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Aired Last week 15:02
E267 Is This Cheating?
This is fifteen minutes of freedom. I'm your host Ryan idell. And today's episode is is this cheating. So before I jump into today's episode were trying out some new technology. So if you're watching this live on Facebook or on Instagram bear with us as we've not done this before. But that's what the New Year's four right expanding new capacity. So every episode from here on out we're gonna live stream on Facebook and Instagram and then you can catch a replay. If you will the podcasts at self on tune, Stitcher soundcloud, anywhere where you consume content from. So today's episode is listen to requested I E mail from someone just before this episode was about to take place in which they asked what I thought cheating was now, let me let me phrase this up the right way. This Email comes in. And it's a woman who I don't know doesn't really describe too much about her. But what she sharing with me that she has had a relationship with another man now salacious that might sound. I to right. I used to be a cheater I own it. I can't run from. It's my past. It's made. It makes me who I am. But does not define who. I am today is a man. So she sharing with me that she had a consistent conversational relationship with another man through social media. Now, she goes on to say that she hasn't actually shared her contact information this individual, she shares that she has an exchange pictures with him, but that she feels conflicted like is this cheating, and should she tell her partner? Now, it's tough Reich is how much of this is the shame and guilt that we all carry around that were holding into our soul that when we say it out loud to someone else at it disseminates through the universe. Right. We no longer holding on. I think some of it right for me personally when I look at the infidelities I've had in my past. And there have been ample ride. I if you're new to the show from the time, I was really twenty twenty one all the way till thirty one. I don't remember many times where I had a truly faithful monogamous relationship. Nice that I wasn't necessarily the man that was out trying to sleep with every woman. But what I was doing was not communicating what I needed and not communicating what I wasn't getting and then back feeling with other relationships. So when I hear this young lady sharing with me that she's confused. Confusing. What to do should you tell her partner? I mean, what would you do in this situation? Would you tell your partner if you've been having conversations with the opposite sex through a social media platform, and in this platform, one thing leads to another new realize conversation, take some turn to you're not proud of. Do you tell you see she went on to tell me that she's blocked this individual? And she's really looking for guidance that she likes the conversations at Linden. I have my wife as pertains to relationships, and she was looking for some feedback. So here's my feedback. You already know the answer. You didn't reach out to me because you were looking for a stamp of approval or disapproval you're looking for someone to back up what you already thought to be right? I know this answer because you've already addressed it. But typically out ask you, why did you seek attention from another man to me it happens always for one of two different reasons. The first reason being the fact that you're not getting enough attention at home. That the man that you are currently spending time with your boyfriend, your partner, fiance, whatever they are. They're not actually doing what they need to do to satisfy your needs. Non must then ask the question. Are you communicating? What is required for you to be happy to your partner? And I don't mean once in a while I'm saying consistently, especially as a female to us mails. I own it were slow learners. Right. I am hard headed. I am stubborn. I get focused on what's important to me in the moment. And I miss out on the genius. That happens all around me all the time. But let's say it's not that. But so you have communicate, and it's just not there, and you seek attention adulation from another man, and whether it becomes physical or not oftentimes emotional response on a motion event letting a man have access or a woman if your man have access to your psyche to make can be almost as damaging if not even more. So sometimes. So I would ask you then where did this all start from? You can say it started. Because my boyfriend didn't do x y and z. I get it that used to be the story. I would run that was what I would tell people. I would challenge you to think he goes a little bit deeper than that where some of the first times in your life. You remember not addressing what you actually needed? Most likely it comes down to the fact that one of your parents, you saw their love and attention more than the other. That does not mean that you loved one more than other. That means you simply were seeking their validation more and through validation, there'd be love. And when you didn't get it. You had to act out of a way that kept you safe because you didn't want to be vulnerable. Because vulnerability is scary and scary equals death and not in that global sense that you're dying and buried six feet deep. But in the fact that you feel dead inside. Because when you're scared we retreat, so we do everything we can to not have to feel that feeling. Well, the best way for most of us do that ends up being a shift in perspective. It's easy for us. If we're seeking out our parents love one of the two, and we're not getting it to then mimic what they're doing her. What we perceive them to be doing later on our dot lives without ever going back and RIA dressing what originally happened. You see I know on my side. Let me put some skin around. This example, I know on my side as much as I love my parents as much as I honor what they provided for me opposite number one being life. I realize the fact that I was learning from them without consciously being aware of learning. So. From my father's response to triggering events in his life, which was either somewhat of an alcohol level now that he was alcohol, but it was drinking on the weekends. Whether it was him being grumpy or aggressive, or whatever the things are. Right. That that what he did? It built something inside of me that I was adversely prepared to handle what I will call conflict conversations. Super fancy way of saying that as I was weakened character and moral. So when I would step out. I knew the relationship that I was in was not healthy. It was not serving me. I knew that to be true. What I wasn't able to do is sit down with my partner in our tickly consistently. What I actually needed in a way that they could hear me. And even if let's say, for instance, I did actually believe that. I did that. Then I realized I wasn't supposed to be with this partner. I lacked what it took to sit down face to face and say, this isn't going to work. We're done. I'm sorry to hurt your feelings. But I need something more. And I'm almost releasing you to go get what you want from somebody else because I have to go through the same. Instead, I would run from that conflict. I would make myself out to be the bad guy. I was waiting for a partner to break up with me because then I could say like that they dumped me. That really is triggering deeper internal feedback loop inside of me that I was never going to be good enough. And things were always my fault. It's crazy like all these stories build into my psyche to young age that I never was able to really work through until I was forced to work through them. Thank God for my wife. I mean, she sat me down one day and shirt, very openly. I am just capable of more than I'm currently doing. I'm better quality individual than I am for the actions that I take up to that point. And so I can't say from my current perspective that once a cheater always cheater because I personally don't believe that. I don't believe that. Because that's not been my life story. Right. If you look at me and took me at face value during my twenties. Absolutely. Once a cheater I was always going to be a cheater. But something changed with my wife. She saw something in me that I didn't see in myself. And so now, I love honor trust respect her and would never do something to jeopardize that. But I sure that in such a way because to this lovely young lady adult woman, whoever it is to the person that message me directly that sent me an Email to Ryan at GS media group looking for more insight. I feel like you you yourself a conversation with this, man. The man you're dating menu living with engage with whatever level of relationship. You've achieved. You always sit down to be real with him about you. Not about what he needs to do for you. Right. This eventually gets some of the coaching practices that I believe in which is wishing that emotional hierarchy most of us put God first and then religions or put other second than put ourselves third. I believe it so imperative actually put ourselves first and through serving ourselves, I we can serve God and serve others. She have to be honest with yourself for just a moment. Even if in the quietness of your own mind. What are you really searching for? What really makes you happy. If the man you were dating you've been with for a long period of time more than a few months, and you've said to him in your mind repeatedly what you need and he offers to and small windows, but then eventually retreats back to his old habits. I understand that. But quit trying to make him into something. He's not going to be. Men will rise the level in which they are required to rise to and if you're worth the catch to them, not you're not worthy. But if you are worth the catch to them, they will rise the level that dress to rise. If for some reason, you're not worthy in there is not devaluing. You. The never gonna rise. It'd be momentary lifts only to create a shift in a drift back down to how they normally operate. And how that normal operation is considered as what drove you to the fact that you didn't stay faithful. Because yes, having inappropriate conversations over a long period of time to me on social media is cheating. Telling your partner is away to release shame and guilt because you feel bad. And when you say that hourly to somebody else transfers it to them. That's my opinion. However, that's that's like putting a bandaid on an amputation expecting to get better. There's a reason deeper in which that happened until you solve that base level reason it's going to continue to come back up. So fix it. Court running from the hard truth. Which is what most of us do. Right. I'm guilty of it. I would bet you're guilty of it. If you're honest with yourself. Wherein life. Are you running from the hard truth the hard truth of this woman's life as she is unfulfilled? Currently there are pieces of her relationship that are not firing on all cylinders, and she's either running from the truth that she needs to have tough conversation saying what she wants or she's running from the tough conversation that she knows this man's not capable of giving her what she wants. And she's yearning for more. So near in your relationship. You personally is that where you're running from the hard truth. Maybe it's in your body. Right. Like, there's a story especially this time of year being the first part of January that we're all going to get in shape. I love it. I want all of us to be as healthy as we can possibly be. But there's some of us that run the story that say our genetics our history. Our injuries are food allergies. There's all these things that make it. So we can't be as healthy and fit as we want to. I think you're running from the truth. More than likely the facts of your life are the you just simply don't wanna put in the work for long enough. See the results it's not comfortable to drink. Gallons of water a day. It's not easy to go out and avoid what other people do to feed themselves. Right. Have you ever thought about the fact we're really the only beings the only creature that eat literally out of just enjoyment not out of necessity. I think as you're driving down the road next time, you're driving to the office tomorrow morning. Then look at all the fast food opportunities. Look at all the changes there either look at all all the waste of food in your body. And how many of those are viewed at his fuel? Versus enjoyment? It's crazy star putting fuel in your body, not junked, but maybe the hard truth, you're running from as so many of us have before is what you're doing to fill yourself inside a business. The heart truth that I used to run from was the fact that I needed to make a bunch of money to be happy. Not at all saying the money doesn't make you happy money provides options and options equate to happiness for me. What I'm saying? So in my life, particularly I decided to do what actually makes me happy everyday and the money would follow when it was supposed to follow. And this podcast. Fifteen minutes of freedom. The coaching practice that I have the mentorship. The groups the things that I have whether there's no dollars or hundreds of thousands of dollars associated with them those bring me fulfillment. Enjoy. Where are you running from? What actually brings you? Fulfillment. Enjoy and coming up with a BS excuses to why you can't go out and do it. What I know is when you start to get real with the facts of your life new start to really look at. The cold hard truth, and you take action accordance to what sets your soul on fire everyday there after you're able to get shit done.
15 Minutes to Freedom: A Warrior’s Daily Focus on Journals and Meditations
Aired 2 months ago 2:57
Hi, this is Mark news for plan. Talk radio. Thanks for subscribing and listening to our plan to the week podcast. Brought to you by bodied products family made in America, visit by dot com to find a retailer near you each week plant talkradio's Fred how're focuses on the plant. That would be a great addition to your landscape now for this week's Bonn, I products plant of the week. Fred your plan to the week the plan of the week is which as well. Now, it's not a new plant of the week. I probably have used at the last three years. But I I'm still let's just say spellbound on coming to the point of frost, usually it precedes or comes right at my birthday on the tenth. It didn't show much flour until the beginning of last week. And now it's about half full bloom. It's yellow in foliage, it's yellow in flower color, and it happens to stand between me and a spruce tree. So that yellow and that spruce behind it really make that plant outstanding it by and large. It's the last full blooming plant of the season. Now, which Hazel, I'm gonna just say is two kinds. We'll not get into the study of them. But there's the one that I have which blooms in the fall. And right at my birthday time. Most often it is yellow, but there are new varieties of it too. Then it's cousins, and they are multiples are plants that bloom in February or thereabouts. I happen to have one of those. Also, I'm playing games with it. I'm making it grow up against a fence in a shady spot in the backyard just to see if I can do it. And so far I have to be very careful only in that. I'm not out in the backyard. When it blooms I have to know about when it's going to happen and being normally sixty seventy feet from it. I don't see it. But at the same time, which as oil is a plant coming on strong as small trees, go wonderful for shade, Ohio. Native handles our soil's for most part euros in full sun as well as shade. So which as will keep your eye open in the marketplace for new cultivars? When you have a need for a small tree oil. Let's just say under fifteen twenty feet and blooming it odd times. And and then good-looking fall color mostly yellow to a burnt orange. Thanks again. For listening to our podcast. Brought to you by products at Bonn dot com. Plan. Talk radio offers other podcasts as well. Including our daily your gardening question podcast and our weekly plan. Talk radio all available on I tunes or your preferred podcast player. If you have a plant suggestion for Fred semi Fred at plant, talk radio dot com.
Plant Of The Week
Aired 3 months ago 4:09
Hydrangea overgrown but no flowers
Hi, this is Mark news from plant talk radio, thanks for subscribing and listening to our podcast. Your gardening questions from plan, talk radio. If you have a gardening question, you'd like our host, Fred, how're to answer, send him an Email. The address is Fred at plant, talk radio dot com. Now today's question, let's go to the phone lines and standing by is Maxine at one eight, six, six plant, talk and Maxine. Thanks for calling this morning. Thank you for taking my call. I wanna know about to rain, not geraniums hydrant juice. Moisten. You can give me as far as when when you cut him back. And I've had this one for poop up six years. And each year we keeps getting taller, but I don't get blooms on it that the only just beautiful, but there's no booms. Now this year I got two nice brooms clear at the base of it, and they will bloom pretty then at the beginning of the summer, and then they turn kind of paint. Now at the end of the summer, I've got about twelve to fifteen blooms coming on the top of the hydrangea and it's gotten to be about six feet high. The whole Bush. Is this is this in a kind of a shady area isn't full sad, bowl, son. And one other question when the plant during the summertime does the, the plant tend to Welt in the afternoon. Yeah, it does. Sometimes it needs water, right? I, I'm guessing that it's like an endless summer. That's a variety that's been around for a number of years. Initially was introduced as an ever blooming a hydrangea, and then they kinda changed that to re blooming. It actually blooms off of new and old growth. So the two flowers that you got early in the season were probably on the old growth of the plant and all the flowers. Your see and right now or off the new growth. Great plan normally would like a little bit of shade in the afternoon by if it's doing well, and you've had it in there for a few years. You know, I wouldn't wouldn't change a thing as far as proof. Winning goes, you know, we've kind of been around the mountain on on what to do. Of course, they told us initially to cut a MAC, you know, in the fall or early winter, just like you would a perennial, then they said, well, no, wait till spring and just trim the dead out. In your case, it sounds like the plants getting pretty big and you want to make it a little bit smaller. I would. I would probably go ahead and cut it back sometime this this winter. You know before it wakes up in the spring and that that will mean that your flowers are probably not gonna come on until late in the season when it gets some new growth on. Hey, thanks again for listening to our podcast, be sure to subscribe to our other podcasts as well. The plan of the week podcast and the plan talk radio podcast. All on I tunes or your favorite podcast player if you'd like to sponsor a daily podcast contact us at Fred at plant, talk radio dot com to find out more about Fred Howard and plan. Talk radio visit our website plant, talk radio dot com. Circle to seventy media dot com.
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