1 Episode results for "Pillowcase Cape"

161. Peppermint

QUEERY with Cameron Esposito

1:03:01 hr | 4 months ago

161. Peppermint

"Right now on Ear Wolf, you're cordially invited to the wedding of Shaquille O'Neal on the kingdom on stitcher premium. Tequila is preparing for his wedding and Edgar, is trying to stop it for more fall at your wolf on social media happy listening. Hey Crows Cami here if you want to listen to query without ads, the only way to do that is by signing up for stitcher premium just go to stitcher premium dot com or the premium tab in your stitcher APP and sign up with the Promo Code. Query to try a free month of premium listening you get. Ad Free Listening to query and all your favorite, your wolf stitcher shows and your premium subscription supports me and the show directly to that's stitcher premium dot Com Promo Code Query for free month of premium listening. Thanks. This is a show about individual experience and personal identity. There may be times when folks US identifying words or phrases that don't feel right to you. That's part of what we're exploring here. Please listen with an open heart and as always I welcome your plate engage feedback and I encourage you to continue the conversation in your own life and with your own community. Welcome to query. Hey Queiroz giving here. This week's episode of the PODCAST is a chat with the amazing Heiferman. You might know her from route Paul's drag race choose a delight to talk to a degree conversation, and also I'm super excited to say that like hundreds of people were at my I stand plus dynasty typewriter I've got another one this Sunday and all of them can be. Purchased individually for Thirty Bucks what I love about this class is that it is directly keeping a venues doors open you know for live venues. This is a time when it's hard to even figure out what you can offer. Some restaurants can be opt to take out options and for venues it really is these digital shows and classes that benefit to keep them alive you. Know and I love the live venues where I perform and also for comics you know a lot of us need to or want to cut out the middleman and don't necessarily want to work with a venue if we can do it ourselves, you know streaming from our homes especially if this is what the income we rely upon. So I, just WANNA say that it's been wonderful to be able to partner with dynasty and a lot of that is because of you, the listeners on this show have donated when I've done live shows and you've backed this class and that helps me to be able to do the small part I can to keep these venues open. You can find out more information about that dynasty typewriter, dot com it's More Sundays the twenty fifth and first of November, and it's at two PM Pacific. It's just to stand up for anybody that wants to learn about Sanda. Dewi. Enjoy the episode. Feeling. No. No careless. I start by having guests introduced themselves would you introduce yourself? Absolutely. Hey everyone I m peppermint and I am. A. Citizen of the, world. You know what? We haven't had that intrigue yet. That's the of those intros. How how is your energy rejoining us after having already been at another? Some sort of virtual event today. Yeah. How is your work going right now? Are you finding that you're able to work in these times? I'm doing a lot of work, but it's not necessarily. I found I found myself in in in the wake of. Summer Twenty Twenty doing a lot of the the work that Folks like US often do I'm to enlightened people or at least an. Open, the door on our experiences to help bridge a lot of those gaps and so there's a lot of conversations taking place this summer in light of everything that's been going on, I would be a lamb with protests translates matter. with with pride you know you know over the summer taking on it obviously and much needed different kind of feeling than it had and so. I was I was I've been engaged in a lot of those conversations and I have been able to. Have a couple of. Moments here, and there I did a a drag show or to myself I have an album that I produced and I'm going to be releasing next month and so there's little things like that. I would be I would totally be lined. I said Oh this is just Like, last year and it's totally a great substitute. Yeah I mean first of all congresswoman album and second of all the candor I think that that's that makes a lot of sense to me I guess. have been seeing a lot of drag performers transition to like a more virtual space but mine used to I mean I've I've done stand up in a virtual space as well it is. It's doable but it is totally bonkers also you know like it's not it's Doable. On doing drag. Virtual. How does that? It's it's literally I. Don't know. I mean obviously there's some some a little bit of an essence of stand up comedy for other lives like drag performance Look. It's like you can. It's it's just ego blasting because. Five drag show at a concert or at a venue where it sold out, you're in it for the minute you hit the stage like this going to i. mean you know everybody has bombs every once in a while but for the most part, if you know your stick and you know your routine and you know yourself, it's GonNa go great. They'RE GONNA love. It can be very happy. They came for a drag show that's what they're getting. In you know there's so many things that can bust up the energy and be like you know total buzz kills in the in the era of zoom drag shows you know like the Internet going round wrong. People are like what's the link? I can't get in you know all that's up and then you're doing the show and you're like doing lip synching that like you know Madonna are Donna Summer Song and you realize when your neighbors are banging on the floor which is. Sealing your floor. The Hell Up, and then all of a sudden you're just as somebody in your living room dancing around. You know and you're like Oh. Gosh. What am I doing? There's one. I got to stop this. Before you hopped on, that's what I was talking to about the with producers my. My girlfriend has like a normal. She works in publishing she like works in and so she's on meetings all day but they're like you know business meetings, but then I will be like within earshot. Doing whatever it is podcasting like fully show there's like taiga like nobody actually wants to hear a full hour of stand up by accident led by. Choice that's that's. That's not I. Know it's not. There's this thing in standard called hijack shows, which is essentially where you're performing in the middle of a bar and. Bar Patrons don't know there's GonNa be a show. It's like everybody's having time, and then suddenly a stand up show starts. or it's always terrible for everyone and that's what all of twenty twenty feels like is like. From within my own home. Yeah Well I also would say I mean. For you, there's also a different amount of effort going on in terms of crap. Before show which I would imagine maybe it's harder to feel like. One would want to do if you're just GONNA be like in your own living room. but maybe that's not true. Sir I mean there is a certain amount of prep that I mean there's A. Specific. Amount of that has to take place. I don't WanNa make it's not like the easy. Especially now that sort of the the. The pressure and the owners of being the technical person director the you know all that stuff is on our shoulders whereas before I was in a position. I I should preface it by saying I believe that drag entertainers are some of the true renaissance people because many of us, not all of us but many dragon retainers do their own, their own makeup, their own music editing, their own on PR, their own you know own costumes make our costumes. You know they have bring our fashion background into it. They have to figure out how to be a standup comic, and then if they're doing impersonations, they have to beat do character study like all of these technical things go into and so that's that's enough and now I'm the it tack you know Never Forget this summer. And I now not running and I'm so sorry, this was not the attitude that carried into our. Conversation today but a month ago I was sitting down for a very important conversation with a bunch of other folks and we were having this conversation about a black transnet and everything, and then my internet. Stop stopped and gave out which was in the next all the way, the other entity apartment and I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I, have to get into I have to go Switzer Internet and get back into this conversation. So I ran from one of the apartment all the way to the other and did you don't you know because I had already done a show I think the night before something and I did a full slide down the hall on a Silk Cape? CAPE. Not. Robe. Not. Pillowcase Cape. Down the hall and I fell and I tore my meniscus apparently own no. The doctor after having the MRI. A few weeks later and I and I but. The dedicated personnel I am I crawl to that Internet box retailer it while I was crying thrown all the way back down the hall crawled up onto this chair. and. Went back into the zoom and continued like nothing ever happened. I was like, I, mean I was in pain. But my girlfriend who was also on the call is that I didn't even know it happened. We thought you left and came back which happens all the time when somebody's Internet drops and so yeah that just let me know okay I'm suffering I've heard of suffering for your art, but this is like a whole new. I also just have to stay for the listeners the I have torn meniscus twice I had two surgeries for this and should I get surgery? It isn't credit for small the entire present I. Just WanNa say in your clip is incredibly painful peppermint. But the tear that. Yes. Got Really Hurts. That is very painful and it gives you a strangely sized me. It really does Oh my God. My knee many becomes weird size. I don't know if I had a couple of we'll talk about act like yours are like A. Like a through medical pros and cons on. But mine was not. Tripping on a Cell Cape, and that's one of my biggest problems in life. So I, still think there's your badge is a badge of honor. Yeah. Well, I also want to ask you about like this pivot that you're talking about because. I'm just it's you know. For me the type of stand up that I do I've always crossed into. Like I think other people would call it political but I'm just like well, this is just I don't know what this is personal and my personal is political. But I don't know what that is like for you in terms of this change tapping. Where you're like an IT professional now. So there's there's this change happening in performance, but then also Being on panels where you're being asked to speak about. Larger social systemic issues is that something that feels? Like what you were prepped to do you know like like you were you were Hoping to step into that or is that something that just happened gradually? I think it's just like what you described He all of a sudden I'm having these conversations with people who are scholars in this social arts. And and I've and I actually feel confident that the experiences that I have qualifying me or at least equipped me to be in to participate in conversations and. I, remember you know. I've always had as a drag performer. I've always. It it was. I don't know what it was. Maybe it's just the fact that I witnessed what I witnessed in the nineties at connected to drag performers and when I moved to New York City. And you know obviously AIDS and HIV web and still live but was was that was a huge thing we were dealing with than And it was ravishing the community obviously and drag entertainers were doing their part as they when they could and lot of times bringing that conversation into into the show and so that Kinda rubbed off on me and I always just thought that. Drag entertainment should be political should involve the those things if it's not then I, feel like you're kind of working against your like actually trying to. Stifle and energy that just naturally exists in draft performance. That's that's my opinion and so. That was always a being involved in charity and speaking out on behalf with you know on issues that I thought were important to the community always part of my sort of performance style and what I was doing publicly but then it wasn't until I read A book, a transgender history, my think price Susan Stryker who basically said. Queer people. In this country and in this world that we're in Warren Willing one world. You know. We are inherently more political. You know people have you belong to a marginalized and oppressed groups are going to be more political because they are you know people are working against them being in public and so having to speak out you know for your rights so that you can sit in on the bus or use the bathroom are basic things but that's what we're doing and so then it was kind of dawned on me as like okay. Then I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. So let's keep doing it. That's pretty beautiful actually. I gotTa say, how does it feel? How does it feel today for you? In the drag community I don't know that vibrate now for you. I think specifically asking about in I'm like I'm not in the community. So this is my outsider perspective is like that it is assist dominated community and Yeah Nassar Right. So I, remember. I remember like the sort of bunch of articles or. Hot. Takes that were happening. Around your participation in the community a few years ago. I think that's a few years ago but I don't know what it is like you today. Well it's much less. Polarizing. I. Think at least from where I stand. and. There was always like. Coming up in the edge drag toddler makes that sounds weird. A young dragster whatever I'm toddler makes several young on your deal that makes maybe you never. Yells, but I only taught will on hills so anyway. As I as a you know growing. Coming up in the drag world I'm. I remember seeing. These amazing drag performers and many of whom were trans and so the there there wasn't really a distinction for me. I can't say it wasn't a distinction, but there wasn't a separation There were always trans performers in the drank world's when I was growing up. many of them were like called. You. This is not politically correct folks. So please no one learn and take from this just learn it and keep it we we were called them Titi Queens, and those were the drag Queens who had had breast enhancements right and so. I. Don't know what the difference is between a so-called td Queen, and a Trans woman during drag I don't know. other than. Back, then many of those girls who were self described Titi Queens were also describing themselves as men who drag, but I have breast implants. I think. It's closer to where I said like I think that that is in the Trans Umbrella, but I can't speak for those people. That allowed people to Kinda like get become comfortable with the idea of those folks doing drag obviously Whereas when I was doing watching drag race and then doing drag race there really wasn't a lot of conversation around the Trans, people and the gender non conforming the non binary people who were also doing track and so. I certainly didn't see that in a lot of the seasons. I. Mean. Of course there were there were trans women who were associated with shows came out on the Union. Monica Beverley Hills came out in her episode ripe for the. Eliminator and so there were other transports on the show obviously. But just like the whole transnet, their translates was something that was seemed seen. The the conversation about their chances was as if they're transmits was a hindrance to them doing drag you know. Yeah and so that was a completely different context for me and I was like I'm not doing that. I'm going to go ahead and zoom. It and they're worse than some really. There was all kinds of red eye peeped a few read it ages or whatever those things are. Now where yeah I was like. Oh. My and some some of the vitriol was coming from folks who were like. Drag. Supporters are who they were, and then some of them were coming from people who are self described transpeople or whenever to an end of the conversation that like I don't think a trans woman should do this or a drag queen shouldn't do that or Blah Blah Blah Blah. Blah. and so a lot of that was really difficult for me and. I'm insulated from that. Now I don't know if I'm just not checking for I don't care or like I'm I'm I'm I spend a lot less time trying to justify my? Existence in the spaces that I know that I'm making a contribution to. You know yeah I mean well, first of all, glad to hear that that is better for you I would I would really want that for you. So I'm glad to hear that that's true. Maybe. Some of that is also I wonder if it's you know I think I use the word takes deliberately because I do think that like a lot of times specifically around identity even within the queer community where I think for some reason, we sometimes think we don't have this going on especially since white people think this. But I think that I think that yeah, I think we can get kind of lake take obsessed. Pretty Pretty? into the idea of having an opinion on somebody I mean it's certainly what like An. Unnamed author of a certain wizard concert series is doing right now like really narrow aches. And I. I think that. What happens is that eventually? That stops being as interesting I. mean you know on a particular does not mean that the underlying stomach issue goes away but So maybe people it's like what? You'RE GONNA. Say the same thing he said last year I continue to exist so. I think that's all. Yeah heartache. Connected to cancel culture like do you think that is what feels canceled culture people like self indulgence with their takes Oh. Man. I mean I don't know. I feel like I have a lot of opposing views about canceled culture I'd really like to hear what you think about it to me too. I have a lot of opposing views because part of it is like you know doing the job that I've done for as long as I have like I have gotten feedback for the entirety of my career. About like using better language being more inclusive like in the queer community. I hear from people all all the fucking time what they want me to say, and I also say also sure a lot of feedback from straight people. So like I am not feedback is not new and has been part of my job the entire time I've doing my job maybe what feels like canceled culture to me the bigger people? Is really huge. Shiny Stars. Getting some of that feedback. That like I'll think a lot of people have been getting the full time. That's. What I think it is, is like people daringly a matter feedback before yeah, we know that we. We were never really in the room always, but we know that there are those stories of those celebrities who really were just surrounded celebrated 'em politicians who were surrounded by. Yes. People who wouldn't like I'm I don't think anyone is really going up to Donald Trump and saying look you look you look like you sound like this and this is what I don't think anybody's doing that I think you know who knows how to really now and so I agree that it's just like they're. They're insulated from being protected from on having to. have. Have more as much accountability as the average person I should say, yeah, probably I don't know what do you how do you? What do you think is happening without? You See? While I that's what I that is. What I think is happening I think that I mean I've witnessed it. I probably participated in being honest as like I remember be as a waiter. I was working as drag. And a celebrity would come in every now and again, and then whenever they said, I, mean the. The motto is the customer's always right. But by this celebrity customer is was definitely always right and we have we didn't even have it. We would go out and get it out the back door to the store. You know like whatever like Oh, you're ordering Sushi this is a chicken place. Okay. Go through she. Like they do wrong and so. I mean I think that was part of that was our fall. Right? You know that's what I'm thinking I don't know if that's the same thing. Now I'm I don't want to conflate. A wrong order with like the me too movement and things like that. Yeah. I think that there were in this age of accountability for a reason and I think it's good and I think it's necessary and I think it's You know people people being publicly held accountable especially when the conversation takes place in public or the the infraction or whatever they did was a public thing than I think that that is. Important I do see that sometimes there is like the very thin line between all using our pressure that we have to let them just to amplify our voices does a thin line between them and then like you know everybody just. Here's this lady she said something wrong lets get fired and we don't even know what the person actually did. You know what? I mean there's a thin line between that mob mentality. I really think that part of what you're talking about is also another way that I feel like is that we use this one term to talk about a bunch of different things. I think that's how bison different. Is that. We talk about Away, person calling the police, a a black person and actually putting someone's life in danger with the same term that we use about finding like some celebrities, worst tweets and I'm not saying the example those things can cause damage but like the damage is different and I, think that what they all have in common is that they're trying to account for power differentials but sometimes sometimes, I think. I think what you're talking about is that sometimes the power that somebody has as a culture right now sometimes we're overcorrected let's sometimes what I think. It's like the. Individual can can sometimes have over-correction. And it's like, I think part of that is a reaction to. The powerlessness that. I know lied meal in this current. Presidential Administration. So it's like we are we're trying deflect exotic on anyone I'm literally any. How Bizarre? More must feel very small and damaged. Anyone. On People Also. Some people really fucking deserve it. So I don't know it's really complicated. It's really of. This week's episode of query sponsored by ritual. Even if we try really hard to eat salads and drink green smoothies were still most likely not getting all the essential nutrients lenient on a daily basis enter ritual the obsessively research vitamin too easy to take capsules provide nine nutrients. You need to support strong foundation for your health from d three to Omega three rituals essentials fill gaps in everyone's diet. And now they're gonNa tell me that I should say that it's vegan friendly a sugar free non GMO gluten free and Allergen free but here's the thing also they're like very pretty that's not anywhere here doesn't anywhere here say that these are unusually pretty vitamins but like weirdly they are. So anyway if the marketing team wants to get in touch with me to talk about the looks of the brand I'm just going to say these are ten. 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In fact, the founder of Queer book box is a longtime listener of this show and was inspired to create the subscription after developing strong sense of responsibility to the Queen Community from listening to the conversations on Query Oh my God chills actual chills visit Queer Book Box Dot Com. And Query listeners get twenty percents off their first book by using the Offer Code Query at Checkout Queer book box it's time to have some pride in your shelf. I wanted to talk about what you were, what you were talking about before, which is like always seeing trans representation in drug culture Again, this is like some really outside the community stuff but like another kind of question that I have when. how to say this is it's like if people are not getting A. Breast Augmentation. Third. So a lot of performers who are doing like other sorts of body modification. Yeah and I and I just I I guess I remember the Breast Augmentation, question coming up as if that was like something that was specifically controversial in the drag community. And that being interesting to me because it's like this person has like cheek implants in this person has fillers and this person has. Some fake hair and like so. It really does feel intense to focus on Jacker devastator. Just that one surgery is the one that you can't have you know And is that is that Inaccurate. Well, I mean they're certainly no like lists or like handbook or guideline book. when it you know I, drag or drag race but It does I and no one. Really I mean look at it. No one had ever. I'd never actually even seen or heard anyone compare any of those things sort of level that conversation. When they're talking about drag versus other forms of body modification and fact, even clearly in all the previous episodes that I'd watched and then in my season we were celebrating. Drag entertainers who had all types of body modification that was intended for quote feminizing. Their body and at the time I had had no none of that the united mean and so it just seemed bizarre to me that like I'm being treated differently. Not, having. Had any surgery but. These folks have had more surgery than me. And and my breast implants or not is the thing that could get good disqualify me or qualifying me for being a woman or not when. I'm like there's you know just didn't make any sense to me. It felt like obviously it. Is Literally, the definition of a double standard and so. I Yeah. That was upsetting to me and that had never been brought up. We'd never talked about that like I said there no real like there was not really a forum for to discuss those types of things. So when it was brought up in a an Irresponsibly I think in an interview, my body, my identity being used against me. that I took a lot of offense to that I was like what? And I was like invoked. and talking about like my like body under my clothes, it just felt so invasive the wrong person. You know well. Yeah. When you say so invasive by the wrong person I mean, who would be the right person for that but true? That, he did have an answer I'm actually I. Don't know there are maybe me that's it. You know yeah. How did how did you I worry from I don't think I actually remember this where are you from I was born in Pennsylvania in Hershey Pennsylvania but I grew up in Wilmington Delaware City as nobody. Absolutely. Yeah. Cool and you're you're growing up there as a kid what what did you see around you? What types of people did you see are under sequel transpeople to deceive Black Queen Black transpeople. As meant to Wilmington, which is weird. have been almost everywhere. You probably driven through it. If you've gone down the East Coast I ninety five runs right through it. But yeah. You know I. Liked it think looking back that I had a relatively diverse. Surroundings when I was growing up. including my family, not necessarily in terms of Quinonez but just like in terms of ideals. I remember. I certainly was had moments where I was the only black person and definitely moments where I was the only queer queer person in the room. and so. And they some of those are painful I remember Oh my gosh like I remember my mom signed me I. Don't know why I I know she needed a break. My Mom signed me up for boy scouts. And I. When she said that On. Remember, I feel like my my soul left my body. And, I were for what you did. as she signed me up like your galway and she had put on that stupid little uniform. And I was like A. And I. Hated it. and we were driving it was I felt like a ten hour drive to this place and she got me out we relate of course, and I walked in and there's all these little white boys. Do wherever they're doing making their sticks or whatever they're doing. And I walk and and it was like. It wasn't even like a record scratch. It was like one of those scenes where you know you know like in vampire movie with all the vampires in a human walks into the layer. And all the vampires just no and they they don't even need like they just now that's what it was and I was like Oh my God I'm black and clearly very queer and be little boys are looking at me and I. and. I remember the meeting. I must stay because my mom dropped me off and then she came back to pick me up. I do not remember the meeting I blocked it out. I don't remember what happened. I don't think I even moved. I've probably sat in the chair. And I probably didn't blink and then my mom got me and I told her this is the first time that there was speaking of power differentials. This is the first time. There was a very clear power Change House I. I didn't curse at my mom but the way I communicated serves like bitch you better never bring me back again. That's that's basically said and she's like Oh okay never and I never had to go. Ahead enrolled me in four H which was a much better experience for me and I got to meet Queer people I was in charge. End Up taking? Dance class called expressive arts, and then eventually became a counselor and with the teaching expressive arts to the kids would totally different experience and and I'm grateful for that. But I do remember that moment where my blackness and my quietness were both. House like I'm not saving any situat-. You know that's I remember that yes I mean that brings up. For me like thinking about have talked about this on the on the show before. But like. When I was a little kid my older sister is she's three years older than me and like we sort of have the same body now but we had very different bodies as kids she like got all Lakey and I was like extremely compact in like a spark plug and she wanted to be dancer So she started taking ballet got really serious about it and I think because like. I think because my parents I mean maybe they would have taken me anyway. But I think partially because they were like well are one kid is doing this than I had to do it too and I took I understand that you. Let me. Let me allow me to read it. Love it. Just. That you describe bring me there. Now I was not I was not a racial minority in this group of people, but I will say. The feeling of being. I knew something was very wrong. And I took eight years of ballet classes lake always in class from when I was two to when I was ten and each of those. Moments was. Suffering problem the boys in the ballet class, they would they get to wear Lake Black Sort of shorts later. And then white shirt and I just would be. Like every like every time I, just so upset. Because I wear literally have to where all pink pink shoes pink. Tights Pink. Like. I felt so weird about my body nothing is hidden. Standing. there. Like Dow Hover every. Might like. In. I will say that. It was like such a source of trauma for me felt so bad about myself, and then I went through a divorce last year and one of the things that I did was that. I started taking dance classes because I felt like he's. Lifelong fear of. That like not dancing at a party but lifelong fear of organized dancing organized exercise classes like anything I'm like if I go to the gym dame. I was like putting headphones in and literally like look at nobody do not address me do not notice. I'm here like I'm working at eleven part and then I believe. but I started going to classes and not only took like I took a bunch of hip hop classes. I went with friends which was shocking to me like letting other people. See me it was it was incredibly wild, and then I took a ballet class I took an adult ballet class. Only like everyone else was actually somebody who had still been taking ballet whereas I. Think. Actually, the number was twenty eight years. Oh my God I, fully A. Yeah, I will say sometimes in life it's. Very. Good to have. One thing that is true about traumatic experiences is that I think it for me. Opens up like willingness to try things that have previously been scary because I'm literally lying. Life is already like short-term ruined. So maybe just try for these things that we stirred me what's going to happen and it was. It was pre flood. So on my God, I would've loved to have been an APP. So good. It's you know what way? I was working like. Got War in basketball shorts I felt amazing. Felt so yeah I felt so Anura. Yes it was great I'm sorry to be honest with you. I can't say nobody but like most of us. With the body image issues that we have. Thank you. Universe end industry nobody wants to be up in that pink Leotard No. No. No. No. What how does that factor into? Body image for you win like. So much of your job is about like presenting your body or at least that's what it seems like. So much of your job presenting this it is it's really A lot of it is and you know I don't know how. Because I, certainly am an individual who is like I don't WanNa show anything, and then on stage I'm like half naked now and so it is a thing I certainly am extremely body conscious in terms of the the fashions and the looks that I wear and how I there's a little bit of you know smoking mirrors happening. and so that is my only protection. But I wish there was less emphasis on the body, but you know as a as A. As a drag performer. Drag in the form of the essence of a woman. you know the the the the sort of. The people judge you based on how well you can kind of transform and as a Trans Woman people judge you based on how well you can transform and then as a woman people judge you and so. Yeah absolutely. Yeah So it is. It's IT'S A it's a rough. It's without any here in these streets but we're. Hopefully I'll just get a corset and a girdle and hope for the best. I mean also, as you speak, it's like you know I. Hear you talking about smoking mirrors in it's like, yeah that's that's also true for literally anybody in the entertainment industry because nobody looks like that. North out of without effort. There's there's no, there's nobody there's nobody who's body. Just looks like that like there's nobody who's fate nobody just like there's nobody who's hair just looks like that. That's not that's not anything. and. So that is another thing that's so bizarre and that's where we're all trying to. Exactly not everyone but that's what. But that's the industry standard. The industry standard is something that no one has actually actually actually I would. Say maybe maybe everyone you know maybe everyone is trying to do something that is like a created body like if that wasn't true then the fitness industry in the Diet industry wouldn't be what it is. You know. Has Creams. Multitudinous moisturizers and like every green every hydroponic affect like folic acid alao of. Yeah how how much do you Like now in this moment right now, how much are you keeping up like SORT OF A. Same vibe that you would do if you were performing regularly lake face body on is that still happening? I'll let less. It's fair to say definitely less definitely a lot less. Now that I'm Kinda back in the dating pool though I'm like Oh God I remember this and I'm like. Wow Okay I guess I'll put on makeup. You know. Your dating pool that's that's so yes because I'm single again I guess that's something that I don't know you're not single anymore but I gone back in the dating pool and so that that's a whole other. It's like you know it's basically the same as getting in drag. Again I like at night and during the day or like when you go on a date And so. Aside from that I mean let me tell you. I found myself in a box of. French bread pizza. This summer I'm never laughed until about a month ago. I gained all the weight. And I was. Savoring those every morsel of those French Bread Pizza Bites 'cause I hadn't had French fries pizza in year. Fifteen early. Ashes French bread. Letter either and that's hard to Thiru also you cannot make yourself like I get that they sell French bread. You can't get that they saw. Yeah. But that's not how it doesn't have to be. You gotta get it from the. And that's how it goes. Yeah. Yeah, it is delicious and so that was that was my dad was my downfall. I was actually journal really well, and until I was like Oh, you know, I, don't feel. They're doing renovations in the kitchen in my kitchen and I was like Oh. Okay. It looks like I'm having microwave and like whatever meals 'cause I can't cook And that was my downfall. Those even I was getting delivery I was getting healthier for delivered. We know that was ready to eat and then then went off like know, Oh, it's pieces on. At the. laughing. Famous. Words. It's it's been hard to it's been hard to. You know what truly it is hard to care about anything well, I'm not usually a problem I have I'm like usually A fire and mass all the time about everything. And, this is these are some new experiences for me. Not Liking just being like. Oh Wild I don't know what I care about like that's know and. I CARE ABOUT LARGER About larger issues and then I go out and do the thing that I think is the most effective on that particular day. But I do feel a little more disconnected from the results even. Before I think I've always felt I've had this enormous privilege by the nature of my job where I always get to feel somewhat impactful like even. Even. If I haven't been doing shit, it's like I'm seeing people facing base I'm working at this event I'm donating this time or whatever it is I get to feel like that I matter on this earth and that is not something that I feel right now and I first of all like I said, I'm realizing God what a what a wild privilege I've had for so many years maybe this is how many people feel all the time which is like all. That I don't know, that's a big fear of mine I'm afraid of that. Yeah I hear you now that's probably why we do that we do because it's a big fear. Here up the fresh bread. So. What are you? What are what do you care about right now? Like. Keep Panning. I think I definitely am so engaged in a lot of. I care about continuing the conversations that we started having over the summer I care about rehashing the conversations that we were having around. The me too movement and bringing those in play equally or at you know at simultaneously with with a lot of the conversations. I care about getting people to understand and acknowledge the importance of being able to have The importance of recognizing what's happening to Black Trans Women in this country with regards to the murder rate And one of the things that I think kind of connects a lot of those things is which we're not really talking about that actively at least I haven't really seen a lot of is having these conversations that allow. That de stigmatize. The lovers of Trans People the people who are romantically involved with transport sent Because those people I don't have a lot of different resources places to go and they certainly don't have a lot of examples in the public eye. you know I think. Dating or being with a trans person whether sexually or Romantically both is something that's new to a lot of people who Are Most, our action and. Even, though we're human like we're human. So it's like there's nothing like we got it like it's It's not rocket science, but it is still I think people do it as an exotic anomaly that's taboo and like I think they're to the point where they can accept. Okay. There's an transgender actor on the TV shower in that thing but dating one of us. IS A. Completely different thing because it means that do they need to come out do they need to what does that mean? Do they need to speak publicly about it? Can they keep it a secret? That's I think that's a conversation that not enough of us are having but I think it's really important. So. It'd in that, which is why I am shot this short I was trying to figure out how to bring. My album to life. Where am I going to do to bring its because I can't shoot music video in the typical fashion that I would have shot them because of covid and everything and I am I haven't been working so there's no money to shoot in the first place And so we decided to get together and shoot like a short film that would be scored by music which comes out in the end of an October and in that the there's a lot of issues that I deal with on the album but the one issue that central that I was like bring this to the forefront and make about this is the my relationship with my partner in the film and being able to show it in a way. That's not a lot of times. We see relations romantic relationships that involve Trans Trans Women. There's like There's like somebody's carrying all this shame into the thing there's all this trauma and shame and they're running from these people hiding from those people you know like it's it's those are realistic stories, but we never could see the rest, and so I wanted to have like just joy a joyful relationship. Where in in. The video. Where people can see this man adoring this transform and treating her the way a partners to treat somebody when. Ship. Not Killing them which is what ends up with in real life a lot of the people and so and so that's that's really important to me is having those fostering those conversations Around those. Yeah. That is that's brilliant and and. I I mean obviously I know that that's where the work has to be done in terms of violence reduction, but it is. It is really wild to think about Like who we don't have plant like. So okay. Now there are some you know Trans Woman that we see on TV or whatever. But like who is paired with that Merson and what does that relationship look like another thing that I would say is I think on the Trans Masculine side Of this equation because a lot of folks that identifies like Trans Masculine or non binary folks are like from the Lesbian Queer, sight of the community. I think we also don't walk all yet about the shifts in those relationships because for a lot of people. I just think that we don't think we're not talking about how this impacts dating like in a in A. In Libya okay. This is how because we don't talk about Like you said whether or not. You know you have to come out. I know a lot of people that. I've been partnered to folks who are who are transfixed folks in it in it is a question of. So then like I literally got this question from a listener. So like then what can I call myself? You know like what are the words? I, can call myself in that moment and what does it mean? It's exist I think this exists within the queer community to like there are many many. I know who Trans Women and many you. Queer, folks who are beauty you know or a partner to Non Binary and Trans Masculine folks and think that like. It's it's in the straight world. It's like this sort of. There's this like villainy thing going on like being tricked into this situation You know like a purpose perpetrator like an you episode or whatever, and then in the. World I think that we act like these conversations don't need to happen. Like I think that's also something that we doing to ourselves. I think a lot of folks especially folks who like really WanNa feel like they are like you know. Woke or like of the moment. People don't want to don't act like we need to talk about this, and this is a lot of these are shifting words shifting identities, shifting overlap you know Just you saying We've always been in drag like this is just These are not new things in our community, but there are things that I don't know that we necessarily do a great job of talking about we don't and I and I and I do think I'm I am starting to see especially. In the gay male. In the gay men's side of things. more and I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or what's going on more I don't know if I'm seeing more conversation I'm not think more conversation but I'm definitely seeing more six gay folks. Gay Man partnered with Trans Mass people which I think is like. Yeah she's so happy about the because there has always been I mean I have to be very honest I. IT coming up here in a when I was in New York City in the earlier days gay guide, the gay guys that were going to them clubs where like I would never ever. Do not to be crude but like I would never touch vagina he'll breeders straight people like they were like this like really toxic. INTERNALIZE HOMOPHOBIC. They weren't into like anyone who was spam or like soft bodied or or a woman or assigned female at birth or anybody other than says, by gay man who are Macho those were the only that was the the only people who were valued I think and so. You, know now seeing gay guys partnered with I mean more than I probably even know partnered with Trans Mask People is Great. I, think I'm like, oh my gosh this is so amazing because it just shows that there is fluidity I remember hearing gay guys always use. Alcohol on the argument that like everybody's a little by to like you know. Not all gay guys but some you know really being excited by the prospect of a straight guy kind of like quote turning gay or like having a night with them but but there be zero conversation about the fluid sexual fluidity when it comes to within the community Yeah that's right and I. think that's important. Yeah. Man That's super cool. Cool Will friend because we started at a time and then I had to restart my thing I don't even know where we are in the day of how long is. Like I like I like do not know I feel like we've covered we like we like did it did it We covered a lot and. I would love to ask you for a minute. Perfect it's perfect time. I would love to ask you to shout out a Queiro which is a person place or thing that made you feel like it can be you are today. No one is I'M GONNA get lambasted for this. Okay. So I'm so sorry everyone. My Queiro and please do not listen. Let let me explain like. By saying. Some of the most queer. Pioneers and people like that we know many of them and I think that the leaders of the Queer Movement and the leaders of The fight for equal rights and justice. Are and have ban on and some of them are unsown. Really Amazing. LGBTQ I A folks right however. To me my I'm living in a new definition of Queasiness, which certainly encompasses people who are lgbtq a+. But. that. My new definition of clearness, which isn't necessarily only. My definition is a political. Anyone who dares go against gender norms and those things, and so as a youngster since there really weren't of visible out queer people growing up, I have to say the person that. made the biggest impact on me what actually as far as I know this gender heterosexual man and so that's why my Quintero is Prince Oh. Who? Agree. So Queer I mean no, you can't argue at that right who was so clear and obviously a legend and so that's I just wanted to say that because I don't want to be like prince wasn't even. If I for me, it's not about being gay necessarily and so. I I don't think we've ever had prince, which is which is actually kind of wild and you know what I one of mine is is David Bowie because when I think about how I want to wear makeup, which I actually love to wear like that's who I think about. I don't think. You because I don't actually want to wear makeup the same way that you wear makeup, but I do want to wear makeup the way that David Bowie David. Yeah. So like I hear what you're saying, you know things you gotta think for. Prince. On. The topic that you just mentioned like topic of. The fluidity within sexuality late. There still hasn't been. Anybody who? Like it would almost be like if if Luna's Ex was like actually straight I, don't know but like there hasn't been anybody yet. Princess. Like tiny body like such a small body such a like petite you know in end. Dumb. I just think everything about that person and then the the way that he cast himself always with the hottest. Person in the movie. WHO's literally taller than him or whatever it is but yeah. Yeah. On the back of the bike, like that is sort of A. It is sort of radical. There's there's this trans to that experience. Also Dano absolutely I that's and that's what I latched onto at young in the younger news you know for sure and obviously you know as a young girl performer princess more wild and a little more radical than later, and that's normal. I think we all go through that. But just like Princess Legacy definitely is one that's wrapped up in sexual fluidity gender fluidity expression and you know their their performance of. The my mom had to tell me what an orgy was and it was both when we were watching Prince. Performing. We're watching MTV video east one where his ass was cut out of the yellow outfit. And and it was everybody doing everything to each other on that stage. You know everyb- every combination you could think of and I was like mom. You know and and so that's I, think that's wonderful. That was you know this sort of? Radical. Sort of challenging of all of this sexuality and stereotypes especially for a black man and so that's why Prince is my beautiful wall love it and you're delight to talk to and I hope that you have. A day that is full of. Frenchman pieces of the soul. Thank you for that Yak I will only be having the sole French bread pizzas from for at least for the next few months while I prepare for my album. But I would love everybody to download the album in presale right now it's called a girl like me letters my lover's I'd love for you to take A. It's basically my personal diary. My last relationship puts set to music, and then of course, the short film is coming out around Halloween I can't wait to. We're tillerson. Being here. Keep your whole home running like clockwork from the office to the game room with xfinity Internet you'll get the best in home wifi experience with reliable speed and coverage. 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