20 Episode results for "Seren"
EP 29 - "Marionette"
"Hey everybody brett here. Thanks for tuning in for another episode of rift walkers. Please be sure to check out our twitter at f- f underscore cast for all the latest updates and news flash fantasy as well as check out our website fantasy podcasts dot com now onto the show reunited on the outskirts of threshold not yet inside the city proper but just outside one of its main gates. Everyone has convened outside the copper en ville tavern. It is notable to say that. Luca reese and if ron are traveling with magister so seren visibly kind of like what's going on here. Seren baby house was shaking as you say like an a muffled tin canny voice. Could've this helmet crushed by. A great sword dented. Little seren stands his hand kind of on his belt near his dagger. Looking between the four of you that are just approached these like why are you with a magister understand leary interns to seren san. Obviously that is mick. Who else speaks like that. You'll ride i guess. Sorry i just. I'm not as used to you. All as i guess you are all to each other yet. Mick i'm sorry no offense. No offense is taken at all well. It would be expedient us to enter the city. There are a few ways we could do that. One would include dropping the masters outfitters. That may make things actually harder on my end. Of course the other would be using the matters to outfit. And i sit by the sidelines. Which i am not a fan of and then while back i think vow did you not mention something about using. I intend to get inside. I don't know if that would be the best option at this point. I don't think that it is any longer we could. Also i mean law has happened in the last few hours. We could just call it. It's may not be a bad idea to get some rest. We're doing this. You can inform of how you intend to get us into the city. All just talk to the gods. That's all and reese of is looking at the traffic passing down the road. I'm assuming is at a higher level now than it is at night. Yeah yeah there'd be more foot traffic in the day so kind of drawing attention to this and the only thing that i would say for us going sooner rather than later is it could be to our benefit to try to get into the city amid the hustle and bustle rather than waiting till night or morning when it will be less. I think that is a good plan. Reese a merely suggested waiting for val. He seems to be out of sorts. You're okay with that bell. We can move ahead. City is death trap for me is away nelson. Here's a question. What will be staying once. We make it into city. Or what. do we to expect where once we're in our. I think things should actually get bit easier without the city walls where we're exposed. The is kind of a free rein in within the different boroughs and districts and such the somewhat governed by noble families or god forbid crime families. We want to get into one of those districts but it would be hard off the bat to make our way into one of the more affluent ones. Perhaps so we can start in the middle probably find a good market square or whatnot where we can find room and board. I think is a good place to start. I could get us into an affluent square. I think eventually yes oblivion kanye. You're court right completely. Foregone however right now you generally look like a valentine was it. I don't know but if the measures have less control insides cities and out side of it's perhaps will not be as bad to use it with a short then everyone for going inside the city immediately. I i i i and as for me i am going to remove my robes and will use them will stay in the city very well. I would advise that. Yes maybe skit down a little or something change. yes. I have my own privacy. Yes give me a second. You are trying to pivot tension while this is happening while mix going away leary and turns to ron. with ron. whatever happened the mossy. He was with you got separated. Yes i suppose. I should explain. Massey is very much not what the says. He is definitely. Not manic dwelt run him but even ask him. He managed to keep up so i was only able to evade them by placing myself in the loving gear of the measures. In that. this way you saw me chair in public yes. I was quite curious how you ended up there. It was by my own volition. My assure you mic. Are you ready yet. I am indeed. And i've just back into dress and i am. Francesca okay. Seren kind of looks at the the lot of you and is like well. Now's a good time as any then show. shall we make our way inside yes. Time is of the essence. Right right right got come and follow me please please. An as seren leads your group up to the gate. The wall is around three hundred feet high and probably half as thick and so. This gate is just enormous and there are only a pair of guards that are sort of policing this little line this queue. That's working. Its way in and as you come to the back of it and then slowly work your way to the front one of the gods approaches. And he's like alright didn't how many and saron says to him. Well there's there's myself. My name is sarah gray is and these. Six individuals are also with me. We are traveling inside for for business and the guard looks back. He's like one two three four five six. You're telling the truth is sixty view. And what business exactly. Would you have in the city and sarah's like we are visiting old family friends of ours you roll related then and at this point. Sarah is starting to sweat profusely as he can't tell life and he goes. Yes we are all of us. We are related through our faith. Brothers and sisters lorcy. Then you will. You'll errands for the church. Then what then. Who were you with those of seven and about his business. We are friends of the church. Roll deception please use sarah's going to roll deception as well and roles of beautiful number rolled k. So he kinda look at you. The god is that makes sense that makes sense and seren steps ford. He's like yes. We are from the church of the tin truths and we are here to attend the celebration and the guards like liberation on. That was going on here and the guard turns to the other guard. Who's kind of dealing with the second q. And he's like a mattress comey and mara's hobbles over the two of them kind of confide in each other like kind of turn their backs to you talk and then the one who is just as mariss runs off and then the guard turns back to you a have to submit you. Choose from further questioning. If you were wind at this point vow would like to step up and kind of like put a hand on seren shoulder and tap the the finger that has the signet ring. The human signet ring on it. And say i think it will be in your best interest not to stop us. Oh reload orrin realize you associated yourself with this his crowd. Excuse me he gives a very awkward deep bow. That is too long and like right before you can tell them to stand up. He dancing and charmer. Yeah would could. I have your name. Please milord valentine. Even side will the captains on his way. He'll check the papers and make sure that your allowed in trine. We should get you in without any any further. Assume puzzle apologize. Yeah i should hope so to speak the speaker. Avail himself furious and this captain who is flanked by four more town watchman approaches with the guard addressed as mariss and he comes up and he looks at the seven of you and he says rights then who speaks for you bowel step forward and just hand him his scroll of pedigree then he takes it and opens it and looks at a little bit. How indepth is this. I would think that it would be in-depth and genuine. In the sense of vow has been adopted by cat asandra. So it shows that your current lineage. Gotcha yeah interesting you then your little fish both interesting you look neither slaps the scroll and hands it back to you and i hope you wouldn't mind my lord but i command the city watching this sector and there is a beyond the lookout currently for a band of suspicious individuals. My name is captain lake. If you'd like to follow me please. I can get you to our local gods station. We have processed very quickly. And you can be on your way insight threshold but you must understand. We are taking extra precautions this afternoon. I understand and if i said we're in a hurry that mean anything to you. If you said you weren't too early it wouldn't matter much to me. In fact it would and then he kinda like twinges just a little bit and he's like but this one time i might make an exception and his arm kind of raises. A little strange leans like. Why don't you just step inside. Thank you very much can check. This is spooky like it. Yeah thank you thank you captain lake and he just pushes past you and start ushering the others. Okay as you're standing there here we go. Don't family now seventeen. You see the faintest. Glint of something in light has if spider silk catching the sun. We'll we'll go to be processed. It's not a problem. No please make your way inside the city. I insist. I think at least luca followed seren there in as this conversation was going on he kind of position himself to be more kind of look like a bodyguard and then You can addresses the guard and says my lord wishes to be processed. You are granted free passage within the city of threshold. Please make your way insight. Do not bother coming to the guard station at the slightest and the one guard. Who just you initially kind of. Has this look on his face. And he's like hey kept in like you will raw names. This is kind of not practical and he looks toward the guard as like not next to me private input anthem about protocol. These folk cleared vow will look leary and and do kind of a little like puppeteer thing with his hand. They slightly from notice those. Were you looking. Yeah well paying attention to the whole thing role perception for me okay. Both these dice are pretty bad. Send you on mine man. I got a four k. You do not notice anything. I mean you notice that. He's acting strangely. But you don't notice. I don't see vows little you may have seen valves little hand movement but you don't have anything to connect it to and by this time. Val you actually like. You've kind of lost sight. If there was something there okay and so make also is looking do do i notice ain't got a role that is twenty four to noticed the glint off of an ethereal string but only for a second can guy i kind of whispered to if ron which i'm assuming is kind of either next me or in front of me. Yeah we're all kind of huddled together except harrison luca who have gone forward with sarah. Okay so very discreetly. I try to say to a fron from something. Strange about the is i noticed. He was moving strangely. But boy i thought. I saw something similar to what we saw it. Count algiers state with we. saw anything. spiderweb is going on mirian addresses. The guard will captain no offense. I think we will follow your privateer and do the things the proper way. So the the private his the strange look on his face and he he looks at the captain. He's like captain. You quite sure about this not processing them. I mean if they and then he twinges for a second. And then they both look at each other in unison. And then they look back at vow and lear and they're like processing. Yes that would be best. Please follow me. And the captain turns on his heel and him in these four guards who start to round up. Luca seren and reese and sounds like no no. He said we could go and he said fine. Start pushing you along behind following this captain toward a nearby little guard station which is at the foot of a tower. They lead all of us. Yes now that there are six guards and the guard captain. I actually tried to get to a place. Where i'm by reese reese. There's something strange going on. Val noticed some something wrong with the god captain and the fact that they were disagreeing and then suddenly agreeing is quite concerning to me. I think it might be best. We have evaded the situation. I thought we were waiting the situation. I thought we were going into the city now. Going back to the gods station. I don't know what's going on the guard. Captain captain lake. Who is strolling beside val says valentine even tied. Yes yeah and you notice his voice voices kind of changed as well and he says welcome to threshold. It is a wonderful city. We're happy to have you in our city. Does mick recognize that voice. Is that anything or is this like a distinct change is not anybody in particular. No it's okay. It's not how he was speaking before they say hate this. I hate it just as a quick side note. The front has put the pieces together and it so he's very tense and he is being very vigilant and he's and he's just kind of like watching everything that he can k. So the guard station which is about fifty by seventy five feet. One story simple wooden tables with stools. There is a sort of wash station some bunks racks of armor and weapons and such. That are mostly empty. Captain lake leads you inside and motions for you to take a seat at the nearest bench. Bassett's sarah sits leary and stands behind val body guardiola cardio mena Front also sets resets cana with his hands to his face just trying to lay low. It's like this. Big honking guy. Played armor china. Nixon says well toward gestured captain lake turns to mariss and the unidentified guard who i spoke into. And he says you to excuse. Thank you and marissa leaves and then this one guard tunnel looks at you. You can see like a glint of worry in his eyes. His face a bit sweaty. To always fidgeting with his hands is like whatever you say captain lake and he turns and he exits the guard station. Leaving you the captain and the four guards who were with him. One of the guards goes over. After this gate guard leaves and puts a large bolt across the door quits. He does and then he kind of turns just like on one foot like he just spins as if pulled along not of his own effort or accord it would seem and then captain lake goes over to the wash basin pumps water into it and then splashes it on his face and then just rings out his hands abet massages his face and when he turns back to look at the six of u. e. is a completely different person like his face is different. It's wet so much has changed thing. We've been doing disguises josh. Glasses i can be superman reese. You've seen this face before but last time you saw you were in the woods and it was on a man who looked to have something of a sort of swashbuckling appearance in this man eventually got a spear sized hole in did he not he did. That's correct but he shrugged it off like a champ. he does also correct and he says beautiful. I not think. I would see you all so soon again. Who are you who exactly. I am is relevant of right now but i have a warning for you and your little friends at. You seem to have picked up looking at val sarah and the fron. He comes up to the bench and he kneels down in front of a ron and he looks up into your eyes and he says. Do you know exactly what you've gotten yourself into here. E mayor. i believe. I may have some ideas to the severity of situation. I believe you may if you don't use zoom wail. And then he goes over to vow and where was leery and situated like behind vowel. Or yes and he he stands and goes over to vow and he looks down at you and he says your kayaking is not one that i get to interact with all that often. The rats tend to keep to themselves. If i'm not mistaken you knock you however are a different story altogether one who is quite unlike the rest of your kind and let nothing just nolting the peculiar and finally he looks at sarah. Any says the son of the gray isis state. How far you've fallen from yawn. Northern whole that will make may. Do you still see your sister at night. And that gal what her name was it lou as he starts to say this name seren actually stands and in something. That is quite uncharacteristic of him he punches this man in the face. And he's don't you say her name and this man actually reels backwards and then recovers and as he looks up. You see that sarah's blow to him as kind of distorted his face a little and the man just kind of like it and shapes it back to how it should be and he looks at sarah. You have fighter yet in you buy but he felt it will not be enough domain and any looks at reese and our last meeting. Do you remember anything that i told you. Try to forget it entirely quite successfully. I dunno ed's bret speaking but after saying that says but i do remember you offering some sort of warning although it clearly wasn't very effective though i wouldn't see that you heated it very well at all if you would mind. I eat. acquire one of you to come with me to meet your old friend. Not one of you. Three of course. Any points to vowel seren enough ron but the others your blood necessarily luca immediately steps ford says take me then look. I don't think this is wise. If you will take a mock. I must go with him. I made a promise to him. He also said your blood is necessary. I do not think doing anything. This man says is wise. You hide the of who he is but they have some idea as to who his master's do you have a way to stop him. You have a way to get his from this room from what i understand. I doubt that we have much way to resist. What he wants. He will either take one of us over the muscle volunteer. And if i can bring myself post for mark in that much closer to keeping my promise to that is all but look at. Please think about this national. He has come to us to say. We have probably disrupted the bureau's plans but if he had power he would simply gillis yet he has not. He comes water of worse. Things do not think that he would be able to take all of us. You only need one us very well. I cannot tell you what to do but look what do you need. Our blood thought right now. Who is none of your concern. I think it very well is my concern. You want take one of us. Please please quiet down and you see from the ceiling the little and across leary lips. Uc silky thread. Like just marsha that probably hurt it. Did you take two points of damage your lips or bleeding down to ninety six. The man looks at luca. Danni says if you are a serious this and he opens his palm and a little bluish. Green flame appears and it slowly traces the same symbol of the mark that had been upon you for quite a long time. If you wish to web at once more josh look he he takes a step forward and he goes and you will take you will see fan. Will i free him. You ask questions mortal cities your answer. I don't go not my place to counsel you. You do not know me but this is not a good idea. Research at this point stands up last time we met. I drew your blood. I think it's time we do that again. And he draws his sword as he draws his sword. Lugosi's about what's what's about to go down and just solid it happen to leary and i will take the market which is sorta way. We cannot fight him veering immediately. Steps in front of luca. Luca tries to dodge out of the way approaching the men's take the mark as you do. This the three of you moving respectively a large boom in the direction of the door and the door disley flattens against the ground. And this man who'd been offering his hand to luger kinda withdraws it and startled looks toward the door and the other guards are turned toward the door as well and then clumsily draw their weapons their arms a bit like me at their sides as the dust settles you see the one and only hair still oily slicked back and black hollow is staring at you. Devilish grin on his face. Fall chin outstretched magister morton. Luca turns to the other guy whose name he doesn't know the swashbuckling. Davy jones dave aside lucas. David david jones says you saved them from this. I will go with you. I see a one look. I cannot express how much of a bad idea that this do not go this. I will not as long as you are on good. If you stick it on. He takes one hand and puts it on. Luca's right shoulder and with his other hand he lights the little marc in his palm. Once more as soon as touches him reese attempts to cut off his arm and reese got a twenty one attack k. That mrs his arm just like disappears right there when the sword goes through islands to be pretty. That's basically what happens. Actually like the the portion of the arm that your sword would have gone through it just like washes away as if you'd put a brush through like a stroke of wet paint and then it just coalescence back into the arm and i'm assuming recent feel any like no resistance now just a ton from the floor after the sword hit it. Yeah that really bad vibrating thing in your arms where they kind of hurt right. So he's he's kind of like taken back a little bit despite unexpectedness well these guards to that. Were with captain. Lake there. neutrally forms are also pushing back against race and leary and they're not swinging their weapons. They're literally just like bumping into you and trying to push backwards as if someone was taking them and moving them into you repeat it very straight is more than acting of his own volition in this spill. He seems to be yes and he takes a few steps into the room and he is face is just like pure joy these okay. I don't care for him much. And he he looks at the man and the guards and luca and then leering and reese just behind them and then make a fron and vowel and seren at the bench and he's just like what joy is this and he just waves his hand in a few patterns in front of him his free hand and he says reveal all and at that point the strings guards aloft are crystal clear to see and you see that there are ones attached to this strange man that is offering luca the hand as well and then these guards tried to push reese and leering away are vowel maker. If ron doing anything you kind of just like there's something happening and i'm going to be a part of it. I think thousand weight were more than to act before. God does many things. Well the fron puts on his karate and he just goes into a type of fighting stance waiting for someone to make the first move. The beggar clothes are actually tearaway. let's so underneath. you has e and also mic. Just in case is also kind of doing what values doing taking proc- more information right. Perfect the man after the guards have pushed leering and respect a step with the lip mark back in his hand he pushes it into lucas forehead. And he pulls you closer like whether you're going to accept this at this point or not and at the same instant morton leaps forward and rolls toward him and as he comes out of the role he slashes upwards at the man in front of luca him though and you see his fall chin slashed through these strings and then the man who was formerly captain lake suddenly is captain lake once more and his eyes roll back in his head and he falls limp as sort of the color drains was face and he falls onto the ground. Luca if has kindly do wisdom saving throw for me go for it. All right you take seventy five thousand damage. Even at seventy five. I will instantly going conscious. You will take forty five damage. That's a lethal wound as this mark is placed upon your forehead. Love that in this in for all intents and purposes here this does not inflict a wound. Cool cool it's just like your damage onto your being and you are also not pro. That's sex the strung up guards than start flailing wildly with their swords drawn Vow will shape water out of his water skin freeze it and then attempts to slice through above their heads like he saw morton do k. Does that require an attack. I don't know it's a it's a it's a can trip. I'm just freezing some water. So i don't have any. I'm going yeah. Roll roll with your spell casting for attack house. Pretty good Twin evil no twenty. Nah i can't matt twenty twenty six. You are able to slice through some of those strings and one of four guards blanche's and then falls to the ground in the heat. I'm allowing everyone to have an action before the guards are gonna officially going to initiative order so without took it sounded his moored ended. His luca is unable and aggravated. Doesn't just look like anything can cut these strings. I mean maybe not your fists i face. A fury maybe the swords that the guards have yes maybe a sharp rock that have no. I forgot about that. What kind of strength you have. Not great restrictions ten. Oh i was going to throw you my bird but no i was going over into the party. Got it in front. Could do some like scarlett johansson black widow type stuff you know do some jujitsu or whatever the heck you're see at the back side of the big guy after son the lips. Okay okay okay just goes subtype to disarm one of the guards and use their weapon to strings as you reach toward the sword. The guards hand is about as deft as a wet fish and fish review are familiar. Drive a limp. Fish is what i wanted to say. What fish fish out of water goal mixing metaphors can now. She's a fantasy thing issue fish. That's another americ- saying those fish on the wall. That seem one of these guys is the the trump suit it again mama. Okay happening nothing good. You are able to get us or from guard okay. I just was the street. Role for tax strength. Lease is a straight thirteen straight thirteen. Alright you are unable to cut through these. I got the extra thick ones so from from his attacked it. It looked like it hit it physically or did it did. It looked like it kind of bounded off of it. Wanted to make sure that it didn't pull it went through it now has leary. Try to slice it then. Okay okay. a friend just goes back. Pooch bonus can right right. Who's still got an action valid. Ron and luca are done and mortar. Who's next therion. Having is too short swords goes for. I guess the same strings if tried to attack shirk for attack. Eighteen with what weaponry using short sword that is able to sweet does a cut the remainder loosened it up for you. Yeah that guard. Same thing happens. He seems to blink conscious and then just drained and falls down. Would i be able to since technically it would only be one action. Would i be able to use my extra attack. No all right. who's next. You're me go ahead mic okay. I have much of an idea but seeing all these fools go after these guys and full. I love you guys. Okay is all these streams. I do a chip. Beck live from the bench over them in. I slice over as i do that for one of the guys. Alright do acrobatics. I did triple backflip. From a sitting position i in high of eighty six off to eleven. Lovey stu around offer car wheelers leap into the air. You miss judge a little bit and you actually collide into these strings and get tangled up in them pulling yourself and the guard to the ground. At which point you hear a s- like a resounding snap and the you suddenly feel that you're tethers are gone and you look down at the garden just like what. And then he falls. Unconscious are there's one guard left with strings attached reece's going and he's going to go after the final guard who has strung up and slice after back strings gets a eighteen that hits with your whole weight behind you. You swing your great sword and just lashley strings into nothing like these little planes as they break and kinda slither up into nothing above you and the guard falls down unconscious at your feet more than actually reaches down. And he pulls luca to his feet and wipes a little your forehead and the mark fades from. It's burning appearance to more of like a scar appearance and it still hurts. It still a constant pain. but it's definitely lessened. And then he reaches over with his other hand and just wills the door back up that he knocked down and locks back into place in the bar slides across it again and he looks at the seven of you and he says well. This is quite more interesting. I could have ever imagined a full. If you'll follow me please. We have much to discuss and he turns and he goes toward the door and he just pushes it over again and it falls outside. Now show off. Say that doesn't do. The exact was a nice touch and he looks behind you. He says come now. You're on the employer the devil now.
Spike Kept Their Secret
"Mojo in the morning show spike kept the secret. Big one that you. This feels really good to actually keep a secret and realize like i congratulate myself that i actually have made it for months with a big secret. And if you've ever kept a big secret can call in and share yours to and or what you holding onto because for me. Then you wouldn't be keeping your calls here. I would like to congratulate my friend. Sarah and kate who got married at christmas and i kept their big secret for four months. Why how did you do that. They well. I didn't want to be the one to ruin. Is this the pressure of not not telling by because they didn't even tell their own parents at the time. Oh my god. They just had a little commitment ceremony over the christmas holiday and had like twelve close friends in attendance because there was another one of those things where like everybody else. They're ceremony kept getting bumped. Every couple months they'd have to change the date again and again and again and they finally over the holidays are just like you know what screw it. Let's just get married. We'll figure out a party in a year or two and things calmed down. So i just took some photos for them for the announcement that goes out this week. And kate's parents live in arizona. They just told them this weekend that they are actually married. And i don't know how that phone call one. Because i'm sure the parents probably wanted to be there for it but Not choose who the twelve people were. They like their closest best friends. That are here and roommates. That are here so they just had a few witnesses. They have witnesses but they just said we'll do the big party later so it's almost like they would asked to be in. The bridal party was their closest friends. And i'm just proud that i actually can. You can't kept. How long ago is the secret. Well it happened four months ago and they asked me about two weeks before so i took the pictures. Two weeks before the ceremonies pro. Yeah five months. Do you converse with people that know them very well like Or families or anything. But i do know other people like their mother co workers. And 'cause there's a difference in keeping a secret like if it was your own brother and you talk to your parents on regular occasion. Yeah and then these people who you probably don't even talk to their parents ever sell. Congratulations doesn't really go to me for keeping his secret. It's really those twelve friends who it leaked at her family and co workers. Some of them work together and they they work in office where everybody knows everybody and there was only like maybe one person in that office that was at the actual commitment ceremony. So i you know really. It's those twelve people that kept secret than me. I don't run into too many other. Same circle yeah so it was. But i just thought hey. This is could turn into a good radio topic. What big secret york your hold onto. Yeah eight four four july for four six six five six five four eight. Don't ever tell me a big secret. Because i'll i'll tell i'll blow it for you. We never yeah. And i'll and. I'll be honest with you on this. I would be pissed if i was the parents. If i didn't know that my kids were getting married like could went and got married. And i you know that wasn't egland wasn't known about that and i don't think they intended on keeping it for four months. They were trying to figure out how to tell their parents because they just decided to do it. Their parents weren't opposed to Now who would you say their names or their parent Seren kate so sarah where the parents were supposed to be at the original ceremony and it just getting bumped because their parents low older so they couldn't travel from arizona's they just find. Let's do it will throw the party later when everybody could be your man but you guys did. Keep the secret of my split with my my marriage situation for. I told you guys six months seven months ago. i didn't. I told everybody but they just kept a secret. They kept it gone. I i'll be honest with you. I You know anytime you're dealing with kids. I'll keep secrets christmas presents. And what santa claus is giving them the mom data or does somebody saying mojo dating or What other secrets can we not tell him. Oh any kind of concert announcement. He ruins it yet. Because i listen. I don't think that it makes sense to to have like they give you concert announcement at five pm today. We're going to announce a big concert. The internet already knows that it's going on. The internet is already talked about it. That the big concerts come in. They already did the dates. And then what happens is if we wait till five pm. We're out of touch by wading five pm. What's up emily. Hi how are you. What's what's the big secret that you kept. I was actually married for a year and a half before I told anybody. Wow even your parents. So i actually told them A few months later found out in the marriage license. Upset not really They they kind of feeling. Because i was acting different but it was. It would like nobody else in the family really knew as a as a parent to you know kids that are twenty five and twenty two you know and hopefully. I don't think that they're going to be getting married anytime soon. But if they secretly went off and got married. I think as a parent. It'd be heard by that. I thought i would be the you know one of at least a for you know i five or six people that they would want their but we're having a wedding ceremony later on so we get still celebrate and have all the family around in everything. Why did you guys keep it secret invading. For like seven months we got married. People are going to give you a hairy eyeball with the fact that you're running into marry somebody but we like you know you know it's the yeah all right. Well thank you for the call. Ashley is voice disguised here right now. Are you the person keeping the secret or are you the person that the secrets about. I know the secrets about my sisters. My secret what was the secret. I found out i was pregnant and right after my doctor's appointment 'cause i didn't want to go alone with me that same day. She called my mom and so i guess he was pregnant. My gosh come. I wanted to do a whole thing is leave a one theme stuff like that for my mom and dad like saying that they're going to be grandparents again because i'm the baby in the family are. Is your sister trustworthy person or did you just know realizes me and my sister. We're really close up until this. Oh wow that's not good hollywood's going on it's mojo in the morning shower. Hey i'm good. How are you. Listen to this holly. How long were you married before anybody knew well. I my parents my siblings new but we were married for six months. Then tell any of our aunts and uncles and actually my mom louisiana. So she wasn't able to make it here. I didn't tell her until like a month after. How did you get to everybody else well. We had an actual ceremony Setup for six months out and we just knew honestly. We never even told people that we got married. We got married in october and then we had our wedding ceremony and may and we most people still to this day. Don't even know that we got married in october. That's off to your parents for being good secret keeper Yeah that's that's really good. They're able to do that. Bianca hi good morning hi bianca. You kept an interesting secret. So i have my pregnancy with my daughter. I kept it secret from my dad and probably about three weeks before she was born Because i was kind of a situation you my parents weren't gonna agree with it. Well i ended up telling my mom at some point. But i can't wait till you can't say you kept the secret but you told your mom. Well you told your mom kept it from dead. How did dad. Nazi like a baby bump. That's that's look pregnant at all. Like the day i went in. I didn't i only gain nine point. Six pounds my whole pregnancy and my daughter was sixteen pregnant at all again and now they know was your dad mad at your mom for not saying he doesn't know so he thinks i told both of them have. Did your mom like a fake Reaction like wow yes god lover. I would never do that to my mom in lakewood her on the chopping block. Because my dad would be mad but the time around. I'm pregnant again. And they both were one of the first to find out and a whole lot better but the situation at the time with my daughter was just not ideal. And i knew he wouldn't agree with it like couldn't change and she would come in anyways. I really hope that your dad doesn't listen the mojo in the morning. So no no he doesn't. I don't know why 'cause it's production. Thank you take care of yourself.
The invention of sarin
"Hey history lovers. I'm Mike Rosen with retro pod. A show about the past. Rediscovered today's subject is one of the deadliest weapons on earth Saron gas. There is a very strange story about its original intended target the enemy back then wasn't Syrian rebels who have been targeted with the gas by their own government. It was wait for it. The weevil of a Rochas Beadle founding fields and orchards Ascot garden about legal or ask the pest control experts. Here's what their website says about evil, quote, they can be very destructive and their damage is often very expensive. The mid nineteen thirty's. There is a weevil problem on German farms, the German government forced to buy expensive pesticides from overseas. Turn to a scientist bear. Yes. The aspirin one to develop a cheaper alternative. His name was Gerhard Schroeder as head of bears plant protection group Schrader got to work mixing various molecules. He was trying to concoct the substance strong enough to kill tests, but spare animals and human he take her for months with compounds before he had a Eureka moment. He added cyanide too. Two. The scientists quickly developed a splitting headache and struggle to breathe. Suddenly he could barely see trader spent three weeks recovering he had failed. But by accident. He also succeeded in a different much darker way. I G Farben the drug conglomerates that owned bear reported traders discovery to the German military mustard gas, I used in World War. One took a long time to kill hours or even days. Shredders discovery only needed about twenty minutes. The Third Reich was so impressed with his work that he was granted a bonus worth about twenty thousand dollars. According to the trade journal chemical and engineering news as the army works weaponized. A concoction trader went back to work in his lab. Trying to find more pesticides this time. He came up with a compound that was ten times as toxic trader called it seren-, the German military authorized construction of a Seren factory in one thousand nine hundred forty three high level officers wanted to use it during the war, but Adolf Hitler declined. There's never been a totally clear explanation for why. But some stories theorize it was because he had witnessed the horrors of mustard gas while fighting in World War One it was. More likely that he didn't want to expose his own troops or horses to the stuff. In time other countries would develop Seren, including the United States in nineteen Ninety-three more than one hundred sixty countries signed the chemical weapons convention which banned production and stockpiling of chemical weapons, but bad actors have still used it Saddam Hussein for one. And of course, the cult that you Seren in one thousand nine hundred ninety five attack on the Tokyo subway killing twelve and sickening. More than five thousand lately, it's been unleashed by Syrian president shar all Assad in a chemical weapons attack that left scores of men women and children dead as for Schrader. He died in nineteen ninety but invention is still killing. I'm Mike Rosen will thanks for listening for more forgotten stories from history. Visit Washington Post dot com slash retro pod.
The Morning Briefing: Wednesday, March 18
"Hallo I'm Danny Boyle with the briefing from the Telegraph. It's Wednesday march the eighteenth and Britain's been given a corona virus bailouts so the chancellor went much further than he had in even last week's budget as Chris was telling you last night. Reshi soon acts unveiled a package of measures to fight corona virus. So far made up of three hundred fifty billion pounds designed to help keep businesses and households of floats everything from government backed loans to mortgage payment holidays of up to three months. Business Team have done some analysis and explain how the measures could help you. Mr Soon stopped short of the help available in some countries such as halting household bills. But he said Moore's to come. We'll have the latest in our live blog at everyone's now advised against social contact. But what does that mean? For a whole host of everyday activities L. Science editor. Seren Upton explains exactly how we have to live our lives now now. Testing for corona virus is becoming a growing debate but it's emerged that celebrities and big businesses astonishing to pay for private tests sidestepping government rules. We've learned that more than two thousand people of paid for the home kits. They call three hundred and seventy five pounds. Each correspondent Bill Garden has looked into the Harley street firm that makes them and as being not to socialize is relations real issue but the Telegraph's Today launching a unique project. It's called you are not alone. Space for readers to gather and share expertise while they can't meet in person everything from staying fit to spring gardening. It's well worth checking out right. Stay put if you're listening on WHATSAPP. You those links now listening on spotify apple or wherever you get your podcast. You'll find them in the show notes as well as links to some non corona virus material. How Joe on track to be the Democratic presidential nominee and our view of last night's great celebrity bake off. That's it you're up to date. Chris will have your second briefing of the day this evening.
Ep 149: Dig Deeper with an Enterprise Mindset with Gary Saarenvirta
"Are you a business owner or entrepreneur looking to take your business skills to the next level. Then you're in the right place. Welcome to the Enterprise Enterprise. Now show prepare to be inspired motivated and transform and now your host L Z flint are and I get it. Oh yeah what's up. Enterprises welcome to the Inter surprise. Now podcast where we educate motivate inspire and transform business owners and entrepreneurs into success. That is what we do. We help folks launch grow and maximize Gary Seren Verte is founder and CEO of Daisy intelligence a preeminent authority on artificial intelligence the former head of IBM Canada's data-mining in data warehousing practices Gary Passionate about Ai and its ability to transform how retailers grow their businesses and establish an edge in an increasingly increasingly challenging and competitive environment under Gary's leadership daisy has established a track record of delivering verifiable financial outcomes for a a rapidly growing list of global clients all right. Let's dig in all right. Can I get oh. Yeah Oh yeah. Nice Nice as we do every single week I I wanNA say thank you for taking the time out. I know Oh that you're very busy. And you are actually not in your normal office but you still found time to share your experience and knowledge with us so for that we say thank you. Thanks very much for having me on the PODCAST. I always enjoy talking about Business in career and entrepreneurship so looking forward to this and the second thing I was like the follow come up with is tell us about yourself now when I say that I mean feel free to go all the way back to where it all started for Gerry or you can start more currently. Tell us about yourself. Yeah I grew up with a European parents so the big part work ethic and so that's been part of my DNA to Kinda work hard. And I've found that drives success World values hard work in results. And I've always had a desire to change the world and I started out with the university for Aerospace Engineering. 'cause I love planes and rockets and all things Nafta and still do and you know when I finished Grad School. I started a software company with some friends of mine and when I got exposed to large companies I was always thought youngster. You see these big tall corporate offices the headquarters out these big companies must really be super sophisticated. Have Their Act together and and in most ways they are but I was really shocked a lot. How Little Oh nap? And Science businesses use to make operating decisions and being a aerospace engineer. Doing all this math and science I kind of walked into into this career opportunity accidentally to bring math and science to business which I thought would help them. Operate smarter and make them even more profitable affordable. which would they would? Dan Reinvest those profits back in their business lowering prices and doing so changed the world and that's kind of been my mission. It's a block twenty five years have an accidental mission which is really helping companies make smarter decisions than using math science data. Let's backtrack a little bit and learn a little more about you. What's What's your favorite thing to do? My favorite thing to do. I might a couple of things. I'm a huge tennis player. So I play lots of tennis as much as I can. I've played compatibly all my life. So that's one you know. Sports is a big thing and then tennis is a big part of that. I also enjoy continual study. I read physics textbooks textbooks and science textbooks to this day. Kind of gives me brain food. Keep going forward and I enjoy reading about business. I think trying to figure figure out how to be a a good. CEO and a good leader and how to run a business so I guess three areas in my life sports science business the so if you had to pick one. What would you say your superpower is? Yeah that's a tough. I think my superpower vision. I think I'm good at aligning people people to a mission and a vision and I think that that desire to change the world and building a team around that. I think that's my superpower one one question that I always like to ask because of the different answers that I get is how do you overcome challenges and I guess what I mean by that is. What's your methodology when you are presented with a problem or challenge? How do you approach it? I'm very analytical. Won't think about it. I laughed lots of opinions of my team around me. Whatever if it's a challenge at the shareholder board level I'll talk to the directors and my coaches if it's a challenge in the company company? I'll talk to my teammates. My peers. My direct reports and ultimately consider all opinions. I'll think about it and then make a decision and move forward it so it's a team effort to collect information and then ultimately the decision is usually mine is I'm the CEO of the company. So it's all make Make the hard call Sometimes I disagree with what I get. Sometimes site in private always Think about a carefully weigh the facts and then Go forward with the best of your ability. Can't think of your top Let's say to what would your keys to success. Be I think perseverance is very important and sticking to your vision I think. That's I think persevering over the long haul and I was at a talk given by Kosh off from from Kashi ventures and he said you need to survive long enough to have luck fall on your side so I think that perseverance is gonNA great strength. I think mine and then the passion. I just love what I do and sharing passion and being real untrue. Sharing your true feelings. I think that is buried eh engaging to customers and investors and employees So I think perseverance and then complete transparency and honesty. That's the end being real. I think those are the two secrets being successful. So I'm curious to know what made you want to start your on company. You mentioned that you went to school for Aerospace Engineering but touch on that a little bit. What was the spark? That said. I WanNa do this on my own. Yeah I came up with the mission that I thought I you know I worked at. Ibm In my past life. Iran IBM's Data mining and data warehousing practice in Canada and was kind of their go to global noble people for High Hannah lyrics engagements and I. I worked at a coming loyalty group prior to that so they had gotten enough as an engineer. You don't get much business training so my two significant corporate experiences. I learned a lot about corporate finance and business and I really felt I had all the skills I always was was trying to. Do you know you'll get interpreter. Inside of companies trying to launch businesses inside of companies. That I think once I got to the point where I realized I had all the skills I either from the business round out and I thought okay I need to do this myself. Five mission and vision that I believe in and I need to go out there and make it happen. I'm talking about instrument nor ship a little bit more. I know it's a term that some people are throwing around and it's gaining more and more popularity but go into detail. What is an entrepreneur? I think if you work for a corporation or another business I think the idea is trying to start a business inside of a company. So it's not your business will be a new business Unit or a or a new process. Oh it's it's taking those entrepreneurial skills and applying them within somebody else company. I think that's a lower risk way way to start. Because you're still getting a salary or gainfully employed and to help you practice your sales turnley getting permission. So it's really that you know running the business inside of an existing company and I think it gets under looked a lot of young people are in such a rush to go start a company without really having the requisite skills I can say the most valuable thing I did was work to corporations and gain all that valuable experience and I actually started a business business unit in both of the companies. I was in a now. It's kind of great training ground for me to be found daisy data so talk a little bit more about that. You mentioned that a lot of people are in a rush and they don't have the skills and experience needed to effectively and successfully run a company. What are some of those skills else and experiences? Yeah I think a lot. I think there's so much hype about starting a business and becoming a Unicorn and these things don't happen overnight. There's a one one and a million even smaller than that one in a billion businesses become like facebook or something like that and and that takes years and I think some of the kids come out of school if you're a technical person like with a degree in engineering but you probably lack the business know-how on how to corporate finance and cash flow management. AH sales skills and I think if you don't have the requisite skills either in yourself or even if you build a team of other recent graduates graduates of business graduate. There's just so much to running a business that I think it's dangerous to start too soon. Get taken advantage of by investors out there who take advantage of the lack of knowledge. Not being in a huge rush. I think anything great takes a lot of effort and not going to happen overnight so learning about finance having a job or to looking at what other corporations are like. That's the kind of patient approach. And then once you're ready then going going out and watch skills with with more launch. A business with a more rounded setup skills to be seems prudent choice I feel a lot of youngsters starting companies and really you know failing you know several times and I would imagine that would be very demoralizing. Yeah so talking about that a little bit more. What mindset Tufo question what might stay up does one need to have in order to be an effective enterpreneur and secondarily? How did you know when you're ready? So again two parts how do you shift your mindset to be an entrepreneur and a secondarily how you know when you're ready to step out I think being being enterpreneur think you start out with the mission and vision and you you probably you sell out into the company and I think if you're able to sell a mission or vision like that inside a business yeah that's a good proving ground that you have some of the right skills and so if you're not able to convince the company to embark on a new business or a new project object or a new process. I think that's the message that those are valuable skills. You need to have to be able to sell your idea as to senior business people who are willing linked to fund the idea for me to pur-nuri your your executives will fund your idea outside entrepreneurs investors will on your idea so I think the ability ability to have Have Success and being interpreter and then understanding some of the key financial aspects. Once you have I think those two elements I think doc starting point to be confident to go out and have a reasonable shot at success awesome. So we've learned a little bit about your background and you've given us what I call. Awesome Golden Nuggets on enterpreneurship mindset apply taking the entrepreneurial skill set and applying it to a corporation. We've talked a little bit about experience. Needed to run a successful company. Tell us a little bit about daisy. What do you guys do at daisy were an AI platform that and we help our clients make smarter martyr decisions using AI and so in retail we we help our retail clients decide what products they should promote every week? What prices he says they should charge every week? You know those are the two core deliverables retailers do that every week. It's an almost beyond human capability task and our AI delivers whereas the answer without a human in the loop when our clients execute the recommendations that are a system makes we're able to grow their sales and crawfish crawfish significantly. We've seen up to three percent on average year-over-year same store sales growth in retail and and specifically in grocery and that's a significant financial results using AI. So the mission is to use AI to help companies make decisions that that are beyond the capability humans and now way we free up people to do what people are best at which is interact with other people creativity strategic gain working with other partner companies in Iraq. Dang those types of emmys divide the world to do computers compute. Huge let people do people are good at the combination of the two I think will create greater economic efficiency and ultimately will lower the cost of living for all of us. You and I and and hopefully impact poverty and minimize Gotcha. I'm just taking notes here. Give me that again. You said your software offer allows people to do what people do best and then you gave three or four really good villa bullet points. Give me those again. Yeah I think I. It's allow people to food creative thinking strategy negotiation with other people interact with other people service customers so I think those are the human types of activities that computers are really incapable of doing those types of activities like humans worrying about the strategic creative stuff like computers do the math nothin calculation. So talk about that a little bit because what I hear we hear you saying some people might think of as well this eventually. Robots and artificial intelligence are going to a lot of people out of work. I guess what do you say to that. What are your thoughts and your position on that? I think that people people job roles will change and be divided like you know into those two areas because human beings aren't really good at computing. So you know the task of choosing five hundred hundred products to put in your Flyer Your Grocery Flyer when you have fifty thousand products. Choose from. It's the number of possible combinations. Evaluate valuate isn't is almost the Internet so it's beyond human capability to computing and I think the side that You know let people do what they're good at. I think so the job roles will change. It'll be some small amount of job. Displacement like there always is but some technology but it's not as dramatic as as people think I think I think I think Job Roles will change a few job to navy displays but the new jobs will be created to replace that so as long as we sort support the people who may have job loss and some industries. Then then I think that's that's what we've done in the past and it happens thickly every generation ration- some new capability comes out playing a little bit of devil's advocate here. So I'm looking at my list of my notes here in using our social intelligence from addicts in automation allow people to do what people do best interact with other people creative thinking strategy service customers. My question though is given the direction of social media and the changes in how we interact with each other it. There's almost a a conflict there all right so we're on one in being forced in some ways to interact more but in some ways. We're kind of moving away from interacting with each other. Yeah I think that's where You know I'm not a big fan of excessive social media. I think you know it's some some aspects of our our phenomenal and there's many things that we all I use in our personal lives whereas technology's really helpful but ultimately you talk to your family every day when you go to work you talk to your colleagues and your peers and technology analogy is a part of our lives but it's not the core foundation. I think that things that define us as people is a fact that we can interact with each other and relate eight to each other and work together. I don't think technology could never replace that. Shouldn't that shouldn't be the goal so I think that's perhaps a a stance that companies you shouldn't try to unemploy all humanity that that has to be a bad thing. I think I think using technology to help humanity I think The difference you know help humanity not replace humanity. You Know I. I think that's where we where we draw the line at Daisy as the as what our mission is got it as the saying goes Gary Time flies when you're having fun. It's time for us to wrap up our conversation. But if you had one tip-off talk actionable steps that you could give the enterprises to improve their lives or businesses today. What would that be you know? Try to stay level headed entrepreneurship. It's full of many highs and many lows and you have to persevere and find your way and not let yourself get caught up on either end of the spectrum. The people around you rely on you to be stable and hard work ing and and stick to your vision and I think it's a board to continue to do that so that would be my number one. Stay calm and stable. No matter what life throws you stick to it awesome awesome so if people want to reach out to you learn for more about your company what you guys do or just ask you questions. How can they do that? They can go to our website. DAISY INTELLIGENCE DOT COM. You can find out information about the business there and you can find me on Lincoln Dot Com. You can look Gary Serta there and find my contact information so feel free to reach out not always happy to interact with those who are interested in what daisy does or just chatting about business so happy to help out if I can awesome awesome awesome awesome. Thank you so much for your time. Gary Hey thanks very much. It was great to be on your podcast.
In The Gate #391 - Dress Rehearsals
"As someone who lives in breezy college football, I can promise you that this season will bring the mayhem. You'll feel it during huge wins and heartbreaking losses on Dame, winning drive, drives it in a post game Fender bender. This season teaming up with AllState highlight these key moments. The let fans know if mayhem can show up on game day. Imagine what can happen. The rest of the week for expert advice call your local agent today. Could be one of the breakout stars of the Breeders Cup, the two year old Phillies sensation Seren Getty empress. We'll talk with her trainer, Tom, Amos, plus we'll take treetops look ahead to the big weekend now about a month away with a leash winds Hughes of the blood horse. It's all on this edition of in the gate. They're about to. There. This is in the gate ESPN's thoroughbred racing podcast. My name is Barry Abrams who can follow me on Twitter at Abrahams boys or on Facebook at Barry Abrams voice. You can also get us on our YouTube channel by searching in the gate podcast. You can get us on soundcloud as well. Yet as at the I tune store or tune in dot com. You can get us on that little pink pod catcher app on your phone. You didn't even know you had and now you can subscribe to win the gate in the listen tab of the ESPN app for the full in the gate experience of scribe. Now in the listen tab of the ESPN app on opening day of the Saratoga meet this year, a two year old filly named Seren Getty empress who like many of our competitors that day had one day byu finished fourth in the Schuylerville, nothing terribly noteworthy there until Seren Getty empress did this her next time out at Ellis Park. Press corollaries. Yet the moves she's in front by two with comes out on somewhere who's being ridiculed, paste, that's all for what Keita. It's Sarah Getty efforts by the eighth hole, the lead has been above two eight legs from the inside lucky JIRA, Saul, and then up on the outside from last included issue. But the debutante runaway winner here, what performance Sarah Guinea efforts Serega ever. She wins gathered up by at least eleven lakes. She followed that demolition with an even more impressive win in the Pocahontas Churchill Downs in mid September. And now Seren Getty empress who started the summer rather anonymously could become one of the big breakout stars at this year's Breeder's Cup. What's behind that incredible turnaround. Let's ask her trainer, Tom, Amos, who joins us for the first time here on the gate. What happened? Following the Schuylerville that's resulted in these two incredible performances. Well, you kind of look into the hood a little bit. So let's go back in time. She won her first race very, very easily, and Indiana grand, and we made the decision to come back quickly in New York in about two and a half weeks, rest and run the Schuylerville. And there were so many things that just didn't work out correctly shipping getting up there how well she kinda acclimated the racetrack, the rider dropping his stick at the head of the lane on are just kinda coasting in with her. There were any number of things that I look back on. It was just was important on my part to send her up the on such short rest and runner. But she is talented enough and smart enough that we were able to get back on track and and then run the Ellis Park juvenile fillies in August infield very confident. And we had her bad where we wanted her serving the empress rolls by the quarter pole on a five length lead savoring empress's off the turn on cruise control, love my Honey. A full out drive, but his second splashy kisses struggling back in third, everybody's far behind searing Eddie empress whose leads built to eight, ten, twelve, maybe more than that Sarran Getty empress saunters foam to win the Pocahontas for fun when a horse wins that kind of daylight as she has her last two times out, how much can you really learn about her? Well, I think you learn a lot from the last race because number one, it's a to turn race at the distance that the Breeder's Cup juvenile fillies is gonna run over the track that they're going to run. So I think you saw a lot there. Now in that particular ace, the most recent raise the Pocahontas. She did indeed Bakley and that's a mild challenge early, but not a lot and was able to have a lot left of the tank at the end of the race. I don't think we can anticipate or hope for that seem pace scenario in the Breeders Cup. These are going to be. Philly's a real upgrade in the field. In my opinion, probably more challenging upfront, so sharing Getty's gotta show she can rate and use tactical speed rather than just pure spe- in the race. And that's what we're working on in our training as we meet up to the race that first Friday in November. So how do you do that? You put a horse in front of her as a target? Yes. So there's, there's a couple of things that you do. Number one. She's smart enough to do that. We pay she is. She's really, really intelligent. And that's that's a key. So it's one thing to have raw talent in horse racing. But if you don't have the intelligence to go with it and be a horse, that is tractable and then a horse that can do these, the rotter asks in the saddle and you don't have a horse could be as good as they can be. What we see from her suggests that all those things will be no problem for her. So we're comfortable with that. But certainly you wanna put her with other horses on the racetrack makers sit behind them, make sure that she's comfortable doing that without being overly aggressive with the rotter and basically it's the job of all trainers, whether it's a horse, Sharon, Guinea empress or any other horse to have the horse, respect the commands of the rider in the riders gonna command, the horse threw his hands. So you know, that's what we work on. All of our horses in were very confident Getty, empress will be a horse that will do whatever the writer. Astra to do come their first Friday in November, for the Cup in Corey Landers won't be riding. And last time the Pocahontas you usually good for a couple of stakes Wednesay year. We know you're not Bob Baffert Todd Pletcher, Chad Brown, but Seren Getty empress. Now you have lone sailor who won the Oklahoma derby. What are we thinking with him? Is there a Breeder's Cup in his future? Or you know, he's only three, and of course the Breeders Cup races are three and up and it may not be his time this year, but he isn't improving young horse. Just recently course winning the Remington park derby allows an exciting race where he gave up a lot of ground before very hard to the end and just got up at the wire, but you know value, you questions fear. I'm a bit player when it comes to big races. I'm not someone that's going to be running the favourite, these kinds of races. Although this year that's gonna be different, sharing getting empress will probably be the first or second choice in the Breeders Cup, juvenile fillies, and. And if she wins, she'll be juvenile filly champion here in the United States, which is exciting for me. I've ever been in that situation before was he alone is already gotten new your quota, so to speak of stakes wins. But you've got a couple of others in your barn that have some kind of rags to riches type stories. First of all, there's that horse. You claimed in February for twenty five thousand dollars, and she's held her own in graded. Stakes company comes foot MARTINI doubling up the classy act. One for took to the inside what she's a Julie that Comcast, the sixteenth eskimo kisses looks joined on the line. Her comes eskimo kisses. Chocolate MARTINI took Lamartine Lia metro Murrow chocolate MARTINI has one fairgrounds oaks thirteen to one after her win in the fairgrounds oaks. She's running four graded stakes, a pair of thirds in the summertime oaks and the grade one coaching club para fifths including her. Most recent start in the tilles behind midnight b.'s Oooo and monoploy girl. How was this available? For twenty five thousand dollars. You know, I can't speak to that. I, I don't know what the other stable. You know what they had in mind in particular raisin. But you know, we're, we're cleaning born. I've always been doing that and we've had some Googlers along the way. I didn't know what I was getting chocolate MARTINI claim to accept it. I thought I was planning something that was of that when we took it for twenty five, that Dame's back started working with her. We really like we saw two big Philly without big stride. So we try to earn allowance race off that she won in paid a big, big numbers effect that day here she just kept improving. So I think a lot of of that claim has to do with the claiming a two year old, turning three in January of that three all year, and this still development to be had. And fortunately for us that development a lot of its place between January March. When she won the fairgrounds ups, I don't know what's next for Herbert just like lone sailor. She's only three, and I think there's better to come in a four year old season Drena Tom, Amos, joining us here on indicate. Now let's be clear about this. We brought his mom to talk about as potential Breeders Cup, starter, and starring Getty empress. But full disclosure here, Tom, Amos. Also trains it two year old in which I am a very small partner. They turned into the stretch and it's distant shore whose homeward bound has a lead by a couple legs. Another Dan delake shifting ground tries angle the outside second. They run to the sixteenth, Paul and its distant shore, distant shore. A first time starter is gonna win by four impressive legs. Distant shore is owned by the Churchill Downs racing club. One of those nonprofit groups designed for people who don't exactly have the wealth of the sheikh's of Dubai. It's mainly two hundred working class people which put up five hundred bucks the cold cost. Just fifty thousand at a two year old sale in may. What is it like the train for this group? I wish I was down there more often. Well, surprise a remarkable current of, I don't know in a sense of resurgence for me. So surprised I knew what I was getting into and looking forward to the group. But it was that first race that we ran in Indiana grand Amina latch race for just sure which one that really kind of opened my eyes to what these groups were about. There must have been about seventy people of the group that was there at Indiana grand that day and the joy in the excitement that they had winning that I start overwhelming. I didn't expect it. I had so much fun with everybody. Lillies like drinking from the fountain of youth. A lot of racist through the years. I've been doing this role as a trainer, but that win was so much fun and I get so much enjoyment out of that group book. It's my strong recommendation. If you're a trainer as well as potential part of one of these groups do it, you'll have a great time with it. Moas budges fun as it was done there. We should actually been with my work colleagues and me as we all watch that race together, they were jumping up and down more than I was this horse finished second in the ungraded Arlington, Washington Futurity in early September seems to be training well. So from a personal and professional standpoint, I have to ask, where is the his development and what is going to be next for him? I think it's a great question. I think it's a question that group wants to know about. So let's let's talk about that a little bit because this force has potential. So he wasn't. He'd second only to Washington with a trip. That was kind of interesting. You didn't break? Well, that day he had to recover from that and get. Some -sition and I think it cost him the wind because it was very, very close finish, but he's a horse. That as you say is developing and he really likes his training. So he gets after his training after that particular race back in mid-september you know, you could tell he lost a little bit of weight from these trainings races, and we've been getting that weight back on before we make our next star with the east recovered well to this point, he's worked a couple of half miles for us. Both were good works that show still on his game, and we're gonna try to continue to work with him and move forward in his racing. I think his next race when you'd be chemo or Churchill Downs, well, you have done well with claim. As you mentioned, where do you see your niche and developing horses? You know, the way Wesley ward excels with two year olds in the spring, and Chad Brown obviously wins with so many turf horses. Where do you see your niche. Well, I think you're giving me a chance to toot our own horn here a little bit, and I appreciate that you over the last three years starting with the the yearling year that mo- Tom ran the Kentucky Derby, which was three years ago. I've been given the opportunity by yearlings at the keenum sale without any restrictions, and it's been something I've really enjoyed in those groups that we bought have developed well, and we've done well with them. So you talking about Syrian Guinea empress. She was a seventy thousand yearling purchase last year Keeneland lone sailor. One hundred twenty thousand dollars doing perch to key would year before that. And there's some others as well. You look at our record with two year olds, and you look specifically at how well we've developed Horsa the last few years. I think there's a real correlation between getting these horses as yearlings being involved their development before they come to the track and then come to the tracking gene. Or bay of their to your year and they continue to work with them. I love having the opportunity to have those courses under my from the time. The hammer drops this year links to time again to the racetrack. Well, one other question and that is though we mentioned, you're not, you know, the size of Bob Baffert Todd Pletcher, Chad Brown. You do obviously rely on your staff quite a bit while you spend the summer at Saratoga, though, you're basis at Churchill. So what is that like when you're not they're relying on all of them to give you information. If you look at our staff, you're gonna find that the same names in the same faces of their year after year. So I mean, I could go down the line tell you the longevity of all of mine assistant trainers, but it's it's been, you know, none less than ten years and we do it together. We rely on each other, talk about ideas on the kind of trigger that always wants to. Here what someone thinks, whether it's one of my sisters or some the staff underneath me in that one month, I'm at Saratoga with a small group of horses, carry about twelve up here. I'm going back and forth between Churchill and there and in when I'm when I can't be one place at another. You know, it's my system trainers in my staff at her need that I depend heavily on. I'm very, very lucky to have a good staff. And part of that is that we all do it together. So everyone feels that they are part of the process and they certainly are, even though she will not be the only manifestation of that, the whole thing culminates with starring Getty empress in the Breeder's Cup, juvenile fillies, and we certainly wish you the best of luck, Tom, Amos, thank you so much for a few minutes here on the show. Very, thank you for having me on a really appreciate it. Hope we can do against it. We're going to take a short break here on the gate, but when we come back, we'll tackle some of the more important questions heading into the Breeders Cup with a leash winds Hughes of the blood horse is accelerate all he's. Cracked up to be. Technology truth brought to you by Geico. Truth, teenagers can communicate entirely emojis. How why? Birthday party pizza slice kitten, soccer ball, pineapple truth. It's so easy to switch and save on car insurance at geiko dot com. What are you talking about? Paperclips shoulder shrug, high, five wizard hat what? Gogo fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percents or more. Accelerate off, directing up in the gate is not the best serve to accelerate full wide. At the rea- he's two lights behind west coast. In the early going shades victory makes the running out of the stretch to the seven eighths pro. It's isos the west coast, the inside accelerate joins them smartly out wide west coast is relegated to the court of the tech celebrated the lead from the west coast onto the whip tries to hang top along the rail. It excel right with west coast. Docket on the inside. Hi site the between the running of bald rice, west coast, the celebrate a riveting renewal of the awesome again, accelerate on the outside with these headed front close to home. West coast running out of puff has given a good account of himself, but accelerate gate powering accelerate toward a half length coming away to quest guys die time. Nights, he's won all of the milestone races on the west coast for older horses, the Santa Anita handicap. The Gold Cup, the Pacific classic, and now the awesome. Again, stakes made it a little more difficult than it might have had to be. And the question is, is accelerate all he's cracked up to be. We'll don't ask me. I've got somebody far better to comment on that, and that is our good friend, leash wins Hughes of the blood horse who has been too long since she's join us here on the gate. So what did you make of accelerate in the awesome again? On one hand, like I said, he got the win who's third free grade one this year. I said in during the fact that he didn't exactly make thing easy on himself in that race. I believe he was, you know, he was reluctant to load. He didn't break while he was, you know, he was last. He had a he. He basically tiled up and you know many problems equipped for himself in that race, and he's still came through and got the job done. So from that standpoint, you've gotta be encouraging of the fact that you know that you did have to overcome a bit of adversity. He didn't just have everything his way there, but I said he, he is clearly without question not just the top holder worse on the west coast top older horse trading right now. They've been four grade one just this year, seven. Third straight one is only walk without Oaklawn Alan shift out there on hidden tap the question. You know that name over him though, is in netted for him for John Sadler. John's were record in today outside of California is not good. It's just there's no way to to sugar coat it, and he's going to have to prove that he can. He can shift and be as good outside of California as he clearly is. It is home track. It's not a huge sample size really Oaklawn was only time he ran, you know, it's not like in a batteries. He finished the second to good horse there in city of life, the seven Barna the whole is going to have to prove that they can translate outside of of their home state. That's the that's the big question Mark heading into breeder. Now, those of us on the east coast might have an inherent bias against horses from California. It's just a natural thing. But you look at some of the best older horses and they are from California, and a lot of them have shipped and one elsewhere, including Pablo who in your backyard when the Stephen FOX ritual downs, do you think that flatters accelerate or does it have no bearing. It's it's it's hard to say. I mean, obviously the courses we had, you know, defeated going to win. Certainly platter, Tim is if letters, but it doesn't give you. It doesn't really give you a read on how es going to do. You know what I mean? It doesn't. It doesn't give you any kind of readout how east energy when he gets to Churchill down in Churchill therapist to where the worst. I mean, it's one that I can either love or, hey, if they don't take to it and some of of, you know, have a hard time with the diversify last year when he ran in, you know, in the Clark eighty cap, he struggled over and you know he was the beat favored that day. If he comes over your, he's going to have to. He had that same question hanging over him. Now again, how how translate outside of the orc that something he's still has to prove? So I mean, I said, I don't think I don't think that the question too much is Hillary of quality worth. I mean, looking eighty. If he be, you know, arrogant he is a quality or is it just like I said, can be that good on the road and maybe he can be. We don't really have a very small amplified to the judge off of, so it's not that he can't do it, but we have to see him do it before before we go all in now, let's. Go to a couple of horses on the east coast for the classic, and it was an amazing win by discreet lover in the jockey club Gold Cup, and I'm going to save commentary for him until the end of the show because I, I don't think anybody really thinks he is a serious candidate for the classic. If he remains healthy which is in question at the time we record this, but the second place, horse thunder, snow, very, very interesting back on dirt. Ran really well. What do you make of him now? Doesn't mentally. I just I love being Fender smoke who the hell because obviously mean, we all know his only other experience in the United States was infamous derby outing where he bucked in propped up the start and had to get pulled up and you know, and that was too big an incident to just ignore, pretended didn't happen, especially this that happened on having said that this is an extremely talented horse. This is a horse who has been a great fuss group. One winner at ages two, three and four. So he wasn't. I mean, this is not a horse who had a singular one off before in into buyer or anything like that. This is a proven top ball horse, and I love being him come back the way he did run as well as he did may Dan this year, you know, I've been with, you know, the whole specter of everything that happened to him in the hanging over him. I'm glad that he on merit has put that behind him and not let that incident define him or his career, and I was, I said, I think it was very key to the. Both him and Mendelssohn run good races because I still think there was a lot of thought of, you know, maybe some of those performances, especially from those who that night in Dubai was maybe you know the product of them freaking over that that that that track or maybe the product of a little bit of a traffic bias or something in their favor. And I think people have wondered how much can they trust to free performances that they thought from those two horses on that night. And I think they have both proven that those those runs were not that they are quality. The only thing with under snow is he's going back to Churchill. We know what happened last time he was there, but also is he actually he got a great frisky behind that. That crazy fractions that's up for him. I end if a little concern is he had every reason to finish and get the job done, and he's still not. He's still kinda got past there by a long shot late and it's kind of like if he can't close the deal with that setup, how much better that up gonna get for free. Classics that I feel like he has. He's he's proven that he's a quality I would have liked to have seen him in his class. Hold on in that spot because I said he got the ideal set up. And I said, I just worry about I e needed the crows deal there in that in that race under snow, the winner of the Dubai World Cup in March didn't fair too well, when they switched him grass for the judge Mont in August. What about Mendelssohn? You mentioned him and I'm not so sure I would call that such a great race. He was very washed out before the race started really ran an unbridled fast pace sitting right off of the early leader was seem very rank and Iran more did everything. He could to try to wrangle them back and settle them down. But I don't think it really helped it all and he dinners third, but seemed like he should have been the best horse in there. The I agree. I don't think it was bad for him at all. I don't get concerned with him washing, especially those European horses come over. That's kinda them if they're not quitting. I'm a little worried about them. And the fact that I mean right more role to win and actually go back if you will, back on his race in the UA derby when he bloom away by over eighteen lane, he took it to the front that day. He went to the front and he said, come on with me and see what happens in Iran them like in the ground. So I think he's actually been more more active when he has kind of kind of pushed. The issue would take it himself, put them felt more forwardly placed on the lease. So I don't think that was the wrong call at all. And also if he let diversified go, if you let him loose on lead and have his things own way, you're going to get Whitney to point up. You knew what had game with if you just let them out there and you get beat by five, the idiot who declared grade one food loans being on paper up, and he went and he went after him and he was still there after those fraction p was still there. In in third and not that far backward where diversify had shocked in in the town after those fraction, the fact that he was still there Badwin late after tation. Those got it was very wrong. His part, another horse who may be up near the lead. It seems like there's going to be quite a bit of speed in the classic one with. Certainly a lot of back class is mind your biscuits coming to the top of the stretch flowers for Lisa. The whip is out mind. Your biscuits moves up alongside of these to go by the quarter pole together might your biscuits is off the turn it front now opening up link at a half. Now by to now buy three hours. Police is back in second honorable duty toast of New York rated r superstar one for a long to go mind your biscuits on a five length lead all by himself. It's mine door biscuits by four in the end. Where do you see mind your biscuits in a mile and a quarter race? Certainly proving go a mile in an eighth, not quite sure of the competition beat, but a mile and a quarter against this. Field that seems like he's going to give it a try. If that's the deeper holds for for the classic, it's gonna give him an ideal pay scenario. He was closer up to normal. The big teen early. He that third between forces early usually a little bit further back and you know, he's got just a fantastic clothing kick there that he can run horses out with. But he he did show. I actually liked that he that he showed that he can sit closer off, you know, and Phil be a Beck of ran a very good time. He looked. He looked like he finished out with good energy finished up. Well, exactly the way you wanna see and now he's got a race over that service as well, which is which is no small factor considering that is going to be a question Mark for some of the expected top challenger for Breeders Cup, which you mentioned. You know, the old question of all would be, I mean, bless them. You know, he finished ahead of horse and toast of your, you know, who's making his third start back off of three year hiatus and hadn't rump in January after finishing last in this World Cup brings Rome by Costa get. Second, but it's kind of like, yeah, you know what you're gonna face better than that when you get to the Breeders Cup day, but you know, lot in, you know, CAD and them, they're still deciding which way you're going to go in this year as open as a Catholic division it and the fact that even the top he kept players have notable question marks on them. Like I said, as far as shipping and go out that our state, there's no going on her this year. There is no era gate. There is no one who got this thing by the throat. Why not take the swing? You know it would do you know it's not the craziest thing, the world, he proving that it's a that he's at least got it. You know that he could handle the term the ground and finish up? Well, it would you world Hanson, you know his value, ease later on. The unsubtle should I next year? You know, I'm kind of, like I said, I would take this way just because I think this is just a year to do it. There's not a year with, I don't think in obvious monster. This is your clear stand out in, you know, you're gonna, you know, I think it's opened off the Merrick go, I go for, if I were then, and the same would probably be true of the connections of Catholic boy who's won a grade one on third and turf. Is he the most looming presence out there? Probably not. But why wouldn't you take a shot when the same scenario applies to him? Yeah, I mean, and that and that's their plan. Obviously, they're going to train up to the top. You know, he certainly has proven himself over over both surfaces. And even if you do believe that, you know, possibly he is better on turf than dirt. He's obviously, you know, great. Overall, he's in mind. Her show is a track that historically forever reason, please very favorably towards. Tour forces trying to make that into darks. Turf base worth. They seem to be able to handle veteran show main track better than other main facts. You know, you've got the obvious examples example looking back like, you know with with an animal kingdom and he won the Darby that track justly favorably to tourists to tour forces making that may track finishing. So even if you believe he might, you know, in his heart and might be better on her after Lutely. You know, he might really very, very well Churchill Downs at the way that that that was plays. I think you know McKenzie to if his running the Pennsylvania derby, they'd take too much out of him. I think the Kennedy might be right there too. Yeah, you know, I, I think it's open enough and I think he's got enough talent and ability ability, and he was opposed to be the one forbath for this year before he got hurt before you know, we justify him on the he was the worth of bath was gonna be his very winner this year. And I said he came back and extremely impressed, the fashion of Pennsylvania Derbys taking which out of him. I think all. E- extremely live, the this. Bob Baffert is just unbelievably loses. A triple crown winner in justify has to potential winners of the Breeders Cup, Classic, and MacKenzie, and west coast has to potential candidates good candidates for the Breeders Cup this staff. But the main one really threw in a clunker. Most recently in the great ones, then Yata which his other horse veiled Dory ended up winning. What did you make of both of their races. Bob was after raised about as puzzled as as everybody else who had would watch because I mean, really that would very, very non-life able hasn't. She doesn't know. She hasn't really throwing a funk or like that. You know, I mean, I know she got beat in the luxury end of the start of the year. But you know, she just looked like she would never Inish. She never really ticked up her feet. She never made a serious bid and she just looked like she was disinterested row, which is not for in any shape away. She's always right in there. So you know, I know that I think I think he said some publications that there's been a virus going around his guard. I think that's a cause other mother to get smashed out that she came down with it. It would certainly give you a solid reason as to why she performed the way she did. You know, she's obviously coming off that extremely hard raid in the personal end where her in the late just went out each other and really, really great Clack. Fashion there. So maybe that battle with with late, maybe she maybe that to something out of her wheel in back for that, but forms he was clearly the, she, she, she should have been cleared the best in yada if she was anywhere close to her normal self. So that's concerning. See her run like that in her final trap before the breer up and and that worry. I mean, they've been trying to get her back on track. Bob been trying to get her to find her old, or you know her old tops for from last season. You know that she's looking bandage for me. Disinterested certainly scored nice win for so there I don't. I said, it became of, you know, we know what she's capable of it. She had a great run really this season last year. I think she rattled off something like four hundred win the start of two thousand fourteen and have to really, really great runs there. The winning. But you know, if you back as me, she's back. Did she just have a good day at the expense for sable mate? Not having a good day remains to be seen in some ways. The picture is becoming clearer and other ways. We're still let scratching our heads that's the fun of the sport, and I could do this with you all day long cats, right wrong is we're all this stuff and spaghetti on the wall and Beal with dick. Exactly. That's the fun of it. And if you don't like it just cut my pay considering I don't get it for this show. It's fine either way that is so much refu- minutes. My friend haven't been one. Art, thanks to Lisa wins Hughes Thomas. There's just no way that you can own the Washington Redskins and take on the Dallas Cowboys twice a year beating the New York Yankees. You can enjoy it as a fan, but with few financial benefits, I fear but enforce racing, you can be the little guy and win, even against an owner whose blood runs blue and so it was that a computer technician, the ruler of Dubai in a venerable stakes race. Yes, it's true here. Riots Saint Louis wants a computer technician for 'em tote and on discrete lover, spent ten grand to own and train shocked the racing world by winning the jockey club Gold Cup, because second place was all that thunder snow attained you riot Saint Louis didn't build a two billion dollar track as Sheikh Mohammed did eight years ago. But after the Gold Cup, the Saint Louis is said they could pay their college bills. What. Other sport could produce such Tableau. You can get us on our YouTube channel by searching in the gate podcast. You can get us on soundcloud as well. Get us at the i. tune store or tune in dot com. You can get us on that little ping pong catcher app on your phone. You didn't even know you had. And now you can subscribe to indicate in the listen tab of the ESPN app for the full indicate experience subscribe. Now in the listen tab of the ESPN app, and you can follow me on Twitter at Abrahams voice on Facebook at Barry Abrams voice that's in the gate for this week. I Barry Abrams. We'll see you next time.
The godmother of the open office
"Richard pod is sponsored by T. Rowe price. Are you looking to learn a thing or two about getting your finances in order saving and investing? Check out the confident wallet a personal finance podcast series by T. Rowe price and the Washington Post brand studio find it wherever you get your podcasts. Hey history lovers. I'm Mike Rosen walled with retro pod. A show about the past rediscovered if you work in an office without offices with just about everyone working in a large spare space full of stylish deaths straight lines papers stored in credential, then you have met Florence no facet. She is the godmother of the open office plan as New York Times. Architecture critic Paul Goldberger put it no Bassett probably did more than any other single figure to create the modern sleek postwar American office out went the heavy desk and draperies and hulking file cabinets that had cluttered offices for years in came spare straight edge deaths and furnishings and a devotion to aesthetic simplicity. Cluttered office space. She thought led to uncluttered mines every detail mattered from the layout of the space to the materials on the furniture. No Bassett's own designs launched trends in office decor, still seen today, including an oval shaped desk with a thin sheet of marble or wood floating atop a simple chrome pedestal in the first dozen years after the table was introduced in nineteen sixty one more than three million were sold. No Bassett was born on may twenty fourth nineteen seventeen in Saginaw Michigan. Her father ran a family baking company, but both of her parents died at early ages leaving her an orphan at twelve. A guardian enrolled her in a private girls' school outside Detroit. An art teacher there once asked what project she was interested in I want to design a house. She said. No Bassett's interest in design persistent. She soon came to the attention of Elio ceremony in the claimed architect and father of aero ceremony. The chief designer of Washington's Dulles airport and the gateway arch in Saint Louis. The elder Seren who taught at a nearby design school mill facet later attended practically made her a member of his family during the summers she traveled with the ceremonies to their native. Finley and met other renowned architects later, she attended the architectural association in London then trained under mies van der Rohe one of the leading architects of the twentieth century whose emphasis on straight lines and the lack of ornament became a hallmark of her design. Upon joining a New York architecture firm, no Bassett because of her gender was often relegated to designing interiors of buildings rather than the structures themselves in one thousand nine hundred forty three she began working with a man named Hans knoll who was running a New York branch of his family's furniture business. They fell in love and married in nineteen Forty-six. No was killed in a car accident in Cuba in one thousand nine hundred fifty five and no Bassett became president of the company working on office spaces for icons of American business. General Motors IBM Rockefeller Center, the Hines headquarters in Pittsburgh in New York's Seagram building before putting pencil to paper. She interviewed workers not just the bosses to understand how they spent their time and moved around the office, then she made a pay stub model out of cardboard showing every chair table lamp and typewriter. She used the exact paint colors fabric samples, and when everything was in its place. Folded the flattened model together to create a three dimensional replica of the office. Nole Bassett's papers are now in the Smithsonian Institution's archives of American art. They include her remarkably detailed hand-drawn designs, knoll Bassett's final major project completed in nineteen sixty five was the interior of the CVS headquarters in New York. She designed everything from tables, desks and chairs to wall coverings and even door handles. No Basset died in late January. She was one hundred and one years old, and is survived by three step children nine grandchildren into legacy that looks very much like the office where this episode was produced. I'm Mike Rosen walled. Thanks for listening. This episode was adapted from story written by Matt shoot for the Washington Post and for more forgotten stories from history. Visit Washington Post dot com slash retro pod.
How Has 'A Wrinkle in Time' Inspired Real Scientists?
"This episode is brought to you by. Ibm today answers matter more than ever before. That's why ibm is helping. Businesses manage customer. Questions with watson assistant. It's conversational a i designed to work for any industry. Let's put smart to work visit. Ibm dot com slash watson. Assistant welcome to brainstorm a production of. I heart radio. Hey brain steph. Lauryn vauban here education in careers in science technology engineering. Math sometimes called stem were once denied to women. Due to biased beliefs. About women are or should be capable of even as of two thousand fifteen only twenty. Four percent of americans employed in stem occupations were women. It's been relatively difficult for young women and especially young women of color to find science heroes who look like them in reality or in fiction. And that's why author madeleine lingle's nineteen sixty two book wrinkle in time and it's smart science loving young hero. Mcmurray struck a chord with many scientists to be representations important we spoke with three modern day megs all grown up. Find out how they were inspired by the characters bravery ambition and intelligence to pursue real life scientific success. I up dr. Amy sarin a successful neuropsychologist. Reading a wrinkle. In time is a girl had a huge effect. On her future accomplishments she said by email it was nineteen eighty-four and almost unheard of to have a female heroine who i could identify with in a book. I loved the book so much. I actually wrote to madeleine lengle. And to my surprise she wrote back. We became pen pals for a short time. When i was in third or fourth grade she encouraged me to follow my dreams and her responses really helped encourage me. Meg was far more than a fictional character to dr sabourin. She said reading. The book helped me to identify that. I should follow my passion and curiosity today. Dr seren devotes our professional life to helping people who struggle with debilitating neurological disorders like anxiety. Ptsd and depression. We also spoke by email with doctor. Amy baxter a doctor turned inventor. Much of the story of a wrinkle in time is about megs quest to find her father throughout time and space but dr baxter's zeroed in immediately on meg's mother. Mrs murray who was a microbiologist baxter said via email of course i was inspired by mrs murray. Why wasn't she dr out in the garage with her lab equipment. Mrs murray was the ultimate balanced scientists mom the nurturing skills to make hot cocoa when the kids needed it the presence and power to let the kids take care of what they should be able to the will plug forward. Even when her husband was gone the courage to ignore haters and the trust in her kids to accept the mrs who are three characters in the book when introduced and sometimes she didn't leave the lab. And that was okay. She was a role model for science balance. Like many. dr baxter. Also felt a powerful connection to meg. She said it was the first time i was introduced to a female protagonist who felt ostracized for being smart and was loved anyway and whose love for others saved the bay powerful stuff when you're a chubby loaner reading books in class all day long the book led to dr baxter's eventual success as a twenty year emergency room physicians inventor. She said that as a kid quote. I loved the idea of solving problems in your garage. I made a chemistry lab in my basement at home but discovered the stuff they give you in kids home. Chemistry kits can only turned things. Pink and blue not cure cancer. Her patients paid off however she said even though i practiced medicine my career ended up pivoting on something i made in my basement. That's something a device. She invented to block needle pain. Which gained traction as a way to avoid using opioids post-surgery. We also spoke by email with mathematician. Dr abby hers egg who's currently a professor in the department of educational theory and practice the university of albany. The concept of time travel itself played a huge part in her career path. She said i've always been fascinated by the concept of time. What is time is time travel possible. There are intriguing. Paradoxes and puzzles associated with time travel and the nature of the passage of time a wrinkle. In time one of the first books. I read as a child but dealt these ideas and turned me into a life. Long time geek. The books gentle push has since led her to explore many of science time and yes even time travel she said. My academic focus has always been mathematics and mathematical skills coupled with my time obsession have led me to take physics courses and read a lot about science physics in particular. But not exclusively. She enjoys researching and collecting different types of clocks and also loves investigating the various calendars created throughout history. She said the mathematics behind some of these measurement concepts is a real addiction of mine. We think meg would approve. The disney live action film. Adaptation of a wrinkle in time that came out in two thousand eighteen cast a young black actor in the role of meg. Here's hoping the kids of all genders and skin colors can continue finding inspiration and meg and other science heroes real and fictional. Today's episode was written by leah. Hoyt and produced by tyler. Clang for more on this amount of other curious topics visit how stuff works. dot com. Rain stuff is production of iheartradio or more podcasts. My heart radio. Visit the iheartradio app apple podcasts. Or wherever you listen to your favorite shows did you know the original. Mr potato head was an actual potato. Did you know that all tequila zor meskel but not all mess cow tequila. Did you know some goats. Climb trees did you know. There really was a jones family that everyone in new york was trying to keep up with or the pablo picasso was a child prodigy. Who could draw before he could talk. You will stuff. You should know an incomplete compendium of mostly interesting things preorder now. It's stuff you should know. Dot com or wherever books are sold.
411 Release Judgment and Past Conditioning To Be Fulfilled; Phoebe Mroczek
"Mindfulness mode four hundred eleven and so when we're shitting all over ourselves. It's because we're making judgment calls on someone else's perception reach new heights, Ofcom, focus and happiness. So glad to have you. Join us here mindfulness mode today and today, I have a guest on who can help us all release judgment and past conditioning. You might have seen that in the title. What a great thing if we can truly release those things from our minds, by the way, I've recently recorded a new free meditation to help you get more focused. It's just for you mindful tribe with more focus, you know, you can get more of the things done in life that truly matter to you on the meditation. I talk about waves and how the waves can bring you calm and become more relaxed peaceful and content to call. Tom your mind and relax your body. Just go to mindfulness mode dot com forward slash waves of content. Sit back relax and enjoy this interview with the bubbly Phoebe. Mindful tribe. I have a very interesting very outgoing passionate fun guest with me today. I've got I've got Phoebe Myrrha check with me today. Phoebe are you in mindfulness mode today? I am in mindfulness today. I'm excited to be here. Think that oh, it's my pleasure. It's my pleasure. And I'm going to just read a bit about you. But before I do tell us what mindfulness means to you Phoebe. So to me mindfulness is really being present and being grateful in the current moment and just embracing life for where you are at the moment. I love how you included being grateful because I think gratitude is a huge part of mindfulness. Yeah. That's awesome. And so- Phoebe miratec is a podcast or she's a marketing strategist, and she's an explorer. She helps online entrepreneurs create a profitable business that is a reflection of who you are. And what you want, and it's crazy. But a lot of us can't figure that out can Kennewick. She's the host of the unbecoming podcast. And it's a show that helps entrepreneurs release judgment expectations and past conditioning to refine their metrics of success and live a fun free and fulfilling life, and if that doesn't tie in with mindfulness Phoebe, I don't know what does. Over the past few years. She's built an online marketing business that's helped establishing established entrepreneurs refined. They're paid ad and launch strategies. She's created a podcast. She co hosted with over nine hundred thousand downloads, and she's organized various events and masterminds online communities and things like that. She has done so many cool things like diving with great white sharks. And she's camped in the Seren gatty. She's g motorbike to cross Europe. I mean, your life is just so exciting Phoebe. When people read it back, and you're like, wow. That's so funny because bios to me are just I just find bios to be quite funny anyway, because they're you try to put together what actually makes sense for who you are. And how do you express that? And so it's it's always nice to hear little things that people take out, and even that you're pulling out of it because things that resonate with you and your listeners and the show. So it's funny to hear Phoebe I wanna talk about your inner poet because when I listened to your podcast. It's like, whoa. Like you. You just it's just so juicy. How you explain the passion you have for poetry. And you talk about the quote, well, I'm going to share right now. It says this maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming, everything that isn't really you. So that you can be. Who you were meant to be in the first place, and I just think that is so awesome. And that's how you came up with the name of your podcast it when I heard that quote, I just thought what a great reflection of what I've gone through in my life. And how I believe that we live in this world of just so much expectation and judgment put on us, and you know, self-induced pressure, and how do you turn that around and strip away all the things that you think you're supposed to be you know, the supposed to and really step into a life of meaning an ally of fulfilling free fun life that makes sense for you who you are. And how do you express that in the world? And how do you wanna show up for the people you love and care about which ties so beautifully into the mindfulness? You know, a mission of mindfulness for sure it really does tie into that. And so tell us about your struggles before all this amazing stuff happened that I shared in the. Bio what were you going through? Yes. So I I talk a lot about seasons of life. And so in the early season of my life. It was I'm from a very I would say high performing family, and so I wasn't really sure where I fit in. Because the there was a lot of pressure in my family. And I don't know if that was spoken or unspoken probably more. So unspoken to be the best at something whatever it was. And I'm from this family where everybody had their role. It was the smart one the pretty one the, you know, an eye slotted in as the we'll I'm going to be the athlete one. And so being the ethnic one didn't allow me to explore other things. It was great. I ended up going on to reach my childhood dream of being division. One college soccer player, which was great. But then I got there and thought, wow, not just is this it, but will now what? Now, everybody knows me as the one thing the athlete, and I haven't explored any other part of my life. That could provide any sort of fulfillment. And so I ended up quitting soccer and went through a huge identity crisis of who am I what am I here to do? What is you know, the one purpose for my life? And there was so much pressure on choosing the next right thing. And so that has been a constant struggle and challenge in my life is okay. So if I'm not the athlete anymore. Then who am I okay? We'll now I'm the entrepreneur. Now, I'm the adventurer, and it was one foot in this box. And that was that was the only box that I could be in. And so only in the last five years have I realized that it's so incredibly limiting to limit yourself to one box. And what if I kinda straddled the box and put my foot in another box. And what if this label that I have put on myself what if I took that away and stripped it down and just saw. Well, I me and today that means X and tomorrow, it could be totally different. So giving myself permission to figure that out and be the person. That I wanna be and that I know I am. So there's no more of this becoming all these things. It's like, well, what if I just strip that down and figure out who actually was in the first place before all this all these labels and all this judgment kind of came into my life. So that was the primary struggle for me. Right. It sounds like you just have so much wisdom it really does fee. No you've done a lot of traveling you've traveled to more than sixty countries. Do you think some of your wisdom has come to you because of your travels in your explorations? Absolutely. I am a traveller through him through at something. That will always be a huge part of my life. Because how you know. It's the how you do one thing is how you do everything. And when I look at how I travel I do best in life in general when I don't know the rules. And so I lived in China for three years and living there there are no rules. And then there are a lot of rules. And so it's trying to figure out how do I how do I figure this out? How do I pieced my life together? And so that is a constant in my life as far as when I travel somewhere, I observe myself so much, and that's really where you know. You're talking about the inner poet for me. It's I'm all my brain thinks in analogies, and I think constantly about oh my gosh. I'm on a scooter in Bali right now. And I can't see what's in front of me, you know, dark, and I can only see what my lights will show me. Whoa. What if we just thought about life that way? And what if we only focused on what's right in front of us, mindfulness, you know, and as opposed to where we're actually going if we just focus right now on what we can see how much more fulfilling how much more would. We actually appreciate the present moment where we are. So I totally agree. What was the scariest thing you ever? Did was it when you were diving with the great white sharks? That was that was more fun. You know, it was terrifying. But really, you know to be completely. Honest. The scariest thing I think I did was starting my podcast really truly beyond camping in the Seren Getty doing that. We had an elephant walk through our camp. It was just insane. And so fun. But those are the things that, you know, get your adrenaline, and those are your journal in pumping and really help you to appreciate where you are at the moment. And there's no other way around it. But when you're I just when I was starting my podcast. I had just left a podcast that had almost a million downloads. And to really go out on my own. I'm used to being behind the scenes and to put myself out there as hey, I'm the person who's unbecoming, right? I which has a double meaning which again, I really appreciate that unbecoming side. You know, it's unbecoming of a woman of a, you know of a female to talk about some of the things I wanna talk about. And I think that's part of the fun of the word on becoming. But when I looked at what that represented for me that I was leading the charge on this. So. So I have to lead, by example, which means I have to, you know, basically document my own becoming process, and it can be messy, and it can be ugly. You've listened to my show. And you're like, oh, I know so much about my, you know, your life from like yet, and that's being amplified to a lot of people and people get to hear my story, which is sometimes exciting and other times, really scary. So I've had a lot of terrifying. Moments co hosted with James wed more right on the mon- business show. And you're great on that show. But I'm so surprised to hear that. It was your biggest fear to start your own show. Was it because you became so comfortable in that co host chair that you felt like it was going to be difficult to be your own person. Is that y yeah. And I felt like the next thing had to be the right thing, and it had to be the best thing. And so that again goes back to what I was talking about with the soccer stuff. It was like. Okay. Well, now all eyes on me. And. Am I going to do next and I felt so much pressure to release something right away? And then I just decided you know, what I need to take a step back. I need to just really reevaluate. And why am I doing this? So it's also become the most incredible journey. I have loved every moment of it. It's the most fun thing. I do in in my life and business at the moment. It's so fun because I just get to share myself with people, and I don't know how that's going to be received. But I do it for me. And for the people that right in tell me, you know, stories that why where are stories intersect and how they find inspiration from what I'm writing or what I'm talking about. And so it was that scary. Like, can I do this on my own? Is there do I have a message? You definitely have a message and you're on episode sixty two. So you shared a lot of those messages. But what blows me away is. You're just so relaxed. Just sounds like you're so relaxed so front and just who you are new sharing about your life and sharing. About your opinions. And you know, it just comes across as being so refreshing because I think in our society, so many of us are not comfortable sharing who we truly are. Absent it's scary. When you put your heart on the line, and I talked to a lot of my clients when we talk about you're going into a launch or you're going into, you know, you're selling a program, or course, that's you in a program. Right. And so I I like to liken it to a man who's about to propose, right and your your hands all sweaty in your shaky and you're down on your knee. And you have no idea how it's going to be received your heart is fully on the line here. And that's how it feels when you're putting anything out into the world. Whether it's your voice through podcasting. Which is what I love. I love to podcast or it's through a course or program, or you're, you know, you're reading somebody's book somebody's poetry, and you're receiving them, which is just a really cool concept and something I think about all the time. Actually, you talk about on your show. Oh, this should mentality in how we're shooting all over in all we can be shooting all over ourselves. Can you tell us some some of your perspective of this totally? So I just when I started to really listen to what was going on in the inner dialogue. I just realized. Well, all these things that I had set up for my life was because I should do that. I should another really scary moment for me was moving back to the US. I had been overseas for seven years. And and I felt like well, I have I don't know where else to go. I should probably move closer to my family because that's just what you do. And then I realized well, wait a minute. If I have a choice full choice, which I do in my life. What do I actually want to do? And you said earlier that sometimes we don't know what we want. We always know what we want. We're just not asking ourselves the right questions. And so when we're shitting all over ourselves. It's because we're making judgment calls on someone else's perception. Right. So I think that my. Family believes that I should be closer to them. We'll maybe they just want me to be happy. So wherever that is. And and that's truly when I start to step into that. Then I realized I show up as a much more present lovable likable person that is in full support of them. Because now I'm in full support of myself. So when I can get to that point in me, I can share that with other people, and it makes me a lot more fun to be around. Well. It. It is a lot more fun to be around people like that. And you know, you you talk about all these categories and these boxes used to put yourself on in. And that's kind of like judging really, it's basically judging where you should be or where you think you should be. I'd like to talk a little bit more about how you're able to let go of that. 'cause I know you are. And I know that's what your podcast is about. But my listeners may not have heard your podcast. So I want you to share with us about how you do let go of those desires to put yourself in categories. So I can't say that. I'm an expert in it. Right. I never claimed to be an expert in any of this because it's still shows up for me all the time. When all of a sudden, I'm in a conversation, and I can just hear myself. I'm not being honest. Right. So that's the first thing is really being honest with yourself. And what is that look like for everyone? It's going to be something different. It could be in terms of meditation and visualization. And so you're just getting honest with where you are at the current moment. So that looks like for me, it was auditing my life and seeing what parts of my life. What categories what different areas was I not as far ahead as I want. Right. Not as anybody else. You know, I'm not in a relationship. I'm not all these things that you know, society tells us we should be so auditing your life and figuring out where you are and really coming to terms and peace and acceptance and gratitude with that because that's going to be the blueprint for how you proceed in the future. Right. So when you are now. Okay. My health and fitness is kinda suffering a little bit. We'll great what would make you know. It's a four on a one to ten scale. What would make it a ten and just getting really honest about your values. I think your values is a really good one a really good place to start as well as if you put everything in alignment with what you've Allieu. So for me, it's travel adventure. I kind of lump that into one learning and connection. So everything I'm doing at the moment is just. In alignment with that. And if it's not it's an easy. No. And it's an easy. Okay. Well, now, I realize that this is not this is not a priority for me. And I think your values change and evolve. But really figuring out, you know, asking yourself the right questions. What do I value? What do I want to be remembered for who do I want to be remembered by what do I really want to be doing? And for my entrepreneurial friends. It's a lot of my question is not the people talk all the money were no object like wolf, I inherited a two hundred million dollar company that was going to sustain me for life. What do I hope that business is doing and those are the answers when I'm journaling when I meditating when I'm visualizing the things that are coming up for me is really that's the magic. And that's where now I can see what that life could look like and Phoebe how much journaling doodoo, and does it take on a certain format or do you just sit down, right? Tell us about that. Yeah. So I I crave variety. So I'm not somebody who can sit down and journal every morning if I go through a period or phase when that is what I wanna do then that's great. But what I do is I incorporated into as an option in my morning routine. So my philosophy in my head. I don't think I've ever really should this. But when I talk about it, it's I wanna get three wins before nine AM. And that's the winning athlete mentality in my head. That is you know, I want to win before I even start the day. So how do I set myself up for a win and journaling is an option. It's also, you know, I make my bed or and I just choose three of the things. So I can make my bed. I can journal I meditate I can do visualization. I can do some exercise. I can take a cold shower. I can read, you know. So those are things that I have available to me at any point. And so I just tried to do three of those. It's very consistent. And it also allows me to have that kind of adventure variety. That I'm after in my life anyway. So that's kind of the format. Takes on cool. How do cold showers enhance your life? Well, first of all, they're terrible. Oh, that's so great. Do you love it? No. I hate it. But you know, you do it because it's it's really good for your vitality. It's great to kind of get your body your blood pumping. It's also the health benefits are really great. I don't actually really care that much. I just know that it's really great for you. But what I do is because it's uncomfortable. So I'm constantly trying to stretch myself. I'm trying to do something that makes me a little bit uncomfortable every day, and whatever that looks like so that's something. That's challenge put out to myself. And then if I do a coach, our, I'm like, okay. Well, then before nine o'clock, I've already committed to something that I talk about all the time which is getting out of your f- getting out of your own way and getting out of your comfort zone to really stretch yourself and understand what you're capable of. I think that's so true. I totally believe that and I've been doing cold showers since November twentieth every day. And then I emerging as well like, and I'm like man, I feel so alive. I feel. I have so much courage and strength. You know what I mean without it? I kind of like, oh, I feel kind of dull. And I better go Dake old sour mazing. Isn't it? How it makes you feel so alive absolute? And you get out, and you just think. Wow. Okay. All right. I can I'm ready to go out and conquer the day. And whatever that looks like so it's right. You're sure I can't believe you do those that's your. I mean every day since November that is very courageous every day and I freeze ice every day. So I can get really like immersed in really icy cold water. And now, the cold showers don't seem as cold because you know, with they can be a lot colder, but I follow Wim Hof who is. You know, you know, off right? Exactly. Yeah. But I think that's such a great analogy for life, right? Is like what you just said. Which if I can do that what I can do anything. What else can I do? What else can my body? You know? You know, a lot of like for me mindfulness is getting into your body. And so from that perspective, if you look at anything that you're going through in life. It's just a matter of doing it because you know, you can do it. And we talk ourselves out of it and our brains are very dangerous places. Sometimes. And so if you actually just go, and you do it for you. It's a culture our same with me. And then I'm like, well, if I could do that, I can do anything, you know, or I can do it a little bit longer next time or whatever it is. So that's a great, exactly. And I know the bio it says, your marketing strategist is that what you do most of the time to you know, as your career to earn money. And if so tell us about that what kind of strategy. Do you offer people? Yes. So my business has evolved quite a bit over the last couple years, so originally as you mentioned the bio I started off with like paid advertising, and then I moved into creating marketing funnels so basically start to purchase. How somebody finds you to when they actually buy from me. I'm hell. Ping design that experience and then that moved into. Okay. Well, now, how do we actually just build a business that is an extension or a reflection of who we are? And so now, it's straddling the fence. Right. I I had a hard time grasping or communicating M I marketing or business coach or am. I a personal coach, and I just thought well, and so for so long for probably a year, I really struggled back and forth with which one Emma? I and then I decided, oh, yeah. I'm an end person. I am not an either. Or so that is what I that's now how I can help people. I have the marketing background I understand how how to communicate your business effectively. But I also believe that what people don't focus on is this element of positioning, which stems from who you are. And knowing who you are. So if you haven't done the personal work, everyone talks about the strategies, the what's in the house and Simon it came in and said, people don't buy what you do they buy why you do it. And I think it goes one step beyond. That which is people by who you are before they ever buy. Why you do what you do? And so if you can actually really refined that and understand who you are. And why you're here, and what you're supposed to do in the world in this moment, then we can go onto commune communicate that and we create your wife from that which helps to connect people. And then the what strategies so I am sort of the beginning person that you come to to figure out the hoop. He's so from a personal development angle from a marketing angle, you know, you tell me your story, we refine it. And then I come in and say, okay now, this is how we're going to communicate it and here's broken down in the next ninety days what we're going to focus on. So whether that's social media, whether that's Email marketing, you know, anything and everything is fair game. But everyone needs an action plan and step by step process. So I that's how my brain thinks. I'm step by step by step. So I kind of married the two, and then once you go on to create your products, and and that. Then you know, maybe you come back to refine strategy. But that's what I do for my clients. Wow. It sounds like it's such a gift your clients because so many of us who are creative. Sometimes just feel I'm I'm speaking for myself, but just feel all over the place. Sometimes right. Oh, I can do this. I can write a song. I can I can journal. I can do all these things. But speaking of all these things do what you mentioned you meditate. What's your meditation? Look like, so I actually just recently downloaded the insight timer I've been using that. But I have a really hard time with guided meditations for some reason, I just I can't focus so I'm focused so much on the on the person's voice and that's distracting. And so what I I really have been working with the the insight timer, but just setting my limits. I meditate for seven minutes and in that seven minutes. It depends on kind of how I'm feeling right? I'm very like in the moment. This is how. I'm feeling this is how I'm not feeling I really like just plain normal breathing. But what I I think works the best for me is almost like a heartbeat meditation. So I feel my heart, and I just focus on my heartbeat as opposed to my breathing because I find when I'm in any kind of breathing meditation. I worry that maybe I'm not breathing deep enough and just all this noise. As opposed to my heartbeat is going to be very consistent. And I know, you know, I can feel it, and it really brings into a present moment. So seven minutes, usually, that's cool. I don't use guided meditations myself there was a time. When I did I find a lot of my clients like guided meditation, but I like silent meditation much like you're describing so yeah, that's that's cool. You do that. I wanted to ask you about your father. I know you mentioned when we first got on on the call before I hit record that your father played the accord. Radian what kind of feelings does that bring up for you because my father did too? It's just such a that's why I brought it up because I was listening to your episode. And and as I shared with you, I heard you say it, and I was kind of away from my phone, but I could hear it. And I was like did he just say the accordion because it's just such a unique a unique instrument right into not many people hear about it or listen to it or anything. And so when I heard it even now like just talking about it. I have full body chills. Because it is it just is such a reminder to me that I'm always looking for signs, and we get to to say what the signs mean to us. And for me. It's just such a reminder that my dad is here and that he's around, and he brings up a lot of feelings of pride and happiness and. You know, and just that I know that he's here. So a lot of comfort as well. Yeah. My dad loved to watch the Lawrence Welk TV show, which often had accordion players on that. My dad was one of the first I can't remember the exact thing, but he was one of the first accordion players on the New Jersey radio. That's all I so he was he always played. But when we got you know, when we were kids he would only play at Christmas and would come and we'd all sit around the von Trapp family you need. I need I play his accordion, and I just have such fund memories of that. I. Yeah. That's really really cool. Well, I always ask a question about bullying, and I know like sometimes we talk about how we bully ourselves or or sometimes there's an experience we've had where you know. Hey, I bullied somebody one time. And this is what I learned from it. Do you have a story to share with us about bullying Phoebe? So, you know, growing up I don't I didn't feel like bullying was really that present in in my schooling. But again, I probably just wasn't aware of it. So I think the bully for me has always been the inner bully, right, right? Is always that defeating. You're not good enough voice that you don't know enough. You're not smart enough. You're not this enough. And so that has been something I've battled. I mean, my whole life, and I still do and it prevents me from doing the things that I really want to do. So if I can just like know that she's there and with my clients, we talk all about you know, what we name it. Like we name her. And we're like, oh God, you know, sassy Sally's coming out again. Here we go, you know. And and that's not me. Right. That's just this voice. That's trying to keep me small and comfortable, but that's the opposite of what I want. So for me con constantly when I bump up against something with the podcast, or you know, I'm starting a new podcast in a couple of weeks. And and that I just have to stay in the momentum of the present moment and the momentum of icon do this. And when that voice pops up in my head. What if nobody listens? What if no one cares? And then I say, well, what if the opposite is true, right? What if people do listen, and what if they do care, and what if this is a value because it's valuable to me? So it's knowing an acknowledged that she's there, and she'll always be there, which is not letting her. Take the microphone basically of my life. So just being really aware of that. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Don't let her have the mic away from the microphone back off, you know, going on in my life. I don't have enough people in my life. I don't need you showing up all the time to try to keep me from doing the amazing things that I want to do in the world. And you do a lot of amazing things, and you have done a lot of amazing things. I know that from your podcast. I wanna move ahead with five quick answer questions. And the first one Phoebe is who is one person who's influenced mindfulness in your life. I would say I mean, people that I know personally or books that I've read it could be could be an author could be a mentor. It could be somebody. You haven't even met or it's could be a friend or a relative. You know, I'm actually going to go with my dad, which seems like a pretty cliche answer. But I would say my dad prior to sorry after he passed away to be honest because that was something that I really had to become present with my feelings with my emotions and with who I was. So an who I am. And so I think he's taught me a ton after he passed away, which seems a little counterintuitive, but that's the truth. That's very cool. How his mindfulness affected your emotions Phoebe. It is showed me that. I am. It's actually allowed me to be the emotional human that. I am. I I tended to suppress that a lot growing up and so- mindfulness allows me just this confidence and comfort knowing that. My emotion. Are valid and that they're directing me in the right way. Always we talked about cold showers, but we didn't talk about breathing. How is breathing part of your mindfulness? So in my brief whenever I do a breathing meditation. I'm constantly. Just trying to stay grounded trying to stay on this place. So when I'm breathing. It is just a reminder of being really alive. I talk about that. I'm an advocate for really living. And so when you are breathing you're living, and it's something I'm great at an moments that I don't feel like I'm good anything. And I'm having a breakdown. I remember that I'm great at reading. So that helps me that's cool. Can you recommend a book related to mindfulness? So I love untethered soul. That is something. It's such a great book. But the other thing is not necessarily just a book, but the process so for me that was a book that that was the first book that I ever listened to as I was reading it. So it was different times. But it helped me stay in the present moment 'cause I was learning the same thing. So maybe I would read fast on one day. And then listen slow or the opposite. And it it's just it helps me really absorb the material. So I love that book. And I love the process that that I've used on several of those books. Michalis singers, great authors, the surrender experiment is just love those too. I love it too. Can you share nap which helps you with mindfulness in anyway? Yeah. So insight timer probably. Yeah. The most relevant and the most current at the moment for me. It's great. It's so flexible, I. I use it every day. I think it's a great app and just even as a timer. It's awesome. You know? But it it has so much more as well. Well, it's awesome to talk with you. And I know that. If you're listening to this. You might be thinking, okay. How do I spell Phoebe is name in order to get to our website Phoebe Murray? Check, and it's Phoebe is P H E B E. So let's get that down P H E B E and miratec as m are all season E K. So it's BB Marcek dot com. Any other way, we should connect with you Phoebe. Absolutely. So unbecoming podcast dot com is I'm redoing my site at the moment. So I'm really proud of what that's going to look like in the next couple of days. So you can head over there. And I'm always on. I'm very available to people through Instagram. I show show a lot of my life just to encourage people to be more open and transparent about how they're really living. And so I show up every day on Instagram, and you can always just Email. I'm very accessible. And for a reason is I want people I want to be that. That doesn't have a million gatekeepers to get to me. So Phoebe on Instagram. You're you're there under your name. Not your podcast name. Is that right? That's right. So Instagram dot com forward slash Phoebe. Miro check. Yep. Check. Okay, Phoebe merchant. So we'll find you on social media will find how real you are and how much fun you are to connect with get yourself over to the unbecoming podcast mindful tribe because it's really refreshing, and it's really informative because Phoebe has mind has mindfulness nailed and she has wisdom nailed that. She's willing to share with all of us. So thank you so much for being here. Phoebe? I am just so I mean, speaking of gratitude, I'm just really grateful to you for having me on here. I'm excited to connect with you further and your tribe, and I just appreciate so much. What you're doing in the world. And how you're spreading this mindfulness mission of yours. It's really a joy to witness. To experience to be a part of. So thank you so much. Really? Appreciate it. And yeah, thank you too. I can't wait to meet you in person and that'll happen. One of these days. Then I would love to I would love to you take care Phoebe by now. Thanks so much for joining us today on mindfulness mode for show notes for every episode checkout mindfulness mode dot com and type the guest's name or the episode number into the search bar. You can also go mindfulness mode dot com slash whatever episode number. You like if you've enjoyed this podcast, you could help us out by subscribing to mindfulness mode. Wherever you listen, whether it's on tunein or Stitcher, Google play Spotify, so many places you can hear mindfulness mode, so hit subscribe and share because that truly helps our show and remember what I mentioned at the top of the show the waves of content meditation. 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Moms w/ Margaret Cho Ep. 100
"Seren B.'s kind of like the weird lesbian play where a lot of cheese they skim by. That's not refrigerated. That's how you you know. It's a lesson indicator. Your let's die together together. I welcome to Daikin out a podcast. That's been bringing you messy. Dyke content for one hundred episodes. I'm caroline bear. She and I'm Sarah and today is extra special not just because it's our one hundred episode but because we are sitting here with the notorious notorious the one and only bisexual dicon Margaret. Show yeah congratulations on one hundred thank you amazing happen to work out the euro one hundred one and speaking of podcast you have a podcast out right now called the Margaret. Show yes where you interview people that we interview people that people know such Jazz Jonathan Vanessa and then people that you should know like like amazing comedian and all around Amazing Girl Robin Trans. She's a trans woman. She's Hilarious Larrea. She's new of the new breed of children comedian. This isn't your first podcast right. You've before I was this I did a podcast at the very dawn of podcasting in two thousand and twelve so everything was very different. It was like you know so you have a website we would have like rock paintings that would show like all of the like the show notes and step so it was a very long time ago. Go because podcasting was so it was just so different. Now it's of course really a very very exploding industry but back then it was quite different but I I enjoyed the process and it's still a lot of the basics are the same so I love you. You weren't rolling in that squarespace cat yeah yeah. I mean it was like a very different thing but we we didn't have any of the kind of like the structure that or oh the place we did on soundcloud yeah absolutely I. I saw you do stand up when I mean other other than tv but I saw you live when you came to my college on your state of Emergency Tour and you had a joke that I remembered remembered forever because it was like the first time someone had made like a relevant queer joke that I was like I get that and it I don't remember the exact phrasing but it was you saying that you wanted to go down on beyond say until you got J. Yes yeah great yeah but what was crazy about that. I mean that was a time still you had some out female comment yeah but they weren't making jokes like like that right like they weren't talking about their sex lives they talking about desire for sex and you were out there really at the forefront front doing that and now simple. It's good. I think that there was a kind of thing of like with queer comedy that some some of it was really about. I remember like being in a generation where we want to be considered equal to the straight comics right and so part of that was almost a neutralization neutralization of politics of gender of ideas in the same way it was kind of like there was feeling around when I was starting about Asian American comics. We just want to be known comics so we didn't talk about race yeah so I think that's a fallacy. There was a time where we thought that we it could gain power by mimicry. of the straight white establishment but in truth truth real power comes from being able to talk about your experience from where it is and where you are so yeah. There was a definite like shift in the way that we viewed ourselves in comedy. I mean queer. Comedy has always been a thing it's always existed always existed alongside drag and alongside all of the politics because we needed to laugh in order to get through to get over and and humor has been a great in a very very important motivator to get us through so it's interesting to snow can be accommodated for as long as I have and see all of the changes that we've gone through yeah yeah. I feel like now queer. Comics are a lot more comfortable obviously in talking about their lives together. Sex lives what's going on but still bill getting this backlash from straight comex who are like. Why do you have to talk about that? As if that's like an accessory to our lives and not a part of who we are just the way that they'll talk about a man will talk about his wife right if I talk about my wife then all of a sudden and I'm like a gay comment yeah and I'm only getting booked and gay rooms the only people I appeal to and it's almost as a way of trying to suit or be the gatekeeper of what real comedy is. That's not Bible that doesn't work because it's like male comics are so easily swayed into becoming being very misogynist very sexist very racist very homophobic and then they're looked at as being like so brave edgy orangina contract unlike it's like this is not really like that. It's just like you're actually going backwards actually regressing and not anywhere near the edge. I mean you're so in the middle if you do that so to me that that seems like a very brave way to be but they think it's really brave yeah. They think it's brave for them to make jokes about transpeople but number transpeople the talk about their own experience right right right. I mean it's like the real danger is for us to think that we're post. Homophobia Post Racial Hatred. We're right in the middle of it. No Yeah we're actually getting. We're actually as a society going backwards ourselves yeah definitely and that's been made so clear yeah. I mean it's crazy. How many people were just unaware of how much racism I mean how much white people were unaware yet. Racism that other people face because people were more quiet about it and directing it straight up minorities now they yell it through megaphone right right right and we're like hey yeah two thousand sixteen was a big year for white people realizing that racism is a is a real thing yeah a minute. What does this whole thing of explaining meaning like explaining like whites planning man's meaning that whole thing is like very it's so funny because even like we who explain to didn't have words for it and you know it's funny when you name things in put words to them than you realize like oh they exist in the growth of your mind and you realize realize oh these things happened so many times during the dog whistles everywhere yeah. That's a big one man. I overheard this guy talking about his film school experience the other day and he was like what I hate about it is they made it seem like sis. Whiteman are the enemy and I'm like. I bet you percent. They were just I saying. Diversity is important your mind. You're like this is a threat. I'm I think I'm bad yeah. There must be zero box decoder pen in their break turns certain words until like Oh. It's all about the victim and sold at comic bookstores on with the rare comics flex. There is like all the optics plastic. There's those decoder rings. That's really crazy though that that thing of like you know the Patriarchy dying and then I'm taking it really personally yeah and it's like what what does that even meeting like eating. I it's so dumb just really. It's really crazy kind of along those same lines. I did want to ask you about your time living in peachtree city just because I I used to live in Atlanta and my mom lived like one town over from peachtree city and I mean it's an interesting place to be and when I hear I remember learning that you live there when I was in Atlanta. I'm like what a weird place. It's weird well. We live just once you go. OTP astral differences and then like a Seren Erin. B. Is like the one place that it's kind of Sarah. He's kind of like the weird lesbian like play of cheese that you can buy. That's not refrigerated yeah. That's how you know. It's a lesson there's indicator and that was like the one place that you could sort of pretend like hey. I'm off the grid and I'm living out here with all this art artisanal cheese and all the stuff you know but it's not it's not really like a community. That is a very close. She liked other other. Places are very conservative yeah. They're really there was one win. Barbecue place I went and it was weird. Because on the walls there were the people the family that owned the Barbecue and they were all wearing white gowns announced and there were like there was like a hundred of them and they're in these white gowns and it was like in two people started this and it was like would you had all these children like going on like it was like a weird like you almost like the wicker man you know where you go and there's we're pagan rites that people do that but it was like very very nice people yeah very helpful but at the same time like when I heard that one restaurant was a gay bar so I called to find out and they were so offended and then I I like no no no it's not and then I asked some of the people that live there and they're like oh well. The local gays have just agreed to go. They're not actually gay bar but it. We just decided right. It's going to be the place that we go to be seen as gay. It's like Gay Disney. You pick one day. We go yeah yeah. It's like the the thing of like but to be insulted that I'm asking right. Yeah is really that defensive like it's very accessible act and so I didn't like living there I ah eventually moved to like highland in Yeah Yeah Virginia highlands because I would rather commute than live live in an environment like that for sure anytime that I went to go see my mom. I just felt a little bit nervous looking around and being like Oh these people would hate eight me hate me so much but Atlanta itself is very gay. Yeah and I felt very comfortable being out in Atlanta but then once you got outside inside the perimeter it was crazy. Did you ever go to Stone Mountain. Yes yes yeah. Did you go for the laser show. I didn't go to the laser shows. No I just went like for like hikes hikes which is super like very That's a very southern kind of thing to do. I think there but I didn't go to the laser. Show yeah the laser show they have this laser show at Stone Mountain and that it's I just like jock jams and lasers and you're like all right Lesbians Yeah Yeah I would ask Austria rolled on and follow the sounds and then at the end because they have the confederate generals etched into the side of the mouth. Oh Oh they take the lasers and they animate with lasers the generals and they play like the battle hymn of the republic yeah yeah and like people stand up and put their hands over there and we all looked around. We need to get out of here. We need to creepy like family. Funding and lasers laser show took US yeah anyway. That's a weird the weirdness of like the stars and bars mentality there. I the only time that I really felt scared. was I went to Leonard Skinner in Kid Rock Subic show and I went out and I was I was actually I was walking out around like in the lawn area. I I saw seven different. People bleeding from different areas so maybe one person was like internally bleeding and this man kept following me going. Hey I know you. You work working wings and he wouldn't leave me alone. I know that you work at my buffalo really insistent and like I had to actually go backstage because I was like I can't no I can't. That's an issue but they were all stars and bars. Everybody everybody was wearing them. Yeah and they're like hassling their hassling like the security guards. Were quite a few of them. Were black is Acelino. Security guards like this is like really unpleasant yeah like they're just really taking this way too far. You felt the hostile rage and this was even even before mega this like in twenty fourteen yeah but it's so easy to see how how quickly and easily those those people. We'll get emboldened by leadership now. That's the scary part is. These people have always been there. They've just been simmering under the surface and we haven't been that tuned into it. especially the live regionally where these people are exactly yeah. They're everywhere so true so true well. Let's get into our topics. Speaking of of the south where my mom is the one who brought me down to Atlanta for jobs after college and she come down here and I'm like no way and then I found a job. I'm like okay. I guess I have to go here but yeah. We're here talking about moms. Which Margaret is something that you talk about your stand up. A lot has been a a big part of your career. Did you immediately when when you started like go to that place of like this is rich for comedy well. I think that it's Zaveri Asian American thing to make fun of your mom because it's like we are so embarrassed because our parents are so foreign and we're like so desperately trying. I'm to be American. There are parents foreignness is deeply disturbing to us so that members like jokes that we make as like make fun of our parents shows that we're different. We're not like that and so my impression my mom kind of grew out of that comedy. I think the it's the voice of my Asian nece. It's US also just a funny person and it's also like this thing of women having a voice in my family because it's such a male dominated. Koreans are very like it's a very patriarchal society to the point of like when you are a woman. You don't even necessarily have a name. You have a name name in that who your son is like so. You're somebody's mom yeah or your. Somebody's wife but you don't have to like. It's like a honorifics thing thing so it's supposed to be respectful name but it's actually not because it's like only only like just reminding you of your place in the family so it's that kind of thing of like your your name is actually just the the mail that you're closest to in relations so it's that's kind of the feeling throughout the family and so oh. It's nice to actually have that that my mother's voice throughout my comedy because she gets a lot of attention there yeah. She gets to really shine and does does she like that. She's because I'm actually star I actually me and it's the the what's fun about her is like that. She does talk like that and then she's like always giving me notes. Like what did you do it because you exaggerate the the like. That's the funnest thing of life her kirk commenting on how wrong I'm doing it yeah. That's it's great now. She loves it. She don't love it and it's like. I think that it is like a kind of recognition that a lot of the women in my family didn't get so that's good yeah. My mom also likes when I talk about her and her stand up our my stand up but I think it's because I talk about a lot of things. She forgets that she said. Oh yeah like like shows. Tell me things when she's a little wine drunk. I love like this. is like every once in a while. My mom will try to relate to me me being gay by telling me about the one time her and her friend Patty did something not sure what so so. She'll she'll try to bring that up and I'm like stop. I don't want to hear about it. We don't need to bomb this way. I would like to hear the full story from here. I'm curious bottle of like Scotto no allows. She started talking about it. I'm like mom can stop. You've told me this before and she's like no I happen. I'm like I have a video of me doing stand up about the fact that you keep trying to Akron Daddy term like yes. It was so funny but if you're going to keep saying silly things when when you're drunk happened with her and Patty is that they passed an ice cube cube between between their mouths between their mouth now that's actually my dad and her husband pretty intimate yeah but it was for or it was her husband for the male gaze that doesn't count that out in a way but it's also kind of like but it's cute yeah she also likes to talk about how beautiful Patios and has artful nude of her love that you know it's a special relationship but she definitely embracing in your cleared us in that way. That's cool yeah yeah. I think my mom in terms of me being queried like she was great. When I came out she was a little bit surprised and even though I never had a boyfriend that into I never did more than hold hands with the boy and she just acted like I thought you were so into boys. My bedroom room is like full of Madonna's nipples and like only only the teen hunky actors with long hair. Yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah yeah. It was like a hot soft. Butch Jeff sure definitely unlike nineties. Leo DiCaprio was like the Hottest Lesbian Yeah Yeah definitely yeah like tennis instructor yeah and now that's the aesthetic like in Brooklyn of all the like twenty four year old. Soft Butch women is that Leo right when he got cast and titanic ultimate aesthetic to go for her. I love that yeah. That's why we love so much yeah. My mom is very I'm from Nebraska Gasol. I'm from not a from a very neutral part of the country in so many ways like this the smack in the middle of the country. There's no regional dialects. There's really nothing particularly special about anything. It's all just sort of. We're just sort of there and but she but so there's you know there's a conservative element to it but my mom is like she's like an atheist a bleeding eating her liberal like yeah all of the above. I think that she has wielded Mike Weirdness as cool points for her like she. It's like a social status thing now with her and her friends. I have a daughter and she lives in New York and like she used to work at some some place and they told me once that she was having lunch with like the couple of other ladies who have gay kids who get it you know they sat at the cool table. I Love I love it too. I like that I can. I can sort of get her points one that she she's like semi-retired so she drives an uber now in Omaha and she uses it as a recruiting tool for us to get listeners owners so she always plays the podcast tells everyone she texts me every single time she uses like the Lingo and she's like I found a baby gay. She's actually in her forties. Believe it or not but now she's a big fan of the podcast is the best that's such a hype man. That's perfect being eh. Bisexual was that harder for for your parents to wrap their head around the House Gay. That's the hardest thing yeah they don't believe it and they also they could accept gay gay and they can accept straight the by thing they really. They don't think it's real. They are like this is not they. They're just ooh very concerned but then they're you know they just I guess because it is a hard thing for people to kind of grasp you know like even in Queer circles. It's kind of berries fishes thing of Oh really okay like it's kind of like you know the the duality is something that well and I think it's also A. I don't think it's the right word. I think there's more than two genders so you can't get by but it's also just the only thing that we have. I guess you could say Pan Sexual Yeah but that's to me as much. It's very wiccan druid. I don't know why I'm and like putting all of these like weird like just feel like there should be candles lit in the room. If you're talking about sort of some very for for some reason I look at that as being kind of a the name is twee yeah but I'm sure it's actually more appropriate so i. I'm not sure about bisexuality. It's actually something that's very hard for people to kind of even get there. Get their mind around that. It actually exists. You'RE GONNA come out at some point. Yeah you know it's almost like the weird. The People Stage Yeah gayness fully emerging. It feels like sometimes people think it's sort of a holding pattern until you finally are just like I'm I'm gay because it is yeah. It is yeah yes yes. I was bisexual for forty five minutes and that time two hours. I think I think like nope. Just me yeah so. Did you come out to your mom or your dad. I both of them about who who and then after he have. You have to keep coming out every we are in a different relationship. You have to remember because we did. We went to therapy and new member who and I think that they'll or just sort of like this is going to be. This'll be the time where she says like you're going to you know this is going to be the time that you really stick to it almost like. I think if I'm going into another relationship with somebody of different gender that I've given up so it's like you kind of concerned yeah but it's it's something that they just they just can't because it's like their identities are so fixed in our culture our entities so fixed that it's almost like it goes against cultural norms of anything. It's not even like that. Cause Koreans also very homophobic too but then I think it's because it's a segregated culture yeah like the men are encouraged to go with the men. The women are encouraged to go the women and so you're in these same sex places all the time yeah so that homosexuality is the big taboo because the closeness is so ingrained in our relationships that we have to have one boundary of like set that boundary of Homophobia Phobia is going to keep it from tipping over the yeah so it's very it's it's an interesting culture. If you think about like the the the depth of the emotions that go through like all of the relationships ships between people the same sex yeah very trippy it is interesting though that if they if they like things fixed rather than except that you're always bisexual yes. I think that you're either straight or gay in constantly flipping between it's very ironic ironic that my bisexuality is fixed can't even even comprehend all yeah. It's very hard but it doesn't it's fine. It's sort of like they're so accepting of gay people because they were in seventy San Francisco. They had a gay bookstore. They employed all gay people they had these young people who were following hurry milk and getting full body tattoos in the seventy s so crazy to think about like people being completely tattooed sued from head to toe but in the seventies and clear and doing all this activism like grassroots activism and drag and all of the stuff so it's very they're very open to gayness and they're open to like the arts. How did they come to own a gay bookstore they they had tried to they wanted to buy a bookstore like city lights in San Francisco. They wanted to have like this this Beatnik kind of like cafe bookstore and then so they found one that was going for sale and it was a gay bookstore and then my dad went to meet with the owners and they got along really well and he got along really well with the staff that were they're so my dad bought it and so then the guy the lead guy that sort of like manage everything has named Forbes. He's he's great. He's British and he's very proper but he is also like he was a dresser for Alec Guinness this theater in the sixties so he's very British proper but he's fully tattooed queen and sort of became my nanny and then my my he was in love with my father like they've had this like platonic love affair their entire lives because my dad has that sort of like equipment to fall in love with men and without the sexual component. I think so Forbes is always like painting. My Dad like portrait's and they're all over his house down in San Diego. Oh so it's like this thing of like their gayness. The gain is they really get. They love and that's very different for a Korean like family. Seventies seventies pretty pretty outrageous so that's like something that I always kind of been in. You know they can have steeped me and gay culture really young yeah. How do they feel about stand up comedy comedy. They really don't understand that something that they don't have that in Korea. We don't understand we don't know but it's okay but they're so happy about where I've gone in my life and career and they love the camera so they're always like all right again so they're definitely like you. You know gotten bitten by the show Biz yeah it is. I want to watch a series about the gay bookstore in the seventies three sure that'd be amazing. It'd be really cool and all of the intrigue and relationships and you know like the pining for my father. My father is very vain so he loves the male attention like he just blume's blooms under their gaze is like a hothouse flower movie and it's so I think it's really darling like it's it's very it's something that you know you. You don't think about like immigrants and where in Korea now when they have a gay pride parade people go in disguise is they. They don't take photographs because people don't want to be recognized. I have a lot of friends in Korea who are in big corporate jobs who can't be out out. They have to like sort of pretend in their jobs in pretend to their families at their straight and it's like we got this is like so horrible yeah yeah. I mean it's really we have listeners around the world then a Lotta Times the like right in about their experiences and it's just like a reminder that that you know when when we think that like Oh things here are rough like other places are even crazier and lander are very dangerous dangerous consequences for yeah for just being yourself totally crazy. It's so crazy. One of the things I wanted to talk about was so my mom mom she's like very accepting and very supportive of me being gay but I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I'm into Feminine Women and that if I had ever brought home a butch or androgynous eh girlfriend she would have been like I don't get it. You know like a little bit of like that's too yeah. It's it's sort of like two. Oh one level like kind of explaining the difference as an aesthetic in lake dynamics to my to my mom. My mom and her husband always very curious about everything but it's like now. They're just now through this. They're starting to learn what likes his gender means. One link at the beginning of like you know definitions and things like that even today for a while I feel like my mom is still at a one-to-one yeah level of move understanding and I don't know like dear mom ever me any of your her same sex partner yeah. How did she feel about how they presented themselves. I think there was one butch that would she really love me and this was actually kind of inappropriate. I mean you know I think about that relationship now and how I mean like if I okay so she was in our early fifties and I was like eighteen oh wow so and I'm like I love to. She was super hot. Yeah Butch was like she'd been she'd been used at like climate telephone poles and like installed with a hard hat all like this like things like that connected. The telephone wires together. So how did you meet her. She was you looked up one day a DJ federal. They're like really into music and like this DJ and she would like data all the clubs and she was older and so you know she was actually my I like really significant relationship that I had with a woman in that I so I had moved away and we'd broken up but she would come by and see my mom and they would just talk about me being gone and I think about that now and I think God like I if I went to some in eighteen year old girls place like talk with her mom and like I just couldn't believe I'll eat my mom was like really really open to it and she really liked her butch like it was like stone butch like a seventies stone butch. We just like you know now. Maybe maybe she would be transitioning yeah but at that point it was like the stone butch and I remember her coming to a show with her friend France her ex girlfriend FEM FEM and they were like growth was horrified because I was so young yeah they said my age in the show and the girlfriend was like Oh yeah I saw her like look at my girlfriend and like like how yeah that is that that is too much but I was crazy for this woman so it wasn't like I mean I pursued her so it wasn't as if it it's sort of we think of those relationships as being sort of predatory predatory situation but I really wasn't in that that case yeah of all the women that I know who when they were eighteen entered a relationship with significantly older woman it was always he's the younger one who pursued it but also it was always people who came from more conservative families and it made it even harder for them to come out because not only did their families have to learn that they were queer but that they were dating someone significantly older and a a lot of times the the fact that the problem with the age of the partner made gay thing like a secondary thing was like hold on like present too many any like what's going on here that you are dating somebody yeah this old. That would have been a tough one for me to to do I think but how long did they like like stay in contact. After you guys broke up I think a few months and then I mean it was sort of like this thing of sort of stayed out of it and then I was involved the L.'s and then I couldn't really go back and I haven't seen that women for years and years. I'm sure she's around. I know that she's around but I probably taking it down. The telephone wires put up towers. Yeah definitely still hanging out with Iraq says I'm sure all. She was very glamorous to me and very you know. I don't know very open and that I just thought like that's so lovely but I think about like how old I am now. I wonder how I would feel. Oh Yeah. I don't know if I could do that could feel that way or and then my mother being very accepting of it not really not really concerned you know my mother's main concerns if they don't don't really have anything to do with relationships they have more to do with like drugs and alcohol use that are like real problems so the the sort of relationships with people that the sort of not not as because all of my other circumstances have been so dire. Those are kind of like Oh this. Is this okay like a man you you know she's. She's the man who like that. The female the female like a masculinity USC unity. They're down with that yeah because they seen it so much. Yeah you know that the performance of gender his own they've always used a respected that wanted to express it in any way so that's always been sort of a a nice thing for my family. Do you think that there would have been a double standard had been a fifty year old guy that you brought home when you were hitting maybe yeah maybe that would have been seen as more predatory yeah. I don't know if if I would have been with a fifty year old guy at that was a young girl. I had that sort of thing to like. I would always get when I was a teenage girl. I got preyed upon by men so much older man so much that I was really suspicious of any overtures yeah so. I don't think that I would have ever been within a significantly older man. I've I've never been significantly older man only older women. I think this is so common for everybody. I know you've talked about this before that like the most most I've ever been hit on by men in my life was when I was thirteen fourteen yeah yapping concentrate around then when I was definitely going through an awkward phase right but that that's so scary to think about it yeah I mean I remember just seeing a Dick every everyday like out of context like walking down the street. Look at car and there's a Dick. There's something about that age of thirteen in fourteen fifteen something about it that is so it attracts so much crazy male attention. You have to kind of block out to survive survive yeah because it's so threatening yeah and it's like what is that that is so weird for me because I was in the like early early eighties so so this is like seventies eighties it was still kind of sanctioned by society so you had like cast that movie with this Kinski. She's like fifteen or sixteen and there's like little darlings. which is you know the they're like twelve or thirteen years old and trying to Armand Asante Yeah it he's on this thing like precocious? Sexuality was very in like with Brooke Shields and Ryan that kind of stuff so you had that to contend with. AL as well yeah. I know weird yeah. I kinda wish my mom could see like how well she's very obviously mostly into this podcast but I do think that she still misses a bit of my like feminine side that used to have when I was younger like she's very much into who I've become. She did show me a picture of you and make up. He always ashes armed. She's armed to the teeth with photos of me. When I was like had long hair yes I was GONNA sorority. I wore the like thing with the pearls and a photo. She always has that on demand ready to show but it's kind of like that is so not me anymore and it feels like she's sort of holding onto some of that a little bit a little bit of that like his baby girl so beautiful yeah thanks mom but I was really really fucking uncomfortable then it was actually the worst part of my life you know. I don't know it's it's really sweet and the thought is there but I can't really deal with it now. My mom would be very upset upset if cut my hair yeah yeah like a pixie cut or something like that tossed the idea out there once and she was like no no you don't you don't need to look like one of those. What do you mean one of those. Let's dig into this like Oh. You know what I mean. I'm fine with it. Put your fine with it like yes yeah. He was a big when I I remember coming out to my mom and it was on Thanksgiving Day and I was like surrounded by my three. Your best friends were there and they were just like encouraged to do it. Do It do it. This is like ten years ago and my mom just started sobbing and told me she's like you know all these all these years. I thought you were just so. Maybe you were just kind of weird but now makes sense your game and was just like it was really sweet but how how so how old were you. When you told your parents your your bisexual I think I was probably like twenty three yeah yeah and then I had to tell him again twenty seven and then I had the times just do it every year. There's like the Summer Olympics past couple of years. It was more time to the Whitney biennial like this thing of like you know just didn't understand but I still will probably have to continue to do it yeah but it now sort of my mission of it is sort of like my mission in life is to try to remain in partnership for the rest of my life says I have my first fifty years. I would like so partner next fifty. I'm thinking I'm trying to be like not partnered and so we'll see how that not that. I'm an ace a romantic or sexual then yeah that thing but I think I wanna try to see if I can just be solitary without partner forever. Oh that's cool yeah. I'm pretty good talk about three weeks. I Love was part of the decision to do that. I I did read that you were in Rehab. A couple. Yes is is is that kind of part of the process like I know people who go through that and kind of of they need yeah. No I know but yet that would be great. I think that would be great but it wasn't. It wasn't that easy. I was in Rehab for if I could just like live in Rehab. I would love it. I stayed for usually people for stay for like twenty eight days but I stayed for a year and a half. I really shine an institution uh-huh and I miss them but you can't. You can't live in that state. It's almost like just assisted living so I would just kind of speeding up. I okay that's how I feel about assisted living anytime I've been to visit person. I'm like they have activities is amazing here. It's because they have activities. They get your food. You'll have to go shopping thing they take care of it and then you go and you romp around. I mean yeah and there's like all sorts of. STD's is and living because they're all fucking. Everybody does matter yeah. That's great. I love it when people don't show up two meals there like wait a minute. They're very nervous about going talk to go around like either. They're dead or they're having sex finally missed a meal. I love. I wonder if the staff places bets like what do you think you the for sure. They do so fun yeah so I like. I like the idea of assisted living so maybe if I would go sooner sooner but but yeah I just I had a relationship after and which is now ending so now it's sort of like well. I wanted to see because they've had partners. I so long and I just there's just been a never ending chain of them. So what if I just sort of like that okay. What if I just Kinda see if I could go up this alone yeah man. I've tried that before and then every time I'm going to be single for like a least a year and then I'm like. Oh you WanNa date me okay. Let's get married yeah yeah. It's always my impetus to really like you know get the U-HAUL. I'm like a very like severe you all lesbian be any problem yeah but then that just leaves to lesbian bed death yeah no matter who you with yeah you know so. It's like you just have to like slow it down and just see what separate lives look like. I think that's my goal see what happens. Cool have you do you talk to your mom about this kind of stuff like when you're going through it as she she somebody that you open up to about your personal life or is it just more like a need to know basis and I need to know because she's scared because she's like falls else in love with anybody. I'm win. Stop being with them. She's really upset. Yes my mom too. I'm very careful about who I tell her that I'm with because she is so. It's a lovely wonderful. Loving person has love brimming from all you know yeah over at all times and she does develop like attachments attachments on instagram. Stop sending my ex Christmas cards out of my life and she's like I know they have a good relationship with her. Mom taught me mom. I'm like okay but you know it's it's hard because they just they want to think. It's mostly like they wanna get to know you in a different way like I think people like parents get to a stage where I would like to know my my child more than just my child. I WanNa know who my child is as a partner as a friend as a lover. Even you know that there's something to that like and in different stages of your life you want to know more about who you're going through this journey with yeah. That's a lot too. I think that my family is that they just want to know those those things that are unknowable venom so but then they but my mother really attached. I get kind of like I don't want you to yeah. Just don't want at this person's not going to be worth it. Yeah you have siblings. I one brother on brother. He's he's five years younger but it's like we have a totally totally different experience of childhood yes when I was born. My parents are really struggling. There was no money. My Dad got deported. When my brother was born my Dad Dad got to come back and they had a business that was really successful so and he's a boy so it's just like we're very different memories of our lives. Yeah you know Oh end so the he's great. He's like so perfect for them and they're very happy with him. He is getting married and he's like really excited and his fiancee is great his kids. It's beautiful so I'm really glad 'cause like the pressure's off me grandkids now so yeah that's cool. Aw is that ever something you wanted I did. I thought so I mean I would look at like Rosie. O'Donnell and I'd be like Oh so great. How all this shit all these kids. I think she at that time she was living in this compound where she had like five houses like this like boats slip and so that was like all of these houses in at least children like like that just like this wonderful thing. Where you're you're surrounded by all this love I mean I know that it's not the easiest yeah but those an idea of like oh that would be great to I have children. I do have a lot of younger friends and I like that energy. you know so. It just seemed like a good thing but I like the Times that I got pregnant. I was just like no. I get really scared like like living in my body. I don't know yeah. It's like really freaky. When something's alive on your body. I haven't experienced that yet but yeah I imagine yeah. We're yeah it starts kicking and you think about that scene and alien. It's over yeah yeah very bizarre super weird and it just was like I don't WanNa like I can't. I can't sublet. I'm just can't Mohammed Ali's. It's like a very like I'm like. I'm not doing this like and I'm so glad that I had the freedom to say. I'm not having this yeah. I'm not I'm not going through with this pregnancy. That's the thing of like it's so important for us to like reserve this raid yeah you know like and I had an I had an abortion in New York. That was really great. It was like I know that you should you give reviews for I think I had this. Five Star abortion in it was a it was a menstrual extraction. Okay where it was legal in New York and it was so easy because I've had like the other kinds of abortions that are really painful and take forever to recover from this when I didn't even need any drugs for they just they just do it like in the first like Whoa like it's the first trimester thing but I think it's early and they have to just like suck it out to suck it out really easily yeah no pain. Oh Oh great and it was really cheap and it's like illegal most places the menstrual extraction. I can't believe that and we send word we're literally watching those those rights slip out of our fingers tear states and it makes me wonder like at what point at what point are like ces straight man or just as men in general going to realize how diet isn't that. We're not fucking hysterical. This is real rights being taken away. The handmaid's tale is not that far from reality yeah. That's one of the things shake people especially men to to realize like we're not just sitting in a circle shrieking about something like this is real literally happening happening right in front of her face even in Georgia that they were trying to have it be a law that you couldn't go out of state to get would it. Why are you going to people at the Alabama Obama Boorda pointers yeah and that's where it starts feeling like that is handmaid's today. They're tracking women. It is like are we going to have to send in reports on when we're menstruating and read something that one of the period tracker APPs which was is like has been sending selling the the data facebook because you input like it's one of the APPS that monitors like your ovulation and you can input when you had sex labs like yeah yeah that fucking data that's crazy that is not cool. I mean it's like yeah. They're tracking us that they can. You know like blind you with this propaganda yeah and this fear mongering and they just like attack. You like to intimidate you into doing something. You don't want to do absently scenario. That data is used to like sell you things like prenatal vitamins things like that basket which still fucking it's terrible. That's the best case scenario there. Yes I read about about this morning. I was like this is fucking crazy yeah so crazy. It's so but it's like what are you. GonNa do with all these children then later you with all the people well who have kids that didn't want because you have to give up your life. It's a huge huge commitment to bring somebody else into this. It's not cool. That's not cool yeah. It is abortion something that you talked about with your mom yet. Yeah and I think that that's kind of like they get really upset. I think my mom gets really upset but she can't. She knows like it just wouldn't be right but you love kids like she loves kids so it's very it's something that like like it's it's. It's definitely something that we don't agree on yeah you know. I think that she understands like Oh yeah. People have to have the right to do what they want. Yeah and my dad is the same way that people have to have the right Komo but which we just wish that you didn't want that yeah yeah. That's the sort of attitude. I think that I don't know I can take care of kind of doesn't let it like lie but did they do want they. Do want kids. I mean they just think of like all of the you know all of the kids that could have they could have had all their friends kids who have kids. Yeah feels like they're missing out. Were you one of the first comics who talked about having immigrant parents and using using accent cents I think so yeah I think so yeah for sure for Asian Americans. Anyway Yeah for sure or definitely yeah for Asian Americans for some people. I don't know because it it became like such your your thing like talking about your mom that way that other people like I mean like I have a French father and I can't can't talk about him without doing. His ridiculous boy sounds in my head. If I say anything without that that doesn't even we have here like a cartoonish French voice. His isn't even like a regular French accent because he learned English in Germany me from British people like Arnold Schwarzenegger a little bit. It's it's very bizarre yeah yeah and then he's like always yelling even even though like stop but yeah. I wonder if just like other comedians are like apprehensive to do that because they're like Oh. That's like not no. I think it says it's a it's just part of a legacy of you know like being being of the generation where you're like the first generation born here said then you have these foreign parents that you need to sort of express yeah so. I think that there's a lot of that. People people do it in their comedy a lot of Asian American comedian suit in their comedy but I think it's it's also sort of a tradition like I guess before four us. Maybe it was people who were like Russian Jewish you know people from the old country something that or like Italians hallion the where they're you know it's sort of every sort of phase of immigration wave every generation has their comedian yeah. It's it's such a rich source of material. Totally Yeah Yeah Yeah My mom is always wishing that I talked about her. She's just like she wants to be famous at my dad to but my dad he he's like you know anything. You ever want to joke about you. Can I'm like. I don't think he means that. WanNa test is a little bit but I don't. I don't think you mean that yeah for a while. It was telling jokes about how because my dad my mom says it's because he was French but I don't think it had anything to do with being French but my dad walked around naked a lot when I was growing up and so I was constantly avoiding looking at my dad just like anytime. There's a fifty percent chance that you could write new ooh yelling Frenchman be like if he's like getting ready and like going between the bedroom or whatever he's not gonna like make a point. We know that feels like a European kind of like yeah. I used to make jokes about that a lot. I feel like my mom would be more horrified. If I was onstage talking about my dad's Pena's Cena's yeah that's a tough one for audiences to take in yeah mixed reactions. I think it does kind of drop it. I you going with us. Yeah all right now. We're going to quickly move to our listener question that we have and Margaret feel free to chime in and this person says I haven't come out to my dad yet. He's the kind of Guy I call and we talk about the weather. Next race. were running in and then hang up the phone. How'd how do you drop that little nugget between weather and running without getting written out of the will to make it even more confusing. I was married to a man for twelve years. All the while sleeping being with women wow congrats would having a will to to think about yeah now that was kind of a flex. I have a very relationship with my dad and my mom so there are divorced and remarried wonderful people but my dad and his wife very conservative. I came out to them precisely one time and we simply haven't talked about it since then and then about four years it was on a boat in New York City which is a weird place to I felt like it was a captive audience. He can't go anywhere. That's a tough one because I have very similar dynamic. We talk about like the the weather's always of the the first thing to talk about we talk about sports a little bit like very regionally specific sports teams and that's about it. Thank God my sister had a few kids that we can talk about in but that's hard I mean you're going to you're basically just going to have to like shoehorn that in somewhere like it's going to be an uncomfortable thing to bring up can send an email writer. Writings are good way because it sounds like there's a formality malady to that they operate with and that so writing a letter would actually be appropriate and probably easier for both parties yeah yeah. I think that if it's if he's the kind of dad that's uncomfortable with talking about anything. That's like a little bit emotional or you know. A lot of times like parents are afraid of reacting the wrong way or whatever so a letter gives them time to sit process would appreciate the structure of bullet bullet points that yeah that's a good idea and like a sensible font times new Roman and then add yes keep me in the will important so Margaret you have your podcast the Margaret. Show where can people follow you and find out about upcoming shows. They can find out at my website Margaret. Show Dot Com Tom and then also I'm on twitter at Margaret. Show on instead at Margaret underscored show then. I'm sort of out in everywhere so that's great awesome. thank you so much for being on biking out thank you. This has been a treat you guys can follow us on social media at taking out on all the platforms that forms you can follow me at T._G._I. Caroline I'm at this area work names for digging out this week. They got with us again.
"Inch by inch robot. GonNa make this garden. All it takes is a ring and the full end piece of fertilizer Robot role, someone bless the seeds so someone warm limb from the low to rain comes. Yes, it is time right now for in the garden with Peter Burke. Our Program. Today is brought to you by minority. Family owned true value store on Brooklyn. Street in Morrisville. By these flowers and garden shop main street in Wakefield By Broughton, big country hardware, your authorized cub cadet dealer inbred void. By clawson's flourished greenhouse and perennial farm locally grown just for you. Main Street Colchester. Locally owned Montpellier Amway East Montpellier Road. By Thomas Farm and garden on the Barry Montville your road. My sticks and stuff and swanton lumber in Middlesex St Albans. Verge Swanson and Derby. STICKSHIFT DOT COM. Mother by guys. Farmyard stores in Morrisville, Montpellier will and Saint Albans. By BNR lumber family owned lumber mill with all the lumber of Mulch and compost. You need right there on route fifteen and we'll get. And by the willies store in Greensboro celebrating one hundred twenty years of family ownership. Telephone lines are open. We love to hear your garden questions and comments about hogging. Your Garden is growing. Eight. Oh, two, two, four, four, one, seven, seven seven is our number, and here's the host of in the garden Peterberg. Joel. got a treat for us this morning. My neighbors and good friends Seren Steve. Gallagher gun new called in and we're GonNa talk about Mushrooms Shikaki mushroom specifically. And the The we started Maybe five or so years ago, and it was it was steve that really got us going. And it it occurred to me I I. Heard my wife couple of days ago. She was outside and she hollered Oh my God. We've got mushrooms. She was so excited because we had a mushroom bloom that was completely volunteer and so we've. She's got about Oh. I. Don't know maybe maybe tenor, maybe more logs that that She nurtures along and the The the process is really pretty interesting. We got Our started our start with Stephen Sarah We came over to just SORTA volunteer to Knock the logs. And it was It was Yeah, it was fun and sort of party really and. what we watched us Stephen Sarah showed us how to drill holes in in logs about Oh thirty years so inches long. I think he's set a thirty two inches long or something, but we can clarify all of this when they call in. And, then you just drill series of holes around the log, and then there's a an unoccupied at the basically looks like Sawdust really. Apparently, it's inoculated with the With the Chautauqua Spores. And then now with us a little little hammer gizmo that knocks it in and compress it into the hole that you drilled and then seal it off with wax, and at that point you stick it out in a shady spot. And the way they did it. At the time was sort of a crisscross homes lock log, cabin, effect and Then after the first year of just growing in inside the logs Then they start to bloom and what it just is so thrilling to see those beautiful Shitaki mushrooms growing up out of the. Out of the the logs and We have Steve on the line now. Not yet. Does in contact US okay? Off Though. We have rich from stark's burrow. He Rich. What's that bridge. Either on. Not sure some shows only a call in twice, but Might WanNa call in during the show talking. Last year we went to a place where. WE! We volunteered our time. Yes, inoculate. Yes, gave us a log. The upside, but I got some questions I got I. WanNa Talk About Rain Conditions Right now I think. To be thinking about that absolutely. I was. One I. I've been taking up your method of watering with a cup. Gallon bucket yeah yeah and But I've got freshly planted seeds. Of them rascals, they wanting to plan them eight inches deep and. I know I know. To water when I. Put My hand over the COP Yup. Yeah, and there's letting it trickle down and yeah, zagging across the. No either ours you're absolutely right, and and in those cases where they're so shallow. How I do use a rose. You know. A watering can that has a Rosette on it and a Rosette, as basically when you pour it out, it goes up and then it falls down so it it's not there's no pressure just regular. You know flat out. only use a couple on on the plants. Plants that are up and. You're you're absolutely right and I? Appreciate you bringing that up because that's a, it's an important part. Important part that I that I didn't detail so yeah, it's. It's a little hard to pour water on those seeds. Because it, it's more likely to to wash away and so I've done the same thing you're talking about is just put my hand over unleaded drizzle down off the hand. That's the same idea as you use when you're using a Rosette Ara. Special! Watering hoses that has a a really soft, a really soft soaker, setting and Yeah, absolutely, and and as far as calling in twice. Please be my guest. More than. More than happy Russian DICON radishes yeah. I had I. I watered them night before. And then I went out there about two. Or three inches high maybe. Oh yeah, and and. And I. Got Out the next morning and one of have been clipped right off. Like three pieces of lead or something, you know. What do we got there? More likely you gotta cut worm and and and they'll go right down the line to. You'll see that maybe tomorrow. You know what they're doing. Is You seen him They look like little You know they've got their bright orange color and they curl up. Insects at all while you won't see him. They only come out at night, but okay. Well even better take a pencil and just go around where the stem is left right, and if you keep going around in circles eventually, you'll find them, and you can pick them right up and crush them. the other thing that you can do. Of course. It's just put a small collar on it, you know. Any kind of paper or cardboard will work know it doesn't need to be anything to to special buy you just need to stick it down in about an inch or so to prevent the the worm from wrapping himself around the stem, and and eating through basically is what they do. They don't use any in the rest of it. They just take that little bitty part there that they that they eat of the stem. So you like. Like Cup without with open bottom. Yeah, that's right, Yup. and. Nine per square. Oh, yeah, perfect! Yep! Yeah, yeah, so you make sure you just you know around there. See if you can find them in if it can't find him. you know you? You can do. The collars will be more important for you. That's true. Like a big up, stem left behind, begin when he might be under the ground yet or or check check some of the new ones to to sort of dig around. You'll find that little cutler. Okay. Okay, the easier. To the talk, he talk okay, great and I think. We have Steve on the. Line Hey Steve I yeah and Sarah Are you there, too. Either welcome is so good to hear you. So I don't know if you heard my intro, but I was. I was thinking you for for introducing us to Shitaki, mushrooms, because we really enjoyed it a lot, and and deb was so excited I heard her I was inside and Oh. My God I've got mushrooms, you know. We hadn't we hadn't done anything? To them at all, you know yet and and they volunteered all on their own. Out of volunteers on earth. Good Good I don't know what brings that on, but boy. It sure was welcomed I. Mean we literally got a shopping bag full? So it was it was great, and of course you know. I cut them up into strips and stir fry them with onions and a little bit, soy, sauce and olive oil, and then and then I choose just a little. Little Bit, you know maybe Oh maybe a half a cup or a cup of tomato, sauce, spaghetti sauce, and then just kept letting them. You know fry down a little bit. And then we had some of the the egg noodles, who and we cooked up those so nice and soft, and then mixed with within what a what an absolute treat you know honestly. Yeah so What got you started into Shikaki Mushrooms? Well, we we actually took a course that was being offered. Si- a combination of the UVM extension, service and Cornell They were doing a study on the best way to growth of. Commercially. The way they recruited people is They offered this workshop. That was like I think it's cheesy thing or TWO DAYS IN A. Row and basically taught us the whole process. And they looking for people to who wanted to gear up like five, hundred and commercially and. That was enough really because we were still employed fulltime. Hobby is. Yeah. So what did you end up with for logs I? Mean I think at the at the high point when you had the most their. Head about four hundred. Three hundred, we think. We've been doing it about ten years and most years, we inoculate another fifty or a hundred law for a couple of years. We felt like we had enough and doing. I can see that and and so so One of the things that we learned from you guys was that in order to get the the logs to bloom. You shock them and the. The log is basically from what I recall. Is you put them in cold water. For what is it twenty four hours or forty? Eight hour twenty hours, right? Works, but we've mostly been forty eight hours. No okay, yeah, so there's you stick them in the water in that that basically shocks more or stimulates them into into flowering. Essentially so. The You the laws are cut before the trees leaf out. We Sugar Maple. Probably have mostly, but you can also use ochre porn beam or resume Paul whenever we come. WE CUT THEM IN A. That three lengths, thirty, thirty, three or thirty four inches long. Air Like Florida seven. Inches, diameter and so they they're cut in before the trees leaf. Oh, and then within six weeks there inoculated. We purchased to start a spun and. The way. There are other ways to do it, so we drill holes in the locks and then surface on encroachment cheese fall through Ritchie, tracks. And the lying in the woods her year. And then when we went. On we bring them up and so in the cold water usually for two days. and then you just leaning up and wait and four to seven days depending on the weather they like. They like warm weather for brooding. You have what's called a flush. As you've seen the whole lot and be covered, miss much. DEB took a couple of my wife Deb. took a couple of logs down to my son in New, York, just outside of New York City, and he has a backyard there, and I swear the he had the biggest most incredible Takis, and he barely did anything and he was. He was absolutely beside himself thrilled with. With gardening and a little shady spot behind his his postage-stamp. Backyard and Back to. The warmer weather. In a good protected spot, but the big the big mistake people make is letting him dry out much, so we have to rack in. AM package protected from. So when you say protected, you're saying liked just under the the awning. trees like that. Happened they. Can't dry out, so you can't have them under a roof. And it's no coverage could prevent in the winter and So when you zyu- recall we put the wax on where where the drills where the drill holes were after after they were inaugurated with that Sawdust. And I remember that tool that did just stuck in there, and then you set a whack it with your hand, or you know, and and that drove it in there, and then we waxed over that, but I couldn't remember. Do we wax the ends of the logs to? Know. You tack. If, you kind of have to leave the end. Open. Some moisture can get in. Oh. Okay, all right that makes good sense sure. Yeah, yeah so. This is actually what you would call greenwood that's dried out for a little bit. What was the time between the time you cut them in the time you knock him? We need sixty six weeks. Oh, okay, all right so. There live. There full of sap in the staff is sterile. There's no other. Words or anything from other kinds of mushrooms so then when you unoccupied them, it's got only Shikaki. Chapel. I suppose you've. Other other mushrooms will intimidating. I see yeah. I suppose you've seen this a few Shitaki mushrooms growing up out of spot here there around the house. Now. Strong strain. That you don't see them growing while you're much more. You think you might because I mean there's obviously a lot Kicking around here because we we do a lot along with sometimes, there's a log completely rock the the point where it's falling apart and we just throw it in the woods. All right well I use use bark, my pass on the garden and I have seen one come out of there, so I didn't know if that was if that was going to be a trend or not so just rolling back You. You're cutting these things in the in the early early spring, not not during the summer or or could. During Maple sugaring. Okay all right that that way there. Okay, good and then. So. You wouldn't really do this in the fall. It's pretty much. You GotTa do right in the spring. You definitely you also can't. Just sort of take a fallen tree and use that. And Cornell expansion as an extensive research on the best way to. Do it successfully. Bro. Over they have a website got information on it. Okay? I'll took that out. Check that out. Yeah, it's so cool. So just you know for a family. What would you say you know if you wanted enough to free some? To have some fresh during the summer. On. In. Each can be prudent twice a year. At like probably six hundred seven hundred. Six weeks okay. Average each logged produce about half a pound her fruiting. On a half, a pound of mushrooms though is kind of hard to imagine is that? Flew wrench. Like the sites and the. Yeah. Okay, so a pound of Shikaki spills a lunch. To the top to the top okay. But you guys know that pretty well, right? will do that in one year however. Found is that. Earthier, you're rooting them. You tend to get a little bit left. Third years tend to be the the vegas theft. Impressive and Erica wing a bit. MORE BRIGHT SMART So you could figure ten logs would probably give you about ten ten pounds over the course of the the fooding season something. Yeah, okay all right all right well that the you know. Ten Ten pounds being ten. Lunch size. Paper bags. Nice about it is like you get ten pounds one. Okay Great. Thank you can. You can do. When he it. Each choose so okay. L. The mushroom. So we want. To Fly. Okay, yeah and so if you have questions for Stevens Sarah or any questions about She talking mushrooms. Now is the time because you have the experts right with us here and our call with any questions you have about the garden. That's fine, too, but if you have something specifically about Shitaki mushrooms that'd be great. So. Where we left off Sarah. You were saying about you sell the mushrooms. I'm probably locally around here. I assume but. You there? What's that? Did We lose Stephen, Sarah or we just. No were there. Okay there you are. This year failing through the Maple Corner Community Story Mushrooms. Kobe situation. You're usually selling from our house. From the House so. okay. What's the best way to get in touch with you? They WANNA log. And they could Go to our website which is random gardens. DOT COM okay random ram. Garden Gard. GARDENS DOT COM okay. Or they could call, Steve I'm three, seven, one, nine, eight, zero, eight. Okay, good super. Well, that's great. That's great That was. That's one of the things that got deb go into. She got some logs. you know, but some logs from you guys and she just kept going until she. had. Twenty five at one point, yeah! It's kind of a production to unoccupied late them. And, what we usually do actually to save labor and stuff for fun is An inauguration workshop where people come near Nolensville. And how to do! Without Specialized tools we have. been doing so. Yes. Yep couple. Years in a row for sure. Yeah! Yeah Yeah. It was It was a really great workshop. I really enjoyed a lot. And it got us going on. And the cool thing about the mushrooms they freed so well. We we freeze a fair amount of them. We actually cut the stems off and we use those for soup stocks. You know with when? When when all the rest of the the carrots and celery and stuff come in will make up soup socks with with those She talked. Mushroom stems and. The NFL. Stuff from like. Cream, cheese and breading really and either based on our Yeah, usually. On they're really good that way to the other thing is if you let them. Stay on a lot of little bit longer until they flatten out own and then. You can come to the gills with olive oil and garlic. Real. Crispy oh man. That sounds good sounds delicious. Yeah. We freeze them too so we can have them all winter hold. them up and play them briefly and again. Olive oil and garlic grow girly. Coach senior garlic from the road. We do have rich from stars borough. WHO IS I? Think he did a workshop and tried them, so he has some questions about grown. Richie with us. Yes Yup I went to a workshop last year and Did a bunch Tanaka. and. All that stuff and learned about it and they. Whenever, our rewards take log home. And I learned later that a the beach sort of like Middle Road and quality of for the. Species to select for for doing it. Anyway it's a beach and monitor standing I was supposed to let sit in the shade for a whole year, and then go soak it in the following spring, which I did when soaked down kind of in a swamp and. And I only did it for twenty four hours. I went down partway through rolled over. Because part of it was up out of the water, we didn't completely sink, and then put it back in the shady spot kind of a to before going to get one log, and nothing's really happened to I. Do have those things on the end show that there's some kind of fungal growth on each under the law, but. Other than that can be to dried out any ideas. Well if you've got the There's my favorite of ideas. One is the if you've got the typical. Wait my Celia showing at the end it should probably not be dried out. It's a lot depends on the temperature outdoors so like we soak Just before we had that cold snap and those lodge did not much. And they'll be. It'll be four to seven days under the best conditions before you see any, although you should start to see like little little pimples. Seven weeks we've. talked it again or You may like I'm it let it wrath now for been through maybe four weeks ago. and then soak it again. Brooklyn for four more weeks. Yeah I've. Never heard of people using beach worship talking I. Don't know I. Yeah. Yeah, that that's A. that's a question mark when my mind to. That I, don't know if there's enough ten in the. Think. That's the thing that want in the logs, the oak and maple and the, but I don't know. I'm not sure speaking. Reading I I actually went to that. Figure did go to, Cornell SOM- I've actually been to Arnav forced where they doing the. The research on. Some of the logs and stuff I was there for dear that different things. Anyway That I think I read they give beach or rating and called it. They kind of gave a mediocre, not not non workable, but Would it be okay it only. A couple of days going to give it like a little spray with a hose or something or or just leave it alone. I won't three to know the next four weeks. I mean you shouldn't. You can test that. We have never had to water ours, although there are people but we have our on On a north. Facing sort of slow seventh protected from wind window. Is taking little hollow. Nearly, he like entering Evergreen Trees Soda or Cedar. Scott Seven. You've mainly just go see the sutton to hit it. You know my. Then He. To me if you've got fat typical weight, sort of cross typically as you're just. My feeling is usually wait at the end of the why. Do we line up with inoculation wholescale. Yeah, it sounds like it's still a. That maybe maybe like the weather is a little, too. Just to you know. Do let him lay dormant for a whole year after occupation, right? Yeah Yeah Bar sit or we do. We're not related in May. Never touch of the first time would be June of the next year. All I knock elated it too early. Like in April. Not Not inoculate salt something yeah! April. We've never. Almost never do it before mid June. Hooker. Cold They. Won't fruit well so I mean you want to screw them fruited again before a nice hot spell giving your weather like you WanNa be expecting a week at war whether. They go rich right now. I guess you got your answer didn't Cha you too anxious. To. Be in cold water. I'll well. If I did it later, the swamp would would warm up, you know. You know we use a just a little TUB You know because they're only like anything. I had a good use. The bucket on my bucket loader suppose. That would work perfect. That would be great. The other thing you can do is just make a A trough with a sheet of plastic and and fill that with water, and in that would work. Fine. We I've tried that network. Just fine. I was that was no problem. It was in a shady spot so it wasn't he? Nope, with the with the sun, but I mean there might be fine. Probably fine probably. I who does all his conned? Floating around and There, you go kiddy pool there you go that's it all right rich. You'll get that Kenny pool forty eight hours. Eight hours and you considered the kiddy pool with it, you know. Who Little Ducky you go? That's sure to stimulate the. All Right which thanks for the call. And well this this has been really fascinating. Are We okay? Okay, we're. We're okay to keep going in Oh my goodness, well any we. We've had so much fun with the should talkies and and. The was trying to think of I wrote down all these questions and I had but. So when. When you're all done with them, you put them back in the shady spot. You SORTA. Restock them in those. Lincoln, log things that's a lot of a lot of handling for. Using logs up to maybe eight inch diameter, but we've really cut back to. Probably the biggest ones we use our six inch, has it? Heavy. Yeah well. It reminds me of my brother who bought one of those woodstoves that that will burn four foot logs and I just looked at him and I said Oh. You'RE GONNA put a four foot log in there with your back. Oh my Gosh! Harder. That's right. I noticed it all as long were cut to foot, so he's putting the bull smaller in the woodstock now. So yeah, thirty, two thirty three inches, and about six inches around and To three, but we usually. We go down to four inches, probably the smallest, okay. Going dry out quicker, and they also rot away quicker. during. Two small. They use well. All right, so the reason we do thirty. Three inches usually is. The Standard. For commercial places is a forty inch slog. Our tank. Is a short for that other we. Had all these thirty two inch logs, and then when we say, WE'RE GONNA WIN One hundred logs. We get a pile. Of two hundred logs, and then we pick out the nicest ones as we inoculate, and then we have a reject I'll. The reject pile later in the spring we cut each one and a half, and then the perfect size for. Dual purpose, yes. In True Vermont. Fashion. No waste at all so just out of curiosity. What what constitutes a reject log? What? What would you know when you're? You're eyeballing the log. What what would sale? There's a reject. A crack or a defect in the by That's thought a little piece of rot on. Many branch stubs 'cause want intact burke hallway accepted the end. A nice streak clear. Maistre, would Funds to work but there. You could just see by looking at him that that's going to be a niceness from bog Gotcha, okay? But also. The same as the lumber law. Or just looks like a good straight clear would. Yeah. Yeah I wouldn't I wouldn't have thought of that. I wouldn't the nice clear, bark cut. Intact okay all right good. Let's cool so. If, somebody really wanted to go whole hog and you know. Get, all the equipment stuff like that Can they buy the stuff around here? You guys sell that are. We, get it all the tools and the wax and the inoculate. We buy from a place in Wisconsin called. Fielding, forest the the wax. You can get locally I guess, but they have the exact kind of the ship it right here. Things now Filled in for its website, it's useful for if if there are different strains of shit talkie, and you know some are warm, weather summer, cold weather and some are Go on the motion combination. And and Vermont we typically do use the cold weather streams. For us, there is simply in Worcester. then I'm GonNa have trouble remembering the name right now, but they are doing that cleanroom Estero Room and they're They're selling spun now, not just for Chautauqua, but other kinds of mushrooms too and. I. Don't know if they sound lives, but they did have like you can also remind on like. Bags. I guess what sorts of things like that and different things have waster mushrooms and a bunch of different kind Yeah. I saw the Sada's bags. They seem more like a novelty. Just sort of like a curiosity to see them grow then actually production piece, but. I would agree, but if somebody. Had happened. Power over the winter. We actually thought about doing some in the winter, but you don't watch. For Muslims in the house. You have enough mushrooms by that time I'm sure. Or enough of mushrooms. Yeah. So the I saw. Always in the back of the mother of now news catalog and they, they actually advertised spawn for morals. Morales that you could take like a garden bed four by four box filled with sawdust and inoculated. You've ever seen anybody do that. I I was kind of curious about that. About it, my understanding is that a Morell are particularly difficult to grow so I mean who wouldn't want to have them and I you know. I think that that's probably. Hard to do and have it. We doing. You have a good point there. An another sort of just a curiosity piece. So I think you know when you do your inoculation parties, you know in the spring. Is that something that the kids are are. Can they do that or is that something? Yeah? One year, we did it for a homeschool group own. With, so then the matter is that their parents did a lot more work. But. The kids had fun. Or they got around in the woods, and the parents were. They got it by us. Really it is a little dangerous for little. Fill in the holes and waxing. It's not too bad. Yeah, yeah, we have hot wax. Oh! Yeah, yeah, so you do have to. It would be something. They'd have to be closely supervised. Yay. Okay well. It seems like a lot of fun. let's great. Guys I really appreciate you calling in and Do you WanNa give that phone number again? The or the website the see. We've got a random gardens R. A. N. D. O., M. G., A. R., D. E., N. S. dot com right. Okay, so they can get in touch with you there. And then you had a phone number three seven one. Nine, eight, zero, eight nine. Away in that if somebody wants to get logs and stuff and So when? You guys, also of course do grow and sell massive amounts of of garlic and I of course watch it grow as I drive by. And then you also do a pick your own raspberries. And you still you have a crop this year then. We're GONNA probably do by appointment only this year. Yup people smaller operation. Associate! Yet climb for me to ask. You A non-related gardening question. Go right ahead. We planted some help for the first time this year, in the red cabbage and also by choice. that is like The the plant will the outer will. Will Call plant and a whole bunch of little weight worms. Cabbage Cabbage Maggot Yeah Yeah. I've had I've had that, too. Yeah now we're these shot before until this year. You know it's destiny. You will have it sooner or later the just now we're. These were these sets. You bought our stuff that you grew. A lot of times they come in. They come in on on on the sets that you that you grew and and it's just the only thing that I do. You have some of them that are still alive or did to kill all of them. Yeah, we pulled the went over wilfing soon as we discovered that there were baggage here. I have found that you take some wishes and if they haven't killed him yet and just stirred in around them. That kills the maggots that they they don't like that at all and that does. That does Does kill him sets them back so that they grow, and you can get a decent crop from it. the other thing is if if once you have them, you know. Obviously you've gotTa make sure you rotate your crops every three years and the other cool thing. Is that actually miracles? Exude something from their roots that that also kill those maggots in soil so. You could plant a a bunch of miracles. Inner plant them with the other things that you're planting, and then you can actually You'd WanNa cut the flower heads off before they seed, because then become a weed in your garden, but you can take in and use the marigold plant. Sort of as a winter mulch, and and and the stuff that's this down in the roots is also in the plant to so you could mulch with the with marigold plants, and that sets those. The Cabbage Maggot off. Habits negative winner over in the soil. Yes, so it's the same thing you wanna you WANNA. Make sure you you rake. Rake it good and so that disturbs the against the larvae. and. so they'll come out and fly around and you know. And and Plant their eggs, you know. Lay their eggs in around your garden and stuff. generally speaking, though if if you've had a problem with it when you put the sets in the ground, you put that little bit of of The Wood ashes that that really takes care of it. I've had a couple years at. Where's where's Real Bab and those were all since the had gotten you know from from. F-. From different places around and and I had a problem with it, but that took care of it, and and it's. It's pretty easy control. Great Excellent. That's what we're here for. Hey guys. Thanks again I. Really appreciate everything any other questions. I think we're good. Take Care! One of the sponsors there mentioned Oh. Yes, get your cartons fountain. You know whether it'd be a lot of fun having a out there in the garden. Ordered an I just teaches you shop local and not. Go online like I did what I found a very inexpensive. Byrd Bath I. put it out on the back deck with a with a solar panel, a circulates the water. Well it all works, fine and everything I didn't notice I didn't go to notice that. It's only about six inches tall room for one chickadee. That's great. APOSTROPHES. Inches, one apostrophe feet and I guess I'd probably have three apostrophes. And a question mark. Nobody's GONNA drown. That yeah, yeah, well and happened to my wife to. She ordered a pool online and Didn't notice that. It's actually shipping from China. Oh, oh. That's supposed to ship from China. took an awful long time so anyway. Support our local businesses now more than ever. have it on hand, and you could be using that evening. And more importantly, you'll know what you're getting exactly. Yeah all my poll. Give Me Beijing. Right. You're in trouble now, buddy. That's the one of the I've often wondered. The pendulum swings right when people will finally say you know this shopping online is okay for maybe a few things, but. Maybe not for everything. So Anyway we're we're. We get a few minutes leg about ten minutes or so. So if anybody has a question about mushrooms or any other question, a call in two, four, four, one, seven, seven, seven made me hungry to try shit talkie mushrooms. Yeah, what are the reasons why I've shied away from it? Is that not this station? But when I was first starting in Middlebury yeah, I came close to losing the station's license with my mispronunciation of Shitaki should I. Did leave it at that. I said it several times because it was part of a menu part of the. Special Dinner, Menu. US just a bad they've got. Especially appealing. You must have been wondering like who'd want. Eat that, but. I was lost that account. I did one other thing I'll make a very short story of a guy calls it in the morning, and they would sit sit McCarthy decent. He was the manager of Middlebury at, and he would read the over the night before he would read. What the special dinner the night would be. Usually wonderful roast beef for this out of the other thing, but he starts off at the beginning. He starts out by saying okay. A super juice and then just vegetables that that entree everything advocate wrote it down, but he wrote it as Super Juice S.. U. P. At all day. We're promoting hey. Head to the Middle Berea. They've got super juice today. It turned out to be soup. Or juice super. Said McCartney, who was? A very much like Bob Newhart he. Looked a lot more sour that he was what he definitely wasn't happy when all the fraternity guy showed up and say hey. We want some minutes. Super Joe's we're ready to party. At any rate, I'm taking from your time so. That's that's fine. Oh Lordy, well we have. We have Let's see I'm trying to think of. Oh, we talked about potatoes last week. And filling up the potatoes. And, of course, it's this time of year when you start to. Go Out and inspect all the leaves and the different of plants that you have and certainly your potatoes, you want to turn the leaves over and see if you see any of the the orange eggs of the Colorado potato beetle. and. and you may see other. Egg Pods in around there, of course, the the first line of defense. Use Your thumb. to squash the the the little larvae there. The Second Line of Defense in UT pretty much As soon as you see those you, you might get lucky and squeeze them all and get rid of them. Chances Are you're going to have a a a bunch of Colorado Potato Beetles munching on your potato, so? It's just about time. To to spray them for for the Colorado Potato Bill that would be you know a Captain Jack The Spinach, add. the Neem oil also works on that. You could use the bt, but I'm not so sure if it's is as effective as the spending set, so that would be my first choice. The second thing is I. Have I seen the first of the little cabbage? Cabbie torn moths floating around the the garden. Over the last few days, so I'll be spring. I'll be sprang all of my my. Cabinet plant. Family the Broccoli's cabbages. Kale Kohlrabi. Brussels sprouts all those things. What's the other one? Oh, cauliflower, don't forget Elon. So. Excuse me where. We'll be spraying. Actually I I've got to stop one of our sponsors here and pick up a sprayer. My My old spares finally finally done in. It's I, don't know how many years old, but after a while a little pump starts to go. And I guess you can take him apart and replace the parts, but I've never had real good luck with that, so I'm going to stop by and grab one of those and. Get some of the Spin Assad Dumai a Again for the ASPARAGUS beetle. All of the Broccoli's Oh and that was the other thing I had my my. Swiss. Chard has the leaf miner in. You can tell the leaf miner because they they basically just eat all of the green out of leaf, and leave the skeleton of the leaf there. And you can see these sort of brown patches of where they've eaten eaten a bunch of the the leaf out and and that's. That's the leaf miner. you know it's not It's not fatal or anything like that. It just ruined a few leaves. Just pick them and. Let them dry out in the sun. So it kills the the Beatles but. the thing is is probably spray those with the with the Captain Jacksonville. You say we have a call all right randy. Welcome from Waterbury. Waltham welcome. Okay, good my handwriting! And non. We'll randy from. what's going on well? I just retired this year and we relations three four by ten raised Bat Yep. which transitioned from in ground? Sort of in their twenty inches high with a Google op. So when we got all, we can sit. I'd like it I like it. But that's I not so much this year, but the last three years or solve. Everywhere we've been invaded by snails. They are just prolific. You walk down the street you can. You know the the. Well they'll tend to go and cycles just like every other thing. Year only really concern is for your garden right so. Know. There there's a very good product called snuggle and It's organically You're right. You're absolutely right I'm Bazooka bubblegum right. So slow go is is just iron phosphate. In its in little pellets sawdust pellets. and You you. sprinkle those around the the plants that you WANNA protecting your garden. But you can also put them around the base your house if you if if you're finding their climbing the walls and it's pretty unsightly that kind of thing. And that you know the that works really well, and this is both slugs and snails I assume you're talking about the heart. Of the hard shells. Yeah, they're. They're fascinated looking the hard shells. Really quick. Like the French. They've probably just said forget it. We'll just go ahead to eat them. No. No thank you. But are they going to leave anything that? That we can you know? If you? ARE THEY GONNA? Leave anything that you would catch. Outside in the call. We know more. No, they really a one of the the. They're not a nexus for disease. They're not. They're not going to spread any kind of disease for you basically though they can be voracious and matter of fact. Lucy I think it was rich, called and talked about His his plants, being knocked over radish plants, get knocked over, and that was a cut worm, but When I first heard that I thought it might have been slugs, because slugs will come up and they'll eat a whole plant down. but if the top is left in, that's a cut worm, so they were spotting or spirits. Oh yeah absolutely. But now that it's dry. The lawn or worry about the snail. Of course you know you're watering in your garden, so they'll be. They'll headed over there real soon so. These new. Something tells me they'll find a way where there's a will so. Yeah. This is so easy to put on. Know you. You actually probably put on more than you need. Because it's a, it's a teaspoon per. Three foot by three three three square feet. Do they ingested or does? Yeah they ingest it and and it kills him and. So they get second day. It'd be a lot of courage Yeah, probably you probably won't feel bit bad. We're enjoying your show. WHO GOOD! Guys. Thanks, thank you thanks Randy. Call anytime. appreciated. I was just wondering about snails versus slugs this morning, because I was writing about the slow and how? That's a great way to to solve that problem. I found my first slug. you know eating away on one of my cabbage smaller cabbage plants. Just you know the thing was so big. It was almost the size of the whole leaf. Just, you know sucking the life out of that poor little thing now you by slug over slugs and snail. Oh, I name. Matt mazing one can be a delicacy and the other one can ruin your garden. Well in my mind, neither one is a delicacy. But I guess yeah. I guess you have to get used to. They talk about Oh. Never mind. I don't want to talk about any low six. You remember how I mentioned earlier I. We're just about at the end, but I I actually got a report from the. From the extension system here in in Burlington and converted it into a newscast. News item, but this is a record year for chipmunks. I had mentioned early on. So many chipmunks, yeah, and they pointed out. It's the obvious availability of food and the overwintering, and just know the perfect storm for climate and availability of food, and if there's an availability of food for months, as I'm sure, most species, they tend to increase in numbers, however, chipmunks have a really increasing numbers, and they did so I could see a hundred of them. them out in my backyard. Just imagine what they're going to be doing over time in that garden and you can hear them. They they chatter at you. You know they sort of scold you. It was like Hey, get out of my garden. You know the ones that come up on my deck when I throw for the ground feeders on my on my deck. For the doves and other birds performed the ground I can actually pet them. I can just really and pet them while they're really cheeks. Fuel of the things I might but anyway the the one of my when the guys at work has well. I had a Fox and then the scene yet four Fox's. So I think. Those kind of balance out and when you get more chipmunks get more of those kinds of predators. And so always circling overhead. Things on their mind, I probably would want to witness. Such as nature. That's right. There you go. Well. No particular final words other than thanks for calling in thanks for for letting our sponsors know that you appreciate them sponsoring us and hearing this. Guy On the radio. And well Let's see I started out in the very first show talking about the Garden Grocery store. And we didn't get too far with that. Although I mentioned that now twenty four beds If you planted them, properly and and You could get you know about nine hundred pounds of vegetables from twenty four, and that would be enough for two people and next week. I'm just GONNA. Touch on grocery store for fruits, and what we take to to grow all the fruits for two people And so a few You're thinking about doing that listening. If you have questions on it be sure to to give me a call right down now. I I almost forgot this, but There is an email. Now got. Yes and it's P burke at Radio Vermont Dot Com it's just real simple and that goes right to To the thereto an email that I can open up so if you have questions over over the course of the over course of the week, and you can't listen in or call in, or you're shy. Call in or any of those things You are absolutely welcome to send me the question on the email and that's P burke. That's the letter P. B. U. R. K.. E. AT RADIO VERMONT DOT com. And that will that will get to me and will read them, and all all answer them on on the radio show and UH, depending I'll probably answer them by emails. Well I. posted on the Radio Vermont wd, EV website a couple of designs for Trellis, and almost for to mention this, but I've talked about a few designs and a few people Email me on my regular. email and asking if I had pick church and stuff but I had a when I do my scruffy garden classes have a sketch of all three different varieties and So anyway. I posted that. The the wd website, so you are now website facebook page. And then the last thing is just a reminder. Is that These shows are podcast and it's real easy. Just go to the wd website, and you'll see right there there. So those a little menu called podcasts you click on that and Dave. Grams there and in the garden is next to it, so it's real easy. The very you know this. Those last show will be podcast it and be right there, and then you can go back in the. The archives and look up some of the other ones. If you're so inclined and I absolutely was listening to a couple of this morning. You know it's really easy to do so if you can't if can't make a Saturday Make it some other time when it's you know when it's good for you. Get the podcast, and then if you have questions on those things, you can just email, so we're all you know. We're all linked in here. Well it sounds good. Yeah, and we'll see you next week right Joe. Take Care in the garden. INCH BY INCH ROW BY ROLE GONNA make this garden. All it. Is a ring and the whole piece of fertile. Row By. Someone, bliss, less the seeds. Someone warm them from low rain. In the garden, today has been brought to you by Minard. Family owned true value store on. Brooklyn Street in Morrisville. By these flowers in garden shop main street in Wakefield rotten big country hardware who are authorized cub cadet dealer in Brit Board. By Kloten, Loris Greenhouse and perennial farm mainstream colchester check out their mega Monday coupon Kloten Dot Com. Your locally owned month period you're. On, Ismailia road. By Thomas, farm and garden on the Barry Failure Road. By sticks and stuff and swanton lumber in Middlesex Saint Albans Gina's Birch, wanting and derby sticks and stuff dot com. Guys Farmyard were they have stores. In Morrisville Montiel Williston and Saint Alban mother by being our lumber family owned lumber mill with all the lumber mulch and compost. You need had route fifteen in. The willies store in Greensboro celebrating one hundred twenty years of family ownership. Do Join US again next Saturday at twelve thirty four in the garden with Peterberg. Magnus. And the. Third Round! Oh. These. Someone warned limb from.
EP 53 - "Old Ties, New Bonds"
"Hey everybody and welcome back to rift walkers thanks for sticking with us and listening to the show you haven't already be sure to check out our website flash fantasy podcasts dot com. We got we got stories. We've got everything your heart could possibly desire up there not to mention our other. Show the skeleton crew. Make sure to give that a listen if you haven't already well without further ado years. Riff walkers having made their way safely back to don and being dismissed by morton who gave them leave to pass safely through threshold onto their goal in the ken lands. The party is reunited with reese but not as they knew him instead as someone altogether different Seemingly fellow man who goes by roland year as the group hacks up their things and makes their way through the city orlando leads. The way our rights of passage signed by magister morton every gate that stands in their path until they come to the final one on the western walls of threshold beyond only play and battle scarred. Lands live before the an arduous journey ahead. I'm assuming that we've all made are necessary preparations before going through. So we're going to make his way towards the gate to show the rid of passage and the opening the guards standing. Watch their which is actually a magister. The twelfth rose takes a quick. Look at the papers smirks and goes very well and leads your group alongside the wall to a smaller posture engage that you can travel through without compromising the safety of the city. It's like sunset correct. Yes it is. Sunset was the end of the day. And as you pass beyond this gate now in the fields west of thresholds near the wall and a little beyond it's mostly flat grassland a bit of trees in the distance and forests that lie just beneath the hills and mountains to the south that you can see from where you are and then further westward all you see are blackened skies and blackened fields whatever roads there were seemed to be gone ahead of you is a battlefield or what remains of one. Now i am not a big who would impact likes asleep next article what i would be like if i could. I would not so while we have scarcely that behind the security one might say i do think it could be drawn benefits who trick bound drunk doubt moore and maybe the rest just attack before beginning august i would anyone be opposed to maybe nearest all setting camp. I don't trust those out. Who got him his things by. I think we could all use a break you little. She would like to find a suitable location. Rescue her out. Never would i take on. Mike south excited time this report in fact have a look are out here. Chain looks up election had done a little alcove him. Let's come from one end and heavy tonight. Knowing passage did city. I i may have picked up a couple of things on the way ron kind enough to let me a few pieces. Yes yeah that's the long hard adventure. Nothing down hockey hall mayor so as lay roads scouts ahead and finds a suitable spots a little ways away from the wall tucked behind a small grassy knoll covered on few rocks and such. You're still a ways away from the battlefield. I should make that clear like your. It'll take you a few hours to even reach the edges of these blackened plains. Let's find myself a nice Nice flat rock take some water kind of washes it off and you see impulsive ingredients out of his bag. Start chopping up however the more observant of the group might notice that he has chosen some pretty unconventional ingredients. There might be a little bit of difference between traditional human cuisine. And what else can think is good. So it'll be curious supper. Seren and kelly s who help make the fire. They have a nice conversation and introduce themselves to each other vowel. We'll take ten minutes to cast fabricate and make just like a big old dirt hut for everyone to be in and then we'll just go inside immediately as everybody's china's shuttling and make sure everything's set up for the evening from sits down on the little mud chair valez furnished displaced and he says so relentlessly belus what happened and is there a hint of animosities of animosity as mark on face as he says the orlando gear noticing. That there is a bit of contention still obviously between himself in a front which relented already knew that there would be sits around the fire with his companions and begins to explain his experience. Now what i'm sure is just say lack of understanding on your part of front everyone's for that part roulin dear start is a name that comes from what my true name was in the old world. It is not something that i shared really with anyone except for leery in. It's not something that as somare would willingly give out especially one from my background. But what i should tell you is that i was caught up with cinder. I did not know whether i was going to be banished or killed and quite honestly. I still think that there's a possibility if things should not go our way. I was told that everything that has happened. and he looks at leeann. And mick particularly everything even down to the riffs opening in the old world has all been the construction of one of the beans of this realm. Who has been plotting our demise and not just ours but that of perhaps this entire room for quite some time. My mission is simple task. Clear i've been tasked with stopping this and there are few things that i know that will do that. One of them. I know for sure. And that is finding mock. He is somewhere out here and the purposes which he has been tasked with or shows himself will only aid in this beings. Plan one other thing. That i would mention i mentioned before the reset died. And that is the truth the being that you see before you is infused with the essence of this world. it's body is created from the ground the materials as the same as the rest of yours and he says pointing to a from val and the rest of those of this new world. I have been chosen as syndrome. God born and he has given me this task. I mentioned the lock is the path that we must follow now on that is true but there is one other person we need to find. A young girl named lenora her. I have less guidance on web to find. But i do know it is something else we need to do. I might be able to help that. And seren speaks up. And says i i as well and fox on new her. A reminder kind of raises an eyebrow at seren. You knew her. it was some time ago. Yes i don't want to do rail whatever we have going on. Perhaps i'll speak to another time by all means the night is still young. Feel free to share what you know. Kelly s actually speaks. I have a question and that is simple. What do you mean your cinders god. Born what's What's a god. And he kinda gets the smile on his face made. It says to be honest with you. I can't say i'm the best one to ask on that. Just being something doesn't necessarily know you know the of everything and its existence. They are chosen assigned from one of the theories to fulfill one of their tasks. I view it as nothing more than a servant and sarah and even looks a little confused at this point. And he's like yes that's true but cinder they've never been god born of cinder and he looks at a fron and he says you've traveled. Well have even among the sanguine. You've never seen a god born. Have you not of their kind. I have never met got one and now this is for the history. Books was similar so kind as to mention who have what this being was that something destruction of their own. I wish guidance had been so clear. But i do know that we need to find a mock. And that's our one short path aside from finding the novel which. I don't know if we'll meet that goal along are passive amok but surely we can check one thing after another but one thing i need to say i and this is specifically addressed to those of this world. I know the rift wardens and those who've come with them have caused nothing but trouble since our arrival they've thrown disorder and chaos but that is merely the workings of the speed bad. I was assured of and now as being of this world my only and sole intention to stop that sound girl right now. Who like something. Teat explicitly over this says a true favorite husband six months so it's not quite saint. Mary's that might have been. But i would say many times and i get my staff run. I don't cook often. But i picked it up as you have kept it cents and he hands you a plate of. It's something it's some sort of chunk in a sauce and you can't really tell he's minced down the ingredients kinda small some sort of shrimp and is like an iceberg salad. It's not like a stoop. It has so that had like chicken tikka masala or something. yeah okay yes so it's like thicker chunks. It of something you don't necessarily recognize and there is some flat bread on the side. So we made curry or you make judgment fantasy curry and you see him. He's shoveling this up into his mouth. He's obviously enjoying himself. Because every few seconds ago actually as leeriness taking a bite of this this foreign dash this as you take it up. Bite you taste something. That is like weirdly sour and bitter. It's a weird taste necessarily a bad taste. But it's a pretty weird taste. Do with that what you will. So with this quest that you've been given your in line to become a reality or veil. No no not so my being might now be of this world but i do not belong to the path becoming a reality vail. Or what else have you. I am simply servant of singapore. Much as i wor-. I was a pallet in the by patron and the liberal to this quite lovely abuts Going along with that relentea. Is it yes yes yes. I'll you mentioned that cinderella's said that the mark is essential for quest in defeating whatever no fires plan is said again sandra's realm that seems to be in line with the wanderer correct As memory would tell it would be indeed. Did you learn anything of him. Or anything of this this gran- scheme that would part of only that almost everything we've come in contact with as we've seen prior with these strands back council gears party has been perhaps more so than even we understand. It's all part of this being plan. I i do not know if we are playing into a part of this being planned. But i do know that if we do our part to find the lock we will be one step closer to defeating it. Did you get any insight. Moreso to the exact location amok. I did not. I just do. We need to push further into the kim lands county s speaks up between mouthfuls of this stuff and she says well since that was my charge and of helping you out here. I feel like that's what we do. Simply go into the qin lands photos. We can see what we can find. Oh and speaking of that had spoken with the on their way through the gates of threshold and kind of gotten a general vibe what everyone had been tasked with from vail and now he's back about these tasks from vail i would not view them so much as curses. I do believe that we might find more help than we realize. And aligning ourselves with him at this saron is as. He's picking through his food looking for something that's edible to him is just like shaking his head and he's like i don't know about that. Nope veil ally. Those aren't words that go in the same sentence. Ever specially noah when wearing the employees. The wanderer i wouldn't go on his bad side and i don't think he unveil really see. I hate to disagree with you reese. I didn't say veil gets along with anyone particularly well. Did i relaxed gear. Were you told of anything to do with this book that i'm supposed to get then. He just shakes his head and stuffs a few more bites of levels soup stew sour thing and his mouth. Unfortunately cannot help you. I figured it was long shot. But i did notice the mark from your hand gone. Thanks to the blade that we retrieve from the realms thou is going to stand up and Set his empty plate of food down and just go. Outside of this huts surround the back and sit down and summon the archbishop just to have her and i often forget that i have a familiar. And i'm going to cast sending. I can speak twenty five words to anyone anywhere. Holy sh- is she says he's a spy finally comes out starting some good. I've got the tax for it. Well val is doing that. Relented was going to get up. He was kind of finish up in there and then he was going to try to sneak out to go talk without but he probably have already done a few things before he made it out. I'd say val in the back you're sending. What do you send. I'm going to attempts to contact the girl from the orb whom i saw I have all this is exactly twenty. Five words i wrote it out. Okay this is. This is what those hullo. My name is illness. I saw you. You saw me at not issue I think you are meant to teach me. Vowel does in fact receive a response. Is the message received in any particular voi- like as you here or is it just sort of in your mind received this response. I think i think it's telepathic. I don't know if it sounds like their voice or not. Well i'm just gonna go and say it's cannon you hear her voice okay and you only hear three words and it is. You are mistaken. Ouch ooh that's not acceptable. I gotta mark dot spells. Lot of okay. I'm going to save one i happen. She has made a mistake talking to an elvira so many spells less. They could do this all night. I will send back immediately. And say i am not you receive a forward response. And it's a question and it's did you know cad Okay i don't have this one right now so i'm going to count on my fingers. I did not. i am sorry. They'll showed you to meet and you receive in response. I will find you. Ooh okay so now. I wanna message a cat asandra. Finally hello to sandra czyz wellness. I am alive seems overwhelming. But i have found good friends. Are you well. I will hear your reply and you will instantly receive my darling valentine. Your words are sweet. Honey to my soul i am. Well take care of yourself and do no less than i would. Okay belts very happy with that. He feels all warm and fuzzy. Inside was reese trumping around the corner at this point. I mean what was real lander. Excuse you yes. So we're lender turns around the corner after val receives. This message is val just sitting there and he comes and sits on. I don't know if those bench seat or something. He sits next to him and he just stares out across the field with the burning. Smoke rising up from the horizon vow. I must ask you something. Yeah something of a gift that i was given from. Sin door is the ability of intent. I do not know what that means nor how to use it. Will you teach me kind of like smiles in a sort of a self deprecating manner and says i am still learning What true intent is myself. But i think perhaps we could lend together. Yes well if you're powers that displayed back in the realm of vail where any indication of your potential. I think. I think you'll make a great teacher. But yes we will learn together and with that berlin nods and stands and walks back inside the hut inside the huts. Kelaniya says finished her meal and hands it to roads and through a grim says to listen and scoots a little closer to mic and says mic. Do you have a moment. I wouldn't mind a short conversation with you. Yes i have a memento. What's on your mind. May we step outside sure. Why not as the two of you step out. Passing orlando as he steps back in. She just looks at you and says i wanted to apologize. First and foremost. I observed over the few days that we had been together in veils. Realm that you and one of my crew members had formed something of friendship medic. The name was medic- yes. I always intended to leave them behind. I don't know if that makes me a monster at for sure makes me selfish and i wanted to simply ask for your forgiveness whether it's you i should even be asking i. It would be nice to hear it from someone matters. I can imagine what going through right now. Although i do have to admit that that probably was As you put it a selfish decision at the same time. I do pit to you night. I petite the decision. You had to make considering only one could come. Yes yes. I i do forgive you but i don't know just one could come but in the short time i've known you i've seen that you are not as open with the others perhaps and perhaps trust come seldom and medic may have been the exception to that and i rob you of that and i yes. I've said all. I have to and she starts to just take a stroll away from the little hut make kind sees out there in canada. Thinks about what kelaniya says and ponders on kind of the reality of that but then shakes his head and walks back into the hud and underscore say at this point. Everybody here's a franz voice. Say we should all get some sleep. We have a long journey tomato. Seren is starting to lay out his bed roll and his pack in order and set himself down for the night. Kelaniya is still off wandering about the knoll and has val made his way back inside the hut he probably would spend a little bit of time outside by himself because alone time is not a thing val has had in quite some time and his of the he's used to so we'll take it will take a little bit but he'll go inside after that so yeah a little while after if franz call to to rest sarah looks over at leary. And who's come up beside him. And says yes. Larry and kinda do something for you. I want you to tell me about that. Girl menara luna she. She prefers luna first and foremost sorry. I'm a little distracted. Yes i knew her up until not too long ago in fact was but short year. I'd be honest. Ever since coming into the employee of the wanderer. I've had many experiences and his power is truly great. What time and place. I'm in isn't always apparent to me. And so when all this transpired to what hauser maybe hasn't yet transpired can't say for certain but luna yes i. I used to live in bastion. It's a city much much to the north sort of as threshold is to ken lands. Bastion is on the northern side of the same thing one of the last cities of humankind before entering into hostile territory. I was a soldier before this and to be honest not a very good one. I actually had the pleasure of meeting the last god born god one of sarah of course not of singapore. But i know that you're not familiar with those things. And i won't get too into it. But any who witnessed his death and he. He gave me a a charge to find his next of kin. The next god. Born which as time went on i believe to be this girl luna. I met her only tangentially those. She was romantically involved with my younger sister. And one thing led to another and my sister ended up dying and luna ended up on the run magister always after her seren kinda shakes his head runs a hand nervously through his hands like morton was there and i was there and nothing ended well and i can see him. He's kind of sweating a bit. He looks incredibly uncomfortable. And he's like it's difficult to talk about right now feels raw. But hearing from reese that she's alive meant mental lot. I only wish that my sister could hurt it too. But i'm sorry leary. And i'm i'm very tired. Perhaps we could continue the sun the road tomorrow. I will let you get your rest. But i'm afraid i probably won't be joining you tomorrow. But what do you mean. I must make my way to mainstay. Well then you've made a grave mistake already friend give left threshold. If you think you can go back that way you are very wrong. Those wells go from mountain to mountain. There's no entering the human side of the valley right. That might be a bit difficult. I was unaware of that situation. I think i must find a way at least soon. Bell's very explicit about something happening to me. If i was to delay in any way. Perhaps larry and we could continue this conversation tomorrow on the road for although i was tasked by the wanderer to keep watch of this group and to make sure they accomplish their goals. I think they are in the right minds in the right direction. At least if you truly did wish to return. I could take you back through threshold than wouldn't mind me. And perhaps could even loan us this writ that he'd been given besides if luna's alive is re says than i reckon she's still on the human side of the fell. That was my thoughts exactly but who she is what she is. You can never be sure. Anyway that's my offer to you if you take want to sleep on. It though sounds like plan. I feel it's best to discuss. These matters before putting things in motion by ourselves cry. Then we'll speak with the others. Maybe breakfast you hear a loud voice ring out to those who are inside and outside. He hut here and just roger. Sorry saud's get an hand. You don which means you to all right. Well orlando goes to bed. Seren nods off and eventually kelly s comes back to the huts and settles down outside. You hear some thunderous. From let's little part of the they're leering actually had gone outside as well as like sleeping. Yes she's asleep okay. And he's just taking watch essentially. Has everyone gone to sleep. Franz ben asleep yes bow will have been asleep for little for the crack. Dawn you guys. Here's some banging and it's just let's there. He's got a sword in one hand breastplate on the other hand. He's a slam the two together. Now you started. I've already made breakfast. You see that breakfast is actually just what dinner was. But he's cooked it even more so the sauces so thick but it's like so now he just just wrapped the flat bread around it since the soft it is now just like a rap. You can eat on the go. He starts walking towards people to hand out as county. Ace comes into the hut and they wrote offers her this this rap she just smacks him in the hand and knocked to the ground and through like rubbing her eyes and gritting her teeth. She's just like we're not in the god damn army and she goes and grab some of her own rations from her own pack borrow time. Let's go. let's go bang bang. Bang bang bang lender awakes. Quite abruptly to this rattling and packs up his bedroll and other equipment and departs taking in the morning air before setting off. I think perhaps it would be wise to Discuss exactly what it is. We are getting ourselves into i agree. I think it's best to discuss plans before we move forward said something the mock that should i know him. I going to find him. I assume that i've asked exceptional idea who he is. Real lender poked his head back inside kind of check on people and he her liberal questioning after the amok. Yes the mock was one of the few who came through with our group of rift. Wardens is a large fellow lens in quite well with the qin actually orlando kind of like a win solace on his face. It's always been after the search more power. I thought originally would that he would be valuable asset channeling that into the rift one purpose but i fear something inside of him has been searching and seeking after infinitely more especially after what veil told us. We find the that you can probably kin. Es quite squad a bit larger than most can actually large and his ears are not quite the same. They're not fort i. Unfortunately i do not snowy are we might need to young do threshold. I've never seen the light wrong of engine to be honest. Now that i have a a decent idea of every i passed his direction on my way in I have had an idea. I am not entirely sure how it will go over but Okay so obviously. You cannot pass through these. Finding vermont is one thing. let's start with it. I don't know where we're going to do with regard to this person but in order to find him that's all we need to be able to move and Perhaps moves through cities. And you cannot do that looking survey that you currently do. i've been thinking about it and Have this is going to sound very strange. I thinks it's perhaps we could impersonate my family. Kelaniya says sorta just leaning up against the wall arms crossed over her chest and goes well in all honesty. I should be fine. I don't think i need a disguise to move through these lands. No no i think. I think that you should stay as you. All same with you The rotor but the rest of you will need disguises. Which obviously i can provide. But i'm not sure exactly who should play. Who if that makes sense surin speaks up at this point says well maybe something that might simplify things as leery in an ice spoke last night about his quest for vail and though he the curse has been removed there is a lingering fear of course of reprecussions and i to have this fear especially anything concerning veil. The wanderer would disapprove immensely. If he and i were to return to threshold and make our way on this quest separate from the rest of you would that make things easier on you relax. You're cutting in says. Well now hold on a minute now addressing. Why are you leaving. The curse has been lifted. You have no fear of repercussions vale has too many other mortals to mess with into to bother with you. If you've broken that seal there's truth to that. But i feel like our dealings are are not over with him. What's to prevent him in the future from a striking me down. Well i certainly hope i- dealings with him are not over and he turns to sarah and says besides if you are aiding leary in his quest for vail. Wouldn't that be going against your fears of the wanderer hewitt. Accompany me that we might find luna the girl that he mentioned and that does kind of set a little bit back. And he's he's pondering his words. Yes yes well. If it makes any difference. I prefer that you not go. I think we need all the fourth and manpower that we can. And i'd rather not have you leaving here and you notice. He wasn't necessarily looking at you when he said that. And saron looks at leary and and just puts a you know hardy hand on his shoulder and goes look out. Whatever your decision. i'll stick with you. You said that it might not be bad to aid veil and his requests. Why is it different. Mind than for the others. I think that we should absolutely do it. I'm merely think that this course we are after mock should take precedence. I yes. I i understand if you had not come back. If you're not here it'd be very much tempted to do it to go find a mock but the only reason that i'm considering this is because you are here. I have trust in you that you can do. The right thing. Orlando is visibly not shaking. But his gears are turning he He hadn't expected leary and to just get up and leave so suddenly seren looks between the two of you and he goes. If there's a way to get vale out of the picture and this is it. I'm all for it. Can val cast sending really fast. Sure k- i would like to sending to the girls before since i have realized that i don't exactly know what her name is and i will say is your name luna and you receive. I prefer luna off. I think i don't know if this is any sort of Deciding factor for you. But i think she will come to us still even if we're if wherein ken lands. That's that's going to be a hard feet. If a couple of are in a position to be better found buyer we can cost two birds with one stone. I don't see the problem with this. Larry i will look to seren and say. Is there anything that you would like to say to her. And i don't mean like a offensive metaphor away like if i only adds a chance like literally right now. No no anything. I have to say. She deserves to hear person. Well before i make my decision what do you all think. Would you prefer to have me here. You know my choice. I would not have a split made enough sacrifices thus far. I don't want anything to happen to one of us purely because we are not equipped to handle something that comes our way but you make your own choice. I trust you and what you decide. I will support seren. Says you know my mind and i believe we should go cal. Ice from the corner says look if anyone's got experience with vail it's me and the day i'm agreeing with him. Maybe you should stay. I don't know i don. I don't know i don't know. And she just throw their hands up and she resigns herself again to the darkness leering. Ebbets of any use you in my opinion. I think that you should stay with us again. You don't have markelle new anymore as we indicated and i think that this can wait but vermont on the other hand cannot speaking of which val love your plan and i think we should go with it on the other hand. I think i have something else died. This and i take a likeable and i'm going to use it because i'm going to cast grind to look for a mock sweet do does anybody have any possessions of a mock orlando. Shakes his head. I do not lear in leave that i do. Maybe a shot of his clothes. I don't know what kind of person you are. Anything beyond common items that anyone could have had. You don't have position of so. Chris go ahead and cast screaming so make not having an object. Too much of anything Knowledge of vermont vermont. That's all that he has really does closes his eyes and tries to concentrate on china. Deceive the mock and here swirling in your mind's eye in front of you you see dark clouds. And then wisps of light forming and as you unconsciously take a step forward toward a small basin of water that been laid out for all of you to wash up and that morning mick kneels down is still closed and as your hands grip the sides of this. This basin noah. Why don't you roll forevermark. Sixteen and as everyone starts peering toward mic the slightest incantation coming off his lips a figure starts to appear in the basin and then a moment later everyone sees clearly the form of the goliath the mock took uh-huh.
Thailands Beaches and Thailand's Sharks
"The. Hi, I'm calling your host of the good news podcasts. And I'm Neil. The other host. The good news podcast is your source for good news, fun stories auditory, delight and sonic, joy or bringing all of this goodness. To you from the cards against humanity studios in Chicago. Today's good news is all about an animal that people may be love less than pooches. We're talking about sharks. Baby, sharks are spooky as heck. But they're a very important part of an ecosystem. It's so interesting that you call him spooky spooky why spooky because of the dead is. I think the debt is. And it feels like they're always hiding from you, even when you can see when I still feel like it's in a closet waiting to chop me. They feel like an apex predator. Like a lion in the Seren Getty shorts. Need a Lion King moment. So that we all think about them as being great loving fathers. You know, what you're saying is actually a really good point. Anyway, today's good news comes from Thailand. Thailand is a beautiful place and one of its most famous beaches is getting back to nature this beach was made famous by a movie very appropriately named the beach after the movie became a major tourist destination and was fully flood. Added with people all the time. The tiger -ment made the bold decision that for the protection of the natural environment. They needed to close the beach initially. It was just going to be for four months, but they can now see that it's going to take more time to rebound. So it's closed for the foreseeable future. That's a bummer for us. But it's great for a very specific breed of shark the black tip reef shark to be exact these sharks only thrive in very specific circumstances. Like this bay the Thai people have given the bay back to the sharks. Only seems right. Are there other places you want to return to the wild? I really like looking at post apocalyptic imagery. I really like seeing the Eiffel tower like covered in vines with deer grazing underneath it. You know, like like cities after people I feel like that was on discovery. Yeah. I wanna see particularly the Eiffel tower with trees growing out of it. Because I think that would be. Quite pretty what about you? Choline. You know, the first came to mind was much UP chew cool. I think right now, I haven't been I really wanna go anybody wants to go hit me up. I think right now, it is very close to how it's supposed to be intended. But because of the amount of traffic they and they met people that come to visit every year. I'm sure there's some very clear path. But let's just go jungle. Let's go jungle jungle, and then that and then I wanna see it like that. And it's NAT that would be its natural form. Well, I mean, that's a whole discussion. Right. As a natural form without any of the structures. Like if I want the tower return to nature doesn't mean the f tower itself is gone, and it's just a patch of grass would the match space just just grass or you wanna see the tumbled down rock structures. I wanna see the Monte peachy there with all the overgrown moss, I wanna see bunch. Thanks listening. Do you have good news loss or maybe wanna tell us a joke or idea? That's amazing Email us at good news at cards against humanity dot com, or leave us voicemails seven three two one seven zero one five six you can also tweet us at the good news pod. And if you love the good news podcast review us on itunes. We appreciate it. Most of our music is by putting bear same place. Same time tomorrow.
You are dearly loved >> Podcast
"Hi, this is Sarah, mama spiritual journey on the eighteenth of March twenty sixteen and this week. I'm going to be talking about crowns, third cosmic law. You are daily loved from the perspective of the Cachique records. So I've heard the phrase you are daily loved many times during crying Chen links both live and on the recordings and you can find those at WWW dot crown K R, Y O, N dot com. For me when I saw to giving a cash records, readings the messages about being daily loved started to come through each and every client during the readings and also for myself when I gave it reading. To me personally that is from perspective the Cachique records. I thought I would ask more about being loved about our struggle with loving ourselves on this planet. That's alone loving each other and how we might get closer to the energetic concept of being daily loved. When I give a reading relaying the words you out daily loved gives the wonderful energy rush in the light of the records. So I feel it a lot in the body and often during readings it just seems to be such a challenge to remember to love ourselves through all of our lives here. And what we go through during our daily struggles in good old three d. So I thought I would ask my master's teaches loved ones. How can we remember that? We are dearly loved. And they say for you the individual, Sarah. It's about staying centered in the body from top to bottom left to right keeping your conscious awareness in the heart center of the body. This gives you access to the heart Chakra and the solar plexus Chakra where the no not is located. This is an energetic aspect of our lattice, universal calibration lattice or UC L. It's located in your solar plexus area. And I was taught by my energy teacher that if you can see your psychic. I it kind of looks like a funnel cake kind of circular. The no not when activated downloads, so memory and life, purpose stay here. And you will always feel daily daily loved. Move out of here, and you are now awash in the planet. Tree see of different energies from everything else, which is very interesting and nice sometimes difficult, but that's his second hand love and not the first hand love, which comes direct from spirit. So stay centered in your own special way, and all will be well, that's also your best place to receive intuitive insights. So next. I thought I'd ask about everyone else. Because it's so very well. Getting the information for me. But what about you guys the listeners all the read is at my block. So how'd you all this remember that they are also dearly? Loved can we all do this? Everyone is different for some. It's important to ground through the feet the gardeners. Geologists the divers for some others. It's important to feel through the creative or sexual centers. Which would be the site crow. Chakra if he would note by the checkers, this will apply to most type of artists except for one for others. Yes. Again to do what was recommended fiv. I of the heart and silo plexus checkers yet, again Abbas will love being focused through the heart Chakra, and this is where they feel most at home and Kandar fulfill universal love the strongest why does a heart surgeon wants to be a heart surgeon because he or she loves the heart area. The body and the related checker or energy center. Many people in the caring professions care if others because to them their heart center is the return home and gives them the strongest sense of being duty loved those who loved the focus of the high heart Chakra or thyroid area are often the ones who loved to be homemakers designers, builders all construct things even architects, this is because the thyroid area of the body is a perfect balance between voice and care. So the ideas can be verbalised and turned into a unit an item a house or an environment. Those with the throat Chakra being energetically designed to connect them to home or spirit. The sing is the toll. 'cause the right is the piece Mike has the mediators. You'll know if you like this one best the third eye Chakra is not only are clever conceit, but the loving location of all lettuce visionary. If you are a visionary. This is the Chakra which brings you home and helps you know, you are daily loved you may have spent many lifetimes favoring this Chakra. So it is highly developed this time around and the connection with spirit is immediate. The crown Chakra think of Mahatma Gandhi, I angle the yoga teacher gurus sages, the Buddha Lee Carroll, the partner crying Haya teaches can reach their sense of self love a know that they are daily loved purely by opening this Chakra. Yet, humans why limit yourselves you have had many lifetimes on the planet where other checkers will your primary connection to source. You can ask if you'll records. How many of these have already been activated in other lifetimes, I'm bringing them forward into this lifetime? Why limit your sense of being daily loved? Why only have a three D cents of it? As cryan would say connect, I with a Chakra that resonates the most for you with the body sense of being daily loved then asked to be guided to a second, then that's it. And so on. The Rita Sarah is already sensing the Tim any lifetime. She worked with heart and soda plexus in the healing professions. Yet, another lifetime still all the other checkers became highly developed so receive our dear love, dear ones through Chakra practice. You all daily loved through each and every Chakra. While discussing chat, Chris with the last thing, I was expecting with this podcast. I hope you enjoyed it. I've also posted the text at mama spiritual journey dot com. If you look in the under these podcasts with Seren friends section on the menu, you'll find it along with the other podcasts in this series. I hope you enjoyed it. Come and visit me on Twitter at Sarah's energy. If you like chats on Twitter, I'm quite chatty. Data all connect with me at mom on a spiritual journey dot com. For blog posts or my services site for readings at new weld, energetic dot com. Until next time.
168: Why Talking About Finances Will Improve your Relationship
"What's going on guys. Welcome to ID podcast. Thank you for joining us. And if this is your first episode with us welcome. Yeah, we won't. Try not to scare you off. If you're a return listener, thank you for not being scared off. Thank you and we have a fun and very helpful episode. I think chasing I learned a lot and three you today. And today we interviewed Russell Baxter, and he has a licensed professional counselor that runs foundations counseling in grapevine, Texas, and he's created a curriculum for both couples and counselors to help navigate finances in your relationship. And he's currently wrapping up his first book, sharing your heart, sharing your treasure, which we talk a lot about today. Finances are a tricky wine, Sarah, and I definitely have had our arguments and disagreements around finances in. It's an area where I say is probably like the area where we are trying to do the most work where, yeah. It's tricky, you know, and Russell gives us some great tools for having a conversation around finance. I mean, that's just an important thing because it's such a loaded thing. We come into that conversation with a lot of motions around money just from the way we grew up different attachment things that you might not even yourself understand. So it's important to understand that for yourself and then understand it from your partner's perspective income into those conversations with all that in mind. And on top of that, forming a budget in having a discussion around dune. Yeah, it sounds scary word budget, but it's on so grown up, but it's important in and it'll save you a lot of frustration in your relationship. No matter what stage you're especially if it's early, maybe not. You know, you're going on your second date, but you you're living together. You are combining your finances. There's a lot of important things to consider. So this is important episode and one that I know Sarah, I learned a lot that will be applying and hopefully you guys can to. We hope you enjoy today's episode. Hi, Russell. Thanks so much for joining us on the show today. Oh, thank you. Russell. We've given our listeners a little overview, told them about your work. Why don't you take a minute and tell us why you enjoy the work that you do, and then we'll jump in and talk about how we can navigate finances in communication in our relationship? Well, I started out doing counseling because I love just helping people, and I've found the knack for working with couples because I love being able to help them communicate with each other and be able to share their hearts with each other and the to work through their wounds and their past and be able to actually in the end, he'll each other and the real thing that called me to the real reason I was called to work with money and marriage marriages just because of the impact that it had in my marriage and my wife and I, I got married. I had tons of student loans, obviously with being account. Insular Nelia master's degree. And so she and she didn't have any student loans and so it it was, you know, me with all of my debt at her with no debt. We, we kind of worked through it in the first year and we ended up being able to pay off everything in the first year working together. And it was probably one of the best things that ever happened to our marriage because it forced us to communicate forces to work on a plan and for and if you know forces to work towards something together as a team and I realized land, everybody needs to go through this, everybody needs to experience this. And so I started also seeing my practice that there was a lot of things that were connected to money. It's one of the main reasons for divorce in our country today. And I figured we'll, why aren't we addressing this more? So started writing a book money and finances seem to be tied to. To the way we are brought up there. You know, there's element of control and it's a lot more complicated than just dollars and cents. And then when as an individual, and then you bring a partnership together. And a friend of mine said early on one of my early businesses that partnerships are leaky ships when it comes to partnerships with other people in business. And it's so true in a lot of I came to find out it was true in a lot of times, it's because you're not on the same page as your partner. And I'm talking about this in a purely non relationship sense that if you're if you're if I'm a business partner with a friend of mine from down the street because there's so many elements involved in communication being a huge one in humans just don't seem to do that. Crate, and that's why you know the same partnerships can be leaky ships because there's a breakdown in communication or one partner thought, hey, I thought I was a majority stakeholder in the business and you never even discussed it. And so then you put that in the in a relationship, whether it's a marriage or a long term committed relationship, and you have all these other elements of love and family and kids and everything that goes into relationship and things can go south pretty fast. So one born, we talk about how we can better navigate finances in a relationship in. And as you say like, this is going to help the relationship as a whole outside of specifically, finances. Absolutely. Will now was I love being efficient and I love being able to make complicated problems more simple. And so when I started, I started to see that you know, if we, if we're having trouble with. Indication's intimacy dreaming together and sharing our passions together. Well, if we focus on money than we're able to focus on all of those things at the same time, and I use use actually a budget to as a tool for opening up communication in marriage because you have to sit down and you have to go over every transaction. You have to agree on how much we're going to spend in every category, and if forces those those conversations to be had was that of just boarding them. The makes sense. Yeah, yeah. The interesting kind of like homework, like just to kick starting just like form budget and talk about it. But easier. Very messy. You know? I mean, it is going to be messy because, like you said, if we're we have even though we're married or even the, we're in a relationship together. There's still going to be my own personal interest in my mind. And so I'm constantly going to be battling by selfishness. I'm constantly gonna be battling my own selfish interests that are trying to get me to look out for number one and being in being in a relationship, but you can't do that you, you have to consider the whole and not just the individual and money forces us to base those problems. And if you're unwilling to change on willing to adapt to that, that's where we face a lot of the problems that we see just in marriage today is an unwillingness to adapt to being in a partnership and a team. And I'm just curious along those lines just because there are so many couples that are coming into relationship or marriage with student loans. We your relationship. If you don't mind sharing, how did that work? Did your wife chip into pay for some. Of your student loans, or was that something that you did yourself? How did you kind of manage that situation? Because I'm sure there's a lot of couples that are in that same boat. The best. The first thing that I even picked up what you talked about, it was in the pronouns, right? We never called it. My student loans, we called it our student loans because they were our student loans. Now, you know, because we are married there. It's our problem, not just my problem. And that's the first thing that I tell a lot of couples is don't make this one individuals issue. Did they bring it into the marriage? Absolutely. But you're new about that most of the time for you got married, and, and so you know what you signed up for, and so it is now your problem. And so that was the first thing. My wife continually showed me grace. She can continue show me pacing. This wasn't man. We gotta keep spending are my money on your problem because that would have caused me to have shame and and wanna shut down, or you know, lose interest in doing any of this. And so the, you know, when we started to use. Possessive plural pronouns, like all we're problem, our money that really combined with the team. And the next thing was it really started out luckily where I already had a career. I was already working as a counselor when we got married, and so we already used to living off of my salary and my wife was just finishing nursing school. And so she got her job is nurse right as we started committing to doing this. And so we said, okay, we're not gonna spend. We're not gonna adjust our lifestyle in the slightest. We're going to just take all of her money, all of the money that she is earning and we're going to put it towards Dench. And that was, you know, being able to sacrifice together being able to say no together really, really help. But we both had to agree to do that for seniors. She wonders couldn't just make a unilateral decision and say. You know, we're gonna do this and I don't care what you have to say about this and we had to work as a team. Let's talk about a place for a couple to start. It seems like. Depending on where you're at in their relationship. If it's a newer relationship, then you're not necessarily sharing finances, but it could still be important to communicate about money, but rather than focusing on that because many of our listeners are in more committed relationships or marriages. Let's talk about a couple who has had the conversation agreed that they are going to share finances. Now. Obviously there's a lot of ways that can look, but they're going to share finances. Then. Are there any important things to have in that discussion about how we're going to combine our finances, and then we can move forward to talk about budgeting and next steps after that? Absolutely. I and logistically speaking and just for my own experience in my counseling practice biting your finances of must not just not because you can't be successful the wise and doing. It other ways. I know plenty of people who are financially successful with two different or three or four different checking accounts, and they seem how manage it all. But I've also seen plenty of marriages that fall apart because of secret spending affairs different things that are enabled because of having our money separate. You know where we can start to keep things from each other and we have secrets. And so I, I normally always just encourage them to combine their finances by talking about, you know, we wanna have how many, how do we wanna lay out our checking accounts. Normally, I recommend just having one checking account because one is always simpler than to, and there's a lot less to look at. There's a lot less to worry about and provides a greater opportunity for accountability when when we both have to look at our transactions and we both have to look at where we spent our money, there is an openness and a vulnerability for accountability in that release. Ship that wouldn't it be there otherwise, because it just complicates things to have more than one account now doesn't mean it can't be done and I know it or no, it can be financial successful. But the main point about my book is not necessarily about financial success, but it is about connecting more deeply in an emotional way with your your spouse or your your significant other. And so to answer your question, will the points. We need to talk about logistics and say, you know, what is important to us is, is it really important to us to have all of these accounts together in one account? If it's not an, I would really want to have a conversation as to what makes us uncomfortable about that for some people, it's it's trust issue. I don't, especially with remarried couples who have been hurt before and divorce. They, they have reluctancy to want to combine their finances with somebody else again and I can understand that. But if we have trouble trusting with our money, then there's probably somewhere else in our relationship that we're having trouble trust in too. Because if you really trust somebody completely and you can trust them with your money as well, is it makes sense? Yeah, absolutely. And you know, like you mentioned for some people having separate accounts works for them, but like he mentioned it at the end of the day, communication is what is most important? So. So if they do choose to have a separate account because that's what works for their relationship, they need to make sure that they are communicating almost more than the couple that has that combined account and has access to each other spending, for example. Exactly. And that was the main thing is that if you're gonna have separate checking accounts than you do need to talk a lot more often because they can't see may they may have access to the account, but they're, they're not going to be checking it every day. And so there is a lot more communication required. And so in some sense, it's just about efficiency. One is always easier than to, and I would much rather just have it be simple and clean unless complicated. I feel like finances in general work in life in general work a lot better when things are simple and cleaning meats. Let's talk a little bit about how we as individuals can have different emotional connections to money in then how bringing that into the relationship into the budget can create negative consequences. Absolutely. I, I am a big advocate for emotional intelligence and and I love being able to give couples language to be able to communicate on a deeper level because most of us stay kinda stuck on the surface where we are using words like frustrated, upset, annoyed bothered, don't really communicate anything to our spouse or significant other and. And leaves them wondering how to fix it. They are kind of going. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to change. All I know is that I'm knowing you and there three main negative emotions that I've seen correlated with money, and that would be anxiety, shame and sadness. And I break those up into smaller categories in the book. But you know, exiled and even self is not really a very specific word because I can say, I'm anxious to go. I'm anxious for this weekend and you might have still have you might still struggle to know what I'm saying. But. I 'cause I can be excited to go to six flags, or I could be anxious or worried about having to go hang out with family and you know he could be one way or the other. And so I like to give couples a chance to connect with their emotional relationship with money. And so for instance, some people, they have a very strong shame response of money either because they aren't. They don't feel like producing enough. They don't feel like they contribute enough to the family. They don't feel like they have succeeded enough. There's a lot of inadequacy conviction like some people have really strong shame responses because they know they're doing something unethical with money and they become defensive, and it creates a lot of very strong arguments when we try to even broach the subject about money and and and most people don't realize that they're having these feelings or they can't really communicate very well. And so they, they struggled to be able to share that with their spouse. For me personally, my. Own in my own life. I started with feedback and criticism because it created a shame response to me. And so every time my wife would, you know, wanna correct me or tell me, hey, you're, you're spending too much in this category or you're, you know, you're being a little too pulse it with money. I would get defensive because I'm experiencing shame at that moment and I'm gonna. I don't like it, and she's the one that's causing me to have it. And so I would lash out and I'd be angry, but I wasn't really angry. I was more. I was ashamed and the Sooners I was able to communicate that to her. She knew that she needed to approach the topic a little differently. She knew how to you know, she started out with a positive and she ended with and ended with a correction, and I was better able to better able to respond and change to. Yeah, it's it's amazing how money and finances can elicit these. These strong feelings in in motions just from like really strong, and then that's why. Couples inevitably are gonna argue over this. A lot of times becomes an issue in because we have these very individual relationships with money that go much deeper, like you said, these anxiety, shame and sadness than than just the surface level dollars. You know, it's not just a number. There's a lot under there and seems like a good place to start is to examine introspectively your relationship with money and that way you can communicate that to your partner in in. Hopefully your other partner can do that too. And now you guys are going to be operating on a level where you both have an understanding of how to communicate around it. And in that when your partner says something, it's not coming from a place that is designed to attack you and make you feel shameful about maybe not being the main provider for the family. But and you mentioned the positive communication giving positive before you criticize. I, it's so important. It seems. It almost seems like it could be not trivial, but we don't think about these things, and that's why a lot of times it can blow up and create frustration and anger and resentment in a relationship. Absolutely, absolutely. And. When we look at. We look at our our, you know, having these conversations, I kind of lay out this roadmap in the book where we start by just talking about our principles, what is important to us? What is okay and what is not okay. And a lot of couples are not having these conversations unless they've gone to some really in-depth marriage pre-marriage counseling ahead of time, you know, because we need unify, what's our relationship with money and family arena, let our family borrow money are we not going to let them borrow money? Are we gonna? How are we going to give our kids money? What's relationship going to look like with that? Are we okay with having death? Are we not okay with having that? These are all things that need to be understood and agreed upon and really pity naked with because they impact all of the decisions that you're going to make moving forward. And so if that is not something that you're comfortable with, if you're not okay with Rhys. Risk, then you know it's important for you and your your spouse to be able to connect with that and say, yeah, we are going to avoid debt at all cost, and but you know, on the other side, you may be okay with it and but within certain restrictions, and we have to find those limitations than agree on those two. And really it's just about having intentional conversations about our what's in our heart and what's what scares us about money? What worries about money and be able to find solutions together as a team. So obviously, having those conversations can stir up a lot of, you know emotions and can cause arguments or disagreements at the moment. Do you have any tools at specific tools for navigating arguments when it comes to finances, but I. I wanna tell you a little bit about today's sponsors. Today's episode is brought to you by JJ virgins. Seven day stop drop in swap challenge. As we've mentioned over the past few episodes, the seventy challenge is designed to help you stop classic symptoms of food intolerance, and drop up to seven pounds in seven days by swapping out seven problem foods for healthy tasty alternatives. And if you don't remember the seven problem foods are gluten soybean dairy, eggs, peanuts, corn, end sweeteners those thing. Give you some problems. Yep. Today is day one of our second challenge. We got some awesome feedback from you guys that in the last challenge you were feeling less bloated, your skin was looking better. You felt less tired. Sounds like talking about you and I. So we've decided to do another challenge for those of you who didn't join us in the first go around. If this is the first time you've heard about the seven day, JJ virgin challenge. It involves swapping out problem foods like cow's milk and bread for healthier versions like coconut milk and lettuce wraps. You also drink too delicious smoothies day plus one traditional meal. They offer tons of recipes and they also provide free guides to help you adapt the challenge. If you're vegan paleo or feeding large family was rupture great for sandwich shops to maybe not PB and j. let no, probably not. Just like now we would love for you guys to join us on round two of this free challenge. It's only seven days, so super easy. No excuses, right? Yes. If you haven't signed up yet, it's not to go to JJ virgin dot com for slash due to join the free challenge again, that. JJ virgin dot com forward slash I do. Today's episode is also sponsored by our course spark. My relationship. We started. I do podcast to get information to improve our own relationship. We thought at the very least will be able to do that and then to share it with our listeners, the guests are great, and we've gotten a ton of valuable information. But we found that if we don't actually deliberately take the time to implement the strategies and tools that our guests give us, we weren't seeing the real lasting benefits that we desired in our relationship, and that's why we created the spark my relationship course. We've collaborated with fifteen psychologists and therapists to create a comprehensive relationship course that not only teaches you the skills needed to create a successful in lasting relationship, but the tools to execute it fine rolling in the online course, you'll have access to the same strategies in tools that marriage therapists. Teach their clients, including therapists, top video lessons with workbooks and exercises to help you work towards accomplishing your relationship goals in less than ninety days. You'll also learn how to detox unhelpful relationship habits and learn healthy ways to interact. You'll learn how to disagree respectfully and communicate mindfully as well as how to improve intimacy and reignite your sex life and so much more spark. My relationship isn't just a course for struggling. Couples is a course for couples who want to see the relationship flourish. If this is you, then you are perfect fit for the course. So for a special offer for our ID podcast, listeners head over to spark my relationship dot com for slash unlock again for thirty percent off the course plus special bonuses just for idee podcast listeners visit spark my relationship dot com slash unlock. Sure, absolutely arguments are essential to having a constructive marriage. I mean, you I was kinda get a little bothered when I hear couples and say, we never fight, and I'm thinking, well, you know. Let's see the exact same. Or you're just not talking about something that you know talking about what's important because construct arguments are what makes us better people. We when we disagree and we've come to a conclusion, we find a compromise that makes relationship stronger. It makes us as a couple stronger. But what what most people struggle with is making it a constructive argument, they tend to the arguments tend to devolve into name calling or bringing up the past, or, you know, poking fun at each other, our just shaming each other in general, and that's not constructive. That's just that's just thirty and it doesn't really help the relationship in the slightest. And so what I tend to tell people is the first and foremost is, is you wanna try to keep the main thing, the main thing and anyone you wanna really emphasize whatever the topic was that we started in this conversation is the con- the topic we need to end on because most of our argh. Women, you know, for instance, if my wife came to me and said, hey, you don't help enough with the dishes and I and if I'm not willing to own that, if I'm not willing to recognize that, then I'm going to try to deflect or I'm going to create a different topic and say, well, you know, at least I don't do that's such. And and then she's probably gonna take that they because she's gonna be defensive and then she's going to bring up something about, you know, my family or, you know something else done in the past and maybe win an always or never. And it just becomes as escalating tantrum that the two of us are having and we're not really talking about the dishes anymore or talking about all of our past hurts, our pass resentments, and it becomes very, very messy at that point. And so I try to help them focus on keeping the main thing, the main thing. So even if we know we're going to have a south conversation, I would even courage people to write it down piece of paper. Before we even get into this conversation. And so this is what we need to really focus on. You know, no, deflections, no rationalizations, no justifications to rights or two wrongs don't make a right, and we need to stay focused on what we're doing so in so that we can actually fix it. And the second part that I would tell people is to be quick to own your part of the problem and to apologize because in every every problem in marriage, there's two parts now they're not necessarily always proportional or growing some people own more of the problem than the other, but there's normally two parts to every problem. And so it's important when we are having these arguments for you too. It's it's, it's easier. It's cleaner, it's neater. It makes them arguments go so much better. When all you have to do is say, you know, I did do that. I'm sorry. An apology. My gosh, an apology is one of the most effective tools that we don't. It's most underutilized to marriage to arm relationships to really smooth things over. It's not always easy. It does take a lot of practice because we gotta swallow our pride. We have to own the fact that we made mistakes. But in the end invalidates are are significant others feelings and makes them realize they're not crazy that they're not being too sensitive. They're not. They're not being nagging or anything like that that you know that really did happen. I really did do that. I'm sorry. And those are just two of the things that have a few other in the book, but I don't wanna take all your time. News just those two exercises are so valuable when talking about finances. But as you mentioned anything in the relationship and it's amazing how you get into an argument and you start or even not an argument, but it it, you could be addressing something and it quickly escalates to an argument. And now suddenly you're talking about, well, you never clean the dishes in it started with something completely opposite. So having the constructive argument where you keep the main thing, the main thing is is super valuable and then apologizing in owning your part even if it not even if you're wrong because it's not about right or wrong, like remembering that you're on the same team and that can just diffuse the situation so fast. Maybe you feel. Feel like your partners in the wrong, and they've come at you with something and you're in you like, I'm sorry, you're validating your feelings. I'm sorry that you feel that way about that. Like just that simple statement can de escalate it and you guys can have a much more constructive in mindful conversation rather than escalating argument. Exactly. Yeah. I know he tell clients all the time a lot you you tend to have to make a choice. Do you wanna be right all the time or do you want to be married. You can't normally do both and and continue to stay married and and the one thing that really gets people, they really tends to hook people in these kind of problems is the the, the topic of intention. You know, why didn't mean to do that? I didn't mean to hurt her right mean to for come out that way and and just because they didn't mean to do, it doesn't disqualify the fact that it happened and, and that's where a lot of especially some of my male clients, they really struggle with the fact that you know, I didn't need to hurt her feelings for her to take it that way. But the fact that she did get hurt in the fact that it did happen, you know, doesn't invalidate her pain it actually, we need to recognize the fact that it did happen. You know, I use the restriction over time of, you know, just because you didn't mean to have a car accident doesn't mean that you won't hurt somebody and it could be. Accidental and completely in, you know, you didn't. You had no intention of, you know, crashing your car that day, but it did happen and we have to apologize own the fact that it did happen and and I tend to try to tell the other person, you know, if we want to give this, we need to give this person the most generous assumption possible that they didn't try to do this with malicious intent that they were really just using the tools that they had at the time. And maybe this is how they were raised any. This is how they were taught how marriage is supposed to work out how relationships are supposed to function, and it's just they're doing the best with what they have. And so when we recognize that just because you didn't mean to do this or just because you didn't mean to hurt this person doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. Yeah, I I would like to stress that even more because whenever chasing iron in an argument and we both try to do this, but you know, we try to give the other person. Of the doubt and really try to understand where they're coming from and know that there wasn't malicious intent there because what ninety nine percent of the time you're not trying to hurt your partner. So really being mindful of that and train it really focusing on that before you have a response really can make a huge difference. Absolutely. I think that's the thing that tends to escalate arguments so so so much further is because it hurts me to think that you have this opinion of me that I would intentionally want to hurt you and it hurts my feelings that you would think of me that way and. Because you know when we respond to somebody like they've been malicious, you know, it takes me back and then now I was suing, you're being malicious now and and it just continues to ask. But if I know with deep down in my heart that my wife would never do anything to hurt me and that if she's doing this, she must have a reason for it. And I need to understand that reason. You know, maybe she stressed maybe she had a long day. It doesn't make it okay, but it does make it where it's a little less painful because she's not just going out for way to hurt me. She's she's just trying to act out her own pain and trying to figure it out and trying to understand how she feels in the more. We are able to have constructive conversations about that in crews me being assertive and saying, hey, it's not okay for you to take your day out on me and to be stressed and to yell at me 'cause I didn't do anything because it hurts my feelings. I have to be sort of like that, but you. Not do damage to actually build our relationship as opposed to tear it down. So one of the areas that in regards to maybe it's almost more on the finance side, but very much has to do with our relationship is Sarah and I will get stuck sometimes when we're going over the budget and we talk about these emotional connections that we have with money, these deep-seated things. And what I say sometimes as in. Is the numbers don't lie. So even though Sarah or myself might feel a certain way about being controlled because because we have to set a certain budget for each other with the end of the day, the numbers are the numbers. So as much as I would like, you know, Saratoga to have a million dollars to spend every month on on what it is that she wants to independently. We have to budget as a team, and that's where I guess I'm I'm bringing this up because that's where actually digging into the numbers in having a budget that that's in a spreadsheet that's itemized to classic budget in communicating around that that towards really valuable, not as a tool to be like, hey, told you so or to put pressure on your partner. But to be like, right and argue about this into our blue in the face. But here are the. Numbers that we have to work with. So if we're gonna have a hopefully a constructive conversation, let's have it around these cold hard facts in not your opinion on how much we should go out to eat, or I mean, that's kind of a factor. But if we do that within the framework of, here's what we have to work with, then it's just going to be a much more constructive discussion. Absolutely. Well, and one of the things that makes those conversations so difficult that a lot of couples don't have long term and short term goals for their money. And so they have nothing outside of the present Hugh to work towards. And so to them, it's just like, why can't I spend this money now? And I call it a transcendent priority at something outside of myself. That helps me to say no, in the present. Something that helps me to say, you know, I don't need that coffee today because we're actually working towards the savings goal. Are we're working towards something else, and I'm the spender of the family. So I, I'm not a, I'm not a a nerdy person who loves spreadsheets. I like to spend money. And so for me to learn, I, I used to have the same perspective that you said about budgets that it's controlling me, but I realized that in every situation in life, I need moderation. I need to say, no, I need to be controlled a little bit and I need parameters. We all love structure. We all need structure and we thrive. And and so when I started to see that the budget was not necessarily prison. But it was a structure that will help me succeed into thrive. I, I actually had a totally different attitude towards it. I didn't resent it anymore. I actually wanted to work towards it. And so you know, for instance, I encourage couples does you know, as we've figured out what's important to us, you know, maybe paying for your kids college if something that's really important for you, and that's great and we need to have that goal or when we need to figure out how do we make that happen by doing some math. Well, if we need to put in an extra four hundred dollars a month into this, I've twenty nine plan and to be able to pay for kids college. Where do we need to find that money? Well, most of the people that I meet with their eating out way too much, and they're bleeding money, either at gas stations or Starbucks or in small whittled transactions, and and they don't even know that they're doing it most of the time. And so just paying attention to that and. Having a purpose behind it. It's not just because we want to keep you from spending money. No, we want to send our kids to college that free when we can provide a purpose behind it, it makes the sacrifice a little more tolerable. So let's say someone is going over their budget and all the chasing. I as an example, I want to be able to budget this amount on for this item and chase doesn't agree with that amount of money. How do you then decide on that budget so that it works for for both of you goes back to chases point as if you the first thing would be, do you have the money, right? If you, if you don't have the money, then the point is moot. You know, we don't. We don't really unless it's obviously necessity like utilities, your mortgage or food. But if it's if it's a luxury item than we do need to compromise on it, you know? And so. Oh, for instance, in my home, we have fun money category. It's a category that you get to do whatever you want with this money every month. No questions asked and it's completely up to you and. I think that I probably could use some more of that. My wife was say, we're good where we're at back. You might wanna pull it back and we had to have that conversation say, I know you don't necessarily care about having fun money, but I do. I enjoy being able to spend money. It makes me feel good, but I also want to work within the parameters of our budget. And so kinda like Allah chases point, you know, the numbers don't lie. They they either exist or they don't. The money has to come from somewhere. And if you're going to raise the category that you're fighting for, and then we have to pull the category somewhere else. So if you for instance, wanna spend more on, you know, entertainment every month and chases disagrees with you. Then you have to make the case of, well, you know, we can afford it. One and two won't affect our goals are savings or or you know, paying off our house early or anything like that. And three that will actually going to use it in both this be able to enjoy it or that there should be a reason for us not to do it. That makes sense. Yeah, yeah. And that's a great example in why I mentioned about like the numbers don't lie because it is a very, a lot of things in relationships are not clear cut, and there's there's best practices and ways to communicate, but there's a lot of different situations, a lot of emotions, a lot of everyone has different background, but when it comes to just purely finance, it's zeros and ones in numbers, and and so if you can take the guesswork and all the complications of motion and all that out of it and just form like it's not even forming a budget itemize what you're spending, I then. That's a very clear factual document that then you can move forward from and you could bring in the complicated stuff of what we've talked about, like communicating around it, your relationship to money, but just from personal experience, if you're was Seren. I, if you're trying to have conversations about money without that, then it sometimes it's okay, but it's just it can be almost counterproductive because you each might have your opinion and what you wanna do. But if the if the money's not there then doesn't really matter or if you know. Yeah, I guess if the money's right, they're not there. It doesn't really matter in in. So just to have those two things almost coinciding with each other, it's going to be a much more productive conversation I wanted to mention, and I'm sure you use these tools with your clients, but there's plenty of. Apps out there to help you budget on your phone and and you know, certainly forming it initially and then keeping track to be able to to stay on top of it and then not have that be an issue as well that you're not keeping track of the budget and because it's easy to form a budget, I guess, in the beginning, but then are you staying on top of it? Are you checking back in things change, right. Money goes up. Money goes down as far as your income and or maybe there's more debt. So just staying on top of that conversation because I know from personal experience to is it's easy to to have it and then forget about it for a few months. And then it might boil up in another argument and sometimes like you're back at square one. Absolutely. It's very important. It's very important to me every I told normally for couples that they need at the beginning every week to go over how much they've spent this week. What and where, where they are in their categories. One of the the other problems that I've noticed is that people say they're, they have a budget and they may have a spreadsheet with all their listed expenses and all these different things. But then they never tracked actually see if they're staying within the budget. And so there's no accountability and there's no, there's standard that there's they're staying with it. It's just kind of, yeah, we have it. We actually have it in our possession, but we're may not be using it as the standard that we need to to better explain the earlier point. I think that when you are creating that budget together when you both see each other sacrificing and when you both are willing to sacrifice, it makes it a lot easier to find those compromises if only one person is doing all the factor fighting or neither person is willing to relent, then that is going to be a stalemate and it is going to be a problem. Them and. Have to ask yourself what what am I am? I really worried about an extra fifty dollars or a hundred dollars is that is having this fight really worth that. 'cause that's really what we're talking about is. It's fifty dollars or one hundred dollars or three hundred dollars. It's you know, it's just money and it doesn't necessarily have to create conflict all the kind. We have definitely been guilty of not saying on top of the butts. So it is. Yeah, me too me too. In is key. Like like you said, it's that that weekly check in or maybe it's BI monthly, but whatever you decide saying on top of it and we are currently using the everydollar app, but there's meant in great, but we'll be sure to link to few in the show notes and Russell you've given. Saron is some great tools that that we're gonna apply to to our communication and certainly around our budget. So we appreciate you coming on and why don't we finish up by having listeners where they can find you online? And if there's anything you want to leave them with and then we'll say goodbye. Awesome. Well, I, my current website is foundations counseling p l l c dot com. My book is to come out this December as long as everything goes as planned and it'll be on Amazon and hopefully I'll be. Able to get into some bookstores. That'd be really great. And so it's called sharing your heart, sharing your treasure and it'll be out this this fall crate well, we'll be sure to add the link to your website in the show notes page in the podcast description. And then as soon as your book is launched up, please let us know and we'll share it with our audience off my preciado guys be hope you enjoyed today's episode as always all the links are in the show notes page as well as on the podcast description, and while you're on our website, we encourage you guys to check out our fourteen day happy. Couple challenge. We send you an Email for fourteen days with simple doable challenges to help strengthen and improve your relationship and on our website. We also have a bunch of free resources for your relationship. So we encourage you to check those out. We also have our love, tribe on Facebook. We encourage you guys. To join the tribe and be there for support free to other. If you have questions or just need some relationship advice, we are all here for each other. The group has grown to almost thousand people and we love it. So we hope you guys during that you can go to Facebook, love, tribe, fam- and you'll find us rate there. And if you are interested in learning more about our flagship course spark my relationship, we hope you guys check it out. We have a special offer that is only four podcast listeners, so you can go to spark my relationship dot com slash unlock and you can unlock that special offer and learn more as always thank you guys so much and we'll see you next week.
158: Creating Golden Moments with Teenagers // Saren Eyre Loosli
"You're listening to three and thirty takeaways for moms episode. One fifty eight creating golden moments with teenagers. Welcome to three and thirty podcasts. For moms who want to create more meaning motherhood each thirty minute episode feature three doable takeaways for you to try it home with your family this week. I'm your host rachel nielsen. Thank you so much for being here. As i hope you know i recently released a journal. Called flecks of gold to help mothers notice and record the golden moments in their days with their children. This is a gorgeous heirloom quality journal. That would be a treasure for any mom. So if you haven't already reserved your copy or gotten a few copies to give to other women in your life. I hope you will. You can go to three and thirty. Podcasts dot com slash flecks of gold to do that. Many people have asked me. Is this journal. Good for moms of older children as well. My answer is yes. This journalists for moms who want to focus in on the joy in their daily life with their children no matter how older children are the flecks of gold right down will be very different if you have teenagers instead of toddlers. But those golden moments are still there and especially. If you're going through a bit of a rocky time with your teenager it might be all the more important to notice. Those flecks of gold or as my guests and i are going to discuss in today's episode to create those flecks of gold if the golden moments with your teenagers aren't happening on their own. You may just have to be proactive and kind of make them happen by the way that you engage with your children our guest today. Sharon i are. Loosely is going to give us three takeaways for pretty simple ways to do that. You might recognize sarah's name from other episodes of three thirty that's because she's been a mentor of mine for almost ten years and has deeply impacted. My motherhood seren co-founded the website. Power of moms with april perry and i was a writer and editor there for many years before i started. Three and thirty saron is the one who gave me the advice. That's at the heart of the flexible journal. And that. I've mentioned on the show before in motherhood the hard moment sometimes outnumber the beautiful moments but the beautiful moments always out weighed the hard moments. I can't wait to get into my discussion with her about how we can continue to focus on the beautiful moments in motherhood even as our children get older but first a quick word from our episode's sponsors which are to resources that i feel will really bless your life especially if you are parenting teenagers. I a podcast. This episode is brought to us by podcast that i have been loving lately notes from the backpack by the national pta. Sometimes our kids forget to share the notes from their backpack that tell us everything was happening at their school. Am i right. Will notes from the backpack gives parents the inside scoop on how to help your child succeed in school and at home. This podcast discusses real struggles facing modern kids and parents and they always interview the absolute best of the best when it comes to true experts on topics that matter most. I love their recent episode about surviving quarantine with your teen with adolescent psychologist. Dr lisa d'amour her insights into how to support our teens through these strange times where they're away from their friends their routines the teachers that they love and their regular sports and lives or so actionable and compassionate and i really feel that that episode is a great companion to the tips that you'll hear today from seren loosely. So i will link that in the show notes they also have recent episodes on exploring learning differences during covid nineteen how to handle bullying and much more. You can find notes from the backpack a pta. Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. Or at notes from the backpack dot com. I hope you'll enjoy this resource as much as i have second. Our for the month of november has been accompanied that you know. I'm passionate about better help. The world's largest provider of therapy done one hundred percent online. Did you know that teenagers can use better help. If you have a teen who's struggling emotionally right now or who you would just like to get set up some support or tools for emotional resilience encourage them to fill up quick intake survey at better help dot com slash three and thirty where they will be matched with a counselor within about twenty-four hours. They can meet with the counselor online or via text messaging or chat. And if the counselor they get matched with isn't a great fit. They can always request a change at no charge. I have a friend who got her daughter set up with an online counselor before she headed off to college and it has been a huge blessing her to have that emotional support in time of so much change and upheaval. Whether you're looking for emotional support for your teenager or for yourself better help can help so go to better help dot com slash three and thirty to get started and get ten percent off your first month. That's better h e l p dot com slash three and thirty and now onto the show. This is how to create golden moments with your teenagers. I'm thrilled today. To be interviewing seren are loosely. Who has mentioned in that. Introduction has profoundly impacted. My life is a prolific educator who earned a b a from wellesley college and a masters in education from harvard university. she's done humanitarian missionary work around the world and has designing curriculum and teacher training programs in schools and preschools across the united states. While sarah had five young children she felt the need to connect and share ideas with other moms so she used nap times in school time and sometimes late night hours to help co founder and co the website power of moms that grew to a viewership over two mothers five years ago seren founded a new organization called power families that offers support in resources for both moms and dads seren has designed and presented training events in retreat for moms and for couples across the united states and in australia often bringing one of her children or her whole family along to help with the event enjoy special trip. Sarah children now range in age from fifteen to twenty and she's still figuring out how to parent teens while entering the uncharted waters. Parenting adult children. She loves hiking in. Every kind of weather devours audiobooks and podcasts and travels with her family every chance she gets. It's my honor to welcome my friend and mentor. Certain loosely. To thirty welcomes aaron. Thanks so much rachel. It's so good to be here with you in such kind words that you said i'm so glad to be referred to as your mentor. 'cause you're so awesome. Oh well thank you. A new really are and i was just thinking today. Your podcast with is the first podcast. I ever listened to so it's kind of interesting to come full circle here. I remember power mom's retreat. You guys mentioned that. You had a podcast. I thought what is a podcast. How are you listen to that. And here we are. You know he cool. You've had a really big impact on my life. And i feel like what's interesting. Is that when. I first started following your work. Your kids were about the age that my kids are now. And now you like you sent the in that insure. Your kids are becoming adults. And it's a very different phase of life. And i can't wait to hear your wisdom about how to make that transition and continue to be involved engage. Mom as your kids get older. Well thanks so much. And i'm sure as you know it might sound like wisdom to others but those that are in the middle of it like you and me whatever state you're at it feels like you're just figuring it out day by day and trying to share the little wins that you ever are able to get but it is hard no matter what state you're in and those flex of golden so glad you did this journal and so glad that you appreciated that quote from long ago from me because really. That's what it's what it's all about. you know. i mean there's plenty of hard stuff but when we savor those little flecks of gold those beautiful golden moments. That's where we start to feel our power joy and it starts to feel like it's okay that it can be so hard. Sometimes yes for sure and i feel like i have a sense for what your children were like when they were younger. Just from reading so much of your writing and listening to your podcast. But i don't know as much about what they're like now and obviously without going into any specifics but have your. Teenagers have been tough at times. I mean i know parents say the teen years can be really difficult. Sometimes to find those golden moments with those kids you know it really is hard. And i feel like i hit my stride when my kids were in elementary school. I loved my babies and toddlers but when they're in elementary school we could really have conversations and we could go do field trips together and they could put on their own shoes and go to the bathroom by themselves. Like i felt like we're good. We can just do all this awesome stuff. And i felt like every day was full of these beautiful flick of gold moments. I just felt like gosh. I'm an awesome mom and these are awesome kids and we just had so much fun and i loved that time and then they became teenagers and those hormones are no joke and as they want to. I mean it's a natural part of development. Kids need to separate themselves a little more from their parents because they need to learn how to be independent people. Plus there's the hormonal thing and it's it's just it's a hard process when you're kind of in a really good place with your kids and then you start to be in this place where you kind of feel like you're walking on thin ice sometimes in your away. No i don't have it. I hear some cracking. And it's it's really really a challenge to go through that transition. And i can honestly say now the i love love love having teenagers but i have to admit it was a little rough there at the beginning because i had to transition from being. You know the person who's always the kind of the manager which is kind of what you do when your kids are elementary age and stuff like that. You're the caretaker when they're real little then you're kind of the manager but then you need to transition into being the coach and being kind of more of a mentor and being more of a supporter and letting go of a lot of things and that can make it really hard. and there's some you know headbutting. And there's some stubbornness comes into play and there some like but wait. No this is the right way. And this is way we've been doing it. And kids are needing to assert their own independence and say no. This is my way. And i need to be my own person and it's beautiful is important process but it's hard sometimes you know yes and i love that you titled this episode. Create the gold with your teenagers. I saw that verb. I thought oh that is so good because with toddlers did you notice the precious little things they say are the way they walk with their arms outstretched when they're learning how to walk and things like that. It's a with teenagers. they're still moments that you just notice really beautiful moments but a lot of in fe or proactive. That you kind of have to go after that relationship with them to build it to get those golden moments in your life definitely is that is the big word is creating it and sometimes it's hard to create it because sometimes they're not they're being very prickly or you just got some like conflict going on within yourself and within your kids and but there are so many ways that you can create it and i have been able to find some consistent things that really do work a definitely through trial and error like everything else but there have been some ways that i've been able to develop a pretty consistent sense that i can get a golden moment at least every day or at least by doing these other things So i'm excited to talk through some of those things a little bit with you today. Her effect will. Let's just jump right into your first takeaway so my first takeaway would be that. Tuck in time with. Teenagers is more important than ever. So when you think bedtime routine or you think tuck in time we think of you know helping them get their. Pj's on brushing their teeth. Snuggling up to read a book together sank prayers and kissing him. Good night and those memories are beautiful with my kids. When they were little and i have to admit i went through a time when their twelve thirteen and they're kind of finishing homework and i'm finishing stuff and they're like night and i'm like night and they go to bed and i realized wait. No that's not working. We need to still have tuck in time. But it's going to have to look a lot different. They can get their pajamas on and brush their teeth by themselves. Make heavens it's awesome. But when they get into their room and it's always a little different. There's not a specific bedtime. And i think that's one of the reasons. I sort of fell out of the habit for a little while. There was that there wasn't this certain time and i'd get going on things while they were kind of getting ready for bed and i wouldn't even notice that they were in bed but the last few years have been really consistent about going into their rooms and making sure to just have a small connection moment as they're just getting ready to go to bed sometimes it's just as they're heading into their bedroom. They brush their teeth. They're ready to get ready for bed or sometimes it's after they're in their bed but before i go to bed if i haven't had a chance to talk to him and they're still. I always make sure to go in and talk with them and all it is is. I'll just go in and give them a kiss on their forehead. And i always make sure to tell them one thing that i noticed that they did really great that day or something that i really appreciate about them and that has been just sat small point of connection. I leave the day feeling great about them. They leave the day feeling good about themselves and feeling like maybe their mom's okay after all which is kind of nice somedays and just it just adds that little sweetness and oftentimes. It's just simple and it's nothing special. It's just you're always kinda special but it's never anything big on a regular day to day but narrow moments when it becomes really really special. And when i can feel like okay. That moment was really really important. oftentimes is just ten to thirty seconds that leaves a swamp villain warm and happy towards each other. But there are times when it's been a rough day and maybe they've been really frustrated with homework assignment. Or maybe i've been really frustrated with the fact that after twenty five attempts to get them to pick up all the clothes on the floor and their bathroom they are still there or you know there are those times when you just are kind of rubbing against each other the wrong way throughout the day for various different reasons or where the kids have had a rough day and you know people weren't nice them at school or they got a great on a test that didn't like or whatever so ending the day just by saying simple things i mean. Here's just a few examples of some of the things i've said to him at tech in time i love how you work so hard on that assignment this evening. I know it was tough and frustrating. I know it took way longer than you thought it would be. But it seems like you feel great about getting it done. And i'm just so proud of you for persevering getting that taken care of so. I mean that's not saying like i mean i'm thinking particular incidence when i said this an it was definitely a time where this kid was really frustrated. Asking me for help and i was frustrated. Because i'm like. I don't know what the teachers asking for hearing. But anyway we wrap it up nicely by the end of the day and saying i'm proud of you for working hard and getting it done. You know you know another little example. I'm sorry i got angry with you. Today i was over tired. I was worried about a lot of things. But i still shouldn't have gotten angry at you. I love how you didn't yell back. Even though i'm sure you wanted to yell back at me. I really appreciate your patience. So just that little like yeah. We had some rough times but here we are together and it's good and we're going to go to sleep feeling great about each other. You know or just congratulatory thing. Like i loved seeing you run in that race today. I love how you put your whole heart into your races. The end kiss on the forehead. Good night yeah. Yeah and this is so beautiful. Is it is. It's something that you consciously before you go into the room do you think what could i say to them tonight. Like how do you even think we don't. It's hard to even put your finger on what you could say. I love you you now right. Yeah and i think it kind of grew out of you know some rough times with various kids and realizing i needed to feel more love for them needed to be looking for the good. 'cause you know how life is if you're looking for good things you will find them and if you're looking for bad things you will find them and with certain kids in certain stages it's sure easy to just keep seeing like. Oh there it is again. He left stuff all over the floor up there again. He's speaking root tone of voice rolling his eyes. I mean it's just easy to start kind of almost labeling our kids and looking for certain behaviors that were kind of expecting from that are bad so i found that in order to be the mom that i wanna be and feel excited about motherhood. I needed to be putting my you know changing my lens and always looking for something good so i found that as i made this a practice of doing this. Tuck in time which is equipped compliment. I was looking throughout the day for those things and sometimes i was better than others at noticing it throughout sometimes it's like right before i go into their room. I'd be thinking okay. What can i say for this child today because this was a hard one or you know there was nothing really special today. Like what should i say. But if i would just take seriously just a few seconds to think you know of course like with anything with practice things get easier. But now that i've been doing it really consistently it's become quite natural but i do not like it just always ready in my brain. I often have to think for a minute. Okay what something really great. Yes i mean. That's really at the heart of the flexible journal. Is that what you look for. You will find and when you start looking for flexible gold. You'll start noticing them all over the place when you wouldn't have even thought twice about them before so i love that with this ritual. I'm sure now you're much more aware of those things since you are planning to have it. Be part of your tuck in time later. So i think the emphasis is so beautiful and i will say that mind most precious golden moments that. I remember with my mom from when i was a teenager. Were at that time and that is an interesting. Like there's something kind of sacred at nighttime. I just remember particularly that she would wake up like after. I went on dates or is out with my friends. It meant a lot to me that she was waiting for that kind of you know. Tuck me in in here about my nights. I my mom has to way. When i was nineteen and at her funeral i actually talked about how sometimes i'd come in. Then i'd go into my room. Then i would here like the creek of her bedroom door and i knew she was coming to talk to me. Always you know those. Those bedtime talks are so precious to me. I remember times when i'd be up late doing homework. And i fall asleep with like my glasses on in my books. And i feel my mom. Take off my glasses and cover me up and turn off my light. Give me a kiss on the forehead and it just meant a lot to me to know that even as a teenager. I had a mom that was looking out for me caring for me talking to me and at night aware of where i was at the end of every day wanting me to be home with the family so i think it's so important what you pointed out about like this shouldn't just end when our kids are little because they still need us so much even teenagers and they often. That's often the only time that i really have that individual time with them and even if it's only thirty seconds or sometimes ends up being longer there remember one time i went into tuck in my daughter and just kinda give her pat on the hand and gave her kiss on the forehead and he kind of grabbed my hand and i thought i thought she was asleep but i just sort of sat down and she had some things she wanted to talk about. So i mean there's just you never know whether it's going to be something a little tiny just nicer whether it could be really important so i feel like like you said those those memories. I don't know how my kids feel about it right now. I don't think they would say right now. Like oh that's just so great that you do that every night but i hope that when they're adults someday they'll look back and i think they will have a warm feeling towards that and all those little flecks of gold will of added up to be something beautiful hopefully in our relationship yes absolutely and then what is your second takeaway okay so my second takeaway would-be to respect and get excited about their abilities and their interests. My mom taught me this. When i when i first got married said one of the most important phrases you can remember. Is that if it's important to them. It should be important to you and so that was awesome marriage advice. But i've definitely realized it's very very important advice for parenting as well so i've really made a point of making sure that my kids know like i think as parents it's easy to pull our kids into things that are important to us right. We want to share interests. You know. I've taken kids with me to do retreats and they. They've helped me with a lot of different setup and take down a different things and i mean they. I've suck them into a lot of things. I love nature of art. I love music. And i've brought them along for the ride and they've learned to love those things to which is awesome but as the kids get older. It's more and more important that they see that you really respect. What's important to them. So you know. It's wonderful to get excited about their games in their meets. I have kids that are really into sports to help them pursue their interests. You definitely get golden moments as you're just watching them you know do something that they love and work hard and you know performer. Whatever it might be. But i think that if we go even deeper into supporting their interests and passions than our golden moments get deeper and more beautiful and it means so much to them when we do something that maybe is not our favorite but Is something that we're willing to do because it's important to them so anyway. Add little story i could share about. That just happened last week or so. I am just a total wimp when it comes to doing anything where i don't feel like totally in control of what's happening to my body like downhill skiing. Not my thing mountain biking not my favorite and all these different things are are really hard for me and i happen to have been blessed with kids who absolutely love doing things that scare me to death. They loved mountain by can jump off cliffs and jump off waterfalls and they just are fearless individuals. They got that from their dad. Not for me. So i've always been involved in like i'll drive them up to the ski slope. I'll take him to the and bring them up there on the bike. So they can do the downhill enough to do the pill and i take them on hikes. Watch him you know. Try not to freak out while they jump and climb and do all that stuff on cheer on take photos and i think they have really appreciated that support. But i've noticed that what really creates the especially golden moments is when i push myself to actually try to do something with them or try to learn to do on my own little level something that they do and let them have the chance to sort of be the coach so last week we were down in southern utah and they were doing rancher crazy slick crock biking which they love and i walked with him a little part of the trail so i could video them cheer forum and see the crazy stuff they were doing but at the very end of our trip they were doing a trail that was kind of more of a tame trail and they said mom come through this with us and every part of my being is like no that is not fun. I don't wanna do that. But as my daughter can looked at me with her big is just come. Tried to steal a little bit and see if you like it. You know and i'm like oh i can probably tell you account like is like i'm going to try this so i went down the road and as i anticipated i was terrible at this and it freaked me out and i kept getting off my bike in my brain. I kept thinking. I hate this. I hate this turnaround and my daughter's like hey look i remember when i was first learning i just. It was really rough. You keep feeling going to get off but your bike is a lot better than you think it is. It can go over routes. It can go over rocks. Look watch me over roots and rocks totally find. Your bike can do that too. So she's coaching me through this. And by the after about twenty thirty minutes of kind of having her patients in her coaching i was able to go over rocks and roots and feeling like all you know. Awesome about myself and she's cheering for me. In feeling it was just a beautiful moment that we could share together. Because i was willing to put myself out there and she was willing to be patient with me and such a role reversal. Because you're always telling her later. I'm like no. She's an amazing cross country runner and i remember the first time i got her to go running with me. 'cause i always liked running and you know we got half a mile down the road. She's like i can't do this anymore. So hard my legs. Her you know and i was like lies. I totally remember. You know when. I had to coach you and you did not like the running and it's so cool now for you to be the one that's coaching me. And telling me to keep pedalling you can get over that route. You're gonna be fine. Don't get off your bike. you'll be okay and it was just beautiful thing. So i think as we really respect the things that they're good at and that they love it they're excited about and turn to them and let them be our teacher. That's where we can really have some amazing golden moments. I think yes. And i love this. The idea of turning to them and letting them be our teacher. Because i do think that that is what happens. When children transition into adulthood baby come are are equal our friend. I mean i'm thinking about my own relationship with my father and it means so much to me that he will ask for my advice on things now and that in adulthood has led to some of the greatest golden moments in my relationship with my father is these conversations that we have about politics and religion and he calls me and ask me advice on a different things going on his work. And how cool to that things that you to like you utah. Elisa had run or like you were first day out you know and now she is one of her gifts and she. I don't know but she could probably like run circles around do you. Yes i mean. That girl runs like mile after mile. Six minute miles. I mean she's crazy. Wow that's insane. Yeah that's so great. And i think about that with my dad because my dad was the one who taught me how to write edited all my papers in high school and now he sends me things and says. Can you look this over i need an editors i on and i'm like wow. That is so crazy that now. He's asking me to do so and so rewarding so so rewarding so i love this takeaway about respecting and getting excited and getting involved in their abilities and interests whether it's a shared interests that you have as well or not. Just go for it and learn about it with them totally totally and then what's your last takeaway. Okay and then my last one is basically talk less hug more and let them feel their feelings. Because you know what. There's a lot of feelings that are going on especially with teenagers and we're having a lot of feelings too but you know we've all heard about how important it is to do. Six second hugs and all that and often older kids get a little prickly and they're not really into the huck thing but they need it more and more and i've found when you just grab them wrap him into a hug they'll usually go with it and sometimes you have to insist. Some kids are just more naturally huggy. I have some of each. But i have found that when we do a little hug or little family huddle on their way out the door it just. It just adds that little moment of sweetness that they need when i give him a little kiss each night as little moment you know physical barriers and emotional barriers. Really go hand in hand. I have found as the kids grow up and so having that physical connection with them on a regular basis really helps them to be able to open up a little bit more to us emotionally. My oldest son is often college and when he comes home he just accepts that hug even though it's never really been his thing and he seems to just really you know it's just a given and it's something that makes me feel connected to him. It makes him feel connected to me and he does appreciate. I'll go and just like you know. Rub his back a little bit when he's working on homework when he's here at home with us and i can just see him like visibly sort of relax and then he'll actually opened up to me so the physical and the emotional is so important and i think sometimes we have so much. We want to say to our kids. We have questions to ask them and things that we need to talk to them about things that we're worried about. And if we just jump right into the talking or the lecturing or the asking a lot of questions. It doesn't work very well. I've found we need to. I put the physical stuff in place and then often that's when we can have those conversations that do need to happen and the less we talk often the better. And that's been hard thing for me. Because i'm talker and i've got all these great points and all these good analogies and all these stories to share but i've learned that sometimes the best thing i can do is just put my arm around them and just be quiet when you said that talk less hug more thought song from hamilton. And how we need to change the words talk less hug more d-notice i'm going to tell you about. Do you have any specific stories of times win. That worked with your teenagers when they were when they were upset. Yes so When day this is fairly recently my twins. They're fifteen years old and they got a they had gotten into a huge fight about something and one of them ran into the room and slammed the door so hard as like that door has got to be broken and he'd yeltsin inappropriate things as he was running into his room. And my initial reaction is just like. I need to go in there and be like. Hey you can act like this. And that's not okay. But i was like i need to hold myself back. I waited gave him some time walked in and of course he immediately says. I don't wanna talk to you. And i knew this was going to happen. I'm going to be durable right. So i go in. Sit down. put his arm put my arm around him hug him in tight and just say i know. You don't want to talk to me. I just need to give you a hug. And so he just is like what do you say to that. So he's just sitting there and he's kind of stiff in my arms but he kinda gradually relaxes. I just said look. I want you to know. I love you and i just want to listen to anything that you want to say. Not here to really tell you anything. So course he you know takes a few minutes kind of sniffling and kind of starts finally saying how frustrated with his brother. And i'm just listening is so hard all yourself back sometimes because you want to say well. That's not exactly true or we'll actually you did this but just be quiet right. Just hug and be quiet and then finally after he kinda got it all out. I just said look. I'm sure everything feels terrible right now. And that's okay. You're wise to take some time away from everyone. You disdain here as long as you need to do. But i just want to know i love you and just walked out and it just became this golden moment because i had done the right thing i had held my tongue. I had just shown up. He did not need to hear what he did. Wrong at that point. I'm sure he was perfectly well aware right. He just needed that arm around him in that understanding and so that you know half hour later he comes out. Hugs his brother. They talk a few things out. He didn't need me to explain anything to him. I'd explain things to him. They sat on the fighting bench together and work things out together since they were babies. At this point they know how to resolve their issues with each other. He just needed my love. He just needed to know that. I trust him. I love him. And i'm sure it's going to be okay. I'm sure he's going to in fact. You already done the right thing. 'cause you went into your room to be by yourself and that was a smart thing to do so you know just a simple little things like that can make a huge difference and create that like my mom gets me and my mom cares about me and she sees the good in me even when i'm objectively kind being horrible yes and i love that you connected that to physical do not just go in there and say hey buddy i love you but also offer him a physical connection of some sort a hug a little squeeze of the hand something to break that emotional barrier with also the physical types i think is really beautiful and wise exactly well sarah you continue to just influence me and impact me so much with your mothering. Advice near wisdom and if listeners want to hear more from you where can they access more of your wisdom online. Okay well just come visit us at power of families dot com all kinds of stuff. In fact a lot of what i shared today will be on a post their Arriving later this week so you can look there for that. Also if you what we have forty dollars worth of free resources e books lists of how to build a positive environment in your home stuff like that. If you just go to power of families dot com slash register you can sign up for that free member package and we'll just let you know in an email whenever we have new stuff to offer so we'd love to have you come visit us. Power families dot com. Where there any time for you right. Great will thank you. Thank you so much for in the inspiration for my journal. Honestly with that beautiful quote. That came at a time when i needed it so badly. It might new motherhood. And i still need it now. So thank you for everything that you've done even though you didn't even know it three and thirty so much. Thank you rachel you're awesome. I love seeing all the wonderful things. you're doing. Many thanks to sarah for sharing her insights with us on how to create golden moments with our teenagers. Right after i interviewed sarah and i went for a walk in listen to the recent episode from the notes in the backpack podcast via the national pta with that adolescent psychologist about surviving quarantine with a teenager. And i was amazed by how well sarah's takeaways lined right up with dr to mars so go check out that episode as a follow up and as a quick refresher before you go. Here's a recap of sarah's three takeaways. I prioritize tucking time with your teenagers. This can be as simple as going in to give them a quick kiss and a complement at the end of the day but prioritize a moment of connection with them at bedtime win ever you can second respect and get excited about their abilities and interests it's important to support them in their hobbies but also get involved and give it a try. Let them coach and teach you for once and it might lead to really beautiful moments of connection and third and finally and as a true fan of hamilton. I'm going to sing this one. Talk less hug more. Let your teens field big emotions. Try not to lecture them or too many words. They are upset. Just give them a little physical connection which will hopefully lead to more emotional. I know as we engage in these three types from sarah and will create many golden moments to be treasured with our teens. And i really do want to encourage all of you to reserve your copy of the flexible journal to write down this precious moments no matter how old your children are a mama. Instagram sent me this message this week and it meant so much to me she said oh my goodness rachel. I was just thinking about your journal and thinking. I don't need this. My kids are almost all grown and almost all left the house and then i realized that in two years they will all be gone. And maybe this is the tool that i need to keep mothering. And keep focusing on the good while they are here and then i broke into tears that our message from a mother who wants to treasure every last minute with her young adult children almost brought me to tears. And i hope that you too will feel the power of this journal to reframe. And refocus your motherhood no matter your stage of life. It's available at three thirty podcast dot com slash flexible gold. And i can't wait for you to get your hands on it my friends. You are doing a really good job. Your kids might not tell you that very often but it remains true. I am rooting for you. And i hope you have a beautiful week with your family.
183: Hormones And Your Relationship
"Was going on guys. Welcome to podcasting so much for joining us. Thank you for tuning in and listening to Seren. I interview the world's leading relationship experts. Psychiatrists psychologists, therapists and bring you this information that we are getting right alongside of you. We say it maybe not often enough. If you're a new listener, we are not experts are not doling hot the advice. We are getting it right there along with you, and we fight and we argue and we struggle in our relationship. But that's why we do this podcast is to get the tools and to share them with you and to try to do better. And if you guys haven't listened to one of our podcast from the very beginning. We kind of go and explain why we started the podcast, and it was exactly. For that reason we had gotten engaged, and we're looking for premarital kind of counseling, and we looked to podcast for that. And there wasn't really anything out there. And so that's why we started the podcast to to get this knowledge to help our relationship. And we're so glad that we're helping you guys on our journey as well. If you re are whatever one hundred and eighty or hundreds or we're gonna have to do like some sort of extravagance wondered, but intil then we're going to keep bringing new great interviews and today is no different where we welcome just Steen Cecile in. It was a bit of a different interview in one or a different topic in one that we both really enjoyed because Sarah's going to tell you a little bit about Justin. Yeah. We'll just seen as a functional diagnostic nutrition practitioner. Supporting professional women men who are struggling with raging hormones, even when they're on hormone therapy. She goes. Into a little bit about her work. And what she does and how she hopes people. And that's really what this episode is about when you said raging hormones just flashed to anchorman when he's like a miniature glass case of when Baxter, right? I know I I that's like raging emotions like a thirteen year old boy when I think of raging hormones, it's super interesting, and this is what makes us who we are these hormones and in just the complexity of being a human in we focus in and talk about how this relates to our libido. And I think it'd be helpful. If I didn't really know the working definition of Lido, but. Want to give it to you is a person's overall sexual drive or desire for sexual activity in his derived from the same Latin word, which means desire, and that's just put quite simply in according to Wikipedia, which I think is a good contextual synopsis before we dive in as sexual desires are often in important factor in the formation in maintenance of intimate relationships in humans. We know this nets. Why the Beato is important because it's just our overall sexual drive or desire in that is affected by our hormones. But as just seen talks about it's certainly a part of the picture, but stress is another huge element in in making this up our libido in. It's kind of. Huge topic. But in we just scratched the surface. But it's important things to recognize of how these things I think you have in natural the Beato, right? Like, some people it's higher than others, but stress kids your diet, all of these things are affecting it. So just Steen, Sarah. And I really dive into how these things all combined for a crazy. Cocktail. Glass case of motion. Hey, go guys. We hope you enjoyed the episode today show is brought to you by our online course spark my relationship. Create more passion, improve your communication and build a stronger more intimate connection with your partner in less than ninety days. We've collaborated with fifteen therapists and psychologists to bring you the strategies marriage therapists, teach their clients to unlock a special offer only for IT podcast listeners. Visit spark my relationship dot com slash unlock. That's spark. My relationship dot com slash unlock. Hi, just team. Thanks so much for joining us on the show today. All right. I'm very excited about this. I'm really excited talked to both of you just seen. We've given our listeners a little overview given them some information on your professional background. You are definitely a bit of a different guests. And we've traditionally have on the show, which we're planning to move more and more into this kind of topic in very interesting. So why don't you tell us in our listeners a little bit about yourself in? Why you enjoy helping people improve their ultimately their relationships from your unique background. Yeah. So. I I work with women predominantly and men, but in the ages of forty five to about sixty years old, so they're in that Peri, menopause minute, pas state, and what I have found. So I do a lot of diagnostic work, and I work with people with supplement protocols hormone protocols, but what I have really discovered really come to understand is a lot of what's going on with individuals during that time frame, I say don't feel really fulfilled and a lot of times they'll focus on work is being as being where their unfulfilled their life in general than go the way, they planned it. But honestly, there are five basic needs that everybody needs and bonds our relationships, and our intimate relationships are definitely very high on that, you know, that list of needs that we that we have and. So by working with individuals on helping them improve their relationships particularly intimate relationships, and it could be a spouse a partner or just an intimate relationship with best friend, even their life can just transform. So it's it's pretty exciting to watch how that works. Well, we want to dive into it. And I just want to point out is such an important point that like if you're feeling down or in the dumps like there's things that it's it's Manatt maybe necessarily your intimate relationship is the fact that you don't have any, you know, good friends outside of it. And you're not nurturing those kind of relationships or are you name it and one of the what we're going to talk about today is how your hormones are not the problem, and you alluded to this as far as not the problem when it. Comes to libido, and is often the case that someone might come in and say, you know, there's a rectal dysfunction, and then they're prescribed testosterone. Or you know, or on the female side. I'll let you fill me in in our listeners on in in how that's not the women. Get just us thrown to help with their libido. But Astra Jains progesteron to stop thrown that three primary. Sex hormones are often played with the help with Beato. So so you are you're you're doing fine fine to start thrown works for men and women to well, let's dive in. So what is someone coming to you for in? And maybe you can give a definition of the Beato because Sarah laughed laughter me. I can't even pronounce it. I was saying libido. But I know what it is. I know what it is. I don't know why I was reading it. And I said liberal, but tell me what it is, and, you know, scientifically, and then let's talk about the experiences, you're having with clients libido, basically is that that kind of desire to really get closed and phone row bull with somebody. And you know, generally, we're talking about physically intimate, but libido is just that you know, where your your heart races. And you're just kind of really into the other person, you become very focused, and and sex and physical intimacy, but also emotional intimacy all comes together at that point. And it's really nice though, about having healthy libido is that it's an indicator that your self esteem is being taken care of that your physical needs are being met your emotional needs met in your world is basically safe. Because when something's off in our worlds, we don't wanna be vulnerable. Right. So we don't want to be intimate with others. It's a reflection of what's going on inside of ourselves. And so with the Beato. In order to have a really healthy robust libido, you need to have a lot of things clicking place that you feel really good. When we have early relationships, you know, our libidos up because we're actually trying to attract the. The person that we we wanna get close to and so our hormones and everything will be really geared to help it track. And we feel vulnerable. We we give up secrets we share things because we're in that that moment, but as we go along in our relationships, and and progress, and so forth, we become closed off if we don't care for ourselves. Self esteem comes you know, it's kind of worn out where energy gets more that we need to have really gauge -ment with life and being doozy ass tick and have lots of physical and emotional energy. And then our libido our Bill our willingness to be vulnerable in close flourishes. So how does for our listeners who want to go the route that you're talking about and knock it on the medications of the testosterone? What's the first step? They can take to increase or to make their libido healthy in my own practice. There are. Times where where moons come in. I do hormone work. But I do it very short term because sometimes we do need to provide relief in order for the other things to be able to take place, but what we really want to focus on for the long term health of the individual. And therefore the the couple is for the individual to start to pay really close attention to themselves. Let at times we're in relationships. You know, when you're young you're you think about yourself a whole lot more. But as you get out in the world, and you have responsibilities at work and children and a spouse, your attention tends to go outward rather than inward, and we start to lose. Are you know, a lot of people think that being selfish is is bad. But I think if you're intentionally selfish to care for yourself that's going to help your internal south in your self esteem, flourish, and therefore you can be more present for others. So real quick before we move on. I have another question, but you'll have to excuse. My ignorance is is like a is that just a general catchphrase for your like these feelings? I always thought it was like a physical manifestation of your hormones, or is it a combination? It's a combination. The thing is when we're talking about emotions of any kind or, you know, feelings if you will there's going to be a chemical puck tale. Right. So if you are happy person, the chemistry that's in your that's going on inside your body is going to be made of different neurotransmitters and so forth. And if you're feeling angry, you're gonna have other neuro transmitters and and hormones going around. So it's always a chemical component. So in order for you to feel, you know, have a real healthy veto. Yes, you do need to take care of the chemistry. And what that means. Is you need to be able to produce those neuro transmitters and hormones that are necessary for that for that energy to come about. So you have to have it a healthy diet. You have to have a good detox. Vacation systems. So that you can clear out used or excessive old hormones neuro transmitters you have to have the ability to be able to utilize them. So in the case of say cortisol and thyroid they both sit and same cell receptors. And so if you've got a lot of stress going on you're not going to be able to get the thyroid in there because the cortisol is gonna have higher priority. And if your thyroid's not able to get the cells to do it's thing, then your metabolism's gonna slow down. Then you're gonna have less energy than you're going to not feel you not gonna feel like you wanna get intimate your libidos gonna come down. So there's a lot of little pieces to it on the other side, though, you do need a little bit of those stress hormones norepinephrine that Burnett friend because that's the excitement peace that comes in. When you start feeling, you know, really? Attracted to another person and so forth. So you have to have combination of those. But if you've got a lot of long term stress that's going to tear down the systems that you need in order to feel you know, sexually attracted to somebody else is also going to divert resources away from your sex hormones in general, so your estrogen your testosterone, and your and your progesterone 's are not going to have the resources that they need if you're under a lot of chronic stress. And so when we get to having to support those net that natural chemistry one of the things we need to do is for an individual to really focus on themselves. So they have to focus on their body diet movement enjoyment. Those types of things they have to start thinking about their brain. You know, having their brain pilling really healthy there. Being their spiritual aspects their bonds and their relationships need to grow. And and be cultivated all of those things need to come into play. And that's why one of the things I see a lot with individuals at this age. They've so many responsibilities. They have so many things that are pulling them away from themselves saying not valuing and taking care of themselves and their self esteem gets kinda warned down and as that happens, then they're going to be less able to initiate sex. They're going to be less willing to be vulnerable because it's a reflection of what's going on side of themselves. Did that answer questions? Yes. Yes. Everything is much more clear now for me. And and. Is obviously a complex. Topics. I typically in psychology, the psychological aspect of this. But it is such a interesting point that everything you mentioned it's holistic, it's, you know, people as it's not as simple as like my partner's not in the mood for sex or I'm not in the mood to be intimate. But it's like how stressed are you? What are you doing like you said to focus on yourself? So in within that all those things you mentioned, there's a variety of them and just being aware of that and self examination is so important. So are there any areas when when you have someone come to you like what's your approach because obviously someone can be truly deficient in hormones. They have abnormally low levels. Or there's someone which might be more common that it's fine. And they just need to work on this other stuff that you're mentioning. So like if I was coming to you like, I just don't feel like I'm feel like I'm having trouble in the bedroom or maybe a reptile dysfunction or I don't wanna be intimate. What's your approach what kind of questions? Do you ask in in? How does it go forward? When a client comes TIMMY, and when there and very very often, you know in this age group libido and sex drive is one of their main issues, they they always come in late issues. They come in with, you know, just not feeling themselves angry irritable, but low sex drive and libido is is definitely high up on the list. And so when they first come in all approach it very diagnostically initially will do some lab testing. And I. Get into their health history and how they handle stress going on their life. Now at what happened in their life earlier because things like trauma and excessive stress when they were younger or a poor diet when they're younger affects them as they get older. And so once we have this diagnostic, really depth conversation. And we have some testing that's done very broad spectrum. Hormone testing got help all of these things because gut health and neurotransmitters are very directly tied together. Things like serotonin is predominantly produced in the gut, and you need serotonin to feel good, and you know, and and be excited about things. Right. But it also is the precursor for militans so could cause sleep issues if your guts, not well, so we're gonna take a look at all of these different things. And then very targeted supplement hormone protocols get put into place. So if you do come in, and you have low testosterone, we're certainly going to help you with the two stroke and give you a little extra. But we're also going to focus on the reasons why you're low testosterone you have to start your own because it's maybe common, but it's not normal for you to have low testosterone as we age. We don't need the same levels of some of these hormones because we are not reproducing anymore. But that doesn't mean that. All of our drives go, you know, empty that's not normal. So. Basically, we go through this whole diagnostic piece put him on the protocols, but now we're going to be working on. Why is it that these hormones are not in place? And usually it's diet nutritional deficiencies got health is going to be a big problem, very often detoxification pathways could be an issue, but stresses is always issue. Not only is it an issue because of the external factors that are coming in. But because when our hormones are in balanced, and and and things like that are happening we're causing stress on the inside. Right. So we have internal stresses. Well, so we always have to focus stress and when we're doing that what we're doing. Now is we're trying to help educate people to be very cognitive isn't of their environments of for instance. In your house. Let's say, Sarah, you're in the kitchen, and you don't like the kitchen, but you don't really realize that you it's kitchen, right? You don't really think very much about it. But sub consciously there things about the kitchen that irritates you maybe the counters are too cluttered, or it's a little too dark a little too small. Maybe not organized the way you need it to be. And so every time you go into the kitchen, you are adding con distress to yourself, and you don't really know it in walks. Chase. Right. He's feeling really good because he just accomplished something. Now, you're both on a different kind of wavelength. But if we could, you know, fix the kitchen a little bit, maybe brighten the colors clean up. The counters reorganize it a little bit. And it feels like a better space. Now, you could feel like, you know, you're happier and their subconsciously, you don't even realize it. So now. You start looking at environments, but everything that's going on. However, you feel sick think of it this let me back off just a minute. If you walked up to a person, and if you're in a really bad mood, would you feel like complimenting them on how they look that day the clothes that they're wearing or the haircut that they got. Now, you might don't really feel like right, right? If you're having a bad day, but if you're feeling great and he walked up to somebody who isn't looking their best. You still might feel more likely to compliment them. Correct. Yeah. So the thing is is whether somebody compliments you or criticizes you it's always a reflection of what's going on inside of them. And however, you project outward, it's a reflection of what's going on inside of Hugh. So if you're really tired, and you're over stressed and overwhelmed and so forth. It's because you're diets not feeding you the energy that you need. You're not gain the nutrients in your environment is wrong. Or maybe you know, your self esteem has been wearing down. You're not pacing your energy, very well. We're taking on too many things. And so now, we're back to that self care piece. We've gotta start look. Looking at our world and making sure it's really safe for us to release the stress so that we can create those hormones that we want to those neurotransmitters is amazing. How much? How important it is to look at relationships and all things are life holistically. But I feel like our tendency is to not do that is to look at the surface in directly at the issue. And it might be like Saremi arguing a lot we need to stop arguing. Why are we arguing and but rather than being like, well like examining have we been stressed out is our three road not sleeping the last week because she's been sick. Instead of you know, saying our communication is often. And I feel like you're nagging me all the time. And and we kinda just went through this where? Just three recapping our last week. Like three was what cele- was sick. And she was not sleeping. She was super whiny. And and poor thing was just not feeling good in particular Sarah deals with a lot better than I do in. I. And sarah. And I had this conversation other days like, I realized our relationship, and I say this like not in a negative way. But was a lot easier in to maintain at a at a better like a quote better level before we had our kid, which is super common. I'm sure because it having a kid just adds another layer of stress to your life in. It's been something. I feel like I'm pretty self aware, but has been bit of a revelation to me in in something I'm trying to work on his dealing with the stress that toddler brings me and figuring out how to cope with it better. So that it's not negatively affecting our relationship, my relationship with my daughter and with Sarah because it does. But it's it's hard to like. Outside and like say, wait a second, you know, and and not just get in this cycle. And I'm sure that's what you see people come to you. It's like they've exhausted. What they think are the problems are like, I just might testosterone low, and I just need I need testosterone therapy. And that's what's going to help this but just taking that holistic approach, but I wanna tell you about today's sponsor I won't ever use it. But it's great. That's because it's brought to you by our glass cosmetics. I will definitely be using it use it every day. I swear by it. 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Discover hourglass like I did an experience unparalleled next generation performance by visiting hourglass cosmetics dot com slash I do and use the promo code. I do to get free shipping with your purchase of a full-size caution. Mascara that's hourglass cosmetics dot com slash I do and enter the promo code. I do. Yeah. The testosterone is a great first step to provide some relief. But if you don't take care of the root causes and the root causes maybe physical. But they're also in general very external. They're there. What's going on in your world? Just like, you just mentioned, you know, having children is that extra layer of responsibility. And in the thing is is every time we add responsibility, we generally pool away from ourselves because then the outside world seems to be more important. There are children's welfare is more important than our own. And so we drain our resources because we're trying to meet these responsibilities that we've put onto ourselves. That happens all the time. I'm guilty of it. I mean, it's it's not it. We always do. It's kind of what we're geared to do in our brains to we take on these roles, and we need to meet these roles. The big the big thing here, though is to kind of pull back into yourself. And and and realize that you are important, and and there's another trick about this. So when we look at stress like day-to-day things like your child being sick is if it's one a level of being sick. That's you know, very life threatening. That is a survive situation. Right. But let's say your child being sick who has a cold. It's not life threatening. It's just really uncomfortable. That's more of a strive situation. Right. It's like a day to day thing. Everybody's gonna get sick from time to time, but it's not really life threatening. Unfortunately, what happens in our world, very often all of us. Do this is we take things that really are day-to-day ups and downs hard, you know, inconvenient and so forth. But we we elevate the severity of it in our heads. And so now, we're treating everything as if it's a survive mechanism, and this is really important. When we're talking about hormones because everything remember your libido is going to be tied to this. Cocktail of hormones narrow transmitters if we're in this survive, you know, framework, right? We've elevated things to survive even when it's not life threatening. What we're doing is. We're turning on a stress response system. That's pretty amped up. And when we're in that survive mode, our body, and our brain will prioritize functions and processes within ourselves. So things like digestion goes down. We're not as efficient as they just seen our meals. If we're in this high state of stress, and the reason is is because your body says, hey, I don't find on digest this meal right now. That's not a big deal. Get another one later, but it will matter if I don't live, right. So if you're in this survey of state, your digestion goes down, and if you're gestion goes down a lot over time now, you're nutrient deficient. Now, you can't even produce hormones that you're looking for and what little nutrition you have in. There is going to be prioritized for stress hormones, certainly not to stop thrown or estrogen and progesterone. So you know, there's a priority. You know, we think of them as. Just there. Right. We eat we make them. But no, your body's going to prioritize what is going to focus on and do and digestion your immune system. All of those things go down when you're under a state of stress because you need other functions to survive. And so when your child is sick, or, you know, your car breaks down or all of these things it's fine to be upset and worried at first, but it's really really important for us to say, okay. Wait a minute. This is this is not life or death here. It's inconvenient. It's not comfortable. It's it's not ideal. But it's not life or death and try to teach yourself and your brain to really come down and do techniques help you calm down. So that you're in that state of being come more often. So that your body can actually digest the food that you're eating doesn't. How will your eating you can eat the best foods in the world all the time? But if you're in this constant stages of stress, you're still going to be malnourished. And this is, you know, we always talk about diets, and, you know, change your food that can make a big difference. But it's not the only thing that needs to happen when we're talking about nutrition and all of this is geared towards hormones. So I somebody who is listening, and maybe a lot of this information is new to them for some people, and he could be overwhelming with all the different things that they should try to implement like getting sleep better focusing on the things they eat or eliminating stress or self-love. What would you say would be maybe the the top two or three that they should have as a priority to kind of get this lifestyle change in this new this new way of life going for them? Yeah. No. That's I'm glad you asked because that's really really important, obviously when people, you know, approach me things have been going downhill for a while. They're very over, you know, overwhelmed and stressed out. New can't throw everything at them. This is why when those things about diagnostics, we're talking about giving people hormones at first I mentioned relief is because we need to just provide some relief just to quiet things down. So as an individual without doing hormone therapy, your supplements or things to come things down. What can they do is immediately just start paying attention to what triggers them and what extreme happy? So it's not about avoiding negative things. Actually, I'm gonna probably be one of the few people in the world that just loves negative emotions because negative emotions give me a lot of. Information they get emotions tell me what my subconscious is trying to tell me telling me what in my world is not faith. And so I know what to avoid in the future. So just by being a little bit more mindful about what sets you off. So for instance, for talking about your daughter being sick. And you know, you're being tired, and that's causing the two of you to have, you know, harder conversations not having as much patience. You can recognize that in the future, you can say, okay when I'm not getting enough Phlippe. I the to take more time for myself during the day to do things to rest, and it's not about taking naps per se could just be more breathing exercises, or it could just be, you know, checking out a little bit could be doing some meditation going for a really nice walk out in in nature or sitting on the front porch. But I need to pace myself not take on as much if I'm in a period of time where I'm enabled asleep. I need to rest a little bit more. So that I can have patience. So the first thing to do is just to really start paying attention. You can journ all this. You can however way that you can can really pay attention to what your sensory system is telling you so that you know, what to, cultivate, and what to avoid and then just focus on cultivating and avoiding things that trigger you where bring up. Your energy? Did that makes sense? Yeah. Absolutely. I think it's a great a great place for people to start who are looking to bring some more calmness into their life and in distress. So my background in how I actually moved into this area is I developed fibromyalgia in early nineteen nineties, but today, I'm not I don't have chronic symptoms. And I don't take any medication at all. But casually take supplements, but not for the Fibro it's it's more for because I went through periods of stress or something like I was in Thailand for three weeks, and I did a protocol to help me with bacteria and and stuff. So I don't take medication though. And how I was able to do the most improvement in my own, you know, in my own instance, with fibromyalgia were your your sensory system is really une, hyper awareness was being aware. And it wasn't being mindful per se, you know, ham paying attention to this moment. It's like a wait a minute. I don't feel good whenever I'm in a room full of air conditioning, unless they have a sweater on. So now if I walk into a room, and they have a lot of air conditioning. I make sure I have something that's on the back of my neck, and then I don't get triggered. So it's really about figuring out these things that can really activate your your threat. Right. Your stress response system, and what actually comes everything down. And makes you feel good and the more you do that the more your stress response system comes down. Now, you your immune system goes up. Your digestion goes up your good chemistry goes up. Also, it's very self empowering. And the more self empowered that you are the more comfortable you are with yourself. Now. I'm more able to be vulnerable because. I have better self esteem. And so now, I'm more willing to say things or or do things that I may feel more subconscious about if I'm not feeling good about myself. So now here comes you know, my intimate relationships improve. Because I am self empowered. I can influence my environments. I have a sense of of strength rather than being at the mercy of whatever is going on in my life. It's such a simple idea. It's obviously a lot harder in practice. But it's comforting to know that like the solutions to lot of our physical in emotional and relationship problems lie within and obviously there are you know, I can seek my way out of the flu all I want. But I still might have the flu virus? But there. The ability to pay attention in and like, you said pay attention to what triggers you and really. And then what makes you happy is so simple. But I feel like we don't do that nearly enough if at all in our lives in and one thing we talk about a lot on the show and. You've mentioned it, but mindfulness and meditation and how that comes into this. And just because that is that awareness of like, oh, I'm feeling angry. Where's that coming from and observing that thought, and then it we might not perfectly deal with it the next time, but we practice in the more we practice the more have that ability that when my daughter's wining rather than just like having this anger inside. And then taking that on Sarah. I figure out, you know, the breathing exercise helps me or I figure out a way to look at her more empathetic Lii and say, you know, poor little thing in she's just wants to feel better. And there's different ways to approach it. But it's got to start with the recognition that that something is happening in not being a victim of our motions or of our physical. The physical things that are going on in this incorrectly. And you know, you mentioned meditation, which is a really great example. So meditations when the simplest and one of the hardest things to do, right? If people get very frustrated with meditation because they can't turn their brain off. But if you really understand meditation, it's not about turning off your brain. It's about being aware of what's coming through your brain. And saying, oh, I need to pay attention to that. Now. Right. It's like, it's like, okay. Yes. I do need to go to the store and buy those things, but not now and letting him go in, and that's that's essentially what we're what I'm speaking about. So if my my children are grown up now. But if my son was crying and screaming, I could look at my son and say, okay, what in is world is not safe is it life or death. So I don't have to elevate. It. I can stay in the strive. This is comfortable. It's no fun. But it's not, you know, a survive moment here. So I can keep my own stress response down. And then I look at it and say, okay, what is world is not happening. What can I do to help him improve his world right now, or you know, support him his ability to do it. Sometimes it's talking through it showing them that. They don't have to be scared. You know, sometimes it's an aspirin. Sometimes it's a hug who knows? Right. But when we do those things more for we understand, what makes us feel better in that same situation. I love to use the example of children. So it's really great that you have daughter because when your daughter is at her happiest, right? She freely. Shares gives everything away hugs kisses, boo. Boos her favorite toy? Everything's good. Right. Yeah. But when something's quite not, right. Maybe she's a little on the tired side because she's been going to long or hasn't eaten something or, you know, something she's maybe she's just not comfortable with the people in the room. Right. Something's not quite right. This is where she starts to contract and pull back. Right. And and so what I try to tell adults to do is just like children because children will freely give when their world is safe. And then they pulled back and they're a bit selfish Rio. When when things aren't right, but instead as an adult, let's think of it more as being intentionally selfish. We gotta take care of our world, make sure everything is good. And then we can freely give to others we can freely bond and be with others the more that we take care of our world. So. In my in, my instance, with with my husband my husband's not a hoarder, but he is a boy scout. So he has the perfect thing for everything. And it has a tendency to to add up and me, my sensory system like things to be pretty minimal, and and clean and meet. Right. So we we don't quite match there. So in order for my world to be right? There are certain areas that have to be more my way, but in order for his world to be he needs to have areas that he can have this this kind of pile of stuff. Right. And so we've worked it out. So that we have areas that are more his areas are more mind. So that we feel comfortable within our home make sense. And so the more comfortable, we are the more comfortable, we are together, and that sets everything. Up for six in in. It's like a real world example of what we're talking about bringing back to the Beato. It's like be used this example on a previous show that you wanna have a better sex life. Well, if it makes your wife feel better more in the mood when the houses in order than she's her the beat goes more likely to be higher and ready to go. But a lot of times I'll use a throw the men under the bus here. But it's like we this is over generalization, but we want more sex. It's like, let's have more sex. But instead in his b a holistic look at it and your partner in this. This could go either way, maybe it's opposite. But your partner will be more in the mood. If you help get the house in order because that's what makes them feel safe. Like, you alluded to. Yeah. And we can disapply this to everything in our lives, and in our relationships that if we're able to look at it from from what is it thirty thousand feet rather than just zoomed in on. Here's the issue. Let's address it directly of what that issue is. Oftentimes, there's broader things going on. Yes. So the house could be all the way I want it to be though. Correct. T needs to have his space. If he feels you know in his world to that the house is his home because he has his personality and his needs met as well. So it has to be that combination. But you're absolutely correct. That if if it's too lopsided, and and it's not it's not there's no place for the person to feel comfortable in in their own skin. Well, if I'm not comfortable in my own skin uncertainly. Going to feel comfortable showing my skin. Right. It's it's like we we need to feel comfortable in our bodies in our minds and and stuff early relationships. I really early in a relationship is very very different because the chemistry is all about attraction. And so therefore we are very into opening up and trying to attract people in as we settle into our relationships over time. It's really about making sure that we ourselves are very very comfortable. So that we can be open invulnerable and really enjoy being with other people. But our relationships are very very critical for us. But they are going to be a reflection of how we feel inside as well just seeing that is a great place to leave this conversation. And and I have gotten a lot of great stuff to think about stuff. We've you know, this isn't. Anything new right? We all know this. But it's shoe proverbial. And we need to hear it. When maybe we don't all know this. But a lot of people know, it's like, oh, yeah. Like work on the broader things are thinking about these things. But we don't do it in for a lot of different reasons that we've talked about so thank you for sharing. All of this. Great information. Why don't we wrap up by having you tell our listeners where they can find you online. And then we'll say goodbye. Okay. Well, thank you both for for inviting me on because this topic is really something that has really become a very important aspect of what I do with my clients because it is such an a an important part of their lives. And and I've just a love being able to, you know, bring that more holistic approach to it dish into the diagnostic deces, but if anybody would like to find me, they can find me. At just eating say seal dot com. So my website is just just say seal dot com, and I do have Instagram and so forth. But Facebook is probably where I do the most of my my talking. So just just say seal coaching is where they can find me. They're excellent. Well, willing to your Facebook and your website on our show notes page on our website at ID podcast dot com, and our listeners can access all those links there. And again, just thank you so much for taking the time to come on the show guys. Hope you enjoyed today's episode as always all the links are in the show notes page as well as on the podcast description. And while you're on our website. We encourage you guys to check out our fourteen day happy couple challenge, we send you an Email for fourteen days with simple doable challenges to help strengthen and improve your relationship and on our website. We also. A bunch of free resources for your relationship. So we encourage you to check those out. We also have our love tribe on Facebook. We encourage you guys to join the tribe and be there for support for each other. If you have questions or just need, some relationship advice, we are all here for each other. The group has grown to almost thousand people, and we love it. So we hope you guys during that you can go to Facebook love tribe fam- and you'll find this rate there. And if you are interested in learning more about our flagship course spark my relationship, we hope you guys check it out. We have a special offer that is only four podcast listeners. So you can go to spark my relationship dot com slash unlock. And you can unlock that special offer and learn more as always thank you guys so much and we'll see you next week.
EP 28 - "Streetwise"
"Hey guys this me. Noah want more updates on the show go follow falls on twitter at f- finished were cast roy given everybody scoop also come join us on discord. Were active over there. Giving people the juice dietz interacting with people given them updates and just having a good time. If you haven't already be sure you check out our livestream. That's every monday at six o'clock. Civic time you can find out online at twitter dot tv slash fantasy. That's what we're going to play world of warcraft. Were on the road. Does level sixty baby which takes a lot longer than i thought it would anyway. It's pretty fun. I enjoy it think you would enjoy a stop by say. Hi and yeah competitiveness anyway. Here's rift walkers Who the party is once again. Split after briefly coming together vowel and seren the tag along from the wanderer are just outside the public house. Surrounded by magister magister. More than himself. Mic fron and research are a little ways not too far away at their meeting spot where they originally devised a plan to go to the parlor house and infiltrate the city and luca and leery in our good five hundred feet down the main street a little to the side. So you aren't in line of sight of this group of ministers and vow. I guess why don't you tell me where you're kind of situated saron as you at your feet. He's barely blinking awake. Oh he's conscious now. Barely you okay. I i mean i was just trying to escape so i am in escape mode che still attempting to do that if he's going to come after me then we'll see how that goes but morten doesn't seem to be making any moves. He sort of just kneeling in front of you. One of his arms crossed over his knees head cocked. One side inquisitive -ly condescending bastard surprise and he just said welcome back he then offers his other hand and then stands up. Thou- does not take it. He will try to like rouse. Sarah and a little bit k. Zahren kind of links. Swigs once i will stand attempting to help. Seren stand as well if he can. You are able to do that. Pretty easily. seren stands. He looks groggy mostly okay. He's a bit dazed. Confused as to what's going on. His kind of looks sees you off to size vow. What's what's going. And then he meets is with more than who's just smiling this devilish grin standing in front of you. His hands folded in front of his chest. Can bully so many terrible choices. I am going to cast phantasmal. Horse on morton j o. I don't forget that there's also a burning parlor public house right behind. You haven't forgotten magister. Fleeing and screaming out onto the streets on the edge of a nervous breakdown right now until the front door for comes crashing down leaving eight masters inside to be consumed by the flames right so fantasma force yes. He has to make an intelligence save. Which i think he's going to save but dc seventeen he got nineteen. I'm so okay. Does he do anything. So he doesn't take any effects from that he resists completely you kind of see him just like twitch a little as he knows that you just tried to do something to him and he then folds his hands behind his back and he just says how incredibly rude and i'll say was asking for you and then cast in visibility on myself and sarah in an attempt to run. Okay do expanding spell slots left and right so valley's able to cast visibility. Humbled himself answerin. Sharon is incredibly disoriented. You will only be able to move three fourths of your total speed. Because he's still a bit that's fine. I'll do what i can. I came back for him. So we can do. Now is not ditch him somewhere. The magister start to they've got their weapons drawn and they start to fan out and are frantically searching around and looking for you and you look back at all morton follows. His gaze follows your footsteps in the road. And he just stares directly at you and he just begins canning like and he turns on his heel. He walks back the way they all came originally cool. Great i'm so scared of them. At this point if ron is still on top of a roof reese and mick are in this little hiding place and you hear this commotion as a large explosion. Kind of ripples. Back through this alley. Now at front saab mic jumped down. Yes since i saw reese yes so he knows where okay before he two hops down. He's going to look over and see what the commotion was if he can see what he can make out. You just see a burst of flame and smoke coming from where the public houses. It's not hard to guess. What's going down there. Okay with that a fron then jumps off the building down towards reese and mick simpson so you are in this little clearing the backyard backsides of different houses and hubble's and apartments. Swear you were well. You haven't been here before but mic and reese were before it with the group he looks at reese and mccain says it is good that you made it out of there have do we know the others are no idea. Was anyone still back there. When that thing went up. I do not know the fire could have been caused by one of the ministers but it could have also been caused by on the us and one person springs to mind. Well he was not there. When i left the only person left. Sarah don't suppose he could have done this but we better check. We should check. But i think it would be a good idea to disguise ourselves and check discreetly if anybody is there are outnumbered them greatly. Do you have anything that could help. Perhaps an all biggers outfit or something. Of course yes let just go knapsack and they come in give you big yourself does make change form. Yes i do. I get a alpha al. That's kind of like for a man and just kind of like a basic or trowel thursday. And then i transform into he lick man so similar to what make usually looks like perfect. You three are able to track your way back through the alley as you come to a sort of second little clearing you. Hear some clanking boots as a magister enters opposite of you at the exact same time running alongside the public house and it's an alleyway so he sees us pretty clearly. Yes it's like. Your alleyway goes into the little square backyard thing and then there's the other alleyway that the magister came down which runs parallel the public house. That is burning. Keep walking acting cool. What is looking like right now. You have your plate armor on right now but it's kinda shrouded in. He has his face covered. And not like babushka type thing. But i don't know almost like a turban rap but for his face like how would imagine it. The beggars shroud looks like but it's got the mouth cover as well and it's kind of hanging low. Basically to hide as much of his mask as possible. Gotcha as that. Magistrate greets the three of you. He goes one moment. Who are you all. Name's kelvin role performance or going any. That's a fourteen all right. That is a one on insight so keep using those days. Calvin you say yeah. Did you see any suspicious. Individuals go through the three of you suspicious. Ao criminals of the law outcast from the church. Oak madrid is us. Seen genius thing like that here. Jews me mcadoo buddies. That's brownlie there. He says men motioning to greece and brownies. A mute beneath his match. His mouth open to say something is silenced instantly royce. You kin took it from greasy. Don't see much new more because then again him being new kenny. Who yaser brownie here. He he keeps a lookout. Keeps me safe you after bum leg. Get around too much anyway. No we ever seen anybody else year and you any points to make. Oh yeah yeah no. I haven't seen anybody. I've been with my companions as my good friend. Alvin said where you both from why you threshold and so close to this disaster room. Do you have any sort of identification cygnets done. But you can ask lookers. They've been around these bertrand greats dame so you want on the claimed then forgotten that i belong to sarath just as a side note while this whole monologue is going on recess kinda like coughing a little bit into his sleeve and he's kind of like going up to the wall acting like is a little bit sickly just getting away from them but he's kind of positioning himself behind the magister. Okay the magister. Kind of puts us hand tortoise belt as a francaise by value on earth. who nunu. i'm a. I'm a devout men. Just felons emerge james. You know he's her. Dad's been going back since before the war. Anyway roll the section please or performance you can choose rely on that role. That's four one cleese. That's a three john. All rights. that magister kind of relaxes a bit. Well he looks at a fries. Well we've all felt it drove ovary right and he looks over making says a new signet otherwise anything and he holds out his hand. You're a you disguise yourself as a boy. Yes younger older than me. Younger than gerland. Here's a member of my own house. Both of you have no forms of identification. You see it's dangerous work in these streets. You never know when somebody's gonna cost you take all your stuff wet little you have so we keep it in a safe place. I can show you there if you'd lake. You can't see his face through his visor. You can tell. He's just a little like flabbergasted. He's like as long as you can as both a show me that you on not the forgotten new moosh definitely nurture and bromley fellow and he kind of looks around and then looks over to where races coughing against the wall. Ground lease been loyal to me sometime. He's not forgotten not by me. Nor by the gods well. I can't allow you to come any for this way. The has been to situation on the side of this public house. Sees her if leads. Were more people like you. Keep it the citizens of this famed city safe. Yes very well carry. Please leave from here immediately. Though i must ask bromley garland yes. Yes grab puppy. Come here garland. And he whispers to my. Name's mick garland you whisper assume very low reward one outer still on the voice. Yes perhaps we can lead into our estate or where. We're we're living. And i need that. Health is really lovely. Glumly will take that as a. Yes if if you would please relieve magister of is weapon and his consciousness. Lots so then walk finally. Is this attacker strength. This'll be strengthened attempt to knock them unconscious all right twenty three. I will allow you to knock him unconscious. Okay then yeah. So reason behind him swings the pommel of his great sword at the back of his head and you smashed into is tin can helmet. And you hear this ringing as the magic shutters. And then waivers and then falls flat forward. Okay seeing this. Make a drag some countess side and removes his magistrate clothing. And do we wanna time up. Obviously okay okay. Okay tie up his risks and his ankles and also put a little scarf around his mouth. Okay you spend a good five minutes. Removing his clothing his plate armor has gauntlets has boots his helm and then tying him and gagging him. We're gonna go to luke and laron who are running up the road. Yes yes i guess. Luca following leary and running up road. At the moment of this explosion. The distance distance. He is yes. They're both running toward the road there k. So you make it back to the main road after a quick jog and you see that there is just magister activity everywhere. They're kind of breaking off down this main street. They're still good five hundred or so feet away but you see them fanning out and whatnot and i will say that at this point. Vowel sees leary and luca. Come onto the main room okay. But we can't see val right correct therion kind of seeing the smoke and the the magister as well he stops luca like we need to find the others but it may not be best for us to go in. There seems to be a lot of them. I might have an idea how we can find and you hear leering mutter some words and he summons a local animal like a bird so had fit in with the local wildlife and he turns to it and he says find reese scout the area report back and goes and flies away. It can't necessarily report back. I don't think you can speak but also lead me back back. Well maybe the archduke can kindness anyway. So leering you summon this local bird and he says let us find somewhere to hide until it comes back. Luca turns to lear. Ian and he says i i cannot fight these men as i thought was just seeing that more than most play with us. I don't think we can fight him with conventional means. I have to leave. But i'll be able to come back to you short. They'll find my way. Luca's going to run down a couple of alleys and he's going to use his class feature thieves. Can't that basically means. He can relatively quickly pick up the local underground vibes of any citizen. And he's gonna go find something special to bring back to the group later. There are plenty of underground vibes and threshold. You wait are we actually in threshold we are. You are not inside the actual city walls. You're in a part of threshold. But it's like within the outer city slums separate designed to make sure. So after. Lucas said this to leering. As he's running he says luca weight and a missing. Luca does not stop and he does not stop and soon as out of sight. He cuts down an alley. You seem like stare at a wall for a sec cuts down an alley and who's gone. Leering tried to follow for like a second. Then he's just like last and he just goes to find somewhere that's not where the magister is. Our at this point value will have reached them. Both of them are just leery just leary and because look left i will go. I have seven. I'm invisible. Don't think i wasn't panicked a little bit. You jump a little bit. we're going you know that's a good question. He wanted to share that information with me. Either or it will should we perhaps frenzy as working on it. I met sure they went. But i have a spirit working on it. Okay well perhaps. We should duck into an alley. Because i think the longer invisible as long as they have a so on me. I think that's a great idea. That's where i was heading anyway. All right i'll drop invisibility on myself in san surin is just like what is going on. What is marion. He'll save good. Good the wonder yes. yes yes. He'll be pleased. Where are we going are waiting for word from your messenger. We're trying to find a place to be secure more. We wait to find the others. What do you mean the wardrobe. We pleased that you're not dead. Why me specifically well any of you but it's no matter. That's i'm sorry. I'm flustered to be honest club. Yeah you both look like you've been through a lot you look like you haven't been through much hasn't been through. He's ready to go. You know he was gonna provide support and then all the sudden. He's in a kitchen. Five hundred feet away. St louis look. I haven't been to threshold too many times. I've been here enough in cutting down. Any old alley isn't gonna help us. We could easily get lost in the side streets and the middle of the street. If we want to find them may not be as safe but best be somewhere. Easily young reachable. What would you suggest this may go against every grain and my body. That's telling me not to do this. But the closer to the city the better they will. Let's go i now know. Please don't give me. I would not dare go inside the walls without them. We need all of us to get through the was it will just compound in difficulty but if we can meet somewhere near the city walls near the city gates that we can lead the others to when when we find them dow will be best very. Well let's head out and you hear leering mutter some words and then all of a sudden you kind of feel almost like a stealthy by you a level to spell slot with passed without trace you take one strain and they can track euboea match. Right be intent the intent. I don't know better yeah. We'll just know that his thing did call them to be all like. Yo w taft. A guy walking again. We don't actually know if that's what it was or if it was the collection of everyone in seeming disguises with phantasmal very horses really rough maybe a bit more roundish but i would also like to take another one in half strain for something bird. Yes so after. Leeann utters those words. He leads the group forward towards the city of leaning on sarah's guidance for ways to get their certain roles of sixteen for stealth want to be stealthy just sort of inconspicuously blend in with the crowds. Was that his plus path sanitizers. Wow that was And nine that's a pretty good roll around seventy thirty one actually eighteen months sixty so you rolled heat. We wrote a six. Oh pass without trace so seren val and laurean are working your way toward threshold proper. This main street has sort of started to regain its activity. Sarah advises you to avoid the areas that you were in before and kind of just work your way around and the loop back to the main street heading toward the gates but even after that looking behind you and seeing where you know you'd blown up this public house. The fire has now been quenched. The magister 's seemed to not visibly have a presence there and people seem to be carrying on as they were before only within thirty forty minutes at this point val has completely shut down. he is on autopilot following seren and laurean but saying nothing just kind of like staring berry blankly at the ground as he walks in this time as reese mic and on have pilfered a set of magister close robes and armor and work your way out of the alley. What do you do okay. So who's putting on the magister. 's are i was thinking that i might i assume neck. Yeah because then. I could take on the face of the person who was this fine. That's fine did we actually get that guy's name no let also you guys know that mix gonna just nail the whole like voice impression. Oh jason how are you doing today. That's fine just introduce yourself. Magister garland or something. No matter this go into poppie's again well okay. Well mic is putting on the armor ephron goes and finds a couple of pieces of reuss binds them together to make entry crunch beggar thing k. So here's a thought because let's say that somebody finds his guy who just bend up. I forgot to say like a dumpster or something. I wish but since i didn't say that tension somebody finds With any of you like to readjust your disguise so that he isn't described us. Larry assume that you franz merely battled man makeup. So yeah okay. So reese actually is trying to convince frolunda's he's making his crutch that we need to kill this man. He takes him aside. Sean we cannot let this metlife. We have found him for now. Yes but what of the others when they find him he releases himself cannot have fallen us. But the lewis by the time he comes to we will order the threshold. We in simply be faces. Corral of millions you will not find the civil not follow us if we keep our wits about this so i believe the first priority to find the others in the proceeding threshold. Does anybody have any idea about how we can find him. I haven't the faintest idea. I would assume that they walk into the destination. Everybody keep look at here. I will go onto the roof and see if i can find any industry where the others might be. We may be able to enter the city with schools that might be best to find seren e could probably this easier agree and even if we could get in. I don't think we should separate ourselves. So after the hops up back onto the roof trying to get to the highest point that he can to see if he can look down and ascertain the whereabouts of the others. all right perception pleased with advantage. Maybe maybe he can see that same chip in the brick. Wow to these are the worst. I've played the dice. Don't let's three total. You climb back up to the top of this roof but your vision is impaired once more as you take in a big inhalation of smoke from the chimney hang jimmy but it smells good they must be cooking a roast. If ron scuttles way back down. He climbs down to see face covered in smoke. Of course he didn't see anything. It is part of the disguise kind of structure shoulders agreeing to simply proceed. Woods the gate of mic. I believe you should go first as you're the one in the measures disclosing recent. I will follow you from a distance. I do not think this wise to go directly to the side roads alleyways. I think this is fine if anybody what you are doing simply stayed you're about magister business. Which has no business bears unless they are imagine. Though then you are wrong very well done. Let me know of anything goes down and keep yourself hidden if so all right then. If ron and reese pleased role for stealth macro performance not twenty yeah my performances also like shoe anyways so i got five. I got eleven kingso. Five and eleven. So reese and fron as you tale behind mic through these smaller streets not the main thoroughfare or even like the more populated streets. Make you don't have to do anything. People will literally part off the street. If there is a crowd they will move to the side and hug the walls until you are past. And then recent if ron you kind of have to pick your way through them and that's why you're a little less stealthy because these crowds pay absolutely no attention to you and are rather rude. It will take your group forty five minutes to get to the nearest threshold gate and it will take val leary in and seren thirty minutes to get to the nearest gate. When it comes to the entering the city of threshold there were only like four. Entrances like north south east west and then inside threshold has dozens of interior walls and gates and things such so val sarah in seren kind of turns behind the two of you when he says that we should be coming upon it pretty soon. I mean if we're gonna wait anywhere you probably find a good place around here outside. The gates. Lot of market goers sort of peppers and sellers and vendors converge trying to get into the threshold markets each day those of course that don't make it. They sort of just try to sell their wares out here. I'd say for the time being we. Masquerade is summer interested parties and just work our way around. See we can find if you're not opposed to the idea. Sounds like a fine plan to me. I liked to look around anyways. Perhaps val not quite sure if you'd be all too comfortable with that being in the midst of humans and whatnot. But i don't know. I don't think anyone's quite clever enough to see through the sky row. Looks like he is on the verge of throwing up and just kind of like links backed himself. It looks at series inside. Perhaps we should find you a place to sit down leering. You see that in right over there and he points to a nearby street corner. there's a mildly populated in. And you you see an in. It's sort of a ramshackle building that kind of folds its second story kind of folds forward on top of the first one just a tiny little bit and there's little swinging sign with a wrought iron piece going across and then a copper and villain it says the copper advil clever little flags on top of it. And you see that there are just some patrons outside at standing tables and then there's a little hustle and bustle on the inside. I think i'm gonna take balance. We're gonna find a place to just sort of sit down and rest in there. Looks to the doesn't look popular. Trust say nonchalant bit you know and then When when you see the others wanted to come find us vero bow if you please go. Why don't we so seren comes up to the copper advil and kind of holds the door open for val to go inside and he looks around. There's plenty of empty. Tables is like once you get one. And i'll get you a thing of water something combinations unless you want something stronger. I don't know what you what you can elite. And he's like don't so sorry so i'll just crippled and he turns and he goes to the bar and he waits and inordinate amount of time for somebody to notice him because he's very assertive vowel. Go sit at a table. And just like put his hands on the table and put his face in his hands. No one bothers. No one gives it more of a ptsd or a shock. Type thing has happened previously. Oh this has never happened ever interest. Is this going to scar constantly forever. And if so is it more or less than seeing. That guy gets stabbed randomly ought to know. That was very busy two days since he met you val ever killed anybody. He has not seen a lot of people died. Recently vowed in did cause the death of at least one magister. Yup you're unsure about the remainder. Were inside the burning house. Sarah returns with couple mugs of water. A might not be the best and he hands. You one about takes but doesn't drink. He just kind of stairs liquid. I'm going to just to see if i can find a restroom. A chamber something non. I'll be back in a moment and sharing gets up. And he leaves you. As reese and if ron are working their way behind following mick who you steadily approach the thoroughfares that leads you back to the gate. You're not on a sort of main boulevard road. What you're sizable road sticking to the edges. Because a few carts and handcarts pass through the middle. And at this point. If ron and reese you feel hands clasp on each of your shoulders respectively from behind who there he turns and he sees luka behind him basically the same as it came out of nowhere kind of he was just walking behind you but deluca is a slight on extravagant fellow less. Tv coverage someone up rapier. So just just me. I'm glad i found you though. Let's be honest. It's todd someone's walking around with a mask. The city good was covered. It is covered. That was out of character. I thought it was either way. His face is still covered. Which i'm going to guess is not a traditional bedouin tribe. Are we know you have a plan to the city dropping the voice for the plan as it stands as thirty to the others and see if we can get in saddens way if that doesn't work has recently obtained some magic those clothing and reese kind of pointing down the street aways to where large group of citizens has just completely parted to let imagine through kind of points that it you see. That's him there. So upon seeing reese you know like i recall specifically that vow also had an idea we could use the city frequently find them. We might be able to enter without as much but commotion. Yes do you have any idea about how we could find them at this point however there are three individuals in the middle of the street ahead of you. Kind of burly gentlemen sailor tattoos and whatnot carrying some wooden clubs that lock mick from going any further they do not stand aside and one of them kinda just shouts as you stop or continue to approach by veils on. Why don't you come here. We can show you a good old time. Take off that tin can and we'll get you beat in any kind of just like rings. His wooden club in his hands for your reference. Chris sons pretty nasty things so anyway was keeping an eye out. Obviously you know sneaking so. He notices the three burly blocking the way and he says to recent lupu. I believe we can figure out the planned after we deal with this problem. He says motioning to the three burly gentle to the three of you. Then come behind mickan. Stop reece's plan was just to kind of keep hobbling. Until he was behind them. The classic slice him in the back. That actually is. Because i mean nobody else paying us. I mean that. Was lucas plan as well. So i'm not i'm not against it. You will the rest of the street has kind of given. I guess this seen big cudgel guy walking down. You're probably just like oh. Yeah everyone's like nothing to see here. Go into their shops or go down different streets or mind their business. The four of you are sort of is located okay. The front stations himself kind of on the sidelines and he finds a nice little so that he can throw it later. Luca is going. Try to walk past nonchalantly as if he's like a tough guy you guys deal with your crap. I'm not moving on my way for you. So he's not walking straight through. The group was like walking on the side but he's not avoiding the empty circles. Well you catch glare. But that's it cool. What's recent and at hobbling behind. He's sticking to the side of the street. Like i'm assuming they're kind of like in the middle of the road right. Yes but it's not a wide road all right. He's like kind of got a hand up on one of the buildings kind of coughing hunched over. But he's walking until he gets past where the three men form this blockade and then he's going to kind of bend in go behind the closest one to him as you reach their line. The one closest to you kind of nudges. The one the big one in the middle points as cudgel at you and Walks over and he puts a hand on. Your shoulder is like a new coming in. Come here and he tries to kind of pull you towards the middle of the road. Reese allows him. He like coughs and his acting like a little feeble. I was really hoping he was going to say wrong. Move and then slash now. He doesn't have a sort out right now and he turns to the big one in the middle bores. Look this one. And the one that has been addressed. As boris who was threatening mic. Just a second ago and says. Yeah you there magister. Protect you the people are you. What if you say. We want this little she now to threshold. What were you going to do about it. Her give him a wack. Then and the little guy who dragged. Reese overtakes his cudgel and he smacks at reece's knees. Here's a coming from the back of the knees or four the back okay. That's not bad but still don't wanna pulls out a glock. Hopefully you like that. Hold up the glock. Mows down mechanically. What does that do as far as damage like my phone or something you are on your knees so yeah prone sure same mechanics as ramage wise. Did it just knocked me down. Yeah just knock you down all right. recess still kinda going with it. He's just waiting to see how far they're going and boris steps forward kind of puffs up his chest he's like within two feet e you now making these like come on bail san mak- move gentleman. I don't mean to us. i wanna make a raft. Other people like come everyone. You see some lady like look at you through window. And she's like closes the shutters threshold a hard place but you hear the slight clack of a makeshift wooden crunch stones bramley. That's where you enough to romney exactly. And he starts he starts hobbling up towards towards the others the little string bean guy. That hit reese behind the knees. Kinda goes forward to a fron. It's like puts his palm against your chances like now now. Further old time and then fron using the hand. That's not on his crutch smacks zanu. Easy mayor do is we. I've seen more in my lifetime than you could see in your lifetime. I've seen the qin take may friends. Reme- throw choked with their bare hands. What have you seen. You've seen the back side of the pig fellow not showed you see you know nothing about what i've been through. Now you let me get to bramley vision. Stint he kind of over at boris and the other cudgel wielding thug. And they kind of snicker to each other and break out laughing and that's really do here. Boris looks at mc the magister. Any kind of takes his club and he just like holds it above your head because you're shorter than him a little bit. He's a big fella and he just like kling kling kling taps it on your head three times like yeah no with time voice. Let's get on with it. And they just push past you shove you rather forcefully and then continue along the road if you don't stop them nope if anyone was paying attention to the luca they would see that he very gingerly wipes something off of the dagger he had pulled out and he places it back into his sheath dunno know he's was crap from the street. It was dagger into the into this dirt on the ground. I rub it around for a bit. I just poked him in the back of neck. Sepsis will get him and so also. I'm not sure what. I was going for with the whole. You've seen the big fellas backside. American expression with i was when i was going off that guy. I don't know what that means like. not he knows. Obviously he's not worth our time. So at this point walking forward and entering the market. it's pretty easy to spot leary in and then it vow if you've allowed sarah and he's kind of ushered you outside. He thinks maybe a table and the share with this a little catatonic at the moment. So you actually like you come up to the corner where you are in front of the market and you see leary in kind of going through some stalls acting nonchalant and then literally right to your left. Is sarah val just sitting at a table. Couple mugs admitted that moment a crow comes down lands on leary and flaps its wings twice. Looks toward the group and goes
May defeated again: how the government whipped against its own motion
"Hello. And welcome to coffee has shown suspect dating and sometimes more than Davy. Pulisic's gust. I'm Katie bills. I enjoyed by James Saif ame- alive in the Hesse comments. After a second dramatic vote. This week off the trees May's Brexit was fake to Dan NAS night. NPR's today was supposed to be given a free vote. A well want to try and take no deal off the table as an option have things didn't go exactly to plan a backbench amendment cooling food, the government to rule that new deal more explicit temps poss- by fool, but s- and that point the government then changed its whipping procedure touting MP's to vote for over overall mission James will exactly happened. But is a very good question on several government Allston themselves. So currency bone on them last night because the government's motion seemed to be just ruling out no deal. Emotionally naive. Not no deal. Forever. Benjamin the day. Karen's Bowman she said she wouldn't move the amendment, but because she put the amendment down with other people those other people could move them. So evect Cuba museum, which says that the house would not support no deal anytime anyplace, but vote pawns by four votes. Then what happened is the government's motion as amended was put to a house, so including the Spelman amendment hours government said we're gonna whip against us because we don't want to take want to say off the table on the twenty ninth of March. We didn't take off the table for good, which essentially all hell broke loose. You had at least forms of cabinet abstain on the motion because they didn't want to vote against and get sacked. But they also want to indicate they didn't support keeping no deal on the table. You had Seren Newton woman is to resign in the divisional bees. And the government was then if. Zabad quite significant margin. So the house comments has voted to not support leaving vow to deal in any south Antonsson any time. Now, this doesn't change the law. But it does send a clear message that the house Coleman's isn't going to support this saying straight off about vote Theresa May announce an extension vote tomorrow. So a VO onto extending fifty comes with two palms. One base says two peas if you pause my deal in the next seven days, I'll go to European house and just negotiate short technically extension to get legislation for if you don't we will have to have a longer extension, and we will have to participate in the European actions. It is quite clear that we're gonna have a third go getting Theresa May's vote through by this time next week and respects weeks time, we might be standing out here. That's great night before we got onto what that means with the article fifty possible extension and the into the vote tomorrow. I think it's important to look at one of the government's. So that wasn't amendment that was put forward by Euro-sceptics day, and it was based on the multi compromise. Which is that you repeat v such groups favored option that comes to getting some full of Brexit deal will manage no deal, and this amendment was basically suggesting the aim was to show that was support in the has comments for foam of managed ideal. If a deal can be agreed that didn't go exactly to plan to not going to go hundred sixty full votes. If you look roughly just on the hall, consulta Ponant party voted for what I think is interesting is thawing cabinets was by my count backed it. Jeremy hunt such Java. Davin Williamson Andrew let's him on penny Modin, and you could say some of these names each mentioned. Do you have something in common? It's not just have someone invasion the Brexit referendum. Some the machines have leadership ambitions of you. People will see the vote like that of the other of those closer than would argue with. This thing is has some potential to unite the Tory party, which appears to be in danger of of species under. I mean, the problem again get into all of these problems of a of the whole along in about Brexit, which is easy. You have repeatedly said we won't do Mulhouse, but lots of people England even the cabinet thing. We've never really said we never really frightened walk away from the table and said, but his Morehouse if you're interested, and so again, all comes spokesman, I think you see this in the votes of no deal, which is if you will go into Goshi in the only deal way with your opinion, you would have a governing haughty with a whopping great majority that could basically say we can do this week and do that we can be confident that we can carry. In the house of Commons for whatever we want to do that will give you the strongest negotiate. Instead, we have a hung parliament with a an extremely weak promise promise to even really think about sacking cabinet ministers who abstain on free long whips, and and they're all the negotiations on. Okay. Well, do you think this is a night, which is actually revealed the reality of the situation, the high succumbs because when you look at what lots of Brexit have wanted touched in that with things like the moat has compromised as long been view that trees my hasn't off to the right things that she hasn't managed to Fratton idea as a reliable. We'll even real risk that you came might do it. But if you look at those votes tonight, we had eurosceptics try and win support for that plan as an idea. It didn't go that the support of half the conservative party, far shoots gang close to a has accomplished majority. Meanwhile, Theresa May's no deal motion was deemed to be not strong enough. We saw a majority of MP's. These different even stronger version of idiocy is in some case vindicating number ten strategy of vindication. Russia would beat would be to kind of get hard to sing. There is some grand plan behind recent development do think tonight about so mean, they have a better chance of meaningful vote three in essentially, it is become clear, but with this house of Commons if trees still does not pass Brexit is only gonna get softer on. I mean that I mean, frankly, that's obvious for a wall of in. The question now is how many Brexit is would prefer the phrase that some of them right to use to see everything done in the daylight. They wanna all done in the open they want. They want to the ways in which Brexit has been betrayed or how many of them think actually leaving your opinion is really important. So let vote for threes may deal split its imperfections because it gets out of and that brings us back to man, we discussed on the podcast last night, Jake smog, and you. Made the point James that in in his reasons voting down the deal on meaningful vote to and v two. He seemed to himself a ladder to climb Jacob's ladder. He made the point that at the moment. He didn't want to support this deal. It was fluid. If Brexit mcpike was genuinely in peril and not offensive frat than it might change. And he and other Yoji Memphis could back. Do you think this is point people like Jacob small look at the situation and say Brexit is in peril. I think they're all songs that is beginning to happen today. How different the mood was off. Trees lost the first meaningful two hundred thirty bucks. But those against it warrants in any way, apologetically had a party. Indeed, this vote this morning more. I was struck. Several people said to me while the the Cox legal advice main things impossible for us or we can't vote forever DP on supported, and I think they're on science. The government is making some progress with the DP, and I think tonight's events if you're gonna buy not enough progress of the DP them say they will back a deal, I'm possibly also assurance from Theresa May. But a new promise it will be conducting phase two of negotiations. Then I think the minimum free might have a much better chance meaningful vote to did. But the things remember is she's still got she still hundred forty nine votes behind and this is the point that you making rightly repeatedly in the run-up. The vote if she had lost by relatively small margin. You could it would be easier to see how many vote free together. Like, the problem is she basically has to flip seventy five MP's in a week. And that's not easy now when it comes to the time between now, and what we expect the meaningful vote free. Can you just run? It's free the huddles to raise my hus- to really get overhead because we have a vote tomorrow, and what will be the choices presented the choice. Tomorrow is essentially exceptional succession and then two times of extension. One is technically extension to ratify her deal. Essentially on the other is a much longer extension with the U K participating in the European parliament elections and just to end this polka sitting in the Prescott array tonight licking those votes. The here the conserved party as they tried to water is going on with which lobby. They're supposed to be in. Which lovey? They wanted to be in didn't seem particularly good place in that sink things that point seem quite venomous. Between different MP's. How'd you think the conservative party brings fess up bat together after this thing is we were one of the big questions is can I mean as you run going can you put the Tory about together again after this? Or is this forcing so many divisions to the four for that will become impossible. And then the question becomes a little old stuff going on free votes. Ministers. I'm stating free nine whips and not being sacked is this going to become the new normal or hand to resume successor can return to the status quo, ante that is going to be questioned about the nature of a Tory party, and wherever we were going to have to operate as a looser kind of coalition or wherever it can it can return to be more disciplined party again. Thanks, James and movie back tomorrow latest twists in this continuing tail do join us land, and he liked this podcast. Why not subscribe, perhaps if you really like it, you can leave us ever v. Eight just go to the itchy. Stool.
Live From Love
"Did. You guys know there's mortar explored homedepot dot com from furniture home decor betting plus get free delivery on select items, forty dollars or more, and now for a limited time, you get ten percent off the salad. You love when you use code Whoa good tin at checkout valid on select items only. Let's. Go to expand your. This is a very special episode clearly because I'm actually in person with our guests and we have an amazing guests today. If you don't know this is a Franny, is your last name so cash is cain now. Say. So similar I'll. That's also. For any Kane usually apparently cash is in the kingdom, a family band right and I love it because my family does so much together and Austin just had a new album come out August seventh. So you need to go check it out I. Love it I love it so much what's the name of the album keep listening is called holy water. I wasn't I was like am I gonNa Butcher because I love the song so much. On the elbow, they're all great but that is the album name Reasons they're ready to go check that out and this episode is going to be also a little bit diff-. Read so fun because actually have somebody to answer the DMZ with me. So allies times we go through the DMZ, Houston on the that's good pie guests instagram page and today I wanted to be answering them but it won't be a franchise we have some more wisdom and fun over here but I because it Is the one that's podcast and you've never been on it. What is the best Houston advice that you've ever been given so hard 'cause I now given so much good advice and was kind of thinking through those I love your podcast and I love that question and one of my friends one time told me she's a dear friend who's your mentor of mine but she told me to live from love and not for love. And I love that because I think when you live like your loved by God and everything out that just there's beautiful flow from that you're not trying to earn. You're not trying to earn his affection. It doesn't matter the good. The bad things that you do it just matters that your loved and I think, yeah, it's just everything is sweeter. Motivations are pure. I think I still trying to to learn what that means in every moment to live from the secure place of knowing that. God loves me but it yeah? Yeah. It takes out that like desperation I feel like you know how we joke like grow youth thirsty but really like. You're desperate for that. Love and Lewis is your said the other day? I thought. It was genius. She's seventeen but she should be like forty five because she's so smart. But these girls were like talking to her about relationships and she was like, yeah, like I've been in some really bad relationships and then they said Oh and then you met Jacob which is her boyfriend now and she said no then Emma Jesus as like And she was like because. Jesus. Relationship with Jacob and I think that's Kinda. Just like goes along with what you're saying is that when we live in that place, we know we've met love. Then, you can walk into love and other ways whether it's a boy friendly, your husband, your friendships or anything. So I love that what a great way to kick this off but people send in some great Liam's and I know you recently got married we hugged the name change somebody asked a question about that. They said I've recently been struggling with the idea of the one. How do you know when your husband was the one for you? Do you think that God ham picks the one that you're supposed to be with for the rest of your? Life Wow. That's a great question I don't think there's one person for you. I think that if that was the case all messed it up by now I do think that there's a person and there are people you can be more compatible with at least for me with my story I started dating often a little over a year and a half ago, and I had so much anxiety at the beginning of it I just just gone out of a relationship that it ended. Okay. Just wasn't the person that I felt like I was supposed to marry. So still trying to recover. From that and didn't want to have my heart broken again and all that. So I don't a lot of anxiety with Austin and I think I felt that fear of having a relationship fail I took that God say no and he's not the one that. So it really sent me into a long process with the Lord where I was just really confused and I think I would get discouraged when I heard other people like, Oh, I, knew two weeks in I was like I was five months in idea I still didn't know but but I kept praying and being. Lord I literally will break up at any moment of yeah. Not The person that that I'm supposed to marry his not the right time if my heart's not in the right place, whatever it is an eventually, I definitely had that moment where I just not so much. He's so much confidence that he was the person that I was supposed to marry I do think though that if I had married someone else who love the Lord and I think I would plus that. But I definitely think it's good to wait for Ya, his direction and grayer and all that. So. I love that I actually one hundred percent agree with you because I think we put the pressure on ourselves that one person we view it as like this treasure, we had to find the one person and how you can find the one person out of seven billion people like the Lord's get elitist to those people. But there are the one whenever they're compatible with what God's doing in your life and they're pushing you forward and you know in Genesis. It's very simple thing of talking. About the one like God's I'm GonNa create a help we're for you because it's not good for man to be alone. So let's think about that like is the person helping you is it good for you is is a good relationship? Are you better with them Are you running towards your gods is dreams and allison same Christian like we started dating we get slow at the beginning really slow because he was my sister's friend and I was like he's my sister's friend and so. I don't know I can see this but I thought he was so cute and I thought he was awesome. So we just kept talking kept talking talking and then I was the same way it was like Lord at this is not the relationship that you have I will give. A heartbe. Even. Though I'm starting to love him I. Love You more again from love like I. Love You more. I, don't want to do any to separate me from you God. I want something. That's GonNa Bring me even closer to you and ask realizing like Christian really was bringing me closer Dan it was so much stronger so much more confident, and that's when you know. Okay. This person could very well be the one. We have so many great questions. Somebody says, how do you keep your friends close while you're in a relationship and our as you this because I kind of struggle with this and my friends and I had so many conversations about this. But when you sorry dating, you're like it's so hard to navigate the what did that look like for you? Most of my closest friends are long distance they're in college or in different parts of the world and so that made it even more challenging. But I think it is really important to try at least in the first half of your dating the first part of dating I think it's really important to to really have your goals to talk to them to them to tell them what's up tell them what's going on like how you feel about him 'cause even it was so sweet at our wedding couple of my best friends who had really like been filling in on all the by the process. Of how I fell in love with Austin they got to talk about that at the wedding I remember this stage. And I think that's such a gift to have people that it to see and be a part of your journey i. do think there's a transition that needs to happen towards engagement and into marriage where you definitely have your husband be the first percentage you even then like I think when I go to spend time with with my girls with my friends with my band with by people that it's awesome to come back and I feel even more like full for all. So I think it's important even when you're married how your people and spend time. With those other people but I, mean I doing everything with Austin sheltered. So you know I feel the same way and it's funny because like when you do whatever like go hang out with your friends or even he goes and hangs up his friends and so when you come together especially when you're married, you're like fresh content. It makes you fall in love all over gate. So Jerry. With. Your friend. Has this gain you know you're your group of you're crazy. But when you're with your friends it like this other level of like untapped craziness that you go back and you're like still that height hoed i. love this Awesome Bella. But yeah, for me and my friends, we navigated that a little bit like lenient I best friends and she and I had always prayed that we meet our husbands at the same time. And it was so cool because literally on me and Chris First Day Laney came because it was like a group thing Serger you all of our friends like came into Luke Bryan guns are Christian was there and lady was like mad at me legend know until later because she was so mad that I was gonNA date before she had date because we said we Girls sorry like the Lord. I cannot like this happened knows my husband. So let's talk. So while we're there I know. Our there? I'M GONNA. Scout out my options and she walks over and let Larry surgery goes scholar and she goes he's pretty cute and you think he's cute. Emma. Mom is these she's like that's my friends like nephew. I'M GONNA go todd's inland. Let me introduce you. Know. So she does sure enough that's Clayton who married to. Christian got married yes. So they met I. Got Engaged to exaggerate it's got married two weeks after us. So I mean literally at the same time that is yes and as I say like Laney lightweight joke mad but she actually really was mad and it's like funny because you know we can't see the full picture that got right. So sometimes we get frustrated and we'd take out on our friends but like if you just Like move that to prayer like wait and see what God is GonNa do because he this beautiful story for us and it's funny because like now we laugh at Lenny be mad but I mean God does had this epic plan and that's not always God's plan is gonna be different for everybody that doesn't mean you're going to meet your guy two weeks after your best friend you know. That that doesn't always happen and there were hard things that Lee Laney had to navigate through. That were totally different than that. But I say like if that's you hang on for a little bit just got in the process he writes great stories rate really does love stories great really good at it. He is good thinking back to when you were single because, I know we have. A lot of single ladies out there single guys to watching what are some of those prayers at that time and one of that time look like for you whenever you were single I honestly I loved I loved being single. I really did because I. think that God does right. Beautiful love stories with a man and a woman but he writes even better love stories with him self. And I mean I could cry thinking about it. God really drew me so close to his heart in. Loved on me so much during that time where it was like us it was so special like I. Remember I did why have you heard Wyoming And during my time there I just experienced so much closeness to the Lord and obviously not every season of my life has felt like that. There've been some really really hard seasons but that one in particular was a season where I felt God pursuing my hard calling me away with him and come away my beloved. Let me talk to you and and that time was so beautiful I just I remember getting this ring where I would like every time I would think of the Lord and it was it was really sweet. So it's just a time for that and then one of my friends was like you can go on dates with God and I was like, no like. 'cause this is not just our boyfriend. He's irreverent high and amazing. God of all creation, he's Jesus the Savior of the world so much but he d- He is our lover. So being able to go on days with Lord and like read my Bible or pray or whatever it was. So rich I took a trip by myself one time. By Myself Oh beside bring no time and it was amazing. I actually never I didn't know if I was going to get married to know if I wanted to be married I didn't know if that was what God had never really praised like four my future husband which I probably should have now but he covered. Your back I never prayed for that I really just like think that that time of falling in love with Jesus. was what prepared my heart for marriage and I'm thinking about this morning I was like I've been. Obviously there have been crazy seasons, but for I love the Lord for a while and so it's been like we've had a way longer relationship than Austin and. That's kind of Nice. Together for way longer than. Twenty three days. It, was your God wants to love on you and I love that really good at it. So that's great. Wow I. Love. It was awesome. What are you? Know. Hey I we'll go there alone. Because I'm like, no. I need this. You know whenever I was thinking I was say I made the mistake of constantly trying to just have a guy in my life a boy in my life and when I look back I'm like, why did I do you know? Why did I do that? Like I was just totally dating today dating because it was nice to have somebody there. Nice to have somebody around but hindsight twenty twenty. Hurting me a lot. You know like they were just more her and time that I could have spent just myself with the Lord now again got covered me and he's so good and throughout the whole time I felt like I was deepening relationship with the Lord. But at the same time I was distracted myself with other guys and so had moments of single hoggets and. You know it's crazy. I loved them as I'm saying like it was so good and it was so governorship the Lord. But then I kept going back into the allure of like wanting a boyfriend and so I think when I'm at Christian. The amazing thing is the day before I met him until my friends because I knew I was on the cycle like everybody saw I kept dating guy after Guy I said you know what I'm done with this I. Don't. I'm not anybody for like at least to the end of the year it was in July giving us oh, six months those like I'm stopping this pattern and my friend was a camera according. You say this, it was actually Laney Seren Gracie say turn on the recorder. This. I'm done dating until the end of this year. And the next day. I. saw. Yes and I was like Dang it I immediately was like why? But I knew because my even though A. Time and I'll it's at them at first I said delete the video and then lady was like no, she's like you do not do not. K- I will not talk to him, avoid him. So I. See Him all cost and he was like bag they're standing by staring gracie. I. Remember I was like he's a date one of them and I'm going to be so mad I made that video bell is like our. So I? said the very end of the night did he pick on the ideal? Later, yes at the time. All he wasn't trying to catch up me the whole time, but I was like high tailing. So we really only circle at the end of the night and it was so funny I said something about got. Skydiving. All of his amazing and then Christian Salah. Oh would you ever like shark cage? I mean I was like no, and he was like I wear and I'm like Kay he's a man. Starting to think he's Kinda cute as. At the end of the night. So you know I'm the only person in my family that you don't follow an instagram. Annulling new I didn't and I was like, am I was like, oh. That's crazy and then avoided it. I was I can't follow him because there is start deeming and the and. I gave him like three days. Girls Hey give yourself three days. You know like three days a good time. Jesus spent three days and to give you some time to think right so about it, and then I was like, okay, you know my dating him by volume and scrimp just firemen scrimp. So follow him and I get this notification Papa. Did he already is so weird like that was so fast. I click on it and he had deemed two years ago never saw it and what I writing really beautiful story. He had seen me passion and he was like I loved Laura, your life sweet restarted like not talking but literally just talking getting to know each other and like for like two months, we had just like talked to friends like we didn't flair like my friends would be like Christian I know don't even say like we're not like. We have not flirted all. We're talking about like the by way we're talking about books reading sermons relating to and what it did though is that repositioning and my heart it's like I'm not gonNA date for a while it slow me down to get to know him as a person and like every other show I have been leery lasted two months for us is we talk too much getting each other before we ever like stepped into dating and so. For you like maybe you're her story and you like brooked single and you're like Oh and I definitely hard day's not have as much. As days but just in a sense of like travel by myself, I got to know myself I had sweet time with the Lord. Like he is the creator of all things but he's also the one that I love like those things or maybe you're like me and you like consistently put a guy and your life to date cited date like God's GonNa, cover, your all things he's all things he is love himself but at the same time, it's never too late. To, stop a pattern or seigler going on and just repossess your heart with the Lord and it's never too late to say, okay guy like I'm in a great place with you. Now this guy's great and that doesn't mean you're replacing God with this guy is welcoming into your story and so wherever you're at God's in and he's good, he's literally like right into the story of your life and with you and all things I love that we just talked about that. Too I think there's another cycle that we can have in in our hearts. Sometimes, we we have to know the person is the one. True. The we go on and I think I think I did that I dated guy and be like God like wants me i. Wasn't like God's will. It'd be like God probably wants me to marry him and ask wasn't an I put too much. So I think that going on a date ear and there is so is it can be really healthy actually. Person with respect and if it's like A good coffee or dinner date. That's good. I think like I don't read the pressure on I. Love that you'd spent two months just filling it out like same with Austin, and now we were really good friends for awhile and didn't put any pressure on it, and even after we officially dating I didn't know if we were going to get married and I don't think that's a bad place to be keeping your hands allman. Healthy and until you know. Has for you or some because people say like date someone with the intention to marry them and like that is so true dates on the intention of that doesn't mean you have to marry them like you know that's always say because I'd be like quote love is patient. Love is kind of like when my boyfriend's and she's like for yes that's God's love and that's for marriage like those are whenever you're to really have to like fight through things through your dating somebody and they show signs that they're not the what it's okay to break up because you're considering the one in the future you know I mean such a good point. Yeah. Hey Hey y'all I literally geeky out to tell you about masterclass is incredible. You can learn from the world's best minds anytime anywhere in at your own pace, and if you know anything about me, I love to learn new things with masterclass. You can learn how to write anything from a book screenplay or even just a letter learn how to communicate with your boss or your family. They're just so many incredible classes to choose from taught from experts in their field. I actually recently checked out Serena Williams masterclass on. 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Comments, or people, and all these things. How do you go through that? Well, first of all I mean I'm so sorry that is so painful that so that is so hard and that's really sad and even though you know who you are and you're God's child and your everything that he says you are still is so painful and it's been painful for me when I've experienced slander, I've experienced the AD and and yeah and for me in terms of when there have been rumors spread I, think the best way is to. Go, the Bible says if your brother has an ought against you to go to your brother and into confront him, and it's like when your brother has a problem with you, you go to him and so I think it's going to go to the person that is spreading rumors or who is yes. Saying things about us being hurtful to you and until like talk to them about it by them coffee be like, Hey, I just don't understand you know what's what did I do to do this or you know whatever just? Have really good healthy conversation and if they're not willing to talk about it and they're still bitter towards you or if they're still spreading those rumors to I, mean really the only thing you can do is is love and I think obviously, there's probably going to be righteous anger that you feel there's going to be an anger that you feel I felt bad and there's a difference between the toxic anger and the end righteous anger in toxic anger mean that can only be healed through forgiveness which takes a long time you. Hanger is good because it shows you your heart's motives, your desires of your heart, your your passion for Justice and stuff, and I think that if you let it dot the Lord Use Your Passion for Justice you've experienced there being hurt and then it will. Help other people you know, and so in terms of like the comments I think our music, some of the songs are different from what other people have heard in the Christian music world and stuff in. There are some things we talk a lot about vulnerability, all these kinds of things we do get a lot of comments where people were are frustrated or offended or the other events. Some really hurtful comments about how the music is like Helen this because it's like rowdy and like we need to go back to the hens, old demons are crazy look like, wow how did you get there from? Yeah, but obviously, there's a story there I mean. There's a story why they are offended by Gina type of music or what we're talking about and I've tried a few times. It can get hard with a lot of a lot of comments and stuff but couple times I'll just like audio messaging like hey. I really understand what why do you think that is not our heart at all and I've actually had some amazing conversations over social media with people who will be like you have been kind. Thank you approaching me like I. Totally understand what you're saying now and Denver four and it's like love covers a multitude of wrong which is really hard. Sometimes that's been cool to see those. Great. Initially. Bad Situation I. Yeah. That's what about for you with. Hard I actually just recently super challenge by this. One of the executives at Nike Shoes at this global leadership conference in she was talking about holidays you get so much. Hey, and then one day they were like, why would just ask them like how we can help like how we can help well, just hear them out and I was like that is so cool like that. They would ask the people who are hating on them how they can help make things better and like you said, sometimes you're GonNa take that advice and then sometimes sometimes it's just not right like like you said that you can approach somebody wants and maybe it will go gray and they're don't have that you're here and they don't WanNA listen they're still going to be. In their place you have to, you know saying over yourself and be confident enough to say okay. I know who I am I. Wish you the best, but there's nothing else to talk about you know I actually remember recently I was getting this girl. She was hated elevator's over some things that I was really passionate about like mission work in mission. Trips and stuff and she just didn't agree with it. She felt like he should help your own country which we do help our own country but it was his super big hate. But bother me enough that I felt like I should and I never really tap into it because my family's been in this for six years and we get all kinds of. Things and also way more positive. But also you know you have those people in the one just. One year remember. I'm going to reach out and I'm just GonNa like kind of enlightened hers like what my heart is why I care about this and maybe help her understand a little bit and just see like why she so bothered. So I messaged her privately and she immediate response. Sorry don't have time to read this and in that owes let okay this girl has time to go public page publicly sale. That, but privately, she's anti and it makes you realize that some people aren't sayings of because they really are mattered because they really care but they just want the attention 'cause she continued on my public page to talk about it but she went respond privately. So you like you said, you have to understand that like when people are saying stuff like there's a story, there's there's something going on. Their own. Maybe it's insecurity maybe it's an attention seeking maybe they see where you're at in life and they want to drag you down. So that's why it's so important that like wherever you are whoever you are, whatever your story is like you're so confident and hold what God is doing in your life and your confident in the answers that you give. Just I could. I could mess her. And say, Hey, I see Europe's at this is my heart and that's why you want to be really in touch with what God is doing your life and who you are because you can answer this questions about who you are and not let what they say become who you are and that goes from instagram or in highschool like Highschool Gosh I. Yes I remember getting some hey hi, sue. It's hard. It's so hard but knowing who you might be like, hell in the roadrunner who I am, how do I get to that point and truly for me? I mean just finding myself in scripture. God speaks so much life over you. He literally formed you created you the find that you're breathing means. He is a plan and so keeping all that in mind that when you go outside and see this beautiful creation that guy created youtube who eggs all this a lot easier have you ever read the Story Punch Nello Max. Lucado. Rent is Lucia. She's so in this book, it's like this town of. Wooden characters and they all give each other stars or dots further good things that they do they give him stars. If they do bad things, they get these black dots put on them and it just sticks to that there wouldn't character. So this one girl Lucy is only girl in the whole town who doesn't have any stars or any thoughts on her and this one little winnick they're called one X. His Name Punch and he's just covered in black dots. So he goes to her and he's like how how do you not have any of these stars or dots on you and she said it's easy I just go spend time with the maker every day and I love that because I think we think like Oh we're doing good if we get all these like praises from people but even that. Can, be dangerous. If you let that like you said suicide who you are what you believe and what you stand for it's like God gets to decide that and spending time with him is the only way you'll be able to get to that point. So I love that book and like honestly whenever two older kids book. If you have not read it seriously gory that but I remember reading that book like Elementary School like our library teacher read it to us, and now like so impactful than it was things that didn't really get it as significant whenever you're younger but you're like, wow, like spending time I make your like whether it's a compliment you need to get back to him or the insulting to give to him and let God just bring you back to who you are. Sometimes you need a little humbling. Sometimes you need a little Alabama exactly. Right. All right. So this is the last question I asked somebody said I'll always question I love the authenticity says, how do you deal with your busy schedule? I can barely find time to go to school work and sleep. Can never fit in all things and I know with you. You're literally in a band you're married you have several things. So many more things than I. Know About 'cause I recently played you instagram. Friendships to maintain your relationship with the Lord how do you find time? What does that look like for you? This is funny. They asked me that gives last week was like Oh promoting the record. It was a lot of stuff which I'm so great before because I'm so passionate about the music I'm so passionate about what God is doing in the band and and what he's doing in the world. So I am so grateful to be part, but it was getting to the point I was like my voices Gone Lake I can't even like. We're working really hard. So it was it was exhausting and I definitely miss like how can keep it this pace forever I, think like the balance of having set aside time where you rice is important I, think not resting all the time like like the work that we have is such a gift from the Lord and being able to look at it as a blessing is awesome but also taking our skin the morning to rest. Taking slowly and I think honest a lot of us if we're honest with ourselves if we spent a little bit of time social media, we would find time to allow for. Read and pray and all that. So I I think I mean I own my word. I'm so grateful for the new iphone that says screen time you've been on your phone. As Maybe Sunday I'm like Ooh I. Know. So. Time is important because we can always make time for the things that are important. Yeah I love that and that's a great point. Is there a point? If you go on your screen on your phone, it will literally toe you how much time you spend. So take that and then bring it into all of the things that you need to do. Love in Strat was fine but it's not the most important thing in your life in the least bit and I think when you're actually living your life, then you have an overflow to be able to oppose on social media for Soviet that I love that you as a means to struggle with the balance and I think what I define was rest. is so important but always get a look like a week long a month-long sometimes, you can't do that, but it can be that our it can be for me. It's actually restful for me to play tennis like that's not everybody's wrist. But that helps my mind like stop for a minute there like it's ready to go workout like I like doing that it's funny. We recently heard President speech and not president trump president from the past and They were asked what is your time in the White House and he said every morning I woke up and for an hour I, read the Bible and then I through a male, and then later in the afternoon, he's an I didn't read the news because I was news and then he said and I worked out for an hour every day and I was like the president of the United States had time to read his bio for an hour and work out our if the president can find time. We all get. It just means waking up earlier carbon at that time going to bed a little bit sooner. But that's so hard and I feel like when you're walking lords doing people say how do you find time to read your Bible or do devotional and you know with the Lord like it doesn't just have to look like spending time in a devotional six in the morning always. So there's unlike God did not set that date like even at that time like he's like disappointed with you if you sleep till seven because that was not his date that was. Your Day and so that's not how God. Always, we're really shit with him twenty, four seven like talk to them all day long if you like read your Bible, I meditate on the truth about talks about that. Those you meditate on the we'll be like a tree planted of living water, but it's not like if you don't do your devotional than you, it's like a crucial thing in your relationship with God. He's there all the time I want to ask you unless they personally you know you talk about people commenting about we the keenum and stuff that you'll put out. I Love Holy Water I love it yellow doing i. think it's awesome. What from you and your family? Like why do why do you write the music? What are you saying? What would you want people to know your heart is behind what you do does a really a great question the band kind of started as an accident we didn't like ever set on being a family van that's honestly being young I was like that sounds. Terrible but it's not. It's amazing. The Lord really directed our paths to lead to this point and it makes total sense and it's been really really sweet. I think the one thing that we want people to take away from this record though. People ask what does the record about it literally is our first record. So it's about everything that we've experience up until this point, which is a lot of stuff but I think that the heart behind it is that people would feel deeply and dearly loved. Lord by Jesus, no matter where they are in life because he loves us so much. So I hope that the record gives people permission to be able to enter into whatever place they need to be in whether that's a place of sadness or `vulnerability with God with it's a place of deep joy whether that's a place of rest in peace or whatever I'm hoping that people will be able to find a a song for each. Season in their heart and sauce that can help them experience deeper connection with God and with people. But I love that because that's what it's done for me. So I'm I'm so grateful for the songs I. Mean they've been some of them have been around for a long time. So it's cornell like share them with people. So cool over. So excited for yesterday we because I always speak in, we can talk a whole team. Husband my like we love it and we're excited for y'all haven't gone and got the album go get it holy water and thank you for the. Thank you so much for having me this. Awesome. Thank you so much real listening to the. podcast I have so much men doing this I. Hope you'll have fun listening and don't forget to follow me on Instagram at Legit, Sadie, rob, and follow the podcast were. That's good podcasts. Live original dot com to see when I'm in a city near you or visit live original blog on our online store, which carries my exclusive where's Bhai Sadie Rob Line also be sure to subscribe to my podcast and leave comments so we can hear what you're loving. Also GonNa give a special shout out to my audio engineer Marcus Apolo the whole team talent agency M I live original team. You guys are awesome and Hayes. So all of you too. Thank so much ray listening.