6 Burst results for "James Hollis"
"james hollis" Discussed on Typology
"I think healing and wholeness are inextricably linked to emotional intelligence. I love what you're saying about lost parts of ourselves. There's a couple of therapists obviously that I'm thinking of who that is their premise. And also theologians, I mean, one in particular I'm thinking of merton certainly felt that way. And I think I want to talk about that. The lost parts of ourselves, the healing journey, because I know one question I've often asked my clients is, what has always been true of you? Like, what is always been true? You know, when someone tells me, you know, I'm sort of lost, I don't know what, I've got, well, what has always been true of you? Who did you, maybe I might put it this way is, who is the person that you had to become in order to make your way in the world? And who was the person you had to leave behind? In order to become that person. Now, it takes a pretty self reflective type. You know, fours are great with that question. So it's pretty good that question, you know, a bunch of others, some are going to have a lot more trouble with a question like that. However, I do think in Jung would say these lost parts end up in our shadow, for example. So talk to me about that. Talk to me about the lost parts. Tell me about each, you know, maybe a couple of the types journeys toward recovering the lost parts. Yeah. Well, I think there's so much that there's so much here because so much of what motivates each type is in their dealing with a core fear. So we talk a lot about behaviors of certain types, what you might typically see. We talk even about desires and motivations. And we talk about the fears somewhat, but so much of what fuels all of that. Is this fear, the story, and so, you know, for ones being wrong or bad in some way and two sphere being unwanted or unneeded and three sphere being worthless and, you know, we can go around for a sphere being insignificant. And so that fuels the strategy. And so so much of what has to happen for recovering the lost parts is facing the fear. Doing that means you're going to have to welcome a little bit of suffering. You can suffer from either being engulfed in the emotional vice or the passion of your type, or we can suffer toward healing. And a bit of suffering is required because there's a passage from doctor James Hollis, a psychologist that I know you've read a lot of his stuff as well. He said, no freedom is possible. No authentic choice where consciousness is lacking. Paradoxically, consciousness usually only comes from the experience of suffering. And the suffering is why we often elect to remain in the constructive, yet familiar, old shoes. But the psyche is never silent and suffering is the first clue that something is soliciting our attention and seeking healing. So what is it about our fear? What is it about the suffering that we feel when we face that fear? We face that story that's trying to get our attention. Yeah, and you were actually you described your panic episode in the car. I can also, which is the soul's way of summoning us to a new journey. And we can choose to medicate that, we can choose to walk away from it. And listen, I'm not saying that there are times when we have particular issues or things happening that don't require some kind of cycle pharmacological intervention. But, you know, when things come to us like depression or sadness or anxiety, these sorts of things in a sort of a crisis way.
The Tim Ferriss Show
"james hollis" Discussed on The Tim Ferriss Show
"Not least, huge thanks to macmillan audio for providing the audio for this. This episode clocks in at around 20 minutes. So my hope is that you'll revisit it often when you need a moment of zen. It's excellent. I at least found it called me at the right time. And really, really struck a chord. So with that, please enjoy. Chapter 13 cosmic insignificance therapy. The jungian psychotherapist James Hollis recalls the experience of one of his patients, a successful vice president of a medical instruments company who was flying over the American Midwest on a business trip, reading a book when she was accosted by a thought. I hate my life. A malaise that had been growing in her for years had crystallized in the understanding that she was spending her days in a way that no longer felt as if it had any meaning. The relish she'd had for her work had drained away, the rewards she'd been pursuing seemed worthless, and now life was a matter of going through the motions in the fading hope that it somehow all might yet pay off in future happiness. Perhaps you know how she felt. Not everyone has this kind of sudden epiphany, but many of us know what it is to suspect that there might be richer, fuller, juicier things we could be doing with our 4000 weeks, even when what we're currently doing with them looks from the outside, like the definition of success. Or maybe you're familiar with the experience of returning to your daily routines following an unusually satisfying weekend in nature or with old friends and being struck by the thought that more of life should feel that way, that it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect the deeply engrossing parts to be more than rare exceptions. The modern world is especially lacking in good responses to such feelings. Religion no longer provides the universal ready made sense of purpose it once did, while consumerism misleads us into seeking meaning where it can't be found. But the sentiment itself is an ancient one. The writer of the book of ecclesiastes, among many others, would instantly have recognized the suffering of Hollis patient. Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had spent in doing it. And behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun. It's deeply unsettling to find yourself doubting the point of what you're doing with your life. But it isn't actually a bad thing because it demonstrates that an inner shift has already occurred. You couldn't entertain such doubts in the first place if you weren't already occupying a new vantage point on your life. One from which you'd already begun to face the reality that you can't depend on fulfillment arriving at some distant point in the future. Once you've gotten your life in order or met the world's criteria for success, and that instead, the matter needs addressing now. To realize midway through a business trip that you hate your life is already to have taken the first step into one you don't hate because it means you've grasped the fact that these are the weeks that are going to have to be spent doing something worthwhile if you're finite life is to mean anything at all. This is a perspective from which you can finally ask the most fundamental question of time management. What would it mean to spend the only time you ever get? In a way that truly feels as though you're making it count. The great pause sometimes this perceptual jolt affects a whole society at once. I wrote the first draft of this chapter under lockdown in New York City during the coronavirus pandemic when amid the grief and anxiety, it became normal to hear people express a sort of bittersweet gratitude for what they were experiencing. That even though they were furloughed and losing sleep about the rent, it was a genuine joy to see more of their children, or to rediscover the pleasures of planting flowers or baking bread. The enforced paws in work, school and socialising, put on hold, numerous assumptions about how we had to spend our time. It turned out, for example, that many people could perform their jobs adequately without an hour long commute to a dreary office or remaining at a desk until 6 30 p.m. solely in order to appear hardworking. It also turned out that most of the restaurant meals and take out coffees I'd grown accustomed to consuming, presumably on the grounds that they enhanced my life could be forsworn with no feeling of loss. A double edged revelation given how many jobs depended on providing them. And it became clear from the ritual applauding of emergency workers, grocery runs undertaken for housebound neighbors and many other acts of generosity that people cared about one another far more than we'd assumed. It was just that before the virus apparently, we hadn't had the time to show it. Things hadn't changed for the better, obviously. But alongside the devastation that it wrought, the virus changed us for the better, at least temporarily, and at least in certain respects. It helped us perceive more clearly what our pre lockdown days had been lacking, and the tradeoffs we'd been making, willingly or otherwise. For example, by pursuing work lives that left no time for neighborliness. A New York writer and director named Julio Vincent gambo captured this sense of what I found myself starting to think of as possibility shock. The startling understanding that things could be different on a grand scale, if only we collectively wanted that enough. What the trauma has shown us, Gambia wrote,.
That Sounds Fun with Annie F. Downs
"james hollis" Discussed on That Sounds Fun with Annie F. Downs
"Do not let these things fade from your heart as long as you live. I'm trying to keep it alive in my spirit. So i'm looking at a photo in my hotel room. After off of me at twenty moving to america come to college. And then i see myself in my room almost out of body at forty four dropping my daughter and i probably spent three acidy thinking what is sixty five year. Old joan going to say forty-five-year-old. John's what would i say to my twenty year old self about everything. I've been through everything i've learned. What do i need to get right. The next twenty years in this like my second adulthood like donated to get right in these years. When i'm sitting here at sixty five to some of the things dropping grandkid at college. I don't know what do i need to get right. So it was like was a profoundly moving tom. Great for the space to reflect and not just rush through it. I try and sit in the emotions and process improperly. A lot of our friends listening probably have high schoolers or are taking kids to college this week and i mean i have another friend here. Who's twins are going off to college This weekend what's the advice you from what you've experienced you've already launched and now your daughter's launched what is what is your advice. How how do we go home and be okay. Oh gosh. I haven't gone home yet fair. I'm in it's like you've got to talking with my wife man. There's there's a void in your life account of this giant space. That was food with your kids. Time attention energy. I think the big question is what are you gonna fill it with you and So i'm spending a lotta time reading about second. Half life literature now that talk about the second adulthood the first adulthood at twenty to forty. It's all inevitably filled with personal scripts cultural expectations. Ambition shadow side discovery. And then you hit that midlife point where many of these things is stripped away. And then what you're left with. Is he talks about in this book which is like meaning and one the pursuit of meaning in one. So i think you have to really ask yourself what gives me meaning outside of my roles so you get tremendous meaning from being a parent or the workplace but with my remaining and then how do i cultivate wonder in its place because kids bring us wonder right there in touch with stuff went out and touch with their experiencing for the first time thinks it's true and authentic in life of them so i think we have to find ways to replace those things that brought to us as gifts and cultivated now on lives so that's different for everybody but for me. I think it's like reading a lot less books. More slowly and twice as opposed to describing content how being really honest with some of the suppress desires that have no space to breathe because of duty. Not not not bad judy. Good judy godly judy. But now this this space what. What in my heart feels suppress that needs to be explored and let out and looked into and so you know my wife and i are looking at each other going like who. Who do we become now. What do we do with every single free night of the week. That right so you know we're trying to reboot rhythms and practices and do stuff that gives us life so at a lot of our friends also listening have little people they have you know one year olds four year olds in elementary. And to me intentional. Your you're the intestinal. Father is kind of helping us. You are doing to your weight. Your sixty five year old self wants to do to your forty self in this book for the rest of us if like. Hey if you're brand new raisin people let me tell you some things can moms. Read this book one hundred percent okay. Yeah this the this book is. I've got a lot of thoughts. About like what. I tried to get right when my kids were little. This books really designed for sort of teenagers from adolescence into adulthood so a lot of thoughts about early life. What needs to happen. Moms can read this. But i would just say like one of the challenges so i did. This took six years with my son. And you could probably do this year if you wanted however it was like. I'm gonna have this kid for the next six years so let's see store for six lifestyle not not program and my wife would often mock unintentionally my daughter and my wife would mock we when we do it so we'd get up at five thirty. The kids had to take the train to school. Went to school in queens and they would say oh you walk doing your man time and you are you south actualising as men just just an actually had to pull her assad and be like you know like men deal with insecurity and shame in ways that you probably in unaware of odd to try and figure out what it is. How do you deal as a young man with all the new energies. Feeling your body got testosterone in their your. Your you've got you know sexual energy you've got insecurity at your identity of guys attesting your strength. You've got academics wrestling with stuff online. The so much pressure and here you are making a noble step forward to get your act together and then people are mocking you. When you're doing out how you need every ounce of encouragement. So i would just say moms like. Hey just be gracious. Let let give them a little space to sort of like reading. It'll give you insights as to sort of. I think the psychological journey the book. The book is based on basically. There's a gun. i'm james. Hollis who a lot of the a psychology union analyst union analysts he basically is the guy that Roll highs an and richard raw sort of get a lot of them midlife stuff from and he basically said every society except light month. Societies had a six step process to form people from adolescence into adulthood. Al's number one is like conscious. Separation number two is visceral death to the childhood experience number three of the tribes story religious identity and enrolls required to serve the logic community. Then this what he calls the. I the ordeal where all of these things have to be. Tested on your own safety and a strengthened lessons have arrived recognition amongst the community who have initiated you and then there's return participation in society to serve the common good so no one's like which peres dino like. Hey i'm just thinking through six stages you need to go all right. So the book is based on that modern christian version of that. But mom's reading it. I think consumer how interesting this is. The psychological emotional formative journey teenage boys need to go through and it may explain some of the tensions and behavior that they have so. I think it's yeah my wife and she was like. Hey this is actually really helpful. Helps me understand my son bitter and some of the stuff is wrestling with so yeah. It's definitely a good god for months and then my watch challenge with didn't like he's like so i've read all the stuff and half. The stuff is truthful women. And i was like yeah like a large degree of it for human beings right a sip. It you're not going to motivate a thirteen year old boy by guy. Hey just so you know. Half of this is for girls. You trying to win their hearts into a journey right. So i did a whole separate process on my daughter i could fifty pieces of my heart and that was like the fifty things i wanted. Hood avenue spirit before she left home and there was definitely some overlap. There was some new ones coming to some point. Yeah you're just dropped her. All right anne slogan fifty. When i think about the two halves of life. I mean but as we are the same age. I'm entering that too. It looks different. But i'm entering that too. I'm reading about that. I'm interested in that. What is it looked like for us to be thinking spiritually about the two halves of life as adults one of the one of the things. I've i've often pointed out which people talk about. A third think we believe is success has nothing to teaches in the second half of life in boy -able but it doesn't teach us anything all of the learning comes through pain as awful as so terrible haggis pets so true so i mean you think about it like so what are you. What are you learn. How will you formed through success. It's like it's fun..
Slate's Dear Prudence
"james hollis" Discussed on Slate's Dear Prudence
"This moment yeah as you say you know the thing to. I think help ground you when you feel sort of lost in the weeds of what am i which they do. What is non binary nece mean to me. You know. as we mentioned earlier it can mean nearly anything not not not anything anything but it coming so very many different things that it really is a question where you know you will have to make some decisions for yourself if spectrum your yeah and so this idea of well what am i being asked right now. And what are my options right now. So right now letter writer. You have discussed a reduction with your doctor and you're going to pursue referrals in about a year so that gives you at least a year to consider what you would like to ask referrals for It does not mean that. You're about to schedule concerts. It does not mean that you're about to schedule a surgery date see of time. For example to research different surgeons who offer different types of reductions and different types of top surgery to look at the results Many of them post results on their page to inquire about their results to gain specific detailed information. About what it might look like to pursue one of those surgeries. You can actually get more information. You can write it down. You can make a pros and cons list I think whenever you're stuck in the weeds. Specifics help so you. You have a year to do some of that research. I would encourage you to do some of that research. Talk to people who have had reductions talked to people who have had top surgery obviously You know i wanna be clear. Don't like go to your nearest gay bar and look for somebody who seems like they might have gotten top surgery like can i talk to you about your surgery results. Don't do that. You know a observe the niceties of social etiquette. Certainly but you know many people who get top surgery delight in sharing information with people who are considering it and will be you know perfectly happy to you know. Go into more detail. If you ask nicely so you you you have that time. I would say using get that information. Talk to them about. How did they deal with fears about potential. Regret every decision that involves change Invokes the evokes the possibility of regret. That's true you will not be able to make this decision in any direction that will result in no regret so i. I hope that that feels a little bit freeing. You say no matter what i do. I will probably regret something at some point. My job is to try to figure out what types of regret. I'm prepared to live with and what types of regret i think would be serious enough that i would allow them to change my decision. I think fat. Such solid really profoundly helpful advice. Where were you. When i was in that time period possibly possibly in texas getting top surgery and you know yes as you say letter writer. It's emotional decision. Yup i you try to think about it as best you can. Yep but you know. The the most you can do is still guesswork. Even if it's fairly educated guesswork so you wonder if you would be happier if you had a flat chest again. Put pen to paper happier than what. What would you like about that. What feels appealing about that. What feels hot about that. What feels scary about that. What feels intimidating about that. Right down And then write down what. It feels like to contemplate getting a reduction. If you get a reduction you could possibly still leave the door open for further top surgery in the future. That's not free. You know so obviously like that carries with its own problems. it's an additional surgery. Surgery is surgery. It's not nothing. It usually costs money It's possible your insurance will support you in one or the other. That may or may not influence your decision. You might have to learn a lot about persuading your insurance company to cover things you know. Think about what you know. What would i do. If i got top surgery and then later i thought gosh. I wish i'd only gotten a reduction. How do other people deal with problems like that. You would not be the only person to have considered that question before you could learn more about that And if you know if you think gosh you know parts that will be hard. I would know how to mourn that i would figure out other ways to like inhabit my body in ways that felt meaningful. I think i could survive that type of regret. Even if it would bring me some pain or if you think no. I would just feel collapsed. I would feel like. I'd made the worst decision the world. I wouldn't know that's useful emotional information that the notch in the category of gopher reduction. No one's gonna make this call for you and no one is going to say you must do this when are you mustn't do that one or at least if they do. They won't have the actual ability to stop you from pursuing. What but so part of the fear here. I think letter writer is. Because i didn't know what i wanted for so long. I cannot now really be trusted to know what i want about things that have long lasting effects. And so there's that sense of. I can never really know what i want. I want unknowable. things. I hide what i want for myself so effectively that i'm only ever going to know because of regret or twenty years after i've missed my opportunity and i think sometimes it can be tempting to fall a little bit in love with that narrative of isolation and and being impossible to understand and i don't say that lightly let i don't mean to say like while you've really fallen in love with your own self-aggrandizing mythology need to get a grip. I see that very very lovingly always falling in love with my stories of being misunderstood but You can learn more. You can sharpen your information you can learn more about what you want and what you don't want especially if you write it down That's not an impossible task to discover. And i think One thing. I often recommend my client says it's a very simple question. That's actually a question i got from. James hollis the union analyst on one of his books.
The Crossover NBA Show with Chris Mannix
"james hollis" Discussed on The Crossover NBA Show with Chris Mannix
"Of look back and say well maybe it was worth it. They got him beating. Simpson might not have been pleasant for you living through it but for the franchise's a whole like hard to argue with the results have been beaten simmons. Top fifteen guys say that that whole situation The the tank dot to try to get you know the best picks and stuff like that. I was not on board with that at all I honestly thought that. I was going to be traded and i was going to be like added air because of the situation that was going on. It wasn't ideal for me at that point my career to to beat her into be going through that But one thing i did was. I played Weapon entire of the racing. They're like. I never stopped playing. I didn't come didn't come to work and say hey i'm not playing today because they trade trading like that. I can't play with young guys. I play tony road. Michael carter williams and you know You know James hollis Holliston and all those guys like. I can't even play with those guys so in brett brown like like for him to go through that in the beginning stages like i think that was huge. Changes will because you know what coach wants to come into a situation where tanks so you know. My hat goes off the brett because like one thing he did do to the gym today he came to work and he kinda try to make guys better like we'll be jim and it can be rainy and snowy outside and he'll come into the gym and say it's a beautiful fucking david. What did he talk fucking snowing outside but but like it just that type of energy that makes you wanna play for guys like that. And i didn't want. I didn't want to turn my back on him nor my teammates so i continue to play but it wasn't like it wasn't the most ideal time for me to play but i was. I was highly pissed off. Like i was pissed off and i and but i approached everything game without this. I think i average like eighteen nineteen season but You know for me like it was definitely not ideal season for me because i felt like i was only there and i felt like You know that..
The Unmistakable Creative Podcast
"james hollis" Discussed on The Unmistakable Creative Podcast
"Say one of the thing on that i've been Really helped in my life by a question that came comes up in the work of james hollis union. Psychotherapist who's books. I would definitely Recommended he he recommends asking this question. What direction in life right now would would enlarge me rather than diminish me in other words. Not what would make me happier. Because that's very difficult to tell and it usually doesn't work but but to connect to this question of meaning and to and to find You know in whatever emotional situation you find yourself something. Just the next thing that you could do however small that would be kind of the would would make you into a slightly would be growth focused instead of instead of sort of diminishment focused and it might be kind of. It might be kind of nothing. I think there are good reasons why jordan peterson is very controversial and has a lot of critics. But i think that that focus on you know just do one thing if you if you can if the only thing you can do right now is to like make your bed and then then reward yourself with a with a chocolate treat for having done that. You know that counts. That is that is real. That sort of what is the one right next right thing that you could do right now and that doesn't connect you to questions of like. How can i make myself full of good cheer. i like. that's not relevant right. It's like what is the next step in the darkness rather than An an yeah. It absolutely might be that you can load the dishwasher. Or if you're kind of it might be that you can answer some a bunch of emails. You're no longer so whatever you know it depends. It depends where it finds you so you be the one person who might be able to give me an answer to this question. Because i'm asked it to numerous people and nobody seems to have an answer that i'm satisfied with so i looked at the intercept. Right yeah exactly not at all. It's just based on your perspective. I feel like you might have some insight on this that nobody's been able to give me but like if you look at sort of a typical personal development effort whether it's a book a seminar you know whatever it is or course and you see this across the board i you get sort of three groups of people right. The person who would have gotten the results whether they went to that thing or not or did that thing or not. Because that's just how they're wired the person who actually that thing becomes a catalyst for their change and then you have sort of this Other group which is basically people who go from seminar to seminar book to book. Like i always said if i actually implemented all of the advice received from podcast guests in the books that are on my shelf. I'd be a billionaire with a six pack and a harem of women. And i'm none of those things you know so like why do we get those three groups. Because i i feel like third..