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0151: Utah with Jamie Carter, Tim Glenn & Robert Burch (10/31/2018)
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Thursday, January 10: "I Said Bye-Bye"
President Trump leaves Democrats and Republicans hanging as he heads to the border. Robert Mueller's guardian angel makes plans to leave. And after years of allegations, police departments field demands to investigate R. Kelly. Like the show? Leave a review: http://bit.ly/ReviewStartHere Follow @StartHereABC for exclusive content, show updates and more: - Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/starthereabc - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/starthereabc - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/starthereabc Discover more ABC News podcasts: http://www.abcnewspodcasts.com Start Here is produced by ABC Radio. For more information: http://www.abcnewspodcasts.com
Aired 1 year ago 43:54
#459: Beyond Gratitude Lite: The Real Virtue of Thankfulness
This Thursday is Thanksgiving here in the United States. It’s a holiday dedicated to gratitude, and one in which we often trot out expressions of thankfulness.But how much is gratitude a part of our lives the other 364 days of the year? And even when we do think about gratitude at other times, does it admittedly often take a fairly superficial and fleeting form?On today’s show, we’re exploring the deeper, "harder" side of gratitude with my guest, Dr. Robert Emmons. Robert is a bona fide expert in his field -- a professor of psychology at the University of California Davis who pioneered much of the research on the science of gratitude. Robert explains what gratitude is, its benefits, and how to cultivate more of it in our lives. He also shares why much of the content out there about gratitude is what he calls “gratitude lite,” and he makes the case that we need to see gratitude as the ancients saw it—as a human virtue that requires a lifetime of intentional cultivation. We then explore the myths of gratitude out there, like the idea that counting your blessings can make you complacent. We end our show with some suggestions on how to nurture your gratitude daily, including some specific ideas to try on Thanksgiving.Get the show notes at aom.is/gratitude.
The Art of Manliness
Aired 4 months ago 16:07
The Sessions at Midori House: Villagers
Sediba. Eight. Does do it man. Hey, this is Connor from villagers, and this is a song called sweet safe savior. That it just as being the band of Irish musician Connery Brian for the lost decade. During that period, they've released five albums which have accumulated to mercury nominations and an Ivan fellow award that probably best nine for their fight music. But this latest album, the art of pretending to swim is much more electric. You'll find loops. And since spring, these folks onto the dance floor, it's about finding faith in religion and amusing and elsewhere for that matter which is reflected in knots to gospel songs under Brian's in relationship with his religious upbringing. Today, he plays a selection of stripped back songs from the the. The ten, chill it spreads. Never did a so tough chip bald. So. Fine. Never did a heartbe so fast sing. My. And all flow into the night with sing. No. Side at drang kid, I could not stay and from the floor up played my. Swear a sore attorney and sister sailing softly somewhere. Oh, sweet savior. Save me. Oh, sweet. Savio. Did is so tone should bald. Define. Never did a heart. So fast, sing, my. Praise. Ford field's lack turn ity. A sweet save. You don't do this to me. Never will is so tongue, chill bald, his define. Never will a hard. So fast play sing. My. Phrasing. Feels lack eternity. Save. Don't do this too. For what feels like you turn. Say, don't do this to me. Conroy Brian, Ovallis. Welcome to the sessions Missouri house. Hello, thank you doing an early session today. Thanks for stretchy over ten AM in the morning. Little croaky Connor. But yeah, it'll mean something and put of husk never mess. That's true. That's actually one of my sayings. You have just unleashed your brand new album onto the world, introduced us to the art of pretending to swim to pretend swim. It's a piece of my soul. Which has now left me and an enjoying performance at the moment. And I guess it's kind of an album abate the idea faith that was the working title for it, and you can kind of read into that what you will. It's kind of faith in the whitest possible sense of the word and it's got some some groovy tunes as well. We can dance around the kitchen. I mean, this idea of faith, I guess faith is something that has been with you in different shapes or forms. If we're talking about religion throughout your life, was there particular reason why he decided to tackle this on this album? Something shift, perhaps maybe in hindsight now that you say that it might have been. It might have been to do with things that were happening in Ireland, like the Myra to call the referendum repeal the and all these things which are almost repealing the Catholic church, you know, and that's I was I'm a certain age now where I was born in the time when I was ten, it was still illegal, actually be me. You know, homosexuality was decriminalised in nineteen Ninety-three in Orland. I definitely felt from ramifications that you know in my education and in the society around me, and I suppose all these kind of very positive social changes that happened in Ireland of. Maybe triggered something to to write about it. But I never really said I with that idea, it was all just face of conscious and flowing, I suppose, is this song called again. Space. Far move all. Flow. Two. Literate ready. It's so. Alone. We. Under the spouse. Into the show. In this. Is. Red beets. Again. Alone. I guess at the moment as well. There's a lot of faith lost in everything from the government -ociety media. Is that play on your mind as well when you write this up? Yeah, I remember what it was writing the. I got a text from my brother. Just going at it is just getting addicted to reading about Trump. I keep googling and then just getting really depressed like stuff. And yeah, it was the same. I just had to put my phone for read books again. What books pick up instead refined? I was reading on the big books from what I was writing. This was in my Angelou and I know why the cage bird sings. Which is kind of about her growing up in a depression era America, then just all of the racism and sexism and poverty and Gaza music, and all those things and her journey to becoming an incredibly prolific poet and author. And that was really inspiring when I was in writing, I suppose speaking of gospel music was the sort of music of faith spill hymns any sort of inspiration on this album is totally yeah, to the point where kind of sampled a group called the Dixie homing birds, which I think might be the longest running gospel group back. I might be wrong somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but became obsessed with mainly Jackson for awhile who's basically the Queen of gospel. And then she had a song called what then which she was singing much your he wrote. But and then I just went on a bit of a YouTube poll of. Various Frisians of that and found and Dixie birds, and then ended up leaping sampling it and and having him internal monologues about whether this was cultural appropriation not. But I decided it was cultural appreciation and just had love the foam with listening to wake Hulu music than I could ever make, then made my own awkward version of this is I mean, it's not a departure from your original fakery. Let's say it's more of a high tech development packs. Yeah. Did you approach making this Avin quite differently to your past albums? Totally yet. Basically, I just started learning how to build a studio and did that for almost maybe a year and completely neglected songwriting because I was just learning all the technical things mixing and just recording and learning to use new equipment and getting quite into very nerdy, things like frequencies and. All that kind of. And then I guess I kind of brought that to the west of Ireland went to friends is in place called castle Gregory and then basically learned how to write again, say, what have you got planned for their rest of the year of this record Turia Bougainville. That's an interesting phrase, Buki ING and religious dining. I like it. Thank you. Kind of makes you think of sort of village whole knees. Oh, yeah. Cool. Yeah, food green preservation society that are you taking your your villagers speaking on tour? Yes. Yeah, we're gonna tour everywhere. I'm gonna do. The biggest shows we've done yet, which is blowing my mind really excited about it. Around your e. k. and then probably next year America. This is a song called hold me down. Scene. This on. Way. Get. Oh, god. So. Rough murph. I'll be waiting patiently during. Down to Canada, myst- who. Of this, how. Omit down to the body spills to. So. Some. The lack. Single. So take me on. Can can go. Free. A laugh. Only down to on the stand to. This whole. Down to body spills. Then. You've been listening to the sessions at Missouri house. This week's guest Conroy Brian from villages, then you open the auto pretending to swim. It's out now dominant records and the band's touring the UK and Europe. For the rest of the the show is produced by me Holly Fischer and recruited mixed by Karen Panaji join us next week when we'll have live music from Texan. Jess Williamson. But until then thanks for listening. Call.
Monocle 24: Culture with Robert Bound
Aired 5 months ago 6:57
SMG Fall Promo
Hi, just Jackson here on a upcoming episode. Set listening breeze. Our aunt, Kathleen, my I guess Lugar. Rob Southgate was on the show talking about his musical biography. A new types of food redoing onset listening Bruce called time with Terry the premises. You pick a song for every decade you've been alive? That's the only rob gave an absolutely wonderful song selection in the reasons he picked the songs where to so special look for it in the settling in Bruce feed soon. However at the end of the episode, I asked him what was coming up, and he gave several things that are happening in the Southgate media network things that Martha in he are involved in in one that is wonderful daughter. Molly isn't often. And I thought this was good. Enough that we should share this around the network. So here we go. So rob this will come out in a couple of weeks. Obviously take some time to edit as you well know, what do you got coming up in October. Okay. Well, hopefully, this won't be passed quite on it. I don't want. They will be every year. We do. I do a lot of live events. We'd a lot of things that kamikazes. And what have you first of all I suggest following us at our website, which is south eight media group dot com. Follow us on Facebook there as well. If you follow us on Twitter, it's at s MG pods and IMAX at our Southgate's, and I'm also on Instagram as rob south gay. So the reason I'm saying that is we have a lot of lives stuff. If you follow us on those things, you're gonna see his post about them, if you can make it out to something please do September twenty-ninth, which I know is going to be after this post fourth annual as g podcast marathon at that. Doctor who cafe I mentioned the boombox cafe in Elgin, Illinois. Those episodes will be on our feed live at the blue box. If you want content go to go subscribe to live at the blue box because there's a hundreds of shows from things we've done there and our pockets birth on a real white cut. Really interesting fantastic stuff. I dare say it's the best pocket marathon indie hottest marathon in existence at I'm. I'm excited for that. Now, it might be topped already because on October sixth at the other world theater venue in Chicago, which is right by Wrigley field. Just like the metro that. I mentioned we are doing the first ever women in podcasting festival. Dan, the reason that happened number one one of the tenets of our businesses. We always said, hey, my will doesn't look like a bunch of forty year old white dude's my world has all sorts of people and at least half of them are female at least. So why why is it? I go to podcasting things that it's like eighty percent ninety percent forty year old white guys. So we started the women podcasting festival as a way to change the narrative. It's it's awesome. The shows are is not a feminist marathon. What it is is. We said that they shows that are hosted by female identifying house does it mean that a man can't be on the show. So like, we don't. Just a black of Martha's the host for that. I can still be on the pest evil with her hosting because it's her shop, right? What we put together is just absolutely fabulous lineup. It's daytime performance. If you could make it that would because we had to pay for venue. We do have to sell tickets to that. And we really really need to sell tickets. Now, if you can't go, and you want to support us, you can either order ticket and just not show up which would be terrible. Were we have a donate button at the website? If you go to the website, click on the poster four whip women in August festival, and there's a donate button there, and you can help support it because if we don't sell enough tickets, guess what we can't do this again next you, and we already got women that are writing us from all over people are coming in from all over the country to be on this marathon this festival. It's it's five hours. And I I mean, we could do we could have three days with it. But I can't if we don't sell any tickets. So it's really it's just really important thing. It's very special loss. The that. It will also be on. At least on the website at Southgate media group. I don't know if I'm going to end up making a a festival feed that was all things because we do do a lot of these kind of things were actually talked about doing it a festival on diversity and bringing out a lot of other voices and show that like what's not a bunch of forty old white dude's doing this. There's a lot of interesting ideas out there and people with you know, I don't care who you are. If you have the flash you of the flash if you Bruce Springsteen, you love Bruce Springsteen, and you've gotta show about it. It should be highlighted. Let's see what else. I we're always doing stuff. If you just gotta follow us on things and you'll see it on there. We do have a patriot as well for Southgate media group and Jesse and I have been talking we are going to actually somewhat up listening. Bruce of it'd be helping him out with that. And we're probably do that across the network because it does cost something to do these. And it would be very helpful if people through a buck in here, and there that would really really make a difference. What else? What were they if you happen to be in Chicago during December? Molly is starring in a show at a theater, it is the world's first science fiction fantasy female theater exclusive theater. And this is their art Earl year ad for their Christmas show their holiday show. They're doing a show called the winter wolf at actually wrote it with Molly in mind is the lead and she is going to be doing twenty performances. So if you could be integrated into supper compassi to where wall because you you'll be crying here you're going to see some terriers in that it is. It's it's a motion. And it's it is science fiction easy. It's it's based on German folk tale, it's it's it's just beautiful. We the ring through a year ago, and the people there had no idea it was going to be made into a show. People crying somebody research ended and said please put this on stage and use this cast and Molly was a little girl on it. So there you go, I think everything.
New Media Lab with Robert Southgate
Aired 1 year ago 43:22
#68: Single Fathers (with guest Robert Beeson)
Today's episode of parenting. Great kids is brought to you by little passports, little passports is the perfect holiday gift for that. Curious kid on your list with a subscription to little passports hits a fun ill package each month designed to inspire their curiosity in Kiogora feet world cultures or science little passports is great for kids of all ages. Order today at little passports dot com slash Meg. That's little passports dot com slash Meg. And by Kiwi. Co he recalled create super cool hands on projects for kids that make learning about science technology, engineering, art and math fun. He coast mission is to provide the next generation of innovators with the tools and foundation. They need to become creative problem solvers and critical thinkers kids. Can create their own arcade games, construct, a hydraulic claw or tinker with electron IX and Motors and friends I use Kiwi. Co for my two year old granddaughter and my five year old granddaughter. There's something for every child every age Kiwi. Co is offering parenting. Great kids, doctor Meg meeker listeners the chance to try them for free to redeem this offer and learn more about their projects for kids. Visit Kiwi cope dot com slash Meg. That's kiwi. Co dot com. K I w I c o dot com slash Meg. For thirty plus years. I've seen every type of child grow up instead of given me what I wanted. She gave me what I needed which was truth. Don't let emotions win lead truth. You're very bad. Then you have a lot of fun while you do it. The better you get at something. The more fun. You're going to have it something you moms and dads are wired with everything you need to be a parent to a great kid. Welcome to parenting. Great kids. This is episode number sixty eight in. I'm your host Dr Meg meeker today. We're going to be discussing single dads. So all of you single dads out there, or if you know a single dad, please make sure you listen to this podcast. My guest today is Robert Beason Robert is a Grammy award winning music executive. He founded essential records in nineteen Ninety-two home to artists jars of clay and Thurday he also created the city on a hill series in two thousand six he formed I shine records of faith based music and multimedia company and the world's largest Christian tween media organization. More importantly, Robert is a single dad, and he's authored a book called going solo. And he started solo parents society whose purpose is to unify equip and empower single parents after eight. Years as a single dad Robert is now remarried and lives in Franklin Tennessee with wife, Barbara three daughters and three stepsons as always I'm going to share my points to ponder. So you can start using them right away. And parents remember don't just download these episodes, click subscribe. Because when you do that Hugh are joining my parenting revolution. And every new episode will automatically show up in your subscribe list. I promise you won't regret it. And we'd love for you to write us a review on I tunes, and let us know what you think we're not only available on I tunes, but the parenting great kids podcast is also available in the Google play store and on Stitcher. So no matter where you get your podcast subscribe to day, and you won't miss a single episode brand. Do you get sick and tired of hearing your kids argue of not listening to you of giving you back talk for you. Feel sometimes that your house is just out of control. But I get it. My husband, and I raised four kids. And now we have five grandkids. But I have helped my new course discipline with purging kindness is on my website. It will help you bring more order and fun back into your relationship with your kids. Go to my website, Meg meeker, m v dot com and check it out. So parents, thanks for listening. This is episode number sixty eight stay with us. Parents. I want you now to listen in on my conversation with Robert decent. I know you're going to enjoy it. Well, Robert, thank you so much for joining me on parenting. Great kids, it's an honor to be here. Thanks so much. So you've been a single dad for eight and a half years. How did you transition from having another parent helping you parent to being a solo dad? It was difficult. I think anyone that has gone. Through divorce knows that despite a lot of times when you go into divorce. You are actually there is some freedom from some of the the difficulty you were dealing with from marital standpoint. But when you're faced with having to parent alone. I don't I wasn't prepared for it. I it was a very difficult transition for me to make a dad of three girls. And so I had to very quickly figure out not only how to how to parent on my own. But also the unique characteristics of parenting girls since I'm obviously, not a girl. I think the biggest challenge for me face was I felt like there wasn't a were to turn to. And there wasn't anyone to get advice from I felt very alone in this in this new role that I had because I suddenly had to become to parents, and I felt like less than one because I was dealing with all the tragedy of divorce. But also just the overwhelming idea of of kind of having to figure out how to be both parents. And what I would say was what where? It landed on that was this idea that all I can do is my very best, and I had to identify the things that were absolutely kind of non-negotiables and focus on those things. And know that not everything was going to be able to be taken care of to the extent that it had been when there were two people involved. I just did my best. And although it sounds kind of trite I had to just surrender and allow kind of God to make up the rest of that. Because there's only so much you can do. And if you put the pressure of having to be both parents on yourself. It's a never ending cycle that can actually go to some destructive places. Right. Well, you know, one of the things I say to single moms quite a bit as you really can't be to people, but you can be a really great one person. And I think from a child's perspective because that's kind of what I know is the kids, you know, getting the big stuff, right? It's really all they want. And there's a lot of grace that kids. I think extended their parents. So you went from parenting with your wife and then being a solo dad with full custody. Is that correct? That's correct yet. So you didn't even get any time off, you know, a lot of divorce dads get a little bit of a break. Now, many parents listening or single dads. What are some of the biggest challenges that you faced? And that you continue to face in parenting, your girls, who I think what I have the advantage that we do a solo parents society group here Nashville and a support group. So I've had the advantage of talk into a lot of single parents. And I think the universal thing that we all deal with and certainly I did personally was just feeling completely alone and kind of forgotten especially as related to the church. I don't know that the church is equipped or knows exactly what to do with divorced people because they don't want to condone divorce. But yet, you know, one out of every three homes in America is a single parent at home. And so we. Feel I felt forgotten. I felt lonely and as a single dad, you know, most of the single parents around our women, and so it was kind of a double measure of feeling in it alone in so. I think that what I've what I've seen especially with the people in our groups is this idea of just where are my people where do I fit in? We used to be part as couples of community groups or bible studies or even Frank groups neighbors, and that kind of thing and when the when a family splits apart, those those friends they kind of scatter, and I don't think it's because they don't care anymore. I just don't think they know how to how to deal with it. And I also I don't think they know which side to take so to speak, and so you're left in this kind of no man's land. Wondering where my people are where where do I belong, and it's a very very lonely place. I can imagine because I'm not divorced. But I have a number of friends who are divorced and from a friend standpoint, it's really difficult to remain friends with both because they take it personally is what I found if I maintain a friendship with mom. She gets angry if I maintain a friendship with dad and vice versa in general, you kind of alluded to it. But but how do you feel you were treated by people? I imagined people not just in your church, but in general sort of Sawyer differently. How did they see you in? How was that? For you. Yeah. I feel like like I said, you know, they didn't know exactly how what to say. Or how to treat me? And so they chose not to interact with me as much there were a few core friends that would have they will and would have done anything through thick and thin, but I would say for a large majority of the people, including just people on the periphery school. You know, other moms and dads at take their kids to school. We're in the same kind of, you know, cultural groups so to speak. They just kind of avoid you. They want to avoid the topic of bringing up, and, you know, spare themselves the drama, I guess, and so you kind of feel like you're in a penalty box, and that's really unfortunate because it doesn't require a lot to reach out to a single parent and offer help it's it's more about making sure the single parents feel like they're seeing and that you know, we don't as nonsensical. Parents as you know. A intact family. There's a lot that we can do to try to help these single parents around us not feel so alienated. What would have helped you what can people who are not divorced due to help out single parents? I'm glad you asked. Because I think that's a key component. There's a there's such a huge amount of our population that are single parents and most of them sixty seven percent of single parents don't attend church and the number one and two reasons aren't they feel judged and like they don't belong. What I have encountered is. It's the simplest of things that mean, a great deal for a single parent, a single mom or dad is juggling all kinds of duties and responsibilities. And it's the little things that mean a lot. If someone came to me, in fact, let me give you an example. There was a youth group that I didn't ask for any help. But I got approached by the youth pastor at our church, and he said, listen on this particular Saturday, I want you to go out, and do whatever you we go see a movie, go hang out with friends or whatever some of the girls in our bible study or in our youth group are going to take the girls get their nails done and the rest of our youth group is going to see they're going to clean your house from top to bottom. It was it was on ask for it. But I can't tell you. I almost broke into tears. The fact I get kind of choked up thinking about that. Because that wasn't a massive thing for them to do. It is we, you know cleaning house, but it's not they didn't fix my problem. And I think a lot of times people on the outside when they look at single parents is they feel like they need to have a solution. Or they need to fix the problem when it's just the small things like, hey, I'm running to the grocery store. Is there anything that you need because if you're a single mom or single dad, and you've got young kids? It's not easy to just oh, I forgot milk. I gotta run to the store to think about. To think about the kids wrestlemania car seats. Yeah. Exactly. And so just the things like that. Or can I pick up your kid from school? Do you need to car pool? Is there anything can I mow your lawn? Is there any I mean, there are these little practical things that we take for granted especially nuclear families where we're all together. But to a single parent there they have their own gravity. I mean that is a huge part of our lives is just tackling. These little what seemed to be mundane issues. So for those people listening that are thinking how can I help single parent? Don't think that you have to have this huge strategy. Just look for the common needs and try to meet those simple mates. You know, really going through a divorce is very much like a death. I mean, so often if we have a friend who's experienced a loved one dying we tend to respond in the same way. You don't know what to say? So you you kinda back out, but with a friend who's lost a loved one. At least women, you know, cook. For them. And we drop things off. And we say what can we do? But you're absolutely right because divorce people don't know what to say. And then they don't really know what you need. So I think they just tend to back off, but even asking to car pool. Driving your kids here taking them to soccer practice, even sort of folding your kids into a little bit of their life. You know, like, I'm going to take my kids to movie would you like me to take your kids to? So I I really appreciate your advice. Can I give you a caveat to that? If you don't mind, there's there's something that I think is really important single parents don't like asking for help because we're already kind of embarrassed by what what's happened and our need were embarrassed of our need. So if you're not a single parent, and you do decide to pick up the kids or or run to the grocery store for somebody. How you approach it is really important. And and what I mean by that is. Try to approach a single parent from the perspective of I just I want to help you not because you look so needy. But because you inspire me the low that you're carrying I don't know that I could do it. And so would you honor me by allowing me to just help because I love I just think your story is so inspiring that you're doing this on your own, please. Let me get involved. There's a huge difference between reaching out to someone saying I feel so sorry for you. Let me go run to the store for you and saying, wow, you are doing a great job. Let me come alongside and be a part of that story. So I just wanted to add that in because I think that's one thing that that the single parents need to know is that not only their need is seen. But that they're Geraldo ick efforts every day are also saying, well, I think some of that awkwardness on the part of friends who are trying to help you is. You know, they don't understand why you got divorced or anything like that. And I think there's so many different reasons. People get divorced in some many people just sort of pushed into it. They don't they don't have a choice. And so I think that's sort of plays in their to their lack of understanding that was that was behind it. But I think that's a great point to really look at them into. Wow. I could never do that one of the things I hear frequently from divorced. Parents either from a mom or dad that the ex spouse parents very differently than the way, they do. Sometimes there's a lot of animosity between the divorced parents. And so one parent will go to the extreme of parenting, very different from the other just either try to win the kids favor or just to say, hey, you're not doing it. Right. How do you? Encourage single parents to really navigate that and say. Okay. Let's try to get on the same page six. I think that's a huge frustration for single parents. Yes. It is. And I've seen it a lot in our in our civil society groups, people talk about this this struggle, and what I would say to that. Is it first starts with trying to get on the same page if you can appeal to the other parent and say, listen, we have our disagreements, but can we agree on this that we both want what's best for Johnny? And in doing that. Can we just set some common? These are the three things that are really really important that were consistent on both homes. Can we agree to model? This may maybe it's manners. Maybe it's chores. Maybe it's you know, whatever it is. But just the three kind of non-negotiables, and if you can get on the same page that has leaps and bounds further than if you hadn't communicated now, there are a lot of people the deal with this where whether like you said, there is animal city, and there isn't the ability for it takes two. People for that to happen. Right. And so even if one person is willing, the if the other is just you know, we're not gonna do that. Then I would say the next step is if we can't get on the same page, then to kind of look at this. Because one of the things that are kids because our kids are are smart. And as they get older, they they know how to work the system they'll throw out things like, well, why mom's house, I get to do, blah, blah, blah, when I'm at dad's house, I get to do, blah, blah, blah. And I think the tendency is for us living in our wounds sometime to reach out and say, yeah. Well, if your dad knew what he was doing he wouldn't blah, blah, blah, blah, blah tackling and I would encourage they're never to be any kind of that speak. You've got to remember that this is part of your child's family forever. And so what you say or what you allude to or imply about that other parrot, you are in a sense saying about them, it's really important to not make the other person look disparaged. But I think there is a way to say, you know, what I understand when you're at dad's house, and he has the. Right to make those rules. But in this house, this is what we do and leave it at that. You don't have to get into philosophical discussion about who's parenting better or who's doing what you don't wanna pull the kids into that. And it's unfortunate because it does exist where you know, there are differences in culture between the different homes, especially when you start blending and other people potentially as as people move on and get married again. It is a very challenging thing. And I think that's the most important things to make sure that you identify with your kids that may happen over there. But here in this home, this is what we do. And your dad may not agree with it or mommy, not agree with it. And that's okay. They have the right? But this is what we're going to do because I believe this is what's best for us and just leave it at that. And just be very defined about what happens in your home and not trying to fix the other home. So what do you do if you say this is what we're going to do in our home? You do have a curfew. You don't have a curfew. Moms. You know, were I have more rules than it. Moms and your thirteen year old says well, forget it then I'm going to go live with mom because she doesn't have any rules. What do you do? Then. To to me. The most important thing is to not be baited into getting into this us and them kind of thing. I would if it were my daughter, she came to me and said that I would acknowledge her feelings and say, I understand why you feel that way. But that's not going to change the fact that this is what we're going to do here our kids, unfortunately, they use this as a tactic to get with. Absolutely. And they manipulate or neck out of their parents. Absolutely. And so to the best of your ability disarm that by just saying, that's I understand. Unfortunately, you know, I'm not going to change my mind about the specific thing. And I understand you went to go live with your mom or live with your dad because you're frustrated with this. But that's not really your decision right now. And so we're just going to have to leave it at that. And I I recognize you that may really bother you. And I understand why would bother you when I was your age. It might have bothered me to nevertheless, this is the way it's going to be at our home that it's wonderful to hear because I think what I see is a kids. Will bounce around. And they'll give one parent a hard time and say, well, I'm going to go live with the other parent, and unfortunately parents cave, and they say, we'll okay because they get very frustrated with the with the child to teenagers, and it just confuses the daylights out of kids and it hurts the child's relationship with each parent. That's right. You know, if they push back against one parent and the other parent allows them to do it says, you know, what? Yeah. Your mom really is a jerk, and your mom really doesn't have any Bill so and so forth there really driving the child away from both parents. So it always comes to fight you in that. Exactly. Right. Parents. I hope you're enjoying my conversation with Robert Beason, we need to take a quick break. But do not go anywhere. We'll be right back with more of my conversation with Robert Thiessen friends support for today show comes from. From third love using millions of real limits. Measurements third love designs. 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Let's talk about kids and handling their feelings about the divorce. You know, kids go through stages of grief. Dislike you do. How have you navigated your daughter's feelings in what they've been through in in the divorce? I it's it's a great question. And like you said it is their grief. It is their load in in some ways, it looks similar to what we're experiencing, but in a lot of ways it looks completely different for me. I decided to make it a priority to above all listen to my kids. Sometimes that's the most important thing that we can give to them is just a safe place to process through what they're going through as parents house speak for myself here. It is such my inclination to jump in and wanna fix a situation. I don't want my kids to feel grief to feel pain to feel suffering. And so my natural inclination to try to fix it. And I would just say we have to really be careful with that. Because this is their story that God is writing, and it is really important that they process through this at their own pace. And not be I want to be really careful here because I'm not saying don't be sensitive to what what's going on. If there is a real issue, especially if there's a safety issue that they're dealing with with the other parent, then you need to do something about that. But if it's processing through the grief, listen and just be there and empathize and try to get in their heads spaces to to what is God doing in their lives. What are they learning? What do they have the ability to learn now, and I'm not saying use that language, but just be there be fully present don't dismiss the grief. Don't cater to that. In the extent elect just feel better. Let's go out and buy whatever you want to buy. I mean, don't try to placate or fix the situation. Be with them walk with them through the grief. And to me the way that what that looks like is is listening first. And then to for my girls, I would often just say, you know, when I deal with things like this. I do x y. Z and try to model. I don't wanna tell or shame my kids for feeling anything that they're feeling, but I do want to them to learn how I've processed through some of these things because we're not only teaching them. We're modeling that such sage advice. I think often what I see is that parents feel they're, you know, if a parent finds relief in the divorce were they feel happy that a child's done of see divorce very differently, and you know, a child's going to process their feelings feel different feelings because while of spouse can divorce their spouse child, really can't divorce a parent. And so try you have to help them maintain a relationship with that other parent, even though you don't wanna relationship with them. That's right. I would imagine that's sort of hard territory to navigate it is. And I think that you need to have grace for yourself because there are a lot of time. That you're not going to do it. Right. There are a lot of times that I didn't do it. Right. And you can go to the other extreme it'd be coda pendant with your kids and try to make them feel no pain. And you know, that was one of the things that I created unhealthy dynamic at times before I corrected it. But it was I didn't want my daughters to feel the extent of what was happening. And and so my world started revolving around their happiness, and it's that's not the way God intended this to be. We are meant to be at the center of our family, obviously, God central to that. But our kids orbit around that when we start orbiting around our kids happiness that creates a very bad dysfunction that is hard to do it. It doesn't equip them for life. It doesn't. And I think it puts way too much pressure on them because they pick up on that this and it's rose things out of bounce. They feel they have too much power because they see that their feelings and what they're doing is affecting you profoundly. And I just think kids don't do. Well, with with having that kind of emotional power, you're married now, and you have a blended family, give us some tips on how you navigate blended family, and what the biggest challenges for you have been. I think the primary thing that I would say is that make sure that before you even think of blending a family that you have found some wholeness yourself, even more. So than the first time, you you got married. It's going to be more difficult the second or third whatever it is. You have to be able to understand how to find completeness and wholeness in yourself between you and God in if you're looking for another relationship to just choose that wound of loneliness that you're setting yourself up for a very difficult time. Once you've decided that, you know, this is going to be a good thing. Not only for me and for our family, then I think you need to be really for I'll just speak personally, you know, when I got married. Again, we dated for three and a half years and my girls weren't super excited about the idea of me getting married again. And because they'd become pretty accustomed to the way we were living our lives as a single dad and three daughters because we created our own traditions and our own was eight and a half years of walking that live. So I had to make a decision that was not real popular with them. They have now come to like appreciate it. But I think the thing that you have to recognize more than anything is that you are not merging just two lives. You're merging two cultures. When you are blending a family. It is especially someone that has kids already. They have a set way of doing things, and I had a set way of doing things. And when you bring those two things together do not be surprised that those cultures sometimes clash, and that does not necessarily mean that you've made a mistake. It just means that you need to be patient with this and allow time for these two cultures to merge into one. That is in. Even better than the one that we are coming from. And so I think patience is a big deal. I think recognizing that you are going to it is going to be a struggle. And that doesn't mean that you married the wrong person, or whatever it's just you're attempting to do something that is incredibly difficult to do. So be patient with it give it time and a lot of grace. And when it comes to your kids if they are having a hard time with it. I would say make sure again that you listen to them, and you stay firm with what what you're doing. And the decisions that you're making in understand that you're making a decision not just for your happiness. But for what you believe is best for the family. And but but make sure that they have a space to be able to talk to you as their biological parent. Carve out that exclusive space that they know the villa can come to you. And that because you're blending a family does not mean that they are less important. Or now that they're going to be relegated to you're just like the other step kids, or whatever there is an exclusive relationship between your you and your biological. Kids that you need to make sure that you protect at the same time. If you decide to get married, the the central relationship in that home for the stability of everybody has to be between you and your wife. And so it's I would just say the biggest thing for me that I learned is that, you know, this is going to be difficult, and you have to be up to the task and not this doesn't fix a lot of problems. It can bring a tremendous amount of joy. And you can definitely I'm so much better off than before. But it hasn't been without its own unique challenges in your book going solo you write a chapter called. I need a miracle. What miracle did you need? And did you get it? Yeah. Well, there was I probably should've said I need a few miracles because there were a number of things, but specifically related to I had I was in the music business and the height started a record company and about the same time of as going through a divorce. I left that company that I've been with for thirteen years. I'd started the company and. I was ready to start again. So I was a single dad raising three girls trying to launch a company at the same time. And so I didn't know if I was going to provide for my daughter's I felt like I had tapped out all the investors that I was looking to. I had a lot of really good relationships here in Nashville, and I thought, you know, for sure I could Bank on some people getting because I had a pretty good track record in the industry. I thought this is gonna be a problem, but over nine months, it was like all these things evaporated all these opportunities for people coming alongside went away. And so I got to the place where I was absolutely. I had no idea how we were going to get through this financially divorce is expensive. And starting a business is risky. And so it was just this very volatile season of I believe God used it to get me to the end of myself. So I could understand that beauty of dependency. And God did provide. I did find a miracle. But I tell you this. There's a term in that they use in in that astronauts use in aviation. I think they used to call bingo fuel. Bingo, fuel means if if you pass the point of bingo, fuel, there's no hope for you. Bingo, fuel means you have just enough fuel to get back to where you started. When if you're an astronaut they use the term like what is your bingo fuel? Meaning how do you have enough fuel to get back to earth? Once you cross that you can't get back to earth. I reached my bingo fuel and within a week of reaching that bingo fuel financially God provide it, and it was through the most amazing story. I write about it in the book, but I never would have suspected. And I feel like just to talk about the, you know, the story of Abraham when he got to his place of taking the most important thing that he had in his life, his son that he had been promised on putting it on alter getting ready to sacrifice this child that was bingo fuel and just. At the right moment God provided away through it. That's what God did for me. He provided that ram for Abraham to me provided beyond my own understanding a way through and that's where the first time that God is referred to as Jehovah gyro. My provider used to think of it as just providing a means to an end or just groceries and money or whatever. But that's not what I encounter. What I encountered was God my provider is providing a way through and yes, oh, God did provide for me. But he allowed me to get to the place of understanding that I couldn't do this on my own and understanding the beauty of dependency on him. Well, I love that. Because I know that now there are some single Gad's and mom's listening who go I just can't keep going one more day. So what would you say to that parent listening who just said, I'm just hanging on bias thread here. I would say just keep hanging on. And don't try to look too far down the road. Look at the step right in front of you the day right in front of you. And get through this day and submit and and trust that God sees you. He is not surprised by anything that you're going through. He is capable of taking you through this not only taking you through this, but rebuilding and restoring even a better story and a more significant understanding of his intimate love for you. It's not without hardship. I get that. And I get how absolutely discouraging it can be. But I also have seen the way that are very very real God meets us in those times where we run out of ourself. And when we get to that place, the most important thing that I did was to say God, I surrender. I need you like I've never needed you before. I don't know how this is gonna work out. But I am deciding to trust you with this day. And I just want to encourage anyone listening that that if you can say those words to God if you can rest in that place knowing that he goes before us. He fights for us. We need to be still and just understand that he's got this under control. And I'm not saying that the feelings of feeling overwhelmed, and like your end of your rope are not real those are real. And I'm not saying talk yourself into positive thinking. I'm just saying that millions of people have gone through this before you millions of people will come after you. There is life on the other side, there is hope on the other side. But you can't look down the row too far. And you certainly shouldn't look back look at what today looks like for you and be the best and most present parent that you can be today and trust God with tomorrow. I love that. My guest has been Robert Beason author of going solo, Robert how can people get hold of you find out about what your work and find your book solo? Parents society dot com is the ministry that I started at talks about we start. We have support groups for single. Parents and churches around the country. We have a podcast, and we have the book and free resources, and we're starting a relief effort to help single parents physical and real practical needs as well. So solo parents -ociety dot com when he could find find all this. Is this for single moms and single dads or single dads for both single moms and single dads. Robert, thank you so much for joining me. It's been an honor. Thank you so much for this conversation. I appreciate the work that you're doing, and it just had someone talking to you. Thank you. Now, my point depan her one reach out, whether you're a single dad or a friend of a single dad reach out to one another remember, all fathers, and particularly single fathers need support and many times we who are not single dads, but our friends of single dads. Don't know what they need and many single dads are hesitant to ask for help. But dads don't be if your son or daughter has a friend at school. And maybe they could carpool with them ask that child's parent of here. She could take your child to school. If you need someone to talk due to just discuss your loneliness, the hardships of being a single, dad frustrations. Work on having a friendship with another man and ask if you could have coffee once a month or a beer once a month. Most men are willing to listen and many times that's all you need to do if you're not a single dad, but you know, one please befriend him yet to know him. And once you do offer help, even if you don't know where to start you can offer to take his kids to the park to a movie on a Saturday afternoon involve his kids in your activities. So that you give him a break, particularly if you have kids around his kids age roll him into the things that you're going to do even if just for a couple of hours don't just simply say if you need anything call me because I can guarantee he won't call. So give him a specific offer to do something that you know, will give him a break, two dads. Don't forget to help your kids single kids like single moms off. And get so caught up in their own grief, hurt and anger. They forget that. They're kids are having a hard time to you know, so often parents say to me, particularly divorced parents will say, oh, my kids are doing great or my kids are so resilient. They'll be okay. Don't be fooled. All kids hurt after a divorce or death of a parent. They hurt and ways that parents don't so really be sensitive to them. Even if your child looks like here, she's doing well on the outside. It doesn't mean they're doing well on the inside kids try to hide their feelings early on from their parents because they don't wanna add stress to them. So watch your child closely for anger outbursts change in sleep habits. Eating habits change in mood or change in friends. Maybe your child was very outgoing in his now more withdrawn, maybe they were withdrawn. And now they're outgoing with friends that you don't think would. Really be their friends. Normally, you know, some kids are resilient, but a whole lot of them. Aren't I'd say most of them aren't when it comes to deep pain. They all feel hurt deeply so make sure that you are sensitive to their feelings three dads be very careful dating. The best thing to do after a divorce is to wait. At least a few years before you date kids need time to adjust and bringing in another person brings up a whole host of other issues for them. You may be able to handle moving on, but many kids aren't emotionally ready to deal with a girlfriend. So if you do date do not introduce your kids to your girlfriend and less, you know, that you're probably going to marry her kids who attached a one girlfriend have difficulty losing her. And if you break up, they lose her, and that's another big adjustment for. Them asking your child to reattach to another girlfriend isn't fair and most kids hated so put the brakes on dating be very careful when you start to date again and remember, please don't bring the girlfriend around unless you think you're ready to marry her. Parents today, I'm not going to be answering reader questions, but don't worry very soon. I'm going to devote an entire episode to answering just your questions. In the meantime, please connect with me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram at Meg meeker MD. And if you have a question Senate to ask Meg at Meg meeker, MD dot com. I want to thank my guest, Robert Beason. Please check out his website at solo parents society dot com, that's solo parents society dot com and remember pick up a copy of going. Solo if you're a single dad or a friend of a single dead. So now, let's recap my points to ponder one reach out to other dads for support to don't forget to help your kids and three being very careful dad's when it comes to dating. So until next time parents remember rate kids raised not form. Hey, this is Bobby producer of Meg meakers parenting. Great kids podcast. We hope you've enjoyed listening to episode sixty eight single fathers, and thanks to you. Dr makes parenting revolution has grown to over two million downloads. You can like Dr Meaker on Facebook and follow her on Twitter and Instagram at Meg meeker MD has a reminder go to make meeker MD dot com and sign up for her newsletter for giveaway opportunities and updates and don't forget to share the podcast rightous review and click subscribed. So you won't visit episode.
Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker