20 Episode results for "Madison dash Reed"

Mavericks & Legends: Isabella of France

Encyclopedia Womannica

06:48 min | 1 year ago

Mavericks & Legends: Isabella of France

"Hello from Wonder Media Network. I'm Jenny Kaplan and this is encyclopedia will manteca today. We're talking about the so-called she wolf of France. Her story involves conspiracy assassination an unprecedented coup. She's another one of the most controversial and contested figures in English history. Let's talk about Lean Isabella of France. Isabella was born in twelve. Ninety five she was the only surviving daughter of Philip. The fourth King of France and his wife Joan. The I of Navarre Isabella had three older brothers. Who at Various Times all reigned as kings of France or Navarre? Isabella was twelve years old when she went to England and married Edward the second a month later pair was crowned King and Queen of England. Isabela was too young to participate in English politics. At first she soon became known for her intelligence and diplomatic skills. Those skills were vital when mounting tensions between the king and lower nobility erupted Edwards favorite nopal. Here's Galveston was murdered in thirteen. Twelve by Jealous Barons. Who believed he'd become arrogant? Violence could have escalated quickly. But Isabella's smooth things over and for some time. Her diplomacy worked. Shortly after Galveston's murder Isabella gave birth to her. First Child. Edward of Windsor. She would give birth to three more children over the next step role. Years leader rumors claimed that Isabella and Edward had a troubled marriage from the start. That wasn't the case. They were a relatively happy functional. Couple until Edward chosen new favorite Noble House and the thirteen twenties Edward through his adoration at the Dispenser Family. A father and son do. The king had a particular affinity for Hugh Dispenser. The younger would married one of his nieces and thirteen o six and was appointed as his chamberlain in thirteen eighteen. The Dispenser Family was despised by many in the royal court. Were Hughes arrogance. Greed and excessive wealth Isabella in particular hated and feared them and Hugh may have contributed to some of the relationship woes Isabella and her husband when England went to war with Isabella's brother Charles. The Fourth of France Edward started to treat as it felt like an outsider and confiscated her lands in March thirteen twenty five Edward Sent Isabella to France to negotiate. Peace with Charles. Thanks once again. To her diplomatic skill the talks were a success Edwards set his and Isabella's thirteen year old son Edward of Windsor to perform the final ceremony. The agreement with her son the heir to the throne under her control in France. Isabella saw an opportunity. She offered her husband an ultimatum. Isabella refused to return home. Unless King Edward Removed Dispenser From Court and allowed her to return to her royal duties as normal. The king refused so Isabella state in France while there she started an affair with an English baron named Roger Mortimer who had escaped from prison after being arrested for leading a rebellion against the king together. Roger and Isabella formed a political alliance and decided the time had come to overthrow the king. Isabella's secured ships money and troops patrolling her son to a Belgian noble. It's September thirteen twenty six Isabella in with an army of mercenaries and exiled nobles. Many of the king's supporters joined her side right away including his two half brothers and his cousin. The dispensers were quickly captured and executed parliament force. King Edward the second to abdicate his throne to his fourteen year old son in January thirteen. Twenty seven Edward. The third began his reign. He wasn't yet of age so the country was ruled by a Regency Council. Isabela and Roger weren't officially part of that council but they seemingly had to factor ruling power and considerable influence for several years. Eventually Isabella and Roger Mortimer became as unpopular as the king before them in thirteen thirty Edward. The third ordered the arrest and execution of Roger Mortimer and sent his mother into retirement. Is it Ella? France passed away in thirteen fifty today. Many see Queen Isabella as a historical seductress who led her male victims to their dooms plays and novels painted her as a cruel manipulative person. That said her behavior could be compared to many noblemen during the time. Perhaps she stands out. I'm received more criticism because of her gender a this week of Encyclopaedia Manica is brought to you by Madison Reed. Many Mavericks and legends throughout history are remembered for the color of their locks even when salons are open coloring. Your hair could mean spending a ton of and lots of time in a salon. Have you ever wondered if there's a better way enter Madison Reed? Madison Reed Delivers Salon Quality. Hair color to your door. They make it quite easy and the products contain ingredients. That are good for your hair. Not any of the harsh stuff I have to say I had never before colored my hair at home so I took them. Addison Reed Color. Quiz ordered my product. And I can't wait to see how it turns out. My order is currently in the mail. Get Yours ten percents off go to Madison Dash Reed Dot Com and use my Promo Code Manica and you'll get ten percent off plus free shipping on your first caller I. Promo Code again is Monica W. O. M. A. N. N. I C. Go to Madison. Dash Dot com now to find your perfect shade. Madison Dash Reed Dot Com special. Thanks to Liz. Caplan my favorite sister and co-creator and thanks to all the way maniacs out there. We need your help to keep encyclopedia. Britannica going join our membership at glow dot. Fm SLASH WILL MANTECA. Talk to you tomorrow.

Isabella King Edward Navarre Isabella Queen Isabella France France Roger Mortimer Madison Reed Madison Dash Reed Dot Com Madison Dash Reed Hugh Dispenser Edwards Dispenser Family Isabela manteca Galveston Windsor Wonder Media Network Jenny Kaplan Addison Reed Color
151: What if he made you think you were crazy?

This is Actually Happening

53:52 min | 1 year ago

151: What if he made you think you were crazy?

"A brief note before today's episode over the last week I've been sheltering at home here in California. I've been thinking about all the incredible insights to people in the show have taught me one of the common threads among them as that. They've all situations of great uncertainty with courage. They've been forced to make life altering transitions. That fundamentally changed them when speaking of their own extraordinary or traumatic events people who appear on the show often say I never thought I would be able to handle something like this but when I ask them how they made it through they say I became the person that could we are now facing a series of collective life altering unknowns. I hope the stories on this show. For your sense. You are not alone in your fears and that together. I hope we were able to become the people we need to be to rise to the challenge. If you'd like to connect and share in this experience with us join our own little. This is actually happening. Community by searching for this is actually happening discussion group on facebook. Thank you for listening. I was sure that this was his mental illness. And not something wrong with me until I started having those dreams and hearing it in my head and that was when I started to think like Holy Shack. Maybe I'm actually going crazy presentation of the Audio podcast. This is actually happening episode What does he mean you think you were crazy? Today's episode of this is actually happening is brought to you by Madison Reed. Are you concerned about what's in your hair color that it might be damaging your hair? Madison Reed is reinventing at home hair. Color to give you salon-quality results delivered to your door made with ingredients that you can feel good about unlike other hair color. It doesn't have these ingredients that can do damage to your hair. No ammonia no parabens no valley. It's no PD. No Gluten and no sodium Laurel Sulfate and it's full of ingredients that actually nourish your hair medicine color infused with Argon Oil Carrington and Ginseng root extracts. So you get shiny healthy looking hair. And it's incredibly convenient. They deliver right here door on your schedule. Whenever you're ready you do it on your schedule in under an hour in the comfort of your own home. What makes Madison Reed Color? Unique is that it's crafted by master clarice. Who Blend Nuances of light? Dark cool and warm to create over forty five gorgeous shades get ammonia free multidimensional hair-color delivered to your door starting at twenty two dollars visit. Madison Dash Reed Dot Com. That's Madison Dash Reed Dot Com and this is actually happening listeners. Get ten percent off plus free shipping on your first color kit. Use the Promo Code happening. That's code happening Grew up in the really small town in Ontario. I'm the only girl in my family. I have two older brothers and one younger brother. I was a really outgoing child. I would talk to anybody. I had a big imagination. I was very in my head a I had a bit of anxiety as a kid. I had a bit of a little bit of. Ocd when it came to numbers and things not being even like. If my shoes didn't have an even number I wouldn't wear them and I would measure my shoelaces. I used to measure the sides of my bed to make sure my blanket was even around the three sides if it was hanging off. I don't really know where that started and I don't really know how it stopped either. My parents separated for about a year. I was eight years old and my mom just told me in my little brother to pack and and we left and we moved to a different town. I believe the reason for the separation was my dad. Had been having an affair and then eventually they went to marriage counseling and reconciled their differences and we moved back home. Definitely gave me this sense of like you workout a relationship through anything no matter what you know. My parents were able to overcome this. So you know when I fall in love. I know that love can conquer all that sort of thing middle school years puberty years. I really struggled through life. That was when a lot of my anxieties really blossomed. I guess and that's when I think I really started suffering from depression when I was about twelve locking myself away fighting with my parents a lot when I was about twelve. I started cutting myself pretty regularly. I started smoking weed as well. Those were definitely hard years. High School got a little better. I found my group. I was quite as donor. I smoked a lot of weed. I did a lot of other drugs. I drank a lot and I was never really asked if something was wrong. It was more of A. What's wrong with you so I I tend to shy away. A lot avoided my family. There was really major event in high school. My older brother was in a car accident. They went to a bunch of different houses. Saw Different friends. They were going to be going out. Last stop was his girlfriend. They picked her up and drove around the corner from her house. It was January and it was slushy as they. You know turned out of her subdivision. The car slid on I guess he lost control of the vehicle and hit a pole and she died right there. Obviously the cops were asking them if they had been drinking in he. He admitted that he had a drink. He got arrested and he went to jail for two years for causing her death. In one of our friends was in the car and she was injured. His girlfriend was a friend of mine she was my age and I just changed everything in our house. In our lives everything went downhill. After that my parents became really absent. I was sixteen. I was a virgin. I had never had a boyfriend until that point and after that it just kind of hit me that I could die at any moment it made me feel like I had to experience everything so I kinda stop saying no to things that was when I started really seeking male attention. My parents did ask if I was okay you know. They asked if I needed counseling because they were getting help and I said No. I don't think I need it but I mean I was sixteen so I don't think I knew any better so I think kind of boyfriends became that they especially that first one. He became that ear for me. It filled that void. I think of just having someone listen to me. After we broke up I became quite promiscuous. I was in a relationship I was very committed. I was a spend all day everyday together. Talk on the phone at night kind of relationship and then when that relationship dissolved it was whoever I fancied at that time it was just one after the other for a while until the next serious committed relationship my best friend at the time he was a friend that I had on and off since I was eight. We were driving around smoking weed Trying to find more weed so he said Hey. I have a buddy that sells I can probably get some from him and that was the first time I met him got in the back of my car. He sold us and we'd we smoked a blunt in a parking lot and then he was gone and I kind of laughed. I'm like who? Is that weird kid and he's like. Oh yeah that's my buddy. He's Kinda strange but you know he's he's really good people you know he. He's fine. He was awkward and Nerdy Looking. But then he was like this drug dealer and like had this gangster persona just this interesting but strange human being and I guess I mean I kind of thought that I was a weird human being so I guess I just thought maybe we had something in common and then I met him again at a party a few weeks later and I pursued him then we started sleeping together and then it was a lot of just sitting around in my bedroom. Smoking Weed and having Saxon I would go to work and I would go to school. You know the fact that he didn't have a job and he wasn't in school or anything like so we'll what do you do what he's like? I you know I'm I have a disability so I don't have to really do anything. I just get a check every month. All he ever told me in regards to an actual diagnosis was that they they labeled it psychosis. He had tendencies of schizophrenia and like he's manic depressive and right from the beginning I witnessed you know really high highs and really low lows and flying off the handle for no reason you know that's when I should have run but I didn't. I can remember meeting his mom for the first time and Him You know warning me like I hate my mom. I I hate my mom. So we're gonNA fight just so you know you're gonNA see it. Don't listen to her she's crazy and she's a bitch and just don't listen to her. Sure enough the first time I met her. They got in a fight and she ended up calling the police and him and I took off in my car and got away and that that kind of became a regular occurrence. He wasn't raised by his mom. His grandparents had raised him because she wasn't fit. She had suffered from drug and alcohol abuse. She had a history of trying to commit suicide. I know of one incident that he witnessed in the beginning. He was always verbally abusive to his mom and to his grandparents. By never to me. Everything was fine. I'd say for the first six months. We were both very clingy and obsessive and controlling and we spent every waking moment together. There was a lot of jealousy on both sides. I was not okay with him. Speaking to girls at all and he was not okay with me. Speaking two guys at all very controlling reading Tax Messages stuff like that. It was very petty second semester of that school year was starting and I wanted him to finish school and I wanted him to get a job. I was like if you enroll in my high school in my parents. Let you live with us. Will you finish school and think about getting a job? I was trying to help him so he moved in. And that's when I got a lot more controlling. I noticed him getting a lot more aggressive and that was kind of when it started turning on me the first time he ever hit me was my nineteenth birthday. My best friends. We all have birthdays Within two weeks of each other and we always celebrate it together and this year he said to me. You're not allowed. I'm not letting you and I'm like well. What are you going to do if I go? And he said I'll kill myself and I'll make several knows that it was your fault so I didn't go. My Birthday. Had to be spent with him so we fought a bottle of vodka em. We're having just a night in watching movies and drinking and smoking weed and we lived in my parents basement at the time so we were kind of on our own down there. I know he was mad at me for something and you know the way I could make up to him was to have sex. That became common. He never physically forced it on me. I was never held down. It was all just like coercion. And I'm mad at you for this so you can make up to me like that so I would. I mean it was an easy way to shut him up but this particular night in this had never happened before and I don't know if he did it on purpose or not he slipped out and hit me in the wrong spot and hurt so I jumped away and as soon as we started going again he did it again but a lot harder and I started bleeding and I was crying and it wasn't stopping and I was scared and I was crying and he got mad at me for crying and you know he said it wasn't my fault. Stop acting like I did it on purpose. You're being a baby and he just lost. It just lost his mind. He started throwing things he took. The there was about half a twenty six or left and he chugged it and then threw the bottle at the floor. He he busted the hardwood floor. He picked up my bed and my mattress and tossed them over and he threw me to the ground and just started screaming at me in raging at me. I quickly got dressed and I said I'm I'm driving you home to your mom's house. I don't want you here and was drunk and he was drunk but I at that point like my adrenaline was going and I just said getting car relieving and we were driving. I just started screaming. Stop yelling at me. And then he just hit me he just hauled off and punched me in the neck and in the shoulder and I pulled over the car right there the side of the road and we were in the middle of a wooded area and I said get out and he got oh and my went home. I went and woke my parents up. I didn't tell them everything just told them that we were drinking. We got in a fight and he hit me and they made me promise that I'd never see him again. Go near him. Don't answer his phone calls. Don't talk to him and it was you know I never want you seeing him again. I promised that I never would but that only lasted like a couple of weeks. Today's episode of this is actually happening brought to you by the great courses. 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This is actually happening listeners. This amazing deal for a limited time. Only they're offering my listeners an entire month for free but to start your one month free trial. You must sign up today using my special. Url sign up now at the great courses plus dot com slash happening. That's the great courses plus dot com slash happening. Today's episode of this is actually happening is brought to you by simplisafe with home security. There are two ways you can go about protecting your home. There's the traditional way where you wait weeks for technician too messy installation that costs a small fortune. Or there's the other way simply safe simplisafe is everything you need in a home security system. It's award winning. Protection is a two time. Winner of Senate editor's Choice Award. You'll get comprehensive protection for your entire home outdoor cameras and doorbells alert you to anyone approaching your home while entry motion and glass break. Sensors guard the inside. But what's truly remarkable is that you can set up this system all by yourself and it only takes thirty minutes to an hour. You'll have an army of highly trained security experts. Ready to dispatch police. Your home at a moment's notice twenty four seven and it's only fifty cents a day with no contracts go to simplisafe dot com slash happening today. And you'll get free shipping and a sixty day risk-free trial you've got nothing to lose. Go now and be sure to go to simplisafe dot com slash happening that simplisafe dot com slash happening started seeing him again and it was. I'm so sorry I've never hit a woman before. And you know I've seen my mom get beat up by boyfriends and I promised I would never be that and I'm going to change and you know maybe I really need to start working on my mental health and all get counseling and all this the only place we could see each other was at his mom's house and I remember one time him treating me terribly like just kind of being scumbag he kept. He kept calling me come bucket. His Mom told him to stop and she started yelling at him for speaking to me that way and then they started fighting and you know. I can remember him like pushing her down the stairs and he beat her with her phone. He unplugged the phone from the wall. Like the the landline and tore the court out so she couldn't call the cops and like kicked her front door down and we ran off. There's only a handful of times that he ever actually hit me. One time. He punched me in a club and we got kicked out. He would grab me a lot. You know restrain me sort of thing. One time he pushed me down a hill other than that. It was just threats of it or hitting something near me or hitting himself or grabbing a knife and cutting himself in front of me. See I can do. I can kill myself and that it'd be my fault. He would say. My mom almost did it. I've tried to do it if I want to succeed. I will and if you leave me or if you hurt me I will kill myself so I just put up with when we would fight and he would go off into a rage. I very much would go off into a rage as well. I would hit him back. I would yell scream as well. I would go from being mad angry at him for putting all of his problems on me and then it would quickly dissolve into like. Oh my God. What if he actually killed himself in front of me and this is all my fault and then I would I would cave. I would always end up caving. I would always end up just giving in and crying and he would cry too and you know I don't really know how it would end up resolving but it always did end up resolving and you know And then a minute later we would be like smoking and laughing and everything was fine. In a minute ago we were hitting each other and screaming in each other's faces. There was a thing that he used to do where he would pretend. We had conversations that I didn't remember having or I would bring up a conversation we had had and he would say no. We weren't we weren't talking about that yet. We were like we've been sitting here for like ten minutes discussing what movie we're seeing tomorrow. And he would like are you okay like are you having a blackout or something. Because we we've been silent for like a half an hour. I thought you were mad at me. I can remember the first time I really noticed it. We were smoking a blunt in McDonald's parking lot and there was a billboard for big Mac in front of us and he said I could really go for big Mac right now and I was like well when we're done smoking this. Let's go get a big MAC. And he's like what do you mean when we're done smoking this? Let's go get a big Mac and I'm like you just said you could really go for a big Mac. So let's go get one and he got like so serious. He looked at me and he said. Are you hearing things? And I'm like I heard you say that you wanted a big Mac and he's like I haven't been talking at all like we haven't spoken since I let this so either you're hearing things or something's wrong and I got so angry because we adjust started smoking. I wasn't stoned and I'm like you said it. I swear to God you said. You wanted a big Mac. He didn't even get mad at me. He got so concerned and he was like it didn't happen. It didn't happen and it just blew my mind so that was when I started really paying attention to everything he said and I started noticing it happening with everything with little things my keys. My car keys. He'd hide them and then convince me that I must have absent. Mindedly put them somewhere. I would find my keys in random places like in the freezer or like in a in a bag that I wasn't using or something and he would be like you know. I don't touch your car keys. I don't he didn't drive. He didn't have a license. So why would I touch your car keys? You must've put them there. But like I know that I didn't and conversations you know like even fights like I'd be mad at him about something he said. I mean you know it could have been anything. And he would deny deny deny that it happened and then he started really like you know. Maybe you need help. I understand what it's like. I go through to sometimes. I have voices in my head. Maybe you need to talk to someone. It didn't help that through all of this. My depression was at an all time. Low like I was. I was a cutter like I was a self mutilating very closeted and no one ever really saw it. One part of me was so defeated that I almost believed him and then another part of me was like but no because no one's ever accused you of being crazy before. Why all of a sudden would this person that you know suffers from a mental illness? Be Able to diagnose you so. I was really fighting within myself about what was really going on. What was reality? And what Wasn at this point in my life and I don't know when it started like in reference to my time line with him but I started having paranormal experiences. The first time it happened it wasn't a bad day. There was nothing going on. We hadn't fought there was there was nothing happening and I was driving in my car and I just out of the corner of my. I caught a glimpse of a man sitting in the seat beside me. I hadn't been smoking weed. I hadn't been drinking doing any other drugs when I was working. I was sober so I was coming home from work. It happened in the blink of an eye that I saw this man beside me. My heart started racing and all my hair stood on end and I just you know talk myself out of like okay like that trick of your mind. It's not real. But then I saw it again to where even if I blinked. He was still there and then reached out and touched me on my arm and the area where I felt. The touch went numb like completely numb and that started happening all the time in my car. Sometimes it would be the aside me sometimes. It would be behind me sometimes. It would pull my hair. I'd be driving in my hair. Would just get my whole head. Would move be yanked? It kept happening and I was just afraid of driving. He kept touching my hands like I felt like I could not grasp the steering wheel and so I pulled over my car and called my parents and I said like I don't know what's going on but I don't feel comfortable driving. So can you come get me? That happened maybe only two or three times. That were really scared me to where I didn't want to get back in my car I would just experience like a large amounts of anxiety And sometimes kind of I would go into panic attacks feeling like I can't breathe and not sure if it's really happening and you know my heart would raise send. I'd suffered from panic attacks ever since my brother's car accident so I was quite used to them especially in in cars. I dealt with panic attacks in cars for very very long time and so I would just treat it like my usual panic attacks. I'd go outside and sit down with my head between my knees breathing. Drink water and and then just wait for it to subside and then just continue on with my day like nothing happened. I started having dreams about this man. It was always the same guy a large man with dark features and dark hair and dark eyes and dark clothing always kind of smiling but looked mad at the same time. It was always his voice and it was always him this particular dream. I remember had been like open-handed hitting me in scratching me so I woke up with scratches and I had like a handprint on my arm like I had been slapped and one of these dreams. He was my dad. The man all of a sudden was behind him and jumped into him and he just lunged at me and started choking me and everything started to go black and then I woke up and I had red marks on my neck didn't fully bruise but for that day I had like red marks and scratches. I don't know if maybe I was grabbing my throat. And my sleep in my dreams. He would jump into the people around me and make them hurt me so often. It was my dad or my best girlfriend for some reason. She was often in my dreams and he would make her hurt me and I would. I would always wake up right before they kill me. And I'd wake up with bruises and scratches and physical marks. It progressed into then. I would have dreams where I'd be sitting at a table looking in a mirror. And he would be behind me and he would just step into my body and I kill myself. It started with just the dreams but then it started happening when I was awake where I would have like a vision of him jumping into me and throwing the steering wheel and my car just going off the road and I would just I would just die and it would all be over. I have never been suicidal. I have never wanted to die. I have always wanted to live. I've always wanted more wanted better so I knew it wasn't me and I hear his voice calling me to end it but I knew it wasn't mine it was like you know the way you hear your own thoughts. But it wasn't my voice wasn't my thoughts and it was always telling me to hurt myself before someone else did. Your life is going to be terrible regardless just just die. It was very tricky like it was very much. I tried to rationalize it on my mind. Playing tricks on me earl. It's just a bad dream. But there were other people around me that experienced it. I had a friend sleepover and she woke up in the middle of the night and she said that my door just slammed shut out of nowhere and then she could hear footsteps in the Hallway and she left my house and never came to my house again. There was one major incident with this and it kind of signaled the beginning of the end of everything it was summer and I was with this boyfriend. We were still together at this time and we were in my car and we were smoking weed. I was in the driver seat and he was in the passenger seat and it was. It was a normal day Nothing was going on. We were just chilling getting high. And I saw the guy behind me and I just kind of froze I blinked and he went away and so I thought okay like it's it's gone. I'm okay and then I just felt this sharp pot pain in my back. If felt like a razor like it was that sort of just really like sharp and quick and hot pain and I screamed like outwardly screamed. He starts freaking out and he's like what's wrong and I start crying and I'm like Oh my God my back lake. Something just stabbed me in my back and I lifted up my shirt and I had like a long scratch down my back just to the right of my spine. I was bleeding and he was wide. I like what what did that? Like how are you bleeding in? So he starts like squishing my My car seat together to see if there's something in the seat that was stabbing me and then he starts screaming and I'm like what he's like. My shoulder my shoulder and he rips off his shirt and he's got these three long scratches down his shoulder. We both freaked out. We left my car there. I went back for like the next day. I just don't know I don't know if that was a paranormal experience. Or if you know psychologically I was just you know being affected by everything going on around me because I mean it didn't start when I started dating him. It was towards the end of the relationship that those experiences started and it was sort of overlapping with the turmoil that I was experiencing with him. But it didn't seem to co relate so like it wasn't like these things would happen when we were fighting like if it was happening when we were fighting. I would think that I'm just reacting to him. That maybe maybe I'm experiencing something because of him but it didn't. I like things to be tangible in front of me. I love proof. It's something that's definitely something. I still think about in struggle with of whether or not I actually believe in paranormal stuff and whether or not I believe that those things that I experienced were actually paranormal or whether it was all in my head. Today's episode of this is actually happening as brought to you by Gabby insurance. 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Ranked in their category with a four point nine out of five rating trust pilot and hurried up start dot com slash happening to find out. How low your upstart rate is checking? Your rate only takes a few minutes. That's upstart dot com slash happening After the paranormal stuff started happening that I really started believing him because the things that he were doing. We're all very tangible. Like when he was saying things to me. It was very clear to me that he was fucking with me. I was sure that this was his mental illness. And not something wrong with me until I started having those dreams in and feeling like I was seeing this guy in my car and feeling like I was hearing his voice and that was hearing it in my head and that was when I started to think like Holy Shit. Maybe I'm actually going crazy. I would talk to my mom about it and I started asking her if our family had a history of mental illness and she said you know that maybe I needed to talk to someone and I know that the woman I went to see someone that my mom knew her through church and she said that she dealt with spiritual struggle so that was who I started seeing after seeing her a few times. She told me that she didn't think suffered from any mental illness other than dealing with some anxiety and depression which she said was understandable. That I had those issues but I wasn't crazy in that weather. I was dealing with something spiritual or whether it was the negative effects of this relationship that either way I had to cut both off. I don't know what changed. I guess it was. Maybe that experience. I said enough's enough. I'm just I'm fucking done with all of this. I don't want this anymore. I told him that it was over. I said I couldn't do it anymore. He said he would kill himself. I said then. Then that's your problem not mine. I called his grandparents. I told them that I had broken up with him. They didn't know where he was at the time but shortly after that they couldn't find him they went looking for him and I got a call a few days later that he had tried to kill himself and he was in the hospital from what they told me. He had slit his wrists and then just walked off into it was snowing. He had just like walked off into the night. They found him like someone saw him like bleeding. Snowbank his grandparents told me that it really was and it wasn't that bad in this was a cry for attention and they said now more than ever. You need to just not answer. Just go off disappear goal of your life. Once I broke up with him and cut him out of my life and started seeing her like again. It'll happen in the same week. Nothing ever happened again. I never heard a voice. I never had a dream. I never had any feelings of. Maybe I'm crazy. I never questioned myself ever again. I don't really know if it was cutting him out. That was the big change or if it was me just deciding that I was going to take care of myself and focus on myself and my mental health. I think it was going to counseling. That really helped me sort of see things clearly. Because I was just feeling so foggy I had my friends. I could talk to but as far as the boyfriend went. They didn't like him. Obviously and I couldn't open up completely to anybody so it was really hard trying to navigate what I was going through a loan. Just kind of dealing with all of this stuff beneath the surface that nobody. Nobody really saw the whole picture. Nobody really was seeing everything. I was seeing and feeling everything. I was feeling so when I had this unbiased person who is sitting there just to listen to me. Sort out the mess of my mind and her reassuring me of what she was seeing and telling me that she was seeing the person that thought I was. That really gave me the strength. To See my way through it. An amplified that part of me. That wasn't totally lost yet. I went off to college. I went to school in like I was doing really well in school and caught myself back. I moved out on my own like I was just. I was doing really well and then I got into another relationship sort of towards the end of my schooling the end of my second year. That was when I started dating my ex-boyfriends best friend and then again was I got back into a relationship. Lost myself again and just went like full into this relationship became inseparable the same problems that I've had in every other one jealousy controlling fighting. Just you know a really immature really petty relationship and then eventually you know the yelling turns physical fights that relationship lasted about two years. I went into another spiral. I started doing a lot of drugs. I lost my job. I got fired. I took my last paycheck and I bought as much coke as I could with it and then I flipped it and then I started doing that. I just started flipping coke here and there to continue to supply my partying habits. I drinking and smoking. I was single and just doing a lot of drugs. I felt really scummy at that. Point was another one of those like what am I doing with my life. How am I back here? I need to change. I wasn't going to make any really positive changes in my life. If I was still in the same town seeing all the same people I was fresh out of school and I just started handing out as many resumes. I could chew as many job opportunities outside of my town as I could until I found one. That was far enough away that I could be a bit of a recluse and just started really taking care of myself. I got to a point where I kind of wanted to start dating again and I just had decided I was GonNa have a completely different approach to dating a completely different outlook. I was going to be critical and I wasn't going to just date anybody and I was going away and I was going to date until I fell in love. I had a friend from college. She had said like. I'm going partying in Toronto. From my birthday you WANNA come so I said Okay and I just met her in Toronto for a weekend and she had a friend and she was like. We're GONNA party at his house. You can crash there. If you want the night I met him. I cancelled all my other dates. I just completely fell in love with him for the first time. I was with someone who like didn't want to check my phone and didn't think that that was okay in a relationship and didn't think that it was reasonable to demand that your partner not have friends of the opposite sex whereas that's what was normal for me. He took me on dates and really took his time to get to know me and he just did not treat me with the same sort of disrespect that I had always experienced previously. I had a lot of walls. It took time for him to kind of break. All of that down and really like get to understand why. I was the way that I was. He's the first person I think I've ever told my entire story to the bad things that have happened to me in all the bad things that I've done because I wasn't always innocent. I did bad things too. I wasn't a good person in that time to myself or to other people. We met a couple of months before he was meant to move to Australia. So we agree to date casually but that we we already knew break-up date and that would be so we kind of talked to. It may be just like continuing to have contact. After he left. We were in the midst of talking about that. When I got pregnant I had been told at twenty that I would never have kids because I had really bad and Dimitrius and cysts and I ended up having surgery right before I met my husband and then within two months of meeting him I got pregnant. He still went to Australia for a couple of months and then he came back and we just decided that we were going to give this a shot. We were going to have a baby. So let's see if you know what we felt was there in. The beginning was really there. And for the first time I actually trusted my interrelationship and my gut said to go all in and I did and you know ended up being like the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. That just changed everything for me. That changed my entire life. I have not done drugs sense right. After my daughter was born I had postpartum depression and I had started cutting myself again and I said No. I don't Wanna be that mom that hides in her closet and cuts herself. So I I went to my doctor and I said that I thought I was struggling with depression. I got on medication and I did counseling and my whole world changed. I can't be someone's mom and help her through her struggles in life if I can't even ask for help when I need it so then asking for help became huge for me. It's been six solid years of me taking care of myself and being on medication and seeking help when I need it and like just really being honest and now I mean now I'm honest with like my family and my friends about everything now. My family knows I've learned to just be really honest about what I'm struggling through. Really honest about how I'm feeling and how things affect me because nobody benefits from you know keeping it to myself and I mean my relationship with my parents is amazing. My relationship with my siblings is a lot better. My family is a very strong unit. Now the major impact that that whole period had on me now is I feel like my eyes are very open to other people and other people's struggles and you know all the things that are happening behind closed doors that you don't see all the things that are happening you know below the surface of someone's personality that you don't notice the more I learned about myself and why I let it go on and why I didn't run the easier. It became to forgive him. He did apologize to me. You know I can't believe what I did to you you know. Are you okay and I would just brush it off? Like I didn't WanNa talk about it with him. I would just. Yeah Yeah. I'm fine. Your problems are your problems. My problems are my problems. Just you know we're friends now. Just leave it at that. I would say to him like I hope you don't ever treat a girl like that again. And he told me he's like I've never hit a girl since then. I think we were both broken at that time. I really realize how vulnerable I was. When I met him. And how easy? It was to take advantage of me. Even my husband like you know Kinda wonders how like. I don't hate this person and he actually this this year he contacted me just to say hi and see how my life is and just a you know. Wanted to check in and he actually had asked if we could get together him and his girlfriend and me and my husband he said you know we kind of wanted to see how I'm doing and I said no and he was like. Oh are you with another jealous guy and I said No. I didn't even ask him if he was interested in that. I'm not interested in seeing you. And he said why. And I said because you're part of my past and who I was when I knew you is not who I really am anymore and I'm just not willing to open up that part of my life. 'cause he was like well you know we. We were friends like I thought you forgave me and I said I do. I hold no hard feelings against you but I don't WanNa be friends with you and I don't want you in my life that aspect of me to forgive and to try to help people. It was almost a crutch this wanting to fix him wanting to help him fix him. When I wasn't fixed I was very broken and I think that's the the root of it all now. I'm not broken and I'm not lost and I'm a strong person so my forgiveness now and my ability to forgive people and understand them is strength. Because I'm taking care of myself and I know that I'm of sound mind whereas when I'm not taking care of myself and I'm not thinking highly of myself that forgiveness ends up being a problem and ends up hurting me. Instead of being a strength it changed the way. I look at relationships a lot because that was where I realized that nobody else has. Happiness is my responsibility as I get older. It just really becomes more and more ingrained in me. How important it is for me to take care of me. There's some days where my kids really want my attention and I know that I'm not in that place and so it's like I need to do something for me. I so that I can give you my full attention. I always thought that was kind of a selfish way of thinking. But it's not selfish. It's not selfish to take care of Yourself I. It's not selfish to need a day off or to need a day to yourself and to take it you need it and you'll be a better person because of it. I'm never going to let myself go that far away from WHO I am again. I know that I'll never ignore myself that drastically ever again. I now have two daughters and I'm raising them to really care about their mental health and navigate life and their emotions and to value yourself and to not be with people who don't value. You know this is actually happening is brought to you by me with missile line. If you love what we do you can join the community on our official instagram page. At actually happening you can also rate and review the show on itunes which helps tremendously boost visibility to a larger community of listeners. And if you want to help sustain the show for the coming years you can contribute a small monthly donation through our patriots page at Patriotair Dot com slash happening. Thank you for listening until next time stay tuned.

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Ep 1 - Living For Connection

Dying For Sex

45:20 min | 1 year ago

Ep 1 - Living For Connection

"The tape because you close the door so the dog doesn't get in there. She goes quiet and keep the kids quiet too. Because I have to record by. Ill read it in the two months since we finished the final episode of dying for Sex. It feels like planet earth is a completely new place. Okay Oh my God what am I doing at call? Call Scott Okay. Here we go in three two. Hello is Scott is I guess. Nikki Boyer from Dying for sex. High used to record in a professional studio with a trained engineer. Now I'm sitting in a closet next to my boyfriend's running shoes and a collection of sweaters recording myself. It's cramped and it's weird but all right now. I feel grateful. I'm healthy and so is my family. Funny how things I used to take for granted feel like the most important things in the world right. Now how are you? I'm good? Oh my God it's so nice to hear your voice you in a little bit. I know it's been a while a lot a lot of change. The world has definitely changed forever. In case you didn't recognize the voice that Scott otherwise known as car alarm guy from episode to Dine for sex. And for those of you who haven't listened dine. Percents is a story about my best friend. Molly a few years back. She was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer and she embarked on a series of sexual adventures. To feel alive. There was such an amazing response to Tamale story from listeners. And I got so many. Dmz from people. That are I mean. Just some of the most beautiful things I've ever read. Honestly and people are sharing their stories and their feelings. And it's about love you know in about resilience and connection and it's just been it's been really cool so I thought that I would reach out to you. Say Hi and zero you were and can you around all of this. Yes definitely a time. When connection is very different than it has been you know molly story and she took. She took a lot of risks when there was uncertainty in her life. Right and it. Kinda got me thinking Since the PODCAST has ended its it feels like the whole world has changed in a way. We're socially isolating there's anxiety and we're just. I don't know I feel like we're just dealing with a whole a whole new world right now and so. I wanted to know how people are dating how people are looking for love and finding connection and and I wondered actually if you would just share where you are right now in all of this and how you're connecting and if you're dating anybody. I got bored last week. And downloaded bubble. And Hinge are dying to ask you about this. I was going to go there are you. Are you dating? Let's go a little thing like. Tell me what's going on. Well you know. It's obviously be honest. Talk about everything more honest with you. I know right so I think we should just dig it and are you ready. Oh I'm ready. Let's do it lately. I have been thinking about dyeing my hair at home right. You know exactly what I mean and if I'm going to take that plunged I can't think of a better place to do it than at home. Hair color company Madison. Reed take a few minutes. Poke around on their website. Trust me it'll make you feel so much more confident in your ability to easily color. Your hair yourself. And most importantly that you'll get salon-quality results there step by step instructions answers to all your questions video tutorials and you can even chat with one of their expert culturists. Another thing that I love about Madison Reed is that it's made with ingredients that you can actually feel good about things you WanNa put on your head right like Argon oil and Carrigan with no ammonia no parabens or sodium laurel sulfate. I mean why. Would you wanna put that stuff on your hair? Well you don't have to whether it's covering stubborn grays or freshening up your look. With a new color you can get ammonia free multidimensional hair-color delivered to your front door. Starting at just twenty two dollars at Madison Dash Reed Dot Com. Use Promo Code Molly and you'll get ten percent off plus free shipping on your first color kit. That's Promo Code Molly M. O. L. L. Y. Visit Madison Dash. Re Dot Com to find your new perfect shade. That's Madison Dash Reed Dot. Com Nikki are not high Nike. Heineke a little over a month ago. I finished recording a podcast about my friend. Molly and I was so blown away by the messages that I got from you. Your podcast died for sex it and inspired me so much. You're my favorite voice to listen to and laugh and cry as I walk six feet away from people outside really resonated with me in a way that I didn't expect it. I think messages that made me laugh and made me cry and made me so grateful for all of you. You're Molly's friendship reminded me so much of me and my best friend and I'm getting emotional talking about it. Even 'cause she's sick the world thirty days ago compared to the world now are completely different and every way since then we've been hit by a whole new reality and I don't know about you but being stuck in a box for days on end can kind of get you thinking about all kinds of things for me. It's mostly about the things. I miss like a child at the corner. Market they make flowers and the cream or taking Bernie to the dog park and people. Oh Man I miss seeing my good friends and I miss hugs and I still Miss Molly these times. Remind me how fearless she was in her search for connection and love which made me wonder about all of you and how you're connecting and these crazy times so I sent a call out on my social and here on this feed asking for your stories and they started pouring in your your day. I had a guy actually heard heard this week if I wanted and I haven't gone outside. Do you know what is happening. It's all really scary. There's so much out of my control. I actually won't forget this quarantine because a big milestone happened with me and my boyfriend during this pandemic he got down on one knee and he said he didn't want to wait any longer. There were so many incredible stories so we decided to do something different. Three special episodes where I talked to you about dating and love in these times from wonder. I'm Nikki. Boyer and this is living for connection at the sewed one so Scott. Tell me like let's set the scene. Tell me where you are physically right now. I'm currently lying on my bed like a teenage girl in the nineties. Talking to you does up. Are you serious US too early in your hair? No here's not that long. Actually stroking my quarantine geared. I guess that counts for something and then I'm laying on this six years ago. My mother said to be sweet and save all my childhood t shirts and make them into a giant t shirt quilt side. So I'm looking at this giant T shirt quilt of my child. So you only have. I loved that sounds very comfortable. You've really set the scene you asked. I figured why not. I'm just making a little small talk before jump into it and I'm Kinda glad that I did. Because the image of Scott twirling his hair like Britney Spears is priceless but what I really WanNa know is how a guy who had sworn off dateline was now using not just one but two dating apps the last time I talked to you. You weren't dating at all like you were not open to it. You said actually quote it was scary and I just so what changed like what. What inspired you to start. Oh it's Oh it's still is still scary. Oh yeah yeah it's still but it's Kinda it's interesting. I'm very social person. So if I never have to meet someone which I can meet people but if I don't ever meet them we talk in Kentucky. I'm totally cool with that. 'cause I like to be socially stimulated and we're just stuck inside so the pressure's kind of gone. It's like when I would go on dates. We girls in the past. It's hard to hold out for multiple dates before becoming physical but now that we're kind of forced that not to happen. I'm really enjoying like getting to know someone on a level that you you aren't able to see them in person you'd like us at the beginning connection like whatever that is now and now the definition of connection today is just over the phone overtaxed Rubio it feels like all the pressure has been lifted. And you're actually getting to know someone and not just seeing them in a physical sense like I mean sure I could think about being physical down the line but I don't know when that would happen because it's a question mark after tomorrow after today so I do. I WanNa know who you are talking to like when you're excited about kind of what the details of lead. I you know as of right now. We're talking only about maybe two or three. But it's fine one woman. Granny wake up every every other morning. And she descends me like novels of Erotica and I. I don't know why it just it started off like right off the bat and then I then I start. Getting Erotica mini techs novels about stuff. Because I'm okay with it. Wait this is someone that you're dating right now. You've never met her right. I don't WanNA use the word dating. We're talking on the phone. The phones texting plow. And you're okay would you. Would you read? What no listen. Nothing can be worse than you ejaculate. Out of Mali's car right. That's true it's okay to ask right okay. Does this stuff. Attorney one in the readings. Yeah I would say yeah I mean it's it's fun to read. I enjoyed it when I got it. And it's just like I'm no longer asking. If it comes it comes couple of days but I mean it's one of those were like I like she also in attacks told me to come over and I'm and I go this woman's not very responsible. It's a quarantine right so so I didn't go no offence to anyone out there. I just don't it's one of those. It's it's it's it's a weird time for trust. Yeah it is so does does that sort of I guess. Eliminate her as someone you'd want to see Yeah I think so. But then there's another one who actually really enjoyed talking to in. We're keeping a very professional very fun and we'd like we'd like zoom video chats than just shot the. Shit. I'm very very appropriate. Tell me what that was like sort of logging on seeing her face for the first time what does she look like what it what was what was that experience like. She personally wore a nice shirt because she felt. She told me she felt bad that all of her nice clothes weren't getting used date. I know I know I could have warned something better. I mean it for last night though. I worry about non listening so you were a button-down shirt on your second date with her. How durable is that talker? Two and a half hours think. Wow I know it's like Nissan through Quentin Tarantino movie but What you like about her and what you guys are talking about. We have a lot in common. It's fun it's easy quirky. I guess we're getting to know one another and a personal level because when you think about it when conversation go flat on a date. It's crazy that that happens because there's so much to people could talk about you we. We've got an apartment. We'll talk about family background. But we're not forcing the conversation it has happened to flow that way and there's no pressure of Being physical is funny as it sounds revive. Nikki it's great. She has a great okay. Would you have a plan for meeting her like? Are you excited to meet her? I am it's I am excited. It's funny because at this point today to meet her but my thought I can't help but think If this goes on until end of May or start there who knows right is is it going to hold out like is the longevity? Dare I say you know you're such a good guy and someone deserves to be on the other end of of your love and your care and and I just love the opening yourself up to that not to be too mushy but I just think you're you make a great boyfriend did. Thank you know we need we need. We need a lot of Mush right now. Doing so good on the mush in this world. Now it's really made me realize how important my friends are and my family has. I'm actually video chatting more than ever. Have you chatted with my parents and my grandfather on Sunday? I told my mom I'm like you know I can't believe it took a pandemic for me to start the shot and you guys but it's brought it's probably closer together with people even though we're all apart from each other before all this texting and facetime was for check ins are flirting or for long distance relationships but now for a lot of us it's our main way of keeping in contact technologies actually bringing us closer together and deepening connections with friends and strangers. Thank you so much for just opening up and chatting with us and just continuing to be just a an awesome person and stay safe. Do thank you for the call appreciate you. Stay safe as well by. Oh I just love him but what do you do if Swipe Right? Apps aren't working for you. What if you long for physical touch and a real physical connection? That's what the person in our next story is grappling with. I was very scared. I had really resigned myself to Being ALONE FOR WEEKS IF NOT MONTHS. No physical touch no human connection. Omg Yes dot. Com is a website devoted to women's sexual pleasure. Now how many websites can actually say that to get a better handle on this important topic? Omg Yes asked. Tens of thousands of women ages eighteen to ninety five. What was the one discover? You've made that really made your pleasure better. We're talking physical techniques psychological techniques ways of guiding your partner and all of that bounty of information is ready. And it's waiting for you yes you on. Omg Yes dot com. Think about it. You're sitting at home with your partner right instead of watching another episode of TV. You log onto OMG. Yes Dot Com. Suddenly you're down the rabbit hole and then you're reading and you're clicking around and before you know it you're watching videos and animations and then it becomes sort of this launch pad for you to go experiment together and then talk about what feels good. I might be speaking from personal experience here. Just say in seriously my friends. I'm telling you. Omg Yes is really fun. And what they're doing is so long overdue. It's for everyone who cares about women's pleasure women men and couples so it's time to start making a great thing even better go to. Omg Yes dot com slash molly to explore. You can get a special discount. That's omg yes dot com slash molly. Hi My name is Lindsay and I am a thirty two year old female. I've been single for about four years and It's just been an emotional rollercoaster. Dating has been really challenging and I have not been successful. We've been on and off dating APPS and met people a variety of different ways. But you know ultimately Have Not met someone that I've truly connected with Lindsay's the Dietitian who lives in Kansas City. Being single can be hard and lonely especially in these times and Lindsey just wanted to find someone special she could let down our walls with. Hello Hi. Lindsay is Nikki Colleen. Hi How are you? I'm so good how you doing today. I'm hanging in there. The story that you shared with US via your voice memo. I loved it so much that I've been waiting to talk to you for the last few days so I can't wait to get into this. Yeah I'm just thrilled to be a part of it. So tell us give us an idea of wet life was like for you before the pandemic. Yeah so I had really been trying to you know before. The PINTA MC L. My life with a lot of career related stuff just to stay busy because dating had not been going very well I was divorced about four years ago. And it's just been difficult to find someone since then and so Yeah I've just been working taking care of my patients spending time with friends on the weekends. Just very a typical so when you sort of shelter in place started to happen right. How did your life sort of shift and change? I was mostly focused on what that meant for my job and my patients in my career and then you know we started to get more information about what that would mean in terms of not actually having any contact physical contact with friends or family so I was very nervous about being by myself all the time but also as I mentioned dating has been really difficult and so I was feeling this a sense of relief that I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Wouldn't even be an option. Hey so what what's been difficult exactly about like the dating part for you. I think dating and particularly dating apps kind of heightens those emotions and those feelings of anxiety. Not Knowing how someone feels about. You just was always thinking. I wonder if this person that I'm seeing is also talking to other people and just that sense that I didn't have someone's undivided attention. Yeah no I understand that that makes sense to me. We can be so superficial when it comes to dating. Apps with a quick brush of the finger you can accept or reject dozens of people in the time it takes to change the channel or we get several conversations going at once and then one of them needs to know about the others. And it's exhausting. Now Lindsey felt like she could get off the hamster wheel. I just felt so relieved It was truly first time I was like I don't have to date right now and I can truly just be alone without any anxiety or fear around finding another person but life is about connection and human connection. That's where I get my purpose and I think even in moments where I thought I'm not looking right now I was always looking. I'm always looking for. I think it's just always been there as as goal and then the world ruled up the drawbridge and slammed the front door was shelter in place. Physical connection was no longer an option and there was no one to listen to Lindsey except her four walls. I was just feeling a mix of emotions and also really deep fear. I really didn't know how I would tolerate. No physical touch go. Human connection at all in any way shape or form and I remember joking with my friends. They had gone on a run. And I said I ran into a Bush on purpose just to feel something else on my skin besides my own hands but I mean that's how settled into you know I'm just GonNa make the best of it and I'm just GonNa be alone in. This is how it's going to be so we go for my run. I took a shower. I switched from my yoga pants into a different pair of yoga pants. Which I think is what we're all doing nowadays and I went outside and I had a glass of wine. It was probably about five o'clock and I was just sitting outside by myself at that little table. Lindsey lives five-storey complex that overlooks golf course dotted with trees and rolling hills. She's got a studio apartment basically a room with a view. There's not even space for a kitchen table. It's it's really quaint but I think the selling point for me was always the deck we face West so there's a sunset every night. We the storms rolling. Yeah it's just really nice. The Sun wasn't quite studying was just sitting outside by myself and then my neighbor walked out and I had seen him once before and I said hi but that was pretty much. The extent of it and our decks are connected. There's this wall a cement wall that separate are two decks. Either of US can watch the other person Nc Person Pretty clearly and he sat down and he was reading on his kindle. So tell me what he looks like. He's cute he's tall. He had a beard. He's really cute. Yeah so I walked over to the edge to that wall between our two decks and I said hi how are you doing with the quarantine and he stayed seated so I was kind of leaning over the duck into his space and he said I'm doing good. How are you doing and it just started conversation. Were you six feet apart. Yes we were sixteen here. Were to people's so busy. They only managed one brief. Hello in two years. Now with the sun setting over the hills and Missouri in the middle of a pandemic felt like they had all the time in the world. We just started talking about our our fears and we talked about our families and I was drinking a glass of wine and he said I'll go in. I'll go get a beer. And so he brought out here and we were both drinking together and talking and meanwhile the sun was setting and it was really beautiful. Wow did if feel like a first date or did it feel like neighbors talking. I think both we talked about a lot more than you would talk about. With your neighbor it was one of those once in a blue moon evenings in never want to end. I remember having to go to the bathroom so bad and I didn't WanNA leave because I didn't know if like I didn't know if he was gonna be out there when I came back. No phones no. Tv No distractions just two people connecting and listening to each other. It felt like there was from the very beginning. A romantic connection like teachers seemed interested in the things I had to say like genuinely interested. I would say something and it was like he would give me space and time to finish my thoughts and I just felt his full and undivided attention. And by then the sun had set and he had these twinkle lights hanging over his deck and he turns them on and there was no one else out is just the wind blowing. The stars were coming out. It's just really pretty magical and we're getting closer and closer and I started wondering like are we too close physically to close for the pandemic. We had both talked about how we had been on our own for many days before that and so it was feeling ethically that this was an okay choice to continue to get closer and closer to him and he leaned over out of nowhere in he kissed me Lake. He'd been wanting to for a while. It was nice. Okay so then what happens? So we're kissing for a while where smiling and he asked if he could come over and I said sure and so. He climbed over the wall between our two balconies and onto my patio. And then we can inside my apartment and it was completely dark. He kind of looked around and he realized that our beds we'd been sleeping head to head for months and had no idea so the head of your bed and the head of his bed shared the same wall. So your heads had been right next to each other every night and you even know that no he finally was like. Do you even know what my name is? And it was like honestly. I don't which I was embarrassed about but I also felt like I really knew him. You know after a whole night of talking to him about some pretty serious stuff so finally at the end of the night. I sent him back to his apartment in his store front doors locked so he had to climb back over the wall between our two decks to go home. I have to ask. I be crazy if I didn't ask. Did you. Guys have sex? We did not okay so he leaves and you go to bed and wake up the next morning. And how were you feeling? I was feeling like I want to see them again. I didn't have his phone number. I mean I knew where he lived but that was pretty much it so I went back out that night again at the same time and he was there. I felt a little bit of those nerves that I would feel on a second to eat like. I'm not sure if this person's still likes me but right when I saw him it was like seen an old friend and he came right over to the edge the balcony and asked how my day was. They had talked for hours the night before but now they didn't need any words we just started hanging out every day. And we we started using the front door between our two apartments climbing over the wall. So we've seen each other every day since this started and it's never really a question of like. Are we going to hang out? It's more just like what are we going to eat? We ordered games to play a sometimes. We'll watch team year. WanNa walk. We're doing all the normal things that couples do. I feel like I'm one of the most important people in his life right now and vice versa. And that's nice. It's a good feeling to. Could you see yourself falling in love with this person? I think so yes I feel a strong connection with him and I feel like he knows me really really well and even this weekend he was like no one's ever gotten me as quickly as you have. And maybe that's just because we've had so much time together right uninterrupted like really connected time which would never happen without this horrible pandemic that we're dealing with. Yeah I truly don't even know if I would have met him if this hadn't happened. How have you talked about the future? Like what is going to be like for you guys very little. I really don't know but one of the first times that I truly been able to be in the moment and be day to day with somewhat not so worried about what. What does this mean for Our Future? Living in the moment sounds great. But it's so hard to do before all this happened. So much of our time was spent thinking about the past or planning for the future now. The past feels like this wistful memory and the future feels well uncertain and scary but still we have a choice. At least. That's what my meditation teacher tells me. She's always reminding me be here now. It's where you find grace in this moment and now this one and now this which is exactly what Lindsay Dude. I pulled him aside about a week ago and we were on a long walk and I I sat down with him and I asked if I could tell him something serious. I think he got nervous when I said that but I just told him. Thank you I just feel an enormous amount of gratitude for him being in my life right now like a time when I thought I was going to be completely alone and he shows up out of nowhere and I'm not alone at all. I love that. Maybe it's the romantic in me but I still want to know how the story ends but there's no way to know. I'm trying not to be attached to the outcome here but we'll see one day at a time Monday to time but it's perfectly good so when I put the call out for stories. They came in from all over the country. It was pretty amazing Heineke. This is Rachel. I'm hoping to share my story with you in a nutshell. I had been seeing a guy very casually and I found out that he was also seeing somebody else and I tried to act like it in care but I. I realized that I really did care so I met with him face to face which was probably not a good idea seeing has he's a doctor and deals very closely with patients suffering from Cova nineteen but I. It was very important for me at the time to to confront him in person because I wanted to see his face. I wanted to read his body language. I wanted to see how he felt about me confronting him. We met up at a park. People that were out walking six feet away from each other so turns out the woman he was seeing is another doctor that he works very closely with the work in the same hospital exposed to the same risks. And they're lucky in some way that they get to physically together during all this hardship. Hi Nikki I decided that because all of us are stuck at home I was going to take the you know the dating APP that I was using and I changed the parameters to worldwide just because I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to connect with people who are dealing with the same things I am and maybe not even in the same place. I ended up connecting with a woman in Australia and her. I have been talking every single day. We do voice memos over instagram. We may never meet but I think what I appreciate. Most is just the genuine connection so I am currently single and I left a heart space relationship of eight years just under two weeks before the krona virus really hit. It's really caused me to sit with myself in a very different way. I mean isolated. I live alone. I'm single and I don't have anyone in my life so in terms of what it means to be single during this time of an deep deep need for connection it is really hard. It's hard to get through endless days and nights wondering if you'll ever date again our find a soulmate but what happens when you think you fallen in love and then you get dumped. Just as the world turns upside down. My boyfriend actually broke up with me. Two days before the warranty came into effect honestly it was really brutal and it was one of the hardest things that I had to face. Rebound because I wasn't allowed to go in Have any sex. Reo Is Twenty eight and a professional dancer. Last fall he moved back to his hometown of Philadelphia Pennsylvania where he signed with the Contemporary Dance Company and he also found love or so he thought it's. It's so complicated. We're actually only together for five months which is not not so long in the grand scheme of things but we went through a lot together. I wound up falling head over heels in love with him. That was really powerful. We had some issues and it seemed like we were working towards them But yeah I mean everything just happened. Really really quickly. Basically I found out that my dance company was GonNa have to shut down for the you know for the foreseeable future because of the cove in nineteen crisis. Tensions were running high and we got a really really bad fight. Need disappeared and then finally called me back and he Basically ended it by saying he never wanted to see me again On the phone losing his job and a boyfriend and the span of a week was a double blow. Now he was scared he was losing it period. I did a lot of crying. A lot of cry and the worst part was not not being able to see any of my friends and then I just like dove into mostly just manic exercising Like Yoga Twenty Mile Bike rides Online dance class is because as long as I was exhausted. I couldn't think about anything honestly like I've never felt so alone in my life. I actually have some stuffed animals and my room which I sort of obtained in my travels around the world. I'm half ashamed. Half not ashamed to admit that I like would just like sleep cuddling all of them and just hugging and crying because it was like the closest I could get to this physical contact that I so badly needed but cute stuffed animals weren't going to heal orioles broken heart so he moved on to plan B. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it but I actually wrote a song about the heartbreak. So you know we've all seen movies and TV shows like that sort of stereotypical teenage heartbreak. Where they're like locked in the rooms for hours and crying and then they write this angsty song. That's exactly what I felt. It was fun to create but Arielle Song didn't really make them feel any better so he decided to do what he's done in the past dating. Apps my dinner profiles filled with emojis. But I'm just GonNa Kinda skip over those. The tagline says who's up for some socially distance socializing within hours. Arielle had a flood of interested guys and he was kind of interested in a few of them to after a little bit of chatting. I was like going on a distance. Walk Making like stay six feet apart from each other. We walked around for maybe an hour. mostly talked about the corona virus situation and then gave each other a air hugged and went our separate ways when I wound up going on my second socially descend quote unquote date This guy was not so good at keeping his distance and I occasionally when he would close I would just be like six feet man. Six feet come on consistence so after this I realized that six feet is a very difficult distance to just eyeball So I had this idea to go to ace hardware store and buy bamboo pole. It seemed logical. It seemed like I should have this this visual aid so that I don't have to look and be like are we six feet apart like to close like I'm holding onto the pole and you're holding the other end of the poll. Not only are we. We're like at least six feet apart. Probably more than six feet. Bamboo Pole like first off. It would be lighter. Second off metal is cold raid. Like you really wanna be touching this like cold heavy object. Bamboo Wood is much more humid. Also this thing that we want and need most of all in this time is physical contact and we can't get that so you know all these things that we're doing like instagram. Live streams soon sessions. It's all finding ways of like imagining feeling connected to these people that you you can't that you're physically separated from and so if if you and I are six feet apart. But we're both holding onto this bamboo pole then in some way. Were physically connected. Yeah Yeah so. How did you introduce the the poll here date? I literally just started telling everyone that I would talk to that. I had this poll I feel like in its own weird way it was sort of litmus test if someone is GonNa look at me and be like. Oh that's really weird. I don't WanNa do that then honestly I don't WanNa meet with you. It's kind of like a good. It's a good red flag like if he doesn't get the poll he's not GonNa get you right if he doesn't get the poll he doesn't get me. I love that I had all these ideas that I was like. Yeah we could like dance around with it and like you know like swing it back and forth and what if we're walking on the sidewalk and there are people between us. What are we gonNA do like people are going to hop? Oh various people are gonna like or we're going to have to raise other people are gonNA limbo under it like it creates this this new element. There's so many ways in which you can play with it. I'm picturing seen in the rain. Which is pretty much the most joyful movie ever only instead of Gene Kelly dancing with the lamppost. Arielle is using a pole to connect with someone else so with a mask on his face and a pole in his hand. Arielle ventured out on the cold streets to a small park near his apartment to meet his date. What was the what was the exchange like when he sees you walking towards him with a six foot pole? I mean he's just sort of kind of looked at me and laughed bone. We were like exchanged awkward hallows and then I sort of like Charlie extended the the the steak and then we started walking. I wish Nikki. I wish I could tell you that. It was really hilarious. Day where like everyone like walked by us and just pointed smiled at us but like it was so tame we just walked with this whole between us and then we like when our separate ways and wiped his end of the poll with with cleaning white. Arielle didn't go on a second date with number two but the poll now meant something else possibility. I feel like if I had someone a little more playful could have had so much fun with it. I love it. You're being honest like this is just really what it is right. This is dating a whole different time. And we don't know what it's GonNa be until you go out and try it and we have to sort of find a new normal every few weeks. So where are you now with dating so right now everyone is afraid to leave their homes and six? The sixers poll is just sort of sitting in my entrance. Sadly looking at me waiting to be used and I think as the situation as curve starts a flat and people would be a little bit more willing to go outside and this is what. I'm GonNa you know this is one of the six poll is GonNa make a reemergence in full force are yell. I really want to hear your song. We send it to us. Yeah I'll I'll send you the song I I have. I have a rickety piano that is like maybe slightly out of tune but yeah I'll I will I will send you the song Yeah I mean thank you for talking with me and hearing my story and I've really appreciate that I was really nervous in the beginning This is the section been really. Here's why I love this story. Arielle found joy in something so small a way to connect when he had pretty much hit rock bottom something about that like the Human Spirit. It gets me you know. Oh and he did send me his song just like he promised with a caveat I'm just warning off the bat but this pedal is really squeaky. I'm super nervous to play it for you. I hope you get. Oh it's called. Let me sleep. I can't read on our next episode of living connection in two weeks. I'll be talking to you about marriage and partnership in the time of self quarantine. I think anybody. Who's saying like? Oh this quarantine is fine and I have not once been annoyed by the person. Who's in my house? All the time is a fucking liar or finding new ways to stay connected at blessed saying this but the sex is incredible. My body hair standing straight up sick to my stomach a week and my knees. I forget my name kind of sex so from wonder this episode one of Living Connection Stories about love dating and human connection during these crazy times. If you'd like to help us spread the word. Please give us a five star review and tell. Your friends subscribe. Were available on Apple podcasts. Spotify cast box and every major listening APP as well as one dot com. And if you have a story you'd like to share about how you're creating new families or finding new communities please record voice memo along with your contact Info and send it to connection at one dot com if you're listening on a smartphone tap or swipe over the cover art of this podcast you'll find the episode notes and offers from our sponsors when you support our sponsors. You help us bring you our shows for free. This podcast was hosted by me. Nikki Boyer this episode was written by Loredana Palivoda and produced by Jean Cornell. Sound Design by James Morgan Audio Assistance by Sergio in regards executive producers myself. Stephanie Jen's Marshal Louis and her non Lopez for wondering.

Scott Arielle Song Nikki Boyer Molly M. O. L. L. Nikki Lindsey Lindsay Dude US Madison Dash Reed Dot Com Madison Dash Reed Dot engineer partner Madison Reed Spotify Nike Apple Reed Britney Spears
Too Eager? How To Keep Your Cool In An Interview

Safe For Work

40:52 min | 2 years ago

Too Eager? How To Keep Your Cool In An Interview

"All right. So here's a tough question. What is your least favorite part of job interviewing there's so many options? I gotta say it's the part rice spill coffee down the front of my blouse, which I inevitably do really don't seem like the type of get easily rattled Email. It's not nerves. I'm just more distracted. I think I'm so focused on the conversation and making I contact aggressive eye contact with the person I'm talking to. So I just don't fully bring the Cup to my lips in the boom, it just it just happens. How do you even handle that in a job interview? Well, I've learned to wear dark colors over one. Okay. And to scarves, scarves, can be dramatically. Rearranged cover the evidence, scarves work. Really? Well, told myself it makes me look creative do creative today. Here we go. With today's show everybody, I'm Rico Gagliano over there swaddled in pashmina that I'm sure is masking a major hot beverage incident is Liz Dolan and from wondering this is. Safer work today on the show advice about job interviews how to prepare what to do. And most of all what not to do. Then we'll hear from a caller who is worried a new employer won't be understanding when it comes to accommodating, a very important standing appointment and in our work. Pop segment. We're getting into the twenty ten hilarious comedy the other guys starring will fail and Mark Wahlberg for a discussion on the perils of open office faces. He Larry's all that and more here on Saferworld. Okay, people. This is part. Pro tip part confession last year. I decided that I was no longer going to spend the insane amount of money. It costs to have my hair colored in a salon. And I started using Madison Reed undock kidding. I love this stuff. This is gorgeous professional hair-color delivered to your door for less than twenty five dollars. I I really liked the result. It's gorgeous, shiny multidimensional. Healthy looking hair. It covers my gray. Yes. I had some it's game changing color. I do at home, and it's actually kind of fun. So what makes medicine we'd color unique inside it's crafted by master colorist who blend nuances of light dark cool and warm to create over forty five gorgeous, multi, tonal shades. So you can find your perfect shade at Madison dash Reed dot com. So safer work listeners. Get ten percent off plus free shipping on their first color kit with code safe. Safe. That's code safe at Madison dash Reed dot com. So here's one of the biggest catch twenty two for job seekers. You're desperate for a certain job either. Because you don't have a job or your withering away to nothing in your current one. But you can't seem like you're desperate for the job. Because no one wants to hire someone who seems desperate. It seems so obvious when you put it that way. It's ridiculous. You know here with some strategies to prepare for that how to pull that off along with other job interview pitfalls is kit. Wurzel she's a writer and consultant on work at vice for publications like fast company and girl. Boss kid. It's great to have you here. It's great to be here. So let's start with that catch twenty two. How does that desperation show in the job interview? Like, what does it look like it has a lot to do with the speed at which your speaking, which I think is a really funny place to start. But I do think that the tendency in job interviews is to get nervous and be uncomfortable. And I think for a lot of us that means speaking very quickly and running through the spiel that you Blake already prepared for so one of the top piece of advice, they give to everyone universities to slow down. I'm thinking about in my head is well on a podcast. Probably going faster than I would recommend the other thing is just to be overly enthusiastic and quick about your responses. So this is sort of an extension of slowing down in general. But one thing that I've seen as I've interviewed people and one thing that I often recommend against is. This tendency to jump on the answer to the question before the question is even finished, right? I've seen myself do that even some of the interviews that we did. Nervous or excited about something? Like getting into the middle of it more, not really listening. Right. And the result is something that I myself have done interviews where you start talking, and I think you end up in this loop, and all of a sudden, you can't remember if you fully answered the question the lube, the dreaded loop that we get into out of its right? Because the last thing you wanna do is they I'm so sorry. What was your question? Well, that's not ideal. I actually think that's preferred to honestly trying to finish your thought without referring back to the question. And I actually don't believe there's anything wrong with taking a pause and saying like that's a really interesting question to give yourself a little time to get your thoughts in order because ultimately you're gonna give a better answer, by the way. It was even something that I noticed in myself in euless whenever we're doing an interview, and we are that excited is that your eyebrows tend to raise up, and I just recently read somewhere that that is something that is off putting to people like. If your browser too big. It's almost like your face becomes clownish through something. Wait a minute. Now, you're telling me in a job interview. I have to think about what my eyebrows are doing which was freaked out now. Right. That was going to be my next question you become so, hyper aware of all these things in my speaking at the right pace was the Heller. My eyebrows doing how do we sort of at least get enough self confidence that we're not just thinking about every little biological tick. We have well, there's a few things I think that it helps to practice a lot. And I don't mean that in non-organic way. I mean, sure you can sit with a friend, and you can talk through some interview questions, and that's the advice that I think a lot of career advice blogs give I think ultimately, you just need to get more comfortable with telling people what you do. And I mean that through the lens of what you wanna be doing. Right. So even if you are a personal assistant right now, if you want to get into writing, and I'll just use that advice since I myself writer, you need to start getting comfortable in advance with the idea of describing. Yourself as a writer, and this is something that honestly, I've heard from a lot of people in my field. But even as you've started to write freelance or do these projects, you still introduce yourself as a personal assistant when you meet people in the ask you what you do you start using those opportunities as a practice round when you know, you're going to be job searching and obviously job searches last awhile. So there is a period of time where let's say you dislike your job. And you know, you wanna start looking you have a few months, they're potentially where you could start practicing consciously before going into job interviews, you could also go in a lot of Tinder dates so for anyone who single that's a great way to practice. I. Hey, whatever you want thought of that is like a professional piece of advice often think about it just having been single done those kinds of dates it's fascinating. Because you really do sit down in your in interview with. And I guess the other thing that's interesting about that that ties into this a little bit as well as you have to remember that you are also interviewing the person and the company that you're potentially interested in, and that's another sort of career advice cliche. But I think it comes from something especially for out of work and job searching. We just think that we need a job right now and thinking long term about the kind of job that you want to wind up in is maybe not as much of an option, but you should still come into the interview ready to listen to what's being said and have some questions and make it more conversational. And that also I think naturally calms you down a little bit. If it becomes more about having a conversation than just having to answer all the questions perfectly correctly. So that if someone asks the question, it doesn't make sense to you don't feel uncomfortable saying, can you clarify that? Or can you give me an example of how your company is doing that before you start answering part of your advice to be able to do that is to really research the company. You are going to be interviewing with and what is you don't have time. I've been in situations where I've sent in a resume thinking, oh, that's never going to happen. And then you get a call. Can you come in tomorrow, we need somebody right away? And you don't have time to sit down and talk to other people who've worked for that company or do a deep dive into what they need. Well, I would say you shouldn't submit a cover letter for a job in a resume unless you've done a little research. And this is not an extreme amount. I mean, I'm not talking about going into a deep dive into press releases on some sub page on the company's website, one of the things that used to drive me nuts when I was interviewing at my previous roles and one thing that I've heard from a ton of recruiters is this problem with the idea of just needing job. So you apply for forty eight jobs in one week. And I think that's actually made it. So that more and more resumes get passed over, and I don't know if you've had the experience with us, but I used to get dozens and dozens of cover letters and resumes, and they refer aditorial system positions. Marketing assistant positions, and I would look at them. And I would immediately typo in the first sentence for you know, there was just something problematic. I've seen cover letters someone forgot to replace the previous company that they had applied to and send it over. And it's immediate disqualification. But the funny thing is I got dozens of resumes and probably only three or four that were carefully tailored to the company. And those were the people that I called I think you don't have to totally start from square one with a cover letter, you can have sort of a template in place that you write carefully. But I do think you need to go back through and customize it the idea of having done that much research, at least means that if you get a call to come in, you know, a little bit more about the company, and you are going to get questions about, you know, how can we improve our social media marketing, or what do you think of this product, and you should be fairly aware? Even if you have only twelve hours to research on it though to be like. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not I don't know about that product. I think that that's actually great. If a company asks you about a product, and you don't have the answer, then ask the question, first and foremost, rather than giving feedback that you're kind of winning it on the one upset of doing a little research as you should be able to sort of loop back to something you are aware. I'm aware of the dirty John podcast, but I just discovered safe for work, and I'm really excited to see that we're doing career advice. Now, you know what? I mean, it's it's something like that. So it's a little bit of like the art of the spin in. That regard politics twist it to the thing that you can talk about real quickly. Biggest dumpers interviews. What are the questions people? Find the hardest Hanser and how do we answer them? So I think the number one difficult sort of theme questions are the ones around failures misstep because they're meant to be trick questions. We should acknowledge that some of the toughest questions. I think that I've written about in the past are the ones that are actually very insightful interviewers, and there's not really a wrong right answer. So that's something that we can clear up. Right now because I think that makes people feel better. But things like what was a project that you just couldn't finish on time. And why or what was the biggest mistake? He would say you've ever made unroll those are some of the very obvious ones. But then you get deeper into the questions like, you know, when was the time that you actually failed to meet your budget. And what would you have said when you went into a meeting with the director to explain why you needed more money or something like that? And they're all meant to sort of show. How you problem solve and how you come back from an error mistake. But they're also meant to show that you're not convinced that you've never made mistakes. So the way that they're sort of meant to be answered I think in the best way to do it is to acknowledge mistake right away. And then spend the rest of the time talking about the solutions or the learning experiences that you've had since and one thing that I think is really great with those questions as you can tie it back into a success by explaining a mistake made explaining the learning moments and then explaining how another project you worked on turned out better. I think another trick questions when people just flat out ask you. So what do you think of our company, or what do you think of our product, or what would you do differently in the our marketing strategy our sales strategy because they want you to have an opinion. But then again, you don't there's no way, you know, enough about the company of a thoughtful opinion. You could also insult the person you're talking to unknowingly any illumination on how we handle those kinds of trick questions. The best thing to do in those situations to put yourself in the role of pitching to a client. So you would never say to someone that you were trying to independently get a project with that. You know, you hated everything they were doing you also wouldn't say you loved everything that you're doing they were doing. So the answer. I think lies in this idea of coming to the table. And again, this goes back to knowing at least enough about the company that you can talk about specific elements that are interesting. So one of the best interviews that I ever had with marketing director was a woman who came in. And she was aware of our audience. Enough to tell me what she thought the different voices were on our social channels as well as their blog. So she was had done enough research that she could say, you know, you're Instagram account is snark year and more fun. Your blog is more about people going through some serious problems and being empathetic. And I think one of the interesting things to do is to kind of continue flushing out these separate personalities of the different blogs separate voices. And that was great to me because it was something that I hadn't even thought of before going in. And I think talking about ideas that you have as almost like throwing spaghetti at the wall or something. So just being very clear that based on a research that you've done, but also on your past experiences and things that have worked and other projects that you've worked on that. These are some ideas of things you would love to try. I think that helps a lot to make it more about just throwing a bunch of ideas out there telling people how they should be doing things better often. I think we go a little too far in the other direction because we want to stand out and beat unique. Right. So we have a bunch of ideas of how to. Prove, but we don't really talk about what's working and a couple of ways to work around that is one to kind of acknowledge things that you think are going really well based on the research you've done another is to actually explicitly say, I would probably spend the first thirty days or three months of being hired learning from stakeholders and from people that I'm working with what they feel has been working, and what isn't working before making some serious decisions. But here a couple of ideas based on what I've seen, and then depending on the sort of question, the other element is that you could return with the question and say like I'd love to answer this. But can you give me an idea of a couple of areas that you know, you wanna work on in the next six months, and that is like I would say the best way to deal with a real stumper moment, you know, because you can at least use some past experiences to give them some answers. Once they do that for you. You're hired you really good. Thanks so much for your. Recall, I have gotten back into meditation in the last couple of weeks, I been out of her while, and then you know, you drift away. But it is really useful seem very sharp. Thank you. Thank you. It's great that there's an app that you can use. You don't necessarily have to go somewhere, and it is really not complicated. It's called head space. Yes. Head space is your guide to health and happiness. In fact, his ten days of head space has been proven to reduce stress and increase happiness. And it'll teach the life-changing skills of meditation and mindfulness and just a few minutes a day. I was looking for a little bit more focus, and you know, I'm getting there fuller weeks. I'm only two weeks but four weeks of head space is proven to improve focus by fourteen percent. So maybe I'm at seven percent. I would actually say I I was gonna say you were exactly fourteen percent. More say very focused to notice that about I am about ninety percent. More focus head space hundreds of meditation. Sessions on everything from stress to sleep there SOS exercises for meltdown moments. Yes, we all know what that means and many meditations for busy days as in all days. Start your journey towards a healthier happy. Life by subscribing to head space. Sign up now at hit space dot com slash safe to get a free month trial before you use the app to sign up online at head space dot com slash save for a free month trial and start meditating today Rico. I've confessed before that. I'm a junkie for listening to audio books on audible. Oh, yes. Right. You know that about me, and you don't be pretty well. So like, I have my credit this month. Can't quite decide. What I should use it on. What would you recommend for you? Yeah. I would recommend a book called brunches hell how to save the world by throwing a dinner party written by Rico, go yonder. And again, Brendan Francis. Newnham? Really? Yeah. So your your buck. What? Yes, I am. But listen, I can't believe it's taking on. Recommend your book to mate too. Frankly. I do think it's useful for somebody who hosts a show about workplace culture because among other things we give you tips on conversation starters at dinner parties, you can easily use those at the workplace or perhaps with one's boss, and we also have drink recipes for chilling after work that all sounds good. And and your professional, you know, they're also beautifully professionally narrated. That's right. You're sounds really good. We're way better than almost everybody else gonna give that a cow and audible members now get more than ever before members. Choose three titles every month one audiobook, plus to audible originals the can't hear anywhere else. Audible delivers bestsellers business self-improvement memoirs and more even books anti brench, tirades, whatever they come like actually narrated by actors authors motivational superstars like Rachel Hollis and week out. That's right. Start listening with a thirty day audible trial. And your first audiobook plus to audible originals for free. Visit audible dot com slash safe or text s A f e two five hundred five hundred that's audible dot com slash safe. Okay. Folks, we'll talk with a listener and dive into one of my favorite segments work pop in just a second here. But I you all know by now that we love talking to you dear listeners, do you want to call in and chat with us Rico? It's so easy. All you have to send us an Email. You can reach us at safe at wondering dot com again, our emails safe at wondering dot com. Please email. All right now. Let's take a listener call. We have met on the line here. Hi, matt. Hi, guys. Thanks for having me. Thank you for being with us. And you have a career transition in the making, which is a great thing. But you've got some worries about it. Why don't you tell? Yeah. It's more. So on one issue that will have to bring up during probably the interview process, I'm guessing. Okay. So I've been going to therapy for the last seven months or so with my therapist stuggle, I pretty much have to miss some portion of the work day. I mean that have an appointment. So it's not anything that. I'm embarrassed about good. Still of my private life. But like the, you know, keep private if possible some just kind of wondering what you would recommend as far as when or how to bring up this judge ruling issue as you're as you're going into this new interviews. Correct. By the way, it's job interviews. Right. You're going into not you. You haven't already accepted a job. That's right. That's right. First of all, I think we goes without saying, it's really great that you're prioritizing therapy, incredibly important for you. I do think that you're getting ahead of yourself here. There is really a nothing's -iety and hassle that you put into making a career transition without worrying about this detail at the moment out say I land the job, or at least learn what the schedule might be at the potential job before you worry about fitting your schedule around. And and also, and I mean this sincerely even though I know it sounds like a joke. Have you talked to your therapist about this? I have not because that's really what you pay them for us to help you deal with anxiety is like this and for the. Record. I have found that they will generally do their best to accommodate you, schedule wise, and this may honestly be aware that you can alleviate in like one short conversation, or they can at least tell talk you through your anxiety about it. Yes. Definitely. Okay. So I've been I agree with Rico that it's important not to get ahead of yourself. Because in your letter the way you described your scheduling it sounded like what you're really asking is to leave fifteen minutes early once a month or so, right? Is that generally the way it's working for you now? Well, that's that's how it is my current job. Yeah. With schedule as and where my workers relation to the office have to to. So it's that sort of a time then. Yeah. Can't imagine there'd be any any pushback. Yeah. But you know, given the job location up in the air right now. And you know, the schedule is, you know, can't predict that right now there's kinda wanna get get ahead of it a little bit. If I could on how to be prepared or handle if it come up, and are you? You in a job or you're a shift worker who needs to be covered. If you're not there during official hours, or is it a little bit more flexible than that it's a little bit of both 'cause it's retail management. So I'm before manager, but it's a smaller family owned business. So they're very accommodating for any other life, come up. Well, here's the good news. Is that for the most part this when you're negotiating things with a new job, very often? You can say on Fridays. I really need to be out the door at five forty five. A standing appointment that I really have to be out is that going to be a problem. And I think especially if they want you, and your, you know, in that portion of the conversation where you're talking those kind of details, I can't imagine a lot of retail firms that are going to say absolutely not unless it's a very special kind of situation at which point you might be able to work something out, scheduling wise with your kind of feel like this is not an issue. Do you need to raise it all during your job? Search this doesn't need to come up in an interview. And I I'm with Rico. I don't think you need to even share what the appointment is. And it will be revealing about what the culture of the new company is how how they accommodate that point. What I'm feeling is that it's super important to you for all the right reasons. So good for you, Matt. But it it won't be that big a deal to most employers, but I would feel that out once you're offered the job. Yes. Oh, yeah. Ended thinking about bringing up right away. It was kind of the fizzes in new a new aspect to. Yeah. Know my life, and and career and all that. I'm of just the exact timing of one one to maybe mentioned it. Yeah. To what is your biggest concern? You know, there is still that kind of stigma against therapy. Whether you know on fairly so that I didn't wanna think I was giving them a reason to doubt my ability to do to do a new job. I say, yeah. And then also if I don't tell them why I need to leave. If they might think I'm trying to keep something from them. I'm guessing that most places is not gonna be that big a deal. There's so much anxiety about getting a new job. Anyway, isn't there? I think it's just it's just a little bit job searches stressful. Then starting a new job is crazy stressful. It's that first day of school feeling. So like, your anxiety is totally understandable. I think this is going to be fine. I think most companies are much more accommodating than you think. And you don't have to reveal too much. Very reassured to hear that opinion. There will work it out. I have full confidence in you. But good luck moving forward. Getting a great new job. Thank you very much. Okay. Later. Bye. Bye. And now for one of our favorite parts of the show in which we look at a piece of work Centric, onscreen pop culture and see what if anything it says about our actual real work lives. This is work pop. Yes. And today we flash back to twenty ten and two pretty hilarious comedy the other guys starring welfare, Mark Wahlberg in this clip. You've got dust bound NYPD. Detectives gamble played by Wilf aero and Mark Wahlberg who plays Hoyts have a nice little conversation about sharing office space. Stop humming that song home. If I want to can a masking you to stop. Well, if you're asking, then I'll stop thank you. Could you not smiling that now you're asking me to mask my emotions because of how it makes you feel that I will not do. Seriously. Stop humming. Okay. This isn't accounting or the hell you in your little pocket calculator were transferred from forensic accounting. Okay. And it's an important part of the whatever stoppings overly happy about doing shit working more on AIG, reminder, the police union picnics coming up this weekend. My wife's making her famous deviled eggs again. My waistlines furious. It's a bad time. Bob. Yeah. So Liz, I know how you feel about sharing office space. Here's a perfect example of why have you have you ever worked with someone like lead to your patriot? I had never even heard of this movie. So thank you for digging this up. I also love the fact you can't see this in the audio but Walberg is playing solitaire on his. This. So that's one of the things about shared workspace. You notice who's working and who's not working, which is why you get super exasperated. That is true. By the way, a little hint for everybody out there who works in a cubicle. I mean, I'm probably not the genius that I came up with this or anything, but just angle your computers such a way that you're the only one that can see it. I also very cleverly asked for cubicle that was up against a wall. So that there was no way that people there's only one direction that people could see my screen, and I didn't put my screen in that direction. So there were done for work vice given so I have never actually worked with an individual like this. But in my the last office space, I was in. It was a bad combination of departments next to each other which leads to the same kind of thing. So we were the marketing department, and we were crammed into the finance department. So that's in well in water scenario. I wouldn't know they kept asking us to stop laughing week out. I mean like. We just made a lot of noise. They were all individuals looking at their screens all day spreadsheets spreadsheet prince getting away. We were looking at commercials we were shooting, and we were talking about things, and we were laughing, and so we just got constantly shushed. Yes, did not appreciate that. I mean, I've been on the other side of that equation. I've been the, you know, public radio equivalent of the finance people like I'm under headphones, and I've got to be like creating my content all day and next, particularly if you're working late and the time comes where you know, regular people get off work. And so the other department next the regular people next door to our department suddenly at four thirty PM, they're like, hey, it's almost quitting time. Like a big party happening over there. And you're like I'm going to be here for five more freaking hours shut up right now. And especially when they're walking out the door, and they're going, you know, you guys get outta here. You know, you work too hard. And it's like that's because I have a job to do. If it was easy to walk out the door would do it. Well, that's like the clueless employees in this one. Yes, I left the it's about time. Bob is they're all in this scenario. There's always a clueless employee who's trying to like just everything's great and deviled eggs and PLA and I think that's what makes some office. Socializing so awkward because people have built up these seething resentments that each other. And then when the guy comes by to chitchat about deviled eggs, you're just not having it. Yes, I think especially what we can learn from this clip is a high stress job like policing. Maybe you should have like offices in cubicles. You don't wanna be adding to that stress with an open for plan. People. No one ever said hiring was easy, but it used to be so much harder. Back in the day. We had to walk ten miles to school in the snow was harder back that. Yes. The hiring version of that was you had to go to multiple job sites. You had. Stacks of resumes is a confusing review process. But today hiring can be easy. And you only have to go to one place to get it done. Ziprecruiter dot com slash SAF. E that's right. We ZipRecruiter sense your job to over one hundred of the web's leading job boards, but they don't stop there. That's the key with their powerful matching technology. Ziprecruiter scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and fights them to apply to your job. And right now, our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address ZipRecruiter dot com slash safe. That ZipRecruiter dot com slash S. A F E ZipRecruiter dot com slash safe. Ziprecruiter, the smartest. Higher. All right. It's fun to take a call from one of our listeners. Yes, we have indigo on the line. Hello, indigo guys. Thanks for having me on. Well, thanks for calling in indigo. You get a special prize for best codename of the appreciate that. And another special prize for acknowledging that not having enough work to do at work is awful. That's part of the reason our show even exists. So tell us what your issue is. So I started what I thought was a great job about three years ago. And while the position itself sounds great in the company is great. I don't have any real work to do. So I can go day weeks even a few months without having new assignment. Wow. Really like nothing nothing like literally nothing really thing zero. Feng now, I know a lot of people out there going like awesome. That sounds great. But it isn't necessarily right. No a lot of people including my husband thinks that is the best position ever in that. I should just sit there. And collect my check and be quiet. Yeah. I can understand. Can I ask without blowing your cover indigo? What kind of business is this where they have people sitting around doing nothing. Yeah. Gotta get in on this pharmaceutical research. Okay. That's alarming. There's plenty of research that needs some doing into go. I could give you an assigned. Yes. God's sake cancer. Let's start there. Yeah. But you knew what I not quite as bad as yours. But I was in the job once that was a startup that was just not starting up. I can feel a little bit of your pain. I finally went to the chairman, and I told him I was going crazy. I felt like I was like a racehorse they put in the starting gate, and then they refused. Open the gate, and I literally said to this guy is you know, what happens in this situation. The horse's legs. Break. Oh my God. He's attitude was like your husband's into go. He said, why don't you just enjoy it while it lasts sooner or later, we are going to start up, and then they'll be more than enough work to do. So is that possible is it possible that the work's going to pick up? Eventually, I don't foresee that in the future what I have been told as recently as last week is that because it's a group of us three of us total that we were hired for a specific assignment. And that we need to wait for the assignments to come down the pipe. Okay. So when we get an assignment we've been waiting patiently to work. So we are doing our work and then it stops. And then we have basically the next assignment. And we were told that we are not allowed to do anything except what we were hired to do. Amazing K. All right. I must say that. I'm still of the mind that this is wonderful. But. But, but I can also imagine because you know, I've had many jobs especially early on in my career. Whereas you're just watching the clock and waiting for the clock to wind down. So you can get the hell out of there. And do remember when I first got like my first radio gig. It was the first gig where I realized I never watched the clock. And in fact, if I looked at the clock, I was hoping that it was earlier than it was because I had so much that I need to get done. And that's when I realized it was in the right place. So I get it having meaningful work to do is a really important part of our identities. It keeps life interesting get out into it feels to me like really their only two alternatives. Here. One is to talk to your company and ask for something more meaningful to do it. Feels like you've had that conversation. They're like, no this is the gig. It we have definitely had that conversation on numerous occasions, and all joking aside, I became severely depressed because of this position and I had to seek help for. I was I see no hope like I was done. I was going to like see a psychologist. I was in bulk types of groups trying to like get my mind stimulated, I realized that six months in that I was not going to get any work. And I started applying for jobs, and I was not getting anywhere. So that was going to be my second question to you. So you have been looking for a job for a while now. So we need to figure out like how to land you a job. Dada. So why do you think you're having so much trouble? Getting a job. Is there something about your strategy that you need to change at this point initially? It was because I had only been in this job for six months. One of the main questions, I was asked on all of my interviews was why leaving you've only been there nine months you've been there a year. You've only been there a year and a half. So once the two year Mark has I started actively going back out to look, but I have to say that because I was depressed. I could. Tell the difference in myself now and where I was last year. It was all my face. Do with ball in my aura. I was walking just wreck. And so I was not giving off positive vibes. I can totally see how that would be. So you would be like low energy and kind of lackluster in your interviews. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Even tried to put on face. It wasn't working. I wasn't even convincing myself. Because when I look at myself in the mirror. I didn't even see that spark in my I I used to have it was gone done. Did I'm really sorry. And but it sounds like you're saying that things have changed now. Oh, yes. Completely. Nothing has changed with the position. Nothing has changed with the work. Just my outlook on things has changed by the and it's mainly because you realize that you weren't going through this alone. Is that basically what happened? It wasn't until I accidentally ran into a co worker that I just started like spilling my guts tar, and she kinda like look wide eyed at me and. She said I'm going through the same thing. And it was because of my contact with her which helped me to get out of that funk. I was in I guess for those listening that is really good idea of why you should be reaching out to people when you're kind of position feels to me like going back out there with your current attitude. Maybe is going to land you and better position. And by the way, we have another this may sound like we're joking. But I actually don't think I am. In the meantime, because I don't think that we would recommend anybody leave their job before they have another job lined up. But while you're looking you've got this gig where they literally won't give you work for long periods of time. Do you think it's possible to maybe Telecommute we have to commute because the other thing that I left out as we work in a shared space in his first come first serve. Oh. So that so you can work from home. All this is where Rico had a good suggestion. Yes. If you are actually allowed to work at home. Is there some other job that you are really into? Rusted into kind of serious about for a side hustle. That's part of my healing is that I started to take classes online, and it's actually started to do day trading really been making money off of it. Yeah. Yeah. That's not for everybody. It's a risky business. But if you can make income at that or anything else seriously, if there's any kind of side hustle as saying that you've got you. This is not even a moral thing to do to be working on other work on the company. Our because you ask them to give you stuff to do when they won't. So what else he is supposed to do you might as well be doing something with your time if you'd like day trading good for you into go. But you might also want to use this as a time to set up something more permanent, unless unless you think that is your no I have been going out on interviews, even if I don't follow through with this long term. It was just enough energy that I needed to just bring me out of that great. And seeing all of a sudden, this is the best job ever because it allows you to make dual incomes while only actually one John. I don't even have to use the computer for at all. I like the fact that you're being very conscientious about that good for you. Yes. Because when I like how to that wasn't a real job indigo. I was mainly watching YouTube videos of wacky commercials from around the world. What that way, but then three years? So I mean about the second year, Mark. I was like I mean, I've watched all of the video I could possibly watch without literally going crazy. That's amazing. I just want to say to leaders of big companies out there who might be listening look at what is happening inside your company's for God's sakes. Just give people some them work to do people really do want to do. Good work. They show up every day. They wanna do something. That's interesting. Well, I say, you know, keep this gravy train going while as long as you. Break that money and do your side-hustle do a couple you might have time to do to have three. And meanwhile, we hope you find some something elsewhere with us your energy level is very high. So that's good. You'll go find something that makes you happy are good luck with that. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. Okay. Five as well. In case you missed anything during today's show. Just tap. The cover are to check out the notes for this episode. You'll also find our Email address, which is safe at wondering dot com. And if you want to support the show, and you know, you do you'll find some great offers from our sponsors as well. Another way you can support the shows by filling out a small survey at one three dot com slash survey. It'll help us make the show better for listeners. Just like you. Excellent idea. This episode was hosted by me, Liz Dolan bossy. Meredith and satellite sister and Rico Galliano journalists and anti brunch author. It's true. That's me. Our original theme song is composed by Martin plunk. Au audio engineering by Michel stem produced by Audrey now, executive produced by Alison, oh, Neil Marshall, Louis created and executive produced by Hernan Lopez for wondering remember workplaces can feel crazy, but you don't have to.

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October 5, 2019: Nuclear talks set to resume for the U.S. and North Korea

5 Things

05:34 min | 1 year ago

October 5, 2019: Nuclear talks set to resume for the U.S. and North Korea

"This episode of five things sponsored by Madison Reed put the time and expense of a salon behind you with Madison Reed. It's salon quality hair color delivered right to your door. Five things listeners get ten percent off plus free shipping on your first color kit with code. Five things at Madison Dash Reed Dot com good morning. I'm Taylor Wilson in this is five things you need to know the weekend of October Fifth Twenty nineteen before we get going a reminder that you can tweet us at USA Today podcast and he might get a shoutout on the show get you started the US North Korea or set to resume nuclear talks this weekend again. Despite a number of recent North Korean missile tests the State Department earlier this week in firm the talks and North Korea's first vice-foreign minister chose on. We said that negotiations ends would begin on Saturday in recent months. The country has carried out a half dozen short-range missile tests including the test-firing a new submarine launched ballistic missile on Wednesday Wednesday. President trump has downplayed the importance of those weapons tests while some have said North Korea was violating United Nations Security Council resolutions a severe heatwave heatwave across the south is nearing its end but it's damage has been done. The heat wave is forced a number of record high temperatures across the region including a high of ninety seven seven degrees in Atlanta on Friday relief is finally on its way this weekend where the Carolinas and parts of Georgia we'll see highs in the seventies and eighties but other parts of the deep South may have to wait a week to see the same relief and along with the severe heat. The South has felt a lack of significant rainfall over the past few weeks triggering what climate experts are calling a a flash drought. The dry weather is affecting forty five million people in fourteen states where it is cracking farm soil putting stress on a variety of crops and raising the risk of wildfires next protesters in Hong Kong. This weekend will face another barrier master. The Special Administrative Region's leader Carrie Lam instituted a ban on protesters wearing masks the rule went into effect earlier on Saturday but so far appears to have caused more problems than it solves all subway and train services services were suspended and shops were closed as protesters continue to march on Saturday following an intense night on Friday. Liam cold Saturday very dark day and described Hongkong semi-paralyzed. She also insisted that the mask law and other rarely deployed emergency Z. Powers were not mandates from the Chinese government. She added that the mask law specifically is aimed at curbing violence. We believe that the new law will create a deterrent in fact against massed violent protesters and rioters and we're assist the police in his law enforcement but pro democracy residents in Hong on Kong continued to say that China is slowly encroaching on their rights a government proposal to change extradition laws to allow suspects in Hong Kong to be sent to mainland China interface trial sparked months of massive protests earlier this year well shopping at target music to get more awarding on Sunday. The retail giants loyalty program ran target circle expands nationwide and will offer perks to all shoppers with the free program shoppers will get personalized offers like birthday discounts and can support local. Oh nonprofits those already with target red card credit or debit card will continue to say five percent on purchases and non red card. Loyalty members earn one percent on every target around that they can then redeem later plus good news. If you already have a red card cartwheel or target DOT COM card you'll be automatically enrolled in target circle and last. It's an action packed Saturday of college football highlighted by a massive. SEC clash it'll be sec west meets when seventh-ranked Auburn takes on tenth ranked Florida in Gainesville. The conference is stacked with talent with five of the top ten teams in the country in the league but only two teams can play in the conference championship game game on December seventh in Atlanta and we'll get a clear picture after this weekend elsewhere number three Georgia Tennessee and outside of the conference. There's a big clash in Ann Arbor Auber as fourteen th ranked Iowa battles nineteen th ranked stay up on all the latest with USA Today sports and you can catch the new episodes of five things as Monday through Saturday on Apple podcasts and wherever else you get your pods including the Google home and Amazon Echo you can also subscribe for free and if you'd like leave us a rating and review by things as part of the USA Today podcast network. Take coloring your hair at home to the next level with Madison Reed. You deserve gorgeous or just professional hair colored delivered to your door for less than twenty five dollars for decades. We've had two options for coloring our hair outdated at home color or the time and expensive salon tons of Madison Reed clients comment how their new hair color has improved their lives for the better. Everyone loves the results Gorgeous Shiny Multidimensional. Oh healthy looking hair. This is great covering game changing color. 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162 | Murder At The Rectory

Best Case Worst Case

29:16 min | 1 year ago

162 | Murder At The Rectory

"We thought it was probably a robbery. But then this level of violence just wasn't something that you would ordinarily ordinarily expect to see being at scene and actually seeing how it lays out just tells you a million times more than looking at pictures or video. What was adduced and the autopsy? Obviously that's a source of a great deal evidence in sometimes the difference between convicting someone and not. Are you concerned about what's in your hair color that it might. I be damaging your hair Madison Reed at home. Hair color is made with ingredients. You can feel good about. What's amazing is their hair color? Doesn't smell at all and I'm not even kidding. You know that hair-color smell right. It's full of ingredients that nourish your hair. Madison Reed Color is infused with Argon. Oil Carrington and Ginseng root extract. Until you get shiny healthy looking hair and it's incredibly convenient. They deliver it right to your door on your schedule. Whenever you're ready in the comfort of your own home Madison Reed also makes it so easy to find your perfect shade? You just take the color quiz answer a few questions and they recommend the shades that are best for you. Get Ammonia free multi tonal hair-color delivered to your door for less than twenty five dollars at Madison Dash Reed Dot Com. Use Promo Code best case and you'll get at ten percent off plus free shipping on your first color kit. My Promo Code again is best case. Visit Madison Dash Reed Dot Com now to find your perfect shade at Madison Dash Reed Dot Com alone welcomed the best case worst case. Is Jim Clemente retired. FBI profiler former New York City prosecutor writer-producer on CBS's criminal minds with me. Today is hi everybody. It's Francey Hague's former state and federal prosecutor jam. This is so exciting. Not only. Are we back in the studio together. Gather which I know you. Well you have a hard time when we're not in the studio together just my heart breaks but not only that is a good thing in gem but we have with us today. One of our favorite guests all the way from Maryland than she is high. It's K- Winfrey and I am speaking to you. From Rockville Doc. Though Maryland I too am a former state and federal prosecutor. But I am now I happily retired grandmother of two all okay and you have your like like a triple threat because you were just a state prosecutor which most people think of as sort of Ada kind of level on a federal prosecutor. You also were an assistant attorney general. Yeah I it was actually the chief. Deputy Attorney General for Maryland for seven and a half years so that was a very different job. In many ways from being a prosecutor there were prosecutorial aspects aspects. But we did a lot of things beyond that multi-state investigations settlements in consumer protection and a whole host of other things that I never even knew existed assisted in the world of law when I was a prosecutor only so that was a very exciting part of my career. Jim Kind of makes me feel bad about myself. Why do we invite her on? I I think the average citizen should break. I'm going to sing. Doesn't Jim and do an adequate job of that Francey. I really do enough to try it. All Stop Okay is over. Let's get started because I'm really excited for listeners. To hear something from the case files of K.. Winfrey so can you start off by telling us where you were in your career when this case came in so this was the year two thousand and I was in my office in Rockville Maryland. I was the chief. It deputy state's attorney from county Maryland. When I got a call on an afternoon in the middle of the week that there had been a homicide in Germantown encounter hay que just really quickly our listeners because we have people in every state and lots of listeners from all over the world so they might not really recall? Exactly what a state's attorney is what's the difference between that and a district attorney for example. So there really isn't any difference. It's just what the state of Maryland Roland calls. It's prosecutors some jurisdictions call them district attorney's other ones call the prosecuting attorney's it's just the the language of Maryland is State's attorney instead of district attorney. Same thing smoke the detective If so who wasn't yes so so it was a murder. We kept a list of the prosecutors. Who would handle upcoming homicides so they would know and they would be available? If calls calls came in but the calls from the homicide section of the Montgomery County. Police Department always came to me. I came to me or the other deputy state's attorney and this when we knew was going to be high profile and we'd get a lot of attention because the victim was as a beloved Catholic priest Monsignor Thomas Wells and his church. was the mother Seton Catholic. Church in Germantown. Now do you remember what detective called You I do it was Mike. Brant can't tell us a little bit about detective. Rant was the seasoned older older detective brand new guy just cutting his teeth and homicide now. Mike had been around a long time and was very experienced and a pleasure to work with and if somebody that I had done other cases with and it was always good to know that he was leading the charge because he was very thorough. Not The young guys weren't but he was just somebody that Adele tell you when we get to it later that sometimes even the season ones want to step outside the box a little a bit but yeah. The call came in from the Front K.. The other question I have for you since you know you've done so much work with homicide. Detectives I think that our listeners really fascinated fascinated to kind of get a look inside how that operates you say that he was experienced in thorough if you want to characterize sort of the majority Jordy of homicide detective another detectives that you worked with do you think. TV doesn't justice. I mean do you think they're like they're portrayed on TV or do you think. I think they're a sort of a a much more ethical hard-working kind of a thorough investigator type bunch. Well I think it depends on what. TV show you're talking about those that seem to portray police detectives homicide or otherwise as corner cutters and folks that that are on the take or that are sloppy and that are only out to solve the crime or put up. Put a charge on somebody without regard to whether it's the actual perpetrator you know that is not my experience with with detectives and any of the jurisdictions I've worked I have been most fortunate to work with for the most does part highly skilled motivated educated and committed men and women in the police departments that I have that I have worked with but there are some Shows obviously that do portray detectives in the way that the folks that I work with actually operate was the reason that you got this call that they wanted you to respond. Respond to the crime scene or had the Already been processed and released. Well that's a that's a very lengthy at answer. Actually so what they wanted to due to notify the state's Attorney's office that there had been this murder and at once. I got a thumbnail sketch about the victim and what had happened. There had not been an arrest. I went to talk to my boss states attorney and he made the decision that I was not not next up on the list but he wanted me to take the lead on the case so I went up to. I drove up to the scene. The murder had happened in the rectory of the mother. Seton Catholic Church we we set the stage for that. What what does that mean like? This is how big is the church congregation. What's the demographics of the neighborhood? Said Germantown in town is what we would call geographically a bit up county meaning that it's farther away from DC and Virginia which are adjacent to Montgomery County Maryland. So there's a pretty diverse population in Germantown. There are different ethnic groups different socio economic groups. It's definitely not as wealthy as Bethesda and Potomac which are closer in to to to DC so the congregation of this church. It was a large church so I think that it drew people from all all over Germantown and likely other parts of the county too because Monsignor Wells had been the the head priest and forgive me if yeah I don't use the proper language because I'm not Catholic and I don't always get the right terms my my family laughs at me. 'cause they're all Catholic but he had presided over a church Church Our Lady of Lords in Bethesda so he was well beloved. I know that people that had gone to and had worked with with him and had been ministered by him in Bethesda had also followed him up to Germantown to benefit from his from his ministry so he was a very popular priest. And how old was he. He was fifty six when he was killed. So you'd probably have been appraised for like thirty years or something. Yeah Yeah Yeah I would say about that and he come from. He was one of a very large Catholic family and his I mean me just wonderful brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews and he was uncle Tommy and he was there rock he was just obviously. These were things that I learned as the investigation went on but this was a tragedy for the community and his family to lose to lose Monsignor Wells. So you you drive up. You're in Germantown. You go to the rectory inside the church and what do you do when you get there. Well I don't get inside the church I don't get inside the rectory because this was a crime scene. The entire all of the the physical evidence relating to the attack attack and the murder of monsignor wells was inside the rectory. And for those. Who Don't know the rectory is where the priest lives in the church It's adjacent Jason to the Church and he it actually all of the the attack and the murder happened in monsignor wells bedroom so it was a very complex crime scene to process and interestingly and I never did know or understand quite why the powers that be in the homicide section of the police department had decided that the two detectives who were going to be working the homicide detective the grant and his partner would not go inside the crime scene until had been it had been process. They assigned that task to another detective so she was in. Paula McDonald was inside the rectory with the crime scene technicians and it took several days for them to process and release the rooms to the rest of us so we could go in several days. And that's that's extraordinary. It is what was the cause of death. The cause of death was blunt blunt force trauma and multiple stab ones And there had been quite a struggle inside the bedroom so there were multiple places uses within a fairly small area actually for them to process and of course one of the things that they would be looking for was obvious that that Monsignor Wells it had been attacked with a knife but in that kind of man to man struggle. It was likely that the perpetrator had been injured. So there they wanted to be very careful to isolate soleil any blood splatter that might be related to the criminal and that was complicated and there were within that room just the pieces that had to be processed and it it took quite a while so just another question about that if they spend three days processing that scene and the lead detective couldn't go in there and you couldn't go in there. What was the body still in there? Had they removed Monsignor. You know the body had been removed before the time that I even got to the scene. He was discovered Monsignor. Wells had been out to dinner the night before with the number of people. He was very social man very popular with his with his congregation and he had been out to dinner had few glasses of wine and had gone back to the rectory. He was found the following morning by the housekeeper of the rectory chassis found the body so it was sometime after that I was was alerted and went there and monsignor wells body had been had been taken by that time. Do they ever make a determination. As to the time of death. Well we knew that it was it will go going back to what happens on television. I love these shows that say the liver temperature is whatever it is and he died with an hour to my knowledge. Unless it's really. I changed since I stopped doing homicides that that's not possible but it it would have been sometime between. I believe. It was like ten thirty when he was was dropped off back at the rectory after dinner. Ten Thirty or eleven in the housekeeper came sometime between eight and nine and that was about as close as they as they were able to determine sometime overnight that he was attacked and killed all right. So there you are. You're you're can't get into the rectory because they're processing the scene for several days. His his body has already been removed. So what's your role there. What do you do well my role? There was probably one of the saddest things that whenever has has to do as a homicide prosecutor family was there and there was behind the rectory. A Little Gazebo. It was it was a hot day a- As I recall and they were seated under the cover of this Gazebo and the woman that I was going to be trying. The case with Deborah were crimes arrived and we went out. We taught me talk to the detectives and then we went out around back and sat with the family for a while and talk to them about about what they could expect. In the process it was basically hand holding because at that point homicide had no leads and and this is a huge part of being a homicide aside prosecutor knowing that you know things about how it's going to end that they don't know which is what has haunted me always as a homicide prosecutor prosecutor and that is that under the very best of circumstances we catch the bad guy or woman and they're convicted and they get an appropriate sentence and and that's under the very best of circumstances and none of that ever brings any any real comfort closure to the family so it was mostly just talking about helping them navigate the process and answer any questions that they might have about what they could expect in the coming weeks. Ah y'all y'all we. All know. Hiring is a challenge. But there's one place you can go. Were hiring is simple fast and smart in growing businesses. Connect to qualified candidates candidates cafe ALTERRA. Co Dylan Miss Quits experience. How challenging hiring can be after unsuccessfully searching for a director of coffee for his organic China Coffee Company but then he switched Ziprecruiter and saw an immediate difference you can to by signing up for free at ZIPRECRUITER DOT com slash best S. case Ziprecruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you it finds them for you and its technology identifies people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job so you get qualified candidates faster with results like that? It's no wonder for a five employers. Who Post on Ziprecruiter get a quality polity candidate within the first day ZIPRECRUITER? The smartest way to hire see why Ziprecruiter is effective for businesses of all sizes trust Ziprecruiter for are free at our web address ziprecruiter dot com slash best case that's ZIPRECRUITER DOT COM slash B. E. S. T. C. A. The S. e.. y'All you know. True crime is my passion but even I need the occasional break and when I feel like I need a mental pallet cleanser Mike Mike go to refresher is best scenes I love best fiends. It has challenging puzzles but as a casual game that anyone can play. It's made for adults adults and you can spend as much as little time as you'd like in the game it's really kind of like true crime. They're challenging puzzles. It engages your brain. There's a a story. Best fees unique exciting puzzle experience unlike other puzzle games out there it treats the game like a service for their players. They update the game monthly with new levels and events so that it never gets old. You don't even need the Internet to play so it's great for travelling. You can play anywhere a plane the subway a when you're in the back of an Uber left anywhere. Engage your brain with fun puzzles and collect tons of cute characters trust meet with over a hundred million downloads in this five star rated mobile puzzle game is a must play download best fiends free on the apple APP store or Google play. That's friends without the our best asked fiends so I have a question about how the process works in three days. Go by while they're processing. The scene is the lead detective. Is he trying to come up leads as he already out. Canvassing is the already you working the case even before the scene is completely process. Yeah absolutely absolutely doing which which is what would happen in any case where. You didn't have an obvious suspect. So yes they were canvassing. They were interviewing everybody that at the rectory his family. Anybody who might might have any clues about who would have a motive anything of that sort so all of those things were being done because what was happening inside a Directory or the bedroom was development and processing of the forensic evidence and so any of that would not unless the perpetrator had left behind something obviously identifying himself. Those are sort of parallel things that happen in any homicide investigation. Anyway so that that didn't really change age wins okay. Does that mean while the scene still being processed presumably there's going to be an autopsy that's GonNa go on and are you or your colleague. Deborah Grimes GonNa go to that offseason did you. I did not go to his and at this point I do not recall whether she went. Typically one or both of us would have gone on but I know that I did not go to his and I at this point. I don't recall why our weather she went. But the obviously the believe detectives would have been there will and so after the autopsy though you would have been given information on what was adduced in the autopsy. What what did you learn from that? Obviously that's a source of a great deal of evidence in sometimes the difference between convicting someone and not well it was a it was a pretty brutal murder. He had been deaton and he had been been stabbed multiple times and the the level of violence. And what we were being told by Paul McDonald and the and the crime scene technician mission about what they were seeing inside gave us a lot of insight into it seemed above and beyond. We thought it was probably a robbery. But then this level of violence silence and just wasn't something that you would ordinarily expect to see in a home invasion robbery gone bad so but the autopsy did show that it had been a very brutal attack and a prolonged attack so obviously there were defensive wounds and I'm just wondering there were than you said blunt force and stabbing so does that mean that there are other instruments used other weapons used other than the knife there. There was a a stationary bike. In the rector in the bedroom that it looked as if there had been a struggle around that and that some of the injuries that you know he had been shoved into that but the the primary cause of death was the Multiple Stab Barnes and there was there was not a knife recovered. There was no bat. Murder weapon was not recovered. Do whether there was any indication that there was a forced entry into the rectory and or the church and or increase bedroom there was forced entry the rectory in the building where it was was there were two floors and the rectory. It was almost like a decide that I've described. It had the Gazebo. There was a ground level entry tree going out to that so it's like a a basement but sort of hard to describe. His bedroom was on the first floor. But just because of the the way that the area was landscaped as the wrong word but it there were two levels in each of them had an entry and the left the the entry had been through a window. Doubt that was broken on that bottom level where the Gazebo was and there were also were offices down there so that part of the rectory was a bit separate separate from the bedroom area where monsignor wells lived which was on what I would describe as the top floor so yeah so the slope of the ground was one side of that building thank you that was the word I was looking for slope. You know the the the first I floor was actually ground level within the building head yes had two floors that were exposed. Yes exactly all right and then so he chose to break in break a window on the lowest floor where you're calling the ground floor and the pre spiderman was is on the first floor but it was one floor above the window was broken. Exactly so what's interesting about. That is that this was murder within. That happened in attack. That happened upstairs and the priest didn't actually come downstairs. And and find somebody Alexei hearing the window breaking he actually was attacked in his own room. Exactly and we. We don't know exactly how that encounter began. Ah Okay so this is a very complicated case and it sounds. I can't wait to hear not what happened next. So what I want to know from you is is what are you as the prosecutor doing while the scene is being finished. And then this Nina's The autopsy happens. The detectives are really starting their case. What their investigation? What is your actual role as the prosecutor in a homicide investigation? Well at that point we would be if there were legal questions that the police had we would be advising if you know if they wanted to get a search warrant or anything of that sort that would be just a typical role in a homicide case because of course unless they've got witnesses that are they're ready to interview we don't typically get involved in that so I'm sure you're during the course of the next few days but before the the scene was released that's what was happening. I do know that once the the crime scene technicians had completed their forensic work that I did go to the rectory and went through the entire building including the rooms where the murder had had happened with the lead detectives and that was probably on the third or fourth day after the murder. That's really important. I did that a number of because when I was prosecutor and certainly when I was an FBI agent being at the scene and actually seeing how it lays out it just tells you a million times more than looking at pictures or video. Well it really does and especially seeing this room and it it was. I mean it was a large bedroom but it was was a bedroom and it had a bath attached to it. That was you know. Not huge at it a bath with the shower stall and a commode and sank. Think but to think that there was so much going on in that bedroom that took the forensics three days almost three days to complete plead the work was was pretty startling. And and you know of course when you go in things. Some things have been removed pieces of carpet but there were there was a lot of the blood splatter and as I recall that the crime scene technician was there with us and showed us things things that he had observed and and was describing the work that he had done and it was a this was a it was a complex scene because it wasn't As if there had been one part of the room where the priests was stabbed and died. There were things that had happened all over that bedroom and it was it was very bloody even even though it was days after it was very disturbing to see while in so kate. You think you'd categorize the mind seniors having engaged in a serious serious fight for his own life yes absolutely absolutely so it because it was obvious that he had not been immediately overwhelmed and overtaken again and subdued because it yes he absolutely had fought for his life. Well it's interesting As you know I spent a read a part of my career in the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the FBI and when we saw situations like you described where there's overwhelming overwhelming force overkill. It sounds like it's very determined defender that he is very goal directed in other words. He didn't take an opportunity to not the priest over leave. Kept coming back over and over and over again is the monsignor fought for his life. And that that could mean when you have such a scene of great overkill and disarray. That could mean that the offender psychotic could also mean that. The offender knows the victim and is enraged. So I I am very curious to see how this plays out and whether are there any of that is true. But I don't WanNa know about right now but when we come back next time we'll go much deeper into how this case in investigation investigation played out. Okay thank you so much for joining us. I'm like Jim on the edge of my seat. I can't wait to hear how it turned out. I'm hoping there was a trial involved in justice for an offender. But we'll find all that out on our next episode of Pescadores case is an ex g production reduced by JIM CLEMENTE AT EMPIRE STUDIOS LA engineered and edited eight by Mike Donald composed and performed by Simba soon bath and hosted by as case. Worst case on your favorite listening at we are on spotify. stitcher apple podcasts. And wherever you listen to podcasts. If you want to do something about Child Sexual Abuse Darkness Delight can help. Did you know that more than ninety percent. The time children are sexually abused by someone. They know Jim. This isn't about stranger danger. It's about learning the true risks darkness to light. Training can help Prevent recognize and react to child sexual abuse in your community. When you make the decision to get involved kids can be protected it starts with you? visit www dot d. two l. dot org to take the training and learn more. That's Di the number two L. Dot Org.

prosecutor murder Monsignor Thomas Wells Church Germantown technician attorney Madison Dash Reed Dot Com Maryland Madison Reed Mike Mike robbery Jim Jim Clemente K- Winfrey Montgomery County Deborah Grimes Maryland FBI
Oklahoma City Bombing, Part 2

The First Degree

42:32 min | 10 months ago

Oklahoma City Bombing, Part 2

"Thank you for listening to this podcast one production. Now, available on Apple, podcasts podcast one spotify and anywhere else you get your podcast. All right. So it's officially fall in a lot of people out there like to switch things up whether that be their wardrobe, their makeup or their hair, and if you WANNA switch your hair up at home, you can take calling your hair at home to the next level with Madison. Reed with Madison. Review get gorgeous professional hair-color delivered to your door starting at twenty two bucks for decades. Women have had two options for colouring their hair either outdated home color or the time and expense of a traditional salon. But many madison re clients comment about how their new hair color has improved their lives. And women. Love the results is gorgeous shiny dimensional, healthy looking hair and this game changing color. You can do at home and look as if you just came from the Salon and what makes Madison require unique is that it's crafted by master colors who nuances of light dark cool and warm tones treat over fifty five gorgeous multidimensional shades and you can find your perfect shade at Madison Dash Reed Dot Com and our first degree listeners can get ten percent off plus free shipping on their first caller kit with code first degree podcast. That's code first degree podcast and that in Dash Reed. Dot Com. Degree degree. degree. I agree the degree. Things are supposed to have it in movies not. Everybody members that day every knows exactly where they were that day who they were sitting by were doing. Just, like people who you know the JFK assassination people there on nine eleven. And it's the same for. Oklahoma and Welcome to the first degree the true crime podcast that you might end up on my name is Jack Panic I'm sitting very far away from Alexis linkletter and Billie Johnson, and it's gotten to the point where I'm over this distance bullshit. US to Jack Museum. A Lot. You guys have gotten close physically closer. I have gotten physically and emotionally sadder. This is not fair I. Want you back to be back I. Miss. You guys so much I know we'll have a big celebration when you get back. Billy Billy. Billy. What Day is it today? We have a lot to choose from. Is International Chewing Gum Day you love eight piece of Gum. I know that Alexis does not chew them. You don't chew come at all Nineteen Team Jay you know I do to do should I not be chewing gum? Oh. WHAT ELSE DOES IT BELLY? Also national mud pack day I'm sure both of you ladies have done the mud pack at some point in your life I don't even know what that is state. You put the mud on your face and never done that before. What do you do for the mets on your face? You've never gone to a SPA and they give you a mud pack. Oh, look mudbath. Yeah I've done mudbath. Sure. That's the right thing building. That's what it says mud pack day. See That's interesting but else what else we got I need something more exciting international podcast day but. That's derivative. To on the nose to nose and it's ask a stupid question day. Oh. All right. What a stupid question billy stupid question is. Anything Billy asks. Stupid question is, how did I end up here? which how did I hear? It doesn't matter you. No, it wasn't meant to be funny because my life is tragedy. Oh my God you guys are both on one today and it's On a level that I, I don't know if I'll ever be able to reach. So I think that's enough of that. So let's turn down the lights. And turn up your anxiety. Because this could be you. We left off last week with the story of Megan and her mother June Megan's experience was agonizing as she spent April nineteenth of nine, hundred, Ninety five not knowing the fate of her mom following the horrific bombing at the Alfred p Murrah building in Oklahoma City. While we will still have the honor of including Megan's perspective. In this episode, we're adding a second person's narrative to this story someone who's life was altered in such Broadway's it's difficult to articulate. So let me introduce you to Ron. Brown. Nineteen ninety hours a secret service agent was in the Phoenix field office. I was primarily doing investigations fraud. Credit card our bread butter counterfeiting protective intelligence, which are threats against the president. Now I met Ron on the second night of my book tour and he was my arm guard. I had armed guards at every night in my book tour and it was in. PORTLAND. And he stood behind me we didn't really talk. But then after we got through all of the signings and everything we got to talking and then he was such a nice guy had to run to the airport and it's like I'll drive you. On the way to the airport, he told me story after story that were just intense. He was a super nice guy. He was in the Secret Service and the stories that he just laid out I, really really wanted to get him on this podcast and as soon as we had another first degree come to US Meghan and she told us her first degree about Oklahoma City bombing. This was the opportunity I contacted him again and he was he's just such an easygoing guy like, yes. Sure. Let's do it and I think we actually talked to him while he was on a stakeout because he's a Pi now. Okay back to the story Jack Where are we? Okay. So back in April of Nineteen ninety-five Ron have been married for only six weeks. His new wife was named Cindy and she was also and the secret service. We got married in. In her Sherman Texas. So. About forty five miles north of Dallas. That's where she was from. I met Cindy in training probably thought I was a bit of loose cannon or something. She's very. Very proper southern type. Lady and I'm a little bit more of an Okie from Muskogee. So we we got together try to keep. The relationship is quite as we could and then. I went to Phoenix, as my first duty station and she was in Oklahoma City. And We would see each other you know weekends or we could or whenever we got some time, which isn't a lot of time because. You're busy especially in new agent travel. You've cases you're working on all that kind of stuff. The morning of April Nineteenth nineteen ninety-five was like any other day Farrand until it wasn't. In the office I usually worked out in the morning and I got back into the locker and dressing, and we had these texts pages and I was I was getting all these pages from like all these different area codes and I was like this kind of weird. So I went to the office and. My Office manager there. So, there's been a bombing in Oklahoma City and I'm like one. And they look at it TV and Samara. Federal Building. So immediately started calling. Cindy. You know get a hold of her and. Couldn't get ahold of her. and. Then somebody called the. Tulsa office and they said Hey ron you to get here as quick as you can. And I knew right then. Without anyone telling me she's probably you know she probably was killed in the bombing. Flew out there in these dad met me at the airport. And you could tell. He was. He was trying to put a halfway decent face on it. This is kind of the way. We started looking at. You know hospitals and all this kind of stuff, and then we we drove around and actually you know because I have a badge badge through barricades and all that kind of stuff gas where they actual building was got to the actually foot of the building and it was just I mean at one side was just. Absolute rubble and I started climb up and much the firemen like grabbing the in house Kinda getting a little bit of fight with a couple of Cindy's dad, said. His wife's in their these guys are. Pretty tough dudes just. A couple and start crying. Semi work the Oklahoma City Secret Service, office, which is on the top floor of the Building, and while relief washed over some people as they learn, their loved ones had survived the bombing ron was not so lucky. CYNDI. Didn't make it out alive. I think I consciously thought about this I knew that she was gone. I did not want to become a burden to bunch of people. And so I just kinda stuffed emotion down and said I'M GONNA BE I'M GONNA try to be a marine here and not lose it in front of everybody. And I kinda. That's that's the way I thought about this for a long time. And I just You know I had my moments by myself but I didn't. I never wanted to be that way in front of anybody else. So I didn't I didn't want to be. I guess I want her to be the focal point I didn't I didn't WanNa be the guy that people are looking at you know so. I Let's not some noble guy. Just I didn't want that. So I just didn't. I just got stuff that down inside of me and just like, okay, I got things to do I gotta be. GotTa be. Strong for other people. The search and rescue effort was exhausted. and Law enforcement personnel remained focus on that effort until they were sure that anyone who could be rescued had been rescued out of the rubble. Then as the literal and figure dust settled the number one question on everyone's mind was of course. What the hell happened. And who was responsible? The remains of the federal building would now become the most scrutinized crime scene in the world. But as news of the bombing spread nationally. People began to speculate. And I remember this vividly in the tone on radio and TV immediately after the blast. Everyone was pointing fingers and they were pointing fingers in one direction, the Middle East. Came in and people were saying. Middle Eastern terrorists or something. I. Mean. That's kind of what. I guess at the time, that's what went to people's mind just the way it was set up and stuff. So you know as as a days by Kinda obviously figure it out. People are so quick to blame these foreigners Muslims Islamics it's them them. Then it's everybody that doesn't have the same belief system whatever that may be in. That's because just two years earlier in February of ninety three terrorist originating from Middle East bombed the World Trade Center in New York City and two years before that the United States has gone to war with Iraq the nation waited with bated breath for someone from the Middle East to take credit for this deadly bombing. As the FDA process, this massive scene and conducted interviews with witnesses it became clear that a number of individuals reported seeing an unknown man driving a Ryder rental truck within close proximity of the building and the man was white with the crew cut. Scheduled created of this man who became known as John Doe Number One. The presence of this man near the building emerged as significant when investigators discovered a telling piece of evidence in the form of an axle of a Ryder truck, and this would eventually be keyed identifying the man who murdered one hundred sixteen individuals including Ron's wife Cindy. Right in this excellent flown from the scene of the crime and landed a staggering two blocks from the building. Luckily, on this axel, the vehicle identification number, the Vin number have remained intact and they trace the number back to a writer chuck that belonged to a rental agency. Investigators traced location of where the truck had been rented and it was an auto body shop in. Kansas. They get the the description of the man who rented the truck and then discovered that the same man. Into a motel. So they go to the Dreamland Motel in. Junction City Kansas and they learned on April fourteenth a man checked into room twenty five the man's name Timothy. McVeigh. When officers hold a photo of McVeigh, he resembled a composite sketch of John, doe number one, the man seen near the Murrah building before the explosion. A working theory emerged. It was believed that a Ryder truck loaded with explosives had been driven to the front of the Murrah building part. And then the explosives were detonated. Meanwhile police have identified the man they believed to be responsible for this horrific violence as Timothy McVeigh. But where was he now? unbeknownst to them, he was already in custody. Here's what happened less than two hours after the explosion in Oklahoma Highway Patrol trooper named Charlie Hanger was driving in his cruiser outside of a town called Perry, and this is about sixty miles north of Oklahoma, city. So he was driving north on the I thirty five when he passed a beat up nine, hundred, seventy, seven mercury marquee. Not Unusual. But what was unusual was the fact that this car was missing its license plates. So officer hanger pulled the car over and approach via com behind the wheel was a guy in his mid twenties. He was clean cut get a crew cut. He was wearing a t shirt with a graphic of Abraham, Lincoln on it along with the words of the man who shot him in death, sic semper trenice which by the way. Means thus always to tyrants. So over the t shirt, the man was wearing a windbreaker when he got out of the car officer hangar could see that he was wearing military type boots as well on the back of this guy's t shirt was quote from Thomas Jefferson, the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of Patriots, tyrants the officer us man what his name was and he replied Timothy McVeigh. So I have struggled with acne breakouts and generally bad skin for the majority of my twenty s and it was always so hard to try to figure out what skincare products are going to be the best for my skin. But that's why I love our sponsor cure allergy so whether you're trying to take control acne or acne is no longer your top skin concern fine lines dark spots, occasional breakout or clogged pores cure algae will customize a prescription formula three active ingredients pick for. You to tackle your skincare needs. 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But the only thing was when the officer looked in the back seat, he didn't see any bags with clothing. And he looks in the front seat hints any maps there is nothing to suggest this person was on any sort of overnight trip, much less a move. According to the LA. Times when officer hangar asked the man for his driver's license, he reached into his back pants pocket to grab it and when he did that his windbreaker tightened on his side. And the officer could see a bulge of what appeared to be a gun holster. Officer Hangar asked him to reveal what he was packing and it was a loaded glock. The man also said, he had a six inch long knife in a sleeve connected to was belt. Officer Hanger Arrested Twenty Six year old Timothy McVeigh for carrying a concealed weapon. and. Hangar drove this guy to the local courthouse McVeigh was chatting to him about random things according to the LA Times McVeigh quote Ronald off the serial number of gun correctly except for a single digit, he asked hanger how fast is car ran what kind of firearm carried and how he could get his own gun back and. He was booked into the Noble County jail as inmate nine, five, zero, five, seven. and. Two as McVeigh sat in the local jail, the chaos and confusion of the Oklahoma. City bombing continued to unfold around the world. It was assumed that this bombing would be attributed to the enemies in the Middle East when the true perpetrator, a white American male was already behind bars for a concealed carry violation. The morning McVeigh was supposed to go before a judge, but the judge had to reschedule. So the hearing was scheduled for Friday of that week three days after the bombing of the Alfred p Murrah building. As, the investigation continued people who had lost loved ones like Ron were still reeling and processing what had happened in. There were also practical concerns like funerals. Toll thing about getting her body down to Texas and The director she could service I think had to step in on that one but. Like. You can't take it. You know this is still an investigation I'm like I'm like talking to people I go. Get her ready to go down to Texas for a funeral or off steal the body. And I'll take her down there myself. And I don't know how many times. Yelled at funeral people are cops or whoever was but. Some Guy said, you know we had a fight grape top and She likes white roses, and so I said, well, we need to put a rose on top of the coffin. Those guys you can't put. I`Ma Marine put whatever they. Want on top of Rick often. So there's an rose on top of her Flag, atop coughing. The losses of the Oklahoma City bombing can't be quantified with the number of victims who lost their lives. The reach of the suffering is far greater than that about a week before. The Oklahoma City bombing we she came to Phoenix and then we went out to. SEDONA. was. Easter. And say that a better breakfast and. Last time I saw that. The airport in Phoenix. No. Kidding. She probably the nicest person I've ever met. And I'm a little rough around the edges town the time. That didn't even faze her at all just pretty nice in our secret service class. She kinda brought the whole class together and nobody. I never heard. A crossword about her she was universally liked in her office. So. She she would have been a great. A great agent who would have been a great wife a great mother she would have. We would we would have stayed together forever and it would have been. Getting, married that's just not the way it happened so. Eventually. The connection is made in law enforcement figures out mcvay is in custody and they do this by running his social security number after he's identified through the rental agency where he rented the Ryder Truck. Now there's a face assigned to this tragedy in the public. Finally could put a face to this phantom who murdered so many and investigators in the press begin to try to figure out who Timothy McVeigh was in why he would do something like this. So. McVeigh was born in Lockport New York in nineteen, sixty eight, and as a teen he liked to thinks he was named most promising computer programmer. Like computers. He also liked guns. He went to college he dropped out then he worked as a guard at an armored car company. When he turned twenty, he enlisted in the army and he served in Operation Desert Storm. He wanted to be in special forces, but he washed out on the second day. Left the army with an honorable discharge in ninety one. During the siege. At Waco. With David Koresh and the branch Davidians actually drove to that scene. and. He was seen handing out pro gun rights, leaflets, and bumper stickers. One of the bumper stickers read when guns become outlawed I will become an outlaw. And situation at Waco really affected him in after the Final Waco. Assault. He became fully radicalized. He produced videos railing against the ATF. He sold ATF hats with bullet holes in them. He began building bombs. For Him The people that worked for the government were stormtroopers and fascist tyrants. Even wrote at one point ATF. Your tyrannical mother will swing in the wind one day for your treasonous actions against the. Constitution of the United States. He had the right to his beliefs. He has the right to worship whatever got he has the right. To. Whatever. Disgusting deplorable. Culture he was in, he didn't have the right. To do what he did. Nobody does I. don't care where you come for care what you believe. You know there's fruit loops all over the place in fact I read. Hundreds of them that made threats gets president whether they're. You know off their meds that day or there's some zealots from some group or whatever it is so And all sorts of different nationalities because it didn't really I just knew the guy from my limited secret service experience at the time. Was A nut. I. Mean. What does that nobody? Constantly, goes I'm going to blow up this building and kill these innocent people to make this point if they're not. Crazy. I just think I don't care about the political phillies care what they think about stuff when you when you cross that line and you're killing innocent people, it doesn't it doesn't matter what you are. And what your causes or anything else you'd just deuce bagging you need to be taken down. Timothy McVeigh's actions back in. Nineteen ninety-five five would foreshadow a trend in violent crime that we are currently in the midst of domestic terrorism is at a fever pitch and it presents itself in the form of mass shootings single white guy with a gun mass shootings common occurrence every week in recent history. And seemed to have waned only this year because of the pandemic. But make no mistake. The Lone American Wolf with a grudge is alive and well. And unfortunately is plotting his next move. It's one thing to identify the culprit. We had the WHO, but we still don't have the why. Or the how in the biggest question at this point did Timothy McVeigh act alone in part one, we discuss Meghan story of not knowing for mother made it out alive in this episode, we talked with Ron Brown who shared with the experience of losing his wife in this attack. In our next episode, we will cover the trial of Timothy McVeigh, the saga that will ultimately end at seven fourteen. Am June eleven two thousand and won Miss Sterilized Room and Tara. Hosts Indiana. All right. Well, huge to both and Ron for sharing their stories with us. They'll both be with us next week for the conclusion of a three part series on the Oklahoma. City bombing. Until then. You. Have a story you would like to share. You can email us hello I degree podcast, Dot Com follow us on. Instagram at the first degree out Alexis letter at Billie Johnson at Jack Vanik join our facebook group just by searching the first degree in the search bar we are talking true crime all the time and stick around because we're going to kill some time. And remember only you can prevent serial killers. And keep your friends close but. Not. Close. Almost. Happy. Ask a dumb question day these days sucked. A big. Thank you to Jared Monaco, original music and sound design shoutout to are producing team caitlyn CLEVELAND. Taylor Rogers and Allen Santiago for podcast one sources for today's episode include The Times and the FBI and as always our first guest is always. Source. You know over the past six months or so I've been a little bit more stressed out than usual I'm sure maybe you have to and it's been a little bit hard for me to sleep the normal. But that's why I love this thing that I've been adding to my routine, which is he list naturals. So heels naturals is one hundred percent natural and clean ingredients CD based brand that actually works and one thing that makes us different from other. CBD. Brands that he'll has taken on the highest quality US grown organic CBD, and blended it with other clinically tested natural ingredients that are known to work with your body to help you find com. Without the brain fog or help you fall asleep stay asleep and wake up without any morning groggy nece. 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That's T. R. Y. AN OEM dot com slash degree for fifty percent off a two week trial. Did you know that right now GEICO's offering an extra fifteen percent credit on car motorcycle and RV policies. That's fifteen percent on top of all the money that guy who could already save you. So what are you waiting for your dog to make you breakfast in bed as nice as that sounds is probably never going to happen. But at least there's never been a better time to switch to geico saving extra fifteen percent when you switch by October seventh visit GEICO DOT COM to learn more. Welcome to another episode of killing time Alexis and billy are attached at the head we're good to go. Here, we are ready to seize the night. copay. DM. Our pay evening car pay. No everything. All. bitches knocked. Probably Reserve Salad I did used to have a t shirt that said carping knock them my think if that's correct. Yeah, and it had like a wolf feeling into the. Did you say I said carpet rectum I did hear and then actually I'm surprised he said that Alexis. Seems like it's not up your comedy wheelhouse I'm really not myself knew she burks earlier she she audibly birthday that were just like you're not a robot you actually. It was amazing. If if everyone only knew how much burbs like it is it's bad I'm sorry for I. Feel really bad for jared. Funny I. No. Longer. If he doesn't care whatever. Okay. So I wanted to tell the tale in killing time and and really get your feedback. So I am raising my embryos and I'm doing it this place called. They're like the best in the country and we're in the beginning of this process of freezing embryos and what one of the first things you have to do is you have to get blood tests. So I had to get a blood test for my hormones and then you have to get like infectious diseases, blood tests and jared had to also get a blood test with me. It's it's two things that he needs to do for this process, right? So, we go to get our blood tests and they take us into two separate rooms and they're taking the blood and jared kind of texting like how are you doing whatever and he texts me? He's like, okay I'm done. He's like they did they took it all out I'm flat. What did you say deflated? Near. So he says he's deflated and I was like. Okay, well, I'm still going whatever. So then I. Come Out of the place to go find jared impure happened you. Texted you because I started to feel I, was I'm finding with needles get I don't get like he's not scared of needles apparent apparently. So they do the whole procedure I go back into the waiting room and I'm sitting there and then Ice my vision narrowed like time and I started to get really lightheaded. So I texted Jack knows like I have to go back to the jeep I can't sit in this room anymore I'm. GonNa pass out. So I get up and I go to the elevator we're on the third floor and as it's going down the motion of it like puts me basically on my knees like about to like I'm almost down and the whole time. All I can think of my head is this is the only thing I have to do in this entire process like jackass to get stabbed for like a month straight. With needles and I was like if I can just make it back to the jeep. I'll be fired pass out. I'll never hear the end of this for the rest of my life. And I I like barely made. Of covered in sweat my entire shirt was like covered. It's like literally soaking soaking wet. Yeah. It was bad and then I so I come out of like the whole situation. I'm like skin my way the jeep I'm like whatever. Can fans like he's like they took so much blood. I was like, well, how much did they take? He goes four vials like Jerry. They took nine vials for me and I'm on the second period. She literally came skipping out of that place like I was. Like a half dead and Jack just came with a big smile on her face like running. Jack is a ray of sunshine and she's a special human but. have. You considered the possibility that this is psychological. Like in what way? Will this sounds like this sounds like what I have when I have panic attack only was it sounds like it can't just be I get them at the doctor's office to not because it's from your subconscious and it's you thinking like doctors offices make people really nervous in May, open up all these floodgates about like death in in weird things. So it could just be weird stuff. Weird fears that you have haven't even addressed I really hope that's what it is because it could just be really weak, right? Maybe of low iron maybe that blood test will tell you that Oh. Yeah. What if the test actually tells me why the test almost put me out? US. We'll see it was just so funny because it's like jared, you have one thing like I'm literally I'm getting stabbed him being put under should is getting extracted from my body and jared husted you like get one. Tiny vial of blood taken and it almost I could just hear Jack's voice. So when I was going down I was like I, know I know what she's going to say bypass out. No matter what I have to make it back to the car like one hundred percent. Yeah. Well, it's like him jewelry on different scale. It's him jury like times a million because I was fine. Right we'll. Maybe it's because you guys didn't answer the very important question. I asked you in the group Chat, which is whether you guys would name one of your embryos after me. Answer that I don't know I don't remember that question but this is like my question. About that is if we name an embryo and that's one that ends up getting taken to I need to name my child excess. No just embryo. To, working. Title Yeah Yeah and then if it's born in might have like, oh, it's like Alexis it might have tank like abilities. Yeah. It'll like get some characters just by Osmosis. Alexis has had a really long day. We've been shooting a lot and they're like, yeah, do your makeup look really good and put a mask on. I'm like wait wet and then like. How do you look good with a mask on in then take it off messes up. You're making your Meka. Well, then why don't you just not even put makeup on the bottom half of your face I think that's the glory of wearing amount of. Part of my face, we still have to we still have to actually. Then they make take it off right before they shoot We don't wear it when we're actually doing the interviews, but like they want you to wear it to the final moment and like then how do I touch up in not an I'll just go on like we but now my lipsticks all over my face. and. Then forget it. What about that mosquito bite I got in my head I know do we want to talk about this? Yeah. So we are are Ed, we can't divulge a lot of, but we're out sort of in the country and the this specific. Has a pond and it's got a bunch of it's very much in the woods and I look over lots of stagnant water lots of stuff. Don't want her and I look over at Alexis and she has a giant bomb directly in the center of her forehead and she had to do I believe it was the first. She knows inertia it was the first tests it was in the middle of she had already done one interview at another you're going to do and she literally got bit by mosquito right in the center of her forehead and it blew up I'm highly allergic it was completely noticeable. Nobody yet yeah, and she's like, does it look bad I'm like. The. Picture and show me he's like, no. And I sent it to the Group Chat That Jackson with all my girlfriends and it was just like everyone was trying to be sweet like you need a funny way I'm like, no like let's not block I. Don't think that cat dead I don't have. I want sugar in. DP though and he he shattered it. Shadowed it free for. US It'll be it'll be. An Eastern Yeah. That will be an Easter egg honestly is the most Alexis thing to ever happen. Wide I. Look Good. Alexis you. So you text group chat and you were still there. Yet Boca, you her group chat and you're like I'm a TV Unicorn and then you didn't send a picture with it unlike I'm like, as Alexis, like bragging about her first day on the job, you're like a native I'm like on TV now. And I was like this is very off brand in this feels weird and then finally like fifteen minutes later you're like the the picture not come through it. We're like, no. And the picture finally came through now this makes. There you go. Really I'm a TV, Unicorn. defecating I would never do and then I was like Oh shit. That's how it sounded is the picture you can go through. Realize then, but I swear it looks like I have a horn. It's not good. No, it does look like a budding abutting horn-like the beginnings of Amorn. anyways it. was. A whole different show but yeah, has it gone down like has gone down for the rest of your interviews? Yeah. went away immediately it was just like I just have an initial battery action. It was done by that night. So just perfect for bright right as you were filming right as yes. Exactly I love has there been any other. Like points that have stuck out to you guys over the past week of filming that you'd like to share that. You can share other than the point on. Alexis his forehead other than the point on Alexis forehead. Billy did a cool one billy went to. Right here, we can't talk. No it was good. Now. We're doing some good stuff. Yeah. So cryptic everyone but yes. A lot of fights a lot of fights on camera. Oh. And the Kurds like. Okay, I'm really confused. You're like is. There their fights pertaining to the case? And pertaining to. You know our theories about it and how we should approach different things here or there I mean maybe it'll make television maybe we'll get arrested I. have a feeling. They're probably not gonNA air those fights it's not like this is a reality show though I mean I wish that we could air all of the behind the scenes on the situation, but doesn't seem like the type of show but true crime reality show them. Your fights it's real. I mean, they're good points. I'm making good points and I'm convincing her that she's wrong. I don't dignify that with a response. Okay I think that we need to leave. Let's call this. Nightmare.

The Times Timothy McVeigh Alexis US Ron Brown Oklahoma Middle East Phoenix billy Cindy officer Oklahoma City Texas jared Madison Dash Reed Dot Com Federal Building Alfred p Murrah building Jack mets president
131: What if a psychotic break split your life wide open?

This is Actually Happening

35:27 min | 2 years ago

131: What if a psychotic break split your life wide open?

"I have fear every single day. Am I going crazy? And I don't even know it. 'cause I didn't know I was going crazy. I thought this was completely normal behavior. I didn't know if things that we're doing things that I was saying were so so extreme. Presentation of the audio podcast. This is actually happening. Today's episode of this is actually happening. It's brought to you by Madison Reed, Madison Reed is company. That's taking the way women color their hair to the next level by creating professional hair-color delivered to your door for less than twenty five dollars. For decades. Women have had two options for colouring their hair outdated at home hair-color where the time and expense of salon. Amy Eric greeted Madison Reed because she believes women deserve third option, the quality of salon color, with the convenience and affordability of at home hair, hair-color using ingredients you can feel good about to have more time to do what you love many Madison Reed clients comment on how their new hair-color has improved their lives and women love the results gorgeous, shiny multidimensional, healthy looking hair, you can do at home, and look if you just came from the salon. What makes medicine read color unique that it's crafted by master colorless who blend nuances of light dark cool and warm to create over forty five gorgeous, multi, tonal shades. Find your perfect shape. Made at Madison dash Reed dot com. This is actually happening listeners. Get ten percent off plus free shipping on their first color kit with code happening. That's code happening. Does. Had a mental illness, and it was raging when I was a little girl. I'm talking about like three or four years old. I remember coming home a lot too my dad's in bed for days or he'd be locked in the bathroom for hours and hours by mom being scared. That was the only thing I knew everybody else's dad through this twos. Must just be normal. That was just kind of like the everyday thing where he knows either. My parents yelling throwing things or it was my daughter just always be crying and any other like a lot of emotional support from me, even though you know, I was five six seven years old. Dade slit up. So it was like a lot of my dad crying remember to his apartment number become league over there. Like, my dad would just always be crying. You talk to me about things like suicide things that parents should not talk to their children about. Meydani never got diagnosed with anything. He's he's never gone to a psychiatrist and have a legitimate diagnosis. Instead of him taking care of me result. Like I needed to be the parent almost in take care of him and guide him. My cats through you know, the whole custody battle on everything NIA reginal ill as that. I would go to my dad's. She were three times a week. So I did spend a fair amount of time with my dad is my mom works shift work. My momma was called me her angel baby. 'cause I was such a good kid was very polite that was very shy. I had a crazy imagination. I could spend hours by myself in my room, just playing these imaginary worlds, I would be in my room in my room was transformed into these like worlds that are escaping in. I would be this different person. It was just a way to get back to being a kid. I think firmly it was it was just an escape in a way to feel less responsibility. I felt like if he ever killed himself would be my fault because my diet will meet some time that he was gonna do. Remember, my digest meal from school and telling me that after he dropped me off. He's gonna go kill himself. I know I deal what to do. So I had that I had that weight on the all time after that. I remember seeing my diamond stamping from school. He did every day and everything being just sign back to normal. And we I don't think we ever talked about it again. He would tell me that he got cancer. But he never legitimately ever had. He would just tell you this. He would play on it. I do all this research on like what are the survival rates for somebody with pancreatic cancer? It's only five percent owned my God. Now, I know it's another way of controlling my motions administration tactic Domos him. He makes you feel like you're center the world in your center of his world without you. He wouldn't survive. He had that sense of ownership over me. I I'd allies my died as a little girl. I even though I thought such a responsibility at the same time. I realized that I thought he was my hero. My mom was the most stable thing. I had I don't have any huge acidic memories because they were all just normal. They are coming home from school at I do my homework. I would go in watch TV in her bedroom for a little bit before I go to bed and she let me read in our coming Tuchman. She knew exactly, you know, who might have was like, that's why she laughed. For some reason my mind went to Uni hurt yourself. I think it was just my first panic attack that I ever had no idea what to do. And I thought that never ever seen. My Dodig at Mike all those feelings were just like it was so loud in my head so loud that had to make stop like south. They had to stop the only thing that was the clear thing that I can think of as at that point was like unit hurt yourself union. That's the only way that this is gonna stop. You know, I started cutting my rest was like this. Like things quieting and things like it just became silent. Aha moment for me. Like this. This is how you do this. You stop it. I didn't I wasn't thinking suicide. I was just thinking needed stop. I think is just directing the pain somewhere else. I think it's just your your brains way of like as it still paying just gonna be different pain in his focus on one spot. I think it's really a survival method. Mike dot also had been in a relationship like soon after him my mom sled up. He moved with a woman who had two children who were older a lot older than I was they were teenagers. Step other. He would have been sixteen in over Houston. Last me. I know that it happened. I should accept that it happened. I don't necessarily need to remember the never wanted to get past that memory block. And remember the exact details of what happened because I don't know if those would be helpful of healing. Sitting my bedroom. I had an impulse to go take some pills at the time. I think I wanted to die, and I got up, and I took a handful of pills, and I went back in my bedroom. And I sat there for a little bit. And I just kinda I don't think enough in. So I went back in I took more it's a little hazy. How many like I took each time? But I remember taking handfuls handles each time. That are go out there by parents, just like you what do you do the like just getting drunk mom? Are you know? I just have a headache. Some that have talent that has some talent. I just do that by not wake up, but I was okay with that. I woke up and I was delirious. And I remember I just remembered puked like all front of my mum's door. I think I was trying to bang on door to tolerance throwing up. Could get the words out. The next thing remembers puking on my shoes in the in the car on the way to the hospital in my mom calling. My dad just the only words was your daughter overdose. Your daughter tried to kill herself get hospital. It's all just fuzzy on the next leg. I think I was in the hospital for a couple of days. I was seriously seriously depressed during high school. Start at the top of the hell, my moons which just spiraled down as in the snowball, which just get bigger and bigger and bigger it will get to play where I knew to tell my mom like look if we don't do anything today. I can't promise you in two hours or five minutes or control myself getting to the point where I can't physically control myself doing something you did something. My mom's very stoic. And she wouldn't I don't remember her that she was upset disappointed me. I just member her being worried. No being a mom. I started really being paranoid at first. It was just thinking that everybody was talking about me. And I could hear the talking about me they weren't. But I would be on the bus. I would just just hear them. I think that everybody was looking at me, you know, what from being just sad all the time and being depressed being angsty angry to being something more than that. It was built from the time. I started puberty. So it was a build up of in and out of hospitals as a as a teenager in through my high school years. I think it was all just gradual them. I can't remember like I said, I can't remember what happened. I just moved out with a boyfriend I moved in with this boyfriend after two weeks of knowing him. It was the first time I ever lived away from my mom's house or my parents house. So I just moved in with him like at that period. When I lived at this boyfriend tonight split up with them in all of that night. I was in the hospital deci cottage break happened within then it came out of nowhere. I it went from being side. Big crazy like it was more than just being sad. It was it turned into paranoia of people talking about me behind my back in I lived in my own apartment. So like these. These dots manifested in NFL grew. Today's episode of this is actually happening is brought to you by ancestry. Have you ever wondered where your family comes from? 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That's ancestry dot com slash happening. For twenty percent off your ancestry DNA kit, ancestry dot com slash happening. Today's episode of this is actually happening is brought to you by Robin Hood, Robin Hood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks ETF's options cryptos all commission free. While other brokerages charged up to ten dollars for every trade. Robinhood doesn't charge any commission fees. So you can trade stocks and keep all of your prophets. Plus, there's no account minimum deposit needed to get started. So you can start investing at any level. The simple intuitive design of robinhood makes investing easy for newcomers and experts alike view, easy to understand charts and market data and place a trade in just four taps on your smartphone. You can also view stop collections such as one hundred most popular with Robin Hood, you can learn how to invest in the market as you build your portfolio. Discover new stocks track your favorite companies and get custom notifications for price movements. So you never miss the right moment. To invest robinhood is giving listeners to this is actually happening of free stock like apple Ford or sprint help you. Build your portfolio. Sign up at actually dot robinhood dot com, that's actually thought rubbing hood dot com. I can't remember specific night of it happening. I went into the hospital. I don't remember why went into the hospital, and then I was released from the hospital. I don't remember if if I had overdose store if I had I had attempted suicide or I don't know how long I was there for like this this part is so fuzzy to that point is really the beginning point is so unclear that was like the beginning of the two the couple of years that this was going on enough four. I worked in a factory. I had always had earplugs at I was always solitude. Like, I was like it was so loud in there that I couldn't hear anything. I was able to go to work knows able to function as able to portray myself in public. But I know as soon as I came home, you know, I I had posters on my wall on a head to take all the pictures down. His somebody printed a camera into the picture and somebody was watching me just to make fun of MIR judge me or whatever it was. That's when I started to hear voices as well. It was somebody else's thoughts and somebody else's voices inside my own head. I was hearing. And I remember that being the most terrifying part of it was these voices starting inside my head. And like, I I think I had always kinda heard them every here and there 'cause that's big. It was the same tone of voice that would tell me to hurt. My like like when I I cut myself when I was twelve thirteen years old. I think it was that same came from that same place. There was other symptoms as well is started off as paranoia. And then, you know, added the the auditory hallucinations, and that after that added I Don I kept seeing I thought I had ghost. But it. It was like I thought there was a woman in my closet, and I always thought there was like woman in my. 'cause I I'd stop slipping my bedroom at that point because I wouldn't even go into my bedroom. 'cause I thought there was a woman in my closet. Really scared me. It wasn't this associated density disorder, but I would disassociate so much for my own self that these other personalities would pop up I stopped going to work I stopped going out with my friends. I was very heavy cutter. You know, this was something. I heavily leaned on. I went particularly call it as as I would coping mechanism for myself. Like, I was lonely years something like that. I just I was looking for something. And, you know, this is when online dating started becoming, you know, something that people used often. So I I started like I made a profile on plenty of fish. I go as and suddenly I got this attention, and I never really got that type of attention before like as a teenager. I express myself like I was strictly lesbian, and I use that word as a shield of armor instead of an actual description of who I was kept people away from me. I I never had a boyfriend before. So I started online dating. And then I started getting all this attention from men that I never ever knew I could get. I just got this flood of attention this like little loophole that like allowed me to escape a little bit from what was going inside my head this person that just came out just some sort of vixen, and I started flirting a lot with men at work. And then, you know, online everything at all just kind of happened at once because I- Dovan pretty head. I I would always have a handful of men or women that I was talking to at any given time. I would always make sure that when I got home from work. There was somebody like I would have a meeting with somebody. And usually everybody in the party new like each person knew exactly what the intention Lesin. It was to get to know each other wasn't to vote for dinner. It was to have sex. It was the act that I was looking for. It was the only time that I felt something other than out of from troll. It was the only time that I felt I was in control. When I was sleeping with people. That's when I started like, not cutting myself as much I thought of it as a superpower. I would have somebody that I would come home to if you know that counter ended fairly early usually have another one before bad sometimes in the morning in sometimes during that work. There was times where I was sleeping up to Keno four different people a day. It wasn't as easy to have that much control. When I was with a woman because there was always more emotions involved with where I didn't want the emotions I didn't want anything touched to it. So I found it a lot easier to be with men the men that I seem to attract where you know, easier to manipulate. Ninety five percent of the time. Like, it was men that like it was on one night thing. And I would never see them again. But there was there was a couple where like we had a mutual understanding that it was just about sex because either they were married or whatever the case may be then there is like the select few where like I actually like, you know, there is one in particular that I remember he was just as out of control as I was and we found this like this mutual respect in between crazies like he was somebody that I wanted to build a relationship with. But I was unable to because I wasn't I couldn't stop my behavior. But I was I did feel something more than just wanting to manipulate him. I don't remember how many people I can't cannot give you an exact number. But I know that it was maybe like between six hundred at least one person a day could've thing. Give or take probably be up there. It was such an escape for me that like it just I wasn't fully connected to reality enough to remember the situation. Remember every single one. As time progressed. I know that that became not enough that it started becoming redundant in feeling like it was escape that it was more. You know, like, I know that it started being where like I could hear things that I would see things while the act was happening out have to stop people like. I like kick them out or, you know, leave the situation whatever it was. So like, the actual acts had to become a lot more aggressive in a lot more. That's when I really I did, you know get into Bedia Sam. You know, somebody along the way Mr. introduced me to start experimenting with a receiving pain. Gave me peace in cleared my mind and brought me back down to reality. Instead of this like disassociation when I had Saxon centered me. Over the years. Like, you know, it was something that I came back to it was hard for me to accept about myself than understand it in everything I knew nothing about the community. Nothing Bedia Sam I put myself in situations that shouldn't of put myself in because I didn't know any better. Islet allow these men to come to buy house where I lived, and I would give them an open door to do whatever they wanted to do to me I would open that door, but I wouldn't set boundaries. I wouldn't talk to them about it. I asked him what we're gonna do. I or anything like that. I would just tell them to stop. They wouldn't. I didn't know it to be rape. But that's what it was. I thought it was you know, me it was just the price. I had to pay in order to feel that feeling that I was looking for. When I said, no, it didn't matter sometimes when it hurt too much, and I was past my threshold of pain, and I said, no, please stop or used a safer it if they if if there was a safe word it didn't end dot caused trauma instead of causing piece. I would become somebody else or another part of me would take over. I would disassociate I would turn into another person. Usually it was a child almost and like I would either turn into like a child almost and like I would completely just like I would revert back to being this this little girl that like that. I think it was just a physical representation of my vulnerability point or I would I would hurt into a total bitch. And I could fight a gang kind of personality. I don't know. Via this other part would kind of like fade into each other as I was coming out of it. And like we would like pass each other on the street in my mind, kind of like understand that this thing was there for me. And then I come like I pass it and then like outcome to graduate like really slowly kind of me. I would come back, and I'd be very very confused. Very very tired is like every time that this happened. I've been very confused and very tired after. It wasn't a secret that type of girl. I was this specially at work just because everybody talks. I I know that I was labeled what I was labeled as it was, you know, a slot to are easy, or whatever it may be. There was a specific incident. Remember that you know, somebody that I didn't know who he was like I saw him around just because we worked the same shift or whatever. But I never actually knew we was in. He had just come behind me and grabbed me in push me against the wall thing, I actually defended myself and walked away by like, I think he knew I wasn't. He thought that that was appropriate. Just because of the rumors of who I was. I had quit shortly after that. I never reported it or anything. Boyfriend that I had he found out that I was still sleeping with other people and him and I ended up breaking up and he stalked me for a while. He threatened me a couple of times and stuff like that. I had to get the police involved. Are remember because I was worried that he was going to kill me. In canada. We have something called the Canadian mental Health Association. I had a therapist sue them. That would come. Visit me at home. He was the first any doctor any therapist. I ever saw that. I really had a connection to that can really talk to. She was my caregiver during this entire period. He admitted into the hospital when everything kind of got to like the pivotal moment. Add absolutely, no control. I got a diagnosis of temporary psychosis. I think it was the time in the hospital that I notice like bipolar disorder. Well, I started a different kind of medication wasn't just, you know, medication for depression or anything anymore. Like, you know, they decided to put me on any psychotic send mood stabilisers in the medication that essentially should have been taking this entire time. Finally started taking it in. So the medication eventually like solely take. Away. Those the really overbearing thoughts like that. I know that what I sought help for was more the darker symptoms that I had with like, the hallucinating and paranoia in disassociating all of that. That's what I thought health for the sleeping with people. I think was something that I didn't see as a problem or issue or anything wrong with that. Because the benefit was the good thing about it. A lot of my psychotic symptoms had gone away. But not completely. There are still times especially in times of stress where I was overwhelmed that especially the the disassociate of moments happened. There's that would make me go even more crazy that would make me like on a medication that like it just kind of like really made me lose it. You know, I was walking down the street in the middle of like I live in southern Ontario. Like it gets cold who earned. I was walking on the street in bare feet in just like didn't process to me that like this is a good that I know that I was on the that was because of certain medication because as soon as I got off at medication like, it was kind of an up down of of cocktail in that I got to like a level of like, my psych Hottick symptoms were manageable. Were you know, I were more. Dissipating? And this is when route right around the same time that I had met my son's father. We met online. I think I had an account that I know I wasn't sleeping around as much just like due to my libido going down. And having those medications, I was a main part of it. But I I started talking to him, and we actually went out on dates, and you know, I actually wanted to build a relationship with him. He was significantly older than Islas. He was a figure that I looked up to and that I saw somebody to to protect me we dated for about nine months and then decided to move in with each other. I got pregnant that night that I moved in with him. As soon as I the shock initial like there's a plus I like wore off. There was never thought if I was gonna have the baby or not it was how am I going to do this? Just think sparks was ignited. A chemical was released that I never had before something happened in that moment in that night. In those little that little time period. Somebody turned on a light switch in a really dark room in my in my head that I that I never seen before. I remember this ultimate shift happening within myself slowly over like, the it's like he grew in like, I just I came back down to earth. And I found this like sense of purpose within myself that I never on mind. Like, I just felt like I never owned a my entire life. And I finally had this reason to live in to survive into fight. It wasn't about me anymore. It wasn't my life anymore that you know, I owed everything to human that. I had created. There's a reason why we're here. And the reason why I never, you know, none of my suicide attempts really met through. None of like, I never actually like jumped off that bridge or whatever it may be was I you know, I had failed my purpose yet. My purpose was yet to come. And like suddenly that was my purpose. And so I found it. And that's why changed us why everything changed because of him. We tried to be a family. You know, it just wasn't working. We were I'm not for each other. And it was a you know, we were unhealthy or anything like that. It was just at the end of the day. There reason why we were together was to bring this little person into this world, and it wasn't to be together. And so we realized that we tried to do like, family counseling and all of that. It was about a year a little bit under year after my son was born that we finally decided to split up officially. I started seeing a psychoanalyst, and he helped me heal lot from everything that I gone through and make sense of it. All. I still struggle with like, you know, bipolar disorder. I have I haven't had a psychotic symptom in five years now. For me. Everybody has their own experience. I know what I experience I know what I went through. And I know what I still carry with me from that time in from my life in how it affected me. After had my son on started their appeal and everything like why we started realizing like, you know, this isn't working and everything I didn't know if it was because I truly wasn't in love with this person in. It's really didn't wanna be with this person. Or I wouldn't justify the fact that like, you know, I simply can just say, no. And I simply can just not want to be with this person live my own life without worry. And know that I'm making the right decision for myself. And that's how I learned to trust my emotions again. After a year. So like, I met my now fiance and he's. The second best thing that ever happened to me. He has a daughter. So I have a stepdaughter. We have one on the way now. So. Feel like I have everything I want this world. And I'm I haven't had a true. I haven't had a symptom in three years now before year's going for years now. I definitely have PTSD from its. I have fear an underlying fear every single day. Am I going crazy? I don't even know it like that is 'cause I didn't know I was going crazy. This was like when that was happening. It was normal. Like, this was just like I thought this was completely normal behavior. I didn't know these things were happening to me. I didn't realize that like is things that were doing the things that I was saying were so so extreme. So I have this fear now going crazy not knowing that I'm going crazy. I I have to have like my my fiance's great at a like he's good at bringing me back down to earth. When I need to be brought back to earth. Like, he's just like a he's the lighthouse on the middle of the storm. If it if it gets too much for me, I know if I find him that I'm going to be okay. Or, you know, if I look at my son, I'm gonna be okay in here is fine. I'm able to understand my dad and have a healing with my dad. No, you know, my dad still the same person. He's never changed. He's probably gotten worse like, but I'm able to still maintain a relationship a healthy relationship with him. Now. I always tell people, you know, if I had to go back, and I had to do it all over again. But I still get the same results every single time. I would one hundred percent. I would I would always I would do it over and over and over again because it really shaped who I am. And the way I see world in the way, I see people as a whole humanity as a whole like I have a haven't understanding now. Like, I just I can empathize. A lot more with people. I don't think I would be the mother that. I am now. I don't think I would be the friend that I am now. I don't think I would be the wife that I'm going to be a made me who I am. And I'm proud of who I. This is actually happening is brought to you by knee witness, align if you love what we do you can join the community on our official Instagram page at actually happening. You can also rate and review the show on itunes, which helps tremendously to boost visibility to a larger community of listeners. And if you want to help sustain the show for the coming years, you can contribute a small monthly donation throughout patriot page at patriotair dot com slash happening. Thank you for listening until next time. Stay tuned.

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Ep 134: The Purple Glove

Court Junkie

49:12 min | 9 months ago

Ep 134: The Purple Glove

"A thick plume of smoke was coming out of valley pawnbrokers in whitewell tennessee around five pm on may seventeenth two thousand sixteen volunteer firefighter chief todd brown and his crew loaded up their fire engine and were on the scene within three minutes of receiving the call. We're arrived. there was a gray and brown. Smoke coming out the Not a lot of smoke but it was noticeable. Chief brown felt he'd coming from the building but didn't see flames. The fire fighters managed to open the front doors which were locked and go inside. Flying was contained to just the corner area behind the counter. Route around in the safe area. What alcala alpha's area. Where the desk and all that where it was contained to firefighters work to extinguish the flames in the corner area of the building but smoke was filling the pawn shop and so they had to get out. They went around the building to try to get better ventilation at that time we will get the bike no world when we went ahead and took the rest of the glass out the front windows then laid to smoke. When my house went back in my found the body they came out got me. I went in verified that there was a victim and that point. I had everybody clear out on chief. Brown immediately called law enforcement when he saw there was a deceased person. Inside the pawnshop tennessee. State fire marshall's special agent. Daniel foster arrived on scene to investigate with his canine partner. Leo leo change in behavior in several areas in the sing in several areas particularly though focused around the body. And what was his behavior around the change of behavior for. Leo is that once. He has attended behavioral woods. Is he will sit that. Lets me know that. He's in qom and once he does that. I'll ask him to show me. Because i wanted to be a little more specific about where he is telling me. There's some evidence from to lead and he will Kind of alert with his snout by pointing or dividends headley's in the area that i should take my sample from canine. Leo was indicating for the presence. Of possible accelerates around the location of the body. This fire was not an accident. It was arson. Investigators used crime-scene type to set up a perimeter around the while crews shut down highway twenty eight tennessee bureau of investigation or tbi special agent. Kenneth mark wilson conducted a preliminary walk through around six forty five. Pm wall inside the business. Crime scene video Notice large amounts of what appeared to be blood on the On the filing cabinet panda around and observe reporter appeared also to be blood on the store counter a receipt move at that point in time decided to continue the crossing process and backout call professional hail from our volume crop for spas agent wilson determined that the victim was the store's owner seventy two year old cherry ridge as he conducted his walk through. The store was packed with different items for sale but most of the items although covered in soot were untouched by the fire. The burnt area was primarily contained to the area directly around the body. Tbi i sent six members of the violent crimes team to take a closer look at the damage next to a knocked over trash. Ken was an that immediately caught. Tbi special agent. Laura hodges i. There are a pair of purple latex gloves and it appears to have a rbs what we call wrench brownstein Or blood but we call it a reddish brownstein because it's not been tested to see if it is blood and that is what marker fifteen is marking would that purple glove lead to the identity of the killer. This is jillian and you are listening to court junkie episode one thirty four coloring your hair in the comfort of your own home. Sounds pretty great right about now. But if you're like me you're likely wondering how you would find the right color. And how much does it cost. Well medicine read makes coloring your hair at home affordable and they give you the tools you need to choose your perfect color. Medicine read takes coloring your hair at home to the next level and gives you beautiful professional hair colour delivered right to your door starting at just twenty two dollars. There used to be only two options for coloring. Your hair you could. 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They combine cutting edge insurance marketplace with help from licensed expert s- so that you can save time and money using policy genius is super easy. I go to policy genius dot com and in just minutes you can figure out how much coverage you need and compare quotes from top insurers to find your best price policy genius compare policies starting at as little as one dollar a day you might even be eligible to skip the in person medical exam then once you apply the policies team takes care of all the paperwork and red tape. So you don't have to. Polisena has earned a five star rating across over sixteen hundred reviews untrusted pilot and google. So if you need life insurance head on over to policy genius dot com right now to get started you could save fifty percent or more by comparing quotes policy genius when it comes to insurance. It's nice to get it right for hours. Investigators attempted to sift through soot and burnt items at the valley pawnshop. The electricity was out and due to the darkness of the night. The work was slow. Moving agent derby hutchinson and investigator on the ti. Violent crimes response team focused her efforts on the area around the victim's body that had been damaged by the fire all areas that we saw that things that were charred in the indifferent smoke patterns fired patterns are went back to him specifically above his head. There was a fluorescent light. It was heavily damaged by hate. We could see that the light fixtures either side of him more lasting from where he lying if when we look to the back of you say starting at the back of his head and moving around to the left there was a large saif a metal save that had invisible they pattern which is a smoke pattern in waking save that originated from him the started with him and worked. Its way out toward the site to use those. I wouldn't title it had Charring again that charring came from from the side of mystery just body was sitting very close to him to us. Right was a metal and wood. Composite kind of Like an office status mental mental days. The would talk. Had charring from the bottom up which is again from the area of the floor around mr ridge. The metal back day had been enabled which simply means it was tweets duke to heat exposure. You heat and those things came from the ground level from low again. From around his body agent hutchinson noted it would have taken a significant amount of heat to cause the twisting of the medal on the dusk. She also noted that jerry ridges body suffered third degree burns severely damaged from the found. His front side is there was not very much scanner. T she left on his face. Tore sound his legs however the back side of his body. Once we examined enroll him over he did still have fleshy tissue. There was some protective clothing. He was lying on and there was blood. This indicated to her that cherry had been burned on the front side of his body in hutchinson began to look for possible causes of the fire. That would have made it accidental. She didn't see anything on his body or in the immediate area surrounding it. She also had crews remove and electrical outlet from behind his desk. They determined there was no electrical malfunction. By the way jerry's body was burned. It appeared to agent hutchinson that an accelerate could have been used canine. Leo's observations verified this theory based on your training and experience and your observations there at the same. Were you able to make a conclusion as to the nature of that far. Yes ma'am and what was that. We conclude that was intentionally set. Fire jerry ridge largely ran the valley pawnshop on his own and had for about ten years before the pawnshop. He worked as a mail carrier for the united states. Postal service for forty years. When word broke in the small town of whitworth that there was a fire at the shop. Jerry's friends and family worried about his well-being marion county. Sheriff's department initially told them a body was found in the fire. Friends worried that was likely jerry. Detective mat- blend said knew anyone in this small town could be a suspect as he walked. Through the pawnshop turned crime-scene he noticed what appeared to be a large amount of blood around filing cabinet. He followed the trail and saw blood smeared on the countertop. He took a closer look and saw a receipt book. The last received that appeared in the book is my to miss killed in the amount of four thousand dollars and that was the last state angeles vehicle and was significant to you. Felt that it was in the matter. The how the book was lying there with what appeared to be blood all over and that was the last receipt written and a large amount a receipt dated for that same day. For four thousand dollars worth of saddles was made out to a woman named angela. Kilgore agents collected dna swabs from the blood and the receipt book along with swabs from different areas throughout the store. They also dusted for fingerprints and looked for other items possible evidence but with the stores so packed with goods. It was hard to tell if anything was missing in. All one hundred items were submitted to the states. Crime lab in the small town of whitewell tennessee. Everyone knows everyone and everyone needing to fill up their car. Usually stops at the family owned raceway. That's why the chief of police asked store. Owner jimmy rogers to keep an eye out for angela kilgore around nine pm. She drove up in her red truck came in and and she walked over telegram october to me. And she said what's going to let the road which salute far where was of yet others parked pawnshop. What she's saying that she's really and i said yeah i i think he may be in it. And she said she's really and she's she's allergies up there. And i said i know angeles said she had been in the pawnshop earlier that day she told jimmy she was there for about an hour to buy a few things she even invited him out to her truck to show him. Hurry seat once he saw the receipt. He told her he needed to step away to figure out what was going on when he did. He called the town's chief of police. There's a lot bacterial bacteria than and i got here. I said do you wanna talk. Do you won't come up there or do you come down to the store and i tell you like kinda going on. And then he said he said what. I said the bread truck. She's standing in front of me. What do you do. And he said she's there. And i said and he said blow off and he's in they're still working on evidence and stuff so we don't need to talk to you right now and i said okay. So she left yeah. I told her that mistake or our. They've thought they needed to talk to and they may not right now. Whatever but i told her you know. They've wound up on the last ones there which led are telling me that you're jimmy was confused by the chief telling him to blow her off but nonetheless she left and he carried on about his business two hours later. She came back this time. She went straight into the bathroom. She had advantage of head finger. We can say fresher while begging seem but he's through our tangent which you jimmy called the police again and this time they came to the gas station about twenty minutes later. Angela came out of the bathroom and spoke with the officers. Always spoke with this Kilborn astor through to shoot. Speak with us concerning this investigation and asked her to come down to the will police department and she did did she. Did she drove wrong vehicle. That right that's true. Angela agreed to go to the police station for questioning. Officers noticed she had slash on her left hand and blood coming out of a bandage on her right hand but she was cooperative. And without any evidence tying her to the crime she free to go. When the violent crimes response team got back to the lab. They began processing the items taken from the shop. Among the items was a knife that had a fingerprint on it the fingerprint was entered into a national database. Investigators instantly got a hit a man with a long criminal. History who lived nearby was a match to the knife in the pawnshop. Investigators now zeroed in on him as their possible suspect. Court records showed he was on probation and was brought in for questioning their first question for the man. Where was he at the time of the fire. The man's response with his probation officer. Investigators immediately called his probation officer steven collins to verify that claim was around about five o'clock and he show up at your location jets burrow. He did and what time is he supposed to be there for the postal originally be. They're probably early afternoon. Probably i don't know the exact time but i'd say probably two or so and that's five o'clock had been good state employees ready to go home definitely ready to go home and but you actually physically talk to that afternoon i did. The meeting. was in jacks borough tennessee about two and a half hours away from it. Well and jack sparrow is in eastern time so the meeting would have been at four. Pm central based on this timeline agent wilson determined that it would have been impossible for the man to have been at the pawnshop. At the time of the fire. Now agent wilson refocused his attention back on angela kilgore on may nineteen t watched as she drove around in her red. Chevy truck but missing from the back was a distinctive confederate flag license plate. He had noticed just two days prior and the most curious thing was a bag found in her truck loaded with fifteen firearms a check on her records revealed a prior conviction and one that prevented her from owning or possessing guns in two thousand four. Angela had been arrested for an attempted bank robbery. According to court records she had gone into a bank and demanded five hundred thousand dollars in cash. The bank's vice president apparently told her that they didn't have that kind of money available but offered twenty five thousand dollars and the rest via chuck if she filled out the necessary loan paperwork angelo went along with it records show and while she filled out her information. Police showed up to arrest her. Still without any forensic evidence back from the lab. The police were unable to connect her to this murder. They were able however to take her into custody for violating. The conditions of her past release for a federal crime months went by and no one was charged in jerry ridges death. The town of whitewell grew restless and wanted answers for this seemingly unexplained tragedy. The sheriff's office said they had zeroed in on one person of interest but wouldn't provide any names then in october. The grand jury impaneled in jerry. Ridges duff came back with their true bill. One count of first degree murder one count of felony murder one count of especially aggravated robbery. One count of employing a firearm during the commission of a dangerous felony one count of aggravated arson one count of theft and one count of unlawful possession of a firearm by fallon. The tennessee bureau of investigation said angela. Kilgore robbed the pawnshop killed its owner and set fire to the business in an attempt to cover up the crime. She entered a not guilty plea and maintained her innocence. 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Now is the time to upgrade to net speed by oracle the world's number one cloud business system net sweet gives you visibility and control over your financials. Hr inventory commerce and more everything you need all in one place instantaneously whether you're doing a million or hundreds of millions in revenue save time and money with net sweet joined the over twenty two thousand companies using net sweet right now let nuts sweet show you how they'll benefit your business with the free product tour at net sweet dot com slash court schedule. Your free product. Were right now at netscape dot com slash court. That's net sweet dot com slash court in august two thousand eighteen angela kilgore went to trial. Prosecutors told the jury that jerry ridge obviously wouldn't be there to testify but he would be communicating to them through dna found at the crime scene weapons clothing and a purple glove angeles defense reminded the jury that she's innocent until proven guilty assistant public defender norm lipton said there's two sides to every coin and there are two sides to this coin. There was a fire indisputable. Mr bridge is to seize in this beautiful. When miss kilgore left the premises day it was alive and wealth. There's a lot of talk about. Dna evidence and stuff like that or there will be. We'd acid you wait till the end of the case because you'll find that dna and be confusing and just because of dna doesn't necessarily mean my client to the crime. Lipton said he would provide explanations for the dna and urged them to pay attention to the unusual things that occurred during the investigation. But the bottom line. According to lipton. Jerry ridge was alive and well when angela left shop. This seat called caldwell resident and retired occupational health nurse. Dale watts to the stand. Dale said she was in the store in the afternoon on may seventeen to make a payment on behalf of her grandson while there. She recognized angela but dale noticed. Angelo was wearing something unusual purple gloves. Say yes and they appeared debate that were because it was what i used in my clinic. I appear don't view as a nurse. Yes that was unusual. Yes yes talent. She told me that she had in her hands. The doctor had given her some medicine and tell her the where the gloves over it. Did you ever heard of that treatment for the defense objected to dale watts assessment. That having gloves on her hands was not a treatment for poison oak. Dale explained that from her work as a nurse she knew poison oak should be dried out to heal. Having gloves on would keep it moist. Dale's grandson was interested in a dog. Angela's red truck so they went out to look at it. Dale and her grandson left around three thirty pm. Angela was still there uncrossed. The defense asked if anything seemed unusual while they were in the store question talked about the clubs in front of yes during the entire time. Any mr seen fearful of said or anything like that no normal everyday conversation. Yes and when you have to the puppies anything appeared usual then out shoot appeared nervous or anything like that. Now show the dog to your grandson from you. Yes the defense maintained. Angela never showed any signs of someone who had committed an arson and murder. Not before the time of the fire and not after while she was in the gas station convenience store she even comes back to the store later that day or lead to our roughly box hour and a half hour. Yeah calm demeanor just a normal everyday angela. Kilgore the you call fellow. Maybe the police. They called back. Okay said they were that. They had enough evidence that they were looking. They're looking for okay so at nine o'clock they didn't have the evidence but then later they are they're still gathering data and they said yes. I want to talk to her obsession. So you made the phone call to rod. And she did run. She was in nevada after. Angela left to go to the police station. Detectives asked jimmy rogers to look in the bathroom to see if he can find keys. Did david shape was married to one of jerry. Ridge's daughters twenty five years after the fire. He helped go through the business to try to sort out the mass. You're going through. This is that you have inside badly basically nod and as you bet business times past the sh. Are you familiar with your father loss. Would you normally have caching proxy. How much cash he would Normally half somewhere between five and ten thousand dollars In a safe there in the in the shop just to do business. We'd have forensic pathologist. Dr thomas deering performed jerry's autopsy doctor during said jerry's body was so badly burned. Some of his skin was gone and bone was damaged. He x-ray jerry and determined that he was shot in his right arm but another bullet appeared on the x ray. Investigators believe in unrelated stray bullet made its way into the body bag. Jerry had a knife wound in his. Knock and dr during said he was stabbed in his jugular vein. This was a fatal wound and dr during ruled his death a homicide. Jerry's body had normal. Co two levels and did not have any soot in his lungs. Dr deering determined. He was deceased before he was burned. When detectives questioned angela they noticed her boots had red stains on them. She was wearing those same boots when she was arrested. A test revealed the blood was jerry's a shirt found in the front seat of her car. Had a mixture of her blood and jerry's and in a bag in the truck were fifteen firearms estimated to be worth more than four thousand dollars spoke. Investigators compared the firearms to the logbook at the pawn shop. And determined they were all from pawnbrokers. Three of the guns had a suspicious red stein on them. A lab report determined. There was a mixture of angela's dna and jerry's dna on the guns. None of the weapons were a match to the bullet recovered from jerry's body. However and a gunshot residue test conducted on. Angela was negative on cross. The defense asked the lead investigator. About how the gun matching that bullet was never recovered at some point in time did you receive information about st- another gun in the pond. Shot that you sent to the prime. We've seen information from the forensic science us. Laura hodge concerning and also from the top bullet that was recovered from the victim after the examination was conducted by the forensic scientists. We were notified that it was a the the bullet matchday twenty calvert and young and we did submit another twenty five caliber handgun to laugh together from mr sharpe allowed to refer to my knowledge Decided was collected. For mr shaw boehner about the twenty nine th of august two thousand sixteen and with that. That was recovered from the pawnshop correctly. You aware that there were weapons. Found van outside the pawnshop. Yes sir can you describe weapon for the jury. Can't no sir. They found that night. I didn't bottom though certain. Law enforcement found incorrect on do they were weapons inside the vehicle i've heard out of we did not collect those to know. What kind of ed. Your recalled when angela was booked into jail. She removed all of the items in her pocket. She had a carbon copy of the receipt from the pawnshop along with to pocket knives. One was a case style folding knife that had both angela's and jerry's dna on it the other had a longer switchblade when you got it. Got it from her. Did you think that was the murder. Weapon initially sir. Who did you think the case with the mortar. Not initially melting and lock play button. Nive came back from forensic forensic saying they didn't have anything correct on the night but it's correct then the catch five about from forensics with stuff on i say stuff further speaking and came back with Blood bloodstains and other things correct. Yes sir. I came back with mr. bridges dna on it as well as as kilgore's fondue recall. Okay and then you realize that maybe that was the murder soleus. The state continue to enter into evidence. More items they say. Conclusively linked angela to the arson and murder. A can of zippo lighter. Fluid was found at the pawnshop with red stains on it the crime lab processed the cannon found jerry's. Dna was on the top and back of it. Angela was a major contributor as well. One of the stains was a mixture for both of their. Dna's agents secured a search warrant for angeles home. After her arrest and found saddles stacked up. They also found another similar. Can of zippo lighter. Fluid remember the purple glove. I mentioned earlier in this episode. The crime lab confirmed the blood covering it belonged to jerry. There were so many other types of fluids on the glove. The lab was unable to determine if angela's dna was mixed in with it but analysts swabbed the inside of the glove where there was no blood this time. There was a match to dna consistent with angela. Members of the jury saw the glove in crime scene photos photos taken later that day appeared to show more gloves at the scene. The defense made sure to point out this oddity. Tbi special agents denied those gloves were. There's claiming it went against protocol to leave gloves at the crime scene. Prosecutors however said it was consistent with the state. Fire marshall's procedures and asked marshall daniel foster if he left the gloves behind when you all collect a sample view photograph where you've collected it at leaving lots next to that point location. Generally we do what is the. What is the reason for that. That is to show that you didn't cross contaminate from wine to the other so you try to leave your gloves at each area that you took sample and that that's for your purposes so lots laughed around that c would have been where you you left your gloves where you click degree. Desperate on the defense tried to point out more inconsistencies with the investigation. Canine leo indicated for the presence of accelerates but was unable to say exactly how long the sent had been there. I'm different pairs of gloves to leave at the crime scene. I do not recall. But i know that we collected those three samples in the can so i would say at least that amount from me and then the Zippo lighter so i would say lease a eight club. Four pair have an idea where they are. Today don't have documents. How many of drop loves for their correct noser. The state then rested their case and the jury went on recess angela briefly took to the witness stand and expressed. She did not wish to testify in her defense. The jury was brought back in and the defense called their first witness. Agent wilson agent wilson was recalled to the stand by the defense to ask about the search of angela's garage after her arrest. He explained that the saddles found. Were not taken into evidence. He also found a box of latex gloves and syringes of the correct for the prosecution. Defense entered into evidence of photo taken by. Investigators said appear to show a box full of blue gloves and angela's garage. The state declined to cross. Examine the defense next called a wit well resident. Who was driving by the pawnshop shop around the time of the fire ronald english alrea backed up to the door. The door was closed. And that's all english said. He noticed the red pickup truck was a chevy. He's had three chevys himself. Can you tell us you have an idea as to what. Pipe year paul. That trump was approximately an older model. The say of five somewhere in that area with the rounded front nonni with the large size ticket angeles truck was a newer models. Chevy lipton showed english a photo of it. English said the truck he saw was similar but was an older model. English told the sheriff saw after fire. Prosecutors pointed out that english was driving about forty miles per hour. Only had a quick look as he passed. pawn shop. the defenses final witness was randy. Mosier the jury that he didn't wanna be there. Moser said he knew jerry ridge and had gone to school with angela kilgore on may seventeenth around one fifteen pm. He went to the shop and left about thirty minutes. Later you saw and you kilgore what happened next. We'll see in a red pull you and back up to the front door And angie come in and Is through why you have gloves. Oh and she said she had posed an going. I ns and what color will gloves wants us. Most your said angela was wearing blue gloves not purple ones. He said angela. And jerry seemed fine. Not anxious or uncomfortable. The defense rested in the court proceeded to closing arguments assistant district attorney sherri shelton said that while jerry ridge couldn't be in court to tell the jury exactly what happened. The witnesses and evidence told that story for several things to consider about premeditation. Think about the location of the to his body. There's a reason for the saying go for somebody's jugular. They were really going for the jugular with that. That's exactly what she did. She severed his jugular. She shot him struck him in the right arm causing him reaching a a very significant injury. As dr. during told you. We don't know which one came first amiss. Kilgore wasn't sure the first one did the job so she took additional stay at home to finish him off and beyond that is he lay their bleeding. Dying asked away she said about the business of setting the fire setting the business on fire setting his body on fire left the bloody glove. They because she never thought anybody would find it. Our intent was to burn the business up so that wasn't going to be a problem. Thank goodness the fire. Department was brought down the road and the officers were able to respond so that we have that evidence. We have that proof and we have that art of the story. To present in the defense's closing arguments attorney norm lipton said. There are a lot of things that just don't make sense. In this case what he called oddities lipton said. These oddities prevent the state from reaching their burden of proof beyond a reasonable doubt. The didn't call the violent crime response team for about four hours. Their name violent crimes on team. They're the ones who should have been called but it wasn't done who knows what happened in that. Crime scene before them firefighters win now. They're doing their job. They're not thinking about protecting a crime scene. They're concerned about putting out a fire as they should be. Okay they have the tracking stuff on their feeding on their heads. they're not thinking about protected. Feinstein and rightly so but nevertheless they still have to bring in dna evidence dna evidence their own dna other people's dna they're tracking stuff in lipton said the water they sprayed to put out the fire could have tampered with the crime scene. Among other oddities lipton pointed out. No one was keeping track of personal protective equipment. Left behind a witness said he saw angelo wearing a blue glove not a purple one and angeles. Dna was missing from items taken during the search warrant of her home and if angela was in fact guilty he asked. Why didn't she run for the hills. After the first police interview you saw the pictures. It's a big red truck. Where are you hiding with. A big rig trucker. Did she hide. She got arrested. Foster falls forty minutes away. How much did she why she high. Who is she hiding from. She cooperated voluntarily. Will police department. This offer them. You heard darren. Rogers nothing unusual about harshest talk following. Her police. acting awful heard mr mosier. She was an acting normal in the store her. Jerry wage. The fire pawnshop shoot run student. Say oh they're asked to make go ahead. Police lipton also pointed out the only fingerprint found at the crime scene was on a knife belonging to a convicted criminal but on rebuttal assistant district attorney steve strain said. The knife didn't have any blood or dna. And this suggests sparingly. That's the person we should prosecute. Think about a hurry asking. Good people of mary having somebody of murder when they stay probation officer testifies under at the time the homicide he was with me two and a half hours away prosecutors strain said the defense was trying to distract them. From all the dna evidence linking the crime to their client. He said there's nothing confusing about the evidence down. Prove in trauma resumption of innocence. We end this trial with prove beyond a reasonable doubt at this defendant. Haitian killed them. In the course of a robbery that she robbed especially. I've made a robbery. Jesus killed. She burned his business. Hi angela kilgore we ask you. The the jury was sent out to deliberate after. Just forty five minutes. They returned with their verdict in regard to count one. I remember we. The jury thing guilty of first degree premeditated murder on count two we. The jury found guilty of first degree felony murder. Count three we. The jury find the defendant guilty of especially aggravated robbery count full. I'm sorry. Count bob we detroit by the defendant guilty of aggravated arson. Count six we. The jury found guilty of theft of property that twenty five hundred dollars or more but less than ten thousand angela kilgore was automatically sentenced to life in prison for first degree murder based on tennessee law. She's eligible for parole after fifty one years for experts in the law and crime trial network. The verdict was no surprise. What they were confused by was why the case went to trial to begin. With without jerry ridge the valley pawnbrokers was boarded up and the doors closed for good. And that's all for today's episode. As always i'd love to hear your thoughts on this case. Do you think it was an open and shut case or do you think angela put on a good defense. Let me know by joining the conversation on instagram. at court. Junkie by tweeting me at court junkie pod or by emailing me at podcast at court. Junkie dot com. This episode was researched and written by jennifer tint ner from the law and crime trial network. You can follow jennifer on twitter at jennifer tint ner if you'd like to hear these episodes without the ads or to check out additional court junkie bonus episodes go to court junkie dot com slash support which will redirect you to my patriot. Page and don't forget to follow me on youtube at youtube dot com slash court chunky percent behind the scenes videos and stories. Thanks again for listening until next time. Let's face it in today's uncertain times. Simple conversations about your health can have powerful results. There's something you are likely eating. Everyday it can negatively affect your waistline complexion and overall health on the doctor country. Podcast stephen country a renowned cardiothoracic surgeon and new york times bestselling author cuts through the bs. to help. you make better health choices. You have the ability to heal yourself if you give yourself the right ingredients. Do dr country has spent the last twenty years empowering people around the world to help reverse and prevent some of our most serious ailments through the power of diet and lifestyle changes. You will change ninety percent of you. You will be a brand new tune into the doctor. Country podcast start your health journey. Listen on apple podcasts. Spotify amazon music and anywhere. You get your podcasts. Because i'm dr country and i'm always looking out for you.

angela whitewell angela kilgore jerry four thousand dollars Angela jerry ridge tennessee bureau of investigat tennessee hutchinson Leo Kilgore Chief brown Daniel foster Leo leo Kenneth mark wilson seventy two year Laura hodges twenty two dollars Madison dash reed
EXCLUSIVE: Blake Horstmann Interview, Part 2

Bachelor Happy Hour with Rachel & Ali – The Official Bachelor Podcast

50:28 min | 1 year ago

EXCLUSIVE: Blake Horstmann Interview, Part 2

"Hey guys welcome back to bachelor. Happy Hour Alley and I'm here with Rachel. Hey Hey so we we are the first half of our interview with Blake in our last podcast but it was there was so much to talk about. We could not fit it into one podcast. Yeah it was really a big one. It was really in depth but we had more questions than we know. You guys probably too so we really wanted to explore that. We thank you so much for tuning in but we have more today we we have our part two of our exclusive interview with Blake and I'm just so appreciative because blake literally flew all the way to La from Denver just to talk just us to talk to us. Nobody else. This is a completely exclusive interview. You're not GonNa hear from Blake on any other podcast just right here on Bachelor happy hour and I know cajole and we both know especially from last week like this is not easy for him. No not at all and and to piggyback on that Blake's out the only one who flew out here I flew out here. Yeah could all be here together. I but I WANNA blake to be as comfortable as possible and talking to us and I I want him to see that we were here for him and that we were just trying to understand his side of the story and so I'm happy to be here truly excited to talk to him and I know you are to alley so right after this. We're going to have part two of our interview with Blake. So you guys don't go anywhere rage. I gotta say we live in such an amazing time right now. allie seriously. I couldn't agree with you more. We can even unlock our phones by just looking at them and just the other day. I was ordering diapers for my son. Riley just by talking into a speaker in my living room I mean that's kind of insane. It is the one thing that hasn't changed is coloring our hair. I know right our options have always been going to the salon and spending a ton of time time and money there or you know going to the store and grabbing one of those box kits at the drug store now. There's a new way for you to do it. You can do it with Madison Reed and and I have to tell you allie it took a strong woman to shake up the hair coloring rural and you know how I like strong women and you absolutely I love amy era. I mean she really changed things up with Madison Reed and what I love so much is that it's actually a company that she named after her daughter. Madison Reed gives you all the tools you need so you can color your hair with confidence. That's right you can get ammonia free. Multi tonal hair-color delivered to your door for less than twenty five dollars. Just visit is it Madison Dash Reed Dot Com. That's Madison Dash Reed Dot Com and guess what guys Basser happy. Our listeners get ten percent off plus free shipping on your first color kit. All you have to do is use the code bachelor. That's Code B. A. C. H. E. L. O. R. I think we're we want to start right. Now is with Kaelin and the reason being is that your description of your relationship with Ceylan is drastically different than her description of your relationship why I mean I think and I kind kind of talked about this and I think a lot of it has to do with some miscommunication some room miscommunication because I don't want to sit here and disregard her feelings because like if she felt she was really really into me but she just didn't communicate it and you know and I didn't communicate with her. That's obviously why maybe it seems like we had a different idea of what our relationship was. US because that's clearly something we should have done better because I had no idea. She was saying things that I I mean I had no idea she felt the way she did because of the things she was saying. I'm going to stop you right there because she obviously didn't feel that strongly about you because she was trying to be the Bachelorette. She was in conversations to be the Bachelorette so I know right now like you're a nice guy and I can tell that just by sitting here with you. I I mean you know. This podcast is just starting but we had the whole other one where we've talked to you for a while. Now you gotta be a little pissed right because she was trying to be the Bachelorette very openly to you about got it so. You're thinking you're not into me if you really that into me. Why would you be doing this so what happened. I don't know honestly I was angry. I I'm there's still a little anger in me. I don't I don't try and hold onto anger because it's not good for anybody but I was angry. Why all of a sudden you know she was saying one thing and then all of a sudden the second she got on camera. Suddenly it was something else and that's where my frustration comes with that. Whole ordeal is no she was saying people say you know when it goes so she's okay? She's fine with Jordan snood that doesn't she's not and I get that but at the same time like not not only was I supposed to read her mind but I was supposed to ignore what she was actually saying. I and then read her mind. You know it's like I. I just wish we had communicated more and I'm not you're right like she wanted to be. The bachelorette while we were talking and everything was fine leading right right up to paradise like if she was mad at me like she had three months to do it you know she had three months to say something and she didn't and so that's where my frustration comes from. I guess yeah when you Ooh when she confronted you on the beach. After she had gone around the beach should talked about you and all of that stuff and then she finally came and said something to you. You could see the shock on your face on my gosh you. You're not an actor Blake. You're not and the look on your face. It was like you you were floored and we talked about it on our podcast. We talked about right here on Bass are happy honoring talked about how you know you seem so shocked and things just didn't add up and I remember I was even saying from what she's saying to what she's doing. It just doesn't add up and we were all confused like how could they have such different versions of what happened from that conversation and then the text messages came right. I I mean we have to talk about it because it was an issue and I know you talked about it on the finale and I'll be honest watching the finale and having you watching you sit in the hot hotseat. It was tough. It was tough to watch so I can only imagine how hard it was for you sitting. There and I know you had to talk about this with seems like over and over again again and I think what I don't want to ask the same questions that Chris Harrison s we don't WanNa go there but one thing that was said from Kaelin and I've actually heard this too is that you were talking or considering about releasing these text messages from the moment you saw that episode air because it wasn't what you believe to be the truth and you consulted with people you talk to people even even the people who are actually involved. Caitlyn theirself and Dean set you talked to him as well. So what made you ultimately say you know what against what everybody else is saying because it seemed like everybody told you know you said yes. I'm going to release them yeah. So I think Ceylan use the repre- or she's a premium so yeah Kaylin you know she's word premeditated and premeditated just a fancy way of saying you know. I thought really hard about it because I did. I it was such a hard decision for me. I that night when I release those textures I really was. I was breathing into a paper back like it was incredibly difficult for me and a decision like that you do reach out for advice awesome especially advice for people who have been in situations like me in Bachelor nation and it a lot of people. They didn't uneven really say no don't do it. They were like if you do this. No what's the consequences that kind of thing. That's and I did reach out and some you know there. Were a few that were like you. You like the thing she saying like you have to it like I don't see any other choice and so when people say you know what is your was premeditated or whatever I it was such a hard decision for me. I wanted to reach out and I WANNA talk to other people and I wanted to see if anybody else had any other ideas. I want to see if there's any other avenue I could take and at the end of the day a as hard as it was. I felt like that was the only thing I could do to get truth my truth out there and because I I didn't know a lot of things she was using. When I was down there had I know she was saying that I was signing singer and all these things I would have address it on the beach with her but I had no idea she was saying those things and so when I watched Shit I was shocked. I was shocked. It was just I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't believe she was saying the things she was saying. You said in the reunion special and I'm paraphrasing here but it's something about if you hadn't released them people wouldn't know the truth. Do you still feel that way. I mean it's so hard to say because I don't so when we were at the Union Kaelin was like I've made some mistakes that kind of thing I don't. I don't know necessarily if she would have said those things. Had I not done what I did. I think she maybe maybe woulda stuck to her guns. and I think with having if I had just come to the reunion and been like I have evidence like I. I don't think that would have been that would have been an empty you know. I don't think that would have done anything. I really don't because I don't think anybody would believe me. You don't think it was wrong. I listen yes releasing. I was wrong but two wrongs make a right when she was wrong. Had I not done what I did but just because somebody is wrong doesn't make doing doing something wrong right what you're saying yeah to yeah. I know what you're saying but like you wouldn't have known that she did anything wrong. I did what I did like. Two Wings would've made a right it but she wouldn't have known she didn't anything wrong because that's kind of the point I'm making his. If you're GONNA say Blake you shouldn't have released text messages or whatnot you know people want and I knew I was GonNa hate and if you WanNa hate me but then you also have to look at what the text message showed and then you gotta say well Kaelin obviously wrong yeah. I am not excusing Halen. I do like Kaelin for I think Kaylin is is a girl who's learning about herself and continuing to learn about herself and that's just a really nice way of saying. She has some issues she needs to work out. Let me let me say this though I do I do. I am sorry I am sorry that it ended like it. All ended in came to this it came to I am sorry when I release. One of the reasons I also believe are sorry deleted. The text messages was like I said I was having a complete breakdown. I was breathing into a paper bag and all of a sudden. I took a step back and I was I was like Kaelin is feeling this way right right now probably and that killed me and I was like I was like I. I can't believe I did what I'm feeling right now. I just did to somebody else and that hurts and that sucked and so that's why I did suddenly take text messages down and I did have a moment to step back from everything we like. What did I just do. I had I had to have that moment and so that was hard and I I am sorry that it hurt heard the way did it. Is something that you know. I wish you didn't come to that I really do. I wish it didn't cover that Shit. You'RE GONNA make folly Lake Bucks. Oh God I this is okay before I get emotional. Look at us to tourists. It's just connecting okay. Never go get an historic yes UK Virgo. We get along well. I'm very sensitive so I think people forget that sometimes. I'm like very harsh but I I think what what what hurt when I was watching you sit in that chair is listen alley and I agree on this. We don't agree with with what you did but it doesn't mean that I don't understand why you did it. K- There's a difference between that. I I understand why you fell backed in a corner and you did what you did what I have done it probably not but I understand why somebody would do that. The thing is is the question that you posed. Ali With Kaelin have admitted her mistakes which she have come forward and said hey allied apologize the same way that she she did on the reunion. I had an emotional reaction. I overreacted and I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that what she had done. That probably not in. Why do I say that. It's something that my dad always says history has predictive value and when you look at the history of Ceylan sometimes stuff just adds up and you just kind of have to accept this is kind who this person person is from the pageant stuff to comments the she was making on the buses like people keep saying that things that contradict what Kaelin is saying and how many times uh-huh do you have to start. Hearing people say that you're lying before you acknowledge that this person really just has trouble telling the truth. It's just it is what it is and I know. People people came so hard on me when I was talking about Kaelin and maybe I could've phrased things nicely but it's not that I'm not supporting women as people said I'm not going to support bad behavior and I believe in holding people accountable for the things that they do and what sucks for you. Blake is when you release the text messages and as you mentioned you violated her privacy. It was a little bit of a step lower than what she did and it gave her the scapegoat to hide behind her pretty face and her tears hang her hat on what what you did in releasing releasing the text messages but the truth is is that you know if you put if I put myself in your shoes alley and you put yourself in Blake shoes. How how would you feel if you knew the truth and somebody is out there lying not once not twice but multiple times to multiple people and you know. Oh you have this truth millions of people millions right sorry on the beach multiple once it airs like you said I'll you're right millions of people and you know. Oh your reputation is at stake and the same way that she said on the reunion she was emotional and so she had this huge reaction. You're emotional blake and you. We had this huge reaction again not saying it's right but people have to understand where you're coming from and speaking from personal experience. I've had people in this franchise lie on me. Outright tell lies multiple people multiple times and I have evidence that could did like vindicate me and I am labeled as a bitch while other people are labeled as an angel and it takes. It's hard to not want to say actually you guys. I'm not this way. This is actually what happened and then you have to backtrack and say who am. I trying to prove myself to you know. Is it worth it to go there and I think you we know that at this point in hindsight is it safe to say you probably would have done it a little bit differently. You know it is it is and it was I don't want so this is because you're saying like this emotion like I had this emotional reaction than I did. and I knew I was going to get a lot of hate and maybe like. I wish there was another way like I wish there would have been another way that I could have done it in yeah I mean I think it was wrong. I definitely think it was wrong but I. I don't know that I wouldn't have done it if I were in your shoes and that's the truth so that's the truth. I do think he was wrong but I I'm human I make mistakes and I do things that are wrong sometimes i. I can't imagine being in that moment knowing what you were sitting on and just taking it like I I don't know I I just don't know but this is the thing when is sharing private private conversations private messages okay and what are they not okay because we're GONNA put this out there. Jp Jay and Derek had a big thing on the season where supposedly Derek said that he slept with women that foam instagram and J P j just told everybody and called him out. That was a private conversation should J. J. brought up that conversation because Derek didn't want to have that conversation the public. Do you see what I mean so it's like but it's he said she said Blake showed that he said she said this is what it is. Okay well this. This is what is so. Do we think it would have been better. I mean I don't even know if it's worth it to go here but like if you adjust said what she said in the text messages rather than screen shouting them I think Gif and we actually think re- reset that I don't remember if it actually aired on the podcast what we talked about this. I think that if you would have waited maybe to the reunion and try and kept giving her a chance to tell the truth and then you said Kaylin you know I have these messages. We know about this. You know I have this. I'm GonNa ask you again. I'm begging you. I've waited. It's been weeks and I've waited for you to speak your truth and you haven't yet. I think maybe you know again. That's that's how it could have been called rage but next time call Rachel what I will say is when we asked the question would Ceylan have set the truth which she holds true to be honest she had had an opportunity because when that episode aired she saw she knew it was going to happen right at that point she could have gone to social. Oh media in some aspect or maybe even texted you blake and said you know what I lied. I'm GonNa say something on the reunion and you know what I I wasn't truthful. I will address it in the reunion something. I overreacted the same apology that she gave you at the finale. At the reunion special she could have said something along those lines she didn't. She sat silent silent and she hid behind what we saw on TV. She hid behind for lack of better words. Her lies so again. I don't agree with what you did it but I understand the anger and the desperation that you felt in that moment especially when you were the guy and I really want you to speak to this because I don't think people get this. You were the guy from backseat and you've really didn't develop any hades except for your dance mouse which you really didn't get people weren't critical of you you didn't you hadn't experienced that yet and you went from one extreme to the other and I'm sure that that played into your mindset in how you also responded because you weren't prepared for it. You weren't used to it so I want you to speak to that because I think that's the darker side of Bachelor nation that people don't really talk about I think to use it kind of like I did feel desperate. I did feel some desperation because I yeah coming up BECA SEASON I didn't I didn't get a lot of heat. I didn't end so I didn't really know how to deal with that and afford to suddenly soon Nami on me like that and I it was a lot for me and you know no matter what we put on social media no matter or what you know how we talked people say we feel alright. We feel good like it does just take a little bit to completely. Make us feel like we are. We are worthless and in in that moment I felt so alone in so betrayed in a way to I honestly not not only Kalem but a lot of the the people on that beach too because a lot of them had acted one way to me and then when I saw it on on the show I saw that they were acting a different way on camera instead of to my face and so that was really hard for me and feeling as alone as I did. I did feel a little bit desperate and and being the guy who wasn't getting a lot of hate to suddenly everybody like everybody hating at that point. There is no reason for anybody to to be on my side like none of my side was hurt like there was no reason for anybody to even kind of. Give me a break and I get it you know from watching the show I get why you wouldn't give me a break and so the amount of negativity in the Hay and that just all of that together it can it can take and I'm not first person it can take people into a very dark place and a very very a place that I I pray that nobody else really has to be because it can get really bad unfortunately a lot of people on the show hey go to that place as I know. Judd did okay but we're not talking to yet so don't go anywhere. We've got more coming up right after this okay. I have a question for all of you. You're listening right now. Do you take vitamins if you don't get on it now. I'm telling you taking the right. Vitamins make you feel so much better and here's here's the thing follows a great time to set new goals and get back into a healthy routine. I know a lot of people save that for like January their New Year's resolutions but don't wait get on that now. 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That's how you can remember it so you get that ten dollars off your first order today in the the mobile APP or an instant car dot COM and don't forget to enter our code be h h tell him we sent you. You're GONNA love it. I know you're GONNA love it so go to insecure dot com or through the mobile APP with code be age at checkout. I have to ask show so you spoke to her before releasing the text messages via text or phone. What was it so so actually dean at I had started. He texted me and was like hey. I heard you might at least text messages. Something like you know think about that like think about I. Wouldn't you know that's a different level of whatever I can't remember exactly what it says a different level of stupid kinda stupid and then all of a sudden. I got a call from Kayla. Maybe about a half hour before I was going to release them. She called me and she was like you know. I kind of heard what you might do She was like so what was frustrating about me. What about that phone call was she didn't. She still didn't really apologize and she didn't take ownership. It was there's a lot of the show edited me. That kind of thing was a lot of a lot of blaming on the show and she's like let me go on an interview and just like playing the show and that was like I can't I can't trust you to do that and if you think that the show is going allow you to do that you wrong you know and that was basically how the conversation went and then when I finally did I was like a camera a texture and editing. I will just say that I mean we heard the words come out of her mouth and that's what I say. You went around each person on the beach me blame the show and not take responsibility for my actions. What history has predictive value that sometimes you just have to accept. WHO PEOPLE ARE? I am sorry just time after time incident after incident just really goes to show who somebody who their what their true through character is and I'm not saying people can't change and I get maybe age and and and just getting caught up in this world can play into that but a rough. I was just GonNa say ah much like Kaitlyn. I I want to say to Kaitlin throughout and like as much as she is playing thinks you know that environment and her wanting to maybe get everybody to Laker kind of thing and like I think there was a lot of variables that played into some of the things that she said why she said. I don't think she's like monster. I don't think yeah yes and I want to get that across. Stay like I don't know yet none of us. I don't think there was a lot to play into that and maybe there was a little bit adding on some of it but obviously the big accusation of silencing her. It wasn't edited clearly. None of us think she's a monster team like I said I just think she desperately wants to be liked like she really has a hard time with people not liking in her so in this phone call that you had with her. She basically says I'm GonNa do this. Thing you say no. I can't trust you to do that. Did you. Ever say or I mean obviously hindsight's insights twenty twenty like to think to say get on instagram story right now yourself and clear this up and I honestly I didn't think of saying that you know maybe I should invest that. Maybe I should've talked to her about that but at the same time I had so many of the you know the other day when it was happening was like why don't you just tell her you have the texters. It'd be like if you don't go on your stories. I'm GonNa the release unlike that kind of sounds like blackmail. You know it's like it's like this weird gray line where it's like. The whole thing is pretty hard. Yeah exactly it's blackmail and so it's like it was just such a hard situation and I hope nobody else has an association like that where they have to decide to do what I did because I think what was sad in when I think of everything it's like Ali just said you know Kaelin. We don't think that she's a bad person. I don't think this is a monster but Ali said she just so desperately wants to be liked and then when I look at you releasing the text messages it was you so desperately wanted wanted people not necessarily the like you yes. I think that's a calms maters wall but then you also just so desperately wanted to prove to people that you were telling the truth breath and I think you have to sit there and ask yourself. Who are you trying to prove this to you. Know the people who know you know you. The people who are your inner circle and who matter matter matter and the sad thing is when you're in this world and you're in. You're on such a public platform. It's hard because you want people to know your truth and you want people to like you but the at the end of the day and I think that this is a hard lesson that you have to learn and I think like you really can be a champion and speak towards this that you're not gonNA. You'RE NOT GONNA make everybody happy Kanye West Song. It's like they'll hate you. They'll love you and then they'll hate you again and I think the more you try to prove yourself to these people. You're always gonNA fell because you're not gonNA. You'RE NOT GONNA please everybody. I mean look where you are right now right kind of in releasing the text messages. You were just trying. Maybe subconsciously. You're trying to please people but you're also trying to speak your truth and I think one thing bathroom. Nation is the more that you do that. You're going to get lost in this world. You just have to know who you are. Otherwise otherwise. This world is going to eat. You alive. Spit you back out but in the same breath. I've had a little bit of champagne guys says Bachelor happy hour so I'm not going to say this right but what you're you the legal terms. Rachel what is it when somebody publicly bashes you and then you can like sue them right slander slander like I mean essentially that's what was going on the I get like. It's one thing for like to have some haters bill you you said it everybody was hating but one thing. I really really really want to talk about because one thing Kaelin said at the Union was that you chose to show very specific screen shots of the conversation that painted you in a certain in light and her in a negative light. I don't even know if I want to ask this. Because is this just making you do more of what we said you shouldn't do. What were you not showing like. What is she talking about. was there another part of the conversation where she looked better. No I mean so I think what she was referring to was back from in January through March relationship and I I will be honest like there were like I was like you know it'd be so fun to like double date with Colon Catholic. I was saying those things like like I. I did like her like I did. You know there was a crush definitely crush there but at no point was I like Oh. We're in a relationship where schools even though it was it was always there was always that like okay might be. Bachelorette kind of thing so I think that was more what she was afraid to. As far as like stagecoach you know that those text messages no I understand why you release those because that was the issue right like what was the point of issue not the entire few months. You're not denying that it was that night at issue and Kaelin said it was exclusive. Loose of Ceylan led us to alley that it was an exclusive relationship and this is what I think people need to understand as you know when Allie and I have both received negatively when we do this podcast because what I think people forget as as podcasters your opinionated and it's not just about a recap. It's not just about saying everyone everyone wants to hear. It's about having an opinion sticking to it and analyzing a situation. I think what people fail to realize is. Sometimes we know things that we don't necessarily we can't tell all the information we know or the back story so if you're talking about a jet or I'm talking about a Kaelin. Maybe we know something so you don't know maybe there's a little bit more to that back story and there in that's why we have certain opinions that we have when it comes to certain people but I think that if I'm GonNa spend positive light on this right you know we talked about stage coach which I don't go next year like and not even because of Drama Rama just because it's like I don't know if I could hear the word stagecoach again at this low. Pay You at this point because you have given them so much. Advertise it advertisement for people who don't know not even interested in country music. They're going to want to go to stagecoach so they can see bathroom nation so maybe they can hook up with people. I don't know it sounds like it's a really great time. People watching sounds sounds fantastic and report back. The thing is from all of this. You're clearly sorry for what you dead and even Kaylynn apologized on the rings. She sorry for what she did. So where do we go from this and how do we grow for this and I think that when Allie mentioned mentioned this on the podcast before she was very concerned with you and your mental health and how you were doing and is he okay because watching the video oh of not just you releasing the text messages but watching the video of you talking about it you did not look like you were okay and it was sad to watch and I think something you really have a platform to speak to the deeper issue with all of this we can talk about the surface level stagecoach hooking hooking up with people lies that were told but what's the underlying issue in how the public reacts to certain situations and how it effects facts real people yeah so that yeah that night that I released everything and I put that post up it was obviously very rough and and I decided I took took a decision. I made a decision to step away from social media for probably a month. I stepped away from it and in doing that I knew do that. I mean let's be honest. I probably lost maybe two hundred two hundred thousand dollars that I probably would have gained had. I sorta been posting pictures season but I made it. I made a decision that I was going to step away a because mentally I don't think I could have handled vet on the hate that that probably would have been thrown at me and some of the dams that that were were for I was for sure getting and I think sometimes people forget that US on the show like real humans. I think sometimes people watch a show. I think of us as characters and I signed up for it. Oh and we still do you kind of heard me when I was on the show say something to the fact that this is this is real life. You know it's like when there's all these amazing love stories in marriages and families that come out of it. That's all real but then when people have their lives is torn apart suddenly like that's not you know it's just a show and that's not fake like that. It's either all wheel or none of it is and that's that's something that that I want to. I hope the audience I can kind of take from this as we are real people and that those DM's and those comments they they they make a very big difference in our very big impact on our mental health are and it's it's hard and I'm not the only one I've had since since the season's been going on I've had other people reach shots me from this season and ask how I've dealt with some things because they even getting heat and they asked how I deal with it you know and so I hope that I can be that person person in the future that can kind of help people through some of this because it's not easy and no matter how perfect our pictures are on grammar how perfect you know the stories are and all of that like there are people out there that are struggling and it just takes we are human and it just takes a couple negative comments to get us back into that dark place that the we sometimes find ourselves yeah. I like that you say that because I'm going to say this but during our interview with Jed afterward I sat down with him for a minute and he told me that he had gotten to such a dark place with all the hate that he was getting that humans checked himself into the hospital like he was really fearful for himself. I it's hard to talk about because it was really hard my family too and that night that I put the text message out there and stuff and I my mom was on the phone. I was telling her like I need to go to a hospital. I can't breathe leave. Something's wrong and there has been a couple of times a season where I checked myself into just like a walk in their best because it's it's it's it's hard sometimes to relate to when people ask how you're doing people will be like you know. I've made a mistake in my life I talk about the mistaken like what was that then broadcaster to a million people millions and people and so sometimes it's really hard to relate to some people and so that's why I did reach out certain people imagination and that's why sometimes it's for some reason there's this stigma around around therapy and things especially for men like it makes such a difference in the world and it's like something I'm going to now move forward with and like it's there should be a stigma around. I hope so much it's incredible. Have you ever wondered why every dog food no matter what brand or what prize is dry why and has smelly brown pellets. How do we feed this to our pads for every meal of their lives. Well guess what guys now you don't have to thanks to farmers dog. The dog makes it super easy to feed your dog real fresh food. That's actual foods as you can see smell and even taste it. 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That's just three dollars a day you guys the forest dog is smarter healthier pet food and you can start your child today so go to farmers dog dot com slash lashed faster and you'll save fifty percent and give free shipping. That's the farmer's dog dot com slash bachelor for fifty percents off her trial with free shipping. The farmers dot dot com slash faster. Go try it out for yourself and treat your dog like. Do you feel like you've learned who your friends are real friends because you can be friendly with people in in this bachelor nation but do you feel like you've learned your real friends. Are you know through these dark times yeah. If there's one thing I can. I mean there's a few things I can tell you this but one of the big things like take away from this as I found out really fast who my real friends are and and sometimes nation they they'll they'll say things privately. I had a lot of people especially people even people sitting in that panel at the reunion they reach out and they said you know I probably would have done kind of what you said like. I probably would've done which you did like. I've never been in that position but man. I don't know what I would do but then you know in public public they they don't they don't there for you and they don't. They don't support you in row fast. I found out who my real friends are and I won't forget like I you know I know who now. I'm pity my energy into in the friendships. I'M GONNA put my energy into because a lot of people not only ambassador nation but in general you know I'm sure in real life too like if it doesn't I think self-serving is the right word it doesn't help them in any way you know they often distance themselves and had a lot of friends distance themselves but I also had a lot honestly. I'm I'm closer than ever with and I won't forget that for sure you know I have this notorious quote and Bachelor nation where I said these bachelor nation friendships are fickle fickle and fleeting and I wholeheartedly believe that to this day I said that two years ago and I think that that still stands true and I think I think that it's through the dark times because not everybody is against you and I think as the dark times that you find out who your real friends are whether that be fascination or just in the world in general and those people really will go hard for you and I will say that Allie and I are allies alley. Ally our allies for you because as leads east listen. We've never been a paradise. We always joke God over there crazy but we know what it's like to be put on a pedestal and out there for public display and we understand it. You know we can agree to disagree but it doesn't mean that we don't understand you and we are here to support you. In whatever it is that you need because I think that sometimes it's popular to criticize you because that's the popular opinion and so I I just want you to know that you're not alone at all and you do have allies on this show and whatever we can do to be supportive of you. not ally of everybody so far between but whatever we can do to be supportive. I think that your message is powerful and I think that a lot of times people don't talk about the negative side of this like you said you can hide behind an instagram picture in a story or a favorable article and people don't realize the pressure that you have about being in the public eye it is not all Glitz and glamour. It is dark some days. It is lonely and you really have a story almost a testimony but we're not in church to talk about the situation and I think that you really should use your platform to do that because there aren't enough of us and you said you've had people ambassador nation come to you and say you know oh I understand but then they don't really support you publicly or oh. Can you help me with the situation. And how do you get through it. You really have a platform and you should use that. Honestly it goes beyond batter nation just in general yeah. I'M GONNA take from this. I've I've learned a lot regarding mental health and self help and all of that and I I do hope. I mean you talking about jeter. They're like that's hearing on that side of things like that. I know what he felt like. I knew what he felt in that moment you know and so yeah. I mean it's definitely something that I plan on hopefully helping people in the future for sure. Absolutely I think the what people don't understand. Is You know the hate that you've received in that other people may have received in batch nation even Al and you talk about just for talking for siding with Jed you know and and it was the unpopular opinions with Jed sorry. I thought he was in charge. Sorry Correction. Yes for the same reason I empathize with you right now. Yeah you empathize and then people just attack you in a certain way and it's almost they forget that we're real people and what I need people to understand is the attacks aren't aren't. I don't like what you said you know and I'm going to give you a low rating on your podcast. I don't like what you said. Blake and I'm GonNa follow you the the way the people talk to us. It is ripping our character apart. It is questioning who we are as people it is death threats. It's you know talking talking about our family some time family's gotta get a DM's and my mom was like how can you raise a son like that like it got and when your family comes it's changes. I changed everything for me and I was just like it's hard. Lots of death threats lots of my mom. My grandma started at one point off limits on Instagram Scrim. I WanNa follow your grandma but isn't that sad. People Really Forget. We are real. It's we're real people. This is our real life and these are real stories and you may not agree with every single thing that we do but just because because you said it just because we've decided to put our lives for the public to see we've decided to be vulnerable and open you know maybe to create good TV. Maybe be at a chance at love whatever it doesn't give you the excuse to then rip US apart. It doesn't give you the excuse to have a community online that at the hasn't whole identity to rip US apart and create hypotheticals and spoilers to talk about us and I mean it just it just it blows my mind. The time and effort people put on a bachelor contestants and just people in the public period to be mean. We didn't sign up for death death threats and I know grandma did it no way Graham this is the thing and this applies to life in general people like it and place in life in general zero because it's never okay to speak to somebody that way it. It isn't like there's a there's a level of respect in grace. You'd have opinions you can say your feelings and how you feel feel about things but I think there's a level of respect for humanity for human beings for who they are whether it's in your life whether it's people you're watching on TV in general and people can hide behind computer screens these days and you know. I just hope everybody listening to this right now. WHO's either driving in their car. Wherever you're listening to this like goes out there and like says something nice to somebody because you never know how that's GonNa just GonNa say that and as many bad. DMZ got like I got some incredible that I would screen shot and I when I was low. I'd read them because there are good people out there and they complete strangers who would reject me like I know you know. We'll place right now. I just wanted to know like it'll you know it'll pass. You're going to be okay. Okay so that kind of thing like those a lot too. You know like as much as those native wants number you down those good ones can bring you up to so and I would encourage bachelor nation. Not I'm not talking to the fans. I'm talking about the people who make this up the contestants the leads that are on this show stop doing things for likes and a four for click bait and just public perception because as I said it's fickle and fleeting and six months there'll be a whole new batch of folks looks and you will be most likely forgotten of and what you did won't be remembered. It's like just be decent. Don't tell lies on people bowl just I. I just a lot of the times I just don't understand what people are doing and why they do it in the motivation behind it but just be you be aware of who you are just be real. Don't try to be another lead another cast member. Don't try to create your own story line because you think that that will get you to paradise or that'll get you the next deal. It's all fleeting. Just beat decent you. Are Those the people you're talking about you once. Were you have a hey ones before tried to remember that I gotTa ask before. We wrap things up. Is there anything you would change. If you could go back I mean maybe you'd say stage coach. I wouldn't have slept with one but not even that I mean like going into Paradise. Is there anything you would change. Its that's such a hard question because like I said I'm such a strong believer in everything happens for a reason and like I said like I and J P J Dillon Hannah and like Kaelin and dean. I it's hard to say I would change something because the three girls who were in in the drama no they all left in religions and so it's really hard for me to do something different because I think I think it worked out. The way was supposed to as hard as it was hard. It was for everybody down there. I think it worked the way I'm really thankful for this podcast because I feel like yes we got those unanswered questions that we needed to for you to you know guess in the hot seat and you had a good ten fifteen minutes that that everyone was able to see and the reunion special but this gave you the opportunity to really expand on that really be vulnerable and open. Dan and just have an honest conversation and I think at the same time it allowed you to talk about something that people are really afraid to talk about the darker side of things and mental mental health and I just want to say like for anyone else who is out there. Blake has been very open and honest about what it is that he's been going through but we know he's not alone out there so if it's you if it's a friend just someone you know out there that needs help their resources out there for you and we want to give you one of those resources and if you'll just log onto suicide prevention lifeline dot org they can help you out with whatever it is that you need so you know that you're not alone out there so make sure that if you're going through something you reach out to them. Well thank you for being here. Do you guys for having me feel. How do you feel this is like therapy. We've been talking for a long time the notice how do you how do you feel because right now. This podcast is listened to by hundreds of thousands thousands of people listening to this podcast hey thanks for listening. your message is going to get out there. Publications Talk Right about at our podcast US weekly people magazine. They're gonNA write about this. Do you feel better. Do feel like your message has gotten out there and if not is there anything else that you want to say. No no I do I do. I do feel like I. There's a reason I was a little nervous. I'll be honest I was a little nervous coming to that part podcast today because I didn't. I was just in that Halsey on on reunion and they'll have fell and I didn't. I wanted to be sure that I can I could talk more about the dark side of things in the mental health things and that's what I kinda wanted to most come out of this podcast the most and so I think I did that and hopefully that gets across like you just said that gets across on this podcast and hopefully if it just stops one person presenting that nasty. DM To a contest and that's all I can ask Blake's instagram woman while you're right now and this is the thing. This is what we said. Even when jed was on the podcast. Is that the great thing about this podcast in really that's different from your conversation with Chris. I Harrison at the reunion. Is You get a chance. This is a complicated situation. It's not something that you can explain in five minutes it less than five minutes. You know so I heard you. I can tell looking at Rachel. She heard you. I hope everybody else heard you. you're good person who made a few mistakes your mistakes do not define you know and well said that your Zsa happy hour showing not wait. They're plastic because everybody raise your glass to to being open honest having those tough real hard conversations and just being kind to one another right man that was great. I mean I just feel like it was therapeutic for everybody. I'm so glad that Blake to tell his side of the story and we just really want to thank thank all of you for tuning into Bachelor happy. Hour and of course thank you for sitting down with us. Yeah no truly thank you. Thank you for sharing things that I'm sure are hard for him to talk about especially knowing through what he went through mentally and even that he said he's checked himself in to get help and again their resources out there for you. If if you you need that as well but in the meantime we just thank you guys so much for listening. We hope that this podcast helped you and maybe you can ford it onto somebody else and it can help them because it's deeper deeper than bachelor nation. It's much more rich than that and you can get all of the latest bathroom nation news on a Bachelor Nation Dot Com right now. We want to hear from you so tell us what you like what you don't like about the show. I have a feeling this is gonna be the one of the ones you like but tell us what you want to hear more of. We'd be more than happy to do that. You can email us at happy hour at batter nation dot com or you can visit US Abacha nation dot com and click podcast. Yes and thank you again so much for listening. Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast Bachelor happy. Hour you can subscribe on Apple Podcast spotify or wherever you're listening to this right now.

Blake Kaelin Rachel US allie Jed US weekly people magazine Madison Dash Reed Dot Com Dot Com Madison Reed Ceylan Kaylin B. A. C. H. E. L. O. Chris Harrison Ceylan Ali Kaelin Kaelin
Circuits | 2

Detective Trapp

40:45 min | 1 year ago

Circuits | 2

"Detective trap contains descriptions of violence and sexual content and is not suitable for everyone. Please be advised on Friday morning March. Fourteenth two thousand fourteen detective Jelicic trap walked into into a massive trash sorting plant in North Central Anaheim. It is the most organized chaos that you will ever have the opportunity to witness business and the smell is. I mean if you can stick your nose in your trash can after Thanksgiving with all the leftovers that have been sitting there for a week in the heat. It's called republic. Waste services has tons of garbage surge through their everyday across a series of elevated six foot wide conveyor belts. A worker had spotted what looked like a human foot protruding intruding from the trash on one of them. The belt was stopped and the police summoned but the other belts kept rolling and the clanging and clunking of the machinery echoed code off the walls and the high ceiling trap watched his garbage trucks backed up to the unloading bays one after another shoveling out mountains of already crush debris and their tractor-trailers coming around with the big claw. Like and you see in toy story. Just picking up mounds of trash rush and putting them through their conveyor belt system when trap arrived one of her partners on the homicide squad bruce. Lynn was standing standing on the conveyor belt near the body land was a transfer from the fugitive hunting squad where he'd spent years undercover and thirty close and he. You had not hesitated to wade into the trash. The veteran detectives had seen murder in many forms but the coldness of the scene struck them both breath. This one was different to me more cold more sadistic less human and it's hard to add something to snuffing. Somebody's life out just because you chose to. The victim was a young woman. Unclothed with no ide- covered with grime or jaw was broken. Her leg was snapped and her skull was crushed. Maybe by the body's progress through the machinery the body was wrapped in shredded Blue Blue Tarp. The detectives were presented with a few immediate problems. They had to find the name of the victim and they had to figure out how she got there. mm-hmm the plant was fed by thousands of trash bins around the county. Anyone of which the body could have been dropped in. The detectives decided they'd have to collect every piece of trash a wide radius around the body. You know me thinking but he I think we need a go at least twenty five maybe thirty feet in each direction of several at least from where she is and like anything with an address with you to collect because I mean she really could have come from anywhere anywhere. The only way we are ever in a stand a chance of solving this is if we can narrow down where she came from blend was digging through the trash Russian. Search of anything that might have a usable fingerprint he found a tube of acrylic sealant. Trim glaze caulking. I've caught a lot of things things in my house I saw two Bukowski. All I can say is that it was the only thing that I saw amidst the entire forty to fifty yards of and three feet high garbage. That was hard solid smooth and fairly clean. You put those things together and you can come up with the fingerprint. And if there's one near so with gloves I picked it up from the tip and I dropped it into an evidence bag and I thought Oh lord let that be something mm-hmm figuring out where the woman came from would be difficult determining who she was might be easier beneath the dirt on her neck under her jaw and there was a curse of Tattoo that read Jodi detective traffic sponsored by Madison Reed Medicine Reuse. The hair color company built on integrity innovation evasion and love for you and for your hair color with Madison Reed. You get salon-quality results. You can easily do yourself at home. That means you can pull your hair when everyone's snow appointment needed that saves you time Chelsea here at wonders offices in L. A. recently tried out Madison Reed and she said her favourite part of using the site was the option to virtually I try on hair-color using Computers Camera. She was torn between a shade similar to her natural one or going a little more vivid with red hues. After seeing how good the more vivid color looked she decided to take the leap and she said she absolutely loves the results. Get Ammonia free multi tonal hair-color delivered to your door for less than twenty five dollars at Madison Dash Reed Dot Com. Use Promo Code Trap and you'll get ten percent off plus free shipping on your first color kit again. That's Code Trap T. R. A. P. P. From The Los Angeles Times and wondering I'm Christopher Gothard this is detected track this guy and I says episode so two circuits. When people are stopped by police in Anaheim their tattoos are fed into into a database in two thousand thirteen? A woman was detained on suspicion of prostitution. She was from Ardmore Oklahoma. An officer had made a record of a tattoo on her neck. That said Jodi. The young woman was named Gerais e step by this method in March twenty. Fourteen Scott attentive idea on the body at the trash sorting plan. Detective Trap thought EASTEP. Who was twenty one that the profile all of circuit girl a sex worker who cycled through Anaheim Oakland Las Vegas and maybe a few other cities for a few days before moving on back back at her desk with a week of the plant still in her clothes propaganda? Faxing the hotels in the resort district around Disneyland trying to find the room or east at might have been staying staying while she was in town. This didn't bring any results. The real heart of the sex trade in Anaheim is a few blocks west a mile long north north south stretch of Beach Boulevard. Vice cops call the track. It's a wide road that bisects. The city's far western corner the north it spills into Buena Park close to Knott's berry farm to the south it turns into the city of Stanton and the girls ranged from what's known as the girl where they travel across the country. Quite frankly to what's known as a track of prostitution that's just known for for a well-dressed fit in pretty and you wonder Interesting from that all the way down to a ripped ripped torn dirty flannel with a syringe and ran. It runs the gamut. That's Beach Boulevard. It was here that detectives decided to concentrate their search for east steps last Ruma. We divided into three different groups and we started going hotel hell to motel to hotel showing her picture showing her name. Do you have her registered here. During her years in sex crimes trap became familiar block by block walk with the landscape of Fifty Buck Nights. STUCCO flop-houses with metal bars on their check in windows. Some of them Kitschy mid-century motels that sprang up to capitalize on Disneyland's traffic and have long since decayed gas stations. DONUT shops psychics. Fast food joints and in ever-shifting in gallery of Petty Crook stick up artists parolees and drug zombies. She could guess the popular drugs by the gate of their captives street. Cycling Cling from crack to Meth to bath salts to heroin often on FRAPP had worked undercover. Here is part of the so-called John Program basically basically we posed prostitutes in. We Walk Beach Boulevard and let John's come in solicit you and then they get busted and it doesn't take very long once you start Walking Beach Boulevard before you get your first male coming up in soliciting you you you know when you first start you. You think that you're going to do your hair and you need to your make out and you WanNa look attractive and you know what to wear high heels and then and you quickly realize that you don't wash your hair and you wear a tank top and maybe some short shorts and flip flops. You know all purchase Johnson leg. Hey sugar you looking for a date and of course now I have fun with it and I try to work in lines from pretty woman he you know which extra bonus points if he can throw a man. What's your name? What do you want it to be? One of traps useful masks made possible by her ability to sound very young. was that of a vulnerable Poland naive underage girl looking for a daddy the vice unit would put her on the phone with pimps and she'd pretend to be fifteen and I talked on the phone I talk on the phone. A text trollop call right maxine. Oh He's fifteen sixteen. Yeah they of course working phone with safe working undercover on Beach Boulevard was something else. A reminder of how dangerous it was for the women out there Some undercover detectives will approach John's car on the passenger side to put distance between themselves and the driver as they assess him. I've just I made the decision to to go up to. The driver's does not like I can get a clean wire. But I could see who I'm dealing with and you know if there's a gun in the car if there's somebody else in the a car I have a better luck and then that unfortunately just open you up to them sometimes touching you and I have been groped and you I just kind of play it off. I slept there hand very playfully and I say you can't get the free kind of make it work you know back away she'd walk the would-be customers back to a hotel room where her partners were waiting. You walk into a room and then and Once you're inside you know kind of like you see on. TV there in the next room over. They'll jump out in their Ninja suits and and take the guy down so but there is that uncomfortable time where you're walking from the parking lot into the room when you're you're trying to open the the motel room and they're standing right behind you as she got out the pass key to open the door she could sometimes feel the man's breath on the back of her neck. It was in just this part of town. Just these sort of motels that detectives were looking that night in March two thousand fourteen for traces of Gerais eastep who had just arrived from Oklahoma within hours. They found where she had had been staying. It was room to seventeen of the Anaheim Lodge at eight thirty seven South Beach Boulevard. She had checked in but never returned. The cleaners had found her room empty and removed her belongings including A. Hello Kitty Person. A Greyhound. Ticket from Oklahoma to California and management had stored it trap climbing the exterior stairway to the motel second floor and stepped into the room. There were no signs of a struggle inside a drawer. Tura eastep have left a few things. The cleaners had missed toiletries. Contact Lens Solution. A stack of seven hundred thirty dollars in cash. Rush suggesting EASTEP. It had profitable run on the street. A bag of life savers and her Oklahoma. Id Card the face vase on. It looked like a small town beauty pageant. Winner with skin as unlined as teenagers. She had arrived on a Greyhound bus and so so we knew that she had only been here less than a day. Twelve hours really from when she went missing alone among her partners on the homicide squad trapped pinned her victims faces on the Cork Board at her cubicle and bought a rosary for them all she kept the faces up long. After the cases were solved wbt. She referred to victims by first name and call their families on birthdays and anniversaries. Every murder cop must strike some balance between caring and coldness between empathy for the victim and the clinical detachment required to solve the case entraps case. It's a vivid David contest. Part of her drive came from a connection to the families which meant entering their bottomless pain. Some of our partners wondered how she managed this year after after year she was about to enter another family story. The day after the body was discovered the day she officially became the lead detective on the a case trap was at her dining room table on the phone on the other end in Oklahoma she had jerry steps mother. She had to give her the worst possible. Komo news by phone rather than in person and it was a tight rope walk and it's cruel and in a certain way it is cruel because you there is a fine line of trying to gather information and still maintaining a sense of report four with the family. Would you also know that the minute you deliver this news. They're not gonNA WANNA talk to you. The mother demanded to know what was going on. Her daughter wasn't answering her phone trap. Needed basic information like Jerry cell phone number so she could get a warrant for her phone records records trap astor when she had last seen her daughter a week ago the mother replied and as far as she knew her daughter was in Oklahoma Oma she asked if she was alive trap sidestepped the question and asked if she had her daughter's phone number yes she had the number but would she he explain what this was about. Trap said. I'm sorry to inform you that yesterday your daughter was found deceased then she. She listened to the mother screaming and the phone went dead after a while. Trap got her on the phone again. Gerets mother wanted to know. Are you sure it's my daughter daughter. Trap ask for daughter had any tattoos. Jody Eastep said she has my name on her neck. Detective trap is sponsored by Bomba's no matter how many times you've tackled it. Holiday shopping can be a challenge. Long lines impact impact stores even longer lines parking lots but this year Bama's has made holiday gifting so much easier if you haven't heard of them Baba's makes socks the most comfortable software socks ever as a matter of fact. Obama socks provide support in places. You didn't even know you needed it. Like your arches. Each sock doc is built with a special arch support system. That's not too tight. It's more like a hug for your foot. I just got my first pair of Bombay socks and I am telling you these are the solution to your holiday gifting needs. They've got dress socks for work. 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Okay which means they're number one goal is to make the home buying process smoother for you. Quicken loans has helped millions of Americans achieve their dream of Home Ownership. And when you're ready to to purchase the home of your dreams they can help you to their team cares about getting you home that's why. Jd Power has ranked quicken loans highest in customer satisfaction in for primary mortgage origination nine years in a row and highest in mortgage servicing six years in a row get started online at rocket mortgage dot com slash. Trap T. R. A. P. P. FOR JD Power Award Information Visit JD POWER DOT com equal housing lender licensed in all fifty states nmls consumer access dot Org number birth thirty thirty rocket mortgage by quicken loans. Push Button yet mortgage UH detective. Gillette's traps soon learned that there had been a man in the victim's life he was twenty seven and he called himself menace menace. He became a suspect immediately. Menace was the father of Gerets steps. Two year old son. When trap looked at her phone records she found? He had exchanged more than one hundred calls or text with her. On the day she disappeared. I mean he was. It was very apparent the control the he had over her. I'm constant constant communication and. That's very typical between him and his girl complete and total control nevertheless menace who was apparently still in Oklahoma denied this repeatedly when trap got him on the phone and I got a female menace. said that's just the mother of my child. She begged him to be honest with her and he kept insisting he knew nothing about prostitution and like injuries case you know her pimp controlled her from from Oklahoma. She's still expected to check in and let him know how much money she made and sent him the money. Unfortunately it's it's pretty common And these young girls become victims to these pimps who I think start a relationship with them and let them know that. Hey I'm GonNa take care of you. And somehow the they make it seem okay to to earn money this way and it starts with them buying them things and taking care of them and taking them to different locations and you know big confuse news that affection as love and next thing you know Jodi Eastep told me that. Her daughter met menace when she was a seventeen year. Old High School student in ardmore she would just sucked into his his lies. Mutilations when Jodi confronted Gerais Array about its ray insisted that it was her choice. That menace wasn't forcing her to do anything but then again I never believed in and reading her diary reproves that that's not what she truly wanted. I watched my daughter change from the person she wise and I watched her trying to make him. I'm happy doing everything he wanted to wanting to get out of it. He wanted that money. Wanted that money to where she decided to go. Oh he would he would say. La is the place to go. La is where the money is. You need to go out there. Yeah he's trying to get her to to go out there for a while before she wanted. But how and then white picket fence. She's always wanted that. She never really changed on what she wanted. Jodi told me that she didn't have a lot of trust in the police but she remembers a conversation with detective trap early early in the case she gave me her word and she promised me that she would not stop until she found who did this to my daughter because she was so impacted by the fact the way they they disposed of the body and how they did it. You know and I and I remember telling. Don't promise me that if you can't keep your word and she said no I give you my word. I will not rest until I find who killed her daughter. There is a sign taped to a window by detective traps cubicle in the homicide unit. It says you can't stop love. I inherited design when I it came into the unit. Tony Kanta take it down. One of the department. Philosophers had taped it up as a wry commentary on a pattern they saw constantly early in murders and suicides. Someone deranged by Jealousy and unable to let go of a husband or wife or lover and also applied to people pull mostly women who were trapped in relationships. They didn't recognize as abusive or didn't know how to escape when they finally decide to leave life that the risk for that happening occurs in sex crimes trapped once worked the case of a seventeen year old girl who had been impregnated by her pastor. Astor trap remember how hard it was to untangle. The girl's feelings of love from her sense of violation trap had seen variations on the the theme. Her whole career lost women and runaway girls. Trying desperately to fill some emptiness in the unshakable grip of bad men. Every detective draws from a well of personal experience and traps late teens had given her a sense of how easy it was for one bad choice to compound another when the circumstances dances or right before she became jealous trap back when she was still Julissa Rios. She was growing up with her parents and a younger brother and a spotless. Yellow House on Westmont drive in central Anaheim. Her mother was a homemaker who spoke little English. She had old school Catholic views and imposed a strict bricked curfew. Jalousie Rios Ran Cross country for her high school. She was working as an Anaheim police explorer winding up for Drill Inspection Matt Police Headquarters and absorbing everything she could about police work just from the very beginning. I knew that I had found my home anything that the police department treatment could use extra hands for volunteer. For that reason. You got a uniform sarin. We're getting called out once to look for evidence in a field and we would help them and do grid searches. And that's really exciting because now you're working with homicide. Detectives looking for real evidence. In no small part she says it was the site of female officers that emboldened her to pursue police work seemed female police officers doing the tasks and realizing I'm not any different than them. And if they can do it I certainly can do it. The stubbornness that got her through. The Police Academy also threatened to derail her as a teenager at sixteen. She sneaked out of the a yellow house to meet a boyfriend. Her mom found out and kicked her out to listen. Rios was a proud headstrong girl so she grabbed a red suitcase and left laughed. When my mom said to me you either obey the rules or you get out you know I said fine? I'm going to get out and Mailsi poses a why she what's she got a job at a yogurt shop in crashed with friends pretty soon. She found herself living with a guy. I twice her age. He had money. He said he loved her. Just your average looking guy who looking back. I think had a thing for younger women. He just happened to catch me in a place where I you know. I had broken up with my high school crush. My I love I've been kicked out of my home. I really had no place to go. I didn't WANNA go crawling back home because I didn't want to see Michael Failure to my parents and yeah he offered me a place to live and an alternate reality. Once when she returned from an outing with the explorers she found on the man she was living with heads. scissored up close. You hadn't wanted her to go and this was his way of punishing her during that period. She didn't talk to her mom. Mm but she kept in touch with her. Dad was her best friend and idol. You never judged her he had to say you just need to come home when her father learned that a grades had plunged from as to offset Savannah Highschool turn to Rick Martinez. The COP ran the police explorer. Our program please do something for Julie. Martinez gave her a come to Jesus speech pull it together get your grades up to seize all all your out of the explorers had very good mentors. That were by lifeline. They saw what I was going through and they pulled homicide and they said hey. What are you doing this long life goal that you have? You'RE GONNA throw it all the way here. Shut together the thought of not getting to be a COP crystallize the stakes and she made a choice. She left the older guy. She packed up her red suitcase and moved back into the Yellow House. I got a chance to live and I don't regret it because maybe who I am today But definitely not a point of my life that I would want to repeat spiraled into something more absolutely. Oh it definitely only helps me relate with some of the victims that I ran into later and understanding how impressionable and how vulnerable you are and how easy it is for someone to take advantage of a and then in a situation how difficult it is to get out especially. When you don't have resources I had resources? It was ultimately able to escape that that relationship. There's a lot of different reasons. Why women stay? She got her grades up and got into the academy. Her little brother helped her shine her boots. Her mom ran a lint cleaner over her uniform and arranged arranged her name play just so and studied the uniform for stray fibers. If the instructor saw dangling threads she'd get screamed at an Hayes Site Oh my God Rios. Are you gonNA hang yourself by that row. Her mom made big ENCHILADA dinners for her enter fellow cadets and let them practice arrest arrest techniques in the front yard. The recruit class started with thirty five people of the twenty-six who graduated. She was one of three women. These days is Julius attracts speaks of her teenage years as an abyss avoided. She'll tell you that police work saved. Her family. Saved her some kind of grace okay. So she didn't understand saved. Her Jarrai eastep might have escaped if she'd lived a little longer as trap pursued or killer. She was quickly able to rule out. The man who called himself menace whose phone records showed he'd been in Oklahoma when she vanished. Not long ago. I sent menace a letter then. He was in prison serving a fifteen year sentence for unrelated charges of racketeering. Police said he was a member of the hoover crips which was linked to a series of drive-by shootings in Oklahoma. I wanted to give him a chance to respond to the allegations about him. Pimping out. You're a the mother of his son. I asked him if he cared to comment comment on their relationship. Called me from lockup with a question is there money in that on the fourth day of the investigation detective. Active Julia traps stood in the medical examiner's office as Jerry e steps body was autopsied. That's when we start realizing just how brutal brutal her murder was and Learning a little bit more about what happened to her in the last hours of her life. We're able to see she's got a bite on her right forearm and Significant amount of bruising on her face and neck area it looked like she had been strangled or smothered third and there were signs of sexual assault. The medical examiner removed Tampon from the body which they sent to the lab in the hope it might hold identifiable DNA A trap watched as metal shavings. Were tweeted out of the victim's mouth. She wondered how they got. There may be from the garbage bin. She had been left in trapper partners detective. Jd durant and Bruce. Lynn quickly became what they called. Dr Biologists so I told you I I need. I need to know where where the trach came from. They asked Republic waste services which ran the recycling plant where the body had been found for a list of pickup locations that fed into the plant. There were hundreds of sites along trash routes that snake through Anaheim and nearby cities she had injuries stat were consistent with being crushed or compacted and so we kinda ask them like what could do that and they they tell us that. There is several uh-huh containers that do have cell compactor in them. So we asked for those i. The trash route search was too big for adjusts the homicide squad and soon dozens of Anaheim cops were fanning out to find the dumpsters trap handed out photos of the debris on the conveyor belt where he steps body had been found and she told searchers to look for trash that matched the kind of shredded Blue Tarp. The body had been wrapped in residential construction debris. Three metal shavings if there was surveillance cameras nearby. She told them to get the footage to they had to work fast before it disappeared. Surveillance cameras often a race footage automatically after a week. Initial this includes Some very large commercial facilities. He's got another list. Attractive residential homes they brought in the police explorers to help to three hundred homes large area so we drop them off and Cuma- bunch of flyers and often. Meanwhile Detectives Canvassed Beach Boulevard with Cherie steps photo and talk to what trap called every Creighton and Zombie. Who prowled the area and at the same time working on Juris cell phone records and and trying to determine who she had contact with in the past twenty four hours this led them to a man who called a dray Eastep at seven eight pm on her last night alive? The surveillance team is following him and he just looks like your typical guy hard worker. I has a family just doesn't Strike me as I'm out killing just a factory worker. Male Hispanic didn't speak English so I made the decision about thirty eight hours into the investigation to stop him. He was very cooperative and he said yes I met I met Gerais. He obviously didn't know her name. But yes. I met this woman on Beach Boulevard. I solicit her for ten minutes of sucks for forty dollars and we went to her room and we had an encounter and when I left she was very much alive. I'm not responsible for killing her. Basically he volunteer to take a polygraph. He volunteered his DNA. And setting in anything I can do to help. But ultimately I didn't kill her all day long cops throw coming by traps desk in the homicide squad to drop off. USB drives with surveillance footage of trash bins amid all her other tasks she studied it. Some you can fast forward and some you can't you know depends on the software for the videos so much much more clearer than others. It's very tedious work in you you you just you know that you have to do it. That brought no results. She got another lead from Jerry steps. Mother Jody Calls Me and she tells me the jury also had another pimp that she worked with in California. Just individually. Michael I find out this michaels on parole and he's living in Oakland Oakland so I've got a team working on him and Writing Search warns to get up on his phone and of course when they finally come back the record show. That Michael was in Oakland when this happened when she went missing there was still another suspect. An auto shop employee motel surveillance captured captured eastep climbing out of his car. Her last day alive. Police put a tracker on car and followed him for days. They ruled him out. So it's day five. I'm pretty frustrated on day. Five I'm sitting in our cafe cafe ten percent. You know we're all all all good thought happened that cafe ten percent. It's Kinda where we all game plan and their ideas out there cafe. Ten percent is a little gathering spot near her desk. Ask with a high end coffeemaker the origin of the name. She won't tell me in secret there's a mantle above the coffee machine crowded with beer-taps which which is a kind of shrine two former colleagues coors light Newcastle Goose Island. Every member of the homicide team got a specific beer. TAP even teetotallers like Bruce Lynn and it goes up on that detectives cubicle Wall so the supervisor can look through his window and see immediately. WHO's on tap up for the next murder? It's considered extremely bad luck. Amass with another detectives tap traps has the label of Dead Guy Ale in Oregon gone brew which she'll ceremoniously put on the mantle when she leaves homicide anyway. That's the cafe ten percent thus place to get a cup of coffee and I remember him sitting there. I'm pretty frustrating. I'm and I'm kind of talking to JD. And I said remember telling him like there is so much trash. How are we ever going to figure out where she came from? We have to figure out where she came from. It's the only way we're going to get anywhere. One of the detectives working the case. Mark Lillyman at an idea and he says hey. Have you thought about renting parolees on Beach Boulevard. He's like you know a lot of parolees have GPS GPS monitors now. Have you thought about running and I were going. Do you know how many parolees are going to hit on Beach Boulevard for it we we would have to run it for at least twenty four hours. How many parolees are GonNa be on Beach Boulevard? In a twenty hour period like that list is going to be humongous around around the same time trap. Supervisor asked her to meet with detectives from Santa Ana and Newport beach. Both cities had open cases on missing or murdered. Women Trap was skeptical Nicole. She had so much else to do and didn't strike her as the best use of time at this Herod Pedal to the Metal Stage in the investigation. I thought it was a little too soon to be having a meeting eating. But my Administration thought differently and I. I just kind of wanted to focus on my own murder and not take my time away from that from the start trap at wondered good weather there might be a connection between E. steps death and the disappearance of three women in Santa Ana starting five months earlier. She had seen their their faces on the news. All of the women had been working as prostitutes but it struck trap is a far fetched possibility. It meant there was a serial serial killer at work and that was extremely rare when she told the prosecutor assigned to our case about the meeting he seemed justice skeptical. Amer him thinking like sweet kid. You think there's a serial killer out there and Kinda Juggle Mike no sir. I don't think that I'm just letting you know. Oh that Santa Hat has servicing girls. I have a girl the all in the same line of work. I'm just giving you. The information trap learned that Santa Anna Detectives had the cellphone records of their missing women and so the detectives began looking for a phone number in their records that might match a a number EASTEP had called or received a number that might connect the four women but there was no common number near the beginning beginning of the third week. The forensics lab called the lab had been combing through the pieces of trash found around Jerry steps body. One of the pieces was a caulking onto the kind used home remodeling jobs. The caulking tube had one good fingerprints. The print was fed into the police database base and soon trap had the name of the man who had left it and his address was a window installer. He lived in a mobile noble home park not far from where the women disappeared in Santa Ana. She got his number. He said he would be back home in the late afternoon when his shift ended. She told him she'd come by then. She didn't say why from the Los Angeles Times and wondering. This is part two of five of detective track. If you're the victim of sexual rolex ploy to help someone who is call. The national human trafficking hotline number is one eight eight three seven three seven eight eight again. That's one eight hundred three seven three seven eight eight. If you'd like to help us spread the word. Please give us a five star review you and tell your friends to subscribe where available on Apple. PODCASTS spotify cashbox and every major listing APP as well as wonder Dot Com if you're listening on a smartphone tap or swipe over the cover art of this podcast. They'll find the episode notes including some details. You may have missed. You'll also find offers from our sponsors money support our sponsors. You help us bring you our shows for free and thank you. Detective Trap was written and reported by me. Your host was Christopher Gulford for the Los Angeles Times associate producer. Is Greta Weber story editor. Is Liza veal. Original Music by Fernando Arruda Music Music Coordinator is Marcelino via Pondo. Our Editors at the Los Angeles Times are Steve Clow and shelby grand executive produced by George George Lavender Marshal Louis and non Lopez for wondering

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October 2, 2019: The State Department inspector general will meet lawmakers on Capitol Hill

5 Things

06:38 min | 1 year ago

October 2, 2019: The State Department inspector general will meet lawmakers on Capitol Hill

"This episode of five things sponsored by Madison Reed put the time and expense of a salon behind you with Madison Reed. It's salon quality hair color delivered right to your door. Five things listeners get ten percent off plus free shipping on your first color kit with code. Five things at Madison Dash Reed Dot com good morning. I'm Taylor Wilson and this is five things. You need to know. Wednesday the second of October Twenty nineteen gene the yeah you started Steve Olympic. The State Department Inspector General is set to meet with lawmakers on Capitol Hill on Wednesday according to the Associated Press. He's expected to brief congressional congressional staff from a number of House and Senate committees on their requests for documents surrounding Ukraine development comes less than a day after secretary of state. Mike Pompeo peyot pushed to delay the congressional testimony of five State Department officials he also accused Democrats of trying to intimidate and boy career professionals in the dams fight to impeach President Donald Trump last week defended the State Department's work in Ukraine to the best of my knowledge what I've seen so far each of the actions that were undertaken by State Department officials was entirely appropriate and consistent with the objective that we've had certainly since this new government has come into office we have tried to to use this opportunity to create a better relationship between the United States and Ukraine to to build on the opportunities to title our relationship to help and corruption in Ukraine. This is what presents Alinsky ran on. We're hopeful that we can help him. Execute and achieve that it'd be a good thing for the Ukraine to be good thing for Europe it would push back against Russia in important ways as well if we could achieve that objective State Department has been working tirelessly tirelessly to try and achieve that objective and a long way to go a lot of work yet to do but everything I've seen that our team has tried to do has been aimed squarely at that foreign policy meanwhile three democratic chairmen wrote in a letter to Assistant Secretary of State John Sullivan on Tuesday night that Pompeo may be involved in a cover up. It's been reported that he listened. Dan On July twenty fifth phone call between President Trump and Ukraine's president Wlodimierz Alinsky in the call trump lobbied the leader probe twenty twenty Democratic candidate Joe Biden aiden and his son hunter who had business interests in Ukraine. It's been one year since the brutal killing of journalist Kashogi the US resident and vocal critic of Saudi Arabia disappeared inside the country's diplomatic offices in Turkey and his remains have yet to be found a United Nations report found that there was credible evidence the Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman masterminded his murder and Turkish prosecutors citing audio and other evidence said that she was injected with a sedative strangled and then dismembered his fiancee. TJ Challenges says she's still searching for justice. I am here because justice off Chamo- but a year after Koch's death the trump administration still maintains a close relationship with the Saudi regime despite international outcry and objections from some US lawmakers meanwhile Human Rights Watch and other humanitarian groups say that Saudi Arabia has escalated its arrests and convictions of dissidents and activists next up funeral services will be held in Houston on Wednesday for sheriff's Deputy Sundeep Dhaliwal who was fatally shot during a traffic stop on Friday Dhaliwal way tenure member of the force first and the first Sikh deputy and Harris County was shot while returning to his patrol car according to police forty seven year old Robert Solas who was wanted for parole violations and has a history of violent crime is being held without bond on a charge of capital murder at a vigil Harris County Sheriff Ed Gonzales said the Dalai walls. Death is incomprehensible comprehensible. He literally gave his life for the community community and you know to be shot so violently ambush styles. is just beyond. Burt Houston Chronicle reports. The funeral will be held at ten thirty. Am Central Time at the seventy two hundred seat Berry Center of North West Houston Microsoft is kicking off tech Tober. We're with a revamped to the surface at a media event in New York City the company appears set to announce new versions of it's laptop tablet hybrid device and according to Tech side verge one variation might be dual screen service the products would be the latest in a busy full of snazzy new tech gadgets from the iphone eleven to new or updated products from Gopro facebook and Amazon later this month head to USA TODAY DOT com for our guide on all the offerings and announcements coming in October and last up after a thrilling come. I'm from behind win for the Washington. Nationals over the Milwaukee brewers in the National League Wild Card game the Oakland athletics will host the Tampa Bay rays on Wednesday night for the American League's version of the One game playoff right hander Charlie Morton. We'll start for the rays while lefty Sean Mugniyah. We'll take the bump for the as and the winner gets the face the best team in baseball during the regular season in the Houston Astros who won one hundred seven games you can catch new episodes of five things Monday through Saturday on apple podcasts and river else you get yeah you're pods including the Google home and Amazon Echo you can also subscribe for free and if you'd like feel free to drop us a rating interview blessed be sure to follow and tweet tweet us at USA Today podcast and you might just get a shout out on the show five things is part of the USA Today podcast network. Take take coloring your hair at home to the next level with Madison Reed. You deserve gorgeous professional hair colored delivered to your door for less than twenty five dollars for decades. We've had two options for coloring our hair outdated at home color or the time inexpensive a salon tons of Madison Reed clients comment how their new hair-color has improved their lives for for the better. Everyone loves the results gorgeous shiny multidimensional healthy looking hair. This is great covering game changing color. You can do at home and look as if you it just came from the salon. Madison Reed Color is unique in that it's crafted by master colorist who blend nuances of light dark cool and warm to create over forty. I five stunning multi tonal shades find your perfect shade at Madison. Dash Reed Dot com five things listeners get ten percent off plus free shipping on your first color kit with code. Five things at Madison Dash Reed Dot Com. That's code five things at Madison. Dash Reed Dot Com.

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Oklahoma City Bombing, Part 1

The First Degree

51:43 min | 10 months ago

Oklahoma City Bombing, Part 1

"Thank you for listening to this podcast one production. Now, available on Apple podcasts podcast one spotify and anywhere else you get your podcast. It's been over six months in we pretty much been stuck inside our homes and I don't know about you. But I am ready to color my hair and the best thing is you can do it at home with Madison Reed. You can take calling your hair at home to the next level with Madison, Reed and get gorgeous professional hair color delivered to your door starting at twenty two dollars you know for decades, women have had two options for coloring their hair is either outdated at home color or the time inexpensive a traditional salon but many Madison Reed clients comment about how their new hair color has. Improved their lives and women love the result. It's gorgeous shiny multidimensional, healthy looking hair and this game changing color. You can do at home and look if you just came from the salon and what makes Madison Reed Color unique is that it's crafted by master color blend nuances of light dark cool and warm tones to create over fifty five gorgeous multidimensional shades. A new can go and find your perfect shade and Madison Dash Reed Dot Com in I agree listeners get ten percent off plus free shipping on their first caller kit with code first degree podcast as code I, E podcast and Madison Dash Reed Dot Com. Plus degree. Post agree, I agree. I agree the first degree? Supposed to have it in movies. While they had all those, you know a Visa cards from the library. And all these kids surrounding it, biting their nails, staring Hor, and watching. The news footage that everybody else was watching. We were watching this real time. There was no time delay. Sure watching it as it happened. and. What am I fellow student? She was a grade below me. And She saw her mother. Being carried out. And She didn't make. Welcome to the first degree true crime podcast that you might end up on my name is Jack Van Eck and I'm sitting three thousand miles away from Alexis linkletter and Billy Jensen. Hey Hey guys. Here, we are living together. I'll I wonder if our listeners can really like here and feel the palpable? Energy between the two of you right now, we are sitting in a court table in a basement and Cya cy asset New York and there is a bureau here that I wonder like if they got a teenage high school students at to put it together, it's like Delic in the weirdest ways, it's so not cy asset it should be in some weird. Sort of East village type of thing. But we're digging it. We're we're just rolling with it some weird like sex basement or something. No we wouldn't say that I think that it probably was. One or two toned it down a lot. I'm like how how has this tone down I don't understand but allegedly she this is a toned down version to the right of us is a screening room with like six seats. They're like red lazy boy recliners Ooh the. Giant. projector whole down thing just a crazy setup I mean I'm I'm really into it like wood-paneled walls and it's really great. We would have been bored quarantining without it. But. Yeah. No, I mean billy's my roomie. It's been a delight. Here we are. Billy Day is billy alright. It's national great. American Potpie Day. I love a good chicken pot pie nothing better than a pot pie or shepherd's pie with some shredded beef in it. Oh I mean that is just I was forget about Potpie. I never like ordering Potpie sort of like one of those things where you're you're you're basically telling everybody in the restaurant I'm going to eat this I'm going to go home and I'm going to go to sleep that's it There's nothing there's nothing else you're definitely not going to go rage after a Popeye you're not getting wasted. There's no, there's too much junk in your stomach after that what I WANNA do is I want to challenge myself to make a pot by with all of my favorite Thanksgiving fixings. Turkey mashed. Potatoes. gravy Popeye corn. Bread crusts. Yes. I will make that I. Need to see A. pinterest recipe for this. This sounds I just made that up. I know I'm GONNA make it. I just wonder if it exists already, this is a great great. Redcross isn't that a good idea? If. You're into it I don't like cooked fruit but like a cranberry sauce drizzle Oh. Yeah. ooh We're doing that she group Yes but also it's national snack stick day so I will bring like a slim. jims. Yeah. I'll bring the slim jims. Yeah. That's all billy's capable of as someone who's lived with him I'm like, can you cook anything? He's like now do we want to bring up the fact bill doesn't know how to cook a hamburger. Yeah I asked. Elated Grill. Do all this stuff going to make this Sodom dip I'm GonNa make this eight layer dip and he's just you can do the grill right you can release burgers and he's like I don't know how to do that. I mean university Jelly Sandwich. Bill. A. Serial it's all. There S my children on your worst than me in the kitchen. Cook for your kids and he said cereal for dinner. Billy, you're lucky that you've had other people. View. Wow. Okay. Well, that's enough of that. So let's turn down the lights and turn up your anxiety because this could be you. Depending on your generation, we have those defining moments of our childhood those moments that are frozen in time. You can recall exactly where you were who you were sitting next to the imagery of those seconds in technicolor for baby boomers it's the Kennedy assassination for Gen xers. It's the challenger explosion and for my generation, it's nine eleven. In those moments are seared into our memory but imagine how you would feel if you were a child watching these events unfold on TV not knowing if a loved one was there at one of these sites. At one of these events was dead our life. Today's case takes us back to April, nineteenth of nineteen ninety-five. The this is how we do it by Montell Jordan take a bow by Madonna and red light special by TLC were topping the charts and movies like bad boys and a goofy movie wherein theaters the setting for today's case Oklahoma. City. Now the name Oklahoma comes from the choctaw words Okla meaning people and. Meaning rent. In terms of land, Area Oklahoma City is the fourth largest in the nation. Only Anchorage Jacksonville and Houston encompass more square miles. But when it comes to Oklahoma City. Much of that area is rural and sparsely populated when pinpointing exactly or today's story begins and folding, we're starting on a school bus on the way to oaks middle school where I agree Meghan was an eighth grade student. Morning routine was mom was usually gone. We had to take the bus to school every day. My big sister is in high school me and my little sister both in middle school ninety five so I would have been fourteen temporary I was the youngest in my class. Megan's Day was normal. She went about her normal routine and shuffled from one class to the next time was approaching. Nottingham then. They felt that. This was. Second period for me. And this was art class. Beautiful Day Which is Really really rare one of the. Walls. was complete plate glass window. We heard it. We all got a noses to the window fingerprints everywhere. You know all over the window and we're like know spor clout. But it's not unusual to Oklahoma, weather changes every two hours we heard it we heard it again whole building shook, and then we saw smoke rising. And as a thirteen year old. In Middle School who saw the explosion? WHO's felt it. saw the entire skyline go up. It looks like. A fireplace. I don't think any of us even crying I. Think we're we can kinda just standing there. And we're just like immobile like. We were kids can wrap our brains around anything except what is going on and where's my mom? That was my sister was my aunt, my uncle. Following the sound of an explosion, you can almost picture the ripple effects of what happened next the confused looks that crept onto the faces of the teachers at Oaks Middle School. More from you wilder meant to fear before transforming to terror. Panic set in in the school administrators instructed teachers to bring all the students to the school's library. While they had all those, you know those Av cards in the library. And all these kids surrounding it, biting their nails and just staring in horror and watching. The news footage that everybody else was watching. News what happened made its way through the school? There's been an explosion at the Alfred p Murrah Federal Building. When they said, it was the federal building. And at first they thought it was a guest ball. What went through my head was. As a thirteen year old I knew mom. worked. Tallest building in the city. House Tower. I had no idea the proximity. I had no idea how many people were hurt how widespread the damage was now looking back everybody knows exactly how far away they were. I never even thought about that as a child I'm like. Where's my mom? How close was she? Did she get out? And I just didn't know I was ignorant I didn't know enough. About the layout. I just knew my mom was there. So, at the time of the explosion, the building was the place for business for approximately six, hundred federal and contract workers. As well as an estimated two, hundred, fifty visitors daily. Now there were a lot of federal agencies in this structure. The. Secret? Service. The Department of Housing and Urban Development. Social Security. The US Army. The US Marine Corps. The Veterans Administration. The General Accounting Office, the Department of Health and Human Services Permanent Defense us. Customer Service. Department of Agriculture. Department of Transportation. General Services Administration the Office at the Federal Employees Credit Union. And and this is important the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms. But also in the building was the America's Kids Childcare Development Center. which served as a daycare center for many of the employees at the building. Of course, there is continuous coverage. None of that. I remember as vividly I remember watching the live coverage from my classroom on those easy cards. And we recently. Thought about it. You know these teachers are watching TV the same thing you know they kept the office as usual. They were trying to keep us focused and calm. And I can't applaud them enough I. Wish I could call every single one of them right now we were watching this real time. There was no time delay sorta washing it as it happens and. One of my fellow students she was a grade below me. and. She saw her mother. Being carried out. And She. This was the reality of the situation within moments of the bomb detonating the area within close proximity to the federal building resembled a war zone. Nearly. A third of the building was reduced to a pile of rubble and debris and expose the interior of the buildings nine floors. The blast torched countless vehicles in damaged or flattened upwards of three hundred buildings in the area. The sheer force of the explosion such facetti that it caused the first and second floors to be blown against the southern portion of the building while the third through ninth floors were initially raised by the blast and flattened on top of each other onto the street below. Damage extended to the city's downtown area covering approximately forty eight square blocks. Cars were overturned on fire blocks away from the explosion. The Regency Tower, a twenty four story two, hundred, seventy, three unit apartment complex located one block to the West was hit with damage. Directly north of the building the two story Oklahoma Water Resources Board Office Building, the Journal Record Building and the Finian building were badly damaged. Along, with the first Methodist Church and Ymca to the east, the federal courthouse, the South and the Saint Joseph, old, cathedral and rectory, and the US post office to the West. Back at OAKS Middle School Meghan, her classmates were reeling. The thing about my mom is I thought she could be dead. And I'm in eighth grade. There's no cell, there's no social media the phone lines were dead. The phone lines were dead and that's because the blast from the bomb knocked out primary and backup phone lines for the emergency medical services is. In fact nine one one was the only emergency communication remaining this cause more than just confusion but also prevented individuals with loved ones in these buildings from getting answers about the status of their loved ones safety. It was literally a matter of life or death, but people were forced to wait in one of those people was Meghan. I was in office. Hours trying to get through to my mom. And we get a dial tone and dial out and no busy signal. It was just dead air hundreds of thousands of people didn't know their loved ones were alive or not. We just have to sit there and wait and wait and wait and wait. As loved ruins waited for news, the rescue effort began immediately. Fire EMT's police even civilians who just couldn't sit by as their city burned. They enter the structure which was just demolished. And they join this massive search and rescue effort. And rescuers could be seen risking their own lives in the effort to pull from the rubble anyone who could have survived the blast and who could be still inside but incapacitated. So people formed these human chains. And the person at the top of the chain with lead and move the chain into the building. They were sort of like holding hands. If. They found someone they could quickly pull them out of the building this way. And, why why do they need chains? You're thinking y you have to remember there was smoke and dust in the air you couldn't see. Visibility was obstructed. And there weren't any lights in the building. It was blind chaos. And the clock was ticking. Because each second could get so close to death because they could succumb to injuries or smoke inhalation. And as if this nightmare wasn't bad enough during the search and rescue, there were two bomb scares. And when the alarm of a potential secondary device was sounded. Everyone had to stop stop searching and run away from the scene. Rescue workers can start up again until the coast was clear. Right, and while all this is going on some students at Megan, school were getting picked up by the parents but not all of them. So. You know when you find the perfect dress, it looks amazing on you but maybe there's one little spot. Do you WANNA be smoothed out? You know what you gotta get some shape wear I love shape wear and my favorite spot to get them is that she mint dot com. So shape shaper mint smooths you out it feels comfortable and it really boosts your confidence and they have everything on shaper dot com they have all the best products from. The best brands, there's tanks, shorts, there's bodysuits and more. 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When you use our Promo Code first degree at trike halpern, dot com slash first degree. You can try caliber CBD risk free for thirty days, and if you don't love it, they'll give you a full refund. That's try Callapollo dot com slash first degree, and don't forget the Promo Code versus for twenty percent off your first order. Students would be. called. Out of class there quietly. And each time it happened. There would be like this hush that came over the classroom. And it's like everybody's holding your breath and. Some of the students would come back Y- tears and shaking and saying she's okay or he's okay. And then you could just hear like all at once audible. Sigh of these children being thankful for their cost me that their MOM's. It's like everybody was grasping onto. Oh. Thank God you know. Oh. Thank. God. She's okay I I don't know where I've never met the woman I've never met him. Oh, thank God there's another one that safe. And then there were soon, it's called out and. They never came back. I. Don't know if their parents have come to pick them up. I don't know if it was bad news. And that's why they never came back. I realized that the school isn't sending anybody home. They couldn't because they didn't know if there was a mother or father to go home to for that child, they couldn't stop classes if a parent wanted to come pick up a child, they would my mom couldn't. Mama's incoming. The fact that Megan's mom hadn't picked her up created a fear and Megan and it's difficult to describe unless you've experienced it yourself. I don't think there's any word that can do it justice I mean. I in wrack my brain all day people say terror people say scared people say whore five people say all kinds of words and I can't compare it to anything I can't. It was just I felt like I was GONNA explode inside. I was. Like suspended. And I was either going to. Solve down to this thing that renting pit. I was GONNA. Stay suspended or I was going to be lifted up. Megan's mom usually picks her up from school but as the hours ticked by she realized she wasn't coming. So I took the bus on that day. And? I got off the bus. My little sister gets off the bus and my big sister gets off the following. US. And we're like in block stop. Meghan. Under sisters walk towards the home, not knowing if their mom would be there or if she was buried in the chaos of the Alfred p Murrah building the structures that surrounded it. For me to get. To my house to the front door. Comes out racing from. The House across the street. And she got her all in her arms and. Her legs went out from under her we all just kind of collapsed their middle of thirty street. I don't know I don't remember how long we were there. And my mom said. What? Out of there was distinguished I gotta get home tonight baby gotta get home. My baby's I gotta get home to my baby. And so when she grabbed us. First word she's my baby. So my baby's. Megan's mom June had made it. My mom says, she's the wise. I don't see any blood she was relatively unscathed. Debris and everything over her but she wasn't hurt. She didn't have a broken bone. I was worried for her. I was scared for her because this is my mother. This is the strongest woman that I. Still Strongest Woman that I've ever known. And Physically Megan's mother had survived her process towards healing mentally would not be only difficult but ongoing. For she was able to even talk about it. She has a nightmare so Later later, she would tell me these she has these nightmares. Just hearing it. And she's waking screaming and sitting up in bed. Sweating crying. I'm sure she has. PTSD I think a lot of. A Lot. Of Oklahoma. Do. Whether they were there whether they knew anybody. It was just this impact on our community that body was just shattered broken and empty inside and She's hurting so godly. And I don't think my relief was. As big as my concern for her, it's like my law is hurting so bad. This is my rock. I'm. Still, terrify because I can't fix her. So there's this instant. Really isn't even a word. And then there's this terror all over again. Your mom hurting the person you love most in the world is hurting. So badly, it's like I. Wish I could take that pain my loved ones. I would rather take that pain upon myself than watch them go through it. and. Experiencing that with my mother. I think that was my first. Experience with that and it. Stayed with me. And that feeling that day was. You don't even have to speak a word. He knew what that other person was feeling? They do what you were feeling. And you could see any each other's is but. One Young Had to raise, US. She still have to remain strong. For us. So, it was years before I knew the details especially, the very, very, very, very specific details. Unlike like Meghan said, it was years before June share the details of her experience and when she finally did tell her children, she started at the very beginning with the blast. The first thing she told us was. that it felt like her entire building. had been lifted hundred feet in the air and then drop. When the blast went off then chaos horror and of course concern. People around her. Were rushing here and there where selling where so and so where so and so everybody's trying to locate where everybody was in the building. Next hyper focus survival instincts. She said she went into autopilot. She couldn't make it through and less. She protected herself and her way of protecting herself was. Going through muscle memory putting herself on. Route they were finally like June get out get out we have to leave and they had to take the elevator down they couldn't scarce now. So they're in combined small-state space everybody holding hands in the elevator tears running down their face and you know my mom consider herself a any particular religion. But they all set the Lord's prayer on their way down. June made it outside. And then my mom had to find their way to the car, which was her next hurdle because it was in the parking garage. So she was trying to figure out the safest route. To. Her car. So she got as quickly to the parking garage she could. She didn't. WanNa take the elevator up. Because she was scared of being combined. Know what was going to happen next? So she walked upstairs. To I think she was on the fourth floor of the parking garage. And then her neck turtle was. How Do I get. Home which way do I go? I can't down I forty emergency vehicles need to go that way. I can't go down Reno. Do I go nor do I go this way? And unfortunately the way she went. She said their police cars, fire trucks going all around her and she said I've pressed that accelerators hard as I could. And she's going around like. Concrete and glass. And remnants of buildings. And she's like. 'cause I get pulled over out. Give a what happened. She got home as quickly as she could I don't know how long that actually took her unless of felt like ours it could have been ours is she still won't tell me exactly. What she saw I think it's too hard for her and she doesn't want to put that on me I. Know She saw. People. And Parts. Even saying your worst nightmare, it's not even. Worthy. And finally. Home. He got home. And she tried to phone phone couldn't works through and. She can get hold of them. I gotta get a hold of and she couldn't. And the neighbors across the street just saw through the storm door that my mom was just kinda standing there in the middle of the. House. And without asking the neighbor just came over and ran through the. The door. And grab her and said, are you okay and? She's like, no. And not. Okay. And you have to realize that the totality of this experience really living at the trauma of session event is beyond comprehension. If you haven't been close to something similar yourself, my mother is Welsh she comes from town of Cardiff and. She endured. So. Much. She survived and was there during the IRA bombings. Four ten. There was just a death there was. Over three hundred injuries people lost them. The blast. All. that. Took down the city I mean. Almost every building was destroyed condemn. There were no windows left. I don't think anywhere. Where I was eight miles away. The plate glass, window was. Out, if a tornado was over. And I can't even imagine being. that. Close to it. At the time of the explosion hundreds of individuals were inside the Alfred P. Murrah building hundreds more works in the buildings within close proximity. More than eight hundred people were injured in this bombing injuries ranging from cuts and scrapes. To severe sprains to broken bones, severe crush injuries, or loss of extremities. Many of those injured were trapped inside the building and under debris for extended periods of time. One hundred and sixty eight people lost their lives as a direct result of this bombing which included volunteer rescue worker who was killed during the rescue efforts. In very very sadly nineteen of those who died were children. My mother's sitting in the other room watching television relaxing the couch we have food in our bellies. I can go and hug her I can kiss her good night. She still strong. I I can't portray how strong she is and I still think she's helped me through some rough rough times. And she never faltered. On threes episode, we covered the Oklahoma City bombing. which had a profound emotional impact on not only the family and friends of those killed and injured in this act of terrorism but also extended to all Oklahoma and brought broader still to Americans as a whole. On today's episode, we shared with you the experience of what a single family endured on the heels of this tragedy. In next week, we'll take through the investigation and explain how law enforcement arrested the domestic terrace perpetrated the sickening act of violence. A huge. Thank you for Megan for being our I. Agree on this episode if you have a story to tell, please email us hello at the first degree podcast. Dot Com follow us on Instagram at the first degree out Alexis linkletter at Bill Johnson at Jack Vanik join our facebook group. We're talking lots of true crime stuff and also not true crime stuff and stick around because we're gonNA kill some time. Remember. Only you can prevent serial killers. Keep your friends close. CLO-. Chicken Potpie Day. Abby snacktime day next day and they're more days. No. Snacks Dick data's. Slim Jams. A big thanks to jared Monica who does all of our sound design and music production? They shut out the production team Caitlyn Cleveland Taylor Rogers Allen Santiago at podcast one research sources for today's episode include the FBI CNN The Washington. Post court documents, ABC News, and as always our first degree guests is always our largest source. Sue. Chico. Said Mr Worldwide homedepot victim Paris I had the US real name. The podcast from negative to positive but you could catch the podcast podcast one spotify flow to rattle. I don't even know if you know how much they play you'll on the Roy anywhere my brother no matter how much bread remained off you can't take with right how many houses cars whatever we acquired can't take with with I said, anything we make is always backed up. Why are we starting to podcast? We'll it's real simple with the times we live in right now in the world I think you need to be motivated inspired educated aware. Positive. So what I'm here is this to motivate the world. Let him know we talk because? You won't get a troop four to the podcast out Ford, the show, a job teaching you how to take it from a negative to a positive. So get rid from negative to positive, which you can catch on the podcast podcast one in spotify. If, you have high interest, credit card debt you need to check out upstart there. The revolutionary online lending platform that knows you're more than just a credit score and now's the time to find out how your upstart rate can help you pay off high interest credit card debt unlike other lenders of can rewards you based on your education and job history in the form of a smarter rate and absurd lets you skip going to the bank because it's completely online and they offer loans from one thousand and fifty thousand dollars. You can consolidate your debt into one easy fixed rate payment and upstart makes it fast and. Simple to check your rate and since his just a poll, it won't affect your credit score. The hard pool happens except the rate and proceed with your application. So see what upstart has a four point nine out of five star rating on trust pilot and hurried up start dot com slash first degree to find out how low your upstart rate can actually be and checking your rate only takes a few minutes. So go up Sir dot com slash first degree. Your loan amount will be determined based on your credit income in certain other information provided and you're loan application not all applicants will qualify for the full amount. Do, you knew the right now gyco is offering an extra fifteen percent credit on car motorcycle and RV policies. That's fifteen percent on top of all the money that Geico could already save you. So what are you waiting for your dog to make you breakfast in bed as nice as that sounds it's probably never gonNA happen but at least there's never been a better time to switch to geico save an extra fifteen percent when you switch October seventh visit Geico Dot. Com to learn more. All right. We'll welcome to another episode of killing time and you know before we start this off because billy says he has. Some special surprise or some bullshit. But before we do this, I have a question for you to and that question is. How were the spicy chicken? Nuggets. They. So it's really funny. The previous evening prior to the night to the day spicy chicken nuggets came out I wanted to get chicken nuggets and billy shamed me into waiting because he's like you really WanNa do this the day before the spicy mets. Shaming wait. So this was at. Bobby. So we're talking about the McDonald's spicy chicken nuggets the you wanted to go to McDonalds the night before, but you told you to wait for the for the spice. Yeah. Okay. I said okay fine and then I went to bed hungry and sad. So the next day we were hungover in the morning it was eleven o'clock in the morning and it was just like we're doing this we were hungry we'd like drank bourbon and we have a hot tub here. So it was like we were dehydrated so we were hung over we were trying to work, and then we just ordered so much McDonald's we got regular nuggets we got spicy nuggets ten piece each got big MACs. Billy got a cheeseburger happy meal with a mini fry even though we got like three huge fries in many prices, tastes tastes better in the happy meal because it's like seven of in there and the F. to savor each one. So I, love the mini fries well, you know the The. Life. Hack at McDonald's is you get your fries on salted right because that makes them new batch for you and then you saw Tim Apparently apparently the McDonald's people hate that like McDonalds workers are just like assure. Yeah really not about them. Right now what if you're on the low sodium diet or something and then and then you ask for five packets assault didn't it used to be McDonalds, have it your way or is that Burger King? McDonald's. Duh. So. The Spicy Chicken Nuggets for. MAZING were they. When we order them on post meets they got us in probably ten minutes tight. Perfect Crisp on the outside piping hot steamy delicious hot on the inside. It was perfection spice like what are what kind of a spicer we talk about it had a kick and really like after like fifteen or twenty seconds. So it's like a ghost pepper. Yeah and And I will say this. McDonalds, where whereas the sponsorship for first degree. Seriously, you know who just followed me on instagram Billy del Taco del. TACO. Shell Tacos all about they sent, they sent me a gift card for twenty five dollars did that we'll see. Hates del Taco. Because his Taco bells his favorite restaurant in the world like if he can eat anywhere, he did it art art will del Taco I liked it don't talk. Oh Fridays. The critical fries are delicious. There may be in my top five fry. The big fat crispy chicken Taco from Del. TACO is one of my all time favorites Jacqueline. We were living together in Hollywood party days. I would go get them all know timing and they don't have them all the time they brought them back. Yes. So del Taco, we know that your social media team probably isn't a connected to your advertising aren't. But make that connection right now also talk about I exist too. So I know McDonalds Gal and I don't ever think. I. Don't think I've seen actually you know has McDonald's. I can't remember if any of these fast food places ever do podcast sponsorships because they don't probably have to me that they need to. Somebody's got to care don't. Whatever whatever they don't need to but it's posted Ron. Okay. So the rating of the Spicy Chicken Nuggets is ten out of ten. Yeah Oh. Yeah. All right I would say I still love the original more really I. Yeah. I just love and nugget. I just love the original nuggets I. Love Spicy. But I'm a catch up person and people think this is blasphemous. Zip. Minded Nuggets and catch up. But. You can't dip the spicy ones in ketchup because they've got like, what are you supposed to dipped them in ranch ranch was Really good I would love to see a blue cheese. If if they would come out with a Baluchi. Sick. See I just had a recent love affair with just honey with the McDonald's honey I was going to be feel Aka really wasn't a stall gic and brought me back to being lazy. All's flavor vibe kind of it straight just straight honey. It's delicious. Highly recommend guys but I I do a whole plethora of sauce when I do because I'm like, if I'm going to do it. Do it right when you're gonNA have much more org of sauces if you will all the sauces what sauces you on I'm like, what's us do I not want yeah. Sway me away from a Saas, I? Can't I dare you. Okay tentative ten for the chicken night I'm happy about that I. Definitely. Need to wait until I'm hung over because I feel like that's when they're the best. Yeah it's a perfect for that. Okay. So Billy, you said you had something for killing time and I'm just interested to see what the hell does could be. Yes. So we were walking in away from this Quarantine House that we're in walking in the woods and we started thinking about. Winnie the Pooh Winnie the Pooh characters. And we started saying like which we did the characters are we Okay With saying that she was tigger. Okay I need a little bit of a refresh on the on the characters personalities Oh my God do you want to hear something funny I thought Billy was going in a completely different direction what we were talking about on this you talked about okay we'll get there but here I want to be. But give it tell me what I need a refresher the character I haven't like. Okay. So there is wise Alal-. There's this Pantelis Pu. There is the rabbit who kind of looks like like sunken I'd grandmother of sorts. Here's your than tigger. piglet. I'm take away. So what I be Winnie the Pooh because he never wears pants. We thought you might say. Wearing a crop top and no pants. are of the show. So I was like she's GonNa. Do He has my definitely my style icon? Yeah, and like you literally just said you're dipping shitting honey so I think this speaks for itself. But what did you think what did you think I would be No we thought. Okay I thought it was like I thought I would be but I'm really something else. And we also thought. So. I'm one of the PU. What's what's billy? Your obviously. Broke. But like literally I'm glad we talked about this but this is not what I thought. We were going to talk about I thought when he's like we're GonNa talk about the thing we talked about earlier earlier that day. I said, you know this isn't the only the only city we have to visit together and I was saying how happy I was that we were in a house because it's so collaborative like we can go down to the table, your lavery and he's like. I really like having my privacy though and I was like Oh do you because the day before billion I checked our screen time on our phones. Re our his was eleven. So my you need your privacy to what sit on your you scan. That's all he does, and then we checked for all the weeks that was never lower than nine hours a day. Like Bill How do you? I need to just sit on your phone all day. I. Probably have that my my screen times probably Oh, I write on my phone I, edit on my phone I do a lot in my rights so you need your privacy to just sit on your thoughts. Okay just. So we're clear just sort clear. That's because I was like bill you're not that interesting I love you but like Privacy you think you need as someone who's lived at the now for two straight weeks. All you to do. Viana I'm sorry I didn't bring my. Like grading pottery, you need your privacy. He's actually usually like if you're going to have privacy in alone time, it will be like. Are You doing a meditation? Are you reading a book? Are you like doing a seance like Abdu Elizabeth in any way? No. On your phone. Possibly, googling Billie Johnson. Literally just honest phone eleven hours a day, which is the amount of time. He's awake I'm like you don't need privacy dude love you but you don't. That is create I. Just looked at Mina my average is like four hours so. I thought it would be way worse than that because I feel like I am always on my phone, but that's not as bad as I thought that eleven hours. Do I honestly I think some of it spotify. Your screen is locked. It doesn't count. It's only open and active learn how to lock your phone and you said You, what's Today screen? Time Billy Chuck. It. Where you're most use APPS because everybody's is Instagram, you know what? Today daily over six all right but it's only eight thirty, six hours and sixteen minutes right now. But we were with a with someone all day working modifies an hour and a half. podcasts hour and five minutes. Messages is forty minutes. Male is thirty nine facebook is twenty-seven instagram's twenty, two finder is nineteen. is because his phones open. Because a down. Whatever? Litter this is an we were literally engaged in a meeting for like of the day today. Had we not done that he would have been on for eleven hours? Maybe twelve some days it was thirteen it's crazy. I don't even know am I awake for I guess amyloid for thirteen. Do Shower. Do share with my phone and listen I'm listening to audiobook book on my phone you know. A that's I don't think we need to do a little pole and have everybody in our facebook group post their screen time to see if this is not yes, I shot. You want screen shot proof five. But what's your? What's your average screen time? You're just got home. We're going to ask him because. You, search swipe to the left. Okay. Well, what? Do. You find it. It. Is it's on the search page. Isn't it was not? Well. We hope that people are off their phones for a little bit. Have you guys watched the social dilemma? That's how we got the conversation. We really really doing it while we were watching this social dilemma in our screening room in our movie theater in our house. You're right. Next year right now we're at the card table with these psychedelic background near the bar near the screening room. You guys have a bar. Yeah. Doesn't want to be dress up as a bartender belly does every night Jared just changed his two zero minutes. Jared that's not that's okay. Whatever jared I get it the screen time shame is real as proved by Billy Sinai. Screen screen time. While what's the word I'm looking for denial is also true billy. Jared is screen time. Denier. As is billy billy's screen time denier. This is like an it's like a climate change denier. The new thing is screen time denier. It's almost worse than a flatter author. Almost right. It's they are going to go hand in hand like the facebook groups will crossover. Once you're in a flatter than you're going into screen time denier honey algorithms. All right well I. Think we killed some time I think we kills enough time Let's call it time death twelve minutes seven seconds beep. Better be billy. I'm billy. Jared by. GEICO knows. There are many reasons why you ride from the Camaraderie of the other bikers, a band of brothers always there for you rain or shine to the amazing savings you get with Geico on your motorcycle insurance and accessories coverage all year round. But for Bucking Horn knew it was one reason in particular it was my helmet hair was born with helmet hair I've tried to cut it a bunch of times even buzzing it, but it immediately just goes back down here. Geigo motorcycle fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more.

billy billy Megan US Meghan Oklahoma spotify Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Department of Housing and Urba McDonald jared Monica Oklahoma City Madison Dash Reed Dot Com Geico Oaks Middle School Methodist Church and Ymca Instagram Billy Day del Taco
Oklahoma City Bombing, Part 1

The First Degree

51:13 min | 10 months ago

Oklahoma City Bombing, Part 1

"Thank you for listening to this podcast one production. Now, available on Apple podcasts podcast one spotify and anywhere else you get your podcast. It's been over six months in we pretty much been stuck inside our homes and I don't know about you. But I am ready to color my hair and the best thing is you can do it at home with Madison. Reed you can take calling your hair at home to the next level with Madison Reed and get gorgeous professional hair color delivered to your door starting at twenty two dollars you know for decades, women have had two options for coloring their hair is either outdated at home color or the time inexpensive a traditional salon. Madison Reed clients comment about how their new hair color has improved their lives and women love the result. It's gorgeous shiny multidimensional, healthy looking hair and this game changing color. You can do at home and look if you just came from the salon and what makes Madison Reed Color unique is that it's crafted by master color blend nuances of light dark cool and warm tones create over fifty five gorgeous multidimensional shades a you can go and find your perfect shade and Madison Dash Reed Dot Com in I agree listeners get ten percent off plus free shipping on their first caller kit with code first degree podcast as code I e podcast and Madison Dash Reed Dot Com. Plus degree post agree. I. Agree. I agree the first degree. Supposed to have it in movies. While they had all those you know. Those Av. Gary. And all these kids surrounding it, biting their nails, staring Hor, and watching. The news footage that everybody else was watching we were watching this real time. There was no time delay through watching it as it happened. and. What am I fellow student? She was a grade below me. and. She saw her mother. Being carried out. And She didn't make. Welcome to the first degree true crime podcast that you might end up on my name is Jack Van Eck and I'm sitting three thousand miles away from Alexis linkletter and Billy Jensen. Hey Hey guys. Here. We are living together. I'll I wonder if our listeners can really like here and feel the palpable Energy between the two of you right now, we are sitting in a court table in a basement and Cya cy asset New York, and there is a bureau here that I wonder like if they got a teenage high school students at to put it together, it's psychedelic in the weirdest ways it's so not cy asset it should be in some weird. Sort of East village type of thing. But we're digging it. We're we're just rolling with it. Some weird like sex basement or something. No we wouldn't say that I think that it probably was. One or two toned it down a lot. I'm like how how has this tone down I don't understand but allegedly she this is a toned down version to the right of us is a screening room with like six seats like Red Lazy Boy recliners Ooh the. Giant projector whole down thing just a crazy setup I mean I'm I'm really into it like wood-paneled walls and it's really great. We would have been bored quarantining without it. But yeah, no, I mean billy's my roomie. It's been a delight. Here we are. Billy Day is billy alright. It's national great American Potpie. Day. I love a good chicken pot pie. There's nothing better than a pot pie or shepherd's pie with some shredded beef in it. Oh, I mean that is just I was forget about Potpie. I never like ordering a pot pie sort of like one of those things where you're you're you're basically telling everybody in the restaurant I'm going to eat this I'm going. To Go home and I'm going to go to sleep That's it There's nothing there's nothing else. You're definitely not going to go rage after a Popeye you're not getting wasted. There's no, there's too much junk in your stomach after that. What I WANNA do is I. Want to challenge myself to make a pot by with all of my favorite Thanksgiving fixings. Turkey mashed potatoes. Torn gravy Popeye Corn Bread crusts. Yes I will make that I. Need to see A. pinterest recipe for this. This sounds I just made that up I. Know I'm GonNa make it. I just wonder if it exists already, this is a great great. Redcross isn't that a good idea? If you're into it. I don't like cooked fruit but like a cranberry sauce drizzle Oh. Yeah. ooh We're doing that she group Yes but also it's national snacks stick day so I will bring like a slim. jims. Yeah. I'll bring the slim jims. Yeah. That's all billy's capable of as someone who's lived with him. I'm like, can you cook anything? He's like now do we want to bring up the fact bill doesn't know how to cook a hamburger. Yeah I asked elated grill. Do all this stuff going to make this Sodom dip. I'm GonNa make this eight layer dip and he's just you can do the grill right? You can release burgers and he's like, I don't know how to do that. I Mean University Jelly Sandwich Bill A. Serial it's all. There S my children on your worst than me in the kitchen. Cook for your kids and he said cereal for dinner. Billy? You're lucky that you've had other people. View. Wow okay. Well, that's enough of that. So let's turn down the lights and turn up your anxiety because this could be you. Depending on your generation. We have those defining moments of our childhood those moments that are frozen in time. You can recall exactly where you were who you were sitting next to the imagery of those seconds in technicolor for baby boomers. It's the Kennedy assassination for Gen xers. It's the challenger explosion and for my generation, it's nine eleven. In those moments are seared into our memory but imagine how you would feel if you were a child watching these events unfold on. TV. Not Knowing if a loved one was there at one of these sites. At one of these events was dead our life. Today's case takes us back to April nineteenth of nineteen ninety-five. The this is how we do it by Montell. Jordan. Take a bow by Madonna and red light special by TLC were topping the charts and movies like bad boys and a goofy movie wherein theaters the setting for today's case Oklahoma City. Now, the name Oklahoma comes from the choctaw words Okla meaning people and. Meaning rent. In. Terms of Land Area Oklahoma City is the fourth largest in the nation. Only, Anchorage Jacksonville and Houston encompass more square miles. But. When it comes to Oklahoma City, much of that area is rural and sparsely populated when pinpointing exactly or today's story begins and folding, we're starting on a school bus on the way to oaks middle school where I agree Meghan was an eighth grade student. Morning routine was mom was usually gone. We had to take the bus to school every day. My big sister is in high school me and my little sister votes in middle school ninety five. So I would have been fourteen temporary the youngest in my class. Megan's Day. Was Normal. She went about her normal routine and shuffled from one class to the next time was approaching Nottingham then. They felt that. This was. Second period for me. And this was art class. Beautiful Day. which is. Really, really rare one of the. Walls was complete plate glass window. We heard it. We all got a noses to the window fingerprints everywhere. You know all over the window and we're like spor clout. But, it's not unusual to Oklahoma weather changes. Every two hours we heard it, we heard it again, the whole building shook, and then we saw smoke rising. And as a thirteen year old. In Middle School who saw the explosion who's felt it. saw. The entire skyline go up. It looks like. A fireplace. I don't think any of for even crying I. Think we're we can kinda just standing there. and. We're just like immobile like. We were kids can wrap our brains around anything except what is going on and where's my? That was my sister, my aunt. Where's my uncle? Following the sound of an explosion, you can almost picture the ripple effects of what happened next the confused looks that crept onto the faces of the teachers at Oaks Middle School. Looks at more from you wilder meant to fear before transforming to terror. Panic set in in the school administrators instructed teachers to bring all the students to the school's library. While they had all those, you know those Av cards in the library. And all these kids surrounding it, biting their nails and just staring in horror and watching. The news footage that everybody else was watching. News. What happened made its way through the school? There's been an explosion at the Alfred p Murrah Federal Building. When they said it was the federal building. And at first they thought it was a guest ball. What went through my head was. As a thirteen year old I knew mom. worked. Tallest building in the city. House Tower. I had no idea the proximity. I had no idea how many people were hurt how widespread the damage was now looking back everybody knows exactly how far away they were. I never even thought about that as a child I'm like. Where's my mom? How close was she? Did she get out? And I just didn't know I was ignorant I didn't know enough. About the layout. I just knew my mom was there. So at the time of the explosion, the building was the place for business for approximately six, hundred federal and contract workers. As well as an estimated two, hundred, fifty visitors daily. Now, there were a lot of federal agencies in this structure. The Secret Service the Department of Housing and Urban Development. Social Security. The US Army. The US Marine Corps. The Veterans Administration. The General Accounting Office the Department of Health and Human Services. Permanent. Defense US customer service. Department of Agriculture. Department of Transportation. General. Services. Administration. The offices the Federal Employees Credit Union. And and this is important the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms. But. Also, in the building was the America's Kids Childcare Development Center. which served as a daycare center for many of the employees at the building. Of course there is continuous coverage. None of that. I remember as vividly I remember watching the live coverage from my classroom on those easy cards. And we recently. Thought about it. You know these teachers are watching TV same thing you know they kept the office as usual they were trying to keep us focused and calm. And I can't applaud them enough I wish I could call every single one of them right now we were watching this real time. There was no time delay sorta washing it as it happens and. One of my fellow students, she was a grade below me. and. She saw her mother. Being carried out. And She. This was the reality of the situation within moments of the bomb detonating the area within close proximity to the federal building resembled a war zone. Nearly. A third of the building was reduced to a pile of rubble and debris and expose the interior of the buildings nine floors. The blast torched countless vehicles in damaged or flattened upwards of three hundred buildings in the area. The sheer force of the explosion hit with such facetti that it caused the first and second floors to be blown against the southern portion of the building while the third through ninth floors were initially raised by the blast and flattened on top of each other onto the street below. Damage extended to the city's downtown area covering approximately forty eight square blocks. Cars were overturned on fire blocks away from the explosion. The regency tower a twenty, four story two, hundred, seventy, three unit apartment complex located one block to the West was hit with damage. Directly. North of the building the two story Oklahoma Water Resources Board Office Building the Journal Record. Building. And the Finian building were badly damaged. Along with the first methodist, church and Ymca to the east, the federal courthouse, the South and the Saint Joseph, old, cathedral, and rectory, and the US post office to the West. Back at OAKS Middle School Meghan her classmates were reeling. The thing about my mom is I thought she could be dead. And I'm in eighth grade. There's no cell, there's no social media the phone lines were dead. The phone lines were dead and that's because the blast from the bomb knocked out primary and backup phone lines for the emergency medical services is. In fact, nine one one was the only emergency communication remaining this cause more than just confusion but also prevented individuals with loved ones in these buildings from getting answers about the status of their loved ones safety. It was literally a matter of life or death, but people were forced to wait in one of those people was Meghan. I was in office. Hours trying to get through to my mom. And we get a dial tone and dial out and no busy signal. It was just dead air hundreds of thousands of people didn't know their loved ones were alive or not. We just have to sit there and wait and wait and wait and wait. As loved ruins waited for news, the rescue effort began immediately. Fire EMT's police even civilians who just couldn't sit by as their city burned. They enter the structure which was just demolished. And they join this massive search and rescue effort. And rescuers could be seen risking their own lives in the effort to pull from the rubble anyone who could have survived the blast and who could be still inside but incapacitated. So formed these human chains. And the person at the top of the chain with lead and move the chain into the building they were sort of like holding hands. If they found someone they could quickly pull them out of the building this way. And why why do they need chains you're thinking y you have to remember there was smoke and dust in the air you couldn't see. Visibility was obstructed. And there weren't any lights in the building. It was blind chaos. And the clock was ticking. Because each second could get so close to death because they could succumb to injuries or smoke inhalation. And as if this nightmare wasn't bad enough during the search and rescue, there were two bomb scares. And when the alarm of a potential secondary device was sounded. Everyone had to stop stop searching and run away from the scene. Rescuers can start up again until the coast was clear. Right, and while all this is going on some students at Megan School were getting picked up by the parents but not all of them. So you know when you find the perfect dress, it looks amazing on you but maybe there's one little spot. Do you WANNA be smoothed out? You know what you gotta get some shape wear. I love shape wear and my favorite spot to get them is that she mint dot com so shape shaper mint smooths you out it feels comfortable and it really boosts your confidence and they have everything on shaper dot com they have all the best products from. The best brands there's tanks, shorts there's bodysuits and more. 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When you use our Promo Code first degree at trike halpern, dot com slash first degree. You can try caliber CBD risk free for thirty days, and if you don't love it, they'll give you a full refund. That's try Callapollo, dot com slash first degree, and don't forget the Promo Code versus for twenty percent off your first order. Students would be. Called out of class there quietly. And each time it happened. There would be like this hush. Came over the classroom. And it's like everybody's holding your breath and. Some of the students would come back Y- tears and shaking and saying she's okay or he's okay. And then you could just here all at once audible sigh of these children being thankful for their cost me their moms it's like everybody was grasping onto. Oh thank God. You know. Oh thank God. She's okay. I I don't know where I've never met the woman I've never met him. Oh thank God. There's another one that safe. and. Then there were soon it's called out and. They never came back. I don't know if their parents have come to pick them up. I don't know if it was bad news. And that's why they never came back. I realized that the school isn't sending anybody home. They couldn't because they didn't know if there was a mother or father to go home to for that child, they couldn't stop classes if a parent wanted to come pick up a child, they would my mom couldn't. Mama's incoming. The fact that Megan's mom hadn't picked her up created a fear and Megan and it's difficult to describe unless you've experienced it yourself I don't think there's any word that can do it justice I mean. I in wrack my brain all day. People say terror people say scared people say whore five people say all kinds of words and I can't compare it to anything. I can't. It was just I, felt like I was GONNA explode inside. I was. Like. suspended. And I was either going to. Solve down to this thing that renting pit. I was GONNA stay suspended or I was going to be lifted up. Megan's mom usually picks her up from school. But as the hours ticked by she realized she wasn't coming. So I took the bus on that day. and. I got off the bus. My little sister gets off the bus and my big sister gets off the falling. and. We're like less than a block stop. Meghan under sisters walk towards the home not knowing if their mom would be there or if she was buried in the chaos of the Alfred p Murrah building the structures that surrounded it. For me to get. To my house to the front door. COMES, out racing from. The House across the street. And she got her all in her arms and. Her legs went out from under her we all just kind of collapsed their middle of thirty street. I don't know I don't remember how long we were there. And my mom said. What. Out of there was distinguished I gotta get home tonight baby gotta get home my baby's I gotta get home to my baby. and. So when she grabbed us. Home. First word she's my baby. So my baby's. Megan's mom June had made it. My mom says she's the wise. I don't see any blood she was relatively unscathed. Debris and everything over her but she wasn't hurt. She didn't have a broken bone. I was worried for her. I was scared for her because this is my mother. This is the strongest woman that I. Still Strongest Woman that I've ever known. And Physically Megan's mother had survived her process towards healing mentally would not be only difficult but ongoing. For she was able to even talk about it. She has a nightmare so. Later later she would tommy these have these nightmares. Just. Hearing it. And she's waking screaming and sitting up in bed. Sweating. Crying. I'm sure she has. PTSD I think a lot of. A lot of Oklahoma. Do. Whether they were there whether they knew anybody. It was just this impact on our community that everybody was just shattered broken and empty inside and She's hurting so godly. and. I don't think my relief was. As big as my concern for her, it's like my law is hurting so bad. This is my rock. I'm. Still, terrify because I can't fix her. So there's this instant. Really isn't even a word. and. Then there's this terror all over again. Your mom hurting the person you love most in the world is hurting so badly, it's like I. Wish I could take that pain. My loved ones. Would rather take that pain upon myself than watch them go through it. and. Experiencing that with my mother. I think that was my first. Experience with that and it. Stayed with me. And that feeling that day was. You don't even have to speak a word. What that other person was feeling? They do what you were feeling. And you could see any each other's is but. We were young. She had to raise us. She still have to remain strong. For us. So it was years before I knew the details especially, the very, very, very, very specific details. Unlike like Meghan said, it was years before June share the details of her experience and when she finally did tell her children, she started at the very beginning with the blast. The first thing she told us was. that it felt like her entire building. had been lifted hundred feet in the air and then drop. That's when the blast went off. Then chaos horror and of course concern. People around her. Were rushing here and there where selling where so and so where so and so everybody's trying to locate where everybody was in the building. Next hyper focus, survival. Instincts. She said, she went into autopilot. She couldn't make it through and less. She protected herself and her way of protecting herself was. Going through muscle memory putting herself on. Route they were finally like June get out get out we have to leave and they had to take the elevator down they couldn't scarce now. There in combined small-state space everybody holding hands in the elevator tears running down their face and you know my mom consider herself a any particular religion. But they all set the Lord's prayer on their way down. June made it outside. And then my mom had to find their way to the car, which was her next hurdle because it was in the parking garage. So. She was trying to figure out the safest route. To Her car. So she got as quickly to the parking garage she could. She didn't WanNa take the elevator up. Because she was scared of being combined, know what was going to happen next? So she walked upstairs. To I think she was on the fourth floor of the parking garage. And then her neck turtle was. How? Do I get Home, which way do I go? I can't down I. Forty emergency vehicles need to go that way. I can't go down Reno. Do I go nor do I, go this way. And unfortunately, the way she went. She said their police cars, fire trucks going all around her and she said, I've pressed that accelerators hard as I could. And she's going around like. Concrete and glass. And remnants of buildings. And she's like. 'cause I get pulled over out. Give a what happened. She got home as quickly as she could. I don't know how long that actually took her unless of felt like ours it could have been our issue still won't tell me exactly. What she saw I think it's too hard for her and she doesn't want to put that on me I. Know She saw. People. And Parts. Even. Saying your worst nightmare it's not even. Worthy. And finally. Home. He got home. And she tried to phone phone couldn't works through and She can get hold of them. I gotta get a hold of and she couldn't. And the neighbors across the street just saw through the storm door that my mom was just kinda standing there in the middle of the house. And without asking the neighbor just came over and ran through the. The door. And grab her and said, are you okay and? She's like, no. And not okay. and. You have to realize that the totality of this experience really living at the trauma of session event is beyond comprehension. If you haven't been close to something similar yourself, my mother is Welsh. She comes from town of Cardiff and. She endured. So much. She survived and was there during the IRA coming. Four v Ten There was just a death there was. Over three hundred injuries, people lost slim. The blast. l.? The. Took down the city I mean. Almost every building was destroyed condemn. There were no windows left. I. Don't think anywhere. Where I was eight miles away. The plate glass window was. Out if a tornado was over. And I can't even imagine being. that. Close to it. At the time of the explosion hundreds of individuals were inside the Alfred p Murrah building hundreds more works in the buildings within close proximity. More than eight hundred people were injured in this bombing injuries green from cuts and scrapes. To severe sprains to broken bones, severe crush injuries or loss of extremities. Many of those injured were trapped inside the building and under debris for extended periods of time. One hundred and sixty eight people lost their lives as a direct result of vis bombing, which included volunteer rescue worker who was killed during the rescue efforts. In very very sadly nineteen of those who died were children. My mother's sitting in the other room watching television relaxing the couch we have food in our bellies. I can go and hug her I can kiss her good night. She still strong. I just I can't portray how strong she is and I still think she's helped me through some rough rough times. And she never faltered. On today's episode we covered the Oklahoma City bombing, which had a profound emotional impact on not only the family and friends of those killed and injured in this act of terrorism but also extended to all Oklahoma and brought broader still to Americans as a whole. On today's episode, we shared with you the experience of what a single family endured on the heels of this tragedy. In next week, we'll take through the investigation and explain how law enforcement arrested the domestic terrace perpetrated the sickening act of violence. A huge. Thank you for Megan for being our I. Agree on this episode if you have a story to tell, please email us. Hello at the first degree PODCAST, Dot Com follow us on Instagram at the first degree out Alexis linkletter at bill. Johnson. At Jack Vanik join our facebook group. We're talking lots of true crime stuff and also not true crime stuff and stick around because we're gonNA kill some time. Remember. Only you can prevent serial killers. Keep your friends close. CLO-. Chicken Potpie Day. Abby snacktime day next day and they're more days. No. Snacks Dick Day it is. Slim Jams. A big thanks to jared Monica who does all of our sound design and music production they shut out to the production team, Caitlyn Cleveland Taylor Rogers, Allen Santiago at podcast one research sources for today's episode include the FBI CNN the, Washington Post court documents, ABC News, and as always our degree guests is always our largest source. Sue Chico. said, Mr Worldwide the victim Paris I had the US real name. The podcast from negative to positive. But you can catch the podcast podcast one spotify flow to rattle. I don't even know if you know how much they play you'll on the Roy anywhere my brother no matter how much bread remained off you can't take with right how many houses cars whatever we acquired can't take with with. I said anything we make is always backed up. Why are we starting to podcast? We'll it's real simple with the times we live in right now in the world I think you need to be motivated inspired educated aware. Positive. So what I'm here is this to motivate the world. Let him know we talk because? You won't get a troop four to the podcast of Ford the show, a job teaching you how to take it from a negative to a positive. So get rid from negative to positive, which you can catch on the podcast podcast one in spotify. If you have high interest credit card debt, you need to check out upstart there. The revolutionary online lending platform that knows you're more than just a credit score and now's the time to find out how your upstart rate can help you pay off high interest credit card debt unlike other lenders upstart can rewards you based on your education and job history in the form of a smarter rate and absurd lets you skip going to the bank because it's completely online and they offer loans from one thousand and fifty thousand dollars. You can consolidate your debt into one easy fixed rate payment and upstart makes it fast and. Simple to check your rate and since his just a poll, it won't affect your credit score. The hard pool happens except the rate and proceed with your application. So see what upstart has a four point nine out of five star rating on trust pilot and hurried up start dot com slash first degree to find out how low your upstart rate can actually be and checking your rate only takes a few minutes. So go up Sir dot com slash first degree. Your loan amount will be determined based on your credit income in certain other information provided and you're loan application not all applicants will qualify for the full amount. Do knew the right now geico offering an extra fifteen percent credit on car motorcycle and RV policies. That's fifteen percent on top of all the money that Geico could already save you. So what are you waiting for your dog to make you breakfast in bed as nice as that sounds it's probably never going to happen but at least there's never been a better time to switch to geico save an extra fifteen percent when you switch by October seventh visit GEICO DOT COM to learn more. All right. We'll welcome to another episode of killing time and you know before we start this off because billy says he has. Some special surprise or some bullshit. But before we do this, I have a question for you to and that question is. How were the spicy chicken nuggets. They. So it's really funny. The previous evening prior to the night to the day spicy chicken nuggets came out I wanted to get chicken nuggets and billy shamed me into waiting because he's like you really WanNa do this the day before the spicy mets. Shaming wait. So this was at at all bobby. So we're talking about the McDonald's spicy chicken nuggets the you wanted to go to McDonalds the night before, but you told you to wait for the for the spice. Yeah. Okay. I said okay fine and then I went to bed hungry and sad. So the next day we were hungover in the morning it was. Eleven o'clock in the morning and it was just like we're doing this we were hungry. We'd like drank Bourbon and we have a hot tub here. So it was like we were dehydrated. So we were hung over we were trying to work, and then we just ordered so much McDonald's we got regular nuggets. We got spicy nuggets, ten piece each we got big MACs. Billy got a cheeseburger happy meal with a mini fry even though we got like three huge fries in many prices, tastes tastes better in the happy meal because it's like seven of in there and the F. to savor each one. So I love the mini fries well, you know the The Life Hack at McDonald's is you get your fries on salted right because that makes them do new batch for you and then you saw Tim Apparently. Apparently, the McDonald's people hate that like McDonalds workers are just like assure. Yeah. But really not about them right now, what if you're on the low sodium diet or something and then and then you ask for five packets assault didn't it used to be McDonalds have it your way or is that Burger King? McDonald's. Duh. Yeah so. The Spicy Chicken Nuggets for? MAZING were they. When order them post meets they got us in probably ten minutes tight. Perfect. Crisp on the outside piping. Hot Steamy. Delicious. Was Perfection Spice like what are what kind of a spicer we talk about it had a kick and really like after like fifteen or twenty seconds. So it's like a ghost pepper. Yeah and And I will say this. McDonalds where whereas the sponsorship for first degree. Seriously, you know who just followed me on Instagram Billy del Taco, Del Taco Shell Tacos all about they sent they sent me a gift card for twenty dollars did that we'll see. Hates del Taco because his Taco bells his favorite restaurant in the world like if he can eat anywhere, he did it art art will del Taco I liked it don't talk. Oh Fridays the critical fries are delicious. There may be in my top five fry honestly the big fat crispy chicken Taco from. Del. TACO is one of my all time favorites Jacqueline we were living together in Hollywood party days I would go get them all know timing and they don't have them all the time they brought them back. Yes. So del Taco, we know that your social media team probably isn't a connected to your advertising area. But make that connection right now also talked about I exist too. So I know McDonalds Gal and I don't ever think I. Don't think I've seen actually you know has McDonald's. I can't remember if any of these fast food places ever do podcast sponsorships because they don't probably have to me that they need to somebody's got to care don't. Whatever whatever they don't need to, but it's posted Ron. Okay. So the rating of the Spicy Chicken, nuggets ten out of ten. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. All right. I would say I still love the original more really I yeah I just love and nugget I mean. I just love the original nuggets I love spicy. But I'm a catch up person and people think this is blasphemous. Zip Minded Nuggets and catch up. But you can't dip the spicy ones and ketchup because they've got like, what are you supposed to dipped them in ranch ranch was Really. Good. I would love to see a blue cheese. If if they would come out with a Baluchi. Sec. See I just had a recent love affair with just honey with the McDonald's honey I was to. Be Feel Aka nostalgic and brought me back to being lazy. All's flavor vibe kind of it straight just straight honey it's delicious. Highly recommend guys but I. I do a whole Plethora of sauce when I do because I'm like if I'm going to do it, do it right when you're gonNA have much more org of sauces if you will all the sauces what sauces you on I'm like, what's us do I not want yeah. Sway me away from a Saas I. Can't I dare you? Okay tentative ten for the chicken night. I'm happy about that I definitely. Need to wait until I'm hung over because I feel like that's when they're the best. Yeah it's a perfect for that. Okay. So Billy, you said you had something for killing time and I'm just interested to see what the hell does could be. Yes. So we were walking in away from this Quarantine House that we're in walking in the woods and we started thinking about. Winnie the Pooh. Winnie the Pooh characters. and. We started saying like which we did the characters are we? Okay With saying that she was tigger. Okay. I need a little bit of a refresh on the on the characters personalities Oh my God do you want to hear something funny I thought Billy was going in a completely different direction what we were talking about on this. You talked about okay. We'll get there but here. I want to be. But give it tell me what I need a refresher the character. I haven't like. Okay. So there is wise Alal-. There's this handlers Pu. There is the rabbit who kind of looks like like sunken I'd grandmother of sorts. Errors your than there's tigger. And piglet. I'm away. So would I be Winnie the Pooh because he never wears pants we thought you might say. Wearing a crop top and no pants. are of the show. So I was like she's GonNa do he has my definitely my style icon? Yeah, and like you literally just said, you're dipping shit and honey. So I think this speaks for itself but what did you think what did you think I would be No we we thought. Okay I thought it was like I thought I would be but I'm really something else. And we also thought. So I'm one of the Pu what's what's billy your obviously Broke. But like literally I'm glad we talked about this but this is not what I thought. We were going to talk about I thought when he's like, we're GonNa talk about the thing we talked about earlier were earlier that day. I said you know this isn't the only the only city we have to visit together and I was saying how happy I was that we were in a house because it's so collaborative like we can go down to the table Y- lavery and he's like. I really like having my privacy though and I was like Oh do you because the day before billion I checked our screen time on our phones. Re our his was eleven. So my you need your privacy to what sit on your you scan. That's all he does, and then we checked for all the weeks that was never lower than nine hours a day. Like Bill How do you? I need to just sit on your phone all day I. Probably have that my my screen times probably Oh, I, write on my phone I edit on my phone I do a lot in my rights so you need your privacy to just sit on your thoughts. Okay just. So we're clear just sort clear. That's because I was like bill. You're not that interesting I. Love You but like Privacy, you think you need as someone who's lived at the now for two straight weeks. All you to do. Viana. I'm sorry I didn't bring my. Like grading pottery, I'm like you need your privacy. He's actually usually like if you're going to have privacy in alone time, it will be like. Are You doing a meditation? Are you reading a book? Are you like doing a seance like Abdu Elizabeth in any way? No. On your phone. Possibly going Billie. Johnson. Literally just honest phone eleven hours a day, which is the amount of time. He's awake. I'm like you don't need privacy dude love you but you don't. That is create I. Just looked at mine. My average is like four hours so. I thought it would be way worse than that because I feel like I am always on my phone, but that's not as bad as I thought that eleven hours. Do I honestly I think some of it is spotify. When your screen is locked, it doesn't count. It's only open and active learn how to lock your phone and you said You, what's Today. Screen Time Billy Chuck it. Where you're most use apps because everybody's instagram. You know what? Today daily over six all right but it's only eight thirty, six hours and sixteen minutes right now. But we were with a we were with someone all day working modifies an hour and a half. podcasts hour and five minutes. Messages is forty minutes. Male is thirty nine facebook is twenty-seven instagram's twenty, two finder is nineteen. Is because his phones open, 'cause a down. Whatever Litter. This is an we were literally engaged in a meeting for like most of the day today. Had we not done that he would have been on for eleven hours? Maybe twelve some days it was thirteen it's crazy. I don't even know am I awake for I guess amyloid for thirteen. Do Shower do you share with my phone and listen I'm listening to audiobook book on my phone you know A that's I don't think we need to do a little pole and have everybody in our facebook group post their screen time to see if this is not yes. I mean shot you want screen shot proof five. But what's your? What's your average screen time? You're just got home. We're going to ask him because. You search swipe to the left. Okay. Well, what? Do you find it. It is it's on the search page isn't it was not? Well. We hope that people are off their phones for a little bit. Have you guys watched the social dilemma? That's how we got the conversation. We really really doing it while we were watching this social dilemma in our screening room in our movie theater in our house on. Right next year right now, we're at the card table with these psychedelic background near the bar near the screening room. You guys have a bar. Yeah doesn't want to dress up as a bartender billie does every night. Jared just changed his two zero minutes. Jared. That's not that's okay. Whatever jared I get it the screen time shame is real as proved by Billy Sinai. Screen screen time. While what's the word I'm looking for denial is also true billy. Jared is screen time denier. As is billy billy's screen time denier. This is like an it's like a climate change denier. The new thing is screen time denier. It's almost worse than a flatter author. Almost right. It's they are gonna go hand in hand like facebook groups will crossover. Once you're in a flatter than you're going into screen time denier honey algorithms. All right. Well I. Think we killed some time. I think we kills enough time Let's call it time death twelve minutes. Seven seconds beep. Better be billy. I'm. Billy. Hi Jared by.

billy billy spotify Meghan Megan Oklahoma Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and jared Monica McDonald US Oklahoma City Madison Reed Department of Health and Human Department of Housing and Urba Oaks Middle School Billy Day Madison Dash Reed Dot Com Alexis linkletter New York
159-Rip Van Winkle: Bad Dad

Myths and Legends

33:16 min | 1 year ago

159-Rip Van Winkle: Bad Dad

"This week myths and legends it's the story of the famous Napper Rip Van Winkle or we'll learn all about the benefits of leaving your family to go drink and bowl with strangers in the woods if you want to know how to literally make friends the creature this week can help you out with that to make this inch tall lifelong power off into the forest to catch a quick snack for later three hours after rip emerged from the forest with a Yawn Sleeps Dylan is is he had said rip saw something on the edge of town the squirrel he raised his gun but then realized he couldn't very well shoot in the middle of the village he trips central premise behind rip van winkle I won't ruin it and we'll talk about the folklore tradition after the main story today age once he thought he didn't actually know many of their names taking his leave of the kids rip wandered into their village where after passing King Listen today's story isn't technically folklore it's the story of Rip Van Winkle by American author Washington Irving published in eighteen nineteen it's an upstate New York since before New York was even New York when it was the Dutch colony of New Netherlands with its capital New Amsterdam begged him for a story so he obliged the quick pick up game of ball turned into a three hour long stop but they were only going to be that down for arrest after the hunt and he must have dozed off ambling down through town he smiled at the young wives who were always so nice to him he stopped off to help with husking corn lifting sack of meal inside even going to the store for one to pick up something or other for a recipe she was in the middle of old bill was building offense this is myths and Legends Episode One Fifty Nine Bad dad this is a podcast eh rips family have been in the catskill mountains the whole room was staring at him I was supposed to pick up supplies from town rip said his wife nodded well he was a simple good natured fellow meakin kind a good neighbor in an obedient husband it was Tuesday and Ripley he knew rip was good for it take the gun he'd settle up with the MRS for the some his gun slung over his shoulder and his dog named Wolf at his feet as we've talked about before on this by guest naming things is difficult the Swedish crown had a colonial presence in North America for about ten minutes until the ancestors of Rip Van Winkle George in the gunsmith down his fouling gum was repaired ripped told the man he'd have the money to pay for the gun later on that day but the man only laughed there's a reason it's on this podcast though because it's basically a fairytale that's believed to be inspired by some fairly common stories from folklore that and I think rip is headed to he play ball after ball one of the little boys was having a hard time getting this kate near so rip helped him out with that sitting on the ground the kids begged him nations to their society Rip Van Winkle was nothing like his ancestors that's not to say rip was a bad guy he wasn't a bad guy that all families stormed Fort Christina put an end to that yes rip van winkles ancestors were brave enterprising and active people who made positive controversy is out running errands but I had to stop off because the kids and their little Dutch settlement were playing ball than when kids ask you to play ball I mean come on for too long you'll see what I mean irving follows from the same tropes and outlines to the point that this feels like a story from folklore for those of you that somehow don't know the rip walked on in his front door and sat down at the table for dinner wait a second rip said as he sat down at the table it was then that he was aware that the waiting to melt into the trees rip decided he better call it a day he and wolf went home deepen thought about nothing in particular You know what you took a nap in the forest and left it just like all the other times rips wait and and pick up my gun rip said with a smile got that one so where is it rip felt is back and rip stop to help him stack stones and helped ebeneezer catches horses for ride down to New York the following morning the chill of October night on the air and the sunshine from arked hey at least shot a squirrel for dinner so I technically did bring home dinner you're welcome okay his wife said Roy tell stories from in folklore some are incredibly popular stories you think you know but with spicing origins and other stories that might be new to you but her definitely worth the Van Winkle was taken aback Oh wow he got it then ripped shook said no he remembered that he was supposed to get it he she sat down exasperated next to rip at the table She would run to the store in town tomorrow the town being quarter mile away out of your shut rip shrugged and lumbered over to the cupboard he turned to rip junior just about nine years old and the newborn baby judith the dogs probably got to it by now well he did remember that he needed to get that board for the cows pen to replace the Rodwin his wife rip kissed her on the cheek thanks she was the best the wife went to the cupboard where where was the rest of the bread actually just all the cow walking by the window the board must have finally routed through today his wife clinched her fists and stormed out of the House but rips had the Kawkab Grade now Washington Irving is kind of uncomfortably clear where he stands on rips marriage I'm at the nothing in his hands around his belt and where's that replicated his belt oh right he said it down when he was helping bill he's he wouldn't get far yeah graze in the neighbors cabbage patch so they could buy more cabbage that they wouldn't get to eat the way shouted back before she was rip look down to his Dog Wolf O.. Rips wave groaned and went to pick some carrots and cabbage for her own the bread sound good for dinner I was just getting it was all they had so it didn't really matter if it sounded good when rips wave came in minutes later having caught the cow keener by constant use and no courage withstand the ever during an all be sitting tears of a woman's tongue this isn't the only nagging wife character in his works either Oh annoyed if in pre revolutionary America my partner was hunting and fishing for fun instead of doing the things we needed to survive than when he did help out he ask no matter how small while his family sat hungry at home they saw the dilapidated farm in unruly lazy kids they declared that it was the carrots and cabbage the eldest child rip junior lived in racks proudly proclaim that he wanted to be just like Dad and deemed van winkle I don't know I I think he probably had some issues needed to work through I say that because in my opinion though wife absolutely has point I would be so as she had just finished explaining that to him Oh wait they still fighting sorry he had fallen asleep wife's fault that was her domain and it couldn't be rips fault he was great everyone loved rip rip was roused from sleep looked at his wife ashes called the story couldn't even confide with any of her friends they were all on ripped side because as he walked through the village he would stop and help them out with any uttered what was that repast nothing good night car she was always nagging him wasn't so much for him to just want to enjoy his golden years in peace you're twenty nine deemed van winkle yelled we're rolling over the life expectancy in seventeen eighty colonial America's just thirty eight rip yelled back look it up on a single newspaper that comes through here once every two months those statistics are weighed heavily by infant mortality yet make it past childhood you're fine rip deemed van winkle most exclusively helped out other people his own family lived on a farm he had let get overrun by weeds and a K leaving just a small part of corn potatoes found the spot where he was slacking off and doing nothing all day and whenever he was supposed to be doing boring trivial housework to survive like tilling the land to keep them alive a day rip didn't so much speak but just smoked inapt but his tobacco smelled nice so they let him stay of course then his wife the years went on and nothing really changed the weeds encroached further into the farm taking the place ever selling what meager goods they produce to pay the mortgage on their farm she would come in Nag him it was one day when he saw her coming that he excused himself. That's code myths at Madison Dash Reed Dot Com The cabbages and carrots rip found a community of intelligent men who sat in the shade large tree in front of King George's in where they traded in the new ideas it was all the wife's fault for being vicious nagging shrew acquaint irving a tart timber never mellows with age sharp-tongued grows outer and rounds and took off outside in the Dirt Street Dean Van Winkle yelled after her husband telling him to stop the men who hadn't quite gotten his name and slipped in the store of the gunsmith the men needed payment upfront now for any work for the Van Winkle family and rip Preston healthy looking hair and many madison reclaims comment all the time about how their new hair color has improved their lives. Madison Reed delivers great covering game changing color you can do at home more demanding payment rips snickered and duct between two houses the soft crunch of the early autumn leaves was the only thing following him in his dog eight and she forget all about this extreme public embarrassment Dean Van Winkle was about to grab her husband by the year and dragon back home but the gunsmiths step from N. pattern for it or you can have professional hair color delivered to your door for less than twenty five dollars women loved the results Gorgeous Shiny multidimensional the closer crafted by master colors who blend nuances of light dark cool in warm to create over forty five gorgeous multi tonal shades I'm to the next level with Madison Reed Okay so let's talk about hair color you have options you can schedule an appointment leave the house go somewhere and have it take forever in your perfect shade at Madison Dash Reed Dot Com and myths legends listeners get ten percent off plus free shipping on their first color kit with Code Myths Rip Van Winkle started his famous nap that we read after this take coloring your hair if the money in his hands Ali loved he pointed to his wife who was coming down the road she would cover the rest he laughed snatched the gun some for Rip Heard Rip Van Winkle Rip Van Winkle coming from the forest and a cheer almost immediately after that a little guy came out of the look that said what do you want me to say I'm dog rip bounded over to help a little guy with all that alcohol it started out as a pretty normal day trees he didn't seem to notice rip but rip noticed him mainly because he was wearing the clothes of the Dutch colonists one hundred years old when the colony of new have being chased by your wife into the woods but it had taken a weird turn when at the top of a mountain looking down into a shadowy Glenn when that he had never been down before they need help with that but look like you just came from this lawn except that you didn't just come from US lawn you did it on like a Tuesday night watching Netflix or listening to an episode of your favorite podcasts ORC was known as New Netherlands he didn't know of anyone living this far out into the forest but rip was smart enough to know that he didn't know a lot of things so he kept his mouth shut all the Games and liquor they were melancholic with gray faces rip however was grinning he been dreading going home to his angry wife zone rip could've asked who they were what they were doing or why they cheered name earlier or he could just shut up and drink ripped chose money from the basket of produce she sent him with this morning rip paused or did he sat down he worry about it later he bring home a buck singing by rip and dancing also rip in drinking games that rip play by himself the strange little guys just wanted to drink quietly what's with strangers when it came to free booze the story says that rip was a naturally thirsty fella in soon the night began to get hazy there was sanely bright sun check pounding head check yep it had been a party he heard a babbling brook below knew that he role which they did not really participating in rips merriment as he got progressively more ripped but also not really caring if he had their liquor but each flagging of alcohol chip away at that dread until rip couldn't even remember why should we be mad at him in the first place she probably loved it that he abandoned her to go drink in the all all you need is a bottle and the blood of a murdered man all fifteen or twenty of them got him drunk to get their hands on his cheap gun these guys these guys were good rip Gupta stick get some water rip whistled for his dog Wolf but the animal didn't come to him he laid his hand down found his gun but it wasn't they knew his name they knew that he wanted the forest to get away from his justifiably angry wife they have brought a whole k. out here and all the nine pin games continued hefty in the keg when a whole group of Little Dutch guys raised their flag of liquor when you arrive at their forest bowling alley cracking open the keg in Henning ripa flagging the barrel was busted through the wooded brought it rip narrowed his eyes he knew what this was it was a long con because he branded himself to confront the conman huddling just outside their little hideout where they played their games egregious teeth in bursts through yelling out later it was a whole group of guys like the original one all dressed in an old Dutch style and all a good six inches short at rip there are playing ninepins and for all rip asked the strange little man that was sweating under the massive keg was trying to carry he didn't answer because of said massive keg and rip look did his dog all in all rip had an awesome time he assumed he woke up on that hilltop we had I seen the little guy hefty in the keg in stonewall how he searched all around but could not find the area where he had been drinking but those crazy little guys he began to get panicked uh-huh and he slammed his face into a stonewall just a few inches past the leaves he looked up it wasn't a valley it was a solid more music in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you next time coast regardless he never came back then bubble the schoolmaster rip said wide eyed and just now beginning to think that drunk maybe wolf went back home oh but Dame van winkle he ran away from her in the village yesterday this was a weird day he had lived less than a quarter mile from his entire life was now nearly doing he would come though eventually wolf always came running except this time he didn't rip bit his lip that made him nervous wolf was always by his side always and then he smiled maybe wolf lost track of him when he wandered off raw after walk through town the proprietor of the Union hotel formerly the King George Hotel a man rip didn't recognize nothing strange it happened last night everyone in the crowd smiled they knew him he went off to war too but he came back he was now in Congress and said that he be sorry in like three to five minutes these things took forever to load rip threw up his hands and said that he meant no harm he sits here and smokes a lot of attention to it but he was pretty sure the roof wasn't caving in the day before and his fields were bad but now they work completely weeds he opened died what like eighteen years ago there was a wooden tombstone in the churchyard they used to tell all about him but that's brought it in gone to they should really get on that before he didn't come home last night just imagining the sound of her voice made him cringe still he had to go home shorto home and found nothing but emptiness rot on the plus side his wife wasn't yelling at him so this was came barreling out demand what this guy was doing brandishing a gun will be flanked by a crowd and on election day rip narrows is he's completely forgotten Braham Dutcher repast The proprietor knew that one he had died in the war at the battle of stony point for he drove off the and stroked his foot long grey beard when he really should have noticed sooner saying a couple things one these people were just following along laughing at same post Revolutionary America and then there was that group yelled out that he was a spy a royal sympathizer they took out their rifles doc every day like it was his job if he had one of those what happened in Nicholas vetter the man rip as the owner of the in somebody in the crowd said that he him he didn't know what their deal was in to what was an election he was a loyal subject of the King God bless him so there's a wrong thing react to a strange old man you hadn't brushed his teeth in twenty years shaking us awake shrieked when the shock wore off another settled in napping against a tree rip rushed over and shook the man awake demanding to know his name the man reacting in the same way that all of us Don Don rip and he turned back to the man by the Tree Junior and then returned to the woman the way she had said her rip spun around to see himself it was him exactly as he had been on the day he left for the mountains a city with rows of houses and dozens more inhabitants none of which recognized then he looked at his family home he didn't name she said that it was Judith Judith Gardenia Oud Rep side and her father she said that she never various it was a question he had feared the answer to what the girl's mother judith swallowed hard rip made rip cringe like he had heard that sound before but rip xl when he saw that it wasn't her but someone that looked and the man trembled as he looked into the eyes of the older man when that he hadn't seen in twenty years rip a woman shouted they both men winced looking up the young woman who had come storing into the square like her mother before her twenty odd years ago a realization writ began to tremble a bit and what of Rip Van Winkle there was a collective groan and pursing lips. Oh Yeah right there I am your father do within believe it junior almost believed it and the town was pretty sure that this Harry guy who came out of the how much like his wife a young woman with a baby in her arms written Harris is stroked his beard what was the young woman's name forest in the old dirty clothes reeking of alcohol probably wasn't a mysterious figure from the villages story passed until a writer of Said Story Pat Pretty Skeptical Audience Vander Dont corroborated that as well being a historian he could definitively say that the catskill mountains had always been oh that's a horrible thing to say rip to relieved said no I mean yes but no because get this judith then he asked a question that have been on his mind since he realized he had slept for twenty years a question that children's bones rip became c live Vander Dunk immediately recognized and verified that it was in fact rip senior furthermore when rip told his story to the still the dog came home and waited at the door for ten years in a super sad futurama like montage until he died but they never knew what happened to rip exactly forty years ago Vander Don's father had once heard them playing in the woods with sounds like thunder whenever they knocked over the pins but it was morning yeah it was just last year the stress of raising two children alone in Revolutionary America finally took its toll she died rip the son of the old historian Peter Vander donc slowly advanced down the Road Canaan hand at the ripe old age of like fifty five really knew her father she gets that he went out for a pack of loose pipe tobacco twenty years ago and never came back took his gun into the woods and disappeared it came hobbling down the road now it said that rip didn't recognize anyone in the village and even though it was only twenty years you have to think that with a decreased life for a chance on the valley where he thought he heard them it was the exact place where rip had found the solid rock wall the gathered listeners nodded he was finally living the dream all's well that ends well but his son-in-law who sat next to him was wide it tears here was his little girl all grown up with children of her own and his boy his boy was just like him you whether he died in some accident was carried away by natives she never knew him she was just too when he left rip could barely contain breath on the shores of Hudson Bay a detail not mentioned in the story anyway he would bring liquor in nine pins and they would all celebrate together for a night salute worst judith believed rip though and junior did to kind of he was already napping again and Judith brought rip back to her so rip had fast forwarded twenty years from a time when he was expected to be productive and provide until he was at an age when a man could do nothing with impunity wandered off and abandoned his family for twenty years and just concocted a story about getting drunk with a bunch of Dutch bowlers so the village didn't think he was the APPS and winkled died last year he laid his hand on Judith shoulder that was truly a tragedy could he see her grave though just to be sure that's the sentiment Indian Awesome Eighteenth Century Literature Awesome Aka Henry Hudson and he would come to the catskills every twenty years keep a vigil with the crew of a ship the one that would later mutiny and abandoned him to his expectancy coupled with the fact that pretty much everyone rips age went off to fight in the revolutionary war it's not completely unbelievable that only one guy in their village would recognize the

Napper Rip Van Winkle Dean Van Winkle Van Winkle Madison Dash Reed Dot Com Madison Reed irving King George madison Preston twenty years twenty five dollars one hundred years eighteen years five minutes forty years ten minutes ten percent three hours nine years six inches
October 4, 2019: Lawmakers to question intelligence inspector general about whistleblower complaint

5 Things

07:38 min | 1 year ago

October 4, 2019: Lawmakers to question intelligence inspector general about whistleblower complaint

"This episode of five things sponsored by Madison Reed put the time and expense of a salon behind you with Madison Reed. It's salon quality hair color delivered right to your door. Five things listeners get ten percent off plus free shipping on your first color kit with code five things at Madison Dash Reed. Dot Com good morning. I'm Taylor Wilson and this is five things you need to know Friday the Fourth of October Twenty nineteen gene before we get going a reminder you can tweet us at USA. Today podcast and he might get a shout out on the show to get you started members of the House. Intelligence Committee on Friday are set to interview Michael Atkinson. The Inspector General of the Intelligence Communities Office handled the whistle blower complaints concerning President Donald Trump and and his controversial call with Ukrainian president below d'humieres Alinsky last week the White House released a summary of the call showing that trump asks Alinsky to investigate his political rival all and two thousand twenty presidential candidate Joe Biden while trump withdrew aid to Ukraine committee chairman. Adam Schiff is a Democrat who has become the public face of impeachment precedings against trump. He said on Wednesday that lawmakers will ask Atkinson about quote the effort that were made to corroborate that complaint which we now know that the inspector general found credible and urgent on quote the meeting comes after text messages between Kurt Volker trump special envoy at the time for Ukraine and other. US diplomats were released on Thursday by House House Democrats leading the impeachment inquiry. The messages seemed to show American foreign policy decisions being driven by trump's domestic political concerns meanwhile the president continues to press for a look into alleged corruption from former vice president biden and his son Hunter Biden who had business dealings in Ukraine trump also said on Thursday. There's day that other countries including China should investigate the Biden's Biden is going down and I think his whole situation because now now you may very well find that there are many other countries that they scam just like scam China and Ukraine and basically who they really scamming the the USA and it's not good and that's probably why China so many years I had a sweetheart deal where China rips off the a USA because they deal like people with vitamins where they get this done a billion and a half dollars and that's probably why China has such sweetheart deal. There's so many years they've been ripping off trump maintains the biden strong arm the Ukrainian government to fire its top prosecutor in order to stop an investigation into a company money tied to it but a number of sources ranging from former Obama administration officials to an anti-corruption advocate and Ukraine say that the official Viktor Shokhin was actually ousted because he was not pursuing corruption among the country's politicians stay up to date with all the latest on this developing story with USA. Today DOT COM Greta tuned burden but teenage Swedish climate activists who's taken the world by storm in recent weeks heads to Iowa on Friday to strike with other student climate protesters astor's to Enberg inspired in Iowa city middle school to start local climate strikes there in two thousand sixteen she will now visit the city after addressing the UN's climate action summit in in New York City where she condemned world leaders for not properly addressing climate change how dare you you have stolen my dreams. It might childhood with your empty words. The sixteen year old has been criticized by some conservatives who say she's a child who is being manipulated for political purposes fits. Fox News Host Laura Ingraham also compared to Enberg to the children of the corn but many around the world have been deeply inspired by her message taking to a number number of school and work walkouts to pressure lawmakers for more comprehensive policy to fight climate change next up. My mother always tells me to smile and put on a happy face. She told me I had had a purpose debris laughter and joy to the world. It's joker like you've never seen him before. Joaquin Phoenix plays as a failed Gotham city comedian who descends into madness and Todd Phillips new film out nationwide on Friday on its surface the film tells the story of the Super Villain who would later become Batmans Arch Nemesis but underneath USA Today movie critic Brian Truitt writes quote. It's an exploration of empathy and the personal impact of a society devoid wait of it on quote critical buzz surrounding the film has been largely positive but there have been questions about security and the potential for violence at theaters last last month family members of victims at the twenty twelve mass shooting at a movie theater screening of the Dark Knight rises in Aurora Colorado penned a letter expressing their concerns about the the joke film and what they might be seen as something that romanticize madness and violence sentencing set in the Varsity Blues College Admissions Scandal Dole on Friday Napa Valley Winemaker Augustine Hunia junior will face the judge after pleading guilty in May who admitted to paying fifty thousand dollars to ski Gi mastermind Rick Singer as part of an sat cheating scheme and he also admitted to paying two hundred fifty thousand dollars to have his daughter classified as a fake water polo recruit to try to get her accepted into the University of Southern California on Thursday New York Attorney Gordon Kaplan was sentenced to one month in prison for his participation in the scandal he was the fourth parent to be sentenced and last up get ready for an Mlb post-season quadruple header after the Saint Louis Cardinals beat the Atlanta Braves and the Los Angeles dodgers took down the Washington nationals and their game ones on the National League Cy Thursday night the American League Division series will begin on Friday the Minnesota the twins will battle the New York Yankees while the Houston Astros hosts the Tampa Bay rays and both NL series will play out their game twos you can watch the National League action on TBS and on the American League side tune into Fox sports one for raise astros and MLB network for the twins and the Yankees all the action begins at two. Oh Five PM am eastern time and you can catch new episodes of five things Monday through Saturday on apple podcasts and wherever else you get your audio including the Google home and Amazon Echo you can also subscribe for free and if you'd like drop us a rating and review five things as part of the USA Today podcast network take coloring wearing your hair at home to the next level with Madison Reed. You deserve gorgeous. Professional hair color delivered to your door for less than twenty five dollars for decades. We've had two options options for coloring our hair outdated at home color or the time and expense of a salon tons of Madison Reed clients comment how their new hair color has improved their lives for the better her. Everyone loves the results gorgeous shiny multidimensional healthy looking hair. This is great covering game changing color. You can do at home and look if you just came. I'm from the Salon. Madison Reed Color is unique in that it's crafted by master culturists blend nuances of light dark cool and warm to create over forty five stunning multi tonal shades find your perfect shade at Madison Dash Reed Dot Com five things listeners get ten percent off plus free shipping on your first color kit with code. Five things at Madison Dash Reed Dot Com. That's code five things at Madison. Dash Reed Dot Com.

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Ep 139: The Disappearance of the McStay Family (Part 1)

Court Junkie

51:36 min | 8 months ago

Ep 139: The Disappearance of the McStay Family (Part 1)

"In february two thousand ten something very strange happened in fallbrook california located in northern san diego county an entire family a father a mother and their two children mysteriously vanished from their home never to be seen or heard from again. It was an abrupt disappearance or so it seemed on february fifteenth. Two thousand ten a san diego county. Deputy patrolman michael tinguely took in the scene. As he searched the family home with mike mcstay who had called authorities to report his brother forty year. Old joseph mcstay joseph's wife forty-three-year-old summer and their two sons giovanni four and joe junior three or all missing. They hadn't been seen in days. The appearance of the home didn't seem to shed any light on where the family could be. A lamp was knocked over in a bedroom and plates of half eaten food were left untouched. The coffee was still in the pot. The families to beloved dogs were outside. Had they left in a hurry according to their loved ones. Joseph was a laid back surfer. Who's outgoing in chatty businessmen. Everybody seemed to like his wife. Summer wasn't afraid to say what was on her mind and loved their two sons dearly. Later the prosecution wood frame it as great mystery february fourth. Two thousand ten was the last time mcstay's had been seen since then. Their bank accounts were undrawn. Their cell phones and emails gone quiet. This family of four disappear off the face of the earth. How does this family of four a husband who's running a business a mom who's raising her two kids fixing up a house. They spots recently. How do they just disappear. How this is jillian and you are listening to court junkie episode one thirty nine coloring your hair in the comfort of your own home sounds pretty great but you might be wondering how you would find the right color and then how much it costs well. Medicine read makes coloring your hair at home affordable and they give you the tools you need to choose your perfect color. Medicine read takes coloring your hair at home to the next level and gives you beautiful professional hair colour delivered right to your door starting at just twenty two dollars for decades. There were only two options for coloring. Your hair you've either. Try outdated at home color or spend time and money at a salon but not anymore medicine. Reads color is unique. It's crafted by master colorist to blend nuances of light. Dark cool and warm. Tones to create over fifty five gorgeous multidimensional shades and finding the perfect for. You is easy. You just go to their website. Madison dash reed dot com. You take their quick online quiz. That will ask you all sorts of questions about your hair and then they match you with your perfect shade. So do your hair coloring at home and look as if he just came from the salon now court junkies can get ten percent off plus free shipping on their first color. Kit by using the code court you just go to. Madison dash reed dot com and use the code court. That's madison dash reed dot com and use the code court at the end of the night. After i'm done working. And after i played with my daughter and put her to bed. I sometimes just one have a little meantime. It's the end of the night. And i finally have a few free minutes ulta myself. So what do i do. I sneak in a few levels of best means best fiends. Is this infamously. Impossible to put down puzzle game. You can play right on your phone. It's a really visual. The characters are adorable and creative. And it's super fun to compete with your friends but not only is it fun. There's also this adrenaline rush again. Once i conquer i think i'm almost a two hundred levels at this point and christie from canadian true crime i have a friendly little competition going and we've had going for months style. Best means has over one hundred million downloads. It's free to download has been rated five stars and more levels events in challenges get added all the time. There's always one more level once you download best beans. Boredom won't stand a chance download best means free at today on the apple app store or google play. That's friends without the our best. Themes joseph's brother. Mike climbed through a window unlocked the front door and let deputy tinguely inside. The deputy didn't have a search warrant. Deputy ching lee didn't see any blood or broken items. No signs of an obvious struggle. The house was pretty empty as the two men searched every room and every closet in need of help and no bodies to missing persons case was going to be elevated although the investigation faced hurdles because no crime seem to have occurred tinguely alerted the homicide division. The situation was extremely unusual for an entire family to be missing for an estimated eleven days now law enforcement moved into action. The house went into lockdown additional units. Were called in. The sheriff's office began knocking on neighbors. Doors to see if anyone saw something or to check if any home surveillance cameras in the area may have captured any clues right away. The investigation ran into some issues. One of the mixed as neighbors according to authorities gave investigators a small portion of her camera footage but wouldn't hand it all over. She would later testified that if they took her cameras she wouldn't feel safe in her home and everyone in the neighborhood was pretty on edge after they learned about the missing family homicide. Detective troy do gall. A twenty three year veteran on the force headed to the scene to take over after surveying the home. He quickly gained a little glimpse into the mcstay families. Live freshly painted walls with blue painter's tape still attached to them a mattress on the master bedroom floor instead of a bed. The detective sense to the family had just moved in or had been renovating their home. She noticed rotting bananas and an opened carton of eggs on the counter and two children's size bowls almost full with popcorn. That were left out on the futon as if they're snack had been suddenly interrupted other than that. No real clues as to where the mcstay's could be as the investigation continued. Detectives found out that the families abandoned isuzu trooper had been towed on february eighth two thousand and ten from a shopping center near the mexico border. Rethinking also your thinking missing persons or visit station person. I am more concerned. Because children. And i don't have good sorry for why on i don't even have a reach out of of providing a very traditional issue to to the site. You're running the land ghost. Jason families of doesn't know somebody launch those of this person my fear and my job is always the housing. My head from is named basis side. Detective to goal was trying to gather as much information as he could. He would later testify that he had been working on the case nonstop even as he juggled this case with his other cases also complicating. The investigation is the fact that department resources were spread thin following another high profile murder in the area where a teenager was raped and murdered while out jogging. Detective to gaul testified that he only slept about five hours a night. Nevertheless he started interviewing people in the mcstay family circle from relatives to business associates. According to his testimony in court he heard some concerning news. Joseph's mother susan blake had gone over to the mixed as family home and was cleaning and straightening up when her other son. Miche the one. Who had let the first deputy into the home. Several days prior took joseph's computer from his office. Mike later testified that he took his brother's computer with the intent of turning over financial records to the detectives but my didn't have a power cord so he couldn't run the machine. Here's detective to gaul talking about learning all of this and how he was trying to get a search warrant as the family was cleaning the house and no time. Am i going to get in the family station. Say you can't walk. I'm actually asking them giving anything you can tell me about your son about summer. Tell me about the prank. Gimme that when you're dealing with a missing persons case and the family doesn't yet believe that their loved ones and nor do i have to believe their loved. Ones were murdered. They're gonna give you all great stuff my family's great summer st joseph's great businesses perfect. Were there while the kids are joy. You get and i know that. That's fine and some sometime along that interview process over based i'm going to try to wedge in there and say i know they're fantastic people. Tell me about things. Tell me who tell me. Who host. Joseph and summer money and that's all over time took some time on your question so the question was. How did you respond exclusively telling you might take computer okay. So we sat a soon very nice stadium talking to moms. And i'm getting mom stuff. And she's being nice and cleaning up after her son so when he returns his houses and mess homicide. Detective personality is going out kidding. Don't do that. And i told her politely. Stop stop what you're doing and and it alone and might return the computer. Because she didn't know that. I was working on a search warrant in the house and i don't just broadcast at because i still have family. Detective do gall. Said he knew it would be difficult to obtain the search warrant from a judge. Because i he had to prove probable cause that a crime had been committed at the residence or in their cars. That was difficult to prove. There were no bodies in the house after all. This wasn't a traditional homicide. If the mcstay's were in fact dead. The mcstay's joseph summer and their two young sons still hadn't shown up as the investigation went on have anything that i know is a crime except i now have a bunch of statements that are bending towards family does not disappear for on the nineteenth dip teammates so whereas family of four after fifteen days that statement from the family saying well they might have bob asian for now the family starting to bend over going. Well this is ridiculous. we're way too long. I have statements from business associates saying well are. We were rich in happy. He wasn't so true so annoying. Well that's unusual. I have family members telling me that summer have next boyfriend that the story start. Get as i told you. It's going to get deeper some of the dirt's gonna come up. The dirt was coming up. I wrote down everything. I did the point. I took it to the judge. He granted me the search. I searched the house the trooper. The dodge and i left the house on february twentieth. Two thousand ten authorities served that search warrant. Although the house already looked different from a few days earlier it was cleaner. Losing some of that feel of a family who moved in thrown their clothes around newspapers that had been tossed about on the floor possibly from a fight. The detectives wondered were cleaned up to the eggs. Popcorn and rotten bananas were put away. They smelled the scent of fresh paint. Detective to go was now searching for evidence of a crime. Blood forced entry anything. He saw a child's beanie a game system controller and a leash on top of a round wooden table later at trial. The prosecution's zoomed into the photographs of that table and pointed out tiny red droplets. That seemed to look like blood. Splatter right there on the table. The detective had missed it. The prosecution contacted detective do goal as they were preparing for trial to let them know that there was evidence that was lost whether it was blood or not. It was impossible to know for sure now now as you were preparing to try i do we point something out about this sort. You did in particular zoomed in the bottom of. Did you see your career as a sex scene. Let's better what you see in the bottom of this he gives us look can't sabe Blood it's it's a horrible moment where i don't know what it is. I did not see it with my naked eyes when i was in the residence at all. And now that. This turning zoomed in it puts a pit in my stomach but what it is. I can't say split. In their cat. sadism flow going through the house. Authorities began collecting computers a thumb drive cameras checks cell phones and records as evidence to go through later. Cadaver dogs trained to sniff out. Decomposition of a human body smelled the backyard. Did you tear up in carpet weaving without the house. Part of search from us vice look for crime and we once you find you can do calico up you walls out into jail. He just little prime we own kabul's some tradition search is the investigation showed both joseph's and summer's last outgoing calls from their cell phones. Were on february fourth. The mcstay's also hadn't used their bank account since february fourth. The lack of communication and bank activity wasn't a good sign that this was only a missing persons case detective to obtained joseph in summers dental records. Unique identifiers just in case there remains were found. One theory was the family fled to mexico. Since their car was found suspiciously. Close to the mexican border in san diego. So every on the chase down every statement thanking airplanes. How i every everyone sexy dress the trooper which indicate a consortia behind it. The season's signature Orders than suspicious allies trimmer. The border immersing states last known position vehicle. I have lived in san diego. I know people frequently park in part and the part that a lot crossword. So i sent a sergeant and detective down to. He was next ordered to choir with immigration. Customs border patrol to find any camera records on a video for a february. Two thousand ten for future. You found a video to two small children. And some of his surveillance video they found was taken from the san ysidro port of entry on that very same day. The car was towed. February eighth video appeared to show a family of four casually walking across the border into mexico. San diego sergeant roy. Frank told reporters that it was an encouraging lead but joseph's brother. Mike said the video quality was very poor and that he couldn't make a positive identification. In fact mike said the man in the video walks nothing like his brother the national center for missing and exploited children or neck. Mak as detective dougal calls them helped analyze the video in that work. Because there's no way over one hundred thousand people have ordered that video. Rows to identify arm is in some of the children just has gone is just for the children's on in summer literally watch each person and neck man people reports the country in copying on hit back sooner out. I'm or most likely they're say that is not the best quality you don't see the faces vigil terrible walking away from the night. Snow shows lights the south stocks and twenty four hour during the pre pretty decent still the same. You counted a different view during the day. The video was a dead end. It didn't look as though the mcstay's had crossed the border into mexico after all. Do you really know. What's in your multivitamin sugars. 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You deserve to know. What's in your multivitamin. That's why ritual is offering poor junkies ten percent off your first three months visit ritual dot com slash court today to get started. That's ritual dot com slash court. It's finally the holiday. Season is season of gift giving spending time with those you love and for many families. It's also one of the most expensive times of year not to mention the busiest. So the last thing you probably want to do is spend your time looking for life insurance. And that's why policy genius makes shopping for life insurance super-easy policy genius combines a cutting edge insurance marketplace with help from licensed experts to save you time and money and right now you could say fifty percents or more by using policy news to compare life insurance when you're shopping for a policy that could last for more than a decade those savings really start to add up. Here's how it all works. I head on over to policy genius dot com in minutes. 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It's nice to get it right after the surveillance video lead didn't pan out detective. Two-goal turned his attention to earth inspired products. The business that joseph fran more about business dealings with his personal records since business writers anything summers personal biases the enron debt halley. Joseph sold customized water fountains and waterfalls high end features sometimes costing thousands of dollars that were shipped all over the world including to saudi arabia. Joseph's business was successful. Even though his expertise wasn't in building he relied on others to construct his designs. That's where his friend and business partner. Charles chase merritt came in because they were both so involved tag teaming at earth inspired products joseph and chase were in constant communication. It was chase initially sounded the alarm to joseph's mother on february ninth that he couldn't reach joseph chase even went to the mic stays empty house and left food and water out for the families. Dogs that were left in the backyard. Here's how chase told it. And his mom a he always. He does wanted to wait for waco well attended. Jason dr phil be malaysia. Day like an Anything cost to defend you at least Uncle nike shows. A dali are being hard on the earth from Call now an february seventeenth. Detectives met with chase for a nearly three hour interview. The interview was recorded. Chase described the last time he remembered seeing joseph during a lengthy business lunch on february fourth at chick fillet or the two partners met to exchange. Cheques detectives went to the fast food joint but two weeks later. The video surveillance was gone so they couldn't independently verify. Would chase had said chase and joseph were so close. They sometimes talked for hours. At a time their finances were intermingled. Chase used joseph's credit card to buy supplies to build the specialized water features. He told detectives chase who called joseph. His best friend was able to provide a lot of insight. Into the mcstay family like the detectives had hoped chase opened up about everything from tensions with joseph's wife summer to joseph's business associate who might have had an ax to grind. Chase seemed to carefully choose his adjectives. When describing summer she was verbal very verbal. He said he wasn't as careful on his word choice. Though when he described joseph as pussy whipped none of joseph's friends liked summar according to chase much because chosen zuber. Nice guy back. Sores bruises the muscles much. presents ferguson And of might just as writing is involved the omission feels the All the windows Summer area near like that because it was never it was always writing. How you how. Everybody her very very difficult. Always said Talks bali hai about for him news. When asked of summer or joseph were jealous people. He said he knows. Joseph wasn't and he couldn't safer sure about summer but he assumed it's in her personality aside from seeing that no one around joseph late summer it was also clear the way chase talked about her. That summer was a fierce defender of children. She wants got upset at chase when he talked about spanking his child as punishment. Summer didn't believe in corporal punishment. Joseph had another son from a previous marriage and summer was said to adore him. The detectives asked chase about his finances from for months. Eight months has been drops homeless from ray off the floor like three months Call my heart then asked chase what he thought may have happened to the family. My wife and i invite you over and over and over again. Just small Over and over by key body Charles marlon he's saying what we read do mexican Aware obviously might stick my life. Things have been in kids and myself for me. I don't believe i have because i didn't have any enemies. He has no financial problems. That is mean you know. I mean over. Last two martin's our the stock is in last couple things and looking reading housing chase was asked plant blink. If he was involved in the family's disappearance he emphatically said no he had nothing to gain from. Joseph's absence has game everybody everything this business. Although solely araujo's he offers in the end now against heart is in these media. Nelson filed solvents thousand johnson Back the all their unlike on are calling for the walk remains to do them all time trying to call trying to condemn devotional getting older. I can sell them so justice task it his room. The end is you heard. The dan that chased mentions. Is dan cavanaugh. Who is in charge of the company's website from hawaii chase and dan were trying to pick up the pieces and run the business until joseph returned had never met dan in person but he knew dan was technology savvy. Chase described him as a big hacker. Chase told detectives that joseph didn't have any enemies but that didn't mean that everything was always perfect at the business chase described a fallout between joseph and dan who had co founded the business together. Joseph was paying. Dan fifty thousand dollars to buy him out of the business and still owed him about two thousand dollars. Dan was going to go from a partner to just running the website of the he said the prisoners. You off. I just told me that you could website joseph that he was just talking about the website. luck odd to working wayside By is part of it. Because i wasn't the money you know awhile Decided sixteen chase spoke with law enforcement for a considerable amount of time even though he was an ex felon and had a probation violation warrant out for his arrest something. The investigators were fully aware of several media outlets reported that chase had a criminal record although he had never been convicted of a violent crime before he had served time for receiving stolen property burglary petty theft grand theft and other crimes. The detectives assured chase that he wasn't going to be immediately arrested for the outstanding warrant. Chase told them that he had wanted to talk to the detectives because finding joseph was more important than chases legal troubles with the warrant. God we decided to be fewer working off screw joe supplanted by the author did that. I can tell you who found later that extra day screwed up liberty. How you can't just a just just was desperate Is the business. Such rescue wouldn't if the detectives pointed out that chase used the past tense to talk about his best friend during the interview and asked him if he has any explanation for why he would do that. Just smell been early in five them as positively level. My kids day held Opening of course ninety using ashton's shoot. I want karen number. Of course chase willingly submitted a dna sample with joseph missing and the business influx chase when to joseph's mother susan blake and asked for money to finish some of their projects. Susan was sometimes woken up at two. Am in the morning from a customer in saudi arabia. Who is upset. Because he hadn't received his fountain johnson who conceded that needed funds to complete them. Were those conversations at all about what happened to joe in begin originally flyers in media and all of that so i asked him to participate in that and he would. Susan began writing chased checks from her personal account which she felt was inactive love for joseph to support his business so he wouldn't lose it when he returned home. She believed she would get paid back but that never happened. She would later tell. A courtroom chase never reimbursed her starting in march a month after joseph's disappearance susan chase and dan began meeting at dan's san diego apartment to plan how to keep the business afloat for when joseph finally returned home. Dan had previously been in hawaii before coming to san diego. Tensions were high between chase. Who needed money to finance the outstanding orders and dan who didn't want to invest anything further into the business. Thank you describe the between of out was it may agree your job. Two meetings for next meeting back down to dan's going over the mountains and the accounts and dazzling it was super dan chase young each other. I'm really really bad. They were definitely yelling at each other's arguing and he wasn't going to much and it was too into time very scary so i literally walked out and said my son's is defined by this time the mcstay family's disappearance was getting national attention. Joseph's brother went on nancy grace multiple times. Detective do goal had flown to washington and appeared on america's most wanted. He was getting flooded with tips including from psychics and mediums. Who wanted to weigh in. On where joseph and his family were. But the years went by the mic stays alive or dead. Were not found. No arrests were made until november eleven to thousand thirteen a major break in the case john bluetooth a napa valley man who loved riding dirt bikes in the desert with spending that veterans day. Doing that very thing. As he went off road near the county landfill about one hundred miles from the mcstay's house and less than a mile from the freeway. Something caught his eye a small white object. He stopped it was a bone he would later find out that it was actually a child's partial human skull that animals had dug up with my association every so. Why did you bachelor. Which is a little. Dr alexis gray. A forensic anthropologist was celebrating her wedding anniversary at home when she got the call from the san bernardino county sheriff's office. She quickly determined the remains. Were human. She went to the desolate scene. That was in the middle of nowhere in the desert in an unincorporated part of the county. Her husband wasn't mad. He understood walking around in the desert not far from the first bone. Dr gray saw more an adult's tibia and an adult's femur laying in the sand. The sheriff's office set up a command post and began to excavate what they discovered. Were two graves. The partial remains of the mcstay family members had been found. Joseph and joe. Junior were buried together in a grave that animals had dug up. Summer and johnny were in the second grave. Buried about ten inches into the sand in one of the graves was skull fragments and dark hair in summers grave. The sheriff's office collected black pants by now dirty and worn from time and the conditions that was intertwined together with a pair of women's white underwear as if the pans and the underwear had been pulled down hurriedly. At the same time the detectives reported other items excavated the graves a kitty backpack part of a robe a cell phone case with the phone missing a diaper a ripped bra and a sledge hammer that had traces of paint from the family's home two sets of tire tracks led to the graves still faintly visible even after all this time. Joseph and summers families heard the news. Joseph's mother remembered the brutal call when she learned their fate on call me and I was at my office. And a off and i was there. Working in told me they found nearby and we were joseph's mother waited six months to go to the spot where the bodies of her son daughter-in-law and two grandsons had been found. Four crosses were left in the sand as a memorial friend. It's hard to find so we walked along time in areas. Reading know never walked desert so and it was hot so we heard obviously wrong area and with some of that we knew and i asked him if the new exactly which way to go and pointed us in the right direction so me and my friend went to see the for crisis. Just drop to because should be a shock to see that over that dr shanna. Kern shing-see was the chief forensic pathologist for the san bernardino coroner's division. It was her job to conduct an autopsy and to look at the history and circumstances to determine the cause and manner of death. Dr shing-see alone conducted four hundred to five hundred autopsies. Each year she studied the partial skeletal remains of joseph summer and the two little boys had arrived in three boxes. One body bag a november fourteenth to thousand thirteen. She started conducting the autopsies in all four. She ruled the manner of death. As homicide she examined the remains of joseph mcstay whose body was encased in a woven type of fabric and dirt. A jury would later look. At the gruesome photograph of his remains which were the most preserved out of his family members. Joseph's ribs were broken. There was an open hole in the back of his head plus other fractures on his skull. His skull had been hit at least four times. The back of his right leg was fractured. He was wrapped in a white electrical cord and across his body was a red tie down. Strap dr shing-see ruled the cause of joseph stuff as multiple blunt force injuries to the head. summer make stays. Skull had been shattered into multiple pieces. Her jaw was broken. In several places. Summers skull had been struck at least six times. According to the doctor's examination her cause of death was multiple blunt force injuries to the head doctor king shing-see couldn't tell if summer had been raped since there was no soft tissue left in the vaginal area of the skeletal remains for three year. Old joe junior. The cause of death was undetermined for four year old gianni. The cause of death was multiple blunt force injuries to the head johnny received at least six strikes to his head right around the time of his death looking at the damage to the bones. Dr shing-see believed the three pound sledge hammer that was found in the grave was possibly the murder weapon that had bludgeoned the entire family sack within the a allowed the use the by law on or a half circle power on loans so no such however engrained the service would say that says she's now investigators could definitively say that the mcstay family was no longer missing but deceased murdered but they still didn't know who had killed them and why and they wouldn't know or at least they wouldn't believe they had enough evidence until almost exactly a year later. Mary was invited responsible. For the death. Of joseph summer gianni and gills missing information suggests there were any other suspects involving from wasn't business associate of joseph mixing. The cause of death was blunt for straw and based on the entire investigation obtain. Investigators believe these merger occurred residence and fallbrook in part to joseph's business partner chase merritt goes on trial for the murders and that's all for this episode. I want to ask you for your thoughts on this case until after you hear part two which will be released next week. It was an extremely lengthy trial that went on for months so i decided it needed. Its own episode. These episodes were researched and written by gabrielle. Roussin but some additions by myself as a side note. If you'd like to hear these episodes without the ads or you want to hear additional court junkie bonus episodes head on over to court junkie dot com slash support to find out how you can follow this podcast on instagram at court junkie on twitter at court junkie pod end on youtube at youtube dot com slash court junkie. Thanks again for listening until next time. If you're a business owner you don't need me to tell you that. Running a business is tough. But you might be making it harder on yourself. Unnecessary don't let quickbooks and spreadsheets. Slow you down anymore. It's time to upgrade to net speed. Stop paying for multiple systems. That don't give you the information you need when you need it ditch the spreadsheets and all the old software you've outgrown. Now is the time to upgrade to net suite by oracle the world's number one cloud business system net sweet gives you visibility and control over your financials. Hr inventory commerce and more everything you need all in one place instantaneously. A million or hundreds of millions in revenue save time and money with nets joined the over twenty two thousand companies using nets. Sweet right now let net sweet show you how benefit your business with a free product tour at net sweet dot com slash court. Schedule your free product tour right now at netscape dot com slash court. That's net sweet dot com slash court.

mcstay joseph Joseph joseph mcstay susan blake san diego county michael tinguely mike mcstay forty year forty-three-year twenty two dollars Madison dash reed Madison dash reed dot madison dash reed Deputy ching lee gaul mexico Detective troy twenty three year ten percent
Montserrat Arredondo: Always start within your community.

The Brown Girls Guide to Politics

15:18 min | 1 year ago

Montserrat Arredondo: Always start within your community.

"Hey everyone before we start, the show wanted to share information our podcast. We think you like called journey to launch for too long. People of Color were denied the resources and access to achieve wealth, but it's more important now than ever to make sure that we work to close a wealth gap for our communities. Wanted to learn how to pay off debt faster save and thus and build real wealth thing you have to check out the journey launch podcast with hosts. Amelia's frant-, who guided on the path to reach financial independence? Get the tools, information and inspiration to achieve your money goals so that you can live a life with more options and freedom. Listening subscribe to the jury Utahns podcast wherever you listen to your pods. Welcome back Brown Girls Ashanti here? The founder of the broncos Guy to politics the one-stop shop podcast for women of color who wants to hear and talk about the world politics. As we continue with our collaboration with she the people. Kerr highlighting women from their twenty women color to watch twenty twenty less. These are all barrier-breaking women are changing the political landscape this year and beyond. Meat Montserrat Redondo. She is the executive director of one Arizona a coalition of community groups which focuses on Latino. CIVIC engagement. Though organization has sent impressive goal and twenty twenty to coordinate two hundred fifty thousand new voter registrations throughout the state between January and October and to facilitate the biggest voter turnout in Arizona history. I'm really pumped to talk to you today. You just have such an amazing career. You've been doing wonderful work in your community. In the state of Arizona I question white inspired you to. I get involved in politics and advocacy. Thank you for saying that well for me. It had to do with my mom in where where I grew up I am actually born and raised here in Arizona and at the. The time while growing up here I grew up in public housing, and a lot of my friends were in a similar situation as myself. Our parents were undocumented. Specifically, our moms and we were transitioning from high school to university, applying for schools and many of my friends realize for the first time that they also were undocumented, and that's really what activated us to do something about it. We started doing some research. More like hey, who's doing something? What organizations are out there? We found folks and that quickly led us to the Capitol where we started to do out of acce- against The show me your papers spill at the time. SB Seventy, two, thousand ten, and that became main focus so after that we realized that we needed to get more young people activated out there voting, paying attention to what elected officials were doing so on and off I've been doing what registration in the state of Arizona since two thousand ten and in twenty teen was our biggest today we actually registered one hundred ninety one thousand people to vote in Arizona is a coalition at winners. That is amazing. That is such a huge number, so you mentioned when Arizona, tell us a little bit more about the work that the organization does. yeah so. Nice, a coalition of twenty three organizations across the state, and we come together with an understanding of getting our communities, people caller registered to vote to then push them into civic engagement in that looks like voting advocacy at the city and state level, running for office, and as we grow by number of organizations were also great into new regions of the state and growing into more diverse coalition with different constituency groups that really at first started with Latino groups at has grown. Into Black Native American Asian. Asian communities that are joining the coalition since twenty sixteen that two thousand sixteen election was another. Turning Point for folks to Steinway thought it was for Latino groups in two thousand and ten and different constituency groups. deciding. Hey I gotta do something I gotTa do more, and that's when we saw our native American groups join our coalition. Also chain, which is are African. American, coalition in themselves joined these efforts. We Love A multi-racial coalition. Yeah, so you mentioned twenty sixteen, a very important presidential election year in Arizona. We know that immigration has been a key issue there. You have talked about a little bit. How is covid nineteen impacting your work to support the immigrant community during this time? Yes, so we've been focused on census this year as well and you know the on the census. There was potential to have a question about your medication status. Unfortunately, that's not on there anymore, so we were making a lot of strides with our community, making sure that they were getting counted in now with Kovin, undocumented workers new families are not receiving any relief. Even those that have citizen children will not be receiving anything, so our coalition joined a bear coalition in the state, and we are raising dollars for undocumented workers to support them with any needs like paying for their rent groceries toiletries, our needs for for children that are home now doing. School work from home and Fund that we're trying to get as big as possible in organizations that focus on immigrant rights will be helping to distribute those dollars I believe that's on our side. It's all over our social media where doing a matching grant of fifty thousand and that closes may first so we're really pushing it right now to ensure that we get as many donations as possible to support our undocumented families. As many of you know our sponsor for the broncos, guys of politics at the nonprofit small dollar fundraising platform at blue. This week at blue wanted to lift up one the ways you can take action to support black and brown organizing work. We've been talking about how it's so important to give to campaigns and how five dollars can make a difference in those races. But grassroots federating isn't just for candidates. Over the past few weeks, people across the world have given to black led organizations fighting for racial justice and against police brutality. The same principles apply to this organizing work when more people can choose what they can. We build a movement that is powered by the people and can create lasting change. At blue together for you can split one donation between all the groups we at the Brownsboro roadside. Politics have suggested to support. You can find the link at at flu dot com slash. Donate Slash digi. Hey Brown girls taking cared as always needed especially during these times. Care of hair should be fun, convenient and relaxing. That's why I recommend Madison Re. Remember Cynthia. She is the producer of the BG podcasts and loves Madison. She loves her hair color, and how healthy feels. The at home hair-color really provided her with salon-quality results literally delivered to her door. I personally love that the company is founded on the belief that a confident woman is a beautiful woman and the team at the Brown Guide really does believe women who are confident can change the world. At around Rolls Guide me to believe confidence is everything we want to empower women to save time and money, and maybe even spend that well earned energy changing the world. Unlike many other hair color brands, it doesn't have ingredients that can damage your hair, no ammonia and no parabens, no fallas and it's full of ingredients sat nourish your hair. Color is infused with Argon Oil Kerrigan and Ginseng root abstract, so you get shiny healthy looking hair. Brown girls, you can get ammonia free. Multidimensional hair-color delivered to your door, starting at twenty two dollars. If you had to Madison and Dash, read the DOT COM. Use My Promo. Code D G G, and you'll get ten percent off pleasant, free shipping on your first Heller hit. My. Promo code again is the G. G. visit. Dash Free Dot com now to find your perfect shade. That's Madison Dash Reed Dot Com. Just thinking about twenty twenty in general, what are some of the ways where you would like to see? Candidates engage with communities of color. This election cycle especially around the work that you're doing. Yeah we are. We were looking forward to being a what is called in battleground state for the first time and getting a lot of attention from. Presidential, candidates or senate candidates, and that has dwindled down right now with having to stay home and work from home. Also the weather in Arizona's changing a lot in the central valley area. It's getting really warm. So, I would love for as much as we're trying to interact with people online where they're at meeting them where they're at I'd love to see that from candidates as well. You know we having online town halls. Online receptions are just live. You know like lives on instagram and facebook Nike like I'm not seeing a whole lot of that and and that's you know folks around Larry Nassar That's where candidates to to find. Folks and people are having conversations about code. They're having conversations about the election on every single day more and more. On their facebook on their circum- on twitter and I feel like I'm seeing less less of candidates in in that space is I left to see them. Awesome. Though I wanNA pivot a little bit for the she, the people list. You got to pick up plus wine in. You chose Alejandro Gomez. Why did you choose Alex Yes, I chose Alex I actually Alex was my organizer in two thousand ten when I was doing work as a in. Eighteen inning year old at the time, and she had been working on immigration, farm and Fighting Against Sheriff Jar, Pyo, who, at the time, was terrorizing the immigrant community in she now is co director at Lucia Living United for change in Arizona, and therein organization that has grown really quickly has a rope last team of young organizers and staff and I feel like that really comes from her style of leadership the way that she's. She mentors, people and cares about our stayed in the difference that we can make in our lifetime to see the change that we're were striving for so she. She's a big motivation for me in this work on how to. Lead with my heart as well as head. I loved Matt's moving into our final question. Our signature question that we ask all of our guests way advice. Would you have for the Brown girls out there listening? Saying I want to be just like her. Yeah I would say. For me before becoming a operative in politics, someone say or just say community organizer I actually wanted to be a social worker. Because I grew up in the projects, there was Shirley would come pick us up and do different activities with us. And she really impacted my life in wanted to be a lot like her, and I quickly realized that you know that those were small changes in I wanted to fix big problems and. Everyone that in order to fix small problems and big problems. You still need a team. You need people around you that are listening for that and also want that. Unfortunately, not there's a lot of us that are doing civic engagement in community organizing work, and oftentimes it's a quick google away or facebook search way to find a group that's doing this in your neighborhood in your area and the best way to get started and get involved to start volunteering and listening to two different podcast in hearing about different artists that are civically engaged on our activist. Of Cardi me who has been really out there recently, talking about the president talked about the presidential candidates. And knowing that wherever you're at whatever you're doing. There's a way to amplifier boys and let folks know what's really up. Great advice and. Yeah I really love how she uses her platform. So this has been a really great conversation. Thank you so much for joining us. Yeah, yeah, of course. Thank you so much for having me I appreciate it so much. If you have a moment, please take the time to rate and review US wherever you listen to podcasts, stay up to date with us on the BG website. WWW dot the BG guy, Dot Com, and on our social media, facebook, instagram and twitter at the BG guide. The BG podcast is produced by wonder me network. You can find them on instagram. At wfan, dot media and on twitter at wfan media. Until next time round girls. Hey everyone before you go I have a quick question were eager to know about our BG audience, so we create a short listener survey to help us learn more about you visit. Wonder me in network. Dot Com slash survey to share your thoughts and be entered to win. Some wonder me network Swag. That's wonder me. Network dot com slash. You can also find the link in the episode notes.

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Up To Date | Smelling Stingrays and a 16 Billion Scoville Cactus

Inquiring Minds

10:39 min | 2 years ago

Up To Date | Smelling Stingrays and a 16 Billion Scoville Cactus

"It's Friday November sixteenth. And you're listening to enquiring minds up to date. I'm engrave Scotus. And I'm Kishore Hari anything. Catch your eye in the news this week. Yeah. So you remember that old Deepwater Horizon oil spill from like say a decade ago. Oh, yeah. That was that's probably still causing ecological damage in the Gulf. Yeah. We don't hear a lot about it. So I wanted to do a little bit of research to see if there are any studies that have come out recently talking about the extended effects of the oil, spill and sure enough just this week. There was a paper published in scientific reports about stingrays one of my favorite marine animals. How do stingrays what do they have to do with the the spill? Well, stingrays have a very strong sense of smell. So their factory system is very important to them. That's not only how they get around. But it's also how they stay safe. And of course, the factory system is one that can be directly affected by. What's in the water because essentially the receptors, you know, there's a mucous membrane. But other than that, there's really nothing separating the receptors from the seawater. So the oil spill which still has left a significant amount of oil in the seabed, Ken potentially have a direct effect on the olfactory system of stingrays. So what these authors did these this is from a university in Florida, the Florida Atlantic university, they took about sort of recreated what the seabed might be like by adding crude oil to you know, they're kind of the bottom of their tanks. And so they had a control condition, which it was just normal and then one with the crude oil, and they put the stingrays in there for forty eight hours and after only forty eight hours of exposure to the crude oil, they found significant effects significant impairments in the olfactory function of these stingrays. So just two days sort of swimming. Around in this in this mimicked seabed that had the crude oil in it really damaged their sense of smell and this this bed that they created. It's not so different than what you would experience in the Gulf in terms of obviously in terms of the crude oil concentration. But as soon they also mimicked other things in terms of like temperature and other conditions to try to mimic it as close as possible. So all about the oil dissipating. That's a counted for in this. Oh, absolutely. And people obviously go in and they measure how much oil remains in the sediment. And there's something like ten million gallons that is still measurable at the bottom of the Gulf. So this is not something that, you know, is is is just a small amount and just in a small place, it affects us more than seventeen hundred kilometers of shoreline sort of along the coastal coastal regions of the Gulf of Mexico. So I mean, it's still severely degraded ecosystems there, and remains the worst environmental disaster in the US this shows like a little bit of my lack of watching nature shows these days, but I didn't even realize stingrays live in the Gulf. I when I when you hear the word Stingray, I think like the Caribbean. More tropical environments to to any idea how big of a population we're talking about here. But I don't have the exact numbers on hand. But they are more common than you think. Today's episode is brought to you by Madison Reed in two thousand thirteen Amy arid founded Madison Reed named after her daughter. The company is on a mission to revolutionize the way women color their hair. My wife has been using Madison Reed for a long time. Now, she loves it. It gets you salon-quality hair-color without the expense. And they're easy to use system. Creates a no mess situation. So it's delivery right to your doorstep, and cleanup is a breeze. You'll look like you just came from this lawn. But the reality is you've had more. Meantime to do what you love experienced beautiful multi-dimensional hair-color made in Italy delivered to your door on your schedule for under twenty five dollars. Join the hundreds of thousands of women who have tried and loved Madison Reed. Find your perfect shade at Madison dash Reed dot com. And Madison Reed with light to honor enquiring minds listeners with. Ten percent off plus free shipping on their first color kit with promo code mines. That's code M. I N D S. So what caught your eye this week? So I'm going to take us to Morocco because there's a cactus like plant that grows there, and I'm going to talk about this cactus plant because it might be one of the deadliest almost poisonous plants that exists. And that's because it's so gosh darn spicy while it's weird to cactuses spicy. But you're familiar with the Scoville scale of hotness, sir. Yeah. So the hottest hepker that exists. I believe is a Carolina reaper now this cactus clocks in at sixteen billion on school Ville scale, which is ten thousand times hotter than the Carolina reaper. And then that's just scales. Like millions of times hotter than the jalapeno. So this is off the scale. If you're a mammal that tries to ingest this, you're basically either going to just instantaneously vomit or just fall down in pain. And I don't encourage this. But there are videos of people ingesting an extract from this plan on YouTube, and they have difficulty just leave it there. So let's just call this do not try this at home, but I'm bringing this up because Matt Simon who is our guest recently road in wired about the story of translating this incredibly hot substance, which is called rescind Avera toxin into a promising therapeutic any guesses what it's used for. I mean, I guess my guess would not be wound care. No. But maybe something that, you know, gets your blood pumping. I don't know so oddly, it's actually being used as a painkiller which makes no sense for something that obviously causes you a lot of pain. Well, this this compound, which I'll just call RT ex for short is a caps in like compound, but it's not exactly the same. And it specifically target targets a molecule that binds in pain sensing nerve endings called a trip v one. And this receptor normally response to things like temperature we associated to pain. So like when we taste something spicy in her tongue. And we feel the heat quote unquote from it that's this trip via one receptor essentially getting triggered. Now. This RT ex analog kept saying analogue binds to that receptor and opens up this channel is sort of like props it open. Letting in a ton of calcium through that channel. And let's in so much him that it ends up destroying the ending. And so the idea behind this is if you get an injection at a site where you're getting a lot of pain. Let's you have knee pain. You get the specific injection over a short period of time. It's probably going to be one of the most painful things you ever feel in that short period of time. But eventually that pain will go away because it will literally destroy the nerve ending their and for people that have chronic pain in certain areas, like knee pain, like back pain that really track to specific area that a lot of treatments don't really support. This is a way of destroying the nerve endings there while maintaining a lot of the other sensory function because this artifacts compound only opens calcium channels, it doesn't actually destroy the entire nerve. Just destroys the nerve ending by opening up that calcium channel. I wonder if there's like also kind of way in which this bypasses, the phantom pain sensation. So one of the problems just like getting rid. Those nerves is that you can still have the psychological sense of the pain. Even when those nerds are gone. And I wonder if this like, you know, big jolt of pain just before the nerve endings die or don't function kind of gets rid of the incidents or the potential for phantom pain. I think that's a totally open question. And it speaks you how we really have a terrible treatments for this right now because most of the prescriptions for this chronic pain are opioids at this point. And those bleeds flood whole parts of your nervous system and stave, and they have to stay flooded in those systems to tamp down on those pains. So you get the all the other associated problems like constipation and a respiratory ailments associated that let alone the addictive qualities of it. So the only way that opioids deal with phantom pain is that you just keep taking the opioid. So I think that's a really open question with this. Obviously just to reassure listeners. They don't inject this without an anesthetic in the area. So it's not like they intentionally person this extreme pain before before it all goes away. So you are essentially knocked out in that area. The nerve endings get killed and then use sort of the feelings were stored in the area. Yes. Oh, it's still. Yes. Still is an interesting kind of thought experiment to think about how that might affect a person's psychological experience of pain. Yeah. We would you take an injection of the hottest pepper in the world to reveal too. Do some volunteer too quickly for that, particular know, I'm not rebound hearing anytime soon. But you know, it does probably limit the amount of people who would get addicted to the treatment. I don't know. I know some hot pepper addict. So maybe. All right. Well, that's it for after date for this week CNN week.

Madison Reed Gulf knee pain Madison dash Reed Kishore Hari Caribbean mucous membrane Florida Florida Atlantic university US CNN Carolina Matt Simon YouTube Mexico Morocco Italy Ken
Sharing At Work Without Oversharing

Safe For Work

36:24 min | 2 years ago

Sharing At Work Without Oversharing

"So here's how exciting my weekends. Are. I was scrolling through Netflix last Saturday night, k-, even the life. Hello. And I came upon the old eighty sitcom. Cheers. Remember that one started watching does it hold up. Well, it is super clever, but here's two things. I noticed a these days, Ted Danson character. Sam would be sued like multiple times per episode for sexually harassing his employees. Diane. That's true. It's not cool. Really, isn't and be a never thought this before but workplace sitcoms. Not just cheers like any workplace that com is basically totally based on every character just massively over sharing in a professional situation. It's discourses shouting out gags about their drug dependencies their sex lives there. Disintegrating marriages. Yeah. In real life. You just put on your headphones and try to ignore everybody. Yeah. I think the theme song of cheers is wouldn't you like to get away? Yes. I would from this work environment. Still great song. Agreed from Hungary. This is safer work job stress. Life relief. I'm Liz Dolan. And I'm Rico Gagliano first up on today's show. We'll be talking with the one and only coach Larry seal about guess what? How? And when to share very personal information in the workplace, then we'll confess our workplace jargon sins and be cleansed in the ritual fire of everyone's favourite segment lingo, bingo is always we will answer your calls and help with whatever's causing you trouble at work all that and more here on safe for work. Okay, people. This is part. Pro tip part confession last year. I decided that I was no longer going to spend the insane amount of money. It costs to have my hair colored in a salon. And I started using Madison Reed on kidding love this stuff. This is gorgeous professional hair-color delivered to your door for less than twenty five dollars. I I really liked the result. It's gorgeous, shiny multidimensional. Healthy looking hair. It covers my gray. Yes. I had some it's game changing color. I do at home, and it's actually kind of fun. So what makes Madison Reed color unique IGT side. It's crafted by master colorist who blend nuances of light dark cool and warm to create over forty five gorgeous, multi, tonal shades. So you can find your perfect shade at Madison dash Reed dot com. So safer work listeners. Get ten percent off plus free shipping on their first color kit with code safe. That's code safe at Madison dash Reed dot com. So as we get a lot of emails from our listeners asking about how much personal information to share at work, whether it's about personal illnesses or upcoming weddings, or your recent surgery, where do you draw the line exactly going back to the great vista me story? It was an amazing. Anyone who hasn't heard that episode go back and find for three Rhone? Three Rhone amusement. But, but it is a question where do you draw the line on this stuff to weigh in is our friend? Larry coach Larry seal, he is the CEO of engaged leadership. Hello, larry. Hello both to be here. So Larry, do you have standards around this or guidelines? What's what's really sharable? Yep. This is an interesting one because my personal default is when in doubt be really open with Mr. TM. I bless me. Love you. Larry, I have the one of the best pieces of feedback. I got from Boston early in my career was Larry, it's okay. To have an unexpressed thought. Excellent in the podcast. Just let it off. Go for it. This happens all the time. And and it it's interesting because a lot of people in the in the business world, don't see what's going on in people's lives. But if you go talk to someone like in the HR, people grew they see this stuff all the time. You've got substance-abuse problems. You got people in trouble with the law. You've got people who made really dumb decisions you've got tragic health issues. And the thing that troubles me is I think our society places a lot of emphasis on being self reliant. Right. Just suck it ultimate American values. Exactly. We're just gonna suck it up and take it and soldier on. And there's a certain value to that for sure. But I feel like it misses out on the opportunity to allow the people around you to support you. And in fact, I think it actually is quite respectful of your friends and colleagues or your boss or your human resources department to say look here is something that I'm experiencing it's probably going to have some impact on me. And I'm either looking for. Some help or I'm just being out loud. And letting you know because it's likely you're gonna notice, but who do you go to with that information? I mean, obviously, you're not going to call a meeting, maybe in certain cases, you might. But I think generally people are not going to call big meeting, and you know, lay this information on the table. Do you do this in individually one on one go to manager what you do? So last year Ida clients who got diagnosed with a cancer, and it was a treatable cancer. But one where he was going to need to be out at the office an awful lot. It was going to get office. First thing he did is he went to his boss, and he said, here's what's coming up. Here's what the regime looks like. And I'd like your council on what you think we ought to do and the bosses council was let's not say anything within two weeks of him starting treatments. He didn't look good. He has out of the office in unusual ways and people started whispering like crazy, right and people are gonna no horse. That seems like terrible council. I thought it was dumb council. I said that's actually not the way I would go. I think you you don't want to do is bring people in on your personal medical decisions right time. You tell someone you have a disease or something member of your family does. And the worst thing people do is start telling you their own horror stories about that Hieaux sending you like helpful articles from the internet about how to cure that uncurable condition. But whether it's your boss or just your colleagues, I think anyone that's in your daily or weekly working group. If you're under that kind of particular stress, your own illness or illness in your family, or whatever like just telling them in the simplest possible way is the best thing to do because they can't help you with that problem outside of work, but they can make sure that there's not undue pressure. Exactly, I can step into meetings for you. I can take notes for you. I could handle some of your workload. Or at the very least understand if the workload isn't getting completed in the timely manner. It was cetera. Absolutely. An and yet there are people who are very private who would feel incredibly uncomfortable about sharing something this personal at work. And that's okay. That's their choice. It just means. They're going to shoulder it by themselves. A in a way that they don't have to. I don't believe at most companies with most colleagues and be Liz to your point. If you think that the impact at work goes unnoticed. I think you're doing. Yeah. Yeah. So it seems like maybe the way to go. Here is maybe start with your manager. But maybe have a plan to present to your manager of chance that you get that lousy says that we're just not going to say anything, and maybe say had wanted to let you know, I and maybe decide whether it's. They or you who reaches out people you need to reach out shore. These things are like chronic conditions, though. I think that's right. I've witnessed people particularly having a problem when like your teenager gets arrested. There's that category of thing which are hugely stressful on individuals, but also like embarrassing or shame people have shame about certain drugs if so that's different right? You don't want to come in and confess in the staff meeting like an addiction and arrest, those kinds of things that people are purposely trying to high, and I think that's why a lot of companies have employee assistance programs and other professional standing by who can help you. But that is a different category. It is shame around something. Yeah. And look in that case, I I would ask coach what's your intention sharing? That are you looking for sympathy. Are you looking for understanding are you looking for support any of those couldn't be appropriate? But if you're just telling it because you want to share your, MS. Serie with everybody. But there's nothing they can really do. I'd really ask. The question of myself is is that fair to them. And is it really going to help you? Well, maybe this is a specifically thing where you go to a manager and say like, listen, I'm dealing with this personal thing at home. I need to let you know. Should it be affecting my work? And you let me know when that gets to be too much work out, something, I guess the backup that you get from doing that is then if colleagues that you don't really wanna share this shameful information with start commenting on it. If they go to the bus the bus can then say, listen. Yes person's going through a hard time. Give him a break when we when we say shameful. We don't mean that you should be ashamed. Of course. We're just acknowledging that there are some things that are harder to share. Because there is this value judgment attached to it. And I think those are the hardest things of all sure, you know, I've I've got a a client from a number of years ago, and she contracted HIV. And she contracted HIV back when it was still sticks. Just take my. Really, a huge stigma and very very very likely to result in in her death. But she was just at the right time. So the medicines came in, and she is out loud about it with people not in a very forward way, you'd have to know her pretty well. You know, she'll say, hey, I'm going to the doctor for my checkup or hey, I just hit my fifteen year anniversary of being free, right? And Rosa party and invites that really says something about her. It says something about the trust and the relationship he wants to create. I stand a bit humbled by that. I don't want Rico is to just be on someone's personal dramatic coaster like if you really have serious issues going on in your life, and I can help by all means share tell me what I can do whether I'm your boss or your colleague or I worked for you, whatever. But you know, there are people that just love to tell tales of all the crazy things going on in their life that I'm not so interested in your life. We certainly have the social media pals where it seems like every crisis. Yes. It seems like it's maybe because the pity party is being enjoyed mother-in-law called me. And you can't believe what she said what are the boundaries that we should set for people like the general boundaries where this is really something that is rational to bring into the workplace. Yes. So I guess I would go back to what is it that you're trying to accomplish? If you can reasonably believe that this is going to impact other people because you're not going to be able to do your job in the same way. Simply because you're not going to be able to be there or you're going to be distracted. Or frankly, you're just not going to be able to focus in the same way. I actually would argue that there's a big reason to go out loud with your manager out loud, potentially with human resources. They're all kinds of things they can do that. You're probably not aware. That's true. And then with their council probably out loud with your colleagues, not necessarily, but probably because they're going to see it. And I think you want to be honest about those things they go coach Larry seal. Thanks left. Advice is always absolutely my pleasure. Hey rico. I have ZipRecruiter testimonial. But guess what? What it's not for me. It's from a listener you see proof that it's working. Here's a listener who posted shout out to ZipRecruiter started with others and added ZipRecruiter this morning already have ten emails. They are by far the best job search system, another great recommendation. See it only works just like they say all the copy points. Yes. How could this possibly be possible? You ask. Well, ZipRecruiter with their powerful matching. Technology scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job as the applications come in ZipRecruiter analyzes each one and spotlights the top candidates. So you never miss a great match. I know it's so affective you get your candidates like immediately on the first day. So here's the deal right now listeners say for work and try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address. S ZipRecruiter dot com slash safe. That's ZipRecruiter dot com slash S. A F E ZipRecruiter dot com slash safe. Ziprecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Or at everybody on Ted's podcast work life. Organizational psychologist, Adam grant takes you inside the minds of some of the world's most unusual professionals to discover the science of making work not suck on season two. What is feeling like an underdog actually make us do better at our jobs here? How Pixar director Brad bird harness, the power of frustrated people to shake up the status quo with the movie the incredible 's find work life with Adam grant on apple podcasts or wherever you listen. Okay. Folks will talk with the caller in dive into our lingo. Bingo segment in just a moment. But before we get to that we had so much fun with their show a few weeks ago that was top to bottom talking to you our listener. Yes, if you have a sticky work situation that you already really have the answer to but one a chat with us about all you have to do is send us an Email. You can reach us at safe at one dot com. Again, our Email is safe at wondering dot com. Okay. Now. Let's take listener call. We have Bob on the line here. Hello, bob. Yes. Hello. Hello. Hi. You're considering some really big life change. And you wrote into talk about it. Why don't you tell the audience? Yes, me and my wife are expecting another baby. Congrats. Thank you. But we're also ten hours away from much all our family. So we're considering moving back closer to family but doing that either I myself or my wife would have to take a pay cut or. One of us would not have a job right away. We're at two careers and jobs that we both love and don't want to give up. And so it's kinda hard to make that decision is the family support we need or is it the financial. I did have two job interviews. Plus the where our family is. And I did get a good response from one they often made a job. But as I told him because my wife's a teacher, we won't be able to know if my wife can get a job until almost dune. And this is your second child has coming now. Right. So you already have a son. Yes. Yeah. So the decisions tougher. I mean, you're asking us for advice on something that is really about a lot of intangibles. But also, you're like most deeply held goals for your family values for yourself. I mean, yeah, I know lots of people who like they really can't imagine living far away from their families. And especially as they start to have children that becomes more meaningful to them. And then there is. Sort of an economic benefit to that. If you believe that that family support is also childcare support. Yes. So we have a series of questions that I think we should ask you that maybe can help way. What you're Josh should be here. And that's one of them is first of all does your family know that you want to move back in their orbit. And would they actually be able to help out in the way that I imagine you hope they would they do know that we wanna move back. They would be able to help us out. So you can factor that into some of your financial calculations here, which is the amount that you would save on babysitters, which is not insubstantial. So next step is how does your wife feel about this like when you have conversations with our sometimes when you leave a job if you have a job offer, and she doesn't, you know, it's not just sacrificing the paycheck. But it also for her big part of her social life and professional satisfaction. You know, having a job that. She enjoys that's networking and friendships, and you know, that can be important to people. So how does she feel about making that risky move? She has one of the hardest jobs on the world. Yes. Amen, which she loves to do. I don't want her to give up her dreams of being a teacher. You know, one of the possible scenarios that you're playing out here is possibly moving and her not having a gig. Then for a while. And can you imagine that being something that not just you? But that she could handle because it is true. Your job helps you get out of the house. Your job gives you a social life etcetera, obviously on the financial benefits is for sure Vashon development in what do you think it could she handle that if she had to be in that situation for at least a while? I personally don't think so she doesn't like being in the house. She grew up in the city. I grew up in small town where it was laid back. So it sounds like the ideal thing like if you say you've already had a couple of job interviews, and you could string that along until like, June when she might know if there's a job there for her in the best of all possible worlds. You would both be able to know at the same time if you had a job, right? But the issue for me is I ready. No, I would have to take a pay cut because right now, I'm working in the twenty dollar per hour. Mark now take like a two dollars dollar pay cut to take a job up closer to family in our financials are very wait the week. So that would be very hard for us to swings. Especially if my wife didn't have a job, so. Yeah. Sure. And it sounds like you're not gonna get the savings that you know, some people will say that if you can get free daycare is like you can save yourself. Tens of thousands of dollars a year. But. It doesn't sound like that's going to happen. I will say if I had to make this decision for you. And you did ask. But it's sounding like the reality of finance is may be crashing up against your desire to be closer to your family at this point. And in the short term. Anyway, it sounds like financially you seem very resistant to making this move. Even though it's it does sound like an idea that you reasons resistant. Yeah. That was my gut instinct has I was listening. Also is that maybe this is the right thing to do alternately. But not the right thing right now, you know, maybe there are another couple of years where you know, your second child is born you continue to earn. What you were in your wife continues to earn what she earns and you get yourself in a position longer term where a move like this might be more doable. It sounds like. That's where you're headed. Yeah. Frankly, is that because it is it's a it's a really daunting the taking on a lot of, you know, financial commitments with the new child, and it's a time where it's difficult probably to move with that an obvious financial upside to it also. Think it feels to me like emotionally, it would be really great. If you could pause and keep this as a goal where both you and your wife can have jobs at the same time that seems really important for both of you, especially it sounds like your wife is. So that's us, but take it with a grain of salt because we are not huge. Or your wife? Understand that. But it's kinda hard to make that kind of risky move. When you've got a family see how plays out I do. I really know a lot of people when they're about to have a kid you start. Of course, having these thoughts about your long term plans, financially, another wise, and I can imagine when you have a second kid. It's specially so how do I want my family to look where do I wanna be in the world, maybe bite off one thing at a time. That's my advice, but go for it. And think about it and good luck to you and your wife and both of the kids. Good luck. Thank you. Okay. Five. Five. All right. Dear listeners after a long way away. It is time once again to investigate the world of lame corporate, jargon and business speak, and we take Solis by griping to each other about it. That's right. It's time for lingo. Bingo. Listener naughtily synthesised of lingo. She can't stand. Now, Natalie works in the fashion business. So these very special. Yeah. So here's her list number one seasoned as in well-versed experience at cetera cringe, when I hear this word, it just could be trauma for my last boss who use this word a lot. And also happen to be very ages. I think that's what it is. Yeah. I like season because it makes me think of food as you know, that that's important to me. It's amazing. How one person can ruin a word they really can especially when you see then how it sort of spreads throughout the entire organization, and everyone starts using it. Yeah, we're pro seasoned because we are seasoned. But also we understand how you could go to hate that word. Also, I like that it's you can use seasoned like applies to would it. Applies to a pizza and it can apply to a person in an organization. So sorry, Natalie you lose on that one. Ace app when it doesn't sound panicky. And frantic. It sounds kind of Bossi says Natalie a sap ASAP. Okay. Now, can I just say that when you say we I totally agree with Natalie at panicky frantic bossy. But when someone says ASAP, I don't mind. And when I see it in writing, I don't mind at all. I think it's one of those things that should only be in writing. What do you think it is about it? Maybe because there is kind of vaguely military thing about it or maybe medical. Yeah. That's probably actually or there's some. Yeah. I feel like I've heard as sap and stat a lot on you know, medical shows kind of stuff that's written. It usually means somebody is about to crash the guy. Okay. We're with you on that one Italy. All right. And then finally number three. This is amazing. Sillo pronounce that way Sillo and abbreviation for Sulu wet, which is the word they use a lot in the fashion business. It's true. But I just love that you have to have an abbreviation for. Yeah. That's what she said. My boss used to say this. And I remember the first time I heard I thought really did. She just abbreviate silhouette. I don't know. I think it's kinda cool Ciller. Yeah. It does pass our first rule of lingo, which is that it has fewer syllables than the word. It's replacing so weird silhouette is a nice word. That is true. We abbreviating beautiful words like silhouette do feel like Americans and the French always had a kind of tension though. I get it on some of them. But I don't know. I think we may be split on this. You don't like Salou. I think I like, I don't like it. Sounds like it could be the name of a cool singer salute on Suad, featuring silly. Okay. You're going along way for this. Now. Yes. What? Natalie. Don't listen to him. Thank you for these. And if you wanna send in your horrible pieces of lingo that bother you endlessly, we'll debate them here on the show just on them to us at safe at one dot com. Listening makes us smarter. More connected people. It makes us better partners parents leaders, and there is no better place to start listening. Then audible audible is where so many inspiring voices in compelling stories open listeners up to new experiences and ways of thinking, for instance, Liz book that I know you can't stop talking about. Yeah. I recently listened to creativity ink by Ed cap mill. And he was one of the founders of Pixar, don't you love everything about Pixar us, of course. So the books really interesting because it kind of breaks down there process inside the company, but also about how great ideas don't come from some flash of inspiration. They really come from people working well together, which I've always believed. Yes, listen to creativity ink by Ed cap mill. Yes. Whatever those picks are people have to say about stuff. Clearly, it's working and not only can audible members here that book they get much more than ever before members. Get to choose three titles every month one audiobook, plus to audible originals that you can't hear anywhere. Else? Members also have unlimited access to more than one hundred audio guided fitness and meditation programs did not know that and audible delivers bestsellers business sofa prove memoirs and more all professionally narrated by actors authors and motivational superstars like Rachel Hollis. K? Some start listening with a thirty day audible trial and your first audiobook, plus to audible originals are free people. Visit audible dot com slash safe or taxed safe SAF e to five hundred five hundred and listen for a change. That's audible dot com slash safe. Okay. Liz before we wrap up today's episode. Let's take one more call from a listener our favorite thing to do. We have Kelly on the line here. Hi, Kelly Kelly. It sounds like you have not only a super annoying situation going on at work. But something that does pose a bit of an ethical dilemma for you. So describe for us. What's happening? Okay. That'd be a coworker. Who's a super slacker infect a couple years ago nicknamed him WALDO because we never know where he is. He's knows he gossips. He he sits right by me. We're only five feet away in an open office plan. He'd rubber neck see stuff on Facebook on coworkers etcetera etcetera group, he also if you project he needs a lot of hand holding. He just requires a lot of tension. So a couple of years ago. I was promoted to a senior position, and he wasn't happy about this. Call him, Mark. He was in happy because he was their first. So he's started to any to be promoted, and he wasn't because of the for mentioned behaviors. And I think he gets away with these behaviors because he has a flirtatious relationship with our CEO who L call, rob. So he he's kind of handled with kid gloves. Everybody looks the other way. And hey, just does what he does. So he finally got irritated enough. A couple of months ago to go to each are into rub in demand that he be promoted, and he was rob overrode three levels of management, basically said you have to promote him, and they did so bad. That's so bad. Okay. Sorry. I'm really fired up about it. Anyway, before I used to kind of just ignore. What he did it was annoying. But you know, it didn't affect me. I did get promoted my bosses good to me now that he's been promoted. He is starting to kind of encroach on other people's stuff. And I think there's this fear in me to that. If he doesn't get his way all he has to go to rob. And then get the project or what ever he wants the other thing is prior to this whole situation. I was kinda dissatisfied because I have a really long commute, and there's no opportunity for advancement. So now with this Mark thing, I'm just kind of a loss. I feel like I can't even report it because HR reports to rub rub has a background in each are used to be an each person. So go there many levels of problem here, this covered rub is a sneaky. Yeah. So first of all it's just acknowledged this is so annoying. Kelly. And certainly someone needs to read rob the riot act because this kind of favoritism mixed with a sexual relationship, or at least they perceived sexual relationship in case, you haven't read a paper in the last several years. It's you know, it's a perfectly good reason for termination, which maybe if you're the CEO you don't worry about, but also a huge legal liability to the company like what is rob thinking? But that's not your problem. And so we talked about this for a while. And you know, it does feel like maybe someone should step forward. But we debated whether or not it needs to be you. Yes. Because I would say like on the one hand if coach Larry were here today, he might say just keep your eyes on your own paper Kelly, like if it's not your letter said, it's not affecting you don't let someone else's bad habits, undermine you. And your ability to do a good job. Right. By the way. It also sounds like because this involves the CEO because you don't have much hope of your manager HR addressing the problem that there's not a ton of recourse here. Short of actually mentioned in your Email to us that you were thinking, maybe you go to a regulatory agency. And then the question we asked ourselves on your behalf is is this annoying co worker and your anger at his undeserved good fortune worth the hassle in the upheaval of going to a regulatory agency, which is pretty extreme. But however on the third hand. We can also imagine that. Yeah. I mean, there are colleagues there that are being passed over for promotion in favour of this guy who has a serious problem. So just because you're not being affected doesn't mean. This is an issue of fairness and equity in the company, and it does sound like you just told us. This was a new wrinkle as you spoke to us this. Now, this idea that maybe you're starting to fear that you could be you know, bear the brunt of his wrath 'cause this favoritism shown towards him. But here's a weird. And maybe practical way to go Kelly because you're not you're not as far as we understand. You haven't directly born the brunt of him yet. Right. You say that you still treated fairly by the company, otherwise for the most part? In fact, it's a little bit of a long story. But this did come up in conversation with my manager about a week or two ago, and I did express my dissatisfaction with Mark trying to take some of my stuff. I never told her about looking for another job, but she begged me not to leave him. See knows. It's an issue. Yes, she's very upset as well. Because she feels Immunitor her hands have been tied. I hope that is that's interesting. This is where favoritism can create such a toxic situation. People think it's kind of a benign thing that oh everybody has people they prefer. But it's not true. It undermines the morale in the performance of lots of good employees. Yes. And I think in the absence of your manager being able to do something though. This may be a way to go Kelly. We're not sure there's a difficult situation for sure but bear with me. This weirdly, something that I heard from glorious Steinem. Okay. Recode quoting Gloria Steinem. Attention must be paid. I'm I'm bringing her into the equation. You're ready for this. She has a policy that is called ask the turtle. I believe she was a grad student or like a college student and she was on a biology trip or something they were down by a river. And she saw this turtle. That was crawling away. The river. And she was like, oh, this poor turtle, and she returned the turtle to the river and her professor came up and said, you realize that turtle has been like working for three days to get away from the river. So it can lay its eggs, and you just set it back like seventy two hours, and she realized that it's like to figure out how to help a person in need you need to actually ask that person. What they need ask the turn on the turtle. So in this situation, it seems like the people that are most affected by this guy. Are I would say the people probably directly under him. But also the people who are passed over. So that he could be promoted. So maybe the deal is you talk to them and say, what would you want to be done? I'm angry on your behalf. And I'm frankly worried on my behalf. What do you think we should do because they may be like, please don't do anything because it's just going to make my life terribly difficult. But on the other hand, they may be like let's team up and figure out a way to all go forward together come up with some other solution to do that's. Do even know people that are that you know, the turtles. I know a couple of turtles, and you know, maybe one other person whose marks friend who is not a turtle. I guess that's the possibility. I hadn't thought about that. I mean what we're trying to do is separate here. Like, if it was just you, and you didn't feel responsible for the other people, and you were saying to us it hasn't affected me are my job than I probably I do hear. Larry's words in my head just keep your eyes on your own paper, which doesn't mean you shouldn't leave. That's like because the other thing you said is that you have no hope for promotion. Right. Euro you've gone as high as you can. So you should probably be thinking about your next step anyway. So you could just address yourself to that. And not take on the larger issue of the general unfairness in the workplace. Right. But then we didn't want to tell you just not care about the unfairness in the workplace. Yes. That's when we had the turtles. What's what's your instinct? Kelly like about what you should do for you. And what you should do for the company. I will tell you already started interviewing with other companies. I in fact, interviews with a competitor the other day, I'm just kind of focusing on that in drafting my energy towards that. And just I put up a little file folder thing my desk. So he can't get me anymore, and I'm trying to pay attention to him and just put myself in a bubble in like Larry said kind of pay attention to what I'm doing. And we're my future's going to be just try to ignore what he's doing about as they totally valid react. And and probably regardless of what you were going to do as far as turtle wisdom use. It never hurts frankly to be on the lookout for another gig. I made just be time for you. Anyway, having nothing to do with Mark. But you know, the fact that he's right there on the other side of the file. Seething seething challenge. I it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Keep it up and good luck Kelly. Okay. Thank you so much for your health. You're welcome. Bye. Bye. I. In case you missed anything from this episode. Just tap the cover art to check out the notes for today's show. You'll also find our Email address safe at one dot com. And if you want to support the show, you will find some great offers from our sponsors another way, you can support. Their by filling out a small survey at one dot com slash survey. In hops, make the show better for listeners like you. And who doesn't want that nobody it's an excellent idea. This episode was hosted by me, Rico, Gagliano journalist and anti brunch. Author and Liz Dolan bus emeritus and satellite sister. Our original theme song. Composed by Martin Blanco. Audio engineering by Musa Stanton produced by Audrey, no executive produced by Alison O'neil and marshal Louis created an executive produced by Hernan Lopez four one-day remember workplaces can feel crazy, but you don't have to.

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