35 Burst results for "Mohr"
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"You start with parents like doing comedy. Don't know anybody. You better have a backup plan. Why 'cause you suck 'cause you fucking sweep up hair at a salon. You don't even cut hair. You sweep it from your bump. It's my dad. Hairdresser assistant did you have a mentor. When i eat a lot buddy hackett a mark. Wild was hard a good one i remember. He was very negative on. Learn what not to do lot of tantrums. But i was eighteen. He picked up willowbrook mall at six pm. We drove an hour and forty five minutes into connecticut. Had me fifty bucks drummer me back at the door of my mom and dad's house was only down like two hours asleep. It was enough. And then i had to grow joe fifty fifty bucks in buffalo new york at a boathouse. I drove all the way home. I got the first period. French i said. I'm the only person fifty bucks in your pocket. I looked at my teacher with a master's degree. And i said oh fuck school. Fuck school armed pair. Sixteen right i'm in class going. Oh paid bridget. I was seventeen year. Wow i want you to edit this. And i know the answer. Goofy speaking of success. What does the word mean to you. And i know but by the way this is not not success and this is accessible Swimming pools a champagne with gorge. Don't back out of these things already told everybody like eating the pizza. That's having also to me. You know great. But now i want a real answer to you like what success i defined as something that you enjoy doing and gorgeous people like have a girl over it once another guy. I always was fascinated by having an over. The top kind of i have envisioned it to be an over the top thing so i mean even if it's not i still like to have that allusion that possibly that that's either coming or is a reality in my life. You know so. I'm going to tell you. Maybe maybe you're here for this advice you know. I've never been more successful. Because i have so little and i've nothing to review. I don't look at reviews on anything. I don't have commercials on the podcast. For a reason. I do. Because i love it. I don't think a fucking penny amount of pocket. I'm ten grand at a pocket ear to coach when and you guys i'm taking starving single got homework and a single parent and four brothers and sisters. I'm not going to get that guy fucking sandwich on the way out. Expensive sandwich right. Success to me is like nothing. It's like you and me sitting in a room with a brown table. There's nobody even knows. We're here but i mean. Are you aware of where you have. You have accomplished in in the are you. I mean you have to be. Because i was always upset by my expectation of the reaction. I should have had but in spite of the expectation and the reactions. Which are how many people you come into contact with. Compared to earth. I have learned really quickly. How petersfield bobby in the positive. And it's like it's emoji shit and how i feel about me. It was the last thing to come in like how i felt about. Me was completely put through a funhouse mirror. From break-up turns out on the shit and not a lot of people can do what the fuck i do and things go by the wayside like dates cd terribly depression. Whatever panic attacks like. It's hard for me making my bed. I'm like i should make my pets. Ridiculous she comes in and make my better part of the offers. That's your job. that's why. I hired her so i used to go wrong with you. You you go. That's why that's why she's here. That's how we met. I met her. I'd play house my neighbor's house. She became my sister my best friend. Gotcha she's not like try to stop the first woman from straightens any latina woman have they will clean your fucking hotel room. I had it last week. When we're looking at colleges. I pulled her out backwards like she was like jack. I can't a mommy. she's cleaning rappers. I'm like i have somebody that goes into my nose. Every intimate detail on my my farmer have to. I can't do either. The bodies are buried. You know why. I can trust with anything because she knows everything. It's like the more i give you about me. It oldham's becomes a burden now. Now you gotta help me brick. There's always an angle from. Don't worry about it. But i'm one of those people to take care of. I hate that. I bought myself. But i take. I've taken people are take care of people. I just feel like it's i don't get anything back from it but it's just like you say you see someone struggling or something. I just wish you'd you get back from nothing. I mean. I don't expect anything. I'm just saying i just tend to not true i will. I'm on your side all the way. Yeah i'm with my friend jeff. You didn't expect nothing back otherwise you wouldn't be upset. I'm a drunk. I give conditions. I'm an addict. I give with condition. Spyridon thank you. You don't say thank you for the thank. You might this fucking prick. I'm the only one that knows. I'm upset i see okay. That is true and now. I'm weird when we see each other again like i know in my mind i'm like and ask them then. It's another week another week. You just living your life. But that's not what you do nice things for people that is true but initially it starts out with. It's i'm not even thinking about. We're the same. I know i just want you. And then it turns turns it could turn either in normally. It doesn't turn out great mad at yourself for your filtering system. I don't know if i could change being the way. I.
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"It's a perfect comedy special and even closed with walking. How come your dog doesn't have a town it's crazy. I want to know my dog names. Shirley who can't so like i close with the hit. So yeah you'll love it american treasure. I'm gonna tell you guys the three things that make me laugh the most and then i'll tell you the funniest thing that happened to me recently. Just share with you Third place to first place number three. What makes me laugh. The most is when somebody's snores so loud. They wake themselves up. It just makes me happy. It's great 'cause you know they don't wake up because of the sound wake up because they're drowning. They panicked because it's the same station as drowning and they always say one sentence where they want to cover it. Make it like they weren't sleeping at all. We do that when we wake up. Why do we do that if somebody wakes you up. You say some sentenced to them to show them how you're not sleeping and you were completely relaxed. It's something on your mind but that sentence just makes you look like a guy who just woke up like. Hey buddy you awake you sleep. No no no folding triangles in the newspaper on top of the roof with rooster. Okay noted When somebody wakes themselves up because they're snoring like let's say you're watching a football game at home with your dad. You're watching the jets guy falsely up. That's the yard line right. Yep all right you were sleeping. Nice nice try Number two thing that makes me laugh is when somebody snores so loud. They wake themselves up.
Ohio State-Maryland game canceled over positive COVID-19 cases
"In 19, causing the cancellation of this weekend's Maryland Ohio State football game. GOP's Ben Ray be joining US Live with Mohr, Kenya coming off last Saturday's big win of Penn State, Maryland's Mo mentum coming to an unexpected halt the university announcing today they are pausing all football activities after eight players tested positive for covert 19 in the past week, And that means Maryland's Aim this Saturday against third ranked Ohio State has been cancelled and it will not be rescheduled
Illinois reports 12,657 new COVID-19 cases, 145 deaths
"Day of numbers for the Corona virus here in Illinois 12,657 new cases that breaks the record that was sent yesterday. 145 deaths. That's the most in a single day since late May, the first time since early June that the Daily Death toll has reached triple digits. Governor Pritzker says he's thinking about Mohr statewide mitigations But he's not being specific. He is blaming neighboring states for bringing the virus into Illinois. Every state around us is at You know 2030 40 plus percent Iowa yesterday 48% positivity rate. Think about that 48% positivity rate you'll run into two people in Iowa. One of them has Cove it. Also
California governor gives somber outlook as virus cases reach nearly 1 million
"Has surpassed more than 10 Million Corona virus cases and looks like it's on track to hit record hospitalizations here in California Cove in 19 cases are increasing as well. And yesterday in a press conference, Governor Gavin Newsom warned the public once again. About the dangers of pandemic complacency. Committee politics, correspondent Teresa Lagos, says Mohr Governor Newsome struck a measure tone, noting that while California is seeing rising numbers and all of the key areas, including positivity rates, and I C u bed admissions that the state has the capacity to handle the increased caseload. Newsome warrant, however, that several counties may have to dial back reopening plans this week after spikes in those areas. He didn't specify which counties, Newsom says it's obvious why cases started climbing again in October. People are letting their guard down there taking their masks off. They're starting to get together outside of their household cohorts. They're starting to see business is reopened, and we're starting again to see more people mixing, the governor says As it gets colder, he expects to see more of that mixing and potentially more cases for the California report. Teresa Lagos.
Shot to Prevent H.I.V. Works Better Than Daily Pill in Women
"A new study suggests a shot of an experimental medicine every two months works better than daily pills to help keep women from catching HIV, ABC Chuck's Iverson. The injection of the drug was 89% Mohr, effective at preventing HIV infection from an infected sex partner than Truvada pills, although both reduce that risk is a boon for AIDS prevention efforts, especially in Africa, where the study took place and where women have few discreet ways of protecting themselves from infection. A similar study involving gay men had the same results. The drugs being developed by a group of entities, including GlaxoSmithKline, Pfizer, the US National Institutes of Health and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.
Trump could make a Biden transition messy
"Joe Joe Biden's Biden's transition transition team team wants wants to to get get to to work, work, but but it it looks looks like like a a government government agency agency won't won't cooperate cooperate just just yet. yet. We We have have reports reports that that the the General General Services Services Administration Administration will will not not sign off on the transition until at least Friday. POLITICOS White House in Washington correspondent Daniel Lippman joins us live with Mohr Dan. I like in this to the end of first blood when Colonel trap men trying to get ramble out of the building, But he's saying nothing is over. And apparently Rambo is getting company here, Dan. Why is the refusing to sign off on the Biden transition? And why is it so important for the Biden team to get there? Okay? Well, it's important because they need to access those funds. You know millions of dollars that ah, a new presidency requires new presidential administration needs to use Teo actually gonna pay employees and to get the work of building a team. Kind of in place. And the reason that Jessica has been holding onto it is because they don't want to get crosswise with President Trump, who is still fighting this election battle, even though all hope seems to be lost, even even as Jared Kushner and Melania Trump privately urged him to give up. On, so the point is kind of refusing until the pressure becomes too much. On Friday,
Pfizer says trials show its COVID vaccine "more than 90% effective"
"Visor and partner beyond. Techs say their covert 19 vaccine is more than 90% effective. What that means is that in there phase three trials, this vaccine was Mohr effective at protecting people in the trial from getting Cove. It On a placebo. Wass. It's good news, but safety data and FDA authorization are still required if it gets emergency authorization. Pfizer says it hopes to inject high risk individuals, possibly as soon as the end of the year. Most health experts say this is very encouraging. But for now, the best way to stop the spread of cove it is to wear a mask. That's ABC. Sherry Preston. Katie our news time 7
Pfizer says trials show its COVID vaccine "more than 90% effective"
"Promising promising news news on on a a possible possible Corona Corona virus. virus. Vaccine visor and partner beyond. Techs say their covert 19 vaccine is more than 90% effective. What that means is that in there phase three trials, this vaccine was Mohr effective at protecting people in the trial from getting covert than a placebo. Wass. It's good news, but safety data and FDA authorization are still required if it gets emergency authorization. Pfizer says it hopes to inject high risk individuals. Possibly as soon as the end of the year. Most health experts say. This is very encouraging. But for now, the best way to stop the spread of Corbett is to wear a mask. That's ABC. Sherry Preston Jr News
Cuomo to deploy National Guard troops to New York airports for COVID-19 enforcement
"On there to rise in the number of people testing positive for the Corona virus around the country. New York is sending Mohr National Guard troops and police officers. In New York City's airports to help enforce travel restrictions. NPR's Hansi Lo Wang reports, state officials are worried about the coming Thanksgiving holiday going to New York's current guidelines. Travelers who have spent more than a day in a state that is not next to New York must provide a negative test before entering the state governor Andrew Cuomo says New York is increasing enforcement at airports to let people know that quote we're serious. You should not land. If you do not have proof of a negative test upon landing travelers With that proof are still required to quarantine for three days, Nick City's mayor is urging people to avoid how they travel and large family gatherings. Lindsay Lohan, NPR NEWS
Wine and Beer Makers Wait for Recovery
"The pandemic started in March. I'd like the two of you to rate your alcohol consumption in one of the high Okay, uh, given on a percentage basis, Tucker, if you look at it, on average weekly basis, alcohol consumption in your household. It's a yes today today. Or like marks throughout the pandemic, So like when this first broke, I was having a glass or two every day just to use my nerves. But now I was that was that during the show or after Foa after you know, after I don't drink during the work of anything, Not yet, at least, um, but, you know, as of today, like, you know, I'm Once in a while during the week. I'll have a glass of wine randomly, but then on weekend, I'll just you know. I've been a glass of wine or a beer a night throughout all of this, which is definitely higher than my previous alcohol consumption. But there is no You know, weekend where? On drinking a bottle of wine with my wife on having two or three glasses. Journalist making is just that consistent glass tonight, right? Yes. So in terms of my consumption down for most the pandemic just when when your wife is pregnant, and you can't go anywhere like you just feel kind of weird about drinking alone Plus that look that you get Yeah. Have you gotten that? Look, you're drinking a nice glass of wine, and she's pregnant. Sit on the couch and just glaring at you. I've got you Just hold it up. And you're like. Oh, this is so wonderful, isn't it? You know, like you said, you didn't mind. Yeah, I would. I didn't need much sushi or drink much wine during the two different nine months that my wife is pregnant. But I would say, post baby, I think we're actually just about back to normal, like well, normally do like a bottle of wine on like a Friday or something like that. Maybe another one on a Saturday but generally don't really do much during the week. So we're about the same. But what wine and beer makers are saying is that even though consumers are buying Mohr stuff for home consumption, it still isn't enough to offset the fact that they're not going out. And drinking in the same volumes, which you could make a case right now be such a bad thing for our livers. But for these companies, you know they're looking at this saying, Hey, what's the deal here? I also do wonder for companies that don't have a hard seltzer brand. If that's eating into it as well. I mean, you know, we're in slightly different positions that maybe we were 10 years ago, Chuck, but I mean, we're I n the pandemic. And I were a 22 year old. I would imagine my alcohol consumption would be down very significantly, compared Tio what I was drinking at that stage in my life. I think mine would be higher. 22 years. I don't think so. The only thing constraining my alcohol consumption of 22 was the price. Yeah, Way cheaper to drink at home. It's fair. Oh, yeah. See for me. It was just I I didn't really drink unless I was at a bar. Oh, like hell up 22 year old tuck. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, clearly struggling with with the restaurants and bars closed. There is just not nearly as much profit for any of these companies.
Maricopa County has already set a new early voting record
"Come in his voters stand in line at the polls this afternoon. Gabriel Gamino is live at the Maricopa County Elections Department and kicks off our live team coverage with the latest That's right Japanese, According to the latest update from the election Department, Mohr than 119,000 Miracle County residents have now cast a vote in person. That number is expected to keep growing into the evening Erich afloat is with the county Elections department also tells me there have not been any major problems reported so far at polling locations again over 119,000 in person voters across the county and as a reminder you can go to Arizona dot boat to see wait times and to buy the nearest polling location near you. The Maricopa County Election Center in Phoenix, Gabriel Dominion. The literature is flying at one polling place in hopes of securing a victory for the president
Trump, on 'Fox and Friends,' claims 'solid chance of winning'
"0 to our top story. President Trump feels good about his chances for reelection. Fox's John Decker has Mohr from Washington. President Trump calling into Fox and friends expressing confidence that it will have more than enough support from his base to win another four years in the White House. I think we're doing really well with African American vote. I think we're doing very, very well with the Hispanic vote. And it's been, you know, let's spend in. Which a great, uh
Florida and other states to monitor closely this Election Day
"State I am going to be watching is obviously going to be Florida. Now. Florida's governor, Ron De Santis. It came out this morning on Fox and friends and said, We expect Florida to be called for Donald Trump very, very quickly. This jibes with what I'm seeing. In the early vote, Democrats went into Election Day 2016 with a 96,000 vote advantage in early voting. This year, obviously much much difference because of covert 19. Republicans trim that, too, for 1000 votes. Now we know this because you got partisan ballots, so Republican votes almost invariably vote for Republicans. Democrats almost invariably vote for Democrats, although there is expected to be slightly bigger crossover Democrats voting for Trump, then Republicans voting for Joe Biden, as evidenced by the fact that Trump got 94% support in the Republican primary, which was by far a record. In all voting right now. Polls have been open for a couple of hours in Florida. And all types of voting early voting in person voting. There are 9000 more Republican ballots that have been returned than Democrat ballots. Now there are a whole lot of independence. People don't have to register is either a Republican or a Democrat. You can register as an independent. Independence. When doing this kind of analysis, just assume they're going to break pretty much 50 50. It's rare that independence break for a certain candidate, though we do have a lot of evidence that late breakers in Florida late breakers in Pennsylvania and late breakers pretty much in every swing state are in fact breaking towards President Trump, but it's not going to be some statistically massive. Number like 66%. If 66% of independents break for President Trump this race is going to be called by about 10:30 P.m. central time. I don't anticipate that happening, nor do I anticipate that this is set in stone. Trump's gonna win. He's going to win Florida. It's all over. But the shouting what I am saying is this is very good news. This is why on common sense Central right now. I've got an article entitled. It appears that Democrats are doing poorly and early voting here in Wisconsin. It looks like we don't have definitive numbers, but we do have a data set. That suggests that President Trump's voters are over, performing not only in the early vote, but now as we're seeing, Ah, whole lot of enthusiasm, a whole lot of lines in Trump heavy areas. We're seeing data that's encouraging. None of this should be taken as gospel because I'm just giving you a look at the numbers as I see them. I'm giving you a look at the facts on the ground as I see them and the facts on the ground or that one campaign sounds very, very confident and where they are. The other campaign is taking the relatively Unprecedented step campaign. Look, campaigning does happen on Election day. It's very rare that you see a campaign going to this many different swing areas on Election day as the Biden campaign has got, you got two stops for Joe Biden in Pennsylvania. You've got Pamela Harris going to Detroit, Michigan, indicating that they're very worried about turnout in Detroit, specifically amongst black voters. You've got Jill Biden going to Florida. She's also I believe going to Georgia and you've got Camilla Harris is husband. Also going to a swing state in Ohio if Florida is called early, and if Florida increases its margin for President Trump Remember it was Florida specifically Hillary Clinton's under performance in Miami Dade County. That was an early indicator four years ago that President Trump was going to do a lot better than the polls suggested that he would. Florida is going to be an early indicator again, as is North Carolina. If Trump is doing better in those states, typically, the upper Midwest is a little bit farther to the right then Florida and North Carolina, so you can probably anticipate that he's going to be doing better in Pennsylvania. In Ohio in Wisconsin. I would also be looking for Ohio, Ohio has gone a deeper shade of red. If that starts to go even deeper red, then you're going to know that upper Midwestern. Specifically, rural voters are going to trump in bigger margins. And this is what the early trends that President Trump was talking about. On Fox and friends this morning are indicating the early trend lines are that the voter base that the voter makeup this year is far more really. It's far whiter. It's older, and it's less likely to have a college degree than in 2016. Who do you suppose that favors? If the average voter is a 57 year old white male with a high school diploma who lives about 50 miles from the nearest big urban center. Who do you think that guy is most likely to vote for. Again. This doesn't indicate demographics are not destiny. Please remember that today. If you remember nothing else, remember that demographics are not destiny. The makeup of the voter base is another good sign. But it doesn't mean this race is over the behavior of the two campaigns the relative confidence of President Trump, whose campaign has presented actual data to suggest that hey, we've not only have Ah, pathway to victory, but it's It's looking increasingly likely even Mohr increasingly likely than four or five days ago that we're going Be able to take that path to the campaign. That's Oh, my goodness. We've got to get out here. We've got to get out here and we've got to get out here.
Trump Hints At Firing Dr. Anthony Fauci
"The election just a day away. Both President Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden, busy making their final arguments to the American people were going to win four more years in the White House is for Donald Trump to pack his bags and go home. President Trump on it all out blitz holding nine rallies in six states over the weekend. And planning five Mohr today, hitting many of the same states. He's playing defense sweeping through areas he won in 2016. With polls showing he has a narrow path to victory. Trump is banking on a large turnout on election Day. We have a giant red wave that's formed this form, while Joe Biden is flooding the zone in Pennsylvania, his entire team today fanning out across the critical state. Polls show him still slightly ahead in the Keystone State. Pennsylvania is one of 33 states that won't start counting absentee ballots until November. 3rd final results could take days. But now without any basis, Trump says balance should not be counted past election Day. We should know the result of the election on November 3rd. That's the way it's been, and that's the way it should be. But that's just not true. While projections are usually made no state ever reports final results on election night, Biden says he's taking nothing for granted as he tries to rebuild that blue wall Trump broke through in 2016 guess rubbers to president. I'm coming for you. Hoping to take back Michigan Biden Saturday with a little help from his heaviest hitter, former president Obama. Obama, trying to get out the vote and showing he's still fighting is also trying to make inroads in once deep red states like Georgia, Arizona and Texas, where on Friday abiding campaign bus was swarmed by a caravan of Trump supporters, the president praising the move Retweeting the video, adding, I love Texas and blasting the FBI's investigation into the incident, calling the people All involved Patriots the biding campaign, calling the ambush reckless, dangerous and an intimidation tactic. Sticking to his message. Biden says the president is surrendering to the pandemic. Beat the virus. We first got to beat Donald Trump. But the president's still eager to change the subject, putting on a positive spin on his patch rallies were rounding the turn on a pandemic. We're rounding the corner, but Dr Anthony found she challenging that view, telling the Washington Post You could not possibly be positioned more poorly, adding, the country is in for a whole lot of hurt this winter. The White House, firing back accusing Fountain of playing politics ahead of the election and the president, hinting he may fire him. Don't tell anybody, but let me wait till a little bit after the election. I appreciate it. Now he's been wrong a lot with cases reaching record highs. The president is now blaming doctors and hospitals claiming without evidence that they're inflating the numbers. You know, our doctors get more money if somebody does from, you know that right? I'm in our doctors are very smart people. The American Medical Association, responding the suggestion that doctors in the midst of a public health crisis are overcounting covert 19 patients or lying to line their pockets is a malicious, outrageous and completely misguided charge.
Election 2020: Arizona's impact
"Of election 2020 continues our race. Our state will the side the direction of the country for the White House and the Senate majority. That was Republican Senator Martha McSally on with Arizona's Morning news Friday, and this morning, we caught up with her Democratic challenger on Election Day Eve. There's Jeremy Foster joins us live with more on what Mark Kelly had to say. One of the first things we asked Mark Kelly Jamie in a race where polls have consistently showed him in the lead there now tightening, in fact, a brand new Data orbital poll of 550 likely Arizona voters out this morning show Kelly just 1% point ahead of MK Sally Now. Two weeks ago, the same polls showed him up over six points. But Kelly told us he's still confident. Think the only Poles that really matters when folks go to the polls tomorrow, and when they count the votes, and that might take might be done tomorrow might take a couple days. I feel pretty good. Something else. Kelly and other Democrats may be keeping an eye on Republicans of return nearly 45,000 more ballots in Maricopa County than Democrats so far on the early voting side and about 90,000 Mohr than those who are not registered with either party. But Kelly points out that a lot of support from Republicans, including former elected officials, I have the Republicans for you know Mark Kelly for Senate Group. He also words folks to be patient. If we don't see the final results on Election day, and you can tune in all day for special election team coverage right here on our and we'll begin it tomorrow at five. AM I tell you, this is going to be one watch because the Republicans have come from behind to now lead with the number of ballots already returned and their also expected to turn out Maur enforce the Democrats at the actual voting booth tomorrow, so this is really going to be one to watch it is and we we heard from the Steve Cortes with the Trump campaign today. He's in there feeling increasingly confident about taking Arizona. All right. Thank you so much. Kate. There's Jeremy Foster.
Arizona Might Be A Key Battleground State
"Of the elections, most pressing questions may be found in the new battleground state of Arizona. It has many of the key voting groups that will be pivotal and a host of close states and an early voting system that has been tested in the past and has been tabulating votes for two weeks. Meaning we'll know who the bulk of those voters picked by the end of the night. Joe Biden has enjoyed a small but consistent lead in Arizona since the summer thanks to suburban women, seniors and Latinos, which suggests the one time home of American conservatism could be changing in the same way the country is becoming more diverse and mohr educated. But Democrats thought that in 2016 to That long line of green envelopes who see marching together contains just some of the record number of completed mail in ballots from Arizona voters. First, their process through state of the art machine. Theun. They're sent to ballot tabulation centers for counting Arizonans of both parties have been voting safely and easily by mail since 1992. This election For the first time, state officials started tabulating ballots 14 days before the election. As of tonight, millions of early votes have been processed. The results sit in secure servers, those red and blue machines that are sealed, transparent and not connected to the Internet. And no one knows what those results are. We're allowed to post results an hour after polls close, so a PM on election night here in Arizona, Katie Hobbs is Arizona's secretary of state and chief election officer. On election night. How much will it be an advantage that you will have been able to start counting for 14 days. That's a huge advantage, particularly over states that are seeing a huge increase in the volume of voting by mail and statutorily aren't able to start processing ballots until that day. We're certainly going to be ahead of them. That anyone is holding their breath about the outcome of the race in Arizona is notable. It's a long time Republican state But it is changing. Seven million people now live in Arizona. Spurred by America's fastest growing county, Maricopa County, the home of Phoenix and Tempe. It's also known for its blooming suburbs. It accounts for 60% of Arizona's vote, and no Democrat has carried Maricopa County since 1948. Traditionally would we be in Ruby red part of Arizona. Maricopa County is the largest county of that. Trump won the last election. And so this is the center. Trump Bill in Arizona. If Arizona turns Blue will be in part because of voters like Yasir Sanchez and his wife, Emily, conservatives who live in the Maricopa County suburb of Gilbert in 2016, they never saw Hillary Clinton sign in their neighborhood. Now the streets by their house are dotted with Trump and Biden signs poking from the alternating beach towel sized front lawns. They've added a new entrant in the sign wars. Arizona Republicans for Biden, Yasir and Emily are voting for a Democrat for the first time. So how's that going over? I've noticed people coming out of the woodwork. But, interestingly enough silently they'll come and say, Hey, I see that you're supporting Biden. I am, too. But I can't really tell anyone or I can't tell my family so people talk about shy Trump voters are they're shy Biden voters, absolutely the
Two Washington DC college students drive almost 30 hours to vote in 2020 election
"Students driving Mohr than a day to get there early voting locations to arrive in time back at home. Nobody should have to work this hard to vote. 20 year old American University students MEREDITH Riley and Zachary Ho Deck didn't get their absentee ballots they requested from their home state of Texas. So they hit the road. It was really just like within two hours. Getting a rental car, packing our bags and hitting the road back home to Texas. It was the first time they were old enough to vote in a presidential election. So they said they had to make it happen to cast their ballots. For Joe Biden. It's very likely like the most important presidential election of our lifetime, finally being able to go home, even though we had to make the trek across country. Don't so relieving that re bonked W T
Early voting numbers shatter previous records across the country
"On the bus as we've been reporting. For weeks, Americans have been voting early in record numbers. Despite her, perhaps because of the pandemic. More than 90 million people have now voted early on Mohr are expected to do so before Tuesday. CBS News correspondent Lilia Luciano reports from Los Angeles. But the number of early votes is more than 65% of the total ballots cast in 2016. Early voting has reached historic records across America ahead of Election Day. Texas is on track to surpass its 2016 turnout by millions of votes just literally flew in town to vote and I'm leaving back out on Saturday. Iowa, Florida and California have also shattered records. But it has been an uphill battle to make every vote camp with the virus and whatnot. People trying to avoid crowds in contentious Florida, a key swing state, where the polls show the candidates effectively tied. The US Postal Service is investigating stacks of mail, including ballots stock in a post
Yard signs are targeted for theft and vandalism more than usual this election season
"Will be campaigning in key swing states on his final weekend before Election Day on Tuesday. President Trump has four campaign rally scheduled in Pennsylvania. Well. Joe Biden will be joined by former President Barack Obama at to drive in rallies in Flint and Detroit, Michigan during this campaign season election placards not only have the capability of talking, some of them are also walking what one Tom photo. Given the polarized politics and divisions of the Times. Perhaps it is expectable. You put up campaign signs along streets and roads and on your lawn and see some of them physically unappreciated as in, vandalized or removed by disgruntled neighbors. It happens every election, of course. But reports from around the country indicate it is happening Mohr this year despite efforts like Greece, England to keep them from being stolen or tourney. Tom Foti, CBS NEWS Washington As Faras
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"You want someone is candy and I'm like you can't have my sweet tarts ropes. You know you can't have this either and I'm not giving them A. Road Non Bro Diabetes. Got No shoe. I love Middle Eastern Food and I. also love like when a Middle Eastern person says my friend that's that's when you're about to get my. fucking easy motherfucker. Cock. Your mother and the asshole and pussies. Okay. My friend, my friend start walking backwards. Flint or you're about to get fucked out of a deal you know we're fucked in jail. Yeah. Bro Or you're in the front seat of a tow truck why did they make you right up front with them? Why not put a little backseat or a little? There's something between a seat. I ride in the car broke getting towed motherfucker I have. One You told me. You know what I did is. My. Car broke down as what my son he was I guess like four. and. We just wrote in the back and he was like what's happening? In the car in the PALISADES. We're in the car being towed lack. We're totally safe. We're fine buddy. Yeah. I was like what coach driver goes no you and that baby getting fucking get in the back the car. That's. On a flatbed. No, it was being towed with the wheels on the ground. That's correct. Sounds dangerous. Yet, I wouldn't angle. Angle at an angle bro. You like. Oh. Were you just quoting movie when you said and you fascinate me what do I know at an angle? But. That's funny that you say that growing up everytime I'd say some shit like I'd make up something and I'd say it and then someone from bothered me so much because it was like you can't just make something up you mother the most of the poems in the book there's like a sense I couldn't get out of my head like. Since. The sex act that is your skin eight syllables and the whole poem is around that. So I'm just Like Jenga and Tetris and Jigsaw puzzle, and then when Don it it's done it's just I know it's not like comedy where it's never done. And I just had to get them out of me. I turn that back to me. How do we get? Sufficient narcissist Norman Lear told me and I even Norman Lear there to you. I Like Bang leaves joke about Instagram, how do I make this sunset me? I can count likes blocking. then. Globes funny anybody at any social media influencers. Our likes our human beings. It's it's a novel concept. My son's obsessed with youtubers. You know he's nine that's the thing. Now, kids don't want to be like they don't WanNa be like. Like a fucking firemen or they WANNA be youtuber. Yes but you know none of them realized is the amount of repetition to get that take on Youtube. Let's stay connected because I'd be very lucky to be your friend. I appreciate it. I always love senior. This is the first conversation we've never had where you weren't acid or mushrooms. Caught me on those. No. No. I didn't catch you. You said I am so very Rodman. Probably few times of the comedy clubs and gone. You did it effortlessly you just it's it's explains stand up comedy. You know when Chuck yeager broke, can you hold this pete for like? A minute half. When Chuck yeager broke the sound barrier and like that rocket across the desert it starts. It's like doing that but with time. But the time just disintegrates could you manipulate it so much it goes away and you realize I'm time you just they'd so trippy anyway it's time travel. Hey Buddy there's my man and that's a mirror that's young. We were just talking about you hack heard your great youtuber Powell. You WanNa. Be youtuber right. What upside? One of these. It's a mere say hi mirror. What ups on back I love you boy. You're the where's my fist bump? Saint that he's and. They see to we're done in your. View. Sweet kid he's the best he's my best friend. My brother just had a baby makes a kid. You know when he said to me last week for the beach. And he was at this other kids house next door. And My. I. Know. I'm watching other to and I asked a mom, can they be in the house alone? She said no, but she meant like. As long as I'm next door. It's okay. I don't know where they are go in the house. It's not my house and my Gosh screaming no answer, and then they finally were upstairs in a room with the door closed complain Tommy sticks or something. And I start yelling at him like. It goes when you yell at me like that I feel my legs feel weak. And I almost fucking. Sobbed at his feet meeting Christ. That's so career language I'd be I guess allow. US Aleikum for real. No no know straight up not Salaam momentum respect but imagine talking to your father that way. I wish I could have I could've. Yeah, the whole as a kid was to get. To replace MAC vice did you hit smack in the face sheets make me in the neck The pull my pants and spank me turns out he was a Fan Cau-. I didn't know you think you know. He's out of his charity. Hit Me. Wheelchair. You. Think you. Put Your name on it I love weather. That's where my heart I don't even know you that well but I can tell you the truth and certainly I do love you. If you've got a problem I gotta problem this has been fun. We'll do it again and again, and I want them fucking shoes we'll get you. Set up so.
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"So you did comedy the first time comedy what were you? What were your? Joe I wrote really. Spelling Don d a en like kung-fu. What were those jokes about working in restaurants that just talk about all I work with a bunch of Gay dudes I'm asking you. And I would just do characters of them like I work with this dude Nacho and it would just be like this. Bro He was the best. Kind of Chubby Gay Mexican dude I already a terrible. He's Chubby he's not doing it right Did he kill the frigging? He would he would do really well but it was in fashion island I don't know if you're familiar Newport Newport. So I worked there and it was just like all those characters about Nacho like. You wanted this summit is steaming spinach. Or carrots. Broccoli. Icy an cherry juice just kidding DIKO. Orders backwards. So finding that he, he'd like mess with the people. AROMATASE. I'M NOT KIDDING I've never seen. Do this on stage just voice. Yeah. Remember like Belkin from perfect strangers. You you're like. That big stardom. That's that's kind of like I can't. I'm leaning towards you like. It's a big deal. That's hilarious. It's perfect man like I know it's perfect. Thanks. That was oddly great right? Like that's a show you WANNA. Watch. And Cherry juice for your. Gas Getting Diet. Right what is no? No this cake has no calories. And here all your fat Free Desert and no Calorie K. DECAF sure. It to the only gave restaurant job is a is. I wasn't working at eating. Going to bring us fucking bit back later. What was this guy's name? That was not Nacho I'll just call this bit Nacho Nasko, but we call them natural. He was great man, but it was like literally I was. I would say this is so stupid I was like I was like, yeah I got you know. I've got its bunch of gay guys in me. I got you know Mexican Gay, Guy Gate. Gay Guy Fat Mexican Gay, Guy. and. I was like I literally got gay guys up to that was my job. I got gay guys up to but at my work that was my joke I, don't believe that in I wouldn't let it go I would just go look figuratively. Well. I was just tagging tagging. Excuse what I was doing at the time but I mean, that was the joke got gay guys up the Wazoo I mean death I got gay guys up. I go I'll say something like onstage. I'll go you know great gay friends because they've been taking it from all sides vigorously for years. Everybody's got a gay friend at work. You're like, where were you last night jeff for suck and forty four Dick's honey please I had my dick sucked. I. Was in bed by I fifteen. And you're like, where does he go? Wander. In. Bed? Not Home in bed by nine fifteen. GET IT and get out why people glory holes. That's what I'm saying I was thinking the glory whole thing I is there a straight people gloria? No. So we start on. Yes. But you have to find a woman that's willing to not care what comes through the whole. Court I think the thing with the girls get on the lookout. Make sure you leave this in I think the glory hole though is you don't know what's on the other hand. Well, let's the glory part, right? Yes. But I don't know if you know who you're talking to here. I've I've been blown this year by a man. Yeah. But I can't. It's a steam room. The Guy He's got passion. Who Am I the pursuit of happiness? Bro He's happy when. Can. Let it go. What percentage for you? K. was? Thirty five percents. what is it? What was the question? So glory, we know it's a guy in Iran. It's like an adult bookstore bunch of guys, fucking. Disgusting. Not and not like let's be honest guys look like a mirror and I aren't we are sometimes in adult bookstores. It's. With. smudge glasses and didn't seem to bother them CBS employees when the guys talking to his his fucking glasses smudge from his stumped and how he can't see me how I can't even drive if my floor mats are crooked. Guys that fucking Shit on his anyway. What percent is like right now zero percent there's a woman on the other end zero. Maybe one percent. Doing her all day. Give me fucking ninety percent guy. I'll stick my dick in there. See what? I'm telling you ninety if it's a woman ten percent chance to woman you're going. Yeah. That's a I. Mean I'm going to go thirty percent August thirty three and a third. I'm sticking my Dick because either and. My who cares gives a fuck I didn't put it through because it was I'm here because of the chances to wake me. I was getting blown away transvestite New Year's Eve. By the way I agree. Agree Ring in the new. Year's. And Frosty. Goes across the street to our apartment and comes back with a three foot pepper grinder under his coat in Manhattan. He goes we're and he goes on the table. It's like a fucking police baton. It's fucking packed a pepper grinder, but it looks like a weapon and he could use it as a one six. I'm like I'm not going anywhere. It's Kinda. Tough to get up. Like calling apparently Won't talk to get out of the bank headway now zeal all Asian lady here. And he goes that's a guy and I'm being fully aided. And I'm holding abreast in my hand and I go I, disagree. What it is I'm by the way I'm aware by the way I'm not stupid. And I'm talking you're talking you speaking my language about yeah me too. So he I'm speaking your language to that's what you said. So I go. He goes. No these are my studies. And he's like, no from the waist down. She could be a center. It's not my business. She could be a fucking center. We're having a good time right here. I didn't come over here because I thought she was a guy I went whoa turns you on someone got Teddy's on the half shell over there and she sounds like a midget she's a transvestite. Hey Hey, buy me you. WanNa dance. Let me. Hold your hand.
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"It's like you may not in the book he's like you may not tell somebody they didn't have a good time. Who the fuck you they're coming back stage in Broadway to go. Wow. Yeah. But but this one, get the fuck out of the business. Didn't go back there and tell you stink. They'll go home people out of it all time to where they'd be like did show suck up because I find problems with the fuck but you know the problems but that's like tiger woods. Telling, somebody like what they don't know is that he should laid up over a fucking trap I I'm bad at analogies or that's not one that's work. Those great tiger woods you fucking when tiger woods is like, no, he's telling the COPS Asia. For show what was he was he pills that one do you WanNa know what white privileges tiger woods was prescribed a painkiller for back surgery and that's what he was on right and he was driving home and went whoa this is fucking making me feel strange I'm not safe out here on the roads. So we took an offramp. Got Off of the road park on the shoulder with his hazards on and took a little nap and the cops would he doing here and he goes exactly what I just said to you and he was arrested you and I are getting arrested. That's great. And they made it out to be like it was fucked up percent but I feel. Like like drinking drivers that. He's already shown his hand used to my radio show that. You are the Tiger Woods? Of, what you do? Like, you are the Emir K. of comedy no no. What I mean think about there's not a comedian that live. Jay more jerking off like you would say, absolutely. Yes. You think our dads much as we do. It's impossible impossible. Is. Possible Man, my Dick's raw moment i. have sort my Dick from trick off frightening you. But I'm still going to try to use it tonight. There you go. You got you gotTa keep going because I can't get an erection before dinner I'm fifty. I'm feeding silly putty down Jake Marsili put Deng and the new nicknamed. Don. Writing Down Jay. More silly putty dawn listen. There's no peace on the nominee. Pete sounds there's no silly putty good auto. Finding, but you need dress like your air pirate or Salami around my neck. Did you totally did stand up? He's like iced where piece two pieces pieces strumming he kept calling the Salami. And he said he'd where a piece of like a Tube Salami and he goes by the joke then war I would take a bite of lamb crown laughing man. That's really brilliant. Yeah. You don't have to ask them. How did you just look at the Nicholas did tactic must have killed my favorite Moment in in James Saddam moment is in the movie. Heckler. Jamie Kennedy. I don't know if you're Michael Addis right yeah buddy he goes he goes. And they're talking about two Janney went comedian and he's giving his take as fuck and he's on the comic up for years you know and if you know Jamie love this. and. He's telling like what it is to be heckled and he goes you know when a comedian is when somebody says to a comedian your not funny. Comedians should have something pre prepared. To say. Like you're not funny. Then the comedian should say, well, you better to ask your Mama have was last night it's actually not. All the years. Out of all the years all the. That's the one he said you better to ask your Mama. Funny Walks last night. That's the comeback. Think in his mind, the apprentices, the apostrophes reason your. You better ask your to ask your mom. Love it. How funny I was last year better to ask your Mama. I was last night. I love that same I. Love it too, and here's where a comedian split from the aggregate. Civilians. I love it more as you do because there's a way Jamie Kennedy last night in the movie because it was like advice why he just news if you like. You're an actual Hekla right now. Like there's no way Jamie Michael is my friend directed it it's like. Like. Make sure you put the Israeli guy who can barely opens is. Talking about how to handle a Heckler by you're you're test ask your mother how funny I? I am I like switching tents health do better you're better. Ask Your mother are finding. I am last night. Very. Biblical, to before there was Abraham I am over on. The Bible. No I was not actually anything that's has most comedians in it. I'm I'm not like Netflix, for example not. I've never met. I think he's very funny Nice Kid. Twelve specials. One place a lot. Sodas. Ticket of the fuck as a team and the fucking guy leaving and now now. Take that out though now leave you know what I never met anybody obviously, but he's got a big audience. Take that part. I don't to alienate the south. Leave it in this great. The leave it in gas. Leaving intake Jay Moore. Should be called. Leaving taking a nap fucking leave it can take it out. That's me having sex to myself like when. When I'm having sex with somebody, that's my internal dialogue, take it out leaving it, take it out. What are you doing? We'll? Just. Stop thing how about you just worrying about the edit taken out leaving they. Relax..
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"Killing your shows didn't help and she's talented as fuck I can't begrudge lady making eleven. You know one of my favorite thing is though when you're in a town I don't know if he's still do is but if you've got a buddy town like at a different club or bring my own buddy yeah. I'm saying like you. So I I'm not trying to make a joke everything's fundamental I know like green and opener. When you're in a town and then somebody's headlining another club or another. Shoot the shit. That's like one of my favorite things about Standup I. You know what? Jeff Rossen I in San Francisco like pre nine eleven's like the last time it happened. I couldn't get it together like Dane and I would miss each other by like a day. Doing I've always been. Yeah. I've never left the clubs a theaters. It's hard. I mean, you're going to get over a thousand people in a town to go to a room at once on the exact same night at the same time like it's not likely. It's unlikely. First Time you went onstage in two thousand, eight Jay more Dane. Cook Dove Davidoff. Dubbed. Wasn't on that. With another another lineup. It was Freddy Soto Dana You for sure. I remember it make sense that that would be on it maybe dove. Yeah. Because I think he was in la at the time. Is that a character he's doing who? I don't. Like I. Don't know talks. I think it's a heightened virgin who he is so great you know like most comics but I don't think I don't know because it is definitely something. So you open. You know. When you go on the road like with Chris, I'll other little Chris Oh. You don't plan on my own now used to tour with Ronnie I know you're fucking first of all. I know you're headlining you study. Do you get I? Don't study Read the Bio kidding. Where is it a joke? By. A friend I think. So with that fucking Rolex is that a master Brownie money what the fuck on that take it easy on me that's a beautiful watch. You got the same fucking one isn't it the day? No I don't there's no diamonds on my and by the way this is all I own ever. I've been divorced twice I don't know if you know this about me. Empty. Empty inside everywhere across the board with the fucked wackier I'll go to jail I don't care. Like. If it's right, it's right I don't give. Do Condoms. Waiting goes. I told her fucking. Corey went outside the room is actually doing. This now, you remember your materials first time you on stage remember your material. I do I do that's a long ago by the way no two, thousand, nine. So I, I did a couple of open mics when I was eighteen back in the day and I was just talking about the restaurants should I worked at what restaurants did daily Grill Olive Garden? What's What was some of those and I like I? Love this shit. Yeah I love talking because anytime you ending you think. That's funny. Dude. I'm so my head about because I just want to be like so fuck and not that I'm glad you just said to. My negative self-talk has been eroding who I am and finally kind of put a Chi- bash to it but you have to know it's happening but I told you I've been listening to your shit on that walks or when I when I jogged because when you hit me up to do it I was like, let me let me listen to what Jake doing. And those fucking those. Life coaching things. It's legit. I've read a lot of self-help stuff in the last few years and you're speaking truth, Bro? Because you got you got to look a lot of it's kind of like you got look is what actually has really helped me like Jr's life first of all the words life and coach. I'm not a life coach you're alive. By the time they reached out to me, there are a lot they've been living, but I don't know what else to call it sort of like a clear the glasses up i. don't know but you have to you can't comedy you can't be wrong. You're done if you do an hour set and at the fifty minute you got something up there like. Yeah, it's like okay. But we have that like you said that voice in your head that negative self-talk. So like when you have somebody like you or even when you listen to that, you know when when I'm walking or running or whatever and I hear your voice it just. Takes the place of that negative guy throws in a positive. That's That is one of the more beautiful things anybody said to me that's. Just by happenstance bribes frigging was. With like. The way we grow up is. Exact I don't want get into anybody childhood but I want them to at least acknowledge that when you were fucking before you could talk to people that were in charge you literally blocked the light of the earth and the sun and the lights of the like they're always just looking like unhappy. To this weird cloudy shouting face like cigarette smoking around like latch money on. So I just immediately you think people in my home don't really like much. But they love you all the way. So you just start we you know we've only been predators for like six thousand, ten, thousand years like a great way charge Predator Apex Predator for millions of years. He's perfect. The fucking thing. So that's why we have doubt. We have imposter syndrome of being predators about being here because we're the newest. So we doubt saving schiffer later that's figure you say food you'RE GONNA. fucking. Starve. Give it someone. Unsure can get it again. Right. The forest will provide Bra. You GotTa know it the money fuck incomes you could say into this Mike. Say It people go. Yeah. But not motherfucker the money comes when you are working and grinding it finds you. Sometimes. It's dressed up like another job. You fucking weasel bum go work at can't. Old It's nine your house that opportunity. It's a fucking place. That's a pretty interesting. That's the positive. To get here. A lifetime more you're more than space where do. Yes. Good. I exhaust. I was in a marriage that. There wasn't arguing really is just you can sit you can see because it's the and by the way. I know for a fact that person has a completely different take on what happened. That's what confounds me about the human experience to people you beef you personally. You're right now. That guy knows he's right. Everyone he knows knows he's right. And you know you're right it's fucking astounding to me. So. Yeah. The marriage was. Emptied me in a few different incarnations lifetimes I gave more than this lifetime of trying. Whether or not that person knowledge I don't give a fuck and I've just been fucking down where I went to try checking mental hospital twice I was fucked up. So it's up to us no one is going to help you until you choose to help you. You have to say to yourself. This is not working, but you need to write what the fuck this is. You can't have a big empty paging. Oh Yeah. Should I might put down? fucking. Because otherwise you'll never know when you're clear of it. It's like the marine layer just keep going going going and going. You went to come out. You've got to know what the fuck the son looks like. You better know what the clouds are. You want to get out of because otherwise you know when you're there, how many people you know I'm trying? I'm trying yeah. Just told you buy. I just told you I recognize you're doing and I enjoy what you're doing I'm trying I'm sorry. Let me know when you're ready. Because I thought it was great. I don't know this is the fucking in the works shit yeah. How did you guys say to me then I can go? To the better life and I go well what's this called? What am I doing here? Let me ask you this. Is it. You that said something about you I mean I know A lot of people talk about this pertain a compliment like that's really hard for a lot of comics to do after a show me that was great now but I fucked this thing I talk him out of a compliment. We all do it because we're but we're David mammoths book true and false. TRAVEL WITH IT It's not just acting. It's just life. It's great..
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"Dude if you don't do that, you're fucking enough if you don't do the audible version of this book and do exactly what you just did for me. fucking up my man. Do you do any impressions seen you do I. DO characters I don't really think I like your impression your dad I like it better in Margaret show does it about her mom but? I've actually never seen. You do the shots fired I've never actually seen. You do anything like that stage I'm breaking the Bulls. Flowers of. The touchdown gently bomber be carrying in that's going to make me sound like a fucking. For. Was that from you. Wow. You did a perfect to the way that was a good one. Let me tell you something petty political from the Bronx. Been Wear. Make is he's fucking he's make. It really is a real big film for tracking how fucking hot. Gorgeous, he is like his timeline because like back in the day when he talked like this like daily from Cagney and Lacey, you got like Serpico. Guys out there doing undercover work there. Iraq shoes, white socks they work and. I don't think. So Atika. then. Like. Somebody to fucking piano is back. Mr fucking. Me Okay. But like that movie that big beard he's fucking hot. It's looks like stallone and Cobra hot but it's bad motherfucker right there. Dude I love that movie. scarface but do that that Carlito's way with fucking for my money Sean Penn's hair duty so good. Talking to bedroom normal people when he's on the boat, all fucking coke kill. Come on man. Man The movie didn't work for me only because Penelope Cruz Bro who I've. Got I'm with God. Aged. American. Mutt Fox motherfuckers I've never lost a fight. I just rented a fucking time. Because if you take away that clock. loopier in the morning and I will affect the SSD posing coach. Gus. Right, you just ran out of time guy like less than six points I'm like. Because the scoreboard was off I know when the morning man you'll be you're throwing still I know the kids they're not going to do anyway big period I like that. In some that's the one to me. That's the best. Pacino moving performance. Robin Williams a serial killer in Alaska and the sun never goes down for a couple of months ago. He's a photographer. He's got all that he's got the dark room. Is that the one? No. It's a good. It's I understand leaping lodge. One hour photo or something, but he's a weird killer. Williams is. Just agreeing with you but saying it's a different movie. You're the one. He was. The one that said just now, how does that surprise you were talking about it you? To movies where he's a fucking serial killer I don't think A. Killer sticks creepy in the one I didn't see it because I was washing my hair or something i. don't sound like Owen Wilson. Maybe angry. Because I'm sensitive. My my nose looks like a pain. I don't know why is everybody else in a while probably from watching skyler stone is that everyone's impression similar? Everyone's impression is an impression you know like Dana Carvey doing George Bush George. Bush never went lack. A. He said it's it's a thing that's the impression. Is that I just go. Back It's when you can talk like that motherfucker how we talked to his friends Kevin Pollack's Christopher Walken is better than my Christopher Walker. A character right? This is fucking. There's no show when you can talk the way if you were in a car with. Christopher Walken. And he just looked young you. WanNa. Turn right here. Like that's when pollock was at way before I was I went. Holy Shit. But didn't the westbound? Can't. I. Love. What was the line that Pacino Line? You just said which one? You just said it. I. Oh wow. It was per from. CARLITO's with. Something Mobile motherfucker southern about a gun who you've been with. You. I was like Yeah I love. Kids, I had to write it down because it's It's I never remember it again in my life and I knew it was important I like King of new. York. When walking goes to the guy that's just tell me why are you stole from me? He's got a gun on just tell me why. Me Why It was for the money. All right. He goes just tell me why. He. Goes for the money right just tell me why. Are when you first did comedy be. I do comedy I went to Ucla. Came to the show at the laugh factory you're on the lineup on their forget it was you Dane Cook Dove David Off, I want to say Freddy Soto fucking murder always and I believe Al Benny was a No Pixel he was hosting but I remember him because I met him shortly after but I think he lives in Australia what do I know about hosts anyway anyway. I think. Doing last comic standing and Shit and I remember you got into this big SUV and took off and I'm like, oh dude this fucking crazy like these guys have the best lives we do. You just popped on stage. You've got in the car, and now I'm like, Oh, now I know what that's like when you're department another spot or something to do and. I don't I get. Historically for thirty three years I say good night I'm home by the time he text me. because. You got like what the fuck he doesn't hang out and that's Because I'll ruin it. Here's the perfect sample size of me. Tonight they tell me it's fifteen to twenty minutes. So I've made a pill for you of me. That's perfect and it's going to help you you swallow at I'm out of here and I never exist out. That's it. I'm going to. Go like, Hey, I like your shirt this. What am I knew I can improve it I. Love hanging out with Comedians the most but with that comes the people that are coming go unless there's a green room I'm not what am I? GotTa, go I. CAN'T I get nuts so you don't hang out anywhere. I mean, you haven't for years, but if you were like. That's the thing is I hang out hallway. This is hanging out like when I see with the Improv from hanging out. But it's because the show ran long. Run late or something yeah. You were there unusual circumstance I knew who if I knew you were there I would drive there. Because I would like to see you in the hallway but nobody that newsletter doesn't really exist. It's the lineup that tweet out, but I'm not GonNa go my phone and see my friends would working. 'cause we never get the hang out headline is always in different towns. UNLESS, you're in fucking Denver at the same time as Chelsea handler at the fuck and Pepsi Center when you're doing a club and then you go to fuck and San Jose and she's where the San Jose Sharks play when you're doing a fucking who. Different town honey bunny..
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"So like he would, he would be like what the fuck are you doing this disgracing our whole family. It's fun I'm doing them once I started making some money Chit and he's I mean, you guys are close to Israel. So it's I gotTA GET GOLDEN WHY? With you stand with Israel but sure know where is Persia. Why is why is he wrong called? Persia. Say I don't know I mean people say I think for the connotation. As you, why is your Uncle Persia, the Persian empire? A White Guy Again I'm not bragging office. I have zero like okay. So I have no clue I. Mean it was some time I'm guessing that area of the globe was called perjury right? It had to be right. Persian, how do you know? Much about it to be honest with don't know much about how. You're Persian I'm going to be. White. From the Caucasus Mountains Dude It's late caucus but whatever. Lake Caucus. Why did you go to traffic court? Where a ticket I gotta take an month butter. You find all your tickets do you find them but be surprised? You know I went. Close to one hundred percent I've heard buddy if you extend. Jamie. Buddy Buddy listen but you want to say more P or P. J One of the greatest guy is. What are the greatest characters buddy listen yard game mario or you have this more? Peace Funny Pot pirate euthanasia. That's what you actually just nailed because his he is rarely. He is. Iranian. But. Yeah. He puts a much different accent just crushed it. I was going to. Think to correct. or the words. Russian but it wasn't. It was perfect. He's a yeah. He's Pretty Clinton. Doesn't speak Farsi which I don't understand how we're talking about the owner of the laugh factory. Who I love we all love you don't love. Well maybe that'll he's giving some funny advice. They said, you gotTa Say More P. P PP's funny pirate loud hiring nuts Z. Mike I'm on like it's six o'clock after noon Posey. Dan Cookies is coming out with garbage in Jar Janey more DUMI favor do show for me the kids coming comedy. camp. When is it just come at eight am You like what and hand on potatoes to homeless. I'm doing borat eventually I. Love. Be Your words. Me May, Jamie Masada, Jamie's office at the laugh factory getting. High. And we're fucking. As Dennis Miller says the can the guys on Amtrak's smoke? Some, you'll poyton north slope trip we'd and then. He. Looked around. Me Looks at me and he just goes we sat in silence for like minutes finally just goes. Look at Ralphie. Look. I'm highest fucking a draft. Ereck Dick. fucked up like I am moving because I can't. Look around six, hundred pound mountain of human. Who I thought was a lesbian when I met him. Boy. My brother has eternal life here. Turn alive brother you know when he passed look at. It was a year. It was you did a podcast about him and I listened to it. I forget where I was coming from. I think I'm gonNA gain Santa Barbara. Some sheep I listened to it and I was like. Getting, a little teary eyed at some point zero I thanks I was on the way to his memorial. And it ended when I got to the fuck and door of the IMPROV. That's what it was. Right I was like I can't believe examining. You were doing that. That's the. WAY THEY'RE OF I. told a couple of stories and that was like an. So I just want to tell you wrapping up at the fucking marquee. And I told Corey that night to grandma glovebox I'm either going to emergency room or jail. But that's where the bail money is. If I go because the guys were going up like, Hey, I found his body right in Colorado like they're like. But fuck I'm like I'M GONNA, kill somebody you're the last enablers. And I knew who she'll tell you here's one you wouldn't seen it. You because, this is not how we up there's only one wolf operatic. I told her am I wrong. I know these guys hardback not these these. If you'd like to buy a poetry book, I will send it to you for. Twenty two dollars. Twenty, two dollars I will send you my poetry book accelerate. It is perfect I. Got One also thirteen bucks I am more proud of it and I'm proud of yeah. So. Coach Jj Thirty, seven at G MAIL DOT COM. That's also the life coaching thing address. Let me see this book little diddy I haven't promoted this book because out. They. Released Shit in two weeks you a favorite one corey. Mangled, metal brought you to me oil took off all your clothes. You don't need them. No one sees us and I've waited for you like this truth is I've never loved someone with all black smoke filling alongs. Nobody's ever seen. Join me now without broken ribs and terror. To greatest lovers in my mouth crawled from what killed everyone else. Unless, you swallowed your own blood, ask God to help you find your limbs. You can't give me what I'm needing. Sole survivor laid down with me. You might day after disaster but I escape nude and broken from everything you've known to date. Down here I have a symphony played by the fools who've departed because they couldn't find a hatch wouldn't get burned pulling levers. They were happy to sit in suffocate holy victimized. Adore you. Okay. Bruises they can't see. Getting hard on broke got dropping man. I could open the her walking monologue I actually became. I had a little girl. I did Colin Quinn in the middle by mistake. Walk, walk away from the table before you catch fire from gaslight. Fall in love with a shot thing landfill. John Breakers Double Xeros. Book if you did it like that. Do Different characters reading your poems do name one I'll do. We tell you are the missing princess? Earlier Bucks at the move. Ground. Birds Bang Bang. This made a cotton candy feather tight with babies. Breath..
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"Turn. Ever had on stage. And you look in the audience and there's one. Guy Kinda like giving you that one thing. Giving you that one look what you know what? It's because he's not happy doing. It sitting it's hard to watch motherfucker fun if you're not happy where you're at in your life. I'm going to get out of here was great to hat. Will All Of your starting because I kind of time or I stop dropping. So you said Emma I like Cedric says the. Iger `Word Hager. Larry Shall We. Know Christ why would you be ready to record now? Amir is joining us. If you were a fighter us, put him at fucking Radio Mirror KS join US ninth caller gets wheel of cheese and hooters girl? We don't see the point anymore one, zero, five, five, one, zero, five, point five, they don't say. that. Yeah, it was a big lake corporate edict. In radio went from like ninety seven point is like ninety, seven, eight guys. Just save radio. Thanks. One of my first jobs back in the day pipe pray Super super-hacker when you have a radio. Voice. And always say how could those guys call into work sick conversely, good morning bucks I don't think I'm an engineer feeling a little under the weather. Tacky at all and I think it's Hilarious I don't give a fuck or something. I? Don't care who cares. About that I did that this tacky and I don't think I've told us feeling well under the level. I. Tell you. It's not hockey because I'm the authority on all things comedy here because it's my house. The boss only knows him is that. Saying. He sounds the same when he's sick. So how the fuck this? We've got to sell it like, yeah, you can't. Take off but anyway, this attack, it has something to do with your show last comic. Standing Watch the hands look. So was doing audition in my first year comedy. Last comic standing was waiting in line to go open microchip and read I like pulled me out of the line because she she knew me from the Mike and. I love reader she's fucking love that woman. And she's been so good to me anyway. Yeah man for. Real. It's Greg Giraldo. Yet debt debt. Debt is awful. The talk. Jarrow. Dead. I next next week. Next week did I do the job I did that joke from audition and they're like, yeah. Got Implies. No no no. No. The other host mean the other judge it there anymore you weren't there then. No. It was Jesernik. It was Colin Quinn. Anyway never draw the did it and it was. Escaping anyways nipsy. Russell Hustle. Amen I kind of had a job like that. So that joke did not make me laugh but I gotTA. Tell you one thing remember. That because a comedian soda. And I was like I'll never do that joke. That's That's the thing with the show is why left was when they took the comics out of the house, it's just star search. And the thing about the comedians living together in a house and wearing each other down forming like without being like that you form an alliance, just human nature's to go what are we can do about so and so he's killing us. That's all that's where the TV was as far as. That is for me wanted just do standard. That's the show that I sold. So I didn't know you're on the show until I was going over the notes to record today I've always thought you were so funny I was telling you this upstairs like. BITs. Bits, about traffic, court. I go. There's no, there's no there there. There's no golden that mine and then watch on Youtube I go holy Shit. You the thing about white guys don't how to talk into a Mike. You're on. People. And I'm like Whitehead, the kids his wife. He's you're right. Anything to get a connection with the fucking judge, and then like they'll be black woman. That's way too close like, okay. First of all, she's so confident she has no idea she killing everybody like I'll speak about. Isis. Shit to do sit there because I fight all the tickets I get I mean this is the thing I did. You could also not get a ticket is a much quicker way. But if you get one fight the fucking thing fight the. You know how I fight it I, mailed them, my fuck and check and I forget it. I'm not. What am I going to fucking cords? Thousand. Right, I got it like that guys. This is someone else's house liberace's it's someone else's a first of all department second of all it's not mine. It's my name's not on this. You told me to get out today I gotta go. They won't. Your by the way I get out Ameer KS. Hat says, Ethel's Ninetieth Cape Cod. Two Thousand Twelve first thing I said was ethel's dead. Sad. It's sad to think about why is that said? Nobody liked apple esther permits for Bisky. This is her aunt, her aunt is. At the hats in her car like grab one of those and I love is that I now I like the lady worse. Because I made a run at esther sort of no, I did know pretty ambiguous. She did a joke about one of your boyfriend. Maker call him daddy and he liked pushed out a Mike. That's me. She needs a daddy. Daddy that's my whole existence. If you're not gonNA, suck your thumb on mule to me. Use for you because I don't know who I am I need to feel important by your words Daddy's an important word. That's nice. I think that's the first. Texan? That's correct. I wanted to get an ass pussy. Yeah. Yes. Go Hey Daddy Egos. Put. Up Jen I thought you in all fairness I thought you were scholars. Oh. Perfect. Because we have a different you know Larry. Your Dad in the I read some Article With You and your dad do it on stage but your dad going, this is my son, the clown. I read it in an article. And I went do stage by the way I used to joke that is really big in the Persian community because it's like talking about. whereas. Persia. If I was going to look on a globe, where would I find it? You'RE GONNA be calling my mother. My mother's dog come on and she's dead, which is also great. At Alzheimer's death, you could think of when the phone Rings Chances Empty Pot of coffee I'm sorry that's fucking funny. Happened to me. I was there. And I still don't know who was on the line. Because you know we're getting closer together for this photo. So yeah, esther was at the Improv opening for McDonald. There was like eleven comics open for norm and she just said something about boyfriend I. WanNa Boyfriend to call me daddy any broke up. I was in the showroom what leaving I just want. Any ran in there, but I didn't say to her like, do you want to date I was just like she's really funny i Larry's the lower. So I just kept it like that like staying five stay in touch, but my my intentions were not pure you ever Chevron? Well, if she doesn't text back tough. But Astro it is I'm going to set aside. And I want you in the podcast. Of course I do. But when you ask people to be on the PODCAST, it's like. ISU. because. Who Cares right after sixteen years I saw you on mushrooms do standup perfectly by the way. I love you. I'm at the back stairs at the Improv going to do somebody else's podcast. You're following me up the stairs I'm like, what are you doing? I don't know I'm tripping my Fa- mushrooms right now Mike All Right. Then, somebody goes you know you're up next you go. Cool. I'd go. You're going on stage like. He just looked at me the way I look people but we an. Like. Yeah. What. You're going to bear. Back escort. Like. You're a condom with this animal. AIDS again come on. Get Double Dip and I'm not GonNa get AIDS twice used that shampoo via give you forget it. That's the. Thing I shampoo. Tail, and Mane heading talked. So do you have a bit where you go like my my son the clown Call me this thing going up like son of a bitch and you call me. On the bench any bigger funding clown that was like he was because I'd always get in trouble for talking school and. Being class Tom Rivers. Clocking cloudy and be so pissed when you became a comedian apply like now he's like I thought it was like he thought that's what the job title no yeah. No no, he thought like. Read, the kids are laughing at me. You know what I mean..
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"I looked down at a coffee table. There's a tiny Bible like the size of a phone like an iphone. Tob It's a book of. I'm not sure what the book was like. Religious Book like Guide to Your Saints type thing, but it was a little older like from the fifties. I was drawn to it when it opened it up there. You go to a funeral. There's a card for you. The prayer on it. Sometimes it's laminated. Like forty of these in there. Go. Was this. Your Dad's and I'm like why the fuck would you say that he goes? That was my dad's. Wow. You can't sell this personally, because now we. We got a lot of stuff. It's just a thing. It's just I go, this is. There's personal things in here, so the I put the book out to sell without looking inside I suppose, but I opened to the page where all these cards where funerals of people. Guy Goes hold the book for you. It's fine like a not annoyed, but he don't hold the book any more. He opens the book and goes. Oh My All. Hey you sent here by God. I turn around. He's putting the book in his pocket. The guys crying. It was his dad's Book And it was personal. He looks at me. He goes. Where'd you come from? The gods engineer this just happening. The God send you here ago. Who knows man? Who knows. And I realize and I say to the Guy Through my mask I live in Malibu. He goes. Why are you here? I go I have no. That's what happened. It's a weird time. And I don't know what the messages, but that was extraordinary and it's been a freaky week. Have you guys had weird weeks spiritually? Electron stuff going lackey. Think, maybe your mom, your dad, your aunt, your uncle, your brother. Your sister is kind of. kind of communicating with you. I don't know because I know my mom's talking to me. I know it. It's very clear when it's my mom communicating with me after this life. Very Clear I'm holding something that's closed like say a bag pistachios from the market. And as I'm putting stuff away, IOS hit the counter, but the bags on open. That's what my mom change falls out my pockets, but I don't have any change in my pockets. Picked up I think it. STARBURST starburst hits the counter lot of sweets. I don't like sugar radical. As. My Mom's like gag. Come home the other day. He has mean my assistant was here. At my apartment in Malibu, Watching my dogs. I go into my son's little, not bedroom and second to the sheet hanging alcove with a mattress. And the irons on blinking on the floor I go. Hey, this is not safe. She goes NGOs. WHOA, she didn't put it. There was an iron on the floor, and my son's room plugged in I'm the only one that lives here. I N. T shirts from wrestling camp. It's plugged into the wall. It's blinking and it's not hot. And, she completely goes all like she's kind of freaked out, I'm like no, this is really beautiful cool! I'm just curious if you guys have found in the stillness. It's actually served. You. Open you up to a more connected. Moment to moment being in the moment life. Because, I'm real present now. I'm I can't be alone. There's no way I'm alone. I WANNA AA meeting once. I'm not advertising A. That's what worked for me. If you want what I can show you what I did so I know. A Guy a meeting, my home one I used to go to on Sunday when I lived somewhere else. In the middle of his speech was boring Spiekermann, which is. Rare one meeting later stars that. Go there. I remember. My friend wants from Boston goes. Chebbi was up by I. Love You, Papa, he goes. Break the mini, but one of them I was beetle. I bet it was George now. John I bet. I wonder which beautifullest. Let's see Paulin ring or alive. So I'm going to pick between Paul and I'M GONNA go. With the ugly one. Shrinking cock off because he's Ringo. Great Drummer nobody cares because he's standing next to the fucking hot Paul looks like a Norwegian woman. Then and now. She loves you. Fool like me both. I know my point was my point was stay connected, right? Be More. Spiritual not religious spiritual big difference, somebody said Oh. The Guy to speaker at the meeting goes. There's me. He was a boring picker like twenty minutes like Oh. My God and the middle of all this cacophony of bullshit noise. Members is having a bad day he goes. Look. There's me. And the universe. And that's fucking impossible. Think about that. There's me and the universe, and that's fucking impossible. There's you. Who you are right now listening. And then there's the universe. You're the universe. I know it sounds like hippy dippy crystal to Panga Canyon stuff, but this is a trying time out trying means I don't talk like that. This is a hard time. fucking scared. People dying is more people dead than the Korean War. There's no guns. They're coughing. fucking ventilator talk and presents given. Shout out to fuck it peat. Moss companies and Tennessee. It's a scary scary time. We're going to be okay. We will just annex. Dacoven virus like we annexed influenza like we annexed. You know other things that we deal with seasonally I guess. Not a hoax. It's crazy. I feel like there's something they're not telling us as well. I'm not a conspiracy guy, but sums up. The fact that we can clone animals, you can take a DNA double helix and replicated. Frigid fucking microscope. That's the size of a house. Like what? You can clone living thing. Nobody has any idea what the fucking corona viruses? I don't I don't know. I have to just go I mean. I feel great I physically I feel fantastic. Cut the Keith Morrison. Voice over. A polaroid picture of me on a refrigerator Jay more comedian. But who is laughing at his death? Will. Oh. You guys have really reached out to me a lot and asked me about the podcast and I'm going to tell you the reason. You're listening to this right now. You guys are. You Beautiful I love you. Give me a great life. I feel healthy. And IF I didn't watch the news or see a bunch of people dressed like Asian people in the airport time with mask and fucking visors like there's a poker room someplace about. I will ever know anything was askew. But things are really S Q. It's a weird time. We are going to be OK. Okay. Says me I fucking guaranteed. I feel really good. Just talking guys what happened today was. Spiritual.
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"Fucking wanted this quarantine shit. How many Gang Bang a quarantine! The other party to get my gang socks. Lisa and was on the podcast. I go. How come I watch? Porn is a gang. Bang. Black. Socks So I like a knee brace. Weightlifting Belt. And she goes in case buddy each other's foot while they're having sex go! That's make me come. With Me Corey and Lisa An. Hotel Room together like sitting on the bed. I'm like this is my life. This is weird. Me Corier in bed with most famous points of all time. Oh. Okay this me today. During quarantine for Cova. covid nineteen. I'm actually in quarantine for Cobra twenty two. I'm just getting a headstart on it. So. Here's the thing I'm in Malibu. I'M GONNA. Go To my other apartment and planet this close to my son's school. Do some laundry. Come back to Malibu. Suddenly I'm in Van Nuys which is in a valley, so Malibu Pacific Coast highway, I take Pacific Coast highway south. Well, it's actually. NERD out. It's actually East Santa. Monica Bay kind of. Bottom line is i. go in the other direction. I Take Malibu Canyon 'cause I. Thought It'd be pretty next thing. I know I'm in Van. Nuys. It's just having me a couple of hours ago right now it's. Eleven PM. On Wednesday night. I went to drive. The Playa Vista. Have our later basically. I woke up. In Van Nuys, I drove over the Hill Malibu Canyon into the San Fernando Valley. Twelve mile reroute for no reason. I know van is I. Don't know the values to coach at Crespi. High, school. In Encino and I get lost almost every single.
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"These pictures in. Yeah they go. Do you have a picture of your a picture like this in front of the Pyramids and I didn't yet now thought about it. Of course I thought about it. What a great shot. But I had you couldn't squat just right in that light to make it like it's going up your ass but this is a hard. There were too many people around to make. I didn't do it. I'd literally just been for ten minutes not too. Many kids changed wonders. Why they take to the precinct they look at it for what for what for. Why the picture here why I go camp comedy? It's funny beef beef eater serious Buckingham Palace me but for what we don't understand for what so they go. What if he said this? What if you posted this in front of the Pyramids I go? I didn't go well. We don't know 'cause there's zero WIFI and Egypt. I mean they still scribe. It's prehistoric times. Good you know. I don't want to fucking animals on the Internet figuring how to make a bomb up. Thank God they got so there. They will actually quantify that the listeners. I'm talking about filthy. Egyptians okay guys are so so. I think it's I think it's a joke. I think it's funny is a big deal and they basically say okay. You'RE GONNA PAY SURMOUNT MONEY. You'RE GONNA go. I'm like oh or is that number time dates. Hit a number by five hundred bucks or something big deal. So they're gonNA show precinct precinct. How did you get the pyramids the precinct which is not an ironic camel to precinct? Kia more like a magic carpet. What people are realized by the Pyramids is like someone's Reineck? Oh it's only ten leagues across the Valley of the Kings on the Campbell. It's a fucking parking lot with Honda's and then the Pyramids it's Vegas. There's nothing romantic like the Pyramids. It's like you're in a whole country. I mean there's still quite an attraction you'll get me wrong aliens. Make this thing like how did you get the fuck people but like like the camel like basically you get on a camel and you pose in from the basic off again so take a kid precinct. They drove me. It's literally a precinct is fifty yards is right there. They obviously a resume terrifying. If it's happening to you but you're not afraid I'm not afraid at this point. I'm not afraid 'cause you just gotTa American sensibilities I'm GonNa America wasn't GonNa do to me right. Oh so and they're looking at these pictures and they go well. You have a picture like this. I don't know how do we know I go. It's not an iphone. They sent it and deleted. I didn't have to wait and find out and I go. Okay and I go through. St- all the different rooms if they keep many people listening to my podcast. They're listened to my n word video there literally. Isn't that where the drug thing says in midnight? Express Turkey Turkey so sorry so I'm trying. I think I'm going to deer them to making jokes. They're often water. There'd be laughing at your jokes. Sometimes I got these guys charmed. It's it's GonNa be fine and the one guy that you'll probably have a couple of hours and then at one point a couple hours. Hey they can sell the bartender. They Take Arbor. Nikon's they take a truck now the embassies close. I can't call the embassy. They take in a truck and they drive me an hour and a half outside of is to an abandoned building. Jamar God I swear my life and abandoned building like like in the suburbs and their guards with machine guns in front of this abandoned building. It's pitch black. There's no street lamps. And we pull up ongoing what the FUCK IS GOING LIKE EARNER WROUGHT IRON GATES. You go up. There's like one fluorescent tube. Like flickering like Burger comes out like water dropping. Woke up five five points. This is building for sure. It's a place called six October city outside of user. Are you in cuffs handcuffs? Were you were your hand. I think I was. I think they're in the front. They went in the back. I do have to interrupt. Did you ask any time. Am I under arrest like what we would ask here because then here they have to go yes or no they am? I being detained. Is the magic sentence here. No we just have more questions so I'm not arrested. I never went into a cell and they go you have to. I'm waiting beat me. Nobody speaks English and fuck in Egypt. People's rejection is topnotch though our I go into the prosecutor's office guys abandoned building and you go in there and there's an and they're wearing suits. Okay maybe this is like some civilization suits who they still does from fucking stone age so again they just look at pictures they go for what for and I go funny comedy are and they just keep scrolling at all my pictures and they say Dick Pic Archer your husband's name. I have a Dick Pic. It's yours Jay. Now I have a dick pic of me who else Dick Pic with a hat. And I actually want. I don't I don't think I've sent you now. Of course she says you look at the the Dick Pic and they go like. Who'S THIS I go? It's my they're like no. It's not. You like Bro. I go I go is a good angle. They actually think it's like it's a mouse dickerson. Because they're afraid because you're circumcised so so then at the end of this whole thing is goes four hours in a Muslim country I do see their confusion. Your answer's Yes asshole. Pictures for comedy. Yes No. It's comedy I come up on stage with my phone in my pocket and picture my asshole in my phone and Semi Asshole. J. I don't talk about it at all and it's just funny comedy. Yes I yet. There have been a lot of people have been annoyed at my. I have all the time. I'll tell you my all time wrong. Asks photos sent ever lost a friend. I'm like what happened. Tell you the fuck is going on yeah. Some discussion about taints having like a zipper line ago. I don't have one and it kept going and going two weeks later. Took a picture of Mike Tate and I sent it over. The guy had to go back to the person and be like. I'm really sorry. That was disgusting over the Line said to a guy guy girl. It's a difference. I'm not tip nece okay. Because if somebody really respect and care about and I'm still like the fucking that person talking about what they don't see it that way at all so I gotta respect that reality of course and so no. I love you so after four hours. They go of all these questions mostly about my instagram and pictures on my phone and what. I'm doing what you're in Saudi Arabia and you need to lie if I was doing a comedy show in Saudi Arabia where I go work. I canceled their like interesting so they think I'm there where Emoji they could. Where's your return flight I am? I am booked a flight out of Egypt jet so they think I'm there just. I have no idea whether the white guy came over to blow your shit up you now. You crack the case guys. Check OUT J. So while while being detained here they released an article that you can find online and the press that says an American tourist was arrested on suspicion of homosexuality. It was in the newspaper. Yeah you can Google right now. Why don't you have every copy of this frame? And that's your wallpaper in your home is the best. Why don't you have a copy I showed you can get online? Why didn't you go just to the newsstand? The next dangerous. GimME EVERY PAPER. I didn't know about this two days later. How do you know that's what it said? It's in Farsi. I'll show you the articles four different and they all have different stories about what happened. One of the stories is that he's using. He's taking pictures of himself to lure homosexuals to the pair on facebook. I swear to God. He's he's lowering homesick by the way makes complete sense to me. Yeah that the story. You just told me if they told me that story. I go If it wasn't you yeah go home. Maybe fucking free. Yeah so the whole time and then they'd already then they go you pay. You have ten thousand Egyptian pounds right and I'm like ours here. It's like six bucks and once you pay it will let you go so I there's a twenty four hour bank right next to the precinct again. Shakedown I pay them. Nobody ever think about over there at the money and I go. They don't let me go. I'm there for another day and like freaking out. What's happening. Apparently went to went up two poles of the Muslim Brotherhood. Who decided that had to do more quote unquote research to see. If I was like Kareem abdul-jabbar Muslim Brotherhood of Islam. Now like the people realize about EgyptAir of spring is run by Muslim. Extremists in Egypt is homosexual. It's against the law is not a religious country like Iran was just like fuck it. We're going to Karan's Egypt is pretending they're but they're not swinging door at capital if you do deep cuts on what's happening in Iraq. There's people getting arrested thrown. Jalen EGYPT FOR YELP reviews. Whose fault is that mine by the doing on Yelp and Egypt. Anyway you fucking Dick not you. Whoever was yeah I was at the pyramid. I'm giving it three stars because I expected to be this humid. Yeah exactly and then. The client need human. Y'All just goes that guy's a fucking Dick Stars. Yeah so the whole time to go back to the precinct and they're all looking at me and laughing and it's because they're like Oh. We caught a gay guy. An American Gay Guy who's trying to get some Egypt S I guarantee you. They're all thinking about how we get our dicks on your body. I'm not joking at all. I'm not joking. Anything that goes down in the Middle East. I'm not generalizing. Kadhafi's death the fucking put shoes possess in the street. You can do anything you want. You kick them in the dead. Yeah they'll run out of their homes and they fucking fingers ass and they take off shoes. Everything's the yeah come on so I'm there. I'm there. Finally an guy who spoke English. No WASTE BOGGLING SAYS POINT BEING. Keep your shoes clear. Your she's clean he goes. What are you doing here and I tell him he goes. I'm going to help you out. So he gets me in touch with just a random. He was interpreter there. He's military for other people but he's he's interpreter. He goes he gets me on the phone with embarks lawyer. Who's the biggest leases? Yes he doesn't happen. I go `but alive so I'm not sure what he's still entertainer. Who I guess is still a big lawyer though still pulling from trough. Yeah exactly colonel. Parker and he goes he goes L. Costs two thousand dollars to get you out so they it keeps going on different other deporting. Amit gracious in abandoned buildings. No they bring me back to the precinct to this point. Free sleeping because cells like a bunch of young boys with their fingers. Around the bar so fucking. I'm like literally in the cell like Barney Miller near those kids. Those photos yeah sleeping. I'm not sleeping. I'm sitting there. They don't give me food. I get top water from the Nile. Lash and I'm sitting there just like the river in Egypt guy so today's like no food just water and I'm just I'm literally going with the focus on and eventually this lawyer takes immigration. They deport me and fly out to Paris and that night. I'm in fucking what the fuck is. How do you not get home immediately? There's no I mean. Basically these other layover. So that's a great story. There's more to the story it's truncated. That's amazing yeah. I'm wondering how do you put the exclamation point on that story on stage though how you turn that into a bit? Exactly you turn into a bit it happened. That's the bit is what happened. I say oh I got arrested in Egypt for suspicion of homosexuality people laugh I get arrested in Egypt for being a homosexual. Then the crowd yeah. I think she said that upfront. I'm also gay but gay. Yeah you should look at. These articles are hilarious. Here's here's the articles about the. Why did it go to somebody else? You've been looks more official than you even telling me about this article for fucking half hour you pull it up. Handed the corey okay. I don't read newspaper Articles podcast. Sorry I forgot the rules midday something. You'd be the girl in the Bar. Fat's got drunk on your right like we go up to the door. It'S THIRTY BUCKS NO PROBLEM. I got it. Don't even go in. Your pockets. Bothers me go inside. She's Franken and fucking face off and like you know what if you want something else like something back that up? I'll get it for you. Good Okay you want me now. I'm not gonNA drink. I'm not going to drink okay. And then the food comes right and then she says like Do you WanNa fuck me I do and what did you say and they said. Do you WANNA come over. I do yeah. I can't applies. You can't because I applies in the morning. Yeah you don't WanNa miss pull out these and then I wait six seconds and I hold the back of her neck and my hand like this and I pull her close to me and this year right here goes to flinch. I pulled her closer. I close when I go. You Little Fuck listen to me. You'RE GONNA finish that fucking steak sandwich wherever the fuck that shit is and we're GONNA go back to your house and I'm going to find out what your throat sounds.
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"So the story worked. Just fucking guy can't change reality it worked. That's all. Yeah so one of the things that happened when I got the test. Dna tests in my home in my apartment in New York. Because the mother called me up and said you have a daughter all missing from my brain. So I'm man so I said no absolutely glass and the hang up. That's the token but no so is like so so dumb but she so she ordered a guy to come take my to take DNA. She ordered a Guy. She hired a company. Like what you get over there. You went on the Lam hiding. No no no. You didn't know when the guy says a briefcase and I had a friend with me my best friend for moral support which is true and and you guys are guys. Just WanNa make other guys feel terrible when they're in their like dude it's fucked up. He kept saying. Do this like an AIDS test. This is like an AIDS test bro. You're just like an AIDS test except AIDS. They're to find out if I have a non AIDS baby at the same time expense. Lisette is so fucked up in that because like you know first of all one of the test is positive. Your life is basically over. The other one's just AIDS and you can't get it twice. Yes so that was a joke. Fuck you better not be able to get it twice. I'll just use that shampoo so you find you take the DNA tests. You find out that joke. I go one over the other tests. Great Joke I see said I was so far ahead of that joke. He goes up so far that joke. That's a that's amateur joke. You're right better jokes in that. That's what this suggests singer said to me. The joke was so good. I thought you were just being funny in the moment right now. I didn't. I didn't detect it as joe from bit. Yeah that's a great joke. I thought so I liked. It won't Change Your Life. What is it one? Your Life is why I love. I love the meter. I love that because I my first instinct is removed just but now it needs us. 'cause it's just a heads so with AIDS yes child over. He told you what soft in it he tells me. He was so far ahead of that. Joe And he's he was yeah. He said he was headed that joke. He's gotTa write better material that you talk to the cave and figure out how to write better jokes. Creighton Cave Creek in the cave for his. It's some club in New York City. So an alternative club booker can help you with your personal story that I just laughed at about you and your daughter because fucking check from the creek and the cave. Yes you want. Some fucking jokes tightened up you call. Monica creaking walking hook it up and she wrote for Jimmy Walker dynamite. So have you done this story since now? And how long does that? That was like three years ago unacceptable and talk a little bit but fault of yours. Because it's new it's new it's a new world like it's a new way of living your life when you walk the walk up there and you're fucking sharing your heart wolf. Yeah there's you know but I've found that sentimentality trump's comedy. Because I started the bid when I started doing the bed of my mom died of Alzheimers. Like how was the few everyone goes? How was the funeral? Dj was Nice on the left now makes an and didn't like. Oh we left early. 'cause I'm not a coke guy. House the funeral. Yeah just that bit tight. Alzheimer's tied to the Dolphin Swimming Story. My Mom's photo with the Dolphin which you know who I was doing. The Dolphin her son Jayjay. It's like Russian stacking dolls of time. The light at the IMPROV. Once and I go six minutes left and I got a twenty minute fucking bip chop up here so I just rushed all through it when I was done. They were just Kinda Sad. I go and I was just thinking I go so this is a big night. I go so when I tell you guys. I'm happy you when I get up here. I mean probably more than most comics us too so and they were like they all stood up all s- sure if all I'm more sentimentality time. Yeah at blew my mind but I meant it and I had to save the show. It was a little showmanship but I do mean it like. I'm really happy to see them. That's why I feel the most life. Yeah so yeah. Do you support to be vulnerable and connect to the audience to say guys? Thank you for runoff stage in fear. I always I can hang. Out of derelict fucking phony. Sammy Davis Junior. Like ladies. Gentlemen kind permission to sing. A marvelous are written in Pan Alley by like fucking just due to candyman so I always get off as soon as I'm talking and controlling time and space. It's like an avalanche of just pebbles. Thanks like going into the back of a huge truck like act and I got out of there so I could just sort of how I would describe it but I wouldn't say it's important to be sentimental at the end at all. I think you just have to be sentimental. The entire time sentimental. I mean I'm not saying for you. I'm GONNA thing for him or for her for me. I to just I just got to be present and heart and truth. I can't I can't write a fucking joke. It's not real so much shit happens to us in a real lives if you share it up. Who can criticize you? What credit could write a negative article about your material if it happened to you? Yeah like gasping for air time when that book came out I remember Reading Review and the guy's like well my this. I'm explaining what happened to me. Yeah and you're writing a negative review of what happened to me like you don't like how a wrote what happened to me about Saturday. Night live about Monday. Happens Tuesday the Saban's Farley Nirvana sorry? My life wasn't cool for you. Have you something else asshole? But it's critic proof if you just go from your heart so I oughta stuff is really important. You have used a huge heart man. You're you're you're you're you're one of us I see you. What could you teach a newcomer to comedy with competence arrested in Egypt for being gay? No I do work with comic that we both know who is an actor turned comic. And it's fifties. You really turned. The car maker is just a guy standing there because you know set to really accommodate turned into talking about okay. That's not anymore. I got him hats on even what you're talking about. Maybe but I I know exactly so the thing I tell him as I say the same thing I go and I take I got it from watching you. GotTa Wash J. I said I said Oh my go- your life is a life that very few people have lived. They can relate to it but you. You've had experiences because you're in this world and you've achieved a level of fame and success that the mass of people who had their cubicle every day five days a week day they look at you and they go. Tell me the story of life from your eyes. And he was doing like wrapping wrapping bids. Silly bits to any comic could he turned into a comic. So I thought maybe it was my preserve involved. Or why did tell him I said I said I said I told you I work. I go you tell stories based like you tell stories about working with Clint Eastwood and Tracy Morgan stuff that from a life p USS Y Y- from Malaysia. Tracy I've ever from and I go. You have an opportunity to tell stories like that. You worked on huge huge movies with huge directors. Tell those stories and be authentic about. Don't just talk like I was at the gym. What's that machine? That does this my balls fucking any comic an open wooden for him. Probably for you. The fear of being you've validation being rejected because that's what's personal. I would guess armchair psychiatrist. Yeah if I share that and they don't laugh who am I? Am I work with this guy on that? Show you guys all love and then this happen. Get this yet. I'm going to go kill myself myself and jerk off at the same time. Of course he's doing stupid yet. So in retrospect I'm probably saying to him exactly what I say to myself level. We always brother. Yeah it's amazing. All their life coach Shit. I'm doing coach. Jj thirty-seven g mail says revenue. I know that email by heart. Pack S Freeman. I'm always realizing this shit. I should be saying to myself. And they'd just like the key to the lock that gets me to just be aware of whatever the shit is. Yeah you teach a newcomer again again. If another comic. What people would still jokes of mine I would get really mad and then became like if you can still a joke a mind? Then it's not worth keeping because the newcomer in comedy like your jokes should make right stuff that's hackle and hackel will because it's so connected with your life. I mean the formula. The joke and the structure of the joke may be replicable. But the story behind is is your own. I love that man. This great great advice. That's great advice. I hate those Jerry. Garcia's quote fucked winker but the grateful dead quote. And it's going to be somebody Kulik right cooter. Ricky Martin jumped will soften Deepak Book Sucks. Don't be the best at what you do. Be The only one doing what you do By definition like I'm the I'm the greatest of what like nobody can fucking come near me. I'm so up top and the greatest of all time list. I'm the only one that is doing. I'm the only one when I say that's great advice. What's your biggest distraction comedy? Jesus Christ I think. I think there's a little bit of depression. There's a little bit of you can't control that though so yeah. There's a little bit of learned helplessness. Which is part of that. I think that sometimes my hustle disappears because hustled before and it didn't work. So why my hustling now? So it's it's yourself talk. A hundred percent ties on billy. I'm so happy about this episode. Because you're going to. I don't think you know the guy and I'm listening to right now. I think there's a bit of fun. House Mirror between who laid all of us who we are at our core and then social situations like how we think we're being perceived or whatever. Your answers are like really perfect. Beautiful grown evangelism. Prouty buddy. I love you man seriously. Did I tell you I'm going to be at Fort Lauderdale horse it. What happened to me? I went to the acupuncturist. This how fucking like narcissist out. You know we all makes was acupunctures. 'cause I'm writing to show for me. You're in it. Whatever take part at least Corey got this? What a narcissist we can all be at the acupuncturist and he goes run. Pretty hot I go. Things are going. Well he goes body temperature. I go like this guy was touch. My Body told me I'm running hot. I thought he was like he knows. I'm on fire. He just knows man he knows can crack Alaskan. How was the funeral billy? I'm a good. That's a weird question. They have to respond to okay. Don't really was amazing. What funeral what. How did you get arrested in each or the dates that you feel like you're getting fucked over by these girls? How would a girl fuck a guy over on a date to me? It doesn't involve eating and not having sex with me. She tells the waiter to call the police because I smacked her or something and I leave handcuffs like what the fuck. I really can't tell the story. No we're out of time. Okay bye guys will be at the Yucca cut in Topeka which I believe is could have said he's actually performing and a fucking joke again. Your own fucking self-preservation got overridden. Yeah you gotTa Make Paper. Sun Us to ask so. She was a high powered lawyer in San Francisco. The girl that you went on on a day wiping day with and I took her to lunch and I paid for lunch. Which is fine. We had a good time. Why is it always a qualifier with you and every story going with a girl but you paying for whatever the meal was? I'll tell you why of course you pay for a day of course but it's what I thought it was fucking hitting the brakes. So then she goes. What are you going to take out later? Tonight and literally. Yeah Bedroom episode your throat. Sounds like the fuck talking about? That's why would I go I go? Yeah yeah she was come back later. She was in San Francisco. I was in Oakland seeing my daughter. I go. I'll come back later. You're so you're married you black lady while Berkeley Oakland Berkeley Jason. I love just return serve. Sure what the fuck was coming out. You just want Iraq and you hit it but it was the chocolate Sunday show in Oakland. That's so funny that same weekend or something. What are these guys doing so so I said okay. I'll come back and then she takes. Where are you taking me to dinner and I go? Oh we're going to dinner and she goes. Yup We're going to dinner and I go Okay and then she goes. She picked out the black cat which is a Jazz Bar Dinner Club..
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"Your map. <Speech_Male> Who am I <Speech_Male> because you are here? <Speech_Male> Okay <Speech_Male> when she figured out who you <Speech_Male> are that the tenderness <Speech_Male> inside <Speech_Male> that person <Speech_Male> allows himself to <Speech_Male> be you <Speech_Male> know to fall in love <Speech_Male> to get choked up <Speech_Male> at movies too <Speech_Male> like <Speech_Male> my friend Aaron. <Speech_Male> We always kiss each other and cheek <Speech_Male> when we see each other. That's <Speech_Male> not normal for two guys <Speech_Male> really in America because <Speech_Male> like <Speech_Male> that's a tenderness that's <Speech_Male> that's love. <Speech_Male> I love <Speech_Male> my brother Aaron. <Speech_Male> I love my brother <Speech_Male> <Speech_Music_Male> straight up <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> so the <Speech_Male> tenderness inside <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Male> what what are you for <Speech_Male> that person <Speech_Male> kid inside. <Speech_Male> What are what are you for? <Speech_Male> That's the first <Speech_Male> question. What am I for <Speech_Male> the second question? His <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> who do I stand with <Speech_Male> when I'm for <Speech_Male> that. <Speech_Music_Male> Because they <Speech_Music_Male> gotta before that too <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Music_Male> and <Speech_Music_Male> third question is <Speech_Music_Male> where am I going. <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Music_Male> Those are the three biggest <Speech_Music_Male> roads on your map. <Speech_Music_Male> And I want you <Speech_Music_Male> <Advertisement> to. <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Music_Male> I mean if you want <Speech_Music_Male> to walk <Speech_Music_Male> you know I want <Speech_Music_Male> you to do 'cause I know it works. <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Male> I want you to really <Speech_Male> examine before you <Speech_Male> answer and I want you to keep <Speech_Male> working on that map <Speech_Male> and when you have negative thoughts <Speech_Male> about yourself <Speech_Male> like what am <Speech_Male> I doing. I'm such an idiot. <Speech_Male> I'm not a <Speech_Male> good enough. I'll never get <Speech_Male> this. I'll never finish <Speech_Music_Male> that. <Speech_Male> My boss is GonNa find <Speech_Music_Male> me out. I'm an imposter <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Music_Male> all those <Speech_Music_Male> negative thoughts you have. <Speech_Music_Male> I want you to realize <Speech_Male> that's <Speech_Male> going by a faulty <Speech_Male> bullshit map <Speech_Male> that you didn't right. <Speech_Male> That's not <Speech_Male> who you are. <Speech_Music_Male> You're not <Speech_Music_Male> and <Speech_Music_Male> this will help <Speech_Music_Male> quiet <Speech_Music_Male> the negative <Speech_Male> self-talk <Speech_Male> once you realize <Speech_Music_Male> you haven't <Speech_Music_Male> written the map you <Speech_Male> it's been written <Speech_Male> by everybody else in your <Speech_Male> life even your friends right now. <Speech_Male> They put big <Speech_Male> weird roads <Speech_Male> on delete <Speech_Male> them nowhere. <Speech_Male> Write your own <Speech_Male> map <Speech_Male> a proud of you guys more <Speech_Male> of these coming up <Speech_Male> <Speech_Male> For my stand up dates <Speech_Male> JAY MOHR DOT <Speech_Male> com. If you need some some <Speech_Male> help you WANNA get on stuck. <Speech_Male> It is <Speech_Male> a business from me <Speech_Male> so <Speech_Male> sometimes my inbox <Speech_Male> gets inundated. <Speech_Male> When I'm not clear <Speech_Music_Male> <Advertisement> with people just want <Speech_Music_Male> like advice <Speech_Music_Male> on a life? If <Speech_Music_Male> coach away <Speech_Music_Male> that I make a living. <Speech_Music_Male> I don't do it for <Speech_Music_Male> the money I do it. Because <Speech_Music_Male> I'm supposed <Speech_Music_Male> to separate people <Speech_Music_Male> from their concern <Speech_Music_Male> that's on <SpeakerChange> earth <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Music_Male> so I love love <Speech_Music_Male> you guys. You know what I mean <Speech_Music_Male> it. <Speech_Music_Male> Sorry for the car <Speech_Music_Male> sounds but <Speech_Music_Male> the hey I <Speech_Music_Male> had to get this episode <Speech_Music_Male> to you. I don't want you <SpeakerChange> to work on your <Speech_Music_Male> map. <Speech_Music_Male> Take him out. Corey <Speech_Music_Male> based <Music> <Speech_Music_Male> <Music> <Music> <Music> <Music> <Music> <Music> <Speech_Music_Female> <Speech_Music_Female> DOC <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Music_Male> <Advertisement> <Music> <Advertisement> <Music> <Advertisement> Walker <Music> <Advertisement> <Speech_Music_Male> <Music> <Speech_Music_Male> <Speech_Music_Male> Admiral uh-huh. <Speech_Music_Male>
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"Then highlights the best advice he ever gave me was just he believe in your jokes and believe in your heart. You know that you're funny and just do it. I love that you know I love. Oh that's Jeff says Orioles something about that to me once. Yeah change kind of changed my life because there there are some jokes that like didn't unlike my blackhawks job which one expect me to just choose one of your black jokes blackhawks bloom little joke about guys. You glad you're black. I don't know I've never done the blackhawks. Four me thank. You never felt my Blackhawk. No thanks Dante. Jones Jones Gorge. Oh my God yeah. There's one I gotta post it. There's a there's one about Jones at temple going for rebound and he has a fuck it. MAGNA lighting his shorts. It has I go home. I got Keith. That must have been cracking up. And they were China Excel. PS Jeanie Buss from the Lakers. Only Eddie Jones cards and like it was all blur look. We looked forget tested. We were nuts. I four fifty four year old a basketball court and it was bone though it was the best. That's that's great advice and I give you one is what was the blackout job is So I watch a lot of porn better not be mine. Okay but like when you have aspects you have a great imagination and when a guy like masturbate. So he uses his magic nation against those things those ladies eighties our guys or whatever you're into and I haven't met when my aspirin immagination but I never watch blog porn because I can't imagine I have a huge Black Hawk right right. I don't like at all like I like that stuff. Like a guy like his wife get fucked people does it. Those are the black bull. Yeah but the Bulls Joe is. I can't watch a black guy. Geneva Black Yeah that's the joke is how Out Maybe so hot said you know it's a funny joke. Just keep doing it because you know. I don't think it's finished all sentencing at the end personally and I agree with him completely. Yeah Yeah just as arguments that I go. Because he worked with them. And we'll wrap this up in a SEC. We'll get to my advice. We'll close as close with one question for you. Keep that question of Mike. I'm Jeff Worked with Russell Brand George Lopez me Queen Latifah CEO. Anyone he won and Emmys. Dennis Miller no more and I said what is were all so different those comedians. I just said I said what's the one thing that strings US altogether. Gather like if you took Dennis Miller Bill Maher Jay Mohr Queen Latifah Bill Bellamy discovered that guy. This person he just opened up like paper dolls was the one thing that we're all connected and he said your compass I said wow. He goes a comedians compass as true as a fucking pumps and when that thing hits do North North and he says it's funny it's funny closed the cockpit door keeping network away from it might not get a laugh but it's funny and he was right. You might lose your job Bob. But he was right immigrate articles enrolling stolen. Like could you believe they tried that joke. He was still writing and two nights later. I was doing set list where you don't know what you're gonNA say on stage. They put something on the wall. And you have to act like it's your set and you have to make Jimmy right and the audience. Wasn't there see set list. They just thought we're all on asset. No one was laughing laughing and it was two nights after he said that I was just going by the compass and real time I went off. Wow it was talking about freedom What's the best advice? INDIA WANTS TO QUESTION I. I know I'll do the your advice. Verse Lack Joke. You know. Maybe he likes Shusha Kid. You know you know what black get into those advice. The advice you ever gave me was he said you're a comedian and you shouldn't live in fear when you're onstage. I said Yeah. And you said that on my podcast Idea confused with David Spade now again now and so. It's nice because like whenever I go on on stage the fear just doesn't get to me because of that advice. What's good and that's for life to like? I say that to the rest of us to let before a match so you just said he said it to the wrestlers. You don't remember seeing it to me. I only remember an wrestlers because that's every single day and I'm like it's Amenity. You're you're getting their DNA for the rest of their life. I hope you're in my DNA for the rest. Of course I'm your uncle J.. Biological father with the wrestlers. Like you see a guy across the mad. He's all muscle any like he's a senior and I'm a sophomore this and their own heads and you could lose. Walk out there and I go. What do we do every day? Yeah Russell so just do that. There's no fear I just go fucking wrestling. I don't care if you win or lose your show me evert. Don't let fear everybody. What's the question sweetie? While the question is is because when I was growing up Jennifer Love Hewitt was my dream girl and this is going to be is question but she pretty cool yes. She's she's really sweet. Oh No never did any whether arena fooled around. That's going to be the next question now. It'd be every we got along really well really job on ghost whisperer because one episode. aww Nine days of filming a long fucking slog and that's you know six. Am to eight PM. And I'd only work two days. I'd come in on day seven seven. I was like the coffee. Can you can't get in San Jose callback she was. She's a real. Oh Cutie Pie. She's beautiful Yeah she's exactly as she's advertise. She's she's nothing great. That's great to hear because you hate to hear when you hear like people you love growing up not be. You know from word that they're not that cool weirder when people say I watched you growing up under the the same age as you. That happens to me a lot lately. I really love that movie when I was growing up I washed. I'm like how old you to like forty eight. I'm like well. What am I fucking Benjamin Button like? How aw listen Saturday at the Improv? That's twenty first eight o'clock you on the show. I would love to billy to be me Keith. Razor and billy does this to the tinder assassin. Jesus Christ hits for power and average. Is Hank Aaron of tender. That's eight o'clock. Show Melrose Improv. There's no no better Christmas present than this bringing somebody to see Miki than billy do. Stand Up Comedy Peoria Illinois January Twenty Third Twenty Fourth North and twenty fifth. Nice Jewish. Oh I don't know yeah that'll has to do with travel open invitation Jukebox Comedy Club in Peoria Illinois Annoy January twenty three twenty four. Twenty five I'll just leave. The plugs at that and next more stories will be a solo most slightly life coaching quickey. And I appreciate your guys patients. I just didn't here's the reason to like. I had a spell on the road like Raleigh Eh. Pittsburgh was a bunch of Bridgeport Connecticut or there was like no audience like it was bad. Like if we're just talking we'll talk some weekends. You have thirty. Gran Dan Twenty twenty two like an average these places. I'm getting like four. I was like what the fuck is going on. There's no commercials on the PODCAST. Had started the podcast was get more people into the rooms and they kinda stopped showing up on like what the feds takes a Lotta time energy of being kind of petty but also the fire without a little bit 'cause beaten down by low attendance so come see the shows you creeps. gave him more fire. You give me firemen you finally up. I WANNA see those paper airports. Let's let's go make some right now. I want to see you. May I want to know. Where's the place to have your dog? P It's Great Keith. If fascinate me and we're not done with this conversation. Let's let's podcast again. Okay I love EJ. I love you rather this more stories. Get Your Gazelle Zell name on it I and I..
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"Collins Buzi brand new about Derek smalls response. was he a freak. Oh Nice so which one is more he entering England with freak out because you technically. I'm edge of Duff to say that but you know that's the goal Mexico. You WanNa be technically perfect but I do. Do you hit goal every time you go out on stage now. Okay Oh time wise. Yes well yeah one hour if the light goes on you you don't need to watch. It's inside you. It's just thirty thirty. Two years of this show stinks. It's them of course yeah. I got it down to a science quote again playing Bass Guitar but so you know what time it is at all times not at all times there's markers I'm aware how long have we been talking right now. We've been about sixteen minutes seven. I think that's a loan I don't think so. How long have we got here in long yeah all right. I don't waste your time so he added. Okay thank you when you are in a band like spinal tap. Yes and talk or for that matter spinal tap yes or for that when you were telling your mom left to join jazz was a jazz band. Well we see a swing oganization over the heart and Totti's so the band and become a defacto family raised by a single that I wish race but he was great. He was great. Yeah Duff the smallest deficit so in the dynamic spinal tap who in the ban was your mother who WanNa know if I had a mother and spinal tap. I have brothers evens it was it was in work life. No mother probes yeah yeah. I mean sometimes times. I feel like a motherless child. You are literally no feeling I mean not literally because no right. Yes she bounced. She left yeah she left. We didn't hear from ever again even when my dad died so he had a mother figure in your life ever as a woman in your life that has been women in my life yeah. I I hope so yeah rock God yeah capital on that one but there have been a mother figure for their smalls at some point in the journey. I think I was on mom really yeah. I think you have nothing to go by. There's those Diorama future studies that that you're more impressive than you even let on well. I knew what what I needed and that was mothering mother so I did that to me. Step one of Derek smalls mothering Derek smalls. What was the first thing you have to go to you. What was the was the first stop sympathy. Let yourself off the hook yeah. Just it's okay. It's okay it's okay. It's okay see yeah I mean my dad did a bunch into that too but he was busy with his work and then when he was around it was left to me. Job Sanitizing phoned really in Britain. It was big doc. We're very germophobic sort of just this feature the old style telephone handset you know what's up against all the time yup bloody mouth night and yeah well forget your hands your mouth. It's just a jump in there but there are. I'm the only one using my phone maybe maybe in England as well. I mean rob. People come over. Can I use your phone. Well no no. I don't won't jump. You don't do that so this was to deal with that problem. See that hand sanitized phones. He'd come in sprays work. Yeah it handwork look like you but she's me. You do have worked as well. Oh I see I didn't makes is yeah. I mean that's that's you and you're not a hand job. Though knows that handwork it's handwork but it's not a hand trump. Both both your you and your father made a career using your hands properly. Yes that's correct for others and I often often. I think that if he'd been alive today with these I mean these things these cell phones we've got these are the dirtiest little these are germ. Germany's this thinks in on the planet earth and he could have figured out. I phoned sanitizing APP and made billions Oregon John Mad- why because the amount of germs any amount of the transfer the APP would take care of it. You see he's GonNa get through other germs though to get to the Oh yes people trying to of nine. He was a fighter. He was a fighter through the got to the but he was just hired people in China through the election style thank you how's your father died in a an infarction what an infarction and infarction infarction is hot thing infection nations function in Fox and if a C. D. literally function talks. Don't I have one. I don't plan on it. Well going up. Those stairs like you will turn theater. According I will be there the more the listeners of the podcast because my last name is more they'd become known as more years. It's a nice way to sell t shirts yeah dirk smalls. Does your fan base had like a flaky collision. No I nobody stone yet. You know the smaller Stettin I wouldn't rush it. I wouldn't you know let let it fell but he's sixty organic holy. Thank you might you'd better time than you are is seventy five except well then you get on yeah yeah make. America great again is taken right from why limit yourself to just America will because I'm British yeah okay. That's yeah okay. That's fair thank you. I try to be fair at all times. I think you're very fair. Thank you is that sort of a job of basis to be that because the base is such an even Keel Instrument. Yes the backbone and the whole yeah yeah yeah. You're the you're the grounding you're the every electical think think about it. This way. Take every electrical circuit has to be what grounded grounded that little that little pin right. I'm that little pin so the rhythm section of the band. The spine is the base in the Jones. Yeah the drummer is more He's more showy. We also well sometimes. Sometimes a bass player does that I'm listening to motown. It's all the Bass and the drummer just does these fills every repaid bombarded bomb and then he goes away but the James Jameson kind of thing that's going on in motown. He's keeping a time then he or yeah I think basis and comics were just sort of timekeepers. We've been we manipulate time. We've ended up yeah. I was GONNA ask us with eighty circling back the spinal tap. It's a big part of enormous party for yours when you keep losing drummers by death or by accident mishap yeah yeah how a hard is it for. Derek smalls to be that backbone when the other part of the backbone keeps disappearing well that that puts the the anus on me to be the chief timekeeper a new drummer will come in would come in and I'd say rule. This is how we're doing this and show him and then he'd own but it was down to me really with all of with that. I mean the curse. Did it affect you the most. What did you say out of all the band members I had to deal with. I mean they wouldn't really talk to the new dramas along because because they thought it was a waste of time why bother making contact where voting they knew it was going to go well yeah sure 'cause so they figured well let us snow when you've sort of broken him in right and they can still alive and if he's still alive with in. I don't know if there's any other band that's had had to cycle through that. Many different pieces like the black crowes go through lead guitars. They thought that their sixth yeah so mark. Ford Audley freed Luther Dickinson Liu your regular pedia the stones replaced Mick Taylor Find Jones. Has you know but Ron Woods. Woody's Today's the guy. You're a Ruckus pedia. Hey I'm a fan yeah. Do you know of any other bandits have to replace members as much spinal. TAP is replaced TRAUMAS. I don't it's occurs. Why have a drama Rocco Ruggero. You gotTa have the drama. It's in the book says what Book in the Book Rock and Roll Book Bobby Taumoepeau now no little rock and roll you have to have I mean there's bands without basis. The doors that basis the the doors never had a organised. If you ask me by agree with you I just fell in love from so sick. sicker Raymond's Eric's were at Howick start. Everything rock and roll wasn't all about big Jim. If animals could talk Derek smalls which when you think would be the rudest the rudest in in terms of where they speak most rude most offensively rude WanNa be a wallaby yeah. That's fantastic won't be because people think he's so cute so warm and fuzzy and you just go fuck you fuck. You made the fuck you up. I love it yeah and you'd be your water. Be Talking when you're doing these shows. I saw you with a symphony but there was also a second symphony. Yes Oh you whereas at show I watched it. Oh you've seen it yeah yeah. I don't know if I could bring up the Internet as much been avoiding it because the Internet addiction aww going through two bouts of treatment for that so forgive me but it seems very broad like Internet addiction seems very. It's like having a an eradiction or no. No no the in mostly broad if you go online every day for everything well I couldn't. That's what I was. I was was doing too much. It's like if you got all your air from one little box and use your box all day. Somebody said you could you just by walking out. I'm I'm doing fine right here with his box though yeah but it's an addiction was it you. WanNa get out and do something other than sitting in inhale you box all day back when my understand what you're saying it depends on how happy that made me so. There's a risk reward to any addiction so you're addicted to the. Internet is anything specific on unit within hours. Just just had no no no no no just logging on just had to be with the screen and my then go friend said this buddy addiction and looked me in two days and I said well look at you but that's it's not a story you're hilarious so wasn't like a specific group of sites websites. We would just immediately think pornography now. Internet addiction yeah of course you don't strike me as a porn guy 'cause chicks. You got your danced deaths right. That's the Huntington's. I get hung punky. She didn't talk against copyright changed. I'm opening competing place across collant idea kittens. Bk Hunker towns clever. You'll never catch gotcha ninety seven cents or ninety nine. It's just a shovel. Do you know in in Britain. There's a chain called. Tk Maxx yes. It's true really.
"mohr" Discussed on Mohr Stories With Jay Mohr
"Ning get that hair going get yourself some great lettuce that is great that does not stink at all for him dot com slash more put your name on what's your name put your name on it i'm not to hear about it pot his roads little time bogota at all times type of memory turn your bones to bones glad hey doing friends it's jj more stores podcast comedy science edition wednesday wednesdays hump day right i'm day right so that means that middle your weak and maybe your job stinks so maybe let's go down memory lane go through some great old standup comedy bits i'll break it down for you like a jeweler with a loop it'd be a hip hop lyric i'm looking at you like a jeweler through a loop we got richard pryor way meaning me why no dealing with dracula and that is where the every man drop from the beginning of more stories podcast and we played it incessantly on the jay mohr sports radio show that's where that comes from and i'm excited about this one i i'm putting this out late forgive me i was waiting to see you for patrie on page was up and running patriae basically you be able to donate to this podcast because the amazon thing is not going to be happening anymore we were found in it's not going to happen anymore kudos to them that's i use amazon all the time but patriot is going to be a very direct way for you to just kick in some money and there's going to be a lot of benefits like if you kick in a certain amount it won't be crazy money don't worry it'll be like this episode is brought to you by my sister's ass but insert your name there.