4 Episode results for "Liza Traeger"

Liza Treyger Disobeys Bridger

I Said No Gifts!

1:13:48 hr | Last month

Liza Treyger Disobeys Bridger

"Bird did you hear myself perfectly. Clear i guess prince spurs no saharan me Welcome to i said no gifts. I'm richard weinberger. Welcome to the podcast. I wonder what you're doing. You're i don't know if you're listening to this podcast. While you're working parking enforcement may take a minute to just cut some people a break. I was just out. And i didn't feed the meter. I just had to run to. The car. And i was so anxious. So you know maybe just don't be a narc for thirty seconds of your life. Give everybody a minute to just breathe the meter and on the other side if you're listening to this small considering an illegal parking job i don't know maybe circle the block a couple of times and look for something a little more doable. I don't know welcome to the podcast so happy. Everyone's here and i'm so happy about today's guest. Everybody loves her. We're so excited to talk to her. It's liza traeger liza So i don't know if everybody loves me enough but enough to assume everybody but i there's some enemies around town start naming enemies. We've got an hour. Get out your list. Unfurled a scroll and begin naming enemies. Sometimes they get confrontational. I'm trying to work on. Do you watch below deck. No i've had it recommended to me so many times. And i'm certain i would love it. Yeah yacht upstairs downstairs. You know a hot people hooking up on at least heard this already. But there's like one girl came for this other girl was like you're the worst chief stu you suck it. That like went for her and other go a drove. This bitch wild. And i was like that's what i wanna do from now on. I wanna be a just not giving anybody anything that they want. Because i get too emotional. Everything and i want to be like doesn't matter okay. So wonderful and that really is the absolute defense. The other person will lose their mind. Because they want you to also be on their level of hysteria. Well recently got into a fight with a friend and she was like. You're being really defensive. I'm really defensive i go. You just said something shitty. And what are you talking of course. Do you feel like you're getting in fights like daily weekly. How often are you confronting someone. Oh i would say weekly but sometimes it's not that important like someone was kind of yelling at a server. And i don't yell at her. Oh that's heroic called conference and that's he did my favorite thing when then after you say they go. I wasn't yelling. I wasn't yelling. But their voice changes just immediately proving that is not their regular volume of voids boyfriend. He's he's not he's confrontational but he's loud so it does seem like he's frequently confronting or trying to cause some sort of jewish but it's just the level of volume of his voice. His mom i think is a kid would say things like i'm not mad at this is just my voice and it's just a loud family so you're always wondering is this person yelling at me or are they just speaking. How long have you been together. Six and a half years as he ration or now he's half italian half a slovak so he's loud from new jersey but then when when i'm angry he'll say stop yelling and i'll be like i'm not i think anything because i speak kind of level volume at all times at the moment that it goes to any other level. It feels like yelling to people are like. Wow he's excited. I grew up in a yelling families. So when people are like. I won't be spoken to like this. It's like all right tom police. That's like we i. I hate that kind of The like of how you say. It matters more than what is actually happening right. Yeah it's a hard thing to adjust to. I think anyone that comes from you. Know basically the middle of the country is used to everyone talking in a very pleasant way so you get onto a coast and you meet people who speak different volumes. And you just feel like everyone's mad at you but people are or if he was even just honest about their opinion you're like i can't believe that someone sharing their feelings. It's just like the hardest thing to do in the world but also Would solve every problem ever. Oh healthy communication. I mean speaking of. Let's just be honest. I realized i wasn't falling following you on instagram today. So i went over i here. You're posting trash which is annoying. Look that is not annoying. that is i am following. You know but this isn't a this is not a not a follow me back situation. I just wanted you to be aware that where i'm getting this information from. I noticed you were in new york recently. How long were you there for. I was only there for like a week. This was just doing shows you now. I did two weeks chicago. And then i went to new york to celebrate my birthday. See my best friend. Performance the comedy cellar and just do labor day weekend lunches walking around laying in bed watching below deck with my esti. Oh that sounds incredible and it looks like you had a lot of Wonderful food wonderful. Food got stuck in a hurricane Someone gave me mushrooms. I thought it was an edible allah. Did you do mushrooms while you were there. Not on purpose. What was then. What was the experience like. I try to make it as positive as possible could have been way worse. I could have thought about this crawling all over me. But i didn't know what was happening to me in the car. I laughed and i was like fucking feel good. And my p i. I didn't have energy and then i laid down on the couch and i went on mushroom so i tell them angry and that i was trying to pew and felt like i was fifteen hours but it was just like three or four hours of just not my favorite but not the worst and then. I just listened to chrome attica and joanne. Are you a big gaga person. I am ever gaga shower. But i'm gonna go but you know when you say you love someone and then you meet the people that are every album. I know the name. And i'm not like i guess i'm majlis. My number one but gaga is very loosing miley miley to me. Seems like somebody that would be hard to be a hardcore fan of because she seemed so all over the place musically yet. But i love all the heads. I wanna hear her voice so as long as hanging. I'm down on down the all. Her journey is who's your number one look. I'm not super into this sort of this type of pop music. But when i when i'm really craving it i'll listen to charlie sierra. Obviously robin is next level. Like i put her in another category. No but i just had your number one. I didn't say it had to be a pop. Diva oh well. Number one number one band. What are we talking about number. One woman number one fan of liza traeger and i've got her here. I've trapped her on my podcast. Robin is a good one. Now robin soga robin. I mean really takes. Time does deliberate things you know. It's gonna be exactly what she wanted to be. I had her early out. I had the show leila. You know. I'm sure a lot of us did that was all over the radio in nineteen ninety seven and then to do you remember the moment where you realized the same robin. Oh it's wild. I mean it's a fully different person. Yeah that's cool. I've since tried to go back to those earlier things and it's just. I don't think that early step is good. I imagine she agrees. I like the hats. The hits are fine but compared to the new robin words like. She's doing exactly what she wants to be doing. I can't even have won't even talk about it. I'll get so upset. Did you have foam housing video of everyone on the new york city platform after the concert. Singing dancing no. I don't like singing or yelling in unison. It makes me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Whoa that's wild opposite for me. You love do you like once. You have to do a big cheer or this kind of thing where everyone's saying the same thing at once. It's not about cheer. no. I like defense. Yeah i like that. It makes me so uncomfortable. I don't know why. I just this huge feeling. Every person in the audience is embarrassment is channeled through me and it's almost debilitating it's I can't do it. I can't do things of. I wouldn't wanna sing on my own. That takes a lot of effort for me. And i've really try hard but with a group. That's the best drunk singing a song. You love together share. Are you a sober person. Are you saying. I don't drink. So maybe that this is why. If i was sober i would hate to go defense. But that's that's the key that's the missing key. I feel like i've had jobs though. Where drunk or not you. I mean you couldn't be drunk in those situations and people were yelling like the managers. Were trying to get everybody excited about that. Sort of thing. Just sends a shiver down my spine. Corporate sheer is different than train platform after robin concerts. I just don't want to experience or share experience with anyone. I think that's my problem. I've just got to be basically a hermit. You're on her man. I like being a. I need hermit. Times i'm social social. And then i will fully shut in crumble. I just read this book Called stranger in the woods. Have you heard of this about this guy who was called. The north pond hermit. He lived in maine for us in the woods for thirty years Spoke one word the entire time. It's a wild story. And what's the word. I think he said hi. He like he crossed paths with some people once and the rest of the time. He was robin cabins around the woods and was kind of kind of became this folk lore around main like the north pond hermit than they finally caught him so he was robbing that the added little thing but only like you know the necessities the bare necessities. He was taking mac and cheese. He was occasionally taking batteries. Propane tanks just things to survive in what you think like. Why did he need such solitude. It's such a in reading this thing. I think that socially there must have just been something slightly askew with him because when he was twenty he drove his car into the woods. Walked out of the car into end. Just left it there and then just went and lived in the woods for thirty years. But are we sure. This one hundred percent retailers this like a million little pieces with the spring calls. I mean while reading. I was like he could be lying about this. Entire thing to this author journalist But i mean there's no proof otherwise that it's not true. I mean the so. He came out so now is he like out and about. He's not allen about he. Was this author. Basically forced his way into the hermit's life he while the hermit was in prison or jail or whatever was happening with him the author showed up and said they had been corresponding by letter or occasionally in the hermit was reluctant and so the author just went to maine and was a visitor and the guy kind of warmed up to him. So then i mean my god. Here i go. I'm just describing this whole book. This is exactly what this is. Why you're here. This is why the listeners here. Well no because. I like to learn. But i hate to read like this is good now. I have a new information. It's nice. People are learning about a hermit but essentially he's now out of prison and has been basically kind of imprisoned by society because he can't go back into the woods. He's i think he's on parole and has to get a job and be part of society now. Which seems like. It's the last thing this guy wants to do. But what are you going to do. And he was in the woods for thirty years and he was stealing mac and cheese et cetera. Feeling with garbage. Now i want mac and cheese saul bad. Well that's up to you know it's three fifteen hours of recording. You've got dinner ahead of you. i'm not. I can't ruin my day like that. What do you start the day with. A mac and cheese or ended with a mac and cheese I'm in bed at night in the dark alone whole alcohol bowl to myself till it hurts like eight. Mac and cheese is like a kraft mac and cheese and annie's mac and cheese. Those are the only mac and cheese. I know i'll take both but also order and recently had mac and cheese and it will career. Oh delicious cheese. Yeah it was really. But i had one of those experiences. It's like it was my favorite restaurant. And it closed down. Pandemic and i was walking and i saw reopened in a new location way. Where are the cracker. Wait the there's used to be this incised. Kind of annoying What restaurant mermaid. In who've never heard of it they have the best happy hour i've ever experienced shrimp corn dogs. A little cups of new england. Clam chowder oh. That sounds delightful. Ems seafood gal. Speaking of all of confrontation. This kind of thing before the podcasts even began you mentioned we've never met in real life. No and i also want to say how did you finagle your way into a show where people buy things constantly a wishy. Yes i made. Look i do get a lot. I am getting a lot of gifts on this podcast. But it's kind of become an actual problem in my life you know like i'm getting a lot of things that i have no practical use for only space. No i can't re- gift these things. You don't re- gifts no. They're just kind of piling up eventually. It's going to crush me but for the time being you know occasionally someone will give me an edible thing which i can kind of get that out of the way but it does feel a little bit like tetris with the pieces just piling up. And eventually i'm going to. It's going to be an avalanche. I'm going to be destroyed now. I only i can only get my parents edible gifts because they're they They grew up in the war. Like they don't like using stuff they have to save it for a special dale. We can't get it dirty. They hide everything. So i have to get them perishables and so. What sort of perishable goods are you getting. So like the most recently for fathers sent him a mixed nuts platter thing delicious. My big thing was on his eightieth. i got him petrossian. Caviar oh my god. That's a fancy gift. Yeah it was like eight hundred dollars of caviar. I sent what they put the how much i mean i. It's not a lot it's basically like. What would you say the size of shoe polish container. I don't remember the things but also comes with a little bellini. Things the creme fresh there's other things and it's like over you pay for the shipping. Really you know it's this because you don't want it to rot in the mail. Yeah and they they pack it up but then they started sending the catalogs to my parents house and then they saw how much spent their like. You're mentally ill without your cell phone bill. What are you doing. But they got to enjoy it and about it. But i send cakes desserts flower like it has to be super super useful. Or it's gonna be hidden away. You're i feel like. I have that in common with your parents. I feel like i have. I have a hard time using things or like i. You know i. i'll rip before. I even try it on. I just feel like it could go away at any minute. So i should. I've got to be careful with everything and it's not a healthy thing. I'm like which which is frustrating. Because i'm aware it's not a good way of thinking but there's no way of overcoming. There's no good or bad. A i would argue my my personal experiences not good. I'm just shocked. You don't re gift. I will be honest. That's a shock for me. Well i feel like that would be a giant controversy in the podcast and community. If suddenly my gifts were flying out the window to various people around town. And i don't know maybe what i could do. I see this is why we need to be doing this. These person maybe. I start re gifting the gifts to my guests. Maybe they show up. And i'm suddenly like. Here's you know the caviar which i assume you got me etc But look let's put that aside for a minute. Because i do. I want to talk to you about target. You saw me at target and didn't say anything to me. I didn't we had never met. And so i just kept my distance but i look to you for why you followed me around the store. I texted keira. I told her i saw you. She said you live in the neighborhood and that was that but we were. Yeah the big target. The big target and you say prefer the small target. I'm this closer to the small target. And i hate multiple level Stores like that. I can go to a multi-floor like macy's clothing but a grocery or target mall I'll always choose the flatter store. I think of flat store is more natural for a grocery store. I'm used to a flat store. Progress erzen the moment. I have to put a shopping cart on an escalator. I'm the experience has been ruined for me. And i'm worried that the milk is going to crush the eggs. Or what have you I wanna jump in that roller coaster. Of course i would love to ride that little thing to the top a little penguin. No yeah that thing. It does look kind of dangerous. I will say. But i wouldn't mind getting in the shopping cart and just has anybody ever done that. I have to assume someone has the asam skater. Teens trying to a baby has been forgotten in the shopping cart and taking a right to the top of the mountain. it'd be so scary but the small target there's like famous tacos in front of it. Yes and now. I want to hear about this. So the line is so long of an some group chatter somewhere. Someone told me that People have been Food poisoned like kidding. Yeah a friend of young people are where food poisoning from it. I've been wanting to go there for months. It's one of those places that will decide on a place to go to dinner at then will pass and be like oh we could have gone there but now i guess maybe for the vets. I'll still try. I mean i would want with the line that long. You're just curious right of course and they have that giant pass stores spit which just makes me want to. I could eat that for days. Romantic there he say a plan like lo. Let's let's stand in line for an hour but you can't do that. You don't wanna do that for dinner if you're just like what are we go. Let's go wait. It's a more of an event right. It is kind of then. You're going to be eating in the target parking lot. It's like you really have to commit to the general idea that it's not a spur of the moment sort of thing or you have to be like you've stumble upon it while wandering around the neighborhood or something but you think i should have said hi to you when i saw you at the target. I would've loved. I love hearing somebody. Who whether i've met them or not. It's a little jolt to the shopping trip. And you know like it adds a little texture to your browsing. I'm frequently there for no reason at all. Just kind of looking at things so saying hello i will. This is a lesson. i'll take with me forever. i hope so. I hope that this has been a hard lesson. Learn and you evolve lose a look you agreed to be on this podcast. I feel like it's been a long time in the works to be honest. It's been months of back and forth are lawyers kind of going at each other's throats like lease only be on the podcasts. Under these terms and i said i only have her on the podcast under these terms. Bunch of both of our lawyers were fired. We hired new lawyers. We finally came to an agreement. We're on the same network. For god's sake it was. Still just blood a bloodbath. But you're here now and the podcast is called. I said no gifts and so. I was a little surprised. I was a little bit startled the other night when i opened the front door and to my surprise there was a box an address to me. Now it's in kind of a purple bag with a cupcake on it with a sprint. What is that called a sparked. I was gonna call it a sprinkler sparklers. Kind of a sprinkler of fire. So i guess. I wasn't that far off because i don't know if you did that. Look who did it is. nobody's business. This could have been done by anyone. It's a beautiful bag end of end of conversation. Sarah cut that keep up. Look i have to ask you. Is this a gift for me. It is yes. Should i dive in here. I would love you. I love for that to happen. I i hope this is a gift that instead of crushing you in a pile of gifts at something that you go. We'll see you this tissue paper all day. I would like to do this for five minutes. Just dropping listeners left. But we're not going to thamar creeps. It is still boxed still in the box. We've got a surprise. I i think there was one gift recently that i wasn't surprised by but most of the time i like to be shocked. I love a surprise. I adore a surprise. Good or bad. it's just like a little a little something new so here. God got my scissor. I've through the box opening opening. I like to look at it until you fully take out and feeling things feels like. There's two items in here to be honest. Are there two items in here there are. There's like a larger one in a smaller. One i take out. I i think the bigger one i can bring out the bigger one. I keep the smaller one. Oh this is a very useful thing. This is great and beautiful color. It's an algae water bottle which i've been using the same water bottle for about six years. Now let's actually right here Totally destroyed It's for other purposes. It's metal and can be used as a weapon but this. I've never owned one of these always so envious people who haven't because i love to hydrate and these make water look so delicious. It was huge in high school. And i feel like the two thousands are coming back row. They've been back. We've been living in a denial state. And i thought the cool girls with their north faces and their birkenstocks. They had their genes. They're back in such a huge way. Do you have one. I don't have an algae. And i have tons of water bottles cups with stras. I don't use any of them they're scattered. I have tons of plastic bottles. i'm constantly. I'm drowning in plastic. Do you have a go-to one when you do use them. Or are you just picking randomly and using that to i could find but i know i'll have a favorite for a couple of barbies. It's like all a play with it for a few days and then it's like i don't need this i can't lose it. I'll leave it. Do you feel like you're a hydrated person. I have to focus on it. Really hard really. Yeah so like. Is this a new thing. Where like i'm going to start drinking. Sixty ounces of water a day or is it just randomly. You'll think oh. I should probably have some water now. Well it depends how into my fitness routine. I am at at any particular moment. So if i'm going hard courts like yeah i'm chugging i'm chugging but if i'm left to my own devices i just feel but it also if i'm at the comedy clubs i'll drink more water. 'cause they'll give you water bottles right so if i'm if i'm out to dinner all fucking i'll finish three or four glass like it's like a trough situation. I'm kind of The same where. Like pre pen democ. When i was in writers rooms there was just a there was water a plenty. I was drinking constantly just constantly having to go to the bathroom as hydrated as i've ever been at then the first four months of the pandemic probably drinking a glass of water a day i was essentially a dried up leaf. And now i've kind of recommitted. I just fill up this water bottle as frequently as possible. I haven't really noticed any difference in any way healthwise. But i've been told it's a good thing to do. Well yeah it's a good thing. It's you haven't noticed any differences. That although no i mean what differences would i notice while one time my friend and i were at the brooklyn museum and we hit like a moment where we both. We gotta get outta here. And then we'd both slipped on the water fountain and immediately we're like oh i have more energy then. We got to stay art museum longer. Oh within maybe maybe. My situation is more that i am secretly hydrating. And so i've just never really noticed a different also. Not drinking drinking ruined on like a hamster wheel of having to hydrate because they're just poisoning your body Do you do drink things other than water when you're trying to hydrate or is it just purely water. Greens from this fitness blogger. I love greens greens. Oh helps relieve bloat. Okay and does it taste bad taste delicious. Really this girl. She just went viral on. Not just like a few years ago went viral with her weight loss journey. And she's so into fitness and now she has an a. Like eight figure company. She makes she makes some like powders. That are all natural so for weightlifters. I guess they use like pre-workout and post workout and stuff but those are usually chemically so she created because she has borderline personality so she needs like level stuff. She created lines of like powders proteins. That are all natural. And i just watch her work out every day. Oh that's great wait. So did she use these powders on her journey or did she used them after her journey i think after by they got really big on talk. Like if you just drink at every morning it does help with bloat. I don't know how true sitting i don't know how and it's just a mix of green vegetables dehydrated and crushed. Yeah something weird like that but alternate guaranteeing. I love diet coke. I love apple juice of bubble tea. love a beverage. I love a diet. Sunkissed would never had a diet sunkist. I've been i could get into that. I love all sodas. But i get the diversion like if i'm getting sugar. I'd rather have gummy candies right. Exactly the same. I mean i drink like a sugared soda up until i was probably twenty two then made this shift. I was working at restaurants where you can. you know. Drink as much sodas you wanted and that just feels so dangerous to me. Maybe because i'm a girl who was always diet coke like i didn't even think of anything else. So sure his diet coke. Your favorite diet soda not diet rupert. Yeah diet coke the most frequent the most. If i order sushi takeout. I wanna diet coke with that. Oh yeah i love a diet coke. I'd like a coke zero but they've changed the formula. There was this giant backlash against it. I don't know i don't follow. The politics of diet says so. I was i'm buzzfeed ally and they just come came up with a thing. Like huge company blunders like big companies that like made one one mistake in lost five hundred million dollars like red lobster. All you can eat crab leg deal. And they lost five hundred million dollars. I mean. of course. I mean that one i i. I'm not in the red lobster or the crab business. I could have told them. That was a bad idea o. J. c. penney did something stupid. Where like they were like. Oh instead of having sales will just make everything like at seventy percent off. And then they lost money. Because i remember that one and they put ellen as the face and put like some and they tried to do a thorough. What's a third a third pound burger didn't realize that that was more than a quarter pound of lost money. You can't count on the general populations grasp of math when you're selling a and w hamburgers now but same with the j. c. Penney people are like. I'm not driving. Unless i get a deal. And they're like of course i mean i i mean speaking as an extremely cheap person who buys almost everything on sale if i go somewhere and there's not some sort of clearance rack i'm just like be lining my way out of the store. I need something to appear like it's been discounted any to look at the crappy little sticker that's been placed over the normal sticker and say look i'm ripping the store off. Why sellers don absolutely nothing. It's again headed back to. I am aware of this problem. But i do nothing to fix it. Not even a nice dinner. You're not splurging anyth- anything. No i mean like i really have to force myself to splurge on dinner like it's a painful experience until it's like months the rear view that i can look back and said that was a nice dinner. And what your and your partner. What's what's the deal. Oh he hates it. He despises every moment of it. I mean i'm sure most people would find extremely frustrating to deal with me do splurge jumpings. Yes i'm the opposite problem where i'm living in a studio apartment and there's multiple items here that cost hundreds if not thousands of dollars. What yeah. I have a big problem. Big problem like so. What's an example of a really expensive thing. You bought recently reset okay. So we're not even reasons a so. It was my birthday. So i was in new york. I went on a soul cycle birthday ride with a few friends and then on the way home with hotel. I didn't have a new outfit. 'cause i'd been on the road and everything's and has like i just want a new thing to wear tonight so i popped into the forever twenty one i was and then i went into reagan boehner and i bought it at three hundred dollar dress does to me that does sound fun like theoretically. I'm like. oh the idea of going into a store not thinking about the price and buying something the thing the exact thing i want the sounds like a i mean. of course. that's a great time. But i cannot do it. It's impossible for me to do. I don't know how to overcome it. I tried oh. My friend's birthday is coming up this weekend. She's in new york. And i don't know exactly what together and i was in o'hare airport at do you watch the housewives. I watched the real housewives salt lake city. Okay well. I can't wait for it to start some just about to start. I can't believe this is the famous mimi kyle. And then she's pulling taylor and there's a cat at the end of the dinner table like a popular meeting with the whitecaps. That's like sounds familiar. So it's like a popular me. And this a store at the airport with the purse with that niemand and iran. And i said how much and she goes two hundred. I'll take it and she goes. You're a good friend. I do you ever worry about money. Yeah when i paid my amex. Yeah i worry about it all the time i were real actually know the problem is i. Don't worry about it or think about it. But the pandemic fucked me so hard. And i had to get rid of my apartment. I was living month to month. It was so stressful. As i've really learned i've learned but you're buying three hundred dollar dress. I haven't learned it all out to dinner. I'm getting seven dollar. Is coffee cold bruise. I lost the necklace. I went and bought another one of the same kinds. I bought this phone. Yeah i bought the this sticker mary. Kay and ashley seven dollars. I got a seven dollar sticker. I just like i'll. I got a hotel in new york for two days. That's salim wonderful. I mean i guess like you. Say seven dollar cold bruce. I guess like if if that counts. I will a few times a week by myself. A decent cold brew Before this podcast. But like i justify my mind. I'm like well. I'm about to record the podcast. I need caffeine. I want to enjoy it. I'll go to collage coffee. It's my favorite coffee and spent five dollars. Craig okay this is good to now. There's maybe one little thing. I'm willing to spill. I'll i'm going to have to color my grays. I'm going to go get my nails. Done the sweet click. i'm just. I'm constantly spending nonstop no matter what and i'll find new like this. I like twelve of these. If i can't find the coma by another one and this is one. I two or three my suitcase. Because i went to stay at my best friend's house in new york and she had to combs that i left there from the previous trips so i just need to follow behind you closely and i'm probably going to get some nice item eventually as you drop it or forget it. That's my new shopping philosophy. Just follow liza around town. You're like i'm just looking at it for it since it's truly am that's out but you know i had a nice thrifty shopping experience. Recently i went to old navy and they had some quality products. I loved my old navy. Time yeah. I bought dresses bathing suits and took. My niece bought her some dresses. So was this like an a new turn to old navy or do you go there frequently. Because i feel like people may have dropped off with old navy then returned. Maybe they've changed their philosophy. I haven't been all navy in a decade. I would say okay. And i was by the hotel and my hometown and i want good old navy. See what's up. And then i was like. Oh my god. I've always had trouble with old navy. Because i'm a i'm a very basically child sized adult and their men's clothes are not they. Don't go to my side. So i always end up in like i kinda sloppy in an old navy clothing item feel. I feel left out at an old navy where that's a great place to feel out of place. You don't wanna feel at home in all navy but where do you mostly shop for clothes. Where will i go. I go to thrift stores. I will go. I'll buy like basic shirts h. m. or a target that basically covers it. I guess anywhere where you can get a shirt for roughly ten dollars. I'm not coming across well on this. Podcast i just sound likes completely miserable person. No you sound totally fine. And you're going to be able to retire retire into just total lack of enjoyment. Now you'll be able to relax and finally spend the little money or you know when the shit hits the fan you're gonna grab your passport and you're going to have enough cash to leave. Get the fuck outta here. So don't be bad way open. Get the next show is. Is there anything left that needs to be said about this now. Gene water hope. Of course i'm gonna use. The big bram is hard but it does feel cool. You hold the cat back. it's just like It's like drinking from a waterfall. Yeah well i will say i just recently. Well i can't sad got into but i'm about to get into rock climbing. I'm going to get a rock climbing membership carribean or. That will help this. I'll fit right in the gym. Nobody will know the wiser What people say. But i'm going to look like brag mountain climbing in high school rock. Climb like a class yet. For one of the electives was rock climbing and lag if we had a rock climbing wall yeah did you enjoy it. No i actually. Didn't i was not good at it. I threatened to a girl. And then i had to earn her. Trust back if i wanted to pass the class and then also everyone everyone in the class could climb this net. And i just couldn't get to the top of this like oh no. I had a really rough go and mountain and rock climbing what you threaten girl like. I'm gonna pull you off of the wall or i'm going to let you follow your death. What are we talking about remember. There was an issue. Okay let me get into this spaghetti. Okay oh i'm beyond thrilled. What the are these stickers. Yeah there. And i've never known how to say this character's name and these may there may be hello kitty or something in here but so i'm just saying is a karachi corrode either but i love him and it's all it's all karolyi. I loved at elementary school. I had a little pencil case. With caro- there was also penguin named bats. Meru who i also love. He was more of the bad boy but karobi was my original love. I go you go on. No i want to know why you sent these because it feels like looked into my past. Somehow i didn't i love crappy to i went to high school with a lot of pacific islanders and like taiwanese and they just had like the coolest fucking san rio stephan. I love san rio. Of course hello. Kitty is to add. Or no. And i thought what the green water bottle would be it. But i had no idea that you caro- p like i did i. I'm going to pull out of this on my water bottle. I'm going to put this thing. I have so many. I can put them on every item. My own is. This is like a pack of fifty karolyi listener. Who is it's the little frog who spreads with hello kitty and the rest of the gang. He's very cute and always seems to be up to something. I'm looking at one right now. He's got a crown and sceptre and then the other one is just kind of smiling meekly but there are so many here and a san rio. Yeah i actually interviewed for a job there in high school and i i remember my cellphone went off during the interview which i imagine led to me not getting the job but i really ploy headquarters but the now i realize as a teen who is the standard i was interviewing for the ceo position of san rio. I had just touched down in tokyo. And my cell phone went off during the interview. And so they just sent back. there is other ones. There was like choco dog. Poco poco sounds right pocket or chaka. There were so many. I feel like hello. Kitty had like kind of a twin there. Because i just watched The toys that made us. And i watched the. Hello kitty episode. Oh was a good. I love knowing the history of i watched the my little pony. I watched all the girly toys. I didn't really care about gi. Joe or legos. It's a nice adventure and it'd be like it. There's one called like this pop. Music episodes all about swedish producers and swedish hits and why sweden comes without with so many hits. Oh i've got to watch that. But what did you learn from the center your documentary. It's like tiny gift. Lots of joy is how translates to or something. Because i guess in japan. It's like really cute like customer to give little cute things to people sure. So this guy's like i'm gonna make cute shit and sell it and but there's ups and downs of their mouth but she's not catch. She's a girl her name's like he's a girl she's not any which way she's like a girl that looks like a kit and she's not a cat that's why she does girly thing. She likes the piano and then like they and like the boom and they lost money and then they came back and now i mean hello. Kitty is here to stay. That's gonna look like if you were to put a vessel underground for the future. I hello kitty would make it well. I absolutely agree. I feel like hell. Achilles popularity is cyclical like every maybe five ten years that becomes extremely popular is everywhere then kind of quiets down but it doesn't ever fully go away because i think everyone loves hello kitty whether they admit it or not. Yeah i would get attached to you. Honestly i i wanted to be one but i was like i i yeah i want i have too many trademarked items already but do love that but i also it's the same thing with like i'm wearing my tiffany's bracelet from back in the day. The coaches back. Like i just think our crew were in their thirty year in her thirties. Yes everything. Our parents didn't let us by. We get to buy it now. It's back and we're just living our teenage years again. This is what i'll say about thousands coming back. There are some fun things but then there's also the trauma of middle school. It's like the wide leg jeans. The new metal these kind of things. I don't want to ever see these things again. I felt like culture popular culture in particular really bottomed out from basically one thousand nine hundred eighty two about two thousand three so to me. That's the height of my let. Spice girls britney spears. The backstreet boys legally blonde mean girls. These are the things. I care about your naming the good things that were fun. But then you think about kid. Rock limp biscuit corn wide leg jeans oversized camouflage shirts. What are we talking bowl cuts. bleached frosted tips. I could go on. I could tell. Did you ever go to the zoo. Cts no i've never been in a gad's oops was that kind of spencer's like the. Abbot spencer's but clothing. Because i remember. I bought pants and my parents sent me back to return them. Your parents worked about what you were. They were not about to let me wear gothic pants. I don't think they were strict that that took them over the line. I rave pants with the super wise. They're like you're not dragging around these weird pants. And i thank them for that but lately my parents have been shading me a little bit because they want me to wear heels again. Watch them separately. Were like so you don't even wear heels anymore like used to wear heels. Oh how things have changed mike. Your heels are down our heels out as far as fashion goes right now. No no people are out there. Club people are wearing heels. I'm i'm gonna wear a dita's with short skirts like idol. I'm gonna wear sneakers. You're going to be comfortable. Yes i'm filming something. Fancy on television. I'll throw on a boot healed platform wearing. I'm not it's feminine. I'm not being uncomfortable in any way. Do you think your parents got together. And we're like we're concerned about leases. He'll use like. Why are they both thinking about that. Anyway they just like have traditional gender things in their head what things should be. And i'm kind of like they're not there night they like me but i'm just like i think. Tattoos and sneakers confused them. Sure ninety percent of the time. So i'm like does this not count for anything i'm addressing. Girl told them to lay off. I mean nobody wants to. I mean how. Many people wear heels regularly. It's my dad will do that. He'll bring up funny like maybe you can wear this on stage. You should do a tour where your parents dress you for the entire thing but like my mom photos we were going through but it was like i was wearing my patent ladder like fake patent leather hot pink aldo heels. Like tiny little like. That's not happening. That sounds completely uncomfortable. I had one experience with aldo. Where they sold me a shoe. That was so uncomfortable than the customer. Service was horrible. I vowed never to return. That was two thousand six. So remember i remember i remember although i will i will. It'll be the last thing i think about as i go to the grave all think. What horrible customer service aldo had dr. Though that's the circuit city of it. All if you pay people ally and they are passionate or they they will be motivated to learn about the products and be better but your salesforce is just like teens. And you're paying six seven dollars. You're yeah you're not getting good service. It's a little bit the in and out where their their Employees are all very nice and do a good job. Because i guess they pay them all right. Yeah cosco an in and out. I hear good things just common sense common here. No it's not. It's the capitalists rulemakers always see. This is logic like they don't see it's their own. They think their beliefs are logic. Tough to penetrate. Well and once everything crumbles beneath them. They'll just move onto the next job to do it. They don't care they don't. They're just sociopaths for being held hostage by sociopath really are. It's a scary time lesson. I nailed it with the stickers. I am so beyond through that. I'm so glad. I mean bless hello kitty blessed the gang but i'm i'm basically in it for karachi michelle. I had a little money bank with pets. Meru who is sitting on top of a pile of coins. I probably. it's probably still in my house from like sixth grade but that was my one my one step outside of the karolyi world. Okay we have to play a game. Do you wanna play a game called gift or a curse or there's a game called gift master while gift her curse. I do on the annual instagram. I play the game show right right so i've played your claim. So but what is the other one gift. Master is a game where i give you. It's you don't you can't win or lose as much. I tell you three types of gifts three items this sort of thing and in three celebrities who you would give them to and you tell me Who would give what and why. I like that. I like that. I mean i kind of want to play both. But i mean we could do. We could play. I mean we could record a four hour. Podcast here if you like. The listener is screaming. Richer get off the microphone. But let's start with gift master and if we're in the mood for another game okay. It's our life kief master ready. I need a number between one and ten seven. Okay i have to do some light calculating right now. You have the microphone. You can recommend you can promote. You can do whatever you want. I'll be right back okay. Great So i have a podcast called. That's messed up. An svu podcast. It's on the exactly right network recently. I've enjoyed white lotus. I thought that was great. Written by mike white who was on survivor. Which i recommend a lot new season starting this fall and september I would recommend do. I have nothing i mean. I watched clueless on the plane. I okay thank god. I've ran out of recommended that might now. I wanna talk about all those things but again we have to. We just started watching survivor for the first time. I'm only twenty dollars behind. I'd kind of media welcome. White lotus is so good and of course. That's messed up. Everyone should listen to okay. This is how the game works. i'm gonna name. I basically explained already. But i'm gonna name three gifts. I'm going to name three celebrities. You're gonna tell me which gift you'd give which celebrity and why. So here we go. The gifts are going to be giving today our number one ankle length hair so hair that goes all the way to the person's ankles. It's a new look for them number two a water softener so that i actually can't quite explain. I put it in the list. I know it does something to your water As far as i know it's a better than hard water. But i don't know the difference between from like zest. Commercial was that the green so plagued. They always used to like not hard water the soap brands because he couldn't get enough. But i imagine it's better for your skin or something. I don't know and then finally the third gift you'll be giving today is olympic fever. So you'll be giving the person kind of the thrill of wanting to watch the olympics. Well you like to know this. I saw robin roberts on my flight this week. Oh you're kidding and she was wearing. Us olympic merch top to bottom. She's got permanent olympic fever. Yeah that's an interesting move for her and for the entire plane as everybody gets the kind of going on there. The woman in front of me was googling. Gale and i had to be like it's not gale. Which did you tell the person. Of course not but like i would love to hear from the seat behind me. It's not gail bitch if anyone ever talks to me on a plane that's the only thing you're allowed to say de okay. These are the three celebrities. You'll be giving the gifts to number one. Lizardo who i think is probably gearing up for a new album or something. She's been out of the limelight for minute. She's back number. Two dr oz number. Three logan paul. Now this is Do you know who. Logan paul is i i. I know who's part of the paul group. I picture kind of scary looking area and youtube star. Actually he was on an episode of law and order. Svu oh you're kidding. What did he play. He played an in cell. Who gamer. gay guy who kidnaps Woman who makes video games and does bad thing that oh well then you. You've got a decent idea of who he is them. I'm gonna give him ankle length hair immediately. 'cause i'm sick of him boxing. I'm sick of them making a mockery of the sport. I'm sick of this nonsense. And i feel ankle length hair. He would not be able to fight in a range. I would love to see logan paul tripping around the boxing ring over his own hair just shimmering hair. Yeah so i'm trying to get him out of the game very good laser accuracy with that one. And then i'm gonna give lizardo olympic fever because i think she would be fun to watch the events with like i would love to be in the stands of a swimming competition with her gymnastics anywhere. I think we'd have a good time eating popcorn. Watching the games so selfishly. I'd want her to have olympic fever. And then i would watch the game with her. The games with her that makes sense. I feel like i could see her performing at an opening ceremony playing the flute. I feel like she's got olympic energy to begin with. Yeah i been in our lifetime. If the olympics don't get cancelled took is. Yeah i think should be able to perform their one year for the show right right and then i guess i'm giving doctor ause a soft water machine. Because he's a health night he would love it and it's a generic gift that you didn't put much thought into because i don't care about him right. I think that makes perfect sense. You like health here. I found this bad about them beyond the gift for seats attached. I can imagine he's going to some point circle around too hot water or soft water machines and try to you know kind of hawk. Those is the new solution to something. He's always got something that doesn't quite work for what actually the the actual problem is. I can see him going with soft. Water is like this will cure cancer. What have you. That was a fun game. Yeah it is a fun game. And i appreciate you saying that. There's a home version listener. The listeners should know. I made a home version of the game that you can buy online and it's delightful entrepreneurial spirit now lisa. I mean we've never played two games on this podcast before. Do you wanna play another. Yes i would like to go for some sort of record. We do have to answer at least one listener message. Do you have the time. I have the time. Okay we're gonna play gift or curse. This is truly unprecedented. And i am thrilled beyond belief. I need another number from you between one and ten i to do another classic number and go three okay. We're going to. I'm going to do this quickly. Because you know. Clumping menace. Ming a menez demanding. But you know you don't get what you don't ask for and sometimes you gotta ask him like. I want a few games because i love games but in social situations when you're like. Is anyone ready for heads up yet. People get so upset okay. I've done an excellent job. Okay this is how giftware curse works. I'll name a thing you tell me. If it's a gift or a curse and why there are correct answers you can win or lose this game or get a you know a bad grade. Okay so this the stakes of suddenly ratcheted up to a level. That's going to cause you a great deal of stress. Okay number one gift or a curse gravy gravy gravy as in the sauce category. That's usually i feel like most people think of gravy as maybe a brown fatty thing. Yes i think. It's i think it's a gift. Why well if something isn't taste. Good you can wedded up. Make it better anything. that's greasier. Fatty is delicious. I didn't grow up with it. And for years i'd be like gravy. No gravy no gravy and then once it snuck in. You're like this is nice liza. You're right of course. I can't remember the last time i had gravy. But you put that on mashed potatoes. You put it on thanksgiving. You've got the gravy also gravy can reach is far as a tomato sauce. A lot of italians called the red sauce gravy. So i love gravy and i have nothing bad to say about it. It's never it's so infrequently in my life that i can't complain that it's like too much gravy. The word gravy alone is indicates. Good things too much. I love it. And i like a gravy boat. Oh of course items demand their own little boat. I feel like every every food should have a boat agreed bread boat. You should have your cheeseboat. The table should be littered with boats. But i can't get everything. I want and things case obote incredible to just poor case over whatever you want. I'm getting hungary good grief case. There's another wonderful thing okay. You've got one soap far next up. This is a listener suggestion. Someone named mackenzie has written in and suggested platform sneakers gift or a curse platform sydney ker. But not the elevated wedge ones like a platform that sounds like yeah almost worth ginger spice gift gift gift well i love ginger spice i of a platform i hate a wedge sneaker but the converse platform yet be a little taller become troll but it's a little dressed up and the spice girls. They've done nothing wrong. Like what about breaking up. It was frustrating. But it's like victoria beckham. Maybe we just needed that clothing line and she had so many fucking kids. I mean she has so many kids. Vicky work yes. How many kids four. Oh four or five kids. Wow that's a decent amount of kids for a spice girl at brooklyn cruise. Romeo harper. I think the ad for she is a menace with those names. Okay vicki reach out i. That's the thing she did brooklyn before. Everyone like pushing set right. Has she ever been to brooklyn. Is the big. I think those stories they he was conceived in brooklyn. And that's interesting. i'm making that up. I mean i hope you are spending a little lie about old vicky be. I'm scared that i didn't get a point on this one. Well nothing to be scared of you got it right. I think a platform sneaker come in and out of style. When they're in style they look great. Everyone loves them when they're out of style. They look hilarious. Everyone loves them. There's like i don't see any problem. There's no downside with the platform secret. I would love to as a short person. Maybe i need a pair yes. This is another listener of suggestion from someone named lizzie Gift or a curse staying in an airbnb in an international location Gift and why Well i bet it's cheap like if you go to puerto rico or the bahamas or somewhere like a real housewife and get an airbnb right on the right on the water you get privacy. Maybe an outdoor shower. It's nice. I can't imagine it not being nice. I was in edinburgh. I stayed for a month and a lovely apartment with emi block neck and felt it felt naive. I think it's i understand where this person might be coming from where it's like we're in england and the two sinks are like things are friend or something shitty and we don't have the language to discuss it with this person but yes my sister and her family. They stayed in this beautiful place. It's adventurous. i'm been down for adventure and house. Yes yes gift. Liza i now i know you got it. It's a gift. I think this kind of goes into my platform shoe logic. Sometimes it is a bad situation. We did go to london and stayed with a woman named la bet and it was a disaster. Her friend died while we were staying with her. She was extremely drunk. There is a family. probably eight in the room next to ours. All smokers ants. It was it was not as advertised. Labatt had a full emotional breakdown while we were there. You had a white lotus moment. It was an experience. It was a total white load. Like i'll remember labatt for the rest of my life. and then i went to japan exclusively in airbnb. They were so much cheaper. And you get to stay in the neighborhoods. It's nice. I mean look you got to. Of course you have to be careful. And but even if you're a little loosey-goosey you'll end up with maybe a little bit and you'll get to experience at the owner of an airbnb grief and you challenged year relationship happen. You come out stronger of course so it's really a. I mean a win win no matter what you do lisa. You've just become the only the third winner in. I said no gifts history to win. Gift or a curse. Am i in good company. You're in very good company you've got naomi paragon. Wow she was the original winner than i. Unfortunately i'm forgetting number two. It's okay that person. God bless him. Naomi's fine that's exciting. Yes she nailed it some some people. Just get it and listener as lease. Look at me just promoting on the instagram. You can go play you post your own things the attack. I said no gifts and we all get to vote on them. It's a delightful instagram game. Put up the things that you want to see. If it's a gift to rehearse and will vote. I hope that was a good explanation. I don't like to explain things. Finally we're gonna move on now. We've taken a lot of time here. Lisa generous with your time. We're going to do. We got to help the public. This is called. I said no emails people right into is no gives it gmail.com with their gift questions. You know they're general questions about manners this kind of thing and i tried to talk them through it. My guest tries to talk them through it and then we ultimately succeed. So let's do a short one here because we have taken a lot of time. And the you know the first one i've got dialed up here is literally like it. Looks like a book proposal. there fifty paragraphs. I can't read that right now. We're going to do this. Nice short one and this is maybe the shortest one i've ever seen says hi bridgier. My parents helped me Twenty-six move sr in parentheses twenty-six. She her move recently. I would like to give them a gift to show appreciation for all the help looking to spend around fifty to one hundred dollars. Best a fan. Now she's left her name out so she won't Apparently this is a sensitive subject. Because she doesn't want mom and dad to find out that she's reaching out to podcasts for gift help. And that's fine. She's twenty-six she's Living it up the parents of what you give this what you give them. Fifty to one hundred has a great price. And usually i'm very anti gift certificate but i think with parents like money to a nice restaurant in the neighborhood a dinner. Al like maybe theater tickets to a local production. I don't know what's happening in the world with covert and stuff but because parents don't want like i'm thinking it might be cute like i remember one time someone did movie tickets snacks and little things like i like Maybe an experience. Maybe bunch of breads cheeses something to enjoy that parent. But i don't know them. But that's what i'm that's that was my that my initial instincts but i will keep thinking while you think. That's a really nice initial. Thank you instinct. Where it's just something they got to enjoy airs out. You know you hopefully know mom. And dad's preferences as far as food goes or their theater preferences this kind of thing all that said i say split right down the middle get them each a gift card to super cats they can go get matching haircuts. That's just top of my head so that's look you've got two options already but i keep thinking i'm edible. They're like partier if they're like to get down a bottle of something see now cheers to you guys. And they moved her out of her play. You know it's like enjoy this or some edibles if they like to party in that way to write a bottle of something. That's very is a nice traditional. Thank you gift and then for me for my mom. I don't know if this is a data like i always I love the store coming soon. Like a really chic fine. How swear or a game they could play together backgammon and then they can learn backgammon together. Oh no no. You're hitting on something interesting. Which is there's you know. There's probably going to be a little bit of coldness at home. Mom and dad have probably grown apart over the years and suddenly the daughter has gone missing and they have to deal with each other so a game or something that can kind of bring them together in a nice way. Look here's me promoting again. send them gift master. Yes i game and then if they're gonna spend time at home like one of those heated foot massage your things only heated foot massage. Her neck like a thing massage while they sit in silence of and think about how their marriage has fallen is falling apart day by day. What about sending them a cardboard cutout of you. That's kitschy thing i missing. You're missing me. And they can put it wherever they want. It's a sensitive thing for me because my axe did send me a car. Cardboard cutout herself when she couldn't make it to my birthday and then dumped me about nine days later. Oh you're kidding. That's a weird move so i had this giant cut cardboard while she was like i'm over this. What did you do with the cardboard. i was in new york now. I don't know who her friend took it. Or who has it. Or if it's in the i have no idea. I hope it's decomposing somewhere. Yeah that's a real weird. Move eight nine days out from a break-up to send that that it's like you've i mean it. It takes a lot of time and effort. I imagined to get a cardboard cutout of yourself. Obviously the break-up was on your mind unless it was a split like last second decision. No she prize. She decided i got us a hotel room. It was like over eight hundred. And i like at the wife is gorge you doing. The whole whole wall is glass. You see all of manhattan. it's gorgeous. It's where she decided to be like. Is this really going to work. And i'm not in the room devastate. Don't do it here but anyway yeah so that might be A game foot massage. Your options are almost endless with parents. Who i can. I have already assumed have grown tired of each other. I like the cardboard cutout harper cutouts framed thing or yeah that's like cheesy parent though like a framed thing of the family together on right. How about just a nice photo of yourself to hang on the fridge. Not fifty to one hundred dollars though. Well i'm talking about one hundred dollar photo. The for some reason. It costs one hundred dollars. Either you got ripped off or it's printed on gold's maybe it's a magnet bridge magnet with you on it. That's just a tiny thing that goes along with the food or the theater tickets their food or even just like a sexy ass food basket with delicious things like who doesn't like to open a basket me like oh yum yum yum. Like course that's always fun. I feel like that's the go-to you know of. Course the super cuts gift cards are always there. If you can't find anything else. I hate the auria pedicures. That's good. Oh maybe unless like an art museum or botanic garden. Very nice you are. You're doing everything in your power to save this marriage and i'm out here just trying to continue to push them apart. Hey you're trying to find. That's like i just want to give her enough option. I'm looking at my bart. Simpson cookie jar a cookie jar of like a thing they like is i like i love. I don't i surprisingly. Don't own a cookie jar. Good cookie jar. There harry gamut. I have a one hundred one dollars from one too. But it's not. My parents said there used to be cookie jar store in chicago. Oh i would've loved to visit that. Got my flintstones. I mean i was there i. I loved the creature story. Get your parents a cookie jar. Everyone should get everyone in their life a cookie jar. A fun thing to get. Yeah oh and you know what just to be cheesy a build. A bear do a little message cinema song this a fan. I wish you had sent your name But that's okay we're talking to you. We're talking to your parents and yeah lease a. I've had such a fantastic time. Thank you it's hard to go. And now i'm just like coffee. Table books pajamas. Matching pajamas as as soap is good though. Oh that's a great gift that no one's ever given to me. I don't know what that says about my budget telling people five hundred dollars or more gift has got to be extremely expensive. Because i do like to follow rules when it comes to that but it is like get some as up soap in the mix. I need how. Do i get a billionaire on this podcast. You've that's my next celebrities. You had like kate blanchett or tony like you had someone whereas amazon wonderful tom. Sorry but i'm talking billionaire and there are only a few of them. But i've gotta get one of these assholes on my podcast and they've got to give me a car or a house. That's money went from luxury soap to a car real quick. How do i get someone on here so wealthy that buying me a car or house is just like nothing. My question you like gaga gaga net flicks dock. Five foot. no look. I haven't watched the documentary. I'm you know i could take earlier. Okay so she's driving to meet up with mark ronson who's like a producer. Yes super produce. She goes in and says oh. I hate your car. Sorry and it's like i gotta know like. Did she pay for it did she. Just send a gift. Did she take the cars he rich too. So he's like i got it. Don't worry i don't give a shit. Were about to get numbers. I just like what happened after she hit his car. That's wild. I need to know the end of that store one day. Hopefully i can ask one day. Well hopefully one. She's on this podcast. Despite the fact that. I just said i could take our reliever and she gives me a car gaga. Reach out okay. Well this last year. I have had such a wonderful time and i've gone to useful gifts. I'm just beyond beyond thrilled. Do you like to swim. I love to swim. I wish i had swimming pool. I'll again billionaire. Come out on the podcast rent this pool in the neighborhood one day where you can rent a pool in the neighborhood yeah. It's not even that much. I have a special link. That's not like an app and we. I've been liz. He's been with me. Goes on this pool. And there's a hot tub to we've got okay and i'll come swing in with my new water bottle. Yes it's going to be a thrill yes listener. You're not invited. I'm sorry but This is the end of the podcast. And i hope you've had as good of a time as we have. And if you haven't. I don't know maybe it wasn't you know. Maybe this just wasn't working for you today and i hope you don't hold it as a get. Hold it against us. I hope that you return next week with a whole with the whole family. Bring the family. Next time i love you take care of yourself. Be careful what you need to do. Goodbye i said. No gifts isn't exactly right. Production it's produced and engineered by our dear friend on a leash nelson and the theme song is by miracle. Worker amy man. You must follow the show on instagram at. I said no gifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts. I'm getting you have to see the gifts. Listen and subscribe on apple podcasts. Stitcher or wherever you found me and why not leave a review. While you're there it's really the least. You could do considering everything i do for you. And if you're interested in advertising on the show go to mid roll dot com slash ads and missiles perfectly clear. I guess home and spurs sta me.

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E230 A Cauldron of Mac and Cheese and Sugar Free Gummy Bear Consumption

And That's Why We Drink

1:42:42 hr | 4 months ago

E230 A Cauldron of Mac and Cheese and Sugar Free Gummy Bear Consumption

"That's messed up in. Svu podcast is hosted by comedians and law and order special victims unit super fans charac link and liza traeger each week. They take you through an episode of svu. Do a deep dive into the true crime. It's based on and then chat with an actor from the episode. So far they've interviewed beatty wong margaret. Show wycliffe john lou. Diamond phillips diane neal and more interviewing beatty wong is one of my personal fit. You hear me hesitate. Because i had to process it. I was like on my heart. Wait one second there. Look as has been on for twenty two seasons. But you don't have to be caught up this podcast for watchers like me. Entry cram fans alike even. If you don't watch the show these ladies have you covered so if you like. Spa or true crime. Funny women are hot. Takes on harte's hair. This is the podcast for you and us. That's messed up. In as few podcast is a comedic. True crime podcast. You never knew you needed to your life with new episodes every tuesday. That's messed up on exactly right now. So listening subscribe. Wherever you get your podcasts. I am so excited to tell you about missouri. They make fine jewelry for everyday minus the traditional ten times markups. I've been buying jewelry from misery for. Actually a while now and eva was just showing me that she got these adorable ear climbers and she said she hasn't even taken them off since they got here. They are so cute. Best of all pieces. are fairly. Priced handcrafted ethically sourced and made to last visit misery dot com slash. Drink for ten percent off your first order. That's m. e. j. u. r. i. dot com slash drink for ten percent. Off your first order. I know a lot of us kind of forgot how it'd be social during twenty twenty She's me but in my opinion the best way to get back into the swing of things is to play a murder mystery with your friends. Hunter killer gives you the opportunity to have fun where together and investigate crime without ever having even leave. The house with each delivery will sift through piles of documents evidence audio recordings in case files. It has absolutely become my go-to move. When i have people over or even just one a night in right now you can go to hunter killer dot com slash drink and drink for twenty percents off your first box again make. Cd's drink for a twenty percent discount. Do you have what it takes to hunt a killer. Welcome to episode two thirty of and that's why we drink i'm christine and that's m. and today is the anniversary according to facebook of when had me you let me be geos plus one down the puppy red carpet to the cafe the dog. Oh my god what was it again. It was a dog comedy. Show yeah i used to work for two girls when pup lead comedy shows with dogs could you. Do you know what that also means. Today is the anniversary of the time he had diarrhea my bathroom because you fed them too many on my bed. Because you've fed them too many franchise interesting. Today is also the anniversary of allison's in my facebook friendship twelve year strong we at each other. And we're like. Hey do you wanna what coat you. Want to coordinate. Thousands like two a coordinate bedspreads. And i was like And then she was like sorry. My my sister made me ask you that. I don't wanna do it either. Okay now that. I know that i'm going to go to her. Sister later and be like so like in college coordinate relief so she did. It was so funny. Oh yeah carry was like. That's what you do what you anyway. Sure and then. I was like mom. What do we do we already bought my bedspread for my kia and my mom's like please just say no. I wouldn't be friends well. It worked out for everyone right now. Everyone in this conversation. We're mostly you. I'm glad years ago it was already in the mix that eventually. Wow well the so. I guess there's a lot of reasons. I drink today. Thank you for bringing up the memory of gio having some intestinal issues distress on my bed. why do you drink this weekend. why do i drink. Oh man i had an answer now. Oh i got christine. What today guess what was announced. It will be so In the past by the time this upset comes out but in the moment guess who is going to be first of all. What's my favorite show. That i dream of being on one day. You're stressing me out Oh hot ones yes. And who is the woman. I'm in love with it is not alison. Something olsen yes. She's going to be on hot ones. Oh my favorite person on my favorite show citing am hyperventilating about it and very you be drinking away. I'm gonna. I literally promise for an entire week minimum. We'll be watching it on loop. I'll have every answer. Memorize i am so excited. Wow okay. I'm excited for you. Thank you julie. I'm excited for miss elizabeth. I'm i hope that. She does eliza as well lizzy as the friends call her apparent losing is. We're not there yet. got it okay. Only in my dreams anyway. That's why i drink so it's a good reason this time and also i drink because ten minutes ago or as other people will know a week ago. Ten minutes ago you ruined me with a really horribly Awful story. i'm so sorry about that by the way so really i know retroactive. We're recording to advance. But i know. I bummed everyone allen i apologize i also retroactively and also in hindsight because by the time this comes out you have to apologize after the fact. Isn't that the same word. It sure is. I guess just checking. I mean i don't know. I really don't know i'm just checking. Honestly what was going to say. I am not mentally prepared for you to ruin me twice in one day but here okay so maybe you should ask me. Why drink and i can tell you. I thought you drink because i gave your dog diarrhea. I did but reason actually prepared. Okay well i drink because one of my good friends actually. I found out not only has a sim version of me. That's existing on another planet but also apparently publicly plays the persona of me in a public forum. Yeah just had no idea. I don't even know. I'm so i don't know i mean. We never talked about. But i i ever told me i was. I supposed to know i have. I've said i'm streaming the sins. I we had never talked about it after that. This is what happened was what happened yesterday. Now this is what happened the whole time so well. Yesterday it all began yesterday when i was watching handmaid's tale with blaze on the couch and we were just know bummed out. It's really could it get worse and guess what it could and then i saw on instagram. There's a swipe up link. And i was like that's weird m doesn't usually do swipe up link so i swiped up and all of a sudden there's this video playing on youtube and see his face the corner and i'm like this is like a twitch stream like i don't know what this is and i'm watching and i'm like whoa cool. What does this little house. 'em's got going on the sims and there's a live chat and all of a sudden. I hear go christine. Just gonna leave that trash on the floor. I know her. And there's this lady. Walking around who looks a little suspiciously like me. And i was like excuse me i posit. Tv and places. Like what are you watching. And i was like. That's me and then. I see somebody in the comments go. Where's zach christina. Zach needed bubble wa and i was like. Is this so weird. like fan. Fiction of me and zach. I don't really and i was so taken aback. And then like i started commenting and you didn't notice for probably fifteen minutes that i was there and you have going on and on about like christine's going to do this. She's going to eat twelve servings of mac and cheese and i was giving you a dream world so no no i m facetime e. Well face i me and was like you knew. I was as i didn't know you're doing this because once you said you sent me a picture like three in the morning of me bald or something and said this is the same version of you but i thought you were doing that like by yourself. I didn't think this was like a public forum. No i with an audience. I i guess maybe i don't know i've i've talked about all the time on marble mondays i talk about. I don't go to mondays anymore. I used to every monday. But i talk about it on so many platforms and i think as just like how we were talking with eva. Hell like we all think we're always in the loop because we're always talking. We know things. I think just ships in the night. Just totally missed ya. I thought for sure you knew this whole time. No idea he knew about this. We would be discussing amethi. No i just thought totally totally like what is this. There's a whole and then there's a ghost of 'em and like i learned to 'em had this whole thing. Can you explain what this is like. People are like. I was digging. You explaining it without knowing felt totally. Know like my brother streams thing. So i assume it's something similar but i don't really get it on youtube i i don't do it on twitch. But how do you do that. Like how do you get it to play the sims while you're rj has the streaming programs and stuff. So i just use this computer for it okay. But it's like a third party thing and then Yeah no i made. The zach begins haunted mansion and i. This was kind of voted on originally. This started back when like wanda visas on. Because i started doing i was trying to make so in the show on division. She like builds a whole neighborhood. Like that's the whole story. That she made a wit a world. And so i was trying to make the world on sims and then when i was streaming at everyone was like you have to zach baguettes on a mansion and i was like oh okay i guess we're shifting complete gears here and so i started doing that and i was like i'll just put me and christine. Insect begins haunted mansion. And all of it came out of the minds of others who were watching these stream. I would have not come up with any of it on my own and people were like. Oh well now that you're at the mansion like there has to be a ghost like it has to be haunted share of course and then i was like okay. Well how do. I add a dose. And i haven't touched the simpson's murder somebody they literally were like. You have to kill one of them. And i was like well. I think it'd be funny. If christine zach lived alone in a house. So i i kill my sim. And they taught me how to do it. I literally last night. You know how to kill him. That's the only thing i know how to do on the out. Baby i had not played the simpsons. Two thousand one. So god like syms one everything hosoi talk. You really are. I was obsessed at nine. And then i never touched it again. You never drowned anyone in a pool without ladders. I have now. It was me. You must like an important part of childhood which was kind of like realizing that inner sociopath in all of us i know i will so i didn't so yeah i'm dead and then now there's a ghost attached to the house in weirdly enough the day that it apparently came full circle that now year in the loop on the haunted house. That was the day my ghost showed up for the first suddenly m.'s. Ghost appears and it looks just like 'em and all of a sudden it like peas all over the floor. And i'm like what is going on and zach. Mobbed up dan that i think somebody's to explain me why. The ghost is dripping everywhere. Because you drown yourself didn't you. Oh is that. Why if i died in a different way. Would i not be dripping there so i think i would fucking tell me that like four people told you that in the comments i was reading but when people told me that before i chose to die by water i would have chosen something else. Right didn't cause problems dripping water everywhere. That's your big issue that you drip ectoplasms zach was ready to mop it up. It's okay well anyway. yeah i so anyway. I do that after marvel mondays. And actually i'll just make the public announcement now. Because i said it lasts if never posted a link to this for like. I've never seen a group chat and let me know if you know about this because i feel like i'm like i'm like i'm like so shocked i didn't know but i'm like anybody. No i feel like no. I had said before like i was. I was training but not really talking about it because i didn't know how we're streaming me. I thought it was just like you were streaming live streaming the sims. What did you think i was going to create. It was only gonna be thing cow. Sorry but i know. I never really talked about it like on the show because i didn't want to have to commit to it if i decided it wasn't for me. We don't generally talk about should all day long and don't commit to it you know. How many patriot on things. We've attempted and then never followed through because well we're not good at it anyway. I want to say. I am probably actually going to only start doing that on mondays. And not even doing movie mondays anymore. Because our art internet is such fucking garbage. That for the last like six movie mondays in a row might internet's been kicked off and people have been set Have said it super laggy and stuff like that. So i think what i was doing is movie monday for an hour and then i was doing an hour of sims. And i'm just gonna do sense because you can all we can hang out there. And believe i mean i'm going to hang out now. I just had no idea eva. I need you to tell me the group if you knew about this. I'm waiting for your response. I'm just so stipe. Now i have no idea if i ever told eva i have no clue. I spent an hour yesterday. Just watching this going like what is that. There's a whole world. I will say i don't i. Don't do anything bad to you. Which i think you should appreciate. I like a lot of people have wanted me to do. Make whoopie option with you. Every time i say no no. No all i'm going to do is referring to a woo. Hoo but yeah. I'd like to not participate in that. Thank you know. I make you eat a lot of mac and cheese. I also i encourage you because there was a few times where you were super sad. So i brought you over to the mirror and i made you give yourself a pep talk. Okay wait first of all the funniest and was like yeah. Oh my god. So i didn't know i was there lurking in the audience. I mean i'm screaming in the comment the mdc that. But i'm working in the audience for lack of a better word. And i just here go man. Christine's been so depressed. That i died. And i'm like what's weird life and this created but then we faced. I'm really world christine. You're iraq okay. This is the first day you're finally coming back into normalcy the first day from your grief the first day since i made this back in whenever wanda vision was around and then it quickly changed into his access. You've been sad every monday. Since then like cannot get out of bed said and i was like broke it together like and that the day you show up in real life as a day that like your personality comes back and then and then the ghost of you came back and we reunited and m.'s options on the sims where like for the ghost to like gossip complain to each other complain about problems gossip and like tell a joke about aliens it was like so on brand and then went to see what zach could do with the ghost and it was like tell joke about barnacles and we were like what the fuck zach zach thing anyway. But it's yeah. So i also i'm really bad at it so i don't tell i don't mention it a lot like publicly anyway because like i don't know what i'm doing i don't wanna get screaming up by people who know what they're doing so it's very much be just being very confused in anxiety. Ridden the whole time and this was actually the first time i've ever actually played the sims before this every other streaming has been trying to build the things you showed up on the first day. We were playing. What okay like. I'm totally taken aback. Well i wanted to invent something. Where i now go back and watch all the series and live comment. It's really boring. But i you can do. Maybe maybe i'll do the ones now that are like more storytelling. That's going to be more fun for you. Okay maybe other ones. I really just meeting frenzied. Not being able to figure out which lamp one didn't know i was there. I was laughing so hard. Because like you there and you're just going on about. Christine is over here over there. And i was like. Does 'em like not okay. It was just so trippy is all. I'm going to say. So at zach big house. I have made the. I made a cemetery. Outside and underneath a cemetery is actually a dungeon Seance room and then also speakeasy into a haunted bar and a dream. I bought the paranormal packs abuse a bunch of paranormal stuff. And i saw this big culture and i was like. Oh that shit is gonna rock my world. In the seance room. And so i had christine. Go down to the seance room. And i wanted her to like make potions with the culture and but if you click on it the only option is make mac and cheese and i was like wow so christine throughout the entire like twenty person culture and it's is cheese and it was like excuse me. I just gave you twelve servings of mac and cheese. And i was like okay. You're ready shouldn't complain. This is the best life his. I've never done anything whether or not you were there. I have only given you the best life. So you're i do appreciate that 'cause if i were in charge i would've fucked you overlook by accident not be you go slow long time ago and i would have done it like an worse than a pool. I don't know anyway. I guess now. I'm publicly announcing that. If you'd like to watch my streams sorry to listen. I'm not saying this. I'm just saying. This is why i drink because i sat there screaming. Like are you listening to this. And he's like. What are you watching. And i was like. I don't know i wasn't trying to be secretively to you already. I just just not saying. Get like out. Like on the show. Because i i didn't. I didn't know what i was doing. But now once that you did but you said it so nonchalantly like noncommittal that i know but i just kind of assumed like oh well. It's not a real thing like i just assumed i didn't even know that it was featuring like it just was so trippy anyway. Clearly point isotopes. Imagine what listen. I'm doing what what'd you d. I'm just assuming has been. I'm assuming has been the bathroom. Because i keep screaming texas eva. If you're there. Can you tell me if you knew about this If you knew about this Sims world created for me and zach and m.'s. ghost. Because if so i'm gonna feel like i missed something major and i'm just the pri- it was something where i say it in front of you and us weren't listening girl like anything but you mentioned it so non like you were like. Oh i did this once. But i like. I don't know. I don't think i'll ever like you said it's not ever and i didn't think it was like a regular. I assume if it happened you'd be like oh christina making you in this world and i would like know about it but now here either says sorry. I was totally in the bathroom. I think m mentioned in passing. But i didn't realize it still ongoing and built out this much. Yes okay. that's what it was. I was a little worlds my little secret. I guess sorry charlie. I don't know what to tell you. But no i'm am. I feel so honored. I was like wow. I'm eating mac and cheese in this. Like other alternate reality. That i just happened to stumble upon by the way christine. You know what. I did find out last night after you made a guest appearance on my stream. I didn't even know you how to youtube like. I'm so new to all this. Okay sorry only someone made lemon for you. So they're lemon character. That will cyber classy comments. This is why you didn't want me there. I really really your from one fucking second and others a lemon sim. That anyone m.'s. Ghosh's peeing all over the floor and there's a lemon sin. This is actually my best case scenario so anyway. I'm sorry you didn't know. I'm sorry i didn't know it's way better. This way assembled upon. It wasn't meant to be anything like that. I just don't know try and says not talk about it like to the masses. And did you did a good job. I guess the trickled all the way down to you. So sorry i just. I was so stunned to find myself. Eating mac and cheese out of a call with zach begins. And i was like you wear. Am i right now. I don't know how much time you got to level three as a piano player piano. I took a picture actually to send you. And then i got completely distracted that you showed up so i never even sent it to you. Here is okay eve. I'm so glad it's not just me. I felt really dumb but also like okay proof that like. I thought that you knew. Because i planned on sending these pictures okay. So here's the skin. Even cauldron of mac and cheese is now the name of the episode problematic. Because i'm pretty sure. Last week's episode is going to be named something like the mac and cheese mansion or mac and cheese house or whatever. Clearly brand tell me if you got that picture sense you you this. This is literally you in real life to loud. read it out loud. Notification from the sims christine has acquired the comedy skill christine skill and comedy allows her to capital t capital j. Tell jokes at a capital. A microphone and right jokes on a computer like literally. Usually all christine actually does is tell jokes into a microphone and right jokes on. Excuse look me go. This is my life. And i was like playing the piano and like eating mac and cheese. I mean honestly. I'm kind of like also lurked i. You really should have. Because here's also a you don't have to watch the whole thing but it was. It's a whole one minute video of your sim. i'll show it's everybody actually while we're here. You are making mac and cheese in the culture. That is a huge cotton actually saw. I'm sweating. Oh my god. That's why it was so bad. I was like well now that we've made it. Am i going to have to make her eat. All of it. Huge lease for the doug irs anyway. Okay so we've talked about this for far too long event to just throw it in there and now it's just become like the most chaotic. Sorry about okay. 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I thought that. Because i mentioned recently i was like well if we if we have a girl. Maybe i like the name. Agnes for like a middle name and then Blaze was like is it. Because of that song you like and i was like maybe my favorite class animal song is called agnes. And he's like tell me it's about a girl who who died who died of a drug overdose. And i was like well. Yeah he's you and explain that to your future. Child go ahead. I literally was still on wanda vision brain because you said oh the song you like and i thought you meant the song that came out. I didn't know that one too because you showed me that. But no so. I was like he was like well. If you want to name your child after like someone who died of a drug overdose at a sad song go for it and i was like. It's pretty i don't know she for me. I guess we'll see just carrying on the title that carrying on granada's work of just having some exactly right interesting reasons for just random permission very dark stuff. Yeah oh i totally forgot to eat right back to your mom after. She sent me that whole thing about you as scripted. I really need to get back to her. Oh well she'll be thrilled to hear from you if you're listening. Renata i appreciate all the hard work because that took he's not but But okay okay. Doesn't let her know. I just forgot to get back to her. But i appreciate her. So agnes sampson. Also known as the wise wife of keith. Love it. And i'm confused by that because apparently it's in i don't know what the languages it was. There in scotland is gaelic in scotland in ireland writers. That going. don't look at me like i'm supposed to know this. It it was written. It felt like it was written in some delegates irish. But i don't know why because she's a widow and also her husband's name was not kief there. She scots gaelic. Oh maybe that's what it is but it will wait. Gaelic is okay hang on. Oh there's never celtic languages okay. This is all right. Don't agree to me but why keep keeping makes you sound like. She had a husband in keith. That's not true. So i don't know why she's called. Oh okay but when you read it out in gaelic. I think it's just pronounced later in english as the wise wife of keys. And i think you okay actually probably means something else also. She lived in an area with the name with the word. Keith in it so maybe that's probably what it means like the wife of this area or like the woman. Yeah something like that so anyway. Let's get back to the Fifteen hundreds great. So in fifteen ninety there was james the sixth and he was not the best he was. He's twenty four at this point. He's the son of mary. Queen of scots and he marries the princess of denmark or norway denmark norway and and an came back with him to scotland they apparently had terrible weather on the way which is important to note later but on their way back from getting married moving to scotland. They had terrible weather and on their way home though are a as they were on their way. Home looking back at denmark Her whole family and everyone and the area was just riddled with nerves about the rise in witchcraft. Uh-huh so We're going to get back to james the sex an- an but for now. They are going to scotland when we're talking about denmark now so denmark was about to have their version of the witch trials which were the copenhagen which trials and i talk about it a little bit. I might do a whole episode on the witch trials one day. But this is we're just gonna talk about one which today so one victim of these trials was named an holdings who was also known as the devil's mother. What about aztec name. How cute and when she was sentenced to death she said under duress as many victims of witch trials. Did they were. Digits were forced into confessing things. That weren't true of course. She confessed that she had gotten together with a bunch of witches and cursed james and an trip from denmark scotland. So that's why they had such terrible weather because they were trying to get them in a shipwreck. Oh no they did this quote by sending small devils up the keells of the ship. Yeah they're like how did you do it and she's like I don't know like she's being coerced into having with. I mean imagine like on the fly having to think of like an evil thing and just kind of writing a story like and also it's like for your demise like drooling forced to do this improv for terrible terrible reasons. Yeah you're forced into this improv. That will put you to death. Kill always going to be put to death and now and say nothing or be put to death later and be a little clever. Yeah so anyway. So that was how that was. How james an an trip was so stormy. Allegedly in james had gotten really invested in hearing about these witch trials back in denmark. Heim assuming through his wife who was from there So he decided that he was because of the copenhagen which trials which i might cover another day he decided that scotland should have their own witch trials and so the fun the north ferrick which trials not so fun facts at all in denmark's which trials thirteen women were burned at the stake oldest. I just wanted to make sure. I let you know that before we move over to scotland. And it's i think in the north barracks. It's a lot worse so james the sixth said. Let's do this. Let's have the witch trials and one of scotland's most famous victims was agnes sampson who was a midwife who lived in nether keith. Which makes kief And she was said to have Healing powers so again. This was the fifteenth through the seventeenth century. The definition of a witch at the time is really important to why certain people were accused of being witches so fifteen to seventeenth century the definition of a which was someone who tried to get supernatural powers through making a deal with the double and somehow the bible got tied into that and when you looked at genesis three sixteen which is in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children. It basically implies that giving birth is supposed to buy god biblically. It's supposed to be painful. It's supposed to be. It's natural to feel pain from labor because god intended. How wonderful to plant issue. Yeah so if you were someone only uterus so if you were someone who either gave or received pain relief during labor. It was an unnatural experience. You were having and therefore it was associated with witchcraft. Great super duper. So just like another way to completely kick women while they're down like just it always is right like even nowadays though like even epidurals. It's like well. That's not natural. It's like what is wrong with you. Nothing's natural we live in the twenty first century. Okay think of how many people today. I've we've set up before but think of how many people today would be accused of witchcraft. Just by like oh. Yeah us doing this. Are you fucking kidding me. This is hockey over. Can you imagine the fifteenth century if you went to live across the country. I'd be like well. I guess that's the end of that friendship. Maybe we'll see you. Finally i can talk trash about her. So but yeah so even like an roll it at the time. If they had heard of an epidural they'd be like that's satanic because even like herbs to try and like easier cramping version of pain really fact then list powdered herbs. And so so. That's why i mentioned earlier. That agnes was a midwife. Because midwives were very regularly accused of witchcraft because they were helpers and healers especially transferring a pisses me off so really anyone with medical knowledge was considered unnatural or blasphemous at the time because they were accepting a receiving medical care and was anti-biblical to be giving pain relief civil before the eighteen hundreds pain relief was considered magic and dark and then by the eighteen hundreds. Maybe some was like wait. This pain really feels pretty good. Let's let me get some guy was like. Oh this is oh. Well you know now if i can take advantage actually no longer. It's the devils work. It's actually from god. Let it be known. A man had the audacity for the billion fucking time and it was only year eighteen hundred so so over so this is a it was funny announced that again because over two hundred years when people were being tried and executed for witchcraft. The number it was around forty thousand people who go in total shit. I think i think overall not just one time. Yeah so this. Time was also known ellison scotland as the burning times. Oh god that's what you know it's bad and we're several. Thousands were accused and tortured for west trapped and agnes is said to be scotland's oldest victim which like why did we even have to mention her but i'll different sources say that she was either middle aged elderly or quote the eldest of them all. Okay again you take her even further. Well she's down seriously. And what i did find out. Shockingly is like half. I wish i remembered what it was. Do i have the note. Yes so Witchcraft in scotland. About half of the women were forty over forty so most of are middle aged to elderly. And i guess her being The eldest of the mall and she was like maybe fifth forty two. I don't know so hurry. So she was a widow with no kids and she is said to have learned a lot of her life skills including witchcraft. Though from her father and her midwifery clients had ranged from lower to upper class. She seemed to know everybody in town. She like was working with all types of families. And as far as i would be concerned she was just like a run of the mill woman doing her job and she often killed her clients with medicinal combinations of the time and also had some decent clairvoyance or at least that's what people claimed at the time. It sounds now a lot more like some ocd tendencies. For example she would chant prayers for her clients to get better but if she didn't recite them perfectly she would it an omen that they were gonna die. Oh that actually fully sounds like yeah and so she spot on. So i'm thinking she probably wasn't clairvoyant. I think she just had routines if they got messed up. She took it as signs. I'm just gonna start seeing on clairvoyant. Bingo i mean my gosh serving christine crazy. That's kurt. hey it's crazy. It's always crazy for for four. 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A lot of them came from either including like powdered flowers and herbs. And you know there were some. I think there was one thing that she did where she'd be like. Oh the husband when you're giving birth should put one of his shirts under the bed and it's almost like the husband's energy protects. Its some bullshit like that blend. Lie but like little. You know quote wives tales that are laid into this. Oh is it witchcraft. Sure she also was known to assist another witch name. Barbara napier who ends up getting accused later in life. But they were known to associate with one another. And that's probably how they ended up both getting accused of witchcraft. During the first which trial in scotland agnes was accused by a woman named djilas gillis. gi l. l. i. s. daily good great wise. No clue okay. well anyway. It was accused by some weiji. Big in honestly this was as it was for most cases. I imagine it was this person. Probably being accused in trying to redirect the attention from herself to someone else and saying. Oh i'm not a witch. This person is just for cy invasion. Sure but this She was known big was known to sneak out of her master's house and he'll people at night and she happened to know a lot about botany and herbs and all that so i mean that's just screams which gardner and so when she got accused she said oh no agnes. Sampson is so. She also accused by the way on her way out because she was sentenced to. I think she was sentenced to death. She was at least in jail when she confessed that Seventy other people in town would are which is that. They didn't know about yet and agnes happened to be one of them. She's like. I'll tell you about one every week and like listen every fucking person on the block. Apparently lincoln. Just keep me alive. As long as i've more people to give you awful when agnes was on trial. According to a pamphlet called news from scotland no matter what they tried to do she would not break and she did not confess anything. She actually was sent to jail and tortured and she was. This was apparently very common. She was searched for a devil's mark. Yes which apparently at some point one which had confirmed. I think this was like in the middle of just shouting things to prove your which to stop the torture. Someone said oh no you can tell. Who's a witch because there's a devil's mark on us. That shows that the devil had licked us you. I didn't know it was licking. Apparently it's from the devil licking you maybe kissing you. But it's from the double putting his mouth somewhere on you and it is usually on a Private area with hair so that way hit is easy to be found. My gosh that way like you can get away with it for longer. So it became commonplace for women to get Basically strip searched and shaved so that they could see if there's any birthmarks there Talk about Just even more further humiliation holy crap yep and also the devils mark look like anything. So it could be a random birthmark award a mole. Scratch a i mean anything. So if there's really anything a fucking microscopic flaw on you. Good luck you're ingrown hair after all the android there. Oh my god out bingo. Yeah and you know. Mean those razors word not clean those glades. A fucking gillette. Like soren just got like a real so she was ordered to have her oliver hair shaven off of her body. Apparently i only saw one source and it sounds terrible but apparently one form of torture was. I just took a rope. Engaged her head around for an hour. what which. I can't even imagine i don't do that. I had must've read that wrong. I was like. That's so no. I mean some of the stuff just doesn't make any sense and it's still true somehow then. They searched for her devils mark. Go figure they fucking found a birthmark on a person of course and then. They tortured her for days and for many many days. She refused to confessed anything in one of the ways. They tortured her. Was they put agnes witches bridal. Do you know what that is. Oh no but. I'm assuming it's like a horse. Bridle pretty much. It's an iron muzzle. It's also called a scolds bridal. Branks bridal gossips bridal or sometimes just the branks or that your boss. Well because it's used to keep people silent and over when you said. I left town in. You started suddenly but gossiping about me. Watch out this would have been my fate problem. You'd be in trouble so there is a. It's an a basically an iron in iron cage for your face. Basically more iron framed helmet slash mass. That went on top of your head and a horse. A bridle bit would go would be forced into your mouth on top of your tongue and it would be like kind of like on your on the sides. There were screws or a hand. Wash that would so that it would press down on your tongue so that yo- oftentimes that bridle bit. That was laying on your tongue. Also had a spike. What on earth is wrong with these people so that way it didn't it didn't immediately last rate or slice up your tongue but if you try to talk at all it your tongue would get like punctured and that's disgusting. Sometimes while wearing this people would also get beaten because that way they wouldn't be able to scream since their tongue was if they did screen their tongue would get torn m. Oh my god am. Oh my god. It causes extreme pain. Also because it had your mouth in a very specific position you dealt with like hours if not days if not weeks of lockjaw which. I can't even imagine the torture of that alone no obviously psychological trauma because if someone came at you wouldn't even scream or say. Stay away because of your mouth. Oh sleep deprivation because for as long as it was on you. We're not sleeping and as for as long as it was on. You're not eating so you're also being starved. Okay this is just so fuck dude also just like a vanity torture is that you were also excessively drooling which i imagine we're side effects of like i don't know if i can't imagine what excessive drooling would duty but i imagine there could be some sort of rawness on your face afterwards. Yeah i can't feel good. Can't feel good will. You probably can't swallow so it's just oh you can't vulgar i without moving your tongue in babble. So you're probably just yes is just a sore ass choking on spit. Oh god it's awful. And that i imagine there was some sort of like strep or some weird. Dr roth wrote cold. That came afterwards. Because if your mouth is open you're breathing in like hey all day in a like you're definitely spreading bacteria well and i'm assuming you're bleeding because your tongue is being punctured. I mean this is all so sick. So fun fact. This was meant to be used on gossip. Snags the rude and people who i it's troublesome speech i imagined that means like swearing and shit. We're in trump. We're in. We are in big trouble swearing and shit so like i'd already be in trouble so we ain't so another fun fact just to remind you of the patriarchy in just like if you happen to think about it if you happen to know a man and you felt like like you really. I really want to get in a fight today. like i can't think of anything but you manipulative experience. Just think back to the past in this contraption was created also almost exclusively used on women at the request of husbands who were tired of listening to their wife. Scold them and nag them. Oh yes she said a swear word. She told me to do the dishes. So you would have to prove anything. I mean so it was. It was mainly husbands being like she's a nag like locked the tongue up horrid so during all of this agnes confessed. She had to deal with this for days and the only way that she ended up confessing was with a different type of torture. Call a garrote yet or do you know what that is You do okay has to do so for those who don't know. Imagine you're sitting Gherat a garage. Is i think so imagine that you are your back is lined up to a wooden post and around your neck bolted to the metal. Post is a collar so basically your neck is trapped against this piece of wood in this caller and someone is slowly tightening the caller so it's getting closer and closer to the wooden posts. Your neck is getting closer and closer and eventually strangled on this. So i think a garage just means like a if you have Like it was. It's in a lot of like like crime cases in like for jon benet ramsey too. It's like when something is around your neck and you turn I'm trying to think of the best way to describe it like i. Let me send you a picture of the. I think the one that the actual torture device. Yeah this one's actually from the torture museum which is extra fun. Yikes i liked. This question is death by painful. Yeah no shit. While i think death by anything as painful true okay. So what i'm gonna send you is i don't know if this Model was used on her but a lot of the garage also had a like a little spear sticking out of the wind. Post so as you're getting pushed into it it was. You were also getting stabbed slowly further further into your spine. Tell me i'll show you the one that i'm thinking which is just. Oh my god. Oh my god. I got him. I got him. I got this. I'm sending you just like the picture of what say uncle like twisting you. Twist it and it adds so much tension and forced to the strangulation. 'cause you're using a tool to like twist it. It's really fucked up while the one i have is even worse for your neck as locked. Your whole body is locked into even if you're wriggling like your stuff that's four torture device. The neck is locked in with a spear going into your head as your head. You're accused high q. Basically you're getting strangled and also stabbed at the same time. If that was the one that she had with the fine for her so obviously if that one like that's not oh your tongue as being held down and mike cut up. This is like you are literally headed slowly as slowly and slowly. So she confessed. I imagine that was like the last resort opt for forcing a confession. And she said that she had killed jane kennedy. Who was the companion of mary. Queen of scots. She said an eight and fifteen eighty nine. Jane and jane servants susannah both drowned on a boat that was taken down by storm. That agnes had conjured that storm so that their ship would sink. She apparently sank. This ship successfully by this witchcraft. Which i guess she pulled out of her ass like last minute. Desperate for confession. Yeah she attached a bunch of corpse pieces to a christened cat and then drowned the cat in the ocean. Oh and apparently that was how she conjured up a storm so intense. It would kill people on the boat the next day. Okay she also Says that she helped with creating the storm with there was another woman named agnes earlier. I think was that her name. Agnes the woman who said that she had created the storm that james and an were ought that james james's six and suck elyria had those stormy seas on the register. Also an or something or an. Yeah it was. A name also already said but agnes said she was also involved in that in that like fund circle in that fun circle and helps try to conjure the storm that made james and an trip so difficult. She said that she had. She also claimed that she had Hanged a black toad upside down to collect its venom And then she wanted to use it. On a piece of the king's clothing arguably maybe his underwear to make infertile confessed to working with the devil. She confessed to collecting empowering bones. To be used in charms she confessed to Digging up corpses and removing their finger joints their noses in their toes We don't know how much of all of this is true. But i do think some of those things were not necessarily for charms but they were used in healing for pain relief at the time. Okay so I think she probably just like really sensationalized it to prove a point also. She claimed that she had gone to the devils convention. Or as i like to call double khan and apparently i like to call it. The that's why i drink live tour. So the devil. Apparently she sought. I guess he was like doing a panel or something because she said at double con the double spoke against the king and so that must be why she also hated the king and conjure disarm to kill him in wanna make them infertile and she also named other witches but agnes was a fucking homey and all the people that she named had already died from being accused of witchcraft. So she yeah so she's like fine. I'll finally sacrifice myself once. You're like beheading me but i was like i'm not to throw anyone under the bus exactly at least as far as the sources i read. I don't want anyone coming out and being like actually my person you will name my future child. Agnes we'll see agnes so far. I mean you got kathryn. Hahn playing and agnes. You've got agnes sampson saving people kind of into it so anyway. So she named other witches who had already died she also says that at least at the convention the double war a black hat and brogue very she she and he checked in. He was literally at the front at the desk. Where like he checked people into the convention and they paid guess with their corporate charge was an obscene kiss. Oh hell yeah to you know what it obscene kiss is. It's not making out. Yeah is it like a apparently the obscene kiss is also known as the oscar in femme may or the kiss of shame which is heard it was heard of a more around which trial times than any other time and i think this might have just baby been. I don't know enough about which history so. I hope i'm not getting it wrong. But my guess is that this was just another thing that like someone who's accused cried out trying to in duress but apparently it is part of a which is initiation Into becoming a witch is she does the kiss of shane. What is it is when a which pays homage to the devil by kissing him while he's an animal form and kisses either his feet his anus or his generals. His generals genitals sorry. Didn't even say the word on the anus is is an interesting thing. Well apparently so. I didn't write this down so i'm going to butcher it because i'm just remembering it from my notes. But apparently the kissing them on the but is because there was one version of the story where the devil actually has a smaller devil on his ass and like actual devil like like the devil. Actually if he were to like pants himself like just dropped row. He has a another devils face on his butt. So no like a devil face like an actual head ghazal damore face. Yes and like yes. I guess if you're kissing the but you're actually kissing the lips of the devil but that was one very small version. But i'm glad you let me talk about that. I i got your so welcome. I could tell you wanted to. Sometimes the roles were reversed and the devil would be the kiss e or the cassara while the which was the kissy. Which i appreciate that. There was that role reversal. They're like everyone had had a chance. Yeah that's why it's so blasphemous. You know oh. Yeah because a woman one getting kissed. Yeah so this is only really heard of again during the which trails although there is some historical context from thirteen. Hundred's that something. Like this was going on but i didn't look too far into it because it had nothing to do with the witch trials but it might have been like inspiration for how this story came to be. Okay james also asked for proof of agonises powers after all this by the way. James was part of these trials like king. James was like I don't know if i can get but james. The sex was part of these trials that he had when he created the over. The not the scotto trials than north barrick which trials here. I'm going to sit in and enjoy all of the torture. And hear all the confessions sicko. And when he asked for proof of her power she used her clairvoyance to recite a conversation that james and ann had probably had on their wedding night or definitely out on their wedding night. According to agnes it was a conversation that no one would have quote no way of knowing. I can only imagine that because he was twenty four and and was fourteen. I bet that conversation was explaining. What says yep yep yep or just saying gosh she probably. I'm guessing we don't know what the conversation was. But i'm guessing it was had something to do with that where she was something predictable. She had to guess Yeah yeah and here's a quote about his astonishment x. The king's majesty wondered greatly and swore by the living god that he believed that all the devils and hell could not have discovered the same acknowledging her words to be the most true and therefore gave them more credit to the rest which she which is before declared which is like wow. He was so amazed but also like he's like he's never thought he was so predictable thinks he discovered sex. That's what i'm thinking. I think he created it and it shocking that someone else would know about it anyway. Apparently this wonderful talent of hers has now put her right in the grave and this was proof of her being a witch. She was strangled and then burned at stake on january. Twenty eighth fifteen ninety one. All her execution only costs. I don't what's the little sign in europe worth through. Is it quit. Is that what they call it a quid. No i don't think so. Well okay hang on. I don't see with me. I don't her quid sign. Yeah quit a pound a euro or something. I'm so snow pound a pound. I'm pretty sure pound. Six of them is helpful. The much her whole execution costs it was a very cheap experience and she died in fifteen ninety one and she yet. It is the slang term of pound. Sorry as sure. Got that right six pound. Okay so agnes. Before she died confessed to fifty eight of the one hundred and two accusations thrown at her. It's so sad fun fact except not at all. The researchers at the university of edinburgh have identified over thirty eight hundred cases of witchcraft accusation. In scotland between the fifteen sixty s and seventeen thirties. And apparently in that time. Like right in the middle so it was like the fifteen ninety s to the sixteen sixty s. There were five like very large scale. Which ones so that's awful. James sex later became king of england and also wrote demo Day my -nology which is a book about. I think it's actually several books about dark. Magic sorcery. witchcraft. In spirits and agnes is still said to hot where she was sent for trial. Which was the palace of hollywood house. She is known though her ghosts. Name is bald. Agnes come because she was seen beaten. She's usually seen beaten bloodied and bald as she was when she died. This is so fucking sad. Now you're giving me a bummer. But most recent sighting was two thousand fourteen when a maintenance man Repaired i was repairing a lock and saw her limping towards some from a corridor and then she vanished. How scary and sad. I hope she. I hope that's just residual. I hope so too. I i have to imagine cheese limit a better life than that. I hope so. I really do anyway. That is the story of agnes sampson aka the wise. Which of keith. Well if i end up with a future child named that as a middle name or otherwise. Welcome to your. Can't wait to baby. Their their bedtime story fucked up is that i liked it. This convinced me more so that this is a good name rather than the other way round. Like i'll tell them all about the the gossips bridal. They'll love it. That'll be like a cautionary tale for my child. Boy well that was. That was fascinating. Thank you very much. You're welcome didn't nope we were so we were going. I'm just shifting my shift to my weight around. Have you ever had a nose hair that makes you wanna scream for the rest of the time. Because he's oh yes where it just keeps itching. yeah also. I found a new playlist for you. That i would like to shout out to everybody. I sent it to eve last night as well. And i says everybody so to me. I didn't sign issue. Because i'd already because it already sent you three playlists and i was like this is overkill. They're great if anyone would like to look it up. The place on youtube is literally called. This playlist will make you feel like a nineteenth century villain descending into true madness. And all and i was like wait a minute. It can't possibly and then. I pressed plane went. Oh my god. I am descending into trauma. God here we go here. I go okay. is that the first anyway. So if you'd like to ever wonder what it is. I'm listening to when i do my notes. It is that playlist well at three fifty eight. Am i received. Let's see well we'll midnight your time. Twelve twenty four. Am you're at a party at gatsby watching daisies. Green light oldies music crickets waves three hours. Then he sent me. You're a hopeless romantic but in the nineteenth century playlist and then you said wait. Just kidding this on this place will make you feel like a nineteenth century villain but it without the descending into madness yet that one i take back the the one. That's this place will make you feel like a nineteenth century villain. No it will. Not but then when you listen to this playlist descending into madness one. That one is what i was hoping the by new favorite honestly is the one i mean. It's one of the harry potter one. I do like the harry potter when a lot. But it's so one it's also by nemo's dreamscapes and it's the one of like the little chipmunks sleeping and the one the mom is knitting and it's just like this firecracker laying in thunder and it's just oldies. It's the one. I have like playing on screen so that i can see what is that. I'm there's anything i've ever been more proud of. Its it's finding that playlist or that artists and showing it's every person i know like i say all these. It's like old timey like crackly radio phonograph. So yes like railroad. It's like really comforting in a weird old way that it's just so strange how that works the harry potter one. I'm currently in love with where it's like. You're you're on the train to hogwarts while harry in her mind is sleep and there and it's like it's just the two of them kind of sleeping on the bunk and like there's rain on the window of the train countryside going by here like the train of god. Damnit me laughing at disease coming out of their heads. Nemo's dreamscapes if you listen to us or someone knows me most dreamscapes. I need to personally thank them for all of the sanity. They have allowed me to keep as i work. So one hundred percent thousand. I actually sent them Donation yesterday. Because i listen to it so much and then they were doing like they were like you know we get we only are funded by donations and it was like over the past however many weeks we received one hundred dollars i was like oh my god. I felt like i had to donate donate to. Yeah we should donate because it really is and it really is just a cool a cool service that they do. I mean i'm just. Yes also i just got a mysterious texas. Hey girl so the it's like. There's no i don't know the number just as hey girl anyway. Oh my god that for now just you found you. I finally found you you. Oh my god. I don't know who you are. I'm so sorry okay. This is the story for today. It is the story of jamie kloss. Okay and it is a pretty recent story okay. this kind of What's the word kind of wound wound down no like fuck. It ended on gagging. It like it culminated. I think is what i'm trying to sell. Okay like the whole story kind culminated in early twenty nineteen. So that's like when the most recent stuff happened. So this is In gordon wisconsin and it took place on thursday january tenth of two thousand nineteen a local woman named gene. Nuttier was walking her dog when she saw a teenage girl who looked to be in distress and was not dressed appropriately for the freezing january wisconsin temperatures only wearing a sweatshirt leggings slippers and jean nutter told cbs. She could tell that quote wherever she had been she had left in a hurry. And so i quick and my pace and got to her and she just sort of fell into me and said i'm jamie and i said i know what q title sequence. Oh my god gonna. Oh my god okay okay. Okay i'm jamie. And i said i know okay i know lance km. Is cam indeed. Goose kim central so rewind several months prior october fifteen twenty. Eighteen in barron wisconsin Wait what was the name. I fear which thing agnes sampson now. Like the bear. Something which trials the. Oh the north barrick okay. Well this is. Baron of in barron wisconsin. the close family were woken up at about twelve thirty. Am to the sound of their dog. Molly barking jamie claus. Who was thirteen years old peered out her window to see a vehicle parked outside the house. The shape of a figure stepped out of it and began approaching. Yeah nervous jamie render parents room to let them know so jamie's father. James went to the front door while jamie and her mom denise went to hide in the family bathroom i mean. Nightmare alrighty alright. You're like a sentence and christine. Sorry i'm sorry. Just play your radio. Old-timey radio broadcast. I mean my dreamscapes. Your dream skip So as james got downstairs this is. Why don't open the door. I'm not victim blaming him. I don't blame him at all. I'm just saying like this is why my paranoid brain is like i. Just don't open the door. i don't even assume shames. Open the door. Open the door. Oh my word okay. Oh my word. James opened the door because he didn't know who it was he for whatever reason assumed he was dealing with a police officer because his daughter and wife upstairs heard him order the figure to show me your badge shortly after that in the upstairs bathroom jamie. Her mom heard the sound of glass smashing and a gun shot. The intruder had shot james through. Oh you know what i lied. He didn't open the window. I misspoke he had just said our. Show me your badge through the door. I forgot about this part. And he had been shot through the glass window on the door. Oh my god you hadn't even open the fucking door. I'm so sorry. I misspoke wow just e. Even more tragic would never like expect that. Yeah whoa okay. So it was like the decorative window that was part of the door and so he said. Show me your badge before. I open up. Yeah a very reasonable smart person would do. And he was. Shot through the decorative glass window in the door horrifying so jamie and her mom thought it would be safer to stay where they were in the bathroom and jamie's mom quickly called nine one one from her cell phone before she could even speak to the dispatcher. The door to the bathroom was smashed. Oh my god. Oh my god wait. This is for sure a wrong number. Sorry i just got an updated text saying what. I hope those pills i gave you. Maybe they're such good pills. You don't even remember taking like did i take pills. I doubt it. I hope the pills. I give you help. If you continue to have. The shit's make sure you call. Pete the focus. I like that. That's that's absolutely a prank tax. Because if they i like you don't just start a conversation with. I hope the pills are going well. I don't know maybe maybe you do. If that's kind of friendship you have. Please write something back being like. Oh my god. I've been having the shuts all day. It's insane well. Here's the rest of the text. Pete has the best remedies to get rid of that. Make sure to not eat sugar free. Gummy bears again ll. I don't know this is laurie. Please write them back. While we're doing this was just say like my diarrhea has been out of sight saying that. It's a local area code. So i bet they just have the wrong number but like i'm trying to think of like i never would've i can't this just just you just like dot like what if i mix those pills something else early. No what if i I don't want to go to say at what point at what point is too many shifts. And so why would you. I call peop- danger zone. Four five thinking. What am i gonna. Sos emojis. Pete has the best remedies. Like what is this. This ep does he have I mean maybe it's something like innocuous in the pills are just like some constipation modiim. Maybe there like a modem or something sugar-free gummy bear per second. I was like oh. My psychiatrist is and i was like. That doesn't make any sense. Oh the pills. She gave me wait a second. No that that's not anything just like. Yeah i'm really gonna need pete's number. This is insane and then conspire with pete. Trank this person be like pete like me but i know a lot about things. Think i'm shitting. Let's look really good or we need to play my fake intestinal distress up for all. It's worth okay got like i don't even eat sugar free going bears. I'm allergic okay. So i don't know what to tell this person. But i love that they put they put a laughing emoji though so just write something else back completely different. Just be like oh my god. Did you watch the latest episode of kyle x. y. Then it probably will be like christine. Issue was spot on something. I would actually say like top podcasts. Go and then if they if say grace podcasts. Then it's a test. Then they win then we would it be if they listen to the podcast and they're like wait a second. I sent that message like any show. but in. that's where. I drink fucking socks. And then i'd be like i'm calling pete and i are getting together and gossiping about you anyway. Carry on with this story. I think you have the wrong number. Oh chris i want to know who it is. Who are you looking for. no no one ever responds. Oh i do wow well so many opportunities to play a game. I know i won't a mom like got anymore. Socially anxious i. I'm socially anxious i feel like if i get the wrong number the last thing i was got three more months before. You gotta start texting like a mom and i can't judge you. You gotta come on. Lay it up man. Well why we'll shop at later. We'll shop it. God fine okay. You already know. But i'm just too socially anxious to like. Give me the number. Give me the number also. No i will not do that now. I know that's gonna end poorly do it. I'll be like hey. This is pete new number yo. That was the pills. Stop hooping bears and she keeps ordering sugar-free. Gummy bears on amazon. And i don't know how to make her stop. She just won't listen to your advice. Okay i'm going to keep going so there. This is terrible. I'm so sorry. I ever to crack jokes. That was really not. It really was terrible. Timing i says needs to apologize. Pete pete are talking to you. Okay sorry back in the zone. Of actually i just wanted to just have that one moment where we had joel fun or this got side again so just a little moment of happiness. Yeah so anyway. There in the bathroom Denise decides to call nine one one and before she can even begin to speak to the dispatcher. The door to the bathroom is smashed in fucking horrifying. I mean horror movie level so a man dressed head to toe in black and carrying a shotgun orders to whites. God yeah like. I don't know why that terrifies me more. Just because it's a bigger gun. She's one hundred ten percent. This guy shows up like yeah and they just heard the gunshot so they know now also that their dad has been the data's been shot so he orders needs to hang up the call the intruder also orders to needs to cover her daughter's mouth with duct tape because Jamie is sobbing. So he has denise cover jamie's mouth with duct tape. She's again thirteen. And then right in front of jimmy. The intruder shoots denise. Yeah it's just like fucking awful. I can't imagine bad bad. News with the puck happens next to this poor girl okay. Nothing good so Knowing that denise had called nine nine one and the police would probably be there any minute. The intruder quickly tapes jamie at her wrists marches her outside forces her into the trunk of his car and speeds off. Oh my god kidnaps her so sure. Enough deputies had followed up with a nine one one call and had rushed over the cloth household after denise called but even though they'd only ride within minutes of the call taking place the intruder had already fled with jamie so once they get to the house. Obviously police find the bodies of jamie's parents who had both been tragically murdered only minutes earlier and apart from the gunshots the intruder had left. Nothing like no no sign or piece of evidence behind so obviously they noticed. That jamie is missing And so when the intruder later opens his trunk. Jamie had no way of notice of knowing that she was now in a town. Called gordon wisconsin. Which is roughly an hour away from her hometown of baron. So he's driven her about an hour outside of home well and she is led into a bedroom where she is freed from the duct tape and the kidnapper tells jamie who had unfortunately wet herself in fear as we all probably to take all her clothes off which he puts in a bag and then he gives her a pair of pajamas which would later be revealed to belong to his sister sicko and along with the bag of jamie's close he throws everything the duct tape and his gloves into the fireplace to burn the evidence so jammy was then forced to crawl under the man's bed and this would become her living space for the next eight days just under the bed. Yeah yeah so. The man warned her that if she tried to escape he would do the same thing to her as he did to her parents. And it's time to introduce you to the piece of trash behind the mask. Which is my new game. show that i'm inventing. Oh at least you have a game to play. I made it fun. This is the piece of trash behind the mask. It's kidnapper twenty the twenty one year. Old jacob thomas paterson. He was apparently known to be a bit of a loner at school He basically didn't have an online presence. And according to new york post he'd smet spend time in his family's remote cabin just reading books about outdoor survival in the military and that was pretty much all he did with his time His former neighbor tristan roberts remembers one time seeing his dark side after tristan accidentally brushed his bag against patterson's head on a school bus as he was like walking past and roberts later told the daily mail he turned around and punched me in the nose. I was looking down at my phone at the time. Not expecting it. Then we got into a scuffle in. The bus driver actually stopped the bus. It was a good fist fight. We both got in a few shots. And based on the experience he tells the paper. So is jake paterson capable of doing something. Terrible i would say yes. He could shoot someone. I saw the rage in his eyes. So that's just one example of like how this guy got along with others which is route well so he besides the had no previous convictions. Like he hadn't been in trouble with the law But after graduating. High school in manon wisconsin. He had enlisted in. The marine corps was released after one month. I'm not sure why. But he worked for the jennie o. Turkey plant in barren for one day in two thousand sixteen before he quit and this was the only weirdly enough the only link he had to the close family. Because jamie's parents both worked at the genio turkey plant. Whoa so that was kind of strange. I mean we'll find out later. Yeah that we'll talk more about later but That was the all moon out makes no sense it makes no sense exactly and he worked there for one so it's not like they knew each other right. Yeah okay so anyway. Back to jamie's experienced this fucking asshole has forced her underneath his bed which he would then barricade with like dumbbells like workout weights and other heavy materials so she wouldn't be able to escape. She was pressed into the ground. She was yeah basically just like though she was just like hanging out in rolling around down there she was like being present so she's out of the bed so he just blocked off the oh blessed a bed with i was thinking like put it the beds. The bed was too heavy to now. It's just being crushed. Okay no no. He just blocked the bear. He barricaded the bed with weights and other objects to keep her underneath it so long periods of time ago by where he wouldn't give her any water or food she would be down there for hours on end He wouldn't allow her to use the bathroom. He would even sometimes have certain visitors like his dad and his friends come over to the house. All while jamie was hidden underneath his bed and he would just leave his room blasting with loud music so no one could hear her screaming just like can you also like thinking as the jacob guy like the immediate sense of i got away with it confidence in that like oh i can have people over and not even worry that like i'm gonna yes or maybe he liked the thrill of maybe i will get caught honestly just continues in that exact vein of him just thinking he's taught shit yet right. Yeah and like this is my psa if you have a friend or family member who has never done this before and then suddenly when you come over locker room and blast loud music. Maybe at least inquire like why. Why are they doing this. What are you doing in there. And not that like not that. That's something to tell you. Oh my son has kidnapped a child but like just just see something. Say something see right. If you feel weird maybe check it out. That's all again not blaming anybody else but him but just saying like. I'm feeling every time. I read one of these stories. I add another paranoia to my dallas. You're actually okay. So so we'd have like his data over and he would just have jamie under the bed it would be blasting loud music. He later told police. This kind of response. What you said. He later told police that he was so confident of the control he had over jamie that he quote knew she was just fucking terrified of me. So that shot both of her parents of her and also like oh my god. That's like tip of the iceberg. But yeah yeah. So as said before jamie was kept under patterson's captivity for eighty eight days which is nearly three months so like a quarter of the year just underneath his bed. Nothing to do nothing. Just also like let's not forget like paying and pooping and like all just like having nowhere to go which also being like probably like not clean like i'm yeah she's adding showers like she writes like sitting in tears on my god. Just airman your back pain of just lying down. How uncomfortable true for three bang down there. I mean on a hardwood floor. Just lying there for a horrendous so during so for the majority of the time jamie would be underneath the bed surrounded by weights and big tubs. As i said She wouldn't be able to free herself and during the days on one occasion. He brought her out to his yard to walk around with him. He'd sometimes get jamie to play board games with him. This is just added to the level of like fucked up in this of this. Apparently he wants brought her back a starbucks drink He had wanted to at one point. Change her appearance by cutting her hair but he then decided against it because jamie said she didn't want to. Oh finally she has to say right right right. Exactly exactly good for you to let her have that Jamie recalled that on one occasion. He did physically abuse her by beating her on the back with a cleaning item but after her escape she was unable to recall the event that triggered the punishment. Wow i'm surprised she was able to remember anything. Same my brain shut the fuck off. Same completely what is evident though. Is that as time. went on. poor guy jake. Paterson struggled with his guilt because of his actions. He found it hard to talk to jamie about what had happened. So for the most part he avoided the topic. Oh you wanna be awkward. just me. What he said was just like exactly. What my brain field one night. He claims to have been over so overcome with guilt that he got drunk and made a promise to jamie that if she read a letter to her auntie that he would send it however the following day when he sobered up he decided against it believing that he had just gotten away with his crimes according to chicago tribune and he decided never. I don't want to risk it so we at this point has sheila free to walk around the house or is she still under the bed. She's still under the bed every out every now. And then yeah. He'll let her out sometimes to use the bathroom but she the fact that she was even brave enough earlier by the way to say. I don't want to cut my hair. When like at that point i would have assumed. I don't get what i do or don't want. I wonder why she was saying like. Can i at least like not sleep on the queue lease. Give me a mattress under the bed like something. Well this is my next bullet. at times. He did get jamie to sleep in the bed with him but thankfully his guilt quote unquote got in the way of acting on any sexual fantasies. He had i like what had two key too. Far right uh-huh yeah too far Which i mean at least thank god but still. It's like so the only option. If you're not sleeping under the bed is you're in the bed with him which is like arguably worse or equally as bad you know. So he was so cocky that what he that what he called mine stuff which which presumably mind games of terrifying jamie was enough to keep her captive and because of this he didn't take extra precautions like locking rooms or doors or windows. Rousey was row. Confident real fucking comedy have letting her sleep in your bed. When like the second you fall asleep she could just get up and leave exactly exactly just totally thinks. He's got this covered and so on thursday january tenth twenty nineteen When patterson told jamie was leaving for a few hours she knew this was a now or never opportunity also to tell her. You're leaving for a few hours. Yeah that's and you be or stupid. But yeah so he tells her i'm leaving yards. She goes this is my chance. She slipped on a pair of patterson shoes and just ran out of the house and again. It's january and wisconsin freezing cold. She ran to a nearby road which is where she spotted. G nutter walking her dog and that moment must have been just like i can't fathom i can't fathom yeah gene would recall jamie sobbing. Saying i'm jamie close. I don't know where i am. Please help i want to go home. And then gene delivering her iconic line. I know so of course during this time. Jamie's face had been all over missing persons reports on posters broadcast in the media. And that's how gene knew who it was. This girl has been all over the media and the news had kept the world posted on the funeral that had been held for jamie's parents during jamie's captivity and the gathering of hope ceremony. Her school had hosted in october. Like just hoping they would find jamie somewhere alive so without a mind. You knew exactly who. This girl was When she ran up to her thirteen years old by the way it is can't get over that either so gene told cbs. She had to work hard to not reveal how not calm inside. She was Which good for her to be. Like on eternal stoic. One yeah exactly She asked jamie only a few questions she said. First of all. where did you come from. And she told me. I said is he home and she said no i said is he in a car and she said yes and i said what color is it because if we ran into the car i wanted to have some other in my head ryan. A cry makes me. So what bad asks. Are you know like just having this plan immediately. There's a photo of her and her dog. And it's just this older woman walking her little pup but it's just like you will never think twice about going out for a stroll in like saving a life. Yeah saving child. That god horrifying so ultimately gene made the decision to knock on someone else's door to call nine one one so a mere eleven minutes after police had recovered jamie. They found jake paterson in his car and arrested him the idiots not very good at hiding when he got out of his car. He said i know what this is about. I did it. Oh stupid okay so right. Nobody doubted that. But whatever so In the investigation into paterson there was not as we mentioned earlier. A clear connection between him and the close family apart from that one day at the turkey factory so department of justice documents revealed. This is horrible. This is like this kind of israel keyes shit where it's just like it was just. It was fucking random. Like it's just so i was this whole time. I was like. I can't wait to figure out why he picked them. And now just there's it just adds such a layer of terror of like they. There's no wait nothing they could have. I don't know it just adds like a level of. Did he ever say what his plan with. Jamie was s well or lack thereof but yes. That's actually the next part here. So according to the department of justice documents that litter reveal that patterson had told investigators he had planned to abduct a teenage girl for around a year. Just take a girl and that if it wasn't jamie it would have been someone else. I thought about that a lot to think that there's somebody you may know or run into who has been for a year thinking of abducting teenage girls. Something would never cross your mind. I mean the what he was just going to let her fucking go like well. According to inspire dot com patterson remembered maybe a year. After that. I was starting to think about. How actually how actually do i do this. Like more specifically not just in general. I was more like thinking i could kidnap a fucking girl. Just like keep her and shit as if this is like a fucking turtle or something you pick up on the side of the road. I mean oh my god horrible. So they asked him whether there was anything about jamie in particular that made him believe he could take her and he said i don't really know it was kind of like i just thought i could do it. I don't know how to explain it other than that. So what happened was on his drive to a cheese factory. Not a cheesecake factory like close to close to the sun. My friends who said he worked there. And i was like no but he worked at a cheese factory. Which fair hurts my feelings about your cheese. A cheese right but to me. That hurts my feelings but at least not cheesecake factory so on his drive to a cheese factory where he worked oh. He only worked there for two days by the way so he worked at the trial. This keep it together. Are you kidding me. Not even for like half a week literally. On one of the two mornings he worked there. He stopped behind a school bus and he saw jamie get on the bus in front of her house and he had no idea who she was had. No idea like who else lived at the house with her whether she had siblings if her parents live there with her and he just decided okay. That's where i'm to go and take that girl from that house. Oh my gosh noted the address and decided because he pulled up behind a school bus on the way to work and just saw kid saw her. So patterson told investigators that he immediately went to a walmart in rice. Lake wisconsin where he purchased items to use in the abduction which included a black colored balaclava type mask to conceal his identity. He said that he had tried to kidnap jamie on two previous occasions as well but the time wasn't right. Oh my god. Isn't that fucking scared. Like chilling you. Yeah i don't even there's no more detail than that except apparently just like like the gut feeling. Wasn't there something. yeah he just was like. No no it's not the right time which is like sick so. Abc news reported that on october. Fifteen twenty eighteen. Patterson took his father's twelve mossberg pump shotgun with him because he had done research in knew that the mossberg brand shotgun was one of the most heavily manufactured or own shotguns and assumed. It would be more difficult to trace so in some ways. He has like a plan or like right. It's random but yeah strategic. he's like yeah strategize. He also stated that he felt a twelve gauge slug would inflict the most damage on someone and would most likely be the best choice of shell in weapon to kill someone he also told investigators that he shaved his beard and head and showered before leaving his house so that he would not leave any dna or hair at the scene so he takes a shotgun he puts on his brown steel toed. Work boots bluejeans jeans. A black jacket work loves and his mask and he heads over to the class household middle of the night and a really kind of spooky element to of all. This is that he was really close to being caught on the night of the murders. Because there's actually police body cam footage from that night which has been released by the department of justice and you can watch it and the footage shows two officers responding to the call and you can overhear the men saying. Do you want to see if you can pull any plates off. Cars going the other way. How about that maroon one. That just yielded. Well we'll have him on camera and in the footage you see the police car police car pass maroon truck driving on the other side of the road and jamie was in the trunk of that car. Oh my god when they saw when it's on camera which is like against so chilling. But the problem was he had actually thought ahead to Put stolen plates on his car so they didn't make the connection and weren't able to track it so horrifying that on the way there. Apparently he saw the police cars heading toward the close home and he pulled over thinking they discover he had jamie his vehicle as they were just a matter of feet away from him so he was twenty seconds away from the home when police were zooming by to go to the house. Like that's how close they passed each other. Which is just awful. Oh my god so that was just luck. Because as he later revealed to the cops he didn't really put much thought into this which is just some also level of fucked up of like. He didn't even really care. Also when you think back on like he plan on keeping the kid for whoever was going to be for a year and then logistically i know. He said he wasn't thinking logistically logistically. What were you going to do then like let them go and assume you wouldn't get caught like the only option really would be to kill them. Well they asked him that he said so. Alton one of these upcoming bullets he revealed that jamie just would never be able to escape nor would want to escape. Al she loved being there. Listen sometimes they played boggle which is what you have to understand fucking god her starbucks one time. I got our london fog. And i thought it changed our relationship forever. Exactly yeah so. He believed she wouldn't want to escape as he said. I just trusted her and trusted that she wouldn't try to get out. I mean this guy twisted in the brain. Obviously he also demonstrated no thought about any long term plans as to how he would hold someone hostage and what that even meant so there. You go for that question As the eighty eight days slowly went on he truly believed he had gotten away with the kidnapping because he didn't leave a digital trace behind such as googling jamie's address or bringing his phone to her home on the night of the kidnapping so some things fell very smart like he didn't even bring us phone with them so that it couldn't be traced and he did he shaved soda he wouldn't leave hair at the scene but then he like captain went like will. Now what you know like some of this is so thought you went real. He really went into lake making sure everything was good until like one part of the plan. And then he got like okay. Well yeah short-term thought sort of. Yeah he did a really good job on the first half of the projects. Yes is awful yes exactly and so he never really planned what to do so he just kind of thought he had gotten away with it And he said. After a while. I thought i could get away with this. I mean i understand how when there's no connection that person has no connection to someone how that's fucking almost impossible to solve or really hard to solve which is so scary and i know i keep bringing up israel keyes but it's that same idea of like you can't just trace their co workers or it's like a random person which makes it so much harder to figure out and makes it so much scarier as like we're all potential. Yes yes just wrong place from elite wrong place wrong time and like drunk place on time as your own home. Right exactly exactly. You just happen to be in the way of somebody with really bad intentions. So jake paterson was charged in connection jamie's kidnapping and her parents murders to which he pled guilty in march of twenty nineteen. He is currently serving life in prison And ask for jamie. She said in her statement which was read aloud at the trial and try not to get emotional. Her statement was read a lot of the trial. Read jake paterson can never take away my courage. He thought he could control me but he couldn't jake. Paterson will never have any power over me. I feel like. I have some power over him. He can't take my freedom. He thought he could own me and he was wrong. I was smarter. I watched his routine. And i took back my freedom. I will always have my freedom and he will not one amazing thirteen kit. Are you kidding me. Who's now only like what fifteen. Yeah wow so okay. I was i was gonna say. Do we know where. Jessica yes so the cases provided for what. It's worth a lot of other parents of abducted endangered children such as kayla berg who we recently discussed. That was the youtube video that they thought was connected to and then it was a hoax That case so it has provided a lot of families with some hope which is good that you know. Sometimes something feels hopeless and then someone escapes or something happens and the cases cracked however while their whole families obviously thrilled about her return. There is some obviously very dark sadness. That comes with it. Jamie's grandfather has said you can tell she's not quite the same. I mean how could you be. How could you be thought our fall. Yeah and then. When jamie went missing twenty five thousand dollars had been offered as a reward for information in order to find her and that was actually offered by jennie o. Turkey stores which is where her parents worked. So when jamie escaped jenny turkeys parent company. Hormel foods place that money in a trust fund for jamie and the ceo of hormel foods gyms knee said on behalf of the entire jennie o. And hormel foods family. We are overjoyed. At the news of jamie's safe return her bravery and strength of truly inspired our team members around the world. Our hope is that a trust fund can be used for jamie's needs today and in the future well and she now lives with her aunt and guardian jennifer neighbors smith who said in a statement in january twenty twenty one so a couple of months ago. That jamie is taking life day by day. Jamie doing good. She's enjoying dance school activities and many other things as much as possible in regards to now dealing with the cova restrictions. She is surrounded by lots of loved ones. And that's follower of jamie. Close both of your stories. this This time around were well. They're being recorded in advanced. But today both of your stories us did were like super recent. Kobe mentioned eardley. Like update it. Yeah exactly exactly Oh my god what what a. What an amazing kid. And i know it's just so tragic such a bad ass in like so not something any kid or any human deserves to go through but still just like at least the silver lining of like. She's okay now you know but just to have your parents lost in that way too. It's just wow. So where was this again. In in the wisconsin wisconsin. Wow oh my god. That's so terrible again. Row just another person to send nothing but positive energy tomb In another person to send all the negative energy toward right exactly so glad that that person has life in prison. Yep me too well. So that's sorry. We spent twenty five minutes talk about sugar free. Gummy bears and also the sims. Also my friend responded. Oh really what did you say i said. Hey are you looking for. And she said oh. Mg i'm so sorry. I'm looking for my friend book. Brooke i am so embarrassed so it really wasn't okay again as the phone number. I'll be brooke. I grow and you were looking for me. I can't believe you text the wrong person. What is wrong with you. My dream which is such not po- it's like so a so like unlikely but if this person just or brook just happens to listen to the can you tell me because this'll be so funny if they have some connection or you know these people since daddy number so if anybody knows or pete let us let us know we if you know anyone who's suffering indigestion due to sugar consumption. Please let us know if you know. A guy named pete with a great remedy for most things has like homemade ammonia or something like well. Thank you everybody. This is what day does this come out. This is on the eleven. This comes out on the eleventh fourth. The fourth of july holy crap oh. Today's my anniversary with allison. It's also anniversary independence day our day. cool well also a month after my birthday. Which is the most important. You're like officially thirty. I'm embracing it man so anyway. Thank you everyone for listening police and good energy to all the people who deserve it that we reported on today and i guess also find me on sims or on youtube. If you'd like follow like sorry for like dachshund your sims you know experience but it's okay. I don't have a username yet. it's just just look at my name. You had a band. I was like what is this. I had no idea you were even on youtube. That was all rj. You've went amazing. I was so excited. I was like m. literally has a banner on youtube. I even subscribe to you well. Apparently there's someone who has youtube dot com slash the schultz and they know like they made the account in two thousand nine and it never posted insurance not you. I wasn't me. Oh that would have been funny if you had some old us account and so i. There's no. I can't get the url. So that sucks. So we'll do you follow me. Do you subscribe to me. Thanks so i don't know an interesting really genuinely. Don't know probably probably not. Because i think the only thing i am subscribed to is lee most dreamscapes in nothing else. Look at this. It has like subscriptions imdb linked. Wow this is profess- you can think. Rj for all of us. Hope he will 'cause one of his big things like months ago he's like you should do streaming because he was really into twitch and i was like okay. Rj you set it up and we'll see how it goes as started. Okay i i just went to your videos. And it says. I've watched the entirety of the most recent one. And then there's just like a page of all these other i'm like i'm a lot to catch up on here. How do i see my subscription. I'm literally no idea how this three months ago. I'm so out of the loop. Dude i on it. The only subscription i have is nemo's dreamscapes and then english heritage. You can subscribe to me now. Also the The most recent one. If you wanna to watch where. I discover what the fuck is going on. It's called. my ghost is here which is a time to watch. It was also the one. Apparently where i finally got over my depression over m.'s. Death so i i honestly i like if you're trying to watch streaming. You probably won't enjoy any of the ones up until this most recent one. So i will not be hurt if you don't watch i'm actually encouraging you to not watch any of the this is you and everybody else. I would start at the very first one that that is currently on their called mycosis here the rest of it is just kind of panicking trying to design things. It's not really worth it so but if you'd like to go watch it if you're one of those people like so watch streams go for it. I'm so excited. I am scared but i'm and that's why we drink. Climate change public health economic shifts and social inequality. we've faced grand challenges in these areas and more. Join us on access to excellence the podcast. Where george mason. University's thought leaders explore global issues and the paths forward podcast dot. Gm you dot edu climate change public health economic shifts and social inequality we face grant challenges in these areas and more. join us on access to excellence. The podcast where george mason. University's thought leaders explore global issues and the paths forward podcast dot. Gm you dot edu.

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284 - MFM Guest Host Picks #7: Kara Klenk

My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

1:18:58 hr | 3 months ago

284 - MFM Guest Host Picks #7: Kara Klenk

"Exactly rain obsessed with everything crime then. Mtv's true crime. Weak is for you. Starting tuesday july thirteenth dive into shocking. All new cases with the premiere of true-life crime then on thursday come out of the shadows with the return of the docu series families of the mafia. You can't miss. Mtv's true crime weak. It all starts with the premiere of true-life crime tuesday july thirteenth at ten pm eastern nine pm central on mtv. Today's episode is brought to you by stillwater. From focus features starring matt damon and directed by tom mccarthy only in theaters july thirtieth still waters the most powerful motion picture of the summer matt damon plays bill baker a blue collar worker from oklahoma who must travel to marseille france to exonerate his estranged daughter from a murder charge. Secrets run deep. Still water is in theaters. July thirtieth goodbye. Hello hello welcome to my favorite murder. I am your guest host cara clank. I am the co host of. That's messed up. An se you podcast. Also on the exactly right network. And i'm really excited to be hosting today. I have known georgia for a long time fun fact. I was at the halloween party. Where karen and georgia met for the first time. A small apartment party here in beautiful los angeles a halloween party. Karen was dressed as a nurse. Georgia was dressed as glenn. Dan's ag- i was dressed as a three blind wise. But my third blind mice. It was me and my husband and we had a third mouse who got social anxiety and didn't come so we were too blind mice but i remember them needing there. That's where i met karen. I admit georgia before. And i believe that parties where i met karen and i just had been friends with them ever since and i love them and i am so beyond thrilled to be on their network obviously there. They have made a huge mark with my favorite murder. It's one of the og true grandpa gas. And i'm just so excited that we get to bring our little svu slash true crime slash comedy podcasts to their family and yeah let's get started Okay the first story that i've chosen to highlight in. Today's episode is from the brilliantly. Funny karen co gareth who i share initials west and it is episode. Ninety one live at the sony centre in toronto and it is the story of paul bernardo and karla homolka a famous canadian. Couple also known as the kennan barbie killers who committed just heinous heinous crimes but we also covered this. I believe in our second episode of that's messed up and view gusts and i just love. I picked both my both stories. I picked for karen and georgia. Today are ones that we've also covered. Because i just like hearing the way we cover them in different ways and i love the way karen tells it and you're going to as well here you go so onto the murder outright. Oh shit girl yes okay. So this had ears sneaky. Pete helping my perfect vision. And you're really good upside-down reader this heavy hitter. I'm sorry no go heavy hitters episode. I think happy heavy hitter. But it's also it's also apology makeup work for the city of toronto in the country. As a whole we owe you guys guys long long ago. One thousand nine hundred sixty eight when we started this podcast and i thought it was kind of like. I thought it was what we were talking about it to be one. We first conceived of it was. Hey you all in your living room. We'll just talk about serial killers and murder and true crime and stuff that we're kind of fascinated by casually conversation and very quickly learned that that is absolutely not the way you can talk about true crime because you have to know years and cities and facts dates and the truth is really important. It's a big part of it. Yeah and i think it was around like the third. I think they knew they were ready to tell you 'cause they're pets. Oh i did this one. And i talked through it as if it happened to my neighbor i was so young back then the whole reason i wanted to because i had one actually like one person away from one degree away story that i loved to tell all the time. And that's what. I was building the whole concept around but like i didn't do any research at all and i remember some girl emailing or tweeting. But she was just like that was horrible. And then i was like yeah. That was horrible. You're right and then this whole time. I've been saving it to come to to redo it. Because i felt bad. It was quite. It was quite an awakening to realize that. I just signed up for podcast where i had to do. A fucking book reported every week my jam as you can well as you well know but anyway tonight. I'm going to do the case of the schoolgirl. Killers the kennan barbara killers. Paul bernardo and karla homolka for visitors boyfriends girlfriends. People who've never come before dad. We're not cheering for the murderers. Were not if feels like we. Are i understand why that would bother person. And maybe scare them to death. That's not what's happening at least with me. I shouldn't speak for everybody. I got most of the research from this. Retelling of the factual story From the a and e series biography that they did on these murders which is actually incredibly thorough and they had a scottish narrator. Which i think is bold. Definitely guy was sick that day. The canadian guide that they had for it will. It was youtube. So it's international. I guess unless they do only canadian youtube here like that's the thing they don't tell you about canada and take over your youtube and the internet like this site can't be seen canadian. Sorry about that. The other chunk of information or bunch of information that i got was i stumbled upon this amazing article on a website called the walrus so good. That's gone so a girl. Woman named stacey may fowles wrote this. She is from scarborough. She was eleven years old at the time that the scarborough rapist was at the height of like his reign of terror and she wrote a beautiful article that i highly recommend you go read called boy next door. It's amazing it. I cried at the end. It was really fucking great. It made me really happy. And i stole stole stole. Okay okay. so power nardo was born. Nineteen sixty four in scarborough ontario He was the youngest child. To kenneth and maryland bernardo an unhappy couple. Isn't that how these always start. I mean what what couple that we know. These stories is happy or sober. His father would later face charges of being peeping tom and a pedophile and a he also molested paul sister so that things were happening from jump for paul he also physically verbally abused his whole family and he often called his wife bitch and big fat cow. His mother was a depressive. I wonder why and she'd she'd often leave the family the weekend and just go stay with her family and after a while in this family things got so bad that she just went down and lived in the basement. Yeah that's how some people cope. Just you'd go as low as you can just way down there by the christmas decorations so now so dark. It just like ma no. That's okay. I'll do so. Although paul bernardo was described as a happy child as a youth he when he joined the boy scouts all the people. The leaders noticed that he really loved starting fires. That was his boy scout jamil. Aren't they supposed to start. I mean there's got scared for a minute. But then i was like wait a minute but it's like you get your back and then and then you don't need to stop bunch of other fires. Okay got it. Is the thing smart. So one thousand nine hundred ninety one. When he was sixteen he found out that kenneth he wasn't his biological father and he lost his shit honestly. Although in retrospect i would feel pretty good about it. Yeah that's a positive that peeping. Tom is not your dad. Quit crying everything's fine. But of course even sixteen this had has life is like he founded. His whole life was ally so he was furious at his mother. His mother the whole thing started calling her slut and whore you know. And she started calling him bastard all the time just fucking time sunday to sunday narda house come over for dinner. You're going to love it okay. So after he graduates from high school he gets a job with amway. Are you guys familiar with amway. It's like a pyramid scheme. It's weird they just sent. They sell a bunch of different shit. But it's like really the point is that you get more people that you know to come in and sell this weird like laundry detergent shit disappear game. it's like karen. Have you noticed how. Clean my shirt. I actually did notice that here at lunch. Like will be with that one of yes. I want my shirt. Ub that clean. They're really not that clean but what he really picked up from working there. Was this the what they call the polemic. Sales culture didn't look it up. Not sure what it means. But what i assume. It needs pushy pushy. Pushy like they don't take no for an answer and they get you from every direction. They're super manipulative. Or it could mean casual. That's the joy of this podcast. It's all question mark. We have to stay true to some of our roots. Yes or else. It won't be the podcast you listen to. That's right. I had to leave. One thing unresearched. Just so you knew. I was still me. I gotta be me okay. He starts using these sales techniques to pick up women by the time he begins because women love detergent starts going to school at the university of toronto at scarborough. He is displaying go raccoons. He's displaying all the signs of being a psychopath. Charming outgoing life of the party but also an incredibly sinister dark side that only a couple people know about like his girlfriend's who keep breaking up with him all of his relationship like link time length. Just keep getting shorter and shorter because women are get go out with them and then they're just like sorry. You're not allowed to call me a slut only known you for three days. We'll see later. So he actually threatened to kill a couple of his girlfriends if they ever told abuse if he was to them in their private learning he was fixated on conquering women. He he was just obsessed with picking them up having sex with them and then making them do whatever he wanted all right. So that's paul bernardo in a nutshell. There's i'm sure there's tons of other things to say about it. But now carla. This is because that obsession that he had making women do whatever he wanted. That's where carla homolka comes into the scene. She was born in one thousand nine hundred poor credit ontario. Her father was traveling salesman an alcoholic. of course she had two younger sisters lori and tammy karla was also a bright student. She was she she. Their father was drunk was a drunk that would insult the whole family and then he would go down into the base finding that fucking weird. What are the chances say. they're like. Yeah no everyone's parents said that. That's canada as the cats are they. Just don't tell them eric. Don't tell us about what if it's very healing to go into the mason. It's actually very good for you. They're just like that's our secret. It's good for your skin. Okay so also. When carla's mother found out that her father was having an affair. She told him it was fine and to invite the mistress in for montage law. So there's a lot of bad relationship patterning for both of these people. If i had a tiny red flag i would take. It would be fun so she was described as a child is being stubborn domineering she. She was a rebel in high school. She cut herself. She would always claim that she was going to commit suicide to get attention. She graduated in nineteen eighty eight and she became a full-time veterinary technician up until that last part. That was so me. so man. Okay in may of nineteen eighty-seven in scarborough a twenty one year. Old woman gets off the bus. She's followed by a man who was on the buses well and he comes up from behind assaults her and she ends up being the first victim of the scarborough rapist Over the next thirteen months these assaults continue and they escalate very quickly. This carber rapists begins raping. Women orally vaginal annually. Cutting them or penetrating them with a knife shop. Some he punches him in the face. He stole one victims. Id noted her home address and then threatened to kill her family. He broke another victims arm. All the victims were attacked from behind. None of them saw his face but they all described him as a tall young man with light hair while he was attacking them. He made them call themselves. Degrading names like slut and whore so the police call in the fbi immediately to profile this rapist. Just great move and they bring in fbi agent. Greg mccurry you have seen this guy on every crime show there is he is the guy. He's the fbi agent with the gray hair. Who looks really tired of crime. He's like so fucking sick of people being bad to each other so like when he's explaining stuff he's kind of quiet like this but he's just he's kinda like man's inhumanity to man that's what he's saying no matter what he's actually saying that's always what he say. I love greg mccreary okay. So he does a profile on the rapist. He says this is a sadistic rapist with a high probability of escalation Young in his early twenties local intelligent high functioning independent living situation so probably living with family so crazy that he was able to determine yet they know all that shit and then a psychopath obviously so in april one thousand nine hundred eighty eight and nineteen year. Old woman is attacked after getting off the bus. She was actually pulled between two houses and raped and yelled for help. And the people in the house has heard her and didn't respond. Oh guys that's not how we do it so the next month the total number of known scarborough rapist victims had risen to seven. So this little this little bit crazy constable vic clark told the press quote. Don't expect people to watch out for you if you happen to come back at one. Am in the morning off the bus police right like the police. He said it'd be nice to think that you can go anywhere you like nowadays but don't put yourself in a vulnerable position. Hold hold your. Hey because this same month alderman. John mackey proposed a curfew for women for finally. Get him on the street. We've been waiting. We told what time we're safe just the logic there. Yeah you're you're curfew in the gender. That is not anybody no now. Come on on in a refreshing turn. The toronto transit commission instituted its requests. Stop program which meant that women rode. The bus at night could tell the bus driver. You can drop me right here in front of my fucking house and you didn't have to wait till the next bus stop so that women could get delivering exactly to where they needed to be how. That's that's what you do. That's problem solving right there. Moving here immediately okay. October seventeenth nineteen eighty-seven. Carla mocha is now age seventeen and she meets paul bernardo age twenty three in a hotel restaurant in scarborough two hours later. They're having sex in her hotel room. Which no judgment. Hey look if anybody else we'd be into it. The friends who were with both of them that day said that the chemistry was palpable. Like it was in the air and when to psychopaths fall in love. So i picture of the happy couple barbie and ken. We'll get those warm welcoming is both of them. They're just wouldn't you love to sit in a hotel. Restaurant and stare across at her satanic satanic is and then his whatever they're doing is and is tiny tiny teeth with a fake smile surrounding them. He's like this is what humans do cameras. This is it i well. Carlos family thinks that bernardo is great. They they don't mind the different her parents. Don't mind the age difference. He's smart good looking. He's trained be an accountant. Her sisters think of him as the brother. They never had a soon. He's coming to her. She still lives with her parents and soon she's dry. He's driving to her house like a couple times a week. I think it was an eighty mile drive from scarborough to sink catharines which is where she lived. She breaks her friends about how mature twenty-three-year-old boyfriend is within a year. She's confiding to them that he has become verbally abusive to her but she always forgives him december twenty four thousand nine hundred eighty nine. They take a trip to niagara falls and they get engaged. Did someone applaud. I think someone took their compact out of their purse because they have something in there. I and i love love. And i don't care. She's just like okay so they plan to marry in spring of nineteen ninety one. The families thrilled in may of nineteen ninety. Six months later the scarborough police released a composite. Sketch of the scarborough rape is based on all of the victims. Telling the police sketch artist. So can we see that holland. So excited stephen. I wish you a crop that up a little higher checking. Why do we pay. You gotta be left here. Ripped off his mustache and left. Looks like a fucking nazi youth. He looks like he's in the style council he looks. Can i add another one. Yeah he looks like when you walk by like achieve hair salon and they have. This is the the call this girl rapist. I hate to say it out loud. I love this car grow rapist. Look is it wrong. Sweep over with the great on my giant. For head okay. Well here's what's crazy is paul bernardo's friends and his co workers. See this and they're like ring ring ring nine one one or whatever. It is in canada. Now gimme the fuck and police right now. A ton of people that he worked with and that we're friends with him. Call the police over nardo and can we do the side by side. Comparison ya shit. I don't see it now. I'm saying puck man. Okay so the police bring him in for an interview polite. He's charming and he's calm like any good psychopath would be he volunteers dna. Why can't be you collect hair blood and saliva samples that are sent to the lab where they will sit two years like it's nineteen ninety Okay so then. He moves in with carla and her parents in saint catharines and suddenly the scarborough rape stop. That's crazy. He tells carla that. So this is this is where it gets. I mean we knew this was going to happen but this is so fucked. So he tells carla that she can't give him the one thing he really wants. Which is her virginity. Because she already gave that away so she can still give it to him just through the person closest to harare no her fifteen year old sister. Tammy and carla grease so on december twenty third after the whole rest of the family goes to bed pollen. Carl invite tammy to stay up with them. After the and carla has crushed sleeping pills and animal tranquilizers that she stole from her job. All my god is a vet. Yeah sir yeah into her drink. She loses consciousness Carla puts a rag soaked with the drug. How how athene over her face. Paul rape sir. When paul's done he tells carla he wants her to rape her a she does. All of it is on videotape So in the middle of that tammy begins to vomit and then choke on her own. And paul carla rush. Put her clothes back on her and then call an ambulance in the early hours of december. Twenty four th nineteen ninety tammy hulkah- is pronounced dead and aside from them serious. Burn marks on her face. Which carlin paul say must have been rug burns. Her death is ruled an accident. A month later pollen carla. Move out of her parents. House in saint catharines. They move into a two story. House import to lucy. I did it right job. Thank you because i spelled it. It looks like dil. Louisi- kind of just went for that. I really did thank you so much. It was really fucking scary. it's terrifying. there's so many people like you guys made us chair not you guys. This has made a scared of saying places in the world's never say it right. I mean it's it's not your fault it's our fault but still it's your fault. Okay when they're in their own house. He starts physically abusing carla and then when she threatens to leave him she he reminds her. He is a videotape of hirsch killing her own sister. And so she. S assay june fifteenth. Nineteen ninety-one Paul wigs carla up in the middle of the night to tell her he has a surprise. He has kidnapped fourteen year. Old leslie mahaffy out of her own backyards. This is super fox. Leslie had gone out for the day. I think i read something where it said that. She was at a friend's funeral and then she stayed out past her curfew so she probably like. If a friend died she got drunk with her friends or something and when she got home it was passed curfew. Her parents locked out at house. Oh so she went into the backyard. And that's when paul bernardo saw her and he lured her into his car with a cigarette offering her cigarette. She was like sure and then he ends up. Kidnapping are taking her to the house. paulin carla videotape themselves. Raping torturing for twenty four hours then strangle her cut upper body and case in cement and dump it in lake gibson park two weeks later on june twenty-ninth nineteen ninety-one to fishermen spot some strange blocks in the lake as their fishing when they look closer. They see the human flesh is sticking out of the cement. It's the body of leslie mahaffy's on the same day that her body is found. Paul bernardo and carlo mocha get married in a catholic church in niagara on the lake in front of one hundred friends and family. When in a special that. I was watching when it switched from that to the video of their fucking fucked up early nineties wedding it like their version of chills. I got were like this. Is insanity these are people who are completely cut off from any reality of one time. It was horrifying and the hair and address so ugliest. I'm sure that was part of that. Now paul starts telling carla that he wants her to invite tammy's friends over to the house so that he can do the same thing tammy's friends and she does so they start drugging. These girls were friends with her sister and love. These girls had no memory of anything happening. They only found out after the video tapes were found and then they were informed that that had happened to them. Oh my god. I couldn't darker okay. On april sixteenth. One thousand nine hundred to pollen. Carla are driving around looking for a new victim. They're just full on sucking predators. They see a fifteen year old girl named kristen french. Who's walking home from school. They pull into a church. parking lot. Carla gets out holding a map. And then when chris walk by she waves of sorry. I need to know directions. And they pull her into the car and kidnap her. But this time there's witnesses so people saw people actually saw kristen get taken but when they report to the police. Multiple people say that it was beige camaro so immediately. The police realize a girls were kidnapped. A girl's body has been found. We've got something serious happening. They start They put together what they called the green ribbon task force dedicated to figuring out what the fuck is going on and the green river test scores puts up this billboard immediately. Have you seen this car. Wanted in the abduction of kristen french. And there's the grid hotline. The only problem was that. Paul bernardo drove a gold nissan. He did not drive a beige. Camaro So it was a huge mislead april thirtieth nineteen ninety-two kristen's body is found in a ditch in burlington. She's clearly been tortured. Her hair been cut off then. The violence within the marriage begins escalate on january fifth. Nineteen ninety-three carla goes to the emergency room. He has a paul's beaten her with a flashlight. She has two black. Is that go from like here to here. And they're dark purple. She has broken ribs extreme bruising before she leaves the house to go to the emergency room she tries to go find the video tapes and she can't find them anywhere twenty days later january. Twenty fifth nineteen ninety-three dna samples comeback. That bernard had given to scarborough police and they match the dna of the scarborough rapist. So the toronto police bring carla in to talk to her because they know you talk to the wife like basically they have to break the news to her and then try to get information in our boy. Fbi agent greg mccreary who leads the interview with the degree ribbon task force did was there to a did the. They knew everything that was going on. They knew so then accuser of anything. They were more talking to her like they're being understanding. Yes basically trying to get information out of her so basically once she talks to the police she kind of knows that the closing in on them so she goes to an uncle and she confesses everything. She tells the everything that they've done and the uncle says you have to get lawyer right now. So she tells the lawyer you have to get full immunity for my. I'll testify against my husband but you have to give me immunity. So then she ends up making a full confession saying that paul's scarborough rapist that he's responsible for the murders of kristen. French leslie mahaffy and her sister tammy and that. She was forced to participate in all of it against her will and then she says all the proof that they need is in their house mom those videotapes if they just find them so february. Nine thousand nine hundred ninety three. A search warrant is executed in bernardo home. There's a seventy one day search buck. Yeah they just kept looking because they couldn't fuck and find these videotapes anywhere and they ended up not being able to find them in the house so without evidence without that kind of evidence they only have carlos testimony so they have to plea bargain with her because yeah she they need her testimony so she agrees to testify against him. In exchange for reduced sentence. The whole deal was kept secret from the public to ensure a fair trial for paul bernardo so reporters were allowed in the courtroom the day of her sentencing but they were only allowed. It was it was a publicity ban. They were called. They called it and they were only allowed to report on what the charges were and what the sentence was. They weren't allowed report on anything. So of course this made all the press. Go crazy of like. How bad is this. This must be the worst thing ever. Because they never do stuff like this. So in july of nineteen ninety-three carlo mauka pleads guilty to two counts of manslaughter and she receives two twelve year sentences to be served concurrently. No that was her deal. She sent to kingston prison and then soon after she files for divorce. September right like at this point. Don't worry about it cut bait baby. Yeah get out a lawyers. Like i'm not also doing that. Yes you can't amy and now she's like. Hey every psychopath for themselves. I don't have a conscience. So i don't care about you. My husband okay. So in september. Nineteen ninety-four paul bernardo's lawyer quits. He's not gonna represent him anymore about it was well. It turns out that the reason that the cops couldn't find those videotapes inside. Their house is because paul bernardo's lawyer had gone into the house and taken them out. No they were hidden in just for future. Use if you ever looking for anything or need to hide anything. They were upstairs in a bathroom ceiling. Light sister up like hidden up above a dick. Yeah the lawyer dick lawyer but then when he quit he gave the tapes to the next lawyer who is representing. paul bernardo. That guys like y'all. I'm gonna go ahead and give these to the cops the law. I mean right. Yeah let me just say this though. Not right away really like two weeks later. Oh thought about it. I mean. I dunno slept on it. I mean for two weeks. She thought about in then he was like. Oh i don't wanna beat the devil like the rest of the people. Okay so a may eighteenth. Nineteen ninety-five paul. Bernardo's trial begins. Oh sorry so once. The police have the tapes. They have to look at them. They see what's on them and they realize that her story of paul being fully responsible for everything is a total fucking lie and that she was happily participating in all of it in as coldly and horribly as he was and that yes she was clearly an abused wife but still on the videotape. Didn't seem to be having a problem with any of it. And then realized that they called it the deal with the devil where they just basically do they. They give her the easiest way out and she was just as guilty as he was loud according to the videotape which is pretty objective. Okay so may. Eighteenth nineteen ninety-five paul. Bernardo's trial begins. The defense claims. The karla was the one who turned pollen to a murderer he was just a plain rapist. She thought in yoko ono that shit she got in there and she sucked it up and she should have a curfew. But then carla gives her testimony and then on september. First nineteen ninety-five the jury deliberates eight hours and then finds paul bernardo guilty of all nine charges against him including two counts of first degree murder. Yup he's sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. Four twenty five years. Oh that's not long enough. Nine thousand nine hundred five. No dilemma. can't okay that soon okay He was also a couple months. Later declared a dangerous offender which meant that he would likely spend the rest of his life in jail. Don't clap so fast into thousand. One and ontario court ordered that all evidence. From the paul bernardo carla home olga cases be destroyed so leslie mahaffy and kristen. French is parents and a bunch of the officers and the detectives that worked on the case went down and witnessed all of the pictures and all of the videotape and all of the evidence from the entire case watched it all get destroyed which makes me very happy in two thousand five thirty five year. Old carla mocha was released from prison after serving twelve year sentence. Donut feels like you're bullying us. She moved to montreal. She changed her name to leeann. -til oh we know who she is. Leeann -til that's what. I would have changed my name to if i had to move away. His a great color and leeann is a name. No one uses anymore. She got married and in two thousand seven she had a baby. No nah when it was recently discovered that she was volunteering at her child school and in june that school just released a statement not naming any names but saying that they do not allow anyone with a criminal record on their property so she no longer volunteers for her child. Stephen picture of this is modern day. I wondered at a school. Did everyone like recognize her and she was. I think there's people out there that are like excuse me. I know who she is like. There's she couldn't move back to her hometown. Which is what she was going to do when she first got so she had to move to montreal. I'm sure it's great. I love french people but had to montreal jazzy. Fbi profiler greg mccreary believes carlo maga may have been more psychopathic than paul bernardo Being that she was able to live with the murder of her own sister. Just the but i mean you can't compare psychopathy i don't think but I like the idea that he was like. You know something to think about. And the whole time i was. It's a thing where you're like. Well when battered women aren't they. You've battered spouse syndrome. You're in that situation. What would you do or what would you be forced to do or whatever then. I read this this piece of information that that was pretty bone-chilling when carlos mogo was questioned fingerprinted by the police. They noticed that she was wearing a mickey mouse watch. That looked a lot like the one kristen french was wearing when she disappeared. Case your worries about carl that she was being persecuted. I don't. I don't think if you were in that situation that you just be like. Oh a trophy. Yeah yeah okay my hands. Because i'm gripping this micro our tightly. Because i'm like oh my god all right. It's almost over the good way in two thousand. Seventeen paul bernardo. That's this year. So he has served twenty two years of his sentence already which means that they're now starting to discuss a role issues despite being declared a dangerous offender. He is in two thousand eighteen note this year. He's he's eligible for day parole. Which means you get to leave jail and then come back in the evening. No that's not how prison well i have. One hearing was supposed to be in august and they pushed it to october so happening on the stage. Hey what hellofresh get fresh premeasured ingredients and mouth-watering seasonal recipes delivered right to your door. You can skip trips to the grocery store and count on hellofresh to make home cooking. Easy fun and affordable. That's why it's america's number one meal. Kit hellofresh cuts out stressful meal. Planning on grocery store trip so you can enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table and just about thirty minutes or less. Try hellofresh quick and easy meals. 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Arnott's hearing will likely take place at the mill haven institute in bath which is near kingston. Which is where. He has been serving his life sentence. He is eligible for full parole in two thousand eighteen. So we'll see how goes you guys don't do it. Don't please do who here's deciding. Okay so i just want to read you. The final paragraph of stacey may fowles article. 'cause i loved it so much. It's it's this quote. I came across a story that ran in the star published. Soon after the trial concluded which argued that bernardo was not the monster. We wanted to believe him to be but rather one of us a product of our culture. A man groomed with a pervasive violent hatred of women. Mary lou mcvay drian. A women's rights advocates spoken. The of the insidious impact bernardo hat on our community that he had created an ambient trauma even for those who have not been directly victimized by him it is wound that will probably never heal. The bernardo case has been played out as a titillating drama. She said and we fail to understand what it's done to us. Wow that's it so fucked up really terrible. You made up for episode three. I can't say sorry any more than what i just did. That's all i can do. Let's go back to episode. Three stephen take this note takeout karen story this just out of the blue wait. Can i retail the whole reason. I told that story in the first place that story of my friends. Oh is this like this one last thing. Hoops so cold and dry No i forgot is fast. Okay my friend. So paul greenberg. Who was on a sketch called the vacant lot. You should know him love him. He is from here hilarious man now. He lives in los angeles. You might hate it because of that anyhow. He's the one that told me the story. His mother was an artist and she lived in a high rise apartment building that a pool at a on the roof and she lived in scarborough at the time. That all these things were going on in the beginning of it. Not not the couple's schoolgirl killer time in the scarborough rapist time. She goes up on to swim one day. It's daytime there's nobody out there and she's doing laps she is. I believe at the time she was in her late. Sixties early seventies. She's doing laps in the pool and a young man comes out onto the roof as well and she doesn't really pay attention she's just doing her lapse and then she finally looks up and realizes he's just standing at the end of the pool staring at her and as she's doing her laps it's like he's just standing over her watching her slim and she is super freaked out by it and really scared and it's getting to the point. He starts walking along the side of the pool as she's wins and so she's shitting and not the way she would tell the story. I'm sure until the fucking roof door bursts open and like three families with kids. Run out and she's like out of here okay. So she goes right back down to her apartment and sketches his face. Well when that when that scarborough rapist picture came out. She went and pulled the sketch out and showed paul. And she's like that's the man that was on the roof and it was the exact same guy. Oh my gosh yeah chills. I know. I love a firsthand. I'm sorry absolutely. It's the best job thank you. That's okay too much. There's too much clapping. It's too much clapping. It went from us needing and loving it and making anything up for a lot of love. We lost children the clapping to ruining our own clapping right. I hope you guys enjoyed that. Extremely extremely dark story. I am always impressed by how karen can make it so funny even though it is truly about the most depraved people on the planet. But let's get to our next story that i've chosen which is from my favorite murder episode. Sixty three the episode is called stevens tuxedo. And this is the story that the delightfully talented georgia. Hard stark told about joseph. Edward duncan and this is another crime. As i mentioned that we covered on our podcast because svu did cover it on their television show. And it's also you know a very harrowing difficult story but really really interesting and georgia tells it perfectly ready for a serial killer. I am real horrible guy. Here we go. Joseph edward duncan the third the The way i was born in february twenty on february twenty fifth nineteen. Sixty three in tacoma washington and. I said that he looks like the actor. Ben mendelsohn who is the older brother from bloodline. That guy's got kind of a lisp and he's like a bright and he's like an actor and he's kinda well hot bloodline was he the bad one. Yeah he's long. Everyone's worried about sakai's amazing. Yeah looks like him. So creepy skinny. Just an idea okay. So in nineteen seventy six. He's fifteen years old and he commits his first recorded. Sex crime he at fifteen. He rapes and nine year. Old boy at gunpoint. Fuck yeah i said i was going to raise it fifteen. And he was raping children at gun. Point puck what happened to him. No and i can't find a lot of information on it. Okay so clearly something horrible. Yeah it is fucking head. I mean and then he went to a boys. I mean it's like they go to juvie then they get raped. It's terrible and their mom. Like i don't want to get as gross as i feel like it. I mean we really should say the worst things in the world and be ready. Okay the following. You want to say it. But it's so horrifying. That like i say it and then stephen will bleep it. Okay i read somewhere. And maybe it was ted bundy's mom or some like some killers mom that like when he she would take them to go to the bathroom. She would pinches penis as a kid. I think ed is that again so he wouldn't go. I don't know if he didn't do it he she would get mad at him pinch. And it's like how do you not have a sexual fucking status on your hands. Yes on your gross pans on your filthy disgusting you know that's horrifying penis pinching hands. I'm pretty sure that's ed gains mother. She was out of her. That's right didn't he. He killed her right no. She died of natural causes. He kept her in the highs and played with her body and and like wore herve face in the moonlight. pretty sure. sorry steve. That's romantic wash it nipple belt so unbelievable now. Okay your belt is that him. Yeah that's our guy. Should we give a shout out to the girl man. We're going need to post this but like we got this like gift once and it was a box and there these like crocheted belts in it. And you're like okay all right. We're yarn crochet belt. Was that in oakland i. It was the oakland show. No no it was sent here. Oh sent oh yeah. Because then the guy's laughed. And i went to take a photo of it. And as i'm looking through the lens i realized that it's a crocheted nipple bell and it's like every different color nipple like different races of nipples and it's an. I just lost my mind in like joy. I like how creative like. That's description of murdering is like our listeners. Is someone crochet fucking multicultural nipple belt and nibble bell giving egging shout out. Also the fact that you had to have that realization alone. It's actually almost perfect. Yeah that like growing has horror we were we were like. Is it a. Is it a cat toy like weird round. We had no idea. And then i. It just made me so happy when i realized how awful. It wasn't the hat cutest way. Because you couldn't tell you had a magic. I post or you really start it for a while to understand that hideous dolphin. I gotta post it okay. Anyway the following year. Joseph duncan is arrested for driving a stolen car. And that's when he's sentenced as a juvenile and sent to dislodge boys ranch in tacoma. Which you know is probably a hell hole nightmare. He tells his therapist when he's there that he had bound and sexually assaulted six boys and also tells the therapists that he had raped around thirteen younger boys by the time he was sixteen. The fuck yeah. So he's a serial rapists. Yeah imagine losing count. He said around thirteen boys. What does that therapist fucking go home. That night and drink they're just lying ally become a sea captain bullshit. I'm going to be a librarian now to the lighthouse. He said i'm going to get a cat you know you don't maybe just a ton of catholic dirty cast just pet him just surround myself with cac yep In one thousand nine hundred eighty still in tacoma he steals guns from a neighbor and abducts a fourteen year old boy again. Rapes him at gunpoint For that sentenced to twenty years in prison but he's released on parole in ninety four after serving fourteen years then. He's arrested in ninety six for america for marijuana use but he's released on parole a few weeks later but with new restrictions and then in ninety seven. He's around thirty four. He's arrested in kansas and returned to prison after violating the terms of his parole. But he's released from prison three years later in july two thousand with time off for good good old serial rapists of good and prison. Clean your fucking trae at the canteen who that mess mess hall and you can leave so that okay. So in the summer of two thousand fourteen. He's accused of molesting a six-year-old boy at a park in detroit lake minnesota but he's not captured until march of two thousand and five and he's held on fifteen thousand dollars bond. So there's a dude who's a businessman from fargo who somehow dunkin had become acquainted with. Who helped him post bail Fifteen thousand dollars. Under what brand of pedophile he allegedly allegedly businessman. Yeah yeah i mean vary allegedly. Yeah if he wasn't he must hate himself now true. What if he was just trying to be like a good samaritan. Yeah down on his luck. Oh he says he didn't. He said he didn't molest a six year old boy at a park. So maybe he didn't. And i'm gonna spend half of some people salary you're getting anyways. Dunkin's gets down k. Two months later in two thousand and five kootenai county idaho. Authorities discovered the bodies of brenda grown forty her boyfriend and her thirteen year. Old son there in their family. Home near court elaine. And they'd been bound and died of blunt force. Trauma to the head and brenda's two other children shasta. Who's eight and dylan his eight this once online now. It's so whore okay. I know. I almost didn't do it because it's so bad i have to do with the shit out but i didn't know that this guy had so much background to him i didn't but it makes perfect sense. Of course he does. But oh my god. Oh my god. It's just one of those stories that you can't fucking believe israel yes. I can still see the tv when i was watching the news and then showing the tv foot okay. Yes sorry telling are going to say but you're gonna give away on to tell your story. I'm talking about it. But i i saw two. It's just burned in my mind. Okay so shasta is. Eight dylan is nine. They're missing. they're missing from the house and the three others. The three older people are dead and so they issue an amber alert and they come the area and they can't find the kids towel six weeks later in july. Two thousand and five shasta is recognized from her amber alert by a waitress a manager and to customers at a denny's in but then they're back in court. D'alene quarterlane is is it Quarterlane the workers freak the fuck out immediately phone the police and they position themselves to prevent dunkin from leaving police officers arrive at the restaurant. They arrest dunkin without incident and chasta's taken to the hospital to be reunited with her dad. And so the footage we're talking about is them walking into the fucking denny's and she's got her arms crossed. She's like this little longer. All he's as creepy looks like jon. Mendelsohn ben mendelsohn and she's got her arms crossed in. It's clear something is wrong. Yes and you wonder. If you've seen that would you have thought something was going on to if they must have. Because i remember reading about the waitress coming to the table and being like i don't like the feel here you okay. Yeah what's going on. And i think she waited. Did he go to the bathroom. There was some moment she had with shasta believe before where she was like. This isn't good and she called the police low. What's so weird about it as you. I have to wonder they went back to the town. They were from so everyone in that town must have known intimately what both maybe they didn't know what she looked like. Yes so there was another sighting of them. You know in another state that they later realized happened in the for the the woman who worked at the store. It was like a gas station was like i thought it might be her. But i wasn't sure so. I didn't do anything about it. And it's like well someone in your town would have done something and it also tells you like if you have a bad feeling about something. Don't worry about hurting the dads fucking feelings. If this child looks in distress at least talked to one other person about it. Yeah if you if you don't send up a red flag ever feel bad feelings but there's definitely if you're in tune enough. There's when you know something's wrong you know what's wrong entrust yourself. I've always thought that. Like if i see a kid who looks uncomfortable or in distress or not. Not feeling like they're supposed to be. It's okay for me to go up to like. Hey what's your name. You know like engage with the kid. I'm not a fucking dude. So it's not creepy but like don't do that if you're a guy. Tell a woman to do that. But you know it'd be like what's your name and if you fucking sense something is wrong like you can just tell body language with a kid. Yeah something isn't right. I mean there should be. I wish there was some kind of like set processor keyword. Whatever this the yeah. Listen right down. Everyone's license plate every creepy dudes license plate at all the time. You don't need to work quit your job. Get spiral notebook. Sit in front of a gas station and just write down license plates for awhile done. But i i adore that denny's waitress. Oh just because you know that first of all if they were she's probably working the night shift she's seen some looney tunes you know. She doesn't call the cops every time she sees a scraggly. Now mendelssohn type. No we shouldn't involve that actor at all. Like what the fuck fuck you know. We've just got fucking cast on the lifetime movie this motherfucker in case you're welcome. Ben mendelsohn creating work year. Welcome baba hospital all right here. Here's work it's awful. So shasta tells investigators that the night of her abduction. Her mother had called her into the living room from the bedroom where she had been sleeping. She saw dunkin like the the dunkin was like. Call your kids in here right now. She sees hint dunkin wearing black gloves and holding a gun. He ties her mother's hands with nylons if ties as well as other stance and her brother slade. Then he takes dylan the chest and her her little brother dylan out out of the house. They get inside his stolen rental car. And then duncan goes back into the house. She hears her mother's fiancee scream. And then sees her injured older brother staggering away from the entrance to the home. But she didn't witness dunkin bludgeoning the three of them to death he bludgeoned them to death. Tied them up and bludgeon them. Fuck when chasta's asked where her brother dylan is she said in heaven. There may be some evidence down in the low forest. Because that's where we were. What does that mean on july fourth. Two thousand and five dylan's remains were discovered at a campsite near saint regis montana. He'd been sexually assaulted and then killed with a shot in the head after which his body had been burned and shasta fucking witnessed the whole thing. Oh god i know dunkin had also filmed. Dylan's final hours and duncan can be audibly. Heard in the video which was shown to the fucking jury. Can you fucking imagine how much therapy evening after that. Oh my god saying the devil likes to watch children's suffer and cry chefs has also repeatedly tortured and sexually assaulted. But supposedly he falls in love with her and decides to return her home which is why they were back in her town when muster monster. Yeah dunkin later confesses that he had entered. The home of the family slept with the express intention of murdering the parents and kidnapping the children. He claims he wanted. He wanted revenge in society for sending him to prison for twenty years for sexually assaulting a younger boy who was fourteen years old when he himself is only sixteen year olds. He wants revenge against society for being sent to prison for sexually assaulting for being raped. Yep yeah that's not clear thinking no. It's not logical. Assume you're not taking responsibility for your actions. You're not fucking your nakal your doug soon. The devil the devil devil's like dude. Come down fuck. Can you skip to the part where he gets murdered in jail. Please tell me like. Hey man i hurt fucking corrupt attorneys not. Yeah sorry. corrupt attorneys. Sorry crept attorneys. So he slept subsequently charged with murdering dylan as well as the three other family members during his incarceration and authorities are able to link dunkin to the disappearance of anthony michael martinez who is ten years old. When he went missing on april fourth ninety seven while he was playing with friends in the front yard of his home in beaumont california. A man approached. The group asked for help finding a missing kitten while holding out a photo of a cat as well as dollar bill and two. The children ran away in fear. And the kidnapper pulls the knife out grabs anthony and flees in a white car with red pinstripes know-how after two weeks search martinez body is found nude and partially decomposed in indio on april nineteenth ninety seven. He had been sexually assaulted and bound with duct tape. Composite sketches made the suspect and a partial fingerprint. But the case goes cold and then when he when he is incarcerated riverside authorities are able to match the partial fingerprint taken to a dunkin and so they officially announce his connection. He plead guilty in two thousand and eleven. The plea agreement carries a mandatory life sentence. Although he won't get he won't get the death penalty for it in california because he pleads guilty he dunkin also confess to two additional murders white eleven and her sister carmen q. Biased nine relaxing leaving a seattle washington hotel to get cigarettes at a nearby restaurant for an older brother nine. No babies police said that they don't they don't know whether the girls ran away or victims of foul play at the time. Recourse fucking nine year. Old is running away. An eleven year old Then on july six ninety six that happened on july six ninety-six than there remains were found on february tenth nineteen ninety eight in bothell washington by a transient living in an abandoned barn. All three murders occurred dunkin was on parole of those murders. Dunkin has only been charged in the california case in all. He's been convicted in ohio for kidnapping and murder of the three victims for what she was giving. Six life sentences in federal court for kidnapping shasta and dylan and for murdering dylan. He was given three death sentences and three life sentences and in the state of california for kidnapping murdering anthony martinez for which he was given to life. Sentences it's still in jail. He's still jail. He will be forever. Let me check for only if you still alive because he how unless they are keeping him in solitary confinement has not been killed. How has he not been killed by inmates. That's like the. He is exactly the example of a jailhouse justice. Typo situation. Look wanna see his picture. No oh god. Stephen you better watch that mustache. You're looking at and doubting the mustache. Yeah the murdering has got me a mustache. Switchblade okay check. Okay yes please do. Yeah oh the worst face. Not only is he still alive. He's blogging from prison. Hey george you know it's hard to believe this but soon we're all going to start leaving our houses against avot bogus. Untuckit shirts are perfect as we transition back to the things we've been missing karen laying dinner with friends. Reuniting with family and even getting back to the office as you could probably of guests from the name untuckit make shirts designed to be worn untucked and they look and feel great. Whether you pick the performance shirts that wick sweat or the short-sleeved button-down and polos which are also made to beat the heat. See untuckit is all about comfort but they proved that you don't need to sacrifice style to get it. They have fits for all shapes and sizes offering sizes at two extra extra extra large plus. They have slim relaxed and tall fits. And when you feel that it's safe to venture out you can shop in person at one of the untucked it's eighty five stores. Nationwide they have free returns and exchanges to so. This is a great brand shop for gifts for free. So vincent i recently got a couple of pieces from untuckit Vince is a really stylish dude. Without my health and one of the things he does not like is tucked in shirts such not his thing but he does like to dress up his look. Nice so untuckit shirt. They're perfect for that because they're not super long and look like he didn't tuck in his shirt they actually look like. They're supposed to be like that. So he can get dressed staff without looking like a nerd And for me. I got a couple of really nice pieces so when i want to look nice for the office or for meetings i can wear these outfits but still be comfortable which is just my my point in life is to be comfortable so definitely check out their clothes. They're really cool and stylish and cute for me use code. Mfm for twenty percent off your first purchase at untuckit dot com. That's u. n. T. u. c. k. i. t. dot com and use code. Mfm for twenty percent off if you ever had to look for a job you know that it's no picnic and when it comes to hearing about jobs it's nothing but crickets and you feel like a lone wolf lost in the shuffle. Well ziprecruiter knows that the general experience of looking for a job is pretty sucky. That's why they figured out a way to make it unstuck you when you sign up on ziprecruiter dot com. You can create a free profile. Then you get matched to great jobs. Plus a lot. More ziprecruiter will proactively pitch your profile to employers whose jobs matcher experience unlike with other job sites if an actual person from the company really likes what they see. They can personally invite you to apply to the job. Candidates who are invited to apply on ziprecruiter are nearly three times as likely to get hired. Plus if you like the job you can apply to it and many others with just one. Click it's that easy. No wonder ziprecruiter is the number one rated job site in the us so sign up for free dot com today an experienced a better way to find a job once again go to ziprecruiter dot com right now to sign up absolutely free and put ziprecruiter to work for you. Got i well. So he blog. His a blog called the fifth nail. And it's something about how. Jesus was crucified with four nails in. This is now some bullshit only about that fifth now and so. He can't blog from prison but he blogs his day to day life as a sex offender but so he denies being a pedophile but he sends his blog post and writing to people on the outside. Who post it in like. There's some people out there doing his fucking bidding probably pedophile probably pedophile. Yeah perhaps well either way you shouldn't you. You're no good downright puckett piece of shit. It's so funny. That case that little girl and the thing she went to people. I feel like anybody that was like conscious around. That time. Paid attention to anything around that time it also because it was early enough so that there wasn't like nowadays. There's so much awful shit going on as we now everywhere all the time. They're closing down nature. They're closing down schools. They're closing down protecting people who need protection. They're closing down. It's insanity it happens every day but there was a time and i used to think about it a lot in the nineties where we had it. We are just like fat cats. There was nothing going on. It was before we got into that. First war glenn to clinton now he's clinton days it may have been later than that but but still it was like. There wasn't so when something like that came on the news. It was hurt stopping. It was like you've gotta be kidding. Me how did this happen. Yeah no i mean even even the just the last couple of years we hear we hear about every single one of them especially when you're into fucking true crime. Yeah i'm just constantly reading about these things and we're just constantly but back then it was harder to find those things and the detail. You can get now. Yes photos and so it was just as glimpse that you would get. Yeah horrible yeah god. That's yeah sorry. So that's No i mean that's like that was a big one and it's interesting to know that that was a person that started doing that that was that was the internally and intensely damaged individual the like started pretty bad and it got way way way. Were right somewhere along the way you know there could have been intervention and or just something different because it happened. I think it's wendy eventually. Hopefully people start taking rape as a crime more serious as as a real as something that this isn't something to have your hand slapped and walked away from and that a lot of people that do it a do it over and over again and intend to do it over and over again. That's a serious problem with a person. And it's not i feel like there's a lot of people who just think rape is someone who wants to have sex really bad rapist as someone who's just looking for sex when you think about it in in a way which would actually is. Which is the sparking violent insane mine. Who needs to overpower and hurt. And fuck can ruin someone. That's that is a criminal who should not be allowed on the streets after three years of good behavior in prison. How often do they escalate. I mean he albany stories. Do we tell that. Start off with a person doing. It's she he raped a girl in his town again. Data and then he moved to this town and then suddenly he's murdering the piano raping the story every time. Yeah i feel like it's going to catch up slowly as long as we don't well i mean i feel like the more people who talk about it. The more people who have conversations but also the more like the brock turner. That's what i was thinking about that. the swimmer from stanford who got released. Because you know nobody wanted to mess up his swimming career and he raped a girl. So so violently Who i think he drugged i. I don't know if that out like to be the truth but that's the theory. She was incapacitated. She when she told the story it's like she's at a party. And all the sudden she's waking up behind a dumpster and the two men who witnessed it were so upset. The two men had grown men were so upset. Of what they witnessed. That's not something that you go okay. We'll don't do this anymore. Who would do that in the for. It's like we have to start treating it and talking about it as the extremely violent criminal act that it is and also stop fucking using the phrase sexual assault. I was thinking seizing me from 'isms if it's rape it's rape some people say like you know sexual assault sex. Don't use the word sex. When it's just rain all unconcerned. Anakin israel sacks. Yeah consensual sex is is rate is rate that's right sex is between two consenting adults so fucking call it that also date rape is rape date rape is rape. That doesn't mean it's nice and chill rape it's rape also there's it wasn't pre agreement that that agreement got broken which is what date rape alludes to shit. He went on a date. What did you yeah. Someone got upset. No this person is a rapist. Yep rape people. Unless you're a rapists rape people. Know man i mean. I think we're coming down pretty hard on an anti rape stance. I think it's clear that we are anti ray and we're saying it to our listeners. As if humor they convince them. Then you guys stop it. stop it. we're like he s to fucking crocheted nipple belts no to rape. Just you know where we stand. We're gonna tell you how it works. There's no gray area. Oh man all right. I hope you guys enjoyed that one and as a little update because georgia told that story a few years ago That man is now passed on so we have one less horrific serial killer out in the world so just some information for you guys in case you were going to look them up and see. What's he up to. Now he's dead and now for a little bonus. I actually did a hometown murder. I say this speaks to the popularity of this podcast. Because i have not to brag been on television. I have guessed it on many podcasts. I have done a lot of fun things. I have never gotten so many messages from people that i have not spoken to since high school as i did when i appeared on episode sixteen of my favorite murder doing my hometown murder people really love this. Podcast myself included so as a special bonus treat. We're gonna play my hometown murder for episode sixteen of white hometown thing but i did go in our energy minutes from and i went to college with a girl whose husband mysteriously disappeared from their honeymoon cruise. they were on this cruise together and the adding to saddest part of the story. Usually when i tell it is that if they had gotten bob lot blacked out also always did. This would have happened Because they got really drunk they separated. They were rumours xavier. Like hanging out with these check teenagers or something like that. I don't know what they were doing. Probably just partying with them and they got separated and another girl on the boat picture of a huge blood. Splatter staying on the on the deck of the ship which is on this. Big dateline is hold dateline report on this and and so it was. Obviously something happened but his body was never recovered. There in the middle of. I believe the caribbean or the mediterranean lake. Obviously he was shark bait like high. Weren't gonna find anything. But on she was on the talk show circuit aunt with like oprah and mike scarborough country in all these shows and i think people found that she did not appear to be a sympathetic wife like she wasn't mauling crying she wasn't people thought maybe she married him for you. Know it's like everybody's immagination takes off. But like i don't think she had a ton of money to speak of so it wasn't like an insurance really actually knowing her. I really don't think she had anything to do with This disappearance sush murder But it was scandalous. And i was actually on dateline when they when they were investigating it. I was working at nbc. One of my friends worked datelines. Like did anybody here go to this college again. I was like oh. I went there and you do. You know this girl who's has been destroyed like yeah. We played softball the interview on like okay like dragons be on tv. In like i was all in. And then i went on and i just sort of talk generally about her and it was so embarrassing because first of all my hair make. They don't do that and second of all they like. Took a bunch of me like walking downstairs slowly and they took an old picture of me and my softball team that this girl is in. My eyes are closed. And i maybe the fattest i've ever been and focus on my face. Dateline was like oh we focus on your face. Only the winter her face so i wasn't super happy with datelines production. But it was a really. It's a really crazy sort of unsolved case. That is also interesting because his parents believe jen. The girl who was married to who. I knew were going trying to take on the cruise line because those i don't know anyone that's been on a cruise like there's cameras everywhere and they acted like they had nothing on tape of like where this guy was or what happened or anything like how did this. Latter staying get like. This was a huge stain on the deck. And it's just very scandalous that they won't like kind of let this information out because people think they're scared about getting sued or whatever so. I know that they need a lifetime. Who've we've added another dateline about it you can search into it. More a dateline. If you wanna google eric. Link in few clues found in honeymoon. Disappearance will take you right to the link because very sterry will result for myself well and that was my hometown murderer. Hope you guys enjoyed that. Thank you guys for listening. I'm karen clank again. The host of that's messed up and svu podcast along with my co-host the hilarious liza traeger our podcast comes out every tuesday on exactly right and give us a listen. If you're so inclined. And before i leave i just want to tell you. Stay sexy and do not get murdered. Elvis want a cookie.

paul bernardo scarborough carla karen leslie mahaffy karla homolka greg mccreary nardo paul georgia tammy bernardo saint catharines Mtv scarborough police kristen french matt damon kristen cara clank karen co gareth
#117- The Porn Nazi

Two Girls One Mic: The Porncast

1:00:55 hr | 11 months ago

#117- The Porn Nazi

"This is two girls one. Mike the show that talks about the holes and plot holes of your favorite porn. Welcome to to pros with mike. The porn cast that dared to ask. What's the deal with all these comedians and their seinfeld impressions. I'm your coach don chairman. Here's my lovely co host. That can probably pronounce her own name. Unlike me alice alice. How is your afternoon going so far. you know. i think. I'm the only one who does not have a seinfeld impression but then again i don't call myself a comedian. Even porn stars have seinfeld impression. Yes as we found out today because we're reviewing seinfeld porn porn about nothing support about acquiring porn from a porn not see. It was so much fun. But i'm so excited because we also have guest. We do have a guess. It's a good to we have gianmarco say with us. John mark thank you for joining our little cast. Thank you so excited of always been a seinfeld fan. And this is a new area of the universe that i get to explore so you haven't seen a parody porn before no no i've seen i've seen a couple of days before they're always infiltrating which one i think i saw a fresh prince of bel air. There's the war was more upsetting was a donald trump. Hillary clinton debate wine. I believe nina. Hartley was hillary clinton. If i'm remembering correctly played hillary and porn like six different times. So yes i've seen a number. Maybe friends i dabble. It's always an interesting mix. The scenes are kinda funny. And it's the casting. Choices are always very interesting. Because they're always a little bit wrong. Yes that's fun. Let biggest complaint about parodies porn parodies in general is like once they start having sex their character relationships disappear. They don't hold onto that dynamic addle and this is why we have our handful of like favorites on the show that they do stay in character for the sex and when that happens they enter the pantheon of like the five films. That are like our favorite. And they're they're few and far between. But they tend to have evan stone. And or tommy pistol and the like and we had evan stone in this one he he was the soup nazi. Oh that was okay. I didn't even recognize him at first. The makeup of that just the those fucking eyebrows that transformative your point is. There's one thing. I noticed because i did watch the whole thing. The whole shebang was cheered. Dirty talks in character sir. He said something about communism. Maybe or something that was like super specific to whatever country that characters from so good for him. So here's the kicker. The original soup nazi Going based off seinfeld which is based off. I guess part of real life. So the original superman is chain of soup restaurants. What nationality is i. Think he's middle eastern. I wanna say because his name is like yogesh. yeah. I just want to pretend that. He's from kazakhstan. Because that mustache reminds me so much of borat. And i know that's not where they intended them to be from. But i'm telling myself it's 'cause extend going with that warm getting to is that this guy is from the middle east so it has nothing to do with communism but you know what. I'll accept the spin because the he stayed in character. That's i care about commitment. They went for it. And i appreciate that one of the funniest things because whatever that soup guy i think he was just he owned one soup store the real person then he made it into a chain but they can't call it soup. Nazi like they're you know that episode got in trouble later years so they advertise it as the superman and it's just so funny because it's like no everyone knows you as the soup nazi beat can't put nazi on your side. So yeah it's an interesting balance they strike. What's fascinating to me. Is that the original superman. Unfortunately they went under in like two thousand seventeen for tax evasion. Were yeah that's crazy and it real physical notation. Yeah no no no government for them either but they reopened in two thousand eighteen but apparently the guy like back when you know he was getting all this attention for being the soup nazi convinced about ruining his business and demanded an apology from seinfeld. And let's be honest. He made his business after that. That would be an interesting. I don't think it's ever been done to investigate. All the side businesses. That came from seinfeld. Because i also know like a guy who kramer was based on started doing walking tours. Thanks like i just imagined. There are a series of businesses. That started because of seinfeld. It's kind of like. I know when sex in the city was a big thing because we were like. Oh my god shock. Women like vibrators Like they were walking tours of sex and the city and there were places where they're like and they had brunch at this location for the end. They became the hot spots back in the day when we that level of desperate for entertainment. Everybody's still buys magnolia cupcakes. Even though they're horrible the bad. I'll it sucks you're just so overpriced and it's only because of that show sex in the city seriously. Wow were also that snl rap. I thought that's what you were talking about. Don't they go go to magnolia. And you remember the rap about going to the movies famous no. I'm sorry sunday. lazy day. Wake up in the late afternoon. And they go to magnolias and they eat. That's how i know magnolia from sex in the city. I know from the rap on nice the only rap that still sticks of me from snl is a one where the portman talks about something about like summer after beheading them. Incredible like her just the commitment level too. That was. i'm like this is why she has an oscar. I did that for a lip sync petition. I did that song. I love it. It's called natalie's for app. it's so good lyrics. And i'm embarrassed to say i sit down on your face and take shit natalie. You offer bad ass bitch. Yeah i can see that being your go to a karaoke alice next to shoop. So i'll be honest with you jen marco. So this is really embarrassing to say. But i didn't grow up on seinfeld. I started watching seinfeld two weeks ago. And i've gone through a couple of seasons. That's impressive. well that's a lot so you started from the beginning. Yeah 'cause i'm just one of those shows where like the first season is really different and you you just hope. No one gives up after that but season. Three and four are like the best when it settles into itself. It's just there's a rhythm and then you expect it in a in each episode. And it's like i have over the course of a bunch of years. I'm sure i've seen about eighty percent of the show just because it was on reruns and they play it in like four hour blocks. Tbs at one point. In time i think it's just i've seen most of i started restarted in quarantine because i got hulu and i started from the beginning and every once in a while and episode. Come on and i was like. I've never seen this episode. I feel like that happened. If i sat down with him. Be like what new signed but the competition is the one that like. If i'm getting someone to start it's the competition where they they see who can hold off masturbating the longest they say. Are you master of your domain. The like perfect episode okay. So we reviewed the central porn parody. Today there's a sequel and it's based on that episode. Oh that makes more sense than the porn. Nazi to me superfan. That should have been i. Well now. I want to know if you're still in the parody sequel if there's trying to hold off on masturbating but they can fuck. That could be funny there. You go yeah. I'm sure there was not a lot of master that it was more fucking than masturbating. That one was it the same cast. That's a great question I think some of them were the same. Like i think james dean was still like seinfeld which yeah when you got an impression that good you gotta ride it. I mean was there anyone else who could have played that role. I mean tommy. Couldn't have i think. Tommy as a chameleon like how many people has he sounded exactly like he managed to do an archer kiwi. Herman like archer and peewee. Herman have come out of him. Yeah i'm just saying there could have been poor. And that did not have james seated at but this was kind of like pre tommy. So i guess like james was doing all the parties at the time. So when was this film so this is film back in two thousand nine. And i have to say okay so you watch so. This was before We knew james. Dean's yeah. Okay gotcha for this is like before james. Dean was even huge right two thousand nine. I think he was big then. He was friendly. We'll do a quick internet. Search james dean. I don't know. Check google trends of when james dean was the last several years. We'll see a spike somewhere. But i do know that this porn it was directed and written by leroy myers and we lovely ride because he writes some of most favored porn on the show but he also did the friends porn parody. That you watched. Oh yes. I probably saw scenes from. Oh so the year that this was made he won. Avian male performer at the year and at age twenty two so he was he'd been in the industry since two thousand and four and gap. That's so he was. He was getting pretty big at that time okay. His issues were a longtime from being outed. I watched a little bit of. They do like a whole documentary after the thing about them getting cast. It's very interesting. Because i actor started as an actor before it got to stand up and it's just like the porn casting auditioning world. It's just a much more fast moving version than like an acting career cedar they saw james. They're like you kind of look like seinfeld. He got the part or that a lot of call backs. It's one initial audition and then they get enough but to see them do. The sides was fascinating. Really fascinating to be like. Oh just we're all doing the same. It's the same process. i think it's just like cadets. Oh yeah like the we know that. What the parodies. They take a little longer. Do them And they as leroy's told us he's like they take a little longer. They make a little less money but they're a labor of love but like they still are much more slapdash than a big studio. Obviously and before we get into the point. I mean what a labor of love i mean. Aside from the casting of these characters like you could tell who was who jerry's apartment. I'm in guys like if looked like replica. Like it looks like they just walked on set yet even down to like the cereal on the fridge. Just well done yeah. I mean that's pretty vital. I think it's like they're like a nail this one location. The rest can be anything a porn scene on a picnic table. For kramer. that's fine but we gotta get the apartment right. Oh my god. And i do appreciate how. He said that he wanted to do an interview. Lee mentioned they wanted to do an episode where there was sex in the episode but essentially that you could still watch without the sex and i lied love if they tried. I love it. They tried to put this on tv without this. I got to give him a b minus on that. Because if you take all of the scenes that did not have the fucking and add them together. It was maybe twenty two minutes which means one half hour episode short short. So i think the biggest problem from get is this. Last track is out of control. Never stops laughing. The whole time and then at the slightest indication of a punchline huge eruptive laughter just constant and then it disappears for the sex. I would've loved a random laugh. Insertion during the come shot or something. Oh my god that would have been an improvement like i. I think that porn should just throw in like laugh tracks every so often just for funsies like that's just just because i think it would. It would prime people for laughing during sex in real life. I think laughter during sex's is it makes the experience better that actually. She mentioned it because it was sitcom would've appreciated that. But i i know for some people would take him out of the moment but let's be honest i mean. How much of a luxury do you have. If you can listen to porn with the sound on those for just. I did appreciate though in the beginning. So we started with jerry opening doing a joke on the stand up stage and his bid was in great. But i mean very generous when i say knock trade it was. It was bad really. Didn't make sense. It makes sense is they. Called pornography is is the study but really. I'm studying my dick fisher. Call it dick argosy. Imagine that you're like i gotta go home. I gotta stay got dick agassi and the audience is going wild. I feel here's the thing. I feel like if you look back at some of seinfeld's humor from the ninety s. Some of it kind of it's not that level of bad but there are some of the things where you just kind of makes little little observations and you're like was supposed to be funny like some of them are is still incredibly good and incite boba. Some of it you're like. Why did we think this was funny. But comedy ages faster and worse than any other type of store. So i just thought his book i kind of have a love hate relationship or like a grope with them i love seinfeld with. It's weird like he'll drop in comedy clubs do thirty minutes and he's like not like super like warm and i have no stories about hand. It's just like it's weird when it's like us. If i jerry stage like suck my shows going to start so late ma bought and i read his his book where he just wrote out all his bits and like it's just like some of them are great as some of them you like. What the fuck he'll so. Cotton balls are weird. And you're like what sick while. I needed to have a joke about a box of granola bars. If i didn't have that joke about every absolutely everything. I needed a joke about about a lamp just he needed to joke about everything and some of those jokes are bad because not everything needed a joke and change teams impression. It's a little bit too fast pace. He just did this. And this is all that this next level's pornography. i'm studying dick. Now that said the english suffix graph. -i does mean field of stuffy. Not offi so. They were slightly wrong there. Look it's an english zeeshan of the french grassy inherited from gra feo which is transliterated direct borrowing from the greek. And i care about these facts. I know our audience does so. All i'm saying is i want to point out. That does not mean the study. it's the latter of the suffix graph want continuity. I would love in the reviews for this. That was one of the big comments. Like i was out from the beginning accuracy and continuity in our porn these moments they look. They kill our lady. Boehner's we can't have this. All i ask is just google search versus graffeo. Now that hardy seen we're gonna cancel. Jc over that now he doesn't. I mean only half to try murdering joanna angel but also you make a shitty joke. Oh i still feel bad. That i did not look into those allegations before we had her on lake and didn't know and asir. She wanted to comment on. Like oh god i cringe. Every time i think about it. That's i did not know at all like at and then looked up what happened. I'm like oh my god. I d send her a fruit basket aura. Throw myself off the side of the planet and never exist again. Like it's just yeah. He did awful awful things and somehow he still allowed in the industry. Like i get it. That people can look at it and go. This is his work and how he behaves sunset. But it's like you guys know the put her head in the sink and tried to kill her right like she she almost. She thought she was going to die. But also a lot of stuff is self produce. Oh yeah yeah. How hard is it to wrangle people on craigslist to do some you know. Hold a camera look. There are other pain assisted jerk off to. I'm just saying the boobs are more are harder to replace. I'm just saying. I would find it harder to replace lena paul in my life than james dean fun fact. Actually so speaking of awards and production. I don't know if you guys knew this but avian award. Nominations came out. So jon marco avian the porn oscars. There's a new category. Yes best kovic porn. If we can get ourselves into presenters for anything this. I'm trying with daddy. Rios tony if you're listening to this daddy reactions to what has to be done for this. I'm just asking for a podcast category. Because there's enough porn stars podcasts. At this point we need one of those stores will segue into hosting from there will win that category for three years in a row and then host. We've been just parlaying this into friendships with most of the porn community. Were just we've gone. Just the tip. Were trying to get the debate. Will now we're going we're going for. We're looping the mon- up house of avian would be very cool. I just read. This is very a white man. Who's been a david foster. Wallace did a whole article about the avian awards because every now a second out. It's so good. It's so good. I think there's been a lot of comedians who have posted that. Liza traeger didn't she. Host one aries spears. Yeah oh esther. Ku oh really cool like two years ago when i was first. They're nice so there's a lot of comedians you know hosting as well as writing backstage. So here's my question. John marco are you aspiring. Ever right for them as well sure. Listen i am in no position to be declining any kind offer right now porn awards cartoons for nick junior i will say yes to whatever spectrum of things i need to i would love to i. I'm fascinated by the world. I think it's obviously course like hosting. I'm sure it's a when you get famous enough to host it as like a stand up. Comedian actor you're also at a place where you have to decide what are and this is not just the reality of the world. What kind of consequences will this have on other sides of my career. But when i think about the kind of career. I wanna have. It is one that is honest and is not barred from hosted. Avian awards. Because i think that's very cool fascinating just so you know i'm i'm literally a talking head on the weather channel and i have a podcast in which i review the plotlines and pornos. If i am weather channel acceptable job is science communicator slash writer so this is like clearly just go into the like doing a thing at the abn's like for which i have myself plastered all over social media. He'll be fine by. Yeah in the weather channel's defense. All they heard was that you're talking about things being wet so they may have kind a little confused. Unlike heroes wife's pussy sorry. Those jokes are never. I will keep making that joke until she has an orgasm which will be wet. Never never never those jokes are gonna keep going. Jokes are infinite. Sorry can't help myself so going back to sign felt so we should probably talk about this porn. And what exactly happened in it. Indeed before we go through like a bit of a scene by scene breakdown. How would you summarize it to someone who has watched it borrowing very generously from the plot of the actual soup nazi jerry and elaine are going to get porn. A here's here's the real where the metaphor really falls apart. So the poor nazi gets the best porn before everyone else. So it's it's like this amazing toward that. He gets it a week before. The regular blockbuster gets it. So jerry gets his porn elaine. Of course Asked too many questions and the poor not singles. No point for you. Jerry and elaine go back and lanes like what's so special about this sport. Let's watch it and immediately. They have sex and boom as i said before. They lose all tied amex of their relationship. I think elaine would would be more a thomas than she was in that exchange. They did take those. So it's not out of character. Did they date or bang day. Then the end of the second season they thought or one of the season's they thought it would be the end of the show so it's intimated that they get back together like they tried to make that as a cliffhanger so nbc would keep going but then they immediately abandoned it and the only time they have sex again is of a show is the episode they talk about women faking orgasms and jerry's like faking it with me. And then they have sex. And jerry can't get it up for some other reason but like jerry would never fuck on the couch. There is no way not in a million years. So they have. Sex has no consequence on their longterm. Friendship doesn't fuck anything up. Then you leave. The rest of the cat just interruption. I feel like we should name the episode. Jerry would never fuck on the couch sherry whenever never on the couch for short and also let's remind his name is not jerry and this is gary who are the course. It's not a lane. it's elena. I believe of kramer we have crammer which is a perfect perfect porn. Name crammer grammar. But then here's the worst one instead of george. It is gorge which is true turns. Everyone is so we meet them. First of all. Let me say for my money. You agree with me but not elaine. Who played a lame. Oh that's a great question hold on She was by far the best cast of the mall. Best impression closest to the real. Elaine christian arose. Okay she was good she was pretty damn good nailed it. She nailed it then. We need gorge. I would pay money to. And i'm sure he has jason alexander who played george i would just love to see how they viewed in this casting decision. If ever there's a porn parody made me for whatever reason you you better believe. I'm watching it like i want to know. That is the youtube reaction video. I want to see what. I look like this kiss. It's the kind of care with the moment you see and you're like oh so we're not going to see george have sex and then kind of okay with not seeing george castanza's penis. I don't know. I'm kind of okay with that mrs purposely. This band is is also addressed to accentuate the worst aspects of his personality. And they go so like they decide. That's the thing about. George is that he's so gross. Jerry's davis woman who just has orgasms with every everywhere with everything and until age speaks to her and he is so unappealing that she you know becomes dry as the desert and no longer wants to come at all. Well yeah and then you got kramer which is like somehow slightly accurate yet so deeply wrong crammer crammer. He has the fidgety thing but he talked. He has a hair. He has the hair but he talks like kind of slow. And not in a way. Kramer would talk at all. He doesn't have the jittery the and the going with its. He's there's something wrong with the he did not capture the essence of kramer. The good news is that we know that that porn actor was not on coke. Yes that's true. that's true. And he does not use any racial slurs throughout the whole thing. Unlike the real kramer. So again another inaccuracy. Hey and they're real kramer's defense that we of he didn't in ten years of seinfeld when he was strictly on a script never wanted to use a racial slur but then as soon as he didn't think the cameras are rolling he that happened. Is it really method acting unless you're truly. Yeah yeah they are their best and their worst moments video is something that videos wild full. It was like right in the beginning of youtube. They always say that. Youtube like became famous. Partly because of the janet jackson super bowl. Justin timberlake thing. How do we see that video now. Youtube more accurately. How do we see that nipple like people just want to see nipple. That's that was the biggest thing that ever happened to people was a nipple and kramer was one of those early like oh. His career is done. He was canceled before canceling. I don't remember this. Oh so he's at the laugh factory all my god. I've heard that he was not like super great. Stand up comedian. He's getting older audience members talking and he just starts screaming at them starts screaming the n. Word like crazy and he's like back in the day i would've he says i'd have you upside down with a fork in your ass. Yeah like it was not just a like because like george carlin used the n. Word in context to talk about the use of language in his In his act. And i don't know if those are things that would be acceptable nowadays. But at the time he wasn't using it to scream it at a person and there's a big like nobody. I don't think anybody can honestly look at michael richards screaming at a group of black and be like. Oh no. it was context. It was fun. The best part like as standard comedian. He at one point he kind of sees how bad this all his and he tries to like. Make it like egos who you see. I said the words like he tries to turn it into a bit after the fact and it clearly is disaster but he tries he tries. It's like alex jones saying to the judge. No this is all an axe. Really alex you. You've taken this too far for us to believe that nobody who is just so bad and like so long and so much. I mean i think the thing that's really unsettling is to truly so angry. It's not a bit that goes awry but like it is so viscerally angry. Your like your. He means this shit and this was all because of a heckler. Yeah it's like it's not like he slipped and said the n. Word with a rap song that had the word in it like nah. Nah this was a this was a decision. He kept making for three minutes. So here's a question you've done. Stand up enough times. Have you ever been pissed off enough at a heckler. I'm not saying that you're gonna slip into that but like what's been some of your worst heckler moment i've called people cut before and i probably a little too freely. You know i. I use my country every day. It's my favorite body. Sure but yeah like us. The top shelf swears. It's your stage time. Yeah but it's you have to keep in mind. it was. It was a year in maybe two years and it was like a really shitty barr show and there was. This woman was having a birthday party and she was just talking the whole time at some point so intense i thought we were like joking back and forth and then she liked clearly pissed off somehow now because every Okay oh wow. That's really funny. And she just like like the end. And i was wearing like a kid can't always tell i have a temper or that. That's a side of me. I can be very smiley. And at the end i said all right i guess that's it. I hope you get hit by a car. You fucking and everyone who bad person because that made me probably to the club. I would have laughed so hard. I mean i told humiliated. I it was such bad bomb but also i thought it was so funny because people were more centered by the cut as opposed factor. That a wish physical harm on this person. But they can't so. I would argue that. When you're that fired up you might let slip a word that deep down you maybe have set a lot. Which in my case is and it's like if someone says the n. Word as many times as he did you would be right. I think to be suspicious that this is some word that is in your head more frequently that you've said or that you are thinking readily 'cause i do think readily what a fucking cut and women. I tried to call just as much as i do. Women that's i. Salute equal opportunity. Cont equality i liked. I called women dick's all the time. Sure honestly i don't care what you have down there. He's contrary dick. I'm going to call you one or the other anyway. This is the progress that liberals want my brothers trans. So i just call him. An asshole has stayed the same. So that's what i'd say is it can be. I'd probably say bibs too much. But i also work in a club like bitches used not as an insult. There's a lot like pitch. And i will go to places where it's like an all white audience in connecticut and mike bennett. Twenty to talk about. And when i say bitch. The artist is like whoa. Why would you say why would you call her a bitch. You're using salty language. She just came from her killian. So that's what i'd say. So this kramer in this porn parody from me something about it and if you watch the documentary apparently he didn't they said it's not quite right. They said go work at come back in an hour and i guess when he came back in and our he had what is a good actor moment he walked in the door like kramer and they were like you have the role but really their first impulse was correct. He was not right for this. I just wish there were more men in porn that you could choose from. The options are so slim. that's also the other problem. Yeah sure you already have a small talent pool of med anyway. Then it's like men who can act to look like a certain person gridlock. But that's what i did like the storyline that they did with kramer and this crammer. I'm sorry but he can't find porn to get himself off so he decides to make his own porn and he just happens to stumble upon a porn said he gets involved. Obviously but then afterwards and this does seem like the kind of hijinks that crammer where kramer would get into the real series. So i'm like okay. I i'm on board. This was a good seed to plant for this. I like that. And of course sasha ray would be involved. This pre famous super famous. Sasha grey i to. She was famous at that time to doesn't seem like a like a smaller role a smaller. You're part of a threesome. We've seen some porn star. Show up for tiny. Like nina hartley was in I think the wizard of oz triple x. And she had a relatively small role in there. Seemed almost like a cameo if you watch the star. Wars porn parody. It's ninety percent cameos. Yeah yeah. Sasha grey was the female performer of the year in two thousand eight so year before this. Okay there we go. I think what was so interesting. Know this is a lot of thirty. But a lotta feels like it's seen sex scene blackout. Goes to something new with this parody. The crammer seem like they finish and then they go back into plot where he's like standard quo. What has happened and they get the paper towel roll and it's very like. Oh wow this is. A is just interesting to to go back into the sitcom before just like washed. Its hands of the porn section. I do also like that. They kind of translated this into okay. So now kramer is going to end up shooting Porn he ends up so the audience knows as george. has a kind of lackluster sex life with his fiancee. Suzanne and what kramer decide to do is spice it. Up gorge comes in assuming he's going to be into sex scene but it susannah boning someone else kramer film set so he just poured which krimmer totally direct apart. Yeah yes i could see. That being applauded absolutely well of course. I directed a par. You really have to lean into so. George thinks he's going to be in the porn with his fiancee in kramer's like no no. I hired someone else. You're not gonna be here. That's a plot points of me. I was like what are you. Who is their relationship survived. It like you picture that being a conversation between jerry. And george like outlets like i couldn't be in the room couldn't be in the room like i picture the conversation about that. I think they really though missed opportunity. It should've turned into. would it be called a cuck. Oh yeah in the documentary. Can i learned so much from ten minutes in this documentary were gorge. The guy who played gorge was like clearly. This is not someone who who wants to do a sex scene. But i feel like that was the ideal for a seen. I've never been quite into that myself. But if his job say is going to be made love to porn star he should be there watching of course at least have a glass of water ready for her. Okay so. I haven't run to the part where we have norman. In seinfeld i have not watched up until then. Yeah sorry we newman. Yeah we have the newman version. Norman in the poured is supposed to take this film. And who is he. Is he supposed to delivery because he accidentally drops it at the soup nuts. Poor nazis video store yes. That was another thing i've missed. I don't know who he was supposed to be shipping it to like. Where would you bring it to. Editor a distributor sh- just randomly alter it here the same spine. But i have to say. I'm impressed because there must be hold back in operation that the poor nazi has of replicating videos by the way. I've never worked at blockbuster before. So how does this work. Do you replicate your own videos. Do you just get a box of videos. Don't know. I know how this works kind of so it cost them something like one hundred dollars per back in the day it will cost them like one hundred dollars per. Dvd orca said that they bought and basically after a certain number of rentals. They make that money back and they cannot copy them so he had only version but this was back when it was like when you say they cannot copy them. You mean like they're like please don't do this no. They couldn't front versions that they had. I believe they could not copy them. That was what i was told. At least i was. I don't know if that was a lie. But that was it was like they bought a really expensive one and just had to make bare money renting them out. I really miss that. I've always wanted to write about for standup. Where because i feel like the video store my video store and i think a lot of people's video stores they had their adult section in the back at like the draw of like wanting to go into this little side room. There wasn't a door. It just said dolts only you knew they had cameras there and you were just. It was just like oh do anything to go behind. The internet just blew it to pieces but the excitement of the being one day. I could go in that room nowadays. You just have to lie about your age online. Yeah pretty much if only i. I wish we could recreate that experience. For you. Somehow jan marco but we can't it's over there are still a number. I mean pre pandemic. When i used to go into stores and be around people who when i've gone to sex shops i've seen a handful that have like a vhs section in the back but it's not the same because it's not like the family friendly like you can't rent like all dogs go to heaven you know in the front and then you know what's happening at your sex shop. Mine has a whole disney. So i wish we could somehow recreated like there's no modern equivalent of that where there's something family friendly into front discussing into back. Maybe like popeye. Checkers is like similar. But that's it short. Sure but he asked so what ends up happening is the sex tape that's of suzanne and not gorge but like suzanne being with another man is now being distributed at the poor nazi. Yeah and there's also this like seed. Plot where elaine dig at some porn by sleep with the porn nazis assistant. Oh she finds gets a list of his new releases from a secret distributor yes and then the pornography sleeps with gary's acts who has organized at the time that was. I thought if i'm thinking about what were the funny jokes. I did think it was funny. Where gary breaks up with his girlfriend because she has the time and he's listing off all the place that she had orgasms museum the post office. I think he said the nine eleven memorial. I thought that was funny. I did laugh at that. And who raise your hand. If you haven't had an orgasm at the nine eleven memorial not to do list never forget. There's only a very few ways you can pay tribute and pay your respects. So is it just the final scene coming up because the final you is truly the most ridiculous thing in this entire so so all. That is resolve. All that just goes away. What's her name in this elena elena and by the way i have to say i'm i'm very proud of her for even naming names of you know new releases coming up like stick it in my duty whole seventy two i mean class is a classic eight. I guess that was always like hopefully that. Joke is like hack but i remember back in the day. Part of like the porn joke was crazy title and then a number that suggested there had been so many of these. So it'd be like you know anal mom's fifty four. You're like whoa before we got into this. We thought it was a joke but we have friends who are like very proud of their work in like milk hunter. Seventeen like i. It's and i think that's a made up title. There's a mill hunter series. I feel like we've discussed this. They're a handful of them. That are long running series that like when we hear our friends would be like. And i'm proud of my work in this series in numbers four six twelve. It's like wow. Bill was my first like series. What i watched like online. Why or whatever. And it was busy laureus time it was glorious. Have a wish. I could go back to it. Where when i first saw mill funster goes he goes to the grocery store. Finds a twenty two year olds bob but this was. This was back when i thought it was real and there was this moment of being fourteen and being like this dude just walked to the grocery store found this smoking hot woman and and he was slobby like he was schlumpy guy and like i was like adulthood is amazing and then it wasn't until i saw that woman like in a porn again two years later that was like that's so weird. She must from this into the porn industry. This gets around. That was a fun time. What i really believe. There was real triple penetration. When you're like. I have my suspicions about that first movie now. Yeah yeah. i wonder if she's even a mother. So then gary performs on stage just randomly and in audience member a totally non character we have not seen before just gets on stage and they faulk on stage which is been my dream since the beginning of stand up comedy insane in front of everybody the last track goes away. I would have loved if you really heard the audience. Go what the focus going on like. I just can't even. I've seen jerry seinfeld perform on stage and if an audience member just hopped on stage and they started fucking. It would be incredible. It'd be an incredible to witness. It would not be porno sex. It would be awkward. And i say this. Is you awkward. Nerdy jewish sex like with a fifty something year old so that would be worth the price of admission just because that would be funnier than anything. Jerry seinfeld as producing anymore. I mean one of the few reasons he would probably do. It is to help revitalize new york. Because he believes new yorkers in dead. So i mean jerry you need to prove it jerry. Save new york get whip out your dick on stage. I'm telling you have a reverse metoo. It'll work total total. Take my advice. I know that was the thing. If you like to enough reverse may twos that. You're you're okay again. Harvey weinstein's in prison doing a lot of reverse me to eventually. He'll be okay. God i'm just how many more reverse me bill cosby have to do. There will never be there either us to never. They're going to be getting so. Oh god i hate that. We're jeff this next next. Nope nope tragic and horrible and we have to laugh about it. Because what else do we do cry. Yeah of course exactly. So i think the parody really fell apart from at the. I don't know who this new character is rather have like a double team with a lane or just something. Keep it in the cast. I don't have any investment in this random fan and cherry would never remembers. Video went viral a couple years ago. Where like cash. Us saw jerry seinfeld Event was like jerry. Give me a hug. And he was like okay. This is not a guy who fox stranger on a stage doesn't fuck on a couch. This is a jerry king to the bedroom. No doubt and i'd rather than make a parity one of the things jerry people talking about. You know that when he was thirty three data the seventeen seventeen. Oh shit no. They was kind of a scandal to uber for like it was like what are the things and it was so interesting. There was an episode. Jeff ross who's a comedian. Who recently got in trouble. Yeah to the fact. Where when he was thirty three a he allegedly tainted a fifteen year old for three years to use. the word. allegedly. When you're talking about dating for three years yeah allegedly he. That happened and we need to my god. I was watching an episode of seinfeld during his quarantine. i was going through. And there's an episode. They're picking a show to nbc. And george gets in trouble. Because when he's at the abc execs house his fifteen year old daughter and she's clearly twenty two but his fifteen year old daughter who's very a box benz over and george gets caught looking at her cleavage. And there's a scene later where elaine's like george. How could you and jerry's like stand. We're we're pre-programme. We say claiming we gotta look and here the sitcom laughter and i think what's so interesting about sitcoms when they joke about something that as a society we've now deemed dislike. That's a no no as we would never joke about an older man getting caught checking out a fifteen year old's cleavage but when you hear it in the sitcom you hear the laughter and it just showed goes to show. It was so accepted at this feeling that it was like a point like kuwait laster. And what a silly thing it's funny like some of the older the fifty ish year old mill comedians. There they go on a lot of rant about the kids these days now and like some of them are like there's still funny. I'm not saying they're not funny. I've i've grew up in their material. I think some of their material like they hear some of their jokes. That are kind of you know dated falling flat and they're mad at the audience instead of going. I have ninety five percent of my material that still great comedy ages. Maybe i should just update it a little bit like your seinfeld was has been very upset about that. Yeah it's also hard to right evergreen jokes. I mean it's so difficult. I mean stuff changes all the fucking time the bit that scientists like so upset about. He's talked about where he talked about. Like scrolling through contacts on your phone and he's like oh it's like i'm like i'm some kind of gay french king and like first of all. That's not even a joke. It's not even that good a joke. A joke needs a set up in a punchline. And that's that had neither. Yeah and it's it's also just. I doubt people got really upset about it. Like i'm sure they were just like okay. It just wasn't funny like it's also just you could just say french king but it was one of these things where you're like sure like okay uncle jerry like is why did you want like it's like it was a perfectly whatever comments were. We were supposed to laugh. yes i think. There are plenty of arguments and discussions about comedy and certain things where it's like. Are we being oversensitive or but like this particular show is not when we need to go to the battlefield. And it's like we don't need to. I don't think anyone's to mad at it. But also i think jerry was mad that no one laughed like it's like there was. Yeah you're too sensitive. It's like no one's just wasn't like i think he's he's mad. The laughter has come down. It's like that's that's the thing. And that's what i think. The upset that says is i'm sure there was a time in the eighties. Where you not a of people knew gay people are had a gay friend. Where like a day french king and he'll be like. Oh my god amazing amazing. He's gay and that it's just we've moved to expired. It's expired every every comedy. Trailblazer is amazing. When their first out and we look back stuff twenty years later so it's comedy a young person's game. I don't think it's it's more like if you continue to write new material and you have friends and you talk to younger people and you get to know it. That's always the divide. And like i always feel a certain degree of sympathy were like older comedians e. You might know them famous older comedians. But i don people on the road in the fifties and sixties and they're they're still killing on the road and i do think it's confusing for them. They they get in trouble online or they go in a performance brooklyn fuss going on. Remember those of us in liberal circles that like not lives in our world and it's it's more just being like these people. Just don't interact with it so i think if you're going to be a good comedian especially if you've fame the capacity you need to interact with these different worlds but it's tough continuing to be a good comedian as you get older is definitely tough. And you're either up for the challenge or you're going to bitch about it without ever trying to learn and partners that you're mad that the world is changing and almost by default. The reason the world is changing is the kids. And yes and the kids are mad at you. Because you're the they're looking you and go. You're the reason the world is why it is so jerry is by jerry is one of those were. He has milked his old material. For all it's worth which i don't i don't blame him for but his felt like with that particular he was mad about that. It had an expiration date. And i think a lot of great older comedians. They just write new stuff. Yeah and jerry water right new stuff. He's busy hosting suarez. Then host your suare and enjoy that you get that in your life. You know who's written new material every like patent oswald. Every single fucking thing he writes is gold and his brand new hasn't complained about the kids yet. Shore he also has got past talk about someone who has some old material that if you really wanted to is very problematic in today's so i also understand where like comics are like very selective in who we get upset about and if you're a comedian and you really know the full breadth of these comedians. You're like they were all traumatic and the nineties. Even the ones we love that they all were problematic. Yeah not just andrew dice clay but cherries also like. He's doing fine fine. He's like okay. I don't even wanna perform colleges anymore. Why the fuck would you wanna perform colleges anymore jerry. Yeah don't you have other places that will hire you. It's like the fact that he's complaining about not working colleges. The american farm bureau doesn't hire me anymore. Darn like for me. I feel like. I'm getting older and i am a slowly. Shirley looking at the young kids. And i'm like what's going on because like in twenty twenty. We've realized that the new form of comedy is lip synching. And don't get me wrong. Some of those videos are hysterical. But at the same time this is why appreciate comedians on twitter. Because you're still working on bits. You're still flushing out new content. But then you go on places like instagram reels or tiktok. And you're like oh someone made a whole career of just pretending to be donald trump and quoting him. I mean sarah cooper is. She also did like. Sarah could stand with that but you know what i'm talking about though like she's built her career off. Yeah i know. I know the i mean good for her good for her. The fact that enough people got enough joy out of that for her to get a series. It was good editing on her part. And i will give her absolutely. Don't get me wrong. it's just. I think for me. I am a little annoyed of how much like you go on. Tiktok every fuck and person lip synching. And i just. I don't know commie old by tiktok. I feel like you might be like too. Many tiktok makes me happy by tics. Does not have a lot of lipstick. I get that at home improvement videos that you. It's my like happy corner of the internet. No one to angry on tiktok. It's cooking videos and again this is based on what you're liking. There is plenty of angry. Tectonics yeah surprised. I've a friend. She has a kid and he hosted on some conspiracy tiktok that she likes once and now all of it is just like pedophilia conspiracy government tiktok video so there are very tar corners to tiktok like to remind people this of pedophile. That cunanan is responsible for hunting. Down and arresting still counts at zero. So i'll have meant that when that changes. I don't think i'll have to change that anytime soon. The only thing that i want to eventually go back and look up on tiktok is so event you know this. You know we were tom. Arnold place and his kid is it was on tiktok for. Oh my god we have to find. Quinn's fucking so tom arnold's kid it. We'll just pick up. Tom's phone or his phone. And it'll start recording whatever conversation. Tom's having doesn't matter how important or not important. And sometimes some arnold on the phone with michael cohen nance donald trump's former lawyer. Sometimes he's on the phone with arnold schwarzenegger's and like times nancy. Pelosi sure there's an account someone find. We've found claudia conway someone find quinn. We need to find that fucking tiktok couch. I'm pretty sure. I could ask tom and he would tell me. That would take all the fun out of it. Yeah i was just the taste is good. I want the needle in a haystack. We'll find it eventually all right so any additional thoughts on this porn. Because i feel like. I've got nothing i mean. I really enjoyed evan stone. And i thought he did an amazing like he was the porn nutsy like i'm always up for like he's he's one of the porn stars like if he's in there. I'm like okay. I'll whip out the vibrator for this one. So i was happy with that but yeah that was. It wasn't bad it could have been better be be. I just think if i'm going to see a parody. I only want to see people. I have an investment in and in a show like seinfeld shorts difficult. Because it's it's four main characters. But like i would rather see elaine. Fuck all three and like make george you know maybe. Get a more a more aesthetically appealing george. And let's see. Elaine will one at a time and then all four together like that's all i mean. I just think it's like if i seen random on like who cares now is just a regular point so i have to give it a say and i acknowledge it's difficult with the show like seinfeld. I'm gonna give an a minus just because there was so much good about it. There was so much continuity you saw effort in the set you saw effort in the costuming. It yeah we. Can you know all night long about like how the characters were in perfect. And you're right. I mean there are extra you know women in it. But in every parody there's always like for example like in the star. Wars porn parody made the storm troopers women so they can have endless. Women notched laya so there and i got it so i'm going to give them a break on that. I have to say though overall without the sex. Still watch so for that reason. Her wasn't perfect in all the places but a minus not the worst of the best but the fact that we're sitting here going here all the improvements they can make like i that's why docked them down to a b. So jan marco you have a special out. We're going to our listeners. Find that. I have a special called shelf life. I felt that outside. They've all material. I wrote this house. Year of corona virus is on amazon. Prime just look up my name or look up shelf-life and otherwise finally on tiktok twitter and instagram at jamarcus raziq. Oh man did. I just like you lip synching or something. Because you just said i. I tried one lip sync parody. And it bob. So i just told you okay. I'm totally going to do some lip sing parodies and be like hey alice you're gonna love this cough. Keep saying them to all right and we're going to link to all those places in the show notes so guys check out a special. He's hysterical and If you want to listen to your first time getting back into santa during the cook pandemic to the patriots episode that we have that we recorded before we start the show so guys hop over to patriot dot com slash. Mike go to mike dot com. Hit the support button. And listen to that. It's fifteen twenty minutes of us talking. It's great we talk about. Zoom shows pandemic comedy on truck beds and that can our listeners. Find you can find me at the cyb on twitter and instagram and over at facebook dot com slash site they were i am snarky and scienc- and have biweekly livestreams where. I tried to explain the current hellscape of the kobe alice. We're gonna listen respond you and all of the podcast things guys. You could find the podcast at tgi podcast on facebook instagram twitter. By the way if. I'm not posting on facebook. It's because i'm banned as i'm recording this for twenty one days because i said the word pornhub have linked to it accidently. Oh wow that's the thing that happened. She's she's she's in jail facebook jay. la defense. I told people to follow us on the free speech platform. And i said to pornhub. I wasn't wrong and then people said well it. Will you actually linked to your pornhub end to show so. We actually do. Have a pornhub account for the podcast. Yes my mom is so proud. And i upload episodes there. I haven't done someone to while so i sit back down and do it again because i care about you discovering the show even when you have your dick in your hand. I figured that people are listening to us talking about porn while they're watching porn and that way like they've got cover for like what are you doing. Just listening to a podcast gianmarco. How do you feel about eventually being on pornhub. sounds great. sounds good to me. you know. it's always it's always been my dream and i. It hasn't happened yet that i go on point. I've been someone. I knew like from when i was a kid. I see the republican from my grade. Oh man that'd be so cool hasn't happened yet. The problem is there is definitely nobody from like high school or junior high school. That i'm like. Yeah i wanna see them naked. No one not there. I mean. I banged one guy that i went to high school with a decade ago at my ten year. High school reunion. I don't wanna see it again. Like it's for for the record. He was the prom king anyways. I'm like at that but that was yeah. There's no one that. I want to see naked from my class. Now there's one girl who i would but she would definitely never land in porn sure. There's some women. I could like see having grown up where i'm like. I'm shot. they haven't done porn or can mark. I could see them when a couple of them doing homework because people do cam work kind of on the side like quietly and they don't some people do not consider themselves sex workers and their kind of this is the thing they do to to keep their writing habit going that kind of stuff or sex workers embrace it. Exactly it's fine. Yeah i mean. I've had plenty of this show. They were like alice. When i when i was down and i couldn't pay rent. I you know. And they were guys who were coming to me and they were like yeah. You know what i did. I had some guys pay for some stuff. And i'm good again and i said you know that's fine who cares. You didn't have to tell me. But i'm you know i'm excited about knowing more sex or who's in my life. I have a friend who's a lawyer who did sex work When she was first out in you know hadn't made partner yet and they're paying you shit to do all the same work like there's no shame and getting the bills paid and not leaving the comfort of your own home. So what we're saying. As jen marco this is not going to produce a lot of royalties. Put it on pornhub takata cat it but if it does you will be the first to know that we were able to probably baio cup of coffee with it or thank you good times. Thanks for joining us Yeah so guys listen to us next week follow us on all the platforms foamy at rational blonde follow fed and we will see you next week and leave us a five star review.

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