17 Burst results for "Lauren Zander"

"lauren zander" Discussed on What We Said

What We Said

07:18 min | 1 year ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on What We Said

"They come from your parents and your your lineage or heritage the culture culture you are raised in and so your lack of willingness to confront. It's like Mommy or daddy or both right. These it starts to be pin the tail on the donkey. Okay and start to understand. You didn't invent this Ray You didn't invent those blue eyes either honey right so you're born into evolution Aleutian of your parents and so many of the ways we Li- came from them Right so it's it's deeper and it's a way to connect to your whole history and really make the change that they didn't make I make a joke. Here's this geography. What do you think's going to happen? First World Peace Ace or the end of lying I think world peace comes. No lying is like Yeah Lauren. Take that one on. Yeah that sounds so you know yeah. Woo Pat Honey. Lots of work to be done and don't worry I don't have a lot of competition. Yeah I was. Nobody wants my lane. Yeah Okay so you have inner you life in love yes. So that's your online course crowd to different course two different courses I have I I twenty years of work. I have two totally different like my basics is inner you life which goes into the twelve areas. Gets you to really work on your whole life gets you to understand your inner dialogue breaks at outbreaks out the everything right like basics of handle. It's really the book but really operationally unspoken to you and gives you all the assignments and has you be able to meet people and Buddy and take classes once you pay your tuition once. You're in for life well right. So that's actually how. I finally made my work. Not like my hourly rate is more than the whole. Damn course houses. Yeah so it's that's this is how I figured out to reach people and it's even my best work so even make the people who pay that hourly rate listened to it and because it's you know it's good and then the love love one is entirely different content okay and It really goes into your head your heart and your your history about relationships so you stop having a bad picker you really figure out what you want in the area of love you really get. I do a whole thing on sex and I make people face how awkward we are about talking about it and dealing with it. I go way into to there. It's an entirely different program. Okay cool well thank you for that Info and final question. What do you think is you kind of mentioned briefly? The difference between a little bit the difference between therapy in a life coach. Yeah like what do you think I mean obviously okay. You're a little biased. But what would you recommend to people like. Do you think that it's they should do. They should do one before the other. You think what do you think he gets depends on breath. Therapist wants to talk you through learning things and seeing things and having insights through your story the way you tell it the way you talk about. I like it's it's a very self actualising learning about how you think right now. That is not what I'm doing. I'm making you take over over the story so you can change the story. A hundred percent like author right so ours is so different than therapy. I'm not going into your narrative. Live to expand and make it smarter and evolve your continuum of the way you tell the story. I'm literally rebooting you and I making it all about actions and what I call personal integrity like keeping promises to yourself chasing your life so they. They're very different breath. Many people love their therapist and love me and they don't go it competing at all because I'm so bossy on introduce for your current life so you're actually doing things and a therapist isn't really doing that they're explain your thought right like Lauren. Are you exploring someone's father and I'm like like not very long. No but in some ways yes so. It's very different very different. Did that answer yeah. I think that's good to know I've been. I'm curious about that and I think some people like if you're depressed and you believe in depression right. I'm more like you're depressing right and if you I started to take the right actions and if you're like I can't I can't get out of bed I believe you. There really is mental illness and that is that is definitely a job for a therapist. Yeah Yeah for sure. Different different things for different people. Yeah and IT'S I. I mean I. I was with someone who does coaching last night. Nine and she was just coming out of her group therapy and like she loves group therapy and she loves learning and feeling and crying and going there. So it's also not what I do is personal MEA que. Good to know. Well thank you so much for coming online. We really appreciate it. Let everyone everyone know like where they can buy your book your course where they can find you and connect with the absolutely so my book is maybe. It's you Lauren Zander. That is the cheapest this way to get me. I'm sure it's like less than twelve bucks right now by the book But if you want to do the course that's inner you and it's just inner Jenner and then a u dot right like so it's dot com and its inner you life and we have inner you love. We even have inner you student coming out. Oh Yeah just for dealing in college and all of that sneezing actually because we've been doing that for twenty years And then we have Enter you career and again inner Yukari you can buy inner you career right now. You can buy Internet you love and interview life. All of those courses sources totally exists interviews. Student is coming out in April. Okay okay soon yeah very soon. Yeah but you could just go look handle group and it'll lead. Did you all roads lead to things you can find on him. And then we have lots of content get our newsletter we do facetime lives and instagram live relying hang in lots of guests and fun people. So if you're into this than please come join US amazing. I was looking into all of your stuff your instagram like watching and I'm like we could talk about so much like there's so much talk about but I feel like people will get a lot of value from this like what we talked about with lying. I think that's such a unique. The thing that no one thinks about nobody wants my lane. Yeah no one. No one's done with their lives like you know no one lane right. Unless you've done it you don't I want to talk about yeah right and even. Aa doesn't want to talk about. No one who wants DOC I love it. I love the concept. Okay so you guys can go follow along with Lauren. Get any for courses. If you're interested our instagram account for our podcast. At what we said podcast. If you guys don't pull her instagram what are you doing get Outta Thais so well Also if you're feeling really generous you can go leave us a rating and review. Just if you're feeling nice But that is going to be it for this episode. Thank you guys for listening. And that's what we said bye bye..

Lauren Zander instagram Li Pat Honey US depression Aa Yukari Jenner facetime
"lauren zander" Discussed on Velvet's Edge

Velvet's Edge

04:39 min | 1 year ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Velvet's Edge

"Okay wait so that again and knows I needed again. Tell me again halo into ten. Yes go is yellow one to ten. I wet my marriage and my sex life is an eight I you can go well. Let's just keep doing the same thing over and over again. I love any rights right or in my method I will say when you've been at an eight you should call an eight a one. Okay so you want to start over and keep growing yes I think you we. I think humans humans came in with a bunch of problems and we're here to evolve our problem and that's the fun of being and so the more you you game the system the more you want. It's not I don't need more money. I make a nice living I vary. I not about the cars but it's about my dreaming and at pushing the envelope and having a vision right so whatever like you should every human should be having that much fun being alive. WE'RE GONNA be dead a lot longer than we're going to be alive rights right and so we get however long we get on earth and like really folks. It's smells good. It tastes good. You know there's so much to do on earth that you will never get to. Are you living and that like are you living your dreams and your beliefs of what's possible. Yeah and that's and so. When are you done with that when you're not here anymore? Yeah I'm pretty aggressive about I love. I love that because it to me all I keep hearing and what I read in the book and what my experience was doing the activities was just not that my life. If isn't good now but my life can be so much more full and I just realized that and I didn't even I wasn't fully aware of it you know Yeah but once you write it down and it's not it wasn't even a bad thing. It was a very like oh moment for me which to me is exciting like you said. I think it's super exciting. Yes yeah it's IT'S I. It's really for a type of wants to and it really works against depression and it works against you know. I had a client yesterday. Say that she very successful woman. Pray like embarrassingly successful woman. Yeah Yeah and then. What's he thanked me for is ever? Since she took over in dialogue get really unlike started doing this work. She hasn't been depressed ever again like it disappeared because she took over the narrative of everything that was depressing right like she got. Even depression was her own choice. Choice choice like anybody would sign up for it but like there was a way you can take over Utah Dialogue and really evolved past anything. Yeah well the book is called. Maybe it's you a highly recommended. It's been a very good experience for me Lauren. Where can people find you? Are you on social media media I am we are we are we are my Lord right you everywhere we are. I've we in twenty years later. We have a lot of contents out there. So the handle handout grew you know once you hit handout group you can get it. We have free. We have like we are given it away. UK Grain we we edit and our main program which is like a community we have group calls like you pay one fee? And you're in for tonight. It's called inner you and I and it's twelve sessions. Twenty five minutes each of teaching the whole method and the homework on there. And there's a you can get a buddy and meet people and there's classrooms that are all on zoom and I go on. They're like we're all like and we built a world for community across the world and and that's the book but on steroids. You mentioned that in the book because once yes you write out your dreams and Figure them out. You tell people that you want you want them to go read them to someone like a trusted person and that is so how important I believe so that it gets establishing that community. That's an awesome tool. I just wish people understood how much more fun licensed together. Yeah yeah like an an every I have never read their. It's very people that think they have enough great.

depression UK Lauren Utah
"lauren zander" Discussed on Velvet's Edge

Velvet's Edge

12:42 min | 1 year ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Velvet's Edge

"Scared of everything 'cause it's GonNa get eaten by anyone rights right like the world is a bunch of predators gonna eat the chicken right. You got that and so the way we interact with the world at large is where chickens. I mean we're little were were F- like everything about us as scared of not getting what we want. What's GonNa Happen here? What am I yelled at me? What if she takes away the car? What if she so we we become liars to keep everybody else? Happy and we lose the voice of our troops l.. We don't even care about it. We're developing being the voice of the chicken so that we can get ahead and bad fear and strategizing you like you the amount people strategize and never even have great sex with her own husband because they don't want to hurt their or feelings or tell the truth about has it right. It's like you know and then we're so offer to find our own voice about what we liked like. We can't even have five sentences for our own. You know body parts right we'll be full. Might not even know again. There's no dream there's no talking about it can bay. It's chicken lot so a lot of the chicken voice. Is The people pleaser voice that we know about now it's people pleaser and it also uses your past. It uses past precedents like well. You got in trouble that time so it it feels a case. Okay right yeah and it it you know there are joke. Is that you know. It's a bunch of squatters waters. That like no what they know. And so therefore you can never have restricted their father and he's never asked that from your husband and so you have to sneak in and and you come up with all these other strategies because fundamentally you're a chicken and you believe that the other person's more important than you or you don't WanNa lose their love like there's some way you put together your boss or someone on a pedestal and your Lestat and then this is like the only way you can figure out how to not get. Did you cut out. Lauren are you say that. Say That last part. Cut Out this part about you is your boss. Had fees figure out how to get and it cut out so what happens is as we become strategists and use the voice of the chicken chicken to come up with like how to get what we want given what we believe we have there been a yell at us. They're never going to give us that day off. They don't care a ballot. You know getting credit about that so you won't say hey. I really want you to notice right like I won't even have knowledge rights right because because it so we have all these strategies of how do we get what we want. Given the way we see the world. which is there's big bad wolves everywhere gonNA eat us? Wow and then we have a brat too which is kind of like our teenage self. Almost well I am. You can imagine even just for my tone that I am. I leave way more on the bright side. Okay tell us all right. I'll do you tomorrow. I'll go to bed when I want. I'd rather starve than exercise and eat right. All I won't apologize is right. It's your fall it. I could be mean right because you hurt my feeling like I'll even tell you the truth truth without setting it up with you like very bratty immature impetuous like a like entitled right because you know like like really quite creepy Li like a like a little baby bitch right but you know I told the truth right right so you could. You could have both though it's not like you're like a chicken or a Brat it's like different wall Wentz where we can be. Both we are both. Yeah both any any time. You don't have what you really want. Whether it's the body the money the job the marriage the relationship with your kids. It's basically typically a dance between the chicken and the Brat an and today's basic behavior right like what did you do today. Well I I really wanted my kid to come with me so I took away her phone and said get my car out that work. She didn't talk to me the whole time. And then I got really pissed and then I said she couldn't go out right. Wow and what was this. All for Rhode Island better relationship right and it's all her fault right so there you know what I mean. So it's like and then blame it on teenagers so if you were coaching that person you told the story about what would you. What would be a better response or away for that person to get what they wanted and have a better relationship You would you. Would you would really share with your kid. What you're sad? Bow what you're missing. What you yearn for what you hope for four and then ask them what they yearn for hope for and then try and go? Why is it this way? What do you think it is this way? What could we do? Did you would negotiate with that. Well you never let me you don't this you don't trust me you don't like your this disciplinarian that's a jerk. I don't WanNa give you love because and I don't WanNa play with you unless I need clothing right likes. You're no fun mom right and so what could we do. That would be fun. And how could I make you happy. And how could like. How can we negotiate right? Well you know and then you start associating and you're starting to develop that relationship but you don't do it like you get in the car so forcefully contriving well like you're the parent you know because I said so right. Isn't it so interesting because I'm listening to you. Say that an isn't it so interesting to think about how how many things or relationships and our live that. Maybe the US relationships I think this is an easy example but like you probably have the same end goal but because of our sometimes inability to communicate or be open or be honest or to know our dreams remes it can fall apart completely like you. Just don't get what you want once you think you know something like I know he'll never love me the way I want. That's like one. Plus one is two any belief you have theory. You have about your husband about yourself about your career. Once you've locked it. Yeah believe that thing. Yeah no matter how much you wish it was different different. That's like painting a glass. It's still a glass no matter where it is right so the fundamental thing that I teach in the method and and I get people to go after and really see for themselves through the process is the negative beliefs. That are age old in you that unless as you change your mind and Change Your own theory and cure your theory you are going to be cruising that theory. It's the nature of the beast. One hundred percent. I agree with that I call them the stories in my head or the stories. But it's like if you decide something about someone which usually for me is based on a fear. I have like it would be a fear if they this was in fact true but if I decide it every single thing they do I I will somehow be a see. I knew it. You know. I'll use that as proof to prove whatever that's theory is ahead or that story so in Quantum quantum physics. They did a study where they shot. Like a photon out of a laser and they created created a test of like this thin little slit and they shot the Photon to see if the photon would go through the slit. And guess what it went through the slips life and then they set up the tests that they'd have to slits and they shop. The one Photon to see if the particle would split guess. What the particle split amazing? It does exactly what we think is GONNA do. Now Watch for the Kicker K ready so the control test was they had the two slits they shot the photon but they watched it on a camera. They weren't watching it in the room. Got Me like the human was not watching. Okay and the photon did not not just split into two. It's split into thousands. Oh my gosh okay. And then what they figured out. Is that a human's focus is causing the way things move so if you believe your husband's a jerk you're making him what that doesn't mean that all of it if there's you know what I mean but there's a way to which we leave something at it proves itself if you're looking for the jerk on the road you're gonNA find them looking for how your kid is in GonNa honor you. You're gonNA find him what we look for. reprove out yes I then go ahead so then the genius would be figure out what you're proving that pay. I don't WanNa prove yeah and then figure out what you wish you would prove the dreams Catcher in a dialogue and take over the Fokker and that's pretty much what this book teaches you to do that was to me. That was a really good summary of this whole experience. Yes it's really you know twenty years later of of practicing this on on humans. Yeah gene humans. Human better it's it's it's so much more fun to be alive when you believe you have that kind of leverage power. I mean it. Isn't it true I've had days where my life looked. Exactly exactly the same like could have two different days but my life looks exactly the same situations are the same they. The relationships are the same. Nothing has changed changed except my attitude. Or you know the way I'm thinking about things and I can feel two completely different ways about the same exact act scenarios. Yes exactly right. That's exactly the point so you didn't create your you don't know you could take over the like it's all automated Machi in right right birthdays like I can take over the control. I can find the control control. Dial right right just like you know you can take over like you could hold your p and then p right like like the like ladies and gentlemen let's take takeover our minds. It seems to be the wild west of the new frontier of being Trudeau ourselves. And having what we want yes so fit in goal though. Because it's not like you just do this book one time or you may ride down your dreams. One time right and you're just life is perfect so is is this a constantly evolving state for us. It's even worse than that the minute I also teach like steak so it's all states of being if you would go. Your body is a three right on a scale of one to ten. Here's how you think about your body what you say to yourself. There's the memories you use against your pass if you're in a state of three the three is pervasive so when you dream and then change your promise like event like your vision and then you realize in that vision you have to have very different you know promises about the eating and exercising and Blah Blah Blah Blah..

Photon US Rhode Island Lestat Lauren wall Wentz Machi Trudeau
"lauren zander" Discussed on Velvet's Edge

Velvet's Edge

14:45 min | 1 year ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Velvet's Edge

"But if I said you know do you have kids. Do you want your kids to have their dreams. You want them to get prolific dreaming or do you want put them to tell you why the world doesn't accept. Wow Yeah it's like it's so sad at it so the opposite of who were meant to be. It's so true about the F. mmediately because there's twelve different areas of your life when you talk about dreaming which ourselves body loves spirituality career money time home family friends fun adventure community contribution and and I read that list and I thought it just seems so daunting it was like I'm supposed to write a dream. All of these things like that that in and of itself so a little exhausting to me. You're right. That was my immediate response. I know but then I also read it and I thought yeah I can't. I cannot tell you what my dreams are and a lot of those areas at this point so obviously I need to do this. Yes and then what happens. Here's the beauty of doing okay. I know no one has to believe me but it's I swear true When you write your dreams and you connect to them spiritually emotionally and physically like okay? Like I'm sitting down in writing this. I'm looking for it. I'm following these instructions. I'm taking the time to really ask myself how to fulfill on my life's mission like what's that's my life's mission. Yeah right What no one expects? Is that when your head says you're exhausted. Did you feel exhausted when your head says I WanNa make twice as much money next year Kravitz moves to write like the world doesn't work the way we literally think it does like hammer unveil. It won't stick to the wall right. No the inner dialogue is always going to sleep. It's conjuring it's talking to itself when it's singing a song it's like A. We are so much more discourage role than we've ever known right and we don't have any access to it. We don't tap in we don't have language for it right and religion has done such a fuck up number nothing personal anyone who loves it and it's working for them with. There's there's Chris way it does it. God is outside of you prayed and get on your knees people versus that that it's inside of you. Write your spirituality your soul your love of yourself your aspirations your mission if you talk to it. It can't rule you write more people out astrology than they ask themselves. What's most important to that? I'm probably guilty of that. I didn't say I can't say don't pray. You know what I mean. Yeah coming true true. We don't have language for him. Don't force ourselves to have language inside of our flight we don't take over our inner DILAA and that we don't even hear the one that's in there and that if I literally could get you to hear the one that's in there I get you to take it over and really start to get that that is most critical place to create your life from when you say to yourself how you talk to yourself and no one understands understand that it's so relative in their right. If you decide your husband's hot you'll sleep with him tonight. Husband should have done X Y and Z. Six six months ago you're allowed to deprive him of sect and then you never wonder about your own sexuality assists all right that was really interesting and there's a lot about relationships and ships in this book and so I've seen this in my own life. I see this in my friends. Live but where you're unhappy situation yet. You are just holding owning onto the bad as the reasons why you're doing everything you're doing and you're not actually doing anything to change the nature of the relationship. Yeah and then you don't also come. I'm clean 'cause you already decided. They can't handle true right every every everyone think. Oh you know what's his face. Jack Nicholson and that new. We are Razi with what we believe. That has never hit the light of day. Yeah so you say in the book uh-huh Maybe the That you have some good news and some bad news for people and it's the part about that. Maybe it's you you know the the May be part is is just an outright lie like Hugh. It's judge you talk about that. It was always a joke. I made like originally from like. Why don't I feel loan right back in the day? Why noisy like I don't trust anyone right like why like? Oh I'm not trustworthy. Were they right like why. Don't I feel love. I don't really love anyone because I won't tell them the truth. Like Oh shit maybe. It's new ooh yeah right like and then when and then I say that I about everything I still need that tagline. Everyone be clear who. This isn't going away I one two and instead of going. It's my husband's fault. It's my kids right. I'm like maybe it's me and then you rip the maybe off like the fan base and then you go. It's me I can do something about like. What do I need to do about it? Like what do I like a good cry. I need to figure out what my dream this year I. I need to share my dream with my sixteen year. Old Daughter right like Oh shit right like nothing's fixed nothing is the way my head says it is so. That's that's why it's good news though because it's that you actually have things that you can do about your unhappiness. That is the whole like there is nothing fixed just about where I helped you know. I just You know I helped a very famous guy. I lose a hundred pounds. Wow but he like you know. And he's he's turning fifty he's never lost recommend right and he just lost one hundred pounds and he has a girl like the dream also so critical because it then gives you the what for her changing your behavior right the motivator it like and if you're not motivated to lose the weight and if you're not motivated to it's like you want like everyone wants millions of dollars no one would raise their hands but no one wants to the word right it isn't. There isn't a chicken the world that doesn't WanNa be some size you know sexier and cuter that jumps into jeans and likes to be taking we all raise our heads at that right right and then if you don't have a dream about what it is to be healthy not a vital at sexy and free. You will not do the work you will not learn to love you know spin class right like those people that are in in there have a vision for their whole life right and so some people are born with it. I certainly wasn't yeah right and so you can vote but we all have the ability and it's so we were saying earlier you know that everyone's Kinda got their shed or you've I've had your relationships like I know immediately for me when I was reading some of these James I was like right like what if you're in a relationship with an asshole or what if your parents were abusive abusive and you're not saying like Oh that's okay or oh you have no reason to be upset like it's not taking responsibility for those people's behaviors is but you're just saying to take your power back. Well you know I cropped really think that you're fat like the only thing that was you know I'll call it God given was you know what you look like your your family like your mom dad siblings you know the culture you were born into right and all of those characteristics so I do believe I believe that lineage which is the history of all of our history that we were born into that one of the most powerful shifts I I ever made is stop feeling like like who asks for the ship but like oh I asked for it like these. This is like this is my. This is what I came in here for. I came here to work on my family. My lineage. My Body my love right like so I actually believe we chose those things even though we don't remember being invited to a party because that makes sense and your gifts rain rain end but also in there is your your greatest mission fulfilling on your life. Why are you here yes? So there's like two movies that I think summit up if anybody wants to get a good laugh like two movies that mimic it. One is defending your life. It's ethically it's like goofy from the eighties. Edits Albert Brooks but pretty narrow street position in it and You know like it's a historic it's hysterical and it's a must see to get a good laugh at a perspective of of what happens after you die right okay and then the other one. That pretty much sums it up. Is Brown pocket. Wait say that again. The two movies that basically sum up like the joke of being alive are groundhog a groundhog day. Yes defending your life. Oh man whose groundhog day is. Just repeating the same thing over and over and over until you get the joke and that you'd rather you're live your best day no matter what. Yeah and feel epic regardless of it's GonNa get you nowhere except experience of the and and then the day he did care ever again that he was just going to get up and do it again like he stopped resisting same as it ever was like talking heads. Hi the date he got. That was the day it was never the same day again so it was like a catch. Twenty two beautifully done and and so i. I really really love that movie because it captures the bad joke of groundhog day in your life in my life and then defending your life is ethically thickly like you gotTa Watch it and sorry. It's a you know it's really it really nails the afterlife and it really makes fun of humans It makes fun of our level food like it has so many jokes in it that it changed my life okay. I'm definitely watch this one. You sell it like you'll get you'll get that like. Oh that's a really good way to walk on earth right. It's not not that I believe you know if you go lauren. What you bet your children's life on your spiritual notions I would say no and you will they? Why do you talk about them and have them on like because it makes life so much more President and enjoyable. Yeah and deep and so then you know I make people really you have no idea. How many people right off spirituality? Because you you know. They don't believe in religion or they are stuck in you know because they're gay because of it like they like like they're they're outcasted there. It's like so boxed in or or the Catholic priests are like everyone has like this like all bad and all of that doesn't let a person connect to their own definition of spirituality. In what is it for you and I don't think anyone like we all want to invent what it is to be a mother what it is to have money what it is to be a sister or a brother what it is to. It'd be a Fred what it is to care about your community like we're we're missing the opportunity to invent for ourselves like what life is for. We just got an I mean. Well I'm just hearing so much of you sang a of just living period. Like we have all these voices in our head or whatever you WANNA call them but we're not actually living and realizing are true like fulfilling lives let alone realizing you can take over your inner dialogue exactly well. Let's talk about that a little bit because you kind of touched on the weather stuff earlier but yeah this was. This was a kind of a while moment for me too because I think that I know somewhere internally that I let fear drive a lot of what I do but reading about what you call the chicken voice I was like Oh my God that is so. It's that it is so for me to talk about what chicken voices. Okay so there. Are you know the voice of the chicken is the voice of you. Don't say that don't Miss Hand. Why did you get it wrong? Don't tell them why you were really tell them this you know. Don't tell your friend you didn't invite because you're mad at her like if the voice of the chicken is a is always strategizing had a not get get in trouble had not upset anyone how to not hurt people's feelings how to get ahead by not. Aw telling the truth like literally glorifies hide your voice in the name of keeping other people happy I think in the book you go. The chicken is just a pussy which made me laugh out loud. It's it really is like if you watch a chicken. Should it'd be scared of everything 'cause it's GonNa get eaten by anyone rights right like the world is a bunch of predators gonna eat.

F. mmediately Razi Jack Nicholson Kravitz Albert Brooks Hugh Miss Hand James Fred
"lauren zander" Discussed on Velvet's Edge

Velvet's Edge

09:29 min | 1 year ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Velvet's Edge

"Is like a cleansing good thing versus bullshit. Oh Shit like feeling bad as Ole ship like if you're going to watch Netflix. Till two in the morning have fun right. Do you understand instead of beating beating yourself up over everything like literally. You're eating the bag of chips while you're watching till two in the morning and then you feel like shit about yourself and as if that's going to inspire you not to do it the next right so we learned to loathe ourselves for the actions were taking that we don't respect and if that loathing did anything but get another bag of chips the next night it really just sucked and then you make series about yourself that you know my mother was never but at it. I'll never be good at it right so then we have these theories that I call weather weather reports like we weather report ourselves except we don't believe in ourselves to. It's really one day at a time and nothing's trip nothing's true about any of us not take what you did yesterday doesn't mean anything about today now. It really is predictable. If you're still they're saying the same thing in that head of yours that you'll do the exact same way yesterday yes. They're science that backs that up. But if I could get my hands on you you have the ability to making. They can keep promises to yourself right with. You know with a consequence I need if I need a consequence you need a cop right and consequences are are what I'd say is using the darker light right night when I wanted to Meditate twice a day right it was very simple. Here's how I nature. I meditate twice a day for my eye elevated ten minutes. I didn't do a twenty right but what I did was I said no coffee till I meditated and no screen time till I meditate it. Do you have any idea how easy it was to do. my meditation right up easy. You wanted the coffee Offi and you wanted to screen Tom. Yes so then. What did meditating become a habit of? I met yeah I mean I do something else now I really manifested. I do some something different but I love meditation. I believe about attention. I meditated for five years straight. Like I have done that but I now I do. Are I make art instead. Ray I do something different now but I love it. But it's like a meditation process from God. But yes when I you know oh Emily Fletcher is a very good friend of mine. Teacher that I love and I promised I brought her into my company to teach meditation to everybody and do Saturday and then we all took it on for six weeks straight and so then I was in on for six weeks straight. So it's like you know I love flavors of lots of flavors of people's ability to teach great ship. So can we talk about how you teach people how to learn how to dream though because that is a part of this whole process and what you were just talking about you know like you do have to reward yourself and I want to get into the weather report stuff that you talk about later but but but I do you see a consistent theme among your clients or people who read this book on why we have a a hard time even knowing what are dreams are yes what is a few good There's a few good answers. Okay okay the for the first is it is really sad so everybody you know. Hold your breath by second. Okay everybody you here. We go According to Science Ryan's I could tell you the study. But according to science human beings over eighty percent of our thoughts are negative. Wow Eighty percents. It's over eight rate. It gets worse. That's not even the worst part ready for the worst part I guess repeating from the day before. So just that's what you were actually just talking about so like you know like the person who has road rage and right and drives down and gets pissed at everybody drive. Everybody's driving I think. Yes you do they do it every time they're driving right and every time you go into the frigerator and you're like you know I should eat that apple. Look it's my kids rights. Putting rate I deserve that. Today was hard right like how many days right so we are logic. We don't witness kness are logic and are negative thoughts about ourselves or what's happening are repeating improving themselves every day. We were just along for the ride. So because we're we're not engaged in taking over our inner dialogue. We don't hear how dismal it is. You understand yes still. We don't even. We're not realizing we're doing any of that stuff. No we really clearly subconscious. It's it's it's a conscious and it validates itself right. It isn't that you aren't going to work and being a great nice person like there's many things about each of us that is naturally positive and just like it takes nothing for you to be nice. I'm fat every starbucks for like anywhere you go. No one can make you stop at and it's natural for you right. There's also dark shit that you can't like deposited doesn't stop either. It's just don't have enough of what we want that really positive right. And so the greatest interrupted all of this is to ask a person to have a vision for not just the three areas of life. Everybody focuses on. What are the threat? Is everyone focuses on your relationship. Your love life her her career bring in money and your health. If it's you know and then your children and then maybe the Euro Pam like like fun and adventure learning branding like really making money really having the career of your dreams like no one's really. Everyone thinks they're like well because my dad was this guy. Hi and I right. We all have all our lodge for why we can't have ethic dreams and so the ask ask a person to start to dream like I have never Read Dream I eat. No matter how successful person is that doesn't come with all their fears riddled in there like that. My husband and I Get good at having difficult congress. Yeah you know like that sounds positive but can you hear what the woman really free right. I thought that was so interesting. Because in the book you give Throughout the booker giving examples of a couple of your clients experience area which was super helpful to me because I could see myself in so many of the things that they did and I just wasn't aware like you said I just wasn't aware of the voices in my my head and so much of What their first dreams would be? Were very much just like yes. Riddled and fear. Fear or Kind of putting the blame on someone else. Earn just making the excuse and kind of like I hope maybe you know I could get this or you know something like that which I thought was so fascinating. Yes we are if I said. Tell me all the reasons. You can't have have your dream you could write for dome. Could write a full novel about it right. Yes tell you to write all the reasons you can have your dream who you will find a pity Pity Party starts to form. Do you WanNa know what my first reaction was is. I've never been good at dreaming. I thought and then I read that that was like pretty common uh-huh and I thought I thought to myself because I know I know certain people Who from a young age have been like? I know that I want to do this with my life life and I've never felt that way like I've had certain things I like more than others but yes I immediately responded with. I don't know my dreams are are because you know I I completely downplayed any sort of success. I've had as maybe I just lucked into it or something. Yes it's it's one of the most convenient lenient ways to never have to know yourself deeply. What do you mean so? You're sure I want you to know if you if you got stuck with me for a little while and I read your haunting and I read your parents rates and then I registered. You're right like when you do the first exercise exercise your right the whole first thing. What you will find is the way you track yourself into your lower south at dozen believe the higher self king to do like it's a battle between dark and light higher self lower South Yin Yang and in your lower south? You can here your higher self stream but we never sit down and study ourselves like what could be more cool than to fall in love with our issues and our dreams right right but you know how much time have you spent writing your dreams learning how to really understand yourself like we have zero. Yeah right and if I even asked you to spend a day on it it would like seeming exhausting tail right.

Netflix South Yin Yang starbucks Emily Fletcher Tom Ray kness Ryan apple booker
"lauren zander" Discussed on Velvet's Edge

Velvet's Edge

13:26 min | 1 year ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Velvet's Edge

"Can't believe the reason. Some of the thing that I want aren't happening in my life is totally my own fault or the ass and fault is not a dirty word yes more like the like. Hey I actually have used that. It's like a fault line like the fall in the world like that atomic weights me right. Like there's there's fall. Aw Yes that's true. You were raised poor or your father lapped. There's faults but that's not a reason okay. That's that's like no that's where you have to know your cavity so that you can evolve from there because everyone has shit right like we've all gone list of or how our experiences that make us react in certain ways but the whole point of this book for what. I'm I'm what I took away from it was you can still create the life you want. You got to start with the dark to create the light not okay right and I really don't think dark dark with nighttime right like that's not bad. It's just dark mark right so there's a way we don't like to talk about the way rely the way we you know fired someone the way we yell the what you might having shit. Yeah and so then that forces us to lie and Blaine Right Blaine away. The like you made me right. If it wasn't for you I went up. Yeah right and so. That is the source of why we lose Dr Cower because we don't own our dark side so you've created this whole method. It's called the handle method. And you first first of all. I mean you're basing this off of your own experience in life right like it's like you're just looking at everyone else saying. Oh well this is. What's wrong with you guys? Let me let me help you. Yeah it was I was my first Guinea pig. What hap- I really was? I you know I. I was such an hassle. Wow so I cheated my way through all of high school like actually cheated so so yes literally cheated in pay WanNa know how I cheated. I was raised Orthodox Jew which means yeah I knew Hebrew and if you understand Hebrew it's the alphabet in a different like letters right like it's the B. is a bit right. It used to be able to write out all my answers in phonetic Hebrew right so even if someone new Hebrew they couldn't figure out what the Hell I and I could lay the sheet out on the floor in front of me and no one would know I ever cheated on every exam. Oh Oh my God. It's pretty easy. I mean. A. For effort you know for snake right and And so you know I and no one knew it right then. Getting clack Tor- when you're Aligarh right made me feel so cold right so that I cheated to talk never mind sheet everywhere in school. I also cheated on every boyfriend. I had okay like I was like what you didn't know never hurt you of las okay right and so I and no one ever caught me right. I was funny. I was adorable. I was like no one's even know unless I width back and told everybody all my criminal behavior. They never would have guessed it so I was a snake right that in a snake. You at least know it's coming right right and so and then my big transformation was when I figured out that I didn't like I didn't feel up up When I said I love you I did feel it or mean it in a way that you're supposed to write so here with this bad ass captain of the team? It was this persona. That was faker. faulk ed. I realized it was all my fault. That was the original maybe. Let's make his you letting yourself go there because you weren't letting people in like what was your first kind of realization. Would it come or would it look like I couldn't feel I wasn't happy. Yeah like I had the boyfriend I had the school I have like. I had all the things it was like but on the inside I was allying cold manipulator ultimately right and and I didn't really love my best friend. I'd I didn't like I didn't feel or my ideals were a farce but no one knew it except me and I had at a very spiritual experience Because I went to Israel by myself and traveled Europe by myself by myself. My right knee. My five five cassette tapes my backpack and just literally went out into the world state on Kibbutz for six weeks and Cook Vegetarian Food for three hundred if they people but there was. No one really could speak English so I was like a loan for the first time in my life and I had really you get a magical experiences right that that made me like break. Free of what an ass hole I was and and I literally. I don't recommend this to anybody but I came home until the truth to everyone. Every boyfriend every friend every lie I was holding for other people. We'll I told the truth about school. I told everyone who would listen. I sat my parent- my Orthodox Jewish parents down and told him how many people I had sex within their bed. Ah My God like I blew up you into the opposite extreme. I literally blew up who everyone thought I was so I could feel we'll alive again and be present and which is and eat crow and and be true to myself for the first time in my life so thus began a journey into creating. Now once you blew up who you were you were like will now have to relearn how to live. Yes yeah I had been it. Actually you know I had to make new friends. Yeah so completely. Starting over I really started over like I started. Were like I had like you know and every one of those people that I apologize to. You know I you know at least facebook Brunswick now right so like I I like really cried and really explained like I like did a native man right go through it until you know I was free and an old like so I can say exactly what I'm saying right right now in a way that people would truly also WanNa come clean maybe right and really start to understand that the source of of darkness in humans is the ability to lie for others. But really pretend you're doing it to keep your mom happy 'cause you know like we start to keep secrets. We believe elite and it locks us into our personality though it was my live that had me not me who are lies and that like revelation blew to my self into a way more present human being and then I started meditating and then I then I could like the open to everything he so as as you're going through that in your own your own process what were you. What were you learning that you were like? I have to go tell other people people about this and like you had you felt like you needed to start teaching other people about what you're learning. That didn't happen until I change so so I was an environmental studies major. I really was like early late. Eighties I was. You know you people are killing my Goddamn flat I like I like Oh my God right like you know so I was like I was not very good at science but I was devoted to save the planet and save the Water and the seals and save everything right and then I it was like the war like I hated. Did the work. Yeah but I thought that that was what work was and And then I realized that the wait felt was so wrong this camping my fulfillment right. I can't hate my career because it's right right one has to do it right. And then what I realized when I was twenty two And now I'm turning fifty When I was twenty two I realized that I was saved the trees killed people and then I had the revelation? Oh people don't see the tree right. It's not the tree the trees these are going to be fine right that humans are GonNa make it right and then I really had the biggest cry of my life and remember it and I really apologize. My parents were studying the wrong thing and I became like I decided I was headed for south health right like I. I wasn't going to go back to school. Because that's not my forte. But I was GONNA go to. Wherever people were doing south? This was at twenty two. Yeah Wow I left a great job at the United Nations that I thought was my dream and it was really a nightmare and I told the truth about that. quit that and got my for stopping southbound. Wow and then my joke was. I ran away from that car. I ran away from that company screaming eventually but thank God I stay. There are and learnt everything. I've learnt there because it helps me figure out what I would do. That was basically the opposite of that. Okay yeah so the handle method you you say in. Your book is a step by step. Coaching process that addresses one's entire life teaches people how to dream to realize every last one of their dreams and learn how to clean out their closets both literal and figurative so that they can have the lives that they are wildly proud of. Yeah so you've put this now into this book. Why does this method work? What's been your experience? What does this work because I first of all? I'm in love with human being. I think we're ethically can change at like it. We're we're at What we don't have have language or cross S.'s? That help us be true to yourself right there like my you know. We're so busy teaching our kids Algebra Math Christopher Columbus like read every book that was read before you like the the way we teach grow up as a human has vero being education. Oh my God I so agree with that right and and you know people don't even know how to pick their mother. People don't notify sex people don't know how to figure out their own value. Yes I'm so. The entire a message is a construct to get you to answer all the questions of your higher self and conquer your lower south off your lower self says get back rollover. Don't vote for a rat. Don't tell them to touch you there. don't tell your boss says don't do that. You'll get Mike so fear rules society. You could say ned freedom and free flags and go be true to yourself. is not taught And so I have been pioneering how to get a human to to develop their own language on on what they want on who they are on what what works about you. What doesn't work out? You like it when you say it yourself and you know yourself that's the the act of loving yourself right. I can teach courage and I can teach promises and I can teach then I can teach you what I know. That makes six all of us. Great and it's not about well I mean it's not about Al beating yourself up. It's like what you said about. Just getting honest with yourself I teach people to have an ethics sense of humor about being you. What do you mean If no no one everyone feel like one of the things I teach. Is that speak. We think feeling bad. When you don't do something you said you would do is like a way like that?.

Blaine Dr Cower United Nations Israel facebook Brunswick Europe Aligarh Guinea faulk Al Wan Mike vero Christopher Columbus
"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

03:56 min | 2 years ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

"Makes magic app. What what does that process? Look like when you say, let yourself dream, do do you think people have a natural governor where they're not is it is it the fear or is it just don't the exercise. What is it? The stops. People. From my joke is we have PHD's in fear. I can't I won't you shine. What are you doing? Oh my God. Don't what if right? We're PHD in fear. And so again language and learning to make yourself use language in because every word is your imagination. Right. I want. I don't care if you wanna boat, I wanna car I want my kids to I don't want their kids to be thanks. Let your kids be themselves place. But nonetheless, you want things for yourself, and that's language. And then so yes, I do think people aren't sitting down and writing their dreams and then making the right promises if you haven't done that every year. What's happening, right. Then you're not doing that. Right. It's like not having a business plan every year for your business. That would be very dumb. Right. I didn't. That's the only way, you know, if you're failing. I really do think life is about fulfilling on whatever matters the most to you and figuring out what that is. And then if you don't like it throw it out into another one like who cares? Right. I don't even care if you're right. And if you're not going to change that thing. No, you really do have a drink for breakfast. Right. And you're not then just don't lie about it. Be the guy. Be the like be true to yourself. Don't let the biggest thing. I would like to change on earth. Is how much we lie? That's interesting. Why is that the one thing because we lose ourselves the minute. We like the minute you lie to me. I'm more important than you. You just sold yourself out to get away with something you just stepped down. You didn't stay true to yourself. You just became a fake two-faced to please me. You're not you anymore. And I'm some buddy, you don't even tell the truth to. What's happening on earth? Nobody's being real at all in the moment. Ally happens. Right. It's the fakest world. Like, we are so strange. How fake we're willing to be. And then you're like if you're like, why do people not have great sex lives? Take cannot even tell each other what they lack you have no idea how much I can get a person to finally start telling the truth, and how funny and liberating it is from the type of porn. They liked to what they do. Like people are so interesting on how much they're willing to lie to keep up appearances. Why do you think people are with sex? Why are they why do they have such a hard time telling the truth because they can't accept that? They're goofy. They can't accept that. They like they're ashamed. They're in barris. You're gonna make fun of me, you're going. I don't even know what you're going to say. I don't it hasn't even hit the air. How do you get them over that? Do you actually coach the other person on how to respond? I have the greatest funniest coaching a couple tell on myself if I just tell everything about myself and my marriage. Wjr. Right. And then add a few other couples that are awesome and hysterical. Everyone can tell the truth. I have the name of my sex course, that I teach. I teach it right? It's called awkward. We are. So awkward, and we have no language, and then men and women pretend like they can't handle that. No. They can't handle that. How long have women been lying about our Gazprom's? Anybody never happen to me. Buddy. It's the greatest problem in humanity, in my opinion is our willingness to lie, right..

barris
"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

04:17 min | 2 years ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

"Like there is some purgatory connected to a haunting memory and the way you tell the story of the haunting is not accurate. It's ally in there. That's why it's haunting you that's why I call it a haunting right haunts you. What do people need to change the story? So I go back to go back to I go back to her name was Cheryl, I go back to Cheryl, right? And I find out that I only remembered the last of things she did to me, do you know, she had a list of what I did to her. I didn't remember it. I don't mean. I didn't. I mean, I do remember it. That was the last time I ever got betrayed that way again, ever like my awareness that maybe it's me and how I picked her and how I lied about that like, honestly, right? Not like, try, right? I was so I had to go back to the to the mystery of that story because the his because the lesson kept repeating so lessons repeat till you learn them, obviously if something bad keeps repeating I didn't learn it. So I had to go back to the original source. So I could learn why I was I was the asshole to people don't realize how much we don't treat each other as sacred even the bad things that happen in your lives with them. So all of that matters to me, and the all became a miracle because you were able to process through it figure out what you've done wrong apologize, be apologized to and then have just an open and honest relationship. It just it literally changed my awareness, you go through a bad business deal. You ever make him one of those? Then if you really learn it if you make it again, you then go I didn't see something something's up with me. Maybe it's me. And so when you can get to the maybe it's me part you then have to go back to those haunting 's and discover where you couldn't smell your own poopie. And then once you have the awareness of what's up with me. What do I fall for like, what do I fall for in all these women? Right. I get a Namur d- by people ready that are in Namur d- with me. Right. If you love me, then I'll think like, I don't even realize that you're using me. I'm using. I don't even notice. I'm using you. Right. I'd like there's creepy shit. Like, I didn't even understand it until I went back and discovered it, but it was it was from high school, right? And then it kept happening a bit through my joke about me was one in every seven people just might stab me like, but the other six I keep for life. Pat. And then that was something that once you had the awareness around that issue, which actually seems pretty like nuanced watch. Then you go. Well, does it go any further back in your family lineage, and I'm like, yes? My grandfather was had had major betrayal issues right where he trusted someone completely trusted them and the stories in his life of building his business where the people he remembered that betrayed him. So here, I am building a business. I'm this person. I'm my grandfather's granddaughter. And so it all became clear to me that I ran in my lineage, right? That's the folklore of betrayal has been in the family line. And so then I went back to my original haunting and discovered my fingerprints on the crime scene to and how come I picked her? And then that awareness changed that from happening over and over being one in seven. Right. Those statistics are not my statistics anymore, and how hurt and then and people can come and go like I learned so much in honor of my grandfather doesn't make sense. So that's the gist. So I want to go back to the way that you behavior through promises. So what's something that you're doing now that because I'm assuming you're constantly evolving constantly, aiming new dreams, and using promises and consequences and all that to get all of that. So what's something that you're doing right now? So people can have a really concrete example of how you've steered your life. You've been so successful. How you continue to steer your life with. What is really a nice simple process? Well, I use my method. Right. I never get out of it. And then the other thing I do which is really hysterical that I love is. I invert the scale..

Cheryl Pat
"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

04:28 min | 2 years ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

"For the rest of your life with these people? You got it. Okay. Great break up with him for that. But but he's nice. He loves you. He's taking you to Jamaica. Right. Like what you're such a fraud? Right. If he knew what you thought about his family, or what you really think he wouldn't want to be with you five more minutes. Anyway, Honey, what you what you will find. That is really funny is they agree. Like, if your partner is your real part? Partner. They're like, right. Sorry, if you have to lie to your partner about what you're scared of about them or their family that is not your partner. If he is your partner, he immediately wants to hear everything and and like yells at you. And then you're sorry. Like, you you will learn together, right? David has called me out on things my whole life. But it was because I said the truth. And then I was like, oh, you're right. I should get over that. Right. You learn together through the truth. So going that not changing people. But obviously, you're I think I'm big into people changing themselves. So walk us through that process. How does a couple grow? But make sure that they're growing in a similar direction. You know, if you're in love with the person, you're with right like your job is to stay in love with who you're with. Right. And like, they're not specially they're not changing that much right now if they radically change, right? And then you didn't sign up for that change. You really are going to have problems. I'm I guess I'm dangerous because I don't have a problem with divorce. I think it's okay. People get over each other. So that's maybe crazy for people. My joke with my husband. We made a vow when we got married that if we're not still in love if we don't still want to do each other. If we're not having the best time of our lives. We'll get divorced, right? Like, I was actually your vow. How I believe in divorce because I really believe in love, and I'd rather have loved my whole life. Then pretend I have to be a good person that stays talk to me about your notion of the emotional DNA. So there there've been way too many times I've discovered through doing work with people that they don't just maybe have their parents issues right there, repeating them in really weird ways people's problems in money people's problems in their sex lives in their marriage in their careers. Right. Like why they're an accountant in their miserable right is because their dad was this terrible entrepreneur. But no one remembers he was high too. And that like, right. And they never really studied why they have to be so conservative, right? So people reactions, and then they're like their reactions to their parents of studying your parents history and understanding all of those areas of life, and what you've what you inherited as like personality traits. No like literally epigenetics right like, so if the bunny sees its sister bunny. Get eaten by up air. Not only does it. No bears e you, but it's unborn. Children knows bears. Eat you like it goes like it learns the system learns from the from what it witnesses, and it's parents, so right? And so if you're if you're father is on his fourth marriage, you're like it's year seven and you're wondering why you got that strange inch rights on the line? I say is you don't just have your dad's blue eyes, you have his wandering blue is. Right. And so how do you coach people through that the more, you know, the more? You don't make that mistake awareness is everything and then making rules promises. I have to get that person to know everything. So that they can then make the right promises to themselves. So they don't repeat mistakes because you will be and so you advocate them going in and just knowledge is power thing. And they're interviewing their family to find out. Bringing back everything everything. So after I get a person to do the whole homework. So the twelve areas of life and all what they say about everything between them and having what they want their parent traits and how they live in them and their marriage parents traits and how those live in them and their haunting memories right after I get all of that. You can see all the information. Like, you can see the problems like you can literally call them spiritual..

partner accountant Jamaica fraud David
"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

02:00 min | 2 years ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

"That's so amazing. So now, I'm going to keep going on this red. So let's say they're just getting together. What are some of the ones that really stop people cold and make them really think most people are just embarrassed how much they care about things. They don't want to care about like what like no one wants to the the who barely wants to admit vanity like yes, she needs big tits. Right. Let's hired people to. Amazing. I'm like. Right. They can't even say it out loud. Right. Ready? Green is. I got a thing for green is. I got to think for green eyes. And if you if you see my husband's green is it's like, oh, it was always him. So instead of trusting your vanity what your heart thinks is most important even that head of yours, right? Instead of trusting it, you're embarrassed or shamed. Or won't even speak it up about. That's why you're like, how do you even talk about these things, but we're so gaming our own system rather than being are freaky cells. You need to learn your language. I right. I really did develop this, and it really changes everything. So that was a good one. What what else should people be thinking about for head? Okay. All right, everybody. There really is how intelligent they need to be right. Yes. You really do care about colleges. You really do care about that their parents are are happily married. Yes. I mean, I could not believe ready. Sophal? I was dating someone. I went and met his family. And it was not okay with me. Right. He was great. But his family was so fucking see like my screamed, I am not like, I can't even believe how uncomfortable. This is making me. And then I think I'm such a jerk that I'm so judgmental. Right. And I'm like, what do you mean? I'm like just be your trip. Like, it's okay. You're a judgmental ditch like just trust yourself. Right. You don't wanna do holidays.

Green
"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

02:37 min | 2 years ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

"So is it how much of the the process is like that defining that what you you call the culture how much of it is getting them to understand leveraging promises consequences are they each other's buddy. How does that process? Look. So depending on the dynamic in the relationship, the the biggest thing to the biggest hurdle to get a couple over is that the division of labor is never going to be fair. And that creates a lot of animosity. Yeah. But but the the cute part is when you when you hooked up with them in the first place, it wasn't disguised than either. Like, the original contract is you people are trying to change the original contract, right? Like, so the original contract was he was never that great about making money. He was never that clean. The boy did he make you laugh. And boy did he think you are the best. And then now you want him to clean make money. And so a lot of times that we have to go back and figure out if if if. There's deal breakers. Right. So there everybody made a deal from the gecko everyone needs to own what they wish was true about their relationship and the truth about their relationship. So much of what we're doing is teasing out the twelve areas of life to really get the person to tell the truth and the other person to own I'm never doing this. I am doing this. Right. This is what you need. This is what I need. And then we're we booting the spiritual contract they made in the gecko. And then we're making rules that go with that. So it's very heavy to get a person to understand what's never changing in the original contract. So I would love to get a couple before they end up getting married because if you can get that deal really clear on the get go, then it really Sobers them up to being in love with each other. As is I am not in the fixed like the fixing business of like, let's change together. Like, no this interesting. I literally this where you're going. So. I love it. Love the one you're with. That's so interesting. Okay. So if what happens when they come to you, and they're like, yeah. But that's not what I want now. Yeah divorce. I'm sorry. You have to be in love with the person. They are you can't take away the respect because you want them to be different. That's crime in my book on my line. Terrible line that I really do have is people know exactly why they're going to get divorced while they're walking down the aisle. Wow. There is no accident about that fifty sixty percent. And trust me. I've sat enough at the moment that that woman and that man, no it as they're walking down the aisle..

fifty sixty percent
"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

02:44 min | 2 years ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

"Like there. It's my bosses fault. I don't know how to move ahead. Right. So there's there's a lot of coward chicken. And or or I helped marriages, right? Like, there's a buildup. They never knew how to deal with everything. And they really have to learn how to have very difficult conversations and talk to me about that. How do you teach people to have the hard conversation you make a laundry list? I each go do separate. So so we do a whole method for couples, right? And it really is clean up the whole marriage and make the right promises in the marriage. And also figure out the power struggle rights was what do you mean? Is there always a power struggle? Yeah. So if you go through the twelve areas of life, and you and I have a nickname for the twelve areas when it's in a marriage, which is data's right? And you have to run the data like who's the president? And who's the CEO, for example in my marriage? Just because I make all the money, right? Doesn't mean. I am the CEO of money in my marriage, right? My husband's a brilliant genius with money. So he is that CEO, right. And we have agreements for my shopping for when I like for the kids like be like looks like specific like promises inconsequential. And what happens when you go in on an area and you make agreements. Nothing fight about. There's no upsets there's actually people respected and loved right? And you guys come up with the promises to gather. I'm assuming well you figure out in all the areas. So there's community I'm in charge of community in our social life. Right. He's in charge of what we're doing with the money. He's in charge of the kids. Right. We have three kids. He's. Our spiritual me like like sex life me. Right. So in those areas, I'm in charge of what a healthy, great sex life is he like I like that. I don't like that what you want. What do you want? How we doing? Right. So every year we go over our promises and what we're creating for the year. I don't have an accidental life. I'm not hoping it turns out, right? I don't hope my business turns out. I don't hope anything turns out. I love designing. And then when I fail I can fix it. And I know exactly what failed. Right. So I'm promised junkie. I love that. Let's get in the mess of that a little bit which I think is really interesting. So do you my wife, and I define terms. So our big thing was are certain words means certain things. So if I say the word important that means something for us. If I say the word promise that means something for us a little muddy because you've got a whole big thing on promise. But for us. It just means you guys understand each other. That's rock and roll for. Sure..

CEO president
"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

02:37 min | 2 years ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

"How are you going to be true to that? So integrity is something that you cover really well in the boat. And this is something that I find. Really becomes problematic for people, and they don't have that within themselves. They're not able turn the credibility with themselves because they make a promise they don't keep it right either through clarity or just because they don't keep it and it begins to like really diminish their sense of self. How do you help people actively start building that integrity? So I everyone of my coaches, right? So I have about sixteen ploys and all my coaches work with individuals, even in the high schools, right? We we have promised trackers you have promises, and you have consequences, and you have an accountability. Someone who's holding you accountable, and I'm only taking promises at you're actually dying to keep I don't want your mommy's version of your promises. Okay. So imagine that you've made them and you put in your consequence. Right. And then as long as you're not a liar and hiding it and bullshitting that you kept your promise, you will start to make the change, and it will make you feel great. And then pretty much. Two to three weeks in of keeping your promises. Your life changes. Right. You change states of integrity. Right. So integrity is a verb. It's not a now, you don't have it. You have to show it minute to minute. Right. And then the other thing I say is that confidence is a result. It's a it's a fee like you have confidence in that area in any area of confidence. You have it because you're reliable. That's it you want to know why you don't feel confident in area. Euro-lire you break promises. I've certain of it. You wanna have confidence? Let's make some promises. And let's learn to keep them. And all I have to do is come for your vices. But humans are not that tricky, computer vices. What do you mean? Yeah. No screen time. Yeah. You're going to lose your right? All right. All you have to do the. I'm not that tricky. Right, right. When I wanted to keep so I wanted to meditate twice a day. Right. I was going to take it on for six weeks to see what I thought of it. Okay. No coffee till I may the Tate it in the morning and no screen time at night until I meditated guess who meditated twice a day easy. So what are some common themes and stuff that you see cropping of people where where does the average person struggle fall down? What do they need the most help with body, right? Most people are not that happy with their body not that happy with their sex life and not happy with how much they can't make what they want happen in their career. Right..

three weeks six weeks
"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

04:10 min | 2 years ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

"Every step of the method is literally teaching you how to catch yourself. Right. So they're the three I dial inner dialogues that I make you go after is your chicken like you got chicken, the voice of the chicken. I do unless defined the threes we go. So the chicken the things I'm afraid of total like, I can't tell you. What your you'll you'll be upset with me all forms of? I can't say do that anything that tells me, I can't speak up chicken. Okay brat. I'll do it. Tomorrow. Leave me alone. I shouldn't have to I'm bad at that. I've never been good at that. All the ways people don't do what they should do. And then they blame it on their. I've always been this way. It's all a brat. Right. Brad voice. Right. And moody nece brat. Okay. And then the final one is the weather reporter, we're like, it's always been this way. For me. I've always been this way. I've never been good at that. Like, these generalizations the tell you you will never find love. You will never be able to have that. You can't make that kind of money. You you're a you're a night. Owl. You you can't like people pretend that the things they've been saying about themselves their whole life are the truth. Like this is a chair, and I'm not good at that. How much do you think they're aware that that it isn't true? Like how much of his just become so ingrained either. They learned if not wearing. Okay. So then how do you right on no awareness? That's true. How do they begin to peel that onion? So they have their three voices. Now, they have tools and tactics to look out for them dreams are the most important thing. I things I the only reason to do all this work is because there really is something you want your life. You don't have right now. What I love about your approach there is you talk a lot about clarity. Which is a big obsession of mine. So how do people get clear like give us an example of wind clear is clear enough. Once you have a dream. You make promises. Right. I teach people to put in promises and putting consequences. Right. And so everything that you want is basically in the promise land. Right places. You the promised land like the real promised land. Where are you make promises and keep them to yourself, right? Is one of my longest jokes. I keep having to make. But so and then put in a consequence it so that you make sure you keep that promise. So that you're achieving that dream. So if you're a human you're going to want to break, your promise, right after the minute, you make it. So we are always battling our inner dialogue. But if you have a promise and you put in a consequence, and you really want to keep that promise. All of a sudden you'll start being proud of yourself. It's like what it took for me to start running. What it took for me to build my company. So it's passed the chicken past the brat. Kill the weather reports and live in the promise land, right? So in your a really good job of showing people. Like, okay, this is a level of clarity that won't do. And this is a level of clarity. That will do the examples that you gave of of people that fought they were being clear. But they weren't quite. And then give us an example of win it. It finally nails it. I'll eat healthy all week. Okay. No that I would like really thank you. That's a title. That has nothing to do with reality. Okay. Let's beat. Let's dive in on what that means. That would mean, I will not eat bread. I will eat three meals a day meals will be at what time before one time. I won't eat after what time how much water you drink in. If you wanna have success, right? You have to be crystal clear and the human right? Not that interested in being that clear. Right. So everybody uses like I was at the airport. I couldn't eat healthy. I don't even understand that. I'm like bring your food or rip the bread and cheese off the sandwich and eat the chicken, right like we'd lie. So I make people get that clear about their promises in everything. Even how many times are having sex with their husband. You wanna have a great sex life. What does that mean? Please describe right. How are you going to keep that promise?.

Brad voice reporter
"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

03:13 min | 2 years ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

"That's pretty amazing. Welcome to the you. You won't face. Never heard that before this really interesting. So talk to me about higher self lower self. How do we begin to hear it first of all? And then how do we untangle maybe most? Interestingly how do we differentiate the high in the low? So this is my favorite thing. The way I lay out the homework. Right. It really is a break life out into twelve different areas. And I ask for your vision or dream in each of the twelve because we also hide like everything should be about work or not like don't face this or that. So if I make you dream about every area of your life, and I don't let them overlap you're really having to face a vision about all of life. Right. And then I get you to rate your current life against that dream. And then tell me what you think is between you and fulfilling on that. And pretty much the way you explain yourself the way you talk about that. That is literally ready. That's all your lower self and who just figured that out your higher self because who's listening. Now if you can call a lower self the lower self that's the invention of the higher self. Right. But you have to get yourself out. Right. And I have to make people write it out because we're flush it like we don't want to. We don't. I am you like I am right. I could just start with me. Right. I do the the whole method was so I would stop lying to myself about what I wasn't saying to my dad what I wasn't saying to that guy. What I wasn't saying to myself about what I really thought. So I broke in by having dreams. So then I can hear my bullshit and all of that was separating higher and lower south broken by having dreams, you're saying like, this is what I want versus being asleep in doing some sort of dream to take you go. I want to fit in those jeans. I wanna make that much money. I want to have that kind of love the minute. You say that everything that's in your way is your lower self because you can have anything you want. Why not what else are we here for really I think we came to suffer. I hope not I think that's very fair. So okay. So as people begin to look at this, and they're differentiating too, high self the low self how do you train them to go through that? So one of the things that I found interesting. I'm actually really curious to know what you think about this one of the things I find interesting about people is when they have what all call like petty or insecure, desires or whatever, but they don't judge themselves for it. And because of that, there's no internal battle it. And maybe they're working on. And maybe they want to change it. But they're not they don't diminish their sense of self based on that. So how do you help people process through that? Do you think people should have some sort of goods and bads in their mind? Do this don't do that. When I make everything connected to your dream of yourself. Right. So you have a dream of yourself, which is these visions begins with that Clair's and one of the most important areas of life is your relationship to yourself. And I define your relationship to yourself. I love being with myself. I love being myself. I have fun being made. Right. The minute you go. I have fun being me. You can hear everything. Not that fun about being you anymore. Right. So the whole point is the ability to hear your your inner dialogue based on some standard that you invent for yourself..

Clair
"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

02:08 min | 2 years ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu

"Well, I'm super excited to have you on not the least of which because you Iraq, insincere asleep, the dazzled shoes and federal your hair, I fully respect and actually wanna talk about that. So you said that you kept them in because at first you were a little self conscious about them. I was going to burning man I have a camp burning man. And I got my hair done Fernie, man. And then I had a fiftieth birthday party. That was so fancy like, I didn't even I almost considered cancelling going, which is so not me. Right. So for the first time in my life. I was like fucking self-conscious. And then I walked around the party at I had to explain my feathers. And I said I'd go into burning man. No one knew at burning man laws ever. Right. And so now, I'm explaining Burt like alum Addy like just eat the feathers Lauren like for God's sakes, be the girl with the feathers at the party. And then after I came back from that burn. I was like you deserve these. Feathers like, you keep them in and you wear them till you get over what people think, I didn't even know. I would care what people thought until that seem Yemen should really surprised about having read your book, and knowing how much you push people to be themselves figure out who they are. And I like the notion that you have of cut the crap and be largely because people don't even know who they are trying to be true to some. Yes. Yes. So walk us through like, how do we be true to ourselves and take risks? Like, the feathers seemed like a pretty cool intersection of that moment. So the main thing I study is how your inner dialogue works and most people have never trailed there. Inner dialogue. Meaning it's just like running wild in there. What did you just say to yourself? What did you say about your wife's body? What did you say about your boss? What did you like what are you really say? What do you even say to yourself when you look in the mirror, right? Like, welcome to the you you won't face. Right. And so when you start to get in there, right? You can start to detangle your higher self from your lower self, and no one's really doing that work. And so the whole method that I developed is. So you really figure out what matters most to you in your life. So then you can hear how crazy your inner dialogue is and how much it's fucking with your dreams..

Fernie Iraq Yemen
"lauren zander" Discussed on Elite Man Podcast

Elite Man Podcast

02:00 min | 3 years ago

"lauren zander" Discussed on Elite Man Podcast

"Hey guys you're listening to the most captivating podcast and i tunes that's right the elite men podcast return average men into a elite men every day we know with the very best experts from the lifestyle health fitness social and even entrepreneurial worlds and with their help we give you some of the best advice on the planet subscribe now if you haven't already and enjoy the show henault yeah if you really enjoy it leave us a review on today's episode episode at number one hundred and fifty six entitled how to stop lying to yourself and making excuses and finally create the light you really want i chat with lauren zander lauren's zander is an author a life coach and the creator of the handle method a coaching methodology that's been taught in over thirty five major universities including schools like mit yale and stanford in today's episode lauren talks about taking responsibility for the mistakes and problems you face and life by examining everything that goes into the way you behave on in a daytoday basis she dives into the excuses we come up with the negative self talk we have the lies we make for why things are going our way the conversations we need to have their parents to get over potential issues relating to our childhood and so much more if you're wondering what steps you can take today to stop making excuses take ownership of your life and finally create the life you really want check this episode out now you're going to love it if you haven't checked out the ten extra confidence many course yet i don't even want you to check it out right now i want you to go to the doctor immediately because you have some kind of serious chronic degenerative condition going on there is something seriously wrong with now at all reality go to ten extra confidence dot com right now if you haven't checked out the program and is an incredible confidence program i honestly think the best confidence program on the market whether you want confidence with talking to women socializing with friends making speech negotiating arrays at work or anything else you need confidence in specifically this program is adaptable for all areas in environments and we'll show you exactly what you need.

lauren zander stanford