20 Episode results for "Katherine Katherine"

M&M November - The Girl That Dudes Want to Sleep With But Not Date

Don't Blame Me!

1:04:09 hr | 1 year ago

M&M November - The Girl That Dudes Want to Sleep With But Not Date

"Hello everybody and welcome back back to another episode of. Don't blame me if you are watching. Welcome to the blue couch again. Yeah we're back but not like back-back canals not a brick wall. Now we're in a new office Exciting things nobody tell us that we need to go buy a lineup. neon sign no in legend. When and pay for it? Yeah they're like a lot like thousands of dollars that's that is a lot of money But really excited to be back. I'm excited to like also not be at my house. Yeah you know like I like my house and I'm excited to not be there. Were going to have to be there again. Okay just one time when. What are we going back to my house when we do the special well I mean I'm cool with that yet? I'll be good. Well if you guys are new here. This isn't advice podcast. If you you want to leave a voicemail upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at three one zero six nine four zero seven. Six and international listeners can send us an audio message at Meghan podcast G wealthed DOT COM. We've housekeeping news any other new stuff. No I was just oh aside from Youtube Channel got hacked but who knows in this goes up so this will be a mid November. So Oh my God happy Thanksgiving everybody him. Are you going away for Thanksgiving. Are you staying here Do you have plans. I I mean loose plan. Oh I'm going to hop. No no no. You're so popular. I was GONNA say Montana has literally no plans. We're just going to try and find a restaurant that's open and go get Thai food but you sound like you have lots of plans of people it was just GonNa I was Gonna come to your. I know my friend Katherine Katherine gets. That's you yeah. We'll just beating food and probably still watching love island because it takes so long just going to say I pick has a wonderful thanksgiving. Do they CASSIA. Oh Shit Yeah. I'm writing down. We might have to do that. It's beautiful we. What movies are going to be out? I don't know L. but last year you know what was out creed to really make cream in your coffee I would have died. There's nowhere great because my mom was here so I watched the first one. Oh Yeah we watched it at home. Because she hadn't seen it and I had hat though we're like that's when I fell in love with him was when I saw the first cream and I saw his back muscles and then that came out my mom like like she was like. I don't want to watch this. And then she got really. Yeah you're right now you do you do like Tessa Thompson. Like it's just it's so good so good and so yeah So I pick has a wonderful. I'm here for that. I could also do popcorn for Thanksgiving dinner. That's a fun time okay. Well happy holidays everybody Avenir okay. So do you need to call a dog. I'm good construction. Okay let's get into calls came so I am twenty four years old and New Jersey. Well not really newly a single. But I've been single for maybe six months seven months now and it's been amazing This summer actually I started on my dating Burlington new dates which is not me but it was. It was nice. It felt good. I felt like it gave me confidence and I mean you feel good about myself and it. It also allows me to just explorer which I've never been confident about and then I feel like kind of being free about it like a like made me feel better about it and more competent and now like you know have like dislike high sex drive but it was like two months ago for one on ball and I really like hence us a really nice. We've been talking and like the relationship between US unknown. She said we're dating but I I do not know what that means because he athlete. He's my boyfriend but he's he's never asked me you know. And he is two years younger than me so he just turned twenty two and and obviously and we were. We like have tried to Kinda have sex but like it didn't work out and you experiencing it. Because he was I understand but then all of the okay he's GonNa take office. We I kind of been hinting that like hey like why are we ever you know. Effect or not So basically Kinda hinting having gotten using return earn like actor retried is just like he doesn't WanNa touch me anymore and it's kind of like annoying but we yeah I I don't know what to do because like I told them like. Hey I eat the like you know pressured or satisfied or something like tell me like Coxoni. Basically quickly he just says you scared you feel that he's GonNa be good enough and now I'm thinking like if he's a version or not because I like you know if I was like his first first person or not and I kinda like do I wait like give some time I do not know what do I do you know like. I'm trying to be patient. I really the am but it's just like he won't talk about either. Thank you bye only oily. I JUST WANNA say my in instinct like visual reaction. If you're watching you know like adderall has nothing to do with. I also recognize now. I don't have to pay us. So maybe like doesn't affect my penis like don't have flown a little pain. Yeah Pena's so guitar but we did look it up. Yeah Yeah pick it does call can cause either increased sex drive or eating or or like a lower libido I mean I think it's great that you're trying to have have these conversations with him But I think at a certain point if someone doesn't WanNa talk about it like he also doesn't have to but like you don't have to date him like if he's not gonNA talk about it. This isn't just like A. Oh let me sit and wait it out kind of thing. 'cause like if he was actually serious about a relationship with you wanted to like have this be like a an actual go somewhere. I think it would be more of a conversation and also like the idea of like he won't even touch you at all. Yeah Yeah that to me. It's like you're right. He could totally be virgin. Just be like really like insecure especially because he said he doesn't know if it's GonNa be good or not yeah. I think that's what it is. It's probably it's it's probably that or he's just not experienced. Yeah he might not be aversion but he doesn't have that much experience So I think yeah talking in about it you doing your research about how to talk to someone about eighty would help And figuring figuring out what you guys are yeah like do you want to be his girlfriend or is it just because this challenge and like he's just there you know. Yeah Oh my God yeah. There's so much of like. Do I like this person. Because like they're they're they like me or like do I actually. Yeah so like if you actually like him and and you WanNa try to be in a relationship with him then you guys should have that conversation like hey like I wanna be in a relationship with you and then MM If sex is really important to you then you gotta figure it out if you if this is something that you wanna live with. Yeah I mean I would sit him down and have it be like this whole conversation at one time and be like. Hey I really like you I wanna date you like I really like WanNa be relationship with you but like we have to talk about the sexton look we have talked with the communication with that. And like if like if it's like an erectile dysfunction thing like that's fine but like you need to let me in so we can get this out together but if you don't want that and you don't WanNa date me and you just this isn't you want like that's fine but just let me know so I'm not wasting my time. 'cause it's sounds like if you you guys are just friends. No truly sounds like straight up just friends and then also at the same time if he's like a virgin not to like not that year not awesome inaugurate or whatever he he also like. It's you can be a version and then like still be okay being virgin. Maybe he doesn't WanNa like have sex now. Maybe not ready for that or anything like that but you have to have have that conversation otherwise like you might be waiting around for someone who is never going to see you in that way and then you're kind of like waiting for him to get to where you are and he's not going to get there Not Not that. I'm saying. Give him an ultimatum. But I think you are at the two month mark at its yet because I think if you're not having I don't think you need to define a relationship after two months but I think if you're not having sex like that's a mind fuck you're like are we just friends or are we dating and yeah come at it from a compassionate place but also know that like you don't have it. You're on a bad person. This is a deal breaker for you. Yeah get back on tenter seems like working for you. You export your sexuality that means means but hey I also think that like I don't know I have a lot of friends like if they go on like one good day or start seeing someone who's good they put all basket and they don't go on anymore dates even if they're not exclusive with that one person and I think that's such like a mistake because that's how you get tunnel vision and like for me. I've always been the opposite of being like. Oh No no if I start seeing someone or start liking. I'm GONNA date as many people as possible. It's like make sure I actually really like you and not even like in like Oh i WanNa keep my options open kind of way but I think a lot of people do that and it's kind of Nice to be like. Oh okay. I'm doing this too. I'm not getting so invested and then you might be like. Oh I've had friends who've done gone on dates with someone in the went went really well and they were like okay. I guess I should go out with other people with other people and they're like oh I like this other person so much more. I like this person again. It was like this person was just better than the other person they ended up steadily can going barrier. There's plenty efficiency as they say the world is dying and it's on fire and fishes and everything's dying bite light. Theoretically to radically there are plenty fish. Do you think plenty of fish. Just like change their name because of global warming I mean who's actually still on plenty of I dunno farmers only I remember those is still because Google you know how they have the ads targeted. I'm getting targeted. I don't know I just saw it yesterday. I was like why am I crazy Eh. That's so funny. Yeah before was meal kit delivery or meal delivery services. Now maybe that maybe it's like farm-to-table farmers only that's got they're like. Hey you got sustenance. Now we'll get you a man that's still Well best of luck Yeah I say get back on those apps me too if you actually. I don't think you actually like. I don't think they do project if you actually like in work through it but if you don't move on and also if he actually likes you yeah like love you but like now now like you got to figure that out or work. Oh Yeah Oh yeah and also like if you won't touch you might do like what I'm saying. Happy if he is actually interested in he knows that sex is important to you and he should be selfish. I hated that where it's on. Oh Yeah can't my tummy. Girls Give blowjobs on their periods. Yeah and they're like if they're not having I mean it's like Oh my mind can have sex with you but like I'll give you a low job. I literally think back to like high school. Goma Mike what the fuck do I was cramping pain being like. I'm so sorry fucking dumb. It is dumbed should have been getting yours too. I know Oh that would have been. I don't I don't like some people do like but it's actually like it's supposed to help. I think I would like it on like I mean I could have told you. I don't think we've talked about podcast before Mazda. It has like a horror story with. Yes you did okay. Yeah So that he would. I don't think he would ever maybe a couple. He could eventually get there. But I don't know for me I know I know I in our relationship I got. It's been four. Nobody if I wanted to me like I was like. Let's put this back on the put this on the table Because if you just have to pick the very end of my period when I'm like Mia not dying. You know already feel like I'm being stabbed on stabbed with addicts Painful so ben well onto the next. I'm Megan Melissa. I guess so. I'm nine twenty two. I'm going to be twenty three and two weeks and I just lost my virginity about five days ago I had been planning on waiting until marriage up until this point and me and my current boyfriend are very serious. They've been talking about marriage and things just happened. I don't regret my decision at all. In fact I'm actually really happy with with it and I found out that I really enjoy best. I've only done it one time but it's something that I look forward to doing again and learning more about an experienced team in west and things like that. My question is for you. How do you balance a normal workplace with like school or a job? I worked fulltime but my boyfriend. He works fulltime and he's in school. And unfortunately we worked pretty opposite work schedules. I work Monday through. Friday is work is normally Evenings he offered at midnight sometimes and he has a sporadic work schedule because of his school. So the time together where either. We're really tired or he's working on school or things like that and I just feel like we don't have a lot of times for intimacy and that kind of worries me because I know intimacy is a huge part of any relationship and it's something that I've expressed to him that it's really important to me not like because I've only had the sex one time and it was with him at all very new to me and it from Nice super tried it out learn more at out and especially running more about with him. But I just don't know how to manage a busy workplace or like an adult life and like an adult sex life because I've never. How'd that up until this point and I'm only twenty two almost three and I just feel like a child like I don't know I just feel like I'm an adult now but I also ah I've nothing to figure it out? Yeah I just wanted to know what your advice would be on bouncing a sex life and intimacy in a relationship as well just like every day a normal things that adults have to do think you that one different direction and I thought it was gonna go thought she was going to be like. Yeah I have to work as afraid. They just want sex all the time like this. What do we have the the necklace? That's named Okay I think first of all not to be all like new agey or whatever but I think like intimacy like yes with the partner but I think also I don't know if you've explored explored like masturbating all that stuff but I think like that's also a huge part of intimacy and that's also I think a huge part of like being an adult and being in a relationship. Should someone if you are busy like you're going to get your own shit done and like spending time together and like having those intimate moments that's great but I'm like I'm not GonNa stay up late until midnight. Bonia myself off when I get home from work like in that kind of away but I think like sometimes like schedules are sometimes. You have to like fuck up wake up early and have mornings like it's a sacrifice on either persons and for when you WanNa do it And like sometimes like I I mean you should only ever they do it if you're in the mood like both parties but like sometimes it'll be like a you wake up and it's like heavy nearly I'm tired and then you're like no actually. It's like the computer tech talk really well I can do this now. Yeah so I think well I think that's like part part of it but I think also having like just scheduling a date night like once a week I think is great. I mean we're not great at that we've gotten so so much better and also like his. Both of our jobs stuff has kind of shifted a lot so we have more of a align schedule but like for a while it was like okay. We'll burn make surely one night neither the weekend or the week. That's going to be like date night. This is what we're going to do and that kind of thing and it's going to be like fun and great but also both of you do have to make that sacrifice take time my sister the original Megan in my life yes Fifteen figured number two she. She worked nights and her husband works during the day and they have sex you can make us lake close. It's like it's like one one. Stay up a little later get up a little earlier and they just keep the door closed and go at it. That's what you gotta do. Yeah it's it's it's just like the it's not GonNa be oh he's GonNa go into work late so it fits with my schedule. It's not gonNA fit perfectly with both of your schedules etchells. It's going to be like a a word fits it fits but then I think if also understanding that like because the first time that you've had sex you're also just discovering like like because I think your sex drive I think in obviously they'd be related to like like how much you want to get off. And just like having orgasm it could be like Solo Sola partner time but I also think there is extra aspect of like with your partner Leeann eating someone else and not just you think your just figuring that out right now and learning Ernie Matt. I don't know if he you were his first as well. And if this is you guys kind of like figuring that out together because maybe one of you does it need need like intimacy like we have to have sex every like two three times a week. I'm cool with getting myself off. And then like once a week we can hook up and so I think you have that conversation with him and be like what is your. How many times a week do you? Ideally like want to have Saxon do this kind of stuff and I think if you make the She doesn't know yet. Oh she asks him if he he like she figures that out and then from there just know that like if you WanNa get married and spend the rest of your life together like you don't have it there's no rush like you can like take it slow like it doesn't have to be like okay now that we've had sex. We have to do it all the time. I also feel like he has to be a little bit experience because like you seem to have had the right time she he might also have Oh lucky bitches But also like like just addressing the intimacy thing I heard about the will like people do it. But there is a term for skimming where you just Kinda like similar the relationship. Asian ship like you start like in the morning when you get up you just do little sexy like kiss on the NYC and then like rubbing in sin like like texts just of text and pictures throughout the day in them by the time you get home. You're like yeah like you're just like ready to go. That's a good. I I liked that. Yeah it's nice thing would be mad at me if I sent him. Like dirty tax came to shut the fuck up right now Yeah I think and also like when it comes to like balancing like everything in your life I think just open communication especially like you guys are doing you sound like you're going through life and all that that kind of stuff like together and I think like the hardest thing Becoming like I totally understand what you mean right like being kind of fake adult and like just learning everything is It's like expectations and like setting your expectations and different way. Like being let down and disappointed in feeling overwhelmed but the way to do that and to prevent that kind of stuff is just like talking to him. So if you have an idea of like oh we're GonNa have fun like date night tonight. But you haven't told him and then he's like oh I'm GonNa work late tonight and it can be all that but I think the more communication that you have Sexy like you'll be able to like you'll be able to get it all done and also there's not like sometimes things are going to be like spontaneous. It's going to be like oh it's morning morning. We both woke up early. I come in the mood. Let's hook up and it's the other times of being like yeah like given the situation and like let's literally plan for this to happen. The as I want this to happen but both are good It's just GonNa take some figure it out and you sound like a girl who's got like three agendas and yeah it's like I feel like you're going to be fine. Yeah you'll be great. Yeah and also I think the way to get more sex to tell your partner like how much you love having Book in God. We bless you with this dick good wet sex good wet what sex. We need it on a shirt but like no one could wear it. I know maybe we just put Gw s and then you know it means I like it if you see somebody. Then you're like get it girl or guy whoever you are But like best of luck. Congratulations on your fucking journey me. I'm so happy for so. I wish I was excited. The first armored sex I was like Oh but also you're like a little bit younger. Yeah and you you also masturbating listening and it wasn't like somebody that you thought you're like going to get married to now. I don't think yeah I mean I left left him but like two different things got to love. You have for your boyfriend when you're sixteen but yeah and also maybe trying to fuck uh-huh Jonas truly. Well congratulations on the sex protection and use that planner means to go to the next. Let's go on a low megan and Melissa. Whoever else's hello I'm drunk and that's the only way I could get myself to record this From her really long time and my whole fucking stick is that I'm so bored of being friend zone and I know that so stupid and like as a feminist. I don't fully believe in the friend zone because like I've said to to do multiple times like I don't really like you might remember them but I went through a stage. I went through sleeping around stage but my my problem is that I am dudes and those dudes usually don't like me back in a romantic way. H My fucking friend. I'm so sick of it I want to date someone I want to be in a relationship. I'm very fulfilled in my friendships. I'm very installed in my work under filled in my home life. I just kind of want to date. Someone like really really really want to feel that. Like romantic connection with someone. But anytime time I put myself out there do just fucking either shut down or don't feel the same or whatever Arab la La But I'm the girl that dude sleep with. But don't date. And that's just who. I am Sidebar bar I'm bigger plus size whatever and a lot of doesn't want to believe that that's part of it but I know that that might be that So what the fuck do. I'm so sick of being friends owned. I'm so sick of being like that girl. That dudes are friends with or get along with really well and like we left the same things we have met your family. Your family likes me Headway pass that onto a relationship That's it that's all of it. I'm sorry that I paused a lot. I love you goodbye to buy your drunk. This is nothing to you'd be like plus size at all I think your dating the wrong way I think like recognizing like your weaknesses in dating is like a great thing and I think the weaknesses here is your like. You're a great friend and you're really really cool and therefore I don't think you can date date people that you're friends with. Yeah I think that like you probably have like some really strong solid amazing like like friendship foundations and those people aren't seeing being you in that light because they see you as a friend I so I because I think it's pretty hard to get like quote unquote friend Zoned If when you start talking to someone you it's it's very much Intentionally were trying to date as opposed to like. Oh we go to school together. We've got similar for like 'cause like friends own happens before you sleep but somebody sleep with somebody and then Friend zone and so. I think it's just like like you said she's dating the wrong way or not even been dating. Are you like actually going on dates with these people are just like be having fuck religions and here's the thing I think like if you've what a high sex drive you like I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with like sleeping around at all. I think right now for you sleeping around seems to be pretty detrimental to like how you're feeling about like your outlook on data and I don't think that that's like a cause and effect for everybody at all. I think it can be like there are certain times like sleeping around It could be very empowering and fun and like but they're going to be other times where I feel like this is getting in the way from what I what I really want and so I'd say like if if you've got like if you have a friend who's like fuck buddy the and you can keep like hook up with them and then go on dates and I don't know if you have like like dating apps and doing things like that. I think like you need to meet people and like portray portray Go out there with being like. Hey I want to date not like. Hey I'm this cool girl like I'm super cool. Don't you WanNa date me like look. How cool and funding great? I am because like if if you kind of lead with just the. It sounds counterintuitive. But you've just lead with like I don't know if you don't leave with the fact that hey I'm looking today and that's what I'm looking for. I think a lot of the time people what is back. This is really cool girl who are really get along with super chill. It seemed like she wants the same thing that I do. Yeah and I think that happens a lot of the time with like again. I also agree with you. I don't necessarily believe in the friend zone zone but I think it ha- but I have a lot of female friends who like they say that this is the they go through this and I think a lot of the time that comes from the fact that like you're not being super You're just being like too much of a coup girl. You're not. You're not like saying what you want. Want unapologetically and being like if you don't want this then a cool I'm out it's being like oh I think like they're misreading your signals to and think that you guys kind of want the same thing So I would say like yeah dating apps and like actually go oh and go on dates with people and like don't sleep at them on the first day and talk to them about like. I don't know like the fact that you're saying like oh I've met these people's families and all that stuff like to to me that sounds like are these are college friends like College Guy Friends And I also think that there. You didn't say how old you are but I know I don't think she thinks she did but I think there's also an age age like range of this like in college. It was the definition in high school. Like you. Fuck your friends and that's kind of it and I think like if you're finding that lots of guys your own age are not like looking to settle down and like looking to have relationships Then maybe dating someone who's older than you know two and then also like dear friends hands have boyfriends like are you like is it like oh I'm trying to set you up with somebody else in that way but I think like you need to be. There's nothing wrong about wanting wanting to date and like wanting to be in a relationship but you have to lead that because if you go into like situations or meeting New People and you don't lead with that they that's not gonNa scare or anyone off because like there's also like every everyone there's lots of people who are looking for that who like guy friends who are looking for casual. I'm looking like find a girlfriend or like find a boyfriend. I want to date someone seriously seriously. It's not going to be a turnoff and you're not gonNA scare the purse. The right person off. I think like you're going to find the right people but I have to go about dating. Yeah and if you have dating in Apps I would like check and see like what your pictures look like and all that Lincoln of all of your pictures again okay. So I'm going to say this in a way that like I don't don't agree that this is how it should be at all. I think this is how I think men are John and I think this time men interpret something which I think they're super off basis and they're wrong and I think we should teach them but also again like you WanNa work that system. I think any photo I think if you have photos of you obviously like drunk or drinking or partying that to them scream Kulik. She's just don't for fun time. She was anything serious. Michigan does not mean that but they're dumb and if you're like with a big groups of people and it's clear that you're at a club or partying or like any pictured that's like quote unquote like Thadi or whatever again. I think people men can see that in like a totally like misconstrued wrong way and not saying like tone down your personality or anything like that but I think like if you can have your dating profile reflect how dumb guys are and what they. They need to be spoon fed to build. This crew wants to be in a relationship. Then I think that's a great thing. I don't think that that would be also. Don't settle for you. Meet a guy who's like super buttoned up and it's like very Mary not like what you want. Yeah but I think like yeah I I mean like when I was redoing. All my friends dating Profiles we're taking down all the pictures of like you on a table the dancing. Because I'm like you want a boyfriend like this is like and also like so much of the time my friends who are including those pictures. It's because they're cool guys. Love this kind of stuff and I was like well. You don't even care about this for this you're doing this is trying to You're construing something that's not actually. Yeah you at this moment in time. You're trying to be a cool girl that Mike. Why is it? It's fine. Signed have a photo of you like on a family vacation. Like there's those things are cool to in like your other interests. It doesn't have to be like. Oh this is a bikini. I have to do this. Yeah if I saw a guy like at a club holding a beer like that's not what I that's not going to be in a relationship. That's a guy that just wants to up and that seems like a lifestyle choice of ooh. That's who you are and also like for the most part a lot of people go out and party and drink and I'm gonNA assume if I see someone who has more of a buttoned up profile. But they still do that kind of stuff but like it's not like they're about it's not like hey these are like this is my quick log lied about my life. You only have like five chances to show what you're about and if one of those things that you're about his body body shots in Vegas. I'm like okay. Well let's let's all my slower on my list. Yeah I'M NOT GONNA go for that is you gotTa pull your best five picture however many pick up the mess. What's most important Porton to you? Yeah and like what was most important that your what you want in a partner because it's it's obviously like you want to be representative of yourself but it's like I don't know you want to put that forward to be like I really want someone if you if you like traveling and you really want someone who's into traveling that's what those kinds of you rock climb you haven't but somebody that's into rock climbing a poodle rock climbing picture. If you're like Hella into makeup and you don't want anyone who's into makeup don't put up a makeup pick. I mean like I'm not going to like I would i. I would put a Harry Potter picture up but I might not put up but I want anyone on a therapy. It'd be leads my I don't need you there But I think this is I think a lot of people can relate to this. I think it happens all the time. Yeah but I would just say. Why didn't your circle and change? Change the stubborn. Even if your friends like met their boyfriends or something but others like through the friend group and all that stuff it can be like super enticing but then it can just be like oh well there there might just. They're just your person just might not be there. Yeah and I think that's yeah. I think it's a it's a good way to find that. Fuck Buddy get your get get your garage. Yeah cared jolly jolly rancher like a Christmas. I'll never heard that. Get your jolly. Yeah sounds like like starts starts like John Denver Song I get your rallies them But best of luck. I do love that you I I also feel like I'm really sorry by like really came out. You feel like the drinking thing just because you call his drunk. I love it I love. It was a good time. Yeah still no one beats that time that one guy called Golden League drunk in the back of November. I think that we do you do how are you doing boy. He's Oh that's true. He has Well best of luck Let us know how it goes. I have high hopes. If you can like to reformat and restructure how you go about dating. I think you'll see that it's not a problem at all. It's just like who you're surrounded by. Yeah Okay we're GONNA take a quick break right back. Support from today's show comes from hinge hinges the only dating APP that's designed to be deleted there no gimmicks timers or games instead every match begins by someone liking or commenting on a specific part of your profile. That way you can meet meet your most compatible matches and have unique conversations over what you've shared on your detailed profile. No wonder it's sedating out for people who want to get off dating apps and now hint has launched. Its own podcast. It's called go stories and it's about making dating more honest. Hinge brings people together one who goes to the other and ask them to be transparent. Aren't now if you know anything about me and Melissa you know how excited we would obviously be for this show. I will say though as someone who is a serial goester. I'm pretty happy that relationship and I can't have an ex drag me into this and you have to admit why ghost them but I cannot wait to listen so check out hinges. podcast ghost stories on Stitcher Jerry spotify or wherever you like to listen on conic luxury items on revalued with the real real. 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At Duke Canon Dot Com and use the Promo Code blamed for fifteen percents off your entire order plus free shipping with orders over thirty five dollars. All all products are also available at your local target guys back from our break in working to get into the rest of the calls us in I'm twenty two fold and I am calling for some French fries so I always have falling out with my roommate. Who has been one of my friends just freshman year college we live together are your year and really have dare problems? cohabitating eating but vegetation she's urging me kind of cultural actor stand offish and just say here you know. We're spending too much time together and her Christians say so. I just wanted to somewhere but later I tried talking to her about it. And she's actually told me that inch over and they'd always false accusations and about my character When we trying to fend myself kind of you know give me real explanation? But I was trying to move past this. They're both recently and our mutual friends or reading where she was saying. Honor and I was surprised me and let me tell you. This girl is such a bad mood of honor shows an hourly shower. Getting comes Bachelor party but but I plan by the way didn't come to the hersal the rehearsal dinner and you until late in the day at the wedding and that the reception. She was sitting in the corner in the whole time with miserable. Like she wanted to give yourself And I kinda thought everyone down down So the bride and the whole route probably work visit her but you know what did he say anything to her because it was the wedding. What are we supposed to do and they haven't really torn the Brian any other drama yaks didn't want our petty drama to ruin her wedding. You know her special day but alerted Taylor. How crazy this girl and You know tell her. She deserves a better friend than this girl. Who put in any effort to you? Know like the most days of her life. That's what I WANNA have. My friends have to pick sides between us So I guess my question is should I tell her all the crazy he drama and you know ball out or downplay it and say you know we just apart So Oh I don't trust us and twenty four things guys by no. I mean. She already knows that she's not a good. The Friendship Blade to her wedding. Yeah all the other stuff that led up to it and your all of your friend group essentially solve it. You don't need to do anything she'll dig her own grave. Yeah and the only thing that like talking shit about her will do is make you look bad like truthfully make vengeful. Because she's already like dumped you. He was a friend. Yeah and it's GonNa be like a will and if she's not talking shit about whoever's talking Shit looks looks at and like if she's talking shit about you then she already. He looks bad. She's already doing it. You don't need to do it doing it herself. But she's not talking shit about you. They've already seen these kinds of cues that she's like kind of like a bitch and like not great a great friend at all and then it's going to be kind of like no and like when you start talking about her. It's just GonNa be like then you kind of become the villain like it's just not on a good position to be in and like as much as I think like for you. It's like regaining power friendship and I'm sure like you probably feel like isolated and lonely and awkward and your friend Group Group. I totally get that but at the end of the day like people who actually really care about you and Wanna be your friend. You're not going to have to ask them to be honest side or choose sides they're gonNA see which which side they should be on was the morally right thing and they're going to be there for you but if those if your friends aren't stepping up to the plate I don't think you like like handhold them to to be like well. Please get on my side because they can see the evidence is there. That just means that they're not as attentive in like they might not be great friends for you You shouldn't have to like I don't know come clean about that kind of stuff in order for people to care about. Yeah and also like for you when you said that you couldn't defend the things that she's saying she she wasn't trying to like have a conversation she was just ending at you trying to end it and it seems like she's the one with the issues if she's not being a good friend into anyone so maybe she needs to just work through her own stuff and just let her be like just. Don't interact with unless you have to. Yeah and I think like you. I don't have to necessarily like downplay it or like. Tell the whole truth or anything like that. Just don't bring it up. If someone asks you what happened you could be like. Oh I don't really want to get into but I don't WanNa talk bad but like yeah like we're not friends anymore like to say there's two sides to restore yes not friends anymore and just pick I really like. It's not my place to talk bad about her. Like I'm not about that. And then that like it shows that like hey you're mature person. WHO's above it but you're also not like denying it or being the call? We grew up like just saying that. You don't have to elaborate any any more than that and I get in. It's totally hard. I definitely went through college and I got dumped by my friends. I was like trying to get anyone else. We're going please. And everyone's like Oh sure cool. I was like Oh you don't care and it's like Oh if you don't care then like why do I care so hard about making you care 'cause like then the only reason you care is because I've made you that way like when you should just either feel that on your own or they don't The I think even next year friends get married at doubt. This girl we abides main. Yeah in that way. So she was the bride's the maid maid state of honor so weird. Yeah she was a good friend at some point. Yeah and also as much as you have shit with our. I'm sure the bride fuck in has Majett it with her and like if she wants to like vent to you and come talk to you about it like then. That's fine and like if you guys want me to do that to get like if she wants to back I need to fuck invent and like you can listen and be there but I would just stay away from being like vengeful because there's nothing you're going to get out of it and like there's truly nothing like as someone who loves like revenge and getting even like the only thing that makes you care more. Yeah because the other person clearly doesn't give a shit and also like you said when you're like she wouldn't let you defend yourself. She was dumping a friend. She wasn't trying to make amends or try and make things work at all. Like she was just cutting off being done which I think is probably a blessing in disguise to? She seems like she's got a Lotta Shit figure out on. But but yeah I mean I feel like you were actually in a great situation like the fact that the wedding happened. Everyone got to see it without you having to do you have to like lean back and just like I knew it. I knew by fuck another deal with all of it would have been something if she would showed up and been like so fake. And you're like yeah and everyone. I love her so much is such a good friend. And you're like no. She's not right like I. Think Karma Karma is doing. It's doing its job it's happening. You don't need to do anything plus the hands off. That's such a like a more fun like you just have popcorn popcorn. The coroner's like watching it all happen as opposed to like have no skin in the game you to think it's the way to go but Sounds fucking crazy. Yeah pay attention to your actual friends friends. Yeah spend time with them. Yeah one hundred percent And I really want us with these wedding pictures look like do you think mugging and like being like bitch in the photos. Jarash is like the speaker smile. Oh my God you're she might not even made it to the pictures imagine. Oh my God I hi yeah. That would've demoted her. She demoted first thing. Yeah I'd have been like you out bitch somebody else will you really you you through the Bachelorette party you should have been the one that Yeah this is ridiculous. I would want to throw all of my own stuff when I got married though. I don't trust anybody like if he just battling not fun and like cringing. Yeah I'd just like I do it myself or Jerry. Jerry plan stuff. But she also laid aneurysm aneurysm. You wouldn't let Sydney to fuck no talk. No I love so much. But she's just like happy with anything and like I've told you the extended Christmas is is this praising it's wonderful and then she'll show me and I mean it's not really her taste and it is pretty like ugly but like it's so sweet no funding. Because he's just so nice. Yeah we're versus. Jerry hates everything which would be great. But I'll slip. She's a Virgo Jerry. Yeah she's a virgo but she would go gray like she would like ripper ripper hair out but in like I think she would probably enjoy it she. She wanted to be wedding planner for a long time. Okay now she's doing real estate. Go by hustling same. uh-huh truly type of personality. You have to have to have. Yeah look so cute with her. Like Hello Baratz nor hair. Little flipped out in her like Nice little sensible heels and loafers and her pink Blazers fucking adorable. She goes to the next one. Let's do it again else's there Thank you you sound like you might call So I'm high school. I'm senior and I took like a prep school boarding school in east coast And there's like a very environment I guess concerning boys and stuff and like I've been having sex for two years and I've always just guys treat me like Shit. I'm trying to kind of come to terms with that now and I never really like when I lost my virginity. I love someone I didn't really know and unlike been having casual sex for here I've never been in a relationship. Wish this guy that I is known for being the biggest haunt my entire school. He's like remember them for my whole life and we started having sex last year and I think for either. He's like really big and really mean and I just always really treated me badly. So we thinking when he went on vacation a month ago and then there's this new junior who's repeated came to my school recently and she's like really hot and he a lot of people wanted to get within like my friends did too but no one really knew that well and so I like hot on him I was like you WanNa hang out this weekend or whatever so we hung out super super is he live not gonNA catch. Everything was fine and We started like he offers library every day. A lot and Talki- lot when I realized like he just kind of wears me out a little bit like his music is very unique and he wears very unique clothing. I guess that is different than all the other guys. Another possible Dada. Aw It's just like a lot of people think he's weird and so I started talking to him which is horrible. Do and we we like stopped talking for you. Exclude them onto rumors. Going around about like who. Who and what we said and I don't know what to do because tonight is it's going to get something from talk so long and I was in his car and we you know look at each other and we have accent and I don't know I don't know if I should tell because he thinks we're exclusive? I haven't talked to him in a while and I just don't know what to do like should I stay with him either. Money offers me out. 'cause he's the first guy that treated me nicely or should I end it. Thank you bye today agree. I'm not joking truly we do. Yeah we're GONNA drive diagram for this guy's because this is really fucking confusing. Also you name dropped. Both of those guys will bleep it out but we just have to like get this okay. So she call her Blair Serena I'm feeling watched but which one is. It's like a Sabrina. Probably 'cause like Serena Oh my God. We'll call the weird one Dan because he lived in Brooklyn honestly these prep school problems. They also like so expensive. It is Malta's friends who like went to prep school all that Shit. I can just tell like Cardigan tied around like the top of their shoulders. When you bugging loser okay so okay? So who's this Serena can in case you're not following this is from from WanNa call the whisper show gossip girl. Okay so Serena's the caller So Serena China was hooking up with nate nate. Big Amendment would lean or lean. We don't know just put both okay so lean slash meat. Then Dan Weird but nice nice and then bad kisser and Bat music tastes ooh bad music and dresses weird. Oh yeah weird clothes but like you didn't know that he was wearing weird. It closed before you had sex with him hot junior so he was like the hot new junior and then he was a senior and she's a senior to okay. So but here's the thing so Serena when Dan I came to school everyone was talking about here saying everyone was being like. Oh Wow who's this hot new guy like who's ever going to be into bubble Bob so then you hooked up with him but then now everyone else all those other little people. Aw are talking about like Oh. He's so weird. And now you're saying these weird yeah and then also like when there's like a new piece of meat eat everybody's GonNa be into him because you've been so used to seeing a because you don't him forever. Yeah you've known him all your life you've been so used to seeing the same dudes. Yeah so anybody new coming into the situation it's just gonNA be by default the hot new of trump and he's got he's mysterious 'cause you don't know him yet yeah. So here's here's the thing I think you you you like how do i. I was GONNA draw sex but I don't know how to dress ex. You had sex with both of them. Okay which is fine. But here's the thing you en- Dan Damn fought you guys. That works lucid. Yeah and then you fought state which presumably my mind went to. Was it in the back of a car like his car so I think you fucked him in a car. Yeah like you were like who in the US ended up fucking. Yeah so I think regardless of the whole like like this is a messy fucking situation but I think like I mean I say screw nate sound Dick big unless he was lean name Leanne. I'm for it but if you who's meeting me no no you know and then Dan it doesn't sound like you like him at all. No and you already thought you cheated on him with the except you're not even really considering that you actually dated. I personally think and it would dan you. Don't I have to tell him like. Oh Hey by the way. I felt like I wouldn't tell him that as a reason and also because like if you don't see yourself as exclusive and he did not on the same page eh cheating. It's great it's a great area and you're just going to hurt him by telling him that so I say fuck all that. Don't do that like get some friends who are potentially nice. Don't make fun of Weird your kids anymore just because you guys are have like so much money and you're at prep school. I mean like he listened to weird. He's vampire weekend will lose her her. He doesn't like to rate with a loser. Also your a senior so I say does do what you WanNa do like Simone GonNa. That'd be oh you got one more semester say find find other people that you WanNa have sex with and then have sex with them and screw these ones. You've already already been there. You only have a small amount of time left get like so your seed cloud oats. Don't like Brad Pitt up a wrap appetite one hundred percent. Oh yeah that is what that means for. Sure wrap it up like Hook people that you want to hook up with that like do that is ailing. Don't go back to like the old stale sort of things and I would also like. Yeah just like have fun like sleep around have fun hook up with people but like Oh also which was the Virgin Dan Dan. No I think she took. Oh I think she took nate's virginity a virgin. Probably Dan to probably Dan too because he's younger weird music had weird set. Yeah he got attach a real quick. Oh Yeah it's high school two okay I yeah I fuck like just stop with these both these boys. I think it's a waste of your time and you're just like also like do you just like the drama seems seems like it and you went up for the guy that ever was talking about sneaky about. I like the way you went about it. You're like he's GonNa be mine. Snap chatted here and now now everybody's talking about him. Yeah that is still thought it was a little ghost pacman. But they're both goes yes. Yeah you're snap shutting him and then you. I think you kind of like you got what you wanted out of it and then you're done now and now you don't want people to know about it and also okay then who cares. Besides that's like not like it like shore which does make me think that mates probably mean not lean because we were so happy that Dan was actually nice to you. And here's thank stop having sex people who are media. Yeah just stop doing that. Like we all do it and like it's not fun and it's not fair and like you think that like there are not people who are going to be nice you who will also so have sex with you plot twist most of the time people who you have sex with will probably be nicer to you because you're having sex with them but there was like this small time period in your life in which like you will just if you've been conditioned only like sleep with the same group of people and you've been with the same group of people and you all just kind of treat each other like like shit like that's when you have sex with us us. She doesn't seem like she's very nice to begin. No you don't seem very nice either but I think we can learn that for you in college unless you're going to Harvard or Yale and made a job. We're your parents paid your way. Unlike this. She's Agassi Okay for sure. I'm just better because I wasn't born rich. It's my biggest regret I think we just dropped this. I think like don't contribute to talking shit about Dan no like. Dan Did nothing Dan and pursued him. You know what have you seen that. Talk where it's like if I I fall in love with a dangling haired If I felt with a dangling earring wearing floppy-haired Ibo that's on you. This is on it. Is You did this until you can't participate in making in front of him like anything like that also basically cheated on him So I say remove yourself in the situation and like just focus on like being a better person and also surrounding yourself with with like people who treat you nicely. So you're not then like blinded by the one guy who's like nice to you and you're like wow he's so special like he's not that special like But I think since. She's a senior in high school. It's she probably already knows everybody's addicted like you can't you. What by the time? You're a senior. It's very very hard to remove yourself from situation but this is your at the time where like I was just like fuck it. I'm a I'm a hook up with. Whoever I fucking want that will? She's been doing that. Anyway that's true but maybe you need to. Maybe maybe let's just focus on being nice then. Let's just dancing. Because he also has had his whole senior and you're going to be gone and like don't make it hell for him. Yeah and and it's GonNa get out like because you should about him. It's probably going to get out that you were the one that slept with him. Yeah so don't just don't even join or even if you want to be a solid person and just be like. Hey I do they tell him. Like Hey I think I see you as more than a friend and until your friends again we hooked up. He was great he was phenomenal. It was amazing like greatest exit. Ever had yeah look at doing him a massive solid. So would you like to join our patriotic. Give us money because you go to prep school. So I'm assuming you have. Some got house is going to work perfectly willing to make a gospel. I don't remember how it ends. Oh you know you love me Echo. uh-huh xl gossip girl Christabel. I know I'm just going to say I was going to say whatever her character name is on the good place. Plays with Eleanor. Eleanor News and Old Lady Lane. So okay guys now. I don't blame them. And this is when you guys call in with with your own advice for previous callers undefined episodes. So what do we got to play the tape roll tape. It's from episode with us so fuck. Yeah Hey Megan. I'm calling for John to your most recent Eminem podcast where there was a girl and I. You D wasn't like like performing. And then she got pregnant and then they can get the iud out and then she had surgery and then a lot of money and stressful situations situations later. And I have a similar experience Not in the sense that I had. I got pregnant but that I got misdiagnosed. Snows- kind of thing Basically what happened was I. I have this new thing where I asked out a bunch of the past couple of years and it's been happening for a very long time and then one day. I just was feeling really dizzy and stuff and just like I call. I call my mom and and she was like call the nurse line at the hospital and I called the nurse line and basically my symptoms were busy. I couldn't really see all that well like. I hadn't Komo numbing on my face like my cheek and I was nineteen at the time and believe. He told me he was like you. Were having a stroke like call nine one one like have them take you. Then I call my mom like crime so I was like mom and having stroke. And she's like you're definitely not having a stroke so we went to the emergency room and I got a fifteen hundred dollar medical bill to tell me that I have syncope so I get dizzy sometimes. and to give me dizzy pills and they sent me home and I was tested on it and I'm taking a different person probably should but my mom worked for that set hospital For years and years and basically she told me to just pay the bill and now and I'm so bad but honestly it's kind of the thing like it's been a couple years now and they haven't tracked me down for it. I'm not saying do the same thing but I'm saying that like maybe like hide it and kind of be like this was their fault and like See what they can do for you and like I mean gene in my opinion that kind of sounds like something you could do for. I don't know a hundred percent. Don't quote me not but like that's a lot of stress for like something that could have been prevented and that's just malpractice. So yeah well I'm GONNA podcast love. You is All right bye. I don't WanNa get into like the legalities of it just because we can't know dot lawyers but someone commented on I think the video or something and said that like they wish I could see working. Well Michael that they work in Like a they're an attorney or a lawyer or something like that and that there is a substantial case in there again. I can't give you any legal advice. And also in these situate in when when people call in and we don't give legal advice in God give this. We can't like like Leela make us liable exactly and so we're not lawyers. Yeah and so. If you're like a lawyer like watching and listening to our podcast can you hear and like we're not saying something like that. Then please feel free to comment on Youtube and like tell them as someone who is a registered lawyer because you can on say that we can't Doesn't mean that like we're not thinking but it's just we can't legally say that So I think like it's a I think this is like a yeah. I agree like where it's like. This definitely sounds it. Sounds like regardless just doing research and doing some googling again I also think like I don't know it's like the same thing with like any sort of That's also really hard like it's also really hard financially and time wise. If you don't have the support from like other people it can be like a complete shit show and like tracking tracking your name through the mud like all of that stuff like it can be like pretty rough and just like a lot of time and energy to like if it's not something that you choose to that's also okay but also like I think there's never any harman like looking into like or talking to a lawyer and being like hey like even to quit google search of being like is this is people had cases like this and then yeah having a consultation the lawyer to like find out something that you WanNa fight. I think like fight where you felt like why not. Why not do it? Take a crazy chance. That's crazy I can't even imagine so you went to the Er see this is why I didn't WanNa go to the ER. Because I was like I know I had a seizure. But I'm not going to the fucking but God I can't even imagine them being like. Hey you're having a stroke over the phone. Yeah well guys. That's it for our episode. Yeah hope you all enjoyed. If you want to be on an upcoming episode you can give us a call at three one zero six four zero nine seven six and international listeners. You can send US audio. File a Meghan PODCASTS AT DOT COM and we love you guys so much you please don't send us teams asking of like things that just call in call and also if you think like if it's too long and you're worried about it write it down and then time herself saying and then cut it down sound like everyone can get help guys. We got a fucking girl to tell us about. She fucked three brothers in this time like there is nothing to be. We drew a diagram. There are things are not like it'll be fine. It won't be so confusing like a long time. It's a good fucking imagine if you do a presentation at school and get up stand up and do like a out loud presentation for three minutes. It's not nearly as long as you think it's going to be. And also we don't necessarily need all of those like really miniscule details and I would also employ you guys to like listen back to old episodes in redistributions because so much of the time like hey you can find out which episode we've talked about something similar things like that and if you're like I don't if you've ever talked about this and it's like well listen to the ups find out you might. You might be pleasantly surprised but yeah regardless you should still instagram Don't blame me and Pun and our socialist adopt below if you Are hopefully watching this somewhere. You can also listen to it on the the apple podcast APP and everything like that. Leave us a review. We love it and We'll see you guys next time combined shopper consign at the real real the leading reseller authentic consignment from top designers. The RYOBI has has women. Men's luxury fashion as jewelry. Watches art and home at up to ninety percent off retail. Every item is authenticated by the real team of indicators shopper consign the in store at the real real dot com or download the APP get twenty percents select items at the Promo Code Real. Don't blame me as a production by me executive produced by Melissa Demont's camera operator Commando Lechner and music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso Part of the her pod network.

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Second-Listen Saturday: Movin' on Out

Parenting Roundabout

19:48 min | 1 year ago

Second-Listen Saturday: Movin' on Out

"Welcome to second. Listen Saturday on parenting roundabout podcast where we share some fun moments past episode for Your Weekend Weaken listening pleasure look for new episodes every Monday through Friday while I guess are what's new with with Nicole is really what started at our whole topic for today are on out topic is so. He's moving on out he. He is well he's already moved out but he's moving out again. So it's kind of A. I did that a second level. Move Out Yeah and I think I talked about in living away from home a couple of weeks ago. Some of the risks. Excuse that his new house so he came to a census and realized that the house was probably not the most conducive to a successful academic school year so oh he and his girlfriend decided to go and find an apartment on their Oud Now I have good news bad news situation. You just got to trade one set of concerns for another Exactly it's it ended I in that exactly the way it is when your kids move out. It's never that. Oh you know relief for that that you're still worrying about them in your house. Learned even so now of course I have to quickly switch gears and think of all the advice I can give him about moving out and into apart with his girlfriend. Oh Yeah and the all the advice you need to give her exactly links. You need to work on his table manners. Yes yes expectations. Writing Ain't to have these E to continue to guide him with or in other words your problem now sweetie uh-huh so yeah the kind of branched off into our topic today in You know we thought we we talk about kids moving out and How win that should happen? And whether that's even important like do we WANNA do they need to move about. I don't know what varying thoughts on this I know so terry. Why don't you get started? Maybe tell us about your own moving out. Experience I Yeah just thinking about about that. I could not wait to move away from home personally. you know. I went away to college and after a year to I stopped coming home in the summer. I had an apartment near campus And then when I graduated college I moved to Kansas City halfway across the country from my home and little homesick and I went back I lived at home for a little while. All kind. Like your son Kinda going in and out and then I got tired of having the arguments with my mother than I am now. Having with my daughter moved moved out into an apartment in town and then moved into the valley and then I moved to New Jersey which is far away from home as I could get and still be in the same country So I was was very as soon as possible opportunity. I felt like the thing to do was to get out of the house My husband on the other hand lived at home until he was thirty. Six married married me so seems to have not been a harmed by that experience and in fact saved up a whole ton of money so that we could put a good down payment on the house so sort of seen it both ways and We know I think that there's a you know it's it's everybody we. I was happy with the way I did things. He was having the weight with the way he did. Things so I don't think that there's like one right way but for me. They had done the same thing to her parents so she could not complain too much. But now I was gone. How about you Katherine Katherine did you move out quickly. Yeah while my parents actually moved cross country the summer that I graduated from High School so oh I didn't even get a room in which I would like to point out to make sure that everybody knew about that and how I slept on the floor in my sister's room for a summer. Oh I yeah so you know I did come back for a few few summers and but I was pretty much gone you know. Once I went to college and when I finished college I wanted to work in magazine publishing which meant I had to live in New York City which I was. You know a little bit apprehensive But I ended up doing it and then really liking it and it worked out. So that's a good time of your life to have that experience of living in New York City. Yeah when you're young but when you're also I have no money for an editorial assistant at Rang. I they do have roommates yes I did. Yeah I had my very first year. I actually didn't But then the following all the rest of the time time I did until I knew had one of those really huge apartments like they have on friends right. Oh Yeah I had. I had a V floor. walkup railroad wrote apartments. Yeah with an airshaft. My bedroom was on an air shaft so the pigeons like you would not believe elite. How loud pitching could be when you're trying to sleep in that between the pigeons in the fact that somebody else who had a window on that airshaft headed? It's really loud alarm clock in return. I S communal living. ooh Nicole did you also lose a bedroom in your parents house. was that way you were well. Did they kick you host Sir. Well when I was sixteen I actually left home for a year ended an exchange. Wow and while I was away in my parents moved across country though I when I moved back I had to start at a new high school for my senior year which really kind of was not how but ahead of bedroom man and then I stayed home for two more years and went to community college then when I transferred to university in the city which was a couple of hours away. I think probably five minutes after I left my among was packing up my room on my gosh. You've got his my my parents get my room like a shrine. No they kept a room for my sister who never actually lived in in that house but in case she ever visited they had room for no. My brother moved into my room and I got moved into the family room. Wow Wow so when I came home in the summer I had to sleep on the pullout couch family route so I guess I'm lucky because I had a bad. I did eventually get a bed in my in my parents house. The they put on in addition Freed up a room to become a guestroom so then yeah that'd be allowed to stay there. Yeah I guess it's because our house was like a five bedroom house for three people they could afford to just still connects. You have a room for your own or room for you WANNA room. We got a room. I guess so. We've had our own experiences. Listen how does that translate into what you want for your chance. Then I mean Terry You've got two older kids. Yeah your what's Your I. I am an ongoing feud with my sister-in-law over this because she is very much of the feeling that kids should move out and is constantly encouraging my kids. Do that and I'm like with what job that you can get today. Should these twentysomethings go rent. An apartment are you kidding me this. It's just it's not practical bill and I don't think either of them particularly eager to move out. I'm not eager for them to move out. I guess I'm having a situation that my mother would have liked to have and I wanted no part of which is for the kids at home. So we're going to be. I don't feel it's that important. If they wanted to. I would support it if they don't. I'm very happy to have the home and really economically I just don't see how that could happen. You know I I I. I think that sometimes people subsidize it but I don't think it's that important to one A. K.. Somebody's rents they can move out of the house. Stay there and donate to the utilities but so we do have an apartment downstairs was a mother-in-law apartment and it could quite easily be an adult child apartment if they ever wanted a little little bit of independence but so far. I'm urologist four happy adults under one roof most of the time unless mom's stressed taught catherine you planning what you're GonNa do with your kid's bedrooms when they well. I admit to kind of dreaming about the Empty Nest situation but mostly because of all the driving I you right now and and stuff like hounding people to eat breakfast so they are obnoxious now like it. You know the whole well if they don't feed themselves natural consequences while the consequences that I wasn't the being horrible so I don't like So that kind of stuff. I'm not gonNA miss but I think I'll miss the kids when they go You know I think I would like them to have college experience. That would encode some kind of campus. Living they come back after that or if they. I don't know you know summers and all those things I think I'd be fine with it. I think I would probably Charlie enjoyed. As long as they make. General they move away. Do you have to go to their houses and do their laundry in order. Their dishwashers or will you be able got to let go. I'M GONNA go. It's GONNA be gone. Only my husband will suffer from first time you go to visit. Says it will be so hard. Yeah we should things together. I admit I I mean initially. I was very sad when my son moved out which was aware year now but we had a brief moment time recently where you know. He was not wanting to be in the fraternity house and then he wanted to move out. This is before he and his girlfriend found apartment and he talked about coming to live back home. and hasn't I were kind of a bit head of a bit. You know kind of an Acorn my ball you got used to. Yeah we we've gotten used to myself is off my husband and my daughter and so and my son I love him to bits but you know he will also bring with him his four Qatar and his constant stream of friends come through the house. And even though it's just this whole will other lifestyle. We have to adapt to so they didn't one home and I will not say that. Earn podcast but would've been an adjustment symbolic here's really hoping this relationship lasts and he's he's a very adventures soul so I don't imagine he'd WanNa come back home any so now. How about your daughter? Are you feeling quite so optimistic about her head now or a little more protective no. I'm I'm good. I really want her to have that college life experience experience and she's more Independent than my son. I would say so I. I would encourage her shirt move if she wants to. She wants to stay at home. That's fine too but You know I wanted to at least have a few years living on campus. It's not the whole time living at home. I wanted to have that transition period of. Yeah yeah being on campus than being being on her own eventually so but we'll see how it works out. I don't know being in southern California. We have so many universities and colleges within minutes so so yeah. It's hard to lead us by moving them out when they can draw grew. That's true. I mean my kids went to Community College so there was never any question of of leaving. But I don't know kids mostly go away to college still now. I know they did when I was growing up. Yeah they do. It's it's actually really I didn't own. This is a full of the conversation for later but the kids go into just to move away. He's incredible and that's that the thing that sticks in my head. Yeah like I I want her to to move out but I don't want it to be for forty five thousand dollars a year nights nights right and when I think of I mean how much I mean I really wanted to move out. My wouldn't have done it any other way but when I think about how much many I spent in rent and you know furniture and travel expenses to different places I was living and whereas my husband just sat home and put his paycheck in the the band. I am not sure that it was really the wisest thing you know. My Parents Really WanNa live at home and save money and I didn't care at that at time when I was in. My twenties did not care in my thirties. I cured retroactively. We know when I first started living and working not New York. I was the only one of my peers at my job. Didn't live at home or or with their family some family member because it was just too expensive. And that's why I lived on all the free food and other giveaways PR products that we got work. Baby I babysat you know. Oh two or three times a week to to Al and that was how I got all my spending money you know just to pay for my subway in my a food and stuff so you know I think and I feel like that's how it's GonNa be for adults young adults now and in really our kids if if a family can't make it without two incomes than how can a young person who's just starting out in an entry level job yes even if you I have a degree for your profession so you can get a higher level of job it still pays crummy and you know you have to work your way up to something that's GonNa pay well. Well I don't know how that's why in stinking of the wider topic of is there a particular time that kids need to leave home. I I mean I feel like it's it's unique to the kid. If you really want to then you need to make that happen for them. But if they don't I don't think you as a parent need to feel I am not kicking my kid out. I'm pampering them and I'm in helicoptering them and it's a terrible thing you know little bird go you need to fly. I don't think there needs to be an artificial point for that. Just because if nothing else it's so hard to get along today yeah and and that's the thing I mean. These kids are are taking on huge amounts of debt with him owns paybacks of nine two hundred thousand dollars a month. I mean yes so I think going back to. Do I want my kids to move out. Yeah if it's if it makes sense financially I I don't want them to take on that huge burden if they can live at home like I don't take on the big financial burden if they can live here with us right. I feel like with kids with special needs a completely different situation than G. I spent a lot in college. But with kids specialties. I feel sometimes at the drive to get them living away from home. He is kind of like well who there's not that much more other adult stuff they're going to be able to do so darn it. We're going to get them out of their the house and into a supported living situation somewhere and I would rather have them living at home and finding a job working whatever job they can find. You know I don't feel like that's the pinnacle of my vision for them is to get out of the house I get really frustrated by that because at some point in high school while The Times the the planning turns towards well. Let's make sure you can keep an make your bed So I'm very frustrated by that and so I also don't buy into it from that point of view that I have to as a sign of independence for my kids with disabilities. They have to live alone. They really don't if my husband who did not have any disabilities could live. Delete thirty six. I don't see why his kids can't also so. Yeah it's like you said it's just it's different kinds of kids in different types of kids and families really whatever works but yeah but there are still people. My sister-in-law feel I won't quote that out but even if she does I think we've had conversations about it. I don't think you have. You can set that as the bar for adulthood for anybody at at least right now right now because like you said. It's not about helicoptering in wanting them under your roof. Yeah it's practicality practicality. Emmy weather is for for kids with special needs who would need to be in a supported environment anyway. Yeah or if it's kids who can't afford it you know it's not about trying to keep them under your wing nominee. If they have a job make them pay for their phone. Make them pay you know chip and for utilities charged them rent. If you want to something very low you know. Make them pay for cable for their room with all that stuff is fine You know give them responsibilities. It's not like they're going to be loafing in the in the basement playing video games necessarily but if they don't have a job it's not to have expenses also right right. Yeah and they can do their part around that awesome. Yes as long as they do right right within reason they can learn how to do things. We're not being marked. Your rent used to learn how to do it exactly like I like it into a and they will all move out uh-huh.

Nicole High School New York City New Jersey Emmy Katherine Katherine editorial assistant Acorn Kansas City California Qatar catherine Charlie New York Al G. The Times
#317: Natural Air Changes, Flashing Windows in Brick Walls, and Cleaning Construction Messes

The Fine Homebuilding Podcast

1:11:00 hr | 5 months ago

#317: Natural Air Changes, Flashing Windows in Brick Walls, and Cleaning Construction Messes

"Not even the shag carpet. That plus three inch file our engine blew and so rob you and i are nearly the same age kylie to. I believe i remember that being all the rage as a kid. And i remember like seeing people raking. They're freaking carpet. Welcome to the fine home building. Podcast our weekly discussion of remodeling and design. Topics aimed at anybody. Who cares deeply about the craft and science of working on houses is a senior editor. Patrick mccomb today. I'm joined by digital brand manager. Rob watts ac morning. Patrick senior editor kylie jacques and producer. Jeff rose i've air. Please email your questions to f- hp podcast at taunton dot com. You can find previous podcast and check out the show notes at fine home building. Dot com slash podcast. Well it's a pleasure to see you all this morning. Thank you for being here. thank you to. It's been a while since you guys have been on the show. It's nice to have you here. It's been a while. Yes i've been keeping matt and brian on On the on the show and it was purely out of availability. no other reason well. I'm sure listeners. We're happy about that because they're so informative. Brian is great. He's it's i rely on him now to have all the building science i don't have. What are you guys. Have been doing what you've been doing. Rob what have i been doing. Oh man so. I've been trying to turn my basement into a workshop. And i'm i'm wondering Why the heck. I didn't do this like eighteen years ago. Because it's it's it's very rewarding experience and it's gonna help me take tackle a lot of other projects in the house a lot more easily. Keeping my tools organized having a space to spread out. You never struck me as a basement dweller rob. What's the appeal. Well that's actually the. That's that's probably why i mean it's it's a stone basement. As i've mentioned many times in the it's it's basically a cave. It was dry way back when we had a boiler but now in the summers. It's damp unless i run a dehumidifier down there but i never get any liquid water down there so i'm just tightening the place output. That insulated imply a plywood floor. That i've discussed a couple of times down and therefore cannot really. Well it's just a plywood over pressure treated sleepers with rigid foam under and in between the sleepers and It's and the latest thing was. I built a really nice little built in workbench in a little old vice that i had knocking around. That was a rusty piece of junk but now looks pretty works well. I've seen some folks on youtube. Who spend an inordinate amount re time repairing old tools. You didn't strike me as that type either. Actually thinking talk watching those videos. And i guess i was inspired cussed. Isis are so cool. Even i like. I don't know why just vices kylie highly. Why so the photograph of your shop. Rob it looks quite livable in there. And how long has this been going on. I guess i started on the vice while the plywood floors been piecemeal over the past year. Couple years but i Hopefully finish that in the next Couple of weeks but The vice i just got inspires Early last week and just went out one night and just with my angle greiner and sanders and putting clear coat on it and put some lubricant done all the moving parts and then just over the weekend i built a i built the workbench at him and the awesome thing about it. Is that this whole project. I'm using up all the terriers. I've been stockpiling for years from the pieces of scraps of plywood and framing lumber and at painted the whole ceiling in this one section of a basement. I'm going to end of at the messianic part. Was i started cutting out all the pipes from the old boiler. That's no longer they are. They're just like us fighter web of them across the whole ceiling and they're just full this nasty black thick sludge from like the the boiler early snapping up off the floor. Yeah i mean it. It's i. I've been letting it drain into buckets as much as possible as they cut the pipes give you some a lot more. It's because well. Well the the ceiling. Once i put the plywood in in in the insulation the ceilings early about six foot three. Maybe but i'm bill five ten so that's plenty of room for me. I can't move around big sheets of plywood overhead or anything like that but for little projects that will be perfect so little projects like what. What do you expect to do with this. Well the first thing i'm gonna do is build all the doors for my kitchen that i'm working on. It's all michelle. As i can't work on the kitchen till i have a oh. My tools organized a clean workspace. 'cause especially in the wintertime. I can't be going out in the yard and cutting stuff on the table. Saw the law. And that's what i do. I can't be painting painting. Doors out there that's for sure but a friend of mine Kind of inspired me to do this. He's on his third or fourth house over the years. He's a little older than us and he threw his previous home. He told his wife is. I'm not touching anything in this house. So i have this basement gutted and turned into a workshop and she was bugging him bugging them and then once he was done in any type shoot ask him to do like some little task was going stairs take like ten minutes in the it was done and certainly that keeps all of his crap out of the house right. That's it i hate. I hate it over the years turning. Random rooms into workshops temporarily exist is a lot of mess to clean up and right if everything has its place. It's just It's just so much easier to work totally. That's what about you kylie. What you've been working on. Well i've actually been trying to change my mindset. Get him gearing up to put my house on the market. So i have to go back to being a renter which is a whole psychological exercise. It's not easy to imagine doing that again after owning a house. Aren't you gonna miss your gordon coin. Log god yes you know. it's like i hope to spend one more season in it but You know that's the that's the biggest part sharing walls and floors and having lands to work with But i'll have it again. I promise myself that You know we'll see a seller's market but I'll tell you what it's not is a renter's market trying to find a place that i can imagine myself in is there's lot don't sell their and clearly for rent. Buy crazy people. So i'm not gonna move just anywhere. I want to be excited about where i'm heading but it does. Have you know when you decide you. Put your house on the market. It's like oh boy. I'd better get that like i could live with it but i don't know the sell my house with it like that and most concerned about my bathroom which i never had the money to redo. And it's it's definitely the furthest thing from a selling point. I'll tell you that you mean folks are going to raise eyebrows at it at your bathroom. Needs to be gutted and redone no question. I think most folks will tell you that. You'll never recoup that money if you spend it on your own if i do that. I'm staying cause. I've lived with it for so long. I mean you probably best bet is just clean it up. Maybe do a few little projects but miracle paint sony right. It's it's it's no big. It's not small feet to sell a house. And i'm so i'm learning about that as i've done it before i bought a house but never sold out so there's a lot to did you call in your same realtor that you bought it from dad. She's no longer in the business i. She made a recommendation. And then. Of course i think i mentioned on the podcast and i was fantasizing about buying a piece of land. Well i started getting into what that entails. Forget it and the funny thing that i've reached out to a couple of people. Mike mains being one of them and Bob swinburne in vermont. Because that's where i wanna head to. Bob is an architect designer. We help books and builder by saying you know you better say given the fact that your job is completely remote you better give some thought to wear vermont. You move because wifi is not given some of that wideband internet. Yeah right so you gotta you gotta be somewhere where there's service you know. The thing is though you you would prefer to be somewhere where the service but think about it martin holiday for all those years. He was editor of g. Gb he was on a satellite internet on a remote off the great cabinet on a hill in vermont. Must that's not practical deal there. Definitely some trade offs with the satellite internet. I've heard i've not experienced it myself but a it's very expensive and my understanding is the speeds are not all that remarkable. Yeah so anyway ocsta- think about well. I can't wait to attend the yard sale. You're gonna have before you move. I'm gonna get some optimism. I'm going to distribute agree. Clearly going to get the robie electric mark. Patrick you've been asking you about that thing for two years it's yours. That'd be kinda cool. They could get my gas tractor out here. Jeff what are you doing in your oodles of spare time. Jigsaw puzzles count. i'm in hibernation mode that i've been working on the kitchen a little bit still. I finished the three drawer base cabinet. I've talked about for a couple of weeks. You guys haven't heard about that too much. But i bet you've seen photographs but i just need to put drawer fronts on it. It's been finished the boxes finished and it's imposition Real happy with how it turned out. I am not a good cabinet maker. But i get better with every one of them. So that's what you want right in. The picture is how how do. How'd you cut all the drawer. Parche with a set yeah. I talked a little bit about it in the last show. But when you buy an eight inch expensive data said it really upset. Game with regard to table saw joyner rob. I think you'd agree. Yeah well i mean honestly to tell you the truth. I haven't really used a dato all that much because I've i've i've been both ends of the spectrum. I've either ben just like using my contractor saw on the random hand tools my lawn or working in cabinet shops where we have shapers where every every single thing is made on a very dedicated tool in a. How did you guys do. Drawer boxes Did you do dovetails. Most things more utilitarian than the so. When i when i worked for various Like more hands on customer carpenters over the years. We would do dovetails. And use like dovetail jake to cut the ducktail but honestly in a router. Yeah awesome most cabinet shops nowadays. Don't make their own drawers the because it's just a it's this thing that if you've got a shop that's just dedicated to making drawers. You can just bang them out like we used to get them from a guy who had just one of those commercial Condos it was like the size of a four car garage in our town and he just had all his tool setup and every time you went into pick up your order. There be like hundreds of drawer boxes just piled up everywhere in the room and it was like you. You know you take your measurements through your drawers. And you'd send him over and you know within a few days or a week you'd have you'd have all the drugs for your cabinets Already pre lacquered and everything so you basically just have to install the hardware and put your faces on everything. Oh that would be a dream. Come true so i gotta say yeah so. Brian asked me in the lascaux. How i do my drawer slides. And i explained that i use a fixture oftentimes to hold the drawer box in the extended slides which have already been mounted to the cabinet sides. Right well. this time. I got an idea to turn the cabinet boxes on its side. I pull the drawer slides out and fastened the top slide. I and then turn it over and did the the the other side Network really well. So i would suggest if you're having trouble doing your slides try. That method worked well for for a small cabinet though. It'd be fine. If you're doing a big banca cabinets. He probably be a little bit more awkward but still awkward and third. Quarter inch plywood. Cabinet boxes are pretty frequent. Heavy to tell you the truth. It's like it's been so long since i've done that like i can't remember the method that i would typically use but i think i pretty much most of the time rely on measurements love measuring. Yeah just relied measurements. And i'd use a lot of times jews. I cut little blocks of Scrap plywood and Have one for each drawer. Height and i would use those as the guides for the For attaching the drawer slides to the sides of the cabinet cases. That's that's a great idea to rob done that as well. I think i wanna do or have someone do. It's not going to be written by me. A building kitchen cabinets article for the magazine. Because i think someone who does it has a lot to share and would soften the learning curve for the rest of us so we heard from our friend. Barbara barbara sent me an advertisement that she came across and she says. I challenge you to rewrite this sentence so it actually says what they met in their native language. But no longer makes my brain hurt. Thank goodness the url actually has the word cock in it because on twitter i was totally stumped by glass glue. That's why i collect a promoted tweet. I have regrets and she says this this three in one tool helps you helps you work easily and quickly to improve the agglutinate quality of the aesthetic sense of the surface. Now saying because as a philosophy major. If i used the term agglutinate eating quality so i have to admit i have what it means. It means to firmly stick or be stuck together to form a mass. In an example would be the secretion may form crusts agglutinate eating the islands. See i actually. I kinda geeked out on this one. Because i searched. I searched glutamate and the first thing that came up was in Languages certain languages they put word parts together to make bigger. Were descriptive words. So it's like you know It's hard to describe. But basically chinese is one of those languages with all the characters having individual meanings so i took the word included in a English to chinese translator and the two separate word parts mean congealed and set so basically what. I think that the original term of the original sentence was saying that it would make your cock look good after it was set by by smoothing out. Yes but they said that in one word. Yeah you're hired for the translation software. I tell you what we should tell folks funny. This is a caulking tool. And it looks like it's a scraper and like a tooling kind of Rig it's hand held tool and I'm going to have to get one of these. god knows my agglutinate is not unto snuff. Plastic handle that has all these little triangular attachments that go on the end. Some of them are cutting the cockamamie basically. This is something you would use in your bathtub to depri- out the old cock and to apply a new beat a where the tub meets the tile wall and it looks pretty useful so any listeners. Do you have any insights on agglutinate. Your please share those with us. Because i'm sure there's so much we don't know who's this is from catherine our other friend. I was listening to episode. Three eleven with great interest on one of your listeners talked about the economics of going all electric as a proud owner of a newly electric but really old house. I'm definitely biased. But i'd like to comment. Your listener is entirely correct. That going all electric is not economical for one hundred percents of homes right now however it is economical for nearly all new homes right now and this percentage is increasing as heat pumps more widespread. There are many clever people working on this but not enough. Here's a great resource for the economics of electrifying buildings. All over the country. I'll put this link that katherine katherine put in her email on our podcast page. Certainly someplace where cheap natural gas inexpensive electricity are going to be the last to electrify. But that shouldn't discourage people or cities from checking to see if all electric is right for them. I'm personally much happier. That i never have to worry about backdraft appliances and my indoor air. Pollution is lower for those of you that are interested in induction cooking you can actually borrow induction cook tops in san diego to give them a try. We love our induction stove and keep showing people how quickly we could boil. Water are poor. Gas methane is indeed a terrible greenhouse. Gas leaks twenty five times worse than co two over one hundred years but there are a bunch of refrigerants that are much worse are one thirty four a is fourteen hundred and thirty times worse than co two while this may seem unimportant. One of the easiest and most impactful aspects to combating climate change is swap out these refrigerants which is why we have the ca- gauley amendment to the montreal protocol see table two point one four for the list of global warming potentials. Thanks so much for talking about climate. Change and for being general building nerds. I love best which is and happy new year. So i email catherine to ask her some further questions regarding her discussion of going to all electric and i brought up the point that you know it depends where you are. And i asked her about where she lives and i didn't remember And i asked her some other things about folks who don't have the money to switch over their houses or pay more for their heating fuel. She's i live in south seattle washington so essentially all of our power is zero carbon Seattle city light has been offsetting whatever small fraction power is still fossil based from bonneville power administration and the winner power is nine point nine nine cents a kilowatt hour for the first eight hundred and eighty in a two month period. Then it's thirteen point two six. after that. When i had foucault gas. I paid eleven point five two a month for the connection fee. Then point nine one dollars therm since we only had the hot water heater in the stove most of the bill was connection fee. The house did you have a furnace but was sold and the connection to the chimney was so janki that we will worried we'd suffocate in our sleep and dropped too many iq points so we never turned on after we bought the house. We guess it was from the sixties. I agree with you. That new technologies are often out of reach for lower income people in the short term. I'm okay with that. And people with a higher risk. Tolerance can foot the bill to bend the cost curve for poorer folks. I think it's a good long term. Solution would be some kind of equivalent the rural electrification program of old rather than having the wealthy jumped ship and leave the crumbling infrastructure to be paid for by fewer and fewer people that way leads to more explosions one other item of note it beyond saying that it was one of the one hundred and thirty seven. Podcasts is that the relatively low cost natural. Gas is propped up by the price of oil and fracking wells. Oil pays the bills but the natural gas is gas often a byproduct with the price of oil toilet. It'd be interesting to see what happens with the supply of natural gas. Happy new year katherine katherine. She's a smart lady. we actually have new. Gb contributor john herreid he owns snug planet. Which is a residential energy upgrade Small company and is rallying cry is to electrify all homes and so i reached out to him. Shared catherine's email just to get him her first female. I didn't have the second one Just to get him to weigh on with his thoughts and he really. He concurred with a lot of what she said but he made a specific point about The potential global warming of Hfc refrigerants and it just so happened. When i reach out to him that he was working. On a gpa post. About the about how to mitigate the effects of refrigerant leaks So keep an eye out for that. I'm looking forward to it But he he. He just made the short point that You know aside from phasing them out for climate-friendly alternatives over the long term That there are things you can do in this. Assuming what he's going to be writing about to prevent the leaks during installation service and decommissioning to to limit their impact. So i just thought that was neat and You know. I'm happy to have his voice because because this is his issue is how to go about electrifying homes. Yeah are much easier. Bet although you know he he also made the point that You know. Electric pumps are gaining momentum as a way to retrofit older homes So go ahead. Rob what the thing is so that the article that she that catherine cited was from the rocky mountain institute just been around since the early eighties and their their whole goal is to Is to improve our energy infrastructure and One thing One thing about the ease and cost of electrifying homes is. It's getting getting easier and easier every year. Like for instance. I i got the heat pumps in the solar panels on my house Two consecutive years a couple years ago. And you know. I i know about that stuff for ten years working at gb a but in the early years all the case studies. I see about solar powered homes. Were people that either. Just really cared enough about it that they sacrificed big budgets or they were wealthy people with a big big budget projects in the solar was like a fraction of the cost of the project and they have the cash to put up front but the thing is over the years The lending options have gotten so much easier There's a lot more choices All of the companies that provide these types of equipment and services. If you find the right companies they will do all the paperwork for you to get the financing. And there's a lot of can enter up to you though. Rob i think we on the east coast and catherine out on the west coast. Living in a different place in the middle of the country where i can imagine there's not the incentives to electrify your home. That we are given cost wise. You mean yeah programs. Right yep well. The thing is so the north north nc state for years and years. I've known about this for long before i worked at. Gps gb has this desire d. s. i. r. e. It's there. I don't know what it stands for. It's not gonna southern but it's the nc clean energy technology center and they have they keep a comprehensive list of state and federal programs around the country that they update. I think monthly of all of the. And so i i went just for curiosity's sake and looked at Because like i would love to get a heat. Pump water heater Just because that's one of the biggest loads of my solar panels. That's one of the things that's keeping me from going to zero energy in this house. And it would help you humidifier your basement very beneficial side-effect right exactly and so you know i went and looked and sure enough. There's a there's a loan program that is tied to the energy audit program that i got years ago to get those other systems and it's I can borrow up to three thousand dollars for three years at zero interest so that would completely cover the heat pump and the thing is. I'm pretty sure if i did the math. Maybe it wouldn't exactly cover the cost savings but it would basically be awash while i was paying it off on my electric bill and and then in three years i basically have you know a huge significant decrease in my my costs. How long did you finance the photovoltaic panels on your roof rob. That's a twelve year. Loan for what two year and a half year year and a half. Now i think. Do you know off the top of your head. How much as to your electric bill monthly So my electric bills right now. Based on what my neighbors are seeing a would be well over three hundred dollars a month with all the stuff that i've got running right now and i pay just over two hundred dollars a month for the loan on the solar panels and When i got it our electric bills a little bit lower and i was averaging about fifty dollars less a month in total total. Cost when you figure the my electric bill is much smaller. And my My loan payments kind of offset some of the electric bill. Jeff i'm going to put you on the spot. Can you ever imagine switching to your your house to all electric. Is that something you think could be viable. I would think so switching out. The oil fired furnace for heat. Pump could do it. But i you know i. We talk about mini splits and things like that. I don't. I don't know that much about a larger scale heat pump while they too are very efficient now in You know two plus range. And i think seer's and the probably twenty right. Yeah and you know. I think one of the things i was reading some article on. Gpa and they're talking about how of the problems of adoption of the stuff is not necessarily the cost is just the knowledge. Should there's there's a lot of builders out there who remember the heat pumps from twenty thirty years ago and know that those things could not take care of heat in the northern climate. But now we've got heat pumps they can work in minnesota and made you know so. Yeah well i you know it is. Technology is evolving. And i hope we can make it work. I just i. I worry that it's going to be poor. Folks who who are going to be left behind and have to pay you know there for the aging infrastructure of distribution because they. They don't have any alternatives to switch. They just don't have the cash and it's tough to get loans. If you're poor. I think you would all agree I want to do one more thing. And then we're going to get to some questions hi. Fhd team on twenty nine year old diy r- like to share my air sealing adventure with you doesn't that sound great already bought my first home at the end of twenty eighteen a vinyl clad bundler built in nineteen ninety my childhood home during the pre purchase inspection. The inspector let me know. All the energy related grants the government offered. This led me to the rabbit hole of building science and air sealing before i knew what i was ripping off vinyl siding and sheathing. I serve the mice. They're fiction notice and started work. I replaced the chewed up. Fiberglass with rock we'll put energy blocks over the energy bought electrical boxes install it installed our for insul- sheathing with acoustic ceiling. Around every stud tape the seemed and use pro soco's joint and seem filler with sheathing the foundation. I followed that with two and a quarter inches of eps. Foam reinstalled the windows as audi's replace the original windows with high performance ones. The attic was wide open at the time. So i tackled that too. I shuffled around the fiberglass batts tape all the seams in the vapor barrier sealed off the ceiling penetrations and made a new more airtight atta catch. I then added another layer of insulation for a total of our sixty eight this year. I changed the footing. drains enlarged. Replace the basement windows chain. The basement door and began insulating. The basement my pre work blower door was three point. Nine seven air changes my post. Work blower door was point. Eight five air changes. All this work was done by me with some help from my father here and there the podcast was with me through it throughout. And i'd like to thank you all the building science community for helping me get this far. Keep up the great work. Alex from kodak. He's got feel really good about that impressive. That's really impressive. Is at the high end of the spectrum of of sort of just how determined and successful you know a project that can be scientists. Been reading about this stuff for five years and you know has really good handle on it before he got going. Oh yeah. It's a great accomplishment alex. I applaud your efforts. If you feel like you wanna spend a few weeks helping me. Air seal my house. How welcoming come down from quebec shop so this goes to a question. I think i've asked you. Guys recently ended Every now and then what. I get like unsure of my decisions on what i'm doing to this old house you know. I'll sneak a question into the cuban a forum and people will call me out as they realized i shouldn't be. You need to come up with an alias. But anyway like you know. I've been in this house eighteen years and i've been doing the same kind of stuff but it's a lot more difficult in a big balloon framed house from the eighteen seventies with a stone foundation. And and all the joke that i filed up in here but But it's like yeah maybe think about like is it. If you're doing all the stuff yourself 'cause like a lot of a lot of people will say that deep energy retrofits meaning a deep installation overhaul an air sealing. Overhaul of an old house is hard to economically justify from return of investment. But if you're living there and you're not going anywhere and it's your time and it makes you it and you enjoy the process and the results and it makes you more comfortable. I mean it just seems to make sense to me. I think there are so many things like that. Rob you know at least a deep energy retrofit. I'm gonna guess that more than half of the cost is labor because it is very labor intensive work right sure and you need to protect client's house and likely they're living there and that's all complicating so like you said if you're doing it yourself. I think it's probably a lot more cost. Effective still doesn't wanna make me crawl on my attic for hours on end. I gotta say that one guy who talked every siemian is board. Sheathing love it all. If any of you folks that are listening to share your air sealing adventures. We always love to hear them. Okay this comes from jeff into hatch. P. california you guys. Were sure i was going to massacre that name. I'm betting But i found this amazing site that will help you pronounced city names from all over the world. So that's my favorite thing. Go search sheriff's the link. I'll put that on the podcast. Page to to hatch p. California good day. F h podcast. Team this comes from jeff was just listening to a radio lab podcast episode titled terrible cova christmas special which discussed pandemic pandemic pandemic numbers. When i heard something that made me pause you can imagine my shock. When one of the host started that most homes have less than one air change per hour really where that data come from. Start around thirty minutes of the thirty minute. Mark of the podcast. If you'd like to hear the discussion there was also discussion regarding recommended. Air changes per hour three to six and cracking your windows six inches to help improve the air changes per hour. I'm pretty sure. The hosts are not experts in the field of efficacy or epidemiology so a liberal amount of mental salt was applied to get through the podcast. Just thought you would find it interesting. Thanks a lot for all you do. Keep up the great work so jeff. They're talking about natural air changes per hour and what we talk about in the building. Science community is at fifty pass scales of air pressure. Which is i. Understanding is like about a forty mph winds. So it's artificially difficult so you get leakage rate. So some people convert the air changes at fifty pascal to natural air changes and it's always a fraction of the higher number. So that's what they were talking about. But i can see where there was some confusion for sure. Yeah avenue that it's easy for someone who knows building science to send sierra red flag pop up when they hear that number. And you've got to remember that like you said were were under a blower door tests. We remeasuring air changes per hour so were artificially increasing the pressure in the house so that he wrote the versus writing to them. So did you did you. Do you happen to know what that calculation might be to go from. Ach fifty two natural air changes. That's a great question. I don't raw. But i have seen You know spreadsheets. That have that conversion in there. I don't know what equation is are using the cms calculator unit of measurement now or them see fm right. You think that's becoming. It seems to me. I read someplace that that that was becoming more the standard you. I know that the folks in the weatherization industry use those numbers. More regularly than folks like austin in in the media in the building science and design communities where. Ach fifty is the standard is. That's because if you do see fm you don't have to figure out the volume of the house which is often very complicated. Yes well point out. The geek pinned all the way to the right right now. So we're getting some of her art. Oh my god. So we need to geek meat or graphic to demonstrate the geeky going on at any one moment well anyway though but two point one air change natural. i found. I was trying to find what is typical in a house and at fifty past gals Martin holiday mentioned in one article about how is there an average. Ach value for older houses. Actually was a forum question Ninety nine study of two hundred ninety nine wisconsin homes showed a median air leakage of six. Ach fifty i was gonna guess eight. I think that's a very difficult thing to quantify. It depends entirely where you live in the age of the housing stock. The methods of construction. That's going to be all over. The board makes sense. What's the air change at fifty. Pascal is going to be in the florida keys in beach house. That was built in the thirties. No plus a lot of people make point that you know when you live in a warmer climate that you may not be quite as a warm dry climate especially you might not be as concerned about Air changes per hour. Because that's probably not your biggest concern. Comfort concer- i was talking with travis brunt guard who's a builder in kansas and He was saying that people he said people. Just don't care. There's this used to being uncomfortable. i don't care. They expect their windows to be drafted. Really hard to convince them. And he's like an energy's cheap so it's really hard to do high performance here because people. There's not monetary incentive and they're just during the housing stock is way less expensive. You can't spend six figures on an improvement and expect to ever get a return on your investment. It's not gonna happen. This comes from our friend. Jonathan from silver springs maryland. Silver spring maryland and he writes I recently hired a licensed contractor to cut a new one opening in our south facing dining room wall. This is our first south facing window. We really appreciate the light and sold it again this time of year. The interior is framed with two by fours and the exterior is brick. I almost fired the guy halfway through the job. Because his crew didn't flash the opening. He told me he's done. Hundreds of new windows never flashes them he said caucus is enough on a brick opening. The window is a replacement style picture. Window place in a box of one by eight. Pvc since the installation. I've paid attention to window. Units installed and brick sure enough there lay directly into the masonry with some type of kach even in commercial construction short of ripping the window. I was advised by the home center to at least apply some flashing cement to the exterior. That's what i plan to do. I have a couple of things working. In my favor. The roof has a small overhang about six feet above the window. Keeps most of the water away using grinder. I- bevelled the mortar sales so it slopes away from the house to keep the water rolling away from the window. I'd like to know what you recommend. I should have done this myself. Thanks as always. Jonathan silver spring maryland. Ps siding running away. When i was up on the ladder. I re- pitched the got her installed some step flashing in a kickout diverted as a temporary fix. I would have preferred roofer. Didn't rip out the step flashing three years ago. Isn't that common for a why. Be roofers. Rip out outflow. You think they would know better right. This is in the way. Let's just get this outta here. So am i rent to thanks. His window was was put into like a a box. Like it was straight into the masonry. Right it was put his body replacement window which is ordinarily meant to go in the existing window frame and instead of that they made a one by frame out of pc stock and made their own window frame and then put this thing in assuming as a unit so i feel like seems like back. Garage would have been applicable here. Am i right. Well that definitely helps in the commercial building sector they are really all about good sealant joints right and they use back rod and they use seal supply by people who knows what what the heck they're doing and it's just expected to be a normal part of routine maintenance every once in a while you have to go and fix this stuff or replace it and that's just part of and they're probably using collier thank cox that are extremely durable and sticky and flexible and these people do this every day so they know what they're doing so what i would tell you to do. In the residential sector is go to findmassmoney dot com and look at mike slog. It's retrofitting a window in a brick opening. And that's going to tell you exactly how to do this. And despite what these guys say. And i have no doubt that this is what they do all the time and i have no doubt. This is what you see most often. But they don't slash them but the better thing to do is if you can is to get some plastic flashing in slip up behind the wr. Hopefully there is one. There isn't always but and then you flash the window like you would and the pvc flashing which is often used as a substitute for aluminum. Trim coil for wrapping stock and outdoor applications. The thing about the. It doesn't wrinkle in ben like the the aluminum coil. But you can use this stuff to slip behind the wr being. It's more rigid than trying to put flashing tape or papery. You're softer w are being. It's pretty masonry house. Seemingly seems is much more complicated than yes. The thing is you know if you were doing a wood shingle or collaborate or vinyl sided house. You can easily strip back deciding to the point. Where you get access to w r b and you can slash it in completely very effectively and but with brick. You're sort of working inside the opening and you've got the complication that you've got this This cladding that is holding moisture. And if you don't get it right you're going to be driving moisture into the joints of your framing there. And so think. Mike and his video series makes sloggitt. Who patrick referring to He used a combination of that. Some sort of rigid flashing talking about and i think he used like the three m flex tape to to sort of tie it to the to the window to the jams but in this case at least he's got the pvc Jam which is at least a bit of a barrier between the reservoir the cladding and and the window. And maybe what i would do is in this case since he's not gonna do anything from the outside that the windows in places is If you wanted to pop off the casings from the inside and see if there's enough gap to at least get some good sealant in the as far out towards the end of the window as he can in the thing and that's gonna stop water or air or those. I think possibly both. But i mean for certainly it would it would maybe help like the solar vapor drive. 'cause on a sunny day after a rainy day at brooklynbedding could be driving moisture into any openings in the that are that are protected by a w r b or flashing right. Yes the the peace with mike slog is one of the things. I'm most proud of here in my tenure at fine home building. It's a magazine piece and video series on how to do this and you should look at both because the process is great and video but seeing the Layered drawings in the magazine piece is also very helpful right. It shows you the right way to put the things in in one very accurate Illustration so i would say if you're doing this take a look at those two pieces of content on fine homebuilding dot com. Just w curiosity patrick. Because i was looking for something along these lines On didn't come up with anything. How long ago was that article published to think much has changed that it would warrant somebody else doing it again now. The two thousand twelve was the was the date of the of that article and video series. And the thing is there's a lot of details like that that maybe our our material options have gotten better over the years when techniques are pretty much the same. It's one of the harder things. That remodelers are surcharge. To do correctly right. It's it's not an easy thing to get right. And it's mike's the guy to teach us all how to do it before we go away from this question. I also want to point out. So the photo of the of the kickout Steph flashing on that window over the roof. Basically he was talking. He had a roof need to get that. He had a roof up against a wall. And that's obviously where your step flashing goes and then the roof didn't quite get to the end of the wall into the. The siding was damaged by water. Where the runner. The roof terminated the gutter. But i that. His siding was down almost tight to the roof. And i was looking at some of our flashing articles. And i pulled up one by mike burton and in it he you know he points out that pretty much. All sidings should be kept two inches up a lot of people. Don't like to see the flashing. You want to last. You need to keep it a couple of inches up from the From the roof. Where the steph flashing is and he says he uses coil stock with six inch legs on each end of steph flashing so that he has the room to get it up there because if you buy those little pieces of pre cut step flashing their ridiculous really tiny and they're not really gonna do much. I mean unless you do a good job at taping them where they hide underneath. The siding with white rely on that. They're just not telling us to do a good job. Yeah maybe in arizona. They're fine but this comes from jeff and camped new hampshire high. Fhd podcast crew. My wife and i debate. How clean site should be on. One end of the spectrum is to clean as you go and philly every day this is safer and also saves time looking for tools and materials. That are jumbled up. i'm on the other end of the spectrum leaving all the clean up until the very end to maximize the time. I have to work normally one to two hours in the afternoon before picking up my son from daycare and not spending fifteen minutes. I also think it's the most time efficient to deal with the mess and do periodic big cleans. What do you guys think. I think he keyed in on something right there safety issues if somebody else is working around him and it's a message out site that's a recipe for some kind of accident. I'm a big clean as you got in. There are two types of people in the world. Those who make their bed and those who don't and the ones who are going to go and now i feel are gonna make a big fat mess and cleaning up later and was your assessment. What do you do. What do you think's the best. Use your time I i tend to make a mess and not clean it up as i go but i try and do it. The other way but nobody. What's your nature. Or how about you rob. What's your preferred cleanup town got. It depends on where i'm working and that means whether or not it's a a friend or or clients job or my job for certainly. Because i would never leave clients job messy And it also depends on how much space i have and how quickly i want to get something done like. When i did that siding job i took some very nicely crop photos of the and c three in every direction outside of the frame of that being said If you plan your workspace very if you spend a little extra thought planning your workspace placing your tools Getting some bins or racks or whatever tarps. Whatever it takes if you have an organized jobsite from the start. It makes it a lot easier to not make as big a mess and not be tripping over things into have everything where you need it when you want to talk to you believe that's a time saver to scrambling around looking for stuff right right right where it is but i been at both. I've been at all ends of the spectrum and everywhere in between depending on the job so you guys are gonna trouble believing this and folks who listen to the show for any length of time. We're going to have trouble believing this. But i hate messes around messes. I hated your guy tripping over stuff late tracking sawdust around. I cleaned that up periodically. I dislike. I can't stand it. And i get it from my mom and dad who are the same way. I remember helping my dad on on projects when i was a kid and it used to baffle me. Why he'd be like having the shop backout cleaning up in the middle of a job. And i'm the same way has like i learned a lot from him about how to improvise what i had lying around at an old barn full of so much junk and i would just pick through piles of stuff to make all size of creative projects. When i was a kid. I mean like it was like it was like it was like a cave is dark. No windows thins everywhere and every spring we'd take my dad's van and completely fill in ticket to the dump with stuff that he had collected over the past year. It was in the way. And so you can kind of get my work the smile and you and matt were teasing me about my recent kitchen remodeling where i had all my tools like pilot and little piles and the floor was all swept up and admittedly. That's an exception. Because you need your kitchen if you're if you have only one so and you need to make food especially now so get your masses affecting other people. You should factor that in for sure and as rob suggested. It's an entirely different equation. When you're working for somebody that they don't like masses and you need to be very cognizant of that and it just makes you look more professional if you if anybody walks into a job site piles on the god. I see this all the time like youtube videos. A builders in it's like you can't even see the ground around the foundation of the house. It's just covered scraps of plywood and it's just it's it's just looks unprofessional. And it's dangerous few times in recent memory. I've stopped by jobsites unannounced. Just because sometimes you get content that way. Hey what are you doing interesting. And i can tell within thirty seconds if it's going to be the right person for fine home building based on how organized their job site is and how they've set up their work as rob suggests if if everything is happening everywhere i know. They're are not the person for us focused. Yeah agreed jeff. Had another question. I think people get sucked into trends without even realizing it trends come and go like subway tile which is on the along with white cabinetry the excuses that it is timeless what about open concept plank tile floors white walls accent wallpaper will the trends returned to smaller rooms wall to wall carpet and bold wall colors. I hope not. However i will say this open concept thing the idea of smaller rooms. I don't know it gets an awful knock. I think we've talked about this before. I think open concept is the right way to go in every situation but it sure seems like. That's the first thing people do. When the remodeling their house opening it up opening up right great and open concept plan really depends on the family and how you use your house. I would imagine. I mean because like like when we have people over to our house. The kitchen is closed off from the rest of the house. And everybody wants to be in the kitchen and its tiny as we've got a living room dining room and it's like if we had a big a an open. I i think concepts work for the space that you have people over in like. I don't think it'll how test to be open concept. But i think having like your dining room and kitchen connected but then again what that means right. Kitchen living room and dining room are all related to one another. It's not like the bedrooms and other rooms are related. That's really what that means right. It's always the same story. We really liked to cook and entertain so we want all those rooms to connects. There's room for everybody. But there are a lot of downsides to open concept. I don't think people think about or talk about much It's hard to arrange furniture right. You get this huge massive space. You want delineate the spaces and make their functions claire. But it's difficult to do that and make it less walls for and there's no privacy and i think it's interesting like rob. I love walking through your house. It's such a it's like a den of what's the route. Also one of my favorite guards. I've ever been in people. Think of a yard as like this big lawn with a perimeter of plantings right. That's the most people think of as a yard New oakland california had this tiny like quarter acre garden and you could spend hours in their garden and nazi every corner every part of it and it was because it was basically a cluster of outdoor rooms and so. Yeah i if you're going to have if you're not if you're going to have a less open concept house at least make sure that the rooms that you the rooms matched the size and use that you want them to so i love it. I would be fine if my kitchen was like another fifty hundred square feet. Because then there would be room for people to congregate in there. You know. I hope to god. That wall to wall carpet is not come back because that is just gross. Not even the shag carpet. That nice you like three inch pile are engine. Blew and rob. You and i are nearly the same age kylie to leave. I remember that being all the rage as a kid. And i remember like seeing people raking. They're freaking carpet. Makes no sense. Imagine imagine everything that's in the bottom of three inch pile carpet jeff. Did you ever live with shag. Carpeting not real shag carpeting. But our next door neighbors had it and after a couple of years all mad disgusting. So this guy's point though jeff's point. I do think there are some trends that circle back like gold collar walls. You can see that coming again. You know everything comes around. Not everything. But i think things that have worse than ours. The hate the word timeless but some trends come and go and stay gone and others. I think return. I think it's going to be hard to ever like for white tile to go out of fashion. I mean that was started in the victorian period. Ray and it's like that's that's just what the color of tile and it but you know but in kitchens for the past ten years it's been gradually becoming this standard thing because it's one it's easy and it's clean and you know it's easy to design around it and but the thing is you know it's i think it's just getting people are getting bored. You know like my my daughter is like the biggest architect critics. She's fourteen years old and she's the one who's like pointing out that like as we love modern houses and there's so many that are just over there so many details that are overdone. And it's like. I think there are some things. That can be timeless. I mean i lived in a town for years. Where there's just a lot of old properties with sort of like old details and had no idea how what differentiates them from from the stuff that comes in and out of style but i do believe there are certain things that that can be timeless. Just don't know how you define what they are if they stick around this how you figure out what observations really what it comes down to. I want to do one more question and we're going to run over time. Hopefully jeff doesn't have anywhere to be but we're gonna we're gonna do it because This comes from jim in hartland wisconsin. I think it's just a really good question. F hp podcast team. I'm doing a gut reynaud on our story. Seventy's built home with two by four wall. Construction here in wisconsin zone six. I'm going much improved. Air sealing semi wall system will be taped zipped sheathing on the outside mineral wool insulation on the wall cavity and tallow plus on the inside. I'm contracting the outside work and doing the majority of the inside work myself. Originally planned to do two inches of rigid insulation on the exterior with rain screen but despite our coal climate not an abundance of contractors with any experience or interested in doing this work we've heard this over and over again right people. Just don't want the hassle of putting foam on the exterior of houses roofers. Don't wanna put it on roofs. I'm not great at heist. Nor do i have any equipment to work at heights. Other than an extension ladder. So this'll be a challenge for me to do an entire twenty seven hundred square foot house myself since the intel oh installation instructions recommend furring out the walls after the intel is installed. Had me thinking. I could just do. A bond fit wallace emily and install some additional insulation between the furring strips to get my value up. My question to the team. Is this if i wanted to use it. Our sheathing rip down in furring strips. What having only seven sixteenths in thick to attach drywall. Trim etc be problematic. And lou of one by woodstock this method was suggested by mike mains and a fine honing slash. Gb post. but i couldn't find anything posted where someone actually used this method. Other than steve bond figure though he himself the only person i'm aware of that ever did a bond fig wall was rob did but not sure how we execute it one of the zip. Our choices would be seven sixteen inch with one and one half inches pollyanna so foam board which would be effectively. Give me the final two by six dimension. Wall my motivation for this choice to fill facilitate standard door and window sizes used for two by six wall assembly. Thanks for your help. And the informative entertaining pad podcasts. You produce so is ripped zip are sheathing good for a bond. Figley oli wall. Let's go around the room here. okay. Jeff go i. I don't see why not go ahead kylie. What do you think you just seems to me. Like his question is is it thick enough to get a hold screws nails pick. I like plywood or solid stock better than be for this application You know. I don't think you save a lot with the foam already. Attached to the sheathing. I mean that's really what you're talking about is that is that enough to make this worth experimenting with right instead of the bond fig wall which uses strips of eps and won by three furring strips strapping as we call it in new england So i would think the strapping would be better for holding screws especially with trim. Drywall cares because the screws only go in about three quarters of an inch anyway. So i don't know. Yeah i'd say i mean you're not going to be hanging anything weightwise from it. I mean you're basically if you're talking about just walls and not a cathedral ceilings. Or something. Like that. I i would. I wouldn't be worried about it at all. I mean i. I i and he says he has anybody who did anything like that my attic. I actually did. Strips of half inch plywood. Xps to do basically the same thing and it's kind of situation. I don't think it's worth experimenting. Why not do something that we know. Words right like what happens when you start getting screw pops a year or two from now. It's going to be a hard fixed rate. So i i would say work with the tested assembly. I think plywood is actually in my opinion. The best material because unless you do wide strips of of inferring strips using the crappiest would right. And and if you're driving screws through hundreds of screws through a furring strip or doesn't screw throwing strip in. The chances of its splitting are pretty pretty. Good but a pizza. Decent You know cheating plywood even cd axe right. Yeah yeah the cheapest you know plywood you can you can buy. I think is probably better than you know. Take your Circular saw or table saw whatever. Rip it into a bunch of strips and but it on their personally. I i would feel comfortable with the with the by means suggestions. Zip are but. I don't know i mean you could probably buy the cheap plywood and the eps for less less than you could buy this far. It seems like was one is more labor intense a steph and if you wanna do ep s you know the the fluffy white installation instead of xps which is really easy to cut with a knife for the saw it's crumbly and So i think we've talked about this in the pockets. It's like you know you can get hot wire cutters for for. Ups foam which makes a really nice gesture done this. Yeah or if you ever just a really sharp thin thin blade. I think you can do a good job you could. You could put you can make a jig cutting certainly with plywood to pressure on it to keep it from crumbling just in reviewed a circular saw blade and i believe the manufacturer with spider with a why and he doesn't have any teeth on it but it is specifically made for cutting foam and making less of a mask while cutting foam. So i'll put a link to that. I haven't used it so i don't know what it's like but as you call it was he liked it aggravated of people actually using a tile or metal or masonry like diamond blades. For that same. Same idea where you're using a disc that's basically Doesn't have any teeth that are gonna grab the foam and chop it up. Yeah waste material. Doing not too right. If you don't get a clean cut. Yeah but it makes a huge mess. Jim i hope you'll keep us posted on your project. It sounds like a great way to improve the energy efficiency of your home Curious to hear what you decided to do. Based you know if you take our feedback into account or not. It's i would love to hear what you do. It's a cool project. Wish you great success rob. We should remind folks we're going to have some special editions of the podcast for the builders show. Is that right yes We've we've got a bunch of bunch of budgets have gone for the builder show but You're you're more involved in those podcasts. Who have the guests on. Those things sill brian. euler of pioneer. Builders is going to be on the show daily to talk about the stuff. He's found the show. I'm hoping my gert and also do that same thing. I emailed him over the new year's holiday an uncharacteristically. I have not heard from him so i hope he'll do that. Mike if you're listening you haven't responded by email. Yes shame mike on on on the and yeah we're also fernando fernandez He's gonna be blogging from the from the show to It's gonna be interesting experience to see how this whole thing pans out. Because it's like i'm never seen a virtual event of this scale done before. I think it's very curious. Like what is gonna what what is virtual trade show. That's very odd concept to me the dates did you give those. Let's see how you remember kylie. This is the time of the show where we asked rob things. He doesn't know were crap. Oh great for anyone listening. I suppose like looked at up to february nine. Now let's While while the builder show the february not february ninth to twelfth is the virtual show and you know what. I will make sure that i do my homework and figure out what's going on that show. I've kind of been you know at a out of it for the past vacation. I wanna read So for the past few weeks we've been asking listeners to Please send us an email and describing. Who you'd like to interview on the podcast. This is going to be something. We do for the fortieth anniversary of the brand. And i think it's going to be a lot of fun. We've gotten emails from several folks. But i was gonna read One this morning because this is the second person who's requested this individual. So i'm going to this launch into this just finished watching your latest podcast on youtube as always. It was great entertainment and highly educational. I'd like to put my name in the hat for interviewing an f. h. b. contributor editor. I've been a huge fan of john. Carroll's books i think is hands down the best educator on print when it comes to the art of homebuilding he's a building scientists but explains construction skills and techniques in a way. That's incredibly clear concise and thorough all at the same time having a chance to thank him and ask him. A few questions would be an honor so those folks who listen to the show who are not familiar with john carroll's work. You should totally check it out. John is one of the most versatile of our contributors. he is a skilled mason and builder. Which usually don't go together but he's done. Lots of content over several decades for the magazine and his book on working alone is a taunton standard and always in our bestselling list so it is a very good book and Worth checking out. If you've not seen it. I feel like there's another book that justin used to refer to all the time i don't think it was that one that you just mentioned. What's his other big book because no the title of it. It's like oh. are you talking about renovation. that's mike litchfield per ounce. No i'll have to look it up. Okay i'm looking it up as author page here. He did working alone complete visual guide to building. That's the one complete building. How in fact incorporated a whole bunch of his excerpts from his Framing book in in our recent framing guide so Find some good articles by him. That are pretty recent on the site. Well part of my intent reading this email is that hopefully. john carroll listens to this show. I don't have any expectation that he does but John we want you on the podcast. We'd love to talk to you about your contributions to the fine home building brand over the years and your experience and i think that i forget who sent this email i apologize but john john interviewing john carroll would be awesome cigarettes idea. You guys have anything to add and you ask or tell our listeners. Before we go. I know i. It's probably not out by the time. This thing airs yet but pretty soon. We're going to have the wiring project. God done so We're what's that bedroom wiring is you know ev- every single article video we've ever done. Plus a bunch of book excerpts Actually dozens and dozens of books excerpts About how to safely do any kind of wiring project in in and around your house. I would think that that would be the most nerve wrack of substrates that it's fantastic. You don't even know it's awesome. Sounds but still. It's certainly is intimidating to a lot of people and you have to. It's one of the. I mean everything you do and bill homebuilding super careful because there's always an opportunity to injure or burn your house down or whatever but But yeah so we actually have to be super careful in this guide to clearly state. All of the safety concerns throughout throughout the guide. Because you have to be careful especially when you're working in the panel but really when you're working on any any. I voltage wiring We've had some pretty awesome Elections contribute over the years and be great to see all of their work place. I'm not going to belabor this subject but you know why love a wiring. Kylie patrick wires go virtually anywhere compared to pipes and ducts. You know you're talking about something. That's five eighths of an inch like to do most electrical wiring in a residential setting any like five tools and they all fit in a pouch. And it's so beautiful and it's very satisfying and clean work. I mean it's it's like it's it the same reason why people like math and science. Because it's like there's there's a. There's a very specific way to get the job done. And when you're an when you're done it's like something really impressive is going on. You have light. you can see unlike plumbing electrons. Don't care about gravity they go. Everywhere they pressure is created at the power plant. And they'll go over your house up and down. They don't care there's no you know running out of room for slope and it's fantastic. Well unfortunately that is all the time we offer today. Thanks to highly rob and jeff for joining me. Thanks to all of you for listening. Please remember to send us your questions. Comments and suggestions to f hp podcast at taunton dot com and please comment or of us however listening helps other folks find our podcast folks. I've been paying attention to the podcast apple apple podcasts platform looking for reviews and we haven't gotten any while we do that. Thanks stay safe. Everybody keep craft alive and happy building.

cabinet kylie katherine katherine Rob rob vermont Patrick mccomb Rob watts kylie jacques Mike mains Bob swinburne Parche joyner rob catherine Barbara barbara Jeff rose Patrick
182 - Playing Without a Partner with Megan Stubbs

Turn Me On

1:09:39 hr | 3 months ago

182 - Playing Without a Partner with Megan Stubbs

"I look bed. that's really firm. Something a little softer than that rest. Easy the sleep number three sixty smart bet you can both the just your comfort with sleep number setting. Yeah it really helped me fall asleep faster. Yes by gently warming your feet. Okay but can it help keep us asleep it senses your movements automatically adjust to keep you ever comfortable sleepnumber proven quality. Sleep is life changing sleep now. During the ultimate sleep number event save fifty percent on the sleep number three sixty limited edition smart smartphone plus special financing on all smart beds only for a limited time special financing subject to credit approval minimum monthly payments required. See store for details little baby ready for a new week of podcasting with a brand new brand spanking new term. Podcasts brand. I love it. I'm really excited. It's been in the works for a long time and And if you haven't seen it yet then you can Head on over to well Patriot dot com slash dirtyjohn. We'll see r. sir new colors and image there. You can see it on instagram on our website. Podcast dot com right now if you look at your phone or whatever you're listening to this on it's ass it's faces. We moved away from the old The old Finger bang bang and image of p v or. It could be a be as well. I guess it yeah that's true. That's kind of how as justifying to myself. When i when i sort of noticed that it was out of date for the range of topics that we talk about the old school. Pnv finger in the. But i was like it could be a butthole and here's actually that brings in bottles a lot so it definitely could be a bottle. But then you'd have to squeeze your you'd have to squeeze you'd have to be not so much fingertip to thumbed up you'd have to sort of cinnamon bun your fingers in a circle. Create an anus tight acting news Yeah well i mean we've been talking. We've been talking about it At least for a little bit where you know. The podcast is now faulk. It's like it's like four years old. yeah you know. He'd been around since Like valentine's day for years ago. I think as we restarted and things have evolved things of sort of changed a little bit like it. When we first started a lot of our episodes. Were like tell us. Tell us what you're shoveling europe. Just wild wild. Like i just wanted to know what's wild sex that people are having but now it's it it really has evolved more into like we still get some of that stuff but there's a lot more like tell us tell us how you're taking care of yourself you know like That sorta shit so it's You know with the with the evolution of the podcasts sort of migrating away from sensationalized sexualize stuff and more towards. I don't fucking new thought. For thought i guess. Yeah well i was thinking about this. My walk here thinking about how couple of the conversations we've had lately have have really touched on mental health. Particularly one will come out next week but talking about like the the the dsm's of the diagnostic manual of of of like like psychological mental. Seeing how many sex related things are in there. Yeah that yeah. I mean so again. This is next week's episode with laura zam but we did talk about and that was actually something that i didn't quite know until we were talking to her. Yeah me neither but it really made me think about mental health as and sex more than ever how they play in to each other because you know with being sick the last couple of months and really dealing with some like you know you low emotional stuff i and then having that conversation which again will come out next week lorazepam. I think started to see that. Perhaps more than i was willing to recognize before or more than like i felt like i could justify before that i may have been existing. My entire life would like some low level anxiety and depression. That may have played into who. I am as a sexual being. Because you know as much as we've been having these conversations and like be pretty frank about our own experiences like the truth is that i don't really consider myself to be sexually empowered. And i i don't really feel like i have a handle on on a healthy sex life for me and it's sort of almost like buried underneath all this work that we do to put out this gas and all these conversations put out there because it's in my life a lot more than like the average person with research and talking all that stuff but But the amount of sex that i have in my life is still. I don't i don't think sufficient and in masturbation as well like just that those practices as overwhelmed service to like mental health it. It's almost overwhelming. When i think of like oh now i gotta fuck fucking take care of that thing like it's just another ball in the air that i've got to keep up there. So you're saying is you talk the talk but you don't walk the walk. I don't think i do. But i mean you do it like when you say do you when you were. You were just saying there about that. You feel like having low underlining sort of anxiety has prevented you from being you're like fullest most authentic sexual self. Do you mean that. Your libido has taken takes a toll or do you just be or do you mean in in more in a more grander scale of like you. You don't you don't even know but you don't have it. You don't have a very good grasp on like who you are as a sexual be no. That's a really good question. Because like i think there's so many layers like will like this podcast of all we both like. We evolve. Who who we are sexually and had like. I've had some really empowering sexual experiences and have felt really empowered at lots of times but where the word that trips me up. All the time is lido. Like i don't even really know what that means. Because i think i have no trouble so You know. I kind of looked into a little bit to the dsm and like what female like arousal disorder would be and it has a whole bunch of criteria which will get into next week. But i i looked to that. I was like yeah. I don't think i have like a a mental illness. That specifically fucking me up sexually but with like a low level of anxiety or depression there. It's just like whether it's meditating or whether it's masturbating there's an effort that has to be made to like take care of yourself in that way you have to make the effort to sit on your meditation kushner. You have to make the effort to on your dildo exactly and you know like i. You know. I have one sex toy in my life and it's currently out of batteries but batteries. What fucking sex toys them batteries vibrator twenty twenty one. What am i supposed to do well. It has to plug it into the wall necessarily well. Yeah that's i mean are you are you are we talking about aaa batteries. Yes why is that so weird to you. I think that is in. i think. That's an obsolete. Look i could be wrong could be fucking totally wrong. I those i raiders. Don't plug into the wall. I think i'm sorry you bought an old no i. It's also used this. It was a wish dot com. Where are you getting your sex toys. I i've i honestly i don't remember when bought a sex toy. It was a lifetime. I've had it probably at least a decade yet. Dude you know why because it takes batteries. Jesus christ i didn't realize that was so old. Schooling i know sexual is now are like are. You know it's like you. You you plop it on one of those fucking things you get from kia that charge your phone on a desk. You know you just lay it on a on a base in charge. You should solar charge. Well i didn't know that. But i definitely i you know masturbation month coming up. Masturbation month is in may may so what does that mean. does that just mean we just. It's just like go fucking hog wild and masturbate. I think it can be whatever you want. I feel like our guest That we are going to throw you later. This this This episode Megan stubbs who specializes i. Guess one could say in in living the single life Don't don't want you to take that the wrong way. She'll she'll go into that a little bit more but She would probably have a whole hell of a lot safer what one could and might want to do during masturbation month. Yeah it's a great. It's it's a great thought so she wrote a book All about what. It is to be a single and fabulous. Just run the name of a here. But i want to actually jeremy since you do all the medical stuff over and your other podcasts. What are the acronyms after. Her name mean d. e. d. an acs not as mean you d- d is educated danzal. That sounds about right. She's a educated damsel. and what was the other one. the other one is A cs is one capitalized over. The other all triple are capitalized. What do they call that nominal soest. Acs accredited accredited australian computer society for it. Now it's not that. I was gonna say a credited con specialist. Ooh i feel like That that is that rubs some people are well and it doesn't rub me the wrong way. I think i can't find the answers to that. But she made a fucking email. Don't don't you worry hopefully hopefully educate us. She's a sex and relationship columnist as well with for playboy. I didn't know that we didn't get into that a d. Follow her on instagram. And instagram's fucking riot megan's dubs check her out on instagram. It's great yeah. Her book is called playing without a partner. And basically i love i love. It hasn't come out yet. It comes out on may eleventh which is great for masturbation month You can add it to your your list questions today l. Yeah but the the fact that she also has a link in her link tree off of instagram for sex toys. So she's she's got a a like a partnership vibrators dot com and how many of those toys take aaa batteries. Well i wish we. I wish we'd had this conversation before we talked to her. So i could ask her about my. I could be wrong. But i feel i feel like that's kind of sort of eh out of date thing i mean i'm radley's in general or kind of beat becoming obsolete. Everything is rechargeable and it should be that way if feel like batteries are a big waste either. Huge racer serves super bad. But i'm looking at all of these images vibrators and they see no cords. So i don't. I think we're just gonna show you the cords. I don't mean they're not the cords. I just bought a one recently. And it's and it's. It's a cordless rechargeable one so in runs outta batteries you take out basically the exact same chargers your phone. Yeah plug that into. It plugged into the wall and leonard. Charge for our all right. What toys you have that are. Do you have toys. That are just that you use for masturbation. No i've never actually used a toy for masturbation for myself. I say that. With a caveat. In that i used i have used things. There was a thing that i think. I've talked on the show but there was a thing that i that i had to use for my lungs. It's a call the precursor and so the idea is that because people have a lot of mucus in their lungs. Physiotherapy aka like banging on your chest is one of the treatments that they commonly used for people with cf and so. They've made a machine that does that essentially for you. This is little cop on the end of this like big black sort of it. Looks like a fucking vibe. It looks like a sex toy. I mean it does but it has like a jock looking like jok cup. It's not even jock it's like. It's like a suction. It looks like a miniature plumber or a plunger so a little suction cup and it goes below below so he can change. How how fast goes. I used to take that and just ramming against the head of my dick when i was a kid and be like. Wow ooh if you wanna see what that looks like we You can head on over to patriots dot com slash japan so But other than that. I've never had a flesh late. I would love to try one so we. This is not a paid advertisement however we have run ads for in tampa pleasurable. 's and through that. I just fallen in love with them. As a as a company may have a wonderful little boutique over on the west coast make lube and their lubes my favorite lube right now. really nice. They also have a they also have a It's like a lube but it's it's specifically for premenstrual like cramping and stuff usually read on your belly before like the week leading up to your period or so so they're instagram in tim o. Pleasurable boutique i think on his They will like feature toys in stories ruin while and they've been they've been like showing these these toys for people with penises And they're like they're kind of like flashlights. I guess i guess it would be considered a flesh even if that's like if that's still what the term is but The like these crazy almost like like h g. Geiger esque pieces of art. Were there like these weird. It's as tunnel with like this crazy intricate like flick nipples and and little like finger things inside and so they fill it with lube. And the like they'll they'll i don't know like stick their hand in fuck their hand is just show you how it works and i'm going. I gotta try that that looks. It's kinda like it. It sort of reminds me of like The free you know the first time. I ever had sex on md. Ama where i was. I was a little scared to do it. Because i was like. What if i fucking ruined sex forever right. If that it might be so good if it's show ecstatic that sex will never be as good. It's not the truth however it is amazing like having sex drugs amazing. It's unlike anything but it doesn't take away from how good sex can be. So i know that the sex toy thing probably is that it although there is a small part of me. That's like what. If what. If what if i fuck this little sleeve thing and i'm like good by other bodies right. I don't need anyone had to look up that artist it's h. r. Geiger geiger h. g. h. r. geiger. Gigo and behind alien. That is some wild looking art. Very very sexualize yelich. It made me while you were talking. Because i was sort of like my brain divided in went over to like google. This artists i was thinking about. I was imagining that. You're talking about like like some sort of some sort of thing you would insert your penis and ju- but then but then you could also insert it into a of jonah or butthole from there and it would it would it. Would there would be like the penis but then there would also be other tentacles like like. You're like sectioning like an octopus onto partners. Like end sounds fun. It sounds kinda cool. Attended a sex toy for anyone who is Who is Watching this episode or wants to watch the four play episodes you can do that on patriot dot com slash termi on. But i'm just going to throw here to some hd geiger look at the fucking wild. Look at that i mean. This is like intense intense. Aren't i it. Just just google it real quick and look at what you see and it's like a lot of really spooky stuff very spooky and and this dark dark in weird like anyway was there was other stuff you to well. Yeah i thought well. I just thought because we i sort of had asked megan and episode of. She knew much about like the history of of like the spinster. Oh yeah meth. And just help me do. The spinster is the spinster. Like the perfect. Like the the the archetype of of like the the person namely in the times like the woman who just couldn't or just did or didn't want to like i think umbrellas all of those things so it it. It was just used to describe a single woman who was old enough to get married and didn't okay okay okay And it definitely. The words spinster has old. It's definitely old fashioned. I think it's now it's now considered sort of derogatory term over cult someone a spinster Get cancelled well. You know what. I don't know because when you put it like when you when you name it as an archetype broke i think it can be really useful word right. Yeah but what. If i was like your fucking spinster but yeah you shouldn't say anything to anyone like that unless you wanna make them feel like shit garage. That's just seems mean totally so basically so when spent stir i entered english in the mid thirteen hundreds of referred to a woman who spun thread and yarn so they were often like lower class women who had to work low. Glass jar. low clash makes me think of rumpelstiltskin. Play 'cause isn't that whole story about like he there's this there's this woman who who's like like spinning gold yarn or something like she's like spinning yarn and he's like if you say Of what it is like you say my name can be. I don't fuck remember. We'll have to look this up. It really creepy old story. I would love to to actually dig that backup up and brush off and look at it but there was something with him with the with him where she had to give him. Her child child something like that. He was like if you can't leave this room full of gold gold gold yarn. I will steal your babies. She was like fighting almost spencer. I got this shit now. I think he granted her wishes. Or something i think she got wishes. Taylor taylor. what's this rumpelstiltskin. What was that story all that. Yeah trey he's like you gotta be in this room and so me. Golden golden right yearn. Well sounds like it was something about stealing a baby. Though he was and he was he was like a troll. He was like he had dwarfism or something. Yeah he was like definitely not a human human. He's i mean. I picture him as a leprechaun but nasty leprechaun like the movie. You know what i bet. If h g Laggard drew him. It would be the scariest rumble. Skelton you ever seen But i wanted to also because we love words so much I wanted to just unpack that. The the The word spinster a little bit more. Let's do it okay So a woman who spins or whose occupation is spin and by law an unmarried or single woman by eighteen hundreds by eighteen. Hundreds determined evolved to include women. Who chose not to mary. And it didn't include let's say widows what's different category. That's definitely a a different category Now i wanted to give you a few a few synonyms. Just in case you want mix up your vocabulary when you call someone a akin okay. So the source dot com gives us a bachelor girl fucking bachelor girl and you know what that's funny because i was like the the male equivalent girl isn't it bachelorette i don't know because bachelorette almost see show is i know but bachelorette they're getting paired off and the only word for for the male. The male version of of spinster is bachelor and it's like stubai binary yeah okay. Fuddy-duddy four in fuddy-duddy. That's my new word. Fuddy-duddy you are such a fucking fuddy-duddy yes i am. I am now anytime going to get angry behind the wheel yet. Fuddy-duddy well off yeah. Are you calling spinster. You just call them a federal call. Numa fuddy-duddy it implies a negative qualities such as being fussy or undesirable. Fuddy-duddy feels so good in. What am i p. My new favorite word fuddy-duddy. You've never heard that no. I didn't even know that was a word. What buddy buddy. Okay made that up now. It's here on the source dot com. Somebody else made it up forty. There's more here you're gonna like this so goody goody let's let's that doesn't that doesn't compete with well. There might be like an aspect of the spinster thing where it's like put. Yeah yeah opposite of of like a loose woman. Loss lou know who caused slats loot. I really love it. snooty buddy. Lone woman maiden again that's a whole other. Archetype prig prig. That does not. I've man you call someone a pig. They don't even know what you're saying to them. They're still going to be offended. They're gonna be one hundred percent gig your get outta here you preg- yeah okay so okay. Here's another old store. Here's an old school. I'm katherine katherine. And oh jeez okay. So for all katherine katherine nets was a traditional four traditional french label for women. Twenty five years old. Who were still unmarried by the feast of saint catherine on the twenty fifth of november. A special celebration was offered to them on this day and everyone wished them a swift end to their single status. Okay all right Okay then we have medieval single which that's just. That's one of the words. Spinster medieval single woman single women and single women owned fuddy-duddy thirty. Okay jahan's up okay. Here's one that actually. So i clicked on this. It was the wikipedia heading for this. Was she never married but it redirected too. He never married so i'm going to read. I'm going to read this. Because i found really interesting. He never married was a phrase commonly used by bitchy wary riders in the united kingdom euphemism for the for the deceased having been homosexual. Whoa wow interesting so if you so if you read a bit jewelry. And it was like and thomas middle ditch. He never married. Everyone's like oh yeah he was a gay. Yeah a similar phrase used mills. Did they did they well. I guess you probably wouldn't know this. Are they making assumptions. Are they going. Well thomas never actually married probably probably fucking. He's probably fucking gay but you never married. Yeah i would say probably could also say it was a confirmed bachelor. That was another waves in the day. Yeah a confirmed bachelor yet. And i don't know why he winter. So fucking weird it must have been used similarly for for the. She never married because she never married. Doesn't have its own wikipedia thing it just redirects to. He never married but anyway. Here's another girl this just that just goes to show how much science doesn't care about women they don't wanna give you the wikipedia page for sure. Never married to read it okay. Here's this one's chinese. Shang new which means leftover women or leftover ladies showing new. Yeah it has been also used. Colloquial to colloquially to refer to women in india north america and other parts of asia leftover women. Yeah what do you think about that like leftover like. They didn't get paired up. They just got. They were just there after the leftover pile. That's a i. I hope no one ever gets called. Shang knew that hurts my heart and that that's basically all. I could find out if any that made you bummed out if you're listening to this and you're like i'm fucking shane new. I'm a fuddy-duddy. I'm a i'm a. I'm a confirmed bachelor. If you're feeling like fuck. I'm single and that doesn't make me feel good to hear these derogatory shitty words. I'm telling you right now. This conversation stubs will pick you up and make you feel like beyond say when she kicked through the fucking doors and won a grammy for that song. All the single. I don't know if grandma for that song but she just she. She's swept grammy. So let's yes she did so so i this is. This episode is for all a single people and all of our couple people. Because i only a couple of people. I took a lot away from this conversation to especially just about like being an autonomous human being and like happy and in love with my own life settling yeah that's another another good one there and also the reminder that that one thing that that i think that vibe read that single people want that married people are couple of people trapped that they fall into is like it reduces or social circle. Because suddenly they're sort of like it's less intentional. You don't have to make plans would be just kind of always have someone there to hang out with so the idea like i've really taken that home and thought about it since we chatted with megan because the idea of just like a wait a second like my life. My friends like my circle there. That's all really important. How i show up in the world and then our show my partnership second anyway. Yeah yeah. And i think we all we all know those people in their lives where it's like. They got new relationship and you sort of really heard from again sort of like drifted away. They come up out of the. They've been submerged in like child rearing and suddenly. You're like oh my god. We've fell away from one another Was there anything else you wanted to hit before we started this conversation and things dubs versus week then folks. That is it for this week. We hope you enjoyed our little intro there. Hey if you like these foreplay segments and you wanna watch silliness And the seriousness. You can go to patriotdepot dot com slash termine where we are publishing all of our four play segments on video and to oliver patrons who have been helping us and supporting us through the years through these four years of where we've been here and through this evolution. We think you there's some changes coming up to the podcast and You know i think for the better and And were glad to have you along this journey with us. Oh thank you for everything that you've done so far. Yeah it means a lot. Thank you so much. that That leads to throwing to our conversation with none other than meghan stabs. The the woman who is all about being single and making it awesome awesome as we hope. You enjoy this conversation with megan steps. We've been really looking forward to chatting with and say heard about your book Which is called playing without a partner a singles guide to sex dating and happiness. And i just gonna be totally forthcoming here and say that we re recorded last week with someone on the subject of fantasies. And i'm going to tie that in with our conversation today because in in my dark moments in relationships fantasize about being single and it's not about like going out there and getting all this ex- it's just like having like no nobody tell me what to do and so i'm really looking forward to having this conversation i was. I was just kind of catching the end of a podcast that you were speaking on before. And it's it's a much broader umbrella the single life. Then i think i previously would have thought so. Would you be willing to tell our listeners who you are and what how you identify as a single person and a little bit about what brought you to write this book. Yeah absolutely so. I'm dr begging stugz. i'm a sexologist. Since the job you didn't career day. I've been hash eggs super single for a long time and it was kind of just like i don't know destiny to write this book because the publisher was looking for a book on this topic and i was like go on. This is my life like you know. All about yeah. I'm like the expert you needed. So it's a fun combination of my own personal life with my professional life. All mixed into one cohesive book for people to read enjoy on whether they are single or partner too. I think there's a lot of Valuable information in there. That can be taken away if you are an apartment relationship but just really just building up yourself and feeling good about the situation that you're in at at the end of the day we're all kind of single people trying to make it work with other people. At the end of the day. I mean equals your eyes. It's just uniquely like you have to be happy with your situation i. I'm i'm dying to know was the say i feel like this book probably would be a pretty valuable for for anyone at any point in their life currently where we are in in this state of the world i feel like this book is coming is coming coming to to folks that are really like opportune time Because we you know it's one thing to be single and to navigate that lifestyle during regular times. But then i feel like it's a whole other fucking ballgame to navigate that lifestyle during a global pandemic. How do you feel like do you feel like is incredible timing before before we ended up where we are here today. Oh no it was written during the pandemic those people. You're one of those people who wrote a book the pandemic doing that. Then how did the. How much did the the current state that we find ourselves in play a role within the within the narrative of the book itself like did did did did you. Did you feel like the pandemic was kind of having a an effect on do you think. Okay i'm sorry. Let me let me rephrase that. Do you think the book would have been much different if you had written it in pre pandemic times. No i don't think it'd be vastly different Because i was reading it during the pandemic i was still renting it. From point of view of like what normative lake would be like but as the year went on we were able to add in not fun facts but facts about the pandemic and how. It's impacting people and to put that into the book to give. I guess perspective comparison because this book it's still coming out during legal pandemic so the information is still applicable to pandemic times and and non pandemic times. One of the questions. This is just gonna going to take us back in time. Even pre pandemic one of the questions. We like to ask our guests right off. The top is is basically. What your origin story in terms of like you said sexologist doesn't it's not there on career day so who. Who was it like for you growing up sorta discovering sexuality and ultimately choosing this as a field that you'd like to go into or sure. Yeah i was always that friend. You'd go to ask about sex stuff sexy bites relationship advice. I was a reader. And still like i mean. My office is always looks right. Now i'll color coded. I love it the rainbow thing And i was just always just thirsty for that knowledge because you know changing bodies and like you know feelings and talking with my girlfriends about boys and stuff it was just like we're not having conversations in school so it's like we got to go. You know four trail here so growing up. That was me. I was at friend and we get into college or high school. And you know we're starting to expand more into like manual sex and oral sex and talking about things like blow jogging and so having those discussions with friends. The knowledge just kept growing and growing and at that time. It was like you know you're going to college. What do you do for real job. And it was blake. I'm super good at science. So let's go to school to be a medical doctor. So i went to undergrad and got a sorry. I went to undergrad. And then i had a biology degree. Pack the premed emphasis and that was going great until they're taking chemistry classes and chemistry. And i did not mix. It was not degree time. And that was my first class ever and i was like oh in the wake up call like i can't be a medical doctor should have slogged through and done the required chemistry classes but it was like sucking my soul and i was just like this at this doesn't feel rate so i was actually reading cosmo and i saw the word sexologist just randomly one day and it wasn't until i was like sexologists. Is that even a real job. 'cause like i never see i mean. I've probably seen the word before. Never like thought about like biologists sexologists sex And so i googled on my dial back then to see like. Is that like a job. You can do things and i found one of the few graduate schools in the country the time the offer graduate degrees and human sexuality and i was like. Oh my god. This is my destiny even more so than a medical doctor. So after graduating with undergrad degree in biology i went out to california and got my doctor and human sexuality and i was like this is like the perfect fit like is me loses ultimately like my destiny. The perfect fit. That's a really good way to put it. Given some of the conversation. I was hearing about Not settling which. I'd like to get you later. So did you did. You did your friends or your family have anything to say about you. Going off to be a sexologist. They were like this fits tracks expense. You know so is able to combine my own anecdotal experiences and stories and then get the like educational perspective and like all. That's why like. Oh that's what's going on here. So i really value people who can share their own stories because there's nothing like having your experiences but also to having the knowledge base speak on these things feel like during the pandemic times everyone bahama coach hold up to have graduate degrees or something in human sexuality but you have to have done more work than i had a threesome wants to let me tell you all the reasons like whoa slow down always identify as a super single even all through those high school and college years you know there were some false starts and their relationships of course but for the last couple of years it's been like super single man on how much of your your background as a sexologist like has played into your own personal story of of you know being a for lack of a better term like professional single person. You know like. I like to write a guide on how on how to how to like. Live your best life as a single person. A guide to to sex dating happiness as a single person is is the work that you've done a sexologist like did that play a lot in your own personal life or or or were you or did you actually spend a lotta time like doing self work in terms of trying to figure out you know the the best ways to live your life as a single person. Yeah i would say my background is exiled definitely has impacted my personal life. Because i can't help but try and live out the teachings i learn also now teach In my own life. Because i don't want to settle so fi tell people don't settle and i'm over here not settling and so it's just really like living kind of like walking the walk I do want to be in a relationship. I'm not trying to be single forever. It just happens to be the status of where i find myself right now But it's definitely informed by my career. Because i don't want to have people thinking that they have to settle because you don't have to. You can have a very fulfilling life as a single person. You can have some of the best sex of your life as a single person. And that's what i teach and also try to implement in my own life so it's always a reminder of like you don't have to you know because other people are doing things on their own time line that doesn't mean that you're falling behind or that you should be hitting these milestones at your friends. You know colleagues might be hitting because everyone's patterns is different. Let let's talk about that. Let's talk about the the having having a great sex life while single. Because i know through talking to people on this show and just through talking to you know people within my own social social circle. There seems to be this this This idea that typically sleeping with strangers typically leads to like more often than not poor sexual experiences. How do you. How do you go about coaching or teaching people how to have really satisfying sex with someone they may have. They may have just met and will likely never see again chapter in the book a man having sex with straight. How do you have good sex in the wild everything they not to whether it is sex relationships body image stuff on it all boils down to some form of communication. So just because you are. You are meeting someone in the wild. They're a stranger doesn't mean you can't have really awesome sexy. You really have to get specific on your needs you know. I love it when you blink my blank or i love it when this is stimulated this way or into this. You have to be really vocal to communicate to your partner. What works for you all the same time to be an avid listener to what they're saying and when they say. Oh i like this. I love doing this. Because that makes me feel like this and so just having that comfortable level of communication to have a given take to realize you know we're not just gonna be fumbling in the dark and trying moves tried on the last partner because they liked it. That is a way to hook up with someone but the better way is to really communicate and get specific what you both want. What if you're what if you're someone who and i know this is. This is probably a rather common sentiment. You're someone who like is feel. I feel like it probably stems from our are very poor sex. Ed that exists in in north america. But like what. If you're one of those folks who has a feels really shy about talking about the things that you derive pleasure from or that you like in bed like i. I know a lot of people have a hard time talking about what they like with with strangers let alone even with themselves Yes so. I feel like nothing to plug the book every time this is. This is a really great option is to fill out a yes. No maybe list on. You can google that on google and then find this list of a bunch of activities and so you can sit down with yourself and fill this out in circle like kissing. Yes i love that Spanking maybe who question mark by that. And then like Flogging no circle that. I'm not into that and then so have your partner fill out the same questionnaire and then come back together and they compare and say oh. Where do we overlap. Oh you're curious about pegging me to let's see if we can explore this. Oh we're both not into pearl necklaces. Great i'll put that down duly. No just showing up on a date with like your paper a binder yak. Thank you slide across the table. A good way to break is. There's something you want to try to introduce. I love saying you know. Hey i heard a podcast. Or i read this article where they were talking about. Threesomes would you be into that. And that way you're not putting your partner on the spot to say. Like i'm into threesomes how about you. And they're like yeah. Sure like no. I don't want to say no. But i'm not really commend. But i don't want to upset them so just taking the pressure off of you and just saying hey. I read about this. What do you think about it. You can probably get a more authentic answer from your partner right like starting conversation. A hypothetical sort of yeah station like that podcast. We'll be back after this short break. I like bed. That's really firm. I mean something a little softer than that rest. Easy with the sleep number three six. You both the gesture conference with your sleep number setting. It really helped me fall asleep faster. Yes you're okay but can it help. Keep us asleep senses. Your movements automatically adjust to keep you the sleepnumber proven quality. Sleep is life changing sleep now. During the ultimate sleep number event save fifty percent on the sleep number three sixty limited edition smart that plus special financing on all smart beds only limited time special financing subject to credit approval minimum payments. Quiet see store for details. So what what does it mean like in your writing. And i assume you you have spoken to other people and gathered information from other people about what it means to be a single person And it's and it seems to me. The statistics are showing that more people are choosing to be single than ever before. So i'm wondering what what kind of stories you've heard or reasons you've heard that people might be sort of gravitating towards that as opposed to following the beaten path of like couple up and you know going down that road. Yeah i think people just feel empowered to like drive their own life and so when the past it was like you know Get married white picket fence to half kids. you know. they're breaking from that narrative and saying you know what's going to work for me so whether that's they want to pursue a career they want to travel more or they haven't met the right person or they're just having fun with casual encounters. I just feel like people feel more empowered to say like. Hey i'm choosing this lifestyle and that's okay for me. Does that trip like. Let's say when you go on dates with folks thi do. Do you get questioned a lot. Your your single status or your or your Why you haven't partnered up long-term usually those come up that and discussions on my job right but it does and then so. My answers are haven't found the right person yet and i'm not looking to settle. I have some you know things that i'm looking for in things that i'm not and so with the current availability of where i live. It's just not worth not yet so on that note of settling then. This is a big question. I've always had is like especially in an agent a day where we are all feeling a little more empowered to be like this works for me and this doesn't work for me. How do you differentiate between settling and being having like unreasonable expectations. Yes so there's always gonna be compromise a relationship. You're never going to have everything. Go your way one hundred percent of the time. So i think it's important to really map out. Maybe make a hierarchy of. What's important to you so for me. I don't want kids. That's a hard line for me. seventy would be going with someone who wants to make babies with me and that just that sounds terrible to me now so for me. I can't do that. That's not going to work If someone was a cat person. I'm a dog person i could live with that. I'm not settling uncompromising saying okay we can let this mammal living our house too but i guess suddenly makes me feel like you felt tracked like you had to say yes like. What's the reasoning behind this. You know Are you like going against your own beliefs or the things you want to have in your life and you're just like well forget all that will end up you know having kids and having six cats with a smoker who doesn't have a job and i make all the money and they drink all the time you know just. I was going down a hill of like. Oh this doesn't sound good at all so there's always going to be compromised so whether that is you being childless with a cat person with plenty of dogs due to balance it out. You know there's going to be give and take for sure. I just feel like it's something that i personally come up against with especially with like feminism and questioning. You know the way. I was socialized. To how much of a role does it play in. What i'm willing to compromise and like you know i'll find myself sometimes going down a road with a partner and we're going down the road and there's a future in view i look at the future and i go. I think i want that. But i could be wrong. I could just have a really like a partner. Who's really clear on what what they want. And i'm not sure. And that's when i start you know. I think i'm just over big over share here i think i'm Like i have a lot of self doubt. I i i like to refer to. It is feeling like going through life with my foot. Like resting on the break. Just in case we go too far in the wrong direction and so sometimes when i'm analyzing where i'm at in my partnerships i'm like how much of this is me just like drifting along for the ride because in a way i do want to be lead. And where like how can i tell internally like bike really tune in like whether this is right for me. Or what changes need to happen for this to to fit for me. So inner book do you talk about techniques for that kind of introspection. No but that's really that's really good. We're mostly talking about how to be a single person. Live your life and be happy at the very end. We do talk about meeting people in the wild and dating and having sex with strangers. But that's a really important point you bring up. I think it's really common to be wary when you're new relationships to after the nra off and you're like whoa like you know what. What does you know. Eight moves down the road. Like am i gonna be with this person. those are really great questions to ask yourself and then also reflect on. Okay why am. I feeling like this you know. Am i worried that maybe three years down the road. There's going to be some big drastic change. And i might be losing myself so it's always rechecking with your relationships and see if you're both growing in the same direction and the thing is too is that people do change and so sometimes things end and so we have to normalize too because just because you dated for maybe two years new ended. It doesn't mean that the two years you were together were a failure. You know it was just maybe at that point in time you guys were aligned. And that's great and then you drift apart and then okay internet. It's like talking about your favorite tv show and then the series ends you like. Oh i can't watch breaking bad again like he'll still look good. Show even though you know ended so you have to look back on it fondly and say okay well that was a really good time onto the future and there's nothing worse than tv show. That goes far beyond the length of what it should have. You know those yeah like lost. Shoulda ended after season one on seven seasons. Yeah i relate. I relate relationships and pretty much everything in life to television show. So that totally speaks to me do you. Do you think that. There's i mean maybe this maybe this kind of plays into the whole Like not having the ability to to find compromise. But like do you. Do you think that there's a possibility that some folks might like like that. There's like a potential risk for almost becoming addicted to single to single life. And and there's someone and i i can't say the name but there's someone that i know. I own personal life. I have a friend is has been single for ever and every time they are seeing someone new. I always hear about it from them. And it's like this new mazing thing and it's like eight elect the way they talk. It's like it sounds like oh this is the one forever forever and then you know like two months in what happened to so and so i like that too i. We might have the same not okay. So and part of me wonders like is this person. Is this person setting themselves up for failure because they they have this expectation that is just simply not possible to reach were attain or are they just addicted to the new relationship energy. Yeah whether it's new relationship energy or addicted to like the the you know. There's something very sexy and attractive about about the the the the quality of being a being single but also just having no one to not having a boss. It's like it's like being your be. And that's not what i mean but but like being self employed is kind of like that's really that's really attractive really sexy because you don't answer to anyone you can kind of. It's on your own schedule your at your own whim to do whatever you please whenever you please single hood i i believe is kind of similar to that where it's like you you're on your own. You can fewer. I mean you can't really do this today. But if you wanna pick up and fucking you know fly to another country for a couple of months just to explore. You can do that. There's no one there's no one to ask. there's no one. There's no compromise to be made so like. I don't know what my question is here. I aside from perhaps like. Do you think that there's a do you think that there's a a almost an addictive quality to being single for some people. I don't call an addictive quality. But i would ask your friend. Who's like the cereal dislike new dater. Do they want to be in a relationship or are they just having fun doing all these new relationships because you know they could say like this can be the one and if you wanna get specific be like why didn't work out like what was the lake. No factor for you. And so if they can get clear on like oh they were talking about settling down our own. They wanted to move. And i don't want to move and so or if they're worried about feeling trapped like i don't wanna have to give up my pick up soccer games or i don't know boys night on i don't wanna be. I wanna be able to the strip club with my buddies. Okay you know. So ask them. You know what's worse. Do you want to be in a relationship. If they say they want to be in relationship and they're constantly going through people. Mike samples the grocery store. You know ask them like what's going on here like. Are you dating the wrong people. Are you just not being serious and being pentagon saying i'm looking brisk relationship where you're kind of going in to the we'll see what happens I always have so many questions Totally addictive. I think when we can get specific on lake when you mentioned feeling trap like you can't just pick up and go somewhere without asking someone else. I feel. A lot of relationships have flexibility in letting their partner saw tun of me to say like. Hey i wanna go out for you know a wine tasting weekend with my friends. Okay so i follow up questions. Atonomy is a great word. Because i think like referencing what i was asking about earlier. That's the thing it's like. I feel like i want to be a ton of that. I want to be an independent person. And so i might be wary of like a ball and chain situation when it's not actually happening might be self imposed because i haven't talked to my partner about whether it's like i like to pick up and leave the province at least moving the country whenever i want. This just occurred to me to ask in your studies or in the writing of this book. Did you research junior. Research on. Like the history of like what are they. What do they call people. Who would they used to call ladies. Who had been like singles sensors. Exactly the history of that and like the stereotype. The negative stereotypes came with that. Yeah and the beginning talk about the public perception of what it means to be a single like. Why aren't you desirable. Why aren't you down. What's wrong with you. So all those things Culture and society puts on a single person and also the perceptions of people who are partnered. And what they think of their single people in their lives so yeah. We definitely do that interesting. It's like oh it's either like they're having so much fun or like. Oh i feel so bad for them to go home alone all the time. It's like that. I have the whole bedroom is so i would imagine that. There's probably some undercurrent for some people who are partnered of jealousy of the single person as well like but it comes out as a pity. You know what i mean. I mean people always think the grass is greener. But you never know. Someone's to situation unless you're living in their shoes. Go where. I don't know if you can speak to this. But this isn't something that's come up in my psyche. Anyway for the last little bit is like. I'm i don't kid either. And i have at times felt that there is sort of an impenetrable wall that i can't quite see or name between myself and my female friends who are mothers in that like it's a club i won't be a part of and the language that they use to describe this love that they've never understood until they had kids is is like yeah. I feel like. I'm on the outside sometimes looking at quite happy you know i'd you know i'd rather be quite confident in my decision then having children and regretting it which i'm also seeing more and more headlines about which is cool that people are talking about but can you. Can you speak to that dynamic at all 'cause i imagine there's some parallels between like single and coupled but then there's also kids and no kids i think are usually with the word compassion. Yeah yeah yeah i think. In this instance you can have that feeling of conversion for your mother friends. I have friends who are popping out all over the place right now and so i see that and i'm like oh. My curiosity level has not reached level. Like maybe i should. I have a dog. And i know i know. I feel the love that they feel for their time. Clark's but i do realize. I'm not going to be a member of that club because i'm not going to be a mom. So that's that's okay for my friends. And i'm i'm very happy for them. I'm happy to see them. Take on this new role and also keep their identities that they had before he became a mom. They're not just a mom. Now they're still you know my awesome friends Who do rock climbing and yoga and everything else But i don't. I don't know that. I'm feeling lake less than i will ever feel that experience because i'm happy for them but i also know i feel that with my dog like i feel that with other relationships that i have like. Wow this is. I mean it'd be like love is love but like this is a really strong love that i share with my you know. My dog I feel that with my dog. Yeah i mean i i. It's funny at three people who don't have kids all of them going. I feel that for my dog too and the amount of the amount of people out there listening right now that have kids going. You don't know until you're sitting with your dog post anesthesia. while they're and even control their bowels of them don't know where they are like. I don't wanna hear that you don't know in two minutes our pet parenthood. I think it's a good point. Because i a massive family. I have a huge number of brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. And when i think about having kids and it almost seems to me like you go into a bit of a cocoon of just like raising your babies like you need to put that time in there and that part of my brain goes but i already don't have time to love the people in my life the way that i want to love them and you know working on lifestyle decisions and choices that will enable me to to show up for those people in the way that i really want to so i think that and conversion or very helpful conversion is very helpful frame framing of that situation for me. I'm i'm curious to know your thoughts on. I feel like. I feel like it's being being single and really loving being single living your best single life. That s- self pleasure plays a really big role in that for abc for everyone. But but i think for a lot of people Which is also something again. Just kind of linking back to the poor sexual education that we've received I think self pleasure is one of those things that a lot of people also struggle with Or or at least aren't so familiar with how to best serve yourself For lack of a better term what do you have to say about about that exploration and sort of learning and exploring the parts of it yourself that that feel good and and how to pleasure yourself in a way that that again. You're serving yourself in the best way possible for sure. I mean pandemic time aside. It's so great because you're your own best lover you're always with yourself. They hold my hands up. It's ready to go right now. And it's one of the few seconds can do that have no risk. And it's just great information. I always say time spending time wasted. So the more you get to explore yourself and discover what you specifically because we all know. Roger stone's we know nipples clitoris penis all that stuff. But you know maybe you're really into you know soft neck caresses or maybe you're into like whisper light touches on your belly or something like the more specific you can get on what really turns you on. You can both use that knowledge for yourself and then if and when you decide to have a partner you can tell them. Hey i like these light bellied touches and you can pass onto them but the more you know how to turn yourself on on yourself the easier you can fall into that head space of arousal and feel good and sexual pleasure to seek outside of yourself in someone so someone who feels like they have to go find someone at the bar or meet someone online and have a hook session. Maybe they're the people who are not having satisfying sex. 'cause they're like i don't really know what i want. Maybe this person. I know what to do to me I hope maybe that's when you can go down that road of like not great sexual encounters so the more specific you can get on what you like the more you can turn yourself on and then spread that knowledge shoppers. It's been a while since. I've been single but i have to say after this conversation today. If for whatever reason. I happen to become single in the near future. I feel a little less anxious about how that experience might feel or be Just again let listeners. Know so the book i. It's playing without a partner a single guide to sex dating and happiness. It is coming out pretty soon. May eleventh is that is that correct walker cracked male excited. Are you megan. This has been really really fun to sit down and chat with you and to kind of unpack just You know what. I'm sure is just the tip of the iceberg of what is to come with your book and how can people follow you. Follow what you're up to. And stay up-to-date. Yeah thank you so much. This is a great conversation with us. keep going on. Listeners can find me at sexologists. Megan dot com. And i'm sexologists meghan on all the handles co you do coaching as well. I don't do coaching. I do speaking. So i speak on college. Campuses universities host private events for people in the lifestyle so i teach actual like sex classes. I used to. Hopefully we'll pick that up again what we can touch each other in public amazing. Thank you so much sad to hear there. You go folks that was our conversational megan stubs. What a lovely guest and again. I highly recommend checking her out on social media in particular instagram. Because it's the only place. I am really surfing these days and follow her there. And it's a hoot right on and get her book comes out you can pre-order it through her instagram. It's called playing without a partner at launches on may eleventh. Give it a read and let us know how inch live And hey folks speaking of How it changed your life if you wanna let us know how we've changed your just if you want to reach out to us in any manner whatsoever you can email us term podcast at gmail.com. There's also submission format termi on podcast dot com our website. Which we just overhauled with our new branding. i hope you enjoy it. Folks i do. I love it and and also if you wanna head on over if you've been listening for a while and on the fence about supporting us you know. Be a beep producer of our podcast. Really it's your dollars that has happened and You can add that those letters those post nominal letters to the end of your name podcast producer. If you if you hit us up on patriots dot com slash. Jim yup yup All right folks. That is this week baby until that streak love you. I like bed. that's really firm. Something a little softer than the rest. Easy to sleep number three sixty smart bet. You can both the your with your sleep. Number setting yeah. It really helped me fall asleep faster. Yes by gently warming your feet. Okay but can help keep us asleep. It senses your movements and automatically just to keep you effortlessly comfortable. Sleepnumber proven quality. Sleep is life changing sleep now. During the ultimate sleep number event save fifty percent on the sleep number three sixty limited edition smartphone plus special financing on all smart beds only for a limited time special financing subject to credit approval minimum monthly payments required. See store for details.

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The Veiled Monarch 017 - "Tip Off"

The Veiled Monarch

18:47 min | 1 year ago

The Veiled Monarch 017 - "Tip Off"

"The following hey it's jelly entertainment. Production is recommended for listeners. Seventeen and over due to adult language adult situations violence and subject matter. That could be sensitive to some listeners. If you enjoy the show please leave us rating on your favorite podcast APP. We'd really appreciate. She ate it last time on the veiled monarch Haruna. Did you find. What where'd you go? Raina didn't tell you that you won't have a choice Katherine Katherine come on Earth for Heath Vince. I'll do it no if you could just sit here for a little bit. I don't know what to say. Anyone yet was sit here as long as you need us to it. Claiming you look to cheval turnaround. Let me see I wanNA bask in the newly turned under radiance folk no is telling the truth. Both look at these files the shipping company. Wait a second calf luck. Yeah that's not outright. None of it is here. Look Vince you own businesses. To what do you make of this. All of these. His files forgeries for once. I must complete loss. As to what Folk Noor is up to. He was sitting trap heat of cars. Awhile ago we've been lined up in hotel rooms for two days. His traps are to this office. I believe he's actually giving us information. Which means one thing and one thing only he has something to gain from this? Didn't he tell you that he he was making us part of his plan. Now it's what he said then he does have something to gain and we doing it for him. It had finds Aaron. It's worth it to me. I'm willing to play along with him for now. I know folks who went enough to know how he works. He's giving us something so we give him something and I hate it what that is. I don't know not yet. We will go visit this place together. Those of us who can move quickly go first Isaac you and Brian will follow and the druids last and me. I said we will go first. I Oh right because I'm sorry Katherine I'll get used to it. It's no biggie. Before we all leave this someone annacone I want you to meet Catherine. You don't do this man not now not here she needs it Isak Place. Don't don't make it harder on her. Can't believe this what what's going on if you will excuse us. She's he's got to do it. Isaac Vincent Gergen unsure what to do. That woman has become one of my closest friends Raina. I wanted her to stay the way I she was. That's not possible anymore it's done with. She is who she is just like you and I are who we are. Let's it's just get a coffee or something at the diner my treat. Alright grasses fellas. We got your brother. How are you Isaac not happy about this? She has to feed. We don't have to focus on it. Well we're going to focus on it if we keep talking about it. What's the better subject faulkner? I don't get it. Why is he doing this for us? I've never never heard of faulkner helping someone by all accounts we should have been dead by now Maybe it has to do with Jacob Stewart. How I think about it? Jacob left South Florida in a rush and he was sloppy. It wasn't hard for Catherine I to catch him in his eyes and the entire miami-dade did PD knows about him now. Then all of a sudden faulkner swoops in. Maybe he's covering for Jacob. Maybe he's mad. Jacob was sloppy happy. You're reaching for reasons trying to understand how everything connects can't never dealt with faulkner before just the iron oath. It's a good thing you haven't. Brian did once in New York. Eight werewolves dead within a week. Three Vampires and four drew it it. All of them look tragic accidents but we knew we all knew now. I really wonder why he isn't killing us. Maybe he yes. If we visit this company I don't think so there's nothing he can gain from it. The grand opening has been advertised. And it's big. It's bringing this small town all all these new jobs folks not gonNA leave a bunch of people dead for everybody to see that depends on how much of a showman he is. He doesn't WANNA get caught. He's never been caught. That is how he manages all done then. Because very reese strange I know it's difficult the first time it was for all of us. I cannot believe you encouraged her to leave him the fruit. The cookies at blood drives and orange juice. WanNa leave them some nice. Are we prepared to leave. You've Good if everyone else's hey thanks for listening to the veiled monarch. We're going to interrupt the show for just a minute and and bring you a message from our friends. I do think radio is is probably the greatest entertainment medium ever invented. It made the audience work instead of big ugly glass picture. Tube you saw the performers in your own mind. We were a family. It was a nucleus of people that you never grow away from. I ride all the WTO people had started and we're working in the Hawk and introduced me to different people and got me at least into some of the auditions. I think there there is something so special between the listener and the other side of the microphone student. Breaking walls is the podcast August on the history of American dramatic radio. Subscribe everywhere you get your podcast and at the wall. BREAKERS DOT COM I. I don't understand. This is a shipping company. It looks more like offices. Maybe we need to look around around more. It could be the office for Shipping Company. Isaac we've opened the doors. Thanks Raina number right behind us. There's nothing here I think. Full Khnr live. I guess we go now. The dogs herd put just stand still. Put Your hands Running is just fine for us. You Know How lucky all of you all know why well you folks would intake. We've found some serious stuff in that building. I guess they make some pretty good detectives in south Florida. That you had a good informant. Did you find find the woman you were looking for was found in a room underneath that building. Thank God she okay. She was obviously drug but she didn't seem to have an an answer is she. A child will transport it to the whole God. Is He okay. I think it'll be fine. There was a third missing person. Can you describe a white female about five foot. Four blond hair dark eyes I. I don't suppose you both would mind identifying about it. Oh no we'll do mine telling us what else happened. I can't discuss everything right now. Detectives you know that. I'm sure you'll be subpoenaed to fall. It's all over because of the circumstances no charges are being filed but we do need statements from everyone if you could propel your friends for that. I'd appreciate it. We can do that then. All of you need to leave. You've go back to Florida. We can do that too. it's good to be home. Welcome back fence and everyone else I I heard all of you had quite the adventure. Oh Lewis you have no idea. We have more questions than answers now. Is Leo here yet. He's on his way with Khloe. She is about to be really happy so am I. I can't wait to see this vents. What the AU nom nom you guys found her? That's amazing we did. We also found the child what what happened to him. Kevin Ronin pulled some strings to have him released to the right people and get him reunited with his family. Come along Leo. Oh let's all go to my office and that these three takes some time sure. What really happened in Georgia? A UH quite loss. Luis would you do me a favor. Make sure that we find the good donor for a few days. Katherine is going to need one. Sure welcome to the group Katherine. We'll get you settled. Thanks I think okay seriously. What happened a lot? What was it the iron? Oh thir- what volkner. How do you know about folks? Now how do you think did chloe tell you this she better not have H- you don't need to know this Leo Stop It. Most of this came from Vince. He thinks I can't hear him when he talks to people but I can I ask ask Louie questions. And she answered them. That's all do you guys honestly think I won't figure things out my dad. Is Vince more. Ready there's no way you can just just hi this stuff from me. I didn't want you to know Leo dive wanted you to have as normal of a life as possible. You knew it would happen eventually. There's there's no way you could have thought I'd just be oblivious. Yes I knew I had hoped it would take longer. That's all you protecting me for. Almost one thousand nine years. So thanks now. Will you tell me what happened. We can start with the obvious. I'm not that obvious. He would thanks thanks. I'm hungry okay. We do need to sort things out with Catherine first. Let's start with Hong going to explain this to the department. Yeah Yeah I can see how that might be an issue. Okay Leo out. No now Leonardo. I want to help. You can't help with this unless you want to be a donor and I will not allow it. Go comforts your girlfriend. She's pretty damn happy right now. Language Vince come on Leo. Let's go. I've never been a donor and I'm not starting now. Both of you out of my office. Fine what is the appropriate age to move out these days. You can just kick him out you know now now it would never work. Might Miss Him too much lies. Catherine being turned the problem. Was it a legal. Yes no one is going to care. That sees a diesel that now all that it was to save her life. Who did it Annika? The law says if an attack was witnessed and it it ended a life than the attackers responsible. Not The party. Who turned the victim? Did anyone see it now. They didn't but we all agreed. Read on a story. We will stick with that story for now. Stay here until the donor arrives. Tell me again how this happened and I WANNA make sure I take an accurate statement. We told you four times. Darius story is full of holes not to mention. You were both arrested in Georgia with Vince Moretti. Anna kinds which one of them did it. Catherine Darius please which one odd you don't believe us you're going to get Katherine fired. I want the truth. After I hear the truth will find a story. Wait what are you saying. I'm asking for the true story for me. No one else she would have died. She did die. She wasn't breathing when I found her. Raina don't now for once. I'm not lying did it Annika Raina. Don't I remember the whole thing. I even remember feeling myself slipping away. I remember Raina yelling so miss hinde saved you. Yes she did. I need some time to work on something. Your statements aren't on record and won't be until you officially talked to me. Until then Catherine is distraught and confused used and seeking help from the vampiric immunity to get settled and giving her the time off just to do that and I fired. No Roy you are being treated like a victim of illegal turning. You're getting awfully sympathetic as these days. What's all that about about? Do you know how you were all arrested. Yeah breaking and entering the police department in Saint. Mary's he's got an anonymous tip along with convincing evidence that the new shipping company was a front they were given building plans that led them to the underground area. You're joking she wanted us to find them. I don't get it. What's this guy doing who his name is faulkner? God He's involved. Glad we don't have to explain him to you. You both need to be careful. We all need to be careful. Brunell my report is going to say that detective Escobar brought in distraught draw detective claiming my instructions were to take detective. Claim into. Annika hines for help and to help register within. Hr wants her mental until status better. I'll be taking official statements. I have to get an HR. I didn't even think about that. Welcome to the club. Finish the registration and go home both of you. I don't Wanna see either of you for two days. We'll have some idea of what to say by then. Thank thank you Darius I. This is era gums. Dot Or Gentlemen T.. Rex The Voice of Jacob Stuart. Thank you all for listening to this episode of the veiled Monarch Year. More episode to subscribe to the Audio drama visit us at the veiled monarch DOT COM Excalibur listening. MM-HMM

Annika Raina Katherine Katherine Heath Vince Catherine Isaac Vincent Gergen Leo Shipping Company faulkner Catherine Darius Jacob South Florida Catherine I Brian Georgia WTO Jacob Stewart Isak Place Annika hines Aaron
Mitt Romney Is Both Right and Wrong

Reason Podcast

59:08 min | 2 years ago

Mitt Romney Is Both Right and Wrong

"Mitt Romney taking shots of the president is not new but of laid it as been in two thousand eighteen thanked the president for his -dorsements. That's January in December is use me. I guess in January one he takes shot one. Well, this is a pathetic attempt by Mitt Romney relevance. This. This is a guy who comes to Washington in his stead of trying to help this president instead of trying to help the Republican party. He wants to attack this president it really tried to undo and be the center of attention. Look he wants to talk about character. Let's talk about jealousy. Let's talk about how shallow this person is I'm sick and tired of Mitt Romney wanting Donald Trump's help on one hand groveling trying to be the secretary of state during the transition in two thousand sixteen. Let's not forget that pathetic attempt by Mitt Romney. That was president Donald trumps favorite television program, FOX and friends this morning. Talking about the bracing slap of an op Ed published in today's Washington Post by rookie Senator Mitt Romney or Senator elect to announce his arrival on Capitol Hill. Hello everyone. Happy new year to you from all of us here at the reason podcast. I am Matt Welsh joined in our editors round table by my colleagues, Nick less p Peterson Herman and Katherine mango ward. Hey, nineteen y'all. Happy new year. Heavy wednesday. I'm here to make nNcholas be grown. Remember subscribe to the podcast today and every day at apple podcast Spotify and so on right review, and so forth. So we were wondering here month or two ago. Have forget when exactly who would be the next temperamentally centrist Republican politician to win the hearts and minds of Washington's political class by pivoting to anti-trump skulduggery. And I think we might have our answer this morning. Ding, ding, ding, ding, step away SAS. Here comes mitt, Peter. You wrote a great cover story on the mid Stor back in twenty twelve called consultant in chief, which if memory serves, you talked a lot about how he kind of very carefully management consulting Lee, kind of tweaks what is acceptable in terms of selling his politics, which tends to be kind of minor tweet. On the ship of state. Meanwhile, doing it such a way that, you know, no budget ever gets a balanced in in the future and that it's kind of a cautious approach yet. This thing strikes me as kind of not particularly cautious. It was stronger than anything I expected and it included allied. We must repair our fiscal foundation. What gives say you suitor pants. Well, Mitt Romney has never been a particularly ideological guy when it comes to policy, and that's that was sort of the the meta argument of that piece, which is that he's not somebody who comes in and sort of has an idea that oh, the government should be smaller or the government should be larger even or that. Instead, he's sort of like, well, let's look for it. It's this kind of moderate, no ideology, let's look for practical solutions sort of thing. Let's tweak what we can and try and make things sort of function better, you know, basically sort of treated government, like a management consultant treats the companies that they ended up working for which makes sense given his background where he was management console. Two and then went onto to financial work with with Bain. But he he does have another kind of ideology, I think that is expressing itself more in the Trump era, and that is that is a sort of a Mormon ideology of niceness. And and like, Donald Trump really deeply trigger triggers that instinct in Mitt Romney, and and in some other people, but particularly in a guy of in in a guy like Mitt Romney who is now representing Utah. Who is now kind of taking the the mantle of the of the the decent moderate here in in Washington, the decent moderate Republican to be clear, and and like a somebody like Donald Trump just in terms of personality in terms of the way, he goes about his business the way he expresses himself, both privately and publicly is just all temperamentally almost exactly the opposite of Mitt Romney who either. Oh, when I was I was researching that piece I talked to a couple of people who had worked with him who knew him, and what everybody said was that he was incredibly decent sometimes very slightly distant and aloof, which again, kind of understandable, given that the guy's worth a quarter of a billion dollars in his spent most of his life kind of in elite society, but really incredibly decent and nice in that that was actually the thing that he was good at was was being like, a sort of smart clever decent nice person. And so, you know, one of the kind of sub arguments that piece I'm not sure I made it explicitly, but sort of one of the things that I came away thinking was that Mitt Romney, you know, sort of is maybe as an great when it comes to kind of as ideological policy decision making. But he is somebody who has done really well in the business world and has been kind of I think a force for good overall a force for for decency and transparency within his business within his business life. And I think he is trying to bring. Some of that sort of personality driven ideology, if that makes any sense to his I'll comes close to making sense. They'll give me that look Katherine Katherine is giving me a Peter. You've started on the wrong foot. I am striking that phrase from your piece, I feel like you're just editors look here. That's your own conscience talking. I think as Donald Trump would say, I think you're my conscience. A question will be is he a flake? That's what Trump tweeted about Romney that question is he a flake capital f- flake. He's still got it. He I mean, he he hasn't lost anything that fastball. The tweeter fast fastball. But Katherine to follow up on that. Is there any reason that you can see that Romney doesn't end up a flake or a Bob corker to put a non Mormon in there? Which is the people in the Republican party who have loudly scolded, the tone of and and some of the behavior policies of Donald Trump have ended up loathed in their own states and pretty much roadkill. It's hard to imagine Mitt Romney winding-up loathe in his own state. I mean, his his underlying conditions are a little bit different there. But anything's possible. I I don't know. I think you know, the fact that these guys are both Mormons is not a coincidence as Peter says like the like, you know, to me, the Mormon the Mormon niceness thing is a is just as sort of, hyper concentrated form of the American. Niceness thing which depending on your perspective people either celebrate or kind of despair over this sort of privileging of just being nice to each other, which Canadians take to the degree. You know, Americans are still sort of nice and friendly known as friendly people around the world and go too far. I take it too far. I mean, let's be real. We got it. Sometimes you gotta have some real talk. But, but I think you know, I I am delighted they Mitt Romney has positioned himself to be this guy. I think he is better able to be this guy. This sort of moderate voice of reason Republican guy than than flake was flake was in a position a much weaker position flick was better on policy flake was better though should make this or that reason he was in a weaker position. You know, we we all have a lot to be pissed at a Mitt Romney for if Mitt Romney had run a half. Quay decent campaign back in what two thousand twelve we wouldn't be talking about any and let us never forget. They should he missed a layup. Emmigration again are truly. I mean, he he is explicitly said, he's the he's more hawkish than Trump on immigration. He said that he said that during his campaign. He's unlikely to back away from that in the current climate. And I think it would be a shame. If the way that Romney and Trump manage to make peace is if they just shut down all of immigration, if that's the way, although it's possible to imagine that it's. It's something like the family separation policy again, basically on niceness grounds. But also on the understanding that it said, politically, not viable. Yeah. I I think this gets to an interesting question because people want a return to some level of civility because I'd the way that Trump is acting Israeli reprehensible, and it's it does not help. I don't I don't think it helps anything other than his own agenda, maybe some cable news ratings. But ultimately, what we, you know, the reason we're screwed isn't because Trump is an asshole and calls people that he sleeps with horseface on Twitter or any of that kind of stuff. It's that his policies are screwed up. And that the Congress's policies are screwed up in that Hillary Clinton's policies, Barack Obama's policies Bush's policies, you know, Alexander Cejka Cortez's policies are screwed up and that we're not talking about policy because you know, amazingly Romney. And this was at the time when Barack Obama was really anti immigration where he was really getting rid of people and bouncing them at, you know, deporting them turning them away and all kinds of stuff like that Romney was to the right of. Him. He somehow did that he was totally ineffectual in any kind of argument against the forcible Care Act. He is not good on things like paid family leave and for all of his talk about being a businessman. He never came up with a budget, or he couldn't even I Matt I believe you wrote about this where when he was asked what could you cut? He like he could never name a specific program. Oh, he very specifically said that the the problem of his run against Ted Kennedy. Peter crook, newer, I'm wrong here. But his failed campaign in the nineties was that he made the mistake of of speaking about something that might be cut one day, and he learned for this isn't an interview he gave the weekly standard at some point. And so like he was conscious of that. And said I won't cutlets build on that actually because a part of the quote unquote, deep descent that Romney lays out as the kind of precipitating factor for his op-ed deep descent. The Donald Trump took. The nation in December had to do with resignations of Jim Mattis and John Kelly, plus the quote, abandonment of allies who fight beside us, which is a fancy talk for. We're pulling two thousand troops out of Syria. And I don't like it and maybe seven thousand out of Afghanistan, and he further goes on to say kind of be Mon that too many other countries or link for China and Russia for leadership there autocratic the world needs American leadership, and it's an Americans interest provided Catherine sounds like a bunch of Neo claptrap. Why why you gotta turn to me for this one? I think I got a turn for you side. No. But like, yeah. Do you see this as part of the I mean, there's a piece of the New York review of books that we were swapping around on a slacker Sheikha was earlier is is resistance GOP Morphing end to kind of a Neo conservative back. Bench. So I mean, it's a good move rhetorically by Romney in this piece to kind of not directly, but to subtly lump together, the some of Trump's tendencies with the rise of authoritarianism around the world, right? I mean, he's he doesn't he doesn't say outright. But he's sort of implying. Listen, it's in America's interest to not be like all these thorough -tarian douche bags everywhere else. Instead we need to. And then he says, you know, a free press rule of law, strong, churches, responsible corporations and unions. Right. So he's he's sort of doing the thing that many commentators have done which is lump the rise of Trump in with the rise of autocracies and an authoritarian regimes around the world. So you can see why he's doing that in this bed in which his goal is to say character matters, we can do better, etc. You know, I think he does explicitly at the top of the PC says there's some policies that. He's had that I think have been good. And then he says but policies early part of the presidency. So, you know, I think Neo conservatism is always operated on the level of, you know, the strong executive can lead America into a more aggressive and interventionist role in the world. Obviously. I don't think that that's the right use of any president's time and talents. I w don't think it's a good idea to encourage Donald Trump to do that. But, you know, at the same time, I think it's for many people that is the strongest argument for why we should care about the presidents character because the president does have so much influence over the way we interact as a nation with other nations. So I think he's just trying to make the strongest case for why we care about character. Nick talk about character a little bit. There's a the the line that I saw libertarian Twitter. Get antsy about was to a great degree of presidency shapes the public character of. Of the nation. Do you agree that statement nNcholas? No, I don't I think it it has an influence in it. It didn't create it has implications. But no, the whole idea that somehow we are modeled the body politics somehow takes on the look and feel and and attitudes of whoever happens to be leading us from the White House is positively mid east that presidency promoting the presidency reflects the character of the nation. Yeah. It's I think it's all a it's kind of a jumble and a mix, and I do think one of the one of the cheats in Romney's formulation here is to lump in. I think autocrats, you know, actual autocrats like the regime that runs Saudi Arabia say or Iran or a variety of countries. So we could be fighting with or fighting against at any given point 'cause you can throw in Pakistan as well. You know, all of the kind of stuff with other recent developments that that are contemporaneous with Trump that are that are I think speaking something fundamentally different. And by that, I mean, the rise of Macron in France, and and breads, it these are not these are not like moral failings on the part of the country anymore than it was a moral failing of America that we ended up electing Trump. It's these are lagging indicators that a system of Representative government is no longer working in the way that people expected it to be an really weird unpredictable. Things happen. When that when that happens, and that's very different than you. Nobody in Brexit. You haven't Macron is not doing this. And even Trump is not doing this in any in any way, other than at the most atmospheric high atmospheric rhetorical way, saying like, we've got a shutdown the press, we've got a shutdown this we've been shut down that they're not taking people's passports, etc. Anything like that? And right there you see the limit of mitt Romney's vision. But also, the I think the veracity of his tone stuff like this is just the way to kind of say nothing and seem as if you're being presidential. I want to know what mitt Romney's going to do about the goddamn budget and about the debt, you know, more than I want to know whether or not he's going to be a nice guy. He's in the Senate as a Republican. So he's probably vote for stuff that Mitch McConnell tells them to vote for. Yeah. And that's I mean, I do think like he I think he's he's being pretty clear here. Like, he doesn't. I think that's the priority. He's he's he'd sat down he did himself like a racy chart or something. Probably. And he was like here's what I can do while I'm in DC. And so let me push back on what Nick says just a little. I think you're right that we place too much emphasis on kind of the character of the president is like as being immoral leader in certain ways on the other hand, we should expect more from the president. I think than we're getting from Trump and Romney is saying these things is saying policy kind of doesn't matter right now character does because Trump's in office and the discourse in our politics right now looks the way it does enlarge part because Trump is is the central figure in it. And so plays a huge role in dominates political discourse and changes, its tone and character and has made it difficult to talk about policy. I think made it difficult for people to have those conversations in part because trauma down. Lately out of it himself, and is so I really does not. Come on. You're telling me congress. You know, what did they do about DACA? You know, he told them you've got six months come up with some fucking Bill and put it across my desk. And he basically said that he would you know, he would sign anything. And but he didn't never did. They did. There was part of what they did. There was did not. They did not put anything on ESPN has they couldn't figure out what she was gonna sign and they said, we're not gonna status something force. It force it. I mean like your act like congress, congress is more powerful than the president. You know, they did not actually create legislation. They're the ones who have to write the budgets and pass the bills let the president Fito stuff. I'm just saying like again, and again, we keep coming back to and this is I think it's it's a serious problem. That can't be addressed by you know, kind of the discussions that we're having now. But you know, it's oh, well, we don't know if the president will sign it. So let's just not offer him anything. Let's actually muscle stuff through the the the house of representatives are the. Senate that's got to finance. Mitt romney. It's good. It's a good thing for Mitt Romney to be pushing that kind of leadership rather than these anodyne gems about civility and agreeing disa- were where where in favor of of Nancy Pelosi now in charge of the house standing up to Trump and saying here sign this you should do this. And that. Certainly having her actually pass legislation and debate legislation. I agree. I mean, and she's basically making this argument that that the house that the Congress's Coequal branch and needs to stand up to the president and has not under while Republicans have been in charge of both branch. We want the world ears to rise to the mantle of the office in the words of their Omni. Wait, how do you feel about rising to Mantle's? I'm upset about it. This is a terrible mixed metaphor. And I I have is it a mixed metaphor just clumsy. I think it's next talking about mantle is at the fire now in case something input. Put on your is the alcoholic hall of Famer. Yeah, it's the mantle is the cloak worn by the king. Right, right. And you you don't rise to a mental you Don, it you you were worthy of it. Maybe what I like. Where you stand up from your throne and your servant like has the the mantle and ready. And this is how you get dressed in the morning, Peter. Is there something you need to put on my mantle every morning? I just don't wear leg at a time. Just like everyone else. Let's actually build on what Peter was talking about. In terms of Nancy Pelosi handy things to the death of the president. She has the opportunity to do that. And there has been reporting that she's planning on it, which is to say have the house when it sworn in this week right swearing this week hand a Bill over that is identical to the Bill that the Senate passed one hundred zero unanimously as a short term resolution funding the government until the February eighth or some damn thing. And basically forced that onto. Mitch McConnell's desk and see whether the Republicans will again pass something now that they like before Peter would you imagine that that would what what do you think Mitch McConnell will do in that situation? I mean, I think that the the negotiation here is like Mitch McConnell's just not a part of it what Mitch McConnell and his spokes people keep saying is that they will that they're not going to pass something unless they're certain Trump will sign it. And so they are pass throughs for negotiation between the house and the White House. And so this is between Nancy Pelosi and Donald Trump. And that's why I think that the shutdown is going to continue for is quite likely to continue for a long time. It's not certain, but quite likely and why I think that policy arguments are gonna get weird in two thousand nineteen because. Bedawi forum this guy. Our policy arguments that gonna get weird twenty nine. That's my prediction for the new year. Because it's because it's Nancy Pelosi versus Donald Trump. Donald Trump has no idea what he wants. He just wants to come out a winner himself and Nancy Pelosi has mostly for worse, an actual policy agenda. Nick, what do you take of you've written about this bit of what Trump is kind of doing in terms of his discussions of border wall border security border croquet fence. I don't know what. In this shutdown or not considering considering that he's in a much weaker position. He was then he was you know, a year ago on the same damn issue is the sort of like a last gasp expression of petulance and impotence before he turns and says at the swamp forbade me from doing it. What what do you where do you see this in terms of the immigration debate? That Trump has been having that the country's been having. I think one of the things that Trump is both in a terrible position. In terms of like, he really is kind of hams. You know, his hands are tied here. He has said that he wants at least five point seven billion. He's kind of knocked down a little bit. The Democrats say that I wanna do anything specifically for the wall. But they'll cough up, you know, a billion or a couple billion for border security. I think if all he needs because this is also like you're assuming that he's like the rest of us. Like, he his arguments to himself have to make sense all he has to do is get anything. And then he can assert that he won in that, you know, he did the best deal that he could. And we're going to get the money. We're, you know, we're we're going to build the wall or something like that the other thing he's lucky about as you know, immigration illegal immigration to the country's declining. There's fewer immigrants illegal immigrants and there were ten years ago. Others reasonably that's going to be changing anytime soon. So regardless will be able to keep saying about how he alone has prevented, you know, immigrants who stopped coming here a decade ago. So you know, the mind is an incredibly flexible tool, and I think Trump knows how to lie to himself and to his base, which is really all that he cares about at this point. There is I would recommend to all listeners out there. If you're gonna read one Washington Post op Ed of for the last five days that it not be mitt Romney's, but beat the bear. Okay. Dave Berry's you can we pause and just have like a moment to appreciate the Dave Barry makes that thing. Funny. Every year. Not just funny. But like. Well, and on point and like a hundred percent accurate rendition of the year as I remember it every single year of my entire life. So if should just quote a little chunk of it to to to get the flavor he's going through each month of the year February with yet another government shutdown looming. Congress who's irresponsible spending practices have put the nation on the road to fiscal disaster faces a choice it can either one continues to spend huge amounts of money that we don't have or to not after much late night drama. Congress agrees on a compromise deal under which it will continue to spend huge amounts of money that we don't have a Peter. You're talking about Nancy Pelosi probably coming up, bad ideas and putting them on Donald Trump's desk. Is there any evidence that there's that there's some kind of boomerang effect or Democrats like, well, we should be the party of fiscal discipline now because the Republicans aren't not really not really. I mean such a nice thought at Alexandria. Cosio coach says this morning is on Twitter opposing pay. Go pay go, which basically is the like when you pass stuff that costs money. You have to come up with either a spending cut or a tax hike to offset it, right? You have to basically pay for it in budgetary, terms and cheese just railing against it as as being very bad because it stops the progressive healthcare agenda among other things, I think that is basically where a lot of the Democratic Party is at and where the parts that aren't there yet are gonna move to. I do think that we will see some differentiation in the twenty twenty crowd between folks who are more explicitly like, we should just ignore the budget, the debt the deficit entirely and will make that argument out loud and won't won't sort of walk around it. And then folks like Kuwait O, Elizabeth Warren among others who are going to try to sort of carve out a an. Argument for they're gonna talk about fiscal responsibility. They're not gonna propose a bunch of policies that are fiscally responsible. But they're going to try and do things they're going to focus on on regulation, which doesn't have an a- direct on budget impact. You reference Elizabeth Warren, we might as well pivot to a conversation about her throwing her hat in the, you know, committee ring, what do you call these things exploratory committee ring along with Julian Castro? She has a announced that she's forming exploratory committee to run for a president here. Katherine. I so I was in the green room of MSNBC talking to a an actual not just democratic strategist. But somebody who works pretty closely in New York party politics. Hit insight was that. The identity politics problem that stupid, my family has native American blood. I've just proved that we're one on one whatever if a native American will be the thing along with distrust over the way Bernie Sanders has approached the party. So now, she's associated with that will be the the sink holes. Here. Do you think her candidacy is going to sort of die in an identity politics wire, given the the what seems like of the increase of emphasis placed upon that? Or is she actually could stand to benefit from it. Because unlike Joe Biden, she's not an old white male. I don't like to see anybody die in an identity politics fire. But if someone's going to. I'm all right with it being Elizabeth Warren because you know, you play with fire you get burned friends. What does happen? She, you know, she tried to walk both sides of the identity politics thing by saying American, but also I never benefited from it. And I you know, who even knows if it's true. No, it definitely is true here reports that definitely show. It's not true. Like, the the, you know, the attempting to walk that line has proven foolhardy and. I don't know. I think I actually think in some ways she it's less association with Bernie and more that she feels a little bit like the worst of Hillary Clinton and Bernie together, which I certainly hope the Democratic Party has realized is not the future of the Democratic Party. I mean, this sort of you know, to to speak. Bluntly, like angry old white lady is not a lot better. And in fact, probably electorally worse than angry, white, man and are throwaways fading lady. I'm not angry or old, Matt. No. But, but are you are you caving in to the presumed? Sexism of the American electric, I think I actually think it's a subsidy. I don't actually think the American electorate is anti lady. But like angry lady is yet another layer that people are struggling with right now. I I think though that you know, there's no question that Hillary Clinton is that rises to that label. I think or you know of like angry old lady rises to the mental angry old. Yes, she fills that mantle with a couple of pockets the spare as long as we're mangled lady. But she she is she has demonstrated that she is unelectable which won't prevent her from possibly running. Again. Elizabeth Warren, though, I think you know. Elizabeth Warren despite the misstate missteps with her her own native American heritage. And all of that has reached out more to minorities and people of color and way. The Bernie Sanders did not Bernie Sanders still gets kinda tact for that to a certain degree. And while she's angry at time. She's also kind of schoolmarm, and she also is constantly working the rhetoric of helping the middle class American family. She talks a lot about stuff like free college and about healthcare that doesn't you know, when you get a big Bill that doesn't wipe you out about making mortgage contracts understandable to a common person, blah, blah, blah. I think she her overall rhetoric is actually more interesting than any of her policies. I mean, I think she would be total disaster. But she also signals the shift in I think people of I don't think she's obviously not a socialist. Neither Bernie akeso Cortez is. But where they're talking about socialism. They're talking. About a bigger welfare state not in order to give people more freedom. They I mean the way that take conceive of it. And I think it's a challenge for us to meet them on the rhetorical terms. And explain why they're full of shit. But they're not saying it will be fair and the government will do it. Well, etc. It's that if you cannot fully participate in society, if you do not have a decent education. If you do not have enough money to pay your bills, etc. And it's a freedom and kind of individualism argument, which goes back, there's a strain of it in the nineteen fifties. But generally, it's not what Republicans conservatives and libertarians have been arguing against and it's also not what the left traditionally had put forward, but that's that's the socialism to worn argument. It's also it's also more directly a populist and angry than I think we've seen not angry. It is willing to place blame rather than to make a to say, well, you know, both sides are wrong. We all need to come together. And they ready. It's not like shoes. She's it's the Bank. It is it's the regulators. It's the people aren't cracks Americans. Families are falling into their traps, America's middle classes under attack had we get here billionaires and big corporations decided they wanted more of the pie and the enlisted politicians to cut them a bigger slice of. And she is making in many ways of kind of cronyism argument one that if it resulted in different policies like you can imagine libertarians saying some of those words in roughly that order and then coming up with very different conclusions. But this is why I think that that Elizabeth Warren is is not going to be a bad campaigner in the way that Hurley Clinton was I think she's much more electable in general. But I do also think that, you know, Matt's green room pal is kind of right about where the progressive base is at when I talked to lefties these days when I hear from them. They're very upset with Elizabeth Warren and the way that she has handled her native American. Heritage in that issue, a Peter you've written about where Elizabeth warns ideas would take us on regulation and spending. Can you give us the Reader's Digest version? She is in favour, basically of the German social democratic model. She wants to give workers and the federal government kind of combination of workers interest in the federal government, a huge amount more power over corporate governance, and that's going to be her big issue in what she would. She basically gets to do here is exert a sort of take a take a huge amount of control and power without a in particular over how how very large corporations work without any direct on budget cost and that allows her to continue making at least in passing a fiscal responsibility argument against for example, things like the tax Bill that Republicans passed last year, and the way the Democrats that Republicans have handled themselves with regard to debt and deficits, Nick, if a shoe. Was elected should be seventy one years old on election day, Joe Biden, and Michael Bloomberg would be seventy eight Bernie Sanders would be seventy nine are you in favor of a Logan's run constitutional amendment? Yeah. You know, I think we're only arguing over what what year, you know, the line gets drawn could we possibly draw the line at the same place as the age of eligibility, thereby eliminating the office of the presidency. Hey would be you know, that's the type of backroom deal. You gotta get Mitt Romney to pass with with that, shiny smile and smooth rhetoric. Just whatever whatever age just tamasha is there is that's legally. One of the questions, and I I think it, obviously it's too soon to tell them what happens over the next couple of years, but there is a generational shift happening, and it may not become fully clear in twenty twenty. But you know, this is similar to mad. I suspect that you among the other people on the podcast would remember this as much in the nineties, and it took it took a couple of presidential elections. But when Bill Clinton won in ninety two and then when he kicked Bob Dole's acid ninety six like, a resounding -ly, you know, that was the the the greatest generation kind of left the stage of power in the last vestiges of the baby boom generation and all of these people, you know, are roughly like that. And it's just it's kind of over for them, and like one or more of them might end up like eking out a win and sticking around Trump for a second term or got, you know, somebody like Biden or even Hillary or Elizabeth Warren, but the ways that younger people talk about. Stuff in this. It's not I don't I don't think it's merely stylistic. And I don't think it's illogical. But I think for libertarians especially in dealing with socialism. Nobody is talking about command control stuff for the most part. They're talking about arguments about fairness and about individuals being able to fully participate in everyday life in that. That means the government needs to be doing more in the socialist understanding, I think in the libertarian understanding we actually have similar aims. But rather would said that the government is already doing too many bad things and keeping people from being able to do stuff. But if I I worry if we don't shift our rhetoric to actually engage the arguments that are being advance in the designs that are being advanced by people, we it'll will kind of be like shouting pass people in a way that does not help get us to a point where we actually have a government that we can afford, and that will protect long-term sustainable sustainable, economic growth rather than just going off the cliff with all sorts of debt and deficits. And diminished economic growth, I Catherine there's a widespread worry of fear that expressed by Mark Sanford among other people your outgoing friends. Former congressman that you have the kind of Trumpian nationalism populist nationalism on the rights not just in this country. But a lot all over the world and kind of a respondent left populism that you could associate partly with Lisbeth, Warren and Bernie Sanders or a Akhazia Cortez on the left, and that that that too will lead us to both division and disaster going forward as you see the warns announcement and the reaction to it. And even the fights between Bernie broS and the Beddoe of broS out there. Do you see this sort of becoming a prophecy is is the Democratic Party heading kind of in that direct? Action firmly or do you think it's more still an open question? I think I think the Democratic Party particularly insurgent elements in the Democratic Party looked at Trump's nomination, and the general kind of lack of control of the Republican elites that allowed that to happen. And you know, some of them thought, oh, dear God, what a disaster. But a lot of them also thought like, well, we could do that. And I think that's that's one reason that that we're seeing you know, to my mind, an interesting more kind of a broader assortment of us coming up in these initial candidates in the people initially be named as potential candidates. You know, this sort of rise of the of the democratic socialist wing the rise of I think more aggressive progressive wing in the Democratic Party. It's it's it is all you know, the the end of control by the. Elites this this. Mitt Romney bed is is the counterpoint to this. Right. Romney is a patrician old school rich white dude elite guy, and he's he's the one who's saying let's do civility. And it's you know, I think it's actually a legitimate point to say the breakdown of these gatekeepers the the sort of end of the elite. Is is you know, it does have good effects. It does have the effect of letting people whose voices weren't heard get out there. It's just in the case of the Republican party. I think the the sort of weird quasi non elite to emerged as a hybrid out of that process. Donald Trump was not good. I think the Democrats can easily see the same thing a weird quasi non elite hybrid wildcard who will be populist in bed. Well, who do you who do you think if a on the right, though, I mean, you know, there is the progressive democratic caucus or whatever the socialist Democrats merica who are clearly insurgent. They are the, you know, they present themselves as the voice of young people of diverse people and occasional Cortez's clearly like the embodiment right now. Although other people are going to be moving into that space as well. Is there anything on the right? That is interesting. I mean, we have our pals. You know, the the guys that we've been championing particularly just in a mosh, and then Thomas Massie and. And ram Paul and a couple of others. But it's a mosh. I think is the kind of standard bearer of that. But you know, the Republican side of does not seem to have a libertarian wing that is worth shit or is even putting up much of a fight. And then beyond that, the really doesn't seem to be any kind of coherent new philosophy. They really argest kind of chugging along, and they take whatever Trump wants. And then they pretend that that's what they've always believed. But is there an insurgency that is like eight not even younger per se. But is a newer different set of ideas that have something to do with, you know, with the world we live in. I mean, I think you know, this is this is something that we've talked about on this podcast before. But I think Thomas Massie kind of called this. When the there was a thing that looked to us like a libertarian insurgency. It was the tea party, it we I drank the flavor aid for sure on that one. And it's and I think, you know, wouldn't you drink the tea? You know, that's good. Can you get an orderly combo? Drink tea like immune something else. Now. It means. Like, oh, you told them what for I think? But the I guess what? I mean to say is that it's possible that we are. We are. I think we should be cautious about misreading. The interesting coherent kind of vibrant, you know, insurgent democratic socialist and progressive wings, the Democratic Party because they too might just be the craziest motherfuckers in the room. Just as Massie said when I thought, you know, when people were voting for me, I thought they were voting for my principles. They were actually the craziest motherfucker in the room. And Donald Trump is the best in class at son of a bitch. But they've got like eighty metres stepmother call. Yeah. So it's. It's a different. But I guess I think the tea party was that. And that was the cycle that we had of libertarian-looking wing in the party. And now we're in disillusionment cycle libertarian. So I I will answer that a little bit differently. Which is that I think that there is no new interesting polit- policy movement on the conventional political right, and especially within the Republican party. But there is one that kind of exists out there outside of what we are seeing from the DA, folks. And from the progress, you know, sort of the progressive caucus types in congress, and that's the the young tech world their politics. If you look at surveys of tech leaders of tech workers out in Silicon Valley, they're not libertarian in traditional sense. But they look a lot more libertarian than anything else right now. And so again, I want to be clear, they're not they're they are not down the line. Kedo reason. Milton Friedman libertarian in any sense. But there, but they really are very skeptical of regulation, some of the social media hearings in congress notwithstanding when you and you look into the basically are like, well, we think high taxes are okay. And we're fine with large transfer payments as long as they are simple. But what we want is for the government to get out of the way of business of entrepreneurs business elites and of of the private sector when it in when in in terms who were some of these people. He's folks are not the Gernot a movement that is outspoken, and that's the thing is that are that they're not outlier trying to give me name name me because you're not you're not talking Peter Thiel. But are you talking a, you know, who who's ab- Representative again, I don't think that this is a movement in terms of people trying to change politics. But when you look at the surveys of tech workers and of tech tech sort of elites people who are at the top of the food chain in the tech world. You see a somewhat like a notably different political outlook than you see kinda anywhere else in the country. And and I think that given the overall kind of salience influence of the tech of the tech world both on our instrument in terms of our politics and our economy that is a perspective that we are going to see a lot more of over the next ten to twenty years. I just wanna point out in partial answer to next question. A one at the freedom caucus, you know, at its height had some muscle and thirty five members, but its leadership has gone us. Simply Mark meadows Jim Jordan into full like Trump defense mode. And I think has lost a lot of interest in terms of its potency since then and the dwindling the are group of the the reason caucus on Capitol Hill is teeny tiny justna mosh said. Tweeted recently, happy new year, a liberty revolution is coming. So we have that to look forward to which notable optimism and and beyond that. I mean, the Republican party right now, if you start looking who is being discussed as a possible, either a primary earlier to Donald Trump or someone to encase, you know, Trump decides to pull an LBJ, and and just one term at peace out that could mean so many say us at bats a at LBJ just take dump it on of somebody else during a meeting like that's one thing. Dog up by the by the years. I happened a lottery and Robert Carroll, man. You learn stuff you can't unlearn. Yes. Super can't. But no mitt Romney's up. Abe was greeted by a lot of people like, okay. You know, he's running as a possible type thing. But Don, Trump could could also he could reside the impeached, whatever. So who are these people right now who were being discussed in those terms or who were trying to nominate themselves for discussion. It's romney. It's John casick. The people are attempting to generate enthusiasm for Larry freaking HOGAN, the governor of Maryland. And no started of oh good. Basic thing is the civility and blanking up. Flake has has people mentioned him, but he's kind of taken himself out of that. If lake was more in that, which I think he'd be crazy to do it just because you get beaten up from face and neck, but I drone John case. I mentioned John casick. I look in that crowd. And with the exception of flake who again is said, I basically not going to do this. I don't see a lot of libertarian friendly new policies coming in. But there's there's just not a lot of libertarian friendly policies anywhere right now. Right. I mean, like why that thing let me say that's not quite true. There are some there's criminal Justice reform. There's we've certainly seen a a lot of positive basically positive action on a marijuana legalization on some of those things. But when it comes to the kind of core economic and budgetary issues size of government issues. Regulation, maybe you can say, you know, look regular shown, but but when it comes to sort of core fiscal issues, we just have not seen a huge amount of libertarian policy. People basically given up on size of government as an as you think of why why do you think that is because this, you know, this is not like. A small thing. And it's like, oh, you know, we gotta wait until you know, we're stuck on this desert islander that's desert planet. We just have to wait for the next time. A rocket ship comes close enough. We can Hal it down. And maybe hitch a ride is it, you know, nothing has changed in terms of the overall kind of you know, the size scope and spending of government. I mean there and even to the extent there there have been some good to regulatory changes. They've all been made of like, well, we just want less regulation, and nobody seems to be making a larger argument have we I guess I'm asking the group have we forgotten to rehearse the arguments for why having a s- a government that does lessen spends less is actually a good thing for a wide variety of people. Or are we merely, you know, kind of like not even getting to why this happens. It's just like, well, we're in favor of this. But now, we're not in favor of it anymore because we did jump a, you know, we jumped a creek at some point. I think at the end of Bush in the beginning of Obama where ever. Everybody was like fuck it. We don't care about any kind of fiscal restraint. And in the end like we now have government spending as a percentage of GDP that has ratcheted up over twenty percent, which is extremely rare during peacetime, and it's just gonna keep going up. And like we need to claw back. You know, a different set of sense of sensibility that the government can't just keep throwing money at stuff because we everybody's getting something. So we might as well get are. I mean, like, I think we need to really kind of revise our arguments and make them you make them great again. The problem is not like libertarians haven't explained what libertarians think enough. I think I think more optimistic take on. It is to say that you know, like in academic disciplines how you've got like once upon a time. Everything was philosophy like all of studying and thinking about the world was philosophy. And as things became. As as people actually learned things about various sub disciplines they became their own thing. Like Aristotle was doing biology until biology became its own thing. And then like, you know, mathematics broke up like I kind of think maybe an optimistic take on. This is like well libertarianism isn't winning as a category people aren't doing more people don't identifies. Libertarians people aren't doing libertarianism. But each time one of our things goes mainstream. It just breaks off and becomes its own thing. It just becomes criminal Justice reform, and everybody's for it now or it becomes drug legalization, and everybody's for it now becomes gay marriage and captured to be hamster revolution. And then it's like, I guess I think we could you could tell a story. That's like, you know, don't don't try to spend more time tilling the specific little libertarian field and putting up the fences like just just push stuff out into other people's disciplines. That was. We're losing your saying, we're we're all using the systemic argument while winning the individual arguments, I agree with I agree with a lot of that. But I think it's also true that what happens is that in the current context than like say over regulation, you know, when people which, you know, Trump has loosened up a bunch of EPA regulations and FDA regulations all of which seemed to be going pretty, well, the argument that gets pushed for them is that like while these places just regulate too much, and it's better to have less regulation. The people who push back and say, look, it's special interest politics, and it's just you're paying big pharmaceutical companies or polluters and things like that. And you know, it is actually worth kind of making that larger argument as these different beads on the on the chain or whatever are being strung together to kind of say, hey, you know, what? Like this the good stuff that is happening here all fits into this larger narrative, and I I don't expect it to be you know, like we're gonna wake up and. Everybody's going to be libertarian or anything like that. But there is a very strong. I mean, I'm thinking about the way high talk at the end of YM, not a conservative where the future is always between socialists and libertarians or liberals because we're the only ones who have a vision of the future really an an an appalling things are pushing things in direction, whereas conservatives tend to kind of drag behind and go in one direction or the other. And I think we really need to revive the large arguments, which are not the dogmatic narrow dogmatic arguments from libertarians often make, but it is question of like, how do you live in a world is more free more fair more fun and richer and keep folding those back into what we're doing because otherwise, it's just local politics, and it's special interest politics. And I don't think it's a I don't I don't think that's enough of a vision to get more people moving in the direction that they should. I just too narrowly answer your question, Nick, the stories that power corrupted. There was a broad-based pretty interesting. Macro we need to get federal government under control from two thousand nine in two thousand thirteen when that view was an opposition. But that opposition grew from the grassroots upwards and produce noon interesting characters and produced a sequestration and some other things that were I think definitely on the pod on track. But those people got those people got power, and they and they became corrupted, and then and lost interest in that in that fight. That's what happens. It's a cycle. It sucks and in doing so they have sown the seeds of their own not going to be taken seriously next time, MS them, and that's a that's a big problem for all of us going forward. But to Catherine's point Peter's point and the point that we argued in a book from seven eight years ago that a lot of this stuff happens us single issue, go in in various places. Thank you. You for the bingo, I'm going to pivot here at the end. We usually do are what you have been a reading watching smoking a thing at the end of the pockets. But since it's it's a new year since twenty nineteen we are going to give give New Year's resolutions to various people here. I'm going to start just to give Nick enough time to figure out what he's going to say. But also to sort of demonstrate the project and to build on the critique, the Nick was having earlier of my New Year's resolution is to Mitt Romney, which is to say go for it, bro. Do it. But not just to he think he had his op Ed like I'll speak out against significant statements or actions that are divisive racist sexist. Okay. We we get that ev- McMullen. But if you actually want to be useful in this role. That means that your enemy or your adversary is not necessarily Donald Trump. It is. Mitch mcconnell. It is go out there and hold your breath until you turn purple. In order to get amendments fan in order to get bills passed on the or don't sit back, and let Senate majority leader say I am not going to allow ex to be discussed unless I know the president totally loves it ex could be a things like what? Bob corker tried to do earlier this past year. A which is to say, hey, look, there should be congressional approval opera down vote on if the president decides he's going to invoke national security in a very bogus way in in order to slap a tariff that never got voted on because McConnell was scared and as Bob corker memorably put it we don't want to poke the bear. So let's poke the bear a bit Romney. And again, your adversary. There is Mitch McConnell if you want to get something done instead of just say, oh, you know, is a bad tweet in the tone is bad. Like, no, actually, what's bad is the way that congress. Exercises its oversight capabilities and does its basic fucking job of legislating. And that is the memo Nikki had enough time to figure out your New Year's resolution to a politician. Go ahead, or anyone I really I thought you were going to end up with a Beretta esque, and that's the name of that tat. See they'll look, you know, don't steal your own thunder. Go ahead. Go ahead, Catherine. I want to steal my resolution. It's only steel Bob's. Bob Seger's thunder in the future. Matt because that's all he seems to have not my actual resolution. And I think I had suggested this. I'm I'm going to pull something out of the playbook of Mr Michael Jackson. And I'm not going to, you know, resolve for somebody else to do better. I am a simply like Voltaire's candied. I'm going to try to tend my own garden better. Not be such a dick all the time. Those respectful. I know there was a snort. Tried. I my resolution for everyone in Washington. But especially for the Washington press corps is to assume good faith. I think, you know, this is this is my resolution every day and always, but what's your hidden agenda? Yeah proposing. Thank you. Feeder just assume that the people who disagree with you disagree with you because they think the thing they wanna do is the right thing. And you know, this is obviously not everyone acts in good faith, all the time. But better to err on the side of assuming that people acting good faith, which right now, we are way too far on the side as a punditocracy and probably as the society in assuming that people are acting inside motivations. That's all Peter besides utilizing the mute button, which works for all of what we just said, you know, improving ourselves having bit Romney be a jerk to bitch McConnell, and assuming good faith of youth button is your friend. What is your New Year's resolution for other people? Yeah. It's not far from that. I mean, speaking of Thanos, my resolution is for Donald Trump, and it also happens to be my resin. Lucien for myself, which is spend less time on Twitter. I thought your resolution was going to be killed half of humanity. So that turned out better than the real through right there. Just in a pocket universe. They're gonna come back. That's witter. I think Twitter may have actually crossed into a I don't I don't know. What's what's the right term? When something gets our. I mean, it's like it's gotten pretty vinegar. And I don't know if it come back. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Twitter is the pocket universe that. We've all been sent to by Trump Thanos, Andy Lon musk that's all the pot huffing. We have time to engage in here. Thank you. For listening to the reason. Fuck gassed special Wednesday edition of the editor's roundtable. Subscribe reason podcasts everywhere, apple podcasts. Spotify excetera? Thank you and Sally forth.

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Names as Colors and Colors of Names

The Good News Podcast

06:38 min | 1 year ago

Names as Colors and Colors of Names

"Hi I'm calling your host for the good news podcast and I'm neil the other host the good news. Podcast is your source for Good News Fun Stories Auditory Delight and Sonic Joy. We're bringing you all of this goodness from beautiful downtown Chicago now Neil. We have mentioned before something that is interesting to both of us. And it's the phenomenon known as Cynthia. Yes when someone sees numbers as colors that is specific variation of it. Yeah I think there's a lot of different sectors. I think people smell that. It's kind of like when you're older sure crossed and connected and related. I don't have it but I definitely have some things in my brain that for a long time. I saw words coming out of people's mouths when they were talking. I'm news to me isn't high school for Awhile. I could cartoon the words would like fall out and I would see them and it was very distracting and I had to like really focus on nothing anymore. Anyway that's not what this is about. Well should be rousing the inner tubes and I've found a long. This lady named Bernadette Sheridan has a post son here says what color is your name a new sinister Usua- tool we'll show you now. She has it and she's got a specific form called graph FEM- colors sesia. Which is what you were discussing. Sure so every letter of the alphabet correlates to a color so when she hears someone's name it has color associated. Yeah yeah that's the one that I've heard of before. Well you can go on this little website here and you can type in your name and you can see what color she sees. And I'd like to pull yours up for you please do. And this is gonNA open up a whole can of worms because what if someone types in their name who has sent a SESIA and A. It's exactly the same and they find out that they have a sinister leisure twin and be. It's totally different. And that person realizes that not only do they have since Legia. They have a totally unique set of colors agenda. Birth options are an interesting little. You know the age old question of do you see the same blue see I mean? I don't know I was wrong. Her blog links you to a website called CINECITTA DOT me. What color is your name? Whose Color Palette business. I think it's hers. I think it's just a separate website. Okay so I'm going to type in your name here so you can see what it looks like to her or yeah I guess. Her Green Yellow White Grey or those colors. Uc Brown. Yeah how do you feel about that? not good actually. Yeah I feel worse. This makes me sick so much worse about it than I am surprised by how much I don't like that. Color Palette I agree I agree I did like yours but I gotta tell you. Mine is even worse up terrain red blue white yellow. I think it's important to note that it's not like the green is like a pea-green a vomit. Sikri ads green red red navy blue white and corn husks of cornflower yellow. Yeah and the way. It seems extra vibrant does so. I guess this is bad news. Then Y- yeah that makes me embarrassed to spend to say my name to someone who has some. Well let's see your legal name dear listeners. Your legal well. My legal name is Edward forever out there. Well let's see what that Ooh more interest. I really like Edward. Edward is Yellow Navy Blue Even Darker Navy Blue Red Purple Navy. Blue is feels regal. This one looks regal. Well I'M GONNA do my legal name which is Katherine Katherine. I don't care for that either. Yeah go on similar SESIA DOT me and type it in and see how you feel about it because you might really love it and you might feel sick like we do and if any listener has since specifically this kind reach out to us any kind. Actually we're really interested in it and I would like to put together a similar Palette of at least like your name my name. Maybe their name as well and see if they agree and see well. I'm interested in get bear with me. 'cause they're already people who are hearing names and seeing colors and I bet if it's an ugly color. Yeah you don't want to hear that name over time right. I don't know that's a really good question because I think Neil has a nice sound too because I like you. Yes because it could also be like Neil. Yeah I hate it then I might feel differently. The day is here. Please paying us. I'd love to see what our names look like to you. Yeah and if if anybody goes on the site and feels really strongly about color choice. Yeah pop it up on twitter or Instagram with love. Instagram boost. Thanks for listening. Do you have good news? Incredible or maybe you want to tell us a joke idea. Excellent email us at hello at the good news podcast dot. Fm or leave us a voicemail. Seven seven three two one seven zero one five six. You can also tweet us at the Good News Pot and follow us on instagram too. And if you love the good news podcast think about supporting us on our pitron page. Must've our music is by Paddington bear.

Edward Bernadette Sheridan instagram Chicago Neil Yellow Navy Katherine Katherine Paddington Uc Brown Legia twitter
#352: Rotten Basement Walls, Conditioned Shops, and Air-Sealing a 60s Ranch

The Fine Homebuilding Podcast

1:10:08 hr | Last month

#352: Rotten Basement Walls, Conditioned Shops, and Air-Sealing a 60s Ranch

"This episode of the fine home building. Podcast is brought to you by bill. Book a lot of construction pros have common problem. You're construction management software is either nonexistent or it is too slow and too complex. It shouldn't be bogged down with complicated features that you have to attend the academy to learn how to use. You need software. You can start using day one without training that is faster and more reliable than your notepad that allows you your team and your clients to always know what getting done and win and your software should reduce stress not increase it. The solution bill book bill book is built for today's modern builder with everything. You need nothing you don't whether you're a one man operation or business with a large crew. Bill book has a plan to fit your budget. No nagging sales calls tricky up sales or hidden fees head over to bill book. Dot co and sign up for our free ten day trial. And don't forget to mention that you heard about them on the fine. Home building podcast. That's bill book dot co. i'm thinking of doing that. It wouldn't be that big a deal in my house. It's a little to put your take to move everything out and do it. Yeah i can move it into the barn. We can move it. Robs free next weekend welcomed the fine home building. Park cast are weakened discussion building remodeling and designed tablets aimed at anybody who cares deeply about the craft and science of working on houses. This is the end patron mccomb and joined by rob watts. Act digital brand manager. Hello brian puzzle. Willow editor editor editors editor. Whatever and our producer. Jeff does a lot like being on a jobsite working at fine home building. You know one day one day. You're you're of you know ordering re ordering people around the next day sweeping the floors just doing what needs to be not. That's great to see you guys. I really appreciate your coming by last minute. I usually try and give my co-host at least a couple of days notice. But today i sprung this because i'm trying to go on a photo shoot tomorrow. We'll see how that goes to weather is kind of iffy. But what are you guys from. Working around the house brian. You've got some big news well Maybe a wrinkle no. There's not a wrinkle. I i shared with patrick earlier that we found actually a condo to buy that. We're kind of excited about which was which was a big surprise because it was we weren't looking at condos at all and we decided to kind of change are the geographical area that we were looking for places and this was one of the well we were looking at a. We're looking at home. Detached single family home and it sold really fast. And but but it had. It had brought us into this new area in south carolina that we're interested in in checking out more. We ended up finding this condo. And it's really great for for all of our our needs right now and So i i still excited about it and everything is moving along. But y'all know what it's like to get through the process of buying place it's early. It's not a fun process. So you know once you have that offer accepted and you have contract and all of that kind of stuff you still gotta deal with bank in the lawyers and appraisals and so home inspector. Yes so we'll say I believe when removing her stopping. Do you have a home inspection on the condo. Is that work like a does with a single family home you you can't you certainly can And it sort of sort of up to you how you want to do it. You know this is all new to me not having condo before or thought i was ever gonna live in a condo but you know the condo association is responsible for everything from the drought allow. So they're really responsible for everything but you know finished materials in your possession. So you've got a great arrangement to me. Yes you can have action right. But if there's if there's a problem if there's some broaden the roof framing or something that's discovered down the road it's yours to fix anyway rowen. Choose not to live there. If if the roof is going to start leaking on your a. you're you could. And so. I'm doing sort of so. We decided to do some sort of limited inspections. You're definitely having even though again. It's not it's not Sort of the owner's responsibility. We're having termite inspection done. And what can you like put a blower door and do your own blower door test. I don't want to be in this place. Yeah but it's it's actually. It really feels like an excellent place for us right now and i said just a big surprise because i like projects and i like i like You know working on my home early. People who listen to podcasts. Went through a lot of remodeling projects with me. Many years ago last home we owned but right now with some of the life things we have going on. This seems like a great a great choice for us so I've got an excellent partner. Who is open to me by. She said you can buy a house down the road if you remodel something totally willing to belgium. I need my need to do that kind of stuff. I think it's where you are a good option. You know a especially if you can't who can buy a house right now it's impossible. It's really rob. What are you doing actually. I just want to ask a question. You gotta let us know what if if and when this all resolves like connecticut. It's like what is it like fifty pages of documents. You have to sign when you buy a house. You ask a lawyer there to lawyers sometimes. And and meanwhile my. My brother-in-law in michigan said it was like buying. His first house was about the same as going dmv and registering car. And so. i'm just curious to see what the differences you know down down where you are. I'm sure differs a lot from state to state but yes so hard. It's still seems pretty involved job. I mean we have to do with a lot of a lot of details to take care of in a lot of things that you know that the bank needs to kind of check off off their list And so interesting to me. That the whole process zoned to me. You know i had my. I had my last mortgage with the same bank and i'm getting my mortgage from which is the same bag that i do my banking at but when you're applying for mortgage say tree like they've never heard of before and it's. It's not personal brian. It's business so i think it's so commerce. My bank needs me to provide their own statements. Back to the. I know i think the bankers just need a folder that measures a certain thickness for them to get approval from their loan officer. Whoever it is what. You've been working on rom. Well i've talked to you about that. That basement floor that very well know what what i was going to sell us owner working on. I wrapped that up. But it's starting to get warm and humid. And i have noticed that my basement is not as damn as it normally would be this year so cool. It was a very expensive experiment but it seems to have paid off great and it makes even more importantly a good space for you to use right now. I'm already filling it up with stuff. But it's another story but other than that. I told you we were contemplating digging a small plunge pool in the backyard. I remember that. I got that seemed like another one of those projects in mind that you were a little skeptical of what makes you think that rob now but we you know we we were looking into it and i had sort of a number in my head what i thought it might cost. You said of rough guests. Because i was doing a lotta labor myself and trying to come up with simple system using like a slab in black construction and then when i got zoning permit But then when. I was going to permit i. I've seen so many examples of pools built this way. I didn't really think about the fact that every single pool has to have an engineer extension on it says like oh yeah so when you buy a kit or a premade pool or from pool company. They're taking care of all that for you so it is something that would have been a hurdle that i couldn't have gotten past but it was just getting late in the season and it was starting to add more and more expensive to the project that i had anticipated and i finally like inching inching up there so So we decided to hold off for now. But i found some some other alternatives. That might work out. Part of the problem is i would have bought a kit kit cool to do an grumble like the earliest. I could get one with the demand the way it is right now with september so I might actually still consider that in order to be putting in next spring. But in the meantime the initial money that we had set aside to start this project we we went in order to six hundred dollar inflatable hotak. That'll hold us. I think that's a great solution for the short term. All i can think about rob when people want pools and spas is electrical consumption. I went to a seminar one time to look about getting p panels put on my roof and the woman who was representing. The peavey company was looking at people's utility bills to see if they were their ideal candidate. They want people who use lots of juice and they look at your bill and the guy in front of me in line was showing her and she's like you have a pool and he's like yes. I have a pool. How did you know. And she's like well. I can tell your electricity use triples during the summertime. Months when you're using the pool and running the pump and that's all i never. I'll never be able to have a pool with a good feeling about it knowing that well. You know i mentioned to you that. I was looking into solar pool pumps and i found a couple of places that sell kits for dc. Seventy two volt dc half worse parable bump that would have been sufficient for this sized pool. Because it's tiny little pool that i was gonna build. I have not talked to any of the people at those manufacturers yet to see how viable they are. But the thing is you. Don't run a pool pump twenty four hours a day so if the there's enough solar exposure in the daytime and you also grow mould when it's sunny not when it's what less so when it's cloudy so it might actually be kind of an interesting symbiotic relationship between the solar exposure and the and the need for the pump to be running. It's something i'll definitely be doing research into so if anybody has experienced that listening. Please share your feedback with us. It's an interesting segue. Because speaking of stored solar energy. I cut up all the cordwood that i had caught from that law. That was standing in. My yard borrowed our neighbors log splitter and did that over the weekend with liam's help open ended up with so if anyone wants to know how much cordwood is in a twenty four inch diameter twenty foot tall oak log. It's about to face cords or a whole cord so if you're doing your firewood calculations there you go. How's your backyard. That wasn't too bad The rounds were huge. You know a two foot by eighteen inch tall round of otas gotta be hundreds of pounds ray. But somehow i didn't get hurt you. You have to only pick up half of it right at a time. Kinda roll it. Yeah i spent last. What's at the physics. And i put the splitter in the vertical mode. You don't physically have to pick the round and put it onto the carrier you just slide it. Roll it under it. And then last weekend wasn't even more challenging project. Carol friend gave her a six by greenhouse kit. And these things cost a few hundred bucks. I looked it was like six hundred and fifty dollars. You could buy one of these things for so as you might imagine. It's a lot. Like i ki- furniture except it's got instead of dozens of parts hundreds of parts and it took all the intellectual capacity. I had to put this thing together because the folks had started to put it together and then abandon it so it was a basket case of greenhouse parts so what held the clear panels into the into that because a friend of mine had a smaller version of the similar. To what you you're on your deck there and he said that the panels were not held in by. I don't know if he's missing parts but he made some sort of elaborate wood frame because the battle pennells seem to fit really loosely inside the aluminum. Channels well you know. That's the keys to the kingdom of the whole thing right and they fit in aluminum extrusions and they're locked in at the bottom of the eve side with these little metal clips and then they're plastic clips that screw into the aluminum extrusions that kind of hold the metal clips in place. It's all very minimalist in its construction but it seems to work if you have all the parts and i screwed into our deck as you observe because i'm sure that you would have to live in a part of the country that has absolutely no wind. Is there a place like that. I mean i think it would blow away it. Just it has to be fixed. Something sure that is another thing. You talk about the weight of trees and how people underestimate that. Think people. Also underestimate the sir. You have a surface area of something. If it's not doesn't have sufficient mass how easy it is for the wind to move it. Anyone is tried to carry a sheet of plywood. Rigid insulation in res. We'll tell you. How much pressure is exerted on the agenda. Agrees to advocating sheet of plywood. Everything's going just and the only reason. You notice the breezy because all of a sudden you can't hold that flowered kiss you're being blown off course one of the dumbest things i probably ever did was ahead to work on a second floor deck one day and i was there by myself and i could not move the material through the inside of the house so i was trying to move sheets of plywood for temporary like work surfaces up to that second floor deck and it was like one of those days where there's a little bit of a breeze and that's come at a little bit breezy as common. I had to like a head to cut time. It just purchase right to get up there without the thing being ripped out of my hands. I've heard of all kinds of people get really seriously hurt. And i know mythbusters tested like could you hold it horizontally then and then slow your descent and the answer is no it just lands on your head so you're better off getting it away from you so we got some great feedback is always this comes from katherine katherine says dear. F hp podcast. I was listening to episode three forty four and kept wanting to chime in over and over again. I hope you will permit me my commentary. I apologize for any lack of editing. As i'm pressed for time. I agree with the letter. Writer who commented that energy efficiency isn't a great reason to switch your oven and range. He's correct that grid. Electricity asked to consume fossil fuels to create electricity which is then as use an oven. So there's an additional energy. Conversion step in electrical ovens that natural gas ovens and ranges don't have however when it comes to the cook top induction is actually more efficient than you might think because it heats the pan directly rather than heating gas of some sort which then heats the pan that being said cooking such a tiny percentage of over all energy consumption and a home about one tenth of that for space heating or water heating. That it's not a good reason to avoid electrifying everything else nor is it a good reason to keep your natural gas line. Another letter writer commented on the high temperature of reu students due to solar heat gain. He's totally correct. That roof temperature can get extremely hot up to one hundred and fifty degrees fahrenheit which makes insulating the roof more important than it would seem just by looking at outdoor temperatures. This is why there's an entire a cool roof program which uses light colored paints to reduce roof temperatures. The science of this always blew my mind. There's a reason that reuss and natural gas or liquid natural gas tanks are like colors instead of shiny metal shiny metal has lower absorption of solar energy but it has lower ms it im- acidity a thermal energy. This means that white paint absorbs more energy than shiny aluminum but it readmits it even even more energy which is why it remains cooler and why metal slides are so darn hot. So our energy is predominantly at a different wavelength and thermal infrared. Which is why this happens. Finally how can you find a good contractor without word of mouth. Try consumers checkbook checkbook dot org were subscribers rate contractors and other service providers and no one has paid for higher rankings. This is a service you have to pay for. But that's what makes it hard to game. Not a building performance expert catherine. It's interesting that she brought up sick. That cool The roof of movement and in a we covered that a while ago and find homebuilding kind of like had intention to it for last year at some point. I got pitched a story about from from a regular regular contributed contributor. Ours have threatened to reese. Anyway he he pitched me story for gb. A about the effectiveness of cool walls and i was skeptical at first about that story. because I it just seemed like the a strategy that might have sort of a nut did not did. I doubted the efficacy of cool walls. But that it would be of minimal. Benefit was my was where my dad came into play But i trust fernando a lot with his research reporting and he wouldn't have pitched it to me if he wasn't already onto a good story and he certainly turned in a an article. I really packed with data. And there's been a lot of study up of this in now. There is a there is a cool wall movement. That is exactly what does she was speaking about. Just on roofs just for similar treatment for walls and made a very specific materials being developed. Now to meet those needs. I might have worked on that feature i at least in some capacity or whatever and what what i found most interesting about who roofs is. They often don't cost any more than regular materials like. It's it's something that is very easy to make perform much better than conventional roofing materials short. So thanks very much for that catherine and thanks for listening. This comes from brian. Hi podcast. I've been enjoying both your podcasts. On pro talk it is especially interesting to hear from people such as sue wyden who so clearly really enjoyed doing what they're doing. Keep up the good job a few weeks ago you ask for listeners. Report about the price of construction materials. Yesterday i purchased pressure treated lumber for a small deck on building. I don't want to start at the patio versus ground level discussion again but it is a ground level dak and hence why i needed a bunch of. I almost dropped the phone when the salesperson at the lumber yard said that i was over the one thousand dollar price limit for phone orders the deck is only six twenty and i'd already purchased the framing lumber separately a single twenty-foot pt. Two by four is now thirty dollars and fourteen cents plus nine point seven five percent sales tax and one percent lumber tax. Whatever that is what is that. Have you guys heard of lumber tax. I think this is a california serving. Yeah i also needed a couple of streets of half inch plywood. Eight thirty seven east before tax. I'm located in el cerrito california just outside of san francisco so i'm used to higher prices for most things but this is getting quite ridiculous. Take care bryan. Thanks brian rob. You've been posting your weekly your trips to home depot and the escalating price of advantec. As i recall. I haven't i haven't been to home depot at least a week or two so haven't haven't done the updates but the weird thing is like it's weird to see what are cheap and what aren't because it's not just across the board like my dad. Today was talking to me about some project. He was working on music. You should just get these. These pressure treated five and a half inch wide fence pickets that they sell at home depot for like a dollar a dollar for a fence ticket. I went two dollars and eighteen cents for aboard. That was six feet. Long pressure treated five eight inch thick and five and a half inch wide. And it's just it's just really cheap pine but But then then you pay it by by pressure treated two by four for thirty bucks while this long one thought it was. I thought i was reading that wrong. Honestly i thought it was nine seventy five because that was the sales tax i. It's like that blew my mind so no projects around here. I can save until i get some more salvage material from something else so jeff. We have a special treat. One of our listeners recorded her feedback. Would you mind playing high. Everyone fine home. Building is my favorite podcast. And i thought i'd share one of our twenty twenty projects. My husband and i renovated our master. Bath ourselves. I heard you discussing on a past episode about kerbala showers and i wanted to give some insight into how are kerbala. Shower install has performed. It has a linear tolerable drain and no door. Just one twenty nine inch pane of glass to protect the vanity as for the title linear drain. We installed it against the back wall. Our situation is such that installing the drain at the entry was not an option as a shower showers not located in an alcove. We finished the project in november. Twenty twenty. so we've had a bit of time to test rain. We've haven't had any issues with the drink clogging my husband and i both have long hair and it's not very difficult to remove the drain for cleaning though you do need to be careful when you're taking out the drain cover as you could scratch surrounding surfaces if you're careless it's Pretty heavy since it's covered in tile I believed you had listener have issues with a drain at the location of the shower entry. I can't recall the episode. i'm sorry But ours located against the wall is functioning. Just fine without any problems We clean the drain about every four weeks. And it only takes a few minutes We also have a freestanding tub next to but not inside the shower You have concerns highlighted episode to eighty five like the podcast mentioned I was also concerned about water. Possibly making its way down between the tub and the floor where it shouldn't be so we just made sure. The shower pan was pretty sizable which is forty eight by sixty inches. So water had the best chance to flow into the drain rather than on the flat tub area. We utilize wall mounted faucets cocked under the tub. Just on the side facing the shower and kind of haphazardly talked waterproof tub drainpipe as best as possible as it is water rarely even splashes near the tub. And i can't honestly see any bulk water getting under there with normal use Since we do not have a door to the shower just one pane of glass to protect the vanity In planning for the situation we waterproof the entire room which the shower walls the floor and including four inches up the adjacent walls. Behind the baseboards in that's probably excessive in use. Surprisingly we don't have much splash outside of the shower area around the glass and even with a typically angled shower head. That's not an issue Though we do have a rain head as well which is usually recommended to reduce splashing in this type of situation. is also worried that the lack of door or open concept shower would mean that showering would be cold and it turns out this is not the case even with a high ceilings in the room we also installed an electric heated floor to eight drying. I have tested. How quickly the floor dries with and without the floor heat and it does make a difference in the dry time going from anywhere from ten to fifteen hours down to two to three hours to completely dry. The floor warming system is also a very nice edition for comfort and our cat is also a fan if you like us to share more about our experiences with lowering the floor or anything else about this project. We'd be happy to thanks. Thanks that was awesome right. What's that she did everything right. And it's gorgeous bathroom. I love to. Yeah love them bathroom. I major transformation. I mean it was pretty elaborate bathroom before it out. So much more spacious. It looked like they took out one giant jacuzzi. Tub put in a really nice understated Three standing tub. Can i just say they put the drain in the right place instead near the door like that was the problem with the collar. She was referencing. Rate and caller. I call a caller Yeah that's just that's way harder to do for eight one. The slopes to the drain which is at the edge of the shower. That doesn't make any sense to me. Well don't they don't people put them at the At the entry because in remodels often because of its easy way to elevate the florida get the slope yes they're building up instead of going in ranking going in right because otherwise you'd have to have a step at that and trade that obviously defeats the purpose. I mean we have article about that process. Right so i guess i love. I love craigslist showers in. I think those Drains that you can tell on top of are such an elegant solution they did just look great in and it's nice to be in there right. It's nice to me in there. We heard from a number of folks our discussion about the acoustic treatment of the music student hog to music studio conversion that we talked about in episode. Three forty six kylie made the point that you have to treat this space acoustically. But she was using the word soundproofing. And i didn't pick up on this but a number of listeners. Did what kylie was talking about is discussed by somebody who knows way more about this than ideal. Scott scott writes in in response to podcast number. Three forty-six i wanted to give my two cents on the soundproofing discussion. I'm an audiovisual engineering and have some background in acoustic design. I the term soundproofing a misnomer off news by those who confuse two very different aspects of acoustics acoustics acoustical isolation versus acoustical treatment in the podcast seemed kylie was referring to the ladder and patrick the former acoustical isolation is concerned with the prevention of sound from leaving or entering a space as this building is out in the country. Sound leaving the space. Maybe isn't a concern unless they are actually recording and then they might be concerned with outside noise being captured such as a truck driving by dogs barking etc mechanical decoupling mass looting and extreme air sealing are all involved some basic results can be achieved with careful air sealing mineral insulation and double layer. Drywall green glue inbetween. After that things get difficult and costly with low frequencies like the rumble of truck driving by acoustical treatment deals with house. Down propagates within a space. I e how does the rooms sound is their low frequency. Build up or harsh slap back. Echo treatment is a bit easier to deal with and very diy -able an easy approaches to use two inch risen rigid fiberglass panels. Like owens corning seven. Oh three attached drywall. Corner be to the edges and rapid and breathable fabric muslin and hang them on the walls with two inch air gap behind them. The air gap increases low-frequency absorption and makes them behave more like four inch panels if low-frequency build up as a problem block off the corner of the rooms additional panels and packs a miserable installation behind them. If you're framing in the interior of the space making the walls not parallel. Parallel is a huge bonus. Think of standing directly perpendicular to a wall and throwing a ping pong ball at it. It comes right back at you if the wall was splayed. The wall will deflect different direction and thus lose a lot of energy by the time it gets back to you. Acoustical theory and treatment can be a rabbit hole but basic efforts can get pretty good results. Also that egg crate foam. Even the acoustical stuff is really only useful for high frequency. The rigid fiberglass is a far superior solution. An important note sound treatment typically does next to nothing for isolation you can treat the inside of a room to a great degree but it will not prevent sound from leaving or entering that space. Another important note still waiting on my f- hp sticker from previously haired questions. My bandsaw is filled up. But there's plenty of space left on my joyner. Scott scott i will try and get you one of those out. It's been sticker lockdown recently but I have a lot of catching up to do when i can get back in the office. What do you think. Great input on that subject very subject right. Brian is that His training move into this realm. Yes i think his program. He studies audio design in production. And so i think that there's a there's certainly an aspect of the program that relates to acoustical design in is he is designed the learning to designed systems for different types of installations in buildings or live sound or whatever it might be certainly learning how to design music studios and recording booths in that type of thing although that's not his passion so i don't hear nearly as much about that as i do. The music side of things. But it's fascinating you know it's physics and you know when i ask them questions i you know. I don't understand his answers. That'd be done a good job That was super helpful. Scott and thank you for clearing that up. I was concerned about her talking about the subject of the show and she immediately after we finish according realized that she was using the wrong terminology and wanted to redo the show. But we don't do that. This is from J in atlanta hey f. hp podcast. I really appreciate all you do. Have listened to all three hundred plus hours of the show. And don't think i've heard my situation brought up. At all on the fine air sealing podcast episodes. My house is located in atlanta georgia and was built in one thousand nine hundred seventy nine with then popular concept of vented crawlspace. The house has had a number of renovation over the years. The one i'm worrying about today was completed in nineteen ninety-one. We've lived in the house for three years and last year. Decided to encapsulate the crawlspace with twenty mil plastic two inches of closed cell phone and a dedicated dehumidifier. This significantly changed the comfort of the home. The nineteen ninety-one edition finished out space and a walkout basement to a pool in the backyard. There was a cedar closet. I e nineties cedar flake board and the basement that had two outside walls recently. We decided to turn this indoor closet into an outdoor closet for the kid pool stuff by adding double doors to the outside or planning to close up the existing door into the house. So those who you're listening. You're trying to imagine this. He's got a closet in the basement right in a corner of the basement. He's gonna cancel off the door. That goes into that space. Put a door to the outside through the exterior wall of the house with double doors and then in space will be accessed from the outside. I had seen some water damage in the back corner of the cedar closet. But i'd never experienced water or wet conditions over the last three years. So i figured we'd see what was behind it when i updated the closet while ripping out the cedar. I was delighted to find drywall. behind it. In great condition. I was cruising for a quick project. Then i opened up the bottom section of the closet which had a slight bump out for the foundation and found significant mold rot and bugs fiberglass. Batts were used in the two by four framing was crumbling from rot. This bump continues into the finished. Part of the basement is and is one large cavity. That i now know is full of mold and rot since this basement edition was on the original steer side of the foundation. They were few areas for h. Fat contractors to punch through cinderblocks supply vents. But they found a spot in this closet to add a supply thinking that between the original vented humid crawlspace conditioned air in the closet in the large temperature swings. Here in georgia there was a fair amount of vapor. Drive over the last thirty years that led to the enrolled situation. I've attached a number of pictures on a floor plan layout. I need some help guidance. Thinking through what to do. Now that i have con- and capsulated the other side of this wall. Okay two questions. How do i treat this foundation before putting up new. Show sheet rock. Can i do closed cell foam on the section of foundation in the closet and then box it in as it was previously done if not what do you recommend so brian and i talked a little bit about this ahead of the show. He asked me what the heck is going on with this foundation. And what do you think brian will. I asked you what was grabbed the foundation because the photos it's hard to To know exactly what. We're looking at the area that he seems to the area. The exposed in has shown us looks like we're seeing some ledge in maybe some concrete so it looks like maybe sort of Concrete poured around some some ledge. That was on the property. I'm not sure if we're just reading that photo wrong. it was. It was awesome of you. Agree patrick but it was a bit confusing. The photo i kind of agree with you. I think it's ledge with concrete like stem wall on top. And i think as a work around. They just built the building around this very large. Pc stone that was intruding into the basement. Which is something you see. Awas an old new england farmhouses but probably not so much in suburban atlanta home built in the nineties right. I don't necessarily. I'm not sure that changes the solution but it was but it was certainly a little bit confusing You know what might might. my guess. Is that what's happening. Here is not probably not due to vaber. Jive is probably due to air You know just just airflow Getting behind those walls and my guess is that he's he's you know that's a cool surface that concrete at ledge is a cool surface and wet. Air's getting to it and these condensing probably than pooling in soaking the framing That'd be that'd be my guess And i'll go. I'll go right to expression about the spray foam. I think it. I am listeners. This podcast know that. I'm not big proponent of spray foam insulation for a number of reasons but this may be a case where it's a good solution it will. It will give you both that That insulating by and vapor control that you need and air seal that you need in just this situation and it will apply to that irregular surface that that ledge that we think we're seeing you know it's why it's used on rebel foundations a lot as a solution where people need to insulate and take care of You know moisture in older basis stone foundations. So i think it's probably a good solution. He's got a he's going to expose all and do the whole thing right. That's the thing about when you're doing vapor and air control measures. You can't do part of a wall like it. It doesn't work that way. You need to do assemblies rate. Yeah you'll just have that problem down the wall a little bit of each frame it out how you need to frame it out. Bring in bring in spray foam contractor still use pressure treated plates at a minimum But you gotta keep gotta keep that wet air one way or another. Keep their wet air from the other thing at work here. Wall is You know if anyone who listen to the show should take away. One building science fundamental. It's this that he moved from more to less water moves from more to less. The soil has a lot of moisture in it. Compared to your house. It's always going to be trying to go into that to the to the basement rate. It's it's going to be constantly conveying right in to that wall cavity because it's still got less moisture. Even when things are with soaking wet with water it still less than is in the ground. So i've got a question for you. Brian. 'cause i've seen i've seen examples of this done with the spray foam over a rebel foundation. But but Would you feel that it needs this sort of the the additional level of security of doing some sort of of membrane before you put the spray foam down. Because i've i've definitely seen that done either a diplomat or like a own stick the c. span's from the top framing down to the floor. Something did not relying just on the integrity of the spray foam as your as your moisture barrier. Yeah i mean. There's a couple of things there. I guess the first thing that we should have said that we that i'd jumped right over is is if there's if there's water leaking in from from outside. That's obviously the first thing that needs to be taken care of like any baseman. Think you're thinking about doing. Finishing the basement water you know dealing with moisture and obeys the first thing to do is ask are their water intrusion issues if there are they take care of i. Nothing else is worth doing. Until that's until that's done in and so rob it one of the ways to potentially take care of that is To allow it to happen but control it from the inside. In that case you could use like a diplomat or something Before he rate from but you have to replace for that water to go so that requires a predator drain It doesn't help tat that water to flow to the bottom of the wall. There's nowhere for it to go. It just gonna pull in there. So it's it's it's a good point. And i think you know if there were if there were really from what i've seen done if there are no water intrusion issues. It's it's okay. It seems like it's okay. These contractors are okay with spring rate against that stone or concrete or combination foundation But that's that's a that's a good It might be good sort of belt. Suspenders approach to also kind of Isolate isolate the the phone from the from the foundation with that kind of membrane it also is a way to keep the to do a little bit to mitigate the permanence of the phone. You know people often do you know. I've seen people do like you know. Use spray foam insulation on attic floors. But the put down the rap the bays the joyce as with tar paper. i To kind of make it so that everything is not glued together if you have to do a ceiling repair you know. You're not glued in place from that spray foam installation so That's always sort of food for thought at least with with rifle you spray it in your in your house together. Sure it's it's crazy it the strength that has like how i've put door box in stone foundations and fieldstone foundations like yeah. Did you know use tap cons in these masonry anchors and then go back and spray foam and then we figured out that the spray foam was doing a better job than holding the stuff. The anchors were so jay has one more question your house. I dress ventilation in this soon to be outdoor closet. Should i keep some supply air flow into this closet. Yes because he wants to have it for the poop stuff right so your kids are not going to let this stuff dry before they stick it in the closet. You're just gonna stick it in the closet so you want at least some humidity control or you're going to have the perfect environment for growing mold because you live in atlanta and you're going to have this wet small closet right so do that daniel in montana zone six first off. I wanted to say how much. I appreciate the podcast. I'm a desk job and my twenties that jumps for any excuse to build something myself. I've learned so much from listening to all of your podcasts. I especially enjoy hearing about your own projects and how. I'm not the only one that takes forever to finish something. I'm building a sixteen by thirty detached garage with ten foot ceilings. This summer in montana climate zone six. My plan has been to frame out the back. Eight to ten feet to heat and insulate that as my woodworking shop. To keep my tools from rusting. I've been losing sleep over a couple of details and was wondering how you can help me as looking at using zip sheeting to get a quality air seal around the exterior however because not insulating or drywall. In the ceiling. Above the non work section. Any method of route venting will negate any air sealing. I do on the exterior with this. Be a good candidate for an insulated invented. Hot roof asphalt or metal just plywood tie the sides and not worry about air sealing. I'm hoping my wife decides that. She wants her car in the heated garage after the first winter. So we can drywall on insulate the whole building. But she isn't going for that at this point. I also haven't settled on a heating system. I'm fairly enamored with the in floor. Radiant via electric on-demand water heater. But in wondering if i should just keep it simple and do electric infrared infrared panels or two heaters. Natural gas comes to the house. But i prefer not to have it plum to the garage. We live ways out of town. And the only inspects they do as her plumbing and electrical. But i still wanna follow best practice daniel so daniel. You can't have an insulated space. If you don't have six air controlled walls ray. You can't mega at a condition space without having a top. So if you go if you wanna have a condition workshop you're gonna have to put a ceiling at least in the part of the space that you want it to heat. And you're going to need a wall separating that space from the rest of the open ceiling garage and when you do all that you're gonna find it's less expensive to do the whole ceiling and move on with your life right. Yeah i mean even. Even if he wasn't going to get to sounds like he really wants to get the entire thing closed in. And that's maybe some talk has to have a significant other down the road. But i would not plan on doing it the way he wants to do it and know go ahead and do all those air sealing details even if he doesn't think he's gonna get to the garage portion of it until later there's nothing wrong with that being event it's face if that's not a condition space yet and But like you said certainly the shop space would have to then be air sealed. And and maybe Treat the doorway between the garage and the shop like an exterior door with a with a weather strip which is something you might wanna do anyway in a workshop or or or adjacent to a garage right i would want. This is going to be an amazing building. Like why wouldn't you be able to want to be able to use all of it and the being part the cars and there and like zone. Six is an added bonus. It's when you're making stuff. Is anyone knows you not only need stuff room for your tools. You need stuff to assemble things and put things that are in process right right rob. Yeah yeah believe me. I be arguing that way. But i i wonder if the The opposition is arguing that that would be the excuse to kick cars out of the garage and have more workshops space while you have to take these incremental steps. That's where i would be. Yeah but but to your point. It's going to be more work to do it piecemeal than it would be to just do it all at once. I think so. And if you can't do it all at once you know make the building get torpedo heater or some other kind of space heater and use it when you need it and then turn off the torpedo eater and go back in the house. He asked about in floor. Radiant heat with an on-demand electric water heater and infiltrated heat is lovely and people who have shops with it. I know love it. Because even insulated slab is less comfortable than one. That's you know seventy or eighty degrees right and that's great but you know for a workshop or a garage. These are very occasionally spaces and those systems do not respond well to trying to warm the space quickly right. it has to be on all the time and You can't just go out there and warm up the space like you could if you had some kind of you know unit heater or some other forced air source right for sure. Yeah i think that gets at the the question that i want to ask him is really how often he's gonna use this space. And how often how much you can actually keep it heated. You know because if it's like you know we could get into. You know really great details about how to create a little. You know box inside the garage and get it really nicely and the best the best. Most comfortable heating says thumb. But if it's going to be occasional use thing you know energy do the minimum minimal of effort of of ventilating and air sealing and get the heating system. That's going to heat it up the fastest so you can. You can walk out there when you're before you make your coffee in the morning and turn on turn on the heat or go back and have coffee out and it's comfortable. That's very much how. I used to use my bar now. It's more conditioned all the time. Because i'm working here every day but It's it's for most folks. It's too expensive to heat that kind of building all the time and to the end to to build out an insulated building that you're using olenik only occasionally like we're always the first people to say. Oh yeah do do the best job. You can But occasional use spaces like this don't always warrant the best job you can do for my little workshop barn out in the back. Just putting just putting a drywall. ceiling instead having the cathedral ceilings up to the vented roof. That doesn't that. That's that was enough for me to put a little electric heater out there once in a while just to get to take the chill off when i'm doing doing a project and i don't ever expect it to get up to seventy two degrees and stay that way for hours at a time but it's just perfect for my us and you don't really need that rob right most people. Don't you warm it up to do your work and then you go back in and the rest of the house yet. So out of curiosity. I looked to see how much electricity a stable eltron instantaneous. Electric hot water heater uses okay. So the smallest one uses fifty amps. And that's for two okay sir. One and a half gallons at fifty four degree temperature rise so the temperature rise referred to. What is the temperature of your incoming water. And i can bet you in montana. It's not going to be very warm in the wintertime. And i think most folks would assume that you want water. That's at least one hundred degrees so you can controversy. Take a shower ray. So if you're waters just coming in at forty degrees this would get you close. But if you're waters coming in thirty degrees or if you want one hundred and twenty degree water you're going to need a bigger one and that takes to forty amp or two fifty an breakers the biggest one which will do five and a half gallons at a fifty five degree temperature rise is three fifty amp breakers. That is thirty six kilowatts of power. So i'll describe to you a system. That's on alternative to this. That a friend of mine has but the differences that he works in his barn working on old cars as a as a living. So he's in there all the time and he has it hooked up into instead of to at electric water heater. He has one of those outdoor wood boilers and tons of deadwood on this property. So you know it's labor to get that that boiler going into cut wood for it but he's not spend money on natural gas or electricity and so he runs that thing all the time and he can open the door to his garage to bring cars in and out and leave oprah for a while and it's still comfortable shop because it's got this. Massive heated slept. But that's an extreme situation and it's also very unique set up. He's got there but for the for the occasional use. It just doesn't seem Economical daniel you want an wood boiler according to rob which have their own problems right. Rob i bet. His neighbors aren't too stoked about having the wood boiler. Well he's on nine acres that backs up to the nature conservancy property and so he doesn't really have any close neighbors but yeah in connecticut. There's really tight restrictions. Now about how close you can be to another house if you run on of those things and folks if you're not familiar with these things as they they cycle on and often damp way down and when they do that they are really smoky and You know there are a few ones that meet. Epa standards now but that's not traditionally how they've worked dear f hp team. We've bought our first standalone home relieving the condo to go to one thousand nine hundred sixties brick ranch and zone four slash five and. We're going to be renovating. Even though mom always said a little knowledge dangerous. I have gone down the building science rabbit hole. It all started with some harmless build show videos to lunchroom to seabrook and now to be going to improve this homes air sealing not so much improve as introduced followed by insulation just to paint a picture of the current state of things as attached living space in a garage are directly connected via an open attic. The insulation in the attic are bats. Lying on top of the ceilings drywall. There's dampness in the basement from an attached underground room which is out beyond the foundation and therefore roof and the exterior is in good condition. there's brick with an air gap and the sheathing all. Look good the basement. Dampness issue will hopefully be dealt with via vitamin wraps. And dima modifier regarding the air sealing lean towards a liquid apply r b e. g. polly wall going down to the studs and cheating unused polywater. Everything on the interior bottom plate's top plates sheathing etcetera. The interior will look like a blue box at insulation. Drywall and done forget the open attic. Close it air sealing. Drywall ceiling as a sisyphean task. Eventing the roof decking is needed. I'll put furring strips on the underside of the roof deck followed with rigid pauli. Pauli wall again and do this down to the knee wall. Eventing is needed added an exhaust fan of the event and or an hr v. slash rv. The liquid seems to solve vapor permeability air sealing cetera for retrofits. I have not seen this approach mentioned or pooh-poohed anywhere. Is this a bad idea. Good idea to wacky. Thanks for any feedback. Grant rob you wanna go first on this one. So i'm just trying to follow is he saying he's doing the w the polly wall he's doing on the outside after stripping the entire as the house brick so he's going to do it from the from the inside. I don't know it's it's it's a little outside of my door knowledge area to be doing a liquid w be on the inside of a house like that. So i'm gonna have to defer to are more building science steep editor brian. Here we question gb. Once and i forget who. I think i reached out to the folks at prosecco in them if they would recommend this use of their products and i think they said shorts fine So there wasn't at least with that one company that i reached out to There wasn't a there wasn't a concern with the product. Has anyone tested. The efficacy of using spray apply. Wr be in this manner. I can't imagine it would be much different than putting on the outside but it certainly not on label installation. It's not yeah. it's not. It's not a common use of the products i don't. I don't think that there's a whole lot of anecdotal or you know quantifiable data around around. Miss i don't know why you would do it. you know you could just insulate these walls and use either Maybe a variable per vapor retarder like intel membrane it which is a great air barrier when it sealed use that on the inside and then and then drive or do you know if you don't want to have any type of retarded do airtight. Drywall approach just much more much. More common approaches. That work just fine. I mean if you're gonna take into wall apart you you know why not. Why not do it like that. It's going to have the ability to air. Ceo more conventionally with spray foam or caulk and all these tapes all these things while the walls are open right like it seems like the bottom plates and he wanted to hit penetrations and whatnot and Also you know a lot of if he's really going to got all the exterior walls a lot of the work. He needs to air. Seal the attic. Now he can do from you know in in them trickiest work at the eaves he can do from below so the his sisyphean task all residing just got a little bit easier. You know because he's doing it from below the other thing that i wanted to point out about what he's He said he would air subaru all the way down to the knee walls. And he unless he's unless he. I didn't understand something. He's got now. A big gap. That's unfair sailed from the knee walls to the walls. So somehow he's gotta make continuity of that area from the walls to the exterior walls. There's lots lots of different details for doing that. usually requires some blocking in the below the knee walls. There's other ways though you can get behind. You can just take the air barrier down to the top plate in those those in now the space behind the knee walls becomes part of the condition envelope. I'm a little killer confused because he describes the house as a ranch. But i don't have knee walls. You know like they have eve. Walls and gable walls but they don't have shorter walls. You know what i mean. Yeah i have seen in fact. A good friend of mine lives in a ranch. That has these walls built in the attic. And i'm not sure why this is not an added that you could ever use for anything. You cannot stand up even at the ridge line. And it's got these walls built you cut the span of the rafters policies. What i thought it might be. Because it's like you know it's like sixties ranch that has like crazy crazy long by six rafters. yeah For their structural. They're not actually walls with any kind of surface on the correct. Yeah so. I wonder if maybe that's what he has if that's but it still doesn't matter he's gotta get that continuity of that area if you're gonna do all this work you know don't leave that Few feet of space not air sealed. Grant i'm gonna tell you before you tear into this project. And i m notorious for getting involved in things that i am not adequately prepared to do but i think you really need to have an energy audit and figure out where the air movement is in your house and get someone to help you with the blower door direct your air sealing efforts and i mean like if you don't have to rip out all the walls why would you do it and most of the time i'm betting that's not necessary right it's it's more patching redoing is that yeah there. There's a lot that can be done before you go to that length. I think it's. I think it's tempting if you're gung ho about a project like this and you find a product that seems sort of like this this Something's gonna solve all of your air sealing problems that And you're willing to go. you know. Go the full distance. It's tempting to sort of dig in deep take felt like we've heard of we've across other other people who have been this ho about a project that maybe yeah maybe more than they actually need to do to get the job done. It could take all the in the same amount of time. You can take all all your possessions out of your house. In bringing arab area crew without having to tear open a single wall and it's verifiable like. What if you do all this work. And it doesn't work you know you'd have to be doing multiple blower door tests right to ensure that efforts are actually paying dividends Before you close up the walls right and most folks who are living in a house and maybe they're not gonna be can't do everything at once you need to do things incrementally so that would be very hard to blower door test in that kind of situation the move out bring in era barrier over your floors and you're your finishes and you can have this like storage trailers brought to your property rate or a number of pods and have them you know. Hold your stuff while you Air seal your house. I'm thinking of doing that. It wouldn't be that big a deal in my house. It's so little to put your saying to move everything out and do it. Yeah i can move it into the barn. We can even rob's free next weekend to south lies package small one storey house. I think he's about the only person who i would definitely go two hours after that. We don't any furniture. Honestly it's like yeah it's great. Jeff what do you think about like tearing your whole house apart air. Ceo is that ever make sense for most people. I can't see how the effort and expense would pay off in any kind of reasonable time. Yeah so many things to take compared against right like compare it against putting in more efficient Appliances including heating cooling system and putting in covering your roof with tv. And look at the cost of that in like you know. I think it's like yeah if you're building new or if you were doing an extensive remodel for other reasons there's no doubt about it. You know the first thing you wanna do is envelope stuff like. That's that's a no brainer. But in an existing house. I think the equation isn't so simple especially with the affordability of peavey now right. That's that's become the the balancing act is if you put tv on your house for twenty thousand dollars and have most of your energy needs matt right. Yeah and and as long as there's no signs of any major damage from moisture because of the brick walls or or or problems in the attic. It seems to be like in an existing house. The you could take you could take the air sealing measures from a poorly air sealed older home really far without a whole lot of invasive work and then of course the closer you get the harder and harder gets you going to get the passive house level house but you can certainly make it a hell of a lot more comfortable depending on what his added looks like. He didn't mention if there's like you know if there's floorboards down or whatnot or but if if his attic is an open adequate with installation sailing again his his sisyphean tasks are totally worth doing that. You should do. You don't have to you know you should get up there in crawl around in the air sealing at insulation because that is very cost effective work. It's it's uncomfortable dirty work that none of us want to do. But it's super cost effective. And i think you would still need to do that if you use a spray applied barrier bridge you know the three quarter inch gap that goes around your your vent stack and those are the things that really matter with air tightness right. Yeah yeah that attic. Update is a is a big important job to an older house like that grant. I hope you will keep us informed about what you decide to do. And i'm sure that wasn't helpful at all. He wants to dislike tear into his house and the attic. There's after you're done banging your head against the the roof deck Find a work over at the eaves and nockles against working against the chimney and all that stuff it's really satisfying to hold that hose in have the cellulose insulation pump out into your attic in real is it was like one of the most satisfying by life. That when i did that project on my last home it is such a good system to bloom. Cellulose or blown fiber last does a fantastic job of insulating. Yes you need a lot of it compared to spray foam and other things but jeez it just does a fantastic job. I in fact. That's one of the. I think the biggest selling points from energy standpoint of existing if you're dealing with existing homes of a ranch house is that give up on us in the attic space which it's it's marginally useful for and just do the the most affordable thing you can do. Which is philip full of fluffy insulation after having a good job of sealing. Yeah just i close that. Atta catch right off. And i put a hatch in the gable end so i didn't even have to do that lake. Tricky detailing of air sealing the a catch and forget about that i did in the you vaulted ceiling of the barn too so i have a section of slope ceiling upstairs and then i have a little flat ceiling. It's eight foot wide by twenty four feet long and that must have thirty thirty six forty inches of cellulose in some places. 'cause i guess i just bought too much of it and just didn't know what to do with it. That's messy work though. If get the person who who's on the outside loading the hopper do that job honestly with with a lot of the energy efficiency subsidies you could almost get it installed for as cheap as you can buy the material if you go through one of your local like You know energy audits than even get you could even get it really cheap loans to do it where it's cost next to nothing. Yeah that's good advice rob. It really is because there is money out there and especially if you have high utility bills. It's in everyone's interest for you to get your ass tightened up take advantage of those programs. You guys want to say anything before we part company today so by the time. The air is We should have our next project. Guide live will be the windows endorsed project guide and again that those are on average. There you see about a couple of hundred articles and videos from our archives. We have. I think it's about twelve thousand articles. If you really think about the forty years we've been Publishing and So just go head onto funneling dot com. Scroll down the homepage just a little bit. And there's a section where you can find all of our new project guides and were coming out with a new one about every month month and a half so hopefully by the sometime next year we'll have all of the major topics that we That we have in our archives covered and be. Be a great thing. Then what will you do. Go back and make better. We've also got to save ryan we've also got we've also got the to twenty twenty f- age e houses coming online in the in the next few weeks the first contents going to start to roll out on the website and one of them is The both both built by f hp authors. One of them is in schwantz. home at. He's he's he has he's been on the podcast actually so it listeners probably hosted the punt most of the time so you all are familiar with the end. We're following his build. And we're going to start to have content on that soon and the ian zone house so this is over. The rubber meets the road. What does the good builder put his own house with. Material costs that are off the charts. That's seems like a good premise. Yeah the other. One is odd. Jason molecule. people are probably familiar with. He's also written for f. hp he's a trim carpenter in a nebraska and so it's neat because we've got to builders houses and they're both different you know. Ian is a little bit smaller. It's it's just birth. He and his wife really focused on performance and efficiency and just a really You know a really exceptional kitchen. His wife is a chef and highly skilled chef apparently and And so she really going to. You know they're gonna give for the kitchen that she that she deserves offer skills and so that's of where they're putting a lot of interior effort and it's kind of a farmhouse with a unique sort of Upside down approach to it because of the views so really cool stuff happening there. The jason's got a family of seven. He's jason has. Jason has Five daughters five daughters and so he's building a real family house. You know all the space that they need to be comfortable with seven. People know really nice outdoor space in jason being a trim carpenter this house we get to focus a lot on really exceptional interior Work and so hopefully you know just just gonna framing stage now but when we get we get inside his house. Hopefully we're going to be able to bring some content from his his expertise so looking forward to both of those projects coming online. You said those will start rolling out soon when. Yeah they're already going to be live by the certainly by the time. In fact the day were recording which is a little bit before the signals lives. Were actually going to have some of the first articles and videos. Yeah we're sort of you know we always behind the actual builds but You know it's houses is Is framed dried in and has windows doors installed and he's moving out deciding and then he's going to get inside and start jason's house Today they're they're they're think they're finishing up wall framing so So they're they're that little bit further behind does sound great and right in our wheelhouse for sure. Well thanks for being with me guys. Unfortunately that all the time we have for today. Thanks to rob ryan and jeff for joining me and thanks to all of you for listening. Please remember to send your comments questions and suggestions to f- hp podcast at taunton dot com. And please please please like review us. However you're listening and so that folks find our podcast stay safe. Everybody keep craft alive. Thanks very much for listening.

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Female-Led Recession: How Economists Think Unemployment Will Impact Women and Minorities

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26:53 min | 1 year ago

Female-Led Recession: How Economists Think Unemployment Will Impact Women and Minorities

"The last week more than two million people told the US government. I'm unemployed and I need help. We've been hearing numbers like this for weeks. Ever since businesses shut down over the covid nineteen pandemic since then more than forty million people have filed for unemployment benefits in the US. That's one in four. Us workers said. Today we're going to get into what these unemployment figures. Tell us what they don't tell us. And how long? Economists say it will take to recover to figure out what to make of the moment. We're in right now. We have to go back to the beginning back to March. Shortly after the economy started shutting down. We just got guys the number that we've been waiting for all morning just moments ago. The number of Americans filing claims for unemployment benefits has hit a record high for a single week. We're talking about a decade of job expansion. That suddenly has come to a screeching halt that was march. Twenty six at the time. Three million people had just filed for unemployment for the first time a record high. We wanted to know more about what these historic unemployment numbers meant. So we called a Catherine and Edwards. My name is Katherine Edwards. I'm a PhD. Economists I specialize Labor. But you can just refer to me as Katherine Katherine is a Labor economist at the public policy. Think tank the Rand Corporation at the time. She warned us with us. Number tells us this. Maureen is at a lot of people are looking to this program for help probably people who have never applied before probably people who have never thought about applying before or didn't know how and they're going to be met with a very difficult in defunct computer system. They're gonNA be met with long. Wait Times on the song and for a lot of them they're going to be met with rejection of the claim. Sure enough in the weeks that followed. That's exactly what happened. Unemployment offices are shut down to those who need them most. They need the most if you filed for unemployment and still haven't received your benefits. You're not alone. How that state is struggling to process the surge creating more uncertainty for people who need help so after a few weeks of consistently bad news like this and high unemployment numbers we decided to check back in with Catherine and see how things were going. She said that while there are still a lot of issues with the unemployment insurance program. The evidence appears to show that most people eligible to get their benefits are getting them or going to get them. But unfortunately there is another system that exist alongside unemployment insurance that was created by Cares Act And that is pandemic unemployment assistance. Remember one of the things. Congress's cares acted. Was it allowed workers who weren't previously eligible to start getting unemployment benefits. We're talking GIG. Workers Freelancers and people who are self employed given the severity of the pandemic Congress extended benefits to those workers in states. Have to stand up that program so they have to create this program from scratch. They don't have people's income tax refer returns in ten ninety nine bailable on hand to immediately figure out. Yes you a contractor. They had to they need to come up with processing system in qualification measurement and verification process. It's taken a while to figure out how to implement that new program. Many states have only just got in their systems up and running and are able to pay out these claims and a few like North Carolina and Florida are still struggling to process. Even normal unemployment insurance claims just a few weeks into the pandemic related shutdowns the unemployment rate in the US has gone from a half-century low of three point five percent to a near record high of fourteen point seven percent within the span of just a few weeks. The unemployment rate is the highest. It's been since the Great Depression back in the nineteen thirties and even that illustrate the full picture. It's worse than it seems. Unfortunately and the reason for that is that the way that we officially measure. The unemployment rate is not really geared to capture the idea that so many millions of workers would be sheltering in place at their homes because the Bureau of Labor. Statistics is trying to do something. It's never done before. That unemployment rate could actually be much higher in the last unemployment rate estimates. The Commissioner of the bureau said we think that a lot of people were counted. As employed are actually miscounted. The unemployment rate should be about five points higher than it is now so efficient unemployment rate is fourteen point seven percent according to the commissioner statement. It should probably be closer to nineteen and if some people are hoping for a quick return to the way things used to be. Catherine says our historical understanding of economic recessions tells us that. That's not likely the analogy. That works is think of a bathtub. Right water flowing in from the Faucet and there's water coming out from the drain and the flow rate out of the Faucet and the flow rate out of the drain is going to determine the level of the top and so when we think about unemployment something like the weekly unemployment insurance claims. That's telling US how fast the faucet is flowing but what leads to labor market recovery. Isn't that less? Water comes in. It's at more water comes out. Katherine says that was the critical lesson learned from the great recession. By the time it ended in mid two thousand nine the unemployment rate was nine point five percent and it took a long time to bring that rate back down. The drain never really picked up speed and that people being hired out of unemployment and getting back into work took a really long time. So this is you might have heard this referred to as the shape versus the L. shape recovery of how quickly the labor market will bounce back. Unfortunately no all of our study of unemployment has shown that in the past recessions in particular the great recession it took a long time for the unemployed to be hired out. It makes sense right. I mean firms were very wary to hire or expand. It was a credit crunch. They had a hard time getting access to loans and at the same time. Workers were terrified to leave their jobs. So you just you just saw that there were so many fewer job openings but so many more people competing for them. The lesson there is that we would be better off if we had a system like short-term compensation or work-sharing that would prevent people from going to the top at all right if I can keep people from getting unemployed then I don't have the same problem of having to drain the top. Unfortunately this has never been adopted or endorsed officially in the United States. What we're seeing in the cares act is basically. They're trying to do it on the fly. Pray the paycheck. Protection Program is trying to get money to businesses to give them an interest free loan that they don't even have to pay back if they keep their workers on staff. So we've learned this lesson. We just haven't applying that skill very well. You know setting up a system in which were employers automatically have access to this money an automatically have the ability to retain workers during a recession without having to move for alone wait in line get told her not an ordinance and a system that is not only a lot of money but has apparently very little oversights it so we know that unemployment is bad. We haven't fixed it yet. The unemployment rate also doesn't account for everyone impacted by this like people who have shifted to part-time work out of necessity or people who are available to work but have given up looking for a job or are not currently looking. There's sometimes referred to as discouraged workers and the two nate recession. Discouraged workers. Were a very big part of underemployment. People were looking for so long that they gave up a when you give up. You're no longer unemployed so we would count the number of people who had basically given up on the labor market going forward as this recovery starts. Unemployment starts to fall. I think discouraged workers is going to be one of the most important metrics to follow because a lot of people who are on temporary. Layoff now eagle. Whose job sent them home instead. I'm going to bring you back soon as I can. Those might become permanent. Layoffs in those workers are going to have to start looking for work in all. The evidence suggests that this is going to be a very long recovery. A lot of people are gonNA get discouraged along the way so the unemployment numbers were seeing likely. Don't tell the full picture of how Kobe nineteen has impacted jobs in the US. One thing we have seen is a lot of reports that the people being most impacted by unemployment right now or women and in particular women of Color in fact some researchers are calling this a she session we ask Catherine about whether that's the case and what the long term impacts are the important thing to understand is that men and women don't have the same jobs in the US. If I were to count that major twenty occupation groups in compare the number of men in the number of women. They're not the same in fact most professions or occupations. They're not even close so you'll have a occupation like construction. Mining and extraction is are very male while education health services. Those tend to be very female. So in two thousand eight they. They referred to the recession as the man session because it hit the construction industry. This time around the industry is being impacted are different. I think if there's a layoff story about women workers it would be that. They are concentrated in industries. That are being very highly affected like leisure and hospitality like education in health services like office administrative support. Those tend to be more female percussions. Nearly half of the leisure and hospitality. Jobs were gone last month for me. That's a smokescreen. You know. We WanNa say that women are being hurt more from the layoffs. But it's pretty marginal difference on the actual rates of unemployment rate for men was thirteen percent the unemployment rate for women with sixteen to. That's different but it's not. It's not twice as high is higher among women. But you know what it's it's really high for both of them for me the way that this is a female recession that as a country we have never invested enough in working mothers. We've never had you know easy and open access to affordable childcare. We have waged in promotion penalties. That are well documented for women once they have kids and we have never had caregiving burden in the Hong that we thought was equal. And there's a phenomenon of the second shifts our society where women couldn't afford day of work and then they go home and put in a half day of caregiving homemaking. So there's a sense that this is a female lead recession. I think for me. The story is really about women's burden in both the workplace in the household we have you know millions. Tens of millions of children home from school. What percentage of moms or having to cut back their hours in order to teach them right. We don't know when schools open in the fall. How many how? Many women are heard leading worker cutting back because they don't have child childcare option in its falls on their shoulders and that that is what. I worried about these. These differences in the unemployment rate is bad for both of them but in the long term. We know that women are less likely to work if they have a hard time finding childcare. So how are women going to be affected by the pandemic worried about labor force attachment in the next three years? Given just the explosion of the overall household earned right. Now this is something that Katherine says is going to be an important thing to watch. Were so in the in the deep end and nobody's really doing well that it's hard to carve out this story yet. What we know is that black women are more likely to be single. Mothers Than White Women. Women are more likely to hold personal care and service jobs in education health jobs. I am black. Women are paid less than white. All those are things that could be exacerbated by. Everybody losing their job but what is going to be much worse is in. How much is going to be exacerbated by WHO is hired back in win and that long tail of the Drain. The water coming out of the back style for unemployment. That rate is not the sane for black people and white people. It's not the same for men and women. And that is where the disparity the lasting disparity is going to come from so basically the unemployment situation is bad worse than we think and we don't know what recovery is even going to look like particularly for women. So how long will it take to recover the recovery from the pandemic in the shutdowns that caused a spike unemployment is going to take a long time? It's going to take. I would hazard a guess that it's going to be around two years. The best forecaster of unemployment in the long term is the Congressional Budget Office and they have unemployment above nine percents through the end of twenty twenty one so it will be high for the next couple of months and then as states open up. The unemployment rate will decrease. But it's not going to. It's not going to flatten out. It's not gonna just spike down because again this water draining out of a tub. It's just not gonna go that quickly. The people who are who the the faucet discount from job LOSS RIGHT FAUCET INTO UNEMPLOYED. These are people coming back to work. After an illness. These could be people graduating and entering the labor market for the first time. This could be a mom. Who put her kids in elementary school? Now she wants to work again. The Faucet has many many sources but the drain only has one outlet and so we expect the United States that there's always churn to unemployment and what happens in recession is that churn keeps going but the drain doesn't bring so it's GonNa take a long time for unemployment to recover. I would say there are lots of projections and a lot of people are gonNA make a ton of money in predicting how long unemployment's stay elevated in. They're gonNA come up with the salient conclusion that it's going to be sometime between one months in five years but I think the more important question is what does recovery mean to households mean. We talk about economic recovery in following a number. And it's it's marched downward right. It was fourteen seven and WANNA get it back down to five that that's a recovery that means something to markets but it doesn't mean anything to eat all right. Recovery for households is so contingent on what their starting point was. Did they lose their job? Did they. Unemployment did that unemployment. Come fast enough. So that they didn't lose their house or their apartment or their car that they didn't have to skip meals. Were able to find a job. I mean that's what recovery really means. a myriad and really fraught process that can mean a lot to a lot of different people and the most important time to watch what is happening to households in these disparities for women and people color is not on the way down in his on the way up because in the American con the biggest risk is being left behind. So what's the skin while weekly unemployment claims in the? Us are going down. They're still historically high. And some states are still struggling to pay people who filed for unemployment especially gig workers and people who are self-employed if we learned anything from the great recession in two thousand eight and two thousand and nine. It's that it will take a while for people to get jobs again and even then it's not clear that there will be jobs to come back to while women and particularly women of color are being impacted more than men by unemployment the bigger concern down the road could be whether they get those jobs back as for how long it will take for the country to recover from this. It's really any economists guests but it's also important to look beyond the record high numbers you're hearing about and to examine how families on an individual level will recover from this coming up with record high unemployment right now one thing. Lots of people are trying to figure out is how to actually find a job. We talked to a career counselor about how job search during a pandemic. That's next a looking for a job. Is basically a fulltime job and now with the global pandemic the job search has become more complicated this week. We're breaking down how the job search during Kobe. Nineteen whether you were recently let go just graduated or are preparing for an uncertain future while it's not the most ideal time to look for that new job or take a career risk. There are ways you can prepare. We spoke with top resumes career expert. Amanda Augustine about how to get the ball rolling. If you've recently lost your job it's okay to take a moment actually process. Things grieved the loss. It is a loss. Jobs are can be very personal but then you want to pick yourself back up and start advising that plan. So are you take that moment? You need to take stock of your situation. You have to look at your finances. Consider your industry and your location and figure out. Am I looking for short term solution or do I have the luxury of searching for that more permanent long term job at this point? And it's okay if you WANNA pursue both simultaneously but you really have to understand is my industry at this moment. Not Hiring anyone do. I need to hit it in some way shape or form because I have bills to pay right. Now it's just as important to consider short term solutions to put money in your pocket as it is to think about your long term career goals. Basically it's okay to put away that five year plan and start thinking about your three to six month plan. Then it's time to make a list right down your hard skills and soft skills and start brainstorming. How you can pivot them to apply to new jobs or industries. You hadn't previously considered in other words. Try to apply your skills and experiences to the industries that are saying help wanted more on that later and if you're worried about taking a career detour don't it's an unprecedented time and potential employer will probably be understanding. You can also invest in skills. That could help you get hired later. Unfortunately some quarantine activities might not count link learning how to make a Tiktok but you can take virtual courses online at places like core Sarah or Khan Academy you can also get virtual certifications on Microsoft. It or linked learning and regardless of your industry. There are few things every employer will be looking for. I think we're going to see Employers looking for potential candidates they know can adapt to whatever situation going on we. Everyone suddenly become remote whether they were accustomed to it or not. Can you adapt on the fly? So brush up on some hard skills like digital software or programming and some soft skills like communicating and managing while remote. And now it's time to talk resumes. You knew we were going to go there if you haven't edited yours in a while or it's still in Comic Sans Bond. We've got some tips the first thing I would like to tell everybody. Is You need to think of your resume as a marketing document. It's carefully curated. Based on a certain goal that you're pursuing as opposed to just transcript of your work experience in your education so it's all going to start with what you're what goal you're pursuing. Augustine says this format works no matter what your profession is your resume will become your baseline document or your master template. Once you've got that down take a look at some job descriptions that interest you you should then Taylor your resume to the job. You're applying for but this shouldn't change your master document all that much. This does not require an overhaul of resume. This should be minor modifications to the language. So it lines up more appropriately with job description. So you're more likely to get past that initial gatekeeper and onto a human for review. Once you hit save the next stop is networking which pro is how over seventy percent of all job seekers get their gigs. Now that you're likely not meeting for coffee or attending a conference there are still ways to build connections. Virtually you can still attend. Conferences workshops and other networking opportunities online. There are also professional and social networking sites like Lincoln or facebook. Take a look at who you know in various industries and prepare to do some outreach. Be Sure to look for. Mutual connections are interested. There's some commonality going into the conversation. Here's what Augustine suggests my favorite networking tool whether we were all stuck in our homes or not Is the concept of an informational interview and Informational? Interview is when you the job. Seekers Lineup Hamburg stations with people in desirable fields companies in industries. And basically you're interviewing them for information you don't go into them expecting a job you don't eat out. It would be great if you get a job lead. It might happen but it's not the goal. A goal is to collect information to get a better understanding of the landscape of a particular field industry or even a particular company just understand their hiring practices. What's going on over there? Are they hiring when you're going into a networking conversation? Be Specific with your ask. And how much time you'll need from the other person. Also be sure short paragraph about yourself prepped in advance that way your new connection can get a sense of who you are what you have in common. And while you're getting in touch and where can you actually find out who's hiring check job boards especially ones that are posting about remote work like flex jobs and upward linked in and glass door also have job postings and be sure to select open to new opportunities if you have a linked in profile and join some professional networking groups on social media sites to see what people are posting online? So you updated your resume you've networked and applied for a few jobs. Now what the zoom where it happens. Aka Virtual interviewing our first tip get dressed and be sure to wear pants are second tip practice. Download the video software ahead of time. Pick a well lit spot in your living space and practice making eye contact at the camera and a bonus you can also keep a cheat sheet nearby in a virtual interview. This can help remind you questions you might have or points you wanNA bring up. But don't look at too often so that's how to get your job. Search going in the age of Covid nineteen but there are still some things everyone can be doing regardless of whether you're working right now or not nobody has a crystal ball right and I think there is this kind of domino effect where you may not think your industry is directly affected. But they're all connected in some way shape or form in. Everything has the impact my preferred strategy recommended strategy would be hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Have your resume ready to go. You know who you'd want to tap in order to be a reference if you needed to start looking at the job words and keeping an eye on what's going on the most important thing to remember is that the more you network apply and hone your skills the better chance you have to get hired and if you're still employed it's never too soon to Polish that resume or reach back out to an old colleague if you're looking for more tips as you start your job search or reach out to your Lincoln connections. We've got you covered head to the skin dot com slash job hyphen searching for more. Before we go we want answer one of your questions. We put a call out asking what questions you have about the kkob nineteen pandemic and one thing you asked us to explain is what industries are hiring right now with record national unemployment levels. A bunch of people are probably on the search for their next GIG. But there's still a lot of uncertainty around when some companies will start hiring again on top of that since the pandemic a lot of consumers are shifting in how they decide to spend their money. Think less money on travel and dining out and more money on things like grocery delivery. So what industries are ramping up hiring. Well definitely food and delivery services to support all the recent increases in online shopping over the last few months Amazon. Insta- cart have hired hundreds of thousands of workers and plan to keep hiring more Fedex and ups listening positions for delivery drivers and Warehouse Workers. And say that they're seeing the same uptick in deliveries that they normally see around the holidays but they're not the only ones companies in tech and entertainment are also looking to hire including ones like the parent company of tiktok and according to CNN business. Netflix's probably one of your quarantine. Best friends is also looking to hire a remote work job. Postings have also increased including listings for customer service. It and education. And if you're still in school and worried about missing out on summer two thousand twenty internships. There are some companies still looking for interns in industries like healthcare and banking and financial services to keep up to date on the latest news including headlines about Kobe. Nineteen head over to the skin dot com slash world. And that's all for skin. This will be in your feet again next Friday. In the meantime we WANNA hear burning questions about the news right now you ask we skim shoot us an email at audio at the skin dot com or call and leave us voicemails at six four six four six one six three seven zero. We really do check it. Don't forget to subscribe and leave us a review on apple podcasts. Or wherever you get your podcast for more skim and for daily newsletter head on over to the skin dot com.

US Catherine Katherine Katherine Amanda Augustine Rand Corporation Kobe Katherine Edwards Congress Labor economist Maureen Netflix CNN apple
Names as Colors and Colors of Names, repeat

The Good News Podcast

06:39 min | 3 months ago

Names as Colors and Colors of Names, repeat

"Hi i'm calling your host for the good news podcasts. And i'm neil the other host the good news. Podcast is your source for good news fun stories auditory delight and sonic joy. We're bringing you all of this goodness from beautiful downtown chicago now. Neil yes we have mentioned before something that is interesting to both of us and it's the phenomenon known as cynthia when someone sees numbers as colors. That is specific variation of it. Yeah i think there's a lot of different sectors. I think people smell that. It's kind of like when you're also crossed and connected and related. I don't have it. But i definitely have some things in my brain that for a long time. I saw words coming out of people's mouths when they were talking. I'm news to me isn't high school for awhile. I could cartoon the words would like fall out. And i would see them and it was very distracting and i had to like really focus on nothing anymore. Anyway that's not what this is about. Well should be rousing the inner tubes. And i've found a long. This lady named bernadette sheridan has a post on here says what color is your name a new sinister usua- tool will show you now. She has it and she's got a specific form called graph fem- colors in sesia. Which is what you were discussing. Sure so every letter of the alphabet correlates to a color so when she hears someone's name it has color associated. Yeah that's the one that i've heard of before. Well you can go on this little website here and you can type in your name and you can see what color she sees. And i'd like to pull yours up for you please do. And this is gonna open up a whole can of worms because what if someone types in their name who has sent a sesia and a. It's exactly the same and they find out that they have a sinister leisure twin and be. It's totally different. And that person realizes that not only do they have since legia. They have a totally unique set of colors agenda. Birth options are an interesting little the age old question of do you see the same blue. See i mean. I don't know i was wrong. Her blog links you to a website called cinecitta dot me. What color is your name. Whose color palette business. I think it's hers. I think it's just a separate website. Okay so i'm going to type in your name here so you can see what it looks like to her. Or yeah i guess. Her green yellow white grey or those colors ucy brown round. How do you feel about that. Not good actually. Yeah i feel worse. This makes me sick so much worse about it than i am surprised by how much i don't like that color palette i agree i agree i did like yours but i gotta tell you. Mine is even worse up terrain red blue white yellow. I think it's important to note that it's not like the green is like a pea-green a vomit sikri ads. Green red red navy blue white and corn husks of cornflower yellow and the it seems extra vibrant so i guess this is bad news then he yeah that makes me embarrassed to spend to say my name to someone who has some well. Let's see your legal name dear listeners. Legal well my legal name is edward forever out there. Well let's see what that ooh more interest. I really like edward. Edward is yellow navy blue even darker navy blue red purple navy. Blue is feels regal. This one looks regal. Well i'm gonna do my legal name which is katherine katherine. I don't care for that either. Go on similar sesia dot me and type it in and see how you feel about it because you might really love it and you might feel sick like we do and if any listener has the specifically this kind. Reach out to us any kind actually. We're really interested in it. And i would like to put together a similar palette of at least like your name my name. Maybe their name as well and see if they agree and see well. I'm interested in get bear with me. 'cause they're already people who are hearing names and seeing colors and i bet if it's an ugly color. Yeah you don't want to hear that name over time right. I don't know that's a really good question. Because i think neil has a nice sound too because i like you. Yes because it could also be like neil. Yeah i hate it. Then i might feel differently. The day is here. Please paying us. I'd love to see what our names look like t to you. Yeah and if if anybody goes on the site and feels really strongly about color choice. Yeah pop it up on twitter or them with love. Instagram boost. Thanks for listening. Do you have good news. Incredible or maybe you want to tell us a joke idea. Excellent email us at hello at the good news podcast dot. Fm or leave us a voicemail at seven seven three two one seven zero one five six. You can also tweet us at the good news pot and follow us on instagram too. And if you love the good news podcast think about supporting us on our pitron page. Must've our music is by paddington bear.

bernadette sheridan sesia neil Green red red navy cynthia Neil yellow navy katherine katherine chicago edward navy Edward twitter
Voluntary Retirement

Parenting Roundabout

11:31 min | 1 year ago

Voluntary Retirement

"Welcome to around three of the parenting roundabout podcast for the week of March second. I'm Nicole Erickson. I'm here with Catherine Echo. Hello and Terry Moro. Hello Ramon so teens and young adults someone. It comes to parenting. We've been there done. Not bought the T shirt. But we're still waiting for that day. When will reach the finish line and have no further? Need to lay down in the dark room with a wet ride. The heart is worrying about something. Other Wednesday is complaint. They hear on parenting roundabout and today. We're talking about all the things we have to stop complaining about when our kids move on from sports and other activities so I just experience in the past year and now I'm passing the torch to Katherine Katherine. One of your kids aging out of Yes. School age activities. So how are you feeling about that in what's happening yes so my daughter has been skating? with her synchronized skating team at various levels for ten years. And we just are wrapping up the final competition of her tenth season Hen. Wow you know Over the years. Of course I have been as the expression. I've heard recently volunteer cold to do several things like that. I was falling told to For example I have talked about this many times on the podcast. complained about it Taking care of food orders when we travel right so this involves things like ordering a meal from Pinera for the entire team or finding a restaurant that can accommodate. You know sixty eighty one hundred and twenty people Depending on where we are in what we need So it's it's been a ride. Let Me Tell Ya and I'm fine with being done with. I mean think I'll be very I'm GONNA be very sad and it's going to be very weird when when she's not doing it anymore but at the same time yeah I could. I could be done with with a lot of this responsibility and You know I set up. The dinner on this particular trip is is very easy because it's only one team You know because her. Her Club has several different teams in sometimes when we travel it's as many as five teams at a while and so each team is a somewhere around twenty kids and plus coaches and parents Anyway so this trip the whole group like the the dinner that I organize was for forty people. So that's how big of a deal sense like a big deal. It's easier than one hundred fifty. I guess that's true but I really people really liked it and they told me that they did which I really appreciate. Because you know how it is when people like something they don't always remember to say so by definition down here about it so. I really that was nice. I mean the thing that's hardest for me. Is people complaining because they they don't get it that they are one person in a group of one hundred? Yeah who you know. They want things to be exactly the way they want them And they just don't seem to re- to notice that you know we have to do something that works for all of us right and there's there's certainly no way to please free new so you're saying you're not going to miss that part of it. I'm really and everyone keeps telling me that because my son is in show choir now and he disjointed this year they keep telling me like. Oh so much work. You'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT. You can't you know this much. There's it's a huge thing so far. I'm like this is so easy I mean I haven't done as much as other people are doing but hey I can harrison certainly not. Yeah so Nicole. How you've been enjoying your empty nest of activities. Did you hear that sigh of relief? Yes yeah I I mean. I enjoyed watching my kids but I have to say that the whole by the time they got to the end of high school the whole being the team mom kind of thing was just really old and I'm had no energy and I just abdicated all kinds of on something. I let the younger generation taken over. I feel like that's how I'm going to be with my son. Yeah the the second kid like well. Sorry I did and I already done that enough and I just you know me. I'm kind of very as with safer example. Teaching and taking kids on field trips very neat hands off when it comes to those types of external helping activities i. Don't you know somebody else deal that I have other strengths so now hi viewed my role as being a mom of a team player but yeah I would? I would rather do other stuff so anyway the list to say I'm not missing it at all and but see unlike you catherine. I know that you've formed some long like lifelong friends through. Yeah your participation in these teams in for me. I didn't have that connection. I didn't you know I think I probably tried in the beginning and didn't really wasn't successful. And then I just never saw that as an outlet for for me Yeah I'm I'm definitely gonNA miss some of the people isn't that always the way well and the Nice thing is if if she skates in college which she is planning to do then I can go to. Some of the competitions In all my pals will be there but I have no responsibilities watching. That is a wonderful thing about one college level new experience. Like when your house will be there. Why are the kids who are still skating for the? The current team will go to some of the same competitions though my daughter will go to as a collegiate skater. So I'd be able to just say hi to my to my friends and cheer on kind of our friends without having he won't be sitting there in the bleachers. Saying anybody feel like Panera. I'll just go just go water for US. In order he yeah. It's it's not anybody feel I get. It's like give me your order now. You really missing it. You can always be an uber driver. Staggers these skills that you can translate into a world if you start a little business you know of of being the person who orders the stuff for groups and get paid for it instead of volunteer. No you don't like I am never ordering food again pass. Yeah the up hold on. What about you Terry? Are you missing the days when your kids are activities? Well when my kids were in high school my daughter was the one who did think she was on the bowling team and I really didn't have any responsibilities with added all but I would go to somewhere her games. My my husband would and then my daughter was in the marching band. I was extremely involved in that possibly partially because I was sort of vicariously in the band through her who is not healthy but that was a lot of fun. I actually enjoyed that and I volunteered on the the parents committee. And kinda got in on everything that I could get in on and You know so I kind of miss that I mean it was nice to not have to take notes at meetings and type them up and stuff like that but it was sort of the apparent of kids who have taken sort of an alternate route through school a lot of special education a lot of resource room a lot of sort of not doing the normal things. It was like my time to be a regular parent. It was awesome. Are you know it was? It was really a good probably. I got more than my daughter dead but so I did sort of miss that connection and of course my kid's in a post high school took sort of alternate routes so I lost sort of all that contact and all that stuff I tongue in community band for a while and then for various reasons stopped at including feeling like you know I am. I am the the mother of the ex boyfriend who just keeps coming around so but now as adults. My son is very involved in Special Olympics. So I really responsibility to still go to a lot of games as do that. Sort of feels like our sports thing now and that will go on forever as long as he wants to be involved in it so we go to the bowling and we you know every June. We go to the the state's Special Olympics and hang out with his team the whole time and I do a lot of helping his fellow athletes and walking around with people and doing things so I'm sort of volunteering there. So that's sort of kind of a nice ongoing thing but now my daughter doesn't have anything so it's completely one hundred percents switched over but you know time will come again when all doing stuff. I guess if not I'll just volunteer old myself to involve myself in her life in ways that she would really rather. I didn't honestly honey if he would join something then. I would be able to channel really. Are you sure you don't want to join a bowling team somewhere? No well we will stay tuned to find out what you violent. Tell your daughter since you. I can tell her all I want. She's not going to do that. Going to work so is do. She's not as impressionable as parents. She'll just say I guess we feel like we have to. Yeah well we do have to wrap this up. So that's it for today's round three tune in tomorrow we'll talk about some parenting wisdom from James Vanderbeek and then come back on Friday to see what we've come up with for. Our roundabout roundup picks this week find episodes parenting roundabout dot com and talk back in the comments there on our facebook page or twitter. Where you'll find us at roundabout.

Nicole Erickson Terry Moro Olympics Catherine Echo Katherine Katherine Ramon James Vanderbeek Pinera Panera US facebook harrison twitter ten years
The Impossible Missions of Parenting

Parenting Roundabout

11:51 min | 2 months ago

The Impossible Missions of Parenting

"Look into the parenting roundabout podcasts. For the week of april nineteenth. Twenty twenty one every weekly chat about the things parents are talking about complaining about obsessing obsessing about right now i'm nicole eric's them here terry moro. Hello and catherine hello. Hello this week. We are complaining about kids in privacy and obsessing about the lost year of the pandemic will also taking a couple of breaks for an entertainment discussion in a recommendation roundup. Today we are talking about impossible missions. i'm going to throw this over to katherine katherine can give you some background as to what we're talking about today. Yes so periodically here at the podcast. We get to him ailes or other communications from people who think that they have something that we might like to talk about. And most of the time we don't because to the time they reflect a lack of understanding as to what we talk about right. Because they'll be about you know baby food or running a marathon or you know just something that is quite irrelevant So we get this one and it read as I'm looking to connect with podcasters and podcast hosts not sure what the differences like yourself on behalf of my boss as a navy seal. He had a one hundred percent success rate at two hundred plus of the most impossible missions so we thought wow you know if i had access to a navy seal one impossible mission. What i want him to do. I would be get my kid out of bed morning and into the shower and into the school classroom on time because that is an impossible mission. Feels like it most of the time. It's impossible for an ordinary civilians such as yourself but a navy seal with good record deal would could get it done so. I'm just wondering you know what impossible mission to you. Need a navy seal for Or maybe you know you feel that you are already completing impossible missions all the time without we're lone wolves. Yeah so terry. Do you have a mission for a navy seal. Should they accept it. I think sometimes it would be useful to have a seal team handy for those things you cannot find like i know it's somewhere in this house. I need a full reconnaissance of structure to turn up this item. You know pretended to bomb. Okay pretended something important. It's really just. Somebody's stuffed animal that they can't live without or homework. Where is that homework or my tax documents or something. It's here somewhere you know yet. Go find yeah. There are also certainly times. I would have liked to have sent some strategic reconnaissance over to the schools to find out what exactly was happening and you know meeting disappear. Certain personnel dispute. Get your infrared cameras on you know. Go stealthily move through the structure and eliminate the target. Yeah is that. Is that a possibility rent to seal for that. So we're not to eliminate them and relocate them. Seals have like a witness protection program. Just you know. Get them out of my kids. Hair get that bully. Find that bully adult or child and you know selling. Nobody will ever have heard of them. Yeah they'll be. There memory will be wiped from vigo seals do that. I'm not sure. I feel like we're moving into science fiction now. That's probably off book. But you know kids negotiate. Just what a personal assistant. I just think like just somebody who will like. I don't know do all those little things that just are you know they have to be done. They take up time like the cat litter or I dunno wiping down. The patio chairs for leaves driving force for that book the laundry. I've dinner. I just need a i need somebody. Who's available twenty four four seven at my beck and call and he gets a whole nother conversation but it does seem fairly impossible. Doesn't it right. Oh gosh yes i. That's exactly what i need is. It's just too much it's too much these days. I can't handle it took. they're gonna happen. I you know. Maybe it's the wrong team. Maybe it's not navy seal. What's that other one. step up from. Navy seal the one. That's even more intense naming thought that was top of the line. The navy's i think are at least we know of nicole's going to create a new branch of the service to dinner and do your cat litter. Cecile i'm in the special leauge nicole unit very prestigious top secret. Because really. you probably don't want to that. Yeah man but my daughter's room would be number one on that task. Less that special assignment would be tackling her bedroom. Yeah my daughter's room right now is looking like yeah. It could well series And that first mission would be to take out all of the empty water bottles in her room that would be to gather those to find them and gathered them and take them out to the recycling bin. That's the first task in the mission. Critical yeah now. I can't complain about my kids rooms too much. Because while they are indeed cluttered day are amateurs compared to me so even my son who collects receipts is neater than i am. So perhaps locating my organizational skills would be a stealth thing for somebody to nuke. They've been buried underground for a long time. You're going to have to root it out. You're going to have to interrogate some people to find out what happened to terry's ability to organize things. It is long gone. That is you know being in a cave somewhere in handcuffs. Well decades and i don't know about you guys that the second part of that mission would be going around and recovering all of the lost chords for plugging in our devices. Because they have they just disappear. We've bought so many over the years. And i don't know where they go like. We just always end up with one that is afraid and to. It is all twisted. We fight over it else. Who's charging what yes and my kids will look. Will you have sixty eight percent. And i only have percent. Yes well whose fathers that. I keep mine at high up. Like gotta go buy a ton of them and have them know they'll still disappear honestly goaded though like yes. You'll save them somewhere so you'll have them. You'll forget where that is. They'll go to send a search party to find them. They'll still be missing you just endless nice to have like some sort of Elites of Secret service sort of unit. That could follow your child to digitally and make sure they're not doing anything on the internet and you know make sure nobody's doing anything to them to sort of like throw themselves in front of the posts that are going to cause a problem and take them out. You know just constantly be vigilant so that you don't have to. I like oh that's great. Yeah i think that's something a lot of parents would like. Yeah sign me up. And then you know you. The parent are not the bad guy I'm sorry but you know norman. The seals said that cybersecurity expert in charge or not yes or Referred to conversation prior to this podcast. We need somebody who can do all the background checks for us. An investigate how somebody who would call it like the wouldn't have been nice when you're back in the day when you were trying to get babysitters dating children and the teachers wouldn't have been nice to know like who these people were going to spending time with your kids. Just have your personal seal unity. The babysitting kids won't get away with anything. You go eliminate the middleman. Just those kids will be shipshape. Squared away no nonsense. So do you think that your personal seal team like camps in your backyard or do you have to like build up hot back there for their in a van. Mark van on the. I'm envisioning them in like a van. That's like half of it's rigged up with all the technology that they have yet and then the other half. They've got bunk beds and they're just ready to spring into action at our beckoning. You don't you don't like we're not gonna push seal. Shed and the backyard next door. She sheds crowd about there. I don't know of seals do this. But it'd be great to have like a just a team of white hat hackers at your beck and call you can just you know. Find out things that are threatening And do things for you or maybe mess with other people for you more. Just you know when you when you know that you've paid this bill yet you keep getting notices have somebody just hack into the tilleke and just market is paid off or you know just just when the boondocks charging too much just go in and knock down a little bit to a reasonable amount for when somebody's not answering your e mail a do some sort of raid to force them to do so i don't i'd have them hack into school systems. Great book and just Helped my son along help them pass that one class. He's having trouble with that could work. And there's potential for these impossible missions. We all have them. Goodness knows i would like a little help however it but apparently the most impossible mission is getting out of this podcast episodes. So let's just say that's it for today's round one tune in tomorrow for entertainment themed around two and later in the week to find out what we're complaining about obsessing about and recommending right now. We're always interested in what you have to say so. Drop us a comment on our website our facebook page or twitter real. Find us at roundabout chat.

navy nicole eric terry moro catherine hello katherine katherine terry Cecile nicole Navy Mark van norman facebook twitter
038 Gail Zelitsky and Catherine Marienau

Wealth Transformation Podcast

39:16 min | 2 years ago

038 Gail Zelitsky and Catherine Marienau

"Are you so full of fear. You can't even talk about money and wealth. Dr cheryl is showing you how to shift your mindfulness with your wealth relationship. Most people don't even like to talk about money from a personal level. You can learn how to get past the fear and talk about money and wealth and free yourself to a healthy relationship no matter where you are in your life. Are you ready for some good changes <music>. This really affects all areas of your life. It's time for the wealth transformation podcast. Now here's your host dr cheryl charles shyer welcome to wealth transformation podcast hod cast. I'm dr cheryl and today we have the wealth of healthy aging after seventy and i have here they have gale zealots ski. Who is a longtime entrepreneur previous owner of two multimillion dollar businesses. It's a women have seventy seven and you wouldn't know it because i met her several months ago and she has vital energy boy and still will actively creating new models for growth in the business world she coaches women of all ages and stages to build businesses that soar over a million dollars mark. She guides them to rediscover their unlimited unrealized potential. She's an author speaker in now a podcast or and this is her podcast with catherine and all introducer after i finish this women over seventy podcasts she is a recipient of numerous awards mostly from recently depot twenty nineteen school of new learning she has the david justice alumni award mentor for at the hatchery food and beverage incubator co mentor age was innovators tators number small business advocacy council national association women business owners on and on and on who katherine katherine katherine marino has been listening to women's stories for nearly fifty years as a mentor to female students ages thirty five to eighty as an instructor of women's issues and as a researcher writer on women in has learners and on vital women in their seventies. Her primary context has been innovative customized demise degree programs for adult learners. Most of whom are women now at age. Seventy catherine is moving from fulltime faculty position to focus on her passion projects women's learning and development development through the lands of aging and adult learning through lands of neuroscience. I love that. I love neuro science where year today so welcome and welcome both of you. Thank you for coming our pleasure. Thank you yes anyway <hes> you. This is actually together the both of you. This is your first podcast that you're doing outside of <hes> yes oh well workum. This is special. Thank you for allowing me and being honored to do this. This is our first time interviewing together. Yes okay. I know gail you. You're an old hand talking in front of people and doing solid catherine yeah so <hes> <hes> anyway. You have well ten interviews that you've conducted so let's memorable with that wants to go first well. I'll start. This is catherine. I we're interviewing. We've so far we've interviewed. Women who are in in their seventies and eighties and some are working fulltime some have retired some you might say early retirement and a couple of things things that that stand out across these interviews is the women's incredible enthusiasm to keep learning to keep growing and learning out learning new skills learning new topics and sharing that learning with others and and being very much motivated by the desire to continue continue to find ways to contribute and and many of them are having to shift ways that they do that. <hes> that's seems to be <hes> really key driver and when he mean shift well for example carla who i think is episode number four how how recently moved to a retirement community with her husband of almost sixty years and had lived in a university community for almost sixty years and so she's had to shift <hes> she's a poet and a potter and she's so she's had to shift <hes> she's actually able to spend more time on those two two areas activities. She's has had to shift <unk> how she does it. She doesn't have the equipment that she had in her own home. <hes> she's having to learn to to do pottery. That's more conforming with her hands and less reliant on equipment <hes> and and she has a new a new community a new audience other people colombian and the retirement mandate. He listened to her podcast. You'll be just blown away by the poetry that she creates <music> nice and her poetry now is focusing on aging right exactly and i'm going to add to your repertoire a ninety eighty two year old who is still working and she just she was working on monday. She's a cycle therapist on colleges and she just took on half a day on wednesday so she works mondays all day and then i mean she's a major. You'll interview eventually elite. Yes we're anxious to do that for sure. So what other ones can you share you know <hes> when we think about aging we think about it as a powerful source of wealth and how how is as these women were that we have interviewed reviewed move into their later years how they are using all that they have gathered through the years and and it becomes it becomes a sense <hes> giving and gratitude and it in imagination and so you know we talk about women over seventy aging reimagined and each one of them that we have interviewed has really he taken serious consideration to what it is that they've accomplished and how they can inspire others continue continue giving. It's really a very exciting thing. We have a woman <hes>. We interviewed recently who who is sir. She created a book. She wrote a book called bandstand diaries. Do you remember ban statements. Remember bands down yes bandstand right exactly and so this book is all about the members of bandstand including someone who's was still alive who is who gave her a lot of information and really contributed to the book so it's a very very creative work that she is being told is going to turn into a movie and i i hope so well was de klerk klerk. Yes yes dick clark right. That's what i thought. Bandstand american bandstand exactly wonderful fun so i think one other aspect that that stands out is that <hes> many of the our guest talked about <hes> not not being afraid to make mistakes anymore tonight and that they have a sort of a different kind of courage and the time is short so they don't have time to worry about making mistakes steaks and and they're much more open willing to take risks but zac much less beer. You mentioned imagination. I'm i'm really curious. You know you know you know. Explain matter talk about them. So you know as you get <unk> older as you begin to age. You really do need to imagine what your life is going to be like in the next decade or so oh so that you can plan for it and all of these women that we interview our reimagining what their lives can be and how what they can do with their lives in order to continue to contribute and make a difference in the world so they get to draw in their creativity and their imagination to expense yes. It's it's really quite exciting. One of our guests <hes> retired without much plant of a plan for what she was going to do. After and then immediately was asked to come back to her workplace <hes> on a project basis and so she thought that would be a really good way to transition into we you know retirement being able to work part time. She struggled with all of a sudden she didn't really have much identity and she didn't have authority men. She struggled for a long time probably still is to some extent to be heard to be recognized to have our expertise valued and she so that that was one avenue for her but but another was that she has has been a strong researcher always interested in data and finding patterns and and she's moved at now to becoming <hes> very involved in genealogy and using those research skills to investigate family history and be able to share that with the family members and then she's also <hes> taken this opportunity opportunity to do a lot of self examination south reflection and looking for tools that can help her no herself better and she's quite committed to continuing to want to be a better person. I'm more effective inter-relationships now. If we can influence the younger generations so it's interesting that you say that because really one of the reasons we created this podcast women over for seventy aging reimagined is because it is for the younger generation we want women who are in their forties and fifties and sixties to to become a part of our community so that they can they can be inspired a. and motivated to think ahead and plan their their older years and we really really why younger women to participate in our facebook group and to become an essential part of this whole community. You know there's there's anyway. There's there's a strong movement towards <hes> intergenerational. <hes> mentoring and and people people working together and lots of younger women are pairing with older women to bring skills to the older women who really want them but don't know how to get them and so yeah right in using the wisdom from surrey using the wisdom from the you know the the older generation of women exactly exactly i i was participating in a group called ageless innovators <music> which is was is part of the chicago innovation program in obviously in chicago and and chicago innovation is very much into the center generational mentoring and they end so ageless innovators was created created so that people were paired with with older younger mentors and i was paired with a woman in her thirties and and we just spent six months together learning from each other. She helped me a lot with the podcast. <hes> many aspects of the that's great yeah. You all have your talents. You know we can share with one another so you have a facebook grew and it is it called women over seventy. Yes it is okay all right so i'll make sure that we you know broadcast that that's important. Thank you yeah. I'll definitely get on there and you got to be approved or you can just join rand now. We're leaving public public. Okay because we want to spread the word and you do not have to be approved but of course if we start getting posted are not you're right declined then we'll have to take steps to do something about that right right yeah so other than your both seventy the and beyond i mean i i know gail. You know you have a plethora of experience in life especially in business and education education and now catherine you too. I mean your education is background is something you know that can be a us beyond so tell us more about that. Well i i have been involved working in the field of of adult higher education for almost fifty years now as a teacher mentor publish writer author cetera but i started as <hes> in graduate school studying human development and it became clear to me pretty early on that the human models of human development. We're not kind to women in fact women were seen as less lesser developed than men and many of us would women who are studying in that also found that to be quite remarkable and so i think he was probably nineteen eighty or so that i really started to look really carefully at that the research and literature around human development and thankfully works started coming out that doubt more directly with women and women's development and a different voice by carol gilligan women's ways of knowing by <hes> blanca and her colleagues that gave us an entirely different perspective on on women and the women's ways of knowing you talked about the development of self of voice and of mind and that framework still works for me in terms of what's what <hes> how ways that we can have a look at women and <hes> areas that they're getting stronger in and that we would want <unk> tail and i are trying to shine a spotlight on the women who have strong voices and a good sense of self and <hes> and doing good you know wanting to do good in the world ten. They're coming out more and more and more especially in the politics world world yeah. You're absolutely right. I mean i am my goal is to <hes> interview with bater ginsburg. She is oh. I ages so admire. I've watched her whole documentary read about her. I have so much honor and respect yes. She has a class of her own. I mean she does. I just loved the way she handles things especially dealing with the man the old boys network politics. That's right <hes> you now. My career began in the liquor industry right where there were no women. There were only men yup gal stand because in my career. I've always been in the finance accounting world. I've always he's been around men and being an entrepreneur. You know you deal with men and how does the more direct. We start having now the one now so you know yes exactly catcher in and i met the doctor cheryl. I'm not sure if you know this slowing a mad at de pawl university. Oh okay when i was going from my master's degree about six years ago. Well i guess the longer it took me longer than that to get my degree. You know you did it notes. What's the main thing and catherine was my faculty mentor and we became strong. Friends and colleagues were after i graduated alan and we would get together regularly. We would talk about women's issues and always talking about women's issues and we were we. <hes> you know i kind of wanted to two interviews seventy women over seventy. That was my first thought he and so we were discussing it one day a._m. Catherine happily said let's do this one when a wonderful entree to your podcast in bert both <unk> backgrounds and then kind of you know molding year relationship or you know i mean it's i think it's also somewhat representative of the kinds of relationships that faculty and students often have in in the <hes> individually designed <hes> adult focused degree programs because we're really they're the mentors are there to to follow the students of for their their choices and help get rid of some of the barriers the best we can end the really wonderful relationships are formed and some last <hes> and deepen well beyond student graduating but i think that that is also indicative have of really getting to know people in what they're they're natural. Talents are and then you can work with sat. Yes definitely yes. You're not having the cookie cutter thing you know like schools dance dealing that's wonderful. Oh you know and it was inspiring to work with <hes> as you know in her student role because she brought so much experience and expertise the variety of areas so the challenge one of the challenges was i- goodness. How is she going to start to weave these things together in ways that that will really serve her. <hes> you know to go beyond just pulling things together. How's it going to help her move into her future aspirations and i think that was part of the early struggle was to you find the focus right exactly it's getting the podcast star now her on her graduate program who okay right which was which was was based on helping entrepreneurs use creativity to <hes> to find innovation in their businesses and <music> as i you know i've been a coach for twenty a business coach for twenty years and in these later years i have been working more and more with women because women need to learn to stand in their own power. If they're going to run powerful businesses they have to learn to be leaders who throat and so it's it's really pulling together my work with women over twenty years <hes> my leadership. I'm learning over a very long career and <hes> and so this podcast is is kind of a natural out. Put of all of that work in what do you hope to <hes> you know. I think you've already answered this question but you know woods the goal the real goal of your podcast so we want to help younger women be inspired and eventually we'll have resources that are available will be treats we will <hes> we will bring bring on some younger women to discuss their aspects of what they're what they are feeling and learning want to learn about <hes> <hes> aging and so it'll it'll expand as we move along as you said we've only conducted ten interviews and we're on on our way to turning this into a real movement and a community and the ability to bring people together young young and older women together together to reflect and to think about their future and to help each other yeah i think often women and in their seventies and eighties who are leading fulfiling engaging lives are don't have many role models to look at so they in turn become the role models <unk> being able to hear one another stories. No matter where were you are in in that age range. Your career is can be really inspiring and that's what we're kind of feedback that we're getting already just from having launched those few <hes> <hes> early in conversations. It's the story is the power of the stories and people can find a message or messages in most any any of those stories. I think that's that's wonderful 'cause i. I can can relate to a degree because i i haven't had a whole a lot of really strong mentors in my life and a lot of men a to i mean you know the females are are really starting to to leverage their self empowerment. That's what i love to see. You know in good balance healthy way. You're right about that. Yeah no question <hes> especially in a healthy way <hes> because i have been exposed to some that are very aggressive like men and you don't need to do that but when you're in your full empowerment like you to women you don't have to do you just speak the truth. Since you know we've gone through stages where women as they i entered the business world maybe <hes> thirty years ago in a strong way they they didn't know exactly how to behave bright no matter what they did they were criticized and they went through the period where they needed to wear suits like men so i had all these suits that i am with my neck so it and then we began to realize that no we don't need to act like man because we're women and we want to to be women and so withdrew away those suits and began to dress like we dressed a grim undress and and and so it's been it's been a <hes>. It's been a path that we've had to take in order to get to the point where where you just stated that we need to we can and will be accepted for who we are and what we bring to the table and i think speaking for myself and my other the women that are around me in business world. I think that when you really have that confident self-empowerment there's an energy that we exude that that's present you know when we're when we're talking to different people and interchanging with different people i think that it comes out naturally and that's what i love when it's nap innate and and today we try to facilitate conversations right we we don't want to just stand up and lecture sure if we're teaching we want people to learn to think for themselves and so hopefully from the podcast will be able to show a younger women that that they can facilitate their own aging reimagining it and make it work for themselves and and we wanna just facilitate take that and that's what we're doing by holding all these conversations the other thing we're hearing from the women that seventies eighties and event soon. We'll interview women in their ninety. S is the power of of not giving up. We hear that over and over again. We're not giving up. We we are continuing to work. Were volunteering in meaningful ways. We're writing books. Whatever it is that they're they're doing. It's being relayed you influence motivated by their own passions and their own their own desires and not the should 's that are so prevalent still we just as we just spoke to a woman in her nineties who we decided we couldn't interview. We couldn't have on our show because she's she's actively working surrey's. She's actively working. She's in her nineties. She's in real estate and and she simply will not reveal her age. An one one of our <hes> requirements is that you do do we deal your age. If you're going to be interviewed by us or hold a conversation with us yeah so that's kind of the purpose of you know not being ashamed or afraid or you know. She feels like she will be it will affect her relationship with her clients. That's really the shea. She's i for you to talk to zora dan good. That's great <hes> so so other than this. What do you do well. What what i do question. No it's for me. It's a open question because i july i. I retired fulltime time faculty position. That's all i've been here at at depaul for over thirty five years so one what do i do. I do podcasting with gail failed and i'm steam. I'm working full pardon or are you adjusting from you know thirty years eddie's six six years. I mean that's a long time so you must be going through an adjustment well. I have been in it long enough off to know what the adjustment is but the other thing that i'm working on a couple of other things one is writing a book with a friend and colleague who's has been involved in women's health integrative health for many years many decades <hes> so we're working on a book together <hes> focusing augustine on postmenopausal women postmenopausal and integrative approaches to health good and that starts in the forty sometimes even now as many many years post menopause so there's not much out there about that about yeah well it's because there's so many male doctors and what are they not exactly yes yes. They're still medical. Schools are still joel not doing much with <hes> about talking about women south or certainly not aging women the other thing we're not as <hes> continuing work with the colleague we wrote a book in that came out in two thousand sixteen about facilitating learning influenced by what we translating what we know about neuroscience <hes> so we are. We're doing professional development for higher education places <hes> health systems learning and development areas trying to to really put that emphasis on learning which is and how to the more we understand how the brain works better. We can all be facilitating learning as well as our own so in that such a vast area. That's still oh my gosh goodness. We're just scratching the surface on that one and so can you expound on the neuroscience part of this <hes> what i what i can say as that ah our approach is to take the more technical aspects scientific aspects and translate that into language that ah educators learning and development people can understand so <hes> of what we're so we talk about how for example how the the tendency of the brain when the when we're trying to protect ourselves from the unknown from feelings of threat what's going on and why people are so can be resistant to change why it's difficult to change one's mind why it's difficult to change behaviors and and being able to use metaphor and embodied approach to help the help the individual as well as groups groups be able to talk to be able to appreciate what's what's really going on in internally turn me in and and break patterns that are inhibiting huge area. I mean even younger you know. It isn't just an age thing. I actually might third book is is talking about how why in how you can break being so stubborn. Oh interesting right you know unconscious level level. When is that coming out well. I've started it but i haven't been focusing on it because i'm focusing on my podcast komo tv show consulting so i on it right now but i haven't on my list well. You'll get to it for sure you. Catherine was talking. I was thinking that the work that i do which is coaching <hes> coaching coaching women business owners some men too but primarily women business owners and teaching them to be leaders listen to run their their businesses. They're all entrepreneurs. It all has to do with with change with shifting shifting with thinking about things from a different perspective from looking at the way they've operated their businesses for so long and thinking how can and i do that differently and as you know the there's nothing more consistent than change spare to say who you can expect it every day every day. Oh my goodness you've gotta be adaptable and flexible off aw that's true. Yes i use the what i call the store for success system of acceleration the sore program is something that i created to help business owners think about sales and strategy and opportunities he's an and <hes> <hes> attitude and relationships and revenue and everything a my my mantras has nothing happens until the cash register rings and so heard thus for gail you must think sales dell's and think it every single day or nothing happens whether you're in retail or your in service or you're in manufacturing assuring doesn't matter that's true. Who's gonna keep that cash flow. Even though we're on the society that we're in we we can't do it otherwise i mean. There's a lot of bartering going on but still we're still in a very material cash society. Yes well some some way or another whether it's through barter or it's through bitcoin or it's through whatever ever is is going to be the new trend amara whatever the source is half to you have to be able to pay your bills you know and then awesome save save save grandma that she always said save your money xavier money right well. What wonderful words of wisdom can you both share. You know two or audience in cl- i would say keep if your options open continued to learn don't be closed minded and enjoy the world that you live in and think gratitude and positivie. That's what i would say thank you. That's wonderful so i i would underscore learning. I think that is the essential ingredient probably doesn't surprise you coming from a lifelong educator <hes> and and the other is to to to revisit some of the early interest in passions that one might have had and see if if those are something that you want to bring into the present and the future and to follow your values i think one of our one of our guests as a wonderful example of following her values are leading with her values rather than having a following a plan uh-huh and i think that's somewhat characteristic of many many of us now i am amen with that because you know my thing is about the unconscious and the conscious relationship with wealth and you know there's a lot of a lack of integrity <hes> that happens out there in the world. That's not my way of doing things in anyway but thank you so much for sharing and if there's anything else you wanna share please do before we close. I just appreciate you both coming on. It'll be fun and to get this out there in their social network world. We appreciate your having us. We really do good. Do uh we yeah it's really wonderful and <hes> we will. We would love to help you any way we can run on your facebook facebook group definitely thank you thank you. Yes subscribe to rate and review mantra. Eh yes really really and you know. I'll i'll let you don't we have all your your contact information. We'll get it out there. Are you know be a couple of weeks. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. We hope you enjoyed today's episode of wealth transformation. We encourage you to apply the information. You've learned with our wise guests to make your life better and make good changes. We appreciate you more than you know for being a part of our podcast when you were moved or motivated please let us know how the show influenced your life by emailing at dr cheryl dot wealth transformation at g mail dot com for a free consultation with dr cheryl to see how she can benefit you further please visit cheryl shire dot com or call four one five two four six six eight eight one as has a gift you can get doctor cheryl's booked wealth transformation integrity integrity integrity for only the cost of postage of seven dollars ninety five cents <music> until next time. You'll healthy and happy in your wealth no matter where you are in your life.

catherine gail Dr cheryl facebook surrey researcher dr cheryl charles shyer writer dick clark katherine katherine katherine carol gilligan chicago instructor david zac bater ginsburg rand dr de pawl university
Breakin' It Down with Sheilani Alix - Conscious Listening

Women Who Sarcast

45:44 min | 2 months ago

Breakin' It Down with Sheilani Alix - Conscious Listening

"Welcome to women who sarcastic. I'm cathy baron. And i'm shalon alex in a welcome to another episode of breaking it down. Wicky wicky. I know you love that jalen sick of that. Well you probably would. If i did it every time. You're right like every other sentence. I would but i'm trying to limit my annoyance trying to save it so we have a shoutout to do for our new patron on our women who sarcasi- patriot page welcome sandy from australia. Wiki wiki acute. That's already twice in like thirty seconds. Well you said you liked it and not that much just kidding. So thank you. Sandy for becoming a patron on men who sarcasi- patriae on your swag has already been sent in. Hopefully you'll get it in a month or two. Make it through customs. Actually if you haven't gotten already It will be there shortly so today's episode breaking it down wiki wiki. We are going to talk about what she lonnie. Because this was your idea. And i love it and i can't wait to talk about it. My idea. good to talk about it. Well i'll just mention the topic. It's about listening. What would you say. I and listening gotta about ways to better listen. Yeah as a series of ways for for how to listen better when you're out there living in the world because listening is all about connection and understanding and can't get enough of that that's right. Got misunderstand a mike the wiki. Wiki can't get enough of that skipping. Will there's always disliked conscious listening This gentleman treasurer. I like that man by the way Was like whoa stage. Rock star name. And he's a leading expert on sound and how to use it best and he states that listening is our access to understanding conscious listening always creates understanding and he has an awesome. Ted talk from edinburgh scotland from july. Twenty eleven sushi deli. Check that ten years ago. Wow that's crazy. I know right when you say it out loud like that. Ten years ago is still relevant. Obviously bet yeah probably even more. So i think they're like rabbit. Hold down a bunch of lake new yorker articles like somehow ended up on the topic of listening and then came across that link. When i sent it to you so sylvan year rabbit hole. Let's definitely ranchers. That's So he starts off by saying we spend roughly sixty percent of our communication time listening. How much do you think we retain. What percentage of that Sixty percent. I would say ten. Well you don't have faith in anybody. Apparently thirty how one half percent. I almost said twenty five. But i just know how. I'm basically retain ten so that makes sense. I think i've experienced that actually all the time. So we only retain twenty five percent so think about that people think about the conversations you've had recently with people whether it's co workers or friends or family in think about how much attention you're actually giving that person or was your mind wandering about what you need to do or how you hate your job or hate your relationship. Or that so-and-so cut you off for a minute so now that's that's making me. Think the math about twenty five percent. We actually retain and i feel like in an offices. In workplaces. people are very conscious to be concise and succinct. About what they're saying really. It's like a lot of people. Praise you know a ten slide. Powerpoint that really kinda gets directly to the point versus like a twenty five page. Powerpoint just goes on and on but if we're just looking at numbers then i mean does it. Does it twenty five percent cap at a certain point because the more you put out then. The more information is retained. So why would i want to shorten what i'm saying if you're only going to retain twenty five percent see. I think you need to call. Julian have this discussion with him. He said reach out to him. He learned listening to people. So maybe can listen to you because obviously nobody else's i'm just talk about loud. Apparently did you get. I retained twenty five percent. Interest rates are not mean interrupt. Please exactly so. Maybe you should listen. So listening equals making meaning from sound. It's a mental process counter process of extraction. So we're listening to someone talking or listening to noises if you're like in a coffee shop or in a conference or convention or extracting we're always processing what to extract from those sounds so if we're like in a crowded bar or something and you say my name i would probably pick that up because it's called pattern recognition so because i hear my name okay. Your name's not very popular but if you're in avar and euro talking to somebody and you heard your name from across the room you'd be like who's calling me right sonar. Yeah yeah and another technique that can be done is called different scene technique so julian called it pink noise which i kind of like better than white noise. What do you think gets it kind of. You can kind of see the color when you hear pink. Noise inc annoys right. Yeah so different. Seeing technique is that you discount. Sounds at remain the same so if you hear white noise or pink noise eventually you're going to discount it like you're going to stop hearing it. Did he mention if any of that Once you start discounting and not hearing it had any other effects on your body or your being like i'm trying to i'm thinking for example obviously goes to accu music and patterns and rhythms right A lot of the times like the pop music seems it's popular because there's this really kind of foundational to it that you see in a lot of other songs so people probably tend to gravitate to because it's not difficult to have to latch onto but i started to think of things like electronic dance. We have these very repetitive rhythms. And sounds in a wonder. I'm wondering and curious like how that having an effect on people like to be get halfway through the song and they just zone out maybe do they just not hear it anymore and if they don't do that like any other physiological effects on your body when you're doing it well i think i mean he didn't talk about the physiological or the physical Effect sound because this is basically about listening just listening. Yeah but it's true. I mean if you hear a jackhammer. I mean yeah it's gonna be pissing me off especially if i'm trying to do something creative or something or if you hear or if you're nature and you hear the sound of stream i mean that's going to affect your comment physically as well so i definitely think that happens. Yeah i was thinking of that. As as i'm thinking of this repetitive noise every thursday without fail for the last year the weed whacker dudes like they're outside my window and has to be like one of my biggest meeting standing meetings that week So it's like it's always stressful around that time. And and i even know like the second i wake up that morning. I'm already like oh god like the. We'd wider. You're like anticipating you think like okay. Let me move to another room and you try these different things. But you but even. If i'm far farther away from it than i normally am. It's still stuck in my brain. I feel like almost here just as loud as about were sitting right next to the same place. So yeah because we're like hypersensitive yup to it's like you almost like zero in on that sound because you know it's there exactly even though you don't want to so that would be called a filter. We didn't it real life. Applications it another way is filtering so that can be based on culture. Language values beliefs attitudes expectations and intentions. And we filter down to what we pay attention to like your whack. A mole weed whacker in most of the filters are unconsciously done so. We don't realize that we're filtering. Sounds or someone speaking in that we create our reality based on what we're paying attention to in the moment and filtering in terms of filtering honing in on or filtering getting rid of right. Yeah i think both both ways. Yeah yeah because. I remember a lotta times growing up. I would be on the couch and it'd be watching tv. And i would be totally zoned out in my my mother. My father would be talking to me and they'd be like katherine katherine. I'd be like what it's like. I didn't hear them talking to me. Because i was like so zoned in My warner brothers cartoon show brady bunch. Sanford and son. That was another good one. Big time Lee webb it. I could totally see you. Do like zony now. Not a kid yeah. I'll open a elmer focused. Yeah excuse me. i'm watching my show can do not talk to me. Excuse me do not. Disturb right intention is very important in sound and enlisting so when you're talking with someone and i kinda go to talking with because i think that's when me need the most practice in listening because i know a lot of times when you're actually talking to someone your mind can wander and so you're not fully giving them your attention and you're not hearing which is why we only retained twenty five percent is because there's other things going on whether it's a noise or in our head or rushing to get somewhere multitasking in our head. Yeah the one thing that i've learned is that if you're talking with someone and you want to say something you want to interrupt them is like take a breath and just maybe count to ten In your head and refocus and give them that attention one of best pieces of advice that was given to me. When i first got out of college had my first job in an office. You'll mike an adult. Whatever i had this really great boss mentor. I don't really talk to as much lately. But just having now and then finding each other on social media she you know i'm pretty excitable as you could. Yeah right all so anyway she. She sat me down one day and she was like like. I just want to give you a piece of advice as leaving for grad schools even job. And she's like want to give you a piece of advice and just take it as constructive. You've got to stop interrupting people. Mid thought you have to like take a breath like when you're getting ready to say something and be able to read the other person to know that they're not done talking right and that's just like a lifelong kind of skill. Have to donate every time you meet. Somebody new you have to learn. What their communication style is. I work with a mix of people who just totally talk while. They're thinking that's cool. That's fine and then there are other people who take really intentional pauses. Because they want to be intentional about what they have to say mid conversation. They're not you know thinking and talking at the same time so anyway all that to say now. That's a red vice. That's that's what it's like. You take a moment to just let them and that's kinda like when you have a conversation in your head while you're talking with someone is how you can interrupt because you want to say what you're thinking Because you feel like it's just so important to say in the moment. But i think a lot of times when people are talking to you. It's important to listen to what they have to say. Because it's not about what you want to say that's right especially if someone is trying to look to you for support and their commun- about what's happening It's not a good idea to be like. Oh yeah. I had that experience ten years. It's like it's not about you. Just listen to them and sometimes you don't even need to say anything. Just listening to them is all that they need. Yeah but give them that space to say what they wanna say you said of interjecting and projecting your experience and what you think they should do or whatever. That's that's actually the it makes it harder. If you are thinking of something and getting ready to interrupt somebody in it is to just listen right. It's like clear out your head and your energy to be able to just hear them out and then formulate whatever. Your idea is one of the tactics at my boss. Mentor co taught me was like what she said. Just take a breath and even just the act of like getting ready to say something but stopping yourself will satisfy the urge to have to speak something right amend. That's also just like a conscious moment for you to stop and realize what you were about to do and then just kind of in my head just kinda capping it off with all right. I'm going to stay quiet. Because that's just that's another way of kind of showing respect of like giving that person a little bit of space so all of that happens in the span of like two seconds or whatever but yeah it's it's hard. I mean. I'm not gonna. I get really excited about something. It's really hard to kind of catch yourself. Feeling pretty passionate but Silence is golden. Guess well in sound places us in space and time and listening is the main way that we experience the flow of time and sound has time embedded in it which. I found very interested for interesting to hear that to hear. Julian say that sound has time embedded in it. Because if you if you think back to like oh what did i do yesterday in the morning or something. Oh i see you know you kind of hear you kind of remember. What was what you're seeing. Maybe what you were hearing like. If he heard a big boom or something yesterday morning that could kind of help. You remember what time it was or it's like that. Remember that one podcast. We did about songs. Triggering memory But that kind of i feel like. That's kind of an alignment with that as well too. That's interesting i think about that today. I'm going to be more conscious listening to a more of your surroundings whether to or not probably so jillian also basically said is we are losing our listening and there are many reasons for this and one of them is that we have found ways to record rioting audio video recordings the world is so noisy that people put their headphones on to block out the noise and then nobody is listening to anybody which is true. Because when i was working in the office i would put headphones on to block out the distractions people talking that sort of thing off the slide boss behind me and scare the crap out of me. Because i didn't hear coming up behind me we're also becoming impatient. And we want sound bites so that that kind of goes with if you're listening to someone if you're talking with someone who's trying to tell their story that's were being patient comes in and it is true. We want the cliff notes on everything. It's just tell us the punchline. It just isn't enough time laughter short guy. Go in a got things to do. Things do what you're saying. I got to do what i'm sleeping true. Says the person who goes to bed at two thirty. In the morning i had a big cake and the art of conversation is being replaced with and dangerously replaced with texting Yeah i mean. I would rather tech somebody than to somebody to be honest. I know there's some truth in that like you. Just you lose that connection. I mean look at for example. Excess does weekend owner texting back in. Like i totally missed a pretty big. You know because it's sixty. I would would've paid attention if we talked. But i know it's hard to talk because we're too busy doing things and to basic you weren't even paying attention to my texting. I was saying okay. Wow what else still did what you told me. That's true crack in the wind percent. The talk was up to late. May get a cake and doing what you told me. I didn't tell you to do that again. So like side note on the whole like texting versus talking thing. This'll be quick but Probably about two years ago. I would say i was at a bar. Whatever and this guy comes up to me. And he's like just he just be whatever trying to talk and he said to me He's like hey. Can i get your number and i was like no no no you and then i was like okay. Whatever like you'll jailani gives number out to everybody number. Just ask irs give it to you. The the way i see my numbers out there just for like business and musical already so whatever anyways so i give it to him and He says he kind of he reaches over neat touches my hand and he says i'm going to call you tomorrow. I'm not texting me. Okay yeah whatever. Totally did a day at a very decent. I'm he did what he said. I was like nervous. 'cause i was like why can't you just send a test and they lived happily ever after about but yeah but i i the the reason why i bring that up is because that moment really sticks out to me and in this kind of age of texting and emailing and all of that like yeah okay. It's quick but just to hear it's so nice to just hear somebody's voice just to break up the texting and you lose so much in communication through written communication right. Unless you're very articulate about what it is you're trying to convey it in the moment like going really fast like how could you tell if You know a texas angry or happy or sad. Or whatever. I mean business depends on the emojis at the us. That's but i mean that's kinda why you put the little things at the end of statements like ll or laffy face because they you know when something could be read ten different ways and that is it's just one way of Getting a little bit closer to expressing what it is that you wanna you wanna say you know for an absence of having a voice there were. You could hear the tone. Read the tone all of that little bit better than written. I dunno anyway. But i think texting also encourages the impatience. Yes yeah so that even diminishes are listening. Skill skill diminishes it diminishes are listening skills. Basically what it does Yeah we we. Don't get a chance to practice. That and ski any skill no matter what it is needs practice. And we've kind of shot ourselves in the foot by thinking okay. We can be more productive quote unquote productive. But at what price right. Yeah i mean that. Kind of goes along with multitasking. Like if you're in zoom meeting and you're sending emails and doing other stuff you're not paying attention to the meeting. There's reasons for that but on the other hand you need to be listening in the meeting. Jail wonder what that might be capi. That's a whole other. That's all the podcast and we are becoming desensitized. The media needs to have shocking headlines for us to pay attention and everything is on people's video camera on their phone are always audio and video videoing situations on their phone which in some ways is great but at the same time i think it's also desensitizing people. Yeah yeah at the end of the day though. It's up to us to practice a little bit of self discipline to be like right. Enough's enough i'm going to have a balance of you know talking to people instead of texting. Just when you can. And it's hard to find time because everybody's schedules are so weird and different and off So you don't always have the luxury able to connect Kind of quote unquote in person. Well i think that's what our filters need to come in. And you know what are what our values beliefs and our attitudes are as far as the headlines. But it's harder for us to pay attention to the quiet the subtle and understated. Because we're always going going going. There's always some noise somewhere and some people are uncomfortable with silence. Right there is that yeah. And and i don't know if that's just a communication style like how do you flex to that. While also containing the balance of having a little bit of silence you just force them to be quiet. Might make them anxious so. Julian recommends that we be silent for three minutes a day. Could we be doing stuff all or do thing. Almost like a meditative kind of thing or well. I think you can be doing something but don't have music on. Don't have a conversation. Just be quiet doable. So that's one. That's the first thing that he lists as his five simple exercises to improve your own conscious listening is to be silent. Three minutes a day to reset your ears into recalibrate so you can hear the quiet again I like that can have a moment of silence right now. Yeah okay. Thank you puzzle stressful. Oh man the next exercise tool that he recommends is the mixer which is listened to how many channels of sound. You can hear whether you're in a coffee shop or a nature or sitting at an outdoor cafe. How many individual channels in that mix are you listening to. So you're consciously and intentionally maxine the sound up like your i guess dividing dissecting sounds at your hearing which i think it'd be kind of cool because it's definitely an intentional focus exercise. I i definitely do. We're talking about this earlier. But i definitely do want to send you this link of a may have brought it up in a previous podcast. How amid pandemic how. These bars were closed. There's like this website. We go on and click the different. Sounds that you would hear in a bar for whatever your bar was so there might be you. Click on a box and it's like people chattering in the back or it might be super crowded bar might be. The bartender mixing drinks behind the bar. Cars was by. There's also A rainy night at the bar gear like rain coming down on the street. Melinda unlike cars was in by like a driving in the rain Which is a little bit scary to but anyway but it. It's that's kind of a nice practice of being able to eight different. Sounds like mix so you're talking about mixer like a mixing board when you're recording every different channels. Yeah and the third exercise tool is savoring enjoy. Mundane sounds like the hidden choir and surround us all the time. That's a good band name maneuver choir. Oh hidden choir. Danes sounds like the worst marketing as your job over stage mundane sow. That was a good moment of silence. Silence in radio is not necessarily a good thing. Now podcast so enjoy those mundane sounds although a jackhammer isn't necessarily i mean i guess it's a mundane sound but it's kind of irritant unless you like it. Whatever floats your boat kathy judge. That's true sound could be a group of people out there. That are just all about the jack hammering so julian says the most important of all of these exercises is listening positions. Yes there are such things as listening positions. There's active passive reductive expansive critical in empathetic in. Those are just a few positions that he mentioned. Wait say that again. Active passive reductive expansive critical empathetic extreme. Discussing what each one really meant so. That's your homework for today. Is to look up what today's mean and use them as listening positions although i can kind of guess what. The critical empathetic one means Was he called it. A position. like I think where your source based on where you are are you. The active or passive allies. Are you the critical. Or you then pathetic. I know what your mind went off so yours why you put it off me. Can it's easier that way position like sitting in a chair versus driving in my bed laying in bed toilet taking a shower versus dressing your small Doing the laundry doing the dishes like mopping the floor vacuuming. God sorry. julian were just chopping up. Aren't we jillian. We'd love you and your name so the final exercise tool that you can use to improve your own conscious. Listening is an acronym called raza r. a. s. a. in it sanskrit word for juice or essence rosza when i saw that and read that I why about roster rest the mind. it's like your mind just inserts. Things obviously places they should not be if we can find a word for the t. Than i think i'd be dealt with roster t- We'll work on that one. Okay so ours for receive. Pay attention to the person a is for appreciate making little noises like Oh okay you go girl s. is i summarize. The word so is very important in communication. I didn't quite get so all the time. Which is kind of like annoying after awhile. Maybe it should have been so with hellos after it sir. Which is saying is. That's a good one shea. Lonnie so what i'm hearing is. Let me repeat back to you. My god i hate that. I know i i get it okay. What i'm saying and move on patients kathy patients and then a is for ask ask questions afterward and the t could be take time. Summarize take time an ask can be a s. t. t. a. t. t. rasta or or only about this. How about this. It could be another s for silence and then ask rasa. Do you mean yeah okay. I'm gonna remember that you could go on the road with your ross jillian treasure talk. Take to two point. Oh two point zero version. Two point no didn't use later ten years later. The decade anniversary. Ten ten year anniversary edition so every human being needs to listen consciously in order to live fully. Let me say that again please. Every human being needs still this unconsciously in order to live fully connected in space and time to the physical world around us through. It's real it's real for real. The and julian wants and needs us to teach the skill of listening in our schools. Which i think is a great idea agree with that. Just thinking of kids who might have like learning disabilities and just how that would be like beneficial anybody really but especially for those. That might have a little bit of a. You know like an attention deficit disorder or something. That is a very real thing that needs a little bit more support. Yeah so music is part of sound. shalon asked what music i listened to for creative purposes. Or when you're being creative or wanna distress and so. She made a little playlist on youtube. Wiki wiki modern-day mix tape some of my favorite artists and some of her favorite artists music. So i will put this information in the show notes with the youtube link. So if you're looking for some new music sounds and want to kind of chill definitely check it out. It's got some good Instrumental like alluvia. Mm-hmm dj the knife. This will destroy you Those are my favorite i. I liked listening to them to alluvia. M- was interesting to me. Although i gotta admit i was the one the songs or albums that i was listening to They sound the lake lake Stuffy listen to when you're getting a massage my stuff blue vm. Oh okay. Maybe i think the one the ones that i listen to you that we're probably a little bit more like that. But the point is At some point lonnie the point is. It's it's really good. It's ambiente it's like very it'll it helps. I feel like if you listened to it. It'll help bring your blood pressure down Was trying to figure out what genre they fall under. What what they've been classified as they notice that they were classified. As i'm beyond neoclassical. So it's very orchestral. Very a big big big walla sound and Huge huge wall of sound. I feel like there's a lot going on in it on the soundtrack in a movie one of his albums talk amongst the trees I listen to when. I would fly. Because i was a little anxious. Liar oh and so. I would put it on even though not supposed to have headphones on retake off but i would put it on. It actually would like help me fall asleep. I could see that it's super relaxing Some of mine is Speaking of flying i There's a Channel on youtube called hop music and it sounds a little bit goofy. But it's this is just a bunch of beats and instrumental. I think sometimes there might be vocals while too but they're like these one to two hour mixes basically that you can have playing in the background like while you're studying while you're doing different things and the way that they do. Their videos is based on a scene so like one of them is called a chill steady. Beats another one's called airplane mode music. Listen to while you're flying. What was called nighttime. Rahman i love that. Yeah it's really cool. It's almost like be soundscape that they're creating Through these one to two hour mixes and one day. I tried to I played it just to see like how you know how it would affect the day. Or whenever i was doing played it in the afternoon while i was cleaning and it really like calms things down on quite a bit at it almost creates this will at least for me and ended up creating visual within my space hearing all of this All of these sounds like you could see colors. i could see things just filling up my space And that makes it a little bit kind of more cosy. so show hop. Music is definitely worth checking out F k j. An macedo cage is a is a. He's like a french. Multi instrumentalist does a lot of songwriting and producing french. Kiwi juices. What that stands worse in french do so a couple things on there. I had to give props till like a local to some local as an artist here. Dj's f- We've done something called a talk. There's something that i put on his. It's been addicted to that lately. For some reason Tom mesh and english musician producer Who has a really great. Npr tiny desk concert. That's worth checking out as well and then A couple of vocalists. A gregory porter and jessie ware who just their voice like no matter what they're doing or singing it's so relaxing. So i put a couple of those on their jesse where i put for you because i don't know if you've heard of her before but i thought you think you introduced her to me. I like her just the way her her sound is just a lot of dance music as well too but she's also super relaxing. I think i thought of her. Because i was listening to the knife. They're pretty cool. I like them a lot. And i really like the songs that you had suggested. Marble house heartbeats Those are both like two thousand and three and two thousand and six but they kind of remind me of a mix between their videos anyway and a little bit of their music videos reminded me of something that primis would do remember but then actual music itself like the woman's voice. Sounds like a mix between bjork and tori totally. Yeah eight. I like it a lot. It's just yeah that's wide like two hours going down the rabbit hole more. dj shadow. Like why would. I not listening to that dude sooner. Those were my couve days my vancouver washington as i was introduced the dj shadow. So all of you can listen to this too. Because i carefully stitch together on a probably carefully not because i missed a couple of things but there's a big log hours and hours of music to listen to you and i gotta say like at the end of it all when i put it all. I'm like wow. There is something for everyone here. If you're into the ambiance you got it likes hip hop you. Gotta you like to chill out right there. You want some jazz okay rock. Sure why not. It's all in there to check it out. Wicky wicky who i can't that was okay kathy. Because that's it's all about timing. So i get to make sure to practice the five exercises in improving your own conscious listening. Yes practice and like. Cathy said after you practice those things. Check out our playlist. See how thick calm you down. Gets you energized making more creative and more importantly if you like what you hear on the playlist go and support the artists directly that are on there. That is some free ninety nine stuff but that's just to introduce you to their music and all of the musicians on their have wonderful catalogs of stuff so blue support your local and big time musicians. Give him some love with your mind. The word and give this podcast some la as if you want the patriots. Join us at women who are cast on patriots on. You'll get more than enough freebie stuff. And you'll also get behind the scenes with me and shea lonnie. I mean who wouldn't want that. God and Audio we don't have photos currently because we're not in the same room but once that happens again we will be snapping the pictures. Yeah capi work so hard you guys at this and she does a fantastic job and just so much growth and awesomeness especially in his past year with these wonderful network of podcasters so give some love. Give some shoutouts and the first issue of women who podcast magazine. We'll be dropping on thursday april fifteenth. It's digital so. Keep your eyes peeled for that. You can follow the magazine on instagram at women who podcast magazine in you can email us this very long email on. I didn't really think about it at the time. But women who've podcast magazine at g. Mail dot com or women who sarcastic at yahoo dot com. I mean there's just so many channels that you can reach out to us so open so very open and we won't give you the silent treatment. I'm excited about your magazine county. The first issue you guys is coming out this week so excited out. We've got some awesome podcasters amazingly talented podcasters contributors writers. It's a all woman operated and owned so support it and you might find a podcast or that either you've been looking for and didn't know it or just looking for podcast that interest in picture picture interests that you want to start listening to Lots of good stuff out there. So thank you again. She lonnie for another awesome episode. Very interesting and you can find shea. Lonnie at she lonny alex dot com for her music. And you can follow her on instagram as well. Thanks for having me kathy key. No money and y'all have a great day. Okay bye thank you for listening to women who sarcastic and independent podcast. We welcome in encourage your snarky comments. Contact us at women who are cast at yahoo dot com and follow us on twitter and instagram. At women who sarcastic support us on patriots and become part of our sarcastic community visit. Www dot patriots dot com backslash women sarcastic show music provided by. Mike bossy yanni.

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57. Unladylike Hotline Advice-A-Thon

Unladylike

48:04 min | 2 years ago

57. Unladylike Hotline Advice-A-Thon

"Two things that I need this summer caroline flavor and refreshment that's why I'm going to be picking up one of the three flavors of Bud Light Shuhada. There's original extra lime and the newest member of the BUD light shell out of family mango pick up a bud light a lot today and learn more at Bud light dot Com Bud Light Chilanga flavor that refreshes Hale and welcome to soft rock unladylike the show that finds out what happens when women break the rules. I'm caroline. I'm Kristen and a couple months back. We decided to do a little experiment. Try Try our handed being old school radio hosts. You Know Delilah style. Thanks for your calls tonight Casselton and Greenwood. We're playing soft rock for a busy world. I'm Delilah. I'm be one of five point inch seven okay caroline back to our normal voices so we opened up our unladylike hotline for two hours and took every call that came through recording it live some y'all we all want advice wanted to share things with us and some y'all just wanted to say hey yeah and it was so energizing to hear from folks and to actually get to talk to some of you beautiful ladies yes and you allowed us to share ourselves ourselves and you know maybe over share with all of Y'all too so today. We're bringing you a condensed version of our hotline bling because we want to know what's on your mind caroline. The unladylike lines are open. We've got some callers yup I up. We have Katherine Katherine. You're on the line high so cool to talk to you. Guys Talk to you. How's how's it going good so I have a question like we I've been debating whether or not I should try to get back together with my ex now? Wondering if you guys thought those ever good idea or if you have any stories about it I think it can be a fine idea depending on the circumstances around the break-up so follow up question. What's your hesitation around it now? I think it's been almost hugh long. It's like nine months ago the initial relationship with only like I six months I feel like you've probably over it by now. Oh so you're thinking about like reaching back out to him and seeing if there's still a a spark I'm the one broke up with him. Oh I've been in the situation okay. It didn't go well but I'm not saying I'm not saying that it will go badly for you. I'm saying that I I did it knowing that he was already dating dating someone else I I threw caution to the when he was one of you know you know when you're sitting on a feeling and you're like if I don't fucking say this like. I'm going to die right now yeah so I told him how I felt and he was like you know I. I really appreciate that but like I am with this girl now you know and I like her and things are going all right. That's kind of how it ended yet which leads to my question for you Catherine. Of why did you <hes> why did you break up with this person. mm-hmm well also kind of stupid phone <hes> leaving for study abroad and also at this time I had it in my head that couples should do everything together and I was definitely the more extroverted side that relationship. I felt like if you didn't WanNa go to parties like God drink your whatever we just couldn't make it work but now questioning but outlook <hes> well okay one thing that I will say about the <hes> the socializing thing thing having to do the socializing for the both of you. I would think twice about that because you're not going to change his his style yeah but I think it's all about like weighing weighing the things that you really like in that you miss versus the no reasons why you decided that it was time to part ways and I think that there's you know it. The stakes are kind of low because honestly what source it could happen he could say hey no what I've moved on and you could say okay cool now. Now you know what to do. You know then you have your direction. Yeah might have to be here where it goes. Well good luck to you like from from someone who's been there like good luck and please take comfort in the fact what kristen just said of like either way after you guys talk like you will have your answer absolutely think he's much for your health of thanks so much for calling in Katherine. He's by a good day you you too bye all right next up on the line. We have Natasha Hi Natasha. Thanks so much for calling unladylike I oh you guys good how're you I'm good. I wouldn't tell us you guys would do say you'll like out in like a social situation and everyone's having gone on and then someone says something that is sexist racist homophobic transphobic and it's just a common uh-huh and like a throwaway comment and you're just saying that and you'll like do I stop everything and cool them out or do I like just let this go and then you live with like the feminist gill of like not having spoken up like what do you guys do in that situation okay. This just happened to me so I was at a wedding shower not too long ago and a girl who you know she's not a friend of mine. I've met her once. I don't know her <hes> she made a very questionable comment and nobody was down with what she was saying but nobody was saying anything to get her to stop and I finally just turned to her like I physically turned my body towards her and I said what's your problem blamed. You just like to make people angry now. Granted there was very little conflict there for me personally and there was very little social fear <hes> so I didn't feel weird about calling her out on her really weird commentary <hes> that can be a little harder though when perhaps it someone you're close to or someone. Maybe you work with so yeah. Maybe Kristen have has some thoughts yeah if you I think there's a lot of power in questions but if directly asking what is your problem feel sue confrontational. I think simply asking why why do you think that or why is that funny funny because a lot of times these comments you know come across. They're supposed to be jokes and there is no quicker way to disarm and diffuse a racist sexist. All of the ISTS joke doc than just simply. Ask someone like why is that funny right yeah. Do you feel like maybe uncomfortable speaking up because of your like relationship to these people yeah like L.. Sometimes it's like <hes> either either like friends that I kind of Taizhou relationship with so we don't really have that kind of white relationship where you can cool them out and it makes me uncomfortable and they could pasta and sometimes it's like all that my family 'cause I live. I live in Chicago buying from in England so I only see them like I mean a couple of times a year so you're in a situation with them and they say something and I'm like Oh. It's Christmas Day and I don't WanNa be hush and not because then goes well actually GRANDPA yeah. I think I really do agree with Kristen in that particular case especially like if it is your grandfather just being like why because it helps it helps you learn more and get insight and also challenged without being a jerk but maybe hopefully also helps them kind of think through this baggage that they're carrying yeah great. Thank you very much you help. I don't say that the cost of book everything you guys do well. Thank you TASHA. That's that's really nice to hear a calf next up. We have Becca Hey BECCA. How are you doing well are you? They are calling no. Thanks for doing this. So is there anything on your mind signed that you wanted to ask us about today. There is yes so <hes> I personally sometimes struggle with <hes> you know that anxiety self-doubt Kinda like holdover <music> maybe from like garbage programming and I was wondering if you all ever struggle in terms of self esteem competence and how you were to combat that yeah yeah short answer short I answer yes yes yeah. There's so much garbage programming. I mean think about like Christian. I have been podcasting together for a long time. We've done a lot of research. We we know just like you do in our are logical brains that we have so much patriarchal societal baggage that we are dealing with it is influencing. Maybe how we feel about ourselves our bodies what have you <hes> but logic isn't always always the way to get rid of those feelings. Sometimes you can't out logic your own just like anxiety spirals or negative self-talk. I totally get it yet. Speaking of self talk one thing that's been really really important for me in working on my own self esteem and how I think about myself is reminding myself to talk to me like I would a friend because I mean caroline can attest. I am the meanest person to myself and I and I realized that I when I say those things and even think those things about myself and undercut what I am thinking in doing in saying that I'm really internalizing all of those negative messages so even just starting with that self talk. DOC is has been really helpful for me. Is there anything Carolina. It's been helpful for you. In this area. Okay this is going to sound like cheesy and like I'm just saying this but I promise I'm not just saying this <hes> one of the side effects of Christian and me building the community that we have around our show and our book and all of that good stuff <hes> is honestly like the incredible listeners you right in and so being part of a community where people are a talking about it and be encouraging one another to like get it out there and maybe bounce it off someone. Who's like you know what like I've been there and maybe you'll feel better tomorrow? Is there anything thing in particular around around these kinds of self confidence issues more specific <hes> much just like you know as you know professional in my work like I signed. unwanted comes to sometimes situations where i'm challenged by other coworkers or individuals i strong for maintaining that confidence as i worried if <hes> saying that my computer in writing curricula yeah can i ask what what line of work you're in oh sure <hes> so i worked for <hes> a university i used to be in kentucky now pennsylvania <hes> and i do <hes> violence prevention programming cramming for sexual violence eating intimate partner violence and stalking wow wow well thank you for your work one thing that i repeat to myself <hes> is anxiety lies <hes> and depression lies is too but like for me a lot of time my anxiety convinces me that things are worse than they are that things are more dangerous or threatening <hes> than they are or simply that i am the center of more negative attention engine than i am yeah similarly a go to <hes> can mantra of mine is feelings are not facts i hope that helps becca no he's on south open you know it helps joe's <hes> you know talking about it which is sort of like you said naming it address again i'm sort of thing so it does help this was the highlight of probably my my year my life i appreciate your support we love talking to you no thank you to oh carolina you know if only there were some magical way to just maintain pristine self esteem all the time oh yeah but it's tough it is and honestly it's something i'm still working on every day oh sang now we're going to take a quick break but when we come back we'll hear from some old friends some new friends and some friends with seat grid a who don't go away looking good shouldn't break the bank or the planet that's why thread up the largest online consignment thrift store is on a mission to get people to think secondhand first threat up is offering our listeners a special offer for an extra thirty percent off your first order when you go to thread up dot com slash rush unladylike that's thirty percent off already discounted prices and you can have it all without ever having to leave your couch girl i stocked up on so many fancy jackets when i went to las vegas and they were all from threat up and it did not break the bank it was so easy literally i did do it from my couch for a limited time threat of is offering our listeners an extra thirty percent off your first order when you go to thread up dot com slash unladylike that's on on top of the already low prices so hurry and take advantage zhob your wardrobe just like carolina and i have that's t. h. r. e. d. u._p. dot com slash unladylike threat up dot com slash unladylike for an extra thirty percent off today hey terms apply if you run your own business you're used to doing it all but if you're struggling to get through your to do list honey book can help honey book is an online business management tool that organizes your client communications bookings contracts and invoices all in one place honey book makes it simple to run your business better professional templates e signatures and built in automation keep everything on track it's the number one choice for client and business management for freelancers and business owners so y'all save time and do more of what you love with honey book right now honey book is offering unladylike listeners fifty percent off your first year with promo code unladylike payment is flexible and this promotion applies whether you pay monthly or annually so go to honey book dot com and use promo code unladylike for fifty percent off your first year again that's honey book dotcom promo code unladylike and and tell him unladylike sent you honey we're back in caroline one of my favorite things about opening up the unladylike hotline was hearing just like all of the diverse ambatis data's things on ladies are up to like we heard from one caller mattie who's in the marine corps and wants to smash the military patriarchy hell yes and i._v. who's an idaho working to end child marriage which yeah y-y'all that's technically quickly still legal in forty eight states and we heard from felina who's zookeeper and works with primates and y'all know we love some women in stem one call though that particularly tickled us was from past unladylike guest she was featured on episode six how to be a mormon feminist and she's currently a lawyer working to win congress over on one of our favorite pieces of legislation the equal rights amendment all right next up we're gonna hear from kate okay thanks so much for calling into unladylike hi there how are you good how are you amazing i called in because there have been some really cool updates on the equal rights amendment meant and i wanted to tell you about him oh my god is this is this one kate kelly this is the one in hey good news about the e._r._a. yeah right please tell l. <hes> this past tuesday there was the first congressional hearing in thirty six years on the equal rights amendment so the judiciary committee <hes> subcommittee on the constitution held an official hearing in congress uh-huh on the equal rights amendment specifically on the deadline removal issue so it was just like big moment and e._r._a. advocates from all over the country flew in including you they're shooting me by was there yeah it was really really great and super exciting 'cause the finally finally finally getting attention in congress will thanks so much for calling in with some exciting e._r._a. news yay erie now eri forever hell tell ya absolutely by next on the line we have lies who lies that you have been on hold for forty minutes and i just want to give you all of the unladylike gold stars stars for hanging in on the line thank you so much for calling in that's that's perfectly fine <hes> i was gonna say thank you for taking my call and i feel like my issues are almost immature but all the same still i have some pent-up anger about being a lady i don't know how to describe it <hes> i think sense when the fact that i've always been pretty sporty you know when i was six i was teaching all eight nine year old boys and our yard how to climb trees i'm i'm into rock climbing kickboxing backcountry snowboarding that stuff and just the physiology of being a female kind of stocks like we're the weaker sex we have periods we have we have to go could childbirth it just it makes me angry all the time and i want to let go that because i just i don't know like i want to be a lady but i also don't wanna be mad about being a lady you know what i mean yeah yeah so what do you think particularly <hes> sparks that anger is that the sense that we're we're saddled with these bleeding we bodies yeah i mean so i i'm going to eighty right now so the world is amazing now but yeah before were that i felt like i was going to sweep of powell time and i didn't it didn't seem there to me i guess you know in comparison the guys who just get there just stroll along every day it was just doesn't seem fair that we have to do that i think you're i think you're absolutely onto something in terms of like it's it's not just your own internal frustrations with like a lady bod it's also the factor of like no one in has really put a lot of work behind like let's fix <hes> let's find a better way of addressing like pain that comes within dimitrios isis or let's figure out a why and how we can stop women from having more migraines things like that and so i i hear you i hear you and it's funny because you you've already taken away one little bit of advice i would have provided because you're like oh my body my body is like betraying me sometimes and my vice my advice there's like would have been move it you know like get outside and like be strong and be sporty but you already are and i think that something to do with that anger her rather than internalizing that <hes> directing it to the source which is patriarchy and even if we're just talking about the clitoris that men medical science has been measuring penises since the eighteen hundreds whereas the first full image of the entire external and internal internal clitoris was not revealed until two thousand five yeah we think clitoris and we just think of like whatever that will like pencil eraser is <hes> when in fact there's this whole other structure in in your pelvis <hes> so we still just have a lot of catching up to do and honestly i think that anger and talking about it and getting loud about it is only only way that those kinds of things are going to change and as for the annoyance of periods and the pain of pregnancy on the flip side you are making human life which is pretty bad and also i will say that <hes> penises and testicles seem like they could be real inconveniences to especially in the hot summer days but through l. liza i hope this has been helpful question mark yeah it really was i have i guess i just know when i talked ever understands what i feel i guess you so like i i feel like i'm stuck on something that like a twelve year olds like what what does this you keep saying you have immature immature issues and we're not buying that what what's what's the thing that you feel like is too immature i just known talks about this and you know everyone just accepts it like oh it's like the miracle of life and i'm like my do you know what goes into that like monthly Dating Life and just acknowledge the fact that just work takes a lot to make that happen that I love that bad on a lot better. We'll thank you for calling in lies. I was fun to talk to you. Thank keep it much for taking my call. Have you guys next up. We've got Jamie on the line Jamie. Thanks so much for calling into unladylike. How's it going yeah? My question is is our concern not lately been on my mind. I am currently trying to navigate <hes> having morning sickness and corporate setting quite a learning experience. Luckily I don't like join up at work but I definitely like go into moment. When I'm Liz tell anyone 'cause? I'm GonNa like throw heating yeah. What's what's concerning you about about morning? Sickness us at work or have you do people at work not know that you're pregnant or I mean obviously be awkward if you just you know through up in the conference room you don't want that but but aside from the missing of it <hes> what's the what's kind the deeper concern honestly it's not even the national teague of knowing that I can't go like the same pace that I was <hes> and even like outside of work like you know cancelling plans with friends and not having it still be in like our culture of like ocean. I tell not tell pretty early and can be like pretty isolating to feel like Oh <hes> I may not make this deadline and I'm not sure if I can tell then why that's such a good question and I have friends who so I've never I've never been pregnant. I haven't had kids <hes> but my a number of girlfriends of mine nine are starting to have their first kids and I have noticed and I've tried to not take it personally and feel left out <hes> but for some of them when they're in the phase that you're in where they're not ready okay to tell folks including me <hes> they they have talked to a friend who is a mom to just kind of. Have someone else there to like. Tell them the news. Tell them where they're at where it's not like you're not updating your facebook status and letting the whole world and on it but honestly kind of starting to build your support network <hes> <hes> because another thing is with with the fatigue that you're experiencing now it honestly could be a good time to start working on boundary setting. You're gonNA need when you have have the the kid yeah and ask for like the friend thing and and you know worrying about cancelling plans <hes> maybe you could have people over instead. You know maybe suggested folks one night like you know I really you. Don't have to disclose like why it's perfectly okay to say you're tired or just like beat after a long week and just say you know I really don't WanNa go to that show or go to that restaurant. That's really noisy. I'd much rather like we all just Kinda. Hang out and have snacks around the coffee table. <hes> you think they'd be down yeah. I have had one friend over for like He. I'm sure they thought it was Kinda. Lame I there my friend so I'm fine and that's a good price to to talk to a mom about it because I have. I talked to like some people but yeah I haven't opened up the circle talking about other mom friends that I have great. Jamie will thank you so much for calling in. We really appreciate it. Thanks bye all right up next. We have CRAG CRAG. Hello thank you for calling unladylike. I are you guys are you. Oh and that work right now probably shouldn't be but you're I am okay as very unladylike of you Craig while you know what I was never won for being told how to ask I'm okay so my question is I <hes> I'm a fan of like having a diversified vocabulary so my question question is because I rather do like the word claptrap. I was curious if there was a story behind on unpacking the claptrap yeah basically we were like what's another word for bullshit. It'd be honest honest like we don't want to say like you're just bullshit segment so yeah. CLAPTRAP honestly was a searching for a synonym to bullshit yeah like okay so it can't be figuring out the fucking bullshit. We were like claptrap p-trap all this claptrap because like the traditional old school like definition of claptrap is something that maybe it's cheesy. Maybe it's stupid. Maybe it's camper dramatic. It's but it's like done to attract applause and attention it. It is an absurd or nonsensical. It's absurd or nonsensical talk or ideas yeah and so we just wanted to anthony if you will yes fancy bullshit. She pulled them a Guy Crag. You said it best fancy AC- bullshit but we also now <hes> claptrap. We also now off my just like to call the clam tram. I don't know it. We just have fun to know yeah. No thank you I just <hes> been listening listening for a bit and I've always really actually liked the word claptrap so I just wanted to know what like okay. How does one come across event in decision because I don't hear that spoken in my regular conversations so that's good to know indicative to of how much time Kristen and I spend together that we were like yes absolutely claptrap? We agree a fancy. Bullshit puts a perfectly so they call it in Craig. Thank you very much all right bye. Hey listen to Sean version is Craig Kristen and I are nerds and that's why we pick the claptrap yeah yeah and we do have more info on that word and what some of Y'all thought that it meant in an old bonus episode of unladylike called how to define claptrap so you can check that out on stitcher premium if you're craving more claptrap knowledge and also how could you not be okay so next up. We're good here from a caller who's just been thorough break-up and end one. Who's in a friendship debacle? Will we help them. You'll be the judge after the break a lot of times when it comes to hiring or finding a job it's not about what you know but who you know so it can be tough to make those connections but there's one place you can go. We're hiring is simple fast and smart and that place is ziprecruiter dot com slash unladylike nick with their powerful matching technology ziprecruiter skins thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job as applications come in ziprecruiter analyzes each one and spotlights the top candidates a you never never miss a great match. ziprecruiter is so effective that four out of five employers who post on Ziprecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day and right now our listeners can try ziprecruiter for free at this exclusive collusive web address ziprecruiter dot com slash unladylike. That's ziprecruiter dot com slash unladylike ziprecruiter dot com slash unladylike ziprecruiter the smartest way to hire. We're back taking your calls on Work Life and Love Oh Carolina. Let's hop back on the hotline are I got D._J.. On the line deejays been waiting patiently. Hello Hello D._J.. unladylike Hello Kristen Hello Caroline. How are you look good? How are you I'm good <hes> so my question is it? Kinda just has a quick back story. <hes> I got lot into social work <hes> I'm actually graduating in a few weeks with for my masters and before that I started a relationship and as I came up to <hes> getting my license license. I kinda hit hit a point where I was like. This relationship isn't making me happy anymore and we weren't making each other happy <hes>. I've Kinda trying to balance professionally <hes> bouncing back because I'm trying to look for jobs you know I kinda just feel super vulnerable like falling apart in my car while I'm going to school to like try to help something that I really feel passionate about so. Do you have any advice on how to like you know. Take care of yourself and like kind kind of rebuild your self esteem and like find out who you are after break-up so real real. I will tell you know this is taking me back to this is not advice is just an empathy Kathy. This is taking me back to a horrible break-up that I that I went through which I feel like these things always happen when things are professionally kind of ramping jumping up and going well you know yeah it's like of course it can't all work out. Have you seen the divorce Prada. There was like this one worst stanley to t- goes like Oh you know if your life's falling apart your do for promotion let through and I'm like here and I'm like I don't know but I definitely had those those days weeks of being on my way to work to I I had actually landed a project that I'd really been gunning for but then like right as soon as that happened I got dumped by a guy who was cheating on me and it was just this whole Emma so humiliating and and I just found myself I weep on the way to work so first of all I think that you have to <hes> give yourself the time and space to feel those fields and accept that that's okay <hes> I think that is step. One Yeah I one day when I I remember going through break-up and I didn't cry like in the car like on the train but I definitely would just get in the shower shower crying sobbing my favorite things ever because I already wet just like at all. It's really it's really nice. That's not advice though on how to get your together I think to one thing that <hes> I really had to work on for a long time and with the help of a therapist to be honest was forgiving myself <hes> for investing the time investing the emotional energy investing everything into this person that I felt like ultimately wasted all of that <hes> and and also kind of use it as a way of cutting through knowing what you do and you don't like and what you do and you don't need from relationships and take that to whatever the next thing might be and. I have a recommendation and you can you can change it. However you want so years ago I went through a break up and I found myself with a lot of extra time and I was like I'm going lose my mind? If I or just get way too drunk all the time right so it's like I better I better do something productive. So in my mid twenties I found myself suddenly single and I decided to learn how to play the piano. Oh Wow that's really funny. 'cause I do the we'll see so like either. You know you could like throw yourself into the piano and become like a concert pianist or pick up a whole new skill who knows like knitting or maybe something active of like dodgeball kickball or something who knows my goal is <hes> to actually do self defense have enough money might be able to like actually kick skit allowing yourself to get agro yeah yeah and if you're short on cash. Let me tell you youtube. Has I do Youtube Yoga all the time and they're all sorts of like fitness. Whatever kind of exercise shoe size stuff so even if you know you're saving up your money to be able to go to class like YouTube is ver- for all of it's horrible corners a lot of wonderful yoga with Adrian? Check that out. I will thank you well. I hope that helps me Jay and that really did thank you good calling. Thank you so much for having this. I really appreciate it all right. Thank you bye. We have Michaela up next. I'm Kristen and Caroline. Hello by who what's on your mind today Michaela though I called in because a while ago I sent an email. Do you guys <hes> thanking you for writing an episode about women in anthropology because it helps me discover apology which is my was my college major. Yes I remember your email yes so I wanted to say thank you in more in person I guess and also wondering <hes> if you guys had any women that you sort of look to when you were getting into journalism that really inspired you. I was never someone who like looked to you. Particular journalists or reporters or anything for like who is role modeling this path. I really really really looked up to a friend of mine named DEEPA who I worked at the College newspaper with and we also eventually became roommates but she was such a bad ass and she was such like a kick ass killer editor and someone who could go from being laffy jokey drinking at the bar to being all business all the time of the newspaper and she's just brilliant and so that's something to like look around you at who your peers are and if anybody's doing anything really rat or just doing something really well. I think it can be fun and really productive and awesome <hes> to look for role models among people like on your own level who were doing cool things yeah. That's awesome awesome. I'm I'm I love. I love Aaron Anthropology. I I'm so jealous well. Thanks so much Michaela for calling in yeah. Thanks for taking my call a great day you to all right. We've got Bianca on the line. She's our final. Maybe I got my call a musical introduction. I know this is kind of amazing me here. You guys saying my name it nonetheless <hes> cool. I have a story for you guys as they also Kinda leads into piece of advice and I'm hoping to get but it's it all kinds of listen to your. I'm brutally honest B._F._S.. <hes> episode and I have a best friend from college. <hes> who we have ever eight we share everything talk frequently text frequently email all the time visit we live on opposite sides of the country but we make time for each other <hes> and she got married just about two years ago and was telling me all about prepping for her wedding everything and then I realized I'm actually not one of the bridesmaids like she was posting pictures of hanging out with <hes> some of our other really good friends <hes> and was just really really surprised because I had just got engaged and was also so planning on having her in my wedding and I have not talked to her about it at all. Since the I found out that happened I went to her like small eighty percent wedding who's sitting kind of in the you know in the audience <hes> and it feel it's changed our friendships and <hes> I found out and we don't have like a brutally honest friendship in the way that was described in the episode but we have a really open friendships and I'm usually a pretty open person. I'm just having a really hard time and figuring out how to talk to her about this without feeling like it's going to change the dynamics of our friendship or yeah make anybody feel awkward. I WANNA be really understanding but I also like still carrying a lot of hurt from it. So do you have any advice yeah so my first question is how how large was the wedding party. She had four bridesmaid so pretty small a pretty small wedding small so so I kind of her side of this when I was getting married and I was really I was really nervous about the girlfriends in my life who I love and I cherish who just simply because of space like I could not ask to be bridesmaids. <hes> and I know that for one of them in particular <hes> she was upset set by it and we were able to talk about it but it didn't I will say that it didn't go very well because she she took it so personally and made it so much about her that sh I was like well. You know it's kind of you know my spouse and me and we were doing this wedding and so I think that it sounds like your friendship is one where you you can just be honest with her that you are just simply you're feeling conflicted even about having the feelings it sounds like and just kind of sharing sharing that with her in a disarming way of saying you know like your wedding was beautiful and I'm so happy for you <hes> but I just want to ask you about the bridesmaids thing not because I'm angry but because like I just want to understand it and I WANNA get over it and sort of appeal meal to her in that way appeal to your friendship and I think that you all can talk about it hopefully and <hes> and maybe get some closure on it. Does that sound. Maybe like something that could happen. Yeah yeah it definitely it sounds really reasonable <hes> and even since then we have been a lot of time together have I. I know she cares about me and she treats me is one of her closest friends which ultimately matters way more than me being getting her wedding necessarily but <hes> but yeah so hopefully in the context of the fact that like he's still been really close <hes> it wouldn't feel quite as hard to have the conversation so I think that's very good advice and you know what what you just said that is exactly exactly the thing that you lead with you know and just being honest with her and it can also even bring you closer just exercising that kind of honesty so I think that I think y'all GonNa make it through. I really hope go. I'm really looking forward to being on the other side of it because I did not realize how much of a weight it was bearing until I kinda heard that episode and realize like wow I really wish I had a brutally honest conversation with her about it because they feel like she's the friend. I would want to have that relationship tens of West so I'm I'm looking forward to it. Even though it's scary you can do Bianca. If you can play in a wedding you can definitely have this conversation really appreciate it. Thanks thank you all right bye by and that is we are. The show has ended goodbye. Yeah I gotTA say <hes>. This was truly so much fun. I know I've already said that but really it was because as much as I love talking to you it was isn't such a cool experience to get to talk directly to listeners because we here for me all every day on like instagram or facebook or emails but actually getting that one to one conversation was just such a neat experience experience and the fact that y'all just so casually drop information about the amazing things you're doing. I Love Our Lady's yeah just further confirmation that unladylike listeners the best listeners and that is an empirical circle fact <hes> Hashtag Science. Thanks for calling and if you really like this episode and would like us to do another call in or if there's a particular call in theme that you'd be super into let us snow. You'll know how to get in touch with us right well if you don't you can email us at hello at unladylike dot co or find us on all the socials at unladylike media and go to unladylike dot co to find our merge which is on sale through the month of July. All you need to do is use the code hot fifty fifty percent off yet it and you can sign up for our newsletter there where you'll get good news about women in the world delivered to hear 'em boxes every Wednesday. Abigail Keel is the senior producer serve unladylike nor Richie is our associate producer Jonah Palmer's our story editor Ash Sanders transcribes are tape. Our Music is by Flamingo Shadow on Meat May Cohen and Sarah Batson mixing sound design and additional music is by Casey Holford our executive producer Chris Bannon and Daisy Rosario special thanks to Jared O'CONNELL and Casey Holford for helping us get our hotline up and running and all y'all who called in and we're your hosts Carolina urban and Kristen konger next week a woman walks into job daring into wear flats and then she sent home for refusing to buy heels to work in so I was like okay. This is bullshit. I'm going to change the Lowell find out what happens when our guest Nikola kicks off offer hills and starts a shoot dilution. I love that play-on-words. Make sure your subscribed to unladylike so you don't miss this episode find us in Stitcher spotify apple podcasts or wherever you listen to pods and remember got a problem get unladylike eighty leg stepping outside real quick. I'm on lunch. What do you have in for lunch for something? I go get your soup. Yeah enjoy your lunch. Sh- stitcher threat up is the world's largest online consignment thrift store. They make it easy to stay on trend and on budget.

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Barbados Welcome Stamp: relocating to the Bajan paradise island

Life in Barbados: A Year On A Paradise Island (Otherworld Travel)

19:34 min | 4 months ago

Barbados Welcome Stamp: relocating to the Bajan paradise island

"This is rory here. Moving over to barbados tomorrow week at yvonne has been an incredible sport for me helping. Iran's all travel tin right once. I arrived to the island. Few huge inspiration. I'm delighted to be giving myself possibility to move over through her. And howard to get set up on the island. Have you ever dreamed of living on a paradise island. That's exactly what von campbell will be doing for a whole year. Other world travel presents life in barbados a year on a paradise island. Alarms scott is good. My big double doors open. Look the g the ocean. Great way to start the day by half eight in the morning and taking a break from work. So i can go and get a half our walk on the beach at the bottom of the garden. It is one o'clock here in barbados. But it's actually five o'clock back in the uk so that is me finished. My uk work. David is good so next up at it's not right half getting ready for the sunset. So can you guess what this is. That is the nightly signed of me preparing at my roman coke life in barbados a year on paradise island. Welcome to this week's episode. It's been a relatively quiet week as we are still in a national pause here in barbados so that is the equivalent to lock done so far so good at has just been extended for another few weeks though. So let's see how that goes. I'm sure it'll be fine. I've been featured in the press and the uk and airland over the last couple of weeks and that has led to a number of people getting in contact with me asking me questions about my meave and the welcome stump in particular therefore within this episode. I thought i would focus on the welcome stump initiative so what it's all about. What the drop our houses and what kind of experience you can expect whenever you get here in this episode. I'm going to be speaking to liz. Four show he is planning to move here from uk in the next few months and catherine hola pine who has moved here to barbados a few months ago from canada. Life in barbados. Liz is hoping to move here from the uk and a few months time. You contacted me. Because you're thinking to accommodate barbados. is that right. Yes exciting will be all about that. Taiji arrive at this. Thinking will have been thinking about moving away since last year. I've always travels quite salah on weight on my own clock. Never works for anybody else. I've always dreamed of being by the say. I love the ocean. I have allies in my room. Mate that makes the seal and look her ship. Amazing amazing manifesting this manifest. The a really wanna be should last year actually went to gone volunteer projects. Like in named children's school on on my team from our source decided at the point the was going away but then we went into lockdown in john. Nobody is an email to save the palm. Where i live is being on the mall and was like you buy it and i was like no. Don't be using the units. Now you said she wants to be by the ocean call. What actually. That's funny. Because i was at a point as well during the summer i was like. Oh maybe i should buy 'cause. I've rented at bought in london a number of years ago. Along with a friend sold up went away. Travelin had the best time travel for just under year and a half came back and then ever since coming back and moving to belfast. People were like even are. You could buy somewhere by somewhere everything. Well no because she just never know. What am i want to take off again. And i had no plans a toll mind just sticking there and i would say one day one day and then all of a sudden i was starting to think during the summertime because they know the borders weren't open and things like that. Maybe i should just like by somewhere you know. And there's eight. Now hold on a second. You were doing this for a reason. And then the reason came to fruition. Really and i was thank god. I had bought anywhere because it wouldn't have been as easy to just pick up and head off. You wouldn't be involved as awesome right now. So why does for you. Then we thinking about somewhere else before basically did see the opportunity to see should wear composite ice seeing actually in november on that point. I just got new office. Just launch it in our dot. Time a scene in the corner to me. I didn't really take it in on then with what happens in the year the officers went to things to change old way had been put online on. Somebody mentioned that to me again. Originally i was going to go. I was going to fly straight to alive. But i didn't want to go to alive on a in vs anything. I wanted to go in on my own visa to i would need to have minimum off. Five hundred transactions. Pick will sat of products being sold into the you ass on a reason why right would need to be present in the us on the also wanted a one year twelve months off of those transactions. So i didn't have that because it was unaware was even needs is in. La was just a a split thought that came to my mind. And then the bobby dos came back hoping i was like. Wow that's it comes as us a mason. Was it a bit of like an instant decision. Yeah yeah most of my decisions in my life off to the honest are listening. Thank i just think once decided it. Your brain has five seconds to tokyo city. So unless you take action it will tell you all the reasons why you can't love this to tell me about the plan so when he thinking that you're going to be able to move here. What's the plan of action. I'm flying over on the seventeenth At the moment flight spoked. It's the longest i've ever wasted for anything in mind. I i'm so proud of myself. You know as a long way away really you know. They can have made february nice. It's a few months away. May i'm very open to where i go so me. I don't really do anything by hoff's so decide i am going to babe's austin live on the islands for the year. I don't want to get to the year on Really like it here. I wanna stay on half things to hamblur home. So i made the decision that when i was to move everything. The ireland's he ah in the uk will be gone so that if i decide to extend my visa or decided to go somewhere else i've got all my options open for me. Am i come home. You know noble a wanna choose so. I am just decided at the moment. If i'm going to commute on the six months oldest one that extends to the twelve month long all. If i'm just gonna go for the twelve month one. Actually my question to you is white barbados at the answer is probably will why not barbados. But there's specific things by barbados that attract you. I'm all about energy and vibration. And i know like the caribbean co chat. Is betty uplifted. So that attracted me massively. because i'm quite impossible and do take on the energies that at around may so that was a huge thing for me and then obviously just how incredibly beautiful s. i hope. You're enjoying the show so far. Please do subscribe to life and barbados to follow my journey. Never miss an episode. In a year on a paradise-island next up we have katherine katherine moved here a few months ago from canada. Basically i came for love my partner and i had a cross-border relationship. He's american. i'm canadian that canadian. Us border has been closed since march of twenty twenty and so after we were separated for about four months and it didn't open up the game. We basically said well. We either have to let this go or find a place to meet. And he couldn't come into canada. I could have found into the states. But of course i did want to so we first started looking. We looked at hawaii. And i thought that might work. We go for six weeks or something. And then their numbers started to go up and they started putting back and not opening up the way. They said they were going to. And then somehow i guess we saw something about a welcome step down and leave. It was in the bahamas and we started looking and then once we started looking at caribbean barbados was just by far the best place to go in our opinion so i thought i'd come down through three months. My return ticket was three months. You know and i kind of my fingers crossed behind my back. Like i would go home earlier if it wasn't working out and been here. Five months now came down on tourist visas. And now we've gone. Welcome stout so. We'll be here for a while longer. What about applying for the welcome stemp itself. What was your experience of the whole process. Oh it was so easy basically. I phoned and talk to somebody i because i wasn't sure i've looked at the requirements and we were thinking it would be better to go as a family as opposed to two separate applications so i would just have some questions about that about documentation and things like that and they were just so helpful and then when we actually did apply. Gosh we were up cruised in. I don't know four or five days. In a year. On paradise island people working from home during the pandemic could be given the opportunity to relocate. Not to the caribbean under a proposal from the barbados government. Last night i spoke to darn from barbados. Tourism marketing initiative. I wanted to find out a little bit. More behind the idea of the welcome stump so i do think it's a really clever idea. And he taught me that it was in response to the current covid situation and the dine turn and decline within tourism so the pivot towards the different market which makes absolute sense but it is pretty unique so last couple of years. There has generally been an increase in people wanting to work remotely but from my experience whenever i researched it there. Were not many places that would be available to live for a whole year without very specific visa conditions in place. So usually you're tourism visas go anywhere from marin a month maybe three six months maximum but certainly not a year and that can cause a bit of an issue when you are trying to find a base for something more long term so the welcome stump is an initiative where people can come here for twelve months working remotely and the visa enables them to stay here. I think barbados really lead the way around this and it has sparked a lot more countries to follow. Sit and offer something similar. I wanted to ask darn the requirements in case there had been any changes since i had arrived in barbados and it doesn't seem that there has been which is really good news so there is a specific income level this required whenever we apply. So you're not asked to prove it but when you're applying eat do you need to confirm that we have a minimum of fifty thousand dollars a year in either income or savings and that is us dollars number beato steelers. There's a significant difference. You'll also be required to take out some health insurance. Which just makes sure that she you need. Medical help wants to hear you're covered for that right now. We are still standing strong. Because there's always something to celebrate in. Bobby so why wait. Join us in celebrating. Barbadians spirit by tagging visit barbados in your most memorable island. Also need your passport details and a photograph. Generally that is about all you need for the application form and you submit it and there's generally a five day turnaround period the risks involved with it. So if you are accepted for an individual it is two thousand. Us dollars and a family bundle is three thousand us dollars so that can be multiple people with an a family. One thing that did tell me hot off. The press is that they are going to be updating the information on the welcome stomp offer an a corporate welcome stump. So i'm really intrigued to say what comes from that. Looks like generally people apply online so really simple easy online form. An asked iron what people do if they have questions so they have a very helpful website. I did use this myself and it is barbados. Welcome stomp dot bb and it has a whole range of information on there. That should be able to help you. Make a decision about whether it's right for you and understand requirements of better however if you have any further questions there is a chat function on that website and also some contact details if you need to speak to someone in person. So what about the success of the initiative so far it seems to be going pretty. Well i think demand probably isn't as high as would have been due to the continued restrictions from both the countries that people are coming from and some increased restrictions here in barbados as well but demand still seems to be there with its grueling or not. I'm not too sure darn said that they have had quite a lot of contact from people who are still interested in common regardless of the current restrictions. And that's exactly what i've come across. I've spoken to number of people over the last week. Actually he are looking to make the move. It seems that the welcome stump will be continued to be offered for some time yet which is good news and the other thing he mentioned is that there is a plan to look at other options for people he may want to stay longer than the initial twelve month period. I can't wait to hear what that entails. Because i may need to take that up myself. I was wondering about the difference between a tourist visa and the welcome stamp so from the uk you can actually come here for six months anyway on a tourist visa one of the benefits. Obviously the get to stay longer to twelve months. You don't have to go home after sex. However that is probably different to many countries which can stay for a lot less time than those coming from the uk but you are also entitled to get a local id card and illegal driving licence. There's also a way in which you can set up a local bank account that can be quite challenging when you aren't a local resident so that will be helpful for those people he needed. Darn also mentioned that there is an option to get some of your belongings sent over from wherever. You're moving from via a shipping container. You don't have to pay tax on those goods that are ripen so for anyone who has either been here before or has researched barbados. You will be aware that. There's quite a high import tax which is why whenever you're going to supermarkets and other shops and you're looking at goods that originate from outside of barbados that can be really pricey so that idea of being able to ship over your belongings. Rowlands is really helpful. And i think that might actually sway some people because the cost will be a lot cheaper in terms of the move. Daren also mentioned the previous to your current locked situation. There were a lot of events put on for those here on the welcome stump to get together and meet other people. This can be especially good. If you're traveling on your own and you don't feel as comfortable putting yourself out there and make new friends. I will put all the details for the welcome stump website in my show notes and all of feel free. Drop line if you've got any more questions. Life in barbados a year on paradise island. All alum quite Common home after the year apple. Whenever i want to come home actually leaving everything behind. So there's gonna be nothing that. I need to combat full and since i was a child i have carried a lot of stuff around with what your expectations of barbados betas. I mean we knew was going to be a tropical island. And i had been here literally for one day on a kroons about twenty five years ago so i had seen it and i remembered i had a good impression. We just thought it would be nice place where we could be together and it would be warm and you know that would be nice like holiday. We didn't do the welcome stamp right away because we were like. Oh it's just it's an island in it's so small and are we going to get claustrophobic. And and like that. But we've found that it's just you know it's fabulous and used to be able to go on holiday without getting extra waste which is ridiculous. I'm planning on the only thing. Owen is a back. And i'm not fearful about going to another country alone jill not many times before. I'm not fearful about meeting friends when i get there. It is just the complete letting go and it's different when you've kind of settled in you're living as opposed to just visiting on a holiday but if some of those differences you get to know people in the area both beijing and other welcome stamp equal so you kind of develop a bit of a community you see the changes over time you see the changes in the weather and the waves and the way the flowers change and so it really feels like when you go on a holiday. It's a little snapshot you just have time. You don't feel like you have to rush around and oh my goodness we have to see all the sights right now in barbados with that brings his t the end of today's episode for those of you who might be interested in moving bar betas. I hope this gives you a better sense of who the welcome stamp attracts. What is involved and how you can go about making. That may be free to get in touch with me. If you're thinking about moving here would like a chat and make sure you subscribe or follow the podcast to hear about all things barbados. Tt for information head over cheat life hyphen in hyphen barbados. Dot com forward slash. Podcast make sure you subscribe to life in barbados a year on paradise island goto life hyphen in hyphen. Barbados dot com forward slash. Subscribe if you've been enjoying life in barbados. You're going to want to check my other. Show the bucket list each episode. I chat with locals guides and even some people. I met along the way on. Various dream trips experienced safari in tanzania road trips across the us and hiking across australia's national parks just to mention a few of the episodes. Go other world. Travel dot com forward slash podcast. I remember to subscribe. So you don't miss any future episodes.

barbados uk paradise island von campbell catherine hola pine bobby dos caribbean katherine katherine canada barbados government salah tokyo city yvonne rory hoff liz Liz belfast howard
LDL Letters: 30 - Pass the Gravy and the Guilt-n-Shame

Latter-Day Lesbian

24:54 min | 1 year ago

LDL Letters: 30 - Pass the Gravy and the Guilt-n-Shame

"In this episode we hear the Horror Stories from Laverne and Katherine with a K. The horror stories. I'm just kidding being raised Mormon. That's horrible enough as it is and the guilt and shame on them and also sexuality questioning. Yeah that's that's very true We got all that I WANNA hear. I do okay. Let's do it okay. I'll be right back. We are supported by apostate coffee. A damn good Cuppa Joe. I would like to bear my testimony but you will love this blend with every fiber of your being humane being. Yes absolutely the less bean medium dark variety roasted in small batches to ensure freshness zero bitterness and balanced acidity with the sacred not secret Combo of CARAMEL. Cocoa very fancy. This coffee will nourish and strengthen your body. Nice so stop drinking subpar. Coffee GIVE THE LESBIAN. Blend to try to date apostate coffee DOT COM. That's apostate coffee DOT COM. Hey everybody I'm Mary Shelley. And this is episode. Thirty of ellul letter the letter lesbian mid week mail. This is episode thirty podcasts. Yep Wow thirty letters. Thirty people whose stories we shared sometimes more if we get more than one that's true that's true reminder our patrons get top priority in the letter readings yeah. That is true. Good Point Jelly. All good points. You're making thank you so there's a situation here. Oh this person who's letter I'm about to read. She does not want us to use her real name however her real name there's sixty thousand of them in the world. So should I just use the real first name will respect? Her wishes cable. What should we call her Give me a first initial L. WANNA hearken back to TV days of your and we're GONNA call her Laverne Burn. L. is on her sweater. Yeah so here's the thing if you write in and you want us to change your name but you don't give us a name change it do we're GonNa do it. Might be something like Laverne. Good luck on okay. Laverne rights okay. Let's hear hey y'all hey Lavar I've been listening to the podcast for a while and was hoping I could get some things off my chest. Okay you don't need to read my letter on the podcast or anything too late. Look if you do though. Please don't say my name. Okay liver and we won't. I guess I'm just looking for an outlet. There's a lot I want to say but I don't want this to be too long so I'll try to just stick to the main points you know what's you. Just say whatever's on your channel you want. I love by the way that we are used as an outlet for people that For sure yes up. Musa's don't abuse us. I mean that's a new patriot. All I was born and raised Mormon. That's interesting and winning active when I was about sixteen after. My stepmother passed away unexpectedly. Well well you know it. It's good to get out early. I think I mean my opinion. I agree I was expected by all my Mormon family to take care of my two younger siblings. Since I was the oldest female in the house they thought that raising the babies should naturally be left up to me fun I was one hundred percent not prepared for that Shit. It was so fucking hard once. I broke down and told my young women's leader that it was too much for me and that I was drowning in my responsibilities She immediately set up a meeting with my bishop where he told me that. I was feeling this way because I wasn't doing enough to help out at home. Which is bullshit. I was taking care of the one hundred percent of the time even though I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Well I this is not now talking. I hate that idea and that teaching of you aren't doing enough. The reason you feel overwhelmed is because you're not doing enough fear that doesn't make any sense. I was told that and again I'm not ripping on my ex husband because he was raised to believe this as well which is why this was the he would give me when I would tell him. I was overwhelmed with the kids and that I was Starting to become resentful of my life because I was just too much His response was well. If you would spend more time with the kids and do more things for them than you would love them more and you would be happy. I don't understand that logic did not. You're feeling like you're drowning. And you're overwhelmed. You're supposed to take on more more Lose yourself in service lose yourself okay? I did love myself completely and still didn't love it and wasn't happy and did not because you came dead last. It doesn't work that way you know. Remember put the Oxygen Mask on yourself. I for assisting others and this poor kid Laverne is being told these things at age sixteen. We need to do more right. You're not doing enough do more and you'll be hashed. She's a sixteen year old expected to raise her siblings. Who there's more bishop also said if I helped more an prayed more easier and when I got to the celestial kingdom my mom would be proud of me about guilt and manipulation. Wow Yeah it's like you're dead. Mom will be proud of you. So do this for her. Yeah Yeah how you might think you're overwhelmed but you're actually not you need to do more in the more you do. The more you're dead. Mother will feel proud of you. Yeah I always liked to live my life for others especially the ones that aren't even here. It seems like a really brings happiness use of cheese. You want during this time. Not One person thought to put me in therapy or help me through my grief. While I wasn't even allowed to grieve I had to just step up to the rule of mom coming God but the pressure of caring for three and four year old with severe behavioral disorders while attending high school. In trying to live up to all the other bullshit standards of the church was just too much. Oh my God. At the age of Children. That's three and four Those ages suck. They suck at their difficult. They can't do anything for themselves. And for a sixteen year old to have to take care of them and she says they had severe behavioral disorders. Jesus I know and it has a sixteen year old trying to deal that we like you have to do it to make your mom proud. Yeah you're dead mom right mom so kiss your childhood goodbye. You got announced up into this parenting role that is bullshit ox. Then she says. I stopped going to church and started having sex and drinking alcohol and coffee. Whoa WHOA WHOA. Whoa WHOA you. Start Drinking Coffee Chez. Double Juice I always felt like a huge disappointment. Everyone but especially toward my dad stepmother. Oh Wow I always thought I hope. She's not watching so she doesn't know how horrible I am. Ashamed guilt drove a huge wedge. Between me and my family I hated myself. Oh Man Looking Mormon Church Seriously I bet people right now are listening going like. Oh my gosh same. Same here. It's going to be okay and and I've been there. Oh you get it off your chest. I just hate that. The church does that. Oh my God there's more okay. I moved out when I was eighteen and it took me a while to figure out my life. I had no idea that I had. Ptsd and anxiety for my child Oh Hell Yeah Yeah. Who wouldn't like yeah. It would be impossible to not For sure I struggled to finish my schooling and get a job. I felt like I always needed to be in a relationship to be happy so I bounced around from man to man and city to city until I got pregnant with my first kid and decided to settle down a few years later. I married a great guy who has never been Mormon and we had another kid. I started a business and have been pretty successful and it wasn't until about a year ago that read the letter and realized that it's all fucking fate. Yeah you know. We need to read some excerpts from the letter We should put that on the list. I'm so curious about it. Added to the list. Maybe add it to the list all those long nights. I laid awake praying for help with my sisters all those priesthood blessings in quotation telling me I needed to endure to the end. Yeah eight that it was all a pile of bullshit Yeah it was starting to think it's all fake and I've had to take a huge step back and realize the struggle's I've had all stemmed from being raised in a cult I feel if I look back over my life. Yup My fucked up issues stem from being raised in a cult for sure. I'm now able to recognize that the pressure put on me. When I was younger was not healthy in Bryan new. I was a child expected to raise children. I've finally been able to let go of the mentality that I disappointed my step. Mom Good yes. Good lately I like to think of her as part of my club. That knows the truth about the Mormon Church Vasu really get it. Yeah good look at it. I've also realized in the last few months that I'm pretty sure I'm gay. Bring another sold to the dark side. Maybe the L. stands for lesbian name. Change kind of burn your new new name. Okay I have no idea how to handle that. I'm scared because I love my family and I don't want to bring us up but I know I can't ever really be happy like this. Yeah I know eventually I'll have to come out. I just don't know how or when my no my husband will be devastated. Wow I guess there's never really a right time to tell your husband you're actually a lesbian but it's nice to actually just type it out and acknowledged outwardly. In a small way you go you can tell us. Tell us your lesbian will keep your secret. As we tell the world this is laverne right right. Laverne is a lesbian Lebron's lesbian. She's not telling her husband yet. Okay but on a on a serious note shitty position I know. You don't WanNa hurt your husband. I know you don't want your kids. I know that you are stuck with. Do I put my happiness? I answer is yes but the Mormon Church has never taught you to do that. I know you've never heard that lesson in your entire life. So it's difficult to know. Adopt that as a full grown adult. Your Mormon instinct tells you to hush hush and live for everybody else live everybody else. Take care of the kids fulfill your husband's needs and you'll be rewarded in the afterlife for being faithful. And here's some food for thought. Is it better to live an inauthentic version of yourself for the sake of what you think is good for everybody else or is it better for your kids and ultimately your husband if you are authentic with them news good point? I am sure that if I went to my ex-husband today and said Brent would you rather than I just kicked it aching it and just kept trying but faking he would say no. It seems like it because you were kind of shell of yourself. Yeah you weren't like the real you sure and you can fake all you want. But that does damage. Oh Yeah I got to the point of Blair's yeah I was so miserable and I didn't quite recognize where it was coming from that. I got to be very short tempered with him because I was having to do things. That didn't feel natural that I felt at that point. We're going against who I was even though I hadn't actually processed at that way right. Yeah I had zero patients for him. He would come home from work and want to give me a kiss and I would be pissed about him and he didn't deserve that he didn't know what was going on. But it was nothing that I could give him as far as love and affection That was sincere. Yeah and interestingly enough now that I have been honest and the marriages ended in and we are on a friendly level. I can give him my version of love and affection without resentment. I can go see him and hug him Right and it's not like he wants them. Hopefully it's not the same level of affection that he wants. Got NO WEIRD RIGHT. So sister wives no not interested But I can have him in my life and not be resentful of having to have him in my life. Does that make sense? Like I don't have to give them anything that I don't want which makes it easier to have relationship with him to be happy as co parents raising children so laverne think about that. What is most fair for your husband as well? Y- because he could potentially move on and find someone who is on the same level as him yeah equally wanting to give to him what he wants to give to somebody absolutely and almost lines. What's more fair for your children? If your children were adults at this point and you ask them should mommy do. Yeah you might get a different answers adults than for sure for sure. But I can't imagine any of my kids at this point saying you know you probably should have just stayed with dad and been really sad and miserable in like a shell now they they want happiness. Kids want their parents to be happy. They might not realize it when the younger but when they're adults yeah they might get through like a selfish teenager. Stage for instance million none of mine. They might say that but you know again. It's a complicated. There's no right time for it. I'm just giving you my experience in the things that we've heard from having people right in and and whatnot but it's not an easy position not like this is easy. Just do it. Not at all. It was very for me. I will say that I have never come out to husband or children right I. I never had the never had those Anyway a few more sentences lavern says anyway I appreciate the raw emotion and authenticity. You put into the podcast. No thank you when I hear the way you talk to each other. I daydream about finding someone to love and that same way no sweet It gives me a little hope that even though it's really fucking hard right now I could possibly have that one day so thank you. Of course you can and you deserve it Louis. Yes yes you deserve to be authentically happy you sure as Shit do and we wish you all the best speaking of shit she finishes by saying also sorry. I said Bullshit so many times I basically just think the whole church is bullshit. Couldn't agree more so we got that and then one minute later we got another e mail from Lebron and she said I forgot to put things in my previous email to one. I'm a patron nine. It might tear. It says I can have whatever I want. Low only request is that if y'all ever find yourself in but fuck nowhere Wyoming look me up so we can grab a drink. I'm right got it and number two learn says Philip is my spirit animal funding to see a patrol us. Oh No you know what? We don't WanNa Reference J. K. Rowling anymore. She's not a friend She's no longer a friend. So there you have it there you haven't Laverne thank you so much for writing in if we are ever in Buck Fuck Wyoming. We will for sure. Grab a drink. Yeah Yeah we might need to be a little more specific on the location. Though I can just do a google search for Laverne in Butler Wyoming. Come right up vernal. Come RIGHT UP AND K. She probably lives on as hat street. Burn on six six six Adjani lead in but fuck wyoming sort of an aggressive address one-two-three but I'm on right now interesting kidding. You never know where this on. She phone numbers. We call her and put her in the air. It's not live. I ask permission first started doing. Let's get idea okay. Well thanks so much for your letter. Shelly let's take a little break and get to one more letter when we come back do be ripe pack and we are supported by new dating APP. Hey listeners raise your hand if you think dating after. Mormonism is difficult. Probably Ninety. Five percent of our listeners are raising their hands right now. You know it's hard meeting someone and having to explain your whole Wacky Mormon upbringing. We went through the sand since your faith transition. You've probably been kicked out of the singles ward. So now what? Oh that is challenging. Check out new. It's an ex mormon dating APP available for download on both android and iphone. Are you ready to find post Mormon of of with someone who understands your story? I know I am too late. Visit new dating dot APP and learn more. That's new dating dot. App We're back. Hi Hours second letter. Today is from a listener name Katherine Katherine with a K. Katherine with a K. And A Y. O. Three specific yeah just as a little point of reference. My middle name is Catherine and it's also with a K. But it's E. R. I N. A. Know why so there you go well then and this is you. This is this is not me right? Maybe some shit in Wall Mary. We have a backlog of letters we don't need to hear. Shoot 'em you. Wow I'm getting them very Aggressive name okay. Catherine says I recently started listening to your podcast as a recommendation from a friend. Thank you friend. What's the friend's name? She doesn't say it's Katy with the C O q made that up all right. Okay Your show you get to do whatever the fuck you want. Shelly do all right. The friend said that Catherine's life is very similar to yours. I Guess Shelly I decided to start listening one day on my way to work and ended up pulling over and crying sweetie. I'm the second old of six kids raised in the church. I'm guessing means Mormon sure. Yeah Yeah we all. My parents were told they couldn't have children so they adopted five out of their six kids. We're all within seven years of each other guy. Wow I grew up in a toxic conservative Mormon upbringing with so much emotional and psychological abuse brought on by my adoptive father who will only ever admit that he was a little too harsh so not abusive. Just a little too hard. Yeah Yeah I'm now twenty years old and have been out of the church for about a year and a half but have only recently told her family she says well. That's a big thing too when you're in a family Not something that you necessarily admit easily the other thing to admit she says. I'm also a member of the LGBT community and have only come out to my mom and three of my siblings. There you have it. That's another process Your podcast has brought me a lot of strength and hope that I have a support system. Even if they aren't my family it's right for sure. Pick your own family yup. Oh she said that she'd started. This was before the holidays but she said she started the podcast about a week ago and already. I'm on Episode Twenty Six. She says it's my everything all the time. Listen all the time. Twenty four seven. You just keep on docker so thank you. I hope you all the best and I can't wait to catch up. I'm assuming she is at this point possibly be did all that on a week. Katherine with a K. If you're listening up yep she also left a note about Thanksgiving how terrible it was with her family. She said I actually left even before. Dinner was finished being cooked. Your podcast truly helped me find the courage to leave. Whoa yeah she said she and her dad got into a fight so bad that she left for walk around the neighborhood and like twenty degree weather her and after about twenty minutes Katherine says she decided to go back inside and tell him. I'm driving the forty five minutes back to where I live He didn't believe me so I walked outside and my brother and his wife. They're the Peacemakers. Were saying goodbye and apologized. Why was the brother apologizing peacemakers and the wife is going to be? Okay arquette sucks. It's not their fault. No you know what it is. It's like these narcissistic heads of the household. Expect everyone to revolve around them You know and so then yeah you find yourself just going around in every the ones okay like picking up the pieces apologizing for everybody. GotTa keep everything okay for this. Weirdo asshole over here. He's flying off the handle all the time it's crazy. They came out and apologized. And when I left my brother called out my father for a lot of his abusive parenting on. Not just her some of her siblings. This was before Christmas. She said she wasn't looking forward to it. But as a follow up she said it was actually a lot better so her Christmas with her family was a lot better. It sucks if to keep going back to this abuse. Yeah you know what I mean. Yeah it's like. Oh thanksgiving was shitty a month later. I'm expected to go back and play Nice again. Even owns apologize except the brother. Who wasn't his fault waist. Okay so she says it was like they pretended Thanksgiving didn't even happen. Whatever drama was happening at Thanksgiving to pretend it so basically what that tells me is that maybe your dad was on better behavior Christmas time. But he's probably going to be a Dick again. Because I feel I can tell. Someone apologizes in means it. Yeah they have no reason to change Absolutely she says they're trying hard. She asked for her birth certificate. I guess you needed it. She's now twenty one years old and so they also snuck in a copy of Patriarchal Blessing. Dear God she had received at the age of fifteen. Maybe if you read this disappear it will touch. Yeah I would've been the same dumb shit. Do you think God you know he exists. Wants people to go around sneakily slipping them like you know. Pay Truck blessings and stuff. Yeah that reminded me at Christmas time. I was at my mom's And she in. The kitchen is like sneakily witnessing to my nephew out of earshot. So no one else could hear. I called her out on it. Good first of all. My nephew is twenty five years old. He's a grown man. She doesn't need to still be trying to preach at this kid. You know nobody wants to hear it. And so yeah. I called her out on it and we got into a little fight. But I'll make God I hate that. Sneaky Shit Yeah. What is it with typical religious people? They think that there are no boundaries when it comes to spreading the good word of Christ you know it's like why don't care if this is damaging to this person and I don't care if this person is specifically asked me not to do this. My higher calling is to spread Jesus word even if it has to be sneaky and the line like when my dad was trying to sneak a fucking pioneer video. Show my kids knowing it family home movie. Yes which is a blatant lie. That's not your family. I stopped that Shit Yanni not at me for disrespecting my Scottish heritage it's the same way how these missionaries in Russia got arrested because you're not allowed to proselytize in Russia but they feel like well. This is God's word we're going to risk this fucking arrested like what makes you think that you're above everything because you think you're speaking for God. Yeah and does God really want you to put yourself in harm's way no just like that Christian dude who tried to go to that island Where it's just like natives. No one else has been there. Yeah A it was a risk to these natives. Could've brought them any kind of disease. That's true but be. They killed him. Shot Him with an Arrow and I don't feel bad about it. That'll show you. It'll show your disrespecting our producer laws or whatever sure oh you asked her In a back and forth conversation about sharing her patriarchal blessing she's do. I'm thinking I'm going to do a little drinking once. I finally gather myself to read it once I do. It's all yours. That would be fun to read some patriarchal blessings on this program would actually really enjoy that. Wants to send there's in changer. Name to Lebron or Katherine with a K. Or whatever and We will read it. Maybe we'll drunk read. I think Katherine with a K. Is actually hurt that angel. You didn't make that. We will change your name to that if you on insure doing every once aren't podcast you whenever you want or you let us know. That's true that works to you. Choose your own new name about that. Well thank you to both Laverne and Catherine for writing in today. We appreciate yes. Thank you if you would like to send a letter. We hope you do. Contact us at latter-day lesbian dot org slash contact. Actually that's how you get in touch for sure. We'll get to us for sure okay. I think that's GonNa do it. Thanks for listening and we'll talk to you again real soon. All right bye bye bye.

Laverne Katherine Katherine Catherine Lebron Laverne Burn Shelly Mormon Church Wyoming Mary Shelley Mormon Church Vasu Ptsd google J. K. Rowling Philip Musa Buck Fuck Wyoming Russia producer
ALL THE COLORS CAME OUT with Kate Fagan

Free Cookies

54:24 min | Last week

ALL THE COLORS CAME OUT with Kate Fagan

"Just a little love note to all of our loyal free cookie listeners. Into anyone who might be new to the show this is an ad free podcast and we wanna keep it that way. We wanna make sure that we can just give you guys the awesome content the great interviews and stuff that you have to fast forward but in order to do that we need your support so if you could join us over at patriotair dot com forward slash free cookies and become a patron of the show. There are many tears that you can join. You can throw a dollar. You can do five and it turns out. We're going to start putting some content up for those of you who are hard core reporters. We're going to make this worth your wild. So if there's some of you out there who just listen to the show and you feel like hey you know what i could. I could spend two three bucks a month. Great if you guys needle something as incentive. We're going to put some videos up on patron that are going to be exclusive to those of you. Who are free cookie. Monster's and i mean we're talking some good content like i'm gonna take you inside my sneaker closet like that kind of content you know and i will contribute recipes and perhaps every now and then our dog will give you so quickly so again monologue tree on dot com forward slash. Free cookies thank you. Thanks for being. And i'm kate fagan and this is free cookies humorous podcast thoughtful conversations and offering delicious takeaways and on. Today's show got some blockbuster guests. Yeah how long do you think that was scary enough. That pregnant enough to fill your ego snack. Sometimes i asked catherine and she thinks my ego is so big that we have to lathered it up with butters doorways earnestly. Look at me the other night and you're like is me go. I mean i. Don't think my egos big. That's interesting as you may have guessed dear listener. The one of the guests on today's show is me. That's me and that is why. I held off on my usual today. I gonna get too excited about yourself. It was actually a combination of things. I thought it's a special day. We should do something different. And then in those two or three seconds. I thought it's not that big of a deal that i'm on the show because i'm on the show every day and that is what happened inside of my apparently very big mind brain your lead baby. Go get the butter degrees me through this though. I'm sure this is amazing for you. Free cookies listeners. This'll insight into our to our marriage dynamic on today's show we. We are going to be talking about kate's newest book. All the colors came out published by little brown and the very exciting guest aside from my wife. She just made some motion that phoenix. Oh yes it is. The june pick for the inky phoenix. Which is it my book club that you can find on instagram at the phoenix. And if you enjoy this and you want to read along we will be doing zoom conversation at the end of june. And if you're interested in getting that information well you gotta follow the club so if that what's your appetite w. asia s merge so all. The colors came out. Is the book that i wrote about the last year of my dad's life when i was helping my mom take care of him at the end of his battle with ls which is a neuro degenerative disease. That's one hundred percent fatal and the book. The book is about. The book is really a love letter to my dad. Talking about the life lessons he taught me. When i was growing up through the game of basketball and then marrying those basketball life childhood lessons with that last year and facing death in reassessing priorities in life together the way my elevator pitch for it is tuesdays with morrie meets hoop dreams for any of you doc lovers or basketball lovers out there as well but do people need to like basketball to read this book. Thank you dear. Wife dear apparently is a favorite word of mind for this podcast near like a victorian memoirs dear listener dear wife dear mother who will be coming on the podcast later. But no you don't need. This is not a sports book. This is not a book that the foundation of which is any knowledge about sports whatsoever. It is a book about relationships. Life love loss that happens to dabble and some of the lessons are told through the game but they're not about the game you don't need to be wanting to play the game to apply these lessons or two. I think connect with the story because the story is about a father daughter dynamic. But it's about a relationship. That life has dented. Is this for someone who has experienced or experienced someone dying from a disease dear wife. Thank you for the question. No it is. It is a book for for those people. But it's i think that the way i tried to write it was that it's not just if you've had in your life or if you've had disease in your life or if you've had someone close to you die. I think it's also for any of us who are well ahead of any of those things happening in our life but we're perhaps questioning our priorities or the value. Were getting out of the decisions. We're making the where life is going before you get to those moments when someone you love or perhaps e even yourself are facing kind of one of those those crucial life moments. It's to fill your mind with certain to read our story and perhaps make you question the choices you're making in whether they're aligned correctly with the life that you want. Do you have to have a good relationship with your parental figure. Dear wife thank you for that question. Teeing me up i. These are all the questions that readers have brought up about. Is this book for me. Yeah i think this book is for. Of course i mean i wrote it. I think this book is for anyone who who wants to look at life differently that that's that's the reason i wrote it because i looked at life viewer. If you do not have a good relationship with your father. Just give very explicit example. Some people may not have a great relationship with their dads laughing and went to do is pick up a book. That's a love letter to a father. The thing i've learned in any writing i've done is that i have specific details. That are specific to my life in the story. I'm writing or if it's someone else's there are very specific details but if you write them correctly and if someone's resolving them with an open mind they become universal so yes. This is a story about my relationship with my dad who spent a lot of time with me growing up. But you can transplant my dad for any buddy in your life that showed up for you in any way who perhaps you've grown apart from or or the. The relationship has changed. I don't think that dynamic is unique in any way and so although on face value. It's like oh this is basketball and dad's it. Is those things but i. The goal of the book was to be able to transcend to the universal human experience of loving someone and thing in things changing along the course of life and then wanting to reconnect with that relationship the final question dear wife dear wife and this is funny to me but this is legit them. Another thing that. I've heard d- d you have to be into gay things to like this book. Well if you're not into gay things. I don't understand why you're not indicate. Thanks because gay things. You're pretty cool. But this is another thing you've heard This is not a gay book. I don't go around flaunting my sexuality in this book despite the fact that i love to do that normally coming out story catherine. It's a falling in story to quote juniors. Do the only gay thing about this book is the fact that you and i i am. It happened to be married. You happen to ha- you happen to be. My wife not happened. This is a great thing that i've forcefully want to choose this as we choose it and i think this coded and every in every day i'm continuing to choose s. o. Willingly s. o. With open arms. Chasing after you going. Mary me still love me but no depth. That is a small small through line of the book is the impact that that coming out had on my relationship with my dad but in no way is that a is that a story line in in no way. Do i think that you have to be a gay woman. Who loved the new york knicks in the nineties and grew up in upstate new york and had a dad who played basketball overseas and played. No thanks for clearing that up. I i feel. I feel that strong strong. So we're going to do now is i'm going to give my mom a call. Perhaps you'll even hear the phone ringing. And not a thing. We usually do on free easily experiment and the reason we're we're giving her a call is because my mom actually wrote the foreword for all the colors came out. So we're gonna ask you a few questions about that process. So here we go. I'm hitting the button we can here. We can hear rain this exciting. I feel like we're alive. Radio show thanking katherine katherine. I thought it was just to begin with a mom rolling first time. Caller longtime listener. Okay so that's what it means when you told me you're gonna call me when you're rolling it's not gonna be you're gonna stop everything and call me a little you call. It's like when the car is driving by and you're like come on running and get we're not stopping completely. You just got to sprint ahead and jump in. that's what we've done. I executed that so so well with ignore so there you go many times. That's how we used to pick them up when we would soon by the house. Thanks for joining us. We've already we've already teed the people up the free cookies listeners. Up about all the colors came out and we wanted to have you on to just take us behind the scenes of even from from idea to execution about how you thought about about the forward in what you wanted it to be. Yeah well so. First of all. When i was asked to do it by kate and only later did i find out. It was actually ryan suggestion my my other daughter. Of course i was feeling supremely on to have that role and i felt honored for months without doing anything. You just passed in the feeling of being honored exactly and then finally vanessa. God bless her. And i don't know if i instigated or what but i got what i needed which is as we all know a deadline and you know and especially once i had that of course i kid you had been thinking about it but i really had started writing it and i remember. I texted you both one night about what i thought one of the main things would be. Which was what. I got to in the end and that is that kind of thinking about. How do we want to be removed. Burt because you were offering dad here in this memoir and So i had some thoughts around that. But that wasn't gonna give me a going to an entire forward. But i knew that's kind of where i wanted to end up and then i started thinking about our history together neom to add And the fact that. There's probably a lot of this here. Sorry i'll try to eliminate them. There's another one thousand nine so well over them. Among among your writing is crisp with this. Let's see if i can tell you do mine. Mine's the like more so thinking about dad. I was also thinking about that that he loved lists. So i thought that okay. I'll i'll incorporate that too and it'll help me structure and so what i did was i. I told our story that. Segue to your stories. Yours and ryan's with him as a father. And i started out with a moment from the recent present with hungry. You know your nephew and my grandson. And i decided that that will be good structure. And i fleshed it out from there and once i had that structure you know as writers. That's that's the main thing is just getting started and then it can start to flow pretty well until you get to the editing stage where you can keep editing until you die. Sorry until you just choose to start right. So that's really the the you know the skeleton us how it came to be but there was so much to fill in the gaps with because dad just was so much and brought so much to our family that it was more a question of me trying to figure out the best stories to include that. We're going to be a good introduction. So what your follow up was your meagre. Follow up the fallow up. Exactly so cathy with this little anecdote with henry and frankie and this concept of things not being fair which is such a classic show interaction with little ones. It's not fair. And so i'm wondering in that moment which i'm sure something similar to this happened many times. Did it strike you. When henry said it's not fair. Did it immediately bring you into your own experience with chris or it is just. It's one of the more graceful transitions and funny and relatable and sweet. And and and you just transitioned to. it's perfectly. I'm wondering if that struck you when henry did that did you. Mmediately go scribble this down or were you already sitting down with your computer when this came to you. The the ladder. Really scribble many things down that i could be wrong about that. There might have been a thing or two because as we all know. Sometimes you think that this nugget that has come to you. When you're inspired is something that you're never going to forget and then five minutes later. You're like but i didn't do a lot of that. I worked from my memory almost entirely and but to answer your question. You know fifty fifty i. I think when henry would have his meltdowns which he doesn't have any more. Thank god and would say things like that every once in a while like my brain would slit to that idea. You know except. And i would tell. And i actually did at one point. Say that's him. Henry life just isn't fair and realizing as i was doing it while there's just so lehman so stupid nanna but that's that so i didn't go and write it down but definitely kings me as part of all of this process of fairness and luck and what we're handed out dern life and for us. We were handed a whole hell of a lot of good luck in great fortune. Fun and then boom. The brakes got got thrown on mom. Will you share with our frequently listeners. Your relationship with writing over the years and what you want it to be going forward. I've always been ever since. I was in school. I was a good writer. I would kick ass with essays that i had to write and you know all kinds of nonfiction pieces. I excelled at those. I can save fairly you know. Have a decent vocabulary in a good way with words and i read a lot so here i am patting myself on the back of a tiny bit but my goal has always been to write a novel and while such an amazingly different beast and so i've had many fits and starts with novel writing. Here's the point. Where i bright ten twenty thirty thousand words of some brand new idea. I had then. Just let it go by the wayside and always been very critical of myself in that you know. Let's face it. You're not a real writer because real writers find a way to get it done. They have their day job and get up at five am and do their novel from five. Am to six thirty. And then get the kids up and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and. That is not you and so you're not a writer. But i think i've come to realize that you know writers do it. As many different ways there are writers so stocks like beating myself up over that and my goal is still to complete a novel. And i am closer to that than i've ever been before although i'm not close at all to the so so that's what i'm working on right now that i have time and i've retired and i'm i'm very excited about it but i try not to get too down on myself when a couple of days go by. Don't get writing. Because i really should everyday but i know this is a question for both of you. You know as i sit here and look at this book and for people in the coverage this very abstract beautiful oil painting of chris bergin and very striking cover very very beautiful book and then of course you open the book and all of the words her about chris fagan and i just want to know what it is like as a a wife and a daughter to have something like this out in the world and i know kate was already memoirs before. But that's something that i've always struggled with. Is this concept of sharing. It's one thing to share fiction one thing to share ideas and beliefs that you might have in fictional form but to bear the good and the bad and the ugly about your family and a book. What is that like for both of you especially since. Chris isn't here to defend themselves. I can't i think there's one part of that. I think i find. I guess that. I want to relate and that is that because catherine you and i an imam you and i and three of us together were present for every page of the book being written almost from mom you and i sitting in the coffee shop down charleston. When i when. I asked you if you thought the book was a good idea to the book. Actually arriving on our doorsteps the fact that we saw it being created sentence by sentence paragraph-by-paragraph. It's it's the question of what's it feel like to have. The book exist is almost a parallel question to what it feels like to hold an iphone. My my ten year old self holding an iphone. It's like. I can't conjure. Because i was there every step of innovation. I can't conjure the true feeling of what it means to have a book about dad that i can hold. That's my experience with it. Mom yeah well. I think can be to the specifics of your question. I had the much easier. Tusk i mean how many pages the forward i don't know six or seven and i really focused on the good stuff which was easier to do. It would have been easy to focus on about stuff do because there was no. It's marriage and it's a lifetime and But cates the one who bore the burden of focusing on everything from a really honest and vulnerable perspective. You know my job was very easy convert blood but i think also your job in terms of writing the foreword and the words you wrote down that are part of all. The colors came out. But i think we all felt. And catherine i include you in this as shepherds of dad's memory and wanting the book to be an honest reflection of him in all of an all of the prisons that honesty means beyond just the honesty. About what a great dad. He was which is undeniable but also the honesty about certain decisions at the end that were difficult for us or that put pressure on the family. So i think. I guess the question there for you mom is how. How did you see your your role in terms of dad's memory like yours. It was to be as honest as possible but also to be as vivid as possible so that so that he would really live in reader's minds. And i think you did that really well. But it's also why i wanted from a slightly different perspective. You know you so much with his role in basketball. Which was the passion the two of you shared and i wanted to show him from a slightly different perspective as a father and all of the other things that he brought to the table that you might not necessarily touch on I don't you know that highlighted him in a different way as a father. I don't know if that answers your question or not. It might not. But that's how i answered it so so deal with it. That's exactly here's a yes or no question. do you think i'm a glory hound all sister. I don't want to bear that burden too much. Whenever if there's glory to be had i mean who's not grabbing at it right exactly exactly and you know so. Many of us don't really have that much of a chance to grab glory. So yeah we do. Hey hold on tight are among before we let you go will you. Will you give. They're letting me go. That's you rolled in and now you're getting dropped off without stopping kinda got tumble out like okay. More of a warning. What is your for the listeners. What's what's your pitch on why to read the book. I think number one in these numbers again. Okay melissa this right off the top of my head. But seriously okay. I because i think when someone is as honest and vulnerable in the way that they were count a a difficult and sometimes traumatic situation and and tries to be as authentic as possible. Which is i. I truly believe and no you work. I think that helps everyone who reads a book like that. Try to be more like that in their own. Lives and i think our instinct is to be self protective and try and not be as vulnerable as as maybe we should be in life in order to really truly connect with with other people number two. Because i think it's a basketball side. Sure i think people who like basketball will maybe automatically be drawn to the book from not respective but whether in some cases the lessons that you talk about lessons dad was definitely trying to communicate and some of them. I think he wouldn't furred a lot of what he taught you in very very valuable ways. So i think it's also a great story to read if your parents especially a young parent and wanting to help kids grow up in a way that in a way that validates them and and help them along and prove to them that you love them. And and i guess i guess the last point would be just just from a global perspective it helps. It helps when you're reading this to understand what we what we all can be and what we can do. Dad dad was chris fagin and maybe a little bit of a local basketball legend but certainly not an annuity famous. But man you he made. He made an impact. And if we can all strive to live our to make that kind of an impact that much better a world i think so i just find it inspiring i am your mother doing the ultimate in my mom loves my book not only does bring on the podcast and tell you why mom please other people why they should love my book. I just all. I feel about it. I think you salvaged everything in the opener. I i i am. I am a mom to be sure. But as i mentioned before like an avid reader and i i just think you're writing is just so honest and i appreciate that mother or not and i'm sure the readers only other reasons will will to kathy. I'm going to wrap it with the most important question and it's not what listeners think is come and is not what i'm thinking is common. Then either what is the last cookie. You eight oh interesting because you knew i was going to back up my daughter if i got the usual question i agree with a lot of caveats but i was going to the last. Oh oh being k b. The last cookie i ate was that most this ship in charleston from baba's on cannon salted brown butter pecan chocolate chip. You know what i did when you left. I threw it in the freezer and there was only half of one left true in the freezer thinking it was going to slow my roll and then like i was on later and i just pulled it out almost trip to tooth worse than me. You froze a half a cookie. I know it seemed like it was post birthday celebration. I was like. I need to figure something out and sugar in the freezer where i won't eat. It kid comes home sucking on a piece of frozen cake. I love it. Thanks mom thanks for coming on until the people the goods. Well thanks for have gone later. And just to be clear to you. We're going to defend my own raisin cookie love with a few caveats just through the listeners. Were aware what that meant right. Mom that is definitely true. That's definitely true. But but i have to say most oatmeal raisin cube. Get our our yucky. Tejera go they are keeping it real. So so like but a really great cookie. Oh yeah yes wherever those are when you find them. Put them in all the freezers. Put this stuff them in freezers. You got it thanks. Mom love you. Buy but i do just jumping off of not the last thing. My mom said about the cookies important. But you're not that important but one thing about poll. All the colors came out. And my dad. That i've that i think about a lot is that we have this obsession with to make our mark. We have to have a lot of followers and do something big and yet he was very dedicated. And i don't know. I don't know that he was consciously thinking this. He loved making the things around him infused with his attention and time and passion. And i think it's really to keep that in mind. That being beautiful and wonderful in your world is the most important thing you can in not only does it not mean that you can't have and there's like triple negative but doesn't mean you also can't have massive reach. The book exists because my dad cared about being great in his world and that can transcend. It doesn't always transcend but it can transcend. I think that's something. I constantly try to reframe in my mind is the things around me. Infused with my love and attention and trusting that that is the recipe absolutely so one of my favorite parts about your book aside from you know raising cookies that my god aside from the chapters that are named after me i it was. It was fun watching you compile this because i want to say days after your father died you were immediately scribbling down every single memory about him and you and your mom and ryan collecting stories ideas everything. It was quite beautiful for someone who doesn't have that in her family. It was hard but it was so beautiful. Watching you do that. And for anyone who has inbred this yet it's very episodic they're like little amuse bouche lessons and chapters and it reads. I mean i don't know if i will call a page. Turner doesn't seem like the appropriate description reserve that for a james patterson. It is very easy book to read and pick masterpiece right but a better. So it's not new masterpiece. What in you may only pick. One is your favorite chapter at the outset. The me there's a thing that i do when talking about the book which is trying inject the conversation with humor. Because i'm so paranoid that a book about a dad. Dying of ails like won't be seen to be filled with grayson humor and so i feel like sometimes i try to go overboard with that because that's the thing that i have running through my mind. So that's why. I keep doing these aside so i will try to limit them. You do you baby. You do so. Favorite of the of the nuggets of the nuggets is what you're saying after so there. There's not a chapter that. I love more than any chapter. But there's a scene that i love more than any seen in which after it is. I think it's in. It's one of the very last chapters. I think it's an goodbyes. Which is actually the last official chapter and within it. i'm. I'm talking about this time when i was with my dad on one of the overnights when i would stay with him and he asked me to sit with him in. This was up three in the morning and he would do this frequently because he was not sleeping much. And if i if he asked if he woke me up around usually around three a m to fix his mask or fix something or get him water he would often say. Can you sit with me for a while. And almost all of the time. I said yes and sometime once or twice i was like i can't because it was like this wooden chair next to his bed news three in the morning and it just be so tired delirious and it just felt so daunting to to sit in this rigid wooden chair but there was one time when when i said yes and i was sitting there with him and it was it was it was silent and he said. Can you come hug me. And he w- we were incredibly close. And if you read the book you'll you'll find out the why and over the years and we we talk so it's not as if this is estrangement but i wouldn't say that i would linger in his hugs or anything or that. I would the be physically connected to him the way my mom. I might like go. Just like drape on her for an hour at a party or something right. And i didn't do that as much with my dad so he. There's this moment that i write about in the book where he does say like. Can you come hug me. And then he took that time to whisper these lovely things into my air. And am i going. Tease the book here. I think there are many reasons to read the book. And this is not necessarily the number one reason so i'm happy to just talk through it. But he was like. You're my little superstar. You'll always be my little superstar and he was just like so loving in that moment in a way that. I don't think that i had known that. I missed so much from him because he showed his love and so many other ways and it was a very clear me as a kid moment. Because we had like you know hit baseball's together and we do know we did everything together so it was very much like him recognizing who i was a kid at the same time as recognizing who had become as an adult and him acknowledging the blended version of both of those. It is me. I am both of those people. But his very much acknowledging both of those people existing in that moment and then he was like you gotta get up. You're crushing which i knew was going to happen. Because he had trouble breathing when he was laying down at it lying my weight. Kind of like on top of them a little bit. But that's my favorite scene in the book because it is a scene that in my mind is very real and powerful and that's a scary thing is a writer to try to capture. Is proof that i'm crying i. I'm keeping cried on free cookies. It's not remember assume. On kid i cried. I cried kid episode. I did they were just just welded. Anyway i could ask. Lindsay has a lot of stuff in her is right now. It's red hot chili pepper. So that's that's my favorite team exists the scene that means the most to me in my mind and then i think i translated as as well almost on par with how it exists in my mind because you know it as a as a writer is very rarely the case and i suppose this could be a a section of chapter or maybe an idea but what was the hardest to write. The hardest to write was the scene of when we were having a family meeting about. Whether or not he should have life extending tracheostomy. Be honest about it or being honest about what i had said in that meeting. Which was that. I didn't think he should get it. And then that. I thought he should call in hospice. Because in that was hard for me to write bec- because i i still not sure that that was that was the right to say to him. And i'm still not sure that it wasn't a selfish response defending me and who my life and end being protective of ma mom and ryan and and they're still not that not that it not that it matters now but there's still a piece of me that wonders. If after he had the tracheostomy he wasn't in he couldn't talk and he wasn't feeling good just to put it mildly physically having panic attacks. There's still a part of me. That wonders that that that lodged in his mind. That i didn't i already said i didn't want him to have it. So why should he that. We didn't want him there. And so on top of it once he realized the pain of it and not talking that that always was still there was. Kate has already told me that she didn't support this decision. And i didn't support his strong. I i did. I did support it once. He made clear that he wanted it. But you know he. He did i as he used the as technology to type out like a message. Right after saying you're right about this once. He had had the procedure. You were right about this. And so does so i. I mean i don't a project your emotions onto you but guilt around that saying that to him. No you were speaking truth. Yes it made it. It made it made it a little bit worse because it made it clear that not that. I thought he'd forgotten that had said that. But is it highlighted the fact that it was something spinning in his mind and i had put it there and i think once you introduce an idea like that it's i imagine it was hard for him to not have that. Be a bullet point in his decision making process. And it's very complicated for me. Because i i think it should have been a bullet point in his decision making process that i think that he at times was struggling. To see was the impact of this disease. This collateral damage in our family. Think that was an important thing for him to try to see and take into account. But also i don't have any less and i'm not sitting in his life and in those women's you want to offer nothing but love and support and so that was hard for me to write and get it and get it right the way my mom's feeling in it the way it it quote unquote actually happened right as close of a version to that. That was very difficult so it just makes me wonder if honesty is the ultimate act of selflessness or if it is an active being selfish or if it's a dance between the two i think it has to be a nance a dance between the two because the the amount of thought i went through to go back and forth between honesty will help him get to a better decision full honesty because if he had done the trait and no one had told him the here ryan mom and i are talking about how we're scared of it and we're not sure we want it and then on the backside of that grows resentment if he had had it and lived with it and then we're over at the local starbucks every chance we can get is like you know so overwhelmed by what life is now and then it completely alters relationships with between me and ryan my sister between me and my dad and that honesty and me and u s of course two chapters. Two chapters named after catholic. I think you wrote enough about me. Let's focus on me for a second. I actually think that could have written a lot more about the effects on our marriage. But i think that what we boil and i say we what we boiled it down to in the chapters that it was gets the clarity of what people need across. What so you talk about. How one of your father's favorite sayings was power strengthen mental toughness and it's pretty straightforward for what it meant to him after everything that you've gone through. What does it mean to you. Power strength and mental toughness. Yeah he would say that getting a bed in the morning and he meant it very clearly you push through physical and probably mental struggles and like you continue showing up. I never adopted that philosophy. And i never really. It's not like something he would say. Come downstairs in the morning. So it's not something i heard him say. Oh my mom heard him say every morning because he would say it getting out of bed and so it's not this thing that when someone says the dad saying i don't know that i ever heard him say it but i certainly adopted whatever energy comes from a father who says that every morning and it in not his disease and seeing that the tier deleterious i think is the way the terriers. Yeah affects my producer lindsay. It's like oh. I can leave that babe. We'll put a pin in that the deteriorating of but anyway i'm not going to get hung up there Seeing the effects on his body of l. s. is like one hundred percent. Fatal disease absolutely made me rearrange. What what the energy my dad gave. Which was you know. No defeat no surrender new plow through everything. Until you're you know crawling across the finish line kind of energy. I definitely abandoned that as a life philosophy. And i'm i pay much more attention now to wear surrendering is the the strength. This the smarter smarter move all around and when it takes strength i think that is a little tricky for me too because then once you start to think. Oh we'll surrender is a thing i should be doing. You're like okay. i'll just give up. Give up on that and you know so like everything in life. It's yes you need. It's finding that balance between the power and the perseverance and also the surrendering and that's where the that's the magic place that you want to be but you can often swing from one side to the other another one of the lessons. So you share these these beautiful nuggets these lessons from your father throughout the book and one of them's this great lesson on finding the center mark on basketball court and for those of you who have never been on a basketball court before dissenter. Mark being this little notch that it's where you would shoot a free throw from. And the chris would take eight onto the court and showed it to her and said that all across the world you will be able to find the center mark and that if you line your foot up with this notch at lines your knee and you're hip and then your elbows in line with the ball and everything is directly in line with the rim. And that's how you make your shot. Which i'm assuming that's why you're such a free throw shooter. That's actually two of the harder words for me to say in a row free throw yes yeah katherine. Catherine eats breakfast. So what's the takeaway. Being that the center mark notch that no matter how chaotic a game gets like this. Is that the eye of the storm. This is that place of peace that always exists regardless of. What's going on around you. If i'm interpreting. Yeah i mean it's very yoga. It's very yoga. Could so what. Your senator mark in life other than the center mark. I'm assuming that you don't go into a basketball. Go every day to find your center. It's more it's more metaphorical a metaphorical question. Yeah and i'm saying that that chapter on that center mark. It's still something i think about. Even if i'm not at the court all right so when you're gonna actually envision yourself on the court and that brings you back to your son. Yeah when when we meditate or which being the person who acts like we meditate every morning right. And it's like a holier nothing when we go through periods where. We're meditating definitely. don't yeah. I that is a that is a visual. That will be in my mind. Is this i think the center mark and then like having your toe in line with it and and having a very linear lining up with the world and is that something that you think about when you feel yourself spiraling because you're upset about a relationship were about how someone's treating you mean. Is this what you know onto. No i probably need to have something to fall back onto. 'cause i right now i just spiraling spiraling spiral until i crashed to the ground. So a high anxiety. That's how i do that. That's how i work with that. But but but what as someone who watched the book like me. Write the book. What was your. What was your experience like in in the watching being part of everything that happened with my dad how it impacted our relationship writing the book. What was your experience in watching that process. It's very open ended. It is very yin and yang answer to that because in one sense it was remarkably poetic and it was very satisfying to watch. you take. What makes you happiest in the world. In my opinion that's writing. I think that you are most at home in yourself. When you're writing so to get to see you like take that medium. Take a story that is so important to you and mix that together. It's probably the most at peace of seen you in a very long time when you would be writing in that and then just the giddiness with sharing your pages with me at the end of the day and and i know you hate us when i say this but you would rate everything so quickly and i know you always interpreted that as it wasn't good enough because it came out of you so quickly but my point insane. How impressed i was with how fast you rate is how eloquently you can put your thoughts to paper and a short amount of time and this book came out of you quickly and it is like the complete into this of who i am who i am with my family memories stories. I could never get close to creating something like this. And i'm sure a lot of listeners. Feel that way too. So it's it's it's a gift for people to have your memory combined with your expertise of using words to encapsulate the emotions that were being had at the time and you talk about this in the book on the flipside i was also like i will always come second. You know it was. It was a really hard experience. I mean we got together and your dad was sick. I think within the first year maybe year and a half of us being together and it definitely took over our life and then my dad got sick and died and then corinthian happened. It's been a ride. The it was a little scary. Just fagan's rolf fucking like and beauty heard like little daisies in their heads right off. Just what i'm used to. And so that was it was. It was a little intimidating. I think beautiful and like what the fuck is going on like. I don't know what it's like to have that bond. But i'm excited that i get to vicariously experience it. She'll go by the book into curiously experience. But it's like to have that relationship. That's all am. I supposed to see more. No i think think. That's a good place to wrap it up. Do the end credits. A podcast is brought to you by lindsey collins. You can listen to her podcast. Debbie radio patriot in maker delicious recipes. Yes you can rate and review this show on apple podcasts. Or wherever you get your podcasts always helpful. You can email us a free. Cookie's podcasts at gmail.com or follow the inky phoenix on instagram. Join us for the zoom conversation at the end of june zoom zoom familiar june. Where we promise to not cry to cry. There will be no such promise. I promise to eat a carolina reaper. Oh jesus this is the part of the show where caroline shays listening in. We got to just have a couple of jokes for her. You know because she people the people expect us to be really witty part of the show. So i'm just trying to bring my best. She sent me a really good birthday card and on the cover. It's one of those fifties style drawings of a woman being like i do not speak. Do profanities open them up. And it says 'i nunciate them clearly like fucking lady bird. thanks kurt. it's been past.

basketball catherine phoenix henry kate fagan ryan neuro degenerative disease kate katherine katherine chris bergin chris fagan morrie chris fagin charleston new york knicks Tejera nuggets dern Burt
Exchange the US with Binance US CEO Catherine Coley

Messari's Unqualified Opinions

52:56 min | 1 year ago

Exchange the US with Binance US CEO Catherine Coley

"All right everyone. Welcome back this Ryan Lucas. And you're listening to him. Saris unqualified opinions. Where each week? I interview crypto top builders investors and personalities to discuss key trends in the industry can discover more about Massari. I'm sorry dot. Io but for now. Let's get right into the episode. It's going to be a good one. This episode is brought to you by the only lender offering instant crypto credit lines which let us digital assets as collateral to get cash and forty five different Fiat currencies and stable coins. Also Park idle assets next earn the eight percent annually. His company's strategic partner of exchanges OTC desks and Crypto fons borrow land and grow their assets using next oh explore next dot co or reach them at institutions at next dot io to learn more. Save money this tax season with Luke attacks. Only tested crypto. Tax Software listened to your feedback. Now he can calculate capital gains and see the results using three different accounting methods side by side. All for free. You only pay if you want to access their detailed tax reports Luca supports unlimited transaction blows from all major changes in wallets and helps optimize your cash reportings. He can Max out. This year's refund hookah tax wants to help and Saris unqualified opinions listener. See even more this year so use Promo Code Massari tax. You'll get five dollars off the normal price at thirty nine ninety five win downloading today go to L. U. K. Kate A. T. A. X. dot com and save money this tax season. Have you seen with? Crypto DOT COM. Team's been up to lately talking about the MC Visa Card. It's a beautiful metal card. You can top up with crypto and spend anywhere visas accepted you get up to five percent back on all your spending. Plus one hundred percent rebates on spotify Netflix. Amazon prime travel how `Bout Unlimited Airport Lounge access interbank exchange rates. So many perks in just one card. You can download Crypto Dot Com ads in reserve yours today. This podcast is presented by blocks group on the top blockchain events in media production companies. I've worked with for exclusive content and events could help you with insight into the CRYPTO and blockchain space. Check THEM OUT AT BLOCK WORDS GROUP. Dot I O. And you will not be disappointed butts up on welcome back to another episode of unqualified opinions. I'm Ryan Circus to bit idiot. Very special guest today. She is the CEO of Finance U. S. Most of you probably know her as award-winning dancer. shell suspend time at ripple. We're GONNA come up with a ton of questions at cover Catherine's illustrious career in Crypto as crypto. Very excited to have this conversation but but Katherine for Starters. Tell us what happened with that dance. Well there's there's a bit of a backstory but then there's not much it all happened around a lot of fate so I had a fourteen year career in dance when I was little and I was rejected from the Orlando Magic junior dancers. When I was nine and I've I've held onto that grudge so when when I realized that the NBA weekend is GonNa be Chicago. One of the hotbeds for Crypto and I have a strong belief that basketball dance in Bitcoin can bring the world together. I said let's go. Let's let's engage the crowds. Let's get people excited about finance. You ask and so we just we just went and got two tickets randomly to the celebrity game like arcade. We're going to try this out if it doesn't work out Ahead find him not write it off as marketing Handa and so sure enough right before the game starts. Some guy with a headset comes up and he goes man. We've been seeing. You danced all the songs senior seats. Would you like to participate in a halftime dance offs? And so this was the you didn't have an inside track. This is like an actual stub hub to the hardwood. And so he immediately was like yes. Absolutely please let me pass this former my lawyer and then then I'm walking in. Its at twelve year old boy that is competing against and I knew my I knew what the audience wanted. They wanted a twelve year old boy not a budding Ceo of Crypto. To win this competition. But I I left everything out there on that court and I'm not. I'm not disappointed in my performance. So I gotTa Buster desktops Impure Watson and some items that I held onto for about twenty years fat every week. So you're telling me that. Was the losing dance. That was the losing all my goodness by. It's because I didn't floss so I got to know my audience next time and and having original choreography. Griffey's just not enough for them so he repeated a tick tock dance. That was pretty well known in the crowd on crazy so I lost a him. A guy named dancing Dan so I feel like if anything it was a a step in closure for myself but I also think that going to be the last time. You'll see half work. Well if you can't already tell why everybody loves Katherine Katherine. Hopefully that that brief lead gives you a sense up catherine. Let's let the holy coaling. I know most people do not the rules. Here are typically show I like to start aside from Dan. Stories with every individual trip down the rabbit hole with our guest because they're all very different. I know it's a little bit of a cliche way to start but I do think it's important. Give people context for how you got to this point right and in particular how you went from not being encrypted being crypto which is the much larger Lee and obviously believe. Your start was with ripple. Can you just talk about that path and what you did previously and and how we got here today. Sir Super excited to share this with your listeners. They spend such a devout part of shaping the crypto ecosystem so. It's exciting to ship fan. But I began really as an experiential learner and in order for me to understand things I have to do them. There are auditory learners their visual learners in Connecticut. And I happened to be the last one so I really in order to understand how this world works at a throw myself into situations to understand them and one of the things that couldn't grasp was how the world works and I taking courses etc and always had something in the back of my head that I learned it. Was You know? Follow the money in history will teach you and so the best way to follow the money was to put yourself really in the middle of the largest flows in the world which was the foreign exchange markets and going onto a trading floor. And really witnessing what that was I read a book. Called Liar's poker in it changed my life so I mean that's that's the best way for me to understand how this world works is seeing really what people are identifying as news and what they're trading on and what swings. We're seeing in reaction and how they affect anybody else. So I got my start. On the Hong Kong trading floor at Morgan Stanley covering the onshore Asian currencies understanding that after the Asian financial crisis these countries had restrictions and limitations put on them to safeguard against potential attacks from others. So it was a very unique situation where my counterparts in. New York barely knew the difference between Malaysia System in Thailand system and yet I was super aware of those niche differences that opens and closes distinct their equities markets the the ability of having like an omnibus account versus having to do individual trades. There's another world out. There is really telling to why these economies are developing in certain way so I found it super fascinating and just enjoyed that case and the understanding a real pulse on how the world works but the world was changing so I during Dun Dun Dun during my time I witnessed it one of the jobs that I had was extremely manual. Had to move between a Bloomberg Terminal Reuters terminal and so no matter the automation that provided Skip that step and you just Kinda sat there. Frustrated blind like this is job security. They need me. I'm I'm the rotation of my My Body over here type this. There's something I can create mechanical. Do this for them but You just noticed that there were some frictions along the system. That really helped things back from going to the fully electronic funding we use the word electronic describing things this fast moving back then or now it's all digital so electronic trading was taking off the ability to put. Al Goes in the hands of your customer rather than facilitate a tea or time weighted average going through that on their own was something it was empowering your user or your customer really enjoyed being able to monitor and watch their activity. N- understood that they were getting the best price they weren't having a Middle Man. You know take things off based on how How they felt really And that that was something that we were seeing as a scaring factor on the sell side but an empowering factor when he thought about the market as a whole so I really pushed forward in dug into how electric trading and the fx platforms point be helping oftentimes told slowdown. This is ruining our enjoyable jobs as voice brokers to some extent so When I witnessed all that other Lucien I kept in the back of my head. Saying there's gotta be a better way. There's got to be faster way. I don't want any little girl to wake up and say today. I'm going to type on a Bloomberg terminal and rotate type on Reuters terminal and that's going to be why I went to school and why I continue to wake up every day. So the ability to automate that or make it moving away. Everyone can access. It was really exciting to me. So that's truthfully I think of it as I've been training for the Olympics. Those were the those were the early days that got me to say. I'm fired up about increasing the rates which we can offer institutional quality services down to the individual and streamline the whole process in itself. It boggles my mind. Three thousand people which is still small. That's the amount of sell side. Employees there are in exchange Three thousand people were dedicated to moving other people's money from one place another and ultimately that should come down further and further because moving money from you know pointed point being four axes. It's I don't know that the number of people actually changes is just the medium and the the forum through which these assets are changing hands is going to be different and it will continue to Also changed the Say there is like one person that is facilitating that trade for Hedge Fund. Then they're sixteen people dedicated to that one day. So you've got compliance. You've got your back office. You Bet your settlement team you. And if you can streamline those roles and provide alternatives for people we could have far more fulfilling in motivating experiences in life or for years and so I think there's a lot of those bottlenecks that our customers. They could be eliminated and really give people a sense environment. It's funny twenty. Fifteen was this era of blockchain. Not bitcoin right after crash and the pitch was basically about eliminating cost centers. That was the big thing that all the enterprise players got excited about an alone. Behold another entire market cycle passes in CRYPTO and. I think the reason that the public chains are so much faster aside from just the incumbents move slower by default is that twenty seventeen was all about. I can make a lot. More money with crypto. Right whether it's status you know trading whether it's market making whether it's you know creating an ICO and selling it and liquidating that is a much more compelling reason to adopt a new technology and finance than just we're gonNA limit costs right. It's like the vitamin versus painkiller. Headache get people addicted to like the the ICS drugs. There's a lot of bad things about that addiction. But you're starting to see some of the fruit born in kind of the next market cycle. Where did you come in full time to criticize? So I guess what were the exposure points that before you made the switch and what finally made you take the leap and enjoying ripple in Hong Kong. I'm twenty thirteen. Bitcoin was kind of something you bought on your p. a. just to watch is almost like a plant in your kind of like it's GonNa either grow or it's GonNa die. None of us really have too much skin in this worry about it and the other aspect of it was you were seeing in beginning to see a lot of activity taking place from these self-sided analysts in Hong Kong. One of them being Arner Hayes. It was a good buddy back when he's at Georgia And other people are taking notice so it was. It was triggering the minds of these trader types. Who Getting to see there's real value in what you mentioned the Arab the speculation The ability to to get behind this budding marketplace apply what we already knew from a larger perspective so I kind of had a cheat sheet in seeing the twelfth chapter of the book before the forward was written And so I kind of knew how the book would end in. It would only be a matter of. Did everyone knew that story. Conclusion when Up Story or did they WANNA milk it for a little while because a few of us weren't around in the eighties when markets were roaring. So I took that as an interesting thing but I really jumped in in the summer of two thousand seventeen. I was at Silicon Valley Bank catering. A lot of these texts that were beginning to use bitcoin. As a means of moving money between a places like vima non in wire those are some of the budding names that I was hearing about is like. I'm going to be on the upside of that. I want to be sitting here. Just asking them if they're hedging their effects when I could be helping them move this forward. So that's where I I saw I have linked for ripple and popped up. Asked exactly what I had in terms of my experience. Oftentimes you see something in you got. That's not really aligned. But I'm the one that knows that so I'm GonNa go for it so it was. The opening role is for head of investor relations. They asked for five seven years of fx experience. Perfect perfect perfect spot. That let me see what I can work with them. Sound market team. Yeah Yeah and in particular. So when you say Marcus Him. I mean this was the extra P. Institutional Liquidity Angle so this is X. rapid in this is the digital asset. Not just the the ex current. Yeah I never I never talked to the bank clients that were on ripple net. I was purely dedicated to excerpt in the market. It was going to be involved in working with a exchanges marketmakers institutional buyers really understanding how we could make Liquid enough digital asset. So the other things could take place such as corporate flows. Coli as you know no one from ripple. We'll talk to me and I'm not gonNA comment one way or the other. I understand why that's the case. What what do people not understand about ripple and its role with x? Rpi and why it's so functionally important to the underlying system that and maybe they should Or or I guess what would be the Bull Case? For excerpt he the The case or ripple as as an entity in terms of its go to market strategy. That isn't well told or at least every single time it gets told it just gets shot down from every single skeptic within within crypto fairly or unfairly. I guess I'd love to hear your take on. On what misconceptions there might be without getting into trouble. Yeah my mind. I'm unfinanced USO. I can't get in trouble. I don't think the the under misunderstanding. A lot of it comes from when you're starting something out. There is kind of three things that you can have. But you can't have all three and so. We saw bitcoin start out with this in the end. The LEMBA is you can be convenient. Even be secure or you can be you know scalable and so the Scalable secure and and so. That's really where we saw. Ripple diverge when excerpt was coming out where the idea was if they can Started off it's going to be a little bit different but it's going to be able to move faster. Cheaper have a different mechanism to which can approve transactions and that is going to be better off for the use case that it was intended And when I looked at. Bitcoin affects person. Bitcoin wasn't the answer to my dreams. It was clunky slow as expensive kind of looked at it was like you're never gonNA get a better rate for dollar. Mex- through Bitcoin at at that situation but I did see working another another use cases but for Ruprecht surpise furious case of being a medium exchange What Zip a value over Faster that is really where it had. It had a bad rap because it was different from bitcoin but it was it was birthed from original. Bitcoin is like You think about taking something and trying to modify it and it's amazing. The reaction was so negative rather than like. Oh and upgrade and so. I think that's just you know that. That compounded over the years of getting terrible Rabin reputation for it really. Would we get that upset? If you lift came to town. And Hooper was the first one out. Why why what happens? And I wasn't there in the in the beginning days of of what made it not land as an upgrade but I I was there for two years to try to clean up the image and make it make it worthwhile in terms of a perspective musical now. Usability is loaded with with respect to to X. P. and ex wrap it up and I just want to put a finite book end to this so we're not spending the whole conversation on ripple mark exactly but I do want to ask one clarifying question. Which is that's right now. People think about Extrapolate versus ex current. There's no it's unclear if there's marginal cost savings right or like. How much do you need like? The actual units of extra P. versus. How much of it is just Kinda like cramming Brian this is digital asset? That's not necessary to generate a lot of the same savings that quite frankly. The institutional protocol is capable of delivering. And that's been borne out by the customers at ripples naval to to win. Is that still a misconception? As well you know they've they've changed some fair things. Since I've left so I think X. rapids now called like Odiele on-demand liquidity and the other a suite of products is now rolled into ripple net. So I need to do a little bit more homework to understand how those things have pivoted but The the idea of being able to send funds faster through traditional rails was definitely something ripple working on creating a faster messaging platform. And so that you're able to send real data across to have more information and have that kind of send in immediate way. They would be super useful as is in the current market. The benefit of using exe R. P. for transactions across borders was that would you'd be able to have liquid pools around the world. That would naturally have that funding amount in them. So that you wouldn't have to pre find your account in Mexico so you'd be able to basically zip the thing over to a Mexican exchange and it would have the natural liquidity of digital assets air. So that you wouldn't have to fund your pesos in advance. That is a huge amount of what businesses have as a penalty in order to have a foreign entity. Oftentimes you have to have a foreign bank accounts through correspondent banking network and then not take six months sometimes in some countries you have to help person on the ground. You can't just have a phone in bank account and then you've got to fund it so that's capital tied up and especially as small startups are beginning the lot of allocated resources to places. That aren't helping you drive your business or increase revenue. So I think that's where the benefit can come from is not being able to tie up those resources around the world. Are we at the stage where it's going to be instantaneous? Than startups can immediately create an account shames ziprectruiter pita their Mexican counterparts. And I think we're working on that they're working on that. I'm working on it to some extent because I'm building out the infrastructure that's required to allow for an on ramp to or users to access any digital asset. So that was why I did want to drill down a little bit on X. RPI because by Nance's handling hundreds now what what what is the total Supported Asset Count Dot Com way more on finance. Us thirty plus. Yeah and you're still catch up and some that's regulatory reasons but But the the global platform you're dealing with hundreds or or at least a hundred plus different assets. What how do you think about the quality between all the different stable coins that are available and something like extra p? Were bitcoin or or the other. Non Stable crypto assets that for a very long time until tether were worthy rails. Right like that. You know you settle using bitcoin. You settled in some cases using exe are but basically until Taylor took took over in a fifteen long twenty sixteen. Seventeen been the. Ico bubble really started to percolate like Bologna. Axe betrays like that was really when when Taylor took off and now of course you have other. You know more legitimate options if you if you want to think about it that way but but regulated. You know you've got this crazy spectrum of stable coins and we'll talk a little bit about Virgo Virgo Right. No but I like that Venus Venus. Yes we're not on. We're not on the act horoscopes train. Well you kind of our. Because Venus is like the governing body of of Labor whatever constellations? But we're not on So we'll talk. Methodology astronomy astrology. Yeah right so we'll talk about that a little bit. But but for starters. Why don't we talk about the Liquidity question right like so. So what infrastructure are you building? Not just a the. Vina's what will level but for us in particular to actually facilitates says it X. P. is Bitcoin is at. Where's the volume going? I think stable coins were I admit they were a frustrating thing for me to see come out of what was already built and gained such adoption. And I I call the tricycle training. Wheels element of people. Were too afraid of understanding a universal digital asset that they had to go digitize derivative of what they're comfortable with and so they went. Okay we're going to digitize. Us dollar it's going to be backed by the dollar wine it's GonNa have everything's GonNa be denominated in basically US dollars in terms of how your pricing things and it's still going to have a you know the regulation inside the United States terminating this and so really did validate the use case for extra p. of people wanting some form of a digital asset to move money around the world the downside of it was it didn't alleviate the concern that you had with having something be regulated by United States so for the sake at any time someone crosses in effect spread it goes through the US dollar which is priced against the US. Dollar it's been privy to. Us sanctions and Further for the ruling that involve the United States. Most people in the United States say Hooray. That's fantastic but to that are trying to get things through on a you know between Pakistan. Brazil you're going to have to have a you can't trade if it's A. Us Bank Bank Holiday and settle in from closed. And you're like what are world doesn't involve any part of America and we're still following their rules when we're when we're transacting and I thought and I still think that there is a a world where people are not having to be tied to the tether and that's where I still think. Bitcoin has its benefits. An excerpt has its benefits. Perhaps they were just too provocative for people to connect the dots into seeing. Why that made sense you face this a lot with companies that are going global and they pay their foreign employees or pay their or get their revenues in US dollars rather than the local currency that in its own is comforting to the accounting side. So people are excited by it but it does lead cash when you see volatility in those local currencies and it does burden your end-consumer in those local areas that has to find a way to convert coins. Usually the burden on them is the affects rate. Get usually terrible and it just doesn't create a super pure experience that I think we could get to so with stable coins. Your offering that similar thing. You're going to be able to send dollars around the world which is super convenient people already. And it's going to be an additional form which I think is helpful if that's adopted for people but it's not the pure case of a universe. Universal currency that is going to be determined by the pure fluctuations of the market players themselves. It was disappointing. Is that we. We haven't really seen one of those short versions. I guess for lack of a better term of a stable coin get mass market adoption or even Guinea ability to to get off the ground. In some cases we have. We have tanner which is dollar denominated in. It's held in the shell game of corporate accounts we have the US DC which can get shot down. I guess inconceivably at any time because it's a fully regulated Staple coin then. You had a libra which is probably the first time and that still would have been heavily regulated but it was still the first time that you had a non US dollar denominated staple coin after that. There's a pretty steep drop off. Where the only real permission lists dollar pegged or stable asset is is probably die right now and the liquidity on. That is nowhere right so I guess maybe this is a place to chat a little bit more about Venus. Yes it might be regulated. But but if you're talking about you're talking about Fiat currency dry like Fiat like pegged currencies. They're almost by definition. They're going to have yeah three. It's it's people opting in to have a fully regulated digital asset. That's based on the dollar. That's you know is is. It's their training meals. It's you're not going to be on your own or not going to have You know full freedom on that affects it is going to be regulated by the USDA regulated by the New York dfs available on forty three plus exchanges not only including the finance ecosystems But you're going to be having bat access to something that is pegged dollar regulated by the United States And that's what you're asking for so I don't think you can push it to be more than it. It really is If you want something beyond that then that's why you have digital assets that are among hopefully self software allow. There's so many but you can but I think that's it's a positive shift you know people are going to see that with the USD you can get up to above the interest rate earnings that you would get by holding Fiat. So that's going to be a natural flight to something that can be yielding benefit for you. And why is this such because we can you know digital assets can be more functional and? I think that's where you're going to see. Hopefully the adoption take place if people recognizing that you can do more with your assets when they're digitized then you can win. They're under your mattress. A man I want to switch gears a little bit and just talk about the pace of new features at finance as a global platform and then how these things gradually translate to finance. Us or any regionalized subsidiary or or project amateur you defined definition. We're an independent entity but we are able to license. The technology in the tech stack of the largest exchange finance global. So the benefit of that is that although we're catering everything through kind of a keyhole of the United States regulation were able to quickly build. Thanks that are already super stress testing beyond what we can actually doing. The United States you think about the volumes that finance global seeds and you question whether are matching engine can handle it. And you're looking at our daily. Volume is a fraction of the one point. Eight to three billion dollars of trading goes through finances matching engine daily. So I think that's one of the benefits are our technology is stress test student in the largest arena by some of the most sophisticated beginner players. That were able to. I guess we started. We launched in September twenty nineteen with nothing hand with the patience of our our followers. We were able to launch our APP in January. Twenty twenty so vailable on Android and IOS we allow for the access through US dollars three ways. Ach Debit cards wire payments with FDIC insurance coverage into thirty plus digital assets and we also offer US DC conversion direct to be rusty to allow for as you said those stable coin folks to be able to move money quickly between exchanges. So I WANNA ask this And I've been trying to think the last twenty seconds of the best way to phrase it without coming across insulting but but let's let's try it and I think you'll see what I mean when when I think of of alternatives this podcast off offending salted but the challenge accepted by nance global has such a massive team of contributors got massive head start by US less than a year old right. And when I think about the two I think about the technical innovation happening at the global level and then the regulatory innovation happening at any of the affiliate entities right financial us included. I am wondering if you agree with that or if that sell short a lot of what you do at. Us A team because the right now maybe the suggest from regulatory standpoint The feature set the assets supported the services. All seems to be a subset of larger platform. So it's almost like you're fighting on these different regulatory fronts on a week to week month to month basis and just trying to turn on features that already exists. You can license tell me. I'm wrong or help. Clarify or provide the nuance around what the reality is versus. That naive impression of how blance us in particular works not insulting Good work being the the real position that I'm in right now as I wanNA make sure that Americans have access to how the rest of the world is trading and the sophistication air receiving on a global level. Doesn't leave behind America. So for you to say that you know. Our our technology seems rather similar or nearly identical in terms of our. Api The end points change. That's a positive that means it. You're not falling behind in terms of the strategy that you're able to implement on a US platform versus global platform. And so you're able to then have a across a talent or skill set for people to be building on top of our API's and it not be a drastically different or dumb. John Experience the anything that has taken the lead on in terms of driving new feature set or or stream streamlines KYC for our users in a way that gets them through the door. Much faster That's one of the aspects that we realized is Hugh Turtle of opening in the United States. We have to go through. Kyc and am L. for all of our individuals and really understand at a much more granular level than you need At global perspective. So making sure that that doesn't slow us down. In his in Rhode Bucker the other aspects of it are the processes that we've put in place. Every single member of my team has come from a regulated entity in financial services or tax or aiming before the so. We come with an awareness that we know how the ultimate big dogs operate and we now get to translate it down to making sure. It's a usable individual experience so being able to come through and say hey. I want to be able to move on quickly. What is it that I'm going to be meeting having? Ach available option for free on ramps Having the KYC be streamlined being able to maintain an easy way to download your a transactions that taxes are easily done in the United States. Those are how we're kind of shifting the mindset of what it is to be an American trader that wants to compete at the global level and not feel like they're being left behind but it's true the translation from the global stock of margin lending futures. You name that does not translate one for one inside the United States so on but it is almost my job and our team's job to translate it in a way that's digestible also desirable. Not all Americans wanted a certain type of a trading platform that you see the rest of the world demanding for south when this was. This was also the innovators lemon in financial services in the US. More generally right. The you have more compliance folks on many of these banking teams than you would On the track team so it it. It's kind of consistent more or less with how financial services works in the US. More broadly and it speaks to a broader question of will we be able to innovate anywhere nearly as quickly as some other areas of the world when it comes to three and an additional finance rate decentralized finance how do you think about finance. Us's role in pushing the adoption curve for all of the Chancellor us-based projects on behalf of the entire ecosystem because there are a lot of very talented teams most of whom I believe or still hamstrung by US. Regulation and many them even. If they're you know here technically Or or the other way round even if they're technically based overseas a lot of the teams are here and they just basically can build here but sell only abroad a lot of times on the front lines what was said. GonNa Shiver Super Scary on sat a little bit of the ear seen people Fearful of launching in places where they could make a huge impact and having to go quote unquote the easy way out which is really the difficult way out and Launched to an audience outside of your home jurisdiction and so that's where we're really paying close attention to what are the projects in the United States. It would actually benefit a US trading population and graduate to global or international use case. And therefore you have an easy easy bucket of getting on on board with finance. Us first and then being able to launch on a larger scale finance global. We were playing catchup right now. Given we started with zero assets and now we're launched over thirty plus Going through and evaluating each one of them through our template approach of the Digital Asset Risk Assessment Framework Catering to be aware that these projects need to have longevity inside of the United States and needs to be focused on developing something. Such where it's it's beneficial to a US trader And that's that's really where I think projects adopted ask like how do I get in touch? How do I get listed etc? I consciously tell them be so loud in large inside of the United States that I have to list you like I want. I want to know that the demand is really here. If you're building in the shadows and trying to get international adoption I than you get my attention and if anything it you're probably the riskiest person to ask right so It's one thing to get listed overseas but because the hurdle is that much higher on the US the asset you know needs to be so good you can ignore right to paraphrase ray and so would you can ignore it. But we're we're seeing great. I mean Hester. Fierce basically was giving the olive branch to these projects hoping to get majority opinion on it but Just the idea of of giving us a grace period before things are able to be superior on on on where they stand. I think it's a great idea. You think about all these projects and in that kind of realm of is it decentralized secure and scalable with three sorry than than Venue really you have to focus on one or two in order to get adoption and then you can focus on three. But that's that's really where I think we're able to have an opportunity for people that are beginning to trade are together. Us audience and working for more open in listening. So much of the conversation in that gray area has to do with governance and control right both from the technical standpoint from a network security and financial incentive standpoint by NANCE's rollouts taking services. They've pretty quickly become popular. Because at least at first I know you are offering staking for zero fees. That have you changed? That contractor announced soaps senator and that has had a natural effect to accrue more assets under management right and a greater degree of centralization particularly for some of these mistakes systems if one of the primary gating items to a given project being viewed not security are being viewed as as decentralized and actually useful if that's so important from a regulatory perspective and from Community Development Perspective. How do you think about the finances role in providing governance tools and user tools to actually cast actively participate in these networks versus just turning financing to approximate? This I think was the issue with steam from a couple of weeks ago. It's highly relevant. Maybe not as as relevant financial us by you think about that as a precursor of things to come at least I definitely think it's pivoted my approach to how we're going to be able to provide that and if that is something that is demanded by our users or users purely looking for a venue to which they can allocate those responsibilities in there for return get one hundred percent of staking rewards and that is that is something that we were building out in in in consciously deciding People live on top of a platform. Where you can get your you know your pool of staking rewards so we're interested you know we're engaged to see his is governed something that people want on top of an easy access for it or are they willing to not go for pooled asset for larger larger. Return on that. I think that we're seeing how staking a changing the idea of where people are getting involved in digital assets and you're right is the attraction factor the awards in the yielders attraction factor that you have governance and votes in any chance to really be a individual player in it and if that's the case then we need to build out a system that allows for that. I. I certainly think it's probably mostly about and mostly about you know earning for most users. Even people will dispute that for you know lawyerly reasons. The bigger question is. How do you prevent finance from becoming the defacto owner of some of these networks if most of the liquidity is on finance in his actually being custody and staked on behalf of huge? And I'm certainly not the first person. That's that's brought this up at the extreme affleck if finance is ubiquitous in terms of its availability for the most liquid platform for some of these trading payers in many cases if it's the platform on which these different teams launched may be through the launch pad. What are the what are the risks there or at what point do you stop supporting? A certain percentage of assets Has Play or or how you thought through that challenge. Now I I see what you're saying there and it really comes down to the fact that we don't we don't Wanna be your you know the the largest player now the biggest seat at the table Were really just a venue for which we can facilitate this to take place and so I think whether CC myself kind of view it in a way that were really here is your marketplace. We're not here as your decision maker on on top of the government. So we'll have to consciously break down and see what makes sense for it and where that can be reallocated to the proper proper use or have a voting system on our side that it can be electro college before how we would be voting if it comes down to the place but I certainly stand that we're mostly the vessel to which were allowing buyers and sellers to meet in the market and at the Air Corps. Were matching engine. Not at not a fist at the table. So will would you create a proxy service or? Is that something you actively think needs to be removed from some of the responsibilities? I think that's something we have to think about. Beginning to see more staking coins come through regaining to staking actually pick up an induction. We're beginning to see those bulls get larger so this is something we have to actively take place especially following the events that you think that makes sense and some of these are good problems to have. Most of them are good problems to have. Both problems are are you know I always reinforce with our team anytime. There's frustration sculptured learning. So it's a you know. Friction is teaching us. How we're actually growing in the elements to which you see crypto breaking things or or having new new issues it allows for not only scar tissue to strengthen that area but us to really advance where we're going in with staking bringing up these questions and curiosities. You're going to see new government's models built out this kind of sits at the intersection with something that you brought up in the very beginning which I wanted to come back to where we're GONNA have a chance to you mentioned in a visual auditory and experiential learners right right or someone astrolger sleeves get deep into a problem. Actually grapple with it and think about solutions is that part of the cultural DNA of finance or is that just kinda unique to you is. Is that something you screened for because things moves so insanely fast? It appears at all levels of finance because yeah I'd definitely say it's. I'm not alone in in meeting to to do that. But there's something more than this comes at the core of each person it works on every project. And it's that they are consciously aware of how it's used and and well in tuned with the user itself so we've everyone has been a person seeking out to find a better infrastructure component and therefore able to build it within by. Nance so instead of people saying know what are the focus groups? Say this. I'm going. I'm your end user like I'm on my phone all day I want. I want this feature. I want this feature. We don't have to pay a consulting services to tell us what the audience should really be demanding when all of us are largely the using population We see going forward and I have a big screen on mine is can. My team put themselves in other people's shoes and is that a way that we can quickly see how it's going to be affecting a different type of user and then course correct if we've built burdensome and so that's that's the helpful part the other part is you know were building building a team in. Cici's built a fantastic team that is so you know able to to be. Independent and bills were consciously accountable for our own actions. Because we're all striving for a larger goal. So the idea of decentralisation. They've got over four hundred people working in forty countries or kind of the anomaly of having an office here in San Francisco also have an office in DC That's a bit of decentralisation there but we work in that way because right now we're just a nucleus of core components that we need that doesn't stop us from being able to build and bring talent from around the around the US. Yeah the decentralized approach sounds good when you have a global organization but it doesn't really work trying to fill the US regulated anyway so every state is needed. Not so well. We've been planning decentralized before you know around the holidays. When I sent everyone home we were fully centralized awesome largest volume days the the ability to get work done and communicate in a way. That's far more productive has helped us tremendously. Get ahead to where we need to be continued to grow into the car of the line that you see the United States so far so we've got tremendous Work ahead of us. We are only operable in thirty seven states. I hear that all the time that have newbie by Nancy the US when you only operate still the majority of the United States but working on those licenses to get operable in the states or pushing forward to increase more of our trading pairs that are demanded by our American traders. And we're continuing to make a seamless approach whether you're a beginner or the advanced whether you're a fulltime market maker a traitor so those are those are the offerings that were providing and I'm hungry to see the next generation adopted in ways that we're gonna be able to cater them to this journey rather than them conclave. Flat find themselves kind of out of last resort going to an exchange to to that and are there certain new features or or new product lines. You WanNa tease that or hint. That might be on the way. There's it seems like there's something new every week but anything that's drives a week. Sometimes we will continue to be a listing new new coins. I think that's exciting. We've rolled out our be. Usd conversion from U. S. D. C. So that's real easy with also offering pairs in USD. Say to move quickly into those assets. I think it will be seeing streamlined. Approach to how our APP is going to be interacting with our users. And that's one thing that we really hope can become less of a different experience in more second nature without you're going to be operating in the world so I look forward to advancing the usability of offit also making sure it's It's just something that becomes part and parcel. I paid for girl scout cookies today with the US data into someone. And I was like so much easier than walking down the street and finding dollars and paying them. Cookies are the one thing that I don't think anybody who's thinking about stockpiling so on you. I'm early but I think I also hired a guy he's thin. I supporting the market for his daughter for a couple of years so I have to. I have to worry about you. Know what he's trying to do in terms of her her supply and demand there but can't can't can't hate on a supportive father coli we. This is one of the beauties of working from home for those that are watching this live. I am apparently about to just operate and and be elevated into lightning coming to you. I I see that you know I. It's wonderful to see you as Djelic low right now. We're just just in time because we're right up about the hour is what are the what other features do think we're going to be able to leverage from sorry For from an exchange. Were already so grateful for the research that you guys have On each Wayne allowing for folks to really dig in and get granular understanding each token. What else do you think we're going to be able to see in terms of Something that will be productive for the whole ecosystem together. Well I generally think that we're optimistic that we're going to be able to work with you. As one of the key players in create some enforceability round some things closer sanders. We've been working on as you know. We got seventy five projects. Now that have come proactively with very little enforcement teeth to create some of these ongoing disclosures and and I think we can ultimately do with an exchange like finance not just us Global is take a lot of the pressure off of the finance research team to update the disclosures profiles can free them up to do other macro level research on one hand On the other we can track the developments. Some things that are happening on governance technical updates Forbes airdrops see the essential to the equivalent of corporate actions in the traditional legacy markets. And then you know. I think it's an open question weather. Any the exchanges should or would want to be in a situation where there are servings a proxy service if they're offering staking so I'd say those three things all of which touch on governance and Knack Massari Service less of Bloomberg more of a broad Ridge for people that are worth so and it's checks and balances for making sure that you don't become a single final failure. I think are important to As we rely more heavily on on your bridge approach. Yeah well you know. What if we're if we're part of the business community owned and operated through Adele and finance in some of the other major exchanges are key players? I think we'll have to wait and save the certainly the future that envisioned light is calling. Thank you so much. Thank you for calling all right. Everybody thank you for tuning and again until next time. This was coli Catherine one more time. What is your twitter handle? It's Crypto Coley Coley and Finance America. Checkout coli follow her and hopefully enjoyed the spirit luminated conversation as I fade to lights with calley from financial. Clockwork me with me next time these wrapped. Thanks for listening. You unqualified opinions. Go live weekdays at noon eastern time and you follow me in the meantime on twitter at two. Bit Idiots. Want to continue the conversation or trolling otherwise. I see you next week.

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Southern Charm: My Treehouse is Your Treehouse Live in Milwaukee

Watch What Crappens

1:27:33 hr | 2 years ago

Southern Charm: My Treehouse is Your Treehouse Live in Milwaukee

"Watch what happens would like to think it's premium sponsors, the bay area that is begging the slayer Taylor. Herron mcnicoll is she don't miss. No trick lists. Hot dang. It's Jessica day. Lisa Wallin's now. That's what I call Watling team. -ment. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender Auburn akilah Weber, Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good, Jamie. She has no last name. He actually survive money. She don't take noble Nonni. You don't touch the NICKY, Morgan letters, sip, some Scott with Jessica tropic what you talking about Willis. It's on a Gillis ain't nothing like Alison king Megan bird, you can't have a burger without the bird just saying, okay, Christy. Wow. Where d Dougherty Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow we go. Hi. Lo a Homer with Jeffrey Boehm or Hannah God I love that banana Anderson and are super premium patriots subscribers. Meena. Coochie coochie COO. Gee, let's get. Racy with mistakes. See Shelvin out of a cannon Anthony incredible. Edible Matthews sisters, Lulu. Simon SU soon studio. Give them how miss Noel, Kelli grant the grant master, we're all in with Julia com Lynn. Yes, we can with how Lee Caroline and Nancy season. Desisto? We love you guys. Robin. So much Robin. You know, we know a bunch of guys drove from Chicago. So we really thank you guys for making the trip to Chicago. So to pay back. We're going back to Chicago in November. Those tickets are going on sound like two weeks. So just stay tuned. Now, you know, I wait until we get on stage to start drinking soda or his death. You guys are so nice in this town Mike, God, you guys are really nice people. And I'm from Texas. I'll say hi to buck in lamppost. I don't even care. Anything and you guys your same. You are so nice here. So nice I was in the crosswalk. Today, I was walking and this Lee because, like I was being a good person and not jaywalking. I went at finally the walks on Cam on like I was walking and this other lady was walking in the opposite direction. She goes red Rover at a row her send me over. And I was like she has been waiting to do the hat all day as you probably does it every day in every crosswalk, and I was like, yes, I agree that coming from where we live, we live in Los Angeles. And so I'm always like I'm so fatty stuck in stick figures I've you guys eat here. So thank you. Yeah. Thank you. And I mean in all sincerity I was walking around all confident today. I walked two blocks. I walked teebox Starbucks and I was exhausted. And you know, immediately sweating. And everyone's like sit it down. You know, I had an omelette today and there were cheese Kurds in it. I was like love this place. Actually, the only way that it because this is my dream, you know, that everybody in LA gets like junkie K like I've been dreaming it for years. And so I'm kinda getting if my everybody but it's our Uber drivers an hour sit right behind the Uber driver. And Ben takes the leg Romy has longer legs. And so I sit right behind the driver girl. I've been they, I feel like I've given birth to two gigantic Uber driver. Like stretched out, you know, it's like stretching out machines like to chubby guys just on some little log ride, you know, they're also like so many hot guys here like. Like that Cornfed this western sort of thing I was like damn the whole world would have gay pride if they saw your gays. Yeah. Oh, happy pride, how ride Milwaukee. Be pride Milwaukee. God. This place is amazing really beautiful. Yeah. I mean I walked I just said that I just wanna say the good because it was hard. So welcome to watch our crap ins a podcast about all the crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. It's a very special day. They southern John southern jaw seven charm, the show where nothing really happens. But we have nine hundred pages of notes. Oh tie. Time. Are you wanna just start with the thing? Well, I, I'm gonna enjoy a sip of my Pabst blue ribbon. Do it. I did it. Good. Doing tinkham. Been thinking, but I love that their musical openings are hilarious. It's just judgy Cameron. Okay. It's, you know, when people have babies, and then they immediately become less of a monster because they understand what it's like to be shout upon. You know what I mean? It's like snotty people to have a baby, and then they're like, oh, I got Barth on this morning. I'll be nicer to people not Cameron, and I love it. That baby is not gonna break the bitch spirit alive and well in Cameron, you know. No. Absolutely not. She'll still judge right from the beginning. She's like, well, here's what's going on. Katherine, it's at with the old name with the name and the old man, any guards and forward like dang because you know that that's what he's saying. You know, you can hear all the southern what she's really saying underneath what she say exactly so Africa, does her little opening. We open up a with Patricia being driven somewhere. And she's, she's wearing like all these patterns and feathers. It was like just in time for gay pride. I was really appreciate that or a hobby lobby festival, or one of those I feel like there should be some gay following her around with a glue gun at all time. Probably is. And I'm not paying for your birth control Neva. So for those guys who are not up to date on southern charm. Patricia 's new her hair stylists is none other than this new lady Madison Madison look, raw, and I have to say, I don't know how it's going gonna fair on this show. You just hear that Madison reaction jeans over like sponsorship fans. I love Madison. I want Madison to date, every guy on there and cheat on five times the men on this show deserve, go Madison. Patricia is like, you know, Ma higher. I don't know this Madison. It's just not. Something's not raw. It's on the top. Just not right there on Madison's Ma. I can feel my handles at all for some reasons she's not able to concentrate. I was like, how many times does she need to give the editors the put in that video of awesome, Poland his dick? This is insane. Gordon sing person right now Madison doing. Doing. He goes back to his room. This insane. I can't believe they didn't put it in there because they put that clip everywhere else. You know. So then we get a scene of Austin, you know, he really does fit in with this cast because he can make a whole scene out of just not being able to find his phone. Yeah. And he is like he pops up from his bed. He's like. It's missing. Insane right now. Is it? Singh. It's like a dog sniffing his mouth, just moving like. You know what's bad for awesome? When he's getting the Craig at it, you know. Correct. I know Greg's like the renaissance man. Now this. Speaking of which Craig is now in his bathroom shaving. And he's like, oh. He never finishes. I need ones drive-by here, right here wants Dr gun at a time, you know, I need to wake up my brain cells. I'm like why start now? It's like I need to wake wake on my brain's. Also. He starts drinking from the water from the positive he's like. Now he's getting the Colonel Gizmo, edits. But that's so this show, they're like, look at crank. What a lazy ass drink, and from the sink, like it's like everyone in the world, you know, but southern charm now, like a mom. Drank from the faucet. Like is like debris now the producer of southern charm. You know, Patricia sitting at home watching that scene like. Sorry. I just have to get a good like Patricia nod in there. Yeah. She was the only in that first scene. Okay. So I'll be adding her commentary into every scene from that was also the same look that Patricia gave us when she sat in the front row at our Charleston show every was. Was after we said, did you like it? Larrea. So then Chelsea is at work, which is crazy because that's the only time you see that on the show like, oh, someone working. And now it's shocking. How does she slip through the cracks? So she is working and the delivery guy says up, and he's like hug on a surfboard fauria specimen ships. You know, oh, what did I write down festering because this because I'm here on the beginning, they were when they were doing last week or previously Sep was, like you to take care of this. You got to take care of this break up with that girl. Austin, you want it to fester? It's just such an odd question for shop of all people to ask. Like as word of the day, just go around saying, oh, this coffee, festered yet. I'm back. I wondering festering coffee. I've got a surfboard for festering Samp explains that now said Chelsea's like so ship said, I'm going by sore bore. Bob, her call about the surfboard haircut place. And he's like, yeah. That's what he said. Go liu. So she said, that's good service. And he's like at is I met me they fucking surfboard for somebody does that takes up the whole couch. That was just for the willow salon. Okay. Does that? So then we go over to Austin visit all those were all like quick flashes. Now, this shows settles in on Austin, he's like, on his laptop at home doing who knows what I'm porn hub thanking you can tell because he's doing he's in a hoodie. He's doing that thing. A hoodie of morning. He's like going through it, and then so Craig comes in Craig Craig's. And he comes in and also like God come in like a freight train. Yeah, I'm being really active in productive today. Save and low worldwide pillow at that time. Right. You sound thing. And this is obviously the day after they were coked out of their minds calling Austin or calling that girl from that bar. Because they're both, you know, we all recognize that look. Yeah. I know you all do come on now. It's like you're just like your face was like this, it looks like you know, you're a dead person on TV show. That's been in a lake for a week or whatever you're like no. No. Relationship ro. Also. I mean, I feel like we should I feel like it's very important for those people who do not watch lawsuits episode that we recreate what was life for chef. But to console Austin. It gets better. And just like. No tears are crying. But his mouth is sobbing like. Never gotten so much enjoyment from someone's mouth, and I will say that on pride, you know. And I've tried so Craig is like a crack is like, yeah, I just wanna to be good friend. So. I wanted to get you something. They didn't have pride on the menu. So I just got you. And then also like to thank you. This is the best thing you've ever done for me. And then we get to see Austin eat, okay, you read this is what also was like eating breakfast sandwich. Okay. Ready to go? Got. Like so disgusting. Count with men on the. Ben wanted to actually get a burrito, I was gonna do. I was like, I'm going to commit to. Yeah. That's dedication, Arquette everywhere. I'm a closet eater. Okay. I pretend I don't eat in public. I'm like, no, no, no. It's genetic. It's genetic it's not from eating. It's not from eating God hates me. It's not for me. So awesome. Like a little worried that he's maybe overreacted about Madison's Deums to Danny is boyfriend, gentry, and Craig is like do. I think she's a man eater like. She will literally eat your flash scary, dude. Your girlfriend had our friend tech some guy because she's so good at not getting caught obviously not, because that's like the whole plot of the so, you know, and also like bro. Here's the thing, I think, bro. Am I overreacting like no God? No, you're not sure. Because I still want to be like. No. And he goes, Hoste goes, she's only like three boyfriends, bro. And he's like, yeah. Three boyfriends. Because the other ones didn't respond on Instagram. And Austin's like I'm just like really like you know, I I loved her, and then she did that, you know, I'm just like, really embarrassing Paiva, and Craig just sitting there on the chair, just like laughing goes, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at the whole layer already that is girls. I'm like. No one knows what girls are taking girls are crazy, right? Girls be like D M ING. You're drinking Bud Light at eleven. AM Wayfair chair. So they battling minister craze, like no people suck, which, you know, credit lease is like aware of the world, you know, and also like but I'm sad and Craig's, like bro, zero my Cutty that. We should watch frozen. That's what I do. And I'm sad. Cuts are Craig's during at an actual ice cube. God, this movie is so good. Craig dancing around his living room to frozen lad. If I were no man Lada. I don't know Craig wrong musical, do you want to build this? I was asleep in the middle of every song, I was going to build a snow man. I got halfway through. And I was like it was a lot of work, but I wanted to the Bahamas and I'm like back and ready to finish my snowman. I like that. Awesome is like. As much as a I mean to say it. It's over. I'm like you're not fucking Luke and Laura. Okay. Like no one cares goes clearly, she doesn't just clearly. She doesn't care. I have my brain doing this to me when I'm talking about austerity wanting you. It's weird legs. Like. He's basically like clearly she didn't care about me as much as I cared about her. I'm like, or you cheated. Come on this southern charm that was barely a blip. Yeah. Has he been arrested for selling cocaine in office, yet, he's got away to go? Okay. This is southern charm. I think I wiped my sweat on your, thanks are there you. You're welcome. Oh, god. My team towels up here for people who can't see. Okay. So let's see so next on the willow. Steph comes in, and, you know, because the check comes in so much to get a haircut, but he never really gets anything taken off, which is have you noticed? How many haircuts he gets on this show? He's on there like every other week getting. Sunau now the ringer is like gorge Gore's, every time he walks in the room like every time scissor into his hair, it's going to be like slime or just coming out. So just go deliver. You do. He's like I had to get a seven four. I'm a fat old guy now score. Gar. So they're talking about this whole DM situation with Madison cetera and Charles so fleeing the. And Jeff goes no, I'm not Nancy drew or something. Nancy, drew Madison's, not going to be cutting, my hair after the way she betrayed my friend guards. That is weird that he brought up Nancy drew. I mean, can't you even go to, like Jessica Fletcher? I mean, this is a little more recent Jesus. I'll never know what's in the clock tower. Chelsea because like you don't have to wash. My hair corner. I already wash it before. I came. Okay. And chelsea. Okay. We'll now watch out dismount feel funny. She gets a spray thing, sprays it. And that's like casinos. He's lying. You know. Please. That water water on your head, please? Tell your loss, it's about to rain a little bit. Thank you. So she's like your Allston so upset by message still, but he's not too upset to have through. So owner chefs like ours. Oh, yeah. And then we get this. Glad we've never seen it before. This is amazing that they showed this. Jerus- seeing what? Oh. When you know, you're on Instagram, you know, he sees that phone. He's like, come on. You can do get bigger budding that assume now. So close. She could've walked away after that. No one would've, plame or about how can you be so upset over news. When you been chained. She decided to make it work. And that's the difference is he has a penis. Okay. That's what makes the difference now as I have one to I would like to keep that fluid throughout my life as well. You know, just that might take excuse me for anything, you know, get pulled over I have a penis. So Chelsea goes. You know what you get what you give and shut goes. Okay. Go on Mike chef that was it. I don't think it needs further elaboration every Christmas every gift. Step up for Christmas is like a herpes sore or like. One of those little syphilis bugs they wanted to billboard so West Hollywood zip police back, and it's like this cute. Little worm possibly a worm spider. I know they make them so warm and fuzzy where can I get one of those mom? Has a little hat American flag on it. So. Like if you want a girl who cheat on you don't cheat all the person you're with do better. And you'll be better you'll find bad or. And know. Well, I mean that's true. Threesome was forever ago. How four months ago? That was before the current season of American idol got our. You shouldn't rake. Someone over the coals for the who'll lie gore. That's true. But you can at least make them over the coals for like a quarter. Kohl's so steps like cost, you're the only person he's you're the only person he's ever dated two MC's like we'll, we'll all her from Madison. I was like, oh, yes. Madison is coming into play ball. Now, Madison's been on TV for like all three seconds tire season. And she's like dominated everything. Yeah. So, well, what I heard from Addison, who talk shit by me, and she hits screen shots of it, and she showed it to me, and I was like, Madison. Apparently, awesome was saying that Chelsea lives, a fake life, just for Instagram says the guy who has a beer company. How wasn't cool of her? Seems like yeah. Both any anyway. All she does lead some fake mop on Instagram steps like jeez. So you've had it up to here haunts, like, yeah. She goes well on never mentioned Austin, a mop boyfriend. Oh. Peter, right. Dome say my boyfriend Lionel that's not right. My more for my boyfriend from Canada Rolandas all from south park my boyfriend foam the Peter, Peter up for God, but I got a boy from from Canada. I'm never never mentioned him to, to that guy. So it was to me the Allston is Mitch go room. And then his girlfriend till six who are just growing does anybody else left Chelsea this year. I. I love her. I've never really I I'm going to be honest like the first this, I think our third season and the first two maybe it's fourth, I don't know. But up until this point, I was like, well, Chelsea's bind, but she's like never great. But this season every time she's on I'm just like loving her. She's learned very Cheryl has a house to pay off now. She's going to stir as much shit as possible. You know. Yeah, that's the secret of hair. Just get the Bravo, stars at debt and Okasha shit forever. Yeah. Well, she's not stuck in Austin jail, you know, like she was stuck like tied to his storyline for Jews seasons. So now you can finally be a free day been really dated. I don't think they really day they oh, I don't think they know they don't seem like it because she doesn't seem grossed out enough by when she sees like when she sees them. She's just like. Just like like data someone that you have to see it when you're. Your insides. Doesn't do that. Yeah. Group. Yeah, she looked. She looked at him like a like a. Like a banana in your kitchen like, oh, cool. Skidding spotty. Yeah. A little flies around. It might be time to go like damn like do I keep this banana or do I see? No. Okay. So now we go to Cameron's house where mother heard his hard, which it is. By the way, I say that as someone who is not a mothering as I was looking to where I was on my notes, because I still had five pages on that scene. And then she snapped his here. Okay. This is Cameron with the baby. Okay. That's looking slight fuck is this thing. Stop crying whalers. The where's the off button on this thing. Pissed into spa. That's not why. I need to stay there while mama works. I love it. You just puts her baby in a cage, she's like now have fun on your little cage, right there. Be quiet. Be quiet drink. But this Tito's in their you'd be quiet story of Ron his life works for Jason. I'm how reenact knows my childhood. I was a very autobiographical moments. Thank you. I didn't get bottles of Tito's. It's just my tooth. Always my mom would be like district to still hurt Heine here. Just drink this new drink. I don't remember what it was with some kind of Brown liquor was that. Brand. You see take her children away. They're about. Found her. That was my social services trick question for you suck. They did though. I mean that's why you grow up craving certain things, you know. Virginia slims. They need like sometimes I'll still crave that set you know, so cameras doing that whole story arc thing I feel like we saw something recently. I don't remember what it was where, like the ark for the season is going to be like, I have to give up control and hire a nanny about hybrid. Oh, that was actually that was actually brandy on Dallas. Who had that story again? That's like Randy. Tau but I'm like you need the bay for some God, damn how it's not like everybody else is sitting around my being too, so that they won't just accept Anani. Hugh bid likes me, so mad, not that you're getting help just be honest. You know, if this was me, I'd be like fact if baby I'm getting the nanny. So. Now, we go over to Chelsea's house. So all the girls are now starting to pack go on, on treehouse trip. Okay. So, so Chelsea calls up, Catherine, and it's like leave a message after the earn. Term. Charleston. Going to go on a trip with you offline but I don't know where to. Talk to you later. So then they always in her house with her dog in a closet. What am I? Right. The sit down who cares. Like literally nothing up there like. That's other than charm is just like you said through, like fifteen minutes of like Monday, then some crazy stuff happens. It's not even just like taking notes, and then this happens. And you're still taking that this is taking us Naomi sits in a. Me sits in a closet with or was it a dog, she was with rewind rewind rewind? It's like five hours later, I have nails. Oh, I have nails closet phone, Danny. I, I care. I care. He's talking with Danny, and there's like Dami. Is it a tizzy this episode because she's been trying to call Catherine for the past two days in cattle does not respond? And she's again, I'm like, yes, she was literally in Miami. You're correct. Yes. That's like the most culture there. So is ever had by the way saying. So she's like, don't guy. I like the worst thing to happen to these girls is for Catherine not to call them back. It's like the biggest drama remember last year. They're like what happened to counter it up in texting for three days, she didn't kick me back. She sleeping probably okay? Maybe she's online shopping or like masturbating listen, I texted your ass back either, and I'm currently not addicted to anything. Katherine probably trolls, all these girls without little gift of the like typing message thing. We like, oh, they're typing on demand. Twenty four hours later like fucking bitch. It's just to get. Because, you know, when you have that friend who's like always uses the series thing to text where it's like they can't just write it. Because if you have to ride, it, you're like I at store tanks. C. U L, eight are, you know, if you have to ride it, but then if you use Siri like whoa here, I walking down the street what a beautiful day it is. Isn't it God of the sun? So I was wondering about this girl's trip are gonna take law girls trips on being a girl, Tamara, you know, and then you get a tax, it's like a buck and long. It's like as long as your arm from this friend. And then you just don't wanna read the tax. How do you like fuck her? You know, taking my time with Siri, like Syrian reading this to me. I still have to actually read the fucking Danny texts like that. I'm telling you. I'm telling you, I love, I love the text. You know, wall of text and then Catherine's like now. I just love that. You're dictation voices, countless luanne. Oh, would you believe it? Oh, I was at my cab. We're still going on that trip to my roundhouse. I'm the. I just want to know what's a pack. I'll be wearing Giovanni. Johny new song coming spring twenties. Fuelling Giovanni, God. I can't wait for that one. And by the way, as long as we have a captive audience thought those rumors that Ramona Luana on the job, and blah buck, those rumors welcome. Your bad, bad room spread rumors like that. Well, no, no. They want to get rid of me. What if the get rid of me, the also get rid of my best friend slash daughter Avery? Okay. It's like ground zero for who old people have fought, you know, like you have to keep that trifecta of Ramona luanne and Sonia, just keep up the whole mandate, New York. Oh my. Oh, god. We don't mess with it. I know people are mad Lou and the season 'cause you'd being crazy, but just go with it. Bravo, don't do not do not take us down this path. Okay. So the point is Naomi is in her closet with her dog. That's the point. So now I'm just trying to figure out a pot for this trip. And Dan, he's like, what I've been trying to get in touch with Catherine for like two days, and I was actually just in the process of texting or right now. Thank Catherine, please. Don't you already said that. I'm sorry. Redoing redoing, it sorry either way it just hit me. So then we got that clip of last year, their wellness check when they actually went to her house. And we're like. We're only here because we care also the camera crew cares. The grip guy. If my if you think I'm on drugs, and you come knocking at my door with a camera crew. Get ready to fucking die. Okay. I'm from Texas. You don't know what I have in my closet, and I'll use it. I'd be nicer to a burglar, I'd be like are you hungry? You must be hungry. If you're burglary my poor ass come in just come in. But if you try and catch me on a drug drug-fuelled state, you're going to die telling you about right now. The truth. The sad though, is that I am so, Danny, and this Jewish. She's not texting back this this, I mean, I just talk with her about three years ago, I can't believe that. And I'm Katherine I'm like arm. I think was this Danny's first. This one little ERM at your forehead. In gun God. Double-barreled Irmgard, don't ERM. Adopt falls from the sky. Those powerful. It's time for commercial. It's time for crap in calmer show. Very important question alert have you watched that flexes always be my maybe yet it's written by and stars comedian Ali Wong and fresh off the boats? Randall park. They play childhood friends, Sasha Marcus, who everyone assumed wind up together, except for them after having a falling out and not speaking for fifteen years, Sasha, now, a celebrity chef in Los Angeles. And we love that, she's though, celebrity show returns to her hometown to San Francisco to open a new restaurant and runs into old, pal. Marcus a happily complacent musician, still living at home, working for his dad. So while Sasha, Marcus are reluctant to reconnect they soon discover that owed spa, and maybe some new on still exists through twists and turns ups and downs and even date with Keanu Reeves always be my maybe as a wrong com, we can all get behind. We could leave funny and sweet but not too sweet. You will fall in love with this bell. Get a box of tissues, and get ready to laugh cry and maybe your pants. A little bit watch always be my maybe now on Netflix, or in select theatres this film is rated PG thirteen. Anyway. Danny's using your mind and I think I could be wrong but I think this was Danny's I ever like interview on, right? All are weird. She was so nervous. She was like lily dot com, troubles because she was like doing her first interview and talking shit at the same time. So she was like, I think it's hard for a lot of people to be friends with Katherine, she really doesn't older self accountable and what? Much. It's just communicate. Don't hurt me can't see was cute. But she put herself there, so I have to make fun of her. Okay. So, you know, when people get really nervous and they get that one either that starts crossing. That's what she was very choose. Like, well, it's really hard to be friends with Katherine, because like she has all this. She's like, we just we just need to know if we need to pack, hugs, or stilettos. It's very simple. It's. It's simple. It's so God. So brain is explosive. And so then Chelsea calls Cam about the trip and camps. Like are you ready? Get me the fuck away from this month. Was like, well, even no words both her from Cairo through. I don't know. I suppose to be paying each other's going hone. Like those are the only options. Treehouse. So now, it's like eight hours later, Don Don, Don. And you just see Catholic walking up to her apartment her, like ten story apartment. She's like. Oh shit. There's L the music. Like. On thrown off. It's like I'm thinking, Catherine, it's going to be showing, like suiting up in a corner. You know. Like all amount nervous. Like just like you know, dead in the driveway. The made the music is on Catherine's just like, oh, guess, I'll check. Male. She goes. Lost orange and white Persian cat. I'm like, that's Colonel. Bo. But slave. They've actually sipped Gizmo from net Naomi's office from it was himself. Gizmo was like took like a little stamp. Now, you better get the heck outta here that dismal got a promotion. Gizmo's now Shannon but door. Now this. What? So much bad. Thanks so much attention to me in an office sitting up. Forty to fifty negative vaults in this box right now. I'm just here, lies gives them all the cat killed by David. I love cow, thrones reacts into sing mount flyer. 'cause he's like orange and white Persian cat. Oh, my Lord never heard of. Missing cats. A so then just gets on her bed as like earned. I'm just going to check check up on my tax the past mom, which is like smiling, all happy because there from Joe or new boyfriend. Like just Bard. He's so cute. Arrested. I are all. So, Dan, they calls up and she's like what the French Catherine. What the French toast? Have you been? While I was in Miami or person cat laws. Through so out to lunch. Just like just so happy to be on a bed in this borrowed house. Where did this house come from? By the way. I don't. Yeah. So why don't we have friends like that? Our friends are Francois bore. I want a four storey house. I know that we can podcast from. We're like we're helping you sell your mansion by podcasting from it. I don't know what is all about. So that's okay. Thank you. Oh, we still on for tomorrow, but going. And Kevin's like, please tell me you're not making this into a big fucking deal, like, no, no. Of course not. Different. Nobody. The city burning down on down. So Catherine goes. I made berry concrete plan clip of gap thread. We see she's talking on her phone flashback of her in the when she's driving literally like this. This during Leila's here. And our hands are back here holding the stereotype. What are we going to like the oak tree, tree or? Garden trees of doing the coloring day, like in, like four or eight days out on. Oh, there was a little Orange County just drove over. But. Whoa. My props my litter slippery. I'm just littered slipped on my. So if issues. So she's like we're going to tree houses call bold or a bowl or something like that. I think it's a tree house or a house with the tree. I forget, I don't think we're gonna drive there. I don't know the cabin in the woods or might be a hotel in the city. I don't remember. She goes, I'll keep you updated. So then it cuts back. And he's like you said. Was like, look if you're asking me to pack or where to go. I mean come on, come on. Look on Google at our pantries data. Yes. Vacation, those faces remakes. She's like, just Google it or petrous debt. Katherine basis. That's the saddest thing about having an audio podcast, not being able to do Catherine faces. I know and also Catherine just found Pinterest like last week 'cause she talks about Pinterest press, this whole, let's all she says now she's like I do golden Pinterest. So now finally, the day of the girls trip guidance like looking over her Rolls, Royce paperwork, which, I don't, I don't even know about this world, ROY. I support it but I'm very confused by it. It's better than when Gretchen and Slade. Got a Rolls, Royce. Okay. When Gretchen Jones, laid got their, their Rolls, Royce. Oh, yeah. Well, no. Because Gretchen is Slade. You know, that was just for like an auto bump from some guy who was like I'll give you a rolls roles if you put me on county, and then the second day left Orange County probably took it, right. So they still have that I don't know. They have like a like a horse and wagon now. Yeah. But this one is a two thousand eleven yeah. And it's still like a hundred it's a hundred and twenty six thousand two hundred fifty eight dollars and fifty cents. Prices, right? Girl, you get a baby for cheaper than that, so Catherine just sitting in our kitchen, and then so begins like my favorite like ongoing joke or the episode, which is just think they're always on. You're like. Oh. And the music is I don't, don't. It's like the conjurer. She's a. And Cameron is I and you know cameras that French you don't ever want to be the first one to the party but she always is because he walks on my God. But a gorgeous place how much you say it's how many floors is to get the deal who's paying for that. Is that dishwasher to your best it very much here? Well, I bet you won't get that knocker fix. It looks like someone needs a coast or the oh a drink in something. I'm mother of children. Four floors of stairs. What's the is this a potholder now? Oh, it's just a lost cat thing. Okay. So cameras, just like I've learned over the years that with Catherine. You just let her do what she wants him and eventually return. They do. It's like the ghost of Thomas Ravin out. Drove on the Nari who. Heard you've been bond some roles Ross is with my Mona and while you all stay ended light. That is mom. Bu. And if it is Thomas is money that she's using then go by five Rolls, Royce. But does he have that much to just by Rolls, Royce? In twenty eleven I guess he does his family has a bridge a bridge girl. We've seen those bridges, they could fall. Just look unstable. They got that old money like that money that, like, hey money, isn't it more? You know, like when our grandparents were little they were like five dollars a week and about a house. Well, either way, so Niamey walks in. And. Niamey's like already you in a mood which I love Niamey one. She's in the mood, you know, because she's like me when I'm hungry. You know, so she's like, you know, like being friends with Katherine just means bone show or texting and like knock getting tax back making plans knowing that's just not going to be there. Yeah. I'm going to rip into her. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to happen. It's going to happen. You know, it's probably not gonna show if you bite her somewhere. So I'm just like arm. Slings. So what was that? What's that noise? So I was like what you're saying that about. Own. Do you like my invitation myself like two seconds later? Cameras like so just Thomas half the kids. And no, I do cameras, like we are. When my act by just put them in the dishwasher until I come home, I told them to run around the neighborhood and find that cat. That's gone missing. Once in the washer once in the dry, they're not turned on. So she's like, yeah. There with my mom and then. Just oh you live in. Oh, it moved move live so lower captain. Is. So then Tammy comes Anna high. Just here to be happy with me in front with me at all about Madam. Anybody? Right debate here. I'm so happy down go wrong. Mom, did nothing is worrying. So they all go. They all hop into do a g wagon cameras g wagon and they're driving off to the tree house thing. And now it's time to make some banter, so Cameron Cameron has some like gummy bears, a gnome his like did you know that some people? Put gummy bears up there, but. But. Soon. Is that true? I've never heard of people, but in gummy bears up there, but, and I listened to them savage for like six months and trust me, if there is something to be up your but I know about it because Navid talks about everything where do you keep your stapler up your but some people find it sexually stimulating. It's great. Well, not Cameron. She's like I don't understand why anybody puts anything up there, but and that includes a Wayne or all the girls like yeah. No totally totally totally. Got throws just quiet. Chelsea's humo people to got the whole birds. Kuttan to correct trying to sit on a keg. Work expand. Like on his head. He's like that. Eight. Building ice castles out of his fingers with beer. So tell people up there, but yeah. It's called chugging. Or plans? Danny's like gross in the EMMY goes, you can look it up. No doubt looking. I think you'll never see that, okay? So then damage like wet red sorry. Beer up your are not getting text back from our friend timely passing segue, real smooth. Just getting. But you saw it on our base, though. That's gross. I'll tell you what gross thinking your friend might be devastated. A road in Miami. That's growth. That's real gross. I'm wearing on one foot in the Leto on the other. That's gross. I had to make an executive decision. What's wrong? So they're like, so Catherine. How's your trip create? I've really come on, really like there's a lot of attention. Might move to Charleston. I dunno. So, like I really like him and Chelsea. Long. Two and cameras like, well if you get married seeking a move here or what and you're gonna put dog doors on those. Stairs, your children to tell their dead. Have you ever heard of swiffer sweeper? They also make which you came things where okay in the spun girls, tree up. So there until us this is the first time. She's really felt like giddy and excited about someone since Thomas. And then it just like her in the confessional, or the interview that you just like. Yeah. Just big long. It was a tool. Okay. I know the safes on every device in my house, she goes. And I really enjoy the fact that he wanted Senate seat because it was a little bit of fuck. You tell me. Try. They make it sound like nice and romantic. She's like, well, he's retiring to the public sector into this law firm. That's Florida, and they might open up an awesome in Charleston. And then but while she's saying about, they're putting up all these clips. He beat his wife. Peanuts is growing from his us FOX in public. It's like then they then they showed the video of awesome, again going during scene scene. So now now we go over to area hall. No relations amount every laws all you, Pennsylvania people. This is the lime house plantation. Now, I just have a few notes, like few, I feel like if you are a family that's been around for generations upon generations on generations, and Charleston. Maybe don't call it the plantation anymore called the estate. Well, what are you gonna call it? Airy fun field. The good times rants, I'm just like you can call it the plenty more than. So anyway, so we're at the lime houses and allies gets out of our car, brother chases there. What's his name on it, right? Let me tell you let me give you lay of the land. There's her brother chase her father chip and their dog strong. Strong. Yeah. Strong. If you don't know what the strums dance, Strom Thurmond. Yeah. I feel like I'm on Texas. Con my finally new one question right for my. Watch that I'm sorry. Let me just say, one texicana thing, there's this girl, I m ANSI, right southern who's taking your citizen, citizenship test. I'm not going to last this test. Because Trump hates me because. About it, but I keep asking questions. And she doesn't know the answer to any of them. But I don't either. I watch it, and I'm like this isn't fair. I should not be a citizen either kicked me out. I know nothing. Okay. So LIZA shows up and light Strom. It's a lotta shows up and her brother and her dad or dressing, like lock gone vase this and all that stuff. Like I didn't get the memo the English countryside. Dress up Tom and they're like Weedon good. The memo that it was Kish address up. Tom. What happens with straight bride? Okay. This is what happens. North based in Kesse come to coming to Austin, so allies like this is the happiest place on earth, every plantation. That's where I grew up my horses. Are there my Pillow's there every single holidays there? It's home. That's where the heart is. I've never had to lift up anger. So, yeah. So it's just talking about how like our dad, your idol and everything. But guess what he? Huda thought on this show talker. Yeah. To who knew cheat or shooting chip, you can see the headlines now tweeting chip. And the dad's like you know what a rib live. She's like, yes. No. I don't. I don't care, so. They're all scarred. And this is the scene where we're really supposed to feel for lies. But maybe they should start with scenes. This also not taking place on a plantation. A little too late for weeks in guys. She tells tells a crazy story about how she's supposed to go to the Bahamas with her boyfriend, Don and Don forgot his passport. So they were like told their, their friend who had the private plane just go on without us. And then the plane actually crashed and the people on a died, so she sort of skirted death etcetera. And I was like, oh my God. This is like final destination, but I'm just imagining deaths showing up and seeing this cast I mean like. I'm gonna go. Can you can follow through with whatever was supposed to kill them in the first place? They're supposed to be on this plane. But they forgot their passport. We're going to run over over with that car, but they were late to work, you know. They're just too lazy to get killed that listen. I tried when Craig butter knife for the wall. I tried my best. Sorry. Now I have archaic is. But, you know how whenever someone on a reality shows like I prayed to Jesus at this would be okay. And everyone's like God doesn't watch Bravo this proves that he does. We're not killing allies yet. I just cast her on the. We can't all the Bill just. Trip for Barbara to the Bahamas, you know. Rude guys, not me saying that, that was God. It's too soon up early. Okay. So now it's the girls after Leah Jew said, I would never say such a thing. Now at the girls. Fred. I love when I catch running off guard. If I could just like sneak one middle Billick you're just trying to see if I'm paying ten to men at. So thank God allies. Still with us. This is getting real dark. So now we go to the girls trip, where they go to the bolt farm tree houses, and I have a bone to pick with this place because it's a me or none of those tree houses in trees. They are right. Just houses on stilts because I watched house, hundreds international, and I saw the episode with that couple went down to like Peru or something. And they gotta tree house with a tree right in the middle a ring and there were off the grid. Those. Is still, I think I put it in my brain that I saw them on trees. I mean, maybe if you see a tree that once the tree. You guys. That's crazy, how I can make my memory, just remember things, you know, 'cause I was like, it's a tree house. So it was in the tree literally SOX. 'cause in my brain, I see it on the tree. This is what I love doing the live shows because the be able to, like rally crowd around. There was no tree, and the tree house. Everyone's like you're right. I'm like, yes, I feel her. You've got backup. So, so they're showing Chelsea's off. You lock on to Rome with prince of foods. Goes I was gonna say, Blair witch project. Which about a girl who doesn't call you back where witch project a story of this girl who just stood mcwhorter wouldn't answer her texts. Is it me or is like the Blair witch project, totally something that correct we do? Like I heard there's like a witch in the trees near Baltimore. So let's go. Hey guys, I threw away. The maps are. Guys wanna sink frozen. Like coming from out for them. He would just go right up to the Blair witch standing in a corner. And being like why they do it takes dad's. He just walks that Blair witch house. He like walks in door opens awesome be like this is insane. Which in the sing. The virus doesn't even kill on because he's sick looking at his dick seen on the show. The Blair witch is the gentry like, hey, saw your pack. Blair from Baltimore. Craig's like can I say that you're my girlfriend I make new? Patricia next ball. My new girlfriend. Well, it's all right. We already had the Blair witch on the show and her name was Ashley. Can't just retired or her normal life. Si chelsea. You're just donor. Oh, yeah. Cameras, like just saying no one would hear a screen, including my baby. Thank god. I'll stay here forever. I don't care take my lambs take me to the woods are their babies their I'm in. So then we go we meet the owners of this tree house place. Seth Tori bowl who look like they're like nineties, grunge band. Like let's move onto a new chapter in our lives. I wrote lesbians, we've never seen that on this. So I really did. They were lives. So it's like I'm so proud of this show for moving forward. Step by step by China. Good for them. It wasn't. It was a guy. Yeah. Seth. I'm toria bolts ferrying? So they are going into these treeless tree houses that are Catherine's like, oh my God around bed. This has been my dream ever since MTV cribs. Michael jordan. And if only she knew about around house, on my right everyone, then you're really living. And then they'll go onto the vineyard and Catherine goes, I don't even know what have been your is to be honest, a place just drinking weekend, how that, well, you know, speaking of New York, what I loved was this moment here because Cameron, and Chelsea now on their tree house, and their point themselves why they can't go. Is it rude to drink around Katherine and Chelsea's? Well, it's idea to go to vineyard and we're not getting, you know, we're all going to hammer whatever but like straight fear. Damn baby here called the ring. No God damn baby here. How about that? I just love the contrast of camera being like, sweet drink around Katherine to then, like on New York words like oh, I'm so fuck Lewis. Those New York, but just do not care. Taking off their cert fuck in the guy putting away their sues. So sad. 'cause it's true. So. Yeah cameras, like I'm getting towing. So then we go over to Danny, and Naomi and Catherine, and they're like, are you ready to go to dinner and dance ready to go? I'm looking for a better shirt, y'all go ahead. If you she's on like this, in our lions for sure. You guys can go. Mab. Like, oh, it's like we're out of dole adult summer camp. But it's a dolt fall camp. I was like ridden bug. Greg. So they're working each other out. Danny Naomi, Danny the way that she's like, I just don't know. And then he's like she's actually been kind of normal. I know. But I'm getting mad. So then we go to Kaman Southie who are like the perfect people to stay together, you know, 'cause Chelsea's like redoing tile in the bathroom and cameras. Jiffy Sybase importing a tree to put in the tree house. So, yeah, they're hanging out and basically, they're going to go now to vineyard for the wine tasting everything cameras. Like they're trying the drawing Roseanne Cameron's. Like I don't think I like the rose. Dan is leg? I'm already so mad at so many things we're gonna add this to my list. It's. Roseanne. So they get to the vineyard in my Meemaw, serving them, her name is her name is Rita Reuther. We are so delighted to have you. Listen here. Girls. On days like this. When it rains, we. All right. Me Vander pump just inserts. Never mind. I quit quits. Lisa manner prompts, like I would like to offer you some musket dine, but you've heard me deeply. So ladies pouring wine for them all tastes, and Catherine just pours her out because obviously, you know, she's in recovery, so she's not going to drink it. But I'm like dude, you could just say like I'm gonna drink but anyway, so wine tastings you're allowed to throw it away. Look at your little clean. I know there. That's why he's arsons breakfast was just floated off into the dark. Also the reading the writing thing in this is that must get and wind sucks. At did you notice the worst sitting there worse vineyard in the world? Everybody's like, oh delivered must get. Did Austin make this this? Like grapefruit. Let's keep thinking. That's a compliment. Yeah. They hate it. They. She's trying to be positive but she's wasted. So she's like, oh, well, you know what they taste a lot better than I smile. The Musk's the new logo from us and for better than it smells. Good. So then when the techs Catherine during doesn't like. Joe go mother mother where you at mother. Where you at mother. Just texted where you at mother seem weird. We ever told us story about the time the first time we met Patricia. So the first time I met her. So we've met at she in Witney were in LA, and so they invited us to dinner. And so we went and Katherine Katherine was there, too. So so we, we came Hct Amer like setting the bar area. And like the very first thing goes. Can you do that mother thing to witness can show? Podcast. Okay. Great mother. One us nays. Was-it Mava do a like you do it. Ronnie. I did it too. I remember being mortified like I was like, no you won't like it. And he's like. Sorry about okay. Go ahead do it. I think it's funny. I can totally take a joke. It's totally funny. I didn't take it up. So I did that come home either. Rembrandt mother. Patricia is cracking. Made some rain. And it just keep just goes worse and worse. Right. Because he's looking at us like. Not me. Nothing like me. I like to think that, that's the reason why wouldn't he and Catherine had fun that night. I'm all this talk. They said it happened in LA. They were together. So maybe it was that night. That's not the reason. Well, either Pinas was the reason being this, always the reason. So in the bible comes down the penis, telling you think about it more deeply you'll see. I'm right. Toxic masculinity. So, okay. So now we see. Coffeeshop. He's texting. He has his own keyboard. That's just. Step comes home cars high. I'm going to be that guy. Quarter, though, pumpkin spice lot. Hey. I'm just a guy standing in front of girl asking her. To make pumpkin spice law. God. Nella MLM. Sits down with Whitney wouldn't he has gotten himself, French breasts? Got the whole. I wouldn't goes goes, French press, bro. French restaurant like how wants and he gets a little coffee Cup and Whitney's like your own pop, bro. Because, you know, Whitney is like right temperature. He probably has a little pocket thing out on the edge of the pot. Could you do a couple more degrees? Thanks. Lived? They had a turf war over a French press. That's the point. So, yeah. So then the steps like that gross. Pumpkins Tito's only drinking down to the label top. It's like being married, then later if you fuck that whole thing you drunk as can be like, no but I only drink right before the labor, I didn't get. So. Anyway. So it's very sad, actually because when you dog a seconds had this thirteen years, really sad and Shep, as like I know. But don't tell me that at lunch. You know what I mean? That's, that's something you text me when my dog by that. I didn't go to lunch with people like do you want to go to lunch? Hey here we are. Mike. No, you mean text me. We are opening up old wounds on Rhonda at the moment. Getting a look into his psyche. So. So. Yeah. So it was dog dog for thirteen years. Wow. That's your longest relationship over. Excluding French press my right? Hi, five. No one high five wouldn't. He goes. I'm mother, although them my mother. I was telling mother knows my mother other than my mother other than my mother only woman who has disappointed me. Wish I could say that about Whitney. Being so mean to poor Whitney. It's fun doesn't feel good. Great foot massage so Cameron. So what was written? Doesn't even though the answer yet. That was a trick question. How many rounds? How many brands one? No. She's like. Not go in there. You know. Reno. Read all. Other. Looks. Mother. Katherine space just lying there. Like. Did he get fully news? Like he just glasses. So then back at the treehouse they get a little time to chill, which means talked shit about Catherine the tree, or if you're Chelsea, and you're gonna make welcome, only how they all walking fix ins. Guacamole your tree house, sort of Chelsea only person who comes prepared. You know, there's only on. We're going on a trip. I'm bringing America. Oh. I would have brought up. And then cap there with Dami Naomi and it, so awkward Catherine like. I never really take a chance to look at the sky. You wish on. Makes no difference where Tom. Love seeing this guy for the first time. So. Moving always moving. It's so moving. So cameron. Whatever who cares? Okay. So then made about says, anything camera doesn't that sells or I love Cameron. I really do, but I don't care about your baby shit. Like I don't care. I liked it better when she's with the baby like, if you're going to I don't wanna hear you talk about your baby. I wanna see your baby torturing. You. For me once he puts like the little baby monitor next to her computer. Like mad every time it made. It's just a video feed of Cregg ready for my feet. Matica. So Danny may what's around Catherine goes outside to look at the sky and Danny's like girl. I'm about to call her out on everything. It's a coun- ability with I couldn't no this at the time. But this is not the season to be ability over and over a guy that is a way to get on my bad side really quick. Ability. It's better ability. So Nadya Naomi's like she gets pass every time. But at what point do you just give us about your friends? Sometimes like there's mind between like a friendship. It's way streets. She's like mixing, a lot of metaphors that. Yeah. So, yeah, so she's getting all amped up the conversation to happen tonight. So she's losing her mind. So now it's finally dinnertime. So they all go to the moon, treehouse a honeymoon. Moon tree. And a lot of ladies on treehouse on lock missed a miss a dossier had several felony counts. So the honeymoon tree house, the lights go off, when you snap in the door, only opens if the man has the combination. So. Chelsea's. Logan, the caretaker so up. And he's like. Hi. He's like terrified because he knows it's Bravo show, kind of what's because he's probably he was like, oh, Bravo's coming Glick. Of New York was on or something horrified. Nine hundred ninety nine he was expecting nice people. So just, you know, so he's like, do you want some wine, and Chelsea, you paying on war? And he goes, I got some must get dime. No. The easiest trip to stay sober on this is truly the scariest episode of all time the most. So then they so they all have to like, they're all like who's gonna like what do we say about the musket on, they're all looking at each other, and Chelsea's like? They're all like, yeah, that's great. It'd be love. We love must must dying. Do not like so then they must they are served the tiniest little silent bowls, like little bowls of the crab gig on them to, like the size of this PBR. What is happening in the house? I don't understand. You're mad at Logan city wine city little bowls. Katherine chairs being swimming. Only dating grits politicians with tons of money, because they're really cute and is okay. Cheers to women and Cameron's like tears. Oh, I haven't wonderful man, but not needing just kidding really me. Jason. Thank God for Jason Kreis. I would kill myself. And. Joan. Thank what's his name? All right. Elliot on native. So it's a cameras like the thing is that, like, you know, we've and everything it's mostly my fault, but you know what, though, you know, you can always tell you got a good man, if he doesn't say anything bad about you never puts down ever. And that's a good man. Just Katherine going. Also, the Logan brings crabcakes. He's like, here's some crab cakes and capturing goes. Just like we are the frosting. Staring at it. Like what the fuck is this? So they now like app the food has been served. You can see the, the girls are winding up to confront her, but since it's like southern charm, they do they have a long game. So they're like, so tell us about Joe which means you fucking bitch. You didn't text me. Tell me about Joe. He's, he's like a seal the into civilian like Celia says, things like, hey, baby. Hey. Dan, is like eating. Fascinate and talk about all my techs in back. Like he works out a lot. You know. So I think he's a good person. Katherine basis are good person staff guy. He says, hey, baby. He's like she does. And be works out a lot wouldn't dating just be more fun if we had that as a list. So Danny is really you could tell she's really gearing up because then she goes, okay? Well. I just want to know more about Joe I wanna know more. Okay. What else is looking at her? Like I mean, I keep calling her Nadine I'm sorry. The Naomi sitting there. Danny. I believed in you. Yeah. So ready to dump down our throats, Catherine's life. There's just something special but tween damage like what she goes, he encourages me to be proactive. Dan? Rico. Proactiv. You say. Why were you MIA this week did it did it got it nailed it? Now we're a segue. So then that music. And they do that rattle. And. I went to a charity event in New York. I miss my plane, so I went to Miami instead v with him. Be honest. How protective of you know that right? So I have to say it so much in the past two years. We're self sabotaging right now. You are self sabotaging right now. You were gone for five days, and we, we thought you'd be back on Saturday or Sunday and you're right here in Miami. Oh, me just gonna let me just like here. No. Okay. We're going to back only short as we talked about this. We we're not gonna let me do it. Okay. All right. All right. Never heard this before. I don't have a problem with it. I think we too much. Lobby online up there, so Catherine's like Joe's to go damning. Why? Because you had prior engagements. No. I didn't. Well, I'm not doing tit for tat right now. Damning is so mad. But it's like the wrong time, you know, so she's just going to go there, but fight with Katherine, Katherine just like. Dan, is like, you know, you've changed the path mom that you're, you're, you're. And I'm trying to avoid avoid and and and. And. Still nothing. I owe me okay. Okay. Like I'm feeling so. I'll tell you what's not attack. My phone with text messages from you and MRs. Anybody antibody? So Danny's, basically, like what you had to deal with so much in your live at twenty seven there's so much chaos and everything. But you never had to be accountable for, like day-to-day like being work beyond work on time. Okay. Made me when it says here at five o'clock does not mean six. You just have to deal with that. Like. I'm never hang out with you again. But also person just will never take the responsibility. So let's look at you like crazy and really I love that this whole fight is being on time. That's what they're mad at boil down to like the reason, I'm late is because I spent three years moving house to house with no structure, and dealing with serious depression. I've lived with my parents. I've gone through custody. Just don't have structure. And that's went Danny's like the rest of the world does have structure, though. Catherine. Okay. Yeah. But can I finish? Can I get there? I don't mean disrespect and like everyone else in the world as stuff, Catherine, Mike. We all have our battles and goes, I'm working my ass to get my shit together, only at this point like. Is your Craig is? Yeah. I think that's probably true. She's like so what's everyone else in the world Catherine downs like oh, thank God that was hard. That was our. Katherine lists all the stuff she's gone through. She's like I'm doing my best to get to point where I can handle all the shit going on and be on time. And if you have pointers I would love to hear them because I'm literally Google Inc. Pinterest benchers oriental league googling how to organize time. Okay. How to be a morning person trying to put time into a closet organizer doesn't work. Every time I'm like from now on. I'm going to be like, Ben. I'm so sorry. But that child custody thing, whilst here still has me fucked up. It's weird. Fatigue. So now only basically Naomi is, basically like listen. I would not be a friend youth. I didn't say that. I think it's foolish for you to buy the Rolls Royce, and I wanna make sure you're thinking things through also text the puck back bitch back. So she's like you don't have to explain yourself, Catherine captains like I mean, I don't have to explain to you, why spend my money but you're spending money on car. It turns into this big thing, and the Naomi's like, well, the perception of it, it's not great. This might be a good time to mention have you guys read the Naomi mural thing are also. I learned about this on the drive over here. So apparently mayo me as new restaurant or families new restaurant, they stole a mural from another artist. And so. He has to grab it was like bits, you literally stole, my mural, and she's like, no, I didn't I saw your mural, thought it was cool parts of it, that I liked. You're welcome. You're welcome. Do you wanna shout out on Instagram and he's like? Okay. Now, you're going violence. So that's all I could think of during the scene. I know. So it's funny because like on the one hand like I hate it when people don't tax me back on our super late all the time, but then it's hard for me to like, not be on team Catherine because I just think Katharine so funny. But then I also think is funny, and I was like, why do you guys why can't we focus on the assholes on the show like shove, Allston and all that girls? Because it's also the dumbest fide ever like you're late. Okay, so they're really trying to music because the music's already been rattling going, and everything. And I can sense that you're feeling right now but that's not the place where coming from. And if you say you're okay, that's all we need. Stops and Catherine goes. This gotten significantly awkward. Omo warm too. Just gets a little Hobo sack thing. Brings us now with the end of that. Happy broad. Tonight.

Chelsea Catherine Katherine Katherine Danny Naomi Cameron Cameron Madison Madison Patricia Craig Craig Austin Austin Madison Los Angeles chelsea Texas Charleston Dan Miami Instagram Mike chef Lisa Wallin