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Richard Goodness Discussed on WAFS Biz 1190
WAFS Biz 1190
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294 - Owl Hollow's Eve
FIRST OFF: GO VOTE 00:00:00 - Asher Elbein (@asher_elbein) is here to chat with Ryan about his journey to becoming a science journalist. Topics include: being a Bitter Southerner, snake handling, a new Odyssey translation, how great the show Justified was, and more! 00:27:26 - Speaking of milking snakes, let’s have a drink. Asher works through some water purchased when the Texas taps couldn’t be trusted. Ryan explains and enjoys a crowler of the Main Drag Double from Molly Pitcher Brewing Company in PA. 00:35:28 - In part two we shift to more bird-focused topics… sort of. We were going to talk about some fossil bird lungs, but it’s fall and the siren song of the now Midwestern mothman (also known as: an owl) calls out to Ryan, so they mostly talk about that and all the weird folkloric goodness therein. If you’re into spooky Appalachian tales and have already read The Mothman Prophecies, consider supporting Asher’s Kickstarter Anna O’Brien: Ghost days Anthology. 01:17:27 - PaleoPOWs are a lot like owls: scary when encountered in an unexpected place. We give our long overdue thanks to Denise C. for being a recurring donor in the old Paypal days. Thanks, Denise! More cool rewards await you if you decide to support us on our Patreon! Music: You’ll Never Leave Harlan Alive - The Ruby Friedman Orchestra Good Golly Miss Molly - Little Richard To the Ghosts Who Write History Books - The Low Anthem
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RHLSTP 188 - Jess Robinson
Allo aids Richard a their book. I guess this week is Jess Robinson. Hey, why don't you buy Richard herrings emergency questions one thousand one minute see questions available? Go faster stripe dot com slash q or your local bookshop or why not try in Amazon and see if he has he probably does. And also, thanks to our sponsors, pay fifty two dot com. Even get all these different beings beers. Like this one which is called hop to pod. I. I'm scared by these ones were dragons on them and stuff. There's a dragon paleo there's a dark ecstatic involve damore would drink. Anyway, if you want get eight free graft me is going to be a fifty two dot com slash rela STA and you'll get ABS for just two thousand hundred five postage and packaging is our you on. Then you can stay signed up and get eight coffee as a month for twenty four pounds or piss off and just drink your beers. And laugh in the face of Ian, beer, fifty two. Thanks for Jin this. I you enjoying it. Come and see be live at some point get chain dot com slash gigs to find that when we do more of these. And I always see you at gig, my fine friends. Here's my podcast you like it. Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the left the square theatre. Please welcome. It's the whole time Trevor himself fades, Richard Harry. Jar your bus last week's audience. There was applause KOA the same t shirt as me unless it's embarrassing. Glad he's got. I mean, I'm glad he didn't come back. That's why welcome to rechange. Let's square theatre podcasts though. I was hanging around with some old school doctor who fans today who strongly feel to the same. We should retain. Ridgeline realism has to have of the magic alien time. Traveller must must have a penis. They strongly feel that even though we never saw so far the might come an adventure needs a dollar like needs to be something. I'm what they're going to do if it's a women. That's what. Anyway, they call it. Hopefully, this a pretty cool pretty coup characters. I'd a very nice talking about the Manchester poke cost festival I wanted to say that and thank you to their four hundred people who came to Manchester, not you might politician, avocado. He incomes. They would just they didn't even ask the guest. They still will go and see that because we love Richard. I'm gonna to the country now and you'll then you'll miss me London. He pricks I live in harsh. Now, not you. Now, you guys you came mascot. So are your your euro? Did people? Enjoy the doctor who talked to hit the new doctor who wanted we knew by the time. It goes out who thought it was bad and women should not be allowed on television. What's just me? Then. I worry rich square. The puck will never be presented by a woman is even have women on my way. So what am I thinking? I've gone. I've literally gone insight. I'm sure somebody to say at the top of the show is completely gone on my head. So we'll. Love scam for Gilles. So. Oh, it did have something to say the I've got someone who cares. Come to see this show from Austin, Texas. In america. I think they might be over there. Just some other people from Austin, Texas, and forgive me, if I get this wrong ratio Maharaj. There is come across Texas to see the show. Longtime been making donations to the scope programs that we do I wouldn't mention anyone otherwise if they hadn't come a long way and be given some nice money to. Yeah. You're names always in the programs for for my my toe shy. So thank you very much enjoying the they've been worth. Did. He come just for this. Yeah. Yeah. Good. And has it been worth it? So. Yes. Did you cover this? Yes. Stephanie has it been worth it? Yes. Okay. How things go to America? Pretty well. As I understand it. Yes. I pretty good. It's good. It's pretty it's pretty good over there and love dodo, Donald Trump. Today's. That will work wherever day this goes I wanted man what Donald Trump said today. Fuck hell, I didn't. They get an could be worse now apparently. Well, I'm thinking about isn't as bad as what you're thinking about home. That is nice the terrible truth. Anyway, thank you. Well, you're most welcome. And if you listening home do travel over to wherever the I do this show in the future when be fucking London. That's all I'm saying. So and thanks to lovely people in Manchester for they were so nice and friendly. The rope me of anything. So it was it was nice. So. At least there's no crime in London, right guys. Having a great time. One's going to get. Seem to trouble. So will you please welcome both me, and the guests I in a slightly skittish mood. My next guest is probably best known for the portrayal of smarty Soroush. Enormity Toyland detective, which I've been watching this week without not that's how good she is. Now on my own. I have three and a half year old daughter. We these congest Robertson. Welcome to the show sit down and pulled up on my phone. Nice finest one. This incredible as credible. Noughties back. Listen to seize been through time. Taking the gully walks made it back into this series on. We don't want this. Because he's a detective now, I guess if the golden works were in just it would be easy to solve the case. So. Toyland. Detective he is he's a crime, which makes it sound. Like every week. There's going to be a murder in Toyland. It's worse. Yes. Smarty sources crayons go missing. Right because pop the Panthers stolen them. What else happens someone lots of things get stolen actually this? Love thieves. Yes. But it's it's usually they mean well. Just say this multi solicits, but it's not just the smarty Soroush. Do you know who else? I am. I don't know. I'm pharma Thome. Pharma, Thome shake. Firm, and he goes on crispy cabbages. I've been watching general all this week. My daughter loves it. Oh, good. We go. It's good to see in a blatant back in. Packing. Stream was just off the racism, and she's flailing. All right. Okay. Do I will talk about this? Because you do you've actually worked with about fifty generations of children's performers pinky and perky from the nineteen fifties. Your time traveling chuckle vision wherever the chuckle brothers may offer them rest in peace. The ones. All right. What's his face from giggle biz? Oh, Justin, Justin will dangle. What's his name? Justin Fletcher Ingle tangled. Clown going yet? Just like literally dozens of years of children's stars. I guess. Yeah. So he was favourite of pinky and perky the chuckle brothers and just in Fletcher. And gnawed if you like, oh, it's not either naughty. Oh, it's just such a nice job. You just go and do stupid voices. And then they tell you to go home. And it's it's really. Chuckle vision was Wade. We did mention it back benching. Shouldn't. But that was a really wit. I've had a recurring dream about. Actually, it was quite traumatic. I had to be the chuckle brothers agent. And there was a scene. They would both be I thought I'd gone to a spa and they were both being Swedish beauty parlor people coming beauty, therapists, and they had to Smith a mixture of cat food catch up and chocolate powder onto my face. And it's it was weird to be lying down and seeing them above me like that. And that's what I've had the dreams about that will never went out. So that's the way. Film so many, and we just confirmed. Selves what you want to. Well is incredible. You're generally best known as a musical impressionists. Yeah. Frantisek singer musician actor voice over artist. I wouldn't one of the first ones. I saw you playing in vaginal tack. Today. I'm a Smith lyric Hammersmith lost time. Leeann herring performed on state. We the drummer for John. I we formed by me and the Kennedy and LIZA RIA, and yeah, I was on the drums. I was about grade five Emma was a beginner on the base. Why we thought it was a good idea? Lisa play guitar, and we did children's theme tunes in German accents. Mel goodra Cayman was dancing, but nobody knew was her because she was wearing a red light cribs. And that's the first time. I bet you. You're wearing an amazing outfit. That is sad onto my memory. And thank you for doing that. It was incredible. Even for that. Yeah. Quite gigli when he play in the. Believe me, I noticed I noticed. So you. Still played any bands. Or is that you got your own band Chessington world of adventures. They are they are brilliant. So I've got my own games that they just they just do what I say. So it's pretty. And I go onto with them and going on another touring the filter tours imaginatively called filter because you have no filter. I've noticed that backstage. It's been great. Yeah. It's gonna be fun going to try not say shit. Fuck can't say those things. Okay. So as say that that's what you can't say. Should I put onto? No, okay. What? I told you so. Now, let's go home. We're getting there. Britain's got talent. Because that's a nice uncontroversial subject. We can. Britain's got talent. Yeah. Very well. Be finals the finals the finals while a bit of control, which is because people don't really know. How Britain's got talent works. But why don't they still don't know? So they asked me to go on lots and lots of times. I always said, no. And then the last time they said. It will be fine. We'll be really collaborative. You can do what you want. Just a great showcase few. We really want you to do. Well. And so I went Oakland, then because otherwise I would just wonder what would have happened if I hadn't. So I went on ice. You talk for ages. And then they entered it down like a weapon to end up being five minutes, usable stuff. And I said, you know, I've been jogging rages, and they don't keep any of that in. So like, I was a fraud pretending that I'd never done anything before you sort of saving the clip of this clip. And you say I'm trying to do this professionally job in the week. So that was presumably true. And and so yeah. So there was sort of came out you'd been doing Atelli done by that stage. You've done lots of all sorts of stuff. But then that is the case with loss voice guy who did very well. It's been working for years. Yeah. Absolutely reading that. They are courting lots of comedians. The dances have had real professional careers. Otherwise, it would be shit. Scraping the barrel time anyway, isn't it? Well, you never nervous. But you generally, isn't it because that's why people going, oh, gee was so nervous, but you presume you haven't played like massive. Thousand thousand people in the London palladium was really scary. But the thing that they are really brilliant. Is there from nine in the morning, and I didn't go on till twelve hours later. I was I think one of the last people to go on. But all day, there's a Cymru in your face. And they are probably every half an hour wanting you can can can we just fill me pacing up and down looking nervous. Okay. How nervous are you want to scare wants to do you feel nervous? Could you say to the camera? This is the biggest thing that you've ever done. And then you just like yourself up and then by the time and the buses going off before I went on some of the poor people and the audience off off like the hunger games. It was really terrifying. And I was I was already quite nervous. But then I was thinking. Okay. This is wall my actually doing because I could actually just ruin my own career now. And anyway, yeah. So I was shitting myself. And I feel embarrassed about it though. Yeah. But then you would. Zing performance of. Impressions you've go, which are very impressive. Through other the seconds. That was better than the first. I did you who. That's controversial do. Yeah. They wouldn't meddling with a all. Yeah. Till the night before actually they changed the act again, very stressful. But. Now have a day job. So that's nice. That's good. So it was worth it. So it did make a big difference. Tizzy tore off the back of it. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely huge difference. Did my first to last year, which was about Tim of fire? But amazing. And yeah, I've been working really regularly, actually. So I'm really I'm really comedians have gone on people like no James on the series after you recently anyway. Right. Who's a comedian? The I when I started circuit he was on. He was both means loved him. He was very weird doing slightly surreal stuff, and it was very unusual in the circuit in one thousand nine hundred ninety one and he's did very well. Don't don't have already got. He's been to end up at thirty. So it is it's interesting to say people go make that choice to go on them. And it seems to work, but most people you probably professional good already. It's just a. I can always look back. You know, if I'm having a tough time, a giggle if I'm feeling a bit worried about something, I can always look back and go it will not be as stressful. As Britain's got talent and everything since that is the marker everything has been so much easier than that because it really put three paces. But it does give you a boost if you will ready to use it in the right way for a little bit on this book. You're very nervous backstage. Right. So I didn't know you done this until over research for you, it you did the rise and fall of little voice a couple of which I've seen the play didn't see your of it. But it's a sitting credibly difficult time loved it. I absolutely loved it. The first time I did. It was the first time I'd ever done impressions. 'cause I was I basically I never meant to be an impressionist or anything. I lied my way into it. Just because they didn't want to go back to my day job on Oxford Street, which was working in a stock for a minute was really miserable dark and dingy. So I just lied and said, I can do impressions can I I was doing a pun to- at the time in Hertford. And they said yes in ten days come along. And then I yeah. I could I could go ready saying, but I learned out to do the Judy Garland, ROY. But that's the thing with it. Because you have to be an amazing thing to be able to sing like these Shirley Bassey. And I mean, these people have got like a low range you do can you do. Yeah. Julie Andrews, which is terrific do Julie Andrews. With the sound of museum. You're very good. Good for somebody who wasn't didn't see them as impressions to go for the voices. I saw. A student at the famous one from all. Fabulous student, Jane Horrex. And again, you didn't think of. Vera's impressions. But that's amazing. An incredibly difficult part. Yeah. And so then let onto naughty. So. Service. To going through. You just you just we're going through a divorce you're going through quite of trouble. Real fun time. Can you hear that what we say Milliken? She went through like a very difficult time and used as a springboard I made great Edinburgh show out my divorce. Yeah. I think you have to have to use these. Now, we'll happy I've got no ideas left. Okay. I'm getting married. Go. Okay. Why are we mind where you're getting married again? You tell me once all he's brilliant, though. He's much better than practice husband. That's what you think before you marry him, and then you marry him and they turn you'll see next week. See the tension next week. My wife with a couple of friends. So that we don't have to talk. So is. We're not we're not ready to love. These fantastic. So. Getting married again. He's very nice. I've met you met you and him in Brighton. Accident. See much came. See you told that you, you know, he's he's the lucky one. Have you still got the outfit from vagina tap? If you have all Maria. You play Patty steel bid in risen to three which would have been my choice. Yeah. According according to a wicked page as a video game you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am right. Go. How's that? They really boring to recall those video a lot of choice. Lights, different choices. Starring big computer screen for hours and hours. But that's what it is to play video game as well sorta visitors anyone play risen two or three. Yeah. Did you like? People man just wouldn't have done that. In these things where people don't know. It's you recognize you because obviously, we do all these different voices. Sometimes someone does like cartoons, and you go. Okay. Is that person doing that? Yeah. And so you're doing all these different ones with anyone. School of rules as well. I haven't seen that Shane the chef. I saw that on your resume. What did you play on chain the chef play northern girl who's a farmer? Play mama polenta slightly racist. So I could be racist against the Italians. Yeah. Be racist. The Mexican just not anybody else. Yeah. And so the. I was watching. I was watching videos as well. If you're of the these curious collaborations. Yeah. So that's where I think that's where those those impressions take on a new life as well. Just being very accurate impressions mash up to them together. More than that is the one with the yes, I like to imagine what I like to sort of just imagine where it'd be like people like Billie holiday sang after the brand new combine-harvester or something like that. So we do that on the tour in the audience get to choose but say. Say seen fit in the on the on the curious collaborations, we've got a little drummer boy christmasy one with Billie holiday, Nikki Manashe, just collaborating. We've got. It must be love with everyone every play. Kate. Bush is great. I love I want to be her. When I grow up. Blas solid slow played Kate Bush's. Well in. We should go. You both together backstage. She. Yes. For the bad. Just a special thing for the. Bachelor especially both in both ends is. I'll ask you questions coming Barrasso, by female people. This really record. No, right. You address. So well tonight. Thank you. That's what it says in the book. This is an emergency question for date. So that's a little clever address so address so we'll tonight, that's the way using all my charms to help. Ladies and gentlemen. What was your worst fashion decision you ever made? Oh. It was a combination. When I was maybe fifteen of getting my hair, really short. I don't know why I think mom was a bit like your head. But it looked wrong me until. Barbara streisand. When I was sixteen seventeen year. She's not go for now. Says shame vanity white braces. Okay. And they and so I- smile boy a club and they glow in the dog like skeletal. And it was really that was pretty bad wore Strauss's, I most grouses the skirt trousers. Yes. In the daily Express. Did you look up in value? Else about you? I'll tell you. What else I found out about what you are? That's what he told the daily Express almost the same question. I asked you do I'm going to ask this is looking to ask you this question. This is a question you ask today express, which I'm now going to ask to Greg Davis next week. What's your beauty secret? Oh. No one ever us men that question off school my mail. There was never. See? Said I'm just very naturally be too common. Where you said cream some person crew. Make into bit. When you look at me. This is why read about you in the tabloids. Because of course, you in prints 'cause I wanna hear your side of this raunchy story slick fate a rub. Yeah. This son says your wants pob the Ron cheaper less Qurqus troop, which was called off. Lists Laurey didn't Scotland. So they could. What raunchy behavior did to get up to during that? I wasn't ruined. I wore a red dress secret. He's on. Oh. And I did impressions. I was the vocal gymnasts. She was really disappointing for most people because like I can't do the split. But I didn't. No, the raunchiest of that was my lovely friend who I made their chichi revolver is a stripping hula-hoop who sets her tits on fire. And I saw her, and I thought you're going to be my friend and say man, she is. Oh, that's good. Yeah. There's a there's a Hulu called hula girl is that different different person. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of rivalry between those two. But yeah, looker will. I haven't seen your person hula girls. Very good. Cheech yield scratcher. Ryan you get both of them on the puck cost. Michael, please come. Maybe. Oops, light up. She does stuff with hula hoops. We'll eat them. I'm really mainly. That's good fingers. I also learned in the tabloids that you drove your current lamposts. During the divorce. I was having a terrible time. I did drive I stopped but not quicken and a bit to the left, and it wasn't actually a lamp post. It was a traffic light which came right out of the road is bad. And then mom and dad turned up. And. Mums and they were going to put me in the back of the police fan. But the policeman was really nice and said, no don't worry a prostitute to spat in there. So I didn't have to go didn't have to go in the back, and my mom went up. My dad said, please please be with her. She's just terrible times to score divorced and then mum. Separately went up to the policemen. And when she she terrible time, she's just got divorced from a. So God knows what they thought was happening. It was fine. And I didn't I didn't get charged, and I lived happily ever after and paid a lot for my insurance. Because that might have been the third car that I'd written. Hi, Dr expressively. It's like creative. Don's right. Do you have a driver on your tours? Or do you drive on Detroit's got on the train? I shed the driving with my friend. Nikki she did most of it. That's good knock out that you'll traffic lights. Well, I think it call have been in very I was going very slowly cause a dangerous weapon can take the speed cameras. If you're gonna do take out the speed cameras. How became perky nice to work with pink? Kimberlite didn't actually it was a cartoon of pinky empa-. K? I know. And I was I was then niece or something. So I was just and it was all American. I was doing was very very niece that was shit. Sky only lasted one series. I'm sorry. I remember pinky and perky they had strings and stuff. I don't really remember that because yo- young. But it makes me think of the postcard that you always see abroad, which is bad boobs, and they'd be made into picks those post. I do remember that. Chuck who'd brothers dream. So muddled rescue my numeracy question. Yeah. Is the lamest modern day invention? You could take back to the middle ages. That would make you the ruler of the whole middle aged world dustbuster that will be good. They they would love them route idiots on the people. Absolutely one coups. Taking a right down, really. I hate them random. The Queen of Mazda minute. On the other week have you ever travelled on west Midland's railway, if not what is your least favorite railway company? I have traveled that's shit. I'll tell you what don't like now is the new Jin will ever there. Call Volver or something. The Zulu Zula. There could something with the fees. It's a V in it. Something that oh, you mean the one where the talking toilets yet? But that's just virgin. But what does anyone know what they're called? Now something else is disappointing. It's just very disappoint. Pendolino while I was just live Volvo Pendolino the Pendolino goes in the bowl. Doc filled. The woman does the voice over for the toilet in the virgin, that's is e city. Hello, hello. How's it go? What she sounds like either toilet. On you. I was getting into carry on isn't. It addition to be a toilet. Thinking. But yeah, you you do this. Droplet to job. I'm not owned by the toilet the actor. You will Titian. You are toilet. I can hear in your voice. You don't have to act this. Thinking what the fuck is my life come to. Put things on the to. And it's every time if you got diarrhea or something on that journey you're going to hear that a lot of times irritate. How do you know it? So well. A love year eighteen that's what I like. He's a question for you. Yeah. Yeah. Seven one four following home. Have you ever suckled on the ducks of baron old woman? Oh, dear. I mean, it's one of those questions if you have this is going to be a blistering on. If you have this page is going to join the rest in the Bill. I haven't. Made it worse. That's double this value. Now, we're fifty two pounds my mouth feels funny now you've said, yeah. Yeah. Like would you like to work as an baron old woman? Suckled baby's future. Into a real baby. Can I think people will paying you to suckle their bricks -pected due to do it? But it would be an potato be you'd be about. The empty Doug's of a barren old woman. Go on the streets. Go who by my? Baron old dogs. I mean horrible that still nice in their own way. Yeah. I think you'd be good at that. I think so I mean, you can only do Shirley Bassey for so long. Charlie bass, he'll be doing it soon. Is your favorite flat thing? Pancake cases spooning. What did you have with us had bacon? The first time had blueberries raspberries. I did too. I didn't have rasberries though. So it wasn't that good to have some recipes on their maple syrup. Yeah. Very american. Did you make yourself in clause? Go do this morning. Yeah. I heard that train story three times. How you doing? Good a charity event. Good. Yeah. Any other Jewish people in Scotland. They all know each other. The okay for each other care for each other. I am Jewish but I'm terrible one bacon for. They asked me if I would do like the blessing before I don't know Hebrew. I know nothing bagels. And that's where it still not in place the organ in the village church. How on Jewish? We are. As a lot of money for the Scottish. Yeah. They all people really pleased. Very happy. That's nice. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. That was a nice. Because I've now I've quite like living in the country. But you come to charter giggle undergo well a long way. Don't do gigs outside a certain radius. What would luckily my begins at home is my brother lives in Glasgow. Visit. It was fine. Listen to the train toilet that. It's a high of life is always wonder who is I'm sure it's easily. No, she's a highly successful act. Just toilet. Money. We weren't believe we'll go. Hi, I'm easy. See from remember in the cupboard. Up against me. That's me. That was me something close space. That's what would happen if it was a little bit of pay loads of money to pretend not to be as a toilet. East to be public toilet. So this is a real step up. Go to the toilet on trains won't say do on toilets. Dues. No. Well. Actually. Yeah. I was living in a hostile. And how did I went to the Lou in the middle of the night? And I nearly sat down on somebody's poo that they had really carefully culled round the seat of the toilet. I think that's a skill. Thicky semi circular around. Work on that. I need to do points out find difficult. Factually, the last virgin China was on the way back from Manchester, lovely place, lovely audience. To insist both weeks, and they they someone had done a in the toilet before me. And a lot of it. Stuck to the toilet. Flushed. Then all the happen was had a bowl full of slightly bounty Brown war someone else's poet it that way on top of that. And then the train got a little shaky. Sure. So close I just thought this. I thought if the train crashes now, I hope I die. That's what happened to me. Can you put that down as one of your emergency? Toilet. Toilets. Yeah. Sometimes sometimes it's a very tricky to companies mostly questions just anyone. He won't. That's that's not how it goes quietly. Impressions interested nothing you're quite interested in there's a singers who sing one way. And then speak a totally different. She's kind of. The singing of faith. Shane says we things and then she goes all heard. What's up loose on the toilet? This is weird. I feel with the sob- is the way she sings is what she is. She is like I do. She's not of this world. Maybe from a similar place to Kate birth. Nothing. What you've got like. The quite the that's why the Julie Andrews one sort of stands out because she's very amongst all these other people she's sort of seemingly a same Mary Poppins force. Whereas all these there are quite a lot of eccentric female performance as thing that gifts these days, though, because you know, you've. You know, you've processed sounds like Taylor swift and. Ariana GRANDE who you can't even we can't even hear the words that she's singing. Clue what she's saying. But but that really hard to imitate because they don't really sound like anything. So the Judy garlands. Manashian something new you live for that. But it's sort of says that's the thing with impressions in these fine is hooking onto that thing is do an impression is. Yeah. It's quite as increasingly how do it Lewis MacLeod Jeremy mine now, which is when you find that that's is just love because it's like we haven't really seen very much when you do. But then you also can do interesting stuff with it in terms of combining those other people. Yeah. Yeah. Having things that she wouldn't say, there's a thing isn't your thing that I saw that. Which is Kate Robbins does Victoria would sing in the bond things. Have you seen that? Oh, really, really good. But it's as finding that one. Yeah. The one thing that you really latch on and that's kind of tricky. I guess impression. Impressionism icon. I'm very good accent gone by. Well, I was just love to hear just in Manchester. Oh, what's going on? I'm from Manchester, quite good. I I would. Glasco glass spent you hear this. So you can use this one thank on this about Chris Evans from Wales. See? See I don't want to miss me. Wow. So, you know, when you found did you can you tell this is going to be the one that kind of stand out, or this is just experiment. Come some come more easily than others. It took me took me ages to do. Surely Passy, but. Nikki Moniz came quite easily. 'cause I like I like her this gives me you're a hell of a guy in the funding. Little is that she she has. I mean, mama. My my like pelican fly. I mean, he's so Sean I'm loving tie. Well, she's such a weirdo. Isn't she? And I like doing Alex Jones from the wedding show. She's nice isn't she with Matt Baker says that but my favorite shoes? Sorry. Sorry. Come on my show and do. Well. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. So. Of SCI fi Frisco, scoping, Natalie gases, Lee chain and the trumpet. And she's still delay. Spin stuff, quiet six. She's my favorite. Do you think about this inference on your little bit? Maybe full time though. But I think remind me a little bit of Marti Caine or someone like that. So many people have set me. I would like my dream would be to have a show light that riot show with sketches, and impressions and music and guests and so one can around March came was was lying. Wasn't name for that so much. I would love to Kane was like the came up at a time. Victoria, wood, very few female performance that we're being funny as well. She's a great singer. And yes, she did all these different things. Yeah. She wasn't up to Knox and stuff. But in my I remember is being this major force of lions, but it was a man's world that she's came up through. Yeah. At a time when there weren't so many people. But now, they're all say, it's finding that niche isn't funding that what you do with. Chance. Well, and. And for something to feel fresh enough for them to take Johnson. I guess very very skillful. Let's I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't think that's fair to you skills in comedy. On me who has no skills as that's true. Well, I'm gonna live in Cardiff and signed them there. So you do you you working on a just a panelist on the there's a new how this can catch on I play now episodes one in five of the best because the ones that I'm in and yes that was like a big gagging show of impressionist. So it's where we Bremner and Deborah Stevenson and Lewis is on one of them move me and look who's bringing coming. And yeah, there's all sorts of was directed by Joe Naismith. Who does I'm sorry. I haven't a clue and things like that. I'm radio four. So it's really silly fun. Parlor games with a good dose of itv's about. But it's still good. Now, he's as radio any fun thinking precious different song claves in show business. Anyone he works with any kind of ventral Cousteau me is definitely a perver-. Yes. Definitely one hundred percent just because they practice on people. Are imprinted with impressionists. Is there a slight element of not finding the real person by some of them? I think like you impressions that they you normal conversation. John Cole show. You can't he can't do his he doesn't know who he is called to his own voice. He I shouldn't say that. He's he's lovely do him. But Yukon, fucking wait. Thank you. From the station with him without him doing Tom Baker. Or somebody is I'm Rory Bremner boo Kumi up, and I don't really quite know what he's calling me about until you just starts doing his material to see if it works. Nerdy. I know Alistair McGowan Kona very well. Yeah. They're very nice people then a little bit more nerdy. And yeah, that totally all of us are I. Cool impressions. Freshness. Me I think Lou Kempner an I. Are a little bit different because we do stand up as well. And and other stuff normal. That's why I'm just trying to get to the bottom. I don't read it like, I see impressions is. Stuff that idea. But I just see myself as an impressionist 'cause I never really meant to be one. Lot of them started school doing the teachers and stuff who you do. Did you do that that, but I had no friends? We're getting to the bottom of it with my SIS interviewing technique sort of saying on the other freshness wit we find out the tricks. This. His getting banned from my friends. Find the teaching them rude words, making them do things. Yes. You talk about that tells you backstage, you can tell them. I am. I got I got banned from playing with my friends across the road because we're playing doctors and nurses by made them do actual urine. So. I take it seriously foods. I mean, that's not really what thoughts miss about. To remove your spleen. Very good. Right. I think we will have another merge seaquest. Yes. Please. From the what we should do a drink. How very rude we he's not drinking. I'm having a stop Tober. So far I've done three days. It's ten. I feel I should have a drink to celebrate. Do you want? I'm gonna have a pills. No, this is basically you can get eight and free Kroft. We is by going to be fifty two dot com slash esta. That sounds good. Almost made it not that Hegi. So thanks. Pills in a Cam lovely. And really, I ching. This is from the garden brewery, and it's made in Croatia. Which is an excellent place to visit. I hear I don't know is it now. Now, I've had people go on holiday there. And just say it's beautiful and everyone should go on holiday there. I find when you go on hold drink. If I was in Croatia drinkin- that pills I begun. This is the best of van, and then you drink the drink when you get home. Two. That is a delicious peer the I would pay nothing for very happy. And in a way, I am paying. Faye? I would then emailed me and say, please take me out of this contract for twenty four pounds is allowed. They're very good. It's very good. If you like craft beer great thing. Please sign up. We've taken the the pay us the money. They say that gives us at least I got a free beer. All right. This was great the Gobi left to that. Stop the backstop gloves from last week. Wow. Stuns up pretty well for seven days since flat. This is amazing. Wow. Everything. We all the other shows have kind. This is a question. I'd like to ask you have you ever imposed a Smith of any kind of question. Seven one seven how am I ever employed? A smith. Smith. Can you name? Can you name me one kinda Smith to pool? She's a wet nurse over time. Ducks. Have I over Smith Goldsmith go play here. Probably nice engagement ring. Thank you very much. My practice rings too. Them how to garden letting we're going to sapphire. I was gonna flip them. So I could maybe take my mom to a spa or by nice divorce back or something like that. And the man said to me if you get fifty pounds for the psych the money. Sleepless. What does he sounds like rum cove this? I wanted to be wrong rum cove. What's that is over what they could just to sounds like, he's rum? Sounds like a right. Non this. Oh, I don't know. I don't want to speak in live man could be entirely your fault. The marriage. Don't know shake she. It's almost certain to women's fall is what I'm saying. Yeah. Usually. Just your ex husband know that you do material about them and talk about and how does he feel about that time? He only gets referred to his practice. That's not too bad. It's not too bad. I would need got married. The first time. I think it was like thirty ish losses. Eighteen months. I been with eight years old amount of time to realize it was wrong. Still went through with it. Did you feel that it was wrong? When you got married was that a part of your brain. Because a big part, my brain Dundee, this rich fun, really. Fucking mode. She's still she's going to be the Alturas on. I was I was she may about ten minutes while something was going on. I don't know what was going on. Now thinking. She's realized. Realize what needy? I. She went through we went through. I can go to and that is no way. I understand got. She doesn't take that ring. The. It's a weird thing getting married. I'm excited. It was the best. It was like really like the best party ever. I'm so another one. Pretty initial really fun to have a second time with with the right person. I know. He's. It his heartbreak break in the audience. I head up on. He's he's a lovely, man. And he's a very lucky, man. Tell you. When the first thing, my mom said asked, my mom and dad, my mom said make sure she freeze her eggs. Listen, it very sensible advice is really are you planning on how many family? Oh, I just don't think. I would remember wherever left. There's a lot of remember you do after ten. Once happy. India was worried that I would leave it in I left her in the back of the car part. The post. Extraordinary sense. Will no way somewhere then my wife had lost a phone, and we were very stressed and we're going away this weekend for the first time of the baby. And then we had to turn around and drive back. And then I thought, oh, maybe she's in the street just run ring we until ringing. That's how tied we were. So ran down the street to ring it was in the gutter, and then my wife came into the house, which inserts you. And she said, what was really said. A new car. Left to the top of the road. So it was locked up and everything is probably fine. Window cracked. I was left in a car by my parents with window crack open a nearly died when I was reading sixties fine. The lab then was normal so loud, my sister's boyfriend used to they used to tie him. Just to like the gallery. Just he'd have like a long lead. Saying. Good. I might use them. He's really nice by the Justice. The boys. Terrible. My boy would just leave him for secondes up. The stairs. Walking now as well. So. Fell off it. We got him tied to a chair like baby, he's rocking. It fellow the other night. That will happen. And we will learn think he's the first one you take him to all school the second. Lyon is. Seven years. Oh, this thing. He's days one birthday on Friday. When I went to Manchester. I don't care about this. I wanted to say. He's going to work on his exactly we had this birthday on Sunday. He won't know the difference. Remember any of it can show him pitcher that was over? Penguin wanting you well. Yeah. I think I'd rather be the fun on wind them up on them run away. That's the last the way to do it. Nephews and nieces soul kids because my lesbian friends that believe in God. And they are I love them. So so much. I've told them to call me Jessie, darling. So they say Jesse darling. Play with me Jesse. Jesse is wonderful. I think I think everybody should do do what you want kids say that you want. You can teach them wrong things. I'm raising an army. I told my daughter I found in zoo. The monkey cage, and she started going. Yeah. I was in the month. And she said remembering it then? Bit bad. It's funny. It's great. Screwing up. It's still funny. Have you ever seen a ghost? No. Often when I'm about to get bed in the middle of the night. Or if you get to do, and then you come back. I do often imagine hand coming out and grabbing my ankle, but that's not a ghost. That's just a murderer. You just imagine it. Yeah. It's not I worry about what scary. Very scary. Yeah. Sometimes happens. Oh, so. Have you ever seen a ghost? No because they don't exist. We mental. Some of the stories we've been told on this book cost very convincing and terrifying. But they usually by people who own mentally unhinged show is. As performers amaze to be in that company. Really? Well, that's why I thought you've seen the ghost those the thought hit definitely no have you ever seen a big foot? My boyfriend's big. He has an he's terrible fungus. One of his case. To take pills for is that by. My wife doesn't want me picking my feet. I find that way. Bite my toenails used to be. Old. Do you know sometimes you eat your toenails spit them out? Can I may you little bracelet like? You were in this one up. So I'm gonna have to from memory if you banks, he's an idiot. If this is available if you want to buy this book starts pay fifty money risk ripped out fifteen four pages. Anyway, I four neither. Now, I'll give you a free copy of this book, and they're probably in the. If you not to be in a Hebron Pete. And you're in the middle. But you get to choose the person put into human centipede is nice and gets you. You can choose whoever goes either end who would be in front of you who behind you say. Can you remind me I do I have to eat their PU. Yeah. I mean, well this right, and this they might be able to hold mouth is stitched to the anus someone else's mouth is stitched to. Yes is right. This I'm amazed. You're not asked you this question before he propose? He's no into them. Just to check credit. Craddock's? My question wouldn't attorney major human centipede. Yeah. Oh, yeah. My first. Didn't work out that would be me far away. No, do I. So I think who's PU would I not mind eighteen. Yep. Got electrical this week. I apologize. I believe that percents. Who's the make may make a Markle's? Oh, yeah. That'd be nice. That she would have clean bottom hall. Eric clean. She's someone of the Palestinians down planes for. Yeah. I think that will be okay. And I could do in two hitless mouth. Oh my goodness. He deserves it. He really does. Pasta. Really? Good. Not. And I would say I'm morally in the middle of Meghan Hitler. You are in between more or less in between them. Just. Yeah. Have you ever? Shouldn't drink you next next week the Jong loon Sylvan crime becoming they may drink my wife. She does Greek. Last two just. Brian blessed? I've met lots of people that can do impressions of him. Never met impression. Brian blessed? No, I can't demand. Do no men. Can you do John Inman? He's client effeminate, man. No, okay. Joe squirrelly? What are we going to last week? She went listen to your thing about your podcast, bras, all questions about Brian Vesey. You should ask me about that last and she'd never met Brian. Until the end before that, she's dead. We behave. She trained me. She praying praying me we've Brian blessed? It can you do an impression of him. Involves just talking for four hours. Impression too. This is my freshman. Right. He's a great, ma'am. He's been love to talk. Joe? My goodness. We've the time flies by on these things especially when you're talking about poop. They are. We talking about. People with young. That's why that's what I show with. Redacted redacted in time district share with. Apprently Prince Andrew. One of them which to be met. It was do Andrew. It was. No, no. How was I was Prince Edward? He did really nice Nicki Menaj. Well, he lied to the rest of my did you go and do did you do in a special thing. Now the palace because Edinburgh thing. Wards or? Yeah. Yeah. He was he was he was he was there as the person. And I was there beta. It was pushed in I never go. Jacob edinburgh. I do any of that. But they didn't care. Long-distant mistreated voices fucked. The polish was that. No. That was a posh hotel. Yeah. It was good to high like how much to pay for the services that you rented about ten ten fifteen thousand pounds, right? Britain's got talent. That's why everyone everyone gets. Yeah. Well, did you make Callow Cal Cal? Cal cow. Trump t- much. What was something Callo? He's from Simon only met on like it was being in tally. Yeah. That was just like Amanda Holden I met in the corridor. And she was really ready, ready Radi Radi. Nice. I like to choose to come to my show is with less Dennis kiss. You could have p. Seem. Let's seem very happy and. Nice couple by does. You know, the far into the relationship was it will soon. It was equals it. Always had a twinkling for me. And. It was about it was nine ninety six and seven around that time. It was a bit before they win wrong. Love love. Fortunately, Donis Dono. Every time every time. Love doesn't die. What have you dice? Life is ultimately just very sad place to be. Drunks as his. It's fun. It's fun. Beta live. I like, it's. Okay. Yeah. Life life is a nice thing. Yeah. So ryan. Yeah. Until like twenty. Cumbrian stop dice. How old will we be? Then we'll all be dead. So. Okay. UP alive and to experience the scorching pain of the crashing into the sun. As I understand it. Is that what is that gonna happen in twenty four twenty four? Cool. Less. Donald Trump turns everything around signs up some courts. We don't Trump guys. We all say that. Now, did you vote for Brexit guys? They will say. Fifty percent of people did so someone in need. And they will right. They were hard Brexit. I'm not even sure why am I don't know? I don't know. What's true? I've been playing this character for so long walk around picking up stones putting them. Really do. I just do. No joker. Do it joke about it. But I do it. Hundred more than a backpacker and put them in the bag, and then I put them on. Okay. And I'm not mad. So. How about idea? It's good exercise. This is this a question asking if he's a niece. Would you rather be very like a bare or scaly like a fish scaler fish, right because I like swimming. But I don't do it enough. So might swim. Oh. I'm also scales. I like scales. Okay. I'll be like a mermaid mermaids Harry. What it depends? If you've got the fish head to the tail would you rather have? Would you rather fish tale? Yeah. Good question. Guess. Urgency. Why would we now? See okay, we could once. I would miss my pain is being replaced by the whole thing. Whoever is what happens this lay eggs on each of the fish. The base come out. Would miss my penis by. So I reckon I would go Loa fish because then you could at least like go to a restaurant and people would think you would regular purse. Tell you. Well, no one would know thing would you have one roller skate? I think have one roller skate on my fish tale. If you could do that. I mean, that'd be hard to maneuver. I think you'd have to slither. If you had legs, you could just walk around like a fish and well. Like a hitless lip. It's a real shame. Poor taste. Moustache for you. Don't judge people by. Copen hitler. Going to do that. We're all in trouble. So we've had a lovely time. So turned sour. Thank you so much coming in. So you're on with no filter with no filter from February until the end of may ending with a five night run at the SoHo theatre. She's going to be blue a little bit. If you get people up seeing you get people we're going to get people about the p. Audience booby able to choose. What songs they want to hear is what singers like there's also just mash things have a lovely time. Get meet Chessington world of adventures, no onto icon. I can only afford the pianist. But he's lovely names. Michael jackson. Oh, you'll right. Make him worse and bay. Thank he got bit. Right. The rest of it. It's it's loads and loads of fun and music and stand up and very failed. Good at checkout. You'll videos on your website, check out the curious collaborations, and really lovely beautiful things. They're very. Checkout just stuff and go say you're onto jets. Robbins. Take him. I guess just that music as by the people who helped. PF? Stop lovely. Thank you. Also, do the go strike team, you nice to let people, but they're still quite nice. Comedy guide least nice people. Up to them, actually, pure evil, the executive producer for this particular episode Norton. Young sounds like. This is the first strike dot com. Production and Skype chin. Oh, the internet goodbye. Thank you very much for ingesting, my podcast which square they put us if your lifetime kind sponsors, Goto dot com slash rela STA and claim your free eight craft. We is usual price twenty pounds a month. You get him for just packaging posting to ninety five. Don't forget to buy -mergency questions by for yourself by a couple of copies spare in case something goes wrong with it by one for your mom and dad by one via Graham, what I'm saying is by a lot of copies of it. Because if you do then I might be allowed on the proper tally. Thanks watching. And this thing goodbye.
Richard Herring's Leicester Square Theatre Podcast
Aired Last week 97:41
360 - William Buckley (Live w/Dilrukj Jayasinha)
You guys upcoming shows this Friday, we will be at in in Phoenix and on Saturday. We're going to be in Los Angeles. Our guests will be Karen killed Gareth of my favorite murder, then on the eight of February. We'll be in Philadelphia on the ninth of February. We'll be in Atlanta to new shows to announce on Saturday. The sixteenth of March you'll be in Durham, North Carolina. And then on may eighteenth will be in Brooklyn, New York at the bell house Derm and the bell house will go on sale tomorrow or today as it may seem the fifteenth of January ten AM for patriots people and then on Friday for the public at ten AM. You guys. We are also brought to you by Harry's. Harry's is of course, a shaving situation, not not a guy with hair. Look, it's New Year's resolution time. How about you? How about you clean up your face, Bob? He also be smarter with a personal finances. 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So get it to get a thirteen dollar value trial set that comes with everything you need for close, comfortable shave and a weighted ergonomic handle, a five blade razor with lubricating strip and trimmer blade, rich, lathering shave gel travel blade cover listeners that can get this all their free trial set at harrys dot com slash dope. Make sure you're gonna harrys dot com slash talk to redeem your offer. And let them know the dog sent you to help support the show. And of course, we are also sponsored by third love a bra company. You guys. Now, I've been using third love. Looking at it, whatever my wife uses them. So I get to look. I don't want to go much deeper into this. But you got a perfect fit using millions of women's measurements. Third love designs, his bras with breast size and shape in mind for an impeccable fit and incredible. Feel more sizes than most other brands industry leader over seventy sizes including signature half size Cup quality. And every stitch details. 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Everyone's right now, they're offering our listeners fifty percent off your first order to third love dot com slash Dopp. Now to find your perfect fitting Brian get fifteen percent off your first purchase. That's third. Love dot com slash doll for fifteen percent off today. And now now, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to play a podcast we recorded with our hilarious, friend dill. He's a comic down there in Australia. The place that's boiling on earth. Right now. We did this camera. So please give it a listen. There we go. Like Dave said in the intro give it up or Garrett. Thank you. Everybody for coming here. We appreciate it scraped severe and camera. Stop it, sir. You're listening to the Dow. We have a third chair, which means we must have a guest. We are very excited to have this gentleman here tonight. He is a low-key winner, which we hear is very big. We don't have Logie's in America. We have the Oscars, and he's also the weight loss champion of Australia. He's SRI lock and sweet laugh. Give it up for dill. Rube jets glenham Aaron everybody. Thank you so much. I love how you you started my last name, and then bailed fuck that. I've. Yeah. Giants you try and say it. Yeah. You know, world icon. That's what I caught him to say. Us enjoyed how Logie got less of an applause than weight loss. That's how my reputation in the podcasting world is like, yeah. We get it awards. But fuck you stop eating KFC for breakfast. Well done. That's that's Jeep cave. See for breakfast. I've dabbled. Seventeen eighty. That is I think the loudest and quietest people have gotten at one of these was quick. And it was just like an orchestra directed. It. Just a heads up for any aboriginal listeners turning in tuning into this dollop. Then I'll probably be mentioning the names of some deceased aboriginal people. Email from an American and that. Yeah. And then in American oak complaint. William Buckley was born in seventeen eighty in some booze already. Did he could mood. William buckley. It seventy and eighty in Michael's 'field England, he learned to read in high end night school and became a bricklayer's apprentice fifteen how are you spelling night? Well, and now he's not one of those around g h okay jousting. Yeah. They had a night school though, we actual fucking night. Yeah. And they did it at night that's night night school. Ooh. This place in bellred that does reenactments of call cry hostile where you have to train to become a night. Yes. Big fan one of them apparently so by themselves. No, my uncle died at one of those. He headed come in. Anyways helmet. You know the rules. His name is his name was no helmet. Anthony. What was he gonna do? That was his nickname. Given I shoot. No, no, helmet Anthony and then joust right in the fucking head. My name is Dilbert breakfast, KFC jazzing. And so some of us have to make changes as the times change. Yeah. You're eventually wears a helmet and dill now eats, bacon and salmon. Monster. William Buckley, grew to be between six foot six and six feet eight inches. That's where people Schwaller. Yeah. Yeah. At the average the average height of an Englishman at that time was five three. So he was just like walked Italic. Excuse me. The worry. Of course, not Motors. Lawyer your typical for this town's. Well, like that it's in between six and six six six eight. Yeah. It was changed like with the waves. Well, he's six seven with out heels. Yeah. Right. So I think they were sure at the time, they weren't sure. Because everyone's so tiny and had to get on each other's shoulders like kids in a trench coat and a cartoon to figure out how Tali was that's right. And he was just throwing them pick up an Englishman and thrown. They didn't have rule is that win that high back then we had to just estimated from the rulers were different. They were awful. So he's a giant at nineteen. He listed in the army. They were like, yes. Yes. Terminator you may. Yeah. So six weeks six six weeks later, he was fighting in Holland against the French his regiment's suffered heavy losses and William was shot in the right hand. Yeah. I'd imagine. It'd be easy to shoot. I mean, like for enormous the fact that they've got his hand. That's that's the best part like such a clear target in his head. Tried to grab it. He's such a giant for that giant confidence. He's drunk on giant juice. Keep going David. Back in England, he soured on military life and started hanging out with a bad crowd. Who quote led me into scenes of irregularity in riotous dissipation? That's why you stopped drinking. I don't know what riots dissipation means. I mean, I know riotous, but dissipation by the way, there's going to be a lot of stop stops. Because English is my second language. Go. Fuck yourself. Doing Sri Lankan. This is finally by racial podcast. What you always wanted to dance dreams by country a biweekly by racial, so bilingual too. If you could I'll look it up because overindulgence in sensual pleasures. So there's a lot of law coming. We're back at KFC again. No, no, no, no, no. That's that's dill's erotic fantasies at this point. All right now is you on the Colonel? It's finger lickin. Good baby. Oh, jesus. Sorry. What? What what is I want to leave? Now. That's what. So so the the the group was receiving stolen goods. So they're getting stolen goods. He didn't know he was handed a piece of cloth one day by someone to carry across town to someone else and the cops grabbed him a cloth. I mean, yeah, the stops. We really we this is so English, but they're just trying to just trying to get rid of all the fucking poor put them on boats in some way. So like, it's just like, hey, do you have a sheet you're in you're in prison? Like, right like, the there were they would they would give someone a handkerchief and then have arrested like it was fucking to set up. So he's he's fucked. He he's arrested. Spent six months six months in prison gang, then he was off on the ship Calcutta to a new penal colony being founded in New Holland. We're. We're. Sure. Was there an old Holland at the turn the radio on? Europe. Yeah. Sure. Wasn't sure if it was sort of getting ahead of the curve. It's like New York. They used to be a York. We're still York. Oh. Oh that one anymore. Not after what they did. Which the New Yorkers did the old Yorkers? I don't think he wants to get a new David seems all sensitive for dill. I think sweep this. Yeah. I'm bubble up. He sends you knew bricklaying he was very valued. So they put him on the ship. The Calcutta carried three hundred seven convicts and Lieutenant governor of the new colony David Collins. Okay. Cohen's? It landed in late eighteen three six hundred miles from the nearest settlement of Sydney k which is New South Wales. Run you. Yeah. Right. Because outside. Thank you. Yeah. Same with all this. Thank you. Exactly. They picked that site because it was so fucked up they're like, no one can escape from here. So Collins did not like the site Collins is not down that. And he was also offered a bonus to move. So the deal was if he couldn't make it work at port, Phillip, he would get a bonus to go to Tasmania. So they like set him up to make it not or like if he if he fucked up at this new colony than we get more money to go somewhere else. Right. So the idea is that you intentionally fuck up this new colony, and then you go somewhere else. I think they're they're thinking was well if up then he'll still go somewhere else and do another one more money to do that. But I don't think they realized they were making it. So that he would make it fail incentivizing incentivizing failure, which doesn't happen. Don't know. No -solutely not do that. I mean, unless you made a lot of money, but nobody would not have that sort of character to allow that. So oddly, the colony quickly started to fall apart weird Morales, very low. There are a few escape attempts. But they all were captured each one got a lashing after three months William Buckley's decided he was going to run for it. He said, quote, the attempt was little short of madness short shouldn't be a what he's using. Everything's a little short as appropriating height. Everything is short to him. But he's very impatient. He doesn't want to be here anymore. So three other convicts in him make a break for the day after Christmas. They had a rifle some food and an iron kettle. Okay. You know, like like I did. Sure. Yeah. When he created his weapon gun some food and a kettle. Is there a better guy to run away with though than somebody who's like a foot and a half taller than you? You're like, yeah, buddy. Yeah. Hopefully, they don't shoot us. All. Don't mind me. This is just my Poll Everywhere. No. Would you repeal the f-r-o-t-h you'll chestnut is that possible? I want to see that movie. So a guard saw them running he shot, and he hit the last guy on the group. The other. The others kept running. They ran for about four hours straight before they stopped again, you'd be pretty good at if you wanna got shot when there's is six foot six that's the target. Last words, we gotta be fucking kidding me. What were the? The next day. They saw an aboriginal tribe and William fired his rifle into the air and scare them off. Then they throughout the iron kettle because they realized there is no reason to have an iron kettle out. Where they are English will struggle to make t- the next day. Yeah. Yeah. Really puts you in a bad mood. I did not or water. But I just love the idea that they're escaping. And they're like, well, let's bring this in case. We don't get it. Thank t if we're going to bring the castle. Should we bring some sources coops Mike think of each? Yeah. Some doilies where hold on. Why don't we leave tomorrow we can load up on some pastries mcenore Sunday afternoon after a may do raw DeWitt cloth? Say right. Yeah. Yeah. So so. To take sugar cubes. Yeah. We'll put the sugar cubes and all that basically episcopal Lutely pissed. All right. We're going to need to leave it about week. We can offing we minded add some more men because when they table we don't we'd be sitting at forty savages do. Now. Absolutely not now, we've got more look proper. So we'll get a cattle. We'll get Paul of Stu the t a little bit. You know, make a steep steep the tea, and then we want enough cups, and then we'll have a for shindig. Yes questions. God. No, you're absolutely undercover undercover. Not one of us at all no doubt in my mind wearing the from the inmate. Oh nice. I don't think that one's. All right. I think he's fine now. Although we did say you will right which have never heard him say a full from Bristol. New road Bristol. Still. We've got a rapper think we take is an extra hands for spoons. Barry. Really starting to doubt you bit now. Because you're you're pushing it you all share what are your thoughts on cricket? What do you think about cricket governor? Fucking shit might. Like, forty lock Futi like forty. From the book, a stereo types. It's like a key chain that has like the noises that you just say phrases from. Well that word. What's he? Okay creek. Okay. And then the other three are just the same one again. Well, that's not good. It's malfunctioning. We got him wet. So they cut it out. Regular regular voice out of character. And I'm Eric loading realize was pulling. Out. He is he doesn't he doesn't want to do it. This. How long would you sit here? I. Very tailed December. I had four more seconds. The candid about twenty miles outside of what is now a Melbourne and finished off their food. Then they realized they had not planned the food thing. Well, no, they left the kettle. So there are other food at a beach. They found shellfish in freshwater. They had to fire somehow, and they stayed for several days. So the shellfish turn out to be quote. Not great. That's not good for for this time. Not great as really bad. It affected us all very severely. We know what that means. So I just picked your guys running and shitting on a beach and rubbing their asses on the sand. I don't know if we need to get that deep into it. I mean, obviously, we don't wanna pick human dogs scooting on the grass, but that's the I think I've got worms. No, no, no, don't health don't help. I cannot be like by this day. No. Us up. Maybe we've had terrible shellfish become exterior types when they keep autumns. Now God biscuits. Ball becoming irate electricals problem? This is no artificial intelligence at stereotypical accelerates. Just as dangerous cities. After six days. Oh my God. Williams campaigns had had enough. They were beating the show fish. Like a buffet think at some point you stop when that much shitting happens there near starvation and the other two decided to head back. I mean if you're near starvation. There's shellfish around. You like, maybe that's good. Let's try one more round. Still branson. So William refused to go back quote being determined to ensure every kind of suffering rather than again, surrender my liberty. Okay. I mean, really he stole a piece of cloth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So now he's here. Eating poisonous rancid shellfish while his friends are all leaking. And he's like I'll go back. I was going to give God cloth. Seems a little bullshit plus his hand as well. Been through a long thing. He had that claw phone cover that up. Really? But right now, he's the only giant in Australia. He was the Jordan of our time. The other guys took the rifle and left so Williams slept in brush on the beach. She's freezing at night. He couldn't catch any animals, and then he had a fire stick which went out when he tried to cross the river. So now, the shellfish one water fire were discovered to not be friends say he's got a layman shellfish, bad fire underwater. No good should've kept the rifle. Check day journal found something terrible out about water and fire today. The rumors were true. The two will not sustain. So now he can't eat the shellfish. Because you can't cook them it's horrifying hard to find fresh water after three days. He was pretty sure he was going to die. Then he found an abandoned aboriginal fire, and he got a new fire stick Barkan shits shits back. He can eat shellfish again with food and water. He slowly recovered and figured he could live here for a few months. Okay. See the sentence. He can eat food again. Like didn't he just shoot himself for six days straight? Love me abbey's eventually you after you shit long enough. I think Craig you're an expert on this. After after a couple of weeks diarrhea just kind of gives up right diarrhea. Yep. I am going to flag though, the person who says that they salmon and bacon coming off a fait AFC complaining about the dietary restrictions. He just kept eating the bad shit. I'll have KFC for breakfast. Thank you so much. Yeah. This guy. I'll have another bucket. Thank you so much. I mean, he's literally eating even with all the diarrhea. He's eating better than you. Then you drunk. He's still eating better. So he recovers figures you can live there for a few months. He had a new problem though, Soares she's not what anyone wanted to hear after that. Yeah. Crab show. Sloat. I had occasion sword and painful eruptions to break out all over my body. So as to make walking, very difficult and painful Christ. I mean, that's when you just want to kill yourself when you're covered sores cloth, though, I'm not going back now. Yeah. I go back even though the new spot at everything he needed, including a plant that tasted like watermelon watermelon. The only way to find out as the put fire in it. Yes. Water. This thing tastes slaughter. He became very lonely. He had the odd run in with an odd run. Emma, three aboriginal men who came up they pounded their chests, and then they founded his chest. He was like it's so good to talk again. I'm so lonely over here. And then they wanted him to come with them they signaled they want him to come. And he was scared to go with them. But afraid if he didn't that they do something. So he walked with them for a little while. And then he somehow explained to them. He wanted to go back. A lot of chest tapping. I will go this. No, I understand. But I'm sorry. No, okay. Yeah. Let's keep going are very good salesman. We talked my chest. No, I want. I want to stop walking cutoff head. No, no, no, no cut his head off. So they said go back. However, they said it go back into wait for it. Wait for them. But then they never return. They got lost on the way back and then they had to set up camp somewhere else. So they might have come back which is not found him. Okay. He eventually after just being out there for so long decided to go back to the penal colonies like fuck. Wow. So he goes down there. But of course, Collins plan was to fucking shit up and bail. So it was gone. They were already gone already gone Tasmania and this whole time. He's on like a sore walk. He's. Yeah. I mean, that's what they called it back. Then walk so many difficult for him to walk. So was it on his feet like more like a chafing issue with as a source between these is how about this? We're aren't the source. Let's start there. I think I think he's got sores all over between the buttocks. I think that would make it hard to know why? Well, if you say between the budget because I'm thinking I'm way past walking at that point now back to shellfish area. That's what happens when you rob your sand about being the San Francisco long aren't wheel back. Yeah. I don't like any air questions. So now, he's officially maroon like, there's no chance of he can walk to Sydney, but it's like what six hundred miles away or something so near there he found he's walking back from port Phillip, and he sees a mound. And there's a there's a spear in it. So he picks it up, and he's like, oh, I got a fucking spirit. He starts using it as a walking stick. Okay. And then one day soon after that to aboriginal couples approached okay? So doing the swingers feels like this right away. This is what the keys of the time. Yeah, we all pass around the spear. And oh, boy, I got the big toe drink of water over here. Going to put this Vira. You big all over. Everything in proportion. So they did the hit the chest. And then they hit his chest. And then they took him to their shelter and fed up. Okay. And they called him Merrin Gerke, which means full of source. Of sorts. Now, they believe after death that they would return as white men. In many aboriginal cultures across people died and their mortuary worry practice involves smoking the body above a fire on a platform so somewhat die. They build a platform apply. They'd smoke. And that they seem how something was spirits or something of that nature. I certainly hope I come back as a white, man. That's for sure. Let us smoke. You. Yeah. Yeah. You already did. Wasn't. That was not. I don't do that with every. We'll obviously this'll be edited out worry about this. Yeah. One. Well, we all learned something today. I was. I was preparing this. So while they smoked the body the color of their skin would turn pale doodoo, the smoking process. Okay. So they would they believe that after that the spirits within leave and they would head in the direction of Tasmania. So when white Gars guys started showing up on ships from that direction logically. It makes sense that the spirit has returned. Worse pale as well. Yeah. It's the worst ever you're like, my friend. Oh my God. No. You're back, but you're a fucking dick. Yeah. I think we overcooked him. That's our problem. We made him an asshole wide. If you ask me this gentlemen are far too white. Sometimes they would kill the white men appeared because they thought they were from enemy tribes. Okay. So sometimes you show up and you can't catch a break. Marin Gerke had recently been killed. And now a white guy shows up carrying Marin Gertz spear. Oh, what's and Marin Gerke was also a really tall. Dude chance. The one that bridge. No man's be by the one toll white, man. Well, then they look at him. And it's like his skin is still adjusting. He's covered in sores. But only be white. Meanwhile, this guy's like, oh, ooh food. You doubt. Monte do day five day. Who if you want to call me up? So they think that Marin Gerke has been reincarnated. And he thought they were gonna kill them. So they're on different wavelengths got a different. It's really hard to translate reincarnation through chest. Bumping. Yeah heartburn. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Rising up through much. Yes. Lovely. Yeah. The vibe right now we'll ever. Good any t. So they they bring him to their camp, quote, one holding my hand and the other holding the other hand. Sort of. And you know, if you're absolutely you'll both feel. Both feel. I mean, like holding hands is pretty weird with another adult. You just meet someone out in the wild come on. Let's hold hands. Like what the fuck like it had been the weirdest. Oh, yeah. So she for an English person. If you also think you're gonna get killed you like, I will do anything you want to do you want PDA? You got it. My friends you are going to let's kiss. I don't give a shit. I don't draw lines. I'll do whatever. Hold. You know? See it is really no weird. If we don't do it for the rest of the show deal. Then it's weird until then mother fucker. I have underestimated, yo. Yes. N skills. Taking this two hundred hundred estimated his what? We should start doing that. Would make that all hands. Sure. I think he's out. I wanna go. I wanna go home. Not. Early. So they gave him food and water at the camp, quote, then they all sat down and a general howling was set up around me that. Military officer general howling. Listen to what I say. And you'll get through this alive, the women crying and sobbing and tearing their faces with their nails. So his what he a token of excessive grief. So they're doing he's just like he's like he's like they're go back to my loudly mound disease. It's like an all mosh. He sows on his legs. This is the lament the suffering. He had gone through. So their sympathy pains, but he has no clue what's going on like ripping their faces off. No fucking. He just knows it super violent, and quote, they ended up bloody bruised and burnt she's nice. So he's like you guys party differently. Yeah. You're different party a little differently than you guys party. Yeah. So yeah. So they gave me this handkerchief. You guys go back to what you're doing. All right. Sure. Okay. Then he wrote a script for John Travolta, Nicolas Cage movie. It was he didn't know go from. Guys like too soon. My don't pick on face off. Joan was a fucking genius documentary as far as Goodson. Face on face off. Packers. Awesome. Such a few want to sit on the show. No up here on my left. The next the next day next day William was taking the rest. The tribe or more people in the tribe. The water Wong with their name is water wrong at is water rum. Do you have any idea like he's just worried right? Or is he starting to feel a little scared? They're going to eat him. But at this point, he's sort of like, okay? This is pretty well. He's pretty he realize it's going well, but he's still like he still thinks he's gonna get kinda like me right now. And this. Just just go with. A ceremony. Was held around a fire, which is known as a core up ori-. Corroborate corroborate rubbery. You got the wrong guests for this episode? Someone was only been in the country fourteen years. I'll try my best guys are corroborate corroborate. I apologize for pronouncing. Oh, not as an. Aw. They were welcoming welcome. Welcome him back to the living. That's what they're doing with the corollary. They could corroborate that right? They were invited to a celebration with the Koumba. Also, what of the water wrung trimbe Wayne was introduced to ameren Gertz brother-in-law and his wife. All his wife. The we the newly renewed no brother-in-law is his his family got killed in the thing. Killed in. So they're out. There was another a core core Borey. Bird cardboard. How do you say a robbery meant to you to have the middle finger pointed to the crowd doing a podcast. That's just instinct. But this one ended up in an argument. Spears came out. And we're sup- ING thrown. Oh, Jesus was moved to safety because he had already died once and battles. So they believe he should be spared that pain again. But only getting his chest tapped right now, this is a fucking fight. But now is he like if it was a pictionary game that went wrong. Yeah. Well, now, it's it's two different. They're in the same tribe, but they're different groups. But he he his grasp of the situation is no I do it's so he is like this is bad. I was asking do you want like red wine and white wine? He's like, I don't know what you're saying. Someone just losing should just fucking pick something, and then all of a sudden, he's getting speech jet him. And please come this way. We're safe over here with us. They had a panic room ready. Just put him in there. He did notice. Most fight started over women. Nothing. Nothing has changed. The next day. I run moved on except for Williams family and another family. So is now just with this one which is his family. He doesn't know it. Right. He's still. He still scared. They're going to eat them. But they don't eat people. So kind of break there. That's right. So he doesn't realize treating him as a family. That's right. Here's the dressing up in the guys all clothes. Yeah. Feeding him his favorite food, right? His girlfriend is the vote. So days turn into months. They normally turn it two weeks. I know. Quite a time. It was different than Austrailia. Months, and he's still just like they're going to eat may. Monster and in any years. She's so he's just living with his new family. He's now he's become close with them. He's part of the family over time. He learns to hunt and he learns their language through about two years to learn the language very well. They're very patient with them because they believe when you're reborn you came back a fool boy. I mean is there there believes could not match up better on my God. Oh my God. But it's also like did that belief system also happened to fit the narrative of what was actually occur like they're just so they see they see people coming like fucking white dude who literally don't know shit about how to be in the wilderness that guy's a fool and also matches. So which you back white you come back insanely ignorant believe it or not. Shocking. I know. Hey, it's okay to be white. Hey, stop it. We voted on revoted on it. I'm you saying on 'em. I okay to be white. Gotta start rocket to wear. Something much. You guys come back a year later. I'm a huge right-wing activists. Look this guy. Get said he knows he's actually created the white ring. He is rare. Deals white now, he's got full white all white white face. That is a legal and not okay. On behalf of our people. Mike goodness, still we've been through enough. So obviously being foolish works in his favor. Right because he doesn't know anything. So it's kind of perfect. You knows nothing about their life. That's what it's a protective of him when he was getting attack. Like, no, no, no. He doesn't know any better. Just leave him alone. Little bowling was whole life. They would be protected even other tribes wouldn't want to hurt him because he had already died. So certainly became a decent hunter. He was good at catching ill, it became very good animals Skinner. He like kangaroo very much. Oh, really enjoyed EMU and wombat. Those are favorite to had both of those for breakfast yesterday with a little salmon bacon Kuala quote. What's are excellent. Eating and very much resemble pork and flavor pork in flavor. Don't look at me awful. I hope he gets mouth. Claudia? Burns when he bars. Kangaroo. I mean talking about the easiest capture ever sleep cut his head off. There we go next. It's like picking fruit just injuries there. You my friend sink. All righty. So ready to go. One time the family killed two large dogs and cook them they handed William and leg, which was supposed to be the very best part of the dog quote. I could not fancy it. He refused to eat it. And everyone thought it was hilarious. Back. So dumb. You will. Is to. White a dummies. We will call you dumb ass home. So when he I okay, I'm assuming at some point. He will learn the language it'd be like knows the language. He does days became us. That's right. But so he's now what's she with the dog? Just at pet says dogs and now he's like don't want this month. He came from a world where people at dogs as pets. Ro. So they when he's learning the language is he not hearing the narrative they've constructed and he sort of just like, yeah. Okay. I'll go with everything right? All the words. Accept the word dumb ass. Somehow. Translate all their social norms and all their things and didn't he made sure not to like talk about Jesus or God. Or or anything that sort of sort of come up against their belief system. Just went with the flow of everything. So because he wouldn't eat dog. They assumed he had a new white guy palette. And then he traded his dogleg for a piece of kangaroo. And the guy he traded with just kept laughing at them for making such a shit. But to me that is such a like. I like, it's so dumb aligns we draw. Well, no because it lived in our house. We can't eat it. No. It's totally doesn't feel especially if you're in that situation in the wild. Like what difference does it? If you like equality all dog shirt giving it what do you got? Let's do it. I'll let you guys let's party. I'm having fun. That last part was able to lead anybody. I'll leave cook it up, yum, yum ah. Also, very good episode of the Simpsons the dog dogs trading. Kangaroo. That was the original paper clip for a house guy who went around that guy. No move on on the contrary. God, dammit what man traded April. He he's just drifted into some Sri Lankan stuff that no one. The sky. And then you have a house. Do you own a house in hate it? While that I've got a solution for you, clams. If I got one president do it. I'm a genius. I don't eat dog. I'm almost happy without shook out he's he's incredibly convinced. It was a good good piece of comedy. I'm not sure about the fact that you don't know the stories about the bombing me. What did he do currency all of his? What is the paper clip for a house guys? No. I don't know that they did. Oh, even worse. They knew they didn't think it was funny. What if he came out in these white? All right. So this is life, right? This is the life. He's been living for while. He's limb with his brother in law and brother-in-law's wife sort of quo's almost entirely naked sleeping on the ground month after month year after year deprived of all the decencies and comforts of life. Still. I lived on. So's at this point cut you source. I'm sure he's got some source Wham learned about their traditions -ociety and lost all concept of time. One point he came across one was fellow escapees. Oh, no. He's. Ever really, my old friend visit pounding his chest. No, I'm actually they smoked me. And I came back. The foul we came over on a boat together. I think you have mistaken for someone else, my friend. I came over on a bow. No. We did not play. We were not elaborate body shut your mouth. I would never do that brought your cloth with you. Don't know what that is. I would never get out of here because those scares favorite KENDALL. About that ring about. Yes horribly. Yeah. I was gonna take the kettle because I love, but then you came over here. The dog. I have my limits. So. So the other is is living with another tribe on the coast is he in the symbol in the same boat where he's like, yeah. I know don't. So he William talks coming live with him. But he's a fucking asshole. And he's he's a specially behaving poorly towards the women. Which is what a lot of the fight started over ri-. So. Seem way too many fights over women. So he told the guy to leave. He's like, bro. Go back to your coast people because you're not cool a little later. He heard report that the man had been killed over a fight with woman. The other scape? He never heard of what happened. So those guys are gone probably after many years living with his brother in law, and the wife they were killed finding another try so his his brother adopted family killed. Okay. Why am was devastated? There was the worst pain he ever felt in his life. My system, bro. What his sister, bro. Yeah. Yeah. This point. He's literally been there for years. They had two kids. They had a blind boy in a young girl. Okay. So he took care of them or he tried to. But then this other kid came to stay with them and the kid got sick and died, and then the family came to get and they were like you. How'd he die and he said sleeping in the tent with the blind, boys? So they they killed the blind. Boy. Sorry. It's just something you gotta do. David what? So there's a kid came to stay with them got sick. Right. And he'd been sleeping in the tent where the blind blind or the hut and the by the by Moya anto. You gotta take care of that business. Got to kill him. It was clearly the blind kids full. Yes. How could he not see that coming boy? Logie award winner. The Logie was one. So then the girl became a certain age she'd been promised to man. So she went off to the man. So he's alone again. Okay. He's now been living in the Bush for around twenty five years. So it's a while. Yeah. So group shows up and they decide William should be married. Okay. And so without asking they give him a young widow who has around twenty years old. Okay. Well, how this? Okay. So it's hard to tell because the years are sort of sort of estimating his height later to tell these. But he's he's too old for twenty Ronald. Still it's hot. They made all the gossip sites. After a couple of months some men came. And and one of them was like, she's come with me. And she's like, okay, I'll go with him. And they and they took her then. Okay. And then William follow them. And he complained. He's like this isn't fucking cool. She's my wife helpfully sent it a little more like, yeah, I'm sure he is a little more. I'm not putting I'm not. I love to see a try like what would he that? She's I gave her to me. I mean, guys, okay. Years or something? Sounds less cool. Any idea long jerking off? I like her. I mean lead with that. I think is. I wonder if she wanted to leave I've sick, whacking offer, the hot alone, and I feel for this one. Quick addendum. So the guy who had taken her through spirit and killer. Oh, jesus. Well, then. No, no, no one. So everybody's back to hut bathing. Yeah. So now he's now he's back to now. He's Louis CK back in his well. Yeah. No, never mind. There's no woman there for him to jerk off around. So he's not Louis CK. Well, doing more like what I do normal masturbating alone. Just FaceTime in the guy. You do a podcast with. Regular gentleman does. Louis CK has a Wallaby trap. And he's like. Well, then if that happened there would be like also if you over-cooked them, they come back, and they blocked doorways while masturbating. You smoke the right amount to make a white that comes back. More years past thirty years have gone by. Wham became known as a man who brokered peace between tribes. He's well liked. He's treated well. He's a guy who like he would go out on on attack rates, but he would never fight because they didn't expect them to. They just want him to sort of be there if it rains. Tribe if another tribe saw him, they would be like, oh, I can't shoot that guy here. Throwing position to be. Yeah. Yeah. So he's just kind of like a upper ward is stand in the middle. Good luck. Everybody. Why he he'd hide he'd hide? And he'd hide thing. A tree or whatever he wouldn't actually take part. Quote, I frequently him back, then he had white privilege. It really is like a weird standard for the white person in this situation. Don't hurt the white, man. He's been through enough. It's true though. Have any idea? How much we suffer? Clapton then at the blues. Blondie invented ramp. We've done it all if we frame it. Right. So quote, I frequently entertain them I'll sitting around campfires with accounts of English people houses ships, great, guns, etc. What do you mean? He's just telling store. Yeah. So he'd also storyteller. But his story is that he's not English. Right. But I think they see that as the place of the dead. So when he tells me stories to them, that's by the way, I think most of us still seem to think of England is the place of. Teeth. Okay. Sorry. Just look like a corpses mouth. I'm sorry. I'll let start marrying outside the family. Wow. What a novel idea for nineteen ninety. Big eared onto ninety spas schools came around and we decided to marry outside of the genetic code of around. Use. It's all fog either walking around like potatoes, weird mouths dad's. That's like the beginning of thriller described Ireland not England, it's Great Britain. I would say is fair. More like Britain. Seriously what other country, so they they would they loved his stories. They thought they were fucking crazy. He told them he wanted to return to his people every once in a while, and they would cry and act grief-stricken that was a terrible thing to hear is that Maddie wanted to die again to them. He was saying you wanted to die. Okay. Breast. Yeah. Basically to them. So he chose not to take part in combat like, I said he avoided politics being dead. Was was he was excused from all that kind of stuff. He was very you wanna go. Do you want to go hunting lodges? Hey died. Oh, of course. You just stay here. Stay here. Hey, boss com. Into more. What's? Is it that you died that one time? I did do not come in tomorrow. Do not you do not need to be here. You that one time and you're all set. Honey, I don't think I can do this any more. It's just that died that one time, of course. Yeah. I would never expect. That of you died that one time for sure that happened. They smoked you to white. No, I don't want to do another shot. I'm not doing another shot. Come on, his birdie. I died. We'll do year's flu tests. Out for you. Better because I last spat. I just died. Only became very skilled as a spear fishermen and hunting, quote, I became as skilled as any of them at spearing kangaroo or fish. Okay. There was a colony. That he could have gone to. But he didn't he didn't want to leave the people come so close to one day. He saw. A couple of aboriginal guys carrying a flag on a stick shirt. He asked him about it. And they said there's a ship in the harbor gnomes around. They swam out and climbed up and stole the flag. Little Franken little prank and so great capture the flag in the English. You're like what the heads exploding? Colored jumping off the boat. Drive yourself now, gentlemen, the flags gone. It's really triggered. Because you know, what happens when a get stolen? Don't do. It. You fools. You'll end up in what actually come back here nearby. Do you think it's great? So circle. So the ship had left three white men and six black men behind who had built two huts ship had taken off. He said that the guys have lots of other food weapons and other stuff. The two guys said they were going to find a tribe that they knew who would come back and help them kill the white guys and take all their ship. Okay. Right. So williams. Do you have to kill the move. What? I just love the plan. Let's get them. Come route. Do they have to could you just? They've got to die. He's got a lot of stuff stuff. Maybe just take the stuff. Let them live. Now. It's the cheeky away. When I said Jake Jake rough rough way to do it take the things leave them there. Embarrassment off the charts. Just don't kill the my God come on. Yeah. Yeah. All right. You're pretty you're in pretty white of may. Pretty white right now for why not lie. Look like those guys. Yeah. Well, they've put also were burned reincarnated unless that's a sticking point. Then they weren't you know, what I'll Kalem. Let's kale kale kale that dog. Yeah. Love dog wasn't cooked. Prospered shit dog. You just bit. Bob's live dog. Just love Doug. Craving. Doug. You eat it alive. Sushi. Fresh off love the for. Who's? The. Okay with killing. Yes. Very yeah. Yeah. Turn key on that -solutely kill. So William decided to try to warn the white men, but he knew if he did he would it would be seen as treachery by the other bridge just lay back in this situation. Yeah. So he walked the day to the white guys. He saw the British flag flying on a pole got there. And when he arrived there there were aboriginal men around the fire talking to the white guys. They pitched their tents nearby way and walked up sat down around the fire. He's wearing he's got a spears and other war tools. He puts his leg. He's going easy that you'd really gestured penis for those of us listening war. Spears tools worst fear. He's got a kangaroo skin on. He's been living in the Bush for years. He's super fucking tan now because he's not there forever. They the white guys cannot figure out what in the fuck this guy, right? Intern. So one of the white guys starts asking him questions. But it's been so long since he's heard English. He cannot understand what the guy is saying, right. It's a more chest. Banging chest bang. So then the guy offers bread and bread clicks, his head like Brennan word the first word, he understands quote, a cloud appeared to pass from over my brain soon repeated that and other English words after so it's starting to front come back right to spoil it because if he wrote all this stuff in that language, obviously flea came back eventually while way to fuck up the whole story. No, one knew where to take it out of the moment. No one knew that. He's saying stuff like, no. Biscuits. That's remembering cricket teach him bang is she. Cricket. So somehow he managed to explain he had not been born in Australia, but he'd been born in England. So the men took them back to their tent for teen biscuits and some meat. This is just going to turn them right away. It's just going to become English. Teen piss Kitson meat. This gets meet thi this gives me tastes not. Yeah. Tastes bill. Yeah. Once you one. Yeah. Biscuits bay. Getting regulated relegated. He slept that night in their tent. He was overjoyed. So he's sleet. He's now. They they're like, so they're they're in a strange place. And there's a dude who's been living with aboriginal people forever. So this guy is someone they can use also imagine that they didn't expect him to speak English. And all of a sudden like what what an asset. He would be. Yes. But I think for him. It's kind of dick move. Right. Sure. But remember he's trying. Sorry. We're accustomed to the white man being the worst. Oh, yeah. Of course, he's the worst. So this he's seeing this from both angles. So he's seeing this that these guys had a big ship with a lot of fucking people on it. And so they could kill these dudes. But that doesn't mean another group adduces going to roll in fucking kill people. So he sees it both for both sides. Right. So he sleeps like you said in the tent overjoyed that night, but still anxious about everyone safety. So they think William is a loss sailor that it gotten lost years before they got more land language back and found out. They were planning to stay in, Victoria. Okay. Quote, they that had seen several of the native chiefs with whom they had exchanged all sort of things for land. But I knew they could not have been since they have no chiefs claiming or possessing any superior right over soil. So these guys are saying they bought land from chiefs first of all there are no chiefs. That's problem. And then second there's just like family heads. But there's no official guy that can roll up and be like say the land. So he's like all the all playing me now. Well, he knows there's some sort of fucking game of foot. Right. Right. So like, I said, there's only heads a family. They don't really have a concept of being able to sell land like land is a thing that exists for you to hunt on and live on. But. Yeah. Again, I'm not sure if we're getting on board, the paper clip train, I feel like you're just well, that's how you tried land. No. I don't know. It sounds like a fucking crazy super crazy country because I feel like if I roll them with a suitcase owned that motherfucker right now, that's how the sound on every house here. All they want. There is to put paper to. Imaginatively? So selling it's crazy selling land is crazy. So I am decided this is a bullshit move by the white guys to steal country from native inhabitants. And he's very aware of colonialism, and it's affected this point. So they told them that the ship was coming back with supplies and a lot more people. What he was worried about. So he knew even if these guys were killed more people are coming. So he stayed with the white guys constantly to stop the other aboriginals from killing them. So he's like now he's like don't kill these guys. Because what comes if you kill them might be worse. So then the other tribe showed up the one of the two guys went to get the ones that are going to fuck in wipe out, and they see how few Europeans are that? Are there? They see three guys. Let's fucking kill these guys right now. And William told them. To stop. And they said look if you help us with the attack. You're cool. If you don't we'll kill you. Okay. So it's time also. Although the top spot. No mediation is about to fall through. Yeah. He if he told the settlers of the tribes plan, they might attack. I yeah. So he commenced the tribes to wait for the ship to come back. This is like that puzzle away. You go have a chicken and FOX and a blog of, hey, which one do I leave of Cross River? This guy's called is FOX sounds a little like breakfast. From what I'm here. So the conundrum. So he commences the tribes to way saying that a ship is coming back when the ship comes back. They'll have more stuff to plunder. So for days he keeps having to convince them to hold off on tacking because they keep going, dude. Where's the fucking shit? Let's let's kill these guys at drags on. And then one day pulls a gun on the tribe and points to guys head does he remember to use a gun at this point? It's been thirty five years apparently does. So he holds the guy's head. And he says he killed the first man who harm the the white strangers. Just wait 'til the ship ship. Finally comes the average guys are ecstatic because he was he was telling the truth. There's more shit common to come ashore. And a lot of conditions, and it's John wedge. And the port Phillip associates are and also Henry Batman brother of John Batman. Hi you. It's that's the bad. Batman adman. Hank? There were very shocked to see William. William hit the truth that he was in escaped convict Batman asked him. If he would help negotiate and work with the aboriginal people. That's the job for the Commissioner. Did it? He would have done the voices. Well, can you help us? The dark white rises. So this is always a complicated. So the treaty of Batman with the tribes. Quote, that he where he bought the land was for judge wrong. Water water. All right. So there were three tribes. The judge Ron the water were wrong and the water room. And he was part. He was part of the water wrong. That was the tribe even living with okay? Here's the other tribes were enemy tribes. Okay. But that man had made a deal with just the water wrong. And he's like got all your stuff sorry to cut you off. Dave. I think they giggling every time you say Batman fully. There was an OSCE onstage. Can carve Batman is. Is it Batman? While you giggling is it Batman or Batman? Bruce, wayne. What are they saying? What what is your problem, Greg? What is it? Okay. So they just giggling. I get it. Sorry. My oppose trying to be helpful turns out, you just mean. There. There's a group there. It's like doing a trying to like a spelling contest in front of five year olds. So batman. There's a thing. This cool. Underlying white supremacy thing where white people make fun of other people's pronunciation, that's star thing. Don't worry about it. You're fine only normal, but Batman. But only brought it from the water room people. So he paid one tribe whose enemies with the other tribes. And that is not the one that if you have if you if there's three houses neighborhood, right and one of them, and they all hate each other. And they'd go out and they fight each other. And then the dude rolls in and says, I'm gonna buy all the houses and gives them money to one house. That's what's happened. Okay. Gotcha. So. Even then you can't buy lambs on top of that. All none of it makes sense. So now sounds like the housing market. So now. Another he's water wrung. So the water were rung people see him as an enemy and zero interesting gauging with him as an ago, she ater, right or an interpreter. And because he was so quick to jump back in with the colony people the water on people his people now are seeing him as a spacious see this. Yeah, he's playing too many games. So his so they hired official job is to help smooth things over with a bunch of people who not totally don't trust. Right. So was also just generally difficult to get along with and he was reluctant to give information columnist because he didn't want any harm to come to aboriginal people. So on top of all this. He's trying to play a game where no one gets hurt. Right. He's he's intentions of fairly pure at this one isn't he's void mass muttering from either side gay. He's he's lived with these people loves these people. He respects these people he doesn't like he was a prisoner. Where you saw what Ryan call? New South Wales. He's like fuck that doesn't he doesn't like colonists thinks they're the worst. But he also knows that when they come fucking come hard like Hello, Louis CK and Louis CK block at a door or just being anywhere. Or just maybe he has Sarah Silverman. And she said, yes because she wants to normalize sexual assault case scenario. Start drinking again. So. So he's reluctant to give information to the colonists. Because he isn't any harm become aboriginal people in his reluctance was taken by a lot of Brits as a sign that William was stupid. So he's like having on. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if they do that. And then they're like, this guy's a fucking idiot. Both more on. He's he's totally fucked. He has a lot of critics in the colonial world, right? All these people are coming over and starting to set up, and they all think he's a fucking moron his intellect if he ever possessed much and almost entirely deserted him, and nothing of any value could be procured from him respecting the history and manners of the tribe with whom he had so long dwelt. He was a tall ungainly man altogether. His looks were not in his favor. Geez. See you gotta shred this. Like this. Holidays bad. No negotiator. You don't need to come out of like that. He had a bushy head of hair black hair, low forehead with overhanging eyebrows. Getting rude. Nearly concealing his small eyes and short snub just say looks like a giant Garfunkel and get it over with a face very much marked by smallpox say anything about a mustache was just that your man as one would suppose to commit burglary or murder. I mean, there's a lot of speculation in this classic that he's like TMZ remedies. Is not always got overhanging eyebrows. That means robber. So he's trying to play all these angles. He's trying to do this job of being an interpreter John wedge really liked William or at least he pretended to like him because he saw him as a means to an end right wedge wanted to show that the colonists wanted to have friendly relations with aboriginal people. Okay. Do you want the world to think it's a front? Wedges non for her O'Kelly saving heroically, saving a young aboriginal boy from jotting and the sea. That's like one of the. Legendary heroic acts of John wedge, the part, they leave out of this story is that the curfew is with just murdered. The boy's mother in front of and the ran into the sea. That's not say, and then when the boy washed up he revived him, and then took the boy to live with him instead of returning him to try what a bedtime stories to you like. She's. Everyone who got murdered everyone. Fucking dead it stopped rhyming halfway through stopped reading. Here's the thing. Once once a Grinch, tastes blood. It's on. Is the cover say that he's still Christmas? And you say that he ate human. Well, he stole Christmas in a sense that he killed them. All drank their blood on Christmas day what Christmas morning instead of presence being opened up and children finding tons of stuff. It was just who blood everywhere. It was it was a bloody massacre. Daddy, said mom in. Why the eggs green? No. You know, I can't send your mom. You know, how we do this? You do not fucking break. I contact New Year's Eve put clothes on just put clothes on. Please. In the light off close out or stop talking one of the three our family hasn't tradition. I don't think it does grip that was alive. Stem naked covered in blood. All New Year's Eve in the morning you wake up, and if you dare if you fucking dare you try to go get those presents. I don't want the present city more interesting. Oh, no, the balls are going to drop this where the balls drop this way drops his balls. No, no. All legs. I never add please go on forever. One nice thing to tell you son. I don't wanna hear anymore things. You have to Dalby. We're jewish. You want the Nightline honor just? So John wedge. Did you say who is your Jewish? So John wedge, the idea that being friends with the aboriginals at least. I'm principle was a desirable thing to do would get them the sport of the British revelation. Maybe we try to be nice is that crazy. What's more of a front? They want everyone out there to think that they're being friendly as opposed to massacring everybody. Then it's better for trade. And the let's. It's an unreliable situation. Never happened again. And wedge William as an opportunity to make that happen. William was the great potential bridge in the divide. But a great nickname. You're the great potential bridge. John JoAnne, became friends and William eventually told him I was actual background of escaping. From the penal colony. Okay. The club guy, Sime cloth cloudy. I was actually just handing it off to anyway here. We are forty years later. Greta ride. Oh my God. I my wife got spirit never mind. I'll tell you. Really weak from shellfish. There's more. So John said he tried to get him apart and he worked them apart. And the William works is interpreter rarely left because he was worried fighting erupt say weapon. Australia getting applause break for opening a beer. Yeah. Yeah. It took me five seconds. They were like stupid monkey man. Look at them up there with us to be fair. You've already died and come back, and you don't. So stupid looking out an open beer doesn't need. Dawn. Does not open. Be silly white, man. Forget beer. Sorry. Know. What he's not Tarzan. I don't not Tarzan. I think they're right to be offended by what you said. Someone who's been on the other end of this. No. So William Buckley received a quote free, pardon from governor Arthur on twenty five August eighteen thirty five exactly thirty two years since he arrived. But it wasn't done because they appreciated his help working with the trots wedge had written to Covernor Arthur quote. I feel that I scarcely need advert to the danger that would entomb the lives of those who may in future reside here by his being to despair by the refusal of this petition what happens. So he's worried he's he's he wedges writing to the governor in saying. That they should be worried if they refuse his part. Okay. This would probably induce him to join the natives again, then in which event there's no calculating on the mischief that might ensure on the hostile feelings that he would have in his power to instill in the breasts of the native really love that call in mischief. It sounds so cute when it's just like, oh, they might kill us a bit of mischief. Mischief was different back then. But this wasn't the narrative they told William he was shown his pardon along with the fat flattering testimonial. Thanking him for his services. Oh, William we all muddy impressed. Your great way was very grateful. So now, he's basically kind of coming colonial. He's working for the government as an interpreter guide, which he didn't like doing we told tribes if they went to the settlement. They would get things like blankets knives. So things are going on like this for months. He's trying to keep the tribes from attacking? He's trying to get the tribe stuff. He's threatening that line. Sure, he's paid fifty pounds a year and also rations he would help with XP dishes, but he didn't get along with the colonials. He didn't trust them. He didn't agree with what they were doing. He'd come over and chains as a convict and was forced to work. So he's not one of them. Once he was given the task of directing people from Melbourne to Geelong. So they all set out on horseback. The people said the entire trip from Melbourne. They tried to talk to William and all he would do was grunt. And he didn't wanna ride here up backseat drivers fucking annoying. He didn't have anything to do with up there. William you cool. Part of being out here. What's a good? Cafe angie. Longline? Oh, yeah. Oh, it's good. It is good. There's one. There's one called guidance. Zwide? Right. That's what I'm doing right now. Yeah. Yeah. So when we get there at that place out. They make a really nice lot. Oh, that's very capris. Capris? How's the how's that dog? I want. Dog. I want to slice of bacon. Did you say dog? Dog dog is in this snatch. Dog. Wolf do. They have Doug. Got dog pet ours. Is it good dog? The fuck you talking a lock a bit dog. No. We don't eat dog ate ducks. No. You don't bloody. Well, Dewey dogs are lot Dokes. Your fucking columnists care be paid to. Then he Kuna ball you Alaka. Doug, all not do cubes milk and fucking talk. Just because his buddy cool guided doesn't mean I need yours. My get may mob dog Berga serve dog there. She pays what Bush. She pays. Doug. Grunting? How the fuck did you get here too? A funny story, really. In time. So one point on this journey these stop for rest, and they offered William a pickled beef sandwich. He was like I'm not gonna I've been eating dog. And I'm against English cuisine. Still I'm so not eating that. And then they watched as he walked over to a tree and Doug some bark beetle grubs out and just started eating them instead of protein. So they were like oh. That's a sandwich. He's eating beetles. Right. Beetle grubs. Are they like baby Beatles? You don't mania early? But he Beatles back. That's so he's different. He's different. Sure. Right. As a straight during the lunch break. So let's get that. So then when they got to the where be river, he was supposed to take them all the way to Geelong, and he just got to the river, and he just pointed when it's that way. And then he left now, it's was Dr. You swear to God. It's in here. Yeah. Get out. But it's too far to point and go. It's right there just took off. And they were maybe he's height. He could see it. But they couldn't there. Maybe. Now, some white man and some of the average lament from Sydney started getting a little too familiar with local women in tribes around the area. One woman away she was captured by shepherd and kept tied up. So William told Joseph jelly brand that the tribes didn't take a lot of shit when it came to their ladies, and that for everyone sake, this kinda shit should stop. So the shepherd fired and sent away and this is a warning for everyone to to behave. Captain Lonsdale came and assume command of the colony. He. William on is an interpreter and his attendance, but things were unraveling to shepherds try to kidnap average woman they were killed. That's right. But it doesn't actually researching. Well. Aboriginal man suspected of robbery was tied to a tree and shot. So things starting on rattle. There's more colonists coming the fucking cultures coming together. And then of course, this time there's tons of violence out in the frontier. Fucking Williams losing control. You couldn't do anything. He was trying. But he couldn't do it. So jelly brand in another solicitor left Geelong for Melbourne on horseback. But had not arrived yet and William and cement went to search and they all the tracks. And they found it tribe was camped and he questioned them, but the white guys got the middle, and they would try would only talk to William alone and the white guys wouldn't allow William to talk to the tribal loans. So instead of finding out what happened they left so then William ass Lonsdale. Go on his own Lonsdale said, yes. So the next day he went to get on his horse, but his horse have been hand strong. They cut the bottom lake probably not going to use that as a term relating to things. I'm going through anymore. You didn't know what that now? Yeah. Cut the cut the Killys hail on. Yep. Breakfast. Cook it up to me little salmon said. So we took a boat to Geelong, and it didn't take them long to find out an aboriginal man and his daughter had been shot and killed by other aboriginal men who were with jelly brand really bringing this strong home coming home. Everything's heating up the killings. Very much upset William he considered them atrocious. Acts of oppression in was becoming more and more disillusioned with this life. He was caught it seriously soon after an aboriginal man helped a new arrival a carpenter who had come into along. And as a reward the carpenter gave him an old coat in a pair of trousers. Great days later. He was wearing the clothes when newly-arrived ship captain. Oh, shit clam. The Cote belong to Mr. Hess who had vanished with jelly brand. The captain said the marks on the Cote arm, obviously blood and the aboriginal name was charged with murder. Now, William was made to be the interpreter by the court, and he took it upon himself to find the carpenter say went out, and searched and just by happenstance. He's holding the Cote he's talking to achieve constable and the carpenter walks buying goes, that's my jacket. My god. And the carpenter verifies that he'd given it to an aboriginal man on the spots weren't blood. They were paint because he was a carpenter. The aboriginal ma'am was released. Okay. But it was like freaked out get to keep the jacket. I think we're all wondering fate of the Jack around is not around to find matching pants was it a three piece what kind of carpenters painting a lot of your jurisdiction. I believe. Red table doesn't sound right. Does not. So William thinks obviously there's not a lot of trust happening here. And he's really he's got his finger on the Paul. But he's like pretty soon figures are gonna be pointed towards him, right? Just the Beadle he'll be the guy coat so to speak. He'll be Cody. So on December in December eighteen thirty seven he moved to Hobart town. He was living there. One day was given the free ticket to theater and at the end of the performance performer came over and asked if he'd like to sit on stage the next time they had a performance dollar said. Yes, this is what this is hopefully Hobart. He said absolutely the next day. He learned he was going to be quote exhibited as the huge Anglo Australian giant. She's so he declined the offer right? Title. He was appointed by assistant to the store keeper as the assistant to the store keeper at the immigrants home, and there he became friends with a family now the husband went to Sydney on a trip where he was killed. So William offered to marry the widow because that's what you do. Well, sure, how many times does he be married to those at this point. He has his angle to. Oh. Well, okay. Yeah. The first one was not actually his wife. They then he was widowed to her shortly after so it's correct. Yes. Double good. Sorry. They married in March eighteen forty she was super short. She couldn't even reach his arm. And they were walking, man. What's? Yeah. I mean cert- week. Yeah. I think she unless she was going for the shot off. Concrete Honey up maybe he had tiny arms. I would be great. Oh my God. They're just like a match made in Guinness Book heaven. Do you to talk about throwing a? That year when I came down with typhus is wife nursed him back, but he never fully recovered and eighteen fifty he was he was pensioned off his job at the female factory where they made females. He was receive only twelve pounds a year after. As pension he married. His life is narrated his life story to journalist which was published in eighteen fifty two as the life in adventures of William Buckley, thirty two years of wander amongst the aborigines of the then unexplored country around port, Phillip now the province, Victoria. That's like I think we've heard the book. Don't be a medicine. The hood was more. In the book. It stated without William. The settlers port Phillip would have had great difficulties. It also claimed sir. Richard bork. Had granted. York B O U R K is Burke book just checking. Like claim service. Your Burke had granted William two hundred acres of land. But he never got it. He was trying to shame. The government say wouldn't live his last days in poverty after the book came out of the Victorian government up his pension to forty pounds a year, which is still a tiny some because the gold rush was on just before Christmas. Eighteen fifty five William fell out of his carriage and lost the use of his limbs. So he didn't he didn't land. Well, yeah. The taller the tree. The big the fall. His wife was like finally, we can talk. Hello william. It's me. Your wife. Did nose so cool down here freezing. That's what I've been saying the whole time, I'm freezing so breezy. It's very breezy. And it's very cold. I've been very unhappy for our tire marriage. Good. God tall men. Just don't listen. On the of January. His case was quote diagnosed as hopeless who's the guy who comes over for that was bedside manner the shit, doctor, you're hopeless. What do I have Opelousas? It's over you've done you. Doug. Lost the dead to hopelessness. William Buckley died on January thirty for thirty first eighteen fifty six at the age of seventy six holy shit. It's pretty old for back then and for that tall as well. That's right. Giants. Giants usually lips around thirty. Yeah. Yeah. Because they got a lot more out of their got nothing. Especially fighting giants. Sure. Is that is this the one with the book where you got the book last minute is. No, no, no. It's a different one this sounded like auto biographical. This was he. Yeah. A lot of this came from his book. And then they were there. All bullshit going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then that one point we started beating chest. And they gave me a dog. I know crazy. They've never done it since you say William said, no. Don't t- to. Yes. So the stuff of him living out in in the wild. You have to believe his story. The other stuff that happens in Port Vila. Is it a little there's no other story to corroborate or corroborate as you would say. Gay. Boy, that's crazy. Yeah. It's not as. When I go to do this. Like going to be quite a journey with some pretty stuff. Not as dog is. I thought learn not that bad. I mean, it's interesting that someone we're going back to the star. Who booed William? Buckley? Remember to start? I was like oh cool. Maybe this is a really bad, dude. But he's not that bad is he? I think that he was sort of trapped between worlds. Well, that's what happens when you go to hell, and you come back you just get caught in between. But I think some people might seem as a bag. I some people might seem as good guy. He's one of those guys, you know, I think he did stuff on both sides that would make people go where he was a fucking asshole. Like how I feel about Trump. I think. Yeah. It's mostly good stuff. But then you realize like I mean, we like every other American love the policy seeing tweeting. We're sick of the tweeting. Yeah. But I mean, that's not. That's not him. He's great. 'cause I because I wanna live when the fire comes. Yeah. Yeah. I wanna come in the fire. But no, he I mean, he. I mean, he lived in interesting life, but it is also a story of colonialism. It is. One of those emails to come hard and fast is this. This. Yeah. Someone will get mad about something. Just Senate to Gary. Yep. Senate to Gary g mail. That's where we send all these things. Right there guys much for coming out. We really appreciate it truly.
The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds