17 Burst results for "Gower"
"gower" Discussed on The Unmistakable Creative Podcast
"It I had also lost my my job which was fairly common there. You would all like the leader to shake things up pretty regularly. I have been shaken up pretty recently. Moved gotta my job and had no had no role with the org so that the combination of like my girlfriend really hating the bedbugs and saying we have to get the hell out of here and me. Not having a role meant that we. We rented another space. We just found another space and we we let her room actually from somebody. It another part of town and when i moved out i thought oh i'll stay. Involved was a workshop that weekend. It's like oh. I'll come support the workshop and what i found is that as i moved out or as i got away from the group and started interacting more with other people. I was also kind of looking for work at the time because i lost my role in the oregon and had no income. And no you know. I was paying trying to pay rent and i was pretty broke and trying to figure stuff out. So he's interacting more and more was reawakening old friendships. And i think it slowly dawned on me that i had been in a really weird place like it had been various. It was a very strange place like and it didn't make me feel very good. And i didn't wanna go back there. I didn't really think of it in terms of call to the time i didn't know much about called psychology. At the time i'd i never really call it a cult seriously until about two or three years after i left but So me and this woman. We left together. I eventually found some other work. And it really i. I still maintain some loose associations with some people who are not in the leadership of the org for a little while. And then i realized for myself that i really needed to break off all contact. I should say that at this point two is where the stress went through the roof and so I also broke up with the girl that this woman Fairly soon after leaving our relationship didn't survive. Our friendship.
"gower" Discussed on 600 WREC
"Gower. Smith has an interesting background that that through a whole bunch of technical jobs wound him up wound him into the airport vending machine business. Now that is a business that is that is so at least to me slowly crept up at airports to become more sophisticated, have more offerings. Gower Smith is the CEO and co founder of Swift Incorporated. And he knows a lot about vending machines because he puts a lot of them in airports for a lot of companies. Our welcome to the show. Thanks. Ready? So shadow you. I mean, I was reading this U. S. A today piece about the increase in inventing machines that the salads in a jar puffer coats, cupcakes, shaving Kit's center. Bose headphones cosmetics. You would like to sell all bird shoes and unique loco clothing items, right? All right s so how do you How do you do this? You do You go to airports and negotiate getting them in. Do you go to the suppliers? Do you do all that work and just Put it right there in the airport with everything in it. Well, it's a combination. We have a couple of dozen awesome brands and categories of products with soul not only in airports but other channels, and then it's a matter of beating with the airport to bring them. He's a great experience with these incredible products and a very efficient light. So it's a combination of the brands and the whole contracts. What do you think accounts for the increased popularity and increased reprint of these vending machines at airports? Well, we started in about 2000 and.
"gower" Discussed on Good Life Project
"Good happens in the intellectual brain when we're emotionally lit up stuff. Like that. But we take. A much deeper greater responsibility for. How. We're showing up physically to these conversations so I think actually like having these intentional conversations over the last several years has helped me in some ways rewire my nervous system over time it's become like a new rewiring. So it's almost like you start to realize that the inevitable outcome. Of. These things that you might have experienced as doom and gloom before is like, Oh, I can go to that place. But it with a different context and it's it's actually going to be okay. which may it's it's almost like a form of exposure therapy. You live through something and you're like, Oh, I can live through that again. That's. That's And I guess when you approach it with like okay. So with a set of rules or or framework with the natural approach. Where you you understand that the the core of the dynamic is replicable. It probably gives you a certain amount of service psychological bedrock. To Go back to that place morale as well. Yeah I. Think you've both actually said the same thing in different ways you were just mentioning it Alex and we're talking about the you help the child calm down and then you have the conversation later. Yet you have the conversation later right? You know because I think the tendency is like Oh the child's calm now. So now, I don't have to deal with now and now I'm not gonNA deal with anything and so there is a part of self care and awareness, which is that in that enlightened piece, which is you know it's like going to the gym I know if I exercise three times a week that my life is better even though I don't necessarily WanNa go an exercise three times a week right like and just like the the difficult conversations I know that my and this is something I mean from we've got together In let's say I was in middle age you weren't quite there yet but. We're late we all we ted significant relationships and one of our sort of early rules was we can talk about anything. and. There were several conversations especially early on as we were getting to know each other in the first couple of years of relationship where. I was like this might end. This little thing that I'm feeling this thing that I'm having and my tendency had been in other relationships to actually just bury that thing. Well, it's not upright now. So I'm just not going to worry about you know it's sort of like this nagging little thing. So it's not really worth bringing out. And I think what I, what I learned, and maybe some of hopefully we've captured in this book is no it's actually now is the time like I m feeling calm. And there is this thing that was nagging me before I. Know Enough about myself to know that when I'm low blood sugar and have had a glass of wine and tired later on that this is gonNA come out and it's going to come out in some kind of nasty way or something from less than kind way. Some way that I don't intend. So now is the time to bring this up and now it's time to have that conversation and I. Think a lot of our intent with this book. One of the reasons 'cause clearly, we're creating this like structured linear four step process for a very non linear, very organic thing which is you know emotional resonance with another human being essentially. And so one of the reasons we have this is because when you have steps is just more likely to happen. If going back to the Jim Metaphor, if I have a trainer and a spreadsheet who's told me that you know one day a week, I'm going to be doing upper body and it's GonNa consist of these exercises. In this many Reps. I'm far more likely to make it to the gym when I look at that spreadsheet than I am because I have sort of linear process rather than saying, Oh, you should move more you should exercise some. which kind raised around to the question that I wanted to ask, and then we'll. We'll kind of come full circle, which is an and I think bobby usurp planted that seed, which is you wrote this book when he shared originally you both had an intention when you decide to sit down and write desert baton rouge project together do something cool. It's good for marketing it'll help people but that that last thing you know when you create effectively a toolbox for conversation and you offer it out to the world at this moment in time, do you both have a bigger in? Around what you would love It to enable I'M GONNA point to a few real world examples from friends and clients and raiders that. I mean, this might be the first time in might the slick a twenty twenty year my career here this might be the first time where people keep saying oh my gosh. This is really helping me with some really tough stuff. And people are having. Conversations that they otherwise would never have had or would lead to more problems. In marriages and on business teams and in families. And just hearing their feedback. that. Oh..
"gower" Discussed on Good Life Project
"But then you're like, you know what but you add them up over the course of a day or a week or dozens of times in different different types of things and it ends up. Leading up to the big fractures and very often it ends up all coming out in one explosive laundry list of every wrong. That has ever been done and every violation that's ever been made, and whereas if you sort of and maybe that's something to touch down on here is the notion that where on the one hand you're saying set the stage Yelich, create the time like say, okay, make sure that it's an appropriate time for you. All parties involved actually have this conversation and that you're ready you're prepared but at the same time have it you know. Don't just because it's not the right time you know if somebody's like well, it's never gonNa be right time where they keep blowing it off it benesch piles into like a big night explosive mess. That's one of the reasons why I avoided tough conversations from most of my life because in my family of origin tough conversations or important topics meant it was going to evolve into a fight that you then had to be prepared to relitigate every past. Wrong. So like everything was on the table and what we're asking people to do in this structure conversation is we're GonNa talk about this topic. It really clear when you set the stage I, WanNa talk about this thing together and it's something that you can keep coming back. Right? It's like it's like a conversation of meditation like. We're talking about this. That's an important topic like let's have that conversation. Another time we agreed we're going to talk about this thing here, and that is so calming. Like Oh, I don't have to somehow defend my entire. Since in the space of this one conversation, I know what we're talking about here. And and talking about entering a conversation, prioritizing the relationship over or at least equal to the topic under discussion. Like saying that we want that I want to come out of this with a good relationship whether or not maybe even decide that. Oh. This thing that we were getting together, we really shouldn't do it because you know we're our goals are relatively different our attitudes arelatively different but preserves the relate that can preserve the relationship potentially as well. But we all one of the things we think about is got men's four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse right and I think what you're describing Jonathan is like when I'm pent up. You know like I'm much more likely to if I if I haven't expressed a boundary, it's much more likely to come out expressed as criticism of the other person, right? You know like if I have expressed boundary of. Say I you know I want to go to bed at a certain time. You know and I, I don't know like. And somebody else kind of violates that or calls me late all the time. You always call me late. You're always the kind of person who you know rather than expressing the boundary. Front. then. It's much more likely to be expressed in a way that the other person can kind of hear. Friday is supported by ship.
"gower" Discussed on Good Life Project
"And I wonder new when when you think about that e, what would it take for me to be in a room with five other people around the table who are fast or loud or extroverted and feel like I have contributed what I need to contribute and I think it's really interesting to think about like what would it take if one of the measures are really high function is equal time what would it take for me in that room to feel like I could contribute equal time I actually don't know the answer to that. But now I I want to spend some time thinking about it I'm the same I need to. I need to think things through and we we both have pretty strong morning journaling practices. And part of why I do that it helps me get clear it helps me sift through but I actually use the intentions, concerns, boundaries and dreams myself. By myself before I have a conversation with somebody else. Recommend that a lot with clients like. You know you wanNA, talk about X. With so and so. Think about these four things for yourself about the topic, and then share the intentions, concerned boundaries and remains with them. And think about it in advance if you sell some time with these four buckets yearly one thing they'll do with teams especially now that we're everything is remote you know like all of our work is remote We've been using more digital tools for this, but we'll get people give them two minutes or three minutes to journal on the just to get the ideas out, and we'll use a virtual post it note board and just all the ideas go up and even anonymous we just did it with a team of like. Sixty people doing in national sales team, and so they got you know so they were able to get all the ideas out, and then what happens is people see that other people actually have the same as they. They see themselves reflected in what's coming out, and then they begin to feel a little more comfortable as you were. You're talking about that Jonathan. I realized like identify and I don't identify with how you what you're saying because like when I first come into a group. I tend to be extremely quiet and it can go on for months sometimes can go on for a very very long time and I've and I'm remembered happening on a few occasions where people were then all of a sudden something click in I don't know what it is exactly but also only feel comfortable and then I'll start joking I'll start making right comment know like my personality like people actually have described as the my personality has suddenly changed like no actually I'm just I think I just felt safe enough now to bring out a certain part of myself and now I just had this hypothesis I'd love to to prove it or loved I'm not pay attention to it. That I think going through this intentions, concerns, boundaries and dreams exercise may speed that up for me right because all because now I'm hearing from other people day feel safer because I know more about them I have more data. and. I see myself reflected in some of that data I'm like Oh they share my concerns, share my dreams we share our intentions so I identify with them a little bit more. And I've also been able to get some of my own some of myself out. Could you know there's nagging thoughts that I've been just to myself all that time I've been quiet. Instead of keeping to the myself now out and now I can move on. Now I can kind of let myself calling up the I love that I mean if it's if it becomes a tool to or process that allows you to show up more quickly authentic way I mean that's a win for everybody unless you are authentic way is really offensive but let's work on these Gillette it's not for now. We haven't related the idea of the dream side of it also, I think is really interesting because a lot of times where you come into conversation and you kind of have a sense, it may be an argument it may be hard. There's there's a topic that that one of the fears is very lightly and I'm curious because you guys have now experiences both personally and with so many different groups that one. Of the big fears is that one person's dream, the other person's dream is basically to win and that doesn't mean when you over necessarily, it just means to dominate or maybe it's to lever maybe it's to end the relationship or the project or whatever may be whereas they may actually show up and like what they really want is like, can we just get this behind us so that we can like we can. Get back on a harmonize page and really do good work again. But if you never, if you're not explicit about that, I would imagine a wreaks havoc. So much I'm so much agreeing with you right. That's gotta the missing conversation that one of the the potential missing conversations that we're talking about. It yeah. You you might discover that you're not in alignment. Or this should we shouldn't move forward on this relationship or this project but ultimately, why dreams is so important and what we see most of the time. Is that. I mean we we put dreams at the end because it brings you back together. We encourage people like share your dreams for you and for the other person and for each other, and it's almost like a meta meditation. You start moving it out for the world that will be impacted by this decision for our family et Cetera, and when you hear somebody else's dreams unless their dreams. Are Really Dark which I've never experienced personally. You, what the other person's dreams for them like Oh, I want you to have that too. And then you want my dreams to happen for me, and then we release oxytocin together and then we're connected again, we've gotten through the concerns we got through the tough stuff. But I'll like there there are these generative gross filled energies that we can then like attached to to move forward together. It's it's really inspiring to hear each other's dreams. The dreams can even be. For us you know like I dream that our relationship is deeper through this experience or that we come out stronger team or better as thinking about when I think one of the first time we were really using this was we live in New York. City where there are a lot of like cocktail parties that you can go to and we have our introverted moments, we have our extroverted moments. And sometimes they coincide and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they lined up and sometimes you know you're at an event and one person wants to go and the other person doesn't, and so that happened enough times that on the way to events, we would start talking like well, I have a dream that will be. There will be happier as a couple on the other side of this, which has resulted in a new boundary or a new agreement, which is you can go home without me and that's total. He finds like nobody needs to get impatient with anybody else and tomorrow morning we will feel like now now, my dream is the tomorrow morning when we wake up a really good or we're in the cab going home and we feel really good but maybe we're going separately maybe that's fine. I love that little symbol things like that. Feel like, Oh, well, that's kind of silly..
"gower" Discussed on Good Life Project
"Sleep. Alex you. You brought up this idea setting the stage which I think is really interesting. Just saying instead of you know if there's an issue that you know you need to address instead of just doing it right then and there. Do it in a way where the setting is constructive. You guys also talked about really creating some sort of structure for the conversation itself. When it happens, it's idea of intentions concerns, boundaries, dreams. You can talk to me about that structure. Yeah. We'll even before you go into those four pieces of a conversation, which by the way, most people don't have structured conversations so to even bring it up or by somebody intuit, it can feel a little. Strange the first couple times, but how you invite someone into a conversation Can really be so transformative in. It's like the last thing anybody wants to hear as we need to talk, we need to talk now right? Nothing good is coming after that sentence. And it really is, Hey, can we coin talk about X.? Later this weekend. I'd like to talk about this with you. At a later date or do you have time now to talk about this? Do you have space and capacity for this? That's actually something that my some of my friends and I have agreed to in our text chain and we don't use it as an emotional dumping ground. Because people are real. Their lives are full and they have stresses and but we ask Permission First I K- Does anybody have space for me to to hop on a phone call or can we have a private text about this thing I extremely respectful like immediately sets the tone. Instead of in me invading your space with the topic where you come into a space together about something. And then for the steps themselves in one of the ways we think about it is missing conversations that. Often when there's conflict and persistent conflict among people. That it's because there's some either information missing. Is. Sometimes. Missing Conversation is. Good by you know like that, this is not we're just not aligned and we never will be but more often than not there's some sort of missing nuance to the. Or some missing information. So when we talk about intentions, concerns boundaries in dreams. What we're really trying to do is get out all of the it's called the sort of high stakes thinking or the high impact name quite saying it's more like the emotional like like the stuff that feels really important to us. So for instance. When we started to write the book together we had the conversation about forgetting because we never done business together. We only been in a you know romantic and intimate partnership, and we'd really both had bad experience in the past. combining the two and we were like, let's let's not do this, and then when the book became sort of the next thing to do it sort of came up as like, oh, it seems like this is really the wisest thing to do. We wanted to do it very deliberately. So, we sat down and we were talking about our intentions. Intentions were really easy. You know we want to. Write. A book because it's it's good for business and it helps us get our thinking. It might be fun to create something together. You know that's really really simple but then concerns you know that's where we all get crazy right like. Humans, we just have such a strong negativity bias is certainly raised in a household where worry was kind of one of the one of the predominant activities Say like fifty to eighty percent of the conversation around the dinner table was worry of some kind and so worry where I go very very quickly and what was really kind of fun is we just sort of got our worries out and we both had the same way which was that this was going to lead to divorce and which end divorce was going to lead to. You know dying alone under a bridge you know living in a van maybe not living van but like like some sort of all, my fears end up there by the way. On dying under a bridge that's where every year end yeah and then, but it was really. To make space for that without having. Because like that, that kind of fear will come up in burnt in a mind. And as soon as it comes up, you're like, well, I can't say that because that sounds because it makes me sound like an idiot but it was really really when you create space to say that to say that to each other then you can kind of celebrated you can kind of dissipate it. You know a friend of ours neuroscientist talks about when we speak things and. Then, there's something about our brain hearing them, which actually changes the way changes our mission in a significant way. It actually sues that thing that there is something about bringing it out and so when we talk about intentions, concerns, boundaries and dreams, we're just gathering information we're not saying, Oh, I, had this concerning. We'd better do something about it. When I'm saying is I have this concern. That's all I'm saying one of the things we've come to see is so important and anytime we share this, we offer this as such a we hope it such a gift well received that when you share your fears with each. Even if my fear involves you. I'm not like blaming you were we agree to not take our fears personally. Like I'm not saying you're going to do this or that you're fundamentally flawed because I have a fear about you in some way like our brains come up with bizarre fears and worries. And it's not your fault that I have a fear about you or that somehow involves you. And so it really does create this sense of what's called Psychological Safety I. Oh, I have a safe place with my partner with not more I can share my fears. And then I feel so much calmer because my fears have been witnessed, my brain can now like check that off. And I'm still a part of the group and still loved I'm still accepted data so. That so different from the first thirty, five years of my life. Yeah I mean the the notion of safety because when I first read those four things, intentions, concerns, boundaries, dreams, and immediately membrane just translated that a safety lake. It wasn't even a conscious just like, oh, so you create safety because in my mind nothing happens without that or nothing valuable happens without that plenty of destructive things happen without it. But if something valuable happens without I, think it's Kinda dumb luck and fairly rare. But with it. It's sort of like you created the the container, the context for really powerful and often really hard things to happen simultaneously that that have a net positive outcome. Yeah. The the beauty of this conversation, a structure conversation like this where you feel safe that you're developing empathy for each other. Even with someone or you are diametrically opposed on something that feels emotional and high stakes you can reconnect and feel like I understand where you're coming I. Don't have to agree with how you feel what you think but I I see you. I feel you as a person again, and that's what allows us to maintain relationships even if we are disagreeing about something. In that sense of safety, right? Feeling witnessed feeling seen feeling like I can share my authentic self like what I, what I really feel and what I really think. US thinking also about the the next piece, which is boundaries. You know the way boundaries I think have shown for the first like thirty thirty or forty years of my life. It was I have a boundary and you better respect it. You know like it was sort of like almost like petulant child you know like I have a boundary you know and it was usually only expressed after somebody had violated across it shown like they were going to and I needed to somehow prove that I was like it was almost like. A Macho petulant child Macho Nina stance like I'm GONNA show you. I'm strong by showing you that I have this boundary and instead we really try to frame the conversation of what do you need. You know like what do you need to feel safe? What do you need to feel at your best and it becomes an exploration and I think in personal relationships this is really powerful. The we do this, we do a lot of this work with professional groups to. And it's it's amazing. How often that question has just never been asked you know here you are on a on a team, which is which is supposed to be high performing, and yet you've never really asked each other. What.
"gower" Discussed on Good Life Project
"That was really appropriate to ask for it to like hold on. Let's let's examine how we're communicating here and that required a pause. Yours thinking about it's sort of like the relationship to truth as you you're as you're both talking. One, I've sort of stepped out of relationships with people that you're describing Jonathan. WHO JUST WANT TO ARGUE? And I think this may be two different reasons. One is I know people who are just contrarian and really they just kind of enjoy the game and they enjoy the there's they sort of just take pleasure in things getting kind of stirred up up which I don't and. And I think there's another side which sort of when you look at our legal system. The idea is that Is Going to beat the hell out of each other side and then one side is going to win. And be happy and one side is going to lose and suffer, and that's how we find the truth of the matter. That's how justices serve. That's how I mean that seems to be sort of the underlying the in the in litigation. That's like the underlying philosophy. But I think what we're talking about and I think the kinds of relation to the kinds of conversations that I prefer maybe. We may come from very very different angles, very strong, different opinions and very strong different mindsets and ideologies. But the goal is to have a relationship with the person on the other side and actually do something with them to reach some kind of sense of alignment whether or not. We disagree now it could be that we're going to disagree and commit because we work with a lot of. Business teams that you have one person loses in feels really bad. They can sabotage the project in a variety of very subtle ways which we've seen I've seen over and over again, they can quit which you have to bring somebody else back in. And also, they may be bringing some really vital perspective. that. If we just shut that person down shut that person up, keep that person from, and we then miss out on. We just don't. We don't get their brain we don't get there being. On the problem anymore. So I think. When I think about difficult conversations are the kind that I care about. Because there's so many different kinds of conversations I've classify difficult but the ones that I want to engage in are the ones that have purpose to them like Alex and I may argue about. Everything from personal to professional to unify the direction of the business to direction of the family to where you know. But we're committed to each other you know like we're going to be together. So we have to figure this thing out and we have to come to some kind of agreement, and so it's okay to lose in quotation marks from time to time. You know I don't have to get everything everything. I want because what I want ultimately is for the relationship to be vital and healthy and for the relationship to move forward. Yeah I think having that melons is something that sometimes is not the easiest thing to access is. Say like. What's really going on here and at the end of the day? Who who had the coach who I want to be right or do I want to be happy? I and it's probably not the exact quote, but it's it's. Part of the idea also and I wonder you know in the context of meeting up with somebody who just loves to argue or debate for the sport of it, and there's no malice they're also it's just they're fun whether one of the things if you're not that person, you know if you WanNa have hard conversations for the purpose of true resolution weather being able to identify whether the person the other side of the conversation as quickly as possible is in it for using your language debate or discourse becomes a pretty mission critical skill. That, sometimes, you don't figure out until you're in the conversation to you know. I recently. Actually I won't name the person that you know somebody who I've known for years who I've tried different times to do professional. We just you know we we share a love of each other we share love certain ideas. And then after a while, I realized that they liked to destabilize everything that we were doing on a very regular basis that was kind of fun and I was like that's you know and they're very successful like it's like they create things just realize like I don't think we are going to create anything either I'm not going to. Create something great. But I'm not going to have fun doing it and that's important to me. Or we're just never going to create anything together because I keep trying to create form and you keep trying to create discord or chaos. Yeah we've got these basic ground rules that we discovered. We were using with each other that we have found. So important in those conversations out there in the world and we we shorthand is setting the stage. But. It's like, when are we going to talk and what are we talking about an what state are we showing up to the conversation and to what end are we talking white like why is it important to both of us to have this conversation and most people aren't used to having that level of clarity before you get into a topic Like Hey, can we talk about this topic on Saturday? One we've both eaten..
"gower" Discussed on The Art of Charm
"How was your day well? Many of us will feel like I. Don't really care you. Don't care right. How's Your Day? Because it seems to me like you're in a rotten mood, would at least. Least draw me into explaining why and a rotten mood and being a little more forthright and I think many of us when we're trying to change other people, we only look at their actions and their behaviors and go. Okay, you know there's gotta be some trick here. Some tactic that I can use and we don't realize that oftentimes especially our children are following our lead. Johnny said I think is so key here. It's creating the space for him to feel comfortable to express himself further and emotionally. That's really important. And I didn't learn this growing up. It was a struggle that I had and I brought into relationships in college, and beyond where I, never really expressed my feelings, and I was never given time in my family to express my feelings. Feelings. It was my dad's way, or the highway was often the way a win. So there is no point in arguing or expressing it, but of course as I got older and realize no, there are a lot of people in my life that need to know my feelings, because they wanna have a good relationship with me I just never really fell to had that space. So I think you know what what we're all saying here. And obviously what the aim method is about as creating that space and many of us aren't taking the time and many of us aren't explaining our intentions clear enough, so the other person feels safe in that environment in that space, and you know that's why I love your method, and that's why I think it's so powerful, not for teams or companies, but families like Jason to really create that space for his son to grow and blossom. Next question we have here. Someone is struggling with a boss who doesn't take their feedback well. My boss is often asking for open feedback, but never takes it well, defensiveness or plainly, enduring are kind of the best outcomes even worse, it can also turn into passive aggressiveness. The entire team is picked up on this by now, and there's no way any of us are going to say anything anymore. In fact, it's become a sad running gag for us by now to say well, we'll just have to make sure we tell the boss any idea how to solve this. By the way I said because he is the top Poncho the so there's no chance of taking this further up the hierarchy. Thank you, concern coder. Man. I'm just GONNA. Go in kind of a weird direction with this because it's just personal for me. Because I've been in this position, many many many times and one of the things that I've had to learn as a matter just talking about this with some colleagues today is that you know early in my career I was trying to like make myself more round to fit in the round hole that found right. You know being the square person and then. And then I started looking for like square holes, and making myself more square to fit in that whole, and then I realized that there's really one of the reasons I'm. Out On my own now is because there's really like sort of shaped all right, and that ninety really kind of craft my own career so i. think what I would ask. This person and I don't know anything about their history, but I would start with. Where are you now in your career? And what your intent? Because often what happens in my experiences? We've rescan start to outgrow the place that we are in. In and it's no fault of the boss. You know like this is. This sounds like very typical boss behavior, but it also sounds like something which is coming which is showing up is highly frustrating for you, and it may be that you're beginning to kind of outgrow the steam. It may be time for you rather than learning how to like because we're not in control of what other people do right or just. You could go to the book is Great I. Think Chris Pastas Book On negotiation never with the difference as wonderful as well. There's really some really wonderful negotiation techniques that we can do but I think they're mostly suitable for I need to do this. Specific thing and I need to kind of get this person on board or Build this team builds Build build a better sort of situation in order to get this specific thing done, but they're talking about sort of this habitual behavior, which has become this running joke among the team to me. That's actually sounds like a relatively high mountain to be done I wish I could give an easy like you just need to listen to the person and it may be. It may be that you can sort of be like very specific like Oh. Oh! This is the thing that I need to get done. Let me get really really. Laser focused on that. Thing it. You're not going to be able to change this bosses behavior. Long term not, it's not your job. You know it's just it's just not your job to kind of reformed the boss. Unfortunately, I think it's such an important point to be made that if you've put in a lot of effort and energy, and you've tried some of these other. Other tactics and techniques, and you've talked to other people on the team, but you are hitting a brick wall. Then you do have to ask yourself. Is this the right culture for me and we talked about this with Patrick. CIONI, earlier this year that there are great cultures that will unlock your potential, and there are other cultures that will literally wreak havoc on your potential and your mental health and wellbeing, and if you're not asking yourself that question culturally and. And you're only focusing on well. How can I get through to this boss? Or how can I stop him from being passive aggressive and guess what he's doing it with everyone on the team as your question, states and everyone now is turned it into a joke, then that leads me to believe that culturally may not be the best fit for you, and instead of spending more effort and energy trying to change someone who clearly is not interested in the change. Let's put some effort energy and growing our network and making a change in our own environment and finding a culture that we could thrive in that point is great and I just want to add to that. If this person is listening to this show and obviously is, he's throwing in a a question. He has a growth mindset and you're tired about holders, but the the. The thing for anyone to understand is if you develop cultivated a growth mindset..
"gower" Discussed on The Art of Charm
"Might Be Moody about it but I am making this attempt to understand you on your side over here as well which allows everyone to know what I'm doing is a is for them and stepping over to say hey. I'm willing to compromise. I'm willing to work on. I'm willing. Willing to be open about this just as long as you know I'm making this move I. Witch from leading will allow others to maybe loosen up on. There's if we're looking for a compromise. We're looking for some understanding which if it's going to be a relationship if it's going to be a collaboration, some boundaries aren't going to need to be move the bed and you might learn. Some things love that that's so got. Yeah. Boundaries have to be flexible right? If you're a parent, you know this. You learn very very very quickly. That you know that you see that hard and fast rules. Just don't get you where you're trying to get to. Necessarily oftentimes especially if we're introverted, if we're not verbalised to get, people only have our body language to read in those situations, and just by that example of Johnny saying you know I'm going into unchartered territory. It allows other people in the room if he has a scrunchy brow, or he looks like he's discontent to not read that in such a negative way and go, this is just. Just Johnny working through this creates a better open environment for us to work through those issues and I think the problem with boundaries is when you set them really firm, and he just completely stopped there. It can be very off putting in these team dynamics where we're trying to work through this to get a result that works for everybody every time I skip this kind of thing. I regret it later, just I really starting off slow starting off with some degree of sort of empathic understanding so valuable. Your your dining get to the last one. I can see it on your face. You've gone through the hard stuff going through attention, concerns and boundaries. We love to end on a high note and really we reconstructed this process, and it is intentions, concerns, boundaries, and dreams you end on the the expansive. If this were to go amazing way, what would be true for me? How would I feel? What would I be proud of? What I think would be true for you of this goes really well and US and the project, and then you take it out now now. It's Kinda like that. Metta Meditation, but it really does like you start to get expansive energetically and I. Find it very hard to not be excited about your dreams right like I i. now hold what you want and back in even if there was a little discomfort in the first part of the conversation like okay I feel your heart here I'm excited for what you're. You're excited for start, you know. The oxytocin starts blooming in the room. It's beautiful, but it's where things really come together. It's a great place to wrap it up to know what everyone's dreams our right to have that level of clarity in a team environment in a family environment in your relationships personal. I mean that's such a beautiful thing, and we don't spend enough time, not only sharing the tough stuff, but then that stuff that so enlightening and so inspiring and others. Yeah, we have a thirteen year old son. And this is like the biggest parenting when of my life a couple of weeks ago sitting at dinner. And out of nowhere, bother talking about the bug. And like what are we going to talk about the constitution? Out of nowhere, this kid just says really glad. I'm growing up learning to care about other people's feelings. To me to. Thank, thank you so glad you are too well many of us not only don't share our own, but we certainly don't pay attention to other people's feelings when we're trying to get something done when we have objectives or coming into a meeting with a strict agenda, Awda Daggett shoved to the side, and there's not enough space for it now we ask all of our guests. What their x factor is, and we believe X. factors when a mindset unlocks a skill set for you and makes you unique. What would you say each of Your X. Factors are? Oh. That's not yet. I WANNA. Do you okay? Give me do that. Yeah, even more fun there we go. I think I I mean I. Don't think I don't necessarily always. The gunman great observer of myself so. Also. I love to hear her. Say Nice things about me. Hanger. So I think for Alex what she brings to the table. Is this skill in both listening and being present and being non-judgmental I've never seen I actually. I remember watching so I. I watched the movie super size me ten years before ever went on a date with her, and I was remembering things like tha like it's a very weird experience on a date with somebody who you were like totally into it when you watch the months onscreen. Like ten years before and what I loved about her was when she was a Vegan chef at the time, and and and there her partner is eating McDonald's every day, and she's just going like oh whatever you know like. Like just there there, you're okay, but but it was, but you were and I was wasn't used to I'm just GONNA help myself but I was used to being being nonjudgmental or veterans being under the. A judgmental. And and there's sort of this lack of of judge mental illness in there, but there's this extreme sort of presence, and then there's.
"gower" Discussed on Doug Loves Movies
"Cheap price into it. All right. So. You guys are jerks. I mean, they have a point, but don't listen to them. Let's say she did it. So people started. My god. Can't believe you. Ca-car the eagle two, or is that different? It's been, I think it's Eddie. Said he gets excited and Eddie's really excited now because he's been here. For the last time we played this game once again, it's time for another round of Plummer -ly. Yes. Promo cleverly guys is the films of Christopher Plummer or Christopher Lee. Goto individually. We'll start with Dan. Then we'll go Daniel and then we'll go to Dan and then to Andrei and I'm gonna just name movie and if somebody doesn't get it moves onto the next person that third person has kind of gimme. Because it's Christopher -ly Christopher Plummer or neither. For each one of these movies. We'll start with Dan, you'll my brother. Christly Chris Plummer neither in Alice through the looking glass. Christopher Lee incorrect. I know I felt it to Dan Harmon is Christopher Plummer or neither plumber. One of his finer roles who could forget it that is incorrect. Andre. Is it Chris cheaper? Lee Christopher Plummer or neither. Thinking about it this either it, neither is correct. One point for Mr. Gower. Started with neither. Dan, get a better. Daniel in Kirk guess start us off on this next one? Yeah, the hobbit the desolation of smile. Smile. Bring that up. Anytime I can cause I love love saying smile. So made up. All that hobbit should so made up fake tricky isn't smog Walberg commenting on driving in the smog and LA. Maybe we'll never know. Act like you lost a kid. Which one is leader? Plumber, neither. Neither. Neither is correct. What did it go? Thanks stop talking to the guests. Eddie. That's how easy it is Dan harm and you just got. Either either which one of those gentlemen or neither was in Ed Wood. God dammit. Fuck. Neither. That is correct. They're all neither. Neither. We're in the end-game now France. And something about that long Andrei. You've got one point, Dan, Harmon's got one point. Dan, van kirks go. One point is very exciting. Christopher Lee Christopher Plummer or neither. The chronicles of narnia, the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe. If you'd like, I can use it in a sentence. Take that option. Oh, that's me. I think it's you is To it me. me. Let's run Christopher Lee Christopher Plummer or neither..
"gower" Discussed on WFAN Sports Radio_FM
"Scores winner lorde john turn on the fan i say that all the time we welcome back to the program josh mcdaniel's was supposed to fill in for me today buddy change his mind so i'm here to 550 when i get to go home and for those you waiting for the tom lue gower that'll be the three o'clock hour because i know a lot of people really enjoy listening to that and then feel the show goes down hill afterwards and you may be right you know i'm not you know my ego i check it out the door most of the time except for thursday mirror in the room and then a pumps up because i just i mean i'm not blunt james orange county next on the fan i james crash great to talk to you how you doing good what's going on with you what would be very excited about spring training right now i think this is shaping up to be an extremely exciting spring training sure is sure looking you're looking at a lotta all i'm happy cushioned going on between plays you looking at uh what i what i think this ah now chad green and champs items to go out it for the starting position i'm yankees don't forget there is very high on chance uh as being a sought and they also have the left ejustice sheffield in the minor weeks which they wanna bring up for the bullpen sean left the of the time so let's see if tag green and chants adams go out added to for that starting spot who's gonna get and then you have els burying hicks going for center field okay i think the yankees did want to bring in a veteran second baseman all veteran show third baseman because of and do our anc laboratories they don't want to have backed veteran moving.
"gower" Discussed on You Must Remember This
"His company established roots in los angeles and after absorbing other independent companies such as rex took on the name universal the first universal studios took over a studio built into blondeau tavern a french widows roadhouse on hollywood and gower once famous for serving pigeon and rum omelette dinner service when a nitrate film fire burned this studio down lumley thought big about the rebuild and 1915 he proved to the industry and the world that he was willing to spend to build up his own legacy by cutting their ribbon to universal city a photo but fullyfunctioning municipality which lumley had build around a massive ranch studio in the hills north of hollywood the main purpose of universal city was to film movies the secondary benefit was to promote the making of movies to the consumers of movies lembo returned moviemaking itself into a participatory tourist attraction setting up bleachers in front of his sets and selling tickets to terrorists so that they could watch the movie is being made and sometimes recruiting extras from their ranks another angle for publicity was that universal branded itself as the studio most inviting of female workers at that ribboncutting ceremony lambley was given the key to universal city by the studios female police chief earlier lois weber a controversial and groundbreaking female writer director in one of universal star all tours had been elected mayor of universal city a newspaper described universal as the only bonafide woman's fear on the map where women do all the busing and wear man is just tolerated that's all just tolerated.
"gower" Discussed on MyTalk 107.1
"Put gower which is on firm footing gower they do there they did the test on it uh they asked me if i would deacon prop work because i was during the show called the colby it was hard up a dynasty yeah and i was doing a colorado page that week of all things oh 80s yet and all it woke me reduc with a few pieces orange on it and i would get these things with food say it has to be eligible it does not to be able to bowl doesn't have to be exactly a duck it could be you know chicken altered we're different things so i get thought request to do a carrot cake and what we're doing a pilot i didn't look too so did the scare cake and then it could have woken to funny they needed to do something else i could walk cheesecake pretty good and i got you kicking so easy for me to do i didn't know we reared during it almost weekly and then they had a wedding also on the pilot and the second episode wedding cake came in and then i found out it was a go with a bunch of old ladies and it was called the golden girls about well whatever they don't appear for about a year than they switched over to run maher and i never really what to go see the show done could i would do the cheesecake seven for pride deny taping and i'm living in la would you go hang out with four old ladies or would you go out there right if you're an earthquake exactly so you're in your twenty like final make you also he said no that you're being written into the history of a show new knew nothing that would ever happen though i started doing these these cakes and every year we would change the look of it and they would look like they're getting a different bakeries and stuff and i ask quantum owes i was mother filtering thumbed and why are you doing stubborn because seven it i'd have to make him on the same plate or the boxer or whatever everything had to be stubborn and they.
"gower" Discussed on KBNP AM 1410
"I i just want to say david gower the jeff sex is an email response magnet it is remarkable how he's gotten all the love notes this morning and the hatemail to me is just been off its a record level you know it's it's just been if it's suppose we had a president that doesn't know anything we have the ability to hide that a by having a people trotted out to say how wonderful and wives and so forth and frankly it's not safe for us to be in a situation like this and we should be aware of it this is a great danger for our country so the hate mail aol may come but this is really the reality that we face i think are all of our listeners know who you are and they've got their opinions pro connex cetera let me as a political one on one question a around all the moment that we're in now did the president win this election or the secretary loses selection well i think a bit of both the president wanted as a reality tv personality and with a lot of populist rhetoric because basically what a populist does is sell a phony approach so he told people that are really hurting in this country that they're villains are mexican rapists and muslim paris and chinese currency was an end and that that appeal it in in the short term and hillary clinton was a horrible candidate very unappealing and a she won more popular votes by the way but nonetheless she was a week candidate and there was a lot of manipulation which we don't know the of the score to that's that's a real thing by the way there was absolutely manipulation and we're going to fight even treasonous behavior by some of the people like manifests us others we can't do it we're doing that monday yes news flow today's too much jeff sex how does the progressive party which you are clearly a leading voice voice of get back the bluecollar democrats you grew up in detroit with a long time ago you're exactly right tom these are my neighbors by friends and there are hurting right now they're mortality rates are going up suicide rates are going up opioid addiction is going up and they just been sold a pack allies and then comes this obamacare repeal i'm no fan of obamacare by.
"gower" Discussed on The Writers Panel
"Los on this team life and sounding doesn't gower is like yeah anthony sounds yeah going into spectrum floating around there where like has not people like smoking pot many people thought thought but i think we just that person that we had was friends now is without actually smoking pot laver is going on doesn't get why i do now in a and development season just kind of like i want to see what happens i mean you really i i mean it's not and it's it's so hard to predict and i feel like i always early on like they're not this isn't happening tag i feel like if you know from the first i know you saw last to do the best you can get a hundred resign cause you know one of the shitty scuffle concerns other can't play no i'm obviously script floating around out there out but you do have to say i mean indeed absolute best i can and but like you were saying it i think was so that's mean the most now he says when they said they need more this this year you're writing against like sort of companies and the city you have to still try to make your scripts really good and they may just say you know what we're not doing you know ours was essentially kind of a darker manic comedy this year we were rebuilding the show calling from the bbc's money yes he was amazing and lovely and so in no brainer you were like i hands down in a win so much fun to get to do version of it did you do a four and the say anything and well they didn't come downs around they have is made in the middle of the decide to pick of well grains them in the picked up an animal to cam to pair with it and that i mean is if we would've ever been in the mix anyway cause i mean good point during the what's your your pearl of wins i'm really on see do we are getting picked up from there last because i think our first big notes collet them when they signed like we serve read up the original pilot but you know instead to be more american and.
"gower" Discussed on ESPN Chicago 1000 - WMVP
"Because guy god love we although basket very i'd like to use presiding over whether tom gower maybe fifteen minutes before the ceremony they are going to be the guy ball that was always i strengths you know i'm not going to call opposite wicket presiding over the white why was he presided who's wedding i presiding over was he presiding over the what it i was briggs served bad for you are oh you know colleague it work okay got and so you know turner our her husband to be that decided that they didn't want constrained you're saying the wedding in so in lieu of actually having a person who'd use the qualifications do this they decided have matthew very who you've got his universal ministers license about a week before the ceremony for and then got i got up there in the hole yeah i was it is awesome it is possible so i think it was open up an interesting stories set of circumstances to where the only be all the right way to go out things now would be to have stew gods achieve the same level certification and be able to say and my brother my other brothers wedding this summer i feel like that's what have to do that okay i am on this yes i'm on this is a good idea we will consider discuss this but that this is great got doesn't leave in and out of doing the actual you know he's leading the stars presiding over the ceremony does he we've in and out a presiding over the ceremony and just giving fantasy to upside is that that that you do any about by yes you get a dog you talked about the fluctuating famously mark especially for tight as martellus bennett going i'll go to the packers all these that he need you to probably can't turn it off of this it's all the where brandin cooks ago what round next year that that some of the exactly like imagine just be doing the wedding it said same sort of tatar their reaches would be of look with all about that you can stops you advantage today i got a lot you got it is set.
"gower" Discussed on Super Station 101
"Time colorway of we have there's the from a decade he moves into immediate response because he is a big a first time caller arm for tom gower friday welcome and why don't thank you to stir i didn't know what a start but i will run off the list of thing to his gad it's tough to bet it is so emulating to my the pa let me give him out background quickly i'm back home in the marian county after horny years no problem the world brown by scamper mound to the top of the right here may hadn't if you play to than the i mean like you know and one of the best fly through the up in the united states layout i am man brother i agree eight now that a whole given him a bit better you know the boy yet you've got cut down i'm i'm i'm gon going on politics but listen i'm much from purer from that beginning may do that all the other stuff yeah you guys have talked about everything that now out his then all about that route a correct what i can light david water yeah water whale yeah and there's enough to get out of i got us against you want to make let me go through not only has been listen what you got made it call i say look of men with the nets morning i don't here you often but i really and you are going to do here you if somebody touchdown i'm very all yeah not star started on that back in the night eighth than now not even longer off on matt but live you guys you have got.