18 Burst results for "Maria Machado"
Carmen Maria Machado's Queer Horror Stories
"So. We are super excited to talk to author Harmon. Maria Machado when we first admitted Carmen on the show we wanted to talk about her memoir. That came out a couple months ago in the drain house. The bug is about her experience in an abusive relationship and plays with John Rouse like fantasy and horror. It is such an amazing book. And we're still going to chat with her about it but right before we were scheduled to interview her. The pandemic took hold and we were all told to social distance and this whole experience with the corona virus pandemic really reminded us up two stories and comments. First Book. A book of short stories called her body and other parties. These two stories are literally about pandemics and they are eerily similar to. What's happening today so we had to ask her about them. Okay so Carmen. Your first book came out in twenty seventeen. It's called her body and other parties in in it they're not one but two stories about pandemics. One is called Real. Women have bodies and the other's called inventory so my first question for you is. Did you know that this was going to happen? You know part of what you're good at. If you're a good writer as you pay attention and I feel like when stuff like this happens like obviously. I didn't know it was going to happen. But I think just generally being like an observer of human behavior an observer of society observer of just sort of. What's going on in sort of drawing from that and the idea of like what happens if you're a person who like you know sort of runs on like human contact like so many people immense suddenly. You're not able to have that contact. I mean I've done a lot of reading in the band played on the AIDS crisis in like. I think I was thinking about that when I was reading inventory. So that story inventory. It's about a mysterious pandemic that sweeping the world and and killing people and the story is sort of written like a journal. Like you get these brief entries written by the main character and what she's doing is recounting every sexual partner. She's ever had And what we found really interesting. Is that by telling each of these stories chronologically you get these little details about what's going on with the pandemic around her. I'm wondering how did you come up with that form and format for the stories? I wrote the story at a workshop that I went to end. It was a few weeks in an early on in the workshop. Another student had workshop to story which was can handle sexual content and was also very sexist and during the critique I sort of commented on the sexism of the story and later he sort of made a comment about how obviously I hated the story because I was prudish or that I didn't like sex in fiction. Challenge accepted exactly so then. I like you know I'm GonNa read a story. That's entirely sex scenes like I'M GONNA use the sexiness a unit of measurement for for this next story and so I sat down and I began thinking about. How would you serve? Release a little dribbles of information were like know. The reader is sort of getting sick. Little pieces of A story that's like much bigger League alongside the big stuff. There's always the small stuff you're always doing things like having sex while something really bad happens in the world around you look. It's always true Guinea. You're always making noodles while somebody's being blown apart in another country. Internet me or in your country like that tension always exists. You're living your life in the small ways always alongside huge huge large scale tragedy war and death and loss so the stories were shifts focused between what's happening in the background but like this young woman's sort of like sexual journey in sexual weakening the lens through which the The sorts of materials being examined and eventually collides in this thematic way. Because it's about like touching human contact and there was like a part where she sleeps with this like former CDC employee whose like if people would just stay apart we would not have this virus a hand right right. People won't do it and so he continues Sort of like you know the world is falling apart and yet like your junk is still going to be your junk like. You're still dealing with being a person exactly that your justice. So you're chunk no instrument I mean inventory and also like my other pandemic story For women have bodies like I feel like both sort of address. Those like it's like what does it mean to like? Have A job. All that's going on or to Lake beat nursing a crush on somebody or certain date. Someone WORD WHATEVER
"maria machado" Discussed on Death, Sex and Money
"Carman told me she's proud that her book is complicating ideas about who abuse happens to in relationships and she hopes it makes more people feel like they can share with the been through. I said the thing I have to say you know. I passed the kidney stone. Someone else gets to see the metaphor break out. We talked about as a kidney stone. Because then somebody else gets a kidney stone the becomes a baton. The I'm Anna Sale and this is death sex and money from WNYC. And before you go. I WANNA share some of my conversation with Andrea Bernstein the the Co host of the trump INC podcast which is also put out by WNYC studios and produced with propublica Andrea has written a new book about the trump family. And Jared Jared Kushner's family called American oligarchs the Kushner's the trumps and the marriage of money and power. And let me tell you. It is chock full of of death sex and money. I talked to Andrea onstage last week at the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco about the intermingling of money and politics for the two families including for Donald Trump's father fred trump. Something else you document thoroughly in the book is for Fred Trump. He knew that real estate was not just about location. Location patient location it was about political donation donation donation. And I wondered. Do you have a sense of how he learned. Learned how to maneuver around New York City politics at that point yes history I mean he was a really entrepreneurial guy and he I mean he worked really hard. His father died his father. Friedrich trump died in the Spanish influenza epidemic. And he when he was a teenager and he had a job Bob where he would pull carts on icy roads because the mules would slip so he was a hardworking guy and he was in real estate and when he figured out in in the mid thirty s is he wanted to get a piece of a bankruptcy company that was in bankruptcy court was being divided up and the judge really had y discretion about who was going to get the pieces and he really wanted to get a piece so he figured out at that moment who controlled the judges and who control. The the judges in Brooklyn was the Brooklyn Democratic political machine and he understood that he had to cultivate ties with that Brooklyn political machine because they we're doling out. They control the judges. They control the contracts so he starts to create these ties and he gets a piece of the contract but then his huge break comes when he realizes that federal housing administrator was also a tool of the Brooklyn machine and he starts to curry favor with this person. A guy named Tommy Grace and he gets this outsized portion of federal housing administration loans which enables him to build these huge projects in Brooklyn in Queens Queens and before World War is over he becomes a millionaire in one thousand nine hundred dollars. And that's what launches him the ability to see that government support of real estate. That is going to lift it all up. And he had to get to the decision makers to make sure that when they had discretion things. We're going to go his way and I mean that is so defines the trump business model through the decades currying favour with whoever figuring out. Where is is the person who is going to be able to deliver the thing you want and then figuring out how to curry favor with that person whether it's through donation whether it's through giving to their favorite charity whether it's through charming them and taking them on his helicopter? There were a variety of ways but fred trump and then donald trump's sort of used went through all of them and you talk about the Kushner family also figuring out how to pull those levers as well. How old was jared Kushner when he made his first political donation eleven? This is one of the donations that his father had orchestrated. And if you can go and look it up and the federal elections it says records it says Jared Kushner student and it was like twelve hundred dollars thousand dollars thousand dollars to separate contributions of one thousand dollars. I think you can hear more more of my conversation with Andrea over in the trump inc.. PODCAST feed and while you're there dig back into their archives. It's an incredible show with meticulous investigative reporting reporting. That's also really fun to listen to another recent episode I loved is called turning politics into money. That's trump ink INC like inc.. Find it wherever you get your podcasts..
"maria machado" Discussed on Death, Sex and Money
"Writer Carmen. Maria Machado's latest book is a memoir of a relationship in her twenties knees when that she now calls abusive. When you say like I was abused or like my ex abused me? People get very nervous. There's just like the word creates a lot of anxiety. Eighty people in all kinds of directions. But it's much it's a useful shorthand winning Like do you have four hours and you have one second I can say to you. I can tell the whole thing or I could just say to you like I wasn't an abusive relationship. It sort of encompasses a lot of different experiences and I think it I. I believe that my experiences fit into that category landing on that word though was not easy. Carmen's relationship she writes in her book in the Dream House didn't fit fit into the images of what comes up when you say abusive relationship she was with a woman and for the most part their fights were verbal attacks. The wounds didn't leave marks Dream House as a piff Unie. She writes at one point. Most types of domestic abuse are completely legal. Carman is thirty three now and has been with her wife for seven years. The relationship Carmen documents in her book happened years ago. And her mid twenties when she was a Grad student at the Iowa Writer's workshop. It was her first relationship with a woman. She dated men before that but had thought about being with women since she was a teenager and I remember remember once having this fantasy so far back that it was before identified as queer where I basically was like if I never meet a man and Mary him I would like to like live in a big house with a bunch of women and we just like garden and cook and have a million animals What it looked like? Was this like weird beautiful queer Utopia Scenario so I feel like maybe when I rolled into this relationship like what was in. My brain was the obvious a slightly more sophisticated version of that with the understanding that I was queer But how not lost any of that idealism Yeah which is a super super bad combination as it turns out Because I knew nothing and I had this really really rosy view of what could be when you first were noticing that you were attracted to her and she was attracted to you. What did you like about the way you felt when you were with her? I liked I mean she looked at me. You know I was like a weird awkward fat girl Woman Young Woman and like I had sort of watched a lot of people in my life like have relationships and have people we really into them and like. I just didn't know if that looked like and there was something I felt like I. He was always doing the chasing. I was always sort of pursuing people and I was always the one who was trying to head initiate things and I just wanted somebody to lake. AAC Look at me and be like I want you. You know. And that's exactly what she did. I mean I I don't know if feel silly to say it out loud because it feels so smiler and so simple and easy but like I mean I think when I look back on it I mean I was writing this memoir like I kept thinking like how comparising it was. How easy that was? You know how I just sort of like you know. I imagine it's like you know how the Dodos like when the men landed on those islands on the Dodos just like Waldo auto wrapped them. Because they're like what the fuck are you you know so you're the Dodo and this metaphor. Yes but she walked up to you like she year. You're describing that she like oh you she looked at you and you weren't having to work for it. Yeah I guess I also think that You Know I. I didn't have a great sense of like at the time I felt like the scenario and be like. Oh then you know how could you be the Dodo. Because she's it she's the one who sort of putting your heart out there but like the fact is actually that's not what was happening at all Because in re in retrospect what was actually happening was part of. It's it's like a fairly stable pattern I don't know if you're familiar with the idea of like love bombing Tell me about love bombing. I don't know what that means. Assist idea it doesn't just apply abusive relationships but it just applies to like. There's we're sort of part of the process of being prepared for this. It's like cycle of like worship and sort of devastation Is this sort of like walking up something. You are perfect. You are everything. You are a flawless human. Being being like a entered of creating the sense of like like putting it up on his massive massive pedestal for the purpose of them beings were knocked down. And I say this I don't mean to say it as if like. That's a part of a calculating plan because I feel like it's a lot more complicated than that but it's sort of this first step so this first step was somebody saying to me like I won't. Oh you like I'm obsessed with you. Everything about you is perfect. which is the thing that no one had ever said to me before their connection was intense in -veloping even and and so two common learned early on where they're fights? She says her ex. That's what she calls. Her in the book would scream at her say demeaning meaning things to her. I remember when my ex would yell at me. There was just. This is the only way to describe it. It's like you're Safa guests getting kinda yet to the side side. There's like this sort of brief kind of nausea. That would happen. was there a pattern that developed like when she would become angry and curse at you. How would you respond? And then how would she respond. What became the pattern? Sometimes I would cry. Sometimes I would get angry and I would be angry at her and I would say like that was really horrible as a horrible thing to say to me Sometimes I would just kind of shut down I like. I don't I don't want to talk about this. I don't WanNa deal deal with this right now and then we get angry that I wasn't speaking. I mean it was sort of endless cycle. You couldn't I couldn't really. I couldn't really escape it. Because if I if I bang than she would serve yellen the remo yelling and if I didn't say anything she would be like hated. How you you just you? Just don't respond to me. You like nothing I could do was like correct right You know in the relationship can progress. I mean her emotional response. I mean you certain things became triggers. That were like recognizable. She was very jellison so anything that could be perceived as me me expressing you know how like happiness about the presence or existence of another person of any nine became like a kind of trigger to learn to avoid talking about other people who will do they did. Yeah anytime I mentioned anybody I mean if I was like I have a student student of really great on a on a paper on a story she like you. Do you WANNA sexual without student. And I'd be like no with Hell's wrong with you. I mean in the beginning getting I feel like I felt very exasperated a lot. You know 'cause I was like what are you. Don't even know how to respond to this. But then by the end I was just like Sorry I don't know I don't WanNa sleep with that person I'm sorry for bringing it up or I just wouldn't bring people up at all when this was us just starting in your relationship when these angry outbursts were happening when these fights for taking on this intensity did you think he was normal. I think I thought it was sort of a combination of things. I knew that people had seen my parents fight and I knew that that the thing that some people did and also remember her saying to me. This thing that I didn't have never forgotten which is like she was like you know this is just what it's like to date. A woman like women are more intense like these. These relationships are more intense. And I guess I had no reason not to believe her because I was like. I mean you'd be the expert because she had dated lots of women and like like she was my first girlfriend and I was like okay. Well I mean I guess I believe you if you say to me that like lesbians are different in this way. I don't know and I think it just seemed like I was like well. You know I I guess I have intense emotions like I guess that makes sense I mean it just it just seemed to me it just seemed like it made sense in the moment and I was like okay. Well I guess you would know but also I was twenty.
"maria machado" Discussed on QUEERY with Cameron Esposito
"Studio. Had it exactly this moment and handed it to me because that the amount of fifty nine minutes and fifty seven seconds can't believe that you planned that. Can you imagine there's a knock on the door cameron. It's your baby. It's it's two and a half December when you had her. What and then you then you just puff of smoke over here? I was recording updates. It's like it's like it's put it but I'm to nobody it is. It's been such a pleasure to speak with you. Thank you so much for taking the time of Gordon I I'm I'm so scared. I feel so spooked out and I can't wait to spend the rest of my day in this place. After sweating everything is sorted through. Yeah congrats on on. All all of your well-deserved success and so much more from you in the future. Thank you Before I send you back into your day hours hoping that you would shout out Queiro oh person place or thing made you feel like you could be who you are today yes So my Queiroz my friend and an Anna's amazing and and I so I am. I came to college and and was actually the person who came into school. I'm by I'm here. I'm queer. Everything is great and I was like I want to be like her and the way that she would talk about her feelings and what she wanted and what she suddenly was like everything felt possible and she helped me put language to stuff that I had i. She's real the first escapers new and wonderful and she was in my wedding and I was in hers. We've been friends for a long meantime. Thank you thank you so much for having me UH..
"maria machado" Discussed on QUEERY with Cameron Esposito
"Too much much that is so funny actually also a have you read or seen the BBC adaptation of Finger Smith. Sarah Waters No. I knew no. It's just like it's just. It's just like that novel is very special to me. Oh Yeah Yeah. Yeah Yeah exactly. That has like a will that that novel has some asylum stuff in it to to to to women so anyway uh-huh that's done really well. I know is not horror but a stuff I read to have a sexual experience as the is the genre it was the first guy ever read and I didn't know it was like she was a lesbian author. A yard sale or something and so I was reading again that I was like it was like really gay getting sweaty. I don't know why but like I was just reading into things. Oh wait never mind yes. Pick up something that's called Finger Smith and you're like surely this isn't and I'm like she's joking around. They didn't even did anybody even realized this was the title of the book. And you're like Oh uh-huh yeah. They actually did get she meant what she said. Oh good yeah. It's really. Yeah that's really good. Well this is I wonder then. Ah What is there anything that scares you too much. That you like can't tackle it. That's a good question. You know.
"maria machado" Discussed on QUEERY with Cameron Esposito
"Of. This is the moment so yes but then they're running away. I forget why but running away and there's one American who has glasses and someone knocks into him and his glasses go flying off his face and then someone steps APPs on them and they're broke it and they like leave the tunnel with their light and it's just him and like gets down and he's sort of feeling around on the ground and can I predict something yes is it did touch a mummy leg. No he does not have to remind me GonNa touch a stand And somebody stands up and and of course he's like looking back and forth and then the camera it goes to the cameras. Pov Blurry like he can't see in direction. Dan and then you hear a sound and then he's like and then he like turns like this at. Its the mummy is behind him. There's money back there. Yes my behind I am and then the next thing you see him. His tongue is have been cut out of his. I don't like this right so this more than any other season there would be like. I was so upset that it really wants to be alive. He's alive at that point but then he's later killed. He's later killed me as a make. That's he hasn't really bad day. He is a super bad day yes they they can get the point he like is then the mommy goes back for the rest of him because he has to like. Kill him to consummate the curse. Anyway it was making any sense but But yeah so that that that horrified me so badly that I actually have a horror story which is not. It's going to be my next book. It's not in an books called Blur which is literally about a woman who goes goes to arrest stop on our way visit friend. Takes her glasses off. Washes her face when she goes to get her glasses or glasses. Or and that's restoring because I was like this for me like horror is about like good successful horror is about sort of tapping into whatever it is that if it's something as simple as like I don't like not being able to see well all or like you know like mid some are like the entire sort of crux of it is like having having Xiaobo friend you know and also like grief and other things as well but also just like these very relatable real like we're going to lose somebody. What does it mean to be dating? Someone who isn't really see you like all these other things that are fairly relatable deal with this sort of and there's a scaffolding of like whatever in that case folk horror or like body horror. Whatever kind of horror is sort of going to tap into that experience and to me? That's what makes me that fucks me up way more than like any kind of like jump scare or whatever what is true like like heart pounding like sweating right. It's like I'm so upset. Originally my mouth is take. This.
"maria machado" Discussed on On Point with Tom Ashbrook | Podcasts
"From NPR and Wvu. Are Boston Magnetic Roberta and this is on point Carmen. Maria Machado's memoir of an abusive relationship is called in the dream house. The acclaimed writer and previous National Book Award Finalist Walks US through this dream house room by room. Each each room each character taking shape in a different genre. It's hard to describe what this memoir is like a dream shapeshifts from moment to moment memory to memory. But it's not hard to describe what it does. Machado's book gives us a bravely. Intimate powerfully researched exploration and exposition of what abuse can look Mike. And how it's experienced an LGBTQ relationship so this our conversation with Carmen Maria Machado and you can join us. What questions do you have have about intimate partner violence in the LGBTQ community? What questions do you have for acclaimed writer Carmen? Maria Machado join US anytime online on twitter and facebook and on point radio and Carmen Maria Machado joins us today from Philadelphia. She's a writer in residence at the University of Pennsylvania and author of the two thousand Seventeen Short Story Collection and National Book Award Finalist Her body and other parties her most recent memoir is in the Dream House and we have an excerpt of it at on point radio dot Org Carmen. Welcome to on point. Thank you so much for having me. It's terrific to have you. I was wondering if you could start draft. Actually just reading An excerpt bright from near the beginning of of in the Dream House From the the section titled Dream House as Luck of the draw. You could just set it up for us and read it to us. I think I I would just love to have people here. The lyricism of your writing right from the top of the show. Sure yes we need. Just set it up. A little bit of each chapter of the book has a sort of genre element or a trump or something else as her an organizing principle. So this one is luck of the draw when you started writing about fatness along time ago in your live journal a commenter said to you that you were pretty and smart and charming but as long as you resolve to. You'd never have your choice of lovers you remember feeling outrage. And then processing the reality the practicality of what he'd said you were so angry at the world you wondered when she came along if this was what most people got to experience in their lives a straight line from want to satisfaction faction desire manifested satisfied in reasonable succession. This had never been the case before it had always been fraught. How many times as you said and if I just looked a little different I be drowning in love now? You got to drown without needing to change a single cell lucky you carmen. Maria Maria Machado reading from her memoir in the Dream House. Now we will talk about how you wrote this. Because every every reviewer viewer every conversation I've I've seen about this people are just. They're gobsmacked at at your your skill and the approach that you take but I'd love love it Carmen. Before we get to that though is that you are telling a story of your life a very powerful thing that happened to you. Can you just tell us sort of looks through it this way if I may Like in the dreams as radio conversation out just and Telepho- little bit of of the story of the abuse that you experienced. I sure so when I went to graduate school at this point many years ago I met this really Seem to be an amazing woman who I fell in love with and she in love with me and we began this really. What seems like a really wonderful relationship in the beginning And sort of as the relationship progressed sort of little things begin to happen into kind of crop up and they got some bigger bigger and scarier And Yeah and it just became this like very actually sort of stabilizing really damaging really terrifying relationship than ended very dramatically at some point and so yeah. That's it that's it. You're not sure how I feel like well you're right in a nutshell because obviously it's this very profound complex thing. Do you take time and care to guide US through in the book but how. How much did this relationship mean to you at the onset onset of it I mean it meant a lot because I mean I had always been? I knew I was queer. I had dated a lot of men in. This was my first sort of girlfriends that I've ever Had and I remember in the beginning of sock exciting thinking to myself like this is what I've been waiting for my whole life as someone who loves me and like sees me for who I am uh-huh and makes me feel really good and I mean it was. It felt like everything that I had been looking for in everything that I hadn't gotten from these other relationships and and then it starts falling apart. I mean what were some. I'm asking you these questions Carmen. Because I am very cognizant of the fact that there are probably a lot of people you're listening who as the very beginning of the book you know. I I if this book is for you. It's for you meaning that that you're writing the experiences of many people so just just this holiday. help us understand how what were the first signs that the relationship wasn't what you were You had hoped for I mean it's so funny because in many ways it feels like it started off so small. It's like a horror movie you know. And there's some little detail that's like a little out of place where you know in the beginning you know she was sort of you know sort of belittle. Tell me a little. There's sort of make fun of me. And she would serve. Call me names or get very angry. She got very possessive and jealous of me and when I would sort of be gone and out of the House or would talk about somebody in a way she would accuse me of wanting to cheat on her or cheating on her And Yeah there's a lot of sort of little little cruelties kind of gin to crop up And she wouldn't serve. Make me tell her what was wrong with me. So that was a thing she liked to do is to make you sort of articulate the ways in which was bad And if I talked about myself in a way that expressed any joy or pride or anything about my life for myself She would say you're such an ego maniac. You just think you're the greatest and you know after a while. I really began to believe the way that she would speak about me in the way that she would make me speak about myself. I begin to truly believe that I always thought that I was a good person. And that actually I was a monster So yeah and then eventually sort of escalate until sort of more physical things like grabbing and throwing and running and sort of more physical stuff but yeah for a long time it was really just. It was primarily verbal verbal and psychological so the cruelty of it as it creeps in. Is it just. It's kind of heart stopping the right about it. I'm wondering if you could. He could read a little bit more about this. I was going to call it a subtle devolution but I'm not even sure that's the right way of putting it but but from the section one of the book called Dream House as do on how how the how things began to turn and change. Of course she says she loves you. She says she sees your subtle ineffable qualities she says you are the only one for her in all the world. She says she trusts you. She says she wants to keep you safe. She says she wants to grow old with you. She says she thinks you're beautiful. She she says she thinks you're sexy. Sometimes when when you look at your phone she has sent you something weirdly. Ambiguous and there was a kick of anxiety between your lungs. Sometimes when you catch her looking at you knew feel like the most scrutinized person in the World Carmen. Maria Machado reading from her memoir in the Dream House. Now we'll talk more about the specifics of what you experienced. But e from the early on in the memoir you very directly grapple grapple with sort of some of the preconceived notions that people have about LGBTQ relationships about what a abuse does or doesn't look like in these relationships can. Can you tell us more about about that. The misconceptions that people have sure we'll there's sort of this idea I I think Sort of stereotype About especially lesbian relationships that they're kind of sort of ideal utopia you know that if you don't have sort of Male nonsense kind of mixed up in it. That like you're sort of day to day life is much easier and there's a kind of paradise on. I think that there's a feeling if you are looking. I'm for that and you find it. It's actually quite magical and that's true to a certain extent you know in the sense that when you're in a relationship with a woman you know there's there's different subset of power structures play than when you're in a relationship with a man But that being said I think that's her translates into this idea. That women are incapable of being violent or abusive of and sort of on the other side of that men are incapable of being abused And unfortunately that translates into these very strange ways when it comes to sort of talking about queer intimate partner violence Where people think it's not possible or it's not as bad or they're sort of also cliche or sort of a stereotype about they call mutual abuse where it's like well if there is abuse then it's it's both of them at the same time Sort of a series of these ideas and unfortunately the court community has not done a great job of trying to disabuse people of these ideas. I I think that that that it doesn't exist. I think because we've been struggling for so long deserve establish ourselves as like a category of human beings who deserve human rights which we do But unfortunately that translates to. Let's prove ourselves to be sort of virtuous unperfect as opposed to being human beings who deserve rights And towards the end of the memoir. There's a section that just I. I read it over and over again because it's so painfully revealing the you you write about how there were times that you and how messed up this that there were times that you wished you had a picture of the evidence ends of physical abuse to sort of prove to people that something terrible had happened to you. And then you you interrogate yourself even as you write that like how messed up is is that yeah well I mean I think the problem is that you know we we and by we. I mean people in general and get very attached to sort of legality and at and and sort of like the way that that structure gives us some understanding so we say like we. It's not okay. It's not legal to like. Hit somebody or or physically hurt them and that becomes sort of that translates into will. That's bad we know that's bad but when you have abuse that doesn't necessarily like cross legal thresholds or doesn't isn't necessarily illegal people struggle to sort of understand what that means and and when you describe it they'll say like we'll so what And so yeah so in the book I write this section which an it's I feel. It's weird because I feel like as I wrote it I remember writing it and thinking. This is a horrible thing to write but like thinking like yeah. I wish I had like a photo of myself with the black eyes so I could just say like this is how bad it was not because again I recognize ignites like how truly ridiculous that is and I recognize that that is a thing that people from that is a reality like what obviously never wish that on anybody but but recognizing how painful it is used to want to have proof that happened to you and not have it. Well we are talking this hour with Carmen Maria Machado. Her Memoir is in the Dream House. We have an excerpt of it at one point radio DOT ORG and we want to hear from you.
"maria machado" Discussed on Slate's Live at Politics and Prose
"I I jumped at the chance to introduce Carmen Machado as I am not only a huge fan of her body and other parties. As I'm sure pretty much all of you here are but this latest book resonated did with me in a way. That hasn't happened for a really long time as a survivor of domestic violence. Myself I can tell you that the only other people who can truly understand what you've been through or other survivors and Machado story is far too familiar for far too many of us however a whole new level of complexity is added here in that she writes about a queer relationship which is something that has been all but absent in literature until now in the dream house brilliantly flips the entire John of nonfiction on its head with chapters that recount her volatile experiences with a pass partner while infusing essays about the history stereotypes and current reality of of abuse in queer relationships. Form and genre are suggestions rather than limitations for Machado as she offers reader readers everything from pop culture references like like Star Trek and a choose your own ending chapter two informative footnotes that are often as gripping as the text itself there are also meditations on feminist in queer theory while this book delves into the dark places of love and ultimately the end of love. There's a surprising hope at the end. That is neither overly Saccharin nor expected as she says in her dedication. If you need this book it is for you and as it turns out we all need this book in the dream. House House has received starred reviews from Qurqus Book List and publishers. Weekly and is the number one indie next pick for November twenty nineteen it was also named one of publisher weekly's best nonfiction books of the year. Basically what I'm saying is you need to buy this book. In conversation with Machado tonight is genie. Banescu oh author of the class. I and most recently things we didn't talk about when I was a girl. Her writing has appeared in the believer. The New York Times Modern Love and New Yorker worker dot com among many others. She lives in Baltimore and is an assistant professor of English Italian University so now please help me welcome to politics and prose gene even Lasko and Carmen Maria Machado..
"maria machado" Discussed on Studio 360 with Kurt Andersen
"Up next in this episode. It's like this is not about defense plans is. It's not about the courtesy home world or were like anything about something else. How an episode of Star Trek the next generation helped Carmen Maria Machado? Write her memoir about being abused. Anything anything for me ostensibly. There was jealousy but really. It's not about that. It was about something much much darker spout control. That's next on studio six. I remember writing in an electric trich car for the first time about a decade ago and it was weird the quiet and everything else but of course around that same time. PODCAST seem team weird because they were new in fact they were called audio blogs back then but now people all over the world. Listen to podcasts. All the time on all kinds of devices vices and just like podcasts. Electric cars are normal. They've got longer ranges meaning. They're not just for commuting to work. You can take an electric vehicle on a short trip to the country on the weekend for instance or even on longer road trips they recharge faster than ever. So you don't have have to wait around all day to have your car battery charged up and there are more models to choose from sedans. SUV's and luxury vehicles an an even motorcycles. So you can find one electric vehicle that fits your life with more affordable models and less routine maintenance. Electric cars may actually in view money as well as the planet electric cars. They're normal now. Learn more at normal now dot com. Hi this is Kurt Anderson and I'm the host of studio three sixty. If you've ever wanted to start your own podcast. You might think you need all kinds of equipment to set it up. Turns out all you need is anchor. Anchor is an all in one free tool from spotify that lets you create your own podcast and get heard everywhere with anchor you can record edit be. I heard on all listening platforms and they'll even pair you with sponsors to help you try to get paid for your show. It all works in your web browser or right from anchors mobile lap and best of all. It's totally free. Start Your podcast with anchor today by going to anchor dot. FM SLASH STUDIO THAT'S ANCHOR DOT FM vim slash studio studio threes six. When I was a kid I watch star trek the next generation which is like the second iteration of Star Trek? It's really only one ever watched the whole thing. Many times over I remember. You're watching it with my parents and really loving it for Carmen. Maria Machado Star Trek. The next generation was her comfort food. The crew of the starship enterprise is lot of course by captain. John Luc Picard felt to her like family literally actually is to match that I was picard daughter. Waiting on the ship those like a fantasy I had these characters particular just really speak to me. There's something comforting about it. When I watched it? I feel like I'm kid because some older time and some more optimistic Basic Tien Machado's new book. A memoir called in the dream house is about a less optimistic time in her life. It's about domestic abuse so I was at Yatta which is this residency in upstate New York and Saratoga Springs in Autumn Two thousand sixteen and it was a really intense time because I was picking away at this memoir and the Dream House which goes through my relationship with an abusive ex girlfriend and so oh I wanted to have a show on in the background? So that was comforting and familiar next. I'm pretty frequently and I remember This episode started plying chain of command per to and I was intrigued by and then I stopped what I was doing And couldn't go and I couldn't do anything else. So in this episode Picard is captured by the Kardashians. which is this alien race? That is at war with the federation concocted an elaborate ruse to bring me here. Why and this room? You do not ask a question. I asked them if I am not satisfied with your answers you will die and Goal Madrid is courtesy and interrogator. WHO has taken? Riccarton is trying to get information out of him regarding defense plans for this other planet that thinking about invading even though he knows and we know the card has nothing to say to him who've injected with drugs surely must realize that I've already answered truthfully every question you put to me and then Goma Dresser switches tactics and tells the card. Shoot aware of the incision in your chest while you were under the influence of drugs you're implanted with a small device. It's a remarkable action by entering commands in this pad. I can produce pain in any part of your body and heaps demonstrates at heart buckles and it's writhing episode which is prolonged scene of torture. It's just like Battle of the Wilderness to men and I was just like sitting in my chair staring at my computer getting increasingly upset and stressed out and sowed I'm meals that can mobilize by it and I think I kept thinking like this. You saw on the nose league as I'm working on this memoir this episode just happens to be in the queue so I met this person when I was Grad School And you know it started off really amazing passionate and fantastic. There was some weird weird little in retrospect giant red flags. But like I didn't know that at the time we're like there was a lot of jealousy and manipulation and things got worse and worse and worse and really scary. There are the incidents where she like. Throw things at me and chased me and I'd like lock myself in a room to get away and I really felt helpless. I felt very lost and I felt crazy.
"maria machado" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"Also understand you've taken up drawing yeah i'm slowly trying to draw just sort of my own advocation i wonder if that'll change the way you right because drawing changes the way you see yeah no i believe it i i don't know i don't know how it will affect it but i'm gonna try yeah it's a sort of a hobby i have no designs on like becoming a visual artists but yeah i know i actually working on many other projects i i have some stuff i can actually can't talk about that sort of in the works which is all very exciting and i also have a book another book that i'm working on which is a novel in stories that i'm really excited about that has a lot of historical material that i've been doing research for a so yeah there's i've got a lot of stuff cut it in the in the pan i guess i don't know that's wonderful carbon before we close the show i was wondering if you could read passage from one of the stories in her body and other parties and i've picked this excerpt it's from the story titled the resident that we've talked about and the protagonist is reflecting on a traumatic experience and the subsequent understanding of it all right how could i have known that they had guided my trusting sleepwalking body out of the cabin and through the forest that they crouched mere feet away watching my form suspended in the clearing circling slowly in the blackness like an errant satellite my body was so cold it felt like it was disappearing at the edges like my shoreline was evaluating it was the opposite of pleasure which had pumped blood through me and warmed my body like the mammal i was but here i was just skin then just muscle than merely bone i felt like my spine was slowly pulling up into my skull each vertebra click click clicking like a car slowly ascending roller coasters i hill and then i was just hovering brain and then a consciousness floating and fragile as a bubble and then i was nothing only then did i understand only then did i see the crystal outline of my past and future conceive of what was above me in numeral stars in calculable space and what was below me miles of mindless dirt on stone i understood that knowledge was dwarfing obliterating all consuming thing and to have it was to be both grateful and to suffer greatly i was a creature so small trapped in some crevice of an indifferent universe but now i knew carmen maria machado thank you for bringing this extraordinary toward the force of a book into the world and thank you for joining me today on design thank you so much for having me you can find.
"maria machado" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"Speculation and there's just sort of other pieces that exist that i think fall outside of a more traditional i mean it's not things that i've been to there's things that other writers have already done but it's definitely not traditionally structured memoir if that makes any sense you've said this about the book i'm afraid of this memoir with a memoir there's no place to hide the screen of fiction is gone and it feels really needed really vulnerable i'm afraid people are going to ask me all kinds of overly personal questions when it comes out but really i'm afraid that i'm going to get it wrong that you'll capture an abusive same sex relationship wrong or that others who have gone through one won't be able to relate to your experience you feeling any any better i mean i don't know that there's any possibility of doing it wrong there certainly are ways to think about it into right about it that don't send her the things that you to be centered you know it's it's a very look for fraught topic it's a thing that has not been printed about a lot that's the other thing it's like the pressure of the you know single representation where it's like it's just a book that doesn't really exist i mean i sort of i know because i tried to find it you know after i i sort of went through this experience i remember i was looking for like books about domestic violence and same sex relationships and i found almost nothing i mean i found like a couple like a one why novel from like longtime ago i found a couple of essays i found a bunch of like academic books therapists and like but like that was it you know and i and i really was like how is this not zona that's been like represented more it's an aid needs to be talked about and also one that just seems like ripe for conversation and even though this i mean the creek median heavens competition for a very very long time but like never in any way that sort of bins codified by by literature almost massive scale that i think it should you refer to the now antiquated term lesbian battering and suggest that that term suggests that it's all physical and it's not what else is it about its physical it can be psychological it can be emotional sexual there are other elements that besides just again like you know someone hitting somebody else in the face and giving them a block i like which again what we imagine and like finding the space to talk about that especially right now we're having a lot of conversations about how men and women relate to each other in these ways and how culture sort of failed women and sort of having that conversation about how these things manifest in in you know career couples is really important again is sonny thing that you talk about a lot thank you for writing this it's an important book yeah i again i hope i i hope i do justice but i'm excited you always seem to be juggling multiple projects you have notes for half a dozen novels an essay collection other projects when you get bored or frustrated you said you switch gears do you have plans for anything for after the memoir because i.
"maria machado" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"In thinking about this sort of philosophy of like amuse or the sort of this other thing right was a vessel and so i was just thinking a lot about that and like what it what that means and what i'm thinking about is often like how can shifting our perspective or shifting time sir changed the way we think about certain ideas so for example in inventory which is this is a good example of this story very quickly it was an idea that came to me i wrote it down and like two hours and like but i was thinking a lot about when i was writing it i wanted to write a story that was entirely sex scenes that was like the challenge i have for myself and then i also was thinking a lot about when one of my favorite movies in the world which is children of men and that's a movie in which i've seen it you know dozens of times every time i re watch it see new stuff like there's more stuff that i have not seen before that i notice and the reason for that is there is interesting thing that it's happening in that movie i mean it happens in all films where there's this four grounding in backgrounding for inventory it's this woman's like sort of in the foreground you had this woman's sexual encounters and then the back when you have this slow creeping pandemic that's like slowly killing off people and at no point is the background foreground at like it you know you're just sort of seeing in the way that like we live our lives with tragedy in the background so like right now we're sitting in the studio look outside of the walls of this of this room all kinds of things are happening in the world and like it's only a matter of perspective right it's like you know i could frame this interview here as part of my day and it would be this like really like you know high point for my day but if you were cutting between our interview and like people in puerto rico who are still suffering and dying from the hurricane like you would seem really like petty and strange right that we were like having this very casual conversation about a book while people were like dying right and all that is like the coverage does not change it's just like the way that we sort of frame and think about it changes and you can do that in a million different ways right and so i'm just really interested as a writer and like how shifting these elements at how they relate to each other conserve change the way that you read or perceive events or characters or whatever you have an untitled memoir coming out in two thousand nineteen from gray wolf press given the clues that can be found in your piece the uss awakened dreaming about your time in indiana it sounds like it's going to be intense you recount this period with the headline in the peace and a single cryptic sentence bed with eleven to comforter bloomington indiana twenty twelve this was the bed of trauma repeated of tears and screaming and violence of body and mind rot beneath an upon sheets the color of flowers how would you describe this memoir it is sort of experimentally structured memoir that both covers like personal material and also sort of talks about domestic violence in same sex relationships at sort of the the unique qualities why experimental it's not just going to be like a straight memoirs vacuous what happened to me like there was sort of elements of essay an analysis and they're sort of elements of.
"maria machado" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"Novel so it'd be like take that out that's too obvious like it's too on the nose but like the way that that played out and i think it was really traumatic for a lot of women and i think we didn't fully acknowledge or sort of deal with that trauma because in the happened trump was president and everyone panicked so like i feel like we sort of that sort of just happened and i feel like there's just the in this like really intense crisis moment and i think a lot of people are sort of trying to reckon with these questions and in this this feeling so the book feels really relevant even though i bro so like i wrote this book like i'd sold it two years ago no at this point over two years ago and then like i wrote it fires before that so like but so like these things are always relevant right the way in which we treat women and talk about women and sort of grapple with their bodies has always been really terrible and i think i think it will be sort of a pessimist about that you're changing that i mean you've said that writing about sex is not often done we'll despite the fact in your words sexy so interesting from craft point of view it's action and it reveals more about a character than most anything else and i think you you write about sex in ways that isn't really about sex at all yeah if i could do anything i would hope that it would sort of add toward normalizing queasiness normalizing queer sex normalizing women's bodies normalizing sex sex scenes where women are sort of the the center of those scenes that are not these like sort of preferable bodies and when people come to me sort of the the biggest comment or the most frequent common i get is like it's really amazing to read stories of queer characters in them i almost never get to do that and that's like a mix so sad like i shouldn't be that you wanted the queen is in the sexual partners to be uncommon on oh yeah i feel like if no one i would be happier homeless no one asked me about that because i mean that like it was not worth commenting on because it would just be like oh of course but as it is we don't live in that world so regarding identity you've said that being queer can feel surreal there's this sense that you're seeing things that other people don't which i think is true of many groups of people who exist apart from the more culturally dominant perspective and is winning if you could talk a little bit more about that yeah i actually can consi an example that i recently listened to on a podcast that i loved i was listening to an old episode of planet money about subaru and about the way that subaru was marketed win super started sort of being marketed toward a lesbians and it was talking about how the company was struggling and they sort of figured out that like lesbians like actually a massive part of their market and so they would make these ads where like quick people would get the joke and nobody else would so it would be there'd be like one that was like you know loves camping in dogs too bad as just a car you know or like they would it would have like the license plate would have zena written on it and it was like these weird ways in which they were like nodding in the secret language toward queer consumers that like a straight person would not necessarily understand or know see brew as you hall right exactly right exactly yes there would just be really interesting way way you know it was sort of the secret language and i think obviously these secret languages exist everywhere right and they exist between people of color certain kinds of communities women have their i mean we talk about with you know now with all the metoo stuff like about the whisper network and the way that women interact with each other the women warn each other there's like level of engagement with this other space that's like mapped over the space that.
"maria machado" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"Really important to me but it was also really concerned that people will be like oh like okay a woman feminist writing about about rape lake whoop de do and i was like i wanna find a way into the story that no one can tell me that it's been done before and so i decided to have this woman who sort of post rape trying to sort of find that inner part of herself again and of course and in the story discovering that she can hear the voices of the actors in pornographic films and so you know you never use the word rape i don't that story i don't i don't i think it's informal absolutely yeah yeah but i don't i don't use the word rape she doesn't really talk about it there's a moment where she sort of like flashes to it but like it mostly sort of exists kind of outside of the story i didn't really want to show it it wasn't really important to me to show it but i was into justed in yeah like this process of rediscovering herself through this weird conceit and yeah i never a draft of it and i was like i don't know how to explain it was like ding ding ding that's it that's i've i've i figured something out and it felt like a good worthwhile unique interesting important necessary story and i'd never felt that way about anything i'd written before and i eat up in writing for my whole life and i never felt that way and that was it like that after that i was like it was off to the races it was just like didn't look back your path to publication wasn't easy you'd gotten a literary agent but during your first round of submissions new publisher would take the book how do you eventually lend with gray wolf press the process of trying to sell a book is link really terrible it's very stressful if you're coming at it as a debut author where like you're sort of outside of the system and even finding an agent was really strange because like you know back when i was looking for an agent i would write query letters to agents and also agents were visiting us i oh and i would give them my manuscript then we get this note back and people will be like oh this is interesting but like it's not quite for me or they'd be like it's great when you have a novel let me know because like no one wants to buy short stories why they don't sell a lot now my book is an exception and there are exceptions like people like what about george saunders he's always always site starts saunders is the exception because he does but like yeah in terms of like sales like people just often are don't know how to reach stories and in fact a lot of people will say to me like i normally don't like short stories but i like your shirt stories my personal theory is that it has to do with the fact that like we don't teach short story collections in schools like in public schools so like when i was in high school we would read like a handful of like classic short stories we read you know like the lottery would read the most dangerous game and like i don't know a rose for emily and like one other you know and always be the monkey's paw right and that would be it and so the stories are old and they also would sort of exist a floating in this void where it's just like oh this is just a short story collections its own creature right the the the stories interact with each other in civic way but we just don't teach that i don't think so i think people like are afraid of them they don't know how to read them because they didn't learn so yeah so they're just a hard sell and oftentimes when writers do sell them often because they've sold a novel and they sell the collection with a novel right but i only had this collection and so a lot of agents were just like i don't know what to do with this i was really lucky in that my agent kent wolf who absolutely love took me on and so yeah and.
"maria machado" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"Know people write novels never go anywhere and that's like so much the jews literally the sheer amount of pages before you're like oh no sa failed novel that's like a nightmare to me you know and i'm sure at some point all right i mean i hope to somewhere write a novel but for me it's like the pleasure of just like right now i'm writing like a ten page story twenty pay story thirty page story and that's like a very sort of contained space that i can sort of play around in an experiment and also you can sort of pull things off in the short story that a reader would not necessarily want to sustain look try to imagine like my story inventory but over the course of a novel right here like it's like it'd be like i'm sure there's a version of it that's possible but like i think that a reader would be like i'm exhausted this this former this constraint and i don't know so if somebody's in the short story just really it just works for me i really enjoy it i was reading short stories like if you recommend an author to me and i go to the library and there's like a novel in a short story collection i'll always pick up the meeting i lived through it series he'll somehow easier to manage emotionally it's just different i was telling my students like a novel is like being beat up over the course of a day and a short stories like one punch to the nose like this is like a different sort of experience of reading and i just preferred the i prefer the punch the nose i guess i don't know why for those of my listeners that have not read carmen maria mature does book yet i want to give you a little bit of a sense of what she was talking about when she referenced the short story inventory it's a list of the various sexual experiences the protagonist has over the course of her life and it's quite interesting and a nerve ing and surprising in very very unpredictable we have a book that we both love in common in highschool your english teacher mrs steinbeck i believe is her name gave you a stack of books from her personal collection that you wanted you to read and among them was gabriel garcia marquez is one hundred years of solitude you've said it blew your mind as it did me i remember reading it when i was in college read at younger i remember reading it on the bus i couldn't stop reading it so it just was like carrying it and really where and i was going to to a class and i had to take the bus to to school and i was like reading it on the bus and i finished it on the bus and i wanted the bus to never stop driving because i just wanted to keep reading this book for the rest of my life but you've said this about your experience reading it i'd never even heard of magical realism before it seemed to sink so cleanly with my perception of the world reality tinged with inexplicable events a kind of lushness that i understood but never put a name to and of course the book was gorgeous in completely overtook me after that a never wrote the same way everything seemed pregnant with magic i've been trying to recreate that experience in my work ever since do you believe in magic i want to believe i am i'm one of those people very weird space where i'm like i'm like a ruthless pragmatist and i have zero superstitions of any kind and yet i want to believe in magic like more than anything i if i could change anything about the world they'd be like i want to know that supernatural things could be true like so it's weird because like i love ghosts and they had you have ghosts but i don't believe in ghosts but i am very interested in the experience of like what does it mean when people say they've seen a ghost when people have you know i was very religious for a long time and i'm not any more but like what does it mean to have religious like why do people need you know faith in these unseen elements like what does it mean for us to believe in things like demons like how do these elements plan to what people have to sort of need or want psychologically and so yeah that's just like really interesting to me but yeah.
"maria machado" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"Way it is but yeah i understand you're a big reader when you were a kid but you got sue freaked out by rl stein's night of the living dummy book that your mom band who certain books from your i read that you liked how it made you feel afraid and you've observed that a book can reach out and do that was a really marvelous thing to learn yeah it's funny i just i literally just bought an enamel pin that is the dummies had from that book that i found it a store and it felt right that i owned it just seemed like a thing i should wear my lapel whenever possible i didn't interview a while ago where i was discussing this with the interviewer and he described it as something that changes your temperature and i was again like the work that i like is work that changes your temperature it makes you feel something because i feel like oftentimes i'll like watch a movie or read a book or play video game where like i sort of do it and then i'm like okay like that was the thing i did but like there's no sense of anything there's no like i'm not happy or sad or angrier afraid or anything i just feel like nothing i'm just like okay and that's that's like my worst nightmare as a reader and as as a writer if someone was like oh i felt nothing when i read your book i'd rather be hated your book i'd be like good i'm glad i'm glad it like folk to feeling in you that way so yes those books i couldn't tell you why i don't know why that book in particular but for some reason that was a book that so affected how i felt i couldn't sleep i the lights were on for a week my mother was just like she was beside herself she's like this is ridiculous like why are you doing this why do you think it terrified you so much i mean i haven't read it in a long time so i can't tell you anything i know it involves like like a living rental icus dummy that's like like a like a demonic possessed dummy that's about all i know i do remember i think i had nightmares about it and i think that probably like i remember like nightmares but the dummy being in my house but that's not from the book that's like from my own mind so like you know my house and the dummy and the dummy chasing people and the came out of it which is this like complete terror that just had no name but you know that's interesting that terror that has no name is almost a way that i would describe some of your stories where there's this underlying sense of tension and you tease us with it you bring it out a little bit and then you sort of begin to wonder if we did i get that right and then you have to remember and go back and there's this building sense of intensity that i've never read before never had anything like that before and it's just been an extraordinary experience reading your short stories what is it about short stories you like so much short stories i think short stories is like laboratories because they're so short you're able to sort of play around in a way where if the experiment fails you can sort of kastoria story aside and move on so like you.
"maria machado" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"Lot of the people that he knew went to he ended he didn't he didn't serve in korea proper he i mean he was at during that conflict but he was in germany as an engineer but the story that he tells us that he sort of narrowly escaped going to korea and that a lot of the men that he would have served with died while over there and he just sort of escaped by the skin of his teeth and there's this sort of way of speaking about his life that was sort of funny and rueful and structured in this really interesting way you know like a storyteller but also had this funny darkness to it and that sort of the humor and the darkness were always very close together and sort of playing off each other which i've since learned is actually a very like distinctly sort of cuban way of speaking having now been to cuba and met a lot of relatives who live there that's just i think a way that a lot of keeping folks sort of speak about the humor and the and the sort of grimness you've written this about your grandmom my grandmother was a mountain when i was a girl i'd stand next to her vanity and watch she strung herself with what i thought of as her jewels jangling glittering bengals and jadegreen lucite earrings and roped gold necklaces and swarovski crystal breaches shaped like elephants and tigers she wore leopard print nightgowns and smelled like white diamonds and overflowed from the bones of her chair her body was a marvel to me a form unbound and soothing as a buddha sometimes i would sit in her lap and peek down her shirt to see her mysteries she was the biggest woman i know i love that i love that description did g influence how you see the world or how you see bodies in the world in a she didn't really talk about it it wasn't as if she sort of was like you know our sat me down was like are at carmen like let's talk about bodies now she just sort of existed in this way that was dacia and in a way that was very at odds with all the other messages i was sort of getting about bodies and the way that fat women should treat and sort of present their bodies to the world including for my own mother so so she was sort of the one example that sort of defied what i was seeing everywhere else so it wasn't so much it wasn't as if she was directly telling me i've been trying to write about fatness for really long time and i'd really struggle to in that essay was sort of how i i figured out they say that i wanted to right after you graduated from a bunk bed that you shared with your brother you got your own room and around that time you began to have night terrors that climaxed in sleep paralysis.
"maria machado" Discussed on Design Matters with Debbie Millman
"Fourteen years now debbie millman has been talking with designers and other creative types about what they do how they got to be who they are and what they're thinking about this podcast it'd be woman talks with writer carmen maria machado about her career and the importance of ego essential element to being an artist because otherwise like what are you doing did you have to have that investment in it here's debbie moment if you like fairy tales and myths this book is for you if you like horror and science fiction did the same book has got you covered if you'd like experimental fiction queer theory and luminous storytelling well you're in luck my guest today is the author carmen maria machado and her book her body and other parties has been nominated for the national book award for fiction she's here today to talk about her writing her life and her career carmen welcome to design matters thank you for having me carmen i understand that from the moment you were able to pick up a pen you were writing and i read that as a kid you found the address for the scholastic book publishing company in a baby sitters club book and sent them a chapter of a novel you were writing adding please let me know if he would like to see more of it how old were you when you did this oh my god i must've been i'd say probably about third grade so how old you in thurgood like eight maybe yeah my godmother bought me a personalized stationery set it had jungle animals on it and it had my name my address and after that i just went to town i was sending letters to everyone and i felt really empowered by the stationary you write the story on the stationary no the story was printed my my parents had bought you know it was like a windows three point one like it was a really old computer well it's old now it was at the time amazing and i loved the word processor and i typed a lot of stories up on the word processor so i tied it up i must have gotten my father to print it out at work and then i wrote the sort of i guess what you call the cover letter on my stationary and then i mailed in did you ever hear back i did not my my wife who works in publishing assures me that some intern probably hung it up you know in their in their cubicle with like a lot of joy and happiness which makes me it makes me happy your grandfather came to the united states from santa clara when he was eighteen and went to tennessee to go to college it took him ten years to finish his degree between working learning english and being deported back to cuba during the mccarthy era and serving in the korean war which is how he earned his citizenship growing up in allentown pennsylvania you've said that there was a lot of storytelling going on in your home particularly from your cuban granddad what kind of stories were being told in how did they influence you you know he would tell stories about cuba and about his life after he left cuba that were really strange and that they were they were very dark and i don't think i fully appreciated or understood their darkness so for example there was a story he would tell about you know how he had this rooster and then you know one day they were having dinner and they hadn't seen the rooster and a while and he asked where's the rooster and they were like what you're eating you're eating him you know because it's cuba everyone's you know there was hungry they had to eat their their pet rooster as you do and so you know and that's a that's a very dark story and or he would talk about how you know a.