20 Episode results for "MHM"

A Circle of Ghosts

Family Ghosts

00:00 sec | 1 year ago

A Circle of Ghosts

"Call the ancestors Salim with us. Coming December fourth from MHM spoke media. And W lt it season three a family ghosts fifteen all new episodes including the story of the survivors of the last slave ship to enter. US Waters Uh. We'll have stories of long lost fathers. I've been wondering like why. Why do I need this like why do I so much? Investigation into the male part of me right into my father heart and long lost brothers once once on a cross town bus I was absolutely convinced he was riding behind me. The same dark hair parted to fall over his right eye addy they faked it all in order to what moved to New York. The couldn't be wise it. We'll have stories of huckster 's and he nothing to do with clams us right because in the jewelry heist that's what he uses used clams yeah. They hid them in the clams and stories stories of haunting and I went down the hall and opened my door and I could feel something was wrong before I could pinpoint it and and then my is found it. There was a large black hunting knife stabbed in the middle of my bed mattress. All that and more. You're on an all new season. A family ghosts where every house is haunted circle of ghosts and they're begging egging to be released.

Salim MHM US New York
55. Thrash to Action

The Long and The Short Of It

20:44 min | 1 year ago

55. Thrash to Action

"Hey Jen Hey Pete I had conversation with a client of mine yes today phenomenal mutual client allows in fact and she asked me a really amazing question that I think is worth you and I on packing I just thought to myself what a brilliant brilliant question yes at s because yes exactly so my suggestion is probably very unsurprising in terms of how I unencumbered thinking I think unencumbered brainstorming I think of getting as many ID's and stories and things the clearest most efficient most creative whatever you're values our path forward through all of the brain dump everything you've got to get out of your brain into a space yes yes so I was talking to said client about L. set being able to look at everything that you have gotten out of your brain and create filters to help you find thrashing is just brain dumping without any regard for what form it takes is just like make a mess with essentially the skill set that one must build in order to move from thrash to action is a sorting it is the long and the short of it thing I think we both throw around quite a lot and so maybe it's worth just unpacking what that means for a second so when I think of thrashing I think of thrashing very good so those have listened to a few episodes of this podcast Martineau that this would thrashing is some trying to make the starting pock fun creative and easy do you have any title rushing yeah I think about he's like arrive thrashed for pages and pages and pages he's the idea I have how do I move from thrash to action like what does that look like your head and either onto a page into a voice recorder or onto a whiteboard as possible that so often the hardest part is starting and so for me thrashing his learned from some thrashing so a week or so ago I gave them a little bit of a prompt a little bit of homework. If you'd like to unpack you know one of the things they're interested in working so I'm spitballing here because this is just this is my thrash on thrashing the on and and a whole range of questions don't necessarily need to go into but it was essentially to provoke a thrash and Nicole yesterday we had I kinda prompted this client to move from thrash to action and that was to fire up a blank dock and at the top right that after you have asked yourself those questions and then answered them in a way that feels full and rich any this project Saturday with a four prompting questions that I thought would be a great starting point for her to take thrashing brainstorming noodling ideas and start to give them some structure and start to prioritize who exactly is this idea for and what exactly am I trying to do with this idea things from your brainstorm that doesn't meet the criteria that you've just set for yourself in terms of audience and outcome need a little more deep digging and so I think that's an interesting point just to call that is is something that I think many of us where we're at in their in their thrashing essentially so they had an idea for a project that they wanted to start a new and exciting project and that idea kind of can be shelved for perhaps a different project but things that feel like they could be contributing factors to the change you seek to make is it four is it not for and what's It for and underneath what's a full actually to add what change do I seek to make back to move from thrash to Action Yes let's that's it Oh yes and you just never know when something that came out of your brain maybe several years ago is going to comeback around and be of service to a new idea cell doesn't mean delete it just means put in a folder called someday maybe I literally was doing this today Peter so it's ironic that this is the topic so at the studio were moving into actually by getting more specific by getting more intentional and by picking or prioritizing certain pots of your brainstorming of your thrashing creating some digital courses to help reach more people more on that in maybe a future episode about how do you take noodling that is how you create specific meaningful change so you have to get comfortable with letting some of go in fact probably letting most of it goes so I was sitting at my desk and just giving myself permission to thrash I was actually using some questions that were provided to me by someone might struggle with is is letting go of some of the things that we've thrashed like off got so many good ideas and they thrashed though I don't I don't want to necessarily limit myself and it's like a maybe now the way you said that I'm putting you on the spot here but the way you said that suggested you had like an example that came to my view of what happened to you and do you want to share on who is helping me sort this out and I was just writing down anything that came to mind that could be a potential the answer to these questions and then once I looked at it all I had to say to myself what is the most frequent Louis asked question that I get from people or what are the several of them and which of these ideas could help provide something that you thought could only be done in person and then figure out have the moment of Oh wait not all of it could only be done in person what about the part that doesn't struggling with which of these ideas is most likely to help them with the thing they're struggling with some of these ideas are great but not Ford this particular what's at four so that was that was helpful okay I love this so my response answers to these deep burning questions so that helped me with that first sorting round as say people have told me what so this is yes we share a lot of similar ways of thinking but this is not one of them the have to be done in person and what about all these people who keep saying will you help me so now figured out a way finally to help the people who say can you please help me and so if the thing that I am playing around with in that moment does not ultimately add up to this long oh I do have a clear vision for the future that I want to help create and the world maybe build that for a different purpose but what I'm really looking to do is create change that is richer I'm not gonna make it and then the other layer of that the question that I would ask myself is in what way does this allow me to live moving from thrash to action because what I'm realizing even just even having this conversation now and what I'm remembering is you being someone who likes to begin with the end of mind very specific that I can speak about clearly toward a different future and so if the work that I'm doing is not a contribution toward that few long view vision that I have for the industry I'm not gonNA build it because there are other people who can y so any future that I'm going to seek to build I've got to be able to show up and work on that thing every day feeling completely inspired to do it and knowing that working on that is going to allow me to exist as the best version of I want to live in and the state of in alignment with the thrash today the state of the industry that I want to help make possible mostly as I mentioned was to start with WHO's a full who's not for what for what change to seek to make do you have any other immediate thoughts on so the question was should I take a course should I read a book should I read a blog about podcasting once I've got these questions answered and I was like and maybe being someone who likes to just just kind of show up and do the thing we probably have different ideas on how one might move from thrash to action I am seeking to make through this project for me it's just like start so I don't mind saying this particular project was a podcast with my vision for the future so even though it's hard I'm getting up today doing the Work Nas I love how different cast let me use my digital courses as an example okay so I decided I wanted to do this I went through the WHO's it for what's me it was like once you've said intention once you've thought about who it's four go start make the thing I love that it's not real so now that I have the release date I'm able to look at all of my resources that I know I have between coming in time in that moment in time and decide how to allocate them I don't know what I'm going to be doing with the money the time the relationships but I it for and then the next thing I did was put the date of the release in my calendar because if it's not in my calendar myself so even on the hard days on the days where I want to give up on the project I can say I know that this is in alignment with my y and it is in alignment I don't I don't necessarily need to map out the details of every single step along the way but okay you're talking about and I read okay so this is where we're different see for me I would want going to inform all of the choices I make every single day because I've committed myself to doing this project so I agree with you reject forward in my opinion is by doing the project he's by starting it and so that was kind of that was kind of my take on it was what if fake start and have some sense of what what you're working toward or at least what a temporary finish line looks like or even like a milestone yeah yeah and I think building on that what what I rush sort decide strategize start wow oh that I need to budget them that money the time the relationships etcetera because if I'm going to meet this ship date that I have said that is your collaborator or someone to give you feedback that going alone for moving from thrashed action is really really hard and once I have a clear intention which to me is what's it for once I have a clear intention on who it's for who seek to serve and once I'm clear on what changed ticketing it so is it possible that the road from thrash to action looks like this threat I feel like I see you and he with those amazing ideas from going from thrash to action and what I know to be true myself and this is kind of what I'm sharing with with the client was that moment will come that there will be a moment when you've moved from thrash you've moved into action and you are a number of weeks into action and I love that so I want to propose a pathway that I think we may have articulated without I just share my experience because it's not major tell you what to do but my experience is start my experiences the quicker you record a podcast it is valuable having a co collaborator or coach or a friend aw mental or whoever it is to keep you accountable. L. Purchase ought to this I think it's great who we represent a wide a wide range lucky I agree because I really win the dip comes when the inspiration wanes because one thing we know for sure and we did an episode on the dip recently one thing we know for sure is why you set out to do this in the first place so find your Jen to your pete find your short long looking through that is by having selling to keep you accountable someone to talk to someone to ask questions and someone to remind you of who your work was intended to before he was fired up feeling creative ready to go she'd done her thrashing she's like I want to move into action right now how do I bring this thing to loss yes it also makes me think about complexity creating a podcast now this is any moments where you start to feel down insecurity and questions and just reminding them on that road the dip exists so I just wanted to say that out loud the various stages of that of that process so what was clear in this conversation I had with my client to use her as an example is she was on fire like she I just started and you don't have to use the first three or four or five or six recordings that you do you just use that as practice you don't have to release them into the wild but exited level is fairly low but certain projects like producer Broadway musical or even addity is to not plan and my strategy is to plan so in both cases we're strategizing so thrash sore after a thrash if what comes out of your thrashing session is a potential project it is important if you are dealing with a complex project the grain of salt but doing a self produced podcast that doesn't have sponsors and doesn't have any corporate interference the COMP- it decide strategize start yeah I appreciate the reframe on plan the other thing offs the more you will learn the better you will get that the way to get good podcasting is by podcasting the way to get good at riding is by rotting the way to move gasol creating something like a Bogo starting your own little project is you get to decide how complex it is and I think it's worth calling that out because sometimes like Oh my God what have I done I don't WanNa do this anymore this sucks who am I why am I doing this thing maybe I'll just quit and that a really really helpful the project I'm taking on right now of creating digital course is significantly complex where there are a lot of moving parts and a lot of moving parts have D I just wanted to point out which sort of touched on just before but that is being mindful of one's level of motivation and inspiration yes and if it is a project that you have control over the lack of podcast what I love about that is you get to decide how complex like that yeah it's almost like a little map and I was originally essay plan start but I switched it to strategize because ship yours tendencies that one thing can't move forward until something else has already been established or decided so I do think it's just worth calling out that to have a sense of what those parts are going to be before you start because otherwise you may end up having to start all over again fraction path as it were is to really give yourself a moment to take what you're dealing with and make sure that you haven't created as you make it you get to decide how simple you make it and in actual fact what I reflected back to this clients to close the loop on it in terms of starting a podcast so to summarize could you walk us through that little map that you drew again Jen yes let me go backwards Peter Moving backwards to the beginning of the path from start you back it up to strategize in order to strategize you had to have I decided in order to decide you had to sort and in order to have something to sort you had to thrash so the path the thrash in path because you know that's how I like to go so if the idea is to start something than the his thrash sort decide strategize start and it's just so that you worked backwards from the end to the stars yeah that is the long and the short of it thing from someone who literally just shows up at the appointed time and speaks into a microphone I don't do any of the production work so take what I'm about house like this is amazing here are some ideas also be mindful you weren't always feel this fired up like there will be a moment they will be okay. I have no idea what you're talking about a can't wait to hear I mean it would help if I told you so the question is what does it look like Mhm Yeah Yup so I guess that comes during the decide and strategize phase of the action path from this would suggest and this is where I was very lucky in terms of having you and having output Cowan we started out podcast which is funding accountability. Buddy ed great hiding spot for yourself and if you are standing out of the hiding spot to get real with how many moving pieces are there and you need them all we can hide in complexity we can make things way more complicated than they need to be so that's sort of the invasive what you're saying I I would keep the friction low I would I would keep it as uncomplicated as possible so you could go down a path of trying to create a highly edited outcast with sponsors and advertisements all of that but is that really what it's for are you creating unnecessary complexity and part of the exciting part for me of having something like.

Pete I Martineau Nicole Mhm ed Cowan
148. Penguin Games: a calming story and meditation

Be Calm on Ahway Island Bedtime Stories

20:45 min | 2 weeks ago

148. Penguin Games: a calming story and meditation

"Hi everybody today after a quick message. We are happy to share one of our favorite stories and relaxations with you. Enjoy. Hello walk away Islanders our meditation and story will begin in just a moment. First. We have a message for our caring adults Hour podcast is now available on Amazon Alexa download the be calm on a island skill now and say open be calm on a island. Thanks. If you haven't already, please become a member of be calm on our way island podcast on patreon. You'll find all your favorite episodes down there and so much more your support will help us grow to bring you more of the content you've requested. Thank you for listening known now. Let's relax. Hello our way Islanders. Let's see. If you have everything you want to be calm on a island. Are the lights in your room dim or off? Do you have your favorite blanket or listening buddy? Before we begin our story. Let's relax by taking three deep Dragon breaths. Breathe in through your nose filling up your belly and then out through your mouth imagining you are breathing fire. Ready deep breath in and out. again deep breath in and out Mhm. Last one fill up your belly deep breath in and out. Today the air will help you feel calm as if you are resting on a cloud. This is all pretend and you are very safe. You will start by focusing on your feet slowly move up to your head and end by thinking about your entire body wash. Ready to find your cloud. It is in a warm and sunny sky. The cloud is soft and fluffy like a giant pillow. The breeze circles you as you lie back on the Cozy pile of fluff. Think about your feet focusing on how they feel. Do your feet feel warm or cool as they float on the soft cloud. Do you feel the breeze with shame between your toes? Does the wind take off a bottom of your feet? Let the cloud float your body up and breathe like a dragon in and out. focus on your legs How do they feel? Let the cloud support them. Your legs are light and floating just like your feet. Relax and feel the warm breeze swirl around you. As the soft Cloud gently rocks you back and forth back and forth. Think about your back. How does it feel? Relax into the fluffy cloud and breathe like a dragon in and out came the soft Cloud hugs and gently rocks you as you float in the air bag. How do your hands feel? Your hand is open with your fingers spread out allowing the breeze to Circle them feel your hands often as they float on the warm cloud. Your body is light and calm hugged by The Comfy little cloud. Think about your arms. How do they feel? The wind gently swirls around them as you rest your arms on the fluffy cloud. With your feet legs back hands and arms all relaxing. Notice the lightness in your body and float. focus on your shoulders feel them soften as they settle into the cloud breathe like a dragon in and check out. The cloud hugs your body gently and rocks you back and forth back and forth. Think about your neck. Is it relaxed and soft? Feel the wind sway your head from side to side as your head rests on your Cloud pillow. Enjoy the feeling of comfort as the cloud gently cushions your head loosening your jaw and your forehead. the soft Breeze swirls around your face and body relaxing you even more now your whole body is floating as the Cozy clouds the ports your feet legs back. Luke hands arms shoulders and neck. Relax and feel the cloud hug and rock you back and forth back and forth wrapped in the area blanket. As you continue to float, let's take three more deep dragon breath. deep breath in and out breathing in through your nose and breathing fire out of your mouth. again deep breath in and out last one fill up your belly deep breath In & Out Club. And great job everyone. I hope you are tucked in some nice and cozy. Okay, I think we're ready to begin our story. Let's be calm on our way island our story today is penguin games. the dragon flew back to the land of ice and snow for another visit with princely the Penguin and bow the beluga whale off the dragon paid close attention to the gorgeous landscape now knowing the way everything was white with a little bit of blue in the ice and see stars twinkled in the sky and the Moonlight caused the snow off to Sparkle like diamonds. The dragon landed in the soft snow and began searching for princely and bow. Then princely slid up and over adrift on his belly. He spun in a circle and popped up at the dragons feet. The penguin smiled and asked want to try. It did look like a lot of fun the dragon heard a splash and turned and saw the little whales smiling from the surface of the sea org. Go ahead. You'll like it both encouraged the dragon. I'll have fun watching. The dragon nodded at princely with a smile princely smiled and said this way. The friends waddled up to the top of a tall drift princely showed the dragon how to slide the penguin took a few steps back ran towards the edge of the drift off. He went on his belly princely zoomed down the drift spun at the bottom and popped back up again. The penguin waddled back up to the top of the drift and ask the dragon ready to try the dragon smiled and moved back for a running start off. The dragon went on a belly slide chuckling the whole way the dragon slid right into another drift off. The Little Whale watched to see if the dragon was okay. Then he laughed as the dragon emerged smiling wide with snow on its snout princely Penguins laughter echoed down from the top of the drift. And then sliding down on his belly princely zipped past the dragon and popped back up on his feet. Well, what do you think the penguin asked the dragon stood up and shook snow flew off in all directions landing on princely and bow the dragon smiled and began to climb up the drift to do it again. The penguin followed as the dragon got ready to slide again the penguin noticed an eye twinkle and wondered what the dragon was up to them. The dragon took a deep dragon breath in and out. And Flames melted the snow as the dragon slid all the way to the bottom. The dragon had made an ice flying a princely decided to try it. He backed up for a running start with the whale and dragon watching. He waddled as fast as he could to the edge of the drift off. He went down the ice slide on his belly. Princely was moving faster than ever. In fact, he headed right off the glacier and into the waters slash. Princely changed his slide into a dive he drove down down down through the water and then arched back up. He brought up in the water next to Bo the Beluga the dragon smiled and climbed back up the drift ready for one more Slide the dragon backed up so far princely and bow couldn't see suddenly the dragon appeared slide and quickly on the ICC office and just like the penguin the drag and slid right off the glacier and into the water with a gigantic splash. Princely and Bo felt the sea water rain down on their heads and laughed. The dragon popped up to the surface smiling then a shiver rippled through the playful Dragon. It was time to go home and not warm up. So the dragon waved goodbye and wandered over to the train station before long the train arrived with a cozy compartment already for the dragon warm air, whooshed through the doors as they opened and the dragon stepped aboard and found a comfy feet. What a magical place the dragon thought looking back at the land of ice and snow. The train traveled past the animal sanctuary the beach and returned to the forest. Reaching the Cozy cave the dragon breathed a deep breath in and out. Enjoying the memories of the ice snow off the little whale and the Little Penguin. The dragon and smiled creeping onto the Massey bed. The dragon circled around on the soft Moss. And lied down. A tail curled around the peaceful dragon and grateful thoughts rolled through the mind. The little dragon was happy to have learned a new game from princely thankful to have shown the penguin with a new Twist on his game the dragon smiled and wished the little whale and penguin a peaceful night. At that moment. The dragon was very happy to be cozy and warm again wage with eyes closed the little dragon wrapped arms and tail around not tight hug. and then relaxed Taking a deep breath in and out. The dragon melted into the mossy bed with another breath the dragon called volt. and smiled then one more deep breath in and out. The dragon's mind quieted down drifted to sleep in the warmth of the Cozy cave. Thank you for joining us to be calm on our Island. See you next time.

Islanders Bo Cozy cave Mhm Massey bed Luke ICC
Introducing Verified

Mob Queens

03:46 min | 8 months ago

Introducing Verified

"Hey there it's clever all in here. Senior producer of mob. Queens. If you're like me you loved Anna Genovese story because Anna wasn't just a victim. She fought back well this week. Where excited show with you. Another story of feel US women. This story is cold verified. It's a new true crime. Podcast from stitcher verified tells the story of a group of women from around the world. Who Band together to bring. A policeman turned sexual. Predator to justice. I've heard parts of this story and it gets me fired up every time. I love the power. These women take back without even the police on their side instead. A team of Italian reporters helped these women build their own case against their attacker. Enough for me. Let's let the show speak for itself. I have here for you. A special sneak preview of the first few minutes of verified a no tour listeners before we get started. This story contains descriptions of assault and sexual violence Mhm Cecilia having etiquette. Good Zag. No I I wasn't so scared until now I was just nervous but not feeling really scared. Oh I don't know if he can come after us for revenge are something sorry so sorry to be bothering out of nowhere else to talk to sorry silly. If you can tell to me a little bit okay bye. That was Maria but she wasn't always this scared seven years ago. She was a care free twenty two year old on her first trip abroad to Italy and so much has happened to her. Since then that it's hard to put into words but I'm GONNA try. I'm your host Natasha del Toro. I'm an investigative journalists that I've worked on a lot of stories about crime corruption and abuses of power. But when I heard this one there was just something about at the really disturbed me and I think the reason is because what happened to Maria and the other women that you're about to meet could have easily happened to me. It could happen to any of us. The Man Maria is talking about who she scared will come. After her for revenge he caused a lot of suffering for a lot of women and he did it in a very calculated way. He used online tools. That the women in this story that all of us have learned to trust whether it's to get a ride or to find a place to stay home but what happens when that trust is broken and you become the victim of a crime if the police won't help you where are you supposed to turn. This is not a story about victims. This is a story about women WHO FIGHT BACK. Verified is out. Now listen in Stitcher podcast spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

US Maria Anna Genovese Queens Natasha del Toro producer Mhm Cecilia Anna assault Italy twenty two year seven years
HILLS FINALE RECAP!!!

Make Speidi Famous Again

00:00 sec | 1 year ago

HILLS FINALE RECAP!!!

"Thank you for listening to this podcast one production available on apple podcasts and podcasts one. It's so weird that people forgot being on television is the most powerful thing in the world. Yes everyone's like got. TV's Dad Blah Blah Blah and Nigeria new episode of makes mighty famous again. Sadness is a whisper addition. Garner is asleep. We are in a hotel room. We are currently hiding in the bathroom and I'm looking at the Monitor and we are in Denver Colorado. It has been quite the travel every fall we or is to come home by myself and then governor and Spencer started coming home with me he came home home with me last year and the year before that I was going to come home and then God they didn't tell us I'm your lake. Five centimeters dilated. You definitely definitely cannot go so other than that year. I come home every fall and it's just so nice seeing the fall leaves. It is my favorite season of the year. It's mainly take time of the year so he started on an annual flu Colorado trip today. I feel like we started a few days ago. Because because we've been packing has been a really busy week. My Dad was like hey. Are you still coming because I've been so busy. I haven't even been able to talk to my parents like I know I'm just so busy getting ready so it started last night in preparation to leave. Governor woke up every ten minutes and felt like I don't know I just couldn't sleep it was insane the worst nights ever of his sleeve was rolling around and then Spencer had wake up at five. Am for the Apple iphone yeah. Thanks a lot Tim since I found one pretty positive. It's always been you can start. Pre Ordering at twelve o'clock. AM is appetite o'clock talk but this year their whole marketing can is don't be up all night long. What are you talking about each until five am. How do you expect act me to be not rolling around freaking out that I'm GonNa Miss.. The fricking five o'clock and window that so nice all your New Yorkers must have message message. You're like hey it's fat Ceasar. Adm New York. That's cool for us. Blah Blah Blah so yeah could never be alarm go off because it would have woken up governor so I'm having to check the phone all night long. Nfl Sleep of course and woke up at five forty in omis law the frigging I foun- eleven pro Max in Green for the September Timber Twentieth ship date and have to wait. 'til potentially October. Fourth Party waited an entire year to have all of these improvements and most were like who cares is just a phone My phone is literally our entire business all everything anything that has to do with our careers pretty much especially now that the Senate is on my phone so that's good news. I thought you're getting it October twenty four what do you mean. I thought you said you weren't getting it for like twenty extra days or central the days you but we're not even there so what the twenty fourth it's only like a week later or aren't you frigging. Pollyanna or whatever so funny so mine nine Spencer gets me one and it gets shipped might always get shipped before him. I don't know I guess because I have the less amount or something probably the less special one and and he gets so absurd her up not the less special you just don't need five hundred twelve gig young any light to fifty because I have eight hundred twenty four thousand photos right now. Have you looked at how many I have no. You don't know them and you don't know that you're how many they had never see any photos. What are you kidding me. I probably take way more than years your phone so I guess I should have also got I offered as you may be cancelled it when they were five hundred S. Yes told you why don't want the big one. It wasn't yeah it's bad for you. I was disappointed with the green. I thought I was going to be like Amr Old Green Pine. It looks like crop green shading on crap greed. It is like gray as well so so upset that you let me cancel your Freakin five-hundred Yang if only announced to fifty. You also have all the well yeah. This is what our lives come do that. We have to our after traveling all day long the airport about that we are now in the park house in the bathroom downstairs because every night we can only. August is asleep so I this week has been dealing with like business and accounting and payroll and using his whole naptime up time to do that so we can't podcast and then by the time he falls a sieben eighty. Is it extra Zombie so we kept podcasts at night move every day. She's able to tomorrow tomorrow and it's literally like we're supposed to submit this today and now like at physically. Couldn't I just way way too tired and I just got back so we had our back on Tuesday and that I had so much stuff to catch up on and get ready for the trip and it's just been a lot but with that guy downstairs need what's up tonight. What are you doing today. I was going out tonight. It's Spencer I looked up to my hotel room and have to whisper in a bathroom and podcasts elected mayor. I what Yup Yeah. Not that party animal you see on TV. That's for sure yeah. That guy only gets out. That's why he was like fully out on the hills. I I go out. I have to go out from our job. See you later bye bye. I'll be home tomorrow night at midnight. Well we just got in the reality reality. Is I just WANNA. Give a shoutout to happy cards. Happy Cards make giving personal gift cards easy and stress free free by helping you give the gift of choice no fees no stress and they never expire for a limited it'd time get free shipping on all happy cards orders by visiting gift cards dot com slash happy or pick one up at your local grocery store door. You can use different happy cards at any of the brands displayed on the card for those last minute birthday parties. Try Happy Happy Kid you that for me which features rainforest cafe Jamba juice bye bye baby regal cinemas in gymboree or treat yourself after a long busy summer with happier which can be used at the cheesecake factory macy's Sephora and SPA finder more for the lucky fellow in your life happy guy features home depot buffalo wild album wings autozone Makore Megan mix and more for a limited time. Get Free Shipping on all happy CARDS ORDERS ORDERS BY VISITING GIFT CARDS DOT COM slash happy or pick one up at your local grocery store. Anytime is the right time to make someone happy with happy cards. Please make me happy for my birthday and get me happy card Yup. I'm going to take you. I'm GonNa get you that. Happy her so you can go to Sephora because you're Iran and had a lip kit honey since you're going to have these epic stir. Fr- again lip makeup because Jenner just through his new Air Force One little plane you bought at the airport in your frequent mouth and gave a bloody lip so yeah I think you're neither stronger stronger lip kit inside so that was our five. Am That's where our morning started and then I became over this this morning governor just weeks earlier and earlier on like okay he's been going to bed and he should be sleeping till eight like he's missing an hour or two and then they didn't sleep last night so we will really cranky and I WANNA use tired. He also doesn't eat and I should say two things on top of each other but he ended up being such a trooper day a so I became to the house and I had her take him to yoga. It was his first job. He's had a really big week of classes because it's like mommy and me and like Abbie will take them all take a took him to soccer on Monday and then she took him to two other classes this week because I was working by so he yeah he loves it and then he eats like his friends that he already knows and it's something from to do and it's so good step to preschool because someone there that he loves and trusts but it's is not fully just putting him also to good stepping stone for governor and it's just really fun for him. Yes I am a helicopter. Mom and I am not ready to let him go. I know I am sure he would be fine but for me. I am not ready to let him go so this is a good step first grade. You haven't told the pushing story. Have you know I had not told that story. Worry Oh my gosh okay. There was also a mom and my mom original baby had a son that was like very advanced and really you know he he was like the first I walker in the group and all this stuff so he's really strong. He ended up being in one of gunners new classes this week and she he was never in the classes before he he pushed Gunnar twice so hard and he pushed him back into the lake little refrigerator kitchen thing like play one in the room room and gunner was so upset and he didn't cry but he kind of looked at him like really shocked and yeah and then the kid pushed him again any like how old himself and it was so goes out. I wasn't there. Thank God I was there because my blood wishes boiling here in this and I know it's just kids and it's probably good for him to get a little bit tougher but like what the freak the gunner would not do that to another kid so I mean maybe I don't know why it just was like really upsetting that happened to him and he was just kind of hugging himself and then Spencer now like what should we do about. This is a better if he like pushes kid back. Do I need to teach them how to push so later that day like pretend you say no yeah. I was expensive. No he should not push other kids. We should just teach him. That's it's not what you do and then later that night I start like roughhousing with him because he loves her housing and then I like kind of push him a little and laugh and then I pushed me back push me back and then he pushes me and like I don't know if this is wrong. This is probably assistant looks over and it's like. I don't think this is a good idea yeah well. I don't want him getting bullied either and then if I desensitized them a little bit to it you will be so shocked like another kid pushing me like Oh okay. It's like fund roughhousing and you know like he wouldn't you know I don't know so there's no right I feel like but I didn't like push him harder or anything anything but a laughing and try to make it funny and I'm not doing it anymore but I just wanted to make it a little less shocking and and help them out because I was Obvi- Abi said he was like really upset and he had a little mark behind his head and I wanted to call the mom I was like I'm GonNa call this mom and since it was like don't call the moth awesome. What are you going to say your two year old pushed mighty euro they they're still to young dig- really kit unless it happens right at that the moment and it is such a sweet kid. This kid is a really sweet kid. It is NA. I'm sure just who knows your script while no the kid is is really a nice kid. He's just strong is all I'm saying like it's very advance so stronger than guarantee well. He's more for whatever it is. What is it about bully goner so sweet and later that day. There's this little baby on the grass and he like goes up to the puts. His face rampart goes hello baby. Hello and he's like so sweet and kind ended the best big brother but it is it is good for him to have little things like this happen because and I'm glad I wasn't there or the the Abbey was there and I wasn't there because it also helps to kind of cope differently than if I were there. Maybe he would've been more upset or like more shocked into good for him to have that next. Step like I'm. I'm saying to you know in Preschool. I'm sure kids push all the time in like maybe someone doesn't see it like there's a lot of kids running around and I don't know so it just made amy like put everything in perspective like how hard it's going to be when governor comes home and a kid hurts his feelings or whatever and I need to work on not being codependent and letting it affect my emotions like by you know like governor needs to have his own life own Russians in the deal with his own things and I need to not like take it on. I and you know I was a little bras nosed kids and I mean I remember. My friend strangled me at that age because boy legged me and not her like yeah. I mean things happen at that age. Heidi has seraing of aw love of their would meet them. Every time we get aggressive view Cam Damn towns is mad. Oh you mean you're so funny. What holds true I had to get. There are problems uh-huh with our children when they are teenagers. Were moving or not. You have problem teenagers. What are you talking about. Are you putting that out there. All we're moving more bovine. Were moving to the moon. We are going to get so rich. We're going to move to the moon and seeing later everybody no. I'm just saying I was saying when he gets older. He needs to have its own emotions and his own things. They need to like not panic as I also. I'm sure MOMS were upset when I said things to their kids or whatever and I wasn't a bad kid. I you know what do you mean when you said these kids like one time when I call this cross. Kinky ASS HO and she was upset and I was in middle school and it was a root thing to say and I didn't know she she got so upset about it and the whole thing and if I were that mom I'd be really upset. Somebody called my kid that but it wasn't a bad or it wasn't a bad kid. It just gone although fate with a girl is an incident report and I got in school suspension for in school suspension aw I bet you had that more than once right to be loved giving me shot up. Mr You're be where we're looking at the window. DENVER even though we have the bathroom blinds down and we called three different numbers at at the hotel of maintenance front US operator. They're like yeah 'cause this. One blind is completely see through like when looking out of it right now now and there's a thicker one above it and they're like. Oh push the button hiding. I spend as say twenty minutes but I don't exaggerate again in fifteen minutes trying to find this but and that enough I call again I like and I'm like we have the white one down that Tan Tan one can't go down like Oh. That's just a decoration. That doesn't go down so you think you can have both of you. It's not even a pretty looking down you do that. I don't know it's not even the prettiest decorations. Why are you vache. Blinds definitely see through but this hotel is yeah. We're not complaining. We love the forces minus that PR girl that works in the Santa Vergara. I never called even after shade around the Pug as shows. Your podcast is not powerful yet which made me realize that anything we see on the PODCAST. We could like move shins. Oh sweet a podcast congratulations to our good friend. BFF PODCAST ONE CO-STAR Kaitlyn Bristowe was nominated for a pop podcast people's Choice Award Rats Caitlyn. Well deserved does eighty said. I don't think her break up her career no. AC She's like Sia later booth. I'm Outta here good for her didn't didn't moving. She's so good at it. She has such good guest. She's very very professional kind of opposite of our podcast anyways. Yeah Four Seasons is great to have the best restaurant downstairs unbelievable and when we got here they not only upgraded ice. They gave her this little ten day. He loves loves as down pillow in down little blanket and keep you mess dispenser. He kept diving in it. It was he'd Sprint as fast as he could and like almost clothes does hang up but I mean like I and upper just like brushes head mini like jump into it over and over. It was so funny so so anyways this morning we got in the car and then I was checking the status of a flight it said delayed delayed. It was delayed almost two hours and I had prepared myself this morning in prayer time because you know why a lot of people you you've got a lot of people are going through a lot of stuff and there's a lot of tragic things going on with people that ain't no and life is just really sure and and so it was like okay God. If it's in your favor I ask that everything would be on time in this not and if not just enjoy the moment and wherever we're if if we're in the airport if we're in the airplane even if I'm so tired I can't see thank you that I'm alive. Thank you that I have my husband and my son and and in twenty years I would do anything to be back in this moment so I just want to enjoy and I did. I had a really fun day. anyways it was delayed and and so we're like okay abby drove abby drew with us to the airport because she took the car back for us which was so nice and such a nice offer for her to do and we're like okay. Should we head home but is privately traffic in. La and so really I do hang out all day airport okay. It's nice a this guy is short and I just WanNa say it was more fun for governor running around in the airport anyways I mean I just wish the airport had had better Wifi so we could live accessed the summer inventory clearance sale for show Mo- knee for Shami. Oh my gosh let me you too. I cannot believe I even miss that but thankfully I have some because the clearance sale from Chamonix is here right now. When you order genucel Jawline jawline treatment you will get the classic genucell for bags and puffiness free. That's right free two day. GO TO GENUCEL DOT COM enter Heidi at checkout out. Here's beverly from Huntsville Alabama. OMG I love this product. I saw difference almost immediately recommend to everyone. They had a problem with their jaw line fine. All genucel products are amazing totally agree genucell neutral in treatment specifically targets a delicate skin on the neck and jaw for tight unhealthy younger looking skin results guaranteed or hundred percent of your money back. No questions asked and to start seeing results in twelve hours or less genucel. The immediate effects is also free order now in their legendary collagen builder is also free plus amazing go to genucel DOT COM and enter Heidi at checkout for instant discount. That's three free gifts when you order limited time only go to GENUCEL DOT COM. That's G. N. U. C. L. DOT COM and I recommended did it to my friend and she's loving the product to what a great product because not everyone wants a need surgery. This is a great great alternative so check it out nothing to lose hundred seventeen back but yeah. I wish we could've seen that today so the airport was really fun. I am the airplane did not have Internet as I think it was the first time I haven't had access to the Internet for three three hours and maybe since big brother bought a book got seventy pages which is a lot. That's more than I've read since of hot gunner that makes two of us. I read a book or two which book the Brad Thor Book. Oh No. I'm feeling read a few books. we love reading big readers in this house. We're used to be Spencer. There was a time when he read like a book every few days the time where we got to hang out once upon a time every day for seven years I haven't spent a read many many books a day but we have and then we got a bloody Marys in the airport which was really fun at Wolfgang Puck Doc and we got the rain time. It was so busy in there but there were a lot of kids I like. It's almost a a club now when you see other parents. What's your how're you doing you good yeah what's going on where he going so moms and parents are very supportive because everybody knows the journey any that everyone's going through to get there what it took to get to the airport what it takes to pack to get to the airport where you're going and just takes a lot of stamina on so. I appreciate the other moms feel like we'd like walk by and high five and gutter loves other kids. He had such a fun day. I was also preparing for no oh nap today. I had a feeling that wasn't GonNa Happen so I already let that go mentally and emotionally. I was like I'm just going to not have any type of expectation on APPS and I'm not gonNA stress about it and if he skips an APP today would you most likely will it's fine so gunnar and I were up almost falsely falsely twice so we get onto the plane and it's the weirdest layout ever been on. We were blessed to have first class and the seats were backwards. I get carsick and we're looking at the people to the right of us. It was like a staring contest. I didn't WanNa look up and I think think so awkward. I don't WanNa look at this do for three hours. You know this plane just came from New York. I can't imagine how long and we are that flight was and there's four people in the first class front row and they're all squished together. I'm like why is going to walk. The coach looked horrible. I ever you and I was like no kidding and then we didn't get any service service. They didn't offer us dreams finally when they did come. Ask US take us like our food order. We ordered okay. We'll get will each have the cheese displayed. Do you think we ever got that. She's no he did it now and so the girl center after as Heo just wondering like after the Speier came. We are now descending as it just wondering if that cheese plate was ever coming you know is very nice about it. She's like Oh no you didn't order and I was like Oh. No I did order it you just it never came. She's like no you got your traffic noise. I didn't get anything and then she's like. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry you're right. I didn't give you anything. Oh that's okay. I know sometimes you just run now. Sixty I ran out and I forgot to tell you and I was like Oh okay. Yeah no worries so then. She gave me like this little box that anyways the whole thing was pretty funny but the lady next to US was freaking out. Shall we watch Mary was like is I like every job but when I see we'll have forgot harder than me uh-huh like God. I'm so chill. He's have everyone psychotic was giving what is his tribute. I don't they out even even army headphones. I had her my head on ninety two of us. I don't know here's mine traveling together. I think just complaining for the for I having so too. It was so weird she was like hitting on him but then not an their conversation totally sounded like a strangers but then she like kept talking the whole thing I don't no no because it was people that have to apply and sit next to each other for hours as strangers kid per. You Strangers Rangers out there that do that so many times. I have not fully so what are we. GonNa do because governor is not gonna be able the have is synonymous bringing this up again just saying Switzer's like what are we. What are we GONNA do. I'm like well. We can all three and Koshen US perfect because we can. There's three of us so is never. GonNa sit on the floor in front. I mean what are you talking about. The jet not coach. Can you stop besting booed awesome so yeah. The whole flight was really I mean we didn't really carry just wanted to ask if it was coming but it was very nice and she kept saying thank you serving so nice about it. I think also because the other lady was so crazy about it but everyone loved Gunnar. Oh and the pilots were persona. We're randomly eating at this restaurant and the they saw gunner freaking out about the planes I mean he is like Oh like everything screaming so excited crying crying. You couldn't get on the plane like he was loving and so these pilots were like hey. Here's a photo for him. They give this little card with it on it and I I was like Oh you guys delayed their our on that Denver Flay. Oh my gosh me to like bring them up to the cockpit he can totally come and get a photo and they were so nice and so. I forgot this happened and then we we boarded spence was to get the votto and so I took on her up into the cockpit and they put a little hat on him and let him sit the in the sea and were so nice. Israel like the nicest pilots ever so spencer somewhat was falling asleep on the flight for like ten ten minutes probably oh I don't think I did I remember getting pushed real hard and then you said I need water. I was like and so I decided to tell you about you. Woke me of what are you talking about. You know he didn't aww really didn't woke you up when she asked me what I wanted to drink. Okay in one version and I'd rather be we haven't really triggers even start but we made it to this league so we could always drive in our flight is early on Sunday so we'll be there by like eleven and it's just a forty five minute flight and when you're ascending and descending you're only in the air for like twenty minutes so it's a really easy next flight. God willing hopefully and we'll be in Chris Mirai birthday okay so yeah we got here. We rented the car and we ate an amazing dinner. You're in Denver definitely at the restaurant for season is crazy good. Did they have these peppers and they're like yes well high. God bless her. Thankfully we ended our glass last breaking curse. That's great news of a yeah. They have hot peppers and they're like sometimes. There's a really hot one in a ruin your dinner. Don't go go all the way we went all the way it didn't ruin dinner but that was a frigging rush so having getting a lot of deums uh-huh all week long from people like where is the hills finale recap so if you made it halfway halfway in the episode and you say you don't watch the hills which you know as busy as we are imagine you're planning. I'm binge-watching it one day when you're sick so if you didn't here's a quick recap of what happened. SPIDEY recommitted their marriage after ten years MHM brody and his alleged fake wife Caitlin pretended continued to pretend everything was fine in their relationship Ashley or as Brody would call her waller's wife and Caitlyn finally spoke to about all the rumors ars air quote. The word rumor has been on my least favorite words also call that reality is there's another word I guess nobody St- My I guess when people lie about something it has to be called the rumor I guess and and at the same time just bobby made things official with his instagram influencer model z brandon broke up with his girlfriend and Adriana and Stephanie had to deal with the fact that their relationship fantasies would never come true at least on season one aw Oh don't forget Michel Barton she's still part of the show and she came to the vowel renewal not sure though if she she will be back for season two you never know spend a lotta additions. you know she could get big part so yeah. It was definitely my favorite. Excuse me I had gone. It's a long day definitely my favorite to episodes besides in the history of the hills franchise there is so much a truly loved felt like it finally finally exposed what I've been waiting to just firm onto like stop playing pretend which was like wire brody and killing pretending ending that like they're gonNa go have a kid and it's like if you go on. TMZ Dot Com right now you can look at Brody in Montana with his new almost wife Josie can Saco horseback riding leaning over kissing each other drone shots of their cabin. Here's what's so funny about people for some reason and Brody's mind and I'm assuming Josie and Sega's mine. It's cooler to put your relationship on an APP. I love instagram APP. It's great but to put it on instagram which then media outlets can then take that and put it everywhere so it's not like he is trying to live a private relationship but do you know how much more money and fame you would have got if you just did that exact same thing you did it. Air Montana but you did it for the hills season two if they they just been filming you today and they put out a sneak peek clip and then TMZ pick that up and then you could re post that on your instagram. It's so weird that people forgot that being on television is the most powerful thing in the world. Yes everyone's like Oh my God. TV's DAB Blah Blah Blah and not true DVD movies will always be bigger. I don't care what anybody says. I'm sorry so just an melts my brain and it just shows that already whole literally has the worst manager in my opinion obviously on planet earth because because it just makes no sense you. It's what you're doing right. Now is so beyond entertaining. You were just fake married a Monday night the episode the hills to a girl who's now wearing an m diamond little 'em and holding your hand up on her engagement finger coming out of Tom Ford after parties with my listeners and New York and you don't want to put this on TV. I this taller a side note because I'm just talking about the finale and it's like here. We are brody's arguing with me. In the finale like everything's great radar relationships perverts just be honest and truthful on a reality show or don't do it. It's like don't don't don't try to film with me it because all you'd have to be like you know. We're figuring a lot of things out. You know it's definitely in the ups and downs in like at least put a little bit honest honest. You not like what a religious pervert does which I know at the time was not true and it's like you don't eat ally TV. No one has these like expectations -tations that you in this. Rando have this magical mayors it. Everyone wants to achieve like just be real and you would've come off better because now just looks like you're straight up liar because that's what you were but I'm still very optimistic for the brody thirty one eighty and based off of his new lifestyle and what mutual friends have told me about how much he's loving dating twenty one year old or twenty two year old new girlfriend that he is you know back back like never before so that's exciting but I just don't understand this whole. Oh like. Put Your mazing content for free platform. I would totally understand if you like if the horses you're riding in your edgy photo that you got paid by that horse breeder and it said like Hashtag or Hashtag sponsored and then it had like the Horse Company they like breeds the horses or maybe even the cowboy boots you guys are way like at least tell me as a sponsor paid post to be putting that but my gosh it just melts my brain screen shot and send it to one of the producers of the hills and it was like oh that this wouldn't have been a great first episode of season two but I guess around like a photo instead. Whatever ever so yeah back to the episode the problem with being on a reality show is when people make it seem like it's weird when you're asking them questions and they're being so closed off because somebody was like it's not? Your Business Spencer like you shouldn't be like worrying about Caitlin birdies. marriage offer or whatever they were well actually it is my business because I I was getting paid thankfully miracle God blessed by common. MTV very very thankful as getting paid actually to ask all those questions because because it's really shown you're supposed to talk to your cast members about their lives and nobody wants just a superficial layer people can watch that and people's. ID's stories or or snapchat manufactured image crafting self editing. That's all all over but you know if you're going to do a Docu series in two thousand nineteen also known as reality show it needs to be very raw authentic and needs to be genuine truth in my opinion again and so it's really not a nearby actually it is. That's my co star. He's getting paid and so actually we are supposed to talk about. Our lives are real live. So that's my thoughts on. Somebody am at mentions that I had to bring up. There was none of them and then the other thing. there was so annoying was Caitlyn. Brodie's former girlfriend was all like angry about how you know Oh. Where are they all talking about. me and my relationship again Gaylon your cast members you co stars if we don't talk about each other's lives and our own lives. There's no show that is how you make a reality show so that was a little a nine two but besides besides that episode was beautiful renewing our vows was way more powerful than I anticipated emotionally just experiencing that and then shout out gunners Gov other Shrek share for Baghdad. He called me and said the best thing he'd ever watched actually was how they showed all of our cast members sitting there having to watch watch US renew our vows after all of them pretty much ninety nine point nine percent. I guess maybe just a couple nice things back in the day but I don't enough. He like actively out there supporting us you know I said like Oh. They're great does okay so he gets a pass but every other cast member was so oh anti Spidey narrowly may get Bob La and as Shrek said they're cutting all these people and you can just see in their faces like Dang saying like not gonna say their lives are all jacked up because not all of them frankie and Janner perfect couple Ashley in Waller's wife also known as Ashley in Jason are striving so you know there's some people that some strong things but it was also and they also never trying to break down but everybody else pretty much as Shrek said. It was fun to watch there. There is is another disappointing thing for me on the finale was that at the house she cancelled last minute which she she was didn't want to engage with Stephanie or whatever say yeah welcome to my life but we're gonNA show a suck it up but just what I would just told her uttering. I would have been like a drina. All that really matters right now is Iraq ten rack up ten is a free member base a loyalty program. lets you earn up to forty forty percent cash back at over two thousand five hundred stores so many outlets to choose from Nike Forever Twenty One and lift under armor Walmart macy's best buy expedient groupon and ticketmaster ten name of few. That's more than a few but to name a few all the places you already shop but this time you earn cashback always free no gimmicks no points to redeem so simple and easy to use go to rack Ten Dot Com click the retailer you're looking for art. Activate the cash back and then shop as normal. You'll earn a percentage of every purchase you make up to forty percent cash back. You get paid every three months in the form of a check or via paypal sign up today wreck dot com. That's uh-huh dot com. Hey I'm Heather Morris and I'm Able Bernstein Mitchell Aka aflame and we're the host of the new show dance room on podcast one the veteran dancers and choreographers that have worked with Alexa beyond say just in Timberlake Britney Spears and many more on this little show called Glee. I don't know if you watched it. Well each me. We're GONNA go a fallout on our favorite. TV shows like so you think you can dance dancing with the stars and world of dance so don't miss it get new episodes of the dancer every Thursday on Apple podcasts and Dan podcast one. He does make sure to go to the episode description and check out our sponsorship deals. Our sponsors help keep mixed by defame again free to download and they'll hook you up with great deals on stuff you love. Oh stuff you need and cool gifts for your friends and family so I almost died being my suitcase name to him. It is so pitch black and can't see worried because he's I troop that most like broke my face. I know I hit my foot and trip over over the thing that got caught myself but that was so intense we think we're whispering in here and then in there. It sounds so loud. That's why he goes mom Tom daffodil because he hears I talking in here. That's so cute. He kept calling for you. He usually just calls her mom. He was and then as he's Falling Asleep because my dad because here's you talking in here my dad. Oh my gosh that was so ridiculously cute. Well you missed my many any recap of the hills finale and also talking about a brody and Josie Josie can say go oh we're on. TMZ Today because of Brody and her I g posts of them riding horses in Montana Kiss each other and I said to our listeners why wouldn't they just fill this. TV show get paid ridiculous amounts of money and then post the TV show clip on their. Oh Gee or a shot of them filming like it's so crazy that people think they're too cool for television shows like it blows like fame Moors. They're they're having been in the intention which is great. I totally not hating but it's a US or not. Private couple boyer completely public. You're doing stage photos that back in the day would have been lake spidey stayed steady set up photos that people hate it on including being brody like I'm not like you are like that and you are fully doing an instagram for free when we yet finding finding ethic and you guys are doing that knowing you're going to get one. TMZ Ali's places went out to all the hottest spots it like have like it's just so weird but like just yup opt to refer to the TV show right and and you should anyways entertaining stories. I WANNA watch it. That's captions like going. We need a home in the mountain. It's like no no no. I'm the one who lives in the mountains from home. I think you're forgetting like I don't know. Have you ever been to the mountains. Like what are you talking about. Malibu has some big hills cable that he's a city way so that was very funny to me and I just did a whole post on Mike thing about going home into the mountain so but it was pretty funny on the farm probe pairs than you really are doing. The Lord's work which I am I had a friend. Tell me about tragic things she happened the happened the other day and she he wanted to tell me about it because she just felt like she wanted that spiritual support and that just that was really called feel. God's let's work and presence like that and to be able to pray for her and be there to support her third such a hard time. So I was great. I UH-HUH COMING ASHAM getting ready to run any minute. I am so excited for me to actually be home didn't even talk about the finale Heidi and your with thoughts on my thoughts on the finale I thought I worked so hard. I'm a dance and I did not get. It was like three seconds. I appreciate that there is in there. Do you like the three seconds they used or no. Jaba there was a way better things you know so it was fine but there is like a a better combination fold up and ask for that clip. I'm sure if you you need to get it so I yeah I liked it. I thought that it was really RAV. Everybody felt like everybody really put themselves out. There in the finale felt like it was really real. People even close to us being like was that real or fake take this whole season was very real. It felt like everyone escaped themselves. I felt like people were trying to image craft but the producers did a really good job of kind of breaking down those barriers. I felt like you know I'm I felt so aside for everything. Whitney was going through even reach out to her about that. I felt like with the drain I understood where she was coming from and I would have been the same way again. I thought it was really great. I loved seeing just an Lindsey become official on that was kind of a different ending than even he thought he would have so that that was great and I really like Lindsey. I think she is a strong woman and is very funny. Sassy and I like her a lot so from what I know of her. I don't know if she likes me but and I loved my mom was there also loved house and mental was. I think that was nice. You know it's like we have been together for so long. It has been a through line from the hills that it has been so much of our love story and our lives there that it is nice to to share that in that realness not enjoy and working hard for it. One of our friends said like everybody wants that but nobody will work for it like some of you know the other people have not they have different places in their lives and everyone's going through harder things but some people could have that and they they'll brody and kill and could have but they didn't want it clearly yeah. I mean they either. They're not the right people for each other or they just don't WanNa work out. I mean who knows who knows what is going on but relationships tips are work and they are commitment and that's what we've chosen to do and it's not just like. Oh Yeah we got married and everything has been happily ever after we've had no problems at we know there have been problems and ups and downs and it's about that commitment to each other and fighting through that and prioritizing each other in a loving way you know love never veils. That's my favorite Bible verse. Love is patient. Love is kind. It's like it's about not is you can't be selfish in a relationship you have to be selfless really prioritize the other person and think about where they're coming from and what's best for them. It's like it's not your own life anymore. You're it's you have to put someone else before you. Oh and you know that's what we've chosen to do and our commitment and love and so it's really cool to be able to to share that with the audience and with people and that joy we get from that too. It's like there's nothing more rewarding than that love today. My heart was just melting a just God who is really speaking to my heart again like a ways just like how we have this family like we are a mom and dad to this boy were we have this sweet little dynamic and he thinks you're so funny and fun and he's growing up in such a loving home and he so supported and you know we just we have this little little family and it's just everything. I've hoped and dreamed and wanted and it's it's just so fine. It's yeah it's not easy and I can't wait sleep but it's like I'm here. I'm in ED. This is what I prayed for. This is what I've wanted and and we're mom and dad you know like our Heidi and Spencer us but like to take on her where Mommy and daddy and that's just so special and cool to be that to him. I just like these said. This show has been hard. Love stories like it hasn't been shot as a love story until this week. I feel like thank God Revolution Alex Ganda to really. Show our relationship for the first time how it is a love story before I was just like a commercial for leg don't date everybody loved to jump. On that bandwagon and now Shrek brought brought up Shrek was like love the zoomed in on everyone's face the jumped on the not idea and Spencer team yeah and now it's like they don't really you know what are you going to say so people might not I mean it's also challenging because it's a group of people together but like like I don't consider all. Does he befriends you know it's like they're more of like coworkers and acquaintances but they're like friend is a very strong word. I think I'd like three friends and they are best friends so for me. That's like the same thing but they are great. co-worker acquaintance friendly friends wins but yeah season two is going to be very interesting. You know season one was very interesting. I think it came out grey and it was a great show and I don't know I don't know where I'm going to be act. I don't know when I'm going to get pregnant and when I'm going to sleep and where life is exciting for US Jason where I'm going to sleep when I'm gonNA lose her bed. Where am I going to say tonight. Diabetic that is so cozy by the way it was so hard to get out he went. Let me get every time my dad so she so excited. We have our our little family unit. Adu- dumb so excited always thing on earth tied with you think so Dan always I gotta say that. Oh what else I feel like you put in your note out. I didn't even have time to notes out this week of dealing much talked about stuff here and now I didn't I would much of heroes the doing much we sold our best piece to one of our best Eh Daddy. What did you do those you like my hammer time video. Do what my hammer time video now yeah well. That's not podcast level. Something eighties really funny. I'm GonNa Start Working on these notes. Killing Killing Bristow yeah I was pretty shocked to see that that ills visit Eh Janna not hating either Janet Kramer and her husband must be because he was a football player and they've had drum or or whatever but they are nominated for the top people's choice podcast also on a reading about what it was and it was like talking about the second is a fire engine never heard so many alarms downtown and their podcasts is just about about a frigging their relationship and say listen. What do they do? You know I'm also surprised at the hills isn't nominated soya. The one agenda curse called wind down that I drink more wineman heroin think she has wine like w. h. i. a. and the Mini Stack shepherds nominated the best podcast from Kelsey Kelsey zero what is going on sirens. I'm like Shackelford up kaylynn brisa scrubbing in Joe Rogan W with Marc Maron Seattle. We need to get better podcasting so we can get some nominations nations for next year. That's going to be I mean. We're underground this. Is I secret people right. It's true though that's the reality is the only people that know about us are the same people with the high cues that are frigging looking for that little caesars large hot and ready extra most best pizza with extra cheese and the most pepperoni all at the nation's best price just got way cheesier and if you're thinking that we've stuff the grass oh boy did we we staff. There's three feet of cheese in that crust before cooking aw the extra most best is stuffed crust pepperoni pizza for only nine dollars now. There's even more to love love about little CAESARS. Come on in and pick up the extra most best is stuffed crust pepperoni pizza today or order on their APP only nine dollars and only at participating little caesars locations plus tax where where applicable claim of extra cheese and most pepperoni all at the nation's best price is based on comparison of the fallen pizzas for the top four national pizza to change little caesars extra must best is pizza and the other three pizza chains large round standard menu one topping pepperoni. Lebron pizza sold at everyday menu braces so yeah that's why genius Genius Diet. That's why gunners such a genius he loves little CAESAR'S PIZZA. So goners new thing is getting scared. If you make a bear growling sound at him he screams and laughs and runs saw. Oh of course I had to take extreme and jump out and stomp on the ground like a bear and I pretty much broke the bottom my foot. I couldn't put weight on the bottom. What does that pad. I guess the bottom of your heel. I could not wait for four days because I they put a hole in the floor trying to be scary there so he of this game. I started this game. I was running around. He was laughing so hard as doing for Harris is a popping out of a right now. I'm allowed to play the game. Every time I do. Helix goes no no no so I just go but it's like and and now he only wants Spencer to do. I'm like what the Heck I started this game. Why can't I do this game. I don't think he likes you to be scary very well. He did that one night and I started the game. Mainly it was too much. Oh my gosh secret for its by yeah so tomorrow. WE'RE GOING TO DENVER JIM. Show and we are going to start. Sourcing are crystal material for our new home goods we are going to really take not just homegoods. I like that because is also office in I just I learned how to other sites. wearable crystals uh-huh so we're going to really see what's out there and get some great stuff. Governor has the best is the malachite elephant. He picked out out in the west coast. Gem shows one of my favorite things we've ever bought so. I can't wait to see what governor picks out for us. Yeah it's going to be so fun and then we have dinner tomorrow night with my dad and my step sister. It's her birthday on the ninth or it was so we're gonNA celebrate our dinners and yeah my sister's coming and my brother and everyone's really excited to see everybody and then we fly out Sunday morning so it's a quick stop but actually is really great. We stopped Denver before crested butte because gunners doctor when I was asking about altitude sickness because last time I don't know those are the two sickness or sickness. He had like the fever for days all in a user everything so anyways. She said it's better to stop at a mid ground out the TUDE which is Denver because it is is the mile high city so good that we stopped here and he can like acclamated a little bit more and then in two days go to an even higher altitude. This actually ended up being perfect for him and I've decided we've decided that we are going to spend Christmas here to really really excited. What about that especially because we'll be filming. I'll be nice to have a little bit of a break and go to the mountains. Go home to my home where you you get out of the city. What was his perfect way. Also Spencer told me Kim and Garnier bought a aflame fifty million dollar house in Montana. I don't know why Kim doesn't move there would move there immediately at so interesting to me that people can be so rich but you you know she must love this city and also her family's there so she must love being around her family and knows Kris. Jenner is not moving to Wyoming assuming yeah and I'm sure she's probably with Chris like more than all her kids. Iota Buckley probably like her and then I right. I guess there was a clip heading to watch but I read it. I love it. I mean you get the exact quote. We need to start watching the Kardashians again. I love vet showy just haven't had time and always fighting lipid handed Gosh but also I've been loving the bachelor in paradise. That show is so so good. Where's the quoted e. News take it down. Maybe it was courtney asked them take a dollar but they did. I wonder why they take down when show on us. We may be here. It is on US weekly. She says Kim mm-hmm says Kim says Courtney you F ing fake humanitarian. Ho I I actually do s-h-i-t for the world and you F ing fake it all day long ooh because you know courtney's is China's shade coordinating. You should be kissing Kim's fee herash. I should be kissing Kim's because without chem. None would be where they are. It's so like yeah maybe they'd be successful and other things but they weren't and the dash dolls that are that store dash was doing okay but it wasn't like this thriving place that was making them all so rich so you know they all have put in their work for the show and it wouldn't be what it is without them and they all completely contributed absolutely but the kickstarter was definitely. Kim To get the interest for the show and with Chris and everything but I mean they've all been in their work. They're the most real raw people on ATV. I think about like yeah. That's very interesting well. I'm going to have to go to bed here. I'm really tired and we have a big day tomorrow tomorrow. We bring my laptop in here so I can send this away to I tunes and not everyone can see how handsome handsome you bless your angel heart so please give us those fight for kids stars. Click on start at the I don't give us one and yeah tele friend you know we got to be nominated for these frigging wars as we gotta turn into like podcasts were approaching the hundred episodes which is doesn't sound like a lot but it is Thank you Steve Thinking podcast. What thank you to our listeners way. Lobby in every car comes with its share of stories that digging your bumper. When you pick up your first day we drove to Colorado auto that. Was Oh my gosh one of the best memories ever win. I drove away with the gas tank and a guard. I was really funny. How do you try to blame it on. The weird weird one of the things I put in it that luxury repackage that you get after a big promotion. Which is what we daily definitely upgraded at or the mileage you save by Riding Your bike? All summer haven't tried that one yet but when we moved to Colorado for the summer I will try that. You can't put a price on your stories but with truecar you can find out what your car is worth. When it's time to sell or trade in go to truecar and to your license plate number and watch your car's details pop-up answer a few questions navigation and moon roof watches they bump up your value high mileage nine hundred budget ahead at a time once you've finished you'll get true cash offer sent in minutes which you can take to a local certified dealer to cash out or trade in so so when you're ready to experience a better way to sell or trade in your car check out truecar today true cash offer not available in all areas farmers insurance knows the difference difference between a car hitting your bumper and a clown car hitting your out that because we covered it click for more offers farmers insurance exchange center affiliates products not available in every state.

Spencer US DENVER MHM brody Heidi New York Gunnar Montana apple Jenner Kim mm-hmm Josie Josie Shrek Chris Mirai Colorado Caitlin Nigeria Garner
Episode 629: You Never Know Who People Know #2

The Official BNI Podcast

10:48 min | 1 year ago

Episode 629: You Never Know Who People Know #2

"With being a founder and chief visionary officer Dr Ivan Meisner stay to for networking and referral marketing tips from the man who's been called the father of Episode Number Six hundred twenty nine you never know who people know number two you're listening to the official VNI podcast it and the third time he walked by his wife at honey what's going on and he said I got a graphic designer did is just not doing the job and I need a graphic designer and I need them right now because I'm going to fire this guy tomorrow and the nine-member because medics consult twenty five years ago thirty years ago the largest referral in Bni came from cosmetics consultant MHM cosmetics consultant well she had for many years the largest referral given to somebody and it's a great story about how you just don't know who people know so she was doing a facial on day. La At a beautiful home beautiful hello everybody and welcome back to the official BNI podcast I'm priscilla rice and I'm coming to you from live oak recording studio in Berkeley California and I am just getting back from Boston where I did a quick business trip not related to be an eye but I'm I'm back from Boston today right no who people know right that's the theme for this podcast today's well and it's a story that I've been telling many many years but just have never put it on a podcast and so I thought it'd be great to share it here today the largest management consultant walked up to her and she did gift baskets and he basically just ignored her he said Oh you do give baskets there's nothing I can do with you and said Gee I know a great 'cause I know a great graphic designer he does really really good work he's done some work for me some work for my friends. I can I'm joined on the phone today by the founder and achieve visionary officer be an eye doctor Ivan Meisner Alot Ivan how are you today and where are you just a manufacturing company in the city and he was looking for manufacturers but he's soon because she was she did gift baskets that she couldn't help him you just never job was all the graphic design work for a new movie that was going to be released in just a few months Saami speak in Poland and he knows a little bit of a little bit about this story and he wanted to hear the details of it so for many years about really almost so this is a topic that done before you never know who people know this is number two the original was episode two Oh six I the business and it came for come from a cosmetics consultant during a facial now from the card that she got from him she exchanged cards she got his card and gave him the graphic designers she couldn't really tell what he did they comes to me by the way from a question sent to me by Marx. Marta s from Latvia he emailed me because he's he's and a graphic designer did such a great job on that movie he got the Knicks movie as well ended up being hundreds of thousands of dollars worth yeah and and he called the graphic designer and the being a chapter and he met with him and he hired him handed him his card and said I'm going to see him tomorrow's matter of fact what you'd like me to have him call you and the husband said yes please I'm going to fire this guy it just said CEO and the name of the company and it turned out priscilla movie producer wow home and away and she's doing a facial with this woman and the woman's husband walked by the two of them not paying much attention I mean he was grumbling over recommend that you go back after you're listening to this podcast and listen to two zero six two great story about being remember where someone came up to her who is a project he does. I don't know what the project is but I can tell you he's highly motivated because he's firing your competition today urged a column first thing this morning and he called context one this cosmetics consultant a well known cosmetics company and I've had people say to me why are we letting they recommend him and the guy said awesome to have his phone number she said I have his card right here and of course she pulled out Carlisle Russian this profession doesn't they don't hang out with the people that I need right you never know who those people know so I think that's what I think is so cool about that is that I have people all the time who say to me why why are we accepting this and because he was in that business she knew other people in related manufacturing businesses and he just assumed because she did gift baskets she wouldn't have the right kinds of was a massive referral and came from somebody who is good at what she did and that's the key is that we need to find members that are that company in this is not you know the level of profession that we want in our in our group and I tell them the story it can podcast to a six the woman in that her dad was the target market for the Guy Looking for a manufacturer tomorrow so it'll be looking tomorrow so she went to her meeting the Knicks Day and she gave the referral and she said look I really I don't know I don't Ivan there's one thing that I worry about sometimes and it doesn't have to do with the type of work that they do but sometimes I worry about being able to find would it what they do whatever that is because you never know who those people know accents yeah it totally does and walked away very rudely there's nothing you can do for me away and she was like that's very interesting because her father ran the Lord referrals for that particular person in that job yes well you know when people have that concern that's generally a good thing because they're they're thinking to start you teach members of your chapter that when they hear someone say I'm thinking about doing a podcast and I'm not quite sure where to start the blank on on that as it relates to your business so for you priscilla certainly if someone says I I wanted to a podcast but I don't know they can say I know the perfect person for that I I know she's been doing a podcast for more than a decade with somebody and she does a lot of other recording so it would yes the language of referrals and what you WanNa do you WanNa teach people the language of referrals so that when people say I can't I need I want I don't know then you would fill in about their considering it it's it's you know the people who say you know I'm just not going to give them up person referral they're not high quality enough but when people say Asia what she she did pay attention and the person did say I'm going to fire by graphic designer tomorrow and that was the flag I don't know how to give that person referral that's when it's really important to sit down and do a one to one with them to figure out what to listen for and I know we've done a podcast I don't know the number But the topic was Ernie Grunfeld walk by and a few minutes later he grumbled again he had a sheet of paper in his hand and he was like para bad word bad word Bedwar again she wanted to teach people the language of referral you meet someone that you don't know if you can refer them sit down with them and ask them what to listen for that's great and then as you're at www Ivan's inner circle dot Com Ivan has assembled a wide array of topics and you're invited to participate thank you so much out there listen for that in this case it was a woman where the husband just walked by and she I think she may not have even been paying tastic story and it's a great add on to this topic thanks Priscilla okay great this podcast has a new sponsor go check out the great content available waitress would use used to wait on him all the time and she ended up being his strongest and best refer because tell you about that was told to me by Brian Vini years ago that kind of works with with the same topic about never knowing who people know listening this is Priscilla Rice and we look forward to having you join us again next week for another exciting episode of the official be an ipod guests and so it won't listen for or the language of referrals or opportunities that come and you never know who you can refer. I've referred some really unusual professions uh-huh I've seen some amazing professions like their commercial lightbulbs salesmen and the the sh a pet shipper had a pet shipper internetworking along with suggestions and insights into getting the most from your membership in the world's largest networking organization. BNI or know who people know both these stories episode to us six in this episode are great examples of that Priscilla Well Ivan I have a story that I'd like to Brian Feeney please share it he was talking about when he was doing real estate and he would go to this diner and the that story up but that's such a great example a waitress at a diner rest refer I think that's it pets professionally just some very unusual professions and be an I'd have done well right so Just remember you never she knew everybody great example first of all love. Brian Feeney love what he does He. He referred people to be an ICE. I'm always happy to talk about Brian. I'm glad you brought.

consultant Brian Feeney priscilla rice Dr Ivan Meisner official founder Boston officer MHM Ivan Meisner California Berkeley Knicks Latvia Gee Poland Saami Marx CEO
Girl friendships: bullies, best friends and true friends

Raising Good Humans

34:53 min | 1 year ago

Girl friendships: bullies, best friends and true friends

"The following podcast is a deer media production. Welcome to raising good humans. I'm Dr Liza pressman and today we have of my childhood friend and Best Selling Author Rachel Simmons and we're talking about the friendships particularly cultivating healthy friendships with girls and don't forget to stick around for the show notes. OCCA- where here with Rachel Simmons had highly so today we're talking girlfriends funds bully proofing. What if your kid is a bully you talk funny. You say that I've been kind of wondering how can you tell if your kid is a bully talk about that tonight. Yeah we can we can talk about it really now though because yeah a lot of people are concerned about arming their kids with tools to recognize good friends and to cultivate healthy relationships but there's the other thing which is the the secret of. Oh my God what if my kid is the kid that's it's being the jerk three and also started on trumped allowed. I was GONNA say. Girls are expert at first of all denying it when they busted like championship. I mean do you remember that. Actually you and I are probably really good at ourselves. Let's remind let's remind your listeners owners that Eliza and I go way back to kindergarten. EXAC- case just in case listeners have forgotten so Eliza by being socially intelligent creatures that we were were and are I'm GonNa Guess Excelled at alluding teachers when they were trying to get us in trouble for something. I don't think I ever gotten except for that. One time MHM seventh grade you guys. She's the kind of person you probably really did never get in trouble whereas for me to make sure that nobody feels uncomfortable on the on listening I always under a growth in self control got a minus sign and was constantly getting kicked out of class for talking to my neighbor so lest anyone feel judged by the presence of the two fabulous people who are in trouble. It's really just one just it's just fine but truthfully in all seriousness when girls get in trouble because of that pressure they are under to be seen as the good girl their their instinct and this is not because they're terrible people or seek to be deceptive but because of the cultural messages they get their instinct is to say I didn't do that. I don't know what you're talking about and that can have a number of implications one. You know girls will often say to me in some of the nastiest girls in the class in the presence of an adult act like the much charming people and so that makes it really hard to get those kids in trouble for girls save me like I tried to tell the teacher that someone was being unkind to me and the teacher said really her so some of these girls are masterful. Yes suiting Lutherans research. One of the one of her findings was that when she looked at popular girls versus well liked girls. What was extraordinary ordinary is the popular kids who were mean were among the most favored by the teachers as being the most wonderful kids yeah ab absolutely the other thing? I think that becomes problematic when you have a kind of peer culture where girls are constantly. I'm denying nine. Their behavior is something that so many girls go through where let's say. Let's say you elise are being mean to me. We're friends and I come up to you and I say Eliza I need you to stop treating me this way. I need you that I need you to like. Be Nice to me and by the way you know I just worked up the courage to say this to you. Easy Day and what you say to me is I'm not being mean to you Rachel. I Dunno striking about link. I'm being fine. You're being too sensitive and it messes with the girls heads because because I know by being sensitive amateur sensitive. It's like a gas lighting yeah so again. This isn't happening because girls are evil right and I think we want to be really careful not to capitulate to any of those mean girls. Stereotypes and girls are caddy. Girls are this and that this happens because girls are under so much pressure to be the good girl to be nice all the time and they feel like they cannot be authentic about their real feelings so if girl ooh interesting sound this post cold boys a girl is feeling and like someone's being her and she is encouraged to disclose that and she gets told she's being too sensitive now. What if your daughter comes to you and says I told her she was being mean. I went to Liza. I said please stop doing this. Italy's denied united always believe your daughter like believe your daughter over anything else now. There might be some exceptions to this if you're really really sure that your daughter tends wants to be overreactive or dramatic even to use more slang word than you may understandably want to redirect them but if you really not sure. I want you to remember what I'm telling you. which is that this gas lighting thing does happen? It's important that you remind your daughter that what she knows to be true is true in other words. If if you question your own daughter than all you're doing is helping with the bully has already started which is to get your daughter to question her own version of events events and I really think that's how we lose confidence right leg tour like if I know exactly what is true like if I know at least no matter what you say to me. I know you're being mean to me and I'm going to deal with that. I'm in a much stronger position in terms of my confidence in terms of what I'm GonNa do then if I'm like I don't know is being mean to me. I mean my mom said that. Maybe she wasn't my mom said Navy. It was my fault. They beyond which is a very tough thing to say you know so. What did you do yeah exactly so so this is I think what I would call one of my lake best pr tips for parents. If your child comes home and says that the other kid denied it do not go the other kid like side with your trial and what about if your kid comes home regularly talking about different kids being mean such that you're questioning whether or not there might be a little bit of your child could be the aggressor to or maybe they're misjudging being or maybe they don't understand how people perceive them. Let's say they hear all the time from others that they did. Something wrong are are you. How can you support your child and side with them in the sense that you were there for them. No matter what but also listen for clues clues that maybe they need some help interpreting what's going on in their social dynamics yet. It's a great question so let's back up a little bit and say that as a parent you are going to best serve your child not just socially but in every way if you can be open to the fact that your kid may be less than perfect perfect at times at times may contribute to social dynamics I say this because it is the parents who are the most defensive eh about their children who react to any feedback about their kid with anger or denial or anything that pushes someone away that typically you know have the kids who need the most help and so the I think one of the most important things you can actually do for your kid to help them become a better human being and is be willing to admit when they're not the best you would say and right and so and what does that so then let step into that question a little bit that means that you're you are the kind of parent who you're looking at your kid. You're not really sure what role she's playing. You kind of think. Maybe she might be misinterpreting so that allows you then to to reach out to her. Her teacher were to reach out to a coach if it's on the sports team or or other kind of extracurricular activity and say wondering if we can get together and you can partner with on something so you're not saying. Is this happening or going on but you're saying. Can you help fill in some of the blanks because I know what I hear but I know it's is not the whole story. I'll tell you something another tip for you out there like if you say to anybody at your school administrator or teacher whoever I know I don't know the whole story. They will kiss this. Your feet told somebody who works with so many school administrators clinicians and teachers in there like Oh my God with the parents who cannot understand the third children actually participate in this. Many people come in by child is a victim yeah yeah always. It's like first of all you know. I don't know I didn't get into I don't think we get into the parenting business to have perfect children and if you did man you gotTa. Yes like actually and maybe this is a little pollyannaish of me but I really really believe that. One of the great gifts of parenting is that we get to help our kids be better people and that means we have to be like willing to bear witness to you and help them through the Times where they fall short but like Datsun amazing opportunity and it's one that we miss if we're too invested in seeing them always as the target never realizing that they actually may have contributed. Let me say one more thing about this. If you think about a conflict any kind of conflict you've ever been in almost almost always both sides have contributed to it. It's like it's very rare. This is almost a basic foundation of negotiation in conflict resolution like it's very rarely you are completely innocent in a conflict we have an. I am completely wrong no offence but it's more likely like you did this I did that I said this and you reacted acted that way so like parents can also look at it just from a standpoint of what is authentic conflict like it's very rarely going to be like a one person's completely to blame in the other one is see now innocent so let's go back years and years. I want it sort of walk through. Little girls and let's grow together today. Through the beginning of what relationships and healthy friendships look like the moments where you see things in attractions where you might WanNa intervene need when they're four years old five years old as people start to notice their children having little those kind of as people often often say. I have a lot of clients who say I didn't know these kinds of bullies happened in preschool or kindergarten and I think part of that is let's define what bullying so everybody really understands and part of it is it's the first especially when you know when you're seeing the everyday my new show the INS and outs of interpersonal relationships dream small people and how they're navigating that you're because these are things that are quite shocking. That's for sure we'll get. Let's start with bullying about it is and what it isn't to bullying is defined defined as a persistent or consistent active aggression that again is is not one time right. It's the one thing that happens but it is occurring over time often almost like a campaign. Some people have used that word of of aggression so it is occurring over days over weeks weeks and it occurs usually between someone who has more power the perpetrator then the target and so in other words what what what does it look like with little kids while it might look like a girl who is particularly articulate. I get very socially intelligent. Four year old who kind of understands sounds a little bit about who's friends with WHO and seems to really know how to talk how to connect and how to play. Maybe sooner than some of the other kids she starts transitioning from parallel parallel play a little bit earlier and then it might be the other child who's the target who simply just developmentally maybe a little bit behind and maybe isn't quite as dialed then to the dynamics and that kid is now going to be the persistent target of the other girls may be the other girls excluding her or saying she stupid or a baby calling in her knees. you know refusing to to share the swing with her on the playground day after day. That is bullying if a child comes on the other hand to school school one day and is denied a seat on the swing that doesn't mean she's being bullied. I mean she's the target of aggression like crappy behavior It's very important to parents that parents. It's not over used that word because it's a great way to get schools to stop paying attention to you school. Here parents overuse the word bullying. They're like oh great. It's like a wack job parent you. You really want to reserve your wack job cards for like very specific times. When you really are losing it and I mean like we all by which I mean like. All of us have wack job in US because we're hearing so that you don't WanNa bring your mama bear crazy out for no reason man. Bull Lake so if you're using the word bully to describe a single incident that happened. You're definitely not mama bear thing NOCCO. Take you very far in school so your child comes and discloses to you a few those moments the first time something like that happens. Let's talk about the language you can use with younger kids to explain what happened crappy behavior whether or or not you know they have to understand. Not Everybody's going to be a good friend every day and you're probably not going to be a good friend every day and how we can weave that in to help in the younger kids understand those social dynamics. That's great I mean I I like what you're saying. It kind of almost want to kick it to you in a second and get more words no and you should know your listeners that Eliza has excellent words to which is of course why she hosts this podcast but I don't think I'm the only one who has a response here. I'm going to start off by saying that no matter how childers when they're the target the most important thing you do is to empathize with you hold them for a moment and you say you acknowledge the feeling you name the feeling you say you know if I were you I would be so sad or I would feel oh really scared or I would feel so hurt that that person treated me that way and you just take a moment to sit with the feeling before you take any repaired of Action Right. Dot Validating your child's feeling is part of how they come to recognize their own feelings. That's very very important step to take I. I think the next thing that I typically do is I might say something like well. What do you think you could do about it creates right right. What do you think you ask verses purses telling that it's never too early for you as a parent to get into the habit of reminding your child that they actually have more choices they realized like of you can come in anytime with the solution but actually our job as parents is to raise kids that can start to think about what their choices says aren't as opposed to just be the recipient of what we think choices are. That's right a super power even with four year olds and five year olds to feel even with three year olds not can do this. It's just this social damage probably takes a bit longer to cook but to go in with every coversation with the intention of hearing your children children at really helping them figure out what those choices are that they have at the last thing we need to do and of course due to it less and less over the years is give them the solution hundred percent also. WanNa remind parents how important it is to keep your face pretty chill l. like super reactive right because I always used this example. It's you know when your kid is learning to walk and they tumble over. The first thing they do is look at us. That's right in a one hour when they look at is this okay socially friend said thank you yeah and then there was a term for that. Dr As long with the terms anyway so yes social referencing. That's what it's called and if you look hysterical because apparent when your kid face based plans they go bananas right. It's like forget it. They're done but if you don't really we're making really fun right now that you can't see exactly yeah so then if you keep it on your like your okay like let me help you up and you can keep going. They keep on trucking so I believe that kids are constantly silly referencing our faces for how old and however long they are on this earth and in this instance they're looking at you to say. Is it okay that somebody was mean today. You're not saying it's okay but you're also not saying. This is the end of the world that your child is in danger that Oh my God she'll never have friends. She's going to be the victim her whole life and I I use those hyperbolic kinds of those kinds of reactions. We tell ourselves those stories hundred percent like Oh my God. She's going to use that girl out. Totally she's back. I totally and she's away to head above called odd girl out. Please please visit any bookstore near you by girl out now but seriously newly updated dated but I do think that it you know anyway. There's something else that he said with regard to this that I think is worth mentioning edged which is when a kid falls on their face and or anything happens when they're super little they look at you you you don't. WanNa give those extreme reactions of your fine and let's pretend that it didn't happen or you know. That sound was horrifying defying either but neither will take you very far. Those things won't take you very far because in on the one hand you're saying how you feel doesn't exist and on on the other hand you're saying like any of those feelings is the end of the world and the other thing that happens especially when kids start to come home and talk talk about their day and talk about what happened with a friend. Is that those that game face that you need is also because if you start reacting Jiang in these big ways to your children's distress they immediately learn a mom or whomever is not the person that I've made it. Tell this story to again. Be there just like she can't handle it yeah. They're like they're like my mom's crazy. No Way and also are too emotional or to invest in my mom is essentially making you take care of her wits right and so we're burdening were essentially transferring the burden back to our children by having that kind and of reaction and they won't see Notch No. It's just a subconscious thing that grows over the years if it continues to it's a great opportunity for us to go. I'm avenue practice just listening without freaking out or reading into every experience that my child describes rather it just be present to listen and really pay attention and then you won't be burdened with all the cockamamie stuff. That's going on in your head about what might happen because we all get that way an and I I do think though you know if it helps when you do feel your mind running away or getting hijacked by your own fear for your child just trying to ask yourself this say to yourself if I knew that everything was going to be okay if I could flash forward to a year from now or a month from now what what would I say as a parent if I knew that it was going to be fine and that's the place that you want not the like. What is the worst thing that could happen. Actually what's the best thing that could happen it. It is so easy to impose our own shame and our own haunted memories of whatever we've gone through particularly if your mom because so many of us have real scars from other girls from growing up. It's so easy to do that and it's critical to remember. Your kid is different than you. You're probably going to be much more attuned into this than anyone was for you. Because of what you've gone through and the reality is your kids. Experience is not that different from anyone else's so there's not going to be some unique nick wound that is about to befall your child that will irreparably make them like antisocial or incapable of connection like what your kid is going through and this is not to trivialize it but it is to put it into context is a developmental and a right of passage a doesn't mean you ignore it but it is part of what kids go through so now all as they get in school and they start to really have the kinds of relationships where they're calling out best friends. Let's specifically typically addressed the best friends because girls at boys but today we're focusing on girls can get get very excited about who their best friend is. What this friendship is based on when they're really young is not necessarily clear to us but it's whatever is going on in those relationships sometimes they just sort of glomming onto the idea like this is my best friend it can become passionate and they're young so oh kindergarteners first graders second graders and certainly by third grade. There's almost a pressure to find your people and find your best friend so what's a good way to think about that. Talk about that so one of the things that we do at Girls Leadership which is the nonprofit that I co-founded as we. We have a whole curriculum on what is the best friend versus. What is a true friend there you go and do that because very often and it's Kinda striking to me how articulate particular elementary school aged girls can be about this. There's a real difference between what a true friend is and what a best friend is for example girls will sometimes say that a best friend may sometimes try to control you like they don't like it when you play with anyone else and they get really mad. If you try to eat lunch or have recess or just just have a conversation with or go sleep over at someone else's house and that is actually a really unhealthy aspect of being a best friend but that a true friend or real friend and would understand that it's okay to have lots of other fronts and so there's an aspect or a darker side to the best friend structure in elementary school where there's a lot of control. There's a lot of actual implicit or actual actually stated threats like if you do this go play with someone else. If you play or hang out or whatever with someone else I'm not going to be your best friend anymore. That can make best friendship actually like both as you said really passionate but also kind of treacherous so what what can we do with our girls when they are finding themselves feeling guilty hang out with someone else or being interested in hanging out with someone else or when they get that comment. That's your you know another thing that can happen especially because we talk so much now schools with social emotional learning about bullying. Is that kids overuse it. They'll say like you. You're bullying me right now. Because you wanna play with someone else right so I think it's very important to just talk about kind of basic rules of relationship with our girls but everyone actually like I think part of what's happening is that girls feel this great intensity towards their friends but they don't necessarily have the ground rules for what's Okay and what's not and it's really falls to us as the adults in their life if to say like actually part of being a good friend is allowing your friends to play with other people like being a good friend doesn't mean or a best friend doesn't mean that you have exclusive exclusive access to them. Another as part of the good friend means that just because someone is mad at someone else you don't get involved in that fight. You leave people to have have their own fight. When we don't make those kinds of expectations explicit two girls they allow their peers to teach them through sort of the law of the jungle and that's where yeah I think things go awry so what I'm saying is and I will add to this in just a second. We have to give girls basic kind of decency behaviors. There's in friendship and don't assume that they that they know what to do. I forgot what all's going to say about that. I was going to say about it while also while you're a ED my brain left young we do that as parents when they watch. US interact with our friends so it's also very important not to get caught in the adult drama of Gossiping or talking about your two other friends who are having this argument winter bedding in or whatever so I think there's a lot about modeling in your own behavior with your girlfriends or when you're walking into school and bumping into other parents hundred percent could not agree more and I was also going to say another thing you can do with your daughter is just talk to her about what a good friend is to you. Like what what is a good friend. Look like an act like not really look like what is a good friend athletics gorgeous. She's incredibly hot yeah you. Should it definitely ask your daughter's wooded from like all right so let's back that up. So what is it good friend act like like what is it not so good friend act like and another way of pudding this is like what do you hope that your friends will do for you and and what do you. What do you believe that you should also do for your friends. And then what do you think is he's like not okay and I really urge parents to talk about this in terms of your own friendships for example. I had a friend divorce with another mom. Oh you know what a friend of forces me I came in for so I had a friend of yours and PSI always use that language with girls than they love it so please deal that news it but I had a friend of this woman whose children were really close with my cat and it was stressful as the first friend divorce I had someone where we're the fallout has affected my own child but actually it ended up being kind of a mixed blessing because it allowed me to teach my child about about my own standards for friendship so I could say using the example of someone she now. Here's here's why this friendship couldn't work for me because I didn't feel feel like I was being treated. Well and here's what's important in a friendship and man. Let me tell you she was pretty wrapped like the thing about kids. They love hearing our own right. They love hearing like when we get done I mean obviously not the big ones like by their other parent for example but like they certainly happy just be really clear their the boundaries are important but like they really what I'm trying to say as they can be particularly kind of taken with the stories of our own missteps or higher. Yes yes and if you don't have them currently bringing up your experiences that you remember remember anything but I remember nothing. Yeah you do remember a few things come. I mean you know I just think I just think it's like great. Tease yourself in example as an example. I also think that when you do that you're kind of telling your kid will look. I'm not perfect either. That's right and the biggest gift you can give them to acknowledge out of the gate. You're not perfect in order to get them to be sure they'll talk to you about it. I mean like you don't like I don't want to go talk to my problems. I'm sorry wait. Let me try that again. I don't want to go. Oh Talk to anybody about my problems. If I think they have no problems for sure like I remember meeting this one author once and like not sure if I was gonNA connect with them or whatever it kind of interested in being like. Oh Man isn't book writing so hard. Isn't it like really rough and the author was like no I love it. It's like amazing and I was like we can never be friends like like I know that makes me kind of addict but like I needed to fellow author to be vulnerable and be like actually like sometimes I get really lonely deal terribly about myself as a writer and is that fair no but I'm also like I'm not inclined to be super connected or intimate intimate authentic with somebody when they say Mike. They're totally fine never ever have any problem. You're also probably not inclined to share your problems with the friend who tells you things things could be worse. Oh yeah no who minimizes my feeling. That's another way let's never never say again. I'm sorry you feel that way my dad yes. I think let's can everybody agree to that. extinguish snap forever yeah if we are making value judgements on how sensitive sensitive our kids are which goes back to the idea of being on their side when they select they felt hurt whether or not they did any hurting or what their part heart was in that the fact of the matter is that is in fact how they feel that's a lot of the word fact so if that's how how they feel and we minimize it or gas late in our own way or just also have perpetuating the cycle of driving reading girls' insane. Yeah I think to agree with that and I I really encourage parents to consider like what family how did did you grow up like in other words in your family of origin. How did people relate to your own feelings in order to be really connected with our children's feelings. We have to look at I will. How do people relate to our feelings because those two are intricately linked? If I grew up in a house where when I was upset people said it's not so bad or maybe you're making too big a deal on this. I'm much more likely to do the same thing to my child to replicate some of that that pattern so if you want to to be kind of maximally empathic with your own child do the work of thinking about reflecting on did people minimize my feelings and do I think that that's normal when in fact actually probably made you feel quite small and that your feelings didn't matter and taking it another step further also making king sure you're not telling your story of Your Childhood and Your Interactions Every time your child has an experience. They definitely not a winning move. That knows like totally. It's like when I tell parents of teenagers. Can you please stop comparing her high school. Experience experienced They're having a really different one. Thank you bye. Never say anything again about you. When you were in high school. It is now comes from this place. I'm trying to connect but it is a very quick way to disconnect. Let me go back to this for a second his so much with the best friends and the you're not giving kids the tools to use the language to let someone know they don't like something or that. They are going to play with someone else else and they also love them. What happens when that's just not part of the culture. NATO the kids talk. That's not what I'm going to be able to say. This is not what my group says is what we alison that they would say that couple of things I mean I I encountered this all the time Joyo work with girls right and I think it's a couple of things one is. I really encourage parents to try to role play with their daughters to allow them to practice. If not saying saying it exactly how you would say saying it on vacant say it I mean because role play is and I think you have to emphasize to your kids like practice is what we all all need in order to get better so if they're like Oh. This is so lame like you can say hey. I have to practice stuff before I say it like. I have to try something a couple of times before I feel comfortable onto with it and put it in my own words like so really encourage them to do the work of of playing around with it before they go off and try it in person person and I think that's one way to get them to feel like they own the language themselves but if they're really in transit about it and they're like no nobody nobody talks acts like this. I think you say then listen like you our desire to be treated well even if your group doesn't do that right now. I want you to have the kind of friends who who can talk to you about those things and maybe you don't have those friends now but it's really important to me that you have them someday and if and if you know there are other friends you you can try to connect with in other activities like that's what you should be wanting an aspiring towards and just because they don't talk that way doesn't mean there's anything wrong with that. I hear that not all the time from girls like you know that they feel a little bit like that what they want and and the kinds of conversations they wanna have they just can't have again. It doesn't mean take wrong with those. Conversations probably means you need different frats. Ray Ray and starting to just pay attention to what kind of friends are red red flag friends and what kind of friends you can move towards over the years and maybe today they're not going to get the courage to say something Dr Phil Comfortable but it will be part of what they understand is overtime what to look for hunters like Ari. It's sort of like you know when we take a job that we we don't like like this job. I can't believe I like wasted all this time in this job yet but actually that time that you sunk into a job that you ended up. Not Liking is just as valuable as the time that you did. Take a job that you love. That's such a great point like we you so you. You don't know what you don't know finding out what it feels like to have crappy friends helps you out and helps you figure out what you do want. I'd like to Coo- too many eminent ah to quit the eminent Kelly Clarkson here said face to you. I know exactly what I want a housing insurer right remember that song. That is an eminent lyric anyway the point. Is it Citibank. I can't breathe by the time anyway. We'll carry that someday. My point is that that is exactly how you figure out what you do. You want all right thanks to you. I know exactly what I want for more information about the nonprofit that Rachel co-founded. It's squirrels leadership dot org and it's an amazing program that equips girls with skills to exercise the power of their voices. Thank you for listening and don't forget to subscribe rate and review.

Times Rachel Simmons Eliza US MHM Dr Liza pressman EXAC Datsun Bull Lake Italy Navy partner administrator Kelly Clarkson childers Citibank Ray Ray Jiang Coo nick
Youtuber and a "Reality Star"

The Dish With Trish

59:33 min | 1 year ago

Youtuber and a "Reality Star"

"Take them back to the dishes. co-host seem Jordan. He's here permanently now. I should be the dish rush dish dishes. Someone who's like good-looking Louis dish. Yeah that's like someone you want to eat Trish. I love that okay dish. The dish has his he. We came in and he wasn't supposed to be here today to be gone. And the lovely people here. podcast one are like wait. Why is Jordan here and I was like? He's like yeah. Came back for this. I'm like wow. He's like no. He came back to be on his reality show. He came. I actually came back specifically to be on this podcast. I heard that you were going to be Solo. Hello there was no guests. Planned flew from New York last night. So I could be here for this ally. You went literally wearing a sweater. That says Reality Star on it. We're all reality as we get it. You're actually do love that. I Love I love the merge. I'M NOT GONNA lie. It's Tana's merge get joy oh it's already out black black Friday. No there's another one going black Friday. Okay get android dot co slash and backslash. Fuck fans away. They don't WanNa work with me. Because I meet enemies with David Mhm true story. We have to bring them up once once in this podcast. And there's your one time actually before we get into that I have to give. Oh this is the passport. I'm giving my ex-boyfriend passport to actually. Yeah actually I do have is is a his holy Shit. It's not. Here's donald checked. Did you look at the picture before like have you looked. Yeah well yeah the stickers out on the back of says paint US Nash. Tahiti I Not This I wanNA make sure because I'm assuming they saw the podcast which is probably why his manager reached out to you because I think so think about how good that is that means that not only. Is this podcast working but people into it so much that we're actually getting business done this podcast can i. I didn't ask you is because I wanted to ask you. What was the exact tax from it so this is really nice? It was really nice and you can read it. Yeah if he's watching this. I mean I hope. I hope this is an invasion. Oh is there is no no. I hope it's not me. It's very nice. He said hey driven. It's Jack Jack what's up said. Oh good man mentioned you could help us get the passport back we might. It would be great if we honestly honestly I wasn't gonna read the exact words so I kind of started fumbling around because there was an Emoji. Don't want to explain the motion motion this that we can send someone back if it's easiest but I just said no no worries Areso grabbed. We can send someone back. There are some to grab it to get it back. I mean this is so complicated. It's like a management. Just know what supposed to work. Okay so what are you gonNA do drop. It has managers. I'm going to think I don't know. Yeah I'll text him after this. I'll say where you probably go grab dinner tonight. It's so ridiculous. It's so ridiculous we I'm going to get off this guy. I found by the way like is this the last the last. This is the final yes yes of of things that you have each other's yeah I feel really good about it to be honest I told you I have a little story. We have someone we have so much talk about yet again. But I love story where I I was GONNA make this video because I've been getting DM's recently again about Jason. We won't go into specifics because I went to my therapist and he goes. You know what it's not your responsibility to take responsibility really for his actions. His actions will have consequences. They do if they do. If they don't so I was like because I posted a video edited I I was going to post it and then like part of me was like I'm doing really good or and that's getting anxiety about posting it because I was like I'm really good. I feel really good in life right now. Like I don't really want to involve a little bit but not so much directly and I was like you know just let things go up and trying to let things go. I feel like this. I feel there's consequences for someone's actions. It'll happen if it doesn't it doesn't i. Don't think it's my responsibility or my. I jog anymore to intervene or help bring to light. Unless it's like someone murdered someone or something. Maybe I don't know if you should say that because I feel like you might just change your mind you know we uh-huh on that I think ultimately you've been you've been growing a lot over the past year and I think moving moving to a place where it's just about you. I think that's where we it has to go. It's not about these other pieces. These these these things that are tied not you no longer have to but yes as you move on you grow grow wiser or older. I mean mean. There's still things that like Kim. Bother you about social media or other people that you can talk about. I don't that you have to subject yourself to not talk about drama. What it is? Find someone to talk about a two before for you shared on Youtube because I got it out on my sister I was in a really pissed mood and so I got it out of my system. I'm like you know what I feel better. I don't really need to think you shot me a text i. I was at friend's giving that you were thinking about uploading video and I was like you know I think it's maybe for right now. It's best if you screen shots of the messages I sent. Ah I sent did send them to Jason Too. Here's the thing you're going to get. You'RE GONNA get shit on like no doubt for talking about this Mike Periods. By the fact that you've already taught you don't have to go into my point is just saying his name is GonNa get you in trouble. Ari My point of that too was that maybe with the passing of the passport. This can we just let it just can be the finality. Yeah final finality is worded correctly. How I don't know Oh you know more than me too many days in my life? There's Jeff there's Jordan and there's change there's too many days and I get them all mixed. Oh there's no way you have the passport so you no longer need to say about Saddiq. Because I felt like weird having it. Because I'm like this is. This is a big piece of thing that you could. Yeah fraud identity theft. I don't know I just felt like I needed to get this away and I didn't macaire back room and I didn't know what to do. I was gonNA throw actually but then I felt weird about that so I was like because you can just get a new passport but anyways it doesn't matter if you guys demi about Jason like I apologize I don't I'll have connections with him I well. Let's get back to that real quick and just discuss through what happened so somebody sent you a DM on monster multiple DMZ instead about something that somebody had done. That wasn't you and they had sent to them. They were asking for your help. So I read those. DMZ and incomplete honesty. Like even even if that's true it's not a big could happen but it's not on you. And and by the way there are hundreds of thousands literally millions of people people who watch you per month and there are some children and there are some older people. I mean the point is you're going to get crazy messages no matter what and if you even read one of them into one one of them could lead down Robert Hall of creating video that you regret in a we. That's the thing and I told her that to us. I can't be your voice for multiple reasons. I if something didn't happen between with meat involving me I can't be the boys also I don't know the full story and also I mean talking for someone kind of gives loses their credibility because the people think of me as like for instance the gabbing bring that up but when I talked about it. Everyone's like Oh this could just be drama. It's trashy troll and whatever but when other people bring it up at. Don't talk about drama. It's a little more credible because because it's coming from someone who doesn't normally do that so I just bring it up. I looked like an obsessive ex girlfriend and it also didn't happen to me but I try not to response. I've gotten it's not just this. I've gotten so many. DM's about Jason and some maybe true. Maybe false I duNno. I believe everybody I'm this is your truth is the truth like say don't they. I don't and I believe nobody. I will say when it comes to females dealing with males usually believe a female. I don't know anyways but the point is like there's there's no reason to stay anyone's you know like if it's a liar true or whatever when when they send you so the point is there's there's nothing you can do about it. That's not the proper person to be reached out that simply it's just not appropriate for them to write that to so you're free to respond. I know well I do I. Sometimes I will respond and say like hey if you feel uncomfortable situation like let someone know or like block whatever is like again. There's something I can do. I always feel a little guilty. Just because they know him through me like but like is I tell people I'm like that's not the person I know so if that's happening I'm sorry I don't know again. It's nothing crazy. It's not like in nothing like illegal or anything. It's just like you know if what did you go the complete opposite way and just become a drama channel like from now on under the female team store. Kill me now if that happens to me like honestly it's not fun like even when I was going to upload it like even I meant it in good good spirits and like I was like. Hey what's up. Like I don't know if I mentioned a good way like it just doesn't feel good I don't know. Would you think about being a real journalist journalist like a real like social media journalists. Knew you could just follow take talkers. Everyone is popping off on Youtube right now. My heart acclimating right now just thinking thinking about that. You should try for week now. No you know why because here's the thing because people will try round me up every and I'm so too sensitive. I'm too sensitive to deal with like writing people because I would always be biased. I could never be unbiased. Yeah true tanner mentioned in her video. The other day she in Acuna she mentioned our our situation Jason and me and the threesome and she said do you watch I do watch remember. She said Oh I felt like Tricia was mad at me for no reason. Do you have any thoughts are responses on that. Well no I mean I say I. I think that I understand from her side. who was just you know? That just happened right. Her name got pulled into it. But she didn't do anything right here. On the blogs with Jason David and their ten joke about it yeah exactly anyways ways to be honest I guess the thing is like someone like had sent that to me that clip or whatever and I know people around me up and like the thing is like I'm sensitive so like stuff like hurts hurts and stuff like that still but I also just don't care anymore you know like just sounds like some time this thing. It's hard 'cause I talk about it but it's to me. It's like like with the passport thing. He's at his manager. I'm like this is so greasy. His manager is contacting my crazy way like that. I guess or you can be like. Here's a fricken. I know where you live anyways. Mail it to this address like it's pretty simple but address to that would be the second best option or oranges respond to me. Like what am I going to murder you with. Your passport did move very close to last week's episode reading some of the comments. Yeah now I was surprised by how many people think that you were still psycho for doing that. Like my advice of like just moving to wherever you want to move wasn't great for everybody. Yeah people people don't like that but the thing is my literally my neighbors like John Mayer so it's like. I don't think I moved into a neighborhood where Justin timberlake like literally. There was Justin Timberlake Chris Evans. I don't think I'm like I don't think it's like John. They're still there. Does he live there. I have a theory about it. He posted an instagram. And it looks like my view view and then I looked over and I was like the so I yes I think so. I heard that someone else. Wow told me he lives near me excess. Do you know which area I'd put. Put him top five favorite all time. I heard he's a sexual deviant ways. Devious a bad word. Yeah Oh it is Deviant meant like warned obvious a sexual actual a sexual escapade or no sexual. I mean works a sexual up. I mean look at the way you want to say like. He's a bad way. A deviant is departing from usual accepted standard especially in social or sexual behavior out. DVD's not bad as you say departing from Usual Hardee's the devious devious devious and I know he's a recovering ego maniac. What does that have the angles? I don't know I just saw Interview on it and honestly it was one of the more interesting things I've ever seen. And maybe you should watch it not only mainly because of your ego. It's just a great. I have an EGO. I don't think you do I definitely don't I literally thing I'm trying. I'm always surprised when anybody comes up. Actually I think that's true. You have the opposite of an EGO. Yeah I literally wide. Does anybody like But either way yeah he was. He like admits to being an ego maniac and he went to therapy. I think he went to like like a rehabilitation center for his ego and now he came back and that's why he was. I think that's why he did. Like the grateful. Dead tour where he was just in the band and not the actual front man so so that he could like take a back seat to not be the front of the biggest fan. I don't have any of that stuff that you just said amusing love him. I heard yeah. I heard he's been with thousands of women men and he called Jessica Simpson Sexual Napalm was sexual. Napalm is like a bomb sexual bombs actually. I sounded really sexy though I was like I want to be sexual napalm. You just heard a word and just assume that it sounded good. Yeah terrible thing. No explosion like like Napalm is explosion. Now I don't know it could be the dumbest impulsivity. The dumbest coast napalm highly flammable sticky jelly used in bombs implores. Right so it's like something in a bomb showed like explosions. I would assume sexual explosion. Somebody would call somebody that like in the bedroom Adam. He said that so I feel like she was explosive like she fucking like meet him like explode. That's right that's what I took from it and so I think both of them are freaky. I would love to have a threesome with both of them. Oh Yeah I mean he's in. I was GONNA say this Algebra all of this allegedly. Because I I was GONNA say. He's in the alleged herpes category. Because apparently I kirkby scandal. I've heard lots of bad about him. Allegedly as like usher and stuff like that careful with allegedly a real out allegedly. Yeah Hey no your you're you're you're listening to this. So many people were like. Hey if this is true like who the fuck cares like fucking tell your partners. You don't have to tell the fucking world like a lot of people have these. What did they say like one in three the people in La have herpes or wanted to? Now maybe I know a ton of not A. Wow Oh I did too. I just checked it. I know I read your the thing allowed your all your results. We read out. Yeah Okay Cool big moment for you and me actually proud and me okay so you okay. Okay so John Mayer we love you. Would you have sex with him. No No really even though you love him admire him so much. Because I don't have a lot of females. I don't consider myself bisexual has spent like I would would totally has actually like Pamela Anderson and my her so much you would have sex with people you admire. Yeah for sure pursued doesn't really matter male or female have you have. We talked about this at all on the podcast. This might be a good to get into. We got your friends giving but yeah let's talk about what sexuality I before friendsgiving trouble Sam Bisexual. Then everyone will come from me. I don't I don't consider myself bisexual comments about that too. By the way about life still about the whole trance. Tough in your comment section. I was reading those and Honestly it's it's a lot of hate but I think you've been handling it. Well Yeah I. It's not that difficult of a subject you know it's just there's a lot of people people who just don't want things to change just want things to be there they don't understand things Saigo to DVD classes. Which I think we talk about this reports for people with borderline personality disorder? I I did not know that we've never discussed that. No I haven't going dialectical behavioral therapy. No I just researched it because I I'm really interested interesting. Lions I'm serious. I know there's four categories of dbt that you try to Study one of them is I think the main one that I was seriously because a lot of people have bipolar disorder. A lot of mental elements that I work with and so that's why I'm studying in one of them was that you need to regulate your emotions. Was I think ask yes And it's really such a huge aspect and Louis challenging. I Hate Group therapy. I hate groups all of that. But it's like okay. I'll go because I literally hit seventy rock bottoms this year life changing. I love it. I don't talk about it too much because it is something but but I sent this morning this morning was I did it this morning. Yes it's no. It's not one on one anymore. You're going to therapy there. Wasn't this morning. This is a this was a group and I love it and so. And here's the other thing too about borderline personality disorder that you can also have traits of it. You don't have to necessarily be a fall. BLOHM borderline it line. There's also situational borderline personality disorder where it just like gets triggered Like for me. For instance like my individual therapist saw signs the shear. It doesn't mean I have them all the time you know what I mean. Maybe it's a relationship when I'm triggered by something bad Alice have so anyways interested but even the first year that you went to check they may. I started well master therapist before but this is my first year. I found like a good there because the proton even diagnosed with something no because I asked him that was the first thing is. I'm like okay. So do you think I'm borderline bipolar. And he goes honestly he goes. You have traits of borderline personality order. But it's Eh can't full. I've never been fully blown diagnose I'm never ever taken like I've been dying. I've been given pills for like lithium and something that I've never taken them because so many people say different things I think Part of the fear of taking lithium or any medication is that it it will alter your personality to a point of just being so homeostasis that you can't get up or down which is is good sometimes because you can't get too low but you can't get high and you just end up feeling numb nothing. It's good if you if you need the medication. Yeah we'll to my understanding though now I mean it's not like the one thousand nine hundred sixty s and the nineteen seventy sticky with lithium and then puts you in a Gurney and shake you a little bit. Yeah no there's like there's a lot a good options now but like for one going to group. Therapy is incredible. Yeah no the regulating. Emotions is a huge thing especially have borderline traits borderlines especially me me as being highly emotional person to control your emotions and regular them not necessarily not feel them but just regulate them so when people like the transgender common cause I also work with a a gender identity specialist who is a therapist. People themselves specialists and He he can come home and he's in Vegas beating on my podcast and he He said you know if you I'm just going with all this regulating emotions. Oh so basically. It's just like if one of those things is like it's just not putting it generally like just not really if someone comment it doesn't it's not. That person doesn't know me you. If you make a comment to me I listen to. I can take it in but you don't know me you don't know my thoughts. You don't know my feeling and stuff like that so if you regulate your emotions how you're feeling and don't let your emotions control you. I mean that's the thing. Sometimes these deums whoever it's about as a matter of just whatever whatever if someone's like you're ugly or whatever like just not having that control me like like Lizard mainly social media that you feel those effects from that when you see a comment from there in regularly it's not it's more regular life and that's the thing. Hey comments you will always be. I don't know how you deal with your comments. I don't know I just get them especially the transgender thing like. There's nothing I can do like this is who I am this is how I feel an onslaught in onslaught of skin. I had it onslow scandals. Yeah but anymore I'm dislike. There's nothing nothing I can do. And there's nothing I can do to control what people think are say. There's not there's not yeah exactly I can I. Can I guess not post what I feel but with those specific in specific my gender video. Like that's how I feel. It wasn't like involving anyone else. You now it does come in. I guess if I start talking about okay David whatever. I'm talking about other people even though it happened to me like this is something that made me uncomfortable. I was involving other people so now I'm trying to just talk about my own feelings my own what. I'm going through in my life and not really involving anyone else unless they want to be involved. which thank you for making it? Six episodes people aren't literally like Jordan's ready ready to peace out any time. It's not it's not like I'm ready to Peace L.. It's now I'm obligated. I feel like that's a good way. I I feel like my entire life is run by obligation. I don't really like doing anything I'd rather just sit on my couch and watch sports all day. Really nothing yeah. I haven't really okay. I'm a great space right now because I'm so motivated by everything I Yeah I think my motivation is real. Like I'm really motivated. Like when I when I wanna be but I e motivated by money. Yeah Yeah No I am no. I think money would probably be like two or three. What's your number one? I think one is actually making people not angry at me like my goal in every day for like no one to be angry. I mean it's terrible goal. Fuck that look this yours. Okay there's there's a F- There's something going on like Tanna is filming. MTV Right now in everyone is supposed to be at confessionals at an hour ago. And no one like Trevor Moran you know Trevor. He's literally face down in a toilet throwing up right now. He's supposed as we are. I even hate or whatever but like they're kind of rockstars I kinda love. I'm someone WHO's so. Punctual has to be time. But that's the thing with and I'm not trying to be like like the old person make these young kids but if I was what are they twenty one. So that was won't all flocked 'EM IF I was twenty two thousand one making the money they're making in the fame they have the the holy Shit. I mean I was over there last night for friendsgiving to I want to talk about this like the actual setup here by the way okay because this is like it's episode six now. Yeah in this like we have to do something. This is working now so we sat up. I sent you see the picture will I did. I just wanted to the upcoming you guys. We also have guests. You're saying we don't have guessed. We're just waiting for the perfect setup. Here's here's the thing This podcast is going really well. I don't even know in terms of numbers. It's doing great and you have like you know. Twelve twelve sponsors or are already go post last week. I might have been yeah. You don't know how much like. Oh probably thanks from calming. It's listen to our podcast. I'm Jen I love listening to the podcast back to as and I sent it to. Oh my God. There's like ads in here like we didn't do. The ad reads but there was ads. And maybe it's pennies. Who fucking cares? We had ads so excited. The main point is is is that it's time to take it to the next level we we're taking it to me being here for obligatory reason it's time to get into an actual studio which is in your house. Snow just painted it. You have a couch. I haven't neon sign coming. Yes thank you for that contribution. No the room is a sick. I've never been. I've never had painted walls my entire time in la. I've never had walls painted. So I painted like my whole yourself. No I know. They painted it pink stripes and I have a pink couch and I have like. Pink bedazzled microphones. I'm very excited about this. And I have the original showtime at Shane gave give me that says the dish with trash. And it's like there it's going to be. That's when I had it on for Kim. What was it soundcloud or some shit and so it's cool to come like? Yeah it's going to be just so excited about. Yeah but I wanted to. I'll be perfect like for the first like we're GONNA have guests like left right inside and you're gonNA start putting the audio like i. Don't think the audio because for now I'm giving you a little taste. Hey some youtube channel but I want them to come. Listen on the PODCAST for the quality here but I used to be very clear. That's why you're doing it on Youtube. You stop them halfway so that people would go to the podcast just to listen to actually listen to the full thing which is great quality much better than the youtube strays been and then when really terrible to be honest with you but if you're liking it gets like fifty thousand views to watch people like it. I like it people like but here's the thing and then when we do get guests we'll we'll think the audio but we're going to put like like three or four clips from the episode something that's because right now the first thirty thirty minutes it can be fucking boring and maybe the juice at the end of the podcast when we do with gas. I'm going to be like all like Howard. Starting just take like clip. Doesn't think we really have no schedule. We just kind of talk about curriculum. We're going to have curriculum. I'm very this is my. This is my priority. All yes I'm banking on only fan. Thank you by. The way only went up since last time we talked so motivated did by only fans 'cause like so many people are on there and so it's so I the sounds the sounds. We are by so many people are so fucking funny. I don't I just I don't think of guys thinking of me in that way at all. Yeah I I have girls and I have gay guys and I love them. I don't think it's strike is fucking hot like I don't think like that at all. Don't but you like it. I love it live for. It is your favorite thing in the entire world individual there but the other day. That's about it and he's like do you like the attention. I'm like yes. Yes on the last part. It's a remember the last podcast as opposed to podcasts ago. You didn't remember. Let's let's get back to your friends friends. Oh by the way to say to the little town. I wasn't mad that she said that. I just want to make it clear. I never just like Tanna. It was always an uncomfortable thing while I was dating Jason when David would bring a that joke. So when tanner would tax me to hang out I was always like no because because you remember that that situation happens so many times somebody who was on that like in those rooms rooms like when she was texting you zero acknowledge of even you knowing that there was a thing you know what I mean tax. Are we having a three days long. Yeah so maybe she thought it was a joke. I think so. And that's totally fine. Jason David known whatever and like I hated it was always an awkward thing especially because there was a thing where like Jason did try. It's like before we start so it was just like an awkward thing. Is this series as this week. So it wasn't like I hated her but like your boyfriend's like into someone in constant talking about kissing them and make your kind of don't want to be around them and also I love Hannah and she said we were friends and so we are friends and I was in her blog the other day and we're cool and now when we do the studio podcast your new studio. She'll be one of our first. Three are your four guest. She's always so nice to me like when I see her like that is the one person has always fucking so hardcore name. Names someone who's just like mean everytime I wouldn't say they mean but Tana's over the top nice over the alternative someone mean like someone maybe seeing offish. Maybe something that you thought was nice that he was mean not mean very various. Finish like very friendly to everybody. But me basically maybe it specifically because of you. But he'll like favorite tweak. Even after Jason's like break-up he would like favorite tweets tweets about on the podcast and stuff like that. I think other people who are on the Internet who have like a lot of followers they probably see you and they see all the scandals and they probably do think you're tricia you. They are not going to talk. I'm not going to get involved with the drama. Yeah but this is what I was dating Jason and he was cool with like law. It was it was all very very weird but he was one now. I was surprised. And then people were like he's misogynistic and allegedly as people say he hates women and the animal never heard. I met him like three times each time. He acts like he's never met eighteen. It's one of those things. I sat next to him right at the St measor short either. Fuck those award shows are. I think was a short as it was in New York and my performing at the streams this year that we talked to them about that redid. But you're not and he was so close years there's this whole panel of people actually a funny story. We're on the phone. There's five people on the call. Listen and guys I have two pitches Tricia comes out there. She sings whatever you want. And I think I showed them using lady Gaga. I in the deepest. How shallow showed him and they said? Oh my God this is phenomenal. Let's talk about it. And unfortunately they just didn't who's performing now Katy Perry Lady Gaga. I have no idea anyone. I think the direct quote was like anyone but Tricia is what they are. You fucking with me and I'm feeling so good. You're like well. They actually adding one budget. Yeah actually join. And we'll tell me stuff like he and he'll tell me don't bring it up dumber because he will tell me the truth who we talked about like someone podcast and then they canceled me and then I was supposed to murder someone and then they canceled meeting. He'll tell me the reason why he goes. But they don't want you to know because I think people are genuinely scared of me that I'm GonNa put them on blast. I think it's good for you know when people are scared of you. Yeah because we'll help you navigate your way through the industry of what to do and what not to do but I wanna like when people think you're stupid that's that's the part that bothers me right. I want or any of my clients like even even if they are dumb. I want them to know like what's going on and be like hey. You didn't get this because this person said this and this person's causing an issue take care and sometimes I don't but like Sandra David over goes fuck that or that other person didn't want me on their podcast with the transgender. Okay I mean you know I kind of understand that one for that that one which one fans specifically right like the podcast. I don't understand that's just like just do it for views. I mean. Get like what are you doing. That's not smart right and it could've been great for them but the other one. I thought you know they had this huge business with somebody and they don't WanNa they don't WanNa conflict I totally SORTA leaguer. I Don I literally don't give a fuck and actually so many people that are talked to who is going to like Elijah Daniel from Bandra. Someone else was trying to get rid of Andrew. I'm I mean they're they're make so much money so they don't have a doc if the took this model of creating merchant in the industry and they've perfected it they've done the best of any quality who will have your right now is because that's the android fan so you no. It's not just one company who can do a lot of companies out. We have emerged if you go to shop and church DOC is a shop. I just shop Trish. We still got to fix the URL. I think it's been a couple of months secure. Url are happening now are happening. We get a paycheck once a month now from it waiting for my paycheck do on it is. I don't care I'm also like whatever I keep. I always keep a tap I friends giving. I WanNa know you held. Are you in your thirties. You hang out with twenty year old are you the Jason Natia the Tanta Group. Honestly I was going to say before. Yeah I think about that constantly. I'm not getting very odd to me when I see I mean it's not odd whatever who the fucking literally think about that constantly. I'm not getting I really don't like being the old guy. I heard him like minutes before this. PODCAST call one of his people. Hey you're supposed to be there and fifteen minutes like okay. I'll even fifteen minutes and I was like Jordan News on Seoul telling this doc young hot chick to like get out of bed. Okay well I love it. I wish I was those people. That's a rock star right there. That's fucking Shit it's not on and now it's nothing it's good or bad I'm just saying that's a Rockstar. Who doesn't fucking care about shed? No I disagree. Yeah it's about it's actually actually just somebody who literally doesn't give a shit she I mean she gives a shit but like you know everyone was partying last night and we knew we had stuff to do today. I mean I've had I've had a full. I'm here this podcast casts. I have to go directly to confessionals right after this. Well this is an obligation. I do it it's GonNa you're gonNA because we're old and we've had jobs is not fun. I did my whole life. I'm serious. I was going to be somewhere your whole life. Well I guess I have to but I guess what I'm saying is is like we. You had a regular jobs. I'm assuming that got didn't pay while and stuff like that like you think about these people who've had like thousands of dollars coming in every month since they were like sixteen years old so I I don't even think it's the money like for me personally like a lot of the influencers are social media. So anyone who has a job who doesn't do their their shit I don't I don't know if it's about the money it's literally just like a personality trait of getting yourself of motivated or feeling great passion to do something. Maybe that all these youtubers are these young ones Dot David. I guess David. Even even he's getting kind of slack on his blogs like once a week I mean is going daily and then he went was every three days four days. No it's like once a week now and and it's to me. I mean I get it like what money you don't need. I love Liza but look Elisa she kinda just like fuck YouTube. I mean the people. The people who've won I cost me talk. Talk about this with anyone who wants to be successful thing about people. Want Shane David Casey Davidson determined. Because you know who is saying about. The other day was praying for his prank. Do you remember how big he was. Of course I wash video. He uploaded like yesterday. And that's why okay but even so like the family took their spot. That's that's kind of true but I was thinking I saw video of his. Yes you have like ten thousand views and they used to get ten million fifteen months and even I think there was a long break there. Maybe that's Soi Dave days. I don't know if you remember. He was two thousand seven. He and Miley Cyrus and his videos like married to Jacqueline Glenn. For a minute I think. Now Yeah Jacqueline Glenn if days yeah yeah no he was not yup check it. I'm positive fucking because I keep up with Jacksonville. I keep up with everybody. That's bullshit yeah no I think I think you have Social Repos nope that was afterwards or before but I remember that God wave this well. They were dating which I didn't even know I'm usually we never wrong on anything in fact why don't you quizzed me on. Something on Jacqueline Glenn Her news to wrestling. Oh what happened. Why did you get get rid of clients? I switch companies and moved company G Your Company. Now Yeah but When I left my left you know full screen? And they left studio seventy one in a lot of those clients who were at companies. Can't just take you know I can't find the marriage thing but maybe they're gonNa let us know if you even know who they are. I mean Jacqueline missile pretty relevant but day days. I think doesn't make videos. I don't WanNa say that because I don't know but but even there was a jason and Shane's friend group like Jason Horton. I don't know if you remember. Remember Jason Horn. I love. I love him too. I just had a video a month ago. 'cause crash on him yeah. He's a comedian and again to stop making youtube users. Would that's no he's forties but so Jason's so if I think about this right so Jason and David all these people are like at the top of their game. But here's the thing. Once and Allah Sheen's friend group. There was a girl named Shauna bree all these people used to come rupture to show uh-huh keep going Brianna. Remember Steve Green remember him. Obviously still going Nikki podcasts. For the Lisbon Glover Schwartz so all these people my point is all these people used to get millions of views when they hung out with Shane. Right then Shane kind of blew up. Didn't necessarily like leaving behind distance thing. One Day David my blow up he might not. I'm assuming he probably will. And all these other people already did. He's already there he's already is but you can No no I don't think so. There's a if there's a If they're not rushmore. There's a Mount Rushmore of Youtube. Dobrich two thousand nine hundred seventy s but ten years. No He's only been on the platform. I'm three years. He's getting close to being Shane. Hundred million that's worldviews timing. I'm just saying and you have to have some longevity. You can't be on from three years and be like you're the legend of Youtube your the culture for now. It's been longer than three years three three years. No No oh you're so we started with Collab- when they were vining and that was different. We started youtube like three and a half years ago when I met him it was only a year anyways. The point is I know he's huge or whatever whatever but you'd have longevity like the thing is my point is this also too is like Who Else I'm just trying to think about it? There's Oh toe. He was mainstream. He was in movies. He was on friend. It or okay Jacqueline Glenn she must be like bottomless ship. I like her. She's Nice but what I'm saying is like toby. Maybe was on that same level. It's it's different now because people are like blowing up from stars more but like Tobon was on. He was in. He was in a couple of movies. Like you could be completely wrong here and I seriously hate to to put this other. There's not true but did he hid issue a rape allegation. Yes yeah but I mean that happens. That's what I'm saying you can fall does happen. It doesn't just have saying if it's true. True right no no. I'm saying I'm not saying this to like put anything on anyone. I know shit about people that if it comes out like their fall of grace will happen quicker than than expected end so he won't be saying that in two years if the case is but here's the thing by the way though the lifespan of of social influencers. We have no idea really what it is. There's a few people who've we've cracked the code. And I think those people are Shane the ability to adapt in too long in divas adapted as well whether it be daily blogs do for now but look Elisa Elisa Koshi two years it goes eight decided though that she doesn't want I think that could be David but there's a very specific person who says Youtube is my main platform. That's my career. I the engine that drives my entire business right Shane. I think still does whether he gets a net flicks dealer whenever he does. He's he youtube drives. Same thing for Pudi Pie and all the the biggest influences in the world excuse me the world they they find ways to evolve and to keep that trend going up whether you know no matter where it wasn't a lot of the people you just mentioned took long breaks and they couldn't they couldn't figure out like hey I make videos I get a couple of million views but what's what's the business model. What's next what's GONNA make money? The clothing line is it a podcast. Is it litter bitch is it. You know whatever it is yes clutter it a a lot of people say you have to. You have to be in this industry for longer than three years on youtube to be considered like legendary cracked the code. Because there's some lies would have been that person and now. She's no longer on Youtube and I should. I haven't seen. She stopped making videos anymore and David this year when during right before my expose video. He's making three blocks a week consistently Monday. Wednesday Friday needed blogs blogs he post. Maybe once a week. Sometimes I was specifically your your video. That made him drop back. Maybe because he was so stressed he was he would call he call us at like one in the morning. I need something and this was he wasn't using me and he's like we need to call Tanna and you guys need to have a threesome for our blog and he's pushing pushing pushing and I was just like this is so fucked and like I think after that like he was just so pressure to get stuff out that like maybe I don't know I don't know fuck and who knows who fucking cares but I think yes. Oh worry about Daca not getting speeding tickets if he gets a speeding ticket he gets at home to Slovakia. So don't speed in your fucking Ferrari dumb ass all right. He got a slow no he had it. He has a Ferrari now when you talk about on his podcast and he got pulled over you. Listen to the podcast this. I'm thinking and this was months ago. But he said he was getting pulled over for speeding ticket and he called Jason to like take take the blame or whatever. 'CAUSE IF HE GETS A ticket he says he has to go home. So how about. Just don't speak all right. Let's go anyways. That was I mean just to be clear. This podcast dish with Trish. He's very very very against driving fast. Don't do it. And it doesn't matter until breaker. If you're a social media influencer her at all please just don't drive over the speed limit. I met a disgruntled ex blog. Squad a member down. Oh yeah that is true. You don't remember me and I was just like I knew who was immediately you were like this guy was like. Oh this guy. Yeah and he said his name and I knew the name right away clicked and he was someone who's been Davis logs. I remember like he was. He was the beginning and he was pest. David doesn't call him anymore. I'm GonNa show you something really quick. Look at the mercy science too much to humor trade after this but I gotta show you the messages from from that guy. Oh He's like Jordan. He'd like he knew it was coming his Jordan tennis manager and I was just. I don't know that was offensive. I'm even say your manager. I know well your town of Mandra. That's your mo now mine yeah. That's true just as long as you keep getting. I don't like how they changed. The conversation conversation things on the iphone like just show if I type in something on search like show me every time I wrote it like I don't want to have to see just the top three conversations and then other stupid suggestions I want to you see every time I got. It's so funny to me that you do still associate with me. I'm always shocked. Yeah I know my whole family is to speak to like like how do you do it man I love you we love you the other day you love you back to me on the podcast no attacks and I screen shot. It got really excited about it. I'd probably that was pretty drunk. I know I feel like okay. Here's the tax where he says I love you is that it's Oh this was after our podcast. I was hype. I was like. It's so fun I fucking love you I said I. I love you multiple times and he never said that. Vaccines for this fucking weird. But I'd like to say it as emphasis in an love you so fucking modules like so good yes we are awesome and then actually. He didn't respond so this is like Monday. and Tuesday at ten. Am there's ads. Aren't podcast today. Thirty one minute mark and went home. It was this this Monday. This is plus Monday and then high after all my tax on the night before I like high and then you're like I love you and that's incredible. I approved it but I thought they said after this Kadogo listen now. So here's the thing I don't know if I I would have necessarily said I love you back immediately because as you wait twenty four hours or something for sponsors fuck. She's definitely entitled title to this so excited because part of me always did. This is my my paranoia. I always think we're GONNA leave me. Zig joins me eventually like fucking in whatever leave. I don't same just say that's what I said Jason. When he tried to free up with me I was a little different? I'm getting and also hilarious. Premise of somebody trying to break up with you and just being like no God that was me but also anyway no I don't either today is actually the last day we're GONNA be together. It's like no I'm actually gonNA stay here forever. nope not happening okay. Wait let's talk about Thanksgiving and then the march so friendsgiving wherever you are thirty something with a bunch of twenty early twenty somethings how is it tough way to put it. There's a lot of people my age. There I saw the photo MoD sun is a year older than me because he's a celebrity. Celebrities can be fifty five and hanging out in nineteen year olds because they're celebrities. I honestly have over one hundred thousand dollars. Wow I am basically a slump exact number followers you really. Don't tell me last time I remember. I remember that that day. 'cause I had looked but today it could be anything I could have a million. I haven't looked in ours. I think shadow ban on instagram. Yes you are. I think because because they think they actually took shot Obama away for a second think. Come see the purse on instagram. That's trademark actually. Come see the bus company. The push that's going on Tana's latest video. She should only fans cloud with her on that she will not. She was in her Thong on Youtube. Does her ass straight up in the air. Like put this life and I honestly so. That's that was like the first time I've gotten a deal for somebody where I felt like I was helping to promote promote or produce porn porn. I was shocked. Because here's the thing I don't work on your stuff right Your whatever you make on porn only you're only fans your snapchat where whatever John I don't do I don't work with any of that stuff because I don't know I just I didn't want my career to be tighter porn. I guess even though it makes a ton of money but like just the prospect of like representing Porn Stars versus social media. influencers is a lot different I have had the opportunity that people have worked with. Who have taken that route afterwards? But I think there's only a few people who can make make it happen like you still have your normal career and then go back to inks. It's really difficult to be to do porn and to not have that affect your. I guess you just your normal so much I agree it. which is weird? 'cause I thought. Oh this is it. I'M GONNA be looked as the girl who does this but honestly like I think 'cause like I'm like a girls girl l. like you know what I mean like. I don't know what it is but thank you guys Okay so friendsgiving throw away from it You you had Turkey. You had potatoes `tatoes who cooked so I guess I mean pretty much Tana's friends she she has you know there's Ashley do you know all these people ask we all Mari. Mari was sick so he didn't really help with anything. Bella cooked Natalie the assistant she cooked. I mean there's so much food it was really fun. I've never been to a friendsgiving. I'm usually home at this point right. I should be home right now. I'm going home tonight again. Talks back-to-back shirts. New York is fuck her. Yeah that's part of like suck it up you know so. Oh Yeah I guess we just ate a lot of food not that was it. You said you partied drink. Russillo shots at some cello shots office. Three I didn't have off. I had him out. He didn't take someone's someone's body Well that sounds lame. Yeah is that how you're supposed to take jelly shots. Were body shots. No no no no. Are you sure you're just saying this to save face I don't know I really didn't do it officers body. I don't think so but it was fun. Where's your ex girlfriend? You back with her. Did she text you update on that. No he hasn't texted you sense. No checks you ask ask you what did you say yes this is my favorite read Jordans tax as it is someone who were offended that I looked at your phone. They're like wow Zubov Zubov people were like. Oh my God. I can't believe treasurer. I don't have anything on my phone. That's that There's that but I mean I promise not to like text anyone or know like that's the thing I don't like it. I'm not like a meddler. I don't meddle so you say something about me or talk about me or make me uncomfortable. When she wrote back it wasn't nice oppression? You can read it and I'll just summarized. Yeah well wait. This isn't obviously about podcasts. As well yeah but it was literally listening to League. Clearly part of the podcast gives the comments. She he made was responsible for saying. Yeah if you got but I didn't I don't I don't delete things anyways. I why did comment on what how on my instagram. Because it was like negative. I don't I don't delete either. This awesome from you know. They just didn't want her. The no no no when I said Okay I want I want her to have A. I mean I'm I'm also not no no you can't be. I don't like that I don't like when you're like close to someone and then they're like friends you're actually like okay both know there's somewhere t it's like if to hate the person but there is you know speaking of which how's it going with the hard work cut out a frat pit. We're going to dinner tonight. You in the card worked out. Yeah okay look at this look got some of that Shit. I have my phone case. I'm showing Jordan Obsessive Brad Pitt. Phone case cool an amazing story about my Brad Pitt cardboard cutout on what manifested. I have to save that. Unfortunately until mid December mid December I will say it on his podcast because I did announce the engagement on this podcast. I think Have big surprise but I want to keep it a surprise from you for our podcast. I WanNa say December twentieth maybe January first new husband a new cardboard cutout. Oh Oh you never know something fucking amazing. And I haven't talked about it to anyone and I can't talk about it because they know that is Brad Pitt on the podcast. Let's go could you. I can't even think of A. What do they say? Second copy just for free. Sorry just like Oh ten minutes okay do we go no co host. I know I keep getting my only fans. I'm a patriotic podcast. Like everything mixed up Should we do have a lot going on which we can get into. I mean just for your your business model now for For moving into the next year we have this podcast which is going great thousand thousand percent this podcast to book deals. I WANNA get book deals already know you. Well we've talked about the premise of getting them. But I I got to done. Are they done. They're ready to go really. Yes so I mean we could actually do them. Okay I want to be on Broadway. I want another tour. Broadway's IT circled. But it's like nick can't just be like hey Broadway it's coming Broadway you can. I feel if you end up on Broadway. Coleen I mean Gretchen. We're not the same brand. I think she actually went to college. She went to juilliard or something. I'm serious nine. She did she did. She went to perform rascal. I wasn't really hard. But she did. And she's fucking amazing and I love her not to say you're not though of we should get you on Broadway. But I'm the Rosie o'donald she was like on Broadway and like she doesn't sing or Dr Eric Jane or John Stamos or Coogan Junior. I'm like Kubo was in Chicago. Yuba is it Kuba. Cuba Couva Q.. couvert junior really cool. Getting junior cubic yet country misspell. The same right. Yeah Kuba are you sure. Can we get. Who can we get someone in the booth? Can we get a pronunciation check. Is it Kuba. Cuba are you GONNA do. I feel like what if we don't have someone checking for us. This is GonNa Avi Yonggang Yeah. Tom Shut the spelling of Cuba. Not Pronunciation should we look at my new merch real quick before. I WANNA make a list. I WANNA make a list of of everything that we have coming out now. I have a a list here that you know we can start off with ready. Yep Okay so we have We have some shorts excited for these shorts. They are two different colors and did they say anything on them. Yeah Okay saying Rebirth Rebirth Black Friday and so there's many much who else has a album called the rebirth. Shut up there. is somebody like albums ever. I'm serious this is my. Why fuck are you kidding? No seriously. It's a favorite also one one of his best but yeah no. It's big one where you kidding. I didn't know I don't know anything you tell me a song that's out right now and I have someone's like Shawn Mendez and I don't know what they do. Okay eh singers. I don't even know people are okay. I don't know anything about Sean Man. I swear to God I couldn't tell you one thing. If you had a gun to my head right how. How do you know all of these early nineties late nineties ninety stars but no one from like two thousand? I think I listen to the radio and I wash autumn music videos when I was a kid but now I don't have cable I do. You have cable at Disney. Wash your anything you know. I Love Disney boss. But you don't need cable for Disney plus no but I do have cable. 'cause I watch like the morning show giving him on the view and like all those things all right the dish with Trish on shorts. What else rebirth on shorts we we? Are you just want to make sure everything. I have a list. Do you want to thank God. We need to go through the old one because I write these. I'm going to forget why I think it's better to start. I have like ten maybe of them. The dish was pink Hoodie. My my Hawker Christmas is is that daughter now. Are you just starting this girl. Chris are you just starting. That told me this all done design. I think hot girl Christmas will be out. Maybe even before Christmas Friday out now because tomorrow Friday no tomorrow's Wednesday tomorrow's Wednesday black Friday Jordan because Christmas is coming. You can't buy a shirt for Christmas on Christmas Day. Will you know you can't wouldn't be able to wear trenches right about it was Cuba. That's what she just said Spanish. I should Spanish. But that's yeah but that doesn't I'm not giving you the win on. That was awful and depends on. It depends on language Cuba. gooding junior can can be on Broadway. I can be brought. He was a full. He was awful. I was GONNA say that for the record. He was so so so backwards being Chicago. He was Dr Dr Chicago on Broadway. Yeah and then he got those allegations he had. What is with guys fucking? Here's my thing guys are in the spotlight or disguise. In general how don't sexually actually assault or harass women. Don't throw your out of they don't ask for. It might be easy. He goes. What are you thinking of sexually harassing? Someone don't don't. That's the message in the dishwasher. Guys are so fucking stupid. You don't hear this about female. Celebrities or females and like guys. Don't worry about the Dick Unless they've asked. Yeah I mean we've definitely heard I mean especially the two years the metoo movement with men has awfully one every thousand men. I'd say I'd say they wanted to every hijab now. Name of female. That's alleged xactly he can't donate a hold on. Hold on Shit I I literally just there was just one and it was in Congress and then she or maybe he was a mayor or governor Tampa. I just read this but she was cheating on her husband husband with a female staffer. Think so one you can kind of name but not really I can name twenty guys right now. Harvey Weinstein Cuba gooding junior. James Thank you can just go on fucking Kevin Space. You can go on the list. Don't fucking don't don't be sexual offenders how about that. Hey you're thinking about assaulting someone don't are you thinking about sending on warranted Dick Pic don't there you into unwarranted depicts. Don't I don't do it just to Stop Schmidt bumper stickers on consensual someone who wants to see that Dick Pic. I'm back girl. There's grows out there that want to see your dictates and some girls do not want it so just it. Don't do it unless you hear a girl like me. Don't do it to me either. But if I know you in person you can do it to me. I guess whatever you're over eighteen assault question mark. No Oh that would be a good bumper. No okay okay. All right so we have. We have the shorts and these are going to be a big hit. We have a pink Hoodie. Coming out with is obvious to Lug podcast August. which is a big hot girl Chris? There was inaugural. Wasn't there the Pamela Anderson one. Yeah but that's definitely coming out right. It's definitely happening Friday. ASURA her I'd say ninety five percent Jordan. No a thousand percent needs to be black Friday. I will literally what the Pam Anderson One. Yeah are they different than the hawk. Christmas thirty yes. Oh my God I'm going to me. Live Friday dawn. What else? That's one two three four five six more. There's like look at least three more. You're going to find list. I wanted to do a trans icon. Won The flag WANNA raise money for tranquility. There's a transplanted and I sent it into the design team and there was some issues with it like not just copyright for the transplant. I don't know anyone who owns the rights to it but There was some other issue with it. I WANNA merchandise IHEART. BJ and I wanted to beetlejuice team because my bedroom is beetlejuice team right now. What else does does that stand for beetlejuice? Do you understand now. Explain it to me. Well I don't get it. I can't know why look look at my bedroom. It's beetlejuice themed and it's really good. I mean it's a little corners. Wall yourself I did not paint all my. Don't listen to me. Can we do IHEART. BJ and having a beetlejuice colors. I'm GonNa add that in here. We're allowed to do that. I guess I just said it was inspired by beetlejuice. Breath is inspired. I'll put that in here. Love dirty blow job you like we might want. I feel like we. We might be missing one shy check. Yeah like 'cause I send you five rows ideas and I forget I'm going to delete. I'm going to delete the the Trans flag for now lying. I really want to raise money. I think that we can do but I don't think it's a holiday theme thing like November December. I think we can get rid of that. Okay okay but it's happened on Christmas going to be out for Gin Friday or what. You Mean Pamela. Anderson says it will be will penalty. Anderson has done and I just need to check on Hydro Chris. I'm a okay I swear to God if you don't have this done I'm going to be so different now because I've literally been harassing you about this. Too Hot girl into you would is Christmas. It's my new single comes now December third. I'm doing the music theater December seven because we can we play. We only have a couple of minutes. I WANNA play a little snippet of it and then we'll be done. Can I play knows I owned the rights. Okay we'll white-list it. It was a mama's white listed. GotTa show that means that anyone can use your songs on the Internet and you have to go through copyright infringement thousand percent. I told everybody that Mike using Komo weather uses them. I literally have used these. Actually we got a publishing deal. Actually so I think you're GonNa hear on MTV the actual TV station not though true true true true but it's all good. I don't know this is not coming up my. I was really excited to play this but I don't think he's going to have well. Maybe we can just put Lincoln the Bio. I don't think that is podcasts. Carr's have links. Do they also video. I wouldn't know who comes out to the Youtube. I wonder who comes up with the oh I got it the titles of the podcast. You look at the titles Clemson somebody you do do you does she. Oh they do. It's good some. I always wondered 'cause they do like a whole description of the episode and I think they'll be a lot better better when we have structuring guests. I think he's been pretty good now. I can't get this up. Maybe next time we play a lot of growth this podcast. No you weren't at all. I mean you were a little bit but Mike now than we have you I contact. I forgot what it was like Jack Dig it was distracting to me. Whatever I the tip the merge going now so that's great? Do you WanNa do some you know. I don't think do I don't think I had Hannukah merch. I went home for Hanukkah dinner with my family as I say. It's a Hannukah yet. If I had Jewish Merchant Hannukah Merch let me see if I can bring it up real quick. I had Hannukah about three years ago. Lessons Weird no because it was actually was very popular piece. You know show you. It's really cool. I think showed you this before my little Jewish march is the Star of David with Schick on it. Oh you know what that's funny. He picks them means non Jew in Yiddish Jewish men where little temptresses well not necessarily. That's what my ex-boyfriend Molly You know she literally said that she was like it's non-jewish girls who tried to seduce our Jewish men as if like you can't date them that's not true but like it can NBA my Hanukkah meals. I do a Hanukkah thing every year. which would do to you? I do get felt fish I I yeah sometimes I kinda eat it okay. I don't know any of this like liver. Not only that was very nice Jewish anyway. Yeah I actually in all seriousness I. This is no joke on an episode of something I had to explain what Hannukah was to a group of people and I swear to God they had to stop the scene and Mike asked me to leave. Had somebody else do because I couldn't explain what was the what was it was show. Was it tennis. Grill is what is she going to do next year. When she's not turning twenty one is going to be an attorney twenty two Jordan turn something fifty seven steel bed? All right guys we wrap it up. This has been the dish with Trish. I'm the dish and I'm Joie next seven so listen.

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S3 | Episode 107: Surviving the The Jet Lag

PUT IT IN THE AIR PODCAST

1:35:23 hr | 10 months ago

S3 | Episode 107: Surviving the The Jet Lag

"Tapa charity the nonstop flight to travel this final destination. copilot's with what would I would i. Would I would welcome to episode one. Oh seven on the podcast. CAST governmental assess your back from Dubai or do boys D Joe Quick Shadow real quick to last last week's episode episode six. If you haven't quarter year deftly go cash that right now. I tuned our podcast. We also in desert tune in Stitcher are you to shell out. Hit that like definitely go. Check that episode. We WanNA shout out a less browder. Life goes less Brad Atlas browder. Thank you for doing the show. Also WanNa Shadow chardonnays Fox What is it director writer author Shawnise Fox? For during the show's well Greg conversations shuttled to both the catcher at with at sea rich Fox on I. Z. O.. Happy New Year Bro Breath. I missed Christmas New Year. Wave coming for your neck really wanted to. It can try. They WanNa just spot here. Shown on big sater's they could try it amen. This everybody ain't the aim then is wavy boys getting a passport stamps. Were tell them catch up so we haven't talked about how. How great is it true that how does trip was off the hook? It sure it was the it was like I I was like it was like a total of like I think I stayed in about three or four. Different hotels MHM Six flights Plane why just going from city to city and idea out there. I was in two hours in Lagos aware and Legalises off off the hook by Guslan irritated. craziest shit about legos. Like a lot of people don't like so like five. Am I'm leaving a club Eh. Five am dislike like daylight coming up like Tired Nazem say we've been out since like by ten PM. I I just going Like I'm tired club. Just walk it out. motherfucking David O is coming in with his entourage at five. Ram The Saudis. Really about to start. Now it'd be some other people that was there. It was just like Joe. He's decided he's coming in was entourage at five. AM So in my head. I'm like Yo Fuck you do in a club at five. Am Did you turn around. Go backwards counter man. WHO's to done? I was posted back home. No like back haul. I remember I remember when I was back home right at once. We got there like I let midnight was there to like two thirty three. I'm thinking is they like no we go somewhere else. We walk in their joint like four four and it was going up to like six. I'm telling you this time they're three something that was like they'll probably different and we got there late. I mean we got there like around like the. Irs Too. So I mean they're like mom dad location from like to like about five like dead ashes. Five am I looked at my shit. Uber's about a pull love and it's like Yo Mike. I'm bout a row. I'm tired I'm just tired and I was like and soon as like you're being do I contact at like. Suzanne was just about the door walking out. He's coming with his entourage contact. And I'm like AH ICON. I do coming here with us was like oh I'm saying like Mike. I'm not here it was five. Am Lie Yo. What are you GonNa do like what time these dudes going to sleep? Yoda's housing but the crazy shit like Do this club called Q.. Locks and show the Kula Q.. Locks key locks is like is war known tone. I get a chance to go to that one but they had a I think is a thirty six hour party. They had a thirty six hour party. Bush challenge baby dog. No COBB had a thirty six hour party meaning like for thirty six hours straight. Like like you can pull. I love anytime any day. The parties still going on for thirty six. Can't party that long but shots you go to like like the summer clue lucas stay. You can stay there if you want to know what I'm just saying. I can't Doodo for thirty six hours. But like when you said that made me thinking like the Soka crews and my brother premiered suet. The Jam Rock Crew Assumption. That negative party for five days straight. But are you trying to dance with the chick shake. That's been in the joint for five twenty four hour hour but see you look at it from that perspective. I'm looking at it in perspective. You can pull up and leave and come back and leave come back. That's but what about the ones that don't leave a raise. You crazy crazy Guy Oxmoor as you. Okay Okay Yeah you gotta phrase as crazy as crazy busy like that because of the time yeah like people travelling so you know. They don't know what time they come in. And I don't think sometimes times on different. I think I think you'll you'll partially right. I think For Niger is like that because of the time of the year but not the time zone is like there was a time because so many people are traveling becoming from somewhere. Where at five thirty in the morning I think but I don't see how they look at it from that perspective is like Yo like why have a day party and a party right was just like you got a close close like there's just keep this shit going on Let's just keep switching. Dj's is what I'm saying like. Just keep this shit going saying festivals. How days but I've I think I've heard of a party with a twenty for our joint nonstop remember? It might have been like here You might have been like a new on Air Claudio. Ah Yeah Yeah So. It's like so this salad I think. That's what like what motivated this show. We can keep this. We can keep this going and you ah dope Dennis. People can. I thought it was like I didn't get a chance to go to that one to go to the thirty six hour party. Whatever but the night that I was that I was GONNA go? I was is just too tired like it was just like I mean I just think they do parties different. It's like I remember being Jamaica comes on Sun coming up. Let me say this. If you call all any money in your pocket you can buy alcohol. So it's not even like last call for alcohol is II. Yo if you WANNA buy it they they just know that's what I'm saying that they do it differently lighter. I remember when I was in the same way. I we- was upstairs. Didn't they shut down upstairs in brought us down to put us at another table double seven morning. That's but that's Dallas good news nevertheless How's your New Year's simple simple? I heard lobby to simple mushroom lead. Going into the year said a prayer in the back in my join with similar to. I wanted to bring in this New Year. I've tried my last. Few new years have been different. Last year was a little different saying that was more special to me. You know what I'm saying. Just 'cause my POPs in the year before that I can recall Cole before that we kind of touched on that when we was like Yo like like the holiday seasons seems to be different for two thousand nineteen true the thing he is a Jewish saying it was Lee. Depends on who you are where you are in life right. Some people are very reflective place. That's where I wasn't December going into two twenty twenty so for two thousand nine hundred ten to twenty out more reflective state like looking at everything like look at where I've come from and looking everything and then really saying would whoo speak to you the loudest right in my shit ended up with me coming in in a very spiritual place down a meditation like cool like I was. It was like a situation like I've had some league party type joins but businesslike artist. High won't come in and I don't think I ever came into a year like this real. Focus your same here. Like I had like a like a going into New Year's Eve I had a dream or Some some thoughts where I woke up on New Year's eve like vision right with some perfect vision on what I want to do. So the fact that happened like New Year's Eve going into the new year I was like okay now. He's got a plan of Execution Day. So it's all AH doing that yet. So it's a wrap up of like everything that happened. Two Thousand Nineteen now less package it up less turns into into some. You know when you talk about. I think I think what the theme that I'm getting from both of you guys a moment of reflection and I did a lot of reflecting on flights and I felt like the flying from Dubai to DC is like four hours and he meant you can sleep all all you want but just going to be moments when you just said there every single thought of was going on your life is GonNa come to mind and a lot of my reflect the moments Usually when I'm on a flight and you just start thinking about everything that's going on so those those are the times that I used those moments to reflect and when I got back here A pretty much like I. I was focused like I spent my New Year's here in DC and I I know exactly the strategy approach twenty twenty with. I'm how to how to approach it with there's more counter like like yeah I'm GonNa Execution Mode so right now it's hot news right move. I got a text the next day like January one shadow. It he was a son who had a similar top ten goldfish Ebay Amazon. You mind got keep me cattleman. Keep you nice and I was like okay. Okay okay okay I know I did. I got no that energy's energy all at once so I was GONNA ask real quick. Would you would it like if you donate one thing. You looking forward to use as executioners anything that she would say like would be like something you look forward touchy. I think there's a few things like personal will family that happened this past few days that That counter like the counter like has brightened up my new year. Yeah so And I think is debt to keep that relationship consistent is one of the things that I wanNA get Accomplished this year and that's when a family live on our professional side or whatever is just it's like no you know just cadillac seek other opportunities and stuff like that and just like China executed not necessarily like put the pressure on myself to be like Yo. They must be this. What is this like a professional side or whatever just charter charter? Seek be more proactive. In an in whatever opportunities Dad Dad that I see that that would elevate me to twenty twenty one is what I'm saying like the moment of reflection of next six year would not be as as long as as this year was is what I'm saying what you I watched that Kevin Hart joined I. I had seven and watch the I started. Wash their Kevin. Hart join bad. motherfucker works hard hard when you watch disjointed and be like Yo this motherfucker is moving. And he has his hands in a lot of different things and me wanting to start. Executing food was one thing. But it's like Yo- you don't even have time to be titled Being Higher is not. It's like excuse like it's no way that another human being gene can do this and you can true like even if you do have you working harder than a lot Because this is working with what you said you'll know exactly watching I'm GONNA watch tonight. I started watching that as an expert. I felt when I watch dolemite so like I got introduced. The story of dolemite several several years ago. Dave on fifteen sixteen because his uncle's put him onto it amd watching it. You know what I'm saying but for comedic standpoint right then when I watched a movie movie or the one with the Netflix that Eddie date although laissez May Hindu adjusted he do dolemite that well which I can understand that if you if you watch I stole my. Ucla completely different spirit. Exactly I should be. But like Eddie was paying Omar to it so for me I get it. He wanted people to recognize a no. Who might is is and I think that it makes me want to go back and see who was due when I watched a Dolemite Join I? I won't point. I couldn't stop it. Just think about his hustle like in greater we didn't get to see like the actual hustle. But it's like Obviously but for me was the part that this dude who is working and I- job trying to get someplace and then his life change because he kept bed no himself and when he better himself like the whole time he was looking for opportunity. Look at somebody give him some and the moment he started taking like fucking created. You know what I'm saying to Ford for do say I'm create. My own album is one thing but then to go back and say I'm a Redo my whole situation because I've been doing me for a while. So let me really absorbing. Some people don't think he stole the way he said he stole but let's just say he stole the way he stole he borrowed from somebody else's in-in build off. He already does the fact that he was willing to reinvent. Them's reinvent himself really. showed me something something. Like how humble do you have to be to see what you are offering and say you know what I'm dismantle this in rebuild off the strengths that I have in create something new to go ultimately where I wanna go and then go further to bet on himself to do something. It hasn't been done like every time. He's doing something like this what he's are doing the movies for him to be moving data one day and be like fuck. I can't do this. You're crazy. Before Agreements Stanford rooms read the four agreements agreements. I think more people need to start reprogramming themselves real. How crazy is it that like I feel like a lot of people? He will feel at this moment of clarity in their life. And we're in Twenty Twenty Twenty Twenty Vision Sina hashtags allowed me not wanting to just hop on that bandwagon and wagon but still having that same feeling not feeling like like me waking up like okay. This is what I need to do. Yeah I gotTA write this shit down and and just do it. I think On my stories around New Year's Eve I was early that more because I was working on night. Enam warning that through the whole day I was worker and I think I posted on my stories at one point to stop. Who's taking a break outside of Po Post and for some reason I posted the word? moult okay right. 'cause I was thinking like by shedding shit like literally setting coming into a new skin like you know what I'm saying incumbent into a new version of myself. Whatever we all you know? Am I gonNA get into scientific part of it but the idea of you've been going going going and then you just said everything like I'm gonNA break up out of this is gonNA hurt. Am I even whatever whatever moat like just totally transformed into a new not new book. I knew but new new but not new of you like like to the point. Where if somebody was to give me tell me Yo you actin real brand new right now like you know what thank you like? That's how I was feeling like Yo you if a Nigga ain't telling you yo you actin row brand new Dwayne do what you do experience molting right. I'm saying like our ECONO- want debt right like just a moment. TALION approach into like being more intentional about people in relationships in everything and I. I've been person who'd been China Juggle Master Lawsuit But what You Matha Juggling lies or just in general like trying to make everything fit right in saying is sometimes it ain't even about trying to make everything fit is is by saying. Let me reduce my services like let me just put that aside like I'd rather not even juggle and even possibly fumbled. Let me just become. Let me simplify this instead of Juggle Fifteen juggled three that because you can't Juggle fifteen but this is better to juggle three and be cool and be contained tainting at three. I want office too because this is something that I took away from. My reflection is remove people's feelings from how you live your life dog Taoist joint From last episode. When she said that she hit me like great she was saying? It's a courtesy like forty one and get to that point but to think about the idea of like separating emotions Sion's from Your saying but but isn't that what I've always said that like I feel like to do so or I mean like like we have to be emotionally finally selfish and when I say that you had to be emotionally selfish is like you have to consider your emotions. I before like you put other people's emotions abotions ahead of us and when I say that I'm not saying that in a sense like you need to be an asshole or something like that or you just need to intentionally hurt the people. But it's just like as like I've had several conversations conversations with people and they just be like but they will say this about me all like I don't want people to think this about me or whatever but I'm just saying is that if you keep pandering to how someone feels about a situation where you you put your emotion behind is what I'm saying. Then he's like what you have to be selfish. You have to be because fan because if you're not you're biggest fan or whatever like you put someone else's motion ahead of yours and now you'll suffering. You'll go through all this pain because of that because you put someone else's feelings head of yours true let me like Year in wrap up a good murder. How do I feel about that joint? Listen to ever heard that ten minutes Ted he. He had a point to me. Takashi got buried in until like seventy four her carseat daylight I said sounds I said before. 'cause we always talk about the air we always talk about the joined the Rapa this is what his fourth is four time parcel. I'd even listen to it. I feel so bad like the skills needed to give it up like he needed to wrap it up like it's not like he's gotTa pass the torch Burgers big man. y'All murdered like ten minutes of I mean he detached are like I don't know if he really don't fuck you Precaution Russian Machel came out of really. Just don't fuck with her guarded. All would I researched research as a lot. It's behind the no no no he. Let Me Fuck K.. Michelle likes like Don. It's a lot I mean it. You saw US remember slob interview saying breakfast. I've interviewed like when he went in her and it was. It was a lot of light personal shit. It like he went. It'll her about the personal shoot. I don't even think it was him. I think somebody that he knows at the outlet was made. It was made so so so now murder thing is like you know what we attached forever came out against meeting now. We are attached for evidence in saw. Aw Ruin for. He mentioned how she capable of Takashi and K. Michelle came on social media. So he was like Bob Coming at because you can let your child joint. It we'll talk about is like this is on Takashi. Note or whatever I don't want to like this guy's coming out with twenty twenty like the summer musically right. Yeah who do you guys think of what. What is number is is GonNa look like or just in terms of like what what is he's going to put Larry on look great numbers? He's going to be like this why I think we we had this conversation before about the chain hip hop I think less was less. LEXA says something to disregard shot. LEX he Says something I think said I regard about how like even the way hip hop is being consumed and who is predominantly being consumed by makes me believe that he's going to do great numbers. I think he's going to be appealing to an audience that don't Value Street Value Chief C. Street values is going to make him go knock. Can't fuck with them right. I disagree with Tehran. Disagree with you I I think y disagree with you. I think I think in this day and age. It's not just people still values values in Code But people have common incense and I think the common sense dealing with millennials. Or whatever is like they've question. Why when you look at Takashi story was going on like the how what what was trying to happen to him is what I'm saying? Is that people feel the need like well if if if if it's okay for our John Lucas who's afraid white. Frankly Frank Lucas Frank Lucas to snitch on crooked cops was it right. I'm just saying if it's if like if it's okay for him to snitch on crooked cops by people like then why is it okay for me not to snitch on people that were trying to kill me saying so. It's like these are people that I fed is what I'm saying Takashi candidate because he was put money on Niggers as ah the reason why. He admitted that he admitted it can't be great now. But I'm just saying it's not about being the whole point is when you put money on. Do Not really into cash right. I saw this wage if Takashi was just a trailer rapper and didn't get involved in that thing that led to their shoes right if he didn't lead if that none of his actions was involved in that that I- giddy right. That's like Safar Darwood homeboy jumped on or they robbed him. Whatever if he snitched? I'm not saying it's okay. But I wouldn't look at it. Through alligator cash she's Akashi Kashi became complicit in the same activities. Yeah so for him. It's real station because it's like people say it's common sense but it's like bread like would if if that was really carried out what if that hit you put out that money really kill homeboy. Dan Do we saying oh common sense. He's Knicks Nah. Now now I I I get what you're saying and I think most people would be like well if if once you try to kill me then all bets off but I like you said. But he's he's playing in a boss position. Yeah he's the one point thing is now so if someone's trying to get you stay character stay in that roll stay so now you need to be that same enforcer to get sure revenge back in the streets the way that she was doing it on your own but again I I totally the are group which you to like. I agree with certain degree but I just think like I another perspective. I look at the cost you situation as as like I look at it. Look at this guy this guy. I don't have any money right at somebody. I don't have anyone who's locked up And and you day in prison right now as as we speak this difference of like you can tell your freedom cry you can tell get your freedom. I make make about ten million dollars. Because he's GonNa make some GonNa make a lot of money so my third about like I don't know anyone who's locked up right now now not somebody who's not at lac saint no as right though. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying it's like when opportunity presents comments swam to make that move. 'cause anyone your all locked up right now right if you tell right you get to come out and get money. That's some new shit. I I think part fucks it up for me. The money by the Qassam people could go. If it's just my freedom is like fuck it. I don't care cause I'm just a walking dead man any streets or whatever the prospect checking but it's like if a check. I can do this this this that I can protect myself all angles or whatever by people locked up right now that will tell so. Was that when you look at it. Tablets which is like the The earning potential of this guy to come out or whatever whereas like Yo consume is it. I don't WanNA judge even if the consumer primary can is not street is the is the industry people as the interview. I've got four things different but wait. I understand that was like the interviewed has got to happen right. Like he's gotta get that if if it's interviews position right in polarity or whatever like shit. Write a book about it doing no I get it from a capitalistic Listrik Mindset. I'm saying he will sell right but what I'm saying is all I'm saying is take question. He will sail. Because of the those that consume the music and the predominant consumers are individuals that don't have the perspective of you were complicit Khoja accountable or Machida as such or you should be able to borrow a block right so they they wanna hear them and they're gonNA big him up because they just Takashi to fight with the cash they're going to still see he real right now. See that way you get in kidnap extorted or whatever that's part of the game because he was a part of that gang what I'm saying you knew he was around. You knew she was into neutral dawn when it got super real food union the real consequences of it. You took the easy way out. And I know that they knew you wasn't built for that. Or CANASTA only reason. I street like that like The people I do know they always say this. They said this to me before like Joe. You Ain't in their world you've got nothing to worry about. If you were now world you've got some were about you waiting to now world you ain't got into were about and that's that like civilian my state like if you assume yeah they will look at it. Like may homeboy civilian so because he's a civilian just don't apply to him but if he wasn't than anything we didn't come with the game he can get your what I'm saying so for me not to talk about Takashi. He went at Takashi. Like five seven times join. You know what I'm saying. So but overall I shouted Okamoto because he he delivered he delivered and he sat on. It was a good song. I hope it gets more would more whatever because it's unfiltered is like the did you WanNa say did you say or the big. Is Anybody saying he says it the Que Michelle stuff. I'm kind of like an attached Pashto. He won't keep saying because at this point is I think it's like a big fuck you saying like it's one of those As you talk about that since Komo 'cause we talk about jail and snitching and all other stuff has got caught this surviving r Kelly No but I I gotta yeah I got a I heard what dame have to say who they bash racer In regards to our Leah and had I just I so clearly. That what this new seasons focusing on I know he was water. People in the aftermath I think about the aftermath and and while he's is the aftermath of what happened last season and is new women. I've seen a lease. Are they never to episode. Oh four what is the point. What what I think is the after mass and it's also the revelation of how deep this goes roker? But you look at it like Mike Vick when I finish I said Mike vehicle all over. They're going through because granted. There's a lot of other people that aren't getting a light such such as Harvey Weinstein and so forth that way round ground now they are doing what about Epstein on lifetime. That's coming out soon but what I feel bill like the one I Mike Vick. They're going to use r Kelly and what he did in how he moved etc to to sign the light on it in a way that it will empower women who have been victimized or individuals. In general who doc and also the way even started and also shed light on people who were victims themselves who ended ended up becoming victimisers. I think when it's all said and done we'll probably have a better idea what their aim was but do do episode four like they started off kind of like what his brothers others and they talk about him and then they reveal those parts about his life debt were known but not known the woman he was involved with. They heard about it. I'm saying and is in the documentaries. One point where the woman said at incurs it was Jamila Africa. Her last name or something like that but her she says something about is Ma women like as targets or whatever right and I think it was an overreach but I think it was a reach like oh he was choosing these laws black girls because he wouldn't they are due to a white girl and then I thought about it inane about black white or indifferent. I thought about it like this. He's looking for himself would he. So in in the episode one to you kind of understand that things have shaped him was he was molested by like Oh. They called my uncle with uncle. Henry I think something like that. Like a neighborhood elder ground. There was like a nice guy coming giving out food and looking out for people but his brother explained how all three of them was in this House one day and he had boxes on. He pulled his join now honing in all over each other to run out the house but that same remain eventually got to the point. He said that one day R Kelly ran upstairs and told his mother and then the Neighborhood Hood beat up this guy to. He said to the pointed his younger brother said they do is gin jumped outside getting his work and the point of police showed up. They even waited a little bit longer before they arrested do right. Dan even arrested Uis. There was beating them up and he Said would happen is eventually in that case a charged with foul but the guy bribe the mother like five thousand dollars to not show up or whatever the case on Kelly's our Kelly's mom took the bread. They didn't show up the In Do Gado of right but the thing about it was they talk about this guy right. Dan and they talk about where they just kind of describe his character he was a quote unquote fall into the purpose of Nice Guy. You know looking out for people treating people well doing for others right. I don't for those in the neighborhood that didn't have it then. His younger brother described sisters abuse right and she may describe it from the perspective of what the younger brother experience where he said. The sister pushed him on the bay to started unzipping his pains in and got on top of his biological sister biological logical Sexual Abuse Them. Yes and it happened to the younger. The youngest brother I think Kerry in also happened arrive so he was like this happened me. I couldn't understand like he. He couldn't he couldn't. He can only imagine what happened. Rob Because he said the thing about it was he knew days she was held him like our rob will have to stay in the house us right but the Dingo body which is interesting. He said there was a town where his older brother right. I think his name is Bruce asked him about sex so whatever and he said Yeah I got some. He was talking about like almost like I'm experienced. And he wasn't like ashamed of that experience per se now now when I look at just the with the younger brother said in terms of the forcefulness the aggression that had the sister had authority that she had. And then you listen to a story that these women talk about. I feel like he's become the combination of those that preyed on him in addition to that the women he's looking after the women are just like him he's able to spot himself in these women so he's looking for himself and he's go where he knows he's not looking for susy. Becky amy whatever or whomever. He doesn't have what you're looking for him says. Oh it's not it's not A. It's not a horatio component is looking for himself because he would know what Allie tire. A young Robert will be vulnerable. So he's just looking for like that young Robert and a person that girl now one me once you cash in on her your way like he does like the elder dude by taking care of them. Yeah I buy you this. I Take Care of Fiji Bilo Blah. I look after you. I'm GONNA be sweet. Cmu County. I'm a token I make sense. You all talking about how they go talk to him once he got you he got he no. He got the recipe. He knows your weak points. The me about you the Dennis I me about a lot of Crime of R. Kelly happening nineties all right. Well technically and the nineties early two thousands of stuff like that to minors. And this this it's like the this is not the era of emails like cellphones. Were not that prominent back then. And I'm just I just think about how much time alone that this adult had would small kids without parental supervision. So it's just like and I'm like he's he's he's he's the perpetrator situation but he he's not the only perpetrator he's you're right. He's not alone in this. He's not alone loaning even like even like I'm a big fan or whatever and I'm just kind of all right. Yeah I like earlier like I like Elitists I'm not. WELL WATCH ROMEO MINNESOTA. Let me say that I I just like a few songs. Was the songs off. Big Leafing Big Fan. I'm I'm GonNa Leah Fantasy fancier a pen tap is like a artist or something like paint a picture of Owen together at your best is my best. You love so anyway Is this like your like this Elliott. Demi she was an artist is what I'm saying like dead. People like went ahead saying what. It's cool for this fifteen-year-old I'll think they said it was cool out all know the situation behind. Let me say something that marriage the marriage was not was not just prior to it. Happening right other people knew about got it. I think it. I'm just saying Mary to hire guys. Among you guys are my dues right now right so if word is out like you. I am about to Mary. fifteen-year-old right now prior like this should have happened tomorrow. I really feel like there's GonNa be a lot of pushback tell you so what I'm saying. So not around him. That's what I'm saying. So my the whole point is about is like this like yo the day before this happened. Nobody like IOS said nothing dog. Then he around yes-men he still worked with her family. The ATHOL Amazon. Just say uncle I think was a anr manager type dude. That's how he met Ali. I think hankers and bigger Hankinson. The whole point is is. He's around yes men. He's putting so much money in everybody's pocket. He's a cash cow for the label. He's putting so much money in people's pockets everybody around him as a yes person he said the security everything Joe here to woman worker from. Yeah I gotTa see you. When I say a logical a lot separating logic from emotion you had to see their face? Their faces were no emotion. No emotion like I wouldn't be around. They were saying Sadie but you can tell. The words or coated like sick could have been going on is locked up now Zeon Bell. He locked out he locked up. He never coming out in. My whole thing is as long as they go after say. Mike Vick pita seen an opportunity to draw awareness into berry somebody and did an an an and they was able to us. Mike Vick Nick for their cause right and I think in this we talk about the predatory behavior would amend against women down to even right now with just The the the sex trafficking and things of that nature. They're going to use the whole story to make this happen. I was looking at this. I the the thing that bothers me the thing that bothered me the most about it right forget the pedophile this. I looked at it. What the adults he you went wrong and half the will he went wrong? He was dead as wrong with the abuse. Locking them up separating them did like totally totally taken them. Away like leveraging affectionate emotions. They had preying on an and then practicing behavior it was super predatory supergrass like it would just the worse because he knew they could think their way out of the situation so he had he was taking their mind whereas the younger girls it was he. He knew what it took to manipulate them because he knew what it took to manipulate him. It hurt so he used that against them so he didn't have to do. They was youngest from the hub project. Staying have bread like that. They broke I give a couple of hundred is like you some money offer money to your family. I could take advantage of that then. Any like okay. I can't do this no more. But how do I control them because a kid you control them mentally for the most part would the things that they like the shiny objects But as a woman matures is going to be more so her heart than it's going to be the motto Mencia but the hard part he was leveraging nat. Does it appointed like the day was behaving however like the one girl that I think they review. I think she was talking now half or so long chamberlain But she didn't have nothing do gave her the opportunity of a lifetime to the celebrity and she was just talking about what that meant for how he how he behaved like the big brother something she didn't have a he cared so everything she didn't have he was that you'll got nobody to care about you. I care about unanimity putting money in your pocket. I'm putting money pocket. And she wouldn't even need real money. She was happy to be around and when he broke her spirit like when he no longer was the big brother like he treated her like his sister treated treated him and it broke her all the way Dachsie. Like Damn like I told you my story. I told you I've been through. You knew everything. You did exactly what happened to me so when I watch it. That's all I'm saying like damn by. He's the fucked up part about it for me. The most is that you can see the intention in the brain. He knows exactly what he's doing like he knows he knows exactly who he has to do it too in anybody that he knows exactly how to play it so. That's the shit about this whole joint. When I watched it I was like let me ask a question is there is a question Still on our topic and No does the first tape that came out in early two thousands and And he was acquitted on a case right and I think what kind of like on rival this whole snowball effect right now is. Is the date enough to younger friends. So my Ted about is like do you was helped shine a like the press will relentless edit because of that or whatever is light the three join it finally came on the dot. Yeah so and that's another thing that's me I'm like like Kelly. Like because he was married he was married after he got married he got divorced and nobody knew who he was married to that tonight to his wife ex wife came on TV show. I was married to Arcane for years hidden and nobody knew I felt like yo Bro. You got away with murder. You came back again and started like like dip a your foot on that warriors away with it again. Our thanks so the reason why I say because like I haven't seen this new season but it seems like this. Actually it worked in their their favorite the first one but my backfired is because the humanizing him and now we in this in this time of mental health issues. Someone's is going to do a deep dive. Study into the psychology of R Kelly. And it's GonNa wind in his fault his brother you said something in joint He said that one data with Stanton they would like together and I think it was the plaque poster or a video of him I think the twelve point and he said the Kelly. To- him Yo. That motherfucker right there like that Nigga model like that and you see a picture of yourself of you be like Dat do right. There was another one where like he was I think one is his other brother was talking about how he was talking about like himself. Kind of third person but what I got from it is like it a case could be made somebody the mighty may try to make the case that the R Kelly persona is that person is is an alter ego in which is taking over him. Because I think he said that's what he said. He brought a pass it to the house. He heard his overheard his brother talking to the pastor and telling him telling the pastor astor the woman passer how he was struggling in fighting but this person is just like he can't stop himself but he was looking at his tapes like Jack Ohio types of the G. I think everybody says that though like you might see a picture like a back in the days pick to be like Yo. That's a bad ass nigger right there. Man I agree I agree so I agree. I didn't see the movie but everybody loved the joke right the the movies Oakland jokey. Hey Yeah makes you start the thing when you watch the YO R Kelly. The socio bad he is but the same way with this new new joke like people started to connect with him on a human level sand the flaws in themselves to excuse certain but you know the funniest that you say that like I ended up. I love the job. The new jokes like I love the movie and to me like and gave me a different perspective on on on joker but it gave me a whole different perspective. And I see what you're saying and I think with this situation where Kelly that might be true that people might look at it and say like you know what there's still women who who never going to give them. This is yeah yeah. Of course. It's do people that are still play the music and then about music and we can talk about that a little bit then about music. Is this once music. Created effect on you right. Fuck could affect this created is saying buy if you hear anything about that person or whatever. It doesn't change how you feel about the music that is not like I I tell you this is so fucked. Me Up. Lyrics looks different different lyrics or whatever you choose not to sing it or not is what I'm saying. Yeah but I'm just saying but once like a beat or whatever when you start dissecting his lyrics like okay is he talking about a child which is still has not been proven like at that point when you start but if it's not about that if it's not even like looking at the lyrics it's just the fact of Gu Philip Music or whatever it is to change that I I think it's Fox talks to use them like Africa. What it is but Tony Rock was on this show and on the show he was saying he's bill cosby ahead? Talking about how bill cosby comedian was great one of the Best Avenue and talking about Bill Cosby from the show and everything else in how especially with his comedy. Comedy is hard. You know what I'm saying because of that national hearing all this and I thought about that when I was thinking about the r Kelly muted part and I feel I feel like the differences between the bill cosby in a in an R. Kelly right is that bill. He was able to play roles They made you see him outside of his comedy in in a way that you liked. Yoda's the Dubai different world. This is the dude behind fat. Albert is the do behind the cosby. Show all these shows that kind of shaped your idea whether a black family black father. We grew up with them in a way that we've seen him in a light even some of his movies movies and a lot of the things that the other side that seems darker. Whatever is like we're now contrast what we've characterized his being who he is a person? Say where I think with music. You really never really get to know the artists dry. You just get to the artist's mind by out. Here are Kelly though the goal which you're saying that who we think are Kelly is outside the music mimics what he saying in the heat so he comes across as this extra freaky type do now you know this really. No comparison is just like that Free Gets D. birth so we not even like bill cosby. I grew up watching. Bill cosby puts pop's fame. I WANNA model the way I parent after visit. They do to the kids on his me type. You know what I'm saying like so when they told this this This this whole thing out there bills. Doing it's Kinda like damn now. I don't know how to feel gay bar. Kelly dislike we now. We understand that shit. Oh twelve play so so. That's why I say I wouldn't playing twelve times can change the way I hear that because now I don't I don't have a good guy to go against but I think I think I think I think what the reason why I've said like music evokes emotion but it's hard for that emotion to change once once Once that has settled I think the reason. Why r Kelly situation is different because of the type of crime that he's accused of Committed yeah so that. That's what makes it a little bit different. Because it's like if r Kelly made Like your favorite rock and roll band and And you look at that rock band or whatever so if r Kelly made that If I can make those type of music or whatever and not sexual sexual innuendoes type music you that that film will still be there because it's like a whole different different type of music so but just because the the sexuality of his music and and the crime he's accused of doing is making it feel like go hand like if I was thinking about it when you said I know that I have the lyrics are so for me I look like what is your Muse right. As I mentioned the bill cosby thing right because bill sewed himself to be somebody else do the characters he played on TV and otherwise and he and all other things he did that you had that conflict when you see this is like how could this person who does that it does do this now. Here's the thing though. What R Kelly? The reason why I have a problem listen to his music now. Right is because not all all his music right but just overall is because I see I feel like I see his muse and amuse was in. I have a problem saying it's like we heard Joe to see freaking. You was about a ten year old girl. Casey was in love with or Casey was tricking. You be a harder stone. Saying that's true a hard ass Donovan Digest. Because you like I know. In the reason why I said irony uncle murder Rapa talked about talented Creator funk flex talk about having hot but sex with a man you're like uh-huh me and flex so so so for me. It's like I'll start thinking of people like Frank Elgin. I was thinking about that too. Because you you incorporate yourself into the music like you take on the persona of the artists so you say if it's freaking you and all of a sudden like wait wait. MRI singing about girl to hold on. I'm just GonNa stay away from completing. Take me back to when I was talking about with Yano beyond say like. How are your Hoffa meeting? No Lick 'cause I know they're Muse. They're talking to a man to talk to a boy back in a using the words at Frank Ocean. It's the same thing run around my hey boy or whatever but what he does a wordplay with that type of shit you re without. I heard this. Aw Aw like say like Joe Blow trying to tell you that she's crazy. Say I'm GonNa Tell You why Allah uh-huh Frank Olson. Try to whatever you know. I fought with frank like pulse but I I do on that now. You're back on Frank Ocean Journal. Whatever like the way I listen swim good is different? It's going to swim. Good bye bye Joe. I guess the big get a mind like come on now is going through but like a certain things where you don't necessarily take on the persona of the artist lettuce you can ignore it like this. Do having trouble singer. Yana like a map. Pretended to be reunited. That's not going to be something that I'm not GonNa take me there mentally but like a song of do sing and suddenly to a woman and that kind of is about like like some perverted stuff with keys. or it's about another man is going to fuck your head off. Does she is be hard is stay attach that should like I ain't GonNa lie to you like like watching like like really Kinda fucked up. We would know lifetime lifetime that Shit I fucked me up. You know what I'm saying because like Seed and I and I think my in real life is like the move like that like Oh Kelly not like an art. Kelly like the young but like the manipulation. I remind me of somebody I know in in how they move with certain written in this go go further into a blade a reminded me that individual and then it's like damn into the trauma and two CDs like Yells Damn Joe Circumstances different. Intentional is as good that shit like if we all we oughta a person. We'll talk about all right resolved day. Check this out right so I think it was John batchelor shave room whatever baller. There was a story about a dude who woke up to an intruder. His pocket his toes Arizona influence. It was another main right. It should just got fucked. 'cause I'm listening to read. I'm reading the joint. And they like the he he. He woke up to Dorney punched him dragged him out the house. Bima then ran back into house to call now. One uh-huh why he's in the House or whatever the dude is like bashing out a smashed now his windows Carwyn show right so I'll like anymore itself. I got here. Why would I why we're told me? Why are you going to like listen? You got caught. You just got meet up. Now you're gonNA smash the car is up like what's going on man somebody of you but that's the funny shit though. What if you go to suck your toes you like I would be is you? I think that's it will make me freeze like what you're speaking of that freezing. I might just came up to a story story. What if you woke up to something? You got a story to tell you gotTa yeah. That's very popular among your mind to right. You got a story to tell ought talk to me. You woke up and the car and the car jeff join is there. Joe Dash was clean and Dan and to the people observing it. It was so bizarre that nobody knew how to handle the efforts. Like I didn't know how to handle all right well like I I was like so. Yeah this is what happened is as many many years ago. I was in college but I know I was in college right at the time. So you know. I've been up studying working but are you still promote so we inside the party or you buy good. Look I hit my my man. My Man Jeff had had his car parked outside so I was like. Oh I need to go. And you're counting ticket NAT- you know what I'm saying like why the party going by going on I go in the car. What's what's your dinner now? Wasn't they're going to car. I go in his car. Not Sitting half some passion inside my car solid fun. Let me just goes in pass inside guiding the peasants. Since I was so tired I didn't even realize I didn't lock the door right so I'm sleeping. I don't even know how long I'm sleeping. And it felt like a fucking dream Roy by somebody opened the driver's side the driver's side door in sat down next to me. So I wake up and as I'm like Yo your wake-up but you kind of like what the drowsy but I'm like what the fuck is going on. It was a homeless. Do Right so he had the big blinky right dead They may get warm here. But I'm not in hindsight. I know what it was but for hit a big overcoat. That's what it looked like. And then he put his hand like he gestured through the woods sinning like Yo like he's got a gun the chill out like Chaloba why he saying that would his offhand. He's like looking for something like he's looking for money chain so as I'm coming to I noticed it but the drawing Latte you know what I'm saying so I like instantly hop out the car like home home and I run right back cross street like Yo amazing and everybody's like what the fuck like. I'm I'm like wait. What where the Doog isn't a cop? Like what do the do the do. He's in the car he stayed in the car. He'll inside the car so you know we. Aw come out the venue approach do do give it up a little. Think he got he got beautiful. I could not I believe I could. I could not believe it but the thing was I just woke up. Like what the fuck. He was a second year toes now whereas no witness that we all know. But I'll tell you this down. Game mccown locked issue now could happen like out of a blur. You know what I'm saying. Dan like out of a blur. So when I when I read this story that's all I can think about like. Oh like that first moment. Instant like Daimyo like Out will be like fucking frozen. I think something physical you would react physical. I don't think the brain can't kick him no. Oh I think that's probably what you would do like them. I don't think like physically. Something touching you like the same way. It's brush up against you. Don't know what it is you automatically starts. It's war on you so you feel something on your feet you wake up. You're not gonNA necessarily think somebody's suck Amato's there's something my league game so you might start kicking the shit at. There's like what the fuck you're saying there but the shit about it was just crazy when I would like Dan induced are smashes Wyndham. Leo something else going going on Yeah Eh. Intruder like like light skinned speak to his feet. Is it takes a special connection to another human human being that you want to tell sucking your toes and then I'm so mad that you made me stop I'm going to go to your car's windows rose asked us on. That's just crazy so not back to our Kelly but the combination of those two right made me think of this question right here with his idea idea and I want to know which I think about this watch Nash. It made me say to myself we as human beings holds holds so much inside and I want to know why do you think that is protecting yourself from judgment which is a fact and it is like fair rejection. Fear being excluded from from From wherever group that you feel like you belong so which ultimately speak about what Tony just add protection. You WANNA protect yourself. And that's why we high I think like now now with With the Internet social media like people are starting to find themselves in a position where they can attach himself to groups. Then don't they don't feel alone. That's why I feel like it's a lot of a lot of freaking focus is coming out of the woodwork. Right now because they they they don't feel alone like they used to. Now they don't even if it was a free situation. My man felt brave enough to start sucking on the strangest toes. Because just what is your like real talk in his mental health care and you know what I'm saying. I think it's a great thing you know what I'm saying. It s something. I'm really looking into how not to hold in so much right so so like I went to Jones comedy during what she did at one at theater and she was talking Mashi fifty plus and she just don't give a fuck no more and always hit as the people get older certain age is the fucking shows up out of nowhere right. They just comes in. They really lit at Shit. Like fucking like fuck it. Fuck it all sage say dude. You're going to ban fuck it. You know what I'm saying. Or what have you. And they start releasing shit the chains that you put on yourself and I was thinking about shifts like Damn Yo like. How do we change that as society do we start with? I mean obviously we gotta get into the babies. But how do we change that like like I just feel like damn I wish like a magic wand or I do need a similar I think some things we need to stay inside your head in you work your way through and I think you know the whole fucking mentality I think as is appropriate at fifty because like at that at fifty sixty s appropriate. Have that fucking talented. Because at that moment or whatever like you've tried getting try multiple time to change the course of of within this going and and it's not working but I think early twenties or whatever that you I mean. It's good to be confident in your decision. Making say like I've made that decision to stick to it but the fucking mentality should not be the primary goal like fuck fuck it because at that moment or whatever you haven't really lived you haven't really tried no you don't show your ego run awhile and then there's no wisdom to guide you on it. Yeah when you're fifty and you saying fuck it at least you know that. There are several other outcomes. The main like you probably experienced it. You've seen it witnessed it whereas someone young or like safe teenager saying fuck. It might relieved to some Takashi Ashi type situation exactly no I wasn spectrum the way I was looking at it from the perspective of these children who are getting bullied into commit suicide for people who experience some form of hardship in a in a close up to the world And they don't feel they feel worthless and things like that because they made mistakes in Judgment Right A. brings me back again. casualness the the girl. Faith has she's like even like even right now like she she feels like a disappointment to our pops like. She don't even want to even be like she is difficult between. I'm GonNa tell you this. Take a look at things in a spectrum like like DNA right when you look at the way a DNA is broken down or whatever is so many different. I forgot what they called. But it's not just one so many different things that chromosomes zones that that that That that makes up your DNA right right now. Now when you look at our situation is that what led up to him being who he hits a and that goes for every one of us what led up to us being who we today is multiple. Vince you understand what facts so so. That's what I'm saying like. It's not a matter of like when kids are being bullied and when kids are committed suicidal whatever's like the bullying is. The is the last issue but this other multiple issues that when you trace back and all these kids life that could have been correct. It is what I'm saying that that decadent corrected that people chose not to like like correct is what I'm saying. And they're going back to our Kelly. Merrin DEYSI DEYSI marital Leah Right. If it happened today. Yesterday there were people that knew that district happen today the day before that somebody knew about all of this I will stop with. Everybody chose not to do anything. That's what I'm saying and and those are grown people there was around. It didn't say fucking like fuck defected. Disney has given Amihai job fucked affected. This dude is like I was thinking about it when I'm all maybe they did say he gave me a job. Fuck let them do whatever he wanted to know but not like fuck it and do the right thing. That's like fucking and be free to writing now fucking free free to do the most self serving but fuck it to be doing the right thing when I'm saying that I'm saying from the perspective of so many people don't allow the light to shine because of the decision which they made or the circumstances that they experienced to date say fuck it they take ownership of that like. How do we like the whole time watching? I don't have to answer. I'm not asking for the answer. But that's the only thing kept him. How do we get people or what can be done to get people? Obviously Derby to you get to a place where they say fucking like. I'm not like suck it. I'm a love myself enough to write by myself. Phil what I'm saying. That's all I kept thinking the whole time. You know what I'm saying like people a lot of these especially these women they knew they were being mistreated like one woman was said this. She was helping gig of the girls. Rose she was around for a while but she had a goal. She wanted to be this singer right and she felt like maybe how they do. Because she's a young girl like fifteen at I. She was like this is what I gotta do. I maybe I got to see what maybe I gotta just let him do whatever he do whatever whatever because maybe this is the way to get on maybe this is the road right even though everything in her with like. He's in his thirties. Like twenty five thirty at the time and might decide. WHO's putting his fifteen year olds around now? I I feel like you have united driving like somebody's drop off again. He's going he's he's meeting this one one girl. He met her through the school or better at the McDonalds when the school like he was in like this. He's he is who he is at this point. He's is r Kelly so at this point where he's coming around anybody and everybody is like Yo. That's R Kelly. But he's gravitating to these women who are caught up into stardom and they're caught up into whoever they believe him to be right and they just want to be around him and honesty they got crush on these artists they criminally celebrities are forbid they won't have any babies what I'm saying you think about a younger who's impressionable in all these other things and they they're no different than a twenty four or thirty thirty or they're not I mean right now. Who if that if Eisley brothers were performing their draws on stage grandma will serve regardless that is that they? They're throwing them on stage right. All of us is is is is a learned behavior so I think it goes back to the programming. The teaching And I don't think that these girls were taught how to love themselves in an appropriate way. Yeah all learn how to how to reject superficial bullshit. Like I don't. I don't think that we're where we're I think. Now women raising our kids we have to teach them about someone. Being a Predator ever back shadow to cut your Tony set to be honest is that I saw his land interview and he talked about We had to kick out the one of the Jagged Edge dudes out of the tour four bus for hitting on Bianca and Kelly and for harassing them on a bus is what I'm saying. And he said I had the fiduciary duty to protect these miners. Because I'm taking them on tours yet so when he said my whole point about is like who had the fiduciary duties to protect these binders when they're when they're bringing the morale Mark Kelly special because killers smart data about is like this you guys who's bringing these people there and all the time like this guy got to the point where he got. He got a sex tape because his brother was talking about the tape that he thought it was. Yeah he thought it was something else or whatever it was like tape with all these minor some like Yo. Aw by like sale did they are now his family right back is he. Plays Piano as his family. Right wrong indifferent right if something did you can understand my saying agreement. I'm saying understand there may be a natural in trepidation reputation to always protect your family members. Even in the wrong right is disciplined principal morals all those things it says even if is my family member they suffer the same consequence that somebody else would on the street for dome whatever so I understand that piece the thing about it for me was just like they. All have the fiduciary they're all of them had a duty. All the dolts in the room had a duty when they knew something was fishy to make sure that the everything more pulling the people that were going approach young girls a thing they had the initial to be. Like oh I try Saudi and take the number all of them gave the number all of them get contact even get to him required he. They went through another party to get to him. And I think that all those individuals complicit in his behavior his ad and everything and everybody that supported even when a new certain things to be a a little weird like for me. I can't had no Acapella have a twenty one year old around me for a long time saying like not even a long time a little bit of time. I'm like there's there's no reason for me to be around you like me and even on the same type of time you know what I'm saying like I feel even like Joe like now like you do too young even be around me. Go be negative. Twenty thirty Saying Halloween on the flip. Like so for me when you see a thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen. It's like you know would would edit is. That's why I said the intentional part about it is crazy but I'm just saying these women's struggle to even tell stories. It just kept bringing this idea to like how much we hold inside as individuals through our hardships pains. You know what I'm saying. Even our desires the thing that we really really want to do in life. How sometimes we hold so much in about those that we don't allow allow? I like to shine so I'm not trying to all I'm saying at the end of the day is dead in thinking about that like he really made me conscious about the self and and how like it especially like initiate right as we wrap up one of the things I was saying is like I want to be better to people like watching. That made me WanNa be better too. Because sometimes unintentionally you may not have an intention but circumstantially behavior and awaited. Even though it's not that predatory Dukana no joe the same the way ahead like you know what I'm saying might even if I'm in all rights and passes to do whatever nine moving like that like 'cause I know no this ain't the way you know what I mean so our not I won't catch it. It's hard for me to watch personally. You know what I'm saying but it's it's like maybe you do need to watch it. You know what I'm saying like you need to understand it was heavy on you. Actually super heavyweight For me like going back to him. I don't y I'm so sorry It's not that we need to talk about we. Love is something that I didn't want to watch. I knew it was coming up but hearing you talk about it so much. It's like it's like I want the information and then I'm so upset. I'm GonNa tell you why I'm so upset. I'm upset because they keep putting a black face on a lot of bullshit real shit right. They goes on his pervasive amongst different. Races coaches cut the whole nine but I is get irritated every time. There's a black face to drive the narrative drive home. The ultimate point dash should irritates my soul. What I'm saying that granted there's shows TV crime shows or to forty eight? Our joints where you can see all racist on a lot of the same crimes passion crimes. Whatever whatever but when I see I get tired because it's like all those shows that there's premieres for this shit right? There's premiers mirrors monthly wearing makeup. This ain't like a detailing of the story from law enforcement or whatever whatever this a full on production Mitt to draw awareness to this shit. And that's an I don't want to get into the racial side of it but sometimes like as a black man like it makes really go like I hate the fact that I even feel like we gotta damnation perfect black men or black people like we can't do what other people do 'cause they always used us as the face face to certain sheet. I think I think I think like this. This might be And I know you try to wrap up This might be a compensation that we probably get expand in the next episode. The nature of our music I back and I think the sexualization in R&B criminality hip hop is is like I dis to thins. A wanted wanted Does the glorification of criminal acts a hip hop so DASS. What is like is the driving force one of the things that made it easier in the mind business element and his again so this this made it easy to secularization? R&B made it easier for for people like to To to to just Kinda like laugh about this when it first came out because when you think about the the sex tape that I came out in the early two thousands of whatever how the nature of the conversation now the how versus back then when that came out how it was laughable back then versus like that little girl was the victim. Yeah Eh is that I'm saying it was his counteract it was laughable and the fact dad wasn't laughable to me but it was more so I guess easier to digest because I I was around Like what late teens. Early Twenties or seven whenever they aim out and to me. It wasn't surprised to see a young girl with the older man. Because that's what I was used to seeing older men come to pick up women for little girls from my high school As early as freshman year all the away through yeah And these women that this is what they wanted. They wanted to be with older Oldman so seeing that happened to our Kelly. I wasn't surprised it wasn't shocking At that time I didn't feel that she was a victim. I felt it was something that she wanted. It just happened to be inappropriate and and you said Puerto Correction. You said these women. They wanted like these young girls where where manipulated pleaded that I it committed a whole bunch of men to manipulation To to make this happen but in my from my perspective perspective back then it was like that's what they want us what they wanted. Yeah an and I think that's one of the reasons why and I felt like I was like the next conversation nations. We're going to look at it like this sexualization are and be The OVER SEXUALIZATION IN R&B and the Glorification of crime in hip hop I don't see it aligned. The sexualization are be right. I don't see a problem with it whether we talk. We can go back in dade the Marvin Gaye as the Teddy. ps I love like living in an age. Gap is is really they talk but I think we look at sex differently from the way we used to let me take that back. I don't think we look at. It will will be different but what I think is different is I feel like they were adult men looking at adult women talking talking about adult things with adult people and I think that's why that's why I'm not mad at the sexual 'cause listening for my baby and we gotta get it in. I'm populism sexual music. I'm setting the vibe right but the Muse is an older consenting adult woman that we have that relationship right. That's under that guys right. Okay if you went ahead some Ranji booty shaking shit but the marketing the marketing of the product. And then when you it wasn't it wasn't catered to the marketing wasn't underage girl saying the market and was I felt like the nineties the marginal R&B was high school. The high school kids like when you look at ninety eight. See what we're talking about poison amount be talking about all of them any rb song that came out at like the came out in the nineties. Or whatever like when I remember being high school the it was sexually war when it was it was Monica problem. Look again as again. I'm saying like this right. I think parental advisory is. Where's your parents? GotTa do to step up and do their job at home. But I'm saying however the market for Abidi CDs was mainly really marketed to teenagers. Do you think about this. The teenage Americans in the nineties have disposable income. Everybody working fast food. They're working at McDonalds. Or whatever move they had a young great bobby layman. We're the ones buying all. The CDs said a ninety S. Or whatever like you buy every CD offshoot come out with a CD or whatever you go to copy all these people come out. CD's GonNa copy because when you're a teenager in America you work. You had your first job. You're working or whatever you most of your money spent on news. I just think that the sexualization for the marketing I think was if I'm if I must george the sexy R. and B. Singer right right that's how I am. I am joys a sexy rb singer whose my muse. I'm if I'm if I am about Women Right women are muse. They might be young girls who might want or desire that by from label so if your labor market this to children or whatnot if your label market this to kids and kids abided you oughta writer Yoda musician artists. You'll muses this one woman that you you find your APP alona whatever I from Press Movie Bologna. So that's your Muse. That's what making music about what I'm saying but the Labor is marketing this to kids so it's not just W- you you're not gonNA look and so I'm just saying marketing for print sore regain I think I think music was always For the young young people always marketing to kids but this issue is not just in community of our golden gopher rocketing for every. Yeah that's what I'm saying but it did about is like I think from from I'm at From economic perspective or whatever like American teenager like if you're traveling the world or whatever American teenagers back in the night I don't know about now but American teenagers back in the nineties in the eighties with the expansion of the malls lived in the malls worked in the malls and whatever income that a A. They made a from a traditional middle income. America from whatever income they brought in was not a part of the household bills A what last so at teenage American had disposed that was working disposable income to spend his or her money in whatever they wanted fashion. uh-huh use it. So it's too late so it's like so it's fascinating so one one the labels figured out like look we have this certain demographic traffic to have a boatload of money right 'cause they're working out a workforce or whatever we get a market these to them. We're GONNA market this fashion incident we're gonNA market like the whole we're gonNA market music to them or whatever and out of nowhere. That's that's Kinda like what started with the host Jonah on the CDs because teenagers the ones with the biggest consumer of music. The meat let me change gears required. I thought it was rapid but I want to ask this question. Right obviously. Awesome Tom One but I want to ask this question so recently Angel Ri- On her podcast was talking about the real reason why her uncommon common broke up writing. She saw Gamal loan dated or whatever but she said this. And I Kinda WanNa feel about this statement. She said. I think when somebody tells you they don't know oh they don't really want. They don't really want that they just don't want to hurt you. How do you feel the suit against so? She's saying basically like their break-up became a I think it was about referencing. Children right where their relationship where she wanted the children and that's probably not something that he really wanted right now or in general and he say he ain't no if you want debt but he only saying that because he doesn't want that he just didn't want to hurt her is that is that what she inferred by that statement. Is that what he say. No No. That's that's what she said in the pocket. She used the quote. Is I think what somebody tells you. They don't know they don't really want so that the They just I just don't want to hurt you. Thinking about the statement itself forget relationship in life in general. Do you feel like it was might now know as because Oh no no one will hurt. Archie depend sometimes. You just don't say in relationships if you like what are we together. Are we going to be together or do you. Do you think that's what it is. Would you agree with that statement. I noticed a very over generalization but somebody say do you love but in general. Somebody's eye so do you let me be like our no. Shay Yeah do you think is the woman say you said I love you to a woman. She said enough. I love you. You think she out. I don't think that automatically mean she's just trying to hide the fact that she does not ask you like oh I think so I think it depends I they retire. I agree I agree. I agree with Angela where I I really don't agree with it but I agree with the situation. I feel like I feel like sometimes. Sometimes it's about relationship and love is like this right in the core of it is friendship and dislike and that friendship was important like no one wants to hurt their friend. Frank you understand so and I feel like sometimes your friend wants to let me borrow fight you got you got five. Grand Buzzer Sir. Let me can I borrow five grand. You're kind of like our no let me think about it. You understand what I'm saying is is because at the moment you don't want to shutdown down that person because you gotta think about like the answer is no is what I'm saying. Is it always know cause if China needed thing about because the days when you say they usually know for you. But you like Ma'am try or I'm trying to figure out. How do you usually just blunt honest with what I really one? Yeah and I've been situations where that Scott Mitchell so I might say I don't know just to buy me some times. I really don't know to actually think about it but let let me get this. Some real fought and it might be like like like a a situation where I know the answer. I know you're not going to like the answer regardless I can give you the real answer but I'm GonNa say no but it could be some situations ways like I really don't know I do not know Alex something I think I think I think for you I think in Asia wasting in that situation. I think I think for like this certain questions that need the the the answer has to be certain. Only because we we've crossed this this many lined right. It's not just something off the break like like I just meet you today. Hey do you want kids. I know you understand what I'm saying but I just think there's certain does. Yeah no no I like it. So it's like certain questions that may be a travel pattern. There's certain questions that that the acid needs to be certain now. It's funny that we're talking about this too because On Kevin Hart joint year. He's trying to redo uptown Saturday night. The old school joint with bill cosby symposia wasn't do a remake that he wanted to have a business meeting with Chadwick Bozeman in the Mehan Champions League he listen. He's listening to the pitcher whatever and he was like. I don't know I need to think about about this and I guess we'll see if we move you. That's a curve approved because he is Serbia curve. That's occur I tell you this. I'm like you write more often. I'm slow to make a decision sometimes right so our no is really about home though. I'm GonNa tell you this you amass the cover so so the way you'll massacre Author Herve how is on a lot of your vocabulary list but I really we don't we don't know I don't know where he lives. I'm GonNa tell you what I would tell you. What my out on those be mean half after time right how does how does like Yo is a part of me that might before is a part of me? They might be against but our no because because I really don't know what does it mean for me down the line and I'm really trying to count my 'cause I really really need town really count my coast Really really need you. Give me that time. You know what I'm saying that if you don't give me dad time So you don't think decision was I'm GonNa Tell Ya how tegas remember comes to him. Gory rabbi because But we'll tell you this whatever. Last month of we did the situation the Coma Park Jerry. The Candle Light The candle dry. Who did the category? Yeah yea okay when it was presented in the beginning our way our no no. Because I don't I get wise like that. I know I'm just not no I really didn't know I'd get wise like that or whatever went by Guy Guy Capillary. 'cause yet a mask the cover. No I'M GONNA be Awesome in twenty twenty. It's not even twenty twenty. I'm using twenty twenty s my like symbolic pollick demarcation point right before ruhul like like. I don't know if something is going really be. Yes or no right like at like right now. You don't WanNa live in the world. I WANNA live out of the world because I shout out Gary V on this when he was like yo he tries he learned to make decisions. Quickly right. Because he's learned to accept that if he made the wrong decision the now he knows how to you know the right decision and it's so ironic right that since I kind of heard that Kinda really Kinda put it on me. You know what I'm saying like to really really think about at that like what that really means because some people have a problem making the wrong decision like me are like really making a wrong decision about something that could be so impactful to your life right it so sometimes I say I don't know 'cause I really really want to think about right but what I realize is if you're living your truth and you're like listen I don't no no but I'm GonNa make this decision and if it proves to be wrong or not the right decision that I know like understand that this decision will be made. But I'M GONNA make this decision number rock for would it. I'm a rock with it but if it turns out to be what I expected to be or what I thought it could be a backup out of it saying crucify me later but I'm making a decision Jay and I'm making a decision based on all the information. I know everything that I feel. So whatever that is that's what is going to be and I think like that will be more advantageous ages. You know what I'm saying in life in general you know what I'm saying because sometime we look for shit and we don't really know a Lotta Shit is unknown. You just don't know half the time and you won't know until you get into a you light. I Dam all right. I'm Ahah felt this but now I know for sure so. Let me make this decision. Now that I know for sure and I think a lot of times when people say I don't no no they're saying I don't know because they're trying to make that hundred percent right decision every single time and is no way that you always make the right decision every single time. You know what I'm saying so you're going to rely on certain things like your gut. It doesn't tell you the why this is the right decision but you understand that your a gut is making you feel that way. So you're going to go on something that is unknown. It doesn't give you the reason but gives you enough causation to say on. What share fullback so for me? That's what I'm saying like I look I'll know but what I'm feeling in my gut rock with it for a second and if it proved to be the wrong decision now know what the right decision is. Now you're going to have the Luhrmann on Avenida think about it because I think I'd make an in a time like I was quick to just say I know. Yeah just like knowing if I do change my mind to a yes. You'll be happy. I changed my mind. At least I didn't say yes and then I'll let you down now. I understand that. That's that's me two so now if I don't know and I feel like I'm holding you I'm good. I don't worry about that but give me some time. Gay If I if I say to you I don't know it's a real I don't know for me it's not. I'm not playing no games. Like let me think about Gotcha Gotcha so look We want to thank you for listening episode seven to put near Podcast got oh boy to building back from Dubai what to do for me was riding. ATV's watching liability dance shows more stuff. He found on his way back. He didn't WANNA come back. He was waiting for looking for cancellations but he's back. It's crazy in the Middle East. Now I gotta come back. WanNa shout. Lacy came to to help us down for a few weeks while was shot. He wants her to know that she wasn't GonNa take spot. You know what I'm saying Shadow Less browder shadow Shawnise Fox sat out Rhonda Aka Ronnie Case. Come through showing us. Love sat out District Bill L. Salary by who showed US love and you know came through obviously present supremacy presents over the thousand nineteen. We thank you big time. We definitely wish happy new year. Once again we thank y'all offer listening. Yo like listen young twenty twenty we want. You ought to be very very very very very intentional. And with that being you can say we don't want you. I say I don't know if I want to join so I want Ya right now. If you got one person you know to share link shuttling to this episode and be like Yo check them now go his followers on instagram file. You know go check us out on you actually go to youtube right now. Subscribe Right now. Send the videos to a friend and the friend a friend of France like let's get the word up. We want shot to support us. We're going to you know. Say Rockefeller Center questions. Send US everything so with that being said you catch my man tells us online at bt underscore as follow him Oh boy over fire go follow him. You follow me at. Its Jewish de. We want to go follow. Follow the podcast right now. INSTAGRAM AT PENN TAP under school package catch links to everything that we got going on right there. We got a lot of PODCASTS. Coming up look forward to that promotion coming out very very very very very very soon. We will make that a special situation for ya so you get ready. Get a date right now. Just tell you how to save the date February twelfth twelve February twelfth February twelve. We gotTA lie podcasts coming soon in. DC So we want shot Give prepare for that state-owned. Start letting people know we won't shy EH. In full effect showing love is going to be a beautiful situation against ivory twelve. Save the day. We got a lot of PODCASTS. We've got more information in very very very very very very soon. you gain since the email when he questions any comments. She wants to any topics as you want us to talk about. Shot to everyone. WHO's ever sent us a topic Since the email L. at put it in the air podcast at GMAIL DOT com. That's put it in the air. PODCAST EDGY MEL DOT COM. We went to visit the website. Right now you can catch us there. You can check out all all episodes. 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R. Kelly Joe Mike Vick Takashi bill cosby Dan Do Dubai murder Mike Yoda Frank Lucas Frank Lucas Brad Atlas browder Ted Shawnise Fox MHM Kula Q
100919 ATJ in 30

Ace and TJ

19:53 min | 1 year ago

100919 ATJ in 30

"Month call eight hundred nine four eight five seven four nine eight hundred nine four eight five seven four nine it's already time to get fall and holidays when you look at your current bathroom do you know that it needs an immediate update we want you to know about one day bath and shower remodeling with prices as low as one hundred ninety nine dollars per are now also payment options with no additional fees unlike the cruise lines and land packages just email Michelle at travel at ace TJ DOT com. It has been this way since the moment I heard this song it has never waned I think it's only gotten better with time because it is one of the nastiest sounding nasty and the best way possible nastiest sounding beats and rhythms I think ever been put on record if you haven't go problems down to your innards regular stink face could be because you're being mean or disgusted and being mean to somebody Jason Tj in thirty along with the ribbons being neighborly change right well let's start with the poop stank face the airport might have had a couple of drinks on the plane but I had my headphones on and there's just I realized at one point I wonder if anybody else can hear that it is blasting through my ears and nine red balloons by Jay z right yeah that's ago I call myself a couple of years ago I got I was going to Houston I got off the plane I'm walking because the way with the kids when we're flying as usually where she and I are sitting like she's on the Isle of one side and I'm on the Isle of the other you're disgusted by them or something this is all good poops thank face all good regular stink face not always good I'll give you mine as an Jay is the TJ thirty podcasts. Here's your how can we help is back on the ace and Tj show and you'll hear it later on today she'll reach across the aisle and poke me arm go everybody here turn it nate noise the airport making that face Bob my head walking through gone yeah what an amazing day for me today my wife always His and Nicki menaj comes before she has an album out and does this I think is the best thing ever jumped up with theory podcast to clear up something here we're talking about the poop stank face hoops thank faces a good face Mitch you make a song comes on it's really really good and you just feel it all the way it but I love the blues always have this is a guy named buddy guy he is a legend the song is called Damn Right I got the blues they never duplicated. TJ In thirty podcasts I anonymous Lucy welcome to the I mean he could be keying of bloop stank face made for me right over the past few years that's travel at Ace TJ Dot Com to read from the motion of Charlotte North Carolina Mhm then we got a lot of different songs suggested by one one singer and a new is that right okay so here was her message you went to see in the mothership market of Charlotte Old Dominion in concert at the spectrum CD show how are you right now we have gotten hundreds of these applications what honestly thirty seconds of the song get buccaneers. Yeah that's a good one here's another one for me I cut out a lot of the on JC Connie Chung show him up completely. Yeah yeah that was that's good but another person said just a piece of this on the last one mm center which is the big arena here last week Friday night the twenty seventh right okay until everybody what happened there Thank kissing every time because I just go would listen to that man that's just Asti so that's nice he puts out his hand and so I started writing my number on his hand and I am thinking about it now I've been thinking about it since the night and I think that okay this is TJ in personally I think this is a blessing because you don't Wanna hit your wagon to a guy who's good with riding on I went to the Old Dominion concert with a girlfriend in mind and we ran into this group of people and I met this guy well I originally thought he was married because he was it was I felt like there was a connection there and ended with him asking for my number I started to write it down on a black Napkin and you have gone through them all this one just we thought was kind of a fun unique thing to do I gotta be honest with Lucy odder slim this is gonna work out for you but you really it's a couple other women who had rings on Long Story Short he said he wasn't married and then after the concert we went up to the rent and how to drink that came from Sri Lanka tongue really want you could be king go watch the queen's hosting the numbers start route Jimmy number wrong because I haven't gotten a call at nothing so my girlfriend had lied told me about you guys and this is where I'm at now being he I don't know I just I felt this connection with him and I feel like I need to find him I went back to the Ritz the following weekend and he wasn't there we met her in the bathroom and she kind of gave us the gist of his story mindue she didn't know him they met that night as well so she says and he came over to me and was like are you really gonNA write your number down on a black Napkin so I looked over at the bar and there was a permanent worker there so grab the permanent marker and he lived here he lives out of the country and he lives in Florida okay I don't know what else to do do you have any what's his first name so here's the thing on the win he's not young I would say maybe early forties mid forties Green is occasion yeah so you got one right yeah and it's only one part of the song that's fine Kanye has called monster with Jay Z. They had the first two verse is money catch the from the hood stupid type fingers up to the minute she was having himself yeah okay that shows a lack of of characters just creepy for people who are who are completely fine if some I writes on them down wrong demon number come off of his hand am I not that attractive can you please help me find him please find him it's like the unknown he was intriguing our country and he's in the military active duty he says that he does contract work for the military here's the thing the group that he was with he kind of gave his story to them first and the girl Apple you son Hot Ninety Nick foles that WANNA make so much with a sharp visit for how can I help you win they said he hasn't called it's I'm questioning data right my number All right so brandon a what does he looked like physical can you give us a description of him real quick on he's Caucasian he's older and the name that he gave was brandon and his last name starts with an A. and t's service members take the blue today we're looking for brandon a WHO went to the Old Dominion Concert Friday night the twenty seventh in the Mothership Market of Charlotte at Tj more how can we help you Wednesday coming up on the ace and Tj in thirty podcast right after this handsome man he's at least six foot tall 'cause I'm pretty tall and I was wearing heels that night milk kids never married mean he was dressed very nice obviously we were at a concert but I didn't get the vibe that he would be hanging around at the risk he was a little more on the rugged thing if anybody has any information please help us find work out like how does this work no this is this is not gonNa work I that would be hanging out at places like the Ritz all the time or did he get that vibe vibe I mean just I mean you know feel thing unbeliev US involved lose weight the healthy way instead of somebody claiming that you can take their pill or their fat-burner or whatever it is and lose thirty pounds overnight you don't want that you want to do this the healthy way the most luxurious experience of your life to go to the Ballantyne Dot Com and see all the great things you can enjoy everything from their spa it's an unbelievable deal just go to top LOSS DOT COM T. O. P. L. O. S. S. DOT COM buy three get three free with Callan and use the Promo Code Ace at the Ballantyne second you walk in you know you're in a fancy hotel is not only beautiful but the staff goes out of their way to make sure you have a whole heap because that's what the door he addressed from John Doe funds that just last month that show the spectrum center he was last seen in the Ritz having a drink his name first name is brandon last name starts with an A. He's over six feet tall green is rugged good looks to golf they're beautiful pool fine restaurant and everything else a true luxury hotel provides so book your stay now at the Ballantyne four I was listening to your show this morning and heard how can we help you Wednesday it's a shot in the dark and I don't ask for help but here I am she in an insurance office I have some furniture and I finally after a few months was able to get a decent car with alone for the first time all by myself I'm podcast this is the Ason Tj and thirty podcast now act on demand on like a gentleman a a rugged gentlemen maybe so he had on his dress flannel shirt so clock a how can we help you win dot com I really think you're GonNa love it indicated never duplicate how can we help you Wednesday we're GonNa get a bunch of these so just pick the the one that came in the most often title by the ads with Callan it's

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S4: Roaring 20s: Anna Anderson Pt. 1

Parcast Presents: Summer of '69

48:51 min | 10 months ago

S4: Roaring 20s: Anna Anderson Pt. 1

"Pulling off the perfect con can be a real art form. Discover more about history's most deceitful characters in our to timing podcast con artists. If you enjoy these episodes about the life and lies of Anna Anderson make sure sure to tune in every Wednesday for more unbelievable stories. Follow Con Artists. Free on spotify or wherever. You listen to podcasts as Franciscus sats in front of the Vanity Mirror examining her face she compared her Own Features to those at the photograph in Jalan the full Romanoff daughters Tatyana Olga Maria and Anastasia Shia stead directly at the camera unsmiling. They were all dead now murdered three years ago. In Russia by the Bolsheviks Mhm Francisca traced the curves of that cheekbones with her finger. Careful not to smudge the black ink. She covered the bottom of anaesthesia is printed face. The thumb the Grand Duchess had large deep. Set eyes rimmed with long dark lashes. Just like Francisco's When she hit the lower half of her own face with her hand Francisco saw the Romanoff within her but when she uncovered her mouth? The resemblance vanished. Her mouth was too large filled with teeth. That to square and a stays mouth was delicate her teeth dainty chick blitz the longer franciscus studied the youngest romanoff daughter. The more convinced her own teeth had to go. She picked up a sterling. Silver Habrush from the dressing table Francisco disco took a deep breath and held it in her lungs bracing herself then. She bashed the head of the heavy brush into her closed mouth. She bludgeoned has self again and again until she could wiggle. Have Front teeth with a tongue. In the morning the dentist finished the job with a pair of playas. Welcome to con artists. A podcast original. I'm your host Alistair murden. Every week we peel back. The layers of history's st greatest deceptions. And tell the stories of the hustlers swindlers and fraudsters that orchestrated then. I'll dive into their psychology breakdown their tricks and explain why anyone might full for con. Con Artists seeks to explore cons from all angles. The perpetrator the victim. The world they lived in and the thing that forced them to fool will be fooled in our first episode. We'll cover the upbringing. And early influences of our fraudster. We'll understand what experiences shape their mindset and the historical context that allowed them to perpetuate their cons in Partu. We'll we'll watch the wheels come off their scheme as their victims recognized the lie all detail. How subjects was eventually caught the fallout and where they are today this week? We'll track the life and lies of Franciscus Schanzkowsky also known as an Anderson in Nineteen nineteen twenty one after the fall of the Roman Empire. Twenty four year old Francisca claimed she was the Grand Duchess Anastasia the youngest daughter of deposed. Czar Nicholas the second while the rest of the family was killed by the Bolsheviks Anaesthesia allegedly managed to survive next week. We'll see how Francisco managed to maintain her life as royalty for sixty years until her death even in the face of Naysayers alias. We'll follow the various attacks on her identity. As well as how the truth finally came to light at podcast with grateful for you you listeners. You allow us to do what we love. Let us know how we doing reach out on facebook and Instagram at podcast and twitter at podcast cuss network. And if you enjoy today's episode the best way to help is to leave a five star review wherever you're listening it really does help us from nineteen twenty one until her death in nineteen eighty-four Francisca Schanzkowsky posed. Just as the Grand Duchess Anastasia Romanov. She bounced around Europe and the United States taking advantage of the hospitality of various members of the aristocracy and Zara sympathizes known as White Russians. They housed clothed and fed her in style appropriate to her station and if her host ever grew suspicious Franciscus simply moved onto her neck. Supporter Francisco managed to keep up her ruse until she died. Right did nine thousand nine hundred eighty four. The name anesthesia is immortalized on her tombstone and she was interred a cemetry with other nobility it it wasn't until nineteen ninety four that DNA testing finally debunked her claim ten years after her death Francisco Schanzkowsky was born on December sixteenth. Eighteen ninety six in Borek Pomeranian a region on the border of Poland and Germany. She she was the fourth of five children. Born to Anton Murray Schanzkowsky the Schanzkowsky were formerly my ability. However by the time Anton on Schanzkowsky inherited he squandered it all through alcoholism? The family was poor throughout Franciscus Childhood and moved often chasing work but this history of nobility even if only minor and a few generations removed inspired Francisco to see herself as special. Joel her sister. Gertrude accused her of putting on airs and acting like someone of a higher class instead of the poor laborers daughter she was. She wore her best dresses gloves and high heeled shoes just to run errands. In the village a study conducted by University of Southampton Downton found that white lines about prestige or successes can actually encourage our minds to work harder to make those embellishments reality psychologist. Richard H grams. Oh the study organizers. said it's important to emphasize that the motives driving personal exaggeration seemed to be interest psychic rather than public or interpersonal. Basically exaggeration here reflects positive. Goals for the future and we have found that those goals tend to be realized. Francisco spoke three languages and attended school until she was fifteen a rarity for someone of their means she loved books and read all the time hiding in the families covered wagon with a novel while the other children brought in August officed. She was especially inspired by the story of King author who is a lowly orphan until he found excalibur and the sword made him. King Francisco wanted more for herself to so in nineteen fourteen. When Francisco was seventeen? She moved from the small town of Higgins off to Berlin Germany for better prospects but a few months after she arrived in August of nineteen fourteen. The KAISA declared war on Russia and France Setting World War One into motion at first the country celebrated the war proud of the Kaiser for defending Germany's Emily's interests. But as the conflict dragged on the economy took a downturn rations were imposed in the spring spring of Nineteen Sixteen nineteen year. Old Francisco was conscripted to work for the electric Guitars Gesellschaft or a EG. The company supplied airplane's parts to the German forces Francisca assembled hand-grenades but in August of nineteen sixteen and she had an accident on the assembly line. Francisco dropped a grenade and it exploded sending shrapnel all over the factory floor and and killing the foreman even though she survived Francisco was never the same completely overwhelmed with guilt. A A few weeks later she had a nervous breakdown. She was committed to a hospital in Berlin for four weeks to recover after she was released the EG paid Francisco small stipend basically the equivalent of workers comp. Today it allowed her to stay in Berlin without having to work it afforded Francisco freedom and stability. She'd never experienced before but this only lasted for six months. Once the stipend ran out Francisco either had to find a new job to pay her rent or return to her family in Higgin Dorf Germany instead she was committed again then in March of nineteen. Seventeen this time in a hospital. ENOR- rippin a little over forty miles north west of Berlin. She refused use to identify herself to the doctors withholding all personal information until they could figure out who she was. They were forced to allow Francisco to remain enor- rippin. She may have seen this as another chance to live without working. But in the fall of nineteen seventeen the doctors eventually identified. Her Francisco was released into the care of her mother in Higgins off the release legend noted twenty one year. Old Francisco go was better but not cured. Francisca spent the next year and a half moving between hit endorphin Berlin bouncing between jobs. She was never able to hold a position long though it's unclear if she was repeatedly fired or if she simply simply quit based on friends accounts she likely still suffered from. PTSD and depression. One roommate. Doris Vin Ganda said. When she was in a bad mood she spent entire days in bed? Her head turned to the wall and wouldn't speak to anyone. Then on Sunday February Fifteenth Francisco went out again in the middle of the day. She didn't come home that night. Two days later Francisca jumped off a bridge into the LANDWEHR canal. A nearby policeman. I heard the splash and dove in after her saving her life. But the rescue actually problematic for Francisco at the time attempting suicide. It was a criminal offence in Germany. And she could be arrested worse. Once the police uncovered her mental health history. She would likely be committed to an asylum for the rest of her life. So Francisco played the same game. She had rippin and refused to identify herself. So the police sent ahead to a hospital for an evaluation and the doctors and nurses questioned her repeatedly in response. She pulled the sheets and blankets overhead ahead instead blankly at the wall. It's unclear if she was motivated simply by the threat of being labeled incurably insane or if she saw this as a chance to claim free room and board in the hospital at the end of the day it didn't matter who she was as long S.. She wasn't Francisco's chance. Goski on March Thirtieth nineteen twenty after six weeks. Without Answers twenty-three-year-old Francisca was discharged to another asylum. Doll Dwarf on the north side of Berlin. She was admitted under the name. Same Miss Unknown. Despite the doctors continued efforts Franciscus stayed aide in the asylum as Missa known for the rest of Nineteen Twenty and most of nineteen twenty one she dove under the covers shrieking in fear whenever never. Someone tried to interrogate her and she seemed to enjoy life in the asylum. Being in the hospital and she didn't have to work. She was provided with food and a bed. She was afraid of being forcibly committed for life but happy to remain in the asylum on her own terms. Dolgov off was nice. Francisco lived in relative peace on a quiet ward with fourteen other patients who like her were deemed insane. But but not dangerous. There was even a small library when she wanted a break from solitude. She chatted with the nurses about the books. She read the nurses with chomped by Francisco as Vera. Green Victoria Hughes related in their book. On Francisca almost anaesthesia. She was really so nice so polite. Not like the other patients. She wasn't insane. It was only that she would not give her name. It was obvious that she didn't come from a rough background. What tragedy made her refused to say who she was what she so afraid of? It was such a mystery. Very many of them assumed that she was a lady of High Society because of her graceful movements and manner of speaking. Miss Unknown had an air with dignity even haughtiness had she come to the asylum to escape a horrible arranged marriage. Francisco played into their conjecture sure about her social status. She told them about her plans to buy an estate with horses. After she left Dolgov oneness recalled a conversation. They had about a book on the crown. Prince of Germany Francisco spoke about him as if she knew him personally. There were rumors across across Europe about the turmoil in Russia after the revolution the country was in chaos by the fall of nineteen twenty one strain stories. He's about the ROMANOFF execution three years earlier made their way to dull. DORF newspapers speculated that some of the family managed to survive the firing squad. Soon Francisco took advantage of the lack of definitive details in October. One of the necessarily dull door found miss unknown looking at a newspaper photo of the four romanoff daughters. The nurse recalled miss unknown pointing to the youngest girl in the photo and asking. Don't you think she looks familiar. Thus agreed the woman looked like can Francisca and then she thought about it more Miss Unknowns manners and grace her knowledge of royalty her fear of strangers questions was this. The onset to the mystery was miss unknown actually in hiding from the Soviets within a few days the nurses were in agreement. Miss Unknown was actually the grand in Duchess Anastasia. A surviving Romanov coming up. Francisco explains how she escaped the Bolsheviks now back to the story in October of Nineteen Twenty one twenty four year old Francisco. Schanzkowsky was living in doll door asylum under the alias Miss Known she befriended the nurse is there and through hints and nudges eventually convinced them she was the Grand Duchess Chist. Anastasia Romanov Zahn. Nicholas the second fifty CZARINA. Alexandra forty-six the CZAREVICH Vich Alexi Thirteen and the Grand Duchesses Olga twenty two Tatyana. twenty-one Maria nineteen and anaesthesia Asia seventeen were executed by the Bolsheviks on July seventeenth. Nine thousand nine hundred thousand nine because the rest of Europe was preoccupied recovering from world war. One the exact details of the execution were unknown for a long time. The story came to light in bits and pieces. The rest was filled in with rumor and conjecture creating an intense aura of mystery. Allegedly the Red Army firing squad. Yekaterinburg was unable to kill the Romanoff's with gunshots when the smoke cleared after their first volleys the Romanovs were not only still alive. They they didn't appear to be injured at all. The soldiers claimed their bullets had bounced off their chests. As if by magic before the revolution there were stories stories that the ROMANOFF's had made a deal with the devil through their adviser. Rasputin he was a controversial figure. A Russian Orthodox priest and Faith Faith Healer who practiced mysticism and participated in orgies. But he was also the only person who'd been able to successfully treat Kozara vich Alexi for hemophilia the past rumors about Rasputin fueled the current conjecture about the execution Rasputin. Rasputin must have cast a spell to protect the royal family and it repelled. The bullets the more likely explanation is that the Romanoff's offs tried to smuggle their wealth out of Russia. Thinking they'd eventually be allowed to leave. They sewed several diamonds into that close to fund their lives in exile therefore four the bullets were repelled of their chests by the hidden stones. But that did not spare the ROMANOFF's from death. In fact it might have caused was them to die with greater cruelty when their bodies were eventually unearthed in the Nineteen Ninety S. The ROMANOFF's faces had all been beaten in. If the Red Army's bullets actually failed. Nothing stopped the bludgeoning however in nineteen twenty one the Romanoff's graves remained hidden the white Russians. Who are still loyal to the monarchy? Had fruitlessly searched for years in the absence of corpses combined with the bulletproof proof rumors who could really say that none of the royal family survived. It was this unknown that Franciscus I guess shuns Kofsky exploited and once the nurse is at dull dwarf believed. Miss Unknown was actually. The Grand Duchess stays year. It wasn't long before a few of the. The patients saw the resemblance to fifty year. Old Clara Pointer was already close with Francisco before the Romanov Room is started once she caught wind the story Clara latched on. However she didn't think that Miss Unknown was anesthesia? Didn't she look much more like Tatyana. The second second oldest daughter at twenty four that may Tatyana and Francisca the same age Clark claimed that she was a seamstress in some in pizzas burke before the revolution and saw the royal family or the time she held the newspaper photo next Franciscus face and determined without a down. She was the Grand Duchess Tatiana. The nurses were happy to adjust their expectations. They knew miss unknown was someone special special. That was what mattered and by taking on this identity Francisco was shielded from any more questions. The Ness is new. Oh you now why. She wasn't talking if anyone found out who she really was. She'd be in danger. Francisco made them feel like co conspirators. Says she had let them in on his special secret and it motivated them to protect her social scientist intas. Robert Shall Dini wrote about the principles of persuasion in his book influence. He said when people see themselves as part of a larger Asia shared identity. They are willing to take steps. They wouldn't take for their individual interests. The research on this is very clear so the he organized a needs to build that sense of shared purpose but in January of nineteen twenty to twenty five year old Franciscus Adila Tillich existence was shaken in two months. All of the patients on her ward will be transferred to Nauru Pin and the doctors nurses knew there she would be unmasked immediately. Francisco was frantic. She pleaded with the nurses to help her telling them that annoy Repin was infested with Bolshevik spines. The moment she entered they would emerge and kill her but there was nothing they could do. Luckily Clara potard was released from dull door on January twentieth. Nineteen twenty two. She immediately took up Tatyana. 's 'cause several several members of the extended Roman family were able to escape Russia before the revolution and lived in various parts of Europe in exile most notable among them with the Dowager Empress Maria feodorovna Nicholas seconds. Mother Princess Irene CZARINA. Alexandra sister and and the Grand Duchess Nicholas. The second sister Clara wrote to all of them and informed them Tatyana existence at dull dwarf and the grave if danger that waited for her at Noida pen unfortunately no reply came On March Sixth Nineteen twenty two a week before Franciscus Transfer Clara attended a Russian Orthodox Mass service in Berlin in a last on stitch effort to find help she met Captain Nicholas. Adolfo Vich von Schwab. He was a white Russian and editor of the Double Eagle a white Russian newsletter. When Clara told him that Tatyana Romanoff was at dull Dorf he was immediately intrigued? The White Russians were currently at the end deadlock over which of Czar Nicholas's cousins to support in their attempt to reestablish the monarchy in Russia the argument threatened to sink they because entirely but to living romanoff daughter easily trumped anyone else's claim and would unites their movement. It was exactly what they need it. The next day March Seventh Schwab went to delve to meet Tatyana. He brought Madame. Dan Zenaida tolstoy. She was a close friend of CZARINA Alexandra and would recognize any romanoff child immediately but miss unknown refuse to see them. She cowered under her blankets hiding her face and crying hysterically. Schwab managed to pull the cover. Have a down enough to see. Her is madame. Tolstoy was struck. Those were Romanoff is encouraged foraged Schwab has summoned Baroness Sophie books. Hoven the ZARINA's former lady-in-waiting she knew all the Romanov children from the day they were born and would know at once. If Tatyana was telling the truth she arrived a week later on March thirteenth to weigh in but miss unknown once again cowered in fear when confronted with the Visitor Sofi tried to soothe her calling her by old pet names but there was no recognition edition when Sophie eventually managed to wrench the blankets away from Tatyana 's face. The answer was clear. She deemed misunderstands fingers to be too long her mouth too big her chin to square and her legs too short she also clearly didn't understand. Russian Francisca claimed that it was too painful to speak her mother tongue because it brought up terrible memories of what happened to her family but sophie was not convinced she told Schwa- and tolstoy that this impostor was not Tatyana Romanov and left Franciscus. Discus fraud could have stopped there. But Captain Schwab wasn't ready to give up. He was deeply invested in the white Russian movement and wanted to believe that Romanoff had survived. He managed to pull some strings and cancelled the transfer to noise rippin so he could spend more time with miss unknown. Schwab Robert may have been responding to elements of the reciprocity norm. This is a social phenomenon that encourages us to repay someone who has done us a favor. Lever Schwab expected that if he helped Francisco regain her rightful place. As the air to the romanoff thrown. She would use position to help him further the goals of the White Russians to restore the monarchy therefore the more. He held her the more she would help him. In the wake of Sophie's Disavowal Francisco Adjusted Her story at five foot two. She was too short to be Tatyana as Sophie correctly observed so she reverted back to the youngest daughter. Anaesthesia their heights. It's matched well enough. Francisca explained to Schwab that no one had asked her directly who she was they had all just assumed this also explained why Sophie did and recognize her. She was looking for the wrong sister. In addition Francisca changed her appearance to better sell her claim. She plucked out her hair line to make her forehead look bigger. She also had several teeth pulled. Sophie complained that Francisco's mouth was too big and and had teeth with the wrong shape so over a period of several months she had sixteen teeth removed mostly from the front of her mouth. She later said that they were knocked out by Bolsheviks soldiers who hits her in the face with their rifles without the support of her teeth her lips chiefs shrunk in making her mouth look smaller. It also gave her the tendency to drool but this meant that Francisco was free to keep a handkerchief constantly constantly pressed to her mouth without question and the top half of her face was certainly the more Roman half. She deliberately disfigured herself self to further her lie as Victoria. Hughes and Vera Green surmised at some points. She seems to have adopted the Anaesthesia personality. Quite possibly even playfully but the pulling of teeth was an indication of the Stele purpose behind the Games Francisco. Franscisco may have been reacting to the other side of the reciprocity norm which motivates us to take revenge on someone who abused his kindness. The more people who helped Francisco because they believe she was Romanoff the more important it was to maintain the line otherwise her allies Schwab Clara. The nurses would feel taken advantage of and might take action against her. Their support had snowballed over the last few months to such a degree. That Franscisco would now face serious consequences. If she were found out or perhaps it was simply the Francisca had finally been recognized for what she truly believed. She was special and she would pay any price to hold onto it up next. Francisca embraces life as the Grand Duchess Anaesthesia. Now back to the story and mm-hmm in March of Nineteen twenty two the Baroness Sophie. Books Hoegaarden met twenty five year old Francisco Schanzkowsky who claimed to be a Romanoff enough daughter but sofi labeled her an impostor to try to strengthen her claim Francisco disfigured herself pulling out her hair and teeth. Her extreme measures eventually paid off. Captain Shraga introduced anesthesia. To another white Russian Baron author Gustavus Richard Von Kleist and his wife Maria they recognize the grand duchess immediately and pledge themselves to help her any way they could. The kleist showered her with gifts and brought photo albums of the royal family to help her remember. Her past. Francisco continued to act of extreme shyness refusing to answer any direct questions and often hiding under her blankets to draw responses from her. They asked leading questions prompting her memories desperate for her to validate them Franciscus store the information and used it to impress future visitors. The clients were very sympathetic. She was a poor scared creature eventually. They decided that she would have a much better chance of recovery. If if she came to live with them in their apartment the threat of not rippin fresh in her mind Francisco agreed to leave dull door with them. On May thirtieth both nineteen twenty two but living with the clients meant answering the questions. Eventually she had to explain to them how she'd survived five and made it to Berlin a few weeks after moving in she finally revealed the truth to Baron Kleist on the day if the massacre July seventeenth nineteen eighteen anaesthesia had avoided the firing squads bullets by hiding behind his sister Tatyana when a soldier realized realized she was still alive. He smacked her in the face with the butt of his rifle knocking out thirteenth and rendering her unconscious when she came to she was alone with the same soldier he'd feigned her death to his superiors to safer and helped her escape to Romania but he was murdered in nineteen twenty. NT possibly by Bolsheviks Sir. She fled to Germany. She hoped she might be able to reconnect with us. Surviving family members there in particular Princess S. Irene does arenas sister but she wasn't able to gain an audience. After only a week in Berlin she fell into the canal and was committed indulge off to explain the lack of direct resemblance to photos of Anastasia. Francisca told Baron Kleist that she wore an iron mask in Romania that stretched and altered her nose and mouth. He added the strange detail to his official account of the Grand Duchess. But it roused the suspicions Sir Arthur supporters Zarina's close friend Madame Zenaida tolstoy had trouble. Suppressing doubts had dedication shen orgy. Wavered after Baroness Sophie's refusal. Now the more details on Stacey revealed to the Christ's the more Madam. tolstoy feared. She was as an impostor on July Fourth Nineteen twenty two. She reached a conclusion that night. Francisca get told her that. In addition to saving her the soldier had impregnated her she gave birth to a son on December fifth nineteen eighteen. He he had his father's hair and his mother's is she implored Madame tolstoy to send someone to Romania to look for her son who she was forced to leave behind signed with his paternal grandmother. Of course no such child was ever found. But that wasn't what made this revelation troubling for Madame Tolstoy Roy if the baby was born in December of nineteen eighteen that meant he was conceived while Anastasia was still held captive by the Bolsheviks Francisca implied that the child was the product of rape still. It was shameful and unbecoming of royalty to have a child outside of marriage edgeworth peasant soldier even worse it complicated. The White Russians plans for the Romanov Czars grandson even a Boston grandson muddy the waters of succession in the wake of this Madam. Tolstoy left the client's apartment and did not return and she wrote to the barren that she wanted nothing more to do with Anastacia. Distressed Baron Kleist pressed Francisco on the details of the story. was that really an illegitimate child. She brushed off his concerns. Incense she'd married the soldier and the baby had been baptized. There was nothing untoward madame. Tolstoy had overreacted. Then Francisca quickly changed the subject. She remembers something new to tell him her. Father Czar Nicholas the second had opened a dowry account with twenty twenty million rubles in it five million for each of his daughters. The account was in England so it would have survived the revolution untouched. As Nicholas's only remaining daughter all the money should go to anaesthesia. It was an opportune moment to dangle. A new carrot if the Phantom handsome child complicated the White Russians motivations to help Francisca needed an alternative to inspire the baron in this case. Twenty ninety million rubles but even with this gambit she must have felt at least some concern that she was about to be revealed does an imposter a month after. Madame tolstoy's abandonment on August fourth. Nineteen twenty to twenty five year. Old Francisco ran away from from the clients. They immediately informed the police and mounted a search. There are a few different theories on where Francisco escaped to Vera. Green and Victoria speculated that Francisco intended to flee Berlin and start a new life somewhere else. With money she'd gotten from the clients. The snow bowl of reciprocity had only grown and Francisco might have been desperate for a way out of the romanoff lie in order to reestablish herself somewhere else with her true name Franciscan needed documentation papers. She left them behind in a friend's apartment before she disappeared. Francisca never spoke about her time away. From the Christ's it was later referred to as the missing three days. No one is exactly sure where she went what she did all who she saw but on Monday August seventh. The grand in Dutchess reappeared. A friend of the Christ's Fritz Janaka found her wandering in Berlin near the PUCK. Doc Janaka tried to escort Francisco back to the clients but she refused to return so Janaka brought her to his own apartment instead. The client tried to convince her to come home apologizing for whatever offenses she had suffered. But Francisco held firm perhaps perhaps she still intended to flee the lie altogether if so she never had the chance within a week she was re homed with a new supporter supporter. Don't Gruenberg was a police inspector and a monarchist. When Baron Kleist reported anaesthesia missing being Gruenberg learned the details of her story intrigued he offered her refuge in his estate intet? Low a little over ten miles south of Berlin Lynn. If Francisco is attempting to flee her con- It seems strange that she would agree to sequester herself in the country where there were fewer transportation options options to take her away more likely. She was strongly compelled by the other white Russians to move. If she didn't want to stay with the Christ's they'd simply bleep place her somewhere else more suitable but it ended up being paradise to Francisco Gruenberg spent. The weekdays is working in the city and kept an apartment there. He only returned to tetlow on the weekends. After nearly a year of constant questions and tests of her memory memory. Five days a week Francisco was now free from scrutiny. Not to say that Gruenberg didn't hold his own interrogation sessions. Much as the Baron Erin had done because of his police background gruenberg felt he was better suited to draw information out of the reluctant Grand Duchess similarly. He had a heightened sense of whether or not someone was telling the truth. Gruenberg was impressed by Francisco's ability to describe the wallpaper in the room where the Romanoff took place. Gruenberg had seen pictures of the room so he recognized the details as accurate. He apparently didn't consider that she may have seen the same photograph. It was another example of the White Russians. Seeing what they wanted because it suited their goals. This is called confirmation bias. Dr Sharam Hashmat warned about the danger of confirmation bias writing. This era leads is the individual to stop gathering information when the evidence gathered so far confirms the views or prejudices one would like to be true once we have formed view. We embrace information that confirms that view while ignoring or rejecting information that casts doubt on it almost host immediately Gruenberg determined that anaesthesia couldn't remember all the details of her life as a Roman off because she was mentally shattered from everything she'd gone through. She often behaved in a naive childlike way. Gruenberg attributed this to a combination of both the trauma and it has sheltered royal background. It's softened his approach and he took the questions slowly eventually Francisca presented hit him with the truth with slight adjustments. She was still saved by soldier but now he was a Polish exile forced to join the Red Army angry at the Bolsheviks. He saw an opportunity to get back at them and sped life and he didn't force himself on her. They fell in love. Anaesthesia claimed she had also misremembered their son's birthday. She was vague about the correct date but was certain and he wasn't conceived until they reached Romania. The baby's father was still murdered in one thousand nine hundred ninety still by Bolsheviks but now the father had a brother named Sergei Sergei helped Annastasia get to Germany but then disappeared as soon as they reached Berlin. She tried to contact her aunt. Princess Irene but was unsuccessful then she was sent to build off when Gruenberg recognized discrepancies in this version of the truth. She blamed them on Baron Kleist he was greedy liar who put words words in her mouth. It was his warped mind that fabricated the sexual assault similarly she alleged that Baroness Sophie. Books Overdone I had betrayed the ROMANOFF's in the revolution trading her safety for this she wouldn't recognize Franciscus claim because she feared being outed as a traitor Hughes and green wrote that. This was a common tactic for Francisco by lodging outrageous allegations against her patrons she made the new friend feel. He was the recipient of her most secret confidences. Having learned what monsters the other supporters were the new confidant had no qualms about working against them feeding Francisca Information and helping carry out plans they might oppose. It was the same tactic Francis. Scott employed with the nurses indulged off. She made her supporters feel as though they were part of her inner circle reinforcing an US versus them mentality. Soon Dr Gruenberg was thoroughly convinced he was housing. The Grand Duchess and would support a claim however he could by November of nineteen twenty two. He managed to secure an audience with Princess. Irene Anastasia's aunt. She agreed to come to Ted low to meet Francisca and weigh in on her identity. If Irene recognized her the affirmation would overrule rule any deniers but the meeting was a disaster Francisca called it. An ambush she'd been out it's in the gardens of tetlow that morning foraging for mushrooms in the dark earth when she came inside for lunch Dr Gruenberg pounced before she could even go upstairs to wash the dirt off arms. He dragged her to the dining room sitting at the table. Where two women? That Francisca didn't know Princess Irene. Irene was introduced to her with a fake name and Francisco didn't recognize her aunt at all and Irene didn't recognize By the end of the meal which was eaten largely in silence she was certain Annastasia was an imposter Franscisco. Franscisco claimed that she of course so it was her dear aunt immediately that day but she was simply too surprised to speak. No one told her that anti Irene was coming and she was in a state of shock and the more she thought about it. Francisco found the entire interaction fraction exceptionally rude. It was not at all fitting treatment of Grand Duchess Princess. Irene had played a mean trick on her doctor Gruenberg had purposely allowed her to be embarrassed but Gruenberg was just as mortified as she was once he realized he taken in a fraud ruled he was livid to gain an audience with Princess Irene. Gruenberg had asked the police superintendent for help. Everyone at work would know. Oh how gullible he'd been. It was the dark side of the reciprocity norm that Francisca had feared for months. Gruenberg immediately banished Francisca from his house wanting nothing else to do with her. Fritz Janaka came to collect her from tetlow that very night. She wept in the backseat seat as he drove her away. From Paradise in the wake of this episode Francisco conveniently fell. Oh seriously ill with tuberculosis. Despite the way they left things when the clients heard how sick she was they offered to pay for her medical treatment. In December of nineteen twenty. Two Twenty six year old Francisco was admitted to a hospital in Berlin. She recovered there for almost a year. Yeah the Christ's and Shaba sent money but otherwise kept their distance not only with a wary of her tuberculosis but they also weren't unsure what to think of her after Irene's judgment but this was actually helpful for Francisco. As long as she was sequested in a sick sped she was isolated from any direct fallout. After Baroness Sophie's refusal. Francisco was forced to scramble for an explanation but no one came to the hospital to question her about Irene. By the time she was well enough to leave in November of nineteen twenty three the harshest criticisms had blown over initially Francisco returned to the client apartment. But she didn't stay long instead. She bounced from friend to friend cycling through their guest rooms a few weeks at a time. Captain Shraga her. Most loyal whites Russian was her frequent host in nineteen twenty. Four Francisco likes staying with him mainly because he had several photo albums of the Romanoff's and the palace she studied them for hours gaining an extensive amount of trivia to serve her in her continuing Sherard. But these homework sessions eventually drew swampers suspicions in the full of nineteen twenty four. She lost the support of the first person who recognized McLean lane. Schwab denounced her and barred her from returning to his apartment. He published an article in his white Russian newsletter the Double Eagle detailing allies and calling her nothing more than a Polish vagabond quickly. The rest of the White Russians since withdrew their support. Francisco was forced to crash with Clara Porter. A former patient from Duluth. It seemed finally that her life life is anesthesia. Had fizzled out. Francisco was faced with a horrible reality of returning to higgins off to her ordinary life but soon Francisco would meet her most important supporter a woman who changed her life. She made it possible for Francisca to be anaesthesia for the rest of her life You don't thanks for listening con artists. We'll be back next week with pot. Ought to of Anna Anderson. We'll follow the renewal of her claim. Her quest for the Romanov Fortune and see how DNA evidence eventually outed her as is Francisco Schanzkowsky for more information on Francisca Schanzkowsky amongst the many sources we used we found Vera Green and Victoria. Hugh's this book almost anesthesia extremely helpful to our research. You can find more episodes of Catis as well as other podcast originals on spotify spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you enjoyed the show the best way to help is to leave a five star review and don't forget to follow us on facebook facebook and Instagram at podcast and twitter at Parkas network. I'll see you next time. CON artist was created by Max. Cutler is a production of cutler media. And his part of the podcast network it is produced by Max and Ron Cutler sound designed by Ron Shapiro with production assistance by Paul Malla additional production assistance by Maggie Admire and Carly Madman. This episode Con Artists was written by Abigail Cannon. I'm alliston modern.

Supporter Francisco Mhm Francisca Tatyana Romanoff Berlin Francisco Francisco Gruenberg Anna Anderson Germany Grand Duchess Francisco Schanzkowsky Baroness Sophie Father Czar Nicholas Madame Zenaida tolstoy Franciscus Tatyana Princess S. Irene Francisco disco Europe Red Army Russia
Devil's Bargain

Dateline NBC

1:25:18 hr | 9 months ago

Devil's Bargain

"There's a new kind of credit card created by Apple. It's called Apple Card and it lives in your wallet APP and in Your Wallet. You can buy things with apple pay or a laser etched titanium card. It sets a whole new level for privacy and security and it gives you daily cash back with every purchase. Oh and you can apply in minutes just opened the wallet APP on your iphone and tap the plus button to get started to learn more checkout apple dot co slash. Get Apple Card available for qualifying applicants in the United States issued by Goldman Sachs Bank. USA Salt Lake City branch. I'm Lester Holt tonight on dateline. Her disappearance made headlines across the country. Retrea the mom who vanished on Thanksgiving Day that video snowballed into this big mystery and your family is like right in the Middle Lovat. Kelsey would never ever have abandoned her baby never. I'm trying to find a missing person. The supervisor asked me to interview a girl named crystal. We didn't really have any idea who she was wall. She told us everything picking up things that were spotted. This woman knew about a murder covered up the things that were thrown into the fire by me were the belonging from healthy. How she could have stopped this from happening? He had a hold on her that he totally exploited in this whole thing is crazy. Took my breath away. Here's Andrea Canning win devils sparking Bomb chairs shared long cable. There's a hobby lobby thing. You're witnessing something highly unusual. A woman at the center of a murder investigation and reconstructing the scene of the gruesome crime. You only saw in here. What you cleaned up the her name is Christopher Lee Kenny former nurse and one time Rodeo queen a a mother of two small children were the key player in the murder case of another young mother? I also all the clothing that during watch carefully. is she a witness an accomplice or something else and was the sentence. She received last week Teheran. Just or just the opposite you call this making a deal with the double tonight. We'll take you inside the investigation instigation with new photos and video. You've never seen before. We'll hear from the investigators who cracked the case speaking publicly for the first time it was horrific and from family members living through it all giving their first ever interview. I still wait for the call. Healthy can't be gone. Our story begins with a most unremarkable seen in November twenty second two thousand eighteen. A mother with her baby was captured on security camera at a local store in Colorado. Buying last minute grocery groceries for Thanksgiving dinner but this video would go viral because it was the last time she was ever seen in public her name. Kelsey Berith MHM more than a week after that Thanksgiving Day. Chelsea's MOM Cheryl was home in Idaho with a nagging feeling. She last spoken to her daughter on the phone. Thanksgiving morning Kelsey was preparing to have dinner with her fiance Patrick phrasing and their daughter Kayleigh small. Basically she'd fixed kaley cinnamon rolls. Kind Kinda celebrate thanksgiving. And we didn't like them. She wanted the honey nut cheerios. Two days after that Cheryl received a text from Chelsea's phone saying I'll call you tomorrow But Kelsey didn't call at first. That wasn't surprising. Kelsey juggled motherhood as well as looking for a home so she and Patrick who lived on a ranch with his mom could move in together. She also had a demanding job as a flight instructor. She's a busy lady. She works long shifts. She spends a lot of time with Kalia picks alive to be a mom. A working. Mom Still Kelsey rarely went this long without calling so after about a week Cheryl called Chelsea's fiance Patrick Rick. He told her he'd last seen Kelsey on Thanksgiving Day when he'd picked up their daughter and then he said something that took Shero completely by surprise he told her Kelsey had called and had broken up with him and seemed to have taken off. I can't think of anywhere she's ever gone. She hasn't told me. This is the plan Dan. It's just not in her character. Just take off and begun. Shirl called to ask if we've heard from Kelsey and we hadn't Scott Kim more and more calcium aunt and uncle. The family was growing more anxious by the minute. I remember laying in bed just calling Kelsey phone leaving a message to have her call me. It was now ten days since Cheryl had last spoken with her daughter. She called the police what happened on day. One of this investigation December second was day. One show birth called in a missing person for Kelsey. Chris Adams is now with the Colorado Ratto Bureau of Investigation but back in December two thousand eighteen he was with the Woodland Park. PD and led the investigation into calcium disappearance. This this is his first time speaking out about the case and officers were dispatched. Initially went out to her house. Tried to make contact. Were unable to no one answers. Correct Cheryl's anxiety. Turn to panic. She and Chelsea's brother's set off for Colorado. She calls back and says Clinton I are flying down down prey. It's like chilling. Even just hearing you say that. Yeah as Chelsea's family agonized over her whereabouts. Investigators went back to her condo. We're just trying to find evidence where she may have gone. Did she leave behind her phone. Her purse anything that would be out of the ordinary. We never found her phone her purse or keys. Both vehicles were out in the driveway. She's got a black sedan and a Red Chevy truck also in the CONDO. Investigators instigators found Kelsey makeup bag. Something her family said she never travelled without him on the stove. Cold Cinnamon Buns. That evening realized certain things weren't add up the cars air but not the keys. She's a young mother. Kid Sort requested assistance from the FBI. And See Greg. That's when you enter the case. Yes Greg. Slater is also an agent with the Colorado Bureau of Investigation. He's been in law enforcement for thirty five years. This too is his first time speaking about the investigation. And what are your initial thoughts. You Know I. You're thinking all right. We have a missing mom check inside the House to see if there's any type of struggle that may have taken place. We recommended that they start calling around to local hospitals to see if she was there by now. Investigators had found a grocery store receipt on calcium kitchen table. It was dated November. Twenty second Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Day. They pulled the security footage from the grocery store and there was Kelsey. They started to build a timeline of her whereabouts. Meanwhile Cheryl and Kelsey brother arrived in Woodland Park and stayed at Chelsea's Condo they spoke with investigators Cheryl recalling her last conversation with Kelsey thanksgiving morning. She's been happy. She's been wanting to decorate for Christmas and excited about that. She was planning her Christmas list. Her the job was going well. Investigators also spoke with Chelsea's fiance. Patrick was Patrick Cooperative. He was Patrick told investigators the same thing he he told Cheryl he had last. Seen Kelsey Thanksgiving Day. He said he picked up. Baby Kaley in the alley by calcium home. He also went to the local credit union and Walmart Walmart intended to his cattle in the afternoon. Sure enough security camera footage showed him at the Credit Union and Walmart. Patrick also gave the investigators has cell phone. What do you find on Patrick? Phrase's phone. Who for the text message exchange between Patrick and Kelsey investigators gators found texts? That backed up his story that Kelsey had broken up with him on the phone. Two days after Thanksgiving Patrick had messaged if this is truly what you want. Don't respect your wishes and give space. Let me know if you change your mind. I'll leave you alone now. You can call me when you decide what you WANNA do. Text messages passages the day after showed calcium distress one. Read do you even love me and Patrick replied. Why would I bend over backwards and stand behind you through everything thing? If I didn't so to answer your question yes I do. He told investigators that was the last time he heard from her Chelsea's manager at the flight. White School said he also received a text from Chelsea's phone. What did it say not to expecter in there? She's going to visit her grandmother and investigators had to consider calcium profession and pilot. Did you look at airports that maybe she had taken a plane somewhere to get away. Personally I did no flight. Plans were filed no sightings of Kelsey to find Kelsey. The investigators needed to know more about her they dug deeper and uncovered complicated life. Where was Kelsey? We're treating Kelsey disappearance as a missing persons case at this time. Kelsey we just want you home. mm-hmm we won't quit looking a mystery West just beginning and one woman would hold the key. We didn't know how vital she was going to be. She was smart enough to realize that. I can't hide this part of me. Wants to strangle pardon wants to hugger fearless list determined. Always up for a challenge. That's what Chelsea's mom Cheryl was telling investigators about her daughter. Who Vanished on Thanksgiving Day? She's a good person. She's very dedicated very loyal reliable. She loves God could ask for a better daughter. Kelsey grew up up on her family's farm near Moses Lake Washington about one hundred miles from spokane Kelsey was a light. She lit up a room. She's she lit up your heart. Kelsey uncle Scott is a pastor at the Holmdale friends community. Church near Boise Idaho. He and his wife. Kim had a very close respond with Kelsey. This is their first and only interview about the case she. She was smart if she was determined to do something she fought. She put it Paul and she. She's an incredible woman to watch. You wanted to be with Kelsey. You wanted to hang out with her. You wanted to hear what she had to to say. At some point she's going to make you laugh. Kelsey discovered her lifelong passion at a very young age. She loved thinking about about flying from watching crop dusters on the farm. She actually wanted to be a crop duster yes for a time she that would have been her dream. Job for a time was being a crop duster. You don't hear that every day that I'm a little girl. No I think it was exciting. She was fascinated with it. She loved a challenge. After high school Kelsey enrolled in a flying program at her local community. College Kelsey graduated and eventually landed a job as a flight instructor structure in Spokane. She also dipped her toe in the world of online dating around Christmas. Two Thousand Fifteen. Someone piqued her interest his name and was Patrick phrasing. We knew he was a rancher. We knew he was successful at the time we knew that he was a Farrier as a farrier Patrick trich trimmed and shoot horse hooves lived on his family's ranch more than eleven hundred miles from Kelsey in fluorescent Colorado. But the distance didn't seem to matter sadder over the next year their relationship flourished. I think they were online interactions. For months he came down and they met each other in in person It was a few months later. We found out that she was heading to Colorado. In two thousand Seventeen Kelsey found work with doss aviation flight school for. US Air Force trainees. She was sort of getting the best of both worlds being able to fly be able to have a ranch. She'd loved being outdoors. So this was this was good. This is good news so you must have been happy for her and there was more good news. Calcium Patrick learned they. They were expecting show always wanted to be. A mom. Show is wanted to family pilot and family that October. They welcomed daughter Kayleigh. As soon as Kelly was born. She was loved in. May Two thousand eighteen Kelsey moved into a condo in Woodland Park. It was a twenty minute drive from Patrick's family ranch and the flight school was about an hour in the opposite direction. It was a stressful situation. As the new parents took turns carrying Kaley. Patrick was a hands on dad often taking Kayleigh with him on barrier job. Small Kelsey was away at work here. Diesel wool socks that he put on top off of her other socks. Clinton Kline a longtime client of Patrick's saw firsthand. How Patrick doted on his daughter? He had this'll jumpsuit far and he kept her where he could see her and he very good care of that little girl while one was working the other one had her and vice versa. They seem to have that going pretty well. So everything's coming together for Kelsey. Perhaps not everything as investigators put together their timeline. They found that by Thanksgiving thanks. Giving Kelsey appeared run down the day after the holiday. Patrick received a text from Chelsea's phone saying actually. Do you mind keeping Kaley tonight night. Sorry I'm really tired and stressed out. Call me in the morning when you guys wakeup Patrick replied with concern. Sure I don't mind what's going on are you okay. Do you need anything or can I do anything. The response seemed to come from an exhausted. Kelsey no I'm fine just worn born out. Talk to you guys tomorrow. Not long after that those tax dried up and no one seemed to know where Kelsey was but Patrick's friend Clinton and had an idea. He said he knew another side of Kelsey altogether. Coming up new questions surrounding Kelsey. Had she vanished before she disappeared for some time frame disappeared. He didn't know where she was and where was her God. One does that concern you at all. But the guns missing it does. When dateline continues mm-hmm as police stepped up the hunt for missing mom Kelsey Berith her disappearance? It's made the news. We are treating Kelsey disappearance as a missing persons case at this time. I just like to talk to you a little bit about Kelsey. She's not the kind that runs off. This is completely out of character. Kelsey we just want you home. Plus if he can't we won't quit looking. Patrick Patrick did not attend the news conference about his missing fiancee. Four days later police served a search warrant at his ranch lot of development over the weekend in the search for for that young Colorado mother who vanished mysteriously more than three weeks ago now on Patrick's ranch they took these photos being shown on. TV for the first time including this one Patrick's list of what he did. The day Kelsey disappeared. He'd written down picked up. Kaley ranch went to Walmart that and he puts check handle has been home. Having Thanksgiving Dinner Day had come in to check displays and they didn't find anything they were moving on. Did he sound up. Sat at all shouted concern but Patrick's friend. Clint wasn't especially concerned. That Kelsey was missing. He says Patrick had already confided to him. Kelsey Chelsea had issues and sometimes just took off by herself. Leaving Patrick in the baby she disappeared for some time. Frame disappeared. Here here know where she was. She laughed and then the next thing he knew she had checked into a rehab. What did he think happened during those days he he didn't know he just said that after she got out of the Rehab that first time she went into Rehab a second time is what he told me alcohol drugs? What are gathered was circle hall? Lent believed maybe Chelsea's Thanksgiving disappearance was another relapse of some kind. When you first heard that Kelsey had disappeared? Heared did your mind go back to those times that Patrick had told you about the fact that she would disappear. That's what my first thought was. Well she's in Rehab Begin somewhere and she'll show up twenty days or so. Whatever the Rehab timeframes are that she'll show back up but Kelsey we didn't show back up? You don't know anything about this woman. So is that one possibility that you have to consider that. She willingly disappeared that she took her own life. It is as the investigators instigators delved into Kelsey past. They didn't find any evidence of drug or alcohol abuse but did find about three months before Thanksgiving Kelsey Halcion had been to a clinic that treats depression. It's a facility in California where clients pay to go to get over some depression Sleep deprivation Anxiety things of that nature and it was a ten day clinic so it's just more to give Kelsey opportunity to get back to a position. She felt that she could function better Both as a mom and as a pilot Kelsey is not in the best frame of mind. She's ever ever been to go away from your child to go to a like a facility like that you know says to me. She needed to clear her head. I think she was just worn out out and she's trying to figure out. Why am I tired? Why am I feeling you know? Maybe a little depressed. A thousand miles away near Boise. Idaho Idaho Chelsea's family knew. She had bouts of fatigue but said her problems weren't bad enough to make her run away. I don't think she suffered from depression. More than anyone else does. Especially when you're so tired and new New Baby Nubia I would say down day you know. There's time she was more tired and needed some rest I would never put her in that category of depressed. She's definitely had a lot on her plate. She did Patrick had already told police he and Kelsey broke up over Thanksgiving. He said in the days that followed they continued texting to tie up loose ends in Kelsey decided to in their relationship but other than him returning property that belonged to Kelsey her car. Keys her gun. That was the extent of it. The whereabouts of Chelsea's gun was a cause for alarm especially when investigators recalled one of the text messages from Chelsea's phone to her mom on Thanksgiving. It read we went. Shooting today was so much fun. Shooting my gun again. Patrick is going to let me keep it. But when police searched Chelsea's home there was no sign of it. There's no gun in the CONDO. Kurt does that concern you at all. The guns missing it does is one of the things we look for once we learned about it but that could also lead possible suicide scenario that she might have used used the gun on herself. Here you had to seriously consider that we did. Yes but then something completely unexpected happened. That would change the trajectory and tone of the investigation. Chelsea's brother's made a worrying discovery in calcium condo a smudge on the bottom of the toilet violet. That looked like blood. Police hadn't noticed it when they'd been in the condo because they hadn't been looking for forensic evidence if the initial search we are just looking search for evidence of disturbance obvious In any anything that could lead us to work. Elsie is at the moment now. We don't get on her hands and knees lift things up. Look at the bottom of a toilet. We don't do that after. Finding the smudge on the toilet Cheryl and calcium brother took a closer look at the rest of the condo and found suspicious smears on the furniture and appliances. Does this now spark a full blown search of a Condo yes they sprayed Chelsea's bathroom with Blue Star agent a substance that glows on contact with blood suffice to say the bathroom glowed pretty well so that bathroom kind of lit up like a Christmas tree. Correct Chelsea's home was now being treated as a crime scene. The experienced investigators began to suspect she'd been murdered and teams of local state and federal law enforcement agencies descended on the Condo then suddenly suddenly eight hundred miles away there was a baffling new development. That would break the case wide. Open coming up A startling clue from Kelsey cell phone. Chelsea's phone give a location near gooding. Idaho are you thinking. Maybe she's in Idaho right now. That's an intriguing new lead. Enter the Rodeo Queen of Magic Valley. You're really starting to connect dots now. Yes As police in Colorado continued to search for CALC- barrack the trail led unexpectedly to Idaho. Chelsea's phone you. Give a location near Gooding Idaho November twenty fifth at about five thirteen in the afternoon. Calcium phone had pinged off a cell phone tower near this Idaho Gorge George so even though her condo was being treated as a crime scene investigators how to consider the possibility that Kelsey might still be alive and on the move. Are you thinking. Maybe she's in Idaho right now. Maybe she decided to get away and didn't tell anybody any idea where she would have been going Sunni theories about what was in Idaho. Her parents live in. The News. Reached Chelsea's aunt and Uncle Kim and Scott. When you heard that Chelsea's phone had pinged in Idaho? Did that give you just even a glimmer of hope that maybe our instincts are wrong. Maybe she's okay. It did for just a minute. Yeah but it it pinged in the wrong part of Idaho. Chelsea's parents lived in northern Idaho. Her phone pinged in the southern part of the state. And when you leave Colorado and you head to northern Idaho you go through Montana. You don't go through southern Idaho. Kelsey had no reason to be in this part of the state. It just doesn't make sense. That was not the route. Took in the rout though investigators asked the local sheriff's department to check. Check out the location of the pain but they didn't find Kelsey so that dashed your hopes right there. But there was an Idaho connection and when Patrick turned over his cell phone to police they found in Idaho number in his call history and they learned the number belong to a woman. Why did she stick out out this woman in particular the timing of a phone call after the last thing on the twentieth it was? I WANNA say ten minutes gone by between when Chelsea's phone last pain in Idaho that Patrick's records showed this tool eight area code phone number. The woman's name was crystal Lee Kenny. So that it's just this this bizarre timing of and this Idaho connection correct correct and crystal lives in Idaho. Yes crystal and what she might know about. Calcium disappearance suddenly became the most important lead in the investigation. Gatien are you learning more about crystal. Who is she yes? We knew that she had a family that was about it. She didn't have a criminal history or anything like that. Active on social media to an extent into horses ranching that lifestyle. What was her personality like very loving very caring? Laura Stutzman is a friend of crystals and has known her since she was ten years old. She really is the type of girl who would give you with the sheriff of her back crystal worked at a local hospital as a senior registered nurse. She wasn't just a nurse she was good nurse anything crystal did she did it very well. In her early twenties she was even crowned Rodeo Queen of Magic Valley. A title awarded for Beauty. horsemanship chipped and good character. which made her something of a local celebrity? Is it like a really big deal. would she Julia Roberts in two thousand. I don't know my she would probably thicker Julia Roberts because everybody knew and loved crystal. Laura said Rodeo Queens means and body tradition and local people call the Cowboy Code Cowboy Code is living life correctly. It's helping your fellow man. It's helping your neighbor is just being downright and good person honesty integrity community. God You bet. In short crystals crystals seemed like the last person who'd be mixed up in the disappearance of Kelsey Berith nevertheless investigators had to check her out. Because of what they've found in Patrick's call history. What are you seeing between their two phones crystal and Patrick Phone calls? I couldn't put a number on it. Especially from that December twenty seven twenty fifth through December fourth critical critical areas. Yes you're really starting to connect dots now correct. What does that tell? Oh you right there. We need to talk to crystal and find out what's going on by now. The feds were involved in the case an FBI special agent was about to give crystal a call coming up. She says I have no idea who Kelsey Paradis Crystal tells her story Corey and one thing becomes crystal clear. She lied and we could refute. Those lies easily is crystal realizing she's in a whole lot of trouble. Yes when dateline continues. FBI special agent. John Grossing had joined the investigation into Kelsey barracks disappearance and was now dialing the number of the Idaho nurse named Christopher Lee Kenny. When he reached her she was with a group of friends in Las Vegas attending the National Finals Rodeo the Super Bowl of Rodeo identified myself as the FBI said we are looking for a person named Kelsey Peres? She says I have no idea who Kelsey Barrett this the FBI agent kept probing asking crystal if she knew anything about Kelsey cell phone that had pinged off a tower near an Idaho. Gorge I ask her. Are you you aware of the phone. And she says that she heard about it from the news and I said okay. We'll the gorge is only about twenty miles from your house from what we see and she quickly said No. I live at least an hour I don't live near any gorge crystal. was hiding something if you had nothing to do with this. Why are you distancing yourself from a Gord? Wanted any of that make any difference and so I asked again. Did you had no relationship with Kelsey. You didn't know who she was if you ever met her. It's absolutely not no the more they talked. The more suspicious he became. Her story was not solid to start out with first and then got worse as we went on the investigators wondered what crystal might be covering up. She initially said that she didn't know Patrick. But when confronted with well we saw your phone own number in his phone at that point where we have a business relationship and she said she had last talked to Patrick Month or month and a half ago. She couldn't be sure you're the agent asked of crystal had seen Patrick in person. She said well. They texted each other. Happy Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving and crystal stole decided that she would drive down from twin falls Christa told agent grossing. She made the trip because a few months prior she and Patrick had bought a horse horse together and crystal wanted Patrick to buy her out. They both paid four thousand dollars and crystal decided she wanted to use that four thousand dollars to find a new the home but when she arrived in Colorado. Patrick wasn't available so she said she went and slept gestation until he was ready to meet her. She told you'll be agent that in the early afternoon she finally met up with Patrick to talk business. They talked about her selling her half of the horse. He said it's not a good time because he hurt his back. So at five o'clock she gets back in her car and she drives thirteen hours back home. Gruesome put himself in that situation. Something about her story didn't add up. I would be very upset that I drove thirteen hours. He spends four hours with me and I have to drive. Thirteen back said. Why don't you upset about that absolutely not? I was just happy to see Patrick. And he sent a thank. You note to thank you taxed and everything's good between us. The agent wondered if crystals relationship with Patrick was more than just professional said okay. Do you have a personal relationship with Patrick absolutely not and I said okay. Investigators had also gathered cell phone data showing not just calls and texts but locations to we knew that there was a lot of communication education between crystal. And Patrick Leahy also knew that Chelsea's phone may have been also with crystal. Do you confront crystal. When do with what you know now? Now we do say you traveled the same time. Basically that Chelsea's phone winds up that I'm just having a hard time figuring out. I said Patrick ever get in your car. Maybe he dropped the phone in your car trying to give her a reason about this phone. She said that's highly unlikely. It looked like crystal had taken CALC- he's phone to Idaho but why the investigator pulled his net tighter. Said are your texts crystal between you and Patrick only dealing dealing with horses. What are they? She goes there only dealing with horses. I said good. Would you mind if we verified that on your phone. And she said now so at this point she felt uncomfortable. Wanted to end the interview. And that's about where we stopped by the time she finished her call with the FBI. Agent Crystal was the focus of the investigation. Investigators knew they had to confront her in person because she lied. And because we could refute those lies easily they traveled to Idaho so the FBI. I myself and twin falls police department. Go Up to crystal Dory we knock on the door and she comes to the door and deuce ourselves and said we want to talk to her and Crystal voluntarily says yeah come on in we we step inside and talk to her at the couches. Police officers are around and say we have a search warrant here and I said like to talk to see you again. I'm the one that talked to you on the phone. As they stood in crystals home the investigators realized they had leverage a storm remember. Her daughter with huge huge is looking to see what's going on. She was such a family person. She was a charge nurse head nurse their small town nice the house. She had so much to lose by lying and I tell her those things. You have a lot to lose. We know you lied. How she reacting to awesome? She's just sitting there very attentive Not saying much shaking her head agreeing. Uh At that point we just say to her. We know you have a story to provide and we want to hear your story in the end crystal decided to get herself a lawyer and the the investigators left is crystal realizing she's in a whole lot of trouble. Yes Crystal told friends about her situation and it wasn't long before word. Got Out thirty two year old crystal. Kenny you get word that. The police have zeroed in on a woman in Idaho who may have knowledge about what happened to Kelsey. This is a big moment in this case. What are you learning? We learned about her taking the phone. Transporting the phone finally clicked. Oh that makes sense. Why it's in Idaho? And so you know the first question is why. Why would you be involved in this soon? Crystal met again with investigators with her new lawyer present. It was confession time coming up. This is a very important. Don't interrogation Guess Crystal and Patrick. Patrick had some sort of hold on her love and secrets she learns. That Patrick has a daughter. She's kind of like dumbfounded by the whole thing crystal was incensed that Patrick had a baby that he didn't tell her about Crystal Elite Kenny knew. She'd been caught in a series of lies three weeks after Kelsey was reported missing crystal hired a lawyer and went to Colorado for another meeting meeting with investigators. We knew that there was some information that she was going to share with us. We didn't know the exact specifics. This is a very important interrogation to US juice. And that gave crystal some leverage before she talked crystal told them she wanted to make a deal with the local district attorney before before her statement. We didn't know anything. Jennifer vehement is one of the prosecutors who got the case she had to provide a full and complete statement Statement about what happened. Tell US everything. Tell the truth and and come back and testify. When it's needed crystal until promised to do all that and in return prosecutors offered a plea deal a charge carrying a maximum sentence of three years in prison? I think we didn't didn't know the extent of how vital she was going to be to the entire story about what happened to Kelsey birth but they were about to find out plea deal in place crystal started to spill. First of all she confessed her relationship with. Patrick swayze was about a lot more than buying horses and this has been an ongoing on again off again relationship since two thousand six crystal said she. I met Patrick at a dance. When she was twenty that he was her verse true love and she fell hard obsessed with them? Twitter paid it. I think was your term. What was it twitter paid it? I was a term she used. He's what does that mean. The world's great here I am. You know handsome guy. She says she says to us that he appreciated her. You know hey it's nice to have you out here her with me hurting. CATTLEMAN fixing fence crave has improved disapproval. She talked about that. He seemed real power for women. I think the women that he eh after shirt style he did the. Yeah they liked the cowboy. Life's ranching lifestyle as smitten is crystal was with Patrick Metric. He didn't reciprocate. They fell at a touch she got married and had two children but crystal said she never forgot her. First True Love in two thousand fifteen. She rekindled her relationship with Patrick and they started an affair. She got pregnant by him and ended the pregnancy after. She says he got angry at the news after another pause in their relationship crystal reconnected with him when she made a trip to Colorado in two thousand eighteen after she was divorced she she wanted to be with Patrick she wanted to him to totally have love for her. It's not even like she lived down the street. She's driving thirteen hours each time to do this one way. Patrick had some sort of hold on her. That it's rare to see it out there but Patrick had a secret mm-hmm crystal had no idea he was engaged and had a new baby. Crystal did not know about Kaley did not know about Kelsey. So there's no mention At all of Kelsey or Kelly. That all changed a couple of months later fast forward to June of two thousand eighteen when crystals having breakfast actress with some friends she learns. That Patrick has a daughter and she's kind of like dumbfounded by the whole thing but she plays it off by while you know didn't know anything about it and no big deal but about three months before Kelsey went missing in crystal lead onto Patrick that she knew and she simply tells them. I know about the baby Nobel. Kaley You don't have to tell me anything about it if you don't want to but you gotTa know that I know about her at first crystal was incensed that Patrick Cata baby that he didn't tell her about and then she came around to start giving him baby toys and baby clothes and she saw what a good dad he the And they talked about the baby. She said that's when Patrick can find it to her. That fiancee was a deeply troubled woman. You Tells Crystal Kelsey Scott all these problems. She's she's this alcoholic. She's a bad mother. She beats the baby he started telling crystal that Kelsey wasn't abusive mom that he had people watching Kelsey and that he was concerned that Kelsey was going to hurt the baby. If not worse crystal Plame. She told Patrick to report CALC- to the authorities. She said that Patrick said he did go to the police. But Calcium family is influential and the police won't do anything. He's filed complaints with Department of Human Services over. The abuse has gone to the hospital with her is tried to file police reports but nobody will take him seriously. Crystal said Patrick seemed beside himself. You know I can't trust her. She's a drunk she's not working. She's not doing anything she would tell us in the the interview no I I was trying to protect the baby. I didn't want her to hurt the baby. So that's how this whole plan hatches if you will with Crystal Killing Kelsey Chelsea to get rid of her to protect Kaley coming up poison coffee deadly plot to kill because and buys a caramel no Machi auto from starbucks and then she goes up to Kelsey store and knocks on the door. Some terrifying turns lie ahead SPOTTED WHEN dateline continues from Emmy winning filmmaker. Joe Berlinger comes comes a new season of wrong man. The life changing stars Docu series examined cases of inmates who have been incarcerated and claimed have been wrongly convicted a a group of experts take us on a riveting real time investigation to uncover new evidence. Track down key witnesses and look at possible new suspects will it lead to the truth. Three new cases three claims of innocence. One last chance wrong man is available now on stars and the stars APP. It's the New Year which means everyone is recommitting to the grind but you can be productive every second of the day or you'll burn out which is why when I needed mental pallet. Cleanser my go-to refresher is is best. Fiends best means is a five star rated mobile puzzle game and it's easy to see why it has all those great reviews easy enough that anyone can catch on quickly but but challenging enough that it keeps my brain focus on the gameplay which by the way superfund you're playing with these cute little bugs that you have to collect more of to reach the next level. It's extremely addictive addictive. In the best way you can play off line too so best. Beans is great for travel on a plane train. Wherever you find yourself engage your brain with fun puzzles and collect tons of characters actors with best fiends? Trust me with over one hundred million downloads. This five star rated mobile puzzle game is a must play download best fiends for free on the apple APP store or or Google play. That's friends without our best means a Crystal Lee Kenny was sitting face to face with investigators about to make an extraordinary confession. I think that she knew that we had plenty of evidence against her and I think that she was smart enough to realize that. I can't hide this anymore. And this time it was about so much more than a longtime love affair with Patrick swayze. It's like every turn in this case you're getting a new clue. Correct Crystal told them it all began in the summer of two thousand eighteen when she became convinced that Kelsey Barrett was unstable cruel and a danger to her daughter. She said she was determined to help Patrick. So in September she traveled to Colorado and together. They hatched a plan plant to get rid of Kelsey. They talk about how people can die from. You know overdosing on drugs and whatnot their plan crystal will. The nurse would use prescription drugs to poison. Chelsea's coffee she says. I I can get some Valium Ambien. Maybe I can get those things. Jason Stir it in crystal went to starbucks and bought a Caramel macchiato for Kelsey. That's her favorite coffee drink. So that's what crystal does. She goes and buys as a CARAMEL macchiato from starbucks and parks in an alleyway and then she goes up to Kelsey door and knocks on the door she. She introduces herself as Cassie Johnson. She has she already has an alias. She goes. I'm new to the neighborhood and you put my dog back in the yard. I just wanted to thank you with this. This coffee Kelsey takes the coffee but says I didn't help with your dog She gives Crystal gives Kelsey her phone number and says I'd love to have a play date with you and I have a nephew and Kelsey Snell. My daughter's only ten months old. I don't think we're going to do a play date crystal Christa left but cousy didn't die. Patrick calls and says what happened. He was very angry. He said much angrier words in that and she says what are you talking about. He said she's fine. Did you not poison the coffee. And she says well. Maybe she didn't drink it crystal crystal set a guilt trip followed and so he said if you're going to let her kill the baby then that's on you but that wasn't the end of it. No there was a second attempt this time. A crystal said the plan involved beating Chelsea with a metal pipe to Hanser metal pipe and says this is not that hard when she comes out of the House you hit her in the back go ahead so there's not a lot of blood. She's to beat her and put her in a dumpster and push down. The road crystal takes the metal pipe. She drives to Kelsey place she. It tells us that she parks the car. She's getting out of your car Chelsea's place with the pipe and she hears a dog bark and she gets scared and jumps back in the car and goes and take snap at the CONACO and then Patrick calls her and she says I'm not the right person to do this. And then again he goes. Maybe you don't love the baby but this still isn't the end of it. No Crystal told them a third murder plot took shape when Kelsey returned to her condo after handing over Kaley to Patrick Crystal was supposed to ambush her the third attempt I can unfortunately still see my brain from crystal describing it so well because he tells her to use a baseball bat and quote. Just go to swinging so crystal takes an aluminum bat from her house. In twin falls she drives and she goes instance in Kelsey Front Yard with about in her hand waiting for Kelsey to come home from a baby exchange and she gets out of her car and she sitting on a planter sees a police car drive by. Here's some people and again please. This whole thing is crazy. Yeah just a picture. Her a head nurse sitting with a baseball bat waiting to hit someone in the back of the head. I just still have that image in my mind. I it just bizarre. She she saw. Patrick had this same angry reaction. After she failed on the third attempt he gave her a litany of reasons of why she failed putting more guilt on her crystal claimed she acted only because Patrick four-star to it was Patrick who devised the three schemes to murder Kelsey and she told the investigators she tried to push back. She claimed she asked Patrick if he wanted to kill Kelsey so badly why didn't he do it himself she asked why. Why aren't you taking care of this? And he said you kidding everybody would know. It's me if something happens to her. She said Patrick countered with threats against her and even her children. She said she was scared of patron. If she didn't do it if Patrick's willing to kill Kelsey what would happen to crystal. That's when the outlandish story filter down to Chelsea's family. They too were dumbfounded. The story is so crazy when you think about crystal driving to Woodland Park and I it's going to be. She shows up at the door with coffee than than it's a lead pipe. That's baseball bat. How do you wrap your head around that? I don't think we can. I'll never be able to understand it. Investigators believed they had an inkling. She was madly in love with Patrick and that overruled all her common sense in her judgment even so the FBI agent believed achieved crystal was still responsible. Each of us have that choice. Whether we decide do I have to do this. But according to crystal she didn't have the choice coming. The call basically is you need to come now. A horrifying discovery at Chelsea's Condo over the four. She just walks into this house in her own words. It was horrific And Kristie Kenney had given investigators the incredible account of how three times she had planned to kill Kelsey Barra as as bad as that all sounded. It was about to get even worse. She told them on Thanksgiving Day while at home in Idaho with her family her phone lit up with a message from Patrick. She waits until late in the day to finally call him and then the call basically is you need to come now. You have a mess to clean up. Does he explain what the message snow. No the following day crystal said she continue you to follow Patrick's orders just as she'd been doing all along she got ready. She brings supply cleaning supplies. He asks her to to supplies Fleiss. He doesn't specifically ask you to bring supplies. He just says come prepared in crystal gathered what she thought she'd need she brought A Cover all outfit that they would wear at the hospital to prevent blood borne pathogens and blood through uniforms. Booties a Hairnet In a box of gloves along with trash bags and some bleach. This sounds like it's out of an episode of Dexter. That's a good analogy. Yes so she thinks that I might be going to clean up a crime scene. She doesn't really say it. I mean you don't bring bleach and so that's what you're taking vacation crystal borrowed the friends Volkswagen Passat and once again drove the thirteen hours to Colorado. I don't think she was certain to Kelsey was dead because he had told her. I can't be the one to do this. And so he had her try to do it for three times. Then why would he go ahead and do it now. So she was very conflicted in her. Drive down there. But she told told the investigators when she got to Colorado Patrick removed all doubt. She said he confessed. He'd killed Kelsey and had hidden her body she said Patrick Patrick told her where to find. Keys to Chelsea's CONDO. She picked them up and went inside. What does she say that she saw in her Own Words as soon as she opens a door. It was horrific. And she didn't just tell the investigators. They brought her to Calcio Condo so she could show them on video wpro crystal stepping inside the condo again. This time dressed in a law enforcement hoodie and and Cap Crystal was transformed into the kind of witness. Investigators could only hope for a she led tour of the crime scene with agents. Slater talking over the Does she see body. No she doesn't see the body at that point doesn't work Kelsey. Is She just walks into this house that she again Says is just a horrific scene and then she said she got to work hanging towels over the kitchen window so she couldn't be seen by passersby. We serve I think she used a broom handle to show how high the blood blood splatter was on the walls at times. She seemed emotional apparently fighting back tears. I'm here I haven't seen here and it was all down here. I know that I didn't gets. She told investigators among the things she discovered she. He cleaned was a tooth remember. We're to close Around the school was and as she cleaned she said Patrick called with more instructions. Specifically saying make sure you pick up the stuff that stuff Tells he tells her to wash stuff if he if she can't. She can't do that that so she's got trash bags her own trash bags and the trash bags of Chelsea's to remove debris that's soaked in blood or has blood on if they can't clean Some of Keighley's stuffed animals had blood on them. I'm drapes the drapes. Several other items crystal said the cleanup took about four hours then. She drove to sonic and captured on security camera bought food for herself for Patrick and the baby doc. Per Day wasn't nearly done. There was much more dirty work ahead coming up. You also collected would input into the Birkett Crystal leads investigators to another crime scene more disturbing than the last. He's like we started at this. We're going to finish it. When Dateline Continues Crystal Lee County story was stranger than fiction here? The nurse from Idaho Oh had turned on her longtime boyfriend. Patrick swayze telling investigators. She cleaned the bloody condo after. Patrick Murdered Kelsey there. We're going to ship the the now. She would tell them what she and Patrick did with calcium body. She said he'd hidden it inside a black plastic tote box on a stack of Hay bales at a local ranch. They both drive out to the Nash. Ranch and recover Kelsey is remains. Bring it back to Patrick's place where they burn the body crystal took investigators on another video tour this one of Patrick's ranch where she and Patrick took the tote box. We brought the tope here. We unloaded the Toke Crystal. said she and Patrick Place the box into a makeshift burn pit. You also collected would input input into the burnt hit. At which time he uses. A gas can opens up the lid of the tote and pours gasoline and oil inside and then ignites the fire match. Is it a booking matches or a lighter a match. She said the fire reached with vicious intensity the flames leaping high as some of the trees crystal gathered the trash bags of bloody item. She taken from the Condo and they throw the trash bags in so they're very evidence conscious. I also all the parents shoes that I've been waiting I believe that all of that. I had Austria. Even some of Chelsea's most precious books were tossed into the flames. Do you remember what the books were just. A one of them was her She said that she stood there for hours. As Patrick was churning the fire and making it burn even so not everything everything burned. Investigators most chilling discovery at the burnside. Was this a tooth fragment as she stood with Patrick watching the flames crystal said she didn't want to be there. She kept wanting to go. She kept asking to go from there. I told him he's like no. We started this. We're going going to finish it. So obviously he's bring her in as partner in the homicide and their partnership continued. Patrick directed crystal to take some of calcium belongings mornings with her to Idaho and help create a false trail of evidence. What does he tell her to do with these? According to crystal he said well you're gonNA take the gun we're GONNA get rid of it. You're going to get rid of her phone. You're going to get rid of the purse crystal confessed. She took Halcion's phone and turned it on as she drove home. Aw that's why Kelsey phone pinged near the gorge in Idaho. She also sent text messages. Like the one saying. Do you even love me to make it. Appear Kelsey was in some kind of distress then. She burned the phone person content. Okay those were burned wear So that was crystal story driven by love and fear she cleaned the crime. Scene Helped Burn Chelsea's body and destroyed. Crucial she'll evidence but crystal wanted to make one thing clear she said it was Patrick. WHO murdered Kelsey? and to prove she was telling the truth she pointed to more evidence that would turn the tables on Patrick because as thoroughly as she mopped and wiped Chelsea's condo she told investigators she deliberately shortly left spots of blood for them to find where you did you. Oh you anywhere else after about about twelve hours of questioning. The investigators were astonished crystal had drawn in vivid detail. The anatomy of Kelsey births murder murder. Do you believe that that Patrick swayze was really the the mastermind that that he was the puppeteer. Yes Crystal yes. Patrick is the one who is manipulating. elating her the whole time Patrick's the one that wanted Kelsey killed Patrick's the one who actually killed Kelsey. I believe crystal was a fool. I believe Patrick Trick was the murderer about a month. After that Thanksgiving Day when Kelsey went missing Patrick swayze was arrested and charged with first degree murder solicitation Elissa tation to murder and tampering with the deceased body. Is this a big sigh of relief. Knowing that there had been interested. Yes it relief because there was hope that he wasn't going to get away with it at the same time sadness that her death was a little more real this is. It's kind of that moment that it really is starting to hit really isn't coming on in November. Almost one year after Kelsey went missing. Patrick swayze would go on trial for her murder and a jury would decide if crystal was is telling the truth or if she was lying coming up case rested on her shoulders the concern was she believable. What really happened? That day of the murder powerful new details from the prosecutor's star witness. He saw jurors crying. You saw people in the audience. Cry Nine took my breath. WHO WANT TO BE President? I've watched many candidates for their party's ladies nomination but only a few knew how to get it for this microphone. My podcast is about what it takes to get the nomination. Six episodes six timeless Louis themes that separate the few winners from the many losers the hope still lives and the dream shall never die so you want to be president with Chris Matthews and MSNBC NBC. PODCAST search now wherever you're listening and subscribe episode four available now in November two thousand nineteen here at the old county courthouse in the mountains of Colorado after months of pretrial hearings. One of which was videotaped. Patrick freezing went on trial for the murder of Kelsey Berra. This one probably ahead more twists and turns in almost any case of ever seen This one had more motion to it than almost any case seen district attorney. Dan May lead the prosecution acution team with Jennifer vehement and bath read. They assembled an arsenal of evidence against Patrick and dozens of witnesses including their star witness crystal Lee Kenny whom they recorded on video. Did you feel anything was weak in your case going in that you had to worry about personally. I think would probably be the biggest concern that we would have the whole case rested on her shoulders and phone records. So I think the concern was She believable they thought they could make crystal credible by explaining how Patrick manipulated her. For example crystal said Patrick Trick told. Her Kelsey was abusing their baby and he'd reported her to police. In fact there was no police report it was all a lie. He's he's claiming she was an alcoholic and abusive mother. She was showing up for work. All of that is untrue. Then they they would try to prove crystals story with hard evidence like threatens Ix and digital records starting with Calcio condo police photos showed smears where crystal said she wiped away blood from furniture and appliances. And it kind of gives you some include. Because you're seeing all kinds of blood in the floorboards of her wooden floor you a DNA expert testified it was a match to Chelsea's blood. CBI Agent Greg Slater took the stand crystal claims that she left complied on the baby gate and on the fireplace. Did you believe her well. I can't doubter because the evidence speaks for itself does show that that's his blood and without her telling us that we would never have known it. was there crystal also told law enforcement later that day. She met Patrick at a gas station when she tells us We met at the CONACO station in fluorescent. Let's go to the Conoco's station unless if we can find video lo and behold we find nvidia here in video seen for the first time on. TV crystal can be seen driving up in the Black Volkswagen twenty minutes later. Patrick pulled up to to a pump in his red pickup truck. He felt a canister with gasoline. Which Crystal told investigators he used to burn? Chelsea's body a gas canister just like the one in the video was found on Patrick's property things are matching. Things are matching up but things weren't matching up for Patrick's Thanksgiving Day Alibi. His story consistently was on the twenty second. I picked up Kailua around noon from Chelsea's apartment and I left and that's the last time I saw her consistently he says I never went into Chelsea's house his story was that he was tending to his cows. At the the time Kelsey was believed to have been murdered. He puts himself Out with the cattle that afternoon miles away from woodland part when the murder happened but prosecutors presented images that showed Patrick was lying. A security camera caught Patrick's truck passing by a furniture store near Chelsea's Condo Rondo around the time of the murder and shots from a neighbor security camera captured. Patrick had Chelsea's home multiple times also during that period he he is walking in and out because we have the photos from the next door neighbor from that seeing carrying Kaley several times is he's going on that same in one frame Kelsey is visible visible her hair tied in a neat bun and carrying a point set of plant the last image of her alive as the prosecutors continue to oppress their case. They told the jury Patrick Cellphone also placed him near Chelsea's Condo at the time. She was murdered. Patrick may two phone calls around four thirty on the afternoon of the twenty second when he was supposedly not even there and those phone calls are being made on the tower that served the cell phone tower. That services Kelsey. I'll see Barrett's house cellphone records from the following day exposed more of Patrick phrases lies consistently all day on the twenty third Kelsey Barris Cell Phone and Patrick Phrase's cellphone. We're together and remember. He said he hasn't even seen her. Further cellphone. Analysis Bore Out Crystal Story that Patrick had given her Chelsea's phone and it's only when crystal Lee comes to town and Patrick swayze provides crystalise with Kelsey cell phone. Do you see see the patterns. Then change and Kelsey cellphone travels along with crystalline back to Idaho where she ultimately destroys it on November twenty fifth wing. She's she's telling us that yes. I turned Chelsea's phone off. I turned it on at this point on my trip back. I turned it on at this point on my trip back doc. I sent a text message at this point I sent a Patrick called me. At this point that matches all the information that we have as for where Kristal said. Patrick stored Chelsea's body after murdering her a cadaver dog trained to sit. When it's scented human death did exactly that Crystals Walkthrough of Patrick's ranch was also played in court in graphic detail. She testified how they burned. Calcio Body did that. Yield any clues that you I felt were really important. Crystal go straight. who were that? Burn area was and says this is where she was burnt and they essentially essentially excavate that area and remove all the dirt in and there. You see what I would almost describe as a burn scar. There's melted melted plastic in the ground as for the murder itself. The courtroom fell silent as crystal describe what Patrick told her about. Kelsey barest horrific thank last moments once inside her condo on Thanksgiving Day according to crystal. Patrick told Kelsey he wanted to play a game with some scented candles so he comes up with. This ploy smell the candles. And tell me which one is which sent on the candles. And then he blindfolds or with one of our own sweaters so she's now bent Dover smelling those candles when he pulls the bat out a baseball bat. I'll bet he thought that would knock her out on the first blow in it didn't He is beating her and be ear and beating her prosecutors played the video of crystal pointing out the blood splattering all the jury understood. These little spots are her bat blows to her head and each time he's pulling the back the back above him. It is throwing spots of blood all the way back into the kitchen is. He's coming back down for another blow. The courtroom was getting sadly a real visual real visual to have what happened in this condominium. A blood spattered expert witness confirmed the worst first and then I asked him. How many times do you think you'd better with that Bat? And he said His estimate would be ten to fifteen times or more another another sickening moment in the trial came when the prosecution showed the jury the Tooth fragment found at the burn site and crystal added one more heart rending in detail she said Patrick described her. The hardest part of the tire time watching crystal testify. Here's the question do you know what Chelsea's last words were in tears. Crystals said the words. Please stop that was that that was the below that rocked my world again so to hear that those were the words that he continued took my breath away. I don't know that I'm breathing yet. All during the murder crystal crystal testified baby Kaley was in the condo that just torn everybody. There were times that you saw jurors crying. There were times you saw people in the audience audience crying. I know we were times. The prosecution's case was clear. Patrick frizzy had killed Kelsey in the most sadistic manner torched her body so that her remains would never be found and then covered it up. At least that was crystal story. Now the stage was set for Patrick's defense. Vince team to go after her. Coming up this is a woman who has admitted to covering up a murder. We didn't ask the jury to like her. We just ask them to listen to her would they. I just could not believe that. She was persuaded sir. MANIPULATE dateline continues The Colorado courtroom had heard shocking evidence. Patrick swayze had bludgeoned to death. His Fiancee Kelsey Z.. Berith and burned her body now. It was the defensive. Turn to try and shred the prosecution's case by targeting crystal the more guilty she appeared to to a jury the less guilty Patrick might appear if you believe crystal story than the evidence is overwhelming. If you don't buy off crystal story than the evidence is not overwhelming plain simple. Done Patrick. Phrase's friend Clint client attended the trial. The only time crystal finally so-called told the truth was when she was approached by the FBI and the Colorado Bureau of Investigation and told that they had enough on her that she was going to go away for for probably the rest of her locks. He says crystal told her story to investigators only after law enforcement caught her lying. She got honest after sure. She got called under tough cross examination crystal again admitted how three times she drove. Eight hundred miles from Idaho to Colorado Colorado and back with plans to kill Kelsey. If Crystal was telling the truth. The defense team said it was an outrage that she had never wants to law enforcement about about the murder plans. She was part of not once until she was caught. How long neither did she tell a soul about the pools of blood? She had cleaned up the spattered wall. She bleached the blood-soaked soaked evidence. She got rid of Patrick's defense pointed out. How callous crystal was laying a false text? Message trail and taking Chelsea's phone to Idaho. Hope where she burned it. You sat in court every day. You heard all the evidence. If Patrick swayze didn't kill Kelsey than did income income to your own conclusion on that you either bought crystal story or you didn't Buy Crystal Story and you didn't have. I didn't crystals credibility had been the main concern sern of the prosecution team. This is a woman who's lied before this woman who has admitted to covering up murder. She's done done a lot of bad things so it would be easy for the jury to not like crassly term. And maybe not trust her within a surgery to like her We just asked them to listen to her. And in the matchup what she says with the other pieces of evidence that we had Bob Christie and Dennis who want us to use only their first names sat on the jury as crystal described. How Patrick instructed her three times to murder Kelsey some some of the things that went through my mind when crystal was testifying was I was thinking she could've stopped us? What were you thinking thinking? I just could not believe that she was persuaded or manipulate. She seemed like a very intelligent person. It's unconceivable out. He can get into that position. This is hard to understand Everything about this is hard to understand understand. The jurors also blamed crystal for covering up the murder instead of calling the police. How chilling was it to see the video of crystal in Chelsea's Condo during that? Walk through. I think her saying she is. She put towels over. The kitchen. Window was probably probably one of the harder things for me. Because you know that's really you know what you're doing you know you're hiding showed me. She was complicit. Yeah when and she walked in that condo she could have called the police. Right that to summon court crystal artfully minimized her own role to make sure all the blame would fall on. Patrick swayze do you think crystal told the whole story No I just didn't buy that. I think that she was not completely honest with her. How complicit she was? This is a woman who came potentially came close to killing Kelsey herself three times three three times senior pipe baseball bat. She talked about being afraid of him but then she said after she went ended the Condo. She said that she she didn't believe that he could actually do it. So those two statements didn't Mash to me. The defense argued crystal story was shaky and so with some of the prosecution's evidence. They argued the security camera. Images is showing Patrick. Entering and leaving Chelsea's Condo on Thanksgiving Day didn't necessarily match the time they were saved to the security system and that apparently apparently damning tooth regiment. Not so fast. Were you able to match that tooth to Kelsey. No It's examined by forensic anthropologists us. They could determine that it was female N. A. But they couldn't develop a profile sue. The tooth evidence wasn't the slam dunk. They had hoped for but as the jurors rustled Russell with the evidence and crystals testimony. They weren't prepared for what came next. The trial was about to reach. Its climax with a new witness. Who would stunned the courtroom coming up from behind? Prison walls perhaps the most sinister plot of all there were threats very specific threats and the verdict does. Your Heart's are beating really. I couldn't breathe. I remember checking my pulse on a chilly November day one year to the week after Kelsey Berith went missing after a meticulous investigation from Colorado to Idaho and and after the damning testimony of his former girlfriend Christie Lee. Kenny thirty-three-year-old Patrick swayze would soon learn if he would spend the rest of his life behind bars for a monstrous premeditated murder. I was dreading like what. If how how our family going to handle if they they say not guilty there could be one person on that jury who maybe didn't believe he was capable of that as nervous as Chelsea's family was As the trial came to a close there was something. They hadn't counted on a new witness for the prosecution right before trolley calls actually for me Eh. He was Jacob Bentley. He'd been housed next. Patrick frizzy in jail and they became buddies after he got out. Bentley came forward with a mind blowing story about some notes. Razi slipped to him. The substance of this note some written on Jail Napkins some written on paper or essentially essentially asking to assist Patrick and killing a number of witnesses. That are set to testify against him in this trial. It was a hit list with Patrick swayze offering to to pay Bentley for arranging to kill those named most of the notes. Seen here for the first time on. TV came with instructions to flush them. At the top of Patrick's list was Christie. Lee Kenny followed by her family and friends. They all need to disappear. Read one note at least until after the trial. Another note instructed Bentley to use a gun to make crystals ex-husband talk then dumped him out in the desert. I think what what was shocking in this case was usually when we get that information. It's the word of one informant without corroborating evidence but this particular informant had add the letters and they were clearly in Patrick's handwriting and they contained information. That only Patrick swayze would no. No one was too high up the food chain for Patrick frizzy lead investigator Greg Slater and even the DA himself were on the kill list and perhaps even more shocking Chelsea's mom too. There were threats to kill sheriff's Berith very specific threats. The hit list Cheryl was on it crazy crazy. 'cause just so insane that he has this hitlist in jail. It showed his character. It showed his His guilt the jail notes and Bentley's testimony stunned the courtroom and seemed to be a big blow to Patrick frasier crazies defense. The prosecution said Frizzy hand to only murdered Kelsey Barret. He had sought to kill those set to testify against him. We wanted the jury to hear this evidence so they could really understand the mindset. We were dealing with in terms of Patrick swayze. He's a very troubled per said. After three hours of deliberation the jury reached a decision. You walked back into that courtroom to deliver the verdict. Are you feeling to death the weight of no yes. Definitely it was. It was hard. It was a lot of tension knowing that her family's out there his family has out there. He's right there. Does your heart start beating really fast. I couldn't breathe those our hearts beating. I remember checking my pulse. We're holding him holding hands in such anticipation praying that a fast verdict. It was a good verdict for calcium family. All those prayers were answered. Soon as up I guilty came in then we could exhale that was the first degree murder charge and then when they just kept coming everything was just icing guilty guilty yep yep praising God praising God a lot of answered prayer hugs lot of tears a lot of relief. The the prosecutors welled up to seeing Chelsea's father Daryl. I heard the verdict and I I got choked up and then I looked back at Daryll and just nodding at him Of thank you for being with us and get going going through this and being behind us a hundred percent the the whole time amid all the emotion in the courthouse a swift verdict was followed by a swift sentence. Patrick Fraser got everything. He deserved coming to life sentence. Plus one hundred and fifty six years about three months went by and it was a very different set of emotions when crystalise. Kenny was sentenced just last week. The judge called her actions cold calculated and cruel but of all the things crystal admitted to in her deal with prosecutors. She pleaded guilty to only one one thing tampering with evidence by moving Chelsea's phone. The judge gave her the maximum sentence three years in prison. Do I think she should have gotten a lot more time. You you Betcha but the. Da Laments she may serve a lot less time. It's not unusual for someone to serve eighty five percent of their sentence on a crime no matter what it is so crystal could end up serving just nine months the. Da said to convict Patrick swayze. He was forced into a devil's bargain with crystal We did a deal with the devil. You call this making a deal with the double. That was absolutely a deal with the devil. I'm not proud of it. I'm not a tiny it's justice for crystal. It's not just as easily but it got justice for Kelsey in the end. You said something to me. That was really powerful about your feelings toward Krystal. Lee Part of me wants to strangler. Pardon me wants to hug her. That's a very complex statement right there. She she could have stopped this from happening all together. And for that I WANNA choker. But she finally fessed up confer that I want to hug her. And thank you for that. We have closure as Kelsey family tries to move on. Little Kaley is living with Chelsea's mom and dad who are seeking legal custody if Keighley watches the someday when she's older older what would you say right now about her mom. Her Mom loved her. Her Mom was fearless. Louis her mom love the Lord and the the best thing in the world good to see her daughter committed to the Lord is will and the communities where Kelsey lived in worked are also doing what they can to ensure she is remembered. The local furniture store placed a memorial bench near Chelsea's Condo. You Kelsey family has set up an aviation scholarship and even some of the jurors are supporting it. They are all testaments to the young mother whose life was so cruelly taken but whose spirit continues to uplift if Kelly does get to watch this at some point then it would be her mom telling her. Don't back down dream. Big Dream in big run hard sore. Go get them. You've got the support of this family behind you. That's all for this edition of Dateline. We'll see you again next Friday at nine eight central at of of course I'll see you each weeknight for NBC nightly news. I'm Lester Holt for all of us at NBC News. Good night in the meet the press. Chuck Todd Cast. It's an insider's take on politics. The twenty twenty election and more candid the conversations with some of my favorite reporters about things. We usually discuss off camera. Listen for free wherever you get your podcast.

Crystal Kelsey Scott Patrick Patrick Kelsey Chelsea Patrick Crystal investigator Idaho Colorado Patrick swayze Kelsey Berith Kelsey Paradis Crystal Kelsey Halcion Kelsey Berith MHM crystal Kelsey uncle Scott Kelsey Barrett Kelsey phone Cheryl
Sunday, December 8th, 2019

Libra Today

03:37 min | 11 months ago

Sunday, December 8th, 2019

"Good Morning Libra. Today is Sunday December. Eighth Two thousand nineteen the Sun at Fifteen degrees Sagittarius squares. Neptune had fifteen degrees pisces. The stars have blessed you with an eye for beauty. Let it shape your day. This is Lieber today. A podcast original horoscope today is supported by better help. Online counseling a lot of times people portray their happiest self to others. Whether it's at Work Eric or on social media we often make it appear that we have everything figured out but a lot of times. We don't. It's not always easy to ask for help and find counseling sling. So if you're feeling down but don't know where or how to ask for help better help. Is there for you. Better help offers. Licensed counselors who specialize specialize in a variety of issues including depression and anxiety as well as grief stress complicated relationships. And so many others. If you've been putting off counseling because you don't have the time better help makes it convenient by allowing you to connect privately with your counselor through text chat phone and video calls get help at your own pace on your own time. And at an affordable rate horoscope today listeners will get ten percent off their their first month with Discount Code horoscope today. That's better help dot com slash horoscope. Today why not get help better help dot com slash horoscope today. Let's speak in your day when you live your life in search of beauty. You're bound to find yourself unusual and stunning places and circumstances and often crossing paths with fascinating. People keep your eyes open today for an Eccentric Taurus. Their whimsical approach to life. Life could change the way you see the world. Now take a moment to reflect on your relationships consensual Torres contacts unconventional urinals and Lucky Jupiter. You may be feeling particularly romantic today. Take advantage chip the moment and consider inviting your partner or potential love interest to an evening out or an intimate night in. If you cross paths with an intriguing taking stranger. Consider getting their information. Sooner rather than later you won't WanNa let this one get away can contemplate your pat to personal growth with Venus in your home zone. Aligning with elegant. Neptune you may feel compelled to beautify your space with your talent an eye for beauty. It's only natural that you'd want your home to match your aesthetic. Remember however to keep your vision in check with reality only with consideration of your time and resources can a dream be truly actualized. MHM Lieber today. We'll be back tomorrow to learn more about your horoscope visit California in your psychics and connect today horoscope. Today is a podcast original.

MHM Lieber depression Eric Torres partner California Fifteen degrees fifteen degrees ten percent
101. The Impact of Giving and Receiving

More to Life with Faith and Lois

22:03 min | 11 months ago

101. The Impact of Giving and Receiving

"Welcome to the PODCAST. More live with faith and Lois. I'm faith and I'm lois. Our podcast explores life's as many transitions at inspire and dont`a could readings. Good Morning. Laura it is a delight to join you on one hundred and I. We are over the Hump. That's amazing it is our podcast mortal life with faith and lowest and last week we had the pleasure of talking about living with integrity and that really impact. What we do from the inside out as I'm looking ahead to the holidays as I can't tell you how much that was? Just a nice check for me to look at what my character is GonNa be like in the next few weeks as I have people in and out. That's so wonderful. So I kinda Santa spot-check yes so if you missed that one by the way you can go back and listen to it and if our podcast resonating with you please let someone know about them and share share them or sign up for our weekly newsletter which you can find on our website which is more to life with faith and lowest dot com. And we'll send you our podcast in your email every single Tuesday morning so we are so excited about getting going today because episode one hundred one transition the impact of giving and receiving Oh. It's so important to they. Have that nice balance and we oftentimes can forget that if we get too rushed into caught up in what we need to do we can forget how how it feels to give or to feel how it is to receive. And that's what we're gonNA talk about today. Yes and IT'S A it's a real circular thing and I think sometimes we split ended up. I know I do and I just think of giving because I love to think about that and I forget how important it is to receive from someone when they have thought of a gift to give to me and it's actually this conversation as we decided to prepare for this. It's really given me a new outlook on how to accept gifts that are given to me whether they're tangible gifts. Or whether they're words So thinking about that as we move forward so faith what is so important about balancing giving and receiving receiving if you're just a giver and you don't quite know how to receive then it cheats the other person who is giving to you uh-huh so there's a lot of times where we think we're doing the best and we just pour out the gifts and the you've known people like that they just give give give give give but but when you go to give them something. It's really difficult for them to take it in and so there's an imbalance and the dance. It's the perfect dance is win. It can be mutually shared. And where you're offering something and then you can receive something and because you're receiving achieving that person's heart as much as you've given of your own heart that is so beautiful and we're going to touch on so many of those elements that you just shared. I know that a growing up and through my life. One of the biggest mistakes I made was when I was giving a gift. I wanted so much for it to be received with the same intention that I gave it that when somebody said that's the wrong color. I'm going to take that back. I didn't know how to respond to that because I was giving a gift and literally holding it as I was giving it to them like. You're going to like this. I know you are because I thought so much instead of realizing that. Once I give a gift I release it in and if it isn't the right size or the right color it's okay because it's not mine anymore. It's not personal personal but I remember as a young person feeling that I had disappointed. Disappointed done the wrong thing and not appreciated the fact that it's a gift. It's something really precious that I'm handing over and you get to choose to do with it as you will now. I become more sensitive in my season two years as to how I receive gifts knowing how I responded when someone didn't receive my gifts that will so much much more sensitive to that and yet I know that when I give you something if it's not the right fit if it's not the right color that's okay you to enjoy there there you go. You want them to enjoy the gift that you took the time to give them right and if it doesn't turn out to be exactly what you thought you were giving them then so it'll be it'll be just fine so as we explore the balance between giving and receiving there's a lot to unpack and I love for you to hear these words from Deepak. Chopra he says is giving connect to people the giver and the receiver and this connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. You know Dr Chopra. Is this this expert in mind body medicine and he has a challenge. He says that giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy. So how do we keep this flow going wing as you were talking before how they balance each other out as you consider giving this season maybe you can ask yourself. What is your intention as you give? That is so good because you it's not about the gift itself. You can spend a lot of time but when you put behind it. Why am I doing this? What am I trying to say? What is the message of my gift that adds a whole different dimension of love and genuine? Ns to the gift that you're giving and that oftentimes can be the piece that the person you're giving it to can openly receive it in a different way. Recently I had a friend and we were doing these little gift exchanges and she gave me the most beautiful thing just I burst into tears because she nailed it and it was just beautiful hummingbird to put on a necklace and it had the body was out of a pearl and the pearls my stone down and so. Here's this beautiful beautiful hummingbird. She knew what hummingbirds mean to me and the birth stone and the meaning of what a Pearl is the Pearl of great price and she said. That's what I seen you your pearl of great price. All my Gosh I will cherish that for the rest of my life. It's such a treasure because so there's so much intention -ality put into thought about what give me that is so beautiful my my goodness who can top that. But I'm sure someone will but you know that is the idea. Look at your intention and then you ask yourself. Are you doing something conditional or or are you doing it. Unconditional with no strings attached and. I think that's where I had to check myself from. Before as a younger person is I gave gifts. It actually was conditional on you liking what I gave you. And if you didn't like it then maybe I wouldn't be so happy but the gift wasn't about me so that intention was something that I need to really explore. You know another attention is are you giving having to receive hoping that you're going to get something back in return. Well then what is that all about. Yes you know. It's really not about giving a gift giving from your heart. It has an agenda so gift giving is not about an agenda. It's about opening yourself up and carrying an offering something. It's an offering to another person. Thank you so much. So when you're giving is clear and clean then you're also going to be able to receive receive and I think this comes through a lot when you hear people who are stressed and they say you know I just give give give give give and nothing in return and I'm so tired and all this happens. There was a great analysis put in one of the resources that we were looking at. That said if that's how you feel and you may really feel that way right now you're listening and you're saying you have no idea about my life. I'm going to agree with you but you're probably in the doing mode and not the giving and there's a big difference and it's very good what you're doing right and you're doing yes but but call it that. Yes I am doing this because and you need to add the answer to that question because why why are you doing this. And if it is about getting back or or being noticed or be an affirmed. Okay you may get that and you. I may not and you're going to have to deal with that and live with that you know for any of you who have been in a caregiving situation. You may feel this right now especially around the holidays that Oh there's so much it's going on I feel so depleted so we would just encourage you to explore how you got to that place and to revisit the words you know you are doing a lot and that is really great and the truth is you may never get back what you put in there and my promise to you if you're caregiving somebody that you care about is at at the end of the day you'll never regret what you put in that's right it'll be the greatest gift you ever gay fair you go if you can see it that way and remember that every a giver needs a receiver so you can practice being a good receiver. These are a couple of things that could actually help you out if you're not if you're not good at receiving I is except compliments. That's so hard for so many people it's just taken in. I had one person say one time when I get a compliment. I put one arm in another another arm into a like a putting it into a really old favourite sweater and then I wrap it around me and I just cuddle into it and that's how I wear compliments Sir and I went. Yeah that was a learning experience from because at that particular time. I didn't receive compliments like that. That was so foreign to me. I do more of that now. Now and just know how it feels when you're giving someone a compliment and they can't take it and you're trying to help them. I'm just trying to you know what that feels like. So next time you get a compliment today when someone says something Nice to you thank you. That's all you gotta saying you know and and another way to practice being a good receiver is actually to count your blessings and to look at those things that really are gifts in your life and maybe write a couple of down faith and I love journaling so this might be a good little strategy mhm to do and another one is to show up as you not a someone else not us who you think you need to be as yourself give yourself as a gift to to the people you are with and if you WanNa be a good receiver stop complain just. We don't usually do this very often at our podcast that think about got it especially as you're approaching the holiday season. The reduction in the amount of complaining you do will change how you can receive something. Negatively brings down the atmosphere fear. Positively brings it back up. That's beautiful so what would it look like to practice giving every day you know it. It doesn't have to cost you but if you want to practice practice what it would look like to give one of the things you could give is. What we mentioned earlier is a compliment? What if today you just decided? I'm going to try to give something something to every single person I meet a compliment. What if that's the first thing you do not a fake one but something that you really can share to somebody about what they have done done? That is important just in their own. Lives that you've noticed. And said I value this trait or this skill or you acknowledging them just seeing them smiling at them greeting them saying good morning. How is your day? How was your weekend? Those are the kind of things again. So you're giving this person some respect and acknowledgement that they exist and that can change a lot in that person's life you know sometimes as we think that we don't have the resources at this moment to be giving a lot especially around the holidays but faith you brought up. A friend mentioned that when she went through her office space she would regularly say good morning. That's a gift that you're giving your A. It's a statement. It's an acknowledgment. And eventually that's going to take hold old exactly and I had another friend who was in kind of a dark Work Environment and she started going in early and she put candy kisses. This is on everybody's desk and they took like who put this here with this year began to change how people looked around like who left to kiss and so it doesn't have to cost a lot. It's it's taking the time to say I see you you matter and I'm going to acknowledge it. You know. We all live busy lives to some extent and yet there's kindness that we can show. And what does that look like our neighbors last week for whatever reason decided in the alleyway to sweep all of our leaves that were behind our house and we have more trees than anybody in our backyard and it was a huge load of leaves and and so this weekend many of us were out doing the last minute gardening before the snow is going to be coming in and we caught the neighbors out there and I said by the way I wanNA thank you so much for having swept our leaves. I can't believe you did that. It was kindness that they gave to us but the reciprocity of knowing and acknowledging and by away guessing that it was them and letting them know that it has changed. It made this transformation long conversation a decision to get together at another time time together. It was beautiful all because of an act of kindness. They showed to us. And you received it and responded. Yes that's so good. There's circular giving and receiving which now everybody feels fabulous about this another thing that you can do as a word of thanks that you can offer. I just like that or a written note. Faith you're really good at this with notes and how important it is where on occasion people get a note that they don't expect from MHM or an unexpected card. I love sank cards as well or or just Sometimes I will write out how I see them and who I see them bean gene and I get more personal and they love that. Those are just doesn't take that long but there are some of the best gifts that sometimes people receive so if today you WanNa think about about how you could practice giving to a number of people this will not take much out of your pocket book but it might make a huge difference in the life of others. We'd like to share a little a bit about our podcast sponsor right now affordable aesthetics and introduce you to Anatoly. WHO's an expert in skin care? She's passionate about helping people like you look and feel their best and has been in the healthcare industry for more than twenty years and launched affordable steps to provide a wide array of treatments events. Maybe you're considering a regimen for skin tightening Herron pigment removal weight reduction or excessive sweating or you're interested in Botox injectables or laser treatments in their calm and beautiful office. Affordable aesthetics works with you on your schedule to determine the best treatment for you. Call the schedule schedule. Your free consultation. Three Oh three six six nine zero eight eight zero or go. Online to affordable aesthetics dot net look younger improve your mood and feel more energetic and positive. Don't wait call today. So we are back with episode one hundred and one transition the impact of giving and receiving so what happens. Faith when you give Oh you feel so good I just feel like you know. There's kind of a little joy boys just jumping around all inside of you or joy girls and it's an exciting time. I'm to know you've taken the time to find something and offering it and it's good. It's just a good feeling. Yeah and you think about the other person so as you're thinking about them and putting this idea whether it's a compliment or a note or an actual tangible gift you know that you're bringing joy to that a person and so it comes back always comes back because back around the set you Kinda you fork goodness rises up inside side because you have done something good or someone else you know. It's funny but the more I find myself giving the more I find. I love that person or I love. You've just the people that I'm around that I want to. Just keep giving more exponentially grows. It doesn't Zap. It doesn't take away from you and so that's one of the things to remember number as you give. It's actually going to give back to you but it always does. It always comes back around and and it doesn't have to be a gift form. It comes in the satisfaction seven and the contentment that you begin to receive and let's talk about the receiver. What happens to the receiver when he or she receives a gift? When you really really receive it you get that wonderful feeling like I did with that gift that my friend gave me? It's as it touches deeply and a you feel significant you. You feel like you've been seeing you've been known you've been valued. Wow that's just incredible and carries with you and so that's why we went ever. The gift is take the time to absorb it and to take it in and treasurer it. Even if it is something you're going to need to exchange receive it in the way that it was given to you. That is so beautiful because just as we talked about how your love grows. When you're giving your love grows when you receive? Yeah you just expressed that with your that beautiful pendant that it just explodes and grows for this person. And it's not because you're waiting for a quid pro quo a tit for tat. You want this. It's because you're so appreciative of the fought that went into it they it starts blooming. So that's what happens to a receiver. Yes yes which is so cool now there is also something we want to touch on because there are some people who are not able to receive for whatever reason you know you've given a gift you think you've thought it through you think you're clear and because that's the other portion remember. Don't give if you're out there too like bunk somebody over the head with something but you feel clear and clean gene and you give something to someone and they are not able to respond for a variety of reasons but one of them might be because there is some anger or resentment and they have no space to receive. And so what do you do then Well that's where you need a lot of discernment as has to. Is this doing more good or more harm. And if it's doing more harm than it may be a period of time. Will you need to step back and then also oh to consider what are they angry at. Is that the fact that I am giving them a gift. Or is it the fact that they're not ready to be able to receive something from me and and then maybe to ask the question better question would be. What can they receive is or something I could do? That would cause them not to flare up at me. And I think that's a good point because at some point to pause and pull back so that you don't cause more anger if then what you're doing is giving an heaping Kohl's calls on somebody it it's not helpful Just makes people more angry. They keep returning to senator. He get trying to give you a message. If they don't want something thing from you at that point just breathe. Yeah you know clear it with yourself where you are and sometimes you may not know You may not be able to tap into and your best gift could be not giving and could be. They need right now and some people have to learn how to receive. Yes they have a really difficult time with compliments. They're afraid if they get a gift they're gonNA have to reciprocate and they have it in their head so they will. Actually you've been to parties like this. I want no gifts gifts. Do not bring anything. I don't want anything and faith and I don't intend to a door that request but there are some people who were so serious. It's about that that when you do it out of clean heart and thinking that you're going to be helpful. It really does upset them so think about when you know people are in in that position give them the room to breathe Exactly exactly to respect the person who is maybe in a tough place they don't know how to receive or they haven't been given two life. They've been hurt by gifts or they've been ignored. They've can feel really awkward. So take that into consideration Gratien and respect. What can I do for this person? That would truly happy something they would enjoy and be a blessing and not extravagant so so maybe they need some homemade preserves that you've made or something and with a bow around it or popcorn that you've done and made candy corn or something gene and you give them that and they can receive that so get make the gift in a place where they feel comfortable in. Were there at that moment. You giving and receiving is a really amazing balance and when you do get in tune with this way of living you'll you really begin to see the giving and receiving are two parts the whole and we talked about integrity last week in this kind of continues that theme but it really is circular when you think about it and how you live your life so true when you learn to give Andrassy you. Experience a sense of belonging that comes from both parts of the whole and when this belonging sticks you understand that giving and receiving takes place at the same moment in time when you give you do receive so embrace this balance and and watch how it fills you up. Please share this podcast and join us next week. For transition the impact of self care get the latest news on on our social media platforms and on our website and please subscribe more live with faith and lowest is a podcast to support encourage and uplift you as you transition through all sorts of change. We want you to know that there is more to life. We'll be back next week.

MHM Dr Chopra Lois Laura Santa excessive sweating Gratien Andrassy treasurer senator twenty years two years
Arizona Private Investigators Emilio and Rianne Maldonado

Intermountain PI Podcast

33:09 min | 11 months ago

Arizona Private Investigators Emilio and Rianne Maldonado

"The Inter Mountain. Pi podcast follows the real life exploits investigative tips and insightful advice of private investigators Scott Fulmer the principal at Inter Inter Mountain. Pi and author of the critically acclaimed true crime. Memoir Confessions of a private eye. The names locations and other identifying details have been changed to protect protect the privacy of individuals. Both the innocent and the guilty he was a US Navy veteran before becoming a police officer in a small town in southern California she worked in the mortgage industry and was a paralegal throughout the years. He expressed her interest in starting a private investigation the company but when he brought it up she would just smile and nod however after he retired from. The police department eventually became a reality in fact on the day. He told her he was ready to do you it. She actually laughed. Her only exposure to the mysterious and shadowy world. Private is was what she saw on television or in the movies visions of burberry trench coats. Soft wool felt for doors and hanging out in smoky bars late into the night filter imagination. Yet that's exactly what came to pass. And eventually it became a family affair meet Arizona private investigators emilio and Rianne Maldonado MHM simple broadcasting from the crossroads of the West in historic Salt Lake City. You're listening to the Inter Mountain. Pi podcast here's your host Celebrated Utah private investigator. Scott Fulmer a welcome back to the PODCAST. I'M SCOTT FULMER UTAH. Private investigator and author of confessions of a private eye. You can find my book on Amazon and Barnes and noble and you can find me on the web at. WWW DOT inter mountain Pi. Hi Dot Com. You're listening to episode Number Twenty Six Arizona. Private investigators emilio and Rianne Maldonado together Arizona private investigators milio and rianne Maldonado formed a black horse investigations in Tucson Arizona. WanNa several years ago. Indeed if the Maldonado's name sounds familiar it's because they featured in a recent issue of Pi magazine. They were able to match a purple Heart Medal. Interestingly donated to goodwill with the family of the sailor by the way the purple heart is a military decoration awarded to those wounded or killed in action. I'm going and ask the Maldonado's about this but I I started in the business of before the popularity of cell phones e mail and even the Internet each day I had to call my boss on a landline nine or at a payphone to communicate with him. In fact I was struggled to take copious notes as he relate all the case information to me over the phone of course with track ops assigning work to an investigators investigators very simple click on the assigned tab and add an investigator to the case. It's that easy. The investigator can even print out a pdf document containing all all the case. Information Track OPS is a powerful investigation management platform in fact it's used by companies of all sizes in countries all around the world with features designed for managing every aspect of Appeal Agency track. OP says the tools to streamline your operation from intake to invoice at least give track opposite. Try You can do so free right now for fifteen days by signing up track OPS dot com also mentioned that you heard about it on the Inter Mountain. Pi podcast and track OPS will give you ten percent off of your base. SUBSCRIPTION SUBSCRIPTION PRICE TRACK OPS case management made easy at black horse investigations the Maldonado specialize in workplace investigations including wrongful termination in litigation. Support Internal Investigations employee misconduct interviews and retaliation investigations. So take a listen to the podcast and get to know the Maldonado's autos so I'm speaking with Emilio San Maldonado of black horse investigations out of Tucson Arizona. Hey guys how how are you today. Good good how are you Scott. We're glad to be here. I am doing well. I appreciate your time the first I heard about you guys was in the latest issue of Pi Magazine. This this last issue that just came out and it was in regards to a purple heart and if listeners don't know what a purple heart is is a military decoration awarded to those wounded or killed in inaction in Combat Emilio. Your veteran I am as well so I'm familiar with what it is. This was found at a goodwill store. I guess it was donated. And can you tell me a little bit about out How that came to pass and how you guys got involved? Yeah I'll kind of defer this into Rianne because she's the one that let me know about it okay. Driving Morning I mean just listening to the radio and I heard on the news that they were asking people in the community and actually all over the country to come together and try to find the family that this metal belong to ana called Neo right away and said we've got a jump on this so we met and we both got on our computers instead of working on it excels later. We were knocking on cadore. Having coffee with them family actually friends of ours young. Okay we win over the other night her birthday celebrations so it. It was pretty intense searched because the whole country our community. We're working on it and it was almost like a race to find the handling. It's I didn't feel like the movie national treasure where you have multiple people looking because during the whole process and I should mention to that before that that we hadn't done a whole lot of air searches or genealogy research. So we were. It was a trial by fire but we went back and we finally were able to locate a family tree. And I I should say for other private investigators that are looking to do air searches. That may not know this. People Create Eight family trees and make them public like on ancestry DOT COM and And a couple of the others and that's really what helped us. Somebody made a public tree. That happened to have this young man's name on it and then we kind of went backwards from there. Look for because the woman ended up finding finding she had been married before a cup once or twice. At least I think and so. There's a lot of name. Changes to connect them was was art but Emilio. You pull it off and like I said there were several later knocking on the door. Thought we were going to show up and they're already be news of the larger. Knock on the door but we were the first ones during the process us. I was calling a few people to see if they were connected to that family and they would tell me just had five other people call me already for the same thing. Thanks so that's the way it sort of felt like a race but we were able to figure it out and it was really nice. Once we got to the house. It truly felt like a relief that we had found them mm-hmm and they they had us in there drinking coffee. They showed us a picture of the young man. He was eighteen or nineteen years old when he died in Guadalcanal and it was very fortunate. Gotcha that the metal itself had his name on it right away. We are able to have a starting point anyway but his mom was widowed and and so when he went overseas with the Navy to Guadalcanal he only had his mom. He didn't have any children news about eighteen or nineteen so When he died there there wasn't a whole lot of family left for him? It was a half sister that that we use to to find the air going backwards. This is some really okay. Great stuff that you guys did a and I just for our listeners. I will have links to To your website to your contact information as well as the The article on NPR magazine. They can read more about it ran. How did the metal ended up at goodwill? Do we do even know the family there. Whether thinking is that when his mom went into the nursing being home here in town she might have tucked away in her belongings. Nobody knew that so after she has. It's possible somebody. The nursing home didn't know it was donating his belongings. The family thought they have the medal. Put Away in in their closet and so when it was on the news they actually went. Let's check in realized. It was missing obsolete even though it was missing. Well my hat's off to both of you. I think that's a really fantastic thing. The news about private investigators not always always positive. You know whenever we do something wrong. It's it's all over the New York Times or whatever I mean there's legislation that's been passed due to things that have done so it's good to hear some good news. Thank you now the appreciate it. You're exactly right in. And it was nice that Senator Mic Sally. Recognize our efforts efforts as well and wanted to include us in the ceremony. Yes we got. We got recognized for our part in it and it was nice. I'm a positive and the best part. The whole thing is like I said we. We now have new friends. That is cool. That's the that is the best part of it and that's fantastic. You guys do a lot of different things. Thanks in in In Your company Black Investigations. But I wanted to focus on a couple of things and I think kind of one of the The main services that you specialize is in is workplace investigations. Is that correct. That's correct. Yeah Okay can you define and tell us exactly what that is. Yeah so a workplace investigation. Gatien is anything. Any policy violation any employee misconduct that that could include sexual harassment hostile work environment course any type of fraud theft. We investigate that stuff for business. Owners incorporations I don't think it's necessarily an untapped market. Get but I think that there is a large opportunity to educate business owners on the amount of money that they can save and also get a little bit of justice I think that a lot of business owners have internal theft and may not know it or no but they have no idea who's doing it and so they don't end up getting restitution and and it doesn't get referred prosecution things like that and that's what we help out with and so your. Your clients are primarily the business owners or the corporations like the police would do an investigation in third party incorporation Tucson that contacted us to come in and basically review all the interviews the HR. Dr Had done so that we were unbiased. Third Party and we could tell it was a hustle work environment accusation and so he came in to re interview. Everybody and let them know. We don't work for the company you work for anybody but ourselves and your. We're just finding out what happened knowing that you were third party the the open up to you more. Yes yeah they definitely do they feel more comfortable too. Sometimes it takes a little house dwarf But then once we let the nope now it's okay to tell us where we're really here it. Just get to the bottom of it. Then the feel like they can tell us more than they felt they could tell. Hr Zoo lander. But that's the movie. That's you are certified from that company from the lender movie. But what's the name of the Wick Wick Lander and it's so law Sqi. There you go. I think zoo lander would be a better name for it but tell us about that training and how that is helpful in this type of work. Yeah so weak lenders loss key. It is the industry standard for workplace interviews. That is the training you WANNA have. If you want to start doing interviews for employment. Now it's different than regular interviews because you're not just trying to gather information but you're also trying to get an admission of guilt a confession if you will so a lot of the interviewers that do this training actually referred to it as a negotiation. You're negotiator rather than an interviewer. Because you're trying to in a non-confrontational manner by building a report by making them aware of the amount of investigation. Gatien that goes into this in the fact that by the time you talk to them. You already know what's going on. You're more trying to figure out the why of why it happened. He's really good at it and I listened to him. Get some confessions that I I couldn't believe he could get and it's it's actually funny because has now I use some of his techniques on our children I was going to say. Does he use it on you. rhea better can I tell a story. Go ahead okay. Here's an example. The other day we were sitting at the restaurant and I haven't been home all day and I noticed that when if my kids look funny I could tell she cut her hair and and I didn't WanNa say did you cut your hair. Because she'll say no so I said well. Did you cut your hair with pink. SCISSORS REP scissors there. Red Ones Mommy the confession that works whatever works so the interview technique is a is a is a process if the process is done on correctly. It sort of makes the person that you're interviewing feel very comfortable because let's face it if somebody has this they want to get get it off their chest but one. It's embarrassing to. It's likely going to get them in trouble but you can convince them without threats without promises that they're actually going in a feel better by letting you know so that it. It's no longer. You know hanging over their head a lot of them. Do I think I have a pretty good success rate at getting people to admit that they've done it and like I said before the interview the investigation already points that way. There are cold interviews that you do because an employer ear might hire you and say listen. I'm pretty sure it's him the common denominator in the whole thing. But I don't have any evidence to back it up. There's no video or nothing like that. So there is such a thing as doing a cold interview the same way but process just changed a little bit and the same thing if they did it they will answer questions a certain way and if they didn't do it they won't answer them a certain way and I'll give you an example Most people if if you're speaking to somebody and they say they tell you something that that doesn't sound right and you say well. This person said that you did this. Is that true. No that's not true. So does that mean that they're lying. Most people have a problem saying that someone else is buying a dodge that question because it's hard for them to say yes. It's that person's lying when they truly know the not so those are just an example of some of the things that that you look for during the interview and type of questions is that you ask to see if you're on the right track when you're doing it cold anyway so with Wick Lenders Alaska to they have Is there is there a certification that they give you after class or they have numerous classes that you take it say three day class and they also have I think either an additional day or an additional two days to do the advanced training and it it involves obviously technique but then there's also practical role playing that you do in order to be certified. Let's talk a little bit about some of the examples When I say workplace investigations of course that's a very general term wrongful termination litigation? I know you support you. Provide investigative work for that obviously wrongful termination of someone. Who Do you work for an in? In this particular case for the company to protect the company or for the individual for wrongful terminations it would be for the individual therein. The position after someone like myself has already interviewed them has already decided. There is a violation violation or a crime here and they've been terminated but that person may feel that this was done incorrectly or whatever the case might be so when we represent clients like that. It's it's done backwards. We make sure that the investigation that the interview that the reports the written statements were all done correctly in order to to help their case. Okay what about retaliation investigations define that and how you get involved in those types of investigations shirt. The retaliation would be. I guess some people would say a lot of what might be similar to. What's going on in today in politics? Somebody comes out and says this is. I saw my employer do this. I saw my boss do this and it becomes a it gets investigated and for whatever reason that person still remains. Things imploded whether it was unfounded or unsubstantiated but they get to keep their job well. If that Boston starts to cut the person's hours I start treating them differently sometimes even threaten them. We've had cases like that too. That's that's a form of retaliation network in that is against every policy and federal laws as well one of the big ones obviously is Sexual Harassment Mint and sexual harassment takes all kinds of forms to not just jokes. It could be pictures could be quid. Pro Quo have you had any of these types of cases Anything that it That you can talk about. Yeah in fact we. We had one recently corporation here in Arizona. Hired us to to do a set of interviews. Who's in there was actually many allegations but one of them was a sexual harassment type case in this particular one and obviously I won't mention the company but they had what's called slack? It's sort of like a group Chat Ryan right yeah. I'm familiar with it. So they have this group chat for everybody and somebody posted something on there that someone else thought was maybe anti male discrimination and until they brought it to hr but the problem mm-hmm was that HR is also part of that group as well and hadn't done anything about it immediately and so they felt hr felt it was probably ably better that somebody of the dozen work for the company do the investigation and so they gave us a call to go in and evaluate everything talked to everybody. Gather their statements and then render a not necessarily decision but a recommendation whether it was unfounded or substantiated. So do you provide any the adjudication or are you just present the facts and say here's what we found and then but the coming go from there. Yeah strictly there to present the facts. Present the evidence and allow the company or corporation to make make the final decision on what happens sometimes asked us our opinion and we need GonNa give an opinion that based on the interviews and everything we saw we do feel this or we don't feel that but we we ultimately leave it up to them. We only the opinion that they're asking us to talk a little. Bit about internal investigations in this can comprise a a a lot of different things. I was involved with investigation years and years ago of Title Large Hotel Chain and we had everything from people clocking in for other people to selling drugs and even weapons on the primitive. I mean it was crazy and and And so do you do when you do. The internal investigations like that is an undercover. Is it a matter of interviews and record checks how do you do do internal investigations. Initially they they may not necessarily be undercover but we gathered the information and gather as much evidences. We can video transactional information behind the scenes without a whole lot of Haywar here investigating and the type of situation that you're mentioning is happens because places think no-one investigates stuff no one looks and so it gets out of control. nope that's that's one benefit that I try to explain to potential clients. Is that just having an investigation for one issue in your company will show everyone everyone else that hate somebody does care about this stuff. In the are going to investigate they will only pay attention to what is What is disciplined or what is managed her looked after in fact fact? One of the In the case I just previously mentioned there. Was You know it was obviously against the rules to clock in for another individual but this hotel was on several different floors and it became a habit of individuals who forget who you know they were on the tenth floor and they forgot to clock in. They will call down and a supervisor Eiser or someone else will clock in for them and so informally. It became acceptable. Even though it was against the rules. Yeah we we've had cases like that to where you you know. Somebody receives something as smallest coffee every single day and every single employees in the store goes down to get free coffee every day. Even though it's it's theft they're not supposed to do it. It's against policy but because the entire store was doing it it now becomes sort of an accepted culture in. It's harder to hand down undisciplined because you're going to have to hand down to the whole store so usually companies will save okay. Let's take a step back. Let's rewrite the policy and we'll start over again and and also what helps us. Having a new manager come in that I it in other words. It's hard to suddenly Display employees for something. That's been going on forever unless your brand new and and say hey. This isn't GonNa we're not going to do this anymore. So I'm speaking with Emilio and Rianne Maldonado. They are actually married. Private investigators out of Arizona the heart to heart of Arizona. I heart to heart and people like who you talking about. I'm dating myself there You know how did you guys meet. That's another question I wanted to. The skill is a funny story. This is a good one all every end till this. I got a job back in like two. Two Thousand Seven at a casino in California found out like for six months. Amelia had been in surveillance watching me and it took us that ought to be introduced by mutual friend and the rest is history. Yeah he was like watching basically he stalked you for half a year before he had the courage to talk to. You didn't even know existed. I didn't even know he worked there but the funny thing is is that I asked her friend and that worked in the same department as her roommate. Yeah the very first day that I saw Anna said hey could you introduce me to your friend and she never did and so. I thought Tom Thought maybe she just doesn't WanNa meet me fight. You're stuck up. And then then India he took one look at you and beg to marry him Leah this is really a family affair with you guys because I know you're Sam Emma's your son Sam's involved in the business. Well he is he's twenty and he's license investigator as well and we tag team a lot and three cars. ARS Two cars all of us to go out. Get what we need to get. Some time. Says it's really great that in three of us can do this together. I know you have other children. They too young at this point to be involved in it or all younger. He's our oldest and then we have Four little ones okay a few years before they can help out all right. Well I've I've taken my wife on on and You know investigations where we were going out to dinner and posing as a couple and things like that. It is fun to do that all the time in the actually even his date night because we have so many any kids that we leave them home with Sam and we're like Oh sorry. We have surveillance tonight an eight night to. I'm sure he loves that right some so much more believable. When it's a couple no ya then when it's just me by myself for example? Yeah Yeah Yeah. I felt somebody The other day to one of these These like blue boutiques sell all the sexy lingerie oh fabulous and it was like the subject was the only person only customer in the store going in and I looked like I mean. It's one thing to wander into. Victoria's secrets in a mall. All but this was like a self contained store on a strategy. Like I'm not gonNA go in there. Standout Greco perv totally which you and your wife it got in go and then you just look right and it looks like let's move onto one of the other areas that you cover ever. It's an it's an area. It's a couple types of investigations at a lot of private investigators do and that is Infidelity Investigations and child custody eighty. Tell me a little bit. About what types of investigations. These are and how y'all are involved in all it's funny I just say when it really. Oh I said honey we're going to be investigators. Here's I sit cheaters with a nasty attitude. I'm like well you laugh. You laughed when he told you he was gonna go for it right to them and I I was like I'm not doing that. And now that's it's fun and it's one of my favorite things to do separate of child custody because honestly we don't love those. Yeah it's very sad and we find that with those most people just have an ax to grind and no one wins and I have one really good example. One woman called us. Desperate saying that Her ex was not buckling their baby in the carseat like a two year old and she wanted us to fill him not buckling the baby in. And so we. Did we film Dan. But guess what. He buckled the baby and you know what she was mad. She wanted to prove he was a bad dad. She couldn't see how great it was that he was actually being a decent Jason Dad and and some of those just get worried like he said she said in there. Just sell such animosity. We don't really enjoy doing those much at all. Yep At least the infidelity. You're providing evidence or proof to somebody that either something's going on or nothing's going on to to help them make a decision decision going forward even if that is to get back together because that may happen to that they confront the person afterwards and and they end up working out because now it's out in the open or they feel better about making the divorce decision. They don't think they made a mistake or or the person is still denying it now like maybe I did the wrong thing. We we give this information and then they whatever decision they make. They have that they needed to make an informed decision will those are good point in terms of child custody. You do make a good point that other potential private investigators and P.. I should know is that these cases a lot of times. It's just based on revenge or they WANNA get this information in it. Nobody wins and gets the children that that lose. I know that as far as digital forensics. You guys do that but I just wanted to briefly ask how does that does that play into the infidelity investigations negations at all like with phones or sometimes it does depending on the situation you know some third party. Companies companies will basically take any device and trying to gather information from it and everything but we always make sure to remain ethical and legal. We'll we will never ask somebody to take their spouses device and turn it in for for that kind of stuff. However if it's a device that sitting rounded home a computer laptop tablet something an old phone has been sitting around in his not in use and the spouse has access to it they ask us? Can you get something off of it will will certainly submit it. A We use a third party company though. We don't do the digital forensics ourselves okay and that's good because as you. You really do need someone that specializes in this and when we say forensics we mean that the information is able to go to court to be presented in court and done in in in that type of specific way. Let me ask you one last question. Who's the better investigator you or Rianne? I'd have to say it's Rianne. I knew you. I'm GonNa say that weight. Emilio is so so so good the interviews und- at finding things online and me. It's more like my intuition of tell we need to look at this or we need to look at this direction. I'll give you an example of what Rianne is talking about. We were doing doing an infidelity case. And this was one of those long cases air that they kept asking and asking and asking and there was indication that there was infidelity infidelity. Going on. And so that's why we continued but we did an entire day. I think it was either eight or twelve hours on a particular day and in fact the olive oil. The story of how we start snorted this one so we nail the all. We were always thirty seconds behind this guy because it just the way it worked out what we're missing everywhere but this one particular night. She knew that he would be at a location receiving an award and it was like an awards dinner ceremony so we dressed up and we infiltrated the awards. Dinner we went in there carried our drinks. Lebron just pretended we were part of the crowd. And what was funny as we. Actually the neal a couple of people in the crowd from some networking meetings but they were drugs so they didn't even know what we were doing great. We've watched him his award. And when we follow him downtown with his buddies to celebrate male and female and bar hopping and we go to probably six different bars and we'd take returns and finally it's one forty five in the morning and we're supposed to be done to like our hours rapid to we have no good footage. He was buying drinks for people. But there was no like actual good evidence so the last fifteen minutes were standing fed of our car outside of the club and Amelia's like let's just go home. Nothing's going to happen as it. Now let's run down kid one more time. We go into the nightclub and I turn around and putting on the brakes from only automaking album. Totally were so. He's got a camera in his pocket in. I come up in front of him. We pretend we're dancing not dancing so the camera else to that and it's like discs lagging so it's really hard to get good film but we got it. We got hours of it because after that they made out all the way down the the street to their hotel and we were the only car on the street filming them and they're so into each other they don't even probably drunk too drunk and yeah yeah so if it weren't for we just because I was I was already like okay. There's ten fifteen minutes left which is wrap everything up and it had held. She's she's like no. Let's check one more time. That's understandable I think in many ways Women are better investigators. And I don't mean that in a patronizing way. It's just they have this intuition. They they Guess whether it's human nature and then when especially when Pe- when they're conducting interviews personnel interviewing may not take become seriously unfortunately and may not see them as a threat until it's too late. Exactly they love to talk. They love to think I'm their friend and they'll tell me everything. Like oh cool now if anyone needs to get a hold of you if they have some work down in Arizona in your neck of the woods how can they reach you. Yeah they could reach us at eight hundred seven four one nine two three nine or look this up at Black Horse Investigations Dot Com. I will include all that information as well as links to everything on the show notes. I appreciate your time guys. Thanks have a great day. Have a good one. You've been listening to the Inter Mountain. Pi podcast the number one show for private investigators who want to take their investigative skills to the next level. Join US every Tuesday on Apple Google spotify or wherever you get your podcasts and be sure to subscribe rate and give us a five star review. Send and your comments and questions to podcast at Inter Mountain. Pi Dot Com. That is it for this week's episode until next time it says Utah private investigator. Investigators Scott Fulmer reminding you. That game is afoot

investigator Emilio San Maldonado Rianne Maldonado Arizona Scott Fulmer Inter Mountain Tucson Arizona US Pi magazine UTAH Third Party harassment Rianne Maldonado MHM Amazon Inter Inter Mountain Internal Investigations Amelia Black Horse Investigations Dot Heart Medal
Tips to Calm Your Energy & Situational Awareness #1098

One Life Radio Podcast

43:02 min | 1 year ago

Tips to Calm Your Energy & Situational Awareness #1098

"Eighteen use the Code Oh L. are for twenty percent off crazy water the only mineral water bottled in Texas environmental makers of Tariff Laura one life radio is brought to you by our sponsors great companies like Sun Warrior plant based tired and then of course you know I'm a single parent so I got a lot of flack back I mean she does have a father but he doesn't live with us so it makes a difference it really does when you've got that backup quarterback assist treatment or cure always consult your physician or a health professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition the wellbeing journal the International Society of Sports Nutrition be sure to go to our Thorn Research Dispensary on our website for twenty percent off and free shipping. You know it's interesting because traditionally back in the ancient days non military worrying martial-arts right personal martial arts was actually about situational awareness to also go you start sounding like Robert Deniro when you talk like that and thank you for listening to one life radio the content of the following program is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice diagnosis I have a daughter that's fifteen and so she wanted to go to the fair today with her friends without parental supervision and I told her hell no that's not happening for a lot of different reason back there with you and sorry about the cowboys lost yesterday my boy I tell you though Aaron James Danny I know Danny Miles is very happy today the do you think would you let your daughter and you said the same thing so go to okay so my daughter did go to the fair with about fifteen of her girlfriends and three parents I recognized for his accomplishments in mixed martial arts winning both UFC and king of pancreas titles but yeah you're you're you're world famous for Baby do you WanNa go higher baby you're in the right place you're listening to one life radio this is Bernadette with diamond well one of my favorite guys on the planet he's a man's man I just love this guy so much and it's good to have you in studio I can't wait to hear you know I do an impression of you when I that's the craziest thing about you okay so for those of you that don't know who'd Guy Metzker is which I can't imagine that you don't because he's a six time world champion and he is one of the most rather is cold and the packers so but but yeah so she wanted to go so we're walking down the hall I and I was asking guys we were coming into the studio it and I did a poor job just driver I guess so oh my gosh yeah you sound a little like Robert Deniro which is kinda funny yeah exactly and so the problem is guys and people don't I mean I I know everybody thinks deep down that they're somehow going to be a Ninja when they get talking about how to defend yourself today and you're just such a good parent too and so I always want to hear what you have to say so you know you have a daughter that's twelve led by doctors the doctors were the guys who did the martial arts like in Korea and Japan and China and it's interesting I would imagine it had to do with Um you know breaking people up a little bit that to your kids you're putting them back together so now now working as a doctor I put him down to these situations and they're not you know they're not and they're I we can talk about how heinous certain the that we can be to each other as human thank yes waiting for it and I had the opportunity to work with the UN on their human trafficking thing and I thought I was pretty much back understood the body and the and and how to make it hurt but also put together so it's kind of funny I sound just doing it reverse ways because you know hurt them now figuring out how not to well we're going to a Adriana Does v Mendoza and our very special guest today Guy Massacre is in studio with us he hasn't been here on it and then not just kids everybody does not pay attention to what's going on the the ability to be distracted and our our our desire to be distracted you know in the know until I got involved in it and the statistics are staggering. You want to hear what the number one outlet for human trafficking in the United States is Mhm Dallas Texas that's right sane isn't it used to be Houston Dallas we're stepping up so here's the problem is that we have this we we we have these problems beings but the fact of matter is that there are so many bad people that hang out on opportunities like the fair and stuff like that just waiting for the it is so high when's the last time somebody like was sitting in a waiting room and just actually sat there without grabbing their phone to be distracted and stuff situational awareness well you know well you know parents have got to start putting limits on their phones and things like that because it became a little bit more conscientious because of that but there's a lot of things we can go into all kinds of different ways I mean you know you know the uh-huh Martial Arts Center and I'm going to have him or one of his guys train you how to protect yourself and just have more awareness because I mean waiter in there I uh-huh and before that you know it's scary here in the Dallas is a number one sex trafficking hub in in the world and it's like well you know I'm reading important no you're not you're face booking or you're doing the other kind of crap that has basically useless in your life really is all right here's here's the problem and I had to explain this to my wife my wife used to like jogging right you know she goes yeah every now and then she goes she's she runs about three or four miles and stuff and and she loves putting on her headphones and goes well my wife if you've never seen her she's smoking hot and and so she's running down and these little shorts and stuff with the stuff and and and we we have a certain degree our children are naive and and we can go in on the segment of my thing about just the sheer fact that we do not and and you're not and you're learning how not to be observant around the world around you and so it is a problem it is more of a problem today than than it was call and there's there's tricks you can do to learn yeah I told I told my daughter I said you know what I'm GonNa do I said I'm going to take you to I'm GonNa take you to guy massacre they were training us right and they did this thing where we were in this one classroom I say hey we're gonNA move this other classroom so we walked through this this welcome back to one life radio everyone this is you're listening to one life radio right just just the United States okay yeah that makes more sense because Y- y- you know and so how do you teach these young people if you will to have more break we've got Dr Grab Deborah Greene She's a PhD we're going to be talking about tips to calm your energy she's really fun too so stay tuned everyone we've got a great show lined out background and with the police departments stuff like that she kind of gets gets a little bit more and I had to do with our having our own children and stuff like that she was leaving was she leaving an apartment these getting to she was going to her birthday dinner and did not make it because she was killed in the parking lot in the parking lot Yup bye bye had a gun there was three people in the cars that we totally missed okay and we're like wow and it was a wakeup call and what's going on now they're going hey the months ago where the woman was shot in the head before being left in a burning SUV and Lower Greenville Sarah Hudson by a guy who just like pushed her back into her car when a parking lot and the parking lot was enclosed by three sections and then you went to another classroom and we sat down classroom for about five minutes ago you know what we're going to go back to the other classrooms With modern science in her writings presentations private practice and online courses Dr Green is the author of endless energy the essential guide to energy. I really liked this woman how you doing today Dr Green Aloha Aloha play well how are you I'm good I'm good I let me give a shout out website you can find Dr Green at your energy matters dot com that's your energy matters dot com I really like what we're talking about today I'm not sure we've ever talked Bernadette with Diamond Gray Vienna Buddy Antos v Mendoza Guy Melker and Dr Deborah Greene she's a PhD and she has been an innovator about this before but tips to comb your energy so what are some signs that you may be spinning your wheels and need to calm your energy what what can that look like because I think I might be doing that yeah absolutely I do think that all kids need it not just girls guys need it two boys need it too they they can get victimized and I go back to that story that happened here in Dallas just a couple right now I'm actually from the conversation we had walking I'm spinning my wheels a little bit so how do I call my energy yes well tend to have that effect on us and toxic people and toxic people right that could be another and energy medicine and mind body degration for over twenty five years she is an author speaker and practitioner of various healing arts who combines the best of ancient was south she empowers others with research based approaches aimed at developing our inner resources for life transformation and self actualization let's be bodyguards you're supposed to be special like this you guys didn't even see that for yourself what are you going to say that for your clients and your in in in in the asset that you're dealing with like wow so it was the alter how you feel inside by monitoring your breathing and altering it in a way to help you calm down you wanna try that you know it's funny Eh Okay and she'd be she is a little bit more receptive in that because she like because of my background in the scripture because slowly and you want to breathe deeply and slowing down your breathing your your body will follow and you can you can actually leaving because when we're revved up we tend to breathe fast and we tend to breathe shallow and so you want to do the opposite you WanNa breathe is in the car he didn't see the other people there and then we're like they walk back out and it was a guy standing behind behind a a a a a standing water tower sites that a little bit don't you think it's true awareness is huge you know just just becoming mindful becoming aware of oh I'm feeling kind of speed it up here and okay in terms of calming your energy a very simple thing that we can do is to slow down your breathing voice well you know I just pictured I was on a beach in palm tree like flow you know like flapping in the breeze and it did work okay so we all walked back over there and he goes up all right so what did you guys see in the parking lot what I what do you mean oh you didn't see the guy that was pointing a gun at you guys we didn't see the guy that like this with her headphones on not be able to hear what's coming on not having people come up on stuff like this I had to explain to her you can't do that anymore ear do you feel speeded up like you can't call them down and of course one of the simple things to do to avoid caffeinated beverages those and and if you want we can try this as you know a little quickie kind of guided meditation right now and if it's hot in one of the things one of the big hints about whether you're you know need to calm your energy is how it feels inside to you so do you feel revved up do you feel Kinda what L. Afraid you know you respond emotionally but it's only in your head I mean it's just a dream it's not real right your body doesn't know the difference so your body yes let's do that I was gonna give another tip okay so we do a tip I practice I whatever you want I I I'm GonNa you know the the mind controls the body it really does and one of the most vivid examples of this is when we sleep and dream right because so it's very simple to just take a moment to picture something that's relaxing and pleasant to picture that in your mind's eye in your imagination we're talking about a guy if you could see me but I immediately I don't know if you guys are watching but I immediately started watching my breath which you know and just talking about it is I if you're having a dream for example that you're being chased by tiger or something bad is happening your body responds your heart rate increases your breathing rate increases responds to everything you think so if you're feeling like you need to calm down you can think relaxing thoughts and your body will follow it's a wake up call for all of a sudden when I first started doing security work and this guy's Gig as one hundred years ago you know early early early early twenties I worked for a company called International Zek security and and then bring attention to that step number one step number two if you have a moment to just alter your breathing so we didn't really help me give another tip because another trick that we can use in you know I mean trick in a good way it really is mind over matter the warmth on your shoulders maybe the top of your head and sky and the sun is radiating this golden light and this golden light is just beaming down on and you're bathing in that light you can actually feel it you can feel let's just take a moment to for those of us who are visual you can picture the sun the sun in a crystal clear blues you can feel it you can hear it you can use your other senses to tune in to whatever it is you're trying to visualize it light color and the next time you inhale breathe in being in the Golden Light of grace inside and out a guy and it's just you hear stories like that and you're just like explain some statistics when it comes to that I mean if you want we do it now now we'll do it we'll do it here in just a couple minutes we're going to go to you kind of a default mode something that you can always count on one thing that I always return to is golden light and by invoking that just notice how you feel I feel wonderful I really do I want to go to Hawaii and get on the beach the palm tree with the Golden Lion you can also see this golden light so that the inside of your eyelids shimmering their shimmering this golden the golden light breathing it into your system just filling yourself with this goal golden light inside and out bathing in this well you know when you're when you're on the air you you get an adrenaline rush pretty much through the whole show and then it takes hours actually sometimes for me to come down off of it and when you do it every day schooled in light this golden light has been associated with a quality called grace so what we're doing here is we're bathing Meridian's those energy channels actually do get what's called over energy and if you think about the Meridians you can think about them like a garden hose their channels of energy but with a garden hose the energy is water now sometimes you can have the water turned on you know full speed and and it's coming out in a stream but if you put a nozzle on the end of the hose a nozzle that constricts and you're still using the same William of water the water sprays out instead of flowing out and so that's an an example of over energy where there's some kind of constriction in the energy flow and so then it ends up getting blocked and feeling feeling you know pressurized like that and so there's there's an exercise that you can do to help balance the energy flow and it has a very calming effect and do not do this in the car sometimes we can also get stuck in this thing like what do I picture what do I picture I don't know what should I imagine what's really calming and so two two hosting the show live broadcast because it's life and and so but I do love everything that you talk about when you're on the you're not everybody can visualize really easily and it doesn't matter if you don't actually see something visually in your mind's eye you can sense it a novel broad spectrum symbiotic formulated with a combination of spore form by addicts and advanced food based ancient prebiotics Paleo magazine it for coming the energy because when when we get you know revved up and you know over energized our our actual energy system yeah I mean of course when you're driving you can you can alter your breathing so that's breathe the breath altering things slowing down your breath would be the one thing that you can do okay but this is very useful any other time you can easily do it you know if you're sitting at your desk at work you can do it at home and it comes becomes somewhat addicting I have to say it's one of the most difficult parts of this job is to remain calm and clear while you're you know does and I love the little the little practices that you take us through so you know what is something that someone else can someone else can do to calm their energy from and and just focus on that for a minute or two in your mind and you'll notice that your body will calm down because it has like the word visualize it I think it should be more like sexualize bringing in all of the senses to have an inner experience so any time you can do it lying in bed because many people have a hard time calming down and Falling Asleep at night right yeah so you can you know that was wonderful as you were speaking I was really enjoying a you know but my monkey mind was thinking Oh my gosh people are driving right now whether listening they very very powerful and very calming and I mean I don't know if you noticed but I can tell that right now you're speaking more slowly Burns yes wherever you are doesn't matter driving included but there is another another little exercise that is very powerful and it's very it did so we forget these things though you know we do in our day to day life life gets so crazy sometimes yes it does and anywhere no matter where they are yes I would I would like I would like to do anywhere wherever you are but you know driving is the exception okay practice in its that tangible you know like you just have to reach out and just grab it and put it in your mind you know that's right yes and the golden light is is the thing is I'm sorry go ahead say did you said you WANNA take us through a little practice you WanNa do that yes let's they feel this 'cause they can't of course close their eyes you're driving this Oh yeah but but but what a wonderful and you want your thumbs pointing down and you want to your palms back to back so palms back to back so do this in bed at night and it goes like this you reach your hands out in in front of you in cross one hand over the other and loosely lace your fingers together step one so you you have your fingers loosely interlaced and you have them crossed and you have them resting on your chest right on their tips and again we're hooking up we're linking up the Meridians that run through the fingers then rotate your clasped hands down and rest them on your chest are you with me good so that's feet and what we're doing here is recreating Figure of eight flow by linking up I believe relaxing and why is that well it's because we have meridians that run through our arms through our fingers through our legs I yes well it does bring you into the present moment and makes you mindful of present and that always helps too right absolutely well you know then you want to cross your legs at the ankles and that's it that's the exercise right there and if you're doing this in bed you can just do this and lie down like this and you'll find that it has a very calming effect and makes it very easy to fall asleep does it does work it really does and is it because you're concentrating on something else shutting down you know that autopilot where it's so easy to get lost your fingers and then crossing it becomes like an eight I don't know if you can picture that or see that and so in making that figure of eight hello figure of eight flow is an infinity sign right it's very balancing energy flow for our system and so that's what we're doing one of the things that calms me down instantaneously is going out into nature just simply walking out the door and feeling the earth the win the you know the just the thing that I was Gonna ask you is and I know this to be true for me and I know many other people feel this way is the calming effect of water just simply even being around water looking and then touch the tips of your fingers and thumb together with the fingers and the thumbs the digits touch each other beat the second thing that you can do this is like a little you know additional step to this is to undo that you know on cross your legs and arms so your your arms are crossed and your legs are crossed and then just breathe that is really relaxing I have to say the sun whatever it is even the cold this morning here in Dallas it's lovely it was sixty eight degrees it's the coolest that it's been months and it was just amazing we've got a whole week I don't I don't know if I've ever put my him my ankles like this unless I was sitting criss cross applesauce on the floor but it is of it I can hardly wait I just want to cook something grab a fuzzy blanket but it I love autumn and instantly feel better why is that because water water is a unique substance on the planet there is nothing else like it in existence get water just putting your feet sometimes you know in the winter I don't get in the pool of course but typically but but I just sometimes I'll go out and just put my feet in the water and and from the perspective of Energy Medicine Water Water has so many amazing qualities to it and it does it does have a call thing effect on us and if you if you can't go out in nature and stick your feet in water another little calming tip is to drink water because just drinking just having a glass of water or not you know doping the whole thing but getting water into your system can also be a very very calming line ugly bags of mostly water we were described by the aliens as being such so you know having water in your system can also be a very very calming effect in our system needs water in order to function well you live in Hawaii so clearly you are have the experience effect on your on your body we're we're like you know what we heard up to eighty five percents water then we need water I mean what was the star treks probably daily of looking out at beautiful the beautiful ocean and just I don't know which island you live on but I live on Maui and I do see the ocean every single day own hey be careful what you wish for we might show up there I've never been to Hawaii I've always wanted to go but must come be on the air with you and I just love I just love your demeanor your ability to calm a down here and have fun at the same time a doctor Deborah Green thank you so much they do it matters dot com all right we're going to go to break thank you for coming me down I really feel a lot better I I'm not joking I really do appreciate it we might magical we'll calm you guaranteed I probably wouldn't want to leave I won't WanNa ever come back but you know it's it's always great all right everyone stay tuned more coming up guy massacre situational awareness now it's going to get a little intense but you know what you need to hear it so stay tuned a wow wow oceanfront property since to my home nice well you know it's always you know what don't going to give a shout out yes I love I just love having you on the show her website come back yes absolutely your energy matters dot com that's your energy in Dallas Texas with Guy Massacre one of my favorite guys He is the head instructor and CEO of Master Martial arts he has been involved in Martial Arts Uh fulltime instructor and health professional guy was a professional combat athlete winning five world titles in four separate full contact sports and he is a six time world champ forces units of the United States military he is a certified holistic health practitioner and has his PhD in holistic health and before taking on the role of and the fields of health fitness and physical performance for over thirty years he has worked with children adults athletes civil and federal law enforcement agencies along with various specials Asli to be in such incredible shape and you're such a good guy to you're a good father you're a good husband and if you've never seen guy he's incredibly handsome as well just throwing that out there -Tuation awareness when they come into your studio and train with you well to be honest it's unless somebody has a specific go for it Dallas you know we are flooded with phone calls people wanting to train and then they catch him and then it goes to because he's the only rapist talking about situational awareness and I really think this is so important and who better did speak with about it than guy massacre so what you know what do you teach your students about the especially for you guys we take favorite song actually I have it on my phone really are about stuff of situation awareness is it is something that is the number one way to avoid trouble and you are I literally found the fact that if you turn your cell phone you take the color off of it okay it's like my cell phone we don't necessarily t t train with the reason being is that sad part is is you know if they're you know when there's a serial rapist and we're a lot of women don't come forward and they deal with it and so therefore that person gets away with it but you know when people are in quiz you know in Dallas for what I heard once that the average rapist rapes twenty six or twenty seven times before they're caught is that still true that I don't know but yeah I'm ingratiate nailed it I just gave her a little bit of information about you guy and she s everyone thank you so much for joining us we are here I would imagine it is because I think with the you know the social stigma with the raping for the victims and stuff like this it's a situation live separate combat sports now wow wow and so you're fourteen won the world championship I forgot about that I remember that how proud you must be like Syria black and white oh I like that yeah now black and white believe it or not I'm thirty five percent less use of my really yeah I down every don't have enough time so I'm always wanting to read you know things in studies and stuff like this and so someone who is been scared I mean what what is not on my resume was ice and which makes them even makes it even better because he can have a huge ego and he doesn't so you can find them at Guy Metzker dot com or oh H S medical dot com today we're and Kuwait and after various places in Africa back in the early nineties and and also worked as a I was bodyguards to the Z. Z. top two home from shopping her daughters went into the house thank goodness and they then somebody yeah I I I don't know how to do it because somebody show me how to do it I did it for me and it is but because I get caught up to I yeah Stevie Nicks and fleetwood Mac a Louis Morgan the country singer things like that I saw my job is had to look out for people and and it's easier when it's your job because it's your job and so you're very conscientious what goes on what is not as when it's not you and the problem is that we get too familiar with our circumstance is the number one problem that we have because we are addicted to distraction I mean our cell phones and I know everybody goes well I don't really want my cell phone that long worked for international executives securities and and been a consultant for I've worked as a bodyguard security specialist I've worked in security Places South Pancreas Chris Yeah I've never I've got to change the by a little bit because it's six world championships again and he is the most recognized guy in in the in the what and the UFC and the and the king of pancreas right say it right Ah you know listen my brain I have attention issues like real attention as you know and and so having the distraction is something that I enjoy plus to be honest the supermarket the same the same days usually up at the same time you know usually like in our house juiciest Sunday you know sometime after church right and so Jilin was on a Thursday night and I'm chilling out to some rock and roll and I had a feeling that someone was staring at me and I looked over to my right and sure enough this guy in a pickup was like you know which is usually around one o'clock and so if somebody was watching we would know that and so what ends up happening is we don't pay attention what's going on we don't pay attention to somebody's following US I don't know if I told you guys or not but I'm speaking to navy and Adriana and diamond but it's happened to me many many times so I left this restaurant and I got in my car and it was it'd be careless I felt like that night it was a reminder to me that I was careless and not as vigilant as I should have been I should have been aware that that car was following me or out there somewhere the he could awareness because typically I really do keep aware of my surroundings and you have to but I think women are are most susceptible truly when they're in their cars and right and he was smiling like looking over at me like hey you know you know because he was watching me dancing my car and like sing and stuff and but it's happened to me so many times I can't even tell you but had I not had the versus skill now instead of saying mindset 'cause mindset's kind of part of the skill part of what you're doing I I believe you know I mean I think awareness is the key where and my kids don't really give me much kick back on it they use it first but then their father when he loses his mind is not a pretty sight pretty sight so they don't want him losing his mind part of the game is the most important part of what's going on understand your surroundings when you walk into places and and I'm not paranoid okay I mean nobody would look at being all these apparently it does and so you know we drive up a girlfriend of my wives very who had she was pulling Coming fast rule wants to relieve the car the phones going your pockets Oh nice because they will be watching their phone as they step out and traffic and it's they say you know what the forty five seconds is gonNA take us to walk into the store is not having our father go beserk on us and so and and I don't like sitting with my back to to open to open things I sit with my back my wife always I don't mean but she also knows what I've been through and we have had to deal with and stuff like that breath actually that was the movie at Smoothie King and of course if I remember one of the best probiotics out there Tara Flora check it out at Environ MEDICA DOT COM and today's meatless Monday WanNa have you know you're going to want to have these tips well and perpetrators watch for for for habits don't they and and and things that well your your what's the word I'm trying to your what do I wanna say to your manliness how about that sometimes it's just trouble trouble no evil foods small batch Vegan plant meets. That's what I'll be having tonight

Dallas Robert Deniro Texas Sun Warrior plant Thorn Research Dispensary International Society of Sport Mendoza Guy Melker Dr Green United States Bernadette Mhm Dallas Texas Dr Deborah Greene Houston twenty percent sixty eight degrees thirty five percent forty five seconds one hundred years
Tim Baltz, Our Close Friend Again

Hollywood Handbook

00:00 sec | 1 year ago

Tim Baltz, Our Close Friend Again

"So we're walking around so what Alex X. P. Keys and by family ties and the King and we are cleaning meaning the land. Yes so what you know how every few days the lambs just gets all messed up well versus out that it's time to clean the land. Yeah there's there's trees and stuff is coming off the tree and that needs to be picked up there. Hey it's not just the trees themselves sounds but what's in the trees Sticks bugs birds. That's all falling out. Yeah eventually yes and so oh couple times a year lang gets messy. You just go around and pick everything with the King He's watching or he's helping he is there. He's onsite onsite. Sort of directing trade foods on the ground. Yes and like he's not like necessarily picking up a bug. We'll pick up a stick. Rabbi Risk Involved in picking a bug up right for the king is could become so sick. Now's the time but he doesn't like. He thinks that he says Ronald Reagan is the king. Show Yeah No I. I'm I'm surprised you were able to work closely with Alex. P Keaton As someone who we can say. This now tried to assassinate Ronald Reagan. Hey Welcome to Hollywood. Handbook tatters guy to kicking butt and drops red-carpet linebacker show. I just want to like give give a little behind the scenes contacts which is for the show. We talk about our experiences with the gas and get to know each other and we talk about working In entertainment business and this is important. This is all of that is going into the show here this but it is all being and us as established often miliary. Yes and so like now doing the show. You are actually benefiting from this conversation but Kevin Heaven and Sam on the other side of the glass. I'm getting these vibes from them. The whole time trying to have this conversation we just get this over with. Please please. Can we just do the free good show. Yeah it's almost as if they don't want to silently witness a a fairly mundane conversation about my new show surrounding shows that they're not involved with and that to me is proof positive of why they're on that side of the glass and my ass Zim here here period end of Sentence Elsa later shelf yes because the way I got in here was by listening so hard that I accidentally eh bleed through the glass and appear on the side suddenly. Now I'm in and it's because I cared about what people were saying about a camera or or a thing. Think about that. Can we talk to this guy who was here. This fucking guy this is Tim. It's Tim. Bald is coming to the show again. balts I've been on the show now twice and so now we have bolts instead of bald. Take them faults I see okay. Any relation to Balthasar. Getty Probably way back up the family tragedy related to Baltasar. Maybe on the ship and Tim was on the show with me before and and we did shrink. We talked about shrink. Tim I gotTa Say I listened to your episode with Hayes. I hated needed it. And that fucking psycho babble bullshitting GonNa work on me brother. I'm not here to do that. And that's not part of me trying to cycle try to rivers. We're trying to decide this. Had I've had to move on just like in a like what Chih fine. Every other C- subscribers had to move on I've moved onto that my bag anymore. Come on man. Hbo Ain't nothing but see so with a fresh coat of paint. You got everybody else around here. Fool fooled by this SACO babble. Smoke and mirrors. Bullshit ain't GonNa work on me if you're implying that I'm hoping. Hbo Max Buys Shrink from NBC and Commissions More Seasons now. This is something we can agree on sons. Hbo Max simply cannot get here soon enough. Can we say this. I'm refreshing every day. I'm refreshing I will be watching it in safari broken refreshing safari page every day. I'm calling safari think of this. TBS entire catalogue at your disposal episodes of search party. Maybe a new season of my the boys every day. I'm checking Hulo Safari. Hello Mr Fire Fox. That's the official browser. Hollywood handbook. I've heard that they have been talking about doing my boys as Neela doing has an anthology show good. Yeah Different Boys every episode same girl who's boys they are. Sometimes it's the same girl. Sometimes boys are the same and the girl is different. Wow and and so it's stories. It's just like different like human stories about my boys. It's just stories and his in that really what we do. You're you're trying to move on from C.. So and he's trying to move on from that question and shrink the whole experience. Yes Yep Yep just just like sell and Sopranos they keep bringing me back pretty good celebration. That was interesting to me. I I don't know you I listen you're upset with Hayes didn't didn't like it to see you disappear and become sill in front of me. It did win me over. Oh all right I was like I don't like this Tim Ball's character but this sill who I have such an affinity for when he would say Donnie. Don't me both to all the things. You're not. The only one who could do a seal impression does pretty good. I was sort of expecting to take longer that you would be one over and kind. I'm hoping it would just have more stuff to do. Well the thing that I know about myself I don't stay one over for log. C There's a trap set for me somewhere. I'm sure I'll step into it. No doubt you keep now going to devil's door. Sooner or later he might chose answer Tim. You Love Jazz is true. Yeah love loved Jazz Chicago Jazz. Talk about that scene. There's clubs everywhere. Yes every night of the week. I mean Horn clubs foreign foreign clubs Guitar Clubs Horn big stand up. Stand up the Hall Guitar. Yeah the one that you put your mouth to and then you pluck the the strings and huge. You're breathing effects. The sounds that. Come out of the big The Big Horn Tuba. Yeah I I mean every kind of club that you want you just get a huge thing of deep dish Juror fall since the notes. They don't play that. Make It. Chaz I'd say if I hear a bad jazz song all you have to do is take notes out Yeah you ever been to Chicago Chicago. Oh go city yeah famously done a couple live shows. They're shy town in a row. Everyone everyone who's anyone in Chicago calls it shy town. You want to be a local you say shied town the shy we and I was there. We were calling the shots because of the show is there a show called the shy MHM Hayes was calling himself a real shy guy and he was dressed like a Mary auto brokers and we learn from I I the we are your friends movie that everything can be music wave for short and everything in a way. Hey what we're doing on. The show has always been jazz. We always talk about like everything lease. Yes this is jazz right now. Hayes is the band leader. He's following. I'm I'm picking taken up. I'M GONNA watch him for the changes and I go. Oh I can go over there and he goes do Badu Badu and I go. Oh I could. I could match some of that hanging then I go. Hey Hey I got an idea fallen over here. He goes no I have to push him. Well that's I mean that's the biggest difference between jazz and Improv and then jazzy encourage. This ain't no. Yeah absolutely not. We're sticking with dip dip but if you try to take it someplace else that idea gives gives me an idea a booby David. Do you stop going to have to cut that part out now so you guys know Chicago and that really well we you mentioned pizza. Yes that was the other. I mentioned the pizza him. Yes hello pizzas fucking Hugh as subject biggest pizzas circumference swimming pool. So simple pizza right. Yeah it's an above ground swimming pool pizza. Do you think they would go for that. They're in Chicago. Yeah they go from A. I think they've already gone for it. kind of cold for swimming won't beats is more on the city's cold and ice cold. What kind of what part of a jazz do you think you could do with your mouth the best i? I think to simplify it. What do I think that mouth mouth would please an audience with the hi hat that sound? Oh it holy shit and he was still a minute ago and now has become. uh-huh Damn I can you do like the like the double the sometimes they do it really fast vast with their foot not fast enough. Oh you mean the hi hat the highest pretty. I test fast. Yeah not going as fast as I can. What about you the hi hat? No what's the best part of the that you think you could do. and Tim's on the hi hat. Ah Yes so. There's no way I had to say never to hi hat. There are clubs that are only. Hi Hat yeah hang on. Let me see what I got. Got In here. Let me just reach into my band here. See if we find boop BOOP BOOP boop to do so there was nothing in the bag that was how of what does this is what I'm looking in the bag. Yeah what comes out of me almost involuntarily ooh Yeah empty bag. Yeah took took to to Bombo Dum impending doom boom boom boon. Stir looking back Abaga near nothing. So Ah hi hats taken which I guess we all agree that it is. Do you ever instrument you WANNA DO I. AH I. I didn't have any in mind. Necessarily I could probably take the low end. I mean if you're gonNA do alone and from I guess I would have to SCAP man all over that s MHM. Dum Dum dum dum too sweet to sweet vastly league table Fast if you'd like to talk to you a bag of two things things that I know about you. The one thing I know is your shrink and the second thing is I think you stink skipping dot de sky tries to stuff so is it because I knew it was going to get very mean very soon he the scat always gets nasty. That's not me at least be aware that's not me sure. Yeah I hear it but I'm I'm sort of a paranoid schizophrenic. I completely lately dissociate scat. You don't want me to psychoanalyze that buddy. Hey Buddy I love to see a fucking try that psycho babble bullshit ain't GonNa work on me. We wear our characters like a thin veil and you you're vaillant that then pretty thick and easy to see from over. We're here so I guess. Now I do WanNa do WanNa know what you mean by that. Thicker is is easier and I guess it's easier to psychological trick a Thicker Vale is easier to see like the Actual Vale itself. We all wear it like a thin unveil If we don't pull it off than it appears thick to the outside Bill Murray said where your character like an overcoat that you can see it but it could. It'd be easily thrown off. So are you telling me that you think Bill Murray has played different characters in his career. I would argue. No I'd argue. He's never played a different character in his entire career. Well he got sad really. Some point. Excess is good and in Saint Vincent. He got an a weird accent but he's never ever really been different. It's just billboard about when you would put his mouth down like so you're talking about the FDR one would put it down like sue bill around the Hudson So you think that's when he was doing with his mouth. Think about that and check me. Kevin I noticed that you did not help and make any noise and there was no horn and at the very least that would have been nice to be saying Hog Kevin who supposedly musician decides is to lay way back in the cut to deepen the cut. Hey Guy Chef Kevin here. I can. Honk I always think about being the ride. cymbal though the ride cymbal. Yeah you WANNA go for a ride. was that sound like sounds just like it's a high any different. It's totally different. It's on a complete other side of the kit. That's the Bill Murray mouth do. That's exactly what I did. Yeah I guess I can. Honk do one. That's that's bad jazz baby. That's yes that's Chicago Jazz. See so gang ever get together have dinner. Yeah sure absolutely. What's Alec find the Hashtag whereas you set next to sit? Sit next to Walter huge round table. So you're technically sitting next. Everybody saw not technically. You're not well the tables outside outside us. We're inside the table so you're literally next to everybody and you're not really looking at anybody who looking at the food outside of your on the inner ring table. You're still not that many people knowing your next I would have small round table. You some people are in front of him behind. You agree to disagree. The point is that we're the heavy hitters. Don't agree to that. Two people have to agree to that. No I'm agreeing to disagree. You're disagreeing too. Yeah disagreeing yeah disagree to agree to disagree. Hey you think cool that really. Check my avail for Gillian. Did you say Kulat Coop couth up. Yeah I'm sure she did. Why you uh-huh yeah? you think she checked my email because I felt pretty avail at the time. Maybe it's something between you and whenever she's here and I ask A. I'm put me on that. But Jillian she goes. We try we try to and we enquired check your veil. And you weren't able to do it and I go. I've always been veil was do you guys have pre existing beef like what happened before but Jillian that you couldn't get amber Jillian because almost everybody got on this ankle. ANCO babble bullshit on me too. I'm not I'm not trying to break down my walls saying you know there were there were. ABC Story Lines in that. They a US pretty much everybody from UCLA. They brought in New York people because we are running out in La. One time. Irene in Fernie frigging Gallison's parking John and he said we were just talking about you in the Jillian Room and how we should use you for something because you're so funny I don't WanNa put you down and they even used it and they even used some Chicago people as guest stars. That's a slap in the face. She took my Fernie. turney stays in that Gallison's parking lot. I don't know him personally. I see him up and down that block he is the prince. Oh Yeah Oh that block. His wife gave birth in the parking lot. And I and I've seen that That baby going around there too. And he's training. He's like all all that you see each will one day be yours. One time I saw Kiefer Sutherland in they're buying wine in that Gallison and I thought I wish I could share this moment with someone and sure enough I could for any was right behind me. Okay this is a hymns ad. I'm Shawn Clemens. One of the main boys I am the Clem Dog. I am one of the main three or four people who do this podcast so you gotta believe me when I tell you that. I'm trying talk about him with you now. Normally Hayes Davenport is in the ad with me stopping me from doing some of my moves which which is telling you about how hymns while they do provide a good solution for some of the issues that they are trying to solve. It's not the only thing you can do. I have some ideas to that. Might fix it. Basically forty percent of man by age forty struggle from not being able to get 'em maintain an erection but the good news is the holiday season's upon us and hymns has the biggest black Friday deal of them all. This is a big black Friday deal for you guys and you can try a free online. Visit to get started with hymns dude. I have been to the website and I have to tell you. It is a flesh colored website which. There's no doubt about it. That's sensual if you can find a more central central website that hymns congratulations because for me if the tops the frigging whole thing looks like skin so hymns connects you realize doctors and FDA approved pharmaceutical products to treat ed they offer well known generic equivalents to number of prescriptions to answer earlier questions in a confidential chat with their doctors and of your approved by the doctor products are shipped directly to your door. I have dims dims to me. It's cheaper than hymns basically what it is. It's a lightbulb that so damn that your lover can't tell your soft so I don't really know what the next step is beyond that but it at least is a path to trickery which provides you with more options than being in a well lit room loud people WanNa go to hymns. My solution is cheaper or will be. We're trying to get the production cost of the light bulb. Hope down currently I making all of them by hand and dim maybe misnomer. They don't work at all. So food is pitch black when you put them in your lip and you can try him today by starting out with a free online visit go two four dot com slash handbook. That's F. O.. R. H. I am S. dot com slash handbook for him dot com slash. Handbook it would go for dims. You would go to four dims F. O. U. R.. The I M M Z slash. Han Book I couldn't get handbook Prescription products are subject to Dr Proven require for an online consultation with a physician will determine if prescription is appropriate see website for full details and safety information. This could cost hundreds words if you went in person to the Doctor Officer Pharmacy or two quite frankly Remember that's forums dot com slash handbook. Have Fun and be safe out there. quick brushing. Everyone's teeth. Today they do it I in the morning and then it happens again at night they do it for two minutes and the vibration has to be over imagined. Swath swath coming at you forever. That's what happens in the mail with quip. The toothpaste is arriving in the mail as well. Thank you officer post officer. That is even on the week of Thanksgiving. They deliver the mail. Three million healthy mouths are screaming at you too have quip. I started using it and now I'm brushing it all every day and have not freaked out once. My favorite thing is the flavor and the thirty second impulse feeling you have to do this. Brush your teeth after dinner with quip on Thanksgiving dinner if you go to get quipped dot com slash the boys right now. You'll get your first refill free. That's your first. I refill free at get quip dot com slash. The Boys Spelled G. E. T. Q. U. I. P. dot com slash. The Boys Quip the Good Habits Company. Hey guys chef Kevin here and now I'm in the ad to. Hey did you know that quick has a frigging blog go to get quipped dot com slash blog and you can see all their need entries. You you know everyone's talking about how good your teeth look and feel after you use the product but no one's talking about the blog Some of the entries on here are the worst and best candies candies for your teeth. Hey after that Halloween season I'll be reading that one once or twice so no pre existing beef with Koolup or Scott at she told me about Scott might be Scott Scott That could be the issue of my ass now. I I can never remember if I have told the story of the first time I met cool up on this show and I should really do it when she's here but there is pre existing beef bending they don't know if she knows about it tells the story. I was young man. Tim even younger than I am. I'm now seems incredible. I know I was living in New York City. I know you're a Chicago guy but there's actually other big cities I've been in New York. What's the point? I make it big as you do. What did you do when you you're underground cheesiness? CBGB's did listen punk. Scene Did do some underground shit a little show. Nobody Watch called the opposition comedy central you try to streaming on their dog shit player comedy central. Man I run everything on the player. I download shit import it to the comedy central player so that I can get all my ads halfway through people. Sentences is that might actually be hurting their player. If you're doing that might be part of the problem. It has clear structural problems. I'm watching succession session through the comedy Central Player so talk about a New York show the opposition opposition addition. Yeah right they were acting so crazy on that show. Where did you approve of that? No I was always the voice of reason in the room. Some of the stuff they're saying paying on that show. I just cannot get behind. Yeah nuts in your opinion. What was that show about? Oh do about twenty two minutes as long all given up got to give it up and laze on my shoulders. I carry them around the road. I'd seriously like actually being serious. It was about this guy Good who is. He's a weird guy. Not Interrupt Weird your God yes and like Kinda crazy. And he's like messing up and he I saw him on the show freak out and a lot of the time I'm thinking about it and I'm like is this supposed to be my supposed to be friends with this guy. Is he like like. Am I supposed to fight. This guy. Is he like pissed and they are. Is he crazy. You know yeah. And it's all these things but really the flaw with the show is you. CanNot satirize took billed platypus can you. Because it's strange but I certainly would like to see you try. I'll watch try for our long. Was the show a ten month month. Yeah ten months so okay. That's how long I'll watch you try to satirize. There is a duck billed as the straight you watch one hundred and fifty episodes of that effort but since it and then I'll say exactly what I at the beginning you cannot satirize the duck billed platypus because it is already the strangest creature known to planet Earth. What's a parody of people say? Oh the opposition. Like didn't wasn't around that long it came and went Hyundai Eh did more episodes as soprano they do say that. Yeah so they do. That's true well knowing this this and disliking New York as much as I do I wish I had not. I'm not taking the job. Yeah no I I enjoyed it. I got to slip back my hair on camera to work a studio show but ultimately they told you to stop position didn't ultimately they did. Yeah Yeah Yeah. They gave us an optimum continue doing the show or don't we chose the latter living in New York young man and I flew out to the Los Angeles for my big trip met with a sort of junior agent coordinator type at ca in the death star. Are there famous building. He told me to keep at it. Maybe send him some others. If I had more I have have kept at it. I don't know if he did so I was here. And what do you get asked when you come back from from mm La if you're in New York and you're doing CB you get asked. What was the theater? They're like. How's the did you see the theater? Of course I'm only here for tonight right so go to theater theater smart I would have done it again. I wish I was here. We call her for this. Yes let's call it and I enjoyed seeing on opposition. Yeah just like your hair back. But you're part is so powerful that just in a few minutes of year appearance the part is do need a dog. Learn anything working. It's way back into like the separating in your hair and you can sort of hear it clearly again he working through the slick. Yeah that was something inside me telling me I hated doing field pieces uses and I wanted to go home and but shrink you got to have the part. Yeah Well it's hard to get rid of it. I devise even when I'm doing characters for a live show. I always start when you start with a part now. I work from there. I wonder what chef Kevin's doing. He just opened the door. We're and then closed it. Yeah we don't need the dangle do we know I guess we can just caller on. I just was asking just throws it. So what do I do truly is cheap in this town is then you had to do with it. And it's so short get into that okay. Great Well L.. We're happy we waited now and you guys were having a nice talk. She picks you. I hope she picks up to she usually does you. Let's pop off a few more. While he will he punches in this is all I have right now. If you would like to pop off a couple I know. I think the duck billed platypus. Things is Pretty Bang on to borrow a Canadian. I don't know if you guys Appreciate anything that comes from Canada. Why letterkenny I'm not hearing baroness? Letter are Kenny's Osama's Kenny. I'm hearing ringing the same as the universe is Kenny. There's one character from. Yeah it's Kenny. Kenny yes cool up. Hey well I'm in here in the studio with Tim Balts you know him. Hayes is here to he wants to make sure you know that I tried to do the dangle but I just couldn't figure it out so mm-hmm I was asking Tim if he thought like whether or not he thought you actually checked my avail for Brasilia if he had heard anything. I can't believe that we're having a conversation okay. So so anyway I asked him and he basically said like. There's no way because you had used pretty much everyone under the sun on that show and we're even like the flying people in from Sioux city or whatever to do Little Day player role so I so he then asked me. Do you have any preexisting beef with Google up and I decided that this might be a time and I can't remember if we've gone over this but I would maybe tell the story of the first time I ever met at you but I don't know if we've ever talked about it on the show or even if we have I don't believe so So when I was is in New York as a young improviser I flew out to La for a couple of days for meetings. And then I wanted to see physically see Z.. UCB theater here. Because I knew people would ask me. What the theaters like? When I came back so I so I went to the the theater? It was a cage match night and I walked it and who was working. There aren't with a great manager. Maybe Emily Emily in fact it was cool up nothing and I said hey so sorry I said can I I said can I run in and just actually look at the theater like I just WanNa look like. I usually like the show sold out. You know there's no seats you can't go and I was like. Oh yeah well I know I know there's actually a break in between the teams. I literally I know this is maybe strange. I WanNa see the physical space theater just so I can say what the theaters like. I'm from New York and I'm going back and you're like you're like no you can't do that and then you like ask someone else and then you're like you can't do that and I said Okay and then I sort of walked away and then I was like hey I don't know if this matters I just I'm you know I'm I'm on the UCB website. Like I'm on a herald team on Amman team. The Web's I I teach at the not like a random person asked me because I know you don't know me because you're in La. I'm from New York but I am like I've been doing shit for like five years. No it doesn't matter in Providence. Well you have a job. That is a stressful job. I can respect that. I left very mad because I was because I was like. I know it wouldn't have mattered to anyone. It would've cost nothing and there would have been wins. Zero consequence to me to get an arbitrary rule was upheld purely so that the power of your position behind behind the desk could be wielded as a weapon against me. Now I would say you're probably one of my best friends. Do you agree with that kind of created that you not brought up in. You're not bringing it up until this moment I trail I think early on I thought aw. I don't want to bring up this story because I don't want her to be upset with me because I didn't know you well enough yet and then so much time had passed. I was like well. I'm not going to bring up the story now but when tim asked if we had pre existing beef that would have maybe cause you to never check my the proudly must be emailed you and hated unveil you were unavailable because you are high powered right and you're not my rep something about my reps. This is a phone call phone call or email al right but you're saying there's no lasting so he knows winning has an issue with now are you okay. Would that story cool up by what they did. Yeah I agree I agree shit man. You put me behind that desk. I would have done that. With extreme prejudice. Yes I would have been very angry. Yeah everyone is right. It's one of those things where everybody's wrong and everybody's right tens getting pissed. Tim is getting passed. Do you want to talk to Tim for Awhile while Kula pay I'm good. I'm so sorry I mean not only. Is this cutting into my time in the episode where I was trying to get out some. I don't know great juicy stories about my career but it's cutting your Saturday morning. I'm sorry yeah I appreciate it Are you doing good on my way to get my hair done. So that's going to be exciting. There's a picture of my my new hair. That'd be great just. I'm doing that after the show today. I'm going to get a haircut all right Shawn's on strength cutback in about his. Thank you for including me in your time it. It sounds like wait. Ask Squash beef. Wash it Yup. All right. We'll have a great rest here Saturday. Cool up I thought that it was the reps thing casting is also probably a good idea. Yeah I think those things and squash the beef inside them and also you know the shows available for free. Certainly if you're into or Amazon you can watch really. No property is just one hundred four without Hayes and John. Wow Wow that is great information. This was unplanned. But it's a fantastic promotion of a show The guys are giving me the thumbs up shrink. Check the other shows you've been on. He's been on a hidden. America Joan Array Gentleman. I'm an lobsters. You did both of those No while you're not sure did most of these shows yep I was the part of the rise and definitely part of the downfall. I love you cool up by Tim sitting next to it. The Brazilian I. I'm willing to talk. She's gone. I sit I sit back to back with everybody. Joan Array Cameron esposito butcher Matter J. Jay Feld the the Guy Yeah. He's roasted everybody. Yeah he rose Sullivan Turtle Turtle Turtle. Hey It's the turtle club president here. Sean Clem Dog Clemens. One of the main ones of the boys from the podcast and I would say that I am either the main guy or one or possibly two or possibly two or three out of the podcast guys. Who Do this show? Oh so you know you can trust me when I tell you that airplane flying is uncomfortable. Can I get a hell. Yes when I tell you. There's solution. Can I get A. Oh yes that sounds nice when I tell you if you don't buy the turtle neck pillow. TRT RT L. Turtle Pillow for your neck that you're basically saying to the airplane which is being uncomfortable at you. Hey I'm just going to sit here and just take take it like a chump. Then what are you going to do about me saying that. Are you gonNa frigging just accept that your life is worse. Because you're not putting on the pillow which I as promise did put on and hung out in. My living room sat in a rocking chair for a little while L. A.. Just chill with it picture that if you don't buy it on pissed seriously. The Turtle Turtle Travel Pillow is scientifically proven to provide better support than usual you shape neck pillow. I felt that the secret eternal travel pillows internal support structure which flexible support your head. And KEEP YOU UPRIGHT I. I felt that and when they told me it's patent design fits any neck. John Shoulder shape. I felt shit. 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Your Hollywood Hollywood's wouldn't please attr- won a realism. Shame story like that one my first week in La come out twenty thirteen for pilot season going to burbank for some kind of general meeting get destroyed at some pre read. Someone tells me that I don't understand. Just get get busted wide open and just split open. Yeah split half absolutely laid just hung out the window to dry. They can tell my naive when young fresh Chicago bodies just waiting to get blood drained from it Parking on the street that the slaughterhouses and I see the first celebrity sighting WANNA guess who it was Sharing Lawrence. WHO's that actress Sharon? Osborne both close. Probably right in the middle of the sweet spot between between those two people. Kevin Sorbo I go up to him and I say Hey Eric Elise Hercules right. I wish I'd said that. Yeah instead I said hey big. Fan of Hercules Jessup. A member. For him it must have been like we said Ed. Hey Big Fan. Of what is he going to say could be so many different things that he's GonNa like me four like that. That moment went for him of like not being sure whether people are going to say Hercules for all the other stuff that must be like professor libel or whenever yeah and what did he say he says. Shut the fuck up. We're in the in the waiting room. Dude we're all we're all prepping than I realize. I'm going for the same role as Kevin Sorbo. I look around the room. Who else is sitting there? Brechin Meyer two of the guys from Detroit Rock City and I'm like Oh my God like I'm so naive. This is my furlong. No not no no no not that one of those Patrick few get in that he would crush them who I ah. I got Hercules story to tee off on. This is tennis. And you're done. I mean pretty much I was doing. I mean you know. Realize you're in you realize you were accidentally been some new producers session and that has happened to me too so when you go to and then they go you you got to come back like a different time and they just do it then. You're like okay so I worked worked on a show called Ashford's evil at On Stars Stars you have course I read it all off. Baby I got everything I have it all so I work on that the closest network so your name stars via the same number of ladder. TNA one producers producers. Man Named Rob Tampered I. I've heard him sort of the King of New Zealand. Everything gets filmed in New Zealand because of some likely likely money laundering system that he has worked out over there root beer tapper. It's Rubio Tamper. He is married to Lucy Lawless and he was the producer and in one of the main creative minds behind perk yalies legendary journeys and seeing them warrior Princess Anne we would he was one of the gatekeepers whereas we would submit stories for the show and so we would send it something when we go like well. We WanNa have like this happened in the next episode and he would start most calls with we learned into lesson on Hercules years ago. Ahamat lesson was. You just can't do this boys. It's it's getting kyw by this man. Because it was because of the expertise that he had garnered throughout Hercules so for instance in in a show where it was a narrative story you know it was not episodic. There was a thread running throughout the entire Dr Series. You go okay. Well the big finale. We're going to kill one of the main characters and they die and he'd go. No we on Hercules would try. Try to do this where we'd establish some warlord and act one and we'd kill them an act three and nobody gave a damn yet. Just can't do it just every bag. So Hercules really affected both of Lar- Los Angeles careers in pretty substantial as. Yeah it seems like that was well. It was early on for me but it seems pretty fresh in recent for you. Yeah Yeah Yeah. He's also the one who called told my writing partner Dominic Dirk as they were too many jokes in the script that he wrote. I mean this thing reads like a God Damn Simpsons script take it. I mean first of all second. No it doesn't so this guy still alive or died. From how absurd is he's alive he could probably Suhur will for me saying this on the show but he'd have is how to get to the U. S.. While we we could cut this out with maybe we just try to so in something from earlier my story in this waiting room with Kevin Sorbo breckon Meyer two of the guys from Detroit Rock City And sandlot kid who lives in Las Villas. I see him around. Yeah Casella yes. That is an the. You're killing me. Small Dead Yes that do just sitting on checks. Yeah I guess he well I mean like you said. He's seeking work he's is it lasts every day is seeking. We're I seen waiting it. End The producer session. You see him where muster see. ooh tough go there. I haven't been there and you can see through on. Yeah I always take a little there. I made by having eaten six seven years. No kidding I wonder why. Why because it's a B minus show has told to famous stories? And you've only he told one and so this for the rest of the day he's going to kind of be like strutting around a little. A little tastes stories. Remind you I. I'm I'm a spectator spectator. I'm a guy in the big lifeguard chair at ten six. Yeah I gotTa Tell Ya I gotTa tell you when you expose that. That's your plan. People hate you even more than the hate villains is your cherry pick and right now. You're saying spectator. I'm just I'm just an innocent observer. I'm not I'm not trying to jump in there. You're Sherry picking and you fucking Cherry Picker you wanNA tell a story so bad getting AZZURA million host. But I'm also were fasting as precious Russia's career he would never do what I did. Have the guts to call out the XENA warrior princess producer. Also who knows who's invested in mustard seed. I probably ruined my career at saying in about a B minus but is there for Tatas like I duNNo. Go there and that's your neighborhood. And they they see you. They see me every all all day. There was one stars executive who knew way too much about like artillery and firearms to we get notes like little like activity these. There's a thing in this group who is like and then He. He tries to shoot Zombie. Whatever and he'd be like you would never be able to do that without it he would just like with all these see see now? That's three stories from Sean. This is what I'm trying to help you with. I'm getting into the rest of the day. is going to be like insufferable. I'm getting zero zero down Skiba to do what's what's coming up. What's going on Tim? Tons of guests pat. That's fucking lousy with offers guest Gregg. Yeah I can see him just like they're trying to going off you. Yeah that's true and most of the stuff's on crackle to MHM is finally. Is that show grimes. Grimes Vice President. Grimes is that still these crimes that were I think it was on epic's but it seems like something that some people people we know would have done. I didn't do it you didn't do boss boss. No boss filmed in my hometown. You mean the Kelsey grammer one. Yeah filmed in my hometown shit. My Dad's old diner. Oh Fuck Kelsey grammer baby. Your Dad has had multiple diner. Yeah served he loved diners. He loved him a lot. Apparently tell me more one time. This is what he's doing with the mustard. He's trying to bring down One time he was sent at his dad comes in and CHICAGO CELEBRITY AKA Improv Jesus. TJ JAGGED ASK ASCII walked in with his wife Just like that. Well we try to get him for our Chicago show. Yeah he's not GonNa do that no he's not apparently not sorry gang Eh. Who Do we go through? Arnie Arnie Arnie but he's not going to be able to pull. TJ Now he's back no one is going to go to a teacher has put himself in that position. He's sitting on a mountain of Santa Cash on an even bigger mountain of integrity integrity. And you're not gonNA get him to do random one off I'd cast was. I was hoping he'd be like Oh. Wow I'm me I guess a podcast. Yeah he's old old school Chicago. La podcasts. They're coming through Chicago. Oh where'd you get. Where'd you play what I forget what it's called Kevin? What was it called up? It's called the UP. Yes we did the up baby nice up all night. I mean all my shows in a row all my should ever do this two shows in a row double back the backer. Yeah you've done that. Yeah I didn't think I would heard about that. Everyone mm-hmm no one in L. A.. Cares about what happens in Chicago. I would think I would have heard about that. That happened. But okay well you guessed it on nit picky network bigger network. Yeah sure easy for me you you got them all you write it off. Yeah pick one paramount channel They did say spikes Does the same thing Um I was Principle Belfry in Anna Green Gables all grown up and a green gables yet paramount rebooted it. Wow present present day. She's all grown green gables. Groans Up Damn Anagram Gables ovation ovation. Okay I played assistant principal Danforth and their adaptation of New York Times bestseller outliers mouth. Glad and I am glad he's doing so well. We'll flew on the LALITA expressing. We'll talk about bug bite.

Tim Chicago New York City MHM Hayes Kevin Los Angeles WanNa MHM John Shoulder Hollywood Kevin Sorbo Ronald Reagan Hbo Hbo Sean Clem Dog Clemens Tim I Shawn Clemens Alex X. P. Keys producer P Keaton
Cheating Happens

Death, Sex and Money

00:00 sec | 11 months ago

Cheating Happens

"It was nothing that he ever tried to hide for me but honestly I have never looked down at his hand and one day I did and it was just like Oh this is that sex and money ars living with someone else this show from. WNYC about the things we think about a lot word is around a lot of cash and need to talk about more Anna sale having an affair seems like such a big decision of of course it's really a series of small choices once it actually finally happened and we started making out. I I said fuck is what I was like I. I hope you're going to be so bad at this. You're going to hear a lot of cheating stories in this episode. I'M GONNA start with with one alley in Massachusetts met the guy. She called her married boyfriend through work. They hit it off and started emailing and texting jokes to each other. He lived in another town so they only see each other occasionally each time she felt pulled further and she was twenty nine single and had never felt this way about someone even though she knew he had a wife a two year old and an infant at home I would say there was probably a two week span of battling in my head because My Dad Cheat on my mom so I was so against anti like no you know what if you choose to be with that person. Then you'd be with that person and if you're not happy you leave and that's just how it is but that's not really how it is so how is is it like what were you thinking about. I think it became more painful to not do it. You know and to just test the waters and say maybe maybe. This is the only guy that I'll ever be in love with and for me to deny myself fat. That would be terrible to you. Felt a very deep deep connection to this guy. Oh yeah he really become my best friend and there was no denying that what we had was quasi-surreal every off 'cause I real- quasi real you. You never had any illusions that it was going to be a long term thing but it felt right. Eight in that moment No I had lots of illusions that wish that this would be for the long term and there were a couple of times times where we actually talked about it and I said listen. I want us to be something and he kind of said. You know I'm right there with you. Oh it was an illusion that we both kind of belt for each other. This guy was not just married. He was married with two little kids. Yeah when did when did you talk about that. It was always a little bit present There were certain times when he would go out and talk to his wife on the phone because you know he would leave a room where you were to go call his wife. Oh yeah he goes outside and smoke cigarettes because he was a smoker. And what would you do while he was making those calls plan my phone watch TV. You know every once in a while you reflect on it but And you feel you feel bad. I we both felt bad add. It wasn't something that we're like. Oh this is really fun. We're having a blast. It was like how what what if life could be like without this. You know what if life could be without this thing like without his wife and kids you know if you could just is beyond would that even work. Though it'd be something that I would always question and my head Mhm Ali told me their affair ended after about a year by then. She says she felt like it was all about sex. And that's not what she wanted. As far as she knows his wife never found out and she hopes it stays that way. This was one of the stories you sent in. When I asked about cheating I heard from a lot of you? I started having an affair about two weeks into the marriage which makes me sounds like the most horrible person the world it is one of the most isolating and lonely experiences. This is the only way that I find comfort. Actually actually don't feel guilty about it. Don't do it just don't do it. It's a terrible idea. I heard stories of people who cheated and were cheated on. What what does he died down have dating and married? I had taken my wedding band off and I left it in his cubby outworked. Almost all the stories were from straight people just a few lesbians wrote in no game in on this one some of you are right in the middle of it. The person I am involved with is definitely definitely cheating. He's still married. I'm not I feel like a shit hole of a man even as I typed this message wrote a husband whose wife doesn't know about his current cheating. I love both men deeply. wrote a married woman reconnected. With the college love she added. Is it right to have an affair. No but I don't feel bad about what I'm I do. I had been wanting to break up with him. And so I- cheated on him and I had to break up with him afterwards awesome. It's non best thing to do as a human being but I'm I'm really happy. I don't think I could be this. Happy talk during it. Others of you wrote him with some perspective. Well after the initial crisis we decided to write down all the events that had taken place I thought we were disappointed ourselves with and read it together as a couple and then lit it on fire and since that moment it has has been incredible. The affair is like that vacuum cleaner. You get as a birthday gift. Michelle says now about her wife's and banality. You don't want it you you have a bad reaction to it and then a few years down the line you acknowledge how much better your life is with a note on sourcing because this is such a tender under subject and because in most cases I heard just one side of the story. I'm using first names here and sometimes changing them completely. I'll tell you when I do that. This this is Andy in Connecticut. I I guess I remember one time when I had a new boss and one of the things that my colleague told the new boss said you know. There's one thing I'll say about Andy. Andy loves his wife very much and it's very faithful to her. I didn't know where that came from. I was like but you know that was kind of the Bible. That was Kinda value I wanted to put out out there. You know you have to quote hall notes you know. I'm a family man. Andy Story about infidelity started long before he was ever in a relationship he he says his dad cheated I on his mom and after their divorce on his girlfriend's the best one was I think I might have been twelve. I was visiting him in Florida and he was dating this woman very seriously and this was a wonderful woman and my brother and I really really liked her a lot. My Dad had this woman from his past. Ask Sort of this on again off again romance. I don't want to judge it as a fling or anything but it was just this woman who periodically would appear and disappear appear and disappear and this woman called and my dad was gonNA fly down to Florida and my brother and my dad. You can't do this. You have a very serious girlfriend. You're going to ruin in this. He said well. No she's never gonNA find out but no you can't do this. You can't do this at all you're gonNA blow it you know my brother and I pleaded with him argued with him. I mean I'm twelve my my brother's six. We're we're berating father. And then finally he slams the brakes in the car and says hey. I'm a grown man. I can make my own decisions and I remember thinking thank you may be a grown man. But you've you've got the mind of a child and guess what happened. She came down. The other woman found out and And he lost her is your I saw. They're still living yes. Do you have a relationship. Oh Yes oh I love my father very much. You know at some point you you kind of have to reconcile the fact that you know. I don't think happen. You know you can either go through your life upset angry bitter sad whatever or or you can love the person you love unconditionally and More or less Forgive them you know I I knew what kind of man I want it to be. And what kind of man I didn't want to be. You Know I. I kind of feel like people have a choice. You know. They don't have to be unfaithful. Faith they don't have to entertain the possibility of being unfaithful. You know. Fidelity is something that I think is a value and I value Fidelity Value Faithfulness. Forgiving a spouse for cheating on you might be like taking a bullet but I would never wanna be the one that fire the gun mhm that analogy that forgiving. Someone cheating taking a bullet for them that comes from sex columnist Dan savage from when we talked on the show. Oh last July and it stuck with people including a woman. I'm calling Sherry. That's not her real name. She's forty one and says she's been married to her husband for almost eighteen eighteen years. They met in high school got married right after college despite doing women's studies class and considering myself a feminist since I I can remember I felt like I somehow managed to fall into every trap. That's set for for women. What do you mean by traps? I did You know everything that I think is expected I gave away. My name took his name. We got married. We're we had had two kids who are of course perfect and extraordinary and we lived in the right places and did did all the right things and to a certain extent we have been very successful. I don't know I don't I don't want to discount that when you make all of those very safe choices you you are rewarded for that. Uh and how old are your children now so my children are sixteen and thirteen and a lot of the trouble sort of began Dan when my youngest started sort of just grow out you know when when they're little for the first you know ten ten years or so they take up so much of your literal physical and mental self that you sort of lose yourself yourself parenting and when your kids get a little bit older they start to not need you. In that way they start to pull away. It left me as as a mother sort of starting to wonder how I was GONNA fill all of this time that I suddenly had and what happened well so there was a lot out of different things going on. I describe it now as sort of this awful you know hurricane so I turned thirty nine and my kids got older and I I lost all this weight and suddenly this question started coming up about who you know who was in who is actually in control of my I of my physical self because it felt like for a long time. Of course it was My kids and for all of my adult life we've I. It was presumed to be under the control in a lot of ways of my husband and at the same time we did start to have a sexual problems. He He was turning me down a lot which was not okay and so all of that was sort of happening at the same time And in the middle of that sort of hurricane there there I stood in stepped. This wonderful distraction. Where did you meet the wonderful distraction? So yeah so I met this district action Through work although he's not a CO worker but I met him through in in the course of my of my work and it and how did your relationship with this with this guy move from being professional to to personal oh. It was was just through emails and and well emails and text messages. I sometimes I sometimes think about how text messaging may have may have changed changed everything about marriage and because it makes it so easy right to To sort of Cher personal information while still maintaining this sort of distance so there was just a lot of text messaging. And what you text like in the room with your husband. Yes absolutely there was there was really not a lot of of I. I was not horribly concerned about about being caught in that way. You know my husband and I they had had been together for so long and I came to realize that a lot of what was going on was that he in a Lotta ways. Had I think had stopped paying attention. I think that to a certain extent we were both sort of invisible visible to to each other and was this. Was this guy you were having the affair with. Was He also in a relationship yes he he is married So it was yeah. It was an absolute secret on both ends and meet in hotels. Yeah Yeah and and keep in mind you like this was not. That's something I don't know how other people's affairs work but this was not something to happen to all of the time. In fact you know the entire affair went on for some time in between nine months in a year and in that time we only met up like three times physically. It was a lot more sort of in between you know text messaging and a lot more a lot more communication that way you lost. You lost a lot of weight when you were turning. When you're thirty nine yeah? Do you think that had to do with with feeling like you wanted more physically from the world It may have ed also what I think it did to was it. Actually it amplified for me. How little control? I felt that I had like I was happy and joyful joyful with this new found sort of sexuality that I had and that I felt like I was. I had this power that I had never had before over men ever. You're but at the at the very same time. I was also just infuriated about it. The Hut that I am the same person that I ah I was before and and and the fact that every that so much had changed because I had lost this ridiculous weight is maddening. The way you tell the story is this experience of feeling deeply empowered and also angry and a a Lotta resentments coming to the fore. Why did this wanted the affair end because I wanted it to end because I could not continue to to live the way I was living? And at what point did you tell your husband. It was several months later. And you're still together when it happened. Well I think mainly what happened. Was that my husband. My husband happened and you know one of the things that that I feel bad about now is that I feel like I underestimated him It never occurred to me that my husband would react act in any way other than you know. Anger and judgment like the the dominant narrative. Is that right. Like the cheater cheats. And the person who's been cheated on calls a lawyer right and crockery is thrown. And and that's how it's supposed to go and that's not how it went. That is just quite simply not how it went. I don't want to minimize his pain because it was very very off all And very very pain fall for him but he was mm-hmm able for whatever reason to look past this incredible pain that he was going through. And I'm ask why and and listen to the answer They did take some negotiation before sharing her husband decided to stay together Sherry wanted three things to take back her maiden name to move to a new house and to allow each of them to have occasional flings outside the marriage. She says her husband didn't want to sell the house. But okay the rest one of the things that we talked about her that I was sort of saying to him. was that you know it. You don't have to follow you. Know the the the narrative that everybody that everybody else does you know you don't have to get divorced. You don't have to you know Do these things you you can decide to go a different way. How does your husband respond? When when you said I think we should allow non monogamy in marriage? He thought about it in in terms of trying very hard to see it from my perspective like really listening to what I was saying and what experiences I was having that you know would cause us and you know it was sort of funny but one of the things I said to him was I. I cannot believe that we are that that are a twenty year relationship and this life that we've built together can be destroyed because my vagina was in the wrong place for you now like this. It's absurd it's absurd and I did say that to him. Like like part of me just thinks this is ridiculous like why should this matter the way that it does and I just don't think it should And for him for him agreeing was in in part. Because you made it a condition of keeping the marriage together right. Yes yes and I and I do go like I I. I hate to think how what what what people would think of me if they knew that. Because I don't think that that their reaction would be good. I think that You know and I question myself about what it did is emotionally blackmail him and basically say like a ransom letter or something. You either do what I want. I'm GONNA blow up our lives and that is what happened up and that that is what happened that is that is what what I did. You know right or wrong and I I don't I don't quite know whether it was right or wrong yet. Coming up Bob. More on the emotional cost as we figure out what's right and wrong. Like for Cody and California. Who says his girlfriend cheated on him repeatedly and denied nine it until he caught her? That was almost five years ago and he hasn't been in a serious relationship since it purely comes down to trust I I just I don't really know how anymore and it's It's terrifying to me. It's I try dating. It's been. I've been on a date since October. Now because I I'm I I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings and I saw this pattern of every time. It gets just to the cusp to wear that vulnerability needs to present itself. I just I run. I just can't can't do it. This is not the music we normally plan the middle episodes. It's an Aria from Mozart's the marriage of Figaro and it's one inspired us to release this episode about about cheating which we I put out back in Twenty fifteen this week. Our friends over at the podcast area code are digging into this famous piece called Dove Sono in at a countess singing about her husband being unfaithful to her and wondering why they're marriage has lost. Its spark Even back in seventeen eighty six infidelity with something. Something people were thinking about a lot and meeting to talk or sing about more this entire season of area code which is hosted by musician. Rian and Giddens is all about desire in addition to people from the opera world. They also talk with guests like Dame Judi dench and Patchett and two people. We've had on our show. Anna clunky on ski and Dan Savage. Dan Of course had things to say about the cheating in the marriage of Figaro. Aria code is a great podcast. A welcome change up in my listening habits habits. You can find a link in our show notes or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. On the next episode we had no idea of where we're headed and then finally got to art bone heart mountain is in Wyoming and during World War Two. It was one of the sites where Japanese Americans were incarcerated. This summer I went to a reunion at heart mountain. I talked with some of the people who were imprisoned. There were young children at the time and with Saunders descendants. I said mom you know once you angry at all about what happened and you know she pretty not much said No. I was a fun place to be. It was where I met. Dad I said come on mom you know it. Where'd you a little angry about what happened? And then the conversation escalated to her yelling at me telling me you don't have a right to have an opinion about the incarceration because I was there and you're not this is depth sex and money from WNYC. I Anna. I'm calling about the cheating episode. Sasha recorded a voicemail while she was driving home from work that's not her real name. She talked for about ten minutes about a relationship. Gone horribly wrong. The thing that feels the worst to me about all all of it is just. How much work you put in to the deception? Sasha is a biologist before this she considered monogamy unnatural and worth deconstructing looking back. She feels naive life because the force of her pain keeps surprising her. It's hard not take it personally. It's hard to say you must have really hated needed me. Why not just leave? Sasha says she and her partner were together for five years when she first confronted him she thought he was is having an affair with a colleague and he had said to me. You're paranoid you don't trust me. I don't know if I can be in a relationship with someone like you. How did you find out the extent of his of his cheating So the initial stuff with the woman here I. I asked to look at a cell phone and saw excessive text messages with lots of specific kind of conversations nations that only people who are intimately involved would have After her I was contacted by a woman who had responded due to an ad that he had posted in on the Internet looking for casual sex and she said that she had responded to the AD in April role of two thousand thirteen so this was October when she reached out to me and I just decided to log into this this particular account I I thought maybe. He hasn't changed his password. And so I went in and you could look at the history and I discovered that there had been these kinds of ads for years. The first one was in March of two thousand eleven when we lived in a different state. And you'd move together. Yeah Yeah we'd move together. Did you ever confront him about this. After your break up I did in in the form of a text message and what happens it. He denied it he. He denies it still. What did you say? Oh I don't remember exactly but I do believe it was fairly pointed. I think I think I said something about you. Know sort of knowing everything and feeling incredibly betrayed and really hurts and utterly distraught at the the whole idea. Yeah and I think I probably thanked him for the need to go get tested for. STD's Have you thought about being in another relationship. Yeah I think about it constantly constantly but I'm not very happy now because I haven't forgiven myself breath and until I can do that and then sort of ultimately forgive him. I won't be good for anyone. And what do you blame yourself about a complicated question it. It shouldn't be but it is. I have taken a lot of the blame for ignoring some red flags. Not Trusting myself more or valuing myself enough to say this is no k when things were happening but rather covering them up or compensating waiting for them. What do you think you'll say the next time? You have a conversation with somebody year. You're beginning a relationship with with what we say about your expectations. I think I wanNA make sure that the person that I'm with can answer the question. Do you know what what you need to be happy. Do you know what you need more so now than ever. Even though there were days where I just wanted to have the earth open up and swallow me whole I think. Now I'm I'm a better person and it's a two way street. I certainly clearly wasn't making him happy and ways and I think that I will be a better partner her for it moving forward when I'm ready when I'm ready to vulnerable again About a year ago my partner of ten years confessed that she was having an affair and fell in in love with one of our best friends. We immediately started couples therapy as we have kids the other. We wanted to try to make this work working through fear that she will change your mind. Leave me for the older woman and I know I have to forgive her. Trust again. Just scared to make myself all For Joe in Texas the problem hasn't been vulnerability. He's had trouble finding women who could commit to him. All My interactions with other women have basically been them cheating on and their significant others. Joe and that's not his real name says it's been this way since just after high school he's in his forties now over the last seven or eight years. He's met women online and it's developed from there including in his last relationship with a married mother. He says it lasted about two years until he broke it. Off last fall you find ways to justify it I'm feeling a little bad about my situation. Russian she's feeling bad about her situation. you know. Why don't we just support each other kind of thing? And it was a physical relationship to turned into it not Not right off the bat or immediately but it did turn into it. You know. It didn't really change change much of what was going on in my life like she would come and see me. Why did it end? It just just started adding up like I don't. I don't really see where it is. I fit in this thing. Wake A. That's the kind of the part where I felt like I was just you know I'm just a side show show. There's a pattern that you can look back on your life and see that you've you've been with a series of women who weren't available to be just fast with you but sounds like you don't you don't quite figure that out when it is yet. Well I mean I do have. I've got uh-huh reasons why I believe that Physically Dino I'm not I'm overweight guy So I feel like that's probably why I can't be the number one choice They may love of my sense of humor in my kind of compassionate side and the fact that I'm not afraid to let out my feelings and Talim different things all that loses to the fact that I'm not six foot for and and have rock hard abs in look fabulous or something you know how taller you and how much do you weigh. I'm six one and I'm very happy to say that I'm About two ninety five right now a lost About forty five pounds in the last year. Congratulations thank you very much. I'm kind of done being I'm trying and to be done being ashamed of anything about me and just putting it out there and saying this is me this is who I am I've been married three times and each time I went out and cheated to find. I guess love. It's so much harder being on this side of things that I think people realize you need to talk about endings. Before you're beginning. You need to talk about if it it all falls apart. How would we behave? Would you WANNA behave. And we don't offer enough support to those. That have made mistakes like this. I'm trying to be loyal in that area. I hope that it works out this time And it has to be said when you're talking about sex sometimes there are consequences beyond busted relationships and emotional wounds sounds cheating can lead to a child. I found out later that he had gotten a friend of his pregnant woman. I'm calling crystal sent this in. I'm from Virginia. She's twenty seven. She's been with her boyfriend for six years. She told me he's in the army and has deployed several times during their relationship. Sometimes there there were tensions at one point. She says he thought they were on a break while he was deployed. She didn't when he was back at base in the US. She called him when he finally did answer the call he was just in tears. Like Oh my God I messed up. So I'm like so what is it. And he just kind of said it like so and so's pregnant. What I think my stomach just dropped on my feet and the tears just welled hold up I mean how do you react to that you know so I was like where I'm not taking this sitting down? We're not handling this over the phone as soon as you get home. You will buy me a plane ticket. I will fly out this evening. I am coming to stay with you for a couple of weeks. We're hashing this out. That was really brave of you. Thank you that your emotions towards it. I mean it was actually really funny because as soon as I got out to the airport the first thing I said I looked at him in the phase gave him like a fake punt in the chest. And I'm like fuck you you suck. Let's go home you did. Did he think he cheated on you. I think he thinks he betrayed me. And and even when I think about it I don't necessarily think he cheated on me. I see it more as a betrayal which is much different. Because I mean cheating cheating doesn't have to carry anything with it. It doesn't necessarily carry anything with it right like some people cheat and that means a longtime affair other people cheat and that means a one time fling some people cheat and their partners never know and they're probably better for it for not knowing and carrying that with them you know so cheating for me. It's not the physical act that makes infidelity. What it is? It's the emotional impact in the mental impact in the living with it. I was haunted by what happened for so long And I think I just felt so much more betrayed because now we have a surprise human coming out of a bit. You know. There's their child. Yeah now I have two people in my life. Who would not necessarily have been there before so it? It's more the imposition of of what the end result turned into that that I think got me for a very long time. Am I had the very human reaction of after I'd Kinda came to grips with what this whole situation meant for me and for him and for for what our relationship would be. I would have these very mean mean fantasies of just like maybe she'll fall down some stairs. Maybe she'll you know slip and fall on something. Maybe something will happen. And and of course I never wished those things on her and they were out her and not about him right right well. No don't worry. He actually got some he got all my IRA different though. There were no fantasies about the I R- for him he got my IRA and he was spared but it was thinking about. How can this baby not come into the world's exactly 'cause then at least if the baby's not here then she's not here and I get to have my pretty picture back now? It's a new family family picture for crystal. Her partner's daughter is four years old crystal. Says she's a riot. The little girl's mom got married last summer crystal and her partner were at the leading to help celebrate. Only you know what's right in your relationship until cheating happens. It's hard to predict how you'll handle it calling from an undisclosed location in Europe. That's what I learned from. This message was among the first to come in and it stuck out. We've been married for twelve years. Convene together for fifteen. We have two kids a house but full catastrophe and It's sort of came as a as a shock. Release things our Schulkin. Especially because not only did she have an affair. She had an affair with someone who I considered a friend and and on top of that is also our neighbor so it was very very instill. He is confronting situation. I and I think my initial reaction was to break everything break up and you know thought start from scratch and I. I was very fortunate to be able to talk to somebody who who brought the whole confrontation back to me and got me to ask the question of who do I want to be as a person. How do I want to respond and how I respond? I will have to live with for the rest of my life so after some some days I actually decided to you know there was too much at stake to simply drop everything thing right there and then so I decided to to face the consequences of what happened in my life and I had I think you know the deep level will we really really love each other and if that is enough of a basis to try to to try to continue to build on on that relationship and if you would've asked me if anybody would have asked me beforehand you know how would you react if you find out your partner had had an affair. I I would have probably said you know I will. I walk so it's also a surprise of what I had in me. It's almost like The crisis situation you just meet At different part of yourself for me I must say I'm glad I took this journey and even though I still feel there's no guarantee but then again there's that it never is in relationships between people and so when a secret affair is revealed it's devastating destructive and something we all would like to avoid but it's also a moment that can make us finally finally fully honest about what's been missing and what's worth saving. Thank you for sharing your stories that sex and money is a production of WNYC. The team includes Katie. Bishop Emily Boutin James Ramsay Caitlyn. Pierce Zachary Mac and Bill Moss. Thanks to Paul rested tested Argo studios for his help with this episode and a special. Thank you to Chris Bannon. This show exists because you asked for ideas. The team and I are forever ever grateful for your support. Guidance and exacting standards. We wish you the very best in your next adventure. The Reverend John Bloor and Steve Lewis l'espoir theme music. If you like the show subscribe on I tunes and write us a review there. I like to hear what you think and it also helps more people find us on the podcast chart chart all this has made me think a lot about cheating though if you ask my fiance Arthur. We don't need to talk talk about it more. Because I'm tired of it. Disrupting our conversations every day or re other day. Do you think it's been also useful. Premarital conversations that's also true several of the conversations decisions have been useful and like the other forty seven has not just been frightening the sale and Mrs Death Sex and money from WNYC.

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Marrying Someone With a Lot of Debt (Hour 1)

The Dave Ramsey Show

39:51 min | 1 year ago

Marrying Someone With a Lot of Debt (Hour 1)

"From the headquarters of Ramsey solutions broadcasting from the dollar rental studios. It's the Dave Ramsey show. Were dad is dumb cash is king in the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey your host you jump in. We'll talk about your life and your money. It's a free. Call triple eight eight to five five two two five triple eight eight to five five two two five Jake is with us in Shreveport, Louisiana. Hi, jake. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey show. Hey, thanks for taking my call. I have a question about commercial real estate. Honestly, if I'm really in a position to to pursue it or not my last night rose twenty nine I'm fireman. She's a nurse and together bring all about two thousand dollars every two weeks. We don't know that anything except for our house. Mhm and there's a there's a town not Faulk. My relive that is growing very rapidly. And. And clearing land in his apartment here. Much. Steph is going on. I was just I was just wondering if it'd be worth purchasing property there for like a strip center or something like that. And so you know, what Steph to take toward that. Because I don't you know, I don't know about that. It's a little bit. I've been researching lately. Well, I'm a big fan of real estate. Big fan of commercial real estate on a bunch of it. It is developing strip center from the ground up in an area that is growing area that we might say as green it's not all the way mature yet is pretty risky because you can sit there with a ton of time with things sitting empty until you fill it. And then when you fill it, you're going to have some more costs out of pocket to do your tenant improvements, and so forth, depending on how your leases are structured and those sorts of things. But usually you've got some more out of pocket after you get it up. It sounds like you don't have any money. We have around eight or nine thousand and savings, and then it has an thousand in a Roth IRA that I moved over from another another place. I worked at my retirements all state retirement pension. Gotcha. And how old are you point nine? Okay. Good. Well, you're doing good you're on the way. So what I teach people to do Jagan. What I did personally is to get your home paid off or before you start buying investment. Real estate be putting fifteen percent of your income into retirement and let that grow and build you towards wealth buying paid. For real estate is a second phase of your wealth, building, not your first phase, you're still in the first phase. And if you start buying real estate with no money, which you basically when you start talking about a two million dollar million and a half dollars strip center deal land and building and leasehold improvements and everything when you look at it in light of that you have no money. Okay. Me. You didn't call say, Dave. I got six hundred thousand bucks, I wanna play with towards us two million dollar deal. You know, that's not where you are. Okay. And so what I would tell you to do if you're interested in it. Keep reading about it studying about it. And I use that personally because I'm a real estate guy de. Desperately wanted owns them real estate, but I don't borrow money. So I got my house paid off. Then I start saving about my first rental property, then about another rental property and every time you buy one. You don't have any payments on them. They make a lot of money the rents all pure, it's pure cash, man. It just comes at you like crazy. It's wonderful. And so it snowballs in a good way to building wealth. But so let me kind of outline it this way fifteen percent of your income going into retirement, pay your house off when your house is paid off save as rapidly as you can and buy you a nice rental house and get started and it for cash and then use that one to grow. And if you wanna buy another one that's fine with cash after you do that. And then from there, let the let the strip center idea, you're probably not going to do the deal you're looking at that's probably going to be long gone by then it's going to be around. Here's down the road. But let it be your third or fourth or fifth piece of real estate that you pay cash for and it could change your life. But if you buy it right now, I could change your life in. Bad way could bankrupt. You. So it's just real estate is not a game to play in. When you don't have a lot of liquid cash you need cash for in real estate. It'll bite you otherwise. Because it takes long time to get stuff through building permits. Get stuff drawn get the building out of the ground. It takes for ever. I'm in the middle of building a big office building right now. Oh, man. So like poem teeth. Unbelievable. Everything takes time everything slow, and it's just it drives me nuts. And if I was sitting there waiting on that thing to get built to get money coming back out of it. And right now, only feeding it hall, and I and I was doing that with all debt payments. I would be sunk it would be awful. And that's not where what I want for you. I want a different answer for your question. So, hey, thanks for the call open phones at triple eight eight to five five two two five Ryan is whether it's in Dallas, Texas. Hey, Ryan, how are you? Hey, Dave doing pretty good. How about yourself better than I deserve. How can I help? You got a question for you. I'm supposed to be getting married here in October. I found out that my fiance has thirty four thousand and student loans and about twelve thousand hundred car left. I myself do not have any debt and I've recently backed on my 4._0._1._K contribution to about eight percent. And I was wondering what your thoughts were about completely holding off on doing any contribution and just focus on cash or when we do get married. I would. Yeah. I would treat it like it's a debt snowball. But in in a savings account until we come home from the honeymoon. What is your income? Okay. About sixty seven. What's her a year about the twenty six? Okay. Is she doing anything towards this? Are you in agreement on this issue? I mean, she will right now, she moved back home with their parents. She's able to put about a thousand a month towards her debt. So it's helping a little bit. They're good. I'm just trying to I got about twenty five saved up myself. Good just in cash, I'm hoping to have everything say to be able to pay it off. And I'm just yeah. I think if I'm able to I think you will withhold might okay? Yeah. I was stop everything and treat it like you were married with thirty four thousand dollar debt, only, you don't pay directly on the debt until after the honeymoon as you said put it in savings until then. But when you come home from the honeymoon write a check it's gone now, we are debt free. And then we started Raj it and we restart both. We we start both retirement accounts. And you know, make sure your emergency fund is there three to six months of expenses. And so on. Yeah. You got the plane right on track. How old are you too? I'm twenty seven she is twenty five and you're gonna kill it. You are on fire and you're on the same page on this. She's she's an agreement that this is our game plan. Yet, it's taking a little bit. But I've been working with her and trying to show her show where your ways and explained of why we're doing this, and what it can do for future where you engage before you found out. She had thirty four thousand. I knew she had some debt, but I didn't know she had that much. So you didn't you didn't have a real good clear. Money talk before the engagement then. That's interesting. Not not to that debt. So okay. Cool. Cool is interesting part of the discussion. So warning warning folks have good clear money talk when you're dating before we put the ring on the finger not that he wouldn't have. And he's cool. He's got it figured out. We're good. Everything's good. Sure is good to note on the front end. Have that stuff come out on the table real early? This is that I've Ramsey chef. I get asked all the time. Do I need life insurance? Listen, the point of life insurance is to replace your income for someone who counts on it. So if you have a spouse, if you have kids, yes, you need term life insurance and the best place, I know to get it is Anders dot com. Zander insurance is where I get all my insurance. And it's where I've been sending my listeners for over twenty years. You can get a quote in a matter of seconds. It's not expensive. It's not complicated. And you need to do this now Zander dot com. So Fox News article of you've seen it sending it to me on Twitter. Couple cells all possessions for sailboats sinks today's into trip. A Colorado couple who dreamed of a life sailing around the world add the wind taken out of their sales when their boat capsized nearly two days into their trip. Couples plan for a better life has been sunk. But Bom, okay, Nikki Walsh, twenty four and her boyfriend Tenny Tanner broadwool twenty-six decided nearly a year ago that they were tired of working. How can we live our lives when we work most of the day, and you have to pay so much of it just to live while said who booked timeshare tours for living most of the work, you do just goes to your home. There has to be another option. She added. So the Colorado couple sold all their furniture and their SUV and purchased a forty nine year old boat in Alabama to live on eventually sale. The world end the couple moved onto the twenty eight foot boat, which was in the marine of Tarpon springs town of Florida's Gulf Coast live there for months with their two year old pug Romy while they stocked up on food and supplies. The couple had plan their trip for a year both quitting their jobs and selling all their worldly possessions in Colorado before moving out to Florida to live on their twenty eight foot, but we were pretty prepared Walsh said of gathering items to lash them for their plan trip to the Caribbean. However, the two were not prepared for what happened next nearly two days into their venture, the couple's boat capsized. In a channel of water called John's pass, we thought the channel was we were going, but it wasn't. Walsh told the post telling the publication they were armed with GPS and paper navigation charts local boat captains say the sandbars often shift in John's past John's pass we started freaking out because waves were coming. You weren't on the ocean. And it was tossing our boat back and forth. You wanted to say. Broadway was near the rear of the boat holding onto Romy. We're in the trouble hit. My hands were shaking. We were terrified before abandoning ship. All said, they grab some clothes and important documents as well as things for their dog. I also grabbed Remy's food just about everything he needed said wash. He doesn't deserve to go without his favorite toys while ship. She and her boyfriend who used to drive for Uber or new to sailing yacht. Think. Once the both the couple lost all their material possessions. I'm shouldn't be laughing. This is sad story. The pair said they have ninety dollars no jobs and no boat insurance. What I thought you were prepared. However, the couple who has been left with just ninety dollars in cash jobs. No, bona, turn say, they're still hopeful for their world sailing plans because they've started a gofundme me begging people to give them help them not give up on their dreams in quotes, the pair of seeking ten thousand dollars to rescue the ship. This is not a ship boys and girls, it's a boat. It's twenty eight feet long. It's in four foot of water. So call the coast of Madeira Beach, Florida said raising the boat alone will call sixty seven hundred dollars. We've got a lot of family helping us, but it's hard when you've lost everything you only have one life. Why spend why not spend it doing? What you love. Why spend it doing what you don't love money isn't everything? He told the post. Money isn't everything was the gofundme either. Apparently money is something you need. What I'm having trouble with is there twenty four and twenty six and they were tired of working. Tired of working? I mean, if you were forty four and forty six fifty four and fifty six or sixty four and sixty six, but you're twenty four you haven't been working long enough to be tired of working? It's impossible. But money, isn't everything. Boat insurance is but that costs money, but money, isn't everything. Yeah. So. This is so hard to not be harsh just wanna be funny instead of being harsh. It's just but it's so sad. Because I gotta tell you. I've done so many stupid things in my life and the list of stupid things in this story is so long. And every time I do something stupid. You donate guys. It costs a brings me pain and cost me money. And that's what happened to these guys. So my prayer for them is that no one gives them a dime for their go fund me account because these two really just don't like work much. They're not very responsible. They you know when we get off the boat. The main thing we do we save the pugs toys because the pug doesn't deserve that bug. Doesn't deserve to be with you people your ear responsible. Pugs are great. I like pugs. He doesn't deserve to go without his favourite toys. This is what's occurring to her as our boat is sinking without insurance the pug toys. It's somebody will give this money. Go fund me. I'm sure because you only have one life watch bending, why spend it doing what you don't love money, isn't everything. Now, it's not everything, and you shouldn't spend your whole life doing what you don't love. But unless like your goal is to not work ever. And have other people give you money. So you can sail around the Caribbean and call that fulfillment. That's not gonna work out for you. I can't imagine having a twenty four year old daughter and coming in and telling me, hey, had my boyfriend, and I are going to the Caribbean. We have no clue what we're going to do. And we think we're prepared. And we just don't wanna work much just break, my heart. Because here's what's going to happen. These people are going to be it's gonna take them a decade to recognize that they're going to have to work. Work is not a bad thing. Work gives you dignity. Work is where money comes from not go fund, me and. You know? And if you call yourself prepared, but you are. No idea how to sail and yet you're sailing, and you forgot to buy insurance on your boat or just chose not to. Ear what we call sunk? Sh right. I mean, really gosh. So I hope I hope they. I hope. Yeah. The problem is your dreams become your nightmares. When you don't know how to live lifelock and adult that's the problem and adults devise a plan and follow a children, do what feels good. These are a couple of children and not making fun of them. I'm not picking on them is just it's just sad. And what's sad is actually new story. And I'm so stupid. I actually read it so and then took a whole segment of the show on it. But you know, the point is is that sometimes I'm poor. Sometimes I struggle with money because of my stupidity sometimes I struggle with money because of my lack of character. Sometimes I struggle with money because other people take advantage of me, sometimes I struggle with money because of the situation I was born into and I haven't learned to rise above that particular situation yet. So there's legitimate reasons that people are poor that are not their fault. Not these two these two hundred percent of it is their fault, and that's pretty much stupid tax on steroids right there. And. Hey, I was older than that. When I lost everything because I was stupid, and I lost a lot more than that. And for a lot of different reasons. But. Yeah. More folks, you're you're going to be doing work. And then you if you're smart once you get your bills paid then you'll start doing work that you do love and that you do care about. And that does have meaning, but you're going to be doing work it gives you dignity. It causes your brain to work, and it causes you to be able to live your dreams rather than somebody else's nightmare. What I'm this is the Dave Ramsey show. In the lobby of Ramsey solutions. Todd and Melissa dropped by. Hey, guys. How are you? Deserve. Welcome welcome. So where are you from where from Kansas City, Kansas? Very cool while our daughter-in-law is from there. So. Yeah. Good stuff. So how much debt of you to paid off? We up one hundred sixty thousand dollars, very cool. How long that take thirty months? Wow. And your range of income during that time we started off about ninety thousand and went up to about one hundred thirty. Okay. So what kind of debt was the one six one hundred percent of it was his vet school loans. Okay. Yeah. Shows but you didn't even hardly make one sixty during that time. How'd you do this? That's. Wow. Well, it started with my sister and brother-in-law they went through financial peace before they got married, and we started thinking man, we need to get on top of this minimum monthly payment is two thousand dollars. We're going to do that for ten years. And we thought there's no way want to do that with the friends and family. They were just supportive of us and Todd came home from work one day, and I had this whole she made out. And I said I think we can do this in four years, and then we did it in two and a half. So it was exciting. And you guys have lived on brings rush. Yeah. Most. Nothing you've been what you've been kicking that income up a bunch of that time. Eighty thousand dollars a year for two years, and you did it in two and a half. So that's still that's still very very impressive. Very amazing. So the good news is as vet you can you make some Bank going forward. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. And two great great field of study, a great career space to be in really good. A lot of vets that we know Mike Morin docs show. No more than one species. So that's fair. Yeah. I mean, it's harder. We got a lot more. I got a friend of mine was in vet school when we were in college. And he's kept going Mets goes got it at he's got. He's he's gotta learn one species. Right. One side of an atom e once. Yeah. So hey, very, very cool. So what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is you did it definitely got to stick to the budget. We started using the everydollar app, you know. Right. When we started following you. And I was shocked to see where all of our money was going before we budgeting especially eating out. We were out a lot. So we learn how to cook more most people. Yeah. So yeah. That's that's one of the biggest things just having that plan in place, and you just got to want it, you got to be able to attack it, and, you know, sacrifice everything you can to to get that out of there. And we were really lucky. Our families were so supportive of us. Absolutely. I even I'm going through a summer masters program. And my parents new hardware, we're going on this of h shows to gift me with my tuition for my masters, so things that we were very lucky with and we wouldn't have been able to do without her family's blissed. Good. Very cool. Good neat. Yeah. So you really had you had so many cheerleaders. You never choice. That's pretty much. Yeah. We were going to succeed or or else? Really? So either one of you a little bit reluctant once you realize this or once you just looked at it. She went game on you know, I think I was the first one to hop on board. But tide was so fast. It's been amazing. We've been married for four and a half years, but I feel like paying this off his brought us so much closer. We've had we have open lines of communication, and I think it's really started our marriage off on the right foot. So that I feel like we can tackle anything now feeling. Well, you look like you're just kind of in sync was there. Any Brill big budget fights not really set of golf clubs at one time. But we said on that one. Now, you can afford whatever you want, right, right. Yeah. We hope so live like no one else later, you get whatever kind of golf club be one. Love it very very well done. What was the hardest part of this for y'all? I I'm a I'm a teacher. I'm not band director in I think the mount of ours that we are working, and then still trying to find more money on top of that was probably our biggest challenge trying to find that time. It takes time to cut out coupons when you're going grocery shopping. So I think making that sacrifice of time when you really don't want to when you're already working so much to find those couple of dollars every week that was that could be a challenge at times. Very good. Good for y'all. Well done. I'm proud of you. So I'm sure mom and dad are proud of you. I think families are at home watching right now. So we're that good. We've got a copy of Chris Hogan's retire inspired book for you. We want that to be your next chapter and you're well on your way, become millionaires and outrageously generous along the way. Thank you. So much job y'all well done. All right Todd, and Melissa Kansas City, one hundred sixty thousand paid off in thirty months making ninety two one thirty wow. How count it down? Let's a debt free scream three two one. Right cab great job. Great job. Love it love well done. That's how it goes. Right. There are questions today comes from blinds dot com. You can upgrade your home with blinds dot com. The number one online retailer of custom window coverings were blinds dot com. Get free samples free shipping. And with the new promos. They run every month. You're going to save even more always put in the promo code Ramsey. And you'll see the best possible deal out there, blinds dot com slash Ramsey. Rules and restrictions apply. Today's question comes from Kayla and Vada she says, how do we get our kids ages twelve eight seven and four on board with the gifts? I've spin process when we don't have extra funds to pay commissions. We have well over a hundred thousand dollars in debt, and we use every dollar we have to pay on it. I don't wanna make this. I don't want them to make the same mistakes. I did. Well, the book smart money smart kids is the book number one bestselling book that Rachel Cruze. My daughter not did together. And it's four parents on how to raise money smart kids. So it answers in in great detail questions about raising money smart kids, including this particular question, I'm going to recommend that you do pay some commissions, even while you're getting out of debt. It doesn't have to be a lot. But it just Representative because what you need to keep in mind is the chores that kid does to earn their commissions. If you haven't heard we don't do allowances. Allowance sounds like welfare don't do welfare. You're not entitled because you breathe and happen to hit the DNA lotto and landed in our family, you're not entitled to money. And so we don't do allowance. We don't make allowance for you. We want you on commission, you work. You get paid. You don't work. You don't get paid that age. They're not gonna do anything. That is going to that. You're gonna pay them economic value for doing it. I mean, there's no economic value for feeding the dog are cleaning the room. And so it's not like you would hire somebody to do that. And you know, what you would pay them. You're going to pay your kid. There's just no way to measure out. This is more creating an emotional tie between money and work. And when they get money in their hands from having worked, then you can teach them to break it up into the three envelopes, the give the save and the spend on velocity. And so it's not hard with four kids to do, you know, five bucks a kid per week or per two weeks or something you can pull that off. And it won't keep you from paying one hundred thousand dollars in that it gets them on board and thinking with the whole family instead of whining while other parts of your lifestyle or being chopped because you're. Going to chop other parts of your lifestyle down to nothing. And you know, these kids are gonna feel that and they gotta know we're sacrificing to clean up a mess right now. They gotta get that dialed in when they get that dialed in it'll change everything. But that's the smart money smart kids book and for the ones that are twelve and under. This is financial peace junior, which is a box of teaching aids. And it's got in there. The dry race board for the refrigerator door with the magnets on it. And you can write on their the chores or supposed to do check off if they did them or not, of course, there's no commissions do if they didn't do anything. What if I don't do what they choose not to do the chores? Eventually you make them. I make them bathe make them brush their teeth and make them study for school. I make them say. Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am. Yes, sir. No, sir. I make them close the door when they come in the house and not heat or cool the outside. I make them. Learn to do some basic things and handling money is one of those life skills that it's my job and make you do if you don't voluntarily get with the program. Welcome to parenting. This is the Dave Ramsey show. Thanks for joining us, America. We're glad you're here. Open phones at triple eight eight to five five two two five you jump in. We'll talk about your life and your money Candice is whether it's in Columbus, Ohio. Hi, candice. How are you? I think that they can my call. Sure, what's up? I don't know. They're they're right or wrong to this. But I'm hoping to get your thoughts. I am a foster mom I receive a reimbursement from the county for the care of the children, and it's not taxable. I don't file it I've income, but I'm wondering what your thoughts are on tithing on that payment. I received from the county for the children. Well, there's the the only guidelines we've got Biblically are the tie and Deuteronomy is defined as a tenth of your income a tenth on your net increase, meaning you would not tie on a business gross revenues, you would tie them net profit. And of course, it's referring in that case, it was an agrarian economy. Right. And so you know, if you. If you had three sheep, you know, eight by wolves, but you had thirteen that were born your net increase would be ten that year. Right. And that kind of thing is what that's referring to in that kind of situation. And so there's a couple of rules. I use in calculating my tie I tied on my taxable. And because if I leave it in the business the profit in the business, it may still get spent and so it may not be profit. It may not you know, you as we may by computers with it next year. And so I'm trying to tie on my profits, and so I- tied when I take it home in other words, and at that point it becomes taxable. Yours is not taxable caring for children. You can make a case either way in your mind. You know, it'd be logical to discuss it either way. What I always do when I'm when in doubt, I do. Okay. If leaning. It's not. But it's not a legalism thing. It's just I can't give God thing. And you know, I think you probably okay financially. You know, it's not killing you. It's not a big stress, but when it comes to giving or generosity when in doubt, do it and it works out. Now, I try not to be sloppy. Try not to be a lot. We look, you know, our foundation we look at the ministries were giving to make sure that they're officiant with money and they're not in debt and they're being run. Well, and all that kind of thing like we were doing an investment for God's. So we're careful with money. But when in doubt, I want to be caught having over given rather than under given if there were ever a calculation, and I honestly don't think God is going to hold you to the splitting of hairs like, you know. Well, you know, you're just about three dollars off. You know when you get to the pearly gates. I don't think that's coming up. You know? Right. It's like, you know, what would your dad tell you to do if he was giving you money and your dad is a good dad and a loving dad and not talk dad. And that's kind of way. I look at it. As my heavenly father is crazy about me. And he, you know, we being evil know out of our kids good gifts how much more so our father and heaven, and so I just generous and grace and Grayson generous and now kinda run together for me. So I kind of have a sense that I'm not sure what to do. But I feel like I might be then I just do. Do you know Todd on the big one that way, I'm wrong? I'm okay. You know that kind of thing, but that's not to say, you're wrong. If you don't I I don't think there's a real clear. Cut and dried legalistic thing in this situation is a real good solid. If lectu argument could be made either way here, but this is not an intellectual discussion. It's spiritual discussion Steve is with us in Seattle. Hi, steve. How are you? Thanks for all your good workout there. Thank you. And personalized that real well on that. Spiritual comment. Thank you help. I've been I've grown up with a cat on a cash basis, and I'm a self employed contractor, and I I have heavy equipment. And so I've got into few conversations with people say should have traditional retirement. And pretty much retirement is in my investment might quit -ment which is pretty liquid. You can sell it. Pretty fast have to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, lately, I've gone into to beef also. So I'm kind of keeping the food end of it going case constructions lose down. Should I be what is your kind of traditional retirement plan or my way off base question? So what's your quitting worth? I'd say if I can keep myself on a cash basis, if I sold my house and everything I own I'd probably be have about a half million dollars at a free and clear how much the equipment. I would say about the two hundred fifty three hundred thousand. Okay, good for you. How old are you fifty five? And what's your household income? Well, that might business. It's really not. You don't really have it number like that. Because. Typical year. What are you might? Well, I'm single. And so the way the tax laws are just have been changed. So you don't have to d- depreciate equipment. I I I really don't live on much myself. So my accountant comes out, and I make fifteen thousand a year and the rest of it. I put into my Quinton. So it's kinda hard to say if I said that what my total earnings would be with my if I took my quit. Investing an added up. I'd say probably seventy five eighty thousand dollars here. That's what you're making and your shoes. The put it back into acquaint. That's my retirement. Okay. Yeah. I I own a business to I don't have a liquid equipment, but I have a business and a lot of small business people face. What you and I are facing the where the larger portion of our net worth is the business it self and your case, the value of your business is primarily the equipment that the business has. And in my case, it's more of the brands and the royalties off the books, and those kinds of things that have value, and, but but and yours is probably more liquid than it is not probably it is more liquid than mine. You could get your money out of that equipment. He's you're not sell this place. You know, so but in lot of businesses, you know, got friend of mine owns a heating air company about eighty trucks and the trucks are not the value that company, it's the income. That company makes a lot of money, and you know, most of his net worth is tied up in that business. And he said, you know, my my retirement is my business. I always challenge. So I'm going to go with whoever saying, you probably ought to have some other money some. Where? Because you've got it all tied up and bulldozers. I mean, you really do. And so number one dollars, even though they're very liquid and you're probably really good at buying and selling them. But in general over a ten year period of time. If you leave that piece of equipment on your books that goes down in value not up. Correct. It what they couldn't. It's kinda weird thing. 'cause that brand new just dropped plummets, and then wait gets to certain level in it pretty much stays there. But it's still it's not going up. I mean. Ten thousand dollar piece of equipment is not going to be worth twenty and five years. Right. Yeah. I figure I can get on it. And you know, I make a hundred dollars an hour. So I kinda like that. But that's your job. That's that's different than investing. Yeah. You need to be putting some money in something else. That's going up in value. I don't care if you get to a million dollar net worth and five hundred thousand of it is in equipment. Two hundred fifty thousand is in your house and two hundred thousands in in a good Roth IRA some stock market. But I'd like to see have something kind of like feels like that to where at least you got a portion of your stuff going up in value other than your horse trading going up in value, which your horse trading at you're making money. Probably on these flips. You know, the business, you know, how to how to turn piece of equipment turned into money. But. But in general, you know, you're not making, you know, last year, I made twenty percent on my mutual funds, and mutual funds are the of the three things that I have in my net worth are the smallest portion because you know, just because of not the businesses growing so fast. It's the largest portion of my personal net worth. And then bunch of real estate that I bought at the old, and it's gone way up, and it's the larger huge portion of my net worth. But the largest is the business and then the real estate, and then I've got some mutual funds. But I'm glad I've got a couple of different things going other than just my business. And that's what I'd recommend for you. Good question, sir. I think you're going to be fine. You just got to think it through that puts us our the Dave Ramsey show in the bucks. Hey, guys, Blake Thompson senior second producer for the Dave Ramsey show. This hour is over, but you can find more great content with our YouTube channel catch the most watched daybreak debt-free screams in the very popular everyday millionaire. Second go to the Dave Ramsey show. You to channel scribe. Hey, if you've got questions about retirement investing becoming an everyday millionaire, go, bigger and broader with my men Chris HOGAN on the Chris HOGAN show. I am excited to be able to talk to you all weekend and week out. We're going to focus on your calls, and it's going to focus on building wealth investing, and how to become an everyday millionaire. Subscribe in the Chris HOGAN show wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's James producer of the Dave Ramsey show. This episode is over the check the episode notes for links to products and services you've heard about during this episode. Thanks for listening.

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Our 2020 Resolutions

Pretty Basic with Alisha Marie and Remi Cruz

56:03 min | 11 months ago

Our 2020 Resolutions

"The bramble pretty basic take is what is up and welcome back to the last episode of the year for Pretty Basic. I'M GONNA cry. I'm going to cry for real. Probably A low-key okay. Driving here like almost started getting you know what's so weird as we started this season. Not knowing like if it was gonna be a season thing I remember when we had the talks started the podcast. Where are we going to do like? How do we do this? Going to be. Seasonal thing is going to be like. We're GONNA take a hiatus like whatever it may be. I think we should touch on that because I mean there's a reason why we haven't taken a break up until this point but we wanted to do seasons but we also didn't want to just be gone for months and I think yeah when we first I started. We didn't know like how does the format of this do most podcast. People like take a break at all. Is it seasons is it. I don't know so we finally did come to the conclusion that we would like to take a break. AAC Not only I mean we love doing this so much but more like the end of the year. It's just going to be so busy like our lives are about to be insane especially logging every single day for blog mess like you guys. Don't miss too much because you're going to be a sick of. I'm going to be sick and on top of it too. I'm so excited to take a break from this so we can come back season to you and just have so many stories stories and more lean just want to live our lives up the rest of this month and I don't know if you think about it they've been hearing like a weekly update of our lives for the past us over a year over a single anything. That's there's like nothing that we've ever really like left out like we've touched on. Things got into like explicit detail but definitely we've touched Sean and everything that's happening. Yeah so that's crazy the thing that like for a month now month and a half we're just GONNA like do. Our lives will come back. I'm excited that people people don't know we're recording this right now on November twenty first. Yes it is prerecorded a little bit five pre workout already. Enslaved where your your mind as yeah but yeah so so excited. Basically if you guys didn't hear our twenty eighteen years resolutions video. We basically went through who are like resolutions and all that stuff but I feel like we should touch on that. See how we did you know a little check in right. We check in six months. Okay because here's the thing. Here's here's my issue. We came up with the idea this like a while ago to touch on the twenty eighteen months and Dan I was going through them and I was like I swear I just talked about this like a month. Yeah feel like how long emory and I was like. How do we talk about this a year ago and then you text me? She's like Oh yeah like. I have update from six months ago. Yeah Oh thank God. I know I'm not that no no. We forgot that completely for about you thought we just talked. I know yeah so we should touch on that and then go through resolutions but before we do that you guys. We have saved the best game for last so so excited. I'm also really nervous. I'm basically our wonderful producer. Christian has cut down. How many fifty something fifty five fifty fifty something like lit the best bloopers from every episode and put it into a little short three minute clip for us and we've cut it up? Here's the thing we haven't heard it. Also my voice has definitely gone like fifty. Oh I was GONNA say I'm sure the first ones we're like. Oh my God. So we're GONNA you're GonNa get our live reaction hearing it. I think what we're GONNA do is listen to like a short segment of it and pies and then we can react to it and yeah I think I'm sorry. I think this is going to be the best ever died. So it's also very fitting for the year you know full year recap a high. This should be a new tradition. Yeah I love it. I love that. We're doing okay MIC. Ah Love that intro thank you okay. Let's do the Damn thing on my I'm doing but hello you. Should we just talk to each other and be like how are you doing. Yeah I guess so hello everyone welcome back to the podcast. Welcome to pretty basic episode. Three having a reality or not reality having a what was it. Oh my God there was someone who said Shoot Yeah I can't believe people listen to that. My voice sounds like we just just now. I heard our dynamic. Do you know what I mean. I heard it conceded narcissists fine absolutely nothing other than it was just. I think the music just gives vibe to it only got a hearing US say episode three episode three Turtle Dude. That episode three was it really was the day we recorded. It was the day after I had my first date with him. Also can we talk about when I sent him screen shots. Oh my I forget at that happened. I think mostly because they want to buy that new listeners. Wouldn't really good about this. Well I just think about it like I we do. So how many interviews or people are like. What's the most embarrassing thing you ever done? And I was driving like the other day and I was like Oh my God because I was like. Oh I don't remember no you know okay okay so you know when you're talking about someone you're texting a friend and then you screen out the conversation to send to your other friend to show them the conversation. You're like girlfriends like what's he saying. Yeah this is there with me this this bitch literally send this guy like three not not just one because I feel like one you could like kind of gotten out of three full on screen shots of paragraphs of commerce disguise to him. I have second hand embarrassment. Just fly gone had. That's so funny though that was let's talk. Let's continue shall we shoot. I'm sorry I think. What are you talking about me all the time I could get in your head odd? Where should we pick up? uh-huh funny got the giggles and get the comments. It's like almost annoying like no no no it. Let's see sorry. I know you're going if you get like if you give them that you know like if you're willing to put it out there you're going to be having I the everyone who also of course Tweet US tweet US love US please. Thank you know you drinking your water pedal I I know that sounds way. Oh my God this is you can keep going sorry so yeah. The jewelry is super argue. And right now if you go Anyway For every that's awesome that's cool anyway moving on episode where we just sing the all time the musical cue music. Yeah I know how else I the cut it anymore. I think honestly the amount of times I've probably said on this. PODCAST is up in the ten thousand radio. You know what's really funny as every interview they do and they're or like they ask like. Oh what's different and you're always go to. Well we at the beginning we thought we had to cut every oh to go to a Mama Mama Mama uh-huh also we've gotten better at reeds gone too much about that. was that was really fun. I liked it. That was fun. Why does it Andrew? This is what we're using. We're using them and of course. Oh Oh ooh probably does but just the way you're saying in bow borrow episode. Yeah I told you the pretty basic. Oh my God I love you so much. Actually she more wholesome than I thought I thought it was going to be like BP. I'm on an election. Who you love that? Oh my God well. That was Super Fun while we've come so far it's weird like I remember. Yeah I don't know it's just so weird hearing even our voices this is changing. Yeah our ad rates have gotten home much better for some reason hearing all that it in my head every single one of those took place in that other room not in this room. Yeah don't eat dinner with no law. I remember some here but yeah most of them are definitely there anyway. Well that was great. Thanks for sticking with us for all that time and for all the bloopers and hopefully with something better. We're not sure all right guys I just want to say. I Love Uber so so much. There's nothing else to say that I love it the most convenient thing. That's one of those things that you wish you had that idea like a shark tank. Pink is what was life before uber that to do you know what I mean. I don't know how people got people people it'd be at the club and then they'd like call a taxi there'd be a designated and now so much better. What I love so much about Uber is that they're committed to safety? And they're continuously raising the bar to help make safer journeys for everybody seriously. Seriously I always feel safe in an uber. The nicest drivers the other night. I got into an Uber. And I wasn't in a chatty mood. You know when you just WanNa talk but then I got this really nice man man who I chatted with for the whole ride. He was a dad and was telling me all about his kid and how he met his wife and it was just like so cute and I left like beaming and it just completely. You made my night if like always make like the best friends. I have them drive me. I'm not gonNA love that. Yeah I always get awesome drivers to and I really think it's because they're actually they're so good about doing background checks for every every single driver and a lot of people don't know. This uber actually rescreen drivers every year and uses technology to look into issues. If there's anything in between also another really cool thing. I'm not sure everyone knows about. There's actually an emergency button in the APP. That quickly connects you to nine one one. If you ever feel like you need it also introduced a brand new safety feature called ride check and that's using. GPS Yes in smartphone. Sensors ratchet can detect a trip goes unusually off course and check in to provide support. So right check. Just one of the ways. That Uber is committed to safety. Learn more at Uber Dot com slash safety eighteen. That's Uber Dot com slash safety today. Let's get into. Let's get into. I think we should. I like recap our twenty nineteen resolutions and see how just a quick four five minute check in you know like how did we do. Is there anything we like could have done better anything. You're like. Oh Yeah. Lola didn't do that. Did we do this in that. I don't remember six months ago. Do we do this too. Yeah we just. We went through each one like a dad so I think we touched on it. Let's do it okay. Oh Oh I said limit my phone US I was one of my big ones. Did you do it. I did for like six months in lately. Ashby that's half year. Hey glass half full. The glass half full person did it I said be less hard on myself and stop letting hey get to you. I was thinking about that on the away here. I think I've gotten much better. Oh my God yeah. I've gotten like whether it's online comments. which actually I think almost to the day? It's my one year anniversary of the fabric skinny video and I want to a one year later. Video a video reacting to it a year later two or whatever that aide. That'd be a really good video. Oh you should see like if there's things that you feel now or if you feel exactly the same or Lake I've please do that. That'd be good idea. Love that well yeah. I think I've gotten much then even in like real life with friends and other people like that are kind of bothering me. If I'm having a bad day whatever like I've gotten much better at handling which I'll get into later but it's been getting better One little just jumped out at me and this is because we did write this in December just this year no no year in two thousand. Eighteen rose grows your house an avenue where I am to be healthy and workout for me and mental gets a big glad. Green correct star Star and Goldstar. Oh my God I'm so. Wow good for you. Wow I think put I put eat healthier stop over over analyzing what. I didn't know that I over analyzed too much before that must show how like you know. How much is I? Don't think overanalyze anymore at all. Not really sometimes. I feel like I need to analyse more. I know you're thinking of in that I'm much more drama MHM saying no to things and balance. I've gotten so good at that. Yeah just yesterday. I canceled something and I was like I I know but by also I think you're really good because because with you. What are you talking about canceling with me? Yeah I with like canceling with me. It meant so much whether you can't how you put me I though with this. Yeah like that was so not that you wouldn't do that before the show even even when when I was texting it I was like okay. I like I want to well. Long Story. Short ended up canceling on an event. But I had told remnant like we had planned to go together gather so it was like okay like I wanna like. I make sure that's okay with you. 'cause I totally would. We'll still go with it or if it'll work out I would prefer not to. Yeah but Yeah even when I was texting it I was like making sure I was just being considerate. You know what I mean but I think that was so not different for you because I always say you weren't. I was like so or instead of being like oh I can't John. I'm busy or something it'd be like. Hey like really stressed about this. If you want me to go like of course I'll be there but if you can find someone would be great too and I was like Oh my God of course awards which I feel like you the way that you proposed it made me so much more inclined to be like. Oh my God like so yeah and so like Sorry yeah no I totally good job of grow job. Uh We didn't talk about that till right now at Great Sweetie I stop worrying about. Isn't it funny. You know comical it is looking back. When did we do this one in June? No the flaming six months. 'cause I met Callen June. Oh my God I don't know when it will point number around then I was given up on that though but I remember around than you're like. Oh whatever I don't care anymore funny at all happen. That's what everyone says I said I wanted to figure out more about who I am and be proud of that like I did really good. That is good. I go to church which will be fully honest. I didn't go a single time but I did. I did at the top of this year and then I realized I was like you know what I don't WanNa go. You know I did it. You can't force them exactly exactly like once. And that's the thing is I feel like if I had forced myself then I'd be there for the wrong reasons in the accident. I wanted to go for the right reason. Yeah so if and when I ever decide then I'll go. Oh but until then I'm GONNA chill no until I love that. Oh my God knocking about people. Think about me I could still make some big strides with that but it has gotten better no. She's she's gotten so much better. I E last Sunday. Let's see I put live with no expectations. Stay in relax. I've done great. I just invested in surround surround sound speakers from my. I've been staying in like it's nobody's doing a good job. I got a huge couch. I don't get up from its amazing because everyone be proud of my content. Have a good work rhythm such weekly routine. I feel like I'm fifty fifty. I feel like they're still those weeks where I'm thinking. Oh I should upload this video because it will do better and perform better and then there's other times but like even uploaded a few videos like there's one that was like how a real really F- work week in my life and it didn't perform mm-hmm well views wise but the comments were so insanely good that that was more validating to me than the view count so that was something that was a big which was like. Wow I see how this is more satisfying to me than getting four million views on a video like the reaction and the comments in what I'm teaching people and stuff so I still but yeah. I think that's way more than halfway. Honestly okay seventy percents. I'll give you seventy bucks. Twenty thirty five. I think that's pretty much all right matt lot of manifest and meditate which I feel like I've I haven't gone out of my way to do that like to sit down and do that. I actually really do take meditation though because people have said that's really good. Good Frings diety so. I need to start doing that. I got some recommendations for like head space and things like that I love com out yet. com is really good to have heard. I need to Try doing that more but definitely have been manifesting on a daily basis without even really going out of my way. I think what's going on my Grad. Also I think overall I think we actually did really I would say this is. This is the year two thousand nineteen resolutions. I've actually like completed the most resolute any of the I fully agree with. How's it just being older or if it's just like these were I feel like also it's different when you have resolutions that are like oh I want to travel to five countries are like oh I want to lose weight or just things like that reward attainable? I think we were really good and self aware of like things we truly wanted to fix. You know what I mean So I think we didn't. I think we did a pretty good draw. Aw is your was the best year of my life. How about you? Yeah I was actually thinking about it getting into like just twenty nineteen in general I was thinking about it in the sense of like what was the biggest thing for me and like twenty nineteen you know And driving over here I was trying to think about it and it you kind of hit me like African school bus and mingles. She took. This was the first year I think I ever learned how to like left myself and I we started getting hit and I was so like I was just. I had a proud moment. I've just like wow. I don't think I've ever ever like this. Twenty nine was the year of like truly loving myself for who I am and that is so special to me and I feel like Obviously everyone has been on the journey and like listen to every episode and I feel like they've they're weirdly like attached to us in that way because they've been there through all that but I just I truly hope everyone can at least get that too because I have never felt more confident in my life. I've never felt more just secure even in my insecurities like being okay with them just understanding where they're coming from and why you feel that way. Yeah instead of trying to fight everything and like it's one of those cliche things about getting older that I swear everyone's like Oh one day. Yeah you learn to love yourself Whatever I never moms from everybody in my life including myself including you? I think this was the year that everybody kind of like grounded a bit and really figured out what they want who they are whether it's like in your friendships and your work life and your personal life and your love life. Whatever that may be like everybody in my life was like in this last couple months like a big shift? I don't know if it's just just people in our lives or us or our age which could be a huge part of it being more like mid twenties Because on twitter I saw a few memes in tweets and stuff people being like like twenty nineteen was the worst year ever bubble Blah and I know it is kind of trendy at the end of the year for nearest to everyone to be like like F. U. Two thousand eighteen f. You twenty nine ready for the New Year. Yeah but I don't know if that's just because we're older so I don't know I don't know I saw people saying like two thousand. Ten was was the worst year ever for me and everyone I was like Whoa. It wasn't for me like it was a great year but that's how I felt about twenty eighteen but that's how I felt about two thousand eighteen ever at the end of twenty eighteen. I'd go to everybody like wasn't just it's the worst year ever and every guy will be like they know it was Kinda like ask no. It was the Obama. Yeah so it's interesting just seeing that. I do think it's stupid stupid to just be on the train and be like this year was horrible next better but yeah this year was a really good year. I think like you said grounding yourself with even looking looking at like the people in my life and my friends and I never thought ever I would have a lot of the friendships that I have even like. It's just it's insane rain even how I look at some of the close people in my life right now. A year ago we weren't even that close That's what's crazy to me so yeah I just feel I feel like I. I think those two thousand eighteen was definitely just like fear of like finally like loving myself realizing realize Kylie Jenner. I think it's crazy that we're doing twenty twenty right right now. Did you see that. She sold half fifty one percent of her business and forty nine percent. Oh fifty one hundred fifty one fifty L. or six hundred billion anyways weird. I just think twenty twenty crazy Detroit crazy thing when I met the people. Well no this. When I met Stephanie Harris Back in twenty thirteen when I went to college she would always say that her wedding was going to be in twenty twenty and it was gonna could it be called the two thousand twenty experience? I remember always being twenty twenty so far away. You're so dumb. And then now she's pregnant in twenty twenty told her she got the real twenty twenty experience she manifested the twenty twenty. And saying. Hey guys so we're going to talk to you today about Skill share. I don't know if you guys know this but rim I actually most youtubers are pretty self taught when it comes to editing and photography in this whole digital world and I wish I wish if I could go back in time the one thing I wish was that I would have been able to use skill share when I first started because they have so many different classes and my favorite thing is. It's so different when it comes to learning when it's cool and you're forced to do it versus like it's a hobby new want to learn it's really great because they actually have thousands of classes whether you guys WanNa learn about how to make thumbnail or editing. Whatever if you WANNA be a youtuber awesome awesome but if you don't they have things from illustration to graphic design photography creative writing everything like that a big thing that I wanNA learn next year is how to be a graphic designer because I I don't know how to do it and I pay someone a lot of money to do that so I might as well learn for myself and save a lot of money? No I love that. We should do it together. I would. We should go to your office. Yeah we can do like a class you continued right after this to go to my office and go practice. Oh my God this is perfect so join. The millions of students already learning on skill share and get two months free when you sign up at skelter dot COM com slash pretty basic. That's two months of unlimited access to thousands of classes for free get started today by heading disclosure dot com slash pretty basic to sign up that skill share dot com slash pretty basic. I've never really done resolutions to be fully on except for now you make me so high who live for a fresh start. I loved his New Year's. I'm the person who loves. I just love having a fresh start to something. I love a list but I've never done a resolution. Don't you love it now. I mean kind of uh-huh okay. No it's fine. It's a fun. Little Sodas for me. I'll do I'll do it okay. So we're just GONNA go back and forth on our resolutions like we did last year. Yeah Weird this is. It's been a here. That's so weird since we were sitting on the couch and we did the two thousand eighteen and the twenty ninth. Yeah and then the Hawaii. Sorry everybody I'm just saying okay. Go ahead my first one. This one discuss Seltzer stupid but lately the past like two months I I feel like I keep having these moments where I feel like something about myself as I can almost justify anyone for things what I I just say. It's totally does I guess. Where's this monopoly board? We gotta go all the way out and I feel like it's so easy for me to justify anyone doing anything and it. It always comes down to. I don't I don't know long story short. I just like I just want to. I want people just to be nice to each other And I think I have a a long way to go at that because I can quickly easily judge people for some of us and it's not it's I feel like I can just see the worst in people. Sometimes I think I think this was actually something. I put shopping negative for my last year's resolution which I think I've gotten better in general as a whole but I think I think I just I don't know I kind of like that that I can see other people's sides of things because I can see where they're coming from but sometimes I just want to like I don't know I just like being nice like as a whole like not assume the worst in people people that was definitely one of those. It's interesting because those are two very contradicting things. I feel yeah you understand everybody side but then at the same time you're like very hard to warm up to give people the cold shoulder until you feel like you can. Yeah I'm not person where like you got to like if I have a wall up. You gotta like Chiseling away just to like get in my circle. That's interesting interesting because I feel like I understand people but then I like to nice to everybody. Yeah as weird interesting I know in my head either yeah. I think it's good though. I need to be more like you know. This is why we balance. Yeah true we balance each other. Okay I don't let people walk all over me so it's Oh oh yes I think a big thing. I realized this year that I do that. I actually really like about myself. It's a trait that I'm glad that I have is that I accept. People will For who they are so good in that they own if they change. I'm totally fine with it. Of course I'm always just like do I'm here. which is I like that about myself but then I realized in my head I didn't even know but I kind of thought that everybody else would be that way and I understand now not not everybody? Is that way. So then when I changed and I expect people to be there for me to. And they're not it sets me up to be really upset or her whatever and we can't understand why they wouldn't have have the same outlook that you do exactly. I understand up to a point of like okay. I get that. That's not how you are but I just don't understand why you're not thinking the way I do because in my head it's like that's just the way to think console. anyways I feel like that. Let a lot of people just kind of like take advantage of that. Yeah of me and I don't exactly know how to fix. That will goes into in. My next one is actually. I've never had this be a resolution which I'm excited to add it to like you know boundaries and. That's exactly that's that's number three all together set boundaries set boundaries. I think I finally have you know with learning to be more confident in myself in stuff comes when I don't know when a situation comes up where you need to set boundaries like actually setting them and not to be a bitch or not to be rude to whoever you know like for whatever reason there's so many different scenarios we could think of. Yeah it comes down to putting yourself first and setting those boundaries. Because you care about yourself also. I think I've never been in a place where I'm able to do that until recently and I think that's something that I'm I'm kind of excited to see me grow in that area because I've never had to really deal deal with it. Yeah we had a really good conversation boundaries. Today you'll find talking about it and I wanted to talk about it. Yeah my second one was let people back in which Kinda ties back into the boundaries. Thing thing the other day T- drama not for real. I got a text from someone that I used to be very very very close with and nothing big happened with us. It it all just kind of like we fizzled out. We kinda changing. We needed to go our separate ways. There was like no bad blood or anything like that but they re shocked me the other day and I wanted to reconcile and we have really nice conversation and we're going to meet up really soon and someone that kind of alluded to in the whole toxic friendships thing and it never was really that bad. It's just like we. We were just very different and we both kind of talked about that with our conversation but I was telling leash I when I was texting this person. I haven't spoken to them in years side. We all also know what that feeling feels like. When you get a text from someone like I'm sure your like stomach was just like just when you see the name or like when you realized who it is without even reading everything? You're I got. It was like hey I know we haven't talked awhile and I fully thought it was someone from high school trying to sell me on their pyramid scheme German and then I read more. I was like Oh my God product. That was a message that I've been dreaming of. Yeah and like what if what if for so long maybe exactly and then when it came like Oh my God like I never really thought it would happen it and then I talked to a leash when I was talking to a friend the whole time. My heart was racing and I was just like thinking. Oh my God we're going to be best friends again. It's going to be great and I had to like really slow myself down and think okay. I'm like we really need to stop and think about this. Because you need to set those boundaries again will not again but like before there weren't any boundaries and I think that was what was the issue was and it was the thing of like me being myself and then changing and then like all these sorts of things happening and so at least she gave me some really good advice of just. It's like I I the thing. I've changed so much in the past couple of years of like loving myself and knowing myself worth and I feel like I'm at the place right now where everything in my my life is in line and there's no drama and so I really really hope that inviting person back in with us both being different now like it'll totally work out because we had such a great great friendship but but I'm sure this time both of you are probably like Ooh aware really especially anytime you've been hurt in the past. It's like it's just I see it's a possibility of opening yourself up to the same fan art. Yeah exactly but But Yeah I think I don't know I think setting those boundaries. I think that's so awesome awesome. I'm so excited. I think that like both of us are probably in really good places so I think that both of us are aware that if it works out great but if it doesn't I think both of it's kind of like okay. We'll the past couple of years. We've been totally fine without each other. And so it's going to be okay if we have to part ways again but also I think it's it's never going to be overnight like okay now. It's back to normal. How things I do yes? She gave me some good advice. Because I'm the type of person where if I hung out with her ones and it went. Well I'D WANNA hang out every day for the rest of my life and that's totally fine but also I need to set the boundary of okay. We need to kind of again exactly because like I also know a big thing. At the time I was getting so busy and I wanted bring her to everything but it was just. It was a lot of stuff and so I'm just really happy that no matter. What at least like this happened? Yeah and whatever happens after this. I'm totally fine with like. I just never never expected that to happen. Even if you never hang out again just I think in the back of your head in your heart. You knew that like there was tension there. Yeah so now feeling like it's fully resolved. Aw I feel at peace yet. I like always loved her so much from the bottom of my heart. I told my family. My family was so excited I was like. She's she was always our favorite. That's my mom was always like I always like new That like it was gonna be always always no. I always knew we just both needed our time. Yeah and I'm just so thankful that happened like I hadn't I was not expecting it at all. I love that so much. I think I want to let people back in understand going back to the thing that people do change and even now. I'm sure I've heard her. She's hurt me. It's okay and I need to be in mature. Don't we love Ring Simon. They try okay so yesterday I took my mom to the mall and we were shopping around and I found the cutest cutest pair of boots. I put them on. They were so uncomfortable so expensive. I I couldn't do it. I can't justify spending more than like even even boots that are sixty sixty dollars. Not I've never been over. A hundred. Like boots are so expensive. I fully agree. But that's why I love just Fab- in case you guys don't always justify based it's this awesome. Online site has the cutest shoes that are so inexpensive and most of all comfortable they also have accessories and things like that. I've I've been using just fab- for so many years in college. This was my thing. Where new shoes every college party or just like every event or anything like that and I didn't break the bank I I think it's also really cool because sometimes it can be so overwhelming when you're trying to style all these different shoes and accessories and purses and stuff but they actually have a really quick easy sixty seconds style quiz for personalized outfit recommendations? So it's almost like you have your own personal stylist. Love that for you and me and there's over one thousand different styles so you you can check out as a guest which is awesome or if you do the VIP. It's really really really cool because you get thirty to fifty percent off retail prices free shipping on orders over thirty nine dollars. There's just so many different perks. And there's no commitment in order to be a monthly VIP before we forget just fava's offering our listeners an exclusive deal get your first just fab- style for as low as ten dollars as a VIP that seventy five percent off your first item with our special link just go to just FAB dot com slash basic to take advantage of this deal now. That's just FAB dot com slash basic to get your first style for as low as ten dollars as a vip you can also get free shipping on orders over thirty nine dollars. And there's absolutely no commitment when you purchase your first order just fab dot com slash basic. Okay next next for you okay. My next one actually kind of goes with the be nice. One actually had this realization. The thing is the nicest after I. I think it's because it's all in my head. I know I know how I am really see. Here's what she didn't say. Oh really okay. I actually had a realization of I think I I understood where all this came from K.. I I think it's still kind of an after math thing of me being burnt out because when I think of myself pre burnout I would go. Oh I love going to events in talking to people and I loved like meeting New People in networking and I loved dislike genuinely asked like oh how are you to like help Blah Blah Blah Blah and post burnout. There's even a specific view instances. I literally think of where I think I was just so burnt out on being. How are you going to say because I'm over being fake? I'm so over. Blake not that I was fake but I think I truly okay so my biggest thing. I've been re listening to my whole well any aggressive type three which is a personality type. Three overachiever whatever. Whatever a really good quality about threes as they can adapt to any situation on the negative side of that? There's always pros and cons. is you can so easily put on a mask in front of different people and obviously like that can be bad but I think you know especially growing up with my channel I was always taught. uh-huh you're the girl next door. Everyone loves you. You're super nice Blah Blah Blah. You love everyone blah. I think I really took on that identity to like who I thought I was and I was it. It was so easy for me to go places and be like hi. How are you like all these years? So Nice thinks love that where it goes out of Europe been no like after my burnell like going to events and stuff I this bothers me because I genuinely don't care hair to go up to people and say hi because I'm so over being fake but it's finally which I think I understood that for a long time but now it's kind of come to the point where I'm like Alicia but don't you genuinely the only care about how someone's doing like friends that you've known for years to go up and you're like hey how are you. It was to the point at one point I was like I don't WanNa frigging talk to anyone like I don't care about you and I was like you know like people that you know. You should at least care to go up and be like hey like have you been Blah Blah Blah and. That's something that I think. Now I understand I. I was just so burnt out on that whole world but I think part of me was still how I was years bef- before the burnout and stuff like I've always been a nice person. I've always cared about people but it. I think it was still an aftermath of that for so long that now. I'm kind of starting to realize like wait. Like I actually want to put a foot forward in Gupte people in like see how they're doing again just care about just kind of care about that kind of stuff more and be nice sort of resentment just from because it's all in the industry. Yeah and still obviously that stems uh-huh from your Y Y you're there for your resentment was building also have realized that. I'm the type of person as we know. It's like kind of all or nothing with my friendships. Like we're super closer. We're like not close and yeah and I think I'm learning that it's okay to have those gray areas where it's like hey like maybe we're just a event friends but that doesn't mean I can't go up and say like how are you doing well. That's okay hey I used to go when I was going through a lot of friendship stuff and you were helping me out a lot. I remember you were like well. Maybe they're just like your party friend. Maybe just your work and I was like no. Oh I want all my friends to encompass every single bog. That's how they and I fought that so hard. Yeah until I realized you're right. Not every friend is meant to be your work friend. Your family friend your home every friend like that. That's just not how it is like. I'm not one of those people. If we had more traditional structure job having co workers the people you love you ask how they're doing bob but you don't go out and hang out with them necessarily all the time and I think that's something that I'm like. It's just hard for me to learn that I'm like wait. It's okay and that doesn't mean I'm fake. Yeah it just means I have those boundaries of like you know what I mean. I think I go to like other events. I understand when you're talking to someone. I always care who I'm talking to. I'm never for like a fake person. Like yeah I think it's like when I more not interest in the conversation but I'm just I'm hearing what they're saying. I'm really doing to it when I'm the tension onto it exactly whereas like if there could be the same thing if I'm just having a bad day if I'm asking them like oh how are your kids then of course I'm listening and I care about their kids but if I'm like in a good mood and I genuinely want to know then I ask more questions and I'm just like I wanna be there and be present and I think that's normal for everybody. Yeah Yeah Yeah I think it helped me realizing ising. Wow am I just like a bitch. Is that really who I am down like okay. That's fine like maybe I need to rebrand a little bit. You No okay I get it I get it and understand it and I'm going to be like easy on myself. I do miss when I kind of care about people little more like figuring out that it's it's okay to have those like just friends. I told the box of the vice thing. Yeah feel it I put communicate better which I'm surprised. They didn't put him my twenty nineteen healthy communication. I been trying really hard. I'm so bad at it. I am also really bad at it but I think we have made baby stuff I hope so I I like in my I think so yes because I feel like I get the courage and at least I've been able to distinguish that's what I want to say because before used to just like put it in a box shove it back in the back of my brain not think about it. Now have things on my mind. I want to say this. I want to say this but then also also like one at a ten times yeah. I'm getting better. That's something I really need to work on like. Even this morning I was talking to somebody and I knew what I wanted to say and I like sat them down to to do it but then once I got there it was like or or also. You're like yeah but it's not that big of a deal dumb it down instead of saying he that hurt my feelings or hey how can we talk late that kind of stuff. I need so much work on that too but it has gotten a little better me to the next thing that I have is. It's been my motto. For the past few months work smarter not harder she love. I love it because honestly it came to the point. Where I'm you know I think especially? Let's look at work just work wise. You know the first step that a lot of people say oh like hire people people to help him like okay. Cool did that but now it's kind of getting to the point. Where okay what should be delegating? What am I wasting all of our time on? Yeah you know like even my I assistant yesterday. It was like Oh. Do you want me to go do this and I was like I was about to say yes and then I really thought about it. I was like no honestly that is such a waste of your time and it's not that important. Let's not do that. Yeah Yeah So instead of just having everyone be busy and doing stuff and Blah Blah Blah Blah. I'm really trying to balance everything and make sure that makes sense even down. I even told my blog. Like the other It'll be a few weeks ago now by the time. You're listening to this but I was saying I just want to re re balance everything and kind of look at everything in my week and reprioritize. There's a lot of different things. And for instance even from a work side of things I was thinking like I need to start looking at it and say wow. I should actually prioritize putting up a log Over an instagram because that's more important not only financial wise but also it's a bigger audience. It's more personal instead of going out of my way to like. We'll I need upload this this photo and spend two hours trying to upload a photo where I'm like Alicia that's L- that's not working smarter not harder that's way spending way too much time caring about housing look near feed making sure it's like a professional photo shoot like let's re strategize and I think that's something that I I've actually done really good So far but I would love to continue that into the the future especially with bigger projects coming up. I'm thinking okay. There shouldn't be a reason why I have to miss uploading for main channel for so long. You know what I mean. Yeah so with with these bigger projects coming and some of them. I'm so excited for but I definitely need to like work smarter not harder yeah. Efficiency is key people he Kiki I. I put be aware of my accomplishment. Yes you do I just scream that one. More time I went to a meeting at Google Google yesterday and sat down like a whole channel overview and I was like Oh my God like i. I don't really care. It's bad I care about youtube. Of course I know but by I'm very lax and even the my contact at Youtube took over from my normal person because she's on maternity. Leave Love Lovey Michelle. She's not listening and love you but he was like. Oh my God I heard you're that most children the most chill person to have because I probably never email them being like. Can you look at this video. At one point. I was emailing on the weekly like hiking. You check out this video. I want to be more like I was a little. It was blocked my email. I think I need to find a happy medium between both because I would leaving that meeting. I felt I. I felt I was leaving summit. I felt so inspired to gain and I felt like it. Just boosted my confidence in my ego and myself not in a bad way but just like Oh my God like I didn't realize that my videos are reaching that many people I didn't know my retention rate. was that big. Yeah especially when you come to you know you. It's so easily. He's only see views as being what makes a video channels successful but when you get into those analytics and see like a retention rate and when you hear people say oh an average average rate is only thirty percent and your videos hitting seventy five percent retention rate. You're like oh I have an audience. Yeah Wow I'm good at what I do they mean and I think you can totally rock doc. More I had no idea about anything and also I get how that makes it special. Yeah well I feel like especially in a time where in the past it was based on a ninety day period that we grandma overview and for the past few months I've been feeling very discouraged about my content. I haven't been uploading ally But to see the statistics and see that people really resonating fascinating people are watching. People are subscribe like that made me feel so much better and then also just like encouraged to just create more. Yeah a tip that I always heard and this is something that's really important for us to do is instead of just looking at your past month for analytics like definitely over like the three to six month Because there's been months that are like low technically and in my head I just see like down Eros and I'm like Oh my God I was like I'm a relevant whatever. What's happening but if you looked over the course of three months actually actually everything's up? It's just that's why it's so. It's better to look at it that way I think for mental sanity to Knoxville defeated. I mean we compared the ninety eight ninety day period of this this year to the ninety day period of last year the same period and it was interesting to me because that was like last year was the last three months some of the worst months of my life I was really going through a alive and to see that people stuck with me and not even just stuck with grew since then meant so much to me I was like I should rock this. Yeah I'M GONNA GONNA try harder. I Want my God. I can't wait. Also the last slide was like common channels that your subscribers subscribed to your face is so big on screen and they're like we thought you knew that one. Yeah actually have one more. So this is kind of a shorter list And I put make a difference and I kind of looked back. This goes to youtube more. So but Just having them more. You know how you're supposed to have a Y if you're a brand like why are you doing what's your what's your why a reason. I think I've never had that with my channel. I think truly it was never want to empower young girls zero. I WANNA it was. It wasn't even want to be the best youtuber. It was just. I just love the process of Youtube in the creation that it's like I get obsessed with with that side of it where lately. I've been really aware that I'm like wait. I want to. I want to be intentional with like what am I teaching people about or like or hey I have so much knowledge about this space. I want to teach others about that. I went to Youtube space on Monday. I thought it was Tuesday. Good thing and it was the top hop team of Youtube Switzerland and they flew out and they actually had like thirty or forty like top. CMO's and CEOS of brands Whoa in Switzerland and they all just wanted to learn learn about the digital space. They were doing this tour and they asked me to come speak with them and do a Q.. And A. Session and I loved that like I want. It was so cool because these are all like older people people you know it wasn't just like a group of girls asking you a which love doing those too. But this was so cool I think my business I was thriving because it was so cool for me to have a similar moment. It'd be like wow. I actually no a lot like these people are like. They are masters at what they know. And they're coming here and they're wanting to hear from me to teach them. That's insane and I really really love that so I wanted to do that more. And just even when it comes down to videos or even having a stronger connection with the fans that I have like you know what. Why am I doing this kind of stuff so and then also like bigger things by the time this video comes out? The Black Friday video came out. I came up with amazing idea. Can you share that. Yes so oh I had an idea this year basically like a month and a half ago now actually this ties and everything I got a tweet from someone saying like I'm so excited for your black Friday help this year and then I re tweeted it and so many people were replying excited about it. And that tweet made me realize holy the crap holy crap. My Dad told me to stop cussing somewhere trying. He was like wow like I. Didn't I knew those video for my channel and those videos at the end like six consecutively now annually. Those definitely have helped me grow my channel. They've been so fun to make like my favorite videos. Yeah you you and I didn't re- I knew I didn't realize how truly how much it reached people. Yeah and then I sat there and I was like this video. Both of our videos are probably gonNA over a million million views this year and so I think that that having that influence you need to do something with it and just showing people I bought this sweatshirt. Victoria's secret bath and body works candles. Yeah we still do that. 'cause it's fun and we love doing it but also like we should make a difference with the influence for making and I know like I hate watching coaching youtubers and influencers like do philanthropic work just to get a pat on the back to college kid. I be honest like that's why I haven't really done anything like that. I've had a lot of people like. Oh you're making such a difference like do you want to donate to this revolting do this and I think we're both very similar this way. Like we only want to do Something because we want to do it out of the kindness of our hearts instead of feeling like pressure to do it because oh it'll look good for taxes it'll just look good for image and stuff and I think we're both finally kind of out of place where we're excited to do kind of that. Exactly I I think a big thing. I don't remember talking about it in this specific twenty nine thousand one but some somewhere somewhere along the way I wanted to say I wanted to find a philanthropy that I'm tree like a resonate with but I think that What we WANNA do this year at least and again I think that maybe doing thing it with our normal hall so people don't lose content they lady steps to it doesn't mean we have to? It doesn't mean it's not good enough if we don't make a huge like brand or company or the organization or something doing any little part I wanted to both calculate however much we spent on Friday which we would go pretty hard shells and then go by the same amount and match the match that in by toys for kids for the Christmas time. I know I love because it's like an idea you had like. We're we're GONNA do it and I think we should challenge other youtubers too. I agree I mean every year. I donate a bunch of toys to The Salvation Army and the price you spent. I think just the amount of influence that video. You have like my not do it. And I'm sure there's GONNA be some people saying that we're doing it for the wrong reasons but like at the end of the day children in need are going away so also like you know your the motives in your own reason. Exactly like that's what it really comes down to and you know your heart so true. I love that can't wait to do that. It's been on my heart lately. Yes that's it's my list. I have okay. I'll do one more my last one. If you have more. You can take twenty twenty dollars just on this one because it's a good one. Go over the past LETICA. God I think but you know what we are also very guys I. It's so bad it's like well like be walking out satellite and we'll see like this guy like Oh my God remember the Sky High Ledanois. When we laid into par people were so annoying about that? But but I do think like there's a healthy way to do it and there's an unhealthy way to do it in an unhealthy way. I think fighting it like you're trying to move on from the past but you're resisting being in fighting it. Yeah I think that's where it's like unhealthy verse versus just like reminiscing and thinking about it. I think that for me. It's been a lot of like past people that I've dated. I like. I think it's funny. I think it's hilarious to bring it up but then I also realized that it's not a healthy thing now that I'm in a relationship to keep bringing that kind of stuff up and like my boyfriend's really. He's like totally doesn't care. We think it's hilarious. We talk about like what it is fine. I could see that for sure. I think that it could if it goes on long enough I think then and I have to be like Whoa or we're issue whereas like was it actually that funny to bring it up a year and a half later. There's a few scenarios where it's like. Oh this was the worst ever went on and you can share that forever in your life and then I feel like there are probably hurts or if like he's heard it twenty times he's like okay. It's not exactly. Why are we still talking about it? I get that uh-huh that kind of stuff. Yeah I don't know I think that's the biggest thing for me is just like pass things like that all even been like drive-by somewhere and I think of it. I'm like you. I don't I want to think about that anymore. I think a lot of its though about how you react to it. You know it's like you can be driving and see something that reminds. Give your ex right and you can be like. Oh Wow those are some good times some dimes but also some good times move on from that or you let that. Sit with you all day and you're like constantly like obsessing passing over it or thinking about it or letting it kind of change you instead of being like cool but like waving at it When you go and buy but but also way harder than just how then saying it easier said than done? We have one more because I just WanNa when we do our six month. I WANNA be able to touch on this. I talked about how I've been suffering quite a bit from anxiety days suffering from anxiety to I got her a little waited jacket things to help and helping so much but I just think it's crazy as soon as I started sorted having anxiety. She did there. It's so crazy but I don't know what will be my resolution for this but I've just been like whenever it happens whenever I'm feeling of sort of way I sit down. I really. They tried to like figure it out and realize all of mine is really based on the feeling of being trapped so I started developing claustrophobia. I can't be in. Oh my God like elevators. I'd take an elevator every day. Like a mild panic attack every day of my life especially when there's people elmich endless thought of it like stopping. Sorry so I've been really thinking talking about that and I like whether it's like the CLAUSTROPHOBIA. Thing or the feeling of like if I take like drink too much caffeine like I don't know if I talked about this. Got Nothing you talking about. I think I did just like thought like when my body's shaking whatever like I feel trapped and can't get out of that so I'm trying to figure out the best way to go about that but I would like by the end of this next year Tactic tactics to help myself through that right now I just feel there is i. Sit there sometimes. If we're having a pre game or something and I'm like I feel like I'm coming up like I'm GonNa just like sit there. I told her the day I think I'm having anxiety. She's like it's okay. Just I look at it really bad during the frozen. I'm from here when we were like halfway through. I couldn't focus on the movie and I was like. Oh my God what if I like have an anxiety attack right now and I was like Oh my God all these people. I'd have to leave and then then I thought what about it I was like I was just like I was like really yeah. I think that it's just like I don't know. I think it's going to be a thing that that idea. But what's really cool. I think yeah. It's one of those things that it's not just like okay one day. It's gone by whatever but I think it's really cool that we gotta work through that Together. Yeah so we should text each other any any time you like just like hey like or certain Emoji or Kim. How're you doing that? I mean you're the only person that texted me about my attack which was very nice anxiety attack all right so good. I actually much more positive than our last one. y'All shows where we are in life on top of the world. I'M GONNA go get a cookie after the serve Yeah well wow thank you so much for listening and tuning in every week take one of these one. Oh my God seriously it just means so much and we are so excited to come back my hope that the holidays and everything is just like you best time say. Mary also shameless Promo. But we're doing blog miss on our blog channels where we've every single day from December first to December twenty fifth. So you should go. Subscribe to our channel. Also pray for us. That'd be great but while thank you so much and we'll talk to you know you gotta you gotta gotTa do okay. Okay shoot start okay. So be sure to rate comment and subscribed to pretty basic on Google. Play Apple podcasts. spotify wherever you listen to your but are we doing. What are we making pocket? Good job maybe. Good uh-huh instagram a gay lobby by.

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