17 Burst results for "Russ Harris"

"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

The Art of Charm

04:13 min | 1 year ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

"Just by listening to this podcast last month. We looked in the happiness. Like what kind of happiness last the longest and the myth about happiness that we chase. And how happiness as like a muscle that we can exercise and watch it grow. And it was a great start to twenty nineteen. And we highly encourage you to take a listen to those episodes. If you haven't checked him out already now, we're onto February a new month, which means we're going to dive into something different. And since February is always wrapped up in romance as in Valentine's Day. Well, we've thought it'd be a great time to take a look at relationships. Yes, relationships the things that allows to good hold us up our motion support. And also that could be our driver in the success. And as we learned last month, they are the foundation of that happiness. We all seek now last month was all about happiness. And in our two part toolbox episode. We looked at the science behind happiness. We talked about how happiness is not synonymous with pleasure or comfort, which a lot of us have that misconception. But rather comes down to. Living a meaningful life. We also discussed the two major contributors to that meaningful and happy life purpose and relationships. Now, those toolbox episodes are jam packed with information about the cutting edge research in the field of happiness, if you haven't already checked him out double back and check out those episodes from last month. Our interview last month was with none other than Dr Russ Harris, author of the happiness trap. Now. He's one of the leading authorities in the field of acceptance and commitment therapy on which so much of our coaching programs are based so double back and check that episode out as well. The happiness trap is real. And we wanna help you overcome a lot of those mis and certainly one of the concepts that he talks about with values is gonna play a role in what we talk about today because those values are very important. And of course, when it comes to relationships those values if they're going to be similar can really strengthen and help a relationship in very positive, and we also gonna talk about happens. When we have some negative allies being passed in our relationships. Now, we wrap the month of January with the Q and A episode of which Kristofferson headlights CEO of high moment joined us to answer your questions. That's a great app. If you haven't checked it out already all around the science of happiness now this month. We're excited to kick off our entire month dedicated to relationships as we heard last month that is a major contributor to our personal happiness and well-being this month. We're going to be tackling just that what do we mean by relationships? How do we build them? What's the science behind them? And of course, we have Valentine's Day coming up where relationships are on the forefront of everyone's mind, but don't worry. This toolbox episode is not about the best chocolates or flower shops. We're gonna talk about what it means to be in a relationship with someone and we wanna help you build better relationships. In fact, that is our why here at the order charm. I know myself personally seeing my dad. Dads struggle in marriage. Ultimately getting divorced the importance of relationship on one's health happiness, and even wealth is honestly proven by science proven by all of our life story. So we want to take a look at how we can start building better relationships. Now, we've talked about concrete techniques to build and maintain relationships in previous episodes. We're going to link those in the show notes below. We wanna talk in this toolbox. The deepest dive we can take on relationships, especially social networks, a lot of us think of social networks, and we may not realize the impact that friends of friends and friends of friends of friends are having so before skipping ahead. Too much. Let's take a look at some of the science and challenges that we run into when it comes to relationships. I'm super excited to get into it. So let's go. If you listen to part two of our toolbox. Episode unhappiness, you know, that.

Dr Russ Harris Kristofferson CEO
"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

The Art of Charm

01:47 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

"It does give rise to a deep sense of fulfillment of being true to myself of living life my way. Well, as you mentioned, it's it's the it's the rudder it's going to give you the the right choice to make a believe you. There was another video. I watched this morning in prep for this where it was the choice point. So where you get to a challenge. Ginger life, and now the anxiety or the uncomfortable feeling as you might be feeling in that moment will pull you in a direction you don't want to go. But so you won't have to deal with that. But your values will be pulling you in a direction that will put you in tonight, and I really enjoy there was the the animation for that was fantastic. Because it was just a fork in the road and small been there, we we've we've all been there and seeing that was like, oh great. But the best thing about it is that is leading, you know, Hugh, you have a choice to get better here in that moment, if you choose this way over this way. And of course, once you choose towards, your your values, then that's only gonna make that much easier for you to do it. The next time you have that challenge in front of you for our listeners who had that misconception around goals and values and a lot of our listeners are very goal oriented fame money respect love all those things. How can we help? Them assist them. Find those values. So they're not just so focused on the goal. Well, I think one use will question is the magic wand question. You know, wave a magic wand, you've got all of those goals, achieved you go all the fame money and status and the beautiful body, and whatever it is that you want to achieve and then. Okay. So then how would.

Hugh
"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

The Art of Charm

03:45 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

"More often pick to a free values for day in play around with them. And see what happens what you tend to find is that the the values that really speak to you will be more fulfilling voting for you. You'll kind of you'll have a sense there's a sense of I'm being true to myself. I'm getting close to my heart. So, you know, if you really stuck then just, you know, I've even had some people that just couldn't pick, and I gave them a list of fifty values and and said, all right. We'll just kind of go through them and just label them each one very important quite polish until not so impose, and they ended up labeling everything is very. Son. I said all right. Well, let's just flip. A coin. Let's flip a coin three times in whichever three values. It lands on do that for this week. And then do it again next week and do it again next week. What happens is pretty soon you start to get a sense of it. But I I don't know if you have the saying in the USA of the proof of the pudding is in the eating to have that saying, no you're gonna have to explain that one. Okay. So. Know, what pudding is of course. Oh, okay. Sorry. So the proof of the pudding me, you know, someone's cooked to good pudding. We're not gonna know if that pudding is going to taste nice unless we actually eat it. We can discuss all day long. What do you think it tastes like, and what are the ingredients? But the proof of the pudding is in the eating you go to put the spoon and taste it. And then you'll know, and it's the same values. You can analyze till the cows come home, you know, these my right values. That's not going to get you. Anyway, get out there. Stop playing around with them and track the results. And this is where the mindfulness comes in stop noticing get what difference does it make. What is it? Why am I being more? Like the person. I want to be housed this influencing my weld house this influencing others, you know, that's the answer. Well, it's funny because a lot of people who tend to get in the self development do it because they wanna learn the right way to do things. So when they get the three values they got to spots left all of a sudden. Oh, no what if I pick. The wrong value. So it's that Briggs on this whole other has gained of stuff owing down. So it's like I'll just end, right? But I love that like give it a try. It's it's okay. And as you change as you get older these values are going to change anyway. So don't get. So while end up about it even for us. I'd say her values has the listeners know in getting healthy and exercising have have changed. And it's reoriented our lifestyle and became that rudder whether it's signing up for that event or actually go to the party were making these choices based off our values. And I liked the idea of not making such a commitment to it. Right. We're not getting married to these values. We're not going to have our third divorce with these values. Try them on for day. Try them on for week. And you're going to know when it feels right? Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. And you know, he can probably my dog has just come into the room and his crunching Abon here. As if the listeners a wondering that crunching sound is. So yeah, I say, you know, and and they they will start you'll start to get a sense of which values or good fit fear. Again. A common mistake people. Make though is thinking that living your values is necessarily gonna make you feel good. If you live your values it may pull you out of your comfort zone into all sorts of challenging difficult situations and at times living your values can put you in high anxiety provoking situations. But even though it's not giving rise to pleasant feelings..

Briggs USA
"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

The Art of Charm

04:29 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

"Taken care of EV people have those values together, and they're able to engage in them healthily throughout their day week month. Yeah, I think you know, I think you joining belts that Ave. You know? I would add to qualify, though, the very often values as they were spoken about generations before there was a kind of rigidity to the new sitting underneath those values with rules about this is the right way to live your values matched the runway, you know. And so certainly in the app model, we're about helping people be very flexible in the way, they live their values is not like this. You start getting into ideas about this is ri- amass wrong, then you should do this. And you shouldn't do that. Then you're starting to kind of move away from your values into the land of rigid rules, and should and must and so forth. You know, you mentioned anxiety. I mean, it is it's academic, isn't it? And I think I think values are our way for us to channel orange diety in constructive ways. It's like, you know, doing this. Kost with you right now. I'm feeling anxious. You know, you guys a lovely kinda. I can see a hero, my Skype screen. And you put him at ease. And Elizabeth here kind of holding the microphone this end. And you know, my hands are a little bit sweaty. My heart's racing goes kind of Nazi my stomach, and I'm willing to have this anxiety to do something. That's meaningful it important. You know, I I care about these messages care about getting the mountain into the world. This is a meaningful activity that I'm doing with you guys. And I'm willing to have the exile t- there to do it and eventually willing to have the Saudi then I can actually use it. You know, excise he and Hans is your performance. This is a kind of performance as you know, there's a like I've done zillions of interviews. But there's always that the pressure. There must be for you guys to I would think kind of. And so we can tap into that Zayed's. He does lots of good research showing that you can use it ended in if exotic he's who low when you're doing some sort of performance task you performance drops psychologists cool, this relaxed encompass. Since like, though. So I can use my anxiety in a constructive way. And I ain't values, you know, it's not a way to get rid of anxiety. But it's a way to what's my anxiety. Telling me is imposed on. What's it telling me that matters to me? What's it telling me that I want to do I've only got so much time on this planet? How can I use it effectively? You know, there was something that when I was reading the happiness trap. And I was looking in the values and the more looked into it. The more something from my youth had kept popping up, and and being gen X and graduated I graduated high school in nineteen ninety two and in the early nineties. There was this this art movement that came out and music and film that was basically the the slacker movement or the Slager an arc art link letter was the leader of that. And there was tons of movies, the low life floundering that sort of had they were morose and slow moving and they dealt with these characters who who? Being in newly out into the world and the early twenties just felt lost. And because they weren't doing anything productive because they were being this slackers, the anxiety and dread and the being lost in life becoming more and more within their lives. And where they were fighting for any sort of thing that they could they would allow them the fill that they had a place in the world. And I I couldn't help looking at those going. It's it all is was right here of writing down these things that are most important to you. And just how was not even on the table at that time, and I've just happy that we're able to well, we have certainly with you and Stephen Hayes and self development being. So I think it seeing a an I would say new reviving front assigns of people coming in contact with this. So hopefully, we can help some of this rampant anxiety and the president is going on. I think so I think values are had good kinda antidote towards that..

Hans Zayed Skype Stephen Hayes president Elizabeth
"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

The Art of Charm

04:00 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

"You know, you're having your morning mindful coffee and the coffee shop, so you can be a bit mindfulness and sit it's like, it's it's everywhere. It seems to be did you did you guys? Get the mindful coloring book craze IVA. Yes, we did. Oh, oh, oh, man. It's very few people. Who know what mindful coloring is it's well, unfortunately, he kind of this idea of okay? I just have to be mindful has that connotation of? Okay. Well, then discount everything unplugged, relax yourself. But that's not exactly what we're talking about here because it really is the processing of both the positive and negative emotions in a healthy way. That's the crux of the problem. If you're not doing that is going to lead to devastating effects personally, and the people around you and something to go along with that is a think it usually has an attachment to jogo or well more so meditation, right, right? This is your mindfulness practice. And in fact, you know, doing a little research about this and preppy myself for the show today. I had saw a YouTube video an animated one today that you had narrated talking about that very thing. Yeah. I mean, there's so many different. Ways of meditating, so mindfulness meditation is a tiny subset of all the different types of meditation out that and there are so many ways of leading mindfulness skills without ever meditating, which is great. You know, we don't have to meditate to do this stuff like in Australia. The the big spoil the kind of tops blow to the country is AFL stray Liam foot bully you. Gotta you've. Yeah. And you know, so there's kind of now to AFL teams where the entire team is being trained in mindfulness. But you don't get Australian football play is doing mindfulness, meditation, you know, but they can kind of lift weights mindfully and do that kind of womb routines mindfully and they can play the game mindfully. And when you run out onto the pitch in front of eighty thousand spectators, not knowing if your contract is going to be renewed. Then it's normal to have high levels of anxiety. But you can still play the game mindfully even when you're feeling anxious. And so this is one of the key. Miss you kind of touched on this idea that my phone's about feeling good being relaxed. But if you're walking through the backwoods of Alaska, and you encounter a black bear, you know, you can respond mindfully you won't relax. There's no Li like. But you know, you can mindfully take control of your arms and legs. And do what you need to do to survive, which apparently, you know, don't quote me on this. But apparently, you need to stand very still stay silent. And then episodes slowly move backwards because if you scream and run the ban his face off the and kailua so you can be mindful in that situation. Even when you having a full on fight or flight response, but you won't be relaxed happy. Well, this is something that you had talked about in the happiest trap of like the the beginning steps to to diffusion and just being able to as a spectator. Watch these thoughts. Come and go without that. Well, we could we could look at it as stoicism. Yeah. Not really an expert on stoicism. I mean, these ideas ancient they have been around the thousands of years and Greek philosophy and Buddhist philosophy and actually in a world religions have these. Ideas about living in the present moment and accepting pain and living values because there's a big difference between values and virtues and morals, obviously that was a lot to take in. We are going to definitely define what we mean by values because I know a lot of our listeners have struggled in that area, myself included, and we want to give everyone a rudder to their ships. So that we can take that mindfulness with values and move in the right direction. Yes. And something else that I wanted to make sure we got into of just a world today..

AFL Li YouTube Australia Alaska football
"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

The Art of Charm

02:59 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Art of Charm

"It's typically when you get in your car and drive away. Exactly. So if your ideas that happened, this is feeling good. You're going to be constantly battling with the reality that good feelings don't last very long and linked to that myth is the idea that the natural state for human beings should be one of happiness is this idea out there if you give people food water and shelter and employment and good social structure that just naturally gonna feel happy. But I say to my clients will the time that the, you know, emotions like, the weather you expect them to change continually. It would be weird. If old I every day was a kind of warm spring sunny day, right? You expect to feel fear and sadness and anger and disappointment as you go through your life. If you're going to live a full human life, you're going to feel the full range of human emotions, not just the ones that feel good. So if you subscribe to this this myth that the natural state for humans is happiness. Again, it sets you up for a struggle with reality. And then building on top of those two misses a third myth this idea that you know, if you're not happy you'll defective is something wrong with us. You should think. Positive feel good be happy, don't worry. And if that's not the case, there's something wrong with you at and, you know, my my twelve year old son came home from school. This is about a year ago when he was twelve and he he said, I'm depressed that what do you mean? What do you mean, you're depressed and what happened with? I don't know. If you guys had the craze for fidget spinners over there. You know, when they would you know, they were huge here, and he'd been playing with his fidget spinner against the teachers instructions and should take an off him, and she wouldn't give it back to him. And so he came home and said, I'm depressed because she wouldn't give me back. My fidget spinner. But this is what's going on it? It's like the these pathological terms such as depression creeping into everyday usage and replacing normal language such as feeling a bit down or a bit sad. So, you know, if you're not happy, there's something wrong. And and then on top of all of those three missed they lead lead ride to the the kind of biggest happiness to trap of all. Which is if in order for me to have happiness I need to avoid in scape. The unpleasant difficult fulsome feelings and replace them with the ones that feel good. You know, this kind of Rena feel good society and for the first time in human history. Happiness is now being defined as feeling good. Whereas route most of human history it's being defined as doing good in a living your values doing the stuff that's meaningful. In life. And so all of this sets people up just to struggle with the reality that life is painful and difficult and doesn't teach people how to deal affectively with the painful emotions that are a part of living, Richard meaningful life or concertedly. See the language changing around that. I think a lot of us in the west, especially with social media tend to be overly dramatic about everything..

depression Rena Richard twelve year
"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch

03:50 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

"Greets, everything every stimulus every experience with curiosity with interest with openness kind of just when you separate when you recognize I'm having these thoughts the observing self steps in and says, I got I got what's going on here. What are what are the fought? So were thinking, oh, we're telling yourselves that the life is supposed to. Fair story or telling yourselves, the I would be happier. If I had a sweet new car story, and so the observing self gets kind of step back, and and understand that this is why we're having these thoughts. So they're kind of seen in a new light, which brings us to principle. Number five clarifying your values. This is a big part of act. It's about clarifying. What's most important to the deepest part of ourselves that we can access? What's most important about the person that you want to be what's meaningful to you? What you stand for in this life? So your values provide the direction for your life. They motivate you to make significant changes. This is where I can get really kind of geeky on this stuff to one of the things. I see is that therapist is typically we don't even really know what our core values. Are. We've been told what our values should be growing up. We've been told what value should be by our parents, or even were kind of soon, what are value should be maybe by are at school or faith community. Or even what our spouse tells us, and so huge disconnect air to what is really important to us. Versus what we think that is supposed to be important to us. And I've said this another podcast as well. But if you've got a goal or even did this New Year's resolutions, and it's not based on your individual values important to you because of your private experiences that you bring to the table right now than those just become rules. And when when something becomes a rule, then doesn't necessarily feel as connected to you. And then that's when people start to be able to tell us what's wrong with me story. I can't even keep this rule of it's based on your value. It's going to be a little more difficult. So and act oriented counselor might might kind of ask the client to complete some sort of life values questionnaire, and I love doing this which respondent to reflect on their values, and in only there, it's it's something that needs to be done one on one because you can even have your partner, you know, all almost all the value. Sound great. And so when you're saying to your partner that you know. A particular value is not important to you. But but they feel like it's important to them. They ought to be kind of a really easy example, one of the values that when it comes to mind is when these values of adventure, and I've got a client that you know, he was he was grew up just being venturous. But now, he's he's really busy career has little kids and just doesn't feel like he can really be adventurous. And so he just feels more of this kind of cooped up feeling and so when he's not being true to those values, then he doesn't feel connected. Doesn't feel connected with his career or spouse or kids or and so then it's a little bit easier detach because he's having these what's wrong with me story and the in the what's wrong with me stories tied into him. Not not being able to kind of work toward values of wanting to be more adventurous in life in general. So. Another thing. That's always kinda nice to clarify values. Versus goals. Some people aren't clear on the difference between values and goals. Russ Harris explains that goals are kind of more of a one shot deal where values are so because they are consistently in our lives, something we hold dear. He uses an analogy of somebody wanna journey saying that they're going to keep heading west. So that consistent direction is analogous to value. Because no matter how far the person may travel. There's always west you can always continue to go any westerly direction. If somebody's going to send the peak of a mountain along the way that's the goal because once climb to the top of that mountain. They've achieved the goal to done deal. Once we know what value is we can kind of drive more meaningful goals in order to live by values. So and then again, it goes back to what are your real values?.

partner Russ Harris
"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch

02:37 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

"But just take a look at it make room for it make room for those uncomfortable feelings, I think a lot of times when people even say, hey, just gotta accept those feelings. What does that even mean? And what it means is just step back and make make room for them. Because here's what comes up next principle. Number three of acceptance and commitment therapy is connection with the present moment. Here's where things that really good. Instead of dwelling on the past that got you here the future that what might happen. He connected with the here now before engaged in what you're doing Russ Harris, one of the fathers of acceptance and commitment therapy, and author of the confidence gap and happiness trap to my very favorite books of all time, seriously points, three reasons why this connection with the present moment is such a big deal. Number one. This is the only life. We've got an I love how he says even for those who believe in such concepts as reincarnate. This is the only that we're aware of living right now or tend to have information about so why not make the most of it to be only half present is the miss half of it. And I love this. I think that if teenagers listen to this. They won't really understand this concept that he says he says lack of present moment. Contact is kindle listening to a favorite piece of music with earplugs in the ears or eating favorite food when the mouth is still numb from visit to the dentist. We miss the richness that there could be but that one with the that your legs in the years. I mean, it's. What teenager isn't going around with their buds in all the time. But what resources talking about is? If you have this muffled, these earplugs in then you're not you're not getting the full measure of this mazing music that you're listening to and I love that one about eating food when the mouth is still numb from the dentist. That's what not being present. Is like number two. He talks about right? Now's the only time that we have power given that foundation of act is being committed to appropriate values guided actions, and we're gonna get to that. In a second values piece. We can remind clients to create a meaningful life. We have to take action and the power to act exists only in the present moment. There's a saying I love that. He said that says one cannot mount a Cam which has not yet arrived, which means the future Norwich at which is already departed, which means that the past can amount that Campbell. That's right here right now. And the third thing that he talks about in connecting to the present moment is taking action means affective action. Not just any old action effective action. And acceptance a commitment therapy is the finest what helps us move in value direction. To find out which way lies that direction. We have to be psychologically present. And we have to be aware of what's happening. How we're reacting there for how it is right for us to respond and Harris advocates a demonic for act that he says a except your internal experience and be present see choose value direction and t- take action. So there's act except your internal experience present choose value direction and take action and I love to to practice skills..

Russ Harris Campbell kindle Norwich
"russ harris" Discussed on The Flow Artists Podcast

The Flow Artists Podcast

03:01 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Flow Artists Podcast

"So I think is long as you can walk away with like, you know, the listener of things or over reflect on yourself, and you different way and even communicate to that two people. That's that's a way to move forward with it and people can understand that too. I think as well it's really interesting to observe like you did this extra line of pressure that we put upon themselves. It's not just the stress of the situation that you dealing with. But this feeling like you're somehow filing as the site of because you're not handling it. That's not helpful helpful to, you know, and even at a even infliction the practice to tell people to you know, you bring a different person to each meditation session because you've leave him alive, you might find this. If you switch up your sessions, if you meditate when you wake up in the morning, and if you switch attending evening, you might be a different quality and your experiences because you live more live is because you're a different human being because ABC and this happened. So being able to be gentle on our selves is really really important. Do you have any strategies that you use the stain on track with your own practice because it seems that you've got a lot going on with your work life in volunteering, and I think checking in with mine tension with things for a long time. My practice is being I've gone in bouts of being more stoic with my practice and not really being soft and gentle and caring to myself. So maybe that comes from very sort of my martial arts background shooters in top element to it. But for me, it's about checking in with my intention, and even if that's a rating of book or something like that or just switching video will switching up how I met meditate tight and just keeping wise for me to be inspired with one I'm doing so. He you an e useful practices, but the full Ye see someone for meditation session on may be some things that you do yourself after exception just to kind of usually before I like to obviously practice mindfulness myself, and like us, sometimes I if I'm driving something onto a really cool technique that I learned from Russ Harris in one of these workshops, he runs the acceptance and commitment therapy and just a quick cycling of listening to the sounds and feeling my way and going back to the breath, and then going back to the sounds and just a quick cycle. Because a lot of times if I'm having presentational something get a little bit of nerves and was going on. So that saw cling of the different qualities of Mont from us. Whether it's the sound of the white of my feet on the cost Sade or the feeling of my shoulders really helps with an overactive mind because you don't just have to pause the bricks and focus on the breath because you still got things going on. So a gentle cycling through de escalate Smeal little bit not looked at I'm anxious, but it just sort of. The grounds maybe more so refu- sits of those. And that's where world practice. Yes. Just like I deal with allow ourselves time when we arrive at a venue did something to just settle. But I'll traffic gets in the way things get in the lie. So he can do it bringing that mindfulness into the business of everyday life. Yeah. Yeah. And even when I talk to people in the workplaces and things like that..

Russ Harris ABC Smeal Sade
"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch

05:00 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

"So fry goes on to save, and we begin to live thickly authentically, we recognize are worth. We express vulnerability. We set boundaries and only then can we turn outward and express compassion? So I love it. May she? She summed it up by saying shame may be universal, but rejecting it. That's up to us. So. What do you do from here? And I'm wrapping this up now. I promise. What do you do from here? Just listened to the podcast started to do some self reflection, feeling shame about not feeling like you've been authentic, then bring some awareness to it. Maybe I want to say knock it off, but but that would bring shame. So awareness is the first step. So the first thing you do just bring some awareness of the fact that, okay, maybe I'm not being as because I wanna be and that does lead to shame. This might require an exercise in determining what your internal values are. Then a couple of episodes on acceptance and commitment. There being in particular book called the confidence gap by Russ Harris. And if you read that one, he goes into a lot about an exercise, undetermined your values because your values ultimately need to be in line with what your goals are, and there's a there. There's actually a PDF file out there on the web. It's a confidence gap worksheet that helps you identify your values and I do it with people in session here and it's pretty powerful, but also learn to seek genuine connection seek to truly understand. The people around you, the more genuine, the connections with the people around you are the more likely you're going to feel like you can truly be authentic and do your best to try to remove the thought of thinking that you need to be perfect. You're human and is humans were were flawed. We are from the book the road, less traveled. One of my favorite ones by m Scott peck. Again, he starts off by saying life is difficult. That is one of the great truce what, but once we understand and once we understand we accept that life is difficult than the fact that life is difficult, no longer really matters. It's more of what we do with that fact that does so start to learn how to truly be in the moment, be present, try to become a better listener. When you notice that your mind is starting to drift off somewhere else will be yourself up about it because there's comes the shame, just gently noticed, bring your mind back to the president, the more you do this exercise more natural become and the easier will be to help you regain focus. People know when you're not there at the Tel you as their my job is to stay connected with people in session, but I'm keenly aware of folks who. The moment that I start to kind of talk express anything they to now they're getting antsy their attitude because they want to craft their next response. So learn how to be present. But in all of this will lead to this feeling of authenticity. And that's that is my hope. My prayer for all of you is that you will. You'll just truly start to believe that you can find that authentic you and only just that you can find it that. But by living this authentic life that that you will feel more connected to others that you will develop more deep relationships and friendships and that this will just become a feeling normal feeling of just feeling connected and being you're still going to have the ups and downs the bumps in the road. But boy, they, they are. I feel like they are a lot. There are lot more workable, workable problems when you are truly being on the dick yourself. All right. Hey, thanks for your time today. Folks. I will see you next time on the virtual couch and taking us out as always is wonderful, talented. Florence with its wonderful flying. Out. The day grind. Placed in. Stillman. Pushes things. Two. Exciting news discount. Opportunity. Take. Pushed. Develop this student explode. Understandings. Eggs and hearts. You. She. Streets. Unto. Sees.

m Scott peck Russ Harris president Florence Stillman
"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch

03:37 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

"Here is the question that I get often, and it goes something like this, honestly, every week, multiple times a week or have people say this to me when I run into them, but it's an, here's a way it's typically faced. You know, I know I'm supposed to choose happiness every day and I do try and make a conscious effort in doing so, but and then here where there are all kinds of areas the next part, but maybe they say, why isn't working? Why isn't working? Or why do I feel worse? Or why is it so easy for other people to do? So which leads to things like, so what's wrong with me? Or I must be damaged or must be broken, and that is the. Part that just absolutely breaks my heart. And so I wanted to talk about that today. I really did. And so if you could see my desk right now in preparation for this, we're gonna go a lot of different places. So I really hope that this will make sense because this is one of these soapbox passion projects of mine is this whole concept of happiness. I've done multiple episodes on happiness, usually couched in this acceptance and commitment therapy model. I like to reference a couple of books. One is called the happiness trap. One is called the confidence gap both by an author psychologist named Russ Harris, and he's one of the big names and acceptance and commitment. There would be an absolutely love his work. But before again, before I even get to that point, if positive affirmations of telling yourself to choose happiness, if that works for you, then fantastic there. That is the whole one of the beautiful things about acceptance and commitment therapy is the concept of how is that working for you? Is it working for you? But I want to kind of give my thoughts on just from from kind of an evidence based research. Model from the anecdotal things that I see in my office and the things that I just studied. Because again, this is one of the passion projects of mine. So let me kind of jump in here. So we're talking about, you know, based off of this question of if we're supposed to choose happiness, then why is it not working try to choose happiness? Why is it not working? So I wanna go back to the book the confidence gap. A couple of weeks ago I was talking about the concept of acceptance and commitment there be and I was talking about it in in, here's here's where here's where I kind of am coming from. So if you can't stop your mind from telling you the can't do it story. Remember, this is the point where when we start to feel down, we start to listen to the stories that are brain tells us. Again, if I even step back a little bit further, if we say that we want to do something, whether it's lose weight, run a marathon right novel, go back to school, be better parent. Any of those things. We just stop at that moment. Now, remember we kind of call our brain and acceptance and commitment therapy. It is a reason making device, a reason making machine, and it's gonna start creating these reasons why we can't do it. And if we just sit back and listen, let's take the marathon example if we sit back, okay, I don't have time. I don't really know what the training would be like, I have bad knees. Can't afford the gear or the travel or the race fees or and so when we sit there and listen to all of those things, then we get hooked. We get hooked. We buy into one of those stories we get hooked and then we don't make it toward our goal. And then we continue to feel negative when that thing. When we think about that at a later time or we hear somebody else talk about a marathon. If we hear about anything like that, that's a triggering event, then we start to feel bad about ourselves and with acceptance and commitment there be even in that moment if we're starting to feel bad about ourselves, is that a productive thought. Is it a workable thought? Does it do anything good for us and the answer I mean, most likely is no. So let's go back into this. So in the in the book, the confidence gap in this part that I was just referring to. Ross says. So if you can't stop your mind from telling you that I can't do it story..

Russ Harris Ross
"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch

02:32 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

"I've used it with sports psychology and business, but it here because here's what it does. It reduces the stress, increasing, filming enhancing performance, but it makes no effort to reduce challenge or eliminate or change negative thoughts because it starts from the assumption that negative thoughts aren't inherently the problem. So where does that leave us? It's basically in the therapist office, it's really about. It's not that is that thought true or false? Because you know our our brain is pumping those thoughts out all the time. Really the question becomes, what do you do with that thought? Is that thought productive in the confidence gap? Russ Harris talks about workability says that I'll end with this. He says, one of the most important words in acceptance and commitment therapy is workability. He says this, we're deep into your brain underpins. Everything that you do in acceptance therapy. The term workability arises from the simple question is what you're doing. Working to help you create a richer, fuller, more meaningful life. If the answer is yes. Then what you're doing is workable. If it's no, then what you're doing is unworkable. So you know, there's the concept of workability can kind of help us get on hooked from our thoughts. So and then hopefully kind of empower you to take effective action and really start to be that person that you wanna be coming up down the road in a future episode. I also wanna talk about the big component of acceptance and commitment therapy really is identifying your core values or your goals or beliefs, kind of as I opened up the episode with. So if they thought is workable, it is in line with those core values or thoughts are goals. Okay. I went so much longer than I anticipated. I apologize about that, but I love this stuff. Acceptance and commitment there be will literally just free you from a lot of these just negative thoughts. It does require and we can talk about this down the road. And I've already given a bunch of podcasts where I mentioned this, but does require some sort of a mindfulness practice. I would highly encourage you to to. There's an app called head space. There's an app called calm, have there's a couple of things. There's actually a good exercise in the acceptance therapy book that I'll talk about called leaves and a stream. We'll try to get to that next time as well, but it will feel a bit hokey at first. I know that it was that way for me doing some sort of daily mindfulness practice, basically kind of getting your your in through the nose out through the mouth breathing, which kind of lowers the heart rate, which the gonna get rid of any of those fighter flight chemicals, adrenaline out of your out of your brain out of your body, and it's going to allow you to then get centered or focused with the nice little body scan back against the chair feet on the ground..

Russ Harris mouth breathing
"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch

03:03 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

"And so even though we're bombarded daily with all these messages of positive psychology, positive thinking. If you go back to the episode, I did awhile ago on the happiness trap. Another book by Russ Harris, he kind of talks about how our human mind is evolved think negatively and just I'll make it so fast, but you kind of go back in the day and we basically had four basic needs. It was food and water and shelter into reproduce. And so none of those things really matter if you are not alive. So the number one job your mind had to do if you trace it back was to not get killed, you're the the brain was don't get killed device. So it was constantly looking for danger and constantly scanning the environment and trying to -ticipant anything you know wears the where's the? The sabertooth tiger where's the animal? Whereas the bear, the wolf, the anything that is rival tribes, jealous neighbors. There were no shortage of things that the mine needed to be worried about. So you know, there wasn't an early human with through life and a fearless carefree manner only just noticing the daisies in the sunshine around him. Because if that was the case, they would pretty quickly get trampled or murdered, or you know, and then they would have no. Chance to reproduce and so their their brain, the brain just continued to evolve to be a again. It's kind of like this don't get killed device, so so what's kind of fastening by that is our modern brains through the same where he's trying to -ticipant what could hurt us or harm us even emotional pain. And so we have so many doubts and worries and concerns and we have fear of failure. And so it is not a sign love this about acceptance and commitment. There is not a sign of a week or a defective mine. It is a natural byproduct of the way that our minds have have evolved over time and it's why even if we just everyday practice positive thinking every day of our lives, we still won't be able to stop our minds from generating negative thoughts and that's okay. That's just something to be noted. And that's the part you say that you could tell almost want to apologize for saying that because a lot of people are so surprised to hear that because we just get embargoed with these messages of positive thinking that if for some reason we're not thinking positive that something's wrong with this. But again, think of. What a thought thought is just gonna pop at thoughts. Just kind of coming from these images and words, those sort of things and our mind. And so and trust me, we can learn to think of it more positively. That is, won't stop the negative thoughts from arising. I would consider myself and it turned optimist, but boy, the more years I put into mindfulness work now. And sometimes when I can sit back and watch my brain go, there's plenty of negative thoughts and, and you know, I did a podcast way back in the day about habit, creating new habits, and even to the point of where we now know this little basil gangly. This little walnut part of the brain that we call the habit center is where we file away routine activities and thought so that our brain doesn't have to exert as much energy. It can kinda pull from this habit center. This basil ganglia. If you're trying to wanna walk, tie your shoes or that sort of thing. But you know what we've learned there is that when we learn new things, we don't actually erase old mental tapes or delete old mental programs..

Russ Harris sabertooth
"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch

02:48 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

"So that's just a quick primer. They're so much more that I could say about that. But so one of the things I wanted to bring up is in my some of my initial sessions, some of the first sessions that I do, I will do this exercise. I'm gonna pull from a book called act made easy, and this is by Achmat simple. This is by Russ Harris and Russ Harris, a big fan of his. I want to get him on the podcasts. At some point, he wrote the book, the happiness trip, which is my very favorite book about acceptance and commitment therapy. And he also wrote one called the confidence gap and I'm gonna talk a little bit about from the confidence gap today. But this first one is an excerpt from act made simple by Russ Harris. So what he calls this is the act in a nutshell. For. So I think back when I did the guilt and shame podcast, they had Dula but acting and it was not some of my finest work. So there's a little bit of that going on today. We're gonna. We're gonna go through a therapist client interaction. So oftentimes toward the first part of of an initial session, I liked to, depending on what I'm working with. I like to explain a little bit more about act to my clients. And so there are situations where I think it helps to kind of throw a metaphor out there. So somebody can really recognize where we're headed with with act. So let me let me do this and you can actually find Sarah's has a free YouTube video of exactly what I'm about to talk about on well on YouTube, the YouTube video part, my bad, and I'll try to put a link to that in the show notes. But here we go. It's going to be a little bit of a play. The I will be playing the role of therapist and client, and I will not be changing my voice. I'll call those out by therapist and client. So here we go. So for session that therapist says it's hard to. Explain what act is about simply by describing it probably wouldn't make much sense even if I tried. So would it be okay if I showed you what it's about by using a metaphor at which the client says, sure, they're great, so that their picks up a clipboard or a large hardback book and shows it to the client. Actually don't use a clipboard. Got an ipad that I take notes on, and I never wanna do this experience with an ipad. So sometimes I'll grab book. So you grab a large hardback book or clipboard and shows of the clamp. K. therapy says, I want you to imagine that this clipboard represents all the difficult thoughts and feelings and memories that you've been struggling with for so long. And I mean, just think about that now kind of going off script here a little bit that all the thoughts, feelings memories, the things that have that have caused you to feel stuck and I'd like you to take a hold of it and rip it as tightly as you can. So I can't pull it away from you. So the client grips it tightly, let's say the clipboard for the sake of argument client groups that clipboard now I'd like to hold it up in front of your face so you can't seem anymore and bring it up so close to your face. And it's almost touching your nose. So the client holds the clipboard directly in front of his or her face blocking their view of both therapist and the surrounding room. There pa- says, now what?.

Russ Harris YouTube Dula pa Sarah
"russ harris" Discussed on True Crime Brewery

True Crime Brewery

02:04 min | 2 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on True Crime Brewery

"States theory was that david killed lisa when he found this out david had several supporters of his innocence including a twenty four year old girlfriend rachelle louise who said she was giving up her career as a banker to write a story about the case so where did this happen this is an australian crime oh my gosh i think i've book for this call this a book called the fall i think i do plan on doing it in august to look for it sounds like i was hoping i was just kind of ghoul and around and i didn't find that much information about it while it sounded interesting to me i wasn't sure how much we could find on the case this is a case i was looking at a few weeks ago 'cause there was a book called the fall about it and it interested me because i'm terrified of heights of course read into i fell right into it and so if i'm correct about this grace we will be doing that in august the other interesting thing david apparently had a bunch of groupies after he was arrested after he was arrested bundy thing so this twenty four year old girlfriend was just one of dozen women who attended his trial and professed his innocence that's the thing right look at the menendez brothers women all over this interesting story yeah definitely the other interesting thing when i was looking this girlfriend rachelle louise closely resembled lisa harnam the dead girlfriend that's fascinating it has to be a whole psychology behind that right type yeah thanks grace look that up okay last one this is a continent in kind of a public service announcement okay this is from cindy dear dick and jill just finish listening to the baby cooper case cooper harris really the russ harris case so this case was all over the savannah morning news so tragic and that a precious life was lost when it could have been prevented i have heard for several summers particularly about pets and children being left alone in high cars on noaa weather radio in the past.

david rachelle louise dick jill cooper harris bundy menendez lisa harnam russ harris twenty four year
"russ harris" Discussed on WSB-AM

WSB-AM

02:28 min | 3 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on WSB-AM

"Oh well okay most people get passed it so very quickly similar time in this segment this lady who got fifteen years in prison for letting the baby died in a hot car now she was in she went and got her hair done or something for hours and and the baby died and see it's a fifteen year so the same thing is the ross harassed case except for some reason i didn't get his big i want to hope there's not racial i want to hope the because the ross here is kidd was white with blonde hair and everybody cared about it because this was an african american child who died in very much the same way russ harris gets life this lady gets fifteen years is that because this is seen as somewhat accidental as opposed to something that was planned murder a harass harassed thing they'll well there's different levels of criminal culpability than you know first degree murder that's when you act within an abandoned in malignant heart and with malice aforethought a non leaning planning massive thought not as you plant right the planet you know you schemed right you had intent yeah and so that's something that saw in the harris case ultimately that you know the the collateral thaksin circumstances in evidence pointed to definitely enabled who what he was googling a online and stuff like this lady appeared may be on drugs while this is going on who added that seem more and more criminal negligence in riots in all with its extreme in its gross negligence and it rises to the level of criminal culpability but and this is more of a second degree murder scenario she didn't schemed to do it she decided out of extreme stupidity is still doesn't addressed the fact the why this city doesn't cherish and care about this loss child as much as they did with child in the backseat of ross harris's caught on that one of these people who buys into all of these race things but it it makes you wonder i mean this very wonderful station we had a whole string of that trial this was just show up here and there and i don't know it's kind of a husband was asking for a bigger sent via the husband is really angry and i just i hope it and say something about us 'cause i hate those kind of narratives but this child was every bit as precious as the child in the backseat of ross harasses car eric von haessler mine herman cane belie valley eleven near times every day on news 955 and am 750 wsb this is a breaking triple team traffic alert from w sb 1050.

ross kidd russ harris murder first degree murder ross harris harris second degree murder fifteen years fifteen year
"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch

01:52 min | 3 years ago

"russ harris" Discussed on The Virtual Couch

"And couples living iranian depression you name it and uh but then at times when you when you're working with somebody it's a vulnerable moment in in sometimes you you think met what am i do it you know somebody's gonna tapped me on the shoulder and say you totally miss that went up and i'm not saying that they're by any sort of imagination have everything feared outer perfect of that sort of thing but man we're trying hard i'm in the best interest of our clients and even a couple of my latest by guests up so 25 and 26 the nurtured heart approach which is for parenting and if t which is for couples those are my soapbox speeches i could not wait to give those those podcasts and and they have been a will receive i'm so grateful for that because that is what i'm passionate about but every now and again i think we what what if i'm wrong with all this couples communication whatever it is better of bear yourself down on a bunker and wait till the other person comes out which i know it's not right but that's at concept of an impostor central so so where does impostor syndrome come from i have a couple of things i want to share one of them is one of my go to books and i promise you i had a copy of this as of last friday and i just had a a client that i just felt impressed the to give that coppi too so i had or try to get ahold of the book earlier but it's called the happiness trip in its by russ harris and happiness trap is a book about what's called a ct acceptance and commitment therapy i absolutely love acceptance and commitment therapy so there's a couple of kind of go to fundamentals in the therapy were one of them is cbt which is called cognitive behavioral therapy and i was a trained cognitive behavioral therapist for the first many years of my career and i can still do cbt a often and it works so cbt is a kind of a formula where your thoughts innocence lead your emotions in your motions lead your behaviors so we get in there and we dig deep we try to figure out where those automatic thoughts come from you sometimes hear this phrase answer.

cognitive behavioral therapy russ harris