21 Burst results for "Lori Gottlieb"

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

04:07 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"Many of our communities were falling apart and we're finally acknowledging the harm that our society has done to members of society. I watched these bs just build this community and quite literally grow it. I mean i keep having to add boxes to the high because they keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger and that for me was such a sort of mirroring and opposite of what we were all going through it it was it was so inspiring to me and i never thought that you know my silver lining in in such a tough year. One of my silver linings would be these funny little creatures but they are. They've been such a cool thing for me and something. I certainly look back on a very tough time for the world at. That's that's the point of gratitude for me when i'm watching you talk about this. You're just lighting up and fascinated by it because in my book charlotte one of the young women who sort of having trouble in relationships. One of the things she talks about is her dream of beekeeping. There's a whole chapter called the bees. And i think she was talking about it because she felt so disconnected. She had a very similar reaction to it. She had a very similar idea of like you know why she was so moved by bees. I think when we connect to nature. We're reminded that we are all connected to one another. Yeah it's such a measure that that image of all of the bees flapping their wings to kind of cool things off. And i think we've seen that during the pandemic where we become much more aware of how we're connected within our communities where people were bringing meals to other people. We were checking in on other people we were saying. How can i help you. People who are more vulnerable the elderly people in our communities people who have pre existing conditions that were making them more vulnerable checking in on people who maybe were alone and we thought you know we want to make sure they stay connected and seeing our kids. I think our kids be really aware of how connected we are. And just making sure that everybody was being taken care of. There was something very different from how we are in daily life where were so involved our own lives in our own little nuclear families that we aren't looking.

charlotte
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

05:10 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"When you talk about change being hard. It's so spot on. I mean this has been a year filled with change for so many people. And and i'm curious you know from from the macro of of the work you do for us and teaching so many of us had a look within. What's been a change for you and your family during the pandemic did you have to change the way you work and move mostly online or or did you all pick up a family corentin. Havi i mean so. Many things i think are new this year. Will i think it's kind of the both. And that makes this taboo to talk about that. There's been so much devastation. And so much pain and loss that i think people feel like when we were talking about the hierarchy of pain earlier. There's this hierarchy of grief where people feel like well if it's not loss of life loss of health loss of a job which many many people experienced with covet then. I can't talk about any kind of loss. Right and so in therapy. A lot of people have come to me and said i'm really struggling. And here's why and they feel like they can't talk about it with anybody else and once they do. They start to feel like oh. It's okay that. I feel this way that i loss even though nobody circle died. It's okay that i can talk about other kinds of lost that i've experienced but i think the other thing that's even more taboo than that is talking about what we've gained because people feel like i can't talk about anything positive in the face of so much loss and yes you can. And here's some of the that people have gained people have said. I've realized that family time is really important to me. That family dinner is really important to me. And i'm gonna make sure that. I separate my work life for my family life in a way. I'm gonna try to find a way to make this more manageable. Because i was really drowning in my work..

Havi
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

05:35 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"Yeah and i think if if you can re categorize the responsibility of a friend or a listener as being a human who holds space for the person you care about then you can hold space for whatever they need to put in for whatever their feelings are and as a person personally who who wants to help so much that i can. I can jump into that role of being like well. What if we did this. What what if do you think this would make you feel better. And how can i help you find a solution. And i've had to learn as a friend not to jump to trying to make the people. I love feel better as quickly as possible. But to holding a container for them. And there's something about the visual wall of holding a container holding that space to me feels like such a sacred responsibility and active love as a friend that it has allowed me to stop my. Let me figure out how i can help you fix this immediate response right because it's hard for us to see the people that we care about suffer and when we wanna do is we want to take their suffering away. But we're not doing it in a way that is actually helpful to them and the bottom line is that we can't take their suffering away what we can do as we can help them and i really truly feel as a therapist. I've seen this every single person that i've seen that they have the answers inside of them and our jobs therapists and i think our job just as humans to one another is to help people here themselves to give them the space to to let that voice be heard without all the louder outside voices shutting down that voice of knowing that place of knowing that we all have inside. Yeah i really love that. When you think about ways we can lean into our knowing you know things we can do to improve our emotional wellbeing and curious what you believe..

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

03:14 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"What therapy sessions sounds like. And at the end of the session we give them concrete advice that they have one week to try out and they come back and you hear it all in in one episode and we hear what happened after the session and i think that so satisfying because you can learn so much from simply hearing what worked. What didn't And you see people making significant shifts. Maybe they've been stuck for years and they say oh. My gosh i was on the podcast and one session. I did all of these things and it really changed things for me. That was going to be my question. Is how having clients in your office on a regular basis at regular intervals differs between what you do in the advice column or on the podcast so that that makes so much sense. How does that work if someone writes a letter to the column what can they expect right so so in our offices. I think it's a lot about what. I like to call timing and dosage so when somebody is coming in with something what is the timing of when you're going to help them to see something. What are they ready to hear. Because if you come in too early and they have this big wall up because they feel so much shame around it. You're not going to really make any change for them. You're not going to help them see something because they're so again they feel so much shame around. They're not ready to look at it and the other thing is dosage. So what is the right time. But then how much in that session are you going to push them. Because you've gotta push but then how much before it becomes counter-productive so we're always thinking about that. In in the room in a clinical session on the podcast. So there's a column where i responded in writing to people and then there is an and what i really do is help them to see something as i would in the therapy room. I really kinda put it all out there. Here is what. I think you aren't seeing and here. You're blind spots. And here's what i want you to look at but the beauty of the podcast is that it takes it a step further. Which is that we get to see. What those conversations actually sounds like so it's a back and forth. it's an i thou and do it with another therapist guy win. Choose a also a fellow. Ted tucker and also fellow author and what's greatest they get to therapists for the price of one basically which is which is that. If he's pushing i can kind of hold space and the person or i'm pushing. He can do that. So you have these two people working together And i think it makes us move faster because you have both of us so we can move really fast in those sessions. And then you have that piece of you know very satisfying. I think when we go back to story What happened was the end of the story. And i think that then people can say. Oh i can use that advice in my own life. Even if i don't have that exact situation going on that was really helpful. And i can use that in different.

Ted tucker
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

03:50 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"Yes and the choices are what make an a new pathway forward possible and to your point earlier about how we would never not treat a broken arm. We we tend to want to shy away from treating. What's going on in our brains but they're the most powerful driving engine of our lives and and one of the things. I find so fascinating about what you're discussing. You know this this notion that essentially a therapist will hold up a mirror and say hey. Do you notice this pattern about yourself. And then they'll help you figure out where it comes from so one example you cited earlier out. I just can't trust people well. Okay let's figure out where your original wound around trust happened and perhaps that'll be the first time a person sitting in your chair has thought about what happened between their parents when they were eight years old or has thought about this thing that happened in their young adult life. And then you go see if that's the route. The tree has been growing out of it fruit. That's been coming off. That tree has been tainted by this experience. What if we. What if we plant you knew tree. It's so freeing. And and i think it's just something that hasn't been encouraged for so many people. There are so many myths about therapy and this notion that maybe. I don't deserve it may be. My problems aren't important enough. And i do hope fit. That begins to change for people. And i think to your point this book being such an enormous bestseller and your column being such an incredible success. Your podcast as well and for the folks listening at home. If you haven't read the column or heard the podcast the column called dear therapists. And it's in the atlantic and the podcast is dear therapists It's produced by another former work-in-progress guest. Katie couric who we all love and adore. And i just think. I don't know maybe i'm personalizing this but for me. I think that these things being these big smash hits are so exciting. I'm like look at all these people who care about their mental health. It feels it feels like something to celebrate. Does it feel that way to you it. Does i think one of the things that i'm really trying to do is democratize therapy and provide access to what it is. I think that so many people don't know what therapy is. They have all kinds of misconceptions about it. That's why maybe you should talk to someone. People get to sit in and see what these sessions sound like and what can really happen when two people sit in a room like that together. And i think the i think the other thing is with the podcast. There's misconception about therapy that you're gonna come to therapy. You're gonna talk about your childhood forever and you're never gonna leave and that's why the people don't go to therapy because they think i'm not going to sign up for that. Sounds horrible right. And i think that you can see first of all in the book you can see that we really deal with the president. We deal with how the past is in forming. The president was keeping. You stuck what you were saying earlier about. I can't trust someone is sort of like punishing the person you're with now for past person since so if somebody did not earn your trust in the past. Maybe that was a caregiver. Maybe that was a parents may be. That was a relationship. You're in and the person broke your trust. Don't punish the person in front of you for what somebody else did and people don't realize that they're doing that. And so these are the kinds of things that come to light. You're really dealing with the present and how the past might be getting in the way so that you can create a future for yourself and what i love about. The podcast is that it doesn't take years of therapy in one session. We do a session people here..

Katie couric atlantic
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

02:48 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"Someone other than your friends a professional person. Who's listening to you in an office. Who also has been trained to do so. Well we'll offer you different things than than friends. My are are there. Are there terms for the differences that our audience should know about yeah. There's such a difference between what happens between friends and what happens when you bring something to a therapist. There's this Buddhist notion that i write about of idiot. Compassion versus wise compassion so idiot compassion is what we do with our friends. Our friends come to us and they say listen to what happened. Can you believe that so. And so did this. And we say yeah. They were wrong. You were right how terrible. I can't believe that happened to you. And then it feels so delicious in the moment. Doesn't it when your friend says that because you feel so validated but the problem with that is that you don't learn anything from the experience you can't see what your role was. You can't see that. Maybe there's a different way to respond to that. And i'm not saying by the way that there aren't sort of difficult people in your life ray because everybody is difficult. People we have the saying as therapists before diagnosing someone with depression. Make sure they aren't surrounded by assholes. So i like that so so there are always going to be difficult people but the question is what are you doing in that relationship. Do you need to be in relationship with that person. If you want to be in relationship with that person what are you. Doing that is exacerbating the situation. How do you contribute to this person acting in this way toward you. How are you responding in a way. That makes it even worse Do you have boundaries. What kind of boundaries do you need right And so the the problem with idiot compassion. As if you listened to your friends over time you will probably hear some kind of pattern in the sense of. They're telling the same kinds of stories over and over. Maybe a different cast of characters may be the same person they're complaining about but it starts to sound very much the same starts to sound like a broken record. It's kind of like if fight breaks out and everybody you're going to maybe it's you but we don't say that to our friends with idiot compassion because we feel like our friend will feel unsupported by us. What you get at a therapist. Is you get wise compassion. Which is we hold up a mirror to you and we help you to see something about yourself that maybe you haven't been willing or able to see and that's where change happens and so it's very different when you think about well. I feel really good. When i complained to my friend about this person in my life i feel really good in the short term but notice that. Nothing's changing notice that you weren't moving growing and that's what you're going to get you therapist you're going to have. That mirror held up in the most compassionate way. So that you can see yourself more clearly and that gives you choices..

depression
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

05:36 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"And and i know that hurt people hurt people and i know that these toxic roles we've all been raised with have been hard for them to enter. The patriarchy has nothing for men. Either and so i i. I'm so heartened when you talk about the conversations you're having with your son. I get so excited whenever one of my really good friends who i think is a legendary human has a son. I'm like a better future for man is coming and and i think we all need that. Yeah i think when we talk about the patriarchy. I think one way that that we can topple. The patriarchy is by creating the space for men to be able to be vulnerable. Because like you said hurt. People hurt people and anything. That's that's exactly what i had a. I had a couple that i was seeing and one person said to the other. You know what three words would make me feel so loved and the person said obviously i love you and the other person said no. It's i understand you those three words i understand you. Isn't that what we all want. Absolutely and. I think that there's something that you talk about in your book that is sort of leaping out of my brain. That's like a flashing light bulb right now when you talk about the fact that there is no hierarchy of pain but we all whether we're talking about these gender roles for men and women and whether we're talking about people who think that they're paying higher or lower on a scale based on privilege or access whether we look at the verticals of how people are defined and have been harmed in society you know. Lgbtq plus folks are non binary friends Folks were oppressed because of because of race or so any economic status. What can happen as we get conscious is that we say oh well mark. My pain is not as important as this person's pain or yes. This terrible thing is happening in my neighborhood but did you see To pull from current events at the time that we're recording. Did you see what's happening in colombia. Right now what do we have to be upset about. And.

colombia
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

05:25 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"So let's say i'm seeing a heterosexual. Couple others comes out in all kinds of couples where the woman will often say to her husband or her partner I feel like there's this gap between us. I feel like there's this distance. I feel like you're not sharing your inner world with me and i wanna get closer to you. I really want you to tell me what's going on with you right. Sure your emotions with me. And so then he will and let's say he starts crying. Mazey's sheds a tear. Let's say he really starts cry right. Inevitably she will look at me like deer in headlights. And like an and what comes out in those conversations is and she doesn't quite say this and then we sort of unpack it is. I don't feel safe when you don't share with me. Because i feel distance from you but i don't feel safe when you share too much with me because i i do. I'm buying into these gender roles around like you're supposed to be the strong one and if you kind of fall apart i get really anxious so men are getting these mixed messages. They're saying we say to them like we want to level the playing field. We want to be able to do things that men do and we want you to be able to do. The things that were traditionally thinks that that were in the in the kind of bucket of what women are allowed to do like to be able to share your feelings to be able to be vulnerable but when men are vulnerable. They often get shut down by women's attitudes toward that. God is so interesting. And i wonder how that plays out. You know. we're we're in this time where we're seeing that. So many women in our country are becoming. The breadwinners in are becoming the heads of households and men are having to or wanting to take over more of the work of house in childcare and how that shifting dichotomy is affecting people's relationships. I i've certainly had some conversations with friends who say you know i i want equality and i ultimately believe in feminism and all of these things and i kind of want him to deal with this because he's the man and and everyone's sitting around going okay. Well what does that mean. How do we unpack this. You know we've been steeped in this very gender t for such a long time that we don't realize how deeply it's permeated all of us. So i'm i'm so curious about how that's going to play out and i think it will only play out well if we're all willing to be vulnerable about it will that's right and i think that we as women need to make space for men to be vulnerable so men will often come into therapy room and they'll say to me you know. I've never told anyone this before. And they have a good marriage. They are they have a partner. They have good friends at. They have family members that their close but they feel like they still can't tell a soul women will come in and they'll say you know i've never told anyone this before except for my mother. My sister my best friend so they've told like a few people but they feel like they haven't told anyone men literally told krit right and women when they feel it when they say. I've never told anyone. They actually have maybe confided in someone they can do that. They have permission to.

Mazey krit
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

03:11 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"I was like home. My gosh this notion that being a bully to yourself actually bathing yourself in shame. There's a jim. How is a person supposed to be capable or or to do more if they're shrouded in shame. That's jim what you said about. How if we're kind to ourselves. It enables growth another one. I'm just like i feel like i'm picking them up behind you as you go. It's so it's so amazing. But i know that men also struggle with feelings and emotion and that especially in our society men so often are basically pushed into the box of your only reasonable response to anything anger. And you can't have a sensitive feeling which i would imagine as the root of so much of the discomfort and violence. We see happening in gender roles in this country. How do you think you mentioned that. Women are so apologetic for having feelings because we have been made to feel so ashamed about being quote emotional and i think emotions are great. Because they're the root of empathy. I think of empathy as a superpower. But what what are some more of the things that you see in the differences between how men and women talk about their issues in therapy. What what do you think those differences speak to for us in society. How can we be aware of them. Yeah there really is a difference in terms of what. I skin the therapy room. But i wanna i to say something about when you talk about those little nuggets what you just said about women and joy that we have so much trouble being able to feel like we deserve to have joy almost feels indulgent right. And when you talk about you know women feeling like they're too emotional feelings. People tend to think they're good feelings and there bad feelings like a good feeling is joy and a bad feeling is like sadness or anxiety or even envy and i always say people. Your feelings are like a compass. They tell you where to go. Tell you what direction to go in. And so instead of trying to pretend that you're not feeling what you're feeling. Use your feelings. If you're feeling sad what is what is causing that. If you're feeling angry will did somebody cross a boundary of yours. Did you feel hurt. What happens right so it tells you what's not working so that you can figure out how to make things work even envy people say you know. Oh i don't want it fiscal especially for women. It's like very taboo. You can't feel envious of another person. But i say yes. Welcome the envy because it tells you what you want. It tells you something about desire and women are so afraid of desire. We're not allowed to have desire right. And so i say follow your envy because it tells you. Maybe i want something like that in my life and maybe i have permission. I can give myself permission to go after it and get it so. I just wanted to to say that because when you mentioned joy yes we really need to be able to own our joy and to be able to own desire but in terms of men and women. Here's something i'll see in the therapy row..

jim nuggets
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

01:57 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"And maybe even some imposters from embarrassing spelling mistakes cut down on editing time and right more confidently with grammar lee premium get twenty percents off grammar early premium by signing up at grammar early dot com slash. Wip that's twenty percent off at graham early gr a. m. a. r. l. y. dot com slash ip. I love eating healthy and preparing meals. That nourish my body. Because men i feel great from the inside out but sometimes eating housing boring and i'll admit i can be a creature of habit when i find something that i like. Thankfully with you get nutritious dishes..

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

05:17 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"Life. Like what is our purpose here. Questions about agency and free will and all those big questions. So i think when you're a teenager and a teenager who doesn't quite fit in like i was. I was sort of the the academic kid. So i had my sort of intellectual friends but it was. It was really sort of a friend group of people talking about ideas and we were really curious about like what is life about and we would have these very sort of you know when you look back. You feel like they're very naive kinds of conversations because you know you're a teenager trying to figure out the world but i think in some ways they really are the questions that we all deal with as adults in our lives and so i was fascinated by that and i loved reading it in french because i think there are translations of course but when you read it in the actual language there certain things that just don't translate an exactly the same way that's so interesting and when you ask or when you reference rather that you were asking those questions you know what is life about and what is our purpose here. I think that is so much of what we all as humans ask of ourselves repeatedly throughout our lives. I i know that. I've laughed with my therapist and been like her. Remember when i was thinking about this five years ago. While i solved that. Now i gotta do the next version of it. Like there's always a level up. I wasn't prepared for that. Why did nobody told me that was coming and and so i love actually imagining as a teenager. You are asking those questions. That i then would posit. That you've likely asked yourself and your friend. Group has likely disgust stages of your life right. And i think we come at these questions differently so when you say you say to your therapist will now. I have to deal with this. I think there's a certain readiness based on your life experiences when you start to look at certain things you know..

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

04:07 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"Really miss the museum. Mom it's true though it's funny people people forget that we actually have culture though and that it's really i think a place of ideas when you think about it. I mean that's where people feel free to just say. Here's this idea or thinking about this. And i think that people here love story and so for someone like you or someone like me where that's what we do is our lives are about story the human condition. It feels like this seems like the place where we would call home. Yes bad is so cool so did did story. I wonder this for you. Because of course now in hindsight i can see for myself wear as a child i was identifying curiosity and storytelling and performing and research and all those things but for you do you look back now when you think about your childhood and think that your current career was somehow obvious you know what. What were you like. Who was laurie as a little girl. What were you fascinated by. What were the things that really drew your attention. Well it's funny. Because i never in a million years would have thought i would end up as a therapist which is interesting really. I know because. I've always been interested in people but i never envisioned that myself. I was a reader. I was an obsessive reader. I still am. I always like to say that. I have books the way other women have shoes like. I can't i don't know what to do with all the books. I have so many books. And i won't get rid of them. Because they're all dog-eared an annotated and they all means something to me and what. I was feeling or thinking at that time in my life and i i you know if someone to look inside my books it would almost be like looking inside my journal because i have just such a personal connection to certain lines or passages so i was always a reader and when i went to college i studied literature..

laurie
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

05:37 min | 4 months ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Work in Progress with Sophia Bush

"Be here. Where are you at the moment laurie. I'm in los angeles. Oh mazing. I'm just a couple of hours north This week but i'm based in la too. I know we were gonna meet. I think will last year a year ago. We were going to meet at south by. Yes yeah in. The world shutdown. It sure did what a time how. I'm so curious how that has affected you. And how you've seen it affect people. I i would imagine that the contents or or shape of the letters in your inbox Has probably really revolved around. What this year has meant so many people. Yeah i think on the one hand it really has. But i think on the other hand. What i've seen is that a lot of people have started to deal with things that maybe they hadn't dealt with before because they've been forced to slow down. I think whatever was going on before has been amplified or magnified and i think the positive part of that is the people are saying. I want to prioritize this now. It's very cool. I'm excited to hear more about that. But before we get into the present something that people may not know and that. I always get so excited about when it happens is when i meet another fellow angelino because you were also born in los angeles and and we're very rare birds so i'm curious. Where in la are you from an and did you love growing up. There will yeah. Natives are very rare. People are always surprised david. I'm from l. a. They're like really mean people are actually born here but so many people come from other places that it is rare to find other angelenos. I grew up in beverly hills and it was not. I think you know when people think beverly hills they think When i was growing up there were thinking of beverly hills. Nine o. two out the show. It was definitely not that. It was quiet suburb in the middle of los angeles and it was sort of a very kind of normal suburban existence. Where did you grow up. i grew up not not too far from you. I was kind of you know west. Hollywood miracle mile My parents dads. I rented photo studio was on the corner of beverly and stanley Right catty-cornered aware erawan. The grocery store is now. My dad's old photo studio is a coffee shop called on dante roasters and i get really excited anytime. I'm in that neighborhood. Going there for coffey because the coffee shop has these beautiful tara tiles on the and my parents installed those Yeah in the late seventies. They took a trip down to baja and loaded up my dad's truck with these cool. Tara cada you know twelve by twelve tiles and then drove back and did the floor there. And so i just have this interesting nostalgia Because that you know that was where my dad was working. When i was a baby and our our first house was on fifth street right off sweetser and i noticed that is such sweet neighborhood. And there's all these old kind of they feel almost like thirties forties little bungalows tiny little houses that maybe have two bedrooms sometimes. Three and my parents did so much work on our house. And my dad. And i when i was. I think five must have been five. Maybe six we put up a little white picket fence around our house and had still there and it really sweep sweden. An i similarly to you. I think there's this kind of misnomer from tv..

los angeles angelino la beverly hills laurie dante roasters tara tiles Tara cada david coffey Hollywood baja sweden
Interview With Gabrielle Ferrara

Masters in Psychology Podcast

06:06 min | 1 year ago

Interview With Gabrielle Ferrara

"To the masters in psychology. Podcast we're psychology. Students can learn from psychologists educators and practitioners to better understand what they do how they got there and to hear the advice they have for those interested in getting a master's degree in psychology or related. Field i'm your host brad schumacher. And today we have the privilege of talking with gabrielle ferrara. After graduating from morristown high school gabrielle attended university of miami where she received her. Ba in psychology and criminology. She then attended rutgers university where she received her masters degree in clinical social work with an emphasis in mental and behavioral health gabrielle served as a mental health counselor and she did her internship at the immediate care psychiatric center in parsippany new jersey. Gabrielle is a licensed social worker and currently works at the counseling center in middlesex. New jersey as a substance use and mental health therapist. Gabriel welcome to our podcast ink spread. I'm happy to be here My name's gabriel ferrara. I'm really honored to be on your podcast. Thank you for having me. Well you're welcome. Thank you for being on the podcast. I know that a lot of our listeners are going to get a lot from you today. A lot of things going on especially in the last six months i mean. You've you've graduated with your masters degree. You started a new job. You got engaged. Congratulations thank you. Thank you and you actually have your first blog post on psychology today so a lot of exciting things in the last six months It's been an exciting time. So let's go ahead and get right into it. I kinda wanted to open up the floor for you and ask you. Tell me a little bit more about yourself. Other than what that introduction. You know what i did with the introduction for all of our audience members yes so i mean you covered it pretty well introduction. But i'm from new jersey born and raised. I'm currently still living. Where i grew up in marseilles town Just getting into the field of social work and starting my career in my free time. I have a adorable little rescue dog that keeps me busy and keeps me on my toes. So yeah i mean. I just happy to be here talking about my experience and my rite aid and My my career at this point. We'll good good i. How did you actually decide to get your bachelor of arts and psychology and criminology. What made you decide to go that route so it's actually a funny story. I started college as a pre med neuroscience major and then i realized that there was a lot of science and math involved in that that i was not interested in so i but i still really had a passion for mental health in the brain and all that stuff so the next logical step seemed to go into seem to be to go into psychology so i switched my major psychology and began taking some courses and saw that there was an overlap between mental health and the criminal justice system and some of those common themes among the two fields and so i added a criminology degree as well and of combine the two and got to see some of the overlap and it was an incredible combination of studies and field work and just a really good overall experience. Based on our research on the website we are seeing more of the that overlap with criminology and psychology or and more of those Psychologists are needed in the criminal justice system as well. So it's interesting that you chose that route You know the next follow up. Question is what is you know. At what point did you come up with the idea of becoming a therapist. Yeah so that is something that didn't stand out to me at first. I wasn't really sure what i want to do. With my psychology and criminology degree. I considered going into the fbi. Some sort of police criminal justice work and then ultimately subtle settled. It's not the right word. But i made the decision to be therapist and go into clinical work based on my own experience in therapy. And i think we're gonna get into that a little bit later but my own experience in therapy and my good dot experiences with different therapists really motivated me to want to get back. Beat up person for someone else. Because i've had very good therapist and are not so great therapists over the years. Not just kind of comes with the territory but it really motivated me to want to continue studying psychology understanding it understanding people and being a person for others to connect with the actually interesting that you brought that up. If you don't mind i'm gonna go ahead and share my screen. And i'm going to share one thing with you and the audience and i liked your tagline here and you should see the psychology today website here in. Here's your most recent blog post. Why showing emotion as a therapist is okay sometimes and if you notice on the left side. Your tag is gabrielle. Ferrera therapist who sees therapist. Tell us a little bit more about that and how you came up with that idea. Yeah so. I actually got that idea from a book. I read earlier this year. I think i've been late last year. Actually and it was a book by lori gottlieb. she's a psychotherapist and author and also as speaker and she has a memoir called. Maybe you should talk to someone. And in that memoir she about her own experience as a therapist and also her time that she spent going to therapy and that book really resonated with me and it was the first time that i had connected so deeply with a therapist who also goes to therapy themselves. And i knew that a lot of therapists go to therapy. And it's something that were encouraged to do in grad school but reading. That book really made me feel like it was something normal and it was something nachos normal but an asset it was a strength to be in therapy myself and also be on the other side being in that helping possession.

Brad Schumacher Gabrielle Ferrara Morristown High School Gabrielle Attended University Immediate Care Psychiatric Cen Gabriel Ferrara New Jersey Parsippany Rutgers University Gabrielle Middlesex Marseilles Gabriel FBI Lori Gottlieb Ferrera
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on 5 Questions with Dan Schawbel

5 Questions with Dan Schawbel

05:59 min | 1 year ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on 5 Questions with Dan Schawbel

"My guest today is psychotherapist author and podcast host Lori Gottlieb. Laureus. Best known as the author of the bestselling book, maybe you should talk to which has helped start a global conversation about human connection. She writes the weekly Dear Therapist Advice Column for the Atlantic and Co host the deer therapist IHEART radio podcast with guy which in this.

Dear Therapist Advice Column Lori Gottlieb
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Skimm'd from The Couch

Skimm'd from The Couch

05:05 min | 1 year ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on Skimm'd from The Couch

"Hey everyone the show might sound a bit different today because we're skimming from three different couches. . The scam is still working from home for the time being because of covid nineteen today Lori gottlieb joins us on skin from the couch. . She is a psychotherapist and an author. . She writes the Dr Therapist Column in the Atlantic and She's also the author of the bestselling novel maybe you should talk to someone which I read I loved and then recommended to every member of my family Lori. . Thank you for joining US welcome to skin from the couch. . Thanks so much for having me Lori we're very excited I. . Feel like we're about to have therapy. . We're going start though putting you on the on the hot feet, , which just can you skim your resume for us? ? Yeah. . Sure. . After graduating from college I worked in the entertainment business. . I. . I worked on the film side and then I moved over to NBC, , and you're I there to. . You May for premiering when was called Er and the other was called breads heard of them. . When I was working on Er, , we had a consultant who is an emergency room physician at and he would do research with us and help us to choreograph the scenes and make sure that everything's accurate and I spent a lot of time in the ER, , and he said to me I, , think you like it better here than you like your day job because I was spending a lot of time in the ER and <hes> and I was like I'm lacking to go to medical school. . Like I like in my late twenties late that I went to medical school. . So went to Stanford I went to medical school when I got there, , it was the middle of the DOT com the first sort of DOT com bill before i. . And a lot of people were saying <hes> you know managed care it was coming into the healthcare system and would be able to do the kinds of work that I wanted to do with my patients. . I worked at a DOT COM for a little bit in the summer between first year second year of medical school and ultimately assert writing and I left to become a journalist and. . I felt like as a journalist I could really help to tell people stories the way that I wanted to, , and it was about ten years later after being a journalist for wile still a journalist but I had a baby and I was desperate for adult interaction and ups guy would come ons I would lose him in conversation at he hated that nearly describing me in corn to. . Like that and so he would always try to avoid the at eventually start telling to my door putting the APP just down very gently. . So I would not open the door, , engage him in conversation, , and so I called Dean at Stanford and I said, , maybe I should come back Andrew Psychiatry and she said, , you know you always wanted these deeper interactions with people welcome to come back. . But if you do psychiatry probably doing a lot of medication management, , it's not what you WANNA do. . Why don't you get a graduate degree in clinical psychology and do the work want to do it was really this is a moment it sounds obvious. . In, , retrospect which I think a lot of career things do where you know something that is right in front of you you had thought of, , and so I did that and I, , have this hybrid career where I'm a psychotherapist I have clinical practice here Los Angeles I'm still a writer I write books I writes the weekly called the Atlantic Avenue podcast coming out therapy. . So I see like what I do is I look at story of the human condition and I just express it different means what something that is not on your Lincoln profiler bio that people would be surprised to know about you maybe that I was competitive chess player. . You have another fallback career. . I. . Wasn't good never for career but I was really serious about it and I think I use that a lot in my career. . So I think with chests there's a lot of strategy. . There's a lot of anticipating the consequences of your moves and you can't plan everything out but I think that people look at my career they think I made these very impulsive decisions like you're working in Hollywood and boom you're going to go to medical school you're working on e. r. and then boom you want to. . Tell stories in different ways to you're GonNa go Ri- and then you're GonNa go the therapist and you go from telling people stories, , changing people's stories, , right? ? All of that is true but I think I very much ought ahead about why was I doing reflecting on why was doing so many people said to me you are crazy. . You don't leave medical school when you get into Stanford Medical School right? ? You don't leave Hollywood when you're at NBC and you have this job <hes>, , you're successful journalists would you mean you're going to go back and do therapy and why would you leave? ? And so I think it's really about <hes> I. . Think in chests you have to kind of really be reflected about what you're doing. . When I think about being reflective as an adult I think that means being reflective and going inside to that place of knowing and not listening to all the noise out there that the reflection is an inside job and not an outside job. .

Lori gottlieb US Danielle Weisberg Carly Dr Therapist Column NBC consultant Atlantic
Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist and author: "The uncomfortable is a great place to be."

Skimm'd from The Couch

05:05 min | 1 year ago

Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist and author: "The uncomfortable is a great place to be."

"Hey everyone the show might sound a bit different today because we're skimming from three different couches. The scam is still working from home for the time being because of covid nineteen today Lori gottlieb joins us on skin from the couch. She is a psychotherapist and an author. She writes the Dr Therapist Column in the Atlantic and She's also the author of the bestselling novel maybe you should talk to someone which I read I loved and then recommended to every member of my family Lori. Thank you for joining US welcome to skin from the couch. Thanks so much for having me Lori we're very excited I. Feel like we're about to have therapy. We're going start though putting you on the on the hot feet, which just can you skim your resume for us? Yeah. Sure. After graduating from college I worked in the entertainment business. I. I worked on the film side and then I moved over to NBC, and you're I there to. You May for premiering when was called Er and the other was called breads heard of them. When I was working on Er, we had a consultant who is an emergency room physician at and he would do research with us and help us to choreograph the scenes and make sure that everything's accurate and I spent a lot of time in the ER, and he said to me I, think you like it better here than you like your day job because I was spending a lot of time in the ER and and I was like I'm lacking to go to medical school. Like I like in my late twenties late that I went to medical school. So went to Stanford I went to medical school when I got there, it was the middle of the DOT com the first sort of DOT com bill before i. And a lot of people were saying you know managed care it was coming into the healthcare system and would be able to do the kinds of work that I wanted to do with my patients. I worked at a DOT COM for a little bit in the summer between first year second year of medical school and ultimately assert writing and I left to become a journalist and. I felt like as a journalist I could really help to tell people stories the way that I wanted to, and it was about ten years later after being a journalist for wile still a journalist but I had a baby and I was desperate for adult interaction and ups guy would come ons I would lose him in conversation at he hated that nearly describing me in corn to. Like that and so he would always try to avoid the at eventually start telling to my door putting the APP just down very gently. So I would not open the door, engage him in conversation, and so I called Dean at Stanford and I said, maybe I should come back Andrew Psychiatry and she said, you know you always wanted these deeper interactions with people welcome to come back. But if you do psychiatry probably doing a lot of medication management, it's not what you WANNA do. Why don't you get a graduate degree in clinical psychology and do the work want to do it was really this is a moment it sounds obvious. In, retrospect which I think a lot of career things do where you know something that is right in front of you you had thought of, and so I did that and I, have this hybrid career where I'm a psychotherapist I have clinical practice here Los Angeles I'm still a writer I write books I writes the weekly called the Atlantic Avenue podcast coming out therapy. So I see like what I do is I look at story of the human condition and I just express it different means what something that is not on your Lincoln profiler bio that people would be surprised to know about you maybe that I was competitive chess player. You have another fallback career. I. Wasn't good never for career but I was really serious about it and I think I use that a lot in my career. So I think with chests there's a lot of strategy. There's a lot of anticipating the consequences of your moves and you can't plan everything out but I think that people look at my career they think I made these very impulsive decisions like you're working in Hollywood and boom you're going to go to medical school you're working on e. r. and then boom you want to. Tell stories in different ways to you're GonNa go Ri- and then you're GonNa go the therapist and you go from telling people stories, changing people's stories, right? All of that is true but I think I very much ought ahead about why was I doing reflecting on why was doing so many people said to me you are crazy. You don't leave medical school when you get into Stanford Medical School right? You don't leave Hollywood when you're at NBC and you have this job you're successful journalists would you mean you're going to go back and do therapy and why would you leave? And so I think it's really about I. Think in chests you have to kind of really be reflected about what you're doing. When I think about being reflective as an adult I think that means being reflective and going inside to that place of knowing and not listening to all the noise out there that the reflection is an inside job and not an outside job.

Lori Gottlieb Dot Com Stanford Medical School NBC Stanford United States Dr Therapist Column Hollywood Atlantic DOT Wile Consultant Andrew Psychiatry RI Los Angeles Lincoln Chess Writer
20 Minutes About Emotions, Anxiety & More With Lori Gottlieb

20 Minute Fitness

06:41 min | 1 year ago

20 Minutes About Emotions, Anxiety & More With Lori Gottlieb

"Laurie run to introduce yourself. And Your Work Sarah so Lori Gottlieb. I'm a psychotherapist in Los Angeles. I'm the author of the book. Maybe you should talk to someone. And I write the weekly your therapist column for the Atlantic riots. You had an interesting career progression from first starting out in the TV and soon industry and then transitioning to Med School. And then eventually becoming a psychotherapist. How how did that come about? So I've always been interested in story and the human condition and so I started off after college working in film and Television and one of the shows that I was assigned to when I was over at NBC was Er and we had a consultant on the show who was an emergency room physician and I spent a lot of time in the emergency room with him to do research for the show and he kept saying to me. I think you like it better here. They maybe she go to medical school and say. I was a French major in college. I was very math and science. You but I was always insisted literature language but I did go to medical school and when I was up at medical school I was up at Stanford and it was This time when the healthcare system was changing it was a lot of talk about managed care and I had this idea of really guiding patients through their lives and it didn't seem like that was going to be the kind of clinical environment that would be easy to manage and so because I was still interested in story in the human condition. I left to become a journalist. Writing Roth and I. I still have a journalist but after I had a baby I've been a journalist for about ten years had a baby and I really needed to talk to adults during the day and so the ups guy would come in he'd like I would detain him with conversations if he would back away to his big brown truck and at a certain point he just tip toe to the door gently placed package out so I could not you know engage him in conversation so I called up the dean at Stanford and I said maybe I should come back and do psychiatry. And she said you're welcome to come back. But you might be doing a lot of medication management and. I know that you really want those those longer deeper relationships with your patients. Why don't you get a graduate degree in clinical psychology and becomes psychotherapist? And that was exactly what I did. I feel like I simply went from being a journalist where I help people to tell their stories to being therapist where I help people to change their stories and how you think your your initial background in the TV industry has been influencing your current work then is it really the storytelling telling or what is it. Exactly it is. I feel like when I sit in the therapist's chair that I am really editor and People come in with a faulty narrative generally because every single one of us is an unreliable narrator meaning that we're not trying to mislead but we tell our stories in a particular way and from a particular perspective and usually that version of the story is what's holding people back. A lot of people think that they're coming to therapy to know themselves by really. I feel like what we therapy is helping. People unknow themselves to let go of the limiting stories that they've been telling themselves so they can live their lives in some faulty narrative that they've been telling themselves about their lives. And how does it look in practice? What we now are like the radio said tell about themselves and how how is that changing after. Actually those with you. A lot of people come to therapy because they want something to change. Something's not working in their lives and usually what they want in the beginning. Is they want someone else or something else to take and what they come to realize is that they have so much agency to make changes themselves. That it's not about changing someone else or something else it's about. How do you respond to that? What kinds of changes can you make in your own life? And so we shift the story. So they become the protagonist in their lives and they're not just reactive to something that's going on around them right in you've seen riding that those individuals stories form to the call our own lives and you've been deeper meaning. Can you elaborate on that? Yeah I think that we're natural storytellers. Even starting with cave drags always wanted to communicate through story. And I think it's so much easier to see ourselves through somebody else's story so in. Maybe you should talk to someone. I followed the lives of four very seemingly different patients on the surface and then there's a fifth patients in the fifth patients is of course me as I go through my therapist. I go for something in my own life and I think that really the book is about the human condition. It's about the reader so so many people who read the buck say oh. I learned so much about myself. I saw so much myself in those stories. Because if you say to someone you know you do this or you're like this. Our instinct is to say no not notes but when you see somebody else do something. It's almost like having a mirror held up you where all of a sudden you see yourself much more clearly. And that gives you so much more agency and power in your life when you understand why something isn't working and what you can do about it and does require us to have you know these compensations to have basically that bureau held against us to really understand our own story better or something in play of how our own stories are forming in the first place like something that we can do actually to be more conscious about unknowing ourselves. I think it's hard to do by yourself because it's kind of like if you're zoomed into a picture you just see a little portion of it but if you zoom out you see this wider perspective and. I think that's what other people do for us. Were so close to ourselves that we lose perspective. We don't see the big picture and talking to somebody else can help me to see something that you haven't been either willing or able to see it's almost like. I think going to therapy is like getting a really good second opinion on your life and for those of us that don't have access to a therapist is like another way of actually realizing how the people in our own environment perceive US actually. Oh yeah absolutely. I mean the title of the Book May Be talked to someone. Doesn't just mean maybe you should talk to a therapist. Maybe we should all be talking more to one another and this was written before the pandemic so no this this applies all the time even more so now course but I think that a lot of times. We don't really take off the mask and talk to people about what's really going on with us because we have shame because we're afraid of how they might react because you know we're embarrassed whatever it might be and. I think what people come to realize when they do make contact with another person in that way is how much the same we all are that that underneath all we all want the same things we all want to love and be loved. We all have regret. We all have anxiety about certain things were also similar and so I think that we feel isolated so much time partly because everyone's going through something similar might look different but underneath the courts very similar and yet nobody wants to open up and share that so we feel like we're the only

Stanford Los Angeles Med School Laurie Lori Gottlieb Sarah NBC United States Roth Editor Consultant
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss

The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss

08:41 min | 1 year ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss

"Responsible for him for not telling me and me for ignoring the Times that it did come up and not really pursuing it because in some ways even if our stories are are not stories we want to live we somehow orchestrate our lives to to keep the story line going so someone might have that story of victim and they don't want to be a victim but what happens. Is they orchestrate things so that they will be a victim in those stories. Why I agree with you that that happens. Why does that happen? It happens because because we cling to the familiar so that feels like home so even if home was unpleasant miserable at least. It's something that we know if we go and we say oh wait what if I what if I'm not? I'm not a victim. What if I have? What if I'm not trapped right? My therapist told me about this. This was so life changing for me. It was a cartoon. He told me about a one point. I was talking about all the ways that I was trapped and Doorway out of any of these situations that I was talking about and he said You remind me of this cartoon and it's of a prisoner shaking the bars desperately trying to get out that on the right and the left. The bars open the prisoners. Free Right But so many of us don't walk around those parts of the questions. Why don't we? Why don't we walk around the bars and the reason is because we want to be free but with freedom comes responsibility and so if we walk around those bars? We're not the victim anymore. And now we have to take responsibility for our choices. Now we have to be proactive and make things happen for ourselves now. We can't say the world is limiting me. The world is holding me back. I can't have this dream of mine because you know something out. There is preventing me from having it. Now it's on us so that was a story. When I had to anno- myself I had to unknown part of myself that tended to go into that place of everything out. There is limiting me and you know life is unfair right So I had to. I had to really examine that story and I didn't even know that I was still carrying around that story. Thank you for sharing that. And what distinguishes in your mind. A good therapist from a great therapist. What are what are some of the differences that you would observe if you reflect back on the people you consider great therapists. What do they have in common? That separates them from good therapists. Yeah I think Wendell the therapists that I read about in the book. is a great therapist and they think what makes him a great therapist. Is that he so himself in the room. He brings his full humanity into the room. He's not I think there's a stereotype of therapists as being very much like a Tabula Rasa. And it's not that Wendell was disclosing things about his life. I knew very little about his life until of course the night that I google stockdale. That's another story but But you know I I. It wasn't we didn't talk about him in the room but but he is a human. It was clear that he was the same person in the therapy room. That he might be out in the world that there was not a persona that he was bringing into the room and so he was very spontaneous in the room. And I think it's almost like like as a musician right if you are a pianist. Let's say and you have to learn your skills and they have to be very precise and you have to know them so well and you just drill the Madrid them and drill them. That's what we get in graduate school. We drill the precision of being a therapist. But we don't drill the art right. The art is something. That's the comes out from experience. And so I think that you know once you know those skills then you can improvise. You can't really improvised as well. If you don't have the foundational stuff down so the same thing I think with Wendell was he had the foundational stuff down but man. Could he improvise? How did that manifest? What would what did good Improv. Or what does it or can it look like one of the things he did? That really surprised me was at one point. I was sort of going on and on about the break and You know and I and I was looking social media and I was looking at you know this imaginary wonderful life that my ex was now having and and he just he he stood up. Wendell stood up and he came over and he kicked me and didn't hurt me. It was like it was like I was like what was that and he said well. You seem to really enjoy suffering. And what he meant was he explained that. There's a difference between pain and suffering. We all experience pain at different points in our lives but we sometimes don't have to suffer so much that sometimes we are the cause of our suffering and I was the cause of my suffering by spending all of this emotional real estate on what was going on with my ex boyfriends life right and it was just it was creating all the suffering. You know I didn't have to be doing that. There were other ways that I could manage grief that I can move through my grief. That didn't involve kind of re traumatizing myself. All the time and that was so effective like that kick right because I always remember that the difference between pain and suffering. So let's let's segway. This feels like a perfect window to segue into a believe what would still be one of your favorite maxims that I highlighted for myself and that is insight is the booby prize of therapy. Can you explain what that means? I love that too because I think a lot of people believe that when they come to therapy. They're going for insight. Why do I do this? Why is it like this? Why do I keep getting into these arguments with my partner? Why am I stuck in my job? You know the why And and you can have all the insight in the world but if you don't actually make changes out in the world the insight is useless so I like to say that when you come to therapy you have to be both vulnerable and accountable. The vulnerability is you have to actually let me see you. You can't do the whole lake. Look over here look over here look over here and try to distract me with all these different stories. Because if I can't see the truth of who you are. I won't be able to connect with you. I won't be able to help you. Connect with yourself and we won't be able to get that insight so let's the insight piece but then there's the accountable part right which is okay now that you understand why these arguments keep escalating in your marriage right. Somebody might come back the next week. And they'll say yes so I got in this fight with my wife and I understand now exactly. I understood it as it was happening. Exactly why why this was happening and I said well did you do something different will no but I understood why it was happening right. It's like that's not helpful. I mean it's it's helpful to some extent but what you need to do then is you need to do something different because of this insight so maybe you understand now that when you react in a certain way to what. Your wife is saying That that's going to escalate things so just because you understand the why and what it brings up in you. What are you gonNA do differently now? So once people start changing their behavior. That's when they start to see real change in their lives. How did you for instance I take? The PAIN IS UNAVOIDABLE SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL. Just to paraphrase. How did you take that insight after Wendell kicked you if you did and translated into behavior modification? Yeah well the first behavior was. I stopped You know the whole online searching for the ex boyfriend Because it just wasn't serving me I think also changing my behavior in terms of making up these stories about you know if he posted a salad in a restaurant. I'd be like well. How can even eat? He didn't miss me at all. These these I mean you go to a very young place I think when we experience the end of a relationship no matter how old we are we often go to this very primal place because as as as a species we need to connect and I think that experienced sort of the shock.

Wendell PAIN Tabula Rasa anno partner
"lori gottlieb" Discussed on The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss

The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss

09:29 min | 1 year ago

"lori gottlieb" Discussed on The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss

"You by porn hub. Just kidding this episode is brought to you by four sigmatic which is part of my morning routine also part of my afternoon routine. I have been in lockdown for almost four weeks now and routine saves me so there are a number of ways that I use for sigmatic in the mornings. I regularly start with their mushroom coffee instead of regular coffee and it doesn't taste like mushroom. Let me explain this first of all zero sugar zero calories half the caffeine of regular coffee. It's easy on my stomach. Tastes amazing and all you have to do is add hot water. I use travel packets. I've been to probably a dozen countries with various products from four sigmatic and they're mushroom. Coffee is top of the list. That's number one. I travel with it. I recommend it. I give it to my employees. I give it to house guests. So if you're one of the sixty of Americans or more who drink coffee daily consider switching it up. The stuff is amazing. That's part one. 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They make sure your job posts gets in front of the people with the right hard skills and soft skills to meet your requirements. They've made it as easy as possible. So check it out to get fifty dollars off your first job. Post GO TO LINCOLN DOT com slash. Tim again that's Lincoln Dot com slash. Tim Get fifty dollars off of your first job. Post terms and conditions apply but. Check IT OUT LINCOLN DOT com slash. Tim Hello Boys and girls. This is Tim Ferriss. Welcome to another episode of the Tim. Ferriss show hold your meal. Tinndahn either Shangen. A- and guest today is Lori Gottlieb Lori is a psychotherapist and author of the New York Times Bestseller. Maybe you should talk to someone which is being adapted as a television series by Eva Longoria and the creators of the Emmy and Golden Globe winning series. The Americans which I've watched many many hours of in addition to clinical practice. She writes the Atlantic's weekly dear therapist advice column and contributes regularly to the New York Times and many other publications for recent tedtalk is one of the top ten most watched of this year and she is a sought after expert in media such as the today show. Good Morning America the. Cbs Early Show CNN. Npr's fresh air per new IHEART podcast dear therapists in the plural produced by. Katy Kirk will premiere this year so you can find her and learn more at Lori. Gottlieb DOT COM that's L. O. R. I G. O. T. T. L. E. B. dot com. You can also say hello on social on twitter at Lori. Gottlieb one the number one on Instagram Lori gottlieb underscore author and on facebook at Gottlieb. Laurie without further ADO. Please enjoy a wide ranging conversation with Lori Gottlieb. Laurie welcome to the show. Well thank you. I'm thrilled to connect. I've been looking forward to connecting. I'm sad we couldn't do it in person but also somewhat happy that we were both safe and sound in our respective domiciles and bringing quarantine verite to the masses as we mentioned before record and I thought we could start with a talk of yours that you gave. Which in all honesty I have not yet had a chance to listen to but someone on my staff said you have to ask her about the story. She told the moth in. I believe it was two thousand and fourteen. Can you describe what you ended up sharing at the moth and why you decided to share that? Sure so The story that I told that the mob was about how I became apparent and It was about the process of being in my late thirties Not Having found the person that I wanted to spend my life with and knowing that I wanted to be a mom and what I had to go through in terms of finding a sperm donor and kind of how surreal that was to think about. How do you choose the genetic material for this person? Who's going to be your child? And what do you even looking for? And so it brought up a lot of sort of existential questions about nature versus nurture and what this means for this human being. Who would be this person who would know who this you know? Maybe not ever meet this donor. But have limited information about this person Brought up so many sort of philosophical and ethical questions and so. That's what I talked about. How did you decide to share that versus other stories that you might share you? You have a life full of interesting stories. How did how did it come to pass that? You ended up on the stage sharing that at the moth. I think that that was probably the most. I would say the biggest risk in life that I ever took and it was also the best decision that I ever made in my life and so I think there were those two pieces of it. There was the making a decision to do something with so much uncertainty and then knowing in that deep place of knowing that we all have that it was absolutely a decision. I had to make that. I could not go through life and not have done what I did. And so knowing that. There are all kinds of risks and all kinds of downsides And still going through and saying but I know I know in every cell of my body that this is the right thing to do and right thing to do. You're referring to having a child not getting on the stage at the Moth Speaker. Just to be clear yes absolutely. I'm referring to having the child. Yeah getting on. The stage was You know I it was I. I will say something about getting on the stage. I will say that I really believe that. So many of us are carrying around really fascinating stories that we don't think that fascinating. We think. Our lives are pretty ordinary but as a therapist I can tell you that the most extraordinary stories come out of people that are grounded in the ordinary. And so maybe.

Tim Ferriss Lori Gottlieb Lori Lori Gottlieb Gottlieb DOT COM LINCOLN DOT Lincoln Laurie caffeine Eva Longoria Cortisol Npr Emmy New York Times O. U. R. S. I G. M. T. America Atlantic facebook New York Times Bestseller Katy Kirk
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

The Psychology Podcast

09:49 min | 1 year ago

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

"Today. I'm very excited to have Lori gottlieb on the podcast godly a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of. Maybe you should talk to someone which is currently being adapted as a television series with eve. Longoria I think that's how you pronounce her name. In addition to our clinical practice she writes the Atlantic's weekly dear therapist advice column and contributes regularly to the New York Times and many other publications. She's also sought after expert in media such as the today show. Good Morning America the CBS early show CNN and NPR's fresh air worry. This is amazing to talk to you today. Sell excited to have this conversation with you have ever opened up the pike. As we're saying amazing talking to you today it was nice chatting with you too. So this is I really. I really mean it. Your book is terrific it is. I finished it last night. Finally finished last night. I've been like chipping away at it for like a while because life keeps getting in the way so how you wrapped everything up. I was in tears and I can't imagine like how someone could be human and read your book and not be in tears by the by the end of your book. Yeah you know. I really wanted people to have the experience that I had when I was seeing these patients. And so I hope that people feel a lot when they're reading the book. Oh I felt quite a bit it in fact I saw red. I finished the book right before I went to sleep and my dreams last night. We're so weird. I feel like they were like partly tied to. The story is near Book and partly tied to like my mom like I was like. I woke up this morning. I was like mom I miss you. She's still alive. I WanNa see you every day and I'm like where did that come from. I thought I didn't like my mom. Joking JOKING I. I love to hear this. You know I know I know. I love her lower but but I've been trying to put my distance between me and her a little bit because she's a very over protective Jewish mother. But but but just reading your book I just like it made me want to like hold onto time as much as possible. It's always something I've had an issue with anyways like the idea of time passing by has always always been roddick about that ever since. I was actually in counseling. A little kid over that because it freaked me out especially if a ringer book now as well. It's like it's heightened my appreciation of everyone in my life. Yeah I think most people don't think about that until they get to a certain age and You know so in the book I follow these four very different patients and then I'm the fifth patient and they think that woven throughout all of our stories is this question of. How do we want to spend our time? you know. Are we being intentional about how we're spending our time or are we just squandering it away and I hope that You know when you read the book that it made you. It didn't scare you but then it made you be more aware of. What am I doing with my life? It did absolutely it. Didn't scare me no It just made me appreciate Just ahead more gratitude yearbook. Remind your mind me kind of like a modern day or irving all of it. I mean I don't think there's anyone else who's done what he's done before since you You know you know in in terms of being a therapist and writing such compelling stories About their patients. And even you know the X. essential theme of your writing in particular has been an influence on your work. He has definitely I. I read him when I was in medical school at Stanford and he of course was at Stanford and He Can you read it pleasing? Everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off as a piece of cake. I'm absolutely absolutely I. I had a cup I would be drake into that too so I so. I corresponded with him. A little bit and met with him when I was at Stanford briefly and that was a million years ago and then I reconnected with him when I wrote this book and it really nervous giving this book to him Because you know he's such a master at bringing people into the therapy room in a way that universal it doesn't feel like it's about therapy but it feels like it's about the human condition and he was so lovely and such a fan of the book in and I actually was supposed to do an event with him in the bay area when I was on book tour and he became ill and couldn't do the event and his son who's also a psychotherapist. Victor did the event with me. And it meant so much to me to have the yellows you know supporting this absolutely and now you have Kauffman supporting it. You're you're made. I was like the icing on the cake when I got coughing supporting it but no I'm I'm such a big fan of his work as well. I reached out to a couple years ago. I was in San Francisco's like hey can I come over to your house and talk to you. And he's like sure like I spent an afternoon with him and like we talked about so much it turned out. He was friends with the role. May One of my favorite psychotherapists and he was. He was on his deathbed. Yeah will I did. Because Rallo may was was his therapist at one point. Exactly that's exactly. Yeah but he's so generous in that way to say to somebody. Yeah just come over. And and he thinks about the world in a way that I think he tries to encourage everybody else to which is to really consider you know. What do you want to do with your time on this planet? And he talks about these fundamental themes of human existence. And your book is full of those themes. And if you see enough patients you'll just like it's basically like doing a subjective factor analysis non-objective factor houses but subjectively. You start to notice like there's these groupings like these things keep over over. We we all think. We're like so unique. Our problems are so. I'm the only one suffering with guilt. Redemption meaning mortality loneliness. Love but you see enough patients you start to see these themes over and over again. How does that impact sort of your own life and thinking about these teams and how they play on your own life at such a such a great point because they think that we all know that everybody else experiences heartbreak and grief and loss and joy and all of those things but when it happens to us we think that hours particularly unique that no one has experienced it in exactly the same way so you know the book opens with me going through this break up and of course I feel like well you know? It's very specific to me. And I know intellectually that so many other people have experienced something like this but the way that it happened in the play by play that I keep giving by therapists. I really want him to understand my unique experience. And what you see as a therapist is that we're all more the same than we are different and I think that there are so many times that we feel isolated in our experiences because we don't realize how connected our experiences are to everybody else's and I think that when you know the title of the book is maybe you should talk to someone and I don't necessarily mean maybe you should talk to a therapist. I mean maybe we need to talk to each other more because we do feel so alone in our experience in the more that we talk to people and really talk to people. The more will realize that. Oh you know other people have experienced exactly this. We're having this conversation. I was having this conversation students just yesterday. I had a large election hall and I just put up. A poll at students can do anonymously with their with their cell phones. And I just put the question. Are you only and I get yes or no I wanted to do is for them to all see. Just how lonely. Everyone else was in the classroom now. I was praying that I would get a good number on the yes just just to make it worth the point. Although if it wasn't the not actually would be good for good for the students if they weren't really but anyway it came out about thirty. Three percent said yes and I said that's really telling like just think on your campus one out of every three people that you walk past in this campus has the experience of. Im willingly and no one's smiling each other. No one's I'd I'd try and experiment yesterday where I try to smile at everyone that I passed you try. You don't ever try that New York City think nothing is wrong with you. Rain for the mental institution. Yeah you know. It's interesting because they think that no matter what people come in with on there. Is this kind of loneliness in the background. Even if they're surrounded by people even if they you know have families and friends in all of those things I think that we're so disconnected in so many ways that we don't realize how lonely we are just for the simple act of sitting face to face with another person uninterrupted. Like you're doing therapy for fifty minutes. But people don't do that outside because they've got something ping or digging or vibrating ringing and they're always distracted. And there's there's something so Connecting I think and it feels so good to be able to sit with someone face to face in the same physical space. Not mediated by screen or facetime And really just sit there without any interruptions we. We have so few opportunities for that

New York Times Stanford Lori Gottlieb Longoria Atlantic New York City CBS Roddick CNN Irving Kauffman Victor Rallo NPR San Francisco