40 Burst results for "Oprah Winfrey"
Fresh update on "oprah winfrey" discussed on Steve Harvey
"You know, we just will stay on this story and let you know what's going on. Yeah. Uh, another entertainment news this Sunday this coming Sunday. Oprah Winfrey will interview Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Harry will talk about his mother, Princess Diana. He told Oprah that he quit the royal family rather than face the crushing exploitation. Killed his mother, he said. My biggest concern was history, repeating itself growing interest in the special convinced CBS to expand the show from 90 minutes to two hours, according to Royal Watchers, Queen Elizabeth stripped Harry of his honorary military titles because he never asked her permission to be interviewed by.
Prince Harry compares "unbelievably tough" royal split to Diana
"Prince Harry says the split from the royal family has been rough. Prince Harry says the process of separating from rural life has been very difficult for him and his wife, Meghan. In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Harry invoked the memory of his late mother, Princess Diana, who he says had to find her own way after she and Prince Charles divorced. Harry told, Winfrey said he can't imagine what it was like her going through it by herself, adding. It's being tough for him and Meghan, But at least they have each other. Harry's comments Ed Sunday in a clip from the interview special, which is scheduled to Air March, 7 on CBS. I'm Charles Duluth. Asthma
Fresh update on "oprah winfrey" discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"Gay. He was found guilty of murdering thirty three young men and boys. He received the death penalty and was executed by lethal injection in one thousand. Nine hundred four. Karen tells us about growing up as a little sister. This is my favorite photo. And it's joanne. My oldest sister. John and then me And i was probably about six or seven years old. John and i were best friends and now we just did everything together. John liked mostly things that were probably different from most boys his age. You'd like gardening and cooking baking. Hey wasn't all the old fisherman type or hunter that my dad was and some of these things bothered my dad but he wouldn't bring it up until he drank. My father on many occasions would call jonah. Sissy and Wasn't a happy drunk. Sometimes he would turn into a mean drunk so we had always be real careful. John felt like he never lived up to dad's expectations and this all into his adulthood until he married and had a son and daughter. He was arrested about a year and a half later. John was accused of Sodomy With a minor garin says. Her brother always insisted to his family. He was innocent claiming he was framed. And at that time i believed him and i stop and i think sometimes maybe if we hadn't been so believable maybe the rest of his life wouldn't have turned out like it did in hundred seventy eight chicago. Police found the remains of at least twenty seven bodies buried beneath john. Wayne casey's house to this day gay. She is one of america's most notorious serial killers killing thirty. Three young men and boys is sister. Karen visited him fairly regularly before his arrest. Did you ever notice a foul odor. Anything suspicious at the house. We'll the first moved in. There was always this kind of musty. Smell it was a real dark type. Housing was always musty smelling so when he was first arrested. Did you believe that he was capable of killing all of those boys and young men. Now i couldn't believe the night. I got the phone call at two o'clock in the morning and it was sam amr anti as attorney that called me. He said we have john and he's been arrested. And and i said can i talk to him and he said yes and he put him on the phone i john. Did you do this. Not very audible. But he said yeah. I was in shock. I just sat there and didn't know what to do. My husband was standing there by that time. Just looking at me and we cried and we hope neither of us could believe it because it wasn't the person we knew he was always good and kind and always taking care of us. We still a. It was just hard. john. Wayne casey confessed to police and later recanted maintaining that he was innocent until his execution. But he told you he did it yes. He told you he did it. I was in jail with him visiting him when he was here at cook county and when i was in there there was an article in the paper with many faces of the boys and i asked him. I said how could you. How could you not know the these boys. They found these boys under. What wasn't my house. But my mother's in the as i said how could you not know. And he didn't really answer and he said i am not guilty of all of them and i said all of them. Does that mean any of them. Well maybe one or two i said. Then you're guilty of all because you can't kill one and not be guilty. You're you're guilty of all. And at that point i was angry. I was so angry for what he had done to my family. Our children everything. It was just very i. Guess at that point. I could've just socked him. Because of the way was it was something. I didn't know about him so when he was a little boy did he kill animals to know all the things that we hear about eight serial killers. Nothing like that. We had a couple of dogs. He was good to them. Played with them. Walk them more. Never any kind of signs of of trying to hurt somebody. Do you think that he was trying to hide. His homosexuality or bisexuality. Well there was a time in iowa that my husband and i with our oldest daughter visited and we'd gone out with them and when we were at this function he said now. Don't get upset if we don't go home with each other. Sure enough this other couple. That was ever table. The man went home with us with her and he went off with the wife and it was the last time i ever stepped foot in her house again. Because i said what in the world is going on here. And i asked him later about it and he said well it's just it's nothing. It's nothing big. So i never knew anything about him. With a bisexual or sexual. Yeah waitress and what did the family thing. When he was first accused and went to jail was sentenced to ten years only served eighteen months for sodomy of a fifteen year. Old boy well. He said it was consensual. I guess back then. I never even thought too much about it except later. My mom told me that as a child had been molested. And you know. I don't want to say that. That excuses anything he did. But i never knew that part about it and i. I don't know if she was trying to make an excuse as to why this happened. Lots of people with everybody who was molested ended up killing people and putting them in their crawlspace. We wouldn't have a world. You're right yeah right. Yeah john wayne. Casey was pronounced dead at twelve. Fifty eight Am he got a much easier death than any of his victims. In my opinion he got an easier death than he deserved but the important thing is that he paid for his crimes with his knife leaving the prison and looking back knowing i'd never see him again was really really hard. The whole situation was a nightmare. You could hear a lot of chanting.
Jodie Foster thanks Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers during Golden Globes speech
"Foster thanked. Nfl quarterback aaron rodgers falling her golden globes win last night afterwards. She cleared up the rumor that she was the one who set up erin and her co-star shailene woodley. I have never met. Aaron rodgers so But it is possible that i do like to talk about how much i love remix backers and sometimes i can talk a little bit too much about that. So of course shane. Lean is very very aware of my enthusiasm for the team. A
Fresh update on "oprah winfrey" discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"That day do you think you would. Have you know the bass that question. When i look at my wife. My mother my family who ingested the cool eight. I cannot say. I wouldn't in respect of it. Well the other thing is what choice would you've had and why i have lined up also because i believe that we were going to be invaded. Well the point is when we ask and still are asking how to nine hundred people degree to do that. They had already been brainwashed as you had already been brainwashed and so the fact that you all are practicing suicide raids and were this indoctrinated and war. That's why was easy to carry out and as you hear him on the tape. Jim jones and quickly quickly quickly quickly ruin it and then when the kids die i mean that was a part of the strategy. I how could i say. Well i don't want to give up my life. Yeah but i have to tell you it. And i know for every mother here. It's incomprehensible that you would give cyanide to your child. Well jim escaped the massacre because he was playing a basketball tournament one hundred and fifty miles away from jonestown and he says basketball actually saved his life.
Oprah Interview Trailer Features Meghan Markle, Prince Harry
"Harry and meghan just did an interview with oprah winfrey which oprah's says no topic was off limits. She gets in deep in. She released two different promos in one of them. It's like oprah's like you're saying some pretty crazy things right here. But they don't say exactly. What and in the second promo you see. Prince harry sort of you know explaining why what he knows about his mom. Princess diana's life affected him and megan's decision to leave the royal family. Were you silent or were you silenced. Clear to everybody there is no subject. That's off limits. Almost unsurvivable sounds like there was a breaking point. My biggest concern is history repeating itself. You said some pretty shocking things. Here wait hold up. Wait a minute this
Fresh update on "oprah winfrey" discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"That my father radio to me that they revisiting fraser which was code for committing suicide. Gem and his two brothers were one hundred and fifty miles away from jonestown playing basketball tournament when he entered his father's shocking call. I couldn't believe it when he told me that this is what he planned to do. I argued with him. I said you can't there. Isn't there another way. can we do something else. My father told us to define knives piano liar place if we were able to find it and commit suicide when i receive those instructions to kill myself. I didn't believe it. I couldn't understand it of preferred about my loved ones family. My wife i didn't know if they would group well. At the time of the massacre jim jones junior was eighteen when you heard obviously refused your father's command to kill yourself. Yes and you tried to talk about it and then you went and told whom well we went to the. Us embassy tried to find out what was going on. We had gotten the report that they were gonna commitments frazier which is the code word for committee because he had those practice and he had practice run yes in johnstown prior they had practice drills of suicide and when i say practice joseph suicidal was tested loyalty he would line up and you know pledge their life to the cause is the cause with the cars was the nine 'isms ninety nine y c ninety nine racism. Nine sexism ageism the class system of coming out of the sixties and seventies. We had this a white versus black. We have this. We had this haves and have nots. And and that's what peoples temple really was so he was trying to create a utopian society. Where if you come with me. You will not be discriminated against. You will not have to suffer because you're poor. You won't have to you know we're going to have the perfect society we're got create a new world we're going to create it in the world and that's what people believe you and that's what i believed. Don't go anywhere more to come after this short break in. Twenty twenty one. It's finally okay to talk about our mental health and happiness. Humans aren't meant to keep everything inside. It makes us sick and therapy helps but what is there. Be exactly whatever you want it to be. Maybe you're not feeling motivated right now and would like some tools to help or maybe you're feeling insecure in relationships or at work not dealing with stress. Whatever you need. It's time to stop being ashamed of normal human struggles because you deserve to be happy and now you don't have to worry about finding an in-person therapist near you to help. Better health is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in person therapy and you can start communicating with your therapist and under forty eight. Join the millions of people who're seeing what therapy is really about. It may or may not be for you. But it's worth looking into because you are your greatest asset. This podcast is sponsored by better. Help and the oprah winfrey show the podcast listeners. Get ten percent off their first month at better. Help dot com slash oprah. That's h e l p dot com slash oprah. Are you always taking care of your family. Do often take care of others. Not yourself now. It's time to take care of yourself to make time for you. You deserve it. Tell it gives you access to licensed therapist to help you get back to feeling your best to feeling like yourself again with tell you can speak to a licensed therapist by phone or video. Therapy appointments are available seven days a week from seven. Am to nine pm local time. If you feel overwhelmed sometimes maybe you feel stressed or anxious. Depressed her lonely. Or maybe you're struggling with personal or family issue. Tell it can help. And there's no need to wait months to get a therapist. Teluk is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they make it easy to change counselors for free if needed tell doc therapy is available through. Most insurance or employers individual plans are also available. Just download the app visit Dot com slash stitcher. Today to get started. That's not e. l. a. d. o. C. dot com slash stitcher where smart people educated people with the whole gamut lawyers teachers but we also had another gamut. we had. I think people's temple was like almost seventy percent african america. And what have dessel for african-americans at that time. Their doctors and lawyers who are african american at the time. The common theme where people wanted to make a difference. When were you adopted by jim jones. Ten weeks old. It ten weeks old and indiana. I heard you the first black kid ever adopted by white The story goes. I was the first african american child. Adopted by caucasian. Families have chill. Yeah yeah longtime open so this was your father and i loved him as as a side. I love my father. I took great prior to being assigned. Was it difficult being the first black kid adopted by white family or was it difficult. No you didn't no no you didn't know your black would note. Actually oprah i okay. That's what i'm asking the. Because i had koreans in the family. I just thought i'd better take. I really really. Yeah 'cause we need have koreans and your family. They're a little look a little darker. Might you know i. I had a blonde haired blue eyed brother. I had homemade the natural son. I remember going to san francisco. Which i'll call them home as well. Yeah i remember going in san francisco at seeing african americans and thinking that was my biological family really cause because that was i mean there was no race in there is no race. You you were jimmy lou. Or and that's why people were coming to the church because you could be a part of something new a rainbow family. Okay.
The Worst Golden Globes Ever Completely Botched Its Diversity Scandal
"The gloves were the first award show to take a controversy and actually address it. Head on the winners presenters and even hosts did not hold back about the lack of diversity and those who pick the globe winners. In fact. Amy and tina got into right at the start of the show. Watch the hollywood. Foreign press association is made up of around ninety international. No black journalists. I realized h fda. Maybe you guys didn't get memo because your workplace. Is the backer booth a french. Mcdonald's but you gotta change that it is great to be black the golden globes back back at the golden globes black back anywhere in the spirit of inclusion. I hope that this time next year. This ceremony reflects the true brad and diversity of the film and television being made today because there is so much more to be celebrated. Thank you to the on white. Hollywood foreign press jane fonda two. I think addressed as well head on. How did you feel how did you think they did handling this. Go ahead jane fonda. she's always fantastic. But i i love. They came out hitting it right on top of the head. Everyone had the jokes. I personally thought the foreign press probably thought they had a black woman on the board. Yeah i think it was rachel dole. I think they just found out on us. Yeah i was the first show that you actually a president. Come out actually admit okay. We're gonna make some changes. We're going to do something. And i think you know if you're not gonna talk about it Then you're part of the
Fresh update on "oprah winfrey" discussed on News, Traffic and Weather
"The Golden Globes falling off a cliff in the early preliminary numbers. They're down 60% from last year. That's expected to change when we get the final numbers Tuesday morning, but even so, it probably won't change significantly right now. More people watch 60 Minutes in American Idol from the Globe Sunday night. Hello? Hole. Hey, Daniel Geek fest that is sending ago comic con going virtual again this year because of the pandemic and organizer's announcing that because of limited financial resources, it will be cut from four days. 23 comic Con International says it will try for a small in person three day. Then in November baby bad blood between Taylor Swift and Netflix. Because of this joke, and the season finale of the Netflix soapy drama Ginny and Georgia. What do you care? You go through men faster than Taylor Swift On Twitter, Swift writes that the joke is lazy and deeply sexist. Swift also slamming Netflix or partner on the documentary. Miss Americana. No response from Netflix and Oscar winning actress Lupita Nago is 38 Monday, Jason Evans and ABC knows Hollywood. Getting a first look at Oprah Winfrey's interview with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Michael Kastner report. CBS aired a teaser Sunday of the sit down where Harry talks about how difficult it must have been for his late mother, Princess Diana. To deal with the public scrutiny. Com begin to.
Upcoming Interview 'Oprah With Megan & Harry' Will Reveal Shocking Details About the Royal Split
"Just want to make it clear to everybody. There is no subject that's off limit. You've said some pretty shocking things here. That is one of two promo is out for the eagerly awaited Oprah Winfrey Interview with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex in the clips for Oprah with Meghan and Harry as CBS prime Time Special on Lee when free and Prince Harry speak with Winfrey teasing bombshell revelations. She did interview Meghan Markle. Just none of that made it into the prom owes. Oh, but apparently they say some pretty, You know, shocking things, including, You know, Harry kind of couldn't comparing his wife, too. His mother? Yes, this Diana and that he was afraid something like that might happen to her. I think this thing is gonna live up to the hype. Yeah, I think. Well, I think it will. I think really Well, I think for people who are interested, it will It's gonna tear march 7th. It's really being hyped. It is well and it's causing a lot of consternation at Buckingham Palace, and they got Prince Philip. You know, he's in here. They've now transferred him to another hospital. Apparently he's using you know, he's 99. I know. I know He's older, and he's got some health issues. So you know they're dealing with that and the nests and right Sure it feels pretty chaotic.
Stevie Wonder is moving to Ghana
"Says he's moving to Ghana, the award winning singer side of the political turmoil in the US in an interview with Oprah It's an Oprah Winfrey, but I just thought that everybody would know Wonder said that he doesn't want to see his great grandchildren have to say Please like me, please respect me. Please know that I'm important. It's not the first time the iconic performer has considered moving to Ghana in 1994, he said, there was more of a sense of community there than in America.
Transforming a white supremacist meeting hall into a center for diversity and reconciliation
"A major effort is underway to turn a former Ku Klux Klan meeting hall into a center for diversity and reconciliation. Adriana Diaz introduces us to the unlikely team leading that chain Quiet Lauren, South Carolina has harbored an open secret for decades. This once a segregated cinema. The Echo Theater was long a meeting place for white supremacists. Inside the redneck Shop, which sold Confederate flags, Nazi propaganda and Ku Klux Klan apparel. Local Reverend David Kennedy had been fighting to close the shop for years has always represented racism and humiliation. For the black community humiliation and terror. Kennedy knows the oral history of his own great great grand uncle's lynching. As I listen to the story. You're not connected with the future. Sure that it was me hanging from the rope. The theater was a symbol of that hate this'll meeting in 2006 included members of the KKK, the area nation and the Nazi party. The theater's destiny took in almost cinematic turn. The building was owned by a reformed clansmen who sold it to a black pastor who helped him through tough times. That pastor was Reverend Kennedy. We knew if we owned it, it will never be a cuckoo's clean, written and shop again, but their power Over the building. Steel leaves. Every time I go in there, I have to brace myself. Shop closed in 2012 and the reverend's now trying to transform the theater into a symbol of love with the help of his new beginning, Missionary Baptist Church and an unexpected ally, the team ever 24 year old Reagan Freeman I believe in this. I do not know why it caught on to me. I mean, it's the right thing to do. Reagan is a breath of fresh air. He's young, He's energetic, He stays pumped up. There is a reckoning taking place in America. Freeman was in college when this 2018 60 minutes. Story changed his life Scores. Oprah Winfrey's report on the memorial honoring the thousands of African Americans lynched in the U. S. Revealed an ugly truth about Freeman's home county of Lawrence. Every name has its own story. Yes, that's right, Liza Cow and was lynched in Lawrence County, South Carolina. She was lynched here, and that was never taught to me as I was growing up it set with me and it bothered me to no end. So what was it on that side or that side, So he did some digging learned about Reverend Kennedy's goal for the theater. And offered to help a cold called Robert Kennedy for him to take a chance. And, you know, let me be a part of this and to help his church, you know, pushed the rock up the hill. It's the honor of a lifetime. We might be the Freemans, now the executive director of the Eco project, the effort to convert the theater into a museum and memorial for diversity and reconciliation. It will display the racist relics. It once housed everything we have, you know, ranging from the artifacts to the oral histories of the people who live this. It illustrates that this is not ancient history. It's our responsibility to really tell the truth here. How does it feel to have a young Southern white man? Care about This mission in this deep way. It's a sand off home. The eco project has raised more than $400,000, but needs million's Reverend Kennedy is undeterred. Good loved at the Palm we have quite a good time. If I were democracy is going to be saved. It must not be saved with racism and hatred. It must be saved by love. Bra popped up from love and the people who spread it. CBS this morning. I'm Adriana Diaz.
Meghan Markle & Prince Harry Will Do Oprah Interview
"In an interview with oprah. So what does that mean for their royal feet future just out today. Please welcome billy out about skies to kim with had president dan. Let's get right into it. Let's start with the beautiful photo. The harry and meghan share to make their valentine's day announcement. the happy news comes just months after making revealed. Jim suffered a miscarriage in july. Now we also learned that harry and meghan her going to a sit down interview with the one and only oprah winfrey. It's going to air march seventh on cbs. I am thrilled about this. Sit down with the wall. I guess we'll get to see it all but it just. I'm excited about this. However what do you guys. Do you think this is going to be very telling or anything. Because their friends is going to be safe up. Think it's going to be telling a love. The queen is interviewing the. I think you know oprah's going to go into going to ask even though they're friends they're going to be you know. I'm sure they'll know the questions that are coming. She's not going to surprise them. But i think it's things that everyone wants to know and I think megan is going to tell the truth. They've already departed from the crown. So what am i. The only person that is terrified for this interview air. Yes which way well. Here's the thing. It's a ninety minute interview. Ninety minutes gives the world a lot of footage to dissect minute by minute minute and she just announced her pregnancy. I think we're so happy for her. She went through such a terrible loss. She shared that with us. And i feel like she's inviting negative energy into this space because at the end of the day this is a lose lose for them. And i'll tell you. Why if oprah asked them about will and kate or about megs it and they don't talk about it right then. We're all going to speculate if they do talk about it. That breaks all protocol that goes against the palace like there is no turning back after that moment so i am nervous because i just don't see the upside of this interview for them other than the fact that listen people want closure and you wanna get your truth out there and maybe that's what this is for meghan but i just want all the good things for them and i just want all the good energy and i don't want people to dissect this view and be mean to them. They've had enough and they have had enough but at the same time. I think they've got pretty thick skin at this point. They're used to that. I think that they can entrust oprah in the sense of how she's going to ask the question. It'd be delicate about it. That's why they're they're good friends. Riley your neighbors. You know all of those things. So i think you're right they're gonna do an interview. It could really hurt them either way. But i think it's okay with oprah oprah though is not going to get there still royalty even though they left the they're still not going to be there because they like don't like this off come on. It's gonna be very pc crew. Yeah everything's gonna be very safe. We're not gonna get this spill all like here's how i truly feel however it will probably the most open they've ever been because there is no pressure left. They're just putting the nail the conference. We're going to tell interview so you'll be there really done because i think and the queen put you on the most wanted list at the royal hundred percent. And here's what's at risk for harry. So he does have honorary military titles. Still they're saying that with his participation in this interview those will be stripped from him he along with all of the patronage is that are still left because new york santa clara son sort of agenda. There's something they're launching. There's something with net flicks. I mean when you get a interview. With oprah winfrey oprah has not been doing these interviews in a while so when she picks one person or person that we all want to. Everyone is what. I don't care if they say the abc's for ninety minutes we're all going to be like. Oh look she said yes only going to be watching it engaged in. It gives us an insight. Just that's why the crowd is so popular hundred percent. I don't think you're right. They're not going to say anything. That goes against the crown or give any family secrets away. But i think we will enjoy the interview and oprah will ask questions that will make them answer. You're going to have to answer oprah's not gonna just sit there now and just like she's a masterclass in an interview. Even you think you aren't going to answer. The question oprah will get it out of. There is no way that you can. I mean she's like a force. There's no way that you can resist. I've got the data said. Cbs is ready. I'm excited
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle expecting second child
"Sit down is coming with Oprah and this famous couple the heels of Prince Harry and wife Megan, announcing they're expecting a second child, CBS says announced that Oprah Winfrey will sit down with the pair for a prime time special next month. CBS says it will cover everything with Meghan Markle from stepping into life as a royal marriage, motherhood, philanthropy and, more later, Oprah and Meghan will be joined by Prince Harry as they speak about their recent move to the U. S and their future hopes and dreams. The 90 minutes Special air on CBS on Sunday March 7th.
Prince Harry and Meghan to talk to Oprah Winfrey
"Oprah's going to interview the Duke and Duchess of Sussex on the heels of Prince Harry and wife Megan, announcing they're expecting his second child, CBS says announced that Oprah Winfrey will sit down with the pair for a prime time special next month. CBS says it will cover everything with Meghan Markle from stepping into life as a royal marriage, motherhood, philanthropy and, more later, Oprah and Meghan will be joined by Prince Harry as they speak about their recent move to the U. S and their future hopes and dreams. The 90 Minute Special air on CBS on Sunday, March
Harry and Meghan to be interviewed by Oprah Winfrey
"Sit down is coming with Oprah and a famous couple on the heels of Prince Harry and wife Meghan, announcing they're expecting his second child, CBS says announced that Oprah Winfrey will sit down with the pair for a prime time special next month. CBS says it will cover everything with Meghan Markle from stepping into life as a royal marriage, motherhood, philanthropy and, more later, Oprah and Meghan will be joined by Prince Harry as they speak about their recent move to the U. S and their future hopes and dreams. 90 minutes Special air on CBS on Sunday, March
Meghan Markle and Prince Harry to Sit Down with Oprah in a Primetime Interview
"In the World is about to sit down for an interview with Oprah on the heels of Prince Harry and wife Megan, announcing they're expecting his second child, CBS says announced that Oprah Winfrey will sit down with the pair for a prime time special next month. CBS says it will cover everything with Meghan Markle from stepping into life as a royal marriage, motherhood, philanthropy and, more later, Oprah and Meghan will be joined by Prince Harry as they speak about their recent move to the U. S and their future hopes and dreams. 90 minutes Special air on CBS on Sunday March 7th Matt Piper
Royal occasion: Oprah Winfrey to interview Meghan and Harry
"Oprah Winfrey will interview prince Harry and Meghan Markle in their first major TV interview since they quit their royal duties I marches are a letter with the latest prince Harry and Meghan Markle will sit down with Oprah Winfrey for a primetime special that will air on CBS on March seventh the couple will discuss stepping away from life as Royals as well as moving to the United States Winfrey knows the couple while they live near each other in Montecito California and Winfrey attended their wedding a spokesperson for the couple confirmed Sunday they are expecting their second child
How to Grow Your Business by Replacing Yourself
"Today we're gonna have a little bit of a conversation about Taking things to the next level right so if any of you have experienced a something just some level of growth inside of your personal life or career or business you start to realize you get to this point that you can't do it all right like there's there's a million different things going on every single day whether you're a manager at you know where you work or ura you're actually business owner or you run a family with five different kids or you run a local group or a team or anything like that. Like there's there's a nine jillian different things you have going on at all points of the day the week the month year like planning things like it's just it's it's too much it's a lot right and the thing to remember. Is that whether you have your own small business or a job or your oprah winfrey or whoever the hell you are you have the same amount of time as i do like. We all have one hundred and sixty eight hours in a week. Like bill gates the president. Like the bump down the street like we all have the same amount of time right. So how is it that we all like. There's certain people that achieve that seemed to achieve so much more like you're just standing there and all of them like how do you get so much done right. And then there's people that are just seemed to be in the same position day after day week after week year after year and just like just kind of tread water like how right you know you know probably different people along the spectrum but there's there's ways there's just so many different examples i can think of that. There's it's it's you can either go down this path of super productivity and be burn out as hell or you can go down this path of not doing anything and hating your life right. But there's a third option that not a lot of people think of and there's this option of actually doing the productive ineffective things well not burning out while not actually making yourself feel more stress and anxiety while actually living a happier in. I don't wanna say carefree life but just a less stressful existence right and that's kind of where the title of this show comes in into this concept in this procedure of finding ways to replace yourself right finding ways to systematize yourself. Now there are many of you have a business or you have a high level job or whatever it might be like. You're familiar with system. You're familiar with the processes in place that needs be consistent to achieve a similar outcome for every person every time every time a sale comes through every time a fulfilment task needs handled like whatever the case might be. But have you ever stop to think about how you can make that happen in your own life in your day to day existence. Right i was actually. I've been reading a book For the second time again called high-performance habits by brennan bouchart. highly highly. recommend this book It's it's a life changing book and we got it for like seven bucks on like it was super cheap to But burnham short. He's he's like man he's the personal development guru. He's like i would love to have him on the show one day. If you ever listen to this brendan like hit me up. Let let's make this happen. It'd be it'd be awesome But just to kind of synthesize. What kind of taking away. From that. As i go through the second time. Is this idea that you as a person or a system right you as a being not only inside of your Physical being but inside of your business inside of your career inside of your relationships right like the more you can become a system and become consistent. The better things are going to get for you right now. When we take this conversation. I really want to apply it into production inside of business careers making money that type of conversation right because one one thing i noticed I went through my journey right with building the the runway wage app with building. The run. your day podcast here with building. Run your day app with with doing other client apps for other people in clients that i brought on in my in my other business like there are so many menial repetitive tasks that come in with stuff whether it comes down to sales whether it comes down to lead generation when it comes down to social media posting content like there's so many things and then people start this business is oh i thought it was gonna be so easy and you're like but i have all these different things to do and now i gotta get sales now. I gotta do all this and it's like dude. You understand that like you're you don't have time for all this stuff like you don't have time for all this stuff. When it finally came to that realization my life changed forever right in in in in tandem with the performance habits. You know philosophy in book. I started to realize okay like if i can figure out ways to replace myself or systematize myself i can then take that menial task that takes me ten minutes to do every single day and get rid of that ten minutes in offloaded onto something else or a bought or a machine or an automated process in that ten minutes every single day right and this is hard like this is. This is a really hard concept mentally to grasp especially for people like me. Maybe like you. If you have your own business you started your own business because you want control of everything right like you i. I used to always think that i would. I would let control like release control of things. But i find myself being that typical type of entrepreneur mindset of like. I can't let this go like. I need to do everything i need to make. It's my baby right and it. It's hard it's hard especially maybe it might be easier if if you're in like a career type job or your manager or something like that where it's not really your your ass on the line right but when you find ways to automate things when you find ways to systematize things. I'm telling you like there are. There's such of level of freedom and efficiency that comes into your life and not only that but like your mental wellbeing right and a couple of examples. I'll share with you. Here are a couple of pieces of software that i use in my own personal life. That have really really helped me one is called. You might be familiar with this or or you might not be. But it's called. If this then that right i f t t t If this then that in it's an app that you can actually download in. I'm telling you like it. It is really really cool. You can get automated Spreadsheet entries you can do you know. Save money automatically you can do like. There's a whole bunch of things that i don't even know it can do that. It can do right. I do think like it used to be mostly free. I think now they have a paid subscription where you can only get so many of these things free but like basically right like if you get a response in g mail from a new person. It automatically saves their contact information. A spreadsheet or. There's like things to just help. You live easier in actually save those menial tasks that suck up your day all day every day right because it kind of goes back to that i matrix. I've talked about before. On the show. With stephen covey being sucked into that black hole of the knot important. Not urgent stuff right. The facebook stuff. The email filtering Scrolling through social media just like all this different shit right and another piece of software. That i've actually really really started to use in like is called zap ear It's pretty popular one. You probably are familiar with if you do any kind of online business or anything like that Maybe you're not so really if you're not familiar with zap here it's kind of the same type of thing if this then that But man even that like it is. It saves me so much time in my business for automation and sending automatic emails and collecting lead information. Letting letting me know. When i got a sale you know through The various channels my businesses and Just automating stuff like it really It really comes down to because like you gotta think like okay okay so some of these are paid subscriptions right like you pay. I think if this that's like five dollars a month and you get so many tasks to be able to do this right and you see you be sitting there like well. Is that really worth. You know the one thing. I use it for whatever but you got also think like is the five dollars or ten dollars a month whatever. It might be worth the time that you are sacrificing. Doing those things
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"One out of four women and one out of seven men in this country. The united states of america have been sexually abused. We have talked about it a lot on this show. It is in the news a lot every week. We get hundreds of letters from women who have lived with this secret for years because the nightmare of sexual abuse continues long after the molesting stops. If you've been abused yourself you may be surprised how it has affected you or you may be one of those women like myself who never even looked at your life to realize how what happened to you as a child has affected you. See if you recognize yourself any of these characteristics of women who have been abused sexually as children. do you have an aversion to sex. Were you sexually promiscuous as a child. Were you more sexually inquisitive as a child and your friends. are you leaning toward homosexuality or bisexuality. Drugs alcohol had. They played a role major role in your life. Are you a perfectionist. You have an inability to function. And you can't seem to get organized. You sometimes have flashbacks of the incident. And can't get it out of your mind and relive it over and over. Did you relive it as a child many times do you have an inability to have relationships. Have you been married many times. Multiple marriages spider woman type. You snare opposite sex only for sex. Are you over protecting your children. All of my audience members today have been sexually abused and some of the stories that you are here of are of a very sensitive nature so you might want to find something else for the children to do or you may if you are an open minded enlightened parents prefer for your children to see the show. I want to read you a letter that we received here on the oprah winfrey show. It is from one of the guests here today. Jamie she says. I've held the secret of incest and it's force within myself for over thirty years and i'm now ready to tell my story. It's a story of incest of sexual abuse. Physical abuse verbal abuse emotional trauma alcoholism. The sad truth is that just because the physical behavior stopped the damage remains. I've carried around my secrets for so long. Now that the secrets have become as big a problem as the actual abuse itself. and so. that's what this show is about. It is about what happens after the abuse jamie. Tell me what happened in your life. I was getting molested. I started getting abused by my brothers. When i was three and it stopped when i was around seven and they let their friends also abused me. I was sort of the like the doll in their life. And then i was getting molested by the man up the street. That was acted as grandfather until i was eleven. I was raped. When i was fifteen and i was pregnant at sixteen and i have two daughters now as a result. None of the rapes. I was married for about eight years. And i'm a recovering alcoholic. Can one of my daughters also recovered now. When you were being abused by the by your brothers did you know it was wrong. Or bad no they. They're my brothers. Were the only people in my family. That were nice to me. They weren't hitting me on one of nine children who's being beaten by both my mother and my father and my brothers they were always just nice to meet and they always were friendly with me and they never. I never thought they were me because they weren't hitting me kind of effect. Do you think it's had on your life those years from three to seven when you were being used by your brothers and to <hes>. Trying to form relationships. I don't have a real good track record with men at all. I've been married twice. And i seem to have a real difficult time in relationships with men in the last couple of years i've begun to form relationships with women because i didn't trust women either by relationships. You mean. Sexual relations friendships ships. I've been isolated. Most of my life and i've overprotected my children. I've i've kind of was the rebel though too. I've been loud and aggressive but so that no one would know what was really going. How do you see that the sexual abuse had any effect on all of these other things that have happened in your life or impact trying to just maintain and go about day to day life. It's for a long time before. I started talking about it. I would wake up in the morning and wonder why had woken up again. Why didn't just die during the night. Because i finally. When i went to therapy. I decided to have myself committed because every time i woke up. I didn't know what would happen during the day. I i held big joe. I had my kids. People thought i was superwoman. People thought i was friendly. One woman even said to me she thought. I never had had a sad day in my entire life. But that's because i was busy keeping the secret and the in. I couldn't let anyone know.
Inaugural poet Amanda Gorman: 'Even as we grieved, we grew.'
"Talk about Amanda Gorman, the poet. Who delivered her beautiful words at the inauguration yesterday. Gayle King revealed today that Oprah Winfrey gifted Amanda Gorman earrings and a caged bird rang to wear on Inauguration Day. You know, at 22 quite an honor, she is the youngest ever inaugural poet. And she had some serious star power supporting her. So she was able to have those those items from Oprah herself.
22-year-old poet Amanda Gorman delivers stirring inauguration performance
"Have heard about it by now. The words of the youngest inaugural poet in recent. Us history quickly spread around social media after she spoke on stage twenty two year old. Amanda gorman delivered her original poem the hill we climb. During yesterday's inauguration ceremony it was about overcoming obstacles coming together as a nation and taking part in positive change. Gorman told cbs news. She researched speeches. From abraham lincoln. And dr martin luther king as she began writing she told npr. She struggled to finalize the poem until the capital riots. Then she completed it that night. A variety of celebrities including oprah winfrey praised her performance online.
How to Save Your Marriage
"Going to promise you one thing and that is that we could save your marriage so many times on the show. We've talked about marriage problems and often the solution for serious problems is marriage. Therapy easy to say you'll go but many times the one spouse will not go so what we're going to do is try and make it easy for you as a gift. We're going to give you two free days of marriage therapy. You won't have the expense and you won't have to leave the house. Starting today you will get a chance to look inside a marriage therapy weekend and here is what you'll see. We took eight couples who all admitted their marriages were on the brink of disaster. They spent the weekend with dr horrible hendrix. Who conducts these marriage workshops across the country and in the course of the weekend amazing results happened. Marriages were saved. And today you can begin to say yours. Tim and vicky webster have been married now. For two and a half years they are separated and vicky is expecting their third child. My next couple. Layton and debbie. Clark have three children and i've been married for six years. Derek and valencia. Stevens have been married for five and a half years. George and beth pasta have been married fifteen years and they have two children. Randy and pam mal have been married over twelve years and they have two children. Joe and karen stricklin have been married now for two years and they have three children from a previous marriage. Jim and laurie tolliver have been married nine months. The last of the eight couples has the biggest obstacle to overcome. James and mimi had been married six years. Mimi has filed for divorce. They came to the seminar truly to save the marriage. James and mimi lacey also joining us the mastermind behind this particular kind of marriage therapy and the author of this book which the therapy is based on called getting the love. You want getting the love you want. It is a guide for couples. Please welcome our marriage man. Harvard this. I have been watching some of the tape from the seminar and it is it has helped me and my relationship tremendously really has really just in learning how to fight fairly and so forth. Why is this different. It's different because there's a focus on an understanding that couples issues arise out of their childhood. And that when they present themselves in the relationship we have to understand that they come from someplace other than just the marriage so the workshop helps couples understand that provides them with some tools experiences information to help them resolve those childhood issues in their relationship. So we take the position that divorce is not the solution to a marriage that Working on marriage and resolving the childhood issue is the solution. So when you're married to someone you have to look at them for everything that they brought to the marriage before they got there exactly. Yeah childhood most important. You have to look at the childhood issues that were brought knowing that most of the conflict couples experience in their relationship comes from unresolved pains and hurts in childhood that are presenting themselves in adult form in the relationship. And if you know that then you know you're relating to a person when they're angry at you or upset or acting sort of crazy and you don't understand what's going on that relating to a person who's wounded and hurt and are dealing with that wound and hurt with the only skills and tools that they now have and that what you have to do in a relationship is to acquire new skills to deal with the old issues they have to be dealt with and so. The exercise that we're going to see now is called container. Exercise called a container exercise and this exercise comes actually at the end of two days of very intensive work. So it's about probably sixteen hours into the workshop before you get to this before you can get to this part because it takes a while to get to these kinds of feelings and the container is an exercise designed to help a couple deal with. What is what. I call a residual childhood rage. The hurts and pains the feelings. That are leftover that are created when when his little and get hurt and so. That rage shows up in marriages as Anger rage hurt and so forth in this container helps you deal with that because it has to be dealt with and resolve it so that you feel closer and more intimate afterwards. It creates compassionate intimacy rather than the distance that comes with most fights nats call container. Why because one person has to just listen. One person has to justice and one is a container that is they receive and listen and the other person is asked to go into their childhood hurt. It starts with something that happened in the relationship but then there to push their anger into the childhood memory and then into that pain. So there'd be a lot of expressions of intense anger and then tears usually come and then after that some talking and then when couples are doing this and they're real life you know in their home or in the workshop they alternate one listens as a carrying holding nurturing parrot and the other one goes in becomes regress like a little child back into that paint. Oakland alternate
Do One Thing Differently
"Presently. We posted a question on our website. We asked what one thing would make your life better and we got three thousand eight hundred and forty responses almost immediately to that one question. What would make your life better. It's an interesting question to ask yourself right now. If i were to answer that question. Because i have a pretty good life i have to say. It's a wonderful life and what you see on. The outside is one thing but really i think the greatest thing about my life is that i have a great sense of inner peace that is sort of indescribable. But what would really make my life. Better is if these boots that i'm wearing today had come in a size ten instead of a size nine and a half because i was in that little fendi store and i you know how you really like it a lot and the lady says. I'm sorry we only have a half but they run big my feet not feeling that they run big right now so that would have made my life better if they came in size ten. All i can ask or some folks. Chicago had definite ideas though about the one thing that would improve their lives thing that my life better would be a fulltime housekeeper tans down probably a fulltime unpaid life assistance to follow me around and do whatever i needed them back and design my own man who have them show up whenever i want have believe whenever i want. Someone could walk my dog when it's raining or when it's snowing a couple extra hours in the day one thing that would definitely make my life better is if i could have lunch with your we shop and you can do my hair and then i can do your hair personal shopper. Drive through starbucks so i wouldn't have to get out of my car. Free parking thing that would make my life better is paying less taxes in each magic degree. better johnson. definitely more sleep. No telemarketers ever called. Our home in telemarketers are getting bad. aren't they so bad. I answered the phone so much. So now i answered the phone illu the other night i got one and they say you know just the owner of the home. No it was my answer. Some of the answers we got online. Where a little unusual light brook from colorado. Who wrote the one thing that would make my life better would be if someone would invent a portable doggy door. That's interesting that fits into sliding glass doors. Is well insulated and doesn't take handyman to install portable doggy door. Some of them were kind of pie in the sky to have a car and a driver. Someone said that's a nice thing someone to come in and do my hair and my daughter's here every morning that's good. I have that too. That's really that is really good. I know people say to me. How do you get your head like that. you yours could too if you had. Andre should see me on the weekend but we really won't go to the grocery store and the people you know 'cause usually you know people have a reaction because you walk in it's open then they don't know who i am have to say. Hello we'll be back in a minute but some of the responses we got. Were so doable. To stop watching so much television and get active to say goodbye to those people in my life. Who are not good for me. That was a lotta people. A lot of people have just say goodbye. We're going to talk about. How do identify the things that you do. Have the power to change and how doing just one thing differently can move you in the right direction. But i i wanna talk to lisa. Snugs lisa's answer to the question. What one thing would make your life better was similar to a lot of the messages we receive from wives around the country. And you wrote lisa speaking up for the wives around the country the one thing that would make my life better is if my husband would come home each day and give me a hug and kiss and say i thought of you today. Oh you're not alone. That is not happening and a lot of homes across america. I thought it was. I thought it's like ward cleaver comes home dear. That's not too busy. I think too busy busy well. This lisa's husband andrew were you. Were you surprised to hear that. That's the one thing not a chauffeur. I was a little surprised but you know we have very busy. Lives and take for granted. Sometimes the little things like that and we come. I come home and we both start doing our own thing and you come home and not even like smack sometimes seventy. Give me a mike. Go come on. Give me the real deal. I usually give the hug and the kiss in the morning before leaving and that ought to last for goodness sakes. What more do you wanna hug you this morning. And so you just come in and there's not even a howdy doody usually all there. Is you know just saying alone. We start you know doing things with the children and so
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"Hushes of your violent. I accept about his last time. It is your ability descends. What's going on around to to make sure you never get stuck in a situation where you're in danger of you see something going down really. Stay away from it because i might my biggest concern to safety view to all this next year. You have cash on you Somewhere so that him Or bring credit cards could get out of their gossip trying to avoid it. If a girlfriend of yours is telling me every secret about somebody else then you can be very sure that that rose telling your secrets to somebody else. Good motherly advice or not. Only has recorded a lifetime of motherly advice for her daughter. She's writing a book called. Prepare to die. Expect to live a checklist for us. All do you expect to live to see the book. I dissent every goal at it set. Yes i i hope to i. It's god's will now what's interesting to me is you have different. Goals are reading this that you just wanted to make her fifth birthday because the personalities pretty set by five yes yes and at the end of the fifth birthday i cried right because got it allowed me to see it because for years prior it was not looking that good that i would ever to the fifth but My mother had taught me that. The personality is set by five. We believe it now. Friend calls it the klay hardening really. Yes what's been the hardest for you throughout the whole process harsh scenes watching your and go through treatment. The cancer's not caused as much pain as the chemotherapy treatments and just having to to work with peyton and in kind of substitute mom when there's nothing better than the real thing has been the toughest. I'm convinced it's much harder to be my husband or my family watching going through this as opposed to me really why. I had an experience. When i was in high school where my boyfriend at the time was in a car accident and i had to stand beside him thinking he was going to die and going through tacoma that lack of control really prepared me to know what it's like to sit on his side. I knew it pain. I'm going through physically. And i can handle it but to watch your parents watch you possibly go before them or your husband standing there and holding me through a painful procedure where i have to scream out and him just holding my hand through it. I get the release. He doesn't it's hard. You say that you should explain death to a child because once you die your spirit leaves. Your body goes to heaven to be with god and that's how you all choose to explain it. Yes yes visit a funeral with your child and you've done that yes and explained by that. The spirits just gone one day. She came in from outdoors with cicadas. Schiller shell i said that's exactly what we've been talking about. How the keta leaves the shell behind and then we bury the shell in remembrance of that person so when we went to the funeral when we were burying someone she knew. We said that the body you know. Where is she peyton. She said no. She's in heaven that's just her body going into the greatest show yes it all makes sense to choose completely comfortable with it and so it wasn't the whole thought process. Death is not a shock tours as part of the circle of life of caution. We don't saturate her with the concept of death at all times. We slowly unraveled. i Yeah i would think that maybe some people think it's not true though the way it's been explained to me that because you've done these at the whole house that's all you ever talking about. I do when she's gone. She's gone upstairs. Sleeping's all right. You believe that that children to be able to express their own fears about death. Yes and independent on what age they are. Because i'm sure in your family you were. Were you all allowed to talk about it. Knowing your mom was going to die you were and did you talk about yes okay. Create a loving daily ritual to be shared by the healthy parent. You say yes. Create a charm bracelet. Purchase charms be given after the loved. One step well. It's lovely purchase a pet for your child to love far in advance of the expected debt. Yes yeah well for us because we only had one child they clearly have. The infrastructure thing is about continuity though you know to get something that's going to give continuity through a potential transition periods to build the The more that we think there is. I think it's we stand a better chance to make it through a potential hardship with her and that was what the dog was all about. So we go as selecting a caregiver when ahead and selected a kick go ahead and integrate into our house so that she would know my morals and values and know the routines and there would be consistency there to wow and the caregiver was somebody. You knew no. We interviewed for months long. Time a big interview situation to walk into me. You had a big issue. There ever was anybody was thinking about. I wonder if we could take in another child. I wonder if we could the malvolio a living example that it can be done. Do you feel blessed because of or stressed or or blessed end stressed. We believe that children are blessing. And just like most of us probably wouldn't say now. I don't want another present if children are blessings than we're richly blessed because we have eight more to add to our far we have twelve. Is it difficult. Yes sometimes times it is but mostly it is blessing. Wow do you find this encouraging toby. Yeah if someone can take eight they can certainly take into on a dog. Oh that's right. Don't forget lacy thank you. Thank you for sharing your stories. We wish you the highest vision that god health or your life to be reality for yourself. That's the true. Thank you so much. I'm oprah winfrey. And you've been listening to the oprah winfrey. Show the podcast if you haven't yet go to apple podcasts. And subscribe rate and review this podcast next week. Another oprah show the podcast. I thank you for listening..
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"Out and trying to nurture sauce steady recently from the aarp. They'd like two thirds of of the divorces theater for women who are forty or above are initiated by women. I think a big reason for that is that you allow these relationships to atrophy to such a point that it can't be developed anymore and if you build a situation where you've invested all of your time all of your motion all of your focus all of your intimacy if you will into your children which that is really what i l as focus that can intimacy has been transferred to elimination. It says in the article on those words. I'm sorry. I think you need to listen to what role in saying because rolling is saying something so clear which is the folk the the big question of that article and the question of everything that everyone is saying is which relationship is the primary. Where i'm saying is. I don't think that we necessarily should be looking to our children to give building blocks for for marriage. They're nine years old ten years old they don't have they don't have the perspective of longevity crack we do and so to ask nine or ten year old about these things in my view. Probably not even the great question but i can tell you this i will ask. I asked my twenty one year-old the same question and that's the response. They understand how important that marriage relationship was to make sure that they were security. You know when. I what what i view my job as a mother is is creating people who are secure and creating people have empathy for the world and creating people who are able to leave my house and go out. I'm all right without them. I don't want them to feel like they are everything to me. So the when they leap collapsed. I want them to know that. I have my own identity that i have my writing that i have my work that i my their father that i have that love is great. Love that i have for him and that they'll be fine when they're gone. I think when we have focused all of our identities on these children on these merrill tiny delicate shoulders. It's a terrible burden for them. You that i i. I think we agree that I think your number one job is apparent is to raise children who can go out in the world. And i think that maybe we that's what we are all striving for but we all admit now decided that it's done in spite of everything that we know A lot of people have done the opposite. You have more rain kids coming back home to stay now. Stay there before the mother is doing everything for you. And that doesn't tend to make independent is doing one question. I had with the one phrase. And i may have misunderstood it but when you said if god forbid one of them died i'd still have my husband and and to me kind of seem like you know but i'd still have my husband because he's going to be the one that's there in the end in spite of the fact that divorce rates over fifty percent. But but i'm just thinking wouldn't you're you being dark cloud for some years of me. Would you really be thinking. Thank god it has okay. That's just. I mean to say that. I that my husband is my primary relationship that i love him. The most doesn't mean that. I don't love my children. Of course i love them and the idea of losing them. When you play that game that god forbid game that i say is so horrifying to imagine. The idea of that is just overwhelming and devastating to me too. I'm not saying oh my kids. Think mom i people maybe that we might be responding is because another part of that statement was if i lost my husband. There'd be no joy. Wait wait there would be. It would be like the be off. I lost my children. I could move on a lot of fun. Imagine a life. Because i have a have to. I can imagine continuing alight but you can imagine continue. We know life with your husband. If your children were gone. Not not vice. I as i can i can imagine i can. I can if. I lost one of my children. When i try to imagine a future i can see that. Maybe one day down the road. I can see having some joy in my life. But i can't even imagine my life without my husband in a way. I'm i'm envious because you know one of my great fears. Is that like lynn. All wake up one day and find him gone. There's if like oprah's been saying there's a fifty seven percent divorce rate. My husband is a successful novelist. Twenty-three-year-old writers throwing themselves at him all the time. I'm five foot tall and a little chubby. And i'm getting wrinkles and i you know maybe he's gonna wanna be with some twenty three year old sex pot. I think there's a great balance. My husband and i have a balance. Where together we still have a great sex relationship. We don't feel great sex when you all know when we're sitting in that playground and we're sitting in that mommy. I'm sorry nobody's having cut. There's no no now it's ffa. Connie it if i was a turn off the cameras and everybody would get real here. I believe most people most people in this room are not having sex even weekly. I think women use the entire audience. What does this go that one out of five couples says they have sex us ten times a year. This has been very interesting. I thank you for writing the article. I think it's wonderful that you can get us to think about these things in a new way. I know It was so interesting because walking in the room. I could feel the tension you are like so you're very brave because you really are one of the first people i've heard in years. I had met you all to have this conversation. But i hear so many women saying they have you know given up on sex and they wish their husband would forget about it and go and do the business so to hear someone who speaks so passionately about it the way that you do at least given us to think about and opened up for conversation. Thanks everybody thank you. I'm oprah winfrey. And you've been listening to the oprah winfrey. Show the podcast if you haven't yet go to apple podcasts. And subscribe to rate and review. This podcast join me next week. For another oprah. Show the podcast. I thank you for listening..
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"From you. Want me to do what other people say. You don't matter but today when my friend calls or by whatever calls. I just don't want to be able to sit there and not answer the phone number one you buy time you say tend to request. Let me think about it for a minute. Hang up yeah could be. Let me pray on. It i go. Oh that's taken to. Jesus get back. Let's pray on it. Let me play on it. And that would at least give you time if they just wanna pocketbook. You know i cannot borrow your pocketbook. Let me take you to jesus and see what jesus has what you can say that. Oh excuse me. I need to go get something. Can i call you right back. Yeah phone or whatever and then you connect with what you want. What do you want right. That's the first question is now when you know what that is okay. I think by time by time by time. Let me think about it. Yeah so you're out what you want. Okay figure out what you want right. Third thing practice saying no so you have you know. I'm sorry i don't want to scare. It will scare you to death but you have to practice the no response before you're with the other person. I'm oprah winfrey. And you've been listening to the oprah winfrey. Show the podcast if you haven't yet go to apple podcasts. And subscribe rate and review. This podcast. join me next week. For another oprah. Show the podcast. I thank you for listening now. Does your all wanting to be healthier and that includes our in health. But how do you get vision coverage if you're retiring it's actually pretty easy. Vs the vision coverage many people get through work offers individual vision plans enroll anytime on any device can start using your benefits the same day. You don't need to be an employee to get employee level vision coverage visit vs p. direct dot com today. That's bs p direct dot com..
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"At me sudden he said. This piece. Yes it is piece. I loved this piece. And I realized that my child. Loved this piece as much as I did but he couldn't create it for himself if I could create it and give it to him. He would gratefully enter into it. So she stepped back to reevaluate their lives I think as parents we tend to offer our children too many choices kids can get overwhelmed by the choices if we have the inner strength to say, well, no, we don't really need to do that. Then children learn that life can be good since I found the confidence to make these choices for my children. I feel that my children are just breathing easier. I was really able to look at my kids and seat that I could only bring peace to my child when I felt peaceful as well. I I give myself a gift of a Yoga class and giving myself the skift I was also giving a gift to everyone else in the family because that sense of calm. Is Find it Yoga I. Carry Home with me I. think it's really important. For Women to honor themselves enough to take that time to do whatever it is that replenishes and refreshes. And just brings back that joy and life. Katrina story is told in her book called Mitten Strings for God reflections for mothers in a hurry. You also have a great idea for how your family now spend Sundays which is. My husband and I realized that what we really wanted was just more time to hang out together as a family and Sundays in our house were very much an extension of the workweek. They were like every other day except for the fact that we would buy doughnuts for breakfast and dropped ten pound newspaper on the table which no one ever had a chance to read anyway. and. So we decided that we would just try to reshape Sundays which meant we would no longer get up in the morning and start kicking things off the list and seeing how many errands we could do and maybe squeeze in a few hours at our desks and dash off to the health. Club. We would just hang out on Sundays. which is not to say that we wouldn't do anything we just we are going to be open to whatever good thing came our way, and by the end of Sunday, we were all feeling pretty refreshed ready to take on Monday you allow it to be your restorative day. We give it a we give ourselves a day of rest on Sunday wow and you know people have been doing this. For Generations. Most of us do have memories of Sunday's as the day when busy families switched gears and you know you would have the pot roast at noon and everyone would gather round mom and dad might go take a nap seemed very boring. The kids it'd be left alone to entertain themselves. Well, this is very radical. Now you know today if you give us an empty day, we fill it. So, we tried to empty it again. So Kathy, brought along some ideas for what to do when you finally take that precious time for yourself. They are. You can just pray and meditate. You can journal write down your blessings. On a candle some good music music is the language of the soul, some relaxing music and just think of your dreams and what who you want to be. You know we're all human you're not human being to a human becoming too. Who Do you want to become? It might be your day to take a bubble bath. It might be just time you might just have time to walk around the block or walk in the woods. Maybe it's only fifteen minutes at every little bit helps you can restore your soul renew your spirit in just a short amount of time. What do you do? Katrina I get out the door for me. It's just being outside and it might just be being outside laying in the grass looking at the sky, which is actually something I try to do every day and it's not enough to look up the standing because that's not resting flat down and I watched the clouds drift and if I've got a child nearby, I'll pull him in to if I don't get to do it while the sun is shining I do while the stars are shining really. Don't you think it's important to do I think it's important to set your day because I think you set your day because your co creating with the big guy you really are I have a moment every morning I go out to get the newspaper the most mundane thing in the world we all do it but I, walk out to the very front of my house and I just look up for a minute and I think they're all in their one. Still. Asleep. Husband's in the shower ones doing whatever and I just think this is home. This is the place that contains my family and I'm about to go back in there and what do I want to bring with me for all of us run for busy MOMS to get up just a little bit ahead of everybody else too so that they can get their head screwed on straight. It's been some quiet time thinking and praying about the debt will think so. Yeah for me, it's the morning while making the coffee you know and the Sun Right? A A Lake Michigan. So for me, it's like having sunrise faith is that moment where you set yourself for the day that you were open to the possibility that God has to offer yourself and and the day and I don't know how otherwise if you don't do it then your day just run you if like this is the. Day We have been given. Yes. You can forget yesterday it's a fresh slate. Kids love a fresh slate instead away between his book is called. mitten strings for God reflections for mothers in a hurry. Thanks to Cathy Peel again, her book is called be your best the family managers guy to personal success about treating your family like it is it is its own business and you need to manage that and give time back. I'm Oprah Winfrey and you've been listening to the Oprah Winfrey show the podcast. If you haven't yet go to apple podcasts and subscribe rate and review this pipe pass join me next week for another Oprah show the podcast. I thank you for listening..
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"Was always happy. Can you see how that might be influencing? Why was so important for you to go because it had been one of the happiest memories of her life. So understanding that now we can see that it wasn't as much control as concern. I want you to have a good time. This is the happiest time of my life. It was a mistake or a misunderstanding perfect code. Going on there. Yeah. You're right. It is. It's totally different changer way you feel about that now that promise experience that's exactly what we're trying to do here. Vital step is reconnecting with your family marked asked Neil joy and Shirley. For them to get along. Do you blame yourself for the distance between you and your children. Of course, I have to assume some responsibility in that. My kids think that I that I always have to be right. Joy especially and I. I don't know how to make. Make it any different To Change. Are you able to express your needs? Another No. Because she doesn't get it. Get it I and I and I don't have the tools or I'm not there are. I can't make her get it. What would you most want to happen? Acceptance would be nice. Just to accept who I am. What would you want from? Understanding. Openness. That they could accept me for who I am. They. Can See as the person Shirley not just mom. Yeah Well, unlike what see I wanted to be proud of me a woman. Know new. Book you said. Code One of the questions, how do you feel when you walk down the street with your mother and your siblings and and I guess that really ring a bell because. I, have a feeling that they'd like me to walk ten paces behind him. That's part right there. Because we love him. I. Hurt. I want to hear what you have to say, what were you saying? I would like her to be right there with with us how we are and be proud of us. Like we are of her that she would accept us and walk with us and not be embarrassed of us and not try to. Change US and and and just accept us. For who we are And how in how we are running our own life? May Be good or bad, and let us make our mistakes but still be there and support us when we make. But when having I supported. Can you tell me anytime that I haven't? You've always been there. Yes. Trying to fix us. Yeah, it's. They feel like they're not good enough I know I know not just being who they are because they feel like everything you do and say to them. Thanks to radio like it makes them feel like you want them to be or do differently than they are better. Did you better do better? which is it's. If you look at it. It's good but you really have to dig down deep. Every human being you what you're saying is no different than everybody everybody mouth. Is Looking. To value in their life. You know. Everybody is just looking to say why can't you love me for who went for WHO I am? Isn't that what everybody is looking for that? Exactly what we're doing here okay. 'cause I think it's a really loving act to be here. You wouldn't be tears everybody if you didn't love each other and we're going to keep working. Always show the. Chairman. Thank you so much. Thank you for your stores. I'm Oprah Winfrey and you've been listening to the Oprah Winfrey show the podcast. If you haven't yet go to apple podcasts and subscribe rate and review this podcast join me next week for another Oprah show the podcast. Thank you for listening Okay. So works done and your cravings, something spicy and salty I know. What idea snack on blue diamond was savvy and soy sauce flavored almonds they're so good and almonds are a superfood. Don't deny your cravings eat them. Blue diamond almonds crave victoriously..
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"Twenty five seasons. Four thousand five hundred sixty, one episodes I believe the Oprah Winfrey show was one of the greatest classrooms in the world rolling their bottom line, the moments, the breakthroughs, the connections, the occasional ugly cry. So terribly every single minute. L. O. ELL's. The moments that matter. I oblique light lessons never allow them to take you somewhere I'm bringing them back. It's time to open the ball. I personally chosen these classic episodes to share with you. Again, every single person you ever will meet shares that common desire they want to know. Do you see me? Do you. Hear me. That's what I say mean anything to you. You're listening to the Oprah Winfrey show the podcast. We have some interesting guests here today. There are people who feel deeply ashamed of something in their past. There are a lot of us who carry chamber a long time one of those people who finally got over it but some of the people here today have buried the truth. So deeply they thought it no longer affected them. Shame always does, of course, the truth is always there for us to Confront Melissa England says it shame has ruled her life since she was just six years old and that's when her entire world crumbled in front of her is. Father, who worked? When had a mother? who was a stay at home mother? We had house like everyone else's we played outside. It may have looked like a happy childhood but hidden behind the smiles were parents who constantly. The one day when Melissa was six years old a disagreement over how to spend a day turned deadly the argument escalated my father left the house. Came back in the house. With a gun. And he pointed the gun at her and he told her to turn around. and. I thought she was watching me and I was so angry with my father it was too overwhelming to understand hid just shot her. Took me outside and he wrote me. and. Then he went back in the house any locked in my bedroom and he went back into the bedroom and killed himself. I think from that moment. I stopped being a child. Melissa under brother were sent to live with their aunt and uncle they told her that talking about what happened would destroy her life. If people knew where I came from, they would put me away. I would be ostracized would be isolated so I became something new. It's a secret she has slowly begun to share, but she still feels like a prisoner of her childhood. I don't believe I was born with original sin I believe I was born with original shame. Well Melissa is here with us. She says that she feels ultimately responsible for what happened. Do you still? Yes I've. I've done a lot of work. I've done a lot of therapy but. Some hard and I couldn't get something from my parents and I thought it was me and I. I wanted to be loved and I wanted them to live and I wanted them to do something that I thought everybody else's parents were doing. And I couldn't get that. At six years old though you're six years old when this happened and now as an adult. What we're trying to understand because we all hear that story and we feel sadness for the little girl who had to go through that. But it's difficult to understand how you as an adult. Now looking back on that time can still feel that you had something to do with your father going. Asking your mother to turn around and shooting her. In. Cold blood which just hard to see that. Part of what I think my shame is is that I couldn't get from my mother this love I remember arm. Going back away from me. and My mother and father argued because my mother couldn't get somewhere. So my father. My father loved her daughter wanted to get close to her. That's how I saw. I wanted her to buy also wanted to go away I thought just my wanting her to go away caused that to happen I was so afraid to look at this I thought I was the one who pulled the trigger. I wanted to be loved and I'd wanted my mother to go away and my dad to love me because of she couldn't love me. I, wanted my dad. He feels. Everybody wants. Some part of me thinks I caused it my wanting that I wanted so bad i. made it happen I wanted to be loved and I must not have done it. Right My. Father Kills my mother. He goes back in the house. He kills himself. He leaves me I'm not enough for him either. Mahal message has been whatever I am wasn't good enough wasn't enough. No he wasn't enough for himself. He wasn't enough. bestselling author and lecturer John Bradshaw has written several books about shame including healing the shame that binds you, and so no matter how much you've done we can all see you still got to do. Welcome back to the show John Thank you what does she now need to do Well, there are a lot of things she can do. One thing is that it can't be done quickly but you and I were just talking and I said if you had that six year old little girl just imagine what would you say to her? What what would you tell her that? Six Year old little girl? Witness this awful thing that's beyond my imagination even my favorite words no one's I tell my kids it's GonNa be alright. Alright no one told me. It was going to be alright ever so you can tell yourself that. It's going to be all right and I was afraid to look at her because I thought there was something so ugly about her I couldn't picture for the longest time and the Niger Self Oh right when I tried to imagine when they'd say go through this this imagery, you have this child that comes into your room and I can't look at her she's dirty and she's a and she's in a corner and she won't turn around. That's how I pictured. There was a moment where with the help of therapy I turned her around and I held her and I told her I loved her I told her shoes remarkable to live through something. So horrible in that, there was a possibility that this life I had could.
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"Twenty five. Seasons. Four thousand five hundred, sixty, one episodes. I believe the Oprah Winfrey show was one of the greatest classrooms in the world rolling narrow bottom at line the Aha moments the breakthroughs, the connections, the occasional ugly cry missing so terribly. Every single minute the L. O. ELL's. The moments that matter. I oblique light lessons never allow them to take some words I'm bringing them back. It's time to open the vault. I personally chosen these classic episodes to share with you. Again, every single person you ever will meet shares that common desire they WanNa know do you see me? Do you hear me that's what I say mean anything to you. You're listening to the Winfrey, show the podcast. I'm excited about the possibility that this show can offer to all of you within the sound of my voice right now because when I decided I was going to continue with television. I. Wanted to be able to use it as an instrument a vehicle to try to bring meaning to people's lives so that something we might say something you might hear might create a spark that would create something inside yourself with touch some part of yourself that would make you live better do better. Create the highest vision for your life, and this is this show is spectacular today in terms of being able to bring you to that. If you pay attend, you pull up a chair I know right now children are running around the house. That I know you know not to be thawing the chicken out who did you on it in the microwave? Hit. Pause, on that right now. Call your friends tell them if they can't watch right you should really take this because this is really important important for you and even more important if you could share this with your children because if there's one thing you should know if you want to have a better more meaningful, fulfill deeper richer existence, it is this that the world and everything in this world that this physical reality that we are experiencing right now operates under certain laws y'all know that. And it supersedes everything. It is real and as consistent as the scientific law of gravity or the physical law of cause and effect, and once you begin to understand how the world operate and how fair and just it really is no matter where you are in your life right now, you then can begin to learn to be a more powerful person. So this little book if life is a game these. Are The rules explains ten rules of universal wisdom if you understand and follow them every day every moment, which is hard to be in there. Every moment I'm telling you and we all struggling you'll have a better life and better relationships in your life because you come to know yourself better doctor. Cherie Carter. Scott, is the author of if life is a game these are the rules coming up in. Telling you. Thank you. Read that is great to get a standing ovation. Yeah. Open your mouth yet. How did you come up with these rules? It was in nineteen, seventy, four and somebody turned to me. I was creating a course to teach people how to coach other people and he said, you know it would be so nice if we just had a handbook for living, why don't we have some kind of rules for being human and I said that's it we need. The rules for being human and turned to me and they said, well, what are they and I said, well, you start with the body and they said Okay and then we're and all of a sudden it was as if spirit inside me was speaking and they came through under the paper and there they were plain and simple and I looked at them and I said. I don't know if I'm brilliant enough to create those I listen and I, allowed it to come through there they are. Okay. Rule number one is you will receive a body. So. Who in this room received the perfect body and you know it was just the right one for. You. No. Problem because if we did get that body and we said you know, thank you that's the one I ordered and it's exactly got it would be a different rural but I bet if you look around this room, you see somebody else that's the body I should have gotten. No, that's the one I should've gotten and you would trade you do an exchange but somehow that's not the way it is we are given a body and it's the one that we are meant to make peace with. The rule is you you going to receive a body? Yes. Otherwise we wouldn't be here. Exact. That's how we moving around in the body. Yes, and you may love it or hate it but it is yours for the duration of your life on absolutely. Okay. It's only when you got but yet the reason why so many people have their greatest pain and struggle in that body. Absolutely. Okay. Dinky says she's a perfect example of this rule and what dinky definitely. So much of our society looks at people by their body type and. How they come across in their body, I suffer from gaining weight losing weight gaining weight losing weight. You know just like why do people do? I know I have every reason in the world to be happy. And I have this void within myself and I don't know how to fill that void. I don't know how to to get to the core. Okay and you want to do something with me a little exercise fast close your eyes for second take a deep breath. And ask your body what it wants to say to you that you're not listening to. Deep Breath. Just, have it speak to you and say whatever the words are that you hear. Expecting respect me what else? I'm here for I'm here for you. What else? I do a lot for I do a lot for you and what else? Take Care of take care of me, open your eyes do you hear it? It's speaking to you. What do you need to do differently in your life to honor those words from your body to you? I need to respect my body. And is it look like to you? What does it look daily life? Oh it's terrible. Was My body for you to respect your body. You need to. Do differently. Starting today starting today. Yeah. I will dress it up when it wants to be dressed up. L.. I will constantly wear my smile that I always have. Anyway there's beautiful teeth. Thank you. I will exercise it and nurture it and feed it I. Think the nurturing thing is the big thing I haven't been doing. Okay. So you don't feel word what does the nurturing look like to you? What do you need to nurture this body to care for it to do what the body wants to? Move Dance. Move I'm I'm a machine, my body what do you say body when it says dance move move with me what do you say to it? GimMe some use What music do you love? What sets your heart on fire? Any Music? Okay. When are you going to start putting the music on? Now. They tell my as soon as I get home soon as you get home. A pet you're going to do that you can start doing that. Yes. To a key thing. Here's your body's talking to you. It's letting you know what it wants. It's letting you know how to care for it, but you're not listening. You're closing ear to you're saying too busy. I'm too busy with the kids too busy too busy with this. I don't have time for you body. Leave me alone, right right. What you need to do right now is when that body tugs at your sleeve and says dance. Nurture me take care of me. Respect me. You need to stop what you're doing and you need to honor your body. Because, it won't get big on you if you're paying attention to it. The reason your body gets big is because you're ignoring and it saying to you I'm here dinky..
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"If you're both pessimists. Then, you're in trouble. Really you kind of doomed, aren't you? Well, what happens is. Your spouse does something you make the most pessimistic interpretation of it. She hears that interpretation. She makes the most pessimistic interpretation of you, and then it's off. Your hijacked your hijack. Which means, you can't think straight literally all right? You guys are optimists and pessimists who? You're the optimism pessimist and you're the pessimists. I wonder if there have been studies about whether, women are more optimistic. Or pessimistic. There no real sex differences. Pessimists are not. There are sex differences in high Q. versus low are they're not only in different parts of it. For example, women are more empathic than men, but men are better at controlling certain motions in women's, so it evens out. Okay, so how does your pessimism manifest itself well? The money and discipline the children and My life seems like always got the bomber part of it. He's got the fun part being sales. Getting out and He has the fun part. You have the bummer part. Counting and respectful and I think that's the way you have to deal with people by being courteous and respectful, and that's just a natural to get where you want to go. Okay, so you're saying that's what you are, and that's what she is always trying to be respectful. Courteous, and your wife is also we kind of balance. Each other I think works out very well you do. Did you know she was such a pessimist when you married her I had an inkling. But you're optimistic. Outlook made you think you could change it right well I. Don't think you can remember really changed anybody which coexist. He worked together, okay. This woman had a point Becker standup. Yes, Ma'am! Talking about this Q. You're talking about. It's more a person hood. People getting a sense of who they are. You find out who you are feel good about who you are. Then it helps through to understand others, and that temporary thing. We talked about early. Yeah I. Think it's a cop out. It's a person who has lack of self control, and we see so many faults little things. Throw us off with others this because those tendencies within ourselves that we don't want to accept, so we transfer to somebody else. Thank you a wise one. Thank you. Training and emotional intelligence can also ward off emotional illness. Here's an astonishing fact in this age of self esteem that reliving and teaching kids to feel good depression strikes one quarter of American children. Doctor Seligman is helping to change a lot of this. In Philadelphia children are being taught emotional skills. That could depression proof then for life. Dr Martin Seligman recognized that children. Most likely to become depressed were stuck in bad thinking patterns. They were pessimists and I'll give you one of the three really pessimistic thoughts. This is the hot seat. Only reason this this skill works is because you convince yourself that your pessimism is unfounded. Children are taught to argue with their own negative thoughts and defend themselves against pessimism. You're supposed to watch a little sister after school. You start talking to one of your friends and you lose track of time by the time you get home. You're half an hour late and your mom is very angry. That's a situation and here's your I thought. I can't be trusted everything up. That's not true because usually I don't forget and I take care of my little sister all time so. It works out. That's perfect. That was one of his great ready. I hate my sister always getting in trouble. It's not true because a lot of times when there's nobody else to play with, do anything with. She's there and I can just mess around with her. Saying it out loud makes it second major. How did he fight back against those thoughts? What was he doing? He was saying evidence and he was mentioning different times when he was responsible, and then he could like. Do stuff sister right? A feeling can't be stopped, but we can all change how we think about that feeling, and how long we allow it to last. You were daydreaming and social studies class when the teacher calls on you. You didn't hear the question and when she repeats it. You don't know the answer. All right I thought I. Never know any of the answers. That's not true because I know. A lot of the answers is just at one time I mess up. Optimists believe defeat is only temporary and attitude that war doc, depression. It makes me feel good inside that I don't have to feel like things are permanent all the time. The optimism training works so well. It reduced depression in children by half. It's helped me like just stop and think of something that's positive by the situation something negative and usually the positive rides negative. Doesn't that warm your heart. It warms my heart to know that somebody else. That's what you give me learning. I think that's terrific. What you both are doing because that really is a better citizen to be a better person in the world I think it is. We've got such a sweeping epidemic of depression in kids that in the schools we can teach kids first to recognize the catastrophic thoughts they say to themselves when something bad happens, and then we can teach them the skill of disputing those thoughts in the same way. We disputed if some external rival. Made, those false accusations I thought this would be a really popular class to. Kids enjoy doing this very much. Unlike many forms of treatment like dieting, for example, which it's no fun to keep refusing chocolate cake once you become an ace dispute or of catastrophic thoughts. No one hears going to like me. You feel good right away, so the kids get better and better, and in these studies we find the kids get less and less depressed over time. Parents and teachers can adopt technology to make their children more optimistic. Emotional coaching from parents and teachers is I believe our best hope for the end, the epidemic of depression and violence in our children it goes way beyond depression and violence. Actually every parent should see themselves as the teacher. The teacher the. The kids and news time the moment when a kid is upset as a time to really get in there and teach him. Don't say it'll go away. Don't get mad at them for you know. Don't talk to me like that. Get in their help. Kid understand why they feel. That might help them calmed down. Help them think it through and help them think of many more things they can do in that situation options emotional choice. That's the name of the game, and you can teach your kid how to rethink a situation. You know you're hurt because she wouldn't play with you. Calm Down, go back! Suggest a game you can both play. We know these things you can. Do that Mr in the hardware store with the vast. Well, you never see them. For kids they were setting the circuitry down in the first place. It's never too late for us. It just takes a little longer. Little more participants don't give. I'm Oprah, Winfrey and you've been listening to the Oprah Winfrey show the podcast if you haven't yet apple podcasts and subscribe rate and review this podcast, join me next week for the Oprah show the podcast. I thank you for listening..
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"How are your children being affected by the disintegration of the American family in a recent news week poll, half of the people ask said that their families are in worse shape now than they were ten years ago and no wonder, the divorce rate has doubled since nineteen, sixty five and experts say that one third of all children born in the eighties will live in A. A stepfamily before they grow up on top of that one of every four children lives with a single parent and twenty two percent of today's children were born to a teenage parent, and when it comes to who is watching our children. Two thirds of all mothers work outside the home. If you feel that your family is going a little helter skelter, everybody doing their own. Own Thing and the family unit is falling apart, or if the people you call your family, don't fit the traditional description like the cleavers or the huxtables. We want you all to join family unity workshop. We asked to our studio audience to take several tests so that we could find out how healthy their families are, and now we want you to test your family's health. Health, too, so get a pencil and paper and take this first test. It's called the family rituals test, and the test is taken from a fascinating book written by one of our favorite guests on the Oprah Winfrey show Dr Paul Pearsall renowned family psychologist, and it's called the power of the Family Paul. Glad to have you here. Thank you glad to have you once again. Well. I know the audience is already taken. The test and I went over the test. And what does this ritual tell us know it's a strange thing. Many of the couples we interviewed families didn't have time to take the test because we're too busy to look at one of the family had rituals or not, and one mother looked at me and said we have the Dooby Doo Bee. Doo Syndrome in our family. I said what's this dooby? Dooby Doo Bee Doo, she said we spend too much time doing and not enough time being so the rich test is a measure of whether or not you really give dignity and celebration that the simple daily acts of family life, or you just run right past them and have separate breakfast separate dinner, separate bed times and live alone, even though you're in a group, dignity and celebration I like those choice of words what it sounds kind. Kind of Corny to say that, but we found families that would eat in quiet or fight during dinner. They'd take a bite and say well school Goin- what you're telling me shut up. Don't pick on your brother I've had it with you. This is enough to. Did you enjoy dinner eight? That's really what's happening and it's not that the family is failing. We are failing our families, and if we don't make enough time at least a. A Saddam most families didn't even sit down for dinner. That's what the ritual test. Let's see. I think children are in crisis in this country, but children are in crisis only because families are in crisis. That's where it starts. That's what we think that these children just didn't refer to their families much anymore. Children are aware of rituals. They'll pointed out to you. Sometimes. They'll say mom we. We always used to do it that way. We shouldn't do this even the simple act of saying grace I. Don't mean to get too pushy about those type of things, but we saw people. Sam So fast. You couldn't tell her saying grace. Somebody be grabbing, food. What happened to the idea of just sitting down a moment, you know the old idea we used to say. Sit Down and shut up. Okay I. Tell You what we wanted to do. Now. Let's go through the test. Can we do that? The test of the family rituals and our audience is already answered these questions, and perhaps maybe if you watching it home with answer these questions, you'd get a clear idea about where your family is right now I. Question. Does your family move is one unit when it walks a group or does someone dragged behind? I found that very interesting because I said. If you're walking down the street, everybody can't walk at the same time. Honesty families go to shopping centers and you'll see these somebody's lagging behind. The fodders looks discussed. It I'll go sit there. You go shop. I'll meet you in the lot. If you'RE GONNA. Do it. do it together. Okay now. Who who answered that question? No, now why why Antonio Yep? Because whenever I'm walking with my husband, he's either always pushing the child or walking the dog, or whatever so he's far ahead or five behind and there we go as a separate unit else walks is a separate unit. I know. Some people lied on the test to see that. Some people lied on the tests. They want us to think they're to huxtables, not only lie, but some people don't pay enough attention to. My husband is sixty five. He always walks a few steps ahead of I'm always behind standard. Intentional! I tell stem this all the time, too, because his legs are so long that when he takes a step, I have to take one and a half for every step that he takes so we're in the airport and I'm looking like we're from foreign country. Walk Twelve paces behind. A lot I sometimes have to turn around and wonder why she's like a blockbuster. Because your legs are so much longer. Yeah, okay. What does that really isn't the walking style you? Yes, it's certainly cause I'm kind of Tom Lanky to my family alive behind, but this issue the attitude while you're doing this. Is there some attempt interesting family say come on, catch up. Let's all go look at this rather than I'm going to the store you go to. The dresses will lose the kids if we can and will meet in the lot, it's really the attitude is not just the distance. Doesn't that mean in some way that that person feels separate from you? Well, that's the tragedy. Tragedy sounds a little corny, but it's just like we're not really doing this together. We're going to get hurt close. He's gotTa get three pairs of slacks. I'm sick of the shopping any way faster. We get it done. The better somebody's disgusted. That's not doing it together. That's not a ritual. It's a routine routine is just getting done. Ritual is a celebration of the doing
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"The Oprah Winfrey show was one of the greatest classrooms in the world. A rolling never thought of it that line the off moments, the breakthroughs, the connections, the occasional ugly cry. So, terribly. Every single minute to L. O. ELL's. The moments that matter. I O blue light lessons never allow them to take you somewhere else I'm bringing them back. It's time to open the ball. I've personally chosen these classic episodes to share with you again. Every single person you ever will meet shares that common desire they WanNa know, do you see me? Do you hear me. That's what I say. Mean.
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"Twenty Five seasons four thousand five hundred sixty one episodes. I believe the Oprah Winfrey show was one of the greatest classrooms in the world Rolling never thought of it that way. The moments the breakthroughs the connections the occasional ugly cry so terribly every single minute the L. O. Ell's the moments that matter. I opening light lessons..
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"Taught me early that love hurts and therefore as long as my wife continue to cook clean beat me. I'm GonNa always be there because sharing is caring and love hurts. I learned early and I think that's a real good lesson but I don't think it only hurts and I don't believe that beating children is an act of love. I don't believe that well of course it feels good sometime to John. Yeah I mean I want to say well look if it hurts you more than me. Let me do it to you and I sure don't want you to hurt here but I think that the point is good. That look if love was easy. We'd all have it. It's not easy and that's another thing that we've got to learn that it's GonNa time it's going to take attention it's GonNa take effort is GonNa take commitment. It's going to be a decision much. More than a feeling in love is a feeling love is a decision and I think. That's a real important distinction. Now if you grow up in a family and you can never have your own will then. How can you make a decision? Because you've never been allowed to make a decision so when you're in your fault self you're just a robot acting out a roll of fault cell. So in love is feeling love itself as a decision absolutely at least that's a major distinction as I said earlier. You speak a lot about soulful love. How do we begin to find that? Well I call soul. Whatever is most human? Ns like soul music soul food. Soulful love is when we're being the most human being human means imperfect limited not having unrealistic expectations. The wounded child wants the unconditional love of mother. But I can't expect that of my wife or my spouse or the person I'm in a relationship with adults have conditional love that is we contract. I love you you love me. The child expects unconditional love so when people get married they start making demands. You never can't you ever and I always and you never and you hear children just screaming at each other to very deprived. Children screaming for the developmental needs that they didn't get. That's what's so interesting about marriage if you don't understand how marriage works out really works because you pick as you say in your book as a number of people have written about this also that you pick the person who has the traits of your parents and most of the negative traits of your parents. So it's like two four year olds coming together. I draw little pictures a big people and little people and there's a contract between the big people I will love you forever and the kids are going. Oh Boy oh boy. You're my father. You're going to be the father I never had. You're going to be the mother I never had. It's an unrealistic expectation. So what's going on in your marriage? Well we're separated in trying darndest to work it out. We were married. We've been married for two and a half years when we were married. We brought our childhoods into our marriage not knowing what they were and it exploded interface. Someone told me I'd marry someone just like my dad and I did. I did most people do though. That's the mystification that were walking around in a kind of a trance. Forgive you know first thing to do is forgive yourselves? You did the best you could. Second thing is you're responsible for your wound. And he's responsible for his wound if you try to make him take care of your wound and he tries to make you take care of his wound it work. Then you're back in the source relationships for example I have engulfing issues with women because my mother more or less engulfed me. So what happens when I start getting too close? I want out of there okay but I always find women who have abandonment issues. You get this so the second. I'm getting out of there. They're going crazy over here now. What I've learned and what I'm creating in a relationship is that I'd take responsibility for my wound right. I'll say look. I'm in my wound right now. Are She might say. I'M IN MY WOUND. And then we negotiate. But I don't try to take care of her wound or else. I'm back in my source relationship Sam back trying to make my mom happy and that so interesting. Don't you think this interesting? Because that's what people marry for a married Mary. Because you want that person to take care of your rulings. And the person never can take care of your. Whoa now. They can't do it because you would have to be a child again and they would have to be your parent absolutely. Does it ever work? Well it works if two people you know like I say we have to grow up. We have to embrace our loneliness. I am responsible for my wound. I can't blame that on my mother or anybody else. I need to fix it. I need to grow up. That's you know that's the issue. When I'm willing to do that I can say look. I'm this is about me and my history. It's not about you. I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. I need a day by myself and two people can contract that and work it out. But isn't the problem in a lot of marriages that the person thinks the other person is causing their problem that they don't relate the problem that's going on in the marriage to whatever happened with the wound. Think the spouse is the one who's creating the problem for them absolutely. I think if you're never getting your own needs met if you're angry all the time are you're depressed all the time that somehow love causes both of you to grow. And if you're not growing you're not expanding then call it something else but I wouldn't call it love. The other piece of it is is that I've been very critical of people in my relationship because what I learned in my shame was all or nothing I tried to be more than human perfect judgmental critical are less than human. Just be a SLOB. I just go back and forth between the two. Somehow the love is based on healthy. Shame what's healthy. Shame I make mistakes. I'm limited. I'm not God that I'm human and the person I'm with her I'm GonNa find the pantyhose all wadded up in the corner. It is going to be the you know the mother Theresa and I've gotTa get it that to be. Human is to be fallible to make mistakes and that. I really accept that in my partner. I accept their idiosyncrasies and their bills. Okay except my so as you were saying that about marriages and how you have to fix your own wounds. The question is. Are you both willing to do that? I can speak for myself. I've I'm in a program right now. We're kind of redefining. What I am myself learning about all the things that happened in the past with my my parents and I think only by route redefining what I am. Will we have a chance to work together? Redefining and then taking responsibility for yourself. Exactly I really support you in. That really sounds good. Both of you. Yes you wanted to say what I've been doing. A lot of work on the inner child work and learning to love my inner child. And what I'm having a problem with is the fact that when I was young I learned that the only person I could trust was myself I had to find my own survival skills to get through life. How do I get rid of those and that person because that person got me through it? Sure well you see. There's sort of two extremes one is that you just get totally absorbed and enmeshed you become confused with the people you're with the other. Is You isolate? Put a wall around you. Say I don't need anybody I can make it and what you're describing is more that second one so it's once again you're GONNA have to risk coming out. You're going to have to risk letting go of your own self sufficiency and learn to rely on somebody. I mean it's been one of hardest things for me to let somebody take care of me because it's scary to me. You've been the caretaker. Caretaker feels too vulnerable but like in my workshops. Now I have a guy that takes care of me. I just take the brakes and see. I've found that by letting someone else in like that. I'm really making contact that I've never made before and letting the person I love. Take Care of me at times and not always being see. Caretakers are always in control. That's another thing to remember that one of the cover ups for toxic. Shame is to control everybody. Then you can never catch me off guard then I can never be exposed so so real. Soulful love means equality that each one of us are willing to give up control. I had a point in a relationship where my the lady I said you go to therapy with me and I went out just a minute. I'm in my head I did this. I'm not going to your Mickey Mouse. Therapy hit all this. I went and it was the best thing I could have possibly done. Because it was a symbolic act of giving up control. If you will like to just read for the closing here what you say in the beginning of the book you say Love Yourself or creating your trans love yourself for being willing to see how you created it and how you may still be creating it. You can stop doing it now. The danger has passed. You saved a child from dying. You saved yourself love yourself now for the hope that you have. You wouldn't be working on yourself if you didn't have hope thank you much. I'm Oprah Winfrey and you've been listening to the Oprah Winfrey. Show the podcast if you haven't yet go to apple podcasts. And subscribe to rate and review. This podcast join me next week. For another Oprah show the podcast. I thank you for listening..
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"Twenty Five seasons four thousand five hundred sixty one episodes. I believe the Oprah Winfrey show was one of the greatest classrooms in the world Rolling never thought of it that way. The AHA moments the breakthroughs. The connections the occasional ugly cry so terribly every single minute L. O. Ell's the moments that matter. I opening light lessons. Never allow them to take you somewhere else. I'm bringing them back. It's time to open the ball. I personally chosen these classic episodes to share with you again. Every single person you ever will need shares that common desire. They want to know. Do you see me. Do you hear me. That's what I say mean anything to you. You're listening to the OPRAH WINFREY. Show the PODCAST SO. I have a confession to make. And that is that in spite of all the support. I have and I have a lot of people helping me do what I do this show in particular and all the help that I have at home. There are days when I feel completely overwhelmed. Anybody else feels that way so I really cannot imagine what it is like for mothers. Who is I've been saying since I've been doing this show? I think mothers have the hardest job on earth whether you work in. Stay inside the home or outside the home. It's just the most difficult job on earth. It's often not acknowledged so the thought of not just taking care of myself but also an entire family makes my brain wanted. Implode sometime so really. I honor those of you. Who Do this job? Well of raising your family's today show is for anybody who feels are has felt overwhelmed. I am telling you your wakeup call to slow down. Because what happened to my guests could so easily happen to any of you. It was very hard trying to be the perfect mom and the perfect employee. I've said so many times I try to be everything to everybody. And he goes back into the job when the kids in the friends. And I've always been the kind of person that lived for doing things for other people. Brinda slobby says it being an assistant? Principal and mother of two was a constant challenge. Because.
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"My second victim didn't tell. Yeah okay. Is there anything your victim? Your five year old victim could have done to stop you know if she told the first time that might have stopped me for a little bit because when she told it didn't stop me. Is there anything that five year old could have done to have stopped you? Had she known more yes she could she just told me no ramble and I had so much low for that. I wouldn't have that I feel in my art. That's what I would have done. Is there anything your daughter could have done to have stopped? You did to turn me very proud of her for that. She's every right to protect yourself and I'm glad you took that initiative to protect yourself into your child's cues and if you think listen to me now you think something is going on you're saying to yourself that doesn't feel right or that seems a little weird then it probably is. That's called instinct. That is the warning. And that's the sign and that's what it feels like so if your child watching this and it is happening to you the best way to make it. Stop is to tell somebody and if they don't believe you you keep telling until somebody does because molesters do not want you to talk. Tell Somebody Today. I have felt this for years. That this whole issue of molestation sexual abuse is so misunderstood. -solutely it's so misunderstood. Because everybody thinks what you read in the paper is what is happening to every child right and they think that's what's happening you know. My child would tell me right. Somebody was torturing them or if it was a horrible experience I think the unspoken shame is that for millions of us who were molested. It was not at the time horrible. It was not a horrific experience because if somebody is treating you horribly and causing you pain you are going to tell and every molester knows that is that not true. Do you feel that? You've been cured by the therapy process by your probation. I think I am being cured. I do not think I am there yet. Would you trust yourself around children? I try not to be around children because I do. I like children too much and so I just won't be around. Is it like being an alcoholic where you have to work on a day at a time that every day? You're working on it. Darren young believe so because I can't say I'll never offend again because if I get back to the dark place I was before I could possibly offend again. I think the difference is now is that I recognize the pain. I've caused at the time of my offense. I was not recognizing the pain causing. I don't want to hurt anybody. You offend again. No I can say I will not offend again. How do you not back then? I wasn't a happy person using drugs so I was drinking. I didn't care who I heard it was like I didn't have any feelings toward anyone in the world and now I've got these tools to help me with my triggers to help me with my inner problems. I feel happy if I put you in a room with a group of gorgeous fourteen year old girls. Would you be a danger to them? No you would not. Will you ever offend again? Probably not I mean. It's it's not something I can never say. An absolute already crossed. That line wants and being in therapy. Now I've had a good long look at a lot of really deep horrible issues that I have with me and I'm always going to be a damaged person but at least now I can see that I can work on it and I can you know I can live my life being a better person. Well these are four guys who are willing to talk about it. There are obviously millions. Who would not? So I want to thank David and Darren and Leeann Robert for being so candid and open and their therapist. Don Horowitz per person for lending her support and it is really my hope having been talking about this for years and years that this conversation opens a lot of eyes and minds and hearts by everybody. I'm Oprah Winfrey and you've been listening to the Oprah Winfrey. Show the podcast if you haven't yet go to apple podcasts. And subscribe rate and review. This podcast. Join me next week. For another Oprah show the podcast. I thank you for listening..
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast
"Be shaped forward on a lot of sexual partners and I've done some pretty bad things like I smoke a lot of weed. Which isn't good. Tell us more sexual partners. Throw it out appoximately number. It's been like twenty two maybe tells How you felt through these experiences about one or two of them were cool but like the the ones are just like robot. I don't know I just. It wasn't really anything but doing that. As a robot makes you feel it made me feel like better. Do you feel that. That's pretty much the most important thing you have to offer men pretty much. It's it felt like it's made me give up guys and there's a person that I'm talking to. That is a girl to lot easier in. Phils more natural for some reason with these guys I haven't done anything sexual with her or anything like that. I talked to guys like I'm still attracted to him but I don't WanNa be the guy. Okay that's all that's all. You're not saying that you're a lesbian. You're not what I hand acurite. I don't know how to answer. We'RE NOT HERE TO BLAME. Your parents say it's all their fault but the fact is that the parents staying connected with you. Had they been able to work their relationship? It might have made you feel less lost unless confused and nobody else's again except me so I need you guys so when you say. I don't know how to answer that you know. I'm I'm always going to accept. Okay I sense that you have difficulty with it yes eight. It just don't want to hear it so you don't you just kind of blow it off. No I hear what you're saying. I hear exactly what you're saying. I just don't believe that I'm in a position to say. Okay it is okay. I understand that you are confused but I'm not going to accept I can't accept it because the way I was raised. It's not acceptable kitchen. Do something that's not okay and you can disagree but that does not mean that you can't accept it and love them. No matter what choice they make for themselves. She can know that it's not okay and it's not cool with you but that does not mean that you can't say I love you. I accept you. He's right. I won't condone it but I'm still love you because I do believe that things do happen for a reason so so. I'm going to be there if you need to talk to me. Whatever whatever reason because I don't want you to take the same road again and because we were. I wasn't there before because I was the one left. Your Dad didn't tell you anything and I'm GONNA take that road again because I'm not gonNA lose you just because you know. This is the path that you chose take. I love you too much for that key message. Here's what Belinda was saying. She left Albany's dad and did not tell ebony any thing and again I say when you don't know how to talk to your kids when you leave and you ignore their feelings when you think they're just kids and they'll get over it you end up damaging them forever avenues. Parents are courageous enough to be here. J. D. and Belinda. Have joined us when you heard. Blenda Ebony on the tape say that the moment this all changed for her was when she walked in the room and saw you kissing the other guy and that she felt that you were the biggest hypocrite and that a part of all of this acting out which on her part has pretty evolved to know that one of the reasons why I'm doing. This is because my mother so hypocritical. So I'm going to show her. Yeah when you heard that what did you think riphil? G Choosy allies at. That kiss had had that kind of impact. I had no idea it was only thinking of myself at that time and she didn't even come into play. Although we were always together I found out about the kiss only a few days ago. So totally embarrassed found out about the kiss me and you didn't know she had seen the kiss right. You didn't even know. She didn't know she told her that. I knew she'd saying it but I didn't know what she had told her bed until only a few weeks ago. I didn't even and it's been seven years since we've been divorced and I didn't know all of this. She carried. We treated her like an basically like an adult so I didn't even think it affected him in any way because she how we acted in the house. But how can you say you treated her like an adult as an adult? If you were gonNA leave you would explain why you're leaving in. That's a good point but we don't where I was how I guess how has raised. We just didn't talk about a lot of things. Go things just happen? We understand that and so that's how I did with her. So let's talk about what you what you both decided to tell or not tell Ebony so did you decide. Did you sit ebony down and say we're going to now be be separating and these are the reasons why no said nothing to Ebony. Never I didn't know you guys were getting worse so after the divorce. I just remember one day. We're at home the next day. Me Mommy are moving out. We're packing up. That's how it happened and I blocked a lot and is sound like a cop out but I just blocked a lot of things out because I was only thinking of me at that time. Gary says if you think your kids are GonNa come to you with their biggest problems. You're dead wrong. Why shame I mean how? Many of us has teenagers. Were running to our parents with every problem that we had so you know my wife and I we have five children and we sat down with our children at every single parent should do this. We identified two adults that we trust and they trust in their lives and we all met together and we said listen. We want you to come to us. Of course we'll never judge. You always love you. But here's the deal. If you don't feel like you can come to us. Here's two people you can go to individually and they we give them permission to make decisions on our behalf for you and they never have to tell us. If that's what's going to work for you that way. At least we know as parents. Our children are using adults with experience to help them guide them instead of their colleagues. Everyone should do it. But it's like a substitute parent. Yes go to parent. It's a Goto parent. That's a great idea but ebony thank you for having the for being brave enough to. Don't you feel better? I do actually a lot better. Yeah don't you feel that now you can create another life for yourself because you're past is really just that it's the pass. It's really hard trying to change yourself by by yourself. You need help to change your lifestyle so now that you've released that you can leave that in past and move forward and start to be who you really are because that's what life is all about becoming more who you really are. And that's what I wish for you today. I'm really proud of you. I'm very proud of you that you had the courage to do that. Thank you all. Thank you I'm Oprah Winfrey. And you've been listening to the Oprah Winfrey show the podcast if you haven't yet go to apple podcasts. And subscribe rate and review. This podcast. Join me next week. For another Oprah show the podcast. I thank you for listening..
"oprah winfrey" Discussed on Oprah's SuperSoul Conversations
"Is chapter of your own tickets are on sale now go to W. W. dot com slash oprah for more information I'm Oprah Winfrey welcomed many times the Guy I was like no maybe it's not maybe someone else maybe if he did and it was so confusing in my mind and then they said my name and I thought I'd case as Lupita described the essence women in Hollywood luncheon and a speech that went viral I remember a time when I two felt on beautiful I put on the t wanted to write a children's book partly because People's encouraged me after making that speech to make it into a children's book but I thought you know making that speech and children's book wasn't.