3 Episode results for "Jacqueline Cincotta"

#40  O fim do mundo e recomeo pt. 3

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1:02:32 hr | 1 year ago

#40 O fim do mundo e recomeo pt. 3

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Its My Party

The United States of Anxiety

50:15 min | 8 months ago

Its My Party

"Each. Listener supported. W NYC studios. Everybody. So what you're about to hear is our first live broadcast of the United States having Zaidi we're going to be doing it every Sunday evening at six pm eastern you can stream it anywhere you want or you can continue to listen right here on Mondays in the podcast feed. So you'll hear some of your own responses to the question we put out you'll hear some folks calling into the show answering that question as well. Don't pick up your phones and call now because we're not going to be answering yet, but we'll have more questions for usage so. toback joy tweet at us if you want here's our first live episode. Kai Right, and this is the United States of anxiety a about the unfinished business of artistry, pits, ripped our. Future. Good evening everyone it's a hard time and everyone's feeling it in different ways. When you're talking about someone who is in the Senate for a length of time that he was and someone who is by President, who on that national state had more experienced in that? I am incredibly honoured by this responsibility. and. I'm ready to get to work. Of course to news. WHO ARE WE NATION What do we stand for? Most important. What do you want to be? Uh. The. Message of last week's democratic. Convention was as direct as it is aspirational. Is the party of joyously diverse. America. Sure. The SORTA Patricia White Guy, at the top of the ticket might look a lot like the past but he wants to lead us into a future in which patriotism is all about celebrating and legit enjoying the jumble of humans that make up a nation. This large I mean those kids on opening night. An argument for any particular policy. Was a case for a new national identity. Our show the United States have anxiety is new to Sunday evenings, but as a podcast over the past four years, this show has also been a conversation about our national identity and the collective choices we make based on how we understand ourselves. We spent the two thousand sixteen election in the suburbs of long island trying to make sense of the anxiety and fear that seemed to fuel that trump revolution ever since then we've continue digging through our national history traveling this region in this country meeting people and asking them what they value a kind of community they want to create and whenever we can talking with you. And if anything is clear from all of that reporting, it's that the status quo cannot hold. So what comes next? The Democrats have spent more than a year debating that and watching the debate. It's felt a lot like that game. Some families play when giving each other gifts you get this big huge box and you tear into it and you find just another smaller box, and so you tear into that one and it's another smaller box and on and on it goes until you get to this tiny little box. That's actual gift. So I felt at least. Primary. started off feeling something honestly huge and totally knew was gonNA come out of it i. mean you this huge diverse slate of candidates that really did look like America. You could literally see a future in which power looked and sounded different and yet in the end. When. He candidate is a guy who I ran for president more than thirty years ago. But. If you've played that game with those gift boxes. You also know that a lot of times there's something really unexpected inside that tiny final box. and. That's a prize. That is what a lot of Democrats are hoping. They have founded Joe Biden. Later in this hour, we'll talk with somebody who worked who wanted to elect a far more radical nominee. But who has nonetheless already begun working with the Party to get unexpected change out of a Biden presidency? And I want to hear from you during that conversation to get your thoughts ready now. But first, let me introduce you to someone who is perfectly excited about. Joe, Biden just as he is right now. One thing during this primary season that I found kind of frustrating was so many people had so much to say about black people who are those traditional reliable Democrats. I wanted to hear more from those buying. Democrats. So, we start this by visiting a place where the Bernie. Revolution. Instant, clamor. Whenever producers. Caroline Adams. Took me over to south east coast virtually of course. Cake High. So you are born and raised savvy queens. Right? I am hasn't always been something I was excited about but. I'm here now. Rescinded. Going out with your friends and at four o'clock in the morning you're like Oh man if I missed this train the next one is in three hours. It's crazy but it. It's where I grew up my family, my friends my community members are here it's black were proud and I love it. You say it's black but not exclusively. But just about people from all across the Diaspora I mean Caribbeans African African, American like people of all socioeconomic backgrounds live here. And it's reflected in our food, our culture, the schools, and ultimately the leadership. And as I understand it as a consequence of that the political leadership, there is quite black as well. Right it is but it also hasn't always been that way I mean, African Americans really started moving into the area in the forties but between the fifties in the seventies is one black New Yorkers really began buying homes here and there were serious pushback. We perceive ourselves to be very progressive state didn't have slavery. We didn't do the burning of the crosses and then you find out that many pockets of new. York that was very much happening the level of arson. Firebombing houses here in Rosedale, and then around that same period of time in the sixties, we still had literacy tests you had to be able to. Demonstrate competency in the language of English in order to even be allowed to vote, and it's part of imagine why you have such a rich political black political culture there. Right and isn't it the case that? Southeast Queens has the highest voter turnouts in the city. Yeah. I mean I think people here recognized the power in voting and the importance of both representations and engaging in local politics and remember it like there's a pretty sizable population over here that's older and a lot of them remember and experience the civil rights movement of the sixties. So this is not like the new up start Queens politics. This is not AFC. No these are people who have been here who have been living here whose parents grandparents for here, and when they finally had the chance to have some representation. They took it. So who could I meet? WHO's the right person for us to talk to if we want understand the black politics southeast Queens. Walla. Soon, as we started discussing the DNC Ross big ner was the first person that come to mind. She's district leader our family is known. All over this part of the district for the fact that her cousin had been a city council member for twenty seven years representing this area. And people loved him, he worked with guy. Brewer. which is crazy. Legendary names in new. York politics. Guy. Archie spinner and she grew up in that milieu is everyone on Msnbc yes and last week we found her as he was. Hosting these. Barn, burner. Song sometimes. Raucous zoom calls. To watch the conventions with community and. Ryan. Ryan. Buying this. People jumped on the call at seven o'clock at eight. So, I was just trying to get my backdrop together have my balloons and everything that first night with Michelle Obama's speech was pretty intense my. Conversation ended at twelve forty five. Wow. They WanNa talk and asks that I got to go to sleep Roslin and her people are kind of the primary audience for Political Convention the Party faithful who need to get really really excited about doing a lot of work over the next couple of Matz. Rosalyn had of course plan to be there in person. This would have been her third convention at never been to Wisconsin. So I was looking forward to some cheese and some beer and some fruit wine. It was a letdown. I mean it's a bit like you know that big trip you've been planning this summer that krona virus has now screwed up that family reunion our vacation with college friends that huge wedding party that you've been dreaming about for over a year now, and you know now you're making do with a virtual whatever. That was the DNC for Rosslyn is be in person being there. INADA Rena with that New York banner. Just you know just having a good time, there's no recreating emotion of the Convention for you really feel like it's your part in because that's when you feel like really I'm really a part of this guy. And it's just like you know being delta when you go to a Delta Convention or Aka. Convention, you're part of this. So you feel proud to be a part of it. Let me just pause there for a second because the black sororities that Roslin talking about here are suddenly in the news. And that's actually really important detail if you want to actually understand the dynamics in today's democratic, party family is my beloved Alpha Kappa Alpha. Our divine nine and my hpc you brothers and Sisters Hers Is Famously Aka but she also went to a black college and not just age. I mean, I don't want to start any mess out there but some people consider her alma mater, our university to be the summit of black. Higher. Education. But the point is she in Rosalyn both came up through black institutions institutions that thanks to the stark realities of segregation continue to play a humongous role in black civic and social life I kind of learned about the whole historically black life. By going to camp because all of the counselors and the staff members, a lot of them were Greek and then they head towards the historically black colleges. So once I became a Delta I, just a modeled I my experience as a young person in leadership training going to camp camp missing a historically black camp, and it's you know the camps, the colleges, these historically black institutions part of the point right is that these are places where if you wanted to be engaged in civic life as a black. person you can, and you can do it with respect authority and Power and the way that we often can't and other parts of society including in politics. Right you know my Sorority they recommend that we run for office because you in order for us to make the changes in our community that needs to be made on a legislative level. You know they recommend hey, be on a school board become the district leader make sure to become a city council person go ahead and be. Attorney General Loretta Lynch. Our Vice President. Homily Hers Aka. As right or vice president or Shirley Chisholm adults who ran for president I am the candidate of the. People America. All of which is say for some black people particularly people in. Roslyn generation the Democratic Party is itself a kind of historically black institution. One in which Roslyn has invested enormous amounts of time any motion. So when she hears people railing against the Party and its so called establishment. It turns her off. Noticed lately. Stop was getting a little bit nervous. I am not a Bernie person at all. He's an independent I just feel independent should organize and raise money so that they can run their own candidates and they don't have to run on our ticket because I believe in the Independent Party and I believe that they should do what they need to do why come on the Democratic ticket do what you have to do like they do on the state level and raise enough money and run you candidates. Because you ultimately believe in the democratic. Party. Yeah. became a more formidable party and run your own candidates and do your own thing. You said, you're the district leader. What does that mean like what? Inside the inside the Democratic Party, being district leader what what does that mean? If I've never heard, we are executive members of the Democratic Party in that county. So someone would approach a district leader Satin I'm interested in running force and he council I'm interested in running for state assembly. I'm interested in becoming a judge and basically we would have that conversation with that potential candidate. To understand if they are really knowledgeable of their qualify or if they need the grooming or the mentoring so we would work with that candidate to get them prepared if they are interested in running in the end, if they are the best in a suitable, most suitable candidate than basically they would get the nomination from the county. To run in at raise the official imprimatur of right Democratic Party. In that particular place, we say, we support this person many elected officials including myself did not have the county support so you don't necessarily have to have the county support win. But at least with the county pick that person was basically that it, they probably vetted resin if you're listening to rusling here with the era of say sanders supporter. Or someone who generally thinks the party is far too top down. Then, you probably think what Rosalyn is describing is exactly the problem with the Democratic Party I. Know You've heard of the term kingmaker Queenmaker Dino. Okay. Queens is arguably the epicenter of the conflict between the Democratic Party's establishment wing and the Revolution Sanders has inspired. I mean, this is where Alexandria Cossio Cortez shockingly beat Joe Crowley two years ago. And what you may not appreciate about that is Crowley was more than a veteran Congress member. He was the head of the Queen's Democratic we're dealing with right now is the dynamics of power ever since that upset, the new Queen's Democrats have been demanding more small d democracy that is an inherent tension within the party. There are people who want to always hold back slowdown the more moderate more status quo. But AOL see is in northern Queens and so is much of the uprising she has come to symbolize, and so are a lot of the younger wealthier whiter people who have moved to Queens in recent years. So in southern, Queens Roslyn lives. A lot of skepticism about those people in the north who WanNa shake up an institution in which black people only recently gained some real power. They. Say That people like you are the establishment and that they are running against that establishment I, can't media establishment because the establishment never looked like me. The establishment looks very much like how they look meeting there white. You see the the reformers as white they are most of them are in Queens. Yeah. Most of them are and they wanted back or. either. They're young and they and they don't understand the process of politics because I guarantee you. If they did get it back, they would want to give it up. Power is not something that you just. Get and give away. Now it's not totally fair to say the reformers are white. A lot of them are people of Color mean queens is a really diverse place even in the north. And listen if someone in Roslyn position with her access to power her relationship to those titans of local politics. If that's not establishment, I don't know what it is. But from where rosalind sets, you also gotta understand the history of the Democratic Party and how it still functions in Queens and in a lot of places my colleagues here in the WNYC news room every on this a good bit. There are two ways to get involved in politics and a town where political machines run the show you can fight them or you can join the team in that film the Matrix political power in southeast Queens may be black, but the whole county has always been controlled by a handful of icy or people who report all the way up to the governor. And Rosalind and her colleagues they don't have much more access to that white power structure than upstarts northern. Queens, she's actually part of a generation of Black Democrats who got the power they have now by challenging the party in two thousand eight, Hillary Clinton was the party's candidate especially here in New York and she was our senator. But Roslin, she joined the Obama Movement instead a lot of people they didn't believe that he was going to win and I finally found a group that was organized in Soho. and. When I went to meet with these people it was like. It was like the second coming they were. So over I mean like you just don't understand you have to hear him speak you have to be in a wrong with them. This man is dynamite. He's charismatic. He's this he's at. Stay on Oprah. And to understand and I didn't understand until I actually. was in the same room with him and I actually heard him speak. I was speechless I believe that we have a right to win that our backs and that we stand on the crossroads of history, we can make the right choices and meet the challenges that face US Obama did not do well in new? York. He won just three congressional districts in the entire state but southeast cleans was one of the same hopefulness that which maybe helps explain why despite having two black candidates in the primary this year Rosslyn in her democratic club got behind Joe Biden pretty early on. They. Knew Him. Do. You remember the first time you met Joe Biden yes. What he said to me was Rosalyn he said Okay how you Rosalyn from Queens such a pleasure to meet you. He said you know we have You have more people living in the borough of Queens than we have in the entire state of of Delaware. You have over two million people living there. He said he said. So what I need you to do is to make sure that all of those people vote for Obama and Biden do you think that you can do that? And I said Oh sure. I can do that. I can organize two million people. No problem you know he laughed and we laughed and took a photo took two photos and he was really nice. It was a great experience that sad rows really like Cory Booker's campaign actually and she really wanted to be with a black candidate but that's just not where people were because I pointedly asked people They felt that they didn't know enough about Corey. Cory ran and burning building save dogs. I mean he was the mayor of Newark. Look he was you know Cory Booker was Superman sometimes the stars have aligned with. An stars weren't aligned with with these candidates. So you 'cause I hear you saying you would have gotten behind. Candidates at. Hot So this was a real politik choice for you to support Joe Biden here were like well, like people are with him. I'm going to be with what black people are for. The Democratic Party is a tangle of constituencies, includes people from very different communities with very different histories dreams. So, much of what we have witnessed over the past week in this unique virtual convention. Has Been An effort to simplify the party's complexity to make it clear what it means to be a Democrat so people with their fighting for. Rosslyn though. Never been confused about that part. I'm a Democrat I believe that I am a trueblue Democrat and that you know whoever the nominee would have been I would have come around that person. I'm going to make sure that I do my best my my personal best to make sure that my community is engaged and they're fired up and ready to vote for Joe. That was Roslyn spinner a Democratic Party leader in Queens in a few minutes I'm going to talk with a Democrat who wanted a good deal more change in this election cycle we'll be right back. I'm outlets from reveal and I wanNA to tell you about our new investigative series. It's about drug rehabs that Prophet. By putting people to work for no pay to me it was like slave labor. It's been called a cult. They had pig mask on. Brainwashing because a brain is dirty unpaid workers trapped in the gears of Rehab Machine. American Rehab available now in your reveal by gas feet. Welcome back. I'm Kai right and this is the first week of eight brand new Sunday ritual here at WNYC I'll be each week for a new live edition of the United States of anxiety will be telling stories and meeting smart people, but also talking with all of you about what you value and what kind of communities we want to build together. This week we're thinking about the Democratic Party. So if you're a Democrat of whatever ideological stripe, call us up and tell us what you need from your party and can we take it as a given for this exercise that you want them to to defeat Donald Trump we know that. So let's say Joe Biden wins. What then call us up at six, four, six, four, three, five, seven to eight, zero. This is an invitation to get specific and personal will make a difference in your life six four. Six, four, three, five, seven to eight, zero are on twitter with the Hashtag you of anxiety, and we already heard from some of our podcast subscribers and twitter followers. So here's a bit of what you had to say, Hey, my name's Erica Eric as Melissa Cain Hi my name is brandon I am black thirty one years old I am an la girl who now lives in Richmond Virginia I am a college freshman currently in Houston I am from South Sioux City Nebraska and I need from my Democratic Party. Vision. Unfortunately, as I placed my vote this year I feel like it'll be from a place of desperation and not from. A true place of pride when you ask me what I would like to see from our country and from our Democratic Party, I'm looking for comprehensive child care solutions everything from birth to kindergarten. When I look at other countries and what they do for families and how they support families. That is where I'd like to see the United States be twenty twenty is going to be the first election and voting in, and honestly I think the number one thing that I want the Democratic Party to do for me is to make sure that getting is solid education is affordable and will not land me in debt for the next few decades of my life. So as someone who is in Jen's e I really hope the Democratic Party in the next few years adopting platform that concretely deals with issues that affect our futures. So those are some of the voice mails, we've already received. Now it's your turn. If you're a Democrat tell us what you want from your party again, not just beating Donald Trump we know that much what will make a difference in your life? If Joe Biden wins now on the opening night of last week's Democratic Convention Bernie Sanders once again directed his movement to stop challenging the party at least for the moment. Start supporting it. Adult Elsa has already answered that call is a vocal part of the movement that has been associated with Bernie Sanders people who are trying to push the Democratic Party toward a more progressive agenda. Twenty eighteen he ran to be the Democratic candidate for governor in Michigan he got he's endorsement and a huge part of his platform was support for Medicare for all why The. Richest Powell. People off. Health care they are. Way Only stand up. He lost that election, but he has continued the fight. He's the author of healing politics doctor's journey into the heart of our political epidemic and notably Bernie Sanders asked him to serve on the Unity Task Force that helped craft the New Democratic Party platform, which some argue is the most progressive in the party's history. Deal worked on the healthcare plank. And thanks for joining the show. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. So, can we start by talking about your own personal journey to to public service because I feel like it's something that offers a lot of insight for people who are in the progressive wing of the Democratic, party about how that has grown in recent years. You started off wanting to be a doctor right tell me about that. Why Dr? Has Right So I'm I'm the son of immigrants from Egypt that I was raised by my father and my stepmother whose daughter in the American revolution and many summers growing up by the experience the whiplash of leaving I comfortable suburban Detroit home going fifteen hours and then going to Egypt in the working class part of Alexandria where my father grew up. My Grandmother who might spend most of my time with was illiterate though she was the wisest and most intelligent person I've ever met. And if she you had this wisdom about her. She had eight kids that she gave birth to two of whom died before the age of one. So for her her personal infant mortality rate was five percent cents. But she would always point to my cousins people who didn't have the same opportunities that I had and she would say that one over there smarter than you. Now, what over there is taller and better looks at one's a lot nicer. Than you've got. A set of opportunities. And and so you know the crazy thing is in those fifteen hours. that I traveled to Egypt I travel about ten years difference in like expectancy but the craziest thing is growing up in suburban Detroit I. Could Travel Fifteen minutes south. And I travel the same tenure expectancy gap and I wanted to solve that and that's why I became a doctor. I heard you mention in a speech you gave to the New York Academy of Medicine. Also that you know nobody ever complains about their kid decided to be a doctor. You get a lot of praise for that kind of thing. That's right. particularly as a child of immigrants being reasonable household You know that sort of the the highest ideal that one can aspire to and the funny thing is if. My parents would have known that end up running for office he probably stayed back home. They could guarantee I'd never run for office because civil democracy there. But you know that that's the path I was walking but I just kept trying to map what I saw in healthcare system to. The call that my grandmother had made to me that challenge. About justifying in validating the absurd said opportunities that I had relative to pundits and And I just I. I would watch the way they're our healthcare system worked how it would treat low income people people who didn't have the same kind of privilege that I was fortunate to grow up with and I I. Ask Myself. Is this part of the solution is part of the problem. And There was one particular patient had come in after reading her head and I watched basically the emergency room tried to kick her out onto the streets he had been drinking and they figure that not find her way to another bottle and avoid. Going into all to do that it meant that they basically didn't give her the workup. You're I buy virtual privileges would have definitely gotten. And I was a fourth year medical student and. Her experiences fundamentally changed my perspective on whether or not I thought that I could actually achieve the set of changes that I wanted to address the address the quality that I saw in healthcare through the healthcare system and I concluded that I really couldn't and so I left clinical medicine decided not to do clinical residency. It how did that feel because you had such a promising criminal you're Rhodes scholar you were you went off to Oxford you you later became. Somewhat, celebrated academic you wrote a textbook and so at some point, you stepped away from all of that for public service and how D- How did that feel to do that? It's It's scary Institutions the institutions that we all live in working and Engage with that May. They have a stated set of names and then they have the. Trajectory actually is intended tour. And I think that sometimes we assume that leadership is about accelerating institutions in the direction that they're headed and when you do that institutions reward you, they give you the awards and they give you the accolades and they give you the the stepping stones. And I I I. Think you know I had to step back for a second and ask. Are the institutions that I am working in. Are. They actually meeting their state at eight. And what is the difference between those stated aims and the aims that it seems that they're actually moving toward and it didn't matter if you were talking about the healthcare system but we're also sometimes the academic system that there are a set of goals that are stated, and then there are the goals that seemed to be driven toward, and they almost always focus on Monday you know healthcare system. In particular, you have this system where you seven thousand health insurance companies you know are paying their CEO's the millions of dollars the corporations keep eating each other up and. So you have this major consolidation also that the NBA is at the top can enrich themselves and you ask is this for the best interest for the people that we say we want to serve and at that point I had to step back is live with a lot of institutional privilege and I you know am I actually meeting the aims that I set out toward or the aims the institutions are headed and does it mean that one has to call the institutions to correct and sometimes can be painful and sometimes it means that you lose platforms, lose opportunities but Today I had asthma but my grandmother someone would never do those institutions and what she would say and I realized I was if I continued forward in that in that rule without stepping back in the big question that I would not be meeting the the big question that she had asked me. On this question of institutions before I take a call on this I mean. So the Democratic Party is itself an institution that you know some argue Is Rewarding people who push it along in a direction versus trying to change it. You have decided to engage with it why? Well, you know at this point very clearly. He has a a neo-fascist and a white supremacist who is actively plenty of the country to depths that I cannot imagine and as a child who spent some time in the country run by dictators never wanted to our country go that way I also realize no that this institution needs to being taped it but also challenge and you know when I ran for governor, I ran an outsider's campaign I was not supported. By any of the major party powerbrokers and part of that was because I knew that in order to get them to pay attention to the challenges that they face. The Carina of politics was an easy way to challenge that institution straight up and now I look at where we are I supported Bernie Sanders Harley in the primary but we didn't win and the question now becomes how do we defeat Donald Trump protect the democracy on which we hoped to? Play another day and continue to write forwards the kinds of policies that truly address the kind of challenges that people like my patient that I talked to you about earlier face every day and It's a this is a moment where the today sometimes it looks like we're wrestling sometimes it looks like we're we're dancing but the whole time trying to pull toward a framework that centers the people who often don't get centered by many of her institutions are politics included. Let's stick call Kira from the Bronx Cure. Welcome to WNYC. High you hear me. Okay I sure can. So I assume you consider yourself a democrat. What what what could the party? Let's say Joe Biden wins what what could they do to help you? Well I mean. What I feel that they could do to help me is actually TRY TO UNIFY AMERICA Just. Try Find One goal like I know he tried to stay about four things that he said he wanted to do as president. But I think that he needs to find one goal that Americans can really focus on. And drive that forward focus on one point and try to get everyone in the same page because there are just too many things that are dividing lines too many things. people disagree because they're in a group of people like minded people also believe certain things kill I think that he has to. Go above that and Then when your show. I'm sorry you dropped out at the last bit there. Say That again care. Oh. I'm sorry I was just congratulating you on the first Dries. Thank you so much. Can I ask you a follow up question though so if you say unity is what's really important to you here now At what cost some somewhat say that listen you know if you focus on you, then that's going to get in the way of the tension that is required to make the change that we need. So how do you? How do you come down on that? I understand that but. I think that we have to take the reality of this country as it is right now and the fact that. People cannot even agree on what the truth is in many ways so. In that sense before we are able to really tackle the big goals, we need everybody to have a certain. Like Polo was common denominator. Right, which could be seem leave just that our country needs. You know more jobs that that that people are suffering in the middle of the country not that it's not only about the big cities like us in New York that we have to think about. All of the United States and help all team. Thank you for calling in care. I hope you call us back. It's Reggie in bed stuy Reggie welcome to WNYC. High Reggie in bid Sti- sixty years old always lived in bits tie working jazz musician. You guys should talk to me I mean I would make great interview. Well, you're here right now there are talking Reggie, you're on the air what okay. What would you like to hear from the Democratic Party if I assume you consider yourself a Democrat what what what would you like if Joe Biden wins? What can he do to help you? What he can do to help me is a wi fi access and connectivity that we don't really have here in Bedford Stye, they haven't park slope and And and Brooklyn Heights to the actual financial and banking access. We have all these small black businesses and small businesses in general that did not have access to the P P P loans forgivable loan jr because they weren't connected to. War The bank that they were connected to didn't want to take the time to process the loan to be into. You have businesses here that didn't get P P P loans You know we're not getting. We are not getting services that. We should be getting in the public sector you know and I mean I know all this unity stuff? You know I supported I'm black. I've been here for sixty years I supporting I supported Bernie. I voted for Bernie's forty slate in the primary I will vote for Biden harass you know I mean you know but you know it's because we're voting against the fascist. So even Colin Powell and Bob. Avakian all agree we all have to Kansas guy out of office but the democratic establishment has to do something for me. Well Reggie I'm. GonNa leave it there because we need to take a break. But thanks for giving us a call and I hope you'll call back. I'm right in. This is the United States have anxiety. I'm talking with Abdul El-Sayed former Democratic candidate for governor in Michigan and a vocal advocate for Medicare for all who was a proud member of the Bernie Sanders. Revolution and yet has gotten to work alongside. Joe Biden. Brennan talk about that choice a little more shortly. But I also WANNA keep hearing from you. If you're a Democrat, what do you want from your party Biden wins what then? Abdul before we chat some more I, want to start with a young woman from south Florida shared Delta who is volunteering with the Democratic Socialists of America and is now reporting for the eighteen to twenty nine projects, which is a project of WNYC's radio rookies. program. And share you have been out there talking to your peers and I want to hear a little bit about what what what you've been hearing welcome to. SEE FIRST OFF. We have you. Thank you. Thank you for welcoming. Yeah Yeah I've been hearing mostly the tone of a lot of disappointment and processing that I think among my Comrades in the in the Democratic Socialist. America, there are some people that. Seems Split on whether or not? They want to vote for Joe Biden and there's people that are deciding not to vote at all and some people that are waiting to see if maybe Joe Biden will be more agreeable to some of the policies that they are passionate about. So it's really been kind of. Back and forth between the group, they've been more of a divide among the than there have been before. Stay. With us for a second share adult what hearing that? What are your thoughts as somebody again, who is sort of in the same political you you were working really hard with Bernie Sanders and and you. Are hearing share say that some of the folks she's with their their divided about this what would you say to them? Yeah I hear the frustration and I understand that where it comes from I'll also say that you know sometimes even though we may not be moving forward as fast as we might want. It is important that we don't continue to move backward and now I'll say that I would rather be organizing who enact Medicare for all under Abidin Administration. Then to prevent the repeal of the ACA under a continued trump's administration I'd rather be organizing real immigration reform. Then organizing against be The fact that this president is kids in cages and wants to, if I ended immigration from people with with darker skin tones I'd rather be organizing for a green new deal an organizing against non enforcement of Basic Aaron Water Protections we we've agreed upon been consensus in this country since the nineteen seventies, and so I hear the frustration we need Medicare for all we need renewed your we need to address the ridiculous debt that people taking on just to get a higher education but I also know that you know when it comes to people like. My own family and so many people who are struggling in this moment. The consequences of former years for prompt are very real and for all of us when you look at what he's doing with respect to tampering at the post office or threatening to send federal officers, election sites or talking about you've been. Delaying the election this man is pointing to a A strain of anti democracy that I think is so dangerous and we've got to protect that democracy, and so I hear the frustration and I I I understand it hardware feeling. But I also know that right now we have an opportunity to get to get Joe Biden Communautaire elected and then continue to build our movement to move their hands and create the legislation we know can address so many of the challenges that we face in the markle so keep going. And share hearing that I mean do you think that's the kind of thing that folks that you're with would Is that a compelling argument as some of the people that you're talking to. A compelling argument for me and batted why I will be voting in November because I know that there's vulnerable citizens who live risks. And I need to do. What's best for them? What not? Necessarily, what feels good but even despite you saying not there's people that I know that are passionately against. You know what they would consider giving in and sending the wrong message because. they did that in two thousand sixteen with Hillary Clinton when they feel like we're just gonNA keep doing the same thing over and over again and it people are going to expect to keep doing this. And they don't. They don't feel like it's the right decision despite all of that and it's hard for me to. Argue with them because I'm not excited vote for Joe Biden I'm GONNA do it. I'm not on the street knocking on doors like would Bernie Sanders I'm but I'm going to do it but like How do I express that to people that don't feel that way and I've as strong strongly against voting in this upcoming election that's of the balance between the two different sides in my organizations that people wanting to vote in some people going a different route. Thank you for calling in and giving us that share what we will be checking in with you in south Florida as this election keeps going and if you want to check out shows latest article in the eighteen to twenty nine project, it's called getting on board with Kamala. Stated at their website young America speaks up DOT ORG. Abdul. So on this question of you know what is fast enough so you've engaged with that. You were on the task force that helped write the healthcare plank of the Democratic Party. Now, it notably does not include Medicare, for all so. What point tell me about that process? What in there is an example of saying, okay you know what? This is I. This I can believe in this is where we were able to move the. Biden camp. Yeah. I will say that So much of my willingness to participate is because. Senator. Sanders, asked me to do it and He recognizes dot in order for the movement to continue, we have to star being able to continue to drive the outside while also being able to engage folks on the inside, and we knew that healthcare was an issue that had been deeply litigated in the primary. Where Joe by stood and we knew that we weren't going to be able to turn a Joe Biden into Bernie Sanders. The question was, were we able to take the platform that Joe Biden had run on which was a you know a public option in into that very thin public option and help make it meet the moment of the post covert reality in which we're living right now and also ten, we allow it to do a couple of basic sense number one I judge all policy based on how it would factor into the lives of the people I was responsible for when. I was helped director for the city of Detroit. When it make their lives, better would give them better healthcare and take leave more money in their pockets and then second would take power away from the corporations who have put their choke hold on the healthcare system in a lot of ways, and what we were able to do work together with eight people. Right three of us from the the the Sanders imbibed from the Biden side who are focused on really helping to create a platform that was as rigorous as possible recognizing that we had disagreements about the best way to do that philosophically. and come together in hammer that Louis Jewish. Really beef up public option to make it freely available for people earning less than two hundred percent of poverty that means earn less than fifty thousand dollars a year for a family of four. Make it truly public so that it was operated by a corporation skimmed the cream off the top, the really operated by the government. Free of a deductible, which is money to pay when you get your healthcare If after you've already paid your premiums Bi weekly or monthly and we were able to to to get in there that Medicare. which is the biggest buyer prescription drugs would be able to negotiate. With pharmaceutical companies. So the kids right now professor thorough law and do so for everybody and then really focus on on healthcare woody in embracing this public health moment and you know I'm not satisfied I believe in. Medicare, for all the next book that I have coming out it's called Medicare for all but I am optimistic that if we can get this done. Those people can take away some of the power from corporations. We'll have to leave it with that idea Abdul. Thank you for joining us Abdul El-Sayed is the former Democratic candidate for Governor Michigan and author of healing politics a doctor's journey into the heart of our political epidemic. And so now we look forward to next week's Republican National Convention Donald, trump says he's going to speak every single night. So we shall see how this goes and we will be back here next Sunday to reflect on all of it join us then and every. Sunday from now on live at six PM here on WNYC streaming online wherever you are in the world and you can always catch up with episodes by subscribing wherever you get your podcast. If you're looking for something to listen to and just finding guest tonight go back in that feed. That's a bunch of stuff there right now you can check out and you can keep talking to me on twitter at Kai underscore, right? This has been the United States have anxiety live look forward to hearing from you again, thanks for spending this time with us. Let's gather next week. United States have anxiety is a production of WNYC studios. Episode was reported and produced by Caroline Adams Vera Lynn Williams and myself. It was edited by Karen Freeman who is also our executive producer and it was mixed by Hannah's Brown. Per team also includes Emily Boutin Kevin Bristow Ginny Casaus, Marianne mccune, and Christopher. Worth. Eight ton of people had to work really hard to turn this podcast in two a live show as well. So a special thanks to rob Christiansen Jacqueline cincotta Aaron Cohen Jason Isaac and Wayne. Shoe Meister amongst others. And it's Brown also wrote our theme music it was performed by the attleboro brass. Band. Keep in touch and you can follow me on twitter at Kai underscore right and thanks for listening take care of yourself and. Hope to hear from your live at six PM eastern every Sunday.

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Lessons From a Year in Isolation

The United States of Anxiety

49:38 min | 3 months ago

Lessons From a Year in Isolation

"Each listener supported w nyc studios. This is the united states anxiety. Show about the unfinished business of our history. And its grip on our future as now. Indoor dining has been shot again. There's just took what seemed like another step backwards in the war against covid nineteen another sign that the second wave is upon us. My advice is be careful. You are not imprisoned in your home where social creatures need each other to survive and to derive. We had a big loneliness problem in this country before covid. Nineteen social. distancing. Has voted on steroids. Somebody with a mental illness. Sometimes my house is the safest place for me. Sometimes i really do need to get out live alone and say a household and you're the household on the thought of not being other people for an indefinite is overwhelming. Welcome to the show and happy holidays. Everybody i'm kiro and this week. I want to start by just introducing you to somebody. I met who turned out to be kind of a kindred spirit. Can you hear me. Yeah i can hear you. Can you hear me hi. My name is a diva. This is diva serie. Who is a thirteen year. Old eighth grader. Who lives in queens. And she's the first of a few people you're going to meet during this show which is going to be kind of a reflection on the year. We've all been through reflection about our efforts to connect with one another trying times and a reflection with history and mind too. But i'll get to that in a bit for now. The point is we're not live. We're not taking calls this week. We just want to introduce you to some people in our community. Starting with a diva diva. What's the thing you're most looking forward to in the new year. Twenty twenty one first off. I want this to end. I want everything to go back to new orleans to go to school like a normal person. Hang out with my friends again. And i just don't want to stay home. I'm so sick of staying home all day and so diva for you this year. It has been especially hard. I imagine because you just moved to new york and queens from bangladesh right. It's it hasn't even been two years yet. So when this pandemic hit you were really just getting settled in. What was that. Like when i first came. I didn't have a lot of friends. And when i did make some the the people that had i used to try to like cherish those people and back in benefits. You don't get to go a lot of places by yourself so we would go to like mcdonald's food and we would just like go to the park before school and after school we would like go over each other like houses and stuff like that goof around and have fun. What was it like having to be stuck at home. All of a sudden there was a friend that had a specific friend that i had since like sixth grade and they were one of my first ever france actually stick with me and me and her were really close. And after the lockdown. I was just very down and i didn't even feel like touching to anybody else like and every country call most of the times i wouldn't answer because either i was tired or just wasn't really in the mood to talk to anybody because you just wanted to shutdown exactly. I kind of know what that feels like to be honest. I've had a few experiences where it's like. I love my friends. And i miss my friends but at the same time. I don't know there's something about like all the technology of it. That also feels like i want to be bothered exactly every time someone text me now. It's like i don't. I don't feel the excitement like i to like whenever i would see a text. It's like oh these texts me okay. Like cou i'm like. I don't really feel like talking to anybody. And so i wasn't talking to her at all like for months and just one day tax me. She was like. Hey you haven't been talking to me. I don't know what happened to you. But if you're going to act this way that i'm not going to be with you for very long as like There's a lot of things going on you know. It's just stressful lake. I can't always talk to everyone. She's like i get that but you should so some kind of effort. I was like i'm trying to choose like now. You know i can't You know be friends with you like that. It's kind of hard. I was like all right. And so i basically lost her. Oh wow in the course of this pandemic oh. I'm sorry that sucks. I usually don't talk about how i feel and stuff like that. I like to keep it bottled up inside like not. everyone understands. so it's like i understand the best. i'm just keeps myself do you were. Did you have anything that you experienced in those months that you kind of look back and wish you had talked to somebody about that. You'd wish you'd been able to share with one of your friends so beyond you know. I'm just stressed. I want to take everything out and just like tell somebody in. Maybe they'll relate to me because they're in the same position. I am because maybe they were having the same process. Exactly when you imagine twenty twenty one and you said you know getting back to normalize you like just sort of your wildest dreams of what it's gonna be like probably go somewhere you know. Just have fun. Go somewhere far out just anywhere. Outside of my house far could be down the blog right. Lisa's outside of my house. Maybe like the beach or somewhere. I don't know it is a real grown folks thing. But i can't wait to be sitting at brunch on a saturday afternoon. Five or six and my friends there and we're all wearing like short shorts and tank tops and were just laughing about stupid things. That's what i picture. Yeah i would say maybe like you know. Go over friend's house right with like a five or six of my friends and just hang out like watch movies or something sing. Play volleyball or something. that's i want. I want do that too before we let you go. Is there anything you want to say to. All those new yorkers out there listening right now go easy on the kids. It's really stressful. It's really stressful on people. Think that we're having fun because we're home and stuff like that. It's really not. I hear that i hear that. Go easy on the adults to go easy on all of us. We're all having a hard time. That was thirteen year. Old a diva cossery. And as i said she's one of a few people you're gonna meet during this show who will just reflect on this really challenging year. This is our final show of two thousand twenty and while we're always focused here on the collective choices we face as a society we also try to keep in mind that all individual human beings each trying our best. Hopefully our best to live together in love and enjoy. That's been harder this year than most but for some of us. The challenges of this year have also been transformative. So we're going to hear a couple of personal journeys stories like a divas good are about human connection and we are still thinking about history as we do this. These stories will be our shows contribution to attend your time capsule that. Wnyc is making the stations going to open that capsule in twenty thirty. Whoever is here then and we'll see what are twenty twenty selves had to say about this remarkable year. So more about that time capsule later in the show. We're gonna take a short break and when we come back our next reflection on this crazier right and this is the united states of anxiety This week on the new yorker radio hour doctor looks back on the first days of the pandemic as it hit new york hard. You never quite know whether you're doing the right thing or not. And any moment you feel like you might make a mistake. Could hurt someone looking back on. Twenty twenty that's the new yorker radio hour from wnyc studios listened where you get your podcast Welcome back to the united states of anxiety. Cairo and this week. We're helping to build a ten year time capsule that. Wnyc is creating. you might recall right before the election. We did our own little mini time capsule on this show but now our whole station is participating as well as listeners and for our own contribution we're thinking about human connection how hard it's been maintained where we found it and we're introducing you to a few people who are sharing their own stories of connection during the pandemic so we're not live this week. We're not taking calls or anything. I just want to invite you to hear these personal stories and at the end. I'll tell you how to add your own submission to the capsule all right. Our senior producer verlaine williams goes i. Hey guy really so as you know. I moved back to the bronx. This year officially marched. I into an apartment that i love and you know. Thank god because i've now been months. They're working thinking laughing. Excising all alone all alone and getting new technically at also fell in love. But that's a story for another day to say but anyway but i've also spent a lot of time checking in with family and friends many of who are dealing with covert and what is doing to our city and anytime i got a phone call. That wasn't scheduled. My heart sank. Because i knew that anything could be waiting for me on the other side of picking up and there was this one conversation with one of my friends at the station. Cindy rodriguez can you hear me. Echinacea's a reporter at wnyc. Okay that's gonna work. I've known her since i was a teenager. She's always been super supportive and cindy shared with me. She was having a really hard time. And she uncharacteristically 'cause most reporters they don't believe in being the story. She decided to share this time. I got tested over the weekend. 'cause i thought that i would you know test negative and i didn't. I tested positive. So what you need to know. When cindy and i spoke this was back in. May she had already been experiencing cova symptoms for two months and she was really sick and like a lot of people just had to assume she had as i remember back then it was still really hard to get a test exactly and cindy i hope the virus had already run. Its course so it was really hard for me to hear that. But then i spoke to my doctor and she said that you need to trust me that you are not going to die from this and you need to trust me that that you're not going to get really sick. Does cindy have any idea how or where she got covid. Nineteen well as kind of impossible to really know but when the virus darted to spread new york city back in march cindy was reporting in nursing homes which were especially hit hard by covert nineteen. A devastating amount of people died and it wasn't long as that that cine will go wheezing and feeling extremely sick. I really did not think that i had the virus. I just thought. I had like a regular run of the mill cold but then she described symptoms to her doctor. I told her. I'd really bad headache and That i had like a little bit of feeling of asthma. And she said you have the virus in you need to stay home and you can't leave until your symptoms go away. I also had a lotta chills and then that was really really hard for me to here and it was also hard for me to hear that i couldn't get tested and There was nothing she could prescribe for me. I asked her if she could give me Pla- quinnell which was this medication for autoimmune diseases. That was supposed to be working and she said no. I can't that's spur. People that are really sick in the hospital. And then slowly. I started to get sicker and mike congestion. Got much worse in my head felt like it was going to explode and i just had. I could not get warm. And i lost my smell and my taste and she said all you can do is wait. Cyndi like me lives in an apartment all by herself and actually a lot of new yorkers do something like a million people live alone in the city and a vast majority of us are women. It's really hard moment for people that are living alone. I mean it's a hard moment for everybody but living alone you have to really Take care of yourself. I don't know how this is hitting yucai but for me after summer of few socially distant picnics and i had a small birthday celebration where i got to hug a friend i hadn't seen in months. It feels hard to connect with just how many unknowns there were in march you know like right staying away from anyone. You didn't already live with. Felt like the only way to stay safe and to keep the people you love safe right and we just had to like make our lives so small and stop seeing people you know i was here with my partner and i felt lucky as a consequence at least i had somebody around And the truth is so many of us were not well. Going into any of this is truth on top of dealing with cova. D- cindy has also been living with things -iety for almost a decade. I knew that My anxiety was going to be through the roof and my doctor. She offered me an inhaler. And i said sure and then i asked her zanex and she said shore and has struggle with anxiety started with a really shocking experience. So i guess a few years ago probably like six years ago. Cindy started. Have a strange like tightness in her throat. It almost felt like I was the ball that you get in your throat before you're gonna cry. It really bothered her and she assumed it was something physical and so i went to a bunch of different doctors. I went to an ent doctor. I went to this specialist. That deals with like voice issues. And then finally i went to a neurologist and the neurologist put me through all of these tests she's only. The test involve sensors that. Were put all over her body really painful tests in order to measure whatever messages. Her muscles were ascending to her brain. He called me and said come in for the results but he was like you need to bring somebody in. That felt very strange to me. But i was like okay and so my girlfriend at the time my partner at the time went with me and he brought us into his office and he sat us down and we both were like what's happening here. And he said. I'm sorry to tell you but you have lou gehrig's disease and my partner didn't quite know lou gehrig's disease was so he told her what it was. Lou gehrig's affects. The nervous system is also known as a ls and he said that it's a disease that moves quickly and that that it was probably going to kill me and she broke down and was sobbing hysterically and she really could not Hold it together. And she was really distraught. And i looked at him and said. I don't believe that. And i just. I was in disbelief. She couldn't believe it yet. She was destroyed by. I remember. i called my sister. And from there. And i told her and we both just started sobbing. Cindy went on a search for other neurologists. She's to other doctors. Iran the same tests and got very different results and they both said to me that i to not have. Ls and one of them was very clear. Like you do not have to worry. It was a mistake. it was misdiagnosed. And you can live your life and know that you're fine and the other one was like it. Looks fine to me. It looks like you're fine. But you never know and that you never know to stayed with me for so long. For instance one of the first signs of ls weakness in your muscles so weakness in your legs. Your hands your tongue. Everything became a test of those things. I was constantly looking at my tongue. I was walking on my toes to make sure that i could. I was you know when i go to the gym and lift weights. I was like why. Why can i only live to fifteen pounds today. And yesterday it was twenty this misdiagnosis biz. Dev sense it's essentially took such a toll and getting kovic just brought it all back and That was kind of the beginning of this reich distrust in my body and my health and it's kind of similar now. It's kind of that same. Like what i have this. And what is it going to do to me. And can i trust that my body is really going to be. Okay on april the third. I see that i wrote to her. We were talking. Cindy pulled up all these messages between her and her doctors during this time so exercer- read through some of them. I'm feeling so much better yesterday. Things started to turn around by the evening. i was feeling stronger. My appetite had comeback. And it feels like i have the final bits of normal cold and then i said thank you. So much for your caring. Concern your staffer so great for exposing yourself to people who caught this in who are really sick and suffering crossing my fingers. This doesn't get as bad as predicted and we can hug each other again one day soon and then she said thank you. I'll take you up on that hug when we can. I'm normally not overly huggy but this might have changed that you don't realize how much you miss human contact until it's sharply curtailed. I'm thrilled you're improving. Brace for possible backwards step but anticipate continued overall improvement three days later it was like backslide came have chills again and i've lost my smell and taste again and i can't get rid of the head congestion and then you know april tenth. I can't believe how many times i've bothered this poor woman then i road. Congestion is worse on the eleventh. Breathing is getting harder feels more than anxiety but anxiety is adding to it. Then i saw her and she offered to give me an antibiotic called zithromax because she was like it seems to be working on. Some people may be you have like an underlying bacterial infection. And i remember that day because the second she told me she was going to prescribe me. Something i felt so much better and like the difficulty. Breathing suddenly went away so it was just like. It's the idea that how this you can actually treat this like. I could actually get better. But of course the visitor. Max did not do anything. It's just it was. It was like a placebo effect that lasted for a couple of days. So many of us want as at the beginning of this pandemic hospitals returning sick patients away. We were seeing footage of refrigerated trucks for the people that we lost. We were all worrying about everything. But cindy and her doctor already knew he was a problem for her. I asked her. If maybe i should take lexa pro which is Like a mood stabiliser that my sister was taking to see if that helps and she gave it to me and that really had a really bad effect on me and threw me into this panic. I couldn't lay down. Because i was tizzy and i was super nauseous. My vision went blurry. So i couldn't see my phone. Who was pretty awful and my called my sister like it. I don't even remember anymore at night or or in the morning and she stayed on the phone with me from two in the morning until like three o'clock the next day and then i was able to get the doctor to call in and she was saying to me. You have to get up off the floor and you have to get to the zanex and you have to take a xanax and you have to pass out end. This and finally i did and i passed out and i woke up like i don't know how many hours later on my floor. A man that is so hard to hear is just such an intense experience so many people had these kinds of crazy experiences. This year Yeah and as. I listened to cindy both of us sitting in our apartments alone staring at each other through. Zoom i so her as expected really struggling to remember So we call the person. She called at the time verlaine. This is my sister lennie. Lennie this is vera lynn. Sorry you got a distant way at least each other our you. Wow i love your sister very much. Do so lana as you know. You ended up being on the phone with me a long time. Can you just describe what you remember. From that night. I remember you preparing me. So we were talking on the phone earlier in that evening and You had sad that you were having a lot of anxiety and you prepared me that you might need me in the middle of the night and i said okay. I'm gonna sleep with my phone by the bed. And i'll keep my ringer on. And you just call me for whatever you need and about two o'clock in the morning you called. And you were yourself is just clearly panicked. Clearly panic that something terrible was going to happen to you. You know when people say someone is out of their mind. It's really just sounds like such an exaggeration. But you really were out of your mind. It wasn't and i don't mean that. In i may not in the sense of that was not who you were. I could tell when i talk to you. I was just trying to keep you calm and focused and focused on the fact that you could breathe and that you were okay and that you know. Let's just check things off the box. I remember trying to walk you through and checking boxes off. So i could focus you on each of those things you know we talked about. You're afraid that you couldn't breathe. And i said okay. We'll have something happens. I can call nine one one. And you're worried about me calling nine one one and i said i have your address. I repeated your address to you. I said i know the pool. I've looked up the police precinct. Have that phone number. Like felt like if i could get you. Through the night the sunlight the daylight was going to give you at least a little bit different perspective. Because i always think nighttime when you're sick or your troubled or you just feel so much more alone at night and i felt like if i could just get you to daylight that you would be a little bit better. I could reason with you a little bit more so we just kept checking off these boxes of the things that were safety nets for you so i could work through the night on making you feel better my god. That must've been so horrible and stressful for you to hear me not being myself and being so far away it must have put you in a position where you really didn't know whether i should call nine one one but you said to me the that wasn't the case that that you didn't vacillate you knew that i shouldn't call nine one one. I knew you shouldn't call nine on wind because we did walk through. Can you take a deep breath and you could take a deep breath It was just in some instant before you couldn't take a deep breath and so you. That's all you focused on so we walked through all of the things. Do you have a fever. Can you take a deep breath. Are you coughing. Are you shaky. are you week. Did you eat like we checked off all the boxes. So i knew you were okay. I knew it was really just what was happening with you. Psychologically that where the problem was and fortunately you're reasonable about nine one one. Because i said cindy what is it that you expect them to do for you when they come. Because we've already talked through that you don't have a fever and you're not coughing in you can breathe. What is it that you want them to do. And i think that what you wanted was to have someone there to tell you you were okay. Yeah it was messy. It was pretty messy. But i've learned a lot about myself for sure. And i knew that you know you're dealing with your own family but i guess i didn't get to be too much. No you're not too much i am. I'm happy to be there for you. And i'm glad that i was able to be there for you and i'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to share. Just such deep and hard things with me you know. It's so important to be able to communicate how you're feeling. Well i appreciate you saying that. And i you know i think you're right and i think that this is an experience that taught me that that's important. It's really something that i wanna. I do wanna be more open. And i do want to be more connected and i do want to be closer and i look forward to that being like a way of making something good out of an experience that was that was pretty traumatic for me and for so so many other people severely than we are gathering cindy story. Because as i said it's going to be part of the time capsule that we're gonna put away until twenty thirty. So what do you think cindy would say about all of this to twenty thirty. What is what is her concluding. Thought on this I would say cindy releasees all of this as an opportunity to grow and to finally deal with that intense anxiety. She's felt for so long. I need this to be a transformational moment for me. And and i hope that it is and you know i understand how deep the things. It and i understand that. I need to fix it. I mean fix. It is wrong word. I don't think it'll ever get fixed. But i need to understand where it comes from and i need to understand how to deal with that when it surfaces because You know it can be pretty torturous part of what cindy is discovering is how to be alone and i don't mean living alone or even being alone because in that incredibly difficult moment she was able to depend on her sister right. What i mean is being on your own being able to sit with yourself and face yourself and no in here your own thoughts. She's been in a couple of relationships that were full of love but just not right for her and for the first time. She's now asking herself what she truly wants. I do want to build a life with someone you know. I wanna live together. I wanna i wanna have some free traditional things. I've been in serious relationships before. But i've never really been able to ask for what i needed. You know partly. Because i didn't know myself well enough to know what i needed but i also couldn't do it because it made me feel so vulnerable but but it doesn't anymore so that's one part of it but but more than that i think is just being there for myself and knowing myself better and trusting my instincts entrusting what i'm feeling and and Really acting on those things And not avoiding then you know the bangs. Id comes and at times. I can get to the point where i am seeing these things to myself. Aunt not just saying them because anybody can say those things. But but i really believe them. You know that like that. I'm okay that it's fine. It makes me so happy to hear you say that Especially thinking about like. I was thinking when he was on a support system in that moment of like. Oh p crisis that you just in so many ways have exactly what you need it even though you live by yourself and all the different reasons why you know might feel like you're alone in the story that we tell ourselves so like now the story is. I am okay wrong. Yeah yeah exactly. It's so true you know. I built some strong friendships in the midst of this including with you and i also know that so many other people are going through something so similar and really. I'm just trying to remember that. I got through something. That's really difficult. And you know. I can really bride these large waves that life threatening to you. This is the united states things eighty. And we'll be right back. hi. I'm carolyn adams the associate producer on the united states and things. You may have noticed that. We've started to include links for companion episodes in the show descriptions just a few things from archives that we think make for good. Follow to what you're listening to including this episode so tap the description in your podcast app or visit our show site at wnyc dot org slash anxiety to find links to more episodes that we think you might like if you haven't yet checked out an invitation to dream. It's another time capsule project. We did the week before the presidential election a shorter one. That helped us all. Imagine about what might come after election day and here we are so take a listen. We hope you enjoy. our next. Reflection comes from reporter ginny koss who was out walking in chicago this fall when she came across a flyer an advertisement looking for friends. It was posted by nikki. Crawford who suddenly had a lot of free time this year. My day job was a standardized patient. You that is now that is Basically a fake sick person for medical students back in march when the first covid nineteen cases came to chicago. Nikki crawford was working this acting job. But that's a job that requires like you know a lot of people to fly in daily to touch my bare face and so when you know little old pandemic cam We were like better. Put a hold on that for a little bit. March turned to april to may. June and nikki was furloughed twice so with all that new spare time. Nikki picked up some freelancing gigs and got into some new creative projects and i started making rugs as little hobby out. I'm trying to think a little a little bit of like job-hunting making money a little bit of making rugs and then of course Having conversations with strangers. The pandemic's dripped something essential from nikki's life. I think a lot of us can relate. And when i saw the flyer i thought it was a call for companionship. Can you describe the odd for me. Sure an audio tour of this visual flyer so this is standard. Piece of printer. Paper block and white with a little doodle person on their One circular body with a stick limbs and a little crown. There's a speech bubble that says hello exclamation point and a lot of other like old school mode of cons like fingers pointing at it and like flowers and stuff like that and below that it says i'm the fund you would have made if not for covid. We met at that events that was supposed to happen but got cancelled. Remind me what that was. Also what was that album. You want me to check out at the bottom. There's tubs cut into the page with a phone number like any other flyer advertising a room for rent or car for sale and each one says. How are you question. Mark question mark. Text me back. You know. I've used the simulation because i'm better at simulations that i am at making friends. Nikki hung dozens of these fires across a few neighborhoods. The one that i saw was taped under the mouth of a blue. Usps mailbox and it just struck me as so earnest at a time when things are feeling so bleak here. Was someone finding a creative way to connect so. I texted and asked nicky to let me follow along jenny. These are little notes. That i've recorded either while i was walking in hanging up fliers one thing. I have gotten pretty good at is taping flyers to telephone poles himself. It's really easy to look like an idiot out. There just walked by a a fire that already put up and i saw an older gentleman Giving groceries on his way home. I guess and put them down to stop and read the flyer. You didn't take at have with with the number on it but you know in a perfect world. Maybe he has a really good memory. And i will get the best message that i'll ever received tonight. Hi we got your number from the voicemail. And what a voicemail. I think it's just a bunch of teens who founded just say. hi one of them. That's like trying to call. And like maybe. He's a bit nervous to do it and they have another. Who's just making jokes and yelling in the background. And on that big mommy motors and the other team was like probably about that Probably really cool person and we'd like to get out of you. Thank you thank you. That was the only voicemail that nikki caught the rest are all text messages. The conversations usually fall into one of two camps. Most people respond really genuinely they give their real names. They tell nikki about real things going on and they ask a normal niceties. How's your week. Have you been an like the other thirty percent or like we met under the ocean in costa rica unlike cool. Yeah loved the sharks. You know and i'll meet them there and that's fun and that meeting them there. That sort of theater of humanity. That more than anything else turns out to be the thing that nikki was missing so the first message i got. I got with an hour of hanging these flyers up and it's definitely one of the most powerful gotten. This is a this is a dear friends. Thank you for texting me. I wasn't sure if we manage to get in contact again at feels like forever since we met that crawfish eating contest even though it was this morning. Do you remember you. One hundred thirty crawfish. Which expert said was medically impossible. I zero because i don't like selfish. I knew we would be fascinating. I apologize for not using your name as you recall. We exchanged on the codenames me. Steve you big steve. Regardless i hope this finds you well please. Listen to paul simon's gracelands warm regards quote steve and quote and i was like oh my god what. What a powerful message like an hour into this thing. What nikki like so much about steve is that they're taking the call from the flyer and just reading with it. Improvising fantasy scenarios that match nikki's energy and they go back and forth as these characters for weeks. Dearest biggest steve they write to together they build a fake history teaching each other for the next imaginary thing to answer your question yes. I've made many friends from events that were cancelled because of covid a little over twenty so far but braided in there are real questions. You would ask your friends. How is your sleep been. How's that project you were telling me about. I'm happy to hear that you've made the acquaintance of so many people in these difficult times. If you're referring to the work project. I'm always complaining. About sorry progresses tentatively steady honestly creative energies have been influx. This year. I feel pretty optimistic about the new idea for manuscript are still planning that trip when things calm down stevenson. Lovely so lovely steve. Thank you and like genuine interaction. Always wins out. Always sure if you want to call this genuine interaction. Nikki and steve's ability to blend the make believe and the real it just throws me off. Maybe because i myself i'm always a little too ernest. I'm a bad liar. And that makes me a bad actor and keeping up this fake reality with steve or anyone else. It just seems taxing. Like if i was doing this like Serious inquiries only you would send your friendship contracts to them. After a couple of weeks ask for a couple of references for pass friendships. It's almost as if you are like telling someone you have a crush on them. Always reserving the ability to be like just kidding hearing stinga. You're always ready to be like playing or like. Oh you're really here for this. Like i will show up. Cut in funny is if i ever was confessing crush on someone i would definitely always have in my back pocket. Be like and got ya brow. What if right you know. I do kind of hope. If i ever meet steve and they see that. I'm actually just some frigging bouncy kid gloves. Just send smiley faces and goof with people. What if they're like fifty in there like who is this like i don't know and that's to say jenny. Hate me. historically low test doing testing okay. Hello gummy that worked. Okay three weeks after that. First message from steve. Nikki's inbox was swamped with messages. From new people sixties took three for sixty four. Oh my god. Nikki sets aside an hour issue every day to respond to this growing cast of characters one person imagines at the two of them at a strip club another person only texts and cat photos and another person. There i messages. Were like How have you been. I miss your hair touching it. You can't touch things now. Wow out the back talking about touching my hair. Love it when people would touch my hair. Do you wanna give me a little intro Yeah my name is deena. Deena was the one sending. Those flirtatious tek. Sterilized were very similar. In the way we interact with people who love attention. We love being flirty when it's not the pandemic dina is a server and just like nikki. She has a job that's been on hold and can't be done from home. She answered the flyer because she could already imagine the person on the other end being her friend and also there was like no risk. Either you know. Because if i had met someone from real life any time i meet someone new in real life right now it just feels like a risk and i just constantly think about it so yeah it just felt very natural. It was like these little moments when we would be texting where i felt like. We're not stuck in the middle of this terrible terrible thing that's happening to all of us Nothing is forever steve. The one who met nikki at the crawfish eating contest stopped texting five weeks and nikki after connecting with almost one hundred people is betty for something else I didn't hang up new flyers this weekend. I'd say fifty percents on purpose one. I was lazy but to I have like eight conversations right now. I can't again not actively going. But like i can't keep on doing this forever. There's no contact for these friendships. That's never what it was about for. Nikki it was about mimicking those little things. The kind of play with strangers. That can make your day a flirtation at the coffee shop or a joke exchanged in an elevator. The problem right now is that we're living in a world. Were laughing out. Loud can actively spread the virus and nikki was able to find a way to do it safely. i will say The yes there are people that i felt like i have like the energy is really good. You know as the kids say were having I'm definitely with certain people better than others. But what i think is appropriate to say. Is that if you're listening and we talked you. Were the person that i've arrived the best with its you. I can't wait to continue talking to you. That was nikki crawford in chicago brought to us by our reporter ginny koss so those are two submissions for the twenty. Twenty time capsule that. Wnyc is making. And now i really urge you to submit your reflections on twenty twenty as well. Here's how it works. Go to wnyc dot org slash time capsule. You're gonna find a couple of things there. I there's a link to where you can submit what ever you want to memorialize. The idea is that this is our first draft of the history of this remarkable year. So what do you want included. Click the link and record second. You'll find some of the stuff that wnyc has already put into the time capsule so some of our own reporting and some of your phone calls. We'll take this and all of your submissions and put them on a hard drive and store them on top of the empire. State building right next to our broadcast transmitter. Up there and we'll open it again. Twenty thirty to see what are twenty. Twenty cells had to say about this year and as we conclude twenty twenty. I wanna finish by thanking you. First off all of you. And all the people who work on this show for helping me make it a meaningful space and let me name some names sir. Each week kevin bristowe matthew. Miranda jared paul do all of the engineering magic to make both the show and the podcast possible additional engineering this week from joep lord. Our theme music is written by heinous brown and performed by the outer borough brass band. And while it's my voice. You hear each sunday. When you tune in there are a bunch of producers and reporters and editors who each week are helping to figure out who i should interview at what i should ask them and also out reporting and making the stories that you hear those people include caroline adams emily boutin g koss marianne mccune christopher worth and berlin williams they also include karen foam who is our executive producer. And who has really been my personal mentor in making radio so a special thanks to her special. Thanks also to wnyc's program director jacqueline cincotta and the head of live radio. Megan ryan fading us to join all of you in this time. Slot each week and finally of course special. Thanks to all of you for spending this time with us. The show is ultimately community. A community of people who said wanna share joy and work of living in a plural society. So thank you for being part of it all right. I'll talk with you in the new year.

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