20 Episode results for "Raquel"

Optimize Your Brain Health and Resolve Conflict with Raquel Younglove

The Wellthier Together Podcast

1:04:02 hr | 10 months ago

Optimize Your Brain Health and Resolve Conflict with Raquel Younglove

"Hello and welcome to season 3 episode 8 of the wealthier together broadcast during this podcast. I will be speaking with Raquel Young Love and we're going to go over a couple of months. You can optimize your brain health and resolve conflict Raquel young Club has been the founder and CEO of three different businesses in the health and wellness industry over the last 24 years. She specializes in optimization of the brain for Peak Performance in all things life and is a coach speaker and a media guests Raquel provides rain optimization services with a non traditional form of neurofeedback and is a certified neuroptimal neurofeedback trainer and representative. She offers sessions locally in Colorado Springs office as well as providing at home rentals and support for sales to clients and businesses worldwide. She is one of less than 30 representatives in over a month. 14 countries for neuroptimal additionally Raquel is a speaker and coach in the area. She is passionate about and is found to bring wholeness to not only her life but took those she shares her wisdom and knowledge with she helped individuals from anger frustration loneliness heartache disconnect and self-sabotage to Clarity and understanding of self and others Raquel is certified as a strategic intervention in an advanced relationship coach through Robbins mundanes strategic intervention as well as being certified as an integrative wellness and life coach through the integrative Wellness Academy and is also a member of the association for conflict resolution Raquel helps clients move from a place of struggle disconnect and conflict within themselves and in relationship with others to a place of empowerment positive communication wage. And action steps to take them towards what they want to achieve she has training. Yes, but more importantly she has a lifetime of personal experience that no classroom teach no matter the trial or tribulation. She doesn't see challenges as obstacles but only opportunities to learn and grow and become better as a result of whatever life brings home girl has spent twenty six years determined to gain insight into human nature what makes us take and what does not what we can expect from others and what we can only expect from ourselves home supervise tried-and-true simple and effective solutions to take individuals from combat to connection. She has had a clients come for services from over thirty to stay home and three different countries for her Services. She has a conviction that life is not just to be survived but that we can Thrive no matter what adversity process are packed. She helps individuals dog. Couples and families moved from being AB series and opposing forces to Bringing out the best in each other and thus forming bonds deeper than most of us could ever could have ever dreamed of choice. She helps individuals understand their uniqueness and that of those around them to then formulate strategies that help break through the barriers standing in the way of mental emotional physical and relational when repeal is not helping others. She enjoys time with her son working out creating new adventures and special moments. She also enjoys traveling reading camping and glamping and always always learning so welcome Raquel. How are you doing this morning? Hi, dr. Blessing. I'm doing well. Thank you. How are you? I am doing well. Let's have a little bit more about your story. Like who are you? Why why do you do what you're doing? Sure. So I guess just to to go off. Way back as is unfortunately pretty common for a lot of us. I am a child of divorce my parents divorced when I was eight months was a lot of conflict in that my entire childhood and even into adulthood and I was always I guess no matter what I still always had the conviction, but I just knew I could be happy that no matter what's going on with the people around you we can still create our own world. So I just automatically you know, self-development self-improvement is just always been a huge part of who I am and it's just been years and years of study of observing the people around us to to how do we get to where we get? How is it that you know, love goes bad relationship goes bad. There's conflict people can't communicate. They can't understand. Each other and it just goes from love to bad to worse to worse and every, you know, people become opposing forces instead of teams and tribes that work together. So there was that aspect and you know, I've always been incredibly passionate about health and wellness 48 my back was broken a car accident when I was fifteen months when I was Twenty-One. I underwent a back surgery. That was a huge failure the last twenty-seven years. I've got a hole in my spine at in my low back at three levels where a fusion Choice failed and I've got three out of six broken screws. And so there's you know, there's the determination and mindset to over overcome that and how can you still have a quality life in spite of that? So there's all those things that have just created such a mental emotional determination of how can I create a good life than a good World in spite of birth? Cities obstacles or things going on with other people or so-called odds against me physically and just a strong determination in in that throughout that journey. I kept having people tell me that I had a gift within my early twenties. I had people telling me that I had a gift and helping people shift their perspective change their mindset. I'm kind of a rural girls. So that was hard to embrace and so I ended up I was also told that if I ever had if I if I ever had a child, I'd be paralyzed because of my bat so that was out the window too. And so I was getting out my nurturing by part of my journey being rescuing side traumatized wolves or about Seventeen years. I ended up living off-grid camping for 4 years. No running water just a wild little journey, but just such a passion for service and helping And eventually one day I woke up and I thought I recognized I was like, oh my gosh, you do have a gift of helping in your kind of out here with animals and just the heart to serve. It's like I do need to help more people. It was the most traumatized child wolves that I worked with which is interesting because now a huge Heart part of practice major portion of my practice with clients is with trauma. And so it's about meeting people where they're at helping them and bite-size pieces that works for them. When I finally accepted that I was supposed to get out there and help people more is when I came across the brain work and when I learned of it it was just kind of a fluke that I learned of it off but the minute I heard of it it just resonated. Oh my gosh with a gifts and skills that I have and knowledge Insight wisdom, but then you also couple it with Bob. Optimizing the brain and getting out of, Pathways. This could be such a powerful pairing. And so I ended up doing sessions. I had lost five loved ones in five months time and off. I was still running my business and everything, but that extreme light and I don't light and I don't know almost like a m as in your spirit in this ability to naturally sore. I was still I was kind of trudging through it was a struggle and so needless to say I tried the sessions and he was done. I ended up saying it was the best gift I've ever given myself the best thing I never spent my money on and so then I started working with a brain and working with clients and I've been working with brain optimization for thirteen years. I work with veterans who work with children and and brain injury from you know, there's a focus attention. Society all these different things and so it's just all kind of come full circle. I guess one of the other things that that happened out of that is the first the the coaching was kind of intermingled in the brain work. But as as I worked with more and more people would I started to recognize was that is the brain is optimized will come to a new state of being all of a sudden, you know, we're all working off of what the environment we've known our own, you know, the information we know when the break comes optimized and all of a sudden it's like, whoa, I'm not going to respond negative or angry or be reactive like that anymore. I saw clients be like, okay, I'm not going to do that anymore. But what do I do then home? And so that's when it also became you know, and it was a passion and desire of mine, but I just recognized almost was like a gap where the coaching fills in to home. In that wholeness is that is the person evolves it's to then give them tools skills and strategy to start learning to connect in a positive way or communicate and objective way or recognize, you know, help them identify how they can go after goals and dreams in truly recognize their the creator of their own reality and yet here I am in a nutshell. I think that's really important that you mentioned kind of like your story cuz a lot of people don't take into account the fact experiences that you go through if you embrace them and decide to learn from them instead of becoming bitter and kind of isolating yourself, it can help you help others home. And so I really like the way the kind of your story comes around full full circle and now you're using those experiences and then your natural gifts and talents to help others wage. Demise there well change their mindset shift their perspective and then optimize their brain. I don't think people make that connection with the brain optimization and the fact that it plays a huge role in mindset. So I think that that's good. You've tied kind of the mind and the body into that. Yeah, absolutely. And and I guess actually probably a pretty important piece that I forgot, you know, really just to say also I recognize the struggle in life didn't come to me all you know, the so I guess I would say there were things against me and so it's always been I always has said you can learn from them as well as positive. Even from negative. You can learn. Oh, wow. I don't that's how I don't want to be or what I don't want to be and so then you explore. Well, what do I want to be then and so I you know after just the experience of my childhood I thought I will never have a child of divorce what I did end up getting married and having a child and I am just blessed beyond measure. I have one of the easiest pregnancies ever and my son is now eleven and does amazing and I made it through and but sadly dead. The the marriage was was not healthy for me. I needed to get out and next thing, you know, I found myself in this thing where there's conflict as well and I had it just put me into even a higher gear to say there is no way this can be my son's life. I and and I think one of the biggest I guess there's been a lot of big lessons in my life. But one of the biggest ones was finally getting it through my head. We cannot change the people around us. We're not going to we can't change how the very back to respond or try to control what they say or how they do certain things really are only power but yet the most incredible power ever is within us in Scottsburg. So determined how can I make it so we can get along how can we make it so that I don't trigger him or I don't whatever and that wasn't by tiptoeing around him, but it was dead. Learning healthy communication to where I could help Dee Dee escalate things keep us both calm have him respect me saying deep breath deep breaths. It's okay wage and and me acknowledging what he was he was perspective was and then being able to speak mine and then say hey, we're on the same team. Let's just you know, it's all for the greater good of our son. Let's come up with a solution and let's not be adversaries. And and now we get along absolutely amazing. So, you know just a ton of heartache and pain and trial and tribulation there, but an intense determination to say no, I don't believe it has to stay this way and I don't think he changed but I learned how to take more control and speak and healthier ways. I mean it was for my good and every every relationship I come across that now, you know, my life is a better quality and it and it definitely changes. World and then the life of my son and so that's where I was such a passion to help parents and their kids and couples and all of that so and yeah it is it is the mind. In fact is what we focus on and it is recognizing that we can create what we want and and the Brain optimization comes in where we get stuck we get stuck from trauma. We get struck stuck from these past experiences that were really challenging and the the brain is thinks it needs to protect us and hold us there to get us through today. And that's where the brain optimization basically steps in and Thursday. No, wait a minute. Look at the present moment. There's a better way we can handle this. So it kind of helps it helps set the brain up for Peak Performance. So then we can Implement all these things more easily home and stay in that positive place. And so possibly be in stock. So strongly in in the pathways and connections of the past. That's really true. And it takes a lot of work to re-work those Pathways like you were saying like with your communication before you made that decision that I'm going to that you were going to change the way you viewed the way you communicated with your ex just of course for the better of your son, but I have noticed and I'm not a counselor, but I've noticed that people get into people have divorces or just in general people always want to change the other person. No one ever wants to take responsibility for their part. I did a presentation a while back and I was talking about how to someone asked a question about work-life balance. And what do you do when all of your coworkers are toxic and I was like, you can't control them. The only thing you can do is shift your personal perspective or change what you do or leave the job and the person was not thrilled with my answer and I was like, you cannot change another human being dead. I know. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. And I mean and that was the ironic thing to me that I say to you know that I share with my clients is I just have an automatic response system of taking responsibility. Like one of the things I've had to battle is being more responsible for others than they were for themselves. That was a huge growth point in my journey home. And so what's so bizarre is even a person such as myself who automatically is saying what's my partners? What's my part? That's what's my part. I still went through that period where it's like well if he would just this and he would just that and so it's not to say it's just like an automatic response system and we're seeing where we wish they would do it different but it's like the beautiful thing is is it's just focus inside instead and say where what can I learn where can I grow when you start to change your behavior? It automatically has a ripple effect if you're not going to be react. Benny most Channel and you know defensive and all this or that other person they can't fight with you unless you fight with them. So worst case they're standing there maddalone, but then I you didn't become part of a problem which then means you could also see the problem more clearly rather than it being muddled because everybody went into this crazy. That's that's true. And one thing you mentioned is taking time and being intentional in our society as we see in all areas. Everyone is like just triggered by any little thing off anyone that can trigger You by just saying one or two words or whatever that person has control over you and one of the hardest things for especially in personal development. One of the main things to do is to control your emotions and not allow them to drive you wild and to react at every little thing because everything doesn't need a reaction right? And so I think home General cuz people do not communicate. Well, we refer to past hurts or wounds from childhood, like automatically know people were not aware of it. It just like happens and then people will respond wage. But what you're seeing is people need to be intentional need to recognize you help them identify those patterns so they can shift it and then not allow their emotions or other people to trigger them for how long for no apparent reason, right? Exactly. Exactly. And it's it's so freeing and it brings so much health to your life and every way 4-H you and I can see like a lot of people there A lot of people that are suffering from all these different emotional issues. And I think it's because of unexamined patterns from childhood that either they will not face don't want to face or don't know that it's something to be addressed. And so I think that again that it's really important. I really like what you're doing and helping people kind of make those reframes then also optimize their brains which affects their physical health. So I think that's really good. So what are some ways that listeners can optimize their brains for Peak Performance, whether it's, the resolution internal conflict whatever it is, what are like one or two things that they can do today to help them do that one or two things. Let me see. You know, the first thing that comes to mind is quiet time this, you know, our information is coming in so fast. And Furious that the brain just hasn't even evolved at a level to be able to keep up with us being on technology all the time. And so, you know to turn the TV to turn off the radio turn off the music put the cellphone down close the computer and you know, we all I mean, it's just smacked not all of us here about Metta meditation and the value of that and I agree wholeheartedly but I will also say we're all busy and as much as I fit the vast majority of everything in every day, I you don't meditate every day, but to just have quiet so our brain doesn't constantly have information coming in and inundating it can make a world of a difference whether it's I mean I even recommend, you know, the dinner table quiet time connecting if quiet time is at least just take off. Walk and not having the headphones on and not having to learn something or not being, you know talking to somebody on the phone. It's an opportunity for the brain to kind of organize itself and quiet down and get rid of some of the Clutter which affects our entire well-being if we're more clear again, if you wanted them take it to the relationship whether it's relationship or job performance school performance having that time is going to help us be more present in whatever we're doing and therefore do a better job and feel more fulfilled about the outcomes. So, you know, I would say the quad quiet time. Even our nutrition is really important for brain nutrition even as much as I do with my own self care and I do sessions the brain sessions and whatnot. The nutrition still completely critical and if if a brain isn't getting nutrients to help it function and we're going to be emotional we're going to have hard time focusing we're going to struggle in our job relationships school and just so even some simple ideas or tips on that are are leafy green veggies or like kale spinach broccoli fish like tuna and salmon or nuts. It's funny. They talk about walnuts a lot and ironically walnuts even kind of look like the brain brain foods. I always think that's kind of kind of interesting and then even are berries strawberries blueberries raspberries can just help give our brain the fuel it needs. So we can function better. Those are good tips quiet time. This is and I definitely understand cuz it takes me my brain is always going a hundred miles per hour Wireless of the time of day, but a lot of people have this fear of sitting alone with their thoughts cuz I've suggested suggested is to some clients are like why I always feel distracted wage and I'm like well unplug just unplug everything. It doesn't have to be for a week do it for hours something manageable that you can do and then you know Lane thing the time but people have such difficulty sitting alone with themselves without any distractions can cuz we have programmed ourselves to always be on either a cellphone like you were saying talking to someone whatever it is. Well, it's exactly true. And and that's where I always I always say bite-size pieces. You know, I'm always always of the focus off. Let's set you up for Success. You set you up for Success, so don't jump in and saying and how were you going to half an hour? Even if it's if you're really not used to it at all then give yourself ten minutes and and again, I mean even meditation can be active meditation for me lots of times. It's when I'm working out. I'm just in the quiet of my own headspace, you know, or it could be again while you're walking or even while you're doing the dishes and so I think if you know, if we don't put our it's it's to not be too rigid of things aren't sustainable or that we are driving it, but if we can I if we the more we tap into ourselves and do things realistically in ways off. That can work with who we are and other things we need to do then it doesn't feel like something that's a drudgery or that we're hating doing or that it's impossible wage trying to do it too long. And the other thing I would say is to it was I tell clients if you you know, it's great to practice the quiet mind but if your mind is just crazy then just become an observer. So but act like you're sitting up in the bleachers and you're just watching these thoughts go all around you but let them flow through instead of getting attached to Olive or so. It's not to say you have to shut your mind off and don't frustrate yourself or make yourself anxious that way but just become an observer and let it flow through rather than like you have to be an active participant of everything that's flying through it. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, so you mentioned your non-traditional neurofeedback services. So what is that and why is it a non-traditional? So the I have involved with the technology over the last over the last thirteen years the technology that I used before because I work with so many people with trauma. I found it could be missing in working with the central nervous system in the aspect of the fight-or-flight freeze response for people that have been through trauma. I would see the brain mentally emotionally off the clients were just do amazing. But if anything looked like that prior trauma, it was like physically their body was trying to talk their brain injury to being frightened. It's like your brain would say no. I'm okay. I'm okay, but the body is like no emergency emergency. So I'm evolving. I just found that as a missing link and I was searching and searching and a dog. More workouts. Is it getting the adrenaline out all this stuff and it still it just wasn't hitting the mark and so, you know to the degree. I thought I knew it needed to for for more wholeness and so, in searching and seeking I came across neuroptimal which is the non-traditional form of neurofeedback. I use now and it works it is the mental emotional physical aspect of helping to bring us to the present moment Peak Performance the difference between the neurofeedback that I use and traditional neurofeedback is most forms of working with the brain and and traditional neurofeedback included. It's there's a point where the practitioner is trying to influence the brain with frequencies saying, oh you're anxious. Let's change these frequencies so that now you're not old and also the client has to kind of catch themselves change themselves. They're watching a video or they're they've got a job. Video game going if they're thinking the right way the Pac-Man stops moving or if they're seeking the wrong way the Pac-Man stops moving or the the movie stops playing and so they're trying to figure out how to do things the right way for people who are already frustrated because they can't focus or their minds racing and all of these things that can be even more frustrating and it can also take up to a hundred sessions and up to a year for clients to notice results the form of neurofeedback. I use it's not client dependent and it's not practitioner dependent meaning we offer the practitioner is has no influence on the brain. What's happening is the brain is observing itself. There's sensors placed on the scalp. There's a buds playing relaxing Nature music in the ears. And what happens is the sensors are reading the energy from the brain sending it to the computer the computers observing wage. Does this seem super overactive underactive if it is then the only feedback to the brain is that they'll be like what kinds referred to as like a little skips sound in the music and off. So there's no push. There's no manipulation that will skip sound is just like an attention-getter to the brain. Like if I right now go like this and my desk you here that you'd be like. Oh, what was that Soulja skip sound is like an attention-getter to the brain like that saying look at yourself. Are you a Peak Performance in the present moment. Are you in a state of comfort? Is this the ideal place for you? Are you all over the place? And these past triggers worry fear anxiety is different things and if the brain recognizes it's not if Peak Performance, then it will start creating conditions that will help bring it to comfort in the present moment. So it helps us get unstuck in that way another analogy. I always use is like going down the highway you hit that Rumble strip and it's like I'll get back in my Lane. You know doing for the brain to help it come back to the present moment. So for me, that's I just think I wouldn't want anybody messing with my brain and trying to tell me that my set point is supposed to be the same as the person next to me. Cuz I think we are also unique and some people are more calm and some are more energetic and and so that's almost assumed that you know, that energetic person is oh my gosh your over-the-top. That's way too much. Well, maybe that's just beautifully imperfectly how they were designed to be virgins me, you know a little bit more quiet whatever and so to judge and say, oh that's wrong for you. That's why this is happening. Our brain is the most, you know, internet computer system on the planet and home quite honestly. I personally just want to get out of my own way. I think Let Me Get Out of My Own Way You observe me with your infinite intelligent and you bring me to the best version log? So that's what makes us different is there's just no no push no influence. We're not trying to make everybody the same and and thinking that that would be the rights that point for anybody. That's really interesting. I never I mean I've heard of neurofeedback but I didn't haven't really studied it. I didn't realize that there was a practitioner feedback and like you were saying people are uniquely made. So one person let's say some people tend to be more on the anxious side. The only thing is it depends on if they're anxious outside of boundaries where it seemed to affect their life. So all of our little quirks is what they are make us who we are and I think it's better to enable or provide an environment with them brains can reset themselves instead of having someone else kind of speaking into it. That sounds kind of manipulative to me, but that's just me and I like how you mentioned that skip sound that occurs that song. Back to the brain. So it's kind of like a pattern disrupt. So if someone is starts thinking negatively the brain can be correct itself cuz usually when let's say someone's having a good day and one bad thing happens, you know how people will I mean the bad thing seems larger than the good and all the good that happen and so the things and we start to focus on that bad thing, but if someone comes or like if you're sneaky have a friend that's like hey, but that's not so bad that person's input is a pattern disrupt just the way like that. Skip is a pattern disrupt to the brain to say. Hey, we're not going to do along that. What are we doing now? Like you said, what are we doing a where we now in the present and I think that is a more effective for me and I'm not an expert in it. I think that's a more effective way because the brain can self-correct off solutely. It can self-correct. Yeah. Yeah. So thanks for explaining that because I ate really probably need to look into it a little bit more. I never realize that's what neurofeedback was but dead. So how does interact personal conflict affect the brain so usually we look at the relationships between others bedded in the day our relationship with ourselves? That's really what impacts our relationship with others? Yeah, you know, I love that question. And it's it's a it's a powerful question because the reality is is from most all of us. I mean most situations that intrapersonal conflict is lots of times created from our experience and Truth is a lot of that from the environment from how the world is modeled around with us when we're kids. And so whether it's our sense of self-worth, whether it's how we respond to if we haven't, you know if we make a choice Steak or have an accident or how we're shown we should be critics of our body or all of those different things our environment around us his taught us what to believe to a large degree about ourselves. And and I guess just because I I think we've got a lot of women would be mom's listening. You know, I'll give a really powerful example is just the fact that if we as a mom if we're cutting our bodies down or were, you know talking about how we don't think we're good enough or we don't like this about us or we don't like that about us. That's what our girls and boys to be open. That's what her girls are then observing about how to look at themselves or how to critique themselves and that becomes their intrapersonal dialogue. Value waiting themselves and as we all know the next thing, you know, that's affecting our interpersonal relationships. And so, you know, I think that's where a lot of it begins but like it's hard bear with me here. It's hard for me not to try to to share this us as parents to just try to be so aware that every way wage act react and interact is showing our kids how to respond to the world around them. It's no different than you know, if we drop something and we're like, oh gosh darn it you believe you did that or can't believe I did that. That's how our kids are going to learn to respond versus. You know, I used to I was pretty pretty hardly when I was a kid and I you know, I had that tendency towards a perfectionist. Of course. I'm never going to get there but that was a that was being pretty rough on yourself and then my son comes along and knowing what I do about the birth. It was like, oh my gosh, I would never want him to do this to himself. And so for him I started I was like, I can't let him be hard on him like that. I you know, I just want to be healthy and balanced and and so if I drop something to be like, oh silly, silly, silly mama and what's so ironic number one is actually changed. It's just a prime example of how we can change our patterns it changed it to where I now have so much more grace for myself. But also now, you know, it's funny cuz in a few years, you know several years later. We were getting out of the car, you know, he must have been maybe 7 or something or getting out of the car groceries fell out a glass jar broke and I go oh no, and he says what and I suck as a spaghetti just splattered All Over Heels. Oh, that's okay silly Mama. We can just clean it up. There it is. Like if if you would have seen main, you know dead. Angry frustrated intolerant is accidents happened along the way that is how he would be living in his world. And so and I guess we don't even have to focus on kids if we feel that even with adult, you know, Partners friends, whatever we're constantly modeling options are examples of how to respond to things around us. So you should change your interpersonal dialogue, but it's also to be really a way or how we got there in and it is going to it's going to play a big part in interpersonal conflict because all those things are going to be triggered sensitivities and tolerances and and so the more we can work to get healthy and balanced and accepting and loving to ourselves and those around us is going to be a big ripple effect to then our relationships being a better quality. That is very true. And it's really interesting how all of everyone's patterns go back to Childhood they do and most of the triggers are things from childhood that have nothing to do with the person's partner friend or whoever they're having a disagreement with is they say something maybe it takes them back to who knows when and then it triggers a response. So like you mentioned earlier, I think it's important to I don't think it's good to dwell. But you people especially if you're going to kind of reframe the way you talk to yourself, which is one of the big wage areas that most people have to work on you have to understand the roots. What caused that what is triggering those particular responses? What is triggering the negative self worth or the negative or talking to yourself? And like I think it was funny how you mentioned your son was like, oh we can clean that up silly mama like People think that kids don't notice things they notice everything bubble. I have to say they notice everything and yeah, it's really important to allow them to I think childhood is really a time where kids are discovering who they are their different personalities, but a lot of times parents will have like expectations off and then people will get into adulthood and they're like, I don't know who I am. I don't know how to respond to this or that and so I like the way that you said, you've created a healthier environment for your son came to do that and also know that if something does go wrong that's a part of life. He doesn't need to be down on himself or be very critical that okay. We'll get through this exactly God. Yeah and kids that have that environment or actually more resilient than others who internalize these, you know mistakes or things that they've made or have someone respond to them have a parent responds them. Parts way so I think it's I don't have kids but I can still use this, you know, you know, cuz I have friends that have kids. I have friends that you know have things that you know happened in childhood. So I think it's just way too kind of reframe how we really respond to other people. We don't know if we get on the conversation if they're responding from their five year old self, which we have no clue what is going on so we can be more understanding of them, right? Yes. Definitely. Okay. So the next question is how does interpersonal relationship relationship with others or interpersonal conflict conflict with others affects the brain? Well, that's why I sigh because it does it's so damaged not only to us but our relationships suck and is that that's that thing when we're in again just like you're saying a lot of it comes from childhood so that it becomes the way our brain is connect up in the way it's firing. But if we're triggered and our brain, you know, we our brains have evolved to where we have a greater Consciousness inability to process and connect and all of those things basically evolving from a Reptilian Brain aspect. Like literally if you just think survival mode, this is about life or death, you know back to the caveman. Um it literally there's been a point of evolution but when we're triggered when we're reactive if we're engaging in a fight if we're if we're creating it or whether we respect Ending to something that feels harsh and painful our executive functioning where we have this higher reasoning and ability to understand and decision-making and all of these things it literally shut down and we're back to that Reptilian Brain of fight-or-flight response or freezer response and it's interesting. I you know, probably people know but then maybe they don't, you know, if we think of a conflict lots of times we're thinking about that mental and emotional intensity, but it is doing an incredibly painful number on our bodies to when we're in the adrenalin and stress cortisol, you know, that's only supposed to be for short blips when the lion really is chasing us, but if we're in constant conflict and having you know off major confrontations on a regular basis or being you know, super reacted with our partners or parents or kids starts to be that are by is just in the stress State on a job. You are basis and what that's doing is hijacking the primary functions of our brain and our body to say I have you know, I don't care about rest and relax anymore. I don't worry about your focus your memory your ability to sleep. We've got an emergency to take care of and so essentially you're weakening yourself from True health and creating dizzy disease or dis-ease in the body. And that's where you start to get into, you know, your immune system's down. There's you know potential for cancer your digestion, you know often doesn't work as well adrenal fatigue all of these different things and so it's such a bath. It's Paramount as much as anybody's interested in doing it to try to recognize the more we can help get ourselves regulated wage. Patient and calm and able to manage those emotions manage our response system create balance and everyday life and so we're not in this office overwhelmed and stress response and conflict. It's for the Health and Longevity of life. It just can't be overstated the value of it and not aware whether it's the brain optimization or whether it's learning new tools skills strategies for healthy ways of interacting with others. It can be a life-changer for for quality and in health That's definitely true. I think a lot of people separate it. They think that oh conflict there and doesn't affect their health, but Studies have shown that it does. If you are around people who you are ambivalent towards or people who you don't trust it affects your blood pressure your cortisol levels go up. Absolutely. And so I think it's really interesting that the body is responding regardless of what we're thinking is going on. The body is still responding. So I think that really looking at the way that our emotions affect our body our spiritual health all of those things just like you said earlier you're talking about the goal is wholeness and I think that a lot of people like to figure, you know, play with just one area and think that all the rest will fall into place and that's not true have to be intentional In all those areas and not not saying all the same time cuz like you said bite-sized pieces. So you have to your goal should be wholeness not just you know Improvement in one area, right? Yes. So what are two ways that listeners can handle conflict and communicate clearly in relationships because communication is a big one big one that most of us need help with right, you know, I think one of one of the biggest thing yes. To think big picture A keep in mind big picture and so say for instance. Somebody says something and you're you're drastically triggered off and you have this wrong, you know, this this responsive. Well there I asked him to do this project and now they're huffing and puffing and you know, they're mad and they're angry and then we start to get caught up in the in in how they're doing it. I always say keep your eyes on the big picture and think what am I feeling? What do I want to feel and what can I do to create the outcome I need and so for a lot of us we lose sight of the fact that dead everybody's not going to do things perfectly as we want in the way to get to the Final Destination. But if we keep our eyes on the final destination in in really even allow people around us to have a bad moment to have a difficult, you know, maybe they do have a little bit of an attitude your kid or your husband or whatever when you're saying we need to do you know, and there's that Scurry to keep your eyes on the big picture of what needs to be done instead of being reactive to wage every detail along the way that it's that somebody didn't say something perfectly the way you wanted to or you do know that they were frustrated. Well, okay, let them be frustrated Ed. But if they're still working on it and they're still working towards that bigger picture than keep your eyes on that and then when they're done, you can even you can even be so kind as to say I know that was kind of hard for you or frustrating. I know that's more my thing than your thing. But thank you. I really appreciate your help. But lots of times we the big pictures even being accomplished but next thing you know, we're going back to our kids are a partner in San Jose and yeah and appreciate your bad attitude or don't you know when it's like we really need to cut each other slack for some of those things along the way that they're just going to do differently or maybe they are frustrated but they're still stepping up to the plate. So, you know don't beat each other up about those things compassion is definitely a very important and like you said six compassion and when you have a lot of people they just they project what they do for themselves on others. So if you're compassionate with yourself, hopefully you can be compassionate with others down. And allow other people to be human again, I think it's a tendency especially in people who tend to be or have perfectionist Tendencies. I don't like labels people who have perfectionist Tendencies to demand Perfection. But the thing is that that's not there is no Perfection. You can shoot towards Excellence, but there's a difference between excellence and Perfection and so, you know Excellence allows you to allow other people to step up even though you know, maybe the first time they do something they may not do it. Well that's part of the human that's quite a human off its process and people get better at things with time. And so if someone is trying burning them is not the best thing to do cuz they will respond in a negative manner home. Yes. Absolutely. You just broke down the team two things people can do to go from self-sabotage to Clarity in their lives. You know, I think I think the first thing is because we all we all have this automatic response that if our feelings are hurt or Thursday, we don't like so something is going or went down. It's a tendency to pull away, you know, the brain immediately says ouch this hurts when we start to pull away and so I I think it's to ask yourself is this whatever you're about ready to say or whatever action you're about ready to take, you know calling away from somebody or saying something negative to somebody it's too it's too simply ask yourself. Is this taking me towards what I want or taking me away from what I want because if you asked itso yourself a question and then you say okay. I don't I really don't want to be farther away. What I really need is a hug. And if you then respond in that way, you're you've totally taken over self-sabotage and in in just wiped it out so that you didn't actually do more and more damage. So I would say it's the question of asking yourself is this taking me towards what I want or away from what I want. The only thing I think is just consistency. I hear so many people whether it's the workout plan whether it's the relationship or the diet, whatever it is in it goes back to a talking about the Perfection of perfectionism is if all of a sudden we have the extra cheat meal or we miss the workout or the person doesn't respond exact like we want so then we're not sure if they really receiving our our love or are caring then immediately. It's like we just plummet and go into this. I just can't do this. This is no good job. You know into those those self-sabotage messages and actions in the reality is consistency. If we I am not sure there's I mean you can do almost everything with consistency. And so it's to say it's so what if you fall off the way I get any way to cheat meals or treat meals this weekend off know what your plan is and just pick it right back up the next day consistency will equal results. So it's to stay out of extremes and be consistent and being loving anyway, consistent and being patient. Anyway, consistent in picking that meal plan right back up or getting right back into that work out when we when we start to think we're going to suck. I'm a failure because I messed up no, no, no, no, no just be consistent and results come in everything. I really haven't seen it be any different my word I am. Typically do New Year's resolutions, but my new year I had a New Year's resolution word and it was consistency and you know, I was having an open flow in my workouts and walk in and even projects and work that I'm not hurt my favorite parts and it was like consistency consistency. That's my word for the year and it has made such a big difference that I'm getting a much more done and I'm not losing the time being discouraged or overwhelmed. This is bite size pieces every single day and it adds up that's true and I bet it's less stressful wage. It's been so much better. And again what you're mentioning is I know they say progress not Perfection, but I think we really need to change. Well, we can make a change and make it process not Perfection when you realize that something is a process if you fall off the wagon for your cheat meal. You're not going to plummet into emotional turmoil. You're like, okay, this is part of the process. There's going to be a day where I eat three cupcakes instead of just one. Okay rock, you know, this is life. I'm going to enjoy these three cupcakes and move along there's tomorrow. And so I think that and for me it's difficult. So I'm not trying to say it's easy process. It's very difficult for me to embrace wage cuz I'm just like I need to see the result today, which is not is not how it works. But I think if we look at process not Perfection like when a child is walking learning to walk you don't berate the child at least normal people don't while it's crawling and it gets up on the couch and they know tries to take a step towards you you're not like why are you walking like everyone celebrates and them? Oh my goodness little baby Johnny is walking towards us or trying to walk they cheer. So I think that if we take that approach cuz it's the same thing just different area if we take that off. Roach and we chair or cheer or get people that hold us accountable and cheer for those those small things that we overlooked and don't think are important. I think that people would definitely I would make it easier for people to be more consistent and decrease the amount of time people spend discouraged overwhelmed beating up themselves and then reactivating those are kind of thought processes. Right. Yeah, and you know, I love that you said that because that's one of the things I am often saying to my clients is well is it's a process not an event month. So, you know along those the same lines. So what steps can listeners take to move from being in an ineffective or even hostile Communicator to be in a better Communicator? Cuz some people, you know can be more direct but some people are just downright hostile and they communicate with others. So if someone is having that issue and they're like, how do I fix this? What is one or two things they can do to to be better. You know, I think the I think the the number one thing is weird too quickly reactive with our technology with all of a sudden Sharon that off first emotion in the text to tell everybody, you know exactly what we think in that moment and and whatnot. And so I always say it's ask my you know, whether it's yourself that you need not regulate or whether you've got somebody coming at you pretty fast and furious. It's to say is this life and death is somebody just get in a car accident. Is there a hospital I need to go to most of the time the answer is going to be know and if that answer is no almost without fail. We could wait twenty-four hours before responding. So we're not engaged in with them when a hostile or hyperactive. We're not responding when were e motional because the reality is is again that executive executive functioning is shutting down in the brain so we can't even hear him. Each other and so to pause and reflect on you know, we ask yourself again those questions. What am I feeling? What am I meeting? What I really want then by the time we communicate we are going to be able to be clear understanding and be so much more productive in that conversation. And in the office said, you know aspect say that you know, so if it's business or it's a friend by text or you know, it's a word adults but we're dealing with our adult parents and we're triggered with the holidays coming up here and that type of thing so that process can work but then let's say what if it is your spouse or your kid and all of a sudden there's this heated conversation going on. It's it's off to to literally pause again is this urgent do I really need to argue with my spouse right now about that vacation and two weeks or a month and if the dog Sir is no this is not a life-or-death situation. Then it's to even say to them I care about you. I don't have my thoughts in order right now. I don't want to say anything that would hurt us off. So I'm going to take a time out and I'll be back. You know, we can talk about it, whatever time lots of times and then let's let's dig into that a little bit deeper though many people can have that rejection trigger then so you got one person wanted to I need to talk about it right now. The other person say no. No, this is going to go bad. We need a time out. So the thing to do them often times is again, let that person know I care about you, but I just need to go collect my thoughts and I say so they don't you don't have to have panic button of them like but when are you coming back and are you ever coming back is to say, I'll be back in two hours and we'll try to talk about when we're more calm or we'll talk about it tomorrow or when would be a better time for us to talk about this. So that's the way in if if God They won't stop it's to say I'm going to walk away. I love you. I care about you too much to argue with you and you just don't engage. That's where it kind of back to the beginning. What about it's recognizing to take our own power instead of thinking we can control that other person or even putting the expectation on them that they can control themselves. I mean, all of that is self care for yourself, but also caring for the relationships so that people don't have to walk away or have have regrets afterwards. It's it's to prevent the fact that we can do if we're doing it in the Heat of the Moment. I think that's really good what you just mentioned and especially I never really thought about the rejection trigger. I never would have thought about that because I don't like conflict. So if I if I may have some sort of conflict and I'm angry I have to take time away because I am responsible for what I say, but I'm not going to regret it. So that's why I have to tell people look we need to do this some other time cuz I know I can be quick. Like you said you got a pause. I can be quick when I say things and it can be pretty cutting right? I don't think about what I'm going to say wage, but I never really realized that someone else can view that as rejection instead of protection from what crazy is going to come out of my mouth. So that is Jose really really good enough for now. I'll think about that and then exactly in our society. The news is on constantly people are just just spewing all sorts of ridiculous emotions out on others and I think that if especially on Twitter or other social media or just in real life that people take 24 hours our society would not be as Disturbed and unbalanced as it is and people wouldn't have as many emotional scars from people cuz a lot of times people will lash out at whoever's closest not the person that actually record whatever emotion so I think that that is something that is important taking that pause and then if Well, I would assume that if you were in a relationship, hopefully you would have communicated enough to know I guess it would depend on the stage of the relationship whether or not that person has a rejection trigger, but also took some communication is difficult in that may not be something that's voiced but taking into account that hey my stepping away this person maybe this as rejection and then sitting them is fine. Hey, let's revisit this in two hours or like the example that you gave because I think that that is I think if people just do this pause and wait or give it 24 hours that we would I mean all be more emotionally healthy feel more stable be less triggered. Our hormones would actually be balanced. So I think that's definitely important. Thanks for bringing that up ever. That's when I didn't think about yeah, you know real quick off. I had to take it to the other the other side of it why it can be so important to say when will log Back together because you also have the people who come from those childhoods where they didn't want conflict and you have people to give a silent treatment for two three days 7 Days same time. And so it's also to make it that that so you get people who don't like conflict who will then either endlessly give the silent treatment or just never have the conversation again, so that also because we're never connecting we're never solving these things. So it's also to reel them and say, okay you get your time out you get your quiet, but I am going to be able to count off fact that in twenty-four hours you are going to try to sit down with me again and we are going to try to do this so it can go extreme that way as well. And so it's to try to kind of real everybody off in a healthy way giving them certainty and security about how everybody's going to come back together and and try to be a team try to be a family And can come up with Solutions. That is a good one too silent treatment. Yeah. Thanks for covering both extremes because you're right. There are people that will I see you out. I may have a tendency to do this with some people from time to time. It's good to know. I have some areas to work on work in progress. Very true. Very true. So we're can listeners find out more about your account coaching. It's breaking barriers coaching and that is Jacob ww.w Raquel young love, so r a q u e l y o u n g l o v e kcom and then for the the brain work where there's also home rentals or the incentives sessions that that website is w w w breakthrough neurofeedback wage. And so that's breakthrough neurofeedback. And the phone number is 888-908-9490. And then last but not least. I would like to mention that for any listener who would be interested in Services. If they mention this podcast, I will offer 15% off of off of any Services. I would just welcome the opportunity to help anybody who might find the services of value to improve their lives. Thanks so much. And do you do virtual coaching too or is your coaching just in person or is that just the brain and your boss know I can do all services can be in Center or remote? So I mean even clients doing the rentals from home I ship throughout the world and then also we can do the coaching by phone or by Skype as well. So there are really no limits to the ability to help in Center or remotely for all things. Okay. Good. I wanted to make sure just in case someone's like home. I don't live in Colorado Springs. Thank you for listening to this episode of the wealthier together podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or go to iTunes subscription and leave us a review.

Peak Performance Raquel partner founder and CEO executive Colorado Springs Raquel Young Raquel young Club dr. Blessing representative Soulja cortisol integrative Wellness Academy cancer Robbins Bob Dee Dee
WWHL @ Home: Raquel Leviss, James Kennedy, Tom Sandoval & Ariana Madix

Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen

24:32 min | 10 months ago

WWHL @ Home: Raquel Leviss, James Kennedy, Tom Sandoval & Ariana Madix

"Welcome to the Bravo clubhouse for the podcast division of Watch. What happens live with me? Andy Cohen give your pump teniente star. Because it's like we're hanging out in the virtual back alley of Sir. It's watch what happens. Live at home with Tom. And Arianna and Jamison Raquel. Now welcome to watch what happens. Live at home. I'm Andy Cohen to vander pump. Rules couples joining me from their homes. Only one of which may have furniture say hi to Tom and Arianna Matic's High Tomonori Games Kennedy and Raquel and this. Hi guys great to see you. I'm wearing my Tom. Tom sweatshirts of all of you. Look well thank you first of all. How are you all doing everybody? Everybody Okay and yeah I mean we're okay we're safe. I definitely feel like I almost always look like I just woke up. So we're GONNA we're staying busy working in some Legos and also working nice. How about you James Raquel? I'm envious of. Everyone has a pool right now. Risk cooped up in our little apartment. I'm envious of everyone. Who has a pool right now to James? How is your sobriety journey going? It's going really good actually. I'm coming onto eleven months and I just feel strong and in good just really happy here at. That's huge Tom. Your relationship with Jack's took a hit this season while jets continues to channel his into three to twenty gym a day. I want to give you the chance to talk it out. It's time for Jack's friendship I'M GONNA put forty five seconds on the clock. I just want you to freestyle. Share your side of the saga. Tell me where you're coming from. Your time starts now. Well after knowing him for twenty years I feel like I definitely been more of a giver in this friendship and I mean really after two years of a wedding where he really sort of flex his power held me much stricter like to find no sense like you know we got along. We made up before the wedding and after the wedding and I had a part of the same day the one and so you know now the rest of the sister guests right while he made it under tight. You still had time left Yeah I mean the Pool Party. That was a little pet petty. Right on your heart. You GotTa give what you get there. You Go Rick how you stood by James as he promised to change in these days in quarantine. There's really nowhere else to stand so I want to see if you've seen him transform and your cocoon with rock. Tell the truth Racquel. I'M GONNA ask you questions about James. He will confirm or deny okay. Cal Has James Talk Crap about Katie after they made no not as negative thing about Katie. You that's true James. That's sure that's okay. Has James set you any sober rage tax out? He hasn't that's true. Okay Raquel. Does James Ever bring up missing. Kristen no not at all. I don't even need to check in with James. That has james ever been irritated by Lisa's frequent check INS. I don't think he's ever irritated by always like he perks up when she calls him. That's Nice What is the most annoyed? You've been with James during the quarantine. He just spend hours in his office in a studio era literally going insane with nothing to do in my apartment so yeah that and playing call of duty. He doesn't let me have enough turns. What's The cockiest thing? James is guilty of saying in the past week I mean. He calls himself white gone yet. So I mean it's a focus thing like this way Need he's the best. Jeff ever happened cooking a lot from a lot. Really doesn't cook so I'm cooking cleaning. I'm doing it. Wow Are you making pasta? Ready all right okay. We'll tell me I wanNA move onto. You've made some bold moves throughout the years may not understand the motivation behind a few. Like I still don't totally understand why you were at Bravo Konin drag although I enjoyed it but I'm of you've second-guessed any choices. In retrospect I'm GonNa read off past behaviors. Tell us you regret it. All right. Arianna you regret criticizing the way Lisa handled business with the Times. No I don't because that rough passionately that I went through brought us to a really close and honest place in relationship for both of you. Do you regret purchasing a home. So close to Jack's no because we bought our house and then they bought houses by ours. You regret not purchasing furniture for your home sooner now. Do you have furniture now? Yes is it binds you and I can hear the family room and then there's the kitchen furniture here tonight. Our guys more plants three. Do you regret running away from Miami girl. When Kristen brought her to confront you at work. Now I don't know Tom. You regret shaving your four on camera now. I ask make you do it all the time. Arianna you regret allowing you and Tom. Delivered Kristen's and his old apartment for so long now because that allowed us to be able to afford a really Tom. Do you regret pulling out all the stops while being Jackson's best man. No no I enjoyed doing nice to get just added moment. I enjoy those things so both of you. Do you regret giving James Multiple second chances when the rest of the group wanted to be done with them. Now look at him an absolutely not last up. Do you regret dipping in the lady. Pond with La La and then her telling everyone about the encounter. Now actually Thomas Zone. Everybody everybody I regret through and now okay wait one more Tom. Do you regret the years you spent. Dating Krista No 'cause motivated me to. I feel like it made me. Ymca and it motivated me to make positive change and we're both better off because of the good. Okay guys. It is time to vander pump you for Info for all of us chantilly Espinosa on twitter said why do they think Jackson's insecure about Tomonori on his relationship? Do they feel it's because it's not a traditional relationship or just because he has a beef with Tom and he likes to take it out on. That was like a many parted question. I think that whatever issue as cousin get. Gosh I'd itself for it. I think I think Jackson's looks for dirt in order to throw it around because he gets bored or whatever. I mean honestly it's I mean I don't really tell them things anyways because he's never really been a safe place. I mean it's always leverage against you. Bring it up even if the board conversation so well Speaking of Racquel and James Alice Entex to them said both Jacks and Kristen have spoken out saying they don't think the two of you are in love what gives them reason to think this. And what's your reaction to that? I ran the only reason why people think we're not in love because I'm a pageant girl and I want the limelight which is like partially true but like I love James with all of my heart and he knows and I don't think I would have stuck it out this long if I didn't love him and it's really paid off and we aren't left an so with for cows while I. I can't believe that our relationship is grew so much stronger due to my sobriety. And it's because of scale right here and I think every day for I don't take for granted anymore. I'm just signed off with very sweet. Okay Arianna we got this a lot. Lauren from New Jersey wants to know why you got annoyed. Why you get annoyed when people comment about the lack of furniture you invite people over and see and then. You seem annoyed that anyone is in your house. I'm actually nowhere near northern my house. I over because I really enjoy having people over and I cooked for them and we make for them and so I don't know where she is making that but the annoyance about the comments about the furniture is because all of those people met in new about the designers that we were working with and we also filmed scenes where like going over fabric samples and things like that so people were very well aware of what our process was in what we were doing and so. I just found it like okay. We're just Kinda like GONNA make up this other thing and not talk about getting a lot of customs of made so it takes a lot of time takes like twelve weeks. I'm like the entirety of James and anyone who's been writing their fridge nonstop in quarantine knows that. It's always about the Pasta Jason Recall. I'm going to turn up the heat with some relationship questions. If you choose not to answer take a big bite of noodles now. Did you make that foster that you're off Sylviane from home simple dish? That looks good. Oh my God wreck held is James. Prefer dirty talk or baby talk in the bedroom James. What's one personality? Trait Lala demonstrates that you wish Raquel had. When do I eat the Pasta? You eat it if you don't want to answer the question. What's one personality trait. That la La demonstrates that you wish raquel hat. Yeah I thought so Raquel. What's one thing? James could be better at as a DJ. He's a great DJ crossfire. James Rain Rock Kells. Waitressing ability is on a scale of one to ten. I'm GONNA go off. Okay that's not bad cal what's the worst thing that James had said to you via rage taxed that we don't know about this whole of K. Have you ever made out with a girl who wasn't raquel? While the two of you were dating you said no and then you ate pasta. Well eating the K. Read cal beyond a certain scale of one to ten. Is the food at Sir. Start as attempts love the girl Pasta James. What is the furthest that you and Logan ever gotten anything ever? He wishes I and he used to say nothing ever happened. I don't I'm completely stripe. Thank you and you can keep eating your pasta because it looked so good. I don't want it to get cold. I won't say who's one of tonight's head-to-head pool parties was clearly more boring. I want to challenge my Gusta select between some neck in next with what's more boring Brown. Shoes GonNa read off Pairs of scenarios from your group. Pick which one would make you not off. This is a game for everybody. Wants more boring rage. Tax from Jackson rage tax from Tequila Radio Shacks. From Jack's what's more boring attending Stasi's book reading or attending Kristen's James made t? Shirt pop up. I may up because the up had like fortune tellers. And David Wayne's which is like a lot of things going on it's harmless more boring decorating scooters crocheting with Katie same. What's more boring? Witches of we hold wine lunch event or a roller disco party the Mayan. What's more boring? A murder mystery rehearsal. Dinner or an Improv. Do Sheena shape performance at our own engagement party. I'll say this only because I've seen she number forms so many times. I've never been murdered history. What's more boring volunteering at? Vander pump dogs or tracking to SCHINAS APARTMENT FOR ENCHILADAS. No tricking has a permanent. Our thanks for playing her boring. Okay more viewers. Tom Wendy texted. Is it true you were rude? Discusses Mama Jackson Britney's wedding is because Stasi read you for filth at Tom Tom. I Guess Stasi's Mom Dana wrote about it on instagram. Heard about that because I didn't know. Give her an umbrella or something. I grabbed every umbro. I've brought umbrellas myself. I grabbed every member like castle rock fans and stop and I was trying to hand them out to people. Like I'm not going to have an umbrella in a fan out. The same person was trying to space now but no I was just walking around out. No I if she took it that way. There was not any. I didn't planned it that way now. Through shining date racale. Rj Oregon wants to know how you were able to stay so calm when la La to you on girls night. I'm visit calm. Person and honest lay lalas. Attacks aren't not surprising anymore. So let's see Tom. Tracy 'em said looking back now. Do you see that you acted like a toddler having a temper. Tantrum Tantrum with regard to stop sees book signing event. I really. I don't see that I had so much as temper tantrum. I just freaked the hell out the night before because as we talked about Union Ryan up things uncertainties. I hadn't heard from her. That personally wasn't her fault or a lot of other things going on. But yes what are regrets x? Messages for sure. What did you guys think of the reunion by the way what? What'd you guys? All think of the reunion. I thought it was great. I mean I was sorry. I love the whole setup. I mean I was so impressed. What production did they brought over these cheese? Everything was completely June. Acted the haven Where rules I mean. Sorry sorry everybody Else James. What did you think yeah? I thought it was really good. I thought that it was going to be boring in the beginning but after it was done. I was like this. Is the best reunion yet in asked leave that it was. I just didn't know we were gonNA Archer emotions across the screen. Arianna asking for a friend to twenty four. Wants to know how made you make you feel to have la dossier and Katie trashy on the Vandross pump after show so much I thought it was You wanted to say something James clarifier do baby talk all dirty talk in the bedroom. I don't know what he's talking about. Maybe talk what is baby. Never done that in my life my viewers an feeling Tomonori on. I have a feeling you guys are into full on role play like of address card role. Play I'm always me? Yeah but she's sometimes different person. Well you gotTa tell. Sometimes you don't tell me when I'm in yeah really it's always Arianna but sometimes Arianna like has this job or this patient soon sometimes. I'm just not aware that feeling me in so all right. Well I know we're all keeping a casual in quarantine but that's no reason to slouch on style for tonight's moment of muzzle. I'm throwing it Tom's other half Tom Schwartz for tips on how to style a Mulu. Take it away Tom. Yes I will rock and moon. There are no rules when I'm rocking a moon. I'm not only chilling. I'm I'm recharging my mind my body. So don't let anyone judge you when you're rocking your Momo. I mean how Bundy or Momo's homer Simpson Marlon Brando. You want it to be nice and loose baggy. If you're gonNA wear one just don't smell bad. It just seems Mujtaba. Who Don't be ashamed rocking. Moma where it loud where proud we're in quarantine they'd be. Nobody's judging thank you Tom Schwartz. You've solved I WANNA thank Tom. Arianna James Raquel tomorrow night. Denise Richards and June Diane Repeal at ten. We'll see that everybody thanks guys. Hey everybody it's the after show with Tom and Arianna and James Marquel. Great to see you guys For all of you dumb girl. Nineteen ninety-one wants to know. How do y'all feel about Katie and Stasi's beef with Kristin do you feel closer to either Christian or Katie result? I don't feel like I've gotten closer to either of them as a result of this beef but I I am close with both of them and I think that I can kind of understand where you're coming from the ultimate I do feel like I feel bad. That Christine doesn't have her friends Christmas she's must see you know like why we were friends and I hate to see the seven friends with them for so long and I see things like this happen. It it hurts. I don't like to see it. I wish they make up or Lou Ann from Boston wants to know why no one calls. Sheena out on her behavior with every new guy on the show. She said she's worse than a dog. In Heat. She starts more trouble than Kristen at this point. Arianna your closest friend Here I mean is zero pattern there. There's I would say you know yes. Sheena does get involved with people Pretty deep pretty fast but at the same time. There's a lot of stuff that you're not seeing on a show like things that are going on with you know maybe somebody that doesn't WanNA film And so I think that there's a lot more to that story and I don't WanNa like divulge like all verse alive but I wouldn't just take what you see on the show. Ask her entire life. Also I would like to say that. I thought she did one hell of a job on the season. I would go so fast. Say that she was the MVP of Likud for being willing to put it all out there time and time again great agree. I'd find Gina Ominously. Okay Tom Robin from Northern Kentucky. Wants you still want children on. It's something that I don't know I don't know yes but no but yes I don't know hundreds doesn't like when people speak in absolutes. Exactly he doesn't like to say yes or no to anything KINDA. Yeah I'm more Rock Leon. Ready to have kids but I mean I like the idea of them but I'm not like completely married to their idea but I am totally against the idea of being like you can't have kids. Yeah Sasha Diane said I love cal. She's a breath of fresh air on the show. Does she now know what the Pope on the balcony? I know the pout. Hope on the balcony is I hope has a balcony and he waves from his balcony and normally doesn't drink Rosa on the balcony but to be fair Lisa in riddles. And I figure that one out James. Tom Louis is out on it. You plug it for my birthday. This year Raquel basically made my second bedroom into the in the apartment studio and I pulled it the neon rumble. And I've been in quarantine in that making old. If this is the house music five tracks I made the drums. Everything produced it myself. And it's all fire and I call it the jungle so this EP. Jungle of Lights. And it's it's it's amazing stuff. Check it out on. Spotify is some heavy baselines and is fun shit. I know Tom will really dig it on this that. I love a check it out all right guys. Thanks James For cal. Tom and Arianna always hanging out with you. You make it real easy over here. Thank you so much. Stay healthy okay. I love you. Thanks for listening to the PODCAST. Everybody hope you enjoyed the show. Remember new episodes live Monday through Friday at four? Pm Eastern time make sure you're subscribed great rusty or not.

Tom Tom Pasta James James the Times Kristen Arianna Arianna James Raquel Jamison Raquel Katie trashy Jack vander pump Lisa Raquel Jackson Britney Tom Schwartz James Rain Rock Kells James Ever Andy Cohen la La Tom Louis
and Raquel Leviss

Give Them Lala ... with Randall

48:54 min | 11 months ago

and Raquel Leviss

"Hey all you cool cats and kittens. It's Lila can't with around with. We have a super dope guest today. She is poised. She is elegant and she is a gangster when it comes to taking the wrath of La can't her name is Raquel motherfucking. How I got to tell you the reason I'm excited by having Raquel on is the fact you to have all this stuff going on about whatever to go at it or whatever whatever and she is the sweetest human and you have the biggest heart in the world. So I don't understand any of this shit but I am excited to have her because I don't recall that well I know obviously just saying hi at different things yeah totally. I'm excited to get to know her because she's always so nice to me so genuine so and I'm sure you too. We'll talk and we'll hear that part of it but yeah I. I'm just glad you tour are talking in friends. And whatever was we'll we'll get into but I gotta tell you Raquel you know there's a lot of people on your show a lot of different personalities and Raquel from day one no matter what has been going on behind so so sweet so let me ask you a question This Lala Randall. Soon to be Mrs Lawa seem to be. We're in we're in quarantine here on week. Three hundred. Yeah it's getting it's getting. Oh Am I right to say that when we first got into quarantine? I had just gotten home so you already a weekend. Yes I got home day one. I think I wanted to full depression. Like what is going on. What just happened and you already had been in like a week. We to as like bouncing off the walls going nuts renting. Rv's you know going our house in Palm Springs Blah Blah Blah. You were happy as a clam. I saw you drawing every day. You have four hundred coloring books here in front of us right here you've got lizard. You're drawing you've got. I don't know you've got states and countries you were having the time of your life. Yes not only. Were you coloring them? We built our. We extend our pickle ball court right and now we've been blamed pickle ball that's been awesome totally so professional colors professional pickle ball player swimmer. Step mom everything and you have been the best attitude and I've been in it like the even pms while in Corinth okay. That was a rough as that. But we made it through all that and you kept a great attitude totally yesterday yesterday. Yeah I feel like you hit the wall. Yeah I'm hitting a wall today today. Only color give myself so many facials before I wanNA shoot everybody okay. I'm looking at you at least you're admitting it because you have had the most positive attitude maybe to you everyday. I've been has antisocial so for me it's like Oh don't leave your houses I'm like are you weeks of no jim three weeks of not seeing any friends any of your friends. Yeah is takes a toll. Yeah I mean all of my friends are homebodies so like if we don't see each other for a minute like at least we text and whatnot. The Gym is killing me. Jim Is Jim sets the tone for my whole day and I wanna Tell People. People don't know this so normally our schedule is we wake talked about this. We did we have so. You're me repeat it. I would prefer to talk about something different if we've already spoken about trauma repeater though okay. Okay but going backwards just saying when you go to the gym. It is your first win to the day after your calls. Yes and I've told people a hundred times. If I don't have a trainer I am not working out. My ass is getting flat. I've lost weight. You have lots wait. Is that a bad thing. I mean you're skinny already people they're like. Oh that's great me. I want thick thick asks. And I don't WanNa frigging thigh gap you know. I'm trying to be thicky thick pitch over here. Which is why. Yeah so I squatted lot. It's why eat a lot but I think it's because Jenna works my ass out so hard. It's my body is like meeting fuel all the time. I just want to preface whatever however you say your look right now I you look stunning thank you. I think you look beautiful every day. And that is the truth and you know. I say that they link you but what I do want to say is. We've hit this wall bonus. Yeah and we're looking outside. It's pouring rain right now and we're just like you know when does it and and we don't like him in the walking dead kind of yes like this is our. This is our base camp and the kids are the walkers because there's stuck at home all day everybody stuck. Are we hear them coming up the stairs? La La La La. I'm lake. Don't get people who don't a lot of people who listen. I have kids and but people don't have kids. Let me just tell you? I love being people that have kids know exactly what we're got from tyrod but I'm trying to tell the people that don't so people who don't have children who are young. You know words Avenue kids yet or whatever you know you love your kids and you love every minute with people no I love Riley in London obsessively Soda. You used by. But here's the thing when they don't go to school and you have to try to be creative in your home. You can only color so much. You can only play Jenga so much you can only play hide and seek swim pickle. You can run them into the ground Zoltan. Yes before your run into the ground by frigging three o'clock but you know so so so we face that and I just think look. I think we're halfway through this quarantine. I think we're starting to head towards the other side. I've read a lot of articles that say the curve is starting to happen. The numbers are lower than they thought. Look we don't know yet but I am optimistic. Avoid the news I duNno shit. I know but I'm optimistic seeing a lot of headlines lately that seem like they're going in the right direction so knock on wood hopefully now is my mother has put two baskets in the entryway one full of masks one full of gloves and another full of Lysol and that means obviously were stepping our game up. You can't come in the house without those and you can't leave the house without those clearly. This shit is popping off it. It's not but at the same time right now. We're in a real serious locked down this week. And they're saying that hopefully we'll hit our peak but having said that it does make me think about like when this quarantines over when we go back to work we go back to our lives or whatever. Version the appreciation. I'M GONNA have for traffic. I telling you when I get in traffic to go to the office. I'm going to be like thank God. I could go to the office so I just think people are going to be. I hope more tolerant and appreciative of the small things in life that we used to take for granted right like I used to sit there and be like I have to go to like you know a meeting today. Do you know how much money I would give to go to a meeting instead of the. Here's the zoom link and by the way not only are you asking me to log into something. I'm technologically challenged. But you're asking me to get ready to sit at home in front of a computer. It's tough it's tough and I'll tell you and for you I gotTa give you a lot of credit to stay. You've stayed sober. You have done your homework with your sponsor and I'm sure for a lot of people who fight addiction. Having to be quarantined not be able to drive to their typical weekly meeting that some people have been going twenty years in for twenty years some of these people or thirty years of been sober going to the same weekly meeting the same routine. I give a lot of people a lot of credit right now for for fighting to stay sober and staying the course because you know it's it's already tough enough. I'm sure to stay sober but the stay sober in your house. I'm really happy that you brought that up because I feel like everyone. Is You know so consumed with getting sick and getting this virus. And what do we do to prevent getting it that we have to think about the fact that my people my fellow alcoholics and addicts? Don't get to go to meetings. That are keeping them sober. They're having to do the work on their own calling their sponsor but they don't have they don't have an most people don't know this just getting in the car to go to a meeting is keeping people sober and they don't have that anymore by the way. Have to log onto a computer and I get it. It's like okay. Well they still have the meeting but it's different. It is different so I give so many people that have been going to those meetings for ten twenty years that they're still fucking fighting for their sobriety. Those are the people that inspire me and I want a second that it just when I've gone to your the meetings with you to support you watching the speakers and the inspiration and kind of the community that comes around you watching the love that you get a being sober in the celebratory and when I went to your one year watch I speak like that I get it. I get it and not have that right up for you not to be able to get the car and say I'm having a Shitty two days I you know I'm stressed is sh like everybody else in the world going to go to my meeting and talk it out. You can't do that. You're there are people that have been going to the WHO've been sober for like forty plus years and they go to a meeting you look in the corner and they're like falling asleep and it's like but they went to the waiting in the car and they went to their meeting exactly the point you to the meeting and it doesn't matter and maybe that week they were falling asleep at the next week. They needed the meeting. Saying is that people take out. It's like Oh but you can still tune in. It's like but you don't understand the power of getting into your car and driving to that meeting. That's what I'm saying and I I give you so much respect. I tell you this all the time your biggest accomplishment and when I have gone to meetings with you to support you yeah watching you just you know. Every time you came out of a meeting that I was with you at you were like you like floating cherish exactly for you not to have that and have to do it on the phone and zoom look. I've been doing meetings or meet ups with my friends. You know that kind of stuff on the zoom. Yeah it's not the same. It's the same. It's it's good. It's something it's better than nothing but it's not the same. I that one meeting we went to at that amazing speaker We're place down by the four. Oh five whatever speaker and we're both blown away I do. You can't get that same thing less. You're sitting twenty feet from the person so allow to you. Everybody out there whose whose staying sober I give all of you. Such amazing respect because you know. I know I need to drink even moral during these time so I take more baths said a foreign damn taking a six so I if the drought problem I'm single handedly responsible for it okay. Well I'm fine with that. I want to say I am excited about our next guest. I am excited that you and her are on such a good path and I think that I'm excited to get to know a lot about her so I think we should. You should introduce her because obviously you know better than me. Yeah let's take a short break. And then we are back with the stunning recap lapis. Give them while I with. Randall is supported by better health. Online counseling sometimes life is stressful and hard. And we all know that we can all use a little help and we're feeling down but be not know exactly where to go for what. I like about this company. Law Is that you connect privately with a counselor to tax chat and make it kind of at your own convenience to sometimes people are too busy working life kids and this just gives you the complete freedom. I've struggled with anxiety. Depression addiction when. I lost my dad. I didn't really know how to grieve properly so with better help. You can connect privately with a counselor through text chat phone and video calls and they're licensed counselors specializes in all of these different things that all of us face in different parts of our life. Give them while with Randall. Listeners will get ten percent off their first month with Discount Code. Gtl that's better help dot com slash GTO. Why not get help better help dot com slash? Gtl and we are back with the guest. That I have been really excited about. We've had some rocky times. But she she was like really open to be on our podcast. We have the beautiful Raquel Levin. Probably a Rick Al I am. I got out of say you are awesome and just so cool to just come on here and I know that you in Lala had some Bandra pomp drama. But you know what that's behind us and I just want people to get to know you because you know. I don't know you that well but I know James obviously for a long time now and. I just think that I can't tell you how excited I am for you to be here and for me and everybody to kind of get to know a lot more about you so. I just want to thank you amazing. Thank you now. I'm excited to be here talking to you guys too so you said earlier like you get you. Get nervous doing podcasts. And you know last year during the reunion you have told us that you struggle or have struggled with anxiety and things like that. What is it like for you coming on? You know you you met James and then you just became a personality on reality TV nine. I'd call myself a person who I know. You're definitely a person I will. I will say rick out this season watching. You has been pretty epic. You've gone toes. I've already told you this when we've had our phone conversations like you handle yourself with grace and poise. I wish I could do that. Unfortunately I'm cut from a very dingy cloth but you know we let that just let it go but what is it. What is it like for you to like watch yourself on TV when you you know you were model model like when you film what is your mindset? It really weird watching myself on TV. I don't particularly enjoy it. That makes two of us. Were Cal. Trust me two of us. Oh my gosh is that were really like what am I doing right now with my face And I guess it makes me more aware of you know your Gestures or anything. But I'm filming in. General is definitely an anxiety induced time. Because I do get anxious and nervous just about talking and general growing up I n class. I like always the quiet one always a while. Teachers had wow like. I'm obviously not surprising thing but I would never speak up. I would never speak up in class. I was always so scared you because I never thought that I had the right answer and it wasn't until I went to college. That things started clicking for me. Would you do me a favor? Can you take back? Ju just so I understand. You grew up in northern California. Is that correct? No I actually grew up in thousand oaks which no way. And just just give me a snippet of like you started modelling pageant. How did it kind of all begin for you because you say you were this quiet kid but I mean obviously you had a lot of ambitions so tell me tell me how that all came together and then how it leads you to kind of enter puppet? I was very ambitious because I was so nervous about talking but I wanNA push myself out of my comfort zone. So that's what drew me into pageantry I was always scared to like talk in front of other people so going in and being judged an in person interview and being onstage in swimsuit and evening gown that really pushed me outside of my comfort zone and when I was able to you know. Help myself grow in those ways. Their limit. Let me ask question are I've seen these. Tv shows right. Which I'm sure you have where they show pageants are the reserve mom like a pageant. Mom Stage is it like that or I mean. Have you seen other moms like that when you were coming up in it because I find it fascinating and it's got to be a very surreal experience like just being on stage at a young age and having the talk and do all these different things is there? Is there drama in that world that you saw you were? She shielded from that now now. I didn't start competing on patents until later like when I was a teenager like sixteen so I never experienced the toddlers. Ntr person but I can tell you from my experience. It's nothing like that. Okay Okay so you started pageants in your teenage years. Obviously you're modeling as well and you're going through this and you're going through your education you're going through your education and then what Happ- where where does that take you. Go to you decide. You want to go to college. Get a degree which I understand. I don't want as well but at that point do continue the MA. Just kind of take me through that last part into Los Angeles and how you mentioned. 'cause I'm I'm intrigued. I'm very intrigued and I competed for Miss Hollywood. One of the judges wanted to sign me because she had a modeling agency. So that was my little gateway into the modeling world as little nature recall. It's really fun. And then I decided to go to Cinema State University and get my degree in kinesiology and I would love to work with kids special needs in the near future with that. Did you know that law Do that's amazing that is I had no idea that is so. That's why it has a very sweetheart but that's why a podcast. Because I would've never known this and now we're Carolina like have a whole different. I always liked. You always been respectful to each other but knowing that you wanna work with kids especially. I mean that tells a lot about somebody I mean. That is a real. Yeah Okay so do you study that and then and I was modeling for a Boutique called Ula while I was in school so I was doing photo shoots with them once a week and not kept my modeling career going for the time being and then. I guess two years ago when I moved down to. La and James. And I have our own place here. Can we tell me all on because this is the exciting part? You whether you like it or not. You have a ton of fans I know Lalas and James I have two or three my mother and my dad and my sister but let me. So how do you even meet James? Because I don't know that story at all. How does that start? No Randall's never challenge. It's like a perfect. I love it. Tell me tell me tell me. It didn't recall it didn't involve range rovers right just getting just getting. That's my story. Unfortunately ranged river's okay. Tell me tell me how you guys met. That's really cool okay. So My Sister. Kate invited me out to nears eve with her super last minute. I had no plans but I have my sorority sister with me. So he went out and we went to pump. We had dinner at their vacations at pump and James was DJ. -Ing and I was sat at table number seven which is right by the deejay booth. That's great I love the You. Remember the table number okay. So Story J. Booth and I thought he was so cute and I had gotten out of a relationship recently at that time and James was like the only guy that I thought was really attracted so I go over there and I song requested beyond. Say He's like well. I don't normally take song requests but for you I will. I love this story on such a romantic. This is awesome. Yes but first time I heard his British accent. Oh my God into time and I was like. Oh my God like for a moment. I thought he was faking his accident. Because it was so strong right it caught sit like a point but it was like such a big British event but now looking back on it looking back on it. I've noticed that Janes amp up his British accent according according to WHO? He's talking toward that needs. When he was out there recall meeting. He likes you end to it. I know oh Jesus God swagger sweat already know James has got swagger but knowing this so what he saw you he went from like Oh in America to however cal will definitely an American. He's like True Blue British so funny that he like amped it up for cal. That's I think that's a door. So after he puts plays a song. What happens next okay? So the countdown scrape and then countdown New Year's Eve countdown and so. He's like announcing it on the Mike and I'm like dancing by him and then he pulls me over and we get that midnight all this. The greatest stories like Cinderella was pretty now. So then he Kim bided my sorority sister Mandy and I to this place used Zhang afterwards like hell. Yeah Hell Yeah. Let's go mandy like being my wing woman. Let's go mandy is is definitely going to be your maid of honor and she has more sure she will definitely be a bridesmaid. Okay let me wait. Let me ask. Let me ask another two questions so first of all after just getting to know you more here you and I have a bond on how we met our significant others because I as you know Matt Lalla for the first time when she was manning the hostess stand at what I had a Christmas demining the hostess Man Well Sir. Yes so I'm there. I'm at Lala at the same. I know that those those places that Lisa Vander pump owns are just like the cold a lot of love saying I love story. I had no. I had no idea I love this story about jobs. I had no idea the once you once you you. You didn't follow him but once he invited you to the after party you went there and what happened did you let him hit it the first night. Rick Eleven. You're a lady oh my. I can't believe you're asking me because no one's asked me straight up that way. No one past me and the answer is yeah. It was one night yes to my girl. Cow Say something say something you know. Lalla. What's the same? She was the same and I will say look at us now and look at UNM. Now there we go see. I always tell people I'm like you know what I don't think that that that like holding off the cookie really applies at all tonight and I love okay. So then you go your Sonoma's this point right like you just came in for. Were you at home for Christmas at this point. At this point it was my third year in college. Okay so I would at cinema state in northern California so ended up being not James wanted to continue dating me and he was down to do long distance So the first day that we had when he came up to visit me we went line tasting. Because that's what we do. Incidentally TAP CLASS HERE. We go barrel tasting. Then we get a party bus. We got a party bus and we went out there to all the different Winery this is romantic. I really had I swear to you. Live no idea that the I mean. This is a great fairytale it is. It really is and then so. How long have you guys been together when you made your first appearance on? Vander pump rules must have been maybe five months because we met the first January and then we started filming that summer. Oh my gosh dot was quick recall and I want to. I'm really GonNa like pick your brain. We're GONNA take a short break and we will be back in a hot second with a Beautiful Rick. Eleven you guys know. I'm obsessed with jewelry. I love me some diamonds. I love me some gold. I love it all and I just recently found or eight or eight is fine. Jewelry made in New York City founded by women for women pieces range from classic to statement two completely original. Orient makes the jewelry. We've always wanted but we could never find aurait pieces. Come with a lifetime warranty because obviously they know it will. Last or rate is ethically made in New York City empowering women with the best jewelry options without sacrificing style plus for every piece sold a child in need receives a book to further their education. So I'm completely obsessed with them for many different reasons. Not just because they have amazing jewelry and right now I want to give you guys fifteen percent off of your first aurait purchase. All you have to do is go to orate. A YOU ARE NOT NEW YORK DOT com slash. Lala that's orate New York dot com slash lot law and we are back with Raquel. How You Doing Bill Maher? He's still hanging in there with us. I am all right so I am excited that we just heard an incredible fairytale which I had no clue. Raquel and I are bonded. 'cause we both met our significant others at. Sir Now. She met him at you. Bill Elizaveta restaurant. It was about a block away. Okay so at least get that yet. Okay now the question I have for Raquel. Is Everybody shacked up? Everybody's GonNa down the aisles. Like the cool thing of twenty twenty. Oh my God. We're asking her about marriage now. We're asking if she wanted to ask you about the hitting the eye on the romantic one. No is by. The way is guys haven't discussed it but I'm is there any intention soon? Do you guys see that happening in the future. Has there been talks or or is it. Just you're going to wait to the right moment. Yeah I I definitely see that in the future for us We are. We're not in a rush. I keep telling him I'm not in a row because I still feel like I'm really young and I don't know I told her you were twenty five. I'm twenty five also. You're not winning of time. James hold this James. He's young too old. He's only twenty seven twenty. Oh you guys. Are you guys got if no right? We'll say this now. There have been moments that James and I are in. The studio and DOTS is definitely his bill bill. You know CAL is one so that'll definitely listen to me. I'm answering the question for your call. I'm like Oh they'll for sure there. Should I like rebels attitude like like? It's just a what's going to happen. I know it's going to happen and it's going to happen when we're both work you on the other hand. What your pressure pressure I didn't know that Russia you you said this shit's going down by the end of this year or you're going out. It was pretty much like that. But you don't remember that you gotTa Amnesia. Yeah well that was probably one of my in my drunk door. Okay so cal. Yeah Baby. Let's talk about. We have had two seasons together that have been rocky little rock. Yes absolutely and for you know you and I have had conversations off camera off podcasts. Where you know we've in my opinion have come a very long way and this season we had our coffee date which I know that we both felt was for me. It was a highlight. But I I loved filming that scene with that was one of my highlights because we got to speak on such like civilized and like Nice Level. Where like we were hearing other and And I just got to talk to you about my experience with James his steps to sobriety and I feel like we were able to really like relate in a way absolutely. I felt like we related in that moment to and I have to ask because I am obviously a hothead you have been on the receiving end. How in the world do you maintain being so calm and poised during attack? Like what the hell did your mom teach you to be like no no. I don't know born that way implying that I recall raquel. I give it to you mad credit mad props because I am on the receiving end. Sometimes of my fiance's frustration. I use the word frustrations but and I. I'm pretty level headed babe. Don't you think I mean I pretty? Yeah pretty normal but but I think I think you're not marrying Walla so the fact that you can be calm is mad props to you now. I really think it's amazing. Do you like when you go into filming. I know I asked you this. But like 'cause you don't know what to expect in your soul like normal and level headed right. What is your process of being like? Okay I know I got into it with lar- whatever like going into a scene like how do you maintain that? I mean I'm telling you for advice here. I'm going to shut up right after this. I knew where she was going to his face because she was basically a hit on the head. She wants you to help her raquel. Give her advice. How does she remained? Calm please I wish I had an easy answer for you but all I can say every time I go in to seen filming I try to just like be really happy going into it and like I don't know try to enjoy the moment because it's in those moments where I grow personally in the sense that I get super anxious when we do film if we're in to the that stops aren't the easiest and I'm very non-confrontational so right it's it's basically it's your DNA the way the way the weight the way that you function day to day. You don't like that. Is your sister like calm till I like to normal now? No she's not. She's the adversary opposite. Oh my Gosh I love it have you. Have you ever battled with her? No more our age gap is too much here six years apart so we never like battled it out like that. Okay but your child and your sisters more of the one that's like just a killer not a killer but you know what? I mean to a fighting. Yeah okay I totally get it. Wow I I mean I have told you this many times and before we sign off until you again you have been. You've made an extremely you know hard life changing moment coming onto this show. I know it's not easy and from the bottom of my heart. I am sorry that you've been on the receiving end of my wrath. It will not happen again and I wanNA tell you not only were you cool calm and collected. You are so fucking fun to watch this season. Raquel you need to know that all that this is so I mean this I wanNA. We weren't if we weren't in Quarantine. I would hug it out with both of you right now. This is really sweet. That's I and I and I love that. You share your story because it really is a beautiful story and. I think sometimes we don't just like you know Lal on I like people don't get to see all of us and I think just like people get all of you and James and hearing. Kinda how you came together and the love that you have and you're you got pushed into this world like I did and it's not an easy world being and I give you a lot of a lot of respect for that so thank you so much. We're so happy that you that you gave us some of your quarantine time and I hope that you go and enjoy the rest of your day. My Love to you guys were so fun to have and we appreciate it. Yes by okay. Wow I have to say like there have been many moments and I'm not going to get choked up about this. I'm sure it's because I'm like stuck in this house bouncing off the wall but you know filming a reality. Tv show is a lot of work. It's a lot of pressure you're asked to be surrounded by people that you don't always click with or see and you know most times people wanNA slam you for the way that you've treated somebody and absolutely. I did not treated correctly but people also have to understand that we don't get one minute to sit back and reflect on what's happened or think about what's been said. We are thrown into positions. Where you know you either are a fighter like me or you're very cool and calm like Raquel and I respect that but I think you know the making up of my cast members when we can see eye to eye and show love because we're in this together. That is the most beautiful moment while I'm sitting here looking at you with tears in your eyes and makes me happy because I know you know and not to get into too much but I know that you have been very affected by just this thing with Raquel that happened on the show and you know anybody that like who I think should get the wrath of. Whatever I'M DOING. She is not the one I know pip really bad about that. Well I love you and I know that in your heart you're the sweetest two men in the world and I know that Raquel definitely not the sweetest human in the world you you. You're the sweetest human to me. Well Okay but what? I want to really grateful that. She came on the PODCASTS. That was amazing. Like her talking about how she might. James Amazing and by the way what I'm trying to say is this is that you are the sweetest in inside. That's who you are and I think that you're put in a situation that you know you're on a show where where you guys are together every day for months and months and months and months and months and and people explode and I think the fact let me say this the fact that today you can sit here and admit you know your your faults right. That's how big of that that that takes a lot of courage just like it took her a lot of courage to be able to come on the PODCAST and say. Hey we are okay. We are friends now. We bury the hatchet. And I wanNA tell you that you the same out of credit. 'cause you don't give yourself any credit ever and I'm looking at you and I know you still probably won't give yourself credit but law. It takes a lot to apologize. Say something that I the part that I need to work on is when I went off on Racale the two two times this season what she was saying. I felt that I was the things that I cared about. Were attack even last year. I felt that she was attacking my dad and I needed to take a step back like she's not meaningless in an ill way she's not you but you also dead. I took it and I was like. I'm ready to fight and I should know by now the difference when someone's trying to be evil in mean and when someone is saying something where I'm taking it the wrong way. WanNa say again your. It's huge view to be able to apologize. Say You were in the wrong at the same time. And I'm not I mean I am your partner but I'm also GONNA be honest. You're in a really really difficult place the last year. Losing Your Dad you were. I mean you were in the spiral so yeah I mean I'm not justifying anything. I'm just saying you weren't in your right head because you lost your debt so so now now today I look at you and I see a different woman San sitting here saying you know what sorry. I didn't mean to come at you that way. You didn't deserve that and look at you two now. Now you guys are friends and you guys talk. And she trusted to come on our podcast. Which is huge of her. And and it's huge of you to be able to want her to come on so. I just think if we weren't in quarantine right now we'd all be at dinner. Yeah and I want to say one more thing before we sign off most people that know me know I. I know that I have negative comments in my hands. I know that I have negative comments in the comments section. Which is why I avoid reading them because it affects me however when I watched the show back and I saw my behavior that is what is sitting with me not anything else I mean the other day we did Andy Cohen. Show Watch Robin's life and he was like a lot of people I asked him. I was like. Are you asking me this questions? It I get a lot of hate from that. And he was like Oh. We had so many comments about it so I had no idea until he said that I was already feeling badly about what was going on so I'm just really grateful. We had her on. She's a frigging hot ice but I always see own. It was fun because she she even told she gave it up on the first night. A girl after my own damn heart. I'm sure she's going to be like Oh. No I don't want to be in girl after Laos art okay. I'm just gonNA leave this alone. I want to say you already look lighter and happier like the fact that yeah. I think you know. Look this week I don't know anymore I'm just gonNA leave it at that week. Whatever of quarantine. Because this is I feel like we live in quarantine out but I think doing this. Podcast connects us to people that are kind of in the same boat and I think you know I wanna say relationships are hard and then when you put people in quarantine. They're harder so anybody out there that's going through a tough moment in their relationship stay positive and stay strong and just keep working through it because the stronger you are in quarantine the better your relationship will be out of quarantine absolutely we are sending you all all of our love and prayers in before we sign off and I tell you guys to go sleigh the day. Let's listen to some voicemails. You ready ran. This is like my favorite part of. I know it's so fun. Great I feel like I know these people. Yup Hi Laura I'm Randall. This is Andrea from Atlantic city. New Jersey love you la La and everything you stand for on banner pumps but I love Randall. Saran you better stop saying you don't have any fans because you do now. My question is for Randall. I WanNa know more about your background on poker. I've watched the ears of you playing. It's amazing if you've ever come to Atlantic city to play toward that let your fans now. Thanks I love this question. My God Lord Questions Allah's GonNa Fall Asleep here is they're banging my head first of all thank you. Atlantic City I love and the Borgata has the best tournaments ever so when I do come I definitely will oppose. I don't know I am so obsessive poker. It's my passion you know. What can I say? I put a lot of time in studying the game. I loved tournaments. I love the competitiveness. I love how I'm always trying to get better and you can never beat the game. You're always working and improving the game as it evolves and it's one of my favorite things in the world. It's a happy place for me and I've really. The Community of poker is just so special. I love meeting people from all over the world that play you can go to any country any city any state find a poker room and and play and and you know you know it's just it's just a really really unique game so thank you and. I'm glad I have a fan. I think you're one of my first fans outside of my family. So thank you and just dying that someone ask deal about. You know I could do all or you know what Andrew you know what I'm GonNa do for you in law's not GonNa let me but I'm GonNa win this battle. I am going to do a poker podcast with you. La La maybe in a few weeks where we bring on film youth and a couple of the best prose on the world. Okay so we'll have olive ten listeners. That week confide Andrea unreal all right anyway thanks Andrea and I appreciate it and all the poker players out all the players out there keep listening. Keep playing all right next question. Hey Lila and randgold. Is this man from New Jersey? Me and my kids asked lutely love watching La La on ener pump rules and I love listening to your podcasts. You guys are hilarious. And you are my favorite couple on banner pump rules and I just had a question. I was wondering if you ever considered doing your show. I think that it'd be an absolute number one hit and you guys would be hilarious to watch for an entire hour. All right love you guys I. Would you ever do a spin off babe first of all first of all? I don't know how old her kids are. That are watching banner bump I bet you. They're teenagers Leeann. You're you're a gangster. I love that you and your kids watch answer this question because it was going to say before you answer. This question is the following. I said I would never do your palm and you did right and I'll say I'm going to say I would never want to do a spin off but at the end of the day you know I you realize if we did a spin off we would have to show it all like we would have to show our fights. We'd have to it would be we go on toes. We love hard play hard fight love heart and I found out I love hard. Look you're looking at me right now. See that's what I would do spin off in two seconds. Mention it all mention it. Anyway I would. I would prefer not to spin off but if my fiance force B Two. I probably would fold at some point. Well I we have to get an offer I've Aleutian. Where you at broke introduced my shit all right. We have one more voice my love. This one. It's Syrian I'm from Tulsa Oklahoma or should I say toll set Oklahoma with nothing but a whole is a visit. I vote Yes for James Kennedy coming back. We love him. We have so much fun listening to her and she is so awesome and I didn't get to see him when he was here so I'm sad Other than that. How much my question for you and Randall is. How much of a decision this? Randall have actually planning the wedding. Would you say it's like ninety ten or fifty fifty or do you make any calls and if you do what calls if you have to make about the wedding thinks rand. How much are you involved in the wedding planning? This is funny because she asked fifty fifty or ninety ten. I think you're more ninety and I'm more ten okay. That is okay. I'll tell you. Can I tell you the truth? My opinion yeah. I think when we started the wedding process. I think maybe I was ninety. Ten my favorite in the beginning you were ninety time. Where the ninety. I think I was driving the train like you were fine getting married with six people. Yeah but now and be honest law and see the smirk on your face telling me I believe today my power has completely gone and I believe handed it over to now. Neither of US have power in our moms split. It fifty fifty. Whatever you say these days. I'm kind of like I just want you to be happy. So we run yes. Randall is a movie producer. So this wedding. He sees it like it's a movie like it's a production for me. I've been very vocal about this. I have never dreamed about getting married. I wasn't that kid as a young girl. No I was thinking about like all I wanNA do is new to Hollywood like. That's what I saw while most girls are like wearing veils and shit. That wasn't me so for me. I was like luscious. Have small wedding will invite our close friends and family and call it a day. Randall and his producer mind was like no. I need a fifty piece orchestra and a piano player and a liar. Fifty person quiet. It'd be honest law man. Yeah Yeah Way before your fans think that this is you're still mine. No no no I feel now. I just want to when it came to cancelling the April eighteenth wedding and we were like okay. Well we can still do it that day. But we'll do it. Very small COULDA had a small wedding. I was like Oh but now I have this extravagant wedding in mind. I want the fifty person choir that is true and by the way fans of law. I will tell you she really had a moment where you could have decided. Let's just do the courthouse small. Whatever yeah and you said no I my mind is. They're now like I want to celebrate and the best way and I will tell you our wedding now having gone through this quarantine like the rest of the world. I even told my mother. The celebration we're going to have is gonNA mean so much more than anything we've ever celebrated because it's almost like a celebration of freedom freedom again addition to the romance and the love that we have. I think we're GONNA be so excited to enjoy every moment of that week. Absolutely today was fun. Podcast we got to answer your questions we have recap lev is on the podcast. I'm feeling good. I feel like I can send our listeners into their homes again today. Guys keep moving around it. You know what I do law. I go from the kitchen to the bedroom to the family room and I just pretend I'm going to different cities you know I do. I'm like the kitchen is Paris. And then I go up to London in my bedroom and then go to the playroom and I think like that's like Disneyland. So I just I just keep it in my mind. It's like moving around. Oh it's like we're all getting our creativity back. I love it all right. You guys have the bus day ever stay safe. Stay healthy we love you and we will see you and talk to you next week.

Lala Randall James Raquel anxiety California Lila CAL Raquel motherfucking Hollywood Lisa Vander la La London La Mrs Lawa Palm Springs La La La Jim Jenna Raquel Levin
Little: During a Difficult Family Discussion, Someone Knows the Right Thing to Say

Happier with Gretchen Rubin

03:38 min | 2 years ago

Little: During a Difficult Family Discussion, Someone Knows the Right Thing to Say

"I'm Gretchen Rubin and this is a little happier. Happier is brought to you by quip. One of the most important things we do for our health every day is brushing our teeth yet. Most of us don't do it properly. Quip is a better electric toothbrush that makes brushing your teeth, simpler and more affordable. Go to get quip dot com slash happier right now to get your first refill pack for free with a quip. Electric toothbrush. I'm always looking for examples of people knowing the right thing to say, this is such a challenge in life. We're faced with someone's grief, disappointment, anger, frustration or guilt, and we want to offer comforting words, but we don't know what to say. So I love hearing someone get it right. I saw a wonderful example of the right thing to say on a TV show the Amazon TV show transparent. This show is about the pfefferman family in Los Angeles, two parents and their three grown children who go through various challenges. The moment I want to talk about was on the show way back in season two spoiler alert I am going to talk about something that happened in the show. So if you don't wanna know, skip this episode of a little happier, and it's also a sad story. So you may want to skip because of that a bit of backstory for the moment I wanted to Scott is that in season two episode, one, the character. Sarah is getting married her second marriage on the day of her wedding, DJ. Josh tells their sister alley, a secret. His girlfriend Raquel is pregnant and because no one in this family can keep a secret soon, the whole family knows and then their mothers, Shelly is so thrilled by this news that she cannot resist announcing it to a big crowd of people at Sarah's wedding. Later in season two episode, seven, the pfefferman family who is Jewish is celebrating Yom Kippur the day of atonement. This is the holiest day in the Jewish here and as part of it people fast. In this episode, the youngest child of the three children alley is hosting a break, fast celebration in her apartment. She's invited her family and various family friends to share a meal. Everyone's sitting around the table there. Eating talking. People start to say to Josh, where's Raquel? Whereas Racale. And finally, he steals himself and reveals what has happened. Raquel lost the baby and Josh and Racale broke up. Shelley immediately bursts into loud sobs. I'm. This is nine, your all my. The wedding, the wedding. Told everybody. Thanks everybody to celebrate it. I brought up the evil eye like healed the may. You. So here's the question. What do you say to this woman in her grief and her guilt? What could comfort her Shelley's new boyfriend, buzz news just what to say and what to do. He reaches out and puts his hand on her back in says, an gentle, almost humorous tone Shelly here. Not that powerful. When I heard those words, I felt a tremendous rush of relief. Those words are comforting because they're true. She's not that powerful. I'm Gretchen Rubin, and I hope this makes your week a little happier. Panoply.

Gretchen Rubin Raquel Shelly Josh Shelley Sarah Los Angeles Amazon Scott Racale
H.E.R. and Raquel Castro

NBC's Songland Podcast

26:36 min | 10 months ago

H.E.R. and Raquel Castro

"In. High Ester Dean this Assad landslide cast today on the show. We're going to hear from the amazing her and win a writer Miss Raquel Castro. It was awesome hanging with her on the set of the show. She Super Uber talented. She just stands not only just her craft, but how to redefine what artist is really respect this woman? She's showing other artists away to just be yourself until your story in keep. Those sound didn't what she did on. The show was amazing, bringing in other writers like herself in showing that where she came from an showing her journey and being able to give back in such a way, it was amazing. So without further ado, here's hurt. My journey as a songwriter, I think it's been kind of difficult to be honest in songs you know, and to take something from your bedroom more from voice note to really recording it and putting it out into the world so I. Know How tough it can be to be a songwriter. Then you also learned that. There isn't much to learn. You just have to speak from the heart. You have to be honest with yourself in your riding. My sound is so many things. It's arm be at the core, but it's so many other things and. You Know I. It's definitely emotional. Sometimes, it's electric, sometimes warm I don't know if it's just one thing it's. It's everything what makes a great song a great melody you know something that's unforgettable and unforgettable melody, and I think the truth. You know something that. You know everybody has has felt or gone through or can relate to I think those things make a great sal. I feel really hard when I hear a song that reminds me of a moment or memory, or that reminds me of something. I feel most of like the purple rain album. Made me feel so much. You Know Dangelo are some of my favorites, Alicia keys. Of Lauryn Hill. Songs in the key of life all those albums or like my favorite these. Plays over and over again it never gets old and. I always feel like. I don't know what it is. That feeling is when you hear a great song but I get it from all those albums. SONGWRITERS are so important. You know they don't get enough recognition, but. You know for a lot of artists. They make the art senior. They make they make a lot of people feel something and you would never know that. It's the person writing like I feel like. A lot of songwriters artists have written so many songs in, and you see them walking down the street and you would never think like he wrote. You know wrecking ball or Songs that we we've known our whole lives. They don't get enough recognition. The experience of being at saw land is much more special because people get to see behind the scenes of what happens in writing sessions. It's like you're literally watching a writing session happen, and that's very rare. You know that doesn't just happen. People don't get to sit in on sessions. People writing hit songs. The energy here is is so free, and it's so fun, and it's like there aren't any rules, but to just make a great song. That's really why being here. I love Ester. She's so dope. She's created so many hits. Somebody songs that I still play. That are still in my playlist, and she's just a cool person like she's a great energy, and and I think that's why she so successful at what she does because she loves it Shane on my Gosh. You know national is one of my favorite places to right, and he has so much of that Nashville him. That just makes me so anxious to get in the studio with him. He's just so warm in. His writing is incredible like he has written so many songs that I love. and. I know he knows about storytelling like he's really about storytelling and that's that's my way of writing just picking up a guitar and being able to talk it out. Right I fan girled when I walked in because I'm such a huge Ryan Fan like I'm a huge Ryan Fan I told him his voice has always affected me like I love his voice so much so the fact that I got to work with him on the show was like it was kind of a dream. Come true it was. It was kind of like a a vision board. Thing because I'm such a big Fan. That was the amazing her. So now we're going to hear from the winning writer Rick Kill Castro and her journey as a writer, and how she created her winning song wrong places. My name is Raquel Castro I'm from Long Island New York I'm a singer. Songwriter and I won the her episode of Song Land With My song wrong places. The first time, anyone even mentioned songwriting to me. I was probably around six years old and a family. Friend of mine was at my house. He's one of my dad's best friends growing up and he was in the music industry and He just started playing these chords on the guitar and I. At the time I loved beanie babies, so I wrote a song about beanie babies, and I just started kind of like free styling it and he I remember. He told me he was like. You're going to be a songwriter one day. When, I was fifteen years old I started working with this producer and a friend of his. She was his co writer, and they brought me out to Los Angeles and we did this cover actually that we released on Youtube, and during that process we started writing songs together I learned a lot from that experience like whether it was just being in the studio and learning how to professionally track my vocals, and also just learned the actual structure of song. So then when I was sixteen years old, I did a show called the voice on. NBC and I remember coming back home from that experience, and just really being so inspired to write songs I was surrounded by so many talented people on that show I. Just remember loving everything that was going on, and just being so inspired by them and learning so. So much from them hours like a sponge is kind of taking in, and since then I just started letting everything, pour out, and I didn't really know where it was going to go and had a lot of learning to do as an artist and development, but I just think from the experience that I had on the voice, it was my first step. Professionally, in the music industry, and that's just kind of what set everything offer me. So when I wrote wrong places, which is a song that I one song land with it was about a year ago, I was in Los Angeles and going through a break-up. Obviously, when you're in Los, Angeles, you can meet a lot of crazy people in. Not The most genuine people or Find yourself in east tricky situations and You know I was. Twenty four years old and I was having fun. I was going out with my friends, drinking lots wine and I just some such a hopeless romantic that I just always just wanted to meet somebody that just made me have that feeling that I was missing I was. In this weird place going through this break up, but also wanting to be loved and missing the love that I had in my past relationship. So that's kind of what inspired the song and I had these court ideas in my head. This really cool progression, and so sometimes I'll record that in my voice memos, and then I will start creating melodies over chords that I create my head, so that was kind of the process. It kind of started out me, singing, dum, dum, dum, dum dum! and. and. And then over that voice memo I would just keep it on loop, and I would just come up with melodies, and the one lyric that I sang was looking for love and all the wrong places. And then one of the lyrics was looking for love and other places, looking for love and all the wrong faces. I'm always looking for love. When wind drunken faded looking for love in all the wrong place A. Came for often knowledge face he. Always, looking for enough. When on one token faith? So. It's like I know going to looking for love in all of these. Wrong people in situations, but I still want it, and that's kind of. It was just as internal mental battle that I was having with myself like I. Want it I know it's not good and I'm romantic and maybe I shouldn't be doing this, but it's still kind of fun, and you know all of those like weird feelings that you have in a situation like that and from there. I sent my ideas. My rough ideas to my friend back home in New York Zach Powell who helped write and produce a song with me and he took what I did, and then made it even cooler, and created an even cooler chord progression. He got where I was trying to go with it and. It does really helped the song to grow. Originally I think he made it a little bit more Staccato and then we kind of tried to make it flow a little bit more and make it more fluid, so he did you know more progressions instead of just very choppy things and we just got it to a really good point of feeling like it had army vibe, but super pop and like just I. Don't know it's so hard for me to describe that part of things because it's like the way my brain works. I'm like all right that sounds. Sounds Great, right? That doesn't sound good, so we're not gonNA do that, so it's like I. Don't know his technique and I don't even know if he does because it's just like a natural God, given talent, but he's one of those people that get exactly what I want. Even if I can't like, verbally, express it if I just give him a few notes, or if I just sing the melody like I feel like he can just figure things out in his brain like a mad scientist. It's really crazy. And just started creating this idea, and then just ran with it, and then just went straight into the studio to record it. It was just really cool to see the progression of the track against. As! ME. The. Question make. Them soon. Shit. Show. How to lose. Just feel like the stars aligned for this one and I just remember the place that I wrote this in and I just feel like it's a really relatable song for anybody that's either going through a up or has been through a break-up or has never even had a relationship and wants love. There's just so many different perspectives that can be taken out of the song. So I'm really glad that wrong. Places was one of those songs that came to life because now here. Is just really cool. So when I walked through the doors of Song Land I had no idea who it was going to be four. And then when I found out that her was my artist I'm like I can really hear her singing this like she would kill it and just take it to a whole other level. So for my first take of singing in front of the producers and her. I remember my heart was beating out of my chest, sweaty palms, like short of breath like all all of that I was just so nervous, and as a songwriter I feel like it's even more vulnerable to do something like this because you're going in front of Grammy Award Winning Songwriter, producers and a Grammy Award, winning artist, and you're singing a song that you wrote from your heart. You're just spilling your guts out. that. was nerve wracking for me. Hello. Cool to be here, this is a song called wrong places. Let's hear it. For. All the wrong case A. Look. All these faces. Always looking for on one trump concern. Kill. Question McCain. Home? That just think. How? I was told young to set. But I just love tools sentimental. Looking for someone to write although woods to my instrumental. It's. Bitch bitches. Only Thing Green. How. Does. Make. Just onto the, God. She gets it after I finished singing Ryan. Header got the piano and he picked up the courts right away. I was like Oh. My God he's playing these chords. It's crazy like they were coming up with ideas only. Me Tell me that you think. They don't. Even more like that could be the bridge. They started like changing a few different lines. Who'd have said? Show me how love and then we. Again. I'm always looking for us when wind drunk and faded. Yes and even like lust with trust to like it's. This is just like when you're warned. Drunken faded. Yes, it was just the coolest constructive criticism that I've never really had the opportunity to have 'cause. It's always just been me singing into my phone or just writing. In my notes so just to have that bounceback with people that are just so well respected in the industry I never thought in a million years that I would have that type of opportunity, and that in itself was so cool. So when I got to move to the second round I, remember like thinking like who who am I going to work with I would be happy any which way because they're all amazing. And so I walked into the room, and I saw Ryan I was so excited because I'm such a big Fan of Ryan header. With the other producers as well, but I just remember like when apologize came out ahead of my space in like anytime I would go through break-up. Apologize would be my song on my space to fit my mood, so to even be in his presence. I was like I wanted to like bow down to him, but we sat down at first before even got into the music aspect of it, and we just went through line by line, and we were like okay. Let's make sure every single line makes sense. I was told him to settle age. Ain't the thing I'm just to sino-middle AJ. Thing there at his age thing too sentimental, so we changed lyrics to just kind of conclude. Conclude each line originally, it was looking for Lebanon all the wrong places, looking for love and all of these faces, so we wanted to say looking for love, and all the wrong places looking for love and all the wrong faces. We definitely changed that, and we changed the end of the hook as well. The lines I've been feeling lonely Homie told me that you think I'm pretty. Show me how to love again, so that's kind of cool because it keeps it open to the imagination, and anyone can really take that line and make it whatever they want to mean. And then we actually facetime her as well which I didn't expect, and her came up with an idea dinnenn. Not which I loved. So it started with an acoustic element and then started to progressively grow throughout the track. Once we got in with all of that and we got the storyline down packed. That's when Ryan hit. The button played this really cool. Drum pocket idea. It fit perfectly and sat down. And play these really cool cords. I feel like that. Just kind of lets the song breathe, and it still makes the story line message. Important and helps tell the story. It was awesome like it. Just everything made sense. It was just so much fun I forgot. Cameras were around like it just felt like I'm in a writing session with Ryan header and this is happening. Really really cool and comfortable. So when I sang wrong places for the second time in front of the producers and her I. Definitely was feeling a little more calm. I knew what to expect and in my mind I was like you know what I mean. has this I got to kind of dance a little bit? I'm a dancer as well and everything just kind of came out all at once and It was just liberating. US All face. I'm always looking for. On A. Question make. Type. Thing! How? THAN THE Hello We all. A. This is GonNa be really hard for me to say but. The song that I chose to. Record is. Wrong places. I remember my heart dropping and I was just like Oh my God. I can't believe this is happening in one of the things. She said that just made me feel so good inside, but she's like. When you came out here I didn't expect. This soul to come out of you and you know I was just pleasantly surprised that really stuck with me as an artist and as a songwriter, you could really get inside your head a lot and feel really insecure and question a lot of things, but her. You know those words really inspired me and. Kind of just gave me that confidence that I needed and just really. This whole experience did that for me. Brian, they really killed it. They really nailed the song. They added the flavor that needed. They made the words. More meaningful, and and and they made sure every line mattered you know, and that's so important with songwriting I always try to like be a line or see if there's something I can do better or word that can choose it's that's better or the rhyme scheme. Make it more clever, and they did that especially with the beat a much happier with it. If feels like a classic. Kind of RB Song, the cords are very. Unique, but they're very classic, and I think that the melody is so new, but it could have been done in a different time in a and I think you know the guitar is a lot more raw on the record, and I think this album making is. Is a lot more organic and it's a lot more raw, but it's still elevated in. It's still. Those melodies that Kinda catch you off guard I know. The song is going to be crazy when I get on my gin the studio. Well I never thought that I would ever have the chance to do this but I get to debut my first song with a major artist, and it's called wrong places, and this is her singing wrong places. Looking for love all the wrong place. US Face! Joking Fade. I was told to young said of. Agent thing I'm. Looking for someone to other words. Awesome. That's off of this episode. Song Land is here for the Community of songwriters and I'm so excited that you guys are getting to be a part of it altogether and make sure you come back for next week. We have Martina McBride and the winning writer of that episode. Mr Dean episode

writer Ryan producer Raquel Castro Alicia keys Ester Dean Lauryn Hill Grammy Award Nashville NBC US Martina McBride Los Angeles Shane Youtube Assad Rick Kill Castro Los
James Kennedy and Raquel Leviss, Everything You Didn't Know About Them

Scheananigans with Scheana Shay

45:30 min | 11 months ago

James Kennedy and Raquel Leviss, Everything You Didn't Know About Them

"They from Vendor Palm Rules to Vegas and everywhere in between. It's time to party scene. This is and then again. And now here's your host Sheena Shea Alot. Everyone thinks for listening. We're podcasting from quarantine again but today I have my boyfriend back goes with me. What's going on? Hey Oh hey how are you? He didn't do it every time. We do a podcast. You always like ask people how they're doing but then there's no in there. 'cause I learnt Melissa More I learned. Yeah okay well. I'm excited because today for the first time on my podcast we're GonNa have her cal and James in my podcast before but I've never had them together. Raquel Welch bodies yes so give me one SEC. The squad is hair now when I mentioned squawk my view hi guys. Hey Sheena. Hey Hello. Hello what up that. Well so we we kind of have your whole squad here. You're so right before you guys came on. He was just sane. Oh my squad my squad so explain fortnight only a fortnight reference. Yeah I'm not on the squad. The fourth person is Brett Cap. But he didn't need to be on your on our squad today. Euro squad supported. Okay only cheerleaders in law for nothing. You can support me. I'll do the leading cheers. And then you guys are the squad. So yeah how his quarantine live guys. Ben Corentin life has been pretty productive for Jayme productive for me. Because I've got home studio our make my music and you know for me life just make. I can't make sure I eat workout shower. Make Music James will literally spend hours in our home studio hours in one room looking at his computer making music and I'm literally going stir crazy. I have the same surroundings every single day. I'm losing my mind but James Somehow is thriving and I feel like brock is kind of like that way to you. I mean I'm see that's another thing I want to ask you. Guys is the difference of being in a house in an apartment in Quarantine. Because like here. We definitely have more space. He can go in the garage and do workouts in his video. Pullover the sunny skies here. It's been raining and we've got a little grass area in the back where we take Graham for walks which is nice thank God we have that because like I'm thankful we have that but yeah it is definitely confined space in the apartment. Definitely Jealous of your house in Palm Springs ones at save. I'm having a party like a small under like fifteen people party but I'm going to still be out here for my birthday and I was like away but I can't like have people over so that's okay. There's bigger problems in the world and my thirty fifth birthday winter middle middle aged going on. I feel like it is down the middle aged more plenty in front. I thirty five was kind of a big deal for me by. I mean my birthday. I always make a big deal but thirty five. I was like I feel like this is one last reason to have like a big celebration until forty five years the pie between now and your home all right twenty one next week so we'd probably home so is there anything in quarantine live that you guys have like learned about each other they're like mannerisms or pet peeves that like you. Maybe didn't notice that you do now that you're together like twenty four seven remain about what? I'm I'm shocked. I thought John have a whole list of pepease anti now. Well it's like. Sometimes I get upset the dishes on done on history after he cooks. Yeah okay so I'll wake up in the morning edition and things. I'll put those away. I made breakfast. And then there's more things so it's like okay. I'll put those away tonight. It's dinnertime dishes constant constantly so I'm always out of silverware. Some go paper plates. And that's another thing because when I'm cooking like a filet mignon and asparagus and mashed potatoes won't play not on a fucking pain over there here for me. Yeah you're right. I I just feel like thinking like confined spaces. I feel I feel like I'm thinking of you guys location where you live in them. Just thinking like cellblock now know we have. We love our apartment. You know we've beautiful view of Hollywood and I see the hills every day and I'm very thankful for the kitchen. We have definitely make do. I'm quite the chef so I'm cooking up steaks chicken fish salmon. We got it all. Go in and actually my cooking's goes have gotten better because I've been forced to cook every day and I know we should be cutting still skills. Were already fantastic. It's yeah mom. He's so good and they catch and brock mix like. I don't even know how he just like creates these things like from nothing to Mike Whites but yeah. He just made a weight. I May Day right. Yeah you just meet those. Those caves actor each other. That's not the other day we're back coachella weekend already long. Yeah I think we don't mean street one. Yeah if not I mean. I talked about owner doctor anyway. Okay so one thing I want to mention one thing to recall them and I want to get into a big thing about James Your Sobriety Fi. I just have to say we're all watching the show this season. I mean every season I was telling broadcast the other night and we were watching. They said recalls by far the prettiest Auburn Vanderbilt Fox. By I just wanted to say like from you've been on for four years now and there is just every season you have always kind of like same with me where we can tend to be on the outside at times but you've always been such a strong person and you really stand up for yourself when I feel like people like mistake. Your kindness for weakness and I just literally love so much like watching you stand up to law because it's like a la La or Dossey with like nice girls like us like it can be hard to speak our mind and I just want to say I admire you for that and I actually like. That's one of the things that I was watching the scene with the law. I was like I felt like I kind of have lost that the last few years and I've just become even more positive and I'm just like whatever. Let them walk all over me and then I see you and I'm Mike Suck. Yeah yeah definitely. I think that's your compassion. And your client is actually a strength as well like so like. I'm Josh. You can stand by. We'll mommy not changing my ways improving invites doing the same thing. That's the strength in character and I. It really speaks one. That's what you've actually what you've done for yourself so well done thank you. I really appreciate that because in reality. Tv In that world. A lot of it is. What's the word you are? Sorry what am I trying to say? Mike? Your show a fake reality. World now expected to spectrum so all over the place and so jerry hang in a in a large way like large way. I'm not over the top and that isn't me so now I am realizing is okay to be like the kind girl that's compassionate with other people and that's who I am and I don't have to change that totally but I just. I love seeing that when she's like oh. I'm going to remind you of your place and you're like Oh we're having a conversation. I was just like yeah. I'm pretty sure the point I was outside with Danika going through her shit because we are not remember this happening. Like how do you have been around the same time but by gender? How long have you been on the show? You said four years so he is. How long have you on? The shirts will same fin on one so I feel like I think I think it was like a big one. The biggest one for me on that one. Is You count? I actually saw that the other day to like I feel like women to empower the women uplift each other you content around and turn better than somebody else and that's just the characteristics so I think law responded to you and I think he'll respond to she. She reflected on her actions as well. So that's that's my input on that one. I just wanted to say that before we get into too much of that because I just think it's really good and relatable for someone to be able to see that like the nice girls do still have a backbone and I hate when people call you dumb. It really pisses me off. I'm like I'm really not remind everyone what you have a degree in as so few of us on the show have degrees but I have a degree in kinesiology and emphasis in occupational therapy. Yeah she's smart people. Come on this have been. I've been in quarantine. I need to go to the doctor some of that. But maybe you could check it out for outside. We don't know we'll figure that we know workouts on and just stop in halfway through in his yelling at my clients and keep going with a bungalow eggs. Yeah okay the one of the biggest things that I really wanted to talk to you about James as how proud I am of your sobriety. How many months has been now ten months two more months for a year DASA months for? Yeah Yeah June fifth. It'll be excited for that. Yes how good feeling. Good this last. Ten months have been an absolute blessing for me and I've read discovered so many things about myself I've rediscovered. Dj In my passion for music. And I've come to terms of what I WANNA do with my life and how I WanNa do it and I thank God that Raquel stuck with me until this moment because I feel like sleeping until the last ten months my life. And it's just. It's a crazy awakening for me. You know I take things in differently and I'm just blessed to be here and I'm just so excited full. The future. One years I grew up I grew up with addictions in my family. Not a lot so my sisters. I mean I've seen her go in and out but she's she's crushing she's on fifteen years law and so. I think personally for me growing up I learned my lesson from my brothers and sisters so I love. I love that to it and I know that they've struggled so I could just from edible going up with that Bar I don come one year on. I'm not the biggest social drinker either. Like it's funny. How it with your friend grip you guys have like. It's always a drink in hand on my hand but it's so comfortable like when you go to a club I walk around and I'm down to have okay. I'll have a water allred born candy but it's like I still feel awkward. Sometimes in a group settings have beverage in my hand. Yeah yeah and it was a moment me when I I quit like you know. I'm still DJ. I never took time off touring. So it's like for me. I was still around and there was a little moments like everyone's doing shots like in hotel room. Or whatever like you and it's like Oh yeah that's doing right now and if I you have to deal with like the first week Two weeks denial of people around. You like Oh Yeah Sean James then and then you get through that. And then say oh. He's being serious. And then you know you start. Kind of like in the clubs. Dj and people like do shots and stuff like that say known. Sometimes you seem like the party pooper. People soon realize that you're not pretty soon as I get on stage and I started doing what I do. The fucking room turns up and that's the time I'm sweating. Probably most of anyone in the room. Because I'm talking out here doing work and get off stage. I feel this exhilarating feeling that I can't describe it's like I'm high but I'm not you know it's like what the fuck did I just do. All these people were looking at me. They won't photos and I'm playing music and you know it's it's really is just something. I I didn't see before because I was masking with this numbness. The alcohol gave me. You know I wasn't seeing what was truly around but now let's see and it's a blessing. Yeah well I just wanted to say that. I'm very proud of you. I've seen such a change. Whenever like I get asked in interviews like Oh. Who Do you think's changed the most? I think they're always expecting it to be like. Oh like law here. You know like someone who's like become like worse since the show. If I really think about it I think James has changed the most and in a positive way thank you. I really appreciate that you know like when looking back now on the show and watching me like you know go ham. I saw I was we were watching. Bravo and vander pump roles. Reruns were playing and I saw your episode your wedding episodes. Yeah like Oh my God. Jayme shooting is getting married. It was so funny I watched the whole episode and then I saw James Drunk his drunk in Iraq especially Kristen. I was like Oh man. I'm like I'm so proud of you. Like I see such growth and him and it's really for the best. Yeah I enjoy life way more now. It's awesome sour grapes. One Hour. No so there's there's a there's like a two part question from two different fan so sour grapes wants to know what are some positive changes in your relationship and then at Salvador Twenty Two D. A. Dot N. T. Wants to know is the sex really better ones sober sexist better so and I think spend a lot more quality time bomb. I'm not worried about where the night's GonNa go if we do go out. It's always a constantly got like I'm going home. Yeah a McGowan. Okay now go ahead but like I'm ready to go whenever she wants to go now because I'm not looking for that. Final destination of getting fucked up. I I think yeah. Exactly take that look at the success that comes from that what you get in review so much at home in bed nice and I wake up refreshed ready to go take on another beautiful day. It's a blessing and I'm thankful for that and works taking off to. I've been DJ more than ever. Now that we've been stuck in quarantine I've got whole ep about drop called jungle of light and I'm super excited. I was going to be released on all major platforms. And I'm just doing this. With people recounted my studio up real nice for my birthday and cool it the neon jungle and saying. I've seen that. Yeah I do my life streams and stuff side. This music has just been created jungle of light who we got workout. You're GonNa help me I gotta do. Sheen is room for her condo. Surprise Input Session has gone. We're turning her own bedroom into podcasting and youtube studio four months quarantines over the second bedroom my apartment completely gutted right now and we're going to order a neon. It's all happening sign and I wanna just kind of started transferring everything more to like at home like have like a Youtube Studio podcast studio. That's really cool. Yeah I love that. That's a great idea if you have the space for that it's such a good investment because now you take every dedicated to so much more professional even my little studio now. Do my live streams. And we've got this. Tripod fits perfectly on the table. And I'm just like damn this league. Say Yeah thanks dope. It's feeding of all that Brooke. Hal I think you should start a youtube channel. I have been wanting to start youtube channel. Ever since Youtube was a thing like in the middle school I wanted to start one. But I don't know I'm like I over. Think it too much. I'm a perfectionist. I'm going to take way too long. Editing videos I like now that we're in quarantine. I really don't have an excuse so if I really did want to make a youtube channel. Now it'd be the time right exactly and I have an amazing person who can also videos. I mean I only post one so me to do a job by it no seriously because the majority of questions a lot of people wanted to ask James Sobriety and your beauty tips and tricks and I just feel like there are so many like beauty videos that you could do but also like what I'm doing is just like a lot of the stuff that people don't get to see just the two of you at home together and like all of these moments that you get chopped up versions of but like I just I don't know I think you're thrive on your zero. I made a youtube channel. It would be definitely makeup like glam makeup everyday makeup. I learned how to do my makeup through Youtube. Yeah talking through. Brad's ex girlfriend. The author carly by Paul. Yeah I don't remember watch videos. Yes so I feel like that would be really fun to do. And then like of course around the house behind the scenes I would. I would have loved to do like video of me. Redoing James's Office into his studio room. But right now we ordered a few rugs and we're like amping up our home space because we're spending so much time at home. Yeah that'd be fun to film something like that because I love interior design stuff. I learned technical. I love that. Well then yeah. That's how I mean. I think Google Youtube what I really enjoy about. It is this gives us a platform but again like things that people don't know about you guys like for a great way for us to express these little things. Let's go if we will go a youtube channel. What would be some things that people don't know about you well? There's lots of union that people don't know brock. Okay giving me out because I would do. I would do James in the kitchen segment me just making accent cooking them stakes talking about sources Paprika. Baso Pepe Okay. Down with that. And then I'd like to do some studio sessions stuff like show people how I make music how I start some creativity like. Where does it come from like? I've got a lot of it and I just want to put it out there that's awesome. So that's what I would do recalibrate you. Interior design style beauty stuff. That's I don't know I'm Dan Cooking Interior fucking gaming. Show already channel. That's a that's a good spectrum of audience. Roy Who's your audience the world you're GONNA GONNA show on your audience got for. There's a youtube channel. This woman teaches. Our cat had a toilet and it's only dedicated to that. It's a thing like there's this chat thing that goes on top of the toilet talking. I'm looking at my friends. Literally doing it right. You train your video. Content cuts the comeback. There's a woman that has like one hundred thousands of scripts describe it. It's just from showing people how their cat can P in the toy over like a couple of months interesting poop in the toilet his own guys. I was disturbed by this story. My friend sent it to me like that's why I'm talking about in some meet. The parents Jinks here. Whatever their cat's name is only capable but that's a real big guys. How Pena Toll Cat in front of it? Free Pal? Good when you were growing up in southern California did you see yourself on a Reality Show. One day absolutely. Not You know. Even though I was nominated most likely to be on America's next top model gene so gorgeous. I love that I knew I wanted to live in L. A. I just didn't see myself on a reality TV show. Yeah another question. I came in a lot of people. Wanted to know if you'RE GONNA DO PAGEANTS. Oh my gosh. I've been going back and forth about competing again. I age out when I'm twenty seven so I have two more years. Yeah thank you yeah I always get that pageant bug always bites me. I do now. I have such a growth associated with my partner tree because I it pushes me out of my comfort zone and I love doing it but I feel like I'm at the point now where I really do know who I am and what I stand for as a person and it took me a long time to develop that for myself so I feel like I would go into it stronger than ever. So maybe we'll compete. Yeah let's see well if you do. I want to be there okay. Side note I'm teaching. These cast appeared and toilets. Oh my God I just started watching the video and I'm very interested and if I can catch to stop walking in the litterbox and tracking it through the house. I'm sorry Dan the TV's cats had a p and a toilet anyways. Let's move on to more topics you can watch that youtube video hunting or catch on later. Yeah what are you doing over them? I started watching one of these cabinets. Tricks anyway okay. So yeah they suck you in scribner's that's it by what we're going to put that. On next channel boom cats hashtag category million people actually one of your first training videos on county which ball brock taking on a leash. Man Shirtless Go. Oh my God you were so I have to ask Rick how what because I know a couple of days ago? You did law laws podcasts. And I've been asking you for two years to do my podcast and you knew if you did hers. You had to do my but you should have done my I i. What made you change your mind for both of us. I mean we're both getting you in the same week. I feel so special. You are very special. Both very lucky girls. Because I didn't want to do a podcast at all but here I am. I don't know I guess because Vander pump rule what's happening with Vander pump pearls. I feel like now is a good time to don't know just speak up. Yeah represent myself. And I'm not afraid to address things. Yeah And I love you so of course. I'm GONNA do your podcasts. Thanks so it was like two seasons ago on the bachelor honey. One of the girls on there's like a pageant queen and Raquel Ni- like she was like our favorite on the show and I was like okay I was like well recount. What if I can get her on the podcast? Will you co host with me? Because I was going to trigger into doing the show but then it'll be fun. Hunger never got back to me and didn't happen but not much for so long. Where have I get out of this? You come check out the new shoot. Are you GonNa? Have you put me to work on together? We're not just saying Looking at the camera on now this. Give me the head shake. No I'm I'm in. I'm we need. We need more human interaction. Yeah a lot of touched on this before but a lot of people want to know. Do you have a specific skin care beauty routine and also your hair like please tell everyone. Is it all really yours? It's not all really mine hair. Call it's not I have taping extensions from hotheads. They are the bomb and my hairstylist. Barbed hair yes. When I get out of the House for bars she and the Studio Salon in Northern California but she comes down to la every six weeks the civically to do my hair because she loves me so much and I'm so lucky and then she'll take other clients that are based in La But my hair is not truly long as very thin and fine so having that extra hair creates volume that I for sure. Well it looks amazing and a lot of people wrote in about thought. I mean I know you have exceptions. But I don't know if that's like known and it just makes people were short hair full butter. It's like okay. It's actually I could have. I buy that I met. I met recalibrate. Well Not Really Meh. We hung out. I mean who was? Nebraska was sitting on the saw. And I remember thinking of supermodel. Who is this James? You look good. Yeah personals like she liked Miss America going on send me and I was like with her by the embarrassment of cabins. Run on like the misfits at dinner. I Love I was so happy. You came the honey because it was like you got to meet everyone but like in the craziest setting and that was like a big test of like okay if you can get through like that like so you earn as Ronin. Their First Public Appearance Bravo on legs. I mean it was pretty cool to see like the people. React to you guys even when you went up on stage of James when he was DJ. Actually just these people but this is new to universally universe like you do it and also plays into this oath front stage. When you're doing the splits you couldn't see me in the crowd and even call me thirsty for Donald. You know what guys I'm thirsty for Mrs. Kay this vomited. I don't know if you've seen any of my wagner that we had the last one that we did. It just reminded me when he did that. I just left the camera rolling for awhile. Because he's always like we have so many of these good moments that we don't catch because it's like we're like okay. I need to make up for the VLOGGER film. This and it's like you just miss those moments so we set up the camera and it was last Tuesday when I was like. Oh the shows on and I was just like really sad about it and we got a really cute moment. So if you guys haven't see mobile just check it out because that's like the most like real self and that's why. I think you guys should do Youtube to cause us to capture those moments that you don't always see one. It's the summer. Will you convinced me? I'm going to start on my youtube channel. Okay so how was it doing lawless podcast? A lot of people have been saying that. She's not genuine that she's only like apologizing to you because she's looking bad and whatnot and obviously we all know her way better than the audience. But do you feel after the way. She's active the last few years towards you. Do you feel that this is now genuine and you see a friendship blossoming? I do think it's genuine. I think well we've been in touch. She's we've called each other and spoken because those last two episodes were really tough on both of us and after viewing it you know. She reached out to me because she was like. I have a pit in my stomach. I really don't feel good about this and I felt the same way. She said the same to me. So I'm okay. Yes we were on the same page together and she over the phone. She apologized to me and it was very very sincere. And I feel like you know who might not forgive this woman. She she's obviously going through a lot and that's her personality is huge. Yeah and you know. I'm I'm a forgiving person and I'm I'm ready to put all of this behind us and I do see a friendship. Blossoming that makes me feel happy too. Because she's I know she's reached out to several of US recently. Young and there were some things I said on my loss episode of my podcast and I was like I am genuinely hurt by some of the things she said. But I'm like I'm not gonNA text about it. I'm not I WANNA like sit down and have a real conversation in person. I don't WanNa do that. The reunion like anything Mike. Because everyone's like if that bothers you the monarchy say something. I'm like I just want to like we've known a long enough. I want to wait until I see her in person by. I think the word of the podcast got back to her because she also reached out to me and said shared a partner summit for her she had been acting towards me and I was like. I really really appreciate that and like that was all. I wanted to just acknowledge that. You've been a deck because like we've never given any reason to act like that so. I'm happy that she's coming around and I think it's really genuine. This time. Thinks she saw the footage and she was like Holy Shit. Did I actually do that? I think I think it. It was a wakeup call for her. And I think we're on the same page now. God and I mean especially with James in her working on music together. It's good that like you guys can genuinely be under good place and I love that. That's the thing I love about. Our show in our group of friends is like we can really go out each other but like there is so much love there that it's like we always figure it out but then someone else is in figuring it out so it stays entertaining by. I love him. We have these moments because it's just like it's so much harder to not get along with someone to me like it takes energy for me to be a bitch to go. It's just like it's not natural for me so I'm happy that you guys are in a better place for real clear. Brock wanted to know. How did you guys meet? Tell us actually Lala actually asked me on her podcast so I went into an in depth story. I know I noticed I. I know he had asked me before now. Like I'm just going to let them tell Hambo and all his james that's good shit. Tell this story a dressed. I told my side of the story to Lalas populace. Let's say you so recalcitrant table seven right next to the deejay booth and obviously I noticed it it because I was like. Wow this really pretty girl sitting right here with her for the family wanted me but she comes up to me and she asked me to play beyond say a couple of hours before. Like countdown went. And you know I I normally don't take requests but for Raquel ever and I played outside like every summer paid like ten never plays beyond us play the whole album and play single eighties and see if she stood up. I think he knew I was single. I got that vibe and I had actually show after the countdown on Sunset Boulevard at this legendary spot and it was like an underground brave thing super bowl and I was teaching as well so I'll obviously wanted to get this girl and bring her to my neck spa so I did that. I asked her to kiss her midnight. And she said I guess we like. She came over to the deejay booth. We did that whole thing that I asked her. I current friend to this party. There's an amazing. I actually lost my cell phone. She lost her cell phone right. It was New Year's Eve and I lost my cell phone at this party and didn't realize until the next day so then we had a scavenger hunt for that. You got a good so you're sick. Yeah I on A- that's when they started dating because remember we did their anniversary. Dinner with them weren't taller. Steak place are good storage where the medium in this is the medium between your stories between you two stories the pretty similar. I feel like he's he's heard me. Tell this story so many times because I love telling the story. Yeah I lived it. He lived I WANNA do some fan questions and comments is on. That came in and I knew you would appreciate this rebel at have an essence said Oscar couchville severely gorgeous and smart. She is serving. Elwood's to me. Oh my God right you. I'm honored Heaven Ness Sense at having ESA. You're so sweet doll I was like. Oh my God elwood's she's going to love those at Lindsay g Nichols wants to know. Did you guys feel that? You're portrayed differently on the show. No I feel like you know. Obviously you don't see every part of us because you can only show a little bit I i. What was the question do you think like your portray differently or do you think like what you say that what you see is I think so for me? I mean obviously like on Tuesday nights episode when they ask when I said I WANNA cheeseburger with. Oh Yeah I know I explained to everyone why I wanted it with cheese and the reason why is because I get so you can imagine the Times that I've gotten cheeseburgers without an order number back. What the fuck is that? So we got to make sure those teams to say a hamburger but police get a cheeseburger with cheese. You know you. Just don't see everything yeah conversation. Yeah did you well for me? I mean I've been like this about the first years of the show for me. I just wanted to always like turn out and be crazy and I think that it's me you still think you're still young when people meet me. Oh I didn't know you were so your source taller than I thought I think people really scrawny and not the case like six one six one with three. There's another three common that came in from Thomas Line side. They realized how much Fan Support. They've had they had last year when they were hanged up on so there are a lot of people rooting for you. Guys have comments that came in. Have you guys felt? The love? Felt Lavin honestly. I don't read like all my that. Just can't do that but you know I scroll through. Sometimes sometimes I'll read like the first couple of words and if I find it like open it up and just the messages you guys sent me about your story and your sobriety stories where you touch my heart and and it's those things that keep me going like okay. I'm not going to drink tonight because something like that happened. And it just reminds me to stay stay. Thankful I've been feeling the love from people reaching out to me on Hell's being seen for the polly. Lehman that she is. I know I. I've always wanted to say that. Speak up like you know. It's in these past years. I mean you say that she's the best at it and it's just like you know it's tough for her to get her word across. And this I feel like hard work's getting right across the me. Oh I thought I was on this show. I think it comes down to like how he sided conversation about like yours. Listen and and the reaction that were Callaghan to an issue. It was it was. I'm still going to be the same person I am. And she stuck to that. Now Characterize Kylie Greg to that being the girls just because that's what you are and look. I think everyone is seen it and they really see that traction of this stability of a good person. So that's cool that we can hang out in your all muscular. I mean for a second there. I thought I had to change something about myself. I thought I had to change now. I ask bigger and more entertaining but now I'm realizing I don't have to change any no not at all. I think one thing too that I don't know about James. Actually but I think so that one thing that we all have in common is getting bullied younger as a kid so I think when you know what's I guess we have that back story and to see you stand up to a quote unquote. Bully is very empowering for everyone and I commend you again for that. There are some other questions that came in about the new cast. And did you want to ask one of those are Kerry? Because I feel like I feel like the show I saw. How do you guys do you guys feel excluded from an divide between what's going on on the show right now? How do you guys fall into place with everybody? I this year I feel like I have been the least excluded I've ever been. Yeah that makes sense. I feel like I've been pretty included in everything. I was shocked when Katie invited me to her. Why I was like yeah. I was like okay. Yeah I'll be there horse like yeah. Of course I would love to come so I duNno. I feel like it's pretty good. I mean I. We obviously weren't expecting to go to Jackson Britney's wedding at all so I feel like we. We didn't feel left out. Yeah and not moment. Now I feel left open now. That means that everything in life happens for a reason. Yeah Yes to do a second winning team. Maybe I'll be. I think that would be very happy together. Yeah I just think that any of the cosmic has come on. Maybe I feel like coming into your friend. Group is we're CALC pro contest is very difficult avenue James. So now you've seen the third wave. Could you say a third way or even? Just the new wave of the costumes. Come on do you think. Sometimes you have a conversation and you look at them. You did you just say that to me right now does that make sense agendas behind conversations or generally think that some of these people on the show are just generally on the show to segue or might be just just WanNa work at Sarah and have fun with a group. I think everyone's different and I definitely think that there's some funny stuff that they say you know the funny show audience you catch people drag you guys keep going on giving cast is handling themselves really well like really frigging while they are immersed in this new environment. They've never filmed in front of a camera. Crew before and they they're killing it like Dana 's killing her comedy and doncaster. Because hilarious you bite this week I died. I must've watched five times. Says one of the best things I've seen this season nine. Leo's and Pisces don't -magine she goes and she's like trust me. I've dated into Pisces. Strata was quite. What did you say should I? It's not my problem. My phone's been at low behold like flirting between Leeson Bradley One. Oh you guys are offering a cheeseburger with cheese. Okay and then. Someone had elite cheese steak first off. Did you get cheese with philly cheese steak cheese with each vinci saying what is is that a thing I've ever heard of? It was the first second second off if it was a thing how I don't think the thing I haven't heard it before I think that They were both pretty buzzed at that point of whatever it is they think the thing. I just thought it was just completely inappropriate and I was just laughing because this shock of it was is a tiny. It's funny I mean. Come on how could I not fucking love? She's saying fantasy and you know after watching. It was right after the whole thing. Between Britain Lisa. Dana Birthday Party and I wasn't wasn't Britney's his personal China for like two days. My highlights highlight of that Oblast episode on Youtube Ice Shows. But what's watching Ken? Kenza reactions release was the best because he was just like. I'm John Straight I was like. I'm a jealous of Brett. He's young he's a young man. How good hands that much of a Boston? That like that. And he's like woman. You're not doing that book. Kenya where the paints but I also wear pants to act much. Was that date. Awkward outlaw underscore laws wants to know if it was his awkward in person as it came across was awkward at all. We had fun like cheese on your cheeseburger. Hungry Cheese steaks like it was like I was focused on food but it wasn't as awkward as it came up now. Yeah I just I was like I had never heard the fat pussy thing so didn't know that was the thing and on that note. Thank you guys. Finally doing this together. Ricco the great. I love podcast. I'm going to see more. I want to see more of this. Go TO QA support. You guys obviously fun to do it with a friend. Yeah and one Florentine is done. You guys laughter come over. I'll make you dinner your birthday. Yes and will podcast for my new studio that. Maybe you'll help decorate from US some tips via I'll tell you what we can. We can talk about how we can catch up synon- squads so it'd be your up. God Okay I'm not now. Thanks for listening. God thank you. Thanks for listening to shenanigans download new episodes every Tuesday and subscribe on the podcast. One APP at podcast one dot com or at Apple podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review the show on Apple podcasts looking behind and I got my girl with me. We'll get into most of them get over here.

Sean James youtube brock Quarantine Brett Cap Jayme John Straight US Raquel Welch Raquel America partner vander Mike Sheena Shea James Somehow Jackson Britney Melissa
Wendy Raquel Robinson

Ladies Like Us with Nazanin and Nadia

1:01:07 hr | 1 year ago

Wendy Raquel Robinson

"From podcast one and the lady gang are you ready for a relatable unapologetic. Take on life. This is the ladies like us podcast with Nazanin Mandy and you Mohammed what is up y'all happy. Tuesday and welcome back to another a new episode of your new favorite podcasts the ladies lack and just real quick before we get into the show. We want to take the minute you too. Thank all of our amazing sponsors. We want to thank them for all of their support to learn more about them. Check out the show notes for this episode and I got a cat that story straight out the gate out or cats stories. I WANNA cat theory raciest Cat Lady Lover Me. Okay go on proud of it so so I like the cat stories. I'm not a Cat lady but I love the cats. She loves my cat. I love cats. I'm just a dog person. I get it. No it's like and it's so weird because you can tell who's a cap. It's totally obvious you you are a cat talk. I`Ma Dougie Done C._B._S.. So my story my story okay so I'm. It's probably like five in the morning. Okay <hes>. I'm kind of up kind of not okay so I'm just GonNa say I'm still asleep. Yeah okay all and I'm by myself sophomore okay. I'm laying in bed. All of a sudden the head part of the bed starts to lift out of nowhere. Oh okay we have a tempurpedic bed at home and it's adjustable right. You can pull up the top you can pull yet see you can make get comfortable. Those a double on the power of Christ compared you so my eyes eyes are closed and it's lifting you think it was an earthquake way. I was just like okay. I'm so afraid to open my eyes the because I might die. I don't know if like a murderer is standing over the bed lifting the head part up but just think I fall asleep watching you think of the worst ever. What am I gonNA see when I opened my. What is happening right now? I keep moving and I don't know why okay so I opened my eyes and I looked to my right and unlike nothing's there. Nobody's in this room okay. I'm trying to figure out which candidate is with us. I looked Munshi has his paw on the remote and he's looking at me yeah watching the bed lifts. This is a scary story he literally that's it's a little much for me. Why don't really mess with I turn to him and I just was like what are you doing like. He's answer me back acker some yeah. He's a wake-up bid. I like Kinda yelled at him and like he put his paw back down on the visual. I have is good of his little nubby. Stuff is like his staredown of his eyes and it's like he's just Assyrian you down like I could see. I just started laughing like there's nothing you can do it that way to wake up yes and then he just hopped on the bed yeah and just came like nothing happening. Hilali was terrifying at first yeah. Of course your bed is moving. Yes like like fight. Nobody nobody's home. What the hell's happening right now? My Cat Story. Should we have a cat story every week I can I can I eat. There are so many things that my cats do. I'm sure I could find a story every week. Share with you our dog store. I mean pennies just this chill. She doesn't do shit. She lays there but her her eyes say so yeah. She's very express a size yeah and you know when she's annoyed annoyed when she's happy scared. Yes you just know you feel them. In is very I would say that certain dogs have human she hasn't she totally has that she she's human human but she doesn't do like those kinds of things. No it doesn't use remotes for humans women's well. Oh my God. I'm like right now like literally feel like I just forgot what my high implode like. Delhi senator forgot it. Okay well 'cause I totally I'll start with mine all right my high of the week. I'm not pregnant. That is my high of the week and it's your best highs for now one day. I want to change but for now I'm happy I'm not. We had scare okay. I was a week late on my period but it's so weird because you have the I have an idea of the copper the copper one non-hormonal hormonal because I don't need any more hormones kill. Somebody and somebody is Miko exactly copper I._U._D.. The and you ever hear a news report. No it was not me. It was not so she's not hormone so yeah. I don't know what happened. I think it's stress because I'm like yeah. <hes> dress really does weird things to you really like. I don't really sleep and then my stress comes from my mind not shutting cutting off right like I think about everything I have to do probably ninety percent of my day yeah and it stresses me out and but I thought you meditate you. Don't meditate here here and there it Charlie Anita shut my brain. I know that's that's the same problem. There's gotTa be other ways. No I actually I recently spoke with somebody <hes> about my I struggled with meditating and they told me about this place. It's called insight L._A.. Okay and it is a place where they teach you how to properly properly meditate. A lot of people do not know how to properly meditate. They think it's you know you put something on that is guided right and you close your eyes and it magically takes you to this wonderful calm place and right not how that happens. Isn't it like you have to really like you. Connect with your breathing and all these steps right. I mean for me. The biggest part is disconnecting. You know my mind from essay everything going on around right so it's one of those things where <hes> supposedly this class teaches you how to really disconnect from those things that are happening right so like maybe I need to take. I'll take that with Josh right so down because I I do the same thing. I didn't even sleep last night see Lang. I did not but I did take a long nap so that Kinda threw me off but you know when you don't sleep at night. It's still different yeah. I like literally. My brain was like doing somersaults God. I actually have this like not analogy but I always picture my brain like like spongebob. I picture spongebob in an office across the much of filing in cabinets right and like you know he's doing paperwork and then when things get crazy he's like and he's like this is her. This is at night. He's just opening. An opening and closing drawers and papers are flying. I've never known this yeah. That's how I picture. What's happening inside my can? Can any of you ladies relate to needs to know right. It's on instagram else spongebob and they WANNA know Yeah No. Oh I'm down to take that class. Let's do I really look into it. Then inside we gave you great shut up right. Yes so okay so that's your high. That's great. You're not knocked awesome. Yeah thanks and your loan. My low is that I got my period. That's a low yeah. <hes> you guys went out so Nadia and our other friend Aaron and Darlene Blanca you guys all went out to the Montreal. Yeah we met up with my old clients. Slash Fron candice this shoutout. She loved the candidate. Hey girl <hes> she is damaged. I forgot which bond and Sanchez be as g law. That's her her new so she's an attorney. She's an attorney right so Ballin love her. She's hilarious and she invited us out. We went out and my friends. They got left. I was like what is happening happens. Yeah we Darla to take care but you know what again I got messed up last time appeal. T- so now it's there it's all it always comes. Full Circle Bar thing comes full circle. You know you got to tweet. That's the problem on you. Don't eat. I didn't eat when I got messed up. When she earned this time she got messed up and bonkers always the price so you know what she easing it yeah no but villa great time but but yeah but missed you. I know my pillow is is that 'cause I got my period. I just become even more introverted and I'm like I don't want to deal with anyone right now. Because what if something happens. It's it's extra stress yeah. You know it's a lot I knew. LemMe just be smart about this. Yeah and stay home suffer you and then none no but light it. I'm glad I did it was still a blow because I would have obviously loved to have been there with you. Guys the shit show. I love to eat shit. Show exactly where it's my I love my famous watch. Yes my blow is. I missed watching the show that went down at the Montreal so yeah that's it. Oh My oh my God yeah. It was a mess but it was but <hes> okay so my blow. I'm just GONNA I frigging like shaved my knee off for it was like my knee was a potato alert on visualizing the my God. Oh my God just threw up at my mouth mouth a little bit so that sucked wasn't your vagina. Oh no you know I feel like I always like if I'm GonNa cut myself on a hard hard part of my okay good at least like a knee or an inkling or a Shin Right. It's always the hard part because when you do hard and then you get to the white meat the red dots come to the white men I do not like it hurt as much as I thought it would have cut myself before man. This shit was it would stop bleeding either. It was bad like the whole day. It was bleeding. I can't re- bandaging it was bad wait. Did you ever near your legs when you were younger. Nair never worked for my the league's grow Michigan's Got Persian problem. They should make Persian air. Oh my God it start it okay. We're going to end this idea will edit this hour. We're GONNA make person air nozzles. I will flat the show will if we can make it organic I dunno can but no we actually might be able to yeah not Lily Lily Eh. She's already laser laser. I'm half laser too. There's parts of me that you know I started it but I haven't finished. It takes forever yeah. When you have version problems it takes forever anyways <hes> and then my high. Is it's just simple. We just went to Glenn. Ivey with my family was my it was so my mom's birthday in May and my dad bought us will he didn't bias. I paid a back daughter aw no he. He bought tickets for everybody go to Glen Ivy Hill because that's one of my mom's favorite places so we did a whole family thing but when he bought them in May the weather was shitty so my mom was like I don't WanNa go right now. Let's just wait till it gets goods. She's a smart lady yeah so we went this weekend. It was blazing hot. Ah but not like uncomfortably hot. There was a breeze in the Wa- It was just a good time and you know sometimes. It's hard for me to spend a whole day with my family same. You know I get it yeah it. Yes you know I'm not no disrespect. It's just I think thank a little different. Sometimes they get frustrated and sometimes there's certain people in my family. Maybe that Will WanNa pick on me. It's just a little animosities here and there I mean there's a a lot of triggers yeah yeah yeah yeah or vice versa and then I get an order the other person that I want back and say something and right so unpredictable family this shit Nah normal family shit so it went off without a hitch. Everyone had a great time. It was super relaxing. Omar Came Armand. John's girlfriend came Angelina love her and it was just a really is a good time any I haven't spent a like a lot like a whole day with my mom and a really long time and she hobbled a lot yeah <hes> she do she did so. I think we're GONNA go see Lion King Nex O nine dying. I cannot wait to see dying so that is all for our week. Yeah coming up next. We'll be chatting with the talented and very hilarious actress Wendy Raquel Robinson. I'm so excited I love her. So Nice you know every every car comes with its own share stories every tar. You know like that one time you put a Gash on the side of your car because he drove off at the gas pumps still attached the night. You broke up with your boyfriend one yup that really happened while you can't put a price tag on your stories now with truecar you can at least find out what your car's worth and when it's time to sell or trade traded it just go to truecar simply enter your license plate number and watch how your car details pop up then answer a few questions navigation and Moon Room <hes> Moon roof. What's a move. It's a roof half the move through. That's what it is watches. They bump up your value high mileage the big thing that you already knew in a cost you but now you come much dues your Wallet Seeping Plan as head and I love to plan ahead sure once you're finished. You'll get a true cash offer sent in minutes which you can take to a local certified dealer to cash out or trade in so when you're ready to experience. A Better Way to sell or trade in your car check out truecar today shoe cash offer not available in all areas all right guys. We are back and today we have the lovely Wendy Raquel Robinson. Let me give you a little background background real quick. She rose to fame as the no nonsense Regina Piggy grier on the Steve Harvey. Show love that show love yes. She's also known as another amazing character Tasha mack another no-nonsense loved her. I think that's one of my faves. I've watched reboot. Yes I watched the game from the very very first episode to the end. I have been a man of you in that show for ever so yes from when you change networks yeah yeah I I caught him. Yesterday I was like where have I been. It is really good. Watch it anyways. We have the wonderfully wonderfully talented and charismatic Wendy Raquel Robinson to talk to us today wing you ladies yes. Yes ladies like a real life star. I love yes. We love this great thank you you made me sound so fabulous you are Oh oh God and your your Lille right. Are you know sign Virgo yeah but I can tell by your cares charisma and just your personality your personal. We'll we're we're season right now. Over incubation phase raw allowed amazing amazing so you've always lived in L._A.. I am born and raised. I feel like I'm a Unicorn. What part is South Central? Okay born and raised went on the product of L._A.. Unified School district while we are. We're rare where California girls too so very rarely policy the commute exactly L._A.. Okay it's my my second home but now I live in L._A.. She's here no yeah Oh. I'm a valley girl Santa Clara Valley Okay I was bus. I was a part of the busing eighteen system when it first started aging no they would take all of the kids from south central and <hes> it was by volunteer and and they would bus us out to the valley for the quote unquote better education and then it was a huge uproar and then <hes> that got stopped took so long or short and say you know what I really don't mess with the valley too often because ugly hey yeah this is back in the eighties and they just didn't want us there. It takes a long time for the tolerance to trickle out from the suburbs valley for a very long time. I left right when I turned eighteen. I there was no diversity and it was something that growing up was uncomfortable. <hes> <hes> so. I knew I had to get out of there. There wasn't much opportunity and you know it just didn't it wasn't very uncomfortable out of the time you fill out a play. Yes Very Italy right yeah. That's why I love L._A.. Because I grew up in O._C. same thing you know and I went from Anaheim which was like more cultural abby exactly we Filipinos and Mexicans and other all the dreamers yeah yeah yeah and then I went to southern California Southern California and it was just not culturally diverse and I realized lice. What color of my skin was? I was like Oh yeah. You're like wow I am darker than you so interesting. How you're taught fought that but as kids we don't even know what I mean which is thought to just love everyone equally so yeah it was it was a huge wakeup call? I'm sorry I digress rest but no no no no one and raised in L._A.. Has had its challenges but I love it will speaking of all of that that we were just saying you were cast as the only only African American to play Cruella Deville ooh which was amazing. Thank you so you switch that role which now we're dealing with aerial right. Ah What's her Halle Haley yeah so it's kind of like a similar. Did you but people are. There's a little bag lashes a little experience. You know what's so funny. Money is so interesting I just went to Cameron's memorial on Sunday. <hes> sorry thank you but when when I was cast as Carrillo de Ville it was the the movie is descendant it's really about I've watched children of the villain right so <hes> but we were big. Though it was myself it was Christiana winds and <hes> Oh God I didn't know you were going to go to defendants but <hes> but I I got no backlash it's great and I guess because it was for the Disney channel and it wasn't like the feeders right so maybe they didn't know he who's GonNa be as big of a franchise was ended up being really really big. It was huge ended up bringing in China Mcclain who plays <hes> say my my name is my name villain China McLean. She plays the new villain. They added her last. Oh God I'm so allowing it anyway. What fairy tales from its she ursula the sea her mother and she's the daughter of that whoopie Goldberg played the voice in descendants anyway plane? Yes exactly yes. It's not about that and and I think it's just really we're putting energy on the whole little mermaid thing because we go back to. I remember Brandy was Cinderella. Oh I remember that Yuki within two Rela. You know what I mean. Whitney played very was Bernadette Peters very diverse cast so I think right now we're so racially sensitive. I think we're sensitive in Chennai so nobody like Oh my God I know now I know it's like. Can we just enjoy cartoon without over sensationalizing right. Oh what this is who this is where they're from ranges. What about the story ended the day? It's all about I wanNA live happily agree and how about we just give a young woman who has talent an opportunity right please. He's also that isn't even the real story so I don't even know why they got their panties in Bonn last thing the real story very dark yeah of the Little Mermaid Yeah. I didn't even know she dies. It's like no it doesn't. She liked drag men to the bottom of the ocean. I swear well. They should make that into it into interesting. I noticed it was like even reading all of the fairytales 'cause I'm a huge fairytale. They're all very dark. Yeah I did a rewrite on Snow White and the seven Oh that's literally cutting out Mohawk and putting bucks. It's like about that. I mean yeah okay. There's darkness darkness yeah yeah so let's talk about that and yeah exactly who's playing the Irish for or it because growing up. We didn't have like we we were excited. When Jasmine came out oh wait somebody <unk> who had some flavor and an attitude? Yes absolutely sheep by what we're saying. This is after this is okay cool riled by right right so now they're getting a chance to Redo these and doing them in different ways that are like now people can see themselves. That's all present time I l lack firm aides to my future children. Go One watch this and and feel represented so I'm all for it. I'm okay well. Let's talk about Steve Harvey Show Yeah we're going we need the detail rallied chemical below the memory every guest interview. We're interviewing Regina Penny and it's like I have two very distinct set of fans either. They know Tasha over Gina Right Regina Donald Right. What if you know both well then good for you ahead? That's what we want. I grew up watching the Steve Harvey. Show making me feel that I grew up watching you with searle incredible phenomenon. We WanNa know your secret laughter. It's all the time and you know over me. It's like you know what I cannot take life so serious. I had my Joe Olsen on coming over his. I'm sorry I got it in the right place because it's like so many things come at. You and it's like I really have to filter exactly what I want to really come into my space because you know it come on. I'm very hyper sensitive but at the same time I just really have to filter would come in and yet as in yeah you know what I mean because it could be tax. How do you go about filtering ain't like what are you? Is it just a feeling that you know what sometimes I can over analyze over process. Hold onto things too long and it's like okay. I'll let let it go. Let it go but then sometimes it's like. It's a gut it's so many especially as women. We really have that and what I learned is like sometimes when you get that that whisper God telling you okay Lee that man alone purchase this or this right but I'm hardheaded. I'm one of those Leo's like but anyway you know but but I really believe that God shows us signs weird is like two years go with a two year last year I had I've been in the same house for twenty five years side proper. That's amazing so exactly yeah but it's hillside. So of course you know you get all of the animals all this that and the other I had a snake inside of my half. Oh but it was was right at the door. Idol only been gone for like an hour and a half went to the gym came back and it was right there <hes> and for two hours waiting on animal control to come onto it didn't move oh we'll the alarm was on and then it started really blaring couldn't punch the alarm and it was just the staredown Mugabe's like I need attention because there is something in your life right and you need to slow down and you need to observe in so I just really you know I use that as a as a parallel sometimes we move were doing so much that the other would just going going going. It's like so that's a part of the filter you know what I mean. That was a big wake on. It's like okay look around and what does that mean but there was a had a snake in my life that it was like let me shit yeah girl and you just realize it's like you already feeling kind of like feeling that way no confirmation. That's nothing like you get those yes burs and it's you don't lose your intuition yeah and then boom boom it needs to be done with it exactly as it and every time we don't listen we ate ourselves as we know and it keeps happening until you listen get worse progressively get worse until you fix the problem right so yeah pay attention to those signs signs of I see not to deal with the rest so laughter you listen to your intuition to my intuition clearly work out. I do work yeah I want and it's it's more for sanity than Vanity Amy because it releases so many endorphins by one groggy what am excellent this is like Oh my God. I haven't been to the gym. Fitness always been a part of your lifestyle. I started as a dancer okay have are you know before I was acting as you know in modern jazz fab labs so so yes so it's it's it's in you. I feel like dancer bodies like never really we leave like when you saw man they take different shapes. They reinvent in fact. You have children. No I know chill working with children for ABC right. Tell us about a- Amazing Grace Conservatory something that started twenty two years ago with my best friend and I and it's so funny being born and raised in L._A.. He used to work at Marla gibbs that she had a <hes> a performing arts school in South Central L._A.. And she closer to wars and they were like it was this plethora of like over one hundred m kids vipul. What are we GONNA do would've kinder gentler me and my best friend? He taught voice taught the anthony acting and it was like she gave us the blessing pass the baton. We didn't know what we were doing. You know what I mean. This is pre Steve. Steve Harvey Show and I was just getting out of college and couldn't get agent couldn't get a manager couldn't do anything and it was like so. What do you do when you're really good at what you do? When you love what you do right you just pay it forward and here we are twenty two years later incredibly defend it has been one of the greatest things ever done ooh? That's your legacy beyond a leg cast been my lifesaver. That's when you work with kids. They keep it authentic and now the kids are grown own now. The kids have their kids. Loren Loren L. Varner. She just dropped buddy like big. He's got his whole song black black black black bag that makes Big Enough. I'm still dreaming but isn't that the beauty of life I feel like at any point life. If you WANNA do something try and do it I do. She's never know if it's not for you. It's not for you and you something else. That's high field. I love that so yeah that's beautiful. It's been a great eight walk. It really is and strip beginning. I feel like it's so many things we're actually in production now. We have a show August third but which is entitled Adult A._G._C.. Marathon continues yeah yeah. It was a huge part. Not only of you know the community immunity but so many of the lives right acted even after his death get now and so we're infusing the marathon of A._B._C. ASEAN how we start it but then we're also mixing in some his music and I love that Broadway musicals that we do not sold like supposing the kids to a little bit of everything yeah also yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. They really do just brings everybody together at the days. What's the age range that you guys have their oud five to eighteen yes as long as they can tie their shoes and use the bathroom? A lot of people started three. I'm like Ah Yeah Yeah Yeah. No we started five how cute we get him and the imagination you know in their five is is limitless. How how inspiring you know what I mean? So what if we did you know and all of that. We were named the California one of the top one hundred's for nonprofit this show me. She's so sweet deal a huge yes so let's hopefully Cheka. Comb nonprofit world is it's taxing but we own our building. I I'm so proud of yeah. That's how do you get a nonprofit on profit to become so successful because I feel like there's so many in the struggle and like they get loss and they're just like we want to help these people but we don't the funds that we don't you know it's difficult. Everything is difficult. Yeah where there is passion and there is purpose you just hang in there right. You know severe you gotta persevere because his we haven't always had the best of days and I can honestly say it's a passion project because it doesn't pay me right so I've always been working but it's like I feel like I've been working in the industry to help offset right not saying it is it's the total truth so I've been blessed and fortunate in that area but even though for those nonprofits that are struggling. Don't be afraid to ask right there in kind donations. It's not all about money their have you no favours you can handle. Can we come down to the podcast plays and do a little. You know I mean were serious. I want to ask if you know the yeah but yeah yeah yeah but to be able to you. Ask asking is a very difficult thing for me. <hes> what do you think that's about. I think it's you know and I've been really trying to process it and and I think it might be the fear of no right and you know my mom is like okay so no is just too little letters now. At least you just asked ask. There's nothing wrong with this. What's the worst that can happen? Another door will open exactly how else how hi and they'll go by and it's very interesting because I feel like it's harvest season so over those twenty years you know when we first started you know you're asking for. Who can you help with the hand? You're not approving player yet right now. Here we are and we've put in all of the season now the abundance the overflow is coming. I and it's amazing story yeah yeah I can go on and on about the podcast asked absolutely inspiring ever need anything we would love to. I'd love the kiss. Let's sue we are so down. What even Mike Okay 'cause we're? We're replicating this. Is it just acting acting or everything it's acting voids dance spoken word and we just opened up our digital art cy so yes we got a grant. That's going to help offset and <hes> it started off with the proposal for our newsletter. So what I've noticed is that people don't read. We we don't really read these ended newsletter with all these great things that are going on as I put it was in the newsletter. It was in the memo kind of an email because we're used to getting Informacio so fast easy okay. So how do we tweak that so I did a proposal proposal where one we started with a video newsletter you know and it was just all slides kind of like when you go to the movie theater and you just see the slide on the phone when I we'll have have all of the alumni in their original music you know scoring it and all the back of some bomb music you know and then you don't have to worry about anything and then I say well what we do do one and it's called the SIP apostrophe S. I._P.. For Gossip so it's more you know the teen sitting down sitting around in a kickback type environment airman but just talking about everything from social media social justice to the current affairs going on at the school you know her parents are getting the information automation that they need to get but they're also getting it from a different perspective right. You know what I mean with the students and you know just what's going on in their world and it's like Oh why why don't we just take a glimpse into the lives of young people but they're also disseminating all of this information and I mean it's brilliant yeah well. We're we're we're at the beginning phases awesome okay so that's what we work now action you need to start going and because that's just how it is and it's all will be watched youtube. They get their information yet. It's like it's a very social society right now not only just because the social media but I mean it started with reality T._v. and US wanting to watch watch people's lives obsessed infatuated by now. We watched their lives on the Graham. Now we listened to their lives on podcast. It's were obsessed with you know you can literally reach a celebrity in there you ll it's why access at an all time high yeah yeah so. I think it's amazing that these kids are opening up to you. I I noticed like a lot of children now because of social media they've kind of become a little more introverted so it's harder for them to open up right so it's amazing. You're doing this saying yeah thank you because we've seen that and it's like <hes> we don't allow cell phones good. It's very interactive acted and right now. We're in the middle of our summer program would Monday through Friday but what I've learned through spoken word and our creative writing class pass. There's so much that our young people are going through from being ostracized questioning their sexuality or cub judo. It's like what are you talking about about sexuality your six and but but I've no but they're like will you do but we've created a safe environment in in them to know okay and you know anything. Of course you know. We've got a report it. If it's too right you know what they feel comfortable opening yeah that's beautiful you know so we did with with kiss from every walk of life from foster care. You know bill air you know but everybody comes there and it's like no we are one. We are family. We all got issues the issue they say it's common a lot of times when kids get into acting or this world so soon they have a tendency hey to to get overwhelmed and stray. Maybe Dabble in drugs or get sucked into life style. Do you guys like talk to them about that or like. Have you encountered. Have you seen that it happened here students or what. How did you because I've been in the business so long as much as you know we expose them to everything that's in the business sir? I'm not a big cheerleader proponent for them going into this business because it's a business for right so let's break all right okay so now mom dad are you guys is ready to give up your job your lively to be onset every single day to drive them to these auditions and they don't book you know. Are you ready to give give that huge sacrifice huge so once they get past that and it's like okay so then that's great and then it's like okay. Now is the child ready because it's also a business of ninety nine percent rejection. Oh yeah you know at any <hes> so why don't we just have a good time here. Learn everything we can so that you can go out there and you can compete effectively. You know when it's time I believe timing is every everything every I mean some go out there and they may get that one gig again. It's like they think that's how it's supposed to be. No no baby. You were very blessed and very fortunate to get that Gig now. What do you do in the meantime and in between time because over you're unemployed? Let me tell you to want your bank one so exactly. What are you doing in the meantime time? Are you building yourself up as an actor right. Are you in classes. What are you doing mentally to prepare yourself for? All those rejections is basically until you get like an Oscar right then you're set. I missed the Oh my God. You never heard the on the Oscars. I'm not going to bring up names. It's really do your due diligence and a lot of people have gotten Oscars and then that's it yes yeah. It's also Mike Grammy's it's this thing like if you win best new artist. Oh don't really want to win the best new fizzle out. It's like a jinx. Yeah I remember growing up in hearing that always stuck with can't get and acting also actually in that world so I totally understand what you're saying about the rejection you book one Gig right after you wrap you sign those papers you're done you clock out your own unemployed yeah right right and that's it and they know about timing yet exactly so it's like it just comes with so much yes and also with your nonprofit but I feel like even though you're geared more towards the you know theatrical world and you know entertainment they can take those qualities and put them towards anything they WANNA do in life doctors lawyers exactly you work at the furniture store. I bet you the best. The competency exam is it starts with that. It starts with your confidence people in politics now and it's like like wow every walk of life but they're using all of those elements that they gotTA A._G.. It doesn't matter what you do absolutely think too when you're young and you are into into something and you have a dream and you express that and you have support. It does a lot for you. It builds confidence when you are into something and then and you know you're Kinda like hey mom and dad like Kinda. WanNa do this or whatever and they just like. Nah right you go okay Nah. That probably isn't a good idea and it your confidence does suffer and you go through life thinking well. That's not really what I'm supposed to do or you know it's just and her and I talked about the that's what I dealt with. She had opposite her mom was super so ordinary and I didn't know that I was good at the arts and communications and all this kind of stuff. Why liked is it but I didn't know that you know that could be a career for me and my parents never pushed it? They were like no college in the schools. Go out traditional family not their their fault but it does make a difference moving forward in line and in she's so driven an ice. I struggle with that you know so there's seeds that our planet so early on you don't even know that they are the seeds until later years I five oh absolutely so what you're doing so you know it's it's changed. A lot of people's lives whether in the entertainment industry or not it doesn't matter. It's yeah okay joie because there's other lesson. It's never too late. Matter of somebody's telling you know or should be going in this direction. It's never too late to change that direction. Improve them wrong. You can start at any age like we said earlier you just believe in yourself more than anyone and just be like yeah. I can do this and that confidence will will keep you pushing if you don't believe it. It's not going to happen to you. People will see it and they're going to think they're not going to believe in you. Either have to believe that sets. It's a tone for your life on a day. Nobody can do it for you and you can't let anyone manipulated for you either. Yeah it sucks sometimes with women though I feel like when we're so confident and so driven Donovan it's like too much for some pretty much men the only ones that really have no more or insecure women handle. They can't comes off as bitchy or Bossy or she thinks her shit. Don't stay yeah I. I just know what I want like. I'm sorry going that way exact yeah. I know it's so funny. Morgan Freeman said something years ago that really stuck with me he was like there's no finish line in this business. No no you know you say okay I'm done. I WANNA turn it in right you know. He didn't get his break until he was. You know I know yeah I the career he's been grinding for. Its quality over quantity. I really feel like in the accident world really as quality over quantity yeah but you're still going to take the quantity filtering hands on on on the audience it depends on. Is it benefiting them more or me more depending if it's something that's GonNa lower a brand or write me he back. I'm not going to take the job no matter how That are struggling and that's nine to five exactly or or I mean like you know bussing tables and trying to be an actor <hes> keep doing it 'cause something. We'll catch. Obviously that's what I meant is that I always assume that people just in the beginning you just WanNa take it just for the experience sense of it and the really you know what I mean. Yes because I've I've taken a job where I knew that this was going to be a a crash course for me. That was big but it doesn't mean that the project was trash okay. Do you know what I mean but I I knew once I did this. I wasn't going to go back to that right time to elevate to the next you did experience and what you gain from learning about not staying there right going that yeah you know and if you do the hard part yes if you do to each your own like that's where you want to do it. That's your life again your choices but well. I don't think anybody ever wants to stay there. It's just what they're presented. ooh Please and one of my investors show me years ago. Do you love this the art in yourself. You love yourself in the art art. Oh I like that way. Lead the defining turn no is because the will then why are you doing. Are you doing the guy do you love art in yourself or do you love yourself in the art. <hes> what if you like a mix of both is up and then that's fine as long as we know that and then what is your motivation for doing the certain things that you do right you want the shine in the glitz glamour and I just wanted to you know do this isn't and you know like now you know wearing a whole of the world now I'm going back twenty five years ago that was implemented and stuck here but now we're in instagram to Graham world where you know you. Have you know people becoming famous through for nothing and I'm not knocking pizza. Well you know I don't I mean but it's also you know there are a lot of geniuses behind that social yeah it. It takes a team. I'm not knocking that hustle but it's also do you love the do you love it. Because Oh my God I breed acting I breathe Dan in writing and editing all patent passion using longevity though so what's going to happen to these instagram famous people they don't have that passion. They won't alone exactly they don't take them coins Chang that they started this. Yeah something has to come from this. Don't spend it on hand like any like they don't really resell. Also I mean they do but not for as much this is about creating your own legacy. No matter know how it started. You know you gotTa Flip it you at the end of that. You've got a little bit so you've how long have you been in the industry. ooh How long have I been getting paid industry. One on your first. You're acting debut was on Martin Right. Was it wow that was so crazy Martin and ninety three <hes> yeah it was the new W. k. r. p. in Cincinnati and you probably haven't even know that show that was my first job with Michael t Williamson Williamson who ended up playing way pause you're from L._A.. I'm born and raised in. How did you get to Cincinnati? No no no that was the name of the T._v.. Show I thought it was a it was an ironically it was radio. Show okay centered around a radio station that was in Cincinnati and <hes> they had rebooted it so it was an old w. k._p.. In Cincinnati they rebooted it to the new W K R._P._M.. Cincinnati but <HES> I was a love interest for Michael t Williamson who has had the best career you know <hes> he was Bubba Gump shrimp he was <hes> he was just offensive. Anthony Played Gabriel L. But I was just so fortunate to have him as a co star because he was like he took me under his wing amazing <music> and he was like this is a business and you know how to show up on set you know and everybody is respected. From the production assistant in money brings you water you you say please and thank you. I learned that and it seemed the full circle of it because even when I met Mara who was the Creator for the game I always tell the story it so amazing. She was a stage p a when I did the Sinbad show was which was even before Martin we got two great and that was what sounded a hi egg but it was fine answering the phones and I was like what are you doing answering these pretty. I'm a writer wow and it was the way she said it with with the affirming right on I was like yes you are confidence then cut to. I auditioned girlfriends like eight times never got. I was like really ready yeah. She was like yes. Yes eighteen so W W K A._A._R._p.. Now Daddy K. R. P. and it's the new W K A._A._R._p.. Because I'm right it's Okay Yeah Oh C._B._S.. Show that's so funny in the theater baby you know always did but you know how they say. Film makes you famous television makes you rich theater makes you love that. Oh yeah so then so playing Corolla was probably fun for you. Oh my God I was so yeah you couldn't be big enough so eccentric it was it was fantastic so if you could play any role again which role would it be. Oh God uh Woo. I know you've played so many great one yeah. It's it's hard the hard. That's a really hard for the rest of your life who could you. They have a little different yeah. I don't think I don't think I've had that role yet time. I get something new with like ooh layering because because I discover something else about my salary yeah you know what I mean. You're not done you have oh my God so much more in Q.. Examining talented thank you I really pleasant to watch natural. It is and that's hard and that's why you can feel it. They see it when somebody loves what they do automatic. It's six units inspiring. It's absolutely yeah it's so hard to an it's so crazy to be natural yeah in the acting a lot of people won't overdo it and it's like when you have that ability to be natural you have it and you have it and it's it's hard for me to be windy like if I as Oh my God I have eric of that but I mean like that but well you. You seem so confident. Were you not out. She's like Shantou but I think it's like if you don't know me. I'm not like I'm not your introverted inside yeah. If that makes them spent a thousand percent yes yes. I know I like this yeah. Do you feel like every role. You've kind of like pulled a little something for each character. Turn to your own life. Do you ever do you take with you. Opposite I think I've pulled from my real life in poured into the triggers fair yeah yeah and it's also an becomes a dance with the writers. That's where the real news comes fries yeah yeah because the writers they start getting a feel for you on camera off camera. Ooh what let me try this helps that rhythm does yeah. That's awesome. It's crazy any tips for longevity. I WanNa know this <hes> just e passionate and you know I I know a lot of actors that <hes> some have gotten jaded and so you can feel the energy you know when when they come into the room you know <hes> but you know it's such a humbling business so oh don't ever think he's actually arrived. Even when you think you have arrived still work on whatever that is that might need it to be tweaked. You know what I mean and just don't get comfortable in the in the process as a homeworks never done. It's not really it really it really isn't just enjoy the ride and be present. Yeah absolutely love that. It's like the same concept as like self love. It's never done right. Never he's never never reached a peak of self love forever evolving and trying to figure it out so I kind of put two and two together absolutely you have to keep workouts it and train and studied this self approve. You know what I mean. Take classes. You know I still I still try and write you. You know do my little readings and Blah Blah Blah but yeah so awesome well. It was amazing having you here. We talk about about Grand Hotel right now so I got into a shameless well. We're GONNA WE'RE GONNA ask you. Are We know you're so you have a new show. How it's called Grand Hotel you play MRS PS two? I was like Ah I'm having fun on that. One and you know we're waiting to see what A._B._C. wants has to do with it. Okay <hes> but it's very different show. It's one of the what's the premise of hotel. Do you know it's about a hotel. It's the upstairs downstairs story. The last family owned hotel this okay yeah so what secrets lies is scandal. It's all all of that and I play Mississippi who has been there for ever and she runs the whole tail so I know where all of the secrets are buried zoom in zoom in what I <hes> and and if it does it's like really let's see how long you'll be right watching it. y'All go down. Hey I know the backstory so it's it's been it's been awry. It really has even gory as the executive producer so another woman Roselyn Sanchez on it right yeah very long careers yes. She started the dancer mean fame yeah. She's a yeah okay rising no but the cash is very diverse a lot of Latin actors in Puerto Rico from Spain from here see I. I love this yeah. Diversity finally finally women behind the camera. You know we had a female DP and then you know like we did thirteen thirteen episodes so I wanna say seven out of the thirteen directed by women amazing and women of Color Amazing. It's just been yeah intentional yeah yeah time. It's about time it's our time right now. Yeah it's our time and we need to stay here. Live here long. You Ladies Yes exactly the beautiful shameless plug time thank you I affect our <music> guys. I'm so excited to finally be able to say this. My debut single forever move is officially <music> out now. The song is available on every streaming platform. You can go on my instagram. Click my Bil-. It'll take you straight there. You will not be disappointed appointed. It's so good guys yet. <music> ladies thank you so much for listening maturity go to our podcast APP search for ladies like us and hit subscribe also you can listen to us on the podcast one behalf and stay up to date with our latest episodes. You do not want to miss what's coming next and also if you would like we would really appreciate it if he would show us some love Liza originating some comments. We want to hear from you. We appreciate you guys love you all so much. Please make sure to follow us on instagram. You can follow Wendy at I am Wendy Wendy Raquel. You can follow me nauseating Mandy Nadia at Nadia Moham- underscore beauty and of course you can follow us at the ladies like us podcast cast and before we go we just WanNa say thank you to all of our sponsors remember. If you WANNA learn more about them. Check out our show notes for this episode and remember you guys always sit with us. Thanks for listening to ladies like us from Lady Gang and podcast one be sure to download new episodes every Tuesday on apple podcasts cast or on the podcast one APP and remember. Don't forget to rate review and subscribe when Your Favorite Show Ends Rob Sister Nino is just getting started started with post show recaps on podcast one sign me up join him for live interactive podcasts right after episodes of your favorite shows like big little lies in Star Trek doc discovery plus netflix original shows like stranger things and so much more. I WanNa see stranger things in the big city. I want some Chicago Rhythm. Okay another Dick Wolf Production Auction Chicago stranger things down new episodes of post show recaps every week on apple podcasts and podcast one. We're here at circle K witnessing a

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How to Have an Honest Marriage

Focus On the Family Daily Broadcast

29:01 min | 8 months ago

How to Have an Honest Marriage

"They basically just said I can't do this anymore. I can't do. This ally describes the day his wife had her suitcase packed ready to walk away from their marriage and I was all about know my. My Obsession, which was at the time, pornography and And this career? This dream job that I had one for years, but trying to do that with an addiction. It didn't go anywhere. The good news is you lies journey toward help in healing. Begin with our podcast. Folks on family helped me and my marriage probably exact point in time that I needed. I'm Jim Daly. Working together, we can rescue more marriages like allies. And when you donate today, your gift will be doubled. Learn more at focus on the family dot com slash, strengthen families or call eight hundred a family. We come to marriage with these. Ideas of who we are. And who we're going to be as a spouse, and we show up, and that's probably for most of its shattered. And we have an opportunity. We faced that and face who we really are, and grow closer to God and closer as a couple, and if we don't then what we do is, we skip out on intimacy. You can't be. With another fully if you're not fully. Open with yourself open with the Lord and open with each other. Joshua Rogers and his wife Raquel our guest today on focus on the family. They're going to offer encouragement for finding God in the messy -ness of every day married life. Your host is focused president and author. Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller John this from time to time but I. don't think there's a perfect marriage now. I know someone's going to say I've got the perfect marriage. Please let us know about that and. I'm sure it's ninety nine point nine percent perfect, but as fallen creatures. I just can't be convinced that we're perfect yet. And for most of us, and certainly when you have marriage, it's too imperfect. People coming together usually get imperfect marriages. It doesn't mean we don't work on them now, and we want to strive every day. Especially for Christians in order to show God's glory in our relationship, we want to model a loving Christian marriage, so others might see it and be drawn toward it right well i. hope that's the goal for our listeners. A trusted as have listened to long. They've heard. Heard US addressing this topic before of marriage and being vulnerable is a key aspect of having a better deeper relationship with your spouse. We're talking. As I said with Joshua and recall Rogers, they have been married for twelve years and have three children under the age of ten, Joshua has been a frequent contributor to our young adult ministry here at Focus Boundless, and he's written a book called Confessions of a happily married man finding God in the Messi -ness of marriage. We. Do have copies of that book here. Click the link in the episode notes for more Josh. Lewin Raquel welcome to focus. Thank you good to have you here. Let's jump right in with your story. There was a night early in your marriage when it was very clear that your relationship needed. Some work was going on, and what happened that night? Every couples leaning in right now going Oh yeah we had that night I think you're probably talking about the most humiliating moment of our marriage ever what a great place! A Great Place Guy! So! We were actually on vacation in Puerto Rico, but it wasn't much vacation. Raquel had just had our first child and she was three months old. We were sleep deprived. We were constantly at odds with each other, so we're in Puerto Rico. Her family's there and we try our best when we're with our family to behave as well as we can. There was one day where we started having one of those whisper fights and living room, and we're said go to the bedroom, so the veteran called them out. Let's go to the bedroom and finish this. Oh, we've and we were finishing. They were accusations insults, going back and forth, and all of a sudden I looked over to my right, and I said Oh. My Gosh, the baby monitors there, so I go to the living room immediately, and that's where actually the speaker for the Bay Monitor was. That's right. I realized that I can hear Joshua moving around in the room and I look to the kitchen and my grandmother's there and I'm just hits me. Oh, my Gosh! She just heard everything and my aunts walking down the hallway. They just heard everything that we were saying and so that was a moment ago. What was there to do at that point? What did you say to them what they say nothing? We learned I think ten years later. They heard the whole thing you know. Her aunt finally told us, but you knew. I definitely knew honestly what we did was pretended didn't happen, and that's really kind of a metaphor. For what we do in general when we're kind of exposed in cotton sin, what do we do? We cover up we. Just pretend that that in happen and you move on. That was. A really an epic moment, but we have. We had lots of little moments like that were. God was really starting to be like okay. put his finger on something. There's something that I. WanNa show up and I. Want you to come to me and say you know I'm right here Adam and Eve genesis three. Right after that moment that they send what happens God says Adam. And where are you? They had already covered up. They hid. That's what we all do. In our marriages, we hide, and we cover up. We pretend self defense mechanisms and so that baby monitor story is really a moment of. Really an egg moment of God being. Here's an opportunity. Are you gonNA come to me? You're going to hide and cover up and pretend. Can you just confess and let me ask you this? I mean given you lived on both sides of this equation meaning putting forward this perfect facade or better facade, and then being caught behind closed doors with the baby monitor. What compels us all I mean you guys aren't unique in that way. Right I mean this is what marriage is about especially early, and especially with the the pressure of having three young children being sleep deprived like you said you're. You're working from a deficit. But you're still trying to present the pinterest family right here we are. We're good. We're perfect praised God. Why are we in that spot rather than being vulnerable, authentic and real? I, think a lot of people are like that and we were on that trip, but I think that one of the strengths marriages is that people have known when we had issues and the reason they've known because we tell them some of the times it was in a healthy way I'm an immense small group. I'm like I don't get it I'm angry with her. At the same time you know the next week I'm talking about how great marriages, but our marriages are not going to be safe if they're insular, and so we from the beginning have been really honest with people, and sometimes it was embarrassing. I think our family got tired of hearing. US fight around them, and so we actually weren't trying to fool anybody on that trip. Yes, because we were never around those family members, but in general I think one of the strengths of our marriages, the willingness to be vulnerable. Yeah, and I think a lot of people what we all have opportunities in everyday life. Marriage is a perfect gift. A mirror for. Your insular and you have you have enough pressures happening around you where stuff starts to bubble up your ways of pretending and hiding your sin patterns. They come up. But what do you do with? That is really what's important. You can either deny and say. I'm not going to. Face that part of myself or you have the opportunity I think it is a strengthen our marriage to say alright. God has shown this to me. Enough Times that I can submit and come to him and allow him to bring healing and wholeness and transformation, but it really brings humility instead of denial. But it is a process and I. think that's part of it I, think marriage that the Lord put marriage in our hearts, and in our institutions as a way to make us better. I mean really let me though explore Joshua start with you. Cal will come in your way next, but your childhood so many guests John that we have on the broadcast, the Ymca Vicenza's and Gary, Chapman, and others. There's so much that we learn in our childhood that trigger us. And, then we get married in our twenties typically, and all those triggers start getting punched again whatever that might be insecurity. Whatever it is, and it leads to combat in the marriage rather than growth hopefully overtime leads to growth the shorter the time, the better so Joshua in that respect your childhood experiences. How how did you see those affecting your marriage? I grew up in a Christian home with two parents. They loved each other. They love the Lord and the deck was stacked against them. There was just one catastrophe after the the other two siblings. My Dad's first marriage died and you know. The dominoes fell over and over again until when I was twelve. You know my dad. He had left before just to find himself, and he said for the last time I'm leaving. And Cinderella took that glass slipper and. and. She threw it at him and said go away. I don't WanNa. See you again and I watched. Their marriage collapsed over the course of that time, and it was so confusing because you've got your dad who's supposed to be playing this role of like father God in your life. And then he's been in your mom. And what lesson I learned is that marriage is not safe. It, is dangerous and so became extremely legalistic in college, and I was like I. This is a quote. I'm going to be a eunuch. Christ because it's easier because I am going to. Distance Myself from the thing that can hurt me, so I would say I'm not gonNA date because I don't have a mini divorce, but what I was saying was. I. Don't ever put myself in the position. My parents did so what I wanted out of marriage was eventually came to the place that I wanted it was. It's either going to be awesome or other. It's going to be a mess. My marriage has to be awesome so when we would butt heads with agitate me so much because it would bring out not just my weaknesses, but the weakness of the whole ideal that I had. Well. I mean that's powerful. and. That's you know we're going to explore more how you deal with that, but. That is insightful as to what you were seeking in your marriage, so you had this incredibly high bar. Obviously right and the bar was not what my parents add instead amazing. You know when you say to yourself. Lord I'm never going to do that. You know what he hears Lord Send Me In. This direct can learn thanks. So we're cal. Okay, so you get into this marriage? Did you realize that about Joshua? Did you know this high expectation of marriage and commitment was there? Did He talk about that? Hardly knew me yeah, so art dating story was very short when he met and four months later, he proposed five months after we were married, and so in less than a year we met were married, and really it was as soon as we got engaged. We started about heads immediately. You know fighting for control and. These life changing decisions in a very quick period of time, and so I wasn't necessarily thinking about his expectations marriage, although we did go over that and premarital counseling, and but butted some heads some more, but we were just immediately started hashing it out. We culturally are very different. You know he's comes from southern, Patriarchal Culture and I'm Puerto Rican. And I come from a major agriculture where there are amazing, strong women and so. We didn't notice it at the time, but we were butting heads over our expectations of marriage and. I think it was probably an engagement though I mean literally it had been just tip toeing through the tulips and then the next morning. Start talking negotiating. And, that's where it all falls apart and I think that so much of any of our conflicts have come back to negotiation and. I think what I did not even admit to myself until maybe last year. Is that then in a lot of my marriage? As this like I'm the southern man. I'm the strong spiritual leader. That I was like that woman is not going to tell me what to do. So now became combat Oh. Yeah, remember from her place. I mean this is she? Comes from my strength family of some strong like amazing women and I was saying the same thing internally I'm not gonNA. Let him tell me what to do. And so, but this was really perfect opportunities for us to really look at ourselves so easy in an marriage going back to the garden Eden to point the finger at the other person and say he did it. She did it. You Know Satan did it, but really in marriage. It's so important what has helped us grow is a looking within ourselves and say God. Why am I responding this way? What do you want me to see about me and most importantly? What do you want me to see about you? Because you are right here? In the everyday ordinary messy, big life decisions, hard decisions, and you know raising kids life. And you know. Incorporating that whole story of the baby monitor, it sounds like your immediate family. Kinda backed up. Nobody stepped in it. It sounds like to say hey. Let's help you sort this out. There was a couple that caught your attention. Why did they catch your attention how to respond to them? Well? It was before I got married when I did not believe really in marriage, I said I did, but I didn't think candidate. Got The guy that's right, so I didn't I. Didn't believe it was. It was something that was safe and I met this couple was Sean. And I we went to church together, and they just loved each other. They brought me into their lives, and I saw them walk through difficulties together parenting I saw them have disagreements, and they managed to through all this stay in love, and I mean there was a strong care for one another. It was rooted in Jesus and there was passion, and they were funny, and they were the ones in the back of my head. That always told me you can believe in love. It's real, and that's what we want for our marriage today. We want people to see. You can meet God. Of Marriage and we are not afraid to do that, so they're good, the bad and the ugly. That's right. The good dividing the ugliest where you can find him everywhere, and there's freedom and that you know when we pretend you're only hurting yourself or your marriage or your kids in the people around you when you're honest and a- Joshua can talk about the integrity interview. He really. It was a turning point for him especially to. Look around to interview some of his friends and the people close in his life, and say what what am I? What am I really like? What is it like to be my friend or you know you could talk more about that, but. so I actually when? I was in my second year of marriage I was. To Be Clear Kellen I've always liked each other, always been passion some. Sometimes it's misdirected but I was Margaret with a couple of guys and one night we were talking and one of the guys said to me I was like. Hey, guys, do you? Is there anything in my life? You know you think my when I should change and my friend Pat said you know the way you speak to. Raquel sometimes really embarrasses me. And I thought what? You ask the question expecting unclean. I'm good. With him, I said you know Pat. You're just too nice to me and I'm going to give it a try. Though and I asked him, and he immediately told me. The way you speak to kill, really embarrasses me and I was so shocked because I was like her. She's the embarrassing one. I didn't realize that actually had something going on. So my other friend talked about this book Integrity by Dr Henry Cloud. And this idea of an integrity interview where I would go around and ask questions of friends and say what is really liked to be on the other end of my life. So I talked to five people that I was Raquel and she's crying and she saying the things that I've heard before and I'm taking notes and smiling and nodding politely and not defending myself but I. Walk Away From It and I've been there. I heard that. But what broke? My heart was the next four people because they said eighty percent of what she said. And, that was the moment that was a huge moment for me, and a turning point because I actually thought for the first time and I'm not trying to be funny. She may actually be right. I mean like maybe she's right. That was huge. I think that their spouses that never get to that point. Yeah, that's a great point because I think you're absolutely right. And just being vulnerable. I guess that's called. Humility right and it was amazing that got even gave me the grace to be humble like that well. Let's speak to that because I'm sure there's listeners who are going. Okay connecting with what you're saying, but you have to paths in front of you at that point, you can hear your four friends affirm what Raquel has said, and you can get hard of heart. Or you can be supple and say okay. I'm blowing it. What do I need to learn? Speak to that other kind of way. You could lean now. Did you have that feeling at first? Did you have the wait a minute the rigidity? I was a mix of angry and depressed after those two weeks. Because the first thing you want to do is turn on them. You just don't get me you don't understand. Let me explain myself Alex, but the thing that I was told to do if I was going to do the interview. Don't defend yourself, or you are an attorney. That's right. It's got to be really hard. It was really hard it's been hard on her being married to an attorney. Because I'm always trying to make my case, but the thing is is I. Want Jesus. I love Jesus and I love Jesus so much. That I'm willing to meet him in my marriage. I've come to see after twelve years. I'm really in writing confessions. The thing that hit me as a new book was going, but I was not prepared to see just how much Jesus had manifested himself and this amazing woman. Who's sitting here with me? I didn't realize that all of the headbutting all of the love that we had in the fun times and the kids and the hard times in the crises we went through. He was there and all of a sudden realized. It's you Jesus. That was you and I think that was probably the first because after those first two weeks. There was a part of me. That stopped and said God. Is there something that needs to change? One point needs to go on and I. Just pursued Jesus in it, and that's what made the difference, but those are all the right decisions. That's what so good and I guess. My earlier point was men. Don't always even in those circumstances. We don't make those right decisions. We make wrong decisions. That's where we suffer, but really this wasn't overnight I. mean he did these entirely interviews in the first couple years of our marriage? But you know year after year we have opportunities every single day to turn around. It's in the little things where we get to practice. Okay I'm going to choose life. I'm GONNA choose humility. Here's an opportunity with my kids or my wife to just. Come, exposed before the Lord here. I am Lord. There's some weaknesses there some sin. There's some things that need transformation. And so here I am I can. I can bring God into it a lot of times. We just try to live life on our own and and try to fix these things on our own. That's not how it's supposed to be one of the things we come to marriage. We come to marriage with these. Ideas of who we are. And who we're going to be as a spouse and we show up, and that's probably for most of us. It's shattered. And we have an opportunity. We faced that and face who we really are and grow closer to God and a couple, and if we don't then what we do is we skip out on intimacy? You can't be intimate with one another fully if you're not fully. Open with yourself open with the Lord and open with each other. If you intimacy, that's what it takes, so for the the man of the woman out there who shuts down and says I'm fine. I'm not going to take this from him I. Don't need to hear this I'm not the one who's going to be the first to change well. You just forfeited intimacy in your marriage there. You're listening to focus on the family today. We're talking to Joshua and Raquel Rogers Joshua's wonderful book confessions of a happily married man is the topic today, and it's available from us here at focus on the family. Get your copy of that book when you call eight hundred a family or click the episode notes and find more one of the issues. As I was reading the book and looking at the prep for the program at home this morning. Every gene and I were talking about it and she. She lit up. She goes. Oh, people are really going to benefit with this and one of the things control. You've touched on it a couple of times, but I think it's probably one of the biggest issues and marriage. Today's battled for control, and I want to hit that one head on and how you can get to the point where you can let go. And you know not standards, not moral principles. We're not talking about those things, but just the need to control the marriage so either. One of you jump out there how you let go of your controlling temperament. Yeah I mean I can definitely confess. That's been one of my issues. Control and being critical. Instead. Bringing God into it bringing myself in my own issues into it then speak going back to your earlier point of what do I say to the women who are just? You know they're looking at their husbands. They're just. They want to give up to do anymore because he doesn't want to grow or he doesn't. WanNa pray. He doesn't want to change in these areas as to really. Trust God and I know and I don't say that that's not Glib like you. Either Trescott or you don't, and you can pray and watch God. Do a work which is what I saw. Happen again and again. I would see the Holy Spirit at work changing him from Glory to glory little thing by little thing that he would change and I just trusted. I just knew that guy was at work, not just in his life, but in my life, because he was doing the same thing in me and so really let go and let God be that Third Strand in your marriage and let him really take place. Not just you know at Church or sometimes part of your marriage, but every day like God I am by Bahir be near the Lord is near. Are you near yes? He is fine for me. Control the control issue has everything to do with 'em are willing to stop trying to control Jesus. Jesus is working through your spouse. Let him do what he's going to do I. wrote this book. It was all but done, and the idea came up. What if kill wrote a little epilogue and I said I would like for it to be little because it's my book. And she gave me a thirty two hundred word epilogue, and it was a chapter. It ended up being called the last word and when I looked at that chapter. I was like. Oh my gosh. Eventually got the place where I realized. This is not my book. This is our book and what she's done is beautiful and if I had to stop that if I had insisted on doing a little epilogue, instead of that beautiful, she chapter, she writes at the end. It just brings it home. I would have science what Jesus was trying to do through that book. Your so let Jesus do what he's going. Do your spouse. Yes, it's really good, and you know typically when we talk in this way, we're going to have a man or many men right and say. Why are you bashing men today and I would only say if that's where your. Feelings are going. We must be touching a nerve. Bold and there's two responses. Do that evaluation. Look at your life. Ask Your Wife to give you some input. Ask Your friends like you did Joshua. Four of your friends to speak into your life as it pertains to your marriage. That's the way to go with that writing US complaining that we're bashing men. Today I'd use that energy differently. We're not attempting to do that. What we're trying to do is show where there may be some areas to improve in your marriage, and that's the goal and a really. My chapter where I wrote about examine, it's not just about men, men and women, coming to the Lord at the end of the day in reflective prayer, and saying search me, O God save there's any wicked way in me to really wait with God to see if he'll point anything out about your your the little fat. You had this morning. Let's go back to that moment in and review what happened. What happened in your heart? So that's really been something that transformed us. It wasn't just the integrity. Interview was a daily posture of openness and reflection before God in search me Oh God. Where do I need to change what? What do you want me to see about me? What do you want me to see about you? And about our marriage? Nothing that works better, I mean. That's what we're always saying in couples that pray together read the word together that divorce rate is really low like one percent so I mean you want to have that kind of fulfiled marriage. You're hitting it even though you've been married, you know short number of years. You're beyond your years in terms of the wisdom. You're bringing today. Thank you so much. What a great book! Confessions of a happily married man! Joshua and Raquel Rogers. Thank you for being with us our pleasure. Thank. You let me turn to you the listener. We have something that can help you in this area that Joshua and Raquel have been talking about today. Three, it's our online marriage assessment. It takes about five to seven minutes to complete, and it will identify some of the strengths and weaknesses in your own marriage. It's a great place to start to take an inventory of where your marriage needs to go to get to the next level, and I think we have about a million folks now who have taken that marriage assessment join in, have some. Some Fun along the way and find articles as well about almost any issue. You might be facing in your relationship This help is online. Just click the link in the episode notes and John I love hearing stats like this one. In past year, our broadcast and other resources here focus have helped. At least eight hundred thousand couples build stronger and more satisfying marriages. That's why we do this. This in here at Focus, we have a heart for helping couples not only stay together, but enjoy God's gift of marriage. If your own marriage is doing well, and you share our passion for helping couples, we need your help were behind on our budget this year. certainly due to cove it and we're struggling to keep up, and it would be great to hear from your right now, maybe having. Having given in a while or ever be a part of the team. Let's help more people strengthen their marriage. Be a better parent and even save a baby's life, but we need you to be part of the team, so contact us today. And when you give, we'll send you. A copy of Josh is Great Book Confessions of a happily married man as our way of saying, thank you. And right now we have a special matching gift opportunity so when you donate, your contribution goes twice as far. Donate today and get the book by calling eight hundred the letter in the word family, or find the link in the episode show notes. On behalf of gym daily and the entire team, thanks for joining us today four focus on the family I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once more help. You and your family thrive in Christ. Convinced that nothing could change. What was going on in our marriage and I don't want to try anymore, but my commitment to God. Helped me try one more time we went to a hope restored marriage intensive, and it was life changing. The counselors created the safest environment. We could imagine so that let us really talk. We're on a much different course now and I believe we received a miracle that we receive your free consultation at hope restored dot com.

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High High Hopes For Impeachment

What A Day

23:36 min | 1 year ago

High High Hopes For Impeachment

"It's Friday November twenty second. I've Akilah Hughes. I'm Gideon resnick back. This is what a day. The outcast stink Odia of Daily News podcasts. I'm sorry Miss Jackson. Our country is in deep trouble on today's show. A conversation with Raquel Willis the executive editor of out magazine about the Trans Ends Obituaries Project. Then headlines and some high hopes but before that a segment on impeachment Thursday was closing day of scheduled public testimony in the impeachment inquiry in the house heard from Fiona Hill former top Russia expert on the National Security Council and David Holmes a top aide in the United States embassy in Kiev. Their testimonies Monet's were the final damning testimonies a week full of damning testimonies against the president as witness after witness confirmed and described a pressure campaign to get the Ukrainian cranium. President to announce investigations as military aid was withheld from the country. Let's get into some of the takeaways from yesterday. Let's do it. Fiona Hill said that trump's demands for Ukraine Ukraine to announce investigations into the Biden's was a quote domestic political errand. The didn't have to do directly with US foreign policy goals. She also testified that she told Sunland. are Smiley man from Wednesday that this was all going to blow up but I was irritated with him an angry with him that he wasn't fully coordinating and I did set him. I'm busted disowned gordon. I think this is all going to blow up and here we are and after I left to my next meeting our director for the European Union talk and much further for a half hour later trying to ask him about how we could coordinate better coordinate better. After I had left the office and his feeling was the the National Security Council was always trying to block him. What we were trying to do was block us from straying into domestic or personal politics She also criticized Republicans for pushing a quote fictional narrative that Ukraine meddled in the two thousand sixteen presidential election as opposed to Russia. That of course is the basis of one of the investigations trump sought. It's a conspiracy theory and one. That Hill said helps Russia. That's right and hill and homes contrary entree to some other. Witnesses also said that they viewed references to Burris MMA as code for Biden so there was no mix up there also like they both start with visa. He's a pretty pretty sloppy code Yeah so home spoke for the first time publicly about the quote. Loves your ASS call from July Hi between Samland and trump. He testified that he could hear. Trump's speaking loudly on the phone asking sunland whether Ukrainian Presidents Alinsky was quote going to do the investigation to which silence Zilenski quote loves your ass so yeah confirmed all the loose ends tied up there on the still now. We're at a stage where a lot of members are not expecting any more depositions or public hearings held by the House Intelligence Committee. So it's going to move into a new face coming soon The House is on recess from now until December third and we're anticipating that a report will be produced in given to the House Judiciary Committee with a possible vote to impeach on on the House floor. By Christmas Congressman Adam Schiff delivered a closing statement to the proceedings. Yesterday that was particularly on point. He's been fiery all week. Here's a clip. It's not so much that the situation is different intern of terms of Nixon's conduct and trump's conduct. What we've seen here is far more serious than a third rate burglary of the Democratic headquarters while we're talking about? Here is the withholding of recognition in that White House. Meeting the withholding of military aid to an ally at war at is beyond on anything. Nixon did the difference between then and now is not the difference between Nixon and trump. It's the difference between that Congress and this one and the shifts statement made it clear why he views it as imperative to impeach the president that says to me. This president believes he is above the law beyond accountability. And in my view there is nothing more dangerous than an unethical unethical president who believes there are above the law and I would just say to people watching here at home and around the world and in the words of my colleague. We are better than that adjourn. The gavel drought loved the gavel in and out of our segments on wad honestly. Well if you thought the impeachment would be done by Thanksgiving it's safe to say you you were wrong. It's GonNa be impeach hell going into the Wednesday was the Trans Day of remembrance a day to pay respects to the transgender women and men whose lives were lost to acts of Anti Trans Violence in in hate this year at least twenty to transgender and gender non conforming people in the US were killed according to the human rights campaign. The American Medical Association has Declared Violence Against Trans woman an epidemic and it is one that disproportionately impacts Trans Women of Color. All but two of this year's victims were black. Raquel Willis is the executive editor of Out Magazine and the only Black Trans woman to hold a senior editorial position at a major magazine in America this week. She launched the Trans Obituaries Project to honor the Trans Women of color whose lives were lost. Twenty nineteen for each woman. She wrote a short portrait detailing. What made them so special in life their favorite song their unique hobbies and descriptions from their closest friends and Family Raquel joined us to discuss the project and what can be done to end anti trans violence? What I have noticed in the the last few years which has been great in one sense is obviously a ramp up and the coverage of the violence and the murder happening in the Trans Community and particularly early? Those of us of color but I what has been lost is the humanity and the victims each year and so it's become just so so much tragedy and I think what we need beyond those kind of details is a transformation something that will actually Reiterate reiterate our humanity at Black Trans Women. Ask Trans Woman of Color and so that was my approach with the obituaries project. I really just wanted on it to honor these women in the way that they always deserve in the way that we don't see And so that meant talking to people that love them you know reminding folks folks that they have family and friends and community and loved ones who care so deeply about them and that they were taken away from those folks and those folks are still still living thing in grappling with this tragedy. Well yeah absolutely and you know to your point. The media does tend to focus on just statistics numbers You know life expectancies things that do feel a little removed from the humanity of these women So I want to talk a little bit really quickly about the media in their coverage edge of you know when a trans woman is murdered Can we talk about what they're getting wrong and how to how they could do a better job of covering these stories. Whoa I think to extend just a sliver of grace? Yeah I I think it is difficult for people to understand identity already right right and so when you're going based off what we consider to be the most factual information police reports Karnik coroner reports Medical records off though things unfortunately the way that they are structured in our society aren't set up to tell her true or reality of people's identities whether we're living or deceased uh-huh and so I think in trying to be as factual as possible people don't often know or realize that they need to be asking deeper tuck questions about who these people are you know and then you get into. Unfortunately the stigmatizing kind of aspects of potential potential victim may have in their lives right. If they are someone who engaged infects work right. We still live in a society that demonize sex workers. If they are someone with a criminal record we still live in a society. The demonize is people who have a criminal record or are incarcerated are detained and so there there's often in this kind of Need I think from people who are outside of the community to kind of validate what is happening beyond our identities absolutely. So you're her trans obituaries. Project IT It launched this week. It's getting huge reviews for one of the women laline cool. Let's say Palumbo you you dove deep into the circumstances surrounding her death. She was a twenty-seven-year-old after Latina. A Trans woman who was found dead while in solitary confinement in rikers Aland. Her family is now suing the city of New York saying she shouldn't have been kept in solitary confinement given her history of epilepsy. Can you tell us about her story. Yes ask Sola lean story has really resonated with me. I mean that's my first year in New York and so there's so much of kind of figuring out the landscape and so this story was always always very close to my heart Because it happened literally the weekend. That pride month started. And you know so while we're kind of celebrating this huge kind and a fifth year anniversary since the stonewall riots This woman has died in prison custody. And so I think that is what really resonated particularly with people in the organizing and activists community and in Algebra Q. World but it's also that she has a family that is so loving and affirming of who she was and so they really speak to her essence in a beautiful way in a way that we often don't see you know we don't often hear from families whether it's because of their own kind of trauma in the aftermath of losing their Their loved one and so to hear from the farming family and that her mother is so fiercely demanding justice for her death in prison custody. A city I I mean I think that a seismic shift in hopefully the mindset. That may be a lot of families particularly of color have around affirming. Their transgender loved one. Yeah wow it's painful. I mean well as part of this project you also wrote about how to end the violence and one of the major pieces centering transplant of color in the fight for LGBTQ plus equality making sure organizations and allies is are prioritizing the issue and putting resources directly into it You know what's your advice for those organizations or even allies to be putting pressure on those organizations to make data center focus. Well I think that when there is a focus on the vitality of the most marginalized people That is something that will free up everyone else's Version of Oppression Ryan And so that's what I want to see. I think for far too long the voices of Black and Brown Trans folks and community when these murders happen and this violence has happened and it has been drowned out by the desires of a white cisgender gay lesbian elite in our community one that has accrued a certain amount of power privilege and wealth in the Greater Society And they have left us behind so when I think about that right. I think that we need to get together. And get radical Abou- our approach to ending this epidemic and so that means a massive restructuring restructuring of the the resources that are allocated to advocacy work and that also means building in accountability ability. So I don't WanNa hear anymore nonprofit director and movement leaders using the names of the Black and Brown Trans Women who are murdered each year in their speeches. Yeah in their kind of grant proposals and then not showing up actually showing us the evidence that they are actually prioritizing us right so I wanna see where your money and your resources are going and if they you're not going to black and Brown Trans Women and and are the leadership efforts that we have crafted out of nothing right Eh. Then maybe maybe you need to be doing something else right. You know maybe you need to go into the private sector and stop pretending like you're actually trying to you solve the deepest issues in our community. That's right well Raquel Williams thank you so much for taking the time to speak with us. Thank you so much. Thank thank you for being another a truth speaker as well. Thank you Raquel Willis is the executive editor of out magazine. Check our show notes for a link to the Trans Obituaries Project. which has suggestions for ways to get involved with organizations doing work to support and protect the lives of Trans gender non conforming people Lately a new dance craze has been sweeping the nation and it's called confused Buddha judge supporter following instructions to swing their arms around like a maniac. You didn't have to do it for me. They can't see yeah. That is a song I can actually see that Akila's doing the dance right now. Contrary to what you said about me my hands are at my side. Your body is simply doing the moves without your brains permission. It's how it gets gets to us all so that song. High hopes by panic at the disco is Mayor Judges Walkup Song. Every candidate has a walkup walk-up song and today we're going to test how well you Akilah. No these walkup Song No. Let's do it. I'm sure I'm terrible at this one. Okay great eight then. Let's play a game. I like to call walkup song or Samsung Commercial. I'M GONNA play you ten seconds from the song and give you three answer. Options to candidates won Samsung Commercial. Okay and can you tell me which one you think is a match all right. That's good all right. Let's get it going number. One in China shop is that's got to be a Samsung Commercial. Well you didn't tell me. Is that your final answer. I mean I need to know what the other two candidates candidate option Tulsi Gabbard. Oh Amy Klobuchar Option C.. Samsung Galaxy Watch active to commercial. Where Women's watch tells her to run past a bakery full of delicious pastries? I think it's a Samsung governor show. You are incorrect. That is Amy Klobuchar ours. walkup song the bullpen. By our good friend Desa. I don't I've Dang I'm not not sure I know but asked about the song closure has said quote. It's about being a female rapper in a male rapper's world which fits our political local scene. Right now what. It's like to run for president as a woman as she says in one line of the song. Why am I the only one acting like a gentleman wow so senator wants to be an MC? I love it I imagine. She eats her salad with her. Comb to this song. Absolute AH DESA DESA pioneered that in fact that we have eating salads also from club Shari's home state. Okay let's get number two. I love that song. Okay so this is a great time are the options. Well the options. What are the opposite? I'm not sure number one cory booker. Okay number two Marianne Williamson Org number three working Samsung Flex washer dryer commercial. Where parents do laundry while their kids roll around in mud in the background? It seems like a Samsung commercial to it is not a safe Sochi is cory booker's walkup Song Marianne Williamson ends is higher ground by Stevie wonder wow hilarious but also cool yeah elanie higher ground or boogers. Spokesperson said that Corey a fan of bill withers overall. The song is heart warming optimistic forward looking and so forth I agree those were the edges it is I would use for Mr Weather's okay. Well you really you got to catch up here Number three we love Elton. We do love Elton. So who loves Elton. As much as us. I mean I'm probably GonNa Guess Samsung commercial but go ahead Andria. Okay Tom Star uh-huh or the Samsung Gear. VR commercial where an email puts on a VR headset and learns to fly. Like a normal bird. I think emas are normal burgess to the EMU they have a lot of over over represented on TV commercial it is. It's actually a Samsung commercial. Yang's real song is return of the mack. Oh I love that Song Yeah. That's so weird that that's I like that. Just like a cookout song. Yeah it's it definitely sets the tone. Yeah I never clarified the thing. There's like Liberty Mutual has the Lee movie. Moon it right so there's lots of the moves on TV when they were overrepresented. I just wanted to let the audience know. I'm not saying there's too many of the thing in terms of birds on commercial. Lots of watch shots shots at the EMU community. Today I will not let it stand me and my bird watching society exclusively look for Emus Week. Think that they're very normal burns. Okay the last one hit it. All right okay okay so the options are a Samsung Galaxy. ESPN commercial where strangers use the wireless power share function to charge. Each Other's phones in an airplane Samsung should sponsor as much we're talking about the the I talked to the Samsung Game Senator. comal Harris or Senator Bernie Sanders Bernie. It is yeah that's probably the easiest one in the game. Her Song is work that by Mary. J Blige the Sanders Rationale here. Because I guess we need to be explaining why people are choosing these songs. Songs protests on Revolution Mentions fits in with the brand walk. That's the game that was candidate soccer. Since I lost big time I mean we weren't keeping score zero. No you got you got you got you To potentially where the producers put things out of one hundred great work. Thank you nick. Let's wrap up with some headlines. Head Aligns Columbia closed. All of its borders yesterday to brace for a day of nationwide protests hundreds of thousands of students union workers and Indigenous People's took to the streets to voice their frustration with the country's conservative administration. This is just one of the latest. large-scale pro democracy demonstrations to shake a South American Arken country and the protesters knew that demonstrators waved the flags of Chile and Ecuador while carrying banners. That read South America woke up right wing Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin. Netanyahu was indicted on charges of bribery fraud and breach of trust. He's been accused of bribing media tycoons in this country in exchange for favorable coverage of himself self and his family. Netanyahu's calling this whole thing. which now if only there was another world? Leader with authoritarian instincts oppresses Muslims and refuse to accept evidence of wrongdoing with whom we could compare him to for our American audience. Only when down juniors triggered got the top spot on the New York Times bestseller list. Last week we had to swallow our pride and admit at the obvious he was an amazing writer deserved every bit of his success but it turns out all was not as it seemed the RNC paid books a million almost one hundred thousand dollars for copies of triggered a week before the book went on Sale. Purchase that calls into question earlier statements from RNC spokesperson that they quote had not made a large bulk purchase. They can make up for this act of low calorie fraud by spending one hundred thousand dollars on my book obviously stories from my timeline. I'm line also available at books million nice last night Elon. Musk revealed the Tesla's cybertrust than all electric pickup truck. That looks like something. An architect uses for drawing blueprints. The very angular metallic car will start at around forty thousand dollars in unbreakable tesla armor glass which broke in a live demonstration. onstage excited to see where this one goes great kind of looks like a worse delorean to me and those are the headlines offer today we are new so if you like the show make sure you subscribe. I have give us a rating respond to my miss connection craigslist. Post and tell your friends to listen by the way if you're into reading and not just print ads for masculine yogurt like me. What a day? There's also a nightly newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at crooked dot com slash newsletters hidden. I'm Gideon Resnick. And that's how you have high hopes for a living. The what a day is a product of crooked media it's reported ridden mixed by Charlotte. Landis selling a ton is our assistant producer or head writer is John Mills. Seen in our senior producer is Katie Long. 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The 'Wrestling on a Corner with Pat McAfee, a Brolic Bruiserweight and Two Other Dudes' Episode

The Corner

1:12:22 hr | 2 months ago

The 'Wrestling on a Corner with Pat McAfee, a Brolic Bruiserweight and Two Other Dudes' Episode

"Pay leaned in and said something to freddie. Keep working on. What makes you different. And what makes you special. It was a great advice but it caused me some problems. What could change freddy adu. Soccer is going to explode. And it's going to be around this kid. The beatles everywhere we went it was the freddie show and with that came the expectation and with that came the pressure new episodes of american prodigy. Drop tuesday's from blue wire podcast. What up everybody. Welcome to another episode of the corner. Podcast killed be here with the old man. Andre is hail and this show the entire show is all about an x t takeover war games because we just finished watching it so nothing better than having an immediate reaction to that show if you guys tune in for the hip hop talk and all the craziness we usually talk about. We apologize this all wrastling tonight. I'd say check. Around tuesday or wednesday on our boxing show dive right back into it. Talk music talk. Boxing mayweather announced a fight. We're going to talk about aerospace fight and the fights coming up later in the week. So make sure you guys take out that show. But like i said this about annex t takeover and what ryan mckendall deemed the best takeover. He seemed in recent memory. So got the big mac co-signed where giving it. Its own show so dray first and foremost overall rating for the show before we break it down little by little what is your overall takeaway on hot seat right now. Immediate reaction which a great The eap plus that plus. I mean it was a good. Show eight minus. Yeah it would be. It was a notch below it because some weird like storytime decisions but overall was it was a good show any doesn't have bad takeovers. Just doesn't happen but the days of a every show having at least like one four and a half to five star match. Those are behind us for the time being but this was still very good. Agreed so i'll give it an a minus. I think that's where. I left off on the last show as well going back. I still remember. The lascaux is being a little bit better but a settle on this one. For an eight minus. Only one match really dropped a letter grade formed from an eight and a minus will get into that but again like you said takeovers deliver. What they do they don't miss on these takeover paper views everything in between to have to start showing up but i feel like they left enough cliffhangers in this takeover to be interested to see where we're going forward any you saw cliffhangers. There's a lot of stuff in play after takeover not cliffhanger but you know like we kind of we got to see how it turns out because there's a lot of pieces where we thought it was going this way but now it looks like it's going that way. Are they going to do this. Immediate is going to be long term booking for some of the people. We got to see how everyone fits in after this takeover. So there's enough there wasn't even involved today. Where does he see. That's not a finger. This is this is an omission. No that's an omission there. There's there stuff that are that is intriguing. A cliffhanger wasn't involved but there's stuff intriguing going forward like is he. The guy for finn ballard going forward is that's why he wasn't on this because in baylor's just coming back from the broken jaw. We find that out on wednesday. Because ballard cut the promo to nate wednesday to see the princess back. Maybe kushida comes out with fox them up. That is a cliffhanger. So there's there's these little things we really get answered going forward and there was a lot of that in this paper view so much like the w show. The winter is coming show. I thought they left enough intrigue to be like shit. Okay cool. I gotta turning tune in next week and make me want a little bit more so i think that was well done in. Today's show but We can match by match to go through and give our thoughts on all of this first match. Women's wargames match candice laret captain of her team dakota kyw raquel gonzalez and told me. Storm versus team shotsie chassis blackheart amber moon. Rhea ripley an eeo shirai. It's isn't savings. These are the best. Eight women in annexed t right now so. They showed their best their top eight into one match. That's always smart. And i think everyone showed out when we go to match. I like the the placement of dakota kyw going in. I moon went in i. She got her start off. Their opening sequence was great athletic. Moves ember moon did like some crazy handspring front flip into an elbow. There were really showing athleticism bringing their story To the pay per view. Which i thought was one that was built up a lot lately and then as everyone's getting their numbers called thought it really made sense how everyone entered and it was entertaining route. I didn't think there's naturally had too many lol you'll this was born so see. I'm an absolute in special. It wasn't a bad match like these women. Work their ass off. My problem was how we got here and the structure of the match. Like i can't fault any of the eight women that were in this match because they all work their ass off the bill tours. This war games was stupid. Having eeo come in at the last minute was dumb and i. I didn't understand that the other thing that bothered me about this match was the baby faces having the advantage instill losing clean his sheep and the commentary just cling wrap their head around the advantage. Like they between beth vic in wait they just way they handled. This wasn't very smart and it. It doesn't make sense like when when women when the baby faces Have the advantage of makes for a really strange dynamic and they tried offset it with e o coming in last in raquel gonzalez and tony storm trying to keep her out but it just felt really goofy to do that. The could flipped it. I'm not saying you should do it all the time. But i'm just saying like sometimes when the when the he'll have the advantage it feels like the are working from under the baby faces and it makes more sense. This was really poor like that part was strange to me. And then all of this to get to the finish will raquel. Gonzalez pins clean. I didn't feel like we need a war games to get there. That being said these women worked their asses off. It's like they were given a max that i didn't think anybody necessarily need. It was being shoehorned into a war. Games themed pay per view and they worked with what they had and they busted their ass. But i just the story hurt for me. 'cause like this is kinda dumb how we're getting here but i can't like amber moon the eclipse on the chair. Like she's just she's impressive. She's like really really good Dakota kyw opening showed up there. A couple of weird spots in this means there was a spot towards the end where they were trying to set up to break up a pinfall in. Everybody was trying to figure out where they needed to be. And you could tell that. Rhea ripley had no idea where she needed to be. She was like looking around to find where she needs to stand to make sure. Tony storm pushed her to break up the pin and it was a weird spot but overall was good match. The strange thing to me also is rhea ripley almost felt like the weak spot in this match not like she was bad which you felt like an afterthought it felt like a lot of the senate around dakota amber candace being the master. My being amazing every time she gets in the ring. It's something special. Tony also kind of felt. I felt like she got lost in the shah bit. But i mean tony took the clips. That was just great. Yeah i mean you eating it. That's one thing. But i'm saying in terms of like dakota like i thought look dakota ambra had a great opening segment but i felt like it should've been ember in tony because what just happened. Yes that's why. I said like the structure. This match was strange. But i mean all in all was a good match. I just hated like there's this small things that just annoyed me about how we got here. and then i'll say like rick gonzales. Getting the pin on kinda came out of nowhere. But then when you think about it heals beating basically everybody in that ring so she needs a new contender which also makes me wonder. Seems like we're about to get this belt off at yale soon. 'cause she's run out of opponents. I don't think racquel gonzales has the one to take it offer though if she does. That's the ultimate like diesel. Getting the belt move granted guy is pulling the trigger in the click. So don't put it past them. But it feels like. She's diesel to dakota kyw shawn michaels. Not that dakota koci is that you know level athlete but in terms of if one of them had to grab the belt. You'd think you'd be dakota but somehow you put it on the giant i. It makes no sense to me. I don't think she's that. Big of a threat. I think she's the next person the challenge. And then you get whoever takes the belts off. Eeo if asked to come off. Many weekend well see this alaska. There's a think what an expertise realizing is. That shotsie is much better than they initially thought. They brought her in and they were like i. Cool the game with little tank. Then she's she's done so many great things since then. You talk about the maximum. Had ito which was excellent. You talk about the her hosting halloween havoc what she did in this particular match and now i feel like the way. They're planning her entrance tonight with a new tank. I feel like they're looking at this. How do we get this title on. Shotty you gotta get it off. eeo i. it's the only way to do it. I'm not necessarily saying rebel. Gonzales gets offer but it's very possible because if it's not rico gonzales. Then who's left tony storm. Yeah tony storm is the next natural. He'll to get it. And which if you play that into royal rumble weekend. You can make the switch to tony storm as a hugh. But i still think you build tony. Maybe she has to go over on ember to end that. And then you build tony to face. You'll share i to me. That gives you the best matches. Well that gives you a chance for a four star match at takeover mania weekend because tony storm co-worker astle. I don't know. I don't know i feel like a feel like not do you. Do you go into triple threat with tony. Shots like i dunno. It's this is really where it's all because to me. The mistake that team made was making. Eos total baby face. I feel like it would have been much better. She was everybody chased her and she wasn't involved in this war games match because ember should be chasing her Tony should be chasing her. Shotsie should be chasing her. But now she's like super baby face kinda takes like she's so good at being a heel that he turned obey face. it was the same thing with oscar. she was so good being heel. They had to flip it the baby face but then limit your options in her being in this war games match. I still didn't like. Even though i love like the trash can spot because i thought it was goofy and then i love and then to coda. Stop on the trash can. I felt like e was stuck in that damn thing that was crazy filling necessary bump but he last year we are but i feel like i could have done a better job with e oh as this neutral like fuck all you taking on all comers and then the options would open dough. Because we're kelly gonzales getting shot. I don't know if she takes title offer but they've been heating rope if you've paid attention over the past three to four weeks. They've been heating up strangely enough as much. They've been heating up. I'd never felt like. They closed the chapter on her. And rhea ripley and it didn't close in this wargames. It's not like she had a big spot against real like it was weird. They stared each other down and then they had like some fists in the in the middle of the in between the two rings. Rea- beat her hollowing. Having i guess right yeah. That's what makes this feel weird. Like ria beater but rebels getting the next title shot. But i felt like there's unfinished business know this war games. Does the noise me. Because i watched war games. This two things about games of the noisy one is. There's a spot that always happens right around. The third person getting in the ring ragged board. It always happens. Feels like they're just try the just kind of we gotta wait because nothing can happen. It's almost like the The iron man match where in be inbetween minutes like twenty and forty. It's just like all right. what are we doing. It's just would just doing things to kill time until we get everybody in the ring. Then the match begins and then they had a great finish but in between there. I couldn't i can't remember anything from wherever entered in third or fourth until e finally got it. I can't remember anything i mean. It's a bunch of just okay us to beat up on this one and then the other one comes in for a second and then us three beat up on these two. So i mean in the middle of that dakota kyw really had her run and Tony storm locked the gate and they're really beaten the hell out of babies. They killed time doing that. They killed a little asking is killing time though yet. But that's it's weird when you do that. Because i don't mind it if what again. This is like a short war games. Wwe is they just have this problem with like taking matches culminating end fuse sticking him in to try to build things out of it. In war games is a match where back in eighty nine. Wcw eighty-eight the first war ganz with horsemen against dusty in them that was like a blood feud and had end in a war games match because it was just everybody had to deal with the horsemen. It does he get his crew together to fuck them up. There was blood and it was brutal and it felt right. This didn't feel like it needed to be a war games match. This is felt like a match like when they're when back then and i'll even go back to win. I think it was a horseman against the the horseman. James j billings. i remember. Hawked is cranked his neck. Some serious and they separated shoulder in that match and whenever there was an advantage there was a lot of heat. Because you knew what that few was all about like these factions were beefing. Everybody hated the horsemen. This wasn't faxon's this was just a bunch of women thrown into a match. So i felt like those middle spots. They were dry because there was no real heat. They weren't really working angles on the story again. That being said this is not the women's fault because they busted there s in this match. So it's a good match. It was good. Open a really good okay. People loved it. I get it. It's just a small like story elements that bothered me it. That's fair but they were clunky to start out with so we couldn't assume it's going to change right. They did the best they could with the cards given to them. And i don't know why they waited so long to build. This have been going on for almost two months. You know you got wargames. Yeah we two weeks before. We had a podcast a month ago. Where i was like yo. There's like five women's fueled right now. It's probably setting up war games. Your man i hope not. I hope it's just a singles match. Send to war games. Then they didn't do it and that was like oh shit. I guess i was wrong and then a week before war games like by the way like you did this a month ago right it makes no sense but yet they did the best with what they could a lot of fun. It was a fun match. And we'll see what racquel gonzales has. 'cause now it's it's weird position. Where exte- does this ally and i'm sure i like it. But they pushed their monster heels into this situation and they give him time unlike the main roster but when they get there. I feel like they're still not ready. The date with corbin. And then you get stuck in limbo. They did it with nyah. Jacks twice lost both. Get stuck in limbo. Large sullivan got that. Push for a second stuck in limbo. I can't remember monster. Hugh wear worked and they got the title right and did anything meaningful right like you go. They build you up your great you lose in your stock until the main roster calls you up because vince love size and then listen figure out. What the fuck you got up there. Lawrence sullivan crashed and burned. Corbin has been an upper mid card guy for four years so once you get up there figuring out. Niger acts like yes. She's attacking champion. She puts you know monitor the table every week. She kind of figuring it out like an exterior. Just like thanks for building champion. They can actually russell l. out here. Yeah so we that's one of the things and exceed does not do well. They do not build monster heels. The best thing for braun strowman is that he never stayed in annex and exte- might have ruined him because they they don't do it. Well they they don't they a is weird. But i feel like triple h love the shawn michaels of the world. Right he can take are gonna make him an star. He can boost and colds of the world. he could make finn. Ballard fit and work. He doesn't know how to make the big guys work. They don't they don't latch on he can't do that. And that's his shortcoming he needs to find someone who can punish martinez close. But i feel like punishment law. We'll we'll talk about but punishment could be the next guy to get lost in that shuffle. Donovan jack lost in the shuffle for keith. Lee is not even like masahito whippy shit. Yeah the only team like they they tried it with baron corbin baron would have those matches and be like ten seconds right they try to baron and then they realized well not really that great worker and then all of a sudden he's become a much better worker and then they just kind of overexposed exposed Then they tried to our sullivan and yeah just with fuck is law sovan anyway. I don't know they've tried pushing him in a different character like three weeks ago on smackdown and they were like nah this guy. Forget it sucks trying right like so any st is just. They have had this issue with the monsters. And now we're keller. Gonzales is being pushed as a monster heel. I don't know like. I don't know we'll see we'll see anyway. Let's move on but there. You go a criticism of annex t. I just want to point that out by the way that i can be objective in my criticisms towards a dummy near you next match to muscle ciampa versus timothy thatcher. I didn't dislike this match right hard hitting who stiff. It's what we thought. Were getting from them. I don't think i needed sixteen minutes and forty five seconds of this match. It reached a point where i was like. Either you hit the second and third year or you get the hell out of here and around the eight minute mark and let me give us another eight minutes of first gear and i was just like okay. There's a little blood on the ear. There's still like it. Never hit that second gear and he didn't need to be seventeen minutes. Might my yeah. Jumper goes over Yeah this this one. I saw a lot of people. Give praise and you guys know. Like i like my heart matches but i felt like it was like a very grapple heavy match with which i don't necessarily mind cause i love house actually junior. Does i love that. She used to do like volve something about this. Didn't click for me because early on. I was just fucking bored and then by the final stretch. I was like all right. It's like we're getting somewhere and then it kinda ended. And i was like it made me think i thought about this. A lot chop knees gargano. Gargano doesn't new chopper. Chop on his own isn't nearly as good. He was hot off injuries. The infancy was always evolve. Gargano yet that'll match was good though. How much do you give credit cold because coke and clearly wrestle anybody versus shop but champions goldies coming home all they should. I like that. You know what fuck chump when they put the music on them so that did hurt. But i'm i'm talking about in ring like his in ring has been tied so closely to guy to gargano always like gargano on the other hand can just russell anybody i mean they call the fucking guy. Johnny wrestling guard. If you put gargano in this match with thatcher ship probably would have toured now other problem which is is going to be an ongoing theme that. I'm gonna continue to talk about this. Show commentary intel this match. No that that hurt it. Most because i think a match between two heavy hitters and also grappling base no one called out the grappling maneuvers. It made it feel big immediate. Feel important moreo. What a crush this match. Yeah you you look at that and it's just like you didn't add anything to the match. The annex t u k crew would across this match with this the worst part about tonight's takeover was the commentary. You could drop into a whole grade office straight commentary. It's the common like we can talk about now. The commentary team has no chemistry. Like between beth phoenix. Trying to double ditch away. Just say something and wade barrett just kind of heavy handed with his analysis but it just doesn't seem like him vic have any chemistry and vic joseph is good. But it's like it's the wrong. It's just wrong combination of people especially the tell. Some of these stories is like i said in the women's wargame way bear was just like confused. All the advantages. Aw vantage embezzled like. Oh my god. I'm like yo like you guys are not really selling this match for me. This particular match. I would love to hear. Moral in nasal mcginnis like call this match. It would give a sense of urgency and it wasn't there you know beth All right we'll have a little bit with this singers. We have those singers who sing the national anthem. And they like put rifts in shit that don't need to have riffs. That's like beth phoenix commentary. She gets really excited at spots. I'm like that they need it. They're like why are you doing that. I'll make its arrest whole like bethsheba out is not that fucking fun and because of that. It's it feels like somebody's in her head says a bath. You've got gotta say something because there are times either. I said this in the group chat. Either i completely tune her out or she says nothing of consequence and then when she says something like that came out of nowhere and it doesn't nothing that these three do together helped any match tonight. None of these matches felt heightened by the commentary. And i know moral can be over the top but he sells it. Nigel is excellent. I mean shit man get some. Oh joe corey anybody. The past two weeks on television have been great. 'cause you put kevin owens in the booth with vic and that was good and then they had another guest commentator last week so you do this and it's like whole. That's the weird thing about wade. Barrett need wade barrett on commentary. I mean bad news barrett on commentary. He plays like a like a straight straight guy. Like he's going there. No charisma no attitude. No nothing like. We don't need that. Wait we need you to be that asshole. He'll that you were as a wrestling character. Be that same guy just on commentary and then you have a personality. 'cause vic is cut and dry as it is you don't have to be the straight man he he's the straight man feeding you lines you call him a clown you tell me he doesn't know about the business you tell him that your hair you've got to be that asshole snarky guy roux for the heels right now. He's rooting for no one. He should be e- needs to look at corey graves recently. Bobby heenan back in the day. Yes to look at shit jerry. The king lawler lowered heenan. Were the were great at this. Because they took their in ring personas into what they were doing. Commentators macho man do the same jesse. The body inventory did the same. They didn't come in and say i'm just straight laced now on my real person. They took their in ring character to the booth. And that's why it worked and he hasn't done that you know. I agree with that because when you think about berry you think a bad news barrett and that's the care that you want in the booth and even when you look at somebody like some. Oh joe right. who's great on commentary. But there are times when samoa does color and he sides with the heel or he sides with whoever's the aggressor like joe his commentary always sides with the person who was more aggressive because he doesn't give a shit. How you get there is how you get the advantage and you need to have that kind of personality. You can't have two guys. Call him the straight. That's why you have a play by play and color and then beth. I don't know what the fuck beth is. Beth is the energy sector. I have no idea. I feel bad for beth. 'cause i feel like beth is like a wonderful person. She just never fits like her more notion like dogs. He was like sugar. Ray leonard in the compensate for tyson jones because you moral killing it and then we just say some shit and it will get quiet because you think sugary is going to say something that makes sense and then he just kinda doesn't and that's what beth does. It hurt this match back to this match. This match people liked it. I did not care for this match. And i don't blame data i i don't know man i don't know what was going to do. He just hasn't horrible. It was horrible. No i just it wasn't it wasn't good it with me. It's what takes the pay per view downtown minus for me this match particularly this match. I can't defend and they didn't the commentary team all these papers you know you've got that one match where you really gotta talk up like that's why you have a commentary team like you've gotta you've really gotta pull up one of the matches because not every mad could be a banger. Nine every match could be a five star four star match. And they didn't do so yeah. I mean they got to fix that. You know what now. I'm on it all away barry. The other two aren't going to change it all away. Barry like he's part of this all right before we go to makes match. Let's take a quick break. We'll come back. And we'll talk about dexter. Loomis versus cameron grimes where we were turned you guys stay right there. All right. we'll get back to the show in a second but first twenty twenty has already reshaped how we work and it's almost over. Businesses across the globe are challenged to be their most efficient which means every hires critical and indeed is here to help indeed. Is the number one job site in the world with more total visits than any other job site. According to calm score indeed helps you find quality candidates quickly so you can focus on hiring the person you need to keep your business going. Unlike other sites indeed gives you full control and payment flexibility over your hiring. You only pay for what you need. You can pause. You're counting and there are no long term contracts and now indeed new way of match. You with candidates instantly delivers a shortlist of quality candidates whose resumes on indeed match. 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Two three kid aka x park east said this was the best strap match. He's seen and it was innovative right. It did some new shape which is hard to do. twenty twenty. but to me definitely wasn't the best shallow to twitter's immediately started calling out stink versus vader as soon restrict match ever come then even royal rumble. This past year. The and dan o'brien crust exit. It was the best mashed phoenix at in that character. Credit to dan. O'brien who's just fucking amazing. But i think this match brought something different and even though crammer and grimes ends up losing to me. He's the star this match. Knock dexter loomis. Oh of course One surprise camera grams lost. You picked you picked lewis to win. But i felt like give them a bowman. But i guess whatever but yeah to the bump on the chair towards the end was ridiculous. There was some nasty bumps in this pay per view. Well network special again. I don't know what the fuck would call these things. I'm pay per views. You guys just going to deal with But grimes like his cowardly. He'll act works. Oh damn good. And he finds his spots to get his offense in. And it's good any bumps well and like i know some people roll their eyes. It's time for to give cameron gowns to push like i want to see him with north american title. I feel like this is a perfect him. Dexter loomis although cool. But i feel like he's a better version of the boogeyman remember the boogeyman. Yeah this only so far you can get with that character and which is fine. Everybody has a place. Lewis has a place. I love the pictures. I think he's got a great place but i think there's so much more yeah camera. Grimes are so much more to lay your character and again i still hate the top hat but it just makes a shit work so i strap. This was really good. When i think straight matches the for whatever reason yes sting evader duke does come to mind and you talk about brian fiend. But i always think about savvy gins stone cold steve austin when they had their beef. That's strap match always like strap match the four corners. We had touch all four corners to win accordance that was always the best one sina had a good one was. Was that scene rousseff. I don't remember. I fall remembers rusev. All all remember seeing not putting rusev over wrestlemainia farms going to blow zine also won the strap match the fourth quarter strapping. He wants everything else. But rusev did accolade fucking Crazy but a good match. This match was better than had any business being. And that's all because a camera drives and it was. It was fun because of what the things that camera grimes does and they gotta keep utilizing this man. Because he's fucking good. Yeah i think he's a guy that no matter how much he loses he can be just an asshole and talk himself right back into the picture. Yeah so he. He's always going to make the other guy looked like a million bucks and sooner or later he's going to look like a million bucks and i agree. I think he should have a run with the north american idol. Kind of johnny gargano is now like he'll johnny. Gargano is being healed. An asshole ish with north american title in the works. I think ken. Grimes could be in that. Same mold going forward. And he's a guy who will work well on a main roster. I don't think they really cut him. I think he's similar to elias. Where he gives you a twenty six minute segment or backstage interviewer on rivalry week and then you're just like okay. That's what he's air for. Cool like that's what he does. I don't know if you've ever hold the title. But he gets a check that's all that matters next match johnny gargano of versus damian priest versus the champ. Leon rush lear. Here right leon. Rough let me not mess up his name dam and then triple threat. Match for an exte- north american championship. I this was a very good built into this match. It funny let wheels hate johnny gargano. He thought leon rough was going to be easy. Go at it. And then every time damian prese ends up helping. Leon rough either win the title or maintain the title. I thought it was a good way to play in. Extend the feud between gargano damian. Prese do most concerned about. Because i was like well. How are we going to make this work with leeann rough as obviously those who haven't watched johnny organic gets the. Nfc title gets a little help from who. I thought it was like. Oh shit retribution. No it wasn't. It was awesome theory and probably the latkes that retribution didn't bring with them to raw to help me get finished. Pins name your prese. No piddly leon rough right. Yeah get regained the title. I was concerned because i was like well. How are they gonna do this match. Make rough feel like a force rather than a guy who kind of sneaks spots in and they did a really good job because the story between priests in rough was played extremely well. There was so many spots where the priests would like. Dude go away like let me handle this rough was like i know bitch. I'm gonna try to get this offense in and then you're gonna fuck me up and that's what continued to happen throughout the match gargano again. I can't say enough good things about how well this has turned into a. He'll i was so concerned that it wouldn't work originally but his work in this match he would like there was a spot where he was gonna lawn dart leeann rough into the opposite corner and then he looked and he saw pre sitting there and he was like this makes sense. Any lawn darted rough into priest and he had like this wicked smile face and i was like that's how you play. He'll everything gargano did worked in this match. Everything rough did worked in this match. The spot where he got demolished by priests and then came back in springboard back into the ring was incredible. Like this manage. I enjoyed the hell out of this mass because it they found a way to make the story work without rough looking like a weak link. Telling another story would priest and rough and then gargano overcoming all the bullshit because certain point. I said on twitter as a rough is gonna pin priest. Isn't he the way this is playing out. This is what. I started to think but no gargano gets the title. I hope this is not the end for rough. I have no idea how you continue this with him because him stealing winds can only get them so far but he's a fun character. He's good underdog a lot of things that work here garganas. Great we find out this awesome theory. We knew he was gonna come back at some point guy the kitten kid. He's twenty one. It's got a ton of potential twenty one. Yeah he's got amazing potential. I don't know who the rest of the goes face guys are. I guess we'll figure that out some point it makes you wonder as hired hands. Like so isn't is it like obviously. The news broke that. Kenneth ray seems like she may have brokaw which really sucks But that means she can work in the heart wills corner right so it makes you wonder. Is this canvas indy. India gargano in theory. They like a faction. Now i think for like a hot second. And then we see austin theory sour on gargano. I think that's that's the next play we get is feary probably versus priest but gargano helping him against priest and help them get over and austin theory eventually sours on gone. So i'm in. no hurry. Turn gargano baby face and think no as long as in theory is a he'll through and through he is a key is the future of xt so they they are going to slow. Play this probably for the next three years. I mean the kids twenty one. But i mean in the next two years he is going to be champion he is going to rain over and exceed and i think he pairing him with gargano to learn robes and then eventually turn gargano will be a very smart play. So i i like what they're doing with us in theory especially a reset after the fucking main roster fiasco yeah. The theory has a ton of promise. I don't know what's going on outside of the ring with them. That's what kind of had them disappear for a little while us through when i interviewed him. Yeah said it so. I don't know if that will eventually hold him back but he's got a ton of potential. Got a great look. You can wrestle. He can he can work and being paired with. Gargano is a good thing. He needs to get back on a winning streak. He fell off losing streak. Smart is as well play but all in all this match was well done An gargano is. I don't discard ghetto. Miss gargano have a bad match. Ever know ever know so. Is he like daniel brand. Oh easily easily. You can put him anywhere and he's pulling the best out of everyone. I'm not sure word. If gargano ever goes to the main roster you wanna talk about lifers. I think he becomes the first annex. T lifer where he doesn't leave. You should need to the show. I mean people would argue that he needs wrestlemainia moment. The only reason you goten main roster is immediately immediately filling the daniel bryan void and going into like a tidal program getting pushed and you know each spent ten years in annex t and then you go and be like yield. This guy has to win the belt. He's on the big stage and you play the super underdog role you know. He now like he's found a way to reinvent himself. He can always stay fresh. You can do. Diy again in a year. You want to cause the tag team. Division is thin outside of ever rise. So yeah there is so much. Promise there that. I can't wait can't wait to see what's next gargano. But every match is fucking good him and also there if they had a match putting the belt on him who ever you wanna put in front of him next. He's gonna crush it. And i look forward for his next like real singles match. It's been a while since they gave him an opponent debate. Yoko have bangor. I look i look forward to that. Maybe don't they are waiting for crowds or whatever but like you said. We haven't seen that four and a half five star match in the second. And i feel like they have a couple in their hands and for some reason. They're just holding. Was they got the gun to the strange spot. Like they from coal delivering all the time and then they had league over coal and they're for whatever reason. The league crossfire match. Just wasn't good. The cross guy hurt and now so it was like we haven't had the corner piece of every banger has been pretty much gargano and or coal. They they got to figure out a way to get back to that. Because that's where the banger sauce. I feel like every. I mean the women paddock couple. They're just fucking. Yeah but i mean the yield shirai. One consistency is like gargano. Is organic coal gargano. Ciampa like gargano and dre like if you run down the list a matches every five star madge like gargano gargano like he is an x t. I know that we talked about in balance like i know scarred. Kano johnny gargano is an adam. Cole has been great. Yeah no i mean. Sammy's aim before them. The heart of annex t right like samuel great. There's been no one like china are gone. He user he's the. He's the most underrated wrestler in the world. And i say that with every five star match. He's earned every four and a half star match his. He is still the most underrated wrestler world to not be number one twice three times by. Now it's a shame he's healthy the he's up he's just never the guy i feel like one years he can definitely push through you. Get the main title back again to like. He's one of those guys. Where if you're in flux which. I'm surprised they haven't done it now. But they put the north american title. But if you're in flocks in like people keep getting just put it on johnny gargano. It's going to be a great title rain so i think the most consistent. Let's take a break before we get into this main event though when we come back we're talking the main event of wargames undisputed era versus team pat mcafee and seeing where that goes you guys. Stay take stay tuned. We'll be right back. We'll get right back to the show in a second but first the wait is finally over. Football is back. You might not be able to be at a game this year but you can still be in on the action at bet. Online bed online is going to extra mile to make sure you can get in on every possible chance to win. The season from game spreads to totals two teams player and coaching props. 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I feel like this isn't between those two now man year first of all i keep talking about this every week. Pete dunne's at tires gonna need. The change is the only will look on them anymore because he's so ripped a the man looks gear. Do this his cova diet like is been unbelievable that body transformation is nuts. Like that one's he's wearing now man. You don't need that anymore. He's looks weird now. Shirtless roman reigns. He's ripped like the dude is ripped. He's he's felt he's he's theater clearly cut. He doesn't need the onesie anymore. You don't need best to onesie. Go full jason jordan and just start letting the straps down when you wile out there. He looks incredible but clearly as soon as they started this match him in a rally. I was like all right. This is banger so again. This is another matt. Had a fantastic finish but as watching this match. I'm going on paper. This should be a fucking blowout. This with the exception of done. Dave logan and this man sorry as much as we the tag team titles next week they have to. They just don't like there. Were a prop in this match. And they're not even bad wrestlers. It just came out of nowhere and it was like ride their heels and they don't really do anything like i do. They could've done gotten like the grizzled young veterans like cool. Okay that makes sense right. Like i could a saw that and i was like cool but they didn't. They even went when mustache mountain out. Have been like all right. But i logging this. They're not heels. They don't they don't work as heels. They never worked heels until this angle. They've always been underdogs. They couldn't get the belt. And then you would think that would lead to okay. They finally cheated to get the belts and they should be heels. They still feel like heels. Mohawk is not a hugh abusive against was at some point but not in like an t like he's always the hard working guy who's just going to bust pass and you want him to succeed. You finally get the title buddies like. Yeah you guys will do. He'll shit at all doesn't work doesn't work so the match yourself like the final match was incredible. There was some gray spots. But we gotta talk about pat mcafee. This motherfucker spent the entire match like selling his ass off and just swan moon. Salt like his moon saw. We give kurt. Angle's moon salt fits the former atlantic. Yo yo this was a punter. That's that's how crazy it is though right like you look at the nfl. Y'all putters and kickers. These are still like top one. Percents athletes to be punters and kickers. The flexibility it takes to be a punter is insane but these these you think about on the daily so when mcafee. I was the elite athletic punter. That there is like you'll watch this. This is how the form supposed to look like on a swan dive. He watches like three three. Four minutes of jeff hardy swan dive cliffs. He's got it and he went tonight. Did the full who can lay out like hands out guns out. Swan dive from the top of the key. Didn't even catch him from the top of the cage took a perfect bat bump. They were like he knows how to take back. Mom everybody moves. It was incredible if you wanted to wrestle. There's no reason he. He has to wrestle right like none show is wildly successful. He talks about all sports like on or not like he's found his lane like i don't like rome as a show i. I don't like that real like asshole. Ish heel persona on radio but i feel like that's what pat mcafee is. It works so his following is crazy doesn't have to be a pro wrestler but in terms of like. I was very skeptical of like. Why do you need magazine stuff. He's been great on. The mike with shouldn't be surprising. Talks for a living and then in ring. It's like yeah. This guy is good and he cares to be good. Yeah this match was great. I wanted to see him hit the panama sunrise spot. 'cause you think he can do this the he can do it except he tried it for thirty yards and he got super kate like come on. I was like so stupid. So the though i thought he can make the jump up there i was like. Oh he's mad far. But i think he could get there. I would like to see him. I would love to see him. Dedicate themselves to this He's a good news. That i don't want him on my tv but i want them on. Tv like i watch him. I think he's a good he's a good. He'll i'm curious as to how well he could actually work because most of his work is jumping off of shit in taking bumps right. That's shirley man made a career out of this. Shane mcmahon has a full career in indeed and shane like before the takeover started for whatever reason i felt like watching the untold between shane. Mcmahon kurt angle. When kurt tried to kill shane. In the king of the ring match. We kept trying to throw him through the glass. Shane kept landed on his fucking headed. That's what i think of pat mcafee. I was like he'd probably do the same shit. Just keep landing on his head and just throw me again but this match was fine for that. There's a few things in the match where i was just like. Oh yeah pete. Done is the guy like every time i sat there and why so i was like yeah i mean all the but pedone and adam cole have a banger impede done in colorado have sorry roger and sorry bobby fish. You're left out of this one. Those these are the matches to make and one of them has to be on new year's evil has to. I don't know which one would have to. So the question is undisputed era when an excellent sequence down the final stretch got pinned lower kinna birch. They protect the mcafee. No it was a birch got pinned. Okay after eating the needs to the face tyrod. Yeah we they fucked him up air wings. Spot was incredible by the way like the way they changed. That chained everything together. It was so fast. It's so clean. I was like fuck this is. This is a good tactic. So air wins the closest show. No swerve no post credit. None of that shit just win. Where do we go from here. Now that we've wrapped this matchup. One of those was really good. I saw people call and five star. I don't think it was. I thought it was really good. Good five star war games match. Yeah there's just too much is too much time to fill. No it's like having a five star royal rumble badge. You know you know it could be good but no right so now. Where do we go from here. I don't where pat mcafee goes from. Here he goes back to his day job but they do pat mcafee and maybe in a year or maybe in a couple of months we call for the main roster new you make wrestlemainia appearance very possible. So if that's what happens in mcafee is gone. That means birch larkin are on their own. Which means like you said. Drop the titles. Yup done obviously needs to be an angle with either colour o'reilly immediately suge for this now. We also know they did a spot where carrying across his clearly coming back on wednesday f- fully expect them to attack finn bala and that means the title is back into place. It's been strange two months where we have had no honestly. We haven't really had any inexpensive title action for almost like four months between easily bouncing august. Since that he laws carrying hurt ballard. It hasn't really been like a real champion to do anything in a while. So now. We're gonna have. Ballard involved in cross has to come after ballot. It can't go any other way but what happens to the undisputed era in general. Some people were like well. This is their sign off. And i was like no. They think that they are also to me. Annex t lifers not call You can't separate coflin undisputed area and expected to work on raw smackdown. Visibly like he's tomatoes. By i think cold goes by himself and kyle o'reilly becomes the top of undisputed. No no no no. no no. You can't do that. I mean i'm just telling you out or they don't move up. But i mean i think eventually coal is going to the main roster whether it's good or not Sink or swim. I think coal is the guy making the jump. I would love to see boko. But i have no faith that tag team wrestling so i don't know dice all or nothing. There's no way that you pull coal out of that group. To just take him to their main roster he just goes basically die because it doesn't make any sense like i could see undisputed era eventually getting called up if the may ross will ron smack. We're able to figure out the bulls that they have going on now. 'cause they put all the energy into retribution. Actually it went nowhere. I hate to see the undisputed era get caught in that bullshit. Which is why. I would like for them to stay on an xt. If you separate coal this this. So many guys on that roster. I just don't know where they immediately film in. So i thought i hope this i kind of hope that still happens because i know like knowing how the w works when things are good for too long they're gonna eventually separated. The baby's face turn was refreshing undisputed era. They felt like the he'll was getting stale. I disagree but that's what they feel and they turn them baby face. The next step in this is the step that i thought about before. Kyle has two separate from that group. It ain't coal is kyle. 'cause he i don't want to say he's being held back because cold such a big star and he looks like the guy the undisputed era. But he's got so much more to give as a singles competitor. And i don't know it'd be full. He picked up tonight. Picked up the win. And i think they've been pushing him as his own guy. Get like i feel like it. Just it's weird now. Because like i said before i thought they would have gotten kyle with a beefed with undisputed era as heels but now they're baby faces. I can't see separate them. I don't know i don't know man. I don't know where this all let them chase. I would love to see callo riley vs johnny gargano is the there is not a pro for a lot of people. Didn't watch carl on the indie scene. There's nothing that kyle can't do. He is truthfully one of the best singles wrestlers with a unique style. This kind of caught in between zack. Sabre junior bachelor. But then he can bang like like a lot of the other guys as well. He can do everything really well but either he was tied the red dragon or for here. He's betide undisputed area. We hasn't really had an opportunity so a singles shops in these to happen. He's too good not to anybody. Seen him as a single star he knows. He's an excellent wrestler. I don't know how to solve the personality. Is there now to. It's always been there. They just haven't showcase funny. Yeah he's honestly and he's still young in wrestling years but he is what they signed kenta to be like style wise. He's kenta everything you wanted from him. He's the technician. He can bang eat smaller but he bang with the best of them he. He has all those attributes but he has the personality that can really never absorbed. It was never able to bring out. So i think you can push kyle as far as you wanna push them without. Really taking away from adam cole. Adam cole doesn't need anything right. Colds golden whatever feud. You'd put him in. He's great they hadn't before you pat mcafee and when it comes to putting butts in the seats if your top guys job is to put butts in the seats. I'm still the top guy in an extinct. So even though he had title to be the top guy near promotion. He's still put butts in the seats. And this was proof of that. So i mean i don't know where they go with it. Maybe they move up. They have one elva. Run in annexed. If there's no shame in trying your hand at the main roster goes a eighty eighty percent fail but if you could be the twenty percents does it fucking take your try. You know what is like a flame out after three years. You hit the indies again. You're fucking kings your main menu making crazy amounts of money or they move back to annex t a firm believer in flaming out on the main roster doesn't hurt your career. It's it's wasted time. Maybe think you should have been better. They don't usual which is all true. But whatever you do after that you're still a made man. Mike it doesn't you don't take a step back. Just you go somewhere else after the main ross where the good brothers went to impact and became champions and three days there hosting talking-shop mania. They're making money. What what did it cost them to go from new japan for five years to the main roster never you. Don't get a couple of title rains. All but never really be the guys that they could have been or should have been. They got in better shape. It's still didn't help them. Get the push and then they went right back if they never went to. They would've still been in new japan so it's not like they've lost their spark new japan when they when the ronas gone and they get to go back. They'll probably win. Those titles to impact champions like inning cost them anything it's costing tied money the cost of cost but then we're back cute contracts and they went to the wwe had huge contracts. So what they. They never went to annex. T doesn't matter steep but they went to the okay. Let's say someone who goes up through an exceed and then gets released Let me go ahead ricky. Moxley is he hasn't been released. Let's just say hit the indians. He's right back in japan as huge is huge. Yes i'll give you this. Pack park went straight through to the main roster. That didn't work. They put him into a five live left. Went to an extent was huge. Or excuse me went to. Aws huge huge. He's a top card guy for them. Yes here's what i'm saying dole. Here's cost him anything. It costs you time and time is important. Listen i get it some of these guys that go from like when you leave the wwe. You're hot commodity. Here's the part that you missing hot commodity when awa was brand new way. Aws brand new was putting bodies in there. You're hot commodity. Three years from now. Alatha w chasing everything. The ww doesn't have anymore because it's every right now eight. He's not chasing everybody that gets released from wwe. So if guys like coal kyw speed arrogant called up and just flame out like think about it. Dumbest dijakovic isn't a tough spot right now because as in arguably the worst spot possible but this is this is what's going to start happening because nobody's just gonna be like. Oh you worked. Ww come to aid. W because that's the number one competitor come to impact. It's not going to be like anymore. Everybody's not going to be throwing money like this anymore. The boom is going to slow down. And if you get caught up like some guys get a bump from an exceeded the may rosser and don't make a ton of money. The nothing really changes especially now. Because you're you're not on the road. You're wherever you're at is where you're at right. If you do an annex t weekly traveling thunderdome traveling doing those shows the thunderdome so but if you were to lose three years your career doing basically nothing on the main roster and then you hit the indie scene. there's no guarantee that you're a big star. You just wasted you know if you were good before you left. You're not gonna come back to a lesser position. Understand if you're like a guy and he really haven't major mark young country teeth and then you go and you fail then. Yeah okay. I get it but if you were somebody before you left it in these and you are big time signing and then you go back you're fine like ec three and then go back to a lesser position or lesser money than he left. No what you said to said trying your hand. You don't lose anything but you lose momentum like ask people were hype is fuck for ec three. Go back wherever he signed. Do what momentum did he lose the dude. How many years did he do nothing. That's fair but you if you stay in your promotion you'll only be champion so long you're going up you're going down you're going up you're going down okay. But you say maybe an upper mid card guy main event style guy for those three years. You get paid whatever you get paid. Maybe a little bit more every year going to the wwe you got paid more arguably the same digit thing flamed out. You went back to the company you were at. They gotta pay you more now do they. And then are you sure about so his examples example. Leo rush you think. He's getting paid a lot more. Ach think he's getting paid a lot. More i'd say paint around the same circumstances so no brian myers. I mean there's there's no guarantee here's again. Brian myers was he a big indie guy. Nola that's all. I'm saying saying if you leave there with a name you can go back to the name. You had doesn't saying you're not you're never going to take a step back by flaming out in the wb and then going back. If you are prime time guy. Samoa joe kelley tomorrow and go back and be fine. Well i just don't find me what i like. What i'm saying. Is you go to the main roster you lose three years year career right. You get older. You may not be able to do the same things that you could every wrestler especially when you talk to wrestlers. Lewis are the lean heavily on their visibility in their ability to work. The the market is hot. Because of a w right now but you can't guarantee it's going to be there three years from now because there's a lot of you know not everybody's gonna be guaranteed a spot just based off their time with. Wwe they be better off. Depending on how the money is working the indy circuit or in the case undisputed era to stay in an t. There are. I know this for a fact there are guys who don't wanna leave inequity because we know what the what's about to happen. They have no interest in doing that. No yeah i mean. That's that's very true. I could see that. But there's not saying that everyone should but it's okay to make a calculated risk. And say i think i can survive. I can be. It's not their decision at the end of the day. None of those guys get to say. Hey i want to get called. don't work like that. No but i mean if like say you get called up right. It's okay to be like you know what i can buck. The trend like we can all stay in our cushy jobs now but if someone comes to knock and it's like okay. Do i want to stay here doing this or do i want to take the chance in jumping. Be great knowing that. yeah five. Flame out at this fucking jobless but being at a lower not a lower level being wearing. It'd be comfortable offers me security every now and then security what it's cracked up to she. I think i think adam cole can take the jump is not. It's not like listen. Securities great and. Nfc is great and all this shit and understand my going up and flaming out fucking sucks. But if you can go up. And you could become seth rollins. You're pretty much all right like you're that's that's well worth the gamble. I don't think seven dollars for anything. I mean the right up and be exactly. I'm not saying that happens to everyone. But if you take the shot. I'm going to try to several. Going to try to be roman reigns at this where i'm gonna be drew mcintyre who went up and i was like you know what you kind of figured out but for everyone of those there's a ton more apollo crews in untried acn alma who should have been a fucking star but isn't nakimora. Who's been tom car but really at his potential. Sammy zane. kevin owens like. These guys should be mega stars. And they're not not. This is pretty damn good. You know what it boils down to is what we upset about the show years on the show years ago. They ain't enough spots. You can only have so many first baseman. Now you you pack the yankees would like if you guys going sign up. Ray you in You know you go sign everybody you get everybody. Goldschmidt going play. So many guys at first base. The seth rollins ain't nobody take around spot right now. That's a lot of people don't realize is like the main the mai- rosser has slacks for guys certain spots and you bring people from annex. They can't fit in those spots because they don't exist. Which is crazy when you think you have a three hour show on monday and a two hour show on friday. He's still don't have enough room but yet rushing. Randy orton still has a spot. That's that slot has been filled for eighteen. Years is never going to go away. He's legend so interns adam cole. Trying to be seth rollins. The first thing. Vince is going say he's too short. That's the first thing he's going to say. And then he's gonna say already. Got daniel bryan. Because you saw gargano in chopper came to the mayor roster for like what a week nothing therefore i'm out of here. They sent him back. It wasn't their decision. They got sent back and they were lucky to be sent back. Andrade was gathered. Paul heyman love. As soon as paul heyman was moved off raw. It was over. Yup me shit. You can end up short g tomorrow. Hey michigan alpha hottest tag team the next team wrap. Yeah i mean that's of control but yet still jag gables getting wasted definitely. So it's like. I guys wanna work. Nobody wants to sit there and do nothing. That's all i'm saying is like these guys. Don't want to get called up and be hot for a month and then be bench for two years. Retribution is over. So we haven't even talked about the main rawson too because nothing has happened but retribution continues to eat pins. Medium lost dana brooke. Are you kidding me. it's over it's over it's over. You lose the data over. It's a ran on to co world co world out there we'll see. Hopefully we get plenty. More undisputed era in annexed t. And we don't gotta worry about that for some time but yet you know when people get called up you just cross your fingers and pray for the best closure is and this is gonna be like that until vince is no longer in charge and then you get drastically worse. Okay get a little bit better. That's those are the two options get drastically wars or a tad bit. Better not gonna get drastically better. The machine is the machine right. So we'll see how it goes. We'll see how everything shakes out. That's our recap for takeover war games though. Hopefully you guys enjoyed it media recap like. I said earlier later on this week. Round tuesday or wednesday. We'll be putting out our boxing show which will have talked music. Talk to start out. We'll talk floyd mayweather coming back for an exhibition talk arrow spent and will preview to anthony joshua. Fight this coming up this weekend. We appreciate you guys for listening is always. Hopefully you guys are staying safe. Stay rona free. That shit everywhere. Make sure you guys take care of yourself please. In the meantime follow us on social media at corner. Podcast underscore at corner club for life on instagram. Follow me ac caldeans be him out andres jail all platforms. Shout out to the network blue wire shoutout to the sponsors. You guys keep the lights on. We appreciate you until next week. Say we're out piece.

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Laura (1944) w/ special guest Raquel Stecher

Classic Movie Musts

56:28 min | 1 year ago

Laura (1944) w/ special guest Raquel Stecher

"I'm Max Baril and this is classic movie musts where every week we breakdown a classic movie looking to provide artistic insight and historical context at the very least we talk about what makes these movies classics. Classic Movie Must Releases Every thirty Friday ready to complement your weekend movie viewing plans. Thank you for joining me this week. As we discuss the auto premature film Noir Laura Laura in this episode during our feature presentation. We welcome back Raquel stature to the show to break down the myriad things. This film does so well but first let's get into this week's opening credits. Our film this week is Laura which was directed by Otto perimeter and was released in nineteen. Forty four Dr Laura Stars Dana Andrews Gene Tierney Clifton Webb and Vincent Price New York City Police Department detective Mark McPherson pherson played by Dana. Andrews is investigating the murder of a highly successful advertising executive. Laura Hunt play by Jean tyranny. Killed by a shotgun shotgun blast to the face just inside the doorway of her apartment he first interviews charismatic newspaper. Columnists Waldo lie decker played by Clifton Web and imperious effet Dandy who relates. How he met Laura and became her mentor she had become his platonic friend and steady companion and and he used his considerable fame influence and connections to advance her career? McPherson also questions Laura's parasitic playboy fiance shelby be carpenter played by Vincent Price. A kept man and companion to her. Wealthy socialite aunt and Treadwell Treadwell is tolerant of her nieces nieces infatuation with shelby apparently out of her practical acceptance of Shelby's need for the affection of a woman closer to his own age all the while. Wild treadmill is carrying on with carpenter and giving him money and finally detective McPherson questions. Laura's loyal housekeeper. Bessie through the testimony. Simoni of Laura's friends and reading through her letters and diary McPherson becomes obsessed with her so much so that lie decker finally accuses him of falling in love with with a dead woman. He also learned that lie. Decker was jealous of Laura's suitors using his newspaper column and influence to keep them at bay one night. That detective falls falls asleep in Laura's apartment in front of her portrait. He is awakened by a woman entering the apartment and is shocked that it is in fact Laura. She finds address in her closet which had belonged to one of her models. Diane redfern and McPherson concludes at the body. Assumed to have been Laura was in fact. redfern brought there by carpenter. Dr Laura was away in the country now it becomes even more urgent to unmask the killer at a party. Celebrating Lord's Return McPherson Arrests Laura for the murder of Diane redfern upon questioning her. He is convinced that she is innocent. And that she does not love shelby. He goes to search light ECKERD's apartment where oh he becomes suspicious of a clock that is identical to the one in Laura's apartment on closer examination he finds. It has a secret compartment. McPherson returns to Laura's apartment and lie decker is there and notices a growing bomb between Laura and the detective Lie Decker Insults McPherson and is sent away by Laura but pauses on the stairwell outside her apartment. McPherson examines Laura's clock and finds the shotgun that killed Diane. Laura is then confronted with the truth. That lie decker is the murderer. McPherson locks Laura into her apartment warning her to admit no one after he leaves lie decker emerges from another room and attempts to kill Laura saying that if he cannot have her no one can he is shot down by McPherson Sergeant who had told McPherson that lie decker had never left the building causing McPherson and two other policemen. c'mon to return to the apartment before dying lie deckers. Final words are goodbye. Laura Goodbye my love. Laura had a budget of just over one million billion dollars and it brought in over two million at the box office adjusted for inflation. That's a budget of just over fourteen and a half million dollars and a box office total of just over over twenty nine million dollars. Laura was nominated for five Academy Awards winning one. It was nominated for the awards for best art direction. Action best adapted screenplay best supporting actor for Clifton Webb Best Director for auto premature won the award for Best Cinematography for Joseph the shell now. Where's my quill dipped in venom? Because it's time for our feature presentation. Are you looking for a double dose of Classic Movie. must in your week then check out. Our Patriot exclusive show classic movie double feature. The show costs one dollar per month and releases every Tuesday to all patriots subscribers. The show is the same structure. These are normal show but for movies released from the year two thousand to the present and that I believe are destined to go down in the film books as classics. Not only that. If you're looking for a fun and carefree top five based show then check out. Our new patriotic exclusive show called maxes movie must. It's it's available for patrons at five dollars a month and every month you right in with a topic that you want me to come up with my top five films for you then get my top five five films on everything from my top five Rom coms to my top five foreign films and this month even top five Christmas movies you can get both Classic Ethic Movie Must Double Feature and Max movie must over on Patriot. PATRIOTIC ON DOT com slash. Classic movie must a huge. Thank you to our patron H.. Subscribers you really do make a world of difference and you make the show possible now. Let's get on over to our guest. Joining us for today's feature. chirp presentation is Raquel. Stecher the lead and founding writer of both out of the past movie blog and cal. MOVIES DOT COM. Tom Raquel welcome back to the show. Hi Max thanks for having me back absolutely my pleasure longtime listeners of the show will of course remember Raquel hell from her two great episodes. We've talked already about the setup which is episode forty seven and Sunrise episode sixty five now Laura Raquel. We're not exactly unlike a happy movie streak. I don't think and we broke the s theme. Ask films that we have an L. Film. You're absolutely right if you if you're also hoping for for a Peek behind the curtains. The first time you and I discussed you coming on the show we were. I had suggested Laura and I was immediately intrigued but but I just done an episode on anatomy of murder so I was like well. It feels too much to do to prem injures right back tobacco that you can never have too much pressure but now we finally get to return to to Laura. I'm very excited to have this conversation with you today. Yeah they decided to so I you know. This was one one of the movies that you I suggested to me. Where where do you like to start? The conversation with this with this film noir suspense thriller. I have to say this is something I bring up a lot. In conversation with people about classic movies specifically is because there's a lot of people out there who who pretend or say that the hey classic will and I show this to people or I recommend it to people and wins people over every single time. So if you have a skeptic in your life and you want to show them a great film that will am intrigued them and entertain them and we'll shock them a little bit especially with the great twist in the film. This is a great This is a great entry point into classic movies and also great film if you you want to explore the film nausea. I couldn't agree more and one of the strikes me about this movie. It's so it's so well done and at the the same time I don't think it necessarily stands out in the Canon of classic movies that we like to put on a pedestal. And I think it speaks so much to the Hollywood system of the Nineteen Forties Thirties through fifties. Really that you can say you have these fantastic actors. None of them. You know legendary gene dairy movie stars in in the sense of compared to some a director who is obviously a fantastic director but it's not necessarily his epitome hitting me film and this film is so just well crafted start to finish and it just kind of speaks to the constant churn of the Hollywood studio system them that you can come up with this movie. That is so well done but at the same time. It's just one of the next film in the cycle and what's great about it too is even though it exists in that In the Hollywood system in the studio era something a little different about it because one of the things I read about. Why auto premise really wanted to work on? Laura was the fact that it had a plot twist which was kind of unheard of it was just unique. Make an interesting would surprise audiences and also one great thing about this too is that The lot of leading ladies ladies turned it down But this was this was a role given to gene Tierney who is still up in comer and it meter huge star. You're so it's interesting that even though like it's called Laura and she's like the main character she has top billing. She's not in it as much as maybe another studio system film would have you know their their main star being like almost every single seeing. I mean there are times where we don't see her at all. She just the painting in the background so I think also it. If it's in that studio sit down but it also a little different from the rest absolutely right and I mean just speaking to the twist. I think speaking to so many of the things that we're GONNA probably get into in today's conversation in nineteen forty four. It's not like we're so deep into the on war style that were able to that you think most films are already kind of subverting conventions and playing with our expectations. But you're absolutely absolutely right. This twist is fantastic. One one that I'm sure we will break down fully and just in general so many kind of conventions of noir a really upending them and playing with our expectations of you know the normal convention because while this is your detective mystery that so much of Noir is based on. I don't think there is necessarily a out and out conventional choice made throughout the entire movie I think every character kind of stands against your typical war formula. Don't you agree. Yeah I think so too. I mean these these characters are very like the I mean the characters actors who are bad very comfortable with being themselves which is interesting but there's also no clear cut There's no clear There's no clarity in who is the villain and who is the the good guy you know like everyone is kind of a suspect. Is I like Mike how. It's just not clear cut and a lot of people especially when they look back a classic movies. Oh you have oh you have like this. This clear good guy is clear bad guy here. It's just all blended Linda together and that is something. Very typical of film noir is at the characters are kind of in a gray zone there are not on one side or another. They're kind of in between so. I think that works really well. And yet this is just Coast World War Two so it at the film noir genre or aesthetic Atika some people like to refer it for two. It's still brand new. Yeah I mean it's still really finding its legs but I think you getting into these characters. I love your point about the grey zone because we're kind of maybe discuss at the end of this episode but by the end of this film really no one. Is that likable. That say I mean. Everyone's kind of despicable in their own way. We'll get into that but even by nineteen forty four. If you think you know kind of noir has been going on in the early half of the nineteen forties I would think if I were an audience audience. I think probably what I thought the first time I saw this movie it's noir and it's called Laura so we're going to get a fantastic fem towel named Laura and she's going to take us on a ride and she's boy. She going to be playing with Poor Dana Andrews and she is in fact really. The only innocent person person in this movie is Laura and we already have this this kind of subversion of characters. I mean we don't we don't get a FEM fatale in this movie. We would get really one of the early early versions of an an omb fatale in in our good friend. Waldo lie decker. Who is really introduced in paths very similar way that we would expect them to be introduced in the TUB asking for you know a towel you know kind of slinging out of his you know? What does he refer to? It was his house. He says it's lavish but I call it home and it's so ridiculous but you know right off the bat. He takes that role of our traditional FEM fatale and catches catches you off guard. I think right off the bat in a way that you're you're not expecting him to be that kind of a character so we kind of trust him in a way that we shouldn't. I think I think yeah. I think that's a really great point. I hadn't thought of it that way. But what I really like about the Laura Hunt character like. You're saying she's not defensive Ital- family how might speak to the author Casper hope I'm pronouncing her name correctly. I mean this is because it's a story written by a woman this go the male. The female lead is very nuance. She's she has a lot of. She has a lot of complicit complexity she is a multifaceted character. There's there's like this natural vulnerability to her which is why everyone kind of wants to control her possess her? I mean everyone has this agenda there with her but she's also very versed. Strong person. You see this in the scene with weld ally decker when she meets him for the first time she's very brave even approaches 'em even though everyone else's scared to get his endorsement for their advertisement because he won't do it for anybody she ghost for it and there's one great scene later in the film where she says I think it was the android character detective McPherson and she. She's talking to him and he asked her not to leave the apartment and she leaves the apartment and meets with shelby. His who's played by Vincent Price and You know he catches her on that and brings it up later in conversations. She says I will not be bound by anybody. I believe I'm a firm believer in my free will. I just think that's so fascinating and makes her really complex female lead character totally agree with you and I love you. Bringing up the writer of the film and I think that combination with her script and premise. You're staying extremely true to it where you look across the board of this film. And it's I get I think about like a show like madmen. And showing the struggle of females trying to take rise through the career ranks and be taken seriously. And and that's set in you know fifteen twenty years after the fact and Laura here is you know she's a career woman and she's extremely successful and obviously it's implied implied that she has Waldo lie. Deckers help but I think that's debatable in its own right anyway given that he's the one who tells us about her backstory. It's something Eh. That whole flashback sequence. I think we can talk about in a minute. But across the board she. Laura is a strong willed character. Her aunt and and Treadwell again is a woman in control. I mean yes. They have this kind of rivalry over shelby. Carpenter it's kind of you kind of wonder what anyone sees him. I'm in the first place but the women are in control. And while as you put the men have these agendas we kind of see them. They all are kind kind of a step behind the women in this film and I love that you brought up and treadmill played by Judith Areas Anderson she that is one of my favorite characters in this movie and I don't think she's talked about an understated role absolutely she's got. She's a very strong minor character in the film She's a totally the red herring. You know like look to her before we look to the actual villain but yeah. She's very strong willed cheese. He's her aunt and she's like very much like control of her estate. You know at the beginning when we when we think that Laura is dead and and she's also got this. Yeah as you said the rivalry for shelby's For Shelby's attention. But I think there's this great line when she is with Laura Kind of towards the end and she's talking about how you know she. She is comparing her and herself to shelby and say were week. We're both capable of murder. And we understand it and one thing about her she. She didn't care she doesn't care. She accepts that she's bad and shelby's bad look those fascinating. There's just such interesting. She's such a she's is an interesting character because she's not a villain but she's not she's also kind of bad totally that that line that that kind of conversation sation between her and shelby towards the end of the film is so on points. As you're saying where these are these are not upstanding people and you're absolutely right. We totally look to an treadwell in that first interrogation where McPherson goes to her apartment and immediately. She's the first kind of suspicious person we come across and And so immediately we're like well. Okay so Laura's not the FEM fatale must be an treadwell. She's you know the one who's deceiving people and again it's really I like. I appreciate how even though you have this kind of three way. Love Interest Triangle. The with Laura and shelby the women never are really kind of betraying each other. The machinations are all kind of going on with the men and in many ways. Lauren and are both confident in what they have to offer. And it's that you have that scene between the two of them in Laura's bedroom it's you know it's so far from kind of I think the what wh- you expect going on between the interaction between these two quote unquote rivals to be an uber member and Niessen away and while they're both you know looking out in their own interest self interest they're not treacherous like these men are. It doesn't go to the cat like go to the territory of being added Atty. They're not caddy with each other. Kind of yeah. They both respect each other's Status in this kind of like social situation but yeah yeah I mean and understands that shelby is in love with Laura but understands too that she She and shelby Are you know a good fit together. In a way that she and Laura are not I mean shelby in lower. Not So yeah I I think you're you're spot on it doesn't go to. It doesn't become caddy between them their rivals. But there's also kind of mutual respect there absolutely I mean really and is kind of confidently playing the long game in this film and knows at some point. Shelby is gonNA come back around and he does in in the weakest way possible. I Love I mean I love the moment he it totally rebuffs her at the Party. It's so cold. He so arrogant but needs more Lauren. Exactly and then when he gets punched in the stomach by detective McPherson and she's there to comfort him in the way he's just starts kissing her hand. It's perfect it speaks speaks so perfectly to his character and her just knowing that that was coming all along but as you said in at the end of this film so many these characters are despicable and I I mean perhaps my favorite line of the film I dunno is detective McPherson saying you know I understand. You're innocent essentially to shelby but it should have been you. Who opened the door? You're you're innocent. You're not guilty of a crime but you're despicable human being and that is what these characters are. I mean so much of the film and let's not dance around March McPherson not exactly the most ethical police detective either even though he's our heroes hardly a Knight Titan Shining Armor. Yeah he's in a supposedly dead woman's apartment drinking away he gets way too emotionally involved with her her and he. You know sneaks into people's houses and he questions everybody's motivations he's like he's not he's not wholly holy good either and we can tell there's something he's like a rogue cop. I love those kind of characters like the police detective or just somebody the in a position of authority who kind of goes against the grain and does their own thing to solve a mystery. I just think that's really interesting rather than somebody who plays by the book. That's just boring. Yeah absolutely I mean it's already. I love his unconventional approach of seemingly taking all his witnesses or taking all his suspects along with him to interrogate the next person and just to understand very psychological man. He wants to see how all of these people interact together. Obviously makes a better movie as well. But you know he's he's I playing these people off of each other. But you know speaking to his infatuation with Laura as he becomes more obsessed with with her. I think it speaks again again to the script and it speaks to perimeter. Where there's A? There's so much subtext in this film and none of it hits you over the head playing with the gender kind of traditional gender dynamics. We've we've already discussed that. It's not the focus of this movie but it's kind of richly woven in and his and I totally agree and and but as well his obsession with Laura it's understated you know it really is Waldo lie decker. Someone who you know purports to have kind of this keen insight insight into people who finally puts it into words and I think we as the audience like we have a suspicion. It doesn't quite seem regulation as you say for him to be in her apartment min drinking all her alcohol and reading her diary but at the same time it's not out and out like he's like pining at her portrait either but all of a sudden he's been there in that room a long time and when lie deckers puts words to end. Says I understand that you put in an a bid on her portrait that we say oh like this is weird detected. McPherson has his own agenda here and it's not entirely. He's concerned with who the murderer is. But he's got other things going on and I love how it doesn't hit you over the head but when it does start to bubble up to the surface it's all the more eerie because of it. Yeah I mean. He's is in love with the painting and a dead woman at the beginning before we find out what's really happening and I think it's interesting to like. You said he's kind of downplaying it a little bit you know. It's not completely evident that he's falling in love with Laura and one thing. I think it's interesting between kind of the opposition between him him in Waldo Light Decker. Is that mark. Maguire McPherson Calls Laura Dame and Waldo hates that he brings that up several times. MM string the during the The whole movie up until almost the very end that that mark is just calling Laura a dame kind of diminishing her as a person by referring to this this does name and that's really important for Waldo character because Waldo says that a law is his creation creation that he built her up to be what she is in he has so much influence on her even to the objects in her apartment apartment all the antiques and in a way we see this In the opening scene in his lavish apartment that he calls home is he collects antiques. He collects pieces of art. Laurenti is another piece of art he collected and gave value to and mark. McPherson is diminishing her by calling in her name and almost like reducing her market value. That way so I think that's super interesting. How Waldo has this kind of over the top OP love for Laura but Marx's kind of you know a little more subtle and kind of like under the radar will bit? Yeah in many ways. It's kind of all all summer is right in the opening moments of this film when detective McPherson opens her his kind of a display case to hold this crystal peace. And he's like like you know tells him that no that's priceless. You can't have your hands on it. I mean yeah you're absolutely right. Laura is just another kind of priceless display item item that he hopes to put in one of his cases and and and mark is immediately drawn to it with a more hands on passionate. Love if you will than Waldo lie decker. who builds things up and trying to keep them for himself and that kind of brings us around to again? What I think is a understated sequence that I think you can read multiple ways if you if you so please and again speaks to kind of the the methodical nature of this film the rich nature of this film? It's not all it appears on the surface is the lengthy flashback sequence of Waldo. Lie Decker telling detective McPherson in about his relationship with Laura and how their first time they met their growing relationship. All of these things and it's it's portrayed on unlike much of the film it doesn't have nearly the aesthetic. It's shot much much more brightly. Much more traditional Hollywood their relationship is portrayed much more idyllic I love the scene when he tells he's recounting of this horrible story that that he wrote to defame the painter and she's reading it in bed chuckling to herself and it's kind of that moment where you start to say wait a minute. It's Waldo lie decker telling us about how all of this happened and how objective is he being in recounting. This flashback. How much of his own own ego is caught up in the events? where seeing you almost kind of yearn to hear Laura's side of the story because I don't think it's probably quite as has as rosy as weld ally decker makes it seem and one thing I had to say though just like to fit the lower perspective in there? I think it's interesting those opposite scenes where you have her approaching him for the first time and he's having lunch and he makes it clear that him having lunch is more important important that her existing you know and it's just so insulting and that's one of the I mean we start we've already developed a compassion for the Laura character as audience audience. Because we think she's dead at the beginning you know in all these. Were trying to figure out like who killed her and then we get this flashback. We realized that Waldo was really really a jerk to her at the beginning. And the next thing you see him kind of you know humbling himself going to her work Offering to Endorse her ad and then she just wants nothing to do with him until he basically gives her what she wants so I think that in itself is there something a little feminist about that like she. She was very brave. She approached them with his career opportunity. He turned her down and he comes straight comes to her because he's so charmed by her. She was the only person to approach him for this because she has this courage that other people don't have and that really charmed him. You know and then he just totally does like an about face so I thought that was really interesting within the flashback. Absolutely I think think you're absolutely right and but that's exactly I think. What makes the film so intriguing to me because everything you just said I totally agree with it and then at the same time part of me wonders when you look at preneurs films? He's so concerned with a certain juxtaposition or divide of objectivity and subjectivity subjectivity. And what how much can we truly rely on in terms of objective information. And you know we kind of buy into this narrative narrative that Waldo lie decker based on the version. He tells us really built up as you say he humbles himself. But it's this kind of magnanimous so I came in. I helped you because I realized I was a jerk and it really puts her success ultimately on his generosity Rossi and she's so kind of she's portrayed so plainly in a way during that restaurant seen her hat is low. She's is not dressed as as ornately and stylishly. As we see later in the film in some of the Party sequences. And it's like you know. She didn't have she really needed. The Waldo lie decker touch and I can't help but feel like you don't just inject people with confidence by being around someone like all the like I wonder like maybe she was well suited to a career success and she was already on the rise and we just kind of take those word for it and yeah think yeah. Sorry you'd be a great point because actually in the beginning of the film when Mark and Waldo are talking about Aldo's writings where he writes regularly about murder murderer He said that the the the latest murder story which was supposed to be at about a true story like a true story that happened? The heat change change the method of killing like it was. Yeah so we already know from the very Allen set that Waldo lie decker is a writer and a storyteller storyteller but a manipulator won't heal till change the change the truth will heal ads allies in there too for his benefit. It makes a better story. Yeah absolutely and he's so he's clearly not above that and that's I forgot about that. He tells us right upfront out now. I'm I'm willing to to play with the truth to suit my needs so in a long. Flashback sequence. I mean. You can't help you want Laura side of the story. We never fully get it but because of all the interogations that we experienced start to finish. I think we start to sense that everyone even though we don't know it yet. I feel like by the time Laura is reintroduced. Such an amazing twist. I did not see it coming the first time I watched this movie for better or worse but when she walks in the door I felt like I was was McPherson. What are you really here? Is this a dream. What's going on and at the same time at this point while the lie decker seems not exactly like a wonderful human being shelby. Carpenter is immediately off pudding and Treadwell is made to be suspicious right off the bat that when Laura a story doesn't immediately add up you throw her right in the mix of like well she's in on it somehow and and the film kind of struggles struggles with that from until the end until of course McPherson interrogates her and reveals. Unfortunately of course he goes to interrogate Laura to get information from her and he ends up giving her more information than she gives him by kind of revealing the he's in love with her. I love that. Love that interrogation sequence. Yeah and what. What I think is interesting about that? He says you know I'm ninety nine percent sure that you're innocent but that I have to squash that one percent of doubt That was a great line in and in one thing too is a lot of the events in the story happened at Laura's apartment and that's her space and I think it's interesting. 'cause they're at that party to kind of welcome her back from being dead or something no and he takes her out of that space and into his world at the at the The police station and he he. That's where he has the most control so I think it's just really interesting. How he just like draws her out? How so a lot of the story is? How much control can I assert over Laura? I mean shell shelby wants to marry her. You know Mark Mark wants to save her Waldo wants to possess her and even like you know even something like the character. Bessie the made. You know. She also wants control over Laura. She wants to control her story. She doesn't want the shoes want mark looking through her personal diary. She wants to take care of of Laura so I just think it's interesting. How hell yeah like? All the character is try to exert some control over her because they all WanNa possessor yeah. You're absolutely right Bessie as well well. You're absolutely she's she's constantly trying to protect Laura's such a good point in trying to kind of make make the evidence fit a story that makes her look hurlock innocent and maybe point the direction and you know even bessie kind of trying to manipulate things to be like who she thinks might have done it and kind of pointing it in Shelby's direction in and you mentioned it earlier. The scene when McPherson tells her not to leave the apartment. I love compared to a lot of noir films. How how kind of procedural this film is in a lot of it's detective work? You know the you you know it to no real end. But you see how these men are tailing everyone you know. It's not just McPherson. We learn about the phone tapping all of this stuff. There's kind of a nice prelude to the police procedural but when when she then goes and does meet with shelby. Obviously our suspicion is peaked and the scene of McPherson following shelby. Out to the country to me. This scene is like when this film wins. It's Best Cinematography Academy award because this is like full full on storm. It's like rewatching the film. I think my heart is still racing expecting for this scene to end up with somebody dying in it and of course it doesn't really happen that way but it is so tense through that scene. Do you agree. Yeah I say that scene and then look what you mentioned earlier. There interrogation irrigation scene. Where the bright lights shining Laura's face oh those those two scenes are just absolutely film noir and just so much fun to watch? Yeah Yeah Yeah. That's a great point as well as the interrogation sequences. Such how many how. Many films noir with someone's face in the in the bright lights of a police interrogation room home and she is one of the few characters whose again to your earlier point strong willed enough to say like. Can you please turn off the lights like this seems unnecessary. I mean what are the great things about her character inserted. Go on this kind of like rand. But it's what I what I love about. Her character is that not only do this. Everyone wants to possess her She's just this might be because you know we're not getting her story we're getting it from Waldo and we're getting it from these other characters tres. Is that no one really knows fully anything about her like we know some of her story. But we don't know the full picture and no one can really possess Laura and we are lusting after her just like everyone else is we are. We are in trance. We are intrigued creed. We want to know more about her. But she's kind of held a little bit at a distance which makes her even more appealing. It makes us want to possess her more. Yeah I think it's just something so interesting that they did with her character that if they had maybe flushed out her story a little more Or told us told told it from her perspective. You know and not wall does where we get kind of this other Avenue into her story. That made me. She wouldn't have been as intriguing. Yeah I think that's I think that's absolutely great point the fact so much of what we were so desperate for the puzzle pieces to kind of fall into place that and as you say she's been just a painting on the wall to us until this moment And we get glimpses into her home but we don't really understand who she is. I don't I think we understand that much more about her by the end. There's something very appealing in that. I think we have. The broad strokes of this is a successful strong willed woman. But we don't really know what makes her tick. I love at the end. You know Waldo coming in to try and murder her at the end I mean frankly. She saves herself in the end as well. Well she is not faced with the wrong end of a double barreled shotgun. She does not run away she runs to Waldo and makes makes him miss his own shot. Yes and there's something incredibly courageous in that final act that she is. She saves herself and As much as mark McPherson wants to save her he neither prevents Waldo from shooting. Nor does he kill. Does he killed this other. The sergeant that kind of you know points to the reminds us by the end of this film. This movie's called Laura. It is not detected McPherson and is not mark and and You know she's the one who's going to continue on a far more interesting life and you you know yes. There is a mile the romance between the two. But I don't think you under this film really leading us to believe that these people are destined to be together either and it was a great scene between mark and Laura is it's windy. He goes and brings her breakfast Because supposedly like he caught while he caught her leaving and she didn't buy food so he she. She knows that he needs a that. She needs food so he brings her like eggs and Bacon and asked her to make coffee and In the conversation turns to weather she can cook are not and she says that she was always interested in being a career woman and her mother always was is trying to teach her a new recipe. So I think it's interesting that she chose not the gender norm For a woman at that time to kind of you know oh just get married and be a housewife like. She chose a career for herself. So she's just like a very it's she's a different character. I think that's what makes her so interesting. Yeah I agree and I think it speaks to a lot of what we've been discussing in the sense that I don't think this film hits you over the head with that theme theme to the Yes. It comes up in lines of dialogue like you just mentioned or in kind of the characters not taking on their usual archetypes. But you're not like oh man. I'm really like this movie's really trying to make a point. It's you know first and foremost this film is concerned with having a very suspenseful intriguing storyline. I mean it is a fantastic suspense thriller. But it you know it's so richly kind of weaves these other other themes in that you you leave with it and it feels extremely authentic right. I mean it doesn't feel as though this film is trying to. Hey you know. Make a point or leave you. Oh really that movie really made me think about other things. No this is a story. Filled with intriguing characters and and each of these characters is very richly depicted and by the end. You say wow I. A lot of my expectations were wrong. And then at the same time by the end you're like how did I just immediately know it was Waldo lie decker right like all the clues had he just been had it been the woman from the beginning and he been a more typical typical FM SEATTLE. I think we would have all seen it coming. And you realize just the slightest subversion and can really play with your expectations and your enjoyment of the film and I think it hits home all the harder because of it. There have been a couple of times that I've watched this film been like Oh ended it and I completely forgot the Waldo did it and then it surprised me so I mean I've seen it many times since but like it. Yeah it's a big surprises. Even on repeat viewings. I like what you said about the characters because has the characters are just so spot on there so well done and they are perfect for their actors. I think some people have said that gene Tierney was it. Wasn't that great an actress but I think she's perfect for the role of Laura because she has that She has that like natural actual beauty and natural vulnerability but also sort of strength because even though she's very young she's already gone through some life. Struggles you know at at that point in her life so she's kind of world-weary but she's also vulnerable so she said she's got this natural complexity herself that made her perfect for Laura Dana Dana Andrews is just absolutely amazing as mark McPherson kind of like this emotionally reserved but still emotional character to because he's so invested in this mystery in and Laura and then I mean like Clifton Webb will also always be Waldo lie decker I mean can you imagine somebody else playing that role. I mean. He's just perfect for it. And then Vincent Price I mean this is a role that he's not some people who know him from his like horror days in the nineteen eighteen seventies. We'll be like what that's inside price. But I think he's so interesting because he's so tall and brawny and he's like the he he had a looms over the other male characters in the all kind of represent a different type of masculinity and he's kind of like the Tall Brawny Ronnie character and mark is You know he's. He's kind of the strong authority figure who is also kind of vulnerable and then Waldo is just like kind of rich uppity manipulator so the oldest but they all work for the characters. So it's just like a perfect marriage marriage between actor and character. I just love how they're paired. Yeah I mean Agana to me it speaks to Hollywood Studio System Running as a Well oiled machine sheen that you say you know you have all of these actors at your disposal but how do you pair them to really work off well off of each other and this is a prime example of it because I do think think this movie is so rooted in its characters and it wouldn't work if you had actors who weren't well suited to play off each other. I agree with you totally so so well done. I love your point. About how Vincent Price Can you just kind of looms over people. And he said he fronted in the movie right. He's like people people just assume I'm guilty of things because of my demeanor how I am. And he's right like you do kind of like. Oh this guy feels like he's probably guilty and at at the same time the film kind of plays it just plays with our expectations so well that at the beginning we think perhaps walled ally rely decker is seems like a fairly journalist. He's well quaffed and all of these things. This oath is not in of course by the end. It's the reverse and we see that Shell Carpenter is not guilty. But he's gross and and and we should have known that Waldo like decker. Last last name has lying right in the titans. We should've seen it coming. But you know these are richly kind of crafted characters. And I love your point about Laura being kind of. She's vulnerable and yet strong at the same time I love you. Know she comes back home defined a man in her apartment and then discovers that a murder took place there and she is both overwhelmed. But very kind of resilient zillion at the same time and it speaks to it speaks to this strong woman that we have come to know in her broad strokes you know I like to compare her character to Daisy from DC Buchanan from the Great Gatsby Because she is someone that I'm Jay Gatsby is trying to possess but she's just she kind of holds back and she's not she. I mean he feels it feels like she like he's he's getting somewhere with her. Then it we find out that really never gonNA happen but one thing about DC candidate. She's very difficult character for an actress actress to play pretty much every actress. Who has played her has been criticized for not being right for the part? Because daisy is so much the downfall of Jacob's beat that we don't understand You know we have to have somebody who is believable in that role but I I think is interesting too. Is Laura similar. Not the same but similar and Gene Tierney just pulls it off really well. She almost could've played. Daisy Buchanan herself. Yeah I think This there's we look at her through the painting and then when she when she is physically there we see it. We understand why everyone John is obsessed with her. You know like we get it like were kind of obsessed with her too. I just think something about that. It's like A. It's like an x factor. There's something that works wchs with this actress that just made it made it all come together so well said Yeah. I mean this movie on its surface. It wants to make this murder mystery and then you realize I mean this really is a movie about this personality that everyone is drawn to as you say that everyone wants to possess you realize that we're kind of just as guilty of it as all the characters in the movie. And that's I think the testament of a well-made well-crafted film that it can kind of project onto the viewer were it's the same dynamic that's going on onscreen and reflects a special special film in the end. What Raquel anything else you'd like to discuss about Laura? I have to say I love the set for like it's a great use of objects in film in a film home Just first of all the painting. The painting is up fairly high on the over the Mantel. It's Laura looking down on everybody body. It's a beautiful painting are is drawn to it a lot. There's almost like a halo of light around her head. Almost making her look like a ghostly. Spirit that's watching watching over them. It's really interesting. It also plays her for a good amount of the beginning of the film so I thought that was really interesting and from mode I understand Rouben. Mamoulian was the first director and his wife had done an actual painting for it but then with auto premature took over. I think they scrap that painting and then they took a picture of her and beat. It looked like a painting so it looks very much like gene tyranny and I thought that was a great use of an object in a film film and then also the grandfather clocks really interesting and very key to the plot because Walled ally decker has to has a pair of them mm and he gives one to Laura and that's one way he's controlling her because we find out later that's where he hides the shotgun where when he thought he was killing Laura is he hid it in the base of the grandfather clock and that becomes key to mark McPherson solving the mystery he he and I just thought it was super interesting and then the last shot of the film I believe is is the After while delight decker is shot. You see that the the grandfather clock is destroyed as well So that was interesting that lake this object that he used to control Laura Becomes destroyed when he's destroyed saw. It just thought that was really interesting and then I love to that little game that Dana Andrews is using the mark plays with. It's like the Little Baseball Games Ames and he says that it requires a lot of control and it calms his nerves. I just thought that was just a subtle use. Something that spoke to Hugh Marks Personality as somebody who isn't authority and wants to Have Control but also tries to control his own emotions. It's very much controlling his emotions this entire time and it. They're at risk of you know. He's at risk of losing that control because of Laura herself you're out you're absolutely right so great you're one hundred percent correct and I love because I always instruct at the beginning when he first when we first see that little baseball game and it comes off often is like almost this level of kind of Sam spade indignant where he's just like you're not even interesting enough for me to pay attention to so I'm GONNA play my little game. Mm over here and you think it's extremely disrespectful. And then when he does reveal that you know takes a lot of control and it's in the way we see him kind of almost turn into it as as kind of like a safety net as the film goes on. And it's it's we think of him as this totally in control character your typical because kind of noir hero anti hero who may be seeing things to three steps ahead and you realize well or does he needed this kind of safety blanket of like okay. Calm down just be in control and he has a device. But it's you know to me. I think that that little as you say it's such an excellent singular device and I think it shows so much about about his character and how it kind of how we perceive him over the course of the film and again to your point about the the grandfather clock I think it's in the opening monologue the made reference to the grandfather clock. We certainly see it time and again we we see weld ally decker say like I'm you know I want my grandfather clock back. I'm going to come and get it and at no point until the very enderle like well that's GonNa be key to this mystery right but then at the same time when it is revealed will of course it was the grandfather clock. I Love uh-huh that's kind of overt like you know okay. Well that object is gonNA come up later because that it'd be put too much attention to it but it's more subtle in this film. You don't know no it's actually going to be a big part of the plot until later and as you said it's like Oh yeah well of course it finds that right balance where it draws enough attention to it that you you're very aware of it and at the same time you don't suspect it and I think that speaks to the film across the board right. I mean it just knows how to play. Its audience AH correctly. I think it speaks to premature sophistication as as a director to really say. I understand kind of how audiences are going to come into this film and I know how to walk the tightrope into getting them right where I want them to have an excellent twist. Have the emotional payoff in the end. It's it's really quite something and I would be remiss not to talk about David risking score. Which I it's considered one of the best in film and also I thought it was interesting? I read a story that a lot of actresses turned down the role. Hetty Lamar turned it down of Laura Jennifer Jones Jones and Rosalind Russell. They were all offered the part and they turned it down because there wasn't enough screen time for the actress. I thought that was interesting. But I think hetty Lamar said that. Oh they sent me the script score score. It just adds so much to the film and and I think vincit prices also mentioned it in interviews after the film. That like They they made the movie. They didn't think like great things about it. I thought it it was a good film but anything great things until they watched it with the score and they were completely sold on their own film. I thought that was really interesting. That music can be so uh-huh powerful in delivering drama like this. Yeah I mean music is I love the I mean especially the scene when mark is kind of roaming her apartment. Before Laura's or is finally revealed to us the music crescendo in such a way I mean it's so tense but yeah again speaking to you know. Obviously there were lots of things wrong with the Hollywood studio system and it's not treat necessarily everyone fairly but it allowed these studios to have masters of their various area crafts at their disposal. And you get some really special films as a result and absolutely it's kind of what makes this the Hollywood they would studio systems such a fascinating era to pick through and pick through its films pick through a film that as you say that the actors could come out of it and say well that was just another film. I made not necessarily anything particularly special. And then at the same time then they watch it and say you know you can see all the other crafts that come to bear in making the film come together and you say well. That's actually. I can't believe I was in that. I was so special at the that's true. Well Raquel this was awesome as always you are a pleasure to have on the show. Why don't you tell our listeners? What's going on in your on your various blogs? Thank you so much. This was a lot of fun and if anyone wants to talk about classic movies they can find my blog out of the past out of the past blog dot com. I also have a youtube channel and facebook page for that that I'm on twitter a lot. Just my name at Raquel Stitcher and I love to talk about classic movies in new movies on there and I also have an instagram called at cal movies which Also is the name of my new movie site cal. MOVIES DOT COM. Thank you absolutely check out her sites. You are a a wealth of information on both classic movies and newer movies alike so you listeners by all means check out recalls work Raquel. Thank you so much for coming on and I look forward to your return in the future. Yes absolutely thank you so much. That concludes our episode on Laura. I would love to hear what you think of this. Classic Movie Must Feel Free To tweet at movie. Must Pod or email classic movie must at gmail.com email dot com. You can listen to all our episodes on our website as well as learn more about the show at classic movie must dot Com. You can support the show and get access to classic movie must double feature as well as Max's movie must over on Patriots Fan. You can also become a producer of the show. Just like Don Hoffman Lee. Eleanor B the Max. Thank you all so much for your generous patronage checkout alert Patriots Support Tears and their awards at Patriotic Dot com slash classic movie must remember episodes. Release every Friday on all podcast services. Thank you so much for listening until the next episode. Keep up with your classics six.

Laura Laura detective McPherson Waldo decker Laura shelby murder Laura Kind bessie kind Mark McPherson Laura Hunt Laura Dana Dana Andrews Hollywood Mark Mark Dana Andrews Laura Raquel Treadwell Treadwell Party Dr Laura Stars Vincent Price
What Do We Have in Common?

Nancy

30:02 min | 1 year ago

What Do We Have in Common?

"Nancy is supported by Carey's, Harry's released a limited edition shave with heights, and thanks to support from people like you, they sold out donated thousands of dollars to the Trevor project. You can still give Harry's a try. Just go to harrys dot com. Flesh Nancy to get a trial set. Listener supported w in Y C studios. What is still more? I've heard of it. But I don't know exactly what it is. I think maybe some kind of Giral the stonewall where people come to cry now. Band history. Only think I don't remember is it a programming gay rights stonewall inn from nineteen sixty nine riots the start of the revolution, people died blood, transgender women or big part of that. What is it? It's a bar here in the village where police raided it and the gays fought back. Fits from WNYC studios. You're listening to Nancy with your hosts token, lo and Kathy too. Okay. Personally in that montage. My favorite person was the one who said she's create. Yeah. I have to say, I feel for the people who got it wrong because if somebody came up to me, and was, like, what is this thing? I be like I dunno. Ulysses grant. To answer. Yes, I love the person who said it was a programming because what even is that's what I'm saying. That's absolutely. What my brain would do. I would misfire sure same. Okay, but all kidding aside calf. It is the fiftieth anniversary of the stonewall, riots, the famous uprising that happened in New York in June of nineteen sixty nine yes. And as our favor montage person said it was the night that the gays fought back when the police raided the stonewall in a gay bar casts as you and I have talked about other than like the very basic fact you know that there was an uprising in core. People fought the police. It's actually kind of hard to give a definitive account of stonewall like who is there? What happened? There's just like a lot of conflicting stories right? Which, you know is kind of to be expected for something that happened fifty years ago, for sure. But also, maybe there's something to be learned from all the different stories. We tell about that night, which is why we've invited historian Mark Stein to the studio. Mark just published a book called the stonewall riots a documentary history where he sifted through a ton of different counts of. What happened at the stonewall inn on the night of the uprising and in the days that followed and he's going to help us unpack some of these stonewall minutes. So let's welcome to the show. Mark. Hello, mark. Hey Mark, thank you, so Mark in the sort of Lor of what happened at stonewall. There's a lot of let's call them facts that have been rip seated again over and over again. So we wanted to run a couple by you just to maybe do a little debunking and the first one, we're going to start with is one that I hear a lot. And in fact, rupaul actually just talked about it on this season of drag race and stated, it as fact fed up with Lisa restaurant the patriots of the stonewall used their grief over judy's Jess to rise up and fight back and the gay liberation movement was born. Wow. Did Judy Garland's funeral actually spark these stonewall riots? Well of the thirty or so media accounts that I've reprinted in my book. There's one that mentions the connection to the Judy Garland funeral. So I wouldn't say that there's no chance but there's very little evidence from the time that, that really played an instigating factor. The theory that I work with is actually one that was invoked at the time by a few gay reporters. But was sort of lost as an explanation for what happened and it drew on actually a very famous sociological theory about what causes revolutions, and it's a theory that says revolutions happened, not when conditions are at their worst, and not when conditions are slowly improving, but when a period of improvement in social conditions is followed by rapid reversal disillusionment and despair, and there had been improvements in social conditions in the second half of the sixties for LGBT people. And then there's the election of Nixon in sixty eight and his inauguration in early, sixty nine and then there's a series of police killings of gay men in New York, and on the west coast in the months leading up to the stole riots. So I'd be more likely to I am more likely to argue that growing sense of disillusionment despair that helped create the mood in the bar and on the streets during the riots. So what you're saying is most likely not Judy Garland's funeral. That's right. You very effectively. Boiled down, my long winded answer. I can give you the five word answers, if you like the other questions, you're gonna ask who exactly started the riot. If there's one person because I feel like I always hear that it was Marsha p Johnson. The chance gender activist were referred. I can't give a fiver dancer, too. So to begin with to the people who are very often credited with starting the riots. Marsha p Johnson and Sylvia Rivera. Very interesting very complicated. And very important figures in the late sixties and early. Seventies in LGBT politics in New York, they themselves offered conflicting accounts about whether they were there when the ride started, and I think we have to begin with their own words, and I think more often than not, they did not indicate that they started the riots. I think there are more reliable accounts that single out stormy delivery often identified as by racial or African American often identified as a Butch, lesbian. But I guess I would also say I don't think there was any one moment, or one thing rights or really complicated phenomena. And it's one moment leading. To another moment, leading to another moment. Why guess in talking about how violent God or how serious, the riots were, you know, I've sometimes heard that, like a molotov cocktail was thrown at the cops to ignite, the riots. I don't even know what a malt of cocktail. It's the cloth doused in gasoline in a bottle that you light on fire and. West. They're even a molotov cocktail involved for I can't or deny. Tell me there were there are certainly reports that when the police got trapped inside the bar that there were all sorts of objects being thrown at the stonewall inn coins were being thrown anything people could find on the street bricks. And then there was apparently an attempt to light the bar on fire the account that I recall is one that says that lighter fluid was scored it on the building, and someone tried to light a match and then the police inside. We're trying to use water hoses to prevent the fire from starting. A lot of people say that stonewall is what kicked off the gay liberation movement. Is this true? Will think many of us who study? Queer history are really working against the popular myth that the LGBT movement began at stonewall. It's pretty well established now that the movement began twenty years earlier and historians have now documented more than thirty LGBT protests demonstrations, sit ins even riots before the stonewall, riots, those activists saw themselves as part of the Revolutionary Movement of movements. They were aligned with the Black Panthers. And with the counterculture the sexual revolution. And women's liberation they participated in anti war activism. So that was all beginning to happen in the months leading up to stonewall stonewall, all the credit events in America's history. Why is that the most pivotal, I think it would partly was the level of violence on the street. The. Length of the riots, the fact that it played out over several days, the number of people involved. But ultimately, I think, really what made stonewall so central in the way we imagined queer and trans history is what happened afterwards, the fact that it led to mass mobilization social diversification political radicalization, and then the decision to start commemorating the riots one year later that really built into the pride parades and marches and protests that now have been going on for five decades. Mark. Thank you so much for talking to us to be here. As Mark said, the stonewall riots fifty years ago, led to a pride parade the following year that laid the groundwork for even more marches, and activism, and protests, one of the groups leading the charge was called the gay Liberation Front Karla Jay was a leader in that group and the first woman to be chair, but before the uprising, she was just a twenty two year old living in New York, who wanted a safe place to hang out with their friends and be herself. The boars were oppressive, and we went there, because we're grateful to be there to have a place to go, and there was no place, except the board to go other lesbians in bars they train, you, you know, when I was a baby dyke, and I went to a bar I was told look you see over there with the police come in their lights are going to go on their rather, the white, they're gonna flash if those lights flash and your dancing. With somebody stop dancing. It was a legal to dance with someone of the same sex. If you're wearing, you know, a tie pull it off. Get rid of that thing. So they taught me to count before I went to the bar because you had to wear three pieces of women's clothing, but nineteen sixty nine if you were wearing a pair of jeans and zipped up the front, those were men's pants. So if the police came in and they saw a fly in the front, the police would then pull you into the bathroom and strip you to see whether or not you had three pieces somewhere. Wow. Do you remember where you are, when you first heard that the stonewall riots were happening? Yes, I think I'm the only lesbian in New York, who was not in the stonewall or game. I was not there. I usually on the Saturday night. I went to the movies, and it was much cheaper than going to the bars. On Saturday night. So my choice was the double feature, and the next morning, I heard about the stone will uprising on the radio and I was amazed that people had resisted, but I didn't know where would go. I mean I didn't have a crystal ball. I thought, well, the fourth of July is coming all the gay men. I know the go off to fire island and that will be that won't it but it didn't you wench the second night. Check it out and see what was happening. What was the scene, Mike? When you got there, I, I went down to the stonewall to see what was happening like everybody else I got off in. There were police barricades on the streets around the stonewall and mostly. The people were on the side streets over Bhai Waverly, and Perry of the square and people were yelling and shouting, and you couldn't get in front of the stonewall, but it was the gay Liberation Front that changed everything the. Fact that we organized that we commemorated the stonewall uprising with a March that we decided we weren't going to take this garbage any more from the police that we weren't going to be treated in this fashion again. Yeah. We didn't always get along. But we decided that we could share a goal. Yeah. We could share this goal of changing the world that the world had to change that we couldn't go on being in bars where any minute the police were gonna come in and ruin our lives, can you describe what the scene was like, in those early meetings, and what were those conversations like about trying to get organized someone chaired each meeting? But we sat there mostly we screamed at each other. And so we had equal opportunity screaming in there. And we very quickly divided into what we called cells, and the cells then got the work done. So in the dish. Into the query and sell which organized social activities. We had some political cells, which organized demonstrations. You reference that there was in those early meetings. A lot of screaming what why screaming and what was it about, you know, when you look at our community. I mean, this is really our issue now. And we still have the same issues today. If you look at the LGBTQ A plus plus plus community, what do we really have in common? We haven't common that those big it's out there. Hate us all the same way they don't see us as different people. They think we're all these reprehensible queers that they hate. And when you get down to the root of that, that held us together, but it also made people angry, you know, the trans people the people of color, the women, the bisexual 's these people, all felt that their voices were not being heard in the Galeb ration- front, and the more their voices could not be heard the louder the show. Oh, that amid sort of disagreements, and trying to get organized in that sort of thing, what do you think the group did well or right? I think that our idea that we had to change society. Whereas the previous organizations which deserve tremendous credit. They felt that they had to present themselves, as looking like an acting like straight people, and the venture -ly mainstream society would realize that we weren't a threat, and they would accept us. We felt that straight society had to change and be more like us that we had a lot to offer them fashion. Tips, just for starters, you know, and new ways of interacting. We're not going to be the carbon. We were going to be the original, we were going to go forward. We're going to have different ways of relating we were going to develop our own culture. We're going to develop her own ideas, and in LA. Let them follow us. This was a very novel and revolutionary idea. And I'm really sorry, that we've lost this society needs to be more like us, they still was there a moment or a change that happened because they Galeb ration- front, where you were able to look at it and say we did that, like we accomplish that I think the most amazing thing that we accomplished was working on the first March. We were part of the organizers of what was called Christopher street liberation day committee, that formed the first pride March. There was actually a March one month after the stone will uprising where a small group of fifty people met in Washington square park at six PM and walked very quickly back to the stone will because they're never been an BT March. And we did. Did not know if people would cheer us or throw bottles at us in the village, we said off the sidewalks into the street and people were so afraid people were frayed to go up the street. The what would happen if someone saw them, they could lose their jobs. If they were married they lose their children. The laws were so repressive in nineteen seventy. So when we did that and then fifty years later, the people of the world have joined us. Carlo. Thank you so much for coming in. Thank you so much for having me on your podcast. So we've been talking a lot about stonewall and the activism that grew out of it, and it got us thinking about where we are right now as a clear community. How do we continue the work of the folks who started this movement? Coming up. We talked to activists Raquel Willis about where we go from here. Nancy is supported by tomboy X makers of thoughtfully crafted gender-neutral underwear for all the ways you see yourself, don't let them suits that don't fit. Don't flatter. And don't stay put when you move ruin your summer checkout tomboy swimwear comeback somewhere is comfortable flattering stays in place, whether you're swimming volleyball, or out on the town, choose from some shorts boy, shorts razorback tops and much more. Tomboy x dot com slash Nancy and check out their awesome swimmer collection in Nancy listeners, get an extra fifteen percent off with code Nancy. Hey, this is Kathy toban hosts of the WNYC studios podcast, Nancy this month marks fifty years since the uprising at the stonewall inn here in New York's Greenwich Village an event that some consider to be one of the catalysts for the LGBTQ civil rights movement. And to commemorate, this moment, we've curated some of the best episodes from the great podcast at WNYC, the celebrate queer stories invoices. It's called. The sound of pride stonewall fifty subscribe to the sound of pride stonewall at fifty for free wherever you get your podcasts. So cast, we're at this fiftieth anniversary moment of stonewall for celebrating pied months and thing you and I have talked a lot about is this feeling of like conflict, because, you know, pride grew out of a riot and activism, and this feeling over ballion and so to see pride now with all the parties and parades. And like glitter. Yes. Why must there be so much glitter? Yeah, there's a lot of glitter. I feel very complicated about it because I want to be able to celebrate. But how do I square that with, also really feeling like a lot of stuff right now? Just not great for queer people totally. And this came up in a recent op at that recall, Willis wrote for out magazine. You mean the one called pride month this disgrace? Yes. Yes. Well, the official title is fifty years, later pride month is a disgrace to our ancestors. And in it, she writes with the power and resources that have been crude in the last. Fifty years, none of us should be suffering, especially not the Sylvia's and marshes of today. The rights never actually ended. Let's ensure that one day, they actually do recall is the executive editor at out, but she's also been a major leader for queer and trans rights. She spoke at the women's March in DC back in twenty seventeen. She's also started a project for the transgender Law Center, called black transferable if oh, Casses on providing resources for black trans women. So like she's been out there really doing the work we wanted to talk to her about where pride has. Maybe you lost its way, and how to fix it. So she came into the studio, and we started by asking, if she's always been so willing to call things out when I was growing up. I mean, my dad was very traditional, you know, masculine southern man, and so a lot of times if he said something, and you just wouldn't challenge him on an even though you knew it was like it, correct. Or wrong. I was like probably like five, and I told my mom was like, you know, you don't have to do this, this way, because he says that, you know, my mom was just like you just have to pick your battles. And, and I didn't get it at the time, right? 'cause I was like, well, we have to fight every battle, I think I still try to fight every battle exhausted. Same. So, yeah, recap has never been afraid to stand up and speak her mind. She told us, she's inspired by the stonewall veterans. She's had a chance to interview over the years, like miss major a black chance activists who was on the front lines of the stonewall uprising and helped to usher in the modern day trans movement her talking about how the police were out there. You know, like a line of like storm troopers and how every time they would try to get up if they were not down. It was like a tidal wave crashing into a city that image is so different from this kind of rainbow glitter filled image that we have of pride from all your home stations. Is there like a certain type of activism that you think is more effective than others? I think that there is such an devaluing and a racing of the power of actual grassroots organizing, I think about even, you know, the people who do the HIV advocacy at the club on, you know, Thursday night and, you know, they're trying to get their friends to like be a part of their survey, or, or do their testing and all of that stuff. And then their, their friends are like Nogal and trying to dance that is organizing is to me. It's those elements that get so glossed over and this larger conversation around activism solely being about visibility. I mean hearing Raquel talk about visibility versus activism. It makes me think a lot, especially during this month of pride, you know, like it is amazing that you can see where people be the faces of major campaigns and like that is affirming for people to see themselves reflected in media, and whatever. But that inherently is not the same thing as activism, because like activism is defined by verb, like active doing things. And so what recalls talking about him what you really makes me think about is how like it is about going out, and making change, and actively doing that. It's not just about like do we see ourselves reflected, which is amazing. It's about. Are we doing the things that we need to do to make change happen in one of the big things recounted issue with in how we celebrate pride today? Is that it feels like our history gets forgotten? So when I talk about. How we need to dig deeper with pride month. I'm not critiquing. The fact that we should be able to celebrate who we are and have a party. I mean queer folks can party, you know, that's one of our superpowers, but that also means that we can have a real conversation about s-. What that celebration looks like and how that celebration isn't the same as acknowledging an honoring what happened at stonewall inn in nineteen sixty nine because we know that the mood of that night, it was fury. It was Farber it was anguish it was fresh stray Shen, you know, it was a riot a rebellion. So in critiquing pride. I hope in the fiftieth celebration. We will have a real conversation about the ways that all of these forces are still plaguing our community. So Tobin like you read the piece recall writes about a bunch of things, she thinks we can fight for to carry the torch of the older generation, and I feel like things that she wrote about that really resonated, with me are ending the murders of black trans women legalizing sex work, making sure that Healthcare's available to everyone. And right now, the mainstream way of celebrating pride sometimes overlooks the problems that we should be fighting against even within our own community like racism and transphobia in misogyny, right? There's still a lot of stuff that needs fixing. So we ask how what she thinks this movement should look like in fifty years, like, what is the goal? I hope I'm obsolete in the future. But you mean by obsolete. I'm not fighting for future generations to experience the world, the way I am with, you know, my baggage, my insecurities miam- filling being silence raised, and my trauma, and I think that necessitates thinking about the ways in which we define ourselves, maybe by trauma or define ourselves by our struggle, and not by what we hope to see not by what actually brings us power. And I hope that when we come to some conclusions around how we can define ourselves beyond what harm has happened to us, or what trauma has happened to us, then maybe we'll have more of a liberty for future. So we started this episode with this question of what should pride be? You know, is it a protest isn't a party, because those two things feel like they're in opposition of each other? And, you know, RIC hell also talks about how we really need to do more to remember our history. But also, she doesn't want the struggle to be what defines Queen us. So that's also kind of contradictory, which she totally recognizes. Yeah, but if anyone can make all these contradictions work, it's queer people, right? Like this is something we've talked about before, where people are not just our trauma were not just fabulous where both we contain all of those things totally and I actually think pride should be both a celebration and a protest. And they shouldn't exist without each other, like we have to acknowledge how far we've come and take joy in that. But also keep in mind, how much they're still is to fight for. All right. That's the show and Tobin. You know what else it is? It's the end of Nancy season four. That's right. It's a wrap people we put on a story every week since September. And now it is time to take a break. Can we just pause for a second and talk about how many amazing stories we've done, we've done many himmy with some of your favorites? I got to talk to my very favorite singer. Songwriter, her name is Katie, her Zagan spent time with her Nashville, and we like walked around hung out amazing, you lost your damn mind. I threatened to quit if you didn't let me go. What about you? I mean, do you mind listing style? So I love talking to people that money. I love talking to a son trying to give his data kidney, I loved asking queer car, mechanic about all of our dumb car questions. If you're confused right now, you should go listen to all of this episode's. We have such back catalogue now. It's true. And we have so many exciting plans for next season. We're gonna be researching recording interviewing and that's what we're off to do. Make great stories to the members who support this show with donation. Thank you, as always, and make sure to check your inbox because we sent you a special update about our plans, and while we're on break, you can keep up with us through the friends of Nancy Facebook group. If you're not a member now is the time to join we'll be checking in regularly with the group before, you know, it, we'll be back and better than ever. Okay. Our producer Kia gibbon production. Fellow Tammy fact, editors stuff, Joyce sound designer Jeremy bloom, executive producer, polish Schuman. I'm Cathy to I'm Tobin low in Nancy's action of WNYC studios. Ha ha, hee hall.

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How COVID-19 has affected homelessness in Canada

The Current

22:14 min | 4 months ago

How COVID-19 has affected homelessness in Canada

"Flood lines is a podcast series from the Atlantic about Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. It follows the lives of four people who lived through the flooding and its aftermath and shows how government failures and misinformation led to tragedies far beyond what the hurricane cost host van newkirk shows, what we can learn today from that disaster fifteen years ago, you can listen to flood lines wherever you get your podcasts. This is a CBC podcast for many Canadians this as being Thanksgiving weekend like no other, and that is especially true if you live in a region where Kovic is still spreading but for Canadians who live in tents or in shelters or who are otherwise homeless. Cove, has made a difficult situation even worse recall winslow knows all too. Well, what it's like to live on the streets she joins me now from Caitland, British Columbia Raquel Good Morning. How are you doing? Better better than I've been cou. Well, that's great to hear. Take me back to this summer in June of this summer. Where were you living? I was in Port Coquitlam not too far from where I am. And I was Probably out of the main town, I was in the main township and then I was a little bit outcry and I was homeless. Where exactly where you living when you say you were homeless where were you by by a mall area where like a Home Depot and Wal Mart and it'd be Kinda like big shop you could think of. If, you had to describe what that area was. Where that street was the parking lot was, how would you describe it? Pay Me a picture it was it was a highway leading up to it and then attorney often there's like a Boston pizzas quite a busy road when when this the covert hit it was brief strange because everything kind of went like it was like thirty years earlier, it seemed like the cars were. Gone and the buses were empty and but up there was a big big town centre. This was always a lot of people and. It was. It was interesting but it was scary and and crazy. I'd say, how did you end up? With nowhere to live. With this started in two, thousand, fourteen, I met somebody and got into a relationship and the person turned out to be just a tad crazy and quickly I you know was reacting to his crazy making behavior and I ended up using my kids. and. Having No of course, you baby boomers goes your home goes in your you don't have anywhere, but I found a place to live in like a harm reduction. They call it 'cause it was low rents and they basically they were keeping people off the streets and they were able to operate the cost for them went up over the past three years so that Carter and harder to keep but our property got sold, we lived in an to build. Apartments 'cause Poku on becoming a very big center in a lot of people moving in and the building and building building, and all the small houses are being downsized. House was torn down, and that's finding a place to rent had gone up that previous two years and the rents. Basically, you know one whole redwood all I had for months to live on. So it was kind of hard thinking of how I was ever going to get out of that situation. Could you have ever imagined before this happened that you would have ended up homeless No No, I don't think anyone who knew me would take. I think that I mean I my life was around my home Mike Kids Grocery shopping. That was my big day outgoing grocery shopping and I always brought one of my children with me. have identical triplet boys and a younger daughter, ten months younger and older daughter. But one no one would always come with me and have a day with me and. To be homeless and to not know where I'm going to sweep I was terrified. Do. You remember the first night that you were. had a close friend who was with me, which is good and I was in his friends then at the first little bit like the first week or two. So it kind of ease that. Transition a little bit but it quickly that quickly became like very overcrowded in cold and. and. When that person must've city it was I don't know it was this. You're always worried about like 'cause the people call the police 'cause you're sleeping and you want WanNa go somewhere. We feel fairly safe in a parking lot or in a place that's not so open and they of course, would not want people in front of their shops. So their stores and it was you start, you start to feel like you're like less than a person. And know you know they're just doing their job to keep their business going, but it really plays on you and you get lost in you stop focusing on what you need in your life and just try to get through that day. I was going to say what is horrible is going to say, what does it feel like to feel the way you described that less than a person? that's been happy I only recently. When I came in here. I started. Try. Not to say like so who went around saying I'm not even person anymore because it feels like the way the another whole topic for show be the ministry and Child Services but the way they operate is so So. Opposite of what you would think it should be to help children and families be healthy. You do when you children are taking and for me that is who I am. It's it's it's it's part of me. I feel like I can't walk down the street with my children are not free if I even have a home or afford to pay rent where I was born and where I live my whole life, you start to feel like your bird and and and you know every I've I have a mother I have children and you wonder if people know what you carry with you when you walk around and you're never quite feel like you belong it's very, it's horrible. You met a police officer who helped you while you were out on the streets. Tell me a little bit about that. There's several who actually really good but I one day I was, hey, the supermarket inputs equivalent and. Me and my friend. And they were there for some other reason than they Clinton was sending around in the alley and they were talking to us and. He. He could. Do Remember who I am. I said I didn't remember his last name but said Glen said. And he said, you know about the shelter the the just opened in Coquitlam I said, no I don't know about a shelter because it's cold covert and right I just like my mind just wanted to like just be lying find the mental health buildings, which is where you go. To for the call, the Phoenix project and I was just like aesthetic. Call the economy going to get out of this I I broke down in the parking lot is in and has had people who live in the area come up to me and asked me cake and they help and give me clothes or give me money or food, and they save your life when they do something like that. But then the no that I may have a bed. In a room of my own after six years. I mean you really value that when you don't have it if you just can't imagine. Waking Up, and you're you know I made an umbrella with a tarp and movie like it was my little igloo and. It's it's amazing when he does like this might be my answer. 'cause you you pray in. And you send your thoughts to your kids and you've just like something's gotTa. Give Right. It give them where are you living now? I'm in Kuwait Room in on the caused ear see it's A. Shelter, put up two to. Four US. People like myself. Because of the numbers were really rising in the tri cities area and I have my own room it's a hotel that they took the second floor to run this program and it's run by already existing society that out of Surrey at first, it was a little bit like it did I didn't think I was going to get help and. It was kind of you know this is not going to be anything and then you realize everybody's learning and they're all new to the people running it, and it was like you connect with a few people and and they start to have your voice for you. If you can't if you if you're having days where they talked to the higher up staff and it's just started. To, work people are starting to you know trust that maybe there are people here who want to do something more than just give you someone to sleep at night and it is. It's they gave me their word yesterday's Sandra. We're not going let that. Happen you go back on the street we're going help you. We're GONNA help you do this and get sweet you need to. Go. So you can have your life back and I was actually I, feel safe for the first time you know while that's amazing. I mean, in part of this, it's wild because Cova has had all of these awful consequences. But one of the things that's happened in some ways is that it sounds like the response to covert actually helped you in the situation that you were in. It did it's a shame. It took something like Kobe for people to see the that people need home and that we're all the same people. We all have a mother. We all were born from somewhere and we're babies at one time. But for me, it's like it was my chance for to be noticed. Because there's not a lot of services in our country right now, there's really has been. Just a stripping of the basics, and which is a shame, and this is giving a little bit of that back because of that happening right as you mentioned, I mean the numbers of people who are out on the streets arising not just in British Columbia but right across this country knowing what you know, what is it? That could be done to help other folk who find themselves in this situation that you were in I've always found being somebody. who had you know low? Low income and I had was blessed with. Triplets put sixteen years ago and the resources and the help was not there the way it should have I think having outreach workers that don't rely on so much of this policy thing. We have to learn that to see people as humans and stopping help because of blanket treatment by treatment can kill families because the people don't notice the. Individual. To a whole bunch of individuals who what makes Canada Canada. We all together, make this wonderful place we stop the individuals. We all. We can have a lot of them off because I didn't fit into a lot of. Places with me and my four kids and my oldest daughter when she was home, we were different and we needed a lot of different. Rules different treatment because I was not your typical mom with one or two kids, it's about services about getting Canada back to being the place that. Says we're all here in this whether you have money or whether or not. We're the bigger ones will take care of the small on. You know be like a family it's just a bigger family that's I. Think we're losing that in our country the big time if I was to talk to a year or two down the road, where would you wanNA, be. I WANNA be wherever my kids are an they every day I just said to them yesterday because we we hadn't been talking because they had no phone and they were getting to school and I said, you know I've never been away. You've been with me every day because. You. Realize you've saved my life every day because knowing there I have to go back. I have to get back if it doesn't matter how many times I try to go past or through the ministry and how it works in on all the different end the month the thing is the housing getting a home to live in is where what I need now and that was I was. So afraid I'll never find it and with people like yourself and Sandra and this this project I think I'm going to have it. Now I think it will come when we worked together I WANNA be where they are. I. Wanted to just be living unlike and making sure people know when you walk down the street and you see somebody whether they're drinking or above of you think. Begging whatever the during there's somebody's child somebody gave birth to that person and you should treat them. As that. Don't, ever look at them as anything else because we're all just people and we gotta start noticing that because it's just it's too big a consequence. If we don't, you know we get places where it takes virus like this. I start treating each other like human beings that that shouldn't happen play Canada it just shouldn't happen. We're cal I, wish you the best of luck. and. I. Hope You do. Okay. So it's great to talk to you take care of yourself. Can I say hello to Jacob Even Matthew Meghan Zoe you does your kids mom yeah. Doesn't make kids that's fantastic. Thank you so much for doing this for cal. Thanks take care of yourself. By Williams low is somebody who was homeless. Now she has a place. Thanks to the efforts of the Phoenix Society and this morning she was in Coquitlam. British Columbia. I'm speaking to you at a moment of grave crisis. I'm Jeff Turner, and this is recall it's a series about history, not the ancient past but history that still hot to the touch. In this first season, I, explore a revolutionary political movement that brought a modern democracy to the brink. You can find recall how to start a revolution on the CBC listen APP or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven my cars is calling for the police have been running up and down the street and telling us that we need to get out. During. Lamb. By climbing and host for the CBC podcast world on fire. Our latest episode were taking you to the western United States where fires are burning unprecedented rate and we're finding out how it's affecting us here in Canada get world on fire CBC listen or wherever you get your podcast soon. As recall mentioned there are people who are living rough right now in every part of Canada Eric Johnson is street outreach worker in Halifax he's seen a lot more people on the streets since Kobe began we met up with him as he was handing out sleeping supplies including a sleeping bag and a tarp. Almost every week it seems like I'm meeting somebody new I've never seen before and who is probably never been homeless before but we're seeing not only more people but all new. Type of homeless person where it's not people who've been homeless for a long time there's a lot of people who are newly homeless and the main driving factor is there's just no place for them to live. You know a lot of people historically have faced a lot of different barriers to being housed. So that's often you know mental health addiction physical health but the thing that I've noticed is we still have that was way too many people who face bears like that. But it just seems like there's also people who are primarily homeless purely economic factors and just the fact that they cannot afford rent everywhere. You look everywhere I look at least I see a place where. Last year or six months ago there wasn't somebody leaving. But now there's people in every park. There's people on so many different benches on just so many random little looks and crannies all over the city that once you start to look for it, you see homelessness everywhere which I think. You know I've been doing this for about ten years or so and in previous years I've never. Really had to look but now you don't have to look very hard to find people who are homeless in health actually now Eric Johnson is a street outreach worker in Halifax speaking with our producer Mary Katherine McIntosh Dr Andrew Bond has been listening in he's medical director of the Inner City Health Associates in Toronto and has been working to get people off the street and into homes for years Dr Good Morning to you. Good morning it's interesting hearing eric say. Yes. There are more people but there's also a different type of people who are out on the streets people who are newly homeless what do you make of that? The what we know now that there's a number of things that are happening at the same time which is making. situation right across the country incredibly complex one we know that we're feasting increasing affordability crisis and both in terms of housing prices that are rents going up but also the income supports despite the benefits coming through with Serb had been difficult to get the people who are on the streets, and so the ability to to match income to vailable portable places is is certainly a huge challenge that increased through covert We know that now the moratorium on these actions has a across provinces starting to be lifted and that's really putting pressure on on thousands of people right across the country and of course, with Cova. Over the last over seven months really just spreading throughout the community. Also shelter systems across the country that people are often voting with their feet when they're not able to get shelter space that has adequate social distancing or or resourcing to keep them safe for with hygiene supplies and supports that many people are opting when they don't have any other options to go the streets to go to tense and encampments. Trying is much distance as they can themselves. So it's very much a self protective practice. It's happening amidst an economic crisis at the same time to do one's Best Under these deeply complex and difficult circumstances that are terrifying for so many people and you see that across the country of the city that I live in the neighborhood that I live in there are tenting campaigns in in many of the park's because people don't feel safe. Within. The shelter system when this pandemic began, you came up with a plan that has been used across this country just tell us about this. Sure, so at the very beginning we we certainly saw the foreshadows in in eastern European countries, and even some early evidence earn homeless population within China's well that we knew there was gonna be disproportionate risk experience an adverse impact on people who are experiencing homelessness the the plan that we. Work together with population health team and partners to put in place was to. A few pieces. One was that there was adequate social distancing Roy solution that could be available for people knowing that we would not be able to create that largely within the existing shelter system. That's the only way to do. That would be to create standalone isolation facilities for those who are either exposed or those who were found out to have Kobe. Control Book keep them safe and supported during that time. So ensuring they had adequate health and social supports but also ensuring that we have them in the space that doesn't expose other people to ongoing spread as wealth that those who are still in the shelter system. Other species have some more space to be having isolate was absolutely critical and right across the country starting in February and March We were fortunate enough along with. Many values across the country they receive provincial funding and others as well. Federal Large Federal released the funds that were fairly unrestricted to allow us to do this kind of work in development for `isolation but also to really advocate for the need for. Outreach testing and surveillance within the shelters as well. So fine cases as soon as they were were present in the shelter system and then quickly support and move them to the the next most safe place that we possibly could That was very critical relying on the reactive approach to testing where people had to show up or book appointments. For example, wasn't something that was going to be viable at any point four for for most people homelessness just due to the the general. Safety in this social off the people already experienced my life outside of Covid that wasn't going to be viable strategy, and so we need to bring that. into play, and then we needed to make sure that we had a very robust. System. That's never existed before for people trenching homelessness across the country. To ensure that the housing homelessness after was connected as much as possible to the healthcare sector Generally, there's been patchwork -bility of some work innovations across the country to get that kind of connection and coordination between the to sectors but there's unlike long-term care sector. There isn't the mandated you know well resourced support in both the health and social supports for those who were living within the shelter system, and we need to really put in place early to ensure that ask people move from shelter healthcare and back. Out into isolation facilities that we had a system in place that could as much as possible Stewart people through the challenges of moving from one place to another name is one of those challenges were one of the challenges has been making sure that people feel welcome. We've heard stories of of tensions in neighborhoods where homeless people have been moved or were modular housing has gone up how do you do? We only have a minute or so left but how how do you go about addressing that to make sure that people feel welcome Yeah. Absolutely I I think I in any time you move any group of people into a new place you community there's bound to be relationship challenges and sort of relationship building a needs to happen and the order to have that happen well, there needs to be trust respect and confidence in what's happening in that space So certainly, there needs to be transparent regular communication, very strong reflection and feedback from the community to ensure that. They know what's happening, but also invoice any of their concerns and to be able to have that incorporated into plans, and then to really make sure that we have the resources and supports in place in those facilities so that people feel that the they the kind of support people need to stay in a safe place both keep the community and the individual's they're safe. They need to have confidence that that that support system is in place, and so that needs to be articulated very clearly in fairly regularly, and then to have an ongoing relationship building process that we can recognize none of us are going to. Achieve Perfection right out of the gates and that we're GonNa meet actually work together to keep working for people. But we I think everywhere across the country we know that no one wants someone can have have the kind of experience that were cal had and has mentioned earlier that we can work together to actually deliver the kinds of support that need to be in place So as long as we really keep those communication channels opening. Open, and ensure that we're working together and that the that people know that there are the resources going into provide mental health and social supports in primary care. This is vital work doctors to hear what you're doing about A. Thank you. Thanks so much Dr Andrew Bond Medical Director of Inner City Health Associates in Toronto. For more CBC PODCASTS GO TO CBC DOT CA slash podcasts.

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33. Rethinking Gender With Raquel Willis

The Secret Lives of Black Women

49:00 min | 10 months ago

33. Rethinking Gender With Raquel Willis

"Hello dear listeners. It's Gabby done of bad with money. Our world has been totally rough with corona virus pandemic. And right now I really WANNA get personal. All of this going on. I want to explore. What an unexpected global health crisis does to our spending and how we see ourselves when the future feels more and more uncertain batted. Money is back for an all new season. Now listen in stitcher apple podcasts. Wherever you get your podcasts. Hi I'm Linden. I'm hosting the new podcast pandemic economics from stitcher. And the Becker Friedman Institute for Economics the Kobe. Nineteen pandemic is an unprecedented global crisis. We're here to help you navigate this moment. I'll be joined by my co host New York Times reporter. Eduardo Porter will be interviewing top scholars from the University of Chicago on a wide range of topics from global markets. To how this will change the nature of work new episodes every Thursday pandemic economics. Listen on stitcher. I'm at a point where I I really want us to think about a radical shift and our understanding of gender really. Everyone is to knock them forming in in some way and with the history that we have particularly here in the United States being black as inherently gender not conforming so when we try to divide ourselves around. Transit beef aren't really by near experiences. And I think within a generation's time we we will start to have a deeper understanding of that. This is the secret lives of black women. I'm SHARLA and I'm Laurin and today we're talking about LGBTQ politics. I'm really looking forward to talking about this. And I'm excited to talk about this because I feel like as we think about the presidential election and politics like so often when we think of black issues we compartmentalize and just think of blackness as like. Oh it's just it's just this issue but black issues are LGBTQ issues and we have to bring those to the forefront to and our thoughts and our minds is like if our sisters are dying like that should affect you. You should care and be like rallied up to be like who's talking about this and I think a lot of us are talking about it. I think we've had such strides socially in making these issues. Everyone's issues and making them black issues. At least as far as I'm concerned you know if everybody free none of us free so none of us. None of us. So I'm very excited. I think we have absolutely the best person to chat about these issues. We're chatting with Raquel Willis. Raquel is a writer journalist feminist leader and transgender liberation activists. She founded an initiative at the transgender law center called Black Trans circles which creates space for Trans People in the South and Midwest to heal from oppressive traumas and at the time of this interview. Raquel was the executive editor about magazine. She spoke at the inaugural women's March back in two thousand seventeen and her writing has appeared everywhere from essence device. Bitch magazine Buzzfeed and Huffington Post. I am so excited to meet rebel and to get this conversation started. So let's just jump right in. Let's do it. We are here with you. Know Media Racquel Willis. I'll lotion our hands as we just discussed the fear of Ash. Yes no one wants to be ashy and these street literally. Everyone at this table right now is rubbing lotion into their hands. I'm like I had enough that I'm like bring it up my forearms arms because I'm just my body's part just really feels like the blackest thing we've ever done on this show. I love black lady moment of all of us just like going with the low. Yeah itself care itself. Payer Sodas not about motion repel you and then episode is about you. I'm like there's so many things that I want to talk to you about. I like am wondering where to begin. I mean I think we start at the beginning. I mean you are a transgender rights activists your writer and I WanNa know. How did you get started with this? Work it actually is really weird to me to consider that my career right because I think the a lot of times activism has become something that people latch onto for visibility right or latch onto Avalaible for cloud or whatever you can think of right and I think there's there's something that rubs me the wrong way about thinking of my career's activism. I think in my career as a time and nonprofits as a time in media as an editor now at out magazine Executive Editor But it's weird to think of my activism as my career. I don't know I don't know what the line it's like tied to it right because I think that activism is so expansive like I think we get into this idea that it is something so limited it is just being on the streets into a bullhorn. You Know Martin With Stop. And all of that is beautiful and powerful and important and we've seen through history. How those kinds of direct actions have shifted Culture Right Society but activism is so many different things organizing can come in so many different forms my thing. Israeli people need to find what their passion is and Organiz within it right. So if you're a writer. Are you writing about things that can liberate other folks? You know if you are a teacher. Are you teaching things that can liberate other folks right? Are you using your curriculum with these lessons of social justice these lessons around elevating blackness and Brown and Queer and and different types of bodies and disability all of these different things? So you're trans. Yes yet and I mean is it okay by ask about the beginnings of you deciding to go on this journey. Yeah I mean I appreciate this question. I think that Like your gender isn't really the choice right or your identity isn't really the choice. The choice is whether you're gonNA live in it and for me. I mean I grew up in a very traditional southern family and the judge and went to college college enjoyed. I spent the first twenty five years of my life in Georgia. You know and so I really see my suther ness of a strong important part of my identity and I was raised Catholic right so there are so many layers I mean and then you talk about being a young black person born to pretty traditional parents who were middle class. I mean you know I I joke about being you know. The huxtables by some standards. Right my mom was a had a doctrine of an education and and you know advocated adults for thirty or so years. My Dad was a professional as well and later went back to get his masters. Then become a professor as well so I had that kind of background where I had privileges and I also had you know obviously those levels of repression. I mean being black right being a budding queer and Trans Person So it took me a while to get to that point where I was like. Oh No you know. There's something else going on over here. It's not just that you know. I'm a feminine would call me or that. I was gay right even though I knew I was attracted to men. No there was something fundamentally different about my experience in gender and when I got to college and found the language and found other people Who had similar experiences. It was on like it was time for me to like figure out where I fit on the gender spectrum figure out of I could even see a future right because there were a lot of decisions I had to make You know when I was in college and trying to come into my identity because I also did not have visions of a trans person who had a professional life right or who had a family and who was loving right had a partner and had these healthy experiences. We just. We're not seeing that. Yeah what age did you start expressing your gender identity? So it's funny you ask that because I felt like I was unintentionally expressing my foods ender throughout my entire life right like I think we get so hung up on what people wear. If someone's face is down which you know of course. It's so much more than that. I felt like mind. Gender was so tired and how I was expressing myself And that's why people would call me a feminine or call me slurs and I just can never hide it right like you know we hear about these folks who are like yeah I was. I was pushing it up and and really deepen than closet like no people knew something was going on with me. We didn't quite know what was different about My experience and I didn't know but I I felt like I was always kind of living my gender even when I wasn't trying to And I will say when I got to college. That's when I got the education around. What are the options medically right? What are things that I actually want to do for myself? physically right whether it be you know a hormonal journey or surgical journey. Yea I I. It's been beautiful to kind of witness Our expansion and understanding on gender and and our sexual identity. When you question asks one in a minute I wondering when you enter your career in journalism because I'm reading about you so that your father staff really was a catalyst for your transition but also your career and were you thinking of you know you mentioned earlier which is so powerful for me of like how you didn't imagine a possibility of like some like in the world and that impact like a not only my going to be journalists as I'm dealing with this transition but I'm going to cover issues that spread awareness about my experience so other people are informed and no. Yeah I mean I was committed. You know I came in to college experience knowing that I wanted to deepen my understanding of of storytelling and use the media Asa Tool to make things a little bit better for people who are like me who grew up isolated grow up in New York or Atlanta for that matter. I grew up in Augusta Georgia and and although there are a solid amount of folks they are. I mean that's the has the second largest population in the state there. It's still felt like a smaller southern experience so I didn't know other algae Q. Folks for the most part there are a few obviously like teachers that people speculated about but they were never going to say anything because they might lose their jobs and so when I graduated from college I did not find any job prospects in New York. I tried and I found myself working in a very small newspaper in an even smaller town in Georgia called Monroe Georgia and I was in the cloth You know so all that first job I was in the closet about being queer about being trans And you know I maybe. People had assumptions or whatever they never brought sumptious to me. My understanding was like no one really knew partly because you know there are so many ways in which you have to comport your salve to be at that point what we're calling being passable right so that people wouldn't try and clock you're Trans Ness But then also I just felt like people. There is a certain level of ignorance. That was blissful right even for me like people weren't as verse and Trans Identity and Trans folks and so it was a little bit easier to navigate in some regards but it was hurting me on the inside. It right as deeply as I wanted to. About Social Justice Issues. I even had an editor who he was my boss who you know would basically try and steer me to write less liberal right or less progressive and that hurt you know it was hard. I couldn't really be my full south in that meant that I was only telling part of my story but I could only tell parts of the stories that I was interested in as well. What help push you through that moment to live in the fullness of your truth both journalistically and personally a few things so a personal moment I was asked to cover the first drag show that they had in that county and I actually. I mean I knew the whole community like in that kind of I Guess Tri County Radius. And I really had to pretend like I didn't really know what was going on. Draft show asking. I'm like drag was fabulous and so I had to do that. And so I'm like interviewing these folks that I totally know girl because I mean you like. They didn't know that I had to do that. And and anyway I mean I think even when I was my career being fresh out of journalism school this whole idea of objectivity right and not inserting yourself into the story. That was a mask for me to not really be my full south and so still. That was one experience right. The kind of you know bringing off fraudulent And then I would say the large are calling came from what was happening in the movement. You know this was a time you know. When the murder of people like Trayvon Martin were happening? Mike Brown People were shutting down highways Atlanta and other places. This is very recent RECCO. It's yes it's still pretty recent right. It felt like a lifetime ago. I think to some people but particularly for black folks like that was yesterday You know just yesterday and so that was That was what I was was witnessing but again I mean also wasn't just yesterday because this was what twenty thirteen two thousand fourteen so even now I mean thinking about it I was what like six years ago Six or so years ago so I mean I I was seeing that and I was like how in the World Am. I wasting my energy trying to fit into another grabs for these people to keep my job and survive. It's bigger than that. It's bigger than me and the semblance of survival and so what also happened was I am at this point. I had I was a few months in a new job in Atlanta as a media publisher for A website called. How stuff works again. Not Related to any of the liberation work that I was really interested in. But it kept me afloat And I also Read about the death of Leila alcorn. Who was a young trans girl who died by suicide And this was two thousand fourteen and so she. It was interesting because with her case she had written suicide note and she had Scheduled to be published on Tumbler pads after her. Death happened and so it was so interesting. Because you know I think there a report reports about it and then the note came out right and so everyone could read what she had written and she basically said how she couldn't see a future for herself after Trans Person and so. I did a video on Youtube when I ran and I was like ugly crying about what had happened to Leela what was happening period because there was the death of. Alon nettles had happened about a year before that another while. She's a Black Trans woman. Who was murdered and so all of that was happening and I was like. I have to be present and fully in this moment so I don't look back years from now wondering why I wasn't using my energy for what I knew to be right. This is so powerful. We have to take a break but when we come back. I really want to ask you because your transition to living your expressing yourself fully has been so recent. I Really WanNa know what it's been like for you since so we'll talk about that more when we come back you know sexual assault and sexual abuse are constantly discussed in the news media. But we're taking a moment acknowledged survivors. Who are sometimes overlooked in the public dialogue. Those who experienced sexual abuse as children. The Unique Foundation is a nonprofit organization. Whose mission is to inspire hope and healing in women who were sexually abused as children or adolescents. They offer a variety of free resources to survivors including an educational retreat online articles and survivor led support groups around the world. If you're a survivor of child sexual abuse the unique foundation wants you to know you are not alone. Hope in healing are possible. One in four women in the United States is a survivor of child. Sexual Abuse. Chances are someone you love. Is there survivor? Who needs your support? The unique foundation is not asking for your money or resources. This sexual assault awareness month. They want to offer support. If you or someone you know is an adult survivor child. Sexual Abuse Tech secret lies three one nine nine six to receive free online resources. If you're using the resources for yourself know that you are deserving of healing if you're texting on behalf of someone you love. Thank you for doing your part in supporting survivors. How would my or your life be fundamentally different? If you knew you were going to live forever. How far would you go for your dog? Do you have any advice for people to feel better about being alone in public? I'm Angela Duckworth but I'm Steven Dubner. I'm a psychologist at Penn. And I run an educational nonprofit called character lab. You also wrote the Book Grit. Yes and I am a writer and host a podcast called freakonomics radio and you wrote the book freakonomics. Among quite a few others did and unite became friends. We did and we discovered that both of us really like to ask each other questions. And there's only one rule the rule is there are no stupid questions. I think it's incredibly hard to predict success. Do you agree. I want to know whether you are a maximize her or satisfy sir in. Why what is your biggest regret as a parent? No stupid questions. Premiers may eighteenth subscribe. Now Apple podcasts. Wherever you listen and you can listen to the show ad free by subscribing distance your premium and we're back so raquel. Yeah so can you tell us more about what this experience of expressing yourself fully since it's so recent? What's that been like for you? Yeah I mean you know. It doesn't feel recent some me itself. Funny I talk about this with my Momma La were very close and you know and sometimes loads us. There have been a few moments of silence particularly recently where you know we were just like hanging out and stuff and I'm like you know what's weird. And then one time she she finished. The bottom was like yeah. Your life of. It's wild that you've done so much right since college writings and since even coming out our family and everything like there was never an assumption on my end the I'll be able to have the career that I have particularly in writing and a media but also to be able to accomplish the things around organizing and building with the the communities that I'm a part of their I just did not even think that far ahead because everything was just one moment one second at a time. But you're right. I mean I think in some ways it is recited right like I. I'm not thirty yet so I'm not rubbing not in anyone's face because I'm in my thousands retiring tiny in its accomplish as a moment right but I'm thankful and grateful for what I've been able to accomplish. And the people that I've met met some of my best friends and movement and our relationships of transcended the Movement Space. I because I didn't know any other Black Trans Woman Really before I left college so that scene Georgia that drag scene was white for the most part. Yeah or if there were black folks. They weren't trans. They relax this man for the most part Maybe gender fluid people weren't really using terms like non binary out imagine you know. There are a lot more performers who may be identify more on gender spectrum but yeah I mean I knew a lot of Trans Masculine folks. Many of them were white. Trans Masculine folks. But I didn't really know any other Black Trans Women. What was it like to come into community with like other black? Trans woman was an automatic. Feeling of like I don't need to explain myself. I feel understood. No I mean in some ways. Yeah to Black Trans. The will have completely different experiences around gender but it really was particularly when I met my friend. Tony Michelle Williams In Atlanta Georgia. Who really deepened a lot of my analysis on a Lotta things particularly like sex work and Incarceration it was really being confronted with my privileges. But Yeah I'm a woman by hours able to go to college I have been able to you know have access to a job pretty consistently since college I had a family who I was able to get to a point where you know they understood my identity and and we're in a you know we've been in a sweet spot where those questions aren't there. Isn't there anymore. You know so to have even that support and then to come from a middle class background and then of course a two parent household like all of these different things our privileges even as a Black Trans Woman I have those and it's on me to always hold the duality of my experience. And that's what everyone needs to be able to do. What is it that we still get wrong as a society about this movement or about this community? A lot of Duff neethling gotten better in some regards bright yeah. It's great people have more language than ever before to work with. But that doesn't mean that that has translated into fundamental chefs right and I am for a long time for me and I think for a lot of people. There was this desire to kind of hold people's hands and just the SABs the scraps of affirmation that people would give us. You know but I'm at a point where I really want us to think about a radical shift in our understanding of gender so when we talk about being trans we talk about transpeople as of we are the only ones that whole gender identities people have gender identity right. I mean just like white people have a race. You know. People have gender identities as well and so they also fall on the spectrum so not every woman is the same do you think about the ways that being a racialist woman impacts how your gender scene and respected him and validated or not validated. We have to talk about that and particularly for black folks. It is important for us. Understand that in this context and with the history that we have particularly here in the United States being black is inherently gender non conforming interest is so being. A black woman is a very different experience than being a white woman. Yeah and there is a layer of gender and access that we will never be able to to live in because we aren't white women and so when we try to divide ourselves around Trans and says these aren't really by near experiences and I think within a generation's time we we will start to have a deeper understanding of that That it's really not just argue trans or are you says and I think that that's where we kind of get this conversation wrong. I think also I want us to talk Abou Masculinity they need to figure out what healthy masculinity looks like because as much as we get dog as black women or I get dog as a Black Trans woman. These men and masculine folks dog in themselves and they don't even know it. They don't even know that they are. They have put themselves in these boxes where they can even have a full range of human emotion and empathy. So that's what I also WANNA see mass folks Coming and to a healthier and we don't have to demonize masculinity writ large for that to happen okay and then the last thing you keep talking when a going back to this idea of a radical shift around how we think about gender it goes beyond you know pronouns conversation You know I think everyone is like okay. Well what we can do as we can respect pronouns and if you can get that down then you're radical you've got no late. That's that's really it? Really? The floor is basement. No I mean I think we think about radically Shifting our thoughts on gender. What does it mean to bring children into a world and not put our expectations on them around gender from conception to them you know becoming their own adult right? What does that look like? You know it looks like us. Having more flexibility in our households you know where children can play and and experience things that interest them rather than US throwing. You know are masculine standards. That kids we WANNA call a boys or are feminine standards that kids. We want to call girls right. Everyone is really. Everyone has done to non-conforming in some way. And so if we can expand that we can stop putting these restrictions on folks save your money with these. Gender Ville flight then. We will really shift these things. I think we'll see more people because you just saying that about kids was sort of like a light going off in my head of. I feel like so much of my work. As an adult is like undoing. All people told me about myself and the negative attributes. And it's like the first box people put you in is gendered and it's just like well that's not little girls. Don't do that little girls. Don't play outside and then you're one of the first things you're told about yourself. How you WanNa live is wrong. Even if it's something as simple as like I want to play in the dirt like your natural instincts are being told that you're wrong and I think once we get to the place where we just allow kids and people to be will raise much healthier people because they'll love themselves and won't be told that everything about their natural instincts wrong like we've been talking a lot personally recently about like learning to trust our own intuition and how you have to like whole mets skill when all of your natural instincts for so long. We've been trying to fit in these boxes in these modes to be in society and be perfect black women or whatever ideas are playing it in your head a kid and how that's the shit that fucks you up and the near like I need to figure out in my thirties. Who the fuck I am Outside of all this baggage how powerful it would be if he just let people be but the other thing about just letting people be like look at how dangerous it is when you don't you know like when people feel like they have to hide when people feel like they can't be themselves like they won't be accepted like it's so it's such a tragedy. Every time I hear about something like this but I feel like a lot of that comes from the fear that families have when they see their little girl playing in the dirt. Will she like they immediately? Start to project what this might mean for their kid in that. Kid's life and I feel like we should all remember that those fears lead to either violence or tragedy. You know it makes unsafe world. It makes me like very sad. Yeah absolutely I mean I think the fear aspect is it is. It's a huge part of it and a lot of the ways that we are police or police other because we all do it we do in some way is a lot of it has to deal with our own trauma and our own. Need for self-preservation right and so when I think about parents. I think about like my dad. You know when I when I thought I was. You know my identity was gay. You know there were times when I would be able to break the veneer of like what was really his issue with my identity right. What was he really so worried about? And I think at the end of the day it was less about me right I. I think they can get past this idea of of a reductive idea around. Oh you can't have kids. We know folks can adopt you know like. Oh you're going to hell. Well you know if I am. That's my like those things are fine. Whatever but it was about him being fearful in a lot of ways for my life you know what I mean. You are already black right at that point you know. He thought I was a boy right. And so what does it mean say even be a black masculine presence in the context of United States and the south right and a medium sized town. And so then you're also queer. What path do you have? Who isn't going to want to target you and so you know as I've gotten older and I can understand that nuance I get it right. Like that's fear but then what what it also means is that there was also a fair. I think for him around what it meant for him so then have a queer child. What does that mean about his man and has capability or culpability and producing the clearness. I WanNa talk a little bit about your work as executive editor at out magazine because out magazine is just a legendary literary institution in your work. Do you feel like a pressure. An urgency especially now and this moment to like just get as many things out as possible to make people aware of the real issues that people are facing lake. I think I'm thinking about the election coming up and how the murder of Black Trans woman is a national issue. And no one's talking about it is they're pressuring your function as an editor in chief of being like. How do we put like fire under these candidates and get people this national conversation you know? I don't know of. It fills particularly urgent now. You know when I think about it. The deaths that have been happening in our community. There's a sense of urgency for for me and all of the people that I know for a long time I think about when I wrote a cover story on Sylvia Rivera for our pride as she back last June and it was the fiftieth anniversary since the stonewall riots and I did a lot of research for that cover story and learn so much more about Soviet than I actually knew right I think in some ways people like Sylvia Rivera and Marsha p Johnson Trans folks of color from yesteryear who have been lionised and their deaths right and recent years of them. We don't even actually know what they stand for is almost like mlk. Right Martin. Luther King Junior Lake and I mean Sylvia was organizing around the death of a Black Trans woman named Amanda Milan in two thousand and she was calling out Large LGBTQ nonprofits like the Human Rights Campaign for not Rallying behind justice for her death. She was calling out the LGBTQ center here in New York For not prioritizing the lives of Trans Women of Color and Trans folks. So it's been urgent for a long time and when I think specifically about my work I'm one of those people that you know. I deal with some intense imposter syndrome like pretty much everyone else. I now particularly the black woman I know and for me. I'm like girl to do what I need to do before the door gets locked before I get pushed out and the doors locked. You know we don't often have the grace of just waiting and sitting and waiting for someone to do their duck duck goose and give our chance you know to go. No when I get into a place I'll you know. Assess the landscape but at a certain point you just have to go right and the most that a person can say as now the most of the institution can say is no and then you at least know where you stand there and you can assess whether you can get what you need to get done there or not. Even when I worked at my second job how stuff works. I- pits the idea of a podcast on social justice On you know what was happening and the Movement for Black Lives Algebra secure issues. They wouldn't give me a podcast because they said that Well we already have a feminism. Podcasts THERE WAS. You know two white women who were you know? Very sweet and gracious to me very knowledgeable if very different but very different. They couldn't even see me outside of that space right and they couldn't see me as a host of my own show and and respect me and what I actually want to do so I realized that worth. I'm going to be able to do what I needed to do. To elevate stories I wanted to and then I want transgender law center and I had a great experience. You know amazing relationships and connections there and and got to point where I had to have a conversation about how our programming wasn't really touching black. Trans Women directly right after. I had that conversation. Luckily I. It was received well and and I presented a proposal in design a program on my own for the first time in my life. They received it well and then so. I built out a program called Black Trans circles which focuses on the survival of Black Trans woman and the south amid west from a hill injustice lands And that program lives on even though I'm not you know at the organization anymore and so that was there and when I came out it was the same thing and so luckily when I got out you know there was already space to push for a deeper. I think version of clearness entrance. Notice your under thirty. You've accomplished so much yet. You still mention you have imposter syndrome. And I'm wondering how you combat that to keep accomplishing all the things that you've done. A lot of. It is reminding myself that I'm under thirty but I think even that right like I think we need to shove the conversation on that because there will be a point where I can't use that as like my calming mechanism and it's not fair to the brilliant Black Women and other folks. I know who you know didn't really gets to do the things that they wanted to do. Until after you know it happens at so many different points in our lives and so we've got to get out of that age just kind of calming discussion for folks But it's it's talking to my mom you know talking to my sister and my good. Judy's my best friends you know. Most of whom are other Black Trans Women and Black Trans folks about what I'm going through and I'm I'm got so point where I'm a little less guarded about the hard things that I go through because for a long time I just would not speak to those things. I thought I had to to be the least massive version of myself but honestly the best things come out of you know my method. We like to end every episode by asking our guest. What is your secret? My secret is that you know myself care is love myself. Care isn't tangible things. It's not even though I love my plants too so I mean the feds in there too but it's the people that I surround myself with. My inner circle is myself. Care Right and they're okay with that and so when I talk about my sisters being myself care my best friends and US chatting Revitalizes me to go out and fight another fight and you know letting the people that I love. Put me in check right me. Putting them in check and kind of holding each each other together And so we don't have those circles. I think you know it's about acknowledging that Yes love is. Labor is not easy. We like to think of this. Just go and warm. But it's the hard moment sue if the cold moments it's the Awkward Silences. It's the ups me off. Not GonNa talk for we. 'cause I need to calm down if you can really see that as your your Revitalizing source I think. You've gotta May and so. My Love is labor. Thank you so much for joining us. This has just been well love Labor. Yeah I'M GONNA put that on posted on my fridge. Thank you so much for lifting up you know black women and I have to go all right. We just finished our interview with Racquel Willis and I mean I have so many note so many just words. Yeah feeling so informed that inspired. And just this is another instance of wishing that you guys could see the interviews because like Raquel Glue all right. I feel like we're doing a disservice by being like. Oh my God. You guys can't see how awesome these people and it's like post. Pick Mu puzzle but this should be a visual. Podcast should be a TV show now. Just a true. Ara An one of the things that she said. I'm just GONNA go. Yeah right into the word of the week is she said. Love is Labor circled Laura. I circled that leg. Will you that when she said that? My mind just was like I shea and exploding yeah. Love is labor and I think they did. It applies to so much not just like our interpersonal relationships but also like what we want like to me one of the most inspiring things about how she's just super living her dreams and her truth to the fullest extent and capacity. And it's just like also recognizing that that is a journey that has not been easy and that's like Labor to I'm in those one of those moments right now where I'm just kind of like leading everything wash over. You know when you have to sit with something for a second because love Labor absolutely haven't circled and then she also said something that hit me hard. She said being black is inherently gender non conforming. I was like okay. All right you want to say a word Raquel okay. It's one of those moments where I was just like man. She's really laying on a lot of revelations that wow okay. They never looked at it so true. It's so true like literally when she said that I thought of Michelle Obama being compared to a horse while she compared to know that was Serena Williams and then compared to grow or whatever and I was just like yeah. There is this inherent aspect to blackness. That makes it. I guess that makes you. I guess abnormal or something in the eyes of Whiteness. I mean yeah a lot of things to sit with but you know love is labor is like one of the things that I think. I'll carry with me for a very long time. Also she. I mean this is another episode. Just like there's so many things. Lovers Labor is definitely my word of the week but she also said myself care is love. Yes and it's like not facemask. It's not this. It's low yeah I mean I'm just I'm I'm truly just so full from episode and then just I can't wait to get home and I always like I write stuff on posted and I will either like put it on my mirror on my fridge so that. Yeah if it's like a message something that I'm looking at as like a mantra. Something to remind me through the day Mike Love is Labor is going on the bathroom mirror absolutely. I definitely feel like this episode has. It's it's been a meditation on love and love of Sal love of cell of of community. You like absolutely in all of its forms love and all of its forms. Because like I really feel like this interview with Raquel. Really embodies that the becoming yourself and people accepting you and loving you in the relationship. She has with her mother in the relationship in their community. And the place that she's from. All of those things are a part of her narrative and a part of her love story. You know so I'm just like I really feel like this is one of those episodes. That's GonNa make meditate on my love story from myself. Oh my life saying you know and I'm just like we hope that you guys listen. Just sit back to just go home and meditate on. What did you you said it. So I'll store your story. You know 'cause I I really feel like Rico's unlucky one right like not all of us get that acceptance in that love of self of community but from family from family but I I do feel like it's worth it to seek it at least in ourselves because that is what we have control over. You know how we see ourselves how we speak to ourselves how we consider ourselves. You know that self-care is love is a really important one and we talk about it on this show a lot because as black women. I feel like we're always number one. You know we internalize the hatred of the outside and we turned into against ourselves. And it's like I feel like especially me in my life. I don't have room for that anymore like truly I don't have the mental energy to hate myself and our anymore. I don't I just don't have the energy so this is it. So let's do a meditation on our love story or loving ourselves on loving the people in our lives on Seeing them fully as themselves so that they can beat themselves. Because what's the point? If you can't be yourself you know. Yeah I have nothing else to say. That was a word. Let's do that and I didn't even give a word of the week. Got Away with it. several words. Thank you guys for listening as usual as always meditate on your love story and we will see you next week by the secret lives of black women. Production of stitcher. Where your host Shiloh liars and lauren domino our producers Taylor asking our senior producer. Is Stephanie Carew? Yu-gi-oh our editor is John Palmer. Special thanks to our chief content officer Chris Bannon and our recording and mixing engineer. Andy Kirsten's make sure to follow us on instagram and twitter at the SOB W later.

United States Raquel Glue Georgia writer Racquel Willis Atlanta editor Culture Right Society New York Black Trans Women executive editor Trans Identity murder Trayvon Martin Unique Foundation New York Times Buzzfeed University of Chicago Mike Love
heyy 2021  your north star + powerful reflection exercise.

Your Own Magic

25:45 min | Last month

heyy 2021 your north star + powerful reflection exercise.

"Hilo not mind and happy new year happy blessed expensive. Twenty twenty one. We made it. We made it. I do we would. And we would reflect back a lot last month. And i realized that i spent last year i reflect back a lot on the past year and i'm so grateful for that time otherwise if we didn't have that need to sit and ground an inker i would still be continuing to travel the world but i needed a moment a long moment near year long to ruili the ground plying around all over the place all the time made it hard for me to settle and see a greater picture within and i'm so thankful so thankful that twenty twenty gave us the opportunity to sit home with ourselves and i'm somebody that has always been diving within myself but this just gave me another level of an experience that i my soul needed contained. It really wanted from me. So i can see more clearly this beauty with an me and pursue my north star in another light and seeing where clearly when it comes to my soul's northstar and my my humans desires that were being ignored so the reason why i'm just poking in for a brief moment is not about not about everything been reflecting on i could do an entire five hour episode or more on that but this short little many random very random episode. I just felt like. I had this huge nudge to share in fact actually felt the yesterday yet. I just never picked up the microphone to record it. But i want to share this for the very first day the sunday of the very first full week of the new year especially as the excitement of the new year the honeymoon phase which lasts you know honestly lasts a month or so but i want to build to put this out there as you know. Were really feeling this excitement for the new year. This fresh start unless you are somebody who just sees this day. As another day you know another day with unspecified value just very arbitrary like whatever i understand that had those as well but then never felt they never fell magical and also use the collective energy. Who's feeling this magic moment as well. I mean there is so much power when everybody is collectively experiencing something to utilize that energy. I feel excited about experiencing the magic. That a lot of others are feeling when it comes to the blank slate of twenty twenty one and something that has really hit me as many of us are of course making plans writing our plans or intentions or resolutions. Our desires were creating our vision boards and when manifesting whatever it is we envision for twenty twenty one and some also might still be contemplating. Haven't really picked up a pen or wrote very little. Because you know there's still a lot of opaqueness or cloudiness in the mind and heart when it comes to what you want to accomplish this year and guess what that's totally fine too. I know that there's a lot of pressure. It feels like especially there are people that find it hard to see because they might have a lot of other inner turmoil that's going on or they just simply don't have that motivation right now for whatever personal reason and that's okay and if that's you that's okay too. I think that this episode might help no matter where you're no matter if you have your full vision board or you have no idea what you want or if you think that this day is very arbitrary like whatever i still think regardless this is something for you to meditate on for a bit and it might help. Give you some clarity and came through to me. When i was contemplating a lot about the shadows that i've faced through twenty twenty and i know we all have and i'm not gonna lie. I'm very thankful for twenty twenty. And i'm actually proud of myself for seeing clearly. My blind spots. I was subconsciously. Ignoring my north star. And when i say star. I mean your souls purpose your dharma your overall theme that brings you so much excitement and understanding in navigating the life and i was subconsciously holding myself back because i was seeking comfort in certain ways. And it's a personal shadow that now that i see i'm able to day by day by bit and be patient with it release. It's part of my personal goal. This year of experiencing the most of this year. So i may follow the pursuit of my north star and becoming aware of this has made me see where i've played small or even victimized myself subconsciously due to certain labels and rhetoric of my mind. I know that i'm not alone in this experience. No matter how far you feel on your spiritual journey were still human and these com plex creatures. That are perfectly imperfect and so whatever we don't see it's really not anything to be upset about when you finally do see but only compassionate about because you really are always doing the best you can from where you're at and with the tools you know i know that because of this and the many wild pal i walked and the way my heart just sort of innately is organically is my open mindedness to see and step into a variety of perspectives. A lot of spiritualists are attracted to spirituality because of its open mindedness yet sometimes even in the spiritual community people can get so entangled and a collective vision that spiritualists have that sometimes one might forget. How the importance of integrating into this human experience. I think that this has been an overall theme that i've talked about for the past however many months but ultimately we find this as we do of course immerse into whatever is that is exciting us. It's a certain lane and the spiritual life for perspective or maybe it's a certain lane in the human perspective but you're integrating spiritual knowledge just to bring humans back to that center because it's so easy to get lost in who you are when the matrix is around you but also it's really easy to penalize or bring a negative narrative to the matrix when so important to also meet with compassion. And that's part of my personal. Nar star is to integrate in a more grounded anchored away and have compassion for where everyone's at in the process. Even if i don't agree. That also means want. I don't agree to have compassion and also respect for myself to voice. If i feel i need to. There's a lot of times where i just zip my mouth. Keep my mouth shut. Swallow my words just because they don't want to be confrontational. That's something that my human self really doesn't love but honestly that compassion as well fueled a fire a fire that i needed and twenty twenty really helped me see this and i'm really excited for whatever that brings in twenty twenty one so i'm curious what you feel like triggered you most and twenty twenty and whatever it was that triggered you. Where did you also continue to stay rooted in yourself. No matter the chaos in the world. So perhaps that's just an innate gift within you. I always knew this but i really was able to see it this year. In twenty twenty. I've been very. I would say more in my water sound where flow e self so. I wanna think twenty twenty four igniting fire within me. It's exciting to see where this passion and pursuit leaves so having clarity on my north star or my soul's mission at this time the thing is is that i don't want to place this north star any frame of your forever life as we really are always evolving and i think that it will be when we die. We'll be able to see what that northstar really was. But we're walking towards it in one way shape or form and so in order for one to accomplish everything that they see on their manifestation board for the year or they wrote down in the journal or they've kept in their heart or in their visions their imagination or they are still navigating are trying to make sense of in the maze of their hazy. Mind i encourage you to move forward but in small mindful steps to prevent getting discouraged and completely dropping what it is you want to experience so perhaps right down your overall northstar or mission for the year and make small steps every day to work towards in january. I'm actually going to be doing a lot of quiet. Sacred study but simultaneously taking a little more action than i'm comfortable with than that's one of the reasons why i'm randomly releasing this episode. That is not on monday because it's Action that i felt would help move towards this. What i like to call the northstar. Call it whatever you would like. The this north star might be a little different than the mind is conceptualizing right now. It is at all so in this moment i would love to help you see this north star more clearly by asking you a series of questions and encourage you to work backwards and when i say backwards you'll see what i mean. I mean all the way back into this moment. So i'm going to ask a series of questions and perhaps if he can pause this each question and contemplated in your mind i actually encourage you to verbally. Say it out loud and if you really want to write it down but you'll be reading something else down at the end of it. However this is a mind journal verbal journal exercise reflection moment. And if you're driving pause this episode and listen to last week's episode or another episode or podcast of your choosing if you feel like it but make sure to come back to this and you can keep your eyes open or closed them for a moment to tune into yourself. Soul and allow the noise of the world the surrounding world to dissipate a bit. Or if your eyes are open maybe there's one spot for you to look at for a bed just during this time and take a deep breath and and now july yourself to growl and feel anchored into the earth and again we'll be working backwards for a moment in may seem like a dark question at first but it's very very much for the purpose of making you feel more alive so your soul body has left your physical body you know you're experiencing death and the universe is having me reflect on this human experience you've just experienced and you're looking back in shows you the light moment. The dark moments the triumphs in the regrets. If that happened today let would you regret not doing what would you regret. not saying. What would you regret. Not be feel free to pause and reflect a moment in your heart and mine or verbalize it out loud which i recommend and also be super hones- some of you might think i wouldn't regret anything. Well that's okay. But what if the answer isn't going to best serve hugh and this reflection exercise. So i suggest reflecting a little more deeply. There may be a little something in there. A little whisper all right next question. What did you do in this life that you're grateful for feel free to pause and reflect now. What about this human. This humans heart. What are you most grateful for pause and reflect. Now this was only a near death experience. So you're able to come back in karnataka. In the human form what now would you do differently. Pause and reflect good. I hope that this exercise me of giving you more clarity on your north star or at least your north star given your evolution or where you sit where your lenses in this life right now perhaps it just gave you a northstar vision for the year. Hopefully give more clarity. Especially if you felt like you were living in a mazy hazy mindset and perhaps if you do still feel cloudy i encourage you to listen to this again. Maybe that will clear the musty orders a bit and if you also wrote a lot of things down your dreams and visions or you created that vision board. Maybe there's a way whatever came through to you. You can also integrate that with whatever else you have been dreaming of four experiencing twenty twenty one all right ladies and gents into skin care and make up. Well if you're like any prefer higher quality cosmetics that are also clean and vegan and cruelty free toxic. Free skin conscious. Yada yada very in alignment with. I prefer it when it comes to my products. Well keep listening. Because i am absolutely amazed by this company thrived. Cosmetics of actually had my eye on thrive for quite some time. Now so it's exciting to have them sponsor this episode of your own magic especially since for every product you buy. They donate to help another woman in need the right as they've partnered with the national breast cancer foundation foundation for women warriors and a few other nonprofits. And i know that you're listening to this episode. So you can't see the spelling in front of you. So i'm just going to spell it out for thrived than cosmetics c. a u. s. e. Medics that's right cosmetics. Like i said previously they help women in media the ride and also they're certified so you know they're doing something for the animals as well and i definitely stand a company that doesn't test on animals less they're also a good cause for skin. As thrive products are formulated without parabens and phthalates. And good thing. The holidays are coming up. Because they're offering holiday sets and in fact some of the holidays sense include a free tube of thrive cosmetics bestselling liquid lash extensions mascara the award winning mascara which is flake. Free smudge free and clump free and it's so popular that one is sold every five seconds and i just apply their liquid lash extensions must-carry to my eyes. I genuinely do get the hype. Actually i really do. I love the brush as it makes it easier to separate lashes. Because i really liked that full. Look the also love the bhaskar in general. So some of you may know that i have had Mania since i was fifteen of course have had an episode in a while but trigger. Tone mania is a hair pulling disorder where one feels a tick somewhere for me. It would be my eyelashes so i would actually unconsciously be pulling out my eyelashes and it took a lot of time and in our work to finally bring awareness to whenever i feel triggered but one of the biggest triggers for the tick are certain mascarenhas. Perhaps it's the chemicals or ingredients. And so i know that this is very clean product because the tick is not triggered and so i always have to have anything around. My eyes has to be very clean. There are many chemicals that i do not want near my is also very very thankful for thrive in. That was one of the big reasons why i felt really compelled to share this. I'm also wearing their i- breitner on my waterline. Which is also another sensitive area. In the i can wear it. I love highlighter i love. I bright. Mary's especially to make your eyes pop your brow. Pop makes me so happy. And i'm wearing their liquid bomb. Lift the treatment which is an intensive lip treatment that replenishes moisture with a protective veil of skin nourishing vitamins and juicy hydration. And as far as skin care. I'm trying out there. Bright balance. three in one cleanser no complaints on my end whatsoever so far so indeed check out. The holiday sets that they're offering this month along with the ala carte. Options of course and start thriving and help women in need today by going to thrive cosmetics dot com slash magic for fifteen percent off your first purchase. That's thrive ca u. s. e. medics dot com slash magic for fifteen percent off. And of course this is in the show notes that again that's thrived cosmetics dot com slash magic. I'm sure many of you already have these visions. But i had to incorporate this northstar i saw with myself with these visions and it's actually brought more of a sensical route as well so i can see month by month. Step-by-step shadow released shadow release. What exactly will help me get there. As long as i also continue with endurance and patience endurance his one of the four themes. I actually have for the year to stay the course no matter while obstacles common my way and so i've written down this north star so i can look at it at least every month from time to time just to remember and i think that as long as we always remember what the overall northstar is and we continue to remind our minded our subconscious mind by writing it down maybe place in on our mere or making a mental note to look at it every single month. I actually you know. I'm gonna move mine. I'm gonna rip it out and place it on my mir or somewhere where i can see every day just to remember because it's easy for it to slip our minds though in all honesty we're getting married and were navigating the way no matter. What but if we create these visions for future with the knowing of our north star. And how we see this alive and how we wanna live this life. Then we get to write about and script our future in a way that aligns with the organic beautiful nature of our human. This human we are the sole we are and do in a practical yet. Also of course magical mystical way so if you want to release in then feel free to listen to this. Whenever you feel the nudge to remember your star. I didn't wanna make it overly dramatic. I could have taken you into a deep meditation and done something like this which i might do and post on the euro magic website which there will be some changes so that way anybody can experience the meditations anytime. I do have a free meditation on my youtube that i posted a long time ago and i still to this day. Receive messages from people saying that. It's helped them in some way. It was just a five minute morning meditation. I actually don't even remember what was said. But you know it's out there for you if you're interested it's just on raquel mantra youtube channel which i have only one video from three years ago. But it's a meditation so feel free anyway. I hope that this helped you in some way and remember you're a freaking miracle and it's even a miracle that you're even in this human suit and having this magical life experience in this human suit so make the most of it and take advantage of listening to whatever your north star is to make the most of this year one more i want to add about the north star that it gives you a sense of resilience z because our world is ever changing. Obviously as you know. And it's changing more rapidly at a faster rate than ever before. And so anchoring in and seeing your north star in some way or whatever. This mission is by integrating your organic nature with whatever is your human self also wants to pursue and just remembering this give you the confidence to continue to stay the course instead of having to take the scenic route because no matter what you'll always get back to whatever is you truly truly desire and want to experience in this incarnation. All right well. I hope that that helped in some way. And i'll see you tomorrow for monday's episode with sahara rose. And i hope that you have a magical rest your year. Your knees that is. The rat is iraq for this episode. I hope that something spoke deep believed who you expanded you in some way. Please let me know it. So you can catch me on instagram at raquel mantra as bill. Raquel a different way. The most even see the spelling in the show outs or hang out with your knees. The like minded very conscious and expansive and helpful soles on the year on magic. Facebook grew especially a place to turn to when it comes to. Well whatever you're going through. And there are several tools on the euro magic dot life membership site all right. Well thank you so so much and have a magical rest of your day.

hilo national breast cancer foundat mascarenhas breitner karnataka hugh Mary youtube raquel sahara rose raquel mantra Raquel iraq Facebook
Smoke From California Wildfires Affecting Millions Of People Far From Fire Zones

Environment: NPR

03:25 min | 2 years ago

Smoke From California Wildfires Affecting Millions Of People Far From Fire Zones

"Support for this podcast and the following message. Come from internet essentials from Comcast. Connecting more than six million low income people to low cost high speed internet at home. So students are ready for homework class graduation and more. Now, they're ready for anything the wildfires across California have killed more than fifty people and destroyed thousands of homes. Many more people are still missing and even before the fire zone even beyond the fire zone. Californians are feeling the effects of these fires smoke is blowing into the Los Angeles base in the central valley. Amazon Francisco Bay area public health officials say people should avoid exercising outside and should wear protective masks outdoors from member station. K Q E D in San Francisco. Raquel Maria Dillon has more children are especially vulnerable to wildfire smoke because their lungs are still developing and they play hearts. At Marshall elementary in San Francisco's mission district, the smoky air means recess is cancelled for the rest of the week teacher. Greg ADS says his kindergartners are bouncing off the walls ever been outside. They have all this energy in mistook on them. It's probably tough on him to the wins that fan the campfire north of Sacramento haven't led up and the current weather pattern is pushing smokeout through the Golden Gate. This air is unhealthy doctors recommending filtering respirator masks made for dusty construction work rated n ninety five or better yet. They're all the end ninety five or higher. Yep. That's correct. At hardware store in the north beach neighborhood Tina row Tolo says they've sold thousands of masks since the smoke hit on Friday. We bought as many as a tell us eight hundred seven hundred five hundred time while masks her helpful pulmonologist, Dr John bounds says they may give a false sense of security they work, but they have to be properly fitted. They have to make a good seal around the nose and mouth cut up like a snorkel mask. But they don't fit unsheltered or people with beards smoke is unhealthy because of what's in it particulate matter and carcinogenic compounds. How bad it is for. You has a lot to do with. How close you are to the source and how much you breathe bombs says wildfire smoke is like diesel exhaust and cigarette smoke, and so while fire smoke is basically the same stuff, but it's different sitting right next to a fire. That's a different level of exposure than us being several hundred miles down wind from the campfire while. Fire smoke also contains other stuff, plastics paint metals even pesticides from the homes businesses and vehicles that burned Tony Wechsler director of the air quality research center at UC. Davis says these extended mega fire smoke events have health officials rethinking their advice to the public. We've only had wildfires in California. We've always had we've had various levels of devastation, but in my experience, it hasn't been one after the other for, you know, basically years at a time here this this is this is a whole new game Wexler says this new game of millions of people exposed to heavy smoke over days weeks, and even months has adverse health implications. And he says that's a concrete and immediate effect of climate change for NPR news. I'm Racquel Maria. Dylan in San Francisco.

San Francisco California Comcast Raquel Maria Dillon Wexler Francisco Bay Racquel Maria Sacramento Greg ADS Tolo Marshall elementary Dr John bounds Los Angeles NPR Amazon Tony Wechsler Golden Gate Dylan
How Families Are Planning for a Pandemic-Proof Halloween

TIME's Top Stories

04:40 min | 5 months ago

How Families Are Planning for a Pandemic-Proof Halloween

"Brought to you by lucky charms magical mission. Let lucky the Leprechaun take you and your kids on an interactive adventure through the eight magical charm lands to restore magic available on your smart. Speaker. Just say open lucky charms, magical mission or search for it wherever you listen to podcasts. A. Candy slide virtual costume contests, indoor trick, or treating some families are planning for a pandemic proof Halloween by K. D. Lang. For Jamie K- Gra near and Jay Gra near Halloween is a major production. The Couples Austin home often draws crowds that lineup the block and they have a youtube channel wicked makers that shows how to make Halloween props this year however, they're normally interactive decorations will be designed to be seen from afar and kids in the neighborhood will get treats via candy slide a structure that uses a six foot PVC pipe to deliver candy without contact their video explaining how to build one has netted nearly three hundred thousand views. The greer's are one of many families rethinking Halloween traditions this year, some cities are canceling parades and events while others are instituting health and safety regulations the Centers for disease. Control and Prevention CDC. Considers door to door trick or treating and trunk or treating where kids get candy from trunks of cars and parking lots as higher risk. Likewise Indoor haunted houses or costume parties and Hay Rides with people not in your. Household. Make of frights become a little too real when as the agency warns screaming increases the risk of spreading the virus. But this doesn't mean kids have to miss out on spooky celebrations or bags full of candy. It's definitely going to be a different halloween, but it's been a fun challenge to look at it from that perspective Jay Granier says the creativity that you have by celebrating the season is not going. Anywhere Lori Berga Motto Style director at Good Housekeeping, and a Halloween enthusiast says parents should look to outdoor lower risk activities. especially ones recommended by the CDC such as socially distanced door movie nights decorating pumpkins outside or virtual costume contests as parents. It's really important for us to remain. Positive says Burger motto who is eight months pregnant with her third child? It's all about reforming it in a way where it's not. canceled. But instead here's an awesome way we can celebrate her family will place carved pumpkins six feet apart on the lawn of her Mamaroneck New York home each pumpkin will hold an individual treat bag full of candy, which can then be replenished instead of a costume party. Berga. Motto is also organizing a dress up from the neck up zoom call with their extended family where they'll dawn fancy headwear accessories and makeup. Because of the pandemic Erin Dunphy Raquel, a production coordinator in Burlington Connecticut will get to spend Halloween with her two and a half year old nephew who's visiting from Florida. She's put together a full agenda of safe activities including indoor trick or treating in which each adult will stand behind door in a room or closet giving her nephew the experience of knocking and asking for Candy. They'll also paint pumpkins outside and have a family only parade in the driveway. In place of the one, he would have had it school While it can feel a little sad that it's not a normal halloween. I'd rather be safe and create some special memories that are different. Then run the risk of doing the same things dunphy Raquel says. Layla Momeni a teacher in San Francisco notes. It's probably just one halloween she's planned in night hike with a scavenger hunt for her two children and another family where the kids will search for candy with flashlights. Kids are generally pretty resilient. She says, I'm hoping that I can be empathetic to their loss here while also modeling joy and eagerness toward a new experience besides what spookier than the woods at night.

Erin Dunphy Raquel CDC Jamie K- Gra Leprechaun Layla Momeni Couples Austin K. D. Lang Jay Gra Prevention greer Jay Granier Lori Berga Burger Good Housekeeping New York San Francisco director Burlington Connecticut coordinator
Support LGBTQ Youth: The Raquel Willis and Lindsay Amer Interview

Gaslit Nation with Andrea Chalupa and Sarah Kendzior

1:06:06 hr | 7 months ago

Support LGBTQ Youth: The Raquel Willis and Lindsay Amer Interview

"They! Welcomed and gasoline nation I'm Andrea Chalupa, a journalist and filmmaker and the writer and producer of the journalistic thriller Mr Jones available now. We're grateful and honored to welcome in the show to inspiring experts will be sharing their advice and insights for both lgbtq youth, and their families stuck at home together during this pandemic, and how to help navigate this difficult time and build a more inclusive and safe environment. Our guests are Raquel. Raquel Willis a black transgender activist, writer and media strategist dedicated to elevating the dignity of marginalized people, particularly black transgender people. She is the former executive editor of out magazine and a former national organizer for transgender law center TLC in two thousand eighteen. She founded Black Trans Circles, a project of TLC focused on developing the leadership of Black Trans Women in the South and Midwest by creating healing justice spaces to work through. Based Trauma and incubating community, organizing efforts to address anti trans murder and violence. During her time out magazine, she published the Trans, obituaries project to highlight the epidemic of violence, against Trans Women of Color and developed a community sourced thirteen point framework to end the epidemic. This project was nominated for glad media Ward Raquel as a thought leader on gender, race and intersection -ality. She'll be releasing her book the risk it took to bloom her debut essay collection about her coming of identity and activism with Saint Martin's press and twenty twenty one. Our other guests is Lindsay. Lindsay Lynn's Aimar. WHO CREATES A D.? Q. And social justice media for kids and families, Lynn's writes produces and co hosts queer kid stuff, an original lgbtq educational web series for ages three and up. They also produce and host a brand new family friendly podcast called activists you where they explore social justice topics through interviews with kid and youth activists, they are the founder and CEO of Queer Kid Studios, a multimedia production company based in Portland Maine. Making Queer focused intersectional. All Ages media before we start the interviews. We're going to play a clip from Lindsey. Ten TOC and also a clip from where cal Willis speaking at the black. Trans Lives Matter Rally in Brooklyn in June will link to both videos and our show notes for this episode. Lesbian Gay and bisexual teens are more than three times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers and transgender teens are almost six times more likely. According to one study, roughly one third of homeless youth identify as Lesbian Gay, bisexual or questioning, and about four percent of homeless youth identify as transgender compared with one percent of the general youth population surveyed. According to the Human Rights Campaign. There have been one hundred and twenty eight killings of Trans People. In eighty seven cities across thirty two states since twenty thirteen and those are only the reported cases. And eighty percent of those killings. Were of Trans Women of Color. Situation is. bleak. To say the least. Alexa. This UNLV downs. We make. Race comedies. Figure right they build out infrastructure. Organ face in on their foundation. They've had my says. A are sometimes right. People in meet ourselves. You know I might get some trouble for saying that. And yes, the legislation manner by. Whites! Bits of worry about legislation Bob lack of this. So I am here with two greats for lgbtq rights, limbs, Aamer and Raquel Willis, thank you so much for coming on gasoline nation today so the purpose of today's discussion is to reach out to our Q. Friends out there listening and their families and friends, whoever they may be sheltering in place with during the Zombie apocalypse with no end in sight, and just to say that we see you, we love you. We support you. You are not in this alone, and we especially want to talk to young people. Because high school has been disrupted junior. Junior. High has been disrupted Going off to college has been disrupted, and those are times where people find themselves, and you find yourself through your friends through your heartache through your boyfriend girlfriend, who your loves, and you come out you come out of the closet you find yourself and so for youth stuck at home. Today may be in in homes. That may not fully understand you. You don't feel safe in. We WanNA. Talk to you. We want to reach out to you and we're GONNA do that with this conversation with his two amazing experts who? Are Remarkable in their work for human rights and inclusiveness and equality, and we're so grateful for all that you do, and so we want to just start by asking you both what advice and we'll start with Lens and then we'll we'll go to. The were cal, so Lindsey headed vice. Do you have for a young person who wants to come out of the closet, but doesn't know how. Yeah I think it's tough because of the Times that we're living in right now and everything going on in particular with quarantine. Because we're stuck at home in homes, it might not be supported so I think that the first kind of step in that is making sure that you'll save in your environment to come out in and that you have kind of an adult support so having someone who can back you. You up in and be that person who can support you through that coming out process when you know and if it might get difficult so I think that asks us. The most important is to feel safe and comfortable in your space, and finding the places, even if they're not inside your household where you feel comfortable, expressing yourself, so yeah comfort is a big part of that and navigating that quarantine. rievaulx complicated obviously. Recall. What are your? What's your advice on? This safety and comfort is important I believe you know especially if you're in the fate of where you're trying to figure out how to come out, really like be strategic anesthetics. That safety in that comfort that lends was the thing. You Know I. think that they're such cultural. Push of course around everyone being out, and of course the world that we want to live in, but we also know the sometimes folks don't respond well to you living in your amazingness, brilliance so that means you have to do what is best for you sometimes just to simply survive on when I was growing up in. Augusta Georgia have a teenager trying to figure out how I was GONNA. Come out. I felt very isolated, and that was probably most Stating part of that experience was feeling. No one understood felling like no one talked to and different things at that time we did obviously have forums on the Internet and I found folks connect to who were a similar age having similar experiences and found community in that sense, even though I didn't really have folks in Earth. and then I also just kind of. On my own kind of experiments with finding support in the form of an adult in my life, whether it was like trying to talk to a guidance counselor or a teacher, who I felt like would be a farming and I found a few votes. You know who are supportive of me before. I was able to kind of fully come out to my parents So that was helpful I. Think the other thing, too. You know now there's obviously so many TV shows and so many like musicians who are out. So that's a great outlet for me, it was books you know so. I remember reading these very cheesy like books about queered life being gay. And that point there weren't really many books about the complexity of gender or being trans or non binary, but media was also outlets. I think you know finding that support whether it's any real life or online in terms of community finding. Adult senior life who can be a support to you as you navigate, and then also finding the media that kind of expresses the lie that you're currently living the life that you want to live and I think those things can be very helpful. So I WANNA talk about gender as a journey and exploring gender and gender fluidity I. Think some of us in the West may have a tendency to think okay. This is new. I don't understand it, is it? A trend is a media concoction, and so I think people have to understand how terrible this idea of gender fluidity is in how it's always been with us, but we're finally at a point to. have greater visibility greater understanding of it, and that's why we're. We're hearing about it more. We've denied it for so long as a country. Now it's out and we're talking about it and we need to for the safety of transgender men and women. And so could you talk a little bit about that? You know people the children that were born a boy or born a girl, but as they got older and got to know themselves, they felt this isn't who I am. I was born a girl, but I'm really a boy I feel natural the skin of a boy. I want to dress and talk and be like a boy. Could you talk a little bit about you know for children listening for teenagers? Teenagers Listening like what that journey means how to navigate that you know when I was really figuring out how to even articulate minds vendor because I felt like I was always on the gender. Journey is just that I always have the language to talk about what I was going through our community to lean on and much of that then come. Unfortunately, that was like in college, but one thing that in hindsight I wish I had had mormon understanding of us that. We are Fed so many. Cookie Cutter Narratives of what it means to be any identity, and but particularly being trans or gender, non conforming or even non binary, and the truth is is that we all have unique experience. It's important for you to find ways to understand your experience expressed your south on your own terms I reject this idea that we all have to fill a certain way to be trans, you know there are plenty of trans people who are comfortable with their bodies, as they are and I think that we do a disservice when we don't allow is space for data experience as well I think the other thing too, is I internalize a lot of the slurs and the things that I was called growing up, and it's really important especially when you're end those early stages of figuring out your gender identity To find spaces and people that are affirming of your experience, the other you. Because of your experience or make you feel less than our shame around your experience. Obviously, we don't need a yes person for everything that we do you need to. You need to like friends and folks who will like hold you accountable and all that good stuff, but when it comes to identity anyone who is trying to make you fell less than because of your trans. Or gender non conforming experience or non binary experiments, probably someone. He needs to figure out how to get away from her. Or out of your life, I think the other thing, too is patients is so key. Unfortunately we live in a society where most folks are. Exposed to authentic experiences of Trans People, they are polls that say that most people say that they don't even know and hands arson in their life. The ask the end fortunately reality, and think that often carry the burden of being an educator being sometimes they are pests for the people in our lives, but you have agency and deciding how much you want to hold someone's hand Reu, understanding your experience in general, and so I think holding that as well as Barium ornette. 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A fact that I give them my tedtalk I love kind of like saying over, and over again is that there's a study from the American Academy of Pediatrics that says that most children have a solid understanding of their gender identity by the. And you know that's not true for every transit. We're in non binary person, but looking back in my life when I was four years old. At sometimes, no antics gender identity when I hit you know kind of channel eleven twelve, those early and informative years. That's what my hit kind of gender roles, and to the strict stereotypes of what gender identity looks like, and that's when I grew my hair out. Let's make years because I was getting MIS gendered so much. Much as a jobless kind of like tomboys, kid and I got yelled at wants to bring into the bathroom because she people watch his her son in there. When I was day camp when I was little, the nail counselor brought me to the voice changing Nutri by swimsuit for less so like there were all these experiences that kind of combined to tell me that I was expressing. My authentic gender identity didn't have support in the world, and it took almost. Almost, a decade of kind of looking through that struggle to understand and come to a point wreck start thinking about myself as non binary and I didn't comes not binary insert using the then pronounced, until I was twenty five, and that was still a long road that I'm trying to figure out and figuring out my relationship to like my sis, passing privilege, and also at wear, I feel right in the Trans Community in in the non community and you know it's. It's tough, and it's a very personal journey and different stages of it. Come at different times for me in was pronounced for someone else might be how you express yourself and allow yourself to kind of explore those those different modes of gender expression I mean if you're a writer, your creator of any kind expressing your gender and figuring out your entrance rule, whatever format makes the most sense for union I think that allowing a little bit of solidity within that. There's so much emphasis on my taking something in choosing something and landing on an identity, and I think that that perpetuates the rigidity of the systems that we're trying to kind of figure out who we are then. This is what I love about talking to early elementary school kids about gender identity is that there's so much scaffolding within their lives at that age to be exploring every aspect of life, and I think that gender should be included. So for the children listening for the teenagers listening. That are on this journey of self discovery that may have certain feelings and they don't know this is are these feelings that I'm having those feelings just exploring or am I gay? Could you share a little bit about your journey for advice for others who may need to hear it? And how did you find out you're gay? How did you know? Yeah it's. It's a long process. I mean I definitely knew. I was different from young age. watch Disney movies I would and project myself onto the male characters that was confusing for a lot of different reasons. But just knowing that there was something that didn't quite. With, the stories as soon information that I had access to a young person in you back to like no the lightbulb moment. For pretty much every person I am about to generalize. I think there's usually like light old moment and for Meat House the first time accused of girl. That was you know when I was a teenager and it finally kind of clicked in like all this disjointed nece that I've been feeling like up until that moment and then something kind of clicked in like. Oh, okay, gay. Of, and then I didn't get to explore that, in kind of like a purposeful thought, processing times in college, Mister to gender studies, sauces, and really kind of starting to understand what the word queer means, how that kind of integrated into land entities while and takes I on I. Think you know it's the same gender. You have to have patients I think for me. It was a little bit easier for me to cut my sexuality than it was put my gender. It's different for every person. Sometimes your gender identity comes first and sexuality comes later. Finding community is the most important are I. Mean I did the whole fall in love. My best friend thing when I was a teenager has a lot of us. Probably have and I was definitely a struggle someone who was there for me in that difficult part of my life and. I'm endlessly grateful for someone who was supporting e through that so I. Think a lot of what we're talking about is throughout all this. In finding those people who support you and finding those outlets for exploration and of creativity in Grad Denby. My journey know I. Think I, said a little bit about the second album by a lot of it was internalizing what I was being called by peers. I was ostracized for and bullied for everything from being too feminine. You know they would say things by Oh. You're gay and you know we are really using terms like transgender. At that time there were others firms of people are using, and so you know it was really. That I at the label on. For a lot of my child. Even though I will be sitting up at night like praying out of growth in the Catholic family, so that's a whole nother story, but pray that I would just wake up at the girl, and things would just make more sense, and they'd be so much more align for me and I wouldn't be dealing with all this bullying, and obviously that's very naive idea of what it means. They even have your agenda experience. Align with what everyone else see is. Because we know that girls in women don't really have anything easier, but at the time. That was you know what I was thinking in my head. Yet, so it really wasn't until after I came out Dan high school that I was in college I mother transplant. All all types of people people using like gender clear France arms. And I found that affects of my identity that I had been forced to neglect for so long really more around gender and so that was where I of found language gender studies courses, and when I was in college was when Janet mock came out. You know and so Sohar in media saw. Lavar in a few years later, so so that was all kind of happening at the same time, and it's weird. You knock him out and was living in that kind of period. Right before this like trans visibility periods so in some ways. I felt like I had. A variety of experiences around just being a black transform America. In those things are. Important to my identity, but I will say I think. I didn't really get a true grasp by think of what it was like particularly a Black Trans woman until after college and I was in kind of world, and you know we are in a time. Unfortunately we are. There is a lot of hateful rhetoric around being trans. You know we see at from JK Raleigh and we see it from many conservative politicians. We see it also from the president of the United States now. And then, of course, there's also this ongoing epidemic of violence. That's plaguing particularly Black Trans by trans men and so. One of the missteps that will have rioters that we share all of this like great anecdotes around what it means to come into identity, but we don't actually like prepare our youth to understand that they're actually some really fortunate things happening in this time, even beyond the covid nineteen pandemic. In having that real conversation, I think the other piece of it is that there are people who are fighting for you, you know there are activists and organizers and adults who are trying to make this world catch up to your brilliance and see your beauty and your power. And we have been fighting or decades for generations you. Our history is so rich as queer and Trans Non Binary people, you know we have the activists like Marsha p Johnson and Sillier avair. We have an forming folks like stormy the library we have missed major. Who is still with us today so many other. Who Love You. Who loved you before? You were even world at? ALL THAT RIDICULOUS OF HAPPENING! We are in a moment. Your Generation GonNa area so much of this power for just get ready. The best you can do right now is a take care of your cell surround yourself with people who care about you and a you and figure out the ways that you want to contribute to this movie, and so this world so beautiful so obviously growing up with the same friends and you WANNA come out to them a. what advice do you have about coming out to your friends in? How did your friends react? Okay. I I've had a couple of coming out in Queer and Trans a lot of your life is moments of coming out big and small The teenager and I came out as day like fifteen I came out to a few my close friends. They were all like Oh. Wow, you know. It was like it was really just shocking at that on. Anybody would an own that they were queer or anything. This is like you know the. Thousands of late two thousand, but like first aid, and then I had another friend who I knew how to big mouth tiny, and I was like you know what you're going to do. All the work May. Come out to you. And then it just spread I since there was just her, but that was kind of my like mindset and telling her when it came succumbing out as Trans I was in college, a different experience I was an adult so really. The conversation I was having with my family. Was You know I came with my like guard of had my shelled? Shelled on and I was prepared for the worst, because coming out as gay is like a completely different story than coming out as Trans and bike look. I'm an adult now so imbued. Don't affirm the experience of my like. There's no debate about it. It is what it is. You have a choice. You can firmness experience, respect it or not, and if you don't then. Happy in my life, which is not an easy thing to say an easy conversation with by. Luckily, my mom was. Like this actually makes a lot more sense than you just being gay, so that was really like a powerful experience and and then my brother and sister. You know were farming to different degrees. My sister was a farm and she was like okay. This is just a lot of new information. My brother, it is still a journey with him as often with this gender heterosexual men. Unfortunately but That was kind of my experience and I. Think what helped me was. You know I did a variety of things I focused on telling one time instead of selling a million people in general and then also you know when it came to coming out as Trans I. E mailed letters to my family like individual ladders, instead of having the on the phone conversation, because I didn't WanNa be instructed and I didn't want so backtrack under the pressure and helped me as well I think it's about being also just been creative Abou-. What you need in terms of accompanying out experience, because it's really you, it's really for you more so than anyone else. Her sharing your information with. I think that friendships and and figuring out WHO and my family most comfortable with. Has Been. A huge part of the journey of coming out. It's the same thing it's. It's not just one coming out. It's it's a many house once you figure it out, and you can't come out to yourself, and you decide to express up to the world. It does off. I mean initially came out as bisexual, and when I came out small of very close friends in high school, and when I came incidents bisexual, they were pretty supportive, and they surprise. Surprise later ended up being. Which is? Something that I happens. To kind of a close friend that I've heard this experience, the people that you know people. They were close with them high slow end up, also coming out on leader, and you know that being you know coming out being pardoned. They're coming up journey this That's like interesting thing that ends up happening small circles I came out to my at the time was I m. she was awesome. We're on and I. think that what was more difficult. I think his family and for me I didn't come my family really until I for Straw friend in use that as an excuse to come out eventually and that kind of. Relationship gave me is the ability to like Saddam, my sister Overti- food, and say I have a girlfriend and not necessarily having to say. Hi and Twain Joey. Because I think, that's a lot of what coming out was down tunes revealing. What your preferences are and sometimes that's not something you want to talk about. You know. The assumption is about heterosexuality in having to disrupt that assumption for other people, so I think that for me. It was his family that was kind of the tough thing, and what ended up happening for me, was no I ended up coming out, but it was. It was less an actual coming out than it was a decision to stop lying. Because, there was so much as doing up until that point to cover my clearness and make sure that people wouldn't find out and figure out was in Hawaii identified, and there was just a point where I got to steal like bats. What was the bird? It was the lying. That was the burning. Mussa hiding myself. That was the burden, and I, just decided you know I felt comfortable enough with that point to the okay I'm just GonNa. Stop Lying. It's not necessarily like a big Thanksgiving dinner where I come out. It's you know where I decide. No, I'm going to. Address people can assume whatever they want about me. If they have questions, you know that's a discussion that we can open up, but this is something. That's very personalty, so that was kind of my. Journey and coming out space. Trying to figure that out, but friendships through all of that were spur important McMahon mature that you know these are people that I wanted in my life and my partner was. You know really a huge part of me out somebody She's the first person I ask. Sir Using pronouns for me, and that was really part of searing outline off I, news is just hearing someone pronounce for me and kind of that that feeling of also gender euphoria in just hearing the right pronounce. That's a really interesting part of this. Is this new? Visibility around gender pronouns, do you Wanna be called her or him or they them and so, what is sort of a good way of parents talking to their youth or youth? Working out for support is it's sort of you know. Should young people say hey? I feel more comfortable with them because I'm still figuring things out, so could you both touch on why gender pronouns and making sure you understand the right one to use with this specific person? What those are and why is it so important? I mean you did touch on that, but I think it's worth sort of staying here for a moment because it is new, we're seeing more and more of this The discussion around is important. So I work with pretty young children for the most part I work with most mostly elementary school ages around my work is all ages, but it's nearly for like three to like six or seven year olds and discussions around gender identity with kids. That age is a little bit different, because you're just introducing Yankee of what Pronoun is that as they're kind of figuring out what the world is a process that, and then how to internalize it and figure out how they self identify with in all of that information, so that's kind of like A. Cognitive Development, it's really important to not be scared of those conversations. I think that that's what really gets in the way of educating young people around clearness, granddaddy and transis and trump firing this. Is this this idea that it's taboo topic and it's something that I'm not an expert in. It's something that I shouldn't talk about all and I think that that is way more restrictive, too young person than having a conversation, maybe fumbling through a little bit and being transparent that maybe you're not expert and you know. Why don't we on the Stream you're discovering? Discovering what this is together and being able to have those conversations in a way that is vulnerable as a run-up doesn't necessarily know everything because we're foul to, and we need kids to understand that ups or not the end all y'all of this information, so I think that it's really important as terrorists come back and say you know I don't know everything and. and. We're GONNA figure this out together and being supported in those spaces as well and and providing kind of a positive comforting space to have those conversations because i. mean my my parents, you know. I grew up in New York City. Very liberal space is you know seemingly one of the most diverse places in the world and my family's very open. Know Quote Unquote accepting, but you know I was still they were all street. People people who didn't understand the struggle. I was going through and didn't understand the mental health around this well I. Think bit that was definitely hard for me up in figuring that out on my own, and if I. You know my family to was willing to go on that journey with me I. think that one is made things a little bit different end you know, I see that happening a lot in the invoke to watch my work in who age of me in that way is parents who are really excited to kind of understand gender new way for their kids and that's something. I think lens sum that up very well I also think that can I be frank? Young of course. I'm kind of. Drained and exhausted and aggravated that we often as particularly transgender non-conforming people are. Forced to support, folks in. The basic ways that they can just respect us right like I actually think that the Pronoun Conversation is in many ways a cloud over some of the other more tangible ways that folk should be supporting trans and gender non conforming people. You know I think as a star to obviously like call people by their names I think even throwing out the language of shell within like this is just my name. Call me my name. The name that I told you to call me I think even throwing out words and terms like preferred now. These are my pro now. Just call me my pronoun. You're saying that this is my preference. But This is just my pronoun. This is how you engage me in respect my humanity. It's not really a choice. It's not really up for debate, but I think the other work that needs to be happening. It's folks needs to be holding other accountable right, so it's not just enough to hold yourself accountable to getting pronouns correct getting names correct, but it's also a value particularly for the allies or people who want to call them allies on comrades or co, conspirators. To hold other people accountable who are harming translates into non-conforming people, because we can't be the only ones teaching and advocating for ourselves, we need other people to also be in on this fight. And the institutions that were part of whether it's like your school or your university or your doctor's office or your community organization, not enough people who aren't trans and gender non conforming are speaking up about the way is that we are often absent from larger conversations around how to make these spaces assessable whether it's access to. The restaurants that we need to use like any other human being whether it's access to even just being a part of how roles are set in a particular playas so. You're in the classroom. It's not enough to just ask what a not for mean child's name is. What are the other ways that they need to be supported and that space? How are you going to show up for them? When hold these other children are youth accountable when those moments happen. How are you also going to have real conversations with parents who may not be affirming of their child's experience and you may. May Be the only one in their life. Who is right, and so how are you going to help that child strategy is on relationship with their parents or with their family that may not be for me, so I think there are a lot of conversations that we need to be having as well the Pronoun and and Name Conversation John is just one part of it and we don't get to those other pieces. Also on everyone to make sure that they are also transforming the relationships in the families that they are part of so when you go home down, just leaving the fact that you need to respect me at this time when we're together, you need to be making sure that Tran than inaugural forming folks are respected even when we're not even in the room. Are you having those conversations with your grandma with? Your siblings with maybe even your partner, or maybe even your own children who don't quite understand why they need. It'd be respecting transgender non conforming people. This is a creative endeavor. Right by transforming the world is a creative endeavor, and so it takes a lot of insight to assess where you're coming from and what power and privilege you do actually hold to change things or the Trans and gender non conforming people who may or may not actually be in your life. Thank you both so much for that? And so for the young people listening just to sum it up? What advice do you have for them for how to come out? What is what is the best advice you've ever heard that you may have for them? As. They're thinking about coming out. What helped me again with such fi I was just like online you know and we weren't really using Be like that, but we had like these teen forums, and you could like pulse like whatever ridiculous sometimes embarrassing. But also like those were some of the spaces where I also saw the words of like other trans-youth, talking about coming out I. Think one thing is just don't feel rushed. You know like you are on your own. Timeframe with coming out now and again I think silencing. Those feelings of shame are so important because there is a reason you probably are out, and it's a lot of work that happened in the world's so that the next person can fill maybe more comfortable than you. That's how I approached it. You know some of it was obviously like coming out for myself, but it was also like. I know that there are other Queer and Trans folks, and maybe this can help them whether it's in the high school that I was in or the college I was in and I. Think now you know it's wild like a a global audience and some instances. But that is important, I think also jus-. Figuring out. The other pieces of your experience that you need support as well you know so the coming out pieces just the star so hopefully you now having that door open to dream and think ambitions. Beyond. The ways that you've had to be silent for so long, so there isn't exciting element to it that we don't talk about enough either right like beyond the the fear whatever the outcome is, your truth is out there, honey. So, what are you going to do next? You know like I. We don't often have enough space. To think about ourselves as clearance SCHRANZ, non binary people. In the terms that I think other people do right. It's like this is just one aspect of my identity, but I may be. A hell of a writer I may be. An amazing soccer player, words, cheerleader, or whatever and you deserve to also does. Not Solely, be defined by one experience in your life. You know you you get to have as expanse of an experience of anybody else and your clearness. business is not going to stand, and in the way of that at all. In fact is probably GonNa make you even more of a bad ass to be honest. Absolutely I, mean my advice to. It goes that I mean I think that it's about cultivating those pieces around you figuring out you know how to be filled even as a young person, even who's clear and Striving for Joy and talk about my work a lot south spreading, we're joy and I. think that it's important to understand that we ask people as transpeople at some finery, people have a full breadth of experiences emotions, and we need to honor as well as these specific parts identity that color at law of our experiences the world and you know when when I was a kid I, the forms to. Like a theatre, my refuge and theater performance, and that was a themed London's passionate about stories and street, telling and figuring out how restructuring works, and how I could be contributed that leader as an actor in leader writer announced producer Creator, and that has all been normal part of my journey as well with my to speak into that in into voice that I have now and you know it was equally as. As important for me to cultivate my creative journey, as it has been for me to understand my gender and my identity, so understanding ourselves as full whole, keep wool and nurturing that fullness is something that I. Think can get us through those times, so you know it may be. There's you know maybe your gender, or maybe your sexuality made our Earth things that also pain in something. You're struggling with right now and that. That is a valid space to be in and I think bet figuring out how to manage mental health around. That is really important skill to start honing as you're running in all of that, but also looking at these spaces the do bring you joy that are accessible for people not to love theater. You taking acting class. Go to the theater program in your school. figure out ways in your day to day life where? Where you can find that joy for yourself, reading books, reading media and finding spaces where there are, there is Queen's Representative I mean there's so much more now than there was when I was young, and I think a lot of what we are creators who are in those spaces of tower with platforms now is were making the work that we have when we were young I wish that I could gift my work to. Five year old me and the next best thing. Is it a five year old? Watches that and you know, the parent of that side watches my Tedtalk, so it's all about this kind of single major of how are giving ourselves content to make us feel better as community and I think that there's so much to detach into all of that, so yeah, it's about finding those escapes, but also things that make you well rounded person in the world, and what we can give to our community individuality. Two more questions for the kids. And then we'll end on the parents going through junior high high school college in going on this journey. How do you deal with bullying? What are some resources for kids dealing with bowling out there? Out Right now on the Trevor Project is incredible resource as a suicide hotline, but also digital community where young people can connect with each other. I league thirteen, and above to own being there on community, but that is definitely a space for young people to connect with each other I think fans are really great place for young people, particularly young people over kind of like different media that you're passionate about and translate fine is. Is the Trans on suicide hotline and has mental health resources. There are a lot of different organizations that have been popping over. Years are incredible organizations that are really supportive of on use in Tel Aviv and you're struggling. You're in a space that doesn't feel comfortable. Those are places you can reach out to. Those are some resources that I am aware of ensure are many many more that are easy to find a on that. I've also urged folks to all always like figure out. What senior community When I was in middle and high school, that was one dollars like I've said this already a lot, but I was on the Internet looking whatever I could find and you know there are a lot of smaller organizations. Many of them have a lot of us. Who are part of them that she may not know. That you can probably find in your local area. You know there are a lot of different smaller community groups that are doing really important work that we often don't even know the names of so I would urge you to do a search. Look online to find like a group. Bad specializes of algae bt, Q. issues. And experiences. You know what the bullying is like. It's so hard. I experienced out of bullying I felt like most people I know have a Lotta. Time doesn't even just clear and Trans people who experienced as well as just such a difficult age frame said be an, and then, of course we're in a time where even the adults are out here, acting wild y'all so sorry that we're having lived through that. But I I think I'm. Not Being. Afraid to speak up for yourself is so key and I know that's easy to say by their different ways to speak up for yourself, even if you can't speak up in the moment when someone says something to you or does something to you, it is still important for you to find out how to get accountability for what happened whether means going and talking to someone like a teacher or another adult in your lie, after the fact that some ordinary and We have the idea and adults having to write this idea of like well I shouldn't snatch. I shouldn't say anything because that's bad, but I actually think you know particularly when you're young, it's important to figure out how you can stand up for yourself in a way that will. Hold your bullies accountable and it's important for you to say you know if someone has harmed. You are not to be adults in your life, so the they can support you in figuring out what needs to happen, and honestly I remember worrying so much about turning somebody in or whatever when I was a kid, and honestly like people forget things I. Don't think that this idea that you're a snitch. View to try to get accountability for what happened to you is how you does are. Protected and respected. Great so to wrap up the conversation with any youth that needs to hear any of this I'm obviously you guys have given a lot of great resources for young people? Are there any other books films? Documentaries anything else you. WanNa turn people to young people that may need resources right now to navigate all this. It's a lot because I'm in the children's media space That's a long while I turn to in a lot of whatever convinced people there is only Unfortunately, we saw a lot of work to do in bringing weirdness the. Media Sheron Princess Power is a Netflix show redefining Stevenson also absolutely incredible is beautiful show danger eggs is also a series created shoddy petoskey. Trans Lemon and John and I mean that insulin gay show I've ever seen. The. The end the last episode on during a primary, so that's a wonderful wonderful resources can watch videos kid stuff you really want to. There's so much incredible media out there I mean. We're. Is Huge right now. We're graphic novels huge right now. I have case in calendars new book on my bookshelf right now, call fields that are I am stoked to read. That I, believe has I haven't really yet, but I believe at the main character is black and a entrance masculine, and I'm so said the to Rabat on rag terms. Grab novels. I mean Ordine is is part of it. something something something morning. just won an Eisner Award. That has a mean weird character and there's just so much. That's coming up right now. It's it's a really exciting time to be a person in media. And I think that you can find something for pretty much anyone at the slamming. There's obviously a lot of work to be done, but I mean things hose like the pusher boundary and. Reading beautiful beautiful work and disability flat transom in and and the beautiful history of we're all culture. to a mainstream audience is edible. There's so much. If, you're on social media, Finding Queer and Trans folks to follow were like Sharing Their Experiences Ism Ordinance. Social media is also like. Of empowerment or a lot of people, so that's the thing definitely agree I poured my heart and soul, and to getting books that reflected my experience Sneaking into like stars, unlike like trying to hide you know like little queer book thunder other buds, because it was just so stigmatize, and it was like you know you were afraid, but there's so much more understanding now. An access now so that's hardening and then also show right now. You know there are a few movie and showdown now about like teens who are out ubt Hugh was released we. All like you know finding movies and show about the. You experience Also, affirming while and Some of the biggest things again that you can do is fine of anywhere life in your community who you can look to us. Possibility models to support on your journey. Final advice and this time for the caregivers, the parents, the grandparents, the aunts and uncles the siblings. What advice do you have for the people around? Eligible youth today sheltering in place everybody getting on each other's nerves, gay or straight. We're living in this in this new. Weird normal, and then on top of that, we have to navigate conversations that may be new completely new for some people. So what advice do you have for helping? family support LGBT youth. I think it's definitely something we've been talking about for me. It's about you know you got. You gotTA. Just do it. You know it's not the burden of fear. People not the burn securely transpeople to tell you how to treat them. You have to figure it out for yourself and that's. Being Pretty Franken blunt about that, but you know it's. It's so necessary anemic you and it's not just about doing the work to teach yourself. You have to teach others to mean. It's not just about understanding quickness McQueen. Experience in the Trans Experience the non binary experience, it's also understanding you know others faces, bring health privilege. You know if you're someone who's able bodied. You need to understand the disability. If you're someone who is white, you have to understand you know. Begin practicing anti-racism it something you haven't been done before. You have to understand the indigenous appearance. You have to understand the spaces where you have power to make real change, justify uplifting forces that are not your own who are more marginalized, and that's really internal journey of understanding and reckoning on privilege, and the way in which you can use that. To. Help give other people in uplift. Other people who need those spaces is filed, and in terms of specifically parents is not just about educating yourself. It's about educating your children, and you know making sure that you're really good. People and I think that who understand their understand where they are, and they can do and helps them make changes slowly because you know, young people literally manifest new world around them as they grow and develop, and you know we can't make a better world without young people after US executing that. And I think that it's so important that we keep doing that work every day. It's not something that you know you. Read about about age of your immediately racist. That's not how it works. It's it's the work of every day, and it's a work of understanding those larger concepts and pulling them in your day to day I mean. We sleep been touching on this whole interview I'm in you know women leads aces a lot, and it's just one ciswomen talked about opening up the language of that organization to non binary people I feel so much more comfortable in that space in all it would take is once this person to tell people to put their pronouns Jer, and it's that small thing that is you know about incremental change, and this is not something. That's GONNA. Help overnight something that happens with those baby. Steps the ban you know by the end of the decade girth top of the. The staircase me, so it's about collective action. And I think so much has to do with just putting in the work, and it is hard worker nothing alive, but you gotTA. Do it. Yeah I. Think obviously as adults often think we have the answers to everything, even when it comes to conversations with you, and it's not true where rolling evolving like anyone else, and actually you know there's so many things that we as adults can learn from the U. and especially if you have, you are having a different experience in you are Especially, they are clear SCHRANZ. It's important for you to understand that there are aspects of their identity and their experience that you may never completely get and that's okay. You know there's beauty and the differences you know. We live in a society that. tells us that we should all be one particular way. We should all like wine. Particular type of person John Move through the world a certain way, and that's just not true. We know that that's not true. What I experienced with my parents growing up was. If there's kind of this unspoken kind of shame or failings of you know, not being parents are all of these different issues, and you have to figure out how to work through that best part. Your child those expectations that you may have for your child. Just let them wash off. We are back because in really you shouldn't have put those extracts on your arse by. But this is the world that we're trying to build now that we know better and don't be afraid to ask for help as well badge child that needs support whether it's in the form of therapy or counseling or even finding community. You also need that so that you can. Support them as well so lean, and to figure out ways to also to support yourself in your journey and abolition. Thank you both so much. You provided a lot of invaluable insights. I asked you a lot of questions. Because I wanted to make sure we covered everything. This is such an important topic and conversation we. We all have to keep having I. WanNa ask finally. What is next for both of you with your projects? What are some things that we should look out for it in all the wonderful work that you do? alway is a lot of different things on flats. I'm working on a book the risk it takes to blow. Which? Will be out in twenty twenty one. I am the director of Communications for the mess. Foundation, so working on making the feminist movement more expansive, but also more accountable to a lot of the things that are going on in the met yeah, and just working with the Movement for black lives on some things so kind of doing a bunch of different things, and that's the way I like it. What's the name of your book again? The risk it takes to blown grades. Okay, we'll let us know when it's available. More. Share it on the show. Lynn's. What about you? What do you got going on next that we should look out for? Your your both always doing wonderful stuff. Yeah. Lot of different things same time, steadily the Mo.. Still working with your kids do performances all over the country bringing acquire joy to families FRESCA old lease. Mostly those are virtual now but I the libraries schools. New Senators at our. New bringing the material from your stuff into lives. And, trying to normalize fairness for young ages. I also do -freshing Workin. Speak About all that and I'm working on developing more educational resources around your kid stuff, so all even watch some zoom classes around social justice soon so there's a lot of stuff kind of coming up in that space I'm also a writer on a lot of concern work in development right now. Representation and characters to all ages media. There's a lot that's coming up so an watching space essentially. Great? Will Bank you both so much. This was incredibly inspiring interview. Host podcast. podcasting, okay, what's your podcast? Yes, sorry. I hosted podcast activists. You were interview inspirational kid in youth activists, so really kind of getting into the use after the scenes midday and interviewing now. System local activist you why? Wonderful will I can't thank you both enough. This was so interesting and inspiring, and I'm so grateful for all your insights, and for sharing your stories and your leadership, and the world is so lucky to have you and the work that you do and I. Apologize For the Internet connection. You both did a wonderful job. Does despite the quality of the connection, your answers came in through loud and clear, and we're really helpful and thank you. I can't I. Really can't thank you, Enough Anka. and. Our discussion continues, and you can get access to that up on our patron at the truth, teller, level or higher. We want to encourage you to donate to your local food bank, which is experiencing a spike in demand, we also encourage you to donate to direct relief at direct relief dot org, which is the flying much-needed protective gear to first responders, where can on the front lines in the US? China and other parts of the world. We encourage you to donate to the International Rescue, Committee a humanitarian relief organization helping refugees from Syria donate at rescue dot org, and if you want to help critically endangered Iringa. Already under pressure from the palm oil industry donate to the orangutans project at the Teen Project Dot Org. Gasoline, nation is produced by Sarah an android Chalupa. If you like what we do, leave us a review and I tunes. It helps us reach more listeners and check out our patron. It keeps US going our production. Managers are Nicholas Torres and Carla Nagel are episodes or edited by Nicholas tour, as and our patriotic exclusive content is edited by Carlin diggle original music gasoline nation is produced by David Whitehead. Whitehead Martin and Berg Nick Farr Damian Rei Aga and Carlin diggle. Our logo design was donated to US Behemoth Smith of the new york-based firm order. Thank you so much. Hamish gasoline nation like to thank our supporters at the producer level on Patriot on Adam. Levine Fowler Bama Allen Liu and Marshall Barbara Kit ttrij Brian to Juden. You're right. It's Brian to Jin I was right I know I saw. Gillis Carol Goal said Cat Cooper Katherine Anderson Corinna. Ozier Christine Oregon Daniel Pass already. David! Porter Diana Gala, her deals, Sinfield Elizabeth Dove Ami Eric Kaplan Arena Guardia. Pete and Man Evan Rose More Fontaine Carpenter. George Use Greg Kramer Gustaf Hosby Janet Robinson Gerald Lombardo Jason. Jason Reda Jeff, Thomson Jennifer Slavic Yawns up than Joel Newman John Hatred. John, Laughlin, John Ripley, Karen, Humphries. Kate Cotton Katie McHugh. Katie Missouri's Keith. Go Chok Kelly Ranson Kevin Gannon heaven 'em Garnett Kristeva Tallied Kristin Kuster Lawrence Graham Leo Chiluba Lindsey. eggleston lethal aflame Loretta Carole strong Lorraine W Todd Lynch. Schneider Mandy Fair for Marcus J.. Trent Margaret Mo- mark mark that Peres. Matthew Womack, Green Murphy Michael Stein Af-, Michael Wooldridge Michelle Dash Mike trip ago. Nicole Sphere Oliver Ash Pamela Newport, Rate Alba Rhonda White, Rich, Cross Richard, Smith, rift and ro. Sandra Collins Sonya Bogdanovic Sean Burke sharing hat. Trick Solomon Hikes Tanya Chiluba Victoria Negative Victoria. William Berry Reeves. Zachary Lemon thank you all so much. We could not make the show without you.

Trans People writer John Move Trans Women of Color Lindsay Lynn Lindsey Gasoline Nation United States Ward Raquel Black Trans Women TA Trans Experience partner Raquel Willis Trans Community Alexa UNLV TLC
NPR News: 12-05-2020 3AM ET

NPR News Now

04:39 min | 3 months ago

NPR News: 12-05-2020 3AM ET

"Live from npr news. I'm dale willman. The world health organization is warning that the coronavirus pandemic could get far worse before vaccines are widely available as npr's jason bobi and reports the who is urging countries to keep cove in nineteen containment measures in place amidst the news that distribution of phasers covert vaccine could start in the uk as early as next week. The world health organization is sounding a note of caution that people stop wearing masks social distancing and taking other precautions cases could increase rapidly in overburden health systems. This as they're trying to prepare for vaccine distribution and in many parts of the world right now including the united states. who's head of emergencies. Mike ryan says cases are surging dangerously high right now. We have got to take the heat out of this transmission. In order that those health systems can cope. He says vaccines will be a powerful tool against the virus. But vaccines alone. Won't stop the pandemic anytime soon. Jason bobi on npr news five counties in the san francisco bay area have issued. Stay at home orders to prevent hospitals from being overwhelmed by coronavirus patients during the current. Surge the orders. Go into effect for most of the area sunday night and will last through january fourth from member station k. q. e. d. raquel maria dylan reports the shutdown orders mean bay area counties are moving faster than the state to halt activities that might spread the virus but public health officials. Say they're necessary to keep hospitals from being flooded with covid patients the orders ban gatherings of any size with people from different households even if they're outdoors or small group berkeley's public health officer. Dr lisa hernandez if you have a social bubble it is now popped. The orders mean restaurants can only offer takeout and bars salons play. Grounds must close retail stores and shopping centers can operate with just twenty percent customer capacity for npr news. I'm racquel maria dylan in oakland georgia residents who want to vote. In the january fifth senate runoff elections must be registered by monday as a meal moffitt of member station w. a. b. e. in atlanta reports republicans need to keep at least one of the two seats up for grabs in order to retain control of the us. Senate soloing president elect. Joe biden's win in georgia. Democrats hope momentum is on their side with raphael warnock. And jon ossoff trying to unseat republicans leffler and david purdue georgia saw record turnout in the november election with nearly five million votes cast. But the secretary of state's office is warning against people from out of state. Trying to relocate to georgia for the sole purpose of voting which is against the law. More than a million absentee ballots have been requested. A runoff fire crews in southern california. Continue their efforts to contain a number of blazes south and east of los angeles. The biggest fire in orange county silverado canyon is just ten percent contained fire danger in the air yet remains high. You're listening to npr news. Brexit talks have broken off with less than a month to go before an agreement should be in place. A no deal. Outcome will mean tough trade barriers between the european union and britain. Starting on january first teri schultz reports. The two negotiators issued a joint statement saying they're suspending their efforts after a week of intense negotiations because conditions for an agreement between the european union and the uk are not met. there are still significant divergences. According to my show barney david frost on the same topics that have hamstrung progress for many months. E you fishing rights in uk waters rules to make sure conditions are the same on both sides. And how will the sides be held to account if they don't follow the rules. European commission president ursula von delay and british prime minister. Boris johnson are due to speak saturday to decide what happens next for npr news. I'm teri schultz in brussels in cryptic statement released on twitter the f. b. i. is asking anyone who underwent a corona virus tested a new jersey laboratory to be retested as soon as possible. The statement also said that anyone who received a finger prick blood test at the infinity diagnostic laboratory inventor should contact a victim assistance unit at the agency. No details were given as to why the action should be taken. Kansas governor laura. Kelly says her stay considers grocery store and meat packing plant workers to be essential workers. That means they'll receive a corona virus vaccine when one becomes available along with first responders. The state has said. Healthcare workers will be first in line for the vaccine. A number of outbreaks have been traced to meat packing plants across the country. Ideal woman npr news.

npr dale willman jason bobi world health organization Jason bobi raquel maria dylan georgia Dr lisa hernandez npr news maria dylan Mike ryan raphael warnock jon ossoff teri schultz david purdue uk Senate san francisco bay twenty percent leffler
This Episode Is So Major

The Outcast

35:18 min | 1 year ago

This Episode Is So Major

"Dear h._i._v. It's me science. I didn't give up while there's no cure. There are treatment options and sticking daily treatment helps people get to and stay undetectable which means so little h._i._v. It can't be measured by a lab test and the c._d._c. states that staying undetectable means. There's effectively no risk of transmitting h._i._v. Through sex echo echo science people living with hiv should talk to a healthcare professional learned about a treatment option at x. Oh x science dot com sponsored by gilead sciences. Hello and welcome back to the outcast. We've got a great show for you today but before we get to that a special announcement bittersweet bittersweet li i announced that i'm moving on from out magazine as the deputy editor join netflix brand and editorial team. We're all be running. Some queer things over there. You can follow my journey out friends. Squish go on twitter and instagram but more importantly. I'd love to introduce you to our glorious. New host of the outcast rose donahue tom you rose. Hello life angela. How's it going crazy. I'm very sad that you're leaving obviously but <hes> this really saved me at the labor of making a coup at some point right. I was to me from podcast out. There was to me it. It's gonna be there was gonna be a mutiny now. It's just instead become a very seamless transition of course grass rose. What's like one thing our listeners owners should know or what are some things that our listeners should know about <hes> well. My name's rose dom. You and i'm a staff writer at out. I largely like to look at pop culture from a queer perspective. I have not yet been cancelled so here's to y'all looking at you. You may be potentially cancel this. If anything is the challenge that i'm lobbying at our listeners wonderful and without further ado let's get to the episode today. I'll be in conversation with raquel willis executive editor and will here's some clips with her interview with the legendary trans activist. I miss major from the stonewall era truly to legends in conversation. I mean we also are legends. The two of us so so we're to legends ends and conversation about two legends and conversation about two legends and conversation perfect. Thank you for providing the layers. I'm so excited altruism. Let's get to the interview in the studio. We have miss raquel willis in activist a bonafide southern southern bell and executive editor of out magazine welcome to the studio cal. Thank you for having me fran. Exciting of course repel four are february issue which was the first magazine and outs history to be written photograph by style by and featuring exclusively women and non binary thumbs uh-huh are covergirl was the one and only miss major a stonewall era activist who kind of paved the way for the modern cra movement and on that note. Let's go to the interview. This was on the set of our cover shoot for the february issue so you might hear a little bit of background noise but let's hear miss major her in her own words five my chance to community my black girls of color first and then everybody else so that we get treated fairly and get the respected. We're due for who we are. I love the way miss major puts things for talla. Can you tell us that a little bit about major and what her body of work was like yes so miss. Miss major is really are living legend. When we think of black trans women we often talk about sylvia rivera's work we often talk about marsha p johnson's work and unfortunately they're not with us but with miss major we do a great miss service or or a disservice. I should say when we don't acknowledge how powerful powerful she has been in the movement as well so she was present during the stonewall riots. She was actually arrested. They are and suffered some injuries stories so it was a really tumultuous time for her but she continued through. Let's listen to your interview on that one. We hooked over by the bus station on on on aid avenues. When i met sylvia i happen to be with friends and go to the village and asking. I met her in talking with her. Got me aware of. I'm trying to fight back and to get back at help. You know what i mean and so they started doing standing there with my girls uptown. Who who when we went out hooking i would try to keep them together and a lot of her work continued to be about how to get access for trans women of of color particularly ones who have been incarcerated when it comes to housing or it comes to healthcare or it comes to employment and so through the sixties and seventies and all the way up and so present day. She really has worked around the country but her legacy agassi lives in the work that she did in founding t._g._i. J._p. so the transgender gender variant intersex justice project based in san francisco enciso and so they are she has really moved a lot of important work and build up a new generation of trans engineer non-conforming leaders to to fight for those who are incarcerated so they do amazing organizing work as far as prison nights so making sure that people who are on the inside know that they have a family know that they have a community of people who are living and fighting for them and to the effect of what ms major said but got me into the work was losing a couple the very dear france when i was younger in new york back in nineteen sixty seven sixty eight they were murdered by someone who knew them and the police didn't in care they weren't interested in what the community saw thought had happened and it never got solved and i decided then that the girls and i had to stick together because rather we have you know and work in the streets together. We've formed bonds and connect to one another and needed to look out of each other other because tricks are assholes and we had to protect ourselves from them and so i'll got the girls to write down license plate numbers and pay attention to what car car we saw our friends get in in case he didn't come back and they do important work around re entry for transgender non conforming people coming out of the prison industrial complex so her work is so expansive and she hasn't stopped. I mean now. She is close to eighty years old and so so she is starting a new project called the house of g._d. Which is a retreat and recreational center that she really wants to become a space for four trans women of color in particular but her trans family in general where we can relax and we can also move more of that important work that needs to happen for our community so now she's based in little rock arkansas which is where the house of jesus is being founded and she is continuing that work and such an inspiration since all of us right and i love what miss major had to say about that right now. I'm fighting to get the house of gee-gee started in little rock arkansas to create and as for my community to come to and learn from and learn how to negotiate through this bullshit society those of us give us a respite get get our nerves together. Socialize share with one another create a sense of family so that we know that we're all interconnected despite all the drama over while oh i don't like her because she's had work done on that curb. She's got a pussy now and on her. She's too tall and she's too dark and all that bullshit. Let go of all their because s family family. We're going to have those squabbles but to realize that at the core when you fuck with one of us you fucking with all of us. I know that she has actually been a particular inspiration braces to you and your organizing work as well and you've met major a few times before this interview right yes so i remember the first time i met her was in two thousand fourteen. I was still so new to this national network of l._g._b._t._q. Plus activism and advocacy and she was service so sweet. When you're around her i mean she's magnetic and she will give you the truth. We'll read you. Have you need to be read and she has never ever had an issue reading the way the power moved in our community and so she is such a truth teller and soothsayer and she inspires me every day so when when i first met her we took a quick picture i just want it to be like how normally another iconic black trans woman is on the cover with major far february issue issue at out i just wanted to be like her at major feed and dislike soaking up her brilliant and with them and i knew that for anybody who has never met major or heard occurred of her work she has a very particular way of talking and a very particular means is like truth telling under somebody's foot all the time someone needs. He's come up and moved at mother. Fucker off your neck. What were your first impressions of like her personality. Just like the way she talks the way she moves into space. See she is just the complex figure i think when it comes to her people when they come to queer and trans people particularly of color but also the youth with she is just so encouraging and really believes in the power that we also create you know on her shoulders right on the shoulders of the worked her peer to move forward that was apparent. I mean she is so loving and warm and i've also seen her. Hold people accountable so this is another time i saw her. She gave a speech at creating chains which is hosted by the national l._g._b._t._q. Task force each year. She gave a speech because she was getting an award in washington d._c. And twenty eighteen and she brought all of the black trans woman who were they are on stage with her just kind of like like standing up there beside her kind of this this like wall right this wall of resistance and she was like this award is great and all but my sisters i and my daughters are still dying and still fighting for their lives every day and i was so taken by decades into her work continues to hold hold the powerbrokers our community accountable. Let's listen to the tape on that one. You can kill the person but you can't kill an idea you know what i mean and so the idea of doing something for specifically my group of people who i was the part of <hes> got got it to my heart and my head and get got me going you know especially those within the community even like an organization like the task force which preliminarily preliminarily did not necessarily include chance people when it first launched its advocacy. I also know that when it comes to other organizations and how major and other activists like her came into the movement it was not just with movement it was criticism of the movement itself and how it worked and to your point the power that existed with an app on that note. Let's cut cut to the interview not knowing that much better honestly if we were we wouldn't have to be going through all this shit dude was going to and we wouldn't still being murdered and beaten up and taken advantage of and ignored and tread upon by everybody. How has major influence your work personally you. You are an activist. You've been working on the ground for almost a decade. What has major meant to your work when you follow in her footsteps. It's so wild to hear almost most of the decade. I feel like the work in a lot of ways that i have done. It has just kind of happened organically because i've had a powerful and important gordon support system and community around me. I am so inspired by miss major because she never lets us forget that she isn't alone that she is. It's just one person in a movement and yes her work has powerful and amazing an-and exists in the rich tapestry of all these other ways in woods clear and trans the people have been resisting for decades the best thing we can do as activist in any movement no matter what you think you're doing is taking cure yourself when the bull shit happens because data sustain you adam been doing this for fifty years. 'cause i had nothing better to do or because. I have some super fucking woman. I'm just another person china. Make a bit of a my community so i really take that to heart. I always think about the people that i was organizing with the university of georgia when i was a college student and then when i feel like i became a lot more radicalized around racial injustice and around the injustices the happens from the state and from our government and the prison industrial complex so all of my organizing family and atlanta the black and brown trans ends women who really are doing a lot of powerful work that continues to be overloads so i think with myth major being inspired by her and understanding that i'm just one person in the movement and also that i have a responsibility to lift up my trans and g._n._c. sisters brothers. There's unsettling every chance that i get you got to deal with the people on the ground. You have to get dirty yet to get in there and meet people where they are ads and you can't assume things about people because of their lifestyle or their living situation because all of us deserve a chance and we all to start out with the same clean slate and society puts all this shit on us and the purchase on us whether you're tall or short or heavier fatter pass buller pretty cute and doing the work you have to get past saw that and when you love somebody that has been you wanna take them home and fuck them. It means that you care about who they are. You care about their lifestyle that they get a chance to live a comfortable life a safe life and the life that they choose not the lighter you the deal you're going to choose for them and to that effect having major on the cover of out magazine which was something i i think the staff was thinking about excited by since the first time our new team came into office has big impact on what the movement meant should look like and continues to work for and strive for what did that mean to you. It meant so much i mean my heart was so full just being on sad because because it was my second week on the job at out but obviously we had been having these conversations the out team and and even before coming in about this issue and how important it was for us to put our freedom fighters front and center and then i mean it was elevated even more right because we had the brilliant lens of janet senate mark gusts editing for the issue and so it all kind of came together and then when we were on sad in brooklyn and it was miss major are but it was also barbara smith this iconic black lesbian feminist scholar and activist and lisa garza of black lives matter right and charlene carruthers and tore me and it just felt like all of the stars were aligning and this is exactly the kind of insurance insurance. I wanted to make it this magazine riot. I wanted it to be clear that our team was going to be invested and committed to putting the narrative narrative friends center that have for so long been overlooked a race or specifically pushed aside and so it was powerful. I mean i it just felt amazing playing and i at that moment. I remember saying to fill picardy of our e._s._e. This will probably be my favorite suit that we ever do out and it's so funny that it's our first one so i think that still reigns true that magic that was created on sat being able to put our freedom fighters and glam uh-huh and capture them in all of what makes them regal an powerful is so important and what should have been happening all along right it should have been happening and the twenty seven year history of the publication exactly. I wanna be remember trying to make it better. 'cause it's not about me. It's about you all. It's about enjoying your youth and getting a chance to age gracefully and have a sense of peace. You know so that that's not worrisome. You know that you don't have to go home and lock. It done made it home today. You know what i mean to get home safely. Be out in venture out tapie thing yeah. I just wanna be bitch to try to make it right to me so oh thank you for stopping by the outcast like hell. If you have not already you can go and read the full feature which has multiple stories on out dot dot com for the mothers and the daughters of the movement in our february issue. Thanks for coming. Thanks for having me. I'm excited still it. We'll be right back with your favorite segment the weekend gay were all be talking about the little women trailer timothy shallow may of course in a new policy from i._m._d._b. Be that is maybe not so much a policy. Hey frank writing a letter yep. We're scientists. Marie and it's time we put h._i._v. Officially on noticed there's no cure but science has created powerful medicines that can help fight the h._i._v. Virus is true. Today's treatments can help reduce the amount of virus in the blood to undetectable ah level so low. It can't be measured in a lab test right according to the c._d._c. When people stick nick to treatment and stay undetectable it means. There's effectively no risk of passing on h._i._v. Through sex and that's why i'm writing. This is bigger than a letter frank. You're you're right. Let's put this up on. Billboards and bus stops for everyone to see. I like it here. Type this up dear h._i._v. We didn't give up but you should should hat sign it exo exo science like hugs and kisses from science nice p._s. People living with h._i._v. should talk to a health care professional. Learn about a treatment option at exo exo science dot com sponsored by gilead sciences. Welcome back to the week enga- or wig for short where we digest digest the week's news joining me in the studio a half the ineffable rose dom you thank you for coming into the studio. What's cracking. I am super excited about what's on this week i up. We have some news about the bachelor ish news news issue and i don't watch the bachelor. I like. I'll leave to you to describe this story yeah. I'm sure all of our listeners are really shook that in a weakened gay segment. We're talking about the bachelor's bachelor's. Maybe the straightest it s reality tv show on television really could not be more heterosexual but the bachelor did recently introduce the franchises first ever ever queer contestant on bachelor in paradise demi burnett who described himself on twitter as a queer clean. Oh five oh wow yes. We bow down. Yes we do we we have we're thinking about standing. We're entertaining the idea of stankovic yeah so chris harrison who who is the longtime host of the bachelor was in an interview with the hollywood reporter was talking about <hes> demi being on the show was saying saying that the new modern evolved version of the bachelor <hes> decided to lean into this exploration ration- of her identity whereas a couple of years ago they might have just sent her home right <hes> but then he was asked if he thought that the show might in the future introduce a queer or mature contestant because being queer and being older like just a socially unacceptable right and he was not optimistic about it. He said that <hes> the bachelor doesn't create and drive social. The issues were a microcosm of what's happening in the world so i guess being queer is too much of a social issue for straight people to care about while and i just loved that it's just conflated with the experience of being a person of a certain age. That's allowed to be like one. We're never going to have an oldie or homo on this never they. Can you imagine a trans person. I mean well. What was that the the world's first kind of trans rallies recently died with a trance version of the bachelor. The happened bend in spain but that was a show that was largely problematic and everyone hated right because they trick to the contestant right at the end they the ones that the match was has made the the bachelorette revealed that she was right because transpeople all we care about is tricking people into thinking right exactly exactly yes. I'm so glad you got that right but anyways we're we're all devastated by the news that the bachelor will not get a dozen. We're all holding on yeah. I was hoping that you were going to be the the next bachelorette. Oh my god allah the most that could not be more of a disaster but but just chris harrison not think that queer people can like be on t._v. T._v. show hooking up and like creating drama. I mean has been watching this season of. Are you the one oh my god. I have not however been editing all the recaps so so i feel like i've been watching you watching by proxy by proxy and i let me tell you i love mass. I love i love i love messy queer sluts and and honestly the bachelor show too yeah truly so you know take take a page out of the army the ones book bachelor yes suck on that so next up <hes> we have a pretty confusing story not gonna lie. We read about how i._m._d._b. Made recent policy also changes to <hes> quote unquote kind of cease. The dead naming of trans actors creators show runners screenwriters. That's what have you we thought transpeople would be credited by their names their actual name not the names they were given birth. <hes> upon further inspection of this this policy change in quotes. We found that it wasn't really that progressive at all. The new policy allows for quote unquote the removal of birth names if the birth name is not broadly publicly known and the person at no longer voluntarily uses that birth name but then they will have to remove that birth name aim by basically filing a report with an m._d. Customer support staff member and then i am db will decide whether or not they you get to keep keep your own name which is wild and then the statement goes on to say this is in order to continue providing hundreds of millions of customers worldwide with comprehensive information information about film and t._v. Credits thereby preserving the factual historical record by accurately reflecting what is listed on screen right because what we were really concerned about when it comes to the the website whose greatest achievement is telling us which episode of the vampire slayer wentworth miller guest starred in historical factual accuracy and let me tell you it was season to go fish episode where zander becomes a fish monster when he's on the swim team so take that i._m._d._b. M._g._b. to look it up oh my god it's really wild like the language and the whole statement was immediately defense of it. It was just kind of like yeah like this isn't like a real policy changed so like let me tell you <hes> like we we still will be the gatekeepers of this day right and also the kicker is not only do they get to force people to go through this process where they have to defend their own desire to not be dead. May while people's goals correct names will be listed on their personal pages. The pages for the movies and television shows that they were in will still show the name that they were credited credited as at the time to preserve accuracy right which is crazy hair so how does that. How is this helpful like. Of course we can be in charge of our own personal like it's just wild like the all we need is for historical record to be to adhere to like the names of these actual all people that actual lived experiences are this isn't something that i._m._d._b. Just decided to do this is the result of a campaign by the national national l._g._b._t. Task force the transgender legal defense fund glad and a bunch of other organizations have been demanding that i._m._d._b. Does this and so now this is really more than anything just a concession to that yeah and they're not even fully conceding and i mean the thing that the thing that it comes down to is they. They're talking talking about how they need to preserve this. <hes> you know historical accuracy but really who cares if a person changes their name. That's that's their name. Why do you need to list the name that they used to go by exactly like i already know that val kilmer row fines michelle pfeiffer sandra bullock and jeff goldblum. We're all in the prince of egypt movie like i know that already i don't need m._d. I._m._d._b. Is essentially irrelevant now that we know that we also know that hank azzaria azzaria play bartok the bat in anesthesia the the the non disney cartoon so why would we ever need to know anything else did you. We know that young anesthesia was played by kristen dunce but young anesthesia singing voice was played by gretchen wieners from mean girls okay so why didn't gretchen wieners saying in well. I guess she did sing in mean girls when they sang jingle bell rock but she should have had like a whole solo moment she definitely should have. They should have cultivated that her so like work on that. I am db like so. This is so i mean this is just more of institutions you know creating all of these hoops for for trans people to jump through just then at the end of all the jumping through the hoops we're still going to be dead named and triggered and misrepresented and because the thing is like especially for people who have large public platforms if they're old names are available on a place like i._m._d._b. Db that means that you know trolls can use it as a way to harass them and it. Could you know hurt them professionally or personally so this announcement that ah i'm debbie is making is really. It's not it's not news. No it's not and it's disappointing to the point that you made in the piece itself like it's already such a triggering bureaucratic socratic process like they're making it more difficult <hes> just for a chance persons every day having getting your name changed legally is so annoying takes so long and one of the things that you have to do when you get your name changed as you have to <hes> publish it <hes> in like a newspaper or something to to say this person is now becoming this personal but <hes> there there are circumstances where you can if you can make a case that that publishing that name would be harmful to you than you can bypass it and so that's why something like this just feels so this like whole system the i._m._d._b. Created feels really like antiquated out of touch and and it just isn't isn't what we were asking for right. It's almost just as harmful as when it started and also we shouldn't have had to ask for it. Why why does i._m._d._b. Have to be this like paragons of of accuracy. Why can't you just change your fucking name exactly on slightly less frustrating news <hes> rose. We have a trailer for the little women oh my god. My nipples just hurt my god. I'm so happy i'm so excited. <hes> this movie uvi is stacked with legends so we have <hes> sorta ronin as joe marsh. We have <hes> emma watson as the elder sister. We have meryl streep. We have laura dern and timothy shallow. May how do you present timothy timothy. Timothy shallow may just i just the way it sound if you say it three times than the nearest wink lose as a chest hair right exactly exactly and let me let me tell you tweak realness with served in this trailer. Oh my god i mean this. Honestly this trailer was essentially like like like <hes> a shortcut of a bellamy porn that you would see on x. two right right before all of the sex happen yeah it was it was the part leading up to the store. It's the plot of a bellamy porn. Exactly this is what source of ronin signed yes sir show. Ronin is the new in front of my salad girls. This is amazing because emma stone was originally signed on to be on the movie and then replaced by emma watson. Emma stone actually is a right in front of solid girl the s._n._l. Sketch with time mitchell. That's true you fun. Fact emma stone also dropped out of little women so that she could do the favourite press tour during which she was interviewed by one rose. Gosh where you looked like like little sisters who was crazy to conic redheads literally any actually by being a redhead you. I mean i would support that. You looked great but the blondes fall. The era of the blonde is as good as well <hes> but yeah <hes>. I am here for this movie. It is going to shake her christmases so i mean i know that i will be there christmas day i will be i will be like douched and ready. I'm so ready for another all all white. All all a hetero adaptation of little women also don't know why we needed another adaptation of little women because the nineties indies one starring winona ryder is perfect. It's so good so good but if anyone was going to do it i guess you know. Greta gerwig can put her whole little like whatever flair on the trailer was like so greta gerwig right it really was and it just looked like a deleted scene from lady bird and you know there was is a little bit of press that you reported on earlier this year. We're greta gerwig said that her reading of joe could have been kind of queer. I dunno if that means that the crans would show up in the molik. She thinks the joe's lesbian yeah. She's i thought you were joe ends up with a man at the end right but she was saying she's like a tomboy. Maybe co hosted a little weird <hes> yeah yeah. I didn't read the book so you've never read little women now. Have you ever oh. There's also a broadway musical. <hes> starring sutton and foster was like it was like <hes> when i was in high school so you know like early two thousands i remember listening to the soundtrack on repeat and my my volvo station wagon way to rehearsal. Wow that's amazing. It's not a very it was not very good musical but but <hes> there joe does have a really great <hes> i closing number oh well this is going to be a full circle moment when you are alone and douched on christmas and also so when i show up to that press junk honey to interview timothy and his publicist stops me up the door with the print out of all my tweet him because because they did the very basic due diligence searching rose at rose donahue timothy charlotte man and a lot of really bad stuff comes very pornographic material followed quickly by a restraining order. You know what if if the closest i ever get timothy is a restraining order with both of our names on it. I'm fine with that. That's good as marriage. I mean that's as good as career marriage binding legal contract well <hes> well rose. Let me tell you this. Podcast is about to get a whole lot more inappropriate with you at the helm of a lot more cancelable. Yes absolutely okay so keep your fingers on the pulse of this podcast figure out what you can be mad about. Keep your fingers in the ass. In this episode of the outcast is a production of out magazine iheartradio. You can find the coming being straight for this week's episode on out dot com written by raquel willis. I'm your host french rata. The outcasts produced by michelle lands nikki tour and myself. The episode was edited by josh fisher with editorial oversight from philip cardi and myself editorial assistance from like the diner music written by ms white and produced by theo shire special thanks to rose dom immune jeffrey masters and julian weller. The outcast is executive produced by mahesh ticket or you can find out on social media at magazine me at friends squish go. Thanks thanks for listening to the outcast tune in every thursday and we will see you next week they and deer h._i._v. It's me eh science. I didn't give up while there's no cure. There are treatment options and sticking to daily treatment helps. People get to and stay undetectable which means so little h._i._v. h._i._v. It can't be measured by a lab test and the c._d._c. states that staying undetectable means. There's effectively no risk of transmitting h._i._v. Through sex echo echo science. It's people living with h._i._v. Should talk to a healthcare professional. Learn about a treatment option at x o x science dot com sponsored by gilead sciences.

gilead sciences joe marsh timothy timothy raquel willis timothy shallow rose donahue twitter chris harrison emma stone emma watson Greta gerwig sylvia rivera little rock arkansas netflix executive editor deputy editor staff writer bellamy