19 Episode results for "I Lake"

I am seriously losing my shit...

Dancing with Bipolar

08:17 min | 1 year ago

I am seriously losing my shit...

"Hi this is Teresa by podcast. Dancing with bipolar will. Today's been full-out. Meltdown Day full. We'll on full on not manic. Not Anything Meltdown Day. It didn't actually hit me. How far far gone? I was until I realized I was in Home Depot in my pajamas With a snowsuit over it so nobody knows a have jammed underneath underneath the snowsuit which other is still snow is cold it's It's a little not for me. It's a little weird for the people that might be normal but for me. It's a little weird snow boots and You know not shower. Nobody's my head onto that stuff like their. We're home depot trying to get shipped to fix this water week. which is another situation altogether Do you know ever since I've moved Arizona. There's always been a continual water problem in whatever place police I live in that the water freezes the water is there's always been a water issue dribs. It leaks this that. Oh my God had i. I know this is going to be one of the challenges. When I moved Arizona I really likely would have decided to have someplace else because the amount of stress that puts on me with the water and then thinking it's going to be fixed in front his broken more than you thought it wasn't than having calling on all people that are like we'll be there whenever you know it wasn't whenever guesses assists was like never whenever Nobody helped I mean okay. Eventually Brisk did help. But how do you come down in the middle of the day when it was still sunshine out before the water actually started leaking underneath a house which we caught. Thank God in time before anybody else call about in complain but you know. I don't need this shit. This is just like this. That was a reminder of last year and how far it went. And how Shitty it went you know in hearing him at Home Depot Holding Donkey Dick and other stuff to fix stuff and I'm just kind of like not really there I've already lost stuff out of the bag. I not sure whether seated hoping it's in the truck It's all kind of fuzzy. You know like I remember being there. Were walking down certain aisles else. But there's parts of it that I don't remember at all Very surreal Associated really disassociated In so my meltdown. Today after the guy came to blow out under the house in to see the pipe just hanging there again Uses devastating was like a flashback to everything last year in late on my bed and I cried for. Oh God I don't know a good forty five minutes and self harmed not tragically but nonetheless did still self-harm which was a first for years ears. So there's a definite thing going on here that I've got to try and dip in the bud before it gets too much worse because the self harm thing can be bad It didn't help Yup it did it did Do I know how bad it is yet. I don't have actually looked into Maria. Maria So I don't know if it's noticeable or not sure some of it is So yeah there's is that in then I lake totally went into the Borderline personality disorder thing where everybody sucked was bad and everybody was in on. It was all part of this massive trick which I'm GonNa be honest okay. I'm not sure if there is a massive trick or not. I'm not sure if everybody has the same same shit just doesn't nobody has the same shit I have. I'm sorry I'm sorry it just doesn't it doesn't happen like it does to meet other people. It's it's the best of the best in the most incredibly low of low. There's no there's very little middle ground. Let's just leave it there. Maybe there was middle ground but I rarely really gets hang out in middle. Ground is always one of the other for me or climbing falling one or the other so then decided that maybe he should take a bunch of pills which. I didn't actually really do our took my medication. I took a couple extra advan because I just did because you know what it it was that released. My fucking mind decided not to lose my mind too badly but I'm not okay. Let's just put it there. I'm not okay. This thing today was a wakeup call that I need to get back to talking about therapist and I need a little bit more structure. Should I have right now because things could have gone way wrong. Had I in one second decided that I wanted a handful appeal instead of saying no Things could have gone way different. I could be impatient right now. Could definitely be in the hospital detoxing. I could definitely be in some shit and I need to nip in the bud. I don't need another year like Today was to those kind of scary in upsetting and it's just. It was just so typical of how my life goes though. I mean the way it was kind of like a well. Who again with nobody coming to help in like this terrible fucking situation and help coming a came came but it came at a price? Could've scornful lot easier than it did. So this is just to let you on though that I'm still lake. I'm still struggling. I'm still fucking with my med. I'm taking them but I'm not taking taking them properly. I'm not exercising not eating correctly. I'm not I'm not. I'm not a whole lot of shit that I should be doing. And I'm starting to pay the price for a certain to become evident in time that I started. Take it serious again because I don't WanNa wind up in patient. Who knows this time I could wind end up with having to have a guardian ad or could have to have some kind of caregiver thing because I'm just like not doing simple shit that lake everyday people? Just take care of and I'm not doing it in it's not because I'm not doing Not Doing I'm not remembering to do it just like finding shit starting to happen again where I can't find my pills in the next day I'll wake up. It'll be right where I had looked hundred fucking times in. They weren't there. I don't know if it's hangs Christmas new years. Sure you know I've been having audible hallucinations. I've been hearing like music in the back. Doc In my head nonstop for days days. Sometimes it's lower than other time but the music is there so it's time to take a check in kind of like Not Going I'm not going to kind of check in but a self off check and try to try to rein this back in before goes much further. Yeah the new shower shit is definitely only cooking with my head Over my friends and take a shower shortly. which will help Theresa my head a lot? Anyway I just wanted to check in until going going to be honest and today was a bad day bad day. I didn't do anything to grievous but I still acted on my impulses which is is not what we're supposed to be doing or what I'm supposed to be doing anyway over supposed to do enough to act on those negative impulses not supposed to self harm or not supposed to self deprecate supposed to do that. Stuff in today failed miserably. I'm still human with a really wounded soul. I forgive everybody and I forgive myself. I just going to be on guard man. I just gotTa keep an eye out for our as Serena's to my podcast dancing with bipolar. And how `bout we all stay alive. Okay catchall later.

Home Depot Arizona bipolar Maria Teresa Theresa I lake Serena WanNa forty five minutes one second
Voice in Canada - Question: Is Whisper Mode Available in Canada?

Voice in Canada

02:11 min | 2 years ago

Voice in Canada - Question: Is Whisper Mode Available in Canada?

"Skills Hey there terry here with your flash briefing four Sunday and today as usual I lake to highlight questions from the community. This one comes from Tara styles from the facebook community and by the way if you are not in the facebook community you are of course welcome to join us at Okay L. E. X. Ray in Canada Dot C._A.. Slash community all right. Let's get to the question. The question is she writes any updates on It's a bit frustrating that one of the ads currently featured this on TV but you know it doesn't seem to be working here in Canada so there was quite a bit of discussion about this in in the <hes> in the facebook group and here's the bottom line. I just went into my APP my my LEXI APP to check this out and I do not have this option. Turn whisper mode. Now you can ask Lexi to whisper and you'll get a whispered response but that's not actually the same thing we're talking about a function that whenever you whisper to Lexi she will whisper. We're back to you. I do not have this function available to me. However we had a comment from someone else in the Community Ashley D who look on her mobile APP and found that she does have the option to turn on whisper mode under the lexi voice responses and she says she has is a Canadian account and it's set for English Canadian language so this makes me wonder if they are starting to roll this out in a gradual process. Sometimes Amazon does this. So I'm going to turn the tables a little bit and my question to you is do you have this feature basically to find it. You would go into your Lexi APP. You Click on the menu the hamburger icon you click on settings you click on Lexi account and then you will click on voice responses Lexi Lexi voice responses and see if you have more than one option there. I just have brief mode but I'm curious if you have whisper mode as well hit me up on twitter Dr Terry Fisher D._A._R._T.. F._I._S._H._e._R. is h. e. r. and let me know if you have this particularly. If you have a Canadian count set to Canadian English all right talk tomorrow brief

Lexi Lexi facebook Dr Terry Fisher I lake Canada Tara L. E. X. Ray Ashley D Amazon
Peter Schiff On Market Meltdown & Bitcoin Debate

The Trader Cobb Crypto Podcast

21:26 min | 3 years ago

Peter Schiff On Market Meltdown & Bitcoin Debate

"Today's episode is proudly brought to you by try to cubs the double bay dot com. Join up for the free biweekly video newsletter with myself my table. Keep you up to date on the moves that are in this crypto market. Now, if you wanna learn how to make money within the market goes up or down, go to try to call dot com. Now. Tried to call crypto show, talking business, influx Jane. Hello, everybody and welcome to the try to co crypto show. I've got with me and amazing guests very happy to have this guest hits that with a huge amount of experience, and we're going to cover some of that in this show today, a host of the pay the shift show or have paid shifts. Thank you so much being on the show that I paid. Thanks for having me on your show creek. No worries at all my pleasure. Look before we get started. Just like if you could give a bit of an introduction on yourself, you're going to yourself a lot more Justice than what I could ever do. So if you just want to let yourself introduce yourself to the listeners, that'd be fantastic. My I sure. I mean, my profession is asset management and banking. I have a broker dealer in the United States. I have an asset management company actually have an offshore Bank, both my offshore Bank and my asset management company are now based out of Puerto Rico. But prior to moving to Puerto Rico was living mainly in the northeast and Connecticut, and prior to that in cali-. But I kind of made a name for myself based on my rather vocal up predictions about the housing bubble and the financial crisis that we were headed to. And I was real, I guess, a fixture on cable television. You know. Financial television for four years or so. I was on every week, different news channels, talking about the bubble that I saw on the economy, blaming the Federal Reserve for keeping interest rates too low and for distorting the markets and blaming the government for guaranteeing mortgages and all the moral hazards. And I was warning about all the problems. And of course, in two thousand and eight, I was vindicated where a lot of the forecast from pretty much all the forecasts had come true and you know, so I rose to a degree of notoriety online. Somebody came up with a YouTube video which they call Peter Schiff was right, which at about two million views back when two million was a lot of us on YouTube because it was relatively young back in early two thousand nine. And so it was one of the top videos for a long time that was not a music video or something. But I wrote a couple of books few bestsellers. The first one was the real crash troupe had a profit for the come. The economic collapse that came out in February of two thousand and seven, and I followed up with some other books. And so you know, I- I- guarded a reputation and now I have a an online following as well. I have my own podcast Peter shift show, and I talk about all sorts of things. Not just the markets. I talk politics. I talk economics, things like that. Definitely a distinguished guest, for sure. I'll look for to your Brian on a few things you discussed Dow back in two thousand and seven, and you have indicated in two thousand. And of course the two thousand eight financial across that we did witness always in London time was probably the tone that made me try to the most because markets full quicker than like go up as we all very privy to now what some. I mean, we've seen these markets global market US Malcolm into US. Mark is the barometer of the global economy, so to speak still is the spot some what anyone else might think as palace shift. But I usually anything at the moment that's of major concern. She because we're not not foods a northwood tenth year that we've been more or less sort of on a bit of a bull run. What's concerning you at the moment? Is there any concern? Yeah, everything concerns me. I mean, first of all, from a trading perspective, I didn't actually make money on my positions in two thousand eight. I made money in two thousand and seven because I was short, the subprime market. We set up a hedge. Fund to short subprime mortgages and that particular trade worked out spectacularly well, but I also assumed that after the the financial crisis and after housing prices collapsed and we have this horrible recession I was or casting the worst recession since the great depression, double digit, unemployment, trillion dollar deficits. I assumed when I was making these forecasts that the result would be a big drop in the US dollar. I thought that the Federal Reserve was going to attempt to reflate the bubbles by slashing interest rates in printing even more money, which is exactly what they did, and I thought that would produce a dollar crisis. So I had a lot of goals stocks. I had a lot of foreign stocks thinking that the dollar would go down and gold would go up. Instead, the dollar went up and gold went down. So my stock or folio did not do nearly as well as my subprime bet. But what I think is going to happen next is that trade is going to conclude with. And even bigger dollar crisis than the one that I really thought was gonna follow the financial crisis. Because what I got wrong was that I thought that the Federal Reserve would try to reflate the bubbles, but that it would fail. What I didn't realize is that they would succeed and they actually made the real estate bubble and the stock market bubbles bigger than the ones that popped in two thousand one, two thousand and eight. And so as a result, all of the underlying structural problems that led me to accurately forecast that financial crisis have been exacerbated since the crisis. And so now I think the US academy is in far worse position than it was back then. And I think this next crisis is going to actually be a dollar crisis, a sovereign debt crisis. It's not gonna be mortgages that people are going to be worried about. It's going to be US treasury bonds, and this is a much bigger crisis. It has much broader implications worldwide, and I think the law. Uses that are going to be, you know that our people are going to be hit with, particularly the United States are going to be much greater. Even if the losses aren't nominal, it's going to be in real terms. It's going to be the the collapse in purchasing power of the US dollar that's going to impoverished. So many Americans will can admit to you. I was also on the wrong side of that Dila tried as well. We were cooling actually wrote a pace way back then cooled, the loss dash because when it shot up, we will missile from Gaza, I'll try to be little guy. We are waiting for our entry to short this because this is a short term pop, and we say this being sustained. So obvious the is well, the dollar index contracts and it just didn't eventuate just kept on holding and banging around and didn't really give us what we thought so I can. I can certainly sympathize with that. Try to show us. Yeah, and and the interesting thing, Craig and I talk to people about this a lot back when the two thousand and eight crisis hit the US dollar was at an all time record low in the summer of two thousand eight. The dollar index was barely. Holding the seventy handle and gold was at a thousand. It was an all time high. It had gone up from under three hundred. So before the financial crisis, everybody was short. The dollar in everybody was long gold oil member. Oil is one hundred forty one hundred fifty dollars a barrel. So people already, you know, were worried about the dollar and they were bidding up commodities and bidding up gold. And then when they got completely blindsided by the financial crisis, everybody reverse those traits, everybody rushed to buy dollars, sell gold. But today traders are in the opposite position. You have hedge funds short, bold for the first time since maybe two thousand and one. Everybody is long the dollar because they think the feds gonna keep raising interest rates and they think the US economy is in great shape. So this time nobody's worried and when the US economy slips into recession and when the fed has to reverse course and go back to zero, which they'll go. I think they're going to go back to zero very quickly. And when they have the launch QE four. Nobody is positioned for this. Everybody's going to try to rush to the other side and I think the dollars just going to implode. I think it's just going to fall through the floor. And I think goals gonna just go ballistic as I don't think there's going to be anybody who's going to want to sell old when this happens. Everybody's gonna wanna buy, but I don't think there'll be any goal for sale. So with this talk of this, I mean, this impending. Next move will recessional pullback. Oh GSA whatever you wanna call it. What do you think of going to be? Some of the signs of that we can keep our eyes out for because I've been watching it with with open eyes thinking I will something's coming because markets thank God forever. And you know, people say it'd be different this time. It's never different this time. It's always the Saimaa go, go down. It's what happens and it tends to be when when everybody says it's different this time that we're getting close since we've been going up for such a long time. What are some of the catalysts that you think will sale of been speaking to the number of different tribes and different desks? Mainly in the US. Sames from their point of your lot of the issues that have is with your later at the moment a you agreeing with that, or is that other things that you're looking for? The may be the triggers a when this was to occur, you would suggest that that may be a I lake on the ship. Well, I don't know that it's going to be that easy that you can just wait for some, you know, all clear and then you're gonna know exactly what's going to happen. I mean, this is a huge bubble. There are a number of pins that could prick it, and I don't know that you know exactly what it's going to be. I just think you have to understand the end game and just make sure that you're properly positioned. So then when it hits, you know, you're there because it's going to surprise everybody. But I also think what has to happen is, you know, people have to recognize, I don't know if they're waiting for the fed to acknowledge it, or people will figure it out. But look at the US economy. Look at the automobile sector were pretty much recession GM hit a new fifty two week low. Today. I mean, Ford is at a nine year low. A mini charts look horrible. So they're in bear markets. Look at all the home builder's. They're all in bear markets. Look at the housing supply, the supply of unsold new homes on the market right now is the highest since February of two thousand and nine. That was the depths of the great recession. And now we have as big an inventory overhang as we did then, and we're just getting started. So the housing market is rolling over the automobile market is rolling over the financials. Look, you know, Morgan Stanley hit a fifty two week low today. So the financials in general are not looking good. I think that the retailers are about to get killed again, you know. So, I mean, there's so many signs that the US economy is slowing down rather dramatically, and it's not really slowing down. It's just the Air's coming out of the bubble, but interest rates are gonna keep rising. I mean, Americans are broke. We have record amounts of debt and rates are going up. We have record student loans, credit card, debt auto loans, the US government. Is got more debt than ever were spending more money than ever last month in August the US governments spent four hundred forty billion dollars in a single month. The most it's ever spent in any month in history, including when we were at war or in a huge recession. The deficits are bigger than ever our trade deficits or hitting record. Highs are last trade deficit. We had a record high trade deficit with Europe, a record high trade deficit with with China, infected trade deficit, came out. The merchandise trade deficit was like seven percent bigger than estimates. I mean, I don't know how old you are, but I remember trading currencies in the nineteen eighties and people actually cared about the trade deficit back then and if we had a trade to have, so that came out at fourteen billion and they were looking for thirteen and a half billion. You know, the yen would be up to three hundred points. I mean, people actually paid attention to the trade deficits. Now, no one could care less, but these are record trade deficits that we have and the budget have such are going to be even bigger. If we're running these record budget deficits when the. Economy is growing. Imagine the size of the deficits during the next recession. It's certainly said a bit of a perfect storm isn't and the catalyst who knows what it will, babe, as you point quite Raleigh, that there is a lot of very concerning signs as soon as you scratch a little bit further onto the surface and he'll be more expectation understanding. So it's it's gonna be really interesting to watch. Now, one of the things some that I tried and at the moment as of come into trading a lot of the bitcoin and cryptocurrency markets as a try to we want volatility, right? So that's the sort of thing. I look for massive volatility in these markets. Now know you go to position or theory or view around these markets. And I mean bitcoin effectively was created as a middle finger to the global financial crisis. I take the control a wife from the people that clearly gradient, and you know, might some really bad decisions. Now, do you see, first of all, do you see if we do see another massive collapse and if it's a collapse based on trust, you know, the subprime mortgage I the banks did in the fact that they want held accountable. For the most part, no one really get any time. It was a relatively slap on the wrist for the individuals, some fines for the corporations. DC the Kuby, a move of money, transferring a wife from these having to trust assets into a trust Lewis assets, such as not just bitcoin, but crypto assets in general? Well, I think bitcoin is the ultimate trust asset because you have to trust at other people are going to want it. It doesn't have any intrinsic value into itself. It's just, you know, it's all based on faith. It's all it's all based on the theory that somebody else's gonna wanna buy it from you, even though it no actual value and they'll they'll buy it from you because they think somebody else will wanna buy it. It's all the greater fool theory. So I don't think these crypto, assets, currencies, whatever you wanna call them. I don't know that they're going to act as a safe haven when the stock market crashes. I mean, the crypto market might crash. I, it's hard to tell which you know which bubble is gonna burst I and they all might bursts simultaneously. But I think that. You're more likely to see if people are trying to move out of financial assets and and don't wanna own somebody else's liability. You're gonna see a movement into goal. The main goal is what people should be buying if they want to get out of FIA currencies, if they want to have something tangible in real, where they don't have the trust that somebody else is gonna pay them, you own an actual rare scarce commodity that has properties that have been valued for centuries if not Bolenga. And and so that's the monetary asset. That's you know that that's, you know, central banks hold gold as a reserve and they hold it for a reason. And you know, I think central banks are going to be buying more gold as they as the world starts losing confidence in the dollar and other Afia currencies. So I mean, if we talk about the uptake of actual cases with bitcoin, we'll just keep it a bitcoin to Austin. Simple instructs. The point in the most commonly discussed, look at Venezuela with a hot burnt flesh and what's going on. The seas devalue that's gone to its go onto the ground. But basically now you're talking about the Dollah having an implosion as well, potentially coming up in the next big move being something moving away from the dole therefore devaluing the dollar as well. So with that being the case and bay bitcoin being an asset class that is actually able to be spent is currency, however, you wanna put it is used as currency. So therefore, I, I know it's not a globally recognized like the Dullah. Wouldn't you say that as an opportunity for others for this market to grow as well? I mean, affectively we use a dull only for the same reasons that you know, we believe that somebody will use that dole take that dollar and accept that dull of the value that it is. One dollar is one dollar, but that will be processed accordingly against other currencies with bitcoin. It's exactly the same thing except that there is a limited supply. Well, it's not exactly the same thing in that you have a long history of the dollar being in circulation, you know how to relate prices in terms of dollars because you have a long history of use. And of course. You know the dollar used to be backed by gold and redeemable in gold. So it was a slow process to get people to accept dollars. If the dollar wasn't initially backed by gold, nobody would have accepted it. So you know, it took a long time for the dollar to lose its intrinsic value into become a Fiat currency. But you also forget that the dollar is legal, tender in the United States. All US citizens have to pay income taxes every year, and they have to pay those taxes in US dollars. So people need to accumulate dollars because they need to pay their income taxes because they don't want to go to jail. So you know, there is a, you know, a legitimate need for dollars a, but you know, bitcoin is not legal tender. It is not acceptable a by the IRS and payment of taxes, and people don't really use bitcoin as a currency. If somebody wants to buy something and they have bitcoin, they sell the bitcoin for whatever currency. The merchant was, you know, a lot of these websites like my. Own. I have a company called shift gold and people make a big deal. They say, we'll shift goal, you know, you accept bitcoin. And we, we have on our website that we take bitcoin, except we don't actually take bitcoin. We partner with this company called a bit pay, which is pretty much what every merchant does. And what bid pay does is it allows somebody who has bitcoin to sell the bitcoins to get dollars to use the dollars to buy gold from me. So I never see bitcoins. I never touched the bitcoin. I just get dollars and the person who has the bitcoin is actually completing a transaction to sell the bitcoin to buy dollars, take the dollars to buy gold. So the only way you see. Bitcoin being used as a medium of exchange resum is where you have to individuals. One who has bitcoin in one who wants bitcoin and they can trade amongst each other. But to to me, it's more like a barter system and that case where somebody is bartering their bitcoin for some other commodity because it's not really circulating worldwide and accepted as money, you know and it's certainly not a unit of account. It's not a store value or you don't know what bitcoin is going to be worth. I mean, bitcoin is at sixty five hundred dollars today. It could be five thousand tomorrow. It could be seven thousand tomorrow. I don't know what can it be? What is it going to be a year from now? It could be ten thousand or it could be a thousand. It could be lower. I mean, nobody knows. So I can't function as money where you have that kind of uncertainty as to what it may be worth. It may be worth nothing a Haig point. I really do. I guess the contradicting points of that would be from my point of view. It's the same as gold in a sense that I can't go to the shop and give them slob gold tight. My goal convert that to whatever won't wherever I am in the world, and then I can use that. So bitcoin can be a place. If if local global currencies decreasing in value, like hopper and flash in Venezuela has moved a lot into bitcoin and so's Turkey for the most part as well. Big surges into that spice. Of course, it's not a stable currency. We we're aware of that it's not a diet, I use currency. Well, I don't think it's a currency at all. I think it's an asset asset on a mask rating earn see, but okay. Well, asset, what I what I'm getting at is it's kind of if markets falling if falling, yes, there is still value within the spice where we know that there's a simple supply and demand play, and if more people, if more currency's devalued bitcoin as a place where people do move to, it's already happening. Oh, there's no question that people could move to it, but this possible that bitcoin could crash faster than these other assets. But you know, when you said bitcoin is like gold, it's nothing like gold. I mean, it's true that people aren't. It using gold as money today. Yeah, that's that was my representation as some similarity also in that spice. Yeah, right. But there is real demand for gold, right? There's always, you know, there's gold is used in jewelry. It's used in medicine. It's used in consumer electronics, it. There's a lot of real demand for gold, and you know, so that if you want to sell your gold, there are real buyers that will always need goal that are constantly using goal. That's not the case for bitcoin. You can you? There is no real demand for it. There's just speculative demand. There's people are buying because they're hoping that they can sell it or they're hoping that the price goes up. There isn't a real built in demand because it's not an actual commodity. Gold is a commodity and money, and that's, you know, that's what money is. It's the most liquid commodity. It's the commodity that's most easily exchanged for other quantities. Bitcoin is not a commodity. It's nothing. It was just created to try to be money, but it doesn't have the. The most important properties that that money needs to have. I mean, it has some of the properties that money has, but it doesn't have the most important property. The traded Cup. Crypto podcast is hosted by Craig called ultra courses. Products and tools can be found at Tradenkov dot com. Because experience met is.

United States Federal Reserve YouTube Craig cali cubs Connecticut Puerto Rico Peter Schiff Venezuela Europe Ford I lake
Triad Moms on the Mic - Talking To Our Kids About Race (Part 1)

Triad Moms on the Mic

49:27 min | 1 year ago

Triad Moms on the Mic - Talking To Our Kids About Race (Part 1)

"PODCAST. I'm Kelly and Coda I'm Lara and we are the. Hi everyone and welcome to try at MOM's on the Mike, the official podcasts of Triad Mom's on main for more information about the show and all things parenting. Make sure to check out triad MOM's on main website at www dot triad. Mom's on me dot com tried mom's on main has daily blogs a directory for practically everything. He sure to subscribe to the newsletter and this podcast, you never miss a thing. Welcome back everybody I'm here with is Laura de speaking and I'm here with Laura and Coda where missing Kelly today because of mom life always comes first. So how's everybody doing today? Good. Good. So today. We're going to be talking about something a little bit more serious than we normally talk about We're going to be chatting about talking to our children about race. The three of us are hosting the podcast today as white mothers. So we wanted to invite another team mom t member join us today WHO's a black mother to share our perspective. On this topic, we have Dinette Bailey with us today. She's GonNa on here in just a little bit, but just want to let you know that she'd be joining us So this is something that can sometimes be an uncomfortable conversation especially for white people. not always the typical conversation you have over dinner. It's one of those things that sometimes can get lumped in with politics and religion as Oh don't talk about that and commonplaces or it can be a bit touchy But as MOMS, as parents, kids notice differences at such a young age and it's something that if we don't talk about, that's where where the issues start. Court, we're doing them a disservice by not talking about the wonderful and the beautiful differences in the human race and as well as the complications that come along with that. Win You get into the real world. I as a younger mom kid of a younger I mean mom of a younger kid I've personally had to have these conversations yet my son Georgia's only one year old but it's something that I think we can start exposing our children to at a very young age. I know for us. Personally we try to. Have books the have diversity, and before Cova be around a lots of lots of diversity just in the places we visit and travel. I know. As a mom of a young child I underestimate what he can perceive at such a young age He picks up differences in in everything not just the way people look but you know shapes and colors and sounds so I sometimes forget how much he is learning. Already I'm interested in how you guys have kind of seen this in your children and how you approach with with older ones especially, Laura and I mean with Coda. You've made his two almost three. Right. So you guys might have to have dealt with this a little bit more. More recently than I have. So have you kind of approach this topic I'm super interested in hearing the next perspective. because I will. We definitely chose like a church and a friend group that would give us some diversity And I will totally confess as a white mom that I thought that was sufficient like I kind of thought that my kids would grow up like just accepting everybody I didn't anticipate the questions. If that makes sense. I just thought like, Hey, we have they are at Church on Sundays and Wednesdays, and every time we go with kids who do not look like them, and if they are play dates with friends who do not look like them. I really truly thought that that was going to be sufficient and so my my kids are now ten eight and five and my oldest started commenting on skin color at about three and the thing I would say is your kids are frank is a plank. They are going to be frank as a plank about all the uncomfortable stuff that like they're gonNa say it all the wrong ways they're going to say it loudly they're going to say it publicly and I really quickly found myself scrambling to friends and unlike is there something wrong with my kid like did somebody some babysitter something like why? I and it was honest questions like. Why is there skin dark and mine isn't and at one point one of my friends asked his one of my kids asked his precious little friend who's from Ethiopia. Why he didn't wash his skin better. And I almost choked on my waffle. and. My friend does mom like I'm one also to like jump in real fast and like react in a big way and I'm like we've got to put an end to this and she's like wait. And so I waited and I bet my tongue. And Theo looked at alliance said, that's just my skin color. It's darker than yours. It doesn't wash off and Eli was like, oh Okay. And that was it We had a conversation later. But like I would have made this in two, I mean a whole hot for Theo and for Eli, they were both three. and. They just resolved it just like over-complicated. So Yeah I. I do think maybe I don't know sometimes. In wanting to do the right thing. I have made things worse and like their conversations as children if we're raising them to be kind and accepting are going to be a lot better than. Mine if that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely and we haven't. Dealt with that quite yet either on major turn to in April so she hasn't. Quite come about the awareness of. Differences like that people are still people to her and. I guess for me I just think about how? I would react kind of in the same way that you are like, how do you? Explain it without overcomplicating may be the best way is to you know if she's the next generation to let. The other child kind of explain it. In that way you're not overcomplicating in later on bigger questions arise you can. Come to that level I guess I don't know where I had to deal with it and you know I was a teacher in. A second classroom in the classroom was not diverse. It was in a a rural community in. Had to to really deal with that are came from a very small town I went to A. Mountain college like. I guess. As adults Kinda feel like. Especially, in light it things that are being brought more chart a in the public eye you know. How do you? Face it how do you talk about it without? I'm trying to say, yeah, no I think we all know what you're struggling struggling to say struggling with So that's why we have a wonderful guest with us today to give us. Some more perspective I mean it's always good to have different ears different opinions, everything. So let's welcome to net to our triad mums on the Mike Hi didn't it makes her joining? Thank you guys for having me. Appreciate. It and I want to even commend you guys for. Taking the time to have this conversation because I totally understand that it's not an easy conversation to have so I, that's awesome that you're doing that and providing the other people to be able to just listen in on on your thoughts and perspectives because certainly other people are struggling with this on both sides we just want to make sure that we're telling our kids the right thing. Bright. And Know I. I would not dare say like I have the beginning and end but certainly I think that I could share a perspective with you. That would be helpful. I'm I'm a mom just like you guys I, have. Adult children who have who have in are serving in the military and I have teenage daughter I said which of being an early educator for over twenty five years and You know have worked with that zero through eight year old age group and I've done that in priests for preschool have done that for kindergarten in comeback add to preschool That's a whole other topic we won't get into but. So I'm saying I just mentioned say began at that zero through twenty five, a year old child I'm I'm right bear a in the midst of all of that and. I think you know just stereotypes bias like it's actually apart culture like I. I think that I would say to people is like take like don't. About what you don't know about making something that you've learned in your experience that you feel like is a stereotype or bias. Instead. Of like Harping on media shame of that like. celebrate the fact that you're in a space of wanting to learn more at I. Think if we could just race that shame part out of it then. We can have conversations where people don't feel like they might be on the attack or the tact who just like take that right out of it because when we all want to share our experiences and so that certainly not about attack thing someone for for not knowing it is part of the culture. There's actually earn a study done. It's called the race effects neuro imaging steady right and this is gonNA sound funny but it's very true in this study may talked about how? You have people everybody not like not Caucasian people not just like you know black people but they have difficulty. Faces from other races and so you've probably heard that. All black people look like all people likely that there's an actual study on this like this it's not again it's not something to be shamed out. There is actual city Boca's For this is exposure that's the cure, the cure for not be able to recognize basis of different races, it's just it's just exposure. So that whole formative years thing that whole zero to eight years old. The more that we expose our children to something that's different than blessed. Me will have like those embarrassing instances of will I thought that was my friend because they look the same. Does RIN instinctively. Make Patterns. That's how they learn the whole routines. The whole patterns like an Early Childhood we love that because we know that. Okay. Do is show them the pattern and then they're going to be able to learn this. The brain does not instinctively and that's why it will do that even regarding race. So I guess the the cure for that is it is an exposure. As some of you have expressed. You've already tried to do try to happier children in places where they're gonNA see people that look different from themselves I'm but probably like in early childhood will say is the most important thing to do is the key to to teach them that to show care about other people and It's so easy. I think we teach them for example, to show care for animals show care for nature I'm bill we have to actually on purpose teach them to show care for other people we have to to model that. We have to like ask questions you know, why do you think that Aura Earth tell me what you were thinking like it's okay. We need to hear that language and the conversation from his will be think that we make that we're gonNA teach them so pepper but they're teaching us and also early childhood we try to teach children accountability. So it's like, okay you know that a child did something wrong and we don't just scold. or or correct but say, why were you feeling that way? Okay and so and so you felt that way why? Okay. And so is that why you did such and such and then let them repeat out I. Did this because I was feeling that because I was feeling angry like weapon express with their emotions are with their feelings are about something or someone that's different from them so that there is an opportunity to speak about it. As opposed to don't that cassettes not nice. See that that or you know or that's not how we talk about people we don't want. We don't want to just tell them how to think or tell them to be nice because that's not actually helping them with their thinking. For example, I had a parent when my clients and she said, she just was very frank and she said to me she was having a party and she. Wanted me to come to her party in it was important to her because she didn't have any black friends and I said to her well, the fact that you would say that out loud like I'm really proud of you that you would just save at lake listen I need a black friend and I think I don't know anyone that would be offended. I don't have friends that whatever you know that enjoy these things that you enjoy and. I would like to get to know you better and it's important to me that. If you're able to commit to that because I want to learn I think That's a that's a good way to model for our children. If they actually see us not just being nice to someone who's different but actually happening some type of relationship committing to having some type of relationship in. That, are different than if it's every three months, we go to this event right here with people here in word about them. And they went about us. I think that's really important. That's more than the reading the book. You. Know that's I mean reading books is is very important, but again, our kids all the time. All the time watch what we do as opposed were of what we say and so if we're reading the books. On that that talk about having friends of different races or being nice to different people our kids never see us with anyone different from us. That's relief there they pay attention to that. I think that we see that in the classroom all the time like they pay attention to what they see us do all. If you're enjoying this podcast than I, hope you'll take just a quick second to hear about the folks that make it possible and that's the Ginther Group A triad real estate team with a vast local knowledge. Don't believe me here for yourself by listening to their real estate show right here on the triumph podcast network I'm not even in the market and I don't know what I'd do without an ally like Blake Ginther in the Ginther group they've helped me find. Plumber a Roofer, and even help my family save hundreds each month when we refinanced our home now imagine how they can help you are in the market they can help you get started with an evaluation to list and market your home. So if you're thinking of buying or selling in the triad called the ginther group at three, six, two, eight, three, eighty, six, eighty, nine or find them online at the GINTHER GROUP DOT com. Now back to the show I have a question for you Is there anything that well intentioned white people say to their kids that you are like Oh please stop Yes. Okay. Exactly. What is an I hear the answer that? Big eared. Frontino. Man, which is the whole idea of colorblind is like. I teach my children to. Look at color. Is a no no, that is not again we're talking to children so that I mean that would be like saying I teach my children not to look at the APP so much sugar that we don't eat cupcakes and I mentioned cupcakes because I love them you can. Just like craziness to say. You know I teach my children to pay attention to call a colors. Great. preschooler wants I'm still friends with her family. And she wrote up, we were outside and her mom had some kids in the carpenter. Something had happened with them, and so she jumped out of the car and she said. Spain dismissing what am I have my black friends with today Graduate. And I said you do let me meet them and so the kids got out the car and just I did happen to know he's kids when he jumped out of the car and so I said. I happen to know. All my goodness you guys are friends, and so she went on to tell me and and so I told I like a unique hugged him on like this is no big deal. This little girl is is was the most precious little girl in very aware of race so comfortable with it he spent the night with me at my family she ate dinner. We were normal. like it was normal to her so much so that she could say have looked at my black friends because she recognizes that they don't look like her and so what she's saying to me is just in case you don't now. which is basically saying just in case it you don't know I have some black currants. They don't look like me not I have some black friends because they're black I have some friends that don't look like me. What look I have some friends and I brought them to meet you. That's what she was saying. She's like I said very comfortable. The most precious little girl berry conscious. No, we don't look alike, but I love you and I count them my friends. That's that's awesome. We should not be embarrassed when our kids say, Oh, this is why Blandford my Lake Link. Them saying I have friends that don't look like me and we are still great friends like we saw all these things in common even though we don't look look alike, you should meet my friends. So I think that we should not teach our children that whole colorblind likely don't color sure. We see colored Oh. This is this is your friend. John Tell me about him, I senior John Your friend John. He's Asian what you would have learned about he is hit in his family. Like, you know make that part of Dislike Waco we learnt we like to learn about people that are different from us. Oh, your front here he's different from this would've you learned about him. So don't make your friend. Your children think that. So it sounds like I. My imbera cement is probably making me shutdown conversations instead of embrace them. So we definitely had an incident where he like again three early lie why is everyone in the restaurant dark-skinned? Word of choice, and again you know he has one volume and it's loud. And I. I in my response was like Shush Shush and in reality in my estimate. Like our people like people are not thinking maybe the way that I'm thinking like I want to crawl into a hole and maybe I should be saying, yeah why why do you? What are you thinking about that that run? What are you thinking about that because really when when a child points out something to us because they're so observant and their words are just so truth which is like working with them is that they're really saying. Well I'm in some other places and I don't get to see people look different from me, and now I'm here and there so many home what's going on? Usually. Just around. This people who looks like this now you run into this place and everyone was like this like. My environment is changing what's happening and so really. Might be a cry for like to be around more people that look different from me. I would like or like not to be shocked I would like to be able to go places and not go to this one place and everyone looks one way. And then I don't know when I go into this building is going to be just one group of people. It's you know what I mean like. They're saying something different than we are seeing as adults because. They thinking parents they haven't developed all the stereotypes. They haven't developed biases and they really really are more interested in who likes when I lake, who will ride bike with me who will play with me as opposed to who looks different from me. I guess actually what you were saying about making a point to. Expose them to more differences instead of just reading the book like places and. You know like you said so they're more interested in who wants to play with me than the differences, but at the same time kind of going back to a couple of weeks ago that you need to. Help them recognize the differences that still love that person for the differences not. For any other reason you know it's the only come home modeling let the but the part that stays with him after the formative US teenage years when you have teenagers that develop stereotypes in an and to adulthood or the adult struggles you know at me evening you sleeping you're like Oh. Gosh. That's the thing that I said the thing that I did could have been. A little bit racist. BAT IF WE GO AHEAD AND Get into that in the formative years then that struggle. Many, have in adulthood won't happen because you would have had that modeling early it should be, for example, on number for a child of one race to see someone else when different race actually come in the House and see. You know what I mean not just that I've only seen black people who everything's I've only see black people who servings in a restaurant. I've only seen black people who do something of service I've never actually seen my parents sit in, have a conversation with a black person or with the version or do something fun with the Black Person. So black people are only who do things of service they're not people that. you know our extra some I've never had a black teachers never actually doing anything that they would see a value because think about it at some point kids even united mumps say they're not valued because kids like, did you wash equality typically dinners you start to feel like made. So imagine then if if children, that's what they see when they see black people, APP service that you're serving them, they're not people to value. They're not people to have to have conversations with a math why? That modeling is so important that you expose them like I said, you know have have you ever had a black person in your car and you? Oh, come on to ride quick I mean that it's a it seems Su minute but that is something three-year-old pays attention to certainly I've had a black person been in my car giving him a ride. You know we sat down and had you know cupcake with your? I mean those normal mountain I don't think they're big deal to kiss. Yeah. So that's what I would say. I. Would say don't be ashamed to say I exceed and you know what I don't actually have friends of Color I'm looking prince. Are you willing. To be a person that learns more about me I learned about you and yeah, that little interesting that you mention that because I feel like children can also help their parents grow and that's what I've been noticing raising George. Oh, I'm trying to eat better so that he sees better I'm trying to do this better so that he does this veteran. We talk about it a lot. The peanut. APP. Sean. I am making a plea to try to diversify my friend group and one way of doing that is the peanut APP finding me. that I wouldn't necessarily have reached out to or even ran run into and that's something that I personally need to get better at because I. Want my son to be better it So that's good that. I and I get nervous do M I. I don't want to just I don't I just needed diversify my friend group that's all I'm trying to say there, and my friend is making me do that because I want to be a better example for him Try doing that for yourself you are doing that for here because he's been a CEO in an also those moms that you're connecting with. You know he's going to have a friend in their kid, right? Yeah. Than, we were. We're talking a lot about younger children, Kelly mentioned Kelley hosts a few order children and she was talking about how her older girls are are really kind of. Trying to work hard with all everything, going on and want to go to the protests and all those things. So she was kind of curious your opinion or some advice on how do you support and encourage your child's activism wire also concerned for their safety like with Kovic going on right now and with distrust and all that kind of thing how do you kind of approach that in a an way that you're supporting Ma'am without holding them back? So for me, as I stated, I also have adult children. And cry. Frankly. I would consider myself more on the conservative side. And so bad they are at either adults or soon to be adult in empty, you want them to gain independence and not. Be People of course. You tell them what to do. So, of course then. Mice Dances I. Give You my opinion and I certainly welcome your perspective you Tommy why you're doing what you're doing, and then after that, what I speak on his safety. Is You know what I mean I speak on on keeping yourself safe. I'd for for my dollar almost adult children personally I don't speak on whether or not I agree with their stance because I want them to be sure I. Want to find out for themselves. Is this something they believe if this is this something they want on the recital one too Jessica tell them that they should believe what I believe instead I say. On to my children well have you talked to an attorney about This in this thing that you are interested in doing please remember that I won't be the. Billion you out of jail for instance Destino. Just my now it's not that I won't support you know why you may have gotten there but just. Won't be use my funds for that so so so I suggested that an and so the reason why I take that perspective is because to me that's an across the board perspective I want you to always. Diligently search in seek out a real information before you act off of the motion, and so while you might believe in something and the long run is this beneficial to you if you get an arrest record, will you will you be able to get this job over here? Will you need to spend funds getting mad expunge and I just WANNA bring that up? To them more. So again, because children are black and so this would be a more of an issue for them in terms of getting the jobs separate conversation. But so so these are think things that I will bring up to them though you your safety if you understand your rights but how will that affect you later and are you willing to possibly give up something you were one later because you? So we believe this now. So for me I try to then give ideas of our activism. In my opinion might be more useful even though they may not be. A younger younger generations and children. That I work with you know more looking for the everybody's looking for a more immediate gratification right and so those things that that take longer may not give that immediate gratification buffer knee. I've given my children example spray example if if these things are important, for example, if education is really important to you, are you volunteering in the title one schools because the title one schools are full of children of Color, who will statistic me be on time be used more better helping that now saying that you couldn't use of your time for this other activism that you like. But when you look back over the next ten years, what will you be able to say was was something that actually happened we know tangible can see and so. How would it making feel if? At the end of the year, you knew tutor ten students and who were the leading level, and now they're at reading level and a title one school. Were if you had extra funds, you know, how did you help someone that may have not been able to pay on time and you thought they were. In jail walk who did you contribute to that? So for me looking forward tangible things that these that you say, you care about, where was your time in your money towards those things because for me if you were only marching in the streets But. You have not used any time for those things that could immediately help someone like tutoring and the title one white giving money to someone who you think has as being prosecuted wrongfully I'll be on. That does not have money to do things in the children both not be cared for. About right if I want to see some of those things done too because if venue should be arrested at least, you could go to the judgment those things I try to give them that perspective in terms of activism. Bet For me again, activism is not just those things that Right look back on it and can say we marched I. Just want to see some changeable things right now I know that they can do them. I know that these young people Can. Do Them I just imagined when I see the crowds of people processing. Wow would have all those people gave one hour week to detail. One school could happen in the title one school they all gave one hour we that's just my. Yeah and that actually leads into what? I was GONNA ask next was Kelly was asking about how we can. Be antiracist we can help our children and it sounds like all of those are wonderful examples of ways that you can tangibly go and help instead of. Certified. Sir The an and there are those people that you know maybe their feet on the ground marching. You know that that is helpful. But for so many you know when we think about, how can we be? You if you are a boss or manager or supervisor and you, how can you create a work environment where people do not feel that they are discriminatory discriminated against at a workplace? Can you make people feel like their voice is as valuable as the other voice as a teacher having worked in a couple of schools I've been decisions for example, and I know these teachers were not doing it on purpose but there is a child only lying on the floor and they're paying attention that they're lying on the floor Lynch listening to Brooke. And most of the children are sitting up as we have been taught. If you're not Joe, you know you want the hit is set up and listen and I have been in a classroom where there's a white. Male child lying on the floor and the black male child lying in the floor and the teacher tells the blackmail child to sit up. And doesn't say anything to the white mill child and like I said I'm observing them in the room. I know they're not like that me be racist today. It's it's bias in stereotypes that. Even if it's for the good, they might take themselves. So let me help this young black boy who who will be seen as not paying attention. If someone walks in and sees hemline on Laura Listening, I'll tell him to sit up but I won't. Be the. All the kids see it is what happens all the kids see it and so what happens All the kids. See It is the thing that I call in early childhood, we have the state has. Of course, there's no corporal punishment and so we use time out. Now, I personally don't use time I use redirection. But time out is for the child's move away from the situation. So because they're doing something wrong what I have noticed. Doing this over twenty five years is that when a teacher? Be, other children, viewing seed that child as bad and please don't let that child go time out more than once in that week I, mean, you know this is how the other children are seeing. This must be the badge out 'cause they're always in time out, and so they develop a bias against the child at the teacher didn't even realize was occurring because she's just trying to separate the child from whatever it is they're doing and that's the way we do it now use time out. I find redirection better because we use language, we can talk about what the problem was. You can make a decision if you need to move yourself or you realize you're Erin you're ready to. Do the right thing or maybe just you need to do an activity together again that's so that's not a timeout but when the children see it. They develop a bias in designed that child is bad that carries it doesn't just stop at three years old in preschool. It doesn't just like, okay. They're the bad ones in preschool when you get to first grade and fifth grade and seventh grade and eighth grade and college, you start to continue to believe the same thing all the the kids in the black boys were always the ones getting paid us being the troublemakers and that continues and. That's really interesting. That makes a lot of sense something that I didn't really think of before. Certainly Anna I mean, it's not to have gone about it. We I mean is so awesome. Now there we're talking about this if the protests have done anything any good I think it's forced US Akasa dumping then have board so. They're in school, but again, in terms of like how we can have some tangible meaning to the now and how he can help arch children in the next generation now is it's going to be talking about those things is going to be not. Letting ourselves be shamed about it. Not Thinking that it's shameful. There's no person of color that's that's thinking that it Schaffel. that. A Caucasian person wants to learn or wants to do better or worse can I didn't. Shitting, in this this, we're all learning together. We're all learning to get all wanting to do better together. So I think reaching shame out of it. I I feel like a red at one of the. One of you ladies were asking about the police. and. In relation to the activism, just like how we can get make sure that children may be respectful of lease authority. Say That you know the one thing about the police issue that is is is hard for people to to see again. Is is the history and so. Even, though it's twenty twenty. Memories are race because we live in a new day. This lake will we're doing with our preschoolers I mean you can have moved on from something and your. Will be like because when? I. Mean like the Mary's don't get raised in so. Many. Why people have experienced? If they haven't their present life some negative inequality. Really remember that are remember is when you've had family members that. May Be called the police and? For something that is that the beliefs really shouldn't have been called for. We know that now people will say, well, that's really not something that should have been called for that's who everyone called and so when there's a fight or a disagreement. Between people in the family may call police what what children's song was usually the the. Man being taken away. Like they were just having an argument now he's gone and what happened. You wasn't just gone for the night though. So what happens now it costs money to get him out now across attorneys and they're sitting in jail for something that if the same instance that happened in way family like they would have gotten out of jail explain it would have been done. Or? The next day and it would have been done, and so you have all these instances where people are like, wow, I remember my grandfather was taken in by the police I remember they. You know were mean to him and put him in the police car. You have all that memory and all of that distress and so when you have now is lots of black people saying, well, Anakin allied to my child in. Should Be Happy to see someone that in our family police have only been a negative. So walk needs to happen in that. Respect because because. Just like other groups. You know there's other issues where people say you know what we want move on from this we want this to be better. I'm sure the police department wants the same thing, but it would be the responsibility of the police departments. To, change that perspective so is not it wouldn't be the responsibility of of a glad axel green guys like it would be the smell of the police department to to to come in to the schools to come into the churches to come into communities. Blow. Some bubbles with the kids have some moment. The kids show them that they're there to to to protect them and to make sure that their city is safe in that. They love kids that you know it. I would dare want to be police department but if that were that would be like my initial like you gotta get out here in the community and show these people why you're here in that. This is a different force than what their grandparents in their aunts and uncles tell them about goose. That's very well said because elementary curriculum in social studies, they're talk they talk about community helpers and. Everything that you just said I can just think back to when I was teaching community helpers and never. Thought to make Abou How some of those kids. Don't police officers that way in especially again in light of what's going on in, it's at the forefront of the media right now. Not every kid sees a police officer as a community helper inertia there they because they're in some really crappy incident mine on and. It's not okay in the kids need to know that and. It's one of those questions of how do you. Teach them. They do need to trust. Those community helpers, but at the same time be cautious. How do you do that? Right? Right, and like I said that that would be the police departments. That she be an initiative that they take on I really believe that they should seriously take on that initiative to making sure that community at whole bit especially, the children everything starts with them, and so I mean we may have a generation of of people say stressing. But if we focus our attention on the children and and having bat relationship with them in. A right. Now, we've had a situation where the police officers there in the school they're there to discipline. You know they're there to be seen as a force someone to fear so that you do the right thing and and I mean. Nothing should we start off with the the the foundation being fear the foundation being you do the right thing because you figure these consequences as opposed to you do the right thing because it's an eight Carter of you help. Me To make yourself a better person. So work from there and Ben Down you know depending on what issues you may have in life that you know at the lowest issue the lowest lowest you have mental instability essential that we would have to start from the fear but that should not be where we start. We should always start from you have this innate abilities To be the best person you can be into help your community the best that you can be, and that's why police officers are here. Officer was be the best that we can be into police officers are here to show us that it's Cool. Nice to wander into to respect community and to help though doors. To, say, how can I help you? That's what that's what police officers should do. That's the. Aspiration anytime. I have heard a young child saying that he want to be a police officer in I have asked them why they always say because I want to help people. Always. And serve. Right is there model? Yeah I say it in a few months had a lot of conversations with friends and I am floored at how many of my friends of color have had heroin experiences of being pulled over and even If the outcome was okay and maybe even like the intention wasn't bad like the very real fear. Because they know somebody for him. The outcome wasn't good like I just don't not something I can really fully wrap my mind around because it wasn't my experience, but it is so so prevalent as you start listening you start understanding. More of like where people are coming from. So and there was a Priscilla. Relator Her Dad Tony Evans is a pretty prominent preacher actually, and she videotapes him talking about being pulled over in maybe in his twenties I sure. I'd say he's probably seventy now. Any was that one shook me because I. Look up to him as such like I mean A. Religiously his really worthy of respect and to hear him talk about being treated that way. Why are you in this neighborhood? Why are you driving this car? He was actually like. Driving this clients children around and he thought he was going to die. And not just I know it gave me a whole time of perspective. I'll feel like I have to raise my boys. With those conversations that makes sense. Yeah I think if we think in terms of like at the end so the. The. Whole. Re respect. Each Other we live together. We learn how to have fun together. I think. That is a very end piece. I think that will really really help is that if if if Caucasian people can can say to themselves me Or people of color having equality people of color being respected is not going to take anything away from me because I think. That whole. Certainly supremacist that supremacy attitude already is that means that we have less but I think the stereotypes and the racist things that come up that people don't realize they have. The deep seated. Issue is really that fear that in happening I'm going to have less or if you are seen as an equal, does that mean that there will be less opportunity for meat? and. I think that's something that has to be done away with certainly on those that are spiritual have faith on would be able to to recognize you know God is for everyone and as an enough for everyone and when you have that. Is Not because there's anything taken from me. It's that he has enough for everyone, but even those that are may not participate as an. Eighth. If we're idea that that lie that if if these people. Are Different from me half. That I will have less if that is erased, racism cannot live because racism limps on that lie that in order for me to keep what I have these people over here cannot have anything less have less. It's so interesting everything that you were just saying loops back to what you said at the very beginning I mean, all of this starts with modeling and exposure and showing your children the right way to act and treat people and empathy cheat treating your children empathy I mean all of this of this stems from that and it's just so. So imperative that we try to instill those values in our in our children for for all mean meanings of their life not just how they treat people are not like treat people who look differently so but this has been so interesting and I feel like we have so much that we we could still talk about so dinette do you think he would be willing to come back? So we? Can continue talking and apart to certainly, I'd be very happy to that would be wonderful and I think it'd be really interesting to I. Know We have a lot of questions but maybe some of our listeners could send us some questions or things that they're struggling with with their children or some opinions or really anything that they have to add or would like to know from from any other. MOMS here, dinette specifically. So if anyone wants to send us some questions for this part to when we'd love to hear from everyone but Dinette, thank you so much for coming in and joining us today and we're looking forward to to chat with you again. Thank you guys for having me. I'm very appreciative and I just really commend you guys for having this conversation. So thank you. That's going. To be about it for us today if you have a show I, you want to chat with us. We'd love to hear from you shoot us an email at triad. Mom's on the Mike at Ci Mail Dot. com don't forget to check out the tread mom's on made website at www dot tread monzon main dot com, and make sure to subscribe to this podcast. Thanks so much they well, everyone by. Hey thanks for listening to this episode on the Triad podcast network. Our mission is simple provide information advice and stories about the people in places that make the North Carolina try. It's such a great place to be. You can find us by searching Triad podcast network on Apple podcasts spotify pretty much wherever you like to listen if you like what you heard and want to support the show in those, that contribute would truly appreciate a rating and review on your favorite podcast APP it help spread the word along as your shares on social media. You can find us on facebook twitter Instagram at Triad podcast to get in touch with US simply email INFO at triad podcast dot com. Thanks for listening. Triad podcast network.

Kelly officer Black Person Theo Eli frank attorney Ethiopia Laura Dinette Bailey Ginther Group Cova Georgia Mike Laura de US John Your I lake Lara Spain
Charged 3+: Plea Bargaining

Slate Presents: Standoff | What Happened at Ruby Ridge?

09:15 min | 2 years ago

Charged 3+: Plea Bargaining

"I'm Emily Basilan. What you're about to hear as a teaser for a bonus episode of charged. It's available for slate. Plus members only sleep plus members get an extra episode of charged every week as well as ad versions of all of slates podcasts, including the political gab fest. My other show and slow burn. You can become a member now. And listen to this full episode by sliding up for sleep plus at slate dot com slash charged. It's just thirty five dollars for the first year. Thanks for listening. Hi, this is Emily Basilan back with you. I lake plus this week. I wanna talk more about Libor. Getting with Adam Adam is to be a prosecutor in Boston, and he gave a couple of years ago that went viral because he was talking about all the power he had as a prosecutor, especially over plea bargaining since then Adam left, the DA's office to sound and become the president of prosecutor impact. A really interesting organization that trains prosecutors across the country. So I wanted to back up and make sure to just pick up a month. And you said earlier, so you said one of the reasons that you were interested in working in the criminal Justice system. Eventually as a prosecutor was that you don't often see people who look like you or have your background in those roles. So tell me what you look like. And what your background is. So I'm in Africa Latino male really really long dreads beard tattoos and the whole nine I was born in foreign country and violent impoverished neighborhood. I j. Jay in Columbia in one thousand nine hundred. So not a great time. You know, like not a great honor to be there. But spent some time in an orphanage, and then I was adopted and grew up sort of like on this other side of America that people who look like me typically don't get to experience, and so bringing that dichotomy to an office where I grew up with a police officer for a father, and I also like saw these young people so myself young people in the community. It was a it was an interesting skill set to bring to bear prosecutor's office. My interesting that I knew I'm so glad I asked and what where did you grow up? Exactly, I grew up in a little more defunct mill town called pepper, Massachusetts, right outside of law. All right. So you come to Boston. You decide you're going to switch over which is like a whole thing culturally. Right. Talk to me about that a little bit because like people on the defense side, right? Like people often want you dentist either as defender, or as a prosecutor again, like the message that you get in law school is if you want to be caught a fed if you wanna get trial experience, go this way. But if you care about people and things and black people Gobi defender, and I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. Definitely and sort of develop like this bitter hatred for prosecutors and the system, and you know, my my peer group was the those folks and the people that I spend time around professionally where those folks, and so when I made the decision to go the DA's office there was a lot of like hand wringing and apologies being had. And and you know, a lot of my mentors are like what are you what? And we should say your way ahead of the curve on this like. Ten years ahead of the curve. I mean now, I can see it with my law students that they are starting to think about this possibility. But like this is ten years ago. More. So I I went into law school at two thousand five okay? So more like, I don't know anyone in my cohort, and you're younger than me. But like, I imagined that you were doing something that other people were not doing right? And it it wasn't like anything special about me. I just again, I think it was the reinforcement of that message that in my my willingness to sort of like. Burn that bridge. Just be like you don't understand why I'm doing this. Then then we weren't that close to begin with. But you're right speaking in law schools now in sort of like thinking about what keeps me optimistic about this movement is people going into law school now have mass incarceration on their lips. They talk about racial equity. They know glaringly what the problems are in like even in two thousand five we didn't maybe we knew. But we didn't talk about it in law school. See you decided to go into the Jay's office in Suffolk County spas yesterday. And was it hard to get hired. Like, what did they think? No. You know, I I hadn't ever put in any time there. I didn't intern. I wasn't a legacy. My I didn't play hockey with like the other kids. So it was interesting except that I worked with a lot of young prosecutors during my time to the defenders clinic guy had a relationship. It's on the more senior prosecutors through working for the defense or any of that that I didn't law school, and you know, it's not like a lot of people color. Flooding DA's offices to get hired. So I took advantage of that as well. Knowing like, you, you know, like kinda need me. So. And were they like come on over to our side. Yeah. Yeah. It was a celebratory higher for them. I'd like to think because I was I was a good lawyer and and had developed some bit of reputation with them. But I know that there some sort of like, yes, we have young black dreaded prosecutor in our in our neighborhood now. So that's him. Okay. So you start off sometimes beginning prosecutors are called baby prosecutors, right? And like, what was your training lake with regard to plea bargaining, and I'm gonna define plea bargaining. I'm just going to define the term is when you know, you someone's charged with crime, and you're getting to decide usually it depends on how the statutes written. But for some crimes prosecutors have a lot of choices about what kind of offer to make almost everybody. Does plea bargain if they're going to be convicted, right? There's like in a lot of places about a third of people have the charges dismissed, but of the remaining two-thirds something like ninety five ninety eight percent of people do not go to trial. They take an offer. And so this is like a huge part of how the system functions keeps going. So what did they teach you about plea bargaining the question, and I love the framing of the question because most of my training was spent on like how to do the robotic things around being a trial where? And it was so interesting that we spent so much time on that. When our job was vastly different. It was it was it was plea bargaining what I was trained on pre bargaining was that existed that it was the fairest way to get to a resolution of a case that it was accountability we use that word a lot around plea bargaining. And then like ask your supervisor was sort of the meat of the training was do. What's right? If you have a question her supervisor. And is that satisfactory like what is do? What's right mean in that context? I think it's like one of the biggest problems. There's no northstar of what's right? There were some prosecutors who thought that like two years and the house correction was appropriate. For domestic. Yeah. I like, we'll we'll say something like domestic violence, or you know, like dealing crack cocaine. Those are probably the most prevalent sort of cases that we saw come through other than all the other garbage like traffic and insurance those those sorts of things that you see coming through our neighborhood courts. And then you'd have prosecutors who would think like probation is a good resolution, huge difference, huge difference. So some folks think that that's good to have sort of a diversity of opinions. But from a sociological standpoint from a psychological standpoint, it's really difficult to follow rules and to be law abiding when it depends on who standing in the courtroom that is going to determine your feet and does anybody ever talk about what the desired outcome is. And whether the two years in jail achieves it more successfully than probation like what measure of success or failure is the DA's office using. What measure are we using that suggest that we're like collecting the shooting for something? And we're not. Obviously, you know, a conviction some resolution of the case not because we like we enjoy checking them off on the wall or something like that. But because we have been sold this idea that a conviction is accountability. Like, we're like, okay. That's good. That's that's one good outcome victim safety again in our minds is a is an outcome that we strive for. But we never talked. You know, like the victim is a immune stone ended and they get to have their victim impact statement. But actually like asking them to feel safe not just six weeks after the trial or the plea. But you know, a year two years is that have we made that person savers that neighborhoods safer is that family more intact. Those are the sort of metrics that we say that we achieve by doing this really like transactional thing. To listen to the full episode sign up for slate. Plus at slate dot com slash charged.

prosecutor DA Boston Emily Basilan Jay I lake Adam Adam Africa Massachusetts fed supervisor hockey America intern officer Columbia crack cocaine Suffolk County
013: Building Your Personal Brand Empire ft. Haley Hoffman Smith (Her Big Idea)

TIFFANY

35:51 min | 1 year ago

013: Building Your Personal Brand Empire ft. Haley Hoffman Smith (Her Big Idea)

"One one do get me to. Know the stories. They're true. Tiffany and you? You're listening to tiffany and to the PODCAST. This is tiffany you. On this episode I'm joined by Haley Hoffman Smith author of her big idea, which was recently named one of the top twenty books to read during lockdown to inspire and Change Your Life. Haley's work is all around inspiring people to step into the biggest version of themselves so during this time when everyone is creating content online. We're GONNA be chatting with Haley about finding your authentic voice, sharing that message with the world's and aligning what you're doing with who you are. Hi Everyone, tiffany here and you're tuning into tiffany and you today. I have with me Haley Hoffman Smith. I really. High at home, so Haley and I met because. She was writing a book while she was still a student at Brown University called her big idea. which was focused on creativity, ideation innovation for women. You and I had a telephone conversation. How many years ago was that? Oh Gosh I. Guess Two. Two years ago the book came out to much fanfare. top-three bestseller and women and business named must read by the Tory Burch Foundation. Would love to hear more about all of the things. They are working on these days. Sure, yeah. I was so honored to meet you throughout book writing process so inspired by your story that was part of the best part of writing. The book was getting to me all the women dreamers. It's inspiring. Female entrepreneurs am so excited to be hearing your podcast so I've had a busy few years since I graduated college I graduated, may twenty eighteen ends after I graduated in the book came out, which was like literally three weeks after my graduation day, I started a speaking tour for the buck, so book was called herbage deal I called the speaking tour. Your big idea in my intention was to inspire a thousand new big ideas or action on big ideas and the twenty team to twenty nineteen school year for college students, so I started speaking for my first time, I went from being someone who was standing up in front of. Academic advisors my senior year with my hands shaky and reading the paper by senior presentation. Getting the bravery to stand in front of audiences of three hundred students said, inspire them to offer their big ideas, because that's what I feel like my purpose in life, helping people go after their ideas, desires, and believing that they are given to them for a reason. Then I was working. I start up which I loved was a great experience, but I ultimately felt call to do my own thing, especially, because speaking was picking up and I was studying lash line with a lash. Lash. Company called her big Lash because I love false is says so I broke off and did my own thing, and since then it's definitely a developmental phase of learning what I really like. What really lights me on fire and I've settled at least for this phase in my life, and to helping entrepreneurs and creators NPR and also helping them get exposure creditability, not only from press, but from personal branding from speaking on social media in the way that I've learned to do so. I've been busy for sure I know you mentioned it briefly, but you and I met through a group called dreamers and doers. It's a group founded by a Geisha. To help create more women lead ventures, which is very in line with your mission statement as well so all include links to that, and then these days you actually do run your own facebook. Community called big exposure tied to all of the work. You're doing around helping get more exposure for women entrepreneurs. Yes, and you didn't even mention you have this awesome email list and a podcast, so there's way more to the brand. there. I wanted to just dig into. What was your own journey of honing in on what your personal brand is just one to hear? Hear how you went about doing that with all the writing. You're doing speaking about entrepreneurship. Her big lashed. How does it all fit together? Yeah, that's a great question and I always like to tell people that personal brand isn't something that you sit down and like Crete and strategize. It's not like you get with a whiteboard and you're like. What should my personal brand be I think? It's rather an expression of who you already are, but may be packaged in a more thoughtful way, so at first it was really accidental. I really loved the word big. Didn't know why I honestly don't know if it was from sex in the city where she calls them related big the I've always been drawn that word, and it's also funny. I work for the ent practitioner. And she said once she didn't even know she doesn't know any of my business stuff. We just like me. A subconscious programming studying. She's like you when I think of you. You I. Always think of the word big, and it's just my word. I think he was big. Lives have big ideas. Go after big dreams like step into the bigger version of ourselves, so I really just use that word to guide the naming of my book, but there was also another element to that, so I was researching Brown from my honors thesis. Why few women receive VC? VC, funding and I was on a call with this managing partner from one of the big prestigious VC firms I won't say which one and I basically asked him. Why is it that two percent of VC spending went to female founders last year in two thousand seventeen at the time, and he said that women simply don't come up with ideas that necessity millions of dollars funding I. I eat. They don't come up with big enough ideas, so that's why I called her big idea. And then it just became you know big went beyond just Oh, an idea that needs millions of dollars in funding to sometimes a big idea to you is like smaller than what I think is idea to them, but it's big hugh because it gets you out of your comfort. Comfort Zone in the pursuit of it, and then the lash company when that happens. There's a cool story about I won't get into the whole story, but it's it might had talk. If someone wants look at my talk but I was basically offered to start my unlash lane through lash company when I was at a speaking engagement, and then I thought I should totally name it her. Her big last, because it's her big idea and the lashes early big and bold and I usually wear really big and bold makeup, and then, of course, the herberger idea fund was related, and that just big. Just Kinda took on a life of its own as far as may business, stuff, big exposure, big PR, but as far as my own personal brand is like Haley Hoffman. Hoffman Smith I think that your personal brand comes down to two elements, the first of which is that purpose part so for my purposes like helping people step into that big version of themselves, but the personality and personality is more lethal so to speak like personalities. What makes people stay? 'cause a lot of people will share your purpose and I have always been really out there. There I've always been very on social media. Sharing who I am sharing parts of my life, and I just found that there are a little aspects of myself that stuck with people when it was now what I call the baked potato principle where I posted about how much I love big retain one night, and now everybody sends me pictures of each potatoes. Blake leaned into that. It sounds so weird like this is where I would never strategize out for myself, but it was very authentic, because like favorite food, a school actually posted a picture of baked potatoes to announce that was communist. Speak like it's gotten kind of out of here. But I think out when you're in complete unencumbered off the Dick Expression of who you are, and you're sharing bits of your personality like that. Even if you don't think it's going to be relevant, other people like people can tell that you're showing up to them unless intimate and vulnerable way, even if it's funny, things like baked potatoes. Bet that's what makes people feel like they know you. Which is why I think I've been able to inspire and connect with people beyond who I've met in per, said it just because I show up like that on social media, and then I also bring in my purpose so heavily with this very branded big part. Of all the different businesses initiatives. I love it. Fun Fact You and I have actually never. Thinking that as Senate, it's wild I feel like I, know you. I know and I wanted you to come this podcast more selfishly for my own learning as well part of how I built. My own brand is through leading with vulnerability I actually didn't know about the potatoes by my gosh. Even give a personal branding. Talk and I had this whole page of screen shots of. People said he'd be baked potatoes Baked potato related things that I that I shared my slides. What I think is so important is the fact that all of us have a brand that were building no matter how small or big it is, and we are influential. Whatever circles were in and so I wanted to get your top three suggestions for our listeners who might be just starting to think about building their personal brand for sure so I'd say the first part is. His given that my second part is going to be all about going out there and just getting exposure invisibility. You can't do that second part without the first, which is building a really sticky brand and the way that you do that is a bit of what I had already said about just like sharing who you authentically are, and that makes some people a little bit uncomfortable because that doesn't mean you're gonNA have to be. On social media or in any type of content that you create, but that vulnerability is what makes people trust you because it says I'm showing up as who I am I'm not trying to sugarcoat anything or be something I'm off or be like look I've got this all figured out. I am a person just like you adjust. Extra time once said in her. Her course called MIC DRP workshop, which is out, speaking and I learned so much about speaking from taking that course before I started a speaking tour that the audience will go as deep with you as you go with them, so that's just stage, but I've taken that same principle to whenever I write an article or whenever I do podcast episode I want. Want people to know even though it seems from the outset and from reading my bio that I have a lot of things figured out in that I've accomplished a lot. I'm a person just like you had to overcome a lot of limiting beliefs I'm still coping with a lot of them and every person. Has that one thing like for me? It's big, but. But big is kind of like counterpart to me feeling small for most of my life up until a certain weight so I think it's I identifying your core wounds. What is the number one thing that you've had to work through in your life? That's been a huge theme for you for as long as you can remember. Maybe it's attached to memory maybe. But. What is it that you have decided? Your life is about overcoming, because usually, that's what you're trying to help. Other people do. I talked with a lot of people through May. Speaking coaching program who they share their own story, and then I also their mission is, and it's always a mere image what they want to help other people with even if they haven't fully gotten to it. It themselves or solve it for themselves is some element of their own corwin. Are that core theme? At first it just takes a lot of like self exploration, and it can be messy at first. You don't have to have that all figured out before you start posting. Things are sharing your story. Figure out your brand as you go along, and your brand also evolves because no persons. You're my brand has evolved so much. The past two years I figured out what I lake. What I don't like I. Put out a bunch of things that I was like I. Think now it's this, but you know now it's only else I wanted to be a personal brain consultant for a while now I'm like. I can talk to it, but I don't think it's what I WANNA do for work, so allow yourself to be messy invulnerable as you're showing up like that, but you really have to explore those vulnerable parts of yourself in y you help other people based off your own story in order to have that stickiness or that vulnerability or that levels connection with people who have otherwise never met you. Try to create that relationship with them. These strangers as you would. If you sat down for a glass of wine with someone who began as a stranger, but you guys shared so much intimacy about your own stories or your own life loss affi that you walk away from that meeting. Feeling completely different about that. We've all had those really great soul transforming conversations with people. How can you show up? Take that first step with emission absolutely back in twenty sixteen I attended a leadership conference called Hive, and it was a three day conference where the first day you spend thinking about issues that were happening in the world the second day you spent. Spent really honing in on your own personal story, and then the third day you looked at how to marry those two together, and you would come up with your own personal purpose statement, and so I thought that was a really great way, if it's hard for you to tap into that vulnerability space to look for different conferences or different workshops that help you tap into that aspect of your story, and there was something that we did on our first day, and it was called my defining moment, and each person in our small group was given seven minutes to share a story around what they thought that defining moment was in their life. If it's hard to tap into that space another exercise that I found really powerful for me. It's an artifact based exercise where you pick something from your past, and you pick something from your present, and you share it in a small group so. Five Hive, and then this artifact exercise, both really great opportunities for me. The Arctic liked it because it brought me on the journey to say okay. Here's something that. Pass, but here's where I am with it now I wanNA take a break here and then we'll come to your to other hips after the break. Yes thanks Haley. I've been using anchor to record these podcast episodes I want to include a little bit about why first of all it's totally free, and they have all these creation tools that have allowed me to record and edit this podcast right from my phone and computer. Anchors, even helped me distribute my podcast so now you can hear this episode across spotify. Apple! podcast Google podcasts pretty much reverend. You get your podcasts. If you've always wanted to start a podcast, download the free anchor, APP or go to Anchor Dot FM to get started. Hi Everyone. It's Tiffany here I'm. We're back with Haley Hoffman? Smith she's a speaker founder of your big PR author of her big idea and she was just sharing tips about how to build your own personal brand, and our first tip was really tapping into in showing your own vulnerability. So once you've done that type of south exploration work which again I really want to reiterate you don't have to have it all figured out at first, and you will go through more life, experiences or self realization that will get you closer to that, but when you feel like you've had a good starting point there, something you WanNa. Share than the second stop is just going after visibility as much as you can and I say as much as you can. Because a lot of it is not going to be paid, and it's going to be a lot of busy work, so that means. As many podcasts, as you can, starting a blog or writing for a place like thrive, global, or for medium, where you don't have to get approved to rate there, but you're building up portfolios talking about your message when you're getting in front of audiences, and speaking for free, or sometimes as I did when I started, my speaking tore investing money to get out there in the first place, investing money and travel in ended up in the red, but going out and getting on those seizures and starting those relationships with the people who were in the audience so exposure exposure exposure as much as you can. Can cultivating a social media strategy, but again when I say strategy, I also want to make it clear that if it's choose strategic and not too vulnerable enough, and you're not really leading with your heart, and what feels good to post I? Think people can feel strategy. They can feel when something has been perfectly. Manicured are manufactured in a certain way a so one trick for me as I never schedule Instagram post I post when I feel like it and I. Keep Obliga-. Consistent track of posting maybe three to five times a week, but I make sure I have a quote for one picture in. In picture for my personal life is the next cool grid, and then I don't plan with. The Post is going to be ahead of time. When I decide to post is because I feel like I. Feel like I should post right now. And then I post what I want to. I usually write the captured in the moment. Even though if you look at my instagram, my captions are really long, and it seems like I thought the mall in lake had a big creative session ahead of time, or if I have had one of those creative sessions I. Only Post what I'm feeling. Residents within the. The moment because I think people can feel that type of like organic beecher to it so I use that same sense of like leading from the intuition of what I want to create and put out there for everything that I do when I feel inspired to record a podcast episode for big conversations, my podcast or write something narrate for entrepreneur I lead from that place of what feels good to create right now because I also believe there's a lot of channeling that goes on when we create, and that will lead you to the right people at the right moments that visibility above all. I I love that to your your first suggestion vulnerability doing that inner work is just so important for yourself period. Not Not even to build a brand just to better understand your own narrative, and how that thing that happened in your life impacts the Lens through which you see the world, so just something good for anyone to do, and then I loved a lot of things about your second suggestion around building visibility. I think we all have this idea that were going to post something on Instagram or write a book, and then all of a sudden. We're GONNA be booking tons of paid speaking engagements, and so I just loved that they're all these different facets to how you build your brand to right because to your point around. There are some people who don't really know what to write about just yet. They're not quite sure what their voices, but you're still posting on instagram. And I. Think what I have found is by sharing really personal aspects of Mice Alvin where I am on my own journey, it does resonate with other people in terms of press and speaking press in itself is its own game right? You're either pitching. Yourself or people are coming to. They have stories. What's a good way to go about getting more press? Yes. I I would say that you need to have a really clear understanding of why you deserve press in the moment and I'm not saying like Oh. Not deserve press if you have something bigly. He raised a million dollars. What is unique about your story? That People WanNa hear right now and I think that's the hardest part for people because they're like elbowing if I just send out a blurb on what I'm. I'm doing and try to get press for what I'm doing at the moment, and that's great, but what is it about what you're doing? That is going to change lives, or what is surprising statistic that you're basing your work in trying to think through a really click worthy line because we live in the world's where people have their goldfish attention, spans and journalists know this journalists themselves have a goldfish attention span when. When it comes to their emails where they're getting pitches, and also their twitter boxes, so I always say use twitter, because going back to the goldfish thing, twitter is so much easier because I send a quick message when I working on behalf of a client or pitchy myself away, say here's headline the headlines Really Click Worthy, really interesting, intriguing, and as to work through an angle. Everybody has an angle. It's not like. Like you either have a story or Dole just how you're positioning in the story, and then I say if you're interested, can email you the rest of the pitch, and then if they say yes, which oftentimes they do, because it's just like quick and easy on. They're like Oh. Yeah, that sounds interesting, and it's easy enough for me to say yes, and reply, then I e mail them based off the emily. Emily gave me which is sometimes different from their tech crunch email, or whatever it is, the most people find them through, and I'm put in the subject line fall at from twitter, so they know they've already established contact with me I. Don't have to come up with a snappy subject line now. Because subject lines for Cody Moser so hard and then I already feel like I have sort of their relationships I, don't. Don't mind like nagging if I need to and following up because it's like I, will you said you're interested? According to twitter, and here's the rest of the pitch that article, so faxon easy way to establish contact with them if they're strangers to, but in general a lot of PR building relationships with different journalists and contributors, and being like what type of content are you looking for and seeing how you can? Can help them more generally speaking with whatever it is, friendships and relationships are the spice of life. Because then if you'd you have your own story, you have a book coming out and you can pitch it to them. They'll be more open to it for one because you already have that relationship, or they can refer you to someone else be like. England might not work for me right now, but I have her. Her for you, too, so go for long game press in general because president just about happy one PR season where you get a ton of feature as all these publications, the net stat press should really be something that's continuously happening, because it's perk of your credibility over time as opposed to. If you go all the same features in the same month, and then you haven't gone features in three years, it's like. It looks like they just hired a press person for. Few months who landed them all that, but haven't been visible enough sets. Press needs to have the sense of the journalists saw what you were doing. And they thought that that was amazing, and so they naturally picked up the press, which may or may not be true, but it has to have a general sense when someone googles your name or your company. There is a lot of different pieces over time. Show that you've consistently been credible. Consistently shown up had been visible, and he's consistently been doing really cool things unless of course, a big launch coming up. Yeah I love that, so my old life was investment. Banking and networking is a big part of how you get your first investment banking internship, and everyone always really dreads it and I would always tell people don't think of it as networking think of it as building relationships, because it's not just right then and there of meeting in that you're going to get that job or get that press piece. It's true dropping those little seeds or like. Hey came across this thing. This article might be interesting to you or Leno. This is interesting. An article came out and sean the land around dating during Corona. I just have a couple of quotes there about my own experience I shared it on link. Dan and I attitude and say this. Is it normally what I'm sharing? But dating is part of my life right now, and if I think of the broader message for a lot of us who have disabilities. Many of us are decentralized, so you're disabled. How could you WANNA be in a relationship? or how could you have desire for human connection when so I? I just wanted to share that because it's like this, this is part of my life and part of my reality now, but I also know there is a larger message of so many of us who have disabilities kind of dehumanized or discounted of our desire for that aspects just to to that really quickly I think it's important that you connected that part because that is part of your brandon diverse ability. One thing that I'll tell people to do is. Do something like through Harrow where somebody asks for something like care recommendation that's going to go in cosmopolitan, and then putting it on their website for their company that they've been featured in Cosmopolitan ed, because then if somebody goes and looks up, and it's about your skincare recommendation, and not at all about your business, or what the services that you're selling, it looks like you used it to further your business and your business credibility when it's not at all released at. You didn't get the press for that reason so there has been places I've been featured like us. News and World Report where I've never told anybody that I've never publicized that because they interviewed me about a liberal arts degree. Degree from an Ivy League school that has nothing to do with the work that I do in the world or my personal brand whatsoever, so even though that's a huge name I don't put it on anything because I think that's. It's about building trust because people do wanNA. Go check it out and look it up. And it's I would honestly only use harrow in those things for something that's connected immediately to your personal brand, or if you're doing it for from a visibility standpoint, but there's something that feels a bit dishonest, even though it's not if you're adding to your business page that you've been featured in these places in, it's not actually for your business. Does that make sense? Yeah I think that's where the line gets kind of fuzzy around. Okay, you have your business brand, but you also have your personal brand, and how intertwined are the two of those together, and is it possible for your personal brand to do more so for example most of the press that I got when I first started diversity was around the side, hustle generation, but there was this part of using the side Hustle Angle as a way to let people know about what I was working on. Yeah, I think that's good. It's more the part about when. When you're speaking about something that you could prefer. Speak About because you sort of have a piece of advice, but it's not at all related to the grander scope of your personal brand like using skin-care example I don't know that that's what keeps my head, but that has nothing to do with my general brand of being big and stepping into a bigger life, unless somehow the angle was about skin, confidence or something, so in that case it can kind of dilute your personal brand whereas yours, that Kinda makes sense because a better all yours became. Power people and versatility inside like it kind of makes more sense rather than if you commented on the best type of place to find a bikini. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's how you validate it for yourself, but you just take it again from the standpoint of somebody who if they were gonNA hire you if they're gonNA, buy your book or listen to your podcasts are invested new in some way. If they were going to stock each piece of press that you said that your future dead and look up the publication and your name, what is it that they'd find and what contribute or detract from your personal brand? So that's just like the number one. One? Little caveat to things like hero, etc, and Herro for our listeners is help a reporter out. It's like an email list where reporters are looking for different sources so I tip is really around tapping into your own vulnerability. Second tip is around increasing your visibility. Here's what's your third tip for building. A personal of the third is creating a service or product that people need that helps them get closer to what it is that you stay on for so for me. It's like okay stepping into a bigger life and then. then. My service aspect excetera it's been changing, did personal and consulting for a while, but now it's like my speaking coaching program where I help people, speaking tours or my exposure group, which is totally free, but it's not evergreen products, so people only can come in and smaller cohorts and I. Give them tips on how to get exposure to step into their bigger life, or even my book would be another product along those lines, and then it's using those different products and services to get even more press because it's related. Related to your personal brand, and using them to get more visibility, so it's kind of like. I'm almost created a pyramid for you of the baseline is to understand what it is that you are serving people for what it is that you stand for the second. Is You climb up the ladder by getting more visibility for it as yourself and the third is, you've further validate. Give credibility to your personal brand by offering real tangible products and services that help people reach what it is that you your personal mission stands for? I love. It always look at every piece of content that I put out. The one thing I think about is is in line with my voice, so that's a big part of the visibility as well as like. You'll know it's in line with your brand. If you feel, you know one hundred, a thousand percent confident that you're putting it out there or whatever quote you give to the reporter for that piece of press. Yeah, another thing along the line just to make this point. Really really salient is the hint of dishonesty. Dishonesty from this point comes with you know you're trying to show people that you're an expert at something. So therefore they buy products or services from you or hire you to comment. Speak about something and so when they're going to tell their business partner or pitch whoever they get funding from about you and they say like oh well. This person's been featured in this SMS for this. It seems like it's four that, but then you look it up and it's not about that. It just again could detract from your credibility. I'm driving home the same point, but that's a misconception about press. doesn't necessarily shoot them in the foot, but it makes people kind of raise an eyebrow, because Preston general, a lot of like awards or things that you can get in entrepreneurship Brown can be really inauthentic, and the whole part of a personal brand is to be as authentic as possible so in that. That case it's honestly better to instead have like twenty articles on media related to what it is that you do what you stand for as opposed to like being able to say that you're featured in one publication. Even if you have been, but if it didn't have anything to do with what it is that you're selling or what it is that you see four. Yeah and I love that. We're having this conversation because I think also recognizing that it'll shift depending on how your own story shifts later onto, but that's that's a hard thing, though right is because your brand can shift, and that's absolutely, and as long as I think again going back to leave the authenticity of the brand peace lake, a lot of my own brand, but just use myself as an example is like when I first got started on entrepreneurship I started a girls' literacy nonprofit, then had this other women's empowerment startup related to that of Prophet in. That's not really related to what I do now. Of course, it's like semi related, but. But I owned my story as a whole so generally. Your personal brand doesn't have to be a perfect match for what it is that you're doing right now, but it should encapsulate your story and your story. Shouldn't we ended and that's why that's why. After urged people, it's okay if you're showing messy right now, and you're not doing what you're ultimately going to be doing. As long as you're getting out there and you're still driven by the central mission, because even what you're doing right now, it's still going to be part of your story one day even if you go in a completely different direction, but how can you make things right now? I love that in one of my past jobs, I was a recruiter, and I do a lot of resume review for people who had been through career changes who are really struggling around pedal craft their story. That story is always there. There's always some threat in there. which is you so even if the resume or the story has all these different puzzle pieces? They are not quite sure how they go together. There is a way that you can craft it so that there is some kind of line, yes. I love all of those tips. A lot of the tips you mentioned are things that can be done digitally so curious to hear how you're using this time. How would you use others to use this time? I think now is just a really good time to double down on the strategy behind where you're ultimately going in the long term so for me I really been using it to take some courses that I've bought purchase them, but I haven't had time to actually go through them and I'm also taking quiet time to I feel like everybody on some level needed the reset. Boarded the privilege right now of the reset button, but for those of us who are truly on liquor reset and we can't leave the house. Just ask yourself. Where did you need stillness right now? I've been really reflecting using this time to think through where I'm going. And where I came from the past few months have been like I realized I really dead need. A kind of like resets reprioritisation in so take that as you will. I know are all in different places in our careers. What we're building, but I'd really use the time to get more intimate with yourself before you can be vulnerable with others. You gotta be vulnerable with yourself, so so, what are things that? That, you've been struggling with our beneath the surface, a little bit that I've been nagging at you. What are the books in the courses that you've been putting off her? While that? You're ready to dive into three connected with yourself in that case, but a general for tips for people who WanNa get started on this personal branding and stuff and addition to the self-reflection. I would spend a Lotta time buildings, so build out your website. If you already have a website, what can you add to it? How can you make it really clear that you have the service aspect to your website when people show up in their? Like what is this person do is their message about. About what you help with get intentional on social media about connecting with people who are either your target, consumer or people who are like you, so you can build out those relationships because everybody is holding on their phones on their emails. It's a good time to connect with people and just like. Take out a sheet of paper Whiteboard in strategize, but you want the next six months to one year to six years to look like for yourself and to do that. I would really take a step away from a lot of extra influences I've been trying to not be on my phone as much easier said than done, but I'm working on it really get quiet with. With myself, which is something we're not afforded. Usually usually we have meetings all day or even if we do have a day where we're working in building and quieter offices, dinner plans at night so I'm trying to think as much as I can from my own personal time being locked at home and I think everybody has lead take from it I just love this message of of. It's okay to be gentle with yourself, so it's okay to lay low. It's okay to take care and tend to what you need to take care of. My hope is that I can carry more of these lessons with me when we move into the next chapter of what this looks like. And knowing that it's going to serve that larger purpose designed just like this huge inconvenience. One of my friends told me it's like pressing pause. We can press play again, but I almost wonder if it's like not even pressing pause. It's just that necessary. Or hibernation before something greater. Beautiful. Where can people find you online if they WANNA to learn more about your on instagram? It's just Healy Hoffman Smith and Post everything that ever happens, so you can also request to join facebook group I'll probably open up again here in a few weeks, so big exposure abney on facebook. A So my newsletter is called. The Hustle spelled H. S.. T. l. e. like my initials, so I share a resource of the week I share an. To make you laugh and smile some Song Recommendations in a hassle typically too, so you can subscribe on my website Healy Often Smith DOT com. So I, sent out every Monday, and then my podcast they conversations you can subscribe on Itunes, and that comes out every Tuesday. I just wanted to close by saying I am just so impressed with everything that you are. I have loved watching you. Build your empire and learn so many things, and it's a great thing for me to watch you soar and be there cheering you on as well. Thanks for listening to this episode of Tiffany and do this. Is Your host Tiffany you? If you enjoy this conversation, please leave us a rating and write us a review over APP. Apple podcasts. It allows these conversations and these episodes to be discovered by other podcasts listeners. I'm hoping that we can co create something here. That's valuable for you. So to the extent that you have feedback or other topics you'd like us to explore. Don't hesitate to reach out. You can find us at Tiffany, dot com slash podcast. And a special shoutout to route hub for our opening and closing podcast medleys. We released episodes weekly so I hope you'll join us next week for the next episode. Tiffany and This son died and none of them come and soon. Special Rendezvous. Tiffany and you.

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Put Your Phone Down

Stupid Genius with Emma Chamberlain

51:58 min | 1 year ago

Put Your Phone Down

"I ramble. Hi guys welcome back to anything goes. How are you? All I'm actually in a really good head space right now. Oh my God what? Like what the? Fuck Is going on. EMMA'S NOT Recording the day after a full panic attack like this is insane my anxiety has been great I've been doing really good And I actually think I know why and so I'm GonNa get into that in today's episode. Just. Kind of this journey I've had over the past week. That's ended up leading me to less anxiety so I'll get into that later but first I want to talk about a dream. I, had last night because they think it's fucking funny. So. Basically last I've been having vivid dreams. Okay. I don't know what it means. and. There's like specific people in every time they're not reoccurring dreams, but it's like. It's weird. I'M NOT WANNA remember my dreams but recently, I've been having them all the time and there's actually a study that came out that said that. Nobody cares about your dreams like biologically like our brains cannot get excited about a dream because it didn't really happen so like your brain literally cannot care about dreams. So I'm not going to tell you about my dreams because. Literally Science told me that no one cares about them. Kind of true like I feel like. If somebody tells me their dream like what do I do with that at all it didn't actually happen. And I didn't experience it. Is supposed to care about it. Anyway. That's really true but. I did have a dream last night that I got cheated on. And I've never had a dream like that and I woke up this morning. And I was fucking livid. I I was livid. About it. And I literally texted this person and I was like You cheated on me and my dream. And like I'm actually mad at you a little bit because the thing that's crazy about it is that I had to like see the whole thing in my dream, but yet it like didn't actually happen but it still traumatized me. So anyway, I genuinely was angry at this person for probably like five minutes but like I once I woke up I was literally mad. Like as if they had done it and it took me a second to realize away didn't actually do do the. So, anyway I don't know why that but like I'm still like. It's weird. I would dreams if something fucked up happens like, yes it was a dream and all, but you feel that emotion still it almost. Shows you what it would feel like if that actually happened, you know like in my dream, I was like fucking screaming and so mad. And it was I actually lived that like I didn't. But like I did you know. So it's weird. It's weird when that happens but anyway I've had so many dreams like Dolly people. You know getting hurt or me getting hurt or something, and then like the next morning I'm fucking a rack because I just lived that but no one else dead in your dislike in your own thing speaking of dreaming I've been seeing all these take talks about all this stuff about dreaming with other people and you can like enter the astral plane and like join other dreams of other people I don't know what the fuck that means. Bite basically some people say that you can meet up with other people in your dreams. Anyway I hope I didn't accidentally meet up with the prisoner cheated on me and my dream On the astral plane I really praying that that didn't happen but. I think you have to set that up or something. To make that happen. So I'm feeling pretty hopeful that this was just my own imagination still angry about it though. Okay so. Moving on. To other things. So basically. I. Have, barely been on my phone for the past week And it's just because I was really busy and I think I hadn't been busy in a really long time because you know quarantine were locked in. I mean. Ninety percent of the time and I'm at home. You know what? I mean. So I have a lot of time to go on my phone and there's only so many things you can do in a day I'm you know I try to work out try to cook here there you know whatever but then like. At a certain point I'm I'm laying in bed on take talk on my heating pad lake that's my resting position all time so been on my phone a lot, but things are starting to pick back up. And so I've actually been busy For example, it was my friend's birthday. Olivia Reverend Olivia's birthday. She turned twenty one. and. So we did little activities for her birthday and stuff like that, which was really great. Super Distracting wasn't on my phone, the whole time and then. After that. I did shoot for three days each day was like. Ten to twelve hours. For this little project thing that I'm doing. I can't I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about it. You guys will see it eventually it's not. I hate when people are like or do this project but I mean, I did so whatever. But I was on the set, it's a movie Lug ad that's Spoiler did not do a movie I will and I will never do a movie ever. So anyway, I was on the set for literally ten to twelve hours a day so I was not On my phone like I literally couldn't be on my phone like I had no brakes like I mean I'd have little breaks but I mean, I was like focusing on eating. Drinking my coffee and like talking to my parents or my friends, I was going on social media so. I barely went. On social media at all for for about five days and when I tell you guys. That I've never felt better. Eight is not an understatement like I truly have never felt better i. I didn't realize it until today. When I was like done shooting and like today I'm like I have kind of day. So I can do whatever I want like buying Zaidi is just down like I have no anxiety right now I mean, obviously anxieties always kind in the back of my throat in a way that's how life is but it's barely there I'm barely anxious. I feel so calm like you know when you're anxious in your chest, feels all tight and like your body feels all tight whatever that is gone for me and I almost live in that state constantly I'm con I'm almost always anxious. So to feel none of it is insane and honestly I think it's because I haven't been going on my fucking phone I mean, don't get me wrong I'm texting people. Calling people I'm watching cooking videos and stuff like that. But I'm not going on twitter and I'm not going on instagram and it's been really. Really Amazing I mean seriously in this I think that this was a huge learning lesson not to mention even before this kind of week of No phone. I. was also like I started going to the beach a lot more in like. You know swimming in the ocean a lot more. and. Honestly like what it's done for me as I mean. It's been so amazing. I really really encourage you guys to to do something I. Don't go on your phone for a little bit I normally I know people say that all the time and I get it. But I just feel so passionate about it right now because I just. Got Off of a week of like going on it, and now now I don't even want to go on it anymore. I mean I definitely have a severe addiction to my phone. Don't get me wrong like I do but. I feel like i. kind of broke it this week and I also realized that everything that goes on on the Internet. Yes. Don't get me wrong like. It. Is a part of my life and everybody's life and it definitely is in a sense real life but it also. Is Not as. It's not as big of a deal as it seems when you're on it all the time I just. Got This feeling in my head that like. The Internet was like. The End. All be all like this is like everything that happens on the Internet is a big deal. Everything that somebody says about me is a big deal. It's so easy to fall into that when you're on it all the time and you don't have a life outside of it but like the life. We all could have in can have in do have outside of our phones is actually so much better and it really. Helps and then when you have to go back on your phone, you're in such a stronger mindset to deal with it deal with all the punches that. are thrown out you and so. I. Don't know. I mean I know that. This is white noise people fucking say this all the time like. My parents are always like am I swear to God, your anxiety would be so much better you just. Got Off your phone. and. I would listen to them, but I was also. I do what I like. You know what I mean. So then. I dislike wouldn't lie listen but I like. I wouldn't put it into action like I would always be like I would almost not humor them because that's kind of like not. That's not what I'm saying but I would. I wouldn't do it. I'd be like, yeah, you're right but then I wouldn't do it. Will now I'm like fuck that. I'M NOT GONNA go on my phone as much anymore permanently it's almost like. Changing an element of your lifestyle if you're like. Okay, I'm going to star Exercising a little bit more and that's a goal for you. Right? Because that's something that you know will make you feel really good and it will keep you healthy and happy it Sarah in then it becomes a goal for you. My new goal like that is getting the fuck off my phone and not going on it as much. I don't WanNa read through things anymore I don't WanNa read through twitter I don't want to go on take talk and read through comments like I don't WanNa. See that right now because that shit makes me really anxious and so I'm ready to just Kinda like enjoy social media the good parts of it, which is posting seeing a few nights comments here and there seeing if you nice tweets and stuff like that and then going off of it and I know that that may seem like Not Smart for me because they go Emma, you know social media is like what you do or whatever I don't care. Like this shit is not good for my brain. And when I'm not on it, I'm a lot better of a person and. My whole entire life is going to improve from that so. That's that also working is going to be easier for me like you know if I'm going on my phone all the time I just get so drained mentally that when it's time to turn on a camera, just like bombed because I've been on my phone too much and I'm thinking about shit too much and I start to forget about what's really important which is like. You know loving people and like being passionate about what I do in life you know what I mean and that's it. So yeah down with that topic but decide to share. Thank you to all birds for sponsoring this episode of anything goes I've been feeling really good. Recently something I did today literally this morning was gopher run because it gets me off my damn phone. And gets my body moving and it makes me feel good even though I kinda hate running but like it's fine I, I hate it but I love it I love hate with it. One thing that I think I've realized over the past few months is that we all need to be looking out for each other in the things that we care about especially the planet and that's why I love birds all birds is on a mission to leave. The planet in better shape than they found it, and that's why they've come out with the new tree Dasher. The world's first performance running shoe made from premium natural materials. I wore them on my run today very comfortable amazing shoe eucalyptus fiber, and Merino wool deliver superior comfort and flexibility. While they're sugar cane sweet foam souls are optimized for maximum cushioning energy return instability. You'll be at your best every single mile the new Aubert's Tree Dasher is truly a. Sustainable running shoe built for performance with low environmental impact. So you can run hard and tread light on the planet with the Dasher. No matter who crosses the finish line first, we all win I really like these shoes i. mean they're great because they're simple. They match any workout outfit for me, which is a huge plus because I'm very very into matching outfits like I liked the whole thing to match leg it's almost a normal outfit hopefully, I'm. Not, the only one who does that but they're also really comfortable and I have really high arches on my feet and I feel like the shoes support my perfectly and comfortably without any added insole or anything they're just perfect I use these for running all the time I'm obsessed with them. They're so comfortable with the new Auburn's treat Asher feel confident knowing that you can run hard tread late on the planet find your pair at Auburn Dot com today. Okay, believe that we're back. Sometimes you have to. Sometimes drink your coffee and things happen. You know what I mean. You guys get it. I also realized something. So I was shooting this project for the past three days. So it was three days of shooting every day. For like ten twelve hours and I have quickly realized that I never. Would ever even if it was my passion be an actor. Okay. I even if I was like the best, even if for some reason I'm not spoiler but. Being on set is not something that I think is for me I, am not good at working for a long time like I need a lot of breaks. When I'm in front of a camera, you know what? I mean. I can't be in front of a camera for a long time and that's something that I did this past few days and like I, just get burnt out for some reason. Which is why I think Youtube is so perfect for me because I just can't like I. It's up to me you know my own director, my own producer and on my own videography. So like it's all up to me and like I get to choose like you know what? I'm Kinda tired right. Now I'm GonNa filmon and our like. There's so much flexibility in that. and. When you're an actor there's none of it. So like I learned that shit real quick I mean don't get me wrong I, love filming this project and I'm really excited about it but I also now know that I will never be an actor. So if any were you know be wondering oh I wonder if Emma's ever GonNa try to be an actor I. Know I've Said Multiple Times before that I would never do that but now you know for sure it is not going to happen and I never would so yeah, another thing I want to talk about his tiktok shutting down. So apparently tiktok shutting down. Here's my thoughts. Listen. I feel this. I'm very mixed. I have mixed emotions on this topic Here's a thing like. I Lake talk a lot a going into lot. and. I don't feel like it's the most negative platform like I. Think it's usually kind of fun. I I it doesn't. Okay. So like twitter and instagram can be pretty toxic. I would say they can get toxic pretty quick. But take talk not as much for me because I'm just scrolling through my for you page and like watching videos that are. Random and weird. I love watching all the cooking talks and all that so. I, feel like I use take more of an entertainment platform so I don't. Like meaning for me like I use that platform as a viewer more than I, I don't really use it as a poster as much. I mean don't get me wrong I post take talks here and there but like it's not something that I. M Super. Concerned with all the time like it's not like Oh, I need to take talk soon because I haven't been on there in a while it's not like that I just follow my gut with that. I'm like I don't care you know. So there's no pressure and I use it as entertainment for myself because I like watching them, I'm sad to see all the cooking take talkers. Go but I also think that they will be on Youtube and I can just watch them there. You know what I mean most of the stuff that I enjoy watching on there could be on Youtube. So I think that my entertainment will continue from those people that I love so much when it comes to like all the funny shit I'm going to be sad because it is funny like I definitely get some good laughs out of it. I mean I will belly laugh out a fucking Tiktok and that brings me joy for sure. So that's kind of sad but. I mean I also think that. It's Not good for my attention span. Because everything about it moves so fast that. I feel like my attention spans awful. No. So there's that. So I mean. I'm not super heartbroken about a going but also like. If it stays I'm going to be kind of happy you know what I mean. But if it went, I would also be okay like I'm not super sad about it but I just think it's crazy I like. There's so many parallels with the Vine era and take talk era i. mean it was like with vine it was the exact same thing. It was like a bunch of people blew up on vine. Then like you know there was a bunch of groups that were made there was houses that were made x. y. and Z., and then you know it shut down and then everybody went to youtube and then. That was fun. There's beef there was everything it was it was a time to be alive and then. That all kinds of chilled out a little bit and then Tiktok came along and it's just like the new generation of that and it's just crazy to see history repeat itself. So I wouldn't be surprised if there was a new take talk that's even better in say five years I. Mean I wouldn't be surprised if something new happened. or if somebody made like. Some company made like A. New Tiktok I. I. Don't know I mean we'll see I guess it's kind of scary. Like I. Guess they're stealing our information or something but literally, the only thing that you can still from me's fucking photos of my camera roll of me crying all the time although I haven't cried in a while. Except, for happy tears. Randomly I never use a cry when I was happy but the other day I was like talking to my parents about something. And I was like so happy about it. I started crying and I was like what the fuck are you doing Lake. Hello. You don't show emotion or weakness. What are you doing right now? I only show motion sickness when I'm sad but like. Me showing emotion our weakness about something that I'm happy about couldn't be me. I don't know what I'm going through but I literally like. Ever. Cry About something I'm happy about Legis I honestly hate showing. Weakness and I feel like being happy about something as being week, which is not true at all. So please don't think that that's advice that is not true but my brain is weirdly wired like that I feel like. Being excited or happy about something makes me weak. So that's just something I need to work on. With the therapist I don't have a because that's not good like. When I'm happy about something or excited about something I should be able to fucking cry about it in scream about it as much as I want I should be. Happy that I'm feeling that way but yet I literally will cry of happiness about something and be like. Your little bitch to myself in the mirror I will go to the mirror and bang on pound on NBA. You are a little pussy grow up but. Maybe that means that things aren't so bad after all I feel like. This year started out for me really shady. But And there's a lot of shady moments throughout it too but. I also think that. This was probably one of the most transformative years of my life. And I think a lot of you can probably say the same. It was one of the weirdest years ever. And you know things will go back to normal eventually and we will all be okay but. I. It's interesting. How like? Crazy this year has been. Like, like. Crying about being happy is like a very new thing. You know. That's weird but I'm very happy about it. I am very happy about it house Oh Mama period right now I. Okay. I was having this problem where I was getting my period twice a month and it's finally settled down I think it's because I'm off accutane now and so now I have regular periods but it's back. So you probably haven't heard me talk about my period awhile because it's back to normal but. But brave, but it's here now. So got the cramps going on and I'm going to the beach today and I'm like bleeding and I'm like how the fuck do I handle this? Do I like what do okay Pov for a second little Pov here. Pov. I'm at the beach I'm wearing a bathing suit I'm running into the ocean. and My tampons string falls out honestly Pov what do I do I'm kind of anxious about it but I need to get in the ocean because it makes me feel good Even, though it's freezing here which I didn't. Realize like last year. I. Went to the beach a bunch of times and wasn't that cold. But for some reason, I'm literally in a lot of pain When I go in now, I don't know why that is I. Don't know if the. Oceans colder randomly this year is being Zappin guys. I'm not that smart I mean I am okay smart but not really a very smart all that will always. So yeah. Anyway, I'm done talking about the things that I had planned in my head I kind of feel like. I'm easing into this podcast in a sense where I. You know it don't get me wrong if like a topic comes up, that's pressing for me. I will address it but I think that. Sorry I'm putting my blanket on but I think that you know I've talked about so many things in kind of giving my two cents on. So many things. Those episodes are going to be great to look back on and you know when my views on those things change or I gain more insight on more things I will bring those up but I think for now it's just kind of fun to sit and chill with y'all and whatever. In talk about shed that's not as. emotional I guess but. I'm ready to answer some questions. So let's see. We goes asking. Somebody said favorite song at the moment. Don't think just go. You know I'm I'm put y'all on. I mean my summer I'm listening to my summer twenty, twenty playlist on spotify. My username is Emma Chambers I. Think it's like one of the only. Snapchat in spotify are the only ones left that still have Emma Chambi which is the username that I thought was genius in Hilarious when I was in fifth grade. Turns out that US amateur is not funny whole areas. Or Quirky at all. And I know that the Internet loves to call me, Corky it's very fun for them but. Newsflash I am not corky. So grow up anyway. I'm GonNa, give you guys a few songs. The dolts are talking by the strokes is really good I'm obsessed with that song right now middle of somewhere by the neighborhood is really good lava by still woozy is not a new song but I kind of just rediscovered it and I really love it and politics and violence by dominic fight I really like all those right now, there's a lot more on my summer twenty, twenty playlist. check it out. That are really good. Somebody said with all this. Cova on I'm having constant thoughts of regret because I think he could have done so many things last year. But because of being sad now I feel like I've wasted a lot of time and stressing me out does that ever happen to you? So I think I'm GonNa some this question up in kind of rewrite it to. Do you ever feel you wasted time being sad. Okay. Like probably yes. Like I definitely think I've wasted time. We'll know what? No I have not wasted time being sad because every time I've ever been sad in my life I've learned millions and trillions of things. And you might not even realize that you were learning things whilst you are sad but I can guarantee that the person you are now wouldn't be the same without that. Okay. You being sad in you having those struggles made you who you are. And I don't think you'd be able to appreciate life in the same way without that experience. I. Don't think that anything is a waste of time. Nothing in life is a waste of time. Okay. As long as you turn it around. And you learn something from it. It's not a waste of time if you just don't learn anything in, you fucking are closed minded and whatever and you like. Continue doing the things that you're doing that are making you unhappy or you continue. Eso. You get what I'm saying I mean obviously being sad and stuff that's not up to you. I mean you can't choose like if you're struggling with. Your mental health I mean that's like something you can change. You can take the right steps to help but I mean. There's more to that. You know it's more complicated but. So, that's definitely not a waste of time. 'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA learn something from that no matter what but I'm more saying like if you feel like you wasted your time doing anything in general like let's say you were in a relationship that was not good or let's say you went to college and then you ended up not using. Your College Diploma for Your Job, and you now feel like that was a waste of time. None of that was a waste of time. because. You learn things from that in you experience things from that and That's a beautiful thing. There's nothing to regret about that. So. All we have is. Right now. And all we can do is make the most of right now. You can't dwell on what you should have done could have done. What's that GonNa do for you? That's just GonNa make you miserable. You know what I it would have been. So Fun if I wouldn't have been struggling, you know last year, I would have done so many more things if I would've known well, guess what you know now. and. You can. You can make today. In Amazing Day and when this whole Cova thing is over. You're gonNA live life to the fullest because let me tell you. I think we're all going to appreciate it I. Think we're all going appreciate it in a new way once we can finally. Do all of that again so Don't. Regret it please. Somebody said my ex wanted to meet me a couple times but I said no last time he asked me he was being so nice and I agreed. But now I, feel like I miss him what do I do he cheated on me multiple times by the way? Okay. Listen We don't. We don't fuck with a cheater We don't. We don't do that because the thing is there's seven billion people on this planet and I can guarantee that there's somebody out there they won't cheat on you. guaranteed. Hundred percent there's somebody out there in this world that wouldn't cheat on you. So why the fuck are we GONNA waste time? With one. person. That fucked you over. cheaters don't I. I don't believe they change to be honest. Once a cheater always a cheater I do kind of believe that I mean I don't know I just like I think that people who cheat or maybe wired in a different way and I mean, don't get me wrong. I think that. People can learn and grow they can. Change I. I don't think that like let's say you're dating somebody who's cheated on someone else before. I think that there's A. Decent chance that person might not cheat on you. They might have learned from that experience and been like fuck. I'm never doing that again or they were just in the wrong relationship. But if someone cheats on you, that kind of makes me feel like the connection between Youtube wasn't right. Because that person wasn't scared enough to lose you. When you guys were together they didn't value you enough. Like when you're dating the right person. The thought of cheating on them, and then them finding out in leaving you should be terrifying if you're with the right person, which would make you not wanNA cheat on them. Also, when you have the right connection with somebody, you don't have is for anyone else. Especially when you're young, I think when you get older and you've been with somebody for a long time, you know things can change and things can be different but. When you're young in shit there's no reason to waste your time with a cheater. When they cheated on you I'm saying obviously if you'd find somebody news really cool and you guys have a great connection and they've cheated on somebody before. I mean I don't I don't really believe in judging somebody for their pass necessarily I feel like you Kinda have to judge them for who they are to you. You know what I mean. So that's a different thing but because this man has cheated on you before I, say we say and we do not. Not actually or literally I mean, metaphorically, we are not messing with this guy there are seven billion people find a new one moving on thoughts. Guacamole is to be really scared to Guacamole is still kind of am for some reason but ever since I started eating avocado toast I kind of relies. Okay. We'll guacamole is literally the same in the season is really good. So definitely into Guacamole but I'm not a huge fan of. Tomato or onion, and those are two ingredients that are commonly used in Guacamole. So. I mean, I, am on the fence. I. Mean I don't love every. Guacamole. But there are definitely some good ones. Somebody said, what did you have for breakfast I had chamberlain coffee. Jimmy Coffee. And I had eggs, avocado and. that was kind of starter meal but umbrella GONNA. It's still the morning right now but I I, think I'm GonNa have some plums. So that's my request. Somebody said, how do you know? That you've met a good lifelong friend. I don't think you ever really know because I think that you can think that a lot of times in your life like Oh. Yeah. This is going to be my life forever but. People Change and we grow and we evolve and you outgrow friends and friends outgrow you and things happen and I think that the thing with friendships is you have to be in the moment with it I mean obviously it's nice to think about your future with this friendship or that friendship it's fun to think about. Oh, I can't wait to have this person at my wedding I can't wait to you know raise my kids and have this person like down the road and we can like whatever it's fun to think about those things for sure but I think that. You just have to leave in the moment with the person. So if somebody's A good. person in your life now. I think we focus on that we focus on you know. How they're treating you now. If they're being a good friend now, and then you know we can always hope that it'll last but. It doesn't really matter because as long as it's working right now and they're a good friend than fuck it, and that goes for relationships to I. Mean I know that it's it's really Scary sometimes even when you like care about somebody so much and you like. Love, your friends or the person you're in a relationship with so much and you're like Oh my God like I can't imagine my life without them and that can create a lot of anxiety but the thing the Eh, you just have to be like listen they're working in my life right now we have an amazing relationship right now I'm not going to sabotage this by thinking about the future nothing about the future as promised we don't know what the fuck is GonNa Happen Tomorrow. Ever. We just have to live in the now and appreciate the people that we have in our lives right now that make us happy and that's that's the FUCKING T. So many said I've been struggling with anxiety for the past two months and for me, it's really hard opened up to other people about it. Do you have any advice on how I can open myself? Up In not feel bad or guilty after I do it. Listen. Never feel guilty about venting. Okay, nothing to feel guilty about. Imagine this your friend comes up to you and Tells you that they're struggling with anxiety and that they feel really shady and they start kind of confiding in you about it. How are you going to feel? Are you going to be frustrated or annoyed? No, the fuck. And if they if like you did then that's something that you need to reflect on because that's not good And I can tell that you wouldn't feel that way just based on the way that you wrote your message. I, mean like you have to understand people are. Not that selfish I mean there are a lot of selfish people but even the most selfish people would probably hear you out and try to help don't feel bad. Don't feel guilty were all on this planet together we're all working together. And we also only live this life wants we're all just trying to make this shit as good as it can be. I think that we're all on each other's team. So try to remember that and. Just. Kind of push your discomfort aside and. Beyond find somebody that you feel comfortable with find somebody who you feels nurturing. And just let it go and in. Let it out. Somebody said if you could be in any place right now, where could it be? I would be in Paris for sure Europe Peres Italy something I just like want to go to Europe really bad although I don't want to sit on the fucking plane. So. Yeah. I'd go to. Paris. But like teleport vibes, I don't really want to. Be on a plane for that long. Oh. This is a really interesting question that I just got from two guys. Somebody said, let's say I'm walking behind a girl late at night. On a quiet street something what can you say to show her that? You're not a threat? I, feel bad because I. don't want her to be scared or think I'm trying to kidnap her. And then. Another guy said, ll this point I either cross the road or walk past them? So I'm in front. I think that's really great i. In really really sweet. That you think like that you know because I do think that. You know as a as a human being in general I mean walking at night and shit like that is scare you never know but I think especially as a girl. You know it can be frightening and especially right now where we're starting to learn about all of the. Things that go on in this world that are so fucking terrifying You know with people getting kidnapped and stuff like that and I think that it's A. Really important time to. As a woman you know beef fucking on your game and I think. A lot of do get worried about somebody falling them even if it's totally innocent and so. I think. I don't think you even need to say anything I think the whole crossing the street thing is great. Just crossing the street and trying to get ahead of them. I think that that would definitely ease their mind I know that for me. When I felt like I was being followed. When they've gotten in front of me I was like Oh, we're good. We're totally good and I was like totally fine because it just showed that they're not watching like they're going on their own way. They're not. They don't care about where I'm going. You know I remember one night I was in New York? and. I was on the phone. And I, was walking around and I was walking around my hotel in circles during winter actually, and I was talking to my parents and. some guy followed me in the circle. 'cause I was walking in a circle I wasn't I had no end destination. In this guy followed me in a circle. The whole time until I went back into my hotel I mean and it was fine because he didn't. Do anything but it was fucking frightening like for sure and I don't know maybe he was just going for a walk to maybe we're on the same page doubt it. But I mean, that's a crazy coincidence I walked around the building. Fifteen. Times. But. If he would have like sped up in front of me. I would have not given a fuck. I would have been like Oh, we're good. But I also think that that is that's an important thing to talk about in general I think that you know. Keeping an eye out and being wary, you can never be too careful. You know what I mean ladies. I mean and guys too I. Mean who knows? Anything like this can pertain to anybody. Just watching your back at all times. You know there's something to be said for that. So just like staying aware your surroundings and being smart, you can always go into a store or you can always go into a restaurant You could knock on someone's door even if you really feel like you're in danger I mean there's so many so many options Not always but. If something like that's happening to you you know. Just be wary you know be wary out there be careful everybody and in dudes it's really respectful of you guys to think like that and do that. So I really. Appreciate you thinking about that? Somebody's asked me what my favorite hairstyle I've had y'all I'm loving the blonde. I never WANNA be Brunette again I'm sorry guys I'm sorry I ever doubted you everybody always told me like, Emmy, you need to be blonde blonde you need to be Blonde Blonde Emma back and I was like now and the Non Blonde again on my way Kit I get it. I love being blonde and I also love my hair length right now because it's not too long not too short period. Okay. So somebody said in high school in all of my friends are super boy crazy but I'm not. I feel like I don't WanNa waste my time worrying about some shallow guys who aren't people I see myself with in the long run anyway. But they think I'm weird for not wanting a boyfriend threats y'all. Wow, okay, you are really really ten steps ahead because in high school I knew deep down that like the guys that I was dealing with. Were like you know not for me long-term like I'm definitely somebody who I think I'm more into. UH A lot of the guys in high school that I was interested in. Sporty dudes and I'm not saying that that. I don't want to put anybody in a box or anything I, don't. Want to stereotype but. I kind of knew deep down that wasn't really my type. You know what I mean, but I was kind of like. That was kind of what was available. So it was like. You, Kinda work with what you have when you're at school and those people are sometimes not for you. You know what? I mean I I never boyfriend in highschool. I didn't really I tried to like. I mean I would have little talking phases with guys but I never like dated guys in high school I was more of a friend zone girl to, be. Honest. Which is fine in retrospect now regrets who knows what type of fucking mental damage I would have. Experience from dating somebody in high school I don't know don't WanNa know but anyway. I could stay true to yourself and honestly kind sounds like you need new friends because Kinda sounds like your friends are not on the same page as you and you're really really ten steps ahead I mean I. Wasn't even there yet I was still trying to like make the guys work and I was still kind of boy crazy even though I didn't. Really like like these guys that much because I knew that they weren't up my alley really but. I mean no shit to them like they. Whatever but you know I was trying to make something work. I was trying to make a puzzle piece that didn't fit and I think you're one step ahead just knowing that it's a waste of time because it totally is. So I think you tell them y'all. I don't WanNa waste my time. This is not my type. These guys are not my type I don't care I'm going to find a guy that's more at my alley and college or when I. Work heared or whatever. So y'all can mind your business. Thanks. I I can't believe somebody's that are you gonNa make music one day no god no. I leave the music to the musicians that I fuck with and then. I listen to their music, sing it in the car and then call today. The thing is I. Don't know how to like I wouldn't even know how to write music the fuck, I. I mean I had a freestyle rapping phase with my friends that was so embarrassing. We were literally would freak out on the car for hours and it was so funny but it was also like really Kranji in retrospect at least on my end I mean, my friends were you know spitting and I'm appreciate it but I mean for me I just was probably. So, Kranji. And that was fun and all, and I mean, don't get me wrong the adrenaline rush when I would come up with something good was really fucking awesome. But I I'M GONNA keep it to free styling with my friends. once every blue moon and. Listening to music in singing it in my car by myself. Sorry. The Somebody say what's your favorite vegetable? y'All let's talk about it. Definitely I have a lot Surprisingly. I. Liked Cauliflower when it's cooked. Right. So. Like if it's Kinda like I like when. You put batter of some sort on cauliflower. Then you turn into like a chicken wing That's really good I also like, Broccoli? A lot if it's cooked right I also like Kale a lot again if it's like the right kind of Kale and it's like All the stems are cut out I like Kale, sometimes I like butter lettuce. Yeah. I like corn I. Don't know that. That's a grain cinnamon. Sorry I'm fucking dumb. Hopefully. That helps I don't know. Somebody. Said, have you ever physically fought someone? No interesting question I am not a fighter I am a lover I really am although I did. I did try to start a pillow fight yesterday with my friends Probably the I've ever got. To fight to be honest. But I actually hate like I don't like that Shit. You know I don't even like pillow fights like I was like hitting everyone because. I like don't. Okay. So I've had friends before that were like really violent unit. I mean like you guys ever have friends where they will pay you on the back, but they'll fuck in fully five star you on the back or like they'll. Be a pillow fight, and then they'll hit you in the head really hard until you're almost. Can cost like. I am not like that I like to be gentle. I don't see the need for the I also don't like when people jump scare me like jump out and scare me like fuck that. No, no, no, no no. None of that for Emma at all, I don't think that any that Shit's fun but some people do so I mean more power to you and enjoy yourself but. Not For me. Somebody said way. Wow y'all fuck predicted something another club. Sorry. Klab. Someone's at another cab with wildflower cases in the future maybe. I'm not going to answer this, but I'm just going to say that I wouldn't read it if it wasn't an important question, do what you want with that. Somebody said, do you think you were born in the right era? If not what era? You know what? Yes I do. I was born in the right era. For sure because okay. Listen a lot of people are always like, oh, I was born in the wrong era. You know what? We don't know shit about what it would have been. Era I'm sorry we romanticize different eras don't get me wrong I'm obsessed with forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties early two thousands fashion I love the fashion I love you know hearing stories from people who lived through those times I love you know the movies, the aesthetic of all of it I don't get me wrong. Very awesome. Appreciate it so much but I like that I get to. Appreciate it as somebody who didn't live it I. Don't think I'm living in the wrong generation I like I'm you know I was placed on this earth right now to live right now and I don't I wouldn't in any way I think. People Romanticize these times right? Like you know. I talked to my dad about like the eighties, for example. And it sounds like it was pretty fun but like. You know based on his stories like there was also shit that was not fun at all in there were things that. People don't maybe talk about there were shady about it and also. I wouldn't. Be, living the life. I live remotely at all if I didn't live right now it's the first time in history that I this is. A possibility for a life. On the Internet and I really do love it and I wouldn't want it any other way. So No, I, appreciate other eras but I do not think I was born in the wrong era and I think that a lot of people say that and I even used to think that but I don't think that we know enough as kids. To say that you know what I mean. Anyway, it's not that deep, but I mean maybe some of us were born in the wrong era but I personally wouldn't want to be born in eighteen ten when I added brush my teeth with a rock like I just that doesn't sound fun to me so anyway. Somebody said, which celebrities would you choose if you had to survive on an island named three explain why number one Harry styles for no other reason besides the fact that I feel like. He has really good luck and is like really like he would almost be on the island for a good luck charm. I feel like he does everything perfectly. So I feel like if I was like Harry start a fire, he would like snap his fingers in the fire would start if I was like Harry I really want to roast hotdogs. Vegan. Hotdogs over the fire right now Ugh I wish we had those too bad. We only have like nuts and seeds he would snaps fingers and he would have hotdogs in his hand CNN I'm saying here Harry styles would be the fucking the magic token to making this fun if I was. UGH Like I really need some sunscreen getting really sunburn he'd snap his fingers sunscreen boom so I just. Would use him for that next one would be. I feel like I need somebody funny on the island would like make me laugh. So that I could kinda like to Kinda lift the spirits I'm trying to think about somebody would lift the spirits. Okay. So The next celebrity I think I would have on the island would be. Joe I don't know his name, Joe Kinnear, something the guy who's the voice of Spongebob. he's a comedian probably because he does spongebob, but also I would just kind of want him to. Hide behind a tree or hiding a tree or something and just talk to me in spongebob. While I couldn't see him in if that makes sense. So that I could imagine that I was like in Bikini big. became. The wages that was crazy leave that in. So. That I could imagine that I was in Bikini bottom it would make it more fun right like. Okay, we're stranded on desert island. This is deserted island desert island I'm literally losing it. I need a fucking turn the set off. I'm like slurring my words did get drunk for my coffee I. Don't understand I didn't like. Chamberlain crop coffee goes crazy making me. Making me not be able to fuck in say words correctly anyway. I would want the voice of Spongebob Dude Joe Kenny. I, think that's his name to be sitting up in a tree somewhere and just. Constantly having dialogue with himself in Spongebob Voice Jesse kind of entertainment. also to kind of set the tone in the mood of the island. Bikini, bottom vibes it would be fun tavern there. I, also K. I get the vibe that he can cook I don't know why but I feel like he can I also feel like he if you spend that many years doing spongebob boys, there's no way that you're not kind of going insane. So he probably has some violence, he wants to get out. which I think it'd be helpful when I need him chop down a tree like he could probably trump down a tree and like two hits with an axe because he's been doing spongebob voice for so long he's probably Exploding with anger lay there's a lot of pent up anger. I'd love to have a conversation with them about it, but we can discuss that when we're on the island. Yeah I. Feel like he's necessary. Last least I would have. I would probably have Margot Robbie just because I want to be her best friend for some reason and she's just so beautiful. So I just love her So I'd probably have her on there and then just for like girl time you know so that I can be like. I can tell her a bunch of stories. You can tell me stories and we can just bond. So like while Joe Kenny's in the is cutting down the tree. while. MAKING SPONGEBOB VOICES and then we've got Harry styles like floating or something in the air like levitating or something me and Margot are like getting our Tannen on the beach chillan and talking about boys sounds dream. Anyway, I'm done with this episode I hope he goes had fun hanging out with me today I had fun. I love you all so much and I really appreciate you guys. Thank you for coming back every week. If you do that I don't know who could be your first episode. Thanks for listening in general if you got to this point Donna why you would. I don't even remember the last. Hundred things I said I blacked out so. I. Don't listen. Oh No, you didn't hear that. Hari Guys I love you all. By is. Another thing you'd Aubert's sponsoring this episode of anything goes all birds is on a mission to leave the planet in better shape than they found it, and that's why they've created the new trash. The world's first performance running shoe made from premium natural materials. It's built for performance with a low environmental impact with the Dasher no matter who crosses the finish line first, we all win the shoes are amazing. They look good. They feel good. They're great for running, which is something I'm trying to be good at now. So like it's it's a win win for everybody with the new Auburn Street. Asher feel confident knowing that you can run hard and tread light on the planet find your. Parent Auburn's DOT com today. Thank you. Aubert's for sponsoring this episode appreciate y'All and I love Y'all and I'm out of here.

EMMA Youtube twitter Harry Aubert Asher instagram I Lake Joe I spotify Tiktok two guys Reverend Olivia Kale Margot Robbie Joe Kenny NBA US Emma Chambers
Black awkward bajan female part 2

The Jai Show

20:21 min | 1 year ago

Black awkward bajan female part 2

"Hey. Hey. It's a girl. In you. I'm by an I'm giving you. Black. Nerdy. Female? Awkward. I'm vision parts. Now. Widely, immunity when a single three words, they even make sense. What I'm GonNa give you the story of me and holy personally. Identify ask those terms how maneuver bobby is. It's like you are. You are in a place. where? You feel. Like you are more reflected. In another country I, lot of girls like me I know because I have friends like. WHO Anticipate. ECON who wish that Barbados sorry was a bit more like Canada or America this. is where there was more representation for quirky things on for. More you know their expressions of personality. meaning. That for a lot of us we have to suppress. Are More Quirky tendencies as it relates to find domes and things that we have to clean a to the. Internet. And the lease aren't energy behind the. Of the keyboard. So are often phone conversations. In more of a US Canada UK Lake a more international context so. We find ourselves as I said before more represented abroad. Slip, means that we end up consuming media that is produced abroad. We are sometimes on to get outside. Don't sound. Particularly Asia just because the media that we find most enjoyable SA- US come from here. So you are stuck in a weird place where you desperately wants to prove your. Caribbean Dhaka's and all of that. But at the same same, the only relief US conquest apple in expressing your to solve these two NCAA media comes from other countries. Being Black Female Awkward Beijing. Means for me personally I'm being real wrong with you as. It means that you attract the opposite in terms of as I see you as a tragic. I'm being really I have had. Some of the more. Quote Unquote Tough Geiss. Be, attracted to me because this he me as innocent they see me as cute. They see me as. Most of them seem yes. Cute. Cute Lake you are to you are feminine you are. In all untouched. Unscathed. So I'm GonNa Lay, it gets me I remember this is my show but I guess my experience could be said for other people. It I get treated differently because of it. I do. Do. I have friends I have guy friends. They're on the block. Bud interesting. because. I'm. More on the Nerdy side on. Innocent. There's something predatory underlying it. But I do get treated differently. I. Am seeing as good girl UNIM- Barbados. There's a privileged comes. A weird kind of privilege comes. For me personally for what I've seen days. Respect me more. Because I'm a good girl because they haven't Wa dope. Yes. It would request that a goal there eight do might think. But at the same time, the fact that a habit flights I be if I didn't seem quick gains, need a lot of points. I. Don't just my experience, but it gives points late. This treat me like a little sister. because. I don't come across as fierce as intimidatingly I just seen. Pleasant. On where I lay on the block. Nerdy. Sorry The block awkward visions females spectrum. Is a bit in the middle. because. I am nerdy. Don't get me wrong. I'm on the middle of the spectrum because I grew up. Close to tone. Than a move to Eagle Hall. You know block area. So. May upbringing. Has Allowed me. To be sheltered a yet a bitch street. Get what a meat It was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. So that's another layer to this whole discussion Jehovah's Witnesses. Are they're good people. They're good people but. The. Holiday tendencies of Ason. You from the world's. Lake from the. Real, world. In a sense. So, not only. Was a awkward because I was just awkward but. I was awkward. Because A. Screw up in a relationship that. You know was different. We didn't celebrate birthdays celebrate. Christmas didn't celebrate. Independence. Although, we of doing things. Was Different. You know our whole look on leave was. Different so when it came to. Being. Kim's being. In the Nevada that But then interacting with. The railroads on the same. It's given me a unique perspective also the school that I went to to the lean, school. And that was a school that was smack DAB in the middle eight to gasoline you need to be fairly intelligent. The the medium raid was sixty something Boyce. And seventy to eighty something for girls. The medium grid probably eighty something percent. It's a good school but. It's a middle school that they consider coy John, powdery, Alina, Alexandra. Those are the schools, the average lease, smart students. Late you are smart. You are smart but you're not. Extremely smart so we're going to put you. In an average claimed of space where You are we all know that accommodate. Is predicated on hierarchies of schools and. All of those kinds of things so We're GONNA put you in a space. Where you are. You are with. The SMART. On the. Right words. The atmosphere is the same. Because it did change when Certain groups graduated when I I I lean. The atmosphere was one of this is a decent. But there are some elements within it. Them by the time that I graduated, this is a decent school. A very decent school that just doesn't get enough recognition on then from the time that he likes. Her This is a good school. saw. Think the kind of placement of students would have been determined by that. So. I rang. There are a lot of Ace who? What roamed the streets. They want necessarily gang members, thugs or violent or anything, but they spend a lot of same old save the. They had tendencies from back pain of. On, so I was exposed to that from being out school there were. Some neural your students. And of course, iphone myself in groups that. We had a whole bunch. I reached. If for flying on it settled on a phone frame. We had a whole. Areas why styles with a tree there were benches the saying slop was is for the taking stairs that lead up stews were our lunchtime towery it was a massive they. Wondered Way. The nerdier people had such a huge territory but. We did. and. That shaves because I wonder. Hollywood scene things if I went to compare Fox Michael's who is GonNa have since college I went to. School that wasn't sold on earth. A wonder because it does make a difference it really this. But events to the audience runoff that I went to polytechnic to the time, it was still the police on it. It's ass shape but it spent three years there. So may level of sheltered on awkward a Nerdy is smack DAB in the middle. I'm in the middle. Late cartoons. Like most of us do. Thank. I. Lake. Music from the nineties from the as and Seventies. Critical these anything or the just ingrained in Barbadian culture. Because of my more Christian upbringing. I have views that are. A bit more conservative and young person but may fuse arbit- more conservative lake. Yeah I try to dress modestly. Severe guilt. But a welcome sight in things that are tight and show off the body. Lake A. A house a bit of Christian. Lay. I'm still a virgin I haven't had sex yet I'm trying not tops actions, marriage late. I, I'm very family focused. Very much to myself on very much. It's. Wild on Oldie revelries. So I'm somewhere in the middle of this veteran Louis. I will sit down I wash sesame street. On ironically does a good show. I will sit down on watch. The booth. because. Joe Late. Monday nerdy. Isn't a middle, but I've had discussions with friends with each. Funding from Brazil who? Adored Alamo on all of that. I realize that is a bit more people. Than they would think, but we just don't discuss it in the openly those conversations are the underground late. You can post the memes and stuff. But when you start to gets who sat nickel unique, you try to toe the line you don't seem to childish not me I have been proudly. Displaying all of videos on facebook because I love Sesame Street and I'm not ashamed. White, I'm ready. I'm probably going to force Barney I'm going to post because I'm not ashamed. Anymore. To enjoy things that are traditionally seen as shows for. Children. I like Barbie. I like Barbie movies I think they're Nice. I Love Disney Princess Movies A. Adore Fairytales on. Those kind of cute girly things I like watching people make dolls. Lake watching. Videos People are planning their weddings. I'm in the middle of fraud. The only thing that I haven't really delved into his enemy. Of Been introduced to the world of gaining Carmen. Ix. Through my boyfriend. My boyfriend initiatives to the world of Gaming Comex but. I'm in the middle of the world nerdy late on. I. Think that's the most interesting place to be as a female Barbados. Because, you can straddle the fence if you want to. Late, a clam nerdiness here. Best believe that I'm friends. With. Dr Dre. Vange Ravers. Lake I can talk. To people. Who Come from? Lower income neighborhoods. Trying to be political Lee, correct. Relate go down to the Orleans on a few. Don't feel scared. To go into the Orleans I don't feel. Afraid to go to certain areas. Of been quite comfortable late. There's new wants to being. The Asian? Awkward female. But I think that is team that we get to see it in all of this Gloria. I think Beijing meals got to do it up at more. To be honest with you. Beecham meals schedule is slightly more. Females torn really yet the ocean and I'm talking about in the reader media landscape. I'm not talking about Lake in day to day life immediately in the greater landscape of media not social, media media. A neighbor haven't seen it. It does exist I am just incorrect. Please correct me on that. But. I don't see it lake. An effort is representation it tends to be from. A slightly older. Female who? is of certain as I said, previously. A certain strato within society. On a certain skin you. So, it doesn't resonate as much lake. There are average awkward black. Female Bijan. WHO Needs. To be represented late. Last, Holy John for the girls who still watch Barbie movies who? Adore children but happened. You know had sex yet. Who are just trying to live? The peaceful life. On. In this society. There's a lot of backlash in ridicule at is coming against the church and all of that. But I think that there should be new wants within those compositions as well on eight included church because. There's also A. Of undulating lake especially in Barbados Sweet Girls Late me on Christianity not all of us are Christian, but there isn't underlying link. Between the treats on being Christian are being brought up in a more Christian household. You know but I think it's that we had to start loves able to. Be On a more. Known. Platform. Sit On have a genuine conversation about. Brad stalls. I hope about those are awesome and the history of Bratz. Dolls. On the history of Barbie Dolls talkable. Lake. Interesting light, hearted fun talpes on. I'm glad that Anchor FM allows me up that form to do just as. Here on the show and I. Hope that it grows. I hope that this voice of Maine guests spread its wings unwelcome these things, other places because I'm passionate about it on a new that have the ability to. Really, create a show. That is fun that is engaging that is. Wholesome Everyone can tune into on, enjoy believe that can do it. At leave can a think? That would end me lease the this heat's who create a unexperienced. On a platform in Barbados that? Is relatable down home fun. I believe that can hit the beats of Lake. It's Amirah. Owes Lake I, think I can do it. I'm I'm putting it into the universe on. Speaking out to. The Lord, I'm hoping that the opportunity. Because even though this podcast only. On the twenty ninth I can see big things. Can come from it. I'M GONNA Give it a tray. I'M GONNA go for it. Bit By bit. It's GonNa be a salon study race, but I'M GONNA. Continue to give you good content. I'M GONNA continue to real. Raw on fun On tender. On personal vulnerable on. Just to join to be. So, this has been Jay I'm over on note.

US Barbados Cute Lake Barbados Lake I A. Of undulating lake Lake UNIM- Barbados I. Lake bobby Joe Late NCAA Maine Caribbean Dhaka Eagle Hall UK Canada America
Episode 132: Texting Bootcamp

The Sex Wrap

50:02 min | 11 months ago

Episode 132: Texting Bootcamp

"Welcome to the. For everything that you are too afraid to ask at home to embarrassed to ask in school. Or was just too hard to ask your partner. Welcome to the sex rap. Hire ready and welcome back to the sex wrap your here with Spring and Andrew we are sexpert ordinary. Hey, Andrew. What's that? I am having a really lovely day. It's late and I'm excited to chat with you. I'm excited to go home and eat dinner to that has nothing to do with our episode of no. I'm. Actually. If I'm being honest because you're one of my best friends and I love you, I'm having a lot of existential angst about the state of the world about Corona virus about repeater Ginsburg about the election about abortion rights and contraceptive rights and a lot of other things like corona virus. But I'm fine I'm pretty good. Let's talk about something else Shali. I'd. World Today. Well today. I'm so excited because we're talking about a topic that we have been meaning to talk about for I think almost a year we've had this kind of topic on the back burner. We've been like wanting to talk about this. And the topic is texting, which is like not just sexy and we are talking about actual texting today and I'm so sex for this. I. Think about texting I. Don't know do I think about texting lot I get a lot of texts and most of the time pretty happy to respond to them. But a lot of days texts almost becomes like a chore. If I'm super busy at work and meetings and other things, and then I look at my phone later, it'll have like seventy extra I'm like, what am I supposed to do with this? and. I don't want to let people down I. Don't want a ghost people I don't WanNa not respond but sometimes I miss them then I feel pretty bad about it. TEXTING is turning into the new e mail from me just like the preponderance of Texas Nova I like text overall. I like that most of the time I can have a nice clear communication with somebody and Sometimes in email and other ways that we communicate. Sometimes, people don't understand the emotional context. With texts with a few good emojis year there people can understand if I'm being serious I'm being light-hearted, etc I duNNo. Give any fun stories Dr Cooper Emma Guide. I. Mean. I, feel like my like real texting one. Oh, one story is a when I had newly become single. after I had been married. And I had always been a master texture, but I hadn't done a lot of dating and so this data intact stain was like very new timmy and this like these new sets of rules that come in around texting people that you're interested in having a relationship with or just having sex with just having coffee with and chatting, and maybe kissing like trying to figure out all of these new rules I just I didn't even know. Yet come on. Different things from different people. And I like didn't know that there were like all these rules you know I was like just I'm GonNa tax people the way I text all my friends and assume that everybody's on the same page as me and So I have been dating this guy a little bit and then we decided we were better off as friends and we became very good friends and no, it's not Andrew everybody. Getting very good friends and When we became friends, he's like I need to tell you something. And I was like, yeah, and he goes. Can I just show you our text history and I was like, okay and he started to scrolling through our text history in front of me like and he's Do you see how there is not a very equal a ratio of blue to white in the texting here. And I was like. What do you mean and he's like you text me way too much and It needs to be equal. It needs to be like I get text from you. I send you tax and it needs to look like the same amount of space on the screen. And I with leg. Wo You're. Crazy. I had that conversation with some of my like all of my not my oldest nieces, Alec Thirteen and nine, and they're on their cell phones all the time in we've had the you can text me three times. But no more until I. Get back to you. So like with a thirty, nine year old and a thirteen year old, we have three to one ratio I don't know. But that's what today's episode is about. How do we? Appropriate what does it look like and then what do we do when things get like when you're in relationships and things get kind of weird and awkward and you don't quite understand what to read or you're reading too much into or you don't understand really what's going on inside of the text. So how did things resolve with your friend who you are over texting I mean I was mortified. But I think it was more like he just felt like I was my text for longer and I was sharing more information and he was just kinda applying you know and he expected me to. Like read into that but I didn't I wasn't reading into you know kind of what that meant and he was implying that you know I should have been able to, and that's one of the things that a think is crazy about texting is that we expect people to read our minds based on how much we're texting or little were texting and you know that kind of baseline is very different for every single person. So expecting people to understand what some of these kind of hidden messages might be an texting and is not what I'm going to teach you in today's podcast. We'll. Have you feel when somebody shortens words in texting like instead of while you they say the letter you are you. I I'm still not a fan like it only takes me approximately zero seconds longer to type out whole words than to use individual letters I don't know I'm not a fan of texting abbreviations for a lot of reasons I think if I'm sending you a text, you're worth that time. Well, I feel differently about different abbreviations I mean I don't really like just. The letter you kinda think it looks childish and silly. But like I have a friend that texts me Ju j, you lake in that's like his slang like the way that he talks and he like uses that as like how juene in it's like an Esa Jay you and I like I think that's cute and funny and I kind of like that. But like. That doesn't everyone can't pull that off. And and I think you know it's like very Different, based on the word I also feel very strongly that t h Chau is a great abbreviation for the word though spelled out but but I don't like you for you so. That's just personal preference. I'm like I'm like a whole word typer whole word Texter word out. No but maybe that's just because I am a little uptight about things and maybe I need to relax and maybe I can start being a sloppy abbreviated. I'm not going to start using though or do or. You don't know why don't you tell us like what kind of text language do you like? I don't know. But. I think we should start talking about some other texting guidelines in my example right. There is just a pretty basic one but if you're using texts for anything other than casual conversations with your friends or family or romantic partners, even you know if they're new friends or new romantic partners or parents who don't understand what some of those abbreviations mean like I think you know using pretty. I don't Wanna a formal language but using complete language in using sentences that make sense probably pretty important. I'M GONNA put that out there like number one like speak to the audience like text to the audience like make sure you're using texts that makes sense. Yeah and so yeah, we're GONNA go through some of these kinds of like overall tech sky into it tour calling techs ticket Like the etiquette for attack stain like how should this kind of look socially what our expectations socially around texting and I think that you know this is very different based on age and gender and background where you live and all of these things impact. You know kind of what text-speak sounds like an Andrews exactly right like who you're attacks Jane, you need to actually change. Your language in your taxation, depending on who your audience is and who that's going to, and one thing you know as you're thinking about, this is like when you're texting someone say on a dating up or someone that you've just met and you're getting to know and you're doing that over overtaxed, you can expect the are in the same text arena language game that you're in right into. Into where Oh let's bring back I. Get texted on dating APPS when I'm on them, I n t o question mark like what Inter what? Movies. Food No I mean absolutely being really thoughtful about what you say. I mean especially on something like a dating APP because that's going to be some of the first impressions that you make with someone. Sure you have nice profiles. Sure. You have a picture. That you like in the daylight, but if you come off sounding like. A. I don't know sound sounding like someone who's bad at communication or somebody who's using all kinds of jargon that someone else doesn't understand. I mean, it makes for a bad impression. It probably makes it. So the person's not going to be interested in you or respect what's going on. So just be really careful with that. It's like you can let your real text self out slowly of time. Like I have different things at subway friends that I do in texts that are like childish. Text with each other but like I don't let someone new see that form of texting for a while. They have to really get to know me before they get my real textile. I've a question for you about your. Your capital letters ever and no punctuation, your real tek self or tax south. Okay. I was wondering what I've never had like a capital letter in a single good day. Bad Day fight day. Upset Day. Sad Day joy day now. The letter and almost I don't think I've ever had a punctuation mark either from you have to look at a lot of pex marks actually. But in unless it's just a one phrase than it wouldn't have a punctuation mark. Yes I I have very specific textual I love to leave out words a lot also I. Like to leave out verbs quite a bit but that's like that's when you're like that's when you're deep knowing may leg that's like. So, what I'm saying as you stay at this level of no, your audience and you start with a little bit cleaner version of your texts south because we all know that we get very sloppy overtaxed and that's not what you want to present to people especially people that you don't know as well. I mean a lot of that's about like how do you wanna sound like you should want WanNa sound light you wanna sound Poe light I mean just there's a lot of things that. You can do with the texts for me texting is kind of communication that's a lot like speaking to another person so it's not like a formal written conversation like email it's what you would say to another person out loud and to figure out if it's appropriate or if it's the way that you wanna be perceived, read what you're texting out loud to yourself if it sounds good if it makes sense if it sounds like you especially the you that you want the other person to be perceiving. Good to go right. So redo. I think reading out loud is so important because a lot of times you let let me just say this. So a lot of what we're talking about today is like some of these like harder conversations that we're having over tax rate. So winner trying to figure out if you like someone or if they like you or like what's happening behind the scenes or if you're in a fight with someone so we're talking about these a little bit more complicated texts scenarios and when we're thinking about those, let me just say someone is going to read the tax you sent them out loud to their friends. So you WanNa read it out loud for. You to hear what that's going to sound like my mouth is open with the brilliance of what Dr Hoover just said right there. Dr Cooper of texting unveils a real reason why you should read your text out loud I because the person you're sending them to probably going to read them out loud their friends. And here's the thing when you have a dramatic reading of your text. Done you WanNa make sure you sound like the same one in with that, we're going to take a short break. So think about the sanity of textile and we'll be right back. Thanks everyone. Introducing maneuver is in business unlimited plans. Now you can pick a plan for his lowest thirty dollars a month per line with auto-pay, get five G. nationwide plus massive data capacity plus spam blocking features, and with Reisen business unlimited, you can mix and match the right plans for your business. So you get more of what you need and none of what you don't from verizon the network businesses rely on five t nationwide available in eighteen, hundred plus cities on most Visi. Five G. DEVICES MONTHLY proline pricing with five plus lines on Biz unlimited start device payment, smartphone purchase auto pay, and pay for free billing required terms apply. Now that I'm GonNa read every text ever send out loud again for the rest of my life. Talk about. Some other expectations, right. So texting comes with rules. It comes with expectations and I mean I noticed one of the biggest issues for people in my life is they expect everyone to be texting. Immediately back like on their schedule. I think that. If you WANNA be a good texter, a good friend you have to realize that texting cannot be everyone's priority all the time like when I teach do something really terrible you want. WanNa. Hear what it is. Everyone put their phones away. Don't let them take them out in this. There's like a specific moment for it. So I force all of the people in all of my classes ever to new text for an hour and a half or three hours straight. I know. So, imagine though like if you get mad at someone because they have this awful person name Andrew in their life. You're paying fifty thousand dollars to be in my classroom you better pay attention to me. I don't get the money everybody. That's just how much it costs. Yeah I mean. So we do have a lot of expectations around relationships and friendships whatever type relationships he's are right and and we we lay all of those right on our taxed x our TEX back dacians tech speculations. Expectations as well and yeah. So you can't expect that just because you're available right now that the other person's GonNa be available and we've talked about that before if you WanNa have a serious conversation over attacks like sending texts, I saying like is now an okay time like start this text conversation with you so that you're. So if there is something that you want someone to be there like in that moment like check. In, about that I but also like just because you think someone is to text you back like that day they might not be operating under that Lake like Andrew like you know he gets all these texts and then later in the day, he feels like he has to deal with them and it doesn't feel great to him and so like maybe Andrew doesn't reply to some of those people until the next day and guess what? That's great because that's Andrew taking care of himself, and that means that other people that you're texting might be doing that as well and like they could turn their phones off at a certain time of night because they want to have space from their phone and get a good sleep and and there's all sorts of reasons that people might not tax back until the next day or a couple of days later, and all of those reasons are fine for me. I said phone so that you can see if I've read your text. So you know that I'm not just ignoring you. I know I don't the thing for me is I don't want anyone. To feel ignored, it's just you know life gets really busy and I get over well-made with messages and I don't want I. Don't want anyone to ever feel bad that I didn't get back to them right away. So I I always let them know if I've read it or not, and I do eventually get back but I agree with Spring my phone leave in a different room. So I leave it on the couch in the living room by my computer and I sleep in my bedroom without it. So if anyone text me after I go to bed until I get up in the morning and walk the dog and get to my phone like. My friends I'll know that you're not going to get a text back in that timeframe but if you don't know if you have weird expectations with me about texts, I mean you're GonNa feel pretty hurt by me just living my life and setting up pretty reasonable boundaries about my availability for texts with you and you know all of this is actually related to our screen life balance, which is You know everyone's screen life balance is so out of proportion all the time but especially during crime tape. And so like so many people are just right now. So overwhelmed by looking at screens so much that they're trying to put more boundaries in place around that, which I think we all should be, and that feels like very healthy and very good and also recognize that you know that is something we should be doing and you shouldn't get angry if somebody is you know responding to you and time that's a couple of days away or whatever, and if you are angry about it. Then, you set up a time to have a conversation with that person about it like if it is really bothering you or if you feel like there is some underlying message that's trying to be conveyed there. Then that's when you set up a time to either have tax harmonisation when you're both available at the same time or a phone conversation or you talk about it next time you're in person. Absolutely. But we're talking a little bit more generally now about friends I, think some of these rules change. Once again, if you're dating someone and I just WanNa put out there I've see people have talked I see it all the time on the Internet like you wait a certain amount of time after a date detect somebody or you wait a certain amount or you make them wait or if you're ever in a situation where you're will you WanNa talk to somebody and you're not doing it to cause them emotional anxiety about your relationships you're a bad person you're not about person. Advice from the world and from the Internet about building real connections. Now, you don't have to run in and tech something right away. But all of those rules you see about like wait one day for this in two days for this and if you really WanNa, make them upset and then feel relieved when you talk to them three days later, all of that is really manipulative advice where you're being. Disingenuous win about your feelings and you're probably GONNA end up hurting the other person in. If you follow those rules, your chances of the leading to a happy successful relationship or if you're just looking for sex for leading to happy successful sex are really decreased right you're playing games with your emotions in someone else's emotions in you're using text really manipulative way. So waiting those days in times, it's all ridiculous. It's based off of memes from the seventies and eighties. When you call somebody back texting is not calling right? It's a synchronous and you get to think about it in it doesn't put you on the spot at a dozen. Put them on the spot soapbox canceled. Good. Yeah. I mean I think that it's just important to do what feels right to you and then notice what comes up in how other people are responding. So if people are waiting longer, it seems like every time to reply to you like you can observe like is that true is that really what's happening like what else might be going on in their life? Like do a little bit of reflection there and then if you're feeling upset about it Then, you can reach out to them and talk to them about that because you don't WanNa, make any assumptions based on tax dame because what we do now is that everybody has different expectations about how it should go and you don't want to assume that the other person's expectations are the same as yours. So you WANNA be able to say, okay what's really happening here like this person has a texted me back for a couple of days is that because they're trying to send me a message or is it because they've been really busy or is it because their phone fell into the Basque? I do have a really funny texting story. Do you want to hear it? Okay. I was walking Down College Avenue at Penn. State. When I was a Grad student at Penn State and I was walking with a my friends kristen an their their siblings and I, get a text on my blackberry and I pick it out and I look at my phone and it's from our friend Daniel look at it and I'm like whatever and I put it back in my pocket and he's walking behind us and he sees me do it. So I like real time ghosted somebody. Other three friends and that's one of those times where I'm like, okay that's right from now on I. That was my the spark Rome. It can't be a jerk with tech stay. In Daniel. Still brings it up Daniel I know you listen to this so I ask For that real time ghosting where I cut you out of that conversation and you met up with us about two minutes later cozy Thai for Thai food. So I am sorry. I Miss Cozy Tie I know. Hey totally forgot about cozy. Okay. Let's take another quick break because now. We're GONNA get into some real specifics. Are you ready? All right. I've waited long enough. Welcome back everybody. Today we are talking about texting and texting etiquette. And something I thought that would be really useful. Tech Spring is a master texter. And I, we came up with some situations where she's going to give you some really good advice on how to handle them So I think the first situation that I wanNA talk about comes up pretty frequently. Ready. Yeah. Okay, you are in a fight in your girlfriend texted you don't text me anymore. Yeah, it's so painful when you get that tax and. There's a lot of options, right? You can tap them voice milk. Yeah, you could ignore them you can text your kid, let call them. UKULELE. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of choices you can just totally not reply at all but often when this happens like that means that you know there's a lot of hurt feelings on both sides and you do need to send attacks tax to that acknowledges this and that states you know some boundaries and the like clearly says what's going to happen next so there is a reply to this checks. He if someone says like `Tax-mania more and if you just don't taxed, no, one's going to be happy with that. So there is a one text that happens here and only one text so. So you say, okay, I will respect your boundaries. Please let me know when you feel comfortable talking about this further. So you acknowledge it and then say that you will respect that and tell the certain time, and if you need to say like something, maybe you may be one thing you could add would be like I am hope that we could discuss this by tomorrow afternoon or something like if you kind of want to say that you're expecting that you need to clear this up by a certain time you could add that but it needs to. Stay very short it should not be a paragraph tax explaining anything it should not say you know any other like follow up stuff you're like wanting to get to. It should be acknowledgement that you will respect their boundaries because they are clearly stating a boundary and no matter what kind of fight you're in you always WanNa respect somebody that you love boundaries. So you respect that and you acknowledge it and you say that, and then you may be add like let's aim for maybe trying to communicate at this time and you don't get to text them back. Any. Of, this the next day you have to wait you have to wait. And that's it. Don't go calling the friends or texting their friends and asking what the situation is. If you're respecting boundaries, it means that your talk to your friends but don't go talk to their friends like. Just be really careful because if you say you're gonNA respect someone's boundary and then you disrespect that boundary essentially you've said that you don't respect that person enough to give them space to think or time to heal or time to cool down whatever the situation is and I mean I really love the way that spring is setting this up where you're talking about respecting that other person and giving them the space that they need the process or whatever else, and then you take. Time and process as well. But you don't get detects them back. As soon as you send that text, you are done texting them until they reopen lines of communication with you, and also Andrew said about this don't tax their friend or their other. There are people to like check them. That's so important because you know what that person's GonNa screen shot and send it to your person, and then you're person's GonNa be even more angry at you and just remember that screen shots. Are Everywhere. And anytime you're Tuxedo. Adults about. that. It's GONNA get right back to them. So we're going to read it out loud. So if you do send it. Radius. Ext.. Okay so you've been on a date with someone and you realize that you want to see them again. So let's make this a date with a girl. You WanNa see her again. What do you say? Okay. It's interesting because this this varies very varies very much. Dependent on weather this is a girl girl boy girl boy boy any other genders they get it really has very different connotations in tyler relationships and so if this is heterosexual and guy has been on a date with a girl and he wants to see her again So there's just kind of like some general guidelines that we want to think about here. So if you've been on one date, you're still at this like polite stage and you don't WanNa be too casual you don't WanNa. Be Too jokey USA very clearly I would like to see you again and then suggest a couple of. Times, and this whole thing about like the rules that we were kind of talking about all the rules about that TEX ticket apply but none of the rules about certain times or like how long you need to wait or anything. So we cover that very clearly you've been on a date you want to see them again great send them a message and tell them that and and even if that person doesn't want to see you again that tax to saying that you know I would really like to see you again how about this time where this time is always going to be received well. Because that is a very complimentary taxed, and so no matter how that other person feels it will either be like, no I'm sorry I can't do that or yes I would love to and so you want to set the APP in that way that it is just you know a direct question and not vague and not like, oh, we should chill again or like something like you WanNa be very direct and clear at this stage I? Really like you and had fun today last night and I'd like to get together again. Are you available for coffee or billable for dinner available for whatever it is now? We're talking about dates. You should like dinner and a movie is a terrible day like these are things that should be fun and exciting or interesting that get you moving around. But anyway, just propose that in it and and you know I think the issue with this part of texting is that it requires a lot of vulnerability because you're putting how you feel or what you want out there in the most real way. Possible. It will exist forever it's text it's not just words on a phone. It's not just words out loud. This is saying that concrete evidence like a there might be something here and You're vulnerable and one of the great things about vulnerability is that real relationships real love real friendships all circle around and require vulnerability. The bad part is if the other person doesn't feel the same way and you put yourself out there, it can lead to some real heartbreak but I mean, if you're in seeing the person again and you think it's worth it then putting it out there. Emmy mean being vulnerable about it is really important and I, think that's like vulnerability is the real downfall for a lot of people in texting we live in a world that expects us to be perfect that wants social media to be perfect that wants all of our aspects of our life to look perfect. But looking perfect means that you have a life that's completely absent of being vulnerable, which means you end up alone and lonely so True. And and this other part of this is that you know. You do WANNA be vulnerable. You DO WANNA. You know say what you want and like ask people that directly and and also you want to be considerate their emotions and their space and not being overly vulnerable Lake through tax and just sharing so much stuff kind of dumping and like doing that as well over shares. That's what I said experience said you want the text to be kind of simple but you also have to send it with an awareness that the other person might come back and say, no and you have to be okay with their response of. Like. No. More of this like he's a nice guy nonsense or no more of like all of the like the stories around like you know guys paying an expecting to get something from it. It's I had a good time I? Think you know I wanna see you again here are some suggested times and if they say, no rejection is not comfortable but. You'll be. Okay. Yeah and that's lake and it's when you don't do that clearly that it is more painful on either side. So if you're just doing like, oh I I mean, I hate that tax lake we should hang out again and it's just like open ended right because like you don't really know if the person even means it like if you're not suggesting a time suggested, let's do it this week or this day or like whatever than it actually means nothing. So it needs to be specific because it causes more pain whether you like them or whether you don't like them either way. No. Clare. No let's hang again and this is your best friend and you've been hanging out with them for months and years as a very, very different texts. So, we're not saying you can't. Let's hang out like spring and I was hang out is totally awesome but. Why I live in New York Andro you WANNA hang out on zoom great I'm taking my screen. I used to do so many zoom happy hours and game hours, and now at the end of the day, I'm just like. Nomorza anyway, let's say another one he explicit and here we go. Okay I think another scenario that kind of builds off the last one. You've been on several dates but haven't heard from him at all in a few days. What are you text? on the island has leg Kryptonite, so I am a pretty good texter in pretty good at getting back. You know and I I feel personally attacked when someone hasn't responded in a few days. Even if I know I'm in good standing with that person like nothing has happened like there's no reason that they could be. If. They have. It replied to texted a few days or they haven't. Made a plan again with me after a week or something I lake start to imagine all the worst. So I think that the main suggestion for this when you haven't heard from someone but like you have no reason to believe that anything is wrong. Then you have to number one take a deep breath. Okay I'm doing now. Take a deep breath. And then you have to trust that nothing's actually wrong because you didn't get nfl nothing bad happened like you have to trust that and then you can send a text that is very casual. So you don't send a text where you're like Oh my God I have heard from you in days like what the? Or what is going on or what is up? Okay I told you this is my genera. What he wanted to episodes in a row I know I am like so worked up right now. If you will you. Ask Them. What's going on? You can send a casual tax lake H-have, just checking in how are you like? It has to be super casual because there's nothing wrong and you have to remember that nothing's wrong and you have to get out of your own head and you are allowed to text again that's fine or not. There's no days. There's no things like that. That apply here if you want a text again, if you're feeling like you need some contact with that person, you are allowed to tax and you just be casual and know that all of this other stuff is in your head and don't bring it up. At Them I. Still Think there should be a three to one texting ratio like like you you get three texting situations over x period of time but I mean Lali so I disagree for a lot of reasons because. Send like if you're a person where you sound like three short tax like all Bam, Bam. Bam. In a row then like that isn't the same as like three over the course of a week without a reply or something, and also I really WanNa talk about the back the tap back. Okay. So when I say three techs I mean you get like three thoughts and some people have shorter texts like spring writes more shorter texts I, write. Extensive paragraph texts, so you would get one. METEX. Multiple spring texts. Because often, if someone's not responding to you, it means there's a lot of things going on in your life. It doesn't mean you're not a priority. It just means that other things pop up. And especially, like like spring said, if you know there's no reason for the person to get mad at you. It's in your head in it's probably in your head because other people have hurt you with texting before and if you're taking previous hurts and putting them on New People that can create some really negative situation. So it takes just take a moment of reflection in saying you know it's not anything I've been hurt in the past and I don't like this but. I'm going to not have that you know take that previous hurt in put it onto my next relationship or other people. Okay. So spring tell us about the taback sell in a lot of forms of messaging. You can do a like a reply to a message by like double clicking right and you can like do a heart or you can do thumbs up or. Whatever and so that's like back you can like tap apply without actually sending words or even the an Emoji emojis apply right and the TAT back is not actually a reply. So I wanna say that you know this is I. Think a general texted that I wanNA throw back in there. So if someone has texted you and you just like heart their message. That's acknowledgement sure but you still need to reply to it because if someone has texted you something, they're telling you for a reason and even if it's just a cool or an ll our thanks for sharing or Ella Mayo John, how funny it was like you still do need to reply to them because that Tabak is you know showing a reaction as showing like how you felt about it, but it leaves that person hanging and that doesn't feel good to be on the other end. Of that. So that's another texting at thing like always actually send a message in reply to someone messaging you sometimes I use the tech features when I really don't know what to say or don't want to reply or feel like I'm forced to respond. It's mostly embiid group messages, big groups of people. That's why I don't feel like I have to put much in but that's really good thought process because I notice myself doing that like I'm putting less energy into this than I should. I also think it's when he said L. A. O. Like I don't I I struggle with that because I don't have an ass so if I l. m a than. It seems like on lying to somebody 'cause there's nothing to laugh off anyway everybody. Ready to keep going lettuce apple more situations that I want to talk about today. Okay. So you didn't really like somebody that you went on a date with and they texted you asking are you free this weekend? They a thing they followed up with us very clear vested, and then how do you respond when you're not actually interested and I? Think this is one of the main problems with texting that people are not good at this specific taxed and it shows up in a lot of different ways it shows up you know even deeper and relationships shows up a lot of times when you don't want to hurt someone's feelings and so what people do when they don't want to hurt someone's feelings on text the ghost them yeah, and that is bill worst texted. So that is not the response. So if someone says like Harry Free and you don't want to hang out with them. You, clearly tell them that. So if they say, Hey, are you free and you are free and you don't WanNa hang out because I don't suggest line a you don't just say Oh sorry not free this weekend because then they'll keep asking you don't. Yes what you need to say as like say, say it's like a very new and like this instance whereas you've been on a day whence with them. Then you say like I really enjoyed meeting you. I really enjoyed whatever activity I didn't really feel a spark with you I wish you luck in finding someone that you really spark with like you. You tell them very clearly I didn't feel that and I. Wish you the best and that is a beautiful clear like I don't want any more text from you. It's very like it's very, very nice and there is no hurt feelings there I mean it's all about kindness and honesty and you can be kind and you can be honest with texts but ghosting people is the opposite of kindness in it's the opposite of honesty lying to people is the opposite of good communication I mean sure I, I understand why people don't WanNa, let others down but you're not really letting them down. Right you're letting them free to pursue other people or to pursue other relationships, and that's a lot more important than stringing them along. And there's a lot of bench warming that happens I think text to where people don't respond or like the development of booty calls or being second best and I think that all of those things get in the way of all parties involved forming better relationships. So I really like springs text. Feel like I should be writing these down I'm not from illness dating right now but Just, you know. I. Didn't feel the spark in I'm setting you free to go see other people and thank you for your time and thank you for the the things that we did do. Yeah. I mean I have been on some really really terrible dates in my past and I. Don't know if I was necessary Sara Lee the most clear because I was terrified of hurting somebody else. But I realized that by me not saying the those kind of things like I didn't feel the spark I lead people on and led to a lot more hurt than you know just a few minutes of rejection. Let me just tell you this way reflate, which I think is so telling I had a date with a guy this is probably like a year ago and he was very nice and I I felt nauseous with him. We went to a dance thing we barely even danced together like, but it was a fun event and The next day, I felt like I had to text him and say like Oh how good time we should do it again even though I didn't really feel any spark with him and so I sent that text and I like I feel kind of icky about it but I was like, oh. That's a nice thing to do. I should just say that and I. Was Kinda thinking like I don't really WANNA. See Him and but and then he texted back hey, you know I didn't really feel like we were a great match but best of lack and I had a great time and he said something like that and I was like number one. So relieved and then I was so I was like I was like, thank God. Then, I was so mad at myself that I had sent that first text that said that I was like I just did what I knew I shouldn't do and I win against my intuition and then like, but I was like so grateful that he like actually said that unlike you which I am still so grateful and I think that is amazing I think it. Was So great that he had that like clarity and could do that and and then I was like I need to be more like that like I need to be able to state my needs and not just be afraid of hurting someone's feelings and like, and you don't have to hurt someone's feelings by letting them down. You can do it very directly and kindly. Now someone responds negatively to any of this or if they start, you know calling you names or talking about you know like Oh women are this or whatever. It is blocked them and never looked back and I mean I think that after you've been kind if someone responds to that kindness with like negatively or vicious attacks, don't waste your time with them. Any further you did everything right and got a letter echo. Let's do one more we need at this. All. Right. So I think this is a really fun. Because this is all about that weird murky middle ground so You've met someone and you've been texting with them, but they don't seem to understand that you're interested in them. warned doom. Yeah. So this is a thing where sometimes you think you're being flirty and the other person doesn't read that into your messages or sometimes you think the other person's being flirty, but you're not sure and that can be very confusing over texting. Is it like? Are we just texting and get into our? We like you met this person maybe lake you know in real life and you just exchange numbers and then you're like just trying to figure out if that person's flirting with you or not and yeah, it is so hard and. I hate to tell you, but you're going to have to be direction clear again. If they came of this. I really like spending time with you. And then what what comes after that like? Because because when you're in the stage where you like have met someone and like, and maybe it's like not through a dating APP right? You've met leg through a friend or something and like you don't even know if that person single and like seems like they're texting you a but is it flirty or is that just the way they taxed and like and you don't know and that this can all like lead to a lot of uncertainty and and then it feels like very uncomfortable because you're trying to like you're trying to figure out all of the things that could be behind the meaning of the attacks and you're trying to read this person's mind and you're hoping that they could read your. That is the worst situation for any type of communication, right? So. In this case, you need to be and clear, and so if you've been texting with them and you're interested in flirting and you're interested in like being slur day, then you need to directly communicate and ask them that and addict pic. was. Never a time. Addictive. Built someone's interested. Sell hard. They're stuck right now. I mean a lot of what we're talking about sounds like you need to build up some texting bravery. It sounds like you need to model some of these conversations with your good friends sounds like you need to read some of these text out loud from the other person. You know have some people around you help make these assessments and then it seems like you have to ask some direct questions in once again, be a little bit vulnerable in say like A. I kind of like, You d like like me or do you. Say That like in this instance like you are having to be vulnerable in you're putting yourself on the line a little and I've definitely been in this scenario. I had to tell someone. Very directly like Hey we've been texting a lot and I'm actually interested in being a little more flirty and maybe going on a date with you is that something you're interested in and I am like felt very uncomfortable for me to say that because I thought I was sending cues through my tax and that person didn't seem to be picking up on them and then when I said that they were like Oh, of course like. I said they had no idea and I thought I had so many cues that they would like obviously pick up on and like I thought like I had sent like photos of me doing things and they were like Oh and I there like harding them. So I thought Oh, they're like flirting with me but they weren't they were just like being a nice person and didn't realize that I was trying to with them and so sometimes you just need to say. Hey I'm interested in this are you and and then everything becomes much easier. Once again, have to say that with the awareness that it might be a no. and. That's okay. But at least you know at that point and you can move forward and make you know spend your emotional energy somewhere else if it's no because it's limited in I mean one of the worst feelings is wasting emotional energy on someone who's not worth it or doesn't fulfil you or is not going to give it back so. But texting is rough right and texting can be fun in Tennessee can be sexy. We have a whole episode about sexting out there But I think this is a really Nice boot Camp I think we should have a lot more of the style where we talk about some really communist use that a lot of people face and then use them of our expertise. How do we handle these situations? have any final words Dr Cooper today. I have a period joke for us today and my period I mean period. But you know it's a ridiculous joke and I'm so excited about it. Can I just the tip it real quick before you? All right. Just a typical ahead. Any everybody just the tip for today is read those text out loud because you know whoever gets them is going to be reading them out loud and if you can read it out loud and not sound like a crazy person, the narrative or. Of becoming a crazy person on the other side is going to be a lot more difficult to create anyway read them. There we go. Okay. Sorry. That wasn't just a tip that was just a lovely piece of advice from spring. I'm ready I think for the period. Okay So I was texting with us none and things were getting pretty hot but then she totally stopped replying, can you believe that what happened? Nuns had cell phones she holy ghosted me. Okay goodbye everyone. Oh. Wow. While Ra So If you have any questions or follow up questions about this episode. Feel free to reach out to us or any other questions about relationships or love or sexual health or anything else under that umbrella. We'd love to hear from you. You can email your questions where the sex rapid mill dot com you can call us at four, one, three rapid and you should check out our social media were really active on instagram twitter and facebook at the sex rap and that's the W. Thanks for listening everyone tax me. For everything that you are too afraid to ask at home too embarrassed to ask at school. Or just to the little. Music for this episode provided by the ever elusive and mysterious brake master cylinder.

Andrew Andrews WanNa Dr Cooper Daniel partner Dr Cooper Emma Guide Shali Ginsburg timmy Texas Spring verizon Emmy Rome I lake Alec Thirteen
Episode 209 | Kirsten of MagicalKake

Detour To Neverland

52:45 min | 1 year ago

Episode 209 | Kirsten of MagicalKake

"Welcome to detour to never land where you are the author of Your Own Disney Story. There's a lot of satisfaction in developing ideas into realities. Indie can find magic in your everyday life. If you do what you really want to do you feel like you're playing? How can you write your first chapter today? Greens figure out where we WANNA. Go? Is How we get there. I it this way. Your host Brendan and Catherine. Welcome, back to. Detour. Today episode episode number two, hundred nine. Thank you so much for joining us. We're happy to spend our Monday morning with you. We're so excited to share an interview with you guys today with our friend Kirsten from magical cake. We talked so much about curator style, how to stick with it over time in what to do. Once you finally get that growth that you're looking for. At it's it's very insightful and you know it's a conversation that we wanted to have for a long time. You know just how to create something that you're proud of and follow through with it. So that further do we're GONNA turn it over the Kirsten and she's going to introduce herself in share one rain. In fact, you may not know about her from social media. All. Right. Well, in my name is Kirsten I, am originally from Memphis Tennessee currently living in Orlando is been here for a maybe a little over forty days. It seems like I've been here for two years, but not too long here to you know live out by Disney dream and with my friends too great place to be but I am. I guess something that I people don't know about me from. INSTAGRAM. I really love nature I. Really Love Plants Up. I'm trying to trying to turn my thumb green I don't have one of those. I. You know trying to keep all my plants alive and surround myself with. Beautiful, green. Basically nature in my room and it's it hasn't been working out for me, but I'm trying. So one day we're going to keep the plants alive. But gardening is kind of a newer new hobby of mine so slowly, but surely trying to keep planes live. I feel like so many people have picked that up recently. It feels like it is truly underrated like if you act just born with a green thumb. I mean that is that's a gift right there because if you're not, it is impossible. I agree. I agree Quarantine. People are bored were trying things that we probably have no business doing. I have no business planting things. But we're going to try. Since. We are now in the Orlando area as well. Want to send it to you after I saw a talk the other day, and it was like the world's largest succulent and tactile arm is in Orlando a while. Okay. I have a thing for succulents because they're low maintenance. They claim to be low maintenance, and in somehow we still ended up killing them all. Yeah I kill those to. The the lifespans a lot longer you know. Can Get some good use out of succulents. This House. Will all continue working. Maybe someday, we'll get there. I feel like even like favors are now it's more popular to give than anything. It's very strict. This not a baby shower. Who Now? But we want to lay that foundation for our listeners to learn and to be able to relate to your Disney stories of you could share that with us. You know, how did you fall in love with it? How has it grown over time and what are the steps along the way? Yeah, so you know, I don't ever really remember a time in my life where Disney wasn't in the picture in until it was introduced to May. Vary early, you know I see videos of me my. Second or third birthday and my third Christmas when I actually can play with toys, all the toys around there. The Little Mermaid, my first trip to Walt Disneyworld. I was three years old I. Do not remember it. But when I was seven years old, that's actually the first Disney world trip that I do remember in from there. I would say that that's when my my deep-rooted obsession in love of Disney parks kind of started and I you know I would. Talk to my friends in my cousins until it about how Disney parks they were superior to universal, and they were superior to six flags and all these other parks when I was seven years old and so that's kind of where. My. Love of Disney started and you know. How we got the INSTAGRAM, it all spiraled from there and. We would go there every other year, my family would go to Disney Just. It was our family trip in. So we all had happy memories there. My parents got along and my sister. She would come on the trips with us. It was it was a great time in. So you know I have a lot of really happy memories with the Disney parks in. So I as far as. When I started my Instagram, I would say the last trip that we went to Disney I was in high school I. Think I was sixteen years old after that. There was an eight year gap. Between when I had gone to. Disney park. In. So I, you know win on the study abroad trip to Japan. And at that moment I knew I was like if I'm going to Japan, I cannot leave Japan without going to Tokyo Disneyland, so I you know I, convinced my group. That, we needed to go there the very last week of the trip we went to. Tokyo Disneyland an after I came back that summer I. Just I don't know I just had a spark in something in me was like you know I have to get back to Disney, and so I spent my summer figuring out how I would get back to Disney in in then I discovered the Disney College Program I did get accepted to that program I got accepted in September? Twenty, fourteen. I are twenty, thirteen. Sorry and I worked for Disney, for Year in after that I've just been basically throw my pictures on instagram pretty much. About setting the bar high. Tokyo, Disneyland be Your re-introduction. The. Parks I feel like I mean, that's that's where people in their Disney Jerry. Reese. there. Yeah. I mean, it was great. I. One thing that stuck out to me, I I mean, obviously it's. It's very similar. I was only able to go to Tokyo. Disneyland. Because we only had one day in I have to get back. So I can go to Tokyo Disney sees, but you know it was very similar and we wrote like rides that I remember know Big Thunder Mountain and Splash Mountain in space mountain and I just remember this we were in line for Splash Mountain and the guest you know she is with her daughter she's in the fast pass line in wearing the regular line and You know all of us. We stand out because we're American. Were you know different races and different shapes in heights and everything, and so we stand out and she's like the line and she just does it. She kinda turns around and she's like, Hey, would you guys like to ride fast slash mountain and we were all confused like, yeah. A sure. She's like, Hey, come with me and she had this pass were apparently her daughter was too short to get on the ride, and so now she had like an unlimited pass to ride. Splash. Mountain. Is Like walkup as many times as she wanted for the year in, it was like a magical moment in sparked something in me so. is so cool and who even knew that was possible. I mean how random but I feel like I mean like Brennan said, that's something that people never get the opportunity to for that to kind of completely turn everything on its head for you, and then you know bring you back to Disney almost permanently I mean, that's a pretty big moment. In I had no idea but I. You know I've been I tried to get my friends in. To go to establish like group friendships to Disney and none of them ever stuck, and you know around that time, it was like you know the. Early late the late early two thousands in. Financially like things change for my parents and we just weren't going as much in. I just after that, I was like I can't live without Disney anymore. I know obviously DP is so popular and in so. Many people's entry into finding this deeper level of appreciation or deepal deeper level of fandom. Did you know going into it that it was something that you wanted to take it a step further that you wanted to document it, and you wanted to make a project out of it and share your love for it with a broader audience. So I actually I decided. I. Wanted To do the C. P.. I. I, it's hard for me to remember, but essentially, I stumbled upon people who were blogging and blogging about their experience. So I actually started of log. Where I documented my experience from the application like waiting for the application up into acceptance. I didn't do a very good job of logging after a Gothic. But pretty much like my experience from being a potential applicants to being accepted in going through check in like that's documented on Youtube in the dips and up. So I went into it and I know a knew that I wanted to document my experience. I didn't necessarily I didn't necessarily have a goal I just. Wanted to share my experience with other people because I knew it something where when people apply to the D., C., heavily rely on that information about what the interviews are like, what how you should be the phone interview with the waiting process? What are the cues to know that acceptances are about to come out and so I knew people were looking for that information in. So I just wanted to provide that information in also kind of document my journey. I also started Disney bounding that summer. That was kind of you know it's. It's really a waiting game. You know I decided that I wanted to apply in June after I left my Tokyo trip in May. But the applications for the spring season didn't drop until August in September. So it really was a waiting game and you know my coping mechanism. I stumbled upon Disney bounding on Pinterest in. So you can also in the depths. Really. Old Disney, bounce that I have. So I I love this experience I started putting bounds on Instagram, and so my journey started there. But at that time I didn't really have a goal. So that didn't come until later. I know if there's any potential DP listeners out there would be remissed. Didn't ask, did you get the role that you wanted and if you did or did not, you know, how did you adjust and how was that experience? Yes. So I actually saw when you when you do your interview, they ask you at least back when I did it. That was that was in the dark ages but. They, ask you what your top three roles were and I said, I wanted either bitty Bobby Boutique. I wanted attractions or wanted merchandise in attractions. So I did get one of my top three roles that was like my second choice out of the three. So I, I honestly I think cured the C. P. Experience, it is heavily reliant on roles. You know not gonNA lie like there're certain roles where people have more turnover and more people wanting to leave the others. But I in attractions I feel like attractions is a great setup and I couldn't have asked for better to rides to half I had Winnie the Pooh in the Madhi Party and they were great. Those are fun I know. These are really cute and at least certainly the kind of the same area. We never happens, but it almost be weird to be in like Space Mountain, and then you know. Frontier land or something who UPN less onto Atlanta. Right. Yeah, you'd be assigned to a land and then of course like. You know if you're operating something like mine train, you can potentially be cross trained in a different area. But when your mind train your mind change, but poo and teacups are always there a couple. So if you if you get it that attraction, you get them both. I think you are exactly right that it does. You know you gotta go into it with an open mind. But I, I have so much respect for parking attendants. Our working astro orbiter out in the Sun L. S., they are dedicated and I have the utmost appreciation for them. Photo Pass lugging all that equipment around in the Sun. Yeah. I would have I would definitely be the photo pass wearing long sleeves in the floppy hat everything. I could to ask ticket this Sund- yeah. So. That, is such an amazing story and I think you have a very unique story obviously with Tokyo in having an international park being the spark. So kind of what were the steps afterwards that have grown into what it is today, and obviously you're doing so many fun things on instagram and on the blog and and you have so much going on and really built a community I'd say around a lot of your passions and a lot of your interest. So what were those steps that that got you there? Will I? Programme two fourteen to two consecutive programs after I. Left my program, I went back to Tennessee. So I moved to Knoxville. and. You know like. I. became the Disney person. So. You know my instagram it really when I was down here. The first time I was primarily posting about Disney because that's what I was doing. That's where I worked I. got to go there for free. You know that's what I did in my spare time. When I left I, found myself, you know coasting these. Oh, remember window data. You know, Oh, I, miss this like all of those photos in it. Just it kind of became a place for my dizzy memories in all these pictures that I had collected, but I had never posted. And then. You know people started. because. That's what I was posting. I became the Disney person. Every time someone wanted to talk to me. They're like a are you go into Disney anytime soon? People would think that I was in Disney, and I wasn't because of the pictures that I was posting and then. It was I would say spraying. A two thousand eighteen, I had started a new, a new role were in. You know I just felt like things were just very hectic in my wife and I needed an outlet. I needed a place to be creative, and so I started this blog. Where I basically would just talk about tips in in looking at Hashtags for house, you promote my blob. That's when I realized that there were. There was this instagram community because when I went down to Disney I grew up thinking that there were there weren't people like me who love Disney and when I went down there for my program I realize that there were a ton of people that. That did love Disney, and then when I realized that there was an instagram community in not only that, but there was like a black community. Of people who love Disney. That looked exactly like to me, they were, there are people my age. There were people that like my phantoms. That kind of gave me the push to be like, okay, like I can go full Lau in really put myself out there without any boundaries because I feel comfortable here in in the in from there it this was spring of twenty eighteen when I started my blog in shot off from there and I think somewhere along the line in Twenty nineteen i. I kind of then that's when I really got the goals as far as you know, okay, I'm GonNa Start Curate content because before when I first started my blog I was posting older pictures from older trips, and so then in twenty nineteen is when I started coming down here in specifically getting content for my instagram It's also twenty nineteen is when I started making friends in this community, which you all olive. All of the people are great and they all have project. Since I feel I have to support everyone in, you know be a part of their projects, and so I started creating content for that, and then started group bounding with friends and it just it blew up. Really did I. Think you know everyone can really relate to that moment of like finding this community because it is so crazy? Living in another state and being so far away that you don't realize that there are other people who feel like you like it's almost like you're on this little island and then the more digging you start to do the more you realize. That I. Mean, like you said, there's Thousands of other people you have your same interest in that, you can grow these friendships with and I. Think you know we've had that same experience where it does really allow you to kind of open yourself up and step into that creative role that without this community I don't think we would have ever. Found that in. Our. Sums. I. Agree. It's just I. Don't know I feel like I, have more confidence than I've had before. I. Feel more sure of myself in. You. Know you you you kind of go through the world and your you wonder whether or not. You should be a certain way with certain people in if your interest or cool in. You. Know it took me, it took me a long time. It took me up until a couple years ago to just be like I. I like nerdy things. I don't care. This is what I'm gonNA. Talk about this me this who I am. Here you go so. It took being in a community to realize I wasn't abnormal ended. There were people like me to really feel comfortable doing that. So. And I. Think you would probably agree that's like the most valuable thing that any. That anybody gets by joining an and having these discussions in. If you had told me five years ago, someday, you're going to go to Disney parks and you're GonNa meet up with friends that you met online through. Right. Absolute Insanity, but it happens all the time and even within the larger community you find, you know subcategories in. We talked to so many podcasters or I feel like you could even put out and say like I want to have a figment lovers united. This Day at this location and people that show up and just so insane to think about that. Yeah. It is it definitely is. I think that does kind of bring us to a lot of the things that you do on your social media that you mentioned as far as creating your own content, but you do support others I mean. So frequently in such beautiful ways, you know he did the frozen in July challenge. So how do you kind of decide what to participate in and how you're going to go about that? Do you have any tips for anyone else who is trying to? Get into that space. Yeah and you know as far as I guess I, do a lot of Disney bounds in styles. I know it's it's clothing focused and you know I. It's it's my process changed because I very much. You know was whatever's in my closet. This is what I'm going to style, and you know I kind of try to stick to that. But. If. If I know that someone you know I am. Friends wave or acquaintances wave or someone who supported me doing a project in? There's even remotely close to something in my closet and I just need to buy one thing like I'll only I will get on Amazon and I will I will get something to support that person. So I try to plan my stuff like the the content for me. Specifically, I tried to plan it out like weeks in advance and I. You know I've come gotten to this place for enlisted special day or something like that I i, don't really. It's not a big deal to me when I post a certain picture in it. I I like I want my grade till this way. Now, I just kind of post when I lake in. So I I allow myself to build up enough content you have. To not be able to stress for at least a month, and then you know when these challenges pop up when the Disney bound says, we've got a challenge next week. Then I'm scrambling and I'm looking in my closet, like what, what do I have now, we can I potentially borrow from a friend or is there something really cheap? I can get off Amazon that I. I know for a fact that I could use again in the future. So it. It's recently, it's really all over the place I used to be more organized now that I'm talking I'm not organized anymore. That's a balanced. That many people have to have, and we've had to figure that out of you know sometimes, you WanNa sit down and you want to go in and you want schedule all your post for the next two weeks, three weeks a month, whatever it might be. Then, you Kinda lose some of that. You know ability to enjoy it and you know posting something that's relevant to the time or whatever. It might be something you have to find that balance for sure. But but also when you do plan ahead and you don't have to stress about creating content than that allows you to have the conversations that you WanNa have that you can consume a lot of the content that you otherwise would be missing because you're spending time wearing about your own page and I think you know. You do that. So well of like Catherine said, you're supporting other creators and you're collaborating and you're having these discussions and you're you're putting out. I, think what everybody wants so badly to be able to have that space to do it. For. Sure it. You know I? Think. It's. I think the most important thing is making sure that the content is there and then just plug and play in decide where to where it fits. You know I I went to celebration a couple of weeks ago, and I took a photo in Agus Strawberry Headband. I realized that there was an ice cream shop. So I went in and bought an ice cream cone in I had no idea that a couple of weeks. Later, that national ice cream day was coming up. I just had this photo that I post on national ice cream day. So I just you know having a wide variety of things in. You know I like to. I don't. Particularly, do one type of outfit or one style in I just I just do what I like for the moment and plug and play you know. Like Disney bounding is to me, it's very overwhelming because I'm not. With any of those things, but it is such a fun. World to at least for me I just like to witness it. But I think part of it is something that mean Brennan have never participated in. But maybe we will now that in Florida. Chess onto I had to ask you about dapper days because I know. You, love it. What would be? Advice for newbies like us or what would you like? What's a good entry point? Maybe. Okay. I I think for a lot of people, Disney. Bounding seems unattainable, but it is not an you get better over time like as you do it, you start to realize what you feel comfortable and I try to showcase like bounds with my regular clothes. But Dabur Day, I do get theatrical. So I usually try to keep it for the most part I'm starting to change up my style a little bit, but I try to showcase bound sadder things that people could find in their closet So, that it does seem obtainable dapper days a little bit more theatrical I will say. It's horrid because the weather like you just never know it could be extremely hot or it can be extremely cold. So dapper day of two, thousand, eighteen was extremely hot like fallback per day the one in November. But this past Saturday twenty nineteen was extremely cold and so just. Have backups like how know have your outfit, but have like a sweater to pack Justin case because you just never know what the weather's going to be like in Florida, in the middle of November, it could be cold, could be hot comfortable shoes. Is a big thing. I, don't overwhelm yourself with. Being to any places I, know there are a lot of meet ups that happen on Dapper. Day, but kind of you know, find your meet up. Stick to it. Don't feel press to to show up to everything. You know. I think that's a big thing I tend to stretch myself on Dapper Day and show up to a bunch of different meet ups. But plan ahead plan early because what I find is I, try not to spend money on bounds, but my dapper day bounds usually end up I, usually end up spending a little bit more just for props and you know everyone wants to do in a time period. So Start Planning your when you're done with Spring Dapper, day plan fall dapper day that that's a good i. think that's probably the best advice is to plan ahead and starts slowly getting your pieces. That way you don't spend on. Maybe I'd like I said it's a little overwhelming. I'd have to go like deputies for beginners but I mean I. Love. Consuming that content like when it's Dapper, day like that's a field day on Instagram at some fun. Also. So the Saturday I find is usually a lot more laid back than Sunday and I can't tell you why. But Saturday is usually. Saturdays usually the better day I find, it's not actual Babar. Day Actual Babar Day is Sunday, but usually there's an event like there's a a Friday night eight mingle event which i. Feel like is really great to meet people Saturday, preapre in their stabber day on Sunday. My favorite day is usually always Saturday. So. That's good to know too, and I think that's funny that you mentioned the weather because. Florida weather is crazy but I feel like Tennessee weather is also very crazy. Tennessee Tennessee weather is very crazy. I would say the main difference is that in Tennessee. I. Usually can see it coming as far as whether or not. It's going to be cold or but I don't know like. There's a gradual change from it being cold too, not cold whereas here it could be cold in the morning in really hot in the the difference in temperature is in a lot like you know if you wake up in its says, it's going to be forty degrees in the morning and seventy and Tennessee. What you're going to get like you know it's going to be freezing in the morning and in feel good. But seventy here it's seventy here isn't right I don't like it. It's not warm. Were looking like a truthful radium. Yeah. I mean, it's like a bone chilling cold at seventy degrees. We have changed already, our thermostat used to always be said on seventy and Tennessee, and we've already. Part of its cost. We've already transitioned where seventy-three household now is big. But. I did want to head on since you have made the move recently like we did, how do you expect that to change your page or do you think it's going to stay pretty much the same, their new exciting opportunities looking forward. Yeah. It's definitely, it's first off, you know I I've made friends in this community. I create a lot with my friends in. So just being down here has. I feel like we're creating together a lot more. So that's one way that it's changed a also I, just the opportunity to be in the park in create content. I feel significantly less stressed knowing that I can go into the park and I just have to worry about. Content for however long, you know when I would come down here. I, would have photos shoots, I would get like seven months, worth of Contra, two months, worth of content in packed in full like four days in. I just I. Like that I feel like I can enjoy myself a little bit more in the park. I hate photo shoots. I don't have to have folks like photo shoots in the part. I just take photos and whatever outfit I'm in whatever food I'm eating in the moment, and that's good enough. I? Don't have to do any changes in the restroom I. Not, fun to. It a magic kingdom restrooms I just. Feel like because of that, I can enjoy myself a lot more I. Also, because I have two pages you know. Finding that balance of having unique content on both pages something that I'm still trying to work through and now that I'm here it's it's becoming a little bit easier in I have content safe for both pages in I still have work to do for sure but I it's headed in the right direction for me to be able to manage both of my pager. Is. Somewhat of a unique experience. So that's another thing. That is really exciting and I have exciting opportunity on Monday at Disney where they are actually You said this comes out on the tenth, right? Okay. Getting hosted. At Disney. For Epcot Food and wine, and that's the first time. I've ever had that opportunity and I would be stressed out of my mind wondering if I could even you know. Take off or come down here. But I'm down here and so I feel like that's that's an opportunity that. Definitely Now works for me because I'm here so. That is so exciting and congratulations. I know that's A, very huge deal, and I know that you will share so much amazing content that they will continue inviting you back again and again, and again. So I'm sure they'll be first of mini. Yeah. I hope so. My job. Well we can't wait to follow along at this point now that it's come out, you did it. You did a great job. We. Right. So. This has been such a phone conversation learning more about your story and your content and how you've grown so much over time, and we have loved following along for the short period of time, and we look forward to everything that you're gonNA grow into. So we're gonNA take a quick break in here message from our partners, and then we will be back to play the fast paced rounds. All. Right. Sounds good. Today's episode is brought to you by tailwind something that we love so much out Hilland is it allows us to sit down together, plan out our week plan out the content that we want to share with you and then kind of set it and forget it so that we can better manage our time throughout the week. It's really helpful tool and it's something that we also think you might enjoy. So if you're interested go to Detroit in Ireland Dot, com forward slash tailwind or you can check out the link in the show notes. Okay. So we're back and again we're going to use our new roulette wheel. Super excited. So argue ready. Yes. I'm ready. Okay. I was hoping this one. So. There's a back story behind this one. So we mentioned that we talked to Jeffrey. And ask. Love. Jeff Tracy if your stories matchup for this question. Okay. We asked, what is your funniest? Disney. Memory or the hardest that you've ever. Being in the parks. L. We've had a couple maybe jeffries. There's this. Oh, well, some people love it, but there's this Brazilian cheese bread. Was Not, a fan everyone keeps telling me that I should give it another try. But I seriously like I have nightmares about it but I couldn't chew through it and it was released. Add because I. don't I, don't waste food, we had frenzied it. that. Was it. We. So we were in epcot just yesterday, and we walked by the Brazil booth and dawned on us that we should try it, but we couldn't bring ourselves to do it because of that story. It was hard guys. I like everything I literally like everything I. Love Cheese I love bread it appeared to be the perfect scenario and I was let down That could be your entire hosted event. It may be. Tasting of Brazilian cheese bread. So. Next one would be, where would you want to take walt for a drink? I feel like we have to be on Disney property. Okay. So if we're going Disney property, I am a huge fan of enchanted rose and I'm dying to get back. But they had amazing drinks. They had amazing food and it was just a beautiful location and I, feel like it would be a great spot to take a friend. We've actually never been there. It's on really our list of want to do, but for whatever reason, just never made it over there. and. It's so hard to to now get to resort. You can have a, she could get a dining reservation and then like hang out at the lounge after before. But it's it's difficult. Resorts now, that was a big bummer for us. Yeah. Not having that because we expected, you know probably similarity you. You know when we planned this whole new. You. Know we expected to be able to pop on over whenever we wanted wherever we wanted? Yes. The same with the parks like I had this idea. Oh, when I get off work, I could just pop over to epcot for dinner. that. Is that dream is long gone so. Maybe one day hopefully long. Yeah. The next. What is your favorite attraction animal? Kingdom. The animal kingdom. I'm go flight a passage. It's hard for me because part of me wants to say expedition. Everest. But I'm going to go flight of passage. With Allen Yeah it's a good one. Next one would be your favorite sweet snack. Sweet snack. So. There are these Natella waffles at sleepy hollow imagine kingdom, and they have fruit on them. Delicious. Delicious seem you've never tried that one, but we always get the the chicken and waffle at heard that. One's good that one's really good too. It's kind of just like a little sweet and spicy. I did see last time you got that I was standing at the window and I saw the cast member making the new Telo. Awful. That was the largest VAT of new Tele. It was unreal. Tape good stuff. No sold it in that quantity. Like. Oh, we can have five gallons of new tele. So the next one is, who is your favorite villain? Haiti's. Definitely my favorite Lynn I also really love East. But Haiti's by far is favorite. He's got the jokes. So sad cincinnati like some sarcasm Dylan. I do and he's he's one of the only villains. That's he's not dead. I. Mean I guess he's Kinda. Did 'cause he's Lord of the dead, but he didn't in die. He's still he still at large. ABC. Come back I've never thought about. Yeah. That's a very good point. You think we need a eighties movie. Is. Probably be a good movie. They probably would have to get the right person though as at say yet James Woods probably not. Probably not going to be Haiti's. Going forward. But But yeah. If they could get someone great I'd be all for a Haiti's movie. I'm interested in all. Live action which I guess they're still planning to. Yeah, could. Knock it out of the park. Haiti's could be awful. Off that's the thing about these live actions you know I don't. Most of them I don't hate I. Don't necessarily love them but I don't necessarily hate them. But. It just. Some things may be should be untouched. I don't know. But at the same time I, WanNa see it. It's hard. It's caught between a you should leave that alone. But I I want more like I need Hercules content. So. That's that's the truth bomb right there. We need more Hercules content. So, your next question is, what is your favorite meal on property? Favorite meal. So I really liked the character dining experience at storybook dining. I think. I mean that one was great like I. Love The the setup in the dining hall. I love the food I thought the presentation was great. Everything tasted wonderful. You got a lot of food for your money and you got to try a lot of different things. I would say that's definitely one of those dining experiences that stuck out for me and I'm not a character dining person, but I really enjoy that win so. It's on my list is a top dining experiences. Could one. Either some. Hopefully, it'll come back someday and try. Yeah. I know. Gone. We're trying to just ignore it not even. Just, we'll be grateful for what we have. because. Can you imagine the day that they bring back, fireworks like the. How I mean talk about excitement you. Want to be there because it's GonNa be. mean, it's going to be insane. I mean, hopefully, Lia, and hopefully by the time they bring back, fireworks. Everything will be clear in in good to go. So but he I it might be kind of scary. Idea we go. We get. California girl reservations. The first ones from up there or poly? Each. So that leads into the next question, which is what is your favorite Disney resort? It doesn't necessarily have to be one that you stayed at. Can. Sell as far as ones I just I. Dream of being able to stay an animal kingdom lodge. I have not stayed in animal kingdom lodge though my favorite resort that I've stayed set. Overall. I. Would Say I'm as you can see, I'm pretty indecisive. I can't just pick one thing. For anything. Like Saratoga Springs, I've stayed there. A couple of times. I I, really liked the resort, I? Feel like it's underrated. But the grand is a great place to. have. Now Let's go animal kingdom. I think that would be my pick to bit now that your local you're GonNa, try to do just like weekend trips to try to knock out all these different resort stiller. What's your approach going to be? Yeah. You know I, think that staycationing will definitely be in the future I do still WanNa stay at resorts in. I. Sometimes, you know we come down here and I've stayed at a resort, but because I wanted to go to the park I, feel like I didn't really get my bang for my buck when I stayed at the resort. So I think it'll be nice to. Maybe experience a resort. It just be a couple of days at the resort in not going to the park. So for sure more resorts is in the future. Don't know when I'll be staying at one next though. So what see? Very, fair. The Nixon would be what is your least favorite Disney movie? Favorite Mark Yeah. We've least favorites. Hard bar favorites. Are, hard, as far as moonies. While You know I'm not a huge fan of brave. People are GonNa throw rocks at me. I'm not a huge fan of brave I. Don't know why it just wasn't my favorite. I can't tell you why. I like it. I like it comes on form like every other. Yeah, it's not my favorite I'm also not a huge Peter Pan Person in Peter. Pan Is very polarizing in the Disney community, but Peter Pan is creepy. So I'm I'm not a big Peter Pan Person. Oh Man. Brendan. How do you feel about that? I mean honest. Why Peter Pan I'm more like the idea of Peter Pan in. I'm being completely honest. I'M GONNA if they're sitting next to each other and I have to pick one I'm GonNa Watch Hook before I watch fear Pant Love, Hook? Yeah. But like the idea of Peter Pan more than actual movie. No, the idea is great at Neverland is great. Peter Pan Yeah. It was weird because you know we Peter Pan was the only one of the only VHS tapes that we didn't have in my household. But my cousin had Peter Pan and we would watch it over there. Now, I was just like I. Don't want this movie anyway. So. But yeah. Very polarizing. So our last question, the fast paced round is going to be for if you could experience one pastor extinct attraction or show which one would it be. Definitely, Spectra Magic. I miss the spectrum magic parade. It was favorite nighttime parade and I. Just I. Love the soundtrack. I have so many memories and I don't know what we're. GonNa. Get for the fiftieth now because things have changed due to covid nineteen. But I was really hoping that you know for the Anniversary Walt Disneyworld when they brought back nighttime show that they would do a little tribute to spectrum magic kind of help paint the night was a little tribute to the electrical light parade. So I don't know, but I would love spectrum magic bag. That's like the best idea of her long-time. Get some wishes action in their. Wishes I. Yeah. I am on popular opinion. Wishes is my. I liked wishes better. Happily. Ever after his great like the show itself is Great. But something about that like soundtrack to wishes was just magical soundtrack is everything for me. I'm a music person so. House, Lena a sense. Definitely, the music. That I miss about wishes Let's. Let's get on board was make this happen because now we got to get in contact with the right people we have talked about that. If things are back to normal I mean. Surely, surely, they will take that I guess we never know that would be probably our first station would be for the fiftieth anniversary next year. I feel like you gotta go contemporary even hate saying that on the episode nothing's GonNa make a significant difference but. Still your idea. Now hopefully hopefully, people will forget. Got, a, while. Forget you'll get there i. GotTa, get there first. But yeah, I mean contemporary. I've always wanted to stay there. Bay Lake Tower. Looks beautiful that. DV. Sea Resorts I would love to stay there. But. California grill fireworks. Sounds like a dream you. I'm with you there. So. Our very last question for you is if you have one piece of party guidance that you could give to someone who's looking to jump into this community, maybe they want to create their on instagram page or create content, whatever it might be, what would your advice be to that person? I would say to really really get to know people in the community and reach out to people. Start groups in. You know I've met a lot of people when I first started. I was in DM groups and that time met a lot of people now. I. Feel like I'm in a bunch of groups for projects. But you know you finish the project in everyone's still is communicating. So when you see someone say, Hey, like, do you want to do this or are you interested in groups and finding friends just really get to know the people in the community because honestly I think that that has Impacted any if you could call, but I've had a little bit of success. It's definitely been impacted by making those connections in the community in you know when when I have a project or when my picture gets posted on. The Disney bound or a brand like Qatar Kingdom veer. Bradley posted you know the people in the community when they see it, they share it to these groups and say, Hey, like, did you see like magical cake on this and then everybody? They're just like Oh, you know this is awesome in they hype you up and they go and they like it and they. They supported in, they share it in their stories in and so just really getting to know people I think has helped me be because those people who are sharing me in their stories I'm being found I'm being seen a my contents getting pushed in in the new, and then you make friends I've made a lot of friends. So I I think that that is. Very important in I I think that's the most important piece of advice I can give anyone is just to network because not only do you make friends those people support you, but you also get to ask and bounce ideas off people. When you have a picture in your photoshop is looking crappy, you can ask that person. They can help you voter There are just so many ways that you can benefit from knowing people in the community. That that's pretty much i. think what I would tell someone. And I I mean, that is such an under rated I feel like. Piece of the piece of everything that we do because community in that connection with those other people I. Mean, that is everything. That is, what makes us feel so validated in, that's what. Gives. All of us kind of that drive to want to do more and continue to network. So I think that's great advice, and of course, before we have to say by Kristen, will you remind our listeners one more time where they can find you on social? Media? Yes. So you can find me at magical cake in. That's magical K. A. K. E.. And then my other page is beauty in be a ut I e and the bubbly. Perfect. So of course, we'll put both of those links down in our show notes. So you can go over there and connect with Carson. We. Highly recommend it. We've loved following along and we so appreciate you coming on and chatting with us today in sharing your story. We really appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you guys for inviting me. This was fun. I've never done a podcast before. So it's really nervous, but I think is okay. Thank. Thank you. For listening, to, detour to Neverland makes. The name is an IT. Enjoyed the show between episode. You can find us on instagram at detoured and every land or visit detoured in every dot com. We appreciate you letting us be part of new day. So you real soon.

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The Mojo Radio Show Ep 282: Where do we find complete freedom? Jaimal Yogis

The Mojo Radio Show

1:22:15 hr | 1 year ago

The Mojo Radio Show Ep 282: Where do we find complete freedom? Jaimal Yogis

"The radio show we scare the planet to find the biggest names in health, creativity, wellness, strategy, brand, management, and more. This is going to be crazy. This Jason Overcome. Coach I. This is cal new author of deep workday. This is Brian that Richard Davies. Injury from the Canadian national. Women's Rugby Team Street in the state bludger. Radio. I'll be. We ask the big questions Miss Degree. Question actually landed right on March another really good question talking to you. Harvard's norm. Than that I had the I lake five hundred interviews. Nobody asked me about this Wow, sometimes, we talk about darts. Can I tell you Dana Gary Favorite Sport? He's dots. HOW ATHLETIC! I think it's interesting that at your favorite. Sport that I know a prerequisite. A cigarette. Come on, let's be honest. We take ourselves too seriously wrong half dozen. A. Welcome. To. Radio show. Everybody and welcome to this week's dishing of the merger radio show welcome aboard the big bread bus if you're new on the bus. And you have your ticket. What does this little program about? What can you expect well? It really is quite simple. We just find interesting people that we think. Have the merger working point of view. and. We just want to have a chat to find out what it is they do so we can apply to our own world or maybe someone. We know who's struggling at the moment. In order to get them Joe working this week. We are heading to freedom town, which is due north and we're heading up there with the salt water. He's going to be onboard the bus so one before we start your only price to get on board. The Big Red Bus east to leave us a review on I. Tunes throws a bone. Folks just the shows, no advertised, sadly no sponsors. It. Lets US know you're out there. It keeps the fuel in the tank and to be honest. We feed off that so if you can. Just one line destroys the bone, just going. They give us review a something. Let's say you're out. The that'd be good teams all aboard. The Bar Fridge is well stocked. I see rabbi puts. You've talked up on Tim's In fact, did you know? On US kit, isn't it I'm sorry I was going to say. There's a tea shop opening. But there is A. There is a keep cat store opening up based on the influence of the Japanese on live is kit cats. I don't know you you. Could you take the kitten will? Look I could walk away from team Tam but. I'm just thinking I can barely see through the moving boxes in here because voters sounds about to move premises I need a few cats. Because when you have a break, you need a Kit Kat apparently. ovallis remarkable facts. Well I took some cues from our guest this week. Our guests seems to enjoy basing their titles of these books around surfing so I figured the obvious question was for me, anyway was who surfed the biggest wave in history. And exactly how big was it now turns out. That record belongs to a guy called Garrett. McNamara Garrett Job Dean on get these one hundred foot wave back in two thousand eleven. That's thirty odd Mehta's or about a third of a football field in Robbo speak. Ever Humble Garrett, said it was really like any other wife I had no idea I was on what would become the world record? Wife remember thinking the entire time that I wish I was DEEPA, but after looking at the footage realized my jet Ski Partner had put me in the perfect spot. You can see. He's well record. Ride on Youtube. It's absolutely incredible. If you're a surfer, you will not believe it if you want to check it out, take a pick it out. FACEBOOK page and also get GB. Drop that in the show nights, butter a hundred foot. I'm not sure, I would be brave enough thankfully. Garrett's big fan of the show, so he could I might be good to have you on board. The the big red bus. I think he listened to Eddie would go episode. Any would go and now. I've got something remarkable impact of the virus. This I I saw stats in the. New York Times. and. I don't know that we are. We totally grasp the impact of this pandemic. Been Ninety. Six percent decrease in travelers, passing through the US airport security up that was that was between in March. April and this. Said Ninety six percent less travel imagine the impact that's having on hotels and security guys, starbucks, coffee teams news agencies claim caterers taxis That's. The but the flip side. Of thousand a suffering. Ease the Americans what six point one billion hours of Netflix in April alone. While I find it astonishing and the US box office revenues who are really suffering right now a macho pains we back a little grand couple of weeks with three hundred grand. That would normally be eleven million last year half the Americans. Employed before the virus are now working remotely and has been a thirty times. In zooms ten million in December thirty million people in April. That's what it is today. So when you dig into the stats and Lucky country here we think we're starting to get on top of things, but I'll tell you what this a long long wedding. Play up particularly for your business can't particularly if you're in America to you, but you know the thing that I find surprising about that. Ninety six percent through the airports, thing for me is actually would have gone not. Not Lower than that actually would have gone higher I wish we would've thought in ninety nine ninety eight percent with the whole country, being in lockdown and stuff I find ninety-six percent remarkable interested, in terms of maybe more than I would have thought now there is still some flights going, so there are still the right warriors Herat. They doing stuff so the not the airport's closed. But it's pretty restricted we'd we'd be. We'd going. It'd BE LINEUPS VIA STARBUCKS S. Radio show. Al Guest this week is Jamal Yoga's who is known as the Salt Boorda Buddha and that's how I I came across. It was a cool name. This is a guy who had a young age found himself in trouble. He ran away to Hawaii to follow his Lifelong Dream of surfing. He ended up in a Buddhist monastery. He then seven of the best beaches in the world, and then he had a dream to be a writer and. What's curious about your Mollahs in doing so? He let more about himself that he did. Just atop a here was writing about and. That all became his first book. Which is the best selling book is? kind of a memoir called the salt water. The Salt Water Buddha. which has been adapted into a beautiful film and I'll put that in the show nuts for everybody to go to. You can find youtube easy enough. He was a guest on episode, one, forty, five and his Rodney. He's been very successful mace writings Zepeda. DidN'T SPF magazine Washington Post. He's done stuff with Oprah and Jamal's a guy who's probably seeking searching for peace. In an out of control distracted. Overly busy world and he takes lessons from. His time in the monastries like he's lessons from Zen, in applies them to our busy, corporate and personal lives. To help us, I guess better handle all the chaos. That normally surrounds us. Jamal's about to launch his first children's book. which actually goes out this week? It's called. Mop Rides the waves of life. It's small. It's Kinda cool issues to gripe thing to sit with a kid and read lovely lessons in that and he's agreed to bring his set board to the studio to take through that book and lots more Jamal Welcome back by thank you. We kind of sucked too bad if you're gonNA, come back on time and time. Is Being Generous. I loved loved being on the last time, so just looking for an excuse to get back on will. Pretty good one! Yeah, you know what's interesting. There was a time times for your life. We describe yourself as a but Mian. Dan We know you was an author. We know you as a Buddhist. You were a monk for period. We know you're a surfer and then going back through your books, we now you've been a runaway. Has You. Sit there today. Had you see your identity? You know It feels like different dimensions being a dad I, mean you just you sort of? I think the first. Three kids Four, six eight. And the first couple of years. Like. Everything I knew about identity was dying, I was dying. And it was this weird experience of. The. New kind of joy in love. Being with your kid and I. Genuinely feel that I've felt this simultaneously liked I I was. Digging my own grave every day I had no identity annum. Sort of slowly. In a child. Parenting just profound in in a spiritual sense because you really, your life does become about tyrod -tising other people ahead of yourself, no matter what. I think no matter what kind of. Regiment I was putting myself in to try to do that Meditational Yoga or being on. Reading books about. Getting you know lessening the ego at an feeling more compassion for all business. No! Really I think I was able to live a selfish life. Do ever want with my tunnel and then all of a sudden. You know you don't have that choice and you have to really look at. What does it mean? To. Really put these guys as the priority and Is a bumpy road, but I feel like now that I'm here. You know an our oldest is eight. Is More like surrender. Slow to it where it's about big president with them and. And trying to balance that with you know getting some work done. But our lives are. Really chaotic and so every day. It's about getting that mindset of like this is going to be a challenge to get everything done and. While so I can either look at it as like. This sucks or visit a gray right. Expand Comfort zone yet again to that in this eighteen year marathon so So that's a long winded way of saying I don't even know what my identity is. I just tried it. And I think that. Is a daily question. I just trying to. Keep my head above water. And still do the things I love it. Share them with them. It's funny, though, isn't it? Because three your Jenny always Y- you went. Will I guess in reflection of your journey? You've always been apple two liable that part of your identity. From Your Education Growing up. Running Away Zoe's been this tag. You've been able to put onto it. And then today to say you still kind of trying to work that out with when you look at those times, and you are a guy who thinks a lot of stuff, and you ponder, and you meditate on things. What have you learnt? What have you learned about identity from that period of knowing and being able to liable in retrospect? Today not. Really being sure Dad's an absolutely critical part of that, and then the other stuff you do. What have you learned about identity in your journey on reflection, you know when you take when you get into Buddhism deeply in your in the monastery. You're really. Daily looking into that. How how does the identity form every day? And how is it form in a single sought, and you have the time meditating to really watch the settled nuances of that? And and yet you're. You've also on this new identity as like a monk who is separate from those crazy people out there who are like not taking the time to reflect and get. So you, so you kind of have this chip on your shoulder to and yet you're wear of that. You have this Meta analysis of light. I'm aware that I have ego about this that I've on one of the wise once. He's got Nas of the wheel of some time. And you're criticizing yourself so that in analyzing it but. There's no question that the whole model of like religion and shaving her head, wearing a robe of being part of this community. It gives you this new identity that. and. The catch with Buddhism is that it's an identity that is. EXPLICITLY FOR QUESTIONING IDENTITY End So. It's like you. You're using this raft to cross the shore of suffering, which is too much attachment. To Ego. And once as the Buddhist said once you get to that shore, it would be silly to carry the raft around on your head. You have to put it down. and. You know when I left the monastery. I definitely was searching for what? What is my new identity? And Surf. Bum became the thing that I wanted to do, and it's like once. You pick up that surfboard that becomes your identity. And I merged that into being a writer and. To writes about erode about my our journey and. I mean the truth is. At every one of those stages. It's felt just like being in the monastery where it's like. I feel. All detachment when one of my books comes out to doing well, and that creates all kinds of struggles inside myself I. WanNa be loved that I want to be accepted with each one and yet. With. I'm also observing that struggle. And how that brings up a lot of discomfort in myself just like when I was in a monastery and with each book. I feel like I. Unable to let go a little bit. But at the same time, you build confidence with each one two and you say well, you know people. People didn't. Say Go home never tried this again after I did my first book and say. You build confidence and I think that's just the paradox of Riddick. You know it's like we're all. It's important to build up confidence in what you do, and it's just to be human in society, and to feel like I can stand up for myself and. Go into room. Sell an idea to my editor work. Do those things and yet? The other side of it is, you can see how like. When you become too rigidly identified with Im Jamal Yoga's the author. An all your happiness is attached to that. You suffer so. I feel as though like I'm in the same boat I will. I was always I'm just I'm trying to analyze. Trying to be self aware of how. my identity is always shifting. An how I'm still at need that forty. Four an identity and an for feedback from the community where social animals and yet I hope that I'm developing a little more. Flexibility and slow like right now. I'm coming out of doing just. My new book is a fantasy novel. That has nothing to do serve. And I know it's GonNa be. There's a bunch of cognitive dissonance there of like, but am I. Who am I now? If I'm doing these other kinds of books, or who am I now now that I'm doing children's books and A. But you know. I really feel like. Life is about. Really opening up to. Your passions and finding purpose in sometimes that purpose doesn't sit a box or Doesn't none of us fit into a box. It's like social media accounts. WanNa. Put us in like you this your Gary, you're on, you do interviews on the radio. and. They have to be these sorts, but you know obviously you're much more nuanced person than just your public persona, and so I think. You've got made to stage now. picky about it out loud where I'm really exploring flexible. Trying to have a flexible identity and allowed for all the things that I want to pursue creatively and as a parent to come through and not be shy about sharing. Those different hearts myself Knowing that it will, it may be a little feel, a little scarier weird Because I'm not just. A good a surfer and that's all I. Live eat sleep and breathe. Put a link in the show Charton. Put a few things together I'm GonNa, try and produce era in merger reddish raft here to take us between a couple of places. I'll put a link in the show starts to your wall on Youtube. I watched your documentary, which is absolutely beautiful. It is just. Infect robot needs to have look at it. The editing is amazing. The way you'll music blends with your story with the visuals Shimao. That really is something and I. Wonder it's done so well. You know at the at the film festivals. The. This piece this piece in there I. WanNa tie back to build the raft and talk about that word paradox. You said You surfing the Santa Cruz Bryk and thank you describe it as being very territorial. And this is a place. Where are very tribal and some guys start screaming obscenities at you. And you said you will almost a yell back when you remember the story of the Summer I. Who asked Zen-master? Please teach me the difference between Heaven and Hell. And when I heard you talk about the would paradox and building a raft, it made me think about will. The ultimate is heaven and Hell. Can you just run that story for us? Absolutely I mean. The San Lies Story. Is One of these classic tales that gets retold. Over many generations in. Basically. This. Is Sam comes to amount Danny says teach me the difference between Heaven and Hell and the the monk. Looks at him and this time when Samurai were very revered. And respected an. Says why would I I teach this uncouth creek like you such a high teaching in your not worthy of that and the Samurai Raises Sword in his. He has. All the signs of anger you know bulging veins and whatnot, and he's about to slice the monk and. The monk stops him says way. That's how. The Samurai realizes how profound teaching is, and he he he bows down ingratitude. Among says that is hadn't. Really Beautiful Story and Out in the lineup You know how it was. taught in what do I do? Do I respond. And I was feeling a bunch of anger myself. Anger Insecurity and all these other things and And realized you know when you're carrying those things. Yeah, you're the one suffering. I still have to have his lesson every day with my kids like what sometimes they'll remind me like even when I'm. Right. Don't hit your brother. You know and I find myself getting really wild up angry and red, says the battle sometimes about four year old will. Say Dad. Why are you so angry? An. Angry 'cause you're actually little. You're not supposed to doing. That we talked about this. But I realized when I'm doing that. I'm. I'm taking a toll on my house for one, but I'm also. They're looking at me and say. They're not seeing where the bad ones. They're all of a sudden seeing themselves as the victims. Of Angry Dad's. Rather than hearing the lesson of life. Why don't we hit you know? Do you appreciate it when you get? Stay calm at I feel like. I have to learn this lesson every single day, but if I stay calm them a bit more patient than we have the conversation. The lesson gets through. They respect me I've I've haven't had this connection. So, it's it's just one of those teachings that is so profound and Still Come back to all the time, so you ran away went to Maui lent to surf. And one day you go from. The Time said that she didn't pretty good. You a competition. And so you'll egos started to grow, and you start to say actually I'm pretty good. So sometime later your route the back. You'll looking at picking up. Some grunts cutting on you and you let fly shoe. You Yell at them. And you catch yourself. I guess my question just by some what you're doing with the kids is how do we? had. We stay the pop because when I. What I saw in the documentary talked about it. It reminded me of the Matrix morpheus saints. Neo. There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. and. I find this Jamila. A lot with podcasts softened with books and blogs videos, and there's a lot of stuff we know. But we don't actually walk the path. We know the path. We walk the path whether it be food or thinking mindset resilience courtesy. Smiling. What have you learned about the difference between knowing the path and walking the path, and actually trying to stay in the woking pot, and not just sitting in the knowing pot in ever gonNA, walk the path perfectly. Know there's that model outs. self-improvement or spirituality where? There's an end goal and once you hit it. You're sort of perfect year. You never make another mistake, but I think that's the best. Thank you I, think we're always on an ever evolving. Pass. Of Growth and expansion in learning and there's always. I don't think Buddha Hood is is absurd finished product. So. You know we were always going R-, always making mistakes and we become. We become what we judge and. A. Human experience that think. We need that you need the fall down and make a mistake and and. You know, get angry once in a while and see why it didn't work. And hopefully just do it in a way where. When you become. When you when you do know that pass. The! The selling down moments are. You hope that they're not disastrous to others. But sometimes I think we just have to be compassionate with ourselves in realized that. The past is really about falling off of it and getting back on and trying again and and And you over correct you under correct than up. There's no, but there's no perfect. It's just it's. It's really about setting your compass. Is this little as a set your compass compassionate? You always end up on the best island. But which sounds Nice, but when you set your compass to compaction, it doesn't mean that that you're perfect. Just because that's where your compasses that you're going to run into icebergs in rocks, there's going to be storms and. As you do that if if your mindset. Is Well. This is about. Learning and growth than those mistakes are the way you. The way that you get. Way You approve a little bit so that when somebody else? Is Making in. Maybe your child is making the same stakes. Ubaid you can, you can help them out. But A. Yeah, there's no. There's no perfect you know and. I don't know I. Don't know what else to say the. Other than Nino. I think a lot of us. WanNa. Give you know. Things are trendy now, so it's easy to be especially when you're in the business of helping, other people learnt to meditate or writing books about it. It's easy to become a preacher and not do the work to. and. I say like with say with mindfulness practice. It's like. The Talking about mindfulness practice doesn't really help you all you have to actually. Do it. And so that's that's the walking the path by its front allotted. Some People Love to talk about surfing and get lots of boards and things, but not really go out, but she. Just out. You don't get any better. That way does no debt particularly in your early part of your journey. You're a guy who is see she. Seeking a freedom was important to. You is seeking freedom. and. During the documentary in some of the interviews I've heard you say that you know people. A lot of people have a desire to find freedom. And we normally in my mind associated with freedom to work when you want. The job you want, do what you WanNa do had you? WanNa do it. We speak of freedom in terms of things we could do, but then I hate you. Talk about freedom of the mind. Which I thought was really interesting. Is that I think a lot of people struggle with having freedom in mind? Head we do that Jamal. How do we find that freedom in Erin minding Aaron thoughts. What have you learned about that? We WanNa, find freedom and circumstances and set it up just right, or it's like you've got the you've got the perfect house. The perfect little beach and the wet know. Were you have the waves to yourself and? There's nothing wrong with pursuing that and there's if you get there, there isn't. There are. Lots of practical. Ways! That circumstances can help you feel more free, no doubt amid. You're working hundred hour weights, and you're getting paid less than minimum wage or something. It is difficult more difficult for you so this I don't want discount that circumstances are important. But I think as a society we. We. We put out of all our eggs in that basket of seeking out street in the circumstantial Censo- like about having that convertible in the board house in the In the right. But. All that stuff is constantly changing. It's bound to go bad at some point. It's like the best laid plans fall apart, you know wealthy people are often unsatisfied with their wealth. You know it's like everything. Everything has a every year has a Yang in circumstantial world. But inside your mind. It's a bit different. In that. You, know if you. Really take the time. Every day. To Do these basic practices of watching your brass and letting your mind. Signs. Some space between. The pounding waves of thought there really is. This sort of Fettered Bliss that is. Has Sages throughout? The ages have talked about it as your natural birthright. and. Is this Or John Masters Call it a wish fulfilling gem that it's like it's always been yours and. It's the most obvious thing when he when you even get a glimmer of it like why have I been such an idiot? Not Seeing that I have joy inside. And, even now saying that I feel like a fake segment that because. I'm so busy with. Being a dad and work, and what not that? I don't get enough time always to tap into that. But at times when I've really dedicated. Time to to doing the practices. Of finding internal. Peace. It's really real. That you can. Tap into your original sorta birthright of of of this natural state of bliss that is in your mind in your heart, whatever you WanNa. Call it! At that, but it takes practice, it takes work. Again anything else, and there is for sure like this you can. You don't have to do it by any one school like it doesn't mean you have to cross your legs. Their loud is for ten hours a dozen. There are all kinds of. Artists Stumble on this surfers people out in Many things they give us all poetry. But I do think there's something special about the stability. That you can find in In Meditation. And sort of the the mastery of mind that you can find with A. Structured practice. Gym I think that's really important. Because if you don't have that stability, you said it's still even if you're finding these ecstatic moments like wind and sex poetry. Who Does love all that? You can you can does are all windows doorways to the same kind of joy, but. This this quiet kind of practice that. I, think these yogis throughout the ages developed I. THINK IS A. It's like a stable way of. Having it available. that. I've been talked into AS A. Felt myself is is really powerful. I think a couple of seasons go. We had a guy on the shows cold. Akai Nevada he right Fianna. And he told us the story of the Buddha and the second era, and I've heard you talk about the second Arrow and I've got a couple things just to ask you about if you can fill seen on. Your take on the secondary and. It seems like that Second Arrow, is that gap between the pounding wives of thought you're talking about, so it seems like there's something in that if you could elaborate on it and then. In the same vein. How have you used that with your writing? Because I suspect there were times, and on now there are times when you've lost vibe on your writing and. Gone through that whole thing about comparison and concern and worries stuff. Give us your take on the second Darrow is, is that in your mind that gap in between the panting wives? And how have you applied that to your own site writing? Yeah Yeah. I love that story of the Second Arrow basically You know the Buddhist talking to all the monks. And as as licensed to, and he's saying you guys, you do slides, mindfulness, stash and everything else And you might notice. You still have some pain in your life, and you're still have disatisfaction. So. What's the difference between people who? Practice by the tation and this path been an ordinary person and. He says well, you know the ordinary person who's not mindful gets shot with an Arrow and feel the pain of the era. and. and. And then beat his breast and laments. freaks out about it and complains. You know who shot that era at Y. always with arrows sent it triggers triggers you into as many stories of like. Why does life suck? And all of that the says is the second era. You basically jabbing yourself with the second half when you go on and on into these. Stories. So the minds will want still feels pain, but it's just one era. And Yeah I mean that's the story of our days I. Think is like. As. I was saying before with my kids. I'm getting. Shot with Arrows all day where they say if I just take the IPAD away from them, they can start arriving on the floor at. I could say okay. This is a Bummer I. DON'T WANNA deal with Tantrum. But here it is I'm just GONNA wait. I'm just GONNA. Wait so it passes and say you now added. I told you that I've had time is up and. Or I can. Eat out start shouting at him and then go into a big like Courtney session about. My life is so hot. Right, now why can't get anywhere bent? Whatever whatever the stories that day or like? And, that's just a bunch of. Two three four. I might get into ten Eros. and. But the window the. Point is. Our sears, our emotional systems are faster than we are. So by the time you've noticed year, afraid or angry. You're already afraid or angry. You can't beat yourself. Consciously you have to train to find that gap so That's why you have to forgive yourself. When you notice, you've shot ten more house. You know it's like okay. It's fine by motion. System is faster than I am so. I've I've done it. And then you sort of deescalate from their attack can go and take some breasts down. Travis. Try to restart. But the gap between the waves that you're talking about is if you really. Are! Getting good at this way like able to watch how you react in every situation. Becoming kind of dangerous surfer of your mental waves, yet you can. Find that space of light here goes on about to react. and. I'm not going to take a breath Just realized this is uncomfortable. That discomfort is and that's okay. And then. Decide, then you sort of in the position of like will now if I could fix the problem from a calm in a calm way. Let me do that. If I can't fix it. I'm just GONNA. Let go move on You know like the Dalai Lama says if you have. If you have a problem and you can fix it, don't worry about it. If you have a problem at, you can't fix it. Don't worry. The worry is the second era. It's like if you if you can succeeding, go do the thing. Fix It if you can't. The worry doesn't help you at all is just going to happen so You know how I use that in writing I guess. Is. That, it's really like anything writing as hard like most jobs are and so. I can if I have a deadline or something. I'm on procrastinating Faking about how bad it's going to be when I have to go, sit in front of my computer and I'm already tired. That just adds a bunch of suffering, but if I just take the fake out, can start typing. I'm okay. And San goes for like once the the. the book is coming out is up things like you have all these expectations in hopes for it? And A. Never, met. It's like you never become a I haven't yet determined the. Beaten Stephen King or something selling books so. You you're not gonNA. You're going to be disappointed on some level and I guess seeing that is like well. That's okay, I'll be disappointed. And I'll just when I feel that I won't turn it into a big story about like. How I've sailed how it's just like well. That is the mindsets itself up to want more and when that comes, that's an era and you just great it about tear than say all right moving on now. Did a Ninja Sipa of you'll mental wives that will be on a t-shirt by Friday. That's cool that is. A needs. Of you'll mental as Daddy's going on the studio will that's gulled. Semi that semi side I would have it up if I if I take you back. Because there are people who he is like all of us, we hear this, so we hear about mindfulness, and we hear about Zen and Buddhism, but it's kind of. Got Right back out of the shower. They can't see that in their identity and we fear it. We can't see it. We done in Bryce it yet. What's really fascinated by a kid growing up you? Dad was in the military. which is how you ended up going to Hawaii when he got deployed there. And you born into Yoga see you got this. Dad's in the military in a spiritual family. You have surrounded by Yoga. Had added you dead. Navigate that dichotomy like? Did you think that's it was? It seems quite odd to have all those things wrapped up while he's on deployment so much so that your son can observe all that and it can influence. He's upbringing. How did you dead? Navigate or surf that dichotomy yeah hints phenomenal personalizing. I was thinking about. A passed away a few years ago. In his ability to really be himself. But a little break up into of C sections one I think. When you when you are a military brat or in the military, I think you realize how many people don't fit the mold of military person who like the stereotype. And So I really I always bristle against A. I'm a pretty progressive guy politically and like I'm all for. For example, we're having these huge George, floyd protests which. A against police, brutality and And sometimes that gets turned into. All cops are like a brutal racist now and. That always rubs me the wrong way like. Do you know like how many of these people actually know? Cops are live I've lived in or or or like. No military people in a lot of my dad's friends in the military works, immigrants, or black or gay. A lot of his. Most of his good friends in Didn't fit like this tough Guy Republican. Kind of. Image and And so. So I think in some ways. It wasn't as hard for for him to be a little bit different than than you'd expect A. End. And then, but also I think she. was just one of those guys who. You know we come from a long line of soldiers like. His Grandfather had fought. In the wars in Europe, and then my grandfather was in World War Two. And then, but he also grew up kind of the Bohemian did he was? He was raised Catholic, but was aggressor. He went to jazz ships. He served A lot of people who ended up in the military have that kind of. Diverse background than their adventure seekers, and they had been up saying hey i. don't know what else to ago. This looks like from getting on a submarine and And so But. Having said that. I think it was difficult for him. At times, he sell torn in different directions and when he was sending like. It out people underneath him to desert. Storm and he didn't really believe in the war felt deeply conflicted. I remember what I think. That was one of the reasons he he wrestled with drinking and all the stress that So. But, what that has done to his kids, I think is that. You don't eat out. I really strives not to put myself in any one box of. Of identity, and not just you know even though I, I mostly identified with progressive politics sometimes, I disagree and I I. I. Try to be one of those people who's like a critical thinker who doesn't say hey. We always have to tow. The tribal party line hair like every person has such a unique. Imprint? And what makes humanity beautiful is our ability to when we really live that and. IN DEBATE IN? Out Differ and so I think I bristle against this social media culture where it feels like. Sometimes whether no matter who you are, if you step outside of that. A image that people think you are in public like is almost like a tendency for the tribe to kind of beat you down and put you back in line. At A. I think we really have to watch that as humans right now because there's this sort of. We're all living this outward online persona. and that. Can Be good and have value, but it also We can fall into these More easily I think fall into these real. Tribal. Limited? Ways of being a couple of things to straight together here, Jamal. You talked about the day your dad came home and said on leaving. and Uh suspected when you think back at that, that's a very traumatic emotional When Your Dad, who you think is a fabulous guy. Goes I'm him gone. And then you talk about the fact that. A negative thought about yourself attached to other past negative thoughts about yourself. And your term was. It connects the same negative real estate in your Bryant compounds. Did that Hell Long. Did that compound view you? Dad Leaves. There's an emotional moment there. And all sorts of stories three of mine as a kid. Hen, long did that compound you and at what point were you able to break the disrupt that pathway? To create a different story, which helps you deal with it? Learn from it. and. Take something for the future. I mean I didn't know I wasn't aware at all that that. Those synopsys had tied together so. The anger at my dad from that moment the story that ran from it. Started running through it with your kind of that relationships are doomed or And and. Also. the this the. Anger that I had. Toward becoming a father as well. It's it was it was a slow at winding to that because I had to go through like seventy kids just to sort of. Rebellion feel of just living through my emotions and trying to make sense of them, and that was part of running away. And then But when I did run away was my daddy can't get man. We ended up having this time in Hawaii where we we felt. A reconnection to the water. and. It's only in retrospect having learned a lot about neuroscience since you're framing in terms of pathways in a really writing fear project I learned how. Memories, do have real estate. And each time you do, remember a traumatic. Experience. You're actually tapping that original real estate, but your altering it. You're altering it. And compounding it with with. This state of mind you're in as you remember it so I think when he and I were out in the waves sixteen and he came to get me. I was. We were that was positive exposure that I had had with him in years of exposure to. Each Other. and that this real exposure? The ocean or something. Like Klay for can provide was healing, but I didn't know you know any of that was happening was only later at writing it and writing was another way that that healing happened. I remember Writing Saltwater. Buddha cried through those first chapters. AD! And not being a healing, then seeing his reaction to the book of feeling sad about it. About an regretting some of the things that happened, but ultimately being really proud. Of made. A not being part of the healing. And then. And then it was really when I you know with my. Current wife's. My by aiming. The only married current wise makes it sound like married a bunch of women. And plans to marry anymore. But. But. When I met Avian was terrified to propose. Was Thinking about it. and. It was interesting I was at the same time I was I was researching this neuroscience I was pushing myself to surf bigger waves because I was reading the fear project was trying to get out there, and it was really getting over this fear of Surfing Mavericks I. Never Really got over, but I was able to do it successfully. And that was like a nuclear bomb that went off in my consciousness when I went down the face of at first Babic's waves. Where was like something from my childhood? Mice fear about that wave broke and it was like. Oh, you can break these fears. These things are in there. Was that real experience? Literally? When I came in that way I said on the I can do it I can propose the amy I can get through this. At that point. I was conscious that I had this real sheer of commitment. AB. And it was, it was palpable. So anyway, that's just to say. It's been a process. It's a process. I'm still in doubt but But I do feel this after many years of feeling like. My relationship with my dad was troubled. I now, really look back on our relationship with fondness and would love and don't feel I. Don't feel that trauma. Would I sell? As he was walking out the door. I have more understanding of where he was out and really. Admire in many ways how he lived. It leads you under something. I heard you talk to Dan. Harris about on his podcast, which is a really really good show. And that was. It was a terrific interview. Danza Big Ben about show. Hi, Dan we HARRA. The Harris Hair Haranadha. you. You told this beautiful story. About it's a menu met. And is that she agenda behind it. And he said to you very said. No probable. Way that story originate, and why does that statement means so much to you? That was. A monk that I became good friends with. THEM SO on. So The elevator version is is I. I've been to together with a woman for a few years of. Same deal I'd had a bunch of its. Commitments Years and then I'd finally come. Around was ready to commit What I got there. She said I've out of there and done that at a time when we were supposed to India together. And she was. indian-american. And so I ended up going anyway and was just a wreck. never felt more heartbroken by lives and never felt like. My life has just never gonNA amount to anything. But I made it up to the Himalayas. was trying to do. Of Journalism to get ready for graduate school and also some meditation. At Iran, a on. And gradually I learned that he was. Really grieving the loss of his family because he had come over. The Himalayas at age eleven to Ordain with the Dalai Lama. Hoping that he would then. Be Able to. Still keep in touch with his family. But which as the political situation with China wrapped up? He was never able to get back and he he didn't. have any APP had lost touch with them for fifteen years didn't know if they were all right. Two's very sad about this, but he was simultaneously the most joyful person I'd ever bet he just every every minute. He just exuded beamed. And yet, sometimes he would cry as he talked about his family. And I really felt like I was grieving, and I was just depressed, pissed off and angry at I I wanted to know. How Hubby's together. As, I was at a point in my practice, where I really wasn't I was using meditation as a way to sort of push emotional I was had this zen warrior approach route is like. It's about. Jetting tops for light. Eliminating emotion. And so I was doing a lot of meditation, but I don't think I was really contacting. Any of the real emotion I was just wanting it to go away. and. So? One day domino hiking the hills. Above this town McLeod Ganges and he was looking at the snow it. He got emotional Vicky about the snow into bat and I said. I saw. That he was getting teary, I said I'm I'm just so sorry that I can't. We can't find themselves and. He started laughing and he does. JEMMA Hugh Friday This fatty said no problem. And that? We laughed about it and. It was such a profound. Statement in one that I just realized that I wasn't incorporating into my life at all, because my very sad was a huge problem. It was my main righteous wanted to south and But it was after that that I ended up going on the tree, and it was church retreat ever that I ended up just. Bawling through the whole thing. Days Three. Is something cracked and I realized. That I just I couldn't stop crying I didn't it will again? It wasn't like this conscious thing like so told me that, and now I'm GonNa. Go on retreating cry. It just sort of those things happened together, but all the while I had that. Sort of mantra in my in my head. This very sad, no problem it was really helpful, and maybe he just gave me permission as this guy. Who was this very high bunk. Who to still have emotion like you don't have to. Being peaceful doesn't mean you don't. You're not Shearman? So. That was so helpful it still. Still really helpful to me. We've gotta eat against coming up on the show. Called Beth, Kinison, who wrote a Beautiful Book Cool Wabi Sabi and is a Japanese tomb that Japanese have a hard time. Actually explaining, but now what it is, but it's have a hard time explaining what it is. And in her book, Wabi, Sabi Beth talked about. Washing dishes without doing anything else being intensely in that moment. Noticing water in your hands, the feeling of the soap. The sound of the water flowing. and IT S he's A. It's a beautiful book that I porta. and. It made me think about you when I read that passage Jamal. Now we're going to talk today. Do. You have a practice like that that brings you back to that that gap between the pounding of the waves it. Do you have that that ritual? You have that process we go back to something to. Santa yourself with the census to experience that with the Japanese cooled Wabi Sabi. Yes, absolutely I mean I think I feel lucky to have lots of them. I mean certainly serving his one. but that feels like too easy because it's. It's one of those things that you sort of separate from the rest of live. It's like now I. Get to relax. Go Surfing, but. I've seen. Cooking has always been one of those things for me aware. Go to. Really. Just, sort of chopped onions in. An have experienced this real Shield really connected to. The grounded aspect of of being alive like. Soul sensory experience that helps foods just good. You're smelling everything and I but I definitely have moments With food. Where did that full process of whether? You're growing it? Cooking it eating it. It's such a chewed in of itself is like. A mindfulness? Is the full package Gino Fit 'cause it connects us. To To the cycle lives and deaths and. If you really WANNA burst in. You know. I guess the joy of of of the cycle of lots seems like. Cooking is in and eating. Our IT and Here on. Court during core gene. We've been getting back to that because we can't go out to eat as much and. It's been really lovely to. Every night. In my wife and I've been just going through the cookbooks cooking with our kids and it's something. Amazingly like? Kids really. They just they click in two different mode around food. Our kids do we have three wild boys. They cannot focus together on one project. Calmly. Usually at all. But if we do like at? We do cooking project. Sometimes, the whole family will be in there. In a really beautiful present way. Ensure House the time something breaks in one of the brothers bites each other or something, but it still on I'm amazed. I'm amazed how many times like? On most mindful moments, present moments together are often. Yeah measuring flower. Beating eggs. They seem to be a poem or a piece from a poet Rumi that seems to be at the core of your being and a lot of your writing. and. The poet Rumi wrote. We are not a drop in the ocean. We are an ocean in a drop. Why Y that statement. What's that mean to you? What does it resonate so much with Jubail well? There's there's the amazing kind of. Quantum aspect of where you just. Physics aspect where we're always trying to make sense of this. Idea that. There is no inherent south as we know it like. Here we are. Now I have a physical body identity. Around that body around the memories and thoughts that I have. And yet every day. Whatever it is that I think I am is exchanging out with the natural world. Right like I. Eat a carrot, some of that care it becomes and. And some moves back into nature than also we learned that our our atoms are constantly being switched out. So, what is it the? There's very little actual batter, sh-. Jamal comes out this little ball. That ball of manages expands and then dies and. And that? Matters, the same. The matter has completely been switched out lots of times over by the time Jamal is is. A returns to the Earth or my body returns they had so, what was it made me? That's the mystery right it was. It was the set of of Said of memories for shore at a set of actions, but also. and, perhaps like A. A, A mind streamers soul as the. Buddhist like the intensive. but But it's clear not getting under the spiritual around on a physical route, physical level that We really are in his continuous flow with. All of reality much like a wave has. A distinct look and you can follow that waves across the sea, and then it breaks on the ocean. Waves life and say that was a distinct way, but all the while the wave was just the ocean. It was. Energy moving through the media of Ocean, and it looks like it has all these distinct qualities in you can name it, but actually always was the entire ocean and and that seems to be the way that. Just reality is like everything is a way that actually down to the quantum level. Everything is moving as a particle or wave, and it's largely empty space. That we that we don't even understand at this point so I think it's a very satisfying quote on this. On an intellectual level of what we understand the paradox of being. In, roommate seemed to know that. End In lots of of a mystic have seemed to sense that. We are at once. The drop and the ocean. And And that every drops. Contained sort of. The. The. The potential of Of a of the whole. It contains the same basic essence. And And of course you can take that into real weird. Quantum, levels! Will maybe there are universes inside each Ataman? And I would not get into just mind boggling staff that is beyond my realm, but I've always found that somebody's likes to dabble in the quantum realm is really satisfying. Way of sending that up poetically and then at, but it's also. It's really what the White Ruby was looking at. It was like I think more. Of like a co on that was getting you to experience yourself as. An question the identity. And that's like more like zag level of like. Trying to break us out of our entrenched patterns at experience of that Satori you're like. This more here. There's more of. I don't have to be so locked in to my story of suffering. Do you know I could talk to you for hours Jamal I. Find Your stuff, so thought provoking Just encourage you to stop Ponda think re-address. A very conscious of your time and. You've got a new book coming out. wishes kids book. It's your first kids book right and it's coming at the end of June. Tell us about mop, yes. Really I realized that I. What I was trying to say a lot of words in Migra books. I could probably distill into a handful. And and. Actually mocked him to be just because one of the other things. I like Wabi Sabi things I like to do is doodle. I disliked to draw little stick figures in waves and things. Senator Dry, this one character, big curly hair like I had its kid and. I just really like drawing him, and then he just took on a character and live before I knew I had the story about this kid mop. WHO's nicknamed? Mop 'cause with them all But it keeps getting into. Big Emotions at school that Rodman to trouble. and. And so he learns what I learned I wish I'd learned at age seven or eight, but did until I was twenty that. Are lotions moves like waves. You can ride. The good ones happy feelings come and when they do absolutely shredded enjoy celebrated. But when those bad feelings come, that's okay. Storm ways or natural and. But you don't have to ride the storm wet right you can be. What did I. Say before the Ninja Surfer fear beds away. You get Ninja surf of your mental wives. You can you can duck dive on you can. and. If you do happen to get caught one, you could not fight it and relax, and so that really mopped learns that Metaphor. In August Satin. It clicks for him, but he can go back to school and. Anna and it's again and things. Don't go perfectly for he still gets angry. It's really like, but it's that lesson Saddam very said no problem. Is is sort of translating that sure kids and has absolutely stunning are by lies. Stick figures did. Didn't. With the publishers, so we were last defined. That Matthew Allergies A. artists in southern California. He did a really stunning job. With it, so I'm just having some fun with mop in the books I hope I can keep doing. We have a second one coming out basically like eight months later. And I just love it so where where do people check it out? Jim Moscow. There's a Lotta lead. Different Books an Yvette. You being doing quite a bit rotting since we last saw you in two thousand seventeen I think we caught up Where's the HUB FRILL? You're stuffy books or bet you you work. the DACA. Was the West simple? People J. A., R. M. A., L. Y. O.. G. I S. Dot net Jamal Yoga's dot net has. All my books and Mother good steps. You can watch the DOC on Youtube Right now during quarantine, the the producers put up there for free so. That's easy to find there and But yet mop is available anywhere. Books are sold. As are all my books. I think Dan way you guys are to that you can. You can order online or get him at your local bookstore so if your local store doesn't have until, tell him. This thing right will. We'll send you I A A T shirt when we've got the might. Ninja surfer. Ninjas surfer of your mental wives I think it's called out, thank. You might say good to catch up with the agree slice of book. In fact, the Curtis all the books and the doctor. It's beautiful. I'll put a loadings show nights and might we'll keep in touch great. Thank you so much great. Chatting against the radio, show. What did you get a massive headache? Call down. What's the so wash? So. What is my favorite part of that interview? Wendy's shed that story of the summary and zen-master. And the Difference Between Heaven and Hell. I thought that was. Gold is how simple and happen found that story was that it all has to do with their mind now I think thing that's. If, we look at Jamal and we didn't go into this show because we cover off in the last show, but he's very big on meditation. And I didn't. I intentionally didn't go down that offramp. But for those that are interested in meditation. Do you remember Giovanni? Defeats men, indeed. His what about a year ago was the last episode of one of seasons episodes two three, which Ma Bane to the end of season five. Yep. Anybody interested in meditation should listen to that shows a cracker in Giovanni talks about demystify it and talks about Ole all the different ways that we can gal about finding. Mindfulness and meditation, which is what Jamal is very very big on beacon. You can that in his previous episode? But, I thought. I thought. We would close with something that sits between Kinda. What Meditation Brings You? And the story of the summer I in mass of the differences between Heaven and hell that when you could find that place. I think that brings you freedom, but when you. He would freedom what I've been pondering talking to Jamal. As we think, freedom is freedom to do what you want when you want. But I think the biggest thing that Jamal brings to the show and Giovanni. The story that he told is when you could free your mind the burden of the past. or Opinions. And you can free your mind the heaven and Hell it's taking control of all your thoughts and your mind I think that. Is True Freedom. Among junk radio show well. We should probably think about closing out the show. Wide I, we throw the word freedom at Ula and see what you can come up with has. The first time I heard that song was my first ever radio station I worked at and I heard that song and I nearly fell off the chair. That is such a good song. But unfortunately I. Don't think it's US and it's probably a little. Bit Cliche Yeah Yeah. What else you got! A Now there's a classic. DOMINANT SKIN! Free But I. Don't know if they're audiences old enough to remember. Era, of free good, is it sad yuppie. Very. Seven other correct. What are you got? That'd be in your wheelhouse. That's that's that's brought up my alley absolutely, but apparently not yours. You're not much on a meal. Young Fan. I just don't see the attraction I mean that's a cracking song. Don't get me wrong if you're in the car with the windows down some of. You'd you'd crank it, but it's just I just wouldn't buy. And Neil young album put. There are millions of people lose. The plants on it sounds like it's best. That particular song sounds very. Let's do it. People say. Talk. Way Don Tonight. I'm Marie. The MOJO radio show is produced and recorded in the basement of food. Sound the law tips and tools to get your Mojo working. Check us out on facebook at the MOJO radio show or online at the MOJO radio show dot com to help us get better and get more people the opportunity to touch up them Ojha. You can now find us on unpatriotic. Follow the links on the front page of our website and for a coffee two a month you'll get bonus material and a copy of expressive hits nineteen. The best of the MOJO radio show. In the meantime to Polish your next radio production checkout through sound dot com Dodi you the about Gary. See Gary was dot com. And to book me Go to Andrew Pieces Dot Com. Andrew Pizzas speaking. See next time.

Jamal youtube Hawaii US WanNa Jamal Yoga Dana Gary Humble Garrett Dan writer I lake Rugby Netflix FACEBOOK Rumi Jason Harvard
135: It's Time to Double Down on All That is Good!

SoberSoul Recovery: Addiction, Sobriety, and Beyond!

24:57 min | 1 year ago

135: It's Time to Double Down on All That is Good!

"You're listening to the sober therapist sober. So recovery podcast episode number one thirty five. Welcome to the sober. So recovery podcast here we shine a little light on the over use of alcohol and drugs as a way of coping with our everyday stress. Each week will explore ways to start build a master a sober life that you don't need to escape from. Aw. Also. Can. He's solar has its Lynn. Gosh I'm so sorry I left. y'All hanging last week Yep I went a little. Am I A and I'm going to tell you why a little sweaty this morning because I'm nervous and no, I haven't relapsed. There's nothing like that. It's more about what's happening in the United States of America where I live I know I have a lot of people listening who don't live in the country that I live in. So I'd be surprised if y'all hadn't heard about what happened last night and that is our first presidential debate. As we? Go into the final weeks before we vote for the president of the United, states don't worry I'm not going to get all political here. What I want to talk about today is how it is affecting this stuff that's going on in two thousand and twenty all of it including the race relations and Covid nineteen and the economy and what seems to be a little bit of a problem with our democracy in the united. States how it's affecting me, and that's why I'm a little nervous because I want to share with you what I've been going through in the hopes that we can all get through this together. So going back to last week, I have not been sleeping well, I. Think I've mentioned this a couple of times on previous podcast in the later months of the summer, but it's really been a combination I think of what's been happening. You know with everybody in the United States in the world around Cova da and uncertainty, but it's really gotten to be a peak for me because. I am frustrated and I'm not sure what to do with all of this Energy Aka frustration as I explained before in previous episodes I, know a lot of it has come from or at least not a lot of it but some of it has come from where I live. So I know I have control over that I'm changing that up I'm really excited about the move that I'm making to this wonderful development and a new place to set as my home, my home base a that's not all of it. The conundrum, which by the way isn't that a great word. Gosh. Okay. As an aside, it was also one of my favorite wines that I used to drink long ago just to get that out there the conundrum that I'm dealing with right now is okay what's going on with me in terms of how I'm feeling about all of this sustained uncertainty and damn what can I do about it? Like many of you I'm tired of this really really tired of not knowing the right steps to take who look for for leadership who to believe you know what to do in my day to make it more effective for me to stay healthy it just seems. Like one big mess, I am truly tired of having conversations with people that end in dispute not because we don't like each other because we have different values and different ideals of the world. All of that is okay. I know how to make boundaries around that. But Damn it's been really difficult this year because we're getting slammed with. So much of it. It being choices that we have to make day in and day out without any real guidance exhausting it's fatigue it's overwhelm and we have to figure out how to get back up from this we really do and I don't mean to sound like. Old Nineteen eighties. Cheerleader Lynn at all, that's not who wanna be for this podcast. Really. Not who I want to be in life anymore when I'm looking at to help me is to dig deep. To figure out how am I gonNA lift myself out of this conundrum this tricky confusing and difficult problem that I find myself and And I know I can do it. I've done it before I. Know this is difficult for all of us and I know you can do it too. So whether you want to apply when I'm going to talk about for the rest of the podcast to your issue with substances or your issues in relationships or like I'm going to do my issues with how I feel about the world. What I want us to focus on what I hope. With all my heart and soul will bring me more guidance in wisdom to take me into two thousand and twenty one can't get here soon. Enough. is to double down on all. That is good in my life I'm doing it. Day I'd have not as I said been sleeping well. What I do know do well is create a comfy bed. So I'm getting new sheets. I'm also going to do the things. I. Know on a daily basis bring me joy and I'm going to do more of it starting with my bed because damn. If I can't sleep I'm going to be comfortable in my bad I'm going to bring out the comfy. Most plush stuff that I have all of my pillow's start with your womb. If you will with your safe place and mine has been for the last ten years my bedroom. That's where I feel like I want to Nestle on one inoke I want to really just dig in to me being comfortable and relaxed, and I'm tired of it being placed that I'm thrashing about. So. If I wake up in the middle of the night I, WanNa be able to lean over and see my dog sleeping on a pillow that I pulled out for them. I'm talking about my dogs why? Because they are what's accessible for me I don't have a significant other in my life right now I don't have children I'm not close to my family. So I'M GONNA. Look and double down all that is good and these dogs and that Mimi cat really good in my life petting them, touching them playing with them comforting them I have Winston Churchill whose Winnie. Who is twelve years old? He's coughing a lot and I just bought a new stairs, a set of stairs for my bedroom laugh at me if you want. But that was part of what I wanted to drive myself toward in creating comfort for him to make sure he can get up there anytime during the day and make himself comfortable. The same way I wanna make myself comfortable throughout my day. So of course, the bed is not necessarily going to be the focus during the waking hour so. All right. Let's move out into the rest of our lives. What else can we do to really turn up the volume on the good stuff I'm GonNa give you examples of which working right now in my life when I'm teen stock of and what I want to accept in my life. That is not perfect but it's working the little stuff I went through my three closets that have been holding onto of clothes and got rid of hundred and forty hangers worth of stuff last week that really helped. I know there's what is it Murray, Condo Iron Marie Condo the heck out of my closet and it was hard driving up to goodwill with all of that coaching in the back of my suv but I did it. I did it and I feel lighter and better because of it that is moving toward the good less of what was holding me down and I really am emphatic about doing more of that. I think that's kind of all. We have available to us right now at least that's how I feel. How do we look toward feeling better more content during times when it's really difficult to do that. We look toward the people that we love be with people who make you smile I know we live with family who doesn't always make a smile but let's try. Let's try harder to make light of things that seemingly are dark. To shine some kind of sunshine into these crevices of these really awkward and messy moments in our lives right now, politics health care budgets, whatever it is for you what you've been fighting about or ruminated about this last week dive deep into those thoughts, excavate them up and try to do something with those thoughts. For instance, if you're anything like me when I get annoyed at the rest of the world, I get annoyed at the little things in my life whatever that looks like for you for me it's I've used the example before and I'm gonNA use it again when I see poop from dogs around my neighborhood that people don't pick up. I. Get Really Mad and I want them to pick up their poop. So what am I going to do this week? I'm going to pick up their poop yes I am don't say that I'm not I'm going to try at least because I want to find the opposite of what I've been feeling and I. Know as someone who believes in neurobiology and someone who works with people every day about their deepest feelings that our thoughts drive our feelings and drive our behaviors. So if I can just stop focusing on one negative thing poop when I'm walking my dogs three times a day I'm going to try hard to do that. I have control over that. That doesn't mean I'm leaving behind my values values that I've. Discerned especially in the last ten years of sobriety. Make me happy I now have left a lot of the values that I acquired throughout my life. In the past. Those are the values of people I love and loved, but they're not my values. So I, do you want to hold on dear to those values find what is true and fairer and what I believe in an honor them yet right now, I don't have to be driven hundred percent by those values in all aspects of my life. But I want to turn down the volume on the judgment of other people around those values not everybody has my set of values. That's what makes them unique to me in the more I listen to the negative voice in my head judging other people around my value system the less I empathize and have compassion for there's here's the hard knock. We're human which makes us different biologically similar. But in the real world of nature and nurture, we arrive at different mindsets and we have to learn to be with each other more especially right now. Accepting of each other. I've got a lot of work to do on this as do a lot of my facebook friends. and. God. Bless America I am not on twitter and I think sweet baby Jesus every day that I'm not. But for those of you who are, let's ratchet that back another coping skill I'm going to re up and revisit on a daily basis is I'm going to imagine the best for me. I'm not going to be afraid to look at what I really want out of life as a fifty six year old single woman who probably is not going to get married again because I don't want to I have to look at what is it that I want from my life? Many people many of us avoid this process because we don't want to be disappointed if things don't work out. The truth is that imagining fantasizing even about getting what you want in need out of live is a huge part of achieving it. To focus to visualize to fantasize about my new apartment, my a new furniture that I hope to get in the next year is important to me because it is the underpinning of my comfort my closeness to south my contentment and my home bodied nece how I create the safety in my own life it's important to me and I want to do more of it I wanNA acknowledge when I'm doing it and why I'm doing it. Return again to the things that you love I do this periodically with music. I love to sing. It's hard to sing as a older woman who doesn't go to church every Sunday and know has a dog that. Tends to sing. Loudly as party trick when I was still drinking little, Winnie would sing with me and now he gets really upset when I sing Bonnie Rait I am not kidding I can literally start the first few songs of some of my favorite Bonnie Raitt or the first few notes of the of songs that I love by Bonnie Raitt, and he starts how lean. But I have to find time for music when when he's not with me, I need that I need to do those things that I love more make time for them. What is that for you? I am in awe of people who are taking vacations right now. I can't do that because I'm scared. I really am I'm still very frightened about going somewhere and being around other people via an airplane or other places but if that's your jam, maybe it's worthwhile to you to kind of figure out how to do that. Imagine yourself doing the things love more and then do them. Another thing I want to kind of return to is to push myself to do things not others. Many. Of US get caught up in this feeling that. Someone else's responsible for fulfilling me but the reality is that. It's all us. It's all US won t realize that you have more power to get where you want to go? So when we blame other people. Or presidents, vice presidents, former presidents, Congress whom ever. Others in the world. We're taking our power in giving it to other people. We. I need to look more to myself to push to find the answers from within. Because that's what I know I know it brings me more fulfillment. Another thing I wanna highlight is something that kind of comes more naturally to me that I figured out in life and that is to be open to change nobody likes a lot of change all at once. Some of us are more comfortable but to change and actually invite a lot of change into their lives I mean, all you have to do is look at mine and I had to accept that that's what I lake over time. It was something that I was trying to discount about myself for many years like. I'll settle down quote unquote whatever that meant that's not who I am. I'm a bit of an adventurer point to really underscore that I am not like somebody who jumped off cliffs and Out of airplanes or anything like but for me adventure is change. So even if it doesn't feel good to you change is one thing that we can count on. Oh my goodness isn't that the truth look at everything that we've been through in this year change is going to happen and our lives are changing. Our world is changing drastically. One of the things we don't talk about that is impacting our world. The most is that they're more of US which makes us have to interact with more people. That's not GonNa Change. It's exponentially going to increase over time. So we need to plan. We need to shore ourselves up emotionally for the experience of life and how do I know to do that? The best way that I've learned how in my personal and professional life is to simplify To return to the simple basic needs that I have that my family has that my pets have that my friends have and trying get those needs met. We treasure. Try and treasure them without a phone in your hand. Try and take them in without videoing them. Return to. Simplicity. I'm big on this right now for multiple reasons in my life, you just heard me talk about earlier shedding a hundred and forty. Yep I'm going to state again hangers worth close. I'm also shedding those hundred and forty hangers imagine your life simpler. How could you make one or two things happen this week to make your life simpler. Are Complicating our own lives to the degree that we can't even see how miserable we are most of the time I. Know You understand what I'm talking about? It's the reaching for the phone. It's the reaching for the food. It's reaching for the alcohol to soothe ourselves when we have what it takes. Right here in this body. And I have a hard time remembering that I get it. It's struggle I'm sharing my struggle with you today in the hopes that you can. Help. ME. Just by talking about it with you to talk to open up dialogue to in the hopes that we can actually create some kind. Big Wonderful Change in our lives. You know there's this old sane right around lemons and lemonade. One of the things that gets left out of making lemonade out of lemons is accepting the lemons. Literally. Looking at what's in front of us in accepting it for what it is. So when I'm looking at what's happening in my country, the United States right now. It's happening. It's been happening for years. My is. Probably should have been open to that a lot sooner but have not been. My heart is now on to it, and the question that my soul is asking me is what are you learning? What we're is the wisdom here. And with every fiber of my being. I M hearing feeling knowing. To go within. Not, to, hide. But to understand how to be in this world of chaos and still be myself. Still get my needs Matt. Still. Take care of the people and the puppies. And kittens that I love to be able to come to you each week and talk about things authentically in with passion. That's what's important to me. I want to hang onto that. Yeah. That's how I feel. Thanks for hanging with me today. Sorry about last week take care be well, and I'll talk to you real soon. Thanks for listening to this sober. So recovery podcast with me Linh Matty if you like my show and want to learn more checkout sober. So recovery dot net or please leave me a nicer review on itunes. Join me here each week were together. We start building and master sober life.

United States president Bonnie Rait Covid United America Nestle facebook twitter Cheerleader Lynn Winston Churchill I lake Linh Matty Cova da Murray Mimi Matt Winnie Congress
225: TAKING TIME TO PROCESS, HEAL AND START OVER

THE HAPPY WORKAHOLIC PODCAST

27:27 min | 1 year ago

225: TAKING TIME TO PROCESS, HEAL AND START OVER

"Welcome to the Happy Workaholic podcast I'm your host Kellyanne Gorman over the past twenty years I've worked in beauty luxury corporate and service driven industries I created the opportunity and these careers and in my own businesses that allow me to travel the world experience once in a lifetime events and build brands while providing my expertise to clients all around the globe life is short and when you're given a second chance you better believe I'm going to take it, celebrate it and share it with you. This show is intended to elevate your mind upgrade your business, enhance your life and. Become, part of a positive and uplifting community. If you're ready to take your business in life to that next level you deserve to be at this is the show for you inspiration motivation and determination are what got me to wearing them today tune in every week to hear for myself other entrepreneurs, professional patients, small business owners, and fellow podcasters who will be featured on the show. I'm here to remind you to work hard share your story, follow your dreams and never ever give up. Thanks for taking the time to subscribe to the Happy Workaholic podcast today's episode starts now. Hello Hello and welcome back to a brand new show you are listening to episode number. Two hundred. Twenty Five and. His Nice to be back to be recording It's been kind of crazy the last few months. I'm not going to lie or sugarcoat any of it and I'm also going to get into it all in a minute so. The last episode I recorded. Solo was a little bit over a month ago and the last two weeks I took off from producing shows and just affiliate went on what's to come my next solo show actually will be October first. So in two months, I'm taking a longer break because I need it, and where I am going to be doing in the meantime is sharing episodes that I've recorded with some pretty incredible guests one I. AM So thrilled about her name is Susie and she goes by the copper vessel on Instagram and I've named dropped her so many times on this show and she's finally coming on and she is the one that does those incredible sound bath that I'm obsessed with. So cannot wait for you guys to hear that show it's coming up I can't even see the date from my calendar I'm sitting on my bed recording right now. it's in a couple of weeks so. First of all craziest thing I never record the slate and the fog coming in from the beach right now into my window was deafening my desk. Microphone and everything. It was insane. It's the craziest thing. It's very et vibe ish I must say, anyway, it's just so crazy to record the last few months have just been. Really really intense and I feel good about sharing some of the things that have been happening and. Maybe I'll share the rest another time another episode I don't even know but I'm going to share a lot with you right now. So thank you so much for allowing me to take a break and thank you first of all for. All of your messages. Through if you're sending for my mls actually took a break from that as well for the last couple of weeks one is going out tonight. So if you WANNA, keep in touch with me, you can actually sign up to be a member of my email lists through my website to visit the Happy Workaholic Dot Com Click on newsletter tab, and then you can sign him break there. Again, one is going out later tonight and they usually come to your inbox every Wednesday I needed to take a break from literally everything all social media every thing I. deleted all the apps off my phone they were off my computer I mean all of it. And I have never done that. especially. If my phone I've definitely taken a hiatus but Never. Deleted them off my phone a so it felt really good but I did get so many emails in so many text messages literally one hundred of them if not more asking me if I was okay and some days I am in some days I'm not and I'm just going to be completely honest with you because I always have been on the show and it was federal. Nice. Yeah. Those messages from people not GonNa lie like are you alive because you're not in social media I did have a covert scare which I'm going to get into in a minute as well and not honestly just was finalized. And there's just been so much going on. So I needed a break. I. Needed You know there's a lot of stuff going out of the podcasting. We're all I was just not okay with personally and instead of calling somebody out and just being negative about it I just decided to walk away. So with my show I, plan on bringing you the best. Possible shows, I can do personally my solo episodes and I haven't been able to do that. So that's another reason why needed to take a break because I'm like physically mentally and emotionally drained I'm exhausted I hit it hard during this pandemic working on so many projects and I literally am suffering from exhaustion as we speak today's Day six that I've been that. Which is why I thought I had cove it but anyway going back to you know I'm just so grateful that you guys tune in you leave the reviews. If you have never left me a review for the show please do that when you're done listening to today today's episode because it's something that I Really. Appreciate. And it's something not a lot of people do and I'm not really sure why and they mean a lot to people that spend time recording and editing and producing and writing, and you know pushing out content and giving our time and energy in value in like everything. And reading reviews they really do me a lot. So if you haven't left one, I, would really love if you did that and I can read them since I'm on social media hiatus, I am going to be posting on Monday and taking another break. So I just know I need it. I don't Miss It. I log on today for a couple things and I miss it. and. So what else can I start to fill you in on? Okay. So that's the deal with the show so I will be returning again on. First and in the meantime, you get to hear some pretty incredible stories from gas for all different series. So you'll be hearing those shows per usual on. Wednesdays. And let me tell you about this week so. Today's day six in my bed. I took a Cova test a couple days ago I wasn't in the area of anybody positive that I know of but I had crazy symptoms and I, did have a test Fedex to me in the beginning of July and then Fedex. Will pick it up. So it's overnight and then it's overnight express again and I had my results When did I get them twenty four hours they got my results so. it went through Pixel by LABCORP. So if you in need of a test that's free, they can do that for you. So check that out. And I, got my results this morning. It was negative. Thank God I was freaking out I. Literally Made Myself Sick. I had the worst anxiety. I was having panic attacks but I did have fevers I had like the flu situation and I had a burst of energy that one day so like it's like. This is definitely like the flu and I swear already had covert in January the last week of January the week I moved. Everyone around me all of my friends and my roommates then, and now we're like you for sure had it. Then because you are literally dying and I had the upper respiratory situation than and everything but knocking what I survived and Nobody around me them, which is also weird. So this disease is just in Sane. So with my crazy ptsd, let me tell you a little story. I got on my food delivered and I'm meal prep because I didn't want to get my roommate's sick. So I made food enough for like two weeks in you know in case I had to be isolated in my room I didn't WanNa like have to Lysol pass and bleach everything. Although I would, but I just wanted to not be in the kitchen. So I prepped all these meals freaking out. you know I always prepare for the worst I always prepare like I'm going to die and that's something I'm trying to work through right now just from like you know obviously my previous like medical issues and Being, misdiagnosed and all that fun stuff. So that's been like pretty heavy the last few months and I even did something again today it was pouring gatorade into ice cube trays and like just in case something happens and my roommate was like what the Hell is going to happen I'm like I don't know I just need to be prepared. So that's basically where my mind and I'm just sharing this with you because this shit is real and sometimes I don't even realize doing things because I'm like in such a robotic form. That I just always had to prepare for the worst and so now because I thought I had it I was just lighting everything up and I was not okay and I'm just going through some other personal staff and like disappointments and it's just like one thing after the next. So this is why it's good to not be on social media because there's not a Lot Of positivity and I just need a break I don't WanNa. Have to deal deal with anything. I don't want to have to post anything just WANNA be period I wanna be in my bed. I. WanNa do nothing I'm watching hallmark I'm watching Netflix I'm running a shit ton of books. My goal is read a book a week and I'm literally reading the book of today's. An audible. So just quickly sharing those books with you I think I shared a couple of them with you and another episode but I've read Marie folios. Everything is figure out -able Jensen Chernow's here about. Making money, and then you're about every day and then I read the miracle morning, which is so good. by HAL elrod, and he has another one miracle equation. That's a followup to that book that that I'm about to read and then dare to lead by Bruno Brown. Then I'm reading Antle I finish a book a week I am doing all the DIY crafts If you check out my pinterest, you'll probably figure out what I've been doing but I know owner glue gun and the proud owner of glue gun I have been crafting I, have a beautiful succulent wall. All the greenery I have floral rings and you'll be able to see them very soon because I've been working on a lot of projects, which is why I'm doing these things. As backdrop. So I am working on a number of projects actually studying a lot. I'm learning a lot of investing money. I'm investing my time and I just I really want to take myself to like the next level. I. Deserved to be out. You know I always say like. You know you should get the next level that you and your business deserve to be at I. Deserve to be at a much to her place than I was the last four years dealing with. Being sick learning I was misdiagnosed and this legal battle. Now I've been getting so many messages about my legal case and I'm officially done. August seventeenth, which is the Monday. For me personally and so I had a couple of things I had I had do two things and that needed to finalize everything. So on my end and I completed them so I'm happy to share that. That's what I'm going to be sharing. Well, it'd be talking about doing that like more about that in the future. Yes. But I'm not sure on this show. So stay tuned for that. something else I want to share with you is that you know I've just really taken a lot of time to just journal. Meditate. Do my sound bass you know go for my walks, but now I have vertigo. So still talking about diy in crafting I have had. Olive oil and garlic in my ear. And teacher oil in both of my ears all day today every hour on the hour to heal this vertigo in this message in my ear. That's like from stress and from water ahead, it stuck in my ear and just it's always one thing after the next you know. So it's like, what am I gonNA catch, your break So I was literally lying Ted Watching Amazon prime movies I'm switching it up with all my subscriptions and I just had cotton balls in anatomy air every hour, and it does feel a lot better my roommate and I were investigating different holistic approaches. So I was like scared to death. To do that and I did it. So I'm proud of myself and it does feel so much better. I. Feel like a little nasal right now. So maybe something's dripping down and like exiting my body so it would be amazing because I had vertigo so bad on a walk I couldn't even focus on the ocean because everything was moving. It was awful that was Sunday since then it's kind of been lingering. So I would really like for that to exit my body and I know that stress like really triggers that as well a top of everything else. So. I'm just over here trying to deal with this exhaustion that I have and You know really really heal my body and like process a lot of shit the tappan in my life the last couple of years and I haven't had time to do that I haven't ever stopped. So this week I stopped, and ironically a lot of my clients took a break from their shows so that he will give me a bigger break and they didn't even know I was taking a break so that all worked. Perfectly. and. I did a lot of recipe creating what you're going to hear a lot more on very soon and other than that. I was in my bed. That's it. I was in bed Monday through today's Saturday and. I just can't even go for a walk like I'm just so exhausted and talking to my doctor yesterday and she's like you literally have not let your body hill like you jump right into this legal battle you know you're working and. You're podcasting and then you're doing it for like all these other shows and you're just like non stop worrying about everybody else like now's the time to worry about you. Now is really upset about something in the other day and I called him my really good friends and she's like listen. Do you now is the time to do? So this is my advice in passing over to you. If you're listening to this episode right now you're going through some serious shit like I am what you need to do is write down your feelings and try to process I highly suggest that therapist. and. Just work on yourself because that's the only thing that you can do and if you WANNA be your best self, you're just going to end up being your best self for others around you whether it's your children. Your family, your friends, your significant other, and that's just what I'm doing. So I need to you know do different things. I. Need to give my mind and my brain of frigging break because it's been going non stop for a very long time. And Boy, do I feel it when you stop, it's like a ton of bricks like consistently hit you over and over again like I literally feel like. Shit. and. That's all for the mental health part of the show. But. That's just where I'm not going to be honest with you I wanted to completely quit this show a couple of weeks ago. That's where I was at because. So many things were happening back to back to back that we're just not okay and You know maybe I'll do a show on that I've definitely done a podcast advocate show. But just certain things were happening in the podcasting world that I just don't agree with and it's just not my scene and. I. Don't even know what else I can even say about that except I, just I was done. and. The whole reason why have this show is to have a platform for other people to share their story and this was a solo show for a solid year if not longer I think actually it was like a year and a half I know I just always had solo shows that was to share my story to help other people, and then it was too Cher. Show their stories so that they could have this platform and share in continuously always help people whether it was in the personal light, their business like all these other episodes we've done the series I've created. But. Sometimes, you hit a roadblock and. I haven't been able to create anything until last Wednesday. This should just kept poor like my mind was going a mile a minute and I literally couldn't keep the pent-up like could not keep. I couldn't right quick enough for the amount of shit that was like popped up in my head and it was something that I've been working on a project I've been working on for really really really long time. And? Nothing seemed to fit nothing seemed right and finally it hit me and I was like Holy Shit and then as soon as I came up with the name, the DOT COM is available and I was like holy crap like how did that just happen and then all of that made me even more exhausted. So I haven't worked since but welcome to the life of a creative and somebody that's always creating content and. I don't even know it's just crazy how life is these days? The pandemic is just really fucking a lot of things up and I know that you all feel it because I was getting messages and people text me and. I'm seeing so many people you know have baby announcements, but then I'm seeing so many separations and divorces and friendships, and like I'm going through it right now and it's just You know I'm seeing things that I like it's just pure disappointment i. don't even know what else to say about it but you're like really like why now like life is too short like it just doesn't add up it doesn't make any sense but I just have to. Be My own bestself and move forward. So that's what I suggest for you. So if you feel exhausted and you need a break take it, it's okay to take a break I, let everybody knows taking a break I sent an email ow. Was On my social media and you know where to find me. You can send me an email. Hello at the Happy Workaholic Dot Com. You can send him for my email us and communicate with me there and not everybody needs to be on social media. You know I'm working on other projects that it's not even involved and it's like a dream to be honest like being on social media you have this insane pressure I mean I can tell you right now I put a very large amount of pressure on myself and that's just my own thing. But in being a perfectionist on top of that is also a whole `nother ordeal to work through but You know for over a decade straight like that's just a lot like you just seen fucking break like walk away from the damn screen and just be yourself and learn how to like process, and he'll and like live life without. An instagram story real. You know what? I mean like just try it. Telling you, YOU'RE GONNA. Feel Great. You're gonNA feel weird I can tell you that because I want to happy hour a couple of weeks ago with a friend and she had left early. Now she's sitting there. Do you want to know what I read apple? News Google News C. N. something else I have no social media my phone. So sitting there drinking beer like just reading all the news and that's not really positive either. To be honest, Oh that was really strange but I'm just really excited that like I can take this break. You know you need to do something in life where you're allowed to take breaks you give yourself that time so. What else did I wanNA share with you I shared with you have a very long list because I didn't WanNa Miss Anything because I'm not going to be on for another two months. Oh I. Just WanNa remind you that I will be back October first with a braiding solo show with a whole lot of announcements I mean major huge I mean things have been working on for years finally happening. So that's also why I can't have social media like in my mind and my way like period not my though my little bubble. So in the meantime it the next two months you're going to be hearing from my guests every Wednesday. And then You know what I am doing is you know like I said earlier I'm a apart of a bunch of incredible projects and my own, and I'm just really taking the time to heal and process and just start over to be honest with you. You know I don't know what's going to happen with this show I. I just I don't even know I don't even know what to tell you how I feel. Something's going to change something may not some things may change I should say some things may not Do I WANNA ended? Do I want a new show? Do I want to go in a different direction? Do I want to rebrand to any new site what products in my launching what businesses am I creating like it's a lot and I Don't know what I WANNA do with it all so and that's never really happened. So I just WANNA start over because I. Feel like I've been doing the same thing for four years and I'm just kind of this chapter of my life is ending and I just want to start over and so many people that I've talked not so many but like my little bubble that I've spoken to that I trust that I've mentioned this to. it's kind of fifty fifty split on them agreeing with what I I feel like doing and. They're. In all different types of businesses and not one of them do what I do. So that's also. Hard because. You know it's nice to get advice from somebody that's doing what you're doing but nobody does what I do. So it's just easier to get advice from like the closest people to you so that you know you trust them and you couldn't really see it from their vision as a consumer. So that's what's happening. Oh, my pizzas here. Hold on. On my gosh. That was so funny back. So I ordered a pizza and I'm watching the got it from grub hub. I always used door dashboard I used to grab up for some reason coupon because who doesn't love a fucking coupon. and. I have it open on my computer and watching the Green Line. Recording I lake was looking down on my bed and I wasn't looking at Green Line and knock knock us here. So that was timed like too perfect minute. So? I think that's all I have to share with you guys right now is that. You know if you're going through, I just wanted to give you an update on what's to come with this show. What's not to come with the show who you can expect to hear from I've said, it my guest coming up I mentioned it on the last previous episodes So tune into those if you haven't left to review would really really loved one. Let me know what you WanNa hear about like topics gas. what you love what you didn't love. It really helps me out and you can leave me a review over on Apple podcasts and then my soul recording Jesus I hope. So yes, ma'am it's been so long since cook show this is so funny I'm like I hope not just didn't delete but it and so thank God. It's just really nice to take a break. You guys. I don't know. I don't remember what it's like to feel like human I do a lot of robotic things. Because I had no other choice now, I'm just trying to feel on robotic. And that's really the only way I can explain it and just get like a fresh start. I wanted to start my life over. So I'm going to take you on that journey with me. Elsewhere. So you're definitely going to want to Senate from email because that's where you're going to find out I. so again, just visit the Happy Workaholic Dot Com Click the newsletter tab, and then every Wednesday you'll get a life update from me and if you want some coaching if you want some podcast saying you know like any info, any of that, you know where to find me on my website and then you'll have my email, my cell phone number, all that fun stuff, and that's really how you can get a hold of me over the next two months. and. You Know I. Just Really WanNa remind you that if you need to read the books, do the relaxing do the recharging? It's okay like you need to allow yourself to do that because if I did end I would be. A looney tunes camp for Sure Lake. Absolutely I would be there. Like it's been rough and I'm not GONNA lie. That's ongoing to say about that. But I'm just going to continue to take more time to just like process in he'll and like find my new beginning and. Just. Like Be alone so that I can be a better person for you for my friends for my clients you know and I suggest you know the moral of episode is take the time to be alone so that you can you. Know do better get better be better and just like be like if you have a beach, go to the damage have a lake anything nature water. It's so therapeutic highly suggested it and just sit there and turn your phone off and just sit. And it's GonNa, do a number and bring a journal I highly suggest. But that's worth been. That's what's happening. That's what's coming up and I will talk to you guys again in two months. Your time is so valuable and I really appreciate you carving out a little piece of your day to listen to today's episode. If you liked this one, please share it with someone who you feel needs to have his message and don't forget to tag me at the happy workaholic on facebook and instagram. So I can feature you on my stories listening on Apple podcasts I will love it. If you would leave Mary view on today's show your input me. So much and also helps to create more of the content. You'll love to continue today's conversation. You can join us in the hoppy Workaholic Network facebook group simply answer the questions any ran for more information on myself, and to get the latest business linked in organizing podcasting news sign up to receive my weekly newsletter at the Happy Workaholic Dot Com I hope that your day continues to be happy healthy, positive and productive, and I'll talk to you again soon.

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Kizer Fan Design Winner, Taschi Bharucha/Custom Knife Factory Collab, Civivi Dogma and Grass Cutting Knives  The Knife Junkie Podcast Episode 131

The Knife Junkie Podcast

38:11 min | 1 year ago

Kizer Fan Design Winner, Taschi Bharucha/Custom Knife Factory Collab, Civivi Dogma and Grass Cutting Knives The Knife Junkie Podcast Episode 131

"While at the. News and information about nights. Young. On every week junkie to Mario Lately, anyway, one thirty, one of the knife junkie by I'm co-host here. Jim The knife, Newbie, person and I'm Bob the NYPD JUNKIE DEMARCO welcome to the show, the knife Janke podcast. Hopefully as you know, and if you're new to the show, this podcast is the place for knife. newbies like me and perhaps a few other knife noobs out there as well as knife junkies to learn more about knives and knife collecting really go deep into the weeds on our Wednesday show. We talk knife life news We have some different things we discuss. We also get into Bob's state of his collection where he talked about different knives, sometimes doing reviews sometimes talking. Talking about the process of buying all kinds of behind the scenes, stuff of knife collection, and we would love to hear from you if you have any thoughts about his collection or share thoughts about your collection or anything else you've heard on the show. Give us a call on our listener line at seven, two, four, four, six, six, four, four, eight, seven, seven, two, four, four, six, six, four, four, eight, seven. You Know Jim when you were just describing what the show is for it really occurred to me. It's all the stuff that I want to say that. My wife doesn't want to hear or will be nice and save them, but won't really here, so this is. Junkies people who yeah I'll sit here in trade fifteen minutes and listen to some nice talk now. Well, we try to make it a beneficial knife talk. Try to bring it some knife life news, maybe kind of go little bit deeper into the story that Maybe you. You haven't heard just in a cursory glance on the Internet that kind of thing, but also occasionally have segments to our podcast like maintenance minutes, tips first tool those kind of. Of things educational stuff that we do those on a semi regular basis, but coming up today we're of course going to recap and other epoch Thursday. Night Knives video show which featured the first ever knife giveaway for the knife junkies patriarch so will announce that winter again tonight, but it was done Thursday also in knife life news. We've got some news from Kaiser as well as custom knife, factory, and then our state of the collection. Bomb's GONNA. Talk about this avivy dogma that he got from the knife whisperer also an update on the axe knife, throwing target and That was this past weekend and I think Bob is still sore from that. And I know everyone's been waiting for this update so absolutely. And then of course Bob was given a Sikh QC fifteen, and he is going to pay it forward with a knife giveaway, so we'll kind of give a little bit more about that, so bob a lot to talk about again this midweek. Yeah, yeah, and I feel I have to i. have to correct things from the show notes. You just read Jim. It was indeed a super see. QC Fifteen and I am not paying that knife forward I am. Another knife, or because that thing. I gotta hold onto that for a while right well. I thought I'd made that clear. Yeah, but. It was the greedy part of me. That was that that needed to make that stipulation. Yeah, well so Thursday night knives. This past week was epic Jim. Would you say more EPOCA? They are? They are more ethic. Every they are building steam. You know each week I invite a co host to come on or two, and then all of our friend show up. We have a lot of people who are who are hopping on with their webcams and joining us or smart. Or smartphones, yeah. We had a bearded gear and the knife whisper co hosting this week. Bearded gear has a new channel six months old, some two hundred videos already and just a great take, great perspective and I I really. Have grown to love his his videos I say grown to love. It's not like I. Just sort of discovered him through through some of our other friends like the knife whisper who also has a new channel. He came on and also Alex from Alex's knife box. We had Dave Everett this old sword. We had my brother Vic show up which was awesome. Because we talked about something he made me kept confusing the listeners there looking those two squares on the screen saying. Odds on the left with no beard areas on the right with a bit. What's going on here? I think the real confusing came when people looked away, and they couldn't tell us apart by our voices, and and neither can our father, so he was probably confused was watching. Spirited Blades and that's Ryan and slice e he showed up. And it was great isn't the way when Falen Oilman. Yeah I hope hope. He's feeling better, Yup, yeah. Real soon so Yeah, it was a great night we did our first patriots on give away, and that's for the ten dollars a month, gentleman, junkie level, and of course. If you're a woman in, you're listening out there. Gentlemen only refers to the the category of knife the gentleman, and then we have the tactical that we the traditional so we take person gentle person. Yeah, but don't understand that is a category. So, please. Feel, free to get. So Gentlemen Junkie Monthly giveaway. Winner was Caleb Townsend Caleb. Townsend, one SR one from cold steel, Our one light of folding monster of a knife, and you might recognize the name Caleb Townsend. He's he's a frequent contributor to Thursday night knives, but also he won the TUR's Wola auction lot at right. After the the townhall remember Jim It was the ninth the. And the titanium. He won it by being the high bidder. So that's that's what I mean. That's what I mean he he was in there the whole way, and he gave the high bid, so he he won the knife in an auction, but he also won this randomly. You set up a cool little wheel What was that something? I found on the Internet through a some of the youtube channels. I follow the I'm into reselling of course NS, several of them have live auction shows some of the the shows have giveaways as part of their package, their show, and instead of doing the random number generator, which is good, but you can't really see it in that kind of thing this random roulette wheel. Interactive everybody can see it spinning. Their names were there and you know it randomly picks a winner and then applause and Confetti blows. You know when the winner is an outside. I just thought it. Was Kinda cool something visual since we're doing a video show on Thursday night. Yeah, yeah, I thought that was cool, too. Because right we, we used a random number generator from random dot org account number, and you just click the button and boom. The number appears, and you know obviously that process is happening lightning speed inside a computer. Slowing it down in seeing always going to be is going to be. An Atlanta, Caleb concentrated there. You go man, so that was that was pretty cool, so we have another you know. Next month will have another one. We were GONNA. Try to do the third Thursday of every month for Thursday night knives That's going to be the knife. Give away so that that's a plan at least for now, so if you're not yet a member of the Patriotic Bob, said go hidden. You've got time to get in for the next one, and so we got two new ones to new patrons during Thursday night knives and it was awesome. Yeah was really really awesome to are very good friends Edwin. And Ryan, spirited blades and callow pr you know him. Edwin is is our resident Emerson expert. He's got an incredible collection and a deep knowledge of all things. Emerson knives and then Ryan. You know MS, spirited blades. He has this epic and growing collection of super custom super high end. produced by all the best people are knives out there and he has introduced me so many new makers, not new makers makers new to me. People are just not in my stratosphere and. I'm very grateful to both these guys for not only being consistent contributors coming on and and adding to the conversation now they're adding funds to to make it even better and so I greatly appreciate it to all the Patriots patrons. Thank you well. If you'd like to get onto the night. Chunky DOT COM slash patriarch I'm chunky dot com slash. On three different levels for you, of course to support the work of the. Knife Junkie on here on audio on the podcast as well as video and all that kind of good stuff. We've had generous people on Thursday night knives, also super chat US money I appreciate that, too, but all that being said. Just listening and just showing up, and and you know leaving a thumbs up or a comment or just listening and enduring the youtube commercials. If you're on Youtube is. Thank you, well, speaking of epoch and EPA Ker and more epoch, and all those kinds of things. What can we do next well? We had the announcement. Thursday night on Thursday night knives. We kicked off the show by announcing that blade show had in fact been canceled. Many of us were wondering. You know kind of win. It was really going to happen because with. With everything going on in Atlanta you know a no behind the scenes we had been talking and thinking. There's just no way it's going to be able to go on this year. And so finally they they made the announcement that they were gonNA cancel blade. Show this year. We had already been chatting about doing something on blade. Show weekend, if in fact, it occur. And, we are GONNA. Let the cat out of the bag about what's going on yet. We're mergen have town hall on August Eighth? Saturday August eighth at noon, eastern standard time it will be a sort of marketplace, a show and tell kind of Jim. What did you call it? I called the knife show and sale knife shown him, but show until sounds pretty good now. I Lake, show and sales. Sale is the that. We're going to keep this in so okay. Okay, it is a show and sale. This will be the knife townhall showing sale edition. Like I, said August eight Saturday noon Eastern. Eastern Standard Time. We will have knife. Makers coming on showing their wares. They will have twenty minutes or so twenty five minutes and have some time to talk answer. A few questions show a couple of new knives. It is not the blade show and and that's not what we're trying to do but it is an opportunity to meet some people. That's kind of what we're all about meeting meeting. The people who are making me. That you love and having an opportunity to to see some of their work clothes and. By frankly well, and you know that's that's what we had been talking about for several weeks. You know if blade show cancels. You've got. All the knife junkies had already planned going or had to go way back when it was originally scheduled, then decided not to go so. kind of that weekend was already. You know kind of set aside for being there or whatever all the knife makers. All the knife sellers on the manufacturers are already going to be there anyway. Exhibiting displaying now. They don't have that that sale space right. There are now no lot of them are doing their own virtual sales and those kind of things, but we wanted to provide a a free platform for knife makers to. To come on show off their wares. They're already going to have all this cool stuff. The show off blade show show it off on the knife. Junkies townhall knife, show and sale, and you know should be fun. Yeah, that's right, and and like you said Jim. A lot of makers are doing their own, so so We're not trying to replace. We're not trying to replace the Amer or do any of that. Great supplement to have a chance to not only as you said that the part about meeting the makers meeting the the the manufacturers, those kind of things yeah gives them a chance to show off their wares and put it out there for sale, but it's also that interaction getting to meet them as well as the folks joining in the chat and coming on online into the show maybe. Maybe asking a question of a maker that they've followed or new maker. They want to learn more about right or say. You are interested in that knife, but you're not exactly sure about it, so sir does this. Have this this and this Exactly? What kind of debate is it? Sell it to me. You know yeah, not not that you really have to work to sell it. Features and all those kind of things in India showed off right on camera, so it's Kinda next best thing to being there so You know if you're a of course, interested knives which Duh you wouldn't be here if you weren't I'd go ahead and put it on your calendar Saturday August eighth at noon. That's going to be on the night. Junkies Youtube Channel I as well as the FACEBOOK group than I've chunky dot com slash YouTube. The knife chunky dot com slash facebook. Facebook you can watch the show there and if you are a knife, maker or manufacturer, please contact bob shoot him an email. Bob At the night, Chunky DOT, com, or call the listener line at seven, two, four, four, six, six, four, four, eight, seven. Let him know your availability and go ahead and pick out a timeslot somewhere in that fifteen twenty minute time slot. We like to get three maybe floor. folks on per hour to show off their wares and talk about their company. Company and their knife making so Bob at the KNIFE JUNKIE DOT COM or seven, two, four, four, six, six, four, four, eight, seven, and go ahead and let him know your availability in Try to work out some scheduling time for Saturday. August eighth! You're listening to the knife Junkie podcast, and now here's the knife junkie with the knife life news all right back on the knife Junkie podcast midweek Supplemental Episode Number One thirty one kind of the middle of the show segment that. That we always do the knife life news segment where we dive deep into a couple of stories in the news and talk about this this past week on Thursday night nine. Bob and we'll try to pull up a picture. to have in the show notes Kaiser they had a design contest from fans and the designed day winner was was announced, and we showed that off visually from the knife news story, but the interesting concept from Kaiser, but also an interesting little. Knife, if you will yeah, it's something we talked about on this show. Several months back Kaiser started this contest for fans to design sort of pocket tool that fell within the to buy three inch sort of. Profile and so most assumed it would be a little pry bar, or or some sort of little pocket tool, non bladed, but a gentleman from California who is a designer who goes by Mr j? designed this very cool, a little to buy three inch. Folding knife and it looks kind of like a mix between a credit card and a dog tag it's it's more like a dog tag knife I guess, and he wanted to create a folding knife that could carry anywhere in the world, including the EU and New York City and Chicago and California, or he lives, and it looks like a little It fits in the in the footprint oven of an ipod. Not ipod those those little earbud cases air pods then. Okay, my wife has them. They're pretty cool. Cool, they would fall on my big ears, but so it fits in that little profile. Really you can take it anywhere. It has a blade, but it has no point. has a little bit of a tiny belly at the at the at the Ricoh so and it doesn't have a lock yet. They're going to work on. It. with Mr Jay Cutler Mr j GonNA figure out a little way to lock it open at probably just by tension like a slip, joint or something like that, but. It's really a neat little thing and I I I'm not one for pry bars I. I like easy stuff, but I'm not into lights or pry bars in that kind of thing. I just Kinda like knives so I was very happy to see that someone figured out to design a folding knife and fitted into that very restricted You know a stipulation. So. Is that something? Like I, know you carry a little tiny knife behind your ide- badge at work. They're just Kinda fits right there is this little something you would think about pocket or ID, badge, or on a keychain or yet I mean. For me, it would be on a key chain if it could stay locked. Shut or or or if it's thin enough and this thing you can't tell from this picture. It sorta earned two dimensional. Image but. It looks like it could fit in a wallet rather handily go. And last I, mean talk about last-ditch. Give me your wallet okay. I want to take your credit cards out for me. Okay, all right and then. going. Obviously this is not a it's got a tiny blade. This is not for that. But it's A. It's a cool solution to a problem that was leading a lot of people towards pry Bar, but we'll have a link to that story from our friends at knife news that you can check out this this little teeny blade and see what you think about the Kaiser Fan Design contest and the winner Mr j there. custom knife factory has a collaborative. Tashi Borussia whose horse. PODCAST before yes. Yes, indeed, he designed the coolest knives I mean man. What style to me blends all of these great things of a very artistic vision some something that's Erga, Nommik, but also is big and. Menacing and tactical. You Know He. He kind of covers all the bases. You could get a Tashi knife and. Hold it in your hand and use it in a number of different ways. I think it's all about how you look at it. You could. You could be all utility, or you could be all. Battle and for me. This new Tashi Brusca custom knife factory knife is is sort of that. It's A. Big four point zero two. It's a big four inch blade. It's a Harpoon Tanto, but all of those things are subdued Harpoon which I am not a big fan of the extra wedge. If you will I'm not a big fan of on most knives, but it is very understated on this knife, and it sort of perched above this really long bellied front section of the Tanto and then there's a The straight part of the Tanto is actually slightly curved, and then there's a handle that you've seen before i. mean you haven't seen it before, but it's so clearly, Tashi. Baru Chad's got the sort of pointy pommel and the dubber double finger toil upfront. One large toil that takes two fingers, and the beautiful contoured back so this knife you look at it. You know who made it, but it's May who designed it I should say, but it's made by custom knife factory, and you know they are known for their exquisitely. Put together knives. constructed knives. This thing you look at it Jim. You see all the different textures on it. So. This is all milled out of one solid piece of titanium. This is an integral and you look at it, and it's got not only a pretty elaborate shape I'm talking about the handle right now. But it also has to patches of really finely milled erling of of different. Gauges for. And then all of this into one slab, it's amazing to me. So this is testimony to to custom knife factories ability to put a complex designed together, but I'm sorry to interrupt when you say integral. That's that's what that means. It's all one one piece. Yeah, instead of having to handles, handle slabs and connecting them with backspace or barrel. Spicer's the pivot that whole handle is just milled out of one solid piece, so it takes a lot more machine time. It takes a lot more complex design in terms of getting the pivot in there and and. All of that I I'm not gonNA. Pretend to know all the INS and outs of it, but it's a lot more time on a mill. It's a lot more time programming, and it's a lot more material. I don't want to say wasted, but left on the floor. Right exactly. Question Harpoon. You mentioned Harpoon. Tanto or something about Harpoon so the Harpoon is the you see the portion on the top that dips down where you might stick your thumb. On the top of the blade in the middle, so that arise, there is a Harpoon sched- and it's very subtle on this knife, and that's why I like it. Other examples of for more extreme examples of a heart Harpoon Tanto for instance look look at a hinderer eclipse, or some hinder knives that have Harpoon they're very distinct sort of dorsal fins, if not dorsal Vince, what's the fin on top the top fan? Yeah, yeah, the Dorsal Fin. Start. Dir, they're like Dorsal. Fins on the back of a knife like Shark Fin, and this is very subtle here I like it that way. And then you see the, Tanto. It's that there's a there's a very large belly in the front. But it does come to a little point. They're young young cut day, and then there's a an. Someone correct my pronunciation and then you. Re Curve there. The other beautiful thing about this is it has a it's a flipper, but when it's open, there's no flipper tab hanging down. It's just a very subtle grade in the handle and the blade. Tang, that allows you to flip it Coo Muslim. So we'll have a link to that story of course as well as if I can remember a linked to Tashi podcast appearance with Bob on the knife, Chunky pint casio will. We'll get to that and now that we're caught up with a knife life news. Let's hear more of the knife Junkie podcast back on the Knife Junkie podcast episode, number, one, hundred, thirty, one our mid week, supplemental I think this might be bombs favourite part of the show where you talk about his knives, but we try to do that in a way that you can learn something and that we can all have a conversation if you will hear about the knives and we're. GonNa talk about the savvy dogma. Were also GonNa talk about the Super Cq. See Fifteen and Bob's pay it forward event as well as still recuperating from the axe knife throwing target building. This past weekend, but let's start with this Aviva Dogma. Bob that you got from the knife. Whisper new friend of the show I did indeed. I commented on his video of this Savvy Dogma. It's a you know it's in their usual recipe. It's. In jeetan and a very very thinly hollow ground. Beautifully made in all that but the looks of it really caught my eye. It's a clip point, but it's. A very edge sort of differently shaped clip point and It just strummed chord with me especially, because the handle itself sort of mocks. The way they the way they milled the pattern into the tenant sort of mocks traditional knife. There's a photo bolster, and then there's some some gang like in the side of a case knife or something like that and I'm a sucker for Jig Bone, so just sort of all came together. It on the video saying I love. That knife looks way cooler than the shredder. Even though obviously shares a lot of the same DNA, and he said Oh great, and he sent it to me. knife whisper a great guy. He's been coming on the show. Definitely. Check out his channel. He has some yes, some great videos, and some funny things to say I gotta say Darn Dot showed a commented on the video because I like looks. And it's blue you tend to. Be a blue. So yet. This knife compared the compared to the shredder. It just it just hits all the right marks I think the shredder You know I like big knives, but it's it's a little bit too big for. For the feel and you shrink it down to the size of the of the dogma, which is only a quarter inch shorter, so it's about It's got a three in three and a half inch blade I guess I don't know it. Just it just works. It just works way better in my hand, and you know I'm sort of torn about the shredder. It's a great knife and I feel like I should use it and obtain a better opinion about it, but I just kind of wanted to get rid of it for a while, and now that I have this dogma I will and Yeah, thank you so much knife. Whisper Joe Frazier. Really liked this knife and in reverse grip. Honey But we'll. I'll try to again as I'm doing. The show notes. Try to remember to put a link to the knife. Whispers Youtube Channel. If you're not yet subscribed, employees do so some good videos that he is turning out and just have to say not forgotten Jim, savvy and we are consistently man on point. This knife is pretty inexpensive I. think it's forty bucks or something like that and it's. It has a very premium feel and billions of it so gotta say all right. I feel sore for you, Bob, is you're? From this past weekend's axe knife, throwing target construction What what's what what was the progress can completed. So last week you may have remembered I was talking about I built the target itself out of two by fours and two by sixes. Four by four, and it's a way heavier than I planned for so I have it sort of in place, but the idea was to hang it from a polo bar that I was going to be putting up in the yard, so the hanging part is going to be difficult because the the. Target itself weighs a ton, but maybe that's you have to do a bunch of pull ups to get your strength so that put the bar of the target up there. Yeah, I'm I'm thinking of police, you know. I think I think that's how they built the pyramids, but anyway so the Polo bar had to go up, and so I dug the holes last week and our over the week I should say. Knowing that this weekend my buddy Kurt who was one of our earlier interviewees on this show. came over to help me put it up now. I was just thinking. You know he's big strong. I'm just going to get you know extra pair hands because I can't do this on my own and. He came over in. Incidentally. He's done this before, and I didn't know that and I was going about it all wrong, Jim I was very lucky that I invited him over to help me. The accepted. Because I could have done it and I would have finished it, but it would have been terrible and probably wouldn't have worked, and probably would have fallen over with me on it, so We spent a good. Long Day put that in and got it. You know it's in the ground it's it's super strong and I'm excited I'm going to start doing some. Pull ups I. You know I haven't done those in a while and hopefully figure out a way to hang the target. So that, so technically the whole thing is complete. I just have to figure out how how to easily get that target up there, and on and off on and off you know said I can put it goes. One chatted up. There might not want to. Have to repeat it back up and that would be a great excuse not to do pull ups. It's like well. The targets right right, right? Well I don't know about. Our listeners but I would enjoy seeing a picture of the of the stuff, so if you give that to me, I'll put it in. The show notes I'm going to do it and I'm GONNA learn how to throw knives and axes, definitely like that is something now after I've done all this I I, I'd be really stupid not to follow through and actually learn how of, but but in doing this in digging, the holes man I I used to knives in ways that are GonNa make most people gasp. I used them as diggers. We're in a way. All right so so so two different knives I just want to talk about real quick used the first one. Is this three dollar bait knife that I got from Walmart? Because sometimes I go into Walmart and I'm like I am not leaving here without a blade. It doesn't matter what it is and I know it's so ridiculous up. It is ridiculous to myself now. I just went to the fishing. See what they have over in fishing. They had cheap bait knife. It looks like a kind of like a a knockoff Mara, and they had a thousand of them in a box. I grab one pay three bucks for it, and it's been my toolbox ever since and I just made a video of me cutting a whole bunch of cardboard with it and talking about it's a great cardboard cutter and I used it to cut the whole in the grass because I wanted to you re use that grass and I didn't WanNa. Cut The whole in used a pitchfork all the way around hold out like a perfect little plug. But using that night I would never use any other knife and just dig in the ground, because I'd be afraid of hitting a rock with us. What three dollars or four exactly so in in one of the holes? There is a big route so I do I reach for the Condor Hudson. Bay Knife with incidentally or coincidentally my buddy. Kurt helped me put this whole thing up gave me years ago and I use that as an outdoor knife that Hudson Bay knife from condor is awesome. It's such a cool knife. The Hudson Bay pattern was A. A sort of Bowie esque all things knife for for trappers in the West in the northwest in Canada. It looks like a giant Boeing is kitchen knife and they used it for everything from camp, chores to a trapping winning to fixing food and killing PEO- getting fights, and all that they use that for everything and I have used it for everything here at the house, and so I went night at I went for the I went for the route, Hudson Bay and didn't realize that there was a giant rock underneath it boon yeah. But it's ten ninety five steal. It didn't chip it. Just sort of you know. It rolled over pretty pretty girl. Yeah exactly why what are you doing to me? But, this is the nice that my mother a cleaned dirt, often asphalt ground with using the blade, and so so this blade has been through a lot anyway. Mom, I'm not calling you out I know you know how to use blade, but. That was appalling frankly. Now, please please cut out me calling my mom out. No I'm going. It has to say about it, okay. Mom. Call Bat better yet. MOM call the listener line at seven, two, four, four, six, six, four, four, eight, seven, and tell the story about Bob being appalling. There aren't any is. Not all right all right I've bloviating long enough about that before before we start to wrap him I just want to say that I'm very grateful to the gentleman who didn't want to be named who sent me this amazing Emerson Supersedes. Fifteen, it is incredible. He carried it without a clip in his front pocket. Never used it, and it shows it came to me brand, new seeming and He said you know it'd be cool if you paid it forward, so I am GonNa do that and this is not an announcement of the event. It's an announcement to tell you that I'm thinking about what the event will be, but I. Want People to know that I'm going to do that. And the more I say that the more keeps me honest, not not that I'm dishonest, but at the more keeps me on it. You know what I have an idea. What we could do what you could do once you decide about how you're going to pay it forward You know this gift that you got. You could do that on the knife townhall on August eighth. That's a good idea, and if you are you know I'm assuming you're going to pay it forward by giving away a knife, so you could do that knife giveaway on the knife. Town. Hall and then folks that are actually there live would have a chance to win. That's a great idea I love that I'm the man of the year. You know what I mean. This is how it works you're you're you're getting to see a? This is a look in this is. This is a Chinese lunch. On a on a pre pandemic Wednesday right that's that was our normal routine. We will do Chinese lunch every Wednesday and talk show and what we're GONNA. Do and all that kind of good stuff, so we have to do that virtually, but yeah I think that'd be a cool idea and he. You would have to be on watching live. To be able to to win whatever you're gonNA give away. We'll just have to figure out how to how to do that. Yeah, thank. There's a a youtube comment picker. The maybe we try to try to use all right well well, everybody you know that we will have more conversations like this the next couple of weeks we'll figure this all out and so definitely. Stay tuned. There will be a pay it forward, and now now that we're going into it and making it. Interesting cool. It's going to be. It's definitely going to be a good. Prize. Not Prized, but you know uh giveaway. Four? Yeah, and you know again. The gentlemen and we certainly do and I know you appreciate his generosity, and giving you the Super Cq fifteen, but as you said he did not want to get any acknowledged a recognition from it, but you know on behalf of Bob you know certainly Just say thank you, thank you. Thank you and Bob will be paying it forward with the knife giveaway of his own to kind of keep the the knife generosity going in the ninth yeah. It really is amazing Bob the the generosity among the knife community. Giving folks knives sending knives to review the knives. You've gotten from Dirk just. Tremendously valuable expensive knives. Yes, sure I'll send them to you. Look resume sending back whenever I mean yet you know what that that makes me think like the most important thing in any economy or society is trust because without trust. Oh my gosh, imagine the chaos, so this is a real distillation of that in it's it's cool to see and I am definitely now a beneficiary beneficiary of that and I'm I'm very grateful. That was one of the goals you know when we started this I, want more exposure to great knives and great nice people. You know that that has happened well in If you want to, of course, have some exposure to the knife community getting contact with Bob at Baba the night. Chunky, DOT, com, or shoot or Cinema voicemail at seven, two, four, four, six, six, four, four, eight, seven about the knife townhall, the knife, shower and sale that's going to be on Saturday August eighth at noon after a knife maker manufacturer hidden contact with Bob and reserve, your fifteen minutes twenty minute time period on that Saturday come on in show off your wares, and all that kind of good stuff, and of course don't forget to join us tomorrow night for another edition of Thursday. Night knives our live video that you can find on the facebook page chat than. Than I've junkie dot com slash facebook as well as the knife junkies. Youtube Channel Than I'VE JUNKIE DOT com slash youtube and this coming Sunday Bob our interview show another great podcast interviewing Jay Schwartz. That's coming up Sunday the AD TJ Schwartz He is designer of many great knives that you know of the areas, the native, the perpetual the CALICO It was a real pleasure talking with him. He's He's an interesting, young guy, very accomplished and a great mind for this stuff there and talk about just making me feel worthless. Guy Is done all this. Great Okay. We've all had our own lives. But that'll be coming up this Sunday. That'll be episode number one hundred, thirty, two of the. Knife Jackie podcast, and you'll find that on the knife. Junkies website of the KNIFE JUNKIE DOT COM as well as a in a your favorite podcast APPs as well as on Youtube where we post the podcast. So Baba final word. Have you talked enough? Don't have anything else to say. You're just wrap it up with as we of conclude this episode I would say. Don't take doll for an answer, but that that would be like me throwing a tagline, so no I, Jim, I don't think I. Have Anything left to say. Okay. Haven't heard Rustic, we I'm. I'M GONNA. Make sure I record that. SNIP outs add. Maybe that'll be my ringtone for Bob. When every calls me, I don't have anything else to say. All right so for Mr Knife Junkie I'm Jim the knife newbie person thanking you for joining us on episode Number One, hundred, thirty, one of the Knife Jackie podcast thanks for listening to the Ninth Junkie podcast. If you enjoyed the show, please rate and review it. Review the PODCAST DOT COM for show notes for today's episode, additional resources and to listen to past episodes. visit our website the night junkie dot com. You can also watch our latest videos on Youtube the ninth. Ninth jokey dot com slash YouTube. Check out some great night photos on the night junkie dot com slash instagram and join our facebook group, but the knife junkie dot com slash facebook, and if you have a question or comment, email them to Bob at the night junkie dot. com or call our twenty four seven listener line at seven, two, four, four, six, six, four seven can, you may hear your comment or question answered on upcoming episode of the Knife Junkie podcast.

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The principles for living boldly Franziska Iseli

The Mojo Radio Show

1:19:54 hr | 1 year ago

The principles for living boldly Franziska Iseli

"The. Radio show we scare the planet to find the biggest names in health, creativity, wellness, strategy, brand, management, and more. This is going to be crazy. This Jason Overcome. Coach I. This is Cal Newport. Author of Deep Work Day. This is Brian that. Injury from the Canadian national. Women's Rugby Team Street in St Leger case. Radio. All? We asked him the big questions. MS degree question actually landed right on Mars. Talking to you, Turn on. A little bit more. Than that I had the I lake five hundred interviews. Nobody asked me about this Wow, sometimes, we talk about Darts Zero. Can I tell you Dana Gary. DOTS how athletic. Interesting at your favorite. Sport that I know are prerequisite a pint of beer and a cigarette. Come on, let's be honest. We don't take ourselves too seriously wrong half dozen. A. Welcome. To. Radio show. Hey everybody and welcome to the merger radio show welcome aboard the big. Red Bus is fueled up. It's being serviced. We've had a couple of with him. Everything seems to be pretty good at the moment if you knew the bus, what do we do here on this program? Well, it just tends that. We find a wide variety of people who are interesting in, and they put some point of view. They've got their merger working in some aspect of their life, and we have a business and creativity. We KALPA performance product whole bunch of stuff, and if they've got the merger working than we want to know what they've done to get it. And how do we get some debt this week? We're heading to courage. Town June north to discover the courage map, the thirteen principles living baldly, but more on that soon. Thank you and a big hello to patrons, supporters who are in the VIP seats on the bus just push Ip's cans out of the way. Without your help. It's fair to say the bus would literally have no gas, so thank you to patriotic people for indebted to your support weakened weak out good on this The crews onboard the Bussey geared you know where the new electric start a button is. Don't know where the new. Electric Starter, but is you know what we also need to discuss? We need to get a bit more grain. We need to start using bio, oil or something like that in his boss rather than the diesel. What was that green? The Cure when I was trying to mommy parents had finished dinner. I could even can even smell. The disgusting stuff robos remarkable facts. Let's. I got to be excited this week, we did a great interview with Gentlemen Co Bob Berg. Last week which we will be playing next week if I'm not mistaken leader of the Shiduan Sid. It's it's. It's a movie face. I got a little bit excited and and went onto bulbs, website and then. ended up digging a bit deeper into sales and thought they might be remarkable fact here so does the name Joseph Samuel Giradi. Mean anything to you now nothing. Well he's the Guinness. World record holder facility the highest amount of causing one year one, thousand, four, hundred and twenty five cars back in nineteen seventy-three. But that's not the only remarkable thing about this chap. Just listen to story. He was a high school dropout and started working as a shoeshine boy, then worked as a newsboy, a dishwasher delivery, boy, a stove assembly and a home building contractor, then at the age of thirty five, and in his words, purely on a whim he walked into a Detroit car dealership and begged the sales manager for a job after bit of talking, he scored the GIG and sold a car and his first day, and by the end of the second month was doing so well. Some of the other part salesman complained and got him fired. He's next job was at a Chevrolet dealership in Michigan where he said th consecutive sales records over fifteen year period, and sold a whopping thirteen thousand and one 'cause in that time, a fate that didn't go on on notice so much so that in two thousand one he was inducted into the United States Automotive Hall of Fame Joel, so wrote five books on sales, and did the speaking circuit for years in factual. Still find how to sell anything to anybody. Anybody how to sell yourself how to close every sale mastering your white to the top and Jogi Adis, thirteen essential rules of selling on the shelves of your local bookstore. If you're interested, not a bad boys I, wonder shave looked offering with a few new cars at the end of his career done I. Don't know, but I'm just wondering if he was setting the books or did they sell? ooh, there's a good Christian to be interesting if the books. Are Amendment back in twenty years ago, I read a book called customers Fa Life By. Soule. and. He was in the Guinness Book of Records and he was a Chevy Kaas Ausman. and. To this day. I still reference him so anybody I work with one to one I referenced him. And it's something that even Stephen. Today Jordan, Hobby is one of the best podcasts in the world. In his six minute networking system, which is completely free through Jordan Hoffman Dot Com. It's really interesting. Refer back to something I. Read Twenty years ago and it may be something Joe does, but also always said that. If you sell one car today, you're essentially selling ten cows because you buy one for yourself. Then you buy one few wife they wanted to be. Kids comes for you by caffey kid. Then you upgrade your car. The just second kid comes from you. Buy Them A car. Then you grade, your wife, sky we. So essentially, one style is Manley could lead to ten styles, and his principal was every hundred days. Being contact with your best customers. Now back in the day he would do. Send a gift or send a letter or cod or a phone, call or referred. This is back in the day. Twenty od's ago. We didn't have a digital world. And today Jordan has a version of that which I have now done his course and are adopting which is just so fulfilling. It's interesting. No, the car salesman with asylum of on ten fifteen twenty thousand dollars, American would be in the Guinness Book of record. And Not for selling widgets I find that really interesting, but that hundred days any longer than hundred days. It's too long any sort one hundred days. It's too soon. There's a sweet spot in there, but hundred is so Arkan judge variety. In Council is worth investigating for anybody who's in siles and where all in soils the MOJO radio show. Guest this week. Is Francisco is silly now Francesca, is fascinating described as a maverick entrepreneur. A leading marketing and brand strategist Francesca has built a reputation basically on people say she has this rebellious nature and desire to want to do things differently an total. As you'll hear it. No challenge seems too big for Francesca who, in two thousand and thirteen was actually awarded the young entrepreneur of the year based on her innovation. Creativity ends the Amanda Philanthropic work she does. She sits on the panel. The judging panel full at singularity. University at any. Those have been on the bus with us for quite a while will remember Kyla cullman cracking show. He runs singularity university in the Pacific area episode one forty six from memory. and is run thing at the United Nations to address the United Nations Sustainable Development Goals Through Entrepreneur Ism. Francesca semi copy her book called. The carriage met the thirty principles for living baldly and said. Would it be okay if I came on for a chat? I said sure the book was interesting. He she is Francesca. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much. Thanks for having. When people meet you for the first time, and they ask you what you do. How do you like to reply? That's an interesting question. Well. If it's the question of do what do I. DO I run a few businesses? That's probably how would respond to doing. He sits interested because you do a wide variety of things. We're GONNA. Talk about the book today. And maybe some of the other ventures you're into. The book. It's called the carriage map, thirty and principles for living baldly. What I'm curious about. Is You stop? The book with a letter addressed to carriage. Why would you do that? What was the thinking you know? I just felt like I wanted to. I started to book an ended the book in do away. So I started the book with a letter to courage. Because I wanted to invite courage to come play, and then I finished the book with a letter from courage to be honest. My publisher said it's a little bit cheesy. has probably a little bit cheesy. But I just he'd. I like it I like a little bit of cheese and so went with it, and also I started the book with the end, so this adapter, which is called the. There's a chapter called the beginning. Just I handed clever and maybe a little bit cheesy. If if courage Robak to because at the end of the book, there is a letter by szekely of courage, replying to you, but if once you write a book and you're doing interviews. You're decompressing in your mind what you wrote to hearing feedback from people people telling you their stories qualify. Has Different thoughts, and it starts to frame things in a different way. If courage was to write back to you today. What do you think it would say differently looking over what I wrote there at the end of the book I? Still now I started the book two years ago. It took two years to complete the project and I still feel like. Courage scourges writing to me right now, would still. Tell me that. She is or he is a skilled that we have that I. Have you have Iran has made that? It's something that we can all tap into at because it's a skill. That, we can practice. If, we choose to practice courage in. That's what I would. Assume she or he would set. Tell me in that letter to remember that I'm skill in here, and you can have me if he bought. It seemed would seem for daunting for people, isn't it? Because carriage really is a word that is used in lots of different species business, the military that there's somebody today who needs to face the carriage of surgery or Jesse get through some sort of health cross family across suspended presents. It's facing. Lots of different ways and people saying Oh hearing. It's a skill to be learned would seem quite daunting for a lot of us why what gives you the reason to believe that that's true? Yeah, you're right. And I think courage is often also misunderstood and I think many of these injuries and often. People say what's the most courageous thing you've ever done? Jumped off a roof somewhere heavy surface I'm really huge waves and. My definition of courage is that it's. Not about being fearless. It's about taking action despite the fear and it comes in different flavors. So way for the question. You know it's. It's just an for a lot of people. We he these things Francesca and To he the carriages, a skill to be learned for many would seem very daunting. And I would say a I'm not that person and I'm just I, guess having written the book now and it took you while to ride it. In talking to a lot of people, it's just what gives you the belief that that's true that it is a skill that can be learned. Yes, yes! Saw I have. Seen, observed spoken to a lot of people that in my eyes are in a not eyes are perceived as being courageous in terms of holiday make decisions on how they live their lives, even just living a life that is rich and following the truce is courageous. The one commonality that I have found is that. Yes we may be. Not Maybe tally board, but we may grow up in a certain way with parents that aren't in a certain way that is either go to help us to be more courageous or not. However, Devante have noticed with everyone that is. that. They have made courage a choice. At this one of the things that I talk about. Is this this? Ability to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. which is one of the ways to help us to be more courageous? Because often when we are asked to make courageous decision, which could be a difficult decision, could be to change career to leave a pot and she works whatever it is. We go through this period of uncomfortable ness. So about being okay, we'd uncomfortable. Which is? Seen as a commonality of people that are. Living in a way that is pretty courageous too many of us do you think misunderstands the word courage to think? We have indisposed simplistic form. Do you think we have the wrong view of it? Yeah I do think that there is a little bit of A. Misconceptions Job Times where we think that courage means doing crazy things and I have this sort of differentiation between recklessness and correct, so recklessness is or or even bravery, courage and recklessness. Aranka snus is Saturday when we do something that. Is Courageous but. We? Don't really figure out what the consequences could be so that would be for example. I'm somewhere in Hawaii get invited to jump off the cliff into the ocean and. Nobody has started before. We don't know how deep the water's. That's reckless if I do without checking the wooded first. Courage is different coaches are even you know being a brace? Is I go up there at uneducated people have golden before we know that. I will definitely survive this jump, but I'm standing up David. My heart racing my mind going crazy telling. Probably a bit of fear going. This is really scary. Maybe get hurt a little bit and chopping despite the fear because I know that I will survive this trump. And then bravery is sometimes even. To standing up for. Yourself or others? He sees sometimes even kids at I really. Adore and laughing I see. Kids for example on the playground and then. Monkeys may be a little bit not nice to another kid. Then maybe his best friend comes as hey. You know depth stand up for difference and that's break. is so you standing that cliff face? Say you're about to walk into a boardroom to do a presentation. BAPS you've got to have a difficult conversation. Perhaps you've got to have a conversation with yourself. That needs a certain degree of carriage. Is there a trigger? That you personally call upon sometimes when you know, you need to be courageous. And have the courage to step into something. Is there a trigger us in a situation where you know you go today to be courageous? I do and I think triggers are amazing I. Getting one can use whatever trigger works for them might trigger is. An I, do this alone I I mean right now, not speaking at events because we do that, but when I speak in front of a large audience or maybe a little bit, often intimidating audience. And I can feel my heart race. So what I sent us to stand with both of my feet, planet, or even if I'm on the cliff. Cliff chumps in how that differently go my heart racing, so I just sat there with both of my feet. Planted and I put my hand on my heart, and I closed my eyes and I just. Decides maybe a little bit Hippie, but I just feel this roundedness through my feet and do this for one or two minutes and then. I consciously brace down into my belly and it just. cobs minor Breezing, a drop inside the dropping to the present moment, and wanting that I have found. Through the research is that. In the present moment that is no fear when we are completely present. That is no fear. We feel the fear when we think about past experience or future. Possible outcomes so that one anchor or trigger to stat they're focusing on my praising my heart with my feet planted on the on the ground is useful for me. Book talks about carriage, helping people true to them selves Francisco. was there a period way you weren't? True to yourself was there appeared. You can remember where you were not being true to your own individual self. Yeah. That is a great question. and. I didn't notice it at the time. It's retrospective now. About. Fourteen fifteen years ago when I moved to Australia from San started working in appetizing in advertising APP -tising industry, doing strategy and. For the first time in my life I didn't feel completely unhappy Subsidies a bit of an I sold. You know what it's probably because moved away from home to turn. On Saturday in a committed relationship with someone, and they may be old stuff. It's maybe a bit too much and now and. It that I felt to be an offer maybe a year at. Now looking back I realized that I wasn't. Being true to myself because. I accepted a position. Any wasn't a position. I just accepted a position in a in an advertising agency. Because, he was quite irresistible the offer, but it wasn't. Following my truce, I felt quite out of integrity with the work that I was doing for the companies that I was working with, so that was. Interesting! How suddenly my whole being feels like something a little bit wrong here. And it didn't stop I left. The leave career and start my own business. What's interesting that that statement Are you owning your truth? That's something that I'm hearing particularly a lot of ladies in business that particular term I'm hearing. A lot of girls talk about that term. How. How do you know if you are owning your truth? Santa Greg Question, and you're so right it is. It is a term that we offered maybe even throw around. Even though it seems so. Simple, it's. It's quite deep. Owning and I think especially for women ambitions at often. Women Sink that they have to act. Behave or make decisions in a certain way. and. You know that you are owning new truce to answer your question. If, he are making decisions and acting based on your own batteries. Not Because you care about what someone else is saying or doing, you're making decisions. In alignment with you, no matter. If someone else is going to criticize you. You don't. Live. Your life according to someone else's expectations. You live your life. To your own expectations, I think is such an interesting point you in the book. The book goes down this path little bit. And one of the things I I hear a lot on c. a lot. That you mentioned in the book. We're sort of bookings. That answer is that. If you living in your truth, you know that when you don't need to seek outside validation and it just seems like a lot of people today particularly on the socials. Either A. Either a podcast, or in what they post or what they rice for what they put on link Dean is people are doing it all to seek validation. and. They used the term owning your truth. It's almost contrarian. It's almost hey, you should do it I'm not, but you should do it and he's what it's all about. This seeking validation I. Think is a bit of a rabbit hole on my. It is very hypocritical, too, and it any case a fine line because you know, somebody might be talking about owning juice. and. Coming from. They usually do comfortable place. But then I guess the the double edged sword is when you do it. You posted by that specific topic or anything. Any do it because you want to. You know it's about. The, how many likes how many comments and how many new followers Daddy's obviously? A bit contradictory to own your truce. Because you choices, it doesn't matter, but anyone else thinks are how many likes to get or if you get? People don't like what he say, but I guess that's on with social media. That is a little bit of a rabbit home. And also a little bit of a danger that a lot of people it's almost like an addiction. I spoke to someone for the book today. Just talking courage, and she said she said. An influencer in Italy, and she said she had almost diluted of addiction for awhile where she would share some on social media and then every few minutes she had to go. Look, how many more lax how many? How many more lax! She had two break cycle because it was so. Successful live almost every time. We, with brought in the book. The book was about your journey the motorbike trip. you'll Korea. The research you've done on courage when you think back Francisca, how has carriage a lead you to stay true to yourself heritage I believe from? Quite. An early casts helped me to. Carve out. A poss- in Malaysia. That, Is, unique to me and One word that I learned when I moved in English I to. Sydney! That people would sometimes say to me that I'm irreverent and I. When I first heard that word had google it I'm like what's reverent, and then Google they'd at at Davos already had a small team at that time to Sony's multiple might be three or four people at Basic Madison. I googled the word and. The finished I go back. Wasn't that cool? Oh. It's almost like. I. Don't remember word by definition was almost like I don't really give one about. Until I. Like. Team is am I am I. Feel like I'm not I. DON'T CARE! And Not said the English, speaking people in my team. There were some euro student I. It's a good thing in the sense of how you live. So I think courage has always allowed me to. Do things my way, and that's also. I guess why. A of sort of ended up where I am now where I have complete independence and it's probably courage has enabled me to. Leave one of my eyes Melis which is freedom to? Do things the way that I believe. Is True and you know. One of the people that that I have always admired from the beginning of of running my business. I started my resent. No idea what I was doing came from appetizing. About business at all. And so I read Richard Branson spoke. Losing my virginity that was about eleven years ago, and that guided me and I realized that he is somebody who is. Driven by courage in a way that is maybe seen as a bit irreverent, but he's somebody who is. Running his business in the way that he knows is true for him, and that's how I've tried to to live and work. It's interesting. In the book. If I take you back to your childhood. In the book. You said there was a moment with your mom. Will your mom asks you to do something or told you to do something? And you stopped and confronted your mom and said. Do you have a reason? And that seems to be a pretty pivotal moment and I guess. We, you always this irreverent, this reverend mindset half back your member. It is at moments like that. Reinforce that irreverence for you. because. It just seems like you are somebody who these their freedom. Who likes do their own thing. Describe how you will. have an impact amendments like that. Do you think play on the character or identity? Carry today. Yeah, it's a great question. I think it's ghosts. Moments in childhood Dr are huge and I think it was. There was at one time my mother told me about the netted. Research deposit she said. There was one time where I was. In primary schools to be maybe seven or eight, and I came home from school, and can go play with my strength at my friend's house, and she sent note because she was in a grumpy mood according to her setting up ECON. Go and. And I just stood there, and I said Okay D- The avenue reasons why Cocco. And she's. Just like. Now. 'cause I'm grumpy. And, so she she had a lot of epiphanies. I think before that all throughout total probably. One! Pivotal moments that have shaped my life are probably a little bit more in countries with my dad and my brother, because my brother and I are quite different two years older. My Dad and I were similar. I believe my dad was quite irreverent to, and he was a liberal, her rebel, my brother and my member. Safe site so what that meant as a kid and I remember moments especially. When we were traveling or going somewhere by brother, who was two years old, he would always push me to go. Ask for something you would always say and he he how to play me very smart. He would go. Hey, wouldn't an ice cream? I seem nice. And I'm like Oh my God ice cream, assume yes, great idea. Yeah, maybe do you want us to go? Ask and again I go, so you would always. He would always use me almost to get stuff and it worked in. You have to do it and I also lost it because I was a little sister hand aloft to be the little brave sister for my brother, who was not shyer. Than I was so I. I think that had a lot to do with. How I operate in today's world. So thank you to my brother. Well speaking of your brother and your dad, there's a piece in the book and I'll read from it. It said I was sitting on the floor. Eating scrambled eggs on toast after long surf when my phone rang. I heard my brother's voice. That phone call change the way I looked at live forever. After that Cole had, did you? Yeah I think. That call somebody brother. This was eleven. Years Rather had to I was here in Sydney. I had to. Pull rather had to call me to tell me that our data who was fifty identity? Time had passed away from a heart attack and That Kohl really just I feel like I go to. Almost like a ticking bomb on there. My chops because I suddenly I've always lived my life. All out, but that just almost almost went nuts for a minute where I. That happened I couldn't believe it was at first because my dad was pretty elsie before then he was out of the blue. and. I had this question in my mind where I asked myself if I was to die, right now would be happy with what I'm doing. Because it's quite I became very aware of my own mortality before I was quite invincible and then realized actually. I could die. Out of the blue who knows and so without sounding too Morbid and That question has been driving me so hard i. that's was the moment I left my career in advertising, starting my own business and I still often now. Last night for example had. With my partner and then. We had chuckled Chris, and he said he was going to eat that for breakfast. And I said, and this may be all bit Dr An said, but what if you don wakeup? You, you'd never know. Why why wait it out and this is sort of. A flavor of how I like to? I would like to leave given that I have to experience where this could finish any moment. I don't think he bill by a could. So I want to leave all out and if I feel like chocolate croissants after jitter or ten chuck Lacrosse Why one I do it. I need to. Does that attitude I pay tixx towards a glass of red. Yeah. I can connect it that. It's it's. It's interesting when you're writing a book Francesca quite often. Whilst. You're rotting writing for the reader UA doing a deep dive on yourself. And during the during the writing of this book you talked about you having this pie special attention to your own thoughts and dissect your own behaviors. In order to share lessons with the Rita. And one thing that she said he kept asking yourself was. Do I have daddy issues because I never heard my dad say I, love you. And the reason that resonated with as we had a navy seal, Andrew, poll who came back from service as a seal, hit a pretty dark place. And his now pulled himself out of it, and he had two boys to support at the time. It was an incredible story, and I said to him. What's the most important thing we can say to our children? And he said a love. You and I'm proud of you. For you to question. That whole thing about you can't recall your daddy ever sang a love you. Eleven years later ahead. He process that. How does that affect you? What what what happens to you when you think about that? Yes, and I have sought about this so much and then. I came to some conclusions, and then sadly through as Radical, It's almost like processing stuff. It's almost like therapy sometimes and. Actually just recently I had this epiphany that was. It was so interesting, because yes, so my dad was Lee also Swiss. Culture is a little bit like an. We don't often I. think a lot of kids grow up, not maybe. I love you too much from from their parents and my dad was not very affectionate and I. Don't ever remember him saying it to me or my mom or my brother so i. don't take it to the personally about. Of course it has some still does something in you, so the other day I was sitting down here on the beach on. My place and I suddenly realized how. I. Have, challenges with. When it comes to to do that. Are Any man I never ever ever want to feel like I need to rely on them. The, if if I feel like need to rely on someone, especially men if I can't work or something that I need to rely on them I. Don't like it at all. And when I had this Vinnie I went back Oh. Of course, it's because I think that guy's not reliable. It's not really trust zing. It's just. I think deep down I saw that guy's donald reliable so i. don't ever want to rely on guys. I want to have my own show I need to make sure that I have my own income streams that run our own business. I don't want to rely on anyone ever. And at first. I was a little bit upset about this. Like it's just a bit sad. That I feel this life and then, and then through another conversation on a podcast with Donna my friends. She said I, told her said Hey, just had his ability and on the drew fish should be sad about it. And, then she said well. You can look at it this way. One of your highest values is freedom. And for you if you know that you are relying on someone. Financially emotionally any anything, then you don't feel free and I'm like Oh. Yeah, maybe that's a good explanation, so that's definitely a little bit of A. Saying from childhood, you'd be a daddy issue for those of us who are fortunate to have people around us? Who is still with us, and we care about if we go back to carriage Francisco if if you if you had the opportunity. What do you wish you had the courage to ask your Father Allender for me i? Don't know how much you have a question for him. But I think in the actually more me being. Grown up enough to tell him that I love him. I never told him that I love him. And you know what's funny is. Definitely will be more of a a statement in question and used the funny thing when he died. I I think I wasn't very good. Expressing laugh eater, and my brother being switched I don't think I've ever told him before. Then that I love him ever and he's never told me I don't even think till now is still has never told me. So when when that again, this is a bit Swiss for all the interesting people that are thinking won't. Is Not that uncommon so when my dad passed away, I would sometimes randomly usually after a few glasses of red wine, I would randomly text my brother. And say hey, I love and he would just not respond. He discovery be shellshocked like. Like the heck why she being emotional. I just started. Telling people that allow that are laughter more and I would tell him to sexy which I don't think I've ever done while they. Go. She said in the book. And we go onto the hat to get through this this sort of situation. And also have the courage to face fear, you said one strategy of discovered that stops fear from pulling me into an emotional prison is journaling. and. What's ironic about that? As we interviewed lying H, Lee Seven. Time World Surfing Legend, and now you'd love to surf you. Love the wives you love. The Wadi loved the beach in. It made me think that. I said to lane when you're about to go into the world champs you sitting on the beach. And allies, negative default voices. Come into your mind. What do you do? And she said I grabbed my journal and write down. Oleg voices so I can see them an address them. And yet, it's funny that you've got a lot of similarities in your love of the beach and waves bit. That term emotional prison is really pamphlets gold had. Do you actually use your journal? And and Alaw landline is a friend of mine and she's a beautiful human. Elected. She shared her strategy to and the funniest thing that I found with my journalists that. I really mainly. Use It when I'm going through? Some challenges are when I need to make a tough decision so. When about two years ago when I was married for almost ten years and Again, it was a difficult period at the end Brajesh wasn't completed shore. What did I do with? This relationship was amazing. my Ex husband is an amazing human, but I was just confronted with. Do I. Want to continue this for another. Not Twenty thirty years or do. We need to change something, so it was. A very difficult feared where I wasn't sure I was just confused and I would. Up Again. By but I would. Go to bed would go. Dad had come on. Give me something, and then he will give me nothing like come on that. Where are you give me some? Give me a symbol. What should I do year? And then I would wake up with Noland so I would then turn to journal and I. Amendment was a period of of my life two or so years ago. When were journal? Every day I will get up just right. Just random staff haven't been back, but I was just stuff like hey. I'm confused for the do and then by. Than was to actually just do this for a few weeks until have more clarity at go back through my soul and see if there are any. Any Drake's in myself which I have done I just by decision. But by by journaling, and then in in times where I don't have any huge decisions I just journal works in Right now have to journal next meteorologist I doodle MC joins. I. Write a summary of the day what we learned today. At two different ways of using it sometimes. By Ninety to be righteous about times or even a decision and business that I need to make myself I before I ask someone. I turned to my journal and actress. Right is whatever comes to my mind. He's guess in recent times. Pep since you've finished the book. Are there any audiology. About courage. Have Changed in your mind, not really I think just the cloud that I have gotten more on which has come through conversations is. that. There are so many different flavors of courage. At there are so many different nuances, and what is courage for? Someone might be nothing for someone else, and it's all about discrediting. It's about. Each person finding. them. That is courageous right now and sometimes as he said before just having a conversation with someone. Is a courageous act for someone else might not be. Even for for me, sending my brother, a message to that is it's a little bit courageous for me for someone else. He's like what it. Is Easy. So I think characters, Thomson Dietrich flavors and it's. It's non expanded in the other. It's exactly what's working for the person that is being righteous. A. Gold I think that framing of nuances and degrees of courage because quite often we hear and see stories, of great, carriage. Of people who do newsworthy things which require courage, but to notes, little nuances of sending texts having that conversation. Oh, saying something. I think that's really a part of this for me, goes back to your book. Try and put these things to get fuel view. You sit in the book that say you're facing that nuance degrees of courage and I'm at that moment and I'm going to have bat to have that. Conversation I'm about to jump from the cliff. On the BAT TO SIGN UP FOR A to learn a new language risk as me. And you said let's look at fear as a character, so we can understand her. Better imagine fear as a freaky looking alien. When you look at her from afar, she's intimidating, but the more you become familiar with her, the less frightening she will seem. Visualizing FIA as a character is that something that you use on a regular basis Franceschi? Said something that is in your toolbox that you suggest to people at that moment where they feel, they need courage. To visualize something, someone, some eat apparently to visualize her so much or him, but the one thing that I do use that. I find might be helpful for other suicide to make fear your alley not. Not Saying that fear is against, but understand that fear is with you because fear is. An emotional, a human emotion that is here to protect us the purpose of fears to protect us, and that is why, in the human body in a lot of animals, also when we feel fear, we either fight, flight or freeze and It's about understanding that fear is always here to to protect us in some way. And sometimes we don't need to be protected. That's why some of these just about on the setting. Hey, I see that you here, thank you so much. You know whether it's an alien or Whatever form we give fear. Hey, thanks, you be I feel you know you're trying to protect me. I'm about to take the stage here and I'm nervous. You're one. Protect me because you don't want me to be embarrassed. Embarrassing Myself in front of an audience, so yeah, okay I got it. Thank you so much. Move Away. It's. It's about not. Suppressing fear but I'm that. Hey, she or here is here to to protect us from walking across the road when there's traffic coming for example from jumping off a cliff without knowing how deep the water's. Rosie was story that We had a guest. Patry King, the beautiful portray king and. An incredible interview with her and she told the story of the Buddha. And the Buddha would look at Mara. Mara was the. Adversity in the evil, and all the temptations to do the wrong thing. The Buddha would marin say Mara I. See you come. Sit with me. Let's have tea and invite Mara that all at FIA. To sit in t kind of the same sort of stories sort of being able to recognize at that moment that fear is there, and it's going to require courage. And embracing it, it's it's the same principle, isn't it? Yes, I love that sorry I've never heard that story. An absolutely love it and I think this applies to most things in like it's. It's not because we all have the light in the dark, and it's not so much about pushing away the dark or the past. If we had some posse spaces that were not amazing, but it's about. Making friends with them. It's about making peace with them. That's in that story that That's what would that day is not. He's not making enemies. Okay, let's you know. Let's face each other and be friends. No matter if a shade of star or a few sheds starkness in speaking of stories that there is a section book talks about stories in the book you talk about how stories can, the would quash courage. and lead us to living fear. Did that happen to you frisky. Did you have a story? That you're telling yourself? That was question your courage in encouraging you to live in fear when I studied this. I ask myself both stories too I have that. Were holding me back and. What I have found, and I don't know again this might be. Some child conditioning what I found this. I've been fortunate. Enough to if most. Experiences that were not amazing in my past. Twists or story plots that were helping me that that were fuelling me instead of of holding me back and. That's the thing with stories I think. We, all have. Some degrees of of experiences that some are not very amazing and. Some can be very traumatic and. We, have a choice to create a meaning. When? Something happens to us. And some are of course a lot harder to rewire because they're so deep in there. There's some dramatic. We have a choice to make meaning from each story. And I found that. For some reason, unconsciously Dan now consciously back then constantly manage to drake meetings from stories that were. Helping me. And I definitely remember a few expenses with my dad that we're not amazing and. For some reason manage to change, t stories into. believes. That are helping me out. That were helping me back then and are helping still now very conscious of time together to something which. Is Ironic I. Guess what I found in the book. That is leading up to a guest. WHO's coming up on our show? Is You wrote a Bat? What if there was only perfectly imperfect? And I think one of the most beautiful books I've read. In the last three to five years was a book by Beth, Kempton, who's going to be a guest in a couple of weeks time? She wrote a book called Wabi Sabi. And Wabi Sabi is about being perfectly imperfect Wabi Sabi Japanese term although it's hard to define. People know what's Wabi Sabi? They find it hard to describe. Would it is but it's about simplicity over the passage of time. And it's one of those books by just kept the by the bed and had to be in the right mood, 'cause I poured over several bird, or she's beautifully written in a beautiful premise, but the whole and I found it ironic. That, we should be talking to you and then Beth. In a couple of weeks time, and you're both coming at perfectly imperfect from different points of view. And a wanted you to explain to me, the comment was embraced imperfection. And you will be courageous even when it's easy to check it out. Tell me your view of how we can use this perfectly imperfect. In the face of courage in the face of fear, dappled sounds amazing to are gonNA, check that out the the monarchy, mention and I do think that embracing imperfection or being carried infection is one of the biggest drivers to be courageous, and here's the reason why. Our society. We had a little bit of a chat before about how. We are a little bit obsessed with social media and striving for perfection. And what what is she doing? What is he doing day? Always perfect, but I'm pretty sure that behind the scenes things are obviously a little bit different, but because we have this. Comparison trap. Sometimes we fall into this. Obsession with perfection, and when we fall into obsession with perfection, we. Don't take action. Feel paralyzed. We get stock in a in a career against stuck in a relationship because. We can't move forward. We feel we feel like it needs to be perfect before I move, so embracing imperfection is amazing because. If we can accept that. Perfection exist in tiny moment so I call it monetary to section in the book. We! Can Take Action now and it's it's perfect. It's totally imperfect, but it's perfect. It's perfectly imperfect and even just. I often use it in business a lot. I often say hey right now with my team. This is good enough. Is Good enough until we find a better solution and I heard his intrigue, the Other Day was beautiful while swayed. Elizabeth Gill and She said sometimes she writes. Was Sometimes always writes books she she had a novel a few years ago, and she said one of the characters in that book was a bit lame, and she near. She said look I just. Couldn't flesh it out more, and I said does all that go right now publishes said, this is not good enough. You need to work on his character. She said it's all I got. The book polished Hervey views for Great. Most criticism was about this one character, and she said you know what I knew with. Get these reviews, but it was perfectly imperfect because right then when I wrote this book. That's all I had was perfectly perfect. If I wrote the book nine or ten years from now it will be better but right Dan Dan. Dan Danny was perfect and I think that's. What helps us to be courageous? That's what helped her. That that notion of its imperfectly perfect. It helped her to publish the same rather than sit on it for another ten years. Never publish it, which is of the most of us. Wisit on something because it's not perfect yet such as Just published go do it. Take Action and then fall over. Get up. And keep keep swimming. It's interesting because I think most people would describe. How show the majority show is being perfectly imperfect and I think motto is being embracing perfection. I think we're doing pretty good job, but after seven seasons. I think I pays caveat on that. He's motor would be just one more. Maybe just one more pop guard facility just to thought. Probably probably sky on the that'll be not ship by Friday. But however he's he's the challenge felicitous. I would love it would be. It would warm. My heart would warm the cockles of my heart. To See, somebody got archie it's. Doing Chiens, review and just write. This show is perfectly imperfect. If you too that the first person to do it, I will send them a merger show water ripe, we still. Have! The price covid. It is a collector's item is las when we have? Thanks to have merged girl Oxana Hollow Exxon. I would love to have somebody put up. This show is perfectly. Because it's true. Anyway. I'm conscious of your time just to finish this up. The book is called the carriage map thirteen principles living baldly. Which of the thirteen principles is the most misunderstood in your mind? All the questions you know what I think that. The principle of non attachment. Detachment! Can Be very misunderstood. It's also one of the hardest ones and the reason why so none of catchment means that we are able to detach from certain outcomes from concessions and. The reason why it's misunderstood is because most people think that. Oh, so I can't do anything. Account. I can't live in a fancy beach drive fancy car on where my fancy clothes because I need to be not attached to these. No they actually quotes that I shared. By a guy called Ali something and he said that. Non Attachment is not that you shouldn't own anything. It's that nothing should own you. Very big difference. And especially right now in times of uncertainties. This principle is incredibly powerful, because if we can practice on attachment, especially to outcomes are able to be way more fluid in the way that we adjust white relief work, and so I think that principle is is the most under misunderstood and one of the most are who wants. LUSTING for hinge rubber. Few were always find it fascinating. Talking to authors have had a successful book. Up until recently at doing speaking Gig, she doing lots of interviews to lots of media. You've got your head in the book and then. As I said before. A lot of people want to share their stories and they WANNA. Give you their perspective. What happened to them and you become the sponge? If you were now to writes the book and write the next chapter and right the fourteenth principal with what you've learned. What would the next chapter be about what would be the fourteenth principles that come to mind since she finished book and you've had all this stuff thrown at you. Don't the first word that comes up and it's more a result of. Terry and what I've heard is. I think the next principal would be something around freedom. Around embracing. Treat them in and again. This is such a big concept. You word, but there are different flavors. Tweeden for different people, but that's what I'm. Getting thrown at more, Morris had talked people who have read the book is that. The. Element of freedom when they step into some of the principles on its staff last principal okay is. Gone To. It's funny now to wrap this up. Holes Kalaitzis notes, it's. It's funny when I like. When I speak to people, he'll putting rubber on the road. In that they've written about something and you've done the motorbike ride. You travel. You successful in business you giving back to society through the charitable work you do. But even down to I heard. You say that you live it narrowband, you live right across the road from the beach because you love to surf and you've built a lifestyle. In order to have your work as part of your law style as opposed to having to work and squeezing everything in on the side, you've actually built a lifestyle that includes work which may be in that come from the pandemic. More people may start to say was possible because there were forced to do it, and that's is pretty good. And I think it's what's interesting with that. Francis Cruise. The outcome of all that is freedom you start to take. You. Start to take control and you start to leave intentionally. And I really by what you've done because it seems like you are actually doing that, and you represent all these things we've talked about by having the Eh because it takes courage to do it, doesn't it takes courage to build a lifestyle? That incorporates all these things including work as opposed to just being about work. Yeah, very, Massa. It's such a great. Point in its very impressive almost at you have noticed that in the little time that we have spent together. When I started my very first business eleven years ago. I always said that. One of my most important things right now back then is that I have the freedom and flexibility to travel as much as I like. Because I want to feel tree and I want to feel like I can go visit my. In Switzerland whenever I want to, but I wasn't a job in advertising had four weeks of holidays. I don't want to spend them all each which. With, my family goes. It's exhausting so. I decided to build whatever I build. Around this concept of freedom annex never it's never stopped. That's all being the premise of my of my life and how I build businesses. Of course, it doesn't mean that have one hundred percent flexibility that our commitments especially now to be honest right now when the Democrat. I have never worked so heart at. It I mean I couldn't travel anywhere. Anybody would have be knows impossible to leave by teems and my business, and just go on the road again in by motorbike summer, because they needed me at needed to actually step dad and the go. Okay, sorry doing and I'm doing it and we're all doing it, so I definitely had. Six weeks of. Not that much freedom could just clock off, but it was also enjoyable because it felt like a start up a little bit. I've always had this. Notion of I need to feel trae at an eight to have flexibility to visit. My other. Cats. Roll those. Nine hundred. Nifty Nice time I warned you about this. Too quickly, do my my trigger policier and stand. You'll be right bright. I first answers that come into your mind lawless. Start the clock three words. You would use to describe yourself. Randall irreverent and. Graceful, what's the last brave thing that you did surfing? Out here and I've been. Too Big for me leads me to my next question. What's the best thing about living by the beach? God everything, the main thing is infinity. You look at it I'm looking at it right now. At the best thing about living by the beaches infinity, look at the horizon never gets boring only concedes infinity doesn't Stop Answer of course left Langen Something brave that you've always wanted to do, but haven't done so far. I still would love to NFL that brave in my eyes, but I still would love to finish my motorbike journey through South America, and then all around the world that only. Part of the World said to continue that journey, and what's the best thing about being onto whales? Their pitch ducks where? You made. The most random people on these journeys and you have these what I call moments of humanity, random random interactions with people north. If your house was burning down and your pets family, everyone else who is in the house was all safe. What three things would you take with you I? Am A little bit attached to my musical instruments, so I drably bearing Mike Guitar I would bring. Some of my crystal and By Journal Knauss, just I've got to ask the question. What what's the guitar? tailless and the big question since we're getting. Oh musical, you wake up in the morning. You Fade, hit the floor. You open up the windows. You staring out at the beach. You mojo is still not happening this morning. What is the song that you go to on by Chiens? SPOTIFY, whatever your weapon of choice may be. What's the shooting that goes on in the kitchen while you're making the coffee to get yourself motivated for the day all? This is gonNA sound really. The song that I would put on getting my mouth. would. Be Paradise by, coolio. GotTa. Pistol smoke. On the continent. In A. I love that song. Yeah. My childhood. It's a classic. Absolutely, that was the to the Batman movie to Right. Oh. Yeah the Guy Nice nifty ninety done they go. You've been brive. Francesca, thank you so much feel time today. The book is called the carriage thirteen principles for living boldly. With a forward by Sir Richard Branson big fan of the show that I rich Brando's. Way is the hub for all your stuff. Where do you send people to find out more about you? The bulk you story the work you do. Is there a hub? Yeah, in my personal website is probably the place where there are links to all the different things you mentioned such Scott to Francisca easily. Don't come as a bit of a different spellings if our am said for Sebre, I S. K.. I S. E. L. DOT COM by my whole name. Excellent Wall. Stick the show. Thank you feel time. I feel like we're might so ready. Thank you for spending on our little show, and sharing so much with us I really enjoyed the book and I think. There's so much more to learn about Francisco with the work you do for the charitable work and your journeys on the motorbike, but It's been great. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thanks Karen rebel for. The MOJO radio, shows. What have you got a massive headache? Calm down. What's the source? After that interview, we probably don't need a lot of prompting, but what's the so what I take quite a bit of Francesca's book and talking to her today. It's something I've heard before that if you have fear. If, you have anxiety. What are the critical things to do is to move. And you move your body before your brain has all the reasons to make up crap, excuses and the Brian will. That's why we don't do things. Because the Brian finds justification, but simply by taking the step just about putting hand up staying Aldo when people ask, volunteer are hand up before even have time to fund all reasons not to do it. Just do it, and they said the same thing that people who are suffering through depression anxiety in this period move so that's something that I thought was fascinating to remove fear. It helps develop your carriages to move and particularly if you have a fear. Held the past which they say is kind of depression. Or if your fear is something which is going to happen in the future, which they say, anxiety I would say. Move. Also let the fact the comments you made which I haven't heard before that writing a book for therapy. and. We could probably do that writing a journal a blog book. Writing Notes the back of a pad. Whatever but I find that very interesting and. It kind of ties back to Julia Cameron, which is one of my favorite shows of all time which kicked off season, seven episode to fifty six is an interesting one hundred shows between the two references about show is a hundred shows. That friendships getting to the point. That when she's writing at the time, she doesn't even read her rotting food back again, so it can sit in the journal. Get it out of the head out of out of assault. Doesn't read it back and it's something do Cameron Tokes back with the morning pages which are so powerful I I found it really interesting and I. Stand by sadly might it's the last supper a rope in the covid not. Not! US This half done well. I moved I moved into. By moved. Over the weekend over in the corner there and off to digging my white through a pile of. crumbs. Thank you, Mr Birtwistle. I found to brand new soap on a ropes in the cupboard, so we actually have three so. Then we got. We can extend the deal. If we get a review on I tunes and you have to use the woods perfectly. It's Krecko see sucked will send it out to you at at no expense. This is life. Babb and former Navy SEAL CO author of the books extreme ownership in the dichotomy leadership, the president of Exelon Front, and you're listening to the MOJO radio show. Off Quiz. Is probably one of my favorite pop quiz. hotshots time because it's very very special. So He. Set up if anytime. You can guess who this person is telling me. Pink Floyd actually wrote a song about her. She was named an honorary spice go. The queen channeled her. For her pandemic speech just recently. And in two thousand nine, the UK personality of the century. Anything yeah, the Pink Floyd things got me going on. Yeah, remember the name. Give me some more. I'll keep going. Harry Seacombe, great comedian and personality of the past said of this person and who radio show. Churchill didn't beat the Nazis. This lady sang them to death. She recently died at the age of one hundred and three. So if you haven't yet got it. Perhaps, Disclu will give it away. This is the song that Pink Floyd sang about this incredible lighting. A Has. and we will. Be Again. Son In day. G. Vera Lean maybe Y I. Find this so special and is GonNa. Pull a few things together here. Back? The name, the name of the lady who did incredible ID at the age of one hundred through was beer and Lynn Dame Vera Lynn. Popular British singer Jerk Wilbert two and she hosted BBC Radio Program called sincerely yours, but she would travel to sing. That song became the anthem. During wartime and she also made three wartime films. And the song the Pink Floyd did that I. Play Gio was called Vera. If you listen to the lyrics, it is all about that. Going to wall will to, and the reason is that Roger waters father was actually killed in battle will bow to. The guy any often refers to warn his lyrics. And that whole vision Roger Waters was referencing Vera Lynn once again which he sings actually in the pink Floyd Song. And so I find that. Fascinating. It goes back to all the stuff we talked about with creative rod his way to find your inspiration from, and had he wrote a rock song about something that happened back in the nineteen forties. The other thing that I would say for any parents or partners who have children. Is there is an incredible series on Netflix. It's called. To in color. Have you seen that yet? I've started watching it. I haven't watched the whole thing. Yeah, did start watching. He's quite incredible. Isn't it? I number one. The production is incredible. How do they get that footage? Midday trapped I. Tracks are all the different battles and wars in world war. Two. My point is. I think the kids today. Who will I suspect in probably year, ten or eleven have to talk about Wilbur to. My all my history that I went through school I learned from bill and Ted's excellent adventure. So artist learn about so crates. Joan of ARC. That was the extent of it. I had I had nothing if I'd have watched that top a documentary. Then Dan exams like of what should a few times? I would have had so much more passion interest and learning about history I. Think it's a wonderful thing for families to watch because I think there's so much that we don't know about pill Hob at the battle of Midway Battle of the bulge I. Think it's fantastic when I see a lady like this and that war listen to Jaakko in life talk about the World War Two was brutal brutal. When you hear lightly being of service, which is what Bob Berg the God talks about being a giver. I don't know I just find. This pop quiz ties a whole bunch of stuff together. About where do you find your spreading for creative writing? Ties back to Francesca. Will bought to being of service. I. Just think it's an absolute cracker, but I don't think we can play out with real game, so it really is I'm thinking. We should plan with some floyd. Just don't show what track how about some live pink, floyd, because this is a killer, version and dogs of war where? We don't discriminate. When you? was, rush. Hope. ABALONE! Hard cash we will. See. Don't know the way. We. We. ooh! Strolls! To. Mom. Dogs. Louise. took. A Long. Who? Originally. Oh. The MO! Jo Radio Show is produced and recorded in the basement of sound, the law tips and tools to get your Mojo working. Check us out on facebook at the MOJO radio show or online at the MOJO radio show dot com to help us get better and give more people the opportunity to touch them Ojha, you can now find us on Patriot followed the links on the front page of our website, and for coffee or two a month you'll get regular honest material and a copy of explosive hits nineteen, the best of the Mijo, radio show. In the meantime to Polish your next radio production checkout, food, sound, dot, com do. The more about Gary See Gary Whistle Dot Com. And to lay go to Andrew. PIECES DOT com. Andrew Pease speaking. See you next time.

Francesca Francisco principal salesman Jordan Sydney I lake Chevrolet Rugby Red Bus Lee Seven Bob Berg FIA Stephen Dan Dan Mara Detroit Wabi Sabi Cal Newport
DIY landscaping help  Ask a question!  ELY 080

The Easy Living Yards Podcast

17:24 min | 2 years ago

DIY landscaping help Ask a question! ELY 080

"What's up. I'm ben hill and this is the easy leaving yards. Podcast creating beautiful yard should be easy. Let's jumping and create the dream yard. You deserve so you can enjoy more time doing what you love and welcome to episode eighty of the easy living yards podcast today. We have a a little bit of a different show today. I want to highlight some of the things we've worked on over it easy living yards dot com <hes> recently and i want to showcase what you can do to get help with me over at easy. Living yards dot com our guys. You've heard me talk in previous episodes about the you. Ask me a question function and that's what today's show is about now of course if you went deeper help. If you really ready to make a transformation your landscape this is a wonderful time to be thinking about that. <hes> go over and check out the easy living yards membership. You can always go to easy living yards dot com slash membership and there you'll find information. You need to know to become a member today. When you become a member i have coursework to help you step step by step through the whole process. You know this whole landscaping thing can be overwhelming right. I get it so that's why i created the easy. Living yards membership is to help hope you step by step from the idea phase to figure out what to do when to do it how to do it and then to actually do it. That's what the easy living yards membership is here for. Its here to help you through the whole process and of course i'm here to in the easy living yards membership to to help you through step by step along the way all right so check out the easy living yards membership easy living yards dot com slash cash membership now. Today's show were also talking about the ask a question function. You can always go to easy living in yards dot com slash pod. That's easy living yards. Dot com slash p. o. d. in that is my podcast page has all these these episodes that we talk about on the podcast on that podcast feed likewise at the very top of that page. There's a button that says ask me a question. That's a perfect opportunity for you to take advantage of. If you have a burning question about your landscape whether it's you don't know where to start. You don't know what plans to choose. You don't what to do or how to do something. It's a wonderful way to get in touch with me and have me help you out on your landscape. This is an absolutely free opportunity for you to get in touch and get to get some so called expert help. I don't like calling myself an expert but i guess that's what we all right all right so if you want help for me go go to easy living yards dot com slash pod and at the top of the page there you'll see a button to ask me a question so what i wanna do today is to highlight a few of our listeners that that have reached out to me through this ask a question function and gotten some help in their landscapes and how it's helped change their landscape so i i wanna talk about michelle. Michelle is actually a member of the easy living yards. Membership and michelle has a beautiful <hes> aspiration for a colonial coastal landscape. She lives on the atlantic coast in new england and she's trying to transform form her new house for her family to be something beautiful that they can be proud of now. They live about a mile from the coast and they wanna have this beautiful expression russian of their coastal lifestyle as well as their colonial roots in the area further location. I hope i've summarized that twelve michelle if you're listening so michelle's asking how she can transform landscape express this colonial feel mm-hmm in a way that's beautiful and easy to maintain so we've worked together because she's part of the membership. I've been able to help her super closely to think about some plants they're they're gonna use and how to utilize their calves small front yard to really be expressive and beautiful and also to have a little bit of depth to do it to not feel so tight and small and instead to feel like this beautiful land scheme and of course with this kind of cape cod style design that she would like that matches her house <hes> she has a particular leaf pit particular affinity for hydros so we figured out how how to integrate hydrogen into a beautiful design that accents her house without obscuring her one story house at the same time so this is something and you guys out there need to think about is if you're planning a front yard design you want something that accents your house you something that showcases your house without you know okay obscuring your house or or covering it up and so that's one of the challenges here is is how to create depth to have some vertical height to the landscape without without you know just covering of your house and so michelle. I'm really thankful that you're part of the membership your inspiration and your uh your dedication to making a positive change in your landscape is really inspiring and your energy is also a lot of fun to work with so thank you michelle if you're listening <music> out there. Let's move on to jane. Jane has a awesome question that she reached out to me with <hes> just recently so jane is this has just moved into a new central valley home in california and jane had a really unique <hes> surprise for me. That was a lot of fun to work with actually and really made me think differently about the landscape than i'm used to so jane wanted to create a beautiful landscape to entertained chain guests in a way that i had never thought about and that is that jane is deaf in a lot of her friends are likewise deaf <hes> and so they wanted to have a place where they could <hes> connect and collaborate and entertain each other have fun together other <hes> in a way that was friendly to being deaf and so that really made me think about well what makes a landscape deaf friendly and this was such a fun thing to to kind of work together on is is we talked about okay. We want a gathering space that has clear lines of sight for for sign communication and for lip reading <hes> and also a landscape that has a lot of movement since is there's not as much sound we want movement right and so how do we integrate movement to create a beautiful space. That's entertaining. That's fun and that's zinc gauging when you don't have the sense of sound and so you know this really ties into with landscapes. There's so many elements to lance gifts chiefs. They're living piece right and so they have they have smell. They have sound they have site <hes> touch so these are all things <hes> that you know is it can be integrated into your landscape and depending on what you want. They can really add a sense of beauty and connectedness <hes> to your space and so without the sound piece there you know that might see like a loss to part of the experience of the landscape but really hey. This is an opportunity to focus on texture and visual movement and <hes> engaging yourself in your guests us to want to touch things so having a lot of very texture in elements in there that make you want to reach out to touch them into experience them in a different way also to <hes> integrate things that smell wonderful into your landscape to have things that are in bloom all throughout the season for example so these were things we thought about about <hes> when jane approached me and asked me about how to think about creating her wonderful entertaining space for herself in her friends likewise. She wanted something that was low maintenance that was water tolerant being from central valley. She was very <hes> interested. In creating something that was mostly native that was well adapted to the space and was conscious of the stress water conditions nations of the area and so for that i really admired what jane was trying to do with her landscape and i look forward to having james share some of those results as as we can work through that process so next we had bennett bennett is moving into a new space with <hes> <hes> just a newly purchased which is home. He and his wife got this new home and they had this really funky backyard all right so so it was a short backyard and it kind of had an angle toward toward the back of it so one of the size of the property was much deeper than the other side so it was kind of a slanted back property line because of this he he was concerned about. How do you create a feeling of balance you did. He didn't want it to feel like it was just this weird oblong space and so we kinda worked through a few ideas there to how to balance out that space or how to make space feel welcoming attractive and what does balance really mean and so that's where we kind of dove into balance doesn't necessarily mean symmetry what it does is. It's a balance is a feeling of uh evenness i guess or it's hard for me to articulate actually so let's let's work on this so balance. If you think about balancing a landscape it's it's about <hes> taking themes and making it feel even and a cohesive across the landscape. That's the word did i liked uses cohesive and so for example you don't want a ton of you know really dark plants on one side of your landscape and then really loosely formed the plants that are you know deciduous half the year and the other side is evergreens so you wanna evenly spaced across the landscape but it doesn't have to be symmetrical so you can have a taller vertical shrubs evergreens on one side and then a couple mounted a low growing evergreens greens on the other side. That's still from for me. Color in texture standpoint is balanced and so it doesn't always have to be you you know exacting on both sides and what we did is we talked about a few elements that could maybe help feel more balanced or more deliberate so one was on that deeper side so you could have kind of like an entertaining space toward the back or even an open lawn area then with some backdrop of of obscuring shrubs jobs on the one side that kind of match was closer up on the other side the shallower side of the landscape likewise we also talked about maybe borrowing some scenery so so basically making the the yard field that extends beyond the property line so so that property line isn't really clear in an open and and well defined and so it feel it doesn't feel unbalanced because you can't really tell where the property ends in the next property begins so it's just a few examples samples some of the things we talked about with bennett's landscape so bennett. If you're listening i'd love to hear back from you on on kind of what you think about some of those thoughts and in what you plan plan to do next. Maybe with your landscape net gets me into the the next piece is i had a wonderful chance to talk with christine. Steve christie is looking to create legacy and i hope you're okay with me. Sharing this on the show christie so christie reach out to me and shared with me some some very touching details <hes> that she has late stage cancer and so she's actually in hospice and in christy. I hope you're doing well right now. I hope things are going well. She wants to create a landscape both inside and out uh well wonderful home both inside and out including the landscape to leave behind a legacy toward her family family so christie's thinking about leaving value beyond just an inheritance leaving this wonderful wonderful space for the people that she loves and this is so touching and so christi. If you're listening here of first of all my thoughts are with you and i hope you're well and second of all. Please reach out and let me know how things are going so i'd love to hear so christie wanted to know with her pool how to really really integrate the pool into the landscape to make it to feel together and also with a gate you know gates are kind of unsightly right and so how do you what are some things you can do with a gate to really make it feel beautiful in part of the landscape and also help create privacy at the same time two so we had a few thoughts there about krissy was asking about what about some of these like artificial foliage that you can put on the gate in and i had to do some research actually and it looks like now there's some options out there that are really beautiful and attractive actually of some of this so you know so called artificial foliage college that you can put on your fence or on your gate to make it look like kind of like a living wall but of course you don't have to sit there and maintain it all the time and it actually looks pretty nice and so i'd love to hear christie if that's what you decided on or if <hes> or if you're looking at putting some shrubs in specific strategic locations that can help provide some of that privacy are. I guess i just wanted to share with you. A few examples of how landscapes can for one provide provide value to us but also how they fit into the big picture and that is what i've talked about on other shows is that really our life is more important than our yard heart rate so our life should add to our yard should add to our life. It should not detract from it. It should be where we experienced life where we enjoy life but again something we can be proud of but we don't have to feel obligated to maintain it all the time and that's where we kind of get caught up in. Today's world is just feeling stuck. Look like we have to maintain stuff all the time and always be taking care of it and that sort of thing and spending a bunch of time working on it. That's not value. That's is not meaningful and that's not leaving a positive legacy. That's not experienced a wonderful time with our family and so really. I wanna help you to to create a beautiful yard that you don't have to be working on all the time to maintain and that's really what we're all about here at easy living so if you have a question please reach out. Ask a question all right now. This free question process. I i have to give are you. A heads up is that i can't always get back to you within twenty four hours. You know this is easy. Living yards my side hustle guys so in case you didn't know that so so i have a fulltime job i try and focus on prioritizing my family i lake. I suggest you do as well and so if if you have a question i might not be able to get back to you right away but if it's something urgent just let me know and i'll do my best to get back to you when i can to to really help you out when you need it so guys with that. Go over to easy living yards dot com slash pod right at the top of the page. There's a button to ask a question. All you do is you type your question and let me know some details like where what part of the world you live in because that's helpful with understanding plants and stuff like that climate and then your question in just the few short couple sentences. That's it guys in for for. All of you folks. I talked about today so bennett christie michelle mm-hmm jane think ago you guys they're all right. Thanks so much for your questions. I hope my answers have helped you and i look forward award to hearing back from you to see kind of what you've been able to do with your landscape and the positive changes you've been able to make guys as always thanks for tuning in and make sure you live with passion and make tomorrow better than today yeah.

christie michelle mm-hmm Steve christie Jane jane bennett bennett england i lake cancer christine california james krissy christy twenty four hours
Ep #332: Keith Perhac, Founder and CEO of SegMetrics

The Daily Grind Business Podcast

34:36 min | 2 years ago

Ep #332: Keith Perhac, Founder and CEO of SegMetrics

"Hi, everybody. And welcome to the daily grind. I'm your host caller Morgan and five days a week. I aim to motivate educate and inspire you to live the life of your dreams. I interview some of the most successful and inspiring people along with sharing insight of my own in order for you to not only be successful in what you're doing but prosper in business and life. The show was for grinders people don't just have dreams, but are willing to lay it all on the line and grind for what they want. Welcome everyone to the daily grind. Hey, grinders recently. I've started to rebuild my website using wicks see in the past a website for non techie person. Like myself was really a pain in the butt. I had to find someone to build the site. Relay what I wanted pay thousands of dollars only to have to go through months of editing, and eventually just putting up with what I had. I wanted to start with a blank slate and design my website the way I wanted it. That's why I chose wicks. I I was able to start building my site and publish it for free. I chose from over five hundred stunning templates to find the exact fuel and look that I was looking for I could change customize in add anything I wanted wherever I wanted. Now, I've only been working on the site for about an hour a day for the past two weeks. I'm not quite finished yet. But can't believe how quick and easy. It's been to use an how professional it looks. What would have taken me months to complete in the past? And thousands of dollars. I've completed only a few short hours myself, plus everything is automatically optimized for any device desktop or mobile, which for me is super important for my business. What I've learned is that building a website doesn't have to cost thousands. It doesn't have to be a headache and can actually be really easy and enjoyable with wicks to get started using wicks today and get ten percent off go to wicks dot com forward slash podcast again. That is wicks w I x dot com forward slash podcast. Happy Monday, everyone and welcome back to the show. Hope everyone had an amazing weekend. I know I sure did it was super inspirational amazing to see Tiger Woods went again. After eleven years finally putting on that green jacket. What a special day it was. But we're back here. Monday with another amazing episode today, we sit down with Keith per hack, keep his defender and CEO of sag Mets. Trix sag metrics connects directly to your CRM giving you one hundred percent accuracy in your revenue and lead reporting get actual insight with out any coding, spreadsheet exporting or pivot tables, Keith also is in marketing expert and helps you automate measure drastically improve your sales and marketing funnels today on the show key shares is amazing entrepreneurial journey with us along with some really valuable insight when it comes to marketing, everyone, so be sure you have a pen piece of paper, sit back and really dive deep into days interview with Keith per hack. Enjoy will Keith per hack. Welcome to the daily grind. How are you today? Great. Thanks so much for having me. Of course, Keith all super excited that you're here and Keith for some people listening to this being first introduced to you today, if you wouldn't mind just kind of sharing a little bit more of who you are. And what it is that you do. Yes. So I am just a guy, but I have spent the last. Ten years Ishmael more working with marketers online marketers online personalities in order to help them build better technology and to improve conversion rates through technology. So working on things like marketing, and how you can use new strategies and new technology and stuff to improve marketing and sales and engaging with your users and everything that's what I've been doing for the longest time. And I also like building software. So that's kind of me in a nutshell. Very cool. And how did you get into this like taking a step back? You know years before like, what was your introduction of marketing? What made you wanna do this specifically? So it's it's interesting because I have always liked marketing. I just never knew it. Okay. So since I was eight years old. I wanted to be a comic artist. Like, I really wanted to be a comic artist. And I went to Saturday schools. I went to when I was twelve I flew to L A by myself too. To go into art school and do stuff, and the it was interesting because I don't think I'm a great drawing artists and looking back on it. I realized that the thing I liked about the comics as I was was thinking of like gimmicks, right? Like, oh, what I'll do as I'll have this ad in the back of the comic. And they can look on different pages of all the comics that they've bought and like find which characters are stronger and compare them in the get to win this prize. And I'm just thinking this at like, the age of like nine ten whatever right and looking back, and I was like I didn't like the drawing of the comics as much as I liked the idea of having this product and this product suite that I could then do different things to engage with people with like coming up with different contests or ideas, or like, how do you get this out to more people like, and it was interesting looking back because I always thought. Oh, yeah. I really wanted to comics. But it was really more. I light comics and I liked having some. Something that I could focus on and kind of play in that world with which is really interesting to me. So it's odd because I didn't realize that until I was thirty I lake. Yeah. So I went to oh, go ahead. I was going to say that was my next question. Like when did you realize that so thirty years old? Yeah. Took me a long time. So I went to school for fine arts and computer programming which are kind of a weird combination. But it worked out because when I graduated that's what people needed was people who could design websites and make them look pretty and this was during the first dot com, boom. And it was essentially like the unicorn power there were no developers who also knew how design and there are no designers who also knew how develop for the web. And so I kind of found myself in this really nice spot and went one hundred percent into development. I dealt software. I went through that whole thing got caught up. That I had actually moved out to Japan and was working with the Japanese start up for about six years. And I was in charge of all of their product design, proc development and stuff like that. And the company got acquired and at that point. I kind of realized that I was tired of working until one AM and that Japanese salaryman, and I was like, well, I've got the design. I've got the product development got the coding chops. The only thing I don't have is that marketing that sale side of things. So I decided to go off on my own and work on that marketing side of things, and I realized oh, wait, this is so similar to everything I've been doing my entire life was marketing. So it became my new love, and it's really what I enjoy doing. Now, I like building systems, and I like getting those systems out there and building other systems that people go through and. Yeah. So so so transitioning out of that Japanese company being on salary to now doing stuff on your own. Like, what was the biggest transition for you at that time? I was scared. Poop bliss. Actually, I remember. So I I had a kind of foisted on me which was good because I should have quit two three years earlier. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. So I came up with this. I was thinking about what you need an job to continue with it. And there's three things I think you either have to have money, which did you get paid a lot of money. You have to have for yourself, which means you get off work early. You can take a day off if you want or you really enjoy the job, right? When he started working there. I had all three. Low bit later I had to then I had one and then I had zero. And then it's like, well, I'm not enjoying the work. I work until one him getting paid peanuts. And so is this really where I wanna be and even with that it took the company getting acquired before I decide to go off on my own. And I it was really funny. I found out after the acquisition was done, and I had quit the CEO of the new company invited me over his kind of bought this company. So that you'd come work for me. I'm like should told me. Hey, you didn't have to buy an entire company. You like if you're going to buy the company for me, and my boss is the other guy. He wanted to come work. You should probably tell us at some point. But it it scared me because you know, even at the low salary you if I don't feel like working that day. Right. Just go in and like I can kind of have assets. Right. So sure. Yeah. And I don't have to be on top of my game every single minute of every single day, right? And I know that if I don't get fired I'm going to have that paycheck every day and the being an entrepreneur going off in your own is exact opposite your biggest challenges yourself and how you feel that day. And if you cannot get up in the morning and say like I'm going to go rocket and work on the right things. Not just work. Like if you're a salaryman are working in an office. You can just work on things your boss is telling you, what to do you don't have to work on the right things because someone else to tell you. But as an entrepreneur, you have to work on the right things. Otherwise, you're not gonna make enough money to live. And that's super scary. How did you learn how to battle through that? Because I think a lot of people fight that. Right. And you know, you don't have to wake up. So you don't so you don't have to do this. So you delay it. So like, how did you? How were you able to stay focused on task keep yourself motivated like how are you able to do all of that? It's interesting because I read a lot about like motivation and stuff like that. And everyone says, oh, it's. Problem. You just do these things, and it's not it's a, and I think that presenting it like that is distant not only disingenuous, but hurts the people who are still struggling like me. I go with this every day. I spent his yes, right? Like, this is it's not a salt problem for me. It is the hardest thing I have to do every day. Some of the things that I've done to help are creating a routine, so especially a caffeinated slash wakeup routine, which is wake up in the morning coffee got coffee when I start losing energy. I take a shower. When I started losing energy again, I eat lunch. And then I have another Cup of coffee, and it's like I play lots of like, really hard pounding music and stuff like that just to keep my emotional level in my energy levels up the entire day. And as far as picking what I should work on. That is something that's I think super important, and you can't do it on the day to day. You can't sit down for the beginning of your day and say, what am I going to work on because there's nine hundred things that are gonna come in and distract you and throw you off your game or you're just going to say, oh, I don't have anything or I checked my Email. I feel done and you just start playing video games or watching YouTube or whatever that is what I tend to do is. I want to do it like usually on Sundays. I'll sit down for half an hour an hour. And it's like, okay, I'm going to block out my days and understand that I'm not going to get half of the things done. I want to do. But at least know what I'm going to try and. Accomplish during the next week dodgier consistently writing stuff down putting it in calendars, reminding yourself of it. Hopefully, hold you accountable to get these things done. Yep. Although the worst part is that I have kind of a anti-authority streak. And so when my computer says, hey, you need to be working on this. I'm like you can't tell me what to do. Even though I'm the one who put that reminder in there. It's like eight o'clock at China says exercise, I'm like, no, no, you can't tell me what? Yeah. No. It's really it's really interesting. What you're saying? Because I think a lot of people or people in the self development stage or entrepreneurs are all like, you know, get up e fired up your mission, and what you're doing you should love so much that you don't need coffee or you don't. But I think it's different you need to be really self aware, and sort of intuitive to yourself to know who you are. Because I don't think everyone's built that way. And I was able to do that the first four or five years I was able to get up every morning and say I'm going to just kick butt and do it. And like that that adrenaline of doing the work got me through it. And eventually I mean, I've been doing this eight ten years. Eventually you get to the point where it's oh, no matter how much I do. There's still more to do. I'm not going to power through this and have a sass out tomorrow and be a millionaire, right? It's a slog. It really is. And it's an enjoyable slog. I love every I love the work that I'm doing I believe in it. But the idea that it's that you can emotionally get through. All the days is I think a lie because you can't sustain that for multiple years. And every day is not going to be great, right? I'm in the point with our staff where it's not the fund development and designing as it's the okay? It's time to go in and look at numbers and see how our emails are doing. And my God, I have to reach out to twenty new people and see if they wanna come on a podcast or get on a webinar or if they'll be affiliates like it's the slog part of things. Right. And you can't be I don't think you can be emotionally excited about that. But that's you know, we were talking about what's the most important thing to do that is the most important thing to do at this stage. Right and. If you're not the type person that gets excited about that. You have to build out something that gets you excited about that. Right. Got you know, is that like building a team potentially teams are great one thing that I have found is that. And this blue my mind, there are people out there who enjoy whatever it is. You hate, and I hate I love talking to people. I do not like randomly going to someone and saying, hey, let's start a conversation. Like, I don't like networking or like putting myself out there. They've got people that love that. Absolutely love for sure there are people who like project management who loved Gantt charts who like putting together and telling people exactly what they're gonna do every minute of every day. It drives me nuts. But there are people out there who love that. That is the the thing they derive joy out of right? Just like, Dr joy out programming or doing design, right or? Marketing. And the goal is to find those people and find the places where you provide yourself provide little value and are not good at it. And connect with people who do provide value in who are good at it who who enjoy it and get them to do that work. That makes a ton of sense. And I'm curious for you. I mean, you start off to branch off on your own. You know, your obviously have the design and that aspect, but now you get into marketing. For you at that time when you started to get into marketing, what really attracted you to that like what how to do or when did you figure out like I really have a knack for this? The knack for just kind of came out of results to be honest. Some more of like, a practitioner, you you were trying things and you were seeing results from it. And they're like, I'm pretty good at this. Yeah. And it was interesting. So I my friend who got me to kind of start doing. This was his name's Patrick McKenzie. He's pretty I don't know if he still is. But he's pretty famous in the the kind of SAS startup AB testing split testing conversion rate optimization space. He's one of the first people kind of pioneered that whole AB testing for SAS companies. But it was interesting because he and I were talking is like, yeah, he said seventy or eighty percent of all my tests fail, right? They just don't give me they don't improve the number. And I'm like like seventy percent of my tests succeed, like I it's very rare that I that I had test that didn't succeed, and it was interesting to go into a page or an Email or something and look at what I felt was wrong fix it. And then see the. Client, make more money. And that's that. Just ego self confidence boot straight yet. It's like I went in and change these things that I thought with horrible and suddenly you're making four times as much money. That's just that's you'll that's a dicta- super addicting. So that's kind of what got me into it. And then I I enjoy it. There's it's always a new problem, right, especially as technology changes. There's always new things you can do and always new things you can try and it's true that ninety percent of people honestly couldn't market their way out of a paper bag. So the level is really low to start with. So with marketing, I mean, it encompasses a whole like a whole bunch of different aspects like for you. What are you like a specialist in which you say? The biggest thing is probably understanding how people pages and understanding what people want to get out of content. They're reading right. And it's really that balance of education and segmentation and sales, right? So lots of people way too far into the sales side, and you can tell the second. You look at an Email that oh my God. They're gonna sell me even on the title you've been on the title. And then some people are the other way where they just keep educating educating giving all this free stuff, and it's great, but they'll never ask for a dollar. And then over time that kind of gets frustrating as a it does and even espec- well it gets frustrating for the seller as well because you can't run a business like that. Like, I had a had a customer or client who we were working with that. They had a twenty-seven dollar e book that you they guaranteed. You would make. Back at least six times as much money. I'm not going to go into details about what it is. So. How how much was the book twenty seven dollars? Okay, and guaranteed. You would at least make that price back in savings in the first six months or he'd give you the the book back, but the the money back. So we deal, right? People still complained. It was too expensive. Right. And at that point, you don't have you don't have a pricing problem because that's stupid cheap. You have a positioning problem. Right. Yeah. And that's the type of thing that you're trying to solve with these things, which is finding how you can communicate value to people in a way that doesn't feel like a sale, but provides value in that they are they feel comfortable giving that amount of money for the product. You're giving got you. So for people out there who have a product or service who may be going through. That sorta struggle that you had been talking about like, what are some what are some ways to identify or what are some ways to fix like what they're doing in their marketing fun. And with their marketing efforts. So there's two that I would really say so in your emails seventy percent of your content should be educational thirty percent should be sales. If that's kind of my base number and the other one is when you're reading your landing pages or your sales pages or your top pages, or whatever it is you need to look at how someone who has never heard of you before or who is coming to that page fresh and read it like they would. And what I mean by that is that as you go through the page. I should the person reading it should be saying yes or no to various things as they go on. So one thing one thing I kind of structured with is, you know, you have your hero shop where it says title of page. This is a great thing. You should do it here. Right. That's going to get people who are already sold on the solution. People. Who are already convinced? Absolutely. If they don't click on that you need to prove your worth. So they kind of fell down a filter, right? Like going down. One more step on a stair step. Then you always have your like the logos of the social proof things. Right. Like I've been in the New York Times. I was on Forbes, blah, blah, blah, you give a little bit more content is like, hey, you should really check out our flu because the flu Zell's are. Great. And they will help you flee. Bill, your flus, -als better, blah, blah, blah. Right. Yeah. And then you say sign up here. All right. And so they have a second choice. You've given them more information. So they phone through this one. So let's so they obviously have a problem with the messaging. So let's find a different way to message them say argue, a freelancer, are you a schoolteacher? Are you a retiree like to? How can we help your specific problem that you have click here to earn more? Right. So now, we're kind of getting into that segmentation about how can we solve your specific Brown because they're not instantly convinced they're not convinced by. How famous we are like our social media creditor ever. So now we have to start digging in. It's like what what is the problem you're trying to solve how can we help you? And then we target them for that people who fall through that at that point. You're pretty much just getting people who need to learn more. And that's where I think a lot of people but blog articles or other information, or that's when you kind of start your free education, which is hey, you need to trust us more. Right. Yep. And that's what that education really is for it's for proving that you are the expert proving that you know, what you're talking about proving that you are going to help people before they blob down any hard earned cash. Yeah. And I think that's super important. And I think I actually think this is what a lot of an you. I don't know if you agree like a lot of startups struggle with because in a lot of solo entrepreneurs as well because you don't see the return on your investment when you start to do content or you give away. Seventy and then thirty so it's like everything they do is an ask at the beginning. And they don't see the results, but they're not willing to put in the work in order to get the results that make sense you. Yeah. Definitely. And I think that has actually been exacerbated by the fact that, you know, Facebook ads are doing so well on so many industries right now that you can just pour a ton of money in two landing page or into Facebook ads have them go into landing page that goes into a webinar the does, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yep. But that is not a long term sustainable strategy. I think that Facebook ads are great for generating revenue. I think they are great. I specially when you're starting to be able to fund the rest of your stuff, but the long-term win is honestly through SEO, Andrew great content and through building that relationship. So I I I have I have an analytics platform, and we talked with some of our clients, and I was looking at this one client. I was like, oh, you're webinars are getting like six dollar leads. You must be spent how much are you spending to get leads to come in this webinar, and they're like nothing that's all SEO while they were getting and we're not talking about small number leads to retard about thousands each week coming in and each lead that they get in six is six dollars from organic traffic. That's crazy. Right. And it's like, yeah. You could get that with Facebook. But you're going to be paying three to four dollars a lead. Yeah. Right for sure. And I think that it's those. People that aren't spending anything those are the people that have put in the time. Those are the people that have invested the time of built their brand people know when trust them so that is now paying off for them. Yeah. And it's not it's not an instant Bank. It's a lot of hard work. And that's why I think we have a very instant gratification culture. Now, maybe more than than we used to. I don't know. I'm not that old. But feels you really have to put in the time and the effort to build something great. That's that's long-term, sustainable and SEO. I think is really or even just educational content in general is a great way to build that relationship with people got you. So I mean, you start with this marketing, obviously, you've been doing amazing things. And now you recently founded how long ago did you found sag metrics segma- Trix was I'm more both years or five years ago? I believe Gotcha. And at that point in time you. To build something out more for for yourself in order to solve a problem. Was that the reason for it? Yeah. That was the original thing. So I used to have a co founder Charlie who has gone on to other things, but he essentially came to me one day, and he and I had worked together a number clients, and he was kind of analytics guy, and he's like Keith if I have to export data into excel and do pivot tables one more time, I'm going to pull out the rest of my hair. We've got to do something. And it was like could you build something with an API? I'm like what could and two hours later. We have the initial version which spit out, Texas, a text file of the reports that took him five six hours to do. So it was interesting because we built the like the engine of it built really quickly, and we start showing it to some of our clients where you're like, hey, would you be interested in a tool that you give us a tag? And then we say yet, here's all the people and how much it's worth. And we like just had this text file spitting out to our clients. And we showed them it in Skype, and they're like, this is great. This is the best I ever, right? Yeah. And so that's where it kinda grew and started building and we've been building on that for five years now. So well, so five years in like what's been the biggest pain point? Or what's been the biggest obstacle you faced as a company in those five years. Honestly, focus and sales. I think would be the two biggest ones focused because we are bootstrapped. So we do like now it's a lot easier. But when we started like we were getting five hundred thousand dollars a month. Right. Yeah. You can't live to people's salaries off of that. We had no do client work and do all this others to to keep going. So it's hard to get and keep up that momentum. Now, I think the hardest part is just sales. And it's because my personality is not an outgoing when I don't like going to mixers. I I'd rather stay at home. And that's why like marketing and not sales. I like staying home and doing my stuff. So that's been a huge challenge. Because especially in the marketing space, everything is about connections. It's all about what influencers using it like it's very much a personality game. Right. Yeah. So that's probably the biggest struggle that we've had as a company. So that's like your main focus for twenty nineteen sales. That's it's going to be a big one. Yeah. Awesome. Well, I think I always think it's great to to let people know and deal, you have an amazing company. But with anything there's struggles, and there's pain points. And there's things that you always have to work on. I think it's super important educate them. Yeah. Definitely. So for you. I'm wondering say you could go back in. Time is a question. I love to ask. The entrepreneurs like yourself Keith is say you could go back in time and sit down with the eighteen year old Keith and not necessarily change anything. But staffer a piece of advice or piece of guidance for you, I'm wondering what that would be. It's always a tough question. 'cause it's interesting because that advice changes over the years as well. As like each absolutely what time does like, I remember what I said three years about that. And it's very different than what I'm going to say now. I think that the best advice. I am not advice that would change anything. But the best advice to kind of keep it going is that a beetroot yourself and. Not try to change your outlook. Because it's what other people expect or how other people treat you. So not getting into that whole scarcity mindset understanding that there's always things around that can make it work and part of that the second one part of that would be people don't think the same as you always. And that that has been super stuff. That's that has really been an eye-opener the last couple of years where I live my life in a very certain way and with very certain morals, and it's very interesting to meet people who one hundred percent do not share those morals, or who are willing to just completely dash any thing that I consider moral for their own benefit. So it's been an interesting. Interesting time. Yeah. I mean, it's really interesting. As an entrepreneur. 'cause I mean what I felt is you branch off on your own. You start to do things that quote, unquote, aren't normal for a lot of maybe people that, you know, in your family, and it's very difficult in those early stages to be honest, even is now like, no matter. How successful you get or whatever you do. There's always going to be that like, look, right? And I think it's it's out of love, but it's really difficult because it can really hinder that mindset, which you need to order to kind of push forward. Yeah. Definitely. Definitely awesome. Will Keith if people wanted to reach out connect with you learn more about what you do. Where's the best place that they can go? Yeah. So two places one metrics like you mentioned and my personal site is develop your marketing dot com off, and you can probably reach out there. I am horrible at social media, so Twitter and Facebook are definitely not the places to find me. Awesome. Well, everyone that has developed your marketing dot com and also check out sag. Metrics dot IO. I'll share both those links to make it super simple to connect it with Keith. But now Keith away we end the show here on the daily grind is. I'm gonna give you the floor, and you have the opportunity today to share with our audience the thought of the day. So one thing or one thought that we can all go home with today. So the one thing that has defined my kind of success and entrepreneurship, I guess is the idea that you are not limited by space, and you are not limited by location. I started my company, and I started freelancing in a town of one hundred thirty thousand people in the middle of nowhere Japan and was able to build a successful agency with twelve people a successful software company. The internet opens things up so much and the ability to connect with people that you might have never met in real life. I'm multiple slack chats with multiple people who I've never met in real life and. We're good friends is amazing. And I don't think it's ever been like this in the history of the world that we can connect with people so far outside our physical locations. And I hear a lot from people. Oh, I'm into Pika Kansas. Oh, I'm in the middle of nowhere. I I have to move out to San Francisco to start my company. You don't you one hundred percent do not and it's harder to be out there because there's more competition. It's more expensive. I had my cost of living was nothing in Japan. And that's one of the reasons I was able to start a company on a shoestring budget still pay for my family's expenses and be able to grow right? Yeah. So. Ever never create walls and hurdles for yourself, or they don't exist but location, especially you can fly anywhere you can travel anywhere, right? The connection. You can make all online are amazing. Absolutely love that. And as you can see from this interview, everyone six s is driven by passion hunger. And know that you really can't fly anywhere. Everyone has to overcome obstacles. Everyone has a story. Start building yours today today, we had the chance to speak with the amazing Keith per hack. Keith thanks so much for taking time out of your schedule man and coming on the show here with us today. Thanks so much for having me. Thanks so much for having me. It's been great. The pleasure was all mine, and everyone if you like today's episode, be sure your subscribe to the podcast verse of all, but drop us a comment. Let us know what you like shares with cherish your thoughts. And also share this with your friends until next time. Call them Morgan's signing off and always remember to keep on writing.

Keith marketing and sales Facebook Morgan CEO Japan Tiger Woods Ishmael sag Mets headache YouTube New York Times I lake San Francisco flu Texas product development
Episode 20 - Our Darkest Secret

Afternoon Delight

34:15 min | 1 year ago

Episode 20 - Our Darkest Secret

"Neuner, we hustled we negotiated weeded anything. We had to fucking do to get you guys the best discount code. Possible. Adam and Eve is offering you guys fifty percent off almost any one item Poe less free shipping delivered discretely to your door. You guys. There's a fifty percent almost anyone item. If you need a replacer vibrator because you use it too much go to Adam and eve and get that shit replace asset if you wanted to try some new. Sex Toys like nipple clamps Adele, though you were looking at fifty percent off Adam and Eve dot com, there's no excuses replace your sex toys and try some new ones you have been urging to try and not only will you receive fifty percent off and free shipping, but you will also be getting sick spicy movies and a three piece bonus kit. So don't forget to use our offer code numerous at checkout that's n double O, N, E R S. Hello and welcome back to afternoon delight podcast. This is your girl Shirley and this is Amanda guys. How is it going? So on this episode, mean surely are going to go deep. Yes. Very deep very intimate. We're GONNA be talking about mental health. So, we know our listeners most likely have either dealt with mental health issues or know someone who's dealt with mental health issues. So we wanted to share stories and our advice, take it or not take it's up to you guys. But this to be deeper episode I know we're usually more lighthearted but we know this is a topic that so many people deal with and it is a must for us to go over definitely and I think that before we get started, we should let them know that we got a little. A little. We had a few shards. We had a little bit of fine because we just wanted to like feel good like we don't want this to be a depressing episode. We definitely want this to be like just more of like what we have gone through what we're going through because we feel like a lot of people can relate. So I don't know we just we were talking about this earlier this week and we just really got into it and I think that it's important to talk about I feel that the more as time progresses more people are talking about mental health and I. Think that it's still has a stigma like depression or having OCD having those kind of like mental health issues and I think that it shouldn't be stigmatized and I can say that I kind of had some of those ideas as well. But I personally went through something that completely changed her mind. So people I've noticed have the complete inability to empathize with something that does not affect them. I know plenty of people who are just talk about people having anxiety or depression issues like okay. Well, get over it like okay like our ages fix it like excuse me late you start like that. But it's not like that thankfully, you don't have to be burdened by it, but people just seem to be more empathetic. So we hope that anybody who may be is not suffering from it can take something from this podcast. Shirley goes to details what happened to you what did you have if you don't mind sharing and your journey? Towards recovery if you are. Well. So on episode I, think it was episode fourteen to pill or not to pill we talked about our birth control and you know what kind of birth control we took and all of that. So I talked about that I was on the Pill for a little bit and that really caused me to go crazy but I didn't really get into detail so I started having. So I really believe that the pill brought out the OCD that I didn't know I had and now looking back even like before the. Pill like there were like signs but I think that once I was on the pill like high in them and it made them an issue for me. So I stopped taking the pill Tober because I started having crying spells and actually feeling sad a lot and I can tell you that I was constantly crying I was like I was just really sad all the time and it was due to intrusive thoughts. So OCD is an umbrella term, and now I don't know if I have it or not but It definitely, like matches that and I started having intrusive thoughts and it was really hard for me because those thoughts were about something very close to my heart and I actually started to do a lot of research because it was getting so bad to where I honestly could not take it like I fell like I couldn't live in my own head like I like I would just cry and so I'm getting relational. You really trapped in your mind of like I couldn't prison like mental. I couldn't stop thinking about it and even my fiance was like so worried like he's like you need to get help like you need to get some professional help and I started doing a lot of research the day that I decided to stop taking the pill I started doing a lot of research and shortly like even the next day after announcing the pill. I. Don't know if it was kind of like a like a placebo effect like I knew that I wasn't having those hormones in me anymore to wear like it eased things a little bit to where it wasn't that bad. But it's I did a lot of research and I started looking up intrusive thoughts and. What you could do to stop those thoughts and I learned that the mind will target the people that you love the most. So I'm having these thoughts about the most important person in my life and it's like a thought I don't want to have and it's so hard to just be like it's just a thought because it's literally just a thought like that's all that it is like just like any other thoughts that you ever have, but it's so personal that it hurts you to where your mind makes a bigger than what it is because it's literally nothing like you can't help what you think and so I got a lot better I started feeling a lot better I was. Like almost immediately after obtaining the PILL I. Stopped. Having the crying spells and I didn't seek out professional help because I was feeling better and it's very expensive. So I decided to to hold out on getting help this happened in October where it got really bad. This was in October guys. It's been what nine months. More than that ten months and I'm still dealing with on a daily basis I deal with this interest of thought, and it's not the same one that I was having it turned into something different like it's not a bad thought but it's an intrusive thought to are like I will get that thought and like throws me off. And it's so weird like starting like in the morning like once it starts like I constantly struggle with it throughout the day. So I said, it's been a really long time I need to get better I wanNA feel better like I am happy but I feel like sometimes I'm not living in the moment. Like I'm just so in my head that I can't let go of whatever thoughts that I'm having I get. So wrapped up that I cannot pay attention to what's going on in front of me because I'm just like in my head so much. So I decided that it was time to start therapy. So I cannot afford to go to a therapist in person and also especially with Cove Ed you want to try to be out as possible even though I'm out here in Florida. The worst place to be at right now but you know I had to come see my girl. and. But I'm doing online therapy and it has definitely helped. I've gotten a lot of Tibbs I decided to go with a therapist that had more of a spiritual approach like they like to do yoga meditation I think that's really important I. I didn't think that. would be like you need medication for this, but I really wanted to avoid getting to that point like I WANNA learn how to manage it myself rather than a pill manager for me. And I know with like different mental disorders and different things like you need to take medication to balance things out I, totally understand that. But for me I just thought like this is something that I can learn to overcome. So I decided to go ahead and start therapy is been three weeks I haven't really talked to her recently since I've been here she said if you need me we can definitely talk but like enjoy your trip and we can talk after cited fuel forced or obligated to re talking to her if I didn't need to. And I'm continuing to do the things that she told me to do and. It's something that I'm still struggling with but definitely getting better at and I think that going through all of that it, it really shows how powerful your mind can be. The therapist is definitely helping out. Yeah definitely. I feel that. I. Have learned new things I'm doing meditation I'm doing specifically I'm doing Yoga Jura, and that's just basically yoga sleep and they it's a guided meditation, and so you try to focus on what they're saying because for me I feel like my mind races too much to where if I get a moment of silence like my mind just started going and it's Like a snowball effect. So having somebody talking and being like you need a focus on this like it really helps the therapist. Also, let me know that guys. If you hear panting, it's because we have two little special guests or bells because they're not worrying bills but a little dog tags slamming against each other's sound like clinging. We're sorry we have dogs sons well, I. Have Dogs, sons, but there her God dogs sons. He has my God dogs my dog. So if a freak accident happens surely take dogs and yeah. So if something were to happen and tragically at have to take the dogs, oh. Yeah. What a horrible thing he loves on but you continue with our conversation it really helps me focus on something other than what I'm thinking but I did learn with her that you can have old consciousness so you can be having a thought while having another one that happens to me a lot like I can going throughout my day and I can be thinking about something but then I'm also thinking about something else the same time. So that for me is hard because you kind of have like you're living your live, you're having normal like regular thoughts of whatever's happening but then you have like this record playing in the back and your subconscious mind yes. Your social. person. Therapist. I'm GonNa pay you, and so I definitely think that it helped. I'm learning ally I. Don't know I've never been interested in learning about the mind because I've. I feel like I'm a did see person like I can be like. Like airheaded yeah can agree. Just getting the mind though. So that's why a lot of things she told me I already knew about I research it for fun Oh. Wow. Yeah. I should just researchers researches for finding after pay a therapist to learn about it. Yeah. But that's my experience. So this conscious, the conscience it's it's a really powerful thing and I'm still dealing with it. I'm getting better. So that's my story that's what's been going on with me. That's what I've been up to getting some therapy trying to get better and I fortunately have a good support system like amended Super Supportive I can call her at any time and then she's like being very supportive and then I have a very supportive fiance that is very supportive so that you didn't like the word fiance I don't but then he's allowing boyfriend like I have to get real I'm about to get married he's not my boyfriend he's about to be my husband so. I just have to go with it and call him my fiance. Sorry. If you're one of those people like me that don't always a fuck out of them because trust me I don't like the word, but it's what it is. There's OCD says I was telling her that when it comes to volume if I can help it like if I'm at home watching TV or I'm in my car, I like to have the volume at an even number like it I try not to let it bother me to where if it's like volume twenty five, I'll let go I feel that like. Like for my acl like to put an even number two or it could be like a seventy five but I like it on an even number. Yeah. Like it's just like it just feels good like it's an even number. It's just. Or like my alarm that I set to wing up is even it's not like. Nine twenty nine like I never sat. Does it's like nine, fifteen, nine, thirty, nine, forty, five, ten, o'clock. Five minute increments usually Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. But not like two minutes Oh my goodness I just remembered just to give a little pause give them a little breather. We're GONNA be snorkeling tomorrow. Super excited. Super excited. We're fat asses were not in shape. So Amanda has a pool and we're going to be doing some practice. WE'RE GONNA train for tomorrow snorkeling. Yeah. Super. excited. You guys. Wish US look your hope that we don't drown or get by shark. Love. So Amanda now that I've told them ideas story, we've taken a breather we want to know what your experience is with your Mental Health v worst you guys is the worst experience you guys are going to be hearing some heavy panting. We had to bring the dogs in with us. We don't want them to be locked up they WANNA be part of the podcast. So we're going to let them be but focus on what we're saying now what they're panting. anyways. So a little back story when I was a teenager around thirteen, my mother passed away from cancer and she had been battling for three years. So she got sick when I was like ten and unfortunately passed away when I was thirteen and that span you guys fucked my head up so much like the whole incident fucked my head up I was the happiest most outgoing friendly child, and then all of a sudden, my mom. Got Sick my grades plummeted my attendance plummeted my sociability plummeted like everything plummeted from that incident and my way to handle it was to withdraw. So I would just stay in my room and listening to music all fucking day because I wanted to withdraw from reality that I was living in. It was terrible like my mom was sick. You know there's a lot of other things going on to that. We're making it just not the best Younger childhood but like teenagers was fucking nightmare I was you know a late bloomer to? Feel good about myself. Physically, my mom's passing away. Did it have a strong family bond with anybody besides like my father It just felt so lonely and it was such a bad time. So you guys so that time where I was being so introverted and stuck in my room and stuck in my head caused me to kind of develop like depression and it wasn't necessarily like the difference between chemical depression environmental depression it was environmental depression but that I was so used to feeling for such a long time that it became a habit habitual so I was extremely. Depressed I still get depression spells to this fucking day. But it was worse when I was a teenager and early twenties to the point to where I had no ambition to do fucking anything to clean to like cook to do anything to even get out of bed you guys I would lay in bed for hours and just not want to get out of it and face the day. I was basically a guys. I just didn't want to face the day I honestly would would have just preferred to sleep my day away versus get up in live my day I had. Social? Anxiety. Like I even like going out into supermarkets to buy things I needed to buy because sent one. I just didn't want to be around people like literally I had social anxiety like it was caused depressingly. So I became so depressed did not want to get out of bed I didn't even like doing anything sociable whatsoever ordering something going out somewhere where people can look at me like I, felt hideous about myself felt. So down, my environment was so crappy like the people are I was around were so crappy late it was so bleak looking like my future looked so bleak at that time I'm not. Going to go on the details of like all of it, but also like my family was not rich by any means. In fact, we were pretty like on the poor side. So there was also that like it was just so shitty my teenage years you guys I can't fucking believe it. So I had to vote depression and I would get into moods just depress an ambitious Lazy Indus down on myself hating on myself I wouldn't even WanNa like look at myself. I wouldn't even wasn't happy like I just was always having a pessimistic attitude always to music always in my head it was so fucking depressing. You guys to be honest like my existence like nothing at that time like I was doing nothing with my life like barely anybody new exit like in high schools they kind of like a loser whatever but I was going through so much and people just didn't understand and I was just so depressed and I could not dig myself out of that hole. It felt like a hole that was dug and dropped in and I didn't know how to get myself out was like everyday woke up and I felt like that and it was a very rare that I had really good feeling days where I was. Excited to get up for the day I was excited to have my day where I was ambitious or laughing. It was just very rare. But as I got older, it eventually started evening out a little bit and it became a little less of the downs is still a roller coaster where I would be on a high and then dropped to a low pretty dramatically which in turn isn't the best for my close relationships because even though I'm not like bipolar sometimes it comes off bipolar like I'm super happy late Giddy like extroverted one day and then the next day I'm like don't fucking Dr me like. I don't WanNa talk I wanna like beyond myself and like. So it is kind of a little bit of a hindrance with close relationships because you don't know what personnel you're getting, and it's not it's not even bipolar ism it's just the way depression works and now I'm pretty safe. I'd safely say that I have way more ups and downs, but I still get the nouns especially around that time of the month because hormones do come into play actually say with the pill pill when I was on birth control to which I had been on birth control since I was a teenager up until recently but. Down, more made me more moodier and Bichir and like it's just certain Shit it did to me but nowadays I still struggle with the down spells I think everybody has their downs but mine are a little bit more harder to get out of because of the more depressive nature of them that I've dealt with my whole life. But I've got a grasp on it. You guys like I've gotten a huge grasp. On it and a lot of that had to do with changing who I hung out with reading changing the content. I was consuming eating healthier doing things for my body exercising to an extent very inconsistent but I still do it meditating to a degree and just doing a lot of self care self healing self care like taking care of myself stuff that my dog's always make me happy unless. They're really irritating me. But if I'm down like usually like all pet my dogs, I feel so much better and because of that, I had made a list and four in it's the higher vibration list. So this list I made an I have a taped up ray at my desk for if I'm ever feeling down but it's called the high vibration lists. So if you're feeling down this list of things you can do to bring yourself up almost instantaneously. Okay. So read a book or listen to an audio and uplifting motivational audio eat healthy 'cause I. I don't know about you if shit and I make a solid for some reason I just feel so much better who I'm just really myself good today like my body must love me I feel better at least the modern. Leafy Greens like you know it's healthy for you. It's good for. You feel positive after you do it because it's not only about your outside like I feel like we've been talking about a lot of like in. And we've been talking a lot about like mental health. We've been having those kind of conversations about our insights outside guy care. You gotTa Take Care of the mind body and spirit and I like just because you're outside looks well doesn't mean you're site is doing well exactly which leads me to number three, which is laugh or smile I it's hard to force a laugh but maybe watch something. Funny. I don't know Appreciation and gratitude when you just sit down and think about the things you appreciate I think it automatically uplift your mood. America's US think about maybe right at our think about a few things you appreciate insure your gratitude towards it. affirmations to amazing to lift up your mood. Amazing drink water I am very bad at drinking water but our bodies are made up like sixty seventy percent of water. So drinking water is a good thing as well. It's another also, I'm doing something good for my body type of feeling just like the healthy. Get some Sun Sun has vitamin D. you guys I can't tell you how crucial vitamin D is. I didn't know because I live in Phoenix that I was lacking vitamin D and I had a vitamin D because my dad told me to he's like that could be a cause of. Filling. In the subway because I'm vitamin D deficient even though I live in Phoenix and I will say, okay. So body and dude you guys. Amazing results you I would've never thought I had tried so many supplements, vitamins, other, Shit, and Oh my God andy had made me feel amazingly better. Yes. Before you get into your next thing I do want to let them know and Amanda No as well that there is a lamp that you can buy in. It's his bright lay. That kind of gives you what the Sun would give you like make you feel that way because in colder states like Montana Alaska a lot of people have depression due to the weather so they sell these labs that will help with. Yeah. So it's not like good. Old Son you guys get some Sun Cook Cook Cook is fine like try a new recipe exercise. It gets going. I will admit though that when all of at my most depress our go to the gym to try to do this one and I would still feel. So down on myself I didn't want like the gym had people in it and it's kind of when I had social anxiety problems and like I wouldn't want to be around people and then I don't know. I don't know. So I don't know if you have that particular like the social anxiety like I had for minute workout exercise at home or whatever taking a walk walks always helps makes yourself scorching hot outsider freezing fucking gold. Meditate. In Detox and cleanse. That's another thing of you're doing something good for your body dream building. So look up stuff that you want that you're you're reaching for and make a dream board or something So dream building a super important, get a massage. Even if you know, it might be a little pricier whatever set aside some money self care get a fucking massage because you're you're you come out of their film. Amazing. That's what I think I'm doing for myself with the vacation. It's not necessarily a massage, but it's a vacation like I'm getting away from the environment that I'm in, which isn't a bad environment but. I'm like I need to have some fun I need to get out that like young person again when I wasn't having these these all of these issues so. Like I think that that's also important like doing a little vacation like Self Cairns. So important like I would always go when I was living in Arizona I would do so many trips a year up to sedona Arizona, which is a very spiritual place wonderful weather and it's all about like you do you go on hikes where there's like vortexes which is supposed to have energy it was such a fucking light healer you guys at shut healed me so much and then lastly is like paint DIY projects or Garden Hobbies like things like like even if you're not good at painting, I, you saw always Pantley just whatever the fuck was even good at it, but it was just so fucking therapeutic when I would do it. You guys such an important thing or have a garden or something you're growing you know or DIY project like it's fun and just get your mind off things when you feel like you completed something when you're done like even with us, I, think doing this podcast really helps does like mentally because we're so like. Love doing this podcast like we love doing it and it gets her like minds like we're out of our heads when we're doing this like we're focusing on these other things that I think just like really going for a hobby and doing something that you have a passionate like it may not pay, but it just really helps you like it makes. You feel happy like I do my nails and it takes me a while to do them because I'm extra. You know. So it takes me a while and like I'll play a youtube video or I'll listen to a podcast and it just helps you get out of your head and be focused on something else. Exactly. So you guys that's my list. That's. My story without going incredibly on all my stuff. That's just the gist of what I was going through and why it caused such a fucking one eighty and my personality because I was the happiest most bubbly rated smartest kid in the and then went to like e- mode oppressive introverted ass girl and like I'm trying to fight my way back to. Who originally was and I finding like a nice middle in between like Amanda and I are very much introverts and it's so weird because we started a podcast or like a ton of people listen to us yet where we can be so fucking introverted but I think we're both trying to work on that well, I need to be on this it's introvertedly Like I can be x-rayed. It's not like I. Don't have the ability to do it. I have the complete ability to talk to people and carry on a great conversation and be fun and be outgoing. It depends on my mood less the problem how happy I am my mood all just being mood or I just WanNa talk to anybody and that seems to like. I prefer on the I lake as an introvert though as a natural introvert, there's only so much social. what social interaction that I can withstand before I have to go recharge my battery. So that's my thing is like I can't I I don't thrive to be around people constantly socializing I need time to myself to breathe a recharge my battery before I can go back out, but I can be extroverted and sociable as if I personally choose to so. If anybody has ever met me and I was interested because I was nominated film like it. Sorry. I. Feel a lot of people take it personally when it's like you don't really talk to them or you're not talking a lot is just like you're just not in the mood and it's so weird because I think we're so alike like we're so different yet. So ally. And it's like we're both we kind of have the same personalities where like like in high school we hung out with each other. We didn't really talk to to any people. Yeah. Like we kept our close friends but like it's not the type where you're friends with everybody, it's like It's like we just had like our group of close friends that we stuck around and like we called home and we just stayed with that and that's Kinda. How I am to this day like I have to have like the Glue Group of close friends and I love like all still socialize with other people but. I keep that tight knit group that I trust and it's hard to like enter into that. You know like I already have my group like I'm definitely open for people to entering. It's like a slow process like when it comes also show the podcast like we love hearing from our listeners like we love that we love interacting with you guys like please like messages comment whatever like we're therefore that like we love that show, but it just comes to like in person sometimes. Like the people that we know it's more like other people that are brought into war. We're at where it's like like they're not my friends I don't really interact. So it's just Kinda like weird. Yeah. Yeah, and it just it just I guess it depends on the mood that that's some things like some people I get weirded out by me like bill meet one time and I'm like really actually like having such a good time talking with them like loud and like you know life of the Party and boom the next time they meet me I'm like super introverted and they're like what the fuck is I of my polar and I'm sorry is just like depression and hormonal problems those are. All as I don't mean. Sonny, WE'RE GONNA go ahead and get into a confession while it's more. It's like a confessional slash question you guys. So this person wrote in an ass is abnormal that I just simply don't like sex. Super Sexual and I'm not interested in being with somebody or having sex with somebody like I'm just happy by myself with no sexual activity and no partner is just fill stress-free and better to me and I have no desire to have sex doesn't excite me is that abnormal? Have you ever felt that way? I have definitely have times where like I don't WanNa have sex but I wouldn't consider resolve sexual because I'm just horny all the time. To be completely honest, but I think that being sexual is totally okay. There's like a shit and people that are a sexual and I feel that if that's how you are, you need to be open about it because you just don't WanNa. Be Unhappy like being unhappy not as not where it's at like we have a short life. If you think about it, we've only been on this earth for twenty seven years like us yeah yeah. Like it's honestly twenty-seven years isn't nothing and you just need to be as happy as you can me, and if you're a sexual and you don't enjoy sex, that's not what you desire then don't fucking do it. Yeah. Like nobody even though society likes pressure, people ought to be relationships to get married. Have babies the whole shit don't be pressured by it just do honestly whatever's GonNa make you happy because if you pressure to do it, you're. Just probably going to end up unhappy and I've I've kind of been in scenario my life where I kind of felt the same way to in like daily life just sounds easier without somebody like life sounds honest to God easier, and then like in other times too. I'm just not feeling sexual at all. I'm like, Oh, I just don't want Dick I don't care about that Shit right now just not in the mood. So I've had I've. Had that but like in separate occasions but I think everyone's felt kind of like that before. So don't don't push it and just do want to see what's going to make you happy. Quit anybody says just ignore them ignore the hate is and Stu ever makes you happy I'm here for I. Definitely agree with that but we're going to go ahead and the episode with that. We hope that it wasn't too dark by we really wanted. Lead you guys know like what we've been discussing what we've been going through we feel that you know mental health needs to be not as stigmatized and also therapy like I was also telling Amanda that therapy should be available to everybody like imagine if you had therapy when your mother was got sick and then you know she passed away they had offered a year for free for me actually and I turned it down because it was like a group therapy thing and I was so. Antisocial like anxiety like I didn't want to go see anybody anything and I honestly felt like I was this big bad girl who could do with my mental problems by myself I was good I I didn't need help and then. A couple of years after I realized I needed help after like the opportunity for your free therapy was gone. So I missed opportunity, but it probably could have saved me years of distress. Yes. Like pro you probably wouldn't have the depression that you have were. You know who knows what could have happened by I think it's very important to just be okay with their happy like we don't know everything we like our mind. is so powerful that if you have the opportunity like if you don't have depression just like you know for anything like having somebody there to listen to you, that's not judgmental and they're professionals at this and they can like they tell you what you need and I think was most important like you don't know everything's I. Definitely think that therapy is something that should be available to everybody agreed you guys yeah. So with that. We WanNA. Remind you guys who use offer code Neuner at checkout for Adam and Eve dot com. For. Fifty percents off almost anyone ida and free shipping. So please take advantage of the offer code play around with some stuff also, like you know when you have sex get a little kinky like make your fantasies come true. You really think you're partners is gonNA WANNA do kinky show exactly guys for her birthday. I had bought her some bondage rope also along with the vibrator. So you know my girls about a get with it I told her how much I should like lit and she's never tried it. So I had to make sure she had the opportunity. Yes. So once I fly back home you best believe that I, want to be blamed, folded and tied up on that note you nurse. We hope you guys enjoyed this episode as always. Please don't forget to follow us on our INSTAGRAM's I'm at the only Shirley I'm Andrey and don't forget to follow our pockets Graham at afternoon late podcast and please go visit our website after delight podcast dot com. If you'd like to remain anonymous, please messages through there or send us any questions any topic that you guys would want us to talk about and we appreciate any feedback that you guys have for us. Thank you so much. We love you guys you guys piece. See you next week. Bye.

depression Amanda No OCD Adam Shirley intrusive thoughts partner Eve Neuner Adele Phoenix Arizona Poe US Tibbs I lake Yoga Jura youtube
Pants Extinguished: Ice Cream

Pants On Fire

12:53 min | 2 years ago

Pants Extinguished: Ice Cream

"Uh-huh. Pants on fire listeners producer, no eleven in here. The pleasure is all mine. We created pants on fire to do one thing. And one thing only to, cultivate, such a well informed. Kadre of loyal listeners that lies finding no purchase in a world of discerning truth seekers, simply vanished from the face of the earth. Unfortunately, I've come to the conclusion that not every single person on earth listens to pants on fire. How do I know? Because everywhere, I look I find lies lies and more lies. Light minis tastes just as good as the regular stuff. Nice. Try the dentist isn't trying to make you cry on purpose. Yeah. Right. Sure. Noah think you'd look good with appointive pure poppycock. And believe me, I tried my hardest to make that ponytail work. It seems that lies spun and spread faster than we hear pants on fire can bat them away. And until we achieve universal listenership all we can do is try our humble best. Which is why we bring you. Extinguish? On every installment of pants extinguished. We bid good riddance to the liar from last week's program and with the help of Deborah Goldstein son, by we learn more facts from the troops telling expert this, of course comes with spoiler. If you have not listened to last week's episode about ice cream, I'd advise you to plug your ears scream, bloody murder and throw your mobile device out the window. So that you don't have the result of last week's show ruined for you before you've had a chance to guess it yourself. Oh, and if your device has a pause function that will work to you have three seconds. Jenny Dundas of blue marble ice cream joins us in the studio to serve up some creamy delicious, and yet somehow calorie free truth about everyone's favorite summer treat. Enjoy. So we are back in the booth to learn more about ice cream with Jenny and with Lisa and Levi. Hey, so I could talk about ice cream all day long. How you lead by agreed. Agreed. What's your employment? What's your what's your favorite ice mind? Waverly clip sleep five favorite flavor. Is I'd go with mint chocolate. Chip. I like flavor a lot. How about you? Lisa. Oh, you said you like the copper lead anything that families? Do they make those flavors at blue marble, Johnny? We don't we don't have any mechanical inspire flavors marketing, you're missing. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? You know, it changes all the time. I'm I love a great vanilla. And but that's kind of a boring answer. So I we just simple vanilla. A couple of delicious flavors. I served last night at a party one was Marcona almond almond ice cream with delicious salty, Marcona almonds, and then another which is the concord grapes flavor. And that was so good New York state concrete. Wow. Yeah. And you are the only certified organic ice cream shop in New York City. We are. Yeah. Wow. So what does that entail? You have to get a the board to certify you would. It means is that everything in our ice cream is certified organic that we get audited every year, and they come in the inspect all of our purchasing records, and they inspect our plant physically. And they just, you know, make sure that everything we're saying is an ice cream is really in the ice cream. But that I'll come. Yeah. Any ice cream flavor? Tasters? Worked for the government to work for that. You'd you would what I get free ice cream. If I worked there if you worked at blue marble. Yeah. If you if you worked at blue marvel you'll get free ice cream, but not unlimited amount actually cap it at a serving per shift. I'm so they're in. Yeah. It's so what's the most popular flavor at blue marble? Well, let me just think people, of course, love Manila, they love cookies and cream. They love a we did this this beautiful flavor called blue the blue marble, and it's supposed to look like the planet earth. When you when you scoop it it's a blue. It's it's colored with a natural butterfly pea flour. So it's the ground up, and it's this beautiful blue, and it has swirled organic marshmallow fluff and swirled peanut butter. So when you scoop it looks like the earth, you're putting butterfly pea in your ice cream. Yeah. I know it doesn't sound that appetito. But it sounds looks super cool. And that's probably what the earth tastes like if it were like. And it makes me hungry. Just about that sounds delicious. Liquid nitrogen thing I have not done. I have not done that. But I'll tell you about another of my favorite flavors is called bread and roses, and it's delicious is a rose as Kremlin with vanilla shortbread, and we came out without for right around the women's March and for a national Women's Day, or because it was named after this poem Bredon roses, which was it was beautiful palm written in. I think nineteen seventeen or something around the women's labor movement. And they said we must have bread, but we must also have roses. So the idea is that even people working hard and toiling they need to have bread to eat. But they also have to enjoy their lives. I love that. Yes. Wow. Flavors. Yeah. I would eat it just for what it stands for. Exactly, what does it taste like it's delicious food. Wallonie? And children love it. Because it's pink. They've got the pink. And then you have the blue earth. Exactly. Yeah. That sounds delicious so ice cream. It's good for you. Right. I think ice cream gets a bad rap ice cream. Does get a bad rap. I say all good things in moderation gross. I would prefer, and I I'm not a scientist, and I'm not a nutritionist. But I would say I would rather have something that's made of real ingredients pure natural ingredients. And have it be a fuller fat product, then have something that's overly processed in made out of with chemicals in it. And you know, because there's some ice creams now that are popular, but they're made with things that aren't really they're just not real food ingredients. And they trick our taste buds into thinking that they are. But I'd rather have the real thing me too. If you can make your own ice cream flavor. What would you make? And what would it look like? Well, I really love peanut butter, and I really love fun. So do you not better, fetch maybe like peanut butter ice cream with fudge? Oh, yeah. But the thing is I kinda can make any ice cream I lake so we do actually have a butter ice cream with chocolate like talk confetti, you take the hot fudge. And it just when you when it hits the cold ice cream. It splits into little tiny pieces. It's called peanut butter. Chocolate confetti power. I think of a flavor, and then I make it. Yeah. Pretty much using the ice cream. Could you make like an ice cream sculpture? Well, it would have to stay really cold because the thing about ice cream is it's different from ice. If you if you can take ice in you can make a sculpture with it, right because it trays really cold and one of the reasons that you can do that with is that it's solid. It doesn't have air in it when you have ice cream, one of the important components of ice cream is actually air. And so because of that it means that it does start to melt much more quickly than ice does at a ambient temperature. So that would be difficult to do. I think is there a sculpture you were imagining in your mind Lee, my like a giant dragon ADR an ice cream dragon. Yeah. Burning out chocolate syrup. Ooh. What flavor you most proud of? That's a good. I'm very proud of our much green tea ice cream because it's delicious, it's divine. I think and it's a very simple flavor, and it's going to beautiful green color, and it's the only ingredient that goes into it is just the pure green tea powder. That's completely natural. And that creates the color that creates the flavor, and I love that. Because it's a great example of nature giving us everything we need. We don't need to throw in any artificial colors. We don't need to throw in any artificial flavors. So that's really really great. I'm proud of that wonderful. I'm definitely going to eat that good. What you think is the future for ice cream? Well, I do think that the liquid nitrogen crazes is onto something. I think that it's a really fun and creative way to make ice cream very very quickly. And you can also do inspired flavors without having to have. Lots of it on hand, you can just make it according to what people want right in the moment. So I think that's probably here to stay. And I think that the the low fat kind of high protein ice-cream craze is maybe going to wane a little bit. I think that that's seen a a big moment in the last year. But I think that that may prove to be a fad and to be perfectly honest. I I'm betting the house on organic organic ingredients. The we that's why I do it. I mean, I put my whole life into it. So obviously, I believe that that's something that's going to stay around. I think that consumers are really caring about what they put in their bodies. And they don't mind fat as much as they used to. But I think that we're gonna see overtime a more sustained commitment to organic and higher quality food sourcing. But it's going to take awhile. I mean, I think that and that's why I don't think organic is just a fad. I think it's a it's more of a slow. Slow change in agriculture nece, low change in the way, that people are are are eating really people are realizing more and more. That disease is connected to what we put in our bodies. Yes. Very true. No, that's not a fun ice cream. Bummer flavor. Is there any miss or lies you like to clear off about ice cream? I think the miss that. I'd like to debunk is that you can have really high quality ice cream and have it at a cheap price. Also when you see an ice cream. That's that's the price point that you want look at the ingredients, and you'll see that there are fillers and the are artificial ingredients in there, and the reason that those fillers and artificial ingredients are in there is so that they can keep the price point down. And that's what makes people think, oh, we'll ice cream is cheap in it should be cheap. But as a matter of fact, it really when you when you get a really quality product, you are going to have to pay a little bit more for it. And it's because of what's going into the ice cream. You get what you pay for pretty much. Yeah. Giving good ice cream at a reasonable price. Exactly. Good. That is excellent. That's all the time. We have thank you so much for telling us all about. The kind of ice cream. You have an the kind of good that you do for earth in the world. It's been really a pleasure. And thank you. Lisa Levi for your questions. You'll was comes thank him incredibly grateful for those the lots of samples you're about to say, thank you stay here until we get all the samples. Thank you for having. I on he's some direction ice cream. So I know where to go. I don't know what that means. Okay. Great. Well, and eat it's under were to go. Well, I'll tell you where to go. If you want to learn more about us, follow us on Instagram at blue marble vk or you can beat about us on our website blue model ace cream dot com. Pants on fire is a production of gen Z media online at best robot ever dot com. You can check out other great Kinsey podcasts there. Plus, you can learn how to become a participant on this one and submit questions for Lisa to answer on ask. Lisa follow us on social media at pants on fire cast for behind the scenes photos in more true facts, forge Enzi media. No eleven Bill CNN.

blue marble Lisa Levi Jenny Dundas Deborah Goldstein producer Noah New York City murder gen Z media New York Manila I lake Bill CNN scientist Johnny Lee