35 Burst results for "Spot"

Nationals rally against Darvish, Hader to beat Padres 3-1

AP News Radio

00:34 sec | 6 hrs ago

Nationals rally against Darvish, Hader to beat Padres 3-1

"Nelson Cruz's base is loaded walk broke a one one tie in the 9th inning as the Washington Nationals beat the San Diego Padres three to one What began as a pitcher's duel between annabelle Sanchez and yu Darvish dominated the game with Sanchez going 5 innings allowing just a solo home run to Manny Machado Today was the first time to a whole year that I'm able to throw every single page in any spark So when I'm able to do that I can get those kind of games The Padres lead for the third and final wild card spot in the national league was trimmed to one game over the Milwaukee Brewers Philip gon San Diego

Annabelle Sanchez Nelson Cruz Padres Manny Machado Washington Nationals Yu Darvish Sanchez National League Milwaukee Brewers San Diego
Fewer Americans file for jobless benefits last week

AP News Radio

00:43 sec | 1 d ago

Fewer Americans file for jobless benefits last week

"Fewer Americans filed for unemployment benefits last week The jobs market continues to stand out as one of the strongest segments of the American economy The Labor Department reports applications for unemployment benefits for the week ending August 13th fell slightly down by 2000 to 250,000 And last week's number was revised downward The number of Americans collecting unemployment benefits is hovering at 1.43 million Employers scrambling to find workers after an unexpectedly strong pandemic recovery added nearly 530,000 jobs in July more than double what forecasters had expected and the unemployment rate dipped back down to a 50 year low at three and a half percent Its one bright spot amid clouds including higher prices rising interest rates and a slowing home sale market I'm Jennifer King

Labor Department Jennifer King
Stripling perfect through 6, Jays avoid sweep, beat O's 6-1

AP News Radio

00:33 sec | 1 d ago

Stripling perfect through 6, Jays avoid sweep, beat O's 6-1

"George Springer's pinch hit RBI of Lucifer opened the door to a blue Jay 6 run frame as Toronto went on to be Baltimore 6 one to avoid a three game sweep Despite leaving with one out in the 7 Toronto started raw stripling pitched a masterpiece surrendering just a single I was aware of the situation and just kind of going out there and standing in attack mode and trying to stay efficient because I knew if anything was going to end it besides giving up a hit or whatever is going to be my pitch count Should be Garcia 100 of the pen to improve to two and four as the Jays regained their game and a half lead over Baltimore for the final American League wild card spot John leatherbee Toronto

George Springer Toronto Lucifer Stripling Baltimore JAY Garcia Jays American League John Leatherbee
Eric Trump: Security Camera Footage Will Be Released Soon

ToddCast Podcast with Todd Starnes

00:55 sec | 2 d ago

Eric Trump: Security Camera Footage Will Be Released Soon

"Eric Trump was on handed he last night and the FBI told the folks at Mar-a-Lago, hey, you've got to turn off all of your security cameras. We don't want you people seeing what we're doing. And they thought that the staff at Mar-a-Lago had complied. But the staff at Mar-a-Lago, they don't answer to the FBI. They answered a Donald Trump, and it's our understanding that the cameras, the surveillance cameras, were turned on and Eric Trump last night on Hannity says, hey, look, we're going to be releasing that footage. Will you still have the surveillance tape? Is that correct? Will you are you allowed to share that with the country? Absolutely, Sean at the right time. And your body can point with spot on. That's why cops wear body cams. They don't tell you to turn off cameras. They want transparency, and that's not what happened here. And you know for a fact, they asked for the cameras to be turned off. They asked for the cameras to be turned off.

Eric Trump FBI Lago Donald Trump Hannity Sean
The latest in sports

AP News Radio

02:00 min | 2 d ago

The latest in sports

"AP sports on Bruce Morton a pair of tight races in the national league in the central division St. Louis began Tuesday with a two game lead over the brewers The Cardinals beat Colorado 5 four in order to keep pace Milwaukee needed to defeat the Dodgers Chuck Freeman tells the story The floundering brewers blew a late lead but then rallied from a one run deficit in the bottom of the 11th inning to beat the Dodgers 5 to four Victor caratini delivered a one out bloop single the score of the tying and winning runs then after the brewers loaded the bases against Dodgers closer Craig kimbrel Meanwhile the braves pulled it within three and a half games of the mets and the east with a 5 nothing decision behind a 12 strikeout performance from Charlie Morton First baseman met Olsen says Atlanta is helping itself by taking the first two games of this series It's good to come out and get these first two Obviously we got a couple good arms coming up these next two and it won't get any easier for the braves as they still have to face Jacob de Grom and Max Scherzer Other national league winners were the Phillies Marlins cubs and giants In the American League the Yankees may lead the east but they lost for the tenth time in 12 starts when they were beaten by Tampa Bay three one raised manager Kevin cash likes how his club has won four straight including the last two in The Bronx Wins and this ballpark against this team they can elevate you a little bit make you feel that much better In another AL east game with playoff implications the Orioles won in Toronto four to two In the race for the American League's final wild card spot the O's trail the Jays by one half game The remaining junior circuit winners were the Red Sox White Sox tigers twins a's and M's Pro basketball the NBA will be idle on election day but all 30 teams will be playing on November 7th the night before the midterms Tennis at the western and southern open Serena Williams lost in straight sets to U.S. open champ Emma Bruce Martin AP sports

Brewers Dodgers Bruce Morton Chuck Freeman Victor Caratini National League Craig Kimbrel Charlie Morton Braves Jacob De Grom Phillies Marlins Cardinals St. Louis Milwaukee Kevin Cash American League Max Scherzer Colorado Mets Olsen
Mullins, Rutschman power surging Orioles past Blue Jays 4-2

AP News Radio

00:36 sec | 2 d ago

Mullins, Rutschman power surging Orioles past Blue Jays 4-2

"Baltimore scored twice in the 5th inning and two more times in the 6th of Toronto for two at Rogers center trailing two nothing subject Mullins and adley rushman to hit back to back solo home runs I'll start her Alec mano at the target at two Ryan McKenna drove in the final run of the night at inning later and the Orioles shut down the home team from there Dean Kramer went 7 innings to pick up the win to improve to 5 and four Every win is another win and we look up and hey we're in the standings So it's more of like I think keep your head down and we'll see how this plays out in a couple weeks The wind moves the year was a half game back to the Blue Jays for the final American League wild card spot John leatherby

Rogers Center Adley Rushman Alec Mano Ryan Mckenna Dean Kramer Mullins Baltimore Toronto Orioles Blue Jays American League John Leatherby
Todd Starnes Gets in Trouble at Whole Foods

ToddCast Podcast with Todd Starnes

01:53 min | 3 d ago

Todd Starnes Gets in Trouble at Whole Foods

"I haven't been I'm trying to eat a little healthier and I wasn't really happy with the produce at the regular supermarket. Fair enough. So I thought, you know what, I gotta go to the whole foods. I mean, that's what they're known for. You know, the high dollar lettuce and vegetables and all that kind of whatnot. It's a very nice store though. It's a great store, so I'm driving, I'm driving there in the Cadillac, and I realize, oh wow, there is a parking spot up front. Oh. And I thought that. I was very excited. I mean, it's a busy supermarket. A lot of, you know, a lot of people are shopping. And so I realized I thought, well, maybe it's handicapped parking. A lot of these stories have like 75 parking spots for the handicap. I've noticed that. And nobody's nobody's ever parked there, so the rest of us have to walk a couple of a quarter of a mile to the store. Dare they make us walk. So anyway, there wasn't a handicapped sign. So I thought, oh, great. Well, I pull right in and to go about my business. And anyone when I get out, some guy is just kind of giving me the evil eye. And he said, your parking, your parking in a place reserved for electric cars. Sir. Was there a charging port? Because I realize, you know, I'm turning around and looking, and I realized, holy crap, everybody's shopping here has a Biden bumper sticker, and I like the only person without one. Oh. Did you still left out? No, no, I just felt like the I felt like it wasn't the odd man out. I was the right man out. Sir, that no, you need to park somewhere else. Did he talk with me? Yeah, I don't know, maybe he had the flu. I don't know, he was and he was. He did have a mask on. There you go. So that could have been it.

SIR Biden FLU
Yankees blanked for 2nd straight game, lose to Rays 4-0

AP News Radio

00:37 sec | 3 d ago

Yankees blanked for 2nd straight game, lose to Rays 4-0

"The Yankees lost for the tenth time in their last 12 games Ford and nothing to the rays Tampa based third straight win was a combined 7 hitter with Ryan Yarborough getting his first win of the year with 6 strikeouts over four scoreless innings I think we're getting in a good spot I feel like we've been kind of trending towards that way for a while and then we're starting to get some guys healthy So things are kind of going in the right direction for us The race hit a one zero lead going to the knife on ESA parade is the RBI single in the fourth Tampa Bay then put it out of reach with three runs with two out in the knife cap by yandy Diaz's two run single The X were shut out for the second straight night and fourth time in their last 9 games Time area New York

Ryan Yarborough Yankees Rays Tampa Ford ESA Yandy Diaz Tampa Bay New York
Insider (2021): Mueller's Proteges Are Landing Top Spots in Biden DOJ

The Dan Bongino Show

00:58 sec | 4 d ago

Insider (2021): Mueller's Proteges Are Landing Top Spots in Biden DOJ

"I'm using lefty resources for a reason So when you want to sit here and moan it's a conspiracy Really His Business Insider Bob Mueller's proteges are landing top spots in the Biden Justice Department Lisa Monaco is among the former aides of Robert Mueller joining the Biden Justice Department She's the one right now at justice that oversaw this rate of Mar-a-Lago She was bob Mueller's buddy She worked with him too She was one of his age just like John Carlin She was also in the Obama Biden White House as they were spying on Donald Trump Folks this is not This isn't chess it's not like this is like connect four when you were like 9 and ten years old and we did board games before there was the Internet This isn't complicated Again they're not hiding this They are overtly going after Trump and using the same trusted confidants Why

Bob Mueller Biden Justice Department Lisa Monaco John Carlin Obama Biden Lago Donald Trump White House Chess
Montgomery comes up big again as Cardinals beat Brewers 3-1

AP News Radio

00:30 sec | 6 d ago

Montgomery comes up big again as Cardinals beat Brewers 3-1

"Jordan Montgomery pitches 6 shutout innings to pick up the win as the Cardinals down the Bruges three to one St. Louis gets a solo home run by Nolan Arenado at a two run shot from Paul go Schmidt who impressed bruh skipper Craig counsel He's swinging the bat so well that you don't if you make a mistake he's making you pay and you know there's making you pay with the base head and he's making me pay with the Homer Eric Lauer takes the loss He's aided for the red birds are now a game and a half in front of Milwaukee for the top spot in the central Mike Reeves St. Louis

Jordan Montgomery Nolan Arenado Paul Go Schmidt Craig Counsel Cardinals St. Louis Eric Lauer Red Birds Milwaukee Mike Reeves
Drury, Nola homer in big rally, Padres beat Giants 13-7

AP News Radio

00:34 sec | Last week

Drury, Nola homer in big rally, Padres beat Giants 13-7

"Brandon drury's three run home run and highlighted a 7 run 6th inning as the San Diego Padres beat the San Francisco Giants 13 to 7 San Francisco would build an early four zero lead off padre star to Sean mania then San Diego would answer back with a 6 run third inning The Giants retook the lead in the top of the 6th inning and then the Padres responded with a 7 run outburst all with two outs juries home run put San Diego ahead to stay I mean I know that this is the lineup that capable of doing that and putting up 7 spots in any With the win the Padres maintain a one game lead over the brewers for the third national league wild card spot Philip gon San Diego

Brandon Drury Padres Sean Mania San Francisco Giants San Diego San Francisco Giants Brewers National League Wild Card Spot
Biden's Unclear Foreign Policy Is Destroying Trump's Achievements

The Ben Shapiro Show

00:58 sec | Last week

Biden's Unclear Foreign Policy Is Destroying Trump's Achievements

"When reviewing the record of the Biden administration on foreign policy, let's just review for one second. Where foreign policy was when Joe Biden took office. So there was no open war with Russia, for example, there was no open conflict with China. There was a crackdown on China that was happening. There was a move towards strengthening sanctions against Russia that had been happening and stronger movement on Russia's borders by the Trump administration in the Middle East, peace had broken out, and the simple fact of the matter is that foreign policy might have been the brightest spot of the Trump administration. And Joe Biden has signally capitulated on a variety of issues and he's created tremendous lack of clarity on others. And that lack of clarity leads to further conflict. And one of the key tenets of foreign policy is that lack of clarity leads to miscommunication, miscommunication leads to people making bad assumptions, those bad assumptions lead to actual dead people. This has been the history of foreign policy ranging well back before World War I. And you have the Biden administration where it's not wrong. It is unclear. And that is a serious serious problem.

Trump Administration Biden Administration On Foreig Russia Joe Biden China Middle East Biden Administration
Wood, Giants beat slumping Padres 1-0 after overturned call

AP News Radio

00:33 sec | Last week

Wood, Giants beat slumping Padres 1-0 after overturned call

"Alex wood allowed just three hits over 6 and a third innings as the San Francisco Giants as the San Diego Padres one to nothing The giant starter would out dual padre started Blake's now who allowed a run on 6 hits in 5 and two thirds innings One of those ones I was pretty tired from start to finish But it made some pitches and I got a little boost of adrenaline there You know if that's so AB Pyro Estrada drove home the only run of the game on a fourth inning sacrifice fly The potteries have now lost 5 straight games and saw their lead over Milwaukee for the final playoff spot cut to just one game Philip gone San Diego

Alex Wood San Francisco Giants San Diego Padres Pyro Estrada Blake Milwaukee Philip San Diego
The latest in sports news

AP News Radio

01:58 min | Last week

The latest in sports news

"8 piece sports time David Schuster a light schedule in Major League Baseball action on Monday but the first place mets in the national league east they were in action and our Mike man Q fills us in The mets continued their winning ways with a 5 to one victory over the reds with 13 wins in their last 15 games the 71 and 39 mets lead the braves by 7 games in the national league east Chris Bassett tossed 8 innings for his 9th win Starling Marte a two run first inning Homer for the mets against Cincinnati's Justin Dunn who took the loss Over in Baltimore the red hot Orioles made it 6 wins in 7 games with a 7 four victory over Toronto four home runs for the Orioles including one by Austin Hayes We're going out expecting to win every game so I think we've been in this mindset now for the last couple months and we're just continuing to play good baseball Meanwhile out in Seattle the Yankees got back in the win column they snapped their 5 game losing skid They defeated the mirror nurse 9 to four and Philip gon fills us in on San Diego and San Francisco Alex would allow just three hits over 6 and a third innings as the San Francisco Giants as the San Diego Padres one to nothing The giant starter would out dual padre started Blake snow who allowed a run on 6 hits in 5 and two thirds innings The Padres have now lost 5 straight games and saw their lead over Milwaukee for the final playoff spot cut to just one game Pro basketball news Kevin Durant reiterated to Brooklyn Nets ownership that he wants to be traded and let's changes are made in the organization College football news Alabama Ohio State and Georgia They are the top three teams in the preseason coaches poll Meanwhile at Oklahoma assistant coach kale Gundy resigned after he was found to use repeated racially charged language and antennas Serena Williams still coming back from injury she won her first match in over a year at a tournament in Toronto I'm David Shuster AP sports

Mets Chris Bassett Starling Marte Justin Dunn David Shuster Red Hot Orioles Austin Hayes National League East Baseball Philip Gon National League Braves San Diego Padres Reds Homer Orioles Cincinnati Mike Baltimore Brooklyn Nets
Twitter Unleashes Criticism on Dick Cheney Following Ad Spot

Mike Gallagher Podcast

01:03 min | 2 weeks ago

Twitter Unleashes Criticism on Dick Cheney Following Ad Spot

"And as media writes, the blue check mark crowd in Twitter, people from all political backgrounds, unleashed a torrent of criticism against him. His infamous 2006 hunting accident where he shot a guy in the face was prominent in the minds of many, one blue checkmark said, fun fact, Dick Cheney is also a liar. He's a murderer who killed hundreds of thousands of people for oil and defense contracts F him F his wretched daughter and F Trump they can all rot in hell. Dan Caldwell tweeted Dick Cheney as VP was the chief advocate of the disastrous war in Iraq that killed up to a million people. He should have no standing to accuse anyone of being a threat to our republic. Dick Cheney looks ready to shoot Trump in the face with a mother load of birdshot. The thing I thought about when I saw the video was the hit TV series Yellowstone. It's like Yellowstone season 5. Starring Dick Cheney.

Dick Cheney Dan Caldwell Twitter Iraq Donald Trump
Dick Cheney: Donald Trump Is the ‘Greatest Threat to Our Republic’

Mike Gallagher Podcast

01:15 min | 2 weeks ago

Dick Cheney: Donald Trump Is the ‘Greatest Threat to Our Republic’

"It's really tragic. This is a tragedy. This isn't just political fodder. This is a tragedy. Here's the spot that was taped by Dick Cheney for his embattled daughter, congresswoman Liz Cheney. And our nation's 246 year history. There has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our republic than Donald Trump. He tried to steal the last election using lies and violence to keep himself in power after the voters had rejected him. He is a coward, a real man wouldn't lie to his supporters. He lost his election and he lost big. I know it. He knows it and deep down. I think most Republicans know it. Len and I are so proud of Liz for standing up for the truth. Doing what's right, honoring her oath to the constitution when so many in our party are too scared to do so. Liz is fearless. She never backs down from the fight. There is nothing more important she will ever do than lead the effort to make sure Donald Trump is never again near the Oval Office. And she will succeed. I am Dick Cheney. I proudly voted for my daughter. I hope you will, too. I'm Liz Cheney, and I approved this message.

Liz Cheney Dick Cheney Donald Trump LIZ LEN Oval Office
Dick Cheney Calls Donald Trump a Coward in New Campaign Ad

Mike Gallagher Podcast

01:39 min | 2 weeks ago

Dick Cheney Calls Donald Trump a Coward in New Campaign Ad

"Has there ever been. A shatter spectacle than former vice president Dick Cheney confirming what we all knew. That they hate half the country's so much. That they are hell bent on preventing half the country from returning Donald Trump to The White House. You see Dick Cheney knows that Donald Trump doesn't get reelected just because he flips a coin and decides to go back to the Oval Office. He doesn't make that Donald Trump doesn't make that decision, you and I do. And Liz Cheney hates you and I. Dick Cheney apparently the Cheney family doesn't hate Trump. They hate us. We're not a monarchy. Trump doesn't get to return to the White House on his own. He can't do it without half the country. Isn't it fair to say that Liz Cheney hates half the country? Have you seen the spot? I mean, as media, I puts it Twitter united to rip Dick Cheney. Some prominent blue check marks said check mark said, F him, F his wretched daughter, and F Trump. Somebody else ripped the Sith lord Dick Cheney. People from all sides of the aisle, both sides of the aisle were ripping this spot. Have you heard of the spot? Have you seen it?

Donald Trump Dick Cheney Liz Cheney I. Dick Cheney White House Oval Office Cheney Twitter Mark
Democrats could strip Iowa of opening spot in 2024 campaign

AP News Radio

00:47 sec | 2 weeks ago

Democrats could strip Iowa of opening spot in 2024 campaign

"The Democratic Party is considering kicking Iowa out of its spot in leading off the presidential nominating process The Democratic National Committee's rule making arm had planned to recommend today which four states should be the first to vote bumping the Iowa caucuses from its number one spot it would be part of a broader effort to allow less overwhelmingly white states to go early and better reflect the Democratic Party's diverse electorate But the decision has now been delayed until after November's election many rules committee members have privately said that the party is leading toward either New Hampshire or Nevada going first and South Carolina with its large block of black Democrats may move from fourth to third Iowa has kicked off voting since 1976 I'm Donna warder

Democratic Party Iowa Democratic National Committee New Hampshire Nevada South Carolina Donna Warder
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

04:46 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"To See for white foreigners. Particularly White Americans come over and. Pick up very attractive, very young. Women, you know I remember my sister. When she was in high in college got shown. Mail order brides book from. From this man when she was waitressing at Lizard's thicket, and I remember being in Atlanta. My nephew's baptism in the sky, coming up to me, asking me if if I was a mail order bride. Being in Hawaii, and just because I was sitting alone at a bar, someone assuming I was a prostitute. Those things happen to me and have throughout my life. And In the moment I just remember being so shocked, but I didn't have the voice to actually speak up about this. But what I did learn was okay. All right one. Don't over sexualize, so be mindful of how what I'm wearing. Don't look too slutty or loose or too revealing dress more conservatively. I would think those things. And then. And then when it came to actually dating and don't be overaggressive rested. Don't assert what you want. Don't assert what you want sexually just take whatever you can get so the idea of actually focusing on an orgasm. It didn't happen for me for the first fifteen years of my sexual experiences. Because so much of these. Racial. Stereotypes. Actually! overlaid narrative I had in my head about who I was as a sexual being, and how I was going to relate to others and. have get husband and have a family. And I'm sharing all of this because this is the reality. When we're talking about. Racism right now. An anti-racism will need to think about also is is how these norms the way we talk the jokes. We Make Oh yellow fever. Oh, you're coconut. All of those things shape how we view ourselves how we view our bodies, and then how we connect with ourselves how we connect to others. And the way that we connect with our sexuality is very much the core of our identity and how? We navigate. So what I? Want to push forward for all of us is to begin to get curious for people of Color. Get curious, ask yourself. How has. Racism. And prejudices. Shaped how I see myself. How I perceive my own sexuality and how? I- externalize my sexuality. And how ultimately I connect with others! How does she my preferences four partners? HOW DOES IT SHAPE? How I am intimately how much I use my voice, when be intimate, particularly asserting what I do or do not want. All of this happens through a sociocultural Lens. The absolutely is shaped by racism. And right now I'm feeling myself. Feeling empowered, but angry angry at myself for. That being a part of my story, but then also realizing okay, that's have knowing I need to actually accepting greed that. But also that that's a beautiful thing for me. That, I now have that awareness. Racism fosters oppression, and unfortunately is maintained when we owe, press ourselves and suppress our own needs, so I charged all of us including myself first and foremost to get curious to challenge our own assumptions that we have about our section how? Are Rent Lens. Of our own personal experience has shaped this. I hope this drops and thoughts for you. You're feeling uncomfortable. Sit with it. And see where it takes. Thanks for listening indefinitely. Let's have this conversation all right. See you guys next week. Take care, cheers..

Atlanta Hawaii
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

04:46 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Assumptions. Impact. Sexual Dr Catalina Lawson of licensed clinical. And I'd love talking about seven six marks the spot podcast that bridges the gap between what we know and what we actually do when it comes to sex relationships. There's actually been very minimal research on. Sexuality and sexual being amongst people of Color, particularly recent immigrants, and in other countries, the majority of sex research only in the last few decades, has that expanded to address different ethnicities? Even in my own research I developed a sex intervention for Latina cancer. Survivors in revealed that there haven't been any. Recent Research Sexual Interventions for specifically made to address. Sexuality Amongst, Latinos! And one of the things that you often find amongst when it comes to sexuality and. People of Color Minorities is a lot of sexual racism where there's a lot of. Assumptions that are generally binary amongst individuals or people color Asian. All of these. Assumptions! Even in my research when I go abroad particularly to Southeast Asia. There's always this assumption of Oh no. Asians don't talk about sex or they're either virgin. Mary's or their over sexualize, and that's generally what you're seeing as far as the dichotomies when you're speaking of people of color and it comes to sexuality is is that you are either a prude Virgin Mary or Your. Over sexualize and have a Madonna complex. You see this amongst Asians you see this among african-americans, Americans, you see this amongst Hispanics. You see this across most cultural stereotypes. So. How does this impact us as individuals? It absolutely shapes how we perceive ourselves as sexual beings, and then how we become reinforced to actually behave. So for instance I know that being raised. As a Filipino, my mom very much. We were supposed to be more virgins. My mom was verging link before she got married. It was a very different time. Then and I remember for me. Thinking I'm GonNa. Wait till I get married. For Sex because that's what. Good girls do and so for me this idea of expressing my sexuality. was very much on heard of and and chastised and. I know on one hand. It'd be honest because I always talked about sex, but on the other hand it was confusing. This is the thing. When you don't fit in too these binary stereotypes. It becomes confronting and you get challenged. And speaking from personal experience this absolutely. Me In relationships all of them. Particularly my intimate relationships, it shifted how I viewed who I should be dating. I, definitely a Filipinos are the most Americanized Asians, and as I said here, I don't Speak Tagalog I very much never. I never had Asian friends. My best friend is Indian and and and even she was raised very acculturated, but. Philipino. In that. We very much are for our culture socialized to be. Basically American but specifically white American. And so me growing up, it was very confusing, and literally only in the last decade have begun to fully identify all of the facets of my cultural identity. Embrace though so that. I used to primarily only look at Caucasians because there was this norm of okay. That felt. That felt like. A almost an improving of our gene pool. You know when you look at when particularly. When I traveled to Asia. It would be so confronting for me..

Virgin Mary Dr Catalina Lawson Southeast Asia Latina cancer Asia
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

02:11 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Do is actually if you already are feeling like you're so fatigue and everything is. So, Do yourself a solid and actually. Pamper yourself beforehand and this goes for the men as well K.. Take a nice relaxing bath. and. Take your time to put your moisturizer on. and. Pamper yourself before you actually WANNA become intimate. You need to begin to actually train your body that rather than sex, being aversive and a chore. that. This is actually a treat. It's something pleasurable, so you can begin to associate you pampering and self care to a pleasurable activity. You're starting to actually nurture your body to actually. Give it some of that love and energy to then also review, but then prepare yourself, so you're setting the stage for connection and being intimate with your partner. So three things that you can do are one pace yourself in your daily activities as well as how the types of sexual activities and the process of activity sex sexual activity you engage in. Two. Times when you have the most energy during the day. And, three? Hanford yourself before you're wanting to engaged. Some type of sexual activity with your partner. Those three strategies that you can do to actually. Manage your. And also. Nurtured Sexual Welby. Saw Hope this was helpful guys and always welcome to your feedback, so feel free to leave comments and share again you can follow me on youtube or instagram and subscribe to my podcast and Janelle. Feel free to learn more about me. I've got tons of videos on my website at Dr Catalina dot work. Stay safe and healthy out. There guys, cheers!.

partner Hanford Janelle Dr Catalina instagram
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

06:15 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Has this lockdown. Caused you to feel overly fatigued. And as a result, is your sex drive and sexual activity. Shrinking. Hi I'm Dr. Catalina and if you haven't already please subscribe to my Youtube Channel or my podcast, sex marks the spot. You can follow me on instagram or facebook. I'm Dr Catalina Lawson a licensed clinical psychologist and I love talking about sex sex marks. The spot is a podcast that bridges the gap between what we know and what we actually do when it comes to sex relationships an health. Today I want us to talk about fatigue, and how fatigue impacts your sex life, and what you can do to actually manage it. Alright so fatigue is one of the most. Of My research and work has been in cancer and fatigue is one of the longest. Side Effects, the most difficult to manage fatigue isn't just being tired. I describe it often as. Feeling like you're walking. In. Quicksand and mud, and just dragging and feeling low motivated, low energy and feeling really heavy everything is effort. Naps generally don't help with a teague exercise can help a little bit. But what we find with fatigue, and again whether this be because of the Covy, one of the things that we're seeing right now and particularly with the monotony, not having those outlets that we generally used to refuel ourselves. Fatigue has set in for many of my clients. And certainly this is what a lot of the studies right now are also showing about how our quality of life has been impacted by this coded pandemic. So What you see is oftentimes when we're fatigued. This idea of actually having sex and having sex drive. Forget about it like again. We are all human, so if you're noticing yourself being disinterested or even maybe aversive to sex right now because you're experiencing fatigue. You are not alone. So let's talk about how you can begin to manage the fatigue. And then apply it to actually. Improve or heighten your sex drive and improve your sexual wellbeing. So one of the best strategies to personally manage your own fatigue is. Activity pacing? Pacing yourself throughout the day which again during this Kovic lockdown can be incredibly hard because we don't really have any fine stops. Most people don't even know what day it is. So what's important is actually particularly. If you're doing a lot of zoom calls, or you're on your computer all day. Taking breaks every thirty to forty five minutes actually getting up getting some water moving your body, okay. Again. It's interesting that with fatigue. NAPS have to be very very regularly scheduled and and. Sometimes, they work. Sometimes. They don't so with fatigue. Really it is about pacing yourself and being realistic about what you actually can achieve in the day. Or Right? When it comes to sex is the same thing if we're now in about three and a half four months i. don't even know where we are anymore in this lockdown, so but it's been a long time, and if you found yourself old particularly over the last month. Month and a half just not being interested in sex again. Pace yourself here to. Sexes, not just intercourse, so begin to actually. Become intimate cuddle with your partner. Give each other massages. Do Pace Yourself. As far as not always feeling like being intimate has to be either a quickie or this long drawn out session. Find a middle ground and experiment with with your energy levels of to what actually is comfortable, because sex is meant to be pleasurable, but if you are too little, fatigued and distracted by your fatigue, your head's not going to be in the game. Your body's not going to relax so really actually try to pace yourself even when it comes to sex so really just even if it's five minutes of you know a little hand, play or oral play play with that and be okay with it, not always having to also end in a climax I. Get it if you're super orgasm focused. That's that's. and. There's always this impetus that we have to focus on outcome when it comes to sex. No, you don't K-. Another tip after pacing is. Look at when you actually have more energy in the day and schedule. Times to be intimate K., so for instance if you actually have been sleeping well, and you're more of a morning person, then ask your partner if if you can try to be intimate then and again, not having to have full intercourse, but if even just touching each other in just cuddling. Taking steps and particularly if you have been withdrawn from sex for a while, just giving yourself finding times in the day that actually you generally have more energy experimenting okay? Another thing that you can begin to.

Dr Catalina Lawson partner Dr. Catalina Youtube instagram facebook Side Effects teague Kovic
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

08:15 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Hello everyone. I wanted to use this week's podcast to contribute to the dialogue that we've been having the last few weeks. Around police brutality, black lives matters from my perspective professionally and personally. I also want to use this time to provide some tips of how we can actually to gather. Help move things forward and in the moment. Particularly Right now. Miss what's going on? What we can do to manage our emotions around the. Doctor Catalina Lawson a licensed clinical psychologist, and I love talking about sex sex. Marxist is a podcast that bridges the gap between what we know and what we actually do when it comes to sex relationships and. I'm a first generation. Immigrant, my parents immigrated from the Philippines, and I was born in Kelly, but then raised in South Carolina and for my career I. Went to school in Indiana Colorado DC Florida. And then moved to larger cities, such as like DC, and New York and now I'm in La. But it really wasn't until my later adulthood. That I actually. Did have other people of color around me. And certainly growing up in the south, it was very very clear. The, disparities between blacks and whites. And as many other Asian Americans have been speaking up now. We consider ourselves as. We certainly. Can empathize with some of the experience that. Black individuals. Endure, but by no means I guess one of the biggest things that I find is that this is not a competition amongst people of color. And I know that myself. Throughout my life, I've found it hard to have conversations with other individuals of other ethnicities races. Because of this almost, Oh, you don't understand and I guess that's why. I said at the very beginning. This is from. One of the things I think we have to appreciate is that we don't have to have experienced everything. That someone else's experienced. To really empathize and to actually foster equality. Just as as We are all born differently and born into different situations. Different Skin colors I think that's the biggest thing because what I feel like blocks axel discussions is immediate fear of offending. As well as guilt guilt that Oh. What have I done to foster this? What have I done to actually maintain? Or exacerbate racism. And so I guess a bit of this is really us taking this time. To slow ourselves down. And first and foremost. Stop and pause to actually. Will we are right now. One thing that we are seeing is a lot of reactivity whether that be from. That you're seeing during protests, online or in conversations you're having. We're just seeing reactivity, reactivity, reactivity and one of the things that I've certainly been discussing with my clients this last week and a half as well as as. Personal individuals who have a personal. Relationship with me is acknowledging this frustration that people are having with the riots and one thing I really remind them is okay. All we're seeing is. Reactions that are part of this system and I know that there's definitely people who are seeing both sides of that, but that's really everything that we're seeing right now is based on basic human behavior of generations and generations of oppression, but that are. Maintained and reinforced by. Institutional Socio Cultural Economic, institutions. And so this is where so much of my work does come down to. Working with individuals and beginning to actually change how we are reacting. How we react individually to. Beer ignorance and aggression. And I, know for me personally. This is an ongoing. Journey where? I'm still figuring out how to use my voice i. mean so much of this Plat. This podcast for me is figuring out how I use my voice so much of my research. Since nineteen, Ninety eight has been for African Americans in recent immigrants here in the United States. And so so much when the cove it happened the number, one thing I said, too. I spoke about was very much how we're going to see the disparities. We're going to see how despair how economic and medical all the systemic disparities which come down to race ethnicity, socio economic status are going to actually divide us, and then on top of it. We have a long period of anxiety, uncertainty and fatigue to further exacerbate fortunately. been coming up the last couple of weeks is yet another layer to the uncertainty in angst that everyone has to cope with right and what I really want to encourage and I'm going to I. Guess I'm doing this more to hold myself accountable and also encourage myself as first and foremost, be kind to be kind to myself and also be kind to others to just listen. To immediately react to conversations around this and opinions. And also I want to encourage people particularly. White individuals or people who are not if you are feeling guilty to sit with that lean into it and figure out what that is about you feeling guilty for what and what do you need to do to self? Soothe at so that this isn't a conversation in vain, but that it is actually moment or an experience that actually heightened awareness, and then ultimately shifts your own behavior. That is rarely wear when we're talking about this change, it is essential for us to begin to do change on our own acknowledged. What is going on on US individually and give our space space to ourselves to explore this? And have conversations that may be incredibly uncomfortable. But then I say this to. Individuals, on whichever side to actually look for. Individuals that you know you are. Have a different point of view from and actually use this as an opportunity to get curious to listen to learn and unlearn a lot of the reactions rather than so that you can choose how you want. To contribute to moving US forward. Saw, Lee today, just really reminding us to be gentle. Be, kind. Be Open. And be loving. These are not just.

United States Doctor Catalina Lawson Philippines La South Carolina New York anxiety Lee Indiana Kelly Florida
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

04:36 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"When we think or perceive that we are not safe or that we are threatened or that we will be abandoned that we won't have our basic needs met yet. It's so incredibly hard for us to be honest about what those needs are because we don't want to be abandoned. We don't want to be rejected. We WANT TO BE CONNECTED. But then we completely disconnect from ourselves and are we really connecting with others. Ruined says that they want real connection. Want Authentic love yet again. That's one of those things where we want that. So badly Abso fucking lutely everyone deserves it and yet. How much are you authentically loving yourself? You know this is beyond self care. That's the thing itself love. Of course we should care for ourselves but Goddamn shouldn't we unconditionally love ourselves? We expected from everyone else or at least the people who matter to us but then how much do we unconditionally love ourselves? That's where I say we start here. I Say I think our sexuality is at the core. It's where we came from. That is the core of our energy. Our sexual energy is our lifeforce and yet oh man. It is also a very efficient way and a holistic way at understanding ourselves embracing ourselves moving through all of the rainbow of experiences emotions and sensations. Like that to me. That's the juice. That's that's what we like. Oh God it's like if I could swim in that twenty four seven and literally orgasmic would be like would minimize that experience. That would not even give it justice that word even right like that's utter bliss like beyond exponential bliss. God My neck is like tensing but wanting to relax. It's like knowing that contrast knowing that off fuck this is what I want and this is where I'm not okay. Then you have a direction that you wanna going okay. What will lead to you in that direction? Bit By bit knowing every bit. We'll be scary uncomfortable distressing way. More work sucks sometimes of your when you're enlightened and when you're wanting to keep growing intentionally it will feel like work but that's the thing again you can shift that paradigm. It can actually be exciting. 'cause you're like fuck? It's like a puzzle like announced sets. Like Oh my God that's so tedious is but yet it can be meditative like there's certain things that are meditative for me and everyone's got their different meditation but basically all that is is. Where's your sweet spot? What is it where you just can be in your focus like for me? It's absolutely that's why I really liked trimming jobs like an spinnakers feel like on focusing on is feeling the wind feeling the tension feeling like connecting with that and then being on watery fucking kidding me like fucking bliss like of course for me. I say of course because I'm so adamantly connected to that in a way like I'm describing like for me it really is a meditative. I definitely four to allied looking towards like looking boards clients. I'm getting you know I'd like to that again. I'm next no and that's the thing it doesn't matter that's my way of doing what's yours so. I think that little seinfeld dish. This is the touched the flavor. So hit me up. If you think let me know you think all right. Take it easy cheers..

Abso
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

08:13 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Do we have any Seinfeld? Followers out. There Hi guys. I'm Dr Catalina. And in this week's episode of sex mark the spot. I'm sharing with you some thoughts that I had about really what the purpose of my podcast was and my message and I was really inspired by Seinfeld when I record this so hope you enjoy it. Hope it's coherent and always open to your feedback cheers guys happy. Hump Day Joy. It's like the Seinfeld version of self help about sex and relationships like I've had the honor privilege and well earned experiences that in lots of different cultures from lots of different perspectives as a researcher clinician. Teacher that you know that old adage that that would even say that shrinks become shrinks to shrink themselves and you know I was Kinda scoffed at that because again I was not a kid. First Time I'm saying like I definitely was raised. Air trained in like research like particularly Indiana was like it seemed like they looked down. That was just my impression. And maybe that was just what I perceived but it was almost as they looked down on clinicians you know and except for this one awesome abnormal professor who was had a private practice and then taught that was like my dream and then to be mayor of town. Lexington anyways long story short like throughout all these different experiences and all of the world with different cultures like the cool thing is sometimes I forget. Sometimes I forget like what I've learned and the reality is is that again. I teach what I learned. I research where I learn. I like I do see it from so many different angles experience it yet. I still forget. And it's so speaks to this reality that like the learning is constant the maintaining and the evolving and the adapting requires constant evolution. And the idea that we would rely on the same strategies throughout development as if one size fits all of the different stressors traumas. We experience like. That's the thing is is that we keep on judging how we are doing. Should we be doing this? We start distrust our choices and how we react. So we just keep reacting in a way that is about should rather than wants or desires. And that's where it brings back to sex because our sexuality is at the core of who we are as humans are entity and yet it's the first thing we generally abandoned like four selves has nothing to do with how often as much as how connected we are to ourselves and how much we neglect our desires and needs so. I guess what I realized so much and what I guess I WanNa have a soul space for others to do with me are to notice how much those things that really fucking trigger us we. Maybe you're super scared. Of How what we fear or what. We are irritated by like how it actually cuts to us. How it always comes back to something about us. And what was the experience around that? What did we learn? How are we trying to adapt? Because that's all we're trying to do. We're trying to adapt. We're trying we are in survival mode when you're doing that yet because those stressors happen intermittently particularly if you're privilege and you think that you you do feel grateful for your life sometimes you overlook and you have this expectation that you're like some fucking Rockstar like that like everything everything's supposed to be. Okay you got it you got it you got it you got it but as we age there's more to get there's more to be gotten right like that's where we start to live by our should shoots rather than our wants and desires we disconnect from our honest selves. And what it is we just basic need for because we are social because we long for connection which comes with approval acceptance like unconditional. Love this idea of that except the reality is love can be long lasting an incredibly strong. But the idea that it would be conditional or unconditional. That's insane why even when we describe love is that binary rather than a spectrum like so much of our basic instinct is to be binary safe threatened. Yes no good bad. Yes it's efficient. It's helped with survival except that many of us don't want to just survive and actually most of us have full most again of course their their physiological reasons. Why for some some activities of life would be maybe harder physical emotional psychological intellectual all sorts of different predispositions for sure. However way you want to put it wherever you want to focus on everyone has a different path and but we are all born with the basic me to feel connected and accept it and loved some basic human need and we forget that particularly as we adult we neglect that damn that feeling of yearning and like particularly in individuals who didn't have that who are born the majority of us who didn't have super secure families or backgrounds. That there were. There was aggression or avoidance or tension. That didn't feel safe whether it be physical. Emotional like tickle like you just didn't feel safe SAR bodies learned so early on and then our physiology evolved with it our heart our mind our bodies and then our actions all of those.

Seinfeld Dr Catalina Indiana Lexington professor researcher private practice
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

09:45 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Catalina. And this week's episode of sex marks the spot I want to talk to you guys more about touch and the what the power touch does to our body touched from as well as ourselves and how it serves to actually regulate our bodies but then also how we can expand our energy so I one of the things that we have learned is that as humans as mammals touch serves as a way to protect sends signals of safety so when we're thinking about stress and distress and our bodies being tensed all of that is because our body is trying to protect itself. So think about what happens to our bodies when we're actually stressed K. Your heart rate tends to increase your muscles tense. Everything's tries to get smaller. That's your body's natural defenses. It's natural protection so what it's looking for again member in one of my earlier videos about poly bagel theory. I talk about the three systems of our body That actually is it's automatic win. As of protecting itself the first system as mammals and as social beings our body wants to socially engage so touch is a form of social movement when we receive touch from others. That actually is an opportunity for our nervous systems to get regulated by others. We've different studies in humans as well as other animals have shown that being S- purely by being touched by another person heart rate decreases cortisol levels decrease oxytocin increases again. Oxy Tour Tocine is the chemicals in your body that actually make you feel secure and loved and connected all of those things happen surely by touch and when you think about relationships the one thing we know is that this happens within a context and this is the thing that actually where humans tend to really panicked mess up a lot of our automatic bill makeup where because humans have the ability to actually stay in dangerous situations what our bodies begin to do is actually confused and it tends to think all touch if there's any type of trauma or episode where touch no longer felt safe particularly in the context of any type of physical or sexual abuse. Our brain immediately begins to learn touch bad and it's going to again withdraw so one of the things that we want to do. When we're thinking about touch is begin to teach our bodies touch is safe and positive K so one of the things that I recommend couples to begin to do is actually begin to just touch each other's hands studies have shown that purely by couples who hold hands or when a couple is one person of the partner of the is actually some distress or sadness or fear purely by a partner touching their hand. Actually we know that that actually league immediately decreases their arousal. They immediately will feel a bit more safe and we know that that can actually be conditioned over time so that individuals become more and more comfortable with touch. And that's where couples can. We can lean in on the relationship to actually support our partners by using touch and again this is not just sexual touch. This is purely grabbing. Someone's hand or putting your hand on their shoulder k. Again non sexual touch is another way of responding and showing that responsiveness holding space for that person to tell them that you feel in here. Their emotions that fosters a sense of safety and in safety we can then feel connected to ourselves and connected to others. Moreover our bodies don't have to keep on chugging charging Chandi they can actually sit down calm and use that conserve that energy to fight other battles rather than feeling like your body has to protect itself constantly cake so when we think about touch we also know that that touch certainly actually while regulating our body can come from but also ourselves so one of the things that I tell clients when they're feeling aroused or stressed is to put your hand on your heart and immediately by placing your hand on your heart protect preferably skin to skin you immediately. You're feeling your Hari. You're noticing your chest expanding and you can apply some pressure so that you can actually begin to self soothe self cuddle. We know that that is also a very efficient way to regulate our nervous systems and to make our body feel safe so both touch from a partner and to yourself. Those are both ways to efficiently regulate your body reduce your razzle and make your body feel safe now. Let's bring this more into the bedroom. Where may is masturbation month and so I want us to talk about how we can lean in on touch in how we before in the stages before we get intercourse with our partners but then absolutely in our self pleasure beginning by gentle touch and using touch actually as almost a body scan to check in with your partner so that they you're touching them in different places throughout their body. What you're doing is actually queuing their focus so that they can begin to connect and appraise assess where in their body. They're feeling any pressure any tension. They can release the pressure with. You're also doing is doing your own assessment. As far as what feels good. What doesn't where's their body at. You're using touch as a as an assessment and a means of connecting and also laying the framework to gradually get their body more and more relaxed when we're thinking about sexual our sexuality in harnessing our sexual energy one of the things that really needs is is real accession and the sense of safety so by gradually using touch again doesn't even have to be massage but literally just touching gently over the skin but starting being very mindful of how you're doing it starting from the head going through your arms going through different body parts again doing somewhat of a body scan doing that with your partner absolutely can prepare the stage so that you can gradually introduce that sexual connection now particularly during masturbation ones In yourself pleasure you can absolutely do the same thing when we think of Self Pleasure. We often just get in there and go now. I remember you can take to start off with the body skin. Start TOUCHING YOURSELF. Shanley self soothe of your body. I using touch to connect with yourself and then explorers. Such valleys recipe. Harness that energy. And then what you see is immunity in prison for his all levels decreased muscle tension st trees overall. Well being improves so I hope that you guys will try some of these self touch and touching your partner exercises to connect and with yourselves. So you haven't already subscribe to my Youtube or follow me on instagram and feel free to reach out with any questions. Have Juicy Week guys? Stay safe and healthy cheers..

partner Youtube Catalina. muscle tension Shanley cortisol oxytocin
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

11:23 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Their partners but most people have also kind of shifted. How they're taking in news Right now we're about three depending on where you are three four weeks in to this lockdown and it's almost as if there's this somewhat of a calm before the storm not saying that anybody super calm right now there's absolutely this collective stress but in this moment this is where generally after the initial stunk sting or shock of major stressor like the covert vires. It's generally as you're trying to find your new normal that now. The focus begins on relationships. So are you noticing that you're feeling a bit more? Maybe horny or irritable and absolutely can't think about sex. The reality is is that in periods of chronic stress our bodies very much differ as far as some people may want more sex whereas some people may be like fuck that I have absolutely no desire that it's the last thing I want. The reality is that there's no necessarily right way to be right now when it comes to sex or any way. You're wanting to connect with others but today I want to kind of talk about how couples and singles can navigate sex amidst this crisis. So keeping in mind that sex and again. This is sex with other sex with ourselves when I'm talking about sex. I'm not just talking about intercourse. I'm talking about tapping in and connecting to your sexuality connecting to your sexual self and actually harnessing that energy right now. Our bodies are under attack whether that because you're actually sick or because you're you are experiencing this collective stress so in this mode. Our body is wanting us to teach it and to tell it repeatedly. This has to be done repeatedly that it is safe again. The Cova crisis is forcing upon us. Outrageous amounts of uncertainty and fear and in situations like this. Our Body is craving predictability consistency and control. So this is where we can actually look into our relationships with ourselves and with others to actually try to gain some fat meaning. We connect with ourselves connect with our bodies look for opportunities that we can control and get begin to actually be consistent in our practice. I think that this is actually a time where we can actually lean in on our relationships and again our relationships to ourselves and with others to actually get through this together so during this time of uncertainty the year and chronic stress. Too important to remind ourselves that our our sexuality connecting with our sexuality in harnessing that energy can actually be have a lot of health benefits right. Now that can protect us and mitigate more fatigue can insects can give us energy it certainly again in when we're talking about actual activity pleasure in yourself. Self pleasure can definitely improve your immunity. It can also is a big stress. Reliever can help with your insomnia and it can certainly actually relieve a lot of this tension and certainly were all not going to the gyms can be exercised so keeping that in mind when we're thinking about actual the benefits of sex right now. Because again I get it if it's the last thing on your mind so now let's get to some of the questions that relate to both couples first and then single people so one common question. I've received has from people who are living together whether they be with kids without kids is can. I have sex with my partner and the answer is yes so long as you are not showing any symptoms or have both perceive yourself as having the CO video again. I missed of many people haven't don't have or aren't getting tested. So that's not even that great of an indicator but if you both have been quarantined for the last three weeks and you're feeling pretty confident than absolutely. This is a time to lean in on your sexual connection with your partner and again if you are having more time take your time while doing it explore different different ways of touching not going straight to intercourse using some new toys again. Washing your toys just as you would regularly so washing them for twenty seconds just like we do our hands before and after and and really using this as an opportunity to explore K. oftentimes in couples who do live together time is a big barrier and so realistically right now we got nowhere else to go so even if you are working you're not commuting or you know again. There's lots of stress but this can actually be away for you to lean in on your relationship. Now if you are thank your partner has does have the Cova virus then again. This is where you need to actually Corentin each other. If you do have the space separate bedrooms separate the bathrooms if you're in a one bedroom than very much particularly in the cities then give the partner who's sick. The bedroom sleep on the couch. Give them food and have them wipe off for you. I will have them wipe off bathrooms after they're using it trying to really stop the spread as much as you can and again seeing those opportunities to care for each other opportunities to not necessarily disconnected and isolate but actually finding ways to see the giving the see this as a giving seeing as as helping that person with food as a giving and as the person who's sick as a receiving And then what is also one question that comes up a lot is what if I don't want to have sex but my partners super horny while in those cases realistically this is where it can be very frustrating. In when there's mismatch and and really right now can feel a lot of pressure to engage in something you don't want to an I never recommend our bodies don't want us to do things but our bodies often think when it comes to sex do have sex and in means intercourse or don't there's lots of middle grounds so amidst this lockdown try to find your middle grounds. Maybe if your partner is generally initiating more test try experiment with other things you might. WanNa do like massages or just kind of touching caressing or or doing different types of sexual activities that art oral sex or manual or playing with toys doing things that aren't just going straight to intercourse because again I think oftentimes when we're stressed our brains are going to be binary than I think. Yes no good bat. Have sex dote. This is where you can get creative and have a spectrum of options even if you're not in the to have intercourse but again listening to what your body needs and what your body wants. Another thing is is on the other side of that is what if I can't stand my partner and now we're stuck together. You know one of the things that's been happening with couples is that you're working together and you generally used to go to work and have that space away so a lot of couples are really taking their heads out. Tearing their hair out and feeling very much cooped up in and suffocating. This is where it's really important for you to figure out what your boundaries are. How your what your batteries are around your work perfectly trying to find space. You can work again if you're in a smaller apartment using headphones things like that to actually try to give yourself some privacy going on walks by yourself knowing that you need a little bit more padding integrating more grounding throughout the day knowing that you are a bit more on on on not on eating like more tents around your partner give yourself more padding. And then lastly a question couples ask is are we having too much sex and this one? I had to say generally again if right now you are having like the sexual renaissance. And until one partner is perceiving. It as too pro is problematic. They're really there isn't a defined too much or too little. It's very very specific to the couple. So here really. It is is again connecting with your body and figuring out. Is this what I want my feeling pressure? Am I feeling exhausted? How is this working for Meydani? Okay so those are some tips for couples now. I want to address some questions for single individuals. And if you were single as I am right now you may be feeling a bit frustrated And also very low and I think that that is a very common experience that many singles are feeling. Because if you're single and particularly your in one of the big cities you are used to an active lifestyle and feeling your with activities whether it be workouts or different community events engaging you know a lot of right now that isolation.

partner Cova insomnia Meydani
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

10:12 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Do you feel to privileged to be distressed. I'm Dr Catalina loss and I'm a clinical psychologist specialising insects in relationships and I'm also a first generation Filipino. American and I have been doing research in health. Disparities Amongst Latinos recent immigrants African Americans. I've done some work in Southeast Asia throughout my life I very much you know. I- Filipinos who were always like the fun. Asians and I often felt too often felt maybe to a mirror can is or not not really Asian enough so most of my life. I really didn't have many Asians but now in my private practice I have about seventy two percent first generations and I see and most of them are most of them are Asian and one thing that has really come across in. My work is how many of them fell. Feel just like how I felt for so long where they felt an I have felt to privileged to feel distressed so my parents were from the Philippines and my mom grew up in one hut and five people and dirt floors and hole in the corner and so in one generation. She went to med school and she emigrated to they heard. My Dad came to the states and and we were the recipients of all their hard work and sacrifice so I very much prided myself on very much having this immigrant mentality work ethic throughout my life but I also had depression anxiety and I remember that by the time I went to Grad School. I knew I wanted to be a professor and even if I was going to do clinical work. I knew that I didn't WANNA do. I always said I don't WanNa work like with people who were like me. I don't WanNa work with people who are privileged and it really has only been in the last year and I got my two thousand five the one that I realized so much of that mentality which basically that mentality led me to work with in psychology. Which is with cancer patients and And and I a lot again with recent immigrants refugees and in developing countries. Do a lot of that kind of stuff and what I realized was a lot of that really was me saying. I didn't WanNa work with people who were privileged and really life is fine. Who Cares if they're just a little bit depressing anxious? I realized how much I like. Many other first generation immigrants share this mentality of feeling that this privilege that we have makes us infallible to real distress. And makes us ashamed? Feel guilty for actually feeling distressed and I finally. That's a shame and realizing that for myself how much I was very much against my identity to actually think. Oh my gosh I would. I mean again i. I always knew I was depressed. Anxious like definitely knew that I've seen lots of therapists but I actually never really appreciated how much that actually influenced my day-today life again. I control over what was going on with my career. I could control anything. I couldn't control. Like anything relational that was where and again. I'm confident I'm extroverted. I'm pretty assertive. But that was where I always felt very lost. And we're my distress would generally impact and that's often the case particularly amongst individuals who are first generation immigrants or come have have overcome so many things that they feel like they don't deserve or shouldn't have earned the right to actually be just stressed and I really want to open up the space for us to talk about this because I actually think everyone. There is no one infallible to distress. No matter your culture. No matter what you're born into it may look different and it may be act out different. But it is prevalent. We generally see prevalence rates similar. You know or within a range again. They're certainly more social pressures in certain countries and flat out there's also more monitoring and more like more assessment so we actually have some of that data but this idea that in developing in first world countries like this is a first world problem that you actually still can't have problems. I feel like really that mentality is actually just around. It's it maintains the shame that I know I have had around feeling the stressed and feeling like why not trying hard enough. Why can't I control this better? You know and now in my work I get to you know. Get to hear so many stories about of individuals who get everyone. All of my clients had amazing careers. All of them like you know were most all of them built themselves up to be even more successful than their parents being ever grateful that they somehow came to the states whether they were born here or they immigrated here and very appreciative. You know this very much. I'm lucky enough mentality. What do I have to complain about in actually thinking that worrying or being depressed is complaining? It's not being grateful. This is what I want to open the conversations for us to talk about because there actually isn't much research on that you know on this idea particularly amongst first generations and so I really want us to begin to start the dialogue about this sense of privilege and how particularly amongst first generation immigrants there. There's this idea that I'm to privileged to be distressed a challenge that I'm still working on challenging that for myself and I hope you'll join me in actually opening up the conversation for us to really talk about this and neutralize this so we actually in particularly when it comes to our relationships the things that actually we are not only in our control and includes our relationships with people at work now that we can actually get the support that can help and that together in community. We can actually support one another all right. I totally welcome your contributions to this conversation and love if we can connect and actually talk about this really talk totally open to ideas how we might so hit me up and find me online on my website. Www DOT DR. Catalina DOT ORG or on instagram Dr Catalina Lawson or facebook or my youtube channel. All right thanks for listening to you our dear in. Listen to this part. Thanks for giving me a chance to actually share. My story would also have please get hit me back in action here's..

Dr Catalina Dr Catalina Lawson Southeast Asia Philippines Grad School private practice professor facebook youtube
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

16:20 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"I'm Dr counting the Lawson and a clinical psychologist specializing in sex in relationships. So I WANNA talk today about how our bodies no I about everything? The first thing that's going to happen like I want you to take a moment to actually think about what happens when you get traded at work whether it be because you got in trouble for something or in your relationship you're pissed off at your partner. What happens to your body. There's generally two ways our bodies can go we either up regulate or we down regulate and those this matter where you're from or war or really where wherever VOYEUR GENDER. Unfortunately this is just how our body works so basically. Why does that happen? Okay so when I'm saying that we go up. Regulated or down regulated generally when we get up regulated. Our bodies go towards it. That's when we you've heard of fight or flight then generally this is where your body is going to do something. It's going to act. It's either going to get aggressive. Your maybe you'll speak up or maybe you'll try and fix it and do something. But if you are down regulator you're going to pull away maybe you'll backup or Or stay quiet. Now when I say your body knows I your body learned long longtime ago what it had to do to keep you safe. Okay we now know we now know so much more about how the body works that that we've known for a while and we're putting it all together so you've probably if you're watching this maybe you've heard of attachment theory and this idea. Basically how we are in relationship or how we emotionally react to stressors has to do with how we were raised in our relationships with our caregivers. When we're talking about how our body reacts again our body learned from very early how to actually protect ourselves so today I wanNA talk to you about poly Bagel theory and basically polly. Bagel theory was developed by Steven Porges. He's a professor at University of Illinois Chicago and Paulie Bagel theory. Very much gives us a theory to understand how our body reacts to to stress or trauma when it feels threatened and when we're talking about individuals who are not secure which is securely attached which is around estimates suggest anywhere between seventy and eighty percent of the world's population very few of us are actually securely attached. Because not that everyone's parents or everyone's home was so so bad that wasn't or or everyone experienced physical or sexual abuse a reduction. It doesn't actually have to be that extreme for your body to learn or put up protection or defense mechanisms because it's for some reason or another felt on safe. So if you're an individual who is it securely attached you may notice that you everyone up and down regulates that there's a level or a window where what we expect for everyone but if you notice that you either become maybe too aggressive or overly emotional or you find yourself theory avoided. You're more on those spectrums. Maybe that this little seemed much more clear for you so let me break down. What happens to your body when we actually build up our defenses so poor just says that there is is that we actually. There's three systems in our body and our brain that basically our nervous system at reacts to actually protect us so the first is our Starts and it's hierarchical meaning that it starts from top down and it starts from. Newark parts of our brain to older parts of our brain so when we I feel in danger or feel unsafe the first system. That's going to actually get engaged. Is Our social engagement system so this is our face. That's why the first thing that you're gonNA be noticing is Is Changes in people's faces when they get triggered or when their mood or motion shift. So this is your social engagement system because the first thing that your body because we're mammals and we are social the I think are body and brain thinks is someone helped me so this is where oftentimes when you think of a baby. Who's giving you like? A puppy. Dog is like help me. You know our eyes might get big. We might frown. There's different actions or facial expressions that have actually been shown in across many different cultures that are expressed that the happen. Certainly our cultures can shape. How the differences of these expressions but in general. What happens is the first thing that's going to react as our face is going to shift to actually try to get support so that you actually feel safe. So that's the first system so this is where you might cry. Also where you're trying to show your emotions show you're sad or you're going to raise your voice. You're going to do things to try to Either distance or pull towards others so the first system is social engagement. The next system. This is where if after if your body realizes nobody's helping you like you're on your own. This is where your parents synthetic. Nervous system gets activated. And this is your fight flight. Freeze your body is like fine. Screw it now. It's time to mobilize and this is where your body is going to act. This is now your chest area. Cry This is your heart and this is your lungs k. So if you notice that your heart rate increases when you get stressed and you're breathing generally gets a lot more shallow. That's your body saying. Get me the hell out of here. Okay I'll write because it's trying to get you out of danger. Think of think of animals in the wild and how the go together or they'll flee if a big a big lion comes all of the animals flee they go away okay so this third system if over time and this is what you see. Oftentimes in chronic stress so individuals who have chronic illness. Or if you're in a chronic toxic relationship or long term toxic relationship with someone you love a family member when you're exposed to another Nervous system because we coal regulate our nervous systems okay we. That's that when people say. Oh feel their energy. That's your nervous system talking to their energy. Their nervous system okay. So when if the if you're faced with a chronic stressor that you can't get help for and you can't get out of then now. Your body goes into mobilization. And this is where basically it's below your diaphragm and now this when your gut gets involved. So maybe you've heard about gut health and how important this is when your body. Your brain thinks men now now. We're on lockdown. Now the shit hit the fan and and particularly now. It's very timely. Now we're actually going to. We have to bunker down and get ready for. This is going to be a long winter. So this is where you start to see individuals with Gi problems digestive disorders things like ibs things like krones or having gird air diarrhea people will either not be able to eat. They won't keep anything on or the overeat again. When your body isn't feeling safe or isn't regulating it's up regulating or down regulating too much. It feels unsafe and so this is hierarchical and when it gets to this part of our brain. This is the oldest part of our brain and generally. This is where humans are very unique because most other mammals can get themselves out of things but so most other animals don't have to access this part of the brain where it's there's only one part is the one one part of it the hippocampus and so this is where the oldest part of our brain. This is where you don't see other mammals so there's a book out. There called why zebras don't get ulcers and it's because humans will stay in bad situations even if we have a choice even if we actually have the power to get out of it. We still stay sometimes this particularly in relationships or jobs. We don't flee so that's where humans are very different than other mammals and particularly when we're talking about relationships so again think about how when you're thinking it then when I said earlier that this is hierarchical this the first systems or social engagement with our head our mobilization and our immobilization our social engagement. If we can get help that will inhibit our mobilization from happening so insecure attached individuals. They're actually going to ask for help when they need it. They're going to ask for directions when they need it. They're going to serve when they need it. But if you're more avoided you're not and you you're going to. You're going to repress that and you're feel alone and isolated but the reality is is that we are social we are meant to be connected and so when you bring this and think about this from the perspective of when we think about this within relationships and particularly when we think about it in sex you can imagine how over time are are feeling scared. Moving forward that push pull that happens in relationships again. In an outside of the bedroom you can see how that dance happens. And so it's really important for you to keep in mind. Oftentimes you'll hear people. I just got to trust your gut. Just got to trust your gut and if you know the feels something weird with somebody than than assume you know if you feel like someone's lying to you than your relationship with your partners. Lying Trust your gut. Well that's generally the case for people who are more regulates adequately well but if you're in a toxic relationship assume that your gut is fucked. Assume that you're like screw you like I am. I'm out for the winner like we are not communicating. So this idea that you might trust your gut. Unfortunately your gut is not working right now. So this is where you actually need to begin to reconnect with your body. And that's why so much work is focused on mindfulness breath work. Those are strategies to begin to reconnect with your body. Because as much as we know that Oh we can gain perspective and you can think about challenge those negative thoughts and better control them. You actually can't because by the time you're already spiralling in the thick of it your body's like the damage is done. The moment has happened. The panic attack or your bags are packed or or you're already engaged in that argument. All of those things are already happening because your body is used to actually reacting this way. It thinks it's the only way this is so To Matic and that's one of the biggest things that I want you to appreciate. Is How automatic. These things are because oftentimes particularly in unhealthy relationships. It is natural to blame yourself. It is natural to feel weak and stupid. And how could I do this? Oh but the reality is that again. Your Body knows I. Your body is trying to protect you. Your body's trying to keep you alive so think about the three systems and begin one of the things. I always say whenever you start feeling either. Event that shaky any of those physical symptoms jess begin to put your hand on your heart. Touch is the most efficient way to regulate the most efficient way. Even if it's your touch to actually tell your body that it feels it safe so try all right guys. Thanks so much for listening. I hope this was helpful. Please give me an appreciate any comment or if you have any questions about this. I know I put a lot in this video. So I'll break it down some more but feel free to check out my website at. Www dot Dr Catalina dot.

partner Lawson poly Bagel University of Illinois Chicago Steven Porges krones Newark Paulie Bagel ulcers professor polly
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

13:22 min | 2 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Today. I'd like to talk to you about connecting. So if right now you are feeling incredibly stressed or worried or anxious. You are not alone. The reality is is that anxiety feeds on uncertainty and fear and the corona virus has provided a feeding ground for anxiety all throughout the world so amidst this current crisis. I think it's a really important time for us to connect with ourselves and with others so that we can together get through this as smoothly as relatively possible so I wanna take this first off by just getting you to begin to think. How have you been connecting? Have you been finding yourself if you are quarantined or self quarantining or an end properly social distancing this can be a very big period of isolation particularly if you do live on your own or if your partner family is stuck somewhere else? Because they can't get back for whatever reason so if you're feeling alone we already knew before. Krona CAIN here. Loneliness already was its own epidemic and now with the corona virus. I feel like so of us are going inward and because we can't go outward and would we're going inward were having to process all of these fears all these emotions pretty much on our own. So what I wanted to do is really. Take this time to figure out how we're connecting with ourselves and how we're connecting with others. I know that I've been certainly pretty triggered been triggered by people who are either minimizing it and if this is by no means my fending. This is my personal experience But when I read things on social media that one or Mallon formed or incorrect but also have seen. I find myself triggered when people are feeling scared and panicked. I know my immediate reaction is off okay particularly by facebook or something. I'll text that friend and I'll reach out but then I've also noticed myself kind of refraining from engaging in certain connections and if I've already checked in on these people that I find myself not necessarily going to maybe all of the same goal tubes that typically go to as far as my relationships so I sailed that in that I personally am surprised at what is triggering. What I'm what resonating to what I'm wanting to connect to and throughout this really been trying to stay as present as possible and as connected to myself. I live on my own and right now with work and everything. I am lucky enough to be able to work primarily from home and and certainly. I feel isolated. So if you're feeling isolated and even if you have your family around you but you're noticing that your inches one of the biggest things that anxiety is going to do is that it's it's going to protect you and you can either put guards. Perhaps you're feeling a little bit more distant from other people or even or just overwhelmed. When you're too overwhelmed your body will just kind of go autopilot? Okay making the kids dinner okay. I'm I'm doing this work. I'm sending these emails. I have this conference call with everything. Go a lot of jobs in virtual right. Now you're juggling a lot of things in a new workspace. So much of the corona virus has put us in new situations with no preparedness. And we're having to just chest so amidst this adjustment. Think it's really important to ask yourself how connecting with my self so beginning to think about how your body is actually feeling and one noticing expecting that your body is going to feel a bit more stressed than it typically does which means that. Maybe you're a bit more tense on your shoulders. Maybe a breathing swim faster. You know if you don't have a fever right now if you're feeling more sweaty or generally feeling more fatigued you're not sleeping. Well what is your body starting to tell you? What are your reactions? Argue finding yourself more irritable. Are you finding yourself more quiet? Are you needing com? All of those ships. Your body may be doing. Is your body trying to keep itself steady so we begin to notice what your body's doing? How were you sitting when you're at your table or or when you're watching TV? Are you find yourself? More crouched over. Are you opening yourself up purely by opening ourselves up in keeping our head high? We actually are welcoming this energy and we're bracing ourselves to to whatever is coming towards us it in soothes confidence in our body. So one thing to keep in mind is that to take care of yourself into connect with yourself through this give yourself a lot of padding like assume that you're walking around and you meet all these beds around you right now so that your body feels safe k. And it feels protected right now because again if unfortunately you have the curve in a virus or you're worried because you know someone who does or. You're feeling isolated. All of those things are putting your body in stress so you got to give it some padding pay when you're connecting with yourself and what are some things that we can do to connect with our cells throughout the corona virus? Try going for a walk outside. And if you're in a big city and you're worried about being close again keep ten feet away but go outside and get some vitamin D. If it's super gray where you are in. La It's been pretty rainy and miserable for la but but still try to get yourself out in breathing some air pain and in trying to actually give yourself spotty. Some assume that it's under stress. It's needing to get rid of some of that so really trying to actually get else shake out some of that angst or that that fear that your body naturally may experience right now. Okay so the other thing is is to really when you're connecting with yourselves. One thing is is to be very mindful of how you're processing all of this information you know particularly if you are on social media lot of there's a lot of things that are going around some of it's accurate some of. It's not be mindful of your own overwhelm and make your own boundaries for yourself of how much you WanNa watch the news like I know for me. I kinda finish my gay and I'm like okay. I need at least thirty minutes to an hour of my shot in news for the day so like turn on Youtube. It'll catch up on things look online and do it for me. I gotTa do it before. Like nine o'clock because I need to start settling down because it is so triggering for me I get so set and this is not just because the krone of in general. When I watched the news I tend to get very triggered. So so be mindful of how you're actually processing a lot of this information and making sense of it know that your brain may take some time to actually organized this and make sense of it right now. We're all in this mode of okay. Just get through it. Just get through it. Just you know if you're starting work from home this week or if you've been doing it you're starting to get adjusted you know just know that you're still adapting all still very much at the front end of this and still adapting and then one thing is is really noticed how your body is feeling when you're reading things are when you are watching the news or seen posts notice what becomes arouse notice. Do you get more tense. You get more shaky. And that's when I want you to put your hand on your chest and just give yourself a little bit of love to just tell your body you're safe and that and then carry them but again keeping some boundaries there. The other thing that I recommend to do connect yourself is engage in pleasure. Whatever pleasure that may be. Certainly masturbation fits within this and this is a time where particularly if you did just get paid time off and you don't actually have to work from home right now. Use this as an opportunity to explore yourself. Connect with your body. That's an opportunity where we don't have time for these things so one of the things that are on fire setting is doing is trying to slow us down if you are an individual who is still in the thick of it and you're working in hospitals or you're working and you are. You're still in the grind again. This is even more important for you to re fuel your body. You know so that you can carry on while keeping yourself healthy strong and safe and connected to yourself. So begin to see what resonates. What's feeling pleasurable to your body? Again that can include touching yourself or playing with yourself but it also can include listening to music. It can make yourself a playlist and come up with fun songs. Today I went for a run on the beach because I was just feeling so agency that I like went out on the beach and I looked for pump dance or something like that next thing. I know. I'm like listening to eight mile. We'd like with. It was like metal rock in the background. I have no idea what it was but it was actually quite fun and I found myself like running like this and when I say running. It's more of a walk anyways so. This is an opportunity for you to engage in pleasurable activities. Do the fun hobbies that you generally forgot to do or like knitting if you are were into that and you forgot to do that or you. Just haven't done it for years. Paint do whatever it is you know. Connect with something that is brings you pleasure enjoy because when we get hits a pleasure body refuels again and it. It's another opportunity for us to connect with ourselves and to Actually Reef. You'll keep our bodies strong okay. And how can you connect with others so first off? Technology is great so sending face timing people. Skyping them sending voice memos sending mid video messages again. One of the things. That's happening right now. I don't know if you are working from home but the Internet's no matter what time of day it is definitely a little slower to girly if you are in a city and there is a lot of buildings around you and a lot of people are using the same. Internet. Unfortunately it's a little slow so take video and then text it you know or or start using things like snapchat or tick tock things like that to really just share your moment's. Those are opportunities for us to connect the krona virus absolutely can isolate and with social distancing. I think it's really important for us to begin to get creative. Particularly say you're in a long distance relationship or for some other reason your partner can't be with you or your family can't be with you right now. Maybe they're sick or maybe you can't go get out. Whatever the reason is if you make those calls make those connections ring up that friend..

partner Actually Reef facebook TV fever Mallon
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

11:00 min | 3 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"That starts with Being able to just come on we just sat right like all the parts of ourselves are okay like to and to embrace all aspects of ourselves aspects of ourselves and In honor them honor them and and in doing so that opens up the potential for someone else or others to honor those parts of ourselves as well and and and meet us there and fulfill us in those aspects One hundred percent. I think a little bit of what we talked about. Last time was was this the difference between that co-dependency and again by always always think of it as individuals walking side-by-side ta which other doesn't have to be in Mesh like that and and it also. It's going to be like this. You know and that I think that particularly in long term relationships this expectation of that okay are rich. That's the security but in that if beer's off of that that scary what's happening but it's execution we are aren't going to evolve and we would stay static imposing on relationships I actually limiting whereas that could be actually highly expensive to actually think. Okay actually this Whenever this trigger whatever this tension could be an opportunity to actually explore because something's triggering one or the other or maybe both and it's impacting your relationship and it's figuring out? Okay well one breaking in a little bit down for them but then also identifying one are there the individual needs and what. How does this impact the relationships that they can you know satisfy but also acknowledged as needs? Even if they can't be satiated in the moment you know I think that it's a it's a really important point of What is the purpose of your relationship right so a lot? The people think herbs relationship is this supposed to make me happy and that's the dependent relationship is so easy like you'll we're so conditioned with that were so like it's so ingrained engrained us all the movies at auto but so many of them support that and it use. Aa Pop culture. You know so it's like this are supposed to make me happy and they're not making me happy so they're out you know but what if your purpose is to grow and evolve in your consciousness you know and and you come together relationship for that purpose you know then if you have a challenge or there's a trigger. Something is not a bad thing. It's a good good thing because it's allowing you to evolve in your consciousness and you're you're committed to that with your partner you know. No that's what I feel like That's what my relationships based on. All my release really my close relationships friendships or partner are based on that and people that are on this. You know if you WANNA call. There's people have different teams spiritual partnership for soulmate relationship or whatever word. You want US hottest relationships. It's it's it's. It's a different reason for coming together. You know you understand that there's GonNa be some challenges is GonNa be some things that you know. Push some buttons. And but that's why you're in it you you know you're committed to that process learning and growing involving waking consciousness. You know so it's a it's a it's a different Yeah it's a different. It's a different purpose attention. Which makes the difference well and on one of your early? I think it was probably maybe within like maybe a month ago one year. podcasts of Your Ryan Appear Grassi. PODCAST you were talking about also the side of how sometimes we just go with not even to the extent of it being a toxic relationship. Yeah but we're not just end up forgetting what what our purpose of what our needs are from those relationships and disapproving nosing ignoring them and then and not listening even those oftentimes. We know you know we know a little bit but we own attend to that. Were not honest with it. You know yeah and so but we just keep on feeding into a relationship and hoping hoping that we will get that from the other again. It's always this external like oh I can grab it from them. I can get it from them. You know that so much of that dry actually can keep us from allow that was to kind of cloud our lens of actually what we're actually meeting and in how much we're not satiated. Not In our cells. Yeah I think it it starts with presents. You know being present moment allows us to be aware of what's really happening inside us and and and be able to be where of our thoughts and our you're feelings feelings huge. Obviously we have so much. But I've used to feeling Arnold is now being aware of your feelings being aware of your your thoughts and aw being able to acknowledge an honor them. One hundred percent will and appreciating the feelings and emotions. Sounds are what you're feeling in the moment and actually just embracing them without judgment or without this idea of actually trying to manipulate it you. Yeah so many people and I'm sure you've heard it. I just WANNA be happy. I just WanNa find joy I just I just I just don't even know what would make me happy. You know and and I think that it is Those one that that large expectation around our feelings that rather than just is being present and actually seeing how our motions will constantly shift how that subtle difference of of our awareness actually can can change a lot but it's really hard to get people to two one go from particularly when they first present at least in therapy to go from. Oh I I just WANNA be happy just miserable in my life. I just WanNa be happy to then or in my relationship to to actually attention And figuring out how rootless and how emotions and feelings all of the spectrum are part of that pathway. Yeah I totally agree. Just being aware and president moments and again like just honoring would is in embracing like beating. This untouchable issue for the moment. Whatever the feeling is whatever the office whatever the In the in the body is yet to dispute presence in see it as part of yes and that which is divine and say grooten your view absolutely well and I feel like that actually like even in this in our in our energy that I'm actually in the process of this actually feel like this is a great place I feel like a lot of the take homes of one just reconnecting with you has just really reminded me to be present and president. Do the moment we present to the authenticity of the moment of ourselves in those moments and you could hear it in just sharing the space with you. I mean we're on complete opposite. Parts of the continent is this connection. And this warm embrace you know and throughout our conversations. I felt that flow really really. Can't even thank you enough. I think it's been it's I'm excited I got your link about your Wednesday. They shows your Wednesday groups so I'm excited to join that community learn more awesome And and literally I think so so much of what we talked about is applicable to so many different things and while again my show is about six months shot spot. It is about the centrality of of ourselves and more ourselves at the heart of it. In how how we embrace ourselves I you know it really does make the best sex next. That's that's that's the root of what it is you know. That's one of the things that like you know Did you know todd. There from people is There's of course there's there's different techniques weeks in different things knowing knowing the anatomy all these things has its place has value. But if you're not present I think women especially notice like if you're not present all all that knowledge so now your presence and you have some technique and you understand understand unanimity. That's awesome you know with the presence is foundation. You know it's it's really the foundation of Contra is is really Presence we know. That was something that I felt was a through line of like everyone. That's exploited deeply as we'll that's that's where it starts being present being authentic. Can I share some ways for people two hundred percent lease deal absolutely right so you mentioned the Wednesday groups. There's a there's a private facebook group that have APP that meets online every Wednesdays and people can join us there with people from all over the world so it's fine people from different places in perspective. Just a really open hearted supportive energy where you can share more vulnerably openly I do personal sessions with people Online imagine most people will be not Ryan but there is in person as well so those options We mentioned the what is his tonsure. PODCAST so you can join in at and share that people That's become non-aligned Lewis soon and we have retreats that we do we do. The breath work workshops one coming up in Atlanta. Wanted Ashville sound retreat happening in Florida. So there's in person events happening to end Couple books big low in wild now or can get so Yeah I'm excited to continue this journey with people in grateful to bail for you can lean for famous space allows people to have these conversations. Absolutely well I will like I said I will put links to all of these things in the show notes and and I can't thank thank you enough like I can't thank you enough for being here with me today. And the other day and the and the deck and Elvis stuff and and really eh you for all of your work. You've touched so many individuals and so many families you know you're bringing your own experience in your warm heart in your presence dance. I'm Disa- strongly grateful for so.

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

17:32 min | 3 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Have you been feeling lonely whether you're single or in a relationship loneliness epidemic that is now grown so large we're not even sure how to deal with it so this week we're going to be talking about loneliness and ways you can cope between what we know and what we actually do when it comes to sex relationships and health thanks so much for joining me this week in my first show I began to talk about all of these factors that can influence and really bring down our sexuality pretty and challenge us as individuals and one major factor two that is when we feel lonely lonely this is now an epidemic the surgeon last surgeon general really began to open up the world's eyes to how prevalent loneliness is and the need for us to begin to act loneliness this is contributes to so many levels of distress and the interesting thing with loneliness is that it actually doesn't matter if your inner relationship or if you're single or if you have a lot of support or not so many people still feel lonely when they have all of that a recent study showed that particularly amongst elderly individuals loneliness in relationships amongst individuals who are living with a partner rates can vary from twenty five to sixty percents and and that in general loneliness increases with age that doesn't mean that teenagers and individuals and young adulthood in their twenties and thirties they're experiencing loneliness too loneliness doesn't have just a particular demographic nick it doesn't have just a particular target loneliness can affect us all I know me I'm I consider myself one of the most let's just say I'm pretty extroverted and in pretty gregarious but I know I felt only notes can be really scary dark moments in working with clients and supporting my friends when we L. Lonely it's challenging there's not a lot that it can feel like actually we'll make the loneliness go away but one of the most important things to keep in mind is that loneliness is a subjective experience meaning that it is is your experience and it's based on your reality in the Lens you're feeling in that moment and unfortunately the this subjectivity can grow and that feeling can just be our baseline but it's important to know Oh that loneliness is not just being alone and I really say that because I do think that oftentimes uh-huh when we think about loneliness we tend to think of it just as for people who maybe don't have export networks or who are single but more and more studies are showing that in relationships plenty of people are feeling alone and disconnected and one of those things is that you end up seeing that they're not dissatisfied dissatisfied with their relationships but they're satisfied with themselves and their lives that's why loneliness is such an overwhelming feeling one of the things we know about our feelings is that our motions we're going to come and go and they may be lots of waves and we can feel so out of control but there is help because while we can't control those emotions what we can control is actually sitting with them and moving through them then beginning to control the thoughts and how we respond to these emotions and that's where we can then begin to see mood lifting and begin to actually not feel so lonely so that's really what I want to talk about today is I know that when we think about our sexuality and we think about these things and relationships and how are we navigate these this existential reality of how we are alone and only reliant on ourselves actually can feel really overwhelming and some people think oh well that's just awful to think about but it's actually can be empowering because we are only in control of ourselves is up to ourselves to choose how we want to live and doesn't mean we have to feel lonely that means that we can feel empowered so one of the things that I'd like us to begin to to talk about is I just actually acknowledging acknowledging that loneliness exists and I want you to take some time think about winning your life have you felt lonely because it's probably a reality that sometime maybe you have if you have your part of a pretty big crowd and hopefully those moments of in passing but for those of you where loneliness has actually that's been the pervasive experience that you felt and that's where you kind of been living this is your chance to actually begin to just slowly pick yourself back up and that starts by I just acknowledging ah you are feeling lonely embracing that loneliness and actually just labeling it an acknowledging your humanity acknowledging that loneliness is awful how does it feel for you how does your experience of cleaness feel what is that experience for you loneliness may actually look different by different people and the number one thing is for you to actually just begin to acknowledge it and not judge it particularly if you are in a relationship and what often happens is is that individuals will feel like I've so much to be lucky for why how could I potentially not feeling lonely when their allegations is that again loneliness is your experience so first thing is to just acknowledge it don't minimize it acknowledged it because it's there and again you're not alone so start by just acknowledged ching that you're feeling lonely try not to judge it try not to say that you're being weak or that this is another excuse for you to your wanting more or or your unrealistic or you can't handle life once you've been able to do that now the next step is it seem completely counterintuitive now the next step is actually to learn to sit with that loneliness oftentimes what happens when individuals are lonely as they withdraw they start distancing themselves from loved ones or you're from work or from their daily activities because they're feeling powerless and they're feeling alone and they feel like they that becomes a coping strategy another way again generally it it will feel more like extremes is that sometimes individuals will over engage try to suppress us that loneliness and and end up feeling needy and attaching themselves thinking Oh if I just have this or do that it's in my relationship or find this relationship or or focused more on my children or focus more my work and and maybe that will help me feel less lonely well what ends up happening is is that there's this urgency this urgency to escape that a dreadful feeling of loneliness but actually never really giving it space and actually dealing with it moving through that feeling so your body begins to learn nope I can't feel this once I feel that emotion what I feel only I gotta do this I got it react and then over time unfortunately those reactions become habits and that just ends up being the way we continually response wand over and over again through this what you need to be doing is actually just sitting and with that emotion beginning to put some boundaries around how you're sitting with it and whether that means doing this on your own or even going to some type of meditation or listening to one actually just experiencing and feeling that loneliness I want you to to try to sit with those feelings because what you're gonNA find is that it's going to keep pushing that loneliness is going to keep pushing you pushing you and pushing you and that's right when you get to that edge that what you'll find is that moment will pass and you'll actually start building strength and how you're able to just sit with that raw scary emotion an overwhelming sense of loneliness but that emotion will love as you begin to sit without emotion you will actually begin to notice how it evolves but then you lost you begin to trust that it will evolve again we don't have control over our motions what we have control over what we think and how we act so by beginning to just sit when you are feeling overwhelmed and lower any by beginning to just pause and sit with those emotions and observed them and acknowledge and give them space that is where you are beginning to heal yourself and beginning to access those emotions so that you can actually work on the thoughts senior actions around them and I know that that can feel really easier said than done and I'm sure that perhaps you've heard of how you just have to sit and tolerate that emotion I mean this is what a lot of mindfulness and meditation techniques really begin to address is that sitting that increasing your distress tolerance in that moment in building up that muscle to tolerate it because again it is not easy so begins short start with when you feel it okay just commit to saying okay you know what I'm actually just going to feel this for thirty seconds or a minute and then move if you need to if your reaction to when you're feeling lonely is to actually try tried to distract yourself okay that is a strategy that's worked for you don't necessarily feel like you got to get rid of it so quickly but begin to challenge this Saddiqi because that strategy is telling you nope you can't handle it gotta go gotta gotTa move on gotta get the emotional way but the loneliness is still there okay so begin to just try to sit with that emotion for even thirty seconds or a minute and then as you begin to sit this where oftentimes breath work and and mindfulness really can come in and we can certainly we're going to be exploring that more another so it's but this is where you begin to actually have a self practice of pausing and sitting without ocean and beginning to actually work with so just start small even if your reactions have been to actually isolate and withdraw so when you're feeling that again now maybe do the opposite in that moment where maybe you're not necessarily to the point where you want action engage with others but begin to actually shift your body change the way you're breathing to actually begin to stop that the process that automatic process the next thing I want you to do once you begin to actually are able to sit and acknowledge without judging and sit with that feeling of loneliness now let's begin to observe the thoughts water see what's coming up in your head as far as what are the thoughts surrounding this loneliness some common thoughts people will feel or is that no one loves me I'm not loveable they generally is an either I'm not worthy of love I'm not worthy of a good relationship I'm not worthy of or I don't deserve to actually be fully unconditionally loved oftentimes it's these messages is that actually tell us I deserve to be alone so once we begin to actually observe our thoughts this then opens up the opportunity for us to then begin to actually control them begin to actually challenge serves thoughts looking at okay you're not crazy there's been things that have been happening that have brought you to a place and time shoe okay this is why this happens whether it be messages that you grew up with from your family or in your current relations ship this is where you begin to build up that evidence acknowledge it say okay yeah this is what's happened to me this is where I learned this for myself this is why I think this but then you gotta balance that out this is where challenging comes in because okay what's the evidence against it her identifying in highlighting some of your strengths and working from strength based place a place that where you begin to actually embrace your authentic self the things that make you you rather than starting to seeing those as out that's what Komo leads to why I feel rejected why I feel alone actually starting to begin to say well what they're these sides about need that actually make me special that these are the things that make me me that begins to challenge the goal overwhelming those overwhelming negative thoughts to then just neutralize them to begin to actually say okay you know what I've had it rough my nation ships have been challenged and I know that I have control and that I've also am a loving person I know that I do support others with love and so today Mexico going to move through the slowness and I'm going to take care of myself in this moment by doing whether that whatever it is that you need to do for your own self care de powering that negative thought that overwhelming negative thought so getting yourself to a place where you can actually control that negative thought and actually feel that control and then bringing it to the present moment of what you're doing in this moment to.

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"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

12:38 min | 3 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"The magazine but each one of us had our own little private personal snow page and on my personal page. I talked about polly emery. wasn't actually trying to write like a resource for poly-amorous yeah. I was writing basically for the early version of me. Who is you know screwing things up and getting things wrong and stuff like that we woke up one day and and the police section of the site was more important more widely visited than the rest of the site and then and when was it it was sometime in the mid nineties Montel Williams the talk show host did a segment about polly emery and we woke up and we had a an alert from our ISP that the website had exceeded its bandwidths because people went online after the episode and I started googling poly-amorous and they found the pages on zero against so it kind of exploded from there now and I kept adding adding on a kept adding on but I was I was writing a resource that was like for the younger version of me. I wasn't setting out to write what it it automatically became and then it got so popular and worked the rest of the site to such an extent that I took all the police stuff and I moved them onto their own domain. which is where more than two came from so zero? MAG still exists than it's my personal site. Now magazine is now defunct but all of the police stuff has been shifted over to more than two dot com cool okay well and I definitely saw a lot of overlap between what you have up on more than two dot com as well as what you have in more than two your book definitely it seemed like there was you shared so much of your you and ease experiences. France's I mean it just sounds like it was such an organic one. I mean you're amazing writer and so for you to just so openly just begin to share this. It's then and then actually to just continue and particularly. It almost sounds like you're saying everything was really for this younger you in Ben Naive as you you know that it almost I can imagine was bitten a journaling process for you of making sense and integrating your own experience into who you arnout to write in a lot of it was yes the early Pali community didn't have a lot of institutional knowledge and there wasn't a lot of real understanding of what works and what doesn't so if you trace the the pollock community when it first started to develop from the early nineteen nineties ninety s up through today you'll see that it has gone through a lot of really significant shifts and one of those shifts actually is a move away from the idea idea that Paul is something that couples do toward an idea that is something that people do as the early policy was very much a couples plus kind window approach to poly-amorous where there was an emphasis on the couple there was always a central couple and then they had secondary outside partners and that caused housed a lot of damage that cost a lot of harm to people and there wasn't a lot of institutional knowledge really about why that approach could be damaging because because people were so concerned. I think that would harm the couple that Paul was this dangerous thing that needed to be controlled million. Really we believe that other partners needed to be kept at arm's length so that they wouldn't wouldn't hurt the core couple. Gotcha Gotcha Cha well. You know I think that actually reminds me to take one quick. Step back and get your definition of poly-amorous and considering that but but can you give me your definition of how you how you I guess introduced poly-amorous or see or describe even so I would think that at its core is basically any romantic relationship that involves more than two people and the core were components of it are romantic relationships so it's not purely recreational sex. There's an expectation of continuity and an expectation of emotional connection and more than two. There's three or more people involved somehow. polly emery can take a lot of different forms. There are still many people who do who a couple centric model where they have a primary couple and then they have secondary partners there are people who do more Egalitarian poly-amorous networks. There are open networks works. There are closed Paulie families. It's all very well and I felt like you in your book. You were using poly-amorous and ethical non nominee as almost interchangeable would you is that fair or they're still terms out there using right so it's a little bit more complicated than that. I think that ethical non monogamy is essentially anything that involves more than two people with the understanding outstanding that it's honest and the people consent to be included in it but for example swinging is ethical non monogamy people sometimes have entered mile rules that would be a key a type of ethical non monogamy people do like closed group swinging or friends first swinging which are forms of ethical non monogamy. Oh gimme that are not necessarily the same poly you WANNA go down. Okay Kitty. You may go down. I am definitely cat slave but all of those things are under the umbrella of ethical alone monogamy but they're not necessarily the same as Paul Lammari Gotcha okay well and I feel like I've seen all these diagrams yeah. I made a big one a while back and yeah. It got a little bit out of hand. I mean and I do think I guess the one thing about Paulie Ameri which I really appreciate I feel like does distinguish itself is is the relationship component of it now and which very much shifts it from just being open to and that's where I felt like one of the biggest things I got from from exploring your work is how much so many of the tenants that you talked about in. Pali are really fundamental to any relationship. you know that's something that some of the reviewers of the book of side as well. It's a book that you can take the ideas is that we talk about and apply them to business partnerships to friendships to family relationships. You know essentially any kind of human interpersonal relationship absolutely Louis and that's what I actually I and it's so interesting because I feel like on one hand people. Who are maybe just very you. Pauly's very new to them or it's foreign. I mean the number of the number of friends or clients or even you know. Particularly Physicians in the healthcare have is just not a term that they even are familiar with you know will be they will be no it. Definitely I feel like things are shifting quickly. You know and actually WanNa talk about outback because how it's shifting is interesting to me and you've mentioned it a little bit but but I'll get to that in a second but it does seem like there's immed- There's so many assumptions to to two at the actually threaten just the dialogue of understanding and with all the all all the different labels of whether it be identity or the relationship status I feel like sometimes it actually overwhelms people you know that often definitely they can't actually engage in really just exploring where someone else's that and seeing how they define things and there's a huge amount of baggage edged people pack into their relationships and into the way they think about relationships without even necessarily being aware that they're packing it in so for example you'll hear people say things like well isn't polly emery for people who can't commits which is really weird because if you can't commit to one person you sure can't commit two three or four or polly emery is for people who are sex addicts and leaving aside the idea that sex addiction is not really accepted in the medical community at all there are a sexual people who are poly-amorous so they're all of these assumptions and all of these strange. Clinton interpretations that people will pack into the idea of polly emory that you need to unpack before you can even start having these conversations absolutely well. I mean I guess along along those lines. One of the common myths that you've talked you address was was this idea of Os just an excuse to cheat when that is the I mean gene will let you clarify it but because the idea that poly-amorous cheating is seen side by side is the most ironic thing now so people forget what the word cheating means cheating doesn't mean having sex with somebody else. Cheating means breaking the rules right. If if we're playing poker Fokker it's cheating to look at another player's cards. If I'm playing a different card game that lets me look at other players cards that's not cheating by definition and and if I am in a relationship where it's not against the rules to have other partners dot cheating yeah yeah well and I think that I think I feel like one of the biggest tenants of that Paul Ameri. I mean part of the ethical part of it it. I guess I really appreciate of it. Is that first and foremost it's about transparency. Ideally there are people who do what is called you don't ask don't tell pommery and there can be some problems with that in the real world that creates situations situations that make it very difficult for the people outside of that court couple to feel safe and and we talk about some of those more. I've been to but there are people who approached appalling emory is not necessarily transparent well and that was definitely something. I'm happy you brought up because throughout how even just meeting people who were poly or and who really publicly identify themselves as polly or clients who still when they meet someone new will have a real hard time about being transparent even if they don't have the don't ask don't tell policy and I guess I'm wondering like what have you seen or some of the barriers are some of the things that maintain the lack of transparency even amongst individuals who are kind kind of have been engaging in Pali relationships for a while there are a couple things that can really sort of become a problem there one of them is that none none of us just springs fully formed out of the head of Zeus we are all kind of the products of the environment that we grew up in and the particularly holy the ideas about relationships that you know were given from the time wearing diapers and when you approach poly-amorous or a history history of monogamy in many monogamous relationships and I won't say all because certainly there are some there are people in monogamous relationships who do not become come threatened or jealous but in many monogamous relationships it is very common for people to have this idea that if they express interest in another person or even if they find another person attractive they cannot say that it will trigger jealousy it will trigger feelings of threat or abandonment. Vanden meant and so when you live your entire life believing that it is dangerous to express expressed interest in somebody else or even express attraction to somebody else to your partner. It's hard to let go of that overnight and so you can say okay okay well. We're going to be poly-amorous now but you still have to unlearn that you still have to let go of that baggage and honestly there are people all in poly-amorous relationships who still do feel very easily jealous. I've

polly emery Paulie Ameri Paul Lammari polly emery. Montel Williams polly emory France Ben Naive writer pommery Kitty Vanden Pauly Louis Clinton partner one hand one day
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

05:25 min | 3 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Pollyanna maybe you're considering poly-amorous relationship or maybe you've been in one for years or you. Don't even know I know what it is. I'm excited today to welcome Franklin vote to the show so stay tuned and let's explore polly amory. I'm Dr Catalina Lawson. A licensed clinical psychologist and I love talking about sex sex marks. Spot is a podcast that bridges the gap between in what we know and what we actually do when it comes to sex relationships an health okay well. I am delighted to introduce our guest best to the show Franklin vote a leading practitioner educator in go-to Guy when it comes to poly-amorous and ethical non monogamous relationships tips Franklin has been practicing poly-amorous since before the term even existed and launched the leading website resource on Pollyanna Amery more than two dot com in nineteen ninety seven in two thousand fourteen Franklin and his partner either wrote more than two a practical guide to polly emory throughout his public and private adventures Franklin integrates his own experiences as well as those from thousands of individuals and couples around the world world who've shared their hard learned lessons with them Franklin his started and expanded conversations on ethical non monogamous relationships how to navigate them and how to grow and expand love for yourself and others through them. It's so great to meet you. Franklin again. I am so honored and supersized oversight to have you on the show. It's wonderful to be here. Hi Hi okay well. Why don't we just start off. I gave you a little bit of an intro. Definitely clarify anything anything I messed up but can you give me a little bit of background about your journey with Paulie and like what led you to even sharing this experience variance so openly and definitely actually going through the effort of creating these wonderful resources for everyone okay so that's kind of kind of long story because I've I have never been in a monogamous relationship in my life even when I was a kid monogamy really didn't make a whole lot of sense to me like yeah you know I didn't. I didn't understand why people wanted it. I didn't understand this entire. Idea of you know you should devote yourself to just one person and you can never have more than not when I was in high school. I took two people to my high school senior prom which raised a few eyebrows okay those two guys two girls but I've never been in a monogamous relationship. The problem is that I never knew that there were other people who like me either so actually when I got out of school and I went into the real world I started dating women who ultimately became my first wife and she was monogamous and came from a very traditional Italian Catholic background so as you can imagine there was some tension in our relationship we didn't. We didn't really understand each other in a lot of ways and I think it's amazing that we held together for as long as we did because we were together for eighteen years even without really understanding what we both wanted. I told told her of course early on in the relationship that monogamy was not something that was important to me. She was actually the first of the two of us while we were together who who had an outside lover over and for a while she and I and my best friend and my best friend's girlfriend were in what would today be called poly-amorous squad. Although of course we didn't really have that language back. Then this was late nineteen eighty s early nineteen ninety s that this was going on okay so yeah it was It was an interesting experience because we were kind of. We didn't have a community. We were sort of making things up as we went along and so we we got some things things right. We got some things wrong. we ultimately were not able. She announced to make the relationship last because as she put it. This was really well what she wanted. She wanted a traditional relationship. She wanted traditional marriage. She wanted you know that the suburban House with the The white picket fence sense and all of those things and I started writing online on my personal website back then about poly-amorous so I had gone into a project project with a college friend of mine. We started a small press magazine and we created a website for the magazine. You actually tell me when that was where you were in your relationship in your relationship development as far as you exploring poly so there was this was in the mid nineteen ninety S I was still with my ex-wife and a college buddy of mine and I had started a small press underground magazine is called Zero magazine which is why my website is called Zero Mag dot com a- and then each one of us put up it was mostly a magazine that was for a website for the magazine but each one of us had our own little private personal snow page and on my personal page. I talked about polly emery.

Franklin Zero magazine polly amory polly emery Dr Catalina Lawson Pollyanna Amery polly emory underground magazine Paulie partner eighteen years
"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

Sex Marks The Spot

13:41 min | 3 years ago

"spot" Discussed on Sex Marks The Spot

"Are you starving for more sex in your relationship. We'll talk about how you might get. I'm Dr Catalina Lawson. A licensed clinical psychologist and I'd love talking about sex sex marks. The spot is a podcast that bridges the gap between what we know and what we actually do when it comes to sex relationships relationships and health whether it be pure raw sweaty sex or warm intimate cuddles. You're craving thing and not getting despite how much you're trying you are not alone unfortunately recent studies showing that despite the sex positivity out there and how much more we're actually are talking about sex people are actually having less sex than they used to on top of that women now are able to actually voice that they're not as sexually satisfied is maybe men or other women were. We're thinking that they were a common. Myth is that oftentimes in sex than just purely by having it. You'RE GONNA be satisfied and that's certainly not the case but one of the most common reasons for divorce is still sexual dissatisfaction and inherent that is people wanting to have more more frequent sex. Generally men are shown to have be wanting a bit more more focus on the frequency whereas women tend to be more focused on the quality oldie but both are wanting more of it. This is one of the common things that can actually become a massive tension an elephant in the room and generally one of the most IOS common reactions to this is avoidance of sex and so the irony of this is is that even though people are wanting more and more sex they actually become more and more avoidance of actually broaching anything that would actually get them more sex one of the things that often happens when win or one of the terms that often describes when one partner is wanting more sex than the other is. This term called mismatch libidos. This deciding mismatch libido really needs to be taken into context of it's all relative. It's relative to the partner. You're currently with so one of the things to keep in mind is is that at some point or another there's going to be a mismatch and how often you actually are wanting to have sex x or how sexy you feel because again our sexuality changes as life happens whether it be because of our health or work stressors or these milestones allstone such as having a child or menopause whatever it is our sexuality evolves and how much we desire sex ex house actually connected we feel all of those things are going to evolve so when you're actually wanting more sex or less sex than your partner one of the things you gotta keep in mind is is is that this actually may just be a phase and that it's actually really common at some point or another in a long term relationship. There's going to be this mismatch jest. Ask really hard. It's hard enough to find that partner but whether it be about your sexuality or whether you're wanting to do the same activities. There's generally only going to be a mismatch. You're not always going to be on the same page. Sex unfortunately tends to trigger lots of other things in the relationship orbi triggered by lots of other things in the relationship and generally is something that not only breeds frustration craciun but also resentment so let's talk about. What can someone do if they WANNA have more sex than their partner so let's break. Take these down to what are some things that you can do on your own and then what are some things that you can do with your partner. One of the first things is to stop blaming blaming your partner. If you are choosing to stay in this relationship you need to take ownership of that choice and support yourself self and your partner in that choice and do whatever you can on your side because that's all you have control over to to then work towards strengthening the relationship be mindful that absolutely it is common and understandable for you to feel frustrated resentful rejected and ultimately angry here partner for not wanting to have sex as much as you but be mindful of a lot of the assumptions that are pretty natural to make like Oh. They're not attracted to me. Oh maybe they're having an affair or oh. They don't prioritize me. Those are all very common assumptions that you've probably built up and they really though season once they get planted. They're pretty fixed and they just hop to your head really really quickly quickly. So one of the things you want to try and do is actually calm those down. If you WANNA move forward in your relationship you've got to figure figure out how to control these assumptions so that if you actually WanNa make things better and ultimately have more sex these these assumptions are getting in your way so keep in mind instead of when you have these assumptions are blaming your partner check in with yourself and figure out what actually different ways instead of reacting and either getting upset or aggressive or or cold and distant what are some other ways that you can choose to respond that will actually bring you more connection rather than most often often distance. It is natural. If you've heard no not in the mood or no just no no no and that's just pretty much the auto record what's going on every time you make you propose sex or become or make strives towards intimacy make sense that you'd feel rejected and it makes make sense of that may hurt but try not to take it personally. It is natural but when you feel rejected. It's pretty common to then get on the defense because you're experiencing some distance. They're disconnected. Wait a second. I'm awesome and we have amazing sex wise. It's not working. What what is it about me? This can come out as being aggressive passive aggressive distance or cold and again. None of those reactions are actually going going to get you closer to having sex so check yourself. Look at what thoughts are coming up for you and when you're feeling rejected how you can control those thoughts about yourself and then again just like when you're making assumptions about your partner. What are some other ways you can respond when those thoughts come up so overall the next thing is really actually when you're feeling sexually dissatisfied and not getting enough sex one of the biggest things. I also encourage is to look inward rather than outward be mindful of what you're wanting and take a look. At what are the choices you're making that are actually keeping or maintaining this dynamic in your relationship. Maybe what have you been hiding about. What your needs are your desires or your fears are from your partner and hot sax or an intimacy really includes includes trust and you actually need to lean into this trust and into your relationship rather than actually back away and create distance and that's actually one of the hardest things when you're feeling sexually frustrated or feeling unwanted or sexually in your relationships keeping in mind healthy trusting relationship support you and your partner lots of studies have shown that couples also who are in healthy trusting relationships have lower cortisol levels which cortisol the stress hormone that actually wants that increases it causes a whole whole cascade of negative health reactions so the more you're able to lean on and trust her relationship again the better overall health. You'll feel so forth when thinking about things that you can do I say take care of yourself and in yes this includes self pleasure masturbation focus on self pleasure to ignite your own spark and and along the way maybe you'll actually find new things that when you and your partner are ready to reconnect sexually you can show your partner but go too often what we what individuals who are wanting more sex than their partner they keep on wanting that external stimulation when keep in mind and when you're having those orgasms yes you may get the stimulation initially to build up that fire of that promotes a powerful orgasm but it it is you who actually has control over your at Orgasm again it is you who can control your orgasm control that release control that sexual energy so if you're wanting more sex start with yourself start having sex with yourself and again experiment explore explore and unfortunately there's been a lot of taboo around this but now with all of the things out there and all the different sex toys and all the information out there of how to increase and explore your own sexuality with yourself that actually is a very very efficient way to act action to self soothe and quell some of that frustration to open yourself up to actually then work on things with your partner. Let's actually focus on what are some things that you can do with your partner to have more sex first and foremost always recommend to actually talk talk with your partner. Whatever you think may happen. The reality is that you're probably not the only one noticing this. If you're the one who's is wanting more sex. You've probably either spoken up earlier or passive aggressively or aggressively showed your dissatisfaction and you've chosen a partner owner who actually knows you pretty well and so those messed that message out that way of communicating it's already happening so actually by having a conversation and opening it up not in an accusatory way but owning we're your at using is statements of saying. I'm feeling frustration may be scared and sometimes alone because I miss having sex with you. I miss how fun it used to be in how we used to connect start having that conversation because by having that conversation what you've done is actually said Hey. This is a problem for me but it's a problem to our relationship and it's actually worth US talking about it and working through that's how important it is is to me when you're thinking about having this conversation though get yourself ready for it and don't have it at two. AM or when you guys is a exhausted from a long day at work or when already you're fighting actually create a healthy space for it and where you're both open and relaxed to actually have a real conversation about your sexual connection with your partner so another thing to try to have more our sex and relationship and is counterintuitive is this may sound take the focus off intercourse that doesn't always is half to be the goal. The journey can be just as much fun so realistically even though the seems like completely completely opposite and away from where you're wanting to be realistically you're not having as much sex as you would like so stop hitting and yourself against the wall or hitting your head on the wall wanting it and forcing the issue because every time you do that now those little movements those those gestures that you're making your relationship or now triggers and unfortunately what tends to happen is that those triggers those movements are now aversive and they've now said onto that that dynamic or or that process where generally again you're going to have some distance so take the pressure off off intercourse in stop making that the goal start focusing on other aspects and other ways of connecting in your relationship remind remind yourself of what are the qualities that actually made you fall in love with your partner in the first place and what were the reasons and what were their traits and qualities that you actually sleep found attractive and complement your partner remind yourself of feel of what you're grateful for in your partner and all of those things are actually going to bring you closer do little things that show you care grab a coffee for them tidy helping them pack.

partner Dr Catalina Lawson cortisol