3 Episode results for "Jason Betcha"
434: Eagles Monday Night Tank; Is Pierre-Luc Dubois Available? Joe Thornton on Leafs Top Line?
"Steve one project. Done what philadelphia. I simply could not have done it. You got men out there that are fighting guts out trying to win the game. And i'm not saying up blaming anybody. I personally could not have done what they do. The circumstances absolutely everybody. Welcome to our show. Today we're discussing the philadelphia eagles. Monday night tank job the second segments joe thornton on toronto's first line really here luke dubois on the market asking to be traded. Could the sends be in the mix. That's all still ahead here. On the s w p it's all about sports and whatever jimmy and steve back ge again. Thanks to our members mike. Ns chris guy he done vast dan rutz and marcus bond. Bolton stern lady showed us. Do you guys anybody would like to be a member and help support show. Just check a steve w project dot com james. How're things today. Stephen things are fine. I didn't find their pointed today walking around my house. I'm a mill minimalist stevie. Okay so i got. I'll send you a villa. My house i'll do do. I'll do a little walk around you're gonna look at my house score. Always always moved out. It's vacant okay. Yeah i i don't know why but i saw show on netflix. I think it's called the minimalist or something like that. These two guys and it was pretty good. It was pretty good. It's like okay. You're gonna go through your stuff and you're going to. You're going to get rid of stuff that has no value to you. I don't mean monetary value that you just you just don't use anymore okay. Right has no use in your life. Okay and people have purged right. And so i said okay. I'm gonna do that okay. I'm gonna go around my house. start my kitchen. You know those junk drawers stevie and So so anyway. I started on that little rampage through my kitchen and then i then i looked this morning and I must have been some sort of hayes. Stevie when i did some sort of days when i did it and so i went to pour myself a coffee this morning and i realized i threw out. All my mugs. She d puttering and then there's nonsense. Yeah start throwing shit out you know. They got nothing left in my house throughout chairs and mugs and all that stuff but anyway. That's that's what i was doing yesterday. It's a funny thing. How mentally and physically. It's not an intangible thing like you just you feel so much better when things are decluttered sounding like that What's a marie kondo. She's the japanese declutter queen or. Yeah yeah right. Right doesn't speak a lack of so. I'm not sure she could be telling me. I don't know japanese recipes. I have no idea. But everybody's with the translator going along with her advice and everybody reports all the time. Oh yeah things way way better now. That things are all tidied up but imagine being a multimillionaire by saying put that away. Throw that out. Yeah no kidding. And then i watched a watched the football game brutal Last night i was all get all confused about well if they win. They still got a playoff shot. If they don't if the team loses they can get in blah blah blah blah blah. All that stuff. It wasn't that confusing. Basically washington wins. They win the division. If they lose the giants win the division right the night game the night game by that by that time right anyways. Unbelievable that that freaking game it was sorta of like. Is this a real deal here. Going on with the with the with the fumbles and the and the recovery's and looking like he should have fallen on the ball but he didn't putting in that freakin quarterback. Even chris collingsworth. Whoever that guy was her or was it hurts. Who was supposed to be in there. Is that the guy's name then he. Well here's the story line is story reading. I think that what we saw last night with the eagles taking on washington the football team. Yeah congratulations to the nfc eastern champion football team. Yes anyway The story line is not just washed and winning and winning the division much to the chagrin of the new york giants it is the philadelphia eagles with an obvious tank like they threw that game. They threw that game to improve their draft status. Had they won they would have been ninth since they lost their sixth overall in the upcoming draft. Szirbik move we certainly see management even ownership you. You could put a team on the field. Put your chess pieces out there in such a way that you don't have a very good chance to win the game but it's very rare when you actually see it happening on the field. You mentioned some of the things in the game. The big factor was eagles head coach. Doug peterson putting jalen hurts out there to start. That game was a good thing because people had had enough of carson wentz he had a year and jalen hurts seemed to represent both in the last few weeks and in the game itself a real opportunity for the eagles to do well and he was playing well last night and he pulls him out of the game for guy. I've never heard of coming out of the game but never nate. Nate sud failed. That was doug peterson. Excuse for putting. Jalen hurts on the sideline and bringing in native son failed. He said i think i thought saad fell deserved some reps out. There come all right right barely. Had a look jalen hurts. Jalen hurts deserve some reps out there because he might be the future but you put sud feld is a clear attempt to throw a football game it disrespects the players disrespects the nfl and and most of all a disrespects the fans who while they weren't paying to watch that in large numbers but the still taking their time to watch it on tv and And and and may maybe. That's why peterson feels like he can do something like that. Because there were no fans and we all know philly fan not a very very nice fan the old adage as they boo save landings at the airport to makes you see with the ottawa senators. They blown up the team. That the you know the owner eugene melnyk actually said nobody is trash. The team like we have a clear way of saying. You didn't put your best foot forward. You did it for a greater good of course but that that in a way is kind of pulling the shoot on things and tanking. But you don't see very often where either a player or coach is out there. I'm sure that doug peterson the coach. He's the pop in this thing is probably all originating from management. You want to stay employed this. You're gonna do. You're gonna make sure we lose that game. If if hurts is going well get him out. Yeah there's no doubt okay so people are going to hear this today right. They're probably talking about since the second. The final whistle blew in that game last night. So they're going to say okay. Well how do you know they through the game. Ok so they put the guy in right. And so i'm going to say well it was just shift. You know the guy was. The guy was good like his first play he he takes snap and he runs backwards into the enzo okay. Well i'm watching that game last night cable. That goes way out to his right or something and runs through the end zone and comes out and then throws the thing eight feet abouts so you begin to look at then. He drops a snap that he probably could have picked up. And but that's shit can happen. Okay you bring quarterback and he never made one good play. Here's here's how i know. One hundred percent state that that guy through the game. So there's a minute left. Philly has the ball. They're they're they're down less than a touchdown okay. I think they're down six points. Okay or something like that so with timeouts running out so any quarterback wants to win that game and they're on their own twenty or something like that or twenty five. Okay you're going to. You're going to take a snap in the shotgun or whatever step step back and drill it down the field as far as you can right. That's that's the only shot you have here. That's the only chance you house okay and we gotta start doing that right away okay. So that's all you gotta do. Here is get getting there. The only play okay. We got no time left and we try score. Touched up to win the game right. So what does this guy do. Not only does he do. They runs around with the ball and grounds. It just throws it into the ground. You know that doesn't make any attempt for pass runs at one time himself and it's like what. What are you doing here so to me. I looked at it right away. And i said they're throwing the game right. I don't think that sud feld is out there intentionally. Trying to lose the game I always think these things are driven from ownership or management but The question then becomes what should the nfl do about. It should they. Should they be punishment. Should you get into a situation where the nfl goes to a draft lottery to prevent this sort of thing from happening in the nhl. We see it in the nba You could make a good argument that the nhl draft lottery comes about because of the alexander dig situation way back in the day The sends had an iot alexander deg first overall pick the following year in one thousand nine hundred ninety three and san jose was neck and neck with them for dead last overall in the league and there was a moment where bruce firestone the senators owner at the time was alleged to have implied that he wanted the sense to throw the game that they had head to head with san jose in the rely to reporters around who claim to have to have heard that anyway. This isn't a first overall selection but it's the same theory a team likely trying to improve its draft stock. So what do you think the nfl should do about it. Should they go to a draft lottery. Something's got to happen effectively. The guy went out. There knelt every play quarterback. Just just meltdown. Okay but said well. We can't do that so make it. Look good okay okay. I'll just throw it eight yards into the ground whenever he receivers fifty arts outfield right right. There's just so for whatever reason stevie for whatever reason okay what do you do. So so i mean i make it simple good. The only penalty is you're going to really hurt them with with draft picks. You know So there's no middle ground there right. There's no there's no middle ground saying okay. Well you're gonna lose one of your home games or something i you know. I don't know right there. Well who gives a shit about that. I don't like it. But i don't think the nfl. Unless there's some sort of wording that i'm not aware of in the rule book I don't think the. Nfl is in a position to hand out punishments. But i do think that it should spark change. And i don't want to see them go to an nhl style lottery because The way the nhl went this year was a joke. alexi frontier was the number one overall. Pick for everybody that he was consensus and it didn't go to a team that finished out of the playoffs. Like twenty four teams of the thirty one made the playoffs this past season. And that's a lot of teams and the bottom seven. Not one of them got alexia. Frontier was a team that actually when the playoffs started at a chance at the stanley cup. The new york rangers ended up getting frontier and to me. That's dumb and i don't wanna see in. Nhl style lottery. I wanna see you know. I don't want to. I think you want to prevent what happened last night in the nfl. You can do that by simply saying kay crapshoot finish in the bottom five somewhere. Any one of those five Winning but it shouldn't be a team as good as the new york rangers. That's a you know. Well along in there rebuild now that ends up with a number one overall selection. That's not really fair either. Because part of the idea of the draft is for the week or teams to be able to replenish a. Don't want to see it go. That far were good teams end up with the number one overall selection. Well here's the other thing steve. If you look at the big picture though okay so you see this display yesterday by philly and eyebrows are all going up a whole. Hang on a minute here. What's what's happening now now. We know what's happening. Okay like i said. Even chris collingsworth going. This makes no sense. E just came short of saying they're tanking just came like a hair short of saying say i would never do that. I don't understand blah blah blah but in the big picture stevie when you look back at at at previous years you know where where the draft happened. It's not too often. Cv when when people do look back say five years ago. If you had the same situation with a with a hockey team sort of saying look try your hardest but don't try too hard okay. Got a good position. You don't hear too much of that anymore steve. You don't hear someone go. Oh yeah don't forget. They tanked that game. You know You know what i mean. It's just it's not this. It's not this sort of you know rapid problem right so we look at things and yesterday. So what you're telling me is they. They go from the ninth ninth. Pick to the sixth pick. Yes so i've been seeing drafts my whole life and it's a crapshoot whether you get who you're gonna pick in the sixth round compared to who you're gonna pick three route three three picks later you know so it doesn't. It's not that big a deal to me. It's not so much about where you select it just about the fact that you're tanking at all it. It doesn't really matter to me. What the the. Your incentive is for the most part All i know is if i'm running the nfl roger goodell. I'm looking at two teams. Who went out to play. A game meant everything to one team in washington and they win the division and it also met a ton to the new york giants who were relying on a you know an at least an honest effort from washington's opponent in the eagles and they failed miserably to deliver that. And so i think you need to look at something because you can't have that happen and it looks worse all the worse like this for any given sunday and as a one o'clock game and it wasn't that you know that high profile a regional game like this was monday night football the very final game before the playoffs on monday night. That puts a little extra spotlight on this whole story and I'd be surprised if the nfl didn't do something to tinker with things but we'll see it doesn't matter so much to me though that it was only a number nine to number six right versus the number one overall. It's less about that and more about the fact that tanking is happening at all gay. Let's take our first time out when we come back in the show. We're going to flip it over to hockey talk a little bit about pierre luke. Dubois seems like every team in the nhl covets him because he apparently wants out of columbus. And we'll also get into a discussion about whether or not joe thornton should be on a number one line at his age coming up after these words. Do you find shopping around for insurance time consuming. Hassle i'm josh from insurance ontario. Semtex let me take it from there. You'll be surprised at how easy can be six one. Three eight six zero six zero zero eight all insurance ontario. Your modern boutique broker. Well it is twenty. Twenty one. And that means our friends at jim k. Ford and now beginning their fortieth year helping people with their automotive needs that kind of longevity says a lot you don't last and business this long without building trust and connections treating people right turning first timers into repeat customers who are happy to spread the word about the great service they always get a gym kaye. Ford your next vehicle weights gym gave ford dot com every heard about paiko to totally fresh innovative. Take on pizza at paiko. Step up to the bar. Select your favorite toppings. And then in classic neapolitan style they slide your custom thin crust masterpiece into one thousand degree oven for ninety seconds and moments. Later you're enjoying those rich delicious paiko flavors old world pizza made the way it's supposed to be paiko order online or drop in a two thirty six richmond road or one seventy metcalf. So james think of joe thornton at age seventy eight out there. The toronto i guess he's gonna start it out. Sheldon keefe. leaves head. Coach is gonna start old man river in between mitch and austin matthews on their number one line. Yeah i you know. I don't think much of it right. Because here's how that's gonna go okay. We'll start for the in the first game and we'll see all goals right. It's not it's not like you ought to lock in you know it's not like there's a rule saying he's got to stand that first line for seven games or whatever they'll put them in you know it's it's probably a pretty good marketing idea right. Not that the leash need to market their team. Their audience being so big. But so i don't think much like whatever the guy shit they're going to move he's going be he's gonna be moving down a line. Steve about every twenty minutes chase way joe jordan. Come over is next. He's on the second line now. Yeah so when. I when i read that headline you know. It's like like like a starting goalie announcement you know putting them. We're putting in seoul and so right on. What young boy now. So good point when you talk about an off season you know it's it. It does generate headlines. And i don't think that truly. I don't think the leaves have any operations of making that a permanent thing. Not even through the first freak and half of the first period right or if if it happens at all I just It's i think it's a way to of really truly welcoming joe thornton to toronto. Because while he's not going to be relied upon heavily to be the offensive thrusts that he's been throughout his career is forty one years old Oldest ford in the nhl. It's not likely to be a guy They're leaning on that heavily but they are leaning on him quite heavily to be a great leader on the team which is one of the voids for the toronto maple leafs in these recent years on good talent citing young talent but rudderless totally rudderless. Right right wasn't What was the story with spencer where everyone got all up in arms because was was he coming back to toronto. Well you're missing a little bit of the story. So it's jason betcha who's tronto guy right and After all this time you know warring with the leaves as a member of the senators bounced around low bid play for the dallas stars lee signs on in toronto. And he's really excited. I'm going to be able to walk off into the. Nhl sunset right in my hometown With the team that i grew up cheering for and the very first game the laser taking on his old team the ottawa senators and mike babcock scratches them to make healthier. Yeah so the whole family's there is opportunity to see. His old buddies whichever are left still on the ottawa senators. Everybody looked at mike babcock and said what the hell's the matter with you. It's game one in october. And you're doing this guy like this already. A just signed the guy right right. He's apparently doghouse already as he. Mike anyway. I don every it reminded me this thing of okay. Well they're nice here. I like it okay. We're gonna put we're gonna play. Okay is the deal here by the way we signed him. We believe in him. And we're going to start him on first line right so might. Where's mike babcock never. Did you know what's happening with him. Off into the sunset still. Cashing checks is a toronto maple leaf employees in a severance away. I guess but I've heard his name bandied around in a couple of the coaching vacancies. That have come up since he was terminated but. I don't know that anybody wants to take that on right now right. Because he got kind of lumped in was a pick for sure sure. Yeah but he kind of lumped in with that whole you know bill peters thing right where he's dropping ratio bombs on a on a young player. you know. There's another incident were. Some coach was kicking player. Mismarked mark crawford was in that mix as well and he got let go by the blackhawks and mike kitchen. I think so. There's a bunch of coaches who were like. Wow you're that are getting losing their jobs and and babcock got rolled into that. I don't know that treating player poorly. You know in terms of that. That whole thing apparently with mitch monir. I think i think Babcock went tomorrow and said which guys on the team do you think are lazier which are really and then proceeded a read off the names that monir had given him like babcock's said that to the team right which which was a jerk. Move while insane. Yeah it's absolutely. But i don't think it rises to the level of some of the other reasons why coaches were getting fired around the league so i don't know that it's a career killer what he did but it certainly something that no. Gm has been willing to touch to this point. yeah psychotic. It reminds me of a friend of mine. Who worked for a big company. Who was in the the the ceo's office. Okay the big guy called him in. Yeah and and the head of the company had heard rumblings about people talking about him negatively. Okay so he calls in my buddy and sits him down at desk and says i want you to. Here's here's the rumor. That i have about these guys who are on my board or something like that. I want you to phone him. Okay i want you to phone that guy. And i want you to ask him what he thinks of me. Okay and i want you to do it here. And i want you to put it on speaker. Oh my god yeah. Isn't that crazy. i'd love. that reminded me that babcock. Did you know that that same idea. Okay i want you to tell me who's who's bad and then i'm going to tell them you know crazy shit. It's amazing how some people are send to the levels. They do in the world of business world of sports when they're so void of character. Yeah and it's like okay. What i'm going to ask you to do is completely wrong. It's completely breaking rules. It's completely against any sort of saying judgment okay. But you're either you. You're going to have to do that. Otherwise you're gonna be punished for it's crazy crazy. Anyway i digress. They're above clock. Not no i like it. I like it The other story in hockey. That i wanted to mention was the end. You know it's happening here in ottawa. It's happening probably in every nhl city that The columbus blue jackets. They resigned their top center pier. Luke dubois that just happened on thursday a two year deal with ten million dollars however do was never happy i guess and sounds like he is very much interested in moving on did not like the way contract. Negotiations were handled and apparently according to the athletics imports line. It changed the relationship between the two parties between Peer looked y and the columbus blue jackets. And now he's looking at. Hey get me out of here. Right freaking now. He wants to be a traded according to the reports. And that's what everybody's talking about right now Particularly in ottawa. Here were there is room where they have many assets that they could offer up and a lot of people. Lot of fans are interested in one. P r luke dubois and to give you some background on him. He's completed three years in the nhl. Use a third overall pick in twenty sixteen and he is just coming off at a phenomenal playoffs. He had ten points and really came to the fore because columbus upset toronto in the first round of the playoffs. Npr luke dubois was probably. If you're looking at single players. He was the biggest reason why he was a beast against toronto. So a lot of particularly canadian markets are really gung ho on. What what can we do to bring in here. Luke dubois to me still got a bit of work to do because he only had forty nine points last year and the way it's funny how fans go when a name like that becomes available. It's almost like they become more talented as a player right because available. He's like oh my god he's a hart trophy candidate. I must have missed all those hart trophy votes that That he got no he didn't get any hart trophy and he wasn't in the top seventy in nhl scoring. I think he one day will be in that mix and he'll get better and better as we go. But i don't know if i'm willing to give up the king's ransom that so many fans seem to be today. Yeah you know the other interesting thing steve about requesting trades or getting traded or you know in the middle of negotiations going. If it doesn't if it doesn't go our way. I fuck. I want out i want out of here. Right is all of that. All of that right is is is ironic when they say in the world of sports okay trades happen all day long and they go. It's not personal okay. Do not take this personally but we gotta trade you. Okay right and really steve. Every trade that i've ever heard of there's some sort of thing where the guy took it. Personally there is there is. There's always a right from the we talked about a few weeks ago. 'cause there was some anniversary date of the patrick wa deal You know wayne gretzky tons and tons of trades that go on that they end up taking it personally right so it's always. It's always personal because we work at it. I get pissed. Stevie i get pissed when a guy signs a contract. You know you play in the in in You know you play one of the greatest games in the world one of the greatest leagues ever. The dough is through the roof. The way you get treated as crazy you know they kind of forget that right so so now you know now now guy gets the poed on a little bit because things were a little tough because negotiations didn't go my way so now you really didn't go your way two years five year. How much more did you want them to go. Your way and you bring up a great thing. Well let's look at his stats okay. How good round in the playoffs. First round okay. Good for you. Good for you but Other than that. I thought we did pretty. I thought we did just solid here. Giving you ten mil well. He talked about things being personal Exhibit a. might be in the playoffs offs. I think it was against toronto. There was a moment on the bench in in that series. Where john tortorella is behind him and just giving it to him screaming at him as he comes off the ice so he sits himself down and toward a relic keeps. Barking and dubois. Clearly doesn't lie lack confidence because he turned around and started barking right back at him and both men were clearly very angry and fiery in the moment. don't know what was said but A bit of pushback there and i. I don't know maybe maybe part of this thing is he doesn't wanna play for john tortorella any longer and we all know. John says act so people love playing form. Todd why do i work with for a long time. He played for them with the rangers. And like the guy right. But i can't imagine that everybody gets along with john rela and And who knows. Maybe that's part of this whole thing as well and wouldn't let me ask you this when you see a guy in. Nhl player like that barking back at a coach. Are you saying to yourself. That's a guy that You know is sticking to his guns or is that a guy that maybe you look at it and says you know. I bet that guy's an attitude problem. It's hard to know i know. But what's your immediate reaction when you see that. Yeah i'm okay with it right because it's pretty rare right. There you see a player. Turn around on the bench during a game and rip into a coach right. So there's there's the old heat of the moment which. I which. I believe which i believe. You know the guy has take back. It might be that one right. But if i ran that league right if i run that. Nhl okay and i'm batman. I'm putting a gag order on guys. okay. I'm putting a gag order on players when they're in the middle of negotiations. Okay and i'm putting the hammer down to say with any chance you have to talk about the league and to and to talk about You know your negotiations or what's happening with with you and being traded we got. We got to stop this shit where you're saying. I didn't feel like i got treated very fairly you know. And because if i'm i'm gary bettman i'm going really really the shit though where we have this league right now and the money that you guys are getting paid that you want to step up the go. I don't like what what Columbus is doing to me. I wanna to i i i would put a stop to all that shit man. I'd say you know what i mean. Steve i god yeah right now. You're looking at league. That has no fans right. If you're an owner of an nhl franchise and you just handled ten million dollars over two years. Two years that in fact could actually have no fans in either year. We don't know what the future holds. So i'm gonna pay you five million dollars a year. An and and you're complaining about that i i mean i don't know what was said. I mean maybe it's not the money maybe it's more but what was said in these negotiations but that That would strike me as taking a lot of goal. It just bugs me. When i hear that when it when i hear a player saying i'm not being treated fairly i'm not being you know i don't get enough ice time you know. I don't like he took me off the power play. You scratch me one night. You know it's all. I you know what it's it's you know if i if i'm a player in that league and i get scratched i'm going. Don't worry about a man. i'm all good all good. Don't i got no problem. I got no problem. This is a fantastic fucking deal and of great job that i have you know and yet all of them take it personally. What happens and somehow they got. Shut the freak up about that all the time and you bring up a great point really. Really when people are people are on skid row here man right now and the leaks just trying to do their best if bent over backwards here and somehow we're going to pull off another season all right. Well it'd be interesting to see where the ends up and certainly lots of chatter in the canadian. Nhl markets about the idea of who what we have to give up to get a guy like that will come back on the show. We get final thoughts after these words. Eighty love pizza. Then you need to check out paiko. It is made so fast right in front of you. With only the best freshest ingredients create your own paiko masterpiece a little pepperoni a little sausage double pepperoni. Yes yes more meat place loved the meat lovers in create your own masterpiece or choose from one of their incredible chef inspired variations paiko a totally fresh delicious innovative take on pizza. Order online. Or drop into paiko today to thirty-six richmond road or one seventy metcalf got to become a big fan of the gym cave ford lincoln app. It saves you both time and money. Stay up to date on their inventory. Specials and sales events book your service or maintenance appointments get roadside service and even earned money for every referral that leads to a sale. It is seriously cool and just another reason why. I'm jim cave ford customer. Download the app today or check out. Jim ford dot com. Everyone knows that to get the best price on home and auto insurance you have to shop around but who really wants to do that with access to all kinds of insurance markets. Not only can i get you the best price but also make sure that you get full value for your money. Call me jour-jour insurance ontario. Your modern boutique broker and it certainly was a year like no other and the glenn walton realestate team hopes. You had a fantastic holiday season. All the same glen would like to thank all the listeners for their support and looks forward to helping you with your ottawa. Area real estate needs and twenty twenty one happy new year from the glenn walton real estate team at glen walton dot com. Are james any final thoughts today as we put a wrap on things. I do steve. Hang on i'm sorry. What is looking at the calendar here. That's what i got this week monday. Monday tuesday wednesday thursday. The pga stevie sterling peachy starts up on there. After two week off season here we go. Yeah you're going to be okay. Jimmy relax okay because you know it's coming at the same time the nhl started. Don't worry those. Dv tournament of champions called the century tournament of champions. Where all the previous winter's plus some other guys this year. They're they're adding in there. Who are top ten in the fedex anyway cools back which which means we're only a several hundred slips away from the masters again that's right it's shortest wait between masters we've ever had in history anyways stevie. Here's all elite yesterday. We i don't know if you did you. did you. Put the story in steve about the me reading cold. A couple of jokes did leave. I did one of the jokes. You did about six so i i put one in okay. Here's another one. I got this morning. And i blow bubbles stevie from a friend of mine and says i got to see other dances. Hey just wanted to take a minute to wish you all a very married christmas and a happy new year. Most of all good health these days people don't spend much time on or thought on some personal words to their friends and family you just copy and paste some random message and send it on so after all. We've been through together this year. I want to thank you for your friendship and wish you a happy and fulfilling twenty eighteen. You're the vet gymnastics anyone's ever asked for best wishes helen. No i'm tearing up your that's beautiful. That's great isn't that great. All right well call it quits right there. Good stuff james. We'll talk to you in our next episode. All right goodnight everybody. We'll see ya.
24: Thursday, February 7th, 2019 with Heather McMahan
"Deep breath everyone. Good morning. It's going to be. Okay. Hello. The morning toes. I can't even speak. Welcome to them. Worry toast this morning. Just I'm quite Australia. We have special co host Heather McMahon today. We need as many coho says we can get because not not. No, no, one of us can do this job today. I don't even think three of us could do it. I don't even know how appealing I would say, I'm mostly tired. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not as hung over. As I expected, even though I got in bed at three three in the morning. Sorry. My voice. How's the pizza visas? Great. Yeah. Ios Jovita Sogan, it was I mean, it was cold, and it was rock hard because you know, in the cheese gets hardy just turns into like a slump. Could clump cement club that I was just wolfing down. And I I left the bones for Jeff it's nice, if the bones girl, I don't really eat the cross it really depends like how fucking hungry. I am. Or what else I'm eating like, there's a pasta dish. I'll take the crust, and you know, dip it up. Yeah. I'll pretend like I don't eat crest. And then I find a way to get on a person. Who's that? Can I have your crust, that's Moro or sister? Oh, that's Jeff. He always wants to cross. I said, no, I would Toko GI only got wait. Also, speaking of food appetizer at last night's meal was divine. The little pasta dish overset was that what it was called was the cheese. I only got it was the best thing I ever had down. It looked like a square piece of pizza like from camp. And I was like why are they serving pizza? Amfar I loaded. I thought it was a great line. So to emperor gala last sorry, let's serving the beginning. Okay. That's also I look I'm about to go to jog because I told these bitches I said, I'm going to show up immigrant dramas. And of course, there's still cute, and I'm sucky because at nine forty five as was putting my pants on. I said guys are we still doing pajamas and US took so long to answer that it would have rather been overdressed and under dressed five fair. Okay. And I don't know about like Sochi. But it just so crazy how anytime you go from being the most beautiful you've ever been. Yeah. Then like twelve hours later loggers you've ever why can't we just look look like decent? No. That you have to look horrible. Literally, I feel like I'm just like a bad jogger today. I feel like people are looking at me being like that girl so sad like the Tony say about her out. You know for cage was getting you my cab outside of my hotel and these two girls. You know, you just say, well, you're staying trendy fan journey. Anzio talbot. These girls were literally talking about me, and I kind of turn around, and they get caught me and they're like. We love your shoes. Because I'm wearing these Ronald McDonald sneakers. They're like my orthopedic takers, you caught them catching you. Yes. And so I was like, and they're like, no, we love your seekers. Joe secrets Ronald McDonald. I was like I am so hung over renew. They were talking about. Yeah. They're talking about how my secrets eye catching people talking shit about me. And then I do what they're doing. But like more animated because they'll be like, and I'm just like, yes. That girl over there. I appointment. See her blue shirt, and that's the one then get her. Yeah. I was like hardcore staring at me like so much. And it was just like so rude because no one's ever staring at you in a good goodbye. You know, ever ever ever? And Ben was like what's wrong. I'm like that woman. And he was like don't always assumed people are looking at you negatively, like bend your so sweet been knuckled talking her the bar. He goes she was looking at Instagram, and she was like my daughter's love her or something. So it actually was positive the nine hundred hundred ten people usually she's the whore course. Well, I wanted to recap yesterday show really quickly because we never. Got to discuss the Jennifer Jackie. But I'll do New Jersey I do and this season so stressful. So stressful said what house hand in the divide? I divide. See it anywhere. I think they're all any it's okay. We'll be a Jack in Jennifer here. And I just have to say I was really excited to me, Jennifer. But she like blew my expectations out of the water. Like, I am in love with her. I want to like Miguel. I wanted a soccer monkeys asking like she was so cool. And so funny and just like really self aware and just like didn't care. Yeah. I really liked her. I knew I was going to like her. And I I want her to come out again. Like, I want to get you know, hurt more on a deeper level. I want to go to her house. Yes. And they want to use one of her sixteen bathrooms also programming update. Tomorrow, we will have Juliette and Kelsey Owens of siesta key. I can leave the during cross together. That means the war is over. And I'm just really excited. Also, a little nervous. Like, I wonder if she knows like, no we owe much vile. We owe Calcio an apology talking so much it we should just call this the morning apology. Yeah. But I'm I'm ready to grow into valve which. Yes, I'm ready to move to see us to fuck into. You know, what I kinda get Florida? I talk so much shit on the state of Florida like in general, and you say Florida, Florida when it was here literally above it does Florida Florida Senator from Atlanta. Yeah. People from the south Florida. We say Florida y'all so say like almonds owning. You said I'll say McMahon's Piquet. Right. So Ben was saying last night how your lesson is so great. And so American League you need a family business. Yes. We were coming up with like McMahon's mayonnaise mcmanis. Yeah. But then Heather really came up with. Tam's look at the old southern man. Yeah. Where like you go around your farm like picking pecans? Yeah. Love it. Yeah. Even though in this out like I say pecans people say pecans, but but you have to say it can't hands a thing. And that would finally settle the debate of how it's pronounced right? Yes. My company as reference. Yeah. There we say we're solving major world crisis. Today is amazing run through the slums that we saw last night. Yes. Okay. We just back row quick though. And talk about the fact that the three of us are invited to a basically models only party Supriyanto's downtown lacks tie affair black tie. I am. So embarrassed, I took I took an Uber ex- outlook, I paid sixty dollars to go from like the Gramercy area downtown just because I figured that. I wanted to be seeing getting out of the water. Are there was going to take you seriously getting out of a Toyota Camry? I literally taken like an old Honda Civic. Nobody would have seen. I got dropped off three blocks away because the traffic so bad. I got kicked off the red carpet. It was a whole thing. We're thirstier the new because yes, we also paid eighty dollars for a block at filleted. And we waited an extra probably ten fifteen minutes on the same block just to get chopped off right in front yet thirsty. Lasers. There's just so that, you know, getting driving an Escalade grantee, no more. Specked none. And I to we're just respected on the red carpet. Yes. We just got we got really like fucked because we we walked right after Victoria Justice who apparently is very famous like, I know her, and I love your show on the deal, very thing. Right. She's just recognizable. So you going crazy for her? And then like we came. But like the second we started Michelle Rodriguez. I'll fast and furious came. So we were just saying which between two people who were like kind of important, and literally no one could have given less of a shit about these short girls on the red carpet, and it was just annoying because it's like they flew in all these tall girls. Dracaena earl's to walk around. Like there was literally a girl there who I'm one hundred percent sure makes a fulltime salary of being house-key stunt double. I thought it was. And I'm like and that arose, no family house-key. And it was just bullshit. Like, they were just like flying in these girls from Europe just to pretend to be people. Just so they can outshine the someone. Interesting people, right. And they got so much respect because they were tall, and we got no respect because we're short. So it started actually pouring when I got shoved into the tenth. So literally, I was sandwiched between seven supermodels and then Mueller Jovovich just going on this guy who was in a full glitter. Outfit literally pushed me to the side. And then the right correlated was like your neck Honey, have you ever been does like, no, I've really ever been on a carbon before I'm not even kidding you. This was the most sold drain soul-sucking humbling moment of my life. I get out there. Okay. So there's a supermodel just went I don't even know some gorgeous woman, and then they just quit taking my phone. So if you're on the red carpet snaps that step over here Heather over here. Over your got out. Nobody knew my name, and they usually known Heather make me round little thing. Someone walks around. And I had my legs like furbish Meena and most models. They have their PR Persian or manager or they can give it to some peasant decide that hey, will you take my purse? We'd take my sweater on the carpet, I show up with my grandma shoal. And then they literally quit take my photo standing there as every yellow like Milla Jovovich over here. Nobody literally what are they camera? Ladies took our memory card. Just put it back in. And then she goes. All right, sweetie. Into one photo because she felt so bad because I was standing there. And I said out loud, I go this is so embarrassed. And that you know, what I you know, what I'm gonna Chuck it up to it being a poorly organized carpet. Okay. You're supposed babysitter who tells people who are like a lot of people like how do even those photographers? Okay. I know they know Victoria, justices and Michelle Rodriguez, but even all of those spots like unless someone looked like a model. How would they know who they are like what if their digital? I guess like, I guess it's like, wait. You know, I guess the photographers mentality is like, oh, this person's probably a model. I don't know who they are. But I'm not going to suffer -tunities photograph a model. But I guess they don't have. They're like, no, all right. Like, maybe they should think. Like, these people are here. They're interesting to look at what the different in order to get on the carpet, and you had to be somewhat interesting yet you had to be someone. No, whatever we were with Brian Kelly points guy, who was the sponsor of the is probably the best table ever ever. We were literally it was a chain smokers. And then like here yet, I was up the chain smokers, and I didn't want to be anywhere else. Yeah. Just those are hot. Yes. They did a good job their resume Rockin performance. Yes person. James Jackie reminded me. His name's familiar, and then I remember we met him. And so I was performance at surplus, and I've just had the same experience last night as it did it surf lodge. I'm like, why isn't he the most famous person in the world? Who's so talented, the voice of an angel angel. He sounds actually like what I think sound like when I say, you know, Barry gospel choir like, Yep. About own pre. But obviously, I don't tell like that or else. I would've been are. We going to do our musical. I remember last night. We had like ten to kilos and I started singing by really load. Yes. Baritone explained to me. I never realized you do have a low. Register I have a very low register I used to sing up. And then I got really bad dodgers on my vocal chords. Got nodes Brittany so. Yep. Just so, you know, actually Simpson that's a real thing. It's acid reflux. And so now my voices down here. So I asked Heather what is like your if you were to try on Broadway. Like go to an audition after what is like the song repertoire that really like showpieces your it's summertime. Porgy and Bess sleep. Living's easy down now. Oh, I love as I don't like watching as Amar because I don't get the tingle me. Neither like freaks me out. But I like doing it to give your are commercial at the Super Bowl. They had Jason momoa, stepdaughter. Joey crime, Zoe Kravitz. Whoa. I've literally never heard anyone refer to Zoe credit who was arguably more famous than her mom and stepdad as Jason memo's, stepdaughter. Jay, she Aniston all of them. That's really like the world. According to Jason memo. Hold on ready. I gotta get a reference that is like saying. I don't know. But whatever not gonna use Willis Bruce Willis is like third basic daughter. No, okay. Ready would be like rumor Willis's extent mom. Mother. It's her mother of way to be disrespectful. Whereas ex stepdad Bruce will. Nope. That's. Wait Ashton Kutcher. Yes. Room or wills? Extent could turn. Yes. Okay. Thank you. Okay. Maybe she added sitting ASMAR beer commercial at the Super Bowl. And it was so uncomfortable unless it was for Michelob ultra they're not a sponsor of the show on that. But I was like I used to drink Mickle tras in college. When I was like trying to be thin. But really when you have seventy five of them, they still have. So let's be real. Okay kardashians. Although we didn't get up close and personal. It was still just like an honor to be within ten feet of them. It was an honor. And Kim waved at me. Yes. Bared witness to other we're sitting like three inches behind me. So like when I was looking I was looking at him, and I was just like staring with our smiling. Like the biggest smile ever she presented an award. She made her speech, and then she gave the award to her photographer friends, and then she took a step back and just like looked on as they made their speed. So she had some berries for. Yes. So I like Joe Mulas Heather and Jack you're like a little bit behind me. And I'm just like looking at Kim smiling ear to ear just like, and I guess what? I thought happened was we made contact and she saw me smiling like an enormous fucking free. And she waved at me. And I was like I turn around and go to Kim. Just we that me and they're like no because I waved at her. I would I would say at smiling like a freak and cheese sauce freak. So I realized I had her icon. It was like this object is this little way. But of course, that icy Kim kinda like lock eyes, and then I'm behind her going like this k- Kimberly ad. So the gluttonous things like moment. Shimao that high. She was high and she got she waved, and I was like two Cheech. No, it was really for the three of us think. The three of us. We were all like sticking out. Like, no, I remember had sunshine coming on my high balls. I was like so excited. I was like literally gleaning gleaming get which wild. We're smile was gleaming skin was beaming. Exactly. There you go. It was so wild saying like all these huge huge famous supermodels get up there. And then no one was paying attention to the auction. But then when Kim not up there violence, and you have like, you know, like these just insane cover of vogue models. Trying to snap Kim's photo. I felt like I was in a video game. Yeah. What is happening right now. She really is like another level and she commands. Silence and respect. Yeah. Yeah. It was hard to quiet that room. And I gotta be honest with you. She is truly I can never talk shit about how beautiful she is truly truly comically beautiful and photos. Don't do Justice. No teach. She's short and her frame is so small and like I just love her. Yeah. I'm I'm truly Courtney. I couldn't care less about that. And Tim looks good from every angle like she's wearing such daring dress with her. Are very caring and very tight. And she just looks good from every angle while also maintaining a healthy body. We discuss this. I can only imagine being at her level. You can't even go to get him going to. No, no, you cannot leave the house unless she has fall glam. So when I went to the gift of life Gallo like a couple of months ago where she was being honored Shep. She sat at a table for awhile like trying to enjoy the gala like with the presentation and the guy met his donor, and like she literally had to leave like she couldn't like people will just would not stop myself included, berating her for photos and talking business cards and all that bullshit. It was like a mess so difficulty now, I mean, I got one business card lesson it, and it could stop talking about it. It was such a well done business card. It was must have been vistaprint must have been love is different Michio, actually, my business cards from vistaprint. Com. We have a toasty code that. I didn't use because I got it before. But when I replenish because I've been giving him out hockey left and right actually, the need to redesign. This guy had like his face shaped like a circle emoji. I think his company wasn't emoji company, and you've got to get fit card. Yes. You gotta have to think law. I respect you. If you have like the shitty thin paper. No. Yeah. You gotta get like Vistaprint's, finance and you need like one word on one side of the card. You know, like, yeah. Like creative. And then they they're like, what is she creative urges premium premium. It's like though, like she's almost like celebrity for a photo moment where you're like scared. It's also accounting or business card to someone like it's is incredibly thirsty thing to do. And you just have to own it, you know, business cards because you know, I've always been like a little business lady even young and literally now like sometimes I'll meet people my parents age, and they're like what to follow your stuff. Do you have a card, and I'm like, you know, just got your kids follow me on Instagram because I feel like no might I need someone being like I want to follow. You do you have a car? Do you have a car? That's like the person who shouldn't be. I know speaking of that real quick, you did you have to show me how to like use my phone for good and not evil. Literally yesterday, you paid in the cab. I felt like an eighty year old lady going out with y'all because y'all just hasn't things on your phone. I didn't know bolts stick with me. I will vistaprint wants you to be able to own the now in any situation, which honestly have really hard time doing our listeners are getting five hundred high quality custom business cards starting at nine dollars and ninety nine cents. Usd code toast at vistaprint dot com that is code toast at vistaprint dot com toast at I'm doing that. I one time made business cards awhile back and like I was making them like me. So they were like pink lips on them. And I didn't want him to have a lot of information. So I wanted to be like Jackie areas, you know, E mail for inquiries, and it looks like an escort card. You know, escort one color was the phone. It was pink and gold. Oh god. Oh, and you're like passing them out at like every laws. Tharcisse other rich men who bout table Jackie O E mail three increase terrible. That was the big thing last night. It was just miles and enrichment Yelm and us and us thought there were some legit models. Winning are low is oh, we met Emily D'amoto. Finally for the first time ever, she is too. And just like an angel from God, I would say is or just like bluer than the ocean, and she just had so much personality yet, and she was just like real. She was like I wanted to spent last year someone called me an idiot. I was like, okay. That's hurtful on the road. I mean Ramona we have talked about the Ramon able okay? So we're watching the chains. We have the best speech. I can't even talk see best seat in the house. Like they're performing right in our face like his junk was right there. And then all of a sudden this like I thought it was like a chicken who was like a wasted. Like like barnyard animal. I couldn't figure out what was coming up next only. Because the it was like a lot of noise. If yet her she's a woo girl. She actually it was like, but it was a rooster. Yeah. No. I didn't know it was about to approach. Right earned around in the descend on the deep end. And then it was just Ramona in a bag and dress with her hurting detests own my God out there. And like, I said, I live full Brad who's obvious that they just wanted to say hi to me for my spot because then they literally took my spot and I had like the third best seat in the house. And I was actually really fucking annoyed about it. Because it happened at the exact time Kelsey came onto sing they did four songs in the last time they did with their song with Kelsey, and like says, my friend, and like, I don't know. I just wanted to be the front row, and I wanted her to like see me and like I listen to it. They literally pushed us over as like we were getting pushed over on the red carpet. They push yet. And I wonder if they would have said, hi and like business friendly like if we didn't have Lou back. Yeah. We're they were and Ramona just kept screaming, I love the chain smokers. I love them. And then I turned around and said grew with great, and she's like, oh, I've I've seen the chain smoker. So many times I'll go without Avery every doesn't want to go. But I'll go to the show I've loved the chain smoker. And I was like, you know, what Ramon you do. You know, her true. There's a lyric in one of the songs never getting older remote was like we she got. The song was over. She. We're never getting like no bitch. You are continue those. It was having a renaissance last night. Also, I'm pretty sure Avery locked. No, no, no. That's okay. I don't know what you're going. I just move up. Any other highlights winning Harlow was there. She did a a little bit on stage. And honestly, it was terrible. With the champagne yet, the old thing was every time that these models got up, and I don't know who wrote their scripts it just nobody was being attention. And I looked out because I was wolfing down my food all of the models. You know, there was at predominant accused. Yeah. Like two of them right next to us. They were all Julie. And I realized these girls don't eat all they do is jewel, and then meringue cake last night and know the food Mike. Oh, good. You guys we have to have dinner tonight. A chip uptown one. Yes. Just because I need that cake can the pasta the pasta. Yes. But the the cake like so Japan is for. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they delivered the cake and everyone was like pretty much leaving. So like we were all going to take pictures to the bar that gets out we were headed out. So I literally took maybe six fucking huge bites of Jackie's cake and ran, but then we ended up coming back to the table to enjoy our cake where you took that wonderful photo. And Jackie comes. She's like who ate my cake. They don't worry. Don't look at me thousand other cakes on the tables because nobody touched your food yet. Okay. Good. We also just talk about the actual entree itself. Oh, well, we got the fish because we're kosher bitches. Yes. Fine, berry chewy, just smelled bad. Wasn't. I love smelly fish. Oh god. It's all about it. Yeah. I was just short rib. My short room was to die for. It was juicy flavorful and had a great gravy. And as many, sir Jewish us. Like you made the best choice, Honey. Oh, no. I did the potatoes gratin were great. And then they have the nice. I was like a coal flour vegetable medley delicious. I really like now I'm in the mood tonight. I want spaghetti from shipping on me for dinner and that cake purchaser. Great I ate so well last night at the at the ball like, I did you myself thing. I did you. I'm sorry. Well, in terms of like, I was well fed. No, no. I was eating so much. Like, I forgot I was getting night in the week. Oh, when you do the bar upstairs, and literally they just have like really beautiful chip Brioni bowls that had just big blocks parmesan reggiano. And they're so I've legit and looking around and like nobody's eating the parmigiana. I can eat this, right? Right. Jump to. Jeez. And you guys like when you get to. Gate compared like your size of cake with everyone else's. Absolutely. It's a media when we were walking out we walked past the model table which had they had left and it had a full piece of cake on every plate and they were so much bigger than ours. And I was thinking when I got my cake that it looked like the end had been cut off. And I'm like that's a small piece of cake, and like, oh, I guess they're just giving everyone's one piece of cake because there's models everywhere. But then I walked past model table and they'd big ass pieces. Maybe they were trying to tell me something. No, they want you to tell you anything. They just were probably trying to feed the models. They're like cheating some extra. It was the best. I ever had couldn't stop eating it. It's sobered me up knowingly. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't even tell it wasn't even like a lemon. It was like almost like an almond. And that had a meringue on top. It was it was I knew I thought it was an Polian. No. I don't think it was. I don't think. So either whatever this Beringue was for England, Tom. Yes. Right. Well, earlier it was just burnt. So we thought it was up marshmallow. I don't fucking so ASCA. It was like a big dilemma, but Naseem NAFTA. But it looked like a big deal because it had so many layers to review the menu. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, you guys I think it's ridiculous. Brought up by breaking down. What that's the classic dessert. It's like what they're known for. Is it a tear to my friend at least he would not just Google cheaper Yanni cake. Classic. Yes. It's like the Bellini of cake. It was truly the most delicious thing I ever put my mouth and a top was almost like, you know, like fluff Margaret, yes, I've whipped marshmallow fluff, which I thought was Maranghi h of the nila marine cake. So it settled I'm ordering it to now. Now having flashbacks. How you can make it at home. Oh god. I can't wait, wait. Honestly, the night never ended because we hopped in a cab to go to the after party, and the okay, so Chipper Yanni's enormous fucking place that is on a tiny cobblestone street. It's impossible to get to an impossible to leave on a normal night. Yeah. But like it was this huge event. Literally cars were wind up we get into this cab. And he just didn't give a fuck, and he starts literally going in reverse on like, four blocks. And you know, we were in the back like on our phones. I'm getting interest from the red carpet. Like, we were just so busy. We been notice and people on the street were looking at us. We're like what's wrong? We were we got out of traffic. He's must have saved over an hour and traffic for like a three block radius, and we didn't even care or notice going backwards. I why said guys I think we're going backwards. Like hell. Yeah. Out yard. Going backwards. And then all of a sudden and there's a ship. We're getting pulled over and over like, I'm like. We just went backwards for six blocks on a one way street the wrong way. We're getting pulled over. So we get pulled over. And I said they're like so we get out, and I thought it was real police. So I said no need to be respectful. Like, I just don't know what the law is. Yeah. And New York is another in a cab. It's weird. I've been pulled over in a cab when the police come up, then usually you ask like can I get out, but it was raining, and we were kind of comfortable. So we out cozy. We'll ride this out. Yes, I have been in. Uber's and caps that have been pulled over and before the cop even comes. I just hop out. And it's a thing. Like you're allowed to get out. When you guys are making me, so paranoid. And like, the rain and the dark like, I don't know. I just thought it was a good rain yet. Like, we were really comfortable for the first five minutes. We went live on Instagram, and then it was like stupid, and I was doing foam what we weren't going to get into the after party. So we made we made it a Dell a dart a dash yet. After twenty minutes is hitting the Kevin all you need was your bracelet to get into. And then we found out that the police have pulled us over was not actual police. It was busy taxiing limousine commission police like place, the cab drivers very weird about it. But they don't guns. He had a belt of of stuff. I didn't see gun, but like he had the stick. What's the deal? And he was like, oh, don't worry. It's not the real police. I'm just going to get a fine. Really? It's not the real police insane, wait wedding minute. Yes. He could've told us a little earlier on. I think he enjoyed our company. We're the foot. Did you get that water? This is a ten dollar water for hotel and legit. It's Evian which is a VM sponsor. No. And honestly like. 'cause they chase like weird milk milky water. But it's so I'm doing how it comes out. Just like oh my God. You're ASMAR. Hon? When your pizza Instagram stories last night? We're really Maury. Yes. Yes. And Jeff woke up, and I was like is he awake? I thought it was going to be made slice being able to sleep in the middle of asleep. That is definitely Matadi right now. I have to take him to lunch today. Why? Because you really, yeah. He was like I was waiting for you. I would have eaten the beats. Oh, he didn't the pizza. Nobody wants ice for him. And then he saved me sizes, but he was very heartbroken, and I had one of those moments where I was like now that we're engage. Honey, I have to go out and network, and this is it, and we're on opposite schedules, and it's hard, but I will make time for you. And I was like fuck and married now this would have never happened before. But other word gauge that you didn't come home when you said you were going to all you to do a semi attacks. And I was like I'm sorry. I was I was working you wear. I was working late. Babe soaring ticket a Lux to that the lovers nothing. I mean, if we can get in, but I'm dressed like this. So I don't think so I don't think they care day, which people this whole conversation is making me wanna have fat fuck in rich lunch. I wanted the burger so bad with like state cut fries. Every- every sauce. Yeah. I can't believe we've been sitting here for thirty minutes. We haven't talked about your engagement. Why all my God. And we haven't gotten into we spent by the last night, but muscle tell us a story. So it again, we were done on the turksancacoes at the white mar resort which may favorite place on earth and against what we branded. Yep. Yep. So it's always been way marris. And now, it's just way more night, which is grayish. It's very riche. So we were in the pool and that resorts really special because when my dad was still alive. We would always go down there vacations together. So Jeff knew that if he was going to propose to me like it was coming up on our eight year anniversary and I love ring chopping into summer. So I told them like if you don't do it soon. Like, you're not gonna leave this island alive. I know a guy with the boat with bricks and the fish fry. Yeah. Yeah. At the fish, fry mom, so he built this. He built this giant Sloat. And it was an H for my initials out of like silk flowers until we're like, it's four thirty. The sun's about to set. We're drinking my readers in the pool time debt, really golden hour. Yes. And I could feel a shift in the energy of the pool like the recites people knew what was about to happen. And all of a sudden people just going to start to float away from me. And I was lovely conversations with people from like, Dallas and New York conversation lists. Yeah. I am. I am. You know what? Honestly, they just kind of float to me, right gravitate. I wonder if people on vacation, I love to make friends, but I'm going to let it kind come to me. I'm not going to pursue it. Then people they see this face. She's got to have something to say, right? She said she does. So then all of a sudden our favorite Cabana boy, put this float in the pool. And I thought it was at first I thought it was a drink our Doku, but it wasn't. And that was originally. And then everybody in the pool just like backed up was all news about to happen. And in the middle was a box with one of my favorite flowers in it. And so when he picked up the box, I thought the ring was going to be in it. And of course, I don't like surprises. Like, I love this rice people. But when I get surprised I literally shut down. I blackout. So he picked up the box in the end a little sweet thing about the flower. And my dad it was like this whole thing. And then I just yelled wears the fucking ring. He pulled it out of his swim trunks in the pool. I see this Brown box coming out of his Lacoste shorts. Yes. He just hopped out of the pool put it in. But then he went in the pool with it. Yes. In. Barris dangerous could've fallen out. He well knows in a giant box. But he said he was like I knew I had to get you in the water three Margaritas deep or you would have been because I know the, I know everything. Yeah. He's like you would have been freaking out. And like, you know, like you to dinner, I go to sunset one right to obvious. So then I see a photographer out of the porta my. Yes, lays long-lived snips step. But I'm not like last night class. So then he pulled the ring out, and I just screened. I'm a falcons wife because we have a couple of friends whose husband planned, the balconies in Atlanta. And I told Jeff Jeff we let ring shopping, and I was like I picked up a lot of things. I said, listen, I just want you to make me feel like an NFL wife. Oh, I want their reasonable very reasonable. And so when I saw the ring I just screamed I'm a falcons white now. Can we get a zoom Jake on her ring? It is beautiful. You are in NFL is so unique. Thank you. You know, you're never gonna find someone with that ring. And that's that's why I picked up the setting from Jeff's jeweler eighteen jewelry in New York. And and I saw this with the different stone, and it and I said, hey can got a diamond. He was like, yeah, we can't girl. Nice. That's until now you chew weeks ugly. You feel different. I do a little different people said it changes. I feel like our like I got my old ball and chain. Now, I looked at him yesterday. Go. I've really have to go through with this bid. You've been in eight years. Like you already have a plan. Right. Italy. Italy me and Jackie will be there. I've never been you think. No, not Capri. We're going to do tests Kinney. Yeah. Better pasta better pasta. I'm more of a Tuscan countryside, driving theon. Yes. Scarf around my neck and some beautiful sauce. I will gladly partake. If I could just have one or across the way, I guess I won't like never ending pasta. Done us. Proud and my six. Yeah. We wanna do it like family style where it's like everybody's at like one long toget-, and you just have like insane food again chicken and pasta, and I'll make Boston whatever I everyone goes to Capri. But here's the thing. Capri there's no time of year where it's not just touristy as fuck. So I like being Tuscany Bill a moment. Oh my God. Yes. Berry like orange in green bivalves. I was laughing. I was like what have we convince every really come to Italy and tell them they're saying in the castle, and it's like a fire fest, and we've just like like so funny old thing but student let's do it finer fest Italy twenty twenty one twenty eight Italian toasters, only, garlic bread. That's funny. That's funny. Okay. There is started group. It is now time to get into the fast fourth stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast. Let me consider that really nothing happened. And our first story was amfar recap because we're gonna give you a better recap in any of these news outlets. Oh, yeah. No. We'll tell you what really happened with. We'll tell you. What was for dessert? You're right. The militia and there was a cookie plate that was also. Yeah. Since and been been housing those little fruit things what it was like a custard. It was like a Graham cracker with a custard. And that a fruit on top of to talk about it Heather getting. I'm the plate. And I was like thanks for the heads. He's poppies nothing. If not generous. You know? Yes, weird. Okay. I story in Italy Bieber. Justin Bieber are sharing the cover of this month's vogue, Mr. and MRs Bieber, basically share wardrobe Justin Bieber and Haley, Baldwin Bieber share sense of Salvato, he's been in lockstep. And now they've proven their love of a twinning moment inside the pages of vogue, the newlywed. Couple appears on the cover of the magazines twenty nine hundred issue shop by any liebowitz in the cover image. The popstar wearing only do or homema- shorts. Cradles, his bride clad in a white embellish product dress. But the inside pages is where the bieber's really show their love of a matching matchy look in one shot. They even go as far as what a pair of dill about 'gabon and polka dot pajamas with Haley wearing the oversize top and a matching bikini and just in wearing the bottoms. Okay. So okay. So what I got from you know. At a win. Joe? Kevin. I can share is New York. Giants sweats. Yep. I don't ever know. I hate then couple guys know me to any know me and my big ring right now. Like, I'm wearing how they're saying. We have the same size. We'd if it's like a glove literally, I could not gonna get my fingers sausages. I swell so bad when I drink. Yeah. It's so pretty I don't think wearing the same size close as your husband is great about save. Or did you want to say a one point in time? I did wear runs close. And you know, what it was trying to? Yeah. Yeah. Ooh. It's really nice feels good right? Bowling city length city bit. That is nice. Well, I think there's a couple of other things I would like to harp on in terms of the article now that they wear the same size closed because like that just a Saturn like makes me feel bad. But they talked a lot about sex. Justin was celibate for like a year and a half because he was very much a sex addict richly. Yeah. And it was really important to him. And he's talking about Jesus by exotic. I'd how do you know? No, I just really enjoyed sex. I think bolivar's supposed to. Yeah. No. I think there were all those stories about him. Like, I think he was like engaging in like the lewd behavior got it. Yup. Yup. And there was a couple of other things like the he was saying he actually sounded very sober. Okay. And he said that being a sex addict that was his last vice that he hadn't gotten rid of implying that like he did struggle otherwise with addiction, which was very brave of him to discuss which if you become a huge star, you know, eight years old great. Did you see anyone doing drugs last night? No. I did not know just juuling. Yeah. Well in the bathroom like giving everyone side, I'm like what is ever on up to in here and heroin needles? I gotta get it on, you know. Okay. Do you remember where we're in the bathroom, and I literally like took off my dress visa they as I caught. You gotta help me put my spanked yet. And this tiny thin woman. I couldn't tell she was like she was tied to be like Royal Saudi or on the country was show shouting walked in. And she goes she looked laughed youth. I'm going to go into the stole to promote mine, and I looked at you, and she had a cutout dress like literally the size of it where she wanted to wearing spanks. We would've seen it because my banks took right underneath my. So that you know, Heather literally had our dresses mice baked into readjusted up here and abroad needs to be readjusted. We were just like shameless. We're in the bathroom. I cook is will make she's. She's. I'm going to go into the stole and put my spring. And I just said you want to go get more cake. I cannot no it was bullshit. So so you get a Haley, and Justin cute, and it was actually the article actually made me like them. And like she said at right when we got married I had so much anxiety. Because like literally I just made like a million enemies for no reason because people were just like especially online like waiting for us to fail and like she was little bit talking directly to me. So I wanted to apologize. Yes. And the proof is in the pudding they've been together for awhile at Laos outlasted Peden Arianna. They are more. I guess they're equally legit seeming to Nick and Priyanka except they weren't so extra about their white. I know they were there's no private and that makes it more legitimate. No, we are young. Because skeptics, I know there's something about I really wanna believe in that love because my mom was eleven years older than my late father's. So I love an older woman. She shield earned even realize. Yeah. But she's like inner cities yet. Yeah. And he's my that's crazy. How would you feel if you bought your own age, so but I don't know. But I kind of hear that it's not here on chill. I just wish they went about it in a different way. Like the thirst with all the videos that pictures the Bogue did this never ended yet. You're right people who are as big as stars as they are like usually command more privacy like Haley, Nick. I mean Haley and Justin they're like thirst, monster, Instagram, whatever. And even they are. So probably like, I know nothing about them. And like everything everything I see about them in the press wasn't released by them. It's like a potsy who called the him crying on the beach like everything they do put out by them. And it's weird. Yes. It was weird that the people MAG, and then they had like the didn't never wedding less. We can New Jersey another. S for friends and family in New Jersey, you're gonna make it it's like it. Never ends eleven eleven make a wish meringue take marine cake meringue cake, meringue cake, meringue cake, meringue cake meringue. And seeing that something pretty good. I mean, if you're next story great something that we haven't discussed yet. But it's been all over Instagram, and I don't really care, but a lot of people started to me the bachelor's Kasey ran off addresses docu series. That's currently airing about her and her ex, okay. This is really shady von. I saw this story developing, and it wasn't until he really sat down and read it till I realize how Shadia what's okay, this is the long story short Tassie as was a student at a Christian college. So Heather N who's also on the bachelor, they were filming a show, a siesta key type show in their college. I think it was like a student project. I wasn't on any networks. I think it's like, you know, someone's passion project and they're making like a cool little show. We're like someone who's like studying fill. Yes. But the way that it's package makes it look like a TV show. But I don't think it was on any TV networks, and it tolerates her and her friends, and you know, she's on and off again with her boyfriend. So now, she's on the bachelor competing for Colton and really and winning Colton. And these trailers for the show are coming up. It looks like she's a monster. Who's just like on every reality TV show. However, I think this was filmed a while back her and her man broke up for good before she went on the bachelor that they broke up for a week before she went on the right? And then she's on the bachelor. So it looks shady then I saw post by her ex boyfriend who wrote like Cassie camera really speak for herself right now because Bashar people aren't allowed to do press while they're still show. Trust us. We've sure that he said like things were very much over between the two of us. She's a great girl. I have nothing bad to say you can't plan like what happens in your life. If I had met like the one week after passing I broke up like that's how it was just meant to be. So I totally respect her going on the bachelor. He was like that was the decision that really finalized our break up because they couldn't decide for awhile. All this. Just sounds really normal to me the people are trying to make her look like a thirst Munster weird released a statement and said I'm getting a lot of questions about my ex docu series. Oh, no, I'm sorry. The docu series we filmed before the bachelor, but I don't feel it is necessary that I share all the details. A lot of people are curious and the worst thing is false. Rumors. I didn't want to address this without permission. But he posted. About it today. So I think it's good if I do to kill him, and I dated all through college. And in two thousand fifteen we filmed young ones twenty fifteen a while after our break up. We put our pass behind it became friends. Again, we share a lot of mutual friends, and he is close to my family. We both eat at other people and moved on. But we were never officially a couple of gun. There was a time last spring that we consider getting back together. But that didn't work out. I was open to saying friends. But he understandably thought this was too hard. Just because we didn't work out. Doesn't mean we now hate each other and don't care about each other. Just wasn't right for us since I was the one thing we couldn't be together. This was extra hard for him relationships are complicated. Navigating isn't usually straightforward. We were on offer so long turning into turning it off for good was a difficult decision as a truly didn't want to regret giving up on. If we were meant to be. Oh my gosh. Just reading the statement. If I didn't know who Cassie was, I know the statement, I'm like, oh, she's pretty getting, you know. Mean like I've met like that made me really lightheaded. I'm not gonna Don truly it made me edit maybe tired, really just like wiz through hounded through the auction here one that guy was really like thirsting it up for he made some good money for empire. Last night is on the name of good. 'cause but he was there seasonal we relate every story back to an far because I was like went to the event of another been there. Yeah. And we got it's really why. Because we were literally like, no, actually, actually, I take back statement we disturbed to be there. I'm gonna tell you right now. All those people in the red carpet who didn't want to take my photo. Thank you to the one woman. Yeah. You guess so one woman her name is probably Leslie. And she looked at me. And she goes sweetheart, I'll take your phone yet. No. She was nice. I know exactly you're much about in the front, right? Yep. Yes. We did deserve to be there. No one enjoyed themselves. More than us. No, one eight more. No one drank Lance, no dance, more no-one smiled, one networked more shouldn't really get up. No. It's such a good. See what's way deck him more? No, Kim waves, and nobody more exactly. So we really deserve. We strike. I feel like we really do really the motivators saving to but mitzvahs like we really enhanced the night for others. Yeah. Yes. And for our selves, really set the tone. Yeah. I feel always that way. But then it's like is that what they want? You know, I don't say or do they want it to be like knows in the area? Good question. I don't know. I don't know we all into this bachelor terrible. It's not it's worse. I never watched a single episode year. I'm jealous of all the time. They never counted. As your own. I don't. Worth it. But I like hussy out. I didn't need an explanation for this little show that her students elm friend filmed under the toasters made it a and the way that hurts waiver and spoke about her was very kind. That tells me everything I need to know about her as person is really not a indicative. And also, it's her college boyfriend she's in grad school, which is moved on what we should do the soon. Yeah, I'm over it. And I think what the X said was like those the TV show the docu series is posting on the trailers now in a very strategic way because that she's on the show and they're trying to like trying to get some viewers on their streaming service and it worked. Okay. This next story. He goes back to something. We were talking about yesterday. And we were with TJ last night. I would be to get his take on it. But is more and more aviation bird strike planes in USA more than forty times day FAA data show. So Selley situation is happening forty times a day ten years after a collision with Canada geese force airline pilot Chesley sully Sylmar too. His dramatic emergency landing on the Hudson pilots and airports report as many bird strikes as ever civilian flights. Based in the USA reported fourteen thousand six hundred sixty one collisions with wildlife in two thousand eighteen a USA today analysis of FASD shows that's more than forty a day. Tying the previous year's record. The strikes have been blamed in more than one hundred six civilian deaths worldwide over the past two decades, according to British and Canadian researchers they caused about one point two billion dollars a year in damage. Well, let's tear revive. What's that movie? Where the guy is like things like silly wasn't a hero the planes are built to is it Dennis from thirty rock. No. It's a movie where the guy like he's looking like he finally knows he needs his woman because like she also thinks like solely is on the plane did not fully. I don't know. Oh my God. It's really bothering me one as well. Right in the comments. I mean, this just goes back to what I'm saying today that you call them pilots. I call them bird murderers. It's terrible. And you know, what Justice for the birds, and so we're so gluttonous, and we're so trying to get somewhere. We always just have a place to be at. It's like at what cost list costs four hundred thousand birds. I'll take a bird any damn day birds of sky rats. Okay, pita don't come at me you walk through the streets of New York. Do those things are carrying all sorts of shit, and they attack you they want. Here's something so interesting. I was in Mexico and. I was at don't tell I kept seeing there was three or four people standing on the beach and like the pool area with literal hawks on their arms. Oh chained. And I'm like that is so terrible. Tourist attraction, you're gonna get someone to take a picture with a hawk hawk as a deadly and let him fly. Then I found out there actually there to scare off other birds and pigeons on the beach like that are always eating your food. And then I thought on the whole weekend ended a bird. So I didn't know how to feel about it. Because like I was kind of grateful that there were this is like bird slavery. Right. And it was terrible. He had a they couldn't they just let the hawks fly around and keep them out. Or would you then? Oh, no. Then you get attacked by a hawk or like, the hawks wouldn't be interested in the beach and they'd go elsewhere. And then they'd have to fend solves. Yeah. Or they go to this guy real double-edged sword. Yeah. It was a particular so sad. And then I realized that were useful. And I'm like, I'm selfishly now into this idea because birds on the beach are so fucking annoying so annoying. They always eat your. Is yet my job. That's see. I wanted to get your guys is opinion. That's conflicting Jahic. Here's my thing. The birds like obviously, we have to share the space here air air. So I mean, I'm just glad I'm not getting like sucked out of an airplane unit writing. That's our biggest like in two thousand nineteen. These are still things we have to think about also here's the thing. If that many people are getting deputy blades are getting hit by birds. Clearly, they're just getting hit and go. Yeah. You know what? I mean. It's not actually going into the engine of it all well, it's not affecting unless there are solely. I try to use my words, but I'm still living off from the marina tequila yet. There are several factors that are increasing this which is changing my Gregori pattern owners bigger and faster and quieter turbofan powered aircraft's, which are giving birds less time to get out of the way. Oh, we're literally invading their space a big we we are terrorists. We're literally going up behind them. Yeah. Like on the street and this. Second about. Yeah. It's their space. We are not meant to be thirty thousand feet, and we're going up there invading their habitat and killing their families. It's terrible. It's not right. It's not right. Oh. Okay. Now to make matters worse. We call airplanes birds just put a little salt in the wound metaphorically terrible terrible travel. Okay. What if they may be fixed, the trains, we could take trains, but Europe does it. Well, but the infrastructure in America's such shit yet. You should be able to take a train from L New York like okay and not get a pin? But like, Harry, right Margot pitch, my friend. Her husband took a train from New York to LA because he had to get surgery or something he couldn't be on an airplane, and it was two days in Margot like a whole two days free shops in and go with him. She was wreaking out. It isn't so bad only on a train on a car. We don't move this horrible. Yeah. My worst nightmare full days, even like in the fancy cart with the shower. The. Yeah, I don't know there's restaurant. I would really love it though. They brought trains back, and like, you could see amorous trains, lamb, trains, like Harry Potter trains. Yeah. Me too grades. Yeah. Glad loves sitting down. So. Yeah. And you you have service you have WI fi. You're not like. Yeah. Maybe there's like a cute. Boy. There's no birds start started inter board. Roman known service, the pots like delta one trading. It needs to be nicer from there for two days, and you go through like Wyoming. You could like see things like that whole part of the world. But I just know that Netflix has a movie that's just a train ride from like Bergen to Oslo and you just watch a four hour train ride like stores. Yeah. That's netflix. Toke? Yeah. What's that the old work? You take. It took never heard that. I heard you take a rip a puff you inhale. Let me back in mind saying, I didn't know I'm in my thirties. Story JC Penney's ditching appliances and most furniture from its stores. It's time. It's should also just just give it to the close close. -ployees store. Have employs the us. Yeah. Just come on JC Penney. JC Penney is trying to reinvent itself. Again. It's getting rid of appliances and most furniture to return its focus to clothing sales. The company hasn't turned a profit since two thousand ten and it forecast. Several more years of losses. New CEO? Jill Soltau pledged quote, quick action to put JC penny on the path to profitability explained to me JC. Penney hasn't been profitable in two thousand ten but last year, they did this whole thing with influencers Jacques Panay, and they literally paid influencers upwards of fifteen thousand dollars. Maybe that's why they're in the tank shock Panay. That was a good idea. They wanted to do like a fancy store so they made a joke. Benny. JC penney. It didn't like target for great. Right. Fucking love. Don't you think? JC? Penney doesn't have any good brands in it. Nobody's it's like like like, what is she C penny gives me that. I can't get cells. Yeah, they were selling appliances. And now enclosed, but they're taking out like all the kitchen stuff. So it's going to be clothing store. I literally didn't even know you could buy microwave at JC Penney. I thought it was just a penny. No. I thought it was just a retail store like for clothes. It's going back to what I already thought. It was it was like no one's like old school Sears, you know, back in the day. You should see your situ washer dryer all your give it when I think of Sears. I think appliance on t shirts. See this problem, they need to rebound because when I think of J C Penney including I think more like TJ Maxx, they need just a new name. It's a terrible name. Maybe they should call it. But it seems just do. Oh penang. Then it sounds like a cheap story something. Oh, yeah. Yep. Oh, yeah. Look a dollar store. Just a. They could JCP now when it comes to topic HPV. And also when it comes to like having names of stores be like initials. It's never good. Yeah. BJ's? Celebrate. Jason betcha. Never been. I think it's like WalMart. I think it's tedious, right? A BJ's superstore. Yeah. It's like a like a shitty, Sam's Club. I dunno. Tim's called. They don't have any. Okay. Say it's like a shitty, Costco. Oh, scholars go. Lions LJ's. Nari. Cool. Have you? Electron ix. But I'm pretty yeah. It's Costco's king. Then Sam's Club them BJ's. Got it. Okay. Yeah. Then walmart. Oh, but I'd like WalMart. Walmart price match guarantee. Are you really away? I've price matching shit. Claudia for like a TV? Yeah. Rollover layover layaway. No, I don't I was going to the south. So I don't home arts, and I can say that. Okay. What do you like, why don't you? Why don't be J? No. But why don't people from the south like WalMart? I'm sure people in this update, WalMart, I just don't like it. Because where when I went to school in Mississippi. That was our only store the gar- only store was a WalMart. And I would just like would be like we're star. Jay not target is literally store on earth. Is it just you know, what I don't want to charge keys, and when I go to WalMart. I get a lot of lot of cheese. I agree. But you can't get anything you need. Okay. This is true. Was that our last story? I was our last story. Wow. I feel refreshed anything else. Now. I just like to be I'm. I'm so hungry where we going lunch. Oh, you have to go. I have to go. I'm starving and I'm slightly over. So yes, that's a great reason. And way to end Lindsey gentlemen, it has been absolutely pleasure hanging out with you. Make sure you are tuned in tomorrow. We have Julia Puerto and Calcio in terms. Yes. Key TV NFL be here. Oh, really? Yeah. Have to go to the courthouse. That's fine. Gono into the the lead. You can't be might have inch will coho to get married tomorrow gun, and again, then we'd met we obviously want wanna come now. I yesterday, but the last time I didn't go to the courthouse because of a guest on the toast, really busy in the jury duty. Now, it's interfering with our vacation. It's a whole thing. Thank you for being here. You guys make keep up with there on her Instagram. Heather McMahon came. Action is to censor notes. Kyle my middle day. But when I tell people on the phone because he never. Yeah. It's Heather Tae like heard action McMahon. Yeah. Like oh. And then they actually perk up because I think I'm a credit. I know I'm just is Heather McMahon taken. No. But I just I it's always been okay. I like it to move data McMahon. No BU. Do you Heather Kyle? Ooh. If you really like wanted to take where fidora's and stuff yet you can be yet. When double that's a really nice name like thirty zero answer keep out other tile. Oh, yeah. She's so pretty she's amazing style. Have you seen her ankle? She has a really thick neck. Also that one photo that they did take Getty images my neck decades, so thin. That's just like my life picnic thin Ingles. See you later. Bitches guys love you will see tomorrow.
Brett Davis has never seen Jay and Silent Bob Reboot
"Serving in a world where every conversation is about what movie or TV show? You just see this is never seen it. Comedians rewriting famous movies and TV shows. They've never seen what is up everybody. Today's episode Brett Davis has never seen Jay and silent. Bob Reboot I'm here record the Intro Todd Sklar. I am not on this. He's not on this episode. He was just here hanging out. And so then we decided to do this intro. If you're listening to this right now when this episode comes out tonight we have a live show at the lyric theatre. We have Sara Schaefer. Solomon Giorgio Danny Jealous Dave Ross and a Gilchrist rob as people have been all over. Tv greedy from Todd. There will be at this show That's it lyric appearing at seven. Pm The day. This comes out which is Thursday march twelfth. So please come to that. Tickets are at lear. Ick IBERIAN DOT COM or Kyle dot com slash. Never seen it or you can google. You know what I mean so you tell. People were get tickets and you're just like they'll figure it out you can find please. Don't they always on twitter and an INSTAGRAM FOLSOM? Ronald people still use to wear both falls on instagram twitter. That's a riposte ticket links and if people come to the show tonight we can keep doing them. Not only in l. a. But other places We have one in Denver actually on the twentieth. That's a week in a day from when this comes out. Friday March twentieth. I won't be attached unless somebody wants to invite you. Denver but that's in Denver and lemon you can take us that Kyle. Dot Com slash. Never seen it. You can get that there and it's at the Denver comedy underground. It is Friday. I'm trying to really promote these. Like when people come to live shows because they're so fought off the best It is at the Denver comedy underground which is at Let me find the location. Irish snug You know what I changed my mind. I will get that show but Denver. That's Friday March twentieth. Come to that Now we've got a live show there and that's GonNa be so fun. Denver comedians doing it. That's like the best comedy scene in country right now is in Denver. So I'm excited for that and so come to that. It's eight o'clock on Friday March twentieth if you know people in la or Denver tone to come to live shows La Tonight Twelve Denver March twentieth. They go well. We send other places these numbers and they let us do them there and then we keep doing it. I like doing a live show So much but that's there. We go the twelfth in La. That's today the twentieth and Denver. I've been talking too long about it but I really want people to come out fall on instagram twitter. You can find the information they are. Kyle Dot com slash. Never seen it. I can't afford a domain just for the show so it's a sub domain of my domains are back They're cool and today's brought. Davis Davis has never seen Jay and silent Bob Reboot. I like when people do these. Very specific types of things especially a reboot of a movie. That also wasn't that long ago right really. I think it came out twenty nineteen but this is so fun. Pat Byrne also on your. He's so funny Brett you may know from the Special Without Brett Davis which was public access show in New York so so wonderful and he's just press one. He won the Andy Kaufman Award. He so funny so unique. He's never seen Jay and silent. Bob Reboot and I wanNA tell you. Brett wanted to write this. In the style of Kevin Smith. He worked so hard. And so it's important that you know this because you're like who would say these Kevin Smith would so he specifically wrote in the style of Kevin Smith like riding nineties movies with the vernacular and stuff like no homo and stuff like that that you don't really be able to say when the writing something anymore it's a loss cadence? It's for the better. What he's never seen Bob reboot and if you're still listening to this I'm GonNa make separate thing for this to introduce it but at the end of the episode way before this was ever a podcast when it was just a live show. I thought it could be a good idea for podcast in this. When I lived in Queens I had come over with some comedians and we recorded a sample episode of the podcast to try and send places to get this sort of like a pre pilot pilot where Brett had never seen dead pool. And so there's a bonus Brett Davis scene at the end of this where he's never seen deadpool. Alex plane that Again to put in a in in term right there but this is Brad Davis has never seen Jay and silent Bob Reboot. It's so fun. We're joined by Pat Byrne as well too great episode. You'RE GONNA love it come to live show tonight l. a? Come to live show in Denver on the twentieth And thank you very much. Enjoy it you ever talked to. People as their influences are sorry by me. My computer people ask you what your they're like. Comedy and mine are some stand ups but honestly a lot of if I'm being honest about the comedy stuff I laughed at the most growing up was looney tunes. Bugs bunny bugs bar. I love bugs bunny. I Love Marvin the Martian yet I love Daffy and then on Jackass. I watched jackass and I was like this at least made me think I could make comedy on my own. I hate anything that has to do with bodies or food jackass so it kind of just like cuts like the Stevo World of it ice age but watching them Skateboard in a loop. Sure and they meet. That made me think I could make stuff on my own. Say and then you know sometimes some stand ups and stuff but whenever you hear a comedian. I don't know if we're all like relatively the same age I think when you hear someone that I just was really into Carl and Lenny Bruce and prime and you're like what yeah when that weirds me. Oh it's like the musicians Jimi Hendrix. The cow is relevant to you and you understand there's influence and there's importance and stuff like that but nothing that they ever said. I'm just getting to the age. Where something George Carlin would have said could apply to my life and I was like sixteen. He's I saw him when I was in college and I think he is. As Cranky is my mom. Said he would be this. Chick set artless podcast. I think our court our interest separately. So we'll do this game involving my dad at the beginning and then we'll read the script and then we have a couple of other. We use those cards last game. I can't remember we did okay. And then we have a couple of games that we play And that's pretty much it. It's you know maybe our tops and we're good and go off the rails as much you want to go off the rails. The rails are are nonexistent. Grab grab instruments you want or grab grab one of these waters and take that xylophone if this is this thing for anything in. I'm trying to see where it would apply in this particular. And so then take anything you WANNA use for the whole podcasts. Not just the scene. Jingle Bells And so let's we aren't we're at the PUCK is we're doing it. This is never seen this podcast where I have comedians rewrite famous movies and TV shows. They've never seen before today in studio having never seen Jay and silent Bob the reboot particularly Johnson of reboot. Jay and silent Bob Reboot his Davis. Thanks for being here my pleasure. We're also join a student here right. Pat Byrne they haven't seen it either. You haven't seen yeah it'd be just come out just yet. It's pretty reason I mean it's it's easy to say we haven't seen it because it's out in theaters now. An Oscar screener sort of. It'd be fun if you made a movie like this. That you know isn't going to be if you put up Oscar Screener watermarks in your actual movie show in the theaters and stuff like that and it just says like this is not meant to be shared around. I just what parasite yesterday and those are invasive and take you out of a movie especially one with subtitles right. It's weird when they of your name on this. They made this movie for Bret God. It doesn't feel like it. We're also here in studio with our producer Rebecca Steinberg. She's here she has seen movies. So it comes in handy. Henry I have not. I have not loved Kevin Smith as a human being but I will not watch. This is spots. Is Jane Silent Store? And I didn't know. I think I was confusing this for. I've never seen any Jay and silent. Bob Movies I've seen movies with Jay and silent Bob in them dogma. Yeah but I. I haven't seen a specific titular J. J. Rey movie but I have and I haven't I was confusing this for what is the Keanu Reeves time traveling movie. That's also being remade intent. Bill and Ted. I've never seen any bill and Ted's Either don't know much it all sort of like falls in the same. I kinda missed not like Corny but like Yeah like cool corny comedies in the nineties. Yeah well I think it's worth explaining the context of silent Bob that Kevin Smith Maiden indie film in Nineteen ninety-four. These two like dudes outside of a convenience store is characters one was himself. Yeah it was all a clerk so this all of these movies and these characters come from clerks Well then they made a like a pretty broad the teen sex room. Comedy and Jan Silent. Bob Are in it. And that's mall rats and they made a like kind of semi serious indie Film Chasing Amy and Jay and silent. Bob like pop up in it the minute they made dogma which is really kind of broad like religious comedy. I like dogma. And they're also in it and then they're like now it's time for the victory lap. They may Jane a strike back. Which is where I stopped. That's I haven't seen a movie in that and you ask universe. I stopped watching movies. No I haven't seen a view. Ask Universe movie. You could almost call it the Jason mewes universe. Because does he do much aside from B. J. and these movies remember he was on the tonight. Show for like a minute of correspondent. Jay Leno's tonight show Jay Leno's tonight show. Yeah we're GONNA Jason Mewes. That is the Jason. Walking was the name of that one outside giving the pulse of the city. Exactly I don't I don't Fall Kevin Smith for just doing whatever he wants to do. He seems like a pretty decent lake. Positive Dude Yeah but his movies are not good. I like his I like his happy passionate. Phantom about things like that. He's super positive about all of the NERD. World that he is he's been involved with it since and kind of part of what blew it up and now he's still one of the positive ones and not the comic book stuff sucks now. It was only good when I liked it. You know what I mean. He's not like hips during all right. Saw the birds of prey trailer. I cried he's still excited. For the seven hundred thirtieth comic book movie as everyone was to see Spiderman two or whatever and I liked that sort of like a what they call gates wide open type of thing. There's no gate keeping with him and I appreciate that. Yeah Kevin Smith also named his daughter Harley Quinn in real life God Harley Quinn Smith Hollywood blinken. You'll Miss Ed. She doesn't say anything. She's one of the Lena Dunham's group. She's so she's one of the girls on the ranch. Yeah she's one of the girls crazy. She didn't say anything but she's there carly she's not say anything that's crazy. She was born yet. I love learning stuff about Jason Betcha about Kevin Smith Jason. Mewes the first thing I ever knew about Kevin Smith which is the entrance to his world. Is I liked screen? I was getting screenwriting class when I was in film school in Missouri and I started watching movies along with scripts and that was something that Filmmaker friend of mine said to do. He's like it really helped him learn to write to watch and he's like watch boogie nights. Will you hold the script and you'll understand how visually you can write for the screen. Watch this watch and then somehow amidst all these things I rented a Kevin Smith live I W W Q Toronto and I watched it and I was like this is. It's not stand up right. It's sometimes funny but then I remember someone asked him a question during the they're like. I wrote a script. We read it any host. No then the guy was like what it was like. I don't want to be mean but think about the avenue and the pressure you just put on me and I was like this is weird. Everyone makes me feel weird and I didn't see clerks for seven years but that was that was the only thing I knew about. Kevin Smith was not reading a script on demand in a theater in Toronto. Actually did that in college to Spike Lee. Really Speaking Wasilla. No no no chance suggest you know jump at it. Opportunity take it and then I raise my hand. He's like well. I'm actually looking for a job in film. I'm having a hard time getting my foot in the door. Would you give me a job? No and he goes like full screen. What school is a Montclair State University? Okay I've heard stories about Spike Lee visiting colleges and talking to film kids and telling them like just it not not at worthless but that he it has not much to do with film and mostly about various cultural things. They're ruining yeah. Excuse me Mr Spike Lee. I'm I'm a Early Twenties White Man Gotten curly in college. Yeah I think he may do the right thing for me. Do you have any. I mean I was doing it more as a joke. I think I had stopped going to classes and all my professors were there. They were like I could see doing it as a joke. But I I'm wow I also Garcia. Never heard that story working out and then of all the people. It'd be the kid who skips class all the time but shows great promise and then this this is how it goes on the way here that he saw his transcript. Recently you go ahead all the things that professionally do now I failed like classes for feel similarly video. Editing acting writing best student academically a failure. Yeah put in practice and I only had one film class that ever actually provided me knowledge in film making that of used. I don't everything I learned was from the guys I borrowed cameras from in the town but they weren't had nothing to do with the college and do you know what I mean. I mean almost these were the guys who are like. Have you heard of pavement and I was like okay? Listen to music. You know what I mean like opens up. Oh this is my cultural niche. Is these three guys who still make all of the film stuff in the college town? I was at the screen nine class. Oh I failed. I got to present ideas for the movies we wanted to make and the movies. I got to present like three three ideas. You're right Three vague treatments you pitch them and one of the one I really wanted to make was about three guys who remake Lord of the Rings. Try and make money. And this isn't like two thousand seven foreshadows too. Yeah and I was like how funny would it be if two years after this? They're like that made the most money ever. Let's make it. And so they remake Lord of the Rings on a shoestring budget to try and pay rent and then it just ends up with them getting sued by the state. And you know all this. I was so passionate about that. And then the other one was about like coping with my dad has twelve brothers and sisters and when their mom died it like fragmented their family because it became there's twenty years apart and everyone's relationships are very calm and so when their mom slowly died of alzheimers it fragmented their family because of the tangible fight for the actual physical things because they only owned thirty and then I position president. Those two ideas. I didn't have a third one. I riffed a third one and I was like the other ones about a road trip where two guys try and find this animal. They thought they saw and that was the one that teachers like. That's the one you have so I wrote this horrible hundred page thing over something. I wasn't passionate about. It all turned it in got an F. physical screenplay with a red F on the front. Yeah and it's like that's the most work until my life where I put way more work into way bigger failures. That was the most work I've ever put into something. I don't care about this. I can't believe this is what I landed on. And now here. I am investing. You can't fail in your adult life in the way you fail in college because like that's at least it's like an accomplishment whereas college like you wouldn't be writing this if you were assigned it. Yeah Yeah and I say it's so worthless is insane. You should have us back and read that script here hundred page script my goodness that would be no point in my life have Ivan inch towards the vulnerability that this is all the layers of masking. I mean you know me. The layers of masking over any actual like that's almost the vulnerability is knowing how much I hide it all behind actually any ernest ear or anything like that truly to the detriment of a dozen relationships probably both friendship and intimate throughout my life anyway. So that's Kevin Smith spent his whole. I'm Debbie page. I think we just read. Let's let's read the script you can cast it however you want this. Jay and silent Bob Reboot okay. Would you prefer to read Stage Directions? Role? I'm GonNa give you that because I feel like I've got Jay's voice okay down pat and then the other roles her kid one kid to Kevin FEDOR line and Dante Randal and customer. This is a real test of our theory of whether people enjoy something knowing the spoiler not get to experience it with that. I mean a in my mind's eye Kevin Federal Line has a top billing on the poster for this I'd love to do Dante. Yeah Could you be the kids And Kevin Federal Line. I guess could you be the the kids in the customer and Kevin Federal Line could be Taine Randall? Yeah okay that's they think an easy way to do it. Something's gotTa give phone would have written a phone seen if I had thought it's just one of those things you figure out on set photoshop. The posters I put the People's face. I'm so excited for this one. I looked at the poster and I'm like we got good faces. We got notable shaped bodies Okay and I think a caveat I. I'm writing this not from the voice of breath but from the versus looking. Thanks I think the word Homo comes up in a pejorative percents off completely performed under the guise that this is what I think is what you think Kevin Smith wrote. Yeah Great and then I got a little carried away and started writing really would like to see. I'm already here. We go Jay Bob Reboot never seen by Brad Davis Exterior quick. Stop Grocery New Jersey morning. Jason Bob Stand outside of small convenience store. We have close up of their faces which have deformed into grotesque ugly Fellini esque caricatures of the once familiar faces. We remember from the nineties. Close up on silent. Bob whose dramatic weight loss makes him appear like a withered old man. Wearing a Kevin Smith skin suit not unlike the old six flags dancing man from the old commercials. Close up close up on Jay. Whose face looks less like a punk kid. Now has withered wrinkled. Look now has a withered wrinkled. Look of a sixty year old. Construction worker is new teeth. A bluish white give the weathered face a slightly ankeny via valley vibe. He speaks his once. Youthful voice now sounding James Gandolfini smooch to the niche motherfucker. Silent Bob Nods in approval and I should mention that all Ajay's lines have the parenthetical shouting. Everyone wearing headphones. I'll just slightly shouting today's Day Bro. These fat cats in Washington. Dc New Jersey decide if the snooty Bucci's or could it be legal New Jersey. Then we'll be able to get high as mother focus but that the five. Oh getting in our grill all the damn time. Silent Bob Watson approval. And we're GONNA run Jane. Sound Bob's pipe dreams New Jersey's first-ever legal dispensaries island. Bob Knots and approval. Three eight year olds presumably sons of Kevin Smith's friends roll up on their hover boards. Hang with their smartphones. Oh Shit he comes little rascals. Sorry boys but my rule is not just trying to get some vape coils. We don't sell that Shit. That's bad for your health. Hit me with the all natural. Bob Light the majority puts it in Jay's grotesque mouth. You homos doesn't he doesn't he. Does he also put his dick in your mouth to kids? High fiving laugh silent. Bob makes a jerk off gesture. Come on little man. This is New Jersey. We don't pump our own grass. What's up with your face. Your mouth looks like Superman. Cgi UPPER LIP. Justice League reluctantly nods in agreement. Don't respect any benefits like Jersey girl. That movie was the bomb dot Com. J. Cyber Rave raise ever so slightly beneath the dramatic wrinkles of his forehead silent. Bob Aggressively nods in approval. You will losers needs to get with The Times. It was only one time to get with. And that's more stay in the time. So Bob begins to dance kind of jungle plays. Jay licks his finger in Panama Finger. Which is dance. I guess okay boomer. Let's go you guys gen-x pro. What's a Youtube silent? Bob Maybe these kids right. If we're going to open up pipedreams we need to learn. About what the millenniums are into silent. Mouths millenniums physically calls me acting with the nuance of Scooby Doo cartoon. Let's go to our man Dante. Interior Quick Stop Grocery Day. Jamieson Bob Walk into the quick stop groceries from clerks where? Dante's working register the age. Dante still has thin goatee. Is that the main guy a look. That was bad in nineteen ninety. Four half of the stores now vape shop. He's talking to Kevin Federal Line. Who was making a cameo Mr Line? You got your e CIGS. I don't have any paper. Spank mags here anymore. Can't you just go on the Internet porn on? The Internet now might have to make a little pearl jam. Later makes a jerk off gesture. You're playing with fire. Homo came out Pope Airlines big brief solo music. Playing with fire is the name of his album. That one's for the Fans Dante. Wondering all these Gizmos you sell here now. They had to replace the newsstand with vape liquids and accessories. I thought you guys would know about this kind of stuff. We're trying to learn about what the kids are into these days. Like I told you K Fed. Why don't you go on the Internet? That's not a bad idea Dante. Where do we find it? You don't have a smartphone. What's a smartphone you guys? You guys have about thirty years of catching up to do. Randall sells them next door. Dante breaks the Fourth Wall and looks into camera to say his famous line from clerks. Not even supposed to be here today. A musical sting implies. The audience may be cheering too much to hear the next race. Interior cell phone store. Randall is having a conversation with a disinterested custom. I mean Tony. Stark is an engineer. He has no prior knowledge of quantum physics let alone pin pin pin particle. So why is the first guy in in the avengers? Turn to when they want to invent the Einstein Rosen Bridge instead of say bill. Bill foster a fucking biochemist who previously worked on project. Goliath with Hank pipe dream. I just want to buy an Alexa Randall. You motherfucker well if it isn't tweedle dip shit and Tweeden. Don't fuck you homo Internet. Excuse me I said can I purchase Alexa? Who IS ALEXA? Does he have a fat ass? Because I want might WANNA buy ride to. You've never heard of an Amazon Alexa. No but I know that xena chick and I'd like to fill her cream. Cheese withered either old face attempts to make his tongue flap. But it just looks like he's having the saddest stroke ever silent. Bob makes a jerk off gesture. Alexa is the emphatic. Vote for the surveillance state. My stupid friend emphatic. Sorry and no I will not sell you a microphone to Jeff Bezos. Good Day sir. Buck you home son. Bob makes a jerk off gesture we these report record people's conversations under the guise of convenience then Amazon can plug into this live feed and learn everything about everyone. Not Unlike professor. X'S CEREBRAL MACHINE SILENT. Bob Nuts and approval. Hear THAT SOUND UP. All we need to learn about the last thirty years is find the cerebral machine plugging and then we'll be able to make our wheat dispensary. The first big business. When the sticky icky gets legalized but to get to it. You might have to kill. Jeff bezos. The let's jump on it like the sugarhill gang. Apache jump on it by the sugarhill gang. Plays Jay and silent Bob Dance. Though Jay's dancing pantomime fingering a woman from behind to be continued oh Princeton's kind of. Yeah yeah some freeze frame. Slow motion break dancers come out of nowhere with cardboard put on the ground. Apaches the way to go at the end of that. I know this song that's my contribution because even hurt the song or did you just write. This down ended up being a song. Yeah I'm shocked. Patchy parenthetical jump whole playlist which is just guess. What the for song the rest of them are. Other songs are at that point can also find it under Carlton Dance Fresh Prince Is that the song that's what he danced ten K. or is up everybody. It's Kyle I got to tell you about stubborn. Says NEW PODCAST CALL? Chelsea hosted by Chelsea Friggin Peretti Chelsea. Pretty like the funniest person in the world. She's new podcast here on star Burns. It's called call. Chelsea Chelsea answers. Listener calls live on air talks about whatever topic they want unless they're topic stupid and then she'll hang up on you which is probably just as fun to listen to his actual people calling in her friend inside. Kit Kool Kojak Chimes in mostly Chelsea just gonNA roast him for making noise drinking coffee on Mike. This Chelsea Pretty Call Chelsea. I A new podcast with Chelsea pretty. That should be enough to get anybody to listen They'll talk about everything from Chelsea's upcoming album awesome to the climate crisis. Now does awesome important to reality dating shows. Maybe the midway point there you can call in with the topic prepared at your own risk of ridicule and be sure to subscribe and download wherever you listen to podcasts. Call Chelsea Chelsea Pretty podcast. You'RE GONNA listen. Go listen I think it's I won. His movies probably feel dated to watch. Don't they yes it has to? I it is. I know that he's sometime. I don't know if he's still a large short-sea dust large short and the The Basketball Jersey Jersey's hockey hockey jerseys at large sleeves. I saw him one time in New York and a large Hockey Jersey. And I was like. You don't really see someone who look okay. It starts to feel like his stroke. If you think you're the only one hearing Apache he really looks like you think he would look. Yeah as weird as that sounds. That's exactly that's exactly Eddie. Seems Nice on the Internet. The people and the characteristic of Johnson Bob again like Brian Halloran thin goatee were also somewhat dated and like ninety four. Yeah Yeah it's like a lot of like Dick Jokes. Gay Jokes Fart Jokes Shit Jerks Etcetera. Yeah Yeah I think you nailed it in a time capsule since the last movie and like they haven't been aware of anything that's happening really lots of times it really. I mean I say that feels like what the movie would probably be about. I think is them. That's once again. That's the bill and Ted movie where their daughters and female. It's like the girls are the new villain Ted this I really think it's probably them freaking out about smartphones. Like the plot to the movie would've been in two thousand seven but somehow it's twenty twenty and the kids still say homos as a slur for sure well in Leonardo New Jersey where the quick stop grocery is still to this day. I think I think Kevin Smith owns that lot. So it's still there still an active convenience store and they're still an empty two stores next to it and that they use it for like a location but also like that one convened serves. The only one in the surrounding area keeps that local neighborhood going the only shop in that neighborhood in that part of kind of a rural ish but also sure town kind of middle class to lower income neighborhood. I think kids still do say that. I don't know if would be the specific slur affiliates very dated in the Ninety S. I questioned and then I was like Kevin Smith is writing for these. He's writing and it's not it's unreal. Children kids yelled at him in nineteen ninety-three probably sure kids would yell at him. Loitering type of thing is probably what they still yell. But yeah the shop still there which is crazy if anyone knows the specific slurs regional slurs tweeted. Us tweeted us any. We're GONNA start the slur bracket next week. We're going to find out the most prevalent sixty four top slurs. It was closer to Philly at the John. Jay W N really well that's not a SLURP. It's IT'S PHILADELPHIA. Talk for anyone like but also these things would be. John's like it'd be like how you are how you John's doing. Can I pick up one of these John's play? It's like it's just like that thing right there. Yeah like kind of what it means is also means you or that laptop or this mike or kind of like that because then it's so vague. I mean I don't like it at the slower book isn't quite vague. If it can apply equal opportunity insult it's not rooted in hundreds of years of oppression. Yes and a historically lighter heavy lorries just sorta like. I'm trying to be casual. Here's the thing I hate. Yeah Day today. Oh what do you show? I'm GONNA show you a picture someone who just cut you off. You let me know what comes to mind. Has Anyone here? Seen Janet say Jay and silent Bob Strike Back. You have so I think it shows in this because there's they there's a commonality. There's a thread in the sense of them. Not knowing technology because at the end of the movie of Jamestown pop strike back they are so unaware of what the Internet is even in two thousand and three or whatever. That movie came out that they're like what we print it out this list of all the people that you know. Somehow they got the addresses right of the people that commented on like negativity towards their movie. That the that we just saw so they go to their houses to punch them in the face like them or something so like they're so unaware of how it works. Then that this would I think be appropriate in that world and it should relatable thing so it feels like eras caught up is like a training video at a new job. Those corporate videos every remake them and so the everything was very old ties very different Asia and the behaviors. Just something your past. But you have to watch this. There's sort of living in this maybe two decades. I think I think it's also a worthwhile wrinkle to say that Pats on the best show. Let's I'm sharply and The one of the producers on it if you make was a comintern. That's right on like the Kevin Smith Message Board and he was his name was B. Buster. Yeah it was B- Buster and Y- and that's how he gave. I think he would make fun of Kevin Smith movies. Such a part of it that he wound up getting a cameo in the movie or something. I didn't know that I know I know he got. He Got Kevin Smith to call to call Tom on the best show just from provoking him on this message board he got. He Got Kevin Smith to call. Tom Which Tom was not even looking forward to but he was like well. I guess this is happening. It was all through that message board. He got a cameo. Didn't even know this is just something. It is such a Kevin Smith just specific existence in nerd culture. Which is now the most prevalent. I think film thing but it such he somehow just existed off to the side and I don't know if it's because also would've like a massive influence on independent film because clerks was such an insane success but it's so he doesn't come up he doesn't really come up unless you're talking specifically only about him it such a weird thing but he does. He's almost obsessed with this fans's fans are with him and it is. It does feel like He. He exists sort of like the lost message. Board world existed where everyone talked about in this one community and then that was almost ramped up to be more like bigger than the actual show this. He exists like an idea to take a side on online. Yeah I mean it was like Tarantino Kevin Smith. Yeah it was like the next year. There was like yeah. The turned away in these Kevin Smith. Making the funny independent movie that he made for. What like fifty thousand dollars. It was the Jersey new way up. Also we're saying that both PAT are from New Jersey and it sucks. The they're like they're so few people that like wave that flag and then just flag. There are all kinds of bad like so many people from New Jersey League. If you looked at a list of actors from New Jersey you'd be like Oh my God it's like half of Hollywood Serandon Meryl Streep the few people that are actually like Yeah Jersey or like Kevin read. This guy wears the Jersey old ones new ones. So what's the best movie to take place in New Jersey? I would say what do you think a because this. What do you think people associate I with them? What do you think is the best movie? Take Place in New Jersey for me. Missouri. I say this. Lot roadhouse is the best movie to take place in Missouri. I think roadhouse is perfect But now it's not a movie but Ozark is what people shove as Missouri now or honestly the wizard of Oz. Even though it's in Kansas. Do you know what I mean. They do like the you know what I mean. You're Kinda in there. But it's roadhouse the best one I agree and then I would say Ozark or unfortunately. Three billboards is what people will associated with it. I mean for sure the Sopranos. Oh yeah that's the thing we can't really call it. We can't really call it a movie but but can't we. I mean it's kind of like if I'm going to say you got. This thing is quintessentially. The I think that's what people know about. The state comes from that show. If bread hadn't said it I would have said it because it captures captures this. We use the term there sometimes but like a Jersey Anna of this mythos of like landscape and just story and people and like dialect and it's just all culture. It's it's weird but it's all their Sopranos Goodfellas takes place in New Jersey. Little Bit Probably. Long Island is all kind of it's a blurred line for like that you know the part. We grew up in his sort of that. Half at half an hour away from Manhattan sort of northern New Jersey East Jersey which we just call North Jersey. But it's it's kind of more specific than that but Yeah Jersey's condenstate you've got people of all different classes living there but all different people in there is the most densely populated state in the nation but cities beaches forest yet. Everybody sounds a sally and everybody say Yeah. Go ahead go go go you know. It's such a dynamic touches. All they love diners you ever. I don't even. We talked about Diners Today. On an episode which dynasty that one zero one three days in a row. I like that place is a Elliot's got some good diners. New York we as bad at diners. Not Compare to New York. City is terrible diners rate at diners. New York City is tricked by neon dollar eggs. Because it's off the G and the L my gremlins right by that one. Yeah talking about the Kellogg. The Kellogg Fellow Kelly's Diner Williams Brooklyn most disappointing thing. That's ever happened to me in any capacity had family die. This thing is the Kellogg diner because it's such a perfect location short cool. It looks charm fighting. It looks like what it it kind of looks like what you think. Living in New York will be like variety move there. I'm GonNa live in the thing from that show. I'm going to eat at that place. And then you get there and you like actually. You're living in the thing from no show and you're eating nothing. I couldn't agree more. Yeah it's it's a trick it's a trap what we eat out of necessity. Sometimes because it's like the only it's open it's open. We have no other option gyms. I like right down the street lobby. Hash Diner a restaurant. That's what New York does a lot a lot of these restaurants under the guise of just. Your menu is one page front and back. And because you're seating sucks doesn't make you a diner amen. Let's say Elliot's Diner. Culture is superior to a LOT OF PLACES JERSEY. We talked about diners on some so. That just came out and someone was like. Hey you can talk about diners without like. There's more there than that gets a thing. Huge part of the culture loved. Chris gathered just did a a free album about New Jersey where he perfectly dice sex. What makes it a diner doesn't and there's like a kind of like a fake diner thing where it's like you and if you're not open twenty four hours get the hell out of here comes or if they don't butter the toast in the kitchen if they just give you like a slob of butter and they expect you to have it melts like you're not a diner. Okay yeah people even tagging them talking about New Jersey Diners I know. He's the quintessential New Jersey Guy. Not He's not a state but I love diners. There's some good ones. What's your diner? Hate in Los Angeles. Nothing's open twenty four hours in Los Angeles twenty four hours. La is open till nine. That's the equivalent of over twenty four hours. One is but a lot of things are not a. Lotta things are even this three. Pm Close the bright spot. Isn't that bright spot just started being open late in? This is such an whenever whenever you come on. This is a specific thing. I Love Diner. I Love Diners and I love gas stations. I love going and being on the road and being like it's certainly a privilege of mind and never feel unsafe. You know what I mean and I'm like I love joint truck stops a truck stop in Iowa the eighty eight this the biggest trucks trucks to end the war. And you go in. And they're like there's a dentist here. That's an a movie theater. I love truck stops loved guesses I love going to create. I wish I had the time to just stop it. All the things they advertise wall drug drug. What's this you read my mind Walter? Biggest tourist trap of all time at all. They advertise free ice water for like eighty thousand miles. I talked to finally make it up to it and sure they offer you free. Ice Wonder about sodas any gas shot or any place on. Earth. Because that's the law. They have to water. And it's employed entirely by like immigrants like like European immigrants South Dakota. It's just a walk through shopping center. That has an animatronic dinosaur horse show and like right like a few different things that are just like it's in South Dakota on I ninety. I love this and you gotta go. If you're ever near there you'll you'll leave with a bumper sticker or a magnet or more. I would love to do such in-depth review of tourist traps. That's what I would like you. I went out of my way about seventy miles one time to see the world's largest goose and it was in Kansas and it was a statue of Goose and I was so I was like you. GotTa you gotTa Say. It's a statue south of the border to sounds the order on the east coast. If you're driving down the east coast. Yes see literally like huge racist landmark. Really Yeah and they say they have the world's biggest SOMBRERO and pretty excited to see how it's pretty this woven like and then it's just a metal thing on the top of like a phone tower. Basically Water Tower. I can't the low A. Lot of world's biggest prairie dog in Kansas also a statue. And you can't just look up the thing. There isn't a large statue of and make twenty foot tall world record. Yeah I think well drug has the world's largest Jack Elope and Statue. Of course it is now but that one's real museum of corn another great one o out to California in the Corn Cornell is made out of corn. If you drive from here to Vegas or vice versa. On the highway there is a thing there's the thing that there's that Arizona has the thing alien truckstop or whatever little alien yeah. I have I went there. I was driving. Mexico always wanted to go there. I always wanted to go there and we pass by this like what. I'm guessing is just a biker. Lodge It was it was a Los Bandidos was like the name of the gang and as our thing drove by they all were pulling out and then for days. We were on the same path as these. These bikers this is actually was in Arizona like the next day. We were like okay. We gotta go to Roswell and we go in Roswell in we pull in and we go to this Alien Museum. And it's like kitschy and like Kinda more rent and fun. Yeah and then like all the bikers also came in and like whatever mystique they had was like me like cut in half because they were at the crush penny machine. I'll biker gang. That's also like taking the Selfie with Alien Statue. Really like into it too. That's so fun I would love that. You always think that that's like a very Americana idea to just sort of road trip and stop it all the time but then anytime you're actually driving these things you're in a hurry. Missouri's are not. They're all porn shops. They still have. But you can Kinda I you can tell what is illegal in nearby states by what is right on the edge of the border and the state. You're in so if like in fireworks. Fireworks fireworks are illegal in Iowa but legal in Missouri so two seconds into this northern border Missouri Southern Iowa is a million and the same with like truck porn shops. I believe in cans are illegal but in Missouri. So you get right in the interstate and you just see like one hundred miles. We got pictures of naked ladies. Sixty is like your script is like sixty miles pullover and we got pictures of naked and nick. How you're on your phone while you're driving. What could this possibly offer you any right like? How could this business still exist? It's unbelievable let alone. There's always a truck or two or all these people put them over to somebody. They love it. It's it's the countdown that gets you all excited about everything. As far as like cool places to go wall drug and south border pretty disappointing but the coolest place in the world to me. I think is the city museum in Saint. Louis it is it is the best part of Saint Louis And one of the cooler Every city has the one tourist thing that actually is great. You know what I mean. Everyone's like you don't WanNa do the tour. The museum in Saint Louis is very very fun. It's not a museum by your traditional. It's like an adult. Yeah you get to go and slides and stuff right unbelievable. We've really got it so that's Kevin Smith's Rotten tomatoes Y- I loved. I Love Diners. I think that's how we got an all this right yeah Cindy's and Eagle Rock out there. That's good diners to Ambi is also an Eagle Rock. Just right on the corner from Cindy's basically anyone's aunt if you just look up someone's aunt's name. They probably have a decent Eagle Rock. Diner Kathies Barbara all right. We played this game the podcast. I forgot to even pull up. We got music and everything for over Games taking awhile. It's load and it's done. We play this game in the podcast called build the perfect movie. Perfect movie and how this works is you are going to be competing against other Rebecca. You WanNa get on this. All right three will be competing against each other to try and build the perfect movie. You must combine two movies from the category to build the perfect movie with that means. Is Your two movies rotten? Tomatoes scores must be as close to one hundred percent combined without going over surprises rules. Apply so for instance a perfect Robin Williams movie would be happy feet seventy six percent and RV twenty four percent. So you're looking at a perfect golden perfect hunterston. So you'll take turns you'll pick one and then we will review scores and then you get to pick accordingly for your second round so it makes sense sure. Hundred percent is possible. That over the first category is you're GonNa try and build the perfect first movie that has a sequel or a franchise. Does that make sense as the first movie in the series? Okay that has more than one movie in it and this is so loose you know what I mean. Gremlins fast and furious. Anything that is a can to jaws anything that is a continuation in this franchise. You'RE GONNA try and build the perfect one using to those And Your Rebecca played before you can go first background music Okay Jay and silent Bob Strike Back. Does that count as the first one because of their first one. Well if now that there's a Jay and silent bob specific sequel. I would say because it's not the first instance of the characters bits the first James. I like saying it's the first like a vendor's movies in the early sixties. Yeah Yeah Yeah exactly. Yeah good reasoning. All RIGHT ALL RIGHT BRET. My guess is going to be Troll and the whole nine yards. So we'll just do you. Which do you want first. Because then I'll give you your score just in case. Okay I'M GONNA go with troll. Then it is so hard to just this movie. Troll is just as crazy as troll too. I know they're not related to one another. But yeah everyone talks about troll two but troll is it's a weird man character. It's very very strange. Joe All right well I. I'm glad I'm glad Sony got. He got he got do some films before he you know. I'm happy that he got some acting. Work on record set but okay What about rock and Roll High School? The first one old is we'll go through the scores because then high number picks first rate all right. Okay Jay and Silent Bob. Strike back fifty two percent fifty two percent. You're looking for forty eight year. Call troll twenty five percent. Twenty five percent rock and roll high school eighty-one percent eighty-one percent. Fine okay. So we'RE GONNA start with rock and roll. Highschool always worried about that and it has to still be like first movie and it was the first one in any serious it could be. You know it doesn't you don't have to. It's any any first movie series again. You're going for nineteen percent or lower here. The first movie is usually the highest rate. So I'm I I have to find like a twenty percent looking for a nineteen or less so really bad movie any year really bad movie that they still made more of. Oh I got it turn. It still made movies about a bad animated movie. There hasn't been one time. How much work it takes to make those. There's always a nice part about Roger. Ebert reviews where even if it's the worst movie of all time. With the exception of human centipede he would write. I got I got one because you because you just said because you just said Roger Ebert Carnivore. It has to be bad. Is that a series Roger. Ebert gave it a thumbs up. Siskel Ebert Sorry Siskel. Gene Siskel gave him so much shit about it. Is there a carnivore? There's a carnival too. Yeah it's a hard it's claymation Harvey Mission Horror Movie. It was like early nineties late eighties but I cut you off kyle. He would always say people made this movie so it deserves a half a star at least because effort goes into it So he stayed long then. Like human centipede was like this. No one who was everyone who was involved with should have stopped it and like the only one he didn't give it all comes. Carnivore does not have enough reviews. Oh for tomato number. It does have an audience score with seventeen. Hundred user ratings. So would you like to use the audience? Score? Keep in mind. These are people who searched this movie out to give their opinion so there is a score from the audience. There's an audience score. I'll take it all right so now we're going with Jamestown BOB strike back. Fifty two percent Is hostile a series like the Horror series? I don't remember if there's also okay I'm GonNa go with the part one of that one. I've never seen it so I have no idea. People is my least favorite genre movie. I don't watch movies like that. Hostels now go. It's like the. It's the human centipede Jonah to. There's a second one of that too isn't there. There's a Lotta. There's a bunch of different edits of human centipede in this whole like a Human Santa Costanza. This was almost perfect. All right Troll twenty five percent seventy five I'M GONNA take back my whole nine yards and I'm going to replace it inspired by Pats rock and roll highschool with class of Nukem high. Yeah there you go. And that's my the equivalent of like a one dollars bid on prices or just like just another bad movie hoping. Yeah I'm the only one that doesn't go over I. I should have thought about trauma. So we have rocking high school. Eighty one percent carnivore audience score twenty six percent just over all man. I just really close. We're not going to cut it out of the episode. If if you had said Roger Ebert Oh it wouldn't have made me think of carnival which is arguably one of the worst films ever all right James Object back fifty two percent hostile sixty one percent movie fresh movie mine new in twenty five percent of Nukem high twenty percents here we are we wondering what his way on stage so I made the perfect movie. Also thank you a perfect movie. We'll see today is classics role. Hi Yep hi I think is a good control of new complain all right so we're GONNA do one more round all right. I have to think of what category will be. Someone sent me some good ones. But I don't know where it all here. Let's do movies prominently featuring an animal lover. Ub's prominently featuring animal And we will go in reverse order here since one nukem I okay and then who is second closest pat. You're barely over Yoga BECA. You really blew it on that one. I prominently featuring an animal. I'm GonNa go with dunston checks in. I'll go with a classic Babe. I in a series examples. We could've used true. Dunston checks in has a sequel. I believe so. Check it out to check out late. But I'M GONNA go with the new doolittle with Robert Downey junior stinker looks like a real stinker. Dunston checks in twelve percent. We got a lot of space to work with year. Twelve percent ninety seven percent. I know it's all right. I know some really bad movies now. Storm seven percent. I feel confident doolittle. Sixteen percent everything about this movie looks like a fake movie trailer from Tropic Thunder Insane Photo shopped animal. I mean clearly but it's like someone made it in an hour. I saw the trailer for this before. Another movie heavily featuring Animals Allen. Cats cats for the wrong reasons. You'RE GONNA love doolittle doolittle trailer where he's like comforting the gorilla and he's like it's okay to be afraid. The grill is just like WanNa do like it. Made me think it's not okay to be afraid Okay so we're babe you're up here. I with ninety seven percent okay. So what's the math you need here? I need to find the worst. All right or two can it? Can I just pick any movie? It has prominently feature an animal shit. We're so loose on this all right And be three percent or less you know. Let's go reverse over on this one. Can you guys are kind of in a similar place? So we will go was the lowest one here doesn't checks at twelve so we'll go there. I I'm going to say and I think there is a remake of the remake of flipper. And if not I'll just go with. Classic Clipper there's a TV series was the remake. It looks like it was on from ninety five to two thousand a flipper the movie movie flipper. Okay all right little. I think I'm going to go over. I'm trying to think of ones that are good but not too good You know the thing I was thinking about. What's an average movie prominently featuring an animal? Yeah too bad. I'm too bad I'm always thinking about I guess the I guess. Jungle book like the newer one. I figure it's going to be. I didn't see it but I feel like it's GonNa be higher circus director or something. Oh fuck maybe. That's that's fine. We talked about him so much circus just because he's awesome awesome. We always talked about the anti circuses. There should be some sort of motion capture Oscar. And she'll probably be named after him should be some sort of category for this giant blindspot. That awards have besides that stunts saying that there's not Oscars you know. What can I change? Mine you should. Yeah I'M GONNA change it to Keanu Jungle Book Eighty Six jungle book or Jon Favreau directed. Yeah does a ninety four. This jungle book came out two years ago. I remember it was. I remember now that people loved it interesting. Yeah Kiana that can peel Kano. Okay cool all right so babe here we are. The music has stopped no worries. The suspense is appropriate was. Can I ask a question? In my response you was there was there an Anaconda. Three had to have been yes. It does not have taught me the tomato meter. Damn I'm here. If you want there are few reviews for it There's there's enough for the math. Let me look this up and do this. I almost said jaws five because I think that's the worst jaws but I still fear that it'll be obviously over three percents. I'm cruel jaws Josh. Five revenge turn. Is it the return of the revenge? Looks like the return. So would you be able to do the math on on Anaconda? Thirty Anaconda three doesn't really exists. All Right Shark. Nato's are there. Okay wait a minute. Jaws the revenge if you wanted has enough reviews for shark NATO. Oh you might be throwing me. I don't now how few there's we'll tell you. The first shark. Nato is seventy eight percent. What's so that's the vantage point. How can teach US five jazz? John It's GonNa take me over but maybe not much. Johnston checks in twelve percent flipper thirty two percent. So here we are living in Brett world the forties the mid forties but it was the most we ever had four so forty four total. But you're in the game and just wanted to say the monkeys GonNa read. That's the plot of the movie. Yeah that's the way around. It's the tagline of the film rights. Just want to go back to back on the Post Attack Forcibly Cross Photoshop crite doolittle sixteen percent. Kiana seventy-seven percent. So we're looking at. What a ninety three. That's a good movie that that's the one that's one of the scores ever seen this. So now the murky riding the Dolphin has been eliminated. Babe Ninety seven percent jaws the revenge zero. I waited -gratulations impressive. Victory in the eighth grade a couple of ninety seven. That's like Combo Ninety seven. We rarely had anyone in the ninety zero zero percent. That was like me in double jeopardy crazy. You pushed it all illogical tension free and filled with cute with cut rate effects jaws. The revenge is a sorry chapter. A once. Proud franchise proud. I gotta say when Kyle mentioned. He didn't see jaws like baffled me but I also have not seen so many classic films that you know. It's for shame on me but it got me thinking. About how many terrible jaws movies there are and that's gotTA BE. It has to be the first one good really. The first one is is the you know. It's the only movie need to see but the the funny thing about the second one that everybody loves to point out is that the mayor in jaws one is still the mayor and jaws to the guy that allowed every happen anytime. There's like election year. There's always people joking like this is local elections are so important because the mayor can judge me still the mayor only returning character. I think he is. I think even like the people who live in the down all left. Yeah Roy Schneider is his name. Ya say anything. Yeah he's he makes a brief cameo because they needed like their begged them. But like yeah. That's the only it's like grease two. I think like the principles may be. The same principles are playing teenager. But none of the printers to acting all right. We're GONNA can't ninety seven zero. Maybe I'll watch just that jaws and report and then that's what I put into conversations when jaws cut US five and I'm just like when he returns y'all remember when he returns when we're talking about jaws at this bar when it comes up all right last thing. We're GONNA do here today. We got a game called guess what movie. Carlsbad describing having only watch a trailer and never having her love and be. Kyle's Dad described camping wash. Never heard so how it works is my dad's going to describe a movie trailer and you have to get some neutral word is Sorry if you guys are listening this is old old. Repeat but you don't remember. No one remembers okay. He's bouncing this tennis ball. Taking a phone call now. He's drumming and wearing headphones and telling the man in the suit why it's not going to work I. Isn't he wearing shoes now? Everyone is in suits. Everyone keeps saying that no one is paying attention. There's a bunch of guys I know in this one. We've got a bunch of quick shots of all of them. Here he's drumming. They're betting against America. The stripper has five houses. There's a bunch of guys I know but everyone of them has bad hair one of the most beautiful poems. That's how I feel after every single one of these stunning he. He should apply for poet laureate of whatever state he lives in Missouri. Post story Missouri Portland. I'M GONNA take shot in the dark and say the entourage. Movie is not the entourage. Oh this is not the entourage movie all right let me look. We get one guests each guest until you get. This doesn't end until you get it. This one's a reached but the computer wore tennis shoes. That sounds like a robot guests by one what he just said the little things. I'm taking the the metadata there. Yeah so familiar. Faces drumming. Tennis Ball Ball. I'm looping that under the blanket of tennis it's not a nothing's clicking for me I if there are hints I would love her. I will tell you the person that my dad foreshore recognized But he doesn't know his name. Is Steve Carell? Oh Oh oh okay. That's battle of the sexes. It is not bad really on the tennis situates. The get smart movie is not the get smart. Oh No anchorman Bruce Almighty No. I mean Evan Evan Almighty now I wouldn't have held you to that If you're like it's Evan I wouldn't have you bruce. Almighty movie was checking with the judges. I'm sorry guys you're looking for. I would love another hint because they feel like the most important line in his description is they're betting against America. I had a feeling that was the Muslim Portland but I couldn't. Oh the big sick. The big shore. Sure your America. He's GonNa get just for laughs. Yeah it is. The big short is a big short. Thanks for coming on. That would have never guessed it really now. Pretty good yeah. It's one of those movies. It's pretty good that they didn't see we'll just kind of go. You know go off. There's a few those every year that you like. That's pretty good money balls that pretty good that just kind of went away. I had a question though. Do you do just play trailers without audio on and have in record your dad or hasn't because there's audio he does it with my mom using the voice memo APP but it's basically him reading the notes from it. You know what I mean like. Watch write notes than read the notes back so I love it. That's great but then voice memo and it's become a whole. They got a good rhythm down to catch on a nice day to get get bank a few of them. You know what I mean. Yeah he doesn't. He's realizing the weight he carries. And so I think he's going to unionize Is what I'm worried about is implanting some sort of dad. Vio Union. Yeah But thanks for having never seen we'll my God thank James Draw. This was a great a great time. Thank you for being here. Pat Thank you for being here. I love it. I love the show on love this shrink up to the podcast for laundry. Yeah let them know. Tell National Lampoon Radio Hour. Those are two also audio base. Things I do. I've been told to plug when I go at other. Podcasts produced my podcast. I now I know uptakes fat anything. Sure I mean on the best show weekly with Tom. Sharply in. That's Tuesday nights nine eastern six Pacific. But it's also podcast the next day and we're bringing back the side podcast which I'm really upset about. Meet my friends the friends. This is a a recap podcasts on friends. But it's anything but it's a it's the fourth season everything goes haywire and this kind of a very Meta storyline of podcasts. I don't know how to explain it Brits but here it but That's coming back next week so that'd be great. Thank you guys very much. Thanks for listening everybody If you're listening you're in Los Angeles. I think this will have to come out after the Brooklyn show so I got. I've been plugging a show. That will have been done by the time the okay. If you're in Los Angeles we have a live show on March twelfth. And it's going to be the period so get tickets to that. I'll be postal falls on instagram and twitter and find the show there and get tickets. This show March twelve things a Thursday and it can be very leery appearing. Live podcast and want some fun guests out for that. Thank you so just by the line. Okay you've made it this far in the episode. Good for you. This is so we got a little special thing here before. This is ever podcast. If you listen to the whole intro first off thank you and second of all second of off. Second off is great. You know I'm back taught still here urbach getting back into the studio a week later to record this part of the answer so before any this podcast before we met star Burns before. Anita's going on in the show is a live show and I thought it could be a good idea for. Podcast is years you you know this is like six years ago. Maybe seven years ago it was just Mark Marin And that was the only one radio. Yeah yeah the close to being a radio. Show this yeah. This was going to be me reading the world's and trying to get people to freak out so Brett came over. Brad Davis came over. And he had never seen deadpool and he wrote a deadpool script and we read it as a sample podcast years before we ever started doing this show and I the Audio Fort Sill. It's cruder audio because I recorded at my house. And we were sharing. A couple of microphones amongst a bunch of people. And you're just in my room. The sound quality is not as great but I thought fun to share a predecessor to the whole show. Britain's has never seen deadpool. This is one of my favorite scripts that we ever had and we never even had it too. Here's a fun fun throwback I want to say twenty fourteen or something like that So enjoy it can't handle looking into this beating. We're not in Kansas City. Nobody is they've never seen it. I am Keiler is. This is the podcast where I have. Comedians rewrite famous movies that they've never seen and then we do a table. Read for you guys. I'm here with the Fancy Group of people. Brett Davis nickname any tynan delong. And Courtney McGinnis and on the keyboards. We have our normal musician. Today will be a they. Were GonNA be doing Fred Scripts for Deadpool Ba? I I want to ask everyone the worst movie that you've seen the most times 'cause when we're doing this podcast before we realized we haven't seen these Some of you a big prestigious movie like jaws or the Godfather something but I've seen maximum overdrive a dozen times or something like that and it's easy easily accessible you on the backgrounds. What do you think what's the worst movie you've seen the most times? I remember when I was getting either. No go ahead okay. Fine thank you. What's your name though? I'm Courtney McGuinness. Thank you insert fart noises. I saw the movie full findings. Oh God I just watch it for the first time like six months ago and I've seen it like four times since then it's on Youtube in fall. It's a real estate agent from Las Vegas. Nevada made this movie. And it is truly magical. Yeah I mean just the worst. It's amazing amazing. Thank you yeah. I think I've Seen Batman and Robin probably the most. Yeah that one's really bad Yes it has an Batman forever as nipples too but this one it's a little bit more prominent and And just Arnold Schwarzenegger's incredible yeah and it and Mr Freeze and also the first meeting of Batman and mister freeze damage says high freeze. I'm Batman so nick Manley Insert Vert now are you guys lawyer with the The John Cusak pecking sale. Movie serendipity seen it a More than more than a handful of times because I went through a phase where it was bad. I knew it was a bad movie but I thought you were. GonNa say different movie. What did you think you're going to say talking cat? I've only seen times man. I really liked that. That one's a really funny bit. Assume he's going to say a different movie. Your insert noise with that. This is the second episode. Everyone will be familiar with movies by this point. So we don't have to explain the concept again. Like last time I think mine is Jane Silent Bob Strike Back Yes like the worst fucking movie like Holy Shit Brian Oh Holler the just the most wasted cameos and in jokes and I hate it so much and I think it's a lot of dead pool probably comes from that influences. Were Yeah I think. I've seen the skulls at least ten times just because when I got a DVD player. It came with blue streak in the skulls. Oh Yeah couldn't afford any other movies so I watch. I like blue streak but I watched the skull so I remember McNamara and is one of their lap. Paul Walker's characters last name and I don't know anyone with that last name in real life. Oh my God so sexually aroused watching that movie and there's a scene where the girls walked by with hard nipples. My Gosh. It's all just take a moment to reflect on. I'll be playing the clip at this point. I'm pretty sure I could buy it for all of its. Copyright died off two years ago so frame by frame. Did you watch that scene? Yeah I probably pause that inject off if I had to be honest with myself not recently. I don't have a DVD player anymore. But I watched it a lot. I remember the Inter titles. Probably remember it. Now it's dom to dead at this point for memories to the podcast now. Let's get into it all right. So this is dead pool by Brad. Davis by Davis. Yeah I pick the movie with my name in the title associate. Begin the Nikkei exterior dark alley a group of criminals around an armored truck opening the door to reveal a bunch of teddy bears. The ripped the heads off of one bear or multiple bears. That's TYPO and put pour out packages of cocaine. The one criminal gestures to another load up their truck as they pass boxes over the here too loud crash on the roof of the truck. They look up to see dead pool. Hate joads mine of I hop in on this circle jerk I got a nut. Oh Teddy bears. They point their guns at him. He nonchalantly drops down to the ground. Dame's bats shake. The name is pool. Deadpool your ass as our grass ended. Deadpool pretends to check his watch. Oh four twenty. Deadpool presses play on a boombox which blurs the theme to Martin. He pulls out a gun and shoots the gang leader in the face. Blood splatters everywhere. Damn Gina Deadpool kicks another gang member in the face catches his gun and shoots him in the skull. Sorry not sorry holding. His body takes a Selfie with the remains of the skull. Pausing shoot another gang member in the Dick Gang. Looks down at his bloody crotch mccracken. He likes going peanuts. Drops the ground causing him to scream. Unintelligibly then grabs the severed Dick and holds it to his mouth area like Groucho Marx. I'm sorry I didn't get that. I don't speak DIKLA FAGGOT. Deadpool credentials give a blow job as these rush by the other members of the gang. He reveals a Catanha and cuts. Everyone's head off winning. Deadpool looks at carnage and dabs pulls out a flip phone honey. Can you pull the car around? Deadpool breaks the Fourth Wall and looks at the camera. Oh I didn't see standing there. My name is deadpool. I'm sort of a magnum cum bad ass or summa cum ghetto superstar. Oh who am I kidding? I just like saying come. Here's a story. I was dying but I got an offer if I took part in shady experiment for some Super Smart in Super Evil Douche Nozzles. I would become immortal so I did it. And then I became a superhero. No Ankle Ben. No kryptonite nothing. That would make me interesting. I prefer being self aware prick. Deadpool begins to do basketball tricks with a severed head as the Harlem globetrotter whistle. Plays the best thing about being immortal. I can break the fourth wall. Eight a coup feel exact Morris except. I still haven't had the chance to show Kelly capacity my oath face L. L. Office space. Does I can beat up bad guys without worrying. I'M GONNA die those being able to think of funny things to say like open bullet wounds style or Obama's fault before I kill somebody. I think Tony Stark say something cooler than that. I'm aware of Tony Stark. And the third best thing about being mortal sum forty one's fat lip Blair's the muscle car pulls up driven by ties with a few Bikini Babes in the back seat. You can stay in college as long as you want. Deadpool walks up to the window. Degree Tas is Indian. Best friend who speaks with a thick accent and dresses. Like a nerd. Hey ties you little pimp locking legs swapping Chutney with these hotties Hon dopey deadpool. They'll be like thank you come again. Thank you come again. You toss has a bit more of a thick accent can we? Can we take that again? Yeah tells you little pimp logging leg swapping Chutney with these hotties tonight? Hon Dopey Deadpool. They'll be like thank. You come again thank you come again. I'll say Taj is actually thicker accident They're they're Pooh. Nannies will be speaking Punjabi soldier. Boy Tellem deadpool turns to camera. What am I met He was a nerdy exchange soon. Then never let lose now. He's a nerdy exchange shoot. That's drowning in muff. I've never been so proud Hey Tonight's party will be lit. Have you finished? Your Superhero duties duties. Oh pitches we have some kegs. Pickup deadpool's about to hop in the car then stops grabs a teddy bear and rips open the head revealing the cocaine he dabs. I'm with COCO. Hey you might stop by Walgreens House. I was thinking of thinking of making shish kebabs aware of Wolverine Deadpool. Hops in the car is at speeds off leaving a trail of smoke in cocaine in the wind. Interior Dean's office. The Dean is pacing back and forth. His aides stands by nervously thunder strikes. He's throwing a party alert. The authorities to cast the aid the problem with that series that the authorities love deadpool. He kills all the bad guys so they turn a blind eye to his wild parties. How old is he anyway? I feel like he's been a problem for us. For years is a super-duper senior. He's been in college for seven years. Well tonight's his last night as a student here at fucks. Worth University Exterior Raider. Deadpool makes his way through the party wearing a Toga and wearing a mask a mask with a Straw poll. That goes into his coconut drink. He greets the guests as Tub. Thumping blares loudly queasy. Good to see you. Hey Penis breath you got a little. Mayo on your lips. I hope becky with the good hair. Go easy on that lemonade. Whoa MG K. Rapper machine gun. Kelly appears in high. Fives deadpool thanks for coming. I hope you do a track off of black flag later tonight and keep the dance floor open for Teenage Mutant. Ninja Turtle over there. I hear he's a party dude. Camera cuts to teenage mutant. Ninja Turtle. Break-dancing cow Deadpool CORRECTS him. Actually if Jumbo Wamba also I am aware of you Jason Mewes Anymo- Nakas doctor strange appear. Hashtag squad cut sue interior bedroom. Taj is making out with a sexy girl. I am Indian. I'm the master of the Kama Sutra. Whatever it's racist now. Let me get some massage. Oil Cut to exterior Raider Asha Ross. I love colleges blasting as Deadpool hops to the top of t s does deejay booth with a microphone. Hey Fram thanks everybody for coming for the for coming for the seven th annual bloated belly beer bash the battle Mia deadpool bitch everyone shares. I WanNa thank all my friends for joining me on this momentous occasion Blake Griffin Jake. Busy even all blew over there. Getting Jay owed cut to Stanley getting a hand off from two lesbians. He's getting close. The cops are busy with the pile of severed heads. I left them so this party will be lit all night. Long bird records stops. No at wants. This building is campus property and thus I have the authority authority. Shut this data. If I feel like it and I feel like it. Deadpool turns to camera. This is the part of the job I just hate. Deadpool pulls out his sword and slices the Dean's Belton Half. That's the best mighty deadpool can do. Flash MY JOSEPH BANKS BELT IN HALF. CaN'T BE BLAMED FOR TIMING FIVE FOUR. Three houses applied massage girls back and jumps on her back. He immediately sides off through the window. Exterior Razor Taj flies out the window head first and the deans but knocking him right into Stanley's Crotch is he chooses into the Dean's face excelsior. I also forgot to mention that The sign that says Foxworth University of the Swerve and -versity of breaks. So it just says fuck you and then. The crowd cheers as turned down for what plays the crowd is chanting deadpool's name as he dabs again. The Dean's dead body starts shaking. His toddler tries to remove his head he again. Hey Dean I hope they serve beer in hell spoiler alert. I'm insufferable laid by James. Plays as the credits roll. Wow we did. They made a movie Had A see where he does? The Fares dealer thing at the end but I took it because I really see. Does it in the movie? I I looked it up. It was like Deadpool Ferris Bueller. And there's actually. Yeah what are you doing here at the end of the credits of deadpool shows up in a robe like Ferris Bueller at the end of Chinese. I do that in a second. Revision of cool. We'll abby idiot. You're so good at playing James. Oh cool yeah. It's called Jimmy. You're dabbling so defensive defense mechanism. Don't hit my eyes. All right thanks everybody. Yeah see next year. I'm glad to stick on my dab jokes in there For it's not funny for another three years DAB jokes I I was GonNa say I love how the direction for all upset pools lines sarcastic parenthetical after his name every single snakes. You nailed it. Hey Buddy a podcast network.