20 Episode results for "Forty Eight Percent"
Ask Margaret - Should I Take My Child to a Funeral?
"Welcome to ask Margaret. What fresh hell. Laughing in the face of motherhood salving your parenting dilemmas. One question at a time. Today's question comes from Mary. Who says how do you handle taking your toddler funeral? I'm mostly concerned about the actual complications of taking him to the viewing and funeral would like him to say goodbye but still worried about. It would exposing him to things like an open. Casket upset him or making more resilient mayor. I really like this question and it's come up a lot and I have a strong feeling about this and I think that children should attend funerals You know you can read a lot of history about this back. In the day people died. You brought them into your house. You laid them out on the dining room. Table washed them and helped bury them and that was a family activity. And I think you know we're not going back to those days. Nobody's debt is coming onto your dining room table. Probably but I think the idea that we can pretend the death does not exist for children is misguided. I think it is one of the things that we project onto kids that the idea of this is much more scary than the reality of it. My mom passed away two years ago and for me. It was never a question about whether my kids would attend the funeral but kids attended a lot of funerals. It's something that we talk a lot about. We'll talk about what it's going to be like. I try to help them really set their expectations. But I want to have the experience of that ritual. I Want my children to have the experience of that ritual. We've dealt with some really sad deaths in our lives and I just. I think my kids have been very frightened to go to the funeral. They've been very frightened to really talk about it and confronted but that they have found as I have found and hopefully you have found in your life that the purpose of the ritual of is really useful. It gives you a time to do some really serious morning. It gives you a time to really confront the reality of what has happened and I think that that is important and should be done. If you're worried about an open casket you can skip that part of it. If that feels comfortable to you and something that you think after talking to your kids. They are ready to confront. I would encourage you to take them. I think preparing them for that. What it's going to be like. I remember going to my first open casket funeral and being really terrified of it and then going and being like Oh. That wasn't as scary as I thought. But you can also give them a choice but make sure you're giving them a fair choice so that the the choice doesn't become like you can either go to the funeral with me or you can stay behind in this hotel room by yourself so you. WanNa make sure that they feel empowered to make this choice but I would encourage them to make it and I would explain to them that. Like what the roles funerals play in our lives. I was really surprised by this. I found this. The Guardian has a statistic that says forty eight percent of people think it is inappropriate for children under ten to attend a funeral I found that shocking. I find it very very appropriate for children to attend a funeral. It is important to remember that a funeral is primarily about the people who are very close to the loved one who has passed away therefore if you have a child who is not capable of behaving through a lengthy funeral service. Keep that in mind for my mom's funeral My children came to the funeral service and then I had a friend take them over to their house at the end of the funeral service and I attended the rest of the events by myself because I wanted to be able to have my own mourning process. That wasn't about like are my kids. Knock you over the flower display at the reception and so do not put people in the position of having their funeral. Their loved ones funeral. Be About your child. Who's running around the aisles or crying? If you can figure out how much your child is really up for and then make other arrangements. It's great for them. To be part of part of the service may be and then go home. Maybe they come to the wake briefly and then go home but don't put your kids into situation. Set them up to fail by bringing to four hour service where it's going to just become about the fact that they don't have the attention span to sit through that but generally. I am very firmly team. Children's should go to funerals and Mary. I hope that helps. If you have a question for my cell phone. Amy You can send it to questions at what freshman podcast dot com and you may hear your questions answered on an upcoming episode. Thanks for listening.
Bless This Mess
"Leaves that the world would be a better place if we reconnected to what's pure and innocent in ourselves and each other that's what host Mallory Kasdan explores in this episode of the waves is sponsored by how to raise a parent a new podcast from dairy pure in collaboration with slate studios dairypure on romantic relationships and I find most fascinating about all of this is that the idea that political compatibility isn't necessary can animate some other dynamics in the relationship and this is actually an emerging genre of opposites attract and the impact of twenty sixteen have been torn asunder or at least complicated by trump especially when their male partners love him Marsha what is the deal here this is fascinating eating stuff so in medium Mike Senior Ellie wrote about how his show and a facebook group inspired by it has chat about love and politics specifically what's going on with democratic women married to trump loving men they exist perhaps some of them listen to this show into them though I have some excellent news we have a new production assistant on board her name's Rachel Allen she comes to us from the Atlantic and so the Sirius Xm host Mike Senior Ellie wrote a piece in medium recently about a series of conversations he's had on his show with liberal women whose relationships a for romance is shocking to me as someone who's entire marriage is predicated on cable news watching but more than anything else I think that become a safe place for women who are married to trump supporters to talk about how this difference in political opinion so get ready for a market improvement on all of these shows Welcome Rachel Okay this week we're going to start things off with producer of sleep podcasts unfortunately Nicole will be unable to join us this week we miss her but We have a couple great topics before we I you can and should start your free two week trial by visiting slate dot com slash the waves plus are onto our first topic then we're going to talk about the idea that abortion should be safe legal and rare quote unquote a phrasing that presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard S. and homebound -ness of the photos that young people and especially influencers are posting on instagram June what is our slate plus part of the tensions at these Women Express in how twenty sixteen shifted their relationships was either for become more open to all the exciting things the world has to offer make sure to listen and subscribe to to raise a parent wherever you get your podcast and former planned parenthood President Lena win endorsed last week and our last topic is a little bit squishy earlier we're going to talk about the loneliness we're so happy to have her here she'll also be production assisting four two other sleep podcasts Culture Gab Fest and how to with Charles duhig segment this week on their slate plus segment this week we'll be asking was this sexist and I went on the floor and got you votes I got folks for that the first time they were realizing that politics mattered inside the home and so for the women who said some said they didn't know there all are convinced people to vote for it so let's get those things straight to if you're not asleep plus member yet and you want to know if what Joe Biden did was sexist the following podcast contains explicit language hello and welcome to the waves for Thursday October twenty fourth the bless this mess edition I'm Christina Ricci a staff writer at slate and host of the sleep podcast outward I'm Marsha Caitlyn a professor of history at Georgetown University and I'm Thomas Senior partners political orientation which I find a little hard to believe but even for the people who felt like they could be in a relationship with someone who is maybe ideal NC after the election or maybe even a little bit earlier before with the emergence of movements like black lives matter that they wanted to start tar ticu late their views logically different the way that then played out in their relationship is that some of these women wanted to become more politically active and vocal they felt a deep sense of urgency their energies outside of the home and it started to have an impact on the relationship and so I think that this genre of writing has the the possibility of being a cautionary tale to people about why you might want to sort out politics before you get serious with someone but I think it also talks about about the ways that depending on your identity what part of the country you're living in your circumstances you can really be insulated from some of the political reality Oh somebody's politics before you get married although I do think for some of these people you know their partners changed when trump came around and I don't think that's something in people that might not have been inflamed before you know he was really made it okay for people to come out and say like you know what I is that other communities are deeply vulnerable from yeah I too was just totally befuddled by the idea that you might not you know unique to people married to democratic women I think that that's a large part of why nobody predicted or very few people predicted that trump would win because he really did animates has vulgar as we are but when people talk about the importance of making friends and respecting people across party lines it's an extension of the things that are most important to me some people might call that values you know and my parents always taught me from when I was a kid they actually taught kind of like what do you think politics is like just a hobby or like a difference of taste in movies because to me damn racists and like that should be okay or you know what things are to pc and our politicians should be able to be as courses they like the thing that we teach people is like that's the most important thing when you're going to commit your life to somebody is to make sure that you have the same values I wonder the sort of marriage course that Catholics need to take or often take before they get the blessing of a priest to get married it's called pre Qena and they would always had or whether it really was like a a new awakening instigated by trump. Yeah I suspect a lot of the time it's the latter I think there's kind of a force of the so-called norms that have been blown away by trump that I think you're absolutely right both of you that politics are part of the shared values that seem so essential to or the people who say like oh I'm a huge trump supporter now and and I can't deal with this like politically correct left whether that was an extension of values they already politically divergent partnerships being real and run fine but then along comes trump and I don't think you can just kind of get such extreme that we you know that things that have been possible are no longer possible and the relationships that could just kind of avoid offer other people so lacks empathy that they're willing to effectively you know vote an insult comedian into office that they're so confident be in a happy relationship but I can see that you know that can be some differences there you know I could see like a you know nothing too extreme but I can see you know mechanism of people realizing and this is a phrase that I almost hit myself but people realizing their privilege because they know that this own safety that they're willing to blow up of the people's lives just for laughs almost you know just to own the libs there's you know that I think is yet another Veasley you know the typical man that I might date especially in certain communities where there is a lot stricter you know roles for men and women like in are in cases where people do seem to have changed with the advent of trump on either side whether it's the people who really want to get involved in progressive activism along with you know kids in cages at the border or Muslim bans like there's just he takes things as he doesn't so in so many ways sakes things certain topics they can't avoid them anymore it makes perfect sense to me and I'm also not exactly surprised I mean we keep being surprised a person who they're very close with live with who they supposedly love has cares so little for them or for people like them a lot of conservative Christian communities or something they're a woman might not enter a partnership assuming like well we're going to be on the same page about gender issues so but then when trump comes along and it's not just you know a patriarchal sort of like we love women as wives and mothers sort of thing you're right at that point I think a lot of these stories remind me of my favorite cultural reference the bachelor the Bachelor in a lot of the scenes so about what we consider the substance of romantic relationships so if it's not about talking about politics or trying to flatten these differences than what is happening within the dynamics of the home and for some of these stories that women wrote about how their husbands pissed off because they've join indivisible or now they're proud by things like we keep being surprised wow you know whatever percentage of it of white women voted for trump. I'm so horrified by I've I've blocked from my mind but you know I remember after the election up sometimes they euphemize race when they have kind of a multiethnic multiracial cast but not really and so part of this I think is testing I do wonder if sometimes politics becomes a mechanism for kind of passive aggressive shifting in the power dynamic of the relationship that something else could have taken that place conversations of how can you believe for many white women voted for trump will yes account and therefore I'm not a surprise as as I think I I'm supposed to be and I think there's urge this year a lot of anxiety but women voting is like do they vote what their husbands tell them or do they vote independently and so these stories it's about the dynamics of of relationships that many of us not all grew up with rate and I think the idea that the patriarch owns the is politics and maybe the way he changed after he started absorbing like more Fox News or more you know trump land rhetoric but it was also more about hobby and damn it I'm going to be gone five days a week or like I'm no longer going to do these things and so you start to see that it's not just the politics they talk about how feeling so close to people and they don't talk about everything it's really fascinating I feel so connected and they've talked maybe a case art there's also some acceptance of difference on gender issues in a lot of heterosexual courtship and marriages where it's like yep ideas of the household big and small is something that also comes out and a lot of these stories because if you look at a lot of the excellent books that are coming out and about the history of women suffer it's like grab them by the Pussy and your husband ends up supporting that and laughing at that it's like it's to his two course to ignore yeah so not to suggest that these women aren't trying to you know express themselves politically but I wonder if there are other ways at this happened it's like I took on a new they're both they're both about kind of the trump era but I think they're also about just longstanding assumptions about who gets to organize the household yeah and I know in in reading this article that we read I felt like a lot of the women were disturbed by you know a jerk about it and it was about the internal dynamics of their relationship even more so than the politics outside of it I was really interested in the in the kind of the the way he started treating them like calling her a lib tarred and not respecting her views so it wasn't just that their views differed but it was that he turned into men didn't get it they just didn't understand what they were going through the didn't understand why they were upset and the men seem to be mad that the women the emotions that came up it felt like in many of these examples that we read about you know there was anger but it was different like the women were angry that their usually they'll talk about a trauma but they haven't really talked about anything and I just wonder on the show how do you figure it out with this person because politics never is that their sons are radicalized by racist rhetoric on the Internet and in a few experiences I've had of giving speaking engagements I've occasionally had of this writing that is slowly emerging and that is mostly white women talking about the surprise we're angry like it's there was even a lack of compatibility around what the body motion was about yeah there's going to be a spinoff genre wight mom say you know my son's looking at the stuff online or my son said something that really surprised me because I didn't think those were the values of my family and so on to say that this political moment you know something's in the water and it's allowing people who again were not proximate to the class and a lot of them are financially dependent on their husbands so the political strife that they feel in the household can't be resolved by leaving because they can't afford to you know in a rural working class community that is majority white let's say and Europe progressive woman or a liberal woman like position to have a new kind of viewpoint on things and this idea of you know like my son's looking at stuff or you know my stun expressed these romantic life whatsoever there seems to be a weird little squeaking from the heating element sorry listeners if you can hear that the educated political elites and we just have different viewpoints but one of the things that these stories do highlight is that this is a lot of the women are working have to be hyper articulated in a relationship and I just remember in the ninety s Howell like everyone found James Carville and Mary Matlin just like so adorable how many eligible men who share your political views or your gender politics or your race politics or whatever are even out there I mean even if you just look at the numbers concerned must be a lot of noise the Conway Household Kellyanne Conway and George Conway they are probably the most iconic politically aligned but deeply divergent sometimes and it's like we're so it's so Kooky but I think it's interesting that that seems to be the the domain of the elite like we're highly in some communities politics just seems like another thing bad politics seems like just something women have to accept for men in order to have any sort of watch the way that a political couple is not playing by the rules of any discretion over their feelings about trump and so it's about kids at his school and I don't know where it came from and I think that the lesson in all of this is that politics are to be discussed at the dinner table and these values and that also magnifies a lot of how the stuff goes down it also speaks to me about the you know what's out there you know especially if you are look better cost less and last longer one of my favorite ever lane items in my wardrobe is this incredible gray almost like a bomber jacket it but without the tight cuffs it's so sleek and she people always ask Gray God it it's almost like a sweatshirt material perfect for fall I love is the genders on politics and and they were already polarized to begin with and so I mean even if you take gay people out of the equation you know out of the the emphasis with you why would you buy a t shirt for fifty dollars if you knew it only costs seven dollars to make with ever lane you never overpay for of how many people identify as Democrats or liberals and how many people identify as Republicans like it's only getting more gender-segregated trump has really pulled in different places and like what do you actually believe you agree on anything and there's a to plano now with Margaret Hoover a descendant of Herbert Hoover and John Avalon and they go on CNN to hear from you if you are in one of these politically discordant relationships you can email us at the waves sleep dot com with your story and we extra stylish for less essentials like they're 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Costs and are radically transparent about every step in their process from the materials they used to the ethical factories they work with no matter your style or preference ever leans close yeah I mean I'm a conspiracy theorist and I think that this is just you know all part of the trump administration's plan to like make itself seem more it's my tinfoil hat and I'll defend to the death all right that's all the time we have for this incredibly fascinating topic listeners we would how to raise a parent throughout the series she talks to parents and experts about how our kids can teach us to shift our perspectives conquer our fears eligible by saying like Oh look the spouse of one of our own like disagrees with us a look we have diversity of opinion in our world but that might be a little bit too tinfoil hat but that's Ah you know percentage of people who identify as Democrats for instance there's still a lot more women on one side than the other and so I wonder whether you know he's on the left she's on the right and they've make the parent trap in Craven to me like Oh guys just both like make your money from human curves providing supportive comfort for all kinds of bodies the original casper mattress combines multiple supported memory foams for equality sleep surface with the right amounts of both sink and bounce Barry essential to balance sing and dance design helps you sleep cool widely yet I also acknowledge that it's something that is very politically contentious I think as you wrote in slate Christina when Dr Waves and using code waves at checkout terms and conditions apply com slash waves and using waves at checkout again get one hundred dollars towards select mattresses five visiting Casper Dot com slash asked about abortion rights she was the only one who sort of hedged her answer rather than making an affirmative case for abortion access pillows and sheets to ensure an overall better sleep experience and Casper has free shipping and hassle free returns if you're not completely satisfied safe legal and rare that was the phrase that Tulsi Gabbard the congresswoman from Hawaii used last week's Democratic presidential debate when the candidates were desirable about the procedure because otherwise why should it be rare After Gabbard said it last week in the debate Lena when who served as planned legal and rare I think she's correct so safe legal and rare has pretty much fallen out of favor in the Democratic Party since it was taken out of the party platform is becoming the Internet's favorite mattress and Casper offers three other mattresses the wave the essential and the hybrid they also offer an array of other products yes I as a supporter of the of women's right to choose and women's right to bodily autonomy of course I I I don't have any issues not brought up Catholic I don't have any baggage around this I think that abortion is a very safe procedure that should be available you can be sure of your purchase with Casper's one hundred nights risk-free sleep on it trial get one hundred dollars toward select mattresses by visiting Casper Rail for Democrats when said that most Americans hold complex truths they can both personally oppose abortion and support others right to choose SUV political weapon I agree with Hillary Clinton on one thing disagree with her on many others but when she said abortion should be safe when made those comments she was reflecting her role as a physician her background is a physician not a politician abortion is different from everything else in embraced in the past couple years because advocates say it stigmatizes people who get abortions by suggesting that there is something shameful or under leads president for about ten months before she was asked to step down in July tweeted that she appreciated that Gabbard brought up quote the third is a political useful does it speak to most Americans as Dr Wen said or has it totally worn out its welcome in progressive politics I am torn on in two thousand Twelve Hillary Clinton used the phrase in her two thousand eight campaign Bill Clinton used it before her but she didn't use it in two thousand sixteen in it really hasn't been they can both feel uncomfortable about abortion and not want women to die from back alley procedures so I ask you to what do you think that phrase here's a clip of that moment this is often one of the most difficult decisions that are woman will ever have to make and it's unfortunate to see how in this country it has for so long been used as a because unlike other medical procedures that are very safe and and should be very cheap and very easy like there's just it's a very uncommon the kitchen procedure B doesn't get treated like one because of the political and and I guess religious all of the all of the complications around abortion make different this is a statement of the obvious and yet it seems that a lot of people were not acknowledging that abortion is different they're such heightened feelings about it that it feels while I completely agree that position and get as rare and and validating rare makes it seem you know something feel about that it is different that is a different topic with different that drives different kinds of feelings than any other medical procedure and so anti choice I understand why it is alluring for people who want to nuance or steady that choice it's it's a I don't know if it's just I don't think it's just uptakes however I do think that that we just have to be re as someone who understands the context in which people are from from the person saying it I got no issues with it but I know that a lot of people do Marsha you think so what's at stake around reproductive justice a Bristle at that language because what it does it suggest that if you to be avoided at the same time I think many many many millions of people in this country and around the world think that abortions should be avoided so I or what happens when organizations use incredible intimidation and scare tactic tactics to prevent people from being provided and I have zero disagreements with that that makes perfect sense to me that seems like a totally reasonable position how could you argue with it and yet saying it potentially sites well in the sense that you know like here in Washington DC they have that March for life. I couldn't imagine when I was a young person the rhetoric around it I think it allows people to do another version of it that says I would never have an abortion but someone else can for political things that also have to be protected other than access and I think Tulsi Gabbard using that language it's an you make abortion simply a medical issue you lose sight of some of the extreme tactics that are used in order well had full access to affordable accessible contraception but I I think that this language and the and the in which young people are engaged about abortion seems far more kind of Lake I guess politically intense and when I was a kid in a school like organizing trip for people to go if people wanted to go they went but this idea that you kind of you organize young people to be you know drives people to to vote I don't know if for trump because I don't have any faith in his abortion politics but does drive people away yeah that distancing language then distances people from thinking well what if I live in a state that tries to legislate abortion till the point that there's no access this debate to engage in the rhetoric of Safe legal rare I completely get that impulse and increasingly as I really think about what so oriented around abortion is something that I kinda missed that moment and might have been the context in which I love all of this is to say that of course around it gets at the broader question of how hard democrats should be trying to reach the antiabortion or generally centrist moderate independent voters out that you know there is a way of interpreting this that says you know we should make abortions rare because if abortions were rare that would mean that p according to Gallup polling that say they're presidential candidate doesn't have to share their views on abortion that it's either not an issue they consider at all or that it's one calling about this according to a pew survey from late twenty seventeen forty eight percent of Americans say that having an abortion is morally wrong a to prevent access and I think that you have to keep your eye on that price as well because when when Hillary Clinton came up with the kind of what happens when medical schools don't provide that kind of training and so I guess my critique of that language it pulls people further away from the this vanishingly small portion of the population who believes that abortion is morally wrong and has what I think is like an unfathomable you know in that sense you shouldn't just be saying you know there should be as many abortions as we need abortion just like there should be as many heart stents put in as heart stents need to be put in go position of supporting a fully saying you know all support a pro choice Democrat as long as they are willing to say that abortion is undesirable and I don't in most well-connected women so I don't even see the utility of using this language but I I also many issues that matter to them and they're sort of balance it's a balancing act so I think it's possible that if Democrats were to revert to this language the Republicans in this polling that there's a very small percentage who do support abortion rights meanwhile there's a large majority of people about three quarters of the population recognize that some of those Republicans may support abortion rights but as we've seen in the way that the parties have become even more polarized over the past decade it s like who are they trying to region why and is Dr Wen right that most Americans Holt complex opinions about abortion so did a little research into I've just seen another poll that said it was fifty percent so let's say it's fifty percent about forty one percent of people identify as Republicans so if you take the Republicans hard You know I I grew up Catholic and going to Catholic school and went to Catholic high school and it seems like the context now of anything. It's a lot of platitudes about the Supreme Court it's a platitudes about Roe v Wade but I think that what's missing and all of this is as I got older I appreciated the fact that people told me about their experiences of having an abortion and serious public education about how abortion access works and the various contexts in which women seek abortions and I think that it's an appeal towards a type of moderate but it loses sight of the responsibility of how to really support access. Yeah I just WANNA point really understand it because so much about the Hyde Amendment and saying that federal funds can't go to Medicaid recipients to that is helpful but there is a way that that conversation hasn't risen to the point where people are saying I could imagine what would it be secure abortion is also tied into a lot of racist rhetoric about dependency about welfare queens about about women with too many children for political candidate to say I chose an abortion for these reasons and these are the complex realities of the of the world we live in and I think that we have I and how far they should be willing to go to do that so I have been asking myself like what is the population that is convincing people by that let's say forty eight percent you've got seven percent of the population that's Democrat or independent and thinks abortion is morally wrong although I they are you know effectively selling out the one in four women who will have an abortion in their lives and saying you know that it that a to than ever before you know there's a a extremely small number of democratic elected officials and and Republican elected officials that sort of switched party lines on abortion rights I'm going to assume that I think a broader or clear perspective on this issue I agree completely and yet there is this sense that this is an existential question that access it just scale and yet democrats generally don't seem to emphasize courts and you know the the need and have abortions against you know the the Republican Party and the Conservatives who are trying to make it inaccessible for all but like the the rich think that's worth it I don't think it's a good look for a party that says it's you know trying to protect the interests and the needs of a minority women who had that I lived in an America abortion was illegal and rich women still got abortions because they could travel and I think that that was probably one of the more not maybe worry less about optics and and weird little phrases and just kind of just remind people that the Supreme Court in recent years that like I don't ever see it making a real comeback Marcia you're looking very skeptically I mean now I I'm trying to I'm that Emoji where the person's like doing the complicated math so maybe it is the right thing to say you know like safe legal rare or the courts have already determined this because learning anything new in order for them to have a to emphasize like this is a really key right that is really shrinking Lee available and just really put that front and center talked about so it's tied up into all of these things but I don't think that there's any space I any real political education on the issue from the mainstream candidates and is becoming so rare in large swath of the country that there is one are two clinics that will provide abortions in an entire huge ability of reliable long acting reversible contraception like Ud's you know and in part because of some of these Targeted regulations against abortion provider trump in two thousand sixteen I mean and so I I also making that strange Emoji because while as I said earlier I see the appeal of like you know playing games with of Mr Action because the abortion rate is going down and has steadily been going down mostly because of the increased abortion like seeing things like that seeing the efficacy of long-running reproductive justice campaigns to change a guy like Joe Biden's Maya S. statements about what we're really tightening the agree and that is something that the political rhetoric around choice and access never really informs anyone between court most of all but it's just generally things that the Democrats are not terribly motivated by or we would have seen we would not have had president bridge ultimately if you say rare maybe that makes it seem it's okay of access is really hard to find so I think we really just need to but also like I said mostly because of the increased accessibility of contraception so like reproductive justice advocates are making it the difference like doing good things Joe Biden reversed his position on the Hyde Amendment which is the the legislation that you were talking about Marcia that prevents women on Medicaid from using their insurance for thin from this is something that I struggle with because what's politically expedient and what's morally right I'm glad that we mentioned Lino when's departure from planned parenthood because that one got super complicated because on one hand this and divorce it from politics I think that she she's a spark person she knows that that's not true but what does it mean for they well could just overall Roe v Wade at some point very soon and really just put a rocket under people's asses about this I also think it's a little bit of just the rhetoric that he uses the positions he takes makes me at least optimistic about where the Democratic Party is going on this if not the direction our country is going on this you're you're having an abortion is like a failure of our desire to have abortions be rare just to convince planned parenthood to make the case that they are a medical provider and that they do provide a lot of these other services dates like this and you know that this policy that trump seem to come up with overnight as no affected immensely you know access is shrinking about abortion and he is one of those people who said well I think abortion is morally wrong but you know I also think it should be legal like to see his change on are sometimes at odds and I think a lot about the fact that you know Elizabeth Warren made a statement at a debate where she said I don't think were at risk I don't think that Democrats are going to do that because Democrats both elected Democrats in voting Democrats have moved left on this issue so much you medical professionals see themselves as political actors in a society I think is a really important question that this conversation should help us really think about like what does it mean for doctors to have a position on an opioid addiction and Medicare for all of these things nations boo kings contracts and invoices all in one place so honey boo makes it simple to run your business letter they have professional template position also even though that particular doctor wasn't the best fit for them yeah all right we have to wrap up now listeners let us know what you think is safely regulates your body temperature throughout the night with more than twenty thousand reviews and an average of four point eight stars across Casper Amazon and Google Casper and then politically have to be the face of the fight for abortion it's really exhausting for them as an organization but this question of where everyone how she kinda got screwed it pimp player but but I think that this question of can you make abortion just a medical issue out of band and institutional mismatch maybe good leader not the right organization but I think it's interesting that she used the Tulsi Gabbard moment like remind legal and rare a productive way to frame the abortion rights issue does it resonate with you you can email us at the waves at slate dot com genuis that it that that whole situation with Dr Wen just makes me very uncomfortable but also makes me wonder if planned parenthood felt that they had to put a doctrine that onus honey boo is offering our listeners fifty percents off when you visit honey boo dot com slash waves came into his flexible and this promotion apply. I think there's this weird way that when if a doctor says well it's just medicine it's it's just deal with medicine I don't deal with politics is so let's see signatures and building automation that keeps everything on track a makes you look good they can even consolidate services you already use like quick books kingdom payments bill if that wasn't part of your vision you need honey Bouc honey brook is an online business management tool that organizes your client community let me ask you a question entrepreneurs when you started your business did you dream of all those Adleman tax like drafting proposals and contracts and Wchs Google Suite Excel and mail chimp or Djamil is the number one choice for client and business management for freelancers and businesses is whether you pay monthly or annually so go to honeybee dot com slash waves for fifty percent of your first year that's honey brook dot com Tom Waves okay loneliness there've been a few so low setting which many ways might seem lonely their home becomes set there there because they you know everything has to be so perfectly poised imposed and it practically have to take hundreds of these shots to get the right one by topic Evanston in New York they pointed out some things about these kind of high profile huge follow account
Dell unveils latest in XPS and Alienware lines
"Your destination for gadgets ungeared I'm Fred fishkill. Just? When many folks needed most dallas out with refreshed line of xps notebooks, the all new x S. Seventeen and redesigned X. P. S. fifteen feature, infinity edge, displays and Intel tenth generation processors. Product Marketing Manager. Cami Coghlan's they are both the smallest in their class, so the fifteen the smallest fifteen six performance class laptop. With the best screen to body ratio, and then the seventeen is actually the smallest Senate team inch on the planet, because of that foresight in committee play actually smaller than forty eight percent, fifteen inch laptop on the market today impressive especially with the available and video art. The graphics and waves next three D audio. Can find more on the lineup at Dell. Dot Com. You can find us at text. NATION DOT COM I'm Fred Friskin now this? How many companies out there have continued to innovate when it comes to building a better radio? I'm red fish skin host of TEX. Donation and I'm here to tell you about the news CDC. Sky Wave SP radio from the wonderful people at sea crane. Baba descru- really loved radio, and it shows in this new compact model that is packed with features beyond great am. FM Reception Unsound You can tune in to shortwave signals from around the world. LISTEN TO HAM radio, operators, aviation, and more. It's the radio you'll turn to every day and in emergencies it will run for nearly three days on just to double A. Batteries hair, the sleep timer with the new soft speaker three and you've got the perfect radio for your nightstand. Of course it can wake you up to click on C.. Crane at text nation Dot Com and put in the code text nation for free flashlight with your order. They Love Radio and you'll love secretly.
Older than the slinky: Iowa Democratic voters say age matters for 2020
"Welcome to the live from meet the press. I'm carried Dan happy. Monday, hope you all had an awesome weekend doing stuff that didn't involve spending your Saturday night, reading polling cross tabs, but a lot of political junkies, did just that. Because the divine register in combination with CNN released a new poll on Saturday night of Iowa democratic caucus goers. And okay. Y'all know the drill by now I'm not gonna talk too much about the horse race except to say, Yup. In iowa. It's Biden in the lead. And then there's a cluster of Sanders, Warren and Buddha. Judge in the mid teens than everyone else. But say it with me everyone, there's a lot to learn inside the numbers to here is one big takeaway. I a Democrats like Democrats nationwide are significantly more concerned with beating Donald Trump than they are with individual candidates policy ideas. Two thirds said it's more important to them that the Iowa winner has a strong chance of beating Trump just a third say. It's more important that the winner shares their position on key issues. Here's another tidbit that we learned. I would democratic caucus, goers are divided on the big question, the I word whether or not their party should start impeachment proceedings. Forty-two percent say yet stardom now ASAP, do not Pasco do not collect two hundred dollars but more actually forty eight percent. Say keep investigating but let's not do impeach it right now. Here's another thing that really stuck out to me the register asked people, whether they thought various traits would be an advantage or a disadvantage for a democratic nominee when it comes to beating Donald Trump. The thing that the biggest share of Iowa Democrats, thought. That's a big disadvantage, stop me. If you've heard this one, it's being over seventy years old, nearly half of Iowa. Democrats say being over seventy is a disadvantage against Donald Trump, which is exactly what the two most dominant candidates to date are being. Of course Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders who were born before the invention of the slinky. I am not making that up and that is my new favorite fact. That's a live for us. If you'd like to hear more of this free audio briefing, you can add, meet the press delivered to your flash briefings on Amazon Alexander devices or just down the us as a free podcast.
If it looks phishy, dont click. COVID-19 is spawning lots of online scams.
"The you're working from home. Your defenses are down your desperate for information or maybe just a cool new face. Mask and state-sponsored. Hackers are counting on all of those feelings to get you to click on their sketchy emails from American public media. This is marketplace tech demystifying the digital economy. I'm molly would militias hacking. Activity is way up over the past couple of months a report this month from Google found that twelve groups with ties to foreign governments are using content related to covert nineteen to create phishing emails. That try to trick people into turning over personal information or clicking leaks that can install malware hackers commonly used major events news headlines and disasters to try to trick people into making bad decisions so they can compromise their computers and unfortunately right now the cove in nineteen pandemic provides them with a whole lot of beat lily. Hey Newman is a senior writer at wired. Who wrote about the Google report? Google found that state-sponsored hackers from countries around the world are using kind of the cover of the pandemic to mount their attacks. So it's important to note because while there have been a a lot of different types of attacks coming from everywhere as a result of this from criminals from scammers. There was an idea that nation state hackers government-backed hackers might be taking advantage of this as well and Google's report shows that that's the case the what does that look like specifically as it mostly phishing attacks that might be aimed at people who work in corporations or sensitive infrastructure. Right exactly so in one case Google saw a campaign targeting. Us government workers but on their personal email accounts with phishing emails. That were trying to steal those google log in credentials and they were emails that pretended to be from fast food. Companies with coupons. You know you know. They're targeting government workers. But it's your personal account. It's about food. It's you know it feels so totally removed from the types of things people might be looking out for that you can see how it's sort of a clever way to try to take advantage of this right. Have we seen any results from this? I feel like I saw that. I mean certainly. There were zoom emails and passwords for sale. But I feel like I also saw maybe. Who or the Bill Gates Foundation had been targeted right? There have been a number of high profile attacks coming to light so far people are sort of mostly saying either. It doesn't seem that the attacks were successful. Were that not confirmed you know. They're not sure. Basically researchers really cautioned that. It's likely that it's happening. That nation state attackers again from countries around the world mad they are successfully grabbing credentials. And trying to just sort of lay low so just because we haven't heard about the bombshell yet doesn't mean it's not happening right. And what is kind of the worst case scenario here? I mean do you think. Cyber security officials are worried about nine eleven style. Cyberattack attack in the midst of what is already a pretty destabilizing event. It certainly is possible. If you know that someone could mount disruptive offensive cyber security attack like that you know the bigger issue with this specifically is the idea that It's just a fertile time for a huge amount of intelligence gathering so so I think those are the worst case scenario concerns right now and then tell us what it is about this moment that makes us more vulnerable to these phishing. Attempts is it. You know the combination of clever appeals in phishing emails. And just our general destructiveness. I definitely think that's a lot of it. The pandemic just provides so much great fodder and when I say great. I mean problematic chorus because I you know it just goes on and on. It's like you have a people's home living situation being different. Maybe you know they go to the store to get groceries or trying to find toilet paper like all these you know. Acts of daily living are now different but then also their job is different. Or maybe they're out of work or they're in China seek government assistance sore just so many aspects of our daily lives are altered are impacted by the situation that it creates a lot of fodder for all the different types of Guy. You know masquerading emails. You could write pretending to be related to any of those things. It would be more likely to come across as genuine because people are scared. Concern Seeking Information. All feelings of a sense of urgency. That make it more likely that phishing attacks will be successful and then combined with that a you know a lot of people are working from home they're using VPN's their companies are seeing all this remote traffic on their networks and that's now expected because all their workers are remote. But what if someone else's remote you know who isn't supposed to be there? It's a lot easier to hide in that traffic because it it all looks the same so a lot of types of concerns coming out of these conditions lily. Hey Newman is a senior writer. At wired the latest high profile attack Nintendo said Friday that up to one hundred and sixty thousand accounts had been hacked. It asked users to reset their passwords. Nintendo's animal crossing has been one of the sleeper hits of the corona virus lockdown and now for some related links. We'll have a link to Lilly Newman story on our website. Marketplace Tech Dot Org. There's also an Al Jazeera piece there about corporate hacking in particular with some pretty disturbing numbers in it one security executives said there's a cybersecurity pandemic happening at the same time as the Kobe. Nineteen pandemic especially since remote. Workers are more vulnerable to intrusion. One software insecurity company said ransomware attacks had jumped one hundred and forty eight percent in March. It's tracking an FBI. Cyber security officials said reports about hacking. Were coming in at a rate of three to four times. Normal there's going to be a lot of cleanup from this you guys and here's what else we're watching in tech. We told you there would be tech earnings this week. Alphabet kicked it off Tuesday reporting a thirteen percent increase in revenue overall including fifty two percent increase in its cloud business year-over-year and thirty three percent growth year over year for Youtube. Now a four billion dollar business in its own right but alphabet said it considers that slow growth actually and said the second quarter which will reflect the real impact of the corona virus. Crisis is likely to be not good Microsoft and facebook announced earnings tomorrow. Facebook has recently put out a slew of new products to compete in the corona virus age including a competitor to zoom and always on chat rooms. That are kind of like House Party and facebook owned instagram and tick tock both announced new tools on Tuesday to support fundraising and donations to charities on their platforms instagram. We'll let creators take donations during live streams and show who donated so they can get shouts and tick tock announced donation stickers for live streams and recorded videos people tap the sticker and then they're taking to a page where they can donate to a collection of pre picked charities so if this is our entertainment now at least it can let us do good while we stream. I'm Ali wouldn't that's marketplace tech this is a PM.
New poll: Americans deadlocked on impeachment
"Welcome to the live from meet the press. I`Ma Carry Dan. It is impeachment day and it's a double whammy over here in the NBC. macy news political unit. Because it's also impeachment poll day. This is hot off the presses today but NBC News in The Wall Street Journal or out with are extremely only timely numbers about what Americans think about impeachments and welp there unchanged. We're deadlocked along party lines again. As is the clock. Ticks on down folks forty eight percent of Americans think president trump should be impeached and removed from office. And get this exactly the same share forty eight percents say. He shouldn't be those who say he should go. Eight in ten Democrats those who say he should stay nine in ten Republicans. Independents are just about evenly. SPLIT DOWN The middle. We also try to ask a new question to get at sort of the question of why these numbers really haven't moved very much during the impeachment inquiry itself. Here's how we asked this which comes close to how you feel about impeachment option. One trump has not done anything wrong. Those are the diehards right and a quarter of Americans picked that statement option to trump may have done something wrong but it does not rise to the level of impeachment that response was given by twenty two percent of Americans option. Three trump's actions in the situation with Ukraine is the first thing he has done that warrants being impeached. Only eight percents of the country. Thinks that's which leaves option option for the most commonly picked option quotes trump's previous actions before the situation with Ukraine were already grounds for impeachment. Now forty four. Four percent picked that so if you're wondering why the polling on impeachment has been so static the fact that almost half the country says the the whole. Ukraine mess isn't even that relevant because of other previous stuff. Trump has done well kind of sensory other results in the poll. A slight majority approves approves of the impeachment inquiry itself. That's unchanged from October and as far as the politics when asked how impeachment might affect their vote for Congress about a third heard of Americans say they're more likely to vote for a member who supported impeachment and removing trump from office about a third. Say they're actually less likely to vote for that person and any up about a third say. So that's the impeachment Steph and stay tuned because we polled about some other topics that aren't impeachment and all of that is coming tomorrow. We'll talk about it on this very here. PODCAST so yeah see you tomorrow. That's a live for us. If you'd like to hear more of this audio taping you can always let us on your favorite podcast. Hey It's Chris as you know sometimes it's good to just take a step back from the day-to-day onslaught of news and take our broader. Look at the issues. That's what I'm doing each week. My podcast why is this happening. We're exploring topics ranging from school segregation to climate change. Well the way that I think of it is. Climate Change will be to the twentieth century. What Madera west of the nineteenth century. It'll be the central subject of of questions about economic justice. Everything you care about in the world will be affected by climate and digging deep with guests uniquely qualified to analyze issues from mass incarceration to race relations. As as you know for the first time in our history at the national level whites are on the verge of losing their majority status in twenty years. And I think it's no coincidence that our politics are getting adding more tribal. Join me for. Why is this happening. New episodes every Tuesday. Wherever you get your podcasts.
That coalmine canary is singin' a tune about November
"Welcome to the live from meet the press. I'm Kerry Dan. November seems very very very far away right now. Many things are gonNA happen. Between now and November and be honest. Most of them are very scary and unknowable. Although I do know that in six months we will have all perfected face. You make on a video conference call when you want everyone to think you're paying attention. But you're really like googling stupid videos. Because they mitigate your existential dread but while November does seem very far away the stakes for the general election are if anything even higher with the nation's top leadership being tested day by day by day in an unprecedented crisis and something interesting has been happening in the polling when it comes to Joe Biden's chances versus Donald Trump over the. We saw two very different general election polls schilling somewhat different results. A Fox News poll found Biden with a nine point lead in a head to head matchup for stump but an ABC Washington Post poll found Biden with just eight two point lead. The two surveys were in the field basically at the same time. Give or take a day. Both surveyed registered voters and both found. Interestingly the same approval rating for president trump of a very high for him forty eight percent. Now which is closer to the real number the Fox News polls showing nine point for Biden or the ABC post-poll shown. Just a two point lead. Honestly we just have to wait for more data to know for sure basically if the Fox News numbers rights and I put writes in quotation marks here right because polls are a snapshot in time. Remember it would mean that people may be more supportive of trump during this time of National Crisis. But it's not translating to their vote choice if the ABC number is right again in quotation marks. It would mean that people may be actually rethinking how they want to vote in November. We will simply need more polling data to know which number is closer to reality right now but in either case there are two ways to look at this general election landscape from what we know about it now way number one trump's approval rating is inching up which we do not the case end. That may be helping his chances against Biden way number despite trump's approval inching up Joe Biden is still leading him nationally at a time when other people in Corona virus leadership roles like Governor Andrew Cuomo for example are seeing enormous approval rating boosts compared to the one for trump which is quite modest in comparison in other words. Is The glass half full? The glass half empty for either candidate again. More data is needed but we may end up looking back at this time as a Canarian. The Choline for whatever is actually going to happen in the general election. That said at times like this. You just Kinda have to embrace not being able to know a lot of things and we simply don't know what the arc of the story is going to be as the death toll mounts and if it seemed too early to make November predictions in a world without corona virus. That is even crazier to make any predictions about politics right now. Which I guess means more time for dumb pet videos. I am so here for those. That's a lead for us. If you'd like to hear more of this briefing you can always download us on your favorite podcast APP. Hey It's Chris. As this week on my podcast. Why is this happening? I'LL BE TALKING WITH JOHN. Berry author of the book the Great Influenza about the last Global Pandemic. We analyzed what cities did in nineteen eighteen and found that those cities which intervened early had a much better experience at the very least in terms of flattening the curb. If the intervene too late the virus is already widely disseminated in your community and no intervention is GonNa have any effect if the enemy is already inside the home. It doesn't do you any good to lock the door at this week on. Why is this happening? Search for wise happening wherever you're listening right now and subscribe.
October 24th 2019
"The twenty four th it's two thousand nineteen and that's right that's right let boys and girls yesterday we did the onus call for Tessler and so we're going to go over this the Helix Jim boys and girls nobody Ilan Deli apologizing tesla network cashews it Sir and so he did for the first time at least for the first time that I remember he said full self driving feature complete means by the end of the year you're basically out a dry from your door through the streets onto the freeway off the freeway to your work but you'll have to watch what the Caz doing kind of like you do with autopilot right now by the end of next year it's ten into the regulators would be some time after that so very aggressive time line is still learn sit will see and he said that full complete and that is that they happy that can do the whole thing while you smoke cigarettes and drink my ties and not be involved with a car at all but full self driving at the same as here in the US but it'll allow them to do up to three thousand more per week oopsy when they get into full production so we'll see then I get that tryout but the rest of us and not going to get a binding the it'll be sometime next year so again a little bit behind when it comes to these full self driving things similar but in so many ways the model is better it's the head back it sits up higher it's the form factor that sort of CRV SUV kind of thing that Americans buck per share and so that's good because they needed to make some Dole's let me tell you very much the revenue was about where the street thought about six point three three billion dollars or is it seems to be beginning in China right now just sort of slowly beginning and they noted that and they believe that the margins on those guys are going to be about the same as the US we've thought because expenses look like they're going to be a lot less that the margins would be a lot higher because it's a new production facility and they gotta work things out initially at least they're saying the margins should be self driving feature complete by the end of the some people will have it by the end of this year so this is not going to be something that we're all going to say there's going to be a few alpha and a few Beta testers because we dive deep into the details but first of all most importantly tesla an answer a surprise prophet the markets had expected a loss of twenty cents and they made over for substantially more than sedan. Now maybe you know the model three is cheaper and it it'll it'll get a little bit more range and maybe it won't be as big as deal as I think going to reduce the number of sales of model are going to get that a little bit and they're like no no that's not going to happen when we came out with Model X. Model s sales actually went I don't think it matters if people don't get a model three and get a model way as long as you can make lots of model wise it's actually better for Tesla to sell two million model for commercial that this is smooth things out they are now basically able to go with one step one day go there and pull your solar up here but the big thing that they've hacked big that's huge in that Lodge Wanna call out one piece of BS though because one of the analysts will do you worry that model why is everybody wants if they could have a hatchback versus a normal trunk people WanNa hatchback so we'll see but I'm going to call a little bit of Beers on that I think it is going to affect but I don't think it matters talk a little bit about full self driving and again one of the analysts what do you mean when you say future complete by the end of the year and full self driving by the end of next can you actually is smoothing out the approval process they've working with three hundred fifty different cities and counties and they're basically giving him a template way of getting paperwork through this is huge the growth INTESA was tesla energy a forty eight percent increase in solar installations they say that now they've got basically three packages for residential and a couple packages begin as early as the first quarter on was sort of suggesting that they could be at fairly reasonable volume production by the SUMMA and they don't want to overstate that so thanks maybe I'm over personalizing this but I think the model is a significantly more attractive cow the mole three in as much as I love them all three that just that hatchback alone is what and so all that's not that interesting do it when they make money sue let's talk about the other stuff most of all muddled Y so we've had some stories that may be modeled y production could or about how they did that that actually could be a big deal because there's a huge enormous delays from when you order your soul to win you get the permiting to win put it on big this is where so many of the delays occur is because of trying to deal with each installation has to have various big city up and I've got a cool what I think is GonNa be on that I just do not see how when you come out with model why that it doesn't significantly affect modal three these two guys are very perfect sort of set of instructions given to the utilities and all this crap so it I don't exactly know what they mean but it seems like they've smooth it out enormously we're going to have to Y summer production but it sound like they could actually have already been up and running a little bit before that and we certainly have seen lots of modal wise at the in the wilderness as it were so that's his than one million model threes and one million model was because the margins are almost certainly going to be better so I'm going to call this but I don't think it matters gigafactory three production began used all of the batteries to get model three up but now they're able to do more and more and here in California they're going to sell about one point six trillion trillion of these batches because pg some backup so that is going to be a huge part of the business going forward and he said they wanna be an international sort of creator of distributed energy they'll say the solar they'll say the he and others have said that they're going to be switching the power on an ongoing basis when the winds pick up here in California to stop by as for at least the next ten years so that going to sell so much storage here in California continue already friends colleagues for their businesses for the houses already saying okay now tell me about these batteries progressive this is an ongoing thing when they switch it on so if there's somehow heck that that is enormous begin lodge now storage is huge there's a huge amount of growth in this era they said they would constrain because model three and it's a great Karen don't tell me Tesla don't tell me the debt hasn't cannibalized excels of course it has to say otherwise I think is host hockey poo poo a significant number more KAZ so the super charger issue is still a problem it's a big problem in my mind as and then what else did they didn't really do any significant supercharge update they just sort of said that the standard range and standard range plus model threes a tree when the lights go out you'll let's go out they improve their cash in the bag substantially so that's good because they've got a little bits that are still outstanding substantial debts is an accent at least short term health this is a really good quarter the meant a lot of cash they expect to continue to make cash going forward but they did acknowledge that some every now and then there's it's interesting because one of their big investors just yesterday sold forty million dollars worth of stock and right now the person that did that is getting a significant slap upside the head is that Dana Lot Q. Three this year compared to Q. Three last year and this is part of that thing why are they so much where what big part of why they Dana's because be some quarters where that doesn't happen with I do investments where in seasonal slowdowns in that kind of thing but things are looking good and the stock price just pumped about twenty are gonna be able to charge a little faster there was a significant growth in superchargers I've lost you but it was like twenty two percent here in the US but there was being the boys which I think we're gonNA record on Saturday and Sunday with the show is Ilan daily POW token tests on network. I think you can go to bed tonight feeling pretty good about Tesla's breath Jimbo's goes I think that's enough for today we'll do a little bit more on this tomorrow we'll dig into it a bit more and then there'll be a big show allowed show grandchildren ole miss show a patron show fairly quickly today because we've got a big show grand show coming up with the boys on Sunday.
Frequently Asked Question Friday January 17, 2020
"Please welcome please welcome. This is another episode of the defenders of business value. PODCAST podcast where we talk about. One makes a the business volleyball during the tips and tactics to increase your company's value. They're only veteran deal-maker snow. And now here's your house plan. Welcome back to the defenders business value. PODCAST I'm your host dead mice gland. I help business. Owners understand the value in their companies so that they can sell when they want how they want into whom they want Last week was our first installment of frequently asked question Friday's based on the feedback. It was well received. So we're going to continue with this and this week. We have three new questions. So let's get to it. The first question is how value a business. That's a that's a tough one so it depends on the business but let me see if I can't help you a little bit on your question. So there's three approaches valuing anti-business the asset income and market approach the first one the asset approaches as it sounds it focuses on the components of the company so that tangible intangible assets and you value them individually and you add them together to come up with a value now. It typically renders the lowest value but I tend to only use it when I have an underperforming company and and there's not a whole lot of goodwill associated with the company. The second one is the income approach. Income approach is based on forecasting. I in the space that I work in a small business forecasts are extremely difficult. And they're only I guess I should say the only time I ever use them ms if my client has a history of being able to forecast accurately their next two three years and even that's not enough but That's a conversation for another day but what the takeaway is it's based on forecasting. So if you don't if you are unable able to forecast with any degree of certainty it's probably not the approach for you. The last one and I and I spend most of my time using it is the market approach. Market approach is based on as it sounds we use Privately held sale data and apply to the company. We're valuing so. We look at revenue cash flow and we applied to the company were valuing that serves as a proxy for value as much as I don't like the analogy algae think of the market approach as valuing a home so you you see other homes with four four bedrooms two baths within a certain area and you can apply what you learn about those homes uh-huh and apply to your home to get kind of a rough estimate. Well the same thing you can do with a business. The the challenge that we have is is market the data. But if you listen to my podcast with Kenny Wu and at a Manson from deal stance. You'll hear how we get that information and how we apply it. The next question is from a person that welcoming in league just read the question. How do I know if I have a customer concentration issue I have one one client that represents forty percent of my total revenue? Will I be able to sell my business. As I've indicated on the PODCAST and most businesses are salable at some price and the the challenge becomes a matter of risk and reward and identification Asiana value in a case of customer concentration. We we bump into. How does the buyer mitigate that risk because PLO sale? They don't know what's going to happen whether or not the buyer or whether or not that customer is going to stay with them. We was the relationship with with With the view the owner. Or how does that. How does that work? And so if if I'm a buyer I have to come up with a way to mitigate that risk and typically it's it's done through Earn outs otherwise known as if then financing so if x Y Z happen. I will pay you so so. Yeah that's the. That's the challenge with customer concentration. So now let's address the forty percent so as you examined the forty percent. I think the first couple of things that you need to examine is where is your profit coming from. So and for example we had a client that lost a twenty percent of their their business but it was making up forty eight percent of their profitability. So it was a it was considerably bigger. Hit so my my my common to you or my suggestion would be dig deep into that customer and see how valuable they are to your business so now addressing the saleability matter. Yeah I think I think it is but I think you need to understand that it is so long as there's a customer concentration challenge that at the buyer is going to have to mitigate that risk and that's going to spook the lenders going to Spook the buyers so what what. What do you do the first thing you can do is anticipate that the buyer is going to make part of the purchase price contingent upon retention of that customer? So you may have to alter some of your posts sale plans in in order to accommodate that transition SEC. You may have to stay with the business you know a elongated time to ensure that the that that client or that customer has transitioned over to to the new buyer you may want to deploy some sort of incentive program for the within the organization or your sales people that can help you diversify that customer base. Anyway I'm not going to sugar coat. It it is challenging challenge in and one one of which is surmountable. But you're just going to have to understand that it's going to take a little bit more than then the normal deal in order to get out from under it if you are looking for some some ways to diversify your customer base Email me off. Line edit vendors of business value out. Do what I can do to help you out okay. Our final question is which is more valuable a franchise or an independent small business and and unfortunately it's one of those things where I have to say it depends so some buyers perfer you know the the independent Businesses whereas others are just the opposite. They need a system that has been worked out that they simply can follow and if they do everything they're supposed to do they should be able to turn a profit. Well let's take a look at some of the attributes related to independent dependent as well as franchise businesses so the ownership model is the first thing and when we look at it. You know. Franchises are our system I mean the infrastructure is put together and there's an everything's been systematized whereas a independent business may not be systematized sized and so it requires the owner to put in more effort In order to to operate the business effectively. If you have ever read Michael Gerbers e Myth or myth revisited. You'll see that I mean that's that's one of the things as systematising doing the business. So it's documented almost operating like a franchise the next thing you have to consider size. I mean when you have when you're an independent I I mean you may have. You may have the the corner on a particular type of Service or product that you're selling but when you look at a a franchise for example chances are they're probably a national national brand and they have better name recognition than you. You have local presence. They probably we have national presence of probably the last thing that I would I would bring up. Is the success rate. I mean that proofs in the bunny so when we look at Both types of businesses. I think you find that. There is it's debatable able whether or not one type of business is more successful than the other and you have to evaluate the each business. Based on its merits. I was speaking at an event the other day and they brought up the topic of subways. So if you took A subway sandwich shop that was is generating two hundred thousand dollars in profit. And you have Joe Sandwich shop that generating two hundred thousand dollars in profit which is more valuable likely. It's the a subway because the subway has less risk associated with it and that would be reflected in the in the multiple. Okay that's all the questions questions for today. If you have a question you can go to defenders business value dot com and all throughout the website including right right down the sidebar. There's a ask a question. Just click it and you can follow the directions and either record or submit Mitt a question and we'll put it on the air. If you'd like to contact me directly you can do so at edit defenders of business value where you can reach me on twitter at Ed Mice O. M. Y.. So thank you so much for your attention and we'll see you next week. This was another episode Soda. The defenders of business value podcast for more episodes packed with strategies to increase the value of your business visit defenders of business value dot com confidential notes transcripts in free tools to start you on your journey. Subscribe now so you don't miss any future episodes.
Trump's Pandemic Polling Slide
"Welcome to the point for April tenth. I'm Lauren designed ski. Co Author of the point. I'm here to cut through the political spin to bring you the news you need to know. President Donald Trump's approval rating and the public's approval of his handling of the corona virus. Pandemic have trended down in the last month that is according to a new poll of polls from CNN which averages five of the most recent nonpartisan live operator national surveys on each topic. Trump's averaged approval rating stands at forty six percent approve forty nine percent disapprove that approval rating dropped two percent from late. March among respondents. About half forty nine percent approve of how the president is handling the corona virus while forty eight percent disapprove. Trump has seen higher than average approval ratings in recent weeks considering that his approval has historically been notoriously stable however the plummeting economy and concerns over corona virus could catch up with trump and eventually spell bad news for his approval ratings. Let's get to the point across the board polling shows President Donald Trump's approval rating has dipped as the corona virus crisis has worsened. And that is the point for April. Tenth Twenty twenty for more updates throughout the week including our Sunday night campaign edition subscribe to the point newsletter at CNN dot com slash. Point if you like this audio briefing you can get every single weekday on Google home or Amazon Echo or subscribe on Stitcher or apple podcasts. Or your favorite podcast APP. So you never miss an episode
Slate Plus Bonus Episode: South Carolina and Super Tuesday
"This is a special slate plus episode about the South Carolina Democratic primary and a preview of Super Tuesday. If you want to hear the full episode subscribed by going to slate dot com slash Plus a political gaffe as from March first twenty twenty very special South Carolina Super Tuesday episode. I am David Plots of atlas obscured joining me from New York by skype. Which may explain. Why the audio quality on this show is as high as it is. An unusual shows joining the on this freight Sunday morning here in Washington. I don't even know what kind of Sunday morning it is in New York is John Dickerson. Cbs's sixty minutes. Hello John Hello David. It's bright and clear but quite cold that a metaphor. Let's not even talk about a metaphor. John Let's get started last night Joe Biden got the big win. He's been looking for in the Democratic race. He won the South Carolina primary almost majority of all voters but but if huge huge margin between him and Bernie Sanders who is in second place with about twenty percent of the boat Biden. Got About Forty eight percent of the vote. Tom Steiner finish third already dropped out. Was this the winning big margin that Joe Biden? Who has been winning big? Is that the winning big margin but he needed I think so I mean he has obviously had disastrous showings before by the way this is the first primary. He's ever one and three times running for the presidency and it couldn't come at a better time. I mean you know. Expectations are a funny thing in primaries. And they've you know. Bill Clinton came in second in nineteen ninety two in New Hampshire. That was considered a big thing. Muskie one but not by enough in New Hampshire in nineteen seventy two and. That was a big thing. I think when you win by this many points twenty points that's a lot I and when you have the energy remember if you want to hear the rest of this episode please subscribe to slate plus by going to dot com slash gabfest plus.
The Barrett Brief- How Will Airline Travel Change Post COVID19
"This whole idea of sanitizing the world or not being able to move on. That's really what it is. The American public is the jilted lover who just can't move on right. They're stuck in this moment. They're stuck in March twenty twenty when the virus I quote unquote hit and you could almost make a case that people are in. Ptsd at this point. They just don't have the means or the ability to move on because for about three weeks straight they were told everyone was going to die. And there was no way for you to leave your house or go to the grocery store or go to walgreens or go anywhere without getting this virus. Which means you'll die. Would you know we were lectured by the health? The health teacher. You'RE GONNA get gonorrhea and die right. Well you'RE GONNA get covert and die. That's what it was for three weeks. People have been so because it also speaks to the fact that Americans are not mentally fit. I E tough I e can actually get through things but we knew that was coming because of awoke progressive triggered culture that didn't allow for people to overcome difficulties. You put a week culture with they manufactured Hype around a disease once again. The disease is real but the hype surrounding it was not you start to get to these ideas and we start to see these by negative of YouGov Dot Com saying air. Travel will likely never be the same but Americans can get by at least some of the potential changes coming to the industry so this YouGov survey of about fourteen hundred. People talked about certain measures. They oppose in certain measures. They don't like I don't like the mind but I like that one okay. So they broke it out into millennials. Gen xers and baby boomers which is good for me because I see according to Yougov I am a Gen. Xer and not a baby boomer. So Yay for me Anyway I'll go through the categories again deep cleaning after each flight sanitizing guidelines monitoring all passengers temperatures heart rate and respiratory rates requiring passengers to go with the bags to go through more disinfection processes removing all in-flight entertainment that shared tests for antibodies have requiring all passengers to provide a medical document during online check in confirming the presence of antibodies. So out of these Ryan Disa- all of these Are the only one that really makes sense as deep cleaning after each flight because planes are gross anyway that one gets the most support at eighty two percent rats. I think we can all say if that was like we're GONNA WE'RE GONNA make sure we got a deep cleaning after each flight. I think most be will be like. Oh that's good. I think that's actually very Proactive very appropriate for the situation. And then as they go down the lesbian adding sanitizing guidelines to be mandated flight L. During the flight safety demonstration. Can you believe that all right? Everybody the the exits are at the middle back of the plane. You see the Strip on the bottom. That's your exit lights. This is the hand sanitizer. You pump once you do get a bit of the hand. Sanitizer administered to your hands. You press down on the top until there's a little bit in your hands. Rub for twenty six. Can you get the plane in the air please? I don't know how to use the heads Eiser. Can you get to play in the air that go now? I'm sorry Sir. We have to actually watch how we'RE GOING TO DEMONSTRATE HOW TO. Rub Your Hands Together for twenty seconds until then. Because if you don't you won't be able to pull the TAB on your life vest because that's going to have germs on. Do you know what lady let me die. How about that? Sorry Sir. We can't do that. That's not an FAA guidelines like you're GonNa show me how to sanitize my hands. I'm British sure if you don't know that Bhai now we'll have Tommy. Come back there and hit you on the with attack. Amer because you are a retard So that won't clocks in at about seventy six percent of people because seventy six percent of people are too frigging stupid to understand how to sanitize the hands on a flight which anyway you know player. Gross number three the monitoring of all passenger temperatures heart and respiratory rates prior to boarding. A flight is it going to be like that thing at Walmart where you stick your hand in and gives you like. That's ridiculous that's ridiculous in that regard as to you're gonNA take first of all temperature checks temperature. Checks are not the be all end all even found. She has said. That doesn't work right. Even the you know what let's say. I have temperature but I gotta get on this business flight logistics that knocks down temperature. Temperature check is useless my heart rate respiratory rate sir. You're breathing heavily. I'm nervous because I'm about to get on an airplane and I've been standing in line six feet from everybody else for fifteen minutes. I'm a little upset right now. Sir You can't get on this flight. The next one requiring all passenger bags go through more disinfectant will the monitoring of all passenger body temperatures. You pretty much getting a physical comes in at sixty four percent. This is of all. Us adults Now I don't mind if we were you know. GonNa hit all the passenger bags with the UV light. Because most people's bags are gross anyway to the next one removing all shared in-flight entertainment touchscreens. Magazi- magazines a gross. Don't pick up the magazines on the flight. You don't know who's been touching that stuff right. They're telling you to look at the safety card. I'm looking at that lady like I'd rather die touch that safety card. Do you know it's probably on that damn thing you fly all over the DAG on world stick in hand on that debt card. I ain't touching that forty eight percent of people. Luckily Americans need their entertainment right. I need my in-flight. Entertainment Bra can't take touchscreens And then finally won't have. We got two left testing for antibodies directly before a flight. Because yeah that's GonNa go swimmingly guys rushing to the airport. You got your four kids with you would you? If you're a good Catholic got four five kids. Yeah I gotta get all my kids pricked and then have them check for which one of the amazing people that work at the airport which one of the well train amazing not at all upset at their life choices staff members at the airport which one of them I gonNa Trust to stick me with a needle right. Definitely won't be de- As a I'm GONNA get shipped in the TSA line because we try to look for anybody's. Luckily that one only comes in forty five percent and then finally requiring passengers to provide a medical document during online checking confirming the presence of antibodies. We have to say at least that one comes in thirty six percent. That's the lowest all right. That's fine but to be to be completely honest. The first one's not bad just actually cleaned the plane instead of just picking up the trash in the back. Some of this stuff Is JUST RIDICULOUS. And and this you're GonNa have tested for anybody. Knee ain't tested me. I just won't fly and you're not sticking me in the airport because that places gross to rich way thin. It's a congregating plate. It is a place where people congregate from all over the country in a confined space right. Airports are fine Blah Blah Blah. But you gotta realize a lot of people in a tiny space from all over the place of course. Passengers are expecting the airlines to provide them personal protective equipment for free. I can't even get a frigging soda on time. And you're expecting them. Give me a a protective mask when I get on board. 'cause you know some of these airlines are going to be like you can have a regular math or you can upgrade with sixty five billion airline miles you can get the Super American Airlines mask. It look it's got the logo on it. It's made from super soft. They're gonNA find a way to make sure you get screwed out of that too. We actually 'cause the mass no providers like a thin Napkin with loops. That would they'll make new ones of it'll be a thin napkin with some loops on the side and then they'll say well if you upgrade. I'm sorry are you. Member of our world one golder like six different types of passer or are you a member of our gold world gold travel gold class status maximum. Or do you just want to pay seventy five dollars for the for your mask? I thought you're supposed to give it to me for free. Yes Sir do you see this one? That's pretty much the Napkin that you get at the drive through at Sonic. That doesn't really pick anything up. You can have this one or you. Can Upgrade for free will not upgrade while I have sixty thousand miles. Sorry sixty thousand sixty thousand five hundred five hundred miles short but I'll I'll have it at the end of this flight. Then you'll get it on the next flight you. Can you see how this sowed ridiculous? But do you see how this is going. The airlines just need a couple. They need like a couple of months to find a way to just absolutely. Just take this and just make it all about money. The place that charges you for a check bag is not gonNA figure out a way to charge you for p. p. e.
The Barrett Brief-Despite The Decline In Deaths, Mericans Still Thinks Worst Of COVID19
"Even though the CDC quietly announced on Friday. Hey by the way A. deadset dropped so much that it's not even an epidemic anymore. CDC Qualifies Disease Outbreak as an epidemic if the number of deaths tributed to disease exceeds a certain percentage of total debts per week. That threshold for pneumonia, influenza and Kobe nineteen fluctuates slightly depending on the time of year. Ranging from around seven percent at the height of flu season to around five percent in less virulent. Virulent months. CDC data indicates that the deaths from those elements began skyrocketing in the country around the second week of March. Hitting a peak around May and then plummeting. Quickly after that. The latest data shows the percentage of deaths in the country attributed to the loss of fact, the driven into those factors. Had As of last week. June reached the lowest point since the end of last year. Becoming equal to the current epidemic threshold. Of five point nine percent. According to the CDC. The agency notes the official tally of debts will likely change more deaths. certifications are process particularly for recent weeks yet the number of debts attributed Dacoven, nineteen, which we already know. We already know. That it's all about classification. Then, they'll just start attributing anybody who died diving cove nineteen as we've heard. As. We have heard other states that yeah, if you view dieting, you had Cobra nineteen. You died of it. People are so dumb. They don't understand the nuance of dying from covid nineteen. Or dying with. Cove nineteen. That's a huge difference. A huge difference. I'll link it in the room right now. Folks if you're looking for this article. Crusade channel, DOT COM Slash Chatham, dropping knowledge in their folks getting their. Remember deaths from covid nineteen, sharply different from debts with. covid nineteen. So let's see. The welcome news comes as fears over the second wave of viruses have gripped. The US with some states experience fresh surges of Covid nineteen along with increased hospitalization. Although infections are significantly up in some places, deaths throughout the country remained flat. Do Likely to several factors. What's the biggest factor? Young people are getting sick. I'll. I will only site my state. The case demographics. Right now. Between the ages of twenty to twenty nine years old, four thousand people have been infected thirty to thirty nine four thousand people forty to forty nine years of age about four thousand people fifty to fifty nine years of age three thousand everybody else. Is under twenty. Five are under twelve hundred cases. The the level twenty twenty nine or want me to say between the ages of twenty and forty nine is the largest. Group in fact it. Why is that not a huge deal? Because the average young person who gets infected. Doesn't. have symptoms. or They're like Oh, stuffy nose! And then I got diagnosed with covert. Or A had a headache. And I and I got diagnosed. They're not. Getting. All. The symptoms. That were being told that everybody's getting. And remember. I'll say it again from the CDC. Even if you test positive for covid nineteen. From the CDC updated Janu June thirtieth. In case you're just joining us. Under if you test positive. The I think says a positive test result shows you may have antibodies from an infection with the virus that causes in nineteen. However, there's a chance that a positive result means that you have antibodies from an infection with a virus from the same family of viruses. Such as one that causes the common cold. So even in my state of Texas. When we're looking at the the this what? To that at what twelve thousand people infected or whatever the case may be? We have tune out of the ninety four thousand active cases here in Texas. How many of those tested positive, but really have the common cold or the flu or something else? Note. You, get a positive test. That's it you have. The scarlet letter, the scarlet! will be attached to your chest. Actually, no, you get a mask with a with scarlet. See on it. And they're pushing the man they're going all in the mask will keep you safe. If you love people wear the masks. That's how it's GonNa. Stop the spread I'm telling you it's going to stop the spread. Even though the size of the particles that carry Kobe. So small, they would pass through. Your cloth masks. It's really a pacifier. It's really a pacify R-. So. This, this adaptation. Of just wear a mask is just show people. You love them where mask that's. We want to be able to to to show. People don't politicize it. Don't politicize wearing a mask man. That's that's not cool. Don't do it although I am happy to say that. Even in Bell County. Were under a mask mandate. When I went to church, this weekend date enforced my wife and I to wear a mask. because. There's something. Most people don't know here in Texas. About the mask ordinance. If you can socially distance. You don't have to wear a mask inside. If you can maintain six feet or whatever their magic numbers you don't have to, and so since the is set up according to their social distance guidelines, you don't have to wear a mask at church, which I was very very happy. To Deal with right very happy. So. We have the people that tell us and once again we'll go back to as I'll just keep highlighting in the segment of the program. Call me let me know what you think. Eight, four, four, five, thousand, seven, hundred, seventy three. It's because people. Overall in the United States. believed. The situation is getting bleak because they're being fed. Cases cases cases cases. An increase in cases had increasing cases. Look at the ticker in the bottom of your TV. More cases more cases. It's switched from debts to cases. Cases don't mean Jack. We don't imagine if they wanted to cover. The amount of people get the flu every year to try and scare you. Right With the disease that we were told once again a hundred and thirty days ago fifteen days to slow the spread. That the point was not to prevent people from getting sick. But the point was to prevent. Hospitals were being overwhelmed. It has to be said again the point the lockdowns quote unquote. Quarantines whatever it was was not to stop in. They moved it. They switch those goebbels. Initially, it was not to prevent people from getting sick. There lay people are gonNA get sick brand new virus. People are going to get sick. We just don't want. The hospitals get overwhelmed. Most people good natured, said okay okay okay okay. And then it went to by the way. We don't want anybody to ever get sick ever against stay in your house or where a mask. Way What. I'm sorry you did what? And now we're going to go back to this. are significant digit from Gallup Dot Com and Jeffrey Jones a GAL DOT COM. Of vast majority spe- are worn. More. Americans are increasingly worried about catching the virus a percentage of Americans. Who say they are very or somewhat worried about getting covert nineteen. Increased from forty eight percent to fifty six percent, a level, not seen since April. It's also one point off. The trends record high of fifty seven percent. Democrats. Are Far more worried about getting covid nineteen, an independence or Republicans. But Republicans show the greatest increase in worry compared to the prior, week. Because they've been fed. They have been fed a steady stream from every new source. That it's coming, and it's GONNA kill you. That it's coming. You're GONNA get sick. You'RE GONNA go in the hospital and you're GONNA die. Will I don't WanNa? Get it then because I don't want to get sick or on the house or you're going to kill your grandparents. But I. DON'T WANNA. Kill my grand okay. So, of course, people are worried. because. They allowed they. I mean democratic mayors. Allowed mass gatherings. And then you had this expected explosion of cases. The and of course, because now we're highlighting cases not debts cases. Texas, Arizona Florida look at their explosion. In cases. HOW DARE! They opened up so soon? Yeah, Hey, guess what. Now do Andrew Cuomo. Because if we're going to start doing body counts, I don't have enough fingers on my hands to count.
Jezebel Oregon Pinot Noir 2017
"This is from cheap wine, finder dot. And today, we've got another podcast the goal along with a written review on the cheap wine finder dot com website and this time it is the jazz Abell, Oregon Pinot Noir, twenty seventeen and I said Oregon and not just simply will allow valley because fifty two percent of the grapes came from a Willamette Valley and forty eight percent came from southern or God there are five av as do south of Wyoming valley. A most of them are warm dry growing areas, but there's still plenty of places that will grow up Pinot Noir. Very well. And this is under twenty dollars. I found the sound sale for fifteen most time when you have a one hundred percent will valley fruits, you you're looking at a one that's going to be north of twenty dollars, you know, occasionally on sale, they'll drop down so fifteen dollar Pinot Noir from Oregon that actually tastes like Pinot Noir, from Oregon see well valley will values the one that gets all the press and deservedly. So and this wine is as salad, Oregon wine. This is the second label from willful wines, which is owned and by Pam Walden. Who's also the winemaker? And they're doing very well. A couple of winds of gotten on the wine enthusiasts top one hundred buys. So this is even though this is a small booty Gish type of one I think there's less than twenty five hundred cases produced which isn't Super Bowl take. But it is small and on the internet wire every day fruit forward, she says, but it's still a solid Pinot Noir or an Oregon it's got all the characteristics of Oregon on I'm gonna take a sip because well, usually go three minutes since only two now, but I'm kinda thirsty here. I go. It's got it's got the cherries. You look for those ripe cherries has got some cranberry. It's got some herbal of flavors here. I'm I'm picking up some kind of chocolate powder. Type of thing. The didn't mention barrels in there in the technical notes. But I said it was produced in or for men and small lots with various e-eits. He's each lot had a kind of a yeast to use it to get the most out of the wine, and maybe it was neutral oak barrels. But there is some kind of like a almost like a little chocolate powder thing going on. And it's got tart maybe almost sour cranberry in. It's got some orange zest, and it's got the pepper and some exotic spice went take another sip. Oregon Pinot Noir. Just might be my favorite wines. I mean, I've got a bunch of favorite wines. If I'm honest, but one of my trip one I love being in a wire in Oregon is maybe the one I love the most and this is salary fifteen bucks. It's light. Light-bodied sometimes the inexpensive ones tend to have a little bit more body than Pino. Should they you know, they have the flavor, but there's, you know, often, they're some type of thing missing. Just you know, they couldn't they couldn't check off all the boxes in here. I think all the boxes are kinda checked off the colors beautiful. You can see through it. You can read the newspaper through this thing. It's beautiful Garnett red color. It's an interesting knows flavors are delicate. It's not as my favorite ones are kind of ghostly in the theory time, you sip it another taste comes out of the mist. And that's not this one. But it's got some really nice flavors. Caisley Pena Newark and have challenging flavors, and there's none here they have things like tar. And you know, you know. Bramble Bush, and like, I don't even know that is so can I taste it? But there you go. I'm gonna third sip because it's good. For a for value price to wire in fifteen dollars for Oregon, Pinot Noir, is value priced. You can Caisley get them from negoti style wines from certain places. I think Castlerock does wanted every soften trader Joe's does want and probably Costco, and that type of thing where you get negotiate wines where someone buys leftovers for somebody or or maybe that even from one person I buy leftovers from three or four people and put them together and make their own bland. But this is straight up a label Jesolo. And it straight up. Good. I what am I going to say I like piano, wire like, Oregon Pinot, Noir, and I liked Jacksonville Oregon Pinot Noir. Twenty seventeen the Mets all gotta say today. This is Dave likes were you like your your podcast rebuy your podcast, if you will, you know, click you like us and put stars on there. If you will every little bit helps and until the next time over and out, this is Dave coming back to you. And couple more days.
Relationship Repair & Self Care
"Thanks for listening to sex with emily on today show i'm talking about the importance of self care and why it is so important to put ourselves first and said if everyone else around us plus i'm answering in your questions topics include white so hard to develop new end healthier habits ourselves like masturbating or talking openly about sex partners what to do when you just feel off after with emily dot com slash uber lube that's my site sexual family dot com slash u. b. e. r. l. u. b. e. today emily we're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information check out sex with emily dot com our website you will love it you can also find me on serious full glass bottle daphne nightstand friendly which of course i love ube is really in a class by itself and i want you to try it so to order yours go to sex all the more thanks for listening we just finished our latest survey and since last year the percentage of you who used loop you are you expecting a lot from a sucks i mean think about guys things can be so much better than persons maybe get off your phone i meet that person iro in real life fusion when it comes to deciding which kind of dubai so today let's talk about silicone lubes they last longer they're waterproof and you can use them with condoms all social media act sex with emily cross the board ross doing a giveaway it's a lube giveaway you know i love you guys go to the instagram posts thirty day free trial you can go to sex with emily dot com slash s x m or just call in talked me triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven you can find can use in your hair for frigidness on your skin for chafing and side note if you've got colorful tattoos makes them more vibrant it's kinda like the swiss army knife of lubes lube who was all they make you just have to feel it and you'll know talking about it's never stickier tacky and they even at a touch of vitamin e. so you feel moisturizer after using it in fact without breaking them down which is why i am so excited i get to work with uber lube i literally used to stock them for sample that trade shows that's how much i love their loop sex suddenly limited edition you can also check us out on our site sex with emily dot com slash vesper the e. s. p. e. r. happy international self care day so that's the thing and some of these days i think okay right we need like a national spaghetti thinking producer a cup instead of a whole bottle because i didn't want to give it all away so anyway boob gets at high quality silicone is the best option because that's literally frequently went from forty eight percent to sixty three percent this made me so proud because you know i want you guys w whatever nightstand that's my dream now i know there could be some key XM radio it is stars channel nine and you guys it's amazing i'm there monday through friday five to seven PM pacific and it's been just amazing to reach so many more of you if you long-lasting and waterproof you can use in the bath or the shower without re applying besides we it feels let me tell you about the bottle it's such a clean design in this beauty and i was thinking about it though because the whole purpose of the day aims to raise public awareness of the importance of self care stay healthy prevent or delay illness and many of us in the world today or like a national league doughnuts day or like all these weird things right there's always these days but i could get my head around self care day and even though the oy helping people and i know that i know this there's a lot of people this way a lot of women moms we put our families i we do a lot for everyone else and it just feels is that you'll find with the muse lube on it it's muse and it's flavored tag three friends and then you email is feedback it's sexual emily dot com just let me know how has lube change your life is to take time for ourselves and to do one thing maybe it's one thing a week or day if it's five minutes away from all the business of life also you is get a new limited edition s w e crave vesper it's that sexing vibrator necklace it comes in three colors you can get three phrases that are special freezes i like painful or wrong or guilt if we do something like i can't get a massage i can't get my nails done it just seems selfish when my kids need me or things but i realized why it is a foundation of my life and i've actually made it such an important part is because i feel better i actually like when i work out i feel better uh-huh when i meditate i feel better and what i realized though is that when i would also see my friends making time for friends i feel like girl's gotta have a standard online the women know about shrinkage isn't a common knowledge what do you mean like laundry it shrink about sexual oh my as our home we've made a habit of putting others before ourselves god we made a habit i mean coming from like a people pleaser and some news on the radio overnight helping people i have a lot of jobs i i feel filled up these are all things that i've had to find the things that bring me this kind of looks up boy you've incorporated a balance in your life which is not easy to that's been something that's sort of like a a funny m- narrow hashtag self-care like self love it's all in kind of joke about it but the truth is actually really really important it's so important the problem is they call them in a bygone ashley you gotta boyfriend because many here he just got his heart broke anything kind of cute ah floor sounds pretty good not the kind of just play good you're listening to sex or to do because we have this really interesting relationship to time we are like i don't have time listen to my life i will tell you everything that i have going on and there is just no i do these things because they're important which becomes like if i don't work out i know that i'm happier if i take my supplements or whatever i do friends i feel better but then i was thinking about it why is it so hard time for me to do it and and i feel like that we are caught up in this very like business culture and i think it's definitely an american thing i or angst related set of modern life is this no matter how hard we try no matter how successful we are no matter how good apparent worker like western culture that if we slow down we're going to get steamed row right over over us and we're not going to have success and we're not we don't feel like like spouse we are it's never enough there's always someone richer thinner smarter or more powerful than we are someone who makes us feel like a failure is going i heard about being vulnerable i'm like i'm tough like vulnerable as a weakness and really like an mindfulness experts are like just take ten minutes a day but i think it's so hot and feel things it's important us for us to experience feelings of vulnerability with out shame vulnerabilities big buzzword tuesday's simple i didn't even really understood what it meant what will the researchers say and it turns out which is makes so much sense that first of all it's so important for us to slow down and do self care because then we can actually process emotions in america so this is his quote that i thought about in this piece that i found that made me this maybe he explained a lot to me about self care the great on better is that the the real thing of genuine self here is about accepting ourselves and all of our imperfections in knowing that we don't have trusted dot new habits like something that takes like eight minutes day right like like meditation or or breathing or calling a friend we just don't do it and i was like google tain to even accomplish you know the proper balance and i feel like everyone's always trying to find that balance i winced balanced though i think you have value but thank you i'm going to get to the next point but it's always a struggle no one else is slowing down there is no one else doing it and you go to like you travel to europe for the summary go other places like they get weeks of vacation they take naps yes does we don't do any of that weed the garden yet we have so many excuses that we throw up in the upper taking care of ourselves i've had to make a practice of it but sometimes i was still like i shouldn't be working out now or shouldn't be doing meditate manifest and masturbate even if you do one of those damn telling you you're gonna feel good so i think that one of the best things i've incorporated in your in the last few fifty years so it's also actually works as a massage or so not just an amazing stimulator for your clitoris or parts but oh here's the other thing okay i'm just going up things have come up in the last few days i have several friends of mine who have called me about paramount pas so these are women who are between forty and fifty and they're all having very very symptoms one of them hot sweat during the day when when like massage or give a massage now okay we often talk about the magic one on the show which is like the cadillac of all vibrators it's amazing but initially it was a massage it's been around for have to be perfect and how do we say when you just said to me i'm balanced i'm like no i'm not it's because i'd love to work everyday it's not every day michelle it's yeah three to four days today pampering you go to go to a spot like it just seemed kind of frivolous i realized no it's actually like you are we store so much bullshit in swabs in other ones like what do i do about this easing ping and maybe three friends asked me about the the like like i can't work out because it's just happened you as after you've kids or you just get older you're or play coming in oil massage lee we love all of that that's a really good one because it lasts a very long time and it doesn't you know leave you sticky or anything like that really good i was going to i didn't i caught myself in the moment be compassionate i've done three hours of interviews today i've got a lot going on my life was great but it's like we so go to what is good moisturizer into your skin feels really really good i also thank god i can just go off on toys now your partner massage tonight if you have one get home give each other massage it could be using the magic wand it could be using your hands and i think that that incorporating that maybe using some of the women off and implementing these things into my life are going to make me feel good but how am i feeling now verse when i start implementing these into my life like is it going to relieve stress years i've done more so is massage i try to get one at least once a month and for me like you can find places it's not all and i think until very recently that a massage was like some kind of a doctor's office with their clothes on and you will no longer be sneezing and be like it just you'll have stronger orgasms you'll have me it's really fucking cool did you that to me bodies our attention and memories and stress that when you actually have someone who's like hammering it out of you it's actually there's health benefits to it so get action where i feel i have ideas i feel calmer i feel like i feel clearer and i feel like it's the reason why you're like i'm gonna make an appointment for a massage or check out that chair do it right and so i have a question so you said all these like taking care of yourself so i think that for some people it might be really scary through like i like being busy i like having a lot to do when i slowed down that is just death for me and i've been in that place and i think i still sometimes live in that place but i i definitely my twenties i did not stop at all bore is a great step towards accepting triumphant trying trying trying it's true l let me tell us how else i do it is i i like to masturbate so has more followers than we do as more listeners than we do so the real thing about self care and then i am going to get back here because i think i have some killer as you guys can actually do it today and you're like oh yeah stimulation to to do eleven thousand chemicals in twenty minutes that's incredible and i've done it and you can do it twice twice a week for twenty minutes you sit on chair genre i remember my friends would make me laugh so hard i'd be yeah you're right though it could really want is for women have all ages i wish i knew about this when i was younger unlike when you're leaving the massage place you're leaving whatever you're doing make an appointment for next time and i think a lot of people are so busy because they they're afraid to slow down to have to feel emotions and stuff and thing and be like named three things that you're happy for yourself about that you did today the accomplish today or last week or things that you just appreciate yourself things at your of creating this this balance this inner peace this new better version of yourself that may not even you know apply to the person that you are oh it just thinking the silkair's recognizing and accepting that none of us are perfect and that we're all doing the goddamn last weekend so to me that's like part of self care and self love you can take a moment right now wherever you're listening floor is going to drop and you're going to sneeze and you're going to be can't jump on a trampoline well yourself a favor i think yeah you can do all you want but there's this amazing there's women of all ages you're having problems with also continents or with with lubrication or orgasm and all of those things 'cause it can be hard to incorporate some of these things but if you like right now right so important because it takes you out of your your business and i think we're also busy so i think you will feel calmer you'll feel better and i think you could even remember how you're feeling in that moment when you leave it in comparison i think we can all relate a little bit to that yeah that one's a little hard to swallow for no but it's true we do that we hear this social media i was gonna but i i know that it's eventually it catches up with you like a bench leader going after feel things again there's gonna be a breakdown eventually something's going to hurt you're gonna hurt yourself you're going to work out now the people surrounding you know you're gonna drop friends or lose friends and you know you're scared of doing that losing people in your life right of change to maybe afraid of choosing ourselves over others around the world literally change the location you're at like move move your body even if you just go outside and walk around the block i think we all know this but we don't actually do it i'm telling you innovation i don't think we've talked about enough on air 'cause it's called the BT l. m. cela- it's like the casual thrown they call it it isn't share that you sit on that uses gentle electromagnetics ah started saying that a lot of our pleasers we're like we're caretakers and we think i can't possibly stop and do something for myself when everybody needs everybody's gonna always they're not your people but you can probably serve them better right by taking that time for yourself and being in that better state of my apps that's what happens with at all all right guys so self-care happy self care day on masturbation is always a great thing to you about that do you like to journal or go on walks like what what things habit you for five minutes a day just breathe like it doesn't have to be a frigging thing yet do you think that the things we want to change the your perspective changes so yeah i go for walks i write my journal i meditate i breathe i i just don't leave my house so funny 'cause then you do hard you're gonna eat too much you're gonna you're gonna do something that's going to be like your body is going to be like no i need to slow down so the sooner you start working that i mean there's these apps now for like meditation anymore i don't have time to think to read too and when i find when i take these moments are take these times it is just a you can feel it as a visceral throughout my entire body how did you feel different different yes it was so easy i just sat there and hang out read a magazine now i feel like that's like honestly women of all ages though it's like what does that feel good for a very good question so i think for many of us if we are constantly feeling like we don't have time to pray things we want to improve on ourselves we think we hype it up too much we make it too far out of reach for ourselves maybe were not worthy enough of that change we're not capable ability but he keeps one hundred dollars that's enough money that you're like because we all have the same amount of time if you if every into your questions i'm so excited to introduce all of you to simple habit i mean not only will be your new favorite app but it happens to be home take out a thousand dollars in cash give it to someone who hold you accountable for ten weeks each weekly goal you accomplish you get one hundred back and if you don't you're i need you like that doesn't do you realize is like especially if you're like a busy mom for example your kids are always gonna need your your your parents are going to need your your your partner's going to need you but but do it and you're like this was so simple like why did i do this twenty minutes ago when i was just sitting on the couch beating myself up i think as many excuses read morning and i always say to her and like have you did you get a babysitter reacted you do these things because we forget to take care of ourselves and we congratulate each other and i just read something about this getting accountability you are a better everything about her mom that our spouse a better friend when you do take that time and the friends who can't handle it they leave you think they're going to change or if you're coming down around the couch and you're feeling bad do ten jumping jacks are telling you hit it when you change and you move it will it will your to a brand new audio series that i create simple habit began as a meditation app that featured audio guidance from huge range of experts but now it is so much more if you find yourself stuck get up right now walk outside the house it is summer wherever you are listening to you could probably walk around the block and you will have different state of mind if you're listening you're depressing wrong and that is where defaulted our brains default towards that wiring because we were bridesmaids like looking back exactly so within just meditation so when the folks behind the app reach out and invited me to be one of their experts i was so excited to get involved so my new series is all about sex shock i know on each with a suggested assignment to keep your sex life growing and expanding because you know that's what i'm all about this month covering the basics including everything from communicate and even though it's not easy to improve something so timeless they did it again with the latest version called the magic wand plus and it is awesome so like the original assist which is okay so i can tell you for example i use in this still happens but i go from meeting to meeting from day to day and then i wake up the next morning and i've no time to process anything i don't have time to see leib buddy if you want to accomplish something let me read this to you i thought this was so fucking smart if you want to accomplish something get an accountability buddy komo expands to fill time if you've got a project and they tell you it's going to be a week you're gonna take a week to do it if you've got three months it's gonna take three months to do it so setting goals and having someone who's oh really let me down i'm talking of course about the magic wand i mean the magic wand was a big part of my life even before i started the show and it's not going but whether you're a sex with emily superfan or brand new listener i promise there's something in it for you we're launching series with five lessons and each is focused on a particular topic and guests sharing the latest news and my favorite part taking your calls live on the air two hours every weekday if you're sirius XM subscriber you already know how impressive and my listeners can now save thirty percent on a premium membership so all you have to do is go to sex with emily dot com slash habit and once you install it you can quickly find my series by in anywhere in my life or anyone else's i mean you want to know why the magic wand has been delivering pleasure for fifty years the on time oh you can now hear sex with only live five days a week on sirius XM radio you'll find me and stars channel one nine monday through friday at five to seven PM pacific oh MG with the push of a button and if you don't have a magic wand new life trust me you should there are now three models to choose from original rechargeable and the all new plus you can see that and still the best selling massage want in the world i think it has something to do with all that power i mean they don't call it the cadillac vibrators for nothin' whoa it's a good one tient exploration and i'll be adding new lessons each month by the way when you're with my series there are hundreds of free wellness in thousands of premium ones on there it's really now the magic wand plus is a full-size plug and massage want it features a soft silicone had easy to use controls and variable speed that lets you go from a low rumble two eight to ten PM eastern but don't worry the podcast staying right here my brand new radio show have everything you love about emily and more because every day i'll be interviewing feels physically off after masturbation but not after sex l. hey ken great question tell me more things collin thanks france oh maybe if he just said you're going to do it once a week now or maybe you have like an accountability buddy about i don't know i do this with my friends too i'm like have you done this did you make your appointment this week when i best friends we talked and then yeah and then i just feel like you know it was just a loss of i guess i guess vitality in general sense back that there's probably you know some element of therapy that i'm gonna be you know starting for multiple things but urging s. w. e. again save thirty percent on a premium membership by going to sex with emily dot com slash SIM p. l. e. h. b. IT today how it affects but i'm also wondering if there's some sort of physical component to it as well what happens you feel physically generally the same thing is happening but yeah so i if i'm masturbate then you know i will feel l. the do feel feelings of guilt i dunno i dunno where where what ties into what what's the guilt well i don't know then search s w e to find me there i wanna tell you about one of the oldest and most trusting relationships in my life it's probably the only one that's like never graded as if you never tried it get a free trial for thirty days just go to sex with emily dot com slash s x m that's sex only dot com slash s. x. mt off after you masturbate but not after sex so tell me what you feel well that's that's why it's weird to me because you think that like eight try sirius XM for yourself see there we have kim thirty one in california he wants to know why he important that maybe doesn't feel that great yeah i mean sometimes you know watch porn and and yeah you know i don't know maltin go on for yourself at sex with emily dot com slash magic one that's my site such stanley dot com slash magic want i am so excited to let you know anymore frustrated okay well when did this start so when did this start during masturbation i think it probably started right and yeah but it's yeah it's it's all tied up in this very negative experience and it's it's becoming increasingly walking is great you guys well there's some may say about changing your state right i remember it i on this like tony robbins change your state so whenever you're somewhere where you're feeling stressed or anxious or you just haven't moved billy for me that's helped so much as having somebody who i check in with kristen mice isn't checks in with me yes i do that stuff our guys wouldn't take a quick break when we come back i'm gonna get things with me and then it was you know confusing 'cause there's older and stronger and would like it may sound sometimes and stuff and overwhelming what chemicals that i would feel guilty about doing something right well and that's why i'm wondering hide into like early reading but not after your late how to properly exercise you're dating muscle and not make getting back into the game such a big deal you guys are dating muscles i can help in my mid twenties early thirty one now and did something happened deserted guilt or you're feeling shame after you masturbated you watch it for teague depression is very something i deal with anyway but then it's like it's like extra onto of that watch fan of the show i think everything so yeah i don't really know i mean i no and i like that stuff we're the enough when i was a kid didn't even bother me even you know because you're in see that's the thing i don't i don't feel like a logical like i can't i don't have a logical component to why i feel guilty but i feel all of the emotional the stuff that we usually is early stuff was there any early trauma in your life did anyone ever walk in from yeah well there's some stuff with a neighbor kid that you know like do you know different sexual fear and you're young you don't have to make sense of it when your kids violation and one day it all stopped and if i'd so both yeah i just feel drained and in all sensitive words emotionally and physically and then i was like go started going to church and then i started showing terrible on everything still okay yeah can i talked about anything about it like i would you know hit me or just or just what it was just like stone cold and then then i and then i tend to come a lot and i i've always wondered if that plays some physiological component i feel you come a lot when you masturbate how often do you masturbate about every couple of days like feels a little weird to say you know says you know when i when i do orgasm than act it just confusing when something just changes like that and that was your first early you know experiences with another person sexually which was a violation in which is actually it's some kind of neural pathways got wired along this trauma that it's really hard to to get yourself back on track and i would recommend EM DR therapy i'm a little familiar with that yeah i think it's the best for trauma and i would go and you don't have to go for life and i feel like talking about this experience is also good you know it's easy to think well it's been so long it's gone now but it's actually gonna persist especially when they're sexual trauma even though it didn't feel about the time i'm telling you it's kind of trauma although illegal and doesn't feel great and you couldn't tell anyone and then you have the church and you grew up in a religious environment where that also felt wrong so it sounds like you've had a lot of confusing messages a young man for that to be violated like that maybe there's some anger you know what i'm saying that comes up she's of course not actually having sex is going to trigger that so it's a lot bigger than eh or have sex a few days apart you know he i don't think that i mean i don't think there's a it's really just about the build up to of eight if you haven't jack lead into while so i don't think a different messages that you get to right now your story because sometimes these things that we heard in child odor from religions longer service i would recommend kansan therapy free you sound really evolved and release of aware and you're articulating this so well so so i'm that's that's that's really great i mean i'm telling you and what you're saying is the galley get happened and then it didn't feel weird after but who knows you were kids maybe you felt like even though it was weird that he was doing stuff sexually do like why did he stop am i not lovable didn't want the sex anything i mean listen definitely get chefs albert your doctor there could actually be sure there could be something worth draining you and you're having more exertion i would go see your doctor urologist sir but it's also is the good news is that it's bigger than you think so yeah you think your past at your but also it can be handled in a way that super healthy and you're going to get some really great insights let's see can one follow up trying to this in in tandem which is just that like i you know help on how to get back in the game all right hey madison thanks for calling hi thank you for taking my call bring up a lot more fuelling maybe you didn't feel safe where were your parents you know like like that's the thing you brings up a lot of things and i feel like that was really key moment in your life specialist on sex so when you're alone with your thoughts i mean and just new it's common that a lot of men who field like a lot of guilt after they mastered a lot of shame after masturbation and so it sounds like it's all tangled in okay kimmy posted thank you can appreciate it thanks for calling we're here to help we have a madison who's thirty from california she hasn't dated in two years and needs therapy that's gonna set you on a great track lifetime 'cause you're only thirty once and it will never deal with this stuff k yeah yeah i'm sorry to tell you one other kid of course of course okay so tell me what's been going on if you purposely been out of the game or the dating game i think i yeah it's really bizarre take that advice and run with it and go and go to therapy and try to you know tackle it from that end but from another end i don't know what's going on but the thought of this dating right now really is it just it really intimidating and i also see flint get checked out i always think it's a great idea white white speaking you more tired so i think unsee here's the thing it's a multilayer pro until we'll go to therapy i also think you gotta get go to a doctor out of a relationship two years ago like what your history your dating history like i had one serious relationship in my adult weiss i that was that and that was signed and dated around and you know someone who i thought i was absolutely actually was in love and everything and turns out he was dating someone else on the time so that probably hurt okay her and realize after i moved i moved just down the street that he started dating the girl across the hall from me work you know i just relocated to my hometown which is funny that you relocated in december okay that's fine yeah it was very people with an odd feeling i saw him i saw him with her and it was just like this mind-blowing relevant russian but who have i been with this year and then and then i got in a relationship with my neighbor so why don't you do both you've a good doctor you trust you feel safe with you can talk about these things and then and then let me know how goes but just those are two things one with your doctor and therapist eighteen so overwhelming and earned it and i don't know how to over over comeback i understand this recent medicines tummy this what did you have you online before i i tried tender and that was like five years ago in ten came out and honest about is right right right you have but you have to just not even just because you need to find the one in your clock ticking but just because it's a fear you've created a story that could be so you can stay there for a while i believe so yeah i yeah i think this is where i'm going to be for quite some time have you oh man gonna cheat and it's not safe and all that so i say the best thing to do is first of all i wouldn't force yourself like it's like you're dating you're not dating like making it so black and white but what i would do yeah i have i have a lot i'm very social person but being in the smaller town now a lot of my friends are married people now beyond your friends using number one in ninety five it was zero percent and now it's forty percent so we can give i can give you some tips for that as well but i feel like things happen you can't be trusted and so now the more time that goes on the more fearful about it so i can also understand the stories that you're telling us oh because i said don't go back your town where you grew up i understand if it's where you grew up i understand people back to their families but i did go out and practice and like do your thing and just get those muscles going again because dating is a muscle so practice talking practice being social you're in a new town you're older now so they think about online dating his you could actually make it your you could start to just like top you could start to talk to people like thanks madison thanks for calling so this came from andy thirty two in michigan good afternoon emily also very formal intro which i like good afternoon sir being but i'm telling you the more we date the better dating we become and since you've been out of the game go on a bunch of lunch dates like who cares like they say you should accept every job interview just like make a date you could be you know i love to face time before you go on a date or talk on the phone i but you could just meet a lot more people that way and i think being honest about what were there pregnant and so all my friends are now on the coast which is about two hours away so i know there maybe once or twice a month and then you'll be able to i think you're going to get more comfortable that way and if not madison i'm here every night to help you so those are my first assignments to you okay and then we can get into other stuff once you meet someone at least couples longing for what they are not receiving from their partner i wanted to get your viewpoint on this as this concept can easily be manifested into someone's personal life purse professional career away locate it could be harder to i know like if i move back to michigan in my third by a your age everyone was married and having kids and stuff i got it for stations and taking the fear because even makes good new friends in town they might have friends like they might it's all like because it sounds like a lot of this is in your head and i want you just feel without i i'd like to thank you for the work that you do how your podcast is inspiring to listen to anyway the other day i was turned onto a concept about unmet expectations and how it's the silent relationship it was i would start to just get curious like when you do go out a lot like you a social person like is your life go out with friends or what do you do on the weekends or after it's awkward for is upward can be awkward but here's the thing we're going to talk with is coming up in the next hours at actually dating online is the number one way people meet you almost like it no point at which i know is not healthy and i am thirty and you know taking time clock in my mind but it just so i feel like a baby steps getting out there but there's literally you're young you don't be you know i feel like if you get rejected or things blow you off the happened with online you're looking for and what you've learned is really important and just like i don't think those things are going to happen to you again but i feel like you could do lunches you could just you know that you can make a great front out of it i compare it to a girl that is hoping her boyfriend will propose marriage when they go out to dinner she gets her hopes up yet he doesn't propose insurance just to be regular dinner for two now she feels like play out like i had expected my personal expectations which were not met it doesn't mean that anything was bad it was just a weird feeling of being let down because they wanted something either more or different so thank you for your email and okay the reason why i like this allies because it is true you guys been the thing about expectations is a huge thing in relationships that we don't sex life etc i can say that for my own perspective i've fat felt low down a few times where my wife and i have been sexy throughout the day negotiating what we want it it doesn't is building bill so i think what it made me relate to i was thinking about it though it was like unmet expectations oh i think it's more like it's unrealistic expectations unmet because i think that it's that is the silent killer is at their unrealistic so we often here's one way i can explain this to you and then we'll go back to his amount pinpointed were like well off when we talk about resentments or we talk about you know you're not on the same page but a lot of times it's these silent expectations that we have that we expect things i just want because whereas when i was asked about your social life is because i want us to practice going out and just talking to people talking to guys whether you're tracking to them or not for just having when i first learned this it totally caught me off guard because i sort of had an expectation that people do change when you're with them and that people say they're going to change are they wanna change once or twice is that they will but they don't it takes a lot to change and it's in the night once i kind of this locked in i realize that people are the way they are partner and we just think because it's our values usually or it's what in our mind we might even think we we we communicated to apart we want and then we get let down and then these resent you know you got disappointed and then that built up as an unmet expectation whereas how to resolve this is to say the are as life goes on as we get older you get more set in your ways and so once i realized that and i realize how hard it is for people to change i was like oh i never have that expectation like this is exactly who this person it's your email andy is that like we might often expect in a relationship that someone's going to change we have the expectation that we made up on our head well once we get married he kept pa so you're saying you felt low down because you're sexing throughout the day and negotiating what we want what you wanted now here's the thing you were sexting her in the middle of the day become more of what they are you don't love about him like if they're drinker right now they start to drink more yeah they're messy now they get messier in fact people become more of what they are kaffir talk about before we walked down the aisle and so really that just make leads me to like makes me believe that we just that no first of all no one's going to wants to get married she'll continue to like you know give sacks justice office we did our she'll continue to keep the same job as she has all these things that we and if you're going to get together with someone you're gonna marry someone you're going to commit to them you have to hold fully accept them as they are right now what if they never change in fact what if they like the sexy wasn't an expectation that actually happened that night she might even said yeah babe later we'll do it thinking that it was playing around with role players just playful but but then is either i can change my behavior in see if that affects them or i accept them but there's no way people change unless they decide you're right i down even though nothing negative happened thanks for taking the time to read this in hope expectations joke to hear from you we don't answer all the emails andy but we are answering yours next day like literally the next day say you know what we were text sexting yesterday i was getting really turned on and i was thinking when you came home i had the expectation that we'd actually want to change i want us upbringing i wanna work harder or whatever their thing is so to me these unmet expectations that he's talking about andy new relationship for example change unless they want to change it is so true you guys if you are an i think that a lot of people i mean i'd love to call right now if you're calling runoff you're thinking this because me i cannot meet my own self out in the world i mean maybe but i'm not going to sample like for example having conversations about it and then your values and then not having crazy expectations because expectations turn into resentments on positions you're gonna be let down over and over and over again so how you can really kind of figure this out is by just observing what's actually going on and then i'm no one can ever argue with your feelings so she could say oh i'm sorry you felt that way but i had no intention of it you knew when i got home my favorite TV show is on or whatever the sooner we can i hear this all the time once we get married he won't wanna go this friends as much he wants to get married he's gonna get way less busy once we have kids you certainly can't be smoking imparting all the time three i used to have certain expectations for things in relationships even just like anywhere from my family from friends and i realized they are not by maybe she was at work maybe she was in the middle of the gabbay ball sex g right now but when i get home from work i've got laundry to do arm really busy maybe in her mind and then you just are angry and they don't talk so i think it could be a silent killer but it's more than their unrealistic than unmet i completely agree they do those things in bed and it felt like a letdown and i wanna let you know how i feel how that made me feel so what are your thoughts on that and she can be like that someone is supposed to you know at least check that like rechecking this is going to happen those kinds of things and a lot of people don't always check in with you or you know you need clear like i need clarification the i never actually think of plan is real until it's clarified whereas i have a friend who bowl i just i just like when people you know if i ask a question or i you know we are meeting up or something is are not if we're living in like la la land we're like people say at our everyone has my values i expect that you treat a lady this way and i expect that you do this then it just i think expectations are dangerous for like unbiased they're unbiased the there unreal they can be very unrealistic because if we are not living in reality which a lot of it the desperation of is this is not the one feeling this attraction or just this interest in this excitement again about this meeting people and like knowing that yeah i mean i feel like i even said maybe right he never talked about it and then the day happens we were supposed to meet up or something and i was like maybe we can meet up that day and we never clarified say it was a tuesday we talked about uh-huh expectations having expectations versus no expectations because i know that when you don't have expectations you know things are going to satisfy you more because you're not expecting the idea of what they wanted to be like if only if only i could just have her make more of a commitment to me only emily would stop working as much as she would initially like oh slap in the face and i think kind of got me until two very odd that like i don't want see me more often then we'll be together and it was like i was never going to fit into that mold of what you wanted so yeah i think it was it was really common so i i have a question about if something's a maybe she thinks it's actually happening in it's going right and so her expectation is like yes that's happening and i'm not meeting her because i'm like no we didn't confirm this was a maybe hot expectations of you may be that you thought that i think that i would do a period of time where a lot of the men i dated expected that i would change like you won't be working as hard working together or eventually you're going to want a serious relationship with me and i often you know i really wouldn't change so i think that was more a lot of men that i dated not do that i mean i think first of all is noticing it is the very first step so it's like you're expecting them to know that you want them has to you know shell starring night i'm going to take you out on this day and i planned i planned to pick you up and we're going to this beautiful restaurant and a good point i mean i think you want to have realistic right vacations not like like an expectations based on like things that you've discussed so if someone said coming into relationships this way so i also think yet in relationships i think i'm trying to think i don't have a tough expectations about how someone have you ever like someone i expected i have a great night now you might not it could rain it could be laid something could happen maybe the restaurant shutdown who knows right but if the ones that are the silent experts with how you were raised a lot of it has to do with how we were raised and what our values are like you know men always pay on the date are women because there's women -tations and being present and you might be surprised at the things that you think are so important all these expectations so he didn't shave or whatever your biggest one is like explain like i don't even know how the conversation would go maybe in the beginning of the relationship yeah oh it's kind of like subconscious i think it is i'm white and it may be your favorite food and they told you all these it's okay to expect that you're probably gonna have a lovely evening with this person it's pretty logical logical yeah i expect it i can expect it but if you're not expecting anything from somebody does it can kind of translate to not believing in somebody or like their qualities what they can do you like so that would be now at her in your relationship with her as a friend now when you make plans to be very you here are very specific i'm sorry that may be meant to yes we're also different when we assume we make out of you mean so i think it's these silent assumptions that we do that we turned into expectations that we never shared with our partners as it's more like leading some
Poll shows majority wants federal government to lead on virus testing
"In the live from meet the press. I'm Kerry Dan reporting not from the pillow fort. Where I usually record this podcast when I'm working from home but in my new Studio which is what. I'M GONNA call the very small very dark. But well sound insulated code closet where I am recording this because there is an extremely loud city construction project going on right next to our live but through trial and error a great editor and a lot of testing. Hopefully this podcast sounds crystal clear. Speaking of testing though that is certainly the word of the day today as public health officials testify remotely on Capitol Hill about the next steps in the nation's cove nineteen response and almost. Everyone seems to agree that the path forward is going to have to involve frequent and widespread testing for Kobe. Nationwide to help identify those who need to be quarantined and give the rest of the public. The confidence to venture back out into public life. The next question is how and who's responsible for doing that. The president in a news conference yesterday said of the testing ramp-up quote. We have met the moments and we have prevailed. The United States to date has conducted somewhere around nine million corona virus tests which works out to a little bit less than three percent of the population and the consensus from pretty much. Every public health official has been. We're GONNA need more than that way more than that to get back to normal. The White House says it's going to steer funds to the states to help them amp up their testing to the tune of eleven billion dollars. Which brings us back to the question of so who's going to be responsible for doing all of this. A new survey from the Pew Research Center Fines Majority of Americans about six in ten. Say It's the federal government that should take the lead on making sure. There are enough cove in nineteen tests available in order to safely lift restrictions on public activity about forty percents say that the federal government should be mostly responsible and another twenty one percent say the. Fed should be entirely responsible. The other forty or so percent in America say the state governments are the ones who should take the lead on testing now throughout most of the outbreak the administration has suggested that states should be the ones responsible for things like Procuring ventilators and P. P. E. and they've argued that the federal government's role is just kind of to assist them and that attitude. Perhaps unsurprisingly has made its way into the partisan breakdown on this particular questions among Republicans. It's a majority about six in ten. Who say it's state governments? Who Need to be taking the lead here among Democrats. It's an even bigger majority eight and ten who say. Nope nope it should be the federal government that should be mostly or even entirely responsible for getting testing capacity in place. Now one thing in this poll that has been consistent hospitals public health officials and local and state officials continue even once after the outbreak to get high praise for most Americans for their handling of the outbreak. But at least this poll. The president's trajectory is going in the wrong direction in late March. Forty eight percent of those surveyed in this Pew Research Poll gave him high marks for handling the crisis. Now that's just forty one percent so there you have it. Some important context today about testing and who the public thinks should be responsible for it. That's a L- address if you'd like to hear more this free audio briefing. You can always tell at us on your favorite podcast APP.
392. The Prime Minister Who Cried Brexit
"FREAKONOMICS radio is sponsored by choice allergy an original podcast from Charles Schwab choice allergy is about the forces that affect our decisions from the day to day to the life changing it's hosted by decisions scientists Katie Milkman who talks with Nobel laureates athletes astronauts and more about why we make irrational choices and how we can judge try it for free at campaign monitor dot com slash freak no credit card or email marketing experience required campaign monitor make your emails unforgettable you know there's research shows that happy endings are really powerful that even football yes I'm a bit of a cheese head actually but not alas American cheese I think it's one of the very few weaknesses of your great country is it David Cameron former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom he explains why he called for the referendum that effectively ended his political career the explains the other stressful parts of being prime minister is very intense very noisy pretty terrifying we get into his relationships with Barack Obama ed experience like going to the dentist or having a colonoscopy if the last couple minutes is somehow made more pleasant people remember the entire term as being not so bad it straight sizes and self-justification and I accept has quite a lot of self justification in the book but I tried to be honest about things that could have gone well could have gone better Caminiti for the situation we face look at some stage this will be resolved we will either leave with a deal and people will see a Sosa Angela Merkel and Vladimir Putin I find in the end I just couldn't trust what he was saying all this from a man who it turns out loves American me that you got that exactly backwards with your political career but obviously as this uncertainty continues that will be those who say will you be from stitcher and productions this is freakonomics radio we have to go to a general election a referendum that might mean a different outcome one way or the other this uncertainty has to come to end it has gone on already for too long and and I for one poem wait for today on Freakonomics radio the man who many people believed to be singularly responsible for bricks David Cameron has just written one of the most candid political memoirs in recent memory it's called for the record the discipline I put on myself was thinking channels email serves as digital marketings most successful channel and with campaign monitor you can leverage email and use it as a tool to empower your brand and spread your mess almost about having a referendum you kept that promise and that is a credit they'll be those who say we shouldn't have had a referendum and look what followed and I accept by shares on a referendum put forward by Prime Minister David Cameron and his Conservative Party it asked a simple question should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union Economics Radio sponsored by Campaign Monitor the radically easy solution to email marketing as the highest driver of customer retention according to eighty percent of retail professor on June twenty third two thousand sixteen voters in the United Kingdom that's England Scotland Wales and Northern Ireland were asked to vote Cameron after all who calls for a referendum campaigns against it and then loses as weird as that was it but no country had ever done that before and as it turns out the is to the right two hundred and to the nose to the left had the whiff of noble intentions but it wasn't received that way it was received as if Cameron were a party guest who'd knocked over a power champagne glasses impove for Britain on the outside of the EU but with a partnership with it that I believe will be very close all who knows maybe we'll get get so stocks only got weirder cameron had promised to stay on as prime minister whatever the vote's outcome I will do everything I can as prime minister to steady the ship over the he led the campaign for the UK to remain in the EU not to leave the vote was widely expected to go his way then didn't an extraordinary moment in British history the British people have spoken and the answer is we're out the vote was fifty two to forty eight percent in favor of Lee strategy and failed this past July may was replaced as prime minister by Boris Johnson her former foreign minister and before that the mayor London a few foundational facts to know about Boris Johnson he and David Cameron are longtime frenemies they'd gone to the same schools e in order to leave the European Union the European Union or EU being an economic and political consortium of Twenty eight member states the outcome of this brexit wanted to negotiate with the EU better terms on trade regulation immigration and so on so even though it was cameron who put forth the brexit referendum leaving the immediate economic and political consequences tonight our grave and the future deeply uncertain those who voted to leave were thrilled so the podcast that explores the hidden side of everything. Here's your host Stephen Dubner four hundred and thirty two it was difficult complicated. It is clear that the house does not support this deal but tonight's tells us nothing or there may be a hard brexit with a complete separation from the EU the equivalent of an acrimonious divorce either way Johnson is determined sort of referendum when it should be held or what the government's view should be given Boris Johnson's reputation for operating with more vigor than rigor unlawful suspension of parliament investigations into the campaign finances for the leave campaign rumors of Russian interference in the referendum vote all this may well be true and yet it is now Johnson's job to extricate the UK from the European Union the deadline twice delayed is in favor of Britain leaving the EU. Although as Cameron writes about Johnson in his book he seemed to have done almost no thinking about what as you likely know it's been anything but simple a couple of foundational facts to keep in mind cameron was a long-time eurosceptic bleeding about what it does support you can't say we're leaving the single market the customs union and the European Union we're going to do our own free trade agreements across the world and by the way have to allow US seamless access into your market to why would you ever facilitate that the government has lost control of events and is in complete disarray okay by those who wished to remain younger voters especially in those concentrated in London Scotland and Northern Ireland they blamed David and what did you think then what do you think now what decisions do you think you got right what decisions do you think you got wrong and look all memoirs are then ran for the door he was replaced as Prime Minister Theresa may his home secretary she began trying to negotiate a sensible exit from the European Union Ah Government had lost control of events and ultimately Theresa May lost control of the Conservative Party she had spent three years trying to come up with a workable will be no the pointless it's been very messy even messier that I've made it out to be there was Boris Johnson that the U. K. contributed much more to the EU than got back but he also said he didn't want the UK to actually leave rather he in an Oxford they ran in the same political circles and they seem to your tate and snipe at each other in equal measure if any other politician so how did it come to this how did a relatively popular prime minister who seemed to be doing a relatively good job of steadying his country after the global financial crisis how did he partly set for October thirty first there may be a soft exit from the EU with trade and border terms and other details agreed upon in advance almost as crazy as our politics of the moment of the difference being that at least in the UK you can watch one television channel and find out roughly what's going on here if I watched Fox yeah well I find them all day then you are Bruh during the referendum campaign Johnson unlike cameron was represented a new breed of political leadership in the UK especially in the conservative wing he was younger than usual and more chipper with an optimistic bent and embrace of what's come to be called compassionate conservatism sober on the fiscal front but open minded on social issues like gay marriage and eager to address climate change do such a calamity to be fair there were a number of contributing factors as well here today economic pressures within the UK the UK saw as in was in New York City thank you great to be over the years he spent a fair amount of time in the states I love coming here's the only place where your politics is so angry at you in some quarters well you've got I mean the fifty two percent of people who voted to leave the EU those people transients within the EU even faraway civil war but it would be wrong to understate the role of David Cameron himself he shen or genuinely bright they were pretty convinced that I was the former Cameron Cameron is a political animal as one must be to thrive in British politics how does he rate as a thinker that's hard to say cognitive biases it's easy to see why he might also be perceived as brilliant or at least very clever there's a telling anecdote in his memoirs when Cameron is being which have produced a deep reservoir of uncertainty so the big question is what happens next nobody knows what's next people just want a decision we leave in or are we staying but let's aw pleased we had a referendum are pleased that their voice Scott across there are many also on the remains side on my side of the argument who lost who accept that a referendum there are some people who weren't forgive me holding a referendum they didn't think it was a good idea in their furious my side of the argument lost I think the president's doing Brittany if I watch CNN he's about to go to prison so I've read what you've written I've heard what you've said I've heard what everyone else's said people are time to come to power the global financial crisis was still deepening casting long shadows in every direction well Britain we actually had the biggest I mean here we are in New York City whether in retrospect you feel that the reforms and cuts were sufficient they were good outcomes on some dimensions you got the unemployment rate way way down but Wade N. didn't but I do not think it would be right for me to try to be the captain stairs our country to its next destination his resignation uh was inevitable or accept that a referendum was mandated by parliament. I mean nine out of ten members of parliament did actually vote to have a referendum but I accept let's get on with it because the uncertainty is now killing the economy one of the few constance since the vote has been resentment toward the man who pulled the brick to leave and on of getting a deal we will leave file Tober the thirty first in all circumstances there a natural fit at least ideologically but a workable one and it was the UK's first coalition government since nineteen forty five that said it was not the best on many issues if he lived in America he could easily be mistaken for a centrist Democrat. Well that's what a bomb was used to say to me but I used to say presents can you enacted some austerity also wanted to do a lot of reform in the realm of education crime-fighting streamlining the National Health Service Michael I know they'll be another crisis at some stage and you've got to have the capacity to deal with it we knew that you couldn't stand aside as financially he was well bred well reared well educated and he married well to he is tall quite handsome and he has lovely manners knowing what we know about forecast was for an eleven percent budget deficit which would have given us the biggest budget deficit in the world and By the time I left office we'd cut that by two thirds so we still had it his income inequality yes I I'm not saying we've entirely avoided the sort of pickety thesis what's Gone Wrong in America with stagnant Cameron which philosophers he'd read out the answer was not many the three men he recalls were trying to work out whether you're just the product of a good education if you allow the debt GDP ratio to get up towards one hundred percent there's no capacity left when the next crisis hits and I don't believe we've abolished boom and bust we've abolished the trade interviewed by three quote badly dressed and disheveled Don's as part of the university admissions process I still shiver at the memory he writes they were stagnation is still a big problem and then debt is still very very high yes so the fundamental point is that went up became prime minister the the deficit Russians went to the woolwich learnt the lesson of the nineteen thirties which was you know you must recognize the monetary nature of the crisis but we were very concerned that the budget deficit was added some difficult decisions but that game is sort of window permission to take these difficult steps we should say also one measure that you improved a lot on which in this country we have not improved on protect the poorest in a number of different ways for instance we froze public sector pay but we omitted from that freeze the very lowest paid we cut taxes for the lowest you were very effective but actually the biggest bank bailout was the Royal Bank of Scotland in Britain I think the longest and deepest recession was ours because often actual sectors name prime minister of the United Kingdom in two thousand ten his conservative party hadn't won a clear majority in the election so it had to form a coalition government with the Liberal Democrats not government economically and in terms of reform so it is hard to leave Brexit to one side obviously because it came to dominate the conversation the way I assess it and I may be forms that didn't go right name a few I think the health reforms less successful I love our national health service great believer in free healthcare but ages at the bottom but we saw huge job growth and then we also saw particles of the changes you made inequality actually went down rather than up we was a referendum to create more leverage for further renegotiation wile however hoping and thinking that the referendum would fail regulations and the power of national governments but you felt you weren't making enough progress and therefore it seemed like a good idea to propose okay so we asked we were very factored and inherited a pretty difficult situation so talk about generally for people who don't follow it at all you had to consider austerity special relationship but we also had very good partnerships with India with China we'd been ranked the second greenest government in the world I think we'd been ranked the most open in terms of because then you went out and campaigned for the remain side that's the calculus that for me is difficult to understand the congress was this that I knew so looking after the elderly the Casa people with multiple health conditions and the sort of divide we have in Britain between healthcare which is free and control that we had to have a program to bring it back and we fought the election very rare for a party to fight an election on the basis we're going to cut spending and we're going to have to put up some taxes and we're GONNA have to make of information and we were very transforming govern times of digital and online services the rest of it I'm not saying we were perfect of course there are lots of problems to deal with some re there's an important chapter in the book about when I worked in the Treasury as an adviser when we're in the exchange rate mechanism which ultimately failed and we needed reform of opposition in Europe because of this problem of the changes in the eurozone I was hoping that a more general treaty change was coming down ah so we're sitting here in twenty nineteen let's pretend you were still pm you would have been prime you'd be a year away from the end of your second term and let's pretend that brexit had we won the referendum I mean if you go back twenty fourteen we were the fastest growing country in the g seven we had a very good relationship obviously with yourself deficit but it was you know well under control and now it's been virtually round the ratio debt to GDP is still relatively very it is I but it would be a lot if we'd carry it on with anywhere in the world got stuck on a zip wire would be disastrous the bars it'll be actually trying to see that you you've called me a blonde haired mark in the paper carving Britain out of ever-closer Union so for the first time the EU is accepting not that we were going to the same destination but in slightly slow away but actually we had social care which is means tested so I think there is we could have done better but it was I would argue if you need brexit once I a second it was a successful totally wrong is that you and your administration were making significant progress in renegotiations with the EU on immigration and Roy was the currency of eighteen of the twenty eight members but it wasn't for everybody I always wonder what England would have been like had you accepted the euro while I think that was one of the things that taught me we should stay out of the euro there are times when economies need different interest rates different economic policies and the problem with the euro is can you want in or out on the status quo I won't improve on the status quo so these things did go together and you know I think the reforms we achieved which were happen all we'd won the reverend of us or you'd WanNa referenda right do you think that your administration would be seen as largely successful I think if easily stated here we are in the United States you go to a single currency cool the dollar if Texas has a bad year it gets more in federal spending pays less taxes not that Texas and making sure that as we deal with Russia or as we deal with Iran that we have the leverage of working together in many cases trying to lead I've always loved that bit on the track and to me the referendum in the renegotiation went together you wouldn't get much renegotiation without a referendum and I wouldn't want a referendum on his own because you're just be saying different destination in mind to the rest of Europe hugely important we also fully protected the pound sterling is our currency recognizing that you know the Britain joined it which I think would have been a disaster for us I think it probably would have been a disaster for the euro's was the original sin in your view in terms of the UK in having joined the EU itself no I believe that Europe is our biggest market and our neighbors and friends in is it trigger they call this on and then vanished where is it is in Europe in this structure up here where is Kay's but last week David Cameron relationship with the with the French and German Italians and others is very very close and I've always believed the not as close today as it was a couple years ago no but don't underestimate the the sense of partnership and Shared Endeavor that there is and there will be even when we leave the EU if we do so we will be their closest friend neighbor and partner so henry eleven percent budget deficit and I I try to explain in the book it's pretty dry stuff your debt to GDP ratio but to me it's a fundamental thing about political responsibility of course the UK we've always seen our nationhood as part of the secret source of our success and if you go back you you're creating a currency but without a single banking system without fiscal union without offsets to deal with it and I've always belted inherently unstable a culture snus is is not only a fantastic thing that we did on behalf of humanity but it was it was something on nation did so we've not seen our nationhood as a source of of British voters listed Europe as one of the most pressing issues although that answer doesn't take into account concerns about immigration which did feed the appetite for me think reforms would too much about changing the bureaucracy rather than really focusing on the problems of modern health service faces which is actually the cost David Cameron is that he called for the brexit referendum because he wanted to settle the so-called Europe question once and for all to get out of the way so he could spend his second term as the Conservatives were interested in this issue it was an issue running through British politics Cameron's own euro-scepticism dates all the way back to his youthful exit vote so too did Cameron's austerity policies and public spending cuts for his part Cameron was adamant that brexit referendum of your what I've not light is the sort of pretensions toward statehood that the EU has always loved the flag on the parliament and comics the gold standard degree for Britain's political elite. He went straight into politics and wound up serving under Chancellor of the Exchequer Norman Lamont in Hey I think if we're joined the euro feeding the whole project might have Come badly unstuck by now badly unstuck meaning well if you go back is that has backed I think if you're a smaller European country you feel sometimes you'll power enhanced because you'll sat round that table and often sitting around the table you notice seven does have a bad year of course we don't have those fiscal offsets in the European Union so I've always believed that the euro email is problematic because administer on other priorities he'd been reelected in two thousand fourteen to a second five-year term going into that election one poll showed that only eight percent them quote I had always felt myself more of a Thatcher Ist than Thatcherite at Oxford Cameron studied p. p. e. philosophy politics in econ his sharpest bout of Euroscepticism it happened during the so-called euro zone crisis several weaker e you economies Greece Ireland Portugal Spain the Treasury Department just in time to see Lamont forced to pull the flailing British pound out of the European Exchange Rate Mechanism that admiration of Margaret Thatcher the budget-conscious former Conservative prime minister although as Cameron writes in a typical case of his habit both ways and Cyprus had massive deaths or needed bailouts and the value of the euro was dropping so it fell to the richer countries like the UK to step up well it doesn't seem so strange to me that lesser countries would want to feel that sentiment with a bigger union because you already have it well I think that's I think that in the end my aim to keep Britain in but in a special place wasn't successful difficult decisions are inherently difficult to predict you was just a matter of time after all euroscepticism has deep tendrils in the UK going well beyond the Conservative Party yes of course I mean the always believed for Britain it's just to be round the table with the other members of the EU making sure that the rules of the market which is all biggest market suit us were supposed to be unanimously approved in this case as a work around the EU instead established in accord and that was the moment it seemed to me to such a crucial moment in British history as May nineteen forty when the rest of Europe fallen and Britain was standing alone against Nazi Germany in why not so important I thought it best therefore to try and affect a renegotiation and improve and deal with these problems at the same time and I still think that's the case so if you go back not just in front of you but the ones you see coming down the track and not doing something is also a decision after Cameron's impotent veto that Britain's position within this organization was very precarious and we needed to sort it out and I believe that allied to the fact that was would you do it again well what I say it also that his I believed at the time that it was inevitable a referendum was coming as cameron noted earlier that was one of the things that taught me we should stay out of the euro but it was once cameron had been prime minister for a year and a half that he experienced perhaps make better ones download the latest episode of choice allergy and subscribe at Schwab Dot com slash podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts in two thousand and fifty in the Labor Party the Liberal Party the Green Party they all one stage or another supported a referendum on Europe so it was it's not just and make a good decision based on all the available logic and information but you don't know what the outcome will be had you decision to make again today whether to put forth the referendum growing political pressure to solve this problem bent that it was inevitable and right to try and renegotiate and hold a referendum and sort things out but I accept this attempt skin time and say could you have done things differently I mean I put off the referendum on I would have done was put off I mean it still would have landed on maybe my trouble or strife or difficulty with seat as part of our success so that that does not as out of it to one common critique and I like reminding people is sometimes I do it as a quiz can you name a British political party I didn't support a referee answer is there is not one between two thousand five all respirators like many British Prime Ministers I was always sort of battling to stay in the bits that we liked but to try and carve out a special place there was a proposed treaty change to address the Crisis David Cameron vetoed it I did veto and then they went ahead and did the anyway European Union treaty changes successes there might have been some value for you personally reputation correct my feeling was what the job of a prime minister is to try and confront the issues the representatives for multiple Cypress or whatever you know they they're loving it because the having you around the Big Table there's that aspect of it there's another aspect which is the EU treaty but before his eventual call for the brexit referendum came another referendum in two thousand fourteen the Scottish Nationalist Party wanted Scotland to break away eight from the UK and they wanted to put it to a vote. Of course I could have said to know you'll having it as put it off but that would have just made the problem worse so the Scottish referendum stitcher Ziprecruiter the smartest way to hire former British Prime Minister David Cameron has just the book May Not Improve Your view of camera but it's a remarkably interesting account of a remarkably tumultuous era of modern history it's also read much more distant event that also drove brexit sentiment it's coming up right after this freakonomics radio is sponsored by Shit with him because in spite of all the disagreements and difficulties you should make an effort and there were moments of success but in the end when it came to ends up recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day right now try Ziprecruiter for free at our web address zip recruiter dot com slash freak in client service and support every step of the way visit rocket mortgage dot com slash freak and take the first step toward the home of your dreams equal housing lender doc it mortgage by quicken loans home so much more than a house it's your own little slice of Heaven that's why when you find the perfect place for you and your family are licensed in all fifty states mls consumer access dot Org number thirty thirty rocket mortgage by quicken loans push-button get more you days how ziprecruiter's technology finds people with the right experience and invites them to apply for your job it's no wonder four out of five employers who post coming up after the break was it inevitable maybe maybe not we've already heard about the economic and nationalistic drivers but there was another direct cameron pulls few punches in his descriptions of world leaders Vladimir Putin for instance I did try to forge a good relation in a mortgage shouldn't get in the way quicken loans has helped millions of Americans achieve their dream of home ownership they make the home buying process work for you with award your first American Express Business Card yes to choosing from cards including ones with no annual fee yes to payment flexibility don't do business without it to the shooting down of the Malaysian airliner when it came to what was happening in Syria when it came to chemical weapons and what a sad rates and fees apply learn more at American Express Dot com slash no dash annual dash fi freakonomics radio is sponsored by Zipper offense that you know here was a problem that was coming down the tracks and we confronted it and that was the right thing to do so the way I think about it is cruder cafe alturas Coo Dylan Moskowitz needed to hire a director of coffee so we went to ziprecruiter posted his job and found the best person for the role in justice expending more in the EU she did help with renegotiation but I we came up against this problem which was gauge this episode of Free Trade was brought to you by American Express you said Yes to realizing your side project should be front and center now say yes donate she didn't want Britain to disentangle itself from the EU but I think she did have an understanding that Britain was quite a eurosceptic nation that we were in soldiers and so he is very good at information war in a modern war is fought not just with tanks and bombs and guns but with of PR probably got some of those wrong on the central question was this problem coming in was a referendum inevitable amount through the one published a memoir called for the record if you identify with the forty eight percent of Britons voted for the UK to remain in the European Union by her generosity and accepting refugees yes primarily look I think she made a mistake because I'm awful show generosity we actually over in country always trying to claim that it was sort of Ukrainian breakaway forces but we all knew they were largely earned media manipulation and cyber attacks and cyber attacks and that was something the Russians got very good at and frankly we need to raise our game at it now Germany after trying to confront and deal with these issues and then there will the decisions around the decision you make was it the right campaign was the renegotiation was at the right timing and I'm pretty frank that I think is to complement he was very good at at least yeah well if we take what was happening in Ukraine where effectively Russia took a part of a John who is his ally fired in the end I just couldn't trust what he was saying to me is true here's how you put it in the book for for Putin lying as an art form which is I guess a left and went out to the camps and brought people back from the camps and gave them the right to live in Britain and educated children and house them include them and fed them and I think that the miracle you seem to have hold in very high regard yes I mean she is a remarkable politician also with huge staying power I remember watching the free movement for everybody well let me ask you about this is a complicated conversation let's let's have a quick version of a murky one could say was brought down primarily enough to to help us with that which should have done or could she I think she did help and we cut the budget together that was important cutting budgets at home and it would have been outrageous to keep incredibly about your desire to get involved in Syria to retaliate to stop Assan you're right about your conversations with Obama which led you to back in two thousand six was when she first sort of fought campaign and became chancellor and here we are in twenty nineteen and she's still less barely I mean L. mistake we made was that when we drew the red line and we discussed it sometime before the chemical weapons attack took place and we were at the g eight in Northern Ireland we should I believe that America would lead the streak and then you write this it's hard to believe I read it three times it was so hard to believe that it was true that you called Obama to help finalize the it's the right answer I think the romance is what Germany did which was just to say all who can make it are welcome it was a green light to the people and President Obama was very much elected on the basis of let's try and solve these entanglements and make sense of them and he was a closet brexit fan and maybe even a jerks at fan given the opportunity I think I would phrase have agreed at that moment right we're setting red line if he uses chemical weapons here's what we're going to do if we had agreed it we could take an instant action before having a sort of Engelman I just thought the chemical weapons issue is different you know apart from Saddam Hussein at Alaba chemical weapons hadn't been used on the battlefield for decades control is only one aspect of the sensible immigration policy but you do need to have borders particularly if you've taken on the internal borders between France and Italy the free movement of people in Europe is a good thing millions of British people go and live and work in other European countries but what was originally the free movement of workers became Mugler's to just keep going with the work and I felt that Europe handled this issue very badly you've got to demonstrate we'll know that plan and he didn't return the call for four days this was off to this to Syria chapters in to Syria sort of things to focus on one is they're pulling yeah I thought that others like me would be so shocked by the use of chemical weapons and would sufficiently separated from the other foreign policy issues parliamentary in UN and debate and all the rest of it and I think I blame myself as much for that as Barack because you know we could make that argument and I should have made that argument were you each we know that economic sanctions don't often work the way they're supposed to we know that military intervention is costly on many many many dimensions but can you talk for a minute about waiting for the other to take the lead I think it was and he would say this to I hope we were both operating in the sort of post Iraq was and all the rest of it have you taken down the internal borders you do need a strong external so I thought big mistakes were made well let's unpack that going back to Syria because you right why was it that we failed to respond to that red line and while I'm in a make the point that after it happened took too long for us to speak I think the re- but actually people in my own party in caucuses you would say a lot of them said I'm voting against this action because of what happened in Iraq and I was like saying the EU for the things that we wanted the trade and cooperation but we didn't we didn't want deeper political union she did understand that you can argue that she didn't brexit itself how much if at all did the Syrian war and the resulting refugee crisis contribute to the demand for Brexit still I get the sense from meeting book that she very much empathized with your desire to disentangle the UK from the EU and I wondered if she the cost in the case of Syria of non-intervention they also hideous about the Syrian conflict is there was so many bad effects aids and there was a Tabua badge those international rules about it and I thought we'd been Toki justified say this is a red line the red lines cross bank but by the time Obama then reappeared prices and I believe we could have done then as a second question which is on the use of chemical weapons where Barack Obama rightly said it was a red line isn't Iraq this is chemical weapons Syria this is but I I didn't convince enough of them and I lost the vote in parliament which was very bad thing to do so when we look at foreign policy the leave campaign certainly took advantage of anxieties over immigration as Cameron noted earlier the free movement of people is written into the European Union treaties it also created the background to the refugee crisis that has caused so much human suffering and possibly you argue lead to some of the problems in Europe perhaps even a civil war and events that take place and the question could America and Britain and others have done more to try and help resolve this uh of Cameron's renegotiations with the EU before he called the brexit referendum to the EU removed. uh-huh I got home to a track of having to you know take it to parliament and then I made one of these sort of miscalculation under reconnected with you you would had vote in your parliament correct we reconnected before the vote by parliament but because we hadn't prior agreed the action that is very hard to say and the were of course plenty of other economic factors already pushing the UK in that direction but it's a compelling argument you know in in Britain we had lost a lot of people in Iraq and so we were operating environment where the public and parliament was deeply skeptical about getting involved in these seven Eastern European countries joined the EU back in two thousand and four the UK government said we expect about fourteen thousand people to come and live and after the referendum which showed that European migrants to the UK produce more gains for the UK economy than the standard existing British citizens so people were coming to and it gives the citizens of any member state the right to move and live in any other member state without needing a permit this provision was a major target sort of demonstrating a control of the number you love and were petrified by at the same time prime minister's questions in Britain and in the event it was actually more like a million people came so that had created a sense amongst British people that the politicians just didn't have a good handle on L. Fascist and work meant that a new arrival could actually claim to fourteen thousand pan sort of twenty thousand dollars in their first year in terms of tax credits is it made it exciting cockpit of debate and that's true so for that reason is very intense very noisy pretty terrifying did in the end was I persuaded them to accept something which was difficult for them which was that new arrivals to Britain couldn't access all well fessed up to four years which was a huge game for them and this was an issue and I thought that might negotiating the welfare side of it would really help and I think it helped a bit but it wasn't directed offered yeah maybe you could just in a sense to explain what this tradition is what happens is every Wednesday at twelve o'clock the premise that turns up to the House of Commons and you can get caught out so you can go from triumphant brilliant off the cuff or previously planned answer and for the first time in a long time the number there's a purpose to it and that is that because you know it's coming it's a great moment of accountability where the prime minister's tentacles of gotTa get comet obviously predominantly the pulling suffering of the Syrian people in the civil war that has gone on for so many years but it also helped to spawn the growth of Isis and not reforming it was something of an article of faith and I I couldn't persuade them that we need some reforms to free movement so in fact what this is small it was bombed in the war and Churchill rebuilt it on exactly the same size where you can actually fit all the people in and he did that because he said he likes being smaller the numbers in that that created a a worry the second thing was that of yes these people were coming to live and work in Britain and contribute and pay taxes but the way and a great gain for me but in the end didn't quite take the trick in the referendum that I needed so there was an economic analysis of migrants done doctors is growing very quickly and the number of bureaucrats is actually falling to really screwing up and failing to remember the right factor or figure advocate for a moment and say this one thing that many in your country especially from the educated class like yourself eaten Oxford and all the oxbridge universe one and don't underestimate if you didn't have this you'd have to find some other way of absolutely mugging up on every different aspect of what look a saying that goes back a ways to the military setting that amateurs strategize and professionals execute yeah I think I use the phrase and you take questions from everybody of a half an hour you don't know what you're going to be ost the leader of the opposition yet six questions at you Amoco's Komen it of democracy which is what is supposed to be on the other hand if we think about it economically think about opportunity costs so you're getting your first round of prep on Monday along with over Whitehall the government machine know the answer to every question and it's often a time where you find some of your own government's policies in you realize Britain because the bridge was doing well and they were coming to work and that was great I think that was the two problems I've mentioned one is when Poland and the other love the communicating part of politics does matter on the part of politics which is actually delivering change and making things happen and the importance of logistics I completely agree the ones that you thought they were change things so let me just devil's advocate this firm woman I love Prime Minister's questions I've been a few times I think it's a thrilling exhibit and I mean I really do admire the fact
Adrienne Brodeur: ...the consequences of keeping a big secret
"Welcome to nobody told me I'm Jan Black and I'm Laura Owens and we are thrilled to welcome Adrian Brodeur to our episode There was this incredibly charismatic fabulous woman and it was really one of the most seductive exciting magical moments of my life and author was my stepfather's best friend and then south or was married which of course my mother was married and they were couple friends and it came in and she tried to wake me up and she said Rennie which is my nickname wake up wake up I need you and I remember so clearly oh most asleep half asleep a little bit thinking about a boy but mostly asleep and at some point well after midnight my door opened and my mother whose name is Malibu in truth the experience in that moment was quite the opposite I mean it was you know you're you're so in your mother's thrall it at age and my mother he has been simmering in your life since you were fourteen and it's a really fascinating story can you tell us how it all began yes absolutely so my story Ori- unlike most other mother daughter stories and it's a real page Turner as a mother daughter duo ourselves we found it fascinating and we think our listeners will too name but it was it was incredibly thrilling to be so close to her and to be such a part of a grownup drama and I think it was also frankly you know at that moment certainly not afterwards but very exciting what was your relationship like with her before she told you this big secret where you guys need I don't know if it would have been different had she still been married to my father I mean she'd been you know it was my stepfather she was confiding in me it just it all seemed ager hearing this from your mother it must have been really confusing I would think you would think that and I think the other thing you might think is you know the obvious it began on a hot July night on Cape Cod in about nineteen eighty and I was fourteen years old and I was alone in my bedroom which is like what an unbelievable burden to put on a child and how horrible and to that I would say you know especially with hindsight yes yes and yes but gone to bed as my mother's daughter but I woke up the next day as for confidante and best friend how did that feel as a teen not wanting to be awakened and then she said Ben South or just kissed me and with that of course my eyes popped open because bin Salman who'd know even in real time in that moment that it was one of those moments in life with a before and after and nothing would ever be the same and so felt like once I climbed on board which I really didn't have a choice in but it was just like a very long adrenaline rush it was like some you know mother version of the Louise and I was the girl behind the wheel of the getaway car and you know it's just always ready to jump on the gas when my mother although I didn't know it in the moment my mother was about to embark on this epic epic love affair that would last over a dozen years but what Adrian thank you so much for joining us thank you so much for having me I'm a huge fan of your podcast and I'm really thrilled to be on it oh we'll were so happy to have you this as friends before or was it more of like you said a mother daughter Vibe I think we had you know a more traditional mother daughter relationships this was this was a decidedly huge change I mean she was always you know there is no black and white right we're all shades of gray and one of my that said you know we had a confusing childhood I mean my parents got divorced there were new people coming and going comments and clearly she was also you know very narcissistic and put herself first but it wasn't you know it wasn't all one thing or the other and in some ways you talk just big hopes in writing this book was to portray her well you know to show her complexities and she was nurturing and she did have very sweetly a moment ago about being caught up in this grownup drama so for a fourteen year old girl it must have felt like she was accepting you she was bringing you into this own complicated adolescence and puberty and separation and everything else I just sort of went all in instead of doing what most of the teenagers around me I'm doing which is sort of pulling back so you decided to facilitate that affair just because you really wanted to continue that relationship with her and you liked the role the secret world that you know of the adults that heretofore you hadn't been part of absolutely I mean you know and also it's sort of diverted me from me maybe not my own daughter is turning fourteen next week so she's the exact age that I was when all this was happening in my life you were playing now as her friend you know to say decided almost gives me more power than I think I deserved at the time I mean yes I can't do that you know I mean children want to please their parents and I was certainly I was definitely by nature people pleaser and by nurture nobody told me conversation continues in just a moment you know we touch on a lot of serious topics here on nobody told me helping others through tough times and I mean of course I can't even imagine obviously doing something like that but I also can't imagine there would be many things that she would say no mom I can't if you've gone through difficult times you may be well aware of how stress can take its toll on your appearance leaving you with under eye bags crows feet and wrinkles sound familiar let's talk you know the result of my parents acrimonious divorce when I was young I had these abandonment issues I just you know I was Barnacle and she was my rock additional ten dollars off that's right fifty percent off plus an extra ten dollars off this offer is also available by calling one eight hundred those cross feed fine lines and under eye bags in minutes that's right minutes don't believe that we didn't either until we tried it within minutes my skin was smoother audience with the decision but I just think it's Kinda didn't have a choice I don't feel like I did have a choice and it's very in this coincidence of all coincidences I looked refreshed and well rested it's exactly what you need to take that first step toward a successful day and the best part is plexiglass goes on clear so nobody will know six eight five twelve ninety two and mentioning code nobody told me Lexa derm is backed by a thirty day money back guarantee visit try plexus about a quick and easy way for you to look refreshed and empower your day we're talking about plexiglass of course Alexa Durham is clinically studied serum that visibly eliminates wrinkle are using it unless you tell them and the effects last for hours go to try plexus term dot com and use our code nobody told me for fifty percent off plus an dot com today and use code nobody told me at checkout that's TRIPLEX eter dot com how did this impact your own parenting style with your daughter over the years well I mean Gosh that's such a huge a huge question but I think her wellbeing sort of above above all else you know that's my number one priority so you know we don't actually generally so I've always been very clear on our boundaries and I love my daughter but I am her mother and I do not try to be her best friend and I put you know I did a lot of I had my daughter when I was you know older and I was I was not a young mother but I think also I was your mom overcome challenges that obviously arose during this whole experience well I mean talking about thirty years so I mean the challenges have been different and progressive and changing all the time so you know in the book I described many times of trying to separate long after she's gone she's currently very ill with dementia so we we have an entirely different relationship now than we used to just I respect those boundaries but I don't know if I would have had I not sort of had the experience of past but I did how did you end all the obvious reasons but I will say she was you know she knew when I was starting to write this book and she gave her support and I've you know I read ah a bit and successfully or unsuccessfully and I think it will be honestly my lifelong challenge I think I'll be having these conversations in my head with my mother came close it's it's obviously very different than it ever was I'm wondering does your own daughter know the story now I mean this is going to be a huge book it's going to be a movie into make exactly the same mistakes that are parent do but I you know I can see why some people want a different relationship or one and even a relationship and I always respect these things as well as I understand it does your daughter no well I have told her the essence of the story I think we all it's a question I get asked a lot and I think what sort of if when she had a lot of power you know she's fairly powerless now and relies on other people for almost everything in her life so you know we remain we remain charming are funny about it is sort of the assumption that most of our children are fascinated by our interior lives because she is a very normal leave saves you money on award winning wine you're guaranteed to love and they make it fun and easy unlike other wine clubs that guess about your favorite wines with an adult for the most part our nobody told me conversation continues in just a minute after we tell you a bit about our sponsor I leaf I with her grandmother but she you know I think it's just sort of in a place that doesn't affect her on the day to day and and my son is younger he's he's and my own mother would have leaned in and been like let it go I would've I would've been okay well what Julie did and look these boundaries that she puts up so suddenly you know ask her about a friend or something and she'll say oh you know well that's you know I can't say or that's private or something is to get these specially selected wines delivered right to our doorstep in lovely packaging opening up the firstly Fox of wines at the end of a long day was like assessed are exact wine drinking preferences from sweetness to wine styles to even how adventurous we are they learned all about what we like and wheeler and a lot about our own tastes to by taking that I leave wine quiz I leaf then created an introductory six pack of wine for each of us all for just twenty nine nine rick reordering or she enjoys reading I don't think she's read the whole thing but she does know the story and she has a very she has a really nice relationship my next shipment in fact I leave sends out more than seventeen thousand unique shipments of wine every month because everyone's tastes are different try only twenty nine ninety five plus free shipping try I leave dot com slash nobody told me going back to her story talk to us a little bit about a lot of it to her as she was as she was getting sicker but I will say I think a big part of her enjoy the pages I mean enjoyed hearing about the food and enjoyed listening to a time in her life I leaf uses your feedback in ratings to curate wine selections personalized to your unique tastes I leave is so confident in the quality of their wine they even have a one hundred I leaf wine club today where buying great wine is simple sign up with our link and you'll get an exclusive intro offer six bottles of wine for only twenty turning eleven and you know he's really not remotely interested but my father was I mean both my parents were writers but my father was a writer with many books and I didn't read them at try I leaf dot com slash. Nobody told me again just go to try I leaf dot com slash nobody told me for six bottles of wine for percents satisfaction guarantee that means if you're not feeling a particular bottle of wine I leave cover it completely we got started by taking the first leaf wine quiz she went through two divorces of her own parents and she had many tragedies you know she she found out her father had a secret second family she had an unhappy marriage eighty five seriously an introductory six pack of wine for twenty nine ninety five these winds normally go for at least twenty dollars a piece at what a treat it was oil before they were to marry and so you know she was probably in her late forties that the time and I think this was completely devastating and so he opening up a birthday present really fun when my bottles arrived I tasted and rated them online I leave took my ratings and selected unique wines based on my taste think things in writing this book was frankly how much empathy I developed for my mother I mean like public service announcement my heart expanded nine ninety five plus free shipping just go to try I leaf dot com slash nobody told me that six bottles of wine for only twenty nine ninety five plus free shipping came pretty much an old man overnight and then you know Ben came into our life and so on the one hand we can talk about all the terrible and masculine man who hunted and fished and did everything outside and also was a businessman and you know he was really interesting character fourteen year old and she's really interested in her own life and I have left the Ark of the book out and about and every now and then she picks it up but it certainly holds nothing and his wife like her husband was ill and you know pay chose to go that path at what point did you start to think that this get consciousness about or perspective on your life's events and for me that took a long time so you know I wrote about it in my journal to my father she lost her first child so the first time you know she when she fell in love with my first stepfather the Charles Character I mean I think she was madly madly in love and this was sort of going to be the great thing of her life and of course he had four strokes and five days just a short as a teenager I wrote really overwrought short stories in my twenties they were fiction but you know thinly veiled and then understand her and so my mother had a really difficult life it might have seemed glamorous on the outside but you know her parents were married and divorced and married and divorced to each other just things about memoir is you don't really get points for the tragedy right I mean it's about the consciousness about the tragedy or I mean tragedy isn't even the right word you get you have to this time Adrian is the author of the highly acclaimed new memoir entitled Wild Game My Mother Her lover and me it's a mother daughter long about that on the other hand you can kinda wow this woman didn't curl up into a ball she went for love and Ben was incredibly vibrant vitals at her relationships with Ben and Charles and what you thought the benefits and drawbacks were to each 'cause they were just fascinating characters well one of the most interesting right make a good story too right I mean you were fourteen when it started when you're you're mother's affair started it lasted for a dozen years at what point did I mean you know when I first started writing about it in my journal I I you know it takes a long time to become conscious about something and I think one of the interesting do you think hey this could be a good story that's an interesting question I don't think even when I wrote the memo about this is a good story and from going through this process and from writing this memoir because during the writing of the book I think the need to forgive her took about accede to the need to no your mother will mind did this but I think it was all really a way to mask the you know fairly genuine pain I'd gone really for a long period of my life I dealt with it in humor and by that I mean also just in like cocktail patter you know it was like the things I'd done the feelings of shame all those types of things and then so I think really the changing point for me or the moment when I realized I need look at my life differently and you know I can't say that I started to think about writing it then was when I had my own children and I realize like you know there was a lot more to reckon with and and so knowing how it's turned out you look back and regret the night that you agreed to be her confidante or how do you feel you know it's kind of just make you wouldn't have your kids I wouldn't have these two children I wouldn't have met my incredibly wonderful husband I wouldn't have the friends that I feel regret for the moments of my life you mentioned that your mother has dimension now but before that did she express any regrets or any thoughts daily prayer plans private and inclusive prayer communities and relaxing Bedtime Bible stories that will help you fall asleep here the Bible come to life through stories research shows daily prayer can help you do just that it's no surprise that forty eight percent of Americans say they pray every day did you know that daily parts of the power she had over you as a young woman are nobody told me conversation continues in just a moment by downloading the prey dot com APP and pray dot com slash. Nobody told me that's P. R. A. Y. dot com slash nobody told me over fifty million prayers have been created on prey dot com find out why at pray dot com slash nobody told me you look back now and nightly prayer routine as well as Inspirational Bible stories designed to strengthen your faith and lift your spirits ray dot com gives you motivation rare improves your cognitive function lowers blood pressure and helps with better decision-making when we have a strong daily and nightly prayer routine were more grateful to understand that of course this specific is universe Oh and we all have mothers and mothers have an incredible like Adam and Eve Noah and the Ark and the ten commandments as a part of your daily prayer routine on Prey Dot COM US pray dot com to build a healthy habit of about involving you in this cover up of her affair you know we spoke about it plenty in our lifetime together and throughout the day and are more relaxed in sleep better throughout the night pray dot com is the number one APP for prayer and sleep with pray dot com you'll discover a new daily Arcane wisdom from the Bible and fall asleep to Bedtime Bible stories right now nobody told me listeners get sixty percent off APPRAI- dot Com premium subscription not in my nature to regret that way and part of that is like I think I'm superstitious that if if it didn't happen like the sliding doors movie like nothing else in my life and yet I found myself compelled to get up at four thirty or five in the morning and right for a couple of hours before my family got up and then you know it was kind of thrilling of course in which the only time I had to myself and I felt a little crazy you know as I was sort of allocating this time when I was a working mother of two children it's not like I had tons of it I would like to share some information about our sponsor pray dot com you know a lot of our listeners in our nobody told me family are looking for ways to ease stress and anxiety that struck such a nerve I mean I wrote a very specific and singular story I thought it was good I was writing in the wee hours of the morning I have or possibly found literature in the way I found it because all these things sort of I don't know I just I don't think about regret that way I mean I just I don't taking it on as memoir which is what I did but you know even even wrote I was surprised as you know anyone would be that is down of power over us and it's often a fraught relationship so even if you didn't I bet your mother in her adulterous affair you might be able to relate to enjoyment and so on yes I I do think she regretted I don't feel like we ever had a big moment of Oh honey I'm so sorry I should never have done that I think I think I just don't think she saw it quite that way I mean I think later on given some of our bigger riff and times of sound terrible but I just I don't think that's how she thought about it you know what I love about the book is I feel like it's such an honest take on mother's because I went oh she might have the same attitude about regret that I do I think she did it you know she it's really hard for me to sort of imagine what she was thinking. I think I'm waffling a bit because it's it's hard always to put yourself in someone else's shoes but I you know I don't think I don't think she felt like she needed a lot of forgiveness for it which might say through this long stage in my life where I felt like my mom was perfect and I I still think she's great but I know she's she's a real person and to do these all black and white things and there was this line that she wrote that literally taped to my computer screen early early on superhuman yeah well I appreciate that I had there was one line that I read I don't know if you guys read Vivian Gorniak but she had this book called I think that your book really portrayed apparent as a person and I think that's just fabulous because people don't really do that you do go through a lot of your life thinking that your mom is in the process which was for the drama to deepen we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent and I remember the situation in the story which is really about writing nonfiction about writing memoir and I think it was in relationship to mummy dearest but she was sort of thing how like it never works I was so involved but at some point you know I stepped in you know I I had opportunities to lean back and and somehow I was so embroiled so I really wanted thinking look at yourself to an all of this what was my role because and that's what I really tried to do in the book I mean obviously it's very easy help you put it all into perspective was it hard was it something you couldn't have done until until the time you actually tackled it yeah it's interesting situation I was in I'm wondering how it impacted you from an emotional standpoint to go through all of this again and write about it look at that why was I doing that what was what was in it for me and why did they why did it take me quite as long to untangle this really confusing I don't know if the writing of it was particularly much more Cathartic than the processing the whole time I mean it definitely actually the book itself of being able to empathize with my mother or see her in a little bit of a different way it allowed me to forgive her and I would say like forgive her in a way that felt it came out fairly quickly like I didn't struggle endlessly I mean it was a lot of work but I didn't you know have big periods of block or big periods of you know emotional title or something but this wasn't like that I mean forgiving my mother was less about sort of covering over her transgressions than a way to get out from under that uh-huh really empowering I used to think that forgiveness was something you kind of gave to someone else or bestowed upon them and that it felt a little sacrifice on and become a better a better parent to my children I think I hope what advice you have for people who might be listening who I don't think there is I mean I I hate to say it I don't think there is a piece of advice for that in some way I don't think I don't think that's it's I'm very grateful obviously that it appears to be happening to my book I mean it's not out yet so I can't really say that but you know it struck a nerve clearly to sort of point a finger at my mother who should never have woken me up I mean who should never have involved me what she does with her own life is one thing but to involve me and the way in sounds obnoxious but I don't think that's the thing to want I mean I think you know wanting the success is just the tail wagging the dog what you need to do is have written books and tried to self publish and they haven't been the success stories they thought they would be or for people who want to write books and want them to be success stories and want them to get the critical and honestly part of it I wasn't a huge reader as a child read and I was smart and went to good schools and all the rest you know it wasn't him and felt like this kind of radical act of empowerment and self interest it unburdened me a bit from the past and and helped me to forgive myself and just move on oppressing novels into my hands and I think she changed my life I mean I became a reader through her and reading certainly helped somehow and and honestly they're also wonderful perfect fabulous books that don't get the ferry dust I mean I'm not quite sure why some are sprinkled like this when you read or when you right when you read if you're whether it's you know fictional characters or non fictional characters you are entering someone else's world liked them in any way so I had you know went into public policy when I got out of college I got my graduate degree in it I was really proceeding in a different way well it's just I wrote it because I needed to write it and I'm wondering too how did living this story affect your decision to get into publishing and thinking wow and there are no longer any policy journals on my bed stand there all these literary journals and novels and you know just making this pivot at some point when I got me almost more than any other thing understand myself understand my story you know we're all so trapped in the bubble of our own experiences and you cannot help like read a lot internal you know the advice I would give her are million steps before how to be successful because it's it's just so much bigger than that ordinary woman who had this beautiful independent bookstore in del Mar California and from the moment I met her which was in probably in my early twenties she just started onto right from a place of truth and a place of beauty and all those things and honestly it's I mean my advice to any writer is and in order to do that you have to be imagining a life it's very different of your own so whether it's about the queen of England or you know with never one of those kids who was under the bed you know under the going gets with the flash and my father's third wife was just extreme Kazini New York what authors would you say inspired you oh so many authors have inspired me let me just think for Hodgman who wrote a beautiful and nuanced mother son Memoir called Betty Ville I love Mary cars voice almost beyond reason Kathryn literary heritage my Father Was New Yorker writer my mother was
Impeachment support is growing ... but only among Democrats
"Welcome to the live from meet the press. I'm Kerry, Dan, Donald Trump calls it, the I word some Democrats say it's absolutely necessary. And some Democrats say better pump the brakes. And now we've got some fresh new numbers about exactly what I mean. In that previous sentence when I say the word some, yes, we're talking about impeachment, and these are hot fresh new poll numbers from Sunday morning and what better there from our baby, the gold standard and B C news Wall Street Journal poll, and that poll finds what you might have suspected is true that support for impeachment proceedings. Now is in fact up among Democrats, but it's still not quite a majority position to have impeachment hearings begin. Now even within the Democratic Party. Here's some new. On. So let me explain what this means. If you take all Democrats forty eight percent say there should be impeachment proceedings now and that is up quite a bit from last month. When thirty percent of Democrats said that then let's look at the nation as a whole, what that means is that support for impeachment is up in the nation as a whole, but again, that movement has come pretty much entirely from within the Democratic Party and the entire country. Twenty seven percent of all Americans say there's enough evidence to begin impeachment hearings now, which is up ten points from last month, which mainly sounds like not a lot. The president definitely think so he tweeted yesterday that quote, almost seventy percent in new poll say, don't impeach while we appreciate the presidential shout out the tweet leaves out a little bit of context, which is at another twenty four percent of. American voter say congress needs to keep investigating the president to see if in fact, there are grounds for impeachment that, by the way is pretty much Nancy Pelosi's position. So overall, if you add together those two percentages, it's pretty much a fifty fifty issue on impeachment or not among Americans, a combined half of Americans are either pro impeachment or let's call it impeachment curious. And by the way, that percentage includes pretty much every democrat and fifty six percent of independence. So what does that mean for Nancy Pelosi and for the twenty twenty presidential candidates, you know what this is a primary process full of million dollar questions. But I think we're all starting to think that one might be the million est that's a lead for us, if you'd like to hear more of this free audio briefing, ukiah download us as a free podcast.
Los Angeles Times 8/7/20
"It's Friday August seventeenth. I'm Mary Regalado, and here's your local news from the Los Angeles Times. Today will be sunny for the most part with highs in the low eighties and a low tonight of sixty to. Our top story younger adults are fueling California's covid nineteen crisis like never before that's what health officials say residents under the age of fifty. Now make up sixty percent of new coronavirus cases in La County and officials warn that the spread among younger adults is transmitting the virus to those who are vulnerable. Meanwhile California's cumulative covid nineteen death toll surpassed ten, thousand yesterday. It's a somber mark that underscores how estate that was once hailed as a pandemic success story is now struggling to slow outbreaks. In related news according to State prison officials as many as seventeen, six, hundred inmates in California could be released early due to the coronavirus that's about seven thousand more prisoners than previously estimated officials increased the estimate last week after more than three, thousand inmates were freed in April, and after about seven thousand more were deemed eligible for release in early July prison officials have also been under pressure to release more inmates after a botched transfer of infected inmates into San Quentin State prison led to the states worst prison covid nineteen outbreak. Nearly one hundred seventy inmates are still infected there and twenty three have died in the meantime more than two thousand California prisoners have either recovered or released while infected. In other virus news, black people and Latinos are far more likely to report being affected by the coronavirus them white people in Los Angeles and statewide including impact on their health, their jobs and their finances that's according to a poll of registered voters conducted last month by UC. Berkeley's Institute of Governmental Studies. It shows racial gaps in ways that the virus has had an effect on people's lives among Latino, voters forty eight percent said they or their families faced not being able to pay for food thirty, two percent of Asian voters and twenty nine percent of black voters reported the same problem among white voters the share fell to eighteen percent. And finally in the last four and a half years, a growing number of homeless people in the La area have hanged themselves. Nearly two hundred homeless people have taken their own lives in that time period and so far. This year fifty, five percent have killed themselves by hanging. That's up from forty percent in two thousand sixteen according to a coroner's report. For many homeless people a history of trauma is made worse by the miseries of homelessness. Authorities also struggled to get mental health services to those living in the streets and culturally competent suicide prevention is lacking. and. Although the use of a firearm is the leading suicide method for men in the US homeless people don't typically have guns. If you or someone you know is exhibiting warning signs of suicide seek help from a professional and call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at one, eight, hundred, two, seven, three, talk. For these stories and more visit L. A. Times Dot Com.