18 Burst results for "Roxane Gay"
"roxane gay" Discussed on Dyking Out - a Lesbian and LGBTQ Podcast for Everyone!
"With what is that. What's going on here. Morgan drive by lesbian moment right. And she has so many moments and she's one i really do feel like she's bisexual and for whatever. Reason is not owning up to it. But i just watched an episode last night. Where they're playing truth or dare and luan dares bethany kiss barbara with her tongue and she goes right into it. Without hesitating in. Sonia is so jealous she so jealous and upset by watching this my sonia. You're gay. She has raised millions for the lgbt. You beat yet. no i mean. She's like always come like literally this close to say she's bisexual. I feel like and like she has admitted many times that she's very attracted to lou. Ann she loves it. She was trying to kiss bethany a pool at one. Point and Are yeah a and yes. She was definitely very jealous. That barbara moment and barbara does identify by. Barbara is buy yes That's what i thought. It was always like so close to it and soon us very clearly like self-destructive in unhappy with any man that she tries to be with. And i'm just like why don't you try this. Yeah it doesn't occur to them because they were just like of the eighties. I don't know like they just. It seems like it's just their generation hooking them back like got mad that carole radziwill wasn't like flirting back shoes man because she was like oh carols flirty but she i think says like carols bullshit lesbian or something like us both structual flirt. But then she won't actually like kiss me clicking right. That's another one and two. That carol has something about her. That like every woman on the show talks about how how they just volunteered. They're like. I don't sleep with women. But if i had to carol i'm like this is so crazy. I don't do is like putting out vibes there. Is she bisexual. And that's why these women are like feeling that way about her. I don't know it's really crazy. I don't know. I just want to get to the bottom of it on this here episode. Why when we talk about the housewives amongst especially lesbians bisexuals queer people. Why are we constantly just always. That's the throwaway line there so good and then we'll end the conversation there and i want to get to the bottom of why this is a queer franchise i need. I need a answers. I i have been trying to get like the phrase bravo dyke to catch on for a really long time now. I think it's been literally. Here's i'm like it's making moves like 'cause i got my girlfriend's super into bravo and she ended up writing something for the cut about like starting to watch the housewives and like nine housewives fan and she used bravo daikin it and credited me and i was like all right. We're in the cut. We're like i've written a few times in austria on we're getting bravo dyke out there putting out in the because they have to tell us rothschild about it. He has another podcast. Or who is also i would say quite the bravo day. Yes yeah do you know who camille paglia is. She's in her seventies. She's a feminist like social cultural critic. Huge dike she is written essays and essays on the housewives about how they are gay. They are feminist. Like it's like a very feminist show. And then she caused some ripples i think in like the mid twenty tens with that because then gloria steinem jumped on the conversation event and was like no. This is not a feminist. Show this sets us back. She says she's it's like watching a train wreck she's embarrassed. She believes contrived artificial story lines. She hates how much plastic surgery there is. And then roxane gay joined the conversation towards the end at twenty thousand one on watch what happens. Live and says this franchise allows them to be their truest selves..
"roxane gay" Discussed on Even the Rich
"Megan thee stallion And i'm thinking of course about their provocative performance of the grammys this year which i loved A lot of people had a lot of thoughts on it. How does race complicate the way we talk about. Women being sexual in public. Do you think madonna door for them to do what they do. I think madonna opened the door for white woman to do it. And i think that when if black women do it you know. It's a whole different story. If madonna had made song w a wop The conversation around that would have been entirely different. And ben chewier would not have sort of lost his goddamn mind you know like the rules are just different and black. Women are always punished for sexuality. Yeah so then. Do you think that in this example. Who's opening the door or cardi. B and megan of opening the door themselves. I think they're opening the door themselves. Other people have opened the door but black women tend to have to reopen the over and over again whereas white women like lady gaga. Got to walk through the door that madonna and but cardi b. and make. The stallion had to reopen the door. That nicki menaj opened and open right Okay so just to switch gears again. Madonna portrayed ever perron vida. She directed a film about the life of wallace. Simpson the duchess of windsor. And she's famously a huge fan of frida kahlo. What do you think draws to such complicated women. I think she knows a good story when she sees it and i think that she sees herself as a complicated woman i think she sees her something of herself in these women and so i think she's just sort of searching for vehicles where she can express that side of herself. We get support from parade. Parade makes the most incredibly comfortable creative basics in a variety of sizes from extra small to three x l. And listen. I'm dead serious when i say that this stuff is so comfortable. I wanna throw this company a parade. See there and i feel the same way. They've got boy shorts a super comfortable. Thong parade underwear starts at eight dollars and recently they launched their first ever brawl. It's yeah i gotta say when you say that they're comfortable. It's so true. You know how much i don't like wearing clothes. I'm actually wearing a pair of parades underwear right now tells you how comfortable they have to be for me to be wearing them at home when i don't really need to be closed other than on this. That is shot a glowing. It really is. I also really love. How many colors. There are parades basics coming over thirty expressive colors which means there are endless. Mix and match opportunities. Yes so currently..
"roxane gay" Discussed on Even the Rich
"You know. People who reached that level of fame actually are highly curated and they have gotten very good at boundaries and preserving them. You're only ever going to know what they want you to know. And certainly of course there are really talented interviewers who can crack through through the facade and i felt like we had a great conversation but i also felt like she was only going to say what she was going to say no matter how i approached it or tried to sort of. Go past the facade right. I'm curious how you ended up. Landing the interview of madonna for harper's bazaar that seems like a pretty cool get It's a weird story. So the artist marilyn minter is a friend of madonna's and she mentioned my book bad feminist to madonna and that I should have covered that. She should have a conversation with me. And then i believe. Madonna read bad feminist and then requested me for fi interview. That's really cool. That is so roxana. A lot of people consider you one of the most influential feminists of your generation. Do you consider madonna a feminist. And why or why not you know. I don't think it's up to me to define who is and who isn't feminist. Think that except if you're a pro-life sorry you're not a feminist your parade. I think that she has done many feminist things Over the years. And i think that she has been a beacon for women who want to be a little radical and who want to be provocative in our last episode. We included some clips from madonna's billboard woman of the year speech in twenty sixteen. I'm just gonna share one of those clips again here. I remember wishing that. I had a female here that i could look to support camille paglia. The famous feminist writer. Said that i set women back by objectify myself sexually. Oh i thought so. If you're a feminist you don't have sexuality you deny it. So i said i'm a different kind of feminist. I'm a bad feminist. As the woman who popularized the term. Can you explain the concept of a bad feminist. What does it mean. It means a lot of different things to different people. But when i coined the phrase it was partly tongue-in-cheek and partly not you know i think that mainstream feminism certainly has a reputation and it gives the impression that you have to behave in very specific ways to be considered a good feminist. And so i found that that definition didn't leave a lot of space for people like me who may have had some inconsistent ideologies but we're still feminists and so i thought it was better to create a space with feminism for myself by calling myself bad feminist. Like 'cause i'm really bad at it. But i also create you know coined the phrases repudiation of mainstream feminism and the way in which it prioritises heterosexual middle-class able bodied white women and to the detriment of every other kind of woman. And if. that's good feminism than i'm a bad tremendous..
"roxane gay" Discussed on Even the Rich
"From wondering i'm brooks ephron and i'm a risha good marvel yards and this is even the rich over the last four episodes. We followed madonna as she went from couch surfing. Spiring dancer in new york to a record-breaking rock and roll hall of famer but madonna story isn't over yet she still working making music and reminding us all that no one does quite like the weena. Pop exactly nothing slows madonna down. And she's hard at work on the next chapter in her ongoing evolution. Now we know how. Madonna got here. But we don't know as much about how she stayed here especially given all the criticism she received right so today we're talking to author roxane gay about sexuality in the nineteen eighties ageism in the music industry. And what makes madonna bad feminist. Roxane gay is a writer co host of the luminary podcast here to slay and the author behind several books including the new york. Times bestseller bad feminist. Before we get to that though. I feel like we should talk about our own relationship to madonna. Like i feel like everybody has their madonna moment. Where they. I discovered her right. Oh one hundred percent. My first memory of madonna. That lake really was like this is madonna. She's on the map in my head was the music video for material girl where it's like she's dancing and she's got all these managed in that pink dress and it's just so iconic. They replicated in gossip girl lake. It's truly just. I was like this woman knows fashion. This woman knows how to sing. This woman knows how to dance. I basically have all three things in common with her. Obviously to triple threats going through life. Yeah exactly how about you so yeah. My first memory of madonna is the like a prayer video. And i'm actually not sure how that's the case because i was like four when that video came out i can just remember us like dancing in my living room to like a prayer. I love. I love that song and you know we watched it back again recently. All of us. That etr like wow. This video is wild. Like that woman. Throwing madonna into the air finding that scene. I don't remember seeing that.
"roxane gay" Discussed on KQED Radio
"These are people who don't have a lot of money, and yet they give and they give and they give And make sure that this community is being fed and that they have tents and blankets and sleeping bags and clean water and It's because they care. Nobody asked them to do it. They saw that the Los Angeles government led by Garcetti wasn't doing this work and they did it themselves. And If we would all just do that, like realized that you don't have to change the world but feed one person. Oh, and see what happens it just every day. I think about them and I support them as best I can with money, and I would also happily go and feed people and just sort of work the food wine. I don't I'll do whatever. But they have just it's just humbling to see. Like what These young people are doing and How much better the players you know the world would be if everyone just took it upon himself to help one other person, and everyone talks about that like that. We have to change through care. It's not gonna happen through indifference. And I think it's also getting it. This question of self care to I mean, Hey, How are you during this pandemic? I know you've talked about how therapeutic baking has been. For example, in all of this that Yeah. I mean, how do you exercise self care if you want to share You know, I'm not really great at self care on sort of part of the generation missed that. But again, Jenna and I were just like whenever something terrible, you guys Trying, Tio. I am trying to remind myself that I can take the entire world on my shoulders all day every day, which is very hard for me as a workaholic. It's challenging. But I did try to remind myself of that I do try to allow myself to step away and I'm doing that more and more, especially with regard to social media. Because I find that it's incredibly toxic. I also don't watch 24 hour news if I can help it because It's too much. We don't need to be informed 24 hours a day and I personally don't need to be informed. 24 hours a day. I feel like I have a really good handle on what's going on in the world without watching CNN. We're talking about Roxane Gay. We're talking with Roxane Gay about Audrey Lord and also about her. So if you have questions for Roxane gay about what she's doing these days, she's a lot of projects going on. And also if you want to reflect on the life and work of the Lord, and how Audrey Lord influenced or inspired.
"roxane gay" Discussed on KQED Radio
"Thanks so much for reading that that one that was One that I had had really liked just because, you know, I think women are celebrated for their silence. Still in this culture, to some extent, and it has always felt like a bit of a conspiracy to me. That's the other reason that I liked. It is because I remember the last time we talked. It was about your memoir, Hunger, and I was wondering if that was sort of one place of sort of radical truth telling for you. Of breaking of breaking your silence to some extent. Absolutely hunger and 100%. Sure we talked about this was a book. I was terrified to write, and I drag my heels for quite a long time because It's really challenging to write about the body you're living in. And at the same time I understood that until I wrote about FAZ the way only I can I wasn't going to see the kind of just discourse about that miss in the world that I wanted to see. And so it was a real challenge to find the gumption the courage to do that writing while also just being so terrified and so concerned with what people would think and feeling so very vulnerable because I was still living the body it was writing. But you know fact discourse is so messed up, and I think it's just so crucial to To talk about these truths because everyone you know lives in a different kind of body that has a story so they have on the importance of not being sound. The other piece of this that I was struck by was the visibility that she talks about in the invisibility of racism. But there's so much in her work that I feel like it's all about being visible, especially when She was diagnosed with breast cancer. And I I know you included quite a bit from the cancer journals and a burst of light, and I was wondering if her writings on cancer gave you insight into your own mothers experience with lung cancer. You know it did. I've been really trying to be the best kind of support. I can. My mom has stage for one cancer, and it has classifies. And it was really unexpected because she's asymptomatic and still is, but we know that her cancer is fairly advanced. And You know, we have a lot of strange cultural rhetoric around cancer about warriors and, you know, you know they're chancer. People, people. Cancer patients are heroes, and I think that's all true. But I also know that in the moment when you're living in a body that's failing you, you know, maybe you don't want to hear that. Maybe you just want to hear the truth of what it means to live in a sick body. Also recognizing that Living in a sick body is not the entirety of who you are. And so one of the things I admired about Audrey Lord in the cancer journals and in her writing around cancer is that she wrote about the material reality of Being sick. And she didn't glamorized or Val arrived. The experience. And I definitely draw a lot of consolation from that, as I tried not to be too Ra RAA with my mama and just like, you know, sometimes she's like I'm done. I'm not doing this anymore And just think you're 70 years old. You're very much going to continue treatment. And if she's well, she's doing well. Things considered. I always try to remind myself I'm glad to hear that she's doing well. We're talking about the life and work of writer and activist Audrey Lord, with Roxane Gay. What are your questions for Roxane Gay and has the life and work of Audrey. Lord influenced you in some way. If so, how?.
"roxane gay" Discussed on KFI AM 640
"So now they were given out by the congressional black caucus but it did look like political theater holding to have them wear this and then it taken me it's a very ornate it's a traditional would you call it a scarf yeah that you wear around your your neck and shoulders best selling author Roxane gay said I'm not sure what's funnier these ridiculous politicians wearing kente cloth or Corey Booker smartly opting out of that absurd performance it's smart we mention that the Democrats unveiled today some legislation they call it the justice in policing act again it's just a first draft at this point but things like overhauling legal protections for law enforcement national database of excessive force episodes of new standards for police training at cetera so as that legislation goes through the normal course of of what is Capitol Hill will bring any of the updates on it well the officer who has been charged with the death of George Floyd appeared in court today one of the officers Ryan burrows covering this and joins us now a pretty brief hearing right Ryan eleven minutes long this was former officer Derek show when he's the one seen in the video putting his knee on George Floyd snack he is also the only one of those four officers charged with second degree murder and what we learned today was that she is basically a bit the bail is set at one and a quarter million dollars that's unconditional bail one million dollars with conditions including if the surrenders firearms he must be actively supervised if he's able to post bail and you can't leave the state without permission we didn't hear much from him he answered a few of the judge's question she actually appeared via video link from about twenty five miles away from the courtroom where he is being house right now at a state prison facility maximum security where he is also under suicide watch but yeah I was you know a pretty brief hearing with his attorney didn't speak at all to the charges or their defense at all as we heard with the three other officers you know we're we're the attorney came out afterwards and said you know it was it was show and he was he was the guy who is the ringleader of all of this not our guys were pretty new to the floor so we didn't really hear anything from them in those regards will be back in court June twenty ninth outside of that June twenty ninth appearance do we have any sort of very basic framework of what this looks like going for the next couple of months you're talking about so what did it what a trial would look like yeah the timing of it I mean when it's probably too early for that but not before the end of the year and not before election day for example it certainly seems to be months away if not it well into twenty twenty from everything we're hearing from attorneys and legal experts the Addis this is not something that will be you considered or fixed for a while and to be honest with you I I don't know if that works to the advantage of the disadvantage of the prosecutor in this case has already been asked what are you gonna be able to get a fair jury pool after all that's gone down over the last two weeks are you gonna be able to find a jury that's going to take this case are you gonna be able are you going to have to move this out of the county out of the state anywhere where would the best place to be to have this trial and I think that that's something that's going to be debated for several weeks if not months you know death holding on on where a fair trial would be able to take place where do we stand with the pro testing and in Minneapolis still daily protests you saw what happened last weekend so I think it was Sunday when the mayor came up to speak in a basically shouted him down and told him to go home because he right now is not in favor of abolishing the police department which it sounds like nine of the twelve city council members are in favor of at this point out we don't know of any kind of replacements basically what they came out and said is they want to and policing as they know what you re creates a system of public safety that actually helps keep us safe they call the Minneapolis police department failed they call them toxic they want them to go away but what is that mean I mean is it going to be lawlessness on the streets with the county take over if you witness something or you were a part of something you picked up the phone and called nine one one who would respond you know there there are discussions that well maybe we take that money and allocated to things like homelessness or mental health as a way to provide better services to people who need help as opposed to sending police everywhere but really there has not been any kind of replacement suggestion as to what would happen if the the police were completely abolished Ryan appreciate it thank you you gotta take care of there was a congressional black caucus chairwoman representative Karen bass who was on CNN with Jake tapper over the weekend and she said I don't believe you should disband police departments she said we need to look at how we're spending the resources and invest more in our communities which is a conversation to have if the police are getting the bulk of the money and in the budget then that's a conversation to have and how can we divert more money into the other communities that need it that that need it so that people aren't desperate I in C. N. N. wrote an article about is this a bad political move this whole de fund the police movement yeah and they pointed to Karen bass's comments and they said that her quote is at the heart of the political problem for Democrats with this defined effort has a wall some crowds around the country are chanting define the police it's likely what most people involved in these protests want not to take all the money away from police departments and get rid of the cops but they want an examination of the budgets for police departments yeah but and look at the A. increased militarization of these police department but if I'm making a sign and I write D. fund the police right versus let's re examine the allocations of law enforcement money's right to community resort right but I can't write that on my sign so like that narrative being pushed is not doing them any favors it's not it's not at all but remember the guy from black lives matter that we had on last week yeah Keeling he specifically said he wants to Polish the police department he said there are people in his movement that want to abolish the police department but that he wasn't one of those but here's the issue with that I mean even if even if that's the case even if he's aligning himself with people who do say they want to abolish the police department that's not even necessarily true but that's what they're saying I mean if you use Camden New Jersey as an example I mean the first thing we did in the show today was we talked about Camden New Jersey the city of had a ridiculous crime problem they have problems with their relationships with the police officers they finger quotes abolished their police department when in fact all they really did was they took V. Camden city police department away and turned it into the Camden County police age well and PS they only had a hundred and seventy five officers at one point in their city police department a hundred seventy five we have ten thousand LAPD officers it's easy you just can't compare but I'm wondering if this is like a negotiating tool you know come to the table and say we want to completely defund the police and then you get more than if you come to the negotiating table with I'd like to examine the city's budget possibly I mean the you start on complete opposite ends and then you work your way to the middle so some sort of solution but I don't feel like that's a to your point there I don't feel like that's a winning message the idea of de funding the police because that strikes fear in the hearts of people who count on police or expect there to be some amount of protection when when everything goes south I mean that's it it's it it's a message that's that fits on the sign of course right but it's not the message that they probably mean to actually say M. A. N. when we went through and we looked at at least one black lives matter organization that did put out a list of things that they would like to see in exchange for our our in place of police departments as we know them it's basically just re funding or or funding to more healthy level some of those things that should be funded now social services mental health professionals they can go out on specialized calls that I don't think any police agency would would would necessarily disagree with those types of things it's just the part that a police agency would be the one agency in a city that would have to suffer so that those other things could be improved make a lot of sense all right Gary Indiana will continue.
"For Your Reconsideration" Week
"This week's theme is for your reconsideration. The curator is Donde from luminary. Here are the podcasts and episodes chosen by Yolanda. Monday's episode comes from metaphysical milkshake and is called. Can you honor indigenous faiths without being a jerk. It's thirty four minutes long in this episode. rainn Wilson Resin Ostlund have one question. How do we honor and embrace embrace indigenous faiths without becoming like Kevin Costner? How can we become more than dilettantes? With dream catchers Kevin Locke is an artist Hoop dancer musician musician. Educator and cultural ambassador for his Lakota an Amish on Beirut's he joined the pod to share what we can do to better understand our indigenous faith traditions and how out to see our spiritual heritage in all the land around us. Join the conversation using Hashtag. Metaphysical an email your thoughts to metaphysical milkshake at soul pancake. GEICO DOT COM. Tuesday's episode comes from on second thought with Trevor Noah and is called prison break. It's forty four minutes long in this episode. Trevor and David David discussed their ideas for improving. Prison then talk about alternatives to incarceration Danielle Sarid founder of common justice. Wednesday's episode comes from from under the skin with Russell brand and his called science capitalism. And God with Neil degrasse Tyson. It's one hundred twenty one minutes long. Here's the description. This week's guest on under the skin is the infamous astrophysicist Neil degrasse Tyson. He's pretty amazing. He was promoting his book letters from an astrophysicist but he was much more than and being a focused and dedicated educator I enjoyed talking to him. Thursday's episode comes from here to slay with Roxane gay and Tracy McMillan Cottam him and his called all. Your faves are problematic. It's fifty three minutes long this week on the show Tracy and Roxanne take on the Popeye's chicken sandwich and all of its glory as well as the problematic takes that have come along with it. Friday's episode comes from the seaward with Lena Dunham and Alison Bennett and is called Lady Rosemary. Aber door it's fifty three minutes long in this episode Rosemary. Obrador seemed to most like a shy awkward wallflower but underneath drab exterior lurked an appetite for Jules parties parties and larceny born into an unassuming middle-class English home rosemary secretly stole thousands of pounds to fund her glamorous identity as titled Aristocracy. That's Lady Lady Aberdeen to you. Lena analyst Cover Rosemary's wild parties outrageous schemes her ultimate downfall and discuss what it's like to feel unseen and unappreciated those are the podcast recommendations chosen by Yolanda for this week's theme for your reconsideration
"roxane gay" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"Well, I've been on the internet since nineteen Ninety-two back when we had like six hundred Baud modems three hundred Baud modem. So I have been on the internet for a long time. And in many ways, I feel very comfortable and more comfortable on the internet. So while I might have low self esteem in the physical world and the virtual world, I'm very confident. So where does that come from because you're freed from the constraints of your physical self in the virtual world, you can be anything. You can be anyone you can say that sort of witty retort that you never have when you're walking down the street, and someone says something mean to you for me onto. Twitter. I have it right there for whatever reason. I don't quite know why. But I just have that ability to say exactly what I want to say when I want to say it. So I don't feel as. Constrained by self-esteem because I just believe in my right to say what I want to say. And the thing is I don't go looking for trouble. I don't believe in being cruel. It's when you come to me with your nonsense that I pushed back, and so that also helps me to be confident because in general, I'm a kind and fun person. And I believe for the most part my online demeanor reflects that except I also love to complain by. Oh, it's my favorite thing. It feels so good it just like just to articulate these are my woes today. And it just feels really good. Yes. My you know, my stomach hurts. I didn't sleep enough. So I just enjoy complaining. I get it from my mother what you see is complaining might just be seen by somebody else's being honest about how you feel in bed feminist, you say you're full of longing and your full of envy, and so much of my envy is terrible. Most people if they felt that they were full of envy. And that envy was terrible would hide it. You don't know. There's no need again forty was a game changer. It really was. I just I love how you're just putting so much on that age change. She'll I think it was fine. The night last debut being thirty nine eleven fifty nine PM been forty like. Oh my God. I won the lottery. He'll no. But I also I mean, it just happens to be forty..
"roxane gay" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"Like, the I always that first moment when I get a really good Email where I just think. And then five minutes later. I'm like, how am I going to top this? So it's it's a lot. How do you keep pushing through that sense of it not being enough or do you want to? I would like to I would like to get to a place where I understand what satisfaction. Feels like where I think. Okay, I've done enough for today for this week for this life. But I mean, you could say that right now, objectively, I don't know. Really? Bad. How high the bars today the bar is very high. I don't know that anyone could ever reached the bar. So I'm working on lowering the bar and just being comfortable with mediocrity. Yeah. Let's see how long that lasts. In the New York Times review of your book difficult, women, the author declares what constitutes a difficult woman for Roxane gay. He's easy by the third day. One of her troubled troublesome narrators tells us we've already slept together twice. I'm not a hard sell. She's also, needy moody and above all unpredictable, which makes her dangerous when I read that. I thought that doesn't really sound like the definition of difficult to me. And I'm wondering if we could talk a little bit about why that even is something that is posited as difficult. It sounds interesting. It does sound interesting. I think anytime a woman demonstrates any amount of personality self actualization or free will we're like, oh this bitch is fucking difficult. And that's really frustrating because we have these very limiting. Categories into which we like to put women and contain them. So anytime, you try and get out of those categories. You start to create problems. And so it's interesting, and I don't think it's actually difficult. But I do think we are considered difficult in those circumstances. And so especially in difficult women, I was trying to explore what are the circumstances in which a woman is behaving in a completely rational normal way, and is considered difficult, and we see that over and over and over again, whether it be Serena Williams, whether it'd be Hillary Clinton, and you've said that you want characters to do bad things and get away with their misdeeds. Yes. You you want characters to think a glee thoughts and make a glee decisions you want characters to make mistakes and put themselves I without apologizing for it. And as I was reading those lines. I was wishing that I could be a person like that. Like that is the definition of for me what a happy woman looks like. And I'm wondering if there was any projection in those lines for yourself too. Because it really does sound like the perfect woman. Well, thank you. I am the perfect woman. Ha she said she was easy. I mean, my fiction is indeed fiction it is made up. But there's always a lot of wishful thinking. And I wish I could do this. I wish I could behave in this way. I wish I could say this without consequence. But you could I mean good, but there are always consequences. And so I think about consequences in this goes back to of course, carrying about the approval of others. And so oftentimes, especially in difficult women. Those women are doing the kinds of things that I think a lot of women would love to do if they were freed from the constraints of womanhood in the world as it is in say about film and the characters in the hunger games, you wrote for the rumpus, which is also in your essay collection bed feminist you rate. I am fascinated by strengthened women. People tend to think I'm strong. I'm not and yet what happens after the end yet. And yet here I am still standing..
"roxane gay" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"What will you create today? Debbie millman is joined today by very very special guest of bad as fuck feminist woman. This professor editor social commentator writer internet gangster. Fellow Haitian American Roxane gay. So. Wanna bring MS Debbie millman and MS Roxanne gates to the stage. Welcome to on air fest. Y'all. That was a pretty bad as interview, I was I feel super introduced. And. Yeah, I'm an internet gangster on Twitter. Well, actually, I think that the gangster part Mike go a little bit further back. I understand that in your high school yearbook. There's a note from girl who wrote I like, you even though you are very mean. So we're you really mean in high school. Why? No idea what you're talking about. Yes. No. I wasn't. I was really shy and awkward, but apparently my memory of myself and people's memories of me are very different things. And I do remember probably my sophomore year or so I developed a mean streak, and it wasn't bullying or anything like that. But if I had something biting to say, I said it I had no filter. You remember any of the more biting things, you might have done. No. I don't think God absolve myself of all of those sins conveniently so I don't remember what I said. Now, you've stated that in many ways like ability is very elaborate lie of performance a code of conduct dictating the proper way to be left to our own devices. Do you think that we're all really diabolical deep down inside Roxanne? I hope so. I genuinely hope so no, I don't think we're all diabolical deep down inside. But I think we have imperfections and dark MRs inside of us and some of us are better at hiding them than others. But I never trust. Anyone who seems perfect and incredibly likeable and incredibly nights? I always just think what's going on under there. So all of the HGTV hose. Anyone who appears on a hallmark channel movie, Kelly Ripa? Yes, I just think no offense to Kelly. We love her. No, just whenever I see these people in this performance of niceness. I just think my God, you are probably the cruelest person alive. And so I think it's more healthy when we at least knowledge those parts of ourselves, and I think maturity is knowing when to release that and when not to and so hopefully, I have since high school matured at least a bit except on Twitter. A what? What are you trying to say we'll get to that? You quoted Lionel Shriver in an essay for the financial times about the notion of liking, and he states this liking business has two components moral approval, and defection, and I'm wondering how much do you feel the need for the approval of others? Oh, I feel great deal like any good self loathing writer. All I want is approval. I think it comes from being Catholic and oh, yeah. And just like expecting the priests to listen to your confessions. And then hopefully telling you, oh, you did fewer sins this week. Good job. I never heard. But no, I do I think like many people care too much about what other people think and seek the approval of others, which is one of the reasons I think I worked so hard. It's just thinking. Okay. My finally good enough. Am I finally doing enough to earn my keep in this world? Do you think you'll ever feel that it isn't it? I would like to think so. But I don't know has it changed as you've gotten more successful the more successful. I get the less successful. I feel why. Because I keep moving the bar for myself. I keep telling myself, oh, this is not enough or that was luck. Or that was a fluke, and I never really allow myself to enjoy any accolade or rest on my laurels. So to speak, not even for a moment..
"roxane gay" Discussed on Tilted: A Lean In Podcast
"I had a book deal with Ted books. An imprint of Simon and Schuster to publish but called how to be heard which was basically going to be treatise on how to use your voice and make an impact and one morning I woke up, and I saw on the internet that Simon and Schuster had paid Milo Yannopoulos a quarter of a million dollars, which was many many times more than what the hair where paying me. But that's not why I was upset and I thought about it. And I just got angrier and angrier because enabling that kind of white supremacy is really unacceptable to me, particularly because mile is not a true believer. He's a provocateur. And so he's just doing it for attention, which makes it even worse. It's one thing if you have a genuine conviction, but it's another thing when you pretend to have conviction simply because he like attention. And so I. Thought about it. And I emailed my agent. And I said I don't want to work with Simon and Schuster. I'm going to cancel this. And she said, okay. And she never once questioned me, and it was great. And so I canceled my contract and pay back the advance in some ways. It was scary. Because you know, they're only five big publishers. And I worried about whether or not other publishers would be interested in working with me and. I just worried about what it would do to my career, but I have always had the luxury of day job. And that has allowed me to make really solid ethical decisions about my work because my rent was being was not being paid necessarily by my writing. I think it's really hard to be consistent ethically in a world where pretty much everything on ethical. And so I think we just make the best decisions that we can based on the current circumstances. And so it was a difficult decision. But it was also a very easy decision in that. I knew I was not going to work for a company that thought it was good to do business with Milo. I was in a financial position to pay back the advance. And so I did. And I understood that there were other writers who wanted to pull their both from Simon and Schuster, but could not afford either career wise or financially to pull their books, and I totally understand that you know, I think if you can't afford to say, no in the same ways, you wanna be able to take the stands that you can. So it's important to take. Step back and look at your life and your circumstances. And try and decide what stands in my in a good position to make and then follow through. I think follow through more important than anything else. It can be a small STAN just make it and stick to it. Do you hear that sound in her voice, ladies that is the sound of conviction? And I love it. I want to be just like you Roxanne. I was so inspired by that. I hope you guys were to no matter. How much is in your Bank account figure out what you're passionate about take a stand and stick to it? Listening to these women today. Also makes me realize that the things that make me feel rich have nothing to do with money. Like, you know, what makes me feel like a million bucks knowledge. Knowing stuff knowing that I care about other people that said, I do love a little luxury like getting my nails done going shopping and getting nice makeup. Some of our upcoming storytellers him like Cecile Richards and Maria menounos have their own definitions of luxury luxurious to me is hanging out in my kitchen with my three kids and sometimes Ali my dog, and sometimes my husband, Kirk and cooking all day, a nice, soft bathrobe feels luxurious to me making some fabulous feast, soft bedsheets feel exerience to me, you know, arguing about what kind of pie that we wanna make getting to. Sit in my yard and meditate feels luxurious to me. And MS Pat really is business week. Tissue my weeds. I net. You look like a horse and Indianapolis. On this episode. You heard for miss Pat says a shot head and Roxane gay.
"roxane gay" Discussed on Tilted: A Lean In Podcast
"Living in a small apartment in Michigan just writing whenever I could. When I started to see how many people were reading my work in the various online outlets that was publishing in. I started to realize there is value to what I'm saying. And in general whenever I published something somewhere. I do ask for the analytics because it helps me to make a stronger case for the next time that someone comes to me with an offer, you know, we live in a capitalist society. So in general, it's what the market will bear. And I look at what men are being paid. And I ask for that. And sometimes more. I think it's really hard to figure out what you're worth as a writer because most outlets pay such a pittance. And so it was when I no longer needed the money that I decided to set a dollar amount that was ridiculous, which is generally three to four dollars a word, and I picked that number because it takes time and energy and effort to write and. If you can't pay that that's totally fine. But I don't need the work. And so for me that was a good number where I could narrow down because I was getting so many opportunities, and I just couldn't I hate saying. No. So I found a different way to say, no, it's a little passive aggressive. But it's also what I believe I'm worth there are plenty of great writers in the world. We both know it. And so it's not that. I think I'm that special. It's just this is what it costs to get my words in your publication. And there are plenty of other writers who may or may not work for less. But I think more writers need to start holding this line. So that we can lift everybody up and everyone can start making a more equitable rate wage for their writing like we should not be writing for less than a dollar a word. How do we do that? We do that by all holding the line. And unfortunately, there's just no real way. There's always gonna be someone who's like. Yeah. Work for a penny a word, and so it's frustrating. In fact, magazine, a glossy magazine recently asked me to do. Profile of young actress. And they said it would be really empowering. But what I lower my rate. And I said if you really care about empowerment, you'll pay me three dollars and fifty cents a word, which was a discount on my usual rate. And that was that. And I have no Gretz because my time is really valuable and my words are valuable..
"roxane gay" Discussed on Tilted: A Lean In Podcast
"The venture capital fund. Now ventures and today, she came by to remind us that we hold the power to make change in the world. Women do. So I spent my childhood and my adults since volunteering in women's prisons in microfinance, micro enterprise. I worked in a camp for internally displaced people when a massive earthquake hit back Assan killing about seventy thousand people. I was living at a time when back to military dictator who is taking away many civil liberties, and I became quite active in protesting, those moves and demanding social Justice. So when I was about fourteen I began volunteering with an organization that was creating programs for women around microfinance and micro enterprise. These were women that lived in in the slums around the city. So you know, they had very little and many of them were working in households as domestic help and everything. About their life was tenuous, even their homes weren't permanent structures. They were living on essentially borrowed land and an any day could be forced to vacate. And so everything was so uncertain in their lives. And I remember this one woman in particular, whom we gave a loan to along with some business training and she used that loan to start a corner shop to lift her family out of debt and to send her three daughters to school despite all the uncertainty, despite all the things that we take for granted that she didn't have that. She was going to choose to make a better life for her daughter's that stayed with me. And this was a pattern that we saw over and over again on one that the Davis supported that. When you in power to woman to earn a dollar. She invested eighty to ninety percent back into her family and her community. It was typically thirty to forty percent for men. So if there's a silver bullet and fighting poverty, it's economically empower women. Yes, it is so satisfying to know that the research bears. This out empowering women financially is the way to change the world..
"roxane gay" Discussed on Tilted: A Lean In Podcast
"I learned the right way to make money is when I met my husband, and he was you know, he just got out of the military. He was working at Simmons mattress. And I'm selling drugs. I'm forging checks. He was like, yo why don't you get a real job? He say, you know, what you force those people checks you heard them. And I'm like, I'm I'm hurting them. I don't know them. He said how would you like to go to your account and somebody don't miss up all your money? And I never thought about it that away, and he was like, you can he said he said, you can earn more than anybody can give you and I'm like, no, no, no. You know, this is how we do. It is. He's like no do you want to change? And I was like, well, how do I do it? He say get a job. I was like a job. Don't nobody work. I want to got a job at McDonnell making four dollars and seventy five cents. Now, I never felt so humiliated in my life. But he also told me he said what if you die get killed in the who's gonna take care of your keys. You wanna see your kids with your kids father? So I was willing to suck up my pride and go make those four dollars and seventy five cents an hour to make a change in my life. I do have a bit about my I set of keys been Medicaid keys. My second set of kids by my husband being Blue Cross Blue shield kids, and I tell you when I finally got healthcare other than p Medicaid. I felt so proud to be able to go in there and pull out a car to say, I'm married to somebody. That cares about family all married to somebody that take care of. I got healthcare never thought I will have a healthcare call other than Medicaid, and I tease my keys alive because you know, they had totally two different lifestyle. I mean, both of them. I think both of them had pretty good. But the Blue Cross Blue shield keys out the sale crack, they went to a better school. They went to private school. They they could get braces where my my Medicaid kids can get no braces, you know, money something that up not always had. But with these keys, you know, I was fortunate to be able to take care of them breaking that cycle making sure they don't become what I went through teenage pregnancy. Highschool dropout convicted felon, I spent ever done to keep them from going through what they went through. When you grow up a certain way, you wanna make sure your kids don't go through what you went through. Rabbit is still in me, she she pushes the devil out of his pet rabbit is a hustle now. Don't like to be call rabbit, but she still in me. Accustomed remind my kids about rabbit all the time. And oh, we don't wanna hear that. But not tell my kids, you know, when when they're slacking I'd say when I was your age, I did this. And I did that and my pet had a different life. And I was like, oh, yeah. That's right. But you know without rabbit. It wouldn't be no MS Pat, I wouldn't have these stores that rabbit went through the struggles that missed pet is able to tell today. When I was a child money meant more to me than anything. Now money means to me freedom because a. I say this on stage. I don't have to eat chicken as no. Boy, I tell people all the time that was rough. When I grew up in realize, my mother was feed me that crap. And you know, I can I can I can eat I can live better. I can dress better. I can have better things so is freedom. And I broke the cycle the legal way. I mean, a my family nobody ever leave anybody anything, but maybe a section certificate. My dream is to leave each one of my keys are house, then some money. So it means finance a lot to me. I don't wanna be in debt. I don't want anybody. You know as a first generation American. I think about that all the time about how to Bill generational wealth for someone like me or miss, Pat..
"roxane gay" Discussed on Tilted: A Lean In Podcast
"I became a mother at fourteen and I don't care how you are. When you have a baby we all got their motherly instinct of any minds just woke up, and I started to realize is not me anymore kid now. I'm in eighth grade seven eighth grade. I was like I gotta protect his child. In a started thinking about what I had been through my daughter. Didn't know I was there young until she was in eighth grade. And she did a a family tree. And she's my mom is twenty eight and the teachers stopped her and say, there's no way your mom is this Yong that means you're fourteen years apart. My daughter said she looked around the clubs like y'all my mind twenty eight days like, no, Alabama fifty. My daughter came home and said my teacher say you can't be twenty eight. That's when I realized. Oh my God. I had to kiss at fifteen. Because I never thought about with my life was so fast that I never really thought about how young I was other than when I went to prison for selling drugs. So you know, when I turn my life around I had to go to her the hardest thing I had to go to her in politics. I said I'm sorry. I did the best. I could do. I was fourteen. She was there when I got shot. She was there when a daddy beat me. So I had a lot of policy is in to do. And I told her I said, I did my best. But you know, her my first son there so proud of me because they was there for the struggle. My son read the book one day, and he said he said because he was he was he was impalpable. He's like I had no idea that you've been through what you went through. And he was crying. And I was like what's wrong. He's like rich a book, and that's the son. I didn't know you could read..
"roxane gay" Discussed on Tilted: A Lean In Podcast
"I'm uncomfortable with this conversation. We shouldn't be talking about money. Why not we talk about everything else? I have a comfortable life now. But listen, I've been broke before I remember when I was first working as an actor in New York in an have enough money to for my metro card to pay for the subway. So I needed to get back and forth from on dish in. So I would stand outside the turnstile and just wait for people to come out to see if someone would give me a free swipe. Oh my goodness. It was so embarrassing. But it's like you had to do what you had to do. And believe me girl. I was going to get to that addition. I was always hungry because I was always eating just the cheapest thing I could find I mean, you know, a couple of noodles the dollar menu for McDonald's. But I think I learned a lot from those days. I can't say that I wish that on anybody. But I will say that having nothing really push me to take risks. Because I mean, what did I have to lose? I didn't have a security now, my parents had been deported. I had no family, and I really had to hustle if I wanted to chase my dreams. So I fully respect the struggle. I got my life back together y'all I went through the welfare to work program. And I don't know if y'all familiar with the welfare to work program with us a lot like diabetes. If the momma get it. That's a good chance daughter might get it. My mama. Got it. My sister GATT at my niece's. Got it added. Comedian and author Pat Williams learned about making money as a little kid in Atlanta where she was raised in a bootleg house, which is basically an underground bar where people go to get drunk for cheap back. Then miss Pat was called rabbit. And now she's written a memoir of the same name. Her book is an example of how determination a sense of humor. And a whole lot of love can get you through anything that life throws at you, even if you have zero money, and I mean zero money now rabbit lives on as an alter ego. But miss Pat is still making it happen. She's developing a TV show, she towards the country making us all laugh with her very real stories about growing up eating ketchup, sandwiches and something she calls chicken s. When I was a child money meant more to me than anything. My first memory money is when we lived in a bootleg house what my grandfather, and my momma would have me go in and take the drunk people while it out of their back pocket and for every wallet I stole. She would give me a dollar which was a lot of money in seventy nine. You know, I could go down the street and play pacman pacman had just came out seventy nine eighty. So you know, if I still firewall is that's five dollars. That's a lot of money kids in who didn't have five dollars back then so I was really reach. I could stay man machine all day. My name was all up and down the pacman machine. So, you know, it's not something that I look forward to it was something that she forced me to do. But in return, I got a dollar per wallet. Which was a lot of money. You know, it meant I could go to the store and I could buy candy. I can go to the store, and I could buy me something e I could stay away from the bootleg house all day because I hate it being in that house 'cause it will full of people. So if I may five dollars, I was going all day. So in a lot..
"roxane gay" Discussed on Tilted: A Lean In Podcast
"One of the most obvious ways your valued is in cold hard cash, which let's be honest, making money is pretty great. And what what's that line that Cardi says all right? Thales bid some sun. I like both. The ones that look like stats. I like born took it pool up robot. Solemn vow. So today, we're talking about the value of money having it getting it spending it saving it. We're going to hear from three women who learned about the value of a dollar in very different ways, author Roxane gay the venture capitalists Shizue head and our first guest, the comedian miss, Pat. The funny thing about money is how we value. It changes all the time. Right. Like, what does it even mean to have enough money? Let's talk about money. I got money to spend in here. So your family's rich. We're comfortable that is exactly what a super rich person would say. The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God. Grateful pay the bills. We'd I'll be Bill Gates. So what do you want money every cent when a man gives you money, you give him control. It's just money, man woman. Who cares? It's fluid someone needs. It you give you need it tank. It I would feel better about giving me the money. If you went to a therapist you buy your two year old daughter eighty dollars shoes from France. And just giving me a hard time..