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"julie davis callan co" Discussed on James Miller | Lifeology
"Legal and Julie Davis Callan co founded the L group Inc, a consulting firm focused on leadership. They have been working together for twenty years have authored six books together and have been married for thirty two years. Lee is here today to review. Their latest book the power of positive coaching the mindset in habits to inspire winning results and relationships. Welcome to my show Lee James we here. Thanks so much. Yes, I am looking forward to this. Unfortunately, your wife was not able to join us, but I know we're gonna have a great show, regardless. We will guess now to be married to your wife for thirty two years and working together for twenty years. That is quite quite a feat. It is. And it's a it's a test and a and alone, the importance of role clarity, what role clarity in a relationship you want role clergy in the work setting too. So we've gradually morphed and figured out how we do that. And so we've had clear roles and actually over time the roles started kind of more for a little bit. So, so we're just kind of like any relationship. It's organic. And we just gotta go with it and grow with. Yes. Well, obviously, you guys are experts in your field, because you recognize the importance of roles in your marriage, not only that, but also in your firm as well. Absolutely. So now you the power of positive coaching. We're gonna jump in just a second. But my listeners, always know that I love to get people's origin story. How did you fall into this, or how did you realize that you had the affinity for being a leadership expert? Yeah. I was in college, I was a psychology major and that only one thing that I needed to go to graduate school. I went to graduate school. I still don't know what I wanna do. Twenty two year old kid and so I decided to get a doctorate in industrial organizational psychology, mainly, because it was a nice specialized doctorate and still left me with a very broad expert, you know, broad areas could be validation, or test election or, or leadership or will be like it'd be a consultant. It'd be a corporate executive. So as I've kind of just morphed over the course of my career, I'm really through my life is looked at I've always liked to kind of step into leadership roles even if it wasn't my former position. And so I just became a student of that. And then over time as we started the firm twenty years ago, we just decided to make that are Nick. So, in fact, the tagline of our firm has leadership at every level. So it's not just that every level of the organization, it's every personal level. So our, our logos three stack. Dell's it represents the three levels of leadership, which is your personal leadership. And we believe leadership's an inside jobs start to your personal ship first. Then moving out to your team leadership, then organizational leadership. But a lot of times, people think about, and learn about the team and organizational leadership things and really start on the inside. What did you what you character? What are your values? What do you really stand for and really understanding your kind of your, your own thoughts? You own emotions, you own purpose. I so we love to work with people from the inside out and working through that. So it was really just an evolution of how we got to this point, but over the past twenty years, we've been pretty focused on it and joined making hopefully, a difference in people's business, but more importantly, a difference in their lives. That's amazing. Congratulations. You guys have been six books together, which is phenomenal. And out today's book that we're gonna talk about the power of positive coaching the mindset and habits to inspire results relationships. How did this book even come about rather? How did you know there was a need for this book? Well, coaching has undergone this paradigm shift over the years, twenty years ago coaching used to be like a scarlet people all these coach. Something wrong with me. Because remedial now if a client doesn't have a coast, they feel left out from a scarlet to a badge of honor. So we knew that a lot of organizations. They've been using extra coaches, but the fact is most organizations can't afford an external coach for all the people. So we wanted to write this book to quip organizations and leaders. So they could elevate their coaching game so that they could just become better coaches themselves and create a coaching culture within the organization. So that was the essence of the kind of the backstory of the book perfect make sense. So, in other words, this is pretty much a guideline for individuals to increase up their game, and their own coaching life dependent it doesn't really matter on what level they are in the organs. That's right perfect. You focus a lot on just the power of positive coaching just the mindset. Tell us about that. Yeah. And, and absolutely. And my wife's one of the few experts in the world on in positive psychology. So we try to bring the research and application of positivity. It's soft, but there's a lot of science behind how brains voice how we react and all it as you. Well know we use that as the foundation of the book, and then the beginning just us I mentioned before as leadership. Is it inside job? It starts from the inside out, even to be a great coach. You have to bring a positive mindset to the table before he could worry about applying positive habits. We always say you have to get your mind right before you get your team. Right. Just so the first whole first part of the book is really about the four levels of awareness to create a positive coaching mindset, and let's be real. It's not just about coaching. It's a positive mindset for any interaction with your kid colleague worker. It doesn't matter before we actually get started. So let's, let's explain positive psychology because that is something people know about psychology in general of positive, psychology, not all of my listeners with it is. So since your wife isn't here. How about you explain share with them with means? Yeah, I think I do it Justice. So, you know, for years after World War Two we weren't the lot on understanding dysfunction because people came back from the war, a little bit messed up, honestly, right? How do we kind of get them back to neutral, if you will just to kind of be reasonably functioning and it was just about ten years ago that Martin ceiling, the president of the American psychological association said what we've got that figured out that we've got to figure out what people from neutral to thriving. Right. So it's really not understanding dysfunction. But what, what are the aspects of, of people that help them thrive? So that's really kind of positive psychology versus if you would like negative psychology. That's really kind of the essence and the Genesis of the field. So it's really looking at, at people's about people's emotions about relationships about their sense of meaning those types of things to understand what we what we could do, if we're reasonably functioning at the mid line if you will. And then how do we elevate our game above that? And so there's plenty of research. That's kind of supporting that over the past decade, and not just research, but application on things you can do to live a thriving life. Exactly. And that's really what the foundation of my show is about a positive psychology aspect of it. You know, for this one here this more for practical way. You take a coin and you bring a coin to your eye, and the coach of the coin gets. That's all you see, but if we focus on this things in our life, which bring us despair, or sadness or lack, then that is what we focus on our focus determines what we feel are feeling what we do. So when the concept of bringing a coin tier I the closer, it comes that is what you're gonna see pretty soon. That's all it literally covers your eye. And so that's the concept of. That as well as you can flip that coin and focus, everything that does not go well in your life. And that is what your life will looks like absolute I've had a lot of clients struggled with looking in their life because they focus on what is not going well as opposed to what is going well, and with that they get lost in it and consumed with it. And that's when they often find there's no way out. That's bottom line is that we see what we look for. And so, and so it's a choice in our mind, whether we're looking for, I would say, if you look for the drama in your life, you're gonna live. So Papa if you look, if you look for the human life, live in comedy, it's a choice, and it's funny, you say that because I say every day is like a movie some days to move is magic teasing lifetime movies or other times. The whatever you the great thing is you get to determine what you do with that information. You are the director of your life, so you can always out that women different ways. Into the, the aspects of positive psychology of how you help people create the positive mindset show. So again, the four levels of awareness, you have to really know your thoughts your purpose your values and your emotions. So if you have a bring a deep understanding of those you bring your best self to the table. Whether it's again in a coaching relationship or any interaction, but really, you know, you've heard they'll saying the best, the most critical form of knowledge is self knowledge, really, this is just breaking down that self-knowledge into these four areas of your thoughts, your purpose evaluation, your emotions thoughts. It self help us understand more about that because everybody has fought every thought is relevant. Not everything is applicable. Right. And you listen. We live in this information. Rich time poor wall. Right. We're moving moving all the time. And many times, people think about thinking, right. They don't think about their thought life. But that is absolutely what is dictating? How we perceive the world because we all have bad stuff happened to every day. We have ups and downs, but it's really people that understand how I react to that. And how I choose to interpret those things right? And our, our natural instinct, unfortunately, human beings is to have a slightly negative bent right now. So we're not pollyanna about said, don't just think about negative things. We're gonna have those negative thoughts coming, but it's how choose to interpret as negative thoughts and then convert those into a positive expectation for sales, because our brain is wired, but we have what one hundred billion in one hundred billion neurons in our brain, right? And then each connected to ten thousand other neurons. Right. And then we have these synapses that connect each one little connection. So every time we think of something a synopsis created. So then so they'll phrase things thoughts. That fired fire together get wired together. Right. So, so the more we could think of thought a positive thought to replace negative thought, we actually start re designing rain in our brain is elastic. This is a great finding over the past decade piece of your brain is fixed over your life, and it's not we could change our thinking process so just simple things like I might be walking and have. Oh, God interview today. I'm so nervous about it or I don't really know I've had a bummer day, and I'll little like keep a rubber band on my hand. Like snap, it have a visceral reaction. We re frame that expectation because those expectations that our mind will absolutely predict what's going to happen in future. So your thought life really is very critical. I think the most critical thing in terms of dictating the kind of life you have in the kind of results ultimately have, and the kind of relationship you end up having. And, and I think a lot of people think about thoughts their thoughts about other people, but it's really critical thing about your thoughts about yourself. We're amazed at how many people talk to have these conversations with themselves, we'll play it back. And we'll say would you ever say that to your best friend? Never. I would never say it's hurtful that why would you say to yourself? I think it's important to have that awareness about our thoughts about ourselves our own expectations are our own bodies our own skills. Or when relationships are capabilities and make sure that those have a positive slant. And we give it to those negative thoughts about ourselves, then we can start bringing our best self to the table for other people. You know, one thing I always tell my listeners. Well as way to kind of figure out what your core belief is, is if you do something, silly, or something that you're embarrassed about or something, where you feel you messed up on your failed. Listen to what the tape is, if you say you're stupid, I can't believe you did this what is with you always do this, that really childhood wound if you will. We internalize other people said it to us, or we thought about that for our self. And then we reinforce it, every single time we did something that we were not proud of..