bench in like high school and I would not eat all day. Come home and bitch so And then I got to college and then I started losing weight and then it was like all I thought about was what I was eating and I got like. I was on thirty for like four months. And like you know where you're just thinking about every single thing And then I read intuitive eating. I think it was after college and I could see how it would work for some people it did for basic. It's just listened to your body and think about how this food is. GonNa make you feel you need it as opposed to your bad if you eat this and you know you're good if you eat that like putting all those. Yeah you know judgments on each thing So it's it's like very simple. It seems very simple when you read it. It's just like are you going to feel bad the fact that we have a read a book teach ourselves when to eat when you're hungry like like? I love the idea of people starving in Africa like way. There's some book where people have not think it's bad to eat. Just the worst white girl ever No I mean I yeah. I did all that stuff. I did the eating naked in front of the mirror thing for a while. Oh my God that's the whole thing is doing. I think there's something to not the eating. I've never eaten naked in front of a mirror. I would maybe never but I have. I have sleep naked. I have. I'm too scared some Shit's GonNa go down in the middle of the night. You know what I thought about. I think about your body so much. Thank you so much to me. Only shirtless your know your guy. Sam Your boyfriend posted like photos of you sleeping and it was so funny and I am fascinated by what people wear when they sleep a- and I noticed you were wearing like a full suit in every was I know he's Joe t shirt. I swear I was wearing Lincoln sweatshirt in one and that's just because I fell asleep on the couch. I just like any hall when I go to bed. I put on a full Tuxedo. Cumberbatch run vast sneakers. Watch with a monocle. I am ready to go at any time. Get up and leave. I don't sleep like that. I do sleep in sweat. Pants and a T. shirt. And what do you think you're just like WANNA be ready? I WANNA I WANNA be ready. I like sleeping naked when it's happened but I just the idea it has to happen. I can't plan get Rufiji. How do we know fall asleep? Naked have sex and then you fall asleep. You've never fallen asleep after winning worried about. You really don't one time. What is this a movie? He never I never had sex by you. Get only have to evacuate the premises. I'm GonNa Brush Your Teeth GotTa pee after. Go cry a lot that has to happen. I've never fallen asleep after sex in my life really. Yes never gotten up gone to P. We have to argue about it. We have to fight. We have to. What was that new move comes from that like there's a? There's a fighting that has to have like I've never talking that has to have you ever slept naked. I don't think I have ever slept naked. I mean it is nice. I do get up when I'm in bad relationships Or have been in bad relationships where I was constantly listening for approval of the other person and worried. They were GonNa abandoned me at any moment. I would want like let them fall asleep. When I was naked and then I would secretly get up and put clothes on and then sleep and then wake up before they woke up and take my clothes off to pretend that I had slept naked like I'm cool. Girl Messy saddest thing I've ever heard in my life. I agree that sentence that center. If you haven't seen gone girl you just heard it that. That sentence was the plot of gone girl. Insane originally just like you would wake up and be like you put on a shirt. I used to wake up like set my alarm to wake up and then go put makeup on and then go get back in bed and like that that I've heard of I've never heard of anyone full lashes. I've never heard of anyone pretending to sleep. Naked how wake up four. Am TO CONTOUR and pretend this is just what I look like. You know that I've heard of the this is pretending to sleep. Negative thing is another level or at all that I didn't know about it. Oh Yeah it's Nice I mean leaping. Here's the thing I've I've accepted that I may not ever have children given the ending. I just don't know if I can cause anxiety so bad now with everything falling to say I'm very fascinated by. I know a lot of people that are in their twenties. That are kind of like. Is it ethically sound to kids? What if there's no water like you know it's kind of an interesting thing? I talked to a lot of people your age. That think that way. Yeah that's kind of it'll change when you're thirty one and the the body starts to take over and possessed you. Oh when I was engaged. I was following a baby's Hashtag on instagram and fully crying watching clips of babies that I didn't know these were strangers these babies and I was now on Baggins Law. I was weeping openly. I know it's in their birth mortgage and I was like kids for a long time. When you think you've found your person you're like me more. We should make our duplicate. Yeah but when you are not with your person interesting you Kinda go you on birth control. I am birth control one. Low Low Estrin been there been there. Did you like you skip the placebos or no? No can you give. That's the one that you just honey? What yes the sugar pills I used to when I was well I would skip them just so that you wouldn't have your period. Oh I take the sugar pills and I still don't get a period. Oh okay that's that's interesting because I've talked about this before in the past when you're on birth control you're attracted to a different type of person because your body thinks you're pregnant right so you smell. Fairmont's differently and why do I keep dating comedians? That science low bar just switch birth control those standards. Yeah we did. We did a couple of episodes on birth control and Post Birth Control Syndrome. I because Calcium Delaney both Were like we have to get off birth control. And you're supposed to go off birth control as soon as you basically get engaged before you get married to make sure your soul attracted to the person when you're off of it because your tracks to a different type of person when you're pregnant then you're not pregnant. We did not even hear about that. Yeah gotTa have me on Your Pod? Oh my God Auntie Whitney on Pod we seriously do there was on low Estrin and married the wrong man for her when you're pregnant. Are you attracted to people who seem stable? You're the kind of person that could help you. Essentially raise your child and protect your child. I don't really believe in Alpha Beta thing. There's there's really no such thing. That's confusing concept If you get granular about it but let's just use those. What you're saying. I might be like my body might be like I'm pregnant and this guy is home a lot. Call Rack so that's good. You're going to be attracted to someone. Who's unemployed? Yeah when you're on birth control but when you're off birth control you're going to essentially be more turned out by men that take risks that are more Alpha that would be essentially the kind of genetics. You want to so when you have. We are not on birth control. You are less responsible in your dating choices. When I was non birth control I was mostly dating. Is that had tattoos and cheated. Oh yes you're the essentially Alpha risk-taking DNA tall big hands deep voice. That whole deal okay. Well this isn't fair because I have only dated on birth control and so I was alpha up. I was cheated on by a Beta. And that's not fair. That is not cool. That's a lot. Sorry he's very friendly the Mike. What's your next podcast topic? Sorry we recorded one With me and Sam where that goes. We talked about We talked about sorry. I can't frank come here get off of her please. I'm so sorry much Frank Frank. You're so heavy break. Come your Bubba Eupol. Sorry you're sorry You WanNa come pop out my ud. Thank you buddy boy. Hey but Okay he is going for it. Yeah and what was your question? No I was just curious if the next podcast it's coming out is I just like to. I like to talk to people in their twenties and pass on advice. They don't need. Oh my gosh like my obligation as you feel as you get older you start to feel his obligation to pass on things like as an elder. I have your phone number now and if you think that I'm not going to be using it that's true. I mean Yeah. You're kidding yourself. Become like the mom like a comedy. Mom People like text me all the time today. Got a text from community was like Hey Do you know a lawyer who could help my friend. Who's like landlord isn't letting her have a service dog? I was like I love that. I'm the person for this people like. Hey can you mixed tylenol with an me and I'm like I don't I'm pharmacist? I don't know I I get so many weird questions from people I know. I can't believe people are asking you about making taking ambien whether or not they should. God don't do it do sleep. Well no not at all. I take You could be like that person that falls asleep as soon as you get on a plane. No that's my face being around again really a lot. People make a lot of assumptions based on my round face You drink a Lotta Malcolm eyeglasses. Lactose intolerant well rested. Oh my God thank you. I'm not my cheeks or just fat. I just looked like a toddler not our money. Someone would pay for that face. I know people say that But I haven't seen any later. I'm sure it's like when you were a kid and you're like what did I have boobs yet. Fifteen and then you get older and we wish we looked as young as you get some pretty perky. I sleep very terribly. I was sleeping so badly up until like a year and a half ago I was fully having night terrors. I was on the road. You have a lot of anxiety Uh-huh yeah pay something for it now. I do yeah when I when I drove off my engagement. I got on A I tried to get on antidepressants and none of them worked. Having side effects that were like not bearable and then I got on a dry cough. I think it's technically a mood stabilizer. Yeah I'm on I'm on the MIC. Dol Nah Yeah. Yeah so I take that at night and works great okay and then I was taking Gabba Penton as needed for anxiety but it makes me feel fuzzy and they told me to take like a ton and once I was taking a lot. It was like Maybe my chest hurt in a weird way that wasn't anxiety okay And then I stopped taking that and then I take on a as needed which I was very nervous about because I'm like as his wife never drank or anything because I'm afraid I'll be addicted to things but I've actually been very good with the carpet and I hardly ever taken addicts. Aren't afraid to be addicted. Oh okay that's good news for you okay. Only God I'm still afraid of this really. Oh I'm going to go home and get drunk addicts. Don't yeah think that way. You're saying yeah. Okay that's you might be addicted to control the or the internal medicine cabinet of adrenaline. Cortisol might be that. I love having the content in there But I only use it when I like when I. It's almost like a placebo for you. Just having it is why you don't need it and when I first started taking it I was taking it like three times a week or whatever. Yeah and maybe four use but I was still trying to monitor it. But that was like when I was on the road. I was going through a horrendous break-up like happening I was getting onto a mood stabiliser. don't need as much and then. I was thinking Betablockers Later blockers Betablockers for people. That don't want to take a Benzodiazepine is What should be like competent Zanex? Well I mean yeah I guess It's Annex Okay Not Purkis at the other like Zana. What's the other one? The standards are so great though. You can't function. I mean you you know you turn into The grandfather from Charleena chocolate. I like it too much. Which is why I hate it but but we want to pin you. Can you write and Betablockers basically just stop Adrenalin. That's all they do so it doesn't make tired or does it make you sleepy. It doesn't make you less energetic. It essentially just takes away your ability to produce Adrenalin which I think is is like you can take it before you go onstage right. You're not going to be was telling me about it okay. You'RE NOT GONNA be less sharp if you have to like go in for a big meeting. And you're sweating like me you can go and you're just not gonNA get nervous. It's worth it's worth experimenting with because yeah do it before a show you can do it before. That's good something where you have to be sharp. Yeah that's helpful and also I have the momentum person with me at all times and again just knowing I have them is part of why they work. Yeah knowing you have a trap door panicking yeah and then I got prescribed Sarah Quill no sleep at night. Apparently it's an antipsychotic And I take a very small dose of the half a pill and it's I cried for insomnia sometimes it's prescribed for other things as well. I heard Maria Bamford talking about it in an interview. Oh interesting schizophrenia. Bipolar order disorder and depression right but it was also side. Effect is being Yeah so my psychiatrist was like you can take half one of these pills Granted it makes me feel it knocks me out so hard but it makes me Feel kind of low in the morning. Not Energetic Yeah and like a little. That could just sad news. I know hard like right now apple like they're like I'm just sad I'm like that's kind of the fewer affecting my sex drive and I already feel like the mood. Stabler kind of affected our sex drive supposed to be. I don't know that's the thing. It was just different than before the joke I was doing about it on stage before our careers got cancelled. Was I people always warn me before? I got an antidepressant that my sex drive would go down and I do feel that way now that I'm on medication but I can't tell if my sex drive is lower or if my self worth is higher I get. My sex drive is lower. If I've gotten hotter that's no I just can't I can't tell if I don't need the validation because like depressionol bring you to your knees and you're like well. I'm down here as we'll make someone feel good next. I've lowered my standards for WHO? I have sex exactly exactly. It's a tricky one. Yeah 'cause I basically never want to have sex with anyone but I think it's because I bought a house and I don't want people in it. Yeah it's sort of like I think my sex. I've got lower because I don't have to tell somebody to take their shoes off and I'm not as worried anymore being a mood stabilizer that someone's going to leave or betray me. Yeah and that if they did I would never recover. So I don't feel like I need to give as many blowjobs like I I cannot believe how many blowjobs I was giving. Yeah people I was in relationships with now like no. My friends were like you do it. How much he has to say so weird. I never talk about that stuff on my girlfriend's really is that do you guys talk about that stuff. Yeah that's so weird really. I my girlfriends we never talk about like sex stuff. You never do sex in the city. Do not sit and have cosmo's and be like so. How many are you giving week lady? Slot? I've made come comes out like if you go for a long road trip or something and you start to get bored and go through everyone's playlist and then you go. What's everyone into your fucking to Sheryl Crowe List I? You gave an example before so I knew the tone. Oh Buddha Bar Huda Con. Nine people are going to get that reference. Nine people in Miami got that I. I think it's because a lot of my girlfriends now are married and I don't want it to turn sad you don't you don't do it once. You love somebody in the in the beginning. Yeah with people. You're deigning like yeah. Yeah Yeah and then once you were like this is my partner. I Trust Trust them. Then you stop telling your girlfriend's details I know you can't gossip about because that's like a respect but like the first month or that you're dating you're like are the STD's he has all these like. This is what I'm basing my decision making on. What did I finish like? You're you're going over all those things in your twenties S. Yeah what I. Here's the thing I haven't been about this my special. I grew up very religious so when I finally did sir having sex of any kind it was like this better be good because I'm going to hell now. Yeah so I was like it had to shake heaven and earth. Oh I do not. I never understood my girlfriend's being like oh I've never like I've never I was like hell and you've never finish like this is insane like no. I come every time when I the first time I dated somebody who did not make me seemed fine with it. I was like your associate path loud. I couldn't believe it was so unattractive to me. That's impress haven't slept with that many people that's new money. That's new fame that's it. That's that's I mean. You should not have imposter syndrome at all. Been an impostor at all. My entire twenty s was pretending. I had orgasms real. I never pretended I had an orgasm. What's never gets. Maybe that's why don't get more acting. Why all these bitches earned landing these sitcoms. How is that possible? I mean it. I didn't even. I didn't even know because you're trying to when you're like religious and you're trying not to have say and then they're like trying to get in any way they see it makes like. Did you grow up in the kind of religious environment where it was like? You're allowed to have sex in the but no no no. It wasn't allowed either. No no I. I grew up in Youth groups were they were like is oral sex also sex and they were like. Is Chinese food food yet. The media like that's the stuff they would say and you'd be like okay. Bats are off the table. So maybe that's more complicated than they. I went to youth camps or whatever where they were like you should not be kissing for longer than thirty seconds. You should never have your tongue involved at all and your body should not be touching like it was perfect for the pandemic yet. Oh maybe they were right. Absence is on or onto something. Yeah maybe we wouldn't be in this fucking mess. Yeah yeah so I I mean I was trying really hard to stay pure and then as soon as I was. I mean I cannot imagine continuing to be intimate with somebody feeling is guilty as I did without orgasm. Like there's just doesn't make sense to me. Yeah did you go to school uniforms? No I was. I was Christian Graham. Okay so I still don't know the difference between Catholic and Christian. How sad is that I because I went to both. I went to a Catholic school like very Catholic school and then like a Piscopo school which I think is just. Everyone's fine as long as you believe in God. You're fine right and then Christian I don't know the difference either. Somebody asked me that an interview the other day. Like what's the difference between this and this and methodist and I was like I don't know man. I know that in my house. The buydell is a task. Any Dick's Yo. Don't even touch it. That's that's sex. If you touch one like there was no room for. This isn't technically like you know the minute I was sexually active in any way. Yeah I was like well. It's it's done and I still waited awhile to have sex because I was like well. There's one thing I'm saving. Where new stand with God? Now I don't know I hope there's one now. Oh My god I tell you something. It's an I'm look I do the higher power thing like I'm fine with saying God. It doesn't upset me. It doesn't I think you can still believe in science and like I'm not as anti-god as most people are not anti religion either because I think to be anti religion is very closest quite frankly For a lot of people. That's a way to socialize. It's a way to hang out. It's a way to get childcare like way to keep you know. I'm pro scientology. Keep them in a building. He put them all in one building. So we all know where they are. I'm fine with that. We'll be friends. Yeah like you all get it. Otherwise the cult's going to be all around us. I'm fine with them. Keep them in a building Maroon them. They've been quarantined for years But I I. It's interesting how when something I don't pray really much but when something bad happens I am talking to God like when one of my dogs got sick It always starts with. I know it's been why right. Are you still there all of a sudden? I think he's like a man with a microphone and headphones. I and I apologize for how long it's been. Yeah because in my head. God-like KEEPS LIKE LEDGER. And he's been waiting for you and all he needs an AFP. This all accepting God needs to open with an apology right and it's always like I'm sorry it's been so long right. Think it'd be crazy. I like the idea of God with his feet up on a desk eating a sandwich and reading a paper and then he here's your voice comes on and you're like he's like Oh shit. Oh Yeah Whitney what's up? I'm sorry I didn't think you're you're GonNa do this again. I wrote you off a while ago. Removal also I loved it in my hands. He can hear me but didn't know I was busy right like just like I've been really busy. Things have been crazy slam. You know me you know me you know I am. You made me like you. All people know this like I sort of like Cherry pick. Yeah what did he knows and doesn't know and then I and then I started bartering. I'm like you can have my car. You can take my house like as if he wants me to hit his van. Mo- yeah so that my dog stays alive and I start telling God all the things I'll give him to not let my dog die. Yup Yeah I've started doing that too where I might. I will say More commonly I will. I will pray for what I want. And then when it doesn't look like I'm GonNa get I go. I go okay okay. All right all right this is this is this is okay okay all right okay. Yeah meet you halfway. I see where this is going on an idiot fair. Let me get ahead of this so okay. So it's it's not going to fire me. I couldn't so he's so he's not he's not going to love me. The way deserve You're trying to make me stronger. I see what you're doing you're doing I see what you're doing. I would just ask that you speed it up so this this lasts less time this suffer or giving me a new closer this past. I see what's going on. Okay thank you thank you. Thank you God but if you could just refund my money it's just so weird. I how many times I have prayed either in the last year. I said if there is something better the you are trying to the whole the rejection is Jackson form. I go if that's what's going on here. Yeah could we speed that thing? I'm with you. I'm all in? I just needed to have faster. Yeah that's all. I just can't be here that long I'm surrendering to God's will as long as it's on my turn. Yes forty years from dozen can't do it. Maybe eight maybe eight years not attention span. I'm a lenny younger we watched. Mtv cribs like our attention span is just quick. I can't take this. I'm dying. Yeah I decided I'M GONNA die at thirty four so I know that you make those decisions but this one I feel like is up to me. Look it's all in your hands and you know what's best and everything to your plan. Pitch I just I just have a pitch but if I could just what seem what I think what seems like a good idea to me. Yeah is it. I know you have the best ideas. You also made me there. Four probably have some good ideas too. Because I'm in your image so let me pitch something back to you. It makes more sense. It just doesn't coming your abusive boss. Total. Who's GonNa give you a job at the newspaper when your internship is over? I have to let you go some point. I was going to ask you to hyper color. Shirt as hypo color hyper color. Is that the one. That's all scrunchy and it gets really small off the shoulder and terrible looks like it was made of a thousand nipples made out of a used tissue. It was so bad tiny shirt. That will look like we're going to doll. And then you put it on charges out. Yeah it looks like you bought a piece of paper and through it. Yeah this is a shirt that was in the nineties. That was if you sweat through it it would change colors you it was carson. Everyone that you know that has cancer got it from those jokes. I I found out my mom died Taco bell or something but closure from this. How would you describe your style? I mean when stylist isn't My Best Best I can. I can say I think Put together what unassuming. Yeah yeah afraid to look too. I like simple and hopefully we feel like you need to cover yourself. Yes I'm always. I've always thought that about you that I'm always covering because I used to do that. A lot too and I still do. I still do but it. Maybe just because what I see I feel like you. It's not like armor but it's like this is okay. Yeah agree no I like it is and I see it because I like that too. But it's like I'll see you and your like your leather jacket and like that's your comfort zone like it's like a little bit of a second skin. Yeah if I were a Hoodie on sage. I'm like ooh look at me. I I will not show my arms onstage. Help never can't do ever done. It can't do it wouldn't would you would you? What world thank you so much. Better bizarre I know I could never do it but I also just like the consistency of the same thing. I know I'm I'm no I tried to wear quarries onstage. Recently that were like cutting bell-bottom and cute split them really bent over split him. I was like this is why I wear the same thing on stage every single. I know it's not gonNA rip. I know how I'm going to be able to move. I know what I can do with my hands. Why mix it up yeah? There's something to that we agree. It's who you know that episode of the office where Jim is putting quarters in Dwight's phone so that it'll just build up the weight and it will take them all out and then it'll hit him in the face. That's why I feel if I like just stopped wearing a jacket on the day that I would gesture to freely and just like boomerang back and hit myself in the face. 'cause I'm like I'm not used to no weight on my arms. When's your birthday November four? I don't know anything about that show. I'm Scorpio now we're just hanging out what are you. Do you know what you are timber forth. Do you know what that is Virgo? Okay which ones I think. That's good people look virgo is like calling someone con to this point. Lazy Kind Scorpio Really. Yeah everyone's like people arpaio. Basically it's like saying you're vindictive asshole how is that? What's Yeah Scorpios are supposed to be like very like into vengeance and sexual manipulation? Okay which I'm like. Yes look Christian vixen and I definitely am. Petty is definitely hate you I. It's just funny because like whatever somebody wants to accuse me of being like too much of a virgo and then like why and they start listening and they're like because you're always busy and you're never rounding never available. Just want to hang out with you know. I make time this is not. I mean I think virgos and Scorpios are pretty compatible though. I think we're similarly intense. Yes I only know that because somebody asked Salmon I on I g live and he's Virgo. Oh wants his birthday. I think it's August. It's lay dog. I don't want to say the wrong one best. Yeah very anal retentive. I guess well it's because it's also I mean I have a whole theory about this about it's not about the month you're born. It's about essentially the other holidays that existed in the same month. You were born and what other things you had to compete with. Oh Sam and myself your boyfriend and I. We both had our birthday basically around the first day of school. Oh that we had to be academic on our birthdays like my birthday was September fourth. I was in my first day of school when it was my birthday. I was working on my birthday. That's set the stage for the type of person I was GonNa be simple like and then. Leo's that are August late July August during the summer. They got to have their birthday party on vacation. They're outgoing you know. They got to have birthday parties and be the center of attention so they got used to it. You know. I was competing with Halloween and Thanksgiving didn't have a chance. Didn't have you had to become funny. You had to become intense. Yeah it had to be indicative of manipulative in order to get someone to pay attention to you. Oh my God you're right and then January January capricorn is like they're also very academic very serious work really hard. They had birthdays. Minoan had any money left after Christmas and new years and no one had time to celebrate their birthdays in January. That's when we're back to work. You need to write another book. Vary the moon in the stores. According to win I feel like that's why like in your most impressionable time what you had to compete with on your birthday is what forms your psyche. How have you not written a book called Whitney come into my office? I mean that to me is my favorite advice. I've heard in a while. Just pretend to believe in yourself because it's also like that's my thing about any people that have low self esteem especially actors and Comedians of like. I'm so scared like pretend you're not. Nobody thinks you are act like you're not. Yeah and then let your also pretending you're faithful to your wife and were buying it. It's true pretend you believe in yourself. I'm and let the people who fall in love with you slowly. Find out the you or a crippled mess of anxiety. You're pretending you can afford that car. Why can't you pretend to like yourself for five minutes? Oh my God. That's so true. Such a bummer. How many male comedians cheat on their partners? I mean look. It's such a bummer. To me it seems like it's waning a little bit. I mean when I started it was yeah I mean it was flagrant when I started standup. We'll now anyone you sleep with on the road could reach out to be a correspondent on entertainment tonight. Absolutely you'll get a book deal and they can find your wife social media that's right and met like yeah you're GonNa get caught it's it is. It does a little bit feel like those days. The JIG is kind of on cheating general. Yeah oh I don't know I mean it. It is insane to me that people still cheat because Mike you will get caught. There's exhaustion it's it's on so exhausting. Yeah but I also I also understand why Particularly male comics cheat or any male performer. Yeah because they're not worried about safety. Yeah on the road and they're getting so much thrown at them. Yeah because yeah if it's that easy to come by as it's so easy to cheat now easier than ever but it's easier to get caught exactly but let me ask you a question because I always think about guys that cheat or people I know and I'm always like the life must no. I'm not yet I'm always like so. I mean you were cheating on I mentioned. Did you know yeah I did? And then he lied to me about it for years gasoline. You did you lie to yourself. No I think I knew that you knew in your heart of hearts. Yeah I just knew. My Gut won't need lie about other stuff. He'd lie about like small away. Do any things the way you do everything no one lies about. I'm five minutes away when they're twenty minutes away and doesn't lie about other. Shit. Yeah exactly. That's exactly what it was. And we were on and off for like years me and that guy and He he just told me that I I was like that. He would never and he didn't. And all this stuff and like it got to a point where I felt so crazy and so bad. I spent like years apologizing to him. I mean I have jokes. I've jokes in my special saying that guy never cheated on me. I just thought he jokes about being crazy in my special that just came out I APP- guy reached out to me the week before I find my special to bury the hatchet and let me apologize over and over and there were things they did that. We're not cooled where I would break up and get back together. But that's I mean not. You don't put a lot of it was like I don't trust you and your you keep lying to me about stuff and I know some going and like whatever it's there's other things involved too and I'm not like people crazy people make you feel like you're crazy right. Yeah and Nike has his own stuff and it's fine but he you know what what made me. Sanger's that he reached out before my special and I even told them I was like. I'm really sorry. I I do jokes about you in this special and I say like you've never cheated on me and all this stuff and he's like it's totally fine one hundred the bridge whatever like a month or two afterward finally admitted to cheating on me and I was like what like are. You have broken up. No a huge weekend. I had been broken up for a long time when okay. Yeah it wasn't it wasn't my fiance. It was a different guy only dated on and off for like the first four years of my twenty. Yeah Yeah so this is what you're twenty four this stuff but that guy is kind of why I mean not totally but like a little bit of why I got engage because after that guy the last guy I went out with my ex fiance like days after it was like I was like I am the next person I'm like I'm getting over this guy and then whoever date next is just I'm not putting opening should anymore and it's going to be the guy and I think I just kind of like ignored some red flag worse and you know maybe just was like this is going to be the thing and And I thought these are the things I need. And it's the opposite of dating a comedian and Blah Blah Blah and and also win. Those red flags went off in my head. I didn't trust my own gut. Oh Gosh been there. Yeah so like I and I still felt that way after I broke up with my fiance. Which is when my other ex admitted to cheating on me years ago. It made me go. Oh my God I was right to call for my wedding because I've been here before but I had been in. That like post called off engagement state going. Am I just insane crazy because I felt this way with that last guy and I think I might just be imagining with people now because they keep insisting they're not doing anything even though they're lying to me and I can see that they're not but is it just me and I also think that people like us like Comedians who have a relentless loyalty to the truth at all costs like we're not afraid of the ugly truth like we? That's you know we love it. Yeah I think it's so funny because I I grew up around the pathological lying like been in that a lot of those relationships when some it never occurs to me that someone's lying greatly. I it seriously like I don't know why anyone would like it to me like such a waste of time and energy. Sorry I agree but I think everyone's lying and also I have lied. I've done my fair share of lying. I hate the way I feel when I do. It's such an intolerable feeling of shame and it's exhausting. Which just you know would any sensitive person would feel after lying. Anyone who's not associate about that. I just like I can't imagine someone would wanna carry around a secret. Can I carry around a secrets a fulltime job? So I assume everyone's telling the truth all the time as I'm like why wouldn't it just seems it's so nineties? I assume that everyone is lying all the time and and it almost takes somebody admitting something horrible to me for me to go there. Oh they must be telling the truth that yeah but I always I always say that we ought however if you mess up just tell me because you get more points with me yes. I'll go while those really hard that you admitted it tells us that it gets and then it gets tricky. Because someone's like. Hey I cheated on you and you're like thanks for telling me it's like I know you it'll be bad but we can work through that we're a little bit in a time. Where if you do something about an apologize. It's almost you get more points if you've never done it in the first place. Yeah like that's the new thing is like but wait. You think you can get over cheating. You can work through gene I think that if somebody would depend on the obviously there sorry hang up so I think there are certain I think there are certain circumstances like if you sleep with my best friend. No but if you like if we've been together for sorry we've been casting for three hours. My dog is break. Come here come in. My dog is obsessive. Taylor you guys that I cannot get him off of her. I'm so sorry. Get over being. She didn't think he said you never never never when he does. When people's gut feel stressed out or have any kind of anxiety or he starts to. You noted I'm sure get on them is nice Here's a I think if I'd been with someone for a long time and they messed up and they came to me immediately and we're like this is what happened and they felt really bad then. I could maybe work through it because I would. It would prove. Let me save you some time. No I wouldn't Auntie Whitney coming in hot luck. Maybe you're a better person than me. Or maybe you're the generation I mean. I know people in their twenties that are fully in open relationships right. I I would never. I'm like that's new. That's a new thing. Frank come here Sarmellek so bad buddy I love you. I don't know what that is. I know people your age. Say the same thing. You're saying to me right now cannot fathom it. Maybe it's an age thing. I am so black and white about that shit because I I believe that in order to cheat it takes time to cheat. It's non you don't just go to a bar see someone in your Dick Falls in like it's it's there's texting there's flooding near I. You know what I mean like. We all know what it's how long it takes to sleep with someone or to have someone sleep with us. There's an there's no such thing as a one night slip because it always takes some kind of build up in an investment of time and energy and you had a lot of times change your mind. Yes we've got like a hooker which is a whole other thing and that's probably an Adrenalin addiction or something you know. That's more okay. Move this is going to be a polarizing take. Get out three hours in. Because if if if if you're going to be in relationship with someone who's a sex addict and that's a legitimate real addiction and urine relationships sex. I mean I know people that are in relationships sex addicts that. It's like that's cheating of course but that's almost like slipping on drugs call not easier. It's much easier to have someone slip on drugs now call but that is usually not like a choice and neurological and genetic thing so it's slightly different than someone that doesn't have an addictive personality choosing to go cheat on you and spending a lot of time and energy in it. I understand bad still bad. Here's what I say if there's money involved here's the thing. I someone who's been in that situation. Yeah I WAS NOT I. I can wrap my head around why someone did something once someone tells me. I'm like like that guy. Admitting it to me here so I decided admitting it I was I was angry about being lied to for years. That was the cover-ups worse than the crime. The fact yeah the fact that I could I could wrap my head around why he did what he did. I was like totally. I know you really well. I know why that happened. I know the circumstances but I just don't Helen together me and I go. Oh like on the time he misstep. I don't even know it was just. Here's what I'll say you're what twenty three at the time was his cheating on a tweet. That looks like you is a mentally ill person. That's an ill with their also young. Had you turned hot yet. Your turn out now okay. I was just cute. I just mean like that is to me. That's an ego thing. Not someone who just doesn't have self control because to me cheating. Forget the sexual part and having to imagine how horrific that is also just like like. You're not in control of yourself and that's not sexy them. Self Control and restraint is hot to me. Yeah I think people but I think everyone cheats on. I think everyone cheats on hot people. You're at say everyone cheats on everyone. No no no I think I think people cheat of not because they're like I want to have sex with that. I mean they cheat because they feel it's an new matter but I mean like they're bored or they feel inferior in their relationship more. They're mentally. Ill gotten bored of I mean. How long were you together? I mean it was. We hadn't been together that long and we were young yeah. I don't know we were together so many times that I don't know how many times it happened. So at that point. You've lied to me for so many years. I'm like you could be downplaying how much you cheated on and you can be lying to yourself you might not even. I mean I've I've been with someone that cheated and I'm like I am when he lied to me about like. I think you believe what you're saying. Absolutely that's the craziest part of this is is. You don't know you're lying. Yeah I think the indiscretions that you can even conjure up right now. Like are half of the story. Yes or they tell themselves that they're protecting you by not they go. What what good would it do? Tell me to tell you that would just cause you pain. It would ruin our relationship like homing you ruin it. Yeah no Scott. You've made that decision and those people don't realize I'm GONNA. I was doing a joke about that. In my new. Our to when I was touring. I was like if you did something. Just tell me because I'm GonNa know you did something we'll and I'm going to create something in my head. That will be so much worse. Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah. It's interesting because to me is soon as I am like. Let me see your phone. It's over you know as soon as I'm feeling any of that soon. As any of these conversations are happening. I'm like it's over. Yeah questioning any of it in my whole thing cheating is like if you want to cheat. Don't blame you'll just tell me and let's break up And let's make it a break up where you dated someone else. Yeah yes sort of like. Let's make cheating not cheating if you find yourself being attracted to someone else and you just tell me. I'm only on the way over. I'm a big girl. I can handle it. Yup. I don't blame someone but just tell me and then we can maybe get back together if it works out later. We'll go date other people for a while and if it's going to be it's meant to be because here's the thing them telling you either that. I'm attracted to somebody else. I'm GonNa go see where this goes. Probably were all attracted to somebody else right. Everyone's attracted to someone. Yeah the game isn't. Are you attracted to someone else? That's how do we go through life resisting fucking everyone yes. That's where we're both signing up to do. We're the best. No I'm giving up people to yes. You're not the only person giving stuff up. Yep We're both. Were both passing on a lot of people in choosing each other every day and by the way not just having sex with other people having. Fritsch full lie with other human beings. It's not like oh I don't get you fuck anymore. Yeah I could have been in investors way. I'm missing out on fulfilment yeah. I met had on traveling. Those are different live beautiful countries. Yes I'm giving you my life. Yup Yup and maybe not better but just different. There are lots of people. I could have been happy with. Yeah so you have to make sure you really like hanging out with that person so for me. The cheating thing is like if you tell me that you cheated on me. I take that as you respect me enough to be honest with me. What I can't forgive. Is You thought I was stupid? You aren't trying to like keep safe for protect our relationship or like I was just so afraid to lose you know. You're afraid that you are afraid that you I was going to be mad at you and you're GONNA have to deal with consequences of your actions so I think that's the difference to me is like either way. You did a terrible thing. In one situation you take responsibility for it and you show me respect by saying. I'm going to tell you WANNA be up front with you and then another situation I let me Dow. Here's where I would. I would say if someone is. I'm happy to be wrong here. If like the mentality of like you're respecting me by telling me you don't respect me if we're in the situation at all. Oh interesting you. If you respect me we wouldn't be having this conversation but I think sometimes people cheat because they don't feel good enough for their partner then. You're not good enough then. You're not as you're not yeah. We're not good enough for me. I I agree. Yeah we agree on. You just proved it. Yeah Yeah you're not good enough and that's okay. I took me a long time to stop confusing. Love and pity Like I don't if I pity you. That's not the same thing feeling. Sorry for you get out of there. Yeah this like Oh your feelings of inferiority like okay. I want someone who is wildly better than me. Yes I do not want. Someone is worse right any like. Oh I'm Outta. It's no that's incest. I'm your mom but yeah I do think it's like I'm so zero tolerance about that. I mean I had to let it get so bad. You know I mean the stuff I've seen in phones folks who brutal. I've never gone through anybody's found at the most I've ever done is go. Show me your tax with this person of me go through. Your phone. Didn't go gray Jr. He kept he's healed emojis. Not just like making plans with somebody. He said he didn't make plans with. I'm and you're like it's over like yeah. Say like even if you didn't cheat on me you lied about it. And so you're going to over like what are you. And it's it's taking me okay. My Dogs farting is getting out of control No I I do think look baby. This is the wrong advice and people are in quarantine and they can't leave is soon as you're saying where have you been? What was that like? It's over right. You can come back from it. Yeah Yeah I just don't think you can. Yeah I agree you know. Although you know being touring comedians. There's always gonNA be some days that you're like. Hey worry why didn't I hear from you for twenty minutes and it's like okay? We're both in you know shitty cities. You're being a little weird. Yeah like sometimes it is. Just you're a little weird isn't he? When what way like? I'm so I've only met your boyfriend wants. I was so endeared by him weird that he so nice. I agree with that. He's just like he's very nice. He's very engaged. Like I was weird like I I I. I thought he didn't like me and then I was like high. We've never met before. And then he was like so nice so nice so nice. It's kind of. Does that ever make you insecure about? All I've ever wanted was the guy who's Nice. And then you date someone who's nice and it's like. Why are you this nice to everyone? They probably think flirting. Oh I don't feel that way I do this with. This is not a SAM thing. This is amy with everyone thing. Yeah when I started dating people anything. Nice they do. I'm like the move. This is how you do it. Just go like what did you do? Just tell me really. Flowers out of nowhere. What did you do let me your? Oh Wow you're worse than maybe you see. I don't think they did anything yet. I'm just like all right. This is how you operate does your bed. This is what you've done this everyone great to me and sometimes it is so Richard Pryor DVD. But this is what you do for every girl. You like your comedian. I thought you'd like the fucking thing though is sometimes. It is their move like sometimes. That's what they do by the way. What do we not want them to have dated anyone? It's like Oh and you've never done anything that you've done this. I'm like okay but you also have done some. You've you've done your spot. Yeah you have your Jersey. They Bring out to show. You're a cool girl. But I also think it's like and maybe this is just bird's eye view forming like older like you want a guy who's dated a lot of people not been cheated or womanized or been abusive or any that you want someone because it's other women have done some work for you You know what I mean. Consider them your teammates. I consider XS. My teammates lake. Thank you for whatever training you did. Yeah thank you now. We're passing the baton. I'm inheriting. It's like getting dog for like adopting your dog from another family. It's like you taught him out of saying you're talking about I do like thank you. There's still more work to do but I like to see X.'s. As sister hood but what if they would've they abused your dog. And you're like now I can't shut the door to freak out keeps biting me. Yeah and every time I shut the door. They think I'm leaving. That's on you. It barks at all women. Yeah I peed on my leg. I think it depends. I mean there's definitely times when you're like having sex with the guy in the beginning and you're like okay. I just learned a lot about your accent right but she's into but we're not doing that here. where it's like I just. I know everything about her. Now Start from scratch. She trained very well and was like almost two communicative about this But I do think that we don't want to be with people that have no relationship experienced such a careful balance and is of feel the same way that you did about feeling insecure. Like oh if they find anyone else attractive Then they're going to go to them and we're all attracted to other people and it's fine that's healthy. It's normal the normal to grill longtime especially the religious roots. Parents are like Mike Pence level. We don't have lunch with the opposite sex alone they are. You want people to have all these women are hot and I choose you ask what you want exactly. You want someone that's dated a lot of people so by the time they get to you. They can actually appreciate you. You know if you're the only person someone's ever been with great Like you're the like best of one right exactly. That's the fifty. Yeah Oh you could have all these women and you're choosing me or you have data all these people now. You appreciate what I bring to the table because you have something to compare me to right. Exactly that's the healthy way to look at it Right yeah therapists would say. Don't say that don't say healthy say helpful. Oh really why's that and say that's not healthy? Oh you said it's on it's on a judgment on yourself that's not healthy to say like okay helpful oh no so much so mired there's so much to talk to yourself gently. She gets really into the words we use and makes me substitute words with judgment on them in the things that sort of so slowly chip at our sole I remember one time because I think self-deprecation is something we go to allot any way. Remember time I was talking to her and I was like. I'm starting to stutter. Which means you know we have to wrap this up I've like carpal tunnel of the tongue and I was talking to her and I was like. Oh you know whatever I hate myself. I'm so stupid. I can't believe I did that. And she was like what is that. Those are like what is that thing where you call yourself stupid and you hear yourself and I was like oh no it's like I'm a comedian. Like punctuate my sense. That was a period. It's the constant refrain of my life. And I go no I just say like I hate myself because it's like it's funny and she was like not that funny shoes just like. I'm not laughing like really uncomfortable when you do it and you're like well it's worked for a lot of audience just sold out in Pensacola. So what do you know about the comedy but it was funny because it made me realize oh I think I thought it made people like me more when I degrade myself if I make myself smaller. They think I'm like full of myself and it doesn't I found with other people do. I'm just like oh no. Yeah now. Do I have to ask if you're okay? Yeah Okay what a delight your I love talking to you you are. Oh my God and fun. Are we friends now? I feel like we're we're really. You're my best friend. Never letting you leave my break. My legs like misery. There is no cell service at Whitney's house by the way for everyone listening. I the Passover about I want you to connect your No it's going to be like What was the movie? See your references misery. What's the one boxing Helena? This was a movie that famously Kim Basinger which was attached to and she pulled out at the last minute and they sued her a whole saga. I read about an Alec Baldwin's book and that was fascinating to me because I like. Sometimes you get attached projects and you're like I wonder what happened. I quit like what? Are they going to sue me like they can signing a contract? That says you have to do this job right and it was A. I can't believe I love playing the game of like. Can you believe that movie made? This was a movie about a guy that was so in love with his some woman he was a surgeon and he cut off her arms and legs and after box. Oh my God corentin viewing. Why the fuck would you tell me that? I'm just telling you someone was like. This was their dream project. They wrote the script they went out and pitched it. Like person should be put down. You know how long it takes to get a movie made like when I'm like. Why was that the thing you wanted to spend three years on? That was your vision. Boxing Helene in one thousand nine hundred mystery thriller with Horror Elements Director by Jennifer Lynch during Sherline Fan with horror elements. Illegal back that. This was just a romantic comedy. Oh this is fun worke does he? Love me Starring Sharon Fenn Julian Sands and bill. Some of these people are dead The plot follows a surgeon. Who's growing obsession with a woman? Leads him to amputate her limbs and hold her captive in his home after she suffers. A car accident. Oh gained notoriety. Before it's released after protracted legal battles with Madonna and Kim basinger both of whom backed out once they read the script debuted at Sundance Film Festival received critical praise what after receiving an NC seventeen rating yet. No Shit watching a Guy. Fucking abdomen is movie band now. Almost given an R rating on appeal releasing United States in September nineteen ninety-three but then received critical backlash and was a financial failure. I think this is what we're watching to tailor Omega. Oh I have one more question before we were. I got you don't have to. I mean I mean we. Why not my question for you is? Have you been the type of person that during this time has wanted to watch things like outbreak in contagion? No okay all right now really left me alone zero zero This is where French events I know. This sounds pretty confident. You're GONNA be like maybe if I haven't said this the entire podcast and I think someone needs to write me a check. When I was your age I finally said it. I think I would've but I have gotten it so hammered therapist doesn't let me she basically like you cannot watch that shit the way your brain works. You just can't see I haven't seen Chernobyl. I can't watch shit like that if folks me up for weeks. Chernobyl did fucked me up because it made me think about death. I always think about death though. Really low all the time every day. Yes every day. I'm thinking about death if things are going well how do you think you're going to die? I think I'm going to get sick. Do you think we all know how we're going to die. No Gun to our heads. No I don't think any of US know. Yeah Gun to your head. How are you going to die? I'm here I'm thinking on that? Here's my thing anxiety wise. I try to worry about everything so that it won't happen because I feel like what you worry about sense of control. Yeah almost never happens at least not exactly that way kind of person. And here's what I'll say. I think there's a war on worrying. There's a war on anxiety and I'm always a person saying ing. Zaidi does serve a purpose. It protects the most anxious people and the tribes are the ones that really out of line. Is that a line. And they got out of there and they survived right here. Annoying served a very important purpose in our reptilian brains And in tribal time. Now it's just some of us have a little too much of it just directed at the wrong things right you know. We were worried about Getting wrinkles when we should have worried about a virus yes. We're just worrying about the wrong thing. This is what I'm saying though I when I worry about everything. Whatever I don't worry about is what ends up happening. I had worried about literally everything else I was like. The Big One's GonNa hit You know a family member of mine is going to die I'm going to die. I'M GONNA get in a car accident like I thought of. All these things that could happen around My good news. Which was that? I had a special coming out and none of those things happened. The one thing that haven't was a pandemic that threatens Nali the business as a whole but our entire world And I think I didn't think of it because I didn't watch contagious because to me I was like that will make me spire. I'M NOT GONNA watch it. That'll make me spiral that's going to happen and now I'm like I should watch it so that I can prepare something I'd like something. Rake prepare. Yes I don't know. And they signed the vaccine at the end of contagious. I looked it up. Took them an hour? Forty minutes our forties right. I'm just comfort. I literally got to the point where I was like. Can the person that wrote contagion get involved in this? You can the Hollywood screenwriters that have been spending years researching pandemics. They probably know more than a lot of people who ministration now. They actually know a lot. Can The guy from house? Yeah that was like the consultant for House. Get in here yes do. Don't you feel like Tom? Hanks is going to be fine right. Yes yes so. Don't you like that makes people go? It's okay Tom. Hanks had it and he's fine and in the same way watching a movie about the same thing where at the end everything works out. You're like okay. Everything's GonNa be fine. I feel like the moment I thought we jog is really on one He's on steroids. Things are really hitting the fan. I think that when I heard Tom Hanks got it. That's when I was like we're all GonNa die really got to donate. Yeah oh I know. This doesn't care about it. Went for our leader. They went for the guy for America's sweetheart. Yeah and this is something. That does not discriminate. I think Tom Hanks had died. The entire world would be unlocked down. We'd be we would've just I mean I would have jumped off a balcony. It would have been voluntary just mess. Everybody would take would be taking this so seriously but a lot of people were probably like Tom. Hanks is now they're like why would I canceled? Spring break yeah. It's interesting to see who is a couple other celebrities have it? I mean it's yeah that's the thing with like football. No one's GonNa care about until like Tom Brady his neck. No one's GonNa do you know what I mean? It's like all that stuff. What a delight your take your life. This is how long did we go almost three hours really three more than three hours. God's amazing it is nine. Pm It's four hours ago. So how cells as my boyfriend things. I'm dead Just tell them you're cheating on honestly. This'll probably be good for our relationship because I'm always mad at him for not being worried enough that I'm dead. I'm mad at all my boyfriend still. It's not too late frayed. That's Whitney who need the Wifi Password. Though here except or just ask for it and Oh do I ask will like go to the WIFI network. Let me have it. You WanNa hear us get Taylor on Wi fi. I mean people are born in quarantine. Content is first orders. Fucking post mates on his podcast. So we're allowed to do this Okay I'll get you on okay Taylor Listener podcast She's on it now Self Helpless Self Helpless and about show on net flex. Yes quarter life crisis. You think she's halfway through your life. I thought I was. I thought I was now. I think I'm eighty percent done. This is the last partial ever do where she passes on. You know what to do. I don't know all the Benton says normally subscribe all that you're an adult. You know how this works if you haven't done it by now you're not GonNa do it. Don't ride elephants If you can donate to servers and service people that have lost their jobs Please do any amount counts your charlene. My friend WHO STARTED. I should have been prepared with this. Sorry started great thing to raise money. I tweeted about it. Just go to my twitter if you guys can Give to that just a little reminder. I gave to that As well and I'm rambling. I love you guys. Say strong safe strong. I'm really tired. Text me three to three To nope eight one eight two three nine seven five three seven. I'm GONNA stop talking. I always endless and these very awkward. I Buy Inc.

Whitney Brooklyn Whitney Lee Taylor HBO Lisa Loeb America Mall Townsville Guy cachefly Komo Muramoto Hbo keeney Avocado Sinead O'Connor scurvy
Taylor Tomlinson, Rasta Jeff and Geoff Tate guest

Doug Loves Movies

1:31:14 hr | 1 year ago

Taylor Tomlinson, Rasta Jeff and Geoff Tate guest

"Uh-huh. Candy wrapper screening. Hey, everybody. My name is Doug. And I love movies. That is not where that goes, sir. That's what he says. Were back at Kami works at ten for Colorado. Smothers day. Good mothers here. Nice. Nice. We couldn't do without you. Moms were nothing. But I do so every year mother's day here in Denver because I feel like a lot of people. If you're their moms are somewhere uncool. Yeah. So you can't hang with bomb today except for maybe a little face time. I say that it's may twelve twenty nineteen if I didn't apologize for that. Date lovers. But since it's mother's day. I wanna see some mother fucker name tags. Oh my goodness. You guys ever never disappointed me. Jay and silent Jason and silent. Doug strike back. Your Jason right are Tober sky Lee, your your name sky, Kylie. I don't know people are named sky, right? What? Star Wars last Jody I like it. Jodi. Star Wars Episode to Matt tack of the clones. Jurassic park. The green. For Namie make your porno. I feel like that one's get Josan. Mark of the penguins wants to deal with that bowling pin? Do it's a big la-. Mike ski. Of course, it is. What's the deal with the Michael Myers mask Halley? We halley. We'd like someone's got holy volleyball Wilson over there. What's the catch? You say on that Becky? Detective Becky SU. Well, this is too many to mention you guys really did a great job. Thank you for bringing those bring the house lights back down to go. A little over the north. I like it dark down here down here in the basement. The comedy works dungeon. Doug plugs. Douglas movies is back in Los Angeles Tuesday night at these theater Franklin location next Sunday week from today may nineteenth the brea, improv brea, California. It's a podcast crossover event as the dudes all fantasy everything guest all together on my show for the first time. Yeah. People love deal matured comedy on stated, Madison, Wisconsin Saturday. See I told you guys were from somewhere else. Saturday may twenty. Four twenty Boston providence, Philly and more coming up for all dates and deeds and links. Go to Doug loves movies dot com. So weird. Oh, goodness. The prize bag you guys. Rouse grocery store because I'm all about recycling. I got a fortune cookie lunch today with that in the bag. Yeah. The whole deal. Gotta Douglas movie sticker stormtroopers diggers, what meant to give out on the show. I did on may fourth. But forgot to do that somebody's getting today. Somebody's. Just did Malton fest out in Los Angeles. You guys a copy of Los Angeles. Learn all about that city. Bright never wanna go to because you live here. Movies t shirt? Done Bentson pin, Rockin pins. The male ten dollars in the alley outside the show. After the show. If you only have twenty we don't make change just by two. And then. Got a few of these over the years because I've been on a few. Three eleven cruises. Defined to give away to you've guys Denver deserves this. It's a three eleven causa mill cruise beach towel. Yeah. It's real nice. It's a real nice beach towel. I don't go to the beach enough anymore to need what? Too old for the beach. So all of that's in the prize bag couple of quick dugouts dug out to everyone who came out to Malton fest in LA hope it gets bigger and better next year was so much fun. This year just the first time out of the gate. The audio was a little crappy. Did anybody? Listen to the audio. Did you get through it? Okay. Yeah. A lot of popping sounds on the mics and stuff that we couldn't do anything about hot Mike's exactly. And then. Another dugout to this is exciting. New business just opened here in Denver called wise choice to to removal. Yeah. I think they're going to do. All right. But I've just hearing that they got a really cool laser there. That's like less painful than previous tattoo removal places. And supposedly here it does a really good job. And some thinking about getting Ted to just to go in there. And get one removed because the removal process, it's not so bad. So I also got a sticker from them for that company is in the. The old Vic somewhere, it's all that go here. It is two guys wise choice to remove. Yeah, they've already they just don't they've already got a sticker. That's how great that place is. And I'm very excited about the guests. I was able to assemble for you guys here today. Please give it up for roster. Jeff, Taylor Tomlinson, and Jeff takes. Excited. Getting a little feedback off something somebody's too close to something. Jeff. Take off. I was the freight. It was may go stand around the corner. We don't have to move that far. Don't they also we're not we don't know if it was you stopped. Let's meet individually starting with the lady in the middle headlining here all weekend at comedy works Taylor. Tom. Some happy to have you back. You were on the show last year. Some time in say, San Jose, San Jose, improv that was super fun. And now, you're going up against a man with a lot of hair. Very very is. Is are the dreads intimidating to you at all Taylor? Get your like stone or Tarzan like this. Worse. Com. But he can't sweep through the juggle anymore because he smoked all the vied. So he moved to boulder. Start a podcast. That's right. It's roster. Jeff everybody. Legendary legendary figure here comedy works Douglas movies because you you come to every show every show, and you drive all the way from boulder I come from Pueblo. I hate to correct you. Gotta represent boulders and pebbles mixed up. All this. We'd pairs my judgment. But yeah, he's always say like you drove a couple hours. Yes, at so, I always just assumed that that's boulder. That's right. That's not right. And there's that's all you know. Pretty bold. I mean pueblos always been a name Colorado's always made in my life because back in the day. It used to come up all the time is the place that would just have lots of information pamphlets that they would send out to people about things. I don't know. Why the okay from people? Sure, you don't either. Welcome to Colorado. The place knows everything. So maybe that's got something to do with. Jeff likes to make things. Let's go at so today on the show have to you know, to differentiate we've got roster Jeff, and then we'll call the other Jeff regular, Jeff. What did you say you wanted to be called back states? I said something. Yeah. He's roster jeffer- near like gone jet jet. Yeah. There you go. We're really do nicknames. Then I don't wanna be called Doonesbury. All right. It's harder to Chad. But everybody gave it up for Doonesbury. Just like it's not for everybody. But the ones that get it will try to tell you about it. Good stuff. Jeff is here, of course, fresh off his win in Kentucky against his own kin. Lost. I lost Hannah the hammer Mazza took me. That's right. I forgot. Just so you see waiting all the time. Yeah. You and your brother down. She pitted. You against each other. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. My brother forgot the mission impossible, some didn't have names and some so that the all have names. But some of them don't have subtitles. Yeah. The subtitling started. Subtitled started around didn't start around goes protocol. Yeah. I mean, it started goes. All the movies are captioned. Is that what you mean? No, that's not what I mean. Some is the words after the coal. After the clip. That's the weird part. That's the weird thing about about mission impossible. There's a coal in. And then they have to do it dash later because there's always a coal and after mission because each mission is impossible. So it's actually mission Colin impossible dash, or whatever you call that thing. Subheading lost a lost. Fuse accused whom lot is sitting there. And then. Gotta use a couple of words over always do it in. Patience. Right. It just keeps going. Just once just one as much as I love those movies. Just once he's got a not do it. So we believe it's difficult. I just. Still that I don't wanna live in a rogue nation where we have to turn ghost protocol. And then deal with the fallout. Second. Second one mission impossible to. Anyway, that's great being here. Denver. Went to the nuggets blazers game and turns out it was basketball. You just wanted to get some nuggets and blades. When they said, you wanna go the blazers game, I thought it was like I'd be like a cool place or something. Plays. We've made doughnuts by weight here. And then play cornhole. They originally wanted to call it but fucking. Right. Or five man. That's why they changed it. That's why. Too. Many people were like, no, thank you. That's why change it to extremely genteel. Cornhole. Which is always his worse. I think. I mean, it's all bad. All right. Let's say let's get into the particulars. Here starting with the old prize bag. This is your first time roster. Jeff bring in sub that for the prize bag real quick, though. Tell us the name of your podcast got a podcast called the grow from your heart podcast. It's all about cannabis news education conversation, it's available on itunes, Stitcher, and YouTube. Thank you. Said like a true jester? Very professional that again at the end for those of you that didn't get your pens out. I heard some of these comedy clubs not letting people have pens, you have to put your pen in the bag because I write down some of the. Doc is distracting being sketched. That's why you never wanna go on trial. You never wanna go on until advised trial because any all day long. This man is so hard to remember your story. Keep your stories straight while you're being schedule. Way you dress. You are asking to be skipped. Wait a second. She chatters. Warranty. Seeds. But grudge everyone should get their name. Adri? What's your name, ma'am? Jody. Oh, yeah. I saw your poster early. Right. How good is that make you all? Sorry. I said fuck. That's to you. And all the listeners. Worse mother's day ever. So what do you got for us roster? Jeff, I breed high quality high THC cannabis strains, and I brought some super exceeds. I've got a pack of a rise. And I've also got a pack of sonic, boom. So hopefully someone. That's funny that you brought receipts because I brought some uncooked meets. I really think we put people to work with the prize is that we give them. Is it a prize or a project when you give out when you give out seeds? That's pretty awesome. That's that's great. Thank you. I have a bag. We can use once all that grows. Just try to help. Taylor. What do you have for the for the I figure if you're here today, you probably shat the bed on mother's day. So I got your mom. Massive mug that says mom fuel. And then inside I got a little candle called goddess pedals, which is what you're cool. Mom, calls her vagina. After she gets remarried to someone like this and. Finds herself. And then I got cookie that says happy mother's day. And it is store bought. It's in a pack. It's if you take it out and fleet it, right? It might look like you made it it's that the writing on it is that shitty. So. You're welcome. Yeah. This this mug is so big and heavy that the Q bag. One of the strings is already broke. So so good luck. At this home in one piece. I gotta I gotta go back. Backups with as well. Tell us about EV all the stuff that's in your bag. Jeff. Maybe. First of all, I I have the when I saw the LEGO movie to they gave me a side of Legos thing. And I gave one away on the podcast. And I thought I want to keep one. And then I realized I don't wanna keep. It's kinda hits just dumb thing. I got this. It's a wristband. During the game earlier, it would light up. But now I mean, it's but it's from the game seven just a minute. Right away. You're laughing. This is how you remember that the nuggets loss. That it was a way was both teams play. Great. So I feel like. Fan. The fan was the real winner. We're not here to talk about it. Don't be he didn't fucking care about the nuggets until three weeks ago. Anyway. I got this for the real, Jeff let's face it. This girl doesn't really care that much about. Read here waiting for the show to star while exciting game was finishing. They didn't even have their phones. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, also, I don't know I had to leave early. Show. So who cares? The real heroes of mother's day or all the dads. To give focus for once pretend to care. I got this for you to give them. It's it's the most recent Jack Reacher, Abe. Dads everywhere will love it. I bought it for the flight here. And then I read the first two pages realize I read it already. I got a nugget a Nampa pen. This is a real hard day for me guys. It was my first it's fan. And it's. Did you like going out of business sale somewhere? Took one of them off and put it on my hat. I took another one off for my brother gave another one's my friend. Andy who do he was producer soup richer to and have? TV? Movies digital DVD, Blu Ray all three are in there. There's no excuse now. Now, you gotta do your homework and. I got my one one of my albums for the prize. Five of them. Where you five of them to sell what I like to say is instead of five of which sounds like I'm stupid. I liked the phrase I brought the rest of them. The ones that could find right before I left. You're welcome Denver. How much of those going for out now after the show, whatever you got interesting trades considered. In decriminalize, something else and. I mean. Somebody wants some she rooms. Interesting trades. Consider. What? I wanna know what it's like to be sure. Well, struggling to breathe. It really drives. How fragile this thing is. Got a text. Josh blue. What's up, dude? Are you in Denver? His spider sense. I just wrote back. Yep. He's always great to have on the show. We don't he was around. As a weird thing to say to your current guests. Known someone better was around. Thanks. Four. It wasn't this guy thinks we should have seven guys. I think he was merely saying that in sort of a hyperbolic, you could do whatever you want. I do. Yeah. I don't think he meant seven specifically. I hope not too many. It's too many sage we have brought out sorta chairs like a tiered. I guess we could do it. Okay. Next time seven guests. Zuber mind you right now as the Josh blues. Should I also write to them? How fast can you get down here? He's doing are here. I'll I'm gonna say we'll be out in the alley at six. Right on. Six ish on the fuck. No. Star six. It just seemed delightful. Delightful roster. Jeff, what was the last movie saw I fell asleep watching a movie called the grass is greener. Oh, is that like is that we we documentary fell? Go figure right that too many dads. Yeah. I can't do dams than watching formative documentary. You can but can't buy now work out. But but you liked what you saw I think I fell asleep. So can media. Well, was it about Indica weed? They had been it had been. Like, didn't it didn't really work. Stop doing jokes from the audience. The look on series of you're on your own thoughts are bad. Last movie is long shot yesterday. Could you believe she fucked ugly? He's a movie star. Of course, he could have sex pretty lady. I think some are. Yeah. Those what do they call those sisters? No, that's not it. The sisters brothers. Yeah. The in sales. That was totally different. Yeah. Fucking in cells. What's an that's the thing is I can't even remember the expression because it's so silly. It's they claim to be celebrate intentionally. Volunteer voluntarily but they're volunteering because they're not getting anywhere sexually. I'm gonna sign up for this thing where it's like boycotting something you'd never bought in the first place. It's like boycotting Coca Cola. If every time you tried to buy Coca Cola Tokala was like, no, thank you. Yeah. Tried. My cousin Pepsi's. Nice. Talk about you. Our seal give in handy. I'm sorry guy said that when? It's been a lot of Jack off material. Stool is damn. Sounds like what are those comedy from the Catskills there like if something needs to have it in the room by stool is day. Everyone working off fuck. You're not doing well. Stop. Listen stopping Jeff's head writer. Did you enjoy long? I. Yeah. I was okay. I really more to Seth Rogan than surely Ceron on. So I was like fucking get it like I was having. Yeah. He's. He's so funny. Of course, it's going to get it. Got a joke. I want to say about it. But it's one where you together you have to see if you haven't seen it might be a little bit spoiler. So I'm just warning you guys in week or two you're gonna hear great joke. Probably to eat it. Jeff was last movie you saw. Spiderman into the spider verse. Why did you side before you said it, I'm I'm super high? A little drier than I thought it was gonna be. Been just listening for though and needed a minute. Voice back up to speed. Practice in my head say spider verse into the Spiderman. Can't say with outside. I really helps. You get it out there. Spiderman into the spider verse. Lurk. That would be a great way to play jeopardy is just before before answer by. Cy. What is spider, man? Vital Byner van. They're like, that's what happened to me. None of these are going to be Spiderman, dude. Do you see one category where even might be Spiderman? Anyway, I love that movie. Don't you watch it on? I watched it on TV like a big TV. I saw it in the theater a couple of times bought it on I tunes. There's a fuck in spider pig short of God. That's so funny spider, ham, whatever. Oh my God. That movie is amazing. Gives you a lot of work with doesn't it allowed to see think about? But then they put words up. So, you know, sometimes I'd get a little confused. I get a little lost. Sometimes I can't hear what they're saying. All the time. But then boom the words. Comic book. So there there'd be words on the screen. Yeah. Don't don't panic. It's not like subtitled and foreign. That's puts me sleep reading. Sometimes you better be damned. Good movie. If you're gonna make me read it. What was the last movie you read? That is a good one. Maybe Roma one of the kademi award made foreign films like trying to last for and film. I saw and read. What was that one about the kids? Shoplifters who never. I feel like that's a word. You're always anxious. When you pull up to children in your van? Ever been to never land. I could take you there. But will never arrive. The name you guys. That wasn't a. I guess it was all right? So. Thank you for that round of current movies. People can go and see themselves. I know you guys love this podcast. But you could also check out the movies. We talk about. Yeah. Just as soon that they were watching them already. Anyway, you should see that Spiderman movies. It's funny. Turn it off bird. Games. Got me tags right here in Denver city. Lots of. People should will go to a brief commercial message. We'll be right back. Today's show's brought to you by blue chew guys. Remember the days when you were always ready to go. Now, you can increase your performance to get that extra confidence in bed with blue dot com. Lucia brings you the first tubal with the same FDA approved active ingredients as by Seattle. So you know, they work could take any time day or night. It says Chewable they work up to twice as fast as a pill. This isn't just for guys who can't perform it's for any guy who wants extra fuction to enhance their performance. Most guys talk a good game. But if you're one and done glue couldn't even help your follow for round two blue cheese prescribed online and ship straight to your door, discreet package. In-person doctor's visit no waiting in the farm. And no more awkwardness. Blue cheese made the USA it sits prepares ships direct. It's cheaper than a pharmacy. Visit dot com. Get your first shipment free. When you use their special promo code L, just pay five dollars for shipping. That's B L U E chew dot com. Promo code deal to try it free back to the show. All right. We're back. And I just got gifted something called Chuck Chuck rooms they're like chocolate, mushrooms. Do they have real mushroom power? Is it just a snack? It's a candy only. I'm not taking mushrooms of the middle of my show. Even if even if they're fake candy bus rooms. It does make sense though, like even candy cigarettes like anything, that's you know, children shouldn't have make a candy version. You can't even get them. Early who you played for their jeeter. Well, roster Jeff picked his own girlfriend's name tag. Julie. Really? No, no, no, no, no. This is not a show with Boeing. You would have pick your girlfriend or you. At least don't understand. Why did? Everyone was bullying in-cell. I don't have a girlfriend whose name tag. Choice overload. Jeff and Amy make a porno. It's a really good poster. She did a very good job. Just seeing you without dreads is the price of admission alone. That's only. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. All right. So good luck. Photoshop, dude. That's pretty amazing. All right. Good job. What do you got there? Taylor. I got a vendors end page. I'm guessing you're name's page. I've never seen this woman before it's not my girlfriend, everybody shelled fuck out. And I picked it. Three of us are on here. And also just randomly Alaka of my hair in the middle. This some some went wrong at the printing. There's just a disembodied bit of my hair. Over black widow. So that's fine. But this is great. I love this. People put different faces on vendors posters. I don't know how to do it. So I'm very pressed look, you know, I know which one now now we're all on a poster dog. I'm doctor strange. Yeah. You. Yeah. You. What do you got there? Jeff looks like you got yourself a nice toy I'm play for some weight that was on this thing. It's just some weed. Name is we'd. He tapes them we'd to whatever that this actor Patrick. It's matrix toy. You know, I, you know, I love the matrix. But mostly it was the weed. Can't they sell candy where I live. Weed is legal in Cincinnati. What I mean candy. Decriminalize candy three years ago. And having a good time. It's just a ticket now. Ticket canes. I like roller coasters. There's a gentleman over there that Hades chilly said FOX. All right. So that's. You're playing for Patrick Patrick Patrick page, and Amy will you guys are playing for and again, thank you everyone for all your name tanks. But now we're going to get serious. Could compete. Let's start with characters. Welcome. Just list off the characters listed in the end credits of most picture, according to. And then. You guys can guess as often as you'd like what the title of the movie is first person get it. Right. Winds only people on stage are eligible. No matter how excited you are about knowing the answer don't yell it out. Yeah. Especially you, Amy. Guys aren't at team. I mean, you all right, Mike. But God not in this. Ready? Jeff. Wasn't talking to you. They're somewhat in. This movie is credit is police officer. Lethal the weapon. There's a weapon to know police academy lethal weapon three. Healthy. I'll save you. The trouble is not RoboCop two it's not to reboot RoboCop. There's a character in this movie, called tow truck driver. Sister, Mary Mary. There is someone named Jade east. Someone else called strawberry hair. Vice no, but that's a good guess. Nice dreams up in smoke. Smoke is correct. Scared. Yeah. It goes on to freak with basketball. Four. There's a character name. I don't think Jeff understands what happened. There's a character. Mr. stone sergeants today go that's a real giveaway one right there. And then she char called man and Pedro. And the man. Yeah. So that's up and smoke from nineteen seventy eight. Yeah. Great job roster. Jeff. Would you like to? I was gonna say through a Donut into the crowd. But. What's that Reese is right there? What's going on with that? That's what's going to be. Now, I want to. Throw that. Why do you want him throw that? I will. But I want to know you'll be invited back. It's pack. It's just Chuck it into the crowd. Yeah. Can't see watch your eyes. Oh, wow. Snag shit. Like he's never eaten. Did the Easter bunny not breaking a rhesus egg this year? Got more. Fucking bag. Can't be. All right. So yeah. So whenever somebody wins a game. They could Chuck some candy into the crowd. Next game. I'm stone. Don't do that shit. Do it stoned people. Oh, yeah. Some some beef jerky. I'll take that. Laura's lean grasp head beef. Wow. I'm keeping this. Fresh duck tape on there. It says free. I hate that beef jerky where they jam gluten. That's actually that's called meter. This cable. Jeff's have it five. Tell you which one. I made a porno. Yeah. According to your girlfriends poster. Yeah. That's interesting. The verb is make a porno. It means it's currently happening. So which means you're involved now background player. Maybe a featured extra. It's not sag was fear. All right. Now, we're gonna play ABCD's. I don't know Taylor's played this before I have not it's a game. It's spelling game sort of we're going to spell something by spell something. I mean, I'm gonna tell you a phrase, and then we're gonna take turns three of you naming movies beginning with the next letter in that phrase. It's Ross to Jeff one last game. He gets to go. I will go to Jeff Tate. And then we'll go to you Taylor. You'll you should have an idea works by. And if you match what I've written down, then headed time, I pick movie begins with that letter. If you match it. He's just win this game medically and this show gets over really early. Love to spend a lot of time. Throwing candy. But here's an interesting wrinkle on a few of these and I'll tell you headed time when it's when it happens I've written down more than one answer C twice. The chance of matching me it's still out of all the movies ever made. So that. Pay attention for and it's tough to do. And you have to go first. But there will be theme to all of the hopefully all the answers. She I feel like you don't know what I was talking. A lot of this very complicated. It's it's much easier. That you currently think is. Once he does one. And then I do the other. I can't believe that was one second where I thought I would get it. It is weird. It's like lived, I repeat and this when I'm explaining it to the guests have never played before. They're just like, what are you even? Are you kidding me? Maybe movie begins without letter. And that's success. And some people panic I'm not gonna think of the movie the begins with 'em. Mike will get off the goddamn stays. That's gonna be the first letter. We are spelling mother's day. So Ross to Jeff stars off the letters M name any movie begins with him. And this is a double I wrote down to. So if you get either of the two I wrote down you win this whole thing. Keep teaching us about it. Because I go blank when again front of a crowd. Okay. So am a letter in the alphabet. What if I went for what if you just gave me a letter like we do a practice frame? All right. Let's say it's a sea. I got a name. I got a name of movie starts the letter z. So I would say zodiac and Doug a house things mouse. And I'll be like oh, dang. God. It's really that. Simple. Alright. So roster. Jeff you need to have him. Explain the game. About mara. Just without asking me. I started playing the game out loud with a made of scenario. If I did that then we'd be playing the game before playing the game. So I hope that you understand. Did you think what Marvel's eventers? Yeah. Take. I wha with you could've said, mommy, dearest. Or? Mother that's mother with an exclamation. Mark. Now, the other mother without one that was made by Albert Brooks. Just mother Jennifer Lawrence was in or and Albert Brooks directed mother. Oh my God. B k b. Okay. So the next letter is oh because we're spelling there's day. So unless Jeff fails your letter coming to you Taylor will be the tea, what do you think for mother's day? I'm gonna say they're people's money. That does begin with the letter. Is not the one that I wrote down. It's like I have win. I wrote down one one in a million years gas, but it so perfect for today. There's an actual movie star Jonathan winters called. Oh, dad. Poor dad. Momma's hug you in the closet and feel so sad. Yes. It's fucking real. We played that walk side. We've die repeat. It was very funny. Heard of there. So it's funny. John it's a comedy about that you I think it's based on a play of the same thing. Those are can I can I ask a question. Really? So there's a theme to all the ones you picked. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah. All right. See that's why I wanted you there because I figured this all out. Time. I got you. So the letters t I don't know that. So this probably won't be the one year. I'm toys story. Great answer. Toy story. Two to three. Toys fours out soon. I went with Rome from the train. H is the next letter. Hell raiser. Yes. I have never seen a hell raiser movie. You're better offer that probably horror enthusiasts like them. But as soon as I can pinhead face then face man, I was just like and he's the bad guy. Right. And that sort of. Yeah. He's a little. I just even though he's a bad guy. Still worried that he'll fall down. For like open up a cabinet into his face or. I just you know, miss with a high five and people walked of needles into his face people walk by and hang up. Like, do you want me to teach you good? Stick to what a fucking needles bulletin board head. Yeah. Yeah. He's definitely should say post. No bills. Pin pin? Hellraiser colon. Pose nobles. I with the motion picture where Sigourney Weaver, Jennifer, love Hewitt played mother and daughter con artists called Heartbreakers. Yeah. So ease the next letter for you, Jeff. Evil, dead two. That's a good one. There's actually a movie. Called Ed and his dead mother. Ars? Your letter Taylor Rainman. Oh, so close. Really, no. You said it begins with our. So you get that much right in our area. And it's one of the more. If I wasn't here. This would be fun movie watch mother's day room. Yeah. Not fun at all that movie. Is not fun. John. You're you're here. Javed? Your letter is an apostrophe. There's gotta be one that begins with an apostrophe. I'm gonna look it up on my phone that I get to us. The hillbilly version called round the world in eighty days. Do you just type in pasta? I. No results. Without I'll do another letter. Maybe Ostra fi L. Now, this is fun. Oh. Oh. So I guess there aren't any your. Move onto the next letter, which of course, is s stop or my mom will shoot that is the answer. Holy shit. Nobody saw that coming. I didn't see that coming. Yeah. Just for fun. Jeff tijuana. Guess what the D was? No, thanks. Why did you say that? Because he's dumb. I'm sorry. I have just guessing based on what I know about you. Stop by. This sturdy. You better. Fuck me, or my mom will shoot. They instill movie we've all been waiting for. Right with those. When those when those guys leave church, they can go all the way never mind, all the way home. I fired him. It's too bad earlier chance for you can't be taken back. They're out there forever. But that was a good guess on the deep the actual what I wrote down divide secrets of the sisterhood. And then for hey, I wrote down Angela and the be okay because that's her whole thing with her mother and the spelling bee and then. Oh, yeah. I really did. I really did. Right. Angela Manjula thought she needed a wider name. There's something called it just fit perfectly for why. I don't know what this movie is. But it's called you'll like my mother. Which also itsel movie. It's the it's the one psycho. Sequel that was like tried to be a rom com. Okay. You guys could take you guys. Get those chance back. I can't believe that the streak that roster. Jeff is on here today. You get to go first in the next game. But before we do that do you wanna throw candy people love to? I love to. Here. He goes. Look at them. Go look at them. Go. Oh, that's exciting. What the the longest dragged? Do you have hanging off your head? How long is it? Do you know, I don't have a number. But to my knees that count. I'm six five. It goes to my knees. Do that you staying how much do you have left after knees? How long is your need to foot area? This obviously not ever buy socks. I bet it's about five big numbers. Just like knee highs. I didn't I didn't even go to my knees once we'd leaves on them. Yeah. So you got how told you say you were I'm six five. Okay. So these are probably about those your hair's probably about five five five five. Sure. Yeah. Official. Good job. Cool. How many? No five feet out of how many feet when when does this stop? Out of six six. I'm just gonna keep it. Yeah. Well, no title caught up under your back your shoes. Yeah. We'll see. What happens hire someone to carry them day? Dangerous. Doesn't have long grad trip. Catching still pins? Exactly befriends him around. Let's play last man Stanton. Even though did eventually win against Jeff. It still was very exciting and competitive, and so I really enjoyed playing the game that way stacking it all up against Jeff. And then seeing how how does. So this is the game Taylor, Jeff where we take turns naming movies that a person is been, and if you can't think of one you're out, but you have a lifeline, which is you know, you can go to Amy once Ross to Jeff and you go to page once Taylor if you need page, but just the one time, and then if you can't answer correctly after that, you're out. Yes. I have a question. What if you go to your lifeline? And they don't know one either you are. Lifeline is a whole. And you should never have picked that me. As a lot of shame sorta falls on their family. You guys did have your phones is possible to calls from down here. Can you get a line out or we to underground? All right, Jeff, I'm gonna call. You see if it works. From in the past. If you remembered from before the phone ban here at the before the phone band of twenty eight teen. Do you really have that many emails? Yeah. Replied somebody. Shit. Somebody's calling me right now. The brand Tober. He's a comedians on this show star. What's up? He hung up. The over there. Is. Put it on speaker. It worked. Doesn't work for very long. By does work. So if your lifeline fails, you Taylor same huge browse to Jeff you could call somebody. You can do a lifeline on your phone to try to get the answer. Can we spend explaining to the person we? We. We're doing. It's like how to be a millionaire. We'll put you on a clock. The whole chatting. Make it hard for you to hear what we'll do is. I'll eat too raises cubs. And then whenever I finally get whatever I can find the whistle again. You're out of time. Whenever I can finally whistle. Take awhile. I guess. Get to read all the way gone. Himself teens in their way. Why don't we just give her all the time in the world? Why don't you? Go have have a whole meal. Listen, if I'm gonna eat Monte Cristo. If you're still on the phone, I'm done with that entire Monte Cristo. You're out of time. How many of those do you think you've had your life? Hearst. Seven. Should be more is should be more. But places that serve them always have cut off time. I can't believe you had an actual answer. I can't believe that you actually know your count of Monte Cristo. Decide between dog Bentsen. That it was that guy that got it wrong. He's mad because I fired. But here's the wrinkle today Taylor. Andros to Jeff you both have to think for a second. Because normally we just get some random actor's name, you know, stop crews, Iraq or whoever, and that's great. But we like to use actresses as well and also not necessarily people that are in a million movies. So each of you today gets to pick the name of actor actress that you think you would do well at this and Jeff might not do so. All effort to take down the powerful. Don't let my looks. There's one guy out there that is once chant every time he hears. Your last name. So I'm not going to say it anymore. Who's gonna murder you? Graf? Okay. So Taylor Jaffer thinking about it. Either. One of you have that you'd like to do somebody tries hard to. All of their movies. You know sometime. Don't try to curve rouse jet. Work together against me. Everything I'm thinking as part of my problem. Right. You've been doing so. Well. You're like I've seen know movies and now out here. This guy's been hustling. First thing he said, he's watch movies. Tell them all of us. He pretended. He couldn't think of a movie the begins with him. I can't believe you didn't say mother's day. It was right there would've said mother's day because I'm lazy. I'm to give raving I'm gonna go with Adam Sandler. Oh, San man. Very cool. Okay. That's going to take awhile. He's been in a few movies. What do you think Taylor? I'm going to say Jennifer Lopez. Kayla wouldn't say banking on. They may not be able to name like, Andy. That's what I'm hoping for. I don't know that many because I don't think there are. This is my strategy. I'm going to be real transparent about J lo alternates, movies and TV, and we key. We can't she's she's in thirty movies as she really. Oh, yeah. All right. So I play along in this game. But Jeff gets to go first roster. Jeff, and then we'll go to Taylor other Jeff, and then me and good luck to everybody movie that either one of those people have been either one of those it's regular, Jeff. Jeff Jeff got to do Barry do. You're mad of many nicknames. But just one face. I'm gonna kick off with Money Train. Oh, look at you. He's doing lo out of the gate. Taylor made Manhattan. Jeff. Yes. Good answer a July's. Selena. Look at you. So glad they're all Jlo's. Wow. Fifty first dates? Sanmen Jeff wedding say her. We'll do all the Barrymore's the drew Barrymore trilogy and say blended. Oh. Fucked up on previous. Taylor. Click. Jeff. Have you? I said I was so naturalized that happy Madison. I've felt stupid. But that's his production company. It says it at the beginning of all movies, including. The do over. Little NICKY anger management. Though bowl. Okay. This is my resident of Jeff. The log is yard. I would say here. The longest yard our yard. Big daddy. Jill. Yes. This is. Intense. That's my boy. I don't know if I can I don't know if they can beat you have to feel like he's going to rain over me. Done. What? Up here. Also begin with. Go-to Amy see what she's got. Spang? Right. So now, you might you might get triggered to think. More. As we go around Taylor. Bedtime stories. Anaconda? The hand thing I'm going to do that for all of my. Jeff really puts these really put it all together. Well, then that's why my nickname for him is the cobbler. The movie was about shoes. Was it about cobbler at all? Bullshit move. Thought it was. Roster. Jeff grownups. Yes. Figure it out. There's a grownups too. I mean, it's it's still in the game. But I'm feeling bullet for. If you went to them by you snack. What it's going to be. I don't. But I. Nuts. Did you say what would you say? Bulletproof? Oh, God damn. He's doing really well. You are bulletproof. Yeah. Can we be cutesy about the answer? Work do sentence. Well, you don't have to. Shows like pro wrestling audience, the allegiances just changed. Just based on whoever's stock enough shit. A big ten is for everybody. Back to you been stolen long enough. I'm gonna say black sheep, and he showed up with his friends. Oh, I like that strategy. But I don't believe appears that shot. Wait a second. Wait a second. Maybe. He does up in that one rob Schneider movie. Where rob Snyder? What is the giant baby is? Girl is it called black sheep. If it wasn't black sheep wrong. White chicks. Hot hot. What was the one where they were white white chicks? But that's the way. Yeah. Kind of sequel the hot chick. Probably why Dame get it. I never saw the first one. Who starts me? Or Taylor Taylor's second second. That was the recent one. She just did that. Yeah. That was good. Cutesy get with this one. You saw second second. Overboard. Anyone second? Oh, did you say going overboard? Very early out of say on the movie. Going over. Real. But whatever Sam. I'm still in it. Looking forward looking forward to when you leave today. Jeff you on a why was that because he'll be out of sight. This is like when you're two friends start flirting, and you don't know. Should leave? Doing different thing. When you go out for milkshakes. But they share one. Should I go? I'm just glad to know. We're friends. Right at the beginning. Turn the boy next door. That jaylo she really crank that shit out. I now pronounce you, Chuck and Larry. Do you have my favorite character wasn't that movie was the wedding? Planner or singer planner was jaylo McConnell. Weird. He said the wedding. Yes. Don't mess with this. You can't just say the same. She just said. Don't say. Well is just the ridiculous. We're getting titles. Hard to make flow. We're getting there. But there's still a few. Adam was shakes the clown. See I wasn't cutesy. No. That wasn't which is going to pay eight crazy crazy. Might be the first chance for an audience member. Feel punchdrunk. Where I'm staying here in town. Where is that Doug hotel Transylvania? Right into that one. Okay. I think this is a movie if I'm wrong. I just remember watching this. It'd be said hotel Transylvania, but I'm saying one pressing case, I'm wrong. The Meyer with stories was. Was. Does that count? Even though it's on Netflix. Movie with Ben Stiller at okay? Jeff. I mean, it doesn't count. You guys should argue about it more. Are you out of out of titles? I just need to do some dirty work. You guys are both working so hard over there. Both you could've said hotel Transylvania two. Taylor. There's a movie that I can't think of the title. Title. Driving? Crazy. I think it's a movie is the one where Tom narrating it. And there's a part where Sandler's Juergen off. Right. So I don't know my God. There's like what you say again. What was your last answer dirty dirty last was hotel Transylvania two? Taylor. Hotel work or something like what you. Giving me I don't know what it is. I don't think I do this. I cannot think of what it is. So sorry. Sorry page. The Dow fighting it out. What do you got? Like, I don't I don't trust. That's not a setup. You've done that to me before where you've really put it in my head that there was a third would say. Follow my fuck and high horse. Whatever. So I'm going to say. Anybody say the the heart check. We're just talking about. Yes. You could say. Turn hotel Transylvania three. Not a real. Oh shit. Drag of summer. Breach. Her didn't have a subtitle. Did what is it? Some are. I was so close. I hope the next one is hotel Transylvania goes to. And I'm going to say the week of what's that is that? Chris rock that he may. Church out a lot of garbage now. And one of the things they turned out was called the we. Another thing. I mean, if you don't listen just go with it. That's. When I first posted for that's my boy, I thought it was a movie where Adam Sandler and Andy Sandberg switched had. Opposed are made it look. While you guys are great. Amazing funny people and. Jeff. He's the winner. Patrick to come get the stuff. Here's all your stuff right here. Patrick. Congratulations to be really careful giant mug. Try to consolidate for you. But I'm not I'm not a fischel bag or not a Bagger by trade. Yeah. You won the seeds. The seeds a towel and a big Cup move out. Slater's family. Patrick's got some stuff. What you decide it? Well, sign it out in the alley. Let's real quick your podcast great job. Whereas to Jeff. Don't stop. The broadcast is called podcast is the girl from your podcast on itunes, and Stitcher and YouTube. It's all about cannabis if you're new grower longtime grow or a new smoker. You will learn something from my show. Even if you're not in the candidates that you may learn something, and I'm kind of funny, sometimes it might be worth it. Yeah. Trivia games. No. Okay. Play any games. But thank you for being here and Taylor Tomlinson. What's going on with you? What do you got? I also have a podcast with a couple of comics called self helpless. I'm at thank you, Amanda, Tomlinson on everything and t-, Tom comedy dot com for any road. How to return to normal life after? Denver's not it's not normal. Jeff, what do you getting winded? When you walk up the stairs. Is cast. I delete almost every day make it as I gasped for breath podcast alter. And we're we're back on track. I got new fucking gear. Don't don't worry. Next on Thursday this coming Thursday. The sixteenth. I think or whatever maybe this Thursday Knoxville at the pilot light. So does show there will get it started. What's people show up? You'll do a show. Yeah. I like it. I like a good approach on Friday. I'm in ashville North Carolina called zoom room. Sounds God damn delightful. It's gonna be. So if you're in those places comes. My. Everybody. All three of you. Look at me. And I know it's really close Rossa Jeff this is beautiful. Because you know, normally, I use pictures take it from the audience, but have phones rule here. So I do but thank you to comedy works. And thank you guys for being here. Keeping the mother's gay traditional live. We'll do it again next year if that's all right with you guys. Magoo bees in outside of Baltimore in the first week of June. There Jeff understand that. I'm just trying to wrap it up. It's only been on the show of hundred times. Taylor said roster. Always. Themes are. Extra confidence in bed with blue chewed calm. The first to say FDA approved active ingredients as Agra and Seattle is for guy wants to have their performance, and it ships straight year door, discreet package. Blue dot com is where you need to go. Get your first free special promo code. Just pay five dollars for shipping. That's B L U dotcom. Promo code deal to try it for free do. All right. Yeah.

Jeff Jeff Taylor Taylor Jeff Denver city Mike ski Adam Sandler Chuck Chuck Doug boulder Andy Sandberg Colorado Amy Jody Jeff Tate Jeff let YouTube Patrick Patrick Patrick nuggets Los Angeles basketball
ABOUT LAST NIGHT #523: TAYLOR TOMLINSON

About Last Night

1:07:55 hr | 3 months ago

ABOUT LAST NIGHT #523: TAYLOR TOMLINSON

"So they would bring in. They would bring in dear to the office to draw them to then go. This is what it should look like in the movie. This is Bambi. Yeah maybe was was that the NBA is not just a guess based Bambi on. It would be great so those are the. Disney secrets that I want to come out some someday when they just go boy we really did. Not what a beast looked like and then somebody like make some bad joke. They're like yeah until you go to Brian's house and the open it's free. I tell you that picking confidence who sends pictures of fridges. Yeah you definitely have Pixar Energy which I think is which is a common not sketch energy like you alluded to but up face. No Oh man don't thinks are energy your face too big. Your body's cartoony. No you're by the way enough with the face jokes. You got a great face at some point. We're going to read today where people are going to be like. They've not buying enough self-deprecation over So Round See I. It's not a big SARK would you? Would you want to voice a at all? I hear is tiny cartoon my singing and harmonising about laundry. I haven't seen the movie What what what would you want to voice just on the topic of cartoons? What character. Everyone thought about that? And the further we get into this business. Those things are going to be come actual opportunities and you're going to have to be ready when you know Dan Disney or whoever's running the fucking company goes no Taylor I've senior act like a joke about About relationships look at me just not. She'll Adam oh I did watch it by the way but I also if I can be honest by the way I was trying to rack my brain for a bit. I saw in your new our that. You did an aspen because to me you know. I'm whatever I think you should just get better your netflix specials fucking great but that new our was like when I was like she's awesome and there's so I was trying to do a bit mat racket but then I was like well. That's not out yet so don't reference it even though. I won't be doing the bit you know what I'm saying. I didn't WanNa give away a secret before it's even out. It's nice but I was going to reference the bit. The one that came into mind about being on top in a relationship and the things that guys say to the girls very fresh Disney will. That's the one that Dan Disney will go. I really like the joke about being on top. I think this I think I'll voice of HR employees in the next film. Now what would you want to? What creature or animal would you WANNA be? I WANNA be a chipmunk because it's probably the cutest animated character totally with with it still has a little bit of edge. A chipmunk with. Yeah yeah maybe like a trip with a joint or something or just a chip regret. Zeus Disney Pixar movie Us when I was in when I was a kid. I got teased for my cheeks. Time and people would accommodate. Dad chipmunk cheek so it would feel like sort of taking back the night I like that. That's actually very. It's way more thoughtful than I thought you were. GonNa come back with C. I was teased for the cheeks too but I was teased from I. Top to bottom people were like look you on a whole look like a jelly bean who swallowed a Jello machine and so got the full. They didn't just settle on above the neck they went they went from head to toe was was chester chipmunk. Who Was it Chubby? Would they call you a Chubby chipmunk? What was it you said? I CHIPMUNK CHEEKS JIM ON CHEEKS. Okay was there. Did it bother you because I'm always curious with the this isn't how you became a comedian? Was it like getting because for me? I you know getting enough of that then I was like all right time to throw back and then start being funny and then all of a sudden it was like oh now. You're not the fact that you're the funny kid but did you just kind of brush off or were you affected by any sort of curious. I think I probably started being more self deprecating up top to head any of that off and I still do it as an adult and so people get annoyed with me a as you just did reset enough with the face. Joan I go. I burn this year's this is how I've survived and also like I was on a winning. Come Kiss choosing very nice things about me and I said yeah but this is recent like I wasn't I wasn't like that attractive growing up. We go inside. You don't feel Andrea villas way to eat inside. I feel like who I was when I was twelve thousand percent forever. Yeah and sometimes just to you know get that emotion truly back on a whole. I'll dip a couple of pop tarts into cool whip and just kind of do this thing where you just scrape it like your Zamboni around the edges and we call that meal coming home. It's a homecoming meal right there. I always eat really badly. 'cause you get nostalgic. Yeah and that's what you were doing your again. I mean the amount of my freshman year in college was in the fraternity and o's actually software living in the house. And and I had a kitchen stored so I had the key to the kitchen so all the potheads truly started getting high and just realizing power that potheads give you if you have the key to the snacks and they would wake me up at two in the morning and I was a class at nine. I have to do this. Know full scene wagon class. It's my final. And they're like they just hold up joins outside the windows. I one one. You know Tuxedo or whatever. I was going to open their eyes and hearts do and I would go down there and we also the job going to costco to buying all the snacks I remember. We had Costco Muffins and ice cream and pop everything. We'd like this budget for your parents are giving to the fraternity that is going to like drinking parties. Caravanning sorority girls in the buses to the events that you are orchestrating and then the snacks and possibly the the St claims. And so I. If I put one night I put to pop tarts scoop ice cream in between a costco muffin. Which by itself is a heart attack waiting to happen. So you got Muffin Muffin. You got a love by the way. You are the commercial for this. If I ever get stony or broke enough to pitch this you are please. Let me save this. Doom of us going like I saw your son come home from war and he had a Muffin Baabda. That was genuine. So I'm so proud of and worried for you. Great both legit emotions. So bother as in between the MUFFIN and I have like this. And I'm about to take a bite of it like it's a regular sandwich and my buddy goes were weren't you and I just start laughing. The whole thing out. He's like only a fag. Would think to put pop tart Muffin ice cream muffin. And I was like Yeah Dude. I don't know if I'm GonNa make it at a college. We'll also had a you know you had class in the morning and you were in a hurry. Yeah so you can't even hopeless things individually. It's breakfast on the go. Oh my God. Those muffins are dangerous. Joke right thank God. They're so good so big so unnecessarily big one gets through a or a day and you're like good point. God's go wait my God throw days. That's all I ate was just like have those giant Muffins Leno at different intervals of the day. I'm like what is it noon. Time for another half a moment. Let's let's shoot. Switch things up with poppies. That's how I even had any idea that it was nighttime. Is that if you were out of muffins. There's only a quarter left. Must be seven o'clock. Did you have a. Were you like super as quick and personable as you are now as a kid. 'cause I always feel like that who we are now? And you're you know. I think ten years younger than me but but I I still feel like at a certain age. We do develop like the not necessarily comedic chops. But just enough wherewithal to know too. I think you start to really blossom into who you're gonNA BE ED around like I don't know twelve to fifteen. I think you'd get a lot of the. A lot of the chips are a lot of the cards that are going to be in your deck for who you are as a person. I guess if I were to explain it you know what I'm saying like you start to accumulate like who you are based on the people that are around you and your environment and your folks and all that so were you. How much of this did did your friends get it like you know. Twelve elementary school. I guess I mean I was funny with my friends but I wasn't like a class clown or anything and I really was very shy. Yeah until like college. I mean I started doing standup in high school. Obviously but it wasn't until I got to college and I started working and I had to talk to people. All the time is just like a cashier at a restaurant that I I started. I used to be like afraid to make phone calls to order food. Or whatever like I was very shy. Yeah and I had four -able stagefright like the first few years that I did stand up and took a long time for me to not be afraid. I mean once I was comfortable for a few years really. I mean yeah. I did so much theater. That being on stage wasn't as terrifying. It still took yet time to get. Comfy wasn't nervously pacing or moving without a purpose. But so I don't I mean it is funny though that people like you're so grounded now so and I think it's easy for people to look at that and go. There's no way that you ever had a problem but like it's still public speaking. It's still just because you're good at it now doesn't mean you just decide you. WanNa do stand up. And then that part just goes away like the The nervousness of of being in front of people. That's you know that in the writing are just like constantly kind of climbing to meet each other in the middle to where it all can you know. Mesh up for for one special. The Disney is going to be beyond board with but did. Was there something that somebody said to you? That made you Minimize your anxiety to be on stage or was it just like I'm just GonNa have to do this a billion times and eventually just you know. They're the those old things about like picture people in their underwear or like with a swastika on their face or IDA weird. Gp teacher but something to make you go all right. This isn't as bad as it could be. I think I talked to a comic when I was like nineteen. Who said like you're really good and you don't work hard enough and you need to be getting on stage like every night as much as possible and you don't make it. It's your own faults wall so that was big for me because it made me go. Okay I guess I have to get over this. I have to get over. I'm scared because I was only going up like maybe a couple times a week and once I started getting on stage every single night it was like oh. I'm not as scared anymore because there's another one there's another show tomorrow or in half an hour or you know once you're doing it that much the stakes get much lower because there's less pressure on each individual set. Yep that's what did it for me yet. You have to have somebody at some point to kind of go out of the way to give you that. Otherwise you're gonNA just stay in your own. I think this is what I'm supposed to do like Naievty Navy. Let me say that Word Day right. Yeah Yeah of just what you're supposed to be doing and I think more now so Just because I think we all have more accessibility to communicate with one. Another that comics that have a more experienced are little more willing to speak in for myself from what? I've gotten what I've done because you get a young comic that'll just set you up on twitter like any advice and you know you try to give them the you know Without having a stereotypical answer sure. Years is the same where it's just like control. You can control right get up find a you know. I always try to find something that is not just that like get a community of people that hanging out is not like incredibly essential but at least having people that you can not even bounce ideas off of but just kind of share the grind with so that you don't feel so alone because you can't really call your folks or siblings if you're having a bad night after set and have them make you feel better because they don't relate so it's like having somebody else in that world. I think is imperative. Yeah that's great advice. I usually just say write and perform as much as possible because I thoughtful as a mentor. But you could do that again. This is part of just being older. If there's cert like I already have enough things in my life at thirty seven where I'm like. Oh Am I am I thirty seven or am I trapped in the body of a three seven year old? But I'm actually twenty two but so you have to say things that sound more your age sometimes but it truly is like experiencing like the there have been times already in your You know you're very Successful career where you go. Wow I can't believe I you know did that piece of material or I took that Gig. I've done this to all build to this moment. Yeah yeah absolutely. I mean that's even just doing sets in La. I'm you do a show in La. Sometimes that's all it takes to give way to like a huge opportunity. You wouldn't have had otherwise and that's what we end up doing so many bad shows. 'cause you just never know when it's going to be the one and it's always been you don't expect it but that's the one there's some executive there who stare see someone else or is involved in the goes. Oh you'd be perfect for this part and then you get TV roller. It's like those stories are maybe sound cheesy and dumb and like this idealistic version. Hollywood but it kind of is like that out here like you just Kinda have to be around and keep showing up and doing the work and if you keep doing that things happen. Yeah how quickly did you get your wasn't with ABC? Right it was with you. Had A pilot deal with them right like pretty early. I wrote. Yeah we wrote a pilot for ABC. That didn't go which was a few years ago now. Two years ago now and that was coming out of J. F. L. Right for new faces. Yeah so do yeah. What does that do for you as far as like now do you? Do you look back and go man if I get when I get that. Now I've just seen and done so much. More had way more people might corner probably coach you through the XS and os of of what you can do differently at the at the end of the day. I think it's still you know what you're GonNa do and say and bring to the table. That's going to make something happen or not but but do you feel like you have a more openness to the people around you to guide you what what to do now versus then I think I had. I have pretty much the same people around me that I did then Obviously I've been with my agency longer at this point rose with my management team at that point as well and I feel like they've always given me pretty good advice and not let me stray and been pretty up front with me and don't bullshit me I think I just learned what I didn't WanNa make doing it. Because I think we made the best version of the show. They wanted as opposed to the best version of the show. We wanted because I went into those meetings not going. This is the show when I make I winning going. This is how I grew up is my life is my family. I am funny in their late. Cool WE WANNA make the show in your life. What show so I think now? I have a lot more clarity on what I want to do and projects. I want to be involved with. And what makes more sense for me personally and and I'm so glad that that showed didn't get made because if it had I would not have been headlining as much as I out last couple of years and I wouldn't have been in a place where I could have done a Netflix special. I just wouldn't have been ready or wouldn't have been as good and because that show didn't go did so much road work over the last few years and I home this hour was able to somehow pull off networks letting me speak for an hour so you know it's it's a stupid maybe privileged way of thinking but sometimes it. It really feels like Oh. That thing happened for a reason. Nothing did happen for a reason. I know on your podcast Self Helpless Delaney and Kelsey which is fantastic. You guys dive into a lot of stuff like that have you. Have you gained from doing a podcast? That more self awareness of just aspects of being a person and try and do I guess you know seek out self help type things or were you always someone that was like even on. Whitney's pod which was a great shadow isn't too I. I think you both are so like you know self aware and just wanting to be like the best version of yourself which I think is a great trait Whitney. I think is you know. Obviously got experience on your but just seems that she is you know really just got every like she says sometimes and quoted from a book or an article where I'm like. Oh you're really doing the work as far as knowing how every little thing that we do and why we do it and how we take and I get not turned off but like scare from some of that some time because I'm like I don't WanNa have and I want to be in the know of everything of why it happens like you know what I'm saying like it's almost like having all the answers or being at the Having a at my disposal like sometimes I just want to like live and learn you know and not have the breakdown of like going into this. Keep THIS IN MIND. They don't saying almost like Going into a morning interview for a press for radio and and and having them not set you up for bids but just getting Kinda wing it and have a conversation and trust that you're going to get through it. Yeah I mean here those about that I think people who are intellect. Self-help stuff or self improvement tend to gravitate towards it when they're going through that specific thing. Yep. I don't know that anybody at least I mean that that would be like if you read a book about breakups while you were in a honeymoon period of your relationship right. I know you were dipping dots and cool whip rice. I don't think I don't think that I'm I'm that level of like any of the podcast is made me Read things or watch things or research things or talkable that. Maybe I wouldn't have. Normally because Calcio Delaney is interested in them or we have a fan right in. Sydney would be interesting or we think it would be interesting to listeners. We learn more about it but there are things that don't is all of our lives. I mean we did a long distance relationship episode before any of us were in one and learned a lot and and were kind of just applying what we could as like. Were traveling comedians. Who were away from our partners for a lot of the time because he doesn't just discussing like if you were in one kind of yes and calcium. I travel all the time. So you're kinda part time long distance relationship as should've hit me up by the way I've been three really you got if you do. A part two was in Indonesia was in my basement and one was. I'm sorry bad jokes. Oh I'm sorry I didn't hear the second. Is You know but the basement. No not funny not true. We will keep that in but just hope that the public knows it was a joke. I talked over. I'm sorry everyone listening dollar fine. It was very funny Indonesia crush. Yeah Hey guys atom ray here for the about last night podcast. Hope you're enjoying the episode. Man It's good to be back and you know what the best part about being back sharing the goodies with you the fans. I love candles. Okay you know. From listening to this podcast. We've always had candles living around the apartment. Now my new place. And I'm tired of Bein. The bullshit candles from the store. I want some personal touch and went something handmade so that's why found hangover candle company. 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Back the episode. That's on me for opening with a with a comedy location. That okay so New York was one it was it was. La To the first one was was college so we came from both from Seattle. I went to USC she went to Santa Barbara. So we're like two hours away. What's why would we not try this? Because we were devastate. We met we probably start new until there forever but we started dating and of high school which was like December and an now. Come around June graduating. We're both on the quarter. I'm sorry this semester system for college. So we're both going down in in August and it was just like two hours away. Why not take a stab? Like that's crazy. She was going to have a car. There's a train from La to be. And I was able to borrow friends cars and whatnot did that for almost two and after years of college and then it was just like. She's like Yo next year. I'm either stand on here going back to Seattle and I'm like I am not like wasn't this I. I'm not getting married but I was. I was I was very sincere about it. But about needing at least a year of college to not even be single and promiscuous but which is great but but being able to do like my plays and be do some fraternity stuff which got minimized. Because of the acting school I was able to participate in as much stuff and just be around because I was leaving every other weekend to go up and see her and I was like a missing even a buddy who lives in. La Dodger game. Dad knows the owner. And I'm like I can't I'm going to Santa Barbara to do the same shit you know and it was like. I started really go. I'm missing out on this sucks and I'm GONNA look back at hate that so that stops then. She married my best friend from high school and and I made a cartoon about their marriage and their family got really upset. And it's a classic bizarre story so I did not know this loving every second of it really. Oh Yeah Hook Up. Yeah they hated it and then my friends who are still friends with them. We're getting down on me being like how could you how. We're still friends with them. How I was like is anyone WanNa take my side and this and also I never said I wasn't like I. My Buddy had asked me if he if it was okay. I was like I mean it's weird but I'm not gonNA you're grown man gonNA do like it's been a year. It's still kind of fresh like you know but like if this is do you know. And then he said man. There's only one you. There's a million girls only one atom ray ago. Well that was very that was really sweet and I feel like if that's how you feel then I guess I'll trust that it's not worth it. Whatever but again don't do anything on my and then I then I see him like weather and then they get married and I was like I cool now as a comedian. When I'm dealt a hand like that it's very specific. You GotTa Make Fun. I hadn't really quick way was to write a funny sketch. Have my buddy animated and put it online and I did that and they hated it so anyway was that how do I watch this? I'll give you her dad's phone number and he'll text to a link no it go to. That's the only communication I have with them. No it's just type in my name cartoon wedding speech I think okay. Oc Cartoon Wedding speech is probably but watch. There's like Oh you hit me back like there's a lot of these and there's a lot of them under your name so it's it which is weird one was then and of college same thing. Too Short to New York did that. For a couple of years reno to be a news reporter and then that ended and then L. A. to Seattle and for about three years and I always was like Manna might just not gonna be able to do one in the same place because I was like. What does it say about me but it? I enjoy what I enjoyed was able to. You know be focused on on career. And and and and distance makes the heart grow fonder and it was. I think love what I learned love. Gets you do about a year year and a half and then compromise does have to happen because there's no way the missing becomes too heavy the Fight start to you. Know develop out of nowhere from dumpings. The timing gets especially East Coast West Coast Girl New York before she went to Reno was working as a page at NBC. And She Working SNL parties. And she. At one point I gotta go. John stamos wants to talk to me. Click and I was like in my head. I was just like Lang Lang down like this. Just let playing out. John stamos penetrating my friend at the party while she's still holding the phone. I'm like I bet. He just came up right behind her. Put it right in and let him stay most. So it's you know you have to. I think at some point get on the getting the same place which is what I'm doing. Now which is way better. And how often did you see those people when I was the Down that was definitely the way you sip after. The question was very therapeutic therapy sick. Is that not true. Anybody ANYBODY NOT WATCHING. The video of this podcast. I am sipping tea and wearing a shawl and taking notes. I yet for not so much for the Santa Barbara. One so I was probably like every weekend but for the other two. How often were you seeing those people in a month? Seattle one was also family so I would try to double dip on that and go home once a month once every two months sometimes New York one in I was working at Universal Studios at the time I would just basically take my wolverine paychecks and cash them in for a jetblue ticket and because she she was nine to six or nine two seven Monday through Friday and Wolverine was a little more was a little little loose nervous schedule. Sometimes number two and number one wolverines could Could take my shifts. And yes if you do deductive reasoning. I was number three wolverine so I would go there. You know at least once a month which was a lot and sometimes every six to eight weeks and that just is like then I start getting like. Am I the only one having to do this? But then you're just like yeah just the wear and tear. Have you ever done long distance? Besides Sam Yeah I mean and what are unique situation. That is because that's like you got. I mean he kind of shared with me when he was on which is just really great and I don't know how much we have to rehash it but from your perspective like it's at A. How long were you dating before now before you? You're living together about six months in the enough it's like enough time. Then you could be solid but not enough time. It's like of course I'm GonNa stay with you. You know what I mean. Like right honeymoon period long distance as I'm sure you know you you kind of like you get closer and have serious conversations about your future so much faster than you would with a person who lives you know thirty minutes to an hour from you. I've never dated anybody who lives like ten minutes remain. Everyone dated has been like forty five minutes to an hour and a half away for me strategic though for me. I'm like two hours to Santa Barbara. That's not like that but yet I mean. La to New York. When we first started talking I was like this is a terrible idea like when are we going to see each other and once we decided to date. I mean it was. I started off thinking like okay. If we can see each other once a month. That'll be good for you. Know a good childhood three to five days and as you know I think we went like one two and a half week period where we didn't see each other and we were like this sucks like we can't do this and at first it was like okay. We can't go through weeks. That was too long. We can't do that again. And then it was like okay. We two weeks too long also and it's like all right ten days really pushing it and so- January February except for maybe like one week we had been either both of us coming back to La or both of US coming back to New York from the road like pretty much every week so we were seeing each other a lot. But I mean neither of us have ever seen anyone. We've dated this much. I've never spent a month straight with anybody I've dated. You know I mean. I'm sure you haven't either as a road. Median where you're traveling every weekend like walk. Mo- as New Territory Revenue Territory. When I live with my eggs he would travel with me sometimes but like for the most part I saw him. You know Sunday or Monday through Wednesday and then when seem the weekends unless he came with me to Chicago or Denver? Whatever so yet the and you know a lot of never been literally trapped in an apartment with somebody were dating or or even married to like. I was talking to Dustin Nickerson. Who's pleaded who we both friends with. I said like man like this is like two weeks and I'm like marriage is really hard and he goes. This is so harder than marriage is like there are no breaks. This is so much different than like fifteen years. So does he have kids. Yeah he's got three kids. Wow that's worse or better right now. Yeah I know one thing and then a wooden spot about wishing you had kids or she said she was like. Should I just get pregnant? I was like no. You can't yeah. The world is terrifying. Why would I bring more people into terrifying this? Oh definitely not surreal. I've definitely had thoughts like that though. I definitely thought about shaving. My head a couple of days ago. A lot of people Sam said Yeah Work. Is that a Jewish guy. We know it's a shame has looked like it was not a good look. That's that's not funny but Nikki Glaser tweet. Something like that to shave her head. I think a lot of people third say she didn't do it. That's crazy. No I don't think she would southbound that crosses a girl's mind does it like the data is really out of boredom out of here. Yeah would you ever do that? She'll yeah I would never shave my head because I look like Charlie Brown but I I would be cut short if I did. Go get cut by professional. I never cut my own hair short. That's a terrible idea. But if I go get a cut by someone who knows what they're doing right now and get it cut short just to see. I would probably do that right now. Since we've got a few months still let it grow out. Yeah Yeah I know it. Sign up few a few months. At least we are texting about this a little bit ago to when you were like. We're just sharing our own concerns for what's happening and I didn't really think of it as a possibility until I think you said and I'm GonNa paraphrase but it was something like I don't know if you said like if standup comes back or wet like if we're going to have careers when this is over and I was just tipsy enough to go. 'cause happen you know like like. I hadn't really put that down as an option but which that's crazy but I know you were joking but also kind of being like well. There's so much uncertainty that nobody. Nobody knows. That's what's really crazy is that you know whether it's media or scientists or anyone in the government that you look for an answer. It's like there's no. I think I heard Rogaine and say this. He's like you just don't. There's no timetable off. Talked doctor friends that are like or people in the NBA. That are like saying maybe this but we don't because we don't know Xyz we can't even start talking about a bnp you know that's another thing but you get what. I'm trying to lay down something about like understanding having a timetable to where you can predict any sort of you know idea when normalcy will resume do you. What what are you most about standup off my God. I mean all of it. I mean we've been at home just going. You Miss Airports. I Miss Airports like Shit. You never missed like all the shitty parts about doing standup like the travel and whatnot. I would kill to eat at an airport chilies very now. God You love to get a sandwich. That's past its due date from woking dispensary shelf and that's not even Wolfgang Puck. It's like it's like a food to go mart but it's a Wolfgang Post Sandwich that somebody put there because they decided they didn't want it and you're like I know since two weeks old I'm GonNa roll the dice because I'm going to Pittsburgh and on board kiosk I even missed the cheesy flight attendant fight attendants. That'll take a stab at a real a real silly announcement. You heard a good one ever no. I've never heard a good one. My same ones. Or when they get passive aggressive with passengers were boarding too slowly. Oh we would love to leave right now but you guys get on the plane and get your things. Have you heard those when you're the baird delayed and they're like kind of blaming you can get on really quickly? We'd like to leave on time. And you're like we've just been fucking standing here right. Yeah but you kind of find or like when People Get up to pee too soon which is usually me. And they do announcement where they go the sound. The steeples is still so as you're walking down the aisle. She's like it's on right now. So when you go into that you're GONNA go. You're going to go into the door. You'RE GONNA entries in so while she's in there. Let's at this. Be a lesson to everyone. You're narrating P Have you ever been one upped in a southwest line And I know you got a netflix special. Now southwest is probably a thing of the past but but You know a quick as vegas flight. Have you Have you been a part of a southwest? You know where you're maybe group. B. and your Number forty four. Someone's kind of lurking behind you. And they're they're forty and they're They're coming up behind you and everyone's boarding and it's as the lines moving and they just come up. What are you actually? Let me even save forty two in your forty two spots and we're all getting on and they come up as you're going there just like slip right in front of you. If you have that happen it depends where you're at if we're a one through thirty and you. WanNa get on before me your fifteen. I'm twenty whatever again in front of me. I don't care honestly if I'm in the first thirty on a southwest flight. I just get in the back because it doesn't matter we're all still getting too busy to even if I in priming the first fifty fifty I feel say if you get into like be territory every spot counts and put an number you forty one forty. Get on my way back. Once you're into the bees that could be the between a window seat and a middle. It's hunger games. Southwest style when you are in Group B or C. It's literally like I mean I saw somebody pulled out a switchblade once to that is yeah. I've I've I've been nudged by people before to To go in line when I've been just kind of like dilly-dallying or spacing out on my phone what did you fly to Aspen? When we went there is that we were just maybe Delta. I can't remember what I slough because it was probably Delta but there were no good options to get to Aspen or get out of that I know and you and I both were kind of waiting until the last chance to get their not. Get their super early. Becky rob obviously has a history of Aspen and was doing I think a few more Part of more festivities but I didn't realize it was so much other should do other than what we're doing. And then I see you posted video of snow dog racing with the cast of snow. Dogs starring Kiefer gooding junior and I was like when did she finds time for this and then I realize oh yeah. There's a whole day before the show. How that have a lot of time my manager is from Colorado and had done it before and she was like. It's the best thing I've done my treat. We're going so she took me another. I occurs dusty sleigh. Was there well. And we all went dog sledding and it was crazy it was really fun although I will say the videos you saw dogs take this downhill and the way back was all up hill and those dogs had to stop every thirty seconds to rest when which was very tricky for me. Oh Yeah as being overweight child. I was like businesses that just get out and walk next to the dogs like spills like anytime a boyfriend. His tried to pick me up earns. Like please don't do it like I'm sorry please. You're GONNA hurt yourself. I didn't realize how many steps that we're leading up to this Red Robin this is on me. It would have been a great video of you could have somehow finagled a switcheroo with you guys in the dog with the harnesses and everything and the dogs. Just chilling in your seats. Oh that's funny. I don't know how to pull that off but I think you could have because you obviously have an eye for content as seen in your Your now variety approved Corey town series. Just when you think variety's got no time to do write ups during a pandemic they don't stop for nothing though. Say I think all anybody has to write about is the pandemic and so writing the bow entertainers entertaining during the pandemic is. I've seen so many articles about that. I think people are really like desperate to write articles like shining a light of laughter in the darkness. These are these. Comedians are dealing with the pending. You've seen so many of those so I mean you know and that is what we're all doing. I feel like we're all just trying to get around elephant. Oh what what do you love about doing? Sam was saying it happened pretty organically as far as like you know the amount of joking you guys are doing and try to you. Know obviously be thinking of ways to be creative during this time. And then how can you? You Know Not. Just waste your downtime and also take advantage of like year report and people digging seeing you guys. It's it's all mixed up into like a you know a good recipe for For good show is Is something that you guys think you'll do like as long as goes or do you think you're going to hit a point and go all right. Let's find another quoting the movie. Podcast obviously coming out of that too so those seemed like two good things to keep you busy. Yeah I mean the sketch series is like who knows. I mean at the end of the day. Those are really just relationship jokes. They're like little relationship vignettes As as one interviewer described it back to manage that makes them sound fancy So I don't know I mean those definitely won't survive past this quarantine for sure The movie podcast can be something we continue to do. I mean I feel like throughout every relationship your hand. You're always showing each other movies. That'd be the person hasn't seen yet. You're like this is really important to me growing up early this really big for me or like. I love this movie and it's not love it. It's fine but it means a lot and it's hard. It's been hard for me to find movies to show him because seen everything right so like my picks are GonNa seem pretty basic and like probably pretty lame in comparison to hit as Goodfellas in Chinatown on like we're watching Harry Potter told me boy. What is he not seen everything good? I'd like he's seen Ra right. He said you showed them singing in the rain. Which I really appreciate. I did trump singing in the rain. That's what a night that was my realize he hadn't seen singing in the rain yet. The amount of choreography in one shot. I mean it's like gene. Kelly I mean I know he gets his due credit but like I don't know does he. Like why are we not talking about him every day and every time somebody does jump? Kick RETURN AREN'T WE. Why don't we call the Kelly Kelly? I don't know you know. This is Improv. Tough Taylor but I think there's something to be said about like those movies and how they paved the way for it. Also don't do a lot of land is got a lot of that fun stuff. But it's like man. They didn't do that shit in one shot like that. La La land is trash compared to sing and I. I'm like Lala Land. I think it's sweet and fun and to me is a two like I'm always curious 'cause I enjoyed it but definitely I'm always curious from a girl's perspective. Are you like you're tugging too hard like just do one little Lou? How Light Pole? I know it's good. I love that they don't they don't end up together and it's such a a dig that that's such an important relationship to have as an artist with another great person who also has dreams but it's doomed and it's not workout and it's just A. It's just a moment in time of your life and I think I think a lot of people even artistic people have that I mean it's it's relatable to so many different people who had that person like in college or whatever who your lifestyle we're just not going to sync up but you learned a lot from each other and I just love that they didn't end up together. I thought it was great. Do you think the level land kept gosling Emma stone apart in the movie just so the girls watching could go Ryan gosling still single girls on because he's not he's married to Eva Eva Longoria right. I didn't see a ring. No yeah he was yeah. He was married in real life for the movie in in real life. I think he's married. Oh yeah but I'm talking about for sake of the movie like if you can like it doesn't it so you could walk out of the theater being like. I don't know I'm always curious. What's going on the head of a ROM COM writer? Like how much because you know. Look we got lifetime cheese hallmark. I Dunno dishes for Alina Hallmark Movie Christmas movie and my girlfriend was like I've never been more excited for any of your opportunities And I was like yeah I guess do like play pretty well. During whether it's a holiday season I dunno divorce season. But you'd be calm and I'm sure people I am. I Bet I'm not the first person to say that how many people have told you that love to be around Com. We've been talking about that since we've been quiet. I mean that's the thing is to create a people trapped together. We're like what else can we do? We're like right a ROM COM for ourselves. I guess just literally at the wall. I'm sure your reps to write or like this time. This is the time to get a cartoon going you know. Come up with a new salsa something. That's our reps doing that. They like sending you suggestions a little bit. You know my man did push me get on Tick Tock once. I got with them and I was like. Wow this is your big big move but It's a mind into by the way did it for him and I you know I think I do a good job of being like self sufficient and if anything I think it's too. There's always my problem which to many things that I'm trying to be like. Let's make all these like take one psycho. Yeah but then and then. I think I've gotten good like narrowing down that. I'm not just sending twenty log lines. It's like hey here's a fully produced pilot Silva I spent six months on him put on my money in. And then here's something that is just a you know something from every world of it. Here's just a trailer. Here's just a doubt. Here's which one of these can and then it's always what which one of the most passionate about But I do think that if you're not trying to create during this time or do anything I don't know how you're surviving because I mean you know I would love to speak to this You talked a little bit about on. Whitney's pod about just like you know anxiety and depression and this I feel like is you know probably hitting people hardaway that you could never even try to anticipate for because look we. All you know can get good especially in the comedy world being by ourselves. People that don't do. This can find ways. I have friends at work from home. That have a routine and are pretty happy. Just doing their thing. They have a handful of friends in their network and they kind of see but now is very tough because it's just them and there's not that extra give and take with somebody live but you know I have days where I am like. Get on something. Because I'm so I get Kinda weighted down from all this but then I try to not have a pity party and find a way go. Well what do you not doing to get out of it? But then sometimes even whatever I find creatively to to fill that void isn't fulfilling it like I want it to or just and then I'll go I'll if I could get on a stage or if I could go if I could drive to a drive to audition you know what I'm saying versus just doing it all and in one spot and then try to meet that with. Okay I could also be you know wondering if my family member's GonNa get through the night because the ventilators are running low so it's like yeah perspective probe your problems matter but you know how do you how do you and. I know you spoke to because I'm always curious because I you know shit like maybe I should get fucking something to boost my my mood and and you spoke about a few things that you got on that really helped. Can you tell me about that? Yeah I mean I can tell you. I'm on medication and I feel very depressed right now. I feel like this situation is Is Not a good indicator of whether or not you need into depressants or stabilisers would be my. That would be my guess. I mean I'm not a doctor so I don't know Oh it says below your. I don't know if that's zoom the put that up but it says Dr Tomlinson was for credibility ambient is there. I'm really glad I got on something on meds. Oh yeah I'd take a mood stabilizer. I think it's technically. I don't think it's technically antidepressant. It might be. I think it's a mood stabilizer for people that had bad side. Thanks antidepressants which was my experience. But I take every night and then I also Have like as needed medication that I take for insomnia. I have something for Pan like Australian diety like. It's it's helpful to have those things like tools but even those besides besides the Antidepressant or mood stabilizer that I take at night everything else is on like an as needed basis and I try to only take that stuff when it's like there is no other option. You know what I mean like okay. You went for a walk You got some fresh air and sunlight on your face you exercise. You even really healthy had enough water. You talked to someone Who loves you? You did something productively once. I've gone through the checklist of all those things. That's when I go okay. Maybe time for content or or maybe time to take an edible or something you know like. I think I think it's important to kind of not not at least for being. I shouldn't be urban but for me during this time I'm trying not to self medicate too much To the point where I stop being productive. Because they don't want to lean on anything To keep keep myself okay But at the same time I'm very grateful and lucky that I have those resources When things do get bad because you know I mean this is insane like we're all like depressed and anxious and mourning the loss of our entire lives. I mean you know as a stand up even even when you're not making money as a stand up comedian when you're just starting out you're able to perform every night you know you're able to feel like you're getting closer to that and so this world grounded it's like this is the first time I've been like oh I'm unemployed and there's nothing I can do about it and everybody's unemployed and we're afraid of catching this disease or other people getting it in dying it's a yeah there's no. I don't think there's any like you said there's no knowing what's going to happen. There's no rulebook so whatever you need to do to be okay during this time. I support you any different for me personally. I have just been trying to try every possible thing before maybe I dip into anxiety medication or weed or whatever I'd like you said edibles I don't know you were fucking with that. That's a good yeah. I really bad nightmares when I don't take an edible so I've been taking I'm taking an edible for last few years at night to go to sleep is THC inhibits streaming. Career Related Nightmares Cartoon relating nightmares. Yeah everything I mean. The career related nightmares are fine. I can deal with those Like walking onstage. Getting your act or or like somebody trying to dream a dream that I'm in like a play and I need to do you. Oh Yeah and I. I have a friend WHO's very into like analyzing that stuff so she gave me a pretty straight answer but then sometimes it's not the answer. I want to hear she'll try to you know. Tell me what I should do it on my he actually. Maybe you don't know what you're talking about. I'm like all the lines to the play and then I went outside and my car wasn't there she's like you're not prepared for what's coming all right. You know what I'm I don't think call us a good idea. You just seem to be take me. Take me down a dark path but yeah that play one is very real or or. I had one probably a month ago where it was doing a play. That didn't high school and I went in and it was. Everyone acts like tea. Time had passed. It was almost like I was going back to do it like now but I. I couldn't find my wardrobe so went out in street clothes and then I was like fuck. I need to quickly go through the whole script my scenes next and I don't know the dialogue improvise. Everyone's GonNa look at me like you know and then that happened and then I woke up and it was really. It was crazy like the amount of anxiety from not knowing what the tin man is going to say next to the cowardly lion and the wiz. That was the fact that I was just GonNa improvising back. Hey My my heart's actually fine. Let's look at it. We gotta go ause. I'm feel pretty good Nobody gave me a script and I'm about to go on. Whoa where's that's way worse? I just need to look at a script. Yeah nobody will get me one and I had to go. It's like it's so weird but yet no the nightmares that early to better like dreams about you know people you know. I was dating like becoming different people. Learn lying to me or fucking with me and Drinks or people my Stanley died or disappeared or dreams where I was being attacked and like the hotel room I fell asleep in on the roads and and that will not be able to tell as dream or not lucid dream a few times and couldn't wake myself up so I was trapped in the dream going knowing. I'm dreaming trying to prove to people in my dream that I was dreaming. And nobody would believe me. We've got the opening scene to a ROM COM. Wait a SEC. That's terrifying. Yeah it's really scary. So if you have a dream about a guy in a hotel at the front desk attacking you how weird that when you walk down in your like. Can I Toothpaste and he's like. Are you now analyzing everything he says and does Super Weird? Yeah is really creepy. And you you when you wake up in the night and you're to sleep deprived. Who's been traveling? You had this horrifying very vivid nightmare. There's Party Brandon. Goes 'EM BY? Is it still happening like am? I Still Dreaming Am I. You know is another part of it because I also have dreams euless terrible dreams where you keep waking up within the dream and going. I was dreaming like literally an inception Joseph Gordon Levitt right. Yeah off boy. That is does the. We'd give you any fun dreams. Does it kind of take away and provide some extra adventures? No no if I if I take enough I had to up the dose as I've obviously gotten used to have but if I take enough I won't dream at all. Which is that no dreams? Yeah 'cause if I even if I don't hear you're keeping them in your heart and that's how the bomb come ends was like well. So Am I not supposed to have any dreams? You go all the dreams you want. Gabe whatever here could cut. What's up? Well you'RE A. You're such a breath of fresh air and you're always smiling. I feel like even as as awful as these times can be and I appreciate that because and a lot of people do you know I see it in the in the stuff that you post. People are just like so grateful. You're you know I don't know how much is actually keeping some people going to live the way that some people will Or comment on but like man. It is you know. Comedy is always a great distraction for the real troubles that life can provide an and you seem to be like super active in in doing that and making sure that people have stuff and the amount of people that are going back to watch your special I think one thing you reposted About somebody watching for the third time and they they got on a podcast yours and they watch something else they were kind of doing like a deep dive which If you arrested would be your I think your move for sure the deep dive and that was really cool that they're just like now. I'm just consuming everything Taylor because you know. That's also a cool about being in your spot where it's like being on this upswing with all these cool things that people people love to discover new comics to like and getting on board before things really exploded and And you're you're doing that and you're so like interactive with people and sweet and and not jaded so keep trying. I got plenty of time to interact right now. Yeah virtually did a before. This are you just like I almost like. There's you could truly just do. I mean the amount of people are hitting me up sometimes. Just come to seven minutes on a zoom shaw like if I do all the zoom stand up shows it's GonNa make me a bad comic done. Stand up job done a few and and I think I probably going to a few more. I don't know how many more after that I know. Some people are truly trying to find a way to monetize it and doing it but I mean and look at that part I get and I. I don't want to turn myself off from that but wasn't great and there were some notes from the person was running it because some of the best parts were the guy was doing on the people that ran the business and this forty square thing and and I was really laying into this guy who had like a weird statue of like. I kept saying it looked like a hamster with wings and he was killed when I was twelve. I was things not to say on zoom in front of strangers. And he's I. I run the company as like. I don't give a shit dude. You're screens going. Like everybody was loving it and it was fun but but then I got some notes after about certain bits and I was like you know like people love to especially not no corporate things. Some of them have been very pleasant but more often than not a corporate where people are like. They enjoyed be like. I know we heard you but I think I know what I I know. What's going to work and you're like no you don't but I will listen version. I know but I don't know it's the timing of it. The audio off it was all whack us that we're a lot so if I'm using that to describe it fact lack if I'm not an escape board gang fight in a parking lot of gymnasium in Nineteen ninety-six then you know that the zoom show is is not what you want your career to end up like but I don't know it was. It was again. I'm always down to like think you probably the same way right like you're going to if something scares me a little bit like well let me jump in. I don't WanNa not ever feel like I'm above or or T- scared to unless it was one of your Your your nightmares than which this could have been. You know but I know you're GONNA do any. I don't know I don't think so. They don't appeal to me at all found but after another Monto knows I I would really rather not if I can help it. Yeah well I will by the way cut to you to another variety right up. Zoom Comic Taylor Tomlin says Tomlinson says I never thought I. I'd stoop to this. We're still working on the article. But it's boy she's doing zoom show now comedian. Says she's never going back there. It is she's never going back to real life damn well nobody can get back to. Its own hope we get to see you guys live in the flesh. Thanks for doing this and quarter life. Crisis IS THE AMAZING. That special that people are really watching. Because it's that good and Self helpless the podcast which you know the gals are pump. That you're able to be a part of that more so which is very cool and instagram. Thomas and comedy tailored Donaldson Tomlinson. And that's where we can get at. This is important to me. That is the movie podcast. I'm going to jump into that because I I as of last year jumped into like movie pods and and There's one on the ringer network called the where they you know rewatch things and discuss. But they're all knock comics so when you guys posted that I was like yeah. That's the one like that's what you do with actual like. He posted a little clip from one with perspective. About what was it? You can remind me we didn't Austin powers but the audio was so bad so we. That was like a little teaser. I guess that we ended up taking down. 'cause we just couldn't we botched the audio and just didn't sound very good and we're like the first episode that people are fine So Yeah we've got goodfellas singing her rain and a back to school up right now if I can make some suggestions patch adams the muppet. Oh movie haven't seen it. No I've seen a bunch of movies and I maybe need to make him watch him up but movie Monday. He'll probably wouldn't make you watch Eddie with Whoopi Goldberg. Where she wins. A contest and coaches the Knicks. Ask Him about that. He has talked to that of course down so bad much. Yeah it's your even now. Yeah all right. Well you're the best. Thanks for doing this and enjoy the rest of your day. What are you going to do as yeah drew the rest of Your Day Hope? It goes by fast. I mean you're the best but thank you so about.

La netflix New York Disney Sam Seattle aspen NBA Santa Barbara Whitney Taylor Dan Disney mood stabilizer Bambi Candle Co Indonesia John stamos chester chipmunk Pixar costco
GUI Pre-Cap Week of 3-02-20

Geeks Under the Influence

06:01 min | 5 months ago

GUI Pre-Cap Week of 3-02-20

"Hello everyone and welcome it. Is the team recap. Things are going to have happened offering the week of March second twenty twenty before my name is Bruce and let's start with a Gui pick of the week. I'm going with on word. It's a story of two brothers embarking on a quest to discover. They're still magic out there in a suburban fantasy world and trying to bring their father back for at least one day This is from Pixar so I think it this is going to be a good time without question for TV pages on Monday. Fx Has the premiere of breeders. Tuesday The three major networks are all doing super Tuesday coverage But I D- does have the premiere of reasonable doubt for Wednesday. Abc Has Volcano. Live with Nick. Luanda that's live. So if he falls into thing you could see him happened You have F x x has the premiere of Dave further Thursday Tru. Tv has finale of impractical Jokers. Fx Has the premiere of better things. F X acts as the premiere of cake. We has the finale of growing hip hop and ide- has my murder story premier Friday. Fx Has the most dangerous animal of all premier. First Saturday Fox has boxing live and HBO has the Premiere of yesterday. First Sunday Nat. Go has the premiere of extreme rescues for box office results. In fifth place you have bad boys for life fourth-place my hero academia heroes rising third place call of the Wild second-place sonic the hedgehog and in first place making a very respectable twenty nine million dollars. Is the invisible man for movies coming out this week Emma is the latest adaptation of Jane Austen Novel About Love and Romance. You also have the way back. This is sports drama about a former basketball fee nom named Jack who struggling with alcoholism in a tragic loss who was offered a coaching job as Alma. Mater starring Ben Affleck and again you also have onward for. Dvd's you have queen and slim. Dark waters and Playmobil. The movie for On Line Services. Netflix has Taylor Tomlinson quarter life crisis. You have ugly Delicious Season Two and Spencer confidential who has hillary and prime has zero zero zero season one for video games you have grand blue fantasy versus that's for the PS four murder by numbers. Which is for the switch in the P. C. and you also have pokemon mystery dungeon. Dx for the switch and all I can imagine his peak at you in a gas mask. That's just me sorry about that for Gui News. We WanNa thank everyone that came so is So the Gui crew at Galaxy Con. Last weekend we had a blast talking to an entertaining. You hopefully We can't Doodo again next year for one more thing. Marvel comics is already home to of the most iconic superhero characters of the world. And they're about to add a new huge name to their ranks. Marvel has revealed that new ongoing series featuring the Japanese hero ultraman will debut later in twenty twenty as revealed at Marvel Comics. Next big thing pal at C two e to the new ultraman series is going to be titled. The rise of Alterman which will be co written by Kyle Higgins and Matt. Groom with the art done by Francesco. Mana The comic appears to be a full reboot of the ultra series one aimed at introducing a new generation of Western readers to the ultra man and the giant robot giant hero genre as well as exploring the character's iconic heroic ideals holding up with an uncertain world of twenty twenty for those of us who aren't familiar with the ultra series and ultraman It is a series of a few dozen different. Tv shows movies and specials about a technically advanced CB similar to humans that can become giant robotic creatures For short periods of time. It is one of the most successful and profitable properties in Japanese history This is a huge get for marvel They have not released their release date. Yet of the rise of Alterman one but We'll get more announcements in the near future are at this has been the G. Y. pre-cap you follow along with all of the Fun Times at Gui podcast. Dot Com. If you WANNA contact email us gigs under the influence at gmail.com. Call US Lebeau voicemail. It's eighty four five zero five forty four eighty four. That's eight hundred four five. Oh five four G. Y. My name is Bruce. Of course all of these things happen. I'm from the future and be nice to each other. Gui PODCAST DOT COM Our next booze cruise live event is coming back to the dark room on the eighth of March. So put on your drinking pants and come on out to check out. Richmond's premiere drinking podcasts. Live booze clues. Quote UNQUOTE INVESTIGATES. The world's most spirited headlines using investigators from around the Richmond area including comedians performers and podcasters. Come get sleuth faced with us at Twentieth Eighteen. West broad street on the second floor of the hall of Famer building in the dark room in Richmond. Virginia doors seven starts at eight o'clock sharp. That's March eighth in the hall of Famer building on the second floor in the dark room for booze clues live.

Marvel Comics Bruce Alterman murder Richmond Nick Luanda Pixar Ben Affleck Virginia Netflix Twentieth Eighteen HBO Galaxy Con basketball Emma Fox Taylor Tomlinson
Taylor Tomlinson's Virginity

Good One: A Podcast About Jokes

1:10:50 hr | 4 months ago

Taylor Tomlinson's Virginity

"Hiring used to be hard multiple job sites stocks of resumes Confusing Review Process. But today you only have to go to one place. To get it done ziprecruiter dot com slash vox ziprecruiter skins thousands of resumes defined the people with the right skills and experiences for your job and then actively invites them to apply saving you time and finding you the just right person for the job to try Ziprecruiter for free. My listeners can go to ziprecruiter dot com slash box. That's ZIPRECRUITER DOT com slash. V O x ziprecruiter dot com slash. Box ziprecruiter the smartest way to hire T. mobile's the first and only wireless company tougher nationwide five G. covering over two hundred million Americans and counting. That's right it's not just five gene. Select PARTS OF SELECT CITIES. T. mobile nationwide five G. covers over five thousand cities and towns. And that's just the beginning. Indoor outdoor no signal goes farther or is more reliable than mobile's five G. Find out more about the first largest an only nationwide five G. Network at T. MOBILE DOT com. That's the DASH mobile dot com capable device acquired coverage not available in some areas. Downlink only some uses may require certain plan or features. Ct DASH MOBILE DOT COM. Hello this is good one podcast about Jews. I'm your host vulture senior editor. Jesse David Fox each episode. I have a comedian. Come on to play a clip of one of their bits and discuss how they wrote it and how fits to what they're trying to do with their comedy this week. Our guest is Taylor. Tomlinson arising comedian. Who just released her first Netflix. Our special quarter life crisis and an age so young it must be uttered in hushed tones. Twenty six twenty six. It really is incredibly rare for community to get to this level so young as a result we tend to know the names of wounded kipnes be at Davidson Burnham Eddie Murphy so how to tailor get here growing up super religion California. The eldest of four daughters Taylor started in comedy while in high school when her father had the idea of taking a stand up class together at a local church. She jokes that he probably thought she'd be able to write material for him. However it was Taylor who had a knack for being on stage. Chew so good. She was soon touring the Christian comedy circuit. Which is a real thing where she had to perform an act so clean it would make Ned Flanders look like Bart Franken Simpson again. At this point. She is still in high school. She started college but dropped out fairly quickly issue starting to get work performing at colleges just when she thought she was out of churches they pulled her back in at twenty one. She was a finalist on. Nbc's last comic standing where the show's producers somewhat against her will position her as a church. Comedian this result in a new slew. Church gigs until she couldn't take it anymore. She became a regular old touring secular club. Comedian headlining major clubs and soon playing theaters in some markets on two thousand seventeen she performed on Conan for the first time. Become one of the COMEDIANS CONAN has since fully embraced having her join him on live dates in two thousand eighteen. She chose to fifteen minutes set on net flicks comedy lineup instead of a comedy. Central half hour once so. Well that when Taylor sent Netflix tape trying to get a thirty minute special on the streamer the offer full hour. I can see why there. There's an undeniable quality to Taylor who tells jokes with clear hard punch lines. The Tokyo talked about former Netflix. Our shook his journey and growth as she tells the story of finally trying to lose her virginity. I say trying as she does not succeed. Now here is Taylor Tomlinson. First Time I tried to lose my virginity I missed having everybody else in here not physically. I wasn't stupid. It wasn't like it was like trying to put a strong Capri Sun. What happened was I was waiting until marriage until Jesus came back. So I'm like my dad like him and I waited waited waited and then finally. I tried to lose it to my boyfriend in college. Who said no? Thank you Which was a bit of a curveball? Nobody nobody told me to expect sexual rejection as a woman. Nobody prepares you for the time you start walking as a little girl. They're like. Hey everybody wants in there. You gotTa build a perimeter and keep everyone out. I was so busy trying to keep people out of me. I never thought I'd have to talk someone into me. Men Take Sexual rejection much easier. Because they're prepared for it from the time they start walking. They're like Hey Brent your little creepy maybe keep an eye on that. You're going to need to get consent. Which is a noise. She makes not a feeling you feel but because men are prepared for it. They bounced back real quick. They walk around like vacuum salesman. Just like there's another house over here. My boyfriend was nervous to have sex with a virgin and I was like well. The good news. Is You only have to do it once? And then guess what problem solve. I felt like high school or trying to get a job at the gap just like oh well. We really want someone with retail experiences like well. How am I supposed to get some unless someone takes a chance on me? I was literally told by somebody. They getting rid of virginity as a woman was going to be like handing out free samples at a Costco and instead I felt like one of those guys on the Vegas Strip trying to hand you a nightclub flyer no come on in fun. There's lights it's Kinda damp. Get in here. They say women always go for men like their fathers so I keep going for guys who do not want to sleep with me. That is so like my dad. No reason to be offended that jokes. About what a great dad. My Dad is I lost my virginity late. I lost it when I was financially independent. Yeah I went through my bank statements like I could afford to have a Dickin- me like so responsible. All my other friends lost it under a backstreet boys poster in their mom's house and I lost it under a Nike a painting that I purchased with a coupon. I'm glad I was raised that way because it taught me how to chew sexual partners in a very responsible way okay because when I was younger and I was waiting I would tell guys. I'm not ready to have sex yet. Is that okay and anytime guys. Were really cool about that decision. That just made me want to have sex with them more because there is nothing hotter zone respecting your boundaries. Just like what? Take your pants off. Get over here. The hottest thing you can say to a girl is hey. We don't have to do anything now. We do is to do this as a sexually active adult. I pretend I'm not ready to have sex with someone new yet just to make sure they're a good person. I I call it the GOB stopper test I go. I'm not ready. Is that okay? He's like totally fine. No worries at all. And I'm like Charlie. My boy come inside my chocolate factory. It's I'm here with Taylor Thompson. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me big fan. Thank you so much feelings. Mutual special very good thing to talk about it so before we get to the joke. That is the the subject of the episode So the special comes out around ten years into you. Doing stand up We're GONNA talk about is not one you could have told for a variety of reasons when he started so. I wanted to set up with your journey about how you're able to get to the point where you're gonNa tell this joke so at sixteen. You took a stand up comedy class with your dad and it's taught by Christian comedian from there. You became a touring Christian comedian. The Ru- The result is for years in particular. Your formative years. Your relationship to stand up was intertwined with your relationship with your father and the Church I WanNa talk to you about the steps and the jokes. That allowed you to detangle that a bit. Who got. Yeah Um what is Great Question? The question so so so early on. Can you think of a joke or jokes that that he told that that eventually that that church booker's push back on yes. I remember the joke that made me quit doing churches So I was performing in clubs and occasionally churches as well Up until I was like twenty two sound like four years ago now and which is fairly recently and then once I got to that point I was I was kind of trying to phase out of it I had done last comic standing right after I turned twenty one and they had really wanted to present this narrative of like look. You're a church comedian. That's crazy the only one on the show and performed more colleges than I do in churches and I don't really WanNa be considered a church comedian and they were like totally totally will never do that. And then of course. That's what goes on Reality Television. Because that's the most interesting angle because they hadn't had that before But when I was when I was twenty two I had been opening for a very big church comedian. His road manager called me and was like. Hey so you tweeted something and it's funny. It's just like we. We have kids in our audience. And you know we all think you're great but it's just it's a different thing and we just need to be careful and protect our guy and all that and I was like yeah I totally understand and Of course felt shame in that. I've never been fired from anything so as like a good kid but as soon as that happened the joke ended up on my first late nights out on Conan a few years ago which was I'm a wild animal in bed way. More afraid of you than you are if me and that was enough to get me fired from a string of church dates and I just I don't ever WanNa feel this way again. I don't ever WanNa feel like I'm walking on eggshells or like. I've disappointed somebody or like I lied to somebody or misled them. Not even that they made me feel that way when they let me go or took me off those tour dates it was just some internal stuff probably from growing up so religious. I mean even now if I do a show where some of my jokes are too off color or dirty whatever for maybe an audience. It's a little older or a little more conservative. Depending on where I'm at in the country it really taps into that for me and I still feel that like dormant guilt and shame a little bit And then I just get upset that I still feel that way. So that was used sharing point for me and that was the point. I told you know my managers and agents like Hey I. I know you're GonNa get offers for me to do churches. I know it's good money. Just don't send them to me. I don't care how much it is like. Just don't send them to me. I can't do it I'M NOT WHAT THEY WANT. Because if you do churches you've got to be that all the time you have to be squeaky clean in clubs in like if you're GonNa do both you have to. I mean in your private life you do. Yeah I mean I have. I know people who Performing Churches that are like. Oh we can't post pictures of US drinking like you. You have to be so so careful and like that with like worrying about getting cancelled. Now it's like. How many ways can you lose your career honestly so then so you you mentioned the the two thousand seventeen the first CONAN set You Talk About Your Dad. A little bit in that Can you talk about the reaction g? He had to certain jokes You know I I ran it by him before I did the set and he was like. Yep that that's how I feel about things I'm good with it and then Specifically the gay marriage the gay marriage yes because my parents are more conservative and I had a joke about his beliefs on that and After it came out he was he was very proud for a couple of days and then he it upset. Him which I can understand It is different like seeing something on. Tv I suppose And I have a lot of jokes about him in the new special That I also ran past him before I filmed it and I tried to be really careful in the special about cushioning. Those jokes with like my dad's great and I love him and he made me who I am because I think everybody has those stories about their parents that everyone goes. Ooh yikes or like things they said do you or beliefs. They have that you don't agree with or aren't you know quite up to speed with today's woken s and and it doesn't mean that you're like my parents are bad people you're just poking fun at it. It's tough because I do try to be careful with that kind of stuff. I'm more careful now than maybe i. I used to be But I also feel like I feel like it really depends on what it is for example. There was a joke that I had in my our About my grandma that Iran pastor before I found the special she that was funny and then a few days later she was like actually could you not and I was like it's gone cut totally. It's not worth it But that was like a personal story about herself that she told me that I was making a joke about whereas everything that I say about my parents it was. It's things that they said to me or things that directly affected me or I'm saying something positive about them usually And then so. What about jokes? That they don't approve. Aren't about you in your two thousand eighteen. The Comedy Lineup fifteen minutes. You did I believe you said your parents stop talking for week or they didn't talk to you for it's just. They went real quiet for about a week because they had come to New York to see me on the tonight. Show the week before that came out and that was like you know that's nitro super clean. It's great they love it Jimmy Fallon through there But then the fifteen came out and I. I thought they had watched it. But they didn't say anything about it and then I just didn't hear from them for like a week and I called them like a week later and was like hey well as you say it. And they were like. Yeah we sat and I was like okay which again I totally get like. I'm I'm not really their cup of tea you anymore. Like it's it's 'cause I know. They think it's cool what I'm doing and I'm sure they are proud. But they also Have THEIR OWN MORALS AND BELIEFS? And and there are they don't they. Don't WANNA watch anyone till sex jokes let alone their daughter. You know what I mean like I get it they They felt as though you're pandering or by cursing your trying to be part of the club. That was kind of the thing. Yeah they made a comment like that. It just seems like because they just see me do this squeaky-clean set so their mind and they hadn't seen me do stand up live for years. They had the last time they'd seen me. I had been. I was opening for Brian. Regan you know when I was like twenty one so they hadn't seen me in a few years and I kind of told them like okay. Just you know like I now and I'm not totally clean anymore and the company line upset isn't even really that bad. I mean I swear maybe twice But I do have some some join about condoms condoms. That he wanted didn't love it didn't love it and I get special this special. I was like you guys do not need to watch it. I don't know if they're going to but I just like you're not gonna like it. It's okay it doesn't hurt my feelings You Know I. If it weren't me I wouldn't go. You'd really love this Gal. You know like it's fine. I told them I'm doing the tonight. Show tomorrow so you guys can watch that. That was kind of the thing. But it's funny because like my grandparents watched the fifteen and they loved it and I don't know if there's enough separation there like you're far enough away that we Doesn't act the same way. Yeah it doesn't it doesn't implicate them in the same way But I think I'm a pretty I think I'm a pretty responsible person comparatively. I would like this thing. You're like I say to us and I I do all these jokes in this one about being absent for a long time and like a sleeping with a lot of people and just like I'm like I'm right there though like there's still party that wants your parents to go. You're pretty good like you. You got close. Which is so silly since I know you're a fan of the artist's way. Julia Cameron Seminal Book from the early. Ninety dollars gave people tips and techniques. Help gain confidence and pursuing creative endeavors. I asked to summarize the book. No my producers mad that I then said this is just so funny to read a direct anyway so thinking about quote about Not Calling the inability to start laziness by calling it fear and so common rights most frequently. It's a fear of abandonment. This fear has roots in childhood reality. Most blocked artists tried to become artists against either their parents good wishes or their parents good judgment for youngster. That is quite a conflict to go squarely against your parents values. Means you better know what you're doing. You better not just be an artist. You better be a great artist for going to hurt your parents so much so I start drying. So what do you think about the quote by the time? You're working on the material as the special. Where have you settled on the idea of your relationship to your stand up as it relates to the Church and your family? I mean I love that Julia Cameron quote. I think it's a perfect. I remember reading that. The if you're going to disappoint your parents you'd better be a great artist. I feel that way every day I was talking to someone about it last night whereas like it's crazy that I still. It still makes me sad that they probably won't like it and then it'll be disappointed because of course. I never want to hurt them or upset them in any way But you also can't really be anything other than what you are and I think I tried to be that for a long time. I think I tried to be a clean Christian comedian for a few years longer than maybe I wanted to. And at a certain point I just thought there's so many things I want to talk about and want to make jokes about that. I can't in this space and also when I started doing stand up. I mean I hadn't even been to prom a let alone like I end done anything. I think I'd kissed one person when I was sixteen. Maybe that's not true that like I had I had barely dated at all. So of course it was easier to be cleaned and then once you start having more relationships and dating experience and sacks and whatnot and of course you want to talk about all those things and there's a reason people tell jokes about relationships dating because it's the most relatable thing to talk about is the thing we all have in common You can't tell jokes about being absent when you are a person who's dating and is not absent yet. By the way there were churches that would not let me tell jokes about being absent. I'm like I'm promoting the thing you like. But they wouldn't want you to even referred anything like that like if you're married and you have a family and stuff you can sometimes get away with a little innuendo in the church. Because everyone's like he's a good guy he's gotTa wire for four kids and whatever but as like a single who was nineteen. Nobody's GonNa be on board with that they're going to go you're leading people astray I told a joke once where I said I think I said stripper and it wasn't like a dirty joke. I remember somebody in the church was like every time you say that you are making men think of strippers in this is your faults in your your compromising their salvation and I was like this is come on guys. They sure they're all thinking about it anyway. but you know in in doing this special. I definitely knew that it was going to be a little bit of a turning point because everybody has net flicks and there are things that I've said on stage. That friends of mine have told me. That doesn't really sound like Your Voice. That's a little dirtier than I think. Your Voice is. It doesn't fit in with the rest of your material and those notes are always really helpful. Because I I do think you misrepresent yourself on stage sometimes But I felt like the hour that finally came together for quarter life crisis was totally representative of me and where I'm at and I wouldn't say that I'm religious anymore I you know I'm twenty six. So who knows who? I'm going to be in four years to be honest with you but I I wasn't putting it out like you'll never work a church again like that. Ship sailed awhile ago but a huge source of stress me was Upsetting my parents or upsetting my extended family Because you know they're all they're all conservative and and like and they're pretty cool. They're really cool. They're not like stuffy. I think they get it It was mostly just my parents to be honest. I mean even my extended family. That's more conservative is pretty open minded. I think So let's talk about the joke That brought you here today So in general. How do you write? What is writing material? Look like well when you first start out I. It's kind of just whenever jokes come to you because you can write about anything and you don't have any material yet and now that it's my full time job over the years. It has really become like I get up in the morning and make tea and sit down at a desk like I have an office at home or I go to a coffee shop. If I'm on the road I have trouble writing in hotel rooms for some reason by like some light activity around me. Some people watching You know we are always making notes on our phones. Comedians with ideas of topics or things to talk about or you know little trigger words of like things that happened from childhood or like stories from college or whatever Until something kind of sparks something else and then that branches out into hopefully another page of free writing and then you try it on stage about thirty percent of it. Best case scenario makes it into some sort of and then you're tape recording the sets and then you go back and rewrite from there So you alluded to this in the joke but you you lost your virginity while being a comedian yeah and so what is the process of then realizing and accepting that? Oh there's material in this well I mean the whole joke is that I try. I waited for a long time because I was a good Christian Gal and when I finally got to a place where I was I'm ready to have sex and I'm going to do it and I choose you and the guy who's like too nervous to take it very nice guy very happy. I dated him. Lovely lovely man But he he just like it was just too nervous because it was such a big deal and just like couldn't just couldn't go through with it and keep putting it off and I was like this is hilarious that you have waited so long. You're like the last one of all your friends and not only are you failing at being a clean virginal Christian. You can't even seal the deal and it's that you know that societal whatever gender stands thing of it's so unfair and whatever but it's the thing they tell you is like oh your girl you can sleep with whoever and it's like no you can't as it turns out Sometime and I've talked to women after shows were like this same thing happened to me. I tried and he said No. He wasn't into it and that's made me feel so much better. I mean so many jokes that I've written down on the road really thought were funny and it turns out. It was a little therapeutic for me because other people come up and make you feel way less weird we're like. I'm the only person that has ever happened to. That couldn't get someone to take my virginity and there's so many people who were like. Oh same thing. It's embarrassing you try to write material about it immediately or is the thing that took a few years brought it back up to be like now. The thing that I'm GonNa talk about onstage. I think I started talking about it after he and I broke up but while we were dating I was. I thought I would like I'm going to get it or you'RE GONNA get it. I'M GONNA YOU'RE GONNA take it And once we broke up I was kind of like that is hilarious that that that happened the way. It did You Lou to it where people that are related to. But what's what's interesting about watching you is partly because you were most meetings in the early twenty s are starting comedy. You're at this point already somewhat. Experience Comedian. So you get it. You're getting to watch a person talking about being in their twenty s while being in their twenties opposed to a comedian in their thirties. Being like Oh when I was in my twenties Blah Blah. Can you see the difference from what you're doing to comedian? Who's doing it from the perspective of someone who's like past that point in their life. Yeah absolutely because I think the most common perspective is people talking about seeing people in their twenties and going like. Hey Fuck you man like this. Your metabolism's really fast and you aren't paying all your bills yet. And you're you know you don't know that life's going to hit you in the face yet. Like all the all those perspectives. I've heard and as someone in their twenty S. I felt like no no. No I know that I suck and I know what's coming and I know that I'm not a fully formed human yet and so everything you guys are saying. I agree with and I still have to be here. You know what I mean like how everybody looks back on their twenties like oh I was so dumb. I would not go back for anything. I didn't know what was happening. I'm like imagine knowing all of that but you're in it. It's like realizing you're dreaming during a nightmare and not being able to wake yourself up. Which is the only type of lucid dreaming. I've done by the way it's terrifying 'cause I I'm working so hard on myself and then so much therapy and I still just do not feel like I've got it down. I don't feel like my decisions. Are the right ones a lot of the time? I don't feel like I know what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't even feel like I know what I want year to year. And as soon as I do know life hits me in the face so it really does feel like a waiting game where you're kind of like okay. I mean. Everyone keeps telling me thirties or better. I've had so many people tell me. When they turned thirty it was like a light bulb turned on and they were just them completely or I turned forty and everything was great and nobody ever says when I turned twenty. Five things really came together for me. So the section of the special comes after section we talk about dating bad dudes and And about how you specifically have a high sector. I'm you sort of go into it But you said this. The Section broadly as like. I know that makes me sound cooler than I am. I'm not that cool How did you sort of land on that framing? It wasn't even only that I wasn't fun. It was like I didn't even have any interest in partying. I was too scared to drink or do drugs or anything like I mean. My mom died when I was really young and she was pretty young and I not from drugs or anything but I think when that happens you kind of go all right. I'm not going to push it because I know bad things can happen when you're young too so I think I missed that bubble of invincibility that a lot of young people have particularly in college when you people look back and they go home man. I took so many risks so dumb almost died three times. I don't have any of those stories because I'm waking up every day like is today the day is today the day But Yeah I just I didn't. That was not my college experience. I was already doing. Stand up stand ups the most irresponsible thing I've ever done. Yeah that'd be honest like it's easy for you. Did it. In the most truly responsible way of like immediately as a job for Christians. Yeah well you know I I. I was able to full time. I think when I was twenty like it was fairly early and it was more so doing colleges than churches. That allowed me to do that. And you're right I I was. I was pretty responsible even in how I went about doing standup I remember thinking I what can I write about that? Other people aren't talking about and I thought what do I see everyone talking about in their twenties really when they make a show about being in your twenties like for example like I loved girls. Girls was amazing. Did I relate to a lot of it? No those were not my experiences. I'd never bathed with a friend of mine like I. I've never danced in with my roommate's like I even those things and those are like the tamest things like I didn't have any. Std's like I had never lost my leg. Which are all very relatable things but for me? Personally I was like I've never gone to a rave in Brooklyn like this is just not what I have so I was like okay. I I know there's more to mine there. As far as just like representing the people who are going. I don't WanNA get fucked up and go crazy. I don't feel this peer pressure to experience. Certain things I'm just trying to keep it together and I think a lot of people in their twenties right now are trying to do everything. People are trying to have that partying phase. Because you feel like you're supposed to or you actually just really want to and then there are also the side of you. That's like I got to be in the office tomorrow morning because if I don't kill it as this high powered career persons assistant I'll never be a high powered career person so I think it's never. There's never been a more a stressful time to be in your twenties and have have so much expected of you at once so You start this section with a joke. I grew up very religious. So a was encouraged abstain from drugs and alcohol and sex and enjoyment. Which you used in your your two thousand seventeen Conan set up a different APPS. Absence Joke some of the jokes. You told two thousand seventeen. We're only told they're like the one about how it was hard because if someone else missed their period they were pregnant. But if you did you're carrying the Messiah so that joke stayed there. Were others made into your comedy lineup. Set like the joke about how your wild animal I believe is in your company. Line upset Can you walk me through how your sets evolve how you thought about including which jokes wear high decided when to drop what part of that sort of imagined just fond of absence related material? Right there is a lot individual you know. I probably could've put that joke in the special I think I decided not to because that was a pretty old joke. I mean I wrote that joke when I was a teenager. I wrote that when I was doing church. I think I wrote it when I was like seventeen so when I did it on Conan I think even that was bringing it back after a while. where I just go. This is a good joke right. I stopped doing this. And when it when it got to be on cone and that sort of felt like great now that lives somewhere and especially with social media now you can cut up clips and put him on your instagram and twitter and whatnot But then other jokes were newer and I still liked telling them and they fit in with chunks in the special and and even newer jokes that I was doing then. There's a lot of it that didn't make it in because you know whatever reason that they would have been in But I broke up with that guy or you know just didn't feel like it was fitting anymore with what I had Because if you're if you're going to jokes you're ex-boyfriends I mean you got to limit the amount because it'll get confusing at a certain point if which expert so my act. This is a different one. This is another one Like it gets to be too much so so I WANNA go Step by step through through the joke and talk about how evolved you decide to write it. What do you like about that part so The first jokes is they. Tell us the same. Sex is no sex which is a lot. Like saying the safest travel is books This evolve why a books instead of the safest travel is staying home or magazine. You know like why that phrase it. I just thought it was funny. I think it's hilarious like 'cause they're all those quotes and like every bookstore that's like a book can take you anywhere. You can go around the world and Haiti days. And here's the book. I just thought that was that was funny and quick. And you know so much shorter than saying like that's like saying the safest travel is home. It just doesn't have the same hard hard case. We Find Hilarious Yeah I just I just thought it was funny and I also just read a bunch as a kid and so I think when I was a kid it really did make me feel like transport it so it's me making fun of that saying but also buying into it a little bit. I guess so. So the next section which is about how you didn't have sex in high school but you did other stuff and that was the best part. I've heard you talk about that. Sort of anecdotally on podcast. How did that evolve as something that would be in your act and then be joke appropriate a poster like whatever the longer version of just talking about it is so? I wrote that joke because I was in relationships and when I hadn't had sex yet I was still sexually active By many people standards including the church was not winning many points with God With the loopholes and I remember talking to friends of mine. Who were having a lot of sex and finding out the they were not like finishing that they were not getting. There's and I was genuinely like I cannot believe that that is the case. Like how is that possible that I'm like that's so funny that every time I hook up with somebody I'm like no. This needs to be amazing for me because I I might be giving up heaven for you like it was such a different a different Approach to it and all I. I really do think it was because I grew up religious. I think I didn't. I didn't WANNA do anything sexually unless it was going to be a great time like I had to be worth heavy worth disappointing. My parents that much The Capri Sun joke. Oh my gosh. They'll Capri Sun joke. Honestly the Dude I lost my virginity to Gave me that tag. I am so angry every time I tell it. I'm like damn it. That is good. Yeah I was. We were running jokes. I was running that joke by him and he he ripped that and it was very funny and it made it in was he. A comedian comedian. there are other jokes about him in the special so the joke. What happened was waiting till marriage until Jesus came back. Because it's I'm like my dad will like him right. So this is a joke. In the setup did you start with your just writings entered. Then you had the spark of it or did you start with the idea that my dad would approve of data rift on stage on the road. Because that's why haven't you run these bits over and over so many times that at a certain point your brain just starts looking for new things to keep it engaged so you don't go on autopilot probably and I remember one night. I just rift instead of saying so. I waited waited waited and then finally in one nine so I waited waited waited because I was waiting until marriage or until Jesus came back my dad like him right like and it worked so I was like well. We're keeping that. That's very funny to me. So the joke moves to a part about rejection. That's largely about how differently boys and girls are raised and sort of like too many act out How did you land on getting this point across that way where you showed the two different ways in which we talked a little kits the act out? Yeah I think that was probably something that came together on the road to where you start with this idea. And it's much everything I have starts much shorter and then once you run it enough times. We're like okay. This is guaranteed laugh. You feel confident enough to start tagging it up like crazy and you tag it tag. It and tag until it starts to Peter out and you go okay. I guess that's all the tags that can handle or that. That's going to allow So it'd be like you had a job it's like oh girls are raised and they say this and boys are like this and then you're like oh you get that then so one time you'll say more things about the girls when you see it and how far does the same thing with the boy. Yeah I mean. The joke was just that growing up. Everyone told me it was going to be easy. And the women don't expect anyone to say no to them and it's because of how society raises us. It's what everyone's telling you and that is all anybody told me was that I you have to hold onto your virginity you have to hold onto. It was like everyone's always trying to take it from you. And then the minute. I tried to give it to someone they were like. I'm good actually. I'm fine which was so insane new and I felt lied to and whereas you know guys are kind of like prep to hear no like kind of like especially now. It's like hey like if someone's uncomfortable you need to stop. Because in a lot of cases you might be stronger than them or whatever their boss and you can't do that So I thought I thought that that was funny and also kind of SAT. So the the line you're GONNA need to get consent which annoys. She makes a feeling you feel. That was a riff to on loud. Yeah I truly was like dinner if that Oh i did on the road. Yeah because it was if there's an act out. I usually rift a good portion of it but I started with the act out And if you're if you once you get that rolling laugh and you feel like you can ju