1 Burst results for "Flo Kate"

"flo kate" Discussed on 10% Happier with Dan Harris

10% Happier with Dan Harris

12:14 min | 11 months ago

"flo kate" Discussed on 10% Happier with Dan Harris

"I'm doing this for the greater good and that our society could get back to normal in a healthy manner even though it feels like it's GonNa take a long time with this approach of social distancing. That actually is a good approach and my suffering now is helping others. I mean you did say early on that having a meaning behind your patients really turbocharged the whole enterprise so that's the transcendence yet that's the transcendence something bigger back to a the awareness of your emotional state that to me is a meditators screams out like okay. Well this whole thing can work better if you have the self awareness that's generated from meditation definitely lane and in one of our early studies. We actually tried out. Created A patient's training program for college undergraduates and with that program every session. We had included a meditation opponent because for many people in our society. Our lives are so busy and we're constantly inundated with information and Stimuli. That most people are not able to become aware unless they stop and induce some type of meditative practice. Whether it be more of a mindfulness meditation or some other type of meditative activity Katie. You're nodding your head wondering if you WANNA weigh on that I concur I think a lot of these processes do it. Easier with mindfulness. I sort of put flow over. Mindfulness in terms of talking about our results from that study in China just because it didn't seem to have very consistent effective ameliorating the effects of quarantine. But you know it's possible and would be hard to look at statistically but it is very possible that having mindfulness as a base and then building flow onto that is particularly effective. I would have to believe but what I'm hearing overall from you guys is that patients is a skill that can be generated because I constitutionally not very patient died. Can't sit still very well. And the more I meditate tomorrow notice how. My Day is infused with rushing and my meditation teacher. Joseph Goldstein has always talking about notice rushing as a feedback as this toppling forward. That's happening for me in meditation. Or when I'm putting my shoes on or you waiting for my son to reach the end of his sentence so I can tell them. It's time for a timeout. Or whatever it is. It's just their so prominently now says salient partly. Because I've got the boosted self awareness from meditation. Yes I stop talking but I wonder if this provokes thoughts free the review now. I definitely a big advocate that we can improve our patients and we found that not only were the participants who were in the course instead of the control group. They were more patient at the end. They also showed a decrease in depressive symptoms. So if you look actually at ancient philosophy. The of patience is discussed as between two vices. So one of recklessness impulsivity and the thing we typically think of as impatience but the other pole is a term. I can never pronounce a CD. A- basically it's giving up on life and giving up on the things that are most important to you sometimes it's translated US sloth or boredom or busy ness it's right we don't really have a term for it in our language but a lot of it is things that go along with depressive symptoms of no longer able to stay engaged when. I think about it with patient right. It's if you become so overwhelmed you start to just give up on goals in life. And I think that's a real danger. We see during this quarantine for cove in nineteen people are disconnected from things. That are most important to them and disconnected from everything and from the things that they're passionate about and so it makes a lot of sense to me earlier. What you're saying with Flo Kate because I think with flo you get the energy of feeling that passion that thing that energizes you right in with patients that helps you to not become so overwhelmed that you just have to disengage because you can't handle the negative emotion and that anxiety and so you just give up instead so in all. Just add. Think a lot of my research has sort of looked at what we do when we aren't there yet. So you know if you find yourself. Thrown into a terrible uncertain situation or a terrible interpersonal situation in the case of that sort of patients. What do you do that? And so a lot of my research is kind of looking cheats. Like if you find yourself losing your mind cause your patience is not where it needs to be. Well okay maybe maybe try meditation and maybe try to find flow activity. We've got some others like expose yourself to something that will bring into your life so you know. They're all kind of cheats to try to achieve what patients achieved naturally. But are those cheats or are those just genuine tools that will get you to patients. Well that's a good question. I think they're genuine tools. I think yes teaches under selling them because no one ever achieves perfect patients right so I think those are the habits. The practices that you can really start building and I like to call patients a character strength or virtue rather than personality trade because I really think it is something that you can create as a habit in your life and the habits is finding little rewarding things that will help you. Keep doing that habit and I think with something like patients right. Finding those treats of you know what I was patient today. Let me do my ten minutes video games. 'cause that's fun like it's okay to you don't have to knuckle down and achieve in one fell swoop that it's small habits over and over again in a particular context and we're all a home right now and that's the context we always are in so now is a great time to release. Start DEVELOPING THOSE HABITS. Maybe creating little spaces within your home of okay. Here's where I can go and meditate and practice this thing and when you go sit in that particular spot it can help you to activate those good habits. The Patients Jim. So you talking about impulsivity came to mind for me. You talk about it impulsively. Kind of being one of the opposites of patients and the marshmallow test came to mind to me for me so kate. You're smiling just for people who are unfamiliar with this. I think it was Stanford or I don't know where it was. But they did this test where they had brought a little kids. This is a test. I would have failed as a kid and I would fail right now. They said you can have this marshmallow right now. And then you're done or you can sit here patiently and we'll give you two and the kids. Those who waited for the second marshmallow. There were correlations as I understand it. In terms of life outcomes that were pretty powerful. So I'm curious if this lands in any way for you and then I also want to use that as a way to get to eating because I think this is something we do when we're feeling impatient. I'll jump embarrassed kate. You probably have some thoughts as well right. The marshmallow test is really honing in that very specific ability to delay gratification. Which yes we know is quite important. I think is an ingredient to help with patience. I think patience is a little bit different than that marshmallow test. Because there's a lot of choice agency there that we don't always find in especially on certain waiting situations or situations of long-term suffering right so I'm like what is the second marshmallow. I'm waiting for like there's I'm stop. We're stuck here. There might not be a magical cure that if you just do the right things and do the perfect diet and do the perfect exercises. You still might have this bad thing that you have to deal with. And so that's where I think. Delay of gratification can be really helpful for patients because we do often have quite a few choices and agency but sometimes we have to figure out what to do when we are up against this hard limit or against the thing that isn't going to change and that's where I think having the skills of patients of having a bigger purpose of why the suffering matters of able to find ways to make sense of that difficult thing and then regularly around it are really important. What do you think kate? Yeah I don't know that I have a ton to add but it is sort of an interesting take on patients to think of it as sort of one piece of self regulation or self control which is really what we're talking about with the Walter. Michelle stuff about marshmallows. It does again going back to why I called Some of these coping strategies cheats earlier. And I what I was thinking when I said that was that. If patients is kind of a a muscle you can develop essentially to some extent which you know. Of course you do through practice but navy becomes a bit more automatic that I I guess that makes it sound like self control in that you can develop it and then again coming back to my comment about sheets. I what I was thinking is like some of the strategies I study. It would work even if you're you know a ninety pound weekly. It doesn't really matter like you can do it either way. Even if what those. Become our habits patient people so not of direct answer but just some additional thoughts there. So you're saying if I hear you an I noticed this comma. Come up in some of the research that our producer. Samuel sent me that it's possible in some ways to fake patients. Yeah I think so I mean you know again it sort of depends how you define patients really like deep down like something that is inside us or is it a behavior that we do and that's often really hard to disentangle with psychological stuff. But I guess when I think of patients in the virtue language it does feel like something that we have a little bit of inside of us can build. Sarah has said whereas I think you can fake being patient. Pretty well to yourself when it comes to things like flow like you just made our go by fast. It's not that you handled the hour. Well let's just you made it fly by playing video game. You know that feels like a cheat to me. It's not like real patients that'll pay off later. It's just you got through this bad our this day but I would say. Meditation is in a different category for me because you are leaning in to the the feeling I mean. It's a hard thing to do. You're leaning into the discomfort. The restlessness the uncertainty. There's an art to it because you don't want to overwhelm yourself either. Especially if you've have some trauma and your background in this is by many definitions collective trauma that we're in right now so there's some delicacy that is called for but in general we are sort of the theory of the only way out is through. Is the meditation world's sort of rallying cry here and you know that doesn't strike me as a cheat that strikes me as like to embrace this thing and the the benefit is that over time. I'll be less controlled by the restlessness etcetera etcetera. Say to you know I was talking about earlier. The wait plan to patients the awareness. I think the cheats is you. Try to just deny that there was ever the the negative emotion. I think some people just go straight to the video games and try to pretend there aren't upset at all and just kind of dove around it so I think sometimes okay to use those flow but I completely agree.

Flo Kate impulsivity depressive symptoms Katie Joseph Goldstein US China Michelle Samuel Stanford producer Sarah