17 Burst results for "Lisa Qualls"

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

01:37 min | 6 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

"You can say, yes I, understand I'll ask your teacher to help. Would you like me to speak to her alone or would you like to go with me? This makes a child feel heard and respected three give your child choices that you like when you ask your child to do something particularly something that you think he won't WanNa do it helps him obey if you let him choose between two. For instance, if you need your child to get dressed for school in the morning, ask him do you WanNa have breakfast first and then get dressed or get dressed before you have breakfast this makes the child answer and take charge of getting dressed plus he hints squirm out of getting dressed or having breakfast because you didn't give him the. To do neither one. Parents, you know I love answering your questions. I'm going to do special podcasts. We're all I do is answer your questions please email meet any parenting question to ask Meg at MEG MEEKER MD dot com again asked meg at Meg Meeker MD, Dot Com I. Want to thank my guest Lisa qualls for joining me on the show today to find out more about Lisa. Go to one thankful MOM DOT COM. That's one thankful MOM DOT com. Be Sure to follow lease on facebook and Instagram just search for one thankful mom in your Internet.

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

02:11 min | 6 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

"Trying not to make mistakes I did with our kids. One thing I am finding however is the second time around obviously they're not my children. I'm so much calmer i. you know I really You just don't worry about things. 'cause you know okay they're having a temper tantrum just wait it out. It's been the okay but it's really hard and and so I appreciate your work so much. Lisa thanks so much for joining me. Look. Thank you for having me. Now under my points to ponder one. Use Scripts not long sentences. One of the mistakes that parents frequently make and I include myself is over explaining things to our kids particularly when it comes to telling them what to do scripts are short two to three words that summarize what you want your child to do. For instance if you tell your four year old to get dressed and she won't look her in the eye and say, you need to listen and obey. Don't say you need to get dressed because it's cold outside in when you go to preschool your teacher won't like it if you have your PJ's on. Or if your three year old hits, his sister you intervene and simply say, no, we don't do that. You could say please don't hit your sister because it will make her feel badly in our family we don't hurt each other because that makes the other person angry and hurt, and you don't want anybody else in the family to be angry and hurt particularly your sister. To say yes as often as you can say, yes, makes the child feel more connected to a parent and it gives them more self confidence however saying, yes does not mean letting the child do anything she wants it simply means putting a yes. In answers that you give for instance when your eight year old school rather than say, sorry, you just need to keep going it will get better..

Lisa
"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

08:44 min | 6 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

"Now let's say you had you're you're working with your daughter she's five or six or seven. And she's having temper tantrums and you need to take a shower and she refuses to get in the shower or you need to go to bed or. I mean, just think of if you could any sort of out of control experience an experience where she was out, of Control. If if a child's being really. Hard to live with as you talk about, how would you apply do need to do something before you can apply these three strategies or can you just start using them right away? Well if a child is already distressed and this regulated and a little out of control I, I don't think that's the time probably use most of these really your only goal at that point first of all is to keep everyone safe if this is turning into a big thing, but secondly, it's to try to bring the child close and use your calm regulated state, which you may not feel, and it takes some work out golfing and calming and try to use your com to bring them into com regulation with you. So you know at the end of the day with a child WHO's really Challenging, you might just have to let go of that shower it may not happen because you cannot we. You know especially older teens and things we cannot physically pick up a child and put them in our. So we have to decide what is really important here, and really what's most important is relationship. There's some things that we cannot Just lecco obviously, but we want to focus on the relationship. Let go of everything that's not truly important and then really prioritize what are we going to expect of that child? Well. You're absolutely right and I think we over complicate things a lot. One of the things I see is a lot of parents are short on time. You know they're working outside the house they're getting their kids off to daycare at six thirty in the morning and the child doesn't WanNa go and they don't want to you. You know you can sense where I'm going here. But what really what you're talking about takes some time and some calm and some energy, you can't just do it on the fly and Do these strategies and principles work with non adoptive kids as well? Do they work with say at teenagers that's lived in your home? But is going through some kind of crisis when they're fourteen or fifteen years old and they're just out of control. Would would you approach that Chad? The same way you would with an adoptive child who has an attachment disorder. I would I would because really every healthy relationship is built on the foundation of trust and connection, and so you know I've parented a lot of kids now in a lot of teens and I really try to keep the relationship and the connection at the heart of my interactions. I fail all the time you know because like you said, this is exhausting is a really hard this very intense parenting and and when kids go through a hard season whether they're born to us or adopted, it's GonNa take a lot out of us and we will have to like I had to dramatically changed my life and the things I thought were important. Really a lot of those had to go because I was in the trenches of parenting, my kids and I'm thankful that I was able to do that. That was able to be home with them but yes, I think all of these principles building relationship on trust and attachment with for all children and in fact, they worked for marriage to off the. Their show yes. It would make sense because I think the whole idea of scripts is so important because one of the things that I see with well intentioned loving parents who are very educated. Often try to explain to their kids that can't handle what they're trying to explain, and it ends up frustrating the child. I've seen parents in grocery stores with three year olds who? Want you know a sugary cereal and they don't want to buy it and explaining to the child by the can't have it and how bad it is for them in the child's just getting matter matter. So I I think that you're very smart and you know for parents and families to come up with a handful of scripts that they use over and over. You talk about saying yes, and obviously there are times when you need to say no to a child, you know when when they're endangered or something so. You're not Avi always saying say, yes, you're saying say, yes to the big things whenever you can is that, right? Yes. Say I think say yes whenever you can and even if you have to give a no, if you can start it with a yes like the child says, you know I wanna stay up late tonight and watch this show you can say You know. Friday night you stay up late we'll watch that show together but tonight, it's time you. Try to try to meet that need that they have even if you cannot give a yes in the moment. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. It's really great. I wish I'd known all this when my kids were younger but. Not. A lot of it. You know you're so exhausted as a young parent and you don't you're losing sleep and you're worried you're doing the wrong thing talk about personality because we hear a lot particularly today. That kids really are sort of born very multiple and and what we want is to have these children I call him gray kids you know they wear gray, they don't wear pink or blue. Dress them in gray to let them sort of pick their way. But I think if you apply that to a larger sense. How much does personality play because you've you have so many kids. Obviously it's not just about parenting, but don't you think some kids are easier to parent than other kids because of their personality or do you think their personality really comes about by the way they've been parented? Nature versus nurture. You're giving me a tough question here. I think that children are born very unique like God makes us all different. We are wired differently. I think I mean with my kids I gave birth to they grew up in the same environment same parents and I have a wide variety of personalities of interest of I mean. I've got a child who is a physician I've got another child who's a writer you know and they have the same parents so and I have some kids who were easily consoled and easy going and other kids who are not. Just, the kids born to me. So I I think we we want to give an optimal environment for our kids to develop into the people. God wants him to be and become you know as healthy as possible. But there we can't. They're not do not blank slates they come to us who as who they are and children come to us through adoption. You know they have a whole other. History in their lives especially if they didn't come as newborns. So they're coming with a whole lot of personality and a lot of experiences before we ever set eyes on them. Yeah. I I'm thinking of my own kids and it's well, I think you know our oldest is so very different from our youngest and You know some kids it seemed to me are just born. with a harder time with life, they're more explosive other kids as you say, they're very sent their sensitive they're easy console. They're very gentle and you think, what am I doing differently between these two kids but sometimes, you're not doing anything differently do you think or are you? Well, we do respond to our children. So as much as we'd like to say, we don't do anything differently. We probably do because we're human you know. So that child is super easy. It's easy to keep our tone light..

attachment disorder Chad Avi writer
"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

02:40 min | 6 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

"With their frosting makes me WANNA have one right now we actually give our kids Pillsbury grands cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. They're special. They're sweet and everybody in my house loves them. It's a tradition and Pillsbury grands cinnamon rolls always remind us of being together particularly on Christmas morning Pillsbury grands cinnamon rolls makes any morning. That much sweeter grab Pillsbury grands cinnamon rolls at a store near you and remember to get more because they go fast. KIWI CO create super cool hands on projects designed to expose kids of all ages two concepts in steam science technology, engineering art, and math. Kiwi coz mission is to help kids bill confidence creativity and critical thinking skills and a blast while doing it. Each crate is designed by experts and tested by kids and teaches A. New Steam concept each box is delivered monthly and comes with all the supplies needed for that project plus detailed kid-friendly instructions and enriching magazine filled with content to learn more about the crates theme. Each line caters to different age groups and there are a variety of topics plus the crate includes everything you need. So you don't have to worry about running out extra supplies friends if you've listened to my podcast for even a short period of. Time you know I love Kiwi co I have five grand children ages seven down to two, and there's a key we cope box for every age grandchild. Grandkids love seeing the Kiwi Co boxes come in the mail land at our doorstep. We open them up and dig into see what they can learn that day. The Fun thing about Kiwi Co is you learn, but kids don't realize they're learning because they're having so much fun with Kiwi. Coast hands on our in science projects kids can engineer a walking robot blast off a bottle rocket. We've done that explore colorful kid-friendly chemistry and more everything you need to make steam seriously fun delivered to your doorstep. Get your first month free on select crates at Chico Dot com slash meg. That's K. I W I C O, dot com slash meg..

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

02:07 min | 6 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

"To take a quick break but please don't go anywhere. We'll be right back with more of this conversation Parents home where we make breakfast the sweetest part of the day when you need something delicious to get everyone together there's Pillsbury, grands, cinnamon. Rolls Pillsbury grands cinnamon rolls have delicious cinnamon swirls drizzled with sweet melted icing. They're easy to make an even the kids can enjoy icing and decorating their favorite cinnamon treats I love Pillsbury grand cinnamon rolls, and to tell you the truth I've been serving them to my kids and now my grandkids for. Years. One of the reasons I love Pillsbury grants cinnamon rolls is because I have a sweet tooth and every Christmas morning. I always like to serve cinnamon rolls and Pillsbury. Grants is a wonderful easy way to serve them plus it's really fun to involve the grandkids and making them and drizzling them with melted icing. It's kind of fun to have everybody get together and talk together as we make the delicious cinnamon Rolls Pillsbury cinnamon makes any. Morning that much sweeter grab Pillsbury grants, cinnamon rolls at a store near you and remember to get more because they go fast parents home is where we make breakfast the sweetest part of the day when you need something to listen to get everyone together there's Pillsbury grands cinnamon. Rolls Pillsbury grands cinnamon rolls have delicious cinnamon swirls drizzled with sweet melted icing. They're easy to make even the kids can enjoy icing and decorating their favorite cinnamon treats. Friends I love Pillsbury Grand, cinnamon rolls and tell you the truth does reading about how you make them. An drizzle them.

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

07:13 min | 6 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

"An intervention or a way of caring for children who experienced this kind of trauma and I remember reading the book in learning so much about the fact that there were really three key things that I had to do. They talk about we talk about the. Principles, connecting principles and correcting principles, and those all had to be. We had to meet all three of those different things in order to help our children he l.. And you know when I First read the book I remember being. My eyes were really opened. But then I saw video of Dr Purvis teaching. and. When I saw her speak she really existed so much hope she loved the Lord she has since passed away, but she really loves the Lord and she was very, very gifted and I felt so much hope from her and I remember thinking if she has his much hope for my kids I'm GonNa hold onto her hope I'm GonNa Learn everything I can and then I share this with my husband and we were all in with connected parenting. Talk about the three. The three. Strategies. If you would with parents, you talk about scripts saying, yes and giving choices and was it applying these really helped you with your daughter or was it something that you learned that Dr Purvis was teaching before you began to apply these three strategies? Yes. I learned all of those from her and I think one of the first tools the reason it's one of the first chapters in the book is about script simplifying scripts is because it's one of the simplest things her parents to apply from the very beginning scripts are Jesse's short simple phrases that we use, and we we practice them with our children we use them over and over again. And they do a couple things one they keep us from overloading our children with words. You know it's really easy for parents to talk on and on. But especially when a child is just regulated when they're little bit upset, they can't even understand what we're saying. We have to keep it very, very simple. The other thing about scripts his child knows exactly what it means where we have shared language and that's a trust building thing to, and so they begin to know what we're saying we keep it really short and these scripts will then help move our children toward optimal behavior and altered their beliefs in positive way so I'll give an example Dr. Purpose would teach you know we need to get I contact with our children. Will I contact us really really hard if you've been harmed by people and you don't trust people. So something we have to work on with our kids. So what she teaches if she would say, let me see your beautiful eyes and and get the child to turn their eyes toward you and then you praise them, you say, oh You're such beautiful is and then you go on to instruct them. You know now it's time to come to the table to eat or whatever you gain eye contact I we can't just toss things over our shoulder like, hey, come to the table for dinner because our children these children will not likely do it. So I contact the other script I still use being a mom of teens is try that again with respect. So you know, they might say something. And I know what they're trying to save but they're not saying in a respectful way and it's a need that I can meet I'll just say, hey, try that again with respect. So we use that script a lot in the book I have a whole lot of different scripts but they can also be things that are something a family develops on their own. It doesn't have to be something that we thought of every family's different and so they can come up with their own little scripts. The giving of yeses is very important because like we mentioned in the beginning. When a child's needs are not met they are not receiving. Yes. It's like every time apparent says, Oh, my child's crying I'm GonNa pick them up to yes. Oh my child's hungry. I'm GONNA feed them. That's a yes in. So especially when parents are stressed and we're in hard circumstances with our kids, it's really easy to say, no, I know for me I felt so out of control that the last thing I, could I wanted to do was be flexible because I was scared I was just regulated you know but the giving of yes is Really important. So that children understand yes we're going to meet your needs and then the last one giving choices the reason that is really useful as it builds trust. So we we are trusting a child that we present choices. The choices are ours to offer, but then we let them choose between one or the other, and it can be as simple as do you WANNA wear the red shirt today or the green shirt today and we let them practice choosing. Do you want to have a peanut butter sandwich for lunch or do you want to have? I don't know I can't think of Turkey you know let them choose all of these things are helping the child learn that their voice matters that were listening and we're going to meet their needs. That's hard to do when you're upset and a Lotta Times. I find these things come up like a script will come up or a need to say, yes, we'll come up or even giving choices when you're stressed for instance. A two and a half year old who? Has. A lot of toys all over this must have happened to you a lot. You have so many kids you couldn't run around picking up and doing everything all you're all on your own, but you need them to pick the toys up. And you want it done pretty quickly because you're going somewhere. So how do you? Can you walk us through? What would your script be? How do you say? Yes, how do you give a? When you need them to pick up their toys. In. That instance I would probably say, and this is just off the top of my head I'd probably putting you on the spot here. Okay. That's okay. I would probably say, okay, it's time to pick up toys. Would you like to hand them to mommy and I'll put them in the basket. Would you like to put them in the basket yourself? So I'm giving them to positive choices that are both going to end up resulting in what I want and when I give choices a hold out one hand and then the other with each choice to the child actually has a physical representation so I might hold out one hand and say, would you like Mommy to put the toys in the basket, you bring them to mommy or do you want to put them yourself and then the child can see that there are two options and when they're upset, it wouldn't be in this instance they can just touch the hand they give the right answer. Does that make sense? Yes. Absolutely absolutely and as your because I know this is GonNa be. It sounds easy but I've been in these situations enough to know that it's really really hard first of all. If you're dealing with a child WHO's upset and ornery and doesn't WanNA listen and maybe they're they're yelling. And you know there are a lot of emotions that go through parents feel like, why.

Dr Purvis Turkey Jesse
"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

06:51 min | 6 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

"Their needs and every single turnaround. So if you wouldn't mind talked to us about your experience with your daughter and how you came through that. Will we had been parents for twenty years when we adopted children from Ethiopia. So we really felt that we very experienced and we were. We are very experienced parenting. The children who had been born to us. We did a lot of preparation. You know we went through training and all kinds of things before our kids came home and. I don't know anything could have quite prepared us for the depth of our daughters struggles. She was a very very harmed little girl and I used to say it was like a river fear was running through her veins and the thing about fear in these children is that it comes out looking like anger looking like out of control behavior when really it's deep deep fear in their core and so with her she was very quickly what we would call this regulated the smallest thing with throw her completely into these rages that would. Go On for long periods of time and when she came home and we were experiencing this tumult, I mean it really through our whole family into crisis because our other children had never seen anything like this, their home had been very safe, very secure, very stable and all of a sudden. It felt like a warzone Nan and I can remember crying lot praying lot wondering what we should do and why it was all going. So wrong and if we had really heard the Lord, why was it turning out like this? You know And it took us a long time to find help but we did find good help. We learned a lot more about what we would call connected therapeutic parenting and began applying all of those skills but it was not easy at all and it took a huge investment of our time and energy in order to persevere with parenting her in the way that she needed. What kind of behaviors were you sing and her, and how old was she when you start seeing them? When she was five and a half before she came home and to be honest when we met her in Ethiopia within itin hour, we knew that things were going to be difficult. We didn't I mean I think I was very hopeful like you know if when we get our home and we feed her and we take care of her and give her so much love and affection it's GonNa be okay and I think a lot of adoptive parents are not prepared for the long. Long Road of healing. This does not happen in a year or two years. It's a long road and with her she was such a survivor an adorable I mean if you could see how she was, you'd be just amazed she was beautiful beautiful child but she had learned that to protect herself. She had to be in control, and so in the orphanage she was a child who could chump the highest sing the loudest smile the biggest like she knew how to draw your attention. But in the home she saw every sibling as a competitor. So she was very aggressive toward the other children the younger children she was very aggressive toward me. Not so much toward my husband but When she became this regulated, we talk about children have having a fight flight or freeze response she was a fighter. And that was very difficult. So a lot of screaming a lot of aggression She had a lot of food trauma. So she wasn't a child who hoarded so much. But when she felt hungry, she was immediately just. Out of control because his hunger terrified her because deep within herself I think she felt she would die. You know I, feel hungry. I might die because that's how it felt on the streets of. Ethiopia. How did your other children handle all of this because if you've got one child who's sort of pulling all of the energy out of the family. What was it like for them and how did you help them? Well. It was very traumatizing for them. You know some of my kids were already in college and they started staying on campus a whole lot more even though they lived at Home Sim of my children were home schooled that became nearly impossible. I had friends who took over homeschooling for me. I think the hardest part was that the children who are too little to escape. Lived in this fear of of trauma and. This regulation. And it was very hard for them because she was not our youngest. You know I had three younger than her when she came home. So our two little boys from with Yoga and then one of our daughters by birth were all younger and so they were very vulnerable and we had to work hard to protect them. I think it was a while before we realized how much are older children were truly suffering and we we couldn't. We couldn't think about it. We were just so survival mode ourselves you know. We. Had to go back and repair a lot of relationship hurts with our older kids but you know. They're they're wonderful and they've they've forgiven us for all that we didn't know and all that we didn't do and we have a very close family now that. Going into adoption you your eyes were open. You'd been parenting for quite a while. I mean you're probably is as well prepared as anybody could be for adoption. Be You said when these troubles came, you still felt a little bit paralyzed. What do we do what we do, and then it seems to me that a real turning point for you was when you began. Listening and studying. Dr Purposes. Teaching Dr Karyn Purvis and her series. Can you talk a little bit about that time and what changed for you then? Yes, I was introduced to Dr previous I was already blogging I had started blogging in two thousand six before we brought our children home and one of my readers told me that I should read the Connected Child by Dr Karyn. Purvis Dr David Cross, they were from you and had developed something called trust based relational intervention and it was really a. An intervention or a way of caring for children who experienced this kind of trauma and I remember reading the book in.

Ethiopia Dr Karyn Purvis Home Sim Dr Karyn Dr Purposes Dr David Cross
"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

08:51 min | 6 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on Parenting Great Kids with Dr. Meg Meeker

"I want you now to listen in on a conversation that I had with Lisa Walls I. Know You really going to enjoy it. Well Lisa. Thank you so much for joining me on my podcast today. Thank you for having me. It's truly an honor I'm thrilled to be here. Well, I whenever I am talking with. People who've written books like this. The connected parent realize strategies for building, trust and attachment. I like to dive into your brain and pull out as much. Great. As I can because there's so much that I wanNA learn from you that our audience is going to want to learn for you because you really are an extraordinary woman. You wrote a lot of this book out of your personal experience. You have eight children by birth and you adopted for Kit. Now that makes anybody gasp when we think that I rang kits and now we have. Grandchildren, but it's it's exhausting. Can talk about adoption at the beginning of our program, and then we'll get to attachment of biologic children. Later, you describe in the book, some difficulties that you had with adoptive and foster children particularly as it came to attachment. Can You? Describe why attachment in those early years with a child are so important? As, far as their relationships later in life. Yes, we'll attachment really forms the foundation for all of our future relationships. Attachment is built very strongly in that first year of life when a child, a baby expresses a need and that need is met by their caregiver and this happens thousands of times. The baby cries the mother comes and picks the baby up the baby's hungry. The babies fed the baby's cold the wrapped in a blanket and their needs are met over and over and over again and. So the whole lesson of that first year of life in terms of attachment is I can trust will when a child does not experience having their needs met then and they cry and nobody comes and they're hungry and they're not fed. Then they develop a strong distrust of the world of people and truly their their brain chemistry is also by this by these early traumas of their needs not being met, and so all of that affects their attachment they don't develop. Secure attachment because of these losses in these early TRAUMAS and that goes on to affect all of us are attachment to our original. Our very first parents affects us throughout our lives. And how long does the building of this attachment take you said the first year of life, but it continues into the second third and fourth year as well. Is that correct? Yes and I think attachment. Well I. Think There's a hopeful message in this in that. Attachment can be healed and children can become securely attached even older ages I think attachment can also be harmed. Yes. It's I. Think it's somewhat of a lifelong process especially for a child who has not had secure attachment if they join a family through adoption or foster care and they begin building it even much later in life, they can develop secure attachment. These we've got parents out there who have adopted children already up different ages and parents who are thinking of an of adoption. Is there an age that's best if you can choose to adopt a child, I mean is better from birth when they're one obviously you know the earlier, the better but is, is there a time when? If attachment doesn't form. It's really hard to. For child to learn to reattach, for instance, if they're five or six or seven or even Tan. Well I do think it can become more difficult as children have experienced a longer period of time of not having their needs met not having secure attachment. I think it can become increasingly difficult. However, I do think it's possible and children who are harmed in relationship can also heal in relationship. So yes, perhaps it is easier if a child is very young although we do know that being separated from their first parents trauma in and of itself and so even children adopted newborns can experience some challenges at some point in. Terms of attachment but you know we adopted our children came to us at five months twenty months five and a half and ten and a half, and so we really experienced a broad range of ages within our own children and I've come to somewhat of an understanding that when children are significantly older especially if they're pre puberty if they're moving toward becoming a teenager. I I'm not a scientist I'm not an expert but in my experience sometimes those children, we may not be able to form that secure attachment. But what we can do is we can bring so much healing into their lives that we set the foundation for them to have secure attachment in their future with their spouses with their children. So it may not look the same as it tattooing. We'd form with a young child, but it can still be really good. Great. So even if you have a child who his five or eight or ten and ahead a really rough start and never was allowed to attach I'm sinking in the old Soviet Union. been doing this many years in and saw some children come over at seven or eight or nine, and these were kids who basically were in a crib on their back the first year and a half two years of life. A bottle was stuck in their mouth and that was really there the interaction that the head with humans nothing was safe life wasn't safe it they they didn't even bother crying after a while because nobody was gonNA come. So when you have a child that that deprived emotionally and has no attachment at all and then they come to you what are some of the issues and problems that parents can expect to to have. Well I think a lot of children who have not had really they have no foundation of secure attachment. You know they may exhibit some really challenging behaviors and we definitely experienced that particularly with one of our daughter's. Children have such a deep distrust of people and of the world that their brains have been wired to be a rewired from how they should have been to be very hyper vigilant to be very they can become they can appear really independent because they just have not been able to have any of their own their net anyone else. So they've learned to become these survivor's they may. have very out of. Control. what we would call a Tantrum in the adoption world. We might call a rage because the child can be. So quickly this regulated that it can become very, very big and they don't have the internal skills to calm and regulate. They may hoard food because they've been so deprived I mean there are any number sometimes kids can have significant issues with bathroom ing on me. All kinds of things can happen and some of those are very hard to heal but again I think. By the grace of God. And using all the best skills we have. We can just do our best to bring our children into as much healing as possible Well, let's talk about your your personal experience because I've seen it in a lot of the patients that I've worked with with adoptive kids. You had particular trouble with one of your daughters really acting out and you say that it caused you to feel guilty as a mom and you just felt like I was a terrible mom I don't know what to do and a lot of parents I think of adoptive kids feel if I just pour on a not a lot of love and nurture them and hold them and I'm meet their needs and every single turnaround. So if you wouldn't mind talked to us about your experience with your.

Lisa Walls TRAUMAS scientist Soviet Union. Tan
"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

03:31 min | 11 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

"Don't know yet how we're GONNA distribute that I I shouldn't say, but I believe it's going to be just available for people who purchase the book, So if if groups are using the book or anybody, you know they'll be an opportunity to have a steady guide to go along side. It sounds like the adoption connection usable club. I think Redo. We should totally read this as a group. That's a great idea. And speaking of groups. Also gathering a very special group of people, so tell us a little bit that. so by the time this airs, be gathering what we call a lunch team or review team, and you are invited to be part of it. It will be a team of people who are interested in helping. Get the word out about the book, and we'll have our own private facebook group where I will be doing videos and my publisher, one of the women from the publisher will be engaging in that group, too, and helping us know how to share the book, and also probably most importantly will be asking everybody. Everybody in the group to write a review, because it can be super simple, but reviews make all the difference in propelling book forward right when it comes out so I think it's going to be a lot of fun I. Think it's GonNa last for maybe just a couple of weeks, maybe three EDANO. It'll be sort of a short last short commitment, but I think it'll be a lot of fun. People on the review team getting early like. Will we get to read the book before the rest of the world? Yes! You will as a matter of fact, so I believe now we're talking a little bit ahead of things, but I believe that everybody on the review team will get an early e copy or e book to read in order to prepare to review it, and so that's a nice, little perk as well. Yes. And remind us again. What's the release date? This is like you're like Judeh like your. Yes, in the new childlike. What's what's the date for the buck? So the book will be released July seventh and here I want everybody to be sure to hear the whole title to its Connected Parent Real Life Strategies for building trust and attachment. It can be in your hands, and I believe if you preorder pre orders are very very important to help a book also gain momentum. If you pre-order, it will be delivered to you. I believe by day. Yeah, on the release date. You should receive it, so that's exciting. That's definitely true in normal life I don't know if it's. So yeah. Well nothing's been quite the way we expect it I mean we thought we were going to have a big launch party and I had numerous speaking engagements where I was going to be talking about the book, and of course all of that is canceled. So this is a little bit of a sad time to be releasing a book, but it's also a time when I. I think we all need it more, you know we need the support, and we need the tools and so God. Has it figured out I'm trying not to worry about it or be too disappointed, and we're hoping there can still be some celebration when more traveling gathering is permitted. I'm all about a delayed launch party. I'll be there. Yes, we definitely do that. Yeah, and so all the information about how join the review team how to preorder the book because you can pre-order it today, even though it's not out yet, all the things are on. The show notes page.

publisher facebook
"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

08:09 min | 11 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

"When I knew that they were behind it and they wanted this book published. Then I reached out to Emily Harris. Longtime assistant, who had kept us organized through the whole process you know. And I said, can you help me take? Doctor? Purposes notes for the portions that aren't done in Kenya me. Finish this book, so she joined in on the project. And we were able to finish the book. We were able to get a book contract with a wonderful publisher. And it honestly feels a bit like a miracle like pretty sure when I. Get a copy of my hands I'm just going to start bawling. It's a dream. Come true. Really? Yeah, well, I mean. It's almost a decade of your life like I. Mean Not you aren't writing that whole time and so much has happened in that I remember when we first met and you told me about it will first of all I was shocked. I was like there's there's another book from Dr For us, but but just. This, like hope that that it could come to fruition, and now as before you had a book contract, you know, remember the book proposal all the things, and so even the last two years of of getting permission to finish it finish at the book contracts and all of that that's felt like a lifetime, so it really has it really. I have worked on this book for so long that it's. It's really an incredible thing to be getting to this point. I mean when. This episode airs you all who are listening to it. We're only a month out from the book actually launching from it being able to be in all of our hands, which is so unbelievable and exciting, and and you know it's. It's a wonderful book it is. People have asked me sometimes. How is it different from the connected child well, I think the big obvious difference of course is set. It's written in two voices. It's my voice as a mom and her voice as A scientist and all of her experience. You know you've got two very different voices. Every single chapter begins with stories from me. And then. Content from Dr Purvis where she explains the science and the methods, and then ends with another story from me about my family and I think it's laid out. Really really well. Of course I designed the layout, but I mean I. Don't mean visually laid out i. mean the whole design of. The order, attent like you can find topics that relevant to you, but it's very topical. It has a stronger emphasis on attachment and more current attachment information from when the connected child was written. We have a chapter on the with the very first chapter is understanding the foundation of attachment, and then the next chapter is understanding yourself, and it's a chapter where we talk about our own experiences as parents and our own histories, and understanding our history and having compassion for ourselves, and then that leads to understanding why certain things might trigger us the way they do, and why certain things might be hard for us in our relationships with our children and. I think it's really good, I. I'm always a little cautious about talking about parental attachment and things. Because I think sometimes, it can feel shaming to parents like. You know they feel like we're saying Oh. This is actually about you, and that is not at all what we're saying because this is this is an emphasis on just. Really knowing ourselves. Goes both ways right, so it's. Just one person, or another on the must bring things to the relationship, and and we're all human, so what we bring to the relationship is never production. That's for sure for sure so so there's a little more attachment. There's more updated language because you know. Things have developed with TB are I over the years. And let me think what else. Are Teens and older kids, which I covered seen only a big missing piece at felt Lincoln me when we were parenting, our older kids and using that as a reference. Yes, we have a whole chapter on teens, and we have a chapter on really caring for yourself and staying healthy so that you can stick with it I mean. This is a long marathon. This is a long long road and we have to take care of ourselves in order to. beat the parents our kids need us to be. Yeah absolutely and I think that I think if we had asked Dr Purvis way back when even when the connected child came out, she knew that she would have been able to tell us, but it wasn't at least to me. It wasn't. Really, obvious and I needed obvious when we were in the hardest part of our parenting journey that it wasn't like a magic formula if we. Had total voice control, and we choices and compromises, and realize the need behind the behavior that it was all going to just magically. Solve itself, but that this was. A very hard, even though it felt a little permissive to me, a very hard way to parent takes a lot of energy. And I think that was. For me part of the missing bridge. Over the years as we've. Learned grown and developed into hopefully more therapeutic parents when we were a decade ago. Was this reminder to ourselves to be kind to ourselves? The this was hard hard work that we had to be in it for the marathon. The sprint and the marathon was years. Decades. Yes absolutely I mean we've both had our kids home for a long time I? Mean my kids came home in two thousand seven house a long time ago, but You know kids have had a lot of trauma require a different level of parenting. The just do their needs are different and Yeah, it's definitely a marathon and I think that's an important chapter. And of course, the whole book in addition to honoring Calcuta on really is honoring Dr. Purvis's her her legacy. Her gift to all of us I mean. Yes I wrote a lot of the book, but this book is a gift to me too, and I I just hope people love it. It's going to be. And I should add to our audience that the book is intentionally not a faith-based book. Because we want this book to be available to everyone, we want it to be used for foster parent training and for. Teachers and even though it is about parents, of course, all of these things can be applied to professional educators. Healthcare providers all those people, and so we want the book to have a very broad appeal, and we would not want it to be not able to be used for any kind of governmental foster parent training so. We're hoping to reach a very broad sense. Yeah, so it's called the connected parents, obviously for all caregivers and parents of foster and adoptive children and kinship placements all that, but also a fantastic resource for professionals for agencies to use for the purpose of training maybe to give extended family. You know people who are having Louis who's in your tribe whose helping you care for your kids. you know the story format is going to make it super super readable. And then. Because a lot of us are on the move a lot. There will be this audio book that you're hopefully recording as we as people are listening to this, and so that will be a fantastic resource to to listen to you. Tell us the wisdom of of all the hard work that you and Dr. Purpose put into this book, So yes, also harvest. House is going to be developing. A harvest s with the publisher. They are developing a study guide that will go alongside the book I don't know yet how we're. GonNa distribute that I..

Dr. Purvis publisher Kenya Emily Harris Dr Purvis scientist Lincoln Dr. Purpose House Louis Calcuta
"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

08:08 min | 11 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

"When I knew that they were behind it and they wanted this book published then I reached out to emily her longtime assistant, who had kept us organized through the whole process you know. And I said. Can you help me take? Doctor Purposes notes for the portions that aren't done in. Kenya help me finish this book, so she joined in on the project. And we were able to finish the book. We were able to get a book contract with a wonderful publisher. and. It honestly feels a bit like a miracle like. Sure when I get a copy of my hands I'm just going to start bawling. It's a dream come true. Really Yeah. It's almost a decade of your life like I mean not. You aren't writing that whole time and so much has happened in that I remember when we first met, and you told me about it will first of all I was shocked I was like. There's there's another book from Dr For us, but but just. This like hope that that it could come to fruition, and now as before you had a book contract, you know, remember the book proposal all the things, and so even the last two years of of getting permission to finish it finish at the book contracts and all of that that's felt like a lifetime, so it really has it really. I have worked on this book for so long that it's. It's really an incredible thing to be getting to this point I mean when. This episode airs you all who are listening to it. We're only a month out from the book actually launching from it being able to be in all of our hands, which is so unbelievable and exciting, and and you know it's. It's a wonderful book it is. People have asked me sometimes. How is it different from the Connected Child? Well I think the big obvious difference of course is set. It's written in two voices. It's my voice as a mom and her voice as A scientist and all of her experience. You know you've got two very different voices. Every single chapter begins with stories from me. And then. Content from Dr Purvis where she explains the science and the methods, and then ends with another story from me about my family and I think it's laid out. Really really well. Of course I designed the layout, but I mean I. Don't mean visually laid out the whole design of. The order attent like you can find topics that relevant to you, but it's very topical. You'd has a stronger emphasis on attachment and more current attachment information from when the connected child was written. We have a chapter on the with the very first chapter is understanding the foundation of attachment, and then the next chapter is understanding yourself, and it's a chapter where we talk about our own experiences as parents and our own histories, and understanding our history and having compassion for ourselves, and then that leads to understanding why certain things might trigger us the way they do, and why certain things might be hard for us in our relationships with our children and. I think it's really good I think. I'm always a little cautious about talking about parental attachment and things because I think sometimes, it can feel shaming to adoptive parents like. You know they feel like we're saying Oh. This is actually about you. And that is not at all what we're saying because this is this is an emphasis on just. Really knowing ourselves. Goes both ways right, so it's. Just, one person or another on the must bring things to the relationship, and and we're all human, so what we bring to the relationship is never production. That's for sure for sure so so there's a little more attachment. There's more updated language because you know. Things have developed with TB are I over the years. and. Let me think what else. Are, teens and older kids, which I covered seen only a big missing piece at felt Lincoln me when we were parenting, our older kids and using that as a reference. Yes, we have a whole chapter on teens, and we have a chapter on really caring for yourself and staying healthy so that you can stick with it I mean this is a long marathon. This is a long long road and we have to take care of ourselves in order to. beat the parents our kids need us to be. Yeah, absolutely and I think that I I think if we had asked Dr Purvis, way back when even when the connected child came out, she knew that she would have been able to tell us, but it wasn't at least to me. It wasn't. Really obvious and I needed obvious when we were in the hardest part of our parenting journey that it wasn't like a magic formula if we. had. Total voice control, and we choices and compromises, and realize the need behind the behavior that it was all going to just magically. Solve itself but that this was. A very hard. Even though it felt a little permissive to me, a very hard way to parent takes a lot of energy. And I think that was. For me part of the missing bridge. Over the years as we've. Learned grown and developed into hopefully more therapeutic parents when we were a decade ago. Was this reminder to ourselves to be kind to ourselves? The this was hard work that we had to be in it for the marathon. The sprint and the marathon was years. Decades. Yes yes, absolutely I mean. We've both had our kids home for a long time I mean. My kids came home in two thousand seven house a long time ago, but You know kids have had a lot of trauma require a different level of parenting. The just do their needs are different and Yeah, it's definitely a marathon and I think that's an important chapter, and of course the whole book in addition to honoring Calcuta on, really is honoring Dr Purvis's her her legacy her gift to all of us. I mean. Yes I wrote a lot of the book, but this book is a gift to me too and I I. Just Hope People Love It. It's going to be. And I should add to our audience that the book is intentionally not a faith-based book. Because we want this book to be available to everyone, we want it to be used for foster parent training and for. Teachers and even though it is about parents. Of course, all of these things can be applied to other professionals educators healthcare providers all those people, and so we want the book to have a very broad appeal, and we would not want it to be not able to be used for any kind of governmental foster parent training so. We're hoping to reach a very broad sense. Yeah, so it's called the connected parents, obviously for all givers, parents of foster and adoptive children and kinship placements all that, but also a fantastic resource for professionals for agencies to use for the purpose of training maybe to give extended family. You know people who are having Louis. Who's in your tribe whose helping you care for your kids? you know the story format is going to make it super super readable. And then. Because a lot of us are on the move a lot. There will be this audio book that you're hopefully recording as we as people are listening to this, and so that will be a fantastic resource to to listen to you. Tell us the wisdom of of all the hard work that you and Dr Purpose. Put into this book, So yes, also harvest house is going to be developing. A harvest s with the publisher. They are developing a study guide that will go alongside the book I..

Dr Purvis publisher. Kenya Dr Purpose scientist Lincoln Louis Calcuta
"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

05:54 min | 11 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

"Just pretty amazing, very bright, very sparkly dimples energy the whole thing in fact when I think back to her. Referrals. Everything always said she has. She's very energetic now. Okay, let's translate energetic. Know read between the lines. Yes, yes I. I think. A lot of us would think will energetic. She probably was like hyper. Add actually she was hyper. Vigilant is what she was. She had so many stress chemicals running through her body was so much deep deep fear in her that she was hyper vigilant, and she had survival skills. She developed in order cope in her life. Any Theo. Pia and they came out looking like a whole lot of energy. But we knew we knew things were going to be challenging. Heard that people often have this honeymoon period when they get home and so when she and rests. Got Home. I was expecting that we did not have that you know. From the time she came home. We were faced with really challenging behaviors things. We'd never expected you know she had been so. Her brain had been so impacted by trauma that she saw the entire. World is threatening and everybody. All of her siblings were competition to her, and so she had to be dominant. You know because that's how she knew. That's how you get the food. That's how you get the close. That's how you get. Kind attention you know. Was Making sure you're the fastest the strongest, the loudest, the cutest you know all of that. And some of that came out looking like aggression, which was very scary back then you know it was such a shock in our family, and not all sudden have. Aggression so. You Know I. Think because we were so well prepared with studied guy, we went to a special training course just for people adopting from Ethiopia. We. My background was in mental health. We've been for twenty years. So, even though it was challenging I think we felt very optimistic that you know yeah, of course, it's going to be hard. This little girl has been through so much. Of course, it's going to be hard. But it's all going to be okay because we know what to do, and it's just GonNa take time. Well, even with time passing actually things continued to get worse. They didn't resolve. They didn't get better. and. We were really in desperate need of help. And I can earn number pulling literally pulling books off of my butt case because I of course by all kinds of adoption books and read them all. And just scanning through them trying to find something that would help. It makes me choke up right now, just thinking about it and actually in the room with that book case right now in all of those books, next member does kneeling on the floor, and in looking through trying to find anything that would help me. Because I was desperate, and our whole life had begun to revolve around rages, and very out of control, behavior and aggression. And it was. Very overwhelming. So sometime during that time you know way way back before it even brought our kids home. I had started a blog. One thankful mom dot com and I'd started writing there. and. I had begun to get a little more honest about what was going on. Because at first I didn't want to. I didn't want to discourage anybody. Because I knew I was so sure things were just going to get better that I. didn't. I figured it wouldn't really benefit anyone for me to write about how hard things were. But when I started to get honest. That's when people really started to come and read in. You know that's where we used to interact back. In the day, we used to actually interact on our blogs and the comments right yeah. Yeah. We didn't have the facebook groups and the things that we have now. So one of my readers. And I would love to find out who that was someday. She told me about this woman. Dr Karyn Purvis and her book the Connected Child. I hadn't heard of Doctor Purvis I hadn't heard of the book, but it was quite new back then. So, I got the book. And I read it and. There were a lot of things in there. There was a lot ardy new, but what I didn't have before reading, it was really concrete. Tools you know to us when I was actually interacting in parenting, my child and so? That was really really helpful. It began to sort of open my mind to this new way of looking at the challenges and thinking about the the what these behaviors were actually saying. You know the need behind the behavior and all of that. But what was even better than reading the Connected Child? Was the same person gave me some links to some videos of Carter Purvis. Speaking and they were from an old conference. They weren't anything big. They weren't professionally done. But when I heard her speak. That's when I knew. That she. Had something incredible to offer me because. Hearing her talk about how she worked with children. That was so powerful. You know and I remember crying watching her speak thinking. She has hoped for my kids. And if she could believe. The my kids could hill than I would hold onto that hope. Sorry I'm surprised I'm so shop. But it was very powerful. And I remember telling rest. I need you to watch these videos? And so we watched them together and he had the same experience. We're both just crying, so then I went back and I reread the.

Dr Karyn Purvis Ethiopia facebook Pia Theo
"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

05:54 min | 11 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

"Just pretty amazing, very bright, very sparkly dimples energy the whole thing in fact when I think back to her. Referrals. Everything always said she has. She's very energetic now. Okay, let's translate energetic. Know read between the lines. Yes, yes, I I think a lot of us would think will energetic. She probably was like hyper. Add actually she was hyper. Vigilant is what she was. She had so many stress chemicals running through her body was so much deep deep fear in her that she was hyper vigilant, and she had survival skills. She developed in order cope in her life. Any Theo Pia and they came out looking like a whole lot of energy. But we knew we knew things were going to be challenging. Heard that people often have this honeymoon period when they get home and so when she and rests. Got Home. I was expecting that we did not have that you know. From the time she came home. We were faced with really challenging behaviors things we've never expected. You know she had been so. Her brain had been so impacted by trauma that she saw the entire. World is threatening and everybody. All of her siblings were competition to her, and so she had to be dominant. You know because that's how she knew. That's how you get the food. That's how you get the close. That's how you get. Kind attention, you know. Was Making sure you're the fastest the strongest, the loudest, the cutest you know all of that. And some of that came out looking like aggression, which was very scary back then you know it was such a shock in our family, and not all sudden have. Aggression so. You know I think because we were so well prepared with studied got we went to a special training course just for people adopting from Ethiopia. We, my background was in mental health. We've been for twenty years. So even though it was challenging I think we felt very optimistic that you know. Yeah, of course, it's going to be hard. This little girl has been through so much. Of course, it's going to be hard. But. It's all going to be okay because we know what to do, and it's just GonNa take time. Well even with time passing actually things continued to get worse. They didn't resolve. They didn't get better. And we were really in desperate need of help. And I can earn number pulling literally pulling books off of my butt case because I of course by all kinds of adoption books and read them all. And just scanning through them, trying to find something that would help. It makes me choke up right now, just thinking about it and actually in the room with that book case right now in all of those books, next member does kneeling on the floor, and in looking through trying to find anything that would help me. Because I was desperate, and our whole life had begun to revolve around rages, and very out of control, behavior and aggression. And it was. Very overwhelming so sometime during that time you know way way back before it even brought our kids home, I had started a blog. One thankful mom dot com and I'd started writing there. and. I had begun to get a little more honest about what was going on. Because at first I didn't want to. I didn't want to discourage anybody because I knew I was so sure things were just going to get better that I didn't I figured. It wouldn't really benefit anyone for me to write about how hard things were. But when I started to get honest. That's when people really started to come and read in. You know that's where we used to interact back. In the day, we used to actually interact on our blogs and the comments right yeah. Yeah, we didn't have the facebook groups and the things that we have now. So one of my readers. And I would love to find out who that was someday. She told me about this woman in Dr. Karyn Purvis and her book, the Connected Child I hadn't heard of Doctor Purvis I hadn't heard of the book, but it was quite new back then. So I got the book. And I, read it and. There were a lot of things in there. There was a lot ardy new, but what I didn't have before reading. It was really concrete. Tools you know to us when I was actually interacting in parenting, my child and so. That was really really helpful. It began to sort of opened my mind to this new way of looking at the challenges and thinking about the the what these behaviors were actually saying. You know the need behind the behavior and all of that. But what was even better than reading the Connected Child? Was the same person gave me some links to some videos of Carter Purvis speaking, and they were from an old conference. They weren't anything big. They weren't professionally done. But when I heard her speak. That's when I knew. That she. Had something incredible to offer me because. Hearing her talk about how she worked with children that was so powerful. You know and I remember crying. Watching her speak thinking. She has hoped for my kits. And if she could believe. The my kids could hill than I would hold onto that hope. Sorry I'm surprised I'm so shop. But it was very powerful. And I remember telling rest. I need you to watch these videos, and so we watched them together and he had the same experience. We're both just crying, so then I went back and I reread the.

Dr. Karyn Purvis Ethiopia Theo Pia facebook
"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

06:10 min | 11 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

"Episode eighty eight of the adoption connection podcast. Lisa and I a recording in May, but the week that this that you're listening to this episode, I am hoping she is having time of her life in San, Diego. Right, Lisa recording the audio book for the Connected Parent. Yes I'm so excited. You know originally when I. We were talking about the audio book. I was I asked if I could be the one to actually narrate it, and they said Oh. No, we don't really do that. We hire professionals and apparently they had a change of heart because. I am doing it and I'm just completely thrilled. You're like I. Am a professional I talk for living. Well I told him I said I think my twenty three years of home schooling, and all that reading aloud should come in handy as as they narrate my book, so, but we're getting a little bit ahead of ourselves because we really want to talk. About is the fact that there is a book at all. Yeah absolutely so we said. Take us back and tell us a little bit about how the book came to be. And you tell us all the thing tells all the things about the book that we need to know. So many to go all the way back to the beginning, which actually goes back many many years because my life was, I touched by adoption, when as a young teenager, I became a birth mother, and that is a very hard and sad story I was not a very. I was not a willing birth mother. But that's how I touch. My life and I told that whole story episode twenty three of the Podcast, so if anybody wants to go back in here that you are welcome to hear it. But after I married in college, we started our family. We had a large family. We had seven kids, so I had eight children altogether. I was reunited with my oldest son. When he was a teenager, so he didn't grow up with my other kids, but he's one of my children to, and so I was at a point I was home schooling. My kids had seven at home. My youngest was three and i. just had this strong sense. The Gut had something more for me to do. which now looking back seems kind of funny like Oh my goodness. I was working so hard and drowning so many days trying to home school everybody. Run this really big household. But I just knew that something was coming. I actually thought I was going to go back to school and begin to develop a career. Because you know, my youngest was three I. mean surely someday is going to have time to have another career. Right? You're just. My head Lisa. Graham here on the option connection that you really probably are three, you know. Already looking ahead to the next thing you can accomplish before you know while you're already drowning in what you're currently doing. I'm visual oriented I'm very future-oriented to a fault, and it drives us a little bit crazy sometimes, but anyhow yes, I was looking to the future and thinking I was going to be going back to school, and then one of my good friends called me to tell me that she and her husband had decided to adopt two little boys for media. And I feel like that was a profound spiritual moment where I think. Got Just began to open my heart to this idea, and if you listen to the earlier, upset, my podcast. And you hear my story. You'll know that this was really very unexpected for me. I never imagined I would become an adoptive mom, not at the stage of my life. And so we began to look into adoption, and because our friends were adopting from Ethiopia. We thought that sounded like a really good plan, but before we committed to adopting, we sponsored a little girl at an orphanage for kids living with HIV. And she her sweet face was on our refrigerator, and we talked about her, and we prayed for her. and. We went forward with our plans to adopt. We decided to be very rational. We decided to adopt two little boys younger than our youngest child, our youngest daughter. And it seemed like a really good plan. And then our friends traveled to Copa and they went to this orphanage, and they met this little girl Kalki done. And the nurse at the orphanage told her. We really hope your friends going to a doctor. And that was moment our lives where things took a turn that we didn't expect. We first of all had no idea that she it was possible to adopt a child with HIV. And this was in two thousand and six, so we have to go way back. We did not actually know much about HIV at all. And we had a lot to learn, but through the. Months following that we truly felt compelled by God. To adopt her, you know she. Parents she needed a family and We just knew that God was calling us. And and so we went forward. Adopting and this. The story is really interesting because we ended up adopting three unrelated children through two different agency simultaneously. And it was pretty tricky process, but we traveled to Ethiopia. Two thousand seven, the beginning of two thousand seven, and we met all three of our new children. We knew when we went that. We would not be bringing Calcuta on home on that trip. Because at that point, the United States required. A person with HIV had to fill out a whole packet of materials waivers in order to enter the US to get a visa, so we submitted all of that while we were in Addis and then we had to leave her and come home with the two little boys until her visa was approved, and then Russ went back for her, but. The really significant thing is that even when we were in? We began to realize that. Calica John was gonNA have a lot of challenges. Being in a family being with us, she was beautiful, beautiful girl..

Lisa Ethiopia United States San Calica John Addis Calcuta Graham Diego Copa Kalki Russ
"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

06:10 min | 11 months ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

"Episode eighty eight of the adoption connection podcast. Lisa and I a recording in May, but the week that this that you're listening to this episode, I am hoping she is having time of her life in San. Diego Right Lisa recording the audio book for the Connected Parent. Yes I'm so excited. You know originally when I we were talking about the audio book. I was I. Asked if I could be the one to actually narrate it, and they said Oh. No, we don't really do that. We hire professionals and apparently they had a change of heart because. I am doing it and I'm just completely thrilled. You're like I. Am a professional I talk for living. Well, I told him, I, said I think my twenty three years of home schooling, and all that reading aloud should come in handy as as they narrate my book, so, but we're getting a little bit ahead of ourselves because we really want to talk. About is the fact that there is a book at all. Yeah absolutely, so we said. Take us back and tell us a little bit about how the book came to be. And you tell us all the thing tells all the things about the book that we need to know. So many to go all the way back to the beginning, which actually goes back many many years because my life was I touched by adoption when as a young teenager, I became a birth mother, and that is a very hard and sad story. I was not a very I was not a willing birth mother. But that's how I touch my life and I told that whole story episode twenty three of the Podcast, so if anybody wants to go back in here that you are welcome to hear it. But after I married in college, we started our family. We had a large family. We had seven kids, so I had eight children altogether. I was reunited with my oldest son. When he was a teenager, so he didn't grow up with my other kids, but he's one of my children to, and so I was at a point, I was home schooling. My kids had seven at home. My youngest was three and i. just had this strong sense. The Gut had something more for me to do. which now looking back seems kind of funny like Oh my goodness. I was working so hard and drowning so many days trying to school everybody. Run this really big household. But I just knew that something was coming. I actually thought I was going to go back to school and begin to develop a career. Because you know, my youngest was three I. mean surely someday is going to have time to have another career. Right? You're just. My head Lisa. Graham here on the option connection that you really probably are three, you know. Already looking ahead to the next thing you can accomplish before you know while you're already drowning in what you're currently doing. I'm visual oriented. I'm very future-oriented to a fault, and it drives us a little bit crazy sometimes, but anyhow yes. I was looking to the future and thinking I was going to be going back to school, and then one of my good friends called me to tell me that she and her husband had decided to adopt two little boys for media. And I feel like that was a profound spiritual moment where I think. Got Just began to open my heart to this idea, and if you listen to the earlier, upset, my podcast. And you hear my story. You'll know that this was really very unexpected for me. I never imagined. I would become an adoptive mom, not at the stage of my life. And so we began to look into adoption and it because our friends were adopting from Ethiopia, we thought that sounded like a really good plan, but before we committed to adopting, we sponsored a little girl at an orphanage for kids living with HIV. And she her sweet face was on our refrigerator, and we talked about her, and we prayed for her. and. We went forward with our plans to adopt. We decided to be very rational. We decided to adopt two little boys younger than our youngest child, our youngest daughter. And it seemed like a really good plan. And then our friends traveled to Copa and they went to this orphanage, and they met this little girl Kalki done. And, the nurse at the orphanage told her. We really hope your friends going to a doctor. And that was moment our lives where things took a turn that we didn't expect we first of all had no idea that she it was possible to adopt a child with. HIV. And this was in two thousand and six, so we have to go way back. We did not actually know much about HIV at all. and. We had a lot to learn, but through the. Months following that we truly felt compelled by God. To adopt her, you know she. Parents. She needed a family and. We just knew that God was calling us, and and so we went forward. Adopting and this. The story is really interesting because we ended up adopting three unrelated children through two different agency simultaneously. And it was pretty tricky process, but we traveled to Ethiopia. Two, thousand, seven, the beginning of two thousand seven, and we met all three of our new children. We knew when we went that. We would not be bringing Calcuta on home on that trip. Because at that point, the United States required. A person with HIV had to fill out a whole packet of materials waivers in order to enter the US to get a visa, so we submitted all of that while we were in Addis, and then we had to leave her and come home with the two little boys until her visa was approved, and then Russ went back for her, but. The really significant thing. Is that even when we were in? We began to realize that. Calica John was gonNA. Have a lot of challenges. Being in a family, being with us, she was beautiful, beautiful girl..

Lisa Ethiopia United States San Diego Calica John Addis Calcuta Graham Copa Kalki Russ
"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

05:38 min | 1 year ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

"Spent thirty days going through our are devotional faith hope in connection with a whole group of adoptive parents in our facebook group and it was so great we just day by day had discussions about each of the devotional for that day. We've had a lot of people. Ask us to do it again. And we thought what better way to start the year then to do it together together as a group so we're going to start fresh into the new year on January first with day one of the division also to be really easy to figure out what what the rest of us are doing. The days of the emotional will correspond the date in January. Thirty divisionals this is a a compilation of thirty entries from Thirty Authors Off Foster and adoptive parents and it's going to offer you a window into their own and lives and families. Yeah you're gonNA recognize yourself time and time again in their words because they are walking the same road so many of you are walking and there's really so much wisdom that they share and I just loved it. We had a wonderful time creating this devotional and reading together as a group is just a really powerful the experience. So you're going to want to grab your devotional if you don't have one already or if you'd like a clean copy because our journaling pages built right into the devotional devotional so you can do that by heading to the show notes for this episode or just searching on Amazon. It's available in paperback end on Condole. I'm I'm just go to Amazon and search for faith. Hope and connection. Welcome to the adoption connection. podcast where we share resources by I in for adoptive and foster MOMS. I'm Lisa qualls and this is Melissa comes. Don't worry we get it and we're here for you. Please welcome welcome to episode sixty six of option connection. podcast I thank you Melissa. So funded be here this morning with you so I have a little question for you. You know we're her one week away from Christmas. How you feel about that I think I'm okay. Okay here's what happened. A you know we always talk about our were terrible gift. Givers give yes I and so much so that just a couple of minutes ago. We actually thought there were two weeks so Christmas. And there's really only one so we're clearly really together also a podcast listener and I listen every once in a while to the Is it the big blue cast like with I think say shankill and severe Hadson. For some reason they crack me up the remind me of my best friend at me they did did a two part APP assode two-part gift guide episodes back to back like way back when when people normal people were thinking about Christmas shopping came. So if you're still really stuck you listen to that episode those two episodes because when I finished listening to his episodes actually felt like going shopping for people because they gave such good ideas. Okay that's really impressive. Can you think of one of the ideas they suggested that kind of stuck with you okay. It it turns out. It's super expensive because we check it out. Who's we are thinking about doing it for my father? But there's a at C. Shop that does custom bobbleheads and when they explained explained it. I thought they were you send a picture and I thought they kind of like took this picture in kind of like pasted it into a sphere or whatever made a bobble head out of it but we went to the shop and they actually take a picture of the person you send and they handcrafts like hand mould like some Skopje. A Three D. The sculpture of the person who send and turn it into a bobblehead. So like I said it's a pricey gift option but super impressive But they also have really good ideas for like teens which is great because I have no idea what teams are doing And good like hostess gifts like Great. They would make great like sister-in-law mother-in-law gifts. I don't know I. I was just super impressed. Well that's great. I will try to listen to that because I need a little inspiration so beyond Christmas shopping. We have a lot other things that you and I have been talking about. And one of them is about today's episode. You interviewed a friend therapist about neuro feedback and adopted children. Do you want to introduce her to us absolutely so Sarah Jordan is a counselor and a nurse technician. I guess would be the correct title for her inside love that she has these two different minorities intentionally is a couple other modalities as well. Aw that make her really such a great professional for adoptive families to have because we know that finding qualified people that really understand. I am nuances of our families. Sometimes they're few and far between. Sarah has been working in the mental health field since two thousand five and the last twelve twelve years. She has been specifically specializing in neuro feedback with families that are healing from attachment issues and other types of trauma. She is so knowledgeable logical end in the interview. She was really able to take the neuroscience of neuro feedback and really connected to the specific nick issues that our families are facing. She works out of an office in Idaho near Boise so anyway I just thought she was fantastic. Well I loved listening to the interview. I learned so much. She's a great teacher. She explains.

Amazon Melissa Sarah Jordan facebook Skopje Condole Lisa qualls C. Shop Boise Idaho nick technician
"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

04:04 min | 2 years ago

"lisa qualls" Discussed on The Adoption Connection | a podcast by and for adoptive moms

"Before we get started. I want to share a recent review it received from brash tag. She wrote I look forward to this podcast every week. I feel like I'm having coffee with friends who get it. I always leave encouraged an empowered. So I want to encourage and empower you to leave a review for the option connection podcast. This is how people are able to find it the more positive reviews, we have when people search adoption, it will start showing up to more and more adoptive moms, and we can reach more people who also need friends who understand. Yeah. I love that. I feel like I'm having coffee with friends who get it. We wish we were having coffee with you to friends if you want to leave a review, I tend to really the best place to do that. So in your app if you go to search at the bottom and type in adoption, our podcast will come up scroll all the way to the bottom, you'll see ratings and reviews and there is a place on the left that says right review. So we went love, if you took a minute to that we love hearing from you one, and then, two are really just looking to find the momma there who feels like she's all alone, and doesn't have any hope or help, and these reviews likely said, really help us pop up more in, like search engines, and things like that. So thanks so much for your help, guys. Welcome to the adoption connection podcast. There we share resources by enfor adoptive and foster moms. I'm Lisa Qualls, and this is Melissa corkum. Don't worry. We get it. And we're here for you. Hey, melissa. How.

Melissa corkum Lisa Qualls