20 Episode results for "Sean Acre"

225 Gratitude  A Key to Transforming Your Workplace with Julie Ann Sullivan

Mere Mortals Unite

07:51 min | 1 year ago

225 Gratitude A Key to Transforming Your Workplace with Julie Ann Sullivan

"Welcome to the businesses. That cave podcast. Your host. Julianne Sullivan has searched the globe for businesses that have created engaging and inspiring workplace cultures in each episode. You'll find ID's we put into your own Organization for better. Recruitment retention and customer loyalty are you ready to create and sustain a bit of business culture. Then let's go in three two one. Hello I'm Julianne Sullivan. Your host for this episode of businesses. That care today. I'm going to talk with you about one of my favorite subjects gratitude. I even wrote a book about it. Titled A LITTLE. Bit of gratitude goes along way several years ago contrary to popular thought. Gratitude does have a place inside of every workplace for more than a decade researchers have been studying the effects of a positive mindset and its byproducts of increase productivity creativity and engagement gratitude creates an optimistic way of thinking. Are you aware that grateful people can have ten percent? Fewer stress related illnesses. That translates into lower absenteeism at work workers who feel well work harder and smarter to individuals who find more to appreciate in their lives become better problem solvers and produce higher quality work. That's how gratitude shows up in the bottom line of any business. We humans have it backwards. You might think fat success will drive your happiness. But we've discovered that it's just the opposite. Sean Acre did research in this area and found that people who cultivate a positive mindset improve in every business outcome gratitude is just one avenue to build this positive mental attitude known as P. M. A. It was Napoleon Hill who came up with p. m. a. which he called the science of success way back in nineteen thirty seven over eight years later we are starting to recognize. Its importance. All over again. Would you be interested in starting your day before you ever get to the office with a bit more gratitude? Are you interested in finding a way? So that burnt toast and traffic. Don't send you into a tizzy. The antidote is gratitude and I promise it will change every aspect of your life including the way you walk into your job in turn that affects everyone you come in contact with. You might be wondering. When am I gonNA find time to do that? I'm here to tell you it doesn't take much time and had Ceesay. Here's the idea as soon as you come into consciousness in the morning before you even open your eyes or look at your phone. Take a few minutes to be thankful that you have another day very thankful you know. Thousands of people thought they would get another day but they didn't then run down a list in your head like I have a bed and sheets and blankets and pillows. I have a roof over my head. I have clean running water to you. Know millions of people don't have clean water continue with. I have food a car. My kids my puppy. My cat my family. Will you get the picture how long that takes is a question you might be asking if you're still worried about the time commitment? The answer is about thirty seconds. How long does it have an effect of changing your day? I can tell you the more often you do it the longer the residual of realising how fortunate you are we all spend way too much time recognizing what isn't working in our lives and that's actually how your brain works. The time is now to make a change. I'M NOT GONNA lie to make this. Change is going to include some deliberate choices the more often you make them the more natural they become for gratitude to really flourish in needs to be shared. This is where you can utilize gratitude at work. I had a client start again you'd board. They made a space in the office. With plenty of pens and sticky notes people were encouraged to write something. They were grateful for on a note and stick it up on the wall. It started slow many times. People thought it had to be something. Big Ben is more notes. Went up that included. I had pizza today if became contagious. The first week there around ten notes and a grew to hundreds even people who put up. Nothing felt better walking by and reading someone else's notes just like negativity. Good feelings are contagious. If you WANNA start or head contact me and I'll gladly send you on. The results are always surprising. Here are a few more ideas. How `Bout sometime today? You take your phone out. Remind yourself how grateful you are to have a phone and then create a text telling someone you appreciate them. And why the why gives the appreciation clarity develop a gold today to let a colleague no y? You appreciate them. Think of how your workplace would change. If gratefulness of job well done was recognized for people every day. Not at an annual review. What would happen to your mindset if every day use for something new to be grateful for? I have a ton of ideas and how you can accomplish this. Just ask Halmi at seven two four nine four two zero four eight six and let's create a workplace where gratitude and shared appreciation are the way you do business. Thanks for listening to the businesses that CARE. Podcast share it with your friends and colleagues businesses. That cave PODCAST DOT COM to learn more about Julianne Sullivan and Receive Free Valuable Information. Go to juliane SULLIVAN DOT COM join Julianne in changing your workplace one person at a time.

Julianne Sullivan p. m. a. Sean Acre Halmi Napoleon Hill Ben thirty seconds eight years ten percent
How to Cultivate the Resilience We Need Now

Women Amplified

34:38 min | 1 year ago

How to Cultivate the Resilience We Need Now

"I saw an interesting diagram and it said fear can stand for one of two things it can stand for forget everything and run or it can stand for face everything and rise. I think that one of the most important things we can do is recognized that fear anxiety and ambiguity are okay most of us. Try to run from uncomfortable emotions. We try to numb them getting through them as quickly as we can. But you can't microwave anxiety you can't microwave grief. You can't microwave fear you have to be able to sit in those for a little bit? It's actually easier for your brain to navigate a real threat that you know then an uncertain one than you don't and so your brain is doing everything. It can to create predictable patterns so that you can be certain and right now. There are no predictable patterns resilience expert and top rated conference for Women Speaker and Grady there. I'm Celeste Headley. Welcome to women amplified from the conferences for women. This podcast brings you invaluable advice and inspiration all year long whether you've attended a conference and want to continue learning or you've never been but you want to benefit from the expertise of our incredible lineup of speakers. This is the podcast for you. I'm really excited to have an with us today to talk about resilience amidst this uncharted time known as the cove in nineteen pandemic and is here to offer actionable tips things. You can actually do to cultivate courage improve your resilience better navigate the uncertainty and possibly bring some sanity to an insane time at work and in life and thank you so much for joining us and making the time. Thank you so much for having me. It's definitely an interesting time. Indeed it is and I wonder have. There been any surprises for you. In terms of what has become difficult. Or what you're grappling with as a professional speaker and facilitator. I own a small business. I have a team that works with me. And so it's definitely been interesting going from working and speaking at live events in front of thousands and thousands of people to taking everything virtually and working remotely. So everybody's having to learn a new normal very quickly so it certainly impacted us and finding ways to pivot and make the best out of these situations is really where that skill comes in. I imagine that one of the piece of advices. I'm trying to give to people is to not sit there. Refreshing their twitter feed and news headlines. Constantly all day long hour after hour. But if we're not doing that how do you handle with the anxiety and this need to constantly be updated? Well I think it's important to stay informed but there's a difference between being connected watching the news and reading all of the headlines to stay informed versus really feeding into a lot of the fear anxiety around it so I would suggest really limiting the amount of information you consume. It's okay to watch the news. It's okay to get information but rather than have it on in the background all day. Long where you're constantly being drawn to it. And you hear words that are a little bit more fear inducing than we typically would I would say. Make sure that you're looking for objective information. I've been a host on many new shows and their goal is to get ratings and so they're constantly looking for people to provide varying viewpoints and different ways of looking at things. So I would say take everything you're hearing with that in mind but also make sure you're doing your due diligence by looking at objective information so the CDC has a website setup with every piece of Information. You hear on the news channels. It's just presented in a more objective matter of fact way and so if you're constantly connected especially if you have kids they're absorbing a lot of this in the background and so understand that you do need to stay informed but there's a difference from being constantly connected and checking periodically to updates. I try to stick to twice a day once in the morning once at night but what I would tell folks is give yourself at least thirty minutes after you wake up and before you go to bed without consuming social media or news because Sean Acre calls your mental note and basically were the weakest cognitively speaking in our ability to interpret prioritize. Understand information when we're tired and that's when we're susceptible to hitting that panic button so I would say stay informed minimize the amount of time. You're spending watching the news and be delivered about when you get updates. You mentioned having kids in the House and it's interesting. I've heard two different ends of this spectrum. I've heard from one mother who was concerned because her kids were basically thinking this was the greatest thing ever and she thought they were not being respectful right. Yup and might upset somebody by thinking that they don't have to go to school possibly until a fall and then of course. I had a dad who was concerned because his thirteen year. Old Daughter is constantly refreshing. The News and is scared to death and she thinks her grandparents are her gonNA die. So how do we broach this with younger people? How HONEST SHOULD WE BE? Well I have two kids. One of whom has severe special needs mental illness autism. And so you know when you have kids who have some challenges at adds onto the already high level of anxiety they're experiencing. But the first thing I would say is. Don't be afraid to talk about it so not talking about. It can create more anxiety in children than actually discussing it in being delivered about the conversations that you're having so definitely at least explain what's going on. I would say if you can consume the news first and then summarized and give them stacks. That is a more effective way to keep some of being Zion. The panic down. I would say for young teenagers even for US understand that we get emotionally hijacked very quickly. We don't even realize it's happening but the emotional side of our brain works eighty thousand times faster than the logical side so it's literally impossible to hear a breaking news story with ominous sounding music and dont on the pandemic. It's really hard to hear that without getting emotionally hijacked so I would say consume the information and then share it with your kids and let them lead with questions so let their questions lead the discussion. And you can tell them what you've been hearing and you can then correct misinformation that they might have shared and were experiencing with our kids. These two drastic ends of the spectrum. So my son is like my whole family could die everybody. I Love I could get sick and kids are very egocentric. So their natural tendency is to think about themselves and their immediate family and the people that they know and love and trust and so part of it is reassurance. I've got another child who wants to head to party on a beach for spring break. And we're trying to say okay. Let's cool it. Let's talk about this and probably one of the best paradigm shifts that I heard was someone saying instead of thinking your trying to prevent yourself or your kids from getting the virus instead. Assume that you have it and have your job be not giving it to anybody else because it goes from us being in fear to us being able to take action and we know that action helps kids to feel empowered. So let them know what they can do really. I washed my eighteen year old washer hands yesterday. And she wants to be a nurse and it was just like a quick wash the hands and so now we're hearing sing happy birthday and scrub like you would in an operating room so really educating kids on how to do those things why to do those things. Things like limiting social interaction is important but it doesn't mean that we have to disconnect socially so kids still need to get energy out. They still need to be able to go outside and play and luckily wide open. Spaces are not as risky so I would say. Talk to your kids. Be Very careful that you are emotionally regulated before you communicate with them so what we know is that you cannot regulate someone when you're disrupted and if your kids are nervous or anxious and your nervous or anxious. They're actually feeding off of you so we do want to give them reassurance. We do want to give them the facts but we also need to deal with our own level of anxiety before we bring them into that conversation. Should we schedule them? Should we try to sort of regulate their days by saying okay? This is the time when will eat breakfast? And then you studied this subject. And then he studied studded should be create a schedule for our kids and for ourselves. So the answer is two-fold yes in that. Kids and adults need structure and routine. So as someone who's worked remotely in my home for almost twenty years now. I had to learn very quickly that you still have to get up. You still have to take a shower. I exercise and do my routine eat breakfast. And then it's almost like. I'm going into a separate office even though it's just another room in my home kids need the same type of structure so things like bedtime mealtime. Those things need to stay consistent. I think there's such a thing as being too scheduled because in times like this everybody's feeling anxiety and so. I think it's natural to say what we want to keep everything exactly as it is and restricts screen time and restrict all of these things. I think part of the skill of building. Resilience is flexibility adaptability. So when I'm dealing with my corporate clients and talking about navigating remote work for them. It's your kids are experiencing high levels of anxiety along with you so be a little bit more flexible and allow there to be less rigidity about some things like screen time but ultimately yes people do better with a schedule in so if you're waking up and working in pajamas all day whether he realized that or not subconsciously that throws you off and. I'm not suggesting you have to get all dressed up and put on panty hose but if you're in the mindset of work than get dressed like you're going to work the other thing though is that a lot of conferences for women are phenomenal at providing leadership strategies and what I would say to those that are leaders managing other people or even just leading by example. That you're setting the tone so people are looking to your behavior not your words which means you as a leader your number one job all the time but specifically during times like these is to create the ideal emotional state for your team and as a parent it's to create the ideal emotional environment for your kid does and so that means that you have to. Yes stick with routines but also do things. You might not normally do like take a quick walk or skype someone in your family or reconnect play games together so that it's not all bad you know kids are seeing. Oh my gosh. We used to actually talk together before we had all of our screens. All the time. Have dinner and breakfast with each other reconnect and use this as an opportunity to help your kids be okay with some unknown and some ambiguity so I mean you talked about leadership and you actually have taught sessions for the conferences for women on how to successfully navigate change right how to manage all the uncertainties that are involved with big changes. These is a huge change. Not just on a personal level but especially for many people on their work level. So can I walk you through some of the things that are sort of acquired for a healthy workplace and have you sort of respond to how we keep those in place despite remote work absolutely so. I'm wondering what do we do about rewards and recognition? That are so needed what we do about that when people are working from their homes. So you know it's interesting because nobody ever goes home after a long day of work and says I am so tired of being appreciated if one more person gives me a compliment. I'm quitting. We don't do that and in times like these. It's even more important not I wouldn't say rewards but recognition. What we know is that employees are motivated differently. And so it's tough when you have one reward program that's blanketed for everybody. I would say for those who are working remotely right now take time to actually pick up the phone and call someone and tell them you appreciate them or sons them a quick. I am or attack saying hey just wanted genome here and I appreciate all of your help. So recognition gratitude in times like these is so important because our brain is wired to protect us it does not like uncertainty and it views it as a threat so one of the ways that you can calm your brain and take back control going back into your frontal lobe and getting out of this emotional reactive. Place is to provide praise and appreciation. And let people understand and know that you empathize. We're all in this together. It's a way to reconnect us to common humanity. Where you're having rather than just one or two people on your team work remotely you might be having your entire organization work remotely and everybody is trying to balance kids running into their office. While they're trying to work they're trying to balance going to find toilet paper at the grocery store which I cannot understand for the life of me it is so scarce right now me either but it's more important than ever to practice gratitude and not just tell people thank you but tell them why you're grateful for them something very specific intangible. So the next thing is we know that decision fatigue can be really detrimental to peoples morale. We know that having too many choices can exhaust them and yet we're in the situation now where people are presented with too many options where they have to make decisions. They never had to make any more. So how do we combat? What's known as the choice overload effect and love the choice overload and they've done research around this. I mean something as simple as going to the grocery store where they give you samples and they found that offering too many different variations and choice shuts people down. Yeah but I think knowing our brain and understanding the way it works is helpful so our brain is expending an incredible amount of energy trying to help us get away from what we face this threat and because of that. It's really easy to get overwhelmed and tired so I know for me. I've been I've been sitting here working and I'm creating all kinds of content and I keep finding myself distracted. And it's because our brain can't navigate all of the uncertainty and stay at the top of our productivity game all at the same time so I would say in terms of choices. Focus on the ones you have control over and try to go with whatever your first gut reaction is so if you're thinking I need to take this approach rather than over thinking it and beating yourself up understand that you only have control over a finite number of things and the more you can focus on simplifying your decisions your choices and all of the things around you right now. The more mental energy you will have to expand on what's most important so then I wanna talk about social proof and how we sort of keep up a sense of team or any kind of cohesiveness how we bought our behavior based on our co workers when we're not in the same place. I think it's really great opportunities so I think we can look at this one of two ways we can look at this like Zombie Apocalypse. The world is ending. What are we going to do or we can look at this as a way to rethink the way we work and I think the statistic is in five years or ten years a half of all teams will be working remotely and this makes it even more challenging but this gives us an opportunity to practice and that's why it's so important to stay connected not just through email but through phone calls video chats. I worked with a lot of technology clients who have really embraced the idea of video. Now I don't like to be on camera anymore than the next person but what we know about communication is that non verbally it creates a connection in a way that cannot be created without that face to face and so just because you are not working next. Somebody in a cubicle does not mean that you cannot build cohesiveness and collaboration and it could be as simple as working on shared documents. It could be having multiple people on a zoom call. And you're collaborating about a project and working together with it but also don't forget the importance of Water Cooler Talk. You know so. Do not lose sight of the fact that we all need that idle time to kind of Chit Chat and be present with each other. And just because we're working remotely doesn't take that need away so you're not wasting time by having a little small talk and having some conversations around how people are fairing before you jump into a meeting but most importantly. I would say give people the benefit of the doubt and assume positive intent. We're all really doing the very best we can. And it's easy to let our anxiety and our fear drives that emotion but if we assume that everybody is making their best effort and we're all doing the best we can. Then we're more likely to overlook mistakes and some of that negativity and appreciate folks for the results that they are getting his messaging need to change. I mean I have to imagine that for a lot of people. The rules have to change the rules of how we do business. I mean obviously people's kids might be in the background of their business call even just those rules might change as well but I wonder if the messaging about how to talk about these kinds of things how to talk with employees and how to talk to them might change. Just because people are in a heightened state of anxiety absolutely and we've had multiple clients reach out to US asking if we can work with their leaders to help them keep teams motivated engaged and how to shift that messaging and how to approach it differently and they're absolutely ways to do it understanding that we need to communicate now more than we think we need to and that sounds kind of odd but the average person has to be exposed to a message at least seven times before truly sinks in a variety of different mediums. So if everybody was used to having a quick in-person meeting at work and you were able to say something once or twice. It's important to communicate that in multiple ways over multiple channels so that you're truly engaging folks and it's also about getting their input into what they need really making time to get buy in from your team and from your co workers from your family to figure out what would be most helpful. There are some simple tools that you can use a lot of virtual sessions. And so when I started doing that I'd have the dogs run into the office and introduce them as my mascots. But then we start to figure out that not only. Are they a distraction for the people that you're working with a more of a distraction for you and we can't eliminate all of those distractions but anything you can do to put your microphone on you when you're not actually participating in the meeting? I would also say it's more important than ever that after conversations after discussions there's a recap so it's the lost art of meeting minutes right when you're done with the conversation. Have someone be responsible for recapping. What's happening by win? Who's responsible what actions did we decide upon and I think it's going to take some trial and error because it's a new normal for at least the time being but it gives us a chance to figure out what works and what doesn't and to make real time adjustments as long as we're being patient with each other. I spoke to someone earlier today. Who said that she is getting bombarded with phone calls from Co Workers? Her Co workers have heard this advice to use the phone to talk. And you know all those useless emails. You sometimes get that you're like Oh for the love of God. Why did you have to email me now? She said they're becoming phone calls. And she finds it really disruptive partly because she's at home and there's a different feeling when you're at home working but partly because she just can't get through her work. How do we sort of navigate this new space in which were trying to maintain those social networks and contacts? And yet we're also literally intruding into people's homes. He has interesting. I was in the middle of coaching session with a CEO. Yesterday working with how to help her team really navigate this and my mother in law called on the other line. So I'm like hey guys hold on a second mom and an interesting place to be because our worlds are colliding. And I'm one of those who say balances BS. There's no such thing as balanced. The goal should not be balanced. The goal should be identifying our priorities. Spending the majority of our time there without apologizing. But when you're in the situation you're literally spinning all kinds of plates hoping they don't fall to the ground so I would say talk to people about their preferred communication method and their preferred frequency. So you might have someone who doesn't enjoy the phone calls and that's tougher them or if they're in a noisy environment if they have kids running around them that can create more stress in pressure so create a communication with your team. How do you want to be shown recognition and appreciation? What's the best way to give you virtual feedback? How would you like to be communicated with his email easier for you? Would you rather I am your text? You and so it's really personalizing your approach rather than the golden rule where we treat everybody like we want to be treated. It's the platinum rule. Right communicate with people. The way they need to be communicated with understanding that there has to be some flexibility and there will be times when you have to make real time adjustments and it might not be as comfortable for some than it is for others. But I don't know if you've ever seen the video of a conference call in real life where you've got dogs barking in the background and you've got people getting blocked out of calls. I think it's giving each other a little latitude and flexibility right now but also personalizing your approach when you can. Is there a way that people can begin to reclaim some sense of agency? I have to imagine some of the stress. People are feeling is caused not just in their work but also just in general over this feeling like they have no control that they're worried about their loved ones. They're worried about themselves. They worried about the country. The worried about the world and most of those are things they can do nothing about. How do we reclaim a feeling of control as saw an interesting diagram and it said fear can stand for one of two things it can stand for? Forget everything and run or it can stand for face everything and rise. I think that one of the most important things we can do is recognize that fear anxiety and ambiguity are okay. Most of us try to run from uncomfortable emotions. We try to numb them getting through them as quickly as we can. But you can't microwave anxiety you can't microwave grief. You can't microwave fear you have to be able to sit in those for a little bit? It's actually easier for your brain to navigate a real threat that you know then an uncertain than you don't and so your brain is doing everything. It can to create predictable patterns so that you can be certain and right now. There are no predictable patterns so you might find yourself. More tired are getting tired more easily earlier. You might find more decision. Fatigue you might find more anxiety and those are all very normal things but simply acknowledging that. That's what you're feeling and know that a feeling is fleeting and emotion is just that it doesn't mean you have to act or behave a certain way because of that feeling so it's sitting there and going okay. My brain is trying to protect me and part of that. Protection Mechanism is something called the negativity bias and a million years ago. If you were running through a forest or a field and there was a sabertooth tiger charging at you and there was a beautiful field of flowers right next to you. Your brain would give way more time and attention to the tiger. Because the flowers aren't gonNA eat you and so. Your brain has evolved over estimate threats and underestimate opportunities meaning. Our brain is like Velcro to negative and Teflon to positive. If you've ever gotten a performance review where you're told you do nine things exceptionally well but you have one opportunity for growth. Well when you're laying in bed at night ruminating that's where your brain goes in. You started. I'll give you an opportunity for growth. Let me tell you something about you. That you don't know we just start laid there till it ourselves stories. I think it's important to understand that. There's a difference between the emotion and the story. You're telling yourself about it it's okay to feeling Zaidi. What's not okay is when we start. Judging that feeling I shouldn't feel this way. It's not right it doesn't make any sense. Be Kind and patient with yourself. There's no good or bad feeling fleeting emotions and if you can start to embrace those instead of run from them and not judge them as good or bad or right or wrong but just observe what they are and where you feel that in your body. That's using mindfulness. As a way to practice self care to overcome challenges and to use some of this uncertainty to get stronger. I WanNa stay with this for just a little bit but book that I wrote about the fact that we're over driven overly focused on productivity and all trying to hustle etcetera etcetera etcetera. Just came out and I think a lot of people are going to struggle with having been suddenly shifted to neutral and we haven't set up our lives in a way for people to have something to do at home right. We don't have hobbies anymore. Most of the things everybody does are centered around either their kids or their work and their career and their branding. And it's almost all based on some kind of productivity so any advice for people who are at home and some of the is simply caused by the fact that they don't know what to do right and I can tell you. I don't want to appear hypocritical. I am very goal oriented person. Who's always been naturally focused on efficiency? And how do I get more done faster and accomplish my goals and what we're learning about the way that we work in about? Our brain is the in an effort to do that. We actually make ourselves less productive and this is a time when we have a unique opportunity that we have not had before. And we've lost the art being still. We've lost the art of being alone with our feelings without engaging in social media all day long. We've lost the art of knowing that we are not human doings we are human beings and so this is a perfect time. Pick up a hobby right. It's one of those things you know you can start painting. You can start drawing. You can take a walk. I started doing a a youtube channel. Yoga with Adrian. Because and she's actually based in Austin where I live and while I haven't had the chance to meet or you feel like you know or just this quick yoga routine that you can do each day to recenter yourself but this is the time to practice. Mindfulness and mindfulness mean you're sitting in a full Lotus Position Finding Years. Any eating Tofu. Mindfulness means you're learning to be still with your thoughts and one way to do that is through meditation now. Being goal oriented achievement oriented fast. Paced person to meditation. Was like the opposite of a good time. It felt like I was playing whack-a-mole with my thoughts I tried to breathe and then wonder what we were having for dinner. Or why my luggage or why I forgot to email you back and what research has told us is that that is normal and that is what your brain will naturally do. Your brain doesn't stop but every time you bring yourself back to the present moment you're actually training your brain to direct. Its attention where you want it to go rather than where it will naturally go on. Its own so what that means is our gray matter in our brain is the part of our brain that controls emotional regulation and attention management. And when meditating you're training your brain and bringing it back so that means if you're naturally one of those Super Uber Productive People that are wondering why in the world you're not getting ton done or how to get it done. Take a couple deep breaths reset your nervous system and instead of being in the threat state. I think the real goal is to focus on the outcome. Not The activity. We're used to being busy being busy. And in an office environment where we're constantly interrupted and bombarded that happens but work will expand to fill the amount of time you have so rather than focus on activity. Focus on the outcome. What is the one goal that you need to accomplish? And what are one or two action steps? You can take to move yourself closer toward that but it's also okay to sit back and you be still in model. That behavior for your kids have a discussion around mealtime around something that you're grateful for or share your forecast quarantine strategy or really. Try to think of ways that you can stay connected even in the face of social distance. But it's a real opportunity for everyone in the world to take a moment and reevaluate how we work and the pace at which we work and whether that's serving us or not is there any joy do you think are there opportunities for joy ear. Absolutely I think there's more opportunities than we could possibly even realize yesterday. I live in Austin but I very rarely just go walk downtown. I very rarely just go see things so. Yesterday I went to all these quirky murals and took pictures. You know the I love you so much tacos nor I also love tacos. Who Doesn't have tacos? And so I think it's absolutely important to make time for joy. Make that a goal. Play Board Games reconnect go back to basics. Help other people. That's one of the greatest things you can do. It's the highest momentary increase in Serotonin dopamine than any exercise tested and we are on a next door APP. So we see what's going on in the neighborhood and I'm seeing people offer to do to go grocery shopping for the elderly or people offering their toilet paper. Not only does it make you feel good to have someone do something. Nice for you. It's actually called a helpers high and it makes you and your family feel better knowing that you're making an impact and having a positive impact on others so absolutely yeah. There are ways to find joy. We just have to do it differently. And we're used to finding it happy hour in a bar so happy. Our zoom call right. We're used to going out for a run. So do plank offs with your kids like who can hold a plank the longest or who can do the most squats. There are ways that you can get creative. And I've seen lots of articles online about fun activities to do with your kids while you're trapped in the house but what I want people to know is you don't have to stay trapped in your house. This isn't a quarantine to your home. This just means that you shouldn't be going too crowded places or public places. You can still go for a walk. You can still go enjoy the outdoors. You can still go play with your dog. Sound simple even talking to a plant has been found to uplift our spirit and make a measurable difference in the Serotonin and dopamine that. We have so in my plants like listen to near to and they don't talk back and they're not judgmental except for mine it keeps dying but other than that yes. There are lots of ways to find joy. Just make that a priority and greedy. Thank you so much and I hope you stay. Well I hope you do as well and I just WANNA give everybody just a quick heads up if you want to learn more about your own resilience. You can get a free resilient self assessment by texting five five five eight eight eight and chat the word strength so by texting five five eight eight eight and writing the word strength. You'll get a resilient self-assessment resources and a bunch of things that you can do to stay resilient in light of the uncertainty that we're facing but it's a choice. It's one you have to make multiple times throughout the day and I'm so glad I was part of being able to share that. I think your message is probably going to help a lot of people. I really appreciate your time. Absolutely my pleasure and greedy is a bestselling author to Time Speaker. An expert on resilience. If you enjoyed this conversation. I hope you're subscribe and also write a review on I tunes or Google play or wherever you get your podcasts. That helps other people find us and be sure to check out more offerings from one of the conferences for women near you. The conferences for women is the largest network of women's conferences in the nation drawing more than forty five thousand women and men to its annual events in Boston Philadelphia Austin and Silicon Valley for now. I'm Celeste Hedley. This is women amplified from the conferences for women. Thank you so much for listening. Be Kind and be well.

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Does Happiness Proceed Success? The Research on a Positive Mindset Changing Your Business & Life with Guest Don Sandel

OC Talk Radio

47:18 min | 2 years ago

Does Happiness Proceed Success? The Research on a Positive Mindset Changing Your Business & Life with Guest Don Sandel

"The Satellite Lounge presents an evening with the progressive box. That's you go tickling the Ivories. He just saved by bundling home and Auto Progressive GonNa finally ring for that Gal of Yours Hugo send him my condolences this next one st there's in my thank you because insurance company and affiliates discounts not available in all states or situations. Welcome to the confident R._O._I.. To success come before happiness or does happiness perceived success as we're gonNA talk about today. Our guest today is focused. His career on determining how positive mindset in attitude has an impact on people's success. He's done a lot of research in this done. A Lotta training came up through United Airlines as a trainer corporate trainer as well as the North West Medical Facility in Chicago and his real world experiences in research. He's gone really deep on this. He's et now sharing it with the world in his firm. Go positive our guest is Don Sandal and you're going to be able to answer that question. What comes first happiness or success a lot of us? Get it wrong so enjoy the interview dawn. sandhill welcome to the confident R._O._I.. Thanks Alex really happy to be here well. You should be your go. You come from positive so we would have an issue if you were all believe me. I I hear it especially from my kids. If if I'm not a happy optimistic and positive or why here it so yeah good point yeah I have the same my my wife and daughter are always always reminding me things in thinker important did especially in group dynamics. I you know business you say this but what about families could ask so they they throw it back at you a little bit yeah I've been there without we were talking just for we started hearted about your experiences and stories and you were mentioning that use add an experienced the tested your positives mindset. It took everything you have to get through. Can you share it with our audience. It's you want to relive that. Do you inherited help. You and we're GonNa talk about how the positive mindset can can help to lead toward success and the father of positive psychology psychology study in the research by but nothing like a good story against start yeah. Well you know sometimes our biggest obstacles are the ones that we put their ourselves and this one is going to be relatable dateable. I'm sure to almost all of your listeners in it's it was an experience I had last week. We had the polar vortex that went across the Midwest and I was lucky enough to be traveling of course it wasn't a trip to Phoenix or or southern California. It was a trip to <hes> Columbus Ohio wonderful place wonderful people but <HES> <HES> I ended up being in O'hare airport waiting for my flight. I had three flights cancel I was is there get this Alex. I was there at Nine A._M.. And I didn't get to my destination until one A._M.. The next morning so talk about a test of exactly what I teach exactly what a breach and you know it's just one. You're not the so you don't have to make a note. It was one simple flight but of course the airlines were being being safe and being careful and I'm glad that they were but it's those types of things when you're in the airport in your having cancelation after cancellation insulation and you're surrounded by people who are frustrated right in and it becomes a contagion in its that's when you have to be aware of your mindset the intentional about you know <hes> kind of your thought process <hes> avoiding the negative thoughts and going okay. How do I make the best of this? I was fine. I ended up getting work done. I talked to more people in more family than I normally do. <hes> and simply put made the best of it could have been a nightmare and quite frankly it was what I was talking to someone about this that that there's research on when you're in a group of people you can pick up on wasn't there. It was some sort of sense they put off in. It's in their sweat that we can sense it and in the duck in the research was then took swept from people who were sweating and swept from people that were upset and they expose it's different people in our eyes and the ones that were the ones that smelled the YEP set sweat. They started to get anxious. There was actually the could sense that were the sweat from <hes> working out in the same effect on other people so literally can pick up that frustration and anxiety from other people yeah. It's a little bit of groups saying yes we can we all <hes> <hes> put officer in energy and we pick up on that usually on an unconscious level <hes> but our behaviors contagion right so when I work with leaders in my talk about positive leadership I bring up for instance the Nicholas Nicholas Chris Chris dacas study from Harvard and it's it's interesting because he was actually studying the contagion aspect of obesity <hes> and smoking and the positive psychologist got the whole of him and said you know maybe we should do a similar study with regard to the contagion of our behavior such as happiness so his his work with regard to <hes> smoking for instance that if you're a smoker smoker the person closest to you as twenty five percent increase chance to be a smoker and the person closest to them has an increased fifteen percent chance to be a smoker and so the end result of this study once they the positive psychologist got ahold of them. They noticed the exact same trend that if you are positive the people closest to you <hes> are going to be more positive and on down the line. It's it's a fascinating study but it says so much about how our behavior affects the people around us well it does and I'd like to know how you came to this just because you start udut long career talent development in training before human resource development starting out was North West medical facility and then spending some time at United Airlines. Eh Pre bankruptcy that when they were employee owned airline I remember coming across some of going. You are not the friendly guy it's actually I would often say yes. I worked for United Airlines. It's not my default. How did you come to S- assume the importance of positive thinking in in its benefits and how it can help with with with obtaining six success yeah? It's it's interesting in. It's a little bit serendipity because <hes> years ago this is more than a decade. I was actually looking into the brain research with regard to learning because my focus was talent development. So how is it that we learn. It's you know all in the brain <hes> and I kept running across the research in positive psychology and I started to focus less on the the brain process of learning learning focusing on the hippocampus and started to more focus on this growing amount of empirical data in Science Science based research on positive psychology and it's it's effect on on us and it wasn't long before I was reading everything that I could in studying seligman and Lubomirski and Frederickson and Sean Acre of course in all of these that went before me and it was fascinating and probably the biggest thing I took from an L._X.. was is that you know when I begin this conversation. Many executive groups will will kind of look at it as a social fortune very nice dawn. I agree with you. I really like this but how does this have business impact but once we look at the research and now we have over two decades of real good science base empirical data that says we are different and we are better when we're happy optimistic and positive I was was hooked so who who started this research every we've were wired to be negative right who who questioned that maybe there's a better way or at least one to research y bobby mcferrin Birdsong was so <unk> so popular yeah yeah I when I came out I get introduced with that song a lot in and I'm starting to say. Can we find another song and it's a wonderful song. Don't always does put me on a good mood but rush you know if we go back to Norman Vincent Peale's bestselling book the power positive thanking normal Vince appeal was right on he was spot on but it wasn't based on the research so what happened was is in Nineteen Nineteen Ninety eight Dr Martin Seligman became the president of the American Psychological Association and what he noticed was in in what he really kind of trumpeted in nineteen ninety eight was look. We're spending all of our hours and all of our time in all of dollars studying the disease model. If something's broke we're going to fix it right. If there's something pathological we're GonNa fix it but he said what if we took all of the energy and all of that or not all of it but more of it and said let study when people are thriving let study when people are flourishing. I think we're going to learn a lot from that so that really began from Kiel to sell it men but what Seligman started started in one thousand nine hundred ninety eight were salad duplicate able research that against said we are different and we are better when we're happy optimistic and positive and the data has shown that to be true and so what what does that mean for someone that <hes> it someone that struggles with being positive that he worked at United Airlines in wintertime times at O'hare. You'RE GONNA deal a lot of it but maybe is that would southwest airlines `success they. They're pretty they've had a policy of trying to recruit people that like to laugh. It's like a really important is that are that difference. Well we all struggle with that because we have a kind of genetic code or or a negatively bias that is is evolutionary. Missionary <hes> if you think about early humankind what were they always looking for there are always looking for danger and our brain hasn't really changed from that we still have a negatively bias. No matter how positive we we are and believe me in what I do in all of the other positive psychology <hes> researchers <hes> it's not happy allergy. We understand that we're GONNA have crappy days right. We we understand that tragedy tragedy judy and in challenge and change is still going to occur but it's about establishing a foundation that where we begin <hes> happy up optimistic and positive we're still going to have rotten days but when we begin with that foundation what I call hop when we begin that with that foundation we're better suited to deal with the winds of change the days of tragedy the days of challenge because we begin at a better place and in in two point I don't want I don't WanNa beat up my hometown. Airline this this some wonderful folks who who worked there and and more often than not I really have a great experience transferred down but so much of this is just perspective and being intentional and saying I'm going to be Jinmei Day positively and Betcha. That's how it's command could you can you give an example of of how this says how someone you've worked with <hes> all the time and that's one of the things that so rewarding about this is that I know it has one business impact but on the individual level it is so moving <hes> when people realize you're right I default to the negative too much <hes> you don't know how many times after a keynote somebody will say I we'll we'll don. Can you talked my spouse no but you can <hes> I had one young lady whose whose mom was just put into hospice and she attended a keynote and she talked to me afterwards yes. She just said this. This was perfect timing because I was very <hes> feeling sorry for myself a well as me in you just helped me to realize that I have a choice in what my the attitude is. I have a choice in however respond to the daily negative things that occur and just just that point about choice in being intentional <hes> about our mindset. I made a huge difference to her so I see this all the time so kinda stumbled into it. <hes> Frankel talked about man's search for meaning in terms of having the choice yeah. There's always that moment of choice right. There's there's that moment of engagement and then we have that just that moment of choice and that determines <hes> how we respond to some how we respond to these these incidents that occur in our life and and yeah I bring up Frankel and that quote often and that's such a powerful teachable moment in I know I have the choice on how to reacted things but oftentimes person cuts me off for doesn't doesn't go when they should go any tricks for <hes> in the override to that initial initial is Madonna's it goes. Why are you hockey at once so much how how did he put a circuit breaker in there well part of it is just asking yourself that question? How does the serve me? I just my response serve Me and if you have that moment of clarity <hes> you'll come to the conclusion. It's usually not I can control my response than I have to remember Frankel. I have to remember <hes> SA- just take a deep breath as Corny corny as that sounds. I know it does but what happens when we take that deep breath we don't let the LIMBIC system override our prefrontal CORTEX. <hes> prefrontal CORTEX is the rational part of our brain is the executive function of our brain and <hes> it gets tired. It gets tired during the course of the day <hes> and we don't have an infinite ability to control ourselves. We don't <hes> or self regulation regulation that Wayne's during the course of the day I bring gets tired so that ability to check ourselves to take depress. Another technique is if we're starting to feel certainly motion and we're starting to feel it takes over is to name how we're feeling because once we may Mitt we are actually pulling our prefrontal cortex back into the equation when it was about to be overridden by Olympic System when we when our prefrontal CORTEX gets overridden the LIMBIC system. It's usually not a good thing so take a deep breath ask. How is it serving me right? <hes> how many airlines have gotten my the middle override Y.. Tex Looking in and we all do that. I still don't do that too but I do it less and less the one thing about taking a deep breath degree of the definitely helps but my daughter always goes frustrated dad not supposed to do I. I love it because we wanted. We want our kids to notice those things in the more they could detect our emotions means the better they can detect their own. So are you agree are you. Are you so you telling you sounds like you're you're actually teaching some some of the meditation or mindfulness practice techniques do you do people know that or just teaching him the getting him over the happy getting to focus on happiness. That's one thing resent. How do you do it? Oh no no that's that that is definitely part of it. Because <hes> you know meditation when I teach meditation you should I always say look you're not smelling any incense. No noticed that I'm not wearing any flowing robes <hes> the the empirical data of of you know the last decade fifteen years around meditation our brains change <hes> <hes> we we grow new neurons when we meditate we improve our immune systems on your meditate. We mitigate the stress of the day we <hes> it's a great way to push that cortisol from stress during the course the day out of our system. It's incredibly powerful but part of it is perspective right so many people when they think about meditation they think of kind of eastern philosophy in eastern cultures man that is moved it has moved to Western culture and in so many CEOS are are meditating and buying into mindfulness and if it helps our employees to mitigate their stress and help them to show up better each day and even if they do it for three to five minutes in the middle of the morning in the middle of the afternoon and they give their brains arrest and they get back control of their own minds. That's incredibly powerful shall. Why wouldn't somebody embrace that? It's the sounds like you're really it. You talk about posits you hear your company's aims. Go positive without the and you are. You're teaching people `Bout House. Six success generally comes after happiness where most people believe success. You GotTa be successful in order to be happy but it really to me. It sounds like you really teaching people how to how Eh rewire the brains out a gap the brains absolutely look we we are genetically predisposed to have a negative bias and that made sense when we were being chased by wild animals animals <hes> and it doesn't they're just done email yeah. There's that too but <hes> to be able to change that mindset in realize that there is incredible power our and being happy optimistic and positive. Here's here's here's here's my theses. Alex is it's when we embrace this mindset and we shift from negatively bias to positively bias we are are more focused more disciplined more innovative more creative. We're actually smarter <hes> they've done studies with students and they've primed them to be positive neutral oh or negative before taking safe for instance math achievement jess and invariably duplicated every single time insistently the ones who score the best on a math achievement test of the ones that reprised to be happy before they took the tasks. Why did I know that Nice Schooling College woulda helped so so were smarter <hes> we we have better recall we have better memory were better able due to <hes> leverage the power of her own brains and we open up the learning centers of our brain when we have this hop mindset so again it's not just a social virtue or we're are different and we are better when we're happy optimistic composite? So how can someone cultivate of positive mindset yeah yeah in it takes intention in it takes so what I do in in in my workshop is I do spend a little bit of time Alex talking about the brain in talking about the neuroscience and talking about neurotransmitters to get released when we're when we're in that mindset and that's part of what makes us different in better better <hes> and there's a number of research back techniques that help us to to have that mindset <hes> we talked earlier of about the number one way to raise your happiness in a scores. Get this get this. It's it's gratitude so so why gratitude we right if we see this all over the place these days it's ubiquitous gratitude but but when we change our brain to focus on gratitude instead of negativity we're literally teaching our brain to default to the positive instead of the negatives now we don't need to <hes> do the gratitude exercise every single day you know dosage is important if we did gratitude every single day I think we'd get bored with it. We'd run out of things to be grateful for. I keep on saying I'm grateful for Alex but by the Third Day <music> I'm tired of being grateful for so dosages important so if you do that two or three times a week and you have a primer that reminds you you start to change that neural structure that says I have negatively bias. In your brain goes Oh. I see what you're doing. You want me to look for things to be grateful for you. Want me to look for positive things so we didn't so we do that that exercise Alex another one we do we do the same exercise so so when we experienced something <hes> positive the broncos great. I'm glad something positive happened but it doesn't really put it into long-term memory unless it was extremely emotional but if it's just just a positive thing that happened during the course of the brain the brain doesn't want to take that space so it says great gone right not in long term memory may be short term memory but when something negative happens in our brain the brain goes oh I can learn from that Ah let me store that long term memory so it's really important that we save her the positive moments the positive events when our when your daughter notices something about about your behavior Alex that's awesome. You should be proud of her. That's a moment to save her. The more we do that the more we chains neural structure in our brain and we stopped defaulting to the negative in we start defaulting to the positive more off does great because now I understand why a lot of companies are doing groups or doing team later. You're doing coaches. <hes> this exercise of what were your wins started a weekly meeting the what were your wins this weekend. I didn't understand why it in anything to it. Gets you thinking about positive mindset and <hes> looking for things win something to be grateful for yeah got N._F.. We do and and there's a number of techniques and you gotta you gotTa find the techniques that worked for you right because what you don't WanNa do have a great workshop your read a great article about it or your podcast and and you you you just do the one or two things maybe that you heard but there's probably a good fifteen to twenty techniques that <hes> a research based that were duplicated right that said these these things we know for sure help our brain change from that negatively by stoop to positively bias for the long term <hes> in in that's that's that's actually a really good good point and we should focus on that that the way that we typically per store happiness Alex touchdown this is is quite frankly wrong and we need a new paradigm because lots of times. It's I'm not going to be happy and tell Ryan tell it gets a new car. Hi Mary the perfect spouse I give the big house in the suburbs but most of those are <hes> short-term pleasures that don't give us long-term results so if you engage in those things they changed the neural structure for the long term. You'll actually have that foundation of of happy optimistic composite is you you talk about in your in your videos. Seeing you talk about success does not come after happiness. Happiness precede success and I've gotten stuck in that trap sure when we did this done in this is successful. They'll be happy they cut it went back to school. Jin Scores like betting get the homework done. Get good test scores. You know I wouldn't get get punished so as like can't be you know unless this is done. There's going to be paying in the future yeah. If you take anything from this it is that it is that paradigm shift because our whole society in our whole Marketing <hes> Kinda tells us that you're going to be happy with these things <hes> but you're exactly right we need to change that paradigm from from <hes> success I and then happiness no happiness precedes success in fact the data tells us the researched it tells us that <hes> happiness precede success in fact happiness causes S.'s success so focused not on your success focus on our raison d'etre right the Dalai Lama said that the <hes> the reason for life is to pursue happiness right <hes> so if we put that I not in a selfish way in fact the best happiness is happiness that includes others but if we really focus on happiness happiness <hes> virtuous happiness not short term pleasures but virtuous happiness and we have that foundation that creates upwards spirals that improve our relationships are partnerships are collaborations operations business impact do know that the data tells us Alex that when businesses embrace this they improve almost every measurable metric every measurable outcome come in their business including the bottom line. That's that's profound. It's different. It's unique. This is niche for sure but the data tells us it so when we when you define happiness happinesses is like trying to define with color green as I mean it's it's it can be hard to grant to Ge- aggrastat in was <hes> the Peterson and his twelve rules for lice talks about happiness he is it happiness or meaning for in is it contentment with with what where you're at happiness happiness without meaning and I'm quoting strong Acre here and others but happiness without meaning is merely pleasure right so so it is a little bit more <hes> in community immunity building solid relationships <hes> and a deeper sense of happiness not that short term. I get happy when I eat snickers bars and I love doritos okay. That's short term but you're GONNA pay for that later. So is it really is a bottom line. It's being thoughtful about how you approached this in being intentional about how you approach this and quite eight frankly during a little bit of the research so taking the extreme example Frankel found meaning in a concentration camp <unk> thick of the worst ever possible situation he was never we're going to be happy but he found meaning and that no one could change non could affect how he felt internally yeah about things tackiness because it was the power to be control of one's own mind and not having emotionally real sure and once you give into the external things once you give into others and others define line your happiness others define your response within. You've lost your opportunity so <hes> you know Franklin. Covey famously talked about <hes> or Stephen Covey's the famously talked about <hes>. Bring your own sunshine. So what if it's raining outside so so what if somebody else is unhappy and they're affecting the climate in the room. It's how we respond to it. It's the same thing with stress I talk talk about. Stress in the workshop stresses a killer <hes> but but external stress is not going to change. It's always gonNA be there so it's how they respond to it. That's where we need to learn. It's not mitigating the External Colonel Stress. It's learning how we respond to it and taking ownership of my response as interesting because of this this relationship of golf. We've been legally separated for a while but I've been there the thing it's like I don't ever play well until I totally give up on the ramp and it's not so much like not caring but just I think it's what I start. Enjoy the walk in and enjoy being outside and might take a little while but I just plays the first time six months and I was at rental clubs and butter was the wrong ended. 'cause I put less in it was raining putter. You're not the right Senegal clubs and I started out playing poorly wasn't big deal. Start enjoying the walk. My is nice weather as joy in I knew realize it was in the end your one under for the last ten holes I had no idea but I had given up on the round about you know about fourteen rolls into it but I think it was just my mindset of just enjoying it enjoying that moment everything was was perfect in the weather that visibility it see the mountains and everything and it's just but I think it goes to what you're saying. That success came after I was happy was doing what I would do. It yeah in that that is is another lesson no different than when we're driving in rush hour traffic. It's rush hour traffic. What do you expect <hes> in? You notes all drive. That is an unfair expectation. You're going to be miserable every time you drive. That's one of those things that we talk about. We laugh about in in when I speak when I teach and everybody has that same experience and and I don't know how many times I've heard people say that that was one of the biggest changes in their life as they realized they have absolute no control over that they have an absolute no control over that and they're sitting in in traffic and all of a sudden. They're enjoying the music they're enjoying talk radio. They put on a podcast. They're making phone calls to family in relationships that maybe they normally wouldn't make there's a great way to use that time when you're stuck in traffic but I do but I do love it Alex that you brought up sports listened to athletes especially golfers after a bad round or after a good game or after a good round and you start to hear things like confidence mindset attitude in how much that plays into our outcomes I was thinking about that actually preparing for this and and I remember I think it was a friend Fred couples the Golfer who has taught me about how just not having people at negative thoughts around that was a negative comments that was really key in order to be to be in that right mindset in the that a lot of golfers just didn't light people at negative mindsets around them because they have a lot of things outside their control. They're dealing. Wasn't there trying to get a little white alone hole in that. Up that keeping not letting creep in we've talked about earlier. Oh we pick up on it from other this this discussion about athletics in a way underpins exactly what we're talking about about because we have all experienced <hes> the theses behind go positive and what I do. We've all had a presentation we had to give in and we just didn't have the right mindset before handwrite didn't have confidence didn't prepare and we went into it with failure in our mind well then what of course was our outcome convy. We've all experienced that but then we had another presentation where we worse so confident in excited we couldn't wait to give the presentation and re completely owned it. That's mindset. It's no different than when you're standing at the free. Throw line in your taking that moment to envision the ball going in. That's not about your muscles. That's about your brain. <hes> this idea of muscle memory your muscles don't have memory but your brain does so it's all about what's in our brain that is so critical in so important performance begins with the brain and our people doing things. Today's Kurt lifestyle is at detrimental to the brain and mindset softball walkway of course of course absolutely <hes> T._v.. Marketing are playing upon our psychology and our weaknesses in our lack of confidence <hes> no doubt about it social media. There's some fascinating research out there about social media in these social comparisons that naturally occur when we're on facebook and somebody on a shiny new car new house or look at how great my life is look at how wonderful my kids are will folks if when you see that instead of being happy for them you know Oh wait hold it. I didn't get that new car. I didn't get that house. My kids aren't looked ever were off failing. We all make we're wired to compare ourselves. We are absolutely wired. You compare ourselves that too is evolutionary because because early humankind it was all about social status who was going to be at the top and therefore <hes> survive in let their genes perpetuate right so so so that that is so hard of our makeup but one of the things that we talk about in one of the techniques that we talked about is limits your social media use in be aware of your responses to social media so much of it is wonderful. It's awesome. It's fascinating but if we don't manage our mindset in our response we will default to a woe is me common common default that were wire for that for ten thousand one ten thousand years. Have you seen any of the research on sleep and how that Tim backing people in their billion manager emotions absolutely sleep is is so important in the data data from the last decade has has been fascinating. You know when we sleep. It's it's it's it's fascinating of course the brain is still working so when we sleep <hes> the brain is solving the problems of the day and if you're ever woken up and you're in the shower and you had a good night's sleep and you're in the shower and your shampooing and you get this great idea and you go oh my God it must be the shampoo. It's it's is not up to your brain was solving the problems of the day subconsciously while you were sleeping but here's the other fascinating thing about sleep. That's our time of renewal. That's our time where our brain rose new neurons runs <hes> we regenerate <hes> it gives power to our immune systems are cognitive abilities for the next day <hes>. It's very very powerful. Here's one unique thing that they must people don't know about sleep when we sleep <hes> our brain actually cleanses itself so we get spinal fluid and it goes into the cerebral cortex which is basically the macaroni part of the brain and <hes> the little macaroni the fishers actually opened up ever so slightly and the spinal fluid goes in and cleanses our brain it moves out the dead neurons it moves out the toxins from the day <hes> which is really really healthy for our brain part of the reason why <hes> sleep is so important to a cognitive abilities the next day our personality the next day <hes> so against along that process it's the cleanser brain takes hunting and more than six hours you. You're so smart Alex Yeah you're right. It's it's about seven to eight hours. It takes so sleep is really really important to end it also is important to her happiness. Because we perform better we have better relationships were in better moods so getting sleep exercising exercises in other one. It's so important to our brain brain health our body health in her mental health and the studies in research is there to back it up. That's kind of burn the Golden Era Twenty years now actually see inside the brain and start to see what's going on that now they're now now. They're fighting out why some of these techniques and concepts and other learn about sleep you know what had actually does and what the brain looks like with sleeping vowed yeah the ever since the advent of 'em awry and F._M.. Awry we don't have to wait until somebody has a damage to a certain part of their brain to determine what lights up in the brain and what affects <hes> what tired of the brain affects our ability to function to speak to learn to move our arms now we have 'em Orion. We can literally dive into the brain in determine. Where's the blood going in the brain? What's lighting up and it's it's it's been fascinating and then that's why so much of what we teach? In talk about Alex is underpinned by the research because now we can pure inside the brain in when his here's one thing that that they've been able to determine airman debt social pain <hes> is is lights up in the same area of the brain as physical pain which is which is which is really really fascinating so <hes> <hes> <hes> explains why we have an Oakley issue yeah yeah in that you know that gets to addiction because <hes> dopamine is really important to feeling unhappy when you feel happy and we do exercises <hes> purposely to execute happiness right and to get a release of dopamine or Serotonin are actually toasted will do that on purpose during during the workshop <hes> and we get this release of of of dopamine which is a wonderful gift and it helps us to pursue our goals and we get on its key to the brain's reward pathway but that's also part of addiction and that people get addicted to drugs and that release of dopamine and they want more of it and they want more of it so it's a little bit of that double edged sword. I suppose drugs although caffeine his technically drug I mean coffee and red wine. I mean dopamine delivered dopamine for you in it's it's it's that reminder of being intentional being control of our mindset and everything in moderation those rewards to live well. We've covered a lot done any other thoughts before we wrap it up here and people people people know how they can industrial you. Well yeah in. It's just going back to the underpinning that scientists told us that we are different and we are are better when we're happy optimistic and positive <hes> our brain changes are abilities change. Our intelligence changes are -bility to collaborate and and build partnerships so it's not just the social virtue anymore. It is a paradigm shift and a way to <hes> take control of our life take control of our outcomes. <hes> remember that that happiness recede success in fact happiness causes success and for intentional about that the world in the universe is going to bring some really good things but it's up to us to control alert mindset in their their science to support. That's right that's right and that's what makes this so much fun. People go. I know all visits really fun. It's really nice but it's baked in the science. I think we've entered this phase. As of wheat. People aren't starving to death anymore and we have the basic essentials but we're in this touted we actually figure out how to live with all this abundance and this is part of the process is how how do you wire your brain on you make decisions in order to get the optimal outcomes and it doesn't happen just by accident. Some people might be born better to do this than others for sure. Some people might be genetically. We predisposed to be happier and more positive versus. Maybe are negative cousins but if we're intentional about it and we do a little bit of the research man the outcomes are wonderful all right well. How can people get in touch with the they'd like to inquire about your workshops and the savory exercise savoring exercise yes savoring exercise <hes> let it sit there and our cranium a little bit longer so yeah yeah in? Thank you very much Alex. It's a blast talking into you thought you ask wonderful questions. I had a blast <hes> people could reach out to me even if they just want more information about what I'm doing or just supporting articles or supporting data or supporting studies <hes> Don at go positive positive without the E. DOT com or just go to my website. Go positive without the DOT com all right Donald. Thanks for coming on and aggregrate grade Eden. Thank if you buy friend. We'll talk to you soon. If you're liking confident are why we're even if you don't please leave us review on I tunes or wherever you listen to this podcast. Thanks no an ad from dad all right save money on car insurance when you bundle home and auto with progressive right. What is this wow?

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Practicing Gratitude With Deborah Heisz

Live Happy Now

20:19 min | 2 years ago

Practicing Gratitude With Deborah Heisz

"Welcome to live happy. Now. This is your host Paula Phelps. Can you for joining us today for a special thanksgiving themed episode this week? We're hearing a lot about thankfulness and hear it live happy. It's something we like to talk about all year long live happy CEO, Deborah highs drops in this week to talk more about why gratitude is so important what it really means. And what it can do for us. Well, it's always wonderful to have you in the studio and on the line. Thank you so much for taking time to talk to us today. Well, it is my pleasure. And I know we're gonna talk about one of my favorite topics. So that even makes it more. My pleasure. Getting to spend twenty to thirty minutes. Talking about stuff, you love is never a burden, and as you all know, I love love happy. And I love our topic for today. Yeah. This is one of my favorites too. So that's why I was really excited talk to you about it. Because I like it you like it. It's gonna be fun. So I guess we should let everyone else know that what we're luding to is gratitude. Yes being. Being grateful key part of living a happy life. You know, what's interesting is that we get so much about gratitude during November thanksgiving is coming up when we talk about thankfulness and and outside of live. Happy walls at tends to often get neglected the rest of the year like we don't give a whole lot of attention to gratitude or to being thankful. Do you see that tide turning at all, you know, I think I do? And maybe it's because I live in a little bit of a bubble. Dislike you doing that? This is what we do. We're out building this. And we talk about it all the time. But you know, we have a civil discourse problem right now. And. Yeah. And it's obvious problem for those of you who you Horgan's much later, you gotta know where we're recording this on election day. So if you know what I mean by by a civil discourse, it's a really an incidence course right now or an uncivil discourse. And I think there's a bit of a backlash to that. In that there's a certain group of the population that isn't grateful and or expressing gratitude, perhaps they're grateful, but they're expressing it. And there's a lot of negativity out there and the closer you get to election day, which is today, the more you see it, and the more you hear it and feel it, but I also see buried underneath all that on social media. And social media channels is Lord group of people who are really just trying to promote gratitude and being grateful. I guess you know, you have to extremes going on. But you know, if I opened up if I look at Facebook look at Instagram if every articles online, there's this sneaky little back door of people saying, hey, you know, what we? Should be happy. We should be kinder. We should be nicer will be should be more grateful for what we have that. I think is almost spawned by what people were sitting on the media. Yeah. It's almost like it's been so extreme and so negative that even people who may be didn't like three years ago weren't practicing this. They're trying to find like how do I manage my life in this in the face of so much negativity? And that's where they're finding things like gratitude and says a means of coping with it. Yeah. I think you're right. I mean, obviously, not obviously, but to me, and you it's obvious. Neither one of us are psychologists or social psychologists, but observational -ie I do think there's a fatigue of being bombarded with negative messaging and people try and find their way out of that. And you know, what I love about. Gratitude is it's an internal practice that doesn't require anybody else that you can use to really take. Yourself out of negative situations from an emotional perspective. And you explain that's a really great point. Can you explain how that works? How do you use gratitude in that practice? Also, you might not normally think like you would that wouldn't be the first thing you go to like there's this incivility going on. So I'm going to be grateful. What's the connection? How do you bridge that? Well for me. It's really I'm going to take it out of the incivility conversation because I try and stay out of that conversation. I mean, I have personal beliefs. I I feel strongly about some things, but I try not to engage in. I'm going to use the word aggressive dialogue constructive dialogue. I'll be happy to have but aggressive dialogue. I just think that's not healthy for the world. Really? But let's talk about it from another perspective. Which is, you know, our natural impulse to want more or to want to be right or to want our way, which I guess does tie back into a lot of discourse going on a lot of times when we. Don't get our way, we're frustrated when we don't get what we want refrigerated when we want more than we can afford were frustrated we tend to negative activties like if you want something that you can't afford. But you have a credit limit that might allow you to buy it. You may buy it. Anyway, and have buyer's remorse for the next thirty years while you pay it off Nuuk that credit card Bill where it says if you pay just the minimum ballots, you're gonna pay six times owed over the the rest of your life. We'll take you the rest of your life. You know? But we all do these things we all do these negative things when we're unhappy because we don't have we don't we don't get away. While the way I use gratitude is sometimes when I don't get what I want. I remind myself of what I have. And what I'm grew really genuinely grateful for you know, I might think about you know, how I'm frustrated that for me, I've gotta get on another airplane. And I've gotta take another business trip. And I don't wanna be away from my family. But then I can think about the fact that my career my profession away. Allows me to care for my family and to give them things that are important for their development as to send my children to private school to to pay for their sports to be able to take them on a vacation to be able to have quality time with them. I'm grateful for the job that is taking me to negative space because I've got to get on a plane and be away from where from home for a week. So that's one example, another example might be reminding myself that I have enough that wanting more I have enough or being grateful that little things happen in the world. Maybe we didn't get all of what we wanted from the last election, but maybe there's a small victory or maybe we did get what we want from the last election, but we're frustrated that people are unhappy about it. But there's something in there to be grateful for and largely when it comes to that sort of. This course, you know, I know people around the world listen to this podcast. So please don't take take fence. But I am happy that I was born here, and I'm free to make choices and free to choose my own profession, and I'm free to choose to live. How I wanna do will how I want to regardless of what the rest of the world, thanks about the choices. I've made at least in this country provided. You're not hurting someone else you have that ability. So I do find a lot of gratitude in that. And lot of gratitude, and the fact that the world is changing to become more accepting of different types of people. And I consider a lot of the negative commentary to be kind of a backlash to this change the world is undergoing so I'm grateful for the change even though it's causing this discourse. And I've talked about this for a long time I've gone on and on, but I use gratitude in a multitude of ways to really make my world manageable for laugh for lack of a better description because the reality is you can't be grateful in angry at the same time. You really? You bring up such a great point in the fact that you're finding those little nuggets, even in the midst of everything seems not great you find something to be grateful for and that's really where trueblue gratitude starts flourishing within us is in it. Because if you can take a negative situation say the loss of a loved one, and as difficult as it is if you can focus on the fact that you are grateful for the time you had with him. You're the grateful for the amount of love that you shared things like that just find that little piece in all the darkness that little piece of light. And that's really where gratitude can start to grow. It is. And you know, I I want to you know, I think sometimes people forget, it's okay to be sad. I mean, it's okay to be upset. It's okay to be angry. But you don't want to live there. So you have to find little nuggets to walk out. And gratitude is a great way to recenter you're thinking it also I think for me, it reduces. Anxiety, you know, because it's you can transition into a fear mode. If what you're doing is, always pursuing and sometimes you have to stop and take stock in the world and go, hey, you know, what I've got this. I'm grateful for this. I've got what I need. I may not have what I want. But it reduces the exile. I don't need the new car that I thought I was going to get. But now, I'm not gonna get because I had to pay medical Bill. You know, people get upset about crazy stuff, and that's not necessarily crazy thing. But people get upset about crazy stuff. But sometimes it's just reminding yourself where you are in the world. And you know, another piece of we're not talking about is sharing your gratitude, and how that impacts others. Yeah. That is a huge part of the practice because I love that upward spiral that it creates. Yeah. It it does make an impact mean just to stop someone in the office and say, thank you. It's such an easy thing to do. But there was a study done where only third of people have ever say say believe they have ever been thanked for their work in an office. All my gosh. No wonder people hate going to work, right? And think about how easy it is to say when you know. Obviously, I'm a manager. Lots of people work for me. Now, he's just for me to say. Thank you for that. I really appreciate it. You made my life easy easier by doing that. It really does make the person who receives that complement or that. Thank you feel so much better. And then here's the kicker. It makes you feel so much better too. Because you're taking the time to express appreciation it actually makes you feel better. And these are little things we forget gratitude actually grows when you share it. I mean, it's really kind of if I share it with somebody else. They're grateful. Well, if you're grateful, you're more likely to share it with somebody else and so on and so on and so on like you said it's upward spiral. And there's no downside to it. It's not like if I do this. I have to okay, you have to lose some of your negative, and he have to lose some of your grumpiness. But other than that if you want to consider that a downside there, really no negative side effect to gravitate. No, there's no negative side. Checked and it's free every single moment free and easy to access every single moment of your life. Well, here's something that I do know about you as you, and I are similar in the fact that for both of us gratitude comes easily it's one of our top five character strength, banks. And so we kind of get a little day pass when it comes to practicing it because it does something that's very easy for us. It comes naturally. So what about people who don't have that as a natural strength? How do they go about cultivating that and really nurturing it? So it becomes more natural for them. Well, one of my favorite exercises, and this this comes out of the via strength book, Sean acre talks about it has ball. In fact, fact almost every happiness practices book. It's an art. It's in live happy ten practice choosing joy gratitude one of the practices. It's an almost every book you could ever pick up because it works. If you wanna work on your gratitude and believe me gratitude has a massive impact. On your life. And you don't have to believe me. There's all sorts of statistics out there. Studies out there that show that gratitude has an impact on your overall happiness and well-being without a doubt. And I'll try and get actually we'll get the editors to post some of those some of that information on the website when this podcast posted. So people can go there and look at it. But one of the easiest practices to do. It's easy to do. And it's easy not to do. So you actually have to do it for it to work is taken journal and put it next to your bed and everyday at the end of the evening right down three things, you're grateful for and they have to be specific. It can't be grateful for my three children Zack in Quin every single day. 'cause yesterday grateful for them a more specific instance, white be I am grateful that my son Zach gave me a big hug when I came through the door today because I really needed it. That's a very specific example. Those are the things you need to write down, and you only need to write down three and some. Days you might just be grateful that you made it home, and it's time to go to bed and you wanna turn off the lights, and that's it. And that's okay as their days like that for all of us. Even those of us that live Abby we have days like that. But what will happen if you do this for twenty one days, you're gonna start practicing? Gratitude naturally, you're gonna start thinking of things to be grateful for more importantly, you're going to be noticing things to be grateful for in your day. And you're gonna at the end of the day you need to write that now. And what a study that was done on. This shows is that if you do this for just twenty one days, and then you stop six months later, your overall wellbeing is still perceived to be higher than it was before and that self perceived you yourself perceive, your overall wellbeing to be better six months from now. Even if you stop that practice on the twenty first day, don't continue it. So that's a really good way to like become a gratitude junkie to get into it. Because then you're noticing things to be grateful for and suddenly the world's full. Negativities it's full of things that be thankful for and that one what a great practice to input into your life. Right. And we know that as you one of the things that happens is each of those twenty one days, your brain is waking up going. Oh my gosh. I got to think about what I'm going to be grateful for it. And I so you're spending that day looking for what am I grateful for and that you turn that mechanism on it'll stay on after that twenty one days you'll continue to look for things that you should be thankful for. And if you stop doing it, you might even miss it. You might say, hey, I gotta write that down. Yeah. A great reference to once you've done it. If you look back over those twenty one days, and you read those things that you've written down it really does jog your memory. And you have this things to be grateful for book at the end. Right. What is it twenty one times three? I've got Sixty-three aims to be grateful for normally good at math. That was a momentary lapse we have sixty three things to be grateful for it's a phenomenal reference. If you start feeling. Open it up and work at it. It's great another practice that has recommended via strengths book, which I also like is if you feel like you haven't thank somebody appropriately for something. If you think about somebody who did something for you. Maybe it was a teacher. Maybe it was your mom. Maybe it was a friend down the street. Maybe it was somebody who gave you listening year in a very down moment of your life. And they don't even know it take the moment write them a letter now sending it's better. But you don't have to send it, but takes moment and write down. How grateful you are for what they did for you. And share that with them imagine how they're gonna feel receiving that letter. It's really a positive thing to do to actually share your gratitude outwardly. Not just do it for yourself in your journal. But also take that moment to share that with someone else. Because like you said that spiral that upward spiral is only Gribben when we share our gratitude, that's terrific, and those are both really fantastic, practices and vary affect. Tive? And as you know, this is airing the week of thanksgiving. So there's a lot of people that are going to be gathering with family who may or may not share their views or their likes. So what's the big secret for actually experiencing gratitude and thankfulness on thanksgiving? I think it's the same as it is every day because we're always surrounded by people who don't necessarily share our views or likes approve of who we are. We don't always know it like we did with family because family will tell you families little more closer to the surface. But like anything else that's focus on the positive. And remember, it's a moment in time. You know, you're having dinner with someone who has completely different political views than you do doesn't approve of your spouse or thinks that you're raising your children wrong. And I know there are many many people through this podcast who are going to experience that on thanksgiving. It's a moment in time. It's a moment to be thankful. Don't engage in the negative. You know, there's a certain element of. Walking away. There's also a certain element of turning the conversation. Then somebody says something negative to you don't have to respond in kind. You could always say, thank you very much for your opinion and move on. They gave their opinion. You don't have to appreciate what they said. But there is an element of just remember to be thankful in remembrance a moment in time next giving is Thursday Saturday or Monday, you're going to near normal elements or those people who who drive you crazy aren't going to be in your house. But I do think there's a certain element of being it does take all kinds. It's okay. That people think and believe differently than we do. We don't control what they think or believe we do control. How we behave. We do control our own thoughts to a certain extent. So take the time to manage yourself through those difficult holiday weekends. And there's also things to be grateful for because I'm willing. I'm willing to bet depending on whose house it is. I'm willing to bet that there's somebody there that you do bond with there's some situation there. The two argued full for whether it's for the food whether it's four sharing memories of childhood. Whether it's for a join your children or enjoying your grandparents people don't usually get to be around or just, you know being part of something greater than yourself, which is what a family is and many of might be spending holidays with our families of choice. So it might be a little more grateful in those situations because you've chosen to be there. But holidays are difficult time because everybody feels like they have to be perf. Perfect Turkey has got to be perfect. The we have to have the perfect gift when it gets to December holidays, it's a difficult time. And it's very stressful for a lot of people. But if if you can enter checked gratitude into your life, it will help relieve stress, and it's a moment in time the Monday after thanksgiving shows up every year consistently. It hasn't missed one yet. It hasn't. That's wonderful. This was fantastic information. I knew that that you just be a great person to come in and talk about thanksgiving and gratitude, and I'm thankful that you were able to do that. Well, I am so thankful for you, Paul. You do a fantastic job on live. Happy now podcast. And Chris Libby. Our editor slash sound engineer today. Also does a phenomenal job I'm thankful for our listeners. I'm thankful to be able to be part of happy. It's not often that you get the opportunity to change the world, which is what we're trying to do. And I think we were making a lot of great strides in that direction. But I really thankful to all of our listeners. Thank you for joining us. We hope that you enjoy your thanksgiving. If you listen to this before then for listen to it after we hope you enjoyed it. Either way. There's a lot to be grateful for just look for it. Fantastic. I can add nothing to that other than thank you. Was happy CEO Deborah highs talking about gratitude and how we can make it last long past. This thanksgiving holiday if you'd like to learn more about the practice of gratitude pickup Deb's book live happy ten practices for choosing. Joy, you can find her book and all kinds of other great happiness merchandise at live. Happy store at live happy dot com. And if you like what you've heard today, and you want to hear more go to apple podcast or wherever you get your favorite podcast search for live happy now. And it's five today. So you'll never miss an episode. That is all we have time for today. So please join us back here again next week. And until then this is Paula Phelps the mining you to make every day a happy one.

Paula Phelps CEO Deborah highs Facebook apple Horgan Chris Libby Paul Sean acre Zach Abby editor Deb Zack engineer Quin twenty one days
5 Books That Will Change Your Life in 2019 With Sandra Bilbray

Live Happy Now

20:18 min | 2 years ago

5 Books That Will Change Your Life in 2019 With Sandra Bilbray

"Welcome to episode one ninety of live happy. Now. This is your host Paula Phelps. Thanking you for joining us as we get a little deeper into the new year. It's a great time to pick up some books that can help you make the most of the weeks and months ahead this week live happy book editor Sandra Bill, Bray talks with us about five books that she thinks could change your life in the new year. And she tells us why you don't wanna miss them, Sandra. Thank you for joining us here today. You know, our our readers get to see what you've done, but it's not very often that our listeners get to hear from you. So I'm very excited press to have this conversation today. Oh, I am too. I'm so happy to be here Paula now, you do a great job of getting out there and finding all new positive psychology books that are coming out and guiding us through what's going on. So we thought this would be the perfect time to sit down and talk about some of the things that maybe people wanna read for twenty nineteen to help get the year starred in it or help the year progress a little bit smoother. Oh, absolutely. So one of the first books that I wanna talk about is called big potential by Sean acre this book is so great to start a year out because it's all about achieving your potential through the power of community. Oh, interesting. What ways did he bring out the weaking us community to retire potential? Well, you know, it's so, you know, I think this is so true. He, you know, just talks about how you know. So many people feel like they're in their own lane, and they have to achieve success, you know, for themselves in their own lane. But he's he discusses and writes about in this book that you don't have to go alone that if you around yourselves with other stars than you will truly be able to shine. And that's something that's hard for us to do. I think a lot of times as individuals, but it's getting probably more difficult because of our relation that. We've we've. Been able to achieve through technology. So does he dress? How to kind of overcome some of that in fine negatively with other. He really does. You know, he writes a lot about how you know, when you pursue success alone, you become stressed, and and disconnected, and you know, you know, while some might say that social media has made us more connected world, you know, others point out how, you know, the one on one conversations face to face, you know, those those are are minimized, and then that can actually lead to more feelings of isolation. Or if when people use social media, you know to compare their lives, you know, to others. It can also make them feel, you know, very alone or ice elated or like, they don't measure up, and he's saying, you know, let's really invest in our support systems. So, you know, we know through all the research live happy, you know, that the more you. Best in relationships. The happier you become and he's saying are support systems actually make high-achieving possible. You know, whether it's you have a team and everyone on your team has different strengths. And that helps lift you up or you have a support system is like cheerleading squad behind you. And you know to uplift you and inspire you and encourage you. So those are some of the things that made me think about from his book big potential. That's terrific. And that's something that's really important for us to start thinking about right now in kind of plan for it's not something that comes naturally now. We kind of have to put ourselves in that situation to connect with other. So it's great now that we have a guidebook for doing that. Yes. Absolutely. You know, I don't think it's the first thing that would come to people's minds, you know, connect Tivoli as the pathway to fulfill your potential, whether it's a gym or. You know, it's a reading group or just a group of friends, and you get together, you know, that that that can really help. You excel ary your success terrific. So what's our next one? What's our next book that we we wanna look out for twenty nine? Well, this is a great one. It's called your best year ever. And it's by Michael Hyatt? He is the former chairman of Thomas, Nelson, publishers and not only is this book, a great tool book to design your best year ever. But it also comes with a planner. And so if you know to help you schedule and to just to show you his complete plan of how he does it. So you plant ending four success or you planning your days or what what's how does this plant? How is it different than say just grabbing a regular old day spring? Great questions. So this book is all about getting back to our big goals or the ones that we put off on the back burner on the ones that matter to us most. And we keep just brushing aside because of either daily to do or, you know, our work, or when we say, we don't have time. And so this book is all about a pathway and to get back to those goals that we care about the most that's terrific. You know, we had a guest on a few weeks ago named Andrea gig line, and she talked shed a great comet where she said forgetting our dreams is as human as building them. And I absolutely loved that. Because you know, we come up with these ideas, and then we kind of don't follow through and they slip away. So it sounds like this is the kind of book that can and put you back on track for the new year. Yeah. Absolutely. And I think he he pushes us to a little bit to ask ourselves. You know, are we? Really putting it off because of our daily to do are we putting it off because of the fears that we have and I love that he shares his he says, you know, stop playing it safe. And he says playing it safe. This is a great quote from the book he says playing it safe is not safe. And I think that's you know, so impactful, so we've got my big potential. We've got our best year coming up. What's another book that we need to check out? Okay. The next one is the wisdom of Sundays. And this one is by Oprah herself. I've heard that name before it sounds familiar. So the recent I love this one so much is it's a collection of experts in the book is beautiful. There's beautiful illustrations beautiful inspiring quotes, but there's sort passages from numerous names in leadership in Ritu -ality. And you know, just thought leaders from Mark meet Boda Brennan Brown, so Sean to rhyme. The Tony Robbins Oprah herself. And if a collection of her ha moments from Super Bowl Sunday. So for the people that really love to get tips from reading live, happy online, and and listening to the podcast. I mean, this is the ideal book because this is a book you can use and turn to over and over again to gain inspiration to read and reread and study because it's really the best of the best from Super Bowl Sunday. You know, all packaged in this beautiful book. It's really so inspiring and inspires you to to, you know, not just go through the motions of life. But to really align with your purpose, and the passages are, you know, extremely deep inciteful, you know, things like your life is always talking to you are you willing to listen. So each in any passage, someone might find something that nurtures their soul, or you know, leads to their personal growth or inspires them to be more compassionate with themselves. You know, which is really important, but they're sort passages too. So it makes it really doable. If you feel like you don't have enough time to read, and I think we all struggle with that, you know, that's why we have you. We want you to read up for us Intel. I'm the walking cliff notes so one for one or two pages, you know, per person, but it's just beautifully written. And so each excerpt is from a different thought. Leader. So this is really something used to just have there. And when you need inspiration. You just kinda pick it up and open it up or find something that fits your situation for that day. You don't sit down and read it all the way through right? Exactly. And if it's so inspiring in fact, Oprah has a quote in the beginning. And I think it really summarizes what the book collectively is about. And it is all of us are seeking the same thing, we share the desire to fulfill the highest truest expression of ourselves human beings. That's very nice in what a great what a great way to do it. But picking up a book and and seen with have to say about it. Right. And then you know, readers can also choose which passages. They wanna read it's not like a book that you need to read from Fronta back. You could hop around. And look for the names that resonate with you. Or the the thought leaders that you like to follow in and read their passages. Perfect. All right. So. So so what's your choice number four? Right. My Swiss number four is by Laura Vander, Cam and see is the time management and productivity expert and the name of this book is I know how she does it. And it's basically a book for you know, geared a little bit more toward women. But you know, how to better use those hundred sixty eight hours in your week. It doesn't seem like that. Many. I don't think I don't think I know right actually says if you start to look at it that way like instead of I don't have time or this day into fast, or you know, it's getting dark out earlier now, and it seems to light, you know, the hundred sixty eight hours in your week to have that kind of mindset will actually allow you to better use your time. Yes. And one of the things that really jumped out at me about this book, and I just love it. And I share this with everyone. I know is that the I've never personally been a huge fan of life balance because I don't really think it works. I actually think we need to after interviewing people myself. You know, I I've learned that we really need to imbalance our lives towards the things that we care about the most or just tilts our lives toward our values because that that life balance, it's so allusive, and I just feel like it's something that makes people feel like failures because they don't ever feel like they can achieve it. And I feel like life balance lives in the same area as Santa Clause and the Easter bunny, you know, everybody talks about them. But none of us have never really seen it. So yes, exactly Paulo that that is so true. And it can just really result in frustration. So this is what I love that. She shares she says instead of life balance. Let's let's look at our lives differently. Let's treat our lives. Like, a mosaic and piece together your day like a mosaic, and I loved us because he encourages people because we often hear how important it is to have a schedule. But she says we can become too rigid in our schedules. And then I mean, we all know we all can lift I'm sure the things that pop up in our day that throw us off course or the things we weren't expecting. But she's saying just look at your day like a blank canvas treat it like a mosaic piece it together. So, you know today might look absolutely nothing like tomorrow or or yesterday. And that's okay. And I love that. Because I'm like, wow. That's so liberating it gives inspire such freedom, you know, designer day. However it works best for you. And of course, you know, people often say well. Oh, I have to be at work from eight to five or, you know, nine six or that kind of thing. But I think she's saying also, you know, well, you know, what could you do in the morning that would change your mood for the entire day. Or how you know are there certain routines that you're following that aren't you know, nurturing you or they're making miserable and can you change them? And so, you know, it's really causes you to look at your day entirely different. And then I have a few more tips that I'd like to share. Yeah. Because this sounds really powering because I know I get caught up in all the, oh, I gotta do this. I gotta do this. And then I end up pushing aside that things that matter like, okay, I won't do yoga. So I can get this done. I won't do this. So we give up what we want to do. And then we sent what we have to do. Right. Oh, exactly. Like this could resolve some of that conflict. Yeah. I think it does. I think it gives people permission to to be. Flexible, and she uses that word, you know, to be flexible about your day and just do things differently in order to and and don't feel like if you found something that works that you have to try to make that happen, again, just you know each day treated differently. So some of our other tips more practical specific tips, she says start your day with a deep dive into a project for an hour to and don't start your day with Email, and she Sears this because she says it really creates them. You know, if you if you if you get up, and you've, you know, taken massive action on a project that will fuel your momentum for the rest of the day. You know, if you get mired in your Email, you might start feeling overwhelmed with all of these external requests. And then it just doesn't set your day on the right path from the beginning. She also says journal, you know, of course, that live happy. We're all big proponents of journaling. These us. During unexpected time. So, you know, put it in your purse or carry it with you or having by your your your nightstand. If you can't sleep well, and you know journal and then go back to sleep. But you know, I love that journal during unexpected time, we tend to think that we have to get up in the morning journal, or I've got to do it right before I go to bed, and honestly, it had never crossed my mind in a lot more years. I care to admit that I should just do it randomly at any time. That's a love that tip. Yeah. Anytime, you know, maybe during your lunch break. I mean think about how Arctic that would be if you're having a stressful workday and you enjoy some alone time at lunch, and you do some journaling. And then you go, you know, go back into work. And so, you know, I think that you know, that that could be really helpful. Will you have one more for us? Right. You've got if I'm county, right? And I'm I'm not a mathematician. But I think I got this right. You don't want to. Yeah. So so what's our number five or maybe it's our number one book for twenty nineteen. Okay. So this this one is great, okay, emotional agility. And it's by Susan David, and she is a psychologist at Harvard Medical School. And what this book is about is how to close the gap between our intentions and our reality. And again, you know, this could be in the same ballpark of you know, how to not put our dreams aside. So she's saying, okay, how close do our lives look to how we want them to look. And she gives us the tool, you know, to make that happen. And she says the power lies in our inner world. You know, what stories are we telling herself about ourselves? You know, what stories are we saying about our lives are stories have great power over our lives. So if they aren't positive or if we're beating ourselves up in her head. Head you know, that's going to drive our outer world. And so we really need to nurture our inner world and make a positive in order for our outer world to improve. So she says, of course, we all see right? We all have times when we get stuck on negative self talk. You know, but she said it's inaccurate. And to be more flexible in your thinking about how you talk to yourself so shift from positive thinking, you know, two more realistic healthy thinking, and I love that too. Because you know, I'm a fan of positive thinking and all the positive thought books, but some people can be a little bit more cynical, you know about. Oh, yeah. Right. Like positive, but all I have to do, you know, and then and then my life magically poof, become better. And you know, she's saying just instead of positive thinking all positive thinking just shift a little bit more realistic thinking. And she this is just so critical to that to to that piece is that self acceptance is strongly associated with life satisfaction. Oh, yeah. That's something. We need to hear. I think every day because we do you know, we beat ourselves up. And we see where our shortcomings are. And we don't oftentimes do not quite how that's affecting us in the long run. Absolutely. You're so right. And I think it's all tied to another point that she brings up which is self compassion. And it's interesting how many people, you know, never really put a lot of thought into self compassion yet. They can give tons of self compassion to friends family relatives strangers, but are unable or don't think about giving it to themselves, and she writes about home portent that is the quality of self compassion and practicing it with ourselves, you know, treating ourselves like. A best friend like we would best friend because it gives us the freedom. You know to redefine ourselves. It gives us the freedom to fail and that gives us the freedom to take risks and allows us to be truly creative. So she she really writes about how, you know, something substance and self compassion are really the keys to, you know, improving our inner world now, I know that these five books are part of a larger overview that you did for us. You gave us the top nine books or twenty nineteen and readers can find that story book Zine that's on newsstands right now. But will also on the website. We're going to put a list of the books that you just mentioned and linked to them. So people can find them as well. I think these all sound. Yeah. These all sound like really really good ways to start out our new year on the right track. That was live. Happy book editor Sandra Bill Bray telling us about five great books to read in twenty nineteen for a better year to learn more about each of these books. You can visit us at live. Happy now dot com or you can pick up the live happy book Zine available right now on newsstands or in our online store at live, happy dot com. We also want to remind you that we're now part of the Pandora podcast network. So you can also find us on the mobile app for apple and Android phones. And you can still find us on apple podcasts or wherever you get your favorite podcast just search for live happy now. And subscribe today. That's all we have time for today. So please join us back here next week for brand new episode. And until then this is Paula valves, reminding you to make every day a happy one.

Sandra Bill Bray Oprah editor Sean acre apple Paula Paula Phelps Sandra Tivoli Michael Hyatt Tony Robbins Intel Sandra Bill Fronta Andrea Paula valves Laura Vander chairman
5 Must Know Daily Habits with Essential Oils with Katie McGiven

Essential Oil Solutions with doTERRA

15:58 min | 2 years ago

5 Must Know Daily Habits with Essential Oils with Katie McGiven

"Welcome to central oil solutions with DOE. Tara the podcast where you'll hear experts share insights tips and tricks on using essential oils in your life. Today's episode features Katherine mckibben talking about her five must know daily habits with essential oils. Hi, my name's Katie MC. Given. I am a wellness advocate with DOE Tara. I'm also wife and a mom to four. My oldest is fifteen and my youngest is one. So we have about every age group within our home. I'm also registered nurse. I've been a nurse for eighteen years. And I've been a wellness advocate for Tara for the past six. I love advocating wellness and also teaching people how to use essential oils as another tool for their health. One of my favorite quotes is from whole living. And it's while you can't shut out illness entirely. You can make your body a place where health thrives and so today, I'm going to be talking about habits five must know habits that are really gonna improve your overall wellness. These habits that I'm going to present our habits that are really going to have an impact on your health for for the good one of my favorite tools for creating habits or L or improving habits is this book, and it's written by gr. Chen Ruben it's called better than before mastering the habits of our everyday lives. And what she does is. She approaches habits is not a one-size-fits-all she has four different tendencies, and you can take a free quiz online, and you can determine your approach to expectations and habits. And then she also gives you free tips. So this is a free online resource. So it's really important what we do on a daily basis to have the biggest impact on our overall help the first habit that I wanna present is positive mindset. Our mindset is what fuels the rest of our habits and has a huge impact on our entire health. Our mind our body and our emotions research shows that those who experience frequent positive emotions are not only healthier, but they also live longer lives. One thing that I've done this past year. That's really helped me with my mindset is at formations if you don't know a lot about Africa. Nations. It's basically self talk. It's how you're talking to yourself. And it's kind of like a mini meditation session. Basically, you're affirming to your mind. And also your feelings how you wanna act or how you wanna fill that day. It's the I am statements, and they're very powerful something that I do that has told me create this habit is just to have a journal. I happen to use the five minute journal. It's my favorite because let's be honest. We'll have five minutes and in part of that. There's a space where I can put my offer mation for the day. And some of my favorite offer mations are things. Like, I am enough. I have four kids, and so I'm constantly trained to have more patients. And so I tell myself, I am patient. I am loving. I am trying. I am unstoppable. Those are some of my favorite affirmations. And I like to combine them with, aromatherapy, as you know. Our memory is strongly associated with smell. And so we can use us chart vantage if we combine, aromatherapy with our offer mations, then when we do that offer mation later in the day or even the next day. It's going to help us. Remember what we said and also bring back those feelings of that particular affirmation. So some of the oils that I like to use my favorite is balanced because it's a very grounding blend, and I just love the aroma and lately, I've been combining it with neuropathy. This is really good for your nervous system, and it just smells really good together. So you should try it out. If you have it. I also love peppermint and wild orange. This is great to us in the morning because it's going to help wake you up and then in the afternoon when you know around three o'clock when you have that afternoon slump. It's just going to help be an awesome pick me up. This happens to be Wright's favourite combo for a diffuser blends. You can also use it in the diffuser. A couple of others that I like are motivate and cheer, and that just really helps me to start my day and and start me off on the right foot. All right. So our second must have daily habit is improved relationships. And you might be wondering how to relationships have anything to do with our overall health, and how can I use oils to improve my relationships research shows that social support is as predictable for our health as obesity, high blood pressure and smoking, which to me is mind blowing when I first heard this. I don't believe but twenty years later, I do believe that because I've seen a lot of different people in my lifetime patients and how they respond and and their health circumstances. And it really is true that the better our relationships are we're going to be not only healthier. But we're also going to be happier. So I wanted to share with you this. Resource that I found on deter dot com. And so if you go to notaire dot com, and you just put in the search bar positive thinking, it'll bring up a bunch of different articles. I really liked this one it quoted Sean acre, which he has some awesome, TED talks and interviews online that you can watch. But he's a happiness researcher and also a positive psychology expert in he recommends to improve our relationships that we send a two minute message every day. It can be a text message and Email a phone calls. Even better being in person is even that much more powerful or better, and that's going to help not only are overall happiness. But again, it's going to help. With our wellness studies show that if you do this not only benefits the person who receives the message. But also the person who sent it. So you might be wondering how can I use oils to improve my relationships? Tara actually has an emotional aromatherapy system that I love and I've used to improve my relationships and some of those oils are console passion. Forgive and peace couple years ago. I had a situation with a family member. It's actually my sister. And I was pregnant so my emotions were all over the place, and we just I needed to forgive her and she needed to forgive me. And so that week I decided to use the oil forgive usually, I don't like the aroma of forgive. But it really helped me through tough situation and helped me mend that relationship. And so I've decided that you could combine the two of really taking relationship inventory and using essential oils, or these particular blends to help you improve your relationships. I also use these oils with my kids. So if they're not. Along which I know is totally shocking that they wouldn't get along. But I send them to their room. And then sometimes they'll even send in some oils, and I'll say figure out which one you need. And then when you're ready to come out and be around other people, it'd be nice, and you can come back and be around everyone. All right. Our third must know daily habit is sleep all of us can improve on this. I know a third of those in the United States. Don't get enough sleep. We're supposed to get seven or eight hours of sleep. And this is going to help our entire body function better it helps us to restore and rejuvenate while we're sleep. So we're going to have more clarity our bodies going to function better. I found this resource on notaire dot com. It's all about sleep. It's an e book. So if you go to Tara dot com and go to the search bar and just put in sleep e book, it's going to bring this up, and it has all kinds of information as far as tips and hygiene for sleep. And then also essential oils that you can use for sleep. So few are struggling to get quality sleep or enough sleep? Make sure that you look at this e book, it's a great resource sold last year. I had a newborn in the house. And I knew I didn't have time to not be well, and so one thing that I really tried to do was get enough sleep. So in the past with my older kids, I would stay up and clean and do things that really didn't matter and with a newborn you don't always get a lot of sleep at night. But I always made sure that I snuck a nap in if I could or I had a family member watch the baby so that I can sleep, and I was able to stay healthy all year long. So then I like to put oil on my feet at night right before I hop into bed. And lately, I've been using Magna Leah. This is a very calming oil at has a high Lindell content. So lineal actually helps you to relax and helps to improve the sleep that you're getting so I'll put that on and then I'll put on some body butter and this has wild orange and Douglas fir and frankencense at smells amazing. And then it's the actual base of the body butter is very nursing to the skin. Pin? And so it really helps your feet this time of year when the weather's dry, and I follow it up with some of those comfy socks. And of course. I chose purple for Tara today. But I also like to use on guard on the bottoms of my fee. I don't know if you've seen this topper for the fracturing of coconut oil, but it makes it really convenient. It's a pump that you can actually buy Ondo tears website. You can just talk it on your order. So I'll do one or two pumps of the fraction of coconut oil and one or two drops of the on guard and just besides that intimate fee occasionally, if I know that I need an extra immunity boost. Or if I know I need to be protected from any seasonal threats. I also like to use it on my little guy. I have a one year old in the house, and I'll just put this on his feet at night, especially when seasonal threats are high to help keep him healthy the next habit that I wanna talk about isn't going to be very popular. But it's. Group. So if you can reduce or even eliminate your sugar intake, you're gonna be a lot healthier and experience more wellness now as a nurse. I I've seen a lot of people with type two diabetes. It's actually on the rise children are getting type two diabetes. So if you can reduce your sugar intake, or even eliminate it altogether. You're going to reduce your risk for type two diabetes. You're going to reduce your risk for obesity, or even being overweight, and that has its own concerns in itself, you're also gonna reduce inflammation. And I don't know if you know this, but inflammation is the root of most chronic illnesses. You're also going to improve your immune system. All these things are important to be as healthy as possible. So just so, you know, I am actually a recovering sugar addict. This last year, I've been able to lose forty five pounds and thirty. Of those pounds came from eliminating sugar altogether. So I want to share with you the most helpful things for me for creating this habit. That has really improved my overall health since I've done this. My mind is more clear. I have more energy. I have less mood swings. And I've also been able to go shopping for some new clothes because I've lost some weight. But one of the most helpful things for me is to have a support group. So we talked about how social support is really important this help keep me accountable, and I'll actually text some of my friends who are doing the same thing every single day. And let them know what my planets for the day. And then I check in at night and just let them know how the day went. And then I've also incorporated offer mations like I talked about. And I also have been trying to get better sleep because that really helps. And then I've also been using some different wheels wanna may favorite is the cinnamon oil spray. This helps me with my cravings. And also is great for your metabolism. So what I do. I just filled a mostly to the top. And then one to two drops cinnamon is very very potent. And so a little bit goes a long way, it's also a hot oil. So you want to make sure that you dilute it plenty. So that's plenty of dilution. And then I'll just spritz it in my mouth like that. And it's really good for your oral health. It's very cleansing purifying it also helps SUV soothe your throat if you need that as well. And then it just helps fresh in your breath, another one that I found really helpful is slim and sassy this also helps cut or curb your sugar cravings or your appetite. I use this one at night quite a bit just under my tongue like one to two drops. And then another one that I like to use peppermint, and I'll just do one drop under my tongue. This is really powerful. And so if you've never used it just be prepared that you're gonna have a major wake up call and you'll also. Oh, it'll open up your sinuses as well. But it's so powerful that for me like redirects, my thoughts. And I think about something else besides food, and it just really helps curb my appetite the last habit that I want to talk about as exercise something that you want to keep in mind with exercising is the everyone is different. You want to do what fills right to you? And if you need to talk to your doctor, make sure that you do that. But if you're not the type of person that wants to get up at five AM and go to a boot camp class like me, I would never do that you wanna pick an activity that you're going to do over the long haul. So for me I'd much rather gonna walk with a friend or go hiking or do some stretching yoga, but choose something that you can see yourself doing long-term, and if you haven't been exercising make sure that you break into slowly. So a few oils that can be really helpful is deep blue rub or deep blue. This oil really helps to soothe the joints. And then I also love using a Rome attached. And then one of our favorites is frankencense. This really is powerful for a healthy inflammatory response. And just really helps the soothing process. Also, I want to end with one of my favorite quotes, and it comes from Gandhi. And he says it is health that is real wealth, not pieces of silver and gold, and I want to challenge you to just choose one of the habits that I've talked about today and use some of the tips and the oils that I suggested that take action and start somewhere and just remember that it's progress not perfection. Thanks for listening and congratulations on living at healthier lifestyle with essential oils. If you want to keep track of what you learn today or to use this podcast in class. Download the accompanying worksheet through the podcast homepage at DOE. Tara dot com slash US slash N slash podcast. Make sure to subscribe. So you don't miss an episode. If you want to try any of the products, you just learned about Goto does tear dot com or find a wellness advocate near you to place. Your order today. Checkout passed up associates by searching essential oil solutions on apple podcast, Google play or Spotify. Also, use the share button to share an episode with someone who needs it.

Tara DOE obesity United States Katherine mckibben Katie MC Africa Chen Ruben researcher Wright Sean acre Goto Magna Leah apple Lindell Douglas fir
Taking out Your Head Trash  Dealing with Crisis & Decision Fatigue with Guest Dr. Roger Hall, Host Alex Vorobieff  #45

OC Talk Radio

46:47 min | 2 years ago

Taking out Your Head Trash Dealing with Crisis & Decision Fatigue with Guest Dr. Roger Hall, Host Alex Vorobieff #45

"Welcome to the confident R._O._I.. To success come before happiness or does happiness proceed success. That's what we're gonNA talk about today. Our guest today is focused. His career on determining how positive mindset in attitude has an impact on people's success. He's done a lot of research in this done. A lot of training came up through United Airlines as a trainer a corporate trainer as well as the North West Medical Facility in Chicago and his real world experiences in research. He's gone really deep on this. He's the now oh sharing it with the world in his firm. Go positive our guest is Don Sandal and you're going to be able to answer that question. What comes first happiness or success a lot of us? Get it wrong so enjoy the interview Don Sandy welcome to the confident R._O._I.. Thanks Alex really happy to be here well. You should be your go. You come from go positive so we would have an issue if you were all believe me. I I hear it especially from my kids. If I'm not a happy optimistic in positive or why here it so yeah good point have the same my my wife and daughter are always always reminding me things I'm certain and think are important did especially in group dynamics business. You say this but what about families could ask so they they throw it back at you a little bit yeah I've been there without we were talking just before we started about <hes> <hes> your experiences and stories and you were mentioning that you just hadn't experienced the tested your positives mindset. It took everything you have to get through. Can you share it with our audience. You want me to relive that. Do you inherited help. You and we're GonNa talk about how the positive mindset can can help to lead toward success in the father of Positive Psychology Z. study in the research by but nothing like a good story against start yeah. Well you know sometimes our biggest obstacles are the ones that we put their ourselves and <hes> this one is going to be relatable. I'm sure to almost all of your listeners in it's it was an experience I had last week. We had the polar vortex that went across the Midwest and I was lucky enough to be traveling of course it wasn't a trip to Phoenix or or southern California. It was a trip to <hes> Columbus Ohio wonderful place wonderful people but <HES> <HES> I ended up being in O'hare airport waiting for my flight. I had three flights cancel. I was there get does Alex. I was there at Nine A._M.. And I didn't get to my destination until one A._M.. The next morning so talk about a test of exactly what I teach exactly what a breach and you know it's just one way you'd have to you do not optime. Oh No it was one simple flight but of course the airlines were being being safe and being careful and I'm glad that they were but it's those types of things when you're in the airport in you having cancelation after cancellation Shen you're surrounded by people who are frustrated right in and it becomes a contagion in its that's when you have to be aware of your mindset. The intentional about you know <hes> kind of your thought process us <hes> avoiding the negative thoughts and going okay. How do I make the best of this? I was fine. I ended up getting work done. I talked to more people in more family than I normally do. <hes> and simply put made the best of it and it could've been a nightmare and quite frankly it was what I was just talking to someone about this that that there's research on when you're in a group of people you can pick up on wasn't there it was some sort of sense they put <music> offs in it's in their sweat that we can sense it and in the duck in the research was they took swept from people who were sweating and swept from people that were upset and they expose it's different people in the M._R._i.. Is and the ones that were the ones that smelled the YEP set sweat. They started to get anxious. There's actually they could sense that. Were the sweat from working checking out in have the same effect on other people so literally can pick up that frustration anxiety from other people yeah. It's a little bit of groups saying yes we can we all <hes> put off a certain written energy and we pick up on that usually on an unconscious level <hes> but our behaviors contagion right so when I work with leaders in my talk about positive leadership I bring up for instance the Nicholas I Chris Dacas study from Harvard and it's it's interesting because he was actually studying the contagion aspects of obesity <hes> and smoking and the positive psychologist got hold of him A._M.. And said you know maybe we should do a similar study with regard to the contagion of our behavior such as happiness so his his work with regard to <hes> smoking for instance that if you're a smoker the person closest to you as twenty five percent increase chance to be a smoker and the person closest to them has an increased fifteen percent chance to be a smoker and so the end result of this study once they the positive psychologist got ahold of them. They noticed the exact same trend that if you are positive the people closest to you <hes> are going to be more positive if an on down the line it's fascinating study but it says so much about how are Xavier affects the people around us well it does and I'd like to know how you came to this because you start Dr Udut long career and talent development and training before human resource development starting out was North West medical facility and then spending some time at United Airlines pre bankruptcy that when they were employee owned airline. I remember coming awesome going. You are not the friendly guy it's actually I would often say yes. I worked for United Airlines. It's not my fault. So how did you come to assume the importance of positive thinking in in its benefits and how it can help with with with obtaining six success he I it's it's interesting in. It's a little bit serendipity because <hes> years ago I mean this is more than a decade. I was actually looking into the brain research with regard to learning because my focus was talent development and so how is it that we learn and it's all in the brain <hes> and I kept running across the research in positive psychology and I started to focus less on the the brain process of learning focusing focusing on the hippocampus and started to more focus on this growing amount of empirical data in science science based research on positive psychology and it's it's effect on us and it wasn't long before I was reading everything that I could in studying salad men and Lubomirski and Frederickson and Sean Acre of course in all of these that went before me and it was fascinating and probably the biggest thing I took from an L._X.. was is that you know when I begin this conversation. Many executive groups will will kind of look at it as a social fortune very nice dawn. I agree with you. I really liked this but how does this business impact but once we look at the research and now we have over two decades of real good science base empirical data that says we are different and we are better when we're happy optimistic and positive. I was hooked so who who started this research I mean we were wired to be negative right. Who questioned that maybe there's a better way or at least one to research y Bobby mcferrin Song along with <unk> so popular yeah yeah I when I came out I get introduced with that song a lot in and I'm starting to say? Can we find another song and it's a wonderful song. Don't always does put me on a good mood but <hes> <hes> you know if we go back to Norman Vincent Peale's bestselling book the power positive thanking normal Vince appeal was right on he was spot on but it wasn't based on the research so what happened was is in nineteen ninety eight Dr Martin Seligman became the president of the American Psychological Association and what he noticed was in in what he really kind of trumpeted in nineteen ninety eight was look. We're spending all of our hours in all of our time in all of our dollars. I studying the disease model. If something's broke we're going to fix it right. If there's something pathological we're GonNa fix it but he said what if we took all of the energy and all of that or not all of it but more of it and said let study when people people are thriving let study when people are flourishing. I think we'RE GONNA learn a lot from that so that really began from peel to sell it men but what Seligman started in Nineteen Nineteen Ninety eight were salad duplicate -able research that against said we are different and we are better when we happy optimistic in positive and the data has shown that to be true and mm so what what does that mean for someone that <hes> it someone that struggles with being positive that you work at United Airlines in wintertime should at O'hare your deal a lot of it but maybe is that would southwest airlines `success they they're pretty they've had a policy of trying to recruit people that like to laugh like <hes> their attitude import is that are that difference well. We we all struggle with that because we have a kind of a genetic code or or a negatively bias that is is evolutionary <hes> if you think about early humankind what were they always looking for their always looking for danger and our brain hasn't really changed from that. We still have negatively bias no matter how positive we are. Josh and believe me in what I do in all of the other positive psychology <hes> researchers <hes> it's not happy allergy. We understand that we're GONNA have crappy days right. We we understand that tragedy tragedy and in challenge and change is still going to occur but it's about establishing a foundation that where we begin <hes> happy up optimistic and positive we're still going to have rotten days but when we begin with that foundation what I call hop when we begin that with that foundation we're better suited to deal with the winds of change the days of tragedy the days of challenge because we begin at a better place and and in in two point I don't want to I don't WanNa beat up my hometown airline this this some wonderful folks who who who worked there and and more often than not I really have a great experience with down but so much of this is just perspective and being intentional and saying I'm going to be Jinmei Day positively and Betcha. That's how it's command could you can you give an example of of how this is how someone you've worked with <hes> all the time and that's one of the things that so rewarding about this is that I know it has one business impact but on the individual level it so moving <hes> when people realize you're right I default to the negative too much <hes>. You don't know how many times after keynote somebody will say I we'll we'll don. Can you talk to my spouse no but you can <hes> I had one young lady whose whose mom was just put into hospice and she attended a keynote and she talked to me afterwards. She just said this. This was perfect timing because I was very <hes> feeling sorry for myself a well as me in you just helped me to realize that I have a choice in what my attitude it is. I have a choice in however respond to the daily negative things that occur and just just that point about choice in being intentional <hes> about our mindset made midday huge difference to her so I see this all the time so kinda stumbled into it. <hes> Frankel talked about man's search for meaning in terms of having the choice yeah. There's always that moment of choice this right. There's there's that moment of engagement and then we have that just that moment of choice and that determines <hes> how we respond to some how we respond to these these incidents that occur in our life life and and yeah I bring up Frankel and that quotes <hes> often and that's such a powerful teachable moment in I know I have the choice on how to react to things but oftentimes you know that person cuts me offer doesn't doesn't go when they should go any tricks for <hes> in the override to that initial initial is Madonna's. Why why hockey orange so much died how how did he put a circuit breaker in there well part of it is just asking yourself that question? How does the serve me out of my response? Serve Me and if you at that moment of clarity <hes> you'll come to the conclusion. It's usually not I can control my response than I have to remember Frankel. I have to remember <hes> to just take a deep breath as Corny <music> as that sounds I know does but what happens when we take that deep breath we don't let the LIMBIC system over rider prefrontal CORTEX <hes> prefrontal cortex is the rational part of her brain. It's the executive function of our brain and <hes> it gets tired. It gets tired during the course of the day <hes> in we don't have an infinite ability to control ourselves. We don't <hes> or self regulation <hes> that Wayne's during the course of the day I bring gets tired so that ability to check ourselves to take a deep brass. Another technique is if we're starting to feel with certainly motion and we're starting to feel it takes over is to name name how we're feeling because once we may Mitt we are actually pulling our prefrontal cortex back into the equation when it was about to be overridden by Olympic System when we when our prefrontal cortex gets overridden by the LIMBIC the big system. It's usually not a good thing so take a deep breath ask. How is it serving me right? <hes> how many airlines have gotten my Miguel override why tax looking can in we all do that. I still do that too but I do it less and less the the one thing about taking a deep breath degrees. You definitely helps but McDonald's goes frustrated supposed to do I. I love it because we wanted. We want our kids to notice those things in the more they can detect our emotions means the better they can detect their own so so yeah I agree are you. Are you so you telling you sounds like you're you're actually teaching some some of the meditation or mindfulness practice techniques do you do people know that or just teaching the getting them over the happy getting focus on happiness. That's one thing resent. How do you do it? Oh no no that's that that is definitely part of it. Because <hes> you know meditation when I teach meditation I always Oy say look. You're not smelling any incense. No notice that I'm not wearing any flowing robes <hes> the the empirical data of of the last decade fifteen years around meditation our brains change <hes> we grow learn new neurons when we meditate. We improve our immune system so when you meditate we mitigate the stress of the day we we <hes> it's a great way to push that cortisol from stress during the course of the day day out of our system. It's incredibly powerful but part of it is perspective right so many people when they think about meditation they think of kind of eastern philosophy and eastern cultures man that has moved it it has moved to Western culture and in so many CEOS are are meditating and buying into mindfulness and if it helps our employees to mitigate their stress and help them to show up better each each day and even if they do it for three to five minutes in the middle of the morning in the middle of the afternoon and they give their brains arrest and they get back control of their own minds. That's incredibly powerful so why why wouldn't somebody embrace that. It's the sounds like you're really it. You talk about posits companies aims go positive without the and you are. You're teaching people about house. <unk> success generally comes after happiness where most people believe success you gotTa be successful nor to be happy but really to me. It sounds like you really teaching people how to how to rewire the brains out again brains absolutely look we we are genetically predisposed to have a negative bias and that made sense when we were being chased by wild animals <hes> and it doesn't they're just on email yeah. There's that too but <hes> to be able to change that mindset in realized that there is incredible power in being happy optimistic and positive. Here's here's here's here's my theses. Alex is it's when we embrace this mindset and we shift from negative bias to positively bias. We are more focused more disciplined more innovative more creative. We're actually smarter <hes> they've done studies with students and they've primed them to be positive neutral or or negative before taking safe for instance math achievement jess and invariably duplicated every single time insistently the ones who score the best on a math achievement test of the ones that were prior to I'd be happy before they took the. Why did I know that Nice schooling college would've helped so so were smarter <hes> we we have better recall we have better memory were better able to <hes> leveraged the power of her own brains and we open up the learning centers of our brain when we have this hop mindset so again? It's not just a social virtue a rear different. We're better when we're happy optimistic impossible. So how can someone cultivate a positive mindset yeah yeah in it takes intention in it takes so what I do in in in my workshop up is I do spend a little bit of time Alex talking about the brain in talking about the neuroscience and talk about neurotransmitters to get released when we're when we're in that mindset and that's part of what makes us different than better <hes> and there's a number of research back techniques that help us to to have that mindset <hes> we talked earlier of about the number one way to raise your happiness scores. I got this get this. It's it's gratitude so so why gratitude we right if we see this all over the place these days it's ubiquitous gratitude but but when we change our brain to focus on gratitude instead of negativity we're literally teaching our brain to default to the positive instead of the negatives now. We don't need to do the gratitude exercise every every single day you know dosage is important if we did gratitude every single day I think we'd get bored with it. We'd run out of things to be grateful for. I keep saying I'm grateful for Alex but by the third day I'm tired tired of being grateful for L._A.. So dosages important so if you do that two or three times a week and you have a primer that reminds you you start to change that neuro structure that says I have a negatively bias in your brain does l.. I see what you're doing. You want me to look for things to be grateful for you. Want me to look for positive things so we didn't so we do that that exercise Alex another one we do is we do the same exercise so so. So when we experienced something <hes> positive the broncos great. I'm glad something positive happened but it doesn't really put it into long-term memory unless it was extremely emotional but if it's just a positive the thing that happened during the course of the brain brain doesn't want to take up that space so it says great gone right not in long term memory may be short term memory when something negative happens in our brain the brain goes oh I can learn from that. Let me the store that long term memory so it's really important that we save her the positive moments the positive events when our when your daughter notices something about about your behavior Alex that's awesome. You should be proud of her. That's a moment to save her that the more we do that. The more we change the neural structure in our brain and we stopped defaulting to the negative and we start defaulting to the positive more off. That's great because now now I understand why a lot of companies are doing groups or doing team later. You're doing coaches this exercise of what were you wins start of a weekly meeting the what were your wins this weekend and I didn't understand why it in anything to it gets you thinking about positive mindset and <hes> looking for things wins something to be grateful for yeah in if if we do and and there's a number of techniques and you gotta you gotTa find the techniques that worked for you right because what you don't WanNa do have great workshop your read a great article about it or you're you're. You're a podcast and and you you you just do the one or two things maybe that you heard but there's probably a good fifteen to twenty techniques that <hes> a research based that were duplicated right that said these things as we know for sure help our brain changed from that negatively by stoop to positively bias for the long term <hes> in and that's that's that's actually a really good good point and we should focus on that that the way way that we typically pursue happiness Alex touchdown this is is quite frankly wrong and we need a new paradigm because lots of times. It's I'm not going to be happy and tell Ryan tell it gets a new car. Mary the perfect perfect spouse I give the big house in the suburbs but most of those are <hes> short-term pleasures that don't give us long-term results so if you engage in those things that change change the neuro structure for the long term you'll actually have that foundation of of happy optimistic composite yeah because you you talk about in your in your videos seeing you talk about it. Success does does not come after happiness. Happiness precede success and I've gotten stuck in that trap sure when we get this done in this is successful. They'll be happy they cut it went back to the school has Jin scores like betting get the homework done. Get good test scores. You know I wouldn't get I get punished so it's like it can't be you know unless this is done. There's going to be paying in the future richer yeah. If you take anything from this it is that I it is that paradigm shift because our whole society in our whole Marketing <hes> Kinda tells us that you're going to be happy with these things <hes> but you're exactly right we need need to change that paradigm from from <hes> success I and then happiness no happiness precedes succession fact that data tells us the researched it tells us that <hes> happiness precede success in fact happiness clauses success so focused not on your success focus on our raison d'etre right the Dalai Lama said that the <hes> the reason for life food to pursue happiness right <hes> so if we put that I not in a selfish way in fact the best happiness is happiness that includes others but if we really focus on happiness <hes> virtuous happiness not short term pleasures but virtuous happiness and we have that foundation that creates upwards spirals that improve our relationships are partnerships are collaborations. Kids business impact do know that the data tells us Alex that when businesses embrace this they improve almost every measurable metric every measurable outcome in their business including the bottom line. That's that's profound. It's different. It's unique. This is niche for sure but the data tells us it so when you define happiness me happinesses is like trying to define with color green as I mean it's it's it can be hard to grab a two geographic that was <hes> so Peterson Persson and his twelve rules for life talks about happiness he is it happiness or meaning in is it contentment with with what where you're at happiness happiness N._S.. Without meaning and I'm quoting strong Acre here and others but happiness without meaning is merely pleasure right so so it is a little bit more <hes> in community building solid relationships <hes> and a deeper sense of happiness not that short term. I get happy when I eat snickers bars and I love doritos okay. That's short term but you're GONNA pay for that later so early is it really is a bottom line. It's being thoughtful about how you approached this and being intentional about how you approach this and quite frankly we're doing a little bit of the research so taking the extreme example Frankel found meaning in a concentration camp number of the worst ever possible situation. He was never going to be happy happy but he found meaning in that no one could change no one could affect how he felt internally about things tackiness because it but it was the power to be in control of one's own mind and not having emotionally real sure and once you give into the external things once you give into others and others define your happiness happiness others define your response within. You've lost your opportunity so <hes> you know Franklin. Covey famously talked about <hes> or sorry Stephen Covey's the famously talked about <hes> bringing your our own sunshine. So what if it's raining outside so so what if somebody else is unhappy and they're affecting the climate in the room. It's how we respond to it. It's the same thing with stress I talk about stress pressing the Workshop Stresses Killer <hes> but but external stress is not going to change. It's always gonNA be there so it's how they respond to it. That's where we need to learn. It's not mitigating the external stress. Ask It's learning how we respond to it and taking ownership of response as interesting because of this this relationship of golf. We've been legally separated for a while but I didn't there Arya his tennis thing it's like I don't ever play well until I totally give up on the ram and it's not so much like not caring but just I think I start to enjoy the walking and enjoy being outside and it might take a little while but I just plays the first time six months and I was at rental clubs and letter was the wrong handed because I spent less in it was raining putter. There's not the right set of ABS in. I started out playing poorly wasn't big deal starting enjoying the walk my it's nice weather as joy it owned. I knew realize it was the end the your one under for the last ten holes like I had no idea but I had given up on the round about you know about fourteen rolls into it but I think it was just my mindset of just enjoying enjoying enjoying that moment everything was was perfect in the weather that visibility it see the mountains and everything and it's just but I think it goes to what you're saying. That success came after I was happy was doing what I would do. It yeah in that that is is another lesson no different than when we're driving in rush hour traffic. It's rush hour traffic. What do you expect in? You know victims of all drive. That is an unfair expectation. You're going to be miserable everytime you drive. That's one of those things that we talked about. We laugh about in in when I speak and when I teach and and everybody has that same experience and and I don't know how many times I've heard people say that that was one of the biggest changes in their life as they realized they have absolute no control over that they have absolutely no control over that and they're sitting in in traffic and all of a sudden they're enjoying the music they're enjoying Talkradio. They put on a podcast. They're making phone calls to family in relationships that maybe they normally wouldn't make there's a a great way to use that time when you're stuck in traffic but I do but I do love it Alex that you brought up sports listen to athletes especially golfers after a bad round or after a good game or after a good round and you start to hear things like confidence mindset attitude in how much that plays into our outcomes I was thinking about that actually preparing for this and I remember Berg I think it was a friend Fred couples the Golfer who has taught me about how just not having people at negative thoughts around that was in negative comments that was really key in order to be to being that right mindset in the that a lot of golfers just didn't like people at negative mindsets around them because they have a lot of things outside their controller dealing was in. They're trying to the white along hole in that. The keeping not letting creep in we talked about earlier. Oh we pick up on it from other this this discussion about athletics in a way underpins exactly what we're talking about because because we have all experienced <hes> the theses behind go positive and what I do we've all had a presentation we had to give in and we just didn't have the right mindset set before handwrite didn't have confidence didn't prepare and we went into it with failure in our mind well then what of course was our outcome coffee. We've all experienced that but then we had another presentation where we were so confident in excited we couldn't make the give the presentation and re completely owned it. That's mindset. It's no different than when you're standing at the free. Throw line in your taking that moment to envision the ball going in. That's not about your muscles. That's about your brain. <hes> this idea of muscle memory your muscles don't have memory but you brain does so it's all about what's in our brain that is so critical all in so important performance begins with the brain and our people doing things is today's Kurt lifestyle is at detrimental to the brain and mindset softball it of course of course absolutely <hes> T._v.. Marketing are playing upon our our psychology and our weaknesses in our lack of confidence <hes> no doubt about it social media. There's some fascinating research out there about social media in these social comparisons that naturally occur when we're on facebook and somebody bought a shiny new car new house or look at how great my life is look at how wonderful my kids are will folks if if when you see that instead of being happy for them you know Oh wait hold it. I didn't get that new car. I didn't get that new house. My kids aren't looked ever were off failing. We all make we're wired to compare ourselves. We are absolutely lutely wired to compare ourselves. That too is evolutionary because because early humankind it was all about social status who is going to be at the top and therefore <hes> survive in let their genes perpetuate right so so that that is so hard of our makeup but one of things that we talked about in one of the techniques that we talked about is limits your social media use in be aware of your responses to social media so much of it is wonderful. It's awesome awesome. It's fascinating but if we don't manage our mindset in our response we will default to a woe is me common common default that were wire for that for ten thousand thousand one ten thousand years. Have you seen any of the research on sleep and how that Tim backing people in their manager emotions absolutely sleep is is so important in the data from from the last decade has has been fascinating. You know when we sleep. It's it's it's it's fascinating of course the brain is still working so when we sleep <hes> the brain is solving the problems of the day and and have you ever woken up and you're in the shower and you had a good night's sleep and you're in the shower and your shampooing and you get this great idea and you go. Oh my God. It must be the shampoo. It's it's not the you see up through your brain was solving the problems of the day subconsciously while you were sleeping but here's the other fascinating thing about sleep. That's our time of renewal. That's our time where our brain rose new neurons <hes> we we regenerate <hes> it gives power to our immune systems are cognitive abilities for the next day <hes>. It's very very powerful. Here's one unique thing that they most people don't know about sleep <music> when we sleep <hes> our brain actually cleanses itself so we get spinal fluid and it goes into the cerebral cortex which is basically the macaroni part of the brain and the little macaroni the fishers actually opened up ever so slightly and the spinal fluid goes in and cleanses or brain it moves out the dead neurons it moves out the toxins from the day <hes> which is really really healthy for our brain part of the reason why <hes> sleep is so important to our cognitive abilities the next day our personality the next day <hes> so I guess how long that process the cleanser our brain takes something in more than six hours. YOU'RE SO SMART Alex. Yeah you're right. It's it's about seven to eight hours. It takes so sleepers really really important Horton to end it also is important to her happiness. Because we perform better we have better relationships were in better moods so getting sleep exercising exercises in other one. It's so important to our brain health <unk> our body health in her mental health and the studies in research is there to back it up at that's kind of burn the Golden Era About Twenty years now the actually see inside the brain and start to see what's going on the now. They're now now. They're finding out why some of these techniques and concepts and other learn about sleep you know what actually does and what the brain looks like wis sleep and vowed yeah the ever since into the advent of M._R._i.. And F._M.. Awry we don't have to wait until somebody has a damage to a certain part of their brain to determine what lights up in the brain and what affects <hes> what part of the brain affects our ability to function to speak to learn to move our arms now we have Marin we can literally dive into the brain and determine where's the blood going in the brain. What's lighting up and it's it's been fascinating fascinating and then that's why so much of what we teach in talk about Alex is underpinned by the research because now we can pure inside the brain in when here's here's one thing that they've they've been able to determine that the social pain <hes> is is lights up in the same area of the brain as physical pain which is which is which is really really fascinating so <hes> <hes> <hes> explain why we have an opening issue yeah yeah in that you know that gets to addiction because <hes> dopamine is really important to feeling happy when you feel happy and we do exercises <hes> purposely to execute happiness right and to get a release of dopamine or Serotonin are actually toasted? We'll do that on purpose during during the workshop <hes> and we get this release of of of dopamine which is a wonderful gift and it helps us to pursue our goals it we get on its key to the brain's reward pathway but that's also part of addiction that the people get addicted to drugs and that <hes> release of dopamine and they want more of it and they want more of it so it's a little bit of that double edged sword. I suppose drugs we although caffeine is technically technically drug coffee and red wine I mean dopamine and deliver dopamine for you yeah in it's it's it's that reminder of being intentional being control of our mindset it and everything in moderation those are words to live by well. We've covered a lot done any other thoughts before we wrap it up here and people you people know how August industrial you well yeah in. It's just going back to the underpinning that scientists told us that we are different and we are better when we're happy optimistic and positive <hes> our brain changes are abilities change our intelligence changes our ability to collaborate and and build partnerships <hes> <hes> so it's not just the social virtue anymore. It is a paradigm shift and a way to <hes> take control of our life take control of our outcomes. <hes> remember that that happiness recedes success in fact happiness causes success and for intentional about that the world in the universe is going to bring us some really good things but it's up to us to to control our own mindset inside their signs to support. That's right that's right and that's what makes the so much fun people go. I know all visits really fun. It's really nice but it's baked in the science. We've entered this phase of we people aren't starving to death anymore. We have the basic essentials but we're in this town of. We actually figure out how to live with all this abundance and this is part of the process is how do you wire wire your brain. Make those decisions or to get the optimal outcomes and it doesn't happen just by accident. Some people might be born better to do this than others for sure. Some people might be genetically predisposed supposed to be happier and more positive versus. Maybe are negative cousins but if we're intentional about it and we do a little bit of the research man the outcomes are wonderful. How can people get in touch with you that they'd like to inquire higher by your workshops and the savory exercise savoring exercise yes savoring exercise <hes> let it sit there and our cranium a little bit longer so yeah yeah in thank you very much Alex to blast talking to you? Ask wonderful questions I have last <hes> people could reach out to me even if they just want more information about what I'm doing or just supporting articles or supporting data or supporting studies <hes> Don at go positive without the E. DOT com or just go to my website. Go positive without the E.. Dot Com all right Donald. Thanks for coming on and have a great great evening. Thank you my friend and we'll talk to you soon. If you're liking confident our why we're even if you don't please leave us review itunes or wherever you listen to this podcast thanks now is the chance to use reliable energy to grow your money with the Dominion Energy Reliability Investment. Our new investment product offers competitive returns no maintenance fees.

Alex United Airlines Frankel executive North West Medical Facility dopamine Don Sandal Don Sandy Chicago Sean Acre Midwest Bobby mcferrin Marin obesity broncos Norman Vincent Peale California Phoenix
The Procrastination Cure

Strong By Design Podcast

1:01:14 hr | 1 year ago

The Procrastination Cure

"We believe that you are strong by design and you were made in God's image to have strong body mind and spirit, your listening to the number one strengthen health authority podcasts in the world. So let's get ready to unlock your potential and transform your life in today's episode. Hello and welcome. This is coach. Tonya with critical bench and these strong by design podcast. And today, I am so excited so excited, you just podcast with Wendy heart. We talked a little bit about a week or two ago, and ever since then I've been it's like a kid waiting for Christmas. I've been so excited to do this podcast for myself. I'm being very selfish share now, windy heart. She is an international speaker and performance coach. And she is the creator of now. Get this, the procrastination cure, a complete system that compels you to follow through. Okay. So I think that applies to a lot of us and Wendy, Wendy really she she sticks or Netco here, because she can follow through herself, her promise to her clients that she can increase your follow through three times, or more in three months or less without relying on your willpower. So she is the lady that will make you get stuff done. When you. You aren't or yourself sabotage or you're just like me, not even sure why sometimes you're not getting down to getting something done that, you know, you need to do that. You have lots of time. She's the one that makes this makes sense without any guilt with Ota. The peer pressure. She is just someone who understands the brain now human beings think, and I'm going to stop talking because I want all of us to listen to win you, so Wendy, welcome tiny, thanks so much. I'm so happy to be here. Thanks for having me will great. When I said, I haven't been, I've just been waiting sitting on the edge of my seat Wade into this podcast. So I mean I briefly introduced you but nothing to the accolades to which you deserve. So why don't you tell us just a little bit? Give us a little bit more background on who when the is high. She so awesome. Sure. You know you mentioned a little bit in there. I'm blessed right? I have a charmed life now. I get to be an international speaker coach and serve thousands of clients all over the world. Six continents everyplace spent Arctic been doing this for like eighteen years. And it's it's really humbling. Get to see all these great letters from folks, you know, about how this unusual unorthodox method is making easy for them to get stuck. But it was not always this way. It was not always this way. I grew up in a home that was so violent and colorful, we could have been on the Jerry Springer show. And, you know, suffice it to say that we had a secret life, we had an inner life, we had the outside life. Because my parents were these very good looking people. My dad was a super genius. They had a social mask, and nobody knew. Right. We had to be construed as and be perfect and all that. But at home, there was extreme mental illness and violence in my family. So to say that I grew up with self esteem lower than. The curb is an understatement, and I have I was the most stuck person you've ever met. So this work was required. Necessity is the mother of invention. Manned, the fact that I buy right? Statistically would have would have been more likely that I didn't make it out of there or that I were addicted to drugs and alcohol now or some kind of a sex worker, not. That's true. And it's because of these wonderful things I was able to learn and I will say, you know, as a little girl, I had this nervous system that was patterned to have a hair trigger response to everything, but I also was blessed to have a particular kind of drive and natural gifts as teacher Tanya. I remember being really young thinking, you know, high ever get out of here, fiber. Yeah, I'm going to discover what the heck allows people thrive in be happy, then I'm gonna share it with everybody. So what happened was I went on a quest, and I got lucky I got awful scholarship academic scholarship to school because I wouldn't have gone to college, vice. And been able. And while the kids were partying, I was in a library reading cycads strikes trying to figure out how to stop these nightmares. You know, and I went on a crazy quest to study neuro science in brain, chemistry and have a lot of therapy. Too many models of personal development to count. And that's what ended up becoming the system that I use now, 'cause I was able to cherry pick the little bits that worked with them into a new recipe, they're so different than what all the gurus tell you on kind of opposite of all the other Gruber's. But it's what worked for me. And basically I, I worked with singers because I was starting artist had three hundred singers got over there stage fright. We were all poor we all artists than I was. Yeah, you know waitressing and then did we golfers? I don't even golf, but the same brain hacks, had guy break a thirty five year record in the PGA. Wow. And then we worked with sales correlates, and then I was blessed in. I got a contract with an x Tony Robbins trainer to work with. Two thousand home based business women and their biggest problem was procrastinated. And they didn't procrastination was their fault. That's when the whole system came full. So that's so that's really the how it all came to be an odd way. I found out, I'm good at cherry, picking putting the bits together that actually works that are very unusual, but it's turned into a recipe and I'm delighted about that, while I am so happy you found this. We. Because that took us, I think we went back and forth texting for like a month before. We're actually able to connect talk on the phone. Yeah. And I remember when you started telling your story hours, late, all of my flags were going like goods like it was like you were telling mice parts of my store, and like everything this woman is saying is resonating so strongly with me, I need to find it, what this is because I think, at some point in our conversation was like you need to help me because there is similar background. Story. And then very also very self motivated, very driven to succeed very hard mice like very a lot of very perfectionist. Right. Previous nobody unique have to try to beat us up 'cause we'll do a brilliant job of it on our own and yet given enormous tasks with better multifaceted with lots of time to do being able to do it brilliantly and get it done in the eleventh hour and then feeling like what is wrong with me? Like you always shine come through. And people like, wow, this is amazing this rain. It's you're sitting there, like, oh my Lord. I just I need a four week holiday, because I put I put myself under so much stress. Yes off, and it's, it's a weird kind of procrastination because it's not like putting off because you don't wanna deal with it. It's almost like I'm just talking personal experience. Putting it off to try to find the perfect way. You it the perfect, you know that roadmap. Like I see here's the beginning pieces. I can see the end. But one unearth happens between that, that worse is wall. Where's this road worse like stall coming? And when you were talking about three brains, I'm just like, hey, I, I have. Soon. So I think there's just so many of us that are challenged by this, especially those of us that are overachievers are very successful. I think so there can be this allusion that, while the people that are over Cheever's, extreme usuccessful, they have, but it all together, which in fact, nine times out of ten the exact opposite. We have all the components, but it's almost like floating in space. It's trying to pull them all together to make sense that flows as opposed airy high stressful anxiety driven process. Thank you so much for listening to the strong design podcast. If you find our show helpful in any way, please, let us know by leaving a five star review on, I tunes, go to strong design podcasts dot com. Your review will help us reach more listeners and continue to change lives. Let's get back to the show. When it comes to procrastination really comes with a very negative connotation, like laziness, yes, unmotivated, not driven Noam, Bishen, no vision. No passion. And none of that is true, correct? That's correct. None of that is tro, case for all of the ninety some percent of a sitting out there that are over Cheever's in hard on ourselves actually do really great things or have really great vision ideas, I told you about the novel. I've been working on. Yes for like, how many years. You're in great company. Trust me. You're great company to us about procrastination. So we can stop taking our cells. Yes. Outed. And telling ourselves because I'd only just feeds that it only further feeds, the and I don't even like the were procrastination but it's accurate. So what can you tell us about that? So we can stop beating the heck out of ourselves and blading ourselves. There's something wrong with us. We're just bad people were wait not bad people. But you know what I mean? Yes, I, totally know remaining on the bottom line is this, all your listeners are just missing a little bit of critical information that has to do with newer, brain science that wasn't available when we were kids in school, but by rights oughta be taught in our eighth grade science class and its seeing this little bit of information that causes all that. Shame all that self judgment. It causes us to listen to the guru's in do what they say, which in my humble opinion is actually also. Missing critical information. Well intentioned, but not well informed. It causes us to shoot ourselves in the foot and absence this information. It, we compound the problem with the inordinate amount of shame guilt, and suffering. So the first thing I'd like to say is just like you at lot of people hate that word procrastination. But this could equally be called the overwhelm tour, right? Cure, as well as the procrastination cure, it deeply helps correct. The self sabotage that's happening almost by auto pilot. Because again, we're just missing information on, I just want people to know, metaphors are the language of the unconscious mind. So let's start here. I like to know that it's as though the referee sitting in the driveway and all they're really missing the air in their tires. He already set up to succeed because the procrastination problem is that you're a twenty first century human with caveman era, brain nervous system hardware, nobody ever. Gave you the quivalent air in your tires or the operating manual on how to operate your brain in your nervous system. So it's easiest if we just take a couple of seconds and talk about the brain is that? Okay with you. Oh, hey, I love a mall about the brain and brain science in all into that. Yes. Awesome. Okay. So this is this starts with what you were missing. So if everybody listening can just call up a picture of the brain right now. And it's like big giant, grace Quigley thing. And most of us picture when big bring yet but in fact, that's not true as you mentioned. It's actually three smaller brains stacked on top of each other, and it's the way those three brains are connected and talking to each other. That's when causing all the mischief. So the brain on the bottom is your brain stone, the resilient brain responsible for all the automatic stuff your heart rate, and your thing. And so we don't have to think about the great design, but very primitive languages. So the brain translates everything into. Two four Fs food, fight flight or fooling around. Right. Haven. Haven. Yeah, yeah. The green above that is your middle brain in that wins the seat of our emotions. And so it's got a language of only two things. Hain let me run away hide from that or pleasure yummy. Yummy. I gotta run toward that yet. And so also primitive end the there's also a structure in there, the alarm, there's a little we most people have heard of the amid Daloa yet, like little biddy almonds. Right. It's an alarm that we think, has nothing to do with our lives, but it's actually causing lots of trouble because when it's activated a chemical cascade comes down, actually fourteen hundred chemicals in thirty or Mona responses, every time that thing fires in a strong way. Powerful chemical cascades, that create trouble for us to be moving forward. So K what we're not missing. Biggest piece we're not missing. Is that what everybody will tell you or everybody presumes, that your top rain, you're thinking, brain, the one on the top the prefrontal cortex where you can do math prob? Adams in have logic and reason and rational, everybody thinks that one runs the show, the truth is the bottom two brains are the gatekeepers, every single piece of information that comes into your brain. That's everything you see here taste, touch smell. All of it goes through those bottom two brands, I with the primitive languages. Yes. When they decide anything dangerous, which sidebars everything that's unknown. Because back in caveman days. Most unknown, thanks could kill you. Right. So you're, you're heard herds is set up that everything unknown. It's always going to air on the side of caution. And it's going to kick the alarm in, and when that happens your top brain gets hijacked. Your brain loses the ability, lose the ability to be in touch with smart. You actually are because when the alarm gets kicked in big ways, or small ways, blood leaves your top ring back in caveman days when a sabertooth tiger. Was running at the caveman. He didn't have time to logic it out think big animal big teeth light fighter flight. Right. It's instantaneous. Chemical cascade with the blood leaves the top ring, and we go little stupid, we affectionately call this stupid. So this is why in the morning, you might feel really clear you feel calm. You make a list for the day of all the things you're gonna accomplish. You have plenty of energy enthusiasm. We're going to do it in the you wonder by four five six in the afternoon. I didn't do anything on my list. Why? And what we're aware of is that, that alarm has been triggered in big ways, and small ways, teeny, tiny ways all day. And we so don't feel it. We're we have no awareness that this is happening. This is the really important part, people are like, well, that's not true. From a why would my alarm? Get tripped in. I'm not afraid of anything. We'll know your top rain has nothing to do with what your tap brain knows. Right. Thanks, his dangerous, but you bought them to brains have to do with what happened to your nervous system. Mostly before the age of two. So, wow, when you were in the womb, let's say, your mom was kind of nervous person when you were in the woman, you were born seventy percent of your nervous system. Response to outside life, triggers are based on her, and your attachment style secure insecure is based on the mother born with it, then what say your infant, and she's walking around, and she sees the Bill pile of laundry and she's. Habituated to feel shame about that. She looks at the laundry, she feels dread. Her Larmer kicks in chemical cascade comes down. Feels a lump in her stomach just like, oh, I'm a bad mother. But she's in your your in her arms and something called mirror neurons, and you're picking all that up. Then you grow up, and your triggered by laundry, or something similar to laundry and you don't know why. Because you know that's not dangerous, but it doesn't matter your brain in body, or trying to keep you live and in survival. And until unless you can learn how to use the operating system in retrain, that alarm in your brain, you will be suffering all the time with things that never get to the top rate, all those feelings of dread. And resistance, we feel actually, basically, I'll just say this anything. You're procrastinating won anything. Wow. This is such hell getting goosebumps because it's kinda like we're I'm going to just in very nut symbol civil turn through basically born. Rewired on seventy percent two things to which we have no control over. Yup. Yet, upon being born in coming of age, where we can read and write and speak in understand. We actually had, you know, had this stuff been taught if it was part of the normal everyday learning curve that they're thrust upon us in school. Are norm mainstream academia, now, we could have actually been rewiring this very early age. Yes, it's kind of like someone give you all the LEGO pieces, without even a picture and just saying, okay, Billy, the death star. That's everything's there. Exactly a massive colored all the pieces finished as you don't. You don't have any instructions union have to go by all the pieces of their, they're all colorful. And I mean God help you if you step on one, but yes, it's all. It's all there, we just don't know what or how to put it together. That's right. And thankfully, the best news of this is nobody has to. You never have to go back and figure out why the triggers. That you have are in place. There's no usefulness in that. This isn't like therapy. Right. I was just gonna say that there's going to be people in, I don't have two hundred bucks to for hundred dollars a month to spend on therapy to get do the work. Yes. No therapies wonderful therapy really helped me, we don't just therapists rut, this science is about sneaky, brain hacks to retrain, the bottom two brains. It has nothing to do with your top. Rain your top. Right. Never ever needs to understand. Why something is a trigger and trigger might found sound like a very strong word, but you can just know if you're putting something off, if you feel a sense of any kind of dread resistance, that means your alarm has linked to that here at hamels are now flooding says Yan where our top brings in hijacked, and thus begins that cycle again. Yes, there's a couple of ways you know, there's, there's the way where you feel the bowling bowl of dread in your stomach. Right. So that's the chemical cascade comes down, and it speaks to your muscles, in your organs, because you're people are. Very savvy with knowing about the body and fitness. Right. This is the, the neurobiology of this. So sometimes that happens. Right. You feel. But we're so a bitch waited to it. We don't even notice anymore for the most part, but there's also the silent and sneaky way that the alarm can get tripped. And that has to do with bigger issues identity issues with things like your book, her example, when the alarm, the how this shows up shows this one day, you have real clarity, even haven't Piccinini like, oh, I'm gonna take on this project. Right. A book or paint again or public speak or do a charity for church, something right? You're gonna big thing and you're so excited enthused, and then four five six weeks goes by and you remember it again because you forgot in the middle. Wow. That was such a idea. Why didn't I do? It's because the it was a bigger deal the alarm kicked in the silent in sneaky way. And it just kind of raced the idea, those tend to be connected with identity sense of shining. Maybe losing love, because other people might be jealous. When you go back to caveman days, if you got kicked out of the cave, if somebody was jealous, and you've got kicked out of the cave, and you were the mom with the kids all night right now that meant that was imminent, death image. Image for women. You know, that's estrogens effect on the brain tooth little different for men to stash Ron's. But we the urge to people, please the urge to think it's our fault, the feeling of, oh, I'm sorry. You know, all of that, that's a lot of that is your neurobiology, so eating staife. Yeah, yeah, none of it's your fault. I'm just here to say if the place, I really liked people to get is just every place you've been shaming yourself feeling bad. Because you perceive that other people are able to get stuff done. Why can't I you need to know that almost everybody suffers from this in one area way or another? Yeah, yeah, this is amazing because it is a late the whole fact that, you know, it's not it's not your fault and I mean like only grade something felt, you know, you could not 'cause we're looking for other people to blame. But what I'm going to say is okay, back part, I get. Now, there's as you were talking. There was little, there were things I was thinking about about, like feelings of, I'm just remembering from the past, as a little girl earns like self. Worth nothing ever being good enough, you know, being told certain things. So now I'm kind of starting to connect dots. Like, okay, so this, this whole novel project, it's like well, yeah. Why would I write it? I mean, not that I actually had declared thought every time this comes up, which is like almost every other week like when you have for hours, why don't you write in your book, his dialogue Lavigne's at lunch writing about? I don't know. I don't know. I'll go do the laundry, I'll go. I'll go mow the lawn all these other mindless, things aren't taking doors passion. But when you're talking. On starting to get these like he's all little hobby moments in my head going on, you know, fill worthy. Now, why would you write something that nobody's gonna read like all this stuff? It's like I didn't even really know that stare. So while that stuff may have been part of that seventy percent of that, that, Yup rewiring that I had no control referring, the whole scientific process of conception. The genetic makeup and all of that stuff that was going on. But how at my age now having the information or knowing that there's a cure, because we're calling it the cross, because there's a cure is my responsibility now to do something about it. Yes, yes. And it just means getting the information, you know what? It's so tricky because as I said, there are all these Googlers in the world that are very well, intentioned, it not well, informed. And we follow down a path trying to do what they say to do. Right. Will yeah. This is the thing like with, with the gurus a hate the word love it, because it's like I love the word because of how. Sort of thrown about I've often, sometimes sat and sought because I've been to a lot of these big events, and I've been to some that absolutely came came home from the win on doing this parts and pieces that I learned have been phenomenal was at one not that long ago for with Greg Valentine loved it. Yes, I found him very authentic. Yes, because he doesn't get up there. And like he's the guy that knows everything. Hey this, where I came from. What I had to work on. And I love that. But sometimes this whole, I've been to other really big events in, it's almost like they're up there. They're sharing their hard-luck stories or where they came from where they are. You know you can be here too. You can be doing this, too, but it's almost like they're holding onto a secret. And unless you jump through some hoops, or you can't really get the superhero going. No, this should have been time. Great science. Right. It's right there. You, it's just nobody told you about it. So you know what on the girl that's going to tell you. Thank you so much for listening to the strong by design podcast. If you're enjoying today's show, please subscribe, so you don't miss any future episodes, go too strong by design podcasts dot com. Let's get back to the show. I come from a place that willpower is not useful. Oh, it's a way to beat yourself up some more will. Yeah, but not only that, but the science, let's snow that willpower is actually the wrong way to go. So when people are stuck and self sabotaging Veith think generally speaking will what I need to do is push harder. I need to have better character. I need to have more willpower, and I'm here to tell you that, that's like shooting yourself in foot. It's actually making it harder. And there are a tiny number of people with a little bit of a brain difference, and they're able to maximize willpower, but I'm here to tell you. I think just cost too much, and it's not useful. So there's a whole whole lot of science around that too. Will we? Yeah. Okay. So we're, we're I just feel like I just want, like I just wanted to I just wanted to cure. I don't blame you people out there listening. Oh my gosh. You know. And again, a lot of already very successful people like standing on the outside looking in going. Wow. This person has got it together. I mean look at what they've done look what they're doing. And yet, what's the struggle with sometimes because I sat down with a lot of people that before beating them was just in instill am still in, like a mass mad mad respect for what they've done, what they do. Yes. To find OMON. You know what that took me months to do? I quit that off. I was scared to do it when it finally did not, why didn't I do that? And you really. The kind of person that would be scared of anything that you just don't seem like the cut you seem so disciplined that it seems like nothing nothing could permeate that. And yet there is well you know, I learned about that. Like I said, growing up in my unusual household where so much hidden. I really got a tuned to what people present versus what's going on the inside. And after doing this for eighteen years, I've had so many people confess to me that they, they feel like they need to put on that public show, which, again is back to kidney date, keeping safe in the cave. Right. It's part of our survival nearly everybody even the big people like I sometimes affectionately say, you could call what we're talking about why Gary, the is wrong, right? Greek I've met him by the way, great guy. But Tony Robbins, Gary v come from place that they assume that the top rain is running the show and that you ought to be able to maximize that ignoring the fact that the bottom two brains in your nervous system. Attune. Are triggering you all the time you ought to be able to willpower and to use an exercise metaphor with people don't know, is that when you feel on the inside that part of you wants to do with thing, and another part is resisting you and you don't know why it's kind of like pushing your fists together in an isometric exercise. What all gurus tell you to do is to be up at one site in just hit tension to that one and overpowered the unhelpful side. Right. Right. Right. That's everybody ninety nine percent of people with they don't tell you what, nobody knows, is that when you're trying to overpower the self sabotaging side you're in effect sending that self sabotaging side to the gym you are. Beefing it up, and they're always going to equal. It's always gonna be strong. The chemicals are going to be more powerful which is why when you send somebody like you, you're a super Cheever, but they're so much cost. There so much putting it off. And then, you know, getting it done at the last minute and beating yourself up in it so hard. Other people aren't even able remotely to do what you're able to do Tanya. Right. And but they beat themselves up, generally just as much. And just so you know, a second set of camels coast, come down to make it worse. So we're born with a particular neurobiology than we're conditioned a lot of it before the age of two. Then, so we've got a superhighways in our header like dirt road that end up year after year after year grooving in like a superhighway and unhelpful patterns, it's not so easy. And so you wanna be able to, you know, shift stuff and changing your own at which you can do, but it's it takes them. Practice in it. Take some attention to the new science that we've been. Thing. Right. And you have we're gonna talk about. Like we're gonna make sure everybody knows where to find you to find this information because you have this set up very, I mean, very streamlined, very user friendly, very easy to access to get the tools to do the work to change this correct. Yes. Yes. Yes. And we will also give actual tips right here. I don't wanna be teasing people with stuff in the not helping. But there's one thing that just occurred to me, people hear this, and because we're trying very hard to understand it with our top rain, their like she really knows what she's talking about. So great example, would be a bet. You've had this happen to your have you ever been out somewhere feeling on top of your game. Really confident AB at a party looking good feeling. Good feel great. And some jerk comes up and surprises. You using your space, too much with a rude remark is a little nervous to make sure and suddenly you're looking at him. Your jaw hang. Open your stammering. Can't think of anything to say to the guy right, right. Thrown you off your game just like shock. And then you leave maybe get fresh air you go home in bed at night, whatever it is. And then all of a sudden your eyes pop open. You're like, oh now I know exactly what I should've said to yes. Yes that happen. Why couldn't I think of that in the moment, and then we usually shame ourselves more? We feel terrible. That is what quarter CLE inhibition is that's when the blood leaves your top bring one moment you were full of endorphins. You fill you had confidence then the jerk came up the alarm kicked in the blood wept your top ring, and you feel not confident on resources. You can't think of which say, and you can't make your mind work, which is the same as when you had a list in the morning, all the things you were gonna do, but then nothing happened. You know, when you're like why did I get it done at the end of the day because this cortisol inhibition, the blood leaving your top brain is happening, all day and only when you feel safe and restored like usually after sleep and the blood confectioner brain can you work? So it's nobody's fault. Right. But we have to operate, not from our top rain, trying to do willpower trying to force yourself to do it. We need to come from another direction. This science also work in is able to impact because you're talking about, like lists and things like because here like where I work all of us in the office, we have. Numerous big projects going on at the same time. And that's what I love about the, it's exciting, there's all like it's never never come into work, and it's the same thing everyday. It's always knew. It's always exciting to meet great people like yourself, do interviews you like we're doing all of it. And so, I mean, there's like time blocking an all time management because there's a lot that has to get done deadlines. Investors fact yet will I can come in. Okay. Really know buckets deadline Friday. So by if I put in two hours today tomorrow in the next day, first thing in the morning, I'll have it done before. Then it's gonna get everything's gonna be great and then come into the office. Oh, shoot better was at emailer. Oh, I forgot to. So all these other little things come in. Yup. That take my brain somewhere else than I'm like it's three o'clock in like, oh, I guess, I'm putting in the two hours tonight at home so disease help with that too, because it is like a procrastination. But I know when that does happen to me in those. That's where it seems like everything's happening, all at once six hamsters trying to share that wheel it asks, like there's the one big thing that has to get done, but all the little things coming in, and they of get up to the top of the list, and tiny away of self sabotage, you know, it must be, and I'm like, why why I know better. I came annoy. You know what these of emails could ease of three o'clock between three thirty yes, the what? Oh, you're speaking to perfectly. So we're raising a whole generation of people this way. Now it's several things are involved there, but when the alarm has been trips. So you're big project that you wanna do there's inner resistance somewhere or it feels like it'll be hard. So actually, when we go to the other tasks that we don't want to do either, but it's easier click duty quicker. What we're looking for is a dopamine hit which goes to the pleasure center in your brain. So sometimes it's answering E mail, because you get a little sense of accomplishment, plus your voiding doing the thing that you're dreading, but what you just spoke to is the plan in the morning when you felt clear it'll be easy. We have an expectation I'll get it done in these two hour blocks. And then the superhighways that are already in your rain or very used to not following through. This is what happens over time. And plus the second set of chemicals, which is judging ourselves kind of cement, in the superhighway. So now we have. Right, right, right. Support green more the inner committee, right? So now you have a tendency to need stuff to go wrong, so that you can yourself up because it's familiar, none of this is conscious, none of it is conscious what it is happening. It's patterning undo it. We'll just more like if you look at kids now it's so hard. They say that we look at our phone more than one hundred times a day on average. Right. Every time you're looking at that phone it's dopamine hit. So back on her grandparents day there wasn't so much stimulus coming at us, and we didn't have these kinds of electronics and people were a little more present, they talk to each other males. You didn't go to restaurants. Everybody's staring at their phone, so that was one kind of hard wiring, we already had all this going on. But now that we had ease of electronics people are really when they're looking at their phone over and over. It's a double loop. I they're doing it. Unconsciously self sues. Yes, a little get a little dopamine hit. But then you do that. Jillian time. And now you automatically on autopilot. You kinda can't help yourself. It's a compulsion to go to your phone every time. There's even the tiniest bit of chemical cascade from your alarm going off. We're just going to go to that, but there's a cost to putting our stuff off. Then you've got these big deadlines. Then you've gotta have all this stress than cortisol is coursing through your body, which ages, you and makes your skin bad makes you feel like Helen, it hurts, your new system, all kinds of negative effects and what I love about this. I dunno recipe of sneaky, brain, hacks, is that it allows people to as I said, triple their follows through, but not take so much effort like the effort goes away. So it's not you know, we all think we should have unlimited amount of willpower. And scientists tells you have a finite amount every day, like a bucket full and your amount of willpower that you have access to might be different than mine based on your stress, and how much sleep you had kind of food. You had did you exercise and it changes every day? And that's this is what you referred to. The willpower bucket. Yeah. It's like a metaphor bucketful yet. And what we don't know when we wake up in the morning, we have the most we're going to have for the day, and we each have a different size bucket, and your size can change based on how much self-care you've had. But you wake up in the morning you got this finite amount. And we think is not a good person with good character. I gotta have access to unlimited willpower, which is a top brain activity is tempering energy like knitting. Your brow in doing your taxes. Do you know what I mean? We'll our background Karnik, Justice karmic, Justice karmic, Justice win you when you're alarms. Been tripped in the bottom. Two brains of hijacked the tub rain. It's jail now and willpower is in jail with your top rain, not the useful tool and you try to us through in push actually makes things a lot worse. So we've been just using the wrong tools like that pushing resistant, we're actually strengthening things that are causing the resistance, that's it. That's it. We're trying to drive the Ferrari with no air in the tires. Now so far not gonna get very far not gonna get very far. So there are a few people that can do this. Well, can I assert it costs too much? There's other ways around that maybe we should talk about that some ways. Yes. Nipple yet, let's share if you would with listener some tidbits because I really do. I really, you know, for all of you listening out there, I really cannot. I mean, I'm going to get the audios and I'm going to do this. And I can't wait to start. But I don't want people out there, sitting there thinking. Well, it's another one of these, you know, it's going to work, but let's give them something so that they actually know that this is this is gonna I want people go to the site. I want to get these downloads. I want them to get at those two button, brain's working guess. Yes on I'm torn out because I can either tell a story for their unconscious mind, which is most actionable. Okay. And then I can also give a couple tips specifically. About how to make this easier for people at wanna exercise, for example, that are putting that off because I know that's a lot of your try. Would that be helpful? Yeah, yeah. Like this, this is not just for business owners. This is no free ios. This is not for. This is for stay at home. Moms one of the hardest jobs ever for a university students. College grads pretty much anybody all walks of life because we all have been born pre wired with things that we had no control over yet. You have the power and now the tools the resources the information to actually do something. If I'm driving around I get a flat tire will. I know what I can do to fix that. So have so why don't we do something to fix this? Yes. I've ING around on four flat tires come to clock. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Thank you so much for listening to the strong design podcast. If you find our show helpful in any way, please, let us know by leaving a five star review on, I tunes, go to strong design podcasts dot com. Your review will help us reach more listeners and continue to change lives. Let's get back to the show. Let me tell quick story about doctor that new part of this brain science. And I'm going to speak now. This is the fastest way. I can help your listeners. Right. I'm gonna speak now because metaphors the language of the unconscious mind in your conscious mind is either in your corner, helping you finding resources or it's not near corner because you've had a pattern of grouping in losing with your unconscious mind, these superhighways over and over and over. But there was a woman who was incredibly out of shape, she was overweight, she hadn't exercised in a long time to her, her link was exercise was dangerous. She didn't know it with your top range, she had a high end treadmill in her house. She tried every exercise stone, and she failed them all, but she was in ill enough health. She went to doctors who repeatedly said, look, you've got to do something, or your heart's gonna give out you gotta do something to change this, and she was pretty desperate. So she went to a doctor, that knew about the brain science, and he was very unorthodox me said, okay? Let's try something new. I'm gonna ask you a crazy question but in the warning, what's your favorite part of the morning? She said. He said, oh, my God. That's easy thing, it's my first Cup of coffee. When I read the paper is okay, I'm going to ask you to do something wild because at this point, she wasn't able to even look at that, treadmill that was in her house, without feeling a little sick. Right. Just trigger. So he said, I want you for the next two weeks to get up in the morning and have your Cup of coffee and read the paper while you're standing on the treadmill. But whatever you do, don't turn it on just do that. This is kinda crazy, but she did it and she came back. And she reported that she was starting to feel much veteran morning news said very good for the next couple of weeks. What you do the same thing, paper coffee on the treadmill, and then turn it on for one minute, and walk for one minute at the lowest setting absolutely flat. So she did this or couple of weeks and she noticed something funny, which was that she was starting to be able to walk past this treadmill without getting activated. She wasn't having to do anything big, but she's like, and so this continued and she kept saying the doctrine, he kept adding a couple of weeks to this now. Tony right here, sidebar when I share the story people people to all my God, they grown roll their eyes and they think two things one the snowflake baby steps and it's not at couldn't be further. It's like baby steps like mount common Jaros not grabbing its reprogramming also not behavioral mod in. It's not it's not exposure therapy. Although there were flavors in there, but it's training. It's a way to retrain, the alarm that has nothing to do with the top brain. So suffice it to say. Oh, in people also think I don't have one hundred seventy five years. But what happened was in a matter of a couple of months, she went from having historically for years, not being able to exercise to all of a sudden, on its own the alarm in the middle brain, made the connection that, that exercise for her was not a tiger. Right. It wasn't yet dangerous and all of a sudden her curve went straight up and within and she was able to run and very wish it was running a mile a day day, amazing day, and she stayed that way. And she got fit. Now, the moral of the story is the big thing is she did not have to change your character because people looking at her for years before this might have made the assumption. Well, she's that unfit. She's not overweight. She's that unhealthy. She must not care. She must not want to do anything, but she had all the inner motivation inside. She was just missing part of the tools. So that's just a tiny bit of what worked in. My recipe is complete. It's kind of a lifestyle. It's not like going to very easy, and you get results right away. But it's not like going to university in getting a degree in taking it off the list. It's a lifestyle that you're just incorporating the steps everyday, on all of a sudden, you're doing the recipe and everything's works, and your magically, getting stuff done. You don't have this chemical dread cascade, or you don't do the recipe and then things go back to the way, they work, right? So this can become your normal like like rewrite not like it's just rewiring it. So this does become your normal. Yes. And then over time, and it does take time to rewire Euronet will. Yeah. Definitely put it really does change the plasticity of the brain, you can do things. So that's one component. Another component would be. There's a great. It's something called activation energy in. There's, there's a speaker on YouTube called, Sean acre think he teaches at Harvard any calls activated energy, which is very helpful piece of this for people to know that's the getting ready to get ready part. Right. Ready and that's the part that we discount. So if you're gonna if you are planning new exercise thing, and you're gonna oh, I haven't been running for a year in tomorrow to start running a mile a day, and you're gonna do some, you have some big thing in mind. One way to help yourself is to get rid of the activation, energy. Get rid of the little steps that it would take to get you started. Because those we think are tampering, thanks. Those are nothing may take a few seconds often but may, but they completely kill it for us. Right. So, for example, Sean, acre, he said he wanted to play guitar, and it kept having an intention to play the guitar, and he had to walk ten feet to the closet, where the Qatari was any, only played two days out of a month. He wanted to play guitar, but the next intention, he got rid of that ten feet and he put the guitar on a little stand right at the end of the couch and getting rid of just those ten feet changed it. And he ended up practicing every day, so. Oh, how that could look for someone else might be. For example, he wanna be exercising, but you notice new go to bed thinking exercise tomorrow, when you wake up in the morning, need hit the snooze alarm. You don't do that. You could enact case, get your workout clothes all laid out, and they're either at the end of the bed, or your sneakers are at the door. Ready to go with your gym bag? It just makes a crazy difference. Right. It makes a crazy difference you would think that shouldn't matter but it's so it does it so funny. That, that reminds me when I was living in New Zealand, working with a client. And like the like you get most people know know what eating healthy. Most people exercising good free. And so, I was kind of like to refer over sort of rehab for people that wanted to lose weight, get health because they've got all the diets tried all the all the things. Yes. And they would walk into my office going, I okay. When whatever it is you do. Can you do that for me? Because nothing's working stick to it for three months. I fall off and I had one client. And honestly, we started with her actually putting on her running shoes at night, and wearing them to that. Oh, wow. That's what it took. She like the backpack was right by her nightside table. And her running shoes were on now mind shit and take running shoes off to get her like her gym clothes on. But that I mean, the first nation sleep. Well, you know, but it worked. Right. And I'm like, why can't I do something for myself for the stuff that I'm putting you can you? Absolutely. I mean it's the bigger. We can't do the whole thing on. But it's bigger but there's, there's another piece to this. That's really helpful, which is that silliness isn't a component is so silliness is the opposite brain chemistry to dread at a little bit of silliness. I recommend that everybody go get on easy buttons from Staples. Oh, jed serious or easy buttons for Staples dot com or Staples dot e you if you're in Europe, they're like seven bucks. If you haven't ever played with one, but from a brain place. It's an anchor an anchor is something you can install which is a stimulus that creates a predictable chemistry response in your body, which is pretty cool. So it's kinda like if you remember, if you smell of Cologne or perfume, and then you have we walked back to like eighth grade but he had a crush on those, that's an anchor. Well, if you easy buttons are great because they're the best anchor, you can use their physical, 'cause they light up multiple parts. Your brain visual kinesthetic auditory. So big red button. You know, you see hit it, then you here in a little man's voice that was easy, but they're silly right? So if you think back to science class. Anybody that had chemistry if you mixed in alkaline and acid what happened was. They neutralize each other. Right. So if you have dread, and you're feeling bad, when you add some silliness in your helping, that's a sneaky brain hack, whenever you, you know, if you put your gym clothes by the door, and you put them on. And then you hit the easy button, your powerfully helping to begin to rewire your neural net. Right. So that's just an easy quick immediate shift that people can make because we really want to change it. So that people aren't grooving in those patterns in more and more superhighway. That's why as people get older, they get more resigned. They tend to get bitter. It's just because they were missing the information, and those parents so hard on. They don't think they have any options in more. And there's just such a different way to do it. Thank you so much for listening to the strong by design podcast. If you're enjoying today's show, please subscribe, so you don't miss any future episodes, go too strong by design podcast dot com. Let's get back to the show. There's so so much hope in what you do for so like for so many people because the other thing when you were talking now I was just I went to write it down. Of course, didn't start stuff. But it was kinda like ninety been so much. It's kinda like a form of procrastination I guess, but that whole on. It's probably my big one, speak for myself, is that because of the things that I like to do in, like the whole, I figure my whole purpose here is to try and do something that has an impact that brings good to the world that I can do something that, even if it makes one person smaller helps make their life better than I've done something good with my life. Yes. So I have these, like these ideas like there's the novel in than being able to speak it events and just like you know, creating video content like we do here to help people. So there's like, like big picture thinking. Big ideas. Yes. Flying to the idea that because I'm also incr-. Credibly patient. I wanna do everything but I wanna do perfectly. So like a dozen things. And they're all great ideas and I suffer from he'll wanna do. All right now, it's almost like it. Paralyzes edit does paralyze you wanna do it. All right now, I'd say will. That's not possible, but which one do I start with what stuck to start with, because I just wanna do all of it right now, I want to create the event and send somebody to a camp, and I want want to do all these things. All right now. Yes. And I wonder if sometimes in the brain, there's that thinking it's like those are all really good things that authentically genuinely personal wanna do, like we flutter system with wanted to do it all keeps us from doing anything we, yes, because those are overwhelmed chemicals leaves your top rain. Right. So one thing you can do for something like that is to just you have to let go which always feels funny at first, but you have to let go to the best year -bility of the figuring it out part of your brain. And you just pick one it could be like a dartboard kind of thing just. Hangar on your list this one this one, and then you just start. And you don't worry about finishing because one of the things that's happening, right? There is we we make mountains on a mole hills. And we picture not just starting something but we picture the whole thing in all the steps. It's gonna yes overload. If you think about it Tanya think about, like, somebody that does write the great American novel. Right. Right. Nobody sits down and doesn't want sitting. No. We get what we act as, though are unconscious mind and our bottom two brains our bodies acting like if I start this, I'm going to have to do the whole thing, and that kicks the alarm in, and then you wanna go do your Email, right or right? Grapes of wrath. He started at six AM was done at nine right? Don't we nobody ever talks about this? But the person that's a professional writer say. Right. That's already written novels. What are they do? They get up in the morning. Big use the bathroom. They get a Cup of coffee. They sit down and they write a little bit, and then make it up. And they take a walk. They walk the dog maybe work out, and then they come back and I write a little bit and this name and there's not an expectation because they have a history, there's not an expectation that they will do it all in one sitting so in large measure, they're not as overwhelmed with the same kind of writer's block. Some of them are some of them just struggled, just like you talked about at the beginning of our call. But this just keep starting as a number piece of the recipe when our relationship to thing is. I don't have to worry about how it turns out. I don't have to worry about anything. I'm just going to pick one not figure out why and just start because that changes your chemistry. Now you're in some momentum and we all know momentum is everything. All of a sudden, your self esteem, goes up. So both of these things like the dread sends you down a rabbit hole where self esteem goes down, which is a little bit of movement, a little bit of action in a positive direction sins cycle in a way that we wanted to go and Hauer changes, so I love what I love about this system is a couple of things one of the things that you mentioned, it matters to everybody will it does back when I got that contract for the two thousand women I used to cry every Friday, happy, tears. I would cry every, I would read, well, we had posts in people would post on Friday, all the wins that they had and mama would in it in her home based business, but it would translate to the kids and the kids started not fighting with each other. And they would do their chores without having to be prompted a beheading easy buttons like crazy. You know what I mean? One, math problem the easy button next hour hit the you know what I mean. Like without being told it went all the way down to ease unhappy potty training. It was crazy. And I would cry just reading the stories. Of how much changed, you know what I made from people getting access to this little bit of information. But they didn't have before. So it's powerful and it makes a big difference in it's, it's much better than us walking around with shame and judgment all the time. Right. It's unnecessary. It's not our fault is just not anybody's fault. We just been missing a little bit of information. Yeah. And it's that not not to downplay. But what I say it's that simple in terms of isn't some big secret that you have to be of a certain socioeconomic class, or moral churry have to cert- it just it's they're, they're just nobody taught it to us. So we nobody want about it. And matter of fact, how I put the I mean, I had the recipe for myself in as I said it was working with all these different populations. But how I made it available to people as I just put a group together, but didn't know any of my stuff we took people that were profoundly stock, and I taught it to them in a group, and you just listen to six phone calls in your hair them transform from being profoundly stuck to having these extraordinary breaks breakthroughs. And when you hear other people change it how're fli models for your conscious mind, your unconscious mind, makes leapfrogs. Like, oh, my I can see how that happens all of a sudden that was a brick wall, and now there's a doorway there right now. I can do something. So it changes. It it just changes it yet. Wow. Yet again just so so much hope because for everybody listening. I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of sitting there. Like shaking heads going out. Okay. Okay. So wendy. Where can we find you aware? Cu we get these tools to begin the work. Yes. Well, my sight is procrastination hyphen, cure dot com procrastination like dash your dot com. And I made a special page just for your listeners here Tanya rate. Yes. So you could go to procrastination dash cure dot com forward slash S B D for strong by design at that page, people can download, I'm just gonna make it available that you can download for free. The first of the six modules did you hear that folks that is awesome, Wendy? That is absolutely one. Thank you so much for doing. That is a wonderful guest, you're more than welcome. And then if people wanted it's really affordable in. It's right there on the site at procrastination hyphen cured come after they've listened. Into the cure, right? The first module, you can get yourself the whole thing if you wanna get it, and you can be well, on your way, because it's extrordinary happens immediately within. Yeah. Ace, you know what I mean in? They're such a flood of relief when you God, this is never been my fault. Nobody gave me the operating manual and it's so bloody easy. And I tell people you don't even have to find six hours to listen to this just download them to your phone and having in your pocket. It's designed to fit in the nooks and crannies of your life. So just listen for five minutes at a time when you're stuck in traffic. Yep. Or in wine verse restore, we don't want it to be an obligation or another thing, too ill yourself over people think, oh, I procrastinate, I'd never even listened to the thing. Gotcha covered. Five minutes at a time and you'll be retraining your brain in all of a sudden it will take on from there. You don't have to figure it out or understand it. But there is relief right? And we all have our phones with us all the time. Also, you've made it this is this, this isn't part of the procrastination 'cause it's part of you've made it. Cure. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That is wonderful. I can't wait to have you back on the show again law because at that time I will have I will have been working through on Joel. And I am snow excited to experience all of that, because again, it's not a secret. It's not a secret ship. It wasn't taught rate and it's there in what I love about it is it's science. It is. And you guess argue the science behind it. You just can't why this is why the brain is. It's amazing. And it's incredibly powerful in every time I hear about something that has been proven and you know, it's been proven with science and it's another tool. I know this is something this is another brain will because it's I always talk about how it's sort of very uncharted territory in a lot of ways because there's still so much about it that we don't know. But we do that it is capable of so much. We just be to better understand, how to utilize a work with it tools are going to work for what areas. This is one incredibly powerful tool that you're sharing with us to again, just use that much more of our brain to do so much better to do staff. Yes. Well, an I invite everybody know often what comes up for people are couple of things, particularly for the high achievers. We've been so married to our to our feeling of willpower that has to be the way that we do it, people think I don't want to give that up, and I want people to know on taking that away from you, you that tool in your tool belt as long as you want. I'm just saying if you add in these other pieces, you're gonna find out, you can get so much more mileage without so much cost to yourself. And I also want people to know that all skeptical parts are welcome 'cause I don't believe me, please don't believe me at all. Just do two things like suspend your tampering trying to figure it out because the only people that don't get this cure that get those modules are people that stand on the sidelines and try and figure out. Why should this work with their top rain before they get? Into action, the people that just say, you don't have to believe me, but let experience let you know, your life, just start everything, and notice, what happens and let that be your guide. And the other thing is I have case studies reviews of this, you know, from here till the next block. Right. All words tons of them. So people could go to that site, procrastination dash dot com. Listen to what results other people have it sounds too fantastical, but trust me. I shouldn't be here. I should I didn't say this. This isn't a secret, but this is an unusual collection of these tools that I kinda cherry picked, and then I have a second piece of work. I work with people that have all come out of the tribe right birth. Sometimes people go. My god. My stuff is so entrenched, you know, this works procrastination, but I've got these deeper, self sabotage issues and I have used all the things that got me out of the house that I should have been dead. I had cherry picked things that nobody's ever heard of before put them together in a way that no other coach on the planet does you know, there's a special recipe of those tools. So there's other opportunities to for small group coaching individual coaching. I don't have many slots because of speaking for Brasil coaching. But right groups there are ways to go even deeper than that beginning place of the procrastination air just letting people know what's valuable if. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean what you're doing is phenomenal because it I mean it can help so many people. And again, I'm not it is this isn't just for in a high level CEO's. This is for anybody in everybody, buddy and antibody, that is that is struggling with why why getting star. Why do I do. Why am I sabotage myself? Yeah. Yeah. You can have it can have relieve. Check it out. So procrastination hyphen chore dot com forward slash S b d for that free gift from one. Yep. Yep, absolutely. Well, wendy. I cannot, thank you enough for being on the show. I absolutely want to have you back on again. It has been an absolute pleasure to a hawk with you get to know you little bit over these past few weeks. So keep doing what you're doing police lease while. Thank you, nothing could make me stop. We're like a freight train. It's like a movement and rightback. This has been delightful tiny, I completely look forward to. Coming back. Join you again, in also seeing how this works in your life. 'cause I know it will work and talking to about your work, and all the other projects would like to on the other projects. Bring it works for all of it. So wait. This is fantastic, windy. You have a wonderful rescue week, and we'll talk soon. Take care. I'm coach timing here. What's critical bench and the strong by design podcast? Thank you so much for listening in tuning in today for my chat with Wendy heart. Please checkout. Her website, WWW up procrastination, hyphen dot com for that free gift. It is procrastination hyphen cured dot com forward slash SPD. Okay, everybody, wishing you well, take care. And we will talk again. Thank you so much for listening to the strong by design podcast. If you found value in today's episode please subscribe, so that more people in find out about our show. Plus you don't wanna miss any future episodes. The amazing guests and topics we have lined up for you.

Tony Robbins Wendy heart Cure Tanya golf cortisol Jerry Springer dopamine Cheever Tonya Wade Arctic Europe Gruber Greg Valentine Sean acre New Zealand
How To Navigate Stress | Patrick Veroneau

The LEADx Show

40:42 min | 8 months ago

How To Navigate Stress | Patrick Veroneau

"Would you like to accelerate your career and reach your full potential in minutes a day. Welcome to the lead x show with New York, times bestselling author and eat five. Hundred Entrepreneur Kevin crews. Hey guys, Kevin crews here, welcome to the lead x show where we help you to stand out and to get ahead at work now as you know, we like to switch things up here. Keep it interesting and continue that tradition today on the podcast instead of me interviewing an expert guest. We're GONNA. Have the guest deep dive into their topic. You see you'll be hearing audio from a lead x Webinar, now. Of course, there are dozens of great webinars on Leadership Management Communication Productivity and more all archived in the lead X. APP just visit lead x dot org for more information about our Webinar archive so enough on the set up enough background information. Vanya Mathis to introduce our guest and handed over to them. Enjoy thanks for watching how to effectively lead. Anada Gate stress in payoffs. Our next host is going to help you understand the origins and impact of straps explain how increased you can help you manage stress and provide a few different types of approaches that you can use to combat the feelings. Anxiety may have right now. He's also going to discuss a very simple practice that you can do every day to increase your wellbeing unresolved. Or host is the founder of emery leadership group has a masters in organizational leadership and as an expert on emotional intelligence. He's a member of the Forbes Coaches Council on Harvard Business Review Advisory Board. Please welcome. Patrick very new everyone? This is Patrick Baranov. I'm here to do a Webinar on how to effectively navigate stress and lead slash help others and the reason I have lead in there because to me as we go through this. I think you'll see that. This is not just a workshop on how to navigate stress internally, but to me this is about this is a leadership workshop where I spend most of. My time working with organizations so a little bit of background. Be Behind me. I run a podcast called lead like no other actions that inspire which will soon be changing to leadership reimagined, and that really is. Based on a lot of the work that I've been doing this podcast has been in existence for. Almost, two years now, but some of my background ice tablist, my business in two thousand eight, which, for those that remember that was our last financial crisis so I'm I'm familiar with the space for for what that's worth, and there are three areas that I focus. My work on one is on emotional intelligence. A model that I use is out of Australia. The group is called Genus, and it's a workplace model I also do a lot of work both disk in the five dysfunctions of a team. In combining those and then the last piece, it's like a three legged stool. Is Around Influence and bias research. And I was able to get certified and trained under a gentleman named Robert Dini down in Phoenix Arizona, the three of those for all of the work that I do and what we're GonNa talk about today in regards to leader stress, management and leading. Are All relevant and pieces. Those will come out throughout this. So. Here's some contact information for me as well. And I will start this out as I mentioned to me this leadership workshop. Even though we're talking about stress, management and I say that from this quote. John Quincy Adams said if your actions inspire someone. To Do to dream, more learn more do more and become more your leader. Nothing in here about a title and I think we really have an opportunity. It's our actions that will inspire others, and how we relate to stress and navigate stress, ourselves will have the ability to impact other people around us to, and that's why they're so important. So, the objectives here right explore the biological psychological and social aspects of the Human Stress Response, and it is a response and we're GONNA. Look at it really from a few different areas right the physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual impact of stress, and it really does impact all of those. So then we'll look at understanding. What are some of the coping strategies that we can use to either increase, or what once damage our resilience? And this really is meant to be almost a buffet, even though you probably can't find buff as anymore because of the environment we're in. That this really will be an opportunity to take a look at what are some different strategies that I can use that fit in in my lifestyle. You don't need to choose them all. But there's something here for everybody in terms of how you can effectively navigate, stress yourself or help somebody else. And then from there, we'll look at a model that I put together and it's journal actually. Called the power. Journal, and there are a number of activities in that promote both wellbeing resilience. And this is based on a lot of research I will say foundationally. One of them is based on one that was done by gentleman named Sean Acre. WHO A HARVARD RESEARCHER! And he did what was called the twenty one day challenge, and he actually did this back in Glebe two thousand nine, so at that point of financial crisis before. And he actually did it with A. Group Company that was in the financial industry. And what they found when they when they did these activities that we'll talk about the end. That the the individuals that were able to follow through on this twenty one day challenge themselves to be in a happier place and to me if we can identify those things and find that and find a way to be happier, rebuild more resilient and well. Being I think all of us want that. Especially now. So a couple pieces of research talking about the origins of stress. If you weren't familiar before you probably are now in regards to the CDC their definition of stress, harmful, physical and psychological responses when job requirements don't match capabilities, skills, resources, or needs of the worker and I think in the environment that we're in now. Most of US probably feel stress in one of those areas. Now, what's important here is this. CDC's definition also goes on to say that this should not be confused with challenges and I've listed. You stress here. Because we need stress stresses important for us as well because it provides us an opportunity. To grow and improve. It's only when we lose control of it. That it becomes damaging to us and really that's what this workshop or webinars focused on. Undoing is providing ways that we can take the stress that we're dealing with the situations that we're dealing with and find ways to navigate those and I would say almost leverage these. So the next piece I'll talk about. Is this one that was done by the? American psychological, association. This was a survey. Twenty fourteen where they served. A little over three thousand individuals, and they ask them questions in four different areas, work money, family and health. I've only listed to here. Is it relates to both work in financial stress but I think if we were to take this today. We probably would all agree that? These would probably higher than sixty percent. But in this what they did was they asked individuals. Where are you on? This level and sixty percent felt that they'll work. Stress was significant. Sixty four percent of respondents felt their financial stress significance. And the fourth bullet here is I think so important in the environment. We're in right. Emotional support mattered. forty-three percent of those without emotional support said that their stress increased over the previous year. And forty three percent of those also said that they experience depression. Now, we look at that as it compares with those that felt they had emotional support. Twenty six percent of that group said that they're increase. Their stress increased over the previous year. And about a third, had experienced depression and I think that is so important to note because when we think about social distancing. The only place that social distancing is really a value to us right now. is as it relates to our physical health and not catching the virus other than that. Social distancing has probably provided more stress for us. Ben. Sort of counterproductive in other areas because we're pack, animals were we don't work well in isolation. So we look in terms of causes of stress. You can see here I've listed perceived lack of control and I do believe that's important that oftentimes our stress, the root cause of it is based on a perceived lack of control, and once we feel as though we have some control over the situation. We will often find that are stress lowers because we're. We're in the driver's seat at this point, or at least we're. We're doing things that will help. Alleviate that and it's important to recognize. So we think about this. In terms of causes got both external and internal causes. The external causes our family work economics school major life changes unforeseen events isolation. I think if I were to speak with everybody listening to this I think we could agree probably. Every one of those is being impacted right now. And we'll look in terms of internal causes right. It's the worry the fear, the attitudes, unrealistic expectations, or maybe even past experiences. People have been through somewhat of a similar situation, and it's almost as though they. They have bad memories of going through this before, and they bring that forward, and they interpret what happened in the past. It's going to happen again. So when we look at signs and symptoms of stress, we can go through cognitive, behavioral, emotional physiological, so cognitive decreased concentration, comprehension and memory, and we know through research when we. Put People in stressful situations, even in very rudimentary tasks. That oftentimes people don't perform as well. They make more mistakes, so we know that stress really has a negative impact on our cognitive ability. Certainly behaviorally we see it around us right irritability withdrawal violence. Emotional fear, anxiety, depression, fatigue, and then physiological increased. Blood pressure increased heart rates respiration 's sleep issues and I think what's important to note here as well decreased immune responses here. We are trying to provide an environment so that we don't catch the virus and oftentimes the stress that we're under. Undermines that and it's. How do we gain control of that? When we look a little deeper into some of the areas where stresses associated with certain diseases. We can look. The list is pretty long here. and. This is an all of them. Now that said this is not to say that if I have stress, I will. Somehow. Be The recipient of these, but it certainly is to say that we know from a research perspective. There's a link between stress. And and these. Diseases that we run into. So it's important to recognize that. Next I'll talk about what's called the effects of the wandering mind, and this was done by two researchers. Gentleman named Matt Killingsworth. And another name Dan Gilbert they sample twenty, two hundred and fifty adults, and what they did was based on iphones. They sent them tax randomly throughout the day. And when that person received that text, they had to answer these three questions. How you feeling right now? What are you doing right now? and. Are you thinking about something other than what you're currently doing and what they found was that. Almost forty seven percent of the time that when people received that text. They weren't really doing what they were thinking about. And I think that's important because you should see the next bullet here. People found to be considerably less happy when they're mind was wandering. And I have here in my humble opinion, this is evidence for the need for routines and structure which we'll talk about more. I think the more times that we are in spaces where we're not occupying ourselves. It gives us more time to wander and in the environment that we're in right now. I. Believe that this can be even more detrimental to us because there are so many negative out there that we can attach to. That we start to ruminate on these things and we'll talk about that more later. So couple of thinking traps that I wanted to bring up here. One is called the victim. Other people are circumstances of a sole cause of your problems or setbacks. I think that's important to recognize the situation. Catastrophe as the next one ruminating about irrational worse case outcomes of a situation so I could sit here and think well. You know my business from a consulting standpoint. Is a lot of it is in healthcare. Some of it is in in defense contracting. But primarily involves me being inside an organization. I'm working with them and that's on. Hold Right now. So I could say what my income is diminished because of that, and because my income has diminished, I'm not gonNA. Be Able to pay for my college education, my sons. Maybe the investments that we have are going to diminish I'm not going to be able to retire. If I can't retire, you know. I'm GonNa live on the streets. My son's not gonna be able to graduate. We just go down a dark path. which is called catastrophes ing, and then lastly is around helplessness. Negative events are going to impact all areas of your life, and you have no control. So back to that right lack of control in stress when we feel like we're helpless, our level of stress goes up. That's really what we're feeling right now. No vaccine, no treatments. Not Enough Resources. It adds stress to us. So we look at coping approaches, we can look at this in two different buckets. One positive coping and the other. We can put as negative. What how we can also look at these one is about responding. These are sort of long term ways that we can deal with coping, and the other is coping in the moment, the reactive type of coping. So we I look at the positive types of coping strategies. The list can be pretty long here. Right so when we start out realistic expectations so important right set realistic expectations, expectations and goals. That if you work from home now, and you have a house full of other people that are either going to school or working from home as well then recognize my day. needs to have structure, but it's not gonNA. Look like it does when I'm I'm away at the office. And as well, there are going to be bad days. And, if there were five of us in the house and each one of us has our own bad day, then that could be a week of bad days. And we need to understand that. So you can see here the last line that I've got there remain positive while planning for challenges. It's this dance between expecting. Things are going to work out, but also what am I gonNa do if they don't got the example here of Celine. US Air because I think it's one of the best examples of planning. And for those of you that don't remember. Sully was the airline pilot that put the plane down in the Hudson River after he had engine problems and when people asked him. How did you do that? You sounded so calm when you were talking to the tower, and he said well. That's just what we planted for we we. Train for those types of events and the same thing is true here that as much as we need to be positive, we also need to expect that. Things are GONNA go poorly. And what am I GONNA do? When that happens! How can deal with that ahead of time? So the next is around routines maintain a schedule. This goes back to that wandering mind I've got listed here. Get dressed. I think for people that maybe are not used to working at home, and they now are get dressed. Don't stay in pajamas or sweatpants or don't take a shower. Because when we do that mentally, we are out of position. So next limit new streaming. I think that is so important. We don't need to know what's going on all the time and quite honestly most of the news that we here is not positive, and if we have too much time, and that's playing in the background all we're doing. Our mind is being fed with all of the things that are going wrong right now. And it! It is damaging to us, so the next is around reframing. Change the way you look at things. How will I get stronger? How stronger because of this journaling is another powerful tool that we can use where you actually write out? It gives us an opportunity to process what's going on? But I. Would I challenge you to focus on? How will I be stronger because of this because we know through research that oftentimes what we focus on is what we attach to. And if we ask ourselves questions about why things are so bad right now we will come up with plenty of reasons in evidence as to why things are so bad right now. So, next is around nutrition and hydration again. I think it's so important for our immunity is to make sure that we're doing everything we can ourselves. So just a couple of things I've noted here. There are many more in their resources. There are links that will be at the end of this Webinar. But the first one is based on. An interview that I had with A. Personal trainer who spoke about the amount of water that we should be getting the ideal amount and the calculation that he suggested was take your body weight and multiply point six, and that should be your ideal autism water that you want to drink during the day and most of us when you do that. Number are going to be astounded and realize that we drink far less water than we probably should. For me I weigh about two hundred pounds, and that's almost a gallon of water day. Next is when we look at relaxation. Right L-. Learn relaxation techniques take time out for leisure. There's so much in the research out there. In regards to mindfulness activities, it's so valuable for us, and there'll be a number of links and and suggestions at the end of this is how you do that. It's it can be very simple. And lastly I have their find. Find a happy place. And, what I mean by that is again if if you're working from home. Continuously right now that if you can and I know, it's different for everybody if there are spaces within your house that you can keep to just leisure activities that you don't do any work there. So if I'm in the living room, I don't do any of my work in the living room, if possible. And I know we all have different situations, but the reason being is because I. Don't want to confuse the time that I relax with the time I'm working and those lines have really become blurred. With UH spending as much time in in our houses. The next is about this idea of. Discussing the problems right utilize existing social support to solve problems, and even though we are socially distance, there are still tools that we can use facetime ing zoom skype whatever it might be that we're having conversations, just using the phone picking people up and have picking up the phone and having conversations with individuals. How important that is! So next time we talked about some of the negative coping. Avoidance withdrawal in and up itself right don't. Don't socially. Distance yourself within your own house. Continuously that can create its own set of problems, negative attitudes right creating a contagion effect, anger outbursts, not being able to control my emotions, alcohol and drugs. We know that those over time become depressants. Negative self-talk. It's never going to get better resentment. It's somebody else's fault and then violence easier things that are very reactionary that we often do, but in the long run they don't provide us the value that we need in terms of developing resilience so next we talk about coping and resilience right. The coping is the day to day ability to control emotions ability to perceive reality ability to think rationally and inability to problem solve. Now, if I get today three or four, and all of a sudden my ability to control my emotions. Is Gone. That's where resilience needs to to kick him. That's the long term play on this. That's my ability to bounce back. So that I am able to regroup and find ways to control my emotions again my ability the positive capacity to cope with stress. That's really what it does, and it provides resistance to negative events I've listed here. Resourcefulness and I think it's so important to think about this right now is that? We're all in situations where we're lacking resources time money. Space. Privacy whatever that is. We all have equal access to resourcefulness. Nobody has. Any more than anybody else if they choose to. Meaning My ability to find a way around that. Is Up to me. And we all have that ability. So when we talk about resilience builders, you can see here I've got a number listed. I'll hit on each of them just briefly so positive role models humor, optimism, religion, spirituality social support thought records and the Power Journal. So I when we look at. Positive role models so important that these are positive contagious. That when we were around. People at their attitudes are good. It often bleeds onto us. We feel that. Values, right people that were around that their values around empathy and generosity, and I've got listed here competitive. I think that can be important to to be around people that look at this and say we're GONNA. Come out of this stronger. I. Don't know how yet, but we're GONNA come out of his stronger at somebody. That's that's looking at this. As a challenge that will be overcome. And it's especially important when I'm not feeling that way to find other people that maybe they'll boost me up so skills problem solving people that I can reach out to talk to to vent on something and get their perspective on it. Well without I need behaviors, right people that are good listeners and encouraging. Find these people and find regular times to interact with them because they create a positive contagion. We know there are enough negative individuals out there. Find the people that are positive. and. Leverage that contagion. So next we move onto optimism and expectancy positive beliefs. It's so important. Cognitive reframing thought record which will talk about in a moment. But a belief in a meaningful 'cause like there's something that is going to come of this and I know it's difficult at times. But we really need to look at it that way. There's no other option for us when we really think about it. So I've got the green x here. Though as well because I'm going to of talk out of both sides of my mouth is that it's important to also. Recognize? Negative factors to be able to say things like I'm struggling I'm scared. I'm sad if you're leading other people, even if you're a parent I think this is important. Because what it does is it gives other people permission to be able to say that those things are okay, their natural. And when we're able to do that in an exhibit that ourselves it gives those around us the opportunity to be more open about their conversations with us, and that's why I talk about this about leadership Webinar. that. It's our actions that will inspire others that the last thing I want is my children to stifle how they're feeling right now. Because they think well, it doesn't bother dad. He's not talking about this, and maybe I'm overreacting to it. Now, the flip side of that from a leadership perspective is I will always talk about this and say what I don't want. A person that I'm following that every day is saying I'm scared again I. Don't know where I'm going. All of these sort of you know. I'm lost. But I do want that to be in that person's capabilities to be able to do that. That builds trust in that individual. So next is around humor, we know how important humorous in regards to. Everything from from a healing perspective in medical. Research. And we all can find different ways to. Engage in humor. It could be movies it could be. Books could be jokes. It could be things that are being shared. On instagram or facebook or wherever that might be but. Make that a regular part find ways to laugh every day and you can. It's so important for our for our emotional health to be able to do this. So we talk about religion and spirituality, and this doesn't endorse any religion. This is simply to look at. There's ample research around. People that. Practice a religion or have a spirituality that it's associated with psychological and physical wellbeing guards against despair, so it's faith hope. Provides a social support. There's belonging nece which we'll talk more about. Provides positive role models. And provide a positive mission around being for others. So as I mentioned belonging to Social Support We know how important that is. Social support has a profound effect on life, expectancy, isolation and poor social support are associated with poor stress, response and despair. Patients have better outcomes with strong social support. And got listed here right? Few hardy individuals go it alone. And eventually will perish if there's one thing, I think that we're really learning out of this. Global struggle is that we need each other. And this idea that self made. Nobody is self made. It is a myth that unless I birthed myself. I made the the roads that I drive on the car. I drive in the House I. Live in the food that I eat the clothes that I wear the computer I'm using right now. It's ridiculous when you think about it that way and to me, it's a same way to think of anybody who's being self made. That said, I. Think through this. Be Self motivated. That's the difference. To achieve and to overcome, we need to be self motivated. Not Self made. and. To play out this belongings research that if we were to go back ten thousand years and look at being voted outside of a tribe that was a death sentence. You couldn't do it on your own. And the same thing is true today when we isolate ourselves on teams or where isolated on teams or schools. It creates a different death, but it is still enough. So next I'll list here cognitive behavioral therapy, and this is one exercise that I use in. Some of the training that I will do around conflict, management or stress management on a on a larger scale. Rational responses, Challenger thoughts and a helpful, realistic and balanced way, and this is something you can do for yourself. This is something you can help somebody else do. What is the evidence that my automatic thought is true? And I would say here not just or untrue I would say end untrue. because. What we need to do is to look in think there are things that will contradict why I'm right on the. And, maybe if you're if you're so convinced, you don't need to do the true part, just do the part that shows. There's evidence out there. That backs that what I'm thinking could be wrong. Next is what's the worst best and most realistic thing that could happen. I think that's important, right? Because what do we do? We often go to the worst case scenario that catastrophe housing, and this helps us to sort of level set or to help somebody else. Could I live through it. What's the bigger picture. Am I thinking an all or nothing terms. What can I do to solve the problem? What's the difference? This will make in two weeks or ten years, and you can change this to four weeks and five years whatever, but just giving an opportunity to really slow ourselves down. That's what this process does. It creates a buffer for us to say. Let's look at this differently, and this forces us to do this. I would challenge you when you're doing this. Right it down. Because we know when we write, it becomes more impactful. So last thing we'll talk about the power journal. As I mentioned. This was based on a lot of research from a lot of different perspectives, the journal that everybody will have the opportunity to get for free no call to actions. Nothing else that you have to do. It can be so valuable in terms of building resilience. And in this. Twenty one challenged that I reference Sean Acre did this with this group in the financial industry in two thousand nine? And they only did do five things, and they didn't even have to do all of them every day for twenty one days. But the first one they do was think of five things every morning that they're grateful for now in this what they were challenged to do every time they wrote those down that every day that they did it. It had to be different so when you think about this for the first three to five days. That can be pretty easy. When you get today fifteen, it gets a little more difficult right to now be thinking of. I've had to think of forty five different things that I'm grateful for, but that's exactly the point is that we start to string us out. It forces us to focus on. There are a lot more things that we can be grateful for that. oftentimes, we often just take for granted. When we look at those it changes are frame of mind, so the next was that people had to do something for somebody else. Every day. Just do something for somebody else could be by somebody. Coffee behind you. Call somebody up. Tell him that you were thinking about them. You haven't talked to them in a while. Recognize somebody just something every day. That was for somebody else that had no. Personal Gain for you. It was all about somebody else. Then next people had to at the end of the day right down for two to three minutes or two to three sentence. What went well for the day and if we step back, we think we've started our day out from gratitude. We're ending our day. In a positive place too that we're writing down what what well for the day? And I don't know about you, but oftentimes in our world what we think of is what did I get done today before I go to bed. Or what do I need to do tomorrow that maybe I don't want to do. And we know when we're talking about restorative sleep going to bed. That's not healthy for us to go to bed thinking about something. That's really the kind of stress US out I. Didn't get done what I wanted to. Or this happened that I didn't like or I'm dreading this interaction tomorrow when we can go to bed in a place of what went well today and we can think of. Something that went well during the day. The next is exercise. Participants were asked to do just ten minutes of exercise a day now. The research that I reference in this power journal is one of them is around a study that was done with patients that had been clinically diagnosed with a major depressive episode, and what these patients did was they were put into three different groups. One group have antidepressant. One group was given an antidepressant. The Same One plus exercise and the other was was just exercise alone, and the exercise for both groups was. Three days a week thirty minutes of exercise so three days a week for thirty minutes, and what they found was at the end of four months. The exercise group did the best. Now when they followed up ten months later. They found that the exercise group alone was still doing better than either the. Antidepressant group by itself or the antidepressant group plus exercise now. This isn't to say that anybody that's on an antidepressant should just stop and work out for thirty minutes three days a week, but what it does speak to the power that exercise has on our neurochemical and how that can help us out. The last thing here is around relaxation. People were asked that participated. Just two minutes a day of quiet meditation, and there are so many ways that you can do this. You could focus just on your breathing for two minutes a day. And we know how powerful that can be in terms of resetting ourselves and reducing our stress, and in the journal that you'll have access to their a number of different. Suggestions in terms of how you can practice relaxation especially from a mindfulness perspective. And there are resources and links that will be available that will. We'll help you find other ways to do this, but all of these things. If you follow just this, it's less than an hour a day less than an hour a day to do this. Now to help what I've done is at the end of this journal. There's a tracker here and this is actually three months. And what you can do is keep track of on each of these things. Praise is the three things I'm grateful for others is doing for something else somebody else. Writing is at the end of the day. The exercises self explanatory and the relaxation. which ones am I doing each day to keep track? Into, hold yourself accountable to this to doing it. Because if you do this, it will impact you in a positive way. It's been proven. So to receive the Journal you'll see on this slide at the bottom is my website and leadership group, and again it'll be right on the first page there. You can download it and you will not be asked for anything. Other than I will ask you to do this. That's it. That is the call to action to do this. So as we sort of wrap things up, there are a couple of things I think are still very relevant. This was opposed that I had on linked in a few weeks back. and. It has to do with the Jack Pine Pine Cone. I read about this well over a year ago and it. It really came back to me as I think about the environment. We're in right now. The seeds and the Jack Pine Pine Cone don't release until it is experienced. Extreme heat such as a forest fire once that occurs new growth as possible as you can see here in the picture this. Charter earth fire, the Pine cones are burned. And here. We have the Jack Pine cone new growth. Many today are experiencing. What feels like a catastrophic fire? I don't deny that. But my belief on that is if we think about this, just like the Jack Pine Pine cone that Pinecone doesn't open up. The Resin is too thick on it and it can't up. Until, it's under extreme heat and stress stuff that is not comfortable, but when it does. New, growth happens and I believe that in our own lives. There are many of us out there right now. That are going to be opened up in ways that we've never knew we could. And, if we look at those for opportunities for growth, we will find them. We will find them, and if you listen to any of the podcast that I, put out there, many of them around. The challenges that I had in my own life growing up and I will tell you they relate directly to this i. have some things that I dealt with in my life that. I wouldn't be the person I am today. If it wasn't for those things that I believe the same thing will happen from this. So one last piece. This was a recent. Article, that was in the Harvard Business Review March twenty sixth. There are just a couple of quotes that I think are important. The contagion we can control. This was the title of this article, and obviously it was in reference to the contagion of the virus. Couple of quotes while medical and public health leaders are working as hard as they can to control the spread of the novel Corneau's Corona Virus! Experts and emotional intelligence also have something powerful to offer a way to help us manage a different type of contagion that. If, we let it run rampant. Will only make things worse than I truly believe that a lot of things that we've talked about are directly related to managing emotions as part of that emotional. Intelligence! Next it's easy to become infected by the negative emotions of CO workers the newscast. You're watching friends on social media or your family. In fact, you catch their anxiety and transferred to others. Who Relay it back to you? In an almost unending circuit of negative emotion and I truly believe that that's where this when I talk about politics, role models not only do. We want to search them out, but we also want to emulate ourselves as a positive role model for others. And, then, lastly reducing negative and bolstering positive, emotional contagion will help us all whether this very unpredictable storm together. We have an opportunity here to be leaders to inspire others and the better we are at navigating our own stress and getting that under control, the more inspiring we will be for others we cannot lead. Ourselves if we're on stressful situation. So as we close this out reviewing in terms of practical tips. Set Realistic expectations exercise regularly. Eat Healthy. Get adequate sleep. Maintain a work leisure balance. Practice positive reframing and optimism. Enhance emotional support that belonging this piece, and then practice the power journal. And as I closed this out. You can see here I've listed Internet resources for building resistance and Diet and exercise. Positive Thinking Stress Management. A number of different techniques that we can use that you all have access to. As well as references that are basically from the research that I did to put this slide together. And then, lastly here is my contact information again I. Welcome anybody to reach out to me. In regards to questions you may have. As it relates to this or any other topic, I am more than happy to answer. Those and I will do it. as as a courtesy to help with this scenario and again I can't encourage strongly enough to go on and. Download the Power Journal. It will make a difference for you. As well. I'd encourage you to listen to the podcast where you'll hear a lot more about the work that I do to try and help. Individuals and organizations rise above their best. So I. Wish you the best of luck. Friends. If you'd like this episode of the lead x leadership podcast, please take a minute leave. A rating on itunes or stitcher ratings are invaluable for attracting new listeners. I like to convert those listeners into leaders because you know I'm on a mission to spark one hundred million leaders in the next ten years, and if you want to become the boss, everyone fights to work for, and nobody wants to leave. Check out the lead x platform with coach Amanda at lead x Dot Org, and if you have ten or more managers, who could use some binge, worthy training, send. Send me an email at Info at lead x dot org leap x DOT ORG and we'll talk about getting you set up with a totally free pilot for those manager. See if they like it if they don't. That's fine, we go away. Part is friends, but if they love it, you've just found yourself a new resource for them. Remember leadership is influence. You're always leading. How are you can leave today?

Power Journal US depression Harvard Business Review Jack Pine Pine Cone Sean Acre Kevin crews Patrick Baranov Australia New York Leadership Management Communic CDC Vanya Mathis Anada Gate founder John Quincy Adams Robert Dini HARVARD
Paul Lambert - Dare to Dream

Masters Podcast Club

1:16:25 hr | 1 year ago

Paul Lambert - Dare to Dream

"Win Claybon here love him to this rate wonderful exciting issue of masters? I'm telling you this in advance. I know exactly. That's what's going to happen because of the beautiful man that I'm sitting here with right now. My dear friend Tim Story. Who is no stranger masters? I've had the honor of interviewing him a few times and he introduced me to Paul Lambert. Who is sitting with me right now and now? There's this those times when it's just magical when did just hit it off and it's you have no idea why the relationship is coming around and then all of a sudden things start happening in the relationship starts to serve you and and unfold into beautiful opportunities. And that's exactly what's happened with Paul and so to be able to have the opportunity to share his story and and all of his experience with all of you is a pretty exciting thing for me so first of all Paul. Thank you so much for doing this. Thrilled to be with you and your audience. Thank you for including me. Yeah listen to the voice. Have you ever been like a voice actor or did Ya commentator? Did you ever do that I would love to at you? Know I love like the nature shows. You know with the lion arguing for that I would love to do it in a lot of people have said to me. You ought to get into voiceovers that I've never really thought about it. But you know with animation as big as it is today who knows there you go like you need something more to do than what you're all. I know I can never do enough. I love it all good for you what you are in the entertainment industry and so that the experience that you have and I love reading your blog in the stories that you tell. I liked them because a lot of the stories that you tell our from people who had success a long time ago whether it was in the sports field or entertainment industry not that they don't have relevance today. Because they absolutely do that you did way back. You know. I think discovering yourself and a lot of these huge talents and personalities. They knew they had potential. But sort of finding out where you belong is a discovery is not just a decision. I think some people think I'm just GONNA decide to be a star. I have the talent here we go but I think when you talk to the people that are really made it. And I've had really a lot of fun with people like even Betty White who I think people look as one of the longest running stars there is and you work with stars yourself all your life but there's this discovery process that leads to. Where do I belong and I think to get to where you belong and could be happy it starts with who am I and for me in my journey? Who Am I was a hard thing because again? It's a discovery process. When I was eight years old I came out of my bedroom wearing a yellow raincoat and I grew up in Modesto. California wasn't a cloud in the sky and my mother looked at my yellow raincoat. And she said son. I don't think it's GonNa rain today. And I said mother I am a lion and she said and so you are so. I'm just saying that you discover that I was into pretend I loved watching the Tony Awards but I was a child and all that sort of stuff. So I've ended up discovering following breadcrumbs crumbs that I think have lead to a bakery and I've never been happier and I think one of the keys to happiness is finding out who you are and where you belong while you not only have your own stories to tell but you love love telling the stories of other people absolutely you dig deep in those stories because some of the people that you have worked with you mentioned Betty White. Gosh generally. I've never been starstruck with anybody except for betty white on my gosh. Did you watch your password? Way By side with olive cited. A hundred were showed the day I met her was like there all patting her down with makeup and everything and I'm over here sweaty right now. I'm the one who needs all the work. I'll tell you a little betty white story We were doing your commercial together. One time. And Her William Morris Agents said to me. Betty needs three hours for hair and makeup. I said okay. We're GONNA start shooting at around nine or nine thirty so that means she has to get there around six or six thirty and he said no problem so we had the carpet grow and everything else. I got there about eight o'clock and The person the stage managed the doors. I think you'd better go see this white Problem he says she's really upset and he said I walked out the door. She said hose idea was to give me her at six. Am in the morning. Only Gosh I just froze and then I realize big lesson for me in this a long time ago. Don't ask a big star to be there at six. Am OF YOU'RE NOT GONNA get up and be there at six am to. That's the lesson. All she was mad that she was just there alone with Arab person. And I wasn't there with her. You know good lesson. Oh I have so many lessons admit aretha Franklin and I I went through. She called me and said I WANNA do a vegas show. Will you come meet with me in Detroit of heard so many good things about you? The boys at Holland dozier Holland. In motown they all love working with you. Smokey Robinson likes you and his wife likes you now. That's that's an issue. The wives and girlfriends that they like you so went to see aretha to try and I got off and walked into the hotel and I said this Miss Franklin years. Yes you must be Mr Lambert. I said well yes I am as a matter of fact and they said well she's in the ballroom of there by yourself. I walked into the ballroom. She was at the front of the ballroom. No lights on Big Table. It in the biggest hamburger I've ever seen in my life and I was sitting there going. I'm on go to but she wasn't about to feed me and I realized you know you're in the presence of royalty and I was a little nervous. It was my first time to beat her face to face at. She was wearing these pink feathers with jeans and sparkly silver shoes and I said well hello and she said Hi Paul and I said I love your pink. Can I call you Miss Flamingo? And if you could have seen the stare on her face and she said no you Miss Franklin so I want you to know there have been many Faux Pas that I learned over the years but I'm much better now much better now really you can call Me Miss. Flamingo makes you feel comfortable. It's the I love these stories that we sit here. You have lots of wisdom but I. I love hearing these stories because not that I don't feature brand new people who have entered the beauty industry the entertainment industry or any industry. And I do and I love what they have to say. But what did they say you? You can't Google. You can Google facts. And so people think that they can learn because they watched a youtube video about it or they. Google the facts about whatever it is that they're trying to learn or discover but you can't Google wisdom and so when you can sit with somebody who has story after story to tell again their own stories and the stories of other people. I think you said it's about our heritage where you have to know where we came from and you know I I think too. In your universe you're creating a lot of superstars people listening to this broadcast. This podcast are on their way there on a journey that they don't even know how big it's going to get. That's why I'm a big fan of Tim Story to. Tim teaches us how to think big. And those of you. That are listening that have potential that have talent or one decision one conversation away from something really big and I like to follow someone like Lady Gaga. When she hit it she kinda reminds Madonna a little bit in that. They're they're not artist. Rice than they're not Whitney Houston. They're solid talent. That made the most out of their potential but when Lady Gaga hit she just couldn't handle the size of that orbit and She got overwhelmed She couldn't sleep at night and she was really having trouble with headaches and so she had to take some time off from that superstar career of hers and just kind of revisit. Who Am I in all of this orbit and so she came out with another album took some time off and then started just doing jazz. You know and something completely different but she came out with her new album born this way and her her thought to all of us was be yourself and be proud of who you are and then overnight brown. I think as an absolute fantastic quote where she says. Let go of who you think you're supposed be and grab onto who you really are. And the frightening thing is as those of us the votes your life and I owned an AD agency in New York before getting into entertainment. So I I've been dealing with a results oriented sort of life I mean if my commercials that I created a done over six hundred commercials. If they didn't sell I didn't eat that night. So getting results is really important. And I think if there was a key that I've learned in bouncing back rebooting or whatever we all have to do on a regular basis. I just love a banana. Brown said he or she says there's no greater threat to your critics incentives out there then those of us who are willing to fail because we know how to rise and boy. I'll tell you you've been building your universe for a long time. And you've I'm sure had to rise and rise and rise and some days catastrophes happen. I have a nephew thirty years old. Who took his life for weeks ago? He just couldn't deal with his addiction of many years ago. my brother and I thought he'd been sober for like fifteen years. We weren't aware that he was using again. He has a son and he's divorced tenures and my brother called me and said Paul got some bad news. Well I thought maybe his wife or maybe where the age where things happen to us and he said would he died last night. I've never been so surprised in my life and for the last four weeks our family's been dealing with a surprise that we hadn't counted on and whether it's professional or personal you have to work through these things and for me and for those of you that are going through issues that are surprises like this surround yourself with people that love you be where you're needed loved and wanted and worked through it because all of us experienced this and there are none of us that don't get rock-bottom none of us that don't get our reputations heard but you know something. I up every single day like today and I was so excited to get here and talk with you win and share my experiences with others because I think as you find out and discover your potential and then you find sort of a zip code where the potential can be used an effective. You start gaining confidence and when you gain confidence your confidence leads to courage and I think when that courage and confidence gets going it's contagious and if you're around other people that are like you and have found their potential. I think that's the key to happiness. We have a good friend named Sean Acre and Sean someone I met the in the Green Room of Oprah with them story as a matter of fact and I just love to listen to Sean Talk. John is who doesn't need his seventeen. Million VIEWS IS. Yeh faulk SEAN IS MR happy. I mean he talks about the positive aspects and how you're more productive when you're happy and it goes on and I don't know like a happy expert that I started reading about Sean. Show probably the most unhappy person on this earth and it was his time at Harvard is a student when he was in depression and he was paralyzed because he was so discouraged. An unhappy so he started studying happiness as a research artist. And Sean learned that happiness is part of training your brain and getting up every day and do insert one of the tips. He gave me for instance. And W gives everybody but that let's say that I grabbed onto every day when you get up. Send two emails to that is no longer than two or three sentences. Just let them know you're thinking of him and that has brought me so much happiness that that's a note on my computer is it. I have a little a little note on my computer on the screen on my computer. That reminds me every single day to send out those zero gratitude emails. And that's how I start my day at four thirty in the morning. I'm I haven't even really sipped any coffee yet. But that's isn't that big of a good habit that I learned that you're you're either happier not happy and if you're not happy there's nothing you can do about it but it's a skillset rise is like saying well you either can play the piano or you can't play the piano. You were born that way and if you can't play the piano there's nothing about it now. I can take lessons. I learned from experts. I can find mentors. Could practice practice practice. Practice will the same thing applies to happiness. You have a lot of topics happening here and I want to take you back to a couple of them. Sure I guess. Full idea that we do fall down in. What's that Chinese Proverb Fall Seven Times? Stand up eight. I love that one. You mentioned lady Gaga and heard eating to take a break and I can't imagine what that's like in the spotlight runs to have to go through that but talking to just regular people who aren't in that spotlight whether they're twenty years old or seventy years old. I'm having the same. Conversations is not just that one year olds are are struggling with confidence and twenty year olds or Felli down in trying to figure out how to reinvent themselves and to start all over again or to figure out really who they are. I mean sending emails are having the same confidence. Even when you've got the world at your feet I'm GonNa give you two examples here Tom. Hanks has made a lot of movies. And if you talk to Tom. Hanks who's probably one of the most delightful personalities in Hollywood does say you know. I've made twenty movies and five of them are good and he's really revealing that you just Gotta. Get up every day and do it. I think Michael Jordan one of the greatest NBA players of all time. Michael says you know. I'd miss more than nine thousand shots in my career and I've lost over three hundred games as a professional twenty six times. I've been trusted to take the game winning. Shot and missed and I've failed over and over and over again and that's why I'm successful. Isn't it amazing and Oprah either a loved one of Oprah's greatest quote? She says over time you learn how to turn your wounds into wisdom that's brilliant. What would you say that is in effect? Walt Disney got fired by a newspaper executive for not being creative enough and I think he went bankrupt. a couple of times. I would a people that are out there and I'm not recommended. Take risks that are foolish but when you think and you step out into deep waters like all of us have you're gonNA find a there are certain keys and win when I've been to your conventions and heard you speak. I mean it's really important that you affiliate with other people who have same sort of set of values and dreams. You're not afraid to teach people to dream but in your case you're not only teaching them to dream teaching them to help others and what I'm so impressed with. Is the charity work. And the people from the charities who. I've had the chance to hear speak at your conventions who are so appreciative because it matters and I think this is something that I'm getting more and more into an actually tim story is asked to I. I've been in branding for a long time. I I was part of the early stages of ESPN MTV. And all of that. And then Martha Stewart came on the scene and Vidal Sassoon. These brands became personalities. And today with the Internet and social media you can become a brand and young people are becoming their own universe so if you can have impact and you have something to share with others. Create a brand around your self be committed to. This and Tim has asked Me To start coaching counseling. People that really have something to say. A lot of people have written a book and they just don't know the steps to branding ghetto but in this day. And if you have something to say and you have something to be helpful to others with brand new yourself used social media and start building that audience around you. Tim Now I think at six seven hundred thousand. You pointed out Sean. His seventeen million and I have some other examples. I mean let me. I wrote this down. There was the earth. Global warming is becoming a bigger and bigger issue and a little dicky a little digging. Because I don't have to tell you I don't know little dicky okay. Others of you would know. Probably little bit little dicky came out with a new video came out April the nineteenth and his view of why we should care about the earl that the earth video. That's right why obviously I've watched it yet. Two billion people on April the nineteenth. It's incredible so I mean the. We need to participate with each other build brands. Because now you have the chance to get your message to get what you've learned into the minds and universes of other people. Well you mentioned the idea of dreaming big and now we're related to building your brand and I have some questions about that but I truly believe that. A person's individual dreams cannot be separated from the idea of also giving back and helping others. I just don't believe that it's possible to build your own brand build your own following to to get all your own followers on social media without at the same time helping others so having some component that absolutely is giving back and by the way getting back not you attend one black-tie fundraising cocktail party. This is like a ongoing part of the process that we do of what we do every single day. Where my little church that I go to in? Marin county up in northern California Has a terrific pastor and I travel a lot and said well you know Paul? Why don't we start something new one at you right from wherever you are a little blog and I'm GONNA put in our newsletter at out the one that you tend to be areas that were that out all start at just? Because I was away I started committing. Just kind of like. Here's Paul whether it was in New York or la or Florida or wherever. And here's what's on my mind. That's how it all started like three years ago and all of a sudden I caught fire. What you're just saying. I started saying you know I have something that other people might learn from. I can give back for my experiences. A lot of people see a person like me who has done a lot and and maybe doesn't think that I get sad because I'm very positive or that I. My reputation hasn't taken a blast from someone. That's trying to bait me. I mean that's a phrase I've used in some blogs what to do when you know someone's got which we're GONNA talk about okay. Someone's got bad intentions and and there's a lot of insecure people out there that you know. I try to stay away from his many negative people as possible but on the other hand I think those of us that have a kind of a command of certain things need to be around the negative people in other words resolve argument over whether your children should be in private schools to keep them away from the public. You know and I think sometimes being in the public schools we have to shine our light where there's darkness so I take it as kind of a personal challenge to sometimes be around bullies liars negative people. Because I think when they're around me hopefully I can have some impact and we shouldn't be afraid of those arenas while that obviously was not easy for you in the beginning I mean at the stage of your life. Absolutely perhaps you can take that on or you are taking that on your right in the early stages. I was very competitive and very combative. I think a lot of people who listen to this. Maybe are a little new to this. Sometimes I feel new to that whole concept of Being able to take on the bullies and the negative people while expansive is always pleased. Divorce yourself to stay as far away as possible in social media today. The people that go on are usually the extremes and they're going to blast away on that social media because they don't have to defend themselves they can just go out there. I'll give you an example as a producer of big musicals. You worked so hard sometimes years on a musical you raise my last musical. I raised about twelve thirteen million dollars. That's a lot of people believing you writing checks and then on opening night you have twenty six hundred people in the stands and in the crowds in everybody so pleased in the curtain thumbs down and one of the critics shos blast you or didn't like this or didn't like that and you say to yourself at three in the morning. Of course I read every review that comes out and on the Internet. Are you know forty reviews of people that said it was the greatest night out? I had fun. I love this and you should go see it. I'm telling everybody. And then here's this person that now that's hard to swallow because he can impact and influence the destiny of a show and dealing with your cast the next day all that kind of stuff you know. I've been through it all and sometimes there's motives in agendas that have nothing to do with the show right and have nothing to do with me and so I think for young people and people that are just entering this world of what happens when you get criticized what happens when someone mischievous -ly talks behind your back and gossip start first of all I. I think you have to say well. What does that person going through? What is going on in that person's life right now and really remember. They don't define you you and your actions define yourself and I get to choose. Who Paul Lambert is and one of the reasons? I've enjoyed doing blogs now. I enjoy a little more exposure because I've spent all my life marketing other people. I've spent all my life developing shows that other people's star in but now I'm more comfortable in sharing some of these very difficult things that I've had to endure and not panic. I think that's the word I think you know. We're doing a big show. The theater was full. I got a call at seven forty five from bit with the orchestra. And he's Paul. Paul we gotTa Find Paul. And he said well. He's in the sound booth getting there so I got on the phone. I said what's the problem and the doctor said the snare drum isn't working and I said what's your point and he laughed and said Oh which we do and I said I will have a new snare drum here by intermission but you tell everybody in the back. They're not GonNa have a snare drum today. Now that happens to be very important part of an orchestra the drawn but just get over it you know and by me staying calm and steady. I calmed him down. So I think steady knows and some of the people I admire. The most are those that know how to stay steady at that crisis moment. You're steady I seen you when you produce these magnificent shows and conventions that I've been with and I tell you why admire this so much and then to the double ACP awards. The Tony Awards. Day are a mad house of confusion. These last minute shows with celebrities that are donating their time and everything. They were extremely difficult to do. I've never seen you flammable. Your shows come off no matter what. And that's the sign of someone that has experienced because people are going to respond to your calmness so when you get blasted to those of you that are listening or you have an email. That's really cruel. My first recommendation is take a step back. Take a deep breath and stay steady. Because something's going on probably ninety percent of the time is at you. It's something else they're using you to react to something that's bothering them. You know and I started with you. Have I forty people who love your show and beg your focus on that one critic absolutely tore me up? I mean just tore me up. It really did and I wanted to go visit with him and I'm not afraid to show up either is it what was he didn't like. Did you know because professionally kind of inappropriate right okay and was this four or five years ago in Chicago? Okay so would you still react the same way today? Would you still be upset over? I think so because I from I I. The most important thing is. Try to understand what he's really saying and see if there's any merit to it you know. So maybe it's the difference between reacting in responding. Yeah I think that's right now. Brings it up and you. You're still human beings. Hoarding hurt. Still GonNa Sting. Yeah of course but you will respond differently. Well especially if you're in a leadership position like if you own a Salon. Let's say if you're the person in charge of a Salon. You are setting the tenor for that whole room The personality of that room. And when I hear you guys talk about and I think about you when I go in to get my little air done. What Little Air I ask but I still enjoy doing. It's an environment. It's Anapa sphere. Someone is putting their hands on my body. There is a camaraderie that doesn't exist when I go to starbucks or someone is touching may you know and so there's really needs to be comfortable atmosphere a fun atmosphere and an artistic atmosphere in your case and I think leaders are really responsible for setting the tone even if you've had a bad day and I'm going to get back to Sean Acre for a minute and if you haven't read Shawn's books and things really recommend you do it because he had the disadvantage was the first one that I read and just unbelievable and you know his second one was about learning not how to make yourself happy. The second one was be a part of making other people happy and win. You make other people happy which gets to your gratitude in the morning. You're making someone else. Happy they just got an email from when label and it says I'm thinking of you. What are some of the things you would say? Were person in that two or three seven. Who Want to just say I'm thinking about? You could say that two thousand people the same thing. I try to make it personal to them. Meaning whatever I'm saying is not a cut and paste texts that I can send a whole bunch of people right. It's something specific to them. So all reminisce about vacation that we took together or a conversation that we had In a struggling time for me. That really really helped me. Hey just remember two years ago when I was struggling about this. You told me this and I was thinking about you today. So it's something that was more personalized and I'm sure this happens to you because it happens to me probably ninety nine percent of the time when I do that. The response that I get back as I needed that today. Oh It's not by accident does not like. I'm making a list of all day. I'm GONNA text this person. Wednesday. I'm in a call. This person Thursday on in that moment when I'm so I need to send out my to gratitude emails my to gratitude text messages depending on the hour that. I'm doing it. Whatever the name is that POPs into my head. That's the person that I'm going to reach out to and always ninety nine percent of the time they respond back. Say while I needed this today and doesn't make you happy. Of course I mean it makes me happy just makes you realize that. I'm just part of a big big picture here. Whatever you WANNA call it and I just need to follow my heart just need to trust my instincts in doing exactly what? I'm feeling we know for me. I think one of the most exciting parts of my career in my life now is being forced to perform under pressure and there are a lot of moving parts to a big musical. There are a lot of moving parts to television pilot. Not so much once you get television cooking enrolling but pressure is something that if I could sheriff your thoughts about it might be helpful. I was watching one day of Venus Williams the Great Tennis Star being interviewed. And they said how does it feel to be getting older boy and basic all the young gals who are not gonNA living daylights out of that tennis ball and At Your Age. I think she was thirty. Seven at the time you're in the semi-finals of the US Open. So how does it feel? Are you under a lot of pressure? And she looked at me and says well you know I'm going to refer to someone even older than me that you might like to hear from. Her name was Billie Jean King and Billie Jean King said pressure is a privilege because it gives us the chance to be our best when it matters the most and I took piano as a youngster at I had these little piano recitals. Everybody else was a nervous wreck going to the house. I couldn't wait because I knew during that moment when I was playing my little piece that I was GonNa have adrenaline. I was GONNA have excitement and I was going to have an audience. That doesn't appear any other time that in that piano recital but this is what I was really young I got used to pressure and I started enjoying pressure so I wanna read this one more time because I really think it's a good thought. And that is pressure is a privilege because it gives us the chance to be our best when it matters the most and I today know that there's a lot of pressure parts of show business for a lot of people but there's a lot of pressure parts families and in our day to day relationships as you a little bit about pressure thing short because you're not recommending that people just wing it obviously going into that piano recital you practice. Rehearse practice practice practice. I'm ready do absolutely right. Selena Williams is not just showing up the day of without having right worked out and rehearsed in practice. And whatever else she has to go through. I think more what I'm talking about. Don't fear pressure be ready and no it's exciting and is a dynamic that that moment gives you that can't be created in the practice room it can't be created on the practice court it can't be created in rehearsal hall. Opening night is full of people. And that's exciting and that's pressure. I remember one week before opening night of a big musical. We were still in previews and in previews you only get a couple of weeks. Usually because the theater is reduced ticket sales of the prices for previews so. They don't want to give you a lot of previous. But a show needs previews northern. Make sure the sets worked. And everything's working and everybody's got their accused ride in the lighting's right. You're standing in the right place at the right time. So the light hits you one of our house who'd been rehearsing one of the leads. Came Down with large itis. Just hit her on a Thursday and by Saturday which had two shows. She just couldn't do it now. I was under more pressure at that moment. I think I've ever experienced and the under study I wasn't quite clear whether the understudy was ready and She came out. And you WanNa know something. She didn't miss a single line. The only thing that happened when she got hit in the face by one of the sets because she didn't know the sex changes and from that moment on one of the other actors took her by the hand and walked her through her exits because that was a she did didn't scene changes. But that taught me something and that is count on other people to be prepared and ready. Expect that of other people and if you're a person that is supporting others be ready at all times because we're one combination of moving parts together gentle. I love that message because I think nowadays. Everybody wants the spotlight. Everybody wants Whether that's to be literally famous or it's to make more money or to get the Promotion. People want the spotlight. I want it to focus on me where people pay attention to me. And Gimme the raise and give me the opportunity and I sometimes believe that. A lot of people got the spotlight. Today they make a total fool of themself -solutely tresor. They're not ready absolutely. They haven't done the work. There's an award in the beauty. Industry called the North American Hairdressing Award. Naja and so they choose master hairdresser of the year and all kinds of different categories. Ruth Roach this amazing friend and Icon now in. The beauty industry told me that when she's won this award several times and she told me that her first photo shoot because the competition is based on photos based on hair beautiful makeup and everything else that she told me that her first photo shoot was in the back of a Chinese restaurant. Santa Barbara and I said Ruth. Can I see those photos? She said No. You can't You know. Everybody assumes that ride. Her first photo was worth the Award Brian Eno hundreds if not thousands of sore that before she ever said okay. Judge me based on this one. Will you know I? I work a lot with music. People and my greatest joy has been working with Holland dozier Holland Abo- town now. They have written probably three or four hundred songs and they have probably fifteen or twenty number one hits so they're known for these fifteen or twenty and yet. I'm here to tell you I've heard three hundred others that are not and there's a certain magic about point when a celebrity gets when stars a star and you've got to be very sensitive to discovering one whether you have the magic and two if people are connecting with it because that's the ultimate decision maker of for you commercially is if you're connecting with others and win. I think what your role is. Now one of your roles which I enjoy watching is your influencing so many others that are influencing others now. That means you aren't influencing this person way out here. That person's been influenced by someone who was influenced by. That's influenced by so much. I mean it's a look at your world of influence and I think if we look at ourselves as being part of not just the race of live but the human race. Then we have a chance to be influencers and parents in fluids. Uncles announce influence cousins influence. And your blood. Your family is really counting on you. Especially if you've been able through Paul Mitchell or someone else to find an environment where you can be loved needed one Ed and therefore you develop your confidence you talk about. People that are unhappy nine to five jobs because they're not spending time in their lane or in their zip code and their passion right right. Oh there's so many unhappy but you also talked about branding and so can you kind of tie the two together because you're obviously they can't be well. I I think how I learned this. The most is when ESPN. I started. They said Paul. Try some fun things you know. We don't know who we are we. We don't know what's going to happen here. But let's try it out so so. I did a commercial with a quarterback from the Chicago bears. His name was bobby. Douglas and I wrote this commercial is said basically. Yo-you like sports. I Like Sports. And if you're not happy doing what you're doing from nine to five. Why don't you call us and let's see above? Maybe you could be a franchise dealer for a sports shock so you could be in sports all the time. I think we got like eighty thousand responses. I mean it was people that wanted to be in sports yet out and I wanted to have my life doing what I love now. In my case I learned advertising and marketing in a New York advertising agency in New York that I was president of and then my love and my passion was musicals and I think today for those of you that are finding your passion that are committed to wanting to be successful and bigger than just an ordinary nine to five feeling. You've got to market and package your passion. That's number one. And then you've got to learn how to commercialize or monetize your passion and I think that's where the branding comes in. And when people contact me now and say Paul. Will you help me who I am? Here's what I'm doing. Are there steps? One two three four that lead to monetization making money of my passion and the answer is yes and that is a new field that I think you know. Look at Amazon. What they've started. There's a whole group of people younger people that are comfortable ordering whatever. They want to order on their cellphone. Jeff Katzenberg who is the great entertainment executive has just announced. He has six hundred million dollars. He's forming a cellphone network for entertainment and it's only for cell phones and you know it's going to be huge because people are used to ordering and spending money using their cell phone and you and I hope you have a book if you have a thought if you have a product if you have a service we can now help brand you what your values are what you stand for. Because I still think people like to buy from people whether it used to be a retailers sears or you target or whoever we bought from my bag number SAKS fifth avenue did matters. But the bran didn't matter. You knew if I bought that shirt from this place. There is a brand that sort of embraced it and circled it as well. So if you can create yourself what you stand for. And what you're pitching. As a brand for instance the earth video. He cares about the Earth. He cares about the environment and he went out Little Dicky and got other superstars to get involved with them who also care about the earth and they came out with the cutest video. Heard that connects with others and says join what I care about and you can do that too but I think a lot of people that think I agree with Paul I am but then you go out do it. You'RE TREADING WATER. You're in quicksand. You really not building an audience. You're really not understanding. How does Google work? How do I get to the top of that page and there were definite ways that get you might able to ask you then because you just said yes? There are steps to do that. Can you share with us? Some of these steps are and by the way you're talking about that. Branding might my seven year old daughter there. You go is doing exactly what you're talking about doing. She very passionate about homelessness. You've very passionate about environment stuff by me yesterday. She was in the office working on little signs that she wanted me to make many many copies of Can I The funny one was? Can I go hang this tape this to that pole? That Daddy George Rancho. Because he wasn't looking in Ramrod his little. Can I go tape? Which another can I go? Take this sign which was about not using you. Tips and plastics and saving the whale. Right she had a picture of a little seahorse wrapped around a Q. Tip where they end up plastic cue tips and so we should anyway but she was like. It wasn't just for own Little Fox. She's like I need to get this idea out Hashem at about this this I believe in I need to get the word out our. That's the easy part. Meaning the easy part is I have a passion con the easy parties I can define my passion and it matters. Okay that's over here in another seven. Now what do I do with my passion? It's starts. I'm GonNa give it just the basics and then what I do with people we personalize and customize these steps into what you're really thinking about who you need to reach. This is marketing one. What is just? It's moved into social media now as it should first of all. I WANNA reach. Who would be interested in what I have to say. You've got to be able to define that a lot of people think others throw it out there. No come no you need to say. How old are they? What gender are they? What do they care about? How do they get their information? Go through all of these steps to identify who those people are that are going to be attached to what you have to say. Your Passion. I loved Oprah when she has to say I built my universe one viewer at a time and I believe that you know so you have to care about each one of these people that might be interested now. There are two schools of that you know they say if you build it. They will come and sometimes that is true. But I'm more of a marketing scientist. So it you start with. Who is there would be interested in what I have to say. And when you start looking at those demographics psycho graphics and everything that goes with that try to determine who would be most interested in what I have to say. I'll give you an example. I'm doing a musical on robots so I had to start with musical on robots. Yes I mean but the music was really bad. Should man be afraid of the future of artificial intelligence and robots? That's the premise. But then we have a robot story so before I dove into this with sci fi writer and all of that I sat down and said. Is there a big enough audience? That's interested in the fear of what robots robotics artificial intelligence could bring to the table in the future. And you bet there's a fear and a lot of other reasons that that show I think is going to work but my point is I went out and thought about who would be interested in this. So that's step one. Who would be interested in what it is? You're passionate about number two. What is the best way for me to communicate it? You've got to sit down. How do I find tune I message? Not only who's GonNa listen but what is it and how do I convey it? And there's a lot of ways today you can convey whether it's in vignettes whether it's in video whether it's blogs one of the biggest ways in the smartest things I'd like to share with your audiences find someone else who has a big audience and try to get on with them. Try to talk about it with them and then try to right. People can get up every day when I'm on a subject as who might I ride? That might be interested in hearing from Paul about this subject. And just go out there and you would be surprised. I'm GonNa give you an example. I did this just two weeks ago. I saw little children's musical called. I think it was called Honk. I don't remember right now that I think is. I'm the Doha my notes. I think it was called Honk. I absolutely loved that way. Where do you see this up in a little elementary school in Marin County okay? No that's what I do on my Satter K. I go see children's musicals loud that it's the ugly duckling you know. It was a little nest of animals and one of them was born out of a the was like the rest. You know this right and music was out of this world. I loved it. One of the songs was about. I'm different so I thought this music was conveying the most beautiful music lyrics and so I said I hug the GAL that did this little. Show US around in her as A. Do you know who wrote the music as well as name so I ran looked him up from London. Honk won the award many years ago. Which is the same as our Tony Award and do you know what show it beat? Lion King? God. I am now blown away so I get on the Internet and I write the composer and guess what he wrote. Be Right back. And he's doing two shows in America right now and we're going to beat because I took the initiative so my point in all of this is you have the same Internet that I do. You have the same skills I do so I in the social media world. Try to really understand your audience who it is. You're reaching to try to perfect message so you know exactly what you're saying. And why and then third reach out to others with big audiences because you can be a big fish in a little plan but let's go be a big fish in a big pond by jumping another big fish. You know now I could go on and on and on and in my coaching people on this we lead them how to go from zero to ten thousand fifty thousand to two more with whatever it is. They're pitching you know there's a right way and then away. 'cause Google has all these things that they check on. It's it's how you phrase it how you do this. Many times you use this as the Oh Blah Bah and have experts around me at every one of those specialty things one of the companies that I work with has fourteen different divisions for every brand every subject. Instagram has its own group. Twitter has its own group and as a right weight and a wrong way to use every single one of those facebook youtube and we have these groups of specialists and they're all like twenty five years old. That are at work for this company while now so you can do it and take it one step at a time. And then when you start growing you'll start selling and then you've got money in capital. What our branding. Mistakes that people are making. I think the biggest is just putting out what you think works instead of what. Your audience is connecting with an Emmy not not be authentic or Lodo authentic in this day and age. Authentic is APPS. You're right authentic is absolutely a real but having been around the block a couple of times most people say Paul. You haven't been around the block you are the blog I would say you have to experiment a little bit. And then you see what takes off you know When you speak. I'm sure that used phrases. And then all of a sudden you get a feeling whatever. I say that the audience connects with it. You use it again and again and again so I think You know there are those of us that maybe can help. You anticipate what an audience will connect with. But whether it's a Broadway show or a brand. The key is what is the audience connecting with in what is changing lives what is mattering. And what is selling you know? I remember the group that do you remember the commercial. Where's beef is a hamburger famous hamburger commercial but a lot of your audience's younger and they may not even remember the. I think it's still reference to okay. Is that huge all right? This was a group that I was very familiar with doing this commercial and they wrote this commercial. They just had a line in there at the end. And then where's the beef? It why this little old lady that will try to find gas and that'll be how we ended in. It's just one of the many commercials that they had an in line. And then they found this gown and Clara Pallor. That was your ladies is look at us and two wires. The baby's right. I am sorry I shouldn't have the table. But she did it in a way that connected with an audience and built the whole brand from Burger King. So sometimes you get there by accident to discovery but again my biggest answer to your question is what is connecting with the audience. Ooh When you're selling a new shampoo you're selling a new product. How do you position it? And what do you say about it? Not just what chemicals that I'll give another example Rolls Royce was trying to think of. How are we convey what our brand represents and one of the copywriters in the Ad Agency of David? Ogilvy was reading their manual of do I hate to read product manuals but sometimes when you read a product manual. You'll find a little gem and he found that in the dashboard of a Rolls. Royce was o'clock and it was so quiet and he translated transcended just that thought into the loudest knows. You'll ever ear when driving. A Rolls Royce is the clicking of the clock in the dashboard. And that just said it runs smooth. This brand is beautiful at its luxurious. And the only thing. You're going to give it so. Quiet is the ticket of the clock and he found that in the eight product manual. You know so. I wish there was a simple answer to what you asked but I think we have to go back and forth with whatever it is. You're brandon whatever it is you're trying to sell and we really we throw it around Among ourselves and we figure it out lots of things you're saying right now I just listened to a podcast with Kevin. Hart is the best is talking about the process that he goes to you. You you you say development. The process that he goes through. I think maybe people assume that he just stands out there. An end ad libs a one hour a routine and that becomes a netflix special in in a movie deal and everything else and he talked about just the two year process that he goes through to the end up with a one hour gig that he's been going to make millions off of of just going to little tiny comedy stores and rewriting it and reworking it in the reaction from the audience. But you brought up earlier. It was fascinating to hear all of that. My joy is in the process. Ryan wants the curtain goes up on opening night. I'm much less. People need to enjoy the process so they just want the payday. They want the result but they don't focus on the effort they just want the result and you talked about that at like a happy accident remember. I interviewed a Robert Bada who is in icon in the beauty industry. Incredible hairdresser but he was also photographer too. So you would photograph his work in when the product line came out with a makeup line and he was trying to photograph that the lipstick and why it was so luxurious and so he's photograph in the model and he's putting more and more whatever. The liquid was to create the photo the liquid on the lips. All of a sudden there was so much liquid that it started to drip and so it was just like a big long and he captured that and that was the photo that they used to market. The lift line is that the lipping was so luxurious that the product was just so amazing but it was the accident. He said it was the accident but he but he is not like he meant to do that right and who knows how many other tries he had or other things that he had planned in his mind. This is exactly how it's GonNa work out but it it wasn't or the articulated again. This difference between decision in Discovery. Because we sit down and decide. This is what it should be. This is GonNa work and that we discover but really. That's where I think when. Volkswagen first came in to the country this little beetle bug car. That was ugly and it was made fun of All that kind of stuff and and the wonderful writers adulting burn back said they pictured the space shuttle and it was the lunar module was landing on the moon. And that was the picture and the caption was. It's ugly but it gets you there votes wagon and again they discovered that ugliness was a benefit if practical us at its good justify low price. Get you for May to be. Let's go and Volkswagen built a whole personality around that sort of it gets you there for me to be and you know so. I think everything is individual and but I will say you on the big word you have to be authentic in this day and age if you try to pretend or thank you can get over on the American public. It's not gonNA work. I find it. Interesting are cool that you on. Saturdays are going to elementary schools. Because that was one of the questions that I wanted to ask you. Were you finding your inspiration in your mentors. You can name some pretty Famous people that you had the chance to work with and others that you've never met them but you still steady them. I do so so where. Where are you finding your your inspiration? I think it's it's where you connect. It can be absolutely anywhere just before this interview. I went to a starbucks over here in. You wanted to make sure got early enough found where we were and all this stuff and I'm over here talking to a gentleman I said was what do you do. And he said I create the Christmas holiday designs for theme parks. And I said you mean like Disneyland I need like five others plus Disneyland. I said Holy Mackerel. Talk to me. Tell me what is that like and I just got so excited listening to him so I guess I'm a fan wherever I go on the airplanes at etcetera. But what happens with me is whatever that information is whether it's from a child. Asong commercial or a person it filters in to buy own consciousness in a way that I connect and say that's magic that work's gotTa build on that and it could come from anywhere. It's a child like your children are naturally curious. Yeah Debbie lose that curiosity which I believe in many ways is also when we lose our our passion. We lose our connectedness. We lose our desire to learn grow. We're know it alls I know. Twenty year olds. Who are not at all. I heard I know eight year olds. Who still have that curiosity W Johnson? A charming and attractive and I bet that guy at starbucks today was thrilled that you were so excited. No he was and he just sold his company. He's got millions of dollars and he's a happy camper but you know I think connected with other people in ways that touched their magic as well because we should all care about one. Another the political dysfunction and friction that is in our society. Today is very painful because I think at times. We need to celebrate our differences and not be afraid of them and not not just create this hateful atmosphere around our differences. So when I'm around different people I kind of enjoy it because I'm curious I'm in. I'm learning things that I'm not familiar with and I will ask a lot of questions. I find your friend Larry King. I sat with him. Sidney Sheldon a great writer one time at a charity event. And I say Larry King I mean you know so I said to him. What makes you different from everybody else? And he said I'm more curious than everybody else and I think he's interviewed that's right. People wanted to be interviewed by him because they knew he was curious. Angry human. Ask THEM THE QUESTION. He said to me was always prepared for his interview. He always had his guards at brought him and it never got past usually the second prepared question because once someone gave an answer he went with them and he went with his curiosity so called. Once the Larry King of the beauty industry and read that and called me and said you need to come over. So I can teach you how to be Larry Keane and that's exactly what he said to me. He said he said prepare for your interview. Looking right now appeared for this interview but look at how many notes I've been taking since you've been talking because you you'll say a word and I'll write that Word Down Ryan and that's Larry. Taught me as I ask a question. But don't assume that the answer they gave you the only answer that they have and that one answer there are four five words or other topics within that one. Answer that you can build upon what you mentioned. This will take me there now. Roy and yet you said you made reference to this person. How did you meet that person? Immediate is all kinds of different places that you can go which just blog it example this weekend last weekend. Aladdin came out the movie and it went inside and I love the song. It's a whole new world. I've heard it many many times but I went home the other morning and I said I just WanNa gear fourteen or fifteen different people sing. It's a whole new world. Listen to listen to him and are listening in about the twelfth time someone else saying something hit me. And I'm going to reveal something to you. Go back to the robots musical all of a sudden I discovered on my own at four thirty or five in the morning. We're we're fellow early risers if we can figure out this connection between man and machine of the future robotics if we can figure out how to be compatible with what robots bring to the table and what we bring to the table. It's a whole new world. I called the writer at seven. Am in the morning. You got him out of bed. The writer of that song no the writer of the show robots that got him. I said you gotTA listen to. It's a whole new world and think of this when you listen to it. I said now we're going to go out and have another composer another lyric and but we have introduced mankind to a whole new world if we get this right. And that's the purpose of the musical is to say there is a whole new world of we can figure that rather than fear it that's right and he got so excited so you know to your question as go back to your question. Where do you get your inspiration? It comes from everywhere you know. Be Alert but you'll know in your heart the magic when you have a couple of questions about that because it's so easy to be critic and I think when you're being a critic you're not really curious you don't really care what people have to say or what they've been through. I think you could left a loudon thinking that was sucked here. Who are remember who it was the mentor of mine. Maybe Marianne Williamson when somebody saw a Broadway show in what you think this. I didn't like that. And she's like well. You know when you produce your rodway remember such a big and I just. I think that that's unattractive in and I think that does kill curiosity. Weather's two things. I'd like to respond to that one. I often think the person that's the critic is trying to get attention and somewhere in their childhood or the way they get attention is being annoying. The way they get attention is pointing out something. Nobody else saw. Some flaw I'm a warrior basketball fan because I live in northern California and I've sat with people watching the Warrior Game Su. Start Criticizing Steph curry or K. D. or the codes or this or that. I'm good. This is the greatest basketball team in the last five years. Or maybe in the history of the franchise. Why are you criticizing them? I mean you have the right to but what is it about their tremendous competitive play that on this particular night. You feel is worthy of your loud criticism. So I usually feel that it's someone inexperienced at what they're criticizing a you know a lot of critics in the entertainment business which they were up there. I really do. And they're not up. There used to be an official in the NC double a basketball world and I hated officiating with someone that wasn't a former player because they had it in for players they would throw technical fouls and short officials were the worst because they were resentful. That the other guys were six but seven now so I think I really believe that if you're inexperience and you haven't been through the drill. You have less appreciation and you throw these bombs out critical bombs not knowing how hurtful they are or is just because I have the right to in. The power of the PEN can stand behind. I can hide behind my social media and nobody really knows who I am right right and so I just think remember that. Most of the people in social media are the extremists. They really are. And there's a lot of us that just have to you have to learn to dismiss because I'm GonNa say it again. Don't let them define you your people around you your activity day-to-day defines you. Can you tell that I learned a lot from my daughter because I keep on quoting her? She's amazing what she said the other day because she was talking about some little girls that were saying things about her and she said to me why she said just because they're saying it daddy doesn't mean it's true there like she got it. Wow but I'd like a t shirt that says that just because you're saying these things doesn't mean they're I so gotten used to. I'm single and I don't have a lot of our relationship or a family or things that I need to pay attention to pay attention to these things. We're we're talking about today. I mean my career is my lover my profession is is where I get turned on you know and so that makes me a little different than others in that I have more freedom but I have to tell you when I do get turned on when I do feel. I discovered the magic. I really go for it and I a no one can tell me not to wish upon that star at that moment. You know we're going to journey and one of the things I like to say is when you really believe in something. Getting from the launch pad into the next orbit is the toughest. Because there's so much resistance to what you're trying to accomplish. Your mother may resist. Your finances may resist all these resistors. And then finally you get to that orbit and it's so much nicer isn't a visitor drew when it's pouring down raining and you get in an airport and you take off in. Tim minutes later. You're above the clouds and is just beautiful. Well I can tell you. Some people never get above the clouds with their ideas or with their brandy or with whatever and they just sit there and get so frustrated. 'cause they stay in the fog and I think one you've got to be present. You've got to be clear headed. You've gotta be rested. You gotTa care if you're really going to be a leader because I think paying attention is the middle name of when Claybon you pay attention to details you pay attention to. Who is you know operating properly. You pay attention to execution and those who have that leadership skill. Nowhere to pay attention. You know what I don't like is someone that pays attention to all the weeds minutia and drives me nuts with things that aren't important to me but they WANNA get noticed. Did you know Paul Bobby? Said Noah didn't know didn't care but why are you telling me this and they can answer that question? So how much of this comes naturally to you? How much of this do you still have to remind yourself of Told the story of coming out as a child in your rainbow also you. You had the imagination in the data curiosity way back then. What can I steal a little thought from Tim Story? He says as children we have a shout. And then you get older and you lose your shout and I think that's a very precious description of when you're young you had this unabashed authenticity. I'm a lion tomorrow. I would get a peach lug box for the backyard. I'd sit down and pretend I was playing piano. You know and so that that imagination that was in me there are other things that are in you and you and you out there. That as a child we're already there and I think that little quiet voice is in you and I think there's some people that believe that God places in you even as a child that mission that journey that you're supposed to be on and then you start discovering these breadcrumbs that are as I say leading to a bakery. It's your bakery. An I think every one of us have an initiative a shout a talent a gift of passion that we need to find and follow. And if you don't you're probably miserable because you're not in a situation that's feeding what it is you were meant to be and become and so. I do believe it's in everyone and I think you know I'd like to suggest to many who have kind of dismissed this to reboot take two steps back. Let's revisit Sir Great Shout that you once had what you cared about. I'm lucky to see that on occasion because we signed up for my school. I'll get second third career people where what they arrived. Red Rock twenties was not what they wanted to drive as what was expected of them they pursued something. That was GONNA pay the bills or it was GonNa make mom and dad happy or it was gonNA make them responsible human being but it really. Wasn't there shout. It wasn't their passion and now they're coming back say well my kids are gone. I've hated my life from nine to five for the last five years or thirty years. And now I get to finally pursue I love to do but the ultimate end of. Let me add to your sentence and build on a little bit finding the passion and then finding out how I can use the skills I've learned in live to contribute an insert my understanding of this passion. Other people's lives is really the story here. You both personally and commercially. Because you know for instance I wanNA make money in show business but I really am concerned about people that are afraid of robots and afraid of that so I mean I want to contribute to that. I want to contribute to global warming with the musical. I'm working on a musical about the story of John. Muir and it's really how he convinced Teddy Roosevelt to to isolate the national parks and make them part of what is preserved so in my case. It's my skills and show Biz and entertainment and musicals that I'm going to exercise my passion but in doing so hopefully I'm gonNA affect other people's lives in have an impact. See that's the message. It has whatever we're doing it has to has to be in service of others. It has to be contributing Brian. Because we're all consuming. We consume air. We consume water. We consume trees. We consume energy. We consume all kinds of things. And we're all running around contribute and I think rather than considering being different is something weird it means. You're you're an original and you find that originality in you because you're so special if you're finding that original shout. I love that term. I just think it's a greater cause. You just want to shout out who you are. You know let's get in again into lifestyles and gave people and transgender people and soldiers and whoever you want to become you know shouted out. Because that's who you are as Americans. Hopefully we embraced the right to shout and yet I think today the cable news networks etc are trying to intimidate the shout then one of the things that hurts me the most is we have professional shouters now to the little scripts and they've got this in their Polish and they come on screaming their little points. They're not authentic there. Pretend you know but when you meet and I know you've got some fantastic people in your life that I've met who were authentic in. What is that young? Man's name? That Sindhu purifying water seth Maxwell. Oh Seth Maxwell he is awesome you know and and Eden Sassoon and those that are around him day cares so much about that and they have such energy so I I think once you find your shout you find inspiration and energy to go out and Chow Chow Chow Chow. Shout be prepared for the resistors. Be Prepared for those that are GonNa try to quieten your shout and giving you all the reasons. You shouldn't be shouting. This is amazing. How long we've been going very longtime will you? Can Edit it down well. What yesterday ten minutes five days? Just sit back everybody in the be prepared to listen you talk about to wrap the Savvy. Talk about that what you believe matters. And maybe incorporate that into a final message for our listeners. Because I love that what you believe matters. I think it matters because I believe what we believe was put in us by God and therefore God shows your vessel your body and your surroundings to care about something that matters to you so whatever that shout that message. That topic is is perfectly packaged in you and I don't think God intended you to fail. And he didn't intend for that topic to fail so he put it in you. And he's putting surroundings around as putting you listening to this podcast to re-inspire and reboot whatever needs to get your passion back on track because it matters. I will add nothing to thanks Paul. You're welcome. I'm glad W here so much. I guess I say this on rare occasions that I wish masters world video so that people could see if they could just watch you animated you are and I love to pleasure to sit across from you. Thank you very much. Well listen to all of you out there keep listening. There's a lot of people that can share a lot of things that matter.

Paul Google Tim Story Paul Lambert Tony Awards New York Lady Gaga Betty White Sean aretha Franklin US Chicago Billie Jean King Oprah Marin county ESPN Sean Acre Modesto
Innovative Solutions For A Happy, Healthy, Connected Workplace | Nick Gianoulis

The LEADx Show

53:50 min | 1 year ago

Innovative Solutions For A Happy, Healthy, Connected Workplace | Nick Gianoulis

"Would you like to accelerate your career and reach your full potential ingest minutes a day. Welcome to the lead X. Show with New York Times Times bestselling author and eat five hundred Entrepreneur Kevin crews. Hey Guys Kevin crews here. Welcome to the lead X. Leadership. Show where we help you to stand out and to get ahead at work now as you know. We like to switch things up here. Keep it interesting and continue that tradition and today on the podcast instead of me interviewing an expert guest. We're going to have the guest deep dive into their topic. You see you'll be hearing audio audio from a lead X. Webinar now of course there are dozens of great webinars on Leadership Management Communication Productivity and more all archived lived in the lead X. APP just visit lead x Dot. Org for more information about our Webinar archive so enough on the setup enough background on information here is venue mathis to introduce our guest and hand it over to them. Enjoy hello and welcome to this lead X. Webinar. I'm Vanya your your co host and lead X. Where we offer free world class training to anyone anytime from anywhere you can watch a free course every day at least x dot org so make sure to check it out. Oh I'm so excited to bring you our Special Guests Nick generalists godfather of fun and founder of the Fun Department Nick has been featured on CNN BBC News Tech's end has recently joined forces with delivering happiness and today's Webinar Nick is going to show you why fund matters for employees customers emmers end the bottom line. Have Fun can be used to bridge the generational gap between boomers and millennials a proven process to successfully implement in the workplace with measurable and Sustainable Results and he's going to be taking questions as well for at the end of the session. Let's get started. Please welcome neck awesome. Thanks so much for having me good to be with everybody today. Greetings from outside of Philadelphia Wilmington Delaware so it's starting to be springtime here and I hope everybody's enjoying a nice spring so here to talk about my favorite subject in the world which is fun as a competitive advantage manage and share what we've learned over more than a decade of delivering more fun than the workplace than anybody in the world so anxious to get started so you can see our mission statement. They're innovative solutions for a half. Your healthier more connected workplace oddly enough fun is not in the title. We just changed that recently. Because what we have learned is that fun is the driver for a lot of other very great outcomes but it's not just about fun. It's a little more than that so you'll you'll. You'll learn that today so let's Let's get ready to roll so a couple of objectives today if there's three things that I hope you get as takeaways today they are demystifying redefined fun in the workplace so a lot of people have perceptions about what funding the workplaces some of you may have been traumatized by creepy team building stuff. It's not that it's really really not so. I think you'll be surprised and pleased that there's there's alternatives to that and establish fun as a process. Ask Not an event and that was one of my moments years ago when I was doing this in the workplace. We'll we'll talk a little bit about that. that God wouldn't it be better if you took those euphoric but fleeting feelings that you get from an event once or twice a year and break those up consistently throughout the course of the year wouldn't that yield better revette better results and in fact it did and that's that's how we really got started with this model and then finally teach you how to easy effective affordable programming again. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised tries so let's get into it so the agenda terms you will not recognize that's because we made them up. The first is easy. We're going to talk a little bit about the evolution of fun the work place the why and the Roi So so why is fun your competitive advantage thankfully. There's a lot of people out there today. A lot of brilliant mind Sean Acre Simon Sinek Tony Shay others who have done a lot of the the research and have the experience about the Y. Fund and we're going to talk about that it. It's usually frames frames up a conversation about the health too but know that our expertise really GonNa talk about today is how to successfully implement fund or place place so after we do the the the evolution of wine or why the laws of fun in these are the things that we learned over the course of a more than a decade of delivering of funding workplace in every conceivable vertical market that you could imagine any is companies doesn't matter these laws or universal truth. I WANNA call them our our standard within any application and then the shared experience agreeance and this is where the model really gets different. We talk about what's fun for you. Your culture your environment not inflicted fun on on you as some people may have experienced in the past and then how to develop your creative inventory. This is literally how to put it together and create brief but organic in fun activities in the workplace that really will get you moving on your way to establishing a culture of funded happiness at work and then finally finely design activate and sustain so you know it's all words and talk unless you actually make the commitment to do it and put it on the calendar even make it happen so that's the agenda. Let's let's get started so the first peers the Lucien end of the why are are alive fun at work. I'm going to spend a little bit of time just credentialing if you will so what makes us the experts and you know why is this information meaningful and what I want you to take away in this piece of it is that this is all based on practice and experience right so it's not a theoretical this is based on practice and experience it all started many many years ago at a company. United Electric Supply or there for many years and they had a work hard play hard ethic act before culture was even a term that was used in business but work hard play hard ethic ethic and I just naturally gravitated towards the play hard. I already knew how to work hard so but my my hunters suspicion was that that was was this companies competitive advantage that play and fun. I'm led to all these wonderful results. This company had on high productivity high retention high profitability on paper. They shouldn't have even been in business because there's a lot bigger competitors that could take them out from a pricing standpoint but wonderful customer service great place still is today but we formed the circuit club and many of you may be on on committees at at work trying to fund plan fun activities in the workplace or engagement committees culture committees so we had the circuit club we met every two weeks ten people and we learned a lot through that process but I started to see that it wasn't just appropriate to have fun after work work while we did those events in Annual Holiday Party and summer picnic as many of you made may still do what I noticed over the period of years as they became Louis and less popular as people's demands for the personal time just became more and more evidence. There was less attendance at at those events so I thought Jeez. Let's plan things brief but consistently throughout the course of the year and we did in that model really seemed to work so my fascination continued. You'd I started to research fun workplace and this guy came up so if anybody can guess who that is and you can type it in Dan. I'll give you send you two dollar bill or a book or something. I don't know but that is Dr Paul McGee and he's one of the foremost authorities is on fun and humor laughter and very well published and just really awesome guide. He happened to live in my home town or when house research in it. I thought what the heck this guy's from my neighborhood so we met and you know he he really thought that this theory theory I had about starting a company called the fun department to to change the model of of traditional team building you know was was a good one but he he said be prepared for a long haul. there's a lot of nonbelievers out there and then before. I got started. I thought wow jeeze. Maybe I should get some professional help. Somebody who really cleaners deliver fun so I got this guy so Dave Raymond is the guy who who created the best mascot of all all time he lived as the philly fanatic for many many years and it was a friend of mine and I thought Jeeze if anybody knows how to have fun at stave so God together with Dave and and we created this this company fun department back in five did this team building events for many many years until today and we still do lots of team building events and then wrote a book documented or process. We wanted to teach people this model in process that you're GONNA learn today so we started a training consulting part of the business and then we got out into the product business in two thousand seventeen actually shipping subscription a services as of boxes of fun and then finally in very proud to be partners with delivering happiness twenty eighteen we started a partnership with the age age and if anybody knows that company born out of Tony Shays experience with ZAPPA's starting a company based on culture the happiness and fun and taking a very tradition no boring business online shoes and making it mega successful so one of many examples of companies today that are disruptors in the marketplace that are starting with culture starting with happiness happiness and fun and and building a company from there so much like the experience at United Electric where nothing fancy or glamorous about electric electrical supplies allies but they had this amazing culture that was based on funded happiness at work so that's enough credentialing sorry if it seemed like a commercial just wanted to give you a little history and background and and why you know why it's important to recognize that this again is based on practice and experience so the more data and we're going to again talk about the how to but I I want to cover the why because most conversations about funded happiness happiness at work. Somebody's gotTa be convinced. It's leader you know. CEO CFO somebody's gotta say Jeez. Why do we WANNA do this. What makes it important so this. Is You just one statistic and it's one of my favorites because it says eighty one percent of employees not this is not from leaders. It's not for management. eighty-one birth sign of employees in companies denoted as great in fortunes one hundred best companies to work for say they work in a fun workplace. Environment Arment so that's significant because from an employee standpoint fun has the highest correlation of any other thing that makes up a the culture and what people think denotes a great company so it's important to know that from your employees perspective that fun ranks very vary hi it's sixty to seventy percent correlation to a great company so important to notice if you're GONNA start with culture why not start with you know with fun and the other part that I really like about this statistic is bad. It's talking about the best companies to work for so I always make aac the qualification right upfront. That fun will not make a good or bad company good or great. It's it's almost insulting. If you're not already a good company can be your competitive advantage for sure but it won't make a bad company good so I love our business because we get to really work with the best in class companies you think about the top companies in your geographic area large large small any vertical market those best in class companies usually embrace this culture of fun and happiness and more and more companies are or doing this all the time so it's awesome that we do get to work with some really top top notch companies so a little you know some more data that again it's overwhelming. I see an article come out just about every week. Now that speaks to the value funded happiness at work so this this is not a trend we call the movement some people refer to it as a revolution were placed revolution but it is it is happening for sure so any one of these statistics can be a strong argument for trying fun and happiness at work right so thirty one percent more productivity tippety higher retention just recently met with a company who had a twenty one percent turnover ratio which is really the high right so if you're in the single digits. You're you know you're you know it's manageable but if you're in the double digits plus that's a really expensive offensive way to operate a business in something is inherently wrong. so again companies that employ these principles else have forty four percent higher retention rates than their competitors more higher increase in sales usually due to optional channel customer service so if you're ZAPPA's customer you understand that the value of customer service in a while experience I actually look forward forward to something going wrong or having some kind of mistake because the you know the outcome of the correction is so much fun so in in any case from these companies outperform in in sales less burn out so we work a lot in hospitals or high stress environment. I which is really really typical. Some Fun in humor and happiness goes a long way to reduce stress three hundred percent more innovation so oftentimes when you're getting together as a group starting with some fun can really just excite the senses for of Creativity Radian innovation and a lot of very creative companies have a culture of fun and happiness and while we track a lot of our own data and what you to be aware that these are statistics that are from you know the giants in the industry is the Gallup's the price waterhouse coopers our Business Review Forbes Forbes and if you can say Greenberg and Arca Wocka ten times fast I'll send you a book so just some cool statistics and as ZIP. This isn't enough Oh my God millennials are coming. You know so you know. You've heard this probably too much. It's a in you know all the buzz in the in the workplace but know that today already we've crossed the fifty percent mark where over fifty percent of of the workplace consist of Lineal Population and by twenty twenty five over seventy five percent of the workforce so what's unique about about about the millennial population is that they are making conscious decisions to choose workplace culture and environment over traditional paying benefits and that really is significant right that they are choosing to companies and then don't even care what the services services or the products are. It's more about than environment that has sense of purpose a sense of community of Flexibility Fund and collaboration recognition all things that this population is is known for an oh by the way so are are we right as an old dude. I like all those things too right there. Just the first generation that's really demanded and is willing to sacrifice pay to get in a healthy environment so that's significant and it is changing. It's driving a lot of this behavior and then the other thing to note. That's important about is that even the ones that are working are looking for another opportunity so it's all the more important to recognize them. Give them sense of purpose kind of feed their their once a needs just to keep them on board but it's it's a relatively transient work workforce so just some trends two you and again. I don't want to Belabor the why part if you're not already convinced that that fun and happiness by the statistics is good for your business. Now's probably a good time to just check out but if if you're intrigued and you think Oh yeah we're GONNA learn how to bear air with me because that's what we're we're gonNA get into now. So some workplace trends that are worth noting over the course of the last couple of decades. You know work. Ethic has shift to workplace culture employee. Engagement is really about the employee experience today. It's more than engagement scores. Ores Gallup or whoever else is measuring. It's more about the total experience and you're seeing a lot of the astride high forgot from a hierarchical leadership hip and structure to flat organizations and leaders who are serving and serving with emotional intelligence considering the the whole employee and and wellness to wellbeing again not just focusing on health and wellness but on well being in psychological mental spiritual so the the whole individual comes to work and shows up every day and we need to be as leaders. There's conscious of that things that happened outside of work definitely impact work and then silos and technology silos certainly not a unfamiliar term lot of companies are silos by departments or divisions but technology has has also silo dos and there's a lot of data out now that's showing the signs of being detached right so you've he's seen it a hundred times where there's people walking down the street and everybody's on a phone or they're sitting next to one another in in in workplaces bases and they're you know texting instead of communicating so a big factor that is contributing to the need for connection and collaboration. Actually I think the next major trend in workplace is going to be this connected workplace. How do we get people physically back together. Gather talking to one another not just technology so a couple of trends two to keep in mind as we as we start to get into this so it's hard to talk about the new model of team building if you will and I am going to come up with another term for that one of these days but just to frame it and understand what the new model is. You have to understand the old model so let's take a look at the old model. I Trust your co workers. Yes you do so just relax and let go okay. What are we learn there. Anybody is there such a thing as personal space. No there isn't because we are all molecules in the same organism airlines Flight Chicago Rebecca your move got power because she thought diagonally to feel like some of you don't respect me because because because of the hat out two seats so so I think American Airlines for that video every day it really does help people get a frame up what that traditional model which I feel is a little bit creepy and weird but if you had to do a trust falls or rope courses or any of that stuff I can assure you. That's not what we're going to be talking about today. We're GONNA look at a new model so that traditional model. If you've been traumatized by that some point in your life you will be pleased to know that we really redefined minded from this long characterized by long boring expensive forced a one time event which doesn't work too brief engaging. If if you're GONNA do something brief fifteen thirty minutes making engaging no need for heavy messaging or debriefing vary cost effective some of the things we're GonNa talk about today. You know well under a hundred dollars per activity. You were event these small things that you can do in the workplace and then instead of force family family funding again. This major part of our model that is is different that I think you'll find refreshing is that it's a shared experience Let's determine what's it's fun for us and individual and then collectively as a group as a department as a company we can extract all that data and then build things around after share experience so and then instead of a one time event an annual holiday party or summer picnic were one of those big events in the early. This should be organic and sustainable most of the companies that do this really well. Fun is one of their core values. It's actually built built into the DNA of their company so that takes time. If you're going to start at don't expect it to happen in thirty days. Take some take some time but that's Nirvana and I'm kind of where you WANNA be in these really self actualized high functioning companies have that as part of their part of their model so sorry so so laws of fun. Let's talk about sorry here. We go got clicker. Happy there so let's talk about these laws of fun so again. These are things that we learned over the course of over a decade delivering fun every day of the week seven times a day in this brief but consistent way so leadership by number one I mean we won't even engage with a company where leaders are not bought in extremely important. It sets you of for success. We call it permission to play. We're one hundred percent successful where leaders you bought in and were about fifty to sixty percent successful successful where it's being driven from the bottom up. We'll talk more about that the three CS consistency on company time and compliant with your culture and then finally refund for all the senses not as important as the as three seasons leadership by but it's still important to to to recognize so in a little more detail detail what happens if leaders are not bought in kind of looks like that you know well you know. I'm too busy entertainment minions. I'm on my phone Blah Blah. You know that really doesn't work doc so we really encourage leaders to participate not just a fun to happen but to be a part of it and it really is is very humanizing. What's it like when leaders are bought in. That's a little dramatic but it looks Kinda like that. So Fun doesn't always look like that's a good picture and the guy in the white shirt happens to be a leader who started his company the same time we did any base it on Culture Fund Unhappiness Penis wildly successful company took traditional workspace made it collaborative cool one of the very pioneers in that industry. If you're familiar familiar with we work in many of you would be we worker or similar type atmosphere today but he was one of the Pioneers and built a company around fund happiness very successful so then the three CS are prescription if you will if we had to write a prescription for accompany as a place to get started is monthly regularly occurring once a month for fifteen to thirty minutes as what we would recommend were fun in the workplace and then if you do a really good job with pregame postgame. We'll talk more about that kind of announcing being something that's going to happen or building up a little smack talk about it and then certainly post game afterwards was pictures videos and trophies or whatever then and you're going to maximize the experience about fifteen to thirty minutes and our data says that after doing that for like nine months Munster to twelve months employees start to shift the perspective of fun happening not just once a quarter or once a month but they see fun they start to report. That fund is happening every week or every day. What in fact it's only happening once a month for fifteen to thirty minutes in a formal you know setting if you will right where fun is some activity were whether engage in fun activity so pre and post game really important and then on company time time we used to say only on company time but we break our own rules right. We have fun with each other after work too because we like hanging out and we're friends however where where possible on company time after be respectful people's you know life and after outside of work and again thirty minutes or less us and then compliant this culture policy fit is really important. We don't want anybody getting fired over fun at work. So whatever is appropriate appropriate for your culture and your environment is worth paying attention to guys on cultural policy fit really important and this is my probably my it favorite which is an all inclusive and non threatening so when we build fun out for any customer whether it's going to be a training or whether we're physically delivering fun or creating a box of fun we we follow the same laws of fun and one of the big ones is it's gotta be all inclusive in awe threatening and with does that mean it means that everyone can participate at the level or comfortable with so. We're not GonNa ever make refunded anybody. We're not gonNA. Put anybody on the spot. We allow people to self select the role that they wanNA play and if that role is to be an observer that's totally fine at super goal so it's really important and that's how we get one hundred percent participation and and you certainly can too so important of these laws of fun or universal truths. I should call him are hold true in every every case and then finally fund for all the senses so the environment should look good sound good smell good taste. Good feel good and look doc. Is You know when it should be you know if you're going to take a break for some fun and if you're in a cube farm or you know kind of a not so pleasant is an environment you know go to the Atrium or take a walk outside or do something that is you know little outside of your space and and you know the look of a place could make a big difference in set you up again for success sound really important. That's really music so every time we do any kind of delivery. We always have have music have good playlists. I I have a good friend who does not an an annual holiday party every year for friends and he could never get a great turnout and I would have a party and it'd be Iraq and turn out. I'd put much less effort into my parties but always had a good place. Now I bring the playlist his party's and they're way more fun way more fun so it's important so think about that smell. That's why they put cookies up there. You can Bri people to come to an activity or event. you know with something simple like you know. Food is always always a winner and it tastes again. It doesn't have to be fancy food or anything but if if you are gonNA serve food and it's not necessarily not necessarily to serve food for any activity that you're going to do but you know obviously should taste good and feel good is not feeling your co workers. Workers Trust me. We're very. Hr complied and sensitive feel-good just means pay attention. If you're GonNa do something outdoors you wouldn't WanNa do it. If you live in our right part of the country in Philadelphia you wouldn't want to do it in July or August where it's sweltering hot maybe do that. Activity plan clan out one for the spring the fall so fun for all the senses is important stuff to to pay attention to so learned about the evolution the wind the Roi. We talked about the loss of fund. We're flying through this but we're going to get through the shared experience earns which again is kind of the cornerstone of this new model and so I put this diagram up here because I'd sent one of our a really bright coworkers on an experiment years ago when I say go find me universal fun and he came back and said starred dude. There's no such thing as universal fun fun is an individual experience but I figured out a way to tight altogether and he showed me this right. These three rings with an excellent like really dude is that all you got for me and he said that's the shared experience and if anybody knows with that diagram as its van diagram and it really does does illustrate the way this works so we can doesn't matter whether it's to people are two thousand this experiment if you will works all the time imagine that those three circles are three individuals of people that you work with we guarantee in every case we can find X. Wchs the thing that is the common shared experience again. It works every time imagine there's three hundred circles. Most people say oh my God it gets. It's really complicated. There's more opportunities for fun right so it this again. Experiment works every time in workshop. We'll spend an hour half half just on this part alone but you know we can collect all the data come back with you know somebody's shared experience company as department whatever it might be so really important and it's again replicable every time we use this example in extreme one but just illustrate illustrate the point we were in a larger university setting one time doing this Keno exercise and we did the shared experience and a couple public college students. We brought him up in their frat brothers and pick cliffs diving as their shared experience. I thought wow that's going to be a tough one on you know not. Everybody's GonNa be in for that but this is what naturally happens all the time. I asked how many people are into cliff. Diving about thirty per senator hands went up including mine but within seconds you know people set al bring the music. I'll do the food photographs right so this event never happened happen but I just want to give you the example of how it can work. No matter what the subject is people will find a way to participate if if you invite them to and you ask that what's fun at right so really really important and again come just illustrates the value of shared experience so what are some of the benefits number one it sets you up for success so much different than Johnny Johny Team Building Company coming in and saying hey pick the five things that I say are going to be fun for new here. They are trust falls. Wrote Challenges Blah Blah Blah you automatically eliminate fifty percent at least of the population by by doing that right so if you do the shared experience. Can you just ask people what they're what's fun for them and then collectively we can show them that data of what's fun for your whole. Oh group it set you up for success and that's how we get one hundred percent participation amid humanizes leadership right and I mentioned mentioned before super important. We want leaders to be involved where ever they're participating than people just. I flat and general organizational chart and leaders are just like everybody else right. They're human beings and they all have AIDS and and they like to have fun at Director Director Focus so we know that outdoor activities happened to be one of the many shared experiences that we glean out of this of this data for a company then. Let's do some outdoor activities again. Make Brief fifteen to thirty minutes. It's but you can focus on certain areas that again. We'll set you up for success. I mentioned one hundred percent participation by allowing allowing people to participate at the level that they're comfortable with and this is really important. The shared experiences are the most memorable so I love reading. If you asked me to make my list and I do it often you know. What are the things that are fun for me? Reading always hits the list but it's not my most memorable title. If you think about the things that you really remember it's the things that you're doing with your family. Your friends your loved ones your co workers. You know there are the things that you do together so really powerful that that shared experiences are the most memorable and then I love this when no more force family family fun you know no more somebody telling you what is going to be fun for you because that just doesn't work and as a something that a lot of people can relate to you. Is The boss telling them. What's fun for them? So if you've ever had that experience I love golf. I'm the boss therefore we're all gonna go play golf. I have to delight golf myself but I know that that will eliminate at least fifty percent of my employee population so we can find ways to play played golf in the shared experience to modify that game so that everybody could participate at a level. They're comfortable with but it's not going to be on a golf course and we can talk more about about that so we're flying through. We're getting into the kind of the heart of it and hoping your steam the flow of how this works so you know it's important to know why the Roi and then these laws of fund which are the Universal Truth Fund that leadership by the three Cs and fun fun for all the senses and then the shared Experience Star with what's fun for you and then building that out into what's fun for your your group. Your Department and recognizing that Fund Looks Different From Department to Department and we find this often the case that it's probably GonNa look a little bit different in in engineering that it wouldn't sales marketing and that is okay. That's totally falling. You'll also find that if you're a multi location a business that you were one branch one division is going to have another idea of fun than than the other one would or that common experience of Oh headquarters gets all the fun you know they. They have all the good times and we don't even like they're the things they do for all right so allow it to be specific to each culture each branch division. were department and so we're. GonNa talk about developing this creative into arena again. This is usually in a couple of our formats but were we're. GonNa go through rather quickly here. There's four pillars that make up every activity every program that we develop were you would develop a based based on this model so the first one is forms when and where the fun happens so if you go through this exercise and you say gee what are the opportunities for fun within my organization might be meetings. It might be outdoors. It might be on the car road to work. There's all kinds of forums wearing wears we I identify the those then we look at the themes needs can be value-based that can be core values so it could be maybe it's innovation or collaboration or could just be occasions. Most people are familiar with you know holiday themed type type of fun activities work. Whether it's you know Halloween or for Cinco de Maya whatever it might be but they're very common rake down if you would holiday insights dot com and that's one of many okay websites that will show you a theme or holiday for any day of the year so it's a good place to start at you ever get stuck in this process. You WanNa come up with a cool theme for something. look on their national. Your national pet day national smile day. There's a host of those themes that that you can look at and then activities so we based those on what is fun for you so once we do that shared experience actively so what's fun for you when we can start to build out these these programs and then the pre game and post games. I mentioned earlier so and again you take this shared experiences apply to laws of fun and then build out this fund programming so what's it look like back when it comes altogether and I'm going to show you kind of build out example and if you can notice at the top those those is black headers forums themes activities and follow up which we just showed you the four pillars this is one company is example. Okay Guy and you can see. They listed a number of different things in in their their workshop. They actually build out twelfth things you know for a year Ah Funding Workshop with was just one that came to them and so the highlight parts they wanted to do something around community event. They wanted to be around food. I don't know where I forget where the food dude came from just work with us here. That's what they came up with and pie the press so they wanted to have this event this fundraising event and they were trying to figure out a way to get participation going in raise more money and photo picks the follow up so this event took less than fifteen minutes a very high energy and that photograph one of many taken that day still circulates out organization and they they've gotten so so much mileage out of that they also raised they do this event. Every year this community event they had a forty percent increase in the amount of Asia contributions and participation in the event and that's also a great example of leadership. I N that happens to be the boss taken a pie in the face. I don't say recommend that you necessarily do that but he did and you know wildly successful and just a good example of something that they all agreed was going to be fun for them and leadership pie again doing extreme. Here's another one I'll just show you briefly that was based on a safety train so this is a company Syntax who was a safety supply company and they do a a lot of safety trainings. Osha trainings which can be really challenging extremely boring. I should say so they wanted to make I think that you know a little more fun on. They picked their forum their theme their activity and the follow up and they came up with their version of pen paper shredder rock paper scissors. They called goggles gloves in hard. Outs are the three things protection devices. The people had to remember and so this was an an activity that went over really well in the workshop. They started to do it locally. They did it regionally analogy do it nationally in in all their other workshops just a quick and easy way of communicating a message that would otherwise be be boring and probably disciplinary sorry but if you make it a game and make it fun people will remember and and and we'll we'll so again pretty pretty cool a couple of examples so we're getting ready to land the plane. We're coming up here on forty. Five minutes and you know we've gone through the you know the agenda rather quickly. I know it's a lot of information a short period of time but I wanted to show you that. This is actually a process and one that you can easily easily do and a hoop. You found it to be refreshing at a little bit different than what you might have imagined I love. This is quote I just think it's a very very Britain also love Dr Seuss. It's good to have fun but you have to know how and this is a great blueprint. Blueprints were model to follow to develop a fun in the workplace for sustainable business results so we started talking at at the beginning about fund is a competitive advantage. I'm going to wrap it all back up and tell you that there is no question that fun is a component of have a great culture and can produce some really amazing business results while also just having a just a great effect on on people. Hello everybody wants to have it. You just have to know how so I will open it up for questions and thank you for participating along breath. Thanks that was fantastic. I do have a question here from Anna. It's a great idea to implement fun but an and would seem easier to introduce it in a startup but how can we convince management introduce it in a company. That's been around for decades or very conservative here. Great question that comes comes up all the time and so it really is by looking at the ROI leaders want to be convinced that there is something in it for them and so when you look at the data that's why I presented that I because all times were approached by employees who WanNa have fun at work but they have some convincing to do so we spend a great deal time with leadership and if they're not bought in again it's not worth pursuing so so it's essential we have a ton of data white papers and so forth that we share with people so happy to do that if they need some convincing yeah yeah and got one here for Michelina things for the Webinar. How do you convince the manager. How important ED's again. I think the you know the leadership does have to see that benefit of what it's going to be. You know for them. What what does Fun. How does it helped help them and you know that that data is is is really important. Anybody who you know the reason tation will make available for people you know certainly they can share that but but there has to be a champion somebody who was going to champion fund within the workplace and oftentimes leaders think Oh. I have to create a whole nother Komo Department or division or hire somebody to do this. That's not the case so there are plenty of people. I like to donkey in Shrek. You know the pick me pick me. Pick me. You know like you ask somebody who wants to be involved in the fun activities. There's plenty of people that will raise their hand and if somebody's their champion as and follows this process it will be super easy. You don't need ten people on a committee. It could be one or two people even within a big company to get this. Get this rolling next question. Here is from ARPITA and if anyone has questions please submit that now she's asking nowadays many companies allow flexibility of working from home does the team members are virtual Texas California. How can we infuse a fun in such remote companies yeah yeah so again a great question and very common today so I'm we do virtual phone. We do videos and while it's it's less than ideal because if they're people that are just you know so low working you know at home it's still ties them into the rest of the organization and it allows thousands to participate in a companywide fun activity. Most of these are five to ten minutes. There may be Trivia based but we do them for big companies capital one big bank all over the country. We do a series of those every year and some of them are challenges. Were were asking them to engage with other employees to come up with something and then you know we tabulate all the results in their prize kind at the at the end but that's where we will use technology to connect people but our goal is always bring people together so that's one way of doing it. The box of fun is another way where we ship fits in multiple locations and they have competitions amongst competition of the various branches of who finished first for best picture or whatever is brings me to the next question. Julie's asking what comes in a box of fund law would comes in a box of fund so they are you can think of them as kind of our best virtue rated activities that we've used in a variety of different circumstances so our website. There's some some examples football football botchy. You know it's you know or puzzle. There's some of them are creative game. Some of our mild physical challenges all built with the laws of fun like like we talked about the wrong collusive non-threatening and they're meant to be for four to twenty people for fifteen to twenty minutes and so it's you know comes with instructions and everything that you would need and then you can do would cheer leisure but football botches a great example of a game that you know people like football and they're like botchy. We combine the two so you can play it in the office. you know nobody gets hurt. You know it's all inclusive all that so you know we modify modify games and based on people shared experiences. If somebody says football rousing get everybody out. Football fields not going to happen but how can you modify. I football like you make it a paper football game where you're shooting through somebody's finger a goalpost or whatever so we find ways to modify things things that people are interested in. Greg question dressing. Do you ever do stuff like that for like bigger workshops conferences like do you do boxes of fun up. thinking for ourselves at. Lee is going to be doing an event in November a training event. I'm wondering like maybe we can partner something. What kind of things do you do for worked larger workshops. Yes so we're we're doing one. next week where we're gone. Naples Florida ads company. Were you know the annual conference a a lot of people will set up stations with boxes so that people can play at their leisure will have people that are there to to facilitate or whatever get him started started out a lot. We did a millennial summit fact. We got a couple of them coming up here where we'll do these stations. We had these boxes so they're you know they're really really cool that people can engage their at their leisure and you know again engaging fun. Quick Little Mary me last question here here. I've got what are the challenges barriers. You foresee a company facing well implementing this new fund strategy. I agree question so a lot of it is the first time jitters right so we'll do a workshop for a company and they leave all fired up. They're ready to go like this is awesome. They're all bought and they love it and then the first activity which we actually for you know put on the calendar like let's get started here this and we coach them. Through through a remote was right so we can coach people over the phone just to make sure that they're set up but it's getting the first one done and you know like anything nothing else. This is practice inexperience and normally by the third one which typically is the third month. People are gone now. We got this man. We got this. We're good. We're good in fact we came up with other ideas and creative inventory posted up and we found other things that we want to do so they get into it and doing win. Workshop we get people actually building these activities in five minute rounds and then two minutes speed round so you really get pretty proficient at it you the process very nice well. those are all the questions we have today. Thank you nick so much for taking the time. They make sure you check out the fun department. You can see the social media links there and check out the boxes of fun. That sounds so cool. I know I am remember we offer this. Webinar replay along with all our past Webinar replays lead ex academy and you can sign up at or for free no risk three day trial so check that out help. Everyone has a great rest of the week. Thank you John. Thank you friends. If you'd like this episode episode of the Lead X. Leadership podcast please take a minute leave. A rating on I tunes or stitcher ratings are invaluable for attracting new listeners and I like to convert those listeners into leaders because you know I'm on a mission to spark one hundred million liters in the next ten years and if if you want to become the boss everyone fights to work for and nobody wants to leave checkout the lead x platform with coach Amanda at lead x Dot Dot Org and if you have ten or more managers who could use some binge worthy training send me an email at info at lead x dot org Elliott X dot. Org Rg and we'll talk about getting set up with a totally free pilot for those managers see if they like it if they don't that's fine. We go away part as friends but if they love it you just found yourself a new resource for them. Remember leadership is influence. You're always leading GONNA lead today.

Nick football Philadelphia Kevin crews Leadership Management Communic CNN Sustainable Results New York Times Times Dave Raymond BBC Flexibility Fund Sean Acre Simon Sinek Delaware United Electric Supply golf Nirvana Johnny Johny Team Building Com Dr Paul McGee
Does Happiness Proceed Success? The Research on a Positive Mindset Changing Your Business & Life with Guest Don Sandel

OC Talk Radio

47:33 min | 2 years ago

Does Happiness Proceed Success? The Research on a Positive Mindset Changing Your Business & Life with Guest Don Sandel

"Let's say you just bought a house bad news. Is your one step closer to becoming your parents. You'll proudly mow the lawn and see if anybody noticed you mow the lawn. Tell people to stay off the lawn. Compare it to your neighbor's lawn and complain about having the Modem on again. Good news is it's easy to bundle home and auto through progressive and save on your car insurance which of course we'll go right into the Lawn Progressive Casualty Insurance Company affiliates and other insurers discount not available in all states or situations. Welcome to the confident R._O._I.. To success come before happiness or happiness perceived perceived success that we're gonNA talk about today. Our guest today is focused his career on determining how positive mindset and attitude has an impact on people's success. He's done a lot of research in this done. A lot of training came up through United Airlines as a trainer corporate trainer as well as the North West Medical Facility in Chicago and his real world experiences in research. He's gone really deep on this. He's a <hes> now sharing it with the world in his firm. Go positive our guest is Don Sandal and you're going to be able to answer that question. What comes first happiness or success a lot of us? Get it wrong so enjoy. The interview interview Dawn Sanders L.. Welcome to the confident R._O._I.. Thanks Alex really happy to be here well. You should be your go. You come from positive so we would have an issue if you were all believe me. I I hear it especially from my kids. If if I'm not a happy optimistic and positive or do I hear it so yeah good point yeah. I have the same my my wife and daughter are always always reminding me things things. I think are important did especially in group dynamics. You know business you say this but what about families could ask so they they throw it back at you a little bit yeah I've been there without we were talking just before we started hearted about your experiences and stories and you were mentioning that use add an experienced the tested your positives mindset. It took everything you have to get through. Can you share with our audience. It's you want to relive that do you. In how did it help you and we're GonNa talk about how the positive mindset can can help to lead toward success and the father of positive psychology ecology study and research binded but nothing like a good story against start yeah. Well you know sometimes our biggest obstacles are the ones that we put their ourselves and this one is going to be relatable edible. I'm sure to almost all of your listeners and it's it was an experience I had last week we had the polar vortex that went across the Midwest and I was lucky enough to be traveling of course it wasn't a trip to Phoenix or or southern California. It was a trip to <hes> Columbus Ohio wonderful place wonderful people but <HES> <HES> I ended up being in O'hare airport <hes> waiting for my flight. I had three flights cancel. I was Zehr get this Alex. I was there at Nine A._M.. And I didn't get to my destination until one am the next morning so talk about a test of exactly what I teach exactly what a breach and you know. It's just one flight you'd have to you didn't have to make a note. It was one simple flight but of course the airlines were being being safe and being careful and I'm glad that they were but it's those types of things when you're in the airport and you're having cancellation after cancellation insulation and you're surrounded by people who are frustrated right in and it becomes a contagion in its that's when you have to be aware of your mindset the intentional about you know <hes> kind of your thought process <hes> avoiding the negative thoughts and going okay. How do I make the best of this? I was fine. I ended up getting work done. I talked to more people in more family than I normally do. <hes> and simply put made the best of it could have been a nightmare and quite frankly it was what I was talking to someone about this that that there's research on when you're in a group of people you can pick up on wasn't there. It was some sort of sense they put off in the it's in their sweat that we can sense it and in the duck in the research was the took sweat from people who were sweating and sweat from people that were upset and the exposure to different people in our eyes and the ones that were the ones that smelled the Yup set sweat. They started to get anxious. There was actually the could sense that were the sweat from <hes> working out didn't have the same effect on other people so we literally can pick up that frustration and anxiety from other people yeah. It's a little bit of group saying Yes we can we all <hes> <hes> put officer in energy and we pick up on that usually on an unconscious level <hes> but our behaviors contagion right so when I work with leaders in my talk about positive leadership I bring up for instance the Nicholas Nicholas Kristof study from Harvard and it's it's interesting because he was actually studying the contagion aspects of obesity <hes> and smoking and the positive psychologist got a whole of him and said you know maybe we should do a similar study with regard to the contagion of our behavior such as happiness so his his work with regard to <hes> smoking for instance that if you're a smoker smoker the person closest to you as a twenty five percent increase chance to be a smoker and the person closest to them has an increased fifteen percent chance to be a smoker and so the end result of this study once they the positive psychologist got a hold of him. They noticed the exact same trend that if you are positive the people closest to you <hes> are going to be more positive and on down the line. It's it's a fascinating study but it says so much about how our behavior affects the people around us well it does and I would like to know how you came to this because you start you. Do you have a long career in talent development and training before human resource development starting out with North West <hes> medical facility and then spending some time that United Airlines during Eh cremate graffiti that when they were employee owned airline. I remember coming across some of them going. You are not the friendliest guy exactly I would often say yes. I worked for United Airlines. It's not my fault. How did you come to subsume the importance of positive thinking in in its benefits and how it can help with with with obtaining six success? Yeah it's it's interesting in. It's a little bit serendipity because <hes> years ago I mean this is more than a decade. I was actually looking into the brain research with regard to learning because my focus was talent development so how is it that we learn and it's you know we're all in the brain <hes> and I kept running across the research in positive psychology and I started to focus less on the the brain process of learning earning focusing on the hippocampus and started to more focus on this growing amount of empirical data in science science based research on positive psychology and its its effect on on us and it wasn't long before I was reading everything that I could in studying Seligman and Lubomirski and Frederick said and Sean Acre of course in all of these that went before me and it was fascinating and probably the biggest thing I took from an L._X.. was is that you know when I begin this conversation. Many executive groups will will kind of look at it as a social fortune very nice dawn. I agree with you. I really like this but how does this happen business impact but once we look at the research and now we have over two decades of real good science base empirical data that says we are different and we are better when we're happy optimistic and positive I was tot- so who who started this research. We've we're wired to be negative right. Who who questioned that? Maybe there's a better way or at least one hundred research why Bobby mcferrin Birdsong was so <unk> so popular yeah yeah I when I came out I get introduced with that song a lot in and I'm starting to say. Can we find another song and it's a wonderful song always does put me in a good mood but <hes> you know if we go back to Norman Vincent Peale's bestselling book the power of Positive Thinking Norma's this appeal was right on he was spot on but it wasn't based on the research. So what happened was is in nineteen nineteen ninety eight doctor. Martin Seligman became the president of the American Psychological Association and what he noticed was in in what he really kinda trumpeted in nineteen ninety eight was look. We're spending all of our hours in all of our time in all of dollars studying the disease model. If something's broke we're going to fix it right. If there is something pathological we're GonNa fix it said what if we took all of the energy and all of that or not all of it but more of it and said let's study see when people are thriving let study when people are flourishing. I think we're going to learn a lot from that so that really began from Kiel to sell it men but what Seligman started started in one thousand nine hundred ninety eight were salad duplicate -able research that against said we are different and we are better when we're happy optimistic and positive and the data has shown that to be true and so what what does that mean for someone that <hes> you know someone who struggles with being positive that he worked at United Airlines in wintertime China Shit at O'hare you know you deal with a lot of it but maybe is that would southwest airlines `success they they're pretty they've had a policy of trying to recruit people that like to laugh so I did really important is that are that difference. Well we all struggle with that because we have a kind of genetic code or or a negativity bias that is is evolutionary Canary <hes> if you think about early humankind what were they always looking for. They're always looking for danger and our brain hasn't really changed from that. We still have negativity bias. No matter how positive we we are and believe me in what I do in all of the other positive psychology researchers <hes> it's not happy allergy. We understand that we're GONNA have crappy days right. We we understand that tragedy tragedy Freddie and challenge and change is still going to occur but it's about establishing a foundation that where we begin <hes> happy up optimistic and positive we're still going to have rotten days but when we begin with that foundation when I call hop when we begin that with that foundation we're better suited to deal with the winds of change the days of tragedy the days of challenge because we begin at a better place and in in you know to that point I don't want I don't WanNa beat up my hometown. Airline this. There's some wonderful folks who who worked there and and more often than not I really have a great experience France with them but so much of this is just perspective and being intentional and saying I'm going to be Jinmei Day positively and I bet you. That's how it's command kid you. Can you give an example of of how this is how someone you've worked with <hes> all the time and that's one of the things that's so rewarding about this is that I know it has one business impact but on the individual level it is so moving <hes> when people realize you're right I default to the negative too much <hes>. You don't know how many times after keynote somebody will say I will will don. Can you talk talk to my spouse no but you can <hes> I had one young lady whose whose mom was just put into hospice and she attended a keynote and she talked to me afterwards and she just said this. This was perfect timing because I was very <hes> feeling sorry for myself a well with me in you just helped me to realize that I have a choice in what my the attitude is. I have a choice in however respond to the daily negative things that occur and just just that point about choice in being intentional <hes> about our mindset. I made a huge difference to her so I see this all the time so kind of stumbled into it. Frankl talked about man's search for meaning in terms of having the choice yeah. There's always that moment of of choice right there's there's that moment of engagement and then we have that just that moment of choice and that determines how we respond to some how we respond to these these incidents that occur you know life and and yeah I bring up Frankel and quotes often and that's such a powerful teachable moment in I know I have the choice how to react to things but oftentimes you know that person cuts me off or doesn't doesn't go when they should go any tricks for <hes> you override to that initial initial is Madonna. She goes well why hockey at once so much how how did he put a circuit breaker in there well part of it is just asking yourself that question. How does this serve me? I just my response serve me and. If you have that moment of clarity <hes> you'll come to the conclusion. It's usually not I I can control my response than I have to remember Frankel. I have to remember <hes> so just take a deep breath as Corny corny as that sounds. I know it does but what happens when we take that deep breath we don't let the LIMBIC system override our prefrontal CORTEX. PREFRONTAL CORTEX is the rational part of our brain is the executive function of our brain and <hes> it gets tired. It gets tired during the course of the day <hes> and we don't have an infinite ability to control ourselves. We don't <hes> or self regulation regulation that Wayne's during the course of the day I bring gets tired so that ability to check ourselves to take a deep breath. Another technique is if we're starting to feel with certainly motion and we're starting to feel it takes us over is is to name how we're feeling because once we made it we are actually pulling our prefrontal cortex back into the equation when it was about to be overridden by Olympic System when we when our prefrontal cortex gets overridden the LIMBIC system. It's usually not a good thing so take a deep breath ask. How is it serving me right and running? How many airlines have gotten my the mega override by looking in and we all do that? I still don't do that too but I do it less and less the the one thing about taking a deep breath degrees the definitely helps but my daughter always goes. Are You frustrated dad supposed to do I. I love it because we wanted. We want our kids to notice those things in the more they could detect our emotions means the better they can detect their own. So are you agree are you. Are you so you telling you sounds like you're you're actually teaching some some of the meditation or mindfulness practice techniques do you do people know that or just just teaching them the getting him over the happy getting to focus on happiness. That's one thing or is that how do you do it. Oh no no that's that that is definitely part of it. Because <hes> you know meditation when I teach meditation. Should I always say look. You're not smelling any incense. No notice that I'm not wearing any flowing robes <hes> the the empirical data of of you know the last decade fifteen years around meditation our brains change <hes> <hes> we we grow new neurons when we meditate. We improve our immune systems. When you meditate we mitigate the stress of the day we <hes> it's a great way to <hes> push that cortisol from stress during the course sources day out of our system? It's incredibly powerful but part of it is perspective right so many people when they think about meditation they think of kind of eastern philosophy in eastern cultures man that has moved it has moved to Western culture and in so many C._e._o.'s are are meditating and buying into mindfulness and if it helps our employees to mitigate their stress and help them to show up better each day and even if they do it for three to five minutes in the middle of the morning in the middle of the afternoon and they give their brains arrest and they get back control of their own minds. That's incredibly powerful. So why wouldn't somebody embrace that. It's the sounds like you're really it. You talk about posits you hear your company's aims. Go positive without the and you are. You're you're teaching people `Bout House. <unk> success generally comes after happiness where most people believe success. You GotTa be successful in order to be happy but it really to me. It sounds like you really teaching people how to how rewire the brains out of gap brains absolutely look we we are genetically predisposed to have a negative bias and that made sense when we were shaped being chased by wild animals animals <hes> and it doesn't they're just done email yeah. There's that too but <hes> to be able to change that mindset in realized that there is incredible power four and being happy optimistic and positive. Here's here's here's here's my theses. Alex is it's when we embrace this mindset and we shift from the negativity bias to a positivity bias we are are more focused more disciplined more innovative more creative. We're actually smarter <hes> they've done studies with students and they've primed them to be positive neutral. Oh or negative before taking safe for instance math achievement jess and invariably duplicated every single time insistently the ones who score the best on a math achievement test of the ones that were approach to be happy before they took the past. Why did not know that Nice School and college would help to go so so we're smarter <hes> we we have better recall we have better memory were better able to <hes> leverage the power of her own brains and we open up the learning centers of her brain when we have this hop mindset so again it's not just a social virtue or we're are different and we are better when we're happy optimistic and positive so how can someone cultivate a positive mindset yeah yeah in it takes intention in it takes so what I do in the in in my workshop is I do spend a little bit of time Alex talking about the brain and talking about the neuroscience and talked about neurotransmitters to get released when we're when we're in that mindset and that's part of what makes us different and better better <hes> and there's a number of research back techniques that help us to to have that mindset <hes> we talked earlier about the number one way to raise your happiness underscores? Get this get this. It's it's gratitude so so why gratitude we right. If we see this all over the place these days it's ubiquitous gratitude but but when we change change our brain to focus on gratitude instead of negativity we're literally teaching our brain to default to the positive instead of the negatives now we don't need to <hes> do the gratitude exercise every single day you know dosage is important if we did gratitude every single day I think we'd get bored with it. We'd run out of things to be grateful for. I keep on saying I'm grateful for Alex but by the third day I'm tired of being grateful for so dosages important so if you do that two or three times a week and you have a primer that reminds you you start to change that neural structure that says I have a negativity bias in. In your brain goes Oh. I see what you're doing. You want me to look for things to be grateful for you. Want me to look for positive things so we didn't so we do that that exercise Alex another one we do is we do the same exercise so so when we experienced something <hes> positive the broncos great. I'm glad something positive happened but it doesn't really put it into long term memory unless it was extremely emotional but if it's just the positive thing that happened during the course of the brain the brain doesn't want to take up that space says great gone right not in long term memory may be short term memory when something negative happens in our brain the brain goes oh I can learn from that. Let me store that in long term memory so it's really important that we save her the positive moments the positive events when are when your daughter notices something about about your behavior Alex that's awesome. You should be proud of her. That's a moment to savor the Damore we do that. The more we chains neural structure in our brain and we stopped defaulting to the negative and we start defaulting to the positive more off does great because now I understand why a lot of companies are doing in groups or doing team later. You're doing coaches. This exercise of what were you wins started a weekly meeting. Your wins this this weekend. I didn't understand why it in anything to it. Gets you thinking that positive mindset and <hes> looking for things you know wins something to be grateful for yeah in if we do and in the there's a number of techniques and you gotta you gotTa find the techniques that worked for you right because what you don't WanNa do have a great workshop your read a great article about it or you or you hear a podcast and and you you you just do the one or two things maybe that you heard but there's probably a good fifteen to twenty techniques that <hes> a research based that were duplicated right that said these these things we know for sure help our brain chain from that negativity bias to to positivity bias for the long term <hes> in in that's that's that's actually a really good point and we should focus on that that the way that we typically your happiness Alex touchdown this is is quite frankly wrong and we need a new paradigm because lots of times. It's I'm not going to be happy until Ryan. Tell it gets a new car. Mary the perfect spouse I give the big house in the suburbs but most of those are <hes> short-term pleasures that don't give us long term results so if you engage in those things did change the neural structure for the long term. You'll actually have that foundation of of happy optimistic composite is you you talk about in your in your video of seeing you talk about. Success does not comes after happiness. Happiness proceed success and I've gotten stuck in that trap sure when we did this done in this is successful. They'll be happy I think it Kinda went back to school as Jin scores like betting get the homework done get good test scores. You know I wouldn't get I get punished so as like can't be you know unless this is done. There's going to be paying in the future yeah. If you take anything from this it is that it is that paradigm shift because our whole society in our whole marketing <hes> Cunha tells us that you're going to be happy with these things <hes> but you're exactly all right we need to change that paradigm from from <hes> success first and then happiness no happiness precedes success in fact the data tells us the research tells us that <hes> happiness precedes success in fact happiness causes. This is success so focus not on your success focus on our raison d'etre right the Dalai. Lama said that the <hes> the reason for life is to pursue happiness right <hes> so if we put that I not in a selfish way in fact the best happiness is happiness that includes others but if we really focus on happiness happiness <hes> virtuous happiness not short-term pleasures but virtuous happiness and we have that foundation that creates upward spirals that improve our relationships or partnerships are collaborations rations business impact do know that the data tells us Alex that when businesses embrace this they improve almost every measurable metric every measurable outcome come in their business including the bottom line. That's that's profound. It's different. It's unique. This is niche for sure but the data tells us it so when we when you define happiness happinesses is like trying to define what the color green as I mean it's it's it can be hard to grasp to to grasp that was <hes> so is that Peterson and his twelve rules for lice talks about happiness he is it happiness or meaning but in is it contentment with with what where you're at happiness happiness without meaning and I'm quoting Sean Acre here and others but happiness without meaning is merely pleasure right so so it is a little bit more <hes> in community community building solid relationships <hes> and a deeper sense of happiness not that short term. I get happy when I eat snickers bars and I love doritos. Okay that's short term but you're going to pay for that later. So is it really is about online. It's being thoughtful about how you approach this in being intentional about how you approach this and quite frankly doing a little bit of the research so taking the extreme example frankl found meaning in a concentration camp in the worst ever possible situation he was never going to be happy but he found meaning and that no one could change non could affect how he felt internally about things how's the tackiness because <music> but it was those the power to be in control of one's own mind in not having it emotionally real sure and once you give into the external things once you give into others and others define find your happiness others define your response within. You've lost your opportunity so <hes> you know Franklin. Covey famously talked about <hes> or sorry Stephen Covey's the famously talked about <hes>. Bring your own sunshine. So what if it's raining outside so so what if somebody else is unhappy and they're affecting the climate in the room. It's how we respond to it. It's the same thing was stress. I talk. About stress in the workshop stresses a killer <hes> but but external stresses not GonNa Change. It's always gonNA be there so it's how we respond to it. That's what we need to learn. It's not mitigating the external title stress. It's learning how we respond to it and taking ownership of I response. It's interesting because I have this this relationship of golf. We've been legally separated for a while but I didn't their the tennis thing it's like I don't never play well until I totally give up on the ramp and it's not so much like not caring but just I think it's when I start to enjoy the walk and enjoy being outside and it might take a little while but I just plays the first time in six months and Iras at rental clubs and butter was the wrong ended. 'cause I went less in. It was raining potter. This is not the right set of clubs and I started out playing poorly wasn't big. He'll start enjoying the walk. My it's nice weather as I knew realize it was the end you're one hundred for the last ten holes. I had no idea but I had given up on the round about you know about fourteen rolls into it but I think it was just my mindset of just enjoying it it enjoying that moment. Everything was was perfect in the weather that visibility it see the mountains and everything and it's just but I think it goes to what you're saying. That success came after I was happy was doing what I would do. It yeah in that that is is another lesson no different than when we're driving in rush hour traffic. It's rush hour traffic. What do you expect folks call? Dr Dad is an unfair expectation. You're going to be miserable every time you drive. That's one of those things that we talked about. We laugh about in in when I speak and when I teach and everybody has that same experience and and I don't know how many times I've heard people say that that was one of the biggest changes in their life as they realized they have absolutely no control over that they have absolutely no control over that and they're sitting in in traffic and all of a sudden they're enjoying the music they're enjoying Talkradio. They put on a podcast. They're making phone calls to family and relationships that maybe they normally wouldn't make there's a great way to use that time when you're stuck in traffic but I do but I do love it Alex that you brought up sports listened to athletes especially golfers after a bad round or after a good game or after a good round and you start to hear things like confidence mindset attitude in how much that plays into our outcomes I was thinking about that actually preparing for this and and I remember I think it was a friend Fred couples the Golfer who has taught me about how just not having people at negative thoughts around that was a negative comments that was really key in order to be to be in that right mindset in the that a lot of golfers just didn't like people at negative mindsets around them because they have a lot of things outside their control. They're dealing with and they're trying to get a little white along hole in that. Ah that keeping not letting creep in we talked about earlier. Oh we pick up on it from other this this discussion about athletics in a way underpins exactly what we're talking about out because we have all experienced <hes> the theses behind go positive and what I do. We've all had a presentation we had to give in and we just didn't have the right right. Mindset before handwrite didn't have confidence didn't prepare and we went into it with failure in our mind well then what of course was our outcome convy. We've all experienced that but then we had another presentation where we I so confident and excited we couldn't wait to give the presentation and re completely owned it. That's mindset. It's no different than when you're standing at the free. Throw line in your taking that moment to envision the ball going in. That's not about your muscles. That's about your brain. <hes> this idea of muscle memory your muscles don't have memory but your brain does so it's all about what's in our brain that is so critical in so important performance begins with the brain and our people doing things days. Kurt lifestyle is at detrimental to the brain and mind set a softball up boy. Oh of course of course absolutely <hes> T._v.. Marketing are playing upon our our psychology and our weaknesses in our lack of confidence <hes> no doubt about it social media. There's some fascinating research out there about social media in these social comparisons that naturally occur when we're on facebook and somebody blonde a shiny new car new house or look at how great my life is look at how wonderful my kids are will folks if if when you see that instead of being happy for them you know Oh wait hold it. I didn't get that new car. I didn't get that house. My kids aren't looked ever were off failing. We all made we're wired to compare ourselves. We are absolutely wired to compare ourselves. That too is evolutionary because because early humankind it was all about social status who is going to be at the top and therefore <hes> survive in let their genes perpetuate right so so so that that is so hard of our makeup but one of the things that we talk about in one of the techniques that we talked about is limits your social media use in be aware of your responses to social media so much of it is wonderful. It's awesome. It's fascinating but if we don't manage our mindset in our response we will default to a woe is me common common default that were wire for that for ten thousand one hundred ten thousand years. Have you seen any of the research on sleep and how that's impacting people in their ability to manage your emotions. Absolutely sleep is is so important in the data up from the last decade has been fascinating. You know when we sleep. It's it's it's it's fascinating of course the brain is still working so when we sleep <hes> the brain is solving the problems of the day and if you've ever woken up and you're in the shower and you had a good night's sleep and you're in the shower and you're shampooing and you get this great idea and you go. Oh my God. It must be the shampoo. It's it's that they see up to your brain was solving the problems of the day subconsciously while you were sleeping but here's the other fascinating thing about sleep. That's our time of renewal. That's our time where our brain grows new neurons. Runs <hes> we regenerate <hes> it gives power to our immune systems are cognitive abilities for the next day <hes>. It's very very powerful. Here's one unique thing that they must people don't know about about sleep when we sleep our brain actually cleanses itself so we get spinal fluid and it goes into the cerebral cortex which is basically the macaroni part of the brain and <hes> the little macaroni fishers actually opened up ever so slightly and the spinal fluid goes in and cleanses our brain it moves out the dead neurons it moves out the toxins from the day <hes> which is really really healthy for our brain part of the reason why <hes> sleep is so important to our cognitive abilities the next day our personality the next day <hes> so I guess along that process the cleanser brain takes something in more than six hours you. YOU'RE SO SMART Alex. Yeah you're right. It's it's about seven to eight hours. It takes so sleep is really really really important to end it also is important to her happiness. Because we perform better we have better relationships were in better moods so getting sleep exercising exercises another one. It's so important to our brain greenhealth our body health inner mental health and the studies in research is there to back it up at this kind of burn the Golden Era I mean twenty years now that they can actually see inside the brain and start to see what's going on that now they're now now. They're finding out why some of these techniques and concepts and other learn about sleep you know what it actually does and what the brain looks like with sleep and vowed yeah the ever ever since the advent of M._R._i.. And F._M.. Our I we don't have to wait until somebody has a damage to a certain part of their brain to determine what lights up in the brain and what affects out what part part of the brain affects your ability to function to speak to learn to move our arms now we have 'em Orion we can literally dive into the brain and determine where's the blood going in the brain. What's lighting up and it's it's it's been fascinating and then that's why so much of what we teach? In talk about Alex is underpinned by the research because now we can pure inside the brain in when here's here's one thing that that they've been able to determine airman debt social pain. <hes> is is lights up in the same area of the brain as physical pain which is which is which is really really fascinating so <hes> <hes> <hes> we don't explain why we have an opening issue yeah yeah in that you know that gets to addiction because <hes> dopamine is really important to feeling unhappy when you feel happy and we do exercises <hes> purposely to execute happiness right and to get a release of dopamine or Serotonin oxytocin will do that on purpose during during the workshop workshop <hes> and we get this release of dopamine which is a wonderful gift and it helps us to pursue our goals and we get on its key to the brain's reward pathway but that's also part of addiction that people get addicted to drugs and that <hes> release of dopamine and they want more of it and they want more of it so it's a little bit of that double edged sword. I suppose drugs we although caffeine is technically drug I mean coffee and red wine. I mean there's a dopamine delivered dopamine for you yeah in it's it's it's that reminder of being intentional being control of our mindset mindset and everything in moderation those are words to live by well. We've covered a lot done <hes> any other thoughts before we wrap it up here and people goal people know how they can <hes> industrial you well yeah in. It's just going back to the underpinning that scientists told us that we are different and we are a better when we're happy optimistic and positive <hes> our brain changes our abilities change our intelligence changes our ability to collaborate and build partnerships <hes> so it's not just the social virtue anymore. It is a paradigm shift in a way to <hes> take control of our life. Take Control of our outcomes. <hes> remember that that happiness recede success in fact happiness causes success and for intentional about that the world in the universe is going to bring us some really good things but it's up to us to control leroux mindset in their science to support. That's right that's right and that's what makes this so much fun people go. I know all of visits really fun. It's really nice but it's baked in the science. I think we've entered this phase. As of <unk> people aren't starving to death anymore and we have the basic essentials but we're in this touted we actually figure out how to live with his abundance and this is part of the process. How how do you wire your brain on you? Make those decisions in order to get the optimal outcomes and it doesn't happen just by accident. Some people might be born better to do this than others for sure. Some people might be genetically predisposed to be happier and more positive versus maybe our negative cousins but if we're intentional about it and we do a little bit of the research man the outcomes are wonderful. How can people get in touch with you that they'd like to inquired about your workshops and the savory exercise savoring exercise yes savoring exercise <hes> let it sit there and our cranium a little bit longer so yeah yeah in? Thank you very much Alex. It's a blast talking into you. I thought you ask wonderful questions. I had a blast <hes> people could reach out to me even if they just want more information about what I'm doing or just supporting articles or supporting data supporting studies <hes> Don at go positive positive without the E. DOT com or just go to my website. Go positive without the E.. Dot Com all right Donald. Thanks for coming on and aggregrate grady. Thank you buy friend. We'll talk to you soon. If you're liking confident are y you do please leave us a review itunes or wherever you listen to this podcast thanks they do it right to spend less than the things you need to update and Organiz your home. Lows is here to help you save every day. Plus bonus savings this week upgrade to a newer more stylish ceiling fan and save up to twenty percent John off select harbor breeze ceiling fans reclaim your space eighteen gallon totes now just four dollars ninety eight cents each and available in four colors Coral Turquoise Green and grey whatever's on your to do list today and every day do it right for less start with Lowe's.

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International Positive Education Network Conference Preview With Deborah K. Heisz

Live Happy Now

22:36 min | 5 months ago

International Positive Education Network Conference Preview With Deborah K. Heisz

"Welcome to episode two, hundred and seventy nine. Oh, live happy now. This is Paula Phelps, and this week we're here to talk about positive education. Whether. You're an educator or apparent. The concept of positive education is something that can change your life as well as the life of your student child. In these times, it's more important than ever to understand the role that wellbeing plays in the lives of students, teachers, administrators, and parents. So this week live happy CEO and Co founder Deborah Highs joins us to talk about the upcoming International Positive Education Networks Twenty twenty wellbeing in education or conference. This event is being offered entirely online for the first time and it's also free for anyone who wants to attend. deb Sits Down with me to explain what you can expect and how you can experience it. Debra welcome back to the happy. Now, I'm very excited to be here as always one of my favorite things to do. We specific reason for getting you on the air this week because there's something coming up, you know it better than practically anybody else, and so I'm going to start by asking you to tell us. What this conference is, what it's called and why it's important. Certainly. First of all, this is the. International Positive Education Network is hosting a wellbeing in education virtual conference in October October Twenty, seven, hundred, twenty, nine actually, and it's global conference. It is time zoned appropriately. So if you live in north and South America, it would be on the twenty seven, twenty eight. If you live in different parts of the world, it's going to be on the twentieth and twenty. But it's super exciting I pen something that I've been involved in actually founding board member something I've been involved from the start something that live happy is co founder Jeff. Wilson's been involved from the start and it's really about creating wellbeing in educational systems and we're super excited that were hosting our third conference. It's an every other year conference We've been going about seven years, but this is our third conference and probably the most exciting thing about this particular conference is that it's Free. So we can get you know as many people as we want to attend. It's a good opportunity that we would have loved to have. We've had thousands people at our other conferences, but we this is an opportunity for anyone who's interested in positive education to log in and out what it's all about and for people who are listening who aren't really sure what positive education is can you kind of tell us a little bit about what you mean when you say Positive Education It's a broad topic actually, it's not a specific topic because positive education depending on who you're talking to has various connotation. So for people who run schools, there are positive schools positive learning environments that are created, which teach children to be empowered and advocate for themselves and are built around character. Strengths are are built around really creating a wellbeing environment for students as opposed to just you know reading writing arithmetic, it really is about educating the whole child because studies have shown that people who have a higher sense of wellbeing perform better in everything starting with school. Teaching children in a way that enables them to feel and develop their own wellbeing their own a psychological wellbeing their own social well-being is the foundation of positive education. But when we talk about positive education, we're not just talking about the students themselves. Really is ecosystems teachers are impacted by it at hurts where can be impacted by it administrations and not just children in the sense of you know thinking about children but really educational systems all the way through universities. So the positive that's why it's the international positive education network is because there's a lot of different ways of looking at it and developing it, and you know that the network was founded really to bring attention to it and to get people who are passionate about it involved in really changing the way we teach people. And obviously this is great for educators, but it goes beyond that because this is something parents and especially, I'm thinking now a lot of parents have stepped into that role of teacher during Cova. Particularly relevant to them, but it really is something that's designed for a pretty broad audience. It really is, I, think, people listen to this podcast have heard us talk about Martin Seligman or Angela Duckworth or Lee waters you know and they're going to be presenting at this conference. They'll be talking about you know really the impact of positive psychology on education or Angela dot worth and her read her book grits. She'll be talking about her her work there Lee waters. We'll be talking about what's going on in Australia relative to this but is four everyone they'll be topics that are for educators. They'll be master classes for schools that want investigate implementing positive education into their establishments. There'll be work on how to practice. Practical positive education interventions. They'll be panel discussions though be showcases from schools that are have already implemented positive education including. You know what they did that work what they did that didn't work, but fundamentally, there's going to be a lot of broad content about why it's important what we mean when we talk about positive education and it's just got a star studded lineup of people. That are coming to speak you know our global chair Simon Murray, he's GonNa. Do a sit down interview with Martin Seligman which you know Martin Solitaire. He's the father of positive education and for that to be free for the people who want to attend phenomenal. It's a great opportunity to learn more about positive psychology positive education in general and if you're a parent to start thinking. As is something I wanted to see in my school system is this something I can talk to my teachers administrators about what can I do to a an Chris my child's while being, and where are we going? What's the future bring for this topic? It's really a tremendous thing and I would be remiss if I didn't mention the Tech Melanio University in Mexico is hosting it and it is a precursor to their wellbeing three, sixty conference, which is also free. So someone can log on and attend both ours the wellbeing in an education virtual. Conference, and then there's is you know three, sixty, wellbeing, three sixty, and so they're talking a lot about how you can develop your well being in your own life and business and schools as students. It's really district tremendous opportunity. I don't want people to miss out on now. Can you tell a little bit about the format is a webinars zoom thing? What can we expect when someone signs up? What's the experience going to be wants a true online event meaning when you log on, you're GonNa have the opportunity to go into different rooms there's going. To be simultaneous panels, there's going to be keynote speakers. There's going to be translation it's going to be available in English and Spanish across the board. You might hear from speakers that are Asian or you know that are from that part of the world you know from Singapore certainly from England and Australia and Mexico, and Middle East Dubai though speakers from all over the world. But when you go in, it will be a digital event once you register, you come back and you attend the event of digital room you can go into to hear what? You want to hear you'll be able to select the tracks that you want to listen to, and you know basically it's like you're being there but you're not there is best way I know how to describe it. One of the challenges that I've always found that these conferences is you've got events going on simultaneously because how many times has it been like oh I wanna go to the essence I but I want to go to that too. So we'll any of this be recorded that you can access later or how do we work around that? Some of it will be not all of it will be, I mean you have always have various rights issues and things like that. But I know that we are also going to preserve all the content we can for eventual hosting either on the I pen site itself we can capture that but also I know that the breakouts you can tend multiple breakouts. There's not specific this breakout this time. So you if you want select breakout and they look like they're at. The same time? Those breakouts will be running through the breakout time period had listened to more than one. We are recording for on demand, but it's really only available. The only time we can guarantee it's available during the conference time but you know People Wanna learn more about this. They can go to our website, our website I'm still on the board of I pen you can go to the I. Penn website, which is I pen I e n Dash Network Dot Com. And got a lot of information about what's going on at the event. There's going to be more information coming doing speaker. BIOS, and biographies of what their talks are going to be about those are going to be posted over the next few days. So they'll probably be up by the time people can hear this podcast, but they'll be able to you people can dive in and figure out what is they want to listen to but I think the important thing is if you have any interest in this whatsoever. Register get more information. If you don't WanNa tend to hours attend the two hours it'll be well worth it. There's a lot of resources and people that you really unless you go to the events like we've gone to Paulo over the last ten years at this point. Attending either or IPAD events or working with some of those people. There are people that you want to hear from that. That opportunity to just doesn't exist unless you go to those events right this is an opportunity for us sitting in your house to hear from you know the top you know really mind share in the world on the topics, and if you're passionate about it, it's worth your time. If you're just interested in WanNa know what it's about. It's worth your time and you can't beat the price. Yeah. That's for sure that's for sure and how many speakers total does it have to you know? You Know I. Don't know off top of my head, but it's got more than thirty. We have panels, we call masterclass breakouts we have keynote speakers, leap list here, lonely radio, some of the names of people that are speaking you know Sir Anthony. Seldon. He's one of the founders of I pen and the Vice Chancellor of the University of Buckingham, and you haven't heard him speak he's both entertaining and incredibly knowledgeable and one of the Most Compassionate people I've ever met in my life. so He's worth it are I pen global chair Simon Murray is on there. He's rally while respected. The industry he used to be the headmaster of a school that is implemented a positive education towel Ben Shahar. We'll be speaking for those who know that name he's one of the fathers of he is for those of you know, Sean Acre Ben Shahar Har was the professor that Sean Acre was the assistant with the top the happiness class at Harvard he'll be speaking at a session Lee waters who we've had on this podcast several times is phenomenal will be speaking Angela Duckworth as I said. Steve Levin all done some tremendous things with girls and we'll be speaking you know who he is. Of course Caroline Miller will be speaking you'll the scarf ob speaking and Johnston the head of Pisa, Positive Schools Network in Australia I can't remember what the initials stand for a Dr Abdulah Cram who is working with Dubai on implementing positive education they'll all be speaking and then there's a breakout from the schools to masterclasses one is led by Peggy Kern so that should be very interesting the other. One is led by Matthew White and some other folks from Geelong David bought and other Louis Timon folks from a Geelong in Australia. Who's got one of the most successful positive education implementations across schools, and you know it's just really it is the WHO's who in positive education positive psychology and you know anytime you can hear Mardi speak it's always an education so I it's just totally something that if you don't know what positive education has, you want to learn more about it it's great. If you know what it is and you WANNA learn more indepth or hear from some of these people about what they're doing their successes, their failures there's just not a better platform for it. I know that as soon as the last I, pen conference ended your team started working on planning this. So obviously, twenty twenty didn't turn out to be what you expect when you started planning in two thousand eighteen. So what kind of challenges did you face and say like we have to move this from physical conference to an online space? Well we made that decision very early on. It's really it's impossible to say you have a conference about wellbeing and asked people to make a decision about are they going to rally pandemic or not? We're going to put you to see how much you believing wellbeing. Yeah. So we were supposed to have this conference. You know with the spring early spring this past year in person in Mexico but the folks at Tech Malania University pivoted quite well and have actually taken the lead on planning this in conjunction with another conference that they typically host, which is their wellbeing three sixty that also could not take place in a physical environment. So really as part of the pivot, though it became really clear that we didn't have to. Charge for this, this is something that we it really became less about content although it's incredibly rich in content. And more about how can we use this opportunity to expose as many people as possible to this and that's where free came in. You, know they want and are expecting thousands and thousands of people to attend this globally. And that's the goal for thousands of people if not ten thousands of people to attend this globally because they can. It's a tremendous awareness opportunity for positive education but also for the importance that well being plays in the role of the student, the teacher, the administrator, and the role with the three sixty event in conjunction with us. With, the you know the role that will being played all of our lives it's really just a tremendous opportunity. Now, for those of you want to attend wellbeing three, sixty please you are more than welcome to attend that event as well. I think that there's going to be a lot there for everybody and you know same types of speakers but also more on positive organizations more on business as well as tech a university system that employs positive education and positive psychology. So there's lot here. Yeah. It's really fascinating when you dig into the port, they've accomplished with their positive education program. I think is really surprising if you're not familiar with positive education and then you start looking at the results they've had it gets really exciting. That's kind of like this conference is a gateway drug because you start seeing what it can do and you want to, you just want to be involved in. It was certainly hope it is a gateway for a lot of people to really take stock and you'll really the time that's going on right now you know with. The pandemic and everything else that's going on here in the United States in terms of you know black lives matter and equality and the election and everything that's coming up I think that we need to be reminded of how important our own well-being as but also the well being of the ecosystems that were within within the business within the school within our families within our communities you know we have to focus on well being and I think that these events are. Centering forest tremendous of that. Yeah. And at the same time, I had a question about. You know I, know people who are teachers I know people who are dealing with technology side of education and they are all kind of at their wit's end. You know there's so much. There's been so much upheaval and it's been a very stressful time. So to say, Hey, we're going to implement this positive component to it. How do they manage that I? Can you kind of address how they can take this on without feeling like Oh, my gosh. That's just one more thing that has to be added to our to do list but isn't it the only thing? Strange. Yeah. Lead with that is a good thing. Yeah. I mean, it's I'm actually working on a talk for another event just for the business of that right now, and one of my slides top of it is culture is everything. It starts with culture if you don't have culture and part of cultures having a culture of wellbeing a culture of carrying a culture of listening but I'm using the word listening intentionally I think a lot of us including me like to talk but there's a lot about wellbeing and creating positive organizations, which is about being compassionate, being empathetic, and listening and learning from what people have to say because we're all very very different people and that's why you know these conferences give us an opportunity to say, okay, I know that's the most important thing. Because really without a positive sense of wellbeing. What do we have I mean really what do we have nothing? You got nothing right? You want to talk about a key to happiness. Well, we have, and it's a new normal the world and my concern is you know distributed workplaces. I don't see all of my employees every day like I used to. So being conscientious about checking in and not just going to the meeting but having the conversation about how are you doing how's everybody in your family doing? How are you guys doing being at home together all the time you know is that a big change for your your kids going back. To school or did they select virtual options and what does that I mean those are conversations that you need to have people need to know you care. But more importantly, you actually need care. It's not just about going through the motions right. But you know I want to encourage people to say you know first things first and taking care of each other i. More not doing that we've missed the boat I think that that's what a conference like. This can whether it's the wellbeing an education portion or whether it's the three sixty, what is their tagline I love their tagline, your toolbox for a changing world wellbeing three sixty, and then the website for that is wellbeing three sixty dot m. x. because of course, tech Moneo is hosting it. So it's a Mexican website, but it is an English but where better to go to get the ideas of how to implement than from really the masters that are doing it already. We have to hate the word create meaning in life because I think creates the wrong word because I. Our lives have meaning maybe it's discover the meaning in life discover your meaningful life. We create positive organizations, developed positive families, and ultimately build you know thriving communities and people are at the center of all of that and. That's what positive education's about. Our I mean positive psychology is about right. Being in people. and. One of the good things is like even though a lot of these are big ideas. You can even go in as a teacher as a parent and see what someone did and implement it on your own level. Like you don't have to have a big budget or big program to start using some of these things. No, there's always tools people can use. There's always takeaways. I kind of equate it to you go to school right we all learned you know for your first, whatever we're Americans and we went to school and they all try to teach us to be factory workers. So we all learn basic math, basic government, basic English basic basic science whatever the basics are so that we all have a common foundation but as you develop and grow, you gravitate towards what inspires you, what fills you up what helps you grow I think a conference like this is the same thing. You can get a broad view of all of it, which you're gonna find something there that inspires you that you're going to want to spend more time more energy more engagement with. And once they find that does the website offer resources they're going to be able to delve a little deeper will kind of help them along on that journey. Then, we'll be resources with the various presentations and things like that I mean it really is they'll be worksheets they'll be all sorts of things on the conference website once it's fully developed right now, there's a registration page and some information that's I said, we're in the process of building that out look for I pen and wellbeing three sixties also burt building that out but I can promise no one's going to be disappointed. There's going to be a resources that they'll be able to download and take advantage of and look through you know on the well-being three, sixty side I mean Kim Cameron as talking about the power of positive organizations. Boy That is an incredible talk to listen to I just have to say. If commercial for Kim he's an incredible speaker that particular topic he's just a master at. So he is. He's the man on that topic among Michael Staggers also coming on to talk about life with purpose who's also these are the people that are we know and the James and Susan are talking about being happy together relationships. Riley me is is talking about character strengths. I mean this is the WHO's who positive psychology and positive education if you have any interest at all or want to know what it's about. This is the event to its stand. What's the one thing that you hope everybody takes away from? The conference. I think what I hope everybody takes away from every. Conference or event around this topic is that there's something they can do that. There's something that they can put into action in their own life and their own family. To make a difference because the worst thing is to go somewhere and go. That's all really nice. But what do I do with it but I know that this conference will give them practical things that they can do. This is not a talking at you. Yes. I agree with all your concepts it will be a and these are things you can do and this is how they. Work and why they work and how can make a difference but I do want people to be able to take away things that they can put into action otherwise you know it's just talking talking heads you know but able to take away something that you can feel passionate developing a passion for the topic. But having real action that you can take I think is going to be the keep. That was deborah highs talking about upcoming international positive education networks twenty, twenty wellbeing, and education. IRTUAL conference. If you'd like to learn more about this free online event and sign up to attend just visit us at live. Happy now, DOT com, and follow the links. That's all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all new episode, and until then this is Paula Phelps reminding you to make every day a happy one.

International Positive Educati International Positive Educati Australia Martin Seligman Paula Phelps Lee Simon Murray Positive Schools Network Deborah Highs administrator co founder Kim Cameron South America Angela Duckworth Mexico Debra deb twenty twenty founding board member
The 9 Dimensions Of Conscious Success - David Nielsen

Conversations with Phil

29:15 min | 2 years ago

The 9 Dimensions Of Conscious Success - David Nielsen

"Uh-huh. All right, folks. We'll get morning. Good afternoon. Good evening wherever you are. Whatever you're doing. I'm delighted that you chose to spend some time with me today. Eight today, we're gonna talk to author David initial San about the nine dimensions of conscious success. And if you're wondering can you define a purpose and chief conscious success? The answer is absolutely David breaks down in this book. We're gonna talk about the book, and some ideas, and how it got started in why this matters because I think this book that you wanna read it's going to propel your twenty nineteen and likely your life. So David good morning. I'm so glad that you're here today. Morning, phil. And thank you for having me seasons. Greetings, season's greeting. So so I gotta ask you first of all. So how did you get Dr Ken Blanchard to write the forward? David. That's pretty awesome. Well, how I there. I guess a couple of lessons from that somewhat serendipity and also. S for what you want in life dramatically, improves the probability that you'll get it. I had the good fortune to have a very solid mentor and good friend of mine who is close friends with Ken Blanchard and much later in life. I met Ken through a conference that I attend every year, and as I began to frame the structure for the book and get ready to begin writing one of the conscious choices that I made was to interview number of people. And so in the course of being with Ken at the conference that I attended rear. I asked him if he'd be willing to be interviewed. And he was a great interview. And he was very gracious as he always says, and he said bowl, of course, hep it health and had agreed interview with him. And at the end of the interview he said, by the way, David I would be happy to write a review for the book if you would like that. And so I said that is very nice of Utah. For and I certainly will take you up on that. And so off we go, and I'm continuing to write and as the book was getting close to being published. I really had a sense that he would add some value in writing the foreword and I didn't wanna push his generosity. But at the conference, I was spending time with them having a Cup of coffee, and he asked about the book in again, reiterated his willingness to write a review, and I said, I don't wanna push the you're the bounds of your generosity. But would you be willing to write the forward? He said, of course. So he was he was gracious and very said he was honored that I was willing to ask. And so we worked together as the book was coming together in he agreed to write the foreword, and we got that done, and he's such a giant in industry, and the so it was more matter of right place, right time and being willing to ask. And he was great. Shis enough picks up on some. Well, I would also say though, it's important to ready. Good book because Ken wouldn't have stood behind something that wasn't good. But where where did you get the idea even here is this something you've ever working on? I mean is this like a combination of your life's work? David just wake up one day and say, you know, what this is what needs to be written. Is more. What you reference their accommodation of life's work, and I'll tell you. As I turned sixty. I started thinking about what my life meant to me. And why it had any sort of meaning and I had had by that time a reasonably successful career in management consulting and training a trained lots less people in a variety of large companies, and I just had sort of a self awareness moment around saying, well, you're sixty what is all? This mean, all of the things that you did in your life up to this point. And combining with that I had watched younger people in a variety of my clients systems seemingly struggle with well number of things and the different generations seem to be in some organizations to some degree clashing. They're different value constructs. They're different things that are important. Two people and I'm naturally curious guy. And so I was intrigued by the and then really one of the key things that struck me was the fact that I'd been extremely fortunate in my life. And when I started looking at some data on millennials and data on cost of living in some things. I quickly arrived at the point of realizing that it's much much more difficult for people starting out now and are going to be entering the the world of work than it was when I started another realization that I had was that. I was extremely fortunate to have had some wonderful mentors and people that really helped me along the way most notably my father. So all of that distilled down to the point of saying, gosh, maybe I have a story to tell number one number two. Maybe I could share things that I learned in my journey that would benefit younger people that are starting out. Out or for that matter anyone in a business or anyone in a company who aspires to be successful and the other. I think element was that my path had been an I talked about it in the book, my path had been one of of sort of trial and error, and, you know, making mistakes receiving feedback getting clear that boy that's something that didn't work very, well, maybe I don't need to repeat that again. And so all of that was then again still down into a framework for the book. The interviews the conducted with a number of people about their notions of success, and what helped them be successful. And that's how I came up with the the the model the nine dimensions of conscious success three to the foundational elements and then six different jitters. So that's kind of the story. Excellent. Excellent. So one of the things that struck me in the book is you make it clear that we have to decide for themselves. One are definition of successes, and that's different. I mean, a lot of times the book will say, well, this is what success is or at least that totally. So why is it? So important David to define for our selves. What success means that came also from an a pity number one. It's important to define for yourself with success means because the Maine's than you own that definition or you're clear about it's yours. It's not a success definition that someone else has provided for you one of the awareness is that I had growing up was watching mine father and others work in. We'd lived in a fairly traditional sort of. I always referred to it as either the father knows best or the leave it to beaver kind of life where my dad worked. My mother was a domestic engineer running a household and raising three children and so forth. But the realization was that there is. Sort of a sec speculation about what success was and that was based on learning, you know, a craft or a trader of figuring out what it is that you're going to do and work going to work for a company, and then largely my sense of success back, then was sort of rising the corporate ladder being promoted into positions of initial responsibility. As I began interviewing people in talking particularly to millennials and some of the generation it's abundantly clear in these quite a lot of data on this that the success definition that I might have grown up with maybe nothing like what a lot of people are looking at in this day and age, and so in some ways, I think millennials and the generations that are coming after them are more enlightened if you will about things important things like work life balance and things that no money isn't the only. Goal acquiring assets is not the only objective, and certainly being promoted into higher levels of responsibility may not be for everyone. So it it became really clear the two people need to define success for themselves and has nothing to do with what others think and most especially in writing the book, it has very little to do with what I think successive interesting. That's very very interesting. I think that that really has changed. I think about my father, and I think about how different things were for him. His his big success. Was you know, he stayed in a farm and kept the family business alive. Right. Very different than me as a you know, as a small business owners and entrepreneur who's out there travelling around coaching training people so different. I mean, there's almost no connection there between what he does. And what I do. So it's hard to even explain success in those terms in. Yet. If we can I think the fact that respect each other, we can both agree that we both seen some success some failure to but that we both have some success because of what we've done, and I think that's is that one of the key elements in the book is while to help us work better together to have that success. Absolutely. And I think your story is a great story about the the of respect between you and your father, even though you took different paths. I can remember it early age of, you know, my father was a survive or if you will of the depression, he was one of those people Tom Brokaw called the member of the greatest generation, and he served in the war and he survived the depression. And he I remember him at an early age instilling all of all three of us kids. I have two older sisters the notion that you have to learn how to work and he said at a very early age. He was by that time of successful executive. But he said it really doesn't matter. What you choose. To do in life. Do whatever you want, and whatever is meaningful to you. But whatever you do to the very best of your ability. And that was a key message. Yeah. Definitely key message. And I think that's something that if taken a heart Ken resonate across generations as the do the do the hard work to get the good success. Right. Right. Cool. Awesome. So well in your your model, you've got three foundational elements, which I think are very interesting and very different from other success models that I've seen number one is purpose to his self awareness in three, and I thought this was really interesting, David social awareness. So talk to us about those three foundational pieces in why they are so fundation certainly as the model came together. And I was influenced by other writers. I stay in the very early stages of book that I'm. Standing on the shoulders of giants. Because I I'm a racist reader. I'd read a lot, and I certainly was familiar with Covey's seven habits cetera. One of the things that I was clear about is that I was narrowing down based on all this interview data that this was going to be a list of things that I really felt strongly about and I went into the project with some predispositions about what I thought caused me and others to be successful. And then it was validated. By interview date about one of the things that became clear was early on. Somebody said, well, you got a list of nine things are any of them more important than the others. And I was already thinking that I head to head to separate the nine elements because for example, the notion of having self-awareness if you demonstrate one of the differentiator is humor if you demonstrate a real propensity for humor, but you do so without self awareness. Then. It can go horribly wrong. And I may have learned some of those lessons early in my life. So so one of the things that became clear as I needed to separate the nine things into those things that create a foundation a solid foundation for the other six. So I started with a believe it was will Rogers who said the two most important days of your life or the day that you're born in the day, you figure out why and so- purpose in a lot of my own journey and personal growth work has been something that a lot of people have talked about and Ken reference in the in the forward talking about, you know, everyone should have a purpose of reason that we get up in the morning, and so it all starts with that. Because then you can guide all the other elements your life based on 'em. I living my life on purpose or not then self-awareness probably came out of a lot of my executive coaching. Work where in coaching executives, it became clear, the often people operate a particularly people that have been successful. With a lot of self-awareness they've been successful. And they may have been reinforced and doing things that worked for them, but they weren't very conscious. And that's where the whole notion of notion of consciousness comes in. So I said, you know, for any of the work that we do any of the how you show up in life so on and so forth, a good foundational element is being aware aware of how you are. Are you feeling well physically how are you emotionally or you tired or you so self-awareness becomes core? To almost anything that we do humans, particularly in producing outcomes or results are achieving goals. And then the second piece of that oftentimes, they're sort of combined is do I have high wariness of my impact on others. Whenever I say or do anything is my. Impact on others consistent with the intent that I have. And so those are maybe two sides of the same coin, but they're different enough that I felt they needed to be separated. So those three purpose self awareness social awareness than form that foundation. Yes. I I've never heard social that social Ernest being described that way, but it makes so much sense. I mean, everything we do that atmosphere that we create around us, certainly impacts others. We making you know, are we making people comfortable or making them uncomfortable. Are we are we welcoming are we pushing them away? And I think that that is foundational I know that when I was in corporate America, many years ago, I recognized that my energy level could absolutely impact people in when I was down. I recognize that I needed to stay home, rather, you know, might illness was often depletion of energy where if a if a project lost that momentum because I was the one that was weighing down because of something was going on with me that was a problem for us. So I really liked that social awareness, David. That's really a strong idea. The way you are ticketed. There is rate your awareness that your impact on others in groups. Outing so on and so forth. And it could be also as simple as there's research in the book that the impact on others in terms of their satisfaction happiness and general kind of well being is influenced by smiling. And there's some interesting research on that. So yeah, the cell the social wariness piece because we probably all have encountered people that might be sort of stumbling through life doing what they're doing without real knowledge of how did I impact the other person that I was interacting with? Yeah. Absolutely. We're we're often even thinking that we do. I think that thinking is the first step. And then understanding it's probably the later. Step for exactly. Yeah. Awesome. Awesome. So you've got six differentiator hers while you alluded to one before and that's humor. Gratitude is a big one as well. You've got our ticket for impact listening for results connections work ethic, which we also talked about, but then authenticity. Now, David authenticity is often bandied about as oh Lee eaters sales people small business owners you have to be more offensive. So what is authenticity means to you in the context of your book about conscious success? Well, it really is linked to some of those foundational. So I am living mile if her purpose if clear sense of purpose. For example. My purpose is presenting my best self to help individuals and organizations define an achieve their best per. Purpose. So that's my purpose. My personal purpose statement. And it's a it's a good grounding for me to be able to when things go. Well, or even if they don't go well in my work, I can look at that foundational elements say was out and trying to deliver on the purpose. And basically, it just means being your true self not my the the way that I defined. In the book has never wanted to save myself or others true honesty, and the first part of that is the critical piece that I'm not deceiving myself that I'm operating authentically with my purpose with who I am as a person and not trying to be someone that I'm not. And I think some of that also fill came from early learning as I was trying to move up the corporate ladder in a couple of companies, you know, finding myself with any sense of self awareness of and I hit a lot less back, then or at least I'd like to think that today, a finding, you know, examining things after the fact and saying cash sort of an interesting choice that I made there that was some sort of an interesting comment that I made in what was behind that was that because it's truly consistent with what I believe and think or was it something that I. Said out of some sense of insecurity or trying to be someone that I'm not. And so having that sort of awareness becomes sort of guided than the notion that that had to be one of the differentiator 's a the other thing that if you have any sense of social awareness, and you receive feedback from people you find out pretty quickly that people can determine whether you're being offended or not. So it's interesting. I don't think when were are in authentic selves. We don't flew very many people. I don't think. Now, we'll not for very long anyway. Right. I mean, that's the more more exposure to an NFL person leads us to understand that there. Really enough etiquette. Isn't just a a gut feel right? Absolutely. That one of the great quotes that I use the book was, you know, be yourself everyone else's taken. That is a good reminder. Yeah. Absolutely. It is absolutely. It is so with all of those. I mean, we could dive deep on any one of those David. But what's one of the other ones that maybe your most passionate about are? You feel has has driven the most impact in your work or in the work of others. Well, I combined to elements in work ethic and personal responsibility. The work ethic piece again came from learning at a very early age. My father used to tell all three of us kids that. Just so that you can be clear about your future. You know? I work hard your mother works. We're not going to be leaving you millions and millions of dollars. You're going to have to make it on your own. And so work is the way that you'll be able to earn a fair living and cheese, the kinds of things that you may want in life. I naturally, so the whole work ethic. I started at an early age of my the influence for both. My parents was you know, get out and do something even during the summers when I was out of school. It didn't want me sitting around or any of us sitting around inside watching TV in this day and age they're different distractions. But the point was, you know, get on do something. So, you know, from the age of nine or ten I was either mowing lawns or had a paper route. Or I was doing things and the great thing about that. Was it gave me a sense of purpose? And it also really helped me understand the value of money. The value of doing something and getting paid for. For it. So the work ethic piece was was pretty basic the other piece came later in life. The result fellow by the name of Martin route believes Canadian who taught a concept Colt one hundred percent responsibility. And so I learned it after being quite skeptical of for a while. In fact, I went through several workshops where it was taught of as part of my work working for a large consumer products company at work through the Coors Brewing company for fifteen years. And as I was learning this concept and quite honestly resisting early on at one point. There is a there was some sort of an opinion or the page turned. And all of a sudden, I thought this really is real this is not conceptual it works. And it's it's a excellent way to be personally responsible and fundamentally it takes about an hour to go through the whole model. And I describe it in that chapter in the book, but fundamentally the notion is that you are a hundred percent responsible for all the results that you produce in your life and everyone else's zero which is designed to eliminate blaming and justifying and in business as what was most elements life. It's frustrating when you're dealing with others. And results aren't getting produced or things or falling short of what you hope for. And there's often no shortage of excuses or blaming. You know, the reason that I didn't get it done was old Fred, you know, fell down on the job didn't do his part or whatever it might be. But it really resonated with me, the, you know, blaming and justifying is really never a productive behavior. And it really gets in the way of what you're trying to do. So that one probably the work ethic and personal responsibility. Dimension is really important to me. Excellent. Excellent with good stuff. So lots of lots of great stuff in the book the nine dimensions of conscious success. So David you mentioned that your a reader, and you like to read so besides for your book what are couple books that. You've found that's helped shape your thinking or that. Maybe you're looking forward to reading twenty nineteen and beyond. Yeah. Some that. I will read. In couple that I have read one Sean acre is an interesting guys and interesting author, and he wrote ties written several books, and he wrote a book called the happiness advantage, which I was really intrigued by saw him speak. And that that influence me a lot I made big Patrick Lynch Yoni thin and their three that I have read or in the process of reading a number one the five dysfunctions of a team number two the ideal team player number three the advantage. All of them are really great. He's he's quite adept at telling a good story and teaching the lesson at the same time. And you know, there were classics over the years. I remember many years ago reading in search of excellence by Tom Peters. And also then learning for five years later, the the fleeting notion of excellence wins some of the companies that he had highlighted were really struggling. And the not a slam on Tom Peters who was a very successful writer. So a number of things, and I try to mix in, you know, a little fiction with the those kinds of things, but those are some books that have been influenced by of course, Ken Blanchard. The original one minute manager was solid and he has some recent books about health now that are really terrific as well. So those are some of the influences. Awesome awesome. Big Sean anchor fan as well. I had time Peters. Enter talk about his latest book several months ago. Fantastic fantastic guy. Really good insights, even even today that book was written almost forty years ago now in. And even though the tide turned for some of those companies the lessons were critical. It was the lessons that you took out of. And it kind of a kind of speaks to an overarching thing that is important all of us. And that is how do we think how do we think an analyze analytical skills? And how do we look at a situation, and you can see it in a lot of organizations that some people look at the situation and look at it on its surface and say will hear the conclusions. Other people wanna die below the surface and not just look at symptoms, but look at root cause and say what's really causing this somebody many years ago came up with a great model for this that I've used in my work as the five wise that you ask a question and say why is that? And then you ask why again doing that five times gets you to a much deeper level of analysis. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. So leaning on the shoulders of giants is what this book is all about an helping you be more conscious in your success as David says subtitles all about you. So it's the nine dimensions of conscious success. If you wanna check it out more go to conscious success. Does have a lot of S's there so conscious success dot com is the website and David if people have questions or they want to interact with you more their social media channel that you frequent that they can ask questions at we're working with a company now that were certainly prominent or becoming more prominent on Facebook Twitter, we also are launching a new website in January, and we'll be doing a webinar. And if you go to conscious success dot com there's way for people to get a hold of me and get in touch with me through my business DNA worldwide. And the other thing that I would offer here in terms of helping people in their own journey is we've created a an online assessment. So you can go online and take this assessment. And it gives you very quick feedback on each of the nine dimensions. As well. It gives you specific recommendations if you score a little bit lower on one of the items or one of the dimensions gives you recommendations for how you can shore that up and at ties to the action plans at the end of each chapter in the book. Excellent. Excellent. So folks checking conscious success that come get yourself a copy of David's book, get to know, Dave Nielsen. This is great stuff. David. Thank you so much for spending some time with us today. Phil thank you for creating the opportunity wish you the best in twenty nineteen and good luck with the three actions steps that you've got there for twenty nineteen. Thank you very much. It'll be fading year. Thanks, david. Thank you very much.

David Dr Ken Blanchard phil executive bowl Utah San NFL Tom Peters Facebook depression Tom Brokaw Maine engineer America Covey Ernest Rogers Martin
493 Let Your Organization Thrive With Mindfulness; 15Five CEO David Hassell

Mindfulness Mode

30:20 min | 1 year ago

493 Let Your Organization Thrive With Mindfulness; 15Five CEO David Hassell

"Mindfulness mode four ninety three now having any sense right yeah about culture values mission purpose. I just wanted to build. Something meeting makes reach new heights of calm focus and happiness right here on mindfulness mode with me your host and mindfulness life life. Coach Bruce Lankford. Hey Mindful tribe today. We're going to be talking about mindfulness and business and before we do. I want to tell you about a website. That really has been awesome. It's a place where you can get URL addresses and we all need those kinds of addresses for for our business like mindfulness mode dot com. That's one of the ones I got there. And it's such a great place because if you have problems understanding how this whole works to get your websites going you can Phone them they have telephone support if you need it it's hover dot com. Hov He are and you can help. Mindfulness mode out by using our affiliate link and getting a discount for yourself go to mindfulness mode dot dot com forward slash hover. Now we're GONNA go right into the interview and so just sit back relax and enjoy Loyd. Today's interview with my special guest about mindfulness and business. Hey Hey everybody we're here to talk about business. We're here to talk about life in the business world and or fortunate because we have David Hassle with us. Hey Hey David. Are you in mindfulness mode today. I am mindfulness mode today. Bruce Crazy here. That's great. Yeah it's good to have you with us. David Hassle is a business. KALYMNOS IS SPEAKER IS A serial entrepreneur. WHO believes that when leaders institute cultural practices that support each person in being and becoming their bestself high performance an uncommon loyalty naturally result as co founder and CEO of a company called fifteen five and? That's one five and then F. I v. e. fifteen five David and his team has have developed industry leading continuous performance management software and the best self management methodology it helps organizations create environments where people can truly thrive and put their unique strengths and talents to work in service of emission. They believe in so. It's great what you've put together with your company fifteen five. I can't wait to talk about it but tell me. What does mindfulness mean to you? David David it's interesting reflecting on what you just shared about fifteen five and our mission and how we do business a little bit differently. None of that is even possible. Won't even come up with without a sense of mindfulness. I don't think anything I don't think anything new Shirley invented less your present state in present state of mind. Fine you have this opportunity to put things together has stroke of insight. Have a desire at all these things that lead to great new outcomes and I think come from mindfulness and for me it means first and foremost a sense of presence and detachment from the thoughts. What's about the past and the thoughts about the future? You know kind of worrying about the future regretting past or getting caught up in these stories this that our brains just naturally send us into. I think there's an opportunity when you become mindful to not only become present. Those thoughts are and have a little bit of a detachment from them but also to be aware of what's actually going on around you not through the Lens of what you expect what you think you're GonNa see and now all awesome great things. Well when was it that came to you that you could help employees and other companies and how did you move to that place yes question. I was a computer engineer by by schooling in in college and it had had a bit of an entrepreneurial streak going back to my grade. School years always wanted to know. I wanted to start something and when I graduated from college I didn't really have an opportunity. That pointer didn't have a clear idea of what I would go for. Suicide went out and join. The big consulting company only lasted. There are ten months it was not the end of nineteen ninety nine. The DOT COM boom was really happening in. I ended up leaving starting a company in the Ad Tech Space in New York City. Not having any any sense right yet about culture values mission purpose. I just wanted to build something. Maybe makes money as a young kid and I learned the hard way years. Here's into it realizing that my business partner and I had very very different values. Not that his were bad or wrong. It's just a different valley. Matt actually created a lot of conflicts and so there was an insight there along the way. Join this group. Called the Entrepreneurs Organization E. L. and started interacting with lots of different business owners. Learning how to run businesses. Got Exposed opposed to people like Tony Shay to talk about the importance of cultures. CEO's apples and in along that journey. I also met a guy named Simon Acidic is now become very famous book. Start with why and number so. Simon admitted a couple of years before that happens when For his now famous his Ted talk and I was moved to tears by his message. He was talking about how you know you really could find this sense of deeper purpose in your work right and when it came cames time to start fifteen five hours clear that from my past experience that there was a likely scenario that I'd be working on this decade or more Erie. are that a decade. So I was right and I didn't want to be stuck in something that wasn't fulfilling along the way and wasn't making a significant meaningful impacted people's lives so those are table stakes. Furry and inside that exploration I was reflecting on on the areas where I struggled as an employee or where where I grown soon. What what I thought was possible for business in wanted to create a company that stood for completely different new paradigm where businesses dry because they support the people in thriving not at the expense of now? My hypothesis was that we're now very very different. Age than a lot of the ways businesses operate which are holdovers holdovers from the industrial revolution. We think about our businesses as machines in the people in the mascots we think about people has resources which if you look up the definition the resource they say it's something that can be transformed into value but in the process may be consumed tomato bell. Right we burn up resources and actually most companies burn up people all right well. That doesn't seem to really jive with the way I see the world going because what companies now need is not hard working cheap labor could follow a script. They need people who are lit up who are passionate who are creative and those things do come from the way. We're managing people. So I thought we could create a different paradigm companies would be far far more successful. And so we're now we had this life. This is ten years ago today. You know the company's growing extremely fast at we've proven it out for ourselves and we're continuing enter better delivering that experience to our customers agree. Give you an example. This year alone grew from seventy two hundred and eighty five. We've maintained a straight five star rating glass door with almost eighty reviews. which I think is on? We've had only five people voluntarily leave. The company and ninety seven seven percent of our employees. Say they're edit versions of themselves for having worked at our company best year dot is awesome. That must make you feel just fantastic. It's definitely a source of the pride. Yeah and I think that again. That wouldn't have come without my own deep introspection right in a sense of mindfulness in practice of meditation that for for a number of years. And I think for what we're doing we're calling companies become more mindful question. Why are they doing things? Certain in things. In in terms of leadership and management most of them are just doing it. Because that's the way it's already been discounted the opposite at Michael's where your company is called fifteen five one five live F. I v. e. dot com so you can check it out fifteen five dot com. But where did that name come from. Yes so it was interesting in the early days. It was a a placeholder name I actually was looking for the name of company. Okay in it actually comes from a very simple business practice that we learned founder. Patagonia gone yet basically popularized. They learned from Doug Tompkins he founded north face spree where they'd have every employees in the company's been fifteen minutes leak writing a report takes manager no more than five minutes. Three is a very simple communication canes. Yvonne claim that it was. Is this practice. That allowed him to actually only work half ear and be out in the Field Climbing Mountains surfing the rest of the time and so I thought well if not digging grow company like Patagonia work in half half the year using this practice. I have a feeling some other. CEO's WanNa know about this offer sure so we started telling people you're implementing this little fifteen five practice in Employee Management Software. And I was looking for the right name the company but I meet people two or three months later and they were like Oh has the fifteen thing going remember. This thing of the name of the story were very sticky so we ran with it and you know today if we go to conference logos bright orange. Roy's he's number one in the list. So it's it's pretty well in terms of unintended consequences on the name. Oh that's great. That's great tell us a story about accompany or an organization that you've helped through your work. Yeah great question so company Organization help through our work that there was a company that we started out very very early with well. I should say this. So there were a number of companies that we essentially designed the products in partnership with the very kind of different way Doing product development and I went onto a bunch of people in my network comfortable headsets dot com faith on our early supporters. Another we call. CNC hotels very different businesses were probably a dozen businesses. Misses the physical therapy company in San Francisco and we went out there and we. I started working with them and having them try this out right and then coming back to us and saying like well here are the results and it was really in partnership with that we were able to figure out the things that worked in the things that and then as we grew we essentially started building the product for ourselves. The results that I share the fifteen five is achieve. Were were achieved in part. I what we built to date and in part by our leadership and management practices pisses me call me now called best self manage. So it's the counter chip or mismanagement. We say we support people in being becoming our best cells than you get forms loyalty and now what we're doing doing is we're continuing to evolve our philosophy in taking that philosophy alongside the product and delivering that through education and teaching and United Services. I would you say your philosophy has evolved in the last year. Oh it's really interesting because I think that it's evolved quite a bit. We I would say that we. We started out more with an intention than philosophy so we started out with this idea. How could we support people really reaching achieving essential and a lot of the things that we do a little bit different than in other companies for example like every Monday Wednesday Friday mornings? We would get the entire company together a thirty minute. All hands meetings Monday and Wednesday were specifically a business related and Mondays chief culture officer leads. Ain't gratitude meditation the two minutes and then we go into more business rains at topics on Wednesday. We have what's called meditation. Master is chosen for months. And that person guys the entire company. Auburn eighty-five people through a five minute meditation and we get to meditate and then on Friday's meeting doesn't have a business firms. It's called question Friday and we're someone. Someone poses a question. I get a month to do that. And everybody goes around and shares personal experiences with one another now too big to do that in one room but we slid into breakout Akao roads and so we do these things we would offer meditation and breathing classes offer classes on personal finance things that we felt like people needed to know in in order to be living great lives and doing great work. Some of our core values were cultivate healthy by talapity embrace freedom and flexibility in grant trust and be transparent. You Yeah so a lot of this stuff we were. We were kind of just doing from net intention. In the last couple of years we started to codify it. We started to kind of map all of the science that acts so what we do looking at positive psychology looking at NASLUND's work in a lot of leading social science research. We dragged her people science and then only just in the last three months where we're able to start to categorize what are the key pillars that accompany that they want to adopt this way of thinking. What are the key pillars? They would need to know in order to put this. In fact in `self piece which is focusing on the individuals happens to only just one of the pillars. We actually realized it starts. Yes with an organization creating what we call has powerful shared context right so you have to have. That's where your core purpose your mission your vision your values come in. But it's also things like agreements. Also things like the amount of psychological safety in company the amount of trust that exists principles operating principles. All all those kinds of things anything that you would kind of find like this is what we do in how we do it then from there. Yes you want to focus on people being becoming your best cells which is supporting them in having reflected mindfulness practices helping them identify their strengths. So they can continue to work on those engro automating a growth mindset things like that but then we also realize that it's not enough just to have our whole context in the south. You also need to support. People in cultivating will be called Relational Ministry. They need to be able to operate because we don't exist. Existed vacuum everything that gets done is through collaboration coordination with people and so if left to their own devices people relating skills that most people learned earn their families their business society tend to have people end up in conflict or misunderstandings and and starting to build resentment which lead to blame and you end up drama in politics resentment playing. Those are the kind of normal things in organizations. In the antidote to fat is to actually learn higher order relating skills more self-awareness more empathy. More gratitude had a connect with someone from a place of assuming remain positive intent delivering truth with kindness. You know there's a number of principles the week of August so when you put those two things together. Creating powerful shared context support focused on the individual bestself in then cultivate relational mastery. Those three things together can help somebody create an environment that really as people. You just naturally thrive and we're building out a lot of education inside each ones so I know gratitude is a very important aspect of this too. Why do do you feel? Gratitude is so tremendously important. Yeah well I think that we are. Generally human beings are really are wired heard very well naturally defined and look for what's wrong. It's just the way it goes and the evolutionary reason for it. It's you know wanted we want US keep ourselves safe right however if you don't actively work on training the other side of that which is actually looking for what's going well I then you can get into a negative story about your life. Your Co workers your work. That isn't really. The whole reality is often often far more for us to radically grateful for than we realize. Read in front nose in what I love. Some of the GRADS. Meditations do Mondays. Because it'll be as simple as we're going to spend two minutes reflecting on how incredible it is you can turn. The TAP on. Water comes in the in the grand scheme of human history. That is like profound right right. Not mentioned we're standing here in different cities over video connection recording. PODCASTS are flying through an airplane by five Mrs. It's crazy. That is crazy what life is and I think the humans including myself have an unbelievable capacity to take for granted like something new and profound comes down. We've got these laptops in iphones and incredible technology in our pockets walking around everyday and we just we don't even think about how incredible it's because it's new for a moment it goes normal and then we look for what's wrong and so when we cultivate more positive mindset in a gratitude minds that it it does shift the brain chemistry allows us to be more creative more relaxed more connected and if you look at some of the research around. That's Great Ted talk by a guy named Sean Acre who is a psychologist at our university and he talks about how the brain is a positive versus negative neutral stress. All performance indicators. Here's rise creativity. Intelligence performance positive business outcomes so it's a real key piece. Yeah well I want to ask you about your own personal personal meditation practice. What does that look like? Yeah so I started meditating almost exactly ten years ago in hers before that had been interested. Yeah I remember. I remember getting a book by John Cabinets in wherever you go there you are bursting tune. Turn me on some of these concepts and it was the end of two thousand nine that that I started practice at that time. It was just a seven-minute daily practice. which the time seemed like attorney but a very very quickly went into doing these hour long meditations for three or four month period where I was using technology from a company called centerpoint those beats and and that really shifted some things in a big way I I noticed that I I was more present connected with equal and I had ever experienced? I wasn't stressed by normal stressors life and on and off since then I've had a variety Heidi of different practices that have typically celled onward. Like a twenty minute audie presence breath presents practice where I just connect to my breasts and they notice there are sounds or emotions thoughts. Look at them. You know a label them as okay. I'm thinking back to my breath. The bill back connection. I often tell people that all of these sensations and things whether it's a thought or emotion or sounds tend to pull our awareness. We haven't awareness and that we have those thoughts emotions and for most people are just coupled. Thought you're wearing. This goes with the emotion. Your and my practice of meditation simply trying to pull that awareness delay the thoughts and I find that allows me to become more present in the moment when I'm with my team with six year. Old Son at allows me to be self introspective introspective in self reflective. Ah last few years however definitely had an on off relationship with it you know. My son was born in the first few years. My mornings were no longer under my control right alarm clock. You can't snooze in my meditation time when I first wake up in the morning was challenged. Were recently way to get out of bed. And if I'm home alone with my son you know tell him and he'll give me the space that or we'll do a one minute meditation together. I might be like if you'll come sit on my lap and just just a quiet. The next practice looks like you were once named by Forbes is magazine is the most connected man you don't know. Have you always been connected. Were you that kind of a kid. I think I was always the kind of kid who don't a lot of connections. I always if you think back on it looking back in high school or even in grammar school I knew everybody and I I think the downside of that was I never really chose my people so for example in in high school football players. I was on the swim team Drama folks and I was like kind of part of all those groups I you know I could easily flowed between groups and no everybody and then I had a very small number of really really close friends and so because I something about like to connect to the monitor from people unable Curious I can go a lot of different places in terms of conversation superstation. That's been around since I was since I was young. If you didn't have the company fifteen five right now what other type of work would you choose to do. Yeah I've thought about that. And I I think one thing I think I would enjoy doing is working with emerging entrepreneurs who have a combination combination of purpose and a profit motive. WanNa go out and build companies that we'll be financially successful yes but are also can have deeper purpose that make an impact so working on the side of coaching. Those folks helping to invest their capital entrepreneurs. That's focused on interesting David. I've worked in bullying prevention for a long time so I always ask a question about that but bullying. Is there a story you can share with us about bullying where mindfulness would have made a difference. Well you know it's interesting. I was thinking about this recently and I wasn't really bullied so much as a child myself. I had one small incidents that I don't think I don't think it would've made a difference in that case but I have a six year. Old Son is a little bit small offers age and we were just at a soccer practice. Just this past Friday and it was. It was last soccer practice of the season. And he's on a team with not only the seventy year old. Healy just turned six but he happens to be a smaller. Six year old. He came to me afterwards. Feeling a little dejected. You said the kids his remains you know saying that he was four and you know and he said I guess it's because I'm sure you could see it was really impacting his and psyche and I was able to. You know really. Just sit down and help him to get a little space from the feeling of of upset in shame and Because they could see he was. He was lying to withdraw from the team. We were able to kind of talk about. Maybe what was going on there and you know one cents. That's what he could say in a situation where saloons saying something to him that he doesn't like it sounds like how he can relate to it. I what he can shoes shoes. Choose to leave or I into our as acted by some of these things and and he had a really good dialogue and he was able to go back out and and I think he felt confident to you know to basically say no if if that situation came up again. That's a great story. Thanks for sharing that we move forward in the interview. David I WANNA ask you five quick answer questions so just thirty. Second answers are perfect. I one is who is one person who has sort of influenced mindfulness in your life. It's a great question my son's mom when we met in two thousand nine in twenty ten then. We have had a mindfulness practice together. We also did Some some education same time together and I feel like you know that relationship was something living where mindfulness was a value and helps cultivated entrenched Malik. How has mindfulness affected your emotions? Gosh well I know that. I have akin's now. I think that I didn't realize how much anxiety I used to carry around till who I started to get some space and freedom from it. I when I think through a lot of that meditation. That's out in two thousand ten. I started feeling a lot more open and unless worried nations and it was only in in in the rear view mirror I was able to save at actually was gripped them so I feel like it. It has definitely given me the space to notice like if I'm having emotion that I can do things I feel into it more deeply where I can breathe. Either I can. I can get some space from it if I need and speaking of breathing. Can you elaborate on that. How is breathing part of your mindfulness practice? Oh it's a huge part art in a variety of breathing techniques that I think are both modern. Mindfulness coaches as well. As a variety of ancient lineages ages have put attention on the power of breath. And I think first and foremost you know when you when you breathe in a certain way. You're taking deep breaths and you are also breathing in a way where you're inhales. Direct sales may be longer the union also at least equal. Either you start a trigger comparison pathetic it turns is out where we go into fighter. Flight mood tend to be very very shallow. A impacts are neuropathy Allah Jenner. Algae certainly makes us ready to be able to move very quickly Iran for filled with adrenaline. If there's actually a fighter flight type situation but can also cloud are engaging in hijacker jacker thinking frankly and so if we start to to use the breath to breathe more deeply bring ourselves back into a calm state we get more global awareness so over over whatever situation David. Is there a book. You could recommend that's related to mindfulness. I would say there are two ones right behind you the power of now. Nellie Oh yeah yeah certainly class second favorite and in the first attorney Hans. Mindfulness years before I started my practice was a book by John Cabinets. In wherever were you go there you are. And he had some great guidance in there I think one of the challenges a Lotta people get when they first start meditating. They think they're supposed to be able to stop this off. They can't do that to give up museum Badass. That's kind of like saying well shoot. I thought I could start. Stop my heart beating and I just GONNA give up. You know you could slow your heart down the lower resting heart rate through exercise. You can certainly slow your thoughts down. You're not gonNA stop them and so the point is more about like John Cabot Zinin that he gave Brady analogy. You're in this river. And Meditations like you get out of the river is sure and wash them and so. That's just one of one of the things that I often. Caution people ought to get the wrong idea expectation absolutely yeah John Cabot Zinn is a great communicator for sure. Is there an APP that you could tell us about the can help with mindfulness a couple that I know that are very popular. Heads facing calm I think to most op. You're always used. I used Insight timer from the early days when it was just a gong now they have a bunch of interesting things in the community and whatnot. I love inside Aymer. I love the contact patients in an internally fifteen five. We've also been using something called meditation to live which we bought subscriptions for employees. I think they're more corporate focus but that's a great APP. Saw Okay good to know. We'll put that in our show notes at mindfulness mode dot com so check out the show notes and checkout checkout fifteen five dot com one five. FIV fifteen five dot com. Is there any place else. We should connect with you to learn more warble what you do David. Yeah I would say if you if you love if you like the best self management concept which is best hyphen south in the idea of focusing on managing people to be their best cells not aw for performance performance by products. We've got a great new podcast. Fifteen five dot com slash podcast also got logged. We talk a lot about these things on fifteen. If I got home slash blog can also follow me on twitter at the astle the H. A. S. S. e. l. l.. Yeah Actually I. I've enjoyed your podcast. Yes I've leading into some of the episodes and I've enjoyed it very much Really interesting conversations you have on there. Yeah I would highly recommend yet checking out the podcast as well so David. It's been great having you on the show. Thank you so much for being here. I really really enjoyed it. Thank you okay all the best to you by now. Thanks so much for joining us today on mindfulness mode for show notes for every episode GIECO. Mindfulness Mode Dot Com and type the guest's name or the episode number into the search bar. You can also go mindfulness mode dot com slash. Whatever episode number you like? If have you enjoyed this podcast. You could help us out by subscribing to mindfulness mode. Wherever you listen whether it's on I tunes or stitcher the Google play spotify so many places you can hear a mindfulness mode so hit subscribe and share because that truly helps helps our show own a reminder of what I said at the top of the show of a buying? URL's buying website addresses go to hover dot dot com Hov E. R.. And use this code. Well it's just an address that will take you directly there so you can get two dollars off off your next purchase. Go to mindfulness mode dot com forward slash hover so remember subscribing and sharing helps keep mindfulness mode on on the air till next time my tribe us what we learned today to reach new heights of calm focus and happiness. Stay in the mode

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How To Create A Company That Amplifies The Health Of Its Employees  Vishen Lakhiani

The Mindvalley Podcast with Vishen Lakhiani

1:07:27 hr | 1 year ago

How To Create A Company That Amplifies The Health Of Its Employees Vishen Lakhiani

"When you have strong social connections when you create them you create happiness and this happiness and the social connections together seem to create the eight longevity emissions kiani founder of Mine Valley the School for Human Transplantation? You're listening to the minor league. podcast where we'll be bringing you. The greatest teachers is an thought leaders on the planet discussed the world's most powerful ideas and personal growth. Mind Body Spirit and welcome to the mind. podcasts our guest speaker today is going to be me. I'm going to be showing you a local talk. I shed at a fest Sunday. which was focused on the concept of human longevity so if as festival I put on once to twice every year and last year in two thousand eighteen it happened in Sardinia? which will any of you who are fans of ideas of longevity? No studying is one of the blue zones of the world. It's a place where people live. Welling to the hundreds and scientists have been studying places like Saudi Arabia and Okinawa to try to understand what makes people live so long so we held a festival day on the topic of longevity. We had remarkable speakers from Ben Greenfield veal to stop. The Harry Adelson stem cell pioneer to J. Shetty and it was a wonderful event now. mytalk this event was on how to create workspaces assists that promote longevity. I'm obsessed with the idea that work can transform individuals that work should not extract from us but add to us and make us younger fitter happier. I believe that in an ideal workplace when you leave at five. PM You go hold your kids and family. You're not tired yawning the juvenile it. 'cause you just out of a place of here. How do we turn a workplaces spots? So I started experimenting with this at mind over the last several two years. You'd have some remarkable results for example one of the most unique things. Is that a lot of people who join a company. Within the first year end up shutting between five tin kilo grabs. That's about ten to twenty pounds. They ended up running in training for thought and races to end up looking. Better dressing. Better coming healthy. Taking on a meditation practice highly conscious of what they eat and they end up forming close friendships with the other people in the company. As a result we've been able to create a company that's growing at a really rapid rate SORTA normally in our industry of attack. Almost every other company in our industry has had to race we city to a hundred plus million dollars worth of venture capital to get to the level of revenue that at at that level of revenue on power with many of the leading Ed tech companies that we'd about in silicon valley journals. But we did so without raising any venture capital. We did so by creating attack of culture that turns people into superhumans and soup opponents. So what are you GONNA learn in. This talk is some of the firms we can running owning it. Mind Valley that you can bring to your company and we're GONNA be talking about some key principles that we bring in principle such as posited optimism the signed nine of ensuring that the dominant state in someone's mind a stage positively number two signs of connection. How do we create the Boston connection? Action among the people in your office and you work with number three healthy give meaning in wine meaning is so important because welby number number four how to create a growth mindset with people put themselves in perpetual cycle. wrote a number five the power of getting. You'll be learning out all of these Old and we'll be discussing research from Harvard. Psychologist Sean. Acre yields colleges to go by Gallup Harvard University as well as insights heights from legends. Mike Richard Branson he will and more so. This talk became so popular. I was asked to write a book about the book based on the ideas in this talk. It's all the Buddha and the bad ass and it will be published by Penguin Random House. It's a big coming out in May twenty twenty so stay humor for that the Buddha and the Badass now some of you may want to watch this talk because I share. Gosh I share some two hundred seventeen slides in it. A lot of this stuff is better explained. Visually you can find this on the mind. Valley Talks Youtube Channel defined on Youtube put into search straight vision. amplifies A. M. P. L. I. F. I. E. S. The exact name of the Talkin Youtube is how to create a company that amplifies the health of its employees. And now let's let's get started under the Kiani and this is the mind Bali podcast so episode of the creative process which means that. I always ask my team to give me an hour slot at the end and I'll have a presentation prepared and had a presentation which I've been giving to the past couple of months in billion dollar companies around the world but what I realized that as I was at this over the last ask four days talking to you guys. That thing that people kept asking me was not so much about health it was about community it was about the fact that the key to longevity if you look at a lot of the Blue Zone studies has to do not so much with just your health practices but your social practices and I realized that we haven't spent enough time discussing that here at the safest so I work last night. Which is why I was late to the party? Work this morning to completely create a new type of presentation and this presentation edition emerged from questions from you guys from insights from some of the people here at Eighth Jedi for example. When we were talking he said you know vision? They are two types of longevity. It's about the years in your life but it's also about the life in your years now if you look at the Blue Zone. Data on Sardinia this was an article from USA Today. This is the oldest people in the world. Here's their secret and they think about a lot of things from moderate consumption of alcohol to goat cheese but the biggest biggest thing is apparently this it has to do with how these people are coming together being religious or spiritual and reason for that is because when you're religious or spiritual you're coming together together in a church in a temple having a life purpose and an interesting thing about life purposes often it relates to other people when you have grandkids when you have family it gives you purpose then you have older and younger people living together again there. It's really obvious to see the aspects of longevity derived from you have extended families and healthy social networks. Now not all of this you can easily bring to the Western world. For example in America people tend to live as nuclear families. Once you hit the age of twenty five or beyond. You don't typically have your parents living with you but how can we still create these really effective structures richest so that along jeopardy can be about the years in our life and the life in your ears. But what's funny about. What Jay said is that longevity is about the years of your life and the like in your ears but both relate to each other the life in your years seems to increase your wellness and thus the years in in your life? Now what I want to talk about here is how can we create these structures in our own atmosphere in our own environment that add life to why years true human connection now. What is the biggest area of life almost all few by Merson other than in your family that creates human connection? It has to do with your company all of you. Spend seventy percent of your waking hours at work it's a rough metric but seventy percent is where we spend our waking hours at work now. Of course they exceptions to that. When you're on maternity or paternity you might be off work for a while? But in general most people people over here are spending seven waking hours at work. How can we structure work to infuse us with the wellbeing and the health benefits and the happiness happiness and to life two years so that we live longer? So we've been doing that at Mine Valley for a while and I wanted to share with you some principal. Some ideas risk that you guys can take home and apply to your own company. One of the unique things about mind values that we have a really really really tight t and this team comes from. Aw some right now. Forty nine different countries. We just hide a first employees from Iraq. MIJAS Haida first employees from Uganda so the list keeps growing growing and growing and growing and one of the reasons for it is because of how we structure the company. We believe that work shouldn't just be about getting things done. Work should view happiness. It should feel joy. It's reflected in the office basis and then you put all of this together. A really interesting thing happens. We get so many people applying to the company. I need that we've actually had to say no resumes. We say. Look if you want to apply to join the team give us a video cover letter and then we scan these video couple lettuce we get one hundred and fifty applications every week and choose maybe one out of two hundred from these beautiful powerful human beings who are so enthusiastic about joining the team. They affectively created three minute video. Put it up on Youtube to talk about why they want to be part of our mission to change education so we spend seventy percent of our working hours. I at work. Why shouldn't work be the healthiest most communal happiest multiple filling time of our lives? How can we engineer that? So Oh that this idea goes to every single person. Who's part of your team and when you do that? I believe what happens is magic happens. Your company starts taking up more than that you create loyalty you attract the best people and you and everyone else starts living longer. So I'm fascinated did with the application of these ideas to companies because if you look at the studies out there. Fifty four percent of Americans according the Gallup say they dislike their jobs and if you look at the studies out there most people their jobs make them sicker because of the stress because of being side. And then there's another phenomenon that's emerging right now and that is the scourge of loneliness loneliness is up three hundred percent fifty percent of. CEO's does say they are lonely and loneliness. Doctors say is worse for your health than smoking and obesity. So so think about that. If you're lonely that's like basically having an addiction to cigarettes. It's like being obese. It has that dramatic effect on your your lawn jeopardy and your wellbeing so what I want to share here are five keys. Where if you are the CEO if you are the owner of the company these five keys help you add life to your ears does help you live longer? They helped push away that aspect of loneliness. They help make your job more happy more fun but the side effect these five five keys also influence everyone in your sphere. Now these apply whether you're running a team a community they could apply to a school event. If you are teachers they could apply to service. Companies ticket apply small businesses. It doesn't matter if you have a large team a small team if you're solo and making your first higher of your building any sort of tribe so feel free go to these ideas to flat out what you want. Stick it in your company or your start up or maybe you run a school. You try applying these there if you have any form of tribe do you have your own conference try sticking these ideas there now. There are so many ideas and because I put this presentation in the last twenty four hours. I couldn't really decide what what would the best ones so I went through a list of twenty two best practices. I put them into five categories. And I'M GONNA share as many as I can with you. We won't go through all twenty two. We'll the GO-TO around eleven. Now I go fast. There's a lot of slides in this a lot of ideas. You don't have to capture in Master or eleven if you get three of these and you apply three of these company these could create a remarkable shift. There's one particular idea here studied by Harvard. That suggest it can cost as much as fifty percent boost in revenue and it takes two minutes now in my Book Dakota Extraordinary Mind I talk about this concept called rules Bruce Bullshit rules that we adopt to simplify understanding of the world so human beings. I like lemmings. There's actually a study on this common medics and social conditioning because the world is so complex to understand the world we look at other human beings. We see how they're acting and we took them so the first guy who comes and sits in a beanbag creates an emulation model for other people to come in Baker beanbag but it happens a lot with like this well and so often we emulate other things that other companies are doing. Even if they don't don't make any sense so here what we're GonNa do is I'm going to ask you guys to discount some of your ideas on how should work. Think about perks right. Forget that think about employees. Forget that I'm going to suggest later on that. Employees ship is going to become obsolete. Think about company culture in. Forget that because we're going to shift what we you mean by company culture think about what is appropriate workplace behavior and. Toss that out the window. What I WANNA do is attempt to rethink work? As if there were no establish tablet bullshit rules that we have to choose from an approach work from the perspective of how can we lead productive lives but in that seventy seventy percent of our waking hours. Make that the happiest most fulfilling most exciting and most life-affirming points of our life. So I want you to know that there are a couple of minutes that we I have to discard and the mid is. It's not gonNA work for me. My business too small on my country is different or or the culture you know in my office is just never going to shift. Everything can shift with time. So what I thought I'd show you because if you have seen the glossy aspects of mind body I'm GonNa show you what at those aspects. Look like brief four five sometimes ten years before the ship happen so that idea. It's not gonNA work for me. Just put that aside site for a moment so when you think about mind. Firstly we have a remarkable team. That's the team that puts on eight fest right remarkable team. We put on these massive conferences. Amazing people come. From all around the World Five Star resort incredible speakers like J. Shetty and Ben Greenfield but if you go back fifteen years ago in two thousand three. That was me running my seminar business. I was in New York. You can see I could barely afford pants the table and share that I'm working on I'd basically salvage from the street because beautiful thing about New York neighborhoods. I lived in Hell's kitchen from that name itself. You can tell what the neighborhood is like Hell's kitchen people when they were done with Bernie Chua. They'd just put them out in the street. Side and and other friendly neighbors would adopt that phony so that is an iky table. It's called the lack table even the name of table symbolize this lack of abundance. I kid you not. That table is actually quality lack l.. Go Sweden the chair. Likewise I found it on the street and what I was doing that Dennis. I was teaching meditation classes so I would teach one class every month to around twenty to thirty people that was that I did that for five years. Five years there was no. Oh idea of what would eventually be. But that's where it started. And it was just me and Christina five years teaching these meditation classes and a good weekend. I'll make three Graham. That said three GRANITZ. Nothing in New York but I loved it. It was passion. And that's the first step and you love what you do. It's easier get to stay with it and continue growing it now. That is how a fest really started. That is how I actually started becoming a teacher. Now here's another picture that's Mine Valley. L. E. T. today remarkable team forty nine different countries represented. And that's just team in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia by the way quality of developing countries so from the developing country. No Damn excuse you can do this too. That is our team. Though in two thousand five you can tell how old that picture is from the MAC on the best. I don't know why we are posing books and binders. Maybe make us look more intelligent. This is the hall of Awesomeness. We have our own auditorium in the hottest neighborhood in Kuala poor when when a new employee joins the take what is called awesomeness on a statue up. Wonder Woman that's the auditorium now seats one hundred and fifty people. We've had world leaders come and visit it but that's the auditorium ten years ago. You can see that guy is taking an awesomeness on. A custom design. Wonder Woman Statue. That's basically a souvenir urban your product. I brought from a market in Greece and painted to look like wonder woman you can see our whiteboard and projector basically the same thing and the plant behind my but has precisely precisely eight leaves. We couldn't afford a plant with more than eight leaves so again you gotTa start somewhere right. That is our office officers win awards. They are beautiful pieces of interior design. That's our office that we opened up in twenty twelve inspired by Jules Verne and stint. That's office in two thousand five just seven years earlier you can see. That four lady is using a couch as the chair and her chair as the table. I don't know what was going on there. Maybe lack tables chairs. Maybe we just didn't know the proper way it works. That's a Christmas card. We sent our authors in two thousand twelve. That was the Christmas cut in two thousand. I had no one in the team so I adopted a dog from Australia an cap that we got from a shelter in New York. Rest them up. My cat still hasn't forgiven me and that was the Christmas got. That's our kitchen in diner. Beautiful space where people come in Cook together and make healthy Alcatraz shakes together a diner. Back in two thousand five was basically table with the best three and one coffee in packets that you can buy from Nestle amazing stuff. So what I'm trying to get at is that we all start somewhere and being sucky and being small is okay because as long as you have in mind. That's focused on where you want to get to. You will start involving and the problem with most businesses and most entrepreneurs this that they are so obsessed with the current reality. Forget to dream they forget to think dipped to create these visions that pull them in their team forward. That's one of the things we wanNA talk about that. The five keys the five keys to shifting this culture in your company this positive optimism connection meaning growth mindset. And giving. Now we're GONNA go a little bit deeper in each of these five keys. I'm going to share with you. A number of different practices actresses. Let's start with the first one. Okay positive optimism. Now you may wonder. Why didn't I put happiness? Why positive optimism and not happiness sauce talking to Jason Proud crowd last night over dinner? I was just asking people. So Jason is the guy who did the documentary longevity and asking him what's the deal with happiness and as we were talking and I was gathering insights heights. I realized that a lot of US get confused by state changes and stage changes states and stages states and stages. Let me explain. Happiness is a state change. You can be sad one day you can be happy the next day happiness goes up and down and that's okay and if you listen to Christine talk from a few days back. She said that truly wise people know that it's not about getting rid of sadness because they are days days when we want to feel sad when we need to feel sad we wanNA baskin that sadness but it's a state change should change us now. Positive optimism on the other hand is a stage solution positive. Optimism means that you realize that the world is going to be okay that everything is going to work out in the end even have temporary pain with your abilities with your beliefs with your mindset. You can overcome so it is not the rejection of sadness but the thought even during sadness the future will be okay and this is from Christina. The differences happiness is misleading. Happiness is a state change. You can go in that state you can go go out of that state. We get obsessed Christina says to chase that state all the time. It's not right but positive. Optimism is an awakening a transformational schnell awakening. That you can basically choose to eventually overcome now. Why is this important right? I realized that when you find people with positive optimism they end up being the best people in your team. So there's this famous story about Zig Ziglar and nobody knows if this is true but it was was written about in shared many times and it doesn't matter if it is true. The moral of the story is really powerful so zig ziglar was famous motivational speaker. WHO died a couple of years back? He went to a company I mean he assembled all the managers and he said look. I want you to tell me what are the qualities of your best employees and the managers like they push fought for four Hours he wrote on the Whiteboard all these qualities and he reached a hundred in seven different qualities. Then he pressed on he's like no guys go on for one more hour and they reached one hundred and fourteen so now they had one hundred and fourteen qualities of good employees. He went to each of these qualities and he put an S. for skill or in a for attitude skill or attitude. Now here's the point. He was trying to make when everything was done. What they've found is is that about a hundred of those qualities were attitude and fourteen skills skills meaning good programmer? Great counted attitude was. They're always happy. He's so helpful. He always likes them idea because he comes to work with a smile he gives the best hug. It is so focused on his work that it gets done. No matter what the distraction he's inspiring so you guys see the difference but the problem is most most of us. Don't think we're building our teams do we. So what Zig was trying to say is that you want to always hire for attitude and train for skill hire for attitude to train for skill. This was one of the biggest mistakes I made. When I was starting out I would hire really skillful assaults and then they would just mess up the company but the problem with that is when these skillful asshole start messing up the company and bringing bickering and politics and winding it depletes the energy of everyone else so so what we started doing is hiring attitude? Hiring for people want to be around and those people when they have positive optimism they are continuously growing so even if they are not a ten out of ten for ski might be a seven out of ten to an eight out of ten. I'm not saying hire the one on the tennis right but what happens. Is those seven out of ten. Within six months they are are a ten out of ten. And it's a bonus bringing you that right attitude as well so if you look at all the teams in mind valley the people in mind valley tend to have amazing attitude that you one of the things that a lot of guys told me in the last couple of days you love meeting the Mind Valley people. They were helpful. They were kind. You could tell that. They loved their jobs. They loved hugging each other. And everyone else. It's because attitude is what we're going for the skilful assholes we try to eliminate them fast as we can now. That was the first idea. Yeah so the thing. I want you to write down this hire for attitude train for skill before you start creating your tribe you have to nurture your try and you've got to fine line and plant the right seeds and the right seeds will create the culture that eventually encapsulates your trip now when that culture is strong are you can take someone who maybe doesn't have all the qualities and you can plant them in that culture and they will bloom. Kneeled on wash is really interesting saying higher level level of consciousness will elevate anyone of lower level consciousness. If you have a high consciousness drive you can bring in someone. Who is maybe depressed? Who was going through some lower level state state changes and boom? They get healed. But it doesn't occur the other way around if you have lower level consciousness and you bring on someone who is happy who was dynamic you actually infect attack them and they start getting depleted so you always want to stop by making sure that the highest level consciousness joining your try. That's number one now. The second second thing is as you get them in create connection. There's a famous study done by harbour called the very happy people study so they wanted to see what truly causes happiness. Is it warm weather. Is it having a great physique. Is it having a job that you love it. Turns out there's only one thing that caused US happiness. And it has a point point seven correlation to happiness and it is the strength of your social connections. It means the people around you so as talking to Jason Proud last night you know I asked. Kim Is that the social connections in Sardinia that costs longevity or is it that the social connections caused happiness and happiness courses longevity. The truth is we don't really no. We are still studying. The science of happiness is a very recent phenomenon but what we know. Is that when you have strong social connections when you create them you you create happiness and this happiness and the social connections together seem to create longevity in your people. So how do you do that. While a couple of things social life have tons of parties we try to do this with all our authors one of the reasons we have so many dress up parties at eighty s because when we take our authors who our clients that's right like Ben Greenfield and Lisa Nichols and we get them to dress up really crazy and covered themselves with body pain it quits a different type of social connection action. They no longer feel like mine. Valley is just a business partner. Mine Valley becomes part of a family and so we extend the social connection to our author so many about authors. The friends are people who work on the mind team it quits a really healthy dynamic. That's a win win for everyone now another way. We do this team retreats so once a year we take our entire team and we fly them to an island sometimes occupying entire plane by the way funny thing about that photo. The people in the photo who are not smiling are the ones who don't work at mind Bobby Bobby and their team retreat. We basically create situations for people to connect again social. Connectedness are remember reading reading. Richard Branson's book andbranch. Another guy right. He's built an incredible company and fun. Infuses everything in Brian. Look that's me on Necker island with brands and you can see already. We like wearing togas nip slips are happening that's just how Branston roles now in his book. He says they should be part of every business plan. Have lots lots and lots and lots of parties and the CEO should be the first person in the pool. So CEOS company lead us. Note that there's a reason for this. In good to great the author Jim Collins says when he interviewed all apiece amazing people who worked for these great companies. He found that they loved what they did largely largely because they loved who they did with so keep that in mind people who love what they do. You large loved what they do because of who they do with yet. So many companies restrict that we restrict our social connectedness. We kind of create these barriers to people truly connecting at work. But that's crazy because check out this study. This is from Gallup Gallop found that people who answer yes to the question. I have a best friend at work. A seven hundred percent more engaged on their jobs. So the question for you is. Are you creating situations in your company where people can have best friends at work close friendships at least and could you indirectly be following some obsolete corporate rules that restrict that another the way to do this form positive contagious. So again here are some science right Sean. In the happiness advantage set that studies found that when leaders on a positive note employees are more likely to be caused himselves to exit trust social behavior towards one another and to coordinate task with more efficiently and less effort. It's really interesting. Things happen more efficiently when the leader is in a positive more so we have this unwritten rule in mind valley. Where if you are leading and you are having a sucky day because remember? It doesn't mean that you're always happy you were going to have Saturdays all you do. Is You let your team. No guys. I'm having a rough day today. It's not you guys at some impersonal. Shit I gotta deal with just know that it has nothing to do with you and that level of candor instantly switches stinks because we don't have that level of candor your sadness us that whatever you're facing that day will directly affect the people on your team and so this was one of the most important rules. I learned the hard way that I had to be really me transparent. And you don't have to say what's going on in your personal life. You simply have to say guys got some personal shit. I'm dealing with. I don't want to talk about it but just no. It has nothing to do with you. I'll be okay tomorrow. And that level of candor actually elevates team performance now another thing we do is create these things in the office that basically get people to come together and we call them culture this because as we have so many different nationalities every two weeks we celebrate a different culture whether it's Malaysia or India and these culture days are disruptive to work. It will take away two hours hours of work that day that's US Culture Day like everyone basically is drinking from Little Red Cups listening to country music after five PM. We allow people bring alcohol into the office. There's even though our work day typically continues till seven. But what happens. Is that it actually although it may cause a drop productivity for that one day it quits a massive boost boosting productivity for the entire year because people CONNEC friendships are form in. What happens this emotional contagion? It's happened. Positive people improve team members performance group performance reduced group conflict create more cooperation and greater performance task of him so this was by the famous famous psychologists that Gaba Saad if you have positive people in a company everything gets better so you can make your own culture if you are monoculture. Here's an example. It was created a day. Call Tashin. He'll say where every guy just grew a moustache for two weeks. Every woman came in heels and then we set a photographer salute to just take photos of everyone that they got to share. So you can create your own like crazy stupid bizarre culture days and who say's that. This isn't acceptable corporate practice. What what it does is it gets people to connect deeply by bringing witness into their lives? Now another thing that we brought into the workplace and this one a lot of people started following us. Well it's called Love Week. So every week of Valentine's Day we basically create a ritual where everyone in the company draws him out of a hat. And then you have to be an an angel to the person whose name you drew. But here's the trick. You can't say that the angels so you have to go through other employees to do secret. Random acts of kindness escort them only at the end of the week. Can you reveal yourself as an angel so for one entire week. You're showing up to work and you're seeing all of these gifts and appreciation notes. It's an all these amazing things ending up on your desk and you have no idea who's doing it. And you're injured is roping in other people s delivery. Boy Check out this quick little video by Talia that gives you a peek of love week just three months back. We have this tradition at mine. Valley love wickets SUPICCI. Shoot this is what what people do right. So you are an angel and everyone has a human and for the whole week that we just love this. It is and it's always surprise chocolates and really funny notes and pens and we buy them lunch attention. Men have no idea. So what happens. Is We get stuck in a loveless. It's like his love coming from here and then going there and it's just love love love. I love love. Love Week is all about connection. It's about giving and being open to receiving it's about bringing dipped to the workplace and about Kerry and cheering right and bro. It's business as usual riot every day. Approach to scare. But we've gone on one of the really beautiful and naturally occurring supply. Never been noted when you're going to be ambushed in seven of them to get really creative and make think how can I best express mine love for these cases. What can I do? I can go on facebook into cola once they favorite food so it's like Sebastian for example he loves Guacamole and I just saw he's angel delivered him for Kamali and he's life take guacamole like he's days made and why can't we do this every day. I don't know but the thing is for this one week. We just I wanted to and it's the most beautiful one tradition that we have here at my belly talk about love week is it's about appreciation workplace and study showed that when people close to each other when they appreciate each other their productivity goes through the roof so every company should be doing this Anastasia as the patient. What what roomy wants said lobbies the bridge between you and everything? So we invite you go and be the bridge go forth and spread this radical social movement with your friends and family. And you're not just bring a smile to your face now. The thing is anyone can do this. We've had companies. We've had departments and the government of Canada take on love. We had companies with five people. Take on love week and we want to make it easy for you guys. Just Google Youtube. You will find tons of videos directly explain how to bring this into your company and again productivity will go down by two hours every day right. You're literally telling you employees to take away two hours. They're working time and spend it appreciating each other but what you will find is that the ripple effect for that will cause a boost and engagement and productivity that last the next year it is amazing. How incredible this works so remember this study? If you can allow people to become close friends with their workmate. It is one of the single biggest things you can do to boost engagement now. Another aspect of this idea of quitting connection is is what we call frequent appreciation right. Richard Branson said like flowers flourish on water people flourish on praise. Now I know this sounds fluffy so I thought what I bring in some signs what I'm GonNa play for you. Guys is a three minute video by psychologists and scientists Sean Acre on on the power of appreciation. Now this is a two minute exercise that Sean is advising companies to do. Basically he says manages to the company show up they take an I phone. They set a timer for two minutes and in that two minutes and this is the first thing they have to do when they start their job. They write an email appreciation to another person in the company. When the two-minute ends they hit send? That's it two minute. Exercise by Sean Acre now check out what Sean Kosice about what this has done for from Nassif corporations and just have an open mind because there's hokey and fluffy as it sounds this signs happiness. Maybe a choice but it requires some effort on our part and I think it requires effort both at the individual level but also I think those busted owned companies. Those of us that lead other people. I think that we have. It's just a moral obligation but a business obligation to make sure that the people on our team aren't positive state. I think the individual level one. Thanks we've found huge success with it. is we started having individuals each day. The managers ofttimes lead us. Oh what we'd have people do at facebook we have people do a nationwide insurance. US We had and every morning when the gun to work. The very first task they had to do. For Twenty one days row was to write a single to positive email praising or thanking one person that they know simple two minute positive so it could be something as simple as like you so much for helping me with my work yesterday or it could be something meaningful like. You're the reason why I come into work each day. You're you're my best friend here or it could be you know. Thank you so much for covering for me when I had so much work going on the other day but each one those moments with that person is doing is. They're providing providing craze to somebody else and they do it for three days road they get addicted to it. They how mazing they are for reading that email. It's morning and people start reading most back. About how grateful grateful that they are the real value is twenty one days later if we come back in and test the group the desert if somebody did for twenty days row it turns out that their social connection score is in the top four tile social connection so a simple two minute habit each day moved them exactly where people want them to be within the studies which least Nali loves happiness for promotion productive energies sales. All things every business outcome we know how to test for so we did this a nationwide insurance. We're working with the president of nationwide brokerage solutions Russians Gary Baker. WHO said he was a numbers guy? He said I thought happiness research was fluff and showed him the numbers. And we've been doing these organizations so allowed us to do this intervention mentioned this team we did a couple interventions but they think that this was the most powerful one over the next eighteen months they had a fifty percent rise in their revenue which is crazy two hundred thirty any seven percent increase. Yeah that's the incredible part. Two hundred thirty seven percent increase in application rates. Google flew out. See what they're doing. They're pharmaceutical company. Client it came out to see how they're running their call centers. They start taking people off of their phones. He saved for ten minutes so that they can actually have an opportunity to praise one another to check in on a success may have had switched leader each day. They call them. Idols turns out that they went from six hundred. Fifty million nine hundred fifty million in a single year with no new ars which was a nominal. Isn't that data amazing and by the way Shawn Acre. Wrote the book happiness advantage. He's a Harvard scientists. This this was an actual experiment nationwide insurance and how many of you think that you could spend two minutes a day writing an email so this is such a powerful idea. I cannot. You've been expressed. How amazing this is now? I had a bit. I use WHATSAPP because we communicate a lot not teams using WHATSAPP. And I leave an audio message or use emoticons but you can do it in any way you want. It's about the feeling of appreciation. So that was concept number two social connections now. Sean did say something there. He said when people start doing this they rise to the top twenty five percent wattle over company in terms of social activities score. This is a measurement that Harvard uses to identify who what the people in the company that typically get rated kindness the friendliest most supported it's called social connections score. Like if you look at people like either Lancia right really high social connection score. He is here helping and supporting so many people now. What the Harvard study found? Is that people who are in that top twenty five percent of social connection score. Aw Forty percent more likely to get a race than anyone else. Forty percent more likely now when they've found that they did this experiment with the two-minute appreciation. That people who are doing that immediately within one month they go to twenty five percent wattle. So not only. Are they making their peers happier indirectly based on Harvard data. They just created a forty percent better chance of them getting race. It's fascinating but sometimes because it's so easy we don't do it. And we bring bring in these high priced business consultants strategy consultants not realizing that sometimes a two minute practice. That you can bring into a company can cost that company to go from six hundred eleven fifty million to nine hundred and fifty million. It's all about culture folks. It's all about the people now. We'll go onto third point which I really am excited about in. Its call infuse meaning so human being goal driven organisms. This means that one of the things that makes us separate from animals is that we chase goals and and it seems to be healthy for us to chase these goals. As long as we're not tying happiness to the goal that the happiness is part of the journey Japan has some of the longest is leading people in the world and when I spoke to Jason Proud he said meaning is so keen. Crucial to everything in Okinawa. which is another one of the blue zones now in Japan? There's this concept called IKI Guy and icky Guy. It's a beautiful model of how to give people a reason for being IKI guy translates to reason reason for being the closest English word we would have to be meaning but what we find. Is that when you bring these elements into work. Passion Mission Vocation Profession. Having people do what they love do what the world needs do what they can be paid for and do what they're good at you give them meaning. So here's why this is important. Another Gallup study found that men who retire at eighty eighty six percent kept working because they found their work fun but ninety three percents kept working because they found on their work meaningful meaning directly seems to translate to longevity to longevity at the job to these people continued working into get eighty s because they found their job meaningful. So how do you do this right. WELP SALIMA SMILE in his book exponential organizations coined the phrase called all the massive transformational Corpus. And it means companies that have an empty p a massive transformational purpose to make the world better they attract the best minds. They create the best motivation in the job. They create the highest rates of productivity because they give people meaning seed. See the problem with most people. Is that the problems. Aren't big enough the problem that most people as they're trying to figure out. How do I lose this extra fat man? What is up with that guy who never texted me back these are tiny problems but the takeaway from people's true power and potential? So if you're running a company what you WANNA do is gift people bigger the problems to solve. Can you solve clean water for planet earth. Can you help improve human education. Can you help create healthier children. What problem are you trying? I just saw with your company. This guy does it remarkably well. Elon Musk and in a study of Silicon Valley workers the people who rank meaning as the highest in terms of their jobs jobs are the people who work for SPACEX and Tesla Number One and number two both companies run by Ilan. Must now if you listen to how Elon Musk talks you you can see what he's doing. He infuses everyone with a massive transformational purpose. That picture was taken when me and Jim Quick went to spacex to have a private audience with Ilan muster around thirty of us over there and we asked him what is spacex about now spacex is essentially a rocket company that is a trucking company for the International Space Station. They take parts to put satellites up but to build things that international space station. And it's a trucking company that vertically sense truck up a payload at ill on this and talk about that he doesn't talk about. Oh we send payloads into space. He said my goal is to make mankind in interplanetary species. Because you never know when and the next asteroid is GonNa hit planet and wipe us out just like you backup your hard drive. Backup humanity on Mars and he went on to say this this. I don't know when it's going to happen. I'd say ten years in ten years we can start a colony on Mars. It was twenty fifteen when he said this and he also said this he says you know I'm known and to be over-optimistic with time notice. He's speaking about something so powerful it rallies his troops. He doesn't have a clear the timeline of when it's going to happen. They don't yet know how to get to Mars. That they know that they are going to figure it out but even though he is not there yet. It's more than ten years away. When he talks about his company? He talks ten years in the future and that rallies the employee's a key idea I learned from speaking speaking to people like Peter. Diamond is speaking people like Elon. Musk is when somebody asks you what Your Company does when you're telling that story to prospective hires. Don't say what what you do now. Talk about what you're going to do in ten years it makes all the difference. I found that there was a flaw in technology team in mind body. Nine out of ten people have an offer letter to reject us because what programmers. It's super competitive. They have so many other offers lately. Seventy five percent acceptance rate the difference. It's I asked the CEO and the engineers to let me do the final call with people and the final call. I don't interview them. I simply tell them how mind it's going to completely reboot human education for one billion people and get humanity to humanity two point. That's it it goes from ten percent acceptance rate seventy seventy five percent acceptance rate. And I'm going to make it one hundred percent acceptance rate because the best people in the world want to solve the world's biggest problems so the key idea here is don't talk about what your company does. Now listen to Ilan. Talk about what your company is going to do. Ten Years in the future. What is that next level that next evolution and make victim dream with you now when you do that you also start establishing mission reminders? So emission reminder is anything that you put on the wall to remind people up what that mission is. You can't just speak about it at opening interview and then forget about it so one of the things we do for example is we have a blog called customer love and we share stories on that log. Oh God how customers lives have been changed when let us come in when pictures come in we just share it on the blog. Sometimes customer sends postcards we stick it up on our refrigerator but here's the thing thing we share these testimonials not for other customers therefore employees. We want to remind our team members of the good work that they do. Okay so that's point number two now point number three and this is a really key thing when it comes to like giving meaning. I decided to take what along was doing with the massive transformational purpose purpose. And ask us what happens if we could infuse this in every single team so I found that there were certain teams in mind belly that were run by great managers interest but the teams were not innovating and these teams would have problems. They'd be low motivation. People high motivation people sometimes drama and I noticed there were other teams in mind valley. That had no such thing. There was almost no necessary. Need for Management Steve. Jobs said great. People don't need to be managed so what was going on there. Why is it? Certain teams. Were having drama and low performance and stagnation in process breaks and other teams just crushing. It and I realized the difference was was in the leader very often. The leader was thinking pure management. I need to make sure that everybody knows their draw. Everybody has a JD. Everybody is following process and and in other teams the leader operated as a visionary. I want to be the best and the whole idea on that team was. We're going to do the best work now. Now if you look at the team that runs events in mind valley. They operate in terms off the best. I don't know how Laura Manages to team. I don't know how Cardi manages to team came up. Never looked at their spreadsheet or their to do list but I know that every year they push themselves to do something good when they were executing one F s they came to me and they said Hey we want to take eighth Asia. Can we do to a year when they were doing to. The next idea was can we launched Mine Valley University. Let's take on university. Let's do a thirty the day's program after the Launch Valley University a few months ago all came to me. She's like mission in addition to everything else I'm doing. I want to expand mine value to buy because police to be ritually. Great great we got to tap into the Arab market. The team doesn't quit I've no idea how processes work but what I know is. DNA of the team is why it around being being the best creating an event company that says great or better than Ted as great or better than Tony Robbins and this rallies everyone else and the funny thing is it. It doesn't cause more stress. It causes more excitement. More enthusiasm work disappears because people have meaning so I went back to mine valley this past Monday. I started switching switching things around and said okay. The leader of the team cannot be the manager. The manager is GonNa be the process holder the manageable insure processes are happening. The leader has to do some management but the ultimate definition of a leader is that they want to be the best. You lead films and design at Mine Valley. Your job is to create the best phones in design in the education industry. If you are working on Apps your job is to create the number one learning platform in the world if you're running mind value. Allie you your job is to be better than Harvard in ten years and change a separate thing. So can you take the departments in your company and this idea to be the best tagging mccord. Who worked with Reed has things in Netflix to create the net flicks culture right? She what Oh really amazing book. That came out recently. The book is called Powerful and Peggy says she says all this thing about empowerment is bullshit. Your people are powerful as soon as they walked through the door. What you gotTa do is give them away to channel this power and the best way to get people to channel that power is to give them meaning to give them a goal to tell them? Hey let's be the best at what we're doing. Can you guys see how this is. So make your team's Give your company a massive transformational purpose in Mt. P You can learn about that in the book exponential organizations then go to every single team and and say okay to get to that MTV. We need to be the best. We need the best design. We need the best art. We need the best filmmaking. We need the best customer support and watch what happens happens to your company now. The thing is notre growth mindset. As you're doing all of this you want to remember to make your people grow. When I was young I love this bloke on leadership it was from Dwight Eisenhower? Leadership is getting other people to do things you want done because they want to do it now. I realized that that is actually kind of dumb. Outdated model of leadership because it's kind of leadership that could get a president to get a million man to march into a dumb war so we believe that a better definition finishes leadership in this is what we use our leadership credo at mind. Valley is this leadership is recognizing that we are all one that every person you lead is as brilliant as you as talented us you and has the same capacity for growth and accomplishment. They simply need to be reminded of this and so what we do then is we ensure everyone in the company is growing and we remind them of their greatness. Now there are many ways you can do this. The best way is helping people establish a personal vision for themselves. This author Bill Johnson and Bill came to visit a company in Kuala Lumpur and asking. Bill what is the future of work and he says the future of workers this. It's about getting employees engaged. Not just about getting employees engaged in the company vision. It's about getting the company engaged in the employees vision getting the company to identify. How does each employer? Roy Wants to grow. And then helping create a conducive environment where these people can grow and yes. Sometimes we will grow so fast they will leave you but when you quit a reputation ask the company that created all these heroes. Guess what more people want to join you recently. We had an incredibly amazing talented woman in in Europe. Right to us to say that she was prepared to quit her job and come and join Mine Valley and asked her why she was an Estonian. She says well because I follow. Kadikoy we are on facebook Cardi is our hit of mind you she says I am shocked by how much Cardi has evolved and changed and grown in just one year and I want a piece of that a- and so many people don't grow their employees because they're afraid that it means that they are going to go start their own organization or their own company. We don't have career because we know that when you grow people what happens is that you get so many other people lining up outside your door to want to be part of that company and you give people massive transformational purpose all of that growth all of that power they get to use it in your company. Often people leave not because breath of anything else other than back that they want a big challenge when you put them in charge of a team and you say make this the best you give them what human beings craven life life meaning significance purpose. It's not just about owing I need to leave and become an entrepreneur. That's often a bullshit. Excuse for something else that's happening under the surface. So how do we do this well. There's a formula and mine valley called it. The most important questions it helps people separate means goals and end goals raise your hand coded the three Mike You Basically we help. People quit with a bucket list for experiences for grow contribution and then each connects to the other experiences. Are What experience do you want in the world growth as well to have these experiences. Such as I'd say biking across South America a one month how do I need to grow. I need to learn how to ride a bike. I need to learn Spanish and then the final one is contribution. If I was the guy who could afford to bike across South America for thirty days speak Spanish. Get to know cultures. How can I also contribute? Well maybe I can spend one day every week up that month volunteering at an often it somewhere in a South American country you give people this refined bucket list so we do it would entire team. But then here's what we do when they create this bucket list. We we stick this on a wall and everybody gets to see what everyone else is doing now. What we find is that mysterious things happen as people start putting this on the warm Bob and sharing it openly with the rest of the company? The goals just seem to come true. This Guy Ronin was very inspired to go into health and wellness and then he also wrote that he wanted on it to speak at Ted. You'll see that over there. What happened was within a couple of months? He took part in. This competition called the Viper Challenge. She came in number one at twenty thousand competitor's next thing you know he's he's like this incredible athlete in Kuala Lumpur. Next thing you know. He's been invited to speak on the Ted Stage in Kale. He does so well he gets invited to speak. At Ted ex and Paris boom boom boom. His goals get accomplished. This one is from someone many of you know he started out as an eighth fester joined our team when he came in his first week. He did this as most important questions. And one of the things. He wrote down his become a world. Class Speaker teach entrepreneurship sales and living awesome. Now what happened. Was Jason Campbell Campbell. He was working with audio. In Abe backstage at a in Croatia a few years back in one of US speaker spelled sick so we had twenty minutes. It's the Phil and Jason tempted me. In addition put me on stage. I'm like just can't put you on stage. Justice broken eighth best. You've got to be a world-class speaker. He's like mission. I've been working on the speech for like a year. Just give me a break. Just put me on stage so I put him on stage apprehensively and you guys voted him speaker now. Not only has the spoken on stage at Apis that he has his own show on mine bally membership where he teaches. Guess what sales in entrepreneurship and living awesome. This lady Luminita was the blogger working for mine valley. She wrote a blog posts and nothing happened for a while. Three most important questions she had written that she wanted to be a world. Oh class author get a publishing deal and know lots of like amazing things over here about traveling around the world writing so one. In six months blog post started taking off off pure randomness and it went on to become the single most viral personal growth post ever shared on facebook with one point two million in shares. It was called fifteen things to give to be happy next thing you know. She gets a call from Penguin and the opera her a book deal and the book was recently published published. Of course she quit mind because now she's a full time author but we are proud of her because of course so many people in Romania here the story and now apply to mind valley. This kid from Sudan at twenty two wrote his three most important questions and said that someday he wants to speak at world class institutions in the United States. His blog dog got popular. His blog led to a book my Islam and it's about how digitization is bringing democracy to the Arab world. The book got voted on Foreign Policy Z magazine as one of the top twenty five must read books appointed thirteen. He was twenty six years. Old Next thing you know he's speaking at Google. He's invited to be on on the bill. Maher show twenty six years old and he did this exercise at twenty two. And that's literally what we have opposite giant vision board with everyone's three am in my queue. It's almost like a blueprint for the soul. You get to truly understand how other people want to live their life. That's Zico he's Charro and people will go when they will look at each other's three and my cue and they will look for commonalities and then they will create shed experiences Zeki and these three other mind. Bali people decided to hike the Himalayas together because he found three additional people had bought written visit nip. How or hype the Himalayas? Now what I WANNA do is give you guys a gift so that you can bring this into your your company if you download the quest up when mine valley download quest APP from Google play or the itunes store or you can even download it from Apple. TV or you you can go to mine. VALUE DOT COM forward slash. It's on every format. Click on discover and you'll see three extraordinary by design. This is a seventeen day inquest. So it's twenty minutes a day and it trains you on the process so you can go home after eight s and do this and also is something that you can play in your company any and train your employees on the process so all of them do this exercise and it's completely free now. What we do is we go deeper under experiences growth contribution we go deeper for into like what is grope health and fitness intellectual? Your skills and people set really detailed goals in all of these categories. So don't worry about mastering get now. Just know the power of this and you can get it from mind dot com forward slash completely free now. The final thing is getting. I'm I'm going to skip this. One group personal growth but group is not as basically we take people into seminars together. That's Mine Valley team going through life book. The final thing is giving and when we look at longevity studies often meaning and social connections comes from this act of compassion from kindness from giving from supporting according to human beings. Neil Walsh who spoke at mine value last year had a quote that secondly took off and became the most popular quote. We've we've ever shared on stage at Valley and that quote is your life is not about you rather it's about the lives of everyone you touch and that quote emerge because a mind values student asked. Neil Neil what's the best way to overcome depression. He's like well. Stop Making your life about you. You want to overcome depression. Go and start helping other people. You will never be able to depressed again. He said when you live life making your life about other people all the drama and the feelings that you know sometimes pop up state changes. They actually start disappearing because your life has great meaning to itself. So here's what you can do. Now Sean. Echo already gave a hint right the two minute appreciation exercise. So here's another one so remember the most important questions. Now I WANNA wrap this up with the most powerful single idea here so you have this giant Vision Board in your office with everyone's three most important questions now use the C. or the founder or as the leader of a team go to the people whom you most closely work and take a photo of the three Mike you so I actually have everyone's three and Mike Iq on my phone now. What I do is when I go to a bookstore I pick up at three? Am I Q and I see this one is for Eldora right so I look at this and I'm like. How can I support Alibaba? And I noticed that she had something here in Khatri cue which was about living in Italy. It's somewhere here live in Italy for a year. That's it so what I do is at the bookstore. I buy her a book Italy and then I the little note in the book and it's completely random. I don't even know her that well. She was a new hire Regio Korea. I want you to know we believe in your dreams when you live in Italy for a year. Hope you find this lonely planet guide useful. That's it now. How long did that take well? Well it took me about twenty five bucks to buy a book maybe ten minutes of my time to choose the book and write a note but with that twenty bucks in ten minutes of my time you completely changed the dynamic of the entire company. You see if you're leading a team if you're leading the company one of the greatest things that caused the satisfaction that break attitude is. Is that all of us. Have Sun Palm Self Esteem. Doubt no matter how strong we are. I have self esteem issues all of us do and sometimes when we get criticized. We think it's about us so I know that there's going to be a point when elbruz GonNa turn in something that support. I'm going to go over. This isn't good enough and she's going to think oh man. He doesn't like me on. Tom And I'm just not good but by knowing that she knowing that I bought her a book that I cared about her when this moment happens. She's going to know that it's not her her. It's not me being an asshole. It's the process. It was that temporary slice of work that she did and she can change that she can correct that she can do better the next time. But it's not her we radical self esteem because we let people know in full physical proof form that we care and this is the single most powerful tool I've done and I've seen I've actually split tested this so I know this sounds cruel but there are certain people. I didn't buy the gift certain people I did get the gift off and then three months later the relationship is so different and all it takes is twenty minutes. And you're really showing people that you believe in them before they can believe in themselves now. What's the science on this one? Check this out Gallup. Study on and ten million employees people who answered yes to the following question. My supervisor or someone at work seems to care about me as a person. These people were bound to be more productive. contributed motor profits was significantly. More likely to stay with the company the next year. And as you start doing this the most beautiful thing happens in mind valley dahlie recall it. The multi headed dragon. Mine Valley unlike many other personal growth companies even though it started with me as the teacher is not about me I am not the face of many the divisions of Mine Valley. You have as the peace of mind teach. Cardi is the face of mind value. Laura runs eighth us. People like all our in Cardi and AROCCA. Okay I will speak on stage and get standing ovations mind events. We create leaders at a really really really high level. And you know on the pre day event. When me and Eric Eric Strauss were talking about scaling up and ideas for entrepreneurship? I said pay attention to how we bill people at Mine Valley because by the time you leave F s if you leave any any other conference speaker you speakers and you will know the owner of the conference but you want a Tim Bennett Mind Valley. It's different but the time you leave this you will directly no people on my team mm-hmm you will know their names. You will be hanging out with them. You will have an bond appreciation of them. You will connect with them and not necessarily meet because we create leaders at that crazy rapid rate so we call it the multi headed dragon because we can grow because we're investing so much in growing different leaders in different heads so if you just look at this picture you'll recognize so many any remarkable leaders and they tend to be the ones who have been with us the longest time Laura's since two thousand twelve Miriam in and out since twenty ten cardi for around four years and when you go to mind valley you you will see them on stage you will see them in the PR articles and that's really what this is about. It's about turning your company into a tribe taking your company away where people get positive optimism and it said defector way of working where they get deep meaningful connections their jobs give them meaning they are perpetually in a growth mindset so they are actually healing and growing while working in the company and finally you give the show a reason to give and when you do that not only. Do you create a really high functioning tribe but the greatest thing happens your work becomes an act of healing and transformation transformation for everyone involved in your organization so remember J. Shetty's words right. It's not just about the years to your life. It's about about the life to your years and work which is where we spend seventy percent of our waking hours needs to be completely overhauled and turned into something as powerful AH full and effective and soothing our lives as say a beautiful SPA treatment or beautiful weekend at thank you guys so I hope you enjoyed the series of insights to learn more about this. Check out my work. My two books are the core of the extraordinary mind new version. Russian comes out in January. But you can get the current version on Amazon. The coat became the number one book in the world on Amazon for five days and twenty seventeen and has been published into Philly languages. The code is about transforming yourself as an individual now my second book the boot on the baddest comes out by angled Random House in May twenty. I twenty stay tuned for that. You can find out more about my work on VICHY DOT com. If you like these ideas and you want to bring them into your company go to mine. VALUE DOT COM and look up Mine Valley for business. There's a link right enough footer. Click on that. And you'll learn how to contact our coaches that helped bring these ideas into workspaces basis around the world. So thank you for being a mind. Dhabi van go ahead and lead us to review. And if you feel compelled please share your insights and your views views on this talk on instagram. Tag Me intact mind body and we might just show your story. Thank you so much being Mine Valley Fan. I will see you on the next podcast. They I'm vision Lucchini. And this is the Mind Valley podcasts

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Taking out Your Head Trash  Dealing with Crisis & Decision Fatigue with Guest Dr. Roger Hall, Host Alex Vorobieff  #45

OC Talk Radio

47:18 min | 2 years ago

Taking out Your Head Trash Dealing with Crisis & Decision Fatigue with Guest Dr. Roger Hall, Host Alex Vorobieff #45

"Well gun to the confident R._O._I.. To success come before happiness or does happiness proceed success. That's what we're gonNA talk about today. Our guest today is focused his career on determining how positive mindset and attitude has an impact on people's success. He's done a lot of research in this done. A lot of training training came up through United Airlines as a trainer corporate trainer as well as the North West Medical Facility in Chicago and his real world experiences in research. He's gone really deep on this. He's a now sharing it with the world in his firm. Go positive our guest is Don Sandal and you're going to be able to answer that question. What comes first happiness success a lot of us? Get it wrong so enjoy the interview Don sandhill welcome to the confident R._O._I.. Thanks Alex really happy to be here well. You should be your go. You come from go positive so we would have an issue if you were all believe me. I I hear it especially from my kids. If if I'm not a happy optimistic in positive or why here it so yeah good point have the same my my wife and daughter are always always reminding me things I'm sudden and think are important did especially in group dynamics business. You say this but what about families could ask so they they throw it back at you a little bit yeah I've been there we were talking just for we started about <hes> <hes> your experiences and stories and you were mentioning that use add an experienced the tested your positives mindset. It took everything you have to get through. Can you share it with our audience. You want me to relive that. Do you inherited help. You and we're GonNa talk about how the positive mindset can can help to lead toward success and the father of Positive Psychology Z. study in the research by but nothing like a good story against start yeah. Well you know sometimes our biggest obstacles are the ones that we put their ourselves and this one is going to be relatable. I'm sure to almost all of your listeners in it's it was an experience I had last week. We had the polar vortex that went across the Midwest and I was lucky enough to be traveling of course it wasn't a trip to Phoenix or or southern California. It was a trip to <hes> <hes> Columbus Ohio wonderful place wonderful people but <HES> <HES> I ended up being in O'hare airport waiting for my flight. I had three flights cancel. I was there get does Alex. I was there at Nine A._M.. And I didn't get to my destination until one A._M.. The next morning so talk about a test of exactly what I teach exactly what a breach and you know it's just one play. You're not the you do not optime. Oh No it was one simple flight but of course the airlines were being being safe and being careful and I'm glad that they were but it's those types of things when you're in the airport in your having cancelation after cancellation John and you're surrounded by people who are frustrated right in and it becomes a contagion in its best when you have to be aware of your mindset the intentional about you know <hes> kind of your thought process US avoiding the negative thoughts and going okay. How do I make the best of this? I was fine. I ended up getting work done. I talked to more people in more family than I normally do. <hes> and simply put made the best of it and it could've been a nightmare and quite frankly it was what I was talking to someone about this that that there's research on when you're in a group of people you can pick up on wasn't there it was some sort of sense they put put off in. It's in their sweat that we can sense it and in the duck in the research was they took sweat from people who were sweating and swept from people that were upset and they expose it's different people in our eyes and the ones that were the ones that smelled the YEP set sweat. They started to get anxious. There was actually the could sense that were the sweat from working came out in the same effect on other people so literally can pick up that frustration and anxiety from other people yeah. It's a little bit of group saying Yes we can we all <hes> put off a certain energy and we pick up on that usually on an unconscious level <hes> but our behaviors contagion right so when I work with leaders in my talk about positive leadership I bring up for instance the Nicholas <unk> Chris dacas study from Harvard and it's it's interesting because he was actually studying the contagion aspect of obesity <hes> and smoking and the positive psychologist got hold of him him and said you know maybe we should do a similar study with regard to the contagion of our behavior such as happiness so his his work with regard to <hes> smoking for instance that if you're a smoker the person closest to you as twenty five percent increase chance to be a smoker and the person closest to them has an increase fifteen percent chance to be a smoker and so oh the end result of this study once they the positive psychologist got ahold of them. They noticed the exact same trend that if you are positive the people closest to you <hes> are going to be more positive move on down the line. It's fascinating study but it says so much about how our behavior affects the people around us well it does and I'd like to know how you came to this because you start are you done long career and talent development and training people human resource development starting out with North West medical facility and then spending some time at United Airlines pre bankruptcy that when they were employee owned airline. I remember coming across them going. You are not the friendly guy it's actually I would often say yes. I worked for United Airlines. It's not my fault. How did you come to assume the importance of positive thinking in in its benefits and how it can help with with with the obtaining six success yeah? It's it's interesting in. It's a little bit serendipity because <hes> years ago I mean this is more than a decade. I was actually looking into the brain research with regard to learning because my focus was talent development and so how is it that we learn and it's all in the brain <hes> and I kept running across the research in positive psychology and I started to focus less on the the brain process of learning focusing focusing on the hippocampus and started to more focus on this growing amount of empirical data and Science Science based research on positive psychology and it's it's effect on us and it wasn't long before I was reading everything that I could in studying salad men and Lubomirski and Frederickson and Sean Acre of course in all of these that went before me and it was fascinating and probably the biggest thing took from Alex was is that you know when I begin this conversation. Many executive groups will will kinda look at it as a social virtue very nice dawn. I agree with you. I really liked this but how does this happen impact but once we look at the research and now we have over two decades of real good science base empirical data that says we are different and we are better when we're happy optimistic and positive I was hooked so who who started this research every we were wired to be negative right who questioned that maybe there's a better way or at least one to research y Bobby mcferrin Song along with <unk> so popular yeah yeah I when I came out I get introduced with that song a lot in and I'm starting to say. Can we find another song and it's a wonderful strong always does put me on a good mood but <hes> <hes> you know if we go back to Norman Vincent Peale's bestselling book <hes> the Power Positive Thinking Norma's its appeal was right on he was spot on but it wasn't based on the research. So what happened was is <hes> in nineteen ninety. The eight Dr Martin Seligman became the President of the American Psychological Association and what he noticed was in in what he really kind of trumpeted in nineteen ninety eight was look. We're spending all of our hours and all of our time in all of our dollars. I studying the disease model. If something's broke we're gonNA fix it right. If there's something pathological we're GonNa fix it but he said what if we took all of that energy and all of that or not all of it but more of it and said let study when people bowl are thriving let study when people are flourishing. I think we're going to learn a lot from that so that really began from peel to sell it men but what Seligman started in Nineteen Nineteen Ninety eight were salad duplicate research that against said we are different and we are better when we're happy optimistic positive and the data has shown that to be true in so what what does that mean for someone that <hes> it someone that struggles with being positive that you work at United Airlines in the wintertime Shit Shit at O'hare your deal a lot of in but maybe is that would southwest airlines `success they they're pretty they've had a policy of trying to recruit people that like to laugh like <hes> their attitude import is that are that difference well. We we all struggle with that because we have a kind of a genetic code or or a negatively bias that is is evolutionary <hes> if you think about early humankind what were they always looking for. There are always looking for danger and our brain hasn't really changed from that. We still have a negative bias no matter how positive we are and believe me in what I do in all of the other positive psychology <hes> researchers <hes> it's not happy allergy. We understand that we're GONNA have crappy days right. We we understand that tragedy tragedy in. In Challenge and change is still going to occur but it's about establishing a foundation that where we begin <hes> happy up optimistic and positive we're still going to have ron days but when we begin with that foundation what I call hop when we begin that with that foundation we're better suited to deal with the winds of change the days of tragedy the days of challenge because we begin at a better place and in in two point I don't want to I don't WanNa beat up my hometown airline this this some wonderful folks who who work there and and more often than not I really have a great experience with down but so much of this is just perspective and being intentional and saying I'm going to be Jinmei Day positively and Betcha. That's how it's command could you can you give an example of of how this is how someone you've worked with all the time and that's one of the things that so rewarding about this is that I know it has one business impact but on the individual level it so moving <hes> when people realize you're right I default to the negative too much <hes> you don't know how many times after a keynote somebody will say I will will don. Can you talk to my spouse no but you can <hes> I had one young lady whose whose mom was just put into hospice and she attended a keynote and and she talked to me afterwards since she just said this. This was perfect timing because I was very <hes> feeling sorry for myself a well as me in you just helped me to realize that I have a choice in what my attitude it is. I have a choice in however respond to the daily negative things that occur and just just that point about choice in being intentional <hes> about our mindset made a huge difference to her so I see this all the time kinda stumbled into it. Franken talked about man's search for meaning in terms of having the choice yeah. There's always that moment of choice this right. There's there's that moment of engagement and then we have that just that moment of choice and that determines <hes> how we respond to somebody out how we respond to these these incidents that occur in our life life and and yeah I bring up Frankel and that quotes <hes> often and that's such a powerful teachable moment in I know I have the choice on how to reacted things but but oftentimes you know that person cuts me off for doesn't doesn't go when they should go any tricks for <hes> in the override to that initial initial is Madonna's. Why why is it worth so much dog how how did he put circuit breaker in there well part of it is just asking yourself that question? How does the serve me? I'll just my response serve me and if you at that moment of clarity <hes> you'll come to the conclusion. It's usually not I can control my response than I have to remember Frankel. I have to remember <hes> to just take a deep breath as Corny <music> as that sounds I know does but what happens when we take that deep breath we don't let the LIMBIC system override our prefrontal CORTEX. <hes> prefrontal CORTEX is the rational part of our brain. It's the executive function of our brain and <hes> it gets tired. It gets tired during the course of the day <hes> in we don't have an infinite ability to control ourselves. We don't <hes> or self regulation. Take that Wayne's during the course of the day I bring gets tired so that ability to check ourselves to take a deep breath. Another technique is if we're starting to feel a certainly motion and we're starting to feel it takes over is to name name how we're feeling because once we may Mitt we are actually pulling our prefrontal cortex back into the equation when it was about to be overridden by Olympic System when we when our prefrontal cortex gets overridden by the LIMBIC A big system. It's usually not a good thing so take a deep breath. Ask How's it serving me right <hes> and learning how many airlines have gotten my Miguel override tax looking can and we all do that. I still do that too but I do it less and less the the one thing about taking a deep breath degree of the definitely helps but my daughter always goes a frustrated dad supposed to do I love it because we wondered we want our kids to notice those things in the more they can detect our emotions means the better they can detect their own so so yeah I agree are you. Are you so you telling you sounds like you're you're actually teaching some some of the meditation or mindfulness practice techniques do you do people know that or just teaching being on the getting them over the happy getting focus on happiness. That's one thing resent. How do you do it? Oh no no that's that that is definitely part of it. Because <hes> you know meditation when I teach meditation I always I say look. You're not smelling any incense. No notice that I'm not wearing any flowing robes <hes> the the empirical data of of you know the last decade fifteen years around meditation our brains change <hes> we we grow learn new neurons when we meditate. We improve our immune system so when you meditate we mitigate the stress of the day we <hes> it's a great way to push that cortisol from stress during the course of the day a out of our system. It's incredibly powerful but part of it is perspective right so many people when they think about meditation they think of kind of eastern philosophy in eastern cultures man that has moved it has has moved to Western culture and in so many C._e._O.'s are are meditating and buying into mindfulness and if it helps our employees to mitigate their stress and help them to show up better each wjr day and even if they do it for three to five minutes in the middle of the morning in the middle of the afternoon and they give their brains arrest and they get back control of their own minds. That's incredibly powerful so why I wouldn't somebody embrace that it's the sounds like you're really it. You talk about posits. You hear your company's aims. Go positive without the and you are. You're you're taking people about how house <unk> success generally comes after happiness where most people believe success you gotTa be successful nor to be happy but really to me. It sounds like you really teaching people how to how to rewire the brains out again brains absolutely look we we are genetically predisposed to have a negative bias and that made sense when we were being chased by wild animals <hes> and it doesn't they're just on email yeah. There's that too but <hes> to be able to change that mindset in realized that there is incredible power in being happy optimistic and positive. Here's here's here's here's my theses Alex. It's it's when we embrace this mindset and we shift from negatively bias to positively bias we are more focused more disciplined more innovative more creative. We're actually smarter <hes> they've done studies with students and they've primed them to be positive neutral or or negative before taking safe for instance math achievement jess and invariably duplicated every single time insistently the ones who score the best on a math achievement test of the ones that were prior to be happy before they took the why did I know that Nice schooling college would help to go so so were smarter <hes> we we have better recall we have better memory were better able to <hes> leveraged the power of her own brains and we open up the learning centers of our brain when we have this hop mindset so again. It's not just a social virtue a rear different. We're better when we're happy optimistic impossible. So how can someone cultivate a positive mindset yeah yeah in it takes intention in it takes so what I do in in in my workshop up is I do spend a little bit of time Alex talking about the brain in talking about the neuroscience and talking about neurotransmitters to get released when we're when we're in that mindset and that's part of what makes us different than better <hes> and there's a number of research back techniques that help us to to have that mindset <hes> we talked earlier of about the number one way to raise your happiness scores. I got this get this. It's it's gratitude so so why gratitude we right if we see this all over the place these days it's ubiquitous gratitude but but when we change our brain to focus on gratitude instead of negativity we're literally teaching our brain to default to the positive instead of the negatives now we don't need to <hes> do the gratitude exercise every every single day you know dosage is important if we did gratitude every single day I think we'd get bored with it. We'd run out of things to be grateful for. I keep saying I'm grateful for Alex but by the third day I'm tired tired of being grateful for L._A.. So dosages important so if you do that two or three times a week and you have a primer that reminds you you start to change that neural structure that says I have a negatively bias in your brain goes l.. I see what you're doing. You want me to look for things to be grateful for you. Want me to look for positive things so we didn't so we do that that exercise Alex another one we do we do the same exercise so so so when we experienced something <hes> positive the broncos great. I'm glad something positive happened but it doesn't really put it into long term memory unless it was extremely emotional but if it's just a positive. The thing that happened during the course of the brain brain doesn't want to take up that space so it says great gone right not in long term memory may be short term memory when something negative happens in our brain the brain goes oh I can learn from that. Let me store that long term memory so it's really important that we save her the positive moments the positive events when our when your daughter notices something about about your behavior Alex that's awesome. You should be proud of her. That's a moment to save her that the more we do that. The more we chains neural structure in our brain and we stopped defaulting to the negative in we start defaulting to the positive more off does great because now now I understand why a lot of companies are doing and groups or doing team later. You're doing coaches this exercise of what were you wins start of a weekly meeting the what when you're wins this weekend and I didn't understand why it in anything to it gets you thinking about positive mindset and <hes> looking for things wins something to be grateful for yeah in if we do and and there's a number of techniques and you gotta you gotta find the techniques that worked for you right because what you don't WanNa do have great workshop your read a great article about it or your your podcast and and you you you just do the one or two things maybe that you heard but there's probably a good fifteen to twenty techniques that <hes> a research based that were duplicated right that said these things as we know for sure help our brain changed from that negatively by stoop to positively bias for the long term <hes> in and that's that's that's actually a really good good point and we should focus on that that the way okay that we typically your happiness Alex touchdown. This is is quite frankly wrong and we need a new paradigm because lots of times. It's I'm not going to be happy and tell Ryan tell it gets a new car. Mary the perfect perfect spouse I give the big house in the suburbs but most of those are <hes> short-term pleasures that don't give us long-term results so if you engage in those things that change aims the neuro structure for the long term you'll actually have that foundation of of happy optimistic composite yeah because you you talk about in your in your videos. Seeing you talk about success does does not come after happiness. Happiness precede success and I've gotten stuck in that trap sure when we did this done in this is successful they'll be happy. I think it Kinda went back to the school has Jin scores like betting get the homework done. Get good test scores. You know I wouldn't get I get punished so it's like it can't be you know unless this is done. There's going to be pain in the future richer yeah. If you take anything from this it is that I it is that paradigm shift because our whole society in our whole Marketing <hes> Kinda tells us that you're going to be happy with these things <hes> but you're exactly right we need exchange that paradigm from from success I and then happiness no happiness precedes success in fact the data tells us the researched it tells us that <hes> happiness precede success in fact happiness clauses success so focused not on your success focus on our raison d'etre right the Dalai Lama said that the <hes> the reason for life foods to pursue happiness right <hes> so if we put that I not in a selfish way in fact the best happiness is happiness that includes others but if we really focus on happiness <hes> virtuous happiness not short term pleasures but virtuous happiness and we have that foundation that creates upwards spirals that improve our relationships are partnerships are collaborations. Kids business impact do know that the data tells us Alex that when businesses embrace this they improve almost every measurable metric every measurable outcome in their business including the bottom line. That's that's profound. It's different. It's unique. This is niche for sure but the data tells us itself it when you define happiness me. happinesses is like trying to define with color green as I mean it's it's it can be hard to grant to geographic out in <hes> so Peterson Jason and his twelve rules for lice talks about happiness. Is it happiness or meaning in is it contentment with with what where you're at happiness happiness list without meaning and I'm quoting moniker here and others but happiness without meaning is merely pleasure right so so it is a little bit more <hes> in community building solid relationships <hes> and a deeper sense of happiness not that short term. I get happy when I eat snickers bars and I love doritos okay. That's short term but you're GONNA pay for that later so early is it really is a bottom line. It's being thoughtful about how you approach this in being intentional about how you approach this and quite frankly doing a little bit of the research so taking the extreme example Frankel found meaning in a concentration camp sick of the worst ever possible situation he was never going to be happy happy but he found meaning in that no one could change non could affect how he felt internally about things tackiness because it but it was the power to be control of one's own mind and not having emotionally real sure and once you give into the external things once you get into others and others define your happiness penis others define your response within. You've lost your opportunity so <hes> you know Franklin Covey famously talked about <hes> or I'm sorry Stephen Covey's the famously talked about <hes> bringing your our own sunshine. So what if it's raining outside so so what if somebody else is unhappy and they're affecting the climate in the room. It's how we respond to it. It's the same thing with stress I talk about stress us in the workshop stresses killer <hes> but but external stress is not going to change. It's always gonNA be there so it's how they respond to it. That's where we need to learn. It's not mitigating the external stress asked it's learning how we respond to it and taking ownership of my response as interesting because I have this this relationship of golf. We've been legally separated for a while but I've been there Korea thing. It's like I don't ever play well until I totally give up on the ramp and it's not so much like not caring but just I think I start to enjoy the walking and enjoy being outside in might take a little while but I just plays the first time six months and I was at rental clubs and butter was the wrong handed. 'cause I put less in it was raining putter. There's just not the right set of ABS in. I started out playing poorly Mozambique deal starting enjoying the walk. My is nice weather as joy. I knew realize it was the end the junior year one under for the last ten holes I had no idea but I had given up on the round about you know about fourteen rolls into it but I think it was just my mindset of just enjoying it enjoying enjoying that moment everything was was perfect in the weather visibility it see the mountains and everything and it's just but I think it goes to what you're saying. That success came after I was happy was doing what I would do. It yeah in that that is is another lesson no different than when we're driving in rush hour traffic. It's rush hour traffic. What do you expect in? You know victims of all drive. That is an unfair expectation. You're going to be miserable every time you drive. That's one of those things that we talked about. We'll laugh about in in when I speak and when I teach and everybody has that same experience and and I don't know how many times I've heard people say that that was one of the biggest changes in their life as they realized they have absolute no control over that they have absolutely no control over that and they're sitting in and traffic and all of a sudden. They're enjoying the music they're enjoying talk radio. They put on a podcast. They're making phone calls to family in relationships that maybe they normally wouldn't make there's a a great way to use that time when you're stuck in traffic but I do but I do love it Alex that you brought up sports listen to athletes especially golfers after a bad round or after a good game or after a good round and you start to hear things like confidence mindset attitude in how much that plays into our outcomes I was thinking about that actually preparing for this and I remember her. I think it was a friend Fred couples the Golfer who has taught me about how just not having people at negative thoughts around that was in negative comments that was really key in order to be to being that right mindset in the a lot of golfers just didn't like people with negative mindsets around them because they have a lot of things outside their controller dealing. Wasn't there trying to the white alone hole in that that keeping not letting Crete been talked about earlier. Oh we pick up on it from other this this discussion about athletics in a way underpins exactly what we're talking about because because we have all experienced <hes> the theses behind go positive and what I do. We've all had a presentation we had to give in and we just didn't have the right mindset. Set before handwrite didn't have confidence didn't prepare and we went into it with failure in our mind well then what of course was our outcome convy. We've all experienced that but then we had another presentation where we were so confident in excited we couldn't wait to give the presentation and re completely owned it. That's mindset. It's no different than when you're standing at the free. Throw line in your taking that moment to envision the ball going in. That's not about your muscles. That's about your brain. <hes> this idea of muscle memory your muscles don't have memory but your brain does so it's all about what's in our brain that is so critical <music> in so important performance begins with the brain and our people doing things is today's Kurt lifestyle is at detrimental to the brain and mindset softball quarry it of course of course absolutely <hes> T._v.. Marketing are playing upon our our psychology and our weaknesses in our lack of confidence <hes> no doubt about it social media. There's some fascinating research out there about social media in these social comparisons that naturally occur when we're on facebook and somebody on a shiny new car new house or look at how great my life is look at how wonderful my kids are will folks if if when you see that instead of being happy for them you know Oh wait hold it. I didn't get that new car. I didn't get that house. My kids aren't looked ever were off failing. We all make we're wired to compare ourselves. We are absolutely lutely wired. Compare ourselves that too is evolutionary because because early humankind it was all about social status who was going to be at the top and therefore <hes> survive in let their genes perpetuate right so so that that is so hard of our makeup but one of things that we talk about in one of the techniques that we talked about is limits your social media use in be aware of your responses to social media so much of it is wonderful. It's awesome awesome. It's fascinating but if we don't manage our mindset in our response we will default to a woe is me common common default that were wire for that for ten thousand thousand one in ten thousand years you have you seen any of the research on sleep and how that Tim backing people in their billy to manage your emotions absolutely sleep is is so important in the data from the last decade has has been fascinating. You know when we sleep. It's it's it's it's fascinating of course the brain is still working so when we sleep <hes> the brain is solving the problems of the day and Dan have have you ever woken up and you're in the shower and you had a good night's sleep and you're in the shower and your shampooing and you get this great idea and you go. Oh my God. It must be the shampoo. It's it's not the she up through your brain was solving the problems of the day subconsciously while you were sleeping but here's the other fascinating thing about sleep. That's our time of renewal. That's our time where our brain rose new neurons <hes> we we regenerate <hes> it gives power to our immune systems are cognitive abilities for the next day <hes>. It's very very powerful. Here's one unique thing that they must people don't know about sleep when we sleep <hes> our brain actually cleanses itself so we get spinal fluid and it goes into the cerebral cortex which is basically the macaroni part of the brain and the little macaroni the fishers actually opened up ever so slightly and the spinal fluid goes in and cleanses or brain it moves out the dead neurons it moves out the toxins from the day <hes> which is really really healthy for our brain part of the reason why <hes> sleep is so important to our cognitive abilities the next day personality the next day <hes> so I guess how long that process the cleanser our brain takes something in more than six hours. YOU'RE SO SMART Alex. Yeah you're right. It's it's about seven to eight hours. It takes so sleep is really really important. Morton to end it also is important to her happiness. Because we perform better we have better relationships were in better moods so getting sleep exercising exercises in other one. It's so important to our brain health <unk> our body health in her mental health and the studies in research is there to back it up at that's kind of burn the Golden Era Twenty years now actually see inside the brain and start to see what's going on the now they're now now. They're finding out why some of these techniques and concepts and other learn about sleep. You know what actually doesn't what the brain looks like. Wih Sleeping doubts yeah the ever since hence the advent of M._R._I.. And F._M.. Awry we don't have to wait until somebody has a damage to a certain part of their brain to determine what lights up in the brain and what affects out what part of the brain affects your ability to function to speak to learn to move our arms now we have 'em Orion can literally dive into the brain and determine where's the blood going in the brain. What's lighting up and it's it's been fascinating fascinating and then that's why so much of what we teach in talk about Alex is underpinned by the research because now we can pure inside the brain in when here's here's one thing that they they've been able to determine that the social pain <hes> is is lights up in the same area of the brain as physical pain which is which is which is really really fascinating so <hes> <hes> <hes> explain why we have no clearly issue yeah yeah in that you know that gets to addiction because <hes> dopamine is really important to feeling happy <music> when you feel happy and we do exercises <hes> purposely to execute happiness right and to get a release of dopamine or Serotonin are actually tocine? We'll do that on purpose during during the workshop <hes> and we get this release of of of dopamine which is a wonderful gift and it helps us to pursue our goals it we get on its key to the brain's reward pathway but that's also part of addiction that the people get addicted to drugs and that <hes> release of dopamine and they want more of it and they want more of it so it's a little bit of that double edged sword. I suppose drugs we although caffeine is technically technically drug coffee and red wine. I mean dopamine delivered dopamine for you yeah in it's it's it's that reminder of being intentional being control of our mindset APPs and everything in moderation those are words to live by well. We've covered a lot done any other thoughts before we wrap it up here and people the people know how a best industrial you well yeah in. It's just going back to the underpinning that scientists told us that we are different and we are better when we're happy optimistic and positive <hes> our brain changes are abilities change our intelligence changes our ability to collaborate and and build partnerships <hes> <hes> so it's not just the social virtue anymore. It is a paradigm shift in a way to <hes> take control of our life. Take Control of our outcomes. <hes> remember that that happiness recede success in fact happiness causes success and for intentional about that the world in the universe is going to bring us some really good things but it's up to us to control our own mindset sat there signs to support. That's right. That's right and that's what makes the so much fun people go. I know all visits really fun. It's really nice but it's baked in the science. I think we've entered this phase of. We people aren't starving to death anymore. We have the basic essentials but we're in this touted. We actually figure out how to live with all pundits and this is part of the process is how do you wire fire your brain. You make those decisions or to get the optimal outcomes and it doesn't happen just by accident. Some people might be born better to do this than others for sure. Some people might be genetically predisposed supposed to be happier and more puzzle versus. Maybe are negative cousins but if we're intentional about it and we do a little bit of the research man the outcomes are wonderful. How can people get in touch with you that they'd like to inquire higher by your workshops and the savory exercise savoring exercise yes savoring exercise <hes> let it sit there and our cranium a little bit longer so yeah yeah in thank you very much Alex to blast talking to you I this I._S.? Wonderful questions that I had last <hes> people could reach out to me even if they just want more information about what I'm doing or just supporting articles or supporting data or supporting studies <hes> Don at go positive without the E. DOT com or just go to my website. Go positive without the E.. Dot Com all right Donald. Thanks for coming on and aggregrate grade Eden. Thank you my friend. We'll talk to you soon. If you're liking confident are why we're even if you don't please leave us review I tunes or wherever you listen to this podcast. Thanks now is the chance to use reliable energy to grow your money with the Dominion Energy Reliability Investment. Our new investment product offers competitive returns no maintenance fees inflexible online access to your money. Make the reliable investment in reliable energy the Dominion Energy Reliability Investment to find out more go online to reliability investment dot com. That's reliability investment dot com right now you can get boats Fritz unlimited plan and the all new Samsung Galaxy S. ten included for just thirty five dollars per month per line for five lines. All you need is approved credit in.

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819: No One Escapes: Sales and Mental Health, with Amy Hrehovcik

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43:41 min | 5 months ago

819: No One Escapes: Sales and Mental Health, with Amy Hrehovcik

"Guided selling from ring DNA mixture entire sales team more effective by revealing exactly what Rep Sha do and when to do it guided selling works by transforming sales data into a curated list of prioritized sales actions. So in reps start their day, they'll never again wonder which prospects and accounts are hot inbound leads to reach out to next guided selling even shifts reps priority in response to real time buying signals. Finally even knew reps can sell season wants let ring DNA be your guide to success. Learn more at Ring Dana Dot com slash guided selling. That's ring DNA dot com slash guided selling. Impact. There are two things it wise. The results that you were getting a top performer like it was the snickering about Oh, it's has something to do with the way the. Like that's why you're hitting your number and you know that's a pretty pervasive. It gets in your head inception style and so there was that piece of it and then there was. Literally what you deal with from your prospects and sometimes clients as a female salesperson that is from Stu cater to your buyers. By friends welcome to the sales enablement podcast I'm your host Andy Cole. That was amy chick. She's challenge director at sales hacker and a few weeks ago I read an article that amy had written about the mental health challenges that sales people face day in and day out. And what particularly struck me about the article was amy's courage and revealing and talking about her own struggles with mental health. So I asked amy to come join us on the show to talk about mental health in sales and to share some more about her story and perhaps inspire any one of you who are listening to this to pay attention to your own feelings to seek out help or does someone to talk with if you're need. And sales has always been a lonely profession but never more. So the now when raw away from the office working from anywhere isolated from our colleagues and sources of support. So this is the first of all I plan will be frequent conversations about this topic so. Hope you enjoy it. Right let's jump into it. Amy Welcome to the show. Thank you Andy Delighted to be here Wasp pleasure have here. So where have you been hiding out during the pandemic? I have been. toughing it out on the Jersey shore with since since March. Yeah. Yes. I. Actually made the decision to come I write early on in the beginning and it's been particularly fine. During the summertime when you can just go to the beach. Will. Yeah. Okay so Jersey shore? My bad place to be. So you've written an article. About mental health challenges and sales, and and actually talking about your some of your own mental health challenges I read that most. Struck by such I need to invite amy to come on the show and talk about this is such an important topic. I'm so pleased to hear you say that because I obviously agree a little biased but agree wholeheartedly and I think more more notably. Your willingness to engage. So quickly with someone that just to your point wrote an article I, think it speaks to your character and you know I I'm honored as I said to be here and I'm excited to forward this particular dialogue For as long as as people are are excited or interested to to hear from my experiences while. While I'm glad you're here on. It's it's. I'm concerned that this gets to little notice because. To your point is when we talk about improving sales performance. Is. Rarely. Does. The topic competence I will. Okay. Well, what about? What about mental health as a component of that because it clearly has impact tonight. Speak from personal experience as well as. The darkest times when my sales career from a performance standpoint was when I was going through a divorce. You know as your marriage falls apart and so on is is you know the stresses and everything that come with that? Are. The habit you run you and you didn't you yeah, trying to. Sales is always been the SURF STOIC environmental resources to swallow feel. But has such a huge impact. You're absolutely right and. I think the impact that mental health has in I. Think any kind of performance based industry. Is is very real and I draw correlations to. Athletics quite. A, you know. I. Did listen to many of your podcast and I'm delighted that we can have this this. Kinda. Like common ground. So we could definitely talk about that. But yeah, any anywhere where you've got a performance based team of people mental health is a major factor but. To. Your point about being concerned that it's an that there's too little noticed on this. Topic is. is almost in my opinion like not strong enough a statement because it it's amazing how? Many people were we burn out. In the sales profession on all on all. Sides of this scale, the performance, Gail. So these are your failure to launch folks as well as your top performers who just straight burn out, and so the waste is is extreme but these are also human beings that we're talking about so. I started talking more about this about a year ago on my show is is that was inspired actually by. mentioned us by watching the show billions. And about I don't know if I watched billions but but a hedge fund. and. One of the key employees is a staff shrink. and. Here this high pressure trading environment. someone struggling with something on a personal level or they think they've hit a rough patch in just not connecting with the customer burned-out or whatever. Is the make an appointment with the staff psychiatrist for some talk therapy? And it's and it's struck me. It's like, wow, you know you look at sports and there's not a major league sports organization I pretty sure in the major sports and certainly soccer, which is my big one. They have staff psychologists, staff sports, psychologists they have people there to help because they know that. They're in performance as with individuals that have. Complex? Lives. And they struggle up this and so in order to help them perform when they're needed. They provide this level of support. Yeah. They have this resource and you know I think one of the reasons that the article has. Resonated as well as it as it has, was the the flipping of the message to the upside potential by. Taking the reins. On the mental health. Your team or a view as an individual, and that could obviously be the competitive advantage that it entails. But I I mention that because when you I can make the statement often an I'm laughing that I'm about to make it again. However I when I'm poking fun at ad sales leaders that are unwilling or uninterested in investing in their people to this level. The joke is you know I wonder how hard we bill belichick had to be convinced to hire sports psychologists to. Help not only his team get through the tough times but to mentally prepare and deal with even the nerves of of performing. Yeah. Well, I mean right. So you know one stat Strana quite a bit not about. Out mental health per se. But you know they're talking about coaching effective coaching and sales. the one study array sites is the single best thing you can do to contribute to uplift and performance like an eighteen percent improvement in performance based on fact of coaching. Well what we're talking about is if if you have. Applies to mental health as well. Right I mean for people who who are prepared does you said to encounter the stresses and prepared also to the know mentally how to deal with the stresses and the challenges and so on. Is. Yeah, the payback for making available. In I think in a sales organization of of. What the the cough would be Kazan office he had Bihar for startups but for. You on the tech world is tons of companies of sufficient size to say, yeah, we should have the a resource on staff if we're truly committed to being a performance based business. I mean I think that's one way of handling it. I think another way is to. Focus on the. Coaching skills. At the management level and I mean I think about all the one on ones that I've sat through as a seller or observed during my time in in sales enablement which has been about I. Don't know like five years now. And it's it's. Incredible how? Much Room for improvement there is on the on the management coaching side of the House and so yes, you know is a a specific dedicated resource like a therapist hopefully for if we're doing performance coaching, it's cognitive behavior therapy but. I think it can even be a little bit closer to home than than that. Sure. Yeah, well, SURF unpack this because you're I think it's so much it starts with just. and. You appoint those senior articles, just the culture that exists within most sales organizations. and. That really inhibits any conversation. And I, think it's it's not just that it's historically serve the zeal said STOIC Macho. Cultures. And something realization of come to a greater degree. Progressed further in my own career is that. It's fundamentally about fear you know that the most sales cultures driven by that fear of not hitting the number fear of being fired fear of. Disappointing people fear of not being enough or not feeling like enough officer the impostor. Syndrome. Fear of expectations new serve address this in your articles is. Very Real Syndrome, the psychologist occupy called achievement phobia, which is successes cause increased expectations and and it makes it hard for people to perform at that point. Because, they don't want to perform because they know if they do succeed. Moore's expect of them. No you're you're absolutely spot on. How. Do we balance the challenge? I think ultimate starts with how do we break the cycle of fear. That somehow you're considered less than if you admit. Either as a sales leader or doesn't contributor that. You've got issues you need to deal with. Oh my gosh it's so true Yeah. So I have a greenbelt in process improvement, which is only something I mentioned because I run everything through this process improvement filter and I apologize in advance for that because I know how fine like? That But. Yeah. So I think fears of big piece of it and. It reminds me of my one of my first books that I read as a as a aspiring salesperson which was feel the fear and do it anyway. But I think there's a bunch of other factors to and and like for example, lack of awareness. I forget the gentleman who wrote it, but it was a commencement speech at Kenyon College. I think in two thousand and five, and the topic was the subject was called. This is water and he starts off the commencement speech talking about how there's like three fish and they're all you know swimming together or there were two of our swimming past one other one and though the older fair says to the two little ones you know how's the water today and the too little I look at the older fishing and say what's water and? parable really resonated with me because I think there's a lack of awareness around what the problem is. How big it is. What the upside potential as as we've mentioned. and. Then of course, there's the systematic challenges that come into play like you know the unhealthy competition frameworks internally or lack of infrastructure for peer to peer development, which is the best way that sellers learn as we know so. and I'll even take it a step further on the management level. There's something called the four stages of competence and just really quickly the bottom is unconscious incompetence. So this is where that awareness comes in after that though comes the harder or the excuse me the hardest stage out of all of them, which is conscious incompetence moving through to his confidence, and then you know acting without doing habitually. So unconscious competence but anyway. In that third and is stage, you've really have to look at yourself and look at your own gaps in your your core competencies. You're your own skills and that's a hard thing to do hard thing to do I quoted to you know getting up and getting ready in the morning and staring at what what my women friends will know lovingly. As the Mirror of truth, which is that near Let's magnified like twenty times on your dresser, you apply makeup anyway. So staring in the mirror truth is hard and it's much easier to close the book or look away and I I think that that's a big part of of the problem as well and Ali's when were that you touched on in different podcast, which is this idea of not being able to institutionalize or operationalized the changes that we want to see happen. So I think that's another massive piece of that. Yeah. I mean just from a scoping standpoint as we talk about self awareness is you write in your article? salespeople are. Times. More likely to struggle with mental health symptoms than the average. American. And sort of interest were you were you found that our current? Data was. There's no from itself grade. Yes. So I had a phenomenal editor on this piece over its sales hacker Michael Aragon. Thank you. Michael. But anyway, we went back and forth about how to present the data at the beginning and I originally had the links in there. So. That would have I I'm glad you asked the question. So the numbers came from two places It was the CDC numbers of Americans that are reporting problems with symptoms, and it was for two years in a row. So it was last year and then this year and I believe Maybe, it was like the end of last year and then in in March or something to that effect but. Before cove it in then during Kovin, and then the second piece of that is is the research that is coming out of a phenomenal organization called the Sales Health Alliance and when I got into like actually like researching for this piece it, it was part totally expected to not find anything about sales and Menam but at the same time, I was delighted to come across the sales health alliance and and its founder Jeff but anyway so jeff has done some fantastic work about gathering data and you know packaging it in meaningful ways that drive these these conversations. So CDC and sales health lines. Right but I mean, let's just repeat that. So you people are listening. Understand is that. Three times more likely than average person to struggle with mental health symptoms so And will. Continue to dig into this but it's like To your point to have the self awareness to understand that. You may have felt this way for a long time I may think this is just a normal part of being in sales. But it's not yeah, it's not it's. It's not and the the challenge with not recognizing that you're what water is when you're in. And then you know the I reference also the filter bubble or the echo chamber that is just rages in in in our profession is it just perpetuates these you know inaccurate beliefs but yeah. So three sellers or three times more likely to struggle with mental health symptoms and I I'll even take that a step further when I first compared apples to apples both in the CDC studied to Jeff study done during identical time periods. I I then cross referenced it. In the middle of Cova. So I was able to look at the CDC numbers and the average American struggling with symptoms during Kovic and it had tripled right. So my my assumption and it's a loose one that I make in the article mostly for dramatic effect. But the idea is if the average American symptom rate has tripled now since Cova than what we think that's doing for the sales. People. And it's a staggering number when you when you get into it just to think that. Over ninety percent. That's what it ended up coming out at over ninety percent struggle with symptoms. But I think you know it's worth having a conversation of of scoping defining what counts as symptoms specifically ones that we can see feel and that that we can't necessarily see your. But anyway yeah it's just it's it's insane well unintended. Well the bottom line is no one escapes I, think right I in my. Long career. Working with hundreds of thousands of sellers, managers, and so on is is Jeff I don't think anyone ever escapes unscathed and the question is whether they ever did anything about it or them came and went or so on but. But. I was wondering. If we get into your story. Of course. So. You for dramatic and your your articles that. you spent time in a treatment facility, A and Toss what happened. Yeah. So I think it was a culmination of many things leading into the the treatment facility but I wanna just preface that by saying that I consider my story to be now like in two phases and the I was you know starting with the decision to seek treatment and then the second one and more interesting I think was reclaiming my power back after going through the system but you know just for for continuity sake the. The treatment piece of it. I mean, you're talking about fifteen years in sales at that point. So the top performance to as I mentioned but that's that's fifteen years of pressure and managing daily swings I don't WanNa like, Kinda. Just repeat what I didn't article but I misconstrued or misunderstood the idea of like how to handle those swings which. I think about when when I watched training day, you know the scene where Ethan Hawke Talks about? How he figured out the streets, it's just about controlling your smiles in your cries. So. It's like the same kind of thing with selling but I I. Chose the wrong way to control air quotes around control on the swings and I chose to freeze them out which was. An swing. Someone's gets being swings on emotion based on what's happening on job. But. Not just your performance but also. The environmental. Environments, your work done the cultures you worked in and so on. Oh Yeah. I mean the no support there's no resources most the time coaching that you're getting is is Fundamentally, inaccurate and wrong. And you know for me. I didn't I. Knew Very early on that I didn't want to be a sales manager and my as I mentioned in the article my last you're selling I, hit my annual quota three months into the month and it was a there was a boredom aspect to it. I'd like another story I'm I was on the upper west side and I was heading to a big law firm in midtown may be probably downtown actually and I was putting together my presentation. In the cab on the way to the the meeting. And it's like at that point, it's you know you're now mind you these are partners at some of the most prestigious law firms on the planet like Smart Brilliant People. But I, you know it was just it struck me as my gosh is his really come down to this that I can feel confident just putting this together and mind you nailed the meeting but there's a big board and piece to it and then the. Sets in when you look at like, what else do you do s know the princes that you've racked up so far and so especially when you says, it's so much value on your career like like I do. So that was hard and I will say that the icing the icing on the cake. was. The the me too movement and trump getting elected and recognizing the extent of like bro Tovia and in San Francisco where where I was. And it was. So there was a little bit of PTSD. He'd you know tossed in there because when you ice your feelings out for a decade or more you know you don't I there was a lot to process. There was a lot to process, and so I just realized I was out of my league and sought help. Yeah. Well. So two questions one is I. Mean in that environment you talked about serve the in the Proto Pia L. A. But our San Francisco also in in New York before that. You feel. Isolated. Being a woman in that environment. No wasn't about that. It was more. So there are two things it was the. Results that you were getting or as a top performer like it was the. snickering about Oh, it's has something to do with the way that you look like that's why you're heading your number and you know that's a pretty pervasive thought it's like it gets in your head inception style and so there was that piece of it and then there was Literally what you deal with from your prospects and sometimes Wyans as of female salesperson that is supposed to cater to your buyers and I. I was fortunate in the sense that I had a director who became a VP that was a mentor of mine and he after I told him one particular story was thank God was like you know what? Amy, any business that badly like. Like a prospect propositioning. Is Prospect being very inappropriate and you know it was beyond inappropriate that I actually said something about it because most of us are conditioned not to say anything about it and then the second piece. With well. Up With Rachel may last week I. Loved it. I loved it. I loved the common thread on your. Lincoln profile. But. Yeah. So that was a big part but then I also had a sales manager that was didn't want to hear about it and. There was one deal that was pretty important and we had worked on for Weil and We had rented black hard to take this particular prospect opted to dinner. And he Everybody, else had exited and as I'm leaving literally pulled me onto his lap and tried to kiss me, and now this is happening as we're walking into the restaurant. So, this is somebody you worked for the this was. Boss. Now this was a client or problems. Associated Prospect not a client even yet and the the hard part about it was not what happened but when I went to my manager about it, like it was his response was get to close the deal. You know and the under the not spoken. Remainder of that sentence what? was at any cost necessary. I mean, it was just insane like that's insane to. This I imagine in follow-up began with a conversation with Rachel. Is. For most men. Just, don't have any conception what's going on how often? The women in sales confront this. You know it's so funny that you're sitting. You're asking this question. I have no idea. I mean have you seen any was studies on this particular topic yet now because I think it's it's people are afraid to report. Yeah. It's there. So yeah, fear certainly but a big piece of it is we have been reporting it and nothing changes so Well. My Body. Yeah. But I was being more encompassing saying afraid of reporting it's not just women but I think it's back to the fear part with their managers. Is Suddenly This is a black market slam. So. That sweep I know the run. Yeah. So one of the things that I'm I'm working on is picking the next topic to write about and I'm full disclosure going back and forth between gender and sales, or you know the true impact of performance coaching and I I'm on the fence about it I'm on the fence about two important topics I I don't know part of me feels like I'm still a little bit too angry to write about the gender stuff. But I am reading this. Way, I yeah and one of the books I'm reading is called good mad and it it's like a deep dive into histories. Of like the the transformational power of women's anger. which also gets brushed under the rug so I don't know at. This is where the unlearn comes in like I'm challenging my own beliefs about. Is it. Where's the line about being mad? Publicly How's that going to be conveyed or received? which is another part of it well, mean, it's a good topic. I mean I I. Look at example like Rachel who just them enough was enough. And did something fairly unprecedented, which was naming names and I I think we're well past a point where. We should be. Seeing more of that. I mean, it's just it's. It's people have to understand that they have to be there consequences for their actions. It's Seems like a basics or parenting lesson. Men have been enabled by culture to do these things and expect they get away with. How do you do you change that? Much you call it out. And? It's IT's risky right? It's it's. It's an act of courage on Rachel's part even though she had no doubt that her boss Keenan was go back up but it was an act of Kirch let's she and so I've connected with Rachel since your show and she sent me the funniest message this morning about you know taking our our new like it. Relationship to the next level just joking around friendship. Let's have our first meeting and so I'm excited about that next week to just to get to know this brave courageous person that to your point You know said something about it when it's still not the norm to do. So instead of. I think that applies to you for sharing your story your mental health story is. Absolutely, what's known escapes? That's the thing that. I remember. Earl macro. There's a guy that I. It was sort of pure from an age group perspective but. He had. The amazing facility with people. I just made people feel instantly comfortable and. And I didn't have that. Right I'm sorry. The is an introvert and sales from beginning was extremely hard. Answer going against type for me and I thought you know this guy has got it. But I. Learned subsequent and so on that he was really struggling. So superficially looked looked fine but you know he was struggling and I've had numerous people have managed that you know. Addiction issues are other mental health challenges. Now. Myself died. Well. Into my career was traveling hundreds, thousands of miles per year. Around the world selling stuff I went to the airport when day. And I got on the plane and I had to get off. The blue. Anxiety attack I never had one before. What is going on? It's so true. This. Before nine eleven. So but even then they weren't. Happy, to have some. Sit on the plane and then not the last month hop up and leave I just couldn't have stayed on the plane. So. What did you do? How did you connect the dots between what was happening and like anxiety attack? Well. I figured out pretty quickly. It wasn't a heart attack. But. But yeah. Now I just it was clear to me exactly what it was and. So. Yeah. So that Over time lead to me seeking out down to some of that. Goes my business like I couldn't not get on airplanes and. But there was a period of a number of years where. Now flying was extremely challenging. Yeah. So I just a quick rephrase on the on the question I I should have been clearer and that was. There's a disconnect between you know feeling a certain way and taking a moment to You know really think about where that feeling is coming from and I. I'm to bring this back to my story and I can I can relate to your point is is Yemen. There's things guy talked before is this is going on in my my marriage that were extremely difficult and. Edition working at a high stress startup job and and. Are Lots of contributing factors. It didn't just materialize out of nowhere. Yeah. Yeah. So. That's Definitely the truth that takes a little bit of time to kind of build up to that point but I think that what's More. Hopeful or worth noting at this moment is how quickly anxiety evaporates when you connect it to a source and I experienced this for the first time probably bow three or four months ago and It was in the context of this phenomena website, which I gotta I gotta mention it's called work responsibly dot org and designed beautifully it wins awards for for the website but anyway. It's A. curated. Collection of resources about how to work responsibly, and one of them is called. You feel like Shit, dot com. And you're supposed to go in in the moment that you feel like shed and it walks you through. Okay. Have you eat when was the last time? You've Ian Wright? Was the last time that you you know had something to drink go get something to drink how how much sleep did you get last night and and I I mentioned this moment because I I don't necessarily I don't be anxiety never one of the things for me delighted to talk about some of those symptoms by anxiety wasn't one of them however. I recognized when I when I when it started and it was unusual and so. I walked through these steps and then I got to the third step on again you feeling shit dot com and they said, they asked you about your sleep and I realized that I didn't sleep well the night before and not is something actually that I have struggled with and I know better that right around three o'clock. That's when like for me personally the paranoia kicks in and so in that moment though when I connected the dots between the way that I'm feeling right now again, which is that function of step one get present an evaluation to okay. Where did this feeling come from? It. Evaporated I mean I I've never experienced anything what like it it just. Dissipated in like two seconds. and. I also feel like we're not talking about. You know some of the easy ways to kind of manage in real time like the feelings that you're having. Well there's all these tools out there I, mean I. Got My head space subscription my calm subscription i. Do the breathing exercises. I love the breathing exercise on Com. TALKING TO A. FRIEND IS PRESIDENT OF A. high-profile star up in San Francisco and. For him it's. Ten fifteen a day with had space. Yeah it's just been. The way to. Keep all the. All the Beastie at. Bay. Yeah I. It's a great one. Do Andy would you mind if I like maybe less out a couple more that have worked? On. So I think it just kind of staying true to those steps. as I said cvt therapy cognitive behavioral therapy is incredible canal even take it a step further for those that have never participated in talk therapy. It can be annoying to connect with the right therapist and sometimes there's a a period of you know just kind of like dating around for a while for lack of better analogy however better help had has really done a phenomenal job with their on boarding and connecting process. So you know shockingly technology helps to make things better when used appropriately. So better help we'll help hack that you know that that dating period and and they really do a phenomenal job connecting you with with somebody that specializes or has an expertise in what you described better help dot com. Yeah. Better help dot com also very timely thorough things to as. It was sort of. Alluded to in the tedtalk linked to Sean Acre. which I'd read about earlier in the pandemic and I think just Made so much sense which was. First I all turn off twitter. And is you just have to serve quiet the noise? and. We talked about as as I think is important and this was somebody advice given a psychologist back in March I'd read. Read enough to stay safe. And then that's In terms of the the Daily News. Yeah. Yeah Yeah I think it's as you referred to earlier I mean. Everybody's been feeling these attendant anxieties during covert literally everyone And Yeah, you need to take steps to. Keep everything in check. Yeah. It's. It's spot on and I actually want to put a pin next to the social media or specifically linked in because I think that's a key piece of this topic that's worth noting but. Yeah according the noise massive I think. My time selling information services like that that changes you and so. You interact with information or data differently when you know how to. Assign a dollar amount to its value, which is a function by the way of connecting it to business decisions and the person making the decision in that moment. So real time but anyway, I I've now is like really cultivated a very healthy disdain for both white noise and misinformation, and so it plays nicely though into this step two, which is eliminate. So cut out social media that was a big part for phase one for me, I mean I'm still not back on facebook or or Instagram and like tiptoeing around linked in if I'm being honest. But it's also the news feed to your point and I'll even take further like I actually canceled or you know pause my subscription to Netflix HBO so that I could triple down on like reading books right now, which is something that I had identified as a during evaluate phase something that recharges me, and so that's been. In A fun way to kind of you know pushed the boundaries, my own personal boundaries on eliminating something that I love for a short period of time to. Kind of hacked the whatever kind of results I'm looking for on. Performance or mental health side. So. That's been amazing to. Yeah. But we're GONNA unfortunately running on time but Bring continue conversational back again we'll. We'll spend more time talking about it. It's it's. Such an important topic, it's so tied into performance and increasingly. That's topic we're dealing with here on the show was, how do we improve performance and there's so many dimensions to it. That don't include. Making more calls so We'll start with. Positive back then we'll move on from there so. Amy It's been a pleasure to talk with you. Well, thank you Andy It's been a pleasure true pleasure to be here. Thanks. Of people want to connect with you Lincoln best way to. Lincoln is the best way to do it. Also, I'm I'm very active as the director for the e channel on this sales hacker community. So Play with us over there to art. Perfect, amy. Thank you. Thank you, Andy. Okay, friends that's it for this episode, I WanNa, thank you for taking the time to listen. So grateful for your support of the show. And I think our special guest Amy Raho chick for sharing her story with us today. Enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to this podcast sales enablement with Andy Paul Itunes spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts. Can also leave us a rating review. Let us know how we're doing and we'd certainly appreciate that you all on your phone and less than a minute. Soon, as this episode is over, so thanks for your help and thank you so much for investing your time with us today. Until next time I'm your host anti-poll. Good Seller. Ring DNA is the leading sales enablement platform that uses a I to help scale business growth. Trusted by the top companies across the globe ring DNA offers a suite of powerful tools for every sales role. During, DNA dialer radically improved sales productivity and call connection rates while guided selling helps reps know exactly what to do and when to do it. CONVERSATION AI uses artificial intelligence to surface the most impactful coaching opportunities in real time. So no matter where your team's working from the ring DNA platform can help them exponentially increase call connections, opportunities, and revenue learn more at ring. DNA dot com slash platform that's ring DNA dot com slash platform.

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Childlike Gratitude. Healthiest Wine Ever. Enneagram Numbers When Secure. Cleaning Your Dishwasher. (#30)

4 Things with Amy Brown

38:44 min | 1 year ago

Childlike Gratitude. Healthiest Wine Ever. Enneagram Numbers When Secure. Cleaning Your Dishwasher. (#30)

"As a parent, one thing, I definitely don't wanna have to worry about is our car's tires. Fortunately, the folks over at Michelin thinks so too. That's why Michelin supports testing of warn tire stopping performance of tires need to stop safely, not just now but down the road with Michelin's premier AS tires. Parents have one less thing to worry about knowing that their tires are designed to deliver reliable wet, traction, even a warned state because when you've got kids on board every stop counts Michelin performance, every time. Never. Little for you. Oh, thirty was pretty beautiful thing. Back for little mouth. Exciting because. Kick. With Amy Brown. Welcome to another episode two four things. Amy, and I got my kids in here with me today, and they're actually going to join in on one of the things that's zero in back, that Stevenson that, okay? Okay, we'll get not to. Who's ever little tell them to make sure they listen to all four things. You listen of what thing to Mielke, Nasr day. Oh, my fade is stuck in. Okay. Bye. Okay. Bye. So I got my kids of here at work with me because that's life and some people Email me, and they're like, how do you juggle all the things and I'm like my don't like if you were fly on the wall of my life, you would be like everything is a hot mess like, wow, she's not juggling all the things, but somehow to some of you, it appears as though I have it all together, which is amazing. But the kids, I had them up here with me, so they did a little thing with me today on gratitude because I have done that before where I talked about making sure that you express gratitude, and blah, blah, blah, but I think you can you need to some of you were over thinking it, and you're like it's just so hard to come up with things and trust me. I do the same thing like it's overwhelming to have to jot that stuff down every day, or maybe keep a journal or something. But which a four things ready to journalists something Mary, and I've been talking about for a really long time. I've probably told you guys about it, but we just wanna make sure that it's right in it fits, and it could be a part of a spa and support Haiti and the whole thing. But any who I thought I bring the kids on because we could all approach it from more of a childlike perspective. And that might make it easier because some days, you might rethink for something like, really simple. And you might be like, oh, this is like the childish, but who cares just you can still have gratitude for all the things. So I've got them on today. Then I am going to. To talk to you about my favorite wine. Delivery company is not a commercial and I promise you, when you listen to it, you'll be like, okay, Stephanie, not a commercial. But some of you, I get quite legit questions like I'm trying to find healthier things to drink. And this like the healthiest wine known to man that I found, and it's organic and all the things no sugar. So it's a club that I joined about a year ago. So I've been doing it for a year. So obviously I like it. But I, I share with you, in the recording in the thing that I have friends that maybe don't like it. But it's my job to tell you about the things and then I have hunter back on our any agreem- experts at hunter. At any Graham hunter on Instagram and he's talking about movement with the Ingraham and where you go in times of security. So last week, he was talking on talking about where you go in times of stress and today, he's sharing where you go when you're feeling really secure. And then did y'all know that you're supposed to clean your dishwasher, because I did not. And so I go over that, and we talk about it. And I can't I can't even believe this is the thing. So you need to know about it. If you have a dishwasher in your home, clearly you need to know this as well. And I highly doubt any of you have been cleaning, your dishwasher? So we'll talk about that. And then don't forget, at the end of every episode, I always have my Email. Shoutout. I really appreciate y'all sending emails. It's super awesome to go through them. And just see how we're connecting see your questions for the QNA episode that's every Tuesday. And then also just your thoughts and things that you're sharing and cool stories. And when Yeltsin pictures of stuff, then I don't know, just feel like it's another way for us to get to know each other. So thank you for that. And the Email shutout will. At the end of that. I. I have two guests with me, my son Stevenson, who's eight and my daughter still who is twelve can y'all say, hi, okay. Do each to say, hi. So that people can tell your voices apart. Stevenson, you say, hi. Hi, a case does. Or now, you say, hi Stevenson. You were supposed to last sheera to it. I okay so high there you go bed. So I brought the kids on today to talk about things that were grateful for ingratitude now, I've done a thing in the past on the podcast, where I was encouraging y'all just in the theme of the four things to jot down four things that you're grateful for because Burnett Brown says, there's no joy without gratitude. And if you're trying to seek that true, joy, you need to recognize the things that you're thankful for. And you know, it helps if you write it down that way, it puts it there, and it's in your mind. And it's something that you see, and you can reflect upon it. Then Stevenson at the end of the school year, had a homework assignment where you had a gratitude journal, and so like okay, well, this could be another thing where I think, sometimes we don't need to approach it. Like it's some crazy thing like we can approach it like a kid would approach it like a child, like manner. Like when you're a kid, it's easy to rattle off things that your thing before, like Stevenson Winterson things that you're grateful for. I think go for a mall in my dad is she'll and think of full fully close and close a have in my shoes, sex lawn and kala guys votes sweet. So in your her. You do. I can tell you care about car cars are dog. So in your gratitude journal that you had to turn in for school. You put you put a couple of things about me. So I just want to confirm that you really were you just doing it to get a grade. Or did you really mean it leaned it really like you said, you were grateful for when I smile at you? Okay. You said my mom is nice because she takes care of me. And then also you put I admire my mom, because she's kind and she talks a lot, and she has lots of friends. Wait, wait. What added to it will get on the microphone are you? Yeah. You so you had a gratitude journal to while. I never saw it. I never show you it will why didn't you show me? Okay. So would you like to share with us things that you're grateful for that? I think of my family and he house in a wolf in the food in. Stevenson. Do you have more technology? I have more did you just say, secure technology? Yeah. Yeah. Because that's what I always do. TV your want. Oh. So she just got wireless headphones out. She definitely loves technology. That's a good thing to be thankful for. I'm actually it's perfect, because this podcast is technology. So I'm super thankful for it to. That's a good one and two. I want you to know that I'm very thankful for the both of you. And I'm thankful for dad and thankful for Haiti and I'm thankful for your mom's we pray for your Haiti moms every night. Don't we pretty much? Right. So those are things that I'm thankful for I think of the two together in together in what about target. I feel like L are both thankful for target and gum. Yeah. I think slow gum so much love. Gome mum gay love gum. I do love gum. Let's gum. You don't like sweet gum. What kind of gum do me are you the meant one? I liked them in t one, I'd like to onto your like every gums, and popcorn y'all are thankful for popcorn. Yeah. I also think y'all are both thankful for ice cream. Oh, yeah. I should put it good one. Okay. All right. So there you go. This is just a reminder that we can all be thankful for something. And it doesn't have to be the super complicated thing reset down. You have to think of like, really elaborate things that you're grateful for it can be really simple things, but you're still expressing gratitude and Stevenson and stuff, sheera. I feel like you both shared some pretty awesome things so thin by Punto for doing that. Yes. So much. Thank you. Specia-. Okay. Abby. You're welcome new. Welcome. The next thing we're going to talk about is wine. And this wine club that I joined about a year ago. It's called dry farms wine or dry farm wines. This is not a commercial whatsoever. In fact, all even say that I personally love it, but I have a friend named Amy, the does my lashes, shutout, if you're listening and pretty sure she tried it out and choose like um. No, like I'm just I'm not going to be a member of this club. She didn't really like it. But I think she has more of I don't know she likes more particular types of wine whereas, I'm not as picky. And she said she'd have to drink and entire bottle to kind of get like a buzz or whatever which, you know, that doesn't I'm talking about where you like have a glass of wine, and you just feel like chill allow your calm down you relaxed, and I can have like a Glasser too. And I'm like, okay, this is amazing. But so Amy NAR just a little different on that. So now you'll know full disclosure. This isn't any sort of like commercials situation. But I do feel like it's something that. I do enjoy so much that I wanna tell you about it, and you can join, and be a member, and then you'll get six bottles of wine every month and it just shows up in the mail, and you can specify if you wanna be a white wine person, or red wine person, or like mixed, I think they do mix. Maybe they'll send you three red and three white. But here's why like dry farm wines, is because I, I learned about it from Dave Asprey, who's the main dude around bulletproof brands, so bulletproof coffee. He's all about, you know, no sugar, and really healthy things and biohacking, and I think I in fact, I think his quote like regarding the swine, like the ultimate bio hacked wine because somehow it doesn't have any sugar, and it's biodynamic, which means it's organic through and through, sometimes when you're buying, quote unquote, organic wine, it's just like the grapes, that were organic, but biodynamic means the whole process, and the, the whole process men, Oregon and everything's been taken. Into consideration from soil to whatever I mean I'm not an expert here. But the dry farm winds. They're all natural there. Additive free their lab tested for purity their sugar, free and low alcohol. So if you're paleo, Kito, Nido, whatever whatever you are like it's good for you. So sometimes when you're drinking wine and, you know, you're out, you might be getting a lot of unnecessary sugar. But when you buy from this company, which I wish you could just like go buy it somewhere. But you can't that I know of unless you join the club and then you get a bottle, which I need to be better about this. Like you get a bottle that you really like and you know that it's, it's a brand or whatever that you enjoyed you should write it down. And see if you can source it somewhere else in order, like a case of it or something, that's what I need to do. Because honestly, sometimes my husband now opened up a bottle and be like. This one is just not that good. But you're like, oh, well, we have five more, you know, to last us the rest of the month and you work, your way through it, and then I just would be artery cautious of like if you gift these because then they might be like, oh, this is not very good. But unless it's one that you've tried, and you're like, oh, this amazing now I'm really not selling this. I'm actually, like, making it sound worse, but it's for health focused people, and I know a lot of you listening are wanting healthy options, and I feel like if I'm not telling you about this, then I'm not being your friend because I think that it's, it's great like. I know it's going to be hard believe based on certain things that I've said in the last couple of minutes, but I would highly recommend this, and I just loved it. It's doesn't have any sugar. And in fact, it's been so long since I've just had a random red wine from somewhere that if I go to a restaurant and just order a glass of red wine and I don't even know what's in it like it's not biodynamic. It's does it is full of sugar and all other kinds of additives and whatnot. I see it in my face. At least I'm convinced that I have seen it because I've done it twice recently where I have been only been drinking. My, my dry, farm, wines, biodynamic wine at home. That's it. No other wine. And then two times that I've been out in public, and I've decided not to have to Quila and decided to go for, like, the house wine, I have seen my face has like I've gotten these, like big bumps on my face, and I. That's how in tune, I am sometimes with what's happening with my body. I am convinced that the bumps on my face showed up because of the questionable. Line. I was partaking in so there you have it. That's why I'm a fan of the dry farm wines, and I stick to my the wine, I control at home, and I drink that, and I know it's good for me. And then if I'm out in out and about, and I don't have control. I try to do like a clear tequila or vodka or something like that. So if you're not twenty one near Latina this little thing. Sorry, put this in your back pocket until you turn twenty one or you're or you're hanging out responsibly with your parents. Okay. Everything is better when it's pure better for our bodies better for the environment. That's why pure by Tampax are always is a personal hygiene choice that you can feel good about Tampax tampons features a one hundred percent organic cotton core. Always pure pats have a top layer made wit sustainably sourced cotton that is gentle on your skin and both are free of dyes fragrances in chlorine, bleaching. But here's something you can feel even better about for every specially marked pure pack purchase Tampax and always will donate one pattern tampon to help end period poverty. That's right. Period, poverty, because one of my girls in the US they miss school due to lack of access to period products. So do something you can feel good about for yourself and girls across the country. Pure by Tampax are always available at your local Walgreens and Walgreens dot com. Plus get a twenty dollars rebate on a purchase. A fifty dollars details at wags rebate dot com. That's wags rebate dot com. You're Akiko, we design and deliver hands on projects for kids. The next generation of innovators is started Kiwi co because I wanted my kids to see themselves as creative problem, solvers, and makers, and as a parent, a no can be tough to come up with ways to foster creativity and learning and encourage new discoveries Kiko delivers super cool hands on projects for kids every month projects, like science, experiments engineering, challenges and art and design techniques that make learning seriously fun and engaging each one is designed by experts and tested by kids. We offer seven different lines for kids ranging from baby through teen. So there's a perfect one for every kid in your life with Kiwi. Co your child is empowered to not just make a project, but to make a difference. To learn more, go to Kiwi co dot com slash iheart. And you can receive your first great for free. Again, that's key. Oh dot com slash iheart. As promise you've got hunter Mobely back to talk about the any grant back. Yes. So last week talked about stress, so everyone has their core. India Graham number, which any Graham is just personality tool, and we all have a number. I'm three hundred to my husband's an I my sister's nine front. Mary's a six like everybody's got a number. You can kinda use it in your relationships, and it's kind of fun. This is fun, not fun. If people starting to point out your negative. But, you know, whatever it's, it's interesting to study and learn about, and hopefully, we'll be beneficial to people if they really start to understand it. But, you know, we all have our core number which is gives us a lot about our personality traits. The awesome things in the maybe the not so often, but then we have we have wings, which we've gone over and previous episode. But then last week we touched on where we go in times of stress. So this week, we're gonna talk about where we go in times of security. So explain what, what that might look like me. So, so first of all, people need to kind of realize that when you're looking at the image, you see all these lines. We talked about this last week, but you've got to lines going from your core. Number two other numbers. One of those lines is representing a move that you make in stress and the other line is representing a move that you make insecurity. So we kind of all know intuitively, what stress is right. You know, we, we feel stress every day, we're. Stressed in traffic? We're stressed at home. We're stressed at work, sometimes. But it's harder for us to know what to security, even mean. Right and curious what security means. In terms of the India Graham is anytime, we're kind of in the ruts of life anytime. We're just like in the groove. So, so work is a secure place for a lot of people even though maybe it stressful. Maybe it's not exactly work that you wanna be doing, but just if it's in the ruts in the groove, you just know what's expected of you. That's a place of security, and so- insecurity. We can go get some behaviors from another any Graham number and kind of borrow from those behaviors. And so for me is to go borrow from four insecurity. And so what that means for me is to, as I can go and get some stuff from Ford that's creative. I can go get some introspective stuff from four that usually twos. Don't have a lot of that twos aren't very interior focused there. More outward-looking, but force or really interior focus, so I can go get some of that good stuff. And the idea is that in, in that move in stress. You actually make that move in stress to take care of yourself, but insecurity, you make that move to find your deepest places of meaning and vocation and calling and transformation. Okay. Wow. So as three where do I go insecurity? So is the three you go to six in security. And so this is whereas three you're able, threes are usually kind of a little bit more oriented to their own personal success in chievements, but sixes are oriented toward the achievement and the success of a group. So when you are in a secure place when you're kind of in the good ruts of life, and you kind of are in the groove, you're actually able to borrow from six stuff, which is where you're able to, to want the whole family. The whole group to rise. It's where you're able to, to want other people to give you feedback and able to take that in, in good ways. It's where you're able to ask good questions and not just kind of charge forward with your own agendas, or your own kind of plants. And so it's a good kind of common good place for you to go and camp for a while as a three is in that six space. I like that. But the thing we kinda need to remember is in the same way that we don't we don't automatically have to go to the bad unhealthy place in that stress move. We don't offer Matic, -ly, go, get the healthy stuff in our security, gear insecurity. Do we go? Get on how can it? That's why we need to know. Tell me what I would go, get, as an if I was if as a three if I'm going to six in security, but I'm going on healthy, if you're going on healthy to six that is where it starts to look like you might be spiraling into some worst case. Scenario, thinking, okay. So that's where you might have a bump on your arm. And before you know, you've talked yourself into it. Some really bad thing. I'm dying. Yes. Yeah. So I do that, if I just got a web MD. Yes. Probably nobody should ever go to web MD. But so, so that's you know, so you can go get the unhealthy side of your security number, or you can go get all that good. Six common. Good. Loyalty, dedication on the glue of my family. Kinda good six stuff. So I think we really need to know about these moves and stress and security because you don't have to know about the Graham to be making these moves all the time you make these moves. You know, whether you know, not is this more interesting to understand why exactly. And it's end if you know it and understand it, then you can make sure you're making the move in a healthy way. And not in an unhealthy way. Yeah, that's kind of the big point I feel like. You know, sometimes is that I help people if they're really intimidate NeoGraft understand where they are in life because like maybe you don't even realize you're stressed. But then you start noticing yourself doing, like some of your stress numbers stuff, and you're like, oh, wait pause. Am I stress right now? This just sometimes we're just like going. We're go go go go, go don't realize what's happening around us. So I have a friend who's a seven seven's are happy. Go look fun loving up seven. And so he called his mom when he knew the Graham, and he said, hey, mom, I'm really, really stressed on probably need to talk through something with you. And she said, well, what are you stressed about? He said, well, I don't know. She said, well, how do you know that you're stress he said, because I've just organized my closet by color, and I've put everything in his place. And so that's where seven's go to one and stress. And he knew that if he if a seven was organized in their closet by color stress is present. Yeah. See okay? So he was aware. Yes, I loved that sevens are, so my friend Gracie. She's a seven she's all about, like fun like everything servants. Or all are we going to have Everyday's snow? This isn't this isn't fun for me right now. Somebody fix this. The worst thing. That's the worst thing for sevens is to be kind of like trapped in a situation. That's not fun. Yes. And she'll she's vocal about she'll like, even showed up, like tell her husband like, I'm so sorry, but what's happening right now is just like zero percents, and we need to, like make something happen in because he's not a seven. I was like, okay, but no, it's fun to have a friend like that always there. But then you don't want to be the cause of them to not be having exactly. And the beautiful thing for sevens is when they walked toward their kind of any Graham transformation journey. They learn to find sober joy, as well joy that isn't always just spontaneous adventure, seeking funds. So sevens in healthy space kind of learn to fund the fund in the. Moment and find the funding the mundane with the rest of us. So there's times of stress which we talked about last week. If you missed that episode go back and listen to it, and then there's times of security, but overall like any Graham again. You're just you're just using it as a tool in your toolbox. You recommend that people try to if they work with a team of people to implement like the any Graham into their circle. I wish that the Bobby bones show would do it. I mean, Bobby, I know has touched on it, but I feel like maybe as a show if we all did it, and then, like, had, like went till I am GAM. Oh, it's so good. I do that. All the I work with teams all the time and what I find is the grand provides some de-escalating language, once you just kinda know about your number and know the number of the people around you. Sometimes it just deescalate s-, the things that kinda rub us wrong about people that we work with. Right. It helped me to know when I did this with my staff. That I work with I learned that I was working with a five, and we have an all types of relationship conflict, and once we were able to understand what fives look like. And what twos look like we were able to just kinda learn to love each other and better ways and learn to kind of accept each other's differences, better because we had a language for it right else. Tiny, like example, has nothing to do with like the exact any Graham number. But and like, I don't know this might be for your guy girl, but girls have their time of the month. I work with Bobby and every morning, like if it's that time like I can come in and give him a heads up or helped us already kind of know 'cause he can tell. And he's like, oh, or even my friend, Mary, or my husband bit, like she'll like this, actually this actually happened to marry this month, I think I said something to her, like, oh, PM saying, and she was like, okay that makes sense. Roy, it was like okay, suddenly making sense. Now that is like, obviously only example that applies to females and has nothing to do with any Graham, but it shows how. Just having a heads up on what's going on. With someone helps you instantly realize, like, oh, that makes sense. And then suddenly, you're not there's there's the conflict, sorta goes away for there's empathy or there's you understand, and you're like there's grace, okay I'm gonna let that slide because that's not you're talking the monster that lives in new or something. The Ingraham is a compassion till. You're right. So that's how I love saying that compassionate compassion, passion for self and compassion for the people that you love and work with. Yeah. No, that's huge. So it can be highly beneficial in a workplace, but also in a home space. And then, you know, some parents, I know try to figure out their kids. Right. And then use that once, even though their kids may be sure totally have it, but we should talk about this. There's kind of almost categories of numbers that I think sometimes show up where you can see not necessarily, what number your kid is. But sometimes you can see what grouping of numbers, your kid might be an start to just kind of respond to them in ways that are helpful for that grouping of numbers, and then they may respond to you in a more respectful hope. Hope my parent manner, and maybe less therapy later in life. That's what I'm struggling with a lot right now is, like, what, what, what are we doing to our kids that caused them to end up in therapy? We're all doing something right? But hopefully we're doing the best we can and tools like the Graham can help us just become the best versions of ourselves that ultimately spills over into how we live with our kids and how we live with our co workers and all the people we love. Oh, hunters got a lot of wisdom about the Graham. And you can check him out any Graham hunter on Facebook, every Wednesday, he sounds like a fun, little bay on Facebook about any Graham or you can follow me on Instagram. You can check out his website, Graham, hunter dot com to see where he may be you'll be able to go. See him, speak about the Ingraham somewhere. So thank you hunter four coming on as usual. Got my friend chased here for this thing. And I'm just curious chasing me. I know you're a guy so I don't know. Do you do? The do the dishes. I'm totally serious. Yeah. I don't do him often, but I do have to myself. Well, okay. So if you don't do them, they don't get done so dishwasher. Have you ever cleaned? It. No. I mean, what's the point in having a dishwasher, if you have to clean it? Exactly. Claims things. Things inside of it. Why would you need? I know. But I was following my friend, Lauren Petrosky in Eric Brenes on Instagram, and they were at some like I dunno event one night where they learned that they're supposed to be cleaning the dishwasher, like you run it through, like a cleaning cycle, and I have never done this in my entire life. And I had no idea. So now I was kind of I was intrigued. So I did some research and sure enough. Yeah, people clean their dishwashers and we should be doing to in. You can do it with vinegar. It's really easy. Oh, so there's not a cleaning cycle button. Now. It's only. Yeah, well you put vinegar in the dishwasher, an empty dishwasher, you're you're doing this on a completely empty cycle. So you place a Cup of white vinegar in a dishwasher safe container on the upper rack of the machine. And so I'm assuming it's facing up and the vinegars in there. I don't know because I feel like. If you're in a dump and over it would dump everywhere. So this is just, you know, logic here and then you run the dishwasher through a hot water cycle, and this will wash away any grease and grime and remove musty odors, and I know that some people have dealt with musty odors coming up from their dishwasher. So maybe this will help with that. And then that's, that's an issue, I've had with my washing machine before for close like a front, loader, probably wouldn't suggest doing the same thing. No, actually. Yeah. I looked it up. Funny. We didn't even talk about this before, but you should be cleaning your washing machine and once a month. I know so good news hot water or the cleaning cycle. But I mean, hot water is just fine. Poor two cups of white vinegar into the detergent dispenser. I didn't even know. I guess it's going to seat back in there because I feel like two cups would overflow because that's like the full line. I don't know just found this was just a recommendation on this on the internet. But so I guess pours much vinegar into that, bad, boys. You can and run a hot water cleaning cycle on it. You can also use a commercial washing machine cleaner, such as smelly washer. That's the thing but vinegar is more cost effective. And just as officials and I feel like that saying it's everything is vinegar, isn't it? I like that's what I read. I saw something and I have never tried this. But Botka is also a cleaner. No, I read that people that didn't want to wash their clothes or they. Have time or I don't know they would put vodka in a spray bottle and like say your genes kind of had an odor to them, which I have talked about putting jeans on this podcast before in the freezer or the oven, two ways you can. Yeah. That Kyrie I guess if you don't want to wash your jeans you can spray vodka on your clothes, and it'll get the wrinkles out and the older and it doesn't smell like alcohol because I was like that would be really bad, if you sprayed you're close down and then you were driving. And you got pulled over in there, like mayhem in your life. So I haven't had anything to drink. I just didn't want to wash my clothes who wants to waste vodka. Well, no, it actually is by cheap vodka, and it's a cheaper way to do it. Then I mean, the freezers sort of free. I listen, I don't know. Maybe it was also a way to get stains out. But I could hear about that. Yeah, we're just like winging it here, but really the whole point of this thing was to talk about cleaning your dishwasher, because literally, I'm thirty eight years old, and never cleaned my dishwasher. And now I know and I'm going to go home, and I'm going to put the Cup white vinegar, and the top rack, and I'm going to do it because I feel like we're all going to be better for this. We're all better for it. Yeah. You're welcome. Okay. That's a wrap on today's episode. I got my Email shout out here today from Jennifer. And I guess she had listened to last week's episode and then sent this. Hey, me loved the podcast and just wanted to send a quick note today about the episode science of happiness. I love that you touched on this. There's a book by Sean, acre may acting that's how you say his name called the happiness advantage and it's all about the signs of happiness. He's a positive psychology researcher from Harvard and has all sorts of strategies about choosing happiness every day. Second thing I wanted to touch on was eating whole foods and shopping, the perimeter, I also do this myself another tip to make this easier that I've found is now I order, all of my, I'll food from Amazon or thrive market, or brand lists online, so that they're shipped to my house. And then when I go to the grocery store, I only have to shop the perimeter because I get everything else delivered to me. It's been a great way to save time at the grocery store and. Encourages my whole foods eating habit. Hope you have a great day. So I just thought that was to really amazing tips like a book you could check out and then also tip for, if you're really struggling with some of the processed foods if you're like, oh, when you go down the aisle. You're like I can't avoid it. Well, this is a way to avoid it. If you've gotta get anything on the inside have it sent to your house? And then when you go to the store, shop, the perimeter. So Jennifer, thank you for emailing. Thanks for listening and something, I'm gonna tell you guys about, which we haven't really told many people about at all. I do s spoil lives just a heads up on Friday night. I run the shop as spa Instagram account, and every once in a while on Friday nights Marion, I will do what we call a Friday Night Live, where we go on our Instagram, and we do alive and we talked to you for an hour and we'll interact with you and take calls will, I mean, like face to face hurry. Call it. I don't really know the lingo, but you know we connect with you. And then boom, you, you pop up on the screen, and then we're talking and having a good time. So. So we disclose this last Friday night, that were doing a four things patriotic shirt, because so many people loved all the pimp and joy, the red white and blue stuff that we did for Scotty west to build him a house through building homes for heroes. And that was all amazing. And you're like, okay, y'all really feeling the patriotic stuff. So we thought, okay the animal rescue place. We were working with a Nashville for the dog mom line proverbs, twelve ten like they like I mentioned last week had to rescue Twenty-one dogs, and they're in need of foster families for these pets their need for money because of surgeries in different things that they've had to do with the dog. So while are four things. Everything normally falls under a spa, which is four Haiti. We are making an exception here and doing this little four things patriotic line, four these dogs, which they're calling on Instagram. You can search the hashtag Texas twenty. One, and it's a twenty one dogs from Texas, that were rescued. So shout out to proverbs twelve ten for all the work that they do. And if you all want to check out these shirts for new show up at the shot, Ford dot com. So I'm just married isn't even know that I'm telling you this right now because again, she just put them up there. We haven't really talked about it because we're not trying to be like pushy with anything. We also want to give you all the heads up on cute stuff because Mary night, when we came up with it, and design, it, we're like this is so cute can't wait to where it, it's exactly how he felt about some of the pimp enjoy. Well, all of the pimp, enjoy patriotic stuff, but this is just a little something different. You could wear fourth of July, you could wear anytime in the year, if, especially if you're into dogs, and you wanna support, but it says Stars Stripes, freedom in America. Those are the four things. So it's a four things t Stars Stripes, freedom, America. And it's like a blue Hombre from dark blue light blue. And then America is in red, boom, picture it. Yeah. So. It's very cute. And yeah. If you wanna check it out, take it out. If not totally get it, it's fine. But I feel like I just wanna share with y'all cute things that are up there, supporting various causes that you might care about. So hope y'all are having a great week. Hope you have an amazing upcoming weekend. And don't forget, we'll be back on Tuesday with another Q and A episodes of cinder questions to four things with Amy Brown at g mail dot com and then oh, Amazon stuff. Ilic still get questions on how to find my Amazon favorites page. And if you just go to radio Amy dot com, that's where you can find Amazon stuff, you can find the link to the shop Ford for pimping joy in a spa, and all the things links to the Bobby bones show stuff so radio dot com. Feel like that's easy to remember. That's my Instagram handle too, in case you're randomly listening to this right now. And you don't know that which I feel like if, if you're listening to you probably do. But hey maybe not. Okay. Thank you, Walker Hayes for the theme song. And to Mike, d for putting this up on the line, so that you can listen to it wherever you're listening to podcasts. Okay. Goodbye. Never. Little. Thirty. Back little mouth. Because. Kick. With Amy Brown. As a parent, one thing, I definitely don't want to have to worry about is our car's tires. Fortunately, the folks over at Michelin. Thanks, so too. That's why Michelin supports testing of worn tire, breaking performance tires need to stop safely, not just now but down the road with Michelin. Parents have one less thing to worry about knowing that their tires are designed to deliver reliable wet, traction, even in warned state goes when you've got kids on board every stop counts Michelin performance, every time.

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Authentic Resilience | Fatima Doman

The LEADx Show

49:56 min | 9 months ago

Authentic Resilience | Fatima Doman

"Would you like to accelerate your career and reach your full potential in minutes a day? Welcome to the lead x show with New, York Times bestselling author and eat five hundred Entrepreneur Kevin crews. Hey guys. Kevin crews here welcome to the lead x leadership show where we help you to stand out and to get ahead at work now as you know, we like to switch things up here. Keep it interesting and continue that tradition today on the podcast instead of me interviewing an expert guest. We're GONNA have the guest deep dive into their topic. You see you'll be hearing audio from a lead x Webinar now. Now! Of course there are dozens of great webinars on Leadership Management Communication Productivity and more all archived in the lead x APP just visit lead x dot org for more information about our Webinar. Archive so enough on the set up enough background information here is Vanya Mathis to introduce our guest and hand it over to them. Enjoy Hi and welcome to the Webinar today authentic resilience how to bring your strength to life. Our host is globally recognized voice in resilience, wellbeing leadership and positive change. You may have read her book authentic strengths, and true you or read about her in the Huffington Post, psychology today or thrive global. As CEO of authentic strengths advantage, she shares innovative evidence based tools rooted in the science of positive psychology, helping her audience bring out the best in themselves, and those they influence. She also serves as the director of character strengths certification for the via premier programs. Please welcome. Fawzi Doman. Hi. My, name's Tina dominy I'm the CEO Authentic strengths advantage, and it's a pleasure to be with you today and today we're going to talk about my new book. Authentic resilience and I'm going to share some tools with you that I think can help during these very challenging times. This is a very unique time in history that we're all facing right now. And everyone's been stretched to the limit and people are experiencing high stressors in anxiety and. You know they're. They're questioning their abilities, and there's just so much going on with people right now. Having relationship challenges because the stress, so I've written this book to help people to build their resilience, and we define resilience as the ability to bounce back from challenges, so with that said I wanNA take you to. One of the key concepts in the book, and that is moving from what's wrong to what strong so all of us in the past have been kind of wired really. Because of our survival instinct to focus on what's wrong, you know we're always looking to detect errors in to fix errors, and that's a great survival mechanism, but it's even more powerful with learning to focus on with strong dead. Our performance goes up. Archie goes up. There are a lot of benefits so today. We're going to talk about that. Really essential shift from focusing on what's wrong to focusing on our strengths with strong and we're GONNA do this with a three step process the first thing. Thing we're going to do. We're going to explore our strengths. And the many aspects of our strengths in our own uniqueness were also going to empower goals with our strengths, so we're gonNA look at ways that we can use our strengths to achieve more, and in most importantly to achieve life, satisfaction fulfillment, and finally we're going to consider how we can engage tur- strengths more consistently in all aspects of our lives, and this benefits are relationships as well so this is the three step process. And as we learn to use our strengths in those three ways, our resiliency goes up in energy and engagement achievement as I mentioned earlier, our relationships become more positive and healthier, and we achieve sense of wealthy, so we know from global peer reviewed. Research Studies that when we use our strings that we can achieve all of these. All of these benefits and more depending on how dedicated we are to really focusing on our strengths in using them consistently on a daily basis. So now we're GONNA take a look at this concept called the inner critic versus the inner coach and I'm going to share some tools with you to listen more consistently to your inner coach. Dr Daniel Ayman who wrote the forward to my new book. Authentic resilience talks about this concept called automatic negative thoughts, and he describes automatic negative thoughts is deceased in a were wired to survive right, and so we look like I said earlier at. At everything that's wrong. We tend to focus on what's wrong. and these automatic negative thoughts just pop into our minds is just part of the human experience. So what can we do to mitigate those I like to encourage my clients to turn up the volume on their inner coach in turn down the volume on their inner critic. How do we do that? It's what you choose to say to yourself and it's also learning to refute. When it enters your mind. And to do that very quickly, the research actually shows that before you have that cascade of all those stress hormones from negative by it only takes about a second of thinking it, so we really need to learn to refute it quickly and all share with you some ways to do that as well such as You know it. Let's say you have an automatic automatic negative thoughts, and we think I'll never be able to take this project. Something negative like that or I. Don't have what it takes for that. K You stop your saw mid-sentence insane. We'll wait a minute I can use these particular strengths I. I've done similar projects in the past. You can start to refute it very quickly within about a second, and that's the best. Sometimes. We don't respond that Quigley in. We really internalize that emotion, but they're still many ways that we can deal with that type of negative emotion, and I'm going to talk about that a little bit later as well, but for now I want you to experience what I mean by the inner critic in the inner coach so I'm going to ask you if you're comfortable with this to just. Close Your Eyes for a moment and I'm going to read two very distinct lists of words and I. Want you to close your eyes so that you can pay attention to your physiology. You can pay attention to how your body. To certain concepts or thoughts or words? Are you ready. I'm going to read the The two lists of words now. Weakness Focus. Problem oriented. Fixed mindset. Blame judge disregard. Note already. Afraid of change. Either or thinking. US bought a lot in. Your says rather than and. Looks for offense. And now the second set of words. STRENGTHS FOCUS Solution oriented. Growth Mindset. Learn. Curious respect. Open to change. Creative thinking. Using and Your sentences. And Looking for intent. So go ahead and open your eyes and just think for a moment. How did it feel to hear the first set of words versus the second set of words when I do this in workshops? People tell me often you know when you when you read. All of the inner critic phrases like weakness, focus in problem oriented. They said you know. I could feel like an old back injury kind of flare up or you know I could feel my neck and shoulders tighten. Are I could feel? My shoulder starts slum. And then people in contrast will say when you read the inner coach set of words. You know I felt myself starting. To straighten up in putting my shoulders back and breeding more relaxed and deeper brats and I felt more clear in my thinking. And so forth so language does affect our physiology also affects our lives, and our performance very important for us to become very aware the type of language that we entertain the type of language that we allow ourselves to think and to speak, and it's not that we're going to eradicate forever automatic negative thoughts or that inner critic language, but the key is to learn how to shift from quickly to learn how to recognize it quickly, and to make that very essential chef that important shift to focusing on the inner coaches staff. So another tool that I share in my books, authentic resilience, and also my previous books, authentic strengths and authentic strengths for kids I. Do I have written. Children's stuck as well are. Is this concept of strong questions? So. It's very important to understand the type of questions that you're bringing to the table for example I put a question on the screen here it's solution oriented, and I call them strong questions in my books, because they're rooted in science of positive psychology, and they're focused on strengths in their solution oriented these questions, and I have a list of questions at the end of every chapter so that you can apply what you've learned with these new impactful questions, so ask yourself Ramon. Just ask yourself imagine that solution had come about. What does it look like for you? Rather than focusing on the problem, you're focusing on the solution and you may want to ask yourself. What are some ways you can start creating that solution? And then finally, how can you leverage your strengths in creating that solution? That's the key and that's what the research is showing is very. You know it's? It's a game changer in. Making positive lasting change sustainable change in your life in creating that the game changer is accessing your strengths. So these strengths, we've been talking about them a lot near properly wondering well, what exactly are there a you know? How many strikes are there? And what are they so I put up the list of the twenty four character strengths, these are the via character strengths via stands for values in action in these come from the institute on Character, and you can take the survey on my website up out of thin strengths dot com, and you can discover your own unique strengths profile for free. There's no charge and it allow you to print off immediately a two page report. Up Your unique character strengths profile but I wanted you to kind of have a moment to look at them. You see that they're. They're grouped into what I call. Six BURCHETT categories there. You know there were several strengths in each of the six Burchett categories. So how did these build your resilience? Scientists when they grew them into these six virtues, categories they that, for example, the wisdom category these restraints that supply you with information and learning and. Tools that will help you in building your resilience so if we're looking at this through resilience leads, this is all about wisdom and learning and Eleazer the intellectual strength so to speak. The where you can go and gather the information you need to help yourself in building your resilience, and then there's the courage category and we know for research. Recent Research Twenty, sixteen, twenty, seventeen on building resilience that bravery is one of the highest correlated strengths to building resilience. Let's look at the others in this category. They're sess. There's honesty. There's perseverance the all strengths that we need obviously to build a resilient, so is anyone strength more important than another they? There is no strength that's more important than another. They're all equally beneficial. All strings help us in living war, fulfilling and satisfying lives. Then there's the category of humanity kindness to yourself. We know that this is very important in building resilience social intelligence you know having. A network of people in France and family that can support you. So if you can you know all of us live in very different scenarios and traditional scenarios, but we all can tap into. We can work at building a network of people that support us even if you have one person that you can talk to that that you can interact with in a meaningful way, this can be a great benefit in building your resilience and it during. During this time of social distancing, we can still connect with people in. We can face time when another we can call it one another on the phone, and we can hear the tone of voice from the other person it even if we can't see their face, and these are in connections, and if you're having a difficult time, even connecting with people over the phone or over technology. You can watch uplifting films that. Gives you a sense of camaraderie with the people at that? You're watching a read a book. That's uplifting. There are a lot of things that you can do to bring more humanity into your life, and then there's the category justice so in this category you know we have teamwork, fairness leadership. So are you going to lead your life? which he just GonNa make in your own, south. To build your resilience. How are you going to develop greater teamwork in your relationships to build your relationships? Because when we had healthier more positive, relationships are resilient is increased as well then there's the category of temperance and here we have forgiveness, humility, prudence, regulation, and to think about that for a moment. If you're holding onto something, you're not forgiving. You're not letting go. That that takes a big toll on our emotional wellbeing, so forgiveness is Hart building, relationships and building resilience. It's also humility and. That you know. All of us are imperfect in not putting that kind of pressure on ourselves. all of these fields are resilience prudence, thinking before acting being careful self-regulation to. For example, I've noticed that especially during this time of it in nineteen time of challenge that people were faring. Really well are people who are being self regulated in what they choose to eat that they choose to drink metress they get. So that they're building their immune systems, and they're really looking to fortify themselves so to speak so that they can be more productive and be healthier and more resilient during this time. So temperance is very important in then finally transcendence here we have spirituality, appreciate, appreciation, eating, excellence, hope, gratitude, humor, all of these are so important when we're dealing with stressful situations, so for example humor, seeing the light side in the situation being able to laugh at it or certain aspects of it, just being somewhat light with yourself, and with others gratitude being so grateful for all that we have even if it's very small just. Water and food in the fridge, and so there's a mess on the kitchen counter. fortunate that we were able to eat to create that mass, so these different shifts in perspective in really amplifying our gratitude, our hope appreciation of beauty and excellence, looking out the window in seeing the spring you know beginning to blossom or even looking at a potted plant and appreciating the PD in that plant. So if were confined indoors therapies that we can find that we can appreciate for their beauty and excellence if we look and there are things all the ways that we can list to be grateful for if we look if we each develop that ability to to really find those silver linings in our lives. So these are the twenty four character strengths, and this is what you would assess yourself on. You would take a survey at authentic strengths DOT com only takes about ten minutes. It's free, and then you'll have your report, and then you can do a lot of the exercises that I'm going to take you through and in the next little bit. So what are character strengths? I just showed you the list, but what are the unique aspects of the unique? You know identifiers of character strengths, so they are positive traits. They're universally valued their expressed at different levels and most exciting is that they're learnable, so anyone can learn to build any of the twenty four character strengths. Isn't that right race and I think that that's really relevant also in. Were you know mentoring children? Raising children teaching children these can be learned and at any time. Time in our lives. We can be eight years old. We can still build a string for example I. Remember working with a remarkable six year old woman named Ali and she wanted to build her strength perseverance curiosity was remember one strength and perseverance was last on her list, and she said now I know why don't finish projects I am so exciting curious to learn new things. Things love of learning was really high for her as well along with curiosity, so she was taking on all these new projects that than she jumped from one project to the next to the nats, and wouldn't really finish which she had begun, and she came to meet for coaching because she wanted to become more perseverance, and we were on that eventually, perseverance became very genuine very. Very authentic for her, because she found ways to use it consistently in her life I, actually had her at parrot with another one of her top strengths, which was kindness, so she started thinking about how is kind to herself and two others to finish what she had begun, and that was very motivating for alley, so there are many ways that we can build in learn strengths. And these are some of the unique features of our character straits, and then we have what we call our top strengths. So when you take your strengths, inventory had authentic strengths dot com you're going to have a list of twenty four character strengths, a two page lists that that you can download, and as you look at that list. Look at about the top five. That's usually your top strength. Somewhere, in that range of four to six I like to save five and ask yourself as you look at those top strengths. Do they feel authentic to you? You're the only one who can have the final say on whether or not. That's one of your top straits or I call signature strains. That's that's kind of with. The scientific term is for these top strengths that that positive psychologists have identified them as your signature strengths, because it's almost like you're unique signature or your fingerprint. In, the world in how you use your strengths, because everyone uses their strengths differently, and actually there are over a sex Chilean possible combinations in a an individual's strength profile, so the way that I use my straits can be very different than the way you use your strength combinations, and there's so much variance that that positive psychologists feel that they're like a fingerprint of that unique. And you, WanNa ask yourself also does it show up often an energize you so if you're looking at your top strings? You Ask yourself that question to you feel more alive when you use those top strings to others, notice you probably had people say to you, Hey! You know you're such a great team player, or you're a natural born leader or you? Really you know are very curious about the world or Your very grateful person people may have mentioned to you and called out your strengths without being aware that that's what they were doing, and you can look back on those times as you look at the list of strengths and identify at whether or not there truly top strengths for you, and then last on this list, the question to ask yourself is if you were unable to express one of those talks strings, which you feel empty inside. Would you feel as the light had lost its savor because you couldn't express one of your top strings, so for example for me. One of my top strength is social intelligence, and if I found myself having to work alone long-term. Indefinitely without being able to connect with people on Zoom in other media platforms, it would be really hard for me. And I look for for the time that I can work with people live in person again. But it's very important to understand that if you if it's truly a top strength for you, and you don't make time to use it and look for ways to use it that you might feel as though you're withering inside. So when people used their top strengths. You can walk them in others and in yourself as well when I just wanted to share with you some ways in which you can spot strains, so there are verbal cues. People will speak faster they'll have clear more articulate speech, a larger vocabulary stronger voice. And they're also nonverbal cues. People tend to stand up straighter when they're using one of their strengths. You know just pay attention next time there. They'll have been I contact their eyes alight. They'll be more animated. They might lean forward, and and they might use their hands a lot of their Portuguese I'm Portuguese. So people will. Go show signs of being energized, and those are signs of using their strengths of character. So. There's also what we call a shadow side to strait's, so we use your strengths family. They show up the way they're labeled like curiosity, perspective, leadership, sast, and so forth. But you can overuse strain so for example too much curiosity can come across his nosiness, and you can under use a string, so two little curiosity can come across as disinterest. And people tend to overuse strengths. especially, their top strengths at you've probably heard the proper He who is who is good with a hammer comes to think that everything is a nail. So. Ask yourself for a moment. Do you tend to overuse? Some of your top strengths in just use them without considering whether they're appropriate for the situation, because that's the most common way that people overuse a strange and be more when you're more intentional about how to use your strengths optimally, and for the appropriate setting in. You will have greater benefit from using your straits. And since we're in this covid nineteen challenging time this time of turmoil, I thought it was very appropriate to talk about post. Traumatic growth, which is something that I write about a minute book as well and we know from the research on post, traumatic growth at these strengths that are listed here on the screen are highly correlated with post traumatic growth, so everyone's heard of PTSD in post, traumatic syndrome, and all of us have had trauma or challenging situations in our lives, and that's the trauma right well. Did He know that? Most people recover from those type of situations in about six months, and they go back to their baseline. Some. People don't recover very stab Here's there's a small percentage that don't. And there's also a small percentage that actually experienced growth in. They come out even stronger after the challenge of the trauma than they were before. That's post traumatic growth. and. We learned through the research that these strengths that are up on the screen are very highly correlated with post traumatic growth so being kind to yourself into others that helps in growing from a difficult situation and expressing love for oneself compassion south La. And for others. Meaningful relationship building that we know is a big buffer in recovering from trauma curiosity considering. How can I use what's happening to me? To to grow and learn, and it's kind of like feeling your sales, you know those winds of adversity. You capture them in your sale to sail your ship where you want it to take you. Creativity so people who can think of new ways to solve the situation. That's why one of the first things I shared with you today. In the strong questions were solution oriented questions so that creativity in creating solutions love learning goes along with creativity creating solutions bravery. Courage to look at the situation in still act. An Act in a way that's beneficial to you, honesty with self and others perseverence and that's. Highly correlated to hope right and then spirituality. We're not talking about religiosity here at all. We're talking about just the sense of meaning and purpose. So these are strays that are highly correlated to post traumatic row. And then I wanted to share with you. Also a tool that I developed that you'll learn more about in the book uptick resilience, but this tool woody did whereas I read all of the research. I could get my hands on on post. Traumatic growth, and also how people deal effectively with negative. Emotions in situations. and. I created a treat step tool that I think is easy for people to remember so the first thing when you having a negative emotion to connect within. So don't run away from it. Don't judge shaming. Avoid it. Just get comfortable takes a few deep rats, and observe it as if you're outside the situation looking at the situation, and just calmly and serve the situation that helps to defuse it. It helps you to be more rational, and you're thinking in how you're going to Saul situation and also quite frankly more intuitive. It allows you to ask all. To access all aspects of your mind and into to start to calm down, and it's also very how helpful to identified the body location, so pay attention. Are you feeling? Tightness in your chest, or you know a pain in your abdomen. Are you feeling tightness in your back, neck and shoulders? We heard you feeling that negative immersion win. You pay attention. Just the act of paying attention in noticing be mindful helps to relax and calm that area of your body. So, the next step is to care for yourself in here reused the components. South Compassionate so Dr Kristen Nath has written so much about self compassion and I reference for work, and Gerbers work in my book as well, and so when the keys to offering self compassion to yourself is to commit self care in sauce. Support into recognize that you're not being singled out everyone. Everyone experiences challenges in difficulty. In pain suffering, it's part of the human condition, but we also can work through that inexperienced, the joy and the achievement, and the happiness in all the good emotions as well so learn to care for yourself understand you're not being singled out. Commit to self care, self, support, self, compassion, and actually act on those be more compassionate yourself, and then the last step is to create a positive. You perspective cash so. A strength or a combination of strengths that are your go to strengths for the situation that would be best suited to the situation that you're in and think about how you can use that strength or strength to grow and benefit. And ask you do this. You'll notice. It's called the undoing effect a positive emotions, because when you focus on your straights, they tend to develop positive emotions inside, because they're your unique top strengths, the winds that energize you. So when you focus on those, you'll find. That you'll have more energy more engagement and they'll have an undoing effect You'll be focusing somewhere else rather than on the pain. You're experiencing your now focusing on the potential within. Your shifting from pain to potential, and you'll notice perhaps that the negative emotion that that you were addressing earlier has started to disobey. And it's being taken over by this new positive perspective that you're building by focusing on your strengths, so that's the connect care create tool that's in this book. Authentic resilience in you can read more about that as well and then finally I wanted to talk about the four aspects of our ourselves and the four really essential aspects that we need to take care of mind body art spirit. We're GONNA. Start with mind and I'd I am writing a new book about seven essential elements and bring even more into that book, but for now I. WanNa focus on just for that. I think anyone can relate to right now that we have time to cover right now, so I your mind. So one aspect of the mind that we. Can really help build resilience is developing the sense of mindedness in reasoning so when we open our minds to other perspectives, and we also develop our critical thinking her reasoning. Her mind becomes sharper, so you can engage in hobbies. Sharpen your mind, even if you're you know quarantine, you know at Homer, our social distancing you can still engage in hobbies. You can find things to do from home even if it's just learning about topics on Youtube or on the Internet, and then to learn to ask that learning process is asking good questions. And understanding why questions matter, we talked earlier about solution focused questions that I call strong questions, so questions are such an important aspect building, our resilience in also sharpening our mind, and then to connect with others, so to understand other people's perspectives and understand the way they think this develops open-mindedness, and it also develops your mind in general, and then finally to analyze, so think about intended and unintended outcomes from potential decisions. You're that you're faced with. And analyze the through. You know potential gain and potential costs for decisions that you're. You're making right now and this thinking process is very healthy for your mind in. It's a great way to make decisions than and to. Perform optimally in your life. So. Another concept of the mind that I thought. I'd just selected to from each category because of our limited time today, but I wanted to talk to you about imagination in ideation, so creativity is such an important aspect. Building Resilience, being able to imagine a better tomorrow being able to match a better future beyond the maybe even the pain that were feeling today and the challenges that were experiencing today and the discomfort. And the discouragment that we're experiencing right now. So when we the employer matching nation of creativity are ideation, we can begin to imagine a better tomorrow and Dr Viktor Frankl, who wrote man's search for meaning and was imprisoned in the Nazi death camps wrote that one of the things that he believed was unique about the survivors. The people who lived through that experience was that they were able to imagine a better tomorrow. They were able to envision yourself themselves beyond those dire circumstances that they were found themselves in, so it's. It's a really key component to building your resilience and I strongly encouraged that you read the book man's search for meaning if you haven't read it yet and learn all of those pearls of wisdom from Dr, Frankl. And then there's the body. So mind, we just talked about mine out body taking care of our physical wellbeing, and of course there's you know. Part of this is is nutrition fitness, but stam wanted to talk about to since then just selecting two components from each of these areas I wanted to talk about active relaxation because when we're stressed out during this Kobe. Time. It's important to understand that relaxation is not just a passive pursuit. It's not just crashing on the couch and watching mindless TV. There's something called active relaxation and active relaxation. It are things like meditation mindfulness deep breathing Yoga. There are ways that we can actively relax our bodies that produce a a multi dimensional benefit in our relaxation efforts, so I love this quote by Gretchen. Tabacchi active relaxation is consistent with the idea of the productive yet counter to it, choosing activities that contribute to a deep sense of wellbeing centeredness, calm and good hell so. Put those activities through that Lens like ask yourself. Is this activity about to engage in, will it? Will it develop my wellbeing? My sense of senators, calm and good hell, and that's a good litmus test for whether it's an active relaxation activity, and then there's rest and recovery so. Sean Acre Michelle Union. Talk a lot about and write a lot about rest and recovery in how important it is to just stop and take some time out and to recover, and also Arianna Huffington with all of her work on sleep and rest and recovery has wonderful resources than if you haven't already, you should check out her website thrive global dot com, and there are many many resources for rest and recovery, so it's important to take the time. So many of us think okay. Ideal overwhelmed I've got too much to do in one of the things that we cut out. I is those that extra hour or two of sleep. But over time as you know, it takes away from your ability to solve the problems you're facing because your ability to think and to react into respond to interact with others is diminished when you haven't had adequate rest and recovery. And then, of course there's heart, so we've talked about the mind the body now heart the heart is a metaphor for our relationships in the first and most important relationship is your relationship with your self that sense of self compassion. We worked with the connect care. Create tool already and I talked about the science of south compassion, and then also the sense of self la, because how can we possibly be compassionate in loving to others? If we haven't extended that to ourselves? I, because then we're an empty vessel from which to give if we haven't given it to ourselves I, it just makes sense. and. The three components to solve compassion that I talked about earlier. I just think that they bear repeating so self kindness, common humanity. You're not being singled out in mindfulness just stopping taking the time to breathe through challenging situations like we did with that. Connect care create tool. And to just be observant into notice the emotions that are arising within you. That's really the best way to process them and to work through that. And then there would. We're talking about the heart in relationships. This whole concept of healthy relationships is is very important. We need to consider forgiving. Like I know discussed earlier and also setting helping boundaries with others, all of these things build healthy relationships, and we need to foul up this a network of people that you can interact with Greece or when another? You're so much stronger together than fragmented. So relationships are core to your resilience. Look for ways that you can build more meaningful relationships and then take the time to really be present in your relationships to enjoy them, and to let them build your emotional mental physical wealthy. and. When we're talking about those four elements memory, we did mind body heart, so the fourth one is spirit and I talked earlier about this spirit term not being a religious term at all. We're talking about meaning and purpose in for some people being spiritual involves prayer, and some religiosity is a for everyone. We can all be on the common ground of meaning and purpose. FEELS, bigger than sauce for you, what is something that fills you with a sense of meaning and purpose, and taking the time to engage in those type of activities, those type of pursuits will really nourish your spirit, and I talk in my book. I wrote a chapter about the power of the words I am and here's a quote from the from the book. Where I talk about. Those words those two little words I am. connote your deepest values. What motivates you? Your unique legacy hold. That's wrapped up in very small words I am very careful in intentional when you use the words I am. So I've heard people say before in coaching. You know I am a loser. I am fat. You know things like that I. I am incapable in the first thing that I do is share within how powerful words I am are because when you plant your feet in that reality using those words I am, they can hold great power overview and I have people start to shift every time. They use the word I am. To to think very intentionally about what they want, create for themselves, so I am purpose fall. I am strong. I am perseverence I. AM brave I. Am kind to myself. You could go through the entire list of the twenty four character strings in start to develop those in your vernacular of what you are I am and use those strengths that bring a great energy. And then when we're talking about spirit is well the other concept that I wanted to share with you today in our limited time. Is this whole thought? This whole concept of hope in gratitude very linked together, and we know from studies on gratitude that which that gratitude activities and gratitude journals send calling people with gratitude phone calls letting no expressing your gratitude for them, and how they impacted your life in a positive way or simply riding at thank you email someone that you work with and recognizing people. Showing Tuden's some form really builds your spirit, but it also feels you relationships, so it's something that you do for yourself that also that comes back to you through stronger and healthier relationships again, so we're all connected. It's very. It's very difficult to remove ourselves from the whole. Because, we are social creatures. Human beings are social creatures in that's why this time this Kobe nineteen time in this challenging time quarantining eating and social distancing. It's very challenging and difficult for people because by nature we thrive when we thrived together. We thrive most when together and when we're building our relationships with others. So I just want to close with a challenge, so there are multiple research studies that show that we use one of your top strings air creed gay for a week. And use it in a new creative wage day. That resiliency goes up anxiety. Depression tend to go down and they're wadded collateral benefits from doing this exercise, so take a look at your top. Strang's choose one that you want to focus on for this week. Look for ways to use daily in a new way for a full week and guess what the with the research has shown that people who do this one week activity experience that mood boost that lasts on average for about six months, so that elevated mood from one week investment in clean just five minutes a day finding a new way to use one of your strengths for a week. That elevated mood can last up to six months now. That's an activity were engaging. And I want to leave you with just some final thoughts to bring your strengths to lie. And I encourage you to look for ways to leverage your strengths to build your resilience and also start spotting strengths in others helping them to see the strengths within themselves as well so that you and those you care about can. Accomplish your goals and fulfil your potential. Bring out the best in each other. Thank you so much for your time. Friends, if you liked this episode of the leadership podcast, please take a minute leave. A rating on itunes or stitcher ratings are invaluable for attracting new listeners, and I like to convert those listeners into leaders because you know. I'm on a mission to spark one hundred million leaders in the next ten years, and if you want to become the boss, everyone fights to work for, and nobody wants to leave, check out the lead x platform with coach, Amanda at least x Dot. Org and if you have ten or more managers, who could use some binge worthy training. Send me an email at Info at lead X. Dot Org. X Dot Org and we'll talk about getting you set up with a totally free pilot for those managers. See if they like it if they don't. That's fine, we go away. Part is friends, but if they love it, you've just found yourself a new resource for them. Remember leadership is influence. You're always leading. How are you GONNA leave today?

BURCHETT Kevin crews CEO Dr Viktor Frankl Huffington Post Leadership Management Communic Fawzi Doman Vanya Mathis director Archie Tina dominy York Times US back injury La Dr Daniel Ayman institute on Character PTSD Saul