17 Burst results for "Malley Hamda"

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

06:32 min | 3 weeks ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Welcome to keith. And the girl. I'm keith malley hamda. Fda has full approval of the pfizer. Vaccine okay you wear liars. You can get it now but it wasn't that anyway but you can get it now. It's got to be a big deal right. we'll see. Yeah yeah we will see. We actually can say we'll see and you know what while you're there grab a pack of cigarettes that's fda approved and we can all party with all the fun things that the fda has allowed the universe. Thank you fda. The so important. I was waiting for the approval. But what if you know these weirdoes. They're the people that on election day aren't shy about going. I'm still undecided. What else can you give me a habit. You get shot. We give you one hundred dollars. Maybe i'm interested abbey everything that's going to be everything. Okay i'll do it well or now you're more suspect is now. You're trying to pay me to do it right. So how do i trust that. Sure just keith. Today with you okay. So we're going to get into some. We're going to get into some real shit. Hey how about that. Hurricane did you. You didn't get it too bad. I guess right. No and just the thing i feel like i should have been more nervous about I know he's got an alert on his phone. Saying and it showed the region on the map. It showed us like this is where it's going to be destroying everything in lake. Should we be packing something and You know we have a gazebo in the back. Like is that gonna fly away like. It's the wizard vase or something and it was bad rains. There is a free concert in central park and it was supposed to get vaccinated if you were vaccinated you. Could you could attend this concert. Bruce springsteen elvis costello paul simon you know all the kids are talking about these three nowadays. Paul simon you know you're is not going to this concert at night was caused elo. Yes twenty five year. Old elvis costello will be there when they you're like is going to be a super spreader event. Don't worry is in the middle of a hurricane. There were no problems. They had to cancel it. Okay maybe they canceled because they realize it's too late for the demographic right. i wonder. I wonder if that's availability. Which is probably more likely or is it. That's the demographic that's to give vaccined. Maybe it is it the is it. The newer people with the older people in the inbetween are just like we realize life is just the next thing. So let's get the next thing. I don't know chad. Hayes is beautifully young. i don't know i don't know I'm getting a lot of emails about how lover is not a gird. Good word for somebody you actually love. Isn't that interesting. It's such a wonderful word when you think about it. I'm calling you my lover. The person i love the person. I make love to the person who i shoot my love towards and it's just disgusting and filthy. Who do we blame. I shoot my love towards her all the time all over her. And if that's not love her she tweeted out. Send me she actually. This really happened kyle. you can follow on at o. Cossio kyle quote. Send me a dick pic. Haven't gotten one in a while. I actually got that accidentally sent to assembled personal training. Client not my boyfriend. This'll be an awkward session now. First of all more important than any of this who sends the picks lovers something would say. Send me a dick pic. You're so mistaken. That's so funny. Okay everything you just said about. The word lover explained to me why we're not saying that word anymore. Every time you defined it or said where you're gonna put it unlike yup not still not using that word. That word is just going to have to fall on the side for awhile. It said i wanna love our. Yep that's the tone. I really thought about it. I asked cirque sees. And he's given commie that i prefer not i prefer not either. And it's such a lovely word follow keith. And the girl of course on social media we're under everything with With keith girl and we say make sure you hit like i hope you understand. It's not really. I could see me a person like me out there being like a forty seven years old. You need me to tap your head and go. I liked it. I like you. Are you gonna make it through the day today. Now when you hit like it it shows whatever you just liked to more people. Also it shows you more of the same type of thing. So you're getting more of what you legitimately like. That's why the lakes are important. I don't know if we just look like sad. People like the day please you today let us know we pleased you today for you and to spread the word in general. That's why that's important anyway. I saw on twitter. Somebody's guy. Ed he wrote make eric. Andre the comedian the jeopardy host the prank. Oh and i said you know what i agree but eric andre has to take it seriously so he can smirk accidentally but once he forces a smirk for laughs as head explodes. What do you think of that. I like it. Did you also see the one where I think it was Anthony vito or joe devito factor too many of you out there for the devito's it's the family. The family did really good week and they tweeted Let let oj be the host. He knows about job double jeopardy okay and then and then somebody responded saying at least at least let him give it a stab and the devito family wrote killer. Yeah that sounds like joe for short. New movie is out that i loved and do not recommend now that i'm wondering what words are called the produce today. I like this category. And i think it should be a category on netflix. Or something like a different light button. I liked. But i don't recommend i think that tells the whole story right. Michael keaton who. I love and i can't tell you why michael kina kurt russell are are the poison of music. They're not the best but they're the best.

fda keith malley hamda keith paul simon elvis costello Cossio kyle pfizer Fda Bruce springsteen Hurricane keith girl hurricane Hayes kyle cirque eric andre Anthony vito joe devito devito
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

08:36 min | 6 months ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Home welcomed keith. And the girl. I'm kief malley hamda this week this week on saturday. Watch us live. With the pete. Holmes pete holmes crashing the podcast. You made it weird. Also michael ian black will be there. You know michael. Ian black wet hot american summer the state that everyone no not even close. We're also going to have more wilson. This saturday mara wilson mathilde miracle on thirty fourth street. Mrs doubtfire joe. Firestone will join us rate of for the tonight show contributor to the chris gathered show. Oh speaking of chris gathered. we got him to. We're talking silent trailers this saturday with michael ian black pete. Holmes mara wilson. Joe firestone and chris gathered. Get your ticket now keith. And the girl dot com slash ticket is going to be two types of tickets available a regular ticket to watch the show and one that lets you go backstage. So get in behind. The scene sealed the goings on that. No one else has access to sit in with us. Our guest and everything before the show starts backstage. Pass ticket keith. From the girl dot com slash tickets. I'm excited incredible. And it's this saturday. Yes that's a lineup. Like crazy like. I know that you've heard of at least one of those people and you've seen them in a movie or show or podcast. It's incredible. I can't wait to see them and they're all working against you. I'm sorry i know. What am i doing cultivating relationships to yell at people later. You're not here to make friends right. I imagine with your attitude that's true. I got this letter here from ricky's and south australia. And he was Congratulating us on sixteen years of podcasting and he wrote a sweet ladder. But i thought the end was very interesting. I'd like to share with you. He said i love listening to you. I don't agree with everything you say but that is life. I ordered the daddy issues book and can't wait for that happy sixteenth. Both keith cheers. Rick between the two of us. Don't you agree with literally everything we say. You know what the times that we agree. A whole bunch of people are like wait. Where's the opposite side. So maybe it's bad when we agree on this show well come to. I know we just the weekend. And she's a big supporter of steak and blow job day. It comes if you google steak and blow job day you see at pop up. There was sunday march fourteenth this year. It's a real thing and i understand. its place in history and its place in our lives of valentine's day february fourteenth. That really is Celebrated more by women than men men seem to have a little bit of discomfort about it and to combat that. I think it must have been a man who developed steak and blow job day exactly one month after valentine's day so we allotted it as such in our hetero normative relationship. We gave valentine's day to me steak and blow jobs. Stay to him now. Of course you can have your own relationship. celebrate with. i'm sorry is yours. Plural is a blow job. There i mean what are you do. Once it's a it's a whole day. You know you can have steak whenever you want. You can have blowjobs whenever you want you know. I mean if on valentine's day you you can have more than one massage. Let's say on more than one flower. You know you play ball. Then on valentine's day. If i recall you said you know what. Don't give me the card yet. Let's extend valentine's day in the could he say i'm about to finish but way. Let's stop altogether. I want this blowjob tomorrow. Also i'll finish myself off bucks. You owe me half the job. Don't tell them how to hack it. What is your problem. Did you both have stakes. I take to the stakes. Were they do sixty nine for a couple of hours for everybody. It sounds like well. First of all i asked for a so. You already know like it was yes. I asked for redo okay because that's tough because it's blowjob that bullets say somebody's blowing me and then i would have changed positions. Just because is that like if it's doggy style day and i'm doing girl doggy style and then all of a sudden i'm like i kind of want to be in this position. Am i ruining the day. Somebody becomes self conscious. No you could just say blowjob anytime that day. And it's that day happens right so it starts off that way. You know the whole day starts off that way and then you know any opportunity that you have to hear how you blew no pun. I was going to say keith. Ask me on the show. How taken blowjob day was. And i was gonna be like it sucked what happened already. What happened no card right okay. I sort of forgot the card but Okay here's what happened. I got my period. So i know that has nothing out of your mouth okay. She's jewish so the thing is i know it doesn't have to affect the day but apparently it. It totally changes my a my the whole physical being that i am. When you're on your period being demand the blowjobs might not seem fun right. Well this is. The thing got appeared today before and he's like. Do you want to change the day. I know like you struggled through your first day when you get so. It's funny already by the way. Would you like to change the day where you blow me for. Twenty four hours. Would you like to change that sweetheart. I thought that was nice. But i'm like no. I feel like i'll be fine but apparently he knows better. The next eight hit me so much harder. We went for a walk and i couldn't. I could hardly make it back. My back was hurting. Just affects everything then. By the time we got home like to wanna take a nap. He goes no but you do suggest. Go ahead and take a nap So i did. And then it's like an hour and a half later and now he's tending to me. Because i'm not feeling very well. So i asked him for redo even though we had been participating a couple times by that point but i was like we still. It's still your day. But i want another day where it's like. I can really put more effort into this. Also after that we did so much edibles that i was so out of it that just as like this is how could this be good for you like. He's like okay. Let's make the steak ago now. I can't even stand up straight. He's like i'll make it. I'm like it's your day. Though i can't i can't. I was like underwater with the of weed in me and so it took like an hour from media even let him get up and make the steak because i was so out of it and then he likes cooking so it was fine but i wanna redo. It was still lovely day crying. Like what are you even bring up the day. Nobody really celebrates this day. It's not a big deal. We have enough stress on regular non holidays. The good news is we both had a really good time because it was still owns it very relaxing very like i have to remember that. He so cool about chit. That wouldn't stuff doesn't have in my way on my days. I need to like really be this cool. You know he's still had a great time. What a guy you gotta remember. Especially if it's for him then it's for him if he says he's fine he's fine. Yeah but i think he does that thing that i do. Also soon as it's for him he asks me what i wanna do. I'm like oh it's your day. He's like why want this dick but what stake do you want him like. No we can't have this conversation because then this day will take a turn. Get when i know. It's my damn very route to my girlfriend so we don't ever have this problem. I don't ask for pinon. i don't ask for anything. It's my birthday is we're eating. I don't care what you think. That's the way to play it so everybody's more comfortable. How was your day. I just had sex food nova special but a little lasts less agit. I believe we went to starbucks. That was nice. That's nice okay..

michael Joe firestone keith sixteen years tomorrow Rick sixteenth Twenty four hours tonight mara wilson starbucks today michael ian black pete wilson south australia Holmes pete holmes nova special february fourteenth Ian black pete
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

02:26 min | 11 months ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Whole. Welcome Keith and the girl I'm Keith Malley Hamda. Election Day is two weeks away. Now. This is a big deal right now. Because I'm saying like it's news election is a big deal but this seems like the biggest deal in either a long time but definitely in our lifetime. I. Hear The you know a lot of people voted early. Let's see about twenty seven million ballots put in early twenty percent of the voters already voted and then they hide out. From November third to November fifth so that they don't. Hear the news coming in slowly. So that they don't get overwhelmed. They unplug all their electronics, that kind of thing. I'M GONNA do mine in person just because I want to see the feel of it. You know I wanNA know the VIBE. I WanNa know who sleeping at the front doors when you walk in I I really I think the whole process is a little exciting. I think it's not exciting. It's nerve wracking I hate the sheet it's very confusing for some reason there's always extra stuff that I didn't anticipate that I feel stupid about but I do do it I I'm GonNa do it in person because my voter places usually empty even when it's a big election and blah blah blah. It's usually empty especially in the middle of the day when I can go. So right I mean I don't WanNa confuse a situation when I say it's exciting I remember saying I like going to Costco Jim Fourteen. That's fun to you. That's fun. Fuck it. Three chicks is fun to me. I'm like I didn't know my twins were four way or costco samples. I'm just saying all things considered I enjoyed the costco samples. Let's really weird. Is I really think that's your best impersonation. You well, we talk like. We have our Wednesday parties of course, our chat rooms we play poker during it and we've been doing if you take out. Kendra or myself separately from winning the whole game, which is free to play we'll give you a shout out on this show and Chris Lear ski won the last time and he said this is the shoutout I would like. Hey everyone vote take one minute come up with your voting plan. If you haven't already as early voting started in your state, what day of the week will you vote? What time?.

costco Jim Fourteen Keith Malley Hamda Kendra Chris Lear
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

01:49 min | 1 year ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Welcome, to Keith and the girl I'm Keith Malley Hamda come to Sami rates us. Thank you for silent trailers. It's been the best time I've had during the pandemic. This of course is our virtual game where Handa who knows nothing about movies less about actors and actresses describes a movie trailer and we guess what movie She's trying to name, and it's me against You know five six other people because instead of learning emotion I went to the movies and I've been having a blast doing it appears other people are digging it to. It's been the best time I've had during the pandemic. You all are crazy and I am hair for it. The show is so fun to play along with. To play along with and girl with fourteen ours Keith. To say it right if if. This idol no, it's like you know there's some words we know skip nowadays the show. So Fun to play along with and girl the way the guests go after Keith is life I'll see you at the next one. Guy Phillip goes appropriate. I already got my ticket in a ticket. For my best friend we're making it a remote goals night. Thank you for getting me through the pandemic Corentin loneliness and Boredom Katie Gee for life. Sammy with an I will thank you Sammy. US like you know you coming in there for show but you're playing along and then you know you think it's like these are friends that were playing against basically or you know were knee-high. Yeah and then they started seeing how serious keith takes it, and then it just becomes a roast and it's so hilarious and May I say I described movie trailers perfectly it is not my fault that Hollywood picks like five different faces throughout the years and I'm supposed to remember which five of these faces look the.

Keith Malley Hamda Handa Katie Gee Guy Phillip Hollywood
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

05:57 min | 1 year ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"I. Welcome the Keith and the girl I'm Keith Malley Hamda. We took a couple of days off for Labor Day Week, how was your vacation? It was actually really good but it's it's weird to tell people what's good about it because you know Keith was saying like, how was it an I? I was like, Oh, it's great. We road eight miles on our bikes to get an icy. We rode seven miles on her. Bike ticket cookie, and that's how we plan. We're like, okay. What radius are we willing to bike to and what specialty thing that were allowed to do is just get food. Can we do there now it's obviously a covert nineteen times can has an audio autoimmune disease that's major. When you drive eight miles, you ride eight miles for some cookie heard about in Brooklyn. If it's not top notch or you. Physically angry. Yeah, of course. I don't know I would be I'd be like. I, did the other day most of the time I have fine reaction because I expect everything to be stupid. Why would eight miles on a bike? Manifest some cookie. I've always this chocolate chip with walnut hide you do that. You know you just kind of hope for the best, and if not, you find the best pizzeria round and that's your consolation prize 'cause in New York, you always get good pizza. So that's how I. Like it got to be Oh and it's usually next like some body of water that we could sit in front of or there's usually starbucks where I can get all right at least I have my coffee. Then they fucked that up. That's when freak out right now you get back home. Let's say you happen to sneeze. Are you like what? What the fuck did I go out for a icy every time every time and every time I do it I sneeze or Whatever it is I cough too much and it doesn't sound like a weed cough on like okay. Was it worth it start telling yourself it was worth it now because when you feel that pain, it's not gonNA fewer it anymore the other day I had bad stomach pains it woke me up at two am woke up circuit. He's like I thought everything was there was turmoil in my stomach number this is it. This is Cova everything's okay. Let's just take a quick shower smoke it out and see if we can get some rest for now because later, we might be getting any everything's worth it I ride my bike podcast I've Sung for a living I'm ready to die. Here we go. All right. All. Right. I stated more than you. I saw Cobra. Kai the TV show on that flex two seasons. That's twenty episodes half hour each it's five hours. I don't think I had any fun I do not think I enjoyed it one bit it was it was work because as a kid I took karate I loved the movies I remember seeing credit kid to in a strip mall. My mom was shopping on the other side of the mall as all jazzed up by the ending that I sprinted. To her in the car like I'm the next karate kid I totally get that. That's such a good feeling but you're you're definitely and they know they know this about your age you're chasing that high you expected to see like you expect it to run for five hours. After like after every episode, you run around a bunch you get healthier you expected the rush of a I, don't know if you have a candy bar when your ten and then a candy bar when you're forty different effects, right? Right and the karate kid movies were stupid I. I know not to watch those again I mean again, they say though the first movie will I was a kid and they were great. But the first movie they teach them one kick that was the big lesson and then the second movie he punches somebody side to side because Mr Miyake's shows them the way of this drum that you spend in your hand. Up Yet got me jazzed up and now I feel like I have to watch this because they put it out as a TV show and it's horrible. Well, a couple of things. The first thing is it's so funny. We all experienced that it was a very emotional. Movie for. Children. Right and isn't it interesting that the emotion is hey, I don't have a dad my parents don't have time or aren't paying attention to me or his dad was dead or whatever. But generally I'm a latchkey kid and this old guy took an interest in me in not a perverted way. This was our dream you're watching karate kid that's your dream is for some neighbor to take pity. On you and your family like is is like and just take you in and mine was Anne I watched Anne so much like which about about being an orphan that was my takeaway from Anne that's not good and number two is didn't you get over the disease that you're not gonNA. Watch, things that you're done with and it does matter if they put out the next sequel in the next series. That disease that you're covid. It I. Don't I mean you're saying karate kid. I. Don't know if they come out with the season three. I'm going to be upset because I, think I'll have to say it if they don't come out with it, I will be happy. Okay. So I have a similar thing. There's a show on Netflix called I'm thinking of ending it and I don't know if they're showing it to you but it makes so much sense that they're showing it to me it seems little rt very feelings oriented. You're not sure what happened and I've watched I, think an hour. In two or three different sessions. Okay. There's still a fucking our left and I swear to God I keep trying to look for a reason to continue because. If feels like the payoff should be so good at the end they're doing trickery with you know what you're seeing and you know what time line you're on stuff like that and I'm like, this is so deep. That an hour and I'm not getting it I'm GonNa fuck drown all of a sudden in all this stuff coming together and I'm not sure I'm going to be feeling that. But I'm GONNA keep trying. I didn't feel anything in this karate kid show and cotton nuit ears God one time he's in a car. They changed the angle. He's on a ski boat chasing again he's back in the car. Are.

Anne I Keith Malley Hamda autoimmune disease karate starbucks Cova Brooklyn Mr Miyake New York Kai
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

05:49 min | 1 year ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Welcome and Keith and the girl I'm Keith Malley Hamda the Great Jesse jollies will be with us today first of all. How are you? I'm good. I'm doing all right I. I said I'm good and then I'm like. Don't tell your good. That's very impolite right now, but I think I'm good. I'm not too bad. New Jersey made me think of this in your VIP package. You have the weekly show chewing where newsy asks us listener questions and he happened bring. Chili dogs when during the summer time I would take you know an ice pack put it on the floor and put my dogs my feet on every so often to cool myself off, and during this heat wave. feel like I'm cheating the system. There it is. There this. Can you tell he's from the country? It's wonderful. It's feels so feel so good. I would hire me. Yes, please right. You can chili dogs in the Army Nama citizen. I'm free could do whatever I want and wear whatever I want. The Gosh Darn Goddamn Dave. Hill show is on Dave. PODCAST was just on it, so give that a listen Dave Dez and Chris or joined by the awesome, the from Keith and the girl as they raise funds for black lives, matter and no kid hungry. All right Dave. Hill of course has been on our show. He wrote the theme Song Go. That's used on last week tonight. So, give it a download all right. We have fun. Have Fun. There's such nice people, and it's such a sweet conversation, and they have such a good sense of humor that you can you know they're? They're very like mild mannered people and I can come in with whatever energy I have in everyone's pleased as punch, and their audience is great, but one guy called up, and they were collecting money for black lives matter one guy called up and said I don't get it I. Don't get black lives matter. And that I mean if I ever saw three grown men like trying to understand if they can leap through their screen to get this guy who we can't see because he's on a phone call, it was pretty magical. Everyone's like Oh, is that? Is that where we're got and I'm just thinking and I know they must have said this also. How is he listening to that show? They're just darlings. They're just like, and then everyone gets along, and I'm depressed and but let's laugh at it and this guy's like I. Don't get it. There's not enough for everybody. Step on black guys Nex. He didn't say that last part, but I think it was implied if it was if it was anything if you didn't get it and you're hangers, show in the raising money for little people matter. Do you call them? Go why? Why do they matter I? Would you know if I really didn't know? I'd Google it. I wouldn't call them the show and go not getting it like obviously, something's going on if you spend an entire show to raise money for something whether. Or not it something. What is it? It makes me feel you know that saying you know know your audience. I think to the audience. We say no your show I. Mean it's just it's just a give and take I'm not saying anyone should know each other more but. You know what you're listening to watch. Keith is going to rant and rave later on. He's GonNa. Get upset over something whether or not you're so big. It's going to have the same response. Jesse's GONNA. Be just sweet, sweet, sweet about it and I'm gonNA find some middle ground, all right ready everybody. Why did Keith rant because it's my love language. Come on Oh man! We've been talking about this one minute at a time. The program that comes. With with members of the club and helps saying during a this crazy time, you do these different literal, literally one minute exercises whether it's a plank yoga rating down the your thoughts. You Know I. Heard this saying if you want to know what you look like looking to mayor if you want to know what you're thinking rated down for. For one minute you're doing something you probably haven't done in a long long time. Maybe since you were in high school so you have all these different programs you're done in fifty minutes kind of once more people to know about it so on Let's see next month on the second. What does that August? It's next week. August second yeah wow. Yeah so a second from seven am to seven PM eastern time on the hour for fifteen minutes you can stop in like an open house and check this out the full way. We do it any other day for free all right? Here's what I suggest Keith is always there early so pop in early. You know people say hello. Before we start, we start exactly on the hour. So give yourself a minute to sign on, and then if you have five minutes after we usually chat and talk about our experience, or some people just listening in on the experience, and that's fun, too, so give yourself a little time and also. Get your reservation now because there's only a certain amount of people per hour, so make sure you get the hour that you want the reason why I'm doing. Of them in a row is because I WANNA hit every time zone, so there's there's an hour that you like trust me on a Sunday. You can find it. Go to Keith in the girl dot com slash Olmeta thon I I I'm doing this because I really want you to try it. I really believe that it works. It's getting really good response the exercises that you heard Keith mentioned if you absolutely hate them, and when you hear plank, you WanNa. Just you know. Lay Down and die. It's okay we'll get you there. You'll only do maybe ten seconds. You'll be skipped that one, but just know everything is. Is One minute so soon as we start, it's over, so you can't hate it too much. I promise being isolated. This person says is so hard having a group waiting for me. Each morning gives me some purpose. That's exactly how I felt. I realize what I need I. Need a little structure like this I need a little structure. The person says it my data key mentally focused in happy. It's so easy to check out and just sort of drift through life when things are too much to deal with this club helps keep me grounded. Everyone's on edge. If you heard speaking VIP program if you heard..

Keith Malley Hamda New Jersey Dave Dez Google Hill Jesse Chris
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

03:19 min | 2 years ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"The shame shame shame shame Shame shame welcome the Keith and the girl I'm Keith Malley Hamda Alot him though what is that laugh at I sincerely thought that was something Catholic when they waived the the thing with the poof just coming out of it it is a religious person doing it out is in the oh is that like can you imagine that's what God wanted right Shah with everything we know about psychology now you are a piece of shit get her what's Keith and the girl it's an emergency meeting Ya I had the day off and suddenly find myself at work Keith Malley right while I keep got in trouble is parents his mommy called his Mommy called and he felt all bad and now you have to the football game I gotta come here right it's good to see thanks how are you it's I looked at the schedule and every show had guests on and and I I was thinking we have to do one with just me and show but I can't talk about the joker moving this stuff is in the back of my head -mergency meeting -mergency meeting yeah this is what Keith calls like this is what happens when Keith doesn't have a therapist yes and he goes I have I feel today thinking feeling ailing please come to the studio and work I need a place to put my feelings for those of you who are new to the show Keith was raised Catholic and everything went wrong from there but the most recent if is about how many months ago of six months ago possibly at this point Keith's dad his Catholic may be ex priest we don't know anymore because saga I'm not convinced that he was a priest but it's understood talk to him it's understood that he was a purse honestly the only thing I believe now about your dad is that he unfortunately is your dad I don't know now I don't honestly he would not have stayed you all could fuck off could fuck off and I hate to tell you this there's a resemblance physical features thank you and we can move on anyway months ago Keith's Dad got in touch with his ex wife an ex that was already divorced for two years got in touch and said hey whatever happened with you and Keith she voted that to Keith because she's been wanting to be out for at least two years now that their divorce and then Keith decided that he's going to be fake cat which is his ex wife's name he's GonNa pretend to be his ex wife and has been talking to his father for months side note father gets in touch with Keith directly while he's talking to his ex wife and just casually asks oh he's doing lots of trouble ensued there's like a whole what are we on this this season to this season to season will you can get these in one keeping dot com slash dad and new this is the terrible that's right by the way season season one is over five months yeah it's about seven hours to episode you can listen to but it's that was five months.

Keith Malley Hamda five months two years seven hours six months
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

01:32 min | 2 years ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"<music> welcome to keith and the girl. I'm keith malley hamda and the how are you. I'm all right. What's going on on well right before the show of course there's a painter's right outside the literal window making bonk's and bangs and you know they have the whistle to each other for attention attention. You know to move the scaffolding over this way and that way and so i'm thinking well. I don't know that we can do a show this way and so and we have a guest with <hes> you know adds to the questioning and says okay but i'm not sure what to do. You know i'm ready to kill myself. I'm going crazy. You know what should we do and i go okay in that case. We can't do the show well that wasn't the answering goes no okay we have to do the show blah blah blah so then every so often every five seconds. There's absolutely no noise choice and hannah's like keith. Are you ready. It's only been five seconds and she goes keats. You're so sensitive to the set. You can't hear anything i understand. I have this super hearing. I can tell somebody who's literally rolling paint on a wall without looking very special but let's not act like the other bonk's warren happening so now i don't know when the take the other stuff a certain way and don't ask me for advice when i give it you go. No that wasn't an option. That's asking your partner <unk> out saying hey you wanna go for dinner and they keep going down a different alleys. You're trying. Take him to the restaurant. I sincerely didn't think that's what was happening. I definitely heard the banks. I wasn't trying to deny them and then when they stopped happening for five seconds instead of feeling hopeful and i was sharing in the hope..

keith malley hamda warren partner keats hannah five seconds
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

02:59 min | 2 years ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"What can the Keith and the girl. I'm Keith Malley Hamda of another new guest for you think you're gonna like it featured on N._B._C.'s late night with Seth Meyers Brian Mitchell hello how Saudi play. I think I'M GONNA go with Hoti Dodd ingratiate myself. I was watching your stand up. Congrats on everything but thank you. I think you're great you. Were talking about how being a Jehovah's Witness with interest me. My Dad was a Catholic priest. I notice in general the people I meet that grew up. Religious are the opposite. Am I right on that. You're correct okay. Yeah you hide one to get out of right well. I'm looking up Jehovah's Witness and I'm I'm. Is this the same as Mormon in the same as anything else. I've heard of so I type in. It's not but I type in our Jehovah's Witnesses and guess what auto corrects are auto fills in the very first thing are Jehovah's Witnesses black that that means a lot of people are looking for black drove was witnesses right this. It doesn't mean people have never saw one and they're they're asking. Could they included. I've seen a lot of block Jehovah's Witnesses so I think the opposite I think that <hes> it seems like aww television and this is. I met our block I would. That's what I from being in New York for the last couple years. I've seen only black droves witnesses so I I guess guess I guess in the Mid West like my my congregation was completely white so I kind of I guess I get that. It's coming from the Midwest. I think think about it and thank you for making me think about it. I only knew one white Jehovah's witness but it's not like it's not a new a ton of Jehovah's Witnesses. They tend to stay in their own pack like I imagine liquid even we. I worked with a couple of them and they were not having a lot of shit so we changed is the party at the end of the year instead of a Christmas party to like an end of the year party which is very nice. Well I think yeah 'cause why are we celebrating like it was a Jew owned company company. This also another auto fill is our Jehovah's Witnesses Christians <hes> do they believe in Christ and you know that we know these people typing it in. What can I give them a break. The police believe in Christ. Don't they do that. They do Christ you got to have Christ. Jehovah uh-huh is Jesus Son. Jesus had a son in this one. Oh God God God is Jesus Son Right got got his Jesus son. Yeah God right here okay number one depth chart and then Jesus okay right and then Jesus had a son now I I think there was some confusion here. I think so you're saying God yes and then then God had Jesus correct okay so there's a little confusion there yeah we got to the bottom of what did they tell.

Jesus Keith Malley Hamda Mid West Hoti Dodd Seth Meyers New York N._B._C. Brian Mitchell
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

02:38 min | 2 years ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"<music> welcome to Keith and the girl. I'm Keith Malley Hamda this Monday. Not only are we having a Chad party he but we're competing were will be playing the newlywed game which we've done before to a great success. It's everybody's favorite time of the year. Everyone walks away crying. Yes well it was me and my wife at the time against against and and Hennessy her husband at the time we weren't married while we played well no problems anyways my we played the game now. No one's together. That's right so we're going to do it again. I kind of hope I lose this time. Because last time I won and I lost in that marriage in Kyle and I against Canada zirk sees very exciting and hosting it will be Andrea Allen. Oh my goodness Oh and she knows how to make people cry. So this Monday night seven pm eastern just go to our youtube channel. It's tender Keith and the girl and if you can't find that just always go to our website keeping the goal dot com there you have it. I don't forget about the free APP. It is laughable. Dot Com you subscribe to a podcast. You can also subscribe to a person so if you subscribe griped Keith Malley where it hemmed up. You'll hear us on any podcast of any kind that we've ever been on for example. I'm on Donte. Narrows podcast just came out. It's now called man school two. Oh two and the title of that show is catfish in your dad. We'll keep you can hear that right free APP. What was their response to that draws on the floor yeah weird one to retail right because we've normalized it in the studio which is like? Let's hear from Keats Dad again but all let's stuff to be relating in twenty minutes to an hour is crazy. I think you'll like all right today's guest he's been on M._t._v. c._N._N.. The Los Angeles Times C._N._B._C.. People magazine Buzzfeed T._B._S. is New York comedy festival then the more <hes> and that was so much. Thank you congratulations. Oh yeah that's mostly just like tweets being in places okay. I'll humble myself off of that I have I have some tweets. We'll we'll go through last time Um you were on. It was the first time you're on twenty. First twenty seventeen wow and you were talking about <hes> sobriety was a conversation. You have been sober for five months but at the time you were you were still drinking. Is that something you're looking into because you lost a lot of weight. Thanks to SEAL EAC disease. Yes Celia for you. All the gluten gluten has been everything..

Keith Keith Malley Hamda Keith Malley Andrea Allen youtube Chad Los Angeles Times Hennessy Celia Kyle Donte New York Canada twenty minutes five months
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

03:50 min | 2 years ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Hey. Welcome to Keith. And the girl I'm Keith Malley Hamda. We just of course, had Super Bowl fifty three. I boycotted it. So nothing to talk about they're doing. I'm gave you your Super Bowl. Party was good. Are we not allowed to mention it? Because you lost. I was watching with the blindfold on like bird box. I'm telling you. Support capper neck. I don't support the treatment of these players. I don't support. I mean, it's black history month, and we're sitting there watching football. I don't sport bad calls by wraps. I can't be complicit here announced that you're a very good person. Thank you know. Thanks to football. All right. We'll get to it. But first, let me tell you this. I was on the phone with my parents over the weekend for quite a while over two hours easily, and I hope that one day, you know, parallel. I'd learn something we'll parents need to hear this kind of talk. Because at some point we were all kids, and then some people have kids, and then they become the parent. And then they do the same shitty things. Just wanna listen to Keats wording of this. Like, it's a big event. I was on the phone with my parents texting. And it's always, you know, clocked in the first thing you do after you get off the phone with them is look at the time. Right. And then you announce it like, hey, look, we didn't kill each other through the phone. I assume will I? We didn't coach either and to be on the phone for over two hours. And I'd say at least two and a half in fact, and that's long if you're on the phone with anybody that just means as a stand up comedian, I have two and a half hours of material because there's no real talking of any kind. It turns into skin bits right to keep their attention. Now. Funny because I think around in January February use should always give a call to your parents. Because that's when you're writing for your April show, right? No. It got a little God little Deepa times where I'm like, you know, what here's some questions. I don't know why I'm not asking. Like who was the alcoholic and our family? Was it? Everybody was everybody wasn't it. Well, it it's kind of hard to get an answer. Because then it's like, well, son, my son my father. He would he would partake a little too much. Like was he abusive know until you know, that's that's not like a firm. No. That's not a no, let's say you're asking your daughter who's nine did your uncle touch. You. Not the way you mean. I'll be like let's go with the way you me. Yeah. Let's find something anything then. We'll try to figure it out. So I don't know. I love these puzzle pieces. Yeah. It's somewhere. The parents are great grandparents and only one person like they they wouldn't really say. But I did get did both your mom and dad chime in a little bit about your mom's history with alcohol as she said. There was no what are you know? Are you serious ride to me what you say who was in front of me and the boys? I Mark was there. I think Mike was there, and you were there, and she was crying, and you all did not handle it would even okay out of nowhere. We were sitting in the living room of your parents home. She started talking into I think because we wanted to throw a party at your parents house, and they were really adamant about no booze show. She went into like, why her father drank? And when he drank he became like, an actual asshole. And did something like lock. Mother out of the house because we sell like belligerent like she would. I didn't ask did anybody lock anybody out of a half more specifically abuse. Yeah. Bring your female energy outright because he used to just like one time you guys left me alone with her. And I'm like who you're saying the whole bunch shit. Am I allowed to know this like she would just say how she felt about like marrying your dad, and like, you know, just what she thought about when they first got married and later and having kids, and I'm like, are you.

Keith Malley Hamda football Keats Deepa Mike Mark two hours one day
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

03:53 min | 3 years ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Hey. Welcome to Keith. And the girl I'm Keith Malley Hamda the other day come they recommended Adam Sandler special? Yeah. Are you nervous to say things like that out loud? It's called one hundred percent fresh in my friend. Adam said, I'm eight minutes in this is the dumbest thing of. Sailly scientific version as my best pal. And so I get nervous. And then Andrea today said she saw half of it and his loving it. Go Kay good. Yeah. That's that's high praise and doesn't give it to people. And I'm on. Here's where I am with Adam Sandler, he has four stand the Bible's, they're older. Now, they were all great for if not five the early movies were fantastic, Billy, Madison, happy Gilmore, and then the movies like we all know zero percent on rotten tomatoes. No exaggeration fully south watch. Yeah. It's like a child wrote them. And then I don't know. But now he's doing stand up doing some songs against. Let's see how this was I loved it. Now. What is funny is that he's definitely trying to start a catchphrase or nickname for himself. I love when you can see that. So clearly, and when I say love, I'm so embarrassed for you when that happened. He tells the thirty joke, and then he's like oh saying man, you did it again. And then five times later, he calls himself Sanmen. He's obviously trying to start. Something. Hannemann Adams the Middle East, the Sandman Sandler. So I picture like he goes into like he knocks on friends housing, the Sandman tears k Adam saying man say it, maybe his next movie is going to be called San. I'll no. But I don't think anybody's call them the sand. Man. Do you know that you started this with saying that it's the greatest and then you're giving me this shit? It's only seven times says it. Everything else is fantastic. That's pretty good. All right. Today's guest and there, and that ends our review Porsche Get. tell you. So you don't say. Our next guest, by the way, saw star is born and was loving that which I didn't really understand. And then she was breaking down. What don't you like about it? And I realized I don't like country music music, piano. Lady Gaga, Bradley Cooper, eat only, Bradley Cooper, Andrew dice, clay, not cursing. Feelings suicide bizarre things that well now, it's a spoiled. Now, it is I could have been saying anything. All right. Today's guests featured in the Huffington Post on the comedy album with my love Kyle called three's company comedy comedy, by the way. Do you regret that title because anybody getting it right or just I'm gonna set up time? I love I love the people get it wrong. And it adds it imprint into your cortex that way threes comedy. Will. I'm seeing you know what I was like why three's company going high on the charts? For telling us. Yeah. We did go high in the charts, by the way, we weren't number two. That's right, author of the book how to spy on your neighbor your survival guide for the United States of Russia. We need Vicky Cooperman. Thank you so much for having me. It's nice to see Vic. So your book came out about a year ago. Yeah. May came out the day Komi was fired may nine also Russian big holiday in Russia when they won World War Two because Russians claim everything and they say, okay, Vicki knows Russia's studied Russia. Maybe we can make a funny book out of this. And they probably need the turn around very fast fast, my best friend, and I co wrote it she's from the Ukraine, so she's a southerner, I'm a northerner cow. So I can't understand anything. She says she has an excellent that's fun. Just kidding understand her. We co wrote it where like it was inauguration day. We're like we gotta do something. This is crazy right and Russia. I just gotten in the eighties. It's like I just gotten over that. Like Russia was the villain the.

Sandman Sandler Ukraine Adam Keith Malley Hamda Vicky Cooperman Middle East Hannemann Adams Huffington Post Porsche Lady Gaga Andrea Billy Bradley Cooper Gilmore Madison United States San Kyle Komi
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

02:04 min | 3 years ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Hey. Welcome to Keith. And the girl I'm Keith Malley Hamda, ladies and gentlemen, featured on comedy central's funny because it's true true. TV's comedy knockout Conan. Rojo press. Hey, all those were true. Three lies in there. Yeah. Happy Halloween, buddy. Thank you happy. Happy. Devils played. Do you get into it at all? I can't stand. It's up. Ny don't. I was affect kid. So I never had good costumes like the best cost of my head was the penguin. Danny devito penguin. Okay. And that ruin the whole thing for me, you just wa- around eight year old. There's no way you're gonna love this other. They have to that. I was saying the other day. How weird New York City is where I see people in like a hockey mask. And I'm like, oh Holloway took me as says register and again. Yeah. Yeah. Not just some of these regular day the day, you get into it at all me. No. Because I was a kid party entertainer for like twelve thirteen years. I had to dress up for kids constantly, it was polka haunt. I was a clown. I was a referee. I was whatever the fuck. They wanted me to be in. So by the time it came to a holiday that. I just have formed just like pay me. Do you? Did you own all these costumes or these rentals? I worked for agencies. It kinda worked like how you act like people ask you if you're available at a certain time and the either provide a costume or you have a couple. Okay. Yeah. You do it. Yeah. I know. I was just think it'd be fun of you just had a closet full. I have a congre HAMAs. Just like him. I going to be the day going through. I would like us to love the Pocahontas costume because it happened to come out, and it was very popular during the summer. So I would actually show up at kids places with a polka his dress barefoot with my long hair, and these were white kids. So Tim to them you were..

Keith Malley Hamda Holloway Devils Danny devito Rojo press Conan New York City Ny HAMAs Tim wa hockey twelve thirteen years eight year
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

03:09 min | 3 years ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Hey. Enzi GSA, we missed one hat should wound faults. Of course. Welcome everybody to keep in the girl. I'm Keith Malley Hamda a great day injury with us, low Andrea Kello Andrews, adding to all the sounds because Julius cousin happened to be in town and he's railing and can then him found a connection. It is Andrea such a fucking weirdo. When I started speaking a different language, she pretends like she's speaking along with me and the other person by just putting on a terrible accident Dak late accent, the what the. How is that different? Honestly, going ching chunks. I don't know. 'cause I 'cause I laugh. I make the mistake of laughing because I love his Railly's deeply and my heart and I going by it also. I'm also an immigrant, so double points. She also does this other thing where because not only my Isreaeli have Iraqi background there any background. So apparently she knew some Arabs past. I'll say some shit about my life goes fucking era. Just start cracking wrong. He's always right. She's like this mother fucker, and I'm like, that's a fucking here. It's an era of New York, crossover, your anger, two different types of anger running through your veins. And one of them is Arab. Yeah, they're different. Yeah, I believe the thing is every time she called me in Arabic. You not wrong. Yeah, that was my herbs. I'd coming you and Michael arguing about nothing just to argue because you love it. That's fucking era. Bullshit. I know lots of airs you guys love crackly little. Do love that. That's their impersonation of me by shopping area in Israel by the holy wall. Oh, it's just another schuch. Okay. So this outdoor market, I see this little magnet in the tells the temperature and pitcher of lawful. I need some mental from everywhere. So I go to buy many much is just four. Okay. Here's for punks. They got mad that I didn't thicker them. Yeah, they love to fight. It's a cultural thing. No, you'll fake to me and then you take it. Like I just wanted. Yeah, so funny. I warrant Keith about Israel before we went and he still was just passive, Keith, you know? Yeah, and it was just so sad to watch. And everytime we called him out. He's like your the crazy. Yeah. So he would basically do what you do except not call me era, just call me crazy. I'm just like, Keith, if you wanna get the full awful, you can't just be a bystander. There's no line just get in the fucking front and yell Salafi at someone he goes, I don't know magin. Right. He goes, I don't know how many times I'm gonna tell you. I would soon die starvation, then fucking philosopher at someone. And so me and my brother is fucking cracking up, Keith, not having, no, they have a singing Israel. Shopping is a spectator. But you know what's the worst is. So I got, I got to this country when I was four. But my parents obviously were like full going dealt with all of this background. My mother was born and raised in Israel, and.

Keith Malley Hamda Andrea Kello Andrews Israel Michael Julius New York Railly
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

02:49 min | 3 years ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Hey. Welcome to keep the girl on Keith Malley. Hamda ladies and gentlemen may Ronca Ghani. Hi, I'm it's really nice to be back here. We are in the middle of this hurricane Florence? Yeah. Here New York City. You didn't? They didn't talk about us in the news, but it is pouring outside. They explicitly talked about us in the news meteorologist mapped this weeks ago. Absolutely. It was going to slingshot up and over through us. Well, I didn't sit down. They even said today, I'll really. Okay. So that's why you had a parka. That's why I had a park. It was cloak. It was a Puma cloak. It costs too much to be a Parco. I'm putting that on our website because this cloak was amazing. He walked in with giant shades and a cloak, and I thought, I don't know. You look like a majestic wizard. That's very kind of think of me as that's the. I mean, I, I like to think of myself as a wizard. How are you? Health was and the best health of my life, which is horrified. I can't keep track your surgeries. What happened recently. So about last thanksgiving I, I started to become resistant to my diabetes medications, and I mean to all of them, I was already on the maximum of metformin. They added glimp- ride. I was on enough insulin for five people sounds like a lot of medicine even just it was. It was a boatload and my blood sugar still hovered around between three and five hundred. Sometimes it would still it would spike in hit five hundred and and so I was talking to enter chronologies. And then I read about a procedure called the duo Dino switch, which is a gastrointestinal rerouting that has one hundred percent cure rate for diabetes to. But it has a six percent mortality rate on the table like it's is that high yet. Yeah, if for it's dangerous? Yeah. Routing, how how much you poop has to go through before it comes out your, but so the vast majority of sugars are absorbed in the first half of the small intestine. And so I went and saw bariatric surgeon, he was like, we can do. We can get you the same results with gastric bypass. I was like, just fucking fix it. And so I had my intestines rerouted. They snipped me halfway down my lower intestine and connected that directly to my stomach. They say the small intestines is actually larger than the large intestines. It's a misnomer unravel, the small intestines, it reaches the moon, but not yours, not my moon because they cut it out. It's just abbreviated my digestive processes, abbreviated. And what that that helps you process should? It means that I, I am now mala Borg, two sugars, which also makes me immune to diabetes. And so what does that mean? You can eat as much sugar as you want. There's something called dumping syndrome, which is..

diabetes Keith Malley Ronca Ghani Florence Parco mala Borg New York City metformin one hundred percent six percent
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

01:42 min | 3 years ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Hey here both at the same time welcome the keith and the girl i'm keith malley hamda ladies and gentlemen today's guest co host of follow g the podcast we'll get to the bottom of aliens raider for the hard times like a punk rock the onion you know little wage ladies and gentlemen same rose hello doing sammy i'm doing very well how are you saying i'm doing very well thank you i do wanna get to these aliens and they know what you're talking about because you work in a college right i i sure do your teacher i am a lecturer yes okay what does that mean it means i'm teacher it means they can't talk back and there's a website where kids go to college students drew and they judge the teachers yes and the teacher can figure out if they're on their yes and see what the kids think of them correct and they say that you're lecturing you're classes are quote easy is that offensive do you need to up your game or is that a compliment i think that's a compliment okay i think that's a compliment because does that mean you're getting easy homework to do when the handed in yeah i think my assignments are fair and i grade them very leniently guess what they're not fair they're easy i don't know if you're listening they're they're they're quote chill okay you've been told on this website my multiple students that you are hot will they have not told me that directly say it on the website by clicking the chili pepper on the website they indicate that they believe i am hot should they be allowed to be on this site clicking chili peppers in graduate.

lecturer keith malley
"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

01:45 min | 3 years ago

"malley hamda" Discussed on Keith and the Girl Comedy Talk Show

"Hey welcome to keith and the girl i'm keith malley hamda censoring listener keith girl dot com slash tickets in april in new york city see us in la that's all over the place there's no excuse not to see you where on one side of the other keeping the girl dot com slash tickets today's guests has been featured in the riot la comedy festival just for laughs chicago and somebody happened to write me today saying on thinking about going to that group selfhelp landmark and it was one of my favorite episodes it was with one of my favorite guests go to keith and the girl dot com slash reena calm and you'll see all the shows that rena was on including that landmark episode no punt rena calm doing reno very good happy to be back it's good to see yeah rena was at a wedding recently i was just this last weekend here for wedding and mentioned that the bride and groom the sided to give the what do they call us patrons guests yes supporters family and friends the customers to gifts this is this is not this not this wedding this was this is the last wedding i was here for yeah on his that god reno shit so you were at a wedding one time i did a wedding guests molly to everyone yes well everybody that wanted it wasn't forced or surprised on anyone it wasn't slipped into anything it was just like a very private party favor kind of thing that you could go get after dinner now it takes a while for the molly to kick in soom.

new york city chicago reno molly soom keith malley rena