35 Burst results for "Illness"
The Charlie Kirk Show
Dr. Daniel Amen Shares His Philosophy on Brain Health
"Introduce your general philosophy, what is brain health and how does that contrast with people labeling it as mental health? So about 32 years ago, I started looking at the brain with brain imaging study called SPECT and spec looks at blood flow and activity it looks at how the brain works. And very early on, I learned that most psychiatric problems are not mental health issues at all. But rather, they are brain health issues that steal people's minds and this one idea changes everything. Get your brain right and your mind will follow. Nobody wants a mental illness. I have to tell you when I told my dad in 1979, I wanted to be a psychiatrist. He asked me why I didn't want to be a real doctor. Why I wanted to be a nut doctor and hang out with nuts all day long. Now, my dad would not get father of the year award. But he reflected what society thinks about people who struggle with their mind. Nobody wants a mental health issue. But everybody wants a better brain. And I have argued for decades. Well, what if mental health was really brain health, then everybody would want it, plus it's your brain, the physical functioning of your brain, that creates your mind. So if your brain's not healthy, you have post COVID. You have a head trauma. You have Lyme disease. You have mold in your home to your brain's not healthy. It's really hard for you to think right.
The Dinesh D'Souza Podcast
Masks Make 'Little Or No Difference'
"You might recall a couple of weeks ago I talked about this Cochrane review Cochrane is a journal that and an institution that puts out medical research, medical studies, and the Cochrane review was done by a whole bunch of prominent researchers. Including a fellow the lead author was a man named Tom Jefferson, and it was about the efficacy of quote physical interventions, but there will focus, of course, was face masks. And it was on the effectiveness of these face masks in stopping the transmission of COVID. And the review concludes that wearing masks probably makes little or no difference to COVID or influenza or similar illness transmissions. And here's Tom Jefferson, the lead author quote, there is just no evidence that they, meaning masks, make any difference full stop end quote. Now, this was, well, fighting words. And fighting words, especially because it comes from a team of researchers putting out based on an extensive examination of data and published in a medical journal and a medical library that is considered authoritative. And so it produces no surprise a kind of freak out on the left and specifically at The New York Times where a columnist named zeynep tufekci. Now you might think Zayn had to affect you. Is this some kind of a prominent research? No, this individual has no experience, but it's basically a ranter. And zeynep tufekci attacks Tom Jefferson. In fact, doesn't attack the other researchers, kind of singles out this guy because he's the guy who is responsible for the incriminating quote, the quote is there's just no evidence that the masks make any difference full stop. Boom.
Dennis Prager Podcasts
The Mental Health of Liberal Girls
"There is a piece in the free press and it is written by John haidt, whom I believe is same as Jonathan haidt. But no, it actually might be a son. I don't know it's an interesting question because he refers to Jonathan Knight. Who is highly regarded one of the few writers in the United States who's highly regarded by both the right and the left. It's almost incredible. I'm happy for him. I'm happy period that that exists. And he has a piece or at least John height has the peace. Why the mental health of liberal girls sank first and fastest? We are a decade into the largest epidemic of adolescent mental illness ever recorded. It's time we started treating social media like automobiles and firearms. They blame it on the social media. But if it's on the social media, why do girls why are they more mentally ill the farther left you go? So of course there is an answer and that is something I have raised so many years. With you, and that is to do the disturbed gravitate to the left or it is the left make you disturbed and likewise morally do the morally confused and being gentle. Gravitate to the left or does the left make you morally confused? And the answer is all four.
AP News Radio
EPA Proposes Limits for 'Forever Chemicals' in Drinking Water
"The Environmental Protection Agency's proposing limits on toxic forever chemicals and drinking water. I Norman hall, the EPA proposal calls for the first federal limits on harmful forever chemicals in drinking water. The agency says the protection will save thousands of lives and prevent serious illnesses, including cancer. The plan with limit toxic per and polyfluorinated substances called pfas, the group of compounds or widespread and dangerous and expensive to remove from water. They don't degrade in the environment and are linked to a broad range of health issues including low birth weight and kidney cancer.
Dennis Prager Podcasts
Transgender Woman Demi Minor Impregnates Two Inmates at NJ Prison
"On my show yesterday we covered a story out of New Jersey, where two female inmates were impregnated by a transgender inmate by the name of Demi minor. After that inmate was moved into the female facility in New Jersey. It was as simple as saying I identify as female and they were transferred over to a female facility where later, two female inmates were impregnated. Can we think about how that can go wrong in more ways than just that? Now not only do you have two pregnant inmates in a New Jersey prison, but you also have two children that are going to be born into the world and under what circumstance. The circumstance of both of their biological parents being incarcerated, I'm sure these kids are going to be thrust straight into the foster system, and we all know what the outcomes look like for those children and how what the odds are for them being abused or even perpetrating abuse for them not graduating high school for them never seeing the inside of a college for them seeing the inside of a jail, developing chronic illnesses, being homeless, the likelihood is far higher when you are born under circumstances like this. But who cares, right? Because we want to validate and affirm people who are living in a delusion. And it's a dilution that should be taken seriously. Don't get me wrong. These people should seek proper treatment, but the proper treatment is not to morph the reality of other individuals living in the society and leave them to be victimized by your ideology and your dogma, and
The Officer Tatum Show
The Mental Illness of Leftism
"All right, let me talk about scamming Sanders. You know, these leftists, they are mentally ill or evil. They fall in one of those categories. Some of them the reason that they talking to act the way they do because they have a mental disability. If you're a type of person that struggles with cognitive dissonance and you can't even perceive reality and you don't even have truth rooted in your arguments and you can't even balance your perspective and agree to disagree with people, you have no basis for your arguments. All you do is operate in an emotion. That is a mental illness. There are some people that had what we call Trump derangement syndrome. People should have been diagnosed and treated for Trump derangement syndrome. And now this woke ology won't derangement syndrome or whatever you want to call it. These people are struggling with a mental illness. I really believe it's a mental illness. They can not, for the life of them, perceive how capitalism is a good thing. Although they flourish in capitalism, they can not understand how this country can be so racist. Although this is the greatest country on Planet Earth, and they know they just making this stuff up.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Sexual fantasies most powerful to you. Lesbian fantasies with older women. I could never be a lesbian. I hate females and pussy is an acquired taste. I think that should be a T-shirt. Pussy is an acquired taste. What I find you think would like to say to someone you haven't been able to, I say what I feel and think, but I guess I would like to thank my mom who has passed away. Thank her for trying to be a mom. What if anything do you wish for happiness? Have you shared these things with others? Yes. How do you feel after writing these things down? Fantastic. How do you think you'd like to share with someone who shares your thoughts or experiences? Tell my sister, I love her and want her clean and sober. Thank you for that. Very, very heartfelt. And detailed. I love a good detailed survey. All right, I was going to read more surveys, but I think my windpipe is starting to get annoying. And probably has already chased away our Friends with misophonia. So I am going to wrap it up with some loves, and this is filled out by somebody who calls themself terrible with names, but never forget a face. And they write, I love moss. I love touching it and imagining a tiny bug using it as a pillow. I love when my cat would come running would come running to me, calling him in my older neighbor, poked over the fence and said, he really is your cat isn't he. I'm not sure I read that, right? I love when my cat would come, oh, she's talking about the past tense, would come running to me calling him, and my older neighbor poked over the fence. I might have to cast you to hell for the grammar on that. I hate to do that in the middle of a law of, but rules are rules. And get into the vehicle and enjoy your trip. I love laying flowers out for loved ones that have passed pets included and talking to them like they are here. It's so funny I do that whenever Herbert's picture are any of my past dogs, pictures come up on a digital frame that I have. When you talk to them, it feels like it feels like part of them is still there. I love when I get a good idea and I feel less worried that my brain is slowing down and like I'll be okay after all. I love thrifting. I love big sweaters and fall. I love when my kids hugged me unexpectedly or say they love me before bed. I love when my partner squeezes me unexpectedly in bed just to say I love you. I love tiny bugs, especially roly polies and how they roll into a protective ball when they are frightened, but will slowly unfurl in your hand. I love releasing bugs back to the outside when they come in my house, even spiders. I love waiting at strangers while I drive that are in the same car as me. I get a chuckle at the momentary confusion and the thought that life is fucking ridiculous. I love the first dab of paint I put on the canvas. And finally, I love the moon. It gives me such a sense of calm looking up at it. I feel connected to it in some way, and I like to think of all the people living in otherwise who ever looked up at the moon, too. Thank you, Paul and also fuck off if you don't like this survey. I loved your survey. It was awesome. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. And I hope my throat wasn't too annoying. Oh God, I have the feeling that thing that I was battling for two weeks is back now. It's bad enough going to the doctor, but going back to the doctor for the same thing. And I'm afraid I might be having to do that for my shoulder because my shoulders healing very, very slow. All right, this isn't a fucking doctor's appointment ball. Wrap this thing up and let the people be on their way. If you're out there, do you feel it stuck? I just want you to know, I don't know who this guy is, but I hope you're a big fan of it. Sounds a little bit like me and DJ voice the BDJ boys are down here, man. He'll tell you to fuck off 'cause he doesn't like nothing about you. I'm rocking the quads. But this guy this guy's a little more mellow. I think this guy might be high. That's right, this guy spoke at a big bone loose. He's doing tabs. Oh my God, what is the matter with me? Now I sound like Mitch hedberg. All right, I'm gonna wrap this thing up. If you are out there and you are feeling stuck, you are not alone. Never forget that you are not alone, and nothing destroys the quality of our life like obsessing about the quality of our lives. And thanks for listening. And that was fun. Everybody I know is bizarrely beautiful. Everybody I know is bizarrely beautifully fucked up in some weird way.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Like that's the signal of like, oh, this is gonna be a real uphill battle of a relationship versus a partner who can say, okay, understand that that's not, this is not about me, you know, not everything is in relation to you. That's the good news and the bad news. Exactly. And so that's why I think really filling in your partner about what's going on with you, how these things manifest for you, you know, maybe why certain things like orgasm is a part of your repertoire, you know, and being able to say like, I get why you would take this personally, but you really shouldn't. And then picking people who have the ability not to take that personally. When we express our needs and our feelings to somebody in a way that, you know, that isn't aggressive, we give them the opportunity to reveal their character. That's a really great point. And it's something in the chapter about sharing your mental health with the potential partner. I really say like, in those moments of disclosure, we tend to be so focused on what the other person is going to think of the information we're giving. But it's actually a moment that is really revealing of the other person's character and understanding and ability for empathy and so when you share stuff and the other person either doesn't care or doesn't try to change it. Tries to change you doesn't get it. You know, like, it's not necessarily like, oh, this means that they're not gonna like me. In those moments, you're very tired, you're like, I don't like them. How dare they? I open up, I'm vulnerable. I share this thing and they don't even have the decency or capacity to sit with it and hold space for it. I don't need to live a life like that. I deserve a partner who can hold space for me and who can ask curious questions without judgment and really listen. And that's, I think, a really big signal for people with mental health, you know, extensive mental health histories to pay attention to when they're starting to date and looking for a partner. And at least try, you know, if when we do open up it's met with a less than ideal response from them, it could be coming from a place of ignorance and they're willing to learn and so I think being willing to say, you know, I know you love me. I know you care about me right now. It would be awesome if you I just need somebody to listen and to be there for me and that gives them the opportunity for them to see, oh, they do take this in. They are a willing to learn, but that certainly a big red flag if they, if they don't take that in. And everyone has a different relationship and knowledge around mental health, right? So if you're a partner, someone who's never been to therapy, grew up in a family that never talked about mental health, you know, that first time you share something, they might be kind of confused and have some questions. And I think we also need to allow space for people to have questions and to have concern. You know, like people don't need to have a perfect response and people, if somebody says, you know, I have a history of a brilliant intense suicidal ideation. I don't think it's necessarily realistic for your date to go, oh great, you know? There's going to be concern there. And I think really allowing for a conversation of, okay, and what does that mean? What will that mean in my life and how to be your partner? And sometimes it can be really beneficial to either provide them with psychoeducation resources. We're sort of like, hey, this is a book that I think would maybe help you understand me better, or even if you're in therapy, letting them come into a session, letting them talk to your therapist, you know, I think even letting them talk to your therapist alone to sort of ask the questions that maybe they're afraid to ask in front of you. Allowing them to have a process and their own feelings about things too. And then that's the situation where you can't take it personally. You know. Love it. Love it. Such wisdom. Do you have anything else you'd like to share before we wrap up? No, I don't think so. I'm just so glad we're having more of these kinds of open conversations about all of this. Oh, and plug your podcast. What's the name of your podcast? Yeah, so my podcast is called just between us, it's a weekly show where we talk a lot about mental health and then I also have a mental health focused substack and Instagram account called emotional support lady if you want to check out any more of my work. And what are some of the social media handles? I've got at Allison Raskin at emotional support lady and those are the two main ones. Awesome. Well, kudos on all the work that you're doing. You're helping a lot of people and I love chatting with you. Oh, thank you so much for having me. Many, many thanks to Allison. I just love when a stranger walks through the door in an hour later you've had this amazing conversation with them when you know about important things in their lives and struggles that they've handled, it's just, I don't know, it's one of the parts I love about being alive. Let's dive into some surveys. This is an awful moment felt out by a non binary person who refers to themself as sad and euphoric. And they write for context, I'm a trans masculine, non binary person who most people see as a woman, but I don't identify as one and my family didn't know about this at the time. During our last Christmas with my grandmother, her dementia was already really bad and she wondered out loud who the young man was referring to me. It made me feel really euphoric. While I also realized that my grandmother had pretty much forgotten who I was and was never going to recognize me again. I remember how the moment made me smile while my heart sank to my stomach. That is, boy, you talk about bittersweet holy shit. This is from the shaman secret survey. And this is filled out by a guy who calls himself autism dad. He identifies as straight. He's in his 30s. He was raised in a he says a pretty dysfunctional environment. He says that he's never been sexually abused, but he has been physically and emotionally abused. Systematic physical abuse from my father and older brother, constant shaming from my younger brother and emotional abuse abandonment and emotional is incest from my mother. This led me to a full breakdown resulting in lifelong anxiety, depression, social isolation, and suicidal fantasies, not that I'd act on the latter.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"That's usually a red flag that the black and white thinking and the catastrophizing is coming up. That's been one of the biggest changes in my entire life and every aspect of it is allowing for nuance and getting more comfortable in the gray area. And even being able to say, I don't know how I feel about this. I think when I was 21, the idea that I wouldn't know how I felt about something was so foreign, right? I had to have a strong opinion about everything. And now I'll be like, I don't know. You know? And being able to say, I don't know, is so free. So free and so much less annoying to people around us. Oh my God, using the fear of not knowing it can drive so many people away from us. We have no idea how exhausting it is to hear somebody weigh in on everything as if they are the world's expert. And also allowing for the fact that if life is uncertain, I don't need to be certain about things, right? Like it's not serving me to feel like I have to be coming from a place of certainty when that doesn't really even exist. And I also think that pause allows an opportunity for help to come to us. Whether we need it or not, it opens the door for connection and for other people to love us. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to let other people love us. Being comfortable allowing help is transformative. I mean, after my broke get engagement, letting people care for me and letting my Friends step up and do things in the past, I would have felt uncomfortable asking of them. It builds bonds when somebody asks you for a favor, you then feel tied to them. It is a wonderful thing when you're able to to be able to help someone, and it builds connection, it builds intimacy and I think we live in this at least in America. There's this very big idea of that independence is a sign of strength. But I really like to live a life of interdependence, which is basically the idea that you are comfortable depending on other people, but you still also are able to live your own life and your decisions are not just based on other people. You know, it's sort of this middle ground between codependence and independence. And I really love and gravitate towards that. I think it is a brave thing to depend on another person and to trust that they will show up for you. And yeah, sometimes people disappoint you, but in my experience, I would much rather take the risk of being disappointed than live a life where I don't trust or depend on anybody. Agree a 1000%. One of the chapters in your book is what sex got to do with it. Yeah, so this was a chapter that was really hard for me to write. I've been on the Internet and writing and sharing about my life for a really long time, but this is an area I've never felt comfortable talking about publicly, but when I was writing the book, I knew I had to because how can I write a book about relationships and not sort of bring that part into it? And I think something people don't talk about enough is just like, it doesn't make any sense that you can have an anxiety in every aspect of your life and then suddenly in the bedroom it wouldn't exist or it would and interfere wouldn't play a role. So I just really wanted to speak to that and also kind of hopefully give some tools for how to talk about it with a partner, how to remove your self blame and to also just kind of like normalize that not everyone has the most easy a to B relationship with sex and that for some of us like it is more challenging and it can look different and medication can also have a big impact and just sort of like allow for that discussion. Being. Comfortable or at least getting to the place where you feel comfortable saying I'm not in the mood, it's a really scary place for some people because we feel like, oh, I'm not meeting my partners every need, they're going to think I'm not attracted to them and if there have been times in my life whether it's medication or depression where I have said that and is scary as it was not only was it beneficial to me, but I feel like it was beneficial to them because I let them know I'm still interested in being affectionate just not sexually right now and some people never do that. They go through the motions and it kind of breaks my heart that they're not taking care of themselves. You're nodding affirmatively talk about that. So one of my intentions for the book was not just for it to be helpful for the people with these disorders, but to also be helpful to partners. And I think that we have this idea that you alluded to that if somebody isn't wanting to engage sexually with you, then there's something fundamentally wrong with your relationship or your connection or it's a rejection of you and one of the big premises is like it is really important for your partner not to take things so personally and for your partner to sort of understand where you are coming from and if you're someone who struggles with depression and that leads to a low sex drive, it's gonna be really tricky to have a partner who gets mad at you every time you're not in the mood, right?
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Proud of myself all the time about it. It should be. I have this image of, you know, he left in November of 2020. And so this is pre vaccines. There's such tragic scenes of my friends trying to comfort me, but not being able to touch me or come into my apartment. It was like the added thing of being in a pandemic and I decided obviously that I wanted to fly back home to New York to grieve with my family and so a few days after he left, I was standing at LAX wearing a mask with my dog and I went, it's really amazing I got myself here. Like it's really amazing that I did what I needed to do to like even just like pack my suitcase and like get a cab and get my dog together and just be able to get myself home so that other people could care for me. It was like a real moment I like I was so heartbroken, but I also took the time to be like good job. It is pretty amazing. There's a chapter in your book that I think is such an important topic. What's me and what my disorder? Yes. So there's a lot of kind of, there's a lot of different takes on this I think in the mental health community, I know for some people with certain things, they will say like I am autistic, they will identify with the neurodivergent scene in some way. But for me, and again, this is so personal, I really value the language that's separates me from my disorders. So I'm not OCD. I have OCD. And even just like the way that we use words and we talk about things, I think, really impacts the way we view ourselves in the world. And so for me to sort of like, it's kind of like a narrative therapy technique of see these things outside of myself. And to me in my head, my real self exists and then on top of those things where my OCD and my anxiety and being able to figure out that it's not that like I'm such an uptight controlling person, I'm actually like a pretty easygoing person who has some mental illness. All right. That kid sort of like blur my personality. And really being able to focus on that and recognize what that who I really am and get in touch with who I really am and what I value and then like, okay, I also deal with these symptoms makes me have a very different self image than when I used to view myself as someone who was just so uptight and hard to deal with. And I think if we don't become proactive about saying, how can I develop tools to make sure I'm doing the best I can to live with a disorder or whatever it is that we're battling not only do we owe it to ourselves, we owe it to the people around us that we love to do what we can to see that we're bringing our best self rather than saying, well, you know, I didn't call you about not coming to your wedding because I was depressed. Now he probably could have picked a phone call up and the phone up in at least said, hey, I'm really fucking depressed. I can't make it. I'm sorry. It's interesting because, you know, a lot of the changes I did for myself, you then see how they impact your relationships. So one of the big ones was like emotional regulation, like I used to just not be able to regulate my emotions and that meant that every day I did not know how I was going to react to things. I didn't know what would set me off. I didn't know what would make me be like, eh, whatever. I kind of lived in fear of my own volatility. And so did everybody else. You know, and so then when I got a better handle on that, suddenly people don't need to walk on eggshells around me anymore. It's easier for people to bring up stuff to me because I'm not going to have a huge reaction to it. And it's kind of this dual thing that is both helping your internal world, but also is really helping you in relation to others. What were some of the ways if you're comfortable sharing them that you did act with volatility? I used to just like get really mad at my parents and I would hang up on them. But I would never do that now. Now, sometimes things will happen and they'll say something I disagree with or they say something unintentionally, that hurts my feelings. And I just the way that I react is different. To me, emotional regulation doesn't mean that you don't have emotion. It means that you're in control of when you deal with and process that emotion into what intensity. So there are times where in the past I would maybe freak out in the moment about something or outwardly frequently. Yeah, like, you know, get really mad or not be able, you know, to not be able to remain like now I can kind of, I get to decide how I want to react. It's really just allowing for a pause. It's allowing yourself to have a response instead of a reaction. And did that involve incorporating self soothing behaviors? Absolutely. Self soothing is huge. Talk about that. I think when I was younger, it was like always looking for other people to calm me down or for other things to calm me down or for this circumstances in my life to change so that I could feel better. But being able to just say to myself like you're okay, for example, this is kind of silly, but I wear contacts and I have a real fear that I won't be able to get my contacts out of my eyes. I think it's probably because I keep having this recurring dream that I'm like wearing all these contacts like who knows someone some analysts would have a field day with it but like the other night or a few months ago. I was really struggling to get my contact out of my eye and I could feel my body get tense and in the past I think I would have really freaked out. I would have said I'm never gonna get my contact out. I would have spun out, I would have gotten really emotional and maybe would have cried like I would have just like ruined my night. But instead being able to say to myself, okay, let's not tense up our shoulders. I mean so much of our how we feel kind of has to do with our body, right? So not allowing my body to get super tense. Being able to take some deep breaths, say, every other night of your entire life, you have been able to get your contacts out. So the evidence suggests that you will probably be able to get them out tonight. And if you start to freak out, it'll probably be harder to get them out. So why don't we just take a breath, take some time, there's no pressure here for how quickly you have to get them out, and then we'll get your content. Is there anything that a pause in a deep breath can't help with? Right? It's so simple. It's there all the time, and yet so often we plow through it. And one of the things that my psychiatrist said that really helped me is the imagery of a stop sign in your brain of like when you realize that you're going down a path of thought that is not going to be helpful to you to really just imagine a stop sign. So just in that example of like I'll never get my contacts out just like stop you're not like that's not a helpful thought process to go down and that was a game changer for me. And another stop sign is if I find myself using the word always or never.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"I'm someone who makes mistakes and, oh, I made a mistake and what I try to really focus on is like, how do I not make that the same mistake again? Like if I'm making the same mistake over and over again, then I think there's, it's right to hold yourself accountable and to really sit down with that and be like, what's going on here? I should take some responsibility. But if you make a mistake and then you learn from it, you have takeaways, you know why you don't want to do it again, then that's just part of being alive. It is such a difference between making a note to self and just ruminating with self hatred. Yeah. Big time. Because the ruminating doesn't solve the problem, the note's itself means you'll change in the future. One of the chapters in your book and the name of your book is overthinking about you, navigating romantic relationships when you have anxiety OCD and or depression. And one of the chapters is how can I handle breakups better? Yes, so I think that especially for people with anxiety, I mean, all people breakups are horrible, right? It is, it is both a rejection and it also a huge loss. And I actually, my ex fiance walked out on me while I was writing this book and I really did not see coming. It was very sudden and traumatic. And I really had to use a lot of what I had just been studying and researching about and writing about to apply to my own life to the biggest breakup of my life. And what was really interesting was in the past breakups had brought me to the brink, right? Like I had a breakup in 2017 where my mom had to fly out to make sure I didn't harm myself. And I had really made me not want to live and I had really beaten myself up about these breakups and I had jumped to hopelessness and despair and all of these things and what was so different from my broken engagement versus earlier breakups, which objectively were not as life shattering, like this was a person I was planning to marry, had lived with. Had the rub, the rug ripped out from under me, but the things I really noticed that helped me was focusing on the grief instead of the rejection. So the grief is real, right? You're losing a person that you talk to every day, you're losing your best friend. You're also losing the future you've been planning on, right? Like I thought I was going to finally be married, which was always a real priority for me. All of that, I was losing his family, his friends, so many, so much loss and loss needs to be processed and acknowledged, but what you don't need to do is sit in the rejection and add meaning to the rejection and say, well, because this person rejected me, that means I'm a piece of shit or I'm unlovable or no one will ever care about me and I didn't really let myself go there and I really focused on also like I spoke to before just really sitting in the reality of the situation of, okay, he left, not letting myself go through the what ifs because what if thoughts are really damaging and especially for an anxious mind, they're like pretty addictive and it could have been like, well, what if I had picked up on his him falling out of love with me sooner or what if I had said this then or what if I had done that and it's like, you know, you're trying to solve a problem that can't be solved because the thing already happened and so instead of just like really focusing on what I could have done or I think focusing on what he was feeling now, I just focused on myself. Like I was like I have to get myself through this. I can't be preoccupied with but what is he thinking? The why must be so just like catnip? I mean the only explanation I got was something is missing and I mean that is really rough, right? Because your brain wants to figure out that something. And it's a really easy to fill that gap in with all the things you don't like about yourself. Very easy to go to, I'm not enough. I'm not enough. I'm not attractive enough, my OCD pushed him away. I don't know how to cook. Like all the insecurities I had about myself, I could really have filled in, but what good does that do? Because I will never get an acknowledgment that that was true. You will never say, yep, it was that thing. I'll never know. So all I'm doing in the process is just unnecessarily beating myself up. And then when you beat yourself up following a breakup, you're not only having to heal your heart, you're like having to heal your whole sense of self. And so really separating my sense of self from my heartache allowed me to move on and to not be changed for the worse after something so traumatic. That's pretty emotionally wise path for somebody to go down, especially with an anxious brain. I mean, do you ever look back and just say to yourself, you're a fucking badass that you got through this and you broke the right tools out to deal with this no matter what you were feeling.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Or they can't, they can't do the things that they normally do in their life. I've never had that version of it. For me, I was always able to get my work done in my school work done. Do what needed to be done on my end. It was more that while I was doing it, I did not want to be alive, right? So it was like, it was all, I didn't really have the physical manifestations and symptoms that a lot of people have. But it was just like this sense of no pleasure in taking part in things really just like wanting to be dead. Hopelessness, you know, those sort of things. And then also just having also just generalized anxiety disorder where on top of the OCD of it all, there's just like a lot of anxiety around anticipation. I have a lot of anticipation. Yes. But just like I'm just worrying about stuff all the time. And I think, you know, I worry a lot less. A lot of ways I've gotten such a much better handle on my anxiety and my depression at this stage of my life. You know, at 33 on medication and after years and years of therapy, where it's like the OCD of it all still remains like a real struggle. But as an example, I also have a lot of food aversion. I have like a lot of fears around food and I don't like a lot of things and I dread eating a lot of stuff and my partner and I get HelloFresh and so we had like a meal from HelloFresh yesterday that he was going to cook and all day long. I was so worried about this meal. I was like, I'm gonna hate this meal. It's gonna be such a struggle to eat. Normally dinner is like a wonderful time for me where I get to relax, you know, I love food, like I get to enjoy that at the end of the day when we watch TV, like it's a real comfort time, but this time it's gonna be terrible because I'm gonna hate this food. I really like work myself into a tizzy. And then I take one bite of it. I'm like, oh, this is wonderful. You know. So are there specific repulsions around food or is it just generally that it's not going to be enjoyable? I just have a really hard time. I'm a vegetarian, but I don't really like vegetables. And that makes life tricky. And so I just have a lot. I have a lot of comfort foods. Like, you know, like I know that I like certain things and so then I will repeat them a lot and I think this is something a lot of people can kind of relate to and so trying a new thing that is that was like, what was it? It was like cauliflower like Baja tacos. I don't know. I don't know why I just became so terrified of it. Like another time I became so terrified because we were having like shepherd's pie with mushrooms and sometimes I don't like mushrooms so I convinced myself that it was gonna be like so overwhelmingly the taste of strong mushrooms and I was like dreading it all you know he's just so much wasted energy and emotion around like dinner. And how much of this do you share with your partner? Oh, all of it. He knows. And he just he's great because at this point he goes, he doesn't care. Like he doesn't. He doesn't try to change you. Doesn't try to doesn't try to alleviate that anxiety doesn't change but we're eating because in his head he knows I'm gonna like it. So he knows that I'm just like having a little freak out and like it's not his problem to deal with, which I think is really important. Super important. To not take on your partners shit in a lot of ways. Like obviously sometimes you need to, but most of the time you don't. And he just went, okay, well, you're gonna try it. And then I took a bite, and I was like, I love this and he was like, yes, of course. And this is always been the case in your relationship with him or was it difficult and was there a misunderstanding in the beginning? I think it's always been a pretty good dynamic. You know, sometimes you need to show people that you can take care of yourself, right? So it's allowing them to see, oh, I do deal with all of this stuff, but I can, I'm managing it. And this isn't your job to. Which is sort of like a really big theme in my most recent book about dating with mental illness. It's like, you're the primary caregiver of yourself. Like you are supposed to step in and help yourself and then your partner is sort of a secondary helper who can help out as needed or, you know, and again, this is not when someone is in crisis. This is not when someone is in psychosis, like there's elements of mental health where you need external support and help, but when that's not the case and it's more just day to day stuff and then like, yeah, like it's your responsibility. And I think sometimes when people go into relationships with someone who has a mental illness, it can feel like, okay, well, I'm about to get a lot of work, right? I'm about my life's about to have like a more workload. And being able to say to that person, yeah, sometimes I will need your support, but my mental health is my priority and my responsibility in a way. Have there ever been times where your partner has had to set a boundary or express a need that involves you taking responsibility for the things that you can around your mental illness. Definitely, I want to clean his stuff all the time and sometimes I'm not allowed to. He made me get electronic wipes for his computer and phone because I wanted to just use Clorox wipes and he finds those to be damaging even though I use them all the time and I don't think they are. You know, so that was like a compromise. I definitely don't clean his stuff as much as I clean my stuff because I know he doesn't want me to. He has like a, I find airplanes to be unbelievably contaminated and so my OC comes out the worst on travel days and I really wanted him to get a bag for the airplane that was washable, but he didn't want to do that and so what we do now is that his bag's not washable but when we get home, he sprays it with Clorox or lysol or whatever and is that make me super happy? No, but it's like a compromise. And so yeah, I mean, it's not like, oh, if your partner has contamination OCD it won't affect your life. It definitely affects his life, but I think he is good at saying like when it is too much or when it is, you know, and also on me to pick up on when am I asking for too much when am I pushing too much? Do you find that having to have these conversations with your partner takes your relationship to another level because of the, you know, it's kind of a gym for your emotions and your communication skills. Don't let me put words in your mind. But have you found it to be different than the depth of relationships where maybe ideally it wasn't handled well by either you were a partner. I think the amount of work that I have done on myself because I've been sick has made me a better partner. So yes, there are annoyances that come with me having contamination OCD, but also I really know how to articulate myself. I know how to articulate my feelings. I know how to be empathetic towards him. I know how to look at things more nuanced. I know how to not take things so personally. I've built up my self esteem, you know, like all this kind of work that I did. I think allowed us to have the type of mature and communicative relationship that like I couldn't have when I was 25. And where did you learn most of those things? It was a journey, you know, I think some of its age, like I really do think that your brain sort of changes and it's harder to have kind of self control when you're younger and a lot of ways and then going back on medication when I was like 27 or 28 changed a lot for me that really let me apply all of the things that I had been learning in therapy
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Who knows who? But I don't have any memories of those types of compulsions. But I have a lot of, I still have a lot of cleaning compulsions. Are the urges still there for the, you know, the movement compulsions that you used to express no. I have a lot of sensory problems, so the way that I dress is very much shaped by my sensory issues. And so I can't wear a lot of clothes that I would wear if I didn't have sex reissues, you know, I would I haven't worn real pants and years. I only wear things that are really comfortable on my body because if anything is irritating me, it seems from observation that other people can kind of block that out, right? Like a lot of people wear heels and they just, their feet are in pain and it's not that big of a deal or they're wearing tight jeans and yeah it's uncomfortable but it doesn't take over their entire mind whereas like I really can't do those things or I just become so worried and obsessed about being uncomfortable that I've just sort of created a wardrobe that isn't. And yeah and just like fears of loud noises, bright lights like a lot of like sensory overlap with those CD as well. This is not me trying to pathologize is just thought popped into my head that those are also some of the traits shared with people who are on the spectrum is that something that has ever come up in conversations with your healthcare providers or a lot of people on the Internet have said that to me. And this is me more curious. Here's what's up with you, Allison. No, I get it. By far not the first person to suggest that I have some autistic tendencies. But I don't think that that's the right diagnosis for me. I think that there's a lot of comorbidity with different disorders. I also think so many things are on a spectrum and for me my OCD diagnosis makes a lot of sense and feels like the right one. But yeah, there's definitely overlap, but I think that's common between a lot of different disorders. So what are some of the mental compulsions that you kind of sit on that you're able to suppress and what are some of the ones that the fight is real today in terms of sometimes this comes out physically and it's more of a battle than the things that you can kind of sit on and one of the things that's interesting about OCD is it's not consistent, right? Like the level of how compelled I feel to give into a compulsion really fluctuate based on like my stress level or what's something like COVID really exacerbated a lot and kind of gave me a lot of new compulsions and so you know like there will be days where my partner will be cooking and I'm worried that he hasn't watched his hands and there will be days where I'll be able to say Allison it's okay don't say anything and then there will be days where I go did you wash your hands, you know and so it really kind of fluctuates in terms of like my level of self control and also just am I willingness to fight it, right? That's something I've been really talking about a lot and thinking about a lot is sort of I think a hard and fast rule with OCD tends to be exposure therapy and that you shouldn't give in to your compulsions because that makes it worse. But I've really gravitated more towards like a harm reduction model where there are certain things that are going to really get in the way of my life and my relationships and my ability to function and then there are other compulsions that fighting it is not worth it you know like it doesn't really have a negative impact. The relief that comes with it is worth it to me, especially in a stressful time in my life. I don't constantly want to feel like I am always trying to get better and I'm in a constant state of fighting my own brain. You know, that's an exhausting way to live. And then I would imagine that that feeds the cycle. Of, I'm not doing this right. Yeah, I think having to the complexity of both being a mental health advocate and somebody who's also coming to terms with I'm okay that I'm not fighting this all the time can feel on its face a little like hypocrisy, right? Because so much of the work I do is like, you can get better, there are ways to work, you know, work with the symptoms that you have and try to address the ones that are really harmful. But I also think it's a more realistic type of mental health advocacy in a lot of ways because if we could all just get up and say no to all of our symptoms, then no one would be mentally ill and guess what? That's not the case. And I'm sure you found that one of the byproducts of having a struggle that is common is the sense of connection with other people that understand you to a depth that someone who doesn't struggle with that can't understand. It's been really interesting, you know, I came out to LA to be a screenwriter. I went to school for screenwriting. I wanted to be a TV comedy writer, sketch writer, a comedy was always my main focus, but then I started this YouTube channel called just between us with my comedy partner and just through the channel I started talking more and more about the OCD of it all and the anxiety and just living with mental illness and this was back in like 2014 and even in like the last 9 years, there's been such a shift in how much this stuff has talked about and when I was first putting stuff out there, the amount that people were like, oh my God, thank you for talking about this. You know, like it felt like in a kind of an exciting time to sort of be on the forefront of de stigmatizing a lot of stuff and it was never like my intention to make writing about mental health and creating content about mental health to be my main career goal. It was sort of just like an extension of this other work that I was doing, but the reaction from people and having people say that me being open about my life has made them feel more comfortable in theirs. I mean, there's no better motivation to keep going than that kind of feedback. It is amazing. What a sense of meaning or purpose can do in our lives, especially if we've never felt it that strongly. Talk about the positive ripples of having a sense of meaning and purpose in your life. If you can. I think it's really important. And I think it can get tied up in the cycle of capitalism and productivity in a negative way where it can feel like, oh, for not being production, if we're not making money, then we are worthless, and I don't at all want to push that agenda, but I think that there is something to have a meaning and purpose in your life. And for some people that can look like I have a really high paying amazing job and for other people it can be on my mom or I care for rescued animals and the purpose no one can take away no one gets to decide what that purpose is other than you, but I think having something that kind of grounds you too, why am I getting up every day? Why are the hard parts worth it? What am I kind of striving towards? And again, that's such a spectrum and it doesn't need to be any sort of financial incentive. It can be very relational. It just grounds us and it makes us it makes it harder parts worth kind of getting through. So what are some of the other things you struggled with as a kid? You mentioned depression, how did that present itself? I mean, you talked about laying down in the street when you were four. I think my experience with depression kind of speaks to, again, like how it can manifest so differently because you know I have friends and know people with depression who, when they're in a bout of it, they can't
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Be disintegrating. Heavy weighted blanket on my brain. Symptomatically. And I can't think straight. Things present themselves for a reason. And I can't see straight. I couldn't even drive. The first movie that I remember watching with him. Post traumatic stress. I was like 5 years old was Pulp Fiction. And moral injury. I would act out the scenes gonna go to hell or with my barbies. The greatest source of our suffering. Ordinary is where all the good stuff happens. Is our unwillingness to experience and accept our emotions. It's very hard to heal and dark isolation. I developed compassion. It is in connection and community where that happens. The process was nearly unbearable. Like I'm gonna have to kill myself. We'll be right back after this. I'm here with Alice and Raskin, who is you're an author, your podcaster, and most excitingly, you're getting your graduate degree with plans of becoming a therapist. I'm actually, I'm not planning to become a therapist, but I am getting a master's in psychology. Okay. That was my read something that that was your plan initially, but so that has changed. Yeah, I went back to school in early 2020 and I had thought that I would be a great resource and backup career sort of. I think some of it was fear of what this crazy what this creative industry is like and the instability of it and like, oh, this is a potential plan B and then just through the course of my program and just other things that happen in my career, I kind of decided that I prefer to do mental health advocacy more from sort of a macro level of writing about it and interviewing experts and trying to make things more accessible instead of me being a therapist, you know, one on one with clients. Gotcha. I totally understand that. I went through the same thing and orientation I went, I don't think I can do this. And I also didn't want the pressure of technically being an expert and not being able to make fucked up jokes and, you know, when sometimes say something that's completely wrong, it just felt like a lot of pressure. Yeah, I don't think it necessarily. I mean, I still think that there's a chance that that I'll go back to school to get that kind of license, but I think my strengths are more in sort of sharing my own story, connecting with people through my experiences and that's really not how therapists work. And so sort of a combination of a bunch of different things, but the goal is, you know, I'm hopefully graduating this summer and have a little more just a little more credibility in the field when I write about all this stuff a little more knowledge that I'm not just speaking from my own experience, but having been through school and I've learned a lot about other forms of mental illness that I personally haven't experienced, which has been really helpful. And just so many things that I used to talk about as if I knew what I was talking about. I'm now like, oh my goodness. What was I thinking? So what are some of the things that you've learned getting your psychology degree that have kind of expanded your knowledge? One of the biggest things is just how inaccessible therapy is. You know, I think I used to be of this mindset that if you wanted to get better than you should just get yourself in therapy and do the work and now I'm very much like no, this is a societal failing that like therapy is not accessible to people and also I think a real kind of aversion to pop psychology and positivity as like the main thing that will fix people where there's just a lot again of systemic issues like racism and poverty and trauma and trauma that stigma. Individuals can not fix themselves out of poverty. So Instagram means no right. Yeah, so I think just having like a more nuanced approach to all of this and also just, you know, I think really believing this one thing was true and then realizing well it's true for some people but that's not true for everybody and everyone's mental health journey is so different and needs to really be catered to them and their specific context. Couldn't agree more. So let's talk about your life and your struggles. One of the first things to rear its head was your compulsive thinking yeah, so I was diagnosed with OCD when I was four years old, which is pretty young, but I had something called pandas, which is where I had strep throat and it kind of ignited the OCD in my brain and so it came on really fast and my parents thought that I might have a brain tumor. They were really proactive about getting me help. I mean, I've said countless times. If I had gotten sick in another family, I don't know if I'd still be here. I don't think that I would. And so mental health is always just been a part of my life. I mean, there's never been a memory that I have of me as someone who wasn't mentally ill. And I think that that has shaped a lot of the way that I think about this stuff and move through the world and also the possibility of what life can be, even if you have a mental illness. What were some of the ways that it presented itself? So it was complex because I think I was smart enough at four to know that something was wrong. You know, so in a lot of ways with the OCD also came kind of a depression of I said to my dad I was like, I need to see a doctor something inside of me. It's incredible for me. You know, I think I was actually kind of suicidal. I laid down in the middle of the street and my parents were told that if they didn't, you know, watch me 24/7, I needed to be in a psych ward, but I was really lucky that my mother was able to watch me 24/7. A lot of contamination fears, you know, washing my hands until they bled. That's still very much a theme that's relative in my life relevant to my life now. Especially been made worse by COVID and yeah, just sort of, I think I have a very bad memory of my childhood the way that my OCD manifests now is really contamination OCD, some reassurance seeking, a lot of doubt of memory and a fear of misrepresenting myself, but I think when I was younger, I had some more of those classic physical compulsions that like my mom said I would look like I was like a baseball coach.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"If you're thinking about starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online. Designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule, or do you say sexual? Nobody says you. Fucking idiot. Schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Discover your potential with better help. Visit better help dot com slash mental today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help HELP dot com slash mental and make sure you include the slash metal part so they know you came from the podcast. And then finally, this is an awful moment filled out by Rory and she writes, I've been trying to learn to get over my aversion to masturbation and sexual and sexuality due to a mix of gender dysphoria and a family that is very critical and judgmental of sex and sexual desire. I've bought toys and explored the parts of me. I felt comfortable with, yet came to the realization that the medication I am taking the manage my depression and anxiety is making it difficult to climax. I've been to my doctor for additional medications and have tried all the mental tips to help get me there, but still haven't found anything that works. So, as I'm laying in bed, unintentionally edging myself for hours, all I can hear is the voice of my mother in my head telling me that there is no true fulfillment and sex and God is the only thing that will fill that void in me. And that moment, I realize that since it's been as fulfilling sexually as he has been spiritually, I should name my vibrator God. My consciousness might
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Packs wearing flip flops. This one simple task is mentally separated into a million smaller ones and it seems impossible. I decide to go for it anyway and I forget to put detergent in. I pull out all my wet but not clean clothes along with skittles and meds. I forgot we're in my pocket and my training stopwatch that now is water logged and useless. Now I'm 29 years old sobbing alone in my laundry room, wishing desperately that anything was easy. Oh man, sending you sending you some love. I think so many of us have experienced that feeling while we just feel like such a week fuck up and we have no compassion for ourselves in that moment. No compassion that our brain is fighting something bigger than us and we're doing the best we can. This is from the love survey and this is filled out by Frank and Frank writes. I love this time of year fall. The smell of the dying leaves, their last part of their cycle. I love walking in the forest and the leaves that have fallen have been molded into the hard, smooth dirt road. It almost looks like they were carefully put there and covered with a transparent covering to display them. There's something so special about falling leaves. It feels so sad, lonely, and beautiful. Some of that bittersweet that you spoke about, the good stuff. It feels like I read that one already, but I don't think I don't think I did, but yeah, boy, is there any season that brings up as much melancholy as fall? Maybe melon sees it. It was so stupid. Oh, this podcast is sponsored by better help online therapy. We were talking about self knowledge. And one of the things I remember when I was in my 20s was somebody said to me, you're so hostile. And I had no idea. And it wasn't until I got into therapy that I began to realize how much anger I had buried all my life and I think for a lot of us who have done therapy throughout to self knowledge would have been really, really hard without an experienced guide to help us through that stuff.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"I should have been brave enough to be honest with her and treated her with respect, and I should have been brave enough to let myself be vulnerable and let her have the power on that moment to walk away from that situation with some dignity. I've had some shit in my life, but this is the only regret that still lasts. Write as many of these as you feel like I'm supposed to feel blank about blank, but I don't, I feel blank. I should not care what happens now to the ex who abused me, but I watch as Instagram waiting for him to suffer and hoping to see him fail or pay through some act of karma or something. I know it's quite human to want to win, to want vengeance to want anyone who wronged or rejected you to suffer, but I think I should have let it go by now. I think the level of hope to see he broke up in his latest relationship or that he was finally taken over by drug abuse or started looking fat and wrinkly is just slightly too much in the frequency is more than healthy. Why is that? I don't really care anymore. Honestly, I check in with myself and I'm doing really good and I really don't care about him. So why the obsessive behavior? That's a good question. Our brains are fucking funny that way. And by the way, you are wasting your time looking for somebody to post their failing on Instagram. How does it make you feel to write your real feelings out puzzled, honestly, kind of annoyed. Don't I understand myself? Join the club. Join the club. I mean, isn't that kind of what the lifelong pursuit in therapy and support groups and conversations with Friends is about is just trying to figure out what the fuck is my brain tune. I think a lot of times that it's something a vestige of an evolutionarily helpful thing that is now just there, something that helped us during the hunt or the gather, I don't know, my two cents. Do you think you're abnormal for feeling what you do? Honestly, no, I'm sure everyone has those feelings, but I just think the level for me at the moment is weird somehow. You know what I like and I'm not being sarcastic here is that you're curious, but you're not shaming yourself for feeling that and that's rare in these surveys because most of us when we feel that we're not doing life in a quote right unquote, we fucking start laying into ourselves and you're more kind of yeah, you don't feel that it's ideal, but it seems like you're a little bit more detached and curious. And I think that's really healthy. With knowing other people feel the same way, make you feel better about yourself. Not really, but if we could talk about it, maybe we could both learn something, I like it when you're like two detectives on the same case throwing around theories and looking at the angles. You might consider, first of all, thank you for filling that out. That was a great survey. But you might consider posting in the forum. There's a lot of really nice people in there and a great guy that runs it Manny mo shout out to you. And there's the threads on tons of topics there. This is from the same survey, I shouldn't feel this way survey. And this is filled out by a woman who calls herself in the shadows of an addict. And how'd you like to be remembered? I want to be remembered for my heart. Generosity, compassion, and then I left the world a better place. And I came in it. How does it feel writing that? It boosts my self esteem and reminds me that I have a place in this world as well as the power to change the world as cliche as that sounds. How would you use a time machine? I would change the way I lashed out at people in my adolescence and teen years. I was angry, but didn't know how to talk about it or seek help, and I would make sure Hitler got into art school. So fucking dark. Oh my God. I'm supposed to feel sad about my sister possibly dying from her addiction, but I don't. I feel relieved thinking about it. How does it make you feel writing a real feelings out? I feel that I am a terrible person for feeling that way. But if it feels relieving, but it feels relieving to type it out like a release of something inside me. I'm glad that you that you did that and you got to feel that. I had something kind of similar happen. There was a guy in my support group like a decade ago. He was a well meaning person, but a real a hot mess. And disruptive in meetings. And not like in a malicious dangerous way, but just annoying and always had to be the center of attention. And he suddenly died of cancer. He was gone within three or four weeks, and I felt bad that a part of me was relieved that he wasn't in the meetings anymore, and then I eventually just went, you know, it's what I feel. It's not like I tried to speed up his cancer. That, you know, that would have been something different, but I think it's really human to feel relief when anything that is complicated and heavy and our lives leaves us. Do you think you're abnormal for feeling what you do? Yes, I've told a couple of trusted people and they all invalidated me and said, no, don't say that. But they've never been in my shoes. You know, they haven't and fuck them. Fuck them. It's what you're feeling. You know, there is no should or could, it doesn't apply when it comes to feeling. We feel we feel, our actions are what matters. This is from the struggle in the sentence survey filled out by a gender fluid person who refers to themselves as cupcake bridge troll. I don't even know what that means, but I like it. About their ADD, I promise I'm not trying to be an asshole. You just weren't talking about my current hyper fixation, so I didn't actually hear anything you said. Oh my God, do I relate to that one? About their abandonment issues. I know there's absolutely no evidence that he will, but I better prepare myself for when he leaves. I don't blame him. I'd leave me too if I could. A snapshot from their life. It's a bad ADHD day and my executive dysfunction is in full swing. Doing a single load of laundry feels the same in my head as trekking up a mountain with multiple heavy
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Misfit toys. Welcome to episode 6 33 with my guest, Alison Raskin. My name's Paul gilmartin. This is my podcast, and yeah, I'm a nut job. I'm a nut job, but so are you, which is why you're listening, and maybe you're not. Maybe you're just listening to feel better about yourself, in which case my hat is off to you. I hope you're happy with yourself. I am not a mental health professional. This podcast is not meant to be a substitute for professional mental counseling. But I think I do have some wisdom to share, and sometimes I'm just a great example of what not to be. You know, I was thinking, there are things that you can't put a name on, but I know other people feel the same way and there should be a name for this, but I can not, I don't have a chance a real chance at relaxing until I put pajamas on. And then for some reason, especially if they're flannel, it's just like everything melts away. Maybe it's the knowledge that I can't leave the house, or at least I tell myself, 'cause I could put pants on and then leave the house, but I know there are people that relate to that. I have a goal of dying with the least number of people mad at me. I don't know if there's a name for that maybe codependency. They're actually there is a name for that one. I saved the absolute worst thing that I'm going to eat all day long until 5 minutes before I go to bed. And I eat the portion that I say I'm going to eat, standing over the sink, I put it away and then I immediately go and I get it out and I eat the same portion again. I don't know if there's a name for that. After I cook, before I eat, I have to wash some of the dishes so I can relax while I'm eating because otherwise it hangs over my head, then I've got all those dishes to wash. There must be a name for that. I set my alarm and our before I actually need to wake up so that I can have the satisfaction of turning it off or resetting it knowing that I have another hour. Just sleep. I I wouldn't say I get high from it. But the rush of dopamine when something that was going to require me to leave the house gets canceled, it's like being in a jacuzzi. That's the I don't know if there's a name for that. When I go shopping, if I don't buy something, I'm afraid that they think I'm stealing, so I walk out extra slow. Don't know if there's a name for that. But those of you that are new to the podcast, that's a little. That's a little introduction to my brand of crazy. Let's read some surveys before we get to the interview with Allison. This is from the voice in your head survey filled out by Casey and some of the things you tell yourself about yourself, she writes number one, you're too much to deal with. And that's it. There's nothing else besides that. You're too much to deal with. I think a lot of us relate to that one, and yet there's also a part of us that thinks that we're not enough. Somehow, that's the only way that we can defy logic is by not being enough in being too much both at the same time. I don't know if that made sense. I don't think I even really understood what I said. I could go back and fix that. But I'd rather leave it in there and like, oh my God, three weeks ago, there was a minute of silence because something with the editing software I did wrong. And then last week, something got shifted around right before I mixed the episode down and the opening Montage got slid over and was overlapping. With something else and God bless you listeners for letting me know that that was going on. You let me know within like four or 5 hours. So I appreciate that. This is from the ask Paul anything survey. And this is filled out by a guy who calls himself muscle and he writes, I have a background with abuse as a child, physical emotional, sexual. I have a mental health diagnosis and take medication. I have a co occurring substance abuse problem. And I am passionate about helping others with similar issues through working as a counselor. However, I have an extensive record with the court with mostly drug offenses and also some low grade violence. The last time I got in trouble was recently and I'm wondering if I go through school if I am going to have problems finding work because of this. I debated on whether or not to feel this because ultimately my thought is I don't know because I'm not a legal expert and I don't work in the field of drug counseling, but what I do know is that a lot of drug counselors that I have met have histories of being in prison for violence, for armed robbery, all kinds of crazy things. So I seriously doubt that it's going to impact things, but what I did want to say in addition to that is you might reach out to a fellow drug counselor or therapist or social worker and let them know what you're thinking or even a lawyer and ask are there laws on the books that you have to have been out of jail for a certain amount of time before you can do something. But, you know, some of the best drug counselors out there are the ones who've been to the very bottom and that experience counts for something. So instead of shaming yourself, I say pat yourself on the back for turning your life around and I have the feeling because it sounds like your energy isn't a good and positive place. I have the feeling that the universe is going to open the door and say, sir, come right this way. This is from the I shouldn't feel this way surveying this is filled out by a woman who calls herself poop, sparkling heart poop. No idea where that means, but I'm a fan and I hope to begin receiving the newsletter. How would you like to be remembered one of the greatest animators of our time? How does it feel writing that ego E? If you had a time machine, how would you use it? I'd apologize to my friend Laura after I started a relationship with her boyfriend when we outlive together.
AP News Radio
Intel agencies: No sign adversaries behind 'Havana syndrome'
"U.S. intelligence agencies say there is no sign, any foreign adversaries are behind the incidents leading to so called Havana syndrome among hundreds of American personnel worldwide. The cases date to a series of reported brain injuries 7 years ago at the U.S. embassy in Cuba, investigators looked at roughly 1500 cases in 96 countries. There have long been suspicions Russia or another country may have been using some form of directed energy to target Americans. But intelligence officials say most cases appear to have different causes from environmental factors to undiagnosed illnesses, and there is no single explanation. Investigators found no credible evidence any adversary had a weapon that could cause the reported symptoms or a listening device that might inadvertently cause harm, Sagar, Meghani, Washington.
The Trish Regan Show
Biden Tried to Shut Down Investigation Into Covid's China Origins
"Forget in 2021 after big Wall Street Journal article that pointed to all the scientists in Wuhan that wound up in the hospital with a mysterious illness just before the COVID outbreak will then finally President Biden had to do something. It was a big front page story, so he comes out and he says, all right, you know what? After having totally shut down the investigation, think about that. He came into office and he shut down the darn investigation. In the where this thing came from, he shut it down. Until it was so apparent and so out there in the media that he couldn't, so he ordered the U.S. spy agencies to carry out a 90 day investigation into the origins of the pandemic. That was over two years ago? And now we're learning the truth? I'll tell you one thing. We got to real trust issue going on. There is no way we can trust anything. From a president who shut down the investigation until he was forced to revamp it. And now, when it's in his interest to reveal the truth, he does.
Dennis Prager Podcasts
Bishop's Murder Raises Questions About Mental Illness
"So the bishop in Los Angeles was murdered. In his home turns out by his housekeeper's husband who had done some work for him. Auxiliary. Bishop. Apparently quite beloved man in his community. And the man Carlos Medina shot him to death 65 year old married man. How many 65 year old married men murder people? It's a very strange story. It's terrible story, obviously. And, of course, the usual he's mentally ill. I don't buy thee mentally ill argument as much as most people do. But it certainly is an interesting question. I always question myself, do I have an axe to grind here? Is there a political point I want to make? And therefore, I'm skewing the data or the evidence. In this case, as in most, I simply pursuing what I would like to believe is a pursuit of truth.
AP News Radio
Hollywood sex symbol Raquel Welch dies at 82
"Active Raquel Welch has died after a brief illness, according to her agent, Welch was 82, a march east are a letter with a look at her career. Raquel Welch had all of three lines in the film 1 million years BC, but it made her a star, primarily because the animal skin bikini she wore in it. Welch told reporters in 2001, it was hard to overcome being a sex symbol. It's not all that much fun, as I was coming up to 40. I was looking for breadcrumbs along the road of sex symbol DOM, you know, okay, now what do I do next? And I couldn't find any that were very positive. While Welch appeared in other lusty roles, she also won a claim for her performances in the three musketeers in the James coco film wild party and in the TV movie right to die.
Dennis Prager Podcasts
Dennis and a Caller Debate the Issue of Divorce
"Hi, Dennis. You know, I love it, respect you. I've been listening for over 20 years, but I really had a problem with your low view of marriage in that last hour. Wow, that's not fair. I have a well, I have at least as high of you as anyone living. But I made a comment that I believed divorce is important because if you think that no matter how you treat your spouse, they will never leave you, you might not act as well. So I totally got that. And I hope you do have an hour on it someday, but I believe that at somewhat word rape. And the Christian church, the relationship is to be a reflection of Christ in his church who laid down his life for her secondarily. My vow is not first and foremost to my wife. It's before God. And I make that vow for better or for worse. My wife has been sick, had been sick while for the most part of 11 years. She underperformed, should I have fired her dentist? No, well, first of all, I salute you and secondly, I said no matter how they treat you. And the adverse treatment, so to speak of you, was not in any way done volitionally by your wife. So I don't think anybody forgive me. I just want to say, I don't think anybody hearing me say no matter how your spouse treats you, thinks that I'm referring to a spouse who was been incapacitated by illness.
AP News Radio
Prosecutors: 2 moved into ailing man's home, stole millions
"Prosecutors say two people moved into an ailing man's California home and stole millions. Two people have been accused of stealing nearly $3 million from a wealthy, alien investor by moving into his Malibu beach home and giving him drugs. Anthony Flores of Fresno and of Mexico are each charged with felonies, including conspiracy, identity theft, mail fraud and money laundering. Authorities say that in 2017 the pair befriended the investor who couldn't care for himself because of the mental illness, and within days of meeting the victim, floor is more moved into the victim's beach front Malibu home, rent free and slowly took control of his life by pretending to be his new best Friends and caregivers, prosecutors say they took control of his finances, gave him LSD and after his death tried to steal more than $20 million more. They could face decades in prison if convicted on all counts. I only said to wire
AP News Radio
Cindy Williams, "Laverne & Shirley" actor, is dead at 75
"Actor Cindy Williams of Laverne and Shirley has died in Los Angeles after a brief illness, according to her family, Williams was 75, a marches are a letter with a look at her career. One, two, three, four. Cindy Williams and penny Marshall had been a writing team when they were cast by Marshall's brother Garry Marshall for an episode of happy days. Their characters were such a hit, they were spun off as their own show. Laverne and Shirley ran from 1976 to 1983. Come on, Kurt, we can't be spending half the night chasing girls down for you. Williams also started in the 1973 film American Graffiti playing Ron
Dennis Prager Podcasts
Astrid Høg on the COVID Lockdowns in Denmark
"Want to talk about your country. I have reported about Denmark as for example that it no longer wanted people under 50 to be vaccinated. Is that accurate? It is because in Denmark, COVID is no longer considered a serious illness. It's like any other flu. And we don't recommend people that are not where it's not dangerous for them to become sick to get vaccinated. So what did your country do with regard to lockdowns? The lockdown was at first. It was quick and it was heavy all the schools locked down, for instance. For how long? Four. Genocide, I forget how long was it anything approaching two years? No, and it definitely now. Okay, fine. So when spring began, this started opening up schools again. But what is significant with Denmark is that we, as first country, lifted all restrictions at a pretty early stage. Which was before Christmas 2021.
AP News Radio
Guitarist Tom Verlaine, co-founder of Television, dies at 73
"Guitarist Tom verlaine of the punk band television has died after a brief illness, according to his publicist, Berlin was 73, I'm Archie's arolla with a look at his career. Timberland's name was not Tom verlaine, it was Tom Miller, he named himself after 19th century French poet Paul Marie verlaine. Television was a mainstay of the club CBGBs in New York in the 70s, bands like pavement, Sonic Youth, and Jeff Buckley cited television as an influence. Television never charted in the U.S., but were a commercial hit in the UK. Tensions between verlaine and fellow guitarist Richard Lloyd caused the band to break up, verlaine released 8 solo albums
The Eric Metaxas Show
Ken Fish Joins Eric to Discuss Sexual Afflictions and Sin
"There's a lot of things that can afflict people in their sexuality. Keep in mind that sin is something that touches every dimension of the human system. And when I've been on the show before, we've talked about things like or talked about things like physical healing or mental illness, and we've talked about how the lord heals those kinds of problems. But when we talk about the realm of human sexuality, there could be a wide gamut of things that are involved here. Some people become, well, I think the polite term is serially monogamous. But of course, that monogamy may only last for the length of that encounter before they're on to their next encounter of serial monogamy. Right, so it's kind of like a joke, serial monogamy. Right. So yeah, so we have people who are unable to remain loyal to one spouse or nowadays, I think we use the term partner, although I tend not to like that term personally. It's a stupid term. Let's stop using it. You either have a spouse or you don't. Let's move on. So, but there are people who get caught in a series of immoral relationships and from biblical standpoint and immoral relationship is one where sexuality is being expressed outside of marriage. And I know for those listeners who are recoiling in shock that I would even say that, I know that's not a modern sentiment, but it is a biblical one. Yeah, who cares what some modern sentiment?
Dennis Prager Podcasts
Why God Keeps the Answer Secret?
"Do you know I wonder if people who grow up with a disabled sibling are not deeper and better people for it? Oh, I'm sure. And that's another thing that really haunts me because it's not just that I was born without a disability. I feel like I have my, I've benefited in a very odd way from her troubles. I feel like I am a much more mature, strong person because Gina has suffered, not just because she's disabled because she is suffered. And that's something that I can't figure out. Why does God let that happen? Why is that the case? Well, okay, so. Do you see what I'm saying that goes beyond? Of course. Look, I have come to Pete to some peace with that issue. And that is that there was no answer. I'm a big believer in God and I have big questions for God. Why is that way and your way? There was a kid in my high school class who died in the senior year. Of what? I don't remember some illness. He wasn't, I don't think it was a crash or something. But even if it was a crash, I mean, look, there's no answer to that. You'll find this very interesting. A major Jewish thinker passed away in the last two years. And God, me and names is a perfect example because there's even a video of the two of us in dialog. Laura oh God, sex. That's it. He was rabbi sacks, and he was a major writer, major thinker. He was the chief rabbi of England. He was a member of the House of lords very distinguished, incredibly, I mean, you would be blown away at how well read he was. And all of a sudden he got terminal, I think, cancer. In his early 70s, and he said on a podcast, somebody asked him about God and suffering and so on, and he said he has come through an interesting conclusion. I'm using the word interesting. I don't know if he said it. He said, God must keep the answer. Secret. Because if we understood it, we would not work to improve the world.
Dennis Prager Podcasts
Do Leaders Need to Be Liked to Be Effective?
"Some great leaders are liked. And many are not, and if you aim to be liked, you can't be a great leader. If you aim to be liked, you can't be a great parent. Viewing to be liked, you can't be a great talk show host. If you aim to be liked, you can't be a good teacher. If you aim to be liked, it's interesting question. Can you be a great doctor? Well, a lot of that's your primary aim. It's better to have a nice doctor than a not nice doctor. But very few people choose their doctor. Based on niceness. Certainly not if they have a serious illness and need surgery. It's a childish thing maybe people who didn't have a parent that they particularly liked. Feel this great need to like a president. I wonder about the psychology of never trumpers. You really ask as your first question? Whether you like Trump? Not whether he did good for the country?
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"More people to the show and you can help non financially by just spreading the word through Reddit, tumblr, all those other social media sites, the more you can spread the word, the more we can help destigmatize. Mental illness and get help for the people that need it because it is serious. This is a serious fucking thing. I know we joke around a lot, but you know what happened in Colorado. If that doesn't drive home, what untreated mental illness can look like. And maybe that guy was treated. Who knows what his full story is, but I don't think there's any doubt that mental illness played played a role in that. And you know like I said before, if you say you care about the victims, but you are not for more money going to mental healthcare for all Americans. You really don't care about the victims because you don't care about future victims. And that may be divisive with me to say that. But if you disagree, go fuck yourself and I don't mean that in a funny way. I mean that in a truly go fuck yourself way because it's exhausting, living with metal illness. I'm fucking tired of it. I'm really fucking tired of it and I have access to decent healthcare. I get to see a psychiatrist. I get to see a psychologist. You know, I get my meds paid for through my wife's insurance. And a lot of people don't. And that's fucked up. We call ourselves the greatest country in the world. That doesn't strike me as a quality of a great country. I'm not saying this isn't a great country. I'm just saying, there's a disconnect there. All right, enough of my soapbox. I want to take, let's get on to something more lighthearted like a mother sexualizing her child. This survey comes from a guy who calls himself proud new papa, his straight is in his 30s, was raised in a pretty dysfunctional environment. Ever been in the victim of sexual abuse. He says some stuff happened, but I don't know if it counts as sexual abuse. My mother acted inappropriately with me on many occasions. She thought it would be funny to play grab ass with me until I was in college. She used to force me to kiss her on the lips until I was almost 19 when I would object to the kissing. She would get very mad in almost yell at me, making me feel ashamed that I wouldn't do something that made me feel so very uncomfortable. But worst of all was when I was 11 and 12 years old, she would try to get me to take my swimsuit off while swimming in our pool. It did not even reenter my consciousness that this occurred until I heard Paul discussing his issues with his mother on the podcast. I have so much anger guilt and shame pouring through me daily because of this that is affecting every aspect of my life and I don't know what to do about it. Deepest darkest thoughts, he writes, I have contemplated suicide at various points in my life since I was 14. I often I think often about just saying fuck everything and going off to live in the middle of the Woods away from everyone and everything, which, by the way, of all the surveys I read, that is the most common fantasy that most people have or dark thought is they just want to cut contact with everybody and just move someplace else. He writes, there have been many times recently where the only thing that has stopped me from doing this are the fact that I would not see my two young children ever again. I also think that when my wife is late or hasn't called for a while that something happened, or she has died in an accident, rather than calling to check on her, I start planning for my widower future in my head. Contemplating how I would go about raising the kids without her. I would how I would involve her family and their lives and how quickly I would have to sell the house and move back in with my parents, which would be the worst part of the whole thing, even worse than the fact that my wife was dead. Boy, do I get that one? Having to move back in with an abusive parent, wow. After an out after a half hour of this, I finally realized that I should probably call and check on her. What is sexual fantasy is most powerful to you. He writes, I have a fantasy of being completely degraded and just giving all control to my wife to be her servant. I want her to yell at me and beat me and recognize me for the piece of shit I am. I want her to fuck other guys in front of me and rub it in my face. I want her to just abandon me alone in the room while she goes and has an orgy next door so I can hear everything that is going on, but be powerless to stop it. On the other hand, I want to completely dominate her as well. Leave her tied up on the bed, for sure to satisfy my urges and make her have sex with the parade of women while I direct them all dissatisfied my depraved desires. Man, I sound like a sicko and I'm surprising myself by writing this. I feel disgusting. You're not disgusting. You are you are a human being and do not feel do not feel shame about thinking or feeling that stuff. Would you ever consider telling a partner close friend your fantasies? He writes, I try to mention bringing a new person into bed. Every once in a while, but I don't know how receptive my wife is to it. So I just stopped bringing it up. Plus, it makes me feel like a perv to even acknowledge these thoughts. Where do the deepest darkest secrets that you things that you've done or things that have happened to you? He writes I was the coordinator for a fundraiser and a college charity. I didn't trust the other people in the group to pay the money to the charity, so I deposit it, and in my bank account, then rather than pay the money to the charity, I used it to pay my own bills. It was only $300 and.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"This is also from the ask Paul anything survey. And Cinderella asks, by the way, how are your shoes fitting? I'm fully aware that you are not a licensed professional. You make that very obvious. So I'm not trying to get your professional advice. However, have you ever had to deal with a friend or family member that was suicidal? If so, how did you deal? My brother went to college across the country. He's my favorite person on earth and I'm terrified. I'm going to lose him to suicide. I researched what to do on those health websites and there's no answer. I'm not expecting you to give me an answer either. Don't worry, but do you have any experience? My dad made a suicide attempt when he was in his 60s. I would have been in the early to mid 90s. Early 90s and we attended some he was forced to go to rehab. They wouldn't release him from the psychiatric unit unless he went directly to rehab, and we drove him to rehab on Christmas Eve, of course. And nobody talked about it and the car on the ride home. And yeah, we went to a couple of required family support group meetings at the rehab and he never attempted it again. So I don't know if I could weigh in on having someone who was actively suicidal, but my opinion is if you're not a mental health professional, you can give that person certainly love, but it's a serious thing that I believe needs serious professional help. Whether it's a suicide hotline, the rules and different states vary but generally somebody can only be involuntarily committed if they are deemed a danger to themselves or others. So the person in many ways has to want to get help. But what I would suggest is you getting help for yourself and the stress around that and the national alliance on mental illness is a great organization. It was created for the loved ones of people that battle mental illnesses and I believe the national website is NAMI dot org. So that might be a good place to start. But send menu some love. It could be a really isolating thing being the loved one of someone who is suffering. And then we feel guilty because we're like, why am I feeling bad? I'm not the one who's suffering, but we are. We are suffering because we are helpless and we love that person. This is from the ask Paul anything survey and this is the same person Cinderella. Have you ever been to a psychic or a medium and do you believe in ghosts? You know, I tend to think that most psychics are mediums are full of shit and are predatory. But I could be wrong. I'm certainly leaving the door open that I don't know. And as to whether or not I believe in ghosts. I'm my belief. I might believe in that. I certainly believe in the movie ghost. You've got to believe in that. Anybody that can make pottery so sexy. Oh, man. This is an awful moment filled out by Lisa. She writes, I recently connected with my spiritual team and ancestors as awesome of that sound as that sounds. I also realized that they've witnessed every weird and horrible thing I've ever done in my life. Probably even watched me masturbate, which I've done a lot and lot is in capitals. But that's okay. I know they love me and would never judge me. I assume that she did like a seance or something like that. I think everybody imagines that. What if dead people are watching me jerk off? Oh my God. But isn't that part of grammar's job? You bake cookies, you have babysit the grandkids. And then you hover around the ceiling and you watch somebody go to town on themselves. And you try to reserve judgment. This is an awful moment filled out. This is also by Cinderella. Cinderella, you're getting a little greedy. With the surveys. And they share. I'm happy that my father has started go to AA meetings again after a few years. He says that he's doing this for himself and then he needs to learn to love and take care of himself. I'm happy for him and proud, the only thing is, I wish he wanted to do it for me. And first of all, thank you for sharing that. That's such an important point to make. And as somebody who is recovering from alcoholism and drug addiction, I can tell you that it is almost impossible to get or stay sober if we're not doing it for ourselves. But here's the good news. The good news is, is if we begin to let our heart soften, we begin to learn how to handle our emotions like an adult, we learn to be helpful to others and not so selfish and fear based. Then we can really truly begin to see the negative effect that we had had on other people and be happy that we're there now for those people and that we have different relationships. For them. I hope that makes sense. We are sponsored this week, as always, by better help dot com.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"There was there was because i mean it can be as simple as like just being outside of your body or You know doesn't have to be the delusions and hallucinations. It's it's it's so much more than that. I think it's so broad but we just treated it as this negative word. And i wonder how we can come back from that by towards the end of my drinking days I would hear would lay down to sleep at night. I would hear people in my backyard calling calling me. And i started to get worried and i applied for a gun licence. I got a gun license. And i'm so glad that i didn't get one but i thought that i needed to protect myself and there were no during the day but when i would lay down to sleep very drunk i would. I would hear paul paul. You're right and you are so absolutely blessed that it never snowballed into anything more. Because when i went to the hospital that would follow my incarceration. I met so many people with berry similar stories to what you just described where it actually you know ended with them in an act of violence or harm against themselves which was most common by a lot of a lot of people in the towards hitting their bottom of cocaine or meth or crack tons of of hallucinations. Visual auditory paranoia. They they joke about you. Know hiding in the closet. Sure that the swat team is gonna come in through the sorry i got sidetracked so soon going back to that day at. Oh yeah here. So i was wandering the streets again in psychosis and i was on magnificent mile i was in ill chicago. I don't know if you're familiar with darva. Oh awesome as. I really miss it so i missed. Portillo's your donna. Yes there's four billows out here. i'm so so happy. Yeah nice you know. I found myself on those streets. I wind up at o'hare airport enduring time. I was on the streets. My family like was trying to find me and my mom you know new because they all knew about my mental illness. That's something that i had never kept from them I was very honest with my family about the things that i went through. And we really did think that moving to chicago would be great for me and would be a great experience for me to become adult that i vision at the college And my mom. As i was wondering the streets my mom flew to chicago to me and she called the chicago police department and she filed mixing persons reports and she told them that i was out on the streets. Medic could harm myself or someone else. They ended up not coming to do welfare check and they said to my mom because i was an adult that you know there was nothing that they could do until something and so. It was hard as much as my family tried to prevent something from happening because of my illness. It just did not protect me from you. Know losing my reality at o'hare airport. And so i find myself at o'hare and i start hallucinating. The sound of gunshots Just loud loud shots. It's pretty much what you envision. It would be like to be caught in the mass shooting or any kind of terrorist attack. And i remember just sneaking run you know get out of there and that was my perception right so that was the reality. I was living in. Which was buried disconnected from the actual one. And i st a child and his mother and i say to myself. Oh my gosh like by me to help them get to their departure gate or get somewhere and there was an initial hesitance because like as if like i just wasn't so sure about you know how to help them but i knew that if i didn't help them they could die on my watch and it'd be the most selfish act that ever against buyer in a mass shooting so yeah so i'm hearing madan shots and it feels like everyone's running around me and i pick up the small child to help them get to their departure gate. They being the mother was following. The i took several steps towards escalator. And she took the child back from the and it lasted maybe moments. You know twenty seconds but that act alone resulted in charge of aggravated kidnapping. I have a friend who the exact same thing happened to. She picked up a child. She was having hallucinations and she picked up a child in it was very briefly and she spent several years in and out of jails raw but was found in insane by you know right but not guilty by reason of insanity yes So what happened after that. So after that like. I'm in a period of rolling blackouts. So i remember being in a cell. I remember being booked. But i was never taken to like a psychiatrist or may community mental health agency Do this do you think being a woman of color factored into that absolutely especially because it. It's not like no one was trying to help me. Now like my whole family was trying to intervene. What this system. This criminal justice system machine. That took over. You know members of my family called the state's attorney's office let them know like she's not a criminal. She has no criminal history She was working as a professional. You know she's not. This is not what you think. It is and it was out easy for them to verify the mental illness. But at that point you know they set my bail at four hundred fifty thousand dollars and no one would listen to my family when they tried to intervene. But i can't imagine what that was like. Obviously on you. But i'm them as well. What a helpless frustrating terrifying experience at must have been for them and then you know the whole layer of it institutional racism yet on on top of that that right this was you know an active less than thirty seconds. And you know. I'm still today connected to the criminal justice system. You know so in. This was twenty fourteen when it happened. So when did you begin to get some clarity on what happened and begin to find the path to managing your illness. Talk about your stay in the in the mental hair. A mental health system. Yeah so i was in the cook. County jail for about a year During that time. I was still collusion meeting on n. Different things. I thought i was going to be. God's why fend again. This was very new to me to have this level of of psychosis because like of all the many years that i was functioning with the ill miss. It was never a situation where i like. Didn't even know my name right. And so after a year we go to trial where found not guilty. Never insanity And then i was said to a hospital which was a state hospital outside of chicago And i would not say that. That was the best place for recovery but it was achieved you know regardless I was able to be placed on. A medication has worked so well for me right now i know. A lot of people have issued their own issues with medication. And whether or not to take it but this medication really saved my life and has input me on a path to stability that. I now have today. He does some snapshots from your stay..
Mentally Yours
"illness" Discussed on Mentally Yours
"Mentally focus on your show regrets mentally antony entity then to mentally one. Welcome to news metro case weekly mental health.
Mental Illness Happy Hour
"illness" Discussed on Mental Illness Happy Hour
"Going to hear were sponsored by the national alliance on mental illness of west los angeles if you guys have never checked out nam. It's a really good resource especially for the loved ones that people dealing with mental illness or other issues I think they're national. Website is an a. m. i. dot org. Excuse me that's no way to start the podcast. I like to think like to kick things off flamy. That's usually oh. I'm going to be honest. Right upfront I know feel like say my name. The name of the podcast. Any kind of prefaces about what. It is or what it isn't. I am depressed. I am in a a dark hole. That i know i'm going to get out of but i'm in that place. Those either suffer from depression. Know what i'm talking about. Your brain just feels like it like it hasn't been oiled and it's hard to make decisions. It's hard to feel positive about anything. It's hard to put sentences together. It's hard to describe how you feel. I just been climbing back in in and out of bed. And i don't know if it's food related gut related. I'm having some digest shift issues. you know. There are facts on the ground that are depressing. With what is going on in everybody's life right now but i think also some stuff i'm dealing with in my life and i don't want to be a broken record about that and i certainly don't want to. I don't wanna bring anybody down. I don't wanna make this all about me. But i also don't want to minimize what i'm going through because i got a practice what i preach and i preach all the time on this podcast about opening up to other people letting them know where you're at and if you're if you're hurting if you're struggling say so you know and so i i called a somebody in my support group and i told him i said man. I'm i'm in a dark place right now. And i told him some of this stuff that was coming out of my pen When i journaled about an hour before that and a lot of it was just existential questions is if there is a god is are you is. Is this your plan for me to suffer you. Know how much of this will. I be able to bear Am i god. I hate to get dr. But em am i gonna at some point down the road if things never get better and i know this is the depression talking about. Am i gonna take my life. It's such a hard thing to say out loud. But i've been thinking about it a lot not that i wanted to do it. But is that there as as an alternative because when when we are in the grips of something that controls our thinking it. We want an exit door. We want to know that. There's a door if the on fire. If there's a door that we can get out of and i think it's important talk honestly about this because otherwise stuff it inside and i feel shame about it and i put on a face. I lie and i say no. You know i'm doing great or you know. Don't share this with everybody. There's certain people that go. Yeah you know. I'm hanging in there. And i am i am hanging in there But i'm also having trouble falling asleep having trouble waking up Than having trouble staying awake once. I get up. It's like it's like my body decides you know. What is it that you want from sleep right now. You want sleep. Well we're going to take that away you know. Oh you don't want sleep. Well we're gonna make you sleepy sometimes. It just feels like the. The universe is is testing u. and and it was helpful to journal to get those thoughts out on paper because otherwise the positive person in that have worked really hard to culture Just kind of takes over and says everything's gonna be fine. I trust in a benevolent force in the universe is people who love me. I've gotten through all of these things so far in my life. Why would i. Why would i not continue to survive difficulties. And i know that's the truth but it doesn't feel like the truth and that's what's such a motherfucker about mental illness is. There's a disconnect between the intellectual and the emotional and the intellectual tells you it's going to be okay. This is temporary but the emotional tells you know it's not it's forever and day by day it's getting worse and you are becoming a burden and everyone you love will slowly pull away and then you're going to end it. All that out comes at me can throw in addiction and health issues etc. So that's where i'm at. How are you. i'm glad i said that though there's part of me that's really self conscious because i don't want people to worry about me also called my girlfriend and is very comforting to talk to her because she i feel seen and heard and supported by her and i am surrounded by people who love me and care about me and i'm very grateful to have that and i've worked hard to surround myself with people who loved me. You know. a lot of the work was finding out what's healthy love. And what isn't what's codependent. What's eating toxic behavior anyway. I'm going down a bit of a rabbit hole. But i i don't know how how How many surveys. I'm gonna get to as i was kind of looking at these to put him in order to read them. I was like. I don't know if i can get through two of these fucking things because i am just I feel like tumbleweed with legs. There you have it. We are sponsored today as always by better help dot com online therapy and thank god. I'm talking to my therapist. donna tomorrow. Show helps me feel seen and heard and kind of work through the the stuff that i'm going through.