29 Burst results for "Milana"
The Dinesh D'Souza Podcast
Dinesh Reveals the Effects of Musk Derangement Syndrome
"Let's turn to mister Elon Musk because he is causing the left to have a freak out. And it's a little bit interesting to think about why. Is it because, well, one thought it occurred to me yesterday and that is that Elon Musk has been really focused. He's freeing speech on the one side, but he goes, I'm really going to crack down on Twitter on pedophiles on pedophiles. And this too has freaked out the left. It's kind of interesting to see. I mean, is it because there's a substantial fraction of pedophiles in the cultural left as Elon Musk kind of nuking a wing of the left that doesn't, you know, they can't openly say, well, we're pedophiles. So what they do is they pretend I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be leaving Twitter on principle. It could be a secret reason for the leftist freak out. Here's Alyssa Milano, who, by the way, used to be a huge Elon Musk fan. I have found it fascinating. You're a couple of Milano tweets. I'm in awe of Elon Musk. And then she goes on to thanks Elon Musk and Tesla. Elon Musk you're amazing. She says that she could have dinner with four people. She picked Jesus Roberto Clemente John Lennon and Elon Musk. And then more recently, here's Alyssa Milano. I gave back my Tesla. I bought the Volkswagen. I love it. Now, what's so weird about this is first of all, she's turned on Musk. Why? Because evidently he's for free speech. That alone is enough to set her off. Number two, she buys, let's call it the Nazi car. Why? Because Vogue, if you want to talk about history, Volkswagen was started under the Nazi regime, it's in fact the word volk is a very fascist term volk means, of course, people and the Nazis who were socialists talked about the people's car, Volkswagen, the wagon of the people. So here's a list of Milana while she doesn't really know about her, but nevertheless, part of she has MDS Musk the arrangements syndrome.
Bloomberg Radio New York
"milana" Discussed on Bloomberg Radio New York
"Pet fox Thanks Brian Results from the pitch in the EPL leads with a close one over Newark city two on the final Rodrigo breaking the tie at the 60 minute mark West Ham had no problem with Ashton villa cruising to victory by a score of four one Bowen formals rice and Johnson accounting for the goals in the serie AC Milana winner over Roma Napoli and empire both post tight victories and from La Liga Madrid takes care of batiste by a score of three nil It's their first win in their last four The win also snaps a string of back to back draws onto the NFL where the jets post a nice upset win over the Cincinnati Bengals by a score of 34 31 for their second win of the season Mike white in his first started quarterback for the jets those 37 of 45 for 405 yards with three touchdowns Joe burrow throwing for two 59 and three touchdowns of his own but that came with one interception And in Chicago the niners get their third win of the season comfortably over the bears 33 22 the final there Garoppolo throwing for three 22 in the air no touchdowns but he did run for two and Elijah Mitchell running for one 37 and one touchdown of his own in the win I'm Pete Fox not trouble Bloomberg world sports update Markets headlines and breaking news 24 hours a day at Bloomberg dot com the Bloomberg business app and at Bloomberg quicktake Business lash Well generally speaking agents talks poised to get a lift that this Monday morning a few positives for F market participants to digest here including what's going on in Japan where the prime minister threw me a kushida's Liberal Democrat party preserved its outright majority and it did avoid what some sorts worst case scenarios being suggested by opinion polls We've got also the tailwinds coming from the S&P 500 and NASDAQ indices They rather direct records on Friday Just also taking a look at of course some of those negatives we've got American Airlines canceling some 1000 flights blaming bad weather in the day at its Dallas club earlier this week For that also negatives out there coming from the Chinese economy certainly We've got data out showing that it was showing signs of further weakness in October To blame that power shortages and indeed surging commodities prices all taking their toll on many fighting and all of that coming from the official manufacturing purchases managers index which fell to 49.2 second month bear of negativity We're going to be looking also very keenly at what comes out of the unofficial numbers which are from taishan that measure out a bit later this morning Looking at what we got to get Australia coming on board very short in terms of the start of their trading week But futures they're suggesting we'll be seeing a Green Arrow story at the start and similarly stock futures advancing for about 1% for Japan are not that clarity on the election there as well Hank Sangha expected to not take this Chinese economy news particularly well as a result we're seeing contracts for Hong Kong just Shang signs of slippage Okay well let's.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Religiously tell my friends far too often. How much has helped. But if someone could please start a go fund me to get paul over to australia. That would be fantastic. I'd absolutely love to see a live interview or even be interviewed if you had time of that. Keep doing what you're doing because you're making such a difference in people's lives thank you. Thank you for those those nice words and for is beautiful beautiful survey that you filled out and you do sound like you'd be an awesome task and i getting to australia is definitely on my bucket list definitely so yeah you want to get that gofundme anything. I will definitely the upper going to australia. And finally this is From the love survey filled out by no one understands marmite is a part of national pride. And they right. I love being part of the weird pentagon that makes up the network of mine and my neighbor's back gardens a consent on the end of my bed. Gays out the window listening to this podcast and see my elderly neighbor and her brightly colored clothes pottering around watering her begonias. In the cluster of students sitting by disposable barbecues in front of broken sheds in red brick walls covered with icty. i'm i level with the treetops. So i can see all the song. Birds going about their business preening and flirting with other birds. I love the tumbled down semi-abandoned building over the back people burning building. Materials in a trash can fire directly opposite. I love wood. Pigeons i love. How overly large and fat and cumbersome they look and how they're often in pairs knowing that they couple up for life. I love how they are berry eaters. Who insist on perching on spindly branches. They can't support their while. They eat and they have to flap their wings frantically to stay balanced most of all. I love the sound. They make when they're takeoff lying. It's this strange. Were being hoot. That makes them sound like they've been greatly offended by something and now they're taking their leave of you. I love that even though my backyard had all the grass removed pebbles put in its place which is ugly. Nature always figures out a way to force. Its way through the cracks and now my yard is awash with verdant green leaves and blue flowers that are too strong and resilient to be vanquished. I love that. I can read a really good book and still know that i could write something just as good as that to fight. Put in the time effort and patients. I love that. Even someone as beset with insecurity is me about literally everything can still feel confident in my talents and optimistic about my ability to see that talent through to wherever it might take me. I have to say man. You definitely have a gift. These are so the observations and in the way that you express these is really beautiful. I love that. I can go out into the street in my pajama bottoms. Unwashed and is my worst self to pick to pick up comfort food. Wherever i want and notice that every fucker around me as just as unwashed on groomed and badly dressed because we're all basically dirt poor around here with no fucks given. I loved it every day. I think about the eight months. I've spent living in vietnam. I think how crazy it is that i did that. All odds how strange it was to be in that place different everything was and how it was terrible and fantastic and overwhelming and freeing all at once i loved it i will have my memories hopefully for many decades i love that the time has passing and all those moments get further away little things. Bring back strong memories of that mad and maddening. Time of my life. I loved that memories never truly die. They just get filed aware filed away somewhere out of sight and come out again. When least expected i love marmite. It's a salty sticky black tar like substance which goes on toast and so inexplicable to anybody who has not british not even australians understand it and they have their own version which is not so black. Stickier tar like and that is unacceptable. I loved the surveys. I started listening to the podcast. That was all like i don't need this. Give me the dark stuff. But i've grown to love hearing about all the wonderfully weirdly relatable strangely specific stuff. That people love. It reminds me of all the creativity and individuality of the world and a culture where people are so guarded for fear. Being thought weird when i identify with something it helps me notice those same things in my own life. That makes my world brighter fuller and richer. I love being reminded of. Just how many things i do love because sometimes i forget that might be my favorite group a loves ever. God those awesome. Thank you for that. Thank you guys for For listening hanging in for the last hundred and ten minutes and thanks to paulina. I'm running out of shit to say. So let's wrap this fucker up Let's get you back to your worrying about the future if you're out there you're struggling. You're not alone not alone at. Thanks for listening. Everybody i know is bizarrely. Beautiful arlene beautifully fucked up in some weird ways arly beautiful..
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Can't imagine with must have been like this is from the shaimaa. Secret survey filled out by women calls herself washing. Down the anti depressant with a tall glass of red she identifies straight. She's in her. Twenties says she was raised in a pretty dysfunctional environment was the victim of sexual abuse and reported it. When i was six years old my mother's husband started molesting me. He controlled everything. We would do what we ate and how we ate it. How we spend our money in our time he would get aggressively emotionally abusive. If we ever strayed from the plans he had specifically made for us. This behavior carried on until i was twelve years old and in late primary school realizing that the things he would do to me weren't happening to other children around me and that i didn't want it to continue. I had a deep sense of shame. And even thinking about the things he would do and say to me and felt the talking to anyone about it would literally 'cause the world to explode one day in class. My teacher decided to base the lesson around self reflection and asked each of us right down a situation where we felt happy and a situation which made a sad or upset. I had no happy to write about simply saw chance to tell someone about this awful feeling that i had that something was not right. Took all of my willpower to sharp pencil and put down two words. Just exactly what had happened to me i wrote. I didn't like when my stepdad touched me. And i didn't erase i had written. I handed it to my teacher. Who kept me after class to ask my permission calling the authorities the events that follow or blurry and i can't remember exact details but my mother was asked to remove me from the house and to never have him contact me again. I was taken to many counseling sessions provided by the court system in which i was asked to describe specific things that he would do to me and how long this behavior had been going on and when i would not reply because i couldn't remember these events due to my six year old brain protecting itself. The counselor would ask. Are you sure this happened sweetie. He was successfully sentenced to one year in prison due to the large amount of child pornography found on his computer. Let out early on good behavior. My mother divorced him and we were forced to move countries and start a new life where he couldn't find us. My mother was concerned about my behavior. After all this happened. Because i seem to have no emotional response whatsoever and the only mood i was ever in was okay. During my first year of university. I was seventeen years old and my first relationship with a boy a year older than me and doing drugs for the first time. I didn't like alcohol as i would. Regularly have panic attacks. Whenever i felt out of control and didn't really like the feeling of smoking weed is it made me paranoid and anxious however i continue to do these things because i felt it was the thing i should be doing seventeen or eighteen and i should have fun. It took two years for my metal state. Lately spiral out of control and after countless anxiety attacks that would be so physically overwhelming. I would throw up. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety. Depression and ptsd. I'm twenty two years old now and have been taking antidepressants. Depressants for three years have recently begun to remove the dense cloud that seemed to distance me from childhood and i often recalled memories that i previously had never experienced in these moments. I struggled to stay present and often completely dissociate. Our out of the moment takes me a few days to process these memories but in listening to your podcast and recently signing up for better help. I finally feel safe in the knowledge that i am not alone and help is just a click away. Thank you paul. You are an incredible person. And i wholeheartedly appreciate all that you do. Any positive experiences with the abusers. He would often buy me nice things expensive instruments and close that. I didn't really like but he liked on me. He would talk to me about what i did at school. If kids were ever mean to me he would be the one to comfort me. This is called grooming apparently darkest thoughts. I often think about the fact that what he would do to me. Felt good and i knew deep down it was wrong and awful and i didn't want it to happen again but the most fucked up thing is that it felt good. That is that is the thing that fox with us. The most that those of us that are are survivors is the arousal. Our brain our soul in our body can experience two completely. Different things at the same time darkest secrets when i was about ten years old. I would stay with my father every second weekend. He met a woman who had three kids and one of them was a sixteen year old boy. Who would often try to molest me. I never told anyone about it. And i worry that i wasn't the only one he would do it to sexual fantasies most powerful to you. The only porn that ever seems to get excited is based around degradation and rape scenes since listening to you talk about the consequences of trauma and abuse and how normal these feelings are to be experiencing. I've been able to accept these feelings. As being a result of my experience and let go a lot of a lot of the shame. I had previously felt towards this topic. High fucking five What if anything would you like to say to someone you haven't been able to. None of this is your fault. You will get through this and be stronger because of it. I would say that to both my mother and a twelve year old me. What if anything do you wish for. Due to the way. I was raised in having never felt that my feelings were valid or important. I struggled with having the confidence telling people exactly how i feel. I wish for the confidence to do. And say how. I feel. And not how i should boys add profound profound statement and so true so true. Have you shared these things with others. This morning i told my boyfriend of nine months he kissed my eyes is the tears fell out of them told me that he is so proud that i had the confidence to do something about it. That he will always respect and take care of me and that he will be here for me no matter what. I'm so overwhelmed with this response and the weight that lifted after talking about it that the minute he left i had to open my computer and fill out this survey. How do you feel after writing things down. Every time i talk about the things that have happened to me the tiniest bit of sunlight escapes through the dark cloud placed over my childhood and the dense weight on my shoulders dissipate slightly. Anything you'd like to share with someone who shares your thoughts or experiences. Take your arms around your front and hug yourself. Somehow if i do this. Hold it long enough. This hug seems to get right down to little six year. Old man and i feel like no matter what will happen next. I've got my own back and suggestions to make the podcast better. I listened.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"This is from the back in time survey filled out by mariana. She writes that would go back to. When i was eight when i first began hated myself and my shyness. We're tell myself that. Although i don't see it yet being shy a gift in and of itself that i shouldn't fight it certainly should not hate myself for it. I would try to explain that my shyness is a manifestation of trying to protect myself and that's nothing to be ashamed of our tried to explain them. My early childhood experiences made me feel unsafe. And that was out of my control. But then i should trust myself and listen to my body. I would also tell myself not to fear animals it fearing them as a waste of time. The animals can be loving and affectionate and are rarely as dangerous as i perceive them to be. Thank you for that. This is a happy moment. Filled out by slowly routing banana and she writes i keep in touch with a former professor of mine who has profoundly impacted my life one day. I felt compelled to reach out to her and we agreed to meet up later that night to go on a walk together. Her background is in philosophy and psychology. And i work in a helping profession. So our topics of conversation are almost always thought provoking and then parentheses god. That felt pretentious to right but it feels true to me but this time our discussion was less about abstract ideas about goodwill and more about the utter exhaustion. This kind of work leads to we talked about how fucked up. The world is in how tiresome it is. Try to make better. We talked about how we feel tempted to say. Fuck it and just walk away from it. All i felt so seen it was as if she was experiencing the exact same emotions is i was to share the same nuance feelings with someone. Felt like floating on a fucking cloud. Didn't matter that we were despairing. It mattered that we understood. Each other was like standing before soon. Nami knowing was swallow. You whole put. You're standing next to someone you love deeply who loves you back. Who gets you when who sees you and having that connection makes it all worth it even in the end. That is so beautiful. That is so beautiful. And that to me describes the power of support networks whether it's a support gruber group therapy or even just a trusted friend that we can be vulnerable and honest with from the back in time survey filled out by guy who calls himself remarks and he writes. I go back to when i was fourteen. My bipolar mother and i were literally homeless. The family member we are living with died and his house was claimed by the city for back property taxes. I lost many of my belongings. Because we didn't get all our stuff moved out of the house before they put padlocks on the doors. I would say to fourteen year old me that this is not normal. It's okay to feel like your life is a mess so k. to feel something anything. Don't you shut it all down and ignore it. One day things will get better. But you're gonna have to deal with this shit before you can move on. You don't have to be the strong one all the time. You're still a kid. Thank.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"So you know the things that i thank god have learned is that i don't have to be perfect. I don't have to know it. All i you know i can be at times. Play the virgin. Play the whore like it you can. It's a whole spectrum. And i if we could make that okay and embrace that and wow how much farther would we be an and how how awesome would it feel not to feel like you're doing something wrong or a year a mistake. The freedom of letting go of perfectionism is mind blowing you. We never imagined that it's related to our resentment of people places and things but when we put the pressure on ourselves to do things perfectly how are we not going to get pissed off because everybody and everything seems to be in our way rather than just as it is. Yep absolutely a hundred percent. I i am super grateful because of all the magical things that have come in my life. One of them. Now's tiny about my husband. And i didn't get married until i was forty five in great part because i thought to myself i did it twice. I couldn't bear a kid of mine. Came out and had schizophrenia right. I i don't. I don't think i can do it again so i was like no no marriage no nothing. The fact that i all i wanted was the ride on the back of a harley. That was on my bucket list. The fact denied the joke. Is i got the harley in the hog. I get this guy but what's fascinating to me. Is you know my whole life. I was judged across the board judged by others judged by myself. I ended up with a guy who is so non-judgmental and it was like the next level of what i needed to learn like that somebody could love me in not judgment without any do anything. Yes yeah all right. I hope he doesn't listen to this and then he's like wait. What am i doing exactly but but really you know. I don't know just i. I hate the word when people are like. I'm so blessed. Because i'm like what so sounds less than anybody else but honestly there are times when i just think to myself. Okay you know. Whatever is out there like i you know. Thank you for thank you. I try to be like thank you for whatever right because look at the that check that came right because of the salmonella poisoning. Are you kidding me. Like if like when when i was in the hospital i'm thinking of you know cursing god and no but look what happens like we just don't know right and how much easier it is if you just love what is kind of thing you know the byron katie kind of line. So that's kind of where i'm at. Well i really really enjoyed our conversation. And i'm so glad that our our paths crossed and Your book most recent book is called committed. Do you have a website where people can go find out more about you. I do It is madness to magic dot com. And they can find everything there and we'll put the links to all that stuff awesome. Show notes thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you thank you for having me really really love talking to her. It's also nice.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Seconds. Blair i just like everything just told you i was like and then and i remember i was looking down while i was saying it all and when i looked up the look on her face was like holy shit and that woman convinced me to see her four free twice a week for months. Because i was you know. Obviously i had the excuses right. I don't have the money. And and she was like coming and it was just step by step and slowly. I i saw a way out. I saw that. It didn't have to be the way that i had thought right. But wow do i credit her for for everything and i think today and not that this is all been lollipops and you know what i mean like my whole life but when i think today of everything that has just been wow that i honestly i would have given up on i would have you know just like oh i i. I wish there was a way to really communicate that to other people but you cannot see. You can't see the future especially when you're in them money hole right you can't. You can't even a friend once just annoying when people are telling you you're going to get through it etcetera etcetera like. Oh fuck up right. Exactly the sun will come out tomorrow right. And you're like fuck the son. Like i i. I totally get that and yet you know it's i. I am a akasa coin. Appointed special advocate for kids in the foster care. And i have the seventeen year old right now and honestly. They gave her to me at thirteen because she was me. Or i should say. I was her ride so very similar kind of shit and it just kinda underscores that the importance of having someone there. Who's there for you who's not getting paid. I'm a volunteer. But by the same token you can try to tell someone whatever and it's not until they're ready right to they can't and and that's that's a shame and makes me sad on several levels but by the same token you know i did everything from my little sister especially you know. I helped raise her. I when she became schizophrenic. I mean i was her her bank her therapist her like everything. It didn't matter it didn't matter because you cannot rescue another person you just can't and it's really tough to see people go through things so hard watching people stand at the water trough dying of thirst. It's so hard and you know you've been there right and you're like let me help you can. So you know so. I right in the the other thing that i think really important and the lynn. The therapist that you went to see is hate this term. It's fucking new. Ag but holding space for somebody just listening and validating their their pain which can get complicated when somebody's draining you yes. It's all so fucking complicated. Yes yes yeah. Yeah yeah totally i. Will you know there were times when i would say to lynn. I just fucking what you to tell me what to do. Because i couldn't. I couldn't think anymore like i just couldn't think my way out what i know to be true is. There came a point now. I saw her for over a decade and there came a point. When i'm sitting there with lynn and i'm going through a whole bunch of things as usual. And she said the second thing that just wo knocked me out. She said paulina. When are you going to stop wishing for a better past. Because it's never going to happen and i was like holy fuck like and and i say that because holding space for people is beautiful and and you need it and yet there are times when it helps to actually say. Hey you know what i mean. Wake up this right right. I mean it's it's really tough because it's it's a balance and you never know what's the right mix rate. It's sort of like the the psychiatric drugs right. What's the right cocktail for this person. So much is just trial and error and patience yet. Yes self compassion. You can never go wrong with self compassion patience swagger no matter what it is healing from trauma trying to find a way to manage mental illness. Yeah it's it's so hard. I'm just overwhelmed. By what a beautiful soul. You are really truly say that again. No i am truly overwhelmed. By what a beautiful so you are. Wow thank you. There are a lot of times. I don't feel it there. I still have my own demons. you know all growing up. I had my own voices and i struggled on. Was it normal. Was this that was you know what is it. I still have those voices in my head. And i have to remind myself that i'm the boss of them. They're not the boss of me are a voices that sound like they are physical voices or is it just thoughts. Now it's your of like lane invoice exactly okay. Who'd of how you think you are difference between that in physical choices. Yes a very big difference. But i i fully admit i am. I'm judgy judgy i am. I am the you know. I'm going to fix this. I'm gonna you know what i mean. Put that round peg in the square hole. I i have my own still demons and things that i am working on so so it. It is hard when someone says to you. You know you're such a beautiful soul and you're like shit if you really me. You wouldn't think well. I didn't say paolina you're perfect. You're superhuman see now. I'm going home and cry about that. That'll do the thing i say to my husband. He said i wasn't verdict out of everything. Yeah yeah we'll the who is perfect nobody in you so fucking annoying to be around as true very true. You know it's to me it's interesting. How how life really does kind of serve up what you need if you can sit and be okay right with whatever comes. I the things that. I learned so far in my little journey. Is you know. I i grew up with it was either black or white. It was all or nothing. You are a virgin or whore right. You are predator or your pray and actually that first book the s. word man. I started that book and it was going to be the tell all right. Tell the priest drama talk about the cop and all this stuff all the people who did me wrong took me ten years to write that book and in the ten years that it took me to do it. Suddenly i was like not even slowly ten years. I was like wait a minute. Wait a minute everybody has a a dark and a light side and even me right. And everybody's bringing something to the table that they themselves have not healed right and not excuse anybody but honestly that book became a book of like redemption and forgiveness mostly for me But then for other people and then the new book committed I am super surprised at the number of people who have sent me letters. Emails that they to experiencing the same kinds of things and have never told anybody or never thought you know the big one. Was you know wanting your mother dead or right and you know people cannot. It's very taboo. And it is very not understandable that you can love somebody and want them dead at the same time..
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"She is borderline You know in those days they were called borderline retarded she was just normal enough quote unquote to be in classes with other kids but couldn't keep up on anything so they just kept passing her on. She never learned anything and then she was bullied mercilessly. Kids poking her with pencils just horrified things for this kid. But nobody's watching. Nobody's paying attention right. She's on her own too. So so i have my mom master now. I realize i gotta least stick around. You know i'll give it another year. I'll you know what i mean. I'll do what i gotta do. So it's two. I'm twenty six. my father died. I was twenty four twenty five. And for the first time i decide i am going to go on a vacation with a friend and we go on a cruise and that cruise been on a cruise. It's basically booze and just messing around. And and the up all night. And i was like prude poisoning. Fuqua really you're looking to get another check right crews i- cruising for me. Then i mean seeing all those places and not having like you know they take you where you gotta go right. There was no thought. I had no decisions to be made. And it's like the perfect vacation for that time -solutely right i. The doctors closed right. I just i just didn't wanna take care of anything so And god bless the friend. That i went with because i was i was actually a big shit. You know what i mean. Because now i wanted to do what i wanted to do. And i don't care about you. And so i just i probably wasn't the greatest companion But when we get home. I i just thought to myself. So that's what being an adult and being out in an i'm okay. I can handle anything. And i can't. I was looking forward to seeing my mom and my sister. I had presence for them. I i had stories. Right i i. I was on such a high. And i remember coming into the driveway and seeing my mother in the doorway and actually i in the window then she came down in the doorway and that look in her eyes. Was that same. Look like when my uncle joe had died like that that massive fear the the like the she had such black is like i just thought to myself what the hell and when i met with her at the door. She said powell shamal mid z. Y. which means we're in the middle of trouble. And i was like what do you mean trouble. And she was like goody. The took the mccain's screaming all night. And i'm like who the focus and arstan and then at the top of the stairs appears my little sister and she's like poly. You're not gonna believe what happened. And i'm like what and she's like. I'm getting married Like mary tyler about and she's like what do you mean. You don't think i can get married. And i and and i was like my brain wouldn't process fast enough. What was happening and there was there. Pardon me that it was like this can't fuck and be happening again like this. Something's wrong so she's screaming at the top and my mom's just like no vinny you know that's not true. And she would scream at my mom and i mean a scream of the banshee kind of like just and then she kind of disappeared. And i'm like what happened and so she starts to explain to me. How all night long. She's been up the very same stuff that my mother did she was doing now. Annoy fifty hitter thinking exactly right thinking everyone was trying to stop her from From being herself the She she just it. I did think to myself and this is horrible. But i did think to myself for two briefest moment. Now you know what it was like for us. You know what i mean. I mean really right and say now they can kill each other. But at the same time i felt kinda bad for my mom because was like wow now not only do you see it in your daughter that obviously you passed it on but now you have full realization of what you put us through like. How horrible even for her right. And that was later. When i came to that but some little sister is upstairs and i hear screaming on. She screaming to someone. And she's saying no you put him on he's my fiance and just and so i go and take the other phone the extension way before cell phones and i hear an elderly sounding guy and he says i am calling the police. If you don't stop harassing my son blah all the stuff and she's saying i'm just crazy and i chime in and i'm like sir. I'm sorry i think there's something wrong. And she's like there's nothing wrong with me. Big big fight at the end of the day. She comes at me and i literally thought to myself. This is it like this is how this is going to an. She's gonna kill me. She was she was so not her. It was like possessed and then she runs away at that moment. I call my brother. He happens to just come. We're in the car. And he says what's going on and i say it's the same thing as mom and he is like you're exaggerating. You're making this up like how like it doesn't compute like twice. You know what i mean. Why we get her we. She goes back into the quiet room all stuff. Well everything snowballs. My two older siblings are trying to live their life. I'm there right. They're not there anymore. And is your mom taking her medication at this point. Is she going on it off. It and she's. She's an on and off on monday. If the moon is is right and you know what. I mean oftentimes day. My brother said to her After my father died. Let's get something straight. I'm not dead if you don't take meds immediately. I'm putting you in somewhere..
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Such a wait for a kid. I mean on top of all the other stuff you know when you were in that moment if you could go back the adult you could go back and talk to young you. What would you say. Wow honestly okay so. The person i am today would say to that kid. I know you don't get it right now. But this is how it's meant to be. I know you're not you're not at fault. Your not your not to be blamed or not to hate yourself. Your mother doesn't hate you. This is you know if you believe anything of soul contracts and stuff. I i would tell that kid to hang on because there is a bigger purpose in all of this And and it's it's all going to be okay. I and i know. That's i mean i hear myself saying that and i'm like that's of stupid because the kid would probably look at me and be like are you fucking nuts like i would present you with a big long waiting around that exactly right exactly i. I don't know. I mean. I know i mean if i would love to know what would you have said to the little me back. Then because i there are times i would have said the same thing really. That makes me feel a lot better. There are times when i really think to myself like. I even reread my stuff. And i'm like fucked really happen like bright. Even you know the first book. Social trolls came out and said oh. Your father should have gone to prison. Dcfs should have been called and all this stuff. And i feel like there's so many people so quick to say what they would do or what you shoulda done or whatever not the you. You haven't walked in those shoes. You have different time not to make excuses for him but couple that with the fact that he comes from sicilian culture you know as you mentioned secrets families everything right. You know the other thing. I think i would have said to. Your younger self is find someone to talk to this. This you deserve to have your pain validated. What you're going through is horrifying and it will. It will help you. I wish that there were people to talk to because my experience back then i My father had put me in piano lessons And it was a nun and She was notorious for being pretty tough and we couldn't afford it anymore. I loved piano. We just couldn't afford anymore. And i remember walking in and saying to her sister. I won't mention her name. She's not alive anymore. But you never know so. I was like i'm really sorry but i'm just going to have to be the last session because we i didn't even like get the words out of my mouth and she grabbed me by my shirt collar. My uniform color threw me out into the hall against the lockers and said ms milano. You're gonna learn one day that the world doesn't revolve around you. And i was like what like what then. I went to the dean to complain and say this. Is you know this is wrong. Like and the dean said. What do you want me to do. And then referenced how behind we are in our Tuition bills and i was like. Oh so that's how this works Just a bunch of other things in the. I remember in the fourth grade. Because i was taking care of myself and siblings in the fourth grade. I remember i couldn't. I couldn't do what i was supposed to do. And and usually your mother would call and like well. I found the phone number of my fourth grade teacher. And i called her. I said hi. This is paulina. I need you to know that we've had some issues. Aw i won't be able to whatever it was. I don't even remember where i remember. It was the next day. And when i came into class she called me out into the hall and said if you ever call me at home again and i was so so. It was sort of like the authority figures. I even tried to go to church. You know we were church people. I just dumbfounded. How many even back then. How many adults in a row failed you. It's it's yeah. Yeah jolt you know the the biggest. I mean other than the cop The biggest one was i so my my hours at the donut shop or saturday from three to eleven and then sunday morning from like seven until three and churches either saturday night or sunday morning and i remember one time i got to go to church and it was after what happened with the cop and i just wanted to tell somebody like and then pretend it never happened right so i remember going to the confessional and the guys this was the oldest priest in the church and And i start to do the whole sin thing you know. It's been so long since sliced impressionable. And i go through the simple ones and i say i haven't been to church in whatever i said and i'm about to like the big thing you know. And and Father says why aren't you in church. Why haven't you been in church. I'm like oh father. You know i work and told them the whole story. I can't make it and he goes promise me that next weekend you will be here. I said but father i. I know i'm on the schedule. I can't promise you i'd be lying. Promise me and that motherfucker. Excuse me when absolve me on my sense. Because of that. And i just bad. I told myself i was not gonna cry. But it's tough when you go back and you just remember that and that was last. That was sort of like for me all right. I have tried teachers. This is the frigging priest. Okay this is it. This is me you can only mean on my own so that is basically that first book. The s were bad enough to have your mom. Who's like this. Then what did things end with the cop that night or did was he still learning. Okay wanna know okay. We'll we'll continue to tiptoe into fucked up land with me. Because while he. I think i don't know if he realized what in the world and i think it embarrassed him so much that i had to ask him to help commit my mom i think he just. He didn't disappear because his partner like they kept coming in for donuts and coffee and whatever but he always stayed in the car and me i all i wanted was for him to come in and say you know what i mean. I'm sorry i'm sorry. I wasn't what i was supposed to be. You don't try it again. I thought i was fault. Yes the failure big time. Yeah but he never. He never again. I i did see him. One other time I became i. i became sort of just. I don't give shit kinda. And i knew we needed money so i started stealing and Like cash out of the cash register you know when people would pay for their donuts. I'd just pocket it. I mean it all fairness in my defense the other woman who worked with me. She showed me how And so i. I ended up getting caught and the donut shop owner called the cops and he shows up and he's the one who took me and he made it go away and that was it an. I never got prosecuted. I never heard from the donut shop. People anymore. I just nothing i get another secret so it was just sort of on top of everything and sure catholic. Come top of all of that. Everything gets magnified by a power of my god. Does it does. It does so awesome. You can laugh about it now. I mean what what freedom to have perspective on this and to look back and see that. Yeah it sucks. No child should ever have to go through that. But you made the most of your forced gym membership for your soul. And you're able to share your experience as an author and friend. I imagine with other people Yeah i you know my so. When the first book came out the s. word i was in two thousand fifteen my older sister. She was okay with the manuscript before it got a publisher and then when it got published Has not really spoken to me and i also have a brother and then my younger sister who also passed and you know that.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Did as well to became my mom's therapist at seven years old. I was like i'm smart. Right right right and you get more love however you want to kind of look at it but my i feel bad because my father tried to do whatever he could. And you know everybody's kind of doing the best that they can write in that moment not to excuse anybody And i feel horrible for my mother especially now with the second book in the things uncovered there but when i was at the donut shop you know there was a police officer. I was what twenty six years. My senior And you know my father had asked him to keep his eye out for me and he took that to the extreme. It's it's hard for me to even kind of compute that because at the age of fourteen i was into it mean but which is super common for common kids will when their needs aren't being met at home they will accept any form of love often and attention. And you think you know. I must be really special that this person that much older than me is and they know how to groom. They know they know how to tell you all the things that they think. That child wants to hear so he was forty. Yeah it was. It was interesting because he So when he was thirty nine he kept talking about his fortieth birthday and the birthday gift that he wanted. Kind of thing and you know i was. I wasn't an idiot. I knew what he man and an end meows like no wait. Wait this is supposed to be like my second dad like the guy who watches out for me not not all of this right so something in me. I knew i remember Trying to figure out a gift for him that would separate us. And i remember finding a birthday card and the birthday card you know 'cause it was a donut shop. The birthday card headed doughnut on the cover and it was like a bite was taken out in the jelly was losing out and it said something like the best part of the best part of life is in the middle happy forty something like that and i purposely wanted it because it really underscored your forty tied in and i thought oh perfect you know. This'll be platonic great Because he wanted sex with you for his fortieth. Here's the thing he leading up to all of it he would come and sit with me. Late nights I he often ended up taking me home because my dad couldn't come and get me He you know he did something. Really kind of It it's it's tough to talk about because it it really Got me. It was major sexual awareness for me and what he would do is now. I still remember the first night he came in to do it. He he crossed over the line into the the area. That i'm in and i was all alone and at this point i'm i'm still thirteen. And he he had cat hair all over his uniform and he said Could you help me with my pussy problem and i. I don't even know to be honest with you. If i even knew what the hell you know what. I mean like that all meant so i was kinda like okay and he took my hands and he took the tape dispenser that you used to close the boxes and he wrapped it around both hands backwards so that the sticky side was on hand and then he took my hands and used them to stroke Whole body to get the cat hair off. that's how it started And then that night in. What did you think in. Feel in that moment if you can remember and you're comfortable talking while this is so all of this is the first book the s. word which is a memoir about secrets. What did i feel honestly there. There was that feeling of a bit. I kind i know this is wrong and my mother is right about how bad i am. But there's another feeling where you're getting wet. You're getting turned on your your thinking this. Is you know at that time. When when i was i don't know ten or eleven i- i snuck away with friends to go see the movie rocky the first movie rocky. And if you remember in the first movie. Rocky there's a scene where adrian he they are in his place and he's got that like wife beater tee shirt on and he puts his arms over the bar and he says to her. I'm gonna kiss you You don't have to kiss me back. But and then he moves in on her while she's moving back at the end of that. Obviously they've had sex and she's completely transformed right into this beautiful kind of to me. That was what happened. That's what was going to happen as not what happened And so that night when he comes in And it was it was his birthday. I was like oh. I've got something for you. I was you know kind of trying to be super excited. But i didn't want what was gonna happen. And he i remember he just kind of was pretty pissed off like he devoured the donut that i had put a candle in And then he just pushed me into the back room. The the odd part is and this is the other challenging part. i..
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"With paolina milana. Who was an author and you grew up in some nuttiness where you're talking about. Yeah yes quite a bit of madness so actually. I think we're from the same place like chicago. That's my hometown. Yeah so. I don't know if that If that breeds it or what but but but yeah my My upbringing i like to say that insanity is rooted in my family tree and i was tasked with tending its garden so i was raised by mom who went undiagnosed for a long time and then finally diagnosis paranoid schizophrenic And then became her primary caregiver and primary caregiver to my younger sister who also became a paranoid schizophrenic. And at what age were you given these responsibilities. So when i was ten pretty much is when it started with my mom and being from a sicilian family There's there's pride in kind of being called the little mother and my father would call me lepe lama so all of the duties that my mom you know the typical mom duties that she couldn't get to at ten. I just started to assume them. Take them over then. My for for instance in both your parents are originally from sicily. Both my parents are originally from sicily. So know english. Not first language They my father basically was a barber. We didn't have health insurance My mother Was commissioned to come to the us by enrico pucci Her her talent in seamstress and andress making was phenomenal super talented. When they came here they immediately started having children. There's four of us and my mom had her little sewing business. It was actually quite a happy little family very traditional sicilian roles Family comes for family comes first just adjusting your mic sorts of senior face. Oh okay that's good. I thought it was because my voices. Two booming loud so family comes first very much so but also in the cillian kind of Family it's La cosa nostra. So what happens in the family stays in the family. So there was this unwritten code of silence. You know we took care of our own when my We had a an uncle who lived with us. Uncle joe loved him and he was my mom's older brother and he wasn't married or anything. My mom got to the point where she didn't want him in the house anymore. Simply because you're sicilian husband who's kind of what you gotta do. And you've got four kids and you don't drive. You don't speak the language and she had her brother also kind of telling her what to do and then the two men would kind of argue right at times so she wanted him gone on the night before he was to leave. My my father had told him you know you just gotta go and My uncle joe died of a heart attack and my mother was spiraled into depression and in those days. Nobody talked about it. Nobody knew what was really going on. We think that that is what sparked the schizophrenia. Those symptoms and and from that point on. I know i was I was about six or seven and from that point on she started seeing things She started hearing things. She blamed herself for his death or never came out and said it but But during the funeral you know it's it's. It's often made fun of in tv and film that whole sicilian kind of weeping wailing crying on the coffin. And she did. She threw herself into the coffin. So she and she would. I remember her. I was a little kid. But i remember her saying. This isn't how i wanted it. And so i'm sure. She blamed herself off all through. You know what was happening. What was coming shouldn't even understand it. I was a pretty Adventurous little shit. And i was my father's favorite even as a little girl. And and my mom kind of decided that i i was the target. I was a bit of the evil kind of spawn. So i I i got a lot of her rage a lot of her. You know i grew up. Was this before The illness presented itself now. This was before the diagnosis so so my father took her everywhere on every physical doctor that you could think of because in those days it wasn't wasn't the first thing that you even kind of think of right So my mom even had a couple of exploratory brain surgeries because they were convinced. It was something physical then. My dad took her to the mayo clinic at the mayo clinic. I remember him coming home. Just confused as hell because he said you know they told me. You know mr milana. Your your wife's problem is not physical. She has schizophrenia. And that just snowballed into a. We couldn't tell anybody because in those days the only thing on tv was you know. I'm sure you remember the movie civil. That was pretty much it right so if you had mental illness that's where you were And so we. We didn't tell anybody we just kept going more and more into debt because of all the medications and the bills my father ended up just continuously selling things to the outside world. Nobody really knew anything that was going on wrong and to my father's credit he you know he could have left. He could have done a bunch of things he stayed and he stayed always with a a a sense of Of joy a sense of finding you know like. I like to say finding the magic in the little things you know so it's not like it was. It was totally amazing. It was because my mom you know my mom would stay up all night and scream and rant and rave She would turn the knobs on the On the stove and talk about blowing us all up and she had knives and baseball bats under their bed Threatening him and then in the morning we all just went to school. And you know as if this was normal and you didn't sleep a wink. And and the only thing that i knew i could control where my grades at that time so i was a student and nobody would have known really anything going on other than i eat. That's my coping mechanism. And so little by little. I was gaining weight gaining weight gaining weight so that was kind of my my entire upbringing. I had some other challenges be because we need money. I started working. I forged my birth certificate. When i was thirteen because i always looked older and i started working at a donut shop when i was thirteen. And i you know at at that age you kind of especially growing up as treated as an adult. Almost right the things that i was taking care of. And you think you're smarter than you really are and you can handle more things and you don't know how inappropriate is for that load to be given to you. You don't realize you're missing out on a part of your emotional growth. Your innocence has been shattered now. Now as a matter of fact you feel at least. I feel super powerful..
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"To be over eighteen highly recommended and finally this is from the love survey filled out by a person who calls themselves d i y as in. Whyy i'm very clumsy guy who loves diy project so i always have my hands with cuts burns or scratches in different states of healing. I love watching how my body keeps working to put it back together. I just love how no matter. How clumsy am. The skin always regenerates. The wound is gone sometimes. Leaving a scar behind sometimes. Not kind of wish. I wasn't so prone to hurting my own hands. But i love to watch them. He'll to get fuck away from my life you know couldn't fell any newer grief guilt shane. Why was born girl. There's a switch. That gets flipped in my head. I'm supposed to be spurious being treated like an how can adjust. God i have vomit faddish. Humans do this to each other help. I fucking flew over the cuckoo's nest wife's losing it. I thought it was all about me to do. I would have committed suicide. If i could have watched my funeral a polaroid. I found my mother naked in a dentist chair. My body doesn't quite. I think i did eight days in. La county jail. It how i see myself. What was it all four wire funds. Everything that i did. There's a comfort in the scars. Fermi was in service of ocd. You've already had all the paper cut. Step away from the paper really hard to see the picture. When you're inside the frame it takes a larger view to see. The light does actually have somebody listening to you. And i got up and got my tooth and left. I.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Send you some love. I've experienced a lot of things but that kind of psychosis as i mentioned in an podcast A couple of times towards the end of my drinking. I would hear somebody calling my name when i would lay down to go to sleep. It sounded like somebody was in my backyard. But that's pretty that's pretty mild to what you're talking about holy shit. Thank you for sharing that. This is an awesome moment filled out by a guy who calls himself same old beat drummer man and he writes. It just happened again. Forty minutes ago. My old friend of thirty years texted and asked me how i'm doing then had the same debate i've had with myself the last eight thousand times he's asked to. I pretend things are groovy. I let them know that. I'm back to the level of depression. I had when my ex left main to chase her career in live cam porn. I so relate to not knowing how to answer how you doing. I don't think i have ever felt completely comfortable or confident. And my answer to how. I'm doing most of the time i feel like i'm either minimizing or exaggerating. I suppose that's the mean voice in the head this just like a whole year a fraud. You're li- you're you know cetera. This is from the fear survey out by hot mess express. She writes frogs. If i see a frog i will change my route. I'm afraid that the reason. I'm single is because i'm too crazy and then i'll end up alone forever. I'm afraid that i've made too many mistakes. Which has given me too many bruises and scars. I'm afraid that i've got completely that. I haven't completely gotten out of my own way at fear pushing people away. 'cause i get venomous when outraged. Although working on it. I also push people away out of fear of abandonment. I fear i am unforgivable. I think i think we were member. Nat king cole singing. That i fear everyone else. Has it easier than i do. In my brain. I fear that if compared i suck see. That's what hitler documentaries are for. You're feeling bad about yourself. Fire up a hitler documentary. You will be like. I am awesome. I feel i will never get to go on vacation while everyone else gets to and what i want almost more than anything i fear. I've damaged my daughter in anyway. I fear that. I am actually a big damaged failure. Thank you for sharing that and man you are in your head. I think it would be so good to check out support growth. Because i think you would find probably by the end of your first meeting that you are not alone and that and you might discover some tools to help you cope with that negative voice in your head because i have the feeling you know while you still have struggles in. Yes maybe you've heard some people. You are not the monster the broken monster that you think you are. This is from the fear survey filled out by pretzel. And she writes. I fear flying with my partner and our plane breaking up mid air. Having to know at that moment that he will tie and that i will have to watch him die and that we will not be able to hold onto one another. We will have no more time to share with each other while that is so fucking graphic but there's a chance that you might be able to see somebody die and first class before you and that would make it all worth it. This is from the love survey filled out by katie. An and she writes asked a lot of different people a lot of different times. What they the differences between romantic and platonic love. Most people say something sexual or just a gut feeling it so. I've never gotten a satisfying answer. Until i asked my coworker a month ago. He said it's the threshold for forgiveness. I can't stop thinking about it. That is an interesting one. The threshold for forgiveness. I assume means it's i assume he means that you're more forgiving of somebody you're romantically involved with and somebody your platonic involved with. I would say that the difference is the size of the knife..
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"milana" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"I do i do i. Recently hired a awesome woman named broke to Help me with some of the stuff Because it was just it does not take a lot for me too overwhelmed and there was a lot of stuff that i was just not getting too because either dread or fear ward didn't have the energy to do it and decided to budgets and money to to hire somebody part time producer Who designed and or maintains your website and all its features a lovely guy by the name of Yawny who is finish. And i don't remember how found him but he's great and an affordable who solicits manages your advertising in patriot on account holbrook. And i both kind of deal with the patriotic competence far as advertising There's an agency that i to to those ads. Some of them i booked myself Do you ever feel overwhelmed. Or burdened by the non content related technical side of running the podcast the technical side no being amateur guitarist. I was familiar with editing software. Before i even started the podcast ten years ago so that i don't but the business related stuff and social media related stuff that i definitely feel Feel overwhelmed by and if you ever feel so inclined to donate to the podcast. That would help defray i think that might be the first time ever used word defray Defray the costs and help with the budget for keeping the show running. You can do it through. Pay pal or patriotic. All those links are on our on our website. This is an awful simone filled out by a guy who refers to himself as stone. He right it's been in the us army for nineteen years three months and seventeen days. And today i was with schizophrenia. I've known for several years that i had my share mental health challenges like physical injuries. Mental injuries are just a part of the job description. If you sprain your ankle just stay off of it for a few days and you'll be fine at most. I figured i had experienced some mild depression and maybe occasionally over anxious about the days duty. Sometimes you just wanted to sleep in a little or you just felt a little burned out and didn't wanna go to work it's fine. Everyone feels that way sometimes. Not once did. I consider the possibility or seriousness of acute psychosis was my focus that began to slip. I had become incredibly forgetful and unable to concentrate long enough to accomplish meaningful work began to rely on my teammates subordinates to carry out assign tasks but as superior offer superior officer that was the easy part. The hard part was remembering what part projects had been assigned into whom while i was seemingly functional to my colleagues by the time i returned home from each day's tour of duty would be so mentally exhausted that i could only zone out stare at the wall while pretending to watch the news or listen to my wife or daughter. Tell me about their day. I was emotionally unavailable to them. In fact found even their presence the overwhelming and i began to disconnect myself from their very existence but it worked. Even though i was barely holding my personal life family and marriage together continued to get promoted and move up. The ranks of responsibility even earned an appointment to warrant officer and received a commission. I'm not sure exactly when tiffany and aberdeen In parentheses my imaginary cats began to come around but they provided comfort in the sense of being that and then this isn't caps. The woman in the window only wanted to steal. I could talk to them and they could talk back through a sort of telepathy. There were especially helpful when the walls with mumble. The woman in the window however i could hear her voice was as audible the heel of boot. That makes a thump as you walk down the hallway sometimes clearly present and other times completely unnoticed. So this is where. I find myself telling my story having been found unfit for duty yet somehow relieved that the people around me are now aware of my hallucinations. Why thank you so much for that. What a bittersweet situation to feel seen and heard but to.
Mark Bell's Power Project
"milana" Discussed on Mark Bell's Power Project
"I'll do some type of capital movements work. Why just get to move my body through different ranges of motion. I liked that. So i do some form of training every single day. You know what i mean. But it's not at every day's hard. And i think that's what we gotta remember you know Not everyday needs to be one hundred percent doesn't have to be full of fully super-sophisticated workout plan that you run. Every single day. They do every single day. You could go in the gym and say you know i just want some movement You could even do like one. Exercise day I think that even if you're convince yourself to do one exercise you most likely probably do more But i had a really simple workout a couple of days ago. All i did was Low cable curls and tries to push down this went back and forth on back and forth. And i was like you know i'm going to do this for like twenty or thirty minutes. I ended up doing for an hour straight she. I didn't do any other exercise just those two movements in felt really good And that would be the other thing too. Don't think that you need to get in a bunch of exercises You know somebody might have scientific proof or evidence that it's more advantageous to do two or three Body parts and a training session or were three exercises per work or whatever it is but that doesn't mean you don't get any benefit from going into the gym and doing one exercise. And i think we have a tendency to under sell what we actually do or what we actually did and sometimes he might say something like oh i all. I had time for today. I just went in the gym and dead lifted. it's like we'll deadliest is like one of the hardest exercises. You can pick and same with the squat and so if that's all if that's you know quote unquote all you did for the day. That's actually a lot and you should be pumped about that. And you don't have to worry about whether you've got hamstring curls in or leg press or belt squat and all the other things that you might have wanted to get to. That is true that is true. I will say this though too. Because i think a lot of they're probably a lot of individuals whose ears perked up and they're like lonzo delasin squads and that's yeah it's good. Trust me is good training session but if you do wanna gain a lot of muscle and other places you probably should do those smaller movements. That'll help you out Especially if you're a newer lifter so a more advanced lifter if someone can dead lift. Let's say five hundred pounds and they went in the gym and they did a four sets of six with four or five or something like that. It's like well. That's yeah dude you can probably go the fuck home town like you wreck your hamstrings your lower back in your and you're you're you don't need to worry about it but if you're newer lifter and he did one eighty five for forced to six. It'd probably be in your best interest to say you know what i need to spend some time doing some. I got some chicken legs. I need to spend some time doing some leg. Curls i'm gonna drag the sled for twenty minutes and then i'm going go home that falls into the whole muscles money thing that we talked about all the time like realize this like when you put in andre milana. I've came on and said you first few years of training. You should be building a volume so billion volume each body part doing everything everywhere. So you can build muscle so that you then can use that muscle to do strength work. So if you are starting out star off by essentially doing bodybuilding work and then he wanted. Powerlifting do that after fears. You probably built a good body that can handle training volume right but the cool thing is that after a lot of training years after you've built a good body it doesn't take that much to maintain the muscle you've put on. You don't need to keep lifting that training volume to maintain your frame. Actually we had bradshaw and felt a lot like mental henson's they came in and they specifically said. Hey if you. It doesn't take a lot to maintain muscle that's already been built building. It is rough it not rough much building. It takes work but maintaining it takes much less work And then what else also gonna add about. 'cause you're thinking like this week you know my son. He's seven months old so we had. We had a pretty bad night the other night like he decided he was so tired. Sleep as we're like you fall asleep and you wake up freaking out I kind of made the decision at like one. Am like yeah probably not gonna do it tomorrow. So i've made sure that i got as good a rest as i could because i started. I sorta treated that rest day as like another workout. Almost like i was like. I'm gonna make sure i get good rest here because like i don't wanna throw away the day completely. Made sure i actually made it worth into kind of chill out so by doing that. That prevented me from feeling like shift for not working out because they just i mean it would have been so bad to get like four hours of sleep and then try to lift like it would just would not have been good one bad. Yeah people don't need to get anxiety over encima saying he works out every day or any one of us san that we walk or do whatever each and every day it but we do think it's important exercise every day and But i think it's it's also important understand like again given the scenario Let's say let's say. I went to go in the gym and do some back right. Go and do some lap pull downs to a couple seated rose and then i get pulled away and I mean like a meeting or something and then for whatever reason. I just don't feel like i got enough motivation to go back in the gym and train now. Do you really think it matters that much. That i come back in tomorrow and i decided to some pullovers nice decided to do a couple other things from my lattes and finish off you know fourteen hours later. I mean there's there's not enough real compelling evidence or testing or like these tests are there too hard to do When you're just living your life and your just exercising these certain ways so I wouldn't think that you have to. There are particular ways to work out. I don't want to say like you know working out completely. Randomly all the time Is you might miss might be misdirected. Not be able to get to your goal as quickly as you'd like so that's not necessarily great But it is your workout and it is your body and if you really don't like working out that much select things that you know that you do like try not to spend too much time in the gym. I think that's a really good thing that you do seem like. I don't really see in there forever like you're in there and you're getting shit done a lot of work done But i don't know you to be in there for like three or four hours. You know what i mean. And i think some people make the mistake of being in there for so long it cuts into the next day. So if you're in the gym Three or four times a week. And you're in there ninety minutes every single time and you're just dead as tired and you don't think that you can train on these other days maybe cutting back on those other days bit and also like what about just being fired up or inspired by something.
The Mad Mamluks
"milana" Discussed on The Mad Mamluks
"Now you know what's going on in the world in society like before. I was like some gullible guy. You know the government loves you. They do everything right and in eventually had a friend. I woke me up when i was in the military and then You know the whole pill thing that just came along with it so okay that. That's that's more like the matrix type of meaning. That's i wish exactly in second. He was hoping it would be a lot more. You had four lives. I was hoping like ibrahim was muslim. Version of rollo. Tomasi all right so I remember i remember my first experience with the taliban. I i was in high school i was looking for. I talked to our listeners. About this lot. One now with young. I was looking for a movement or some kind of savior of muslims because i always realized at a very young age that muslims are in a very dire situation and and i was in the library because i was instead of going to launch out. Go to the library. Because i didn't have any friends that with loser. Poor black loads and Does look freaky. Kids thinker so I remember nineteen ninety-six. I'm in the library seeing the taliban movement Taking over cancel the newspaper. I'm sitting on the on. The couches is tweeting about the. Tell him quote. These guys like they you know have figured out there Establishing state and their free frearing out for themselves what to their own destiny. Basically right. you're not. They're not ensure they're not a proxy of a western country. They're not acting as an agent of russia or china or america so i was really excited when they came up but you know as time went on nine eleven happened. You know we saw that you know. These guys are a little bit more stricter than what you would are hoping in my my thinking was always that it group that is bringing psalm to muslims. Shouldn't look like enforcers. Like look like they shouldn't look like a bunch of milana's or or Very religious type of you should be cultivated from from the people. They should look like the people one of the reasons why you were many of us. Were excited about the syrian rebels. Because they look like everyone else and they wanted the sharia implemented in syria right because they look they were t shirt and jeet throwing guys and they're in on some of them were smoking cigarettes. Some of them weren't bay practicing but they all wanted show all right. You see the one. They're much more different. I wanted like Brother ebrahim's perspective on dat specifically. Because when he first you muslim when you were in a hostile no. I wasn't. when i was in afghanistan. I was not muslim. What was it. Two years. After i got out the military. That's when i became muslim i. I wasn't afghanistan in two thousand nine for like seven months. Tell us about that. Tell us about your first impressions when you were first there Just like any young kid you know in the military was probably like nineteen at the time. Nineteen or twenty..
One Life Radio Podcast
"milana" Discussed on One Life Radio Podcast
"And welcome back to one life. Radio this is bernadette junior and paulina. Milana we are continuing on discussing. Her book committed a memoir of madison. The family so much to talk about. You're going to have to come back again. Paulina was lead. But we have been 'cause we got a little dino's on. Yeah yeah yeah. I love it i love it. Well you know. I think for for me the most important message that that i like to get out to people when i discuss. Mental illness in a family is that that person that is mentally ill they. They suffer tremendously but so does the whole family. And so it's good to talk about it openly. And i and i ask people you know to to to release the stigma. Release the prejudice or the fear that you have being around someone mentally ill Would you agree with that. Do you feel passionate about that about Because absolutely i mean absolutely look i I kept my mom at arm's distance. Because i was afraid of quote unquote catching crazy. Yeah and and plus. She was a pretty rage. Full paranoid schizophrenic. So that was just a major fear factor. One i realized as time went on is that i was putting my mom in this bucket of. That's all she was. All she is is mental illness. And yet i missed out for a lot of my life on everything else. She was so she would come to the us by pucci a famous designer. She was super talented super intelligent. She was funny she. We loved the same music we loved. You know boys on motorcycles. I married one. So it's it's just. It's a shame because when we put people in these buckets and we think they are black and white. They're not and i don't believe any one of us is yeah and there's so much to discover and i know i'm looking at the clock of the music is going to start playing here in a second. My bro- my brother to paulina was very very violent. But now you know through medication. In time he is the sweetest soul. It's hard for me to talk about getting a little bit clump. Because he has suffered so much he has suffered so much. I'm just thankful that. I can take care of him. It is an honor that i get being able to take care of him. And there's the music wonderful. Gosh you're gonna have to come back. It's all there is to it. All right everyone paulina. Thank you so much everyone out there listening if you have someone in your family. That is mentally ill. I encourage you to get the book committed. It is absolutely wonderful. You will enjoy it so much. You really really will go to their website. Met her to go to paulina's a website madness dot com. That's madness to magic and everyone remember you get one body you get one mind and you get one life get out there today and make the most of it..
One Life Radio Podcast
"milana" Discussed on One Life Radio Podcast
"On iheartmedia as ame in southern california on. Abc news talk. And i've got my dog love in here with me today to so if he pipes up all right. I forgot you voices. I think you were the one that said that loves voice. I'll have to cover his ears right now that you said that loves voice sounds like a weird pinocchio or what did you say. What did you say a weird. Mickey mouse is that a broke mickey mouse. That's funny did you did you. Did you have a good memorial day. Weekend i did i did. I mean it was You know. I worked a lot but it was. Dj in which to me is not really. It's not really working because it's always so it was good weekend though. I i did Friday saturday and then two shifts on sunday and then i did absolutely nothing. Yesterday i slept till noon. Yeah and i just. I just laid the couch. We watched a movie and just watch. Tv in that. Yeah it was great. I love you. i didn't. I did a lot of nothing to Of course you know. I was going to meet you. I was but i. I think i told you this. I have poison ivy again. And i got it really bad this time. Like i'm talking all over my arms. My neck my ears. My boobs like everywhere for upper body. And i'm like oh my god and so for me poison ivy's gone i mean i am because i looked at it real close and i was like okay. That looks like this. And that looks like that's not poison ivy while i was clearly wrong or there's an app on your phone. You can just use your camera and that way. You don't have to guess you know you to be able to identify you know in case you're out in the wild and you don't have your phone or something. I don't know but i didn't do that clearly. And so yeah. So i didn't do a lot. I did a lot of itching economy. But you know what it's okay you're scratching your skin. Love that love that. Oh my gosh. Well it's great to be back on the mike and we've got a fantastic show for you today. We've got paulina milana at the half. A she's coming back to talk about when family members suffer from mental illness. Something she and. I both have a lot in common in that area Growing up with a with a sibling or in her case. It was a sibling. An apparent that was schizophrenic. In my case it's my eldest brother who's schizophrenic And i'm as caretaker so we've got a lot to talk about and we've got mo bros set. I've got a lot. I wanna talk to him about mo- how you doing today. I'm good good question for you win and you going to be out in the wild found. Okay mr mountain man. aren't you supposed to. Aren't you supposed to leave your your phone at home when you grounded the wild and fight bears. I know it up. Don't know. And i know what is okay all right. Well i i love having you on the show mojo. Set you guys have. You've never heard him. You're in for a treat. He has been in the health and fitness industry for over twenty four years and he is currently the director of mindset and nutrition at the adaptive a training foundation a dallas based nonprofit that leads disabled military veterans and civilians do a nine week mental and physical training program called redefine and through this unique program. Mo- helps these adaptive athletes overcome physical emotional and mental pain. Fear and self doubt mo is a keynote speaker on fear an expert in human behavior mindset and language. He is the founder of hunt and prosper where he leads an eight week. Master fear online program as well as the men's leadership academy his website is hunt dash prosper dot com or on instagram at hunt underscore prosper in. It's always great to have you on the show today mo and so you know i. We were talking about memorial day. Americans celebrate memorial day every year but many of us don't really know about the meaning behind it. So what does memorial day mean to you. How how did you celebrate it for me and you know hopefully for more people. It's it's it's not really a celebration. It's more of a remembrance and may memorial day for our servicemen and women who have lost their lives keeping us safe so not just military first responders firefighters and police officers as well and so you know it's it. It is a day of celebration day to celebrate their lives. Celebrate their memories but it's also a day to reflect and do something in honor of those individuals and what we do here in dallas every year. There's even called carry the load and we. It starts down sean parker park in dallas and we walk up and down the katy trail in a seven mile loop for up to twenty hours. And along the way you're carrying you. Use a carry a backpack with some weight in it and that symbolizes carrying the load for the fallen brothers and sisters and along. They've got posters of the men and women who've lost their lives either killed in action While in service or other by other means so you can look at these men and women and their pay respects to them. We unfortunately lost a good brother of ours Early last year and so we were walking in honor of him as well. The other members of our family that we've unfortunately lost due to unfortunate circumstances and It's just it's it's a fun time. It's a time of remembrance at the time of of solitude and we did and we we kick it off with doing the murph challenges. Well i'd just yeah just going to bring that up. I'm looking at it in the epoch. Times the murph challenge memorial day tribute to the fallen. I was going to ask you if you did that. So did you do it. Yeah we did it. We did it right before we started carrying the load. So we did. We walked for about ten hours. Wow wow wow l. And so that's a so that's what we've that's what you call rucking right rucking around people that maybe missed that show so rocking. Tell them what it is smoke for. The people that don't know is a great exercise. Actually it's it's it's a military term because your backpack is your ruck. It's your rucksack so working is literally just putting weight in a backpack in walking. That's what rucking is. I love that you know. I have to tell you guys Junior you're going to let you guys are both going to crack so this morning. Right my pool guys here and i see him waving to me to come outside so i threw on Something just to cover up in the night and the guy and i wasn't naked but you know to say and i just wasn't. I wasn't comfortable going out there. The way i was dressed so i go out there. And he's he's pointing down into one of the Filter things and and there's a big fat frog down there. And and i said oh my gosh i'm like do we don't kill him he's like you don't want me to like what what do you mean you. Don't why would you kill a frog. He was such pay. He didn't want to go down there. And get the get the damn. I'm serious. I had i was thinking to myself. You need to take most class on how to be a man. He was so afraid of that frog. It was ridiculous. So i'm the one that had to dig went and got a wooden spoon and get down there and just kinda you know. Gently lifted the frog until he swam in the pool. And then i got the big. You know a net and And i scooped him up and put him in the yard but he wanted to kill. I'm like what man unfortunate he. He spoke pool boy that you would. I think he needs to take your young alpha leadership academy here which is one of the things. We're gonna talk about today. But the annual Adaptive training foundation awards ceremony was also this.
Monocle 24: The Briefing
The Latest News On The War In Yemen
"War in yemen has been one of the grimmer stories unfolding anywhere on earth for roughly six years now for most of that time it has struggled fool widespread and much more so this year as the rest of the world was preoccupied with the obvious. One of the reasons that yemen has been under reported is that it has been difficult and dangerous to report from monocle. Twenty-fourth beirut correspondent. Leyla moulana alone has recently been to yemen and joins me now a layla. First of all the logistics at this point of getting in and out of yemen. How do you do it. The logistics arch freaky and there are multiple ways now. there awesome flights operating into yemen. And on the way in the way it was done. was through cairo's flying into cairo. And then going into an applet. Who'd you in the south now the flights of neuron a few times a week. They don't necessarily ron time. All hugely overbooked. Of course with people want to go on another extremely expensive as what happened with us. Was that when we lost one can can you then looking out as well because these flights are constantly moving. So it's very unsure when you go in how exactly oh gutting be able to get out and in all case We had to change into a land route option and dry options country which took days because the flights simply went operational on the way out so not necessarily the stable of travel. Itinerary will clearly once in yemen which parts of it. Were you actually able to see so. I was in shabwah. Governorate which is in the south is traditionally very Very tribal governor. At and at the moment it's now the only southern governor this fact compete under the control of the central government it was until the end of two thousand and nineteen ponti occupied by the some transitional council which is the nutritional southern separatists of southern yemen. But they were pushed out at the end of two thousand and nineteen alongside the shabani elite forces which were essentially local mercenaries hired and backed by the united arab emirates. Who of fighting that. They had been fighting against al qaeda terrorists forces that they will push out the two thousand eighteen so it is now backsitting under government control but of course at still a lot of controls over the different parties that some things. That isn't the right decision. So in that part of yemen is life relatively stable and peaceful on the one hand is driving around the capital city act. They're all going up. There are shop opening people walking around. That does seem to be a bishop. Prosperity come back and stuff. People was antony there were jobs hidden now. We can't find jobs in other areas with coming his to work so in on that side of things know that building tourist complex building hotels that very hopeful that the level of stability having now even things like went scoreless Address the that level of civility means that they will have increasing prosperity. The problem of course is firstly that the country as many said to me is still seen as water but also there are a lot of problems with stability they currently have posited is because there is oil. it's one of the three governorates that has a lot of oil in yemen and the governor has made a deal with the central government that they get a twenty percent cut. That goes straight to the governor at so they can invest in rebuilding infrastructure analytical houses in the governor at. That's a great deal. But a lot of people in southfield they should be getting even more not so much of it should be going to the central government that trying to encourage more western oil companies to come back in as also lots of liquid natural gas that the moment there is just one australian oil company functioning on The moment there is just one austrian oil company who is currently can shop. Hope that increase was fired. You enjoy -tunities Very unstable as i say with the political situation still going around. They're all active. Frontlines from the nearest one is in marriage to the north. That's fine with the season is also still frontlines. The southern traditional council as well given everything you've said about life in shaw born those soins reasonably encouraging signs of some sort of return to normality. Does it feel like the government is itself a self contained country at this point. Is there much talk about trying to put yemen back together. So this is the big question with some people are saying shove what is the example of how of federalist yemen could work. You know in which the different governorates level tournament. A certain amount of money to run that own concerns are loyal to a central government and of course contribute troops to a central government. Which is what's currently happening. Lots of shift one young men going and fighting own the nearest frontline that the government has up in a way in tons for its relationship that they have on say. The governor is a loyal to central. Government has a good working relationship barron which she has been given this level of autonomous theoretically that is hopeful future. The problem is that people are fighting for different reasons. This is something people kept saying to me that you know there are some people who had the interest of the money interest of the oil. The pool of calls many people saying that the uae and the arabia of that those reasons. But then you've got some transitional council bay come from a long line of people who believe that the south of the. Nfl is completely different from the nose. Should be united and shouldn't be wrong from the north which causes where at the central government is based although i should say that most of the people who make up the central government actually are outside the country right now because he ended so constantly moving on stable But seth me they're southerners new feel wouldn't at shouldn't be enrolled in the as the south bend. Of course you have. The who fees. Who are the shiite iran backed militia. Who are still fighting in. How occupied a lot of the north of the moment. They are running at sanaa city at the moment still and they of course flight final ideology and copy one of my money as many people said to me that it's not just about these business relationships on the national resources so while the idea the united yemen too. Many people is hugely appealing. And so many people that saying can you with retired war. We want peace. We want elections. We just want to get on with our lives and have yemen stop being associated with the idea of this ongoing horrific war which the united nations is called the greatest humanitarian crisis currently in the world but whether or not that's realistic the number of political issues currently butting up against each other both in tunnel and the proxy wars being fooled by international powers is is another question is obviously not short of problems but it was also burden this year as every country on earth walls by the covid nineteen pandemic. Were you able to get much sense of how that has affected life in yemen or how yemen with the resources it has has been able to handle it so the area i was in has extreme yellow covid figures at least in tons of what's being counted now going in i thought perhaps they simply aren't being counted all covered up in some way. One of the arguments is of course. It doesn't really make sense for the government to be covering up coach. Vic is because it's one way of them getting access to aid. Amy because so much aid money to other projects has been coastal this year because it will bring directed towards codex but in the area. I was in shock whistle. The numbers are extremely loads. They do have a new testing center in the capital of. Its just couple of months old. That's incompletely funded and built by the saudis very center. It isn't getting much use because they don't seem to be that many people coming in now elsewhere in yemen. The problem has been much worse. Part of the reason might be that there is not that much movement in the south. Where's the north in ogden. In saana a further away from that is a lot of moving there and we. Stephanie seen horrific numbers of people really struggling particularly ibp comps. Where who's it spreads wildfire. Now i did meet with several people who said that in the prisons. The situation is getting much worse as well. I spoke a couple of prisoners families who said that they the dominant co code in prison and the conditions were horrendous. They were not being freed Unlike many prisons seeing around the world who've been given a thorough from prison while the coronavirus has been spreading shouts great concern. The big problem really is as i say. That was not much of it to be seen at the moment. But the very worried about Of course we know that in the summer does seeing that the transmission. I'll in the winter. Once that construe immune systems are the health service simply The local hospital is absolutely overwhelmed. Ready mary i was having a den. Gay deng massive outbreak which is affecting a lot of young children in particular from the rural areas. You have to travel hundreds of kilometers to get to the hospital. So although right now where i was as i say not that big a problem if it does hit in the winter and docs saying they're concerned about that. It would be really really devastating. The muslim needs right now. Layla milana allen in beirut. Thanks for joining us.
Monocle 24: The Globalist
Lebanon tribunal names 4 suspects in Hariri killing
"Is more than. Fifteen years since Lebanon's Prime Minister Rafic, Hariri was killed in a massive car bomb along with twenty one others. Later today an international caught near The Hague will hand down verdicts in the trial of four people accused of planning and carrying out the attack the four accused of of the Iran backed militia and political party. Hasballah. Hezbollah itself is not formally accused. Well, let's hear from the journalist and multiple twenty four regular contributor in Beirut Leyla Milana Allen Lali you're standing outside the very hotel in front of which Rafic Hariri was killed. What sense is in Beirut today that the justice will be done. There is very little sense. the families, all of the twenty one people other than because eighty who were killed as well as the nearly three hundred injured have waited as you say, over fifteen years justice taking a very long time this commission to come through with this, and the problems are a few of course many people here feel that the responsibility lies with the Syrian regime and through has through then has one. and. The five men on trial here all labeled as Hezbollah supporters because they found it very difficult to actually find evidence to show that they his bumbling members because, of course. Is So secretive I'm one of the biggest problems is that must have budgeted dean who was the main sort of ringleader debt these indictments who was accused of having set. The whole thing was known very well as the military imam to Hezbollah was killed in two thousand sixteen an attack on Damascus APP while his was helping Bashar Assad's regime with the wool there. So he was the one person who is very easy to link to Hezbollah and the only evidence they have all circumstantial evidence from these mobile phone networks. So as we expected, the indictment will come through the verdict will. Saying that before remaining men all guilty lane attempts about those who are accused of the murder of the prime minister. said a five men who stand accused have all been labeled Hezbollah supporters and that's because it's incredibly difficult to prove that they were in fact, Hezbollah members everyone in Lebanon believes that that. The majority of people believe that Kennedy was assassinated at because he was starting to pull away from supporting the Syrian regime who'd had troops stationed in Lebanon nearly thirty years all the way through the civil war and afterwards, and of course, we now know that Hezbollah very heavily H. Two zero. But this was all just sort of starting not link between Syria and Iran and Hezbollah but the main man was accused of being the ringleader. Organized the whole nation is most of that that the WHO was very well known as the head of the military wing of Hezbollah but he was killed in two, thousand sixteen and attacks Damascus Apple, which means he's no longer in the indictments and he was the only person. It was very easy to direct the link because there was evidence that he walls a top commander in. Bola. So I, the that means that it's very unlikely has itself will be named in the verdict today it will simply be. These men and then these men haven't been found the Lebanese government has been able to find. Her Bella is a big portion Lebanese government and the chief of Hezbollah nationalize long maintained that he absolutely does not see any of independence in this inquiry he says that it's funded by Israel and he says that there is no way that they will ever hand over these suspects old they will ever be found and historic has very good at hiding its top guys who've been involved in operations in. Lebanon in Syria and even Iran many think that these four worship over to Iran. So even if that comes through in the verdict is guilty as we expect, there's not really going to be any justice indeed has on Rolla said that Hezbollah isn't worried or isn't remotely concerned with today's verdicts but what will the repercussions be? The repercussions are unlikely to be much at this point, and that's for a few reasons I, Ne- as I said standing outside the. Hotel, which at the time in two, thousand and five win this thousand kilograms of TNT when pages devastating crater in the middle of the road and destroying all the buildings around loons lodge in the public consciousness here you there had been assassinations in the years off the list of this by the largest active. So many people because whoever was responsible really wasn't taking any chances and it was enormous copy. And other than the two thousand, six war with Israel, which was very different because it's a war in terms of an explosion going off in a very recognizable. Popular Ponte. out of nowhere that was the one that was remembered. Of course, until two weeks ago, two, thousand, seven, hundred and fifty tons of ammonium nitrate. In the port, just a few hundred meters down the road from this hotel. Injuring seven thousand people or more chilling up to two hundred, and still don't have a full body copy. What is still missing Susan now is far more would have. Done that assassination the other thing is that at the time, it was very shocking that people. Had Eighty was really associated with post for Lebanon. He was the symbol of course will Lebanon deeply loved by international leaders around the world as well as many Lebanese and so the idea that the Syrian regime would dad's kill him has would dare to kill him with. So shocking even though of course, assassinations were quite common but he was he was such. An important figure now firstly, since then of course, we've seen brushing Alaska wage a almost decade long bloody war against his own citizens in Syria we've seen very clearly now those strong legs between Hezbollah Syria and Iran Hezbollah work soldiers full bachelor says regime in the civil war in Syria. So nobody would be remote. You surprised now that that they all responsible. And the other issue of course is the fact that. Sad had eighty I think Kennedy some kind of stepped in his stead very much because he was the son and that's why he was given so much faith especially young age and has become such an important figure in politics here. But in the last year, we've seen a rudy seismic shift in Lebanese. Politics. People say that happens every fifteen years the lost round with two, thousand, five, thousand, and six before the civil war ended in one, thousand, nine, hundred before about. It started in nineteen, seventy five, and now of two, thousand, one, thousand, nine, hundred, twenty weeks but newest protest movement Saudi the is very much seen as one of those political elites people out. So the younger generation at least don't have that same attachment to the family and time to seeing them as such an important force a good and for future movements, which is what that party is called Ford Movement in Lebanon So really this bird apartment, of course for the families. Of those killed and injured is not really going to have that much of an impact with so much else going on right now.
Monocle 24: The Globalist
Lebanon's entire government resigns amid anger over Beirut explosion
"A week after a massive explosion to. All parts of the Lebanese city of Beirut. Apart, the entire government has resigned the massive blast was caused whenever two thousand tons of ammonium nitrate which had been stored unsafely at the port for six years exploded killing over two hundred people injuring more than six thousand and leaving hundreds of thousands homeless over the weekend residents of Beirut demonstrated against the government calling for the removal of the entire political class due to their negligence and corruption. Joining us once again from Beirut is Layla Milana Allen Leyla when we spoke to you yesterday, five politicians had resigned so far. Tell us about the announcement made last night by the prime minister. So what we saw yesterday and the evening before session, all government ministers resigning. We also saw several NPR's goes well, Megyn went from protesters. Here we go one by one this many left to go. and. Then there was the resignation of the finance minister as he wasn't he just before that meeting that was supposed to in the afternoon that cabinet meeting in which prime minister the APP had said that he was going to a table a motion. To try and have the elections is at the State Petunia. So. How's it wasn't said that he would suspend his his resignation until off the meeting they went in and they spent two thousand not room. Getting. Rumors from quite early on in fact, the entire government was going to resign because there were two ways that this could happen. Either has MD could resign himself or if more than a third of his ministers resigned, that would make his cabinet untenable already looking at five. So essentially, just two more and they were already two minutes to said before they went through, they would resign if the government didn't as Walter a couple of hours they came out and those announcement saying that he would speak in the evening. And when he did speak, he came forward and he said. That they had tried their best to be transparent tried to Rama transparent government. She's January failed to impose some of the reforms that Lebanon. So desperately needed but endemic corruption in the government had made it impossible to do so had caused this tragedy. Now, of course, many people don't feel that's the case they feel that the government was not run transparently at all. Or none of the reforms that has promised January. Would be done in six months word done within six months, and of course we now know. That both the president and the prime. minister. WED Two thousand, seven, hundred and fifty tons of money not great was in the Port as worse excessive government none of them do anything about it. So the government's gone but is going to be a change in the system will the same sectarian politics driving the unrest still exist? Not at the moment now, sectarian politics is really driving some rest. There are a few elements here. Firstly, the the problem with the government system is not that it's impossible to run because the country says sectarian, it's the it's impossible to have a government which allows the country to not be sectarian young people on the streets is saying that's not what they want. They want to country that will come together and work together where people are elected based on their merit not based on what sector they come from but because the political system is original on these lines where each sect gets a certain number of seats innocent area firstly, it's impossible to have that kind of government that is responsible for the entire country doesn't have. Interest in certain places, and secondly, it means only a certain kind of person can be elected because there is such entrenched nepotism in politics and you need the money and connections to be able to run and succeed. So right now, what's going to happen is that as we saw late last year when Prime Minister I've had resigned, the current government will stay on in a Catholic capacity. There's not much they can do in that capacity they will meet rally and they will only be able to put in bills or emergency bills to keep the country going, of course, Lebanon ready needed proper legislation to come in and change things before this explosion now, really function of government. To get things moving the country who built and help people that's not going to happen under a caretaker government but the system is so complex in terms of trying to elect a new prime minister different block in Palm. As I say, these different sectarian blocks have to agree on the candidates and then he has to find a cabinet that pleases all of this -Tarian blocks each of whom will want their own cows come in that. Again, what we're going to see in the coming weeks is this political game. All aimed at making the right formation balance of people in power rob. Then a government trudy is just focused on what is best for the Lebanese people purchase street saying this is the same old system. Nothing's going to change a new election won't help us. Cabinet won't help us. We need a complete overhaul of its system which has dragging us down and letting the country move forward.
Monocle 24: The Briefing
beirut explosion latest news
"Some exercises in perspective the IRA bomb which severely damaged Canary Wharf in London in Nineteen ninety-six was estimated at just over one ton of ammonium nitrate Timothy McVeigh's bomb which demolished a federal government building in Oklahoma City in nineteen ninety-five was just over two tons of the same material. The boss which erupted in Beirut's port on Tuesday was estimated at two. Thousand seven hundred and fifty tons of ammonium nitrate. One of the biggest peacetime non nuclear explosions in history as Bhai. Route begins the barely imaginable task of cleaning up and is understandably enough growing tear gas was fired yesterday at protesters near the parliament building I'm joined. Now by Lila Milana, Allen France twenty four's correspondent in Beirut Leyla. First of all, you have been visiting the port which was the epicenter of the explosion. I can't begin to imagine where you would even describe such scene but I'm going to ask you to have a crack at doing that the scene is as you say, almost indescribable does smoke still rising from the charred MBA's off. Destroyed packing crates destroyed shelving and it says every kind of. Utility things you'd expect to see in shops. Twisted. Washing machines on the floor items from pharmacies because this of course port, this is the one thirty functional in Lebanon imposed everything and everything was stored than in the center. You have the remains of these enormous grain silos that carried the grain for the majority of the country completely destroyed and parts of them. Still collapsing there you have a aid workers desperately trying to dig people of rubble that's thirty meters deep, and the conditions are horrific temperatures of thirty degrees baking hot sun. The air is thick and brown the smell acrid burning metal and plastic. It really is post-apocalyptic and this goes on for over a mile. Entire poor is just smoking twisted metal and daybreak. Nash. have. You got a clear sense of how widespread the damage across Beirutis. How far can you go from the blast without seeing broken windows? So it. was about nine kilometers where we're still doing things like breaking windows the impact of it and having people. That's it really has spread incredibly far, and it's an uneven spread as well because. What's happened is that the grain ciders positioned in a certain way which meant that it protected half of the city of West Beirut, which historically has in many disasters. Conflicts actually born the brunt of of problems in Beirut and actually deflected the majority of the blast towards the East and the south, which is why a famous areas like Gymnasium Ohio Asha fear completely The buildings there obliterated and one of the concerns now is a lot of. Buildings the older buildings in Beirut the few buildings left in the east of in pre-civil war, which were much loved already, quite delicate on the point of collapse yesterday as people were trying to clear the streets constantly civil defense volunteers trying to pull people back away from these buildings with balconies hanging down stone starting to crumble because of course, that's a huge dangerous. People are still sifting through rubble trying to find loved ones that buildings could. New Buildings that had not yet collapsed could collapse on top of the other issue is that the new builds a lot of them are concrete and speaking to an engineer what can happen with concrete is that with a shockwave blast like this concrete cracks easily under pressure and so that can be in tunnel cracks there that you don't know about in can't be seen from the outside, but the make the building unstable and because there's really been. Very, little help from the government with people trying to go back into their homes, clear up and see what they can retrieve and whether their homes are still livable. Many people going back into very unstable buildings and some living there because they have no other former shelter. So a real risk of further injury as buildings might potentially collapse over the next few days very similar to the aftermath of an earthquake, which is what this is compared to. A among the people who was serving the damage in Beirut yesterday was of course, President Emmanuel Macron of France undertaking a extraordinary spontaneous visit. How is that being received? I mean, it's it's understandable enough that Lebanese politicians don't want to interact at a personal level with the public at the not only for their own safety but is it being regarded as strange that the first high profile politician to to take a walkabout should be the president of an entirely different country? Well, it is strange, but it's not being regarded as strange. I was down on the street yesterday when McCone was was walking through glad-handing the crowd I mean, he really was you know playing up to it and was supposed to be going to Baabda Palace, the Presidential Palace to meet with politicians and delayed that for an extra hour on the schedule to stay with Lebanese people in the streets of course, playing up very much. The fact that he was there to see them he'd said before the visit my main priorities to go and be with the people of Lebanon. And extend, solidarity's to them, and then after that I will be dealing with the political varieties speaking to them. So in the streets, he was absolutely mobbed by people he's hugging people shaking hands with them people coming up tim saying, please don't give those politicians any money that corrupt criminals we don't trust them and he responded to one woman I know you don't trust them graffiti everywhere saying don't give one. Euro. To those Michael help us. So he really did make himself as I say a man of the people yesterday I spoke to a couple of young women afterwards. WHO said to me? That man was more of a leader to us in fifteen minutes than any of our politicians have been where all day no one has come to see us where are they wears the help and later in the day after a lot of commentary that. The. Obviously. Lebanese politicians feeding quite shamefaced one. The justice minister did come down to the streets to try and speak to people clearing up and she had water thrown in her face and chanting protest. Immediately, they're not welcome and that people absolutely fading that the government has no interest in safety in their health in their wellbeing and their ability to rebuild hiding away from them as everybody marshals together to try and get things. Back to nothing like normal but something livable at least just to follow that up finally, regular listeners may recall that you and I were speaking on Monday talking about the resignation of Lebanon's foreign minister and that seemed like a pretty big story at the time He's probably ruin his timing at this point but have you seen or heard anything in terms of actual messaging attempts to help or anything from the alleged government of Lebanon or d you kind of assume that they've all got to the point where they just realized the games up nobody really wants to hear from them anymore. It's quite extraordinary. There is honesty nothing happening in terms of that what the government is doing a lot of finger pointing at each other and previous administrations about who's to blame for this they've put everybody associated with the report under house arrest and saying that they're going to find the perpetrators. But of course, everybody's saying somebody else's the perpetrator on what we know so far it seems that for six years has been ongoing negligence at the highest. Level where a several reports were were built up by the head of the port and have customs sent to the government center the Prime Minister's Office the judiciary about the fact that this was a ticking time bomb and something has to be done completely ignored. So the government is going on about this investigation saying they'll find responsible meanwhile three hundred, thousand people in Beirut homeless, five, thousand injured hundreds still missing, and honestly all you can see on the streets is volunteers. The. Lebanese. breath volunteers, obviously with their ambulances civil defence wanting tears, young people armed with spades and rooms marching down the street just going into people's homes into buildings and sweeping up what they can and moving onto the next one cleaning up themselves. They all said to me of course not here we wouldn't expect anything else from them with the only people who can help ourselves and today international aid. Groups coming in different countries, sending their own firefighters medical support in, and still a complete absence of the Lebanese government anywhere except the poor area learn Milana Allen in Beirut thank you very much for joining us.
Monocle 24: The Foreign Desk
Lebanon: Economic Meltdown Leaves Country on the Brink of Collapse
"Hello and welcome to the foreign desk I'm Andrew. Mullah guests today, Lena Katina and Layla. Milana Allen Lena Katina is the director of the Middle East and North Africa program at Chatham House and Layla Moulana. Allen is France twenty four's correspondent in Beirut. Welcome both to the program Leyla. I'll start with you in Lebanon if one was to take a stroll through by route right now today. What indications would you see of the problems? Lebanon is having. Closed shops and bars people inside shops, doing things like asking the cashier to stop touching items when they get to a certain price on the phone to their partners, trying to figure out how many items they can afford to buy their no prices now on items in most shots because they're changing every day, people still queuing outside banks trying to get them money. People going through bins of his point trying to find food, I don't want to state situation. You know we're not chaos yet. Some people have been saying, but it is very very clear that the situation is getting increasingly discover people. Very consent.
Monocle 24: The Briefing
Milan Furniture Fair postponed due to coronavirus
"No organizers of the SELENA demobilized Milan furniture fair the largest trade fair of its kind in the world said they ought to postpone the fifty ninth edition of the Annual Event. Geeta fears over the corona virus. Italy has reported the highest number of cases outside of China and South Korea. So let's get more on this with Monaco's design editor Nolan Gels Nolan. Thanks for coming in this event itself. Where does it sit within the design industry? And what's its importance internationally? Yeah I think It's more than just design. It's it's furniture. It's kind of it impacts so many industries architecture obviously development. I mean if your for example planning to open a hotel in New York this year you're going to be going to mobilize to look at the furniture with which you're going to place the order so it's it basically is it affects anything to do with Vernon internationally. Yeah but basically. You're not because it's not happening exactly what is happening. Is June be importance of the Asian and particularly the Chinese audience at this event is huge? I mean they have a very big impact on the industry. Yeah I think In regard to Chinese visitors the Italian brands in particular. That really are the power play is behind this event that they're releasing their new furniture every April that really aiming to target this audience. So even you know months ago when when everything was really kicking off with Corona virus there was talk of of what would happen in Milan. What would happen to this event Just because that's such a significant market for for these brands and just the loss of those. I think it was thirty thousand. Eight of the four hundred fifty thousand people that came to Milan last year came directly from China. Just the loss of alone was big enough and now the fact that it's just clearly unsafe to be Milana this time of year the fact we were just doing trump business correspondent and talking about supply global supply and I mean the disruption that this delay will cause on on the on the chain within the furniture. Industry must be significant. It's amazing and it kind of speaks to in a way how backwards the furniture industry can be a kind of its model to self recently in recent years to the same in a similar way to the fashion industry only they releasing products once a year. But but I mean really. You don't need to buy a new table every year but it's it's become a kind of a seasonal thing so essentially people will come to Milan in April. There make their orders and then they'll the orders will shape in June July. And you know. The whole industry is geared towards this one event. So it will it will completely disrupt. I guess anything related to new furniture purchasing across the world and of course they must be an impact on Milan itself and the city's economy. Yes so the. The events actually divided into two segments. That there's the big trade fair outside of the city but then the component that takes place in the city which Monaco gets involved with every year is really a celebration of design and involves everyone from motor companies like Yang di to Sony. All of these international brands really coming into Milan to showcase what their view on designers and champion it it attracts. You know like performance half a million people to come and be part of the city. Every single hotel is booked up and it was quite interesting. The mayor of Milan came out with a statement today. Saying you know we need to be careful when we're redoing salon mobely in June two not pitch pitcher in a kind of a way where we overpricing hotels. Because it's it's one of the problems that event already has is that things are too expensive in the city so in a way they'll they'll learn some valuable lessons from this. Experience is absolutely and he also said that he said we need to work objectively to stop the virus spreading but we must also take care not to spread the virus of distrust and that that was that was really interesting that in fact it isn't cancelled together just postponed. What's the value of that? Is that in fact to smarter. Move to say we will come back in June. I mean we don't know that the virus will be gone by Italian move. Isn't it the the? There's a lot of confidence there. And if you look at the some of the social media posts that they've come out with this morning there really you know flying the flag that Selena de Mowbray still the most important design event. You still want to come to Milan. You still want to come to Italy and experience and we were just talking about it before I mean June in Milan. Bad Place to be anyway. I mean I think you and I were both there in April last year and it was pretty miserable. The weather so I think we could make a significant contribution to the Gelato and the shops and the bars and a little bit later on the end are more than happy to go back and do nothing giles. Thank you very much
BrainStuff
What Determines Your Hair Color?
"A brain stuff? It's Christian. I in Sagar. Sometimes you're right in the middle of cleaning up the drain in the shower. And you start pondering questions like. Why is my hair color different color from my mom's tair or my neighbors hair or my roommate's disgusting Soggy Three Foot Long Wolf's tail drain Wad? What's the real difference between blond hair black hair red hair and everything in between well? The main structural ingredient in human hair is a protein called Carrington. It's what your hair and fingernails are made of but also what's behind the Silky Sheen of wool bear claws and horse hooves. Mom Don't you just want to run your fingers through those Hove's but Carrington on its own is not very colorful and if all humans had in our hair was Carrollton Harrison. We'd look like eighteenth century. French aristocrats in powdered wigs. Because we'd all have the same sort of white colorless hair but at Carrington is not the only ingredient in human hair to create natural color. You need to add pigment. This is done by cells in the skin called Milan ascites lights. These MILANA sites create the natural pigment known as Melanin and deliver it to the cells that create the Karen for your hair and this melanin comes in two varieties varieties you melanin and feel melanin. You Melanin dark pigment. That gives hair brown or black color. Feel Melanin in is a lighter. Pigment that gives Harry Red Orange or yellowish color. Both of these are present in varying degrees. A person might have had a little of each or a a lot of one in almost none of the other so someone with black or dark brown hair probably has a lot of you. Mellon a redhead has a lot of feel melon ellen and blondes. Well they don't have very much of either one so what happens when we get older
Tai Asks Why
Ask Tai Why: Freckles, Video Games, and Climate-Changing Farts
"Got questions. I've got answers as the high high end to play the message press two how I'm saying I tell me. How did I get them. How did you get your freckles got a good one so our skin. Has This stuff called. Melanin and basically freckles are just little dots. A melon melon is light absorbing pigment and helps us protect the skin Dan from the sun's harmful uv rays by the reflecting or absorbing and just dealing with this radiation so when you have a ten as the the Melanin acting up doing its thing to protect you from the Sun. Some people have more some people less and that's just how the body works people who are Pale have less melon elden and that's why they tend to burn Tan. We have these skin cells called Melena sites which is where Mellon is made freckles happen. When these Milana insights they just got a little hyperactive create. These really concentrated clusters. Melanin like a ten but just a single dot boop she got them by. I being exposed to the sun at some point of your life and having particular Milana sites go a little overboard on the protection to go to the next message press six. I signed my name is Henry and why are video games so finally thank you. Why are video games so violent. I I think people just I want to try to do things that they wouldn't be able to do. Normally so since you know. I'm not really necessarily surly good to give an opinion because I'm a little bit partial because I play video games myself so with me someone a little bit more impartial impartial Douglas John he'll food. A lot of people believe that we have these urges that there's you know they're there and we need to get them out. <HES> IT turns out. That's not actually true. I'm Dr Dr Douglas Genteel. I'm going to try and psychologist and professor of psychology and I stayed university to I've been studying the effects of media on children especially video video games since nineteen ninety s if we think about what has helped you survive across tens tens of thousands of years part of it is being alert for danger and and so when ever fight breaks out in the school the first thing everyone does is turn to look and that's actually correct first reaction because if rapes out you might need to get involved with it you might need to get away from it but either way to figure that out you have to look at it and so violence makes us look and so it keeps our attention and of course a game designer wants you to stay involved in the game so violence is one way to kind of. Hook our attention and this is why there's not only so much violence in video games but also in television and movies <music> to go to the next message press six high tiny name name is Alex. I'm calling from Halifax Nova Scotia and my question is our changing climate are far changing the climate art well. That's very interesting because our farts. I'd say that are farts. Are they're pretty good. You know we've done pretty good keeping them limited. Sometimes we'd eat too many beans but I think we're keeping it under control. I read this thing. The big thing thing is that it's not our farts. It's cow farts. Don't know much more than that so I'm gonNA. Give this over to our. RCB meteorologist in science reporter Joanna Wag Staff Joanna Arts Short answer is yes far are are actually changing the climate mammals have always been farting in Bahrain and releasing methane but it's it's really cows that are the big game changers when it comes to global warming right now. There are so many cows around the world there are <music> over one billion cows all farting and burping this methane gas and methane is a greenhouse gas. You've probably heard of CO two or carbon. Dioxide side is being a greenhouse gas which basically axes a big blanket around earth warms. Our planet up and methane is an even bigger greenhouse gas than co due to <hes>. We don't have as much of it in the <hes> in the atmosphere but NASA estimates since the turn of the century methane gas emissions have increased by a hundred and fifty percent and that's because we're using cows in different ways. We're concentrating them in areas for beef and for milk and it's the sheer number of them concentrated in one area. That's leading to this massive increase in methane. Actually it's not just the cow farts that contribute to the release of methane cow burps. Actually we have more methane in it so when cows are digesting through their four different stomachs and the byproduct methane a lot of it gets worked out at the beginning rather rather than at the end but both of the berks counterparts are contributing to the warming that we're seeing around the planet right now
The Pulse
The Skinny on Skin
"Feed it. Absolutely the better eight understands its insatiable. That story was reported by breadth Dahlberg from W X, X radio in Rochester, New York. The fact that unions have different skin colors is due to a pigment called melanin. It's produced in cells called Milana sites, which located in the epidermis that top layer of the skin dermatologist and Nisha Patel loves talking about pigments. And this is really interesting. It's not the number of pigment cells you have, but it's the size and how active they are. So I'm Indian I have Brown skin. But I have the same number of pigment cells as Caucasian person. It's just that my Melena sites are larger and more active and produce larger pigment granules pigment granules are little pieces of color, and when when somebody is getting ten what's happening with the pigments. So tanning is your body's response to UV exposure. So your body is trying to protect that basil layer. So the basal layer of your epidermis is. Is there replicating layer? And so when you have you vehic Spicer, the pigment cells, the Milan sites, make extra pigment and deposit them in the basal layer. So if you look at someone who was recently in the sun under the microscope, you'll see all their little basil layer skin cells will have little caps of pigment over the nuclei. That's your your body's trying to protect the DNA of your basil there by putting pigment on top of it. So it's almost putting a hat on it. Yeah. It literally looks like a little hat of pigment on top of the DNA in those those replicating skin cells, and then it's with over exposure of UV and all that replication than your DNA ends up being altered, and that's how you end up with with skin cancer there. His tanning this is why I if you see any dermatologist where all like very pale because we don't want to tan because we know that that's a sign of of skin. Damage. I have no skin is. So smart. I know it's it's a very clever response. And do you know how a tan starts to fade a Nisha says those little pigment caps come into play with that too. As the caps of pigment over the DNA realize that it's safe, and they kind
Vacation with The Griswolds
President, Melanie and North Bend discussed on Vacation with The Griswolds
"Oh seven twenty five social media was a buzz after president trump welcome to the first lady melania trump home from the hospital yesterday by misspelling her name in a tweet us build milana's name is melanie though some pointed out that could have been the result of autocorrect getting it wrong the first lady did return to the white house after kidney surgery last monday that tweet was quickly deleted the following tweet did not have a typo it said quote great to have our incredible first lady back home in the white house malania is feeling and doing really well thank you for all of your prayers and best wishes in washington state officials confirm that one person was killed by a mountain lion to mountain bikers attacked yesterday morning near north bend which is about thirty miles east of seattle police say one biker was killed the other taken to a hospital with very serious injuries and wildlife officials say they're searching for the cougar the last fatal mountain lion attacking the us happened in two thousand eight in new mexico and the toys been around since it hit the shelves in nineteen fiftysix but now maker of it has bro is trademarking these smell of plato the company announcing that the us patent and trademark office has officially recognized the distinctive plato smell as a registered trademark of the brand a senior vp.
BBC World Service
The Latest: Nobel laureate Malala returns to Pakistan home
"Winner must be sworn in within twenty four hours of his declaration whoever he is he has a divided nation to reunites the nobel laureates milana yousef zeh has returned to her hometown in pakistan's swat valley for the first time since she was shot there by islamist militants six years ago it wasn't clear whether should be able to visit the area because of security he consents malala is on her first trip back to pakistan and has said she wants to return permanently once she completes degree at oxford university in britain she said she had no immediate political ambitions and was happy with the work carried out by her charity hundreds of people have taken to the streets of the california state capital for a fourth night of protest over the police killing of an unarmed black american the crowd gathered outside sacramento city hall before merging towards the state capitol building demonstrators chanted the name of stefan clark as well as those of other victims of police shootings an independent topsy on the body of the twenty two year old found that seven of his eight gunshot wounds were in the back or the side contradicting the police account that he was shot because he was moving towards them live from london you're listening to the latest world news from the bbc the head of the international olympic committee thomas bach said the north korean leader kim jong un is committed to sending a team to the tokyo olympic games in two years time speaking after talks in pyongyang mr bark said the ioc will propose that athletes from the north and south korea should march together now the games the main opposition party in the democratic republic of congo the udps has chosen its new leader and presidential candidate in the delayed elections now scheduled to take place in december he is felix tshisekedi.