35 Burst results for "Midlife"
From Australia to Canada, how Indigenous people are coping with isolation one year into the pandemic
"It has been almost a year since the covid. Nineteen outbreak was declared a pandemic. it's an anniversary. I'm sure many of us are not too happy to celebrate. This year has been a real challenge in the pandemic has fundamentally changed our lives but many folks have found ways to not let isolation get the best of them. I know so many people out there all around the north. Were ready to support you. I think a good storyteller reminds you that all storms pass. We've been here before but we can help to route at resilience and make them more aware of how strong young folks are this week. Unreserved how indigenous people are turning to digital communities storytelling and culture feel connected to squash those isolation blues cleo denny writer richard van camp has essentially been on a one book a year pace for two decades his latest called gathered share some secrets to great storytelling and it includes seven stories. Elders from his community have shared with him. Richard is here with us now to talk about his new book and how storytelling can help fight and banished loneliness especially during this pandemic. he joins me now from edmonton. Welcome back to the show. Richard musi cho- feeling sal. My see my friends thank you. So let's party. yes let's party. So can you tell us about your latest book gather. Oh thank you. Must he chose so. Gather really an exploration of my journey as a storyteller. For those of you. Who don't know my name. Is richard van camp. I m c show denny. I was born and raised in fort. Smith northwest territories treaty. Eight country goes born in nineteen. Seventy one and i was raised in a town. It was. It's the maty capital of the northwest territories if it's paradise schwartzman throws territories officially quadri-lingual so bush cre- dna a french and english spoken at any given time. And when i graduated from high school i ran. I went from hero to zero. Because i had no idea what i wanted to do. No idea at all. I wanted to be a break dancer. I wanted to be a minjah. i was nineteen. I had a mullet. Some pinch hickeys. And i actually had a real existential crisis. I had a midlife crisis at nineteen. Cause i was like what am i gonna do. Who am i supposed to be. And i saw that. They were looking for drivers for the handy bus. They were looking for volunteers. And when i saw that on the green screen in fort smith northwest actors. The bango channel. I realized that that was what i was going to do. I was going to volunteer. I'll start driving the elders around. Because i was a really good canadian. Really good treaty indian. I was a really good person. I was a former. But i was a really poor ki- chou denny. I didn't know anything about our language. I knew a little bit of butter culture through our mother. But you know i was so busy having fun growing up by what i realized when i showed up to begin my apprenticeship as a handy bus driver in fort smith northwest territories to the matriarchs to the lighthouses to the mama. Bear's portsmouth arthritis territories. And i'm talking about irene centers. Dora toronto seraphine evans. Emilia gate tricks. I'm talking about the sweethearts of our community. They could see right away. That i was a really hollow indigenous person culturally and that i was searching and they took me under their wings and it was bingo runs. Hospital runs medical runs. It was trips to cancers in the northern store and trips to the landslide to watch the pelicans return it was through those driving shuttling and careering the royalty of our community wherever they wanted to be that they started sharing their stories with me so gather is really about what i learned. The smartest thing. I ever did belan was i realized a few months into apprenticeship as the handy bus driver. Fort smith risk territories. No one was recording our elders. Nobody because the mistake we make as we think everybody is going to be here forever. And so i remember explicitly having this. Oh my god. If i don't record our elders and get these stories downs. I think we're going to. We're not gonna have this opportunity my message with gatherings. Don't wait to record your heroes. Honor them now.
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mastery
"Yes and with manage seems to be. You know it's another day. You know i was in my forties. I'm in my fifties My my life hasn't changed is much perhaps So as a as a consequence it seems like Many women are much more engaged in midlife and focused on creating a fabulous midlife whereas the guys seem quieter and just an observation. That's based on social media mostly but you can change that. Because i mean you know preaching to the choir i know but yeah i mean i. I know a lot of people were midlife. And and loving it and having a great time and but like we started. This conversation with there doesn't seem to be a lot of instruction and so much of it does seem to be about getting intentional about it and really seeing the gifts in it And maybe some days. Those gifts are hard to see. Just because we're in our habits of who used to be versus and trying to redefine who who wanna be who could be What seems like a a a fairly good place to to wrap up here. I'm so i. I guess final question for you here is just actually. I have a couple of final questions but but we'll go with this one. I what advice would you. Would you have someone who who's listening to this. And going yeah. I'm ready for change. This makes sense to me. Where do they get started. Yeah journal. That's where i would start. Okay i i recommend journaling to everybody do what we call thought. put out like so. I know i've heard lots of people. Tommy they hate journaling because of time. But i a lot of people are afraid people are going to read what they right so you don't have to keep it you can throw it away. You burn it whatever but a process of taking the thoughts out of your head and putting him on paper in writing them. There's something that it gives you clarity. You can go back and say oh my gosh i was thinking that like so i i always recommend you know. The first thing to do is start doing that. Downloads in a journal on a daily basis. You know you could just just a couple things in like if you don't wanna do the whole thought download Start by doing three. The trinity thoughts Something that you're proud of for women. It's hard because we're kind of taught not to be proud of our things so like something that you're proud of something that you're grateful which is different than pride it's like. You're truly grateful that the weather was awesome. Or you're truly grateful. You know we had a great day. Whatever and then what do you desire. There's three thoughts you know if you just did those on on a daily basis today. I'm proud that. I run a blog article today. I'm grateful that i got to talk to you. This is really fun and I desire to learn spanish. And heck i'm gonna keep plugging away at it. You know like that kind of change your brain to like look for things that.
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mastery
"I love that in a i totally committed to that in like my reasons in early shouldn't matter so shouldn't matter yes. Just just thinking through Like i say this evolution and yes we we should be able to just put other people's thoughts on hold in some days that's Easier than than others days and let let me ask. Is there a typical client. That shows up in your world or is there a common theme that runs through. You know the people that that come to work with you to really create this amazing second half just not me. It's usually not the person that that is exactly like me. So it's been fired like it's been challenging. Sometimes that i've had a couple of women. Edward newly divorced. And you know. I can't actually relate to what they're physically going through but i can't help. I can help them by showing them their mind. I can help them by showing them that thought serving them it can help them create thoughts. I don't create them for them. They create thoughts. So i've had that in You empty nesters. I mean just like you would think you know you know women that are like thinking about starting something new or like little worried about what their life's gonna look like you know when the kids are gone in there alone in the house with their husbands is into retired you know like i don't know That just seems to be what. I what i attract a i. I haven't coached men. I'm not opposed to it but You know. I like to coach people that are kind of in the same boat. Kinda like i. I like to coach from. La i've been there before. I tell you this it's kind of interesting in. I'm speaking from just the barest of anecdotal evidence Just as i look around women in midlife seem to have a different approach than men in midlife and in in a way that the kind of surprised me and obviously this isn't all women and it's not all bad so i don't track did over. Generalize stereotype but there does seem to be this kind of moments. I think perhaps and you can tell me if i'm on track or not but it's almost like it is more of a career point of it's time to reinvent. Kids are out of the house. Kinda wondering you know what to do with time Actually maybe for the first time in in life being able to focus on self vs on others..
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mastery
"It doesn't always have to be about business. Although what i always business business-focused but you know some people learn new things like i don't know like my dad. Learn how to use Ham radio when the puerto rico Hurricane hatton be sent him to the puerto. Rico offer the ham radio so like kidney anything just anything like this idea of identifying the the obstacle thought. Because it's so easy to get so know to get fired up about this future self. Who i'm going to be in completely ignore the reality of right but i still have my life in my circumstances in my habits and every i mean because we know that our lives are perfectly one hundred percent set up to support who we are right now today. I mean if they weren't we'd be something else someone else So that strikes me as being pretty powerful to be able to identify that in advance and already have a plan to deal with it. Abbott speaking of a obstacle thoughts other people are familiar with who they think we are as well and so when we start making those changes particularly when we're not teenagers anymore and when life is fairly stable. What's been your approach to to helping people deal with otherwise well meaning friends and family who are really comfortable with who we are not who were evolving to be. My favorite thought on that is other people's opinion of me is none of my business. That sounds harsh but it. It really is true. You know another thing. About other people's opinion they're really not thinking about you. They're only judging themselves in. You know sometimes what we assume other people are thinking about us. One is not true. They're not thinking that but it's what we fear is true about us so if our relatives think were crazy or let's say they just don't even say let's just say we're assuming may think we're crazy re actually fear that we are crazy. So that's why. Like when i start worrying about other people's opinion a bike. I probably not thinking about me and If they are it it's usually in relation to what they think about themselves. You know what i mean. It's like it's really not about me anyway. And then if i really have confrontation about the direction in my life is going you know i tell them that. That's their thoughts that they need not mine. You know like a. I can't manipulate somebody to be in support of my choices. I have to love who. I am what i'm doing.
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mastery
"So we again explored that you know like why or you know. Oh i'm just not brave enough to travel across the country to go buy antiques. Why why why are you declaring that. You're not brave enough. He no But it may life. I guess you know. A lot of a lot of people assume that their health is going to decline. They're going to be bored. Oh we have so many family members this relief rates me out. We have so many family members that refused to retire. Because they're going to be bored. Ed they retire then they go back to work in. I can't get. I can't understand that i just i can't wrap my head around it if i was you know we were at a point. Where definitely financially only able to retire. We would not be bored without so much side. We look forward to that day that you know we don't. We're not wants to sit and watch tv either so like my mom always says well. I had awesome role models by the way my parents. My dad turns seventy they hike. They both have their interest. My mom's an awesome quilter. My dad has a million one hobbies. Like have you ever heard of the term multi potential. I know i love it. Tell me about should like that out. There's a girl named emily that did a tedtalk on it and people that have that have kind of floated through life from one thing to another see it as like a bad thing but when you look in hindsight you can see how everything has kind of built upon each other. You know in weird ways like it doesn't seem like the coffeehouse in the real estate in the antiques would go together. But i learned a lot about customer service in all of them like anyways. My dad is a multi Like he's done at all but a lot of people don't have that really model. You know like that role model that You know they don't. They don't have a lot of expectations. You know that that could be fine. An enjoyable will. That is a different way to think about it. Isn't it jeff. Just start asking in what could be done about in life. What could be enjoyable about in life. You what what i mean. We're talking about you know for the individual has what could be the gifts that midlife has brought me. I mean we're all in different places but it is certainly different. Focus than you know. Time to put my life on pause. Till i die which will have the same reaction but that does seem to be a fairly consistent message. I think throughout society You know even retirement being thought of as i guess you go sit in your chair all day. So you're going to be bored versus now. It's another stage another adventure different options. I also liked to throw out that. If you look hard enough you can find evidence of what you want to believe right. So i went searching for people that did what i wanna do with the second half my life in there are some like major people k the kentucky fried chicken guy colonel sanders. He didn't get his business going. I don't remember six until his sixty something like that..
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mastery
"Is five years from now or even at the end of this year and we talk about her. We talk about him. Like what are they doing. What what How are they feeling what's important to them. Who are they hanging around with. And what skill do you need to develop in the present time right now so that that future solve it will actually be experiencing what you wanna create. That makes sense it does. Why does that tend to tend to work better because we limit ourselves based on the past and a lot of times. There's a lot of limiting belief associated with failure and banks. That didn't go the way we plan. you know people are. I'll never get ahead or you know like those kind of thoughts. You're not to create from those thoughts right. You're not you're not going to create from that head. Space you have to create by visualizing what you want you know in the future. I don't know if i answered that. Well that i just really feel like sometimes when we live in the past. We can't envision a future certainly for for looking backwards. It's hard to look forward at the same time An it is easy to get anchored by the past and But they've taught what the pass has taught us to believe about herself So what do we do it too. 'cause i like thinking about the future like thinking about a better future but how do we. What's the next step. How do we help make that real versus just getting stuck in a in a fantasy world. There's lots of things that you can do. But really i always go back to thoughts like let's create thoughts that will serve your future. You know like if you believe that based on assessed say your grades in high school that you'd never be able to go back to college. How do you know that to be true base from basing it solely on the past so you just have to change No i don't. I don't say change your thoughts. I say be curious about him like question in that. Is that really true. Or is that something. I'm just like program. My mind in our mind is fascinating. Like i could talk for days about what goes on in our minds. I mean it's just blows me away but anything that we believe our mind is.
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mastery
"Ten fifteen years. I've tested out like it seriously helped me in every area. My life relationships you know things that used to get upset about I i see now like the way i think about it in the way it makes me feel the way i act usually doesn't give me the results i want all right. Let me just make sure. I have this right so starts with thoughts. Your thoughts create your feelings. Your feelings greet your actions. Your actions create your results. So if you're not getting the results you want you go upstream and change the thoughts right but we think The circumstances what makes us feel a certain way. We think i can't think of a good example but I don't know we. We think that were overweight. And so you know women will say. I'll never make my ideal way. Well yeah if you start feeling defeated in you. Start going to eat that chocolate cake instead of exercising. You're never going to lose that way. Right your weight is neutral. It doesn't make you feel any weights which you think about it. That makes sense does does so. So let's time this to the idea of living intentionally. 'cause i mean we're talking about like intentionally creating our identity and if you're going to focus on creating a different set of thoughts in order to get different feelings to take different actions get different results. let's see where. Where does one start if they wanna live intentionally. So when you're working with your clients and providing guidance Where do you begin while you start digging into what they really believe. What we believe is what we have thought habitually it so we have. They say you know. I don't know how they measure this. They say we have sixty thousand thoughts. A day in ninety percent of them are the ones that we had yesterday. So it's really easy to see. Start seeing patterns. See how they Sometimes it's e- it's just as easy. Just ask him how the how they feel. You know how you feeling in then we can figure out what thought is causing that feeling but to get really clear about What actually is going on in your mind at the moment you know in you know. I don't spend a whole lot of time. Your pass because i believe praying your future from your features way better but what let me start. They're creating your future from your future. I liked that. explain more. Okay this is one of my favorite topics we base on what. What's possible in our future based on what we have been able to do in our past. That's what typically people do. Sure my got me to today from today. I'm looking at my future. Basing on past results okay. Right but what if That is hindering. You from creating the future that you really want. So i helped my clients. Visualize.
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mastery
"I don't know it's like the world figures you haven't figured out or you're done and they don't need any more instruction and so but it's not really how i feel about my life like i'm not done and so i love. The idea of the best years are ahead. I'm horrified by the idea of peaking and you and you know just looking back on my glory days. I want my glory days to be had. So this is a really really long introduction to the question of from your perspective. What are the gifts of being midlife if you made it to this far. You know there's some downsides but there's down sides to any life stage so what are some of the gifts that come with hitting your fifties and beyond. Oh my gosh. you're so many there really is so many You know about your twenties and thirties. I mean it's almost like we're given guidebook like you said in everybody's really wanting to tell you how you should have your life right right and it's like when you and your kids leave home and you're an empty nester and you're basing retirement. A lot of people talk to you. Just feel like they're putting their being put out to pasture you know but i don't see that way at all. I've seen as a tonal gift of a financial freedom and you may not be rich but at this point you've figured out money is You have more money. Like i remember. My husband and i were first married and We he was in. The airforce rebounds bounced a check book in there like fifteen dollars left for two weeks and we get pizza. You know like we don't do stupid stuff like that anymore. You know like we. We've learned so there's financial freedom. There's time freedom. I mean at this point your life you know like terry that you interviewed last five cast you. You're wide open. You can do it to do at this point in your life but a lot of people just spend their time sad you.
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mastery
"People learn from and be able to share it so anyway if he would. That would be great shirt with those the you know who had benefit email it to them. Send them the link. Whatever and also let me know what you think. I love it when people reach out to me and say hey. That was podcast. Left hearing from that gas. Love that topic really really open to in wanting of your thoughts in feedback so anyway let's Let's go ahead and get started and toxic. Tiffany bit so welcome to mid life mastery. This of course brock edwards and today's guest is tiffany. Eckerd and tiffany Aren't us introduce yourself okay. Great My name is tiffany. Akron i am. I like to say. I am the master reinvention in. I am a certified life coach helping midlife. Women believes that their best years are ahead. So that's how. I spend my time. But i also have a lot of interest Gardening and fitness and wellness in. I tie all of that into what. I do astor of reinvention that now. That's a bold statement i love. I have a notebook of business cards. That i've had over the last fifty years. I have tried just about everything that came around. I had a drive through coffee shop I was a real. I home schooled. My children Senior iranian teak dealer. For almost ten years. I add my own store here in burton texas so i am really good at taking daring steps now. I don't always win. I fail a lot but that's okay. I mean that's what you're supposed to do right. You're still like learn from on things that didn't go perfect so how known when it was time for cage usually. It was pretty obvious. Real estate was a very painful. It was two thousand eight when the market crashed in spending more money advertising homes and selling homes and foreclosures were like short sales and all that stuff was what we we're getting and at one point my husband said you know. You just can't keep doing this right. He's usually vindication that. I need to stop his i. I'm pretty determined in headstrong. A want things to work out but you know in that situation. It was time. We'll ask the question a lot. Actually because i think it's only obvious. In retrospect barack. Beat because you never know. When is it. If i just hang in here for you know one more month. It's all coming together versus. It now would be a really good time to not be doing this anymore. And and i don't think there's any right answer. I i've asked a lot of people that because i'm curious myself in it. It's only in retrospect that you know it makes any sense at all. One of the things you mentioned. Is you know helping midlife. Women believe their best years are ahead. So so let's talk about midnight. I mean that's what this shows about. And i chose not quite arbitrarily to define midlife as kind of fifties sixties and beyond now mathematically. I know that few of us you know go one. Twenty-one thirty not really middle but it seems to be the time of life that it's it's ripe for reinvention and it's you know and there's not many resources that i found for like. How do you be a fifty year old. You know because. I turned fifty and in my twenties and thirties in my forties. There is all kinds of books and guides and instruction. You know my my daughter's college age now. My son's in high school they get a lot of guidance on how to be successful college student high school student that but you know it just seems like you kind of get to this point in your life and.
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mastery
"I don't know if you've caught the past several episodes or not but they're well worth checking out of the past. Three one of them is the most downloaded up midlife mastery and that's normalizing emotion with yogurt stamp phenomenal episode where we really get into some of the challenges middle aged people face around loneliness isolation lack of connection and even just feeling alone in our problems and what we can start doing about it but the episode. That's actually had gotten the most comments the most people just reaching out to me saying. Hey brock. i love. That episode was the last one we did find. What makes you happy as with terry. Murphy and terry is is not a consultant. He's not an author. He's just a normal guy who's in his sixties. He sold his business packed his life onto a bicycle and is currently touring around america and as he keeps going he'll expand and hopefully get over to europe and be able to cycle around europe as well and it's just such a great story and a great approach to life as he really talks about that idea of life short find. What makes you happy. Go do it. And now not everyone's about to sell their everything they own load up a bicycle and start peddling but the principles behind it. I think really resonate with a lot of people and it's also it's a great story i mean. How often do you get to meet someone who is doing just that. Who's living their dream and pursuing. What will make them happy. So anyway i really encourage you invite you to check out those episodes but for today we are talking with tiffany. Eckerd and tiffany really discusses the benefits of midlife talks about a framework for managing your mind and that applies in. What really everything that we're doing in or world's how we can create a future from our future now. That sounds a little bit weird but it makes sense when we talk about it. So i encourage you to get in there and dig in and figure out what that's about because it's so much different than trying to create a future from our past. We talk about rebooting our lives and also just the how and why of journaling as a first step in all of this. So i love. This conversation really really enjoyed it. And i think you will too as always if you would. Please leave a review on apple podcasts. Or wherever you listen to your podcast in helps other people find the podcast and other.
interview With Reconciliation Activist J. Christopher Collins
"Welcome to the midlife. Mix tape podcast. Jay christopher collins. I'm so pleased to have you here today. High nancy. thanks so much for having me well. Listeners will know that. I have taken a bit of a pause in doing the show at lost my mom in december If anybody has gone through a loss like that you know that it takes a little while for you to feel like yourself again. I'm not quite back yet. But i was kind of trusting that the universe would put a guest in front of me. That would make me wanna put the headphones back on and have another conversation. So when i read about your book chris as like. That's it that's that is the energy. I wanna start twenty twenty one with on. I'm excited to talk about your book. Mending are union healing communities through courageous conversations. Because that it's top of mind right now. But i chris the question we always ask on this show. What was your first concert in. What were the circumstances. My first concert was willie nelson willy nelson at stubb's barbecue in austin texas from austin right. Yeah i went to. I'm i'm from. Texas went to college. In austin and stubb's barbecue is on Is in downtown. And it's a great music. Venue added a young age introduced me to old country like willie nelson ernest. Tubb johnny cash. I definitely grew up with that old steel guitar country sound and while i was in college at saint edwards university in austin Willie plays in austin all the time. I called my dad and said hey well he's playing what you come down and logos. Am and he said okay came down. We went to the concert. Together was the first time i had been around my any of my parents with the smell of marijuana in the air that go it was it was good. It was fine another step into adulthood. I think that's right willies. Great i love one of the things i love about him is that he. It's obviously a family employment situation. He's got all his family members up playing with him. And i think it's so sweet like i think that might be a big part of the reason he makes music. There is a strong sense of joy. You can see in his eyes and his face when he's when he's up there he's he's one of the great legends of our time and Everyone in texas loves willy. And somehow he's been able to be this progressive voice a very conservative state supporting dennis kucinich bernie sanders for president yet Everyone across the political spectrum loves him and he somehow figured out something. I think we need to tap into something we can. we can learn from. We're gonna talk more about the way that people can bridge the gap that way but you do your work under the affiliation of glide memorial church which is a nationally recognized center for social justice in its dedicated to fighting systemic injustices creating pass way out of poverty in crisis and transforming lives what i love about glide though is it's the only church i know that it has conducted a youtube arrest which is based on the music of you to have you ever gone to that service. No that was before my time. But i know that That bano is a big fan of glide and cease a williamson generic. Tiny the founders. And i hear people reflect on those days but Unfortunately i was before i came around to glide well when concerts start again when band start. Touring again If you to comes to town. I'm guessing they'll come by glide and do another youtube grist so your book came out in january. It's called many are union healing communities through courageous conversations. And it's based on the work that you've done through a program called different together as mentioned as part of a part of the programming glide memorial church. So let's just start by hearing about different together. What is it and why did you decide to start. It will take you back to the days following the two thousand sixteen presidential election. Must you must start. That way is better than the two thousand twenty election go ahead. Donald trump had just been elected and I was shocked by the outcome and Also really realizing that. I was out of touch with tens of millions of people with americans who who voted for him despite all of the red flags that came up during his campaign and in those days following the election. I wanted to do something. I knew i needed to do something but i didn't know what that was and I was standing on the street and san francisco one afternoon and An older white woman approached me and said kind of under her breath. I do not say anything in this town. But i'm glad that he won. And i've resisted the temptation to be dismissive But i chose to go into this conversation. I said we'll why is that. And she said that the the election wasn't about race race issue isn't as bad as it was in the nineteen sixties and. I said well you know. It's not really up to us as white people to decide whether it's better or worse we need to listen to the people who experience it and see what they have to say and the conversation went back and forth for just a few moments and we parted ways and we wished each other well and it was really a pleasant conversation considering the topic but i walked away realizing that there is power in these connections and that there is power in disagreement in sharing different perspectives and challenging each other and i felt relieved that i was able to communicate with someone that i strongly disagreed with and wanted to do more of this so from that. Interaction was born the different together project at glide and we've been meeting regularly with conservatives both in the bay area and across the country since the beginning of twenty seventeen and it has transformed me the way that i view this topic the way i view other people as well as the people who who participate regularly in it
Have You Given Up On Your Dreams
"Two one and we're back. Juliette is our sunday show. It is the last day of the month the last day of the month of twenty twenty one. We've we've made it through so far one eleven under the belt where to go right so far no new plagues or pandemics or alien visitations or anything else crazy like we experienced last year. I have one thing in articles as bad. I bet you do so. Listen they normal Normal sunday warning still applies. This is not normal podcast. Yes this is real estate coaching radio. Yes you're listening to the number one daily real estate podcast roasted agents the nation. And no. we're not gonna talk about real estate today and the reason that we do our sunday podcast is because we want to help you guys realize the importance of always expanding your thinking always expanding what you think about that way you basically. Don't you know frankly become mentally complacent and the best way to keep your thinking and your ability to think about new concepts. Elastic is to intentionally. Put your way yourself in the way of frankly things you never normally think about. And that's what jillian i've done for years and so we sort of gravitate towards the bizarre facts and figures about life in general and yeah helped its causes. If you do this at least once a week where you're going to maybe just listen to our podcast right. Maybe it's just listing. This sunday podcast. Maybe this is your little reprieve from reality. And that's certainly fine but you'll find when you go back to thinking about the normal things of life that you are you might see lien. Oh things or maybe hiding in the shadows before. Maybe you're going to see a different slight different. Twist on an idea. Some problem that has been lingering longtime time assault it all comes from basically keeping your thinking elastic. Julie i i know you have some articles. I don't have any articles. But i had this happened. Probably i don't know three or four times last week. Were talking to somebody. And they're in their forties fifties and they're using this term in one version of another. And i thought it was fascinating because i'm seeing this frequency of people believing that this is actually a thing and i wanted to address it so that people can realize that This particular topic. That i thought of is not something. That's a sort of mandatory right of growing old and passage of time and the rest of it. And that's this midlife crisis consalvi yes. Yeah and i've seen that happening a lot. And i don't know why i don't know where this is coming from and i think it's probably there's some obviously i bet you. There's some current thing is to do it like a google search search to find out what the current like zeitgeist is. Whether there's a bunch of people that are talking about this or somehow this is in the news or something because that's normally how these types of thought waves happen but this whole concept of a midlife crisis angelina. I've talked about this before. And we've actually searched it for the book that we just published well to june's ago but we didn't end up actually having the content and i don't know do we have anything in there about midlife crisis in mindset and all that on not no. I don't think we did either but we did research we did and i think we got the sleep piece in there but we didn't get the talking. There's a lot of stuff that the publisher didn't want us to put in. Because they thought it was too far out of our wheelhouse edited out and they're probably right but this this topic in particular interest me. Because well i mean i guess age wise. If i'm lucky midlife right and by that. I mean i have another fifty years left. You know if. I think julie's same way right. So but it doesn't interest me for the sake of basically my own self interest in interest me for the sake of the fact that a lot of people are socialized to believe that when they reach a certain age that they have to almost say Almost like a social imperative an expectation that you become complacent and i think that's fascinating. That people aren't introspective enough to realize that's completely volunteering and not even remotely relevant to the the life that we live now and it's all to you up right so i think that there was very you know a physiological thing that was happening the happens naturally all this when we get to the point where we're probably in her forties in our fifties where we do have the sort of lizard brain reaction to reality that. Maybe we don't have the same impetus that we did when we were younger. But i do think that this emotion is rooted in psychology. I'm sorry rooted in physiology right because in in when you research forest is quite fascinating that it wasn't until relatively modern times that humans lived as long as we do. That's right. I mean despite what you guys might believe from all the horrible news Especially regards to pandemic and whatnot. People are living longer and longer but it wasn't that long ago. I i bet you when our grandparents probably even our when our parents were born the twentieth. Probably not what it is. I think close. I wonder how far back in history it was. The average life was like fifty five or something and they had been all may have been sixteen hundred fifteen hundred zero. I mean we'd have more modern. I bet it was like mid eighteen hundreds right and so what we're seeing is a lot of people that like you do. I do believe that your body is Sort of has a trigger in it. That makes it. Think that a certain age or after had so many lifecycles. If you wanna be really nervous about it that it starts to actually feel some sense of l- old software that sort of you know some degradation and some level exactly and but the thing is is with modern medicine and certainly with frankly accessed information like we have now. We don't have to actually allow that sort of innate feeling of irrelevance to dominate the stance was stances. We taken life with regards to anything physicality you know anything.
Take back your sexuality at midlife With Dr. Becky Lynn MD
"All right, guys, welcome back to the show today. I'm really really thrilled. I have doctor Becky Lynn with me. She is the CEO and founder of avory women's health and she's also an adjunct associate professor of Ob-Gyn at Saint Louis University in st. Louis. And today we are talking just kind of having a conversation surrounding midlife took a pass libido and sex what more fun could we have the most fun? So welcome to the show and tell me a little bit about yourself your background and how you got interested in particularly midlife Women's Health. Yeah. So I'm an OBGYN and I sort of knew that I wanted to go into women's healthy before I went to medical school. I did some research in women's health and I loved it, but I went into medical school with an open mind who knows what I'm going to like and ultimately came out the other end wanting to do women's home. And then within OBGYN, you know, I practiced after I finished my residency. I practiced just did routine. Oh be normal, you know GYN stuff for six years and then I ended up finding my niche in sexual medicine and menopause and it's sort of fell into my lap because I'm not afraid to talk about it, especially the sexual aspect, you know, people would come back and ask me questions and I you know, I sort of realized the importance of it and how it was something that a lot of providers either don't feel comfortable discussing or the patients don't feel comfortable discussing but it's a really big important part of a woman's life sexuality. And so it was easy for me to talk about it. I found the time, you know, I took the time at that point to find out which the international Society for the study of women's sexual health, and that's where I really got all of my training in sexual medicine because you don't learn much about it in residency. And so you really dead Fortunately, hopefully that's changing but unfortunately have to go get that information on your own and then I brought that information back to my practice and I could really help my patients. And as far as menopause go, you know, we were saying before we started recording how much sexual issues and women overlap with menopausal problems. Not always twenty-year-olds can have problems with sexuality and 35 year olds and thirty year olds, but at the menopause when your hormones are changing or your you know, you lose your estrogen or testosterone is low that can really really affect sexuality not just Iraq but also lead to painful sex and orgasm difficulties. So they sort of naturally came together for my practice and I feel really strongly about treating these issues and educating women were advocating for women in the space. Yeah. How do you find success in having these conversations with your patients? Do you at this place? They probably know you as the doctor who knows a lot about this but starting out. How did you find success in in Breaking that Gap in midlife care? I think if that I I mean, I think that I'm sort of naturally non-judgmental and easy to talk to and I and I I I say thank you to my mother because my mom has the same way and I think she taught me to live life and and not make people feel bad about the issues that they're having. I tell her all the time. I am who I am cuz her but that I just I feel and I don't think there's any like special truck. It's just and that's probably part of the reason I went into being a physician because I feel that way. So I really, you know, I set up an easy environment for women to talk about because both sexuality and not as you know, menopause are some huge changes in a woman's life, but women don't learn about that, right we talk all about puberty. We talk about don't get pregnant. Don't get STDs, but we don't tell you that, you know dead. Painful sex is going to happen a couple of years after your period stop. So and it's embarrassing. It's very embarrassing sometimes for women to bring up and one thing that I notice and I've heard a couple of times in my practice is I will come in and they're like, oh my gosh, you know sex is painful. I have terrible vaginal dryness. My partner thinks I don't like him anymore and the woman's like that's not the issue. I don't know why it's dry, but they had no idea it had anything to do with the menopause because it happens mostly a couple of years after and so they're terrified and and so it's you know, it's really important to make sure that women know off of the changes that happened during the menopause. I know I certainly couldn't agree with you more listening is such a such a value and I find that patients find it very rare these days off we're doctors to be able to take the time to listen, it's funny when you do what are some of the most common scenarios are common complaints that you here pretty commonly. I know you were touching on them off. So I would say that the two most common issues. Well three now three most common issues that I see are low libido. Painful sex and weight gain, which goes along with the menopause? Yeah. That's just I guess I would lump weight gain with the whole constellation of menopausal symptoms. So hot flashes night sweats mood swings brain fog joint aches painful sex low libido. Like there's a whole constellation of those that go together. In fact, I talked to somebody this morning who she just didn't know where to turn because she just you know could name the list of all the things that were going on. So, I think that whole, you know sort of I want to say metabolic syndrome that doesn't sound very good but you know like that whole constellation of symptoms and then also painful sex and low libido. This would probably be my top three. Yeah. Well, let's jump into bed at treating painful sex. So in my brain and I would love to
"I honestly in a very good group of like breeding and it's really funny because i was having that thing of like. Oh yeah reading is hard. And then i started reading like a straight men books again and i was like okay. Rock mark real. That's the truth of my reading patterns is that there's a big hole in the like man cannon in my reading and i was like what are these dudes been up to and it turns out and menor writing really good books. I mean men are writing good books bad books and middling books much like everyone is. I feel like i wasn't reading them. Now that i'm reading. I was like all the hullabaloo about their incre- books. Oh man yeah. I i respect that. I think i read a couple of books by men last year. I'm failing to think of actual titles but i'm sure i did. I'm sure i read at least one or two growing you. Everyone should shake up there reading. It's very exciting. So it's been very exciting for me. What are you most excited about that. You've read lately. Okay two books rad lately evaluate like really really really enjoyed the first one is this non-fiction you know how i love nonfiction. An just like so well researched really moving like a story. I had never heard before it like. It's the to then diagram like every like the diagram of the nonfiction. I like it's called the eagles of heart mountain. A true story of football incarceration and resistance in world war two america and it's by bradford pearson and it's great. It's like the story of this world. War two incarceration camp in wyoming. That had a high school football team. So here we are like incarcerating. Japanese people like japanese. Interment that happened. And here's the story about this like football team. This incarceration camp and so you know it's a. It's a story about football. It's basically a story about resiliency that is masquerading about a story about sports which is also like it a lot but honestly like the research and is ten out of ten so even if you do not like sports you do not like football you like. Don't care about the stuff it is It was such a good lens to understand that. Specifically kind of resistance in world war two america and i like this kind of book especially in this kind of moment because it distracts me from the coup and also take back. It also puts me in this place where i was like. Oh here are like historical precedent for how people are resisting and also there are so many never before told stories of resiliency and this one was so great. The other book that i read that i really enjoyed is red. Hell by hari cohen's ru and is a very anxious book. I will not lie to you if you were in like a deep if you're one of those people that you're anxious and you don't need more anxiety in your life like joan do it. But i'm anxious anxiety narratives to keep going union. Need fuel in the tank for your anxiety. Cookery morning you now. It's like so paranoid and dreamy. And it's great but this is a novel and its business story of this man Who is going through a deep midlife crisis and move from brooklyn to germany an injury. He starts being obsessed with this cop. Show called blue lives. That is just like very compelling and it's just very bleak and like you know that darwinian view of life the whole thing and it really just like unravels a lot for him like you know and because he's a writer he's just my writing have any value at all and they're just all like it like novel for right now because every question that that book is asking are kind of the same things that we are dealing with like in this moment of watching You know the like the rise of the the the fascist like insurrection
What's the story behind Erika Jayne and Tom Girardi's legal battles?
"I'm sure that many of you are familiar with the erika girardi. Tom girardi case adjusted patriot. Bonus episode which can give you a more background on the case but for those of you who are not familiar. You have to listen to the details. So erica girardi also known as erica. Jane is a cast member on the real housewives of beverly hills has been on it for a couple of seasons. Now she's famously noted for her lavish exorbitant lifestyle with scenes shot in her private jet. She's got glam squad at least four deep. They always help her put together. Looks for international trips. And i'm talking luxury brands right out of the store. Like top of the top. She has not align on her face. Not one line. I don't know how you can be fifty years old and have given birth to a child and not have one line on your face. It is perplexing and on top of it. She decided she was going to be a midlife pop star so she tapes these music videos. And you're wondering how much in god's name does she spend on this. Her songs are a bit absurd. she got a two thousand seventeen song. Expensive now bear with me. This is the spouse of expensive x. x. p. e. n. dollar sign iv e. and the lyrics go is this. It's expensive to be me looking this. Good come for free. that's just who i be. It's expensive to be me well. Her husband age eighty one again. She's fifty her husband was surprisingly a consumer law attorney who had been practicing law since one thousand nine hundred sixty five rising to prominence for a very high profile case in nineteen ninety-three against energy giant pacific gas and electric company and its role in the contamination of groundwater in the small town of heckling california. That case became the basis for the two thousand blockbuster movie erin brockovich an elevated the prestige of his law firm girardi kice. Now as i've mentioned before. I worked in legal. Pr for many years. And i was very familiar with tom and his firm so well since then. His firms continue to handle many multimillion dollar settlements. Often involving class action suits against major corporations. So big time money will. Erica is currently in the process of divorcing tom. Who recently testified in a california court that he's broke earlier this week in an in depth exit. Bosie that i absolutely implore you to read in los angeles times. It explored their financial problems. So girardi described as financial trouble in court filed in october. When asked about how much money he had his personal account answered not a lot. Maybe a couple thousand. I don't have any money. At one point. I had about eighty million or fifty million in cash. That's all gone. I also had a stock portfolio of about fifty million. And that's all gone. I know what you're thinking right now. How in god's name could you lose eighty million dollars. Where did the money go on october. Twenty ninth twenty eighteen. A new boeing. Seven thirty-seven max. Eight carrying one hundred and eighty nine. Passengers and crew members crashed shortly takeoff in jakarta indonesia. I'm sure you've probably remember this case. Those two years ago everyone on board the lion air flight died tom. Girardi in his law firm were hired to represent surviving relatives of the crash and a suit filed earlier this month. Alleges girardi and his firm embezzled millions of dollars that were intended to go to some of those family members
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mastery
"Welcome to mid life mastery. My name's brock edwards. And i have this crazy vision. I am on a mission to help. Transform lives one. Step one action at a time starting with my own and i have some questions about mastering mid-life. Like i i question is how do you do it you know. I don't think much attention is paid to that. Because when we're young we learned from her parents were sent to school. Maybe we can go to college and we learn a profession. We learn a trade. We learn how to succeed in life and then as we enter different life stages in our twenties and thirties and even forties. You know there's all sorts of books magazines movies. Tv shows about how to do it. Well and then turned fifty this year and as i look around the media and advertisements really seem to think that i should be chasing the past glory days and clinging to my youth with this white knuckled death grip or i should just be quietly fading into the background. No no not a chance. I have no desire to be twenty five again. And even if i did right. That's not going to happen. And i'm also not ready to disappear. I have wisdom. I have experienced that. I never had in my youth and i feel like i'm just now starting to enter my prime. Maybe you feel the same way. You'll the working title. This podcast was louder than old age and admittedly. That's perhaps not a great title for our podcast. Which is why it's now called midlife mastery but it really sums up my attitude and i want to turn my life up to eleven. I wanna finish it even better than i started and to do that. I need to find out how so. I'll be talking with those who are bring their passion their enthusiasm. There's some bishen into this next stage of life. I'm looking for people who inspire and share ideas for mastering midlife.
How to Launch & Grow a Professional Coaching Practice And Career with Eben Pagan
"Ebben say what's up to fire nation and sheer so the interesting about yourself. That most people don't know what's up. Fire nation first of all and Something interesting about the people don't know is that my name isn't eban. It's actually eboni. My first name is ebeneezer. A my dad's favorite story was the christmas carol. Oh and it was about this guy who you know went through his life and he got to see the past and the future and he changed and he kind of woke up and my name's ebeneezer every time. I watched that show from this day four. Which is every christmas. By the way i'm going to think of you and that's really i think you're the only ebeneezer that i know. So you're number one. You're the only and fire nation you know from the introduction. They were talking about how to launch in grow a professional coaching practice. Career ends as you heard from the introduction. There's literally nobody better talk about this then eban pagan or should i say ebeneezer pagan and one thing. I just want to start off with is. Let's just talk about if coaching is really a professional career path. I mean i feel like people come from college and they tell their parents like yeah. I'm going to become a professional coach. And they might be like really like talk. Talk to us about that. Is this a professional career path. Well i think the answer is yes and you know it's yes and no further folks that are just like oh i'm going to be a coach and they you know think idealistically that they're just going to say like okay. I'm a coach. And then everything's gonna work out perfectly and you know but people take it seriously who realize the importance of coaches in life in business people who have the calling. You know they say like coaching is a calling. If it's for you than now is the time and it's never been more of a professional career path. There are something like one hundred thousand professional coaches right now on the planet and that means that it's established it's real. I mean most people by now. Either noah coach have gotten coaching. Maybe you even our coach taken coach training. So you see that. This is a real thing but really. We're going to see over the next several years. This is going to skyrocket. And it's going to go to millions of coaches and yes it's a professional career path. You know what actually one more thing There was an article in harvard. Business review last year is december of twenty nineteen just went by and it talked about how management and leadership in large corporations is literally becoming coaching that. The role of the manager is now being considered the role of the coach. And so it's not just a professional career path all by itself. But if you want to succeed in the corporate world if you want to succeed in the academic world if you want to succeed as a parent you know. I really think that. This is the skill set to learn. We might disagree on my next question evident. I think that'll be fine. It could be a good conversation for sure. But i have to ask you. Don't agree agree. We might agree. We might disagree. That'll be the question. So i wanna know what you think first and then i'll share my thoughts afterwards. Which with a disagreement may come on people that are a twenty one year old life coach or a nineteen year old life coach or a twenty four. Your old life coach. Like what are your thoughts and not even just life course. Employing that word life out of there actually just coaches. What do you think about people at that. Age being professional coaches. Well you know. I think maybe part of what you're asking here. Is you know when you see the couple. That's been together for like two years. And they're in their twenty s on instagram. And they're like we're professional mantra teachers or something like wait a minute. Aren't you supposed to have been meditating for twenty years. I knew bring dabble by the way i knew. What did you nine. I okay okay okay okay oh good one all right okay i agree. I know i disagree okay. So here's the thing. Coaching is this is a. This is a real serious thing. What most people don't realize is that over the last twenty twenty s years. Lots in lots of really brilliant people have been down the rabbit hole of figuring out what coaching is and how it works and developing the models in the skills in the techniques in the exercises in the business models and everything and this is something that anybody can actually learn now most of the people that we work with our most of the come through the virtual coach. Are you know. Thirties forties fifties sixties. A lot of people in in midlife lot lot of younger people too. But you know if you're nineteen this is one of the most important skill sets that you could possibly
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mixtape
"And of course, it doesn't help that on social media. Everything's perfect. All the time. So we think it's just me. I don't know what's changed. I don't know what's wrong with me. And so part of why I wanted to talk about this on this show is to do exactly that normalize that you guys yes, if you're feeling that way it's I mean, I don't do you ever read the happiness curve by Jonathan Rowe? I haven't but I'm familiar with it. Yeah, so he was a guest on the show and to me one of the things that were so interesting about his research was that the roots of midlife discontent or biological and he you know looked at the studies that showed its inter-species, you know wage monkeys go through depression whales go through and that was so reassuring to me like, oh, it's just it's not just normal among the human species. It's kind of a it can be a global thing. So I hope you guys I want you listeners to hear what Macy's say, which is if you're feeling that way that's cool. That's a part of the process and it's normal and you're not weird for feeling that way. Absolutely and if anything I would say You're really healthy and you're awake in your life. If you're feeling that way you are awake enough to realize huh? Something isn't quite right. So rather than ignoring that numbing that trying to stuff that I'm going to begin to unpack that and that is man that's healthy. That means that we are aware in our life. And you know, I think these midlife Awakenings can can happen at different points in the greater life stage of midlife, but I do feel like they happen for everyone and it's kind of a choice, you know, you can choose to pay attention to those pain points to pay attention to those losses and those transitions that we experience in midlife and and you can choose to to step into those dead. Unpack them and understand them or you can choose to try to keep stuffing them. But I think the thing that we want to remember about midlife is how we transition in midlife and off work. We do on ourselves and the self-awareness we gain an emotional awareness and understanding and self-compassion. All of that is going to bear fruit later in our lives and one of the things that I've observed and this is what I like to call Maisie Theory there's there's not actually research to back this up beyond my own yet to actually be on my own observation with clients and and talking with people but I really think again how we moved through midlife determines what we are like and how we enjoy those later decades in Life or 70s and 80s and one of the things that I've seen and this is a huge generalization and I'm sure you know, lots of people will take umbrage with this but you know, if you think about women birth A specialized in working with women. So if you think about women in their seventies and eighties you often have two types of women..
Awakening Your Inner Wisdom With Laurie Seymour
"Let's meet Laurie. Seymour. Laurie is the host of wisdom talk radio and founder and CEO of the Baka Institute. She works with professional innovators thought leaders product designers company Founders and her work accelerates the time from ideation to implementation and revenue while also opening the innovator to new levels of confidence peace and satisfaction, or you could also be found as a writer on The Huffington Post the Elephant Journal positively positive one wise light and cut. She is a contributing author in the Amazon. Number one bestseller the system of midlife women too and the Amazon number one international bestseller 365 ways to connect with your soul. Let's meet Laurie Seymour. Well, welcome extraordinary women radio Laurie. Well, thank you Kami. I am really Jazz to be here. It's funny. I'm not usually nervous. I've done so many of these I have my own, you know, I am interviewing but there's a little there's a little buzz of something here today. Well, it's funny you say that cuz I've been really excited and nervous to be on your show as well. So I think that must be something I think I think we both have I think when we met each other and we discovered the work that we're both doing even though we both live here in Colorado. There was this this like we were supposed to meet so, yeah. Yeah. No, I think it's really exciting that we have matching and it's it's fun that you know, even when I started looking through the different connections that we have a lot of the same connections and song. How living in the same in the same area. We've missed getting to know each other. So I'm super excited excited to introduce you to my audience and share your work with with all of our lives. Thank you. Thank you. I'm excited to be here for for you for your listeners. And that will get to do the do it the other way very soon. Yes. Yes. So bow, are you holding up during these times? It's crazy times right now. They are such big time. It is such a big time and and even with everything that we could list. I'm aware even in the last few days that the energy has ramped up to another level and I've been waking up in the middle of the night or even wake me up at the beginning and I feel like I don't know what the day is about. I don't know what my life is about and usually I'll spend time asking questions. Like what is today about him, you know bringing through what I'm eating this feels like I'm in a new process and that I'm just I mean the unknown I felt alarmed Of just turning in and really listening and you know getting out my pendulum and playing with what messages are. You know, what what messages am I supposed to hear and where is what say yes or no, and I've actually been making a lot of decisions this last this last week, which is I think part of this whole big ship is making the decisions right making the decisions that are important for where we're going, you know into the next several months into the next year until beyond that. What do you hope? What is your hope for our world as wage? We move through this very important time. Well, I love what you were just saying about making decisions because so much of I think what the work that both of us do is about how do you make decisions and good meaning right for you? My hope is is a lot about moving beyond separation as human beings because we come into a job. World were so focused on being in and of the world that there's a way that we often forget and we'll end or separate from her own knowing of her off our our own recognition. And and so we spend all this time. I want to say forgetting and then we've got to learn once again how not to be separate from our own true self. And in that then we can go beyond the separation between all between everyone between all sorts of
They Call Us The Paper Tigers
"Hello, and welcome to another edition of they call us Bruce unfiltered conversation about what's happening in Asia America. I bill you and I'm Jeff Yang and we are here. With the director and writer of I gotTA. Say just one of my favorite films to have come out this year not just because it hits square and kind of like the intersection of. Sweet spots for me. But also because it really revives John that is kind of synonymous with. They cost Bruce in some ways, and that film is the paper tigers and the filmmaker in question is bow tran. Bow. Thank you for joining us on the PODCAST. Welcome. Hello. Hello. Thanks for having. Me Guess. Big Fan. At. Likewise. No seriously about so this film is basically about a set of martial arts enthusiasts young young guys who have grown up learning under a master. who have kept on growing up as a were. Gotten Kinda midlife and found themselves in a situation where they have to kind of recover the skills that they've lost and like I said for me, it really is just at the intersection of a lot of stuff that I care about and or am. So. Thank you for making it. And Yeah, thank you for talking to us about. My pleasure. Thanks for watching. Really glad to hear you guys enjoy. I let me say like, let me express a little bit of. Sorrow and regret. and sadness on your behalf because. The world being what it is the circumstances being what it is. Many people are going to experience. This movie are not going to experience movie the way I really think they should. Experience it which is with an audience because this is such a fun crowd-pleasing movie We should say like I saw it advertised as a as a martial arts comedy which it is. But it's a bummer that we're not people aren't going to really get to see it in that ideal situation. Yeah I. Mean it's kind of a it's kind of a surreal thing to go through this year with all festivals. Now pivoting to virtual and we had a world premiere couple of weeks ago at Fantasia, which is usually out of Montreal and We did have a zoom QNA afterwards. And is actually fun because it was the first time. The actors saw the movie for the first time and all that and then Cuny was over and I got kicked out of the Zoom Room. There I was sitting in the dark? The World Premiere. Back. But. You know you know we we may do I, mean. That's kind of the way things are, and we just have to Kinda forge on. But Yeah we all had always hoped in envisioned to be able to play this in front of crowd because I think that's kind of like the best experience at least for me growing up as well. Just watching movies that I love. And then be able to kind of bring that. Old old-timey feeling back again. But hopefully, maybe oh Soon soon, enough will be a on our recovery in fields. Kind of have a place when we can share it altogether. I. I kinda figured out what the the genre of this sort of ends up being in white works for me. So well, it's basically old school meets old just. But. I mean these AVIV, the the issue of where we are. Now how this all landing I I will say that. There's something really special about seeing the movie mean it's taken a while to get here and I know this of course, I was fortunate enough smart enough to be early on the bandwagon on this thing asked for it in the kick starter as was Hudson Yang. And Shout shout out. Yeah and it feels a little bit like it's bringing with it. A breath of what it was like before all this happened I. Mean you know we're for me the the things that make the movie just. Feel, special to me is. It's it's the kind of film that you can't really make in quarantine at all. It's film that it's not like a giant. You Know Effects Laden blockbuster, but it has the the effects that you can only do with people are trained and skillful right which is. People finding hand hand. Real. Martial, artists in. Most cases. Who are are going head to head with choreography that you can't hide right there. This does really feel to me and we seen other attempts before. Like A legit revival of that The film right and? I mean I wanted to kind of dig a little into your inspirations and influences in deciding to. Revive this Jonah to begin with. And here a little more about the way this journey started. Yeah I mean I could have imagined. No. You guys have been tracking project for a long time. We've been you know I, I was with Mike Alaska's my producer and we pitched this at the C. Three Project Market V. C. You know twenty eleven in front of like Daniel Day Kim and Desirous Yamashita in. A Teddy Zee. Like nine years ago when I had a one page treatment and it was just like. A hair we are. So I wish I could say we planned it, but we really just got in by Cheney chin-chin in terms of just shooting this film at the at the end of summer last year two, thousand nineteen, and then we were imposed all the way up until you know when the lockdown started happening and all that stuff. So yeah I mean literally is that Snapshot Wife Before. the pandemic and a lot of ways. So it's just it's just kind of worked out that way and if we waited any any additional months or waited, you know in any way to to shoot the film I, don't think we re we would be here having this conversation. Yeah. So it's Kinda trippy looking back on just the timing of it all.
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mixtape
"All right we're back with Andrew, Hebel and I was curious to know what what your soldier friends what your navy buddies thought when they heard that you were becoming a priest. I wonder if anybody said was like, okay. Well, we saw back from day one or if it was a surprise to them, most of them don't talk about the answer. Never, came back from. Fifty fifty. Talk I. Probably talked to three of those guys back in those days and you know that's not a good thing or bad thing just is what it is. It's being in the military great transient thing you're always moving or you're deployed or you lose touch with people all the time. The Guy who I know close the guys who request to me. You know they wouldn't hit that as my job. But when they knew that I was doing, it wasn't shopping. They these big questions without bothering the hell out of them too. So what do you think about being at Midlife and being a priest at? Do you think you look at things through a different Lens?.
FOF #2896 Peaches Christ and the Witches of East Bay - burst 01
"When you're a drag queen yard time less well at least until your weight starts to break down and your makeup start crack at the end of the night. But time comes for us all even the most legendary drag queens and that doesn't always have to be a scary thing. One of our favorite movies is the witches of Eastwick, which pits three icons, shares, Susan Sarandon, and Michelle pfeiffer against the devil himself as they turned to witchcraft to manage the midlife crisis today San Francisco drag. IMPRESARIO, peaches, Christ chats with us about opening up her vaults of drag parodies for an incident viewing party of her show. The witches of East Bay where Peaches Coco Peru and Chad michaels take a look at what happens when three drag legends get older and a world dominated by pesky drag Queens plus why do J. K. Rowling and other high profile celebrities come out against trans. Inclusion eighties gay icons that became TV commercials, spokespersons and look at the amazing life of Drag Queen Hegi leg. I'm Fausto for no I'm Mark Zalin and this is feast. Five. Before we begin. Let's listen to the trailer for a peaches crisis the witches of East Spe starring Coca, Peru Chad Michaels and Thomas Dekker. You know when you're young queen and you don't understand anything everything's really confusing. CONTOURING and Tucking. You think that when you grow up and become a seasoned queen, that's GonNa make sense and. Still waiting for that day. That day ever come I've discovered that when you're truly fully relaxed, you can open your eyes and see what the world has in store for you. For me, my eyes are most open after I've enjoyed a hot steaming cup of celestial seasonings tension Tamer to. What do you? It's a short life isn't it? We all have fears. Sometimes I i. look in the Mirror and I see everything disintegrating faster and faster. A long career in drag is not for the week. Just burned my mouth. So fucking badly you know life may be short for some. But even if there's like a nuclear Holocaust, I plan on sticking around and partying with the cockroaches not really afraid of death that doesn't mean I don't have fears. You know what I see see snakes like hundreds of them and they're like crawling all over me and then disappear I'm just not there anymore it's really trippy. I don't mind the growing old or that it's a short lifer, the snakes or any of that the the pain that scares me I don't know why there needs to be so much pain in the world often caused by anonymous trolls commenting on social media. Deal the deck. Down here we just. Play the sandwiches. Hello. Hi. Peaches. Christ. Yes it is. What's Your scariest movie? Nights scariest. Say, what's your favorite scary movie. Well that's a nightmare on ELM street. One. I had a really scary movie. It's called the Selfie on my phone. On my God and I take my clothes off and I look into it. And I see myself growing old OH. Oh I used to be an atheist, but then I realized I was a sex God. But now on a sex card decline and nobody wants to worship at my temple. Because I've been stuck at home during covert quarantine. No one loves me anymore, not even myself. How are you doing today peaches? I I was doing fine a moment ago. I. Just I don't even know what was. Not sure. Well, we're kind of like thinking about you you have. Your opening your your default. Clearing the COBWEBS and showing the audiences, what they are throughout the world with really want is some of your productions that you've done over the years you during the witches of East Bay which. You know play on the witches of Eastwick, which kind of deals with. Women of a certain age and how they feel. That that's what you doing. Accuser. So used to hear that all the time this leg. I thought that you were just like you know any the the average gay guy going through his. You know mid life crisis. Interesting thing right. 'cause we live in a consumer society and we sort of been making money or being taught or whatever to not embrace aging and to look at the aging palace as something to be feared. Sometimes. Abhorred emphasis on the. When. You're eighteen. They'll tell you when you're over twenty six nobody wants you then you need S. Over thirty nobody wants you then your early thirties forties death if you're gay and then this comes you know the goal and then you get those ages and you're just like I'm just as fierce as I was back then. Yeah I mean in some in some ways. I would argue that maybe you're fiercer. I think that well, culturally right it's it's not in every culture. Is there sort of this idea of growing old being a bad thing, but it's definitely an American idea for sure or Western young and then I think if you are queer especially a gay man, you know we we adopted so many of the worst parts of. Misogyny. And so we apply that to each other and then I i. Yeah. I think for a lot of queer men sadly. It's a real thing. It's a real problem. Well, it even like in talking about intergenerational relationships or even like you know if you are somebody who is above the age of thirty and you're at a bar and you start flirting with somebody, you know this is the thing is like a lot of these twenty year old tw- inks are hit me on the hookup APPs but out in public, there are like there goes all thousand. And I met you were sending me or Dick Pic last week are you talking to your little secrets? We go out in public. Worrying a mask. Anymore. I'm really loving the mask culture because finally. People to see my face and they can. Say. They just don't even see it. Well, it's like it's like a facelift in sunway tooth kissing goodbye nobody knew. What you're doing you're you're giving into those those ideas of you know this negative ideas about aging. This is about like you know for years we've heard Middle Eastern women. I really like hiding my face and feels very comfortable. People are after. Them they not to stare at me Yes yes. Yes. We're the mask sunglasses like ray bans with mirrors on them and sometimes even a little bike helmet or a hat. So I'm basically just a robot out perfect on everybody just staring at you know staring at anything I want without repercussions about like when you're like totally like staring at a guy is like in you're wearing the mask he can't see when you like licking your lips underneath the mash. Literally drooling once in a while might might mask. The wetness comes through but. Like little, otherwise they how do they know and this is a this is good for straight men to know this like when you're not when you're a straight guy and you think you're too cool for the mask, all of us gaze wearing masks we're just. Per serving on you so hard. With that information. Jim and I see this guy and I'm just like Oh my God he's so bad. He's just like. A moment your way and I'm just like, yes. In the way my heart. Yeah it's true. You're right. You're right. That we should we should probably get back to the which is. How generous of you? To open the show with such such an amazing plug for this upcoming online screening that we're doing, and it's true that that show in a way was about I mean I talked to cocoa and chat about the fact that we were. Older Queens and that that's what the show was going to be about. So you're right. That is what the show is about. It's about is this all there is kind of thing but he ever since I've known Coco Cocos characters been this cool hip tell it like it is. You know Aunty in the Bronx who's like doesn't Old Lady for thirty years and this is why we called got dress up in drag I. think at least for me when I was in my early twenties, it was like, Hey, you can be whoever you want to be for the rest of your life as long as you can get a shake and go wig like Coca Peru and. They'll make it. How did you get cocoa to like actually change wigs because you know she's wearing Like she has. A demented Jan Brady. I guess I get you. We this was the first show. We've ever done together and we had been. In some comedy shows together doing drag Queens of comedy and she passing Lee said like, why haven't you ever asked me to be in one of your shows and I was like Well I mean you never I I I just can't imagine
The Massive Impact Work Has On Your Health & Why NOW Is The Time To Change It
"Today we'll be talking about one of the most overlooked health issues that has been affecting our entire world and it's been overlooked long enough and I truly believe that right now is giving us an opportunity to actually change this. So, we're going to start this with a Meta analysis of four, hundred, eighty, five studies, and this is published in occupational and Environmental Medicine. And found that job satisfaction is one of the strongest influences on mental health issues. In Our world, most notably for depression and anxiety. The study noted a relationship also between our job satisfaction and physical health issues like gastrointestinal issues and cardiovascular as well, and this is echoed in several other studies including study that was cited in the Journal of chronic diseases. Taking into consideration array of risk factors and of vocations and an array of income levels uncovered that the lack of satisfaction in the work that we do is a significant risk factor for coronary heart disease. Why don't we talk about this? Real health and wellness is dynamic. It comes from so many different things. It's not just about food you can eat the perfect. Personalized, unique blood type buddy type, every type diet. And go to work and spend half or more of your waking hours of your entire life hating what you do or being unhappy go into the place that you go every day or doing the work that you're doing instill still develop chronic health issues even if your diet is perfect, even if you're hitting the gym all the time, all of these things matter. Relationships matter our sleep matters. All of these things go into the overall code. The human that you are. and. This issue. More than any other time in our lifetime is something that we can change what's happening right now with the job market and all of the turmoil I believe is offering up an opportunity for us to change this because many people are working themselves in his sickness and don't even realize it. It's happening and they don't realize that it doesn't have to be this way now we're going. To discuss, there is a modicum of course of doing what you gotTa. Do you know getting the bills paid but we have to move beyond that and this is the opportunity to do. So we're GONNA talk about how we can actually do that today as well. But I want to dive a little bit deeper here because I scratched the surface in some of the issues that we see. The results of another peer reviewed study and this was published in two thousand fifteen finally direct link between job satisfaction and psychological distress as well as physical disorders. Now according to the researchers satisfaction with the nature of work that was doing was the strongest predictor for psychological distress for sleep disorders, headaches, and gastrointestinal problems what. You don't hear stuff like sleep problems caused by. Dissatisfaction with the work one is doing. The data exists, but this is something that we brush off really think about this. Again, we think somebody's illness quote comes out of nowhere where there are so many different factors like they eat. Perfectly they're exercising all the time. And we have to take a broader view of health now and take all of these things into consideration. And that's what I'm encouraging us to today. Another study. This was from researchers from the Ohio State University say that their work shows that happiness on the job or lack thereof appears to have the biggest impact on midlife mental health. One of study authors noted that and listen to this is really interesting. And having a scale very satisfied satisfied to completely dissatisfied. They discovered that quote seen with the majority of people are either very satisfied or satisfied with their job, but we find that even they subtle distinction between. Satisfied and simply being satisfied has significant effects on your health. I would say our studies, main findings are you're likely to have worse health if you don't love your job rather than if you hate your job So did you catch that distinction? People who are just kinda getting by tolerating what they do, and maybe they're okay with their job. But if they don't love their work, not loving your work, not loving the thing that you do every day is far more of a predictor of negative health outcomes than if somebody absolutely hated the job. So that little subtle distinction of actually enjoying what we do every day is the strongest predictor of our health when it comes to the work that we do.
Activists, Anna Arnold Hedgeman
"Today we're talking about a trail-blazing political activist and educator. She was the first black woman to be a member of a oral cabinet in New York City and the only woman on the administrative committee for the nineteen sixty three march on Washington. Let's talk about Anna. Arnold. Henchmen. Anna was born in eighteen ninety nine in Marshall Town. Iowa. Her family later moved to a NOCA- where they were the only black family in the community. In Nineteen Eighteen Anna graduated from high school and enrolled in Hamline University. It was there that she heard a lecture by w e boys and was inspired to pursue a career in education. In nineteen twenty two Anna was the first African American to graduate from HER UNIVERSITY After graduation unable to find a teaching job in Saint Paul Public schools because she was black and found a teaching job but historically, black school in Mississippi called Rust College. On her train ride down south to her new job in Mississippi Anna, had her first experience with Jim. Crow segregation laws a train conductor told her that when the train reached Illinois had to sit in the overcrowded colored section and not in the dining car white people sat. Anna spent two years at rust college before turning to Minnesota. Unable to find a teaching job after once again, facing racial discrimination, she switched careers. In one, thousand, nine, hundred, eighty, four, and became an executive director of the black. Branch of the Young Women's Christian, association or the YWCA. She continued her executive role for twelve years helping to develop various international programs and education. In nineteen thirty, three Anna married folk musician merit a henchman. In nineteen forty, four Anna was appointed executive director at the F. E. P. C.. The national. Council for a Permanent Fair Employment Practices Committee. She spearheaded the fight against employment discrimination. From nineteen, fifty, four to nineteen fifty eat anna served in the cabinet of Robert F Wagner Junior then New York mayor. She was the first african-american and first female member of a mayoral cabinet. For the next few years she worked in a variety of roles including as a columnist as well as as a public relations consultant. In one thousand, nine, fifty, three Anna spent three months in India as next leader for the State Department. She also unsuccessfully ran for Congress in one thousand, nine, hundred sixty and for New York City Council president in Nineteen. Sixty five. One of Anna's most famous feats was her role in the nineteen, sixty, three march on Washington. We hold these choose to be self-evident. That, all men are created. Was the only woman on the administrative committee working with civil rights leaders, Martin Luther King, junior, Bayard Reston. And Eighth Phillip Randolph. Mobilize people to attend to arrange transportation logistics and to organize food and water for attendees fell on Anna's pleat because King Randolph and the other men she wrote for carrying on all of their regular responsibilities and it was difficult to get them to the meetings. Shortly before the march. Anna was angry when she saw that no women were included as speakers instead randolph was planning to briefly mention some black women activists in his speech although Anna strongly urged for women to be included a speakers on the program her calls were largely dismissed. In the end as a compromise, daisy beats was allowed to speak at the end of the march but her allotted speech time was significantly shorter than all the other male speakers. Anna later captured in her autobiography a moment during the March as she sat in front of the steps of the Lincoln. Memorial. I thought of the one, hundred, eighty, thousand Negro soldiers and the twenty nine thousand black seamen who had moved in at the crucial moment to win the war and save the fragile union she wrote. Most of the two hundred and fifty thousand people present could not know of these men for the history books available to Americans have failed to record their story. In the Nineteen Seventies Anna continued her work as an author and lecturer in the US and abroad. She wrote two books about her life's work. The trumpet of sounds in Nineteen, sixty four and the gift of chaos in one, thousand, nine, hundred, seventy, seven. Anna was honored for her working race relations by various organizations throughout her life and was awarded honorary doctorate degrees from both Howard and Hamline University's. She also received the Pioneer Woman Award in one, thousand, nine, hundred, eighty, three from the New York State Conference on Midlife and older women. Anna died in nineteen ninety she was ninety years old.
Making Peace with Your Family
"Their feud has been brewing since childhood last year during a family trip things got so bad. They came to actual blows. Their father had to pull them apart bobby and robin our sisters but they barely speak Robin says the sound of bobbies voice makes her sick Nicole they're younger sister Peter. Their little brothers say enough is enough the Cole Road to us in hopes that we could help bring her sisters back together. Father Peter. Senior is also here. If, you have conflicts within your family and let me just say who doesn't this show. We'll give you a whole new way to deal with them. It could save you years and years of pain Mark Brian says, he wrote this book codes of Love How to rethink your family and remake your life because he used to hate his own family he stayed away from them for over ten years throughout the show mark is going to be telling us how he changed all that and how you can too. So we're not here just to have because you know you can watch one of those other shows where people, chairs and Viewed as they bring out surprise family members, you haven't seen in a long time. That's not what we're GONNA. Do we're here to try to resolve it and for the millions of you who are also separated from your family to try to bring back some sense of coat of love that you once had memories of that earlier this week mark heard both sides of this family feud starting with Bobby Nicole and Peter. At Different Times Robin has stopped speaking to each of us that she has low self esteem and. She whenever argument comes up she says to me that I I think I'm better than everybody else and that I'm a goody goody and. And this type of staff. Which of course, upsets me last week I went for lunch with Robin and a few of our cousins, the bridesmaids kind of thing for Robin's wedding to discuss things and I just felt that bobby should have been involved with that. That would have been you know more of A. Total package I'm to the point now where it's like okay. You. Go ahead and behave that way. Not. Going to let it bug me. I have tried to contact her and she has my number blocked. She has your number blocked live in the country can't do that on my phone. So I don't have a number of locked and I have an answering machine and I've never had any messages about. Mark spent time with Robin to hear her version. I've always felt like the black sheep. Always felt like. Fingers always point to that me. I always felt like troublemaker. I've been accused of being over emotional. I've been accused of being. sleazy. have been accused of being slutty. I've been accused of. Basically, everything out there. in particular with my sister Bobby. I. I. Always felt compared to her. I always felt like I had to live up to. My parents, expectations. Of the expectations that she set? What are the three happiest moments of your life. They don't include family. Or? My parents were there when my daughter was born. Thought was one of the happiest moments midlife. My Dad was there when I graduated I. Guess that was another happy moment. The, day I moved out with the happiest moment of my life. And I honestly, truly with all my heart believe that was the best thing ever did because I've come so far sets. If you could go back in time, what would you change? I would I would change. I would put myself with the different family. But you can't do that down. So mark says there four basic steps to help you refrain reconnect with your family and they are I remember what are the good things? So many times in today's psychology we're looking at the bad things. My parents do that messed me up I, WanNa look back at what's the pleasant things were the strengths and the and the love and the loyalty that I've been given for these two, five fifty how old we are those years? The second one is we want to reflect on that. We want to see what's my part in this dynamic in my family when am I at fault and also I don't want to end the blame and the labeling you know. She's the black sheep she's the she's the goody two shoes she's been labeled to by other members of her family is the goody two shoes we want to be out of those labels. So we want to reflect on that what are part is and what's the larger picture of our family? labeled. Early, you just sort of follow that pattern absolutely. Yes. Yes. I have never told Robin she slutty. I've never used those words that she used on her. I'm always careful I don't offend with what I say and ever since we're very young, robin has done things on purpose. she just says whatever she wants whether it hurts your feelings or not. So the slutty thing but those terms that you're using those are not terms that she used or is that what you think she thinks of you. Okay. It might have been another family member but everybody was sitting there and it was them against me and that's how it was portrayed. But. Then again, sitting up here, acting like she's a goody two shoes I wouldn't be here if we didn't have problems. You know who? Didn't cause all my family's problems. We're not here just because of me and you know what? I don't even think there's a lot of family problems here beyond some role definition and the next thing we're going to do is we're going to take a look and refrain these experiences from this. New Perspective. Where we learned where each of us is trying to show concern, but it's being misconstrued as criticism or. As control.
Let's Chill With the Quarantine 15 Jokes
"By now you've likely heard the jokes about gaining the quarantine fifteen. But which you might not have heard is why jokes and messages like this can be harmful. So today we're gonNA chat about it. For this conversation. I was joined by Dr Gail Brooks. Doctor Brooks is vice president and chief clinical officer for the Renfrew Center. She leaves the room through Clinical Excellence Board and the clinical training department, and has clinical and administrative oversight responsibility for Renfrew Residential Facility in Florida and for the nonresidential sites in California. Florida Georgia, Illinois North Carolina and Tennessee. For the past thirty years. She's treated patients from diverse backgrounds who suffer from eating disorders. Dr Brooks served as the eating disorder specialist in the HBO Film Thin has appeared on good. Morning America and has been featured in a variety of notable publications. A frequent presenter at conferences and workshops Dr Brookes, speaks on topics such as the treatment of the complex patient, eating disorders and cultural diversity. The interplay between eating disorders and trauma and eating disorders in Midlife women. Dr Brooks is a member of the I. ADP Board of Directors and former CO chair of the Academy of Eating Disorders Diversity special interest group. Dr Brooks and I discussed the link between trauma in eating disorders why there's been a spike in disordered eating during the pandemic. How to recognize if your relationship with food has become unhealthy. And the role that social media plays in eating disorders. If you notice something that resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with us on social media using the HASHTAG TB in session. Here's our conversation. You so much for joining us today. Dr Brookes. Thank you for having me. It's great to be here. Yes, I'm very pleased to have you join us today because I know, we have been hearing lots and lots of you know jokes that aren't actually funny about like the quarantine fifteen and you know people thinking about their bodies a lot and we know a lot of our like self care strategies in terms of going to the gym in all of those things have been up in it, and so it feels like there's just a lot more attention than usual around like eating and body image, and so I'm glad that you were able to join us today for this conversation. While you're so right. I think all of those things that are impacting all of us, but in particular people with eating disorders I. Think are really struggling right now. Absolutely so I know dad. The National Eating Disorder Association's Instant Messaging Service has seen a seventy five percent increase in volume traffic since the pandemic begin, and I know that there is a lord connection between eating disorder, behaviors and trauma, so I wanted to hear if you could talk a little bit about you know what you think is really being triggered for people right now. Yeah, well I think in so many ways we're probably all being triggered by the crisis that we're in you, know I think the fact that we are in the middle of this whole the crisis, and also what's happening in sort of with racial inequity in all of that I think it's causing a lot of. Heightened emotion among us all. In particular depression, anxiety as well as other types of mental health conditions like eating disorders, disordered eating, and in even body image dissatisfaction are really on the rise over the last several months. Several factors that impact that the fact that we were sort of very quickly thrown into isolation, being asked to stay at home, really separate from our connections and also spend a lot of time around family members, which I think can be sometimes mixed blessing. But you know we're really social beings and I think when we don't have connection that that really does make it much more difficult for us to deal with the stressors in life, and to also to steal with with any sort of trauma that may have along with that I. Think the fears that we have around our own health fear of contagion anxiety about death I. Don't know about you, but I don't know that I ever really thought about death as much as I have in the last several months thinking you know, it could happen to me just as much as could happen to someone else, and so I think that can certainly be very. Of, scary?
Mastering the Menopause with Emma Bardwell
"We're GONNA be talking today about menopause which is a topic that probably we talked enough about until it happens to US often. Vet Light you pelvic floor or things that until you have to get to know it. You don't speak our set so I felt like let's just start off with. What is menopause for those the Dayton Yup absolutely? So you're right. It's not talked about and it's particularly not talked about. I think for younger women such as yourself so in a nutshell it is when your period stops Meno poor say menstruation Meno pause stop. The average age is fifty one. And it's usually a kind of natural part of aging Bart for some women. It might occur earlier and that might be because of genetics or it might be because of surgery and how about Peri. Menopause is at the stage leading up to us yet so paramount applause is actually probably the most important bit of the journey. I think because that's when all the kind of symptoms tend to rare and it can be quite a long journey actually for lots of women. I think there's this real kind of misnomer that it happens in your fifties and it happens overnight whereas actually that lead up that parry menopause can last up to a decade island and I always women often particularly younger. Women feel really kind of freaked out by that so I think it's really important. We don't WanNa kind of catastrophe is it. It's a totally natural part of aging. It happens to every single woman but yet I think it's really important that we are prepared and more interested in that way we kind of dive. Deep into the subject could question. I think because I realized through my own journey. There's a real lack of evidence based information out there so there's lots of women who have been through the journey and so therefore kind of thing that they know everything about it but actually there's a lot of misinformation so I think it's really important for women to get their information from experts. You know people who are actually qualified and also I think women are really underrepresented when it comes to kind of health particularly things I research. There's not enough research being done so I think there's a lot of women floundering. It can be really isolating menopause. I just wanted to kind of turn on its head. I wanted to support women and I wanted women to realize that it's not kind of game over. It's very much a time to be kind of embracing the fact that you've reached this life stage because it's a real privilege to age to get to that point absolutely. I'm touting thirty tomorrow got Michigan very old and I feel like every year every better. Have I WANNA be kind to myself have more wisdom and everyone says that my step mom said to me she would never want to go back to her twenty s because she feels so much happy within herself as he got older and. I think that's really wonderful thing that comes with age and probably something. We need to embrace more and talk about more thing. Yeah I think that's a wonderful way of looking at it and I think for my clients who come see me. It's not just about nutrition or Zeiss style advice. It's actually about regaining a sense of identity. Because you know it's amazing time to be alive you'll middle-age midlife honestly and how about premature menopause? Because I was saying to you before I know a few people kind of distant need that have gone through menopause or menopause symptoms in their twenties. Which is like you said. The average ages fifty one to lose. And you saying kind of ten years before that. You don't think this is going to happen to you until your forties all year. So why are potentially people getting it early? What is the reasons behind that? We don't actually know. It can be genetics or it can be the result of something like chemotherapy or if women have had their ovaries removed. We don't know but the stats are surprisingly high. Actually so early. Menopause which is sometimes go premature. Menopause happens to one in one hundred women to that under the age of forty. So that's quite high her and then under the age of thirty one in a thousand women and then under twenty one in ten thousand while. It's still possible. You liked everything. How many people are on the planets that still quite few people experience absolutely. And how does that impact your ability when you become Perryman? Who is making you less likely to conceive or are you still able to? Who's you're still getting periods but maybe less frequently? Yes so premature ovarian insufficiency which is early menopause. Basically you can still get pregnant but your chances are much reduced so you can still be late. So that's something definitely to bury. Mike's I think a lot of women have a real sense of panic if they want to have children. So that's different something to talk to your GPA about but in your forties if you'll just naturally going through peri menopause. So your eastern levels are plummeting. The not necessarily plummeting but they're kind of on a rollercoasters. They can really kind of p control and that is when women often get symptoms but you can still get pregnant but your chances are reduced. Okay how Stephanie. Get to know and so what are the symptoms? What are they simply? We're talking about? You might be getting todd ten years or less onerous yes. Let's not testify. What are the physical symptoms? That's talk about them fast. I was thinking of hot. Flushes is the kind of hot flashes. And night sweats. A kind of the most obvious common ones but there are. I think it's thirty. Four symptoms are. I think that's actually probably more like seventy so in a really diverse kind of range of things from ACNE SA- changes in skin oversee sagging because eastern plays a big role in college and production. So often women find. Baskin is more lax. There is things like insomnia. That's a pretty common one but also the psychological things so things like memory loss brain fog just a lack of
New Season, Who Dis?
"Hey y'all you're listening to. Podcasts celebrates the everyday victories for anyone who has other or like an outcast. We're excited to share with you. Everything that has happened one and giving them two bucks compresses waiting. L. I'm Alex Berenson Recreational prosecutor a professional teacher and assist lesbian and my pronounce. Her today is my next door neighbor. Right next plane eyeball and its offshoots and my pronouns are mine mine. And I'm Willa. Near the poster child for politically anxious aging feels and the Creator of the Foundation a nonprofit organization supports the LGBTQ community with access to help them on this. I'm also assist in my bones. Are He him like Alex? Said this is our first episode of season two and we cannot express how thankful we are for the engagement. We got from season one. This has truly been a passion project for all of us and I'm so happy to be back for more. If you have anything you WANNA HEAR. This season can write us in podcasts. At I m out DOT ORG or sled into our DM's on instagram at outcasts underscore podcasts. I wanted to start today's episode by bringing our listeners up to speed so a little game let's all name. Three things have happened to us. Since the end of Season One L. so highlights would say I went to Israel for the first time for a friend's wedding and I absolutely fell in love with it. There everyone was so nice and I briefly turned into a chickpea for a short time as the Hummingbird I ate chat on so that was really fun at work like my career has really exploded in the last year since we ended season. Once I've been really grateful for that I you guys probably know. I work at Good Morning America so I helped started. Book Club there Beginning to read dozens of amazing books and the best part about that is I don't have to pay for them and finally probably the biggest highlight. I got an instant pot also for free cheap queen and I'm still managed to set the fire alarm but wonderful update. Yeah well Oh yeah so I. I took the L sat three times. I applied to ten law schools and now and may not even decide to go way. Hashtag indecision twenty twenty. I booked in eight week working adventure to Florence Italy because of the aforementioned stress inducing political climate and midlife crisis not And I also. I celebrated two years as a vegetarian And I'm about ninety percent Vegan. So is that like the grades that you get from other. Vegans like wearing leather jacket. Is that an a minus thirteen. Plus plus rexy as I mentioned before i Anna self-professed Cardio Queen and I did a half ironman in Chattanooga and then went to Berlin and ran the Berlin marathon. Ain't got my best time ever. I also watched all fifteen seasons of repulsed drag race and drag race. Uk Catching up on my badge. Because up until this year I had not seen any of it. Shocking gas yeah where. You're going to be watching that EILLY and most transformative -ly this summer. I had a rapid palatal expanders in my mouth and I talks like this for seventy five days and I couldn't say the letter K Because I couldn't tons of the roof of my mouth and I An architect and my name is Roy. Horlock and there are a lot of Kay's in my life but now I'm happy to report that I'm doing okay in your mouth was my mouth beautiful and I'm on week. Twelve of invisible line so brooks was kind of like walking me through what he the dental work done. And he's like. Oh yeah I'm getting a tooth pulled out and I don't think that I fully comprehended which to was. It was the exact front to. He forgot he was getting done. And I think I was down in. He sent me a picture so close up with like a hundred Shins. And then just a giant gap like turnstile at the subway and we have to engineer MOS so plenty. I thought I looked like hockey player. He did you definitely like upside down Madonna. We started out the outcast podcast episode one by talking about the first time we ever felt. This was a big moment for us. Sharing our story to audition for KINGSPORT IDOL. That's right the three thousand person town replication of American with out there and I was doing my little Jennifer Hudson thing and and it was great. It wasn't till after performance with my parents greeted me and they weren't excited and they weren't happy at all. I realize actually quite upset and it turns out that they had heard kind of snickering in the crowd. About how gay I was in the ninth grade and you were an art class. The teachers it was Mrs Shuts. She was a healthy woman and the kids. The very kindly nicknamed her Mrs Ship tits and my friend. Kevin Grabs this Crystal Ball. That she had lying around and he started is such an art teacher. I know so. He took this crystal ball and he started going around the room. Predicting People's and I was like Oh my God. Please let the bell ring before he comes to. He was an ass of a kid in high school and he was just like I knew that he was going to say something and so he got to me and she looked around. Everyone was watching and he said I predict many girls in your future shoot and everyone started snickering first grade and half was happening. And we were sitting in class and a knock obtain Lim ems Boykin Linden these ladies and they were passing out cheerleader tryout forms you know slowly fuck peewee football. You're really cheering for these. Six Year olds trying to play of all three months which is adorable and so I took one bill like you sure in two other guys took them my friend Daniel. This is in Texas in Texas in small town Texas confrontations population at the time. Forty five hundred so I took one and my mom and she's like she was like you know that people make fun of you. I was like I know but my real friends won't make fun of me. Allies was of the open as we age. We all I got from. That is whenever I get excited. My accent comes out but now I WanNa talk about twenty twenty. It's the New Year. I know we were already well into the air. But it's the dawn of our new season. I love goal setting last year. I asked that we all pick an Emoji of the year. Our spirit emoji. Let's listen to what we all chose. And then I'd like to give our listeners at home and update. I think that my Emoji for the year is going to be the Kissy faced with a heart. John Let's say and then you have one. That has yeah. She won art. I I don't like the Kissy faced with no heart because it looks like the way that children draw the giants Jarvis bad and so Michael Return nineteen is a but in D- I think pretty much. Just a but yeah. I WANNA work toward the bike. So I think is the crosswalk little story about. Why and the reason is if you've ever read this book called and don't see the movie it's fucking terrible. Eat pray love. I know I found his Any pre loved. She is challenged by a group of friends to find a word that means something to her so at the beginning of the book. They're like what's your word like I'm fucking up. And by the end of the book she is in Italy and she over hears her Italian friend across the street saying Ottaviano but it means to literally to crossover both in across loch but also to make a transition
Overcoming a general distrust of people and the benefit of taking risks
"And welcome to the show. My name is Paul Kalyani. I'm here to help you. Increase your emotional intelligence so that you can avoid dysfunction handle toxic situations with grace and ease and show up as your authentic self. Everything I talked about on. The show is my personal opinion and has meant for information on educational purposes only always consult a medical or psychological professional before making any changes that could affect your physical or mental health. All right I got an email from someone in his teenage years. That seems wiser than I was at that age. As far as when I was nineteen. I was not thinking Well I wasn't thinking I wasn't thinking of a lot of stuff and This person wrote to me and I'm GONNA call him. Joe and Joe is asking me a question about trusting people. And how can you get into a space of trusting people? And I'm just gonNa read you the email and I just wanted to kind of prime you. For what the subject matter of this emails about Joe Says You've been an integral part of my mental health journey. Your insight and past experiences have helped me immensely and adopting a much healthier mindset. Great to hear I'm the stereotypical teenage burnout. Nineteen now and I have a history of getting bullied and past trauma that I never healed from up. Until this past year I ended up resorting to drinking a much better mindset now but some residual problems still arise just barely got over the hump of accepting myself for who I am warts and all and I'm making my first step toward pulling enjoyment out of life again as someone who is previously depressed and anxious. I making great efforts to try and feel positive emotions again and part of this has been making myself susceptible to the bad again for me. This means approaching fear and distrust of people. What I've come to notice that I that I have an innate mistrust of people and I keep my guard up in almost every situation I entered when I see strangers on the street. I'll try to protect myself by making up stories in my head about them stories like well. They're probably extremely rude anyways. This has kept me out of even taking jobs in anticipation that I might be working with these false characters in my head. It's a cynical world view that's meant to protect me but I want to get rid of it and I want to keep myself open to the love that people can give me that being said what can I do to be more emotionally tender and less cynical about this whole situation. I WanNa form these genuine human connections and stop myself from hating or otherwise. Being disgusted with other people logically. I know that they're just trying to live their life and maybe kind and compassionate people like yourself but thank you but my brain refuses to quit seeing the general public in such a negative light. I WANNA learn to love people again. If there's any advice you could give. I'd love to hear it. Thank you so much you've done so many people great service for that. I hope you're proud of yourself. Thank you Joe. Thank you for your kind words throughout in. I appreciate that you wrote this to me and shared this with me I get where you're at in the cynical space. I actually walk around quite cynical myself. I shouldn't say cynical. I shouldn't say skeptical. I Walk Around. Skeptical. I really don't have an antitrust people as well now. That doesn't mean I don't like them. That doesn't mean. I won't talk to them and give them an opportunity to share their views their values their beliefs. It's just that when you have gone through what you've gone through the bullying. They childhood TRAUMAS. Whatever they are You tend to have different view of the world and went through that went through some old childhood traumas and bullying colic household. And all kinds of stuff that you know. A lot of us have our own experiences. When we're younger and we developed these perceptions of the world and the world shows up through these filters that we create and then we have certain fears and insecurities that can develop if we never look at those filters the good news is you're nineteen at nineteen like I said at the beginning. I wasn't thinking I was experiencing life. I wanted to move to Florida and watch beautiful women I mean that was my childhood mindset. And let's say in your child but I was. I was a young young child at nineteen. I just had you know I could drive a car and I was working and I was saving money but I was still very immature for my age so to have the kind of thoughts and thinking that you're doing now you're already light ahead. It sounds like you won't hit that. Hey I'm thirty five MIDLIFE CRISIS. I need to go to therapy. Like a lot of US did When we were growing up and we had the same kind of background but If you can address this and tackle this now you're gonNa have a great life or at least you're going to know how to handle the challenges in stresses that come at you so if you're listening to the overwhelmed brain in your learning about yourself and whether you seek therapy or not but you're always doing self help you're always trying to improve yourself in some way. Then you're already on the right path so even though you have what you might think are these limitations like I see that person. I don't trust them so I make something up Just to justify why I don't trust them. You might have those thoughts going on but even though you have those thoughts I want you to give yourself a break and you know be easy on yourself because coming out of the childhood that you experience and starting to accept yourself is a simply a stepping stone in a stepping stone in the right direction. It's a direction so pat yourself on the back. Inflate that ego a little bit. I'm all for it and when you do you say I've come so far. Wow this is great so what you have some skepticism or cynicism about other people and I know what you're thinking that's not. I don't want a motivational speech. I want advice. I want Something I can use I agree. I'm GonNa see if I can help you there but I I things I get into the space that Ham nineteen. I'm learning this stuff so much faster so much sooner than so many other people and that already puts you ahead of the game and you are already on the right track from the stuff you shared so remember to remind yourself that you've already gotten pretty far and if you're not there yet that's okay too and if you have to go through another duration or length of time where you are cynical about other people then so be it. I'm helping you disconnect from the resistance or let go of the resistance that you have about your own limitations when we let go of the resistance that we have about ourselves we give ourselves a break. That's similar to what I say on the forgiveness episodes when I talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness is forgiving yourself a break for how you showed up at one time or for how you're showing now you forgive yourself a break so give yourself a break. Forgive yourself even though you may not think you need to forgive yourself. Then just take out the word for and say. I'm going to give myself a break. I am being judgmental toward that person. Making stuff up about that person. That's okay I'll give myself a break. That's okay because I'm still learning this stuff. I'm still getting used to the world. I need to learn to trust the world again and you may not think you're there yet and maybe you have these challenges that come up for you. Maybe you feel like grabbing drinking swallowing your negative emotions or something. I hope that you're able to overcome that if you haven't already you know that's not a fun lifestyle to get addicted to alcohol or any type of drugs where you are covering or hiding or repressing or denying your emotions. When you do all that then you want to drink more and you want to smoke more and you want to shoot more in whatever the drug terms are WanNa do all of that stuff. Because you don't want to deal with your emotions but what you're doing now is you're dealing with them. Paul I want to deal with my emotions. Great how many nineteen year olds. Say That you may not know I do. It's I hardly ever get that. I get the occasional person in their teenage years that rights to me. And Hey there's an old soul there's someone who's developing wisdom early. I mean that's the thought that goes through my head. This person's developing wisdom so early. I didn't start until I was in my late thirties. And hear somebody is that comes out of the woodwork. And says you know I've been through this stuff and I had a traumatic past and I've been bullied and I feel stressed and I've been drinking and I'm just trying to get on a better path and I'm starting to get there but I have this one issue so again going to bring it back and say give yourself a break four. Give yourself a break if it needs to be there
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mixtape
"The women that came really felt like they were being engaged, and they were learning and they were doing more than just raising money, but they were actually learning about needs in the community and how best to meet them. Welcome to midlife mix tape the podcast. I'm Nancy Davis co and we're here to talk about the years between being him and breaking one we do belong. Tell me why he and in slung. This episode is brought to you by the San Mateo county fair. If you're looking for a fun way to inject a little more live music into your lives. The San Mateo county fair has gone on with their twenty nineteen lineup on June fourteenth. For instance, the fiesta hall, which is the main stage is going to feature funk soul icons, the Commodores. You know, there's gonna be some sweet sounds going down on that night shift. And now I'm going to sing that for the rest of the day. A love that song and easy later lift me up you could spring for gold circle. Admission to the San Mateo county fair which includes fair admission plus reserved crime stating but the show is free for general admission folks too. So find out more information and get your tickets at San Mateo county, fair dot com. That's San Mateo county. Fair dot com. Hi, everyone. This is Nancy. And that's one of the reasons you can tell I'm a gen xer. Do you know anyone under the age of thirty five name, Nancy? I bet you do not. But do you know a hundred Nancy's who are between the ages of thirty five and sixty five I bet you do. I'm really glad you're joining me for the midlife mix tape podcast today because we have a great show in store. But I I want to let you know that tickets are going fast for the midlife mix tape live event at the beta brand podcast theatre in San Francisco on Thursday may thirtieth. We're gonna have live music audience games and a great guest. So if you're in the bay area, please come on out for a free fun night. And if you're not in the bay area, but no people who are sun. The my way you definitely don't need to be a fan of this podcast or podcast journal to enjoy what we have planned for the evening, but I bet you will be one you leave head on over to the midlife mix tape Facebook page for event details or find out more at midlife mix. Tape dot com in the right hand side bar onto today's topic. Giving circles a few. Episodes back. I mentioned that I've been part of a giving circle for almost fifteen years. It's a group of women who get together every quarter to pool our funds donate to various causes that one of our members has presented we've paid to put young women in Uganda through college. We've funded community vegetable gardens in food deserts we've helped furnish apartments for formerly homeless Oakland residents, and it has been a blast. Seriously. Those four meetings are usually the highlight of my whole year because we start with food and drink and gossip. Yes gossip and we end knowing that we've made a positive difference for someone. But there are a lot of models for giving circles beyond the one that I participate in. So I was thrilled. When today's guest Jacqueline Jacobs caster agreed to come on the show and talk about hers in nineteen ninety nine Jackie founded, the every child foundation a membership organization based on the giving circle model that provides meaningful involvement opportunities for educated professional women. The every child foundation is now recognized as one of the most important and efficient charities in the Los Angeles area. It's worded more than ten point five million dollars in grants to nonprofit agencies helping children while at the same time keeping overhead well below ten percent by engaging members as volunteers in the process of selecting the grantee Jackie's won multiple awards recognizing her service to the community, including the Santa Monica. Westside YWCA woman of the year for two thousand five and the silver shingle alumni award for distinguished service to the community from Boston University school of law in two thousand nine she has also been honored with the sister, Janet Harris award from loyalist law school in Los Angeles for juvenile Justice, advocacy, work and she received the twenty eleven momentum award from the women's foundation of California. I'm gonna warn you in advance. I'm rail fired up about the topic of giving circles so strap in we're gonna talk with Jackie. Welcome to the midlife mixed tape. Podcast Jacqueline Jacobs caster. Thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you for having me. I'm really eager to find out more about every child foundation and York with giving circles and hopefully between the two of us. We're going to give our listeners of sense of why that's a good midlife activity to pursue. But I wanted to start with our first question, which is what was your first concert in? What were the circumstances? Well, it was about nineteen seventy two I believe I was fifteen and I was in Kansas City. That's where I grew up. And I went to the count town ballroom to hear the nitty gritty dirt band with my very first boyfriend. Fred off read what a good choice for a concert. It was fantastic. I still remember Mr. bojangles, and that was one of my favorite songs of the time. And I remember when I went home, I smelled like a giant Reefer? I walked in the door. And my mom said where have you been at a skunk convention mom? It was crazy while something change at least here in Oakland. If you go to a concert, that's the perfume. You're gonna wear home regardless of what? That's such a great band to gosh. I'd forgotten about that song, Mr. bojangles. Are there any more current bands that remind you of them? I'm just curious if you listen to more current stuff that kinda gives you the the same feeling it oftentimes when I hear band of horses. I think they would have totally rocked out in the seventies. That's exactly the right vibe, you know them, and I don't I have to admit I notice big on current music. I should be even though I have to twenty something children while I always get to put a music video at in the show notes page, so I'm going to put in my favorite band of horses song. So you when you see your episode go live, you can check it out. And see if you agree with me. Okay. Great. All right. So I want to start by talking about every child foundation and giving circles, let's start at a really high level. And I'd love to have you explain to our listeners what are giving circles, how do they work, and why do they work? Well, first of all when I started every child, I did not know what to giving circle was. I never heard of it in. I didn't know the concept at all. But. Giving circle is it's a group of people who band together pool resources and collectively decide where those resources should go in they make grants. So that's the concept and the concept is an old concept. I mean, it's it started like in the church basement where people passed around a hat and decided to help needy family that was going through tough times. I mean, it's a concept. It's been around forever. I feel like I saw in the news of bunch in the early two thousands never heard of it either. But you know, as you say, it's just it's kind of an old concept. That's got a new title. But how did it get started? You were you obviously weren't getting wake up when word inside while. I'm going to start giving circle. No. I actually was in the bathtub. That's true. So I was in my early forties is almost twenty years. Now, I had been an attorney, and I also had a masters in city and regional planning I worked in real estate consulting. I did feasability studies for large urban redevelopment projects and along the way I was on boards of nonprofit organizations because I grew up in a family that
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mixtape
"The good news about bravery is that it is learned. So all you have to do is practice. And of course, you don't practice by immediately signing up for skydiving lessons. Welcome to midlife mix tape the podcast. I'm Nancy Davis co and we're here to talk about the years between being him and breaking one we do belong. Tell me why he and woods taking slung Cuna move. On today's podcast is brought to you by audible, get a free audiobook download and thirty day free trial at audible trial dot com forward slash midlife mix tape over one hundred eighty thousand titles to choose from for your iphone, Android, kindle or MP3. player. So many great books so little time. I don't know about you guys. But I'm always way behind when it comes to the number books like to read and the number. I have time to get to. So what better solution than listening on the go? If you want to give it a try head over to audible trial dot com forward slash midlife. Mix tape for your free audiobook. How you guys? Welcome to the midlife mix tape podcast where we celebrate midlife with humor heart and a really good beat. I'm Nancy or a seri- likes to call me Alice. Shan't my kids trained Siri to call me that many years ago, but I'm the one who decided to make Syria and Australian male in part because I love getting the laugh every single day when Syria says something to me like a elephant looks like you not connected to the WI fi or coming up elephant exit to give Ville by Liz fair. I only learned this week that Syria can help you find and subscribe to the midlife mix tape podcast, you guys maybe already knew that. But you can just say something like play the midlife McStay podcast or play my newest podcasts or play the tenth episode of the midlife mix tape podcast. And if you're already listening to an episode, you can say Siri subscribe to this show, and maybe Siri will say something to you like, Allah, shan't Knowle's mate already sorted. Good on. Yeah. That's if you set it upright it was kinda. A weird this week because my male Australian series, suddenly became a female Australian Syrian it felt like switching it back with undermine their identity. And that is none of my beeswax. So I guess serious woman. Now, I am very happy to introduce you this week to my guest. Caroline, Paul author of the New York Times bestselling the gutsy girl escapades for your life of epic adventure, which is a rally cry for girl power. It's lean in for middle grade girls, set not in the workplace, but on bicycles tree branches sea kayaks and cliff edges. Caroline's a former San Francisco, firefighter, and a pilot and in two thousand eighteen she wrote you are mighty a guide to changing the world, which teaches middle grade kids the tactics of civil engagement in protests. So let's gather our gumption in hanging out with Caroline, Paul. All right. I am here today with Caroline, Paul. Thank you so much for coming on the midlife mix tape podcast. Caroline, nancy. I'm really sake. Thank you. We always start off with one important question. What was your first concert? And what were the circumstances? My first concert was Jackson Browne. Nice wear tanglewood in Massachusetts, which is traditionally venue for classical music and a little bit stuffy, it's an outdoor venue. At least this is the way I looked at it back, then, but I have to say that I was pretty square kid. As was my identical twin we were both square kids so going to a concert by Jackson Browne seemed just so a slight we were just busting out. All these radical moves, you are basically punk rock at that point. Yeah. Okay. And are you still a fan? Do you ever get to catch a show? No, no, gosh. I'm still a square. I don't go to shows that much unless. A fourteen year old needs a chaperone. Maybe that's the thing to do let that let the children lead. Exactly they have to say in your Ted talk. You talked about your Guinness world record attempt, and I'm going to put a link to Caroline's tedtalk. So everyone could listen to the whole story. But do would you like to say what the what the field was what your category was at least a category of of world record setting efforts right while I wasn't very skilled at anything. So I had to pick something that was pretty intuitive. So I settled on crawling, right? Okay. So if you guys want the full story, you gotta go listen to the Ted talk. But I wanted to tell you that I was in the Guinness Book of world records for just a couple of weeks for something that was almost the same level of skill. I was part of the longest soul train line in twenty fifteen in Oakland couple of friends, and I went down, and we were part of a line where we stood with. It was like three hundred thirty seven people. And we shuffled side to side for. Four and a half hours get Norway up to the top of the soul train line. And then we had like ninety seconds glory going down, the center was awesome. So I don't think it ever wanted to print or anything because Phoenix did it with three hundred forty two people week later, but. Yeah. That's desperately crawling would have taken a lot more a lot more effort. I think than what we were doing. So caroline. You've literally written the book and given the Ted talk on the importance of raising gutsy girls. And I want to know, I why was this subject so important to you. Well, I think because I'm a girl myself, and I think I valued this idea of gutsiness from a pretty young age. But I saw a lot of my peers did not even then. And certainly I see that women my age Yelm, fifty five definitely don't I don't think we really value bravery and gutsiness in our lives, and I think that's really held us back. And so it's something that I really became aware of when I was a San Francisco firefighter, when I was a firefighter. It was back in the late eighties. And it was very unusual to see a woman being a firefighter or sort of frankly, doing anything that was just a little risky, and you were the fifteenth female firefighter in a department of fifteen hundred is that right? Yes. Bit of a trailblazer. I've you know, I feel like the fifteenth is exponentially easier than the first there was a path. It wasn't that trampled yet. But there was definitely some women before me that deserve the big accolades. But that's said, yeah, it was very much outnumbered in the San Francisco fire department, and you know, honestly, people were just saw a surprise to see a woman as a firefighter, and that was actually kind of fine. I get it it they weren't there. Just simply weren't that many of us, but I would really surprise them. And there were of course, a lot of doubts to write us very physical job, and you have to be very physically strong to be a firefighter. So it didn't actually surprise me that much that people weren't quite sure whether women in general, Orion particular could physically do the job. But what really surprised me is? They did not think I was brave enough to do the job that I did not understand. And it wasn't just men, and it wasn't just the firemen. It was men and women. Civilians and firefighters, and that was really disheartening it your Ted talk. You say you're not you characterize yourself as not against fear, just pro bravery. So what's the difference in? Why do you think people underestimated you on that front will? I mean, I think there's a big difference between being pro bravery, and that's the underlying paradigms by which he decided to live your life, and I had begun to see from a kind of a pretty young age. But I I don't think I had the smarts. Or even the actual words. Maybe maybe even the culture didn't have the words at the time to really understand this. But I could see that we just didn't value. And as a result, teach bravery in girls, and yet, that's that's the paradigm that boys. Grow up in a bravery paradigm. They have to approach most of what they do with bravery. And we are taught to approach almost everything we do with fear, and that's a big difference in how you end up living your life. So when I say on probationary what I mean is is that we should also have. Bravery paradigm. And the reason I say this is because fear really shuts things down. And I think men realized that it stops you from acting. It's really about not getting outside your comfort zone. If you follow a fear paradigm. You're never gonna get outside your comfort zone, and you're also not going to be able to practice risky exciting things in your life. Let me just back up a little and say at your parent. Nancy, right. Does this resonate with you? And I say this. I mean, we have we have said for a long time are two girls were house cats. I mean, they've come to it in different ways. These girls who auditioned for performances and go out on a stage in situations to perform where you know. I don't know where they get the nerve to do it. But if they didn't want to go do something risky. I wasn't out there saying, yes, you should try it. I was like great that aligns with my interests to what I've noticed. And I think what parents around me also start to notice when I just bring it up is that we actually parent are girls differently than our boys. And you don't have a have boys, right, right? As two girls. You know, when you when you have a boy and their studies that back this up when you have a boy, you don't caution them a lot. And if they do say, they're scared about something you push them to move out of that fear paradigm because you're worried for their future. Right. If they approach life like that a boy approaching life like that is a shocker and parents train them early to take risks and to play hard. And play muddy. But with girls, we're again in their studies that show this. We just caution them way. More say don't do that. You say watch out, we say careful, and if they embrace the fear that we're telling them to we encourage it. And then what ends up happening is girls is at we learned that there's a lot of things to be scared of right? There's a lot of things we shouldn't do if they're dangerous because we're gonna hurt ourselves. And if we are going to do them, we should ask for help. Now when you carry that from girlhood into adulthood, those aspects we think we're protecting girl by instilling become real burdens as women because we don't trust our own decision making. We don't have the confidence to look
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mixtape
"You. You may have heard the little yelp. I made win Jonathan suggested a midlife gap year. Holy Lord is at an idea whose time has come. It is so brilliant and so needed, and I say this because I went over to the midlife mix tape Facebook page, and I went to midlife mix tape on Twitter and Instagram to ask what you guys thought of the idea, and you liked it to put it mildly. There were tons and tons of ideas of what people would do if given a magical midlife gap year, and I think ninety nine percent of them involved a passport there were semesters at sea and at Oxford there were writing retreats in Mexico and cooking classes in Greece. There were seven continent pilgrimages, and there were people who wanted to teach and build schools in less developed areas of the world. There is an entire midlife mix tape nation just waiting to take over an Italian village. And there were in fact, a thousand reasons why we should normalize the idea of a midlife gap here. So who's with me who is in charge of midlife gap your policy for planet or if? I need to have them on the show. It also makes me big issue. Do another travel seemed episode of some kind if you haven't already heard episode seventeen with travel writer Levinas Spalding that when might tide you over. In the meantime, could we talked about midlife gap years making it a thing. I think Andrew McCarthy he's a travel writer, and he's now a director at the National Geographic channel, I think he probably has connections. Speaking of travel, I did post a few pictures on Instagram and Facebook from our trip to pick up. Our study abroad daughter over the holidays. It was really fun. We got to go to Ireland. She studied in Dublin all semester. So we were there. And then we had a few days in London in the only downside is that now. My husband says the word thirty three with an Irish accent Turkey tree he loves that were Turkey tree. If there's Turkey tree of anything. He really wants in supplies. Do not give him cause to say Turkey tree at anytime. Okay. Thank you. As for book update. I send in my next round of Edison, mid January. So this week I'm going to. Find out if there's anything left to do or for pretty close to ready to go. So please pray to whatever higher sources available to you that it's the ladder. And I also saw much further developed covers that made me so happy. So we're definitely moving in the right direction there. I'll know the release date pretty soon. And I promise I'll tell you when I get and I'm always happy to hear from you guys at DJ at midlife mix tape dot com or find me on Instagram Facebook and Twitter at midlife mix tape, if you like the podcast, please share it with your friends, you may need to show them. How to listen to a podcast. I you'd be surprised how many people still think they can't get them on their phones. So maybe you could help if you know, how I've taken many an iphone out of someone's hand in introduced the owner to the purple podcast tile. Okay. I knew we usually have two weeks between episodes, but I wanna go into the new year with some momentum. So episode forty seven is coming out all ready next Tuesday. My guests will be the two founders of prepare to launch you an online program designed to help midlife women. Enter the workforce. I promise there are tips that apply regardless of your gender or your job status. So tune in next week for my chat with prepare to launch. You ladies? Thank you so much for listening. Remember everyday brings you one step closer to the upside of the curve. I wish it for all of us. All right. You guys have a wonderful week. Don't NEC stumbling me down. If you want me the. Stop them on. To need had the means would with you want from me being b b. He.
"midlife" Discussed on Midlife Mixtape
"Hit it. I was in the closet for the second time in my life. First time so young man when I was gained didn't acknowledge it, and I can tell you it is it is really hard to deal with emotional stuff without any kind of support on the midlife crisis. Mean it's not completely wrong. Midlife is difficult for a lot of people. But the crisis idea makes it so much harder to deal with than it should be. You know, I think part of what your book does and part of what you have found as a as an antidote to this is to normalize net. Talk about it share with other people that you're you know, feeling disappointed and you're not exactly sure why. And I think this book, and we were just talking about the fact that one of my guests. Last year was Barbara, Bradley Hagerty, who wrote life reimagined. And I think there were some similar strains in that in terms of just putting it out there. Yes. People feel this way and people at midlife have these kinds of existential questions, and that's okay. It's totally normal and you'll get flu whittle Tolan orlea and time is your friend in this situation. Another problem is we make the false assumption that if we've peaked at fifty you know, the best is behind us because now we're going to age and get senescence and lose capacity and become sad and for much and then die. That's right. Yeah. Look forward to no wonder people fifty Phil what I have done by. Now isn't going to get on. The opposite is true the emotional peak of life for most people is in their sixties seventies even eighties as we age. It gets easier to be positive our brains actually change. This is you know, you can see this in FM. Our machines we experience less stress in any given situation less emotional volatility were better at balancing, multiple emotions. And we reprioritize we become less interested in climbing. The greasy pole of life, you know, scoring points and social ambition getting that great job that, you know, perfect house, and we get more interested in the people the relationships that matter most to us, you know, the grandkids the friends, and it turns out that much better way to be happy. So one of the things we've got to help people understand is it's it's totally natural than totally normal. It's not a crisis. To feel low at midlife. And in fact, there's this payoff actually, it's a transition to contentment the turns out to be very surprising to most people later. It's all there was one graph in the book that I went back to a few times and it tracks. So it tracks and help me if I'm not summarizing this correctly. But it kind of looks at what people expect their level of happiness to be over time versus their actual measured level of happiness. And what happens as people expect to be happier than they are. And then they're not as happy at that time. So they lower their expectations and they're still lower. And it just kind of reaches a Nater, you know, at midlife. And then they think it's going to continue to go down. They think they're going to continue to get less and less happy as time passes. And instead they start getting happier. And because the gap is bigger and bigger they're like delightfully surprised that they're happy. And so that's the curve. That's that. You know, that's kind of what the curve looks like. And it's it's kind of this idea of lowering expectations can really. Pay off for you. Right. The less. You're trying to live up to the more. Delightfully surprised you'll be? Yup. And it sounds well that's going to be depressing. I'm gonna lose my expectations in become pessimistic. But that's not how people experience it. The the book is you know, is full of real people stories I interviewed dozens and surveyed hundreds and people don't experience this process is okay. I guess I have to settle for less. I'm never going to be Michaels in life. They experienced in this as a change in priorities for things that matter more, they experiencing as actually I'm doing many of the same things in my life. But I'm feeling there's additional depth to my life. There's additional meaning. But yeah, the most the they're two huge surprises for me writing this book one is the one I just told you that happiness contentment increases as we age right through the end of life. The other is midlife slump. Is very often literally about nothing. I mean, literally, it's about nothing. We assume if we feel unhappy in our forties while there's something wrong with my life. Maybe my marriage. Maybe my job. I assume that I had fantasies about leaving my job that can cause a real crisis because that's not actually what is happening, right. What's actually happening? Is this self-generated internal process of change in our brains in our values in our expectations all going on at once. It's subjective. And part of the reason it's so important to reach out and have a social framework for this adjustment. Not have everyone fighting through it on their own is to help people avoid the mistakes that can happen in midlife. Only miss attribute what's going on. You know, when we throw away the good marriage that we could have saved we make big mistakes. Most people don't do that most people to soldier on. That's what I did. But some people, you know, there's a profile of a guy in my book who know went out and started drinking, and he thought he was unhappy work. He was just. Experiencing this transition that he started drinking, and he spiraled and he crashed and he wound up losing his job and being in rehab, so midlife crisis can occur. But it's usually because we mishandle this natural transition,
"midlife" Discussed on KQED Radio
"Midlife that's all on forum today from nine till eleven here on kqed public radio or it's 19 minutes past date from npr news in washington i'm lakshmi sang president trump is predicting good things ahead for the white house now that retired general john kelly the former homeland security chief has been sworn in as his new chief of staff he will do a spectacular job i have no no doubt as chief of staff what he's done in terms of homeland security is recordshattering you look at the border you look at the tremendous results we've ad and you look at the spirit and with a very controversial situation has been very little controversy which is pretty amazing by itself kelly replay mrs rains previous he was abruptly replaced last week his departure is the latest in a string of highprofile departures from the trump white house in the last six months and israeli officials says five palestinian antiquities dealers in jerusalem has been arrested for suspected offenses connected to the sale of smuggled artifacts to the owners of the humvee lobby arts and crafts chain and pierce annual estern says earlier this month hobby lobby owners agreed to pay a three million dollar federal find the owners of havi lobby are planning to open a bible museum this fall in washington anerican prosecutors said they bought smuggled iraqi artifacts now israeli police have arrested antiquities dealers in jerusalem following a joint investigation with us authorities he tom kline of israel's antiquities authority tells npr the dealers are suspected of his rarely tax evasion for their sales to hobby law the owners the dow is up 73 points this is npr news twenty minutes now past the hour let's go back to ted stevens for more about the commute this morning ted still a pretty tough ride through pleasanton matt on phones six haiti starting at stonebridge drive to signal boulevard what's complicating matters is a crash involving a car and a.