36 Burst results for "Emily"
Fresh update on "emily" discussed on Bloomberg Businessweek
"While The White House says a bill to stop a potential railway strike needs to be on the president's desk by the weekend. The house today voted to approve a measure to block a strike. Lawmakers also approved a separate bill to mandate paid sick time for rail workers, although it's uncertain if that will pass the Senate. Congressman Hakeem Jeffries has been unanimously elected leader of House Democrats, Bloomberg government Emily Wilkins has more on that significance. Today with this election, he is the first black member to represent to leave one of the major parties in Congress. So certainly it is a historic day. Bloomberg government similarly Wilkins. France's president Emmanuel Macron is now in the U.S. for the first White House state visit in more than three years. He comes here with a bone to pick with the U.S., Bloomberg, Washington correspondent Anne Marie horde says it has to do with the inflation reduction act, which Macron views as protectionists. Macron has called it unfriendly policies about the inflation reduction act and the subsidies. This would be for U.S. companies and his finance minister Bruno le maire went even further equating it to what China does. So this was, this is clearly going to be brought up. Bloomberg examiner, hors d'oeuvre tomorrow, the bidens will host a state dinner for the Macron's. Fleetwood Mac's Christine McVie has died at the age of 79. Her family gave no cause of death. At
Unredacted Emails Show Scientist Doubt Over Origins of COVID
"Through a freedom of information lawsuit guardian reporter Jimmy Tobias obtained newly unredacted emails detailing both the February 1st 2020 teleconference between doctor Anthony Fauci director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and virologists discussing the SARS CoV-2 virus as well as correspondence pertaining to COVID-19's possible origins After a long foia fight he tweets out I just received a bunch of new unredacted emails detailing his teleconference Emily cop a reporter with the nonprofit investigative research group U.S. right to know has incorporated these findings into an extensive and detailed timeline concerning the proximal origin of SARS CoV-2 She noted that in February 2020 when the aforementioned teleconference took place Several top virologists sought to examine the nature of the coronavirus that would go on to kill tens of millions of people worldwide Although the ultimately concluded in the journal nature medicine at the virus had not been engineered stating quote we do not believe that any type of laboratory based scenario is plausible behind the scenes it was a great deal of doubt Many of the scientists who were attempting to account for the origin of the Führer cleavage site on the virus's spike protein responsible for its relatively high infectivity were confronted with the strong possibility of human intervention U.S. rights in a reported that in January 2020 Danish evolutionary biologists and Scripps research institute immunology professor Christian G Anderson raised the matter of a gain of function study that looked like a how to manual for building the Wuhan coronavirus in a laboratory
Abortion clinic that opened days after Roe fell is inundated
"A new Planned Parenthood clinic in Kansas finds it as overwhelmed with demand from other states Just four days before a Kansas City Kansas abortion clinic opened its doors this past June the Supreme Court overturned roe versus wade The facility was planned as a place for women to get healthcare in a medically underserved working class neighborhood but now the clinic has been inundated with patients from other states that have restricted abortion like Missouri Arkansas Oklahoma Texas and Louisiana The three Planned Parenthood centers in Kansas say they are only able to take about ten to 15% of the patients seeking abortions Those turned away are advised to take appointments in Colorado or New Mexico if they can get one It can take two weeks to get an appointment for a day after pill thousands of patients likely aren't getting appointments at all Few predicted Kansas would take on this role although in August voters rejected an amendment that would have cleared the way for tougher restrictions Emily Wales the president of Planned Parenthood great plains says the ecosystem is not even fragile it's broken I'm Jennifer King
Why Are We Affirming Gender Confusion? Dr. Emily Has an Idea
"With Emily. She is a medical professional. She has been a doctor working in the industry for 20 years. She has dealt with a lot of transgender patients. Can I ask you the complete idiots question as a non medical professional just a PhD in political science Emily? We do not affirm any other psychological issue. If you come in to a medical professional a psychiatrist or a psychologist and you say, I have, I think I'm fat and you weigh 70 pounds or I think I'm Napoleon or anything else that is psychological or psychiatric. We don't affirm that condition. Why are we affirming why are we affirming somebody who says I'm not a boy I'm a girl? That's a great question, Sebastian and the only answer I've come to is that it's a huge industry. It's a two over $2 billion industry and it's projected to increase to over 5 billion by 2030. So usually if something doesn't make sense, you always ask yourself to follow the money.
Audit hits N. Dakota on vaccine handling; agency disputes it
"A state audit finds issues with vaccine handling in North Dakota Who heads virus response for North Dakota's Department of Health is disputing an audit released Tuesday The auditor's office says the department gave patients nearly 2000 doses of Moderna's coronavirus vaccine that had been stored at incorrect temperatures and nearly 13,000 doses of Pfizer vaccine with missing temperature data There is redundancy in the system problems with documentation were being corrected and that no non viable vaccines were given an auditor spokeswoman Emily Dahl says they aren't recommending revaccination they're simply reporting what they found I'm Jennifer King
Bill O'Reilly Calls in to Discuss His New Book 'Killing the Legends'
"With us right now is the legendary Bill O'Reilly who has a new book called killing the legends, Bill, welcome back to the program. Thanks, Emily and Charlie, what's up? Doing great. Congratulations on the new book. I feel like you have won every 6 months. It's pretty amazing. Tell us about this new one killing the legends. Yes, the subtitle is most important. The lethal danger of celebrity. And now that you are a celebrity, you need to read this book, Charlie. So every famous person in this country has a target on him or her. And the more famous you get, the bigger the target becomes. Now I wrote about Elvis Presley John Lennon, Muhammad Ali, they are the cover boys for killing the legends. Because each of those men change American culture. So American cultural history is not widely written about because most historians are snobs. But if you look at what Presley Lennon and Ali actually did, their contributions to our history are enormous, yet under reported. However, in the process of doing what they did, they all destroyed themselves.
Brad Pitt Is Dating Emily Ratajkowski
"Speaking of great bodies, you know, I posted the story. I put this on the podcast days ago. Actually, two weeks ago, I said, Brad Pitt is dating Emily radical ski. It came and went because there was no proof that I was right. Now it's being written up in every newspaper and website that they're dating. They keep it at low key because, you know, she's just come out of a bad marriage and Brad's coming out of his hell hole with Angelina, but I had it two weeks ago. And I said, yeah, all right, they're together. He's gorgeous. She's hot. It's going to be a great relationship. But people are like, they don't want to, they don't all have to talk about this. They don't know what to say about this. Well, I don't know, you know, Brad quietly dated the last couple of years. He worries about Angelina. It's going to be bad mouth them to their kids and, you know, more than she already has. If she has a serious girlfriend, it's going to get really bad and Emily's coming out of the marriage and she can still get in trouble with what she no. It's not that way at all. I mean, first of all, if these two are going to be more serious, they're going to have to wait because Brad's got some messy bullshit with Angelina. You know, they got a way to walk. I mean, he's still fighting with her over custody of four of the 6 children. If I was him, I'd take one. I would take Shiloh, that's it. The rest of them, the adopted ones, get go. Go to your mother, go to Angelina. I don't want the adopted kids, especially packs, can't stand that little prick kid.
Steve Bannon: 'They're Gonna Have to Kill Me to Stop Me'
"Is clear. This is all part and parcel of criminalizing conservatives in the speech in Philadelphia is the nadir or the crossing of the Yoruba con in that criminalization. But the idea that Steve Bannon, who's if there was one issue outside of the navy, perhaps if there's one issue that was closest to your heart in the last 6 years, it was building the wall that somehow you would build Americans out of money to build the wall. We've never had a donut. What we did in LPs. People want to see what we did their videos up and watch the movie saraka. Sicario. Sicario. Sicario is a story seen with Emily bloom. It's a story of El Paso, Texas, and Juarez. That's when we built the first wall straight up that multi cartels trafficked all the people. Look, I am so proud of the work we did and we're building one. Quite frankly, the ironies today is that mayor Adams has a team at the border today to find out what the causes are because he's made New York a sanctuary city. We literally have thousands of these unauthorized aliens coming into the country by 4.9 million. He's taken them when Abbas are busting up there, but now they're all going to New York. He's putting up in hotels in New York, social services are going to collapse. So Adam was actually sent a delegation to the, to the board of the day. He should have gone to the wall, or he should have, as you remember, Seth, we took it all over the country, saying every weekend of the phrase, every town's a boulder town, every space of border state, we went to Detroit. We went to Cincinnati. We went to Arizona. We started telling people we did conferences at the wall of the town of what were we telling them that this situation unless we finish the wall is going to get out of control and in 2022, it's so out of control that even Eric Adams on the day I get hold into a court is Senate delegation down there to find out what's going on. Look, I'm never going to stop. They're going to have to kill me to stop me, okay?
Darin Hoover Reflects on the Anniversary of the Fall of Afghanistan
"It has been just over a year. Since the disgraceful withdrawal from Bagram from Afghanistan, it's been a year and a week. Since 13 of our servicemen and women were murdered by ISIS, and this administration that is responsible for those deaths had this to say about that anniversary play cut. Let me start with this. Many of us here at the department and across the government and millions of Americans in Afghanistan are mindful of today's meaning as the 20 yearlong U.S. Military mission in Afghanistan ended nearly one year ago. Ending the longest war in American history was never going to be easy. But one year later, we are in a stronger position as a country because of the president's decision. Better able to focus on the threats and challenges, but also the opportunities of today. Opportunities challenges, better positioned. It's all fabulous. I know 13 families that would beg to differ and we are honored to have with us the father of one of those who was lost staff sergeant Taylor, Hoover, welcome, mister Darren Hoover, to America first. Thank you, Sebastian, I appreciate it. So I know you can't easily share in words what the last year has been like. But will you just talk to us? Have the 13 families come together or have you mourn separately? Is there a community of the 13 lost service men and women in the last year? Yeah. We've got a Facebook messenger group that is just the parents, we're able to connect that way, we do keep in touch for the most part with everybody. It's been a rough year when we had to lean on each other and lean on the gold star families and having the support and love from literally across this world has been nothing short of amazing.
Emily Jashinsky's One-Woman War Against TikTok
"Back with the culture beat portfolio holder. I like that. At the federalist, the dot com, she's Emily yoshiyuki. I'm gonna have to challenge her now. I'm watching a clip of his on her Twitter feed. Where you have glasses on. Is this fake news? Is this what you do on television? Do you put you put on those fake Charlie trappin and glasses? Because you're not wearing them right now. Are you Emily? No, I need them to read a teleprompter. So anytime I have three to tell, I'm nearsighted. So anytime I have three dollars. All right, so she's reading a teleprompter. Now we know these are the hard questions. These are the hard penetrating questions we ask here on America first. All right, let's talk about the reason we actually got you on the show. It's this piece you did for the federalist. Your single woman war, you are waging against TikTok, which is absolutely superb. Why is this such a problem? And tell our list is across the nation. What is TikTok's elections center Emily? It's unbelievable how under the radar the election senator election center is flying right now because TikTok a lot of people know is owned by a very powerful, very, very big Chinese company named ByteDance, which also owns and operates the Chinese version of TikTok. Well, they've been trying really hard to prove to American consumers that our data is going through Oracle. They've partnered with Oracle throughout all American data into the cloud and make sure that Oracle audits the algorithms so that this app, which is basically the most popular app in the country that an average teenager spends hours a day on is being sort of controlled by the Chinese Communist Party. But of course, by Chinese law, any time the Chinese Communist Party would come to ByteDance and ask for the data, they would have to give up access to it. There are a number of people a new Forbes report showed there are plenty of people that work at ByteDance on TikTok. They have TikTok in their portfolio who are currently or formerly have worked for state media in China. Our own Justice Department found that there were some a 130 members of the Chinese Communist Party working for ByteDance in 2020. And so this massively powerful network that our teenagers are spending hours of time on, it could well be tweaked by the CCP players of the long game in the CCP to get us very addicted because it's a very addictive product
The Federalist's Emily Jashinsky on Shifts in Media Culture
"Think that any of this is going to change? I mean, Brian stelter is now flipping burgers somewhere. Cuomo is declared himself a free agent on social media despite the fact that nobody actually wants to hire him. Have you seen any trend any signals since you have the culture beat of the federalists that media culture is waking up or is it just the most woke of the woke are losing, but the institutions like CNN are still going to go down with the ship? The business model here is really an interesting aspect of that conversation because on the surface you do see some moves like at CNN, the new guy there, Chris licht, who took over for Jack Zucker, wants to make CNN the sort of global neutral brand again that's doing serious hard hitting foreign reporting. That's why stelter's out the window. That's why I didn't do it doesn't do Twitter doesn't really believe in Twitter for journalists and is trying to make all of these moves to reign in the coverage to tell his anchors to stop using the big lie, but it's not working. And the dynamic is so interesting because I think there are some older, more sober voices who lived through the old media period and have seen the transition and are horrified by it, but it's kind of too late because they've let it in the door. And they've let it in the door at a time when our media ecosystem is totally splintering. So The Old Guard is less powerful than it ever has been and people can cluster in these niches. The wine moms can watch Don lemon and lap it up and Stephen Colbert, but you know, you used to have Johnny Carson's writers sitting in Manhattan every night thinking, what is going to make America laugh? And that's why he was number one. And he was
Biden Unleashes a 'Nonsensical Word Salad' and Gets Called Out
"Emily yasinsky. Emily, welcome back to America first. Thanks so much for having me, stab. Just don't call me sir like you did in the break because then I'm going to terminate this interview very, very rapidly. Emily. I learned that lesson the hard way. Okay, good. Let's have some fun. Let's talk about why don't seem to be such a positive real American media. This popped up on my social media feed yesterday and he's from Australia and my producer mister G when I sent it to him, he said, how come I've never seen a Montage like this on Fox News? This is Sky News Australia cut ten play cut. This week the world got a frightening inside into what happens when you unleash the president without notes and auto cue or someone screaming instructions in his ear. You get this nonsensical word salad. Tell me how you do that. I understand it. It's clear in space. You're accurate. But how and making the case of the freedom Manhattan, what do you do to other than to sort of embarrass men and getting into the end of the argument and voting the right way? On this issue. Okay, we also saw president Joe Biden and deliver this rousing and totally coherent message to rally the troops for the midterms. If we elect two more senators, we keep the Democrats. We're going to get a lot of unfinished business. We're going to get done. Just in case you missed that, he said if we elect two more senators, we keep the house and Democrats. We're going to get a lot of unfinished business. We're going to get done, okay? Why do we have to wait for Australians to give us great little packages like that, Emily? Yeah, and they spared no mercy. I mean, it's unbelievable. And that's what journalists exist do to hold powerful people to account. And so it is rather sad that our own media, which could fill up prime time every single day basically on a daily basis with the nonsensical things that Joe Biden has said. And they probably should, by the way, because he's the leader of the free world. He's the leader of our country at the very least you'd think this would matter to voters, but we see very, very little of it.
A Justice Denied
"Speaking of which, this segues nicely into what we were going to bring up at the start of the show and then I segued with the music conversation. I was very impacted today, listening to Dennis a show. I try to catch as much of your show as I can every day. And in the second hour, you interviewed an inmate in a federal prison who was a January 6th rioter. What was his name, John? John Emily. Those of you who did not hear it, I can not encourage you enough to go back to it and listen. It was one of the most devastating things I've ever heard in my life seriously. True. This individual, first of all, you even remarked this on the air, he really does seem like a good natured person because he kept deflecting the attention away. His own suffering. And talking about that woman who is, of course, whose name. Now I'm the one who's bad at the name. Well, yeah. I can't remember. There was a new name to me too. Rebecca. One of the women who were killed and January 6. On January 6th, beaten to death by the police officers there. He kept deflecting the attention away from himself onto that woman.
Mississippi residents prepare for possible river flooding
"Some Mississippi residents are preparing for a possible ripper flooding and coming days I Norman hall two years out of the pearl river overflowed its banks officials in Jackson Mississippi or warning that it is once again a threat Hydrologists predicted will crest just shorter the levels from 2020 mayor chuck huyler momba is warned residents in low lying areas to evacuate Renter Emily Davis a medical student was given a heads up by her landlord She's just gonna be in proactive to make sure we get everything out so there's no furniture damage or anything Storms dumped torrential rainfall in Mississippi and other parts of the Deep South earlier in the week sending rivers out of their banks I Norman hall
NY Post: Hunter Biden Laptop Repairman Says FBI Agent Threatened Him
"This is just breaking Literally just breaking New York Post Hunter Biden laptop repairman John Paul macisaac Says the Federal Bureau of Investigation an FBI agent threatened him to hush up This is by Miranda divine boy she good And Emily crane the computer repair shop owner who blew the whistle on Hunter Biden's infamous laptop claims in a new book that an FBI said in a new book that an FBI agent threatened him to stay silent John Paul Mack Isaac said two federal agents came to his Mac shop in Wilmington Delaware in December 2019 to recoup the laptop following a subpoena He details in his new book American injustice my battle to expose the truth Now let's just stop a second What damn businesses of the FBI is to get Hunter Biden's laptop back mister producer Why are they getting and getting the laptop for a hundred Biden And why are they getting the diary for Biden's daughter If it doesn't affect Joe Biden in any kind of a federal criminal way why is the top federal criminal law enforcement agency involved securing the laptop or that diary
Will We Ever Get Justice for Enduring the Lockdowns?
"Ramona from North Carolina, Charlie, are we ever going to get justice? For what they did during the lockdowns. She has some pretty, let's say aggressive four letter words in there, some swear words. So I'm not going to continue that. So I'm just going to summarize her question like that. There's a new story out that pairs nicely with Ramona's question. Remote learning according to freebie dot com had an even worse effect on U.S. students education than was previously known. K through 12 students who attended school from home in the 2021 school year lost 50% of their typical math curriculum learning, according to a Harvard study. Quote Emily oster from Brown university said it's pretty clear that remote school was not good for learning. Oh, who would have possibly been able to predict this? Anthony Fauci and all these people, Deborah birx, the scarf woman, did so much damage to our country. Children are at a low risk of severe illness of death from COVID-19 in school transmissions is also extremely rare. Quote, in places where schools reopened that summer and fall, the spread of COVID was not noticeably worse than in places where schools remain closed. Schools also reopen in parts of Europe without seeming to spark outbreaks. This is intergenerational abuse. While grandparents were able to still go, golf outside and see their property values increase their grandkids had masks on being abused in schools. Now, I'm not blaming the grandparents. I'm not. But there were plenty of people that recept the generis and octogenarians that were perfectly fine with locking down the country. While their kids and their grandkids and grandkids in particular have been totally and completely and permanently damaged by the lockdown agenda.
Kayleigh McEnany, Emily Compagno React to Leftists Targeting Justices
"Let's listen to Kayleigh McEnany and Emily yesterday on Fox News react to the news that leftist crazed, unhinged, vicious, radical, wildly radical activists are marching on the homes of the conservative justices of the Supreme Court. A very dangerous campaign of intimidation and harassment may now be about to unfold in the fight over roe V wade, as the radical left looks to target the conservative justices on the Supreme Court after the leak draft opinion on abortion. And while security fencing is put up around where they work, but not continuing on our southern border, there's that. Now we have just learned there's an increased police presence outside of the justices home. And here's why. Some left wing groups are actually directing protesters to show up at the doorsteps of 6 quote extremists justices. Even publishing the street names where they live with their families and now police are bracing for violence. Emily, it's two groups that are pushing people to go to the homes of Supreme Court Justices. One called Rus cinis, another called shutdown D.C.. They want to candlelight vigil. Join us to a march to justice Kavanaugh's and Robert's homes. Another one saying urging protesters to go to the homes of the 6 extremist justices. You can't make this up. No, and my issue with this, in addition to the publishing of their addresses, is that the amplification of that. And then the galvanizing of people to show up at their doors, right? You can protest all you want in those public places, but we all remember what happened to federal judge Esther Salas in 2020 when her son was shot dead on their doorstep because of a disgruntled
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"You can check that out as well. I probably recommend therapy to you all. At least once per episode, if not more. And I always hear myself saying, go to therapy, and it started to think, well, maybe you have some ideas around therapy or some judgments around it, or maybe you think it's just not for you and it's confusing to you what therapy even does, or maybe even want to try it there, but you're not sure how to get into it. Well, today's episode, I'm covering all of those things. You know, because therapy can be so helpful. It's life-changing helpful. It really is. I've been going to therapy for years as I've talked to you about and I actually asked my listeners be asked on Instagram and I just found this fascinating. You guys are brilliant. You really really would encapsulate how therapy has helped you. But I saw some common themes that I thought might be inspiring for you because they sure were for me. So some of the answers are learning compassion for yourself. That's a big one learning to go easy on yourself, how to cope with anxiety, a lot of you said that. I mean, remember, anxiety is not just some random thing right now, like every one's got anxiety now and then I feel like a lot of you have anxiety. In fact, so many people didn't have anxiety before the pandemic now have anxiety. So therapy, yes, it can absolutely help you cope with your anxiety. A lot of you said boundaries, setting boundaries with everyone in your life is a must and you learn that through therapy. This was another key takeaway that therapy allowed myself someone said here to actually feel emotions instead of seeing them as being too much. You know, we are not taught how to feel emotions by most of our caregivers. They're not expressing emotions, their parents in express emotions, and so a lot of us block them. We keep them inside, but Lauren say like, not only is it okay for me to express my emotions, but I'm not too much. It doesn't make me too much for others. In fact, I will find people in my life who will welcome my emotions. But first, we have to welcome them and feel our emotions ourselves. Someone else said medication is a tool it will not fix everything you have to put in the work. So yeah, therapy are going to see psychiatrists and therapy, medication is a huge part of dealing with a lot of things and anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, many things. But it's not just you have a pill, it definitely works stronger with talk therapy. How to feel my feelings. So not only do we learn that our feelings are okay to have, but how do we actually feel them? You know, I remember when I first went to therapy, I was 25 years old, and I remember a therapist said to me, where do you feel this in your body? I think she was asking me something. And I said, I'm just anxious. And I remember her saying to me, where do you feel that in your body? I wanted to run out of the room. And I don't think I went back to this therapist 'cause I was so confused by that question. That's the blocked version of Emily at 25 years old that did not know how to feel feelings. Like, what do you mean I feel that my body? I think my feelings. But remember, if you ever want to understand any of this is a great book called the body keeps the score that talks a lot about this, but basically it says our issues are in our tissues. So if you experience any trauma, you didn't learn how to express emotions. They are stuck in our body. So remember, there's lots of different modalities of therapy, but that one I wasn't ready for yet, but now a lot of my therapy is based around one of my feeling in my body because our body is constantly giving us information about what we're actually feeling and what's going on in the environment. So that's a really big one. Another one said understanding what my body and emotions are trying to tell me you guys get it, someone else said I learned, I lacked certain skills because they weren't taught to me. Join the club. Self love you learned. Another one said, we all have anxiety and some handle it better than others that is true. How important self care is, it's part of the self love path. I'm gonna love this a lot of you learn self compassion and self love. Mental health is just as important as being physically healthy. We have to do the work every day. So true, you could be going to the gym every day, you could be eating healthy. If you are.
The Tragic Plight of Black Millionaires
"That we have to address. There's a problem where I think we need a committee, probably a parade, a march, maybe even a riot. I think this problem is such a big deal. We met have to go burn down Wendy's. In fact, it's such a big problem. It might mandate the theft of televisions. It's such a big problem that soon I can start to see people change their profile picture on social media to no longer stand with Ukraine, but instead I stand with black millionaire donors. What? According to The Associated Press, they have a new story. America is so racist. We are so terrible that self made black millionaires, their victims of racism. Emily Haines from the chronicle of philanthropy for Associated Press writes an article here about millionaires of color. And the article is this, quote, how racism still affects millionaires, donors of color. Suppose you're out there that are not millionaires that are working your tail off just to be able to pay the bills, The Associated Press wants you to know, you're oppressing the millionaires. Okay? The millionaires that made it in America? They're oppressed. I could just see it right now. What do we stand for? Freedom against two. The middle class. Why? 'cause they're oppressing the millionaires. What? The Associated Press continues by saying that, quote, the finding of the study demonstrates ways that racism has affected the lives of millionaires of color. From the way they raise their families to the people and the causes they support. So it opens up with this ridiculous anecdote. Again, this is The Associated Press. This is not some sort of brown magazine. Brown university magazine article. This is The Associated Press. The story
Storm expected to glaze Pennsylvania, New England in ice
"Snow snow snow snow is is is is blanketing blanketing blanketing blanketing much much much much of of of of the the the the Ohio Ohio Ohio Ohio valley valley valley valley region region region region but but but but now now now now the the the the northeast northeast northeast northeast is is is is bracing bracing bracing bracing ice ice ice ice and and and and cold cold cold cold that that that that fierce fierce fierce fierce winter winter winter winter storm storm storm storm that that that that dumped dumped dumped dumped more more more more than than than than a a a a foot foot foot foot of of of of snow snow snow snow in in in in parts parts parts parts of of of of the the the the Midwest Midwest Midwest Midwest and and and and took took took took down down down down power power power power lines lines lines lines as as as as far far far far south south south south as as as as Texas Texas Texas Texas is is is is now now now now becoming becoming becoming becoming an an an an ice ice ice ice event event event event for for for for Pennsylvania Pennsylvania Pennsylvania Pennsylvania and and and and New New New New England England England England more more more more than than than than a a a a foot foot foot foot of of of of snow snow snow snow has has has has accumulated accumulated accumulated accumulated in in in in Rochester Rochester Rochester Rochester New New New New York York York York in in in in the the the the past past past past two two two two days days days days Emily Emily Emily Emily Steele Steele Steele Steele tells tells tells tells wham wham wham wham TV TV TV TV she she she she and and and and her her her her neighbors neighbors neighbors neighbors came came came came out out out out together together together together to to to to help help help help shovel shovel shovel shovel people people people people out out out out going going going going up up up up and and and and down down down down the the the the street street street street seeing seeing seeing seeing if if if if anyone anyone anyone anyone can can can can get get get out out out or or or not not not get get get out out out in in in shovel shovel shovel them them them out out out if if if they they they can't can't can't forecasters forecasters forecasters say say say even even even after after after the the the storm storm storm pushes pushes pushes out out out to to to sea sea sea ice ice ice and and and snow snow snow are are are expected expected expected to to to linger linger linger because because because of of of sub sub sub freezing freezing freezing temperatures temperatures temperatures this this this storm storm storm also also also spawned spawned spawned a a a tornado tornado tornado in in in western western western Alabama Alabama Alabama that that that left left left at at at least least least one one one person person person dead dead dead I'm I'm I'm Jackie Jackie Jackie Quinn Quinn Quinn
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"Not kidding. I know. You know? So the sex script is so dominated by this one behavior. We just go toward sex because it's pleasurable until it's not, right? Exactly. Because I think this happens in most relationships. I really do. I mean, after a while after the honeymoon phase is over. The honeymoon phase is amazing because, you know, a, we got a nice little neurochemical cocktail back in us up. And B, there's so much excitement just to not knowing somebody and wanting to learn about somebody, you know? It's all new. It's all exciting. It's all new, it's all exciting. So you know what I love Emily is that once I explain it in these terms, every couple I meet says, we want more of that. We want that. We're ready for that. We don't have it, how do we get it? That is the $1 million question. So I think complicated questions really have simple answers. You know, I really do believe that. So I think it's important to engage in what I call the cultivation of psychogenic stimulation. That's the clinical term. And I think that there's two ways of doing that. I think it can be face to face, and I think it can be side by side. And by face to face, you know what I mean by face to face, Emily, you watch too little kids or three little kids, 5 or 6 year olds playing in a playground. They're making something up. They have no props, except maybe a twig to be a gun or who knows what or jungle gym to be a castle. With nothing but their imaginations, they're actually creating worlds and characters that have power structures that if we play the same games as adults, they'd be really hot. They'd be really large, you know? So face to face psychogenic stimulation is being able to not just pull out a vibrator, not just grab a set of handcuffs. It's really being able to reach into your own psyche and begin to share something that turns you on. And it's crazy to me that so many of us either can't do that, won't do that. I think we shouldn't need to do that or believe they don't even have those fantasies or don't know that. Right. But when we don't. I mean, this is what we hear all day every day. People think, well, I hear what you're saying. Emily, we should talk about our fantasies or we should role play, but that's just awkward. We've been together forever. They're gonna, yeah, it's all those reasons. I can't. I won't. I don't have any fantasies. But I agree, but I'll sit down with that cup on. I'll say, but listen, we've agreed that you need psychogenic stimulation. And I sometimes say, you know, we need a different on road into arousal, or we need a different on ramp, or we need an arousal runway. Those two terms like an arousal runway and an on ramp, people kind of like relate to those terms, you know? Straight line. And I'll say then, you know, I think that we got to do some side by side psychological arousal. And that's really simple. I just want you to take in together some sexy media. I don't care if it's reading erotic literature allowed. I don't care if it's listening to an erotica podcast. I don't care if it's listening to audio porn. I don't care if it's watching ethical porn, which is always interesting because everyone will then say ethical porn and then that gets me to give them a whole nother. Exactly. And deconstruct their ideas about porn. But like I said, complicated issues have simple answers. Yeah, then taken something really sexy together with the shared aim of letting it get you aroused. Maybe get into a little neutral masturbation while it's happening, you know? Let's say something as you, yeah, but poor is wrong, or it makes me feel bad, right? That's against my beliefs. Right. First of all, I can try and make it fun. I can try and make it like that version of the newlywed game. I can say, I want you to pick erotica or porn that doesn't turn you on necessarily, but you think it's going to turn on your partner. And then that always oh, that's fine. Yeah, that becomes fun. They're going to start to tell me about the solution. So we've moved from problem to solution. My job, then, is to raise the temperature in the room a little. And around that solution, turn it into a fantasy. So, okay, so what does that mean like? You want him to desire you a lot more. Do you want him to say something? Do you want him to do something? Yeah, I want him to push me up against the wall and tell me he wants to fuck me. You know, like, wow, okay. It's not something he probably does or it's not the way you talk about putting together the shopping list, right? So you sort of want to like want your hunger for you or almost want you to be objectified in those moments. I'm just working with them to build the fantasy right there. And then he might say, well, I don't know how to do that or that feels weird or how to write, and then do you give them tools to do it as well? Yeah, I do, but I feel like the main thing that they need is permission from each other. Like, once they've sort of talked about a little more, like, it's okay to come up to me and just, you know, bite me on the neck. Permission and it's getting them to get in touch with their erotic self. So sometimes people will come back and say, yeah, I picked out the porn for him. It was a POV of a blowjob because I know he loves blow jobs. And I hated it. Why is everything a blowjob? Well, that's interesting. Do you like blowjobs? Yeah, I do. He'll say, yeah, I really do like blown up. Is it simply because it's a lubricated mouth with some friction of a hand against your penis? I mean, that could be just you masturbating with some lube and your hand. No, no, I like it because it makes me feel like she totally loves me. But it makes me feel like I'm totally in power. Oh, it makes you feel like really loved or it makes you feel powerful, right? Then we're getting to even a sexual behavior or a body part, it contains an erotic element. It contains an element of fantasy. So when I think when people think about fantasy, they're getting way too ambitious. They're feeling like I have to be like, so super creative. You realize there are so many paths to pleasure. First of all, I'm not going to ever, I hate when couples get so hung up. I agree. Let it go. Do something else. There are so many paths to pleasure. The other thing that I really try and do is say, anything you do, whether it's a blow job, whether it's intercourse, whether to kiss, it can have some kind of psychological meaning. It can be the most loving, romantic. It can be the most passionate kiss. That oral sex can come from and there's really like a mutual flow state being generated. And I think that's what every couple needs to have happened during sex, right? You need to get really turned on psychologically and then you need to kind of shift into a kind of like flow state together where you're just totally present in the moment. So that's one lesson that I just learned from working with people who practice. Oh, how do I love it? You describe that so well in the book about that state that we get into and that's why people often like power play because you are not in your thinking about the laundry and someone's coming, but your body you're engaging. It's forced engagement because a lot of us are not as connected during sex. We're not connecting our partner. We're in our heads, we're disassociating. So it's that flow state. Everything we all want,.
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"Went, oh shit. And he said, that's it. I gotta stop this. Wow. And so that was like a kind of deep thing. I wish he would go to his friends that day. Right. You know, from work, you know? Well, and they would say, like, there were guys, you know, one guy said to me that there was a guy on his crew team who was legendary because he had stopped using porn and they said, well, what do you do? And he said, I use my imagination. And the other guys were just like, how do you do that? It wasn't even a thing. If you grew up after 2007 with Pornhub, it wasn't even really a thing. So part of it was like, you're not going to get rid of the porn, but can we broaden their ideas? That's what you exactly. How you might approach masturbation that might not only be more pleasure. And distinguishing between what's super arousing and what's actually pleasurable and wanted and desirable that was one thing I talked a lot about what that means. Well, like, so I looked at you know Emily nagoski as well. Yes. So she's fantastic. The book comes you are as like a Bible. And she talks about genital non concordance, which is that you can be aroused by something that the body will do with the body will do. So if the body thinks that something sexual is afoot, it will react, it will lubricate it will get an erection, even if you're thinking ick, right? Because and that's why a woman can orgasm during a rape, or you can get an erection from something that you find repugnant. And in fact, what Emily will say is that there's a way that when you find something both objectionable and sexual, that it actually will turbo charge arousal. Because you're getting all the dopamine off. Yeah, because there's all this stuff going on in your brain and make it actually more arousing than something that's desirable. Sometimes you guys would talk about seeing stuff that was like stuff that you would never even think of. You know like really off the charts. It would be arousing to them and they would be disturbed by the fact that it was arousing to them. And so I think understanding some basic aspects of physiology and genital non concordance and that whole thing is really important when you're going into a porn world. So you can kind of say, oh, there's a reason why I feel like I'm not into this, but my body's going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can understand that better and maybe respond to it differently. So what happens now is though, do we talk about the general nonconcordance that they're actually seeing it and maybe it's something like maybe the first time I do see a gangbang or choking and I think ick but then it becomes and then the next time and the next skip right over it it could have been a matter of seconds or a few times, so what we're saying is to even identify that moment in time, hopefully before it happens. It's useful because it's not saying it's not a shaming blaming thing. It's just saying, this is how this works. How do you think about this? And then there's a whole nother set of guys, of course, who said, and there was a small subset of guys who felt really deeply harmed and I can't say whether it was a chicken and the egg thing. In terms of their opinions, but I can say that they never talked to an adult about it, and that they were struggling. And they wanted to talk to somebody about it. And then which part of the day felt loathing it felt or they felt that it had skewed their ideas of sex. They felt they were being aroused by things they didn't want to be aroused by they felt that it had taught them negative lessons. They felt that had shaped that. There's some research that shows that guys who are regular porn users are more likely to believe those images are true, more likely to want to act them out in the bedroom, and they're more likely to, they're less satisfied with their partnered experiences with their own performance with their partner's bodies. And so it was some of that kind of thing. A boy who said that he had said, I don't know if it's totally porn driven, but I think it certainly made a difference that I watched all this point that I've developed a very, very specific idea of a female body that turns me on. And so when I'm with my girlfriend, and she doesn't, you know, she's saying she doesn't feel good about her body in some way. And I'm thinking, you know, I'm saying to her, no, no, I love your body, but he said privately I'm thinking, but I wish you're nipples were a little darker and a little larger because that's really what I get off on when I'm looking at the points if he said, it just doesn't feel good to me. Right. And he doesn't know how to undo it because that's all he's really. And he doesn't know like who knows if that's driven by pointer. I can't say, but how else would he have had these? That's what he says. And so that kind of thing. He was just pondering that. I don't know what kind of impact has had on me. I think I feel harmed by it. I can't say whether that's what harm to that is the reason for that or not. But I can say he wasn't talking to anybody about it, that no, there was no adult that he could ask any questions about that. And then the other bunch of boys were guys who would say like, I know it's not real. I know the difference between fantasy and reality. And I think really, because you've never actually kissed a girl. Right. How would you never stand anyone naked? How would you do it? And we know the research that that's not true that the way media works. Porn or mainstream media, it's really easy to get down the rabbit hole, the porn conversation. Mainstream media is a big issue too, obviously. Yes. How media works.
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"More accessible <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> and <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> fun every week. <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> I shared my own sex <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> tips and advice <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> answering all of <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> your burning questions. <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> Like why do. I want more <Speech_Female> sex than my partner. <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> What are some new <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> positions. We can try <Speech_Female> to spice things <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> up. How can i <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> try anal sex. <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> What are the best ways <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> to give oral sex. <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> How can i navigate <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> dating <SpeakerChange> <Music> <Advertisement> dating apps. <Music> <Advertisement> <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> <SpeakerChange> <Speech_Music_Female> <Speech_Female> Plus i talked <Speech_Female> to leading experts <Speech_Female> and celebrities to <Speech_Female> demystify some of <Speech_Female> the questions. We all <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> have about sex. <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> I talked to <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> a wide range of personalities. <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> Like comedian <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> nikki. <SpeakerChange> Glaser <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> duty <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> you just one time <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> or lake. Have <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> an orgasm tonight. <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> You deserve an orgasm <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> tonight. Give yourself <Speech_Female> when it was something like <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> bold statement. That was <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> like okay so threatening <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> me. <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> But i was also like <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> okay. You're right. <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> I am going to <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> porn star and cam <Speech_Female> girl <SpeakerChange> lily. <Speech_Music_Female> Lebeau sometimes <Speech_Music_Female> okay. <Speech_Music_Female> No most of the time. I <Speech_Music_Female> have so much more <Speech_Music_Female> satisfied on <Speech_Music_Female> cam <Speech_Music_Female> than i am in <Speech_Music_Female> my real <SpeakerChange> life right <Speech_Female> now. <Speech_Female> Dr ian kerner. <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> The man who made oral <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> sex into an art <Speech_Music_Female> form and <Speech_Music_Female> author of <SpeakerChange> she comes <Speech_Music_Male> first. Why <Speech_Male> does this one <Speech_Male> behavior <Speech_Male> of penis and vagina <Speech_Male> for heterosexual <Speech_Music_Male> couples <Speech_Music_Male> have to dominate <Speech_Music_Male> and <Speech_Music_Male> overshadow <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> the <SpeakerChange> way we <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> have sex psychologists <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> and leading <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> narcissism expert. <Speech_Music_Female> Dr romney <Speech_Music_Female> dir vassallo <Speech_Female> narcissistic people <Speech_Female> often fantastic <Speech_Female> sales people <Speech_Female> because they have a tremendous <Speech_Female> ability to <Speech_Female> study another person <Speech_Music_Female> get the <Speech_Female> intel and <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> use it for <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> their own <SpeakerChange> narcissistic <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> needs. I also <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> answer listener questions <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> about sex <Speech_Female> relationships <Speech_Female> and everything <Speech_Female> in between <Speech_Female> your lap broken. <Speech_Music_Female> <Advertisement> Nothing wrong with you but <Speech_Music_Female> <Speech_Female> yes <Speech_Female> absolutely. <Speech_Female> I <Speech_Female> love helping you figure <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> out what works for you <Speech_Female> without shame <Speech_Female> or judgment <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> we all <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> deserve. Pleasure <Speech_Female> <Advertisement> subscribe <Speech_Female> now for better sex <Speech_Female> to find out more <Speech_Music_Female> about the show <SpeakerChange> to <Speech_Music_Female> sex with dot com. <Music>
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"Thirty four in arkansas. Hi doing paulina. i'm good. How are you talk firmly. Good thanks so much for calling. How can i help you when my boyfriend and i are intimate. I get very wet and a lot of the time when that happens. It's hard for me to feel him when us inside me. It's very frustrating. He doesn't mind. But i do. It bothers me. And i don't know if this is a normal thing also on birth control so i mean it could be a lot of things agree medication. It could be that you're really aroused. It's okay it's all okay. Do you ever just stop forbidden towel next. The bed and wipe should keep going to do that. I do but not as often enough honestly. That's what i would do. I mean i would just have a towel. That's like your sex towel. I have several of them by my bed when anything happens because sex's messy and fun and beautiful and has certain odors and that's all good and you just keep you wipe it off and you could you know people say you can use condoms. You could use a cock ring. You could do other things to kind of be able to feel cochran that he would wear on his penis. And then you could. You know that would help like kind of create more fullness. But i think it's just it could be your age. It could be. It could be the birth control pill. But i would just say like i'm gonna work this off with ptolemy this again. I mean it's just energy does not enough for to at and i get why that might feel weird. But it's your boyfriend hong if you've been with them Just over a year. Now we've done the long distance thing for about five or six months okay. Has this always been the case. Have you always found yourself getting very wet. No not until the past few months. Okay and is it did you. When did you start the birth control pill in april. You started noticing that you've got more wet when you went on birth control pill right okay. I mean that could be a side effect of it. But i would be does a sex. How was it before you went on the pill. It wasn't like that. I didn't have that issue where i was more wet than normal. It could definitely have that kind of impact. The pill can Have you had any others. other side effects from the pill no are wetness levels change throughout her menstrual cycles as well. So there's certain times a month or more wet last. Wet a lot of times side effects subside. Over time there's a lot of medications that gives us really intent side effects but after six to eight months. sometimes they go away. I would just try to work around this one and it can also be other things you know like your cycle or your age but it sounds like it's probably the the birth control pill taking too but i figured i would try because i listened to your podcast. All the time started taking a lot of tips and everything. Listen to it on my way home. So i can listen to the whole thing and i you know. A lot of your tips have helped. I do appreciate glad to hear that. So that's why you're good. I would call you something you can just go on google now and find out because there is no answer for it there is no answer for. I've heard this a lot over the years and it's not a forever situation but you're going to be fine. You know your partner. Seems like he's okay with it just you. And maybe some other kind of stimulation from him to oral sex or using it toy. Thanks again thank you. Thank you so much for calling in. I appreciate you thanks. Bye-bye wanna say that the birth control pill has a lot of side effects. That people aren't always aware of prescribe. And you think oh. My doctor gave it to me. It's good to go but that isn't always the case. So i talk about this a lot on the show. If you're interested please check out our podcast with the lisa. Vdi who started a company called flow living or another podcast sex drugs and the side effects of birth control with abby epstein and ricky lake. We will put all the links for this in the show notes. I know some of you are listening. And saying i wish i had that problem getting you know. I don't know what enough well you know. It's always something the grass is always wetter on the other side but it is a real. It is a real concern and i get it but remember what i'm hearing from this. Is that like really an easy solution is just a wipe yourself down and says we don't want to or it's weird to have to lean over and get something but is it. Can we just what we normalize it. Sex can be messy in weird and have certain odors incense and sounds and that is sex. Sex is not a beautiful. Well manicured situation that just sort of every time it looks the same and feels the same in the more we can normalize that and be with partners that are cool with it and support us and celebrate us in all of our messy weird loudness. Sexiness the better off. We're going to be in the better sex we're going to have can tell you that. Find those partners okay. This is from michael thirty-five in california. How come my wife. And i either way into an open relationship and any tips. Unfulfilling a threesome fantasy. All right. listen michael. I love this question. it's a really common one ba. Listen whether it's about opening up your marriage or having a threesome. Most important thing is that you have to talk and talk and talk some more and make sure that you have healthy communication and do a self audit talk to your partner as well is non monogamy fit for you and your partner. How do you feel about the idea of your partner being with someone else. How does your wife feel about it. If either one of your jealous people you might not be able to handle an open relationship as far as threesomes go. It's the same thing. What are the intentions behind your through. Some why do you wanna habit. Have you talked about this together. You know maybe she really wanted with threesome. Because she's has a fantasy of being with more than one person or maybe she wants to see you with another woman or maybe you want to see her with another man. So couples get to decide what it looks like for them. But the most important thing is that you need to have boundaries and rules in place for engaging in a threesome or an open relationship couples. I know who have success with this. Have very clear boundaries about what's off the table with on the table duve rules around. If it's someone you know. Is there kissing involved. Are there certain. Sex acts that are off the table. It really helps to dirty talk. This fantasy beforehand has session when you start talking about what's going on in the fantasy and who would be there and who be being pleased and what acts would be going on and that way you can start to take notice. How did this feel. Was it really a turn onto me and then afterwards you can talk about it together and say how did that feel. Is this something we want to pursue and it's baby steps you do not want to rush into any kind of alternative arrangement and if you want more information. We a great article on our site. It's an ask emily. How do we prepare for a threesome. We also have an article. What.
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"Arduously produced and harnesses the power of c minerals to nourish and firm. Your skin like no others listers on the show. Get ten percent off all parts on your first order with use. Promo code. Emily malibu dot com. You also get free samples and every order and free shipping on orders over fifty dollars. That's ten percent off with code. Emily at asean malibu. That's s. a. m. i. l. i. b. u. dot com. Here's a fact. I think everyone should know. Eighty percent of women don't reach orgasm through penetrative sex alone eighty percent kinda criminal. You asked me now here on the show. Were always talking about closing the pleasure gap. I love it when companies step up to the plate with this exact same mission. So here's one to add sexual menu particularly if you're a fan of cbd and that is for ya. Foia is a sexual health and wellness company that creates plant based formula for sexual healing more intense orgasms and a healthier planet. That's because they use all natural and organic ingredients. But hey if more folks are having more orgasms. I think we can all agree that makes for a healthier planning to definitely a happier planet. I really do love. Everything about four is intimacy collection. And if your regular here chances are you've heard me mentioned it but right now by popular demand. They're bringing back the intimacy botanical. Vape pen with broad spectrum. Cbd it also contains organic tentacles real peppermint and ginger so every inhale tastes as good as it feels. And it's such a nice pre-game tool for activating your senses before solo. Our partner play. This is the one. Cbd pen that. I felt really worked. Got right into my system. I felt relaxed. I felt it the mood. I love the way it tasted. I didn't know there could be a pen. That has immediate reaction and help my whole body. Get in the mood and stay in the moment. Here's a cool part right now for is offering special deal for our listeners. Get twenty percents off your first order by visiting fauria wellness dot com slash. Emily or use code. Emily at checkout. That's f. o. r. I a. wellness dot com forward slash. Emily for twenty percent off your first order..
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"Like for me. It's breath it's it's exercise. It's hot going into steam shower cold dunk. There's all these things that help. Sort of move us through it. I see like a full body experience. You can kind of just be more in touch with yourself because we are feelings our our our in our body until the morning get in touch with it we could release a lot of those traumas and those feelings but it's a lifelong practice and really great place as a great book. Called the body keeps the score. And it's also about how our traumas and all of our memories are stored at our body. And i feel like that would be really great work for you than just a therapy. That's around talking along with visualization and calling in to me. I think these are amazing. Steps for you and i wanna stay in touch and i want you to make sure that you find. I want you to do this. i'm sure. I don't know the first person that's told you this but i know this is going to help you so i would still be available. If you wanna email us. We can help you down that track. Because i think you're going to really start to feel some relief help you gotta stick with it though. Okay overshadow it. Thank you for calling. I really appreciate it hanging there. We got you k. Thanks chuck by. Where i think is really interesting here. Is that you know he came in asking about sex. And how do. I have sex. But i think we start to unpack things. Even i will tell you. It's not always about the sex. He's looking you know. I think a lot of it comes down to relationships and connection and trust and honesty and i think some of us take for granted though. We should just know how to be a good friend or how to have a healthy relationships. But that's a learned skill and if we didn't grow up in an environment that supported that we didn't have a parent or friends or consistent role models in our life. We're not just all of a sudden figure it out right. We all have these coping mechanisms that we learned in childhood and nobody had a perfect childhood. Even if you if you call me and tell me that there was perfect. I wouldn't believe you it's not good or bad. It's just that we all have lessons. We all have childhoods that set us up for our life lessons. Like the blueprint for everything we need to learn in our lives is simply laid out in our childhood not to bash your parents or your sisters or your neighbors. That's what we have to learn from because we are conditioned like robots. If you think about it you don't can't get out of your home. You see your parents every day. You see your siblings. And those are the patterns that you go through till maybe you leave home at eighteen and then that's who you are that's who you become. That's all you've seen so you obviously have to go out and say who am i. What is still true to me. What is important to me and it can take a really long time to figure it out on our own or we can choose to get a path. Find a trust therapist. Find some good friends. But i think the first step if you are feeling this way if this resonated with you and you feel like you don't have a lot of people in your life that you can trust. I know that finding someone at therapeutic setting they can commit to on a daily basis will be your first step as well. This is from sabrina twenty-six in chicago. Hey dr emily. After listening to your show for while. I've been inspired to deepen my personal masturbation practice. I've always had a high in healthy sex drive and my partner and i love mutual masturbation and incorporating pleasure into sex. Unfortunately i have an issue with my solo practice. Where i just can't seem to stop i can easily have multiple orgasms and they feel great. I don't want to stop but it does take up too much time i could have so many orgasms in a row and we're mutually masturbating. His orgasm is always the stopping you even though i could keep going. I am satisfied since my solo practice seems to have no stopping q. How can i develop a more regular masturbation practice. I feel like this is a good problem. But i would love to masturbate more regularly and not just on the days where i can devote hours to it and advises appreciated. I love your show and everything you do to take the shame out of sex. Thank you already to bring a. Thanks so much for your email you sell it. Probably wherever thinking is well. That's a good problem to have but just like everything that feels good. We sometimes take it to extremes right so it's all about moderation and balance and thinking about your intention. Why is it that you want to masturbate releases all those feel good hormones and it's a great way to connect to your body if you're looking to set up a healthy routine with masturbation why don't actually put on your calendar and say i want to do it three days a week and i'm going to give myself a half hour and then you do it right before you have somewhere else to be. Maybe you're meeting a friend for lunch. You've an important meeting that you don't wanna miss so this way you have a built in stopping point where you have to go about your day. I'll be honest. When i'm getting on google with my masturbation routine i could keep going and going on with you. It feels amazing. So i can cut it short and i know that you can to sabrina. I.
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"Bay beckham. But i'm not that close my dad. It's we talk but we're not super close I fake any son of aging. My mom's a little. I don't wanna say controlling but it's like you know it was a little suffocating. I didn't live on my own till late to okay. That's a lot just because growing up in a family. Sounds like they were making more strict or controlling. Are there wasn't a lot of information about sacks or maybe being independent and so maybe you drank a lot to sort of maybe numb out and not have to feel things that maybe weren't as safe to express in your home growing up and now you find yourself you're very smart or very analytical. You're very much in your head. And i think that doing some work with therapist on a regular basis like once a week somebody who's more body centered who's more like a somatic therapist or even as a sex therapist could help you sort of unpack a lot of these things. Because they all sound like they are unable to you. They might not seem related. But i just see. They're all related. Feeling our chris restrictive household and then drinking to kind of escape. That and then. I first your first sexual experience. You felt shame. La- wasn't ideal sexual experience. Now that's the other thing like even if it was an amazing they could've gone. Oh well i guess. But that's still was a non emotional connection and so there's a lot here that doesn't probably feel like a lot of practice even trusting women. I think that's true too. I wanted to be in relationship but at the same time. It's feels as oh. I don't know it's shave. Fear i feel. I feel let down like you know i feel. I'm were own worst enemy. I guess i guess. But that i really don't liking objected. Either you have these barriers up everywhere you turn your like. I don't want to reject it. And i don't wanna put myself out there and if i do buy stuff out there i feel so inexperienced and there's none of this to be shameful for it all chuck invest first of all. It's so brave for you to call and talk to me. Because i just i just my heart. I feel all you've so much pain and you so much suffering. I see it. It's you're so tightly wound and you just breathe you to you as you said about taking a step and i think committing to therapy once a week with a woman. I think a female therapist would be good for you and me could work on kind of your relationship with the feminine. But somebody who's gonna keep you who you commit to. I mean really. it's a relationship because really sacks and all those we can get to that but it's about learning to trust trust somebody and have someone that's going to help you and we'll help you untangle all this something that i can't do right now and in fifteen minutes which i really wish i could but therapy being in therapy is actually a relationship. It's a relationship that you make with therapists. Maybe i don't explain this much on the show but you sort of g- recreate the scenarios that you do in your other life in therapy so there's just a lot of things that go on in therapy. You're sort of projections like things. Come up and you're like i flipped. Therapist isn't really seeing me and they'll say to you. Well this common and others are very. I feel like oh. My mother never saw me. It seems like that that make this relationship so rich for growth. And if you haven't gone yet. I think that is for sure your i your very first step because then you'll be able to slowly work with somebody who's gonna you're gonna learn to trust and it's going to help you unpack all of these things and take baby steps baby steps getting a phone number from someone you meet at the you know where you work or at the bar or just. It's a lunch. Yeah you're not going to go from zero to sixty i. I wouldn't even advise that for you but starting to trust yourself and trust others is going to be really really big for you and help change the trajectory of your life and then once you learn to really connect with somebody and other people in your life. You'll start to release some of these blocks. They won't seem as massive. And you'll realize they're all connected and you you're so articulate in your your smart and you thought about this and seem like a really kind person with a big heart and so i want you to see what i see in you and and start to build those relationships. Try some visualization exercise. Your is great visuals. Yeah i love visualization exercises. I with the cool thing is that you could do have health insurance to find a therapist. I do my work. i But my brother's girlfriend had mentioned that cheap pays out of pocket one hundred dollars per session. Certain things i would think are doable. So yeah and you can find places with a sliding scale. And i think that finding someone that you feel safe with saying you're going to interview three therapists. And then see you like the best. You'd have to go to the first one. But but how is the visualization working for. You what are you visualize visualizing your life or yourself in a relationship are you. It's hard to concentrate for. sinologist started. Just imagine yourself in certain situations. You know 'cause you're nervous system doesn't know the difference which i think tha that. Yeah yeah. I am almost afraid. Almost myself Yeah i just. But i guess that's just my own self limiting belief. Yeah because you also don't have experience in it really. So i i think what i'm hearing a lot ahead stuff here and i just and i love the the term nervous system resonated with you because a lot of are dervis systems. You know we go to into fighter flight. We have patterns that were set young age right when certain things happen and we will respond and we don't even know that it's happening and there are some really good practices that can help us calm our nervous system.
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"How do you use it like what happens. Walk me through well. It's i have the rabid so you get the inter on the external in i play with both. I don't have any problem getting. I don't have any problem getting there. Getting to the point of where you think you're going to have an orgasm. I don't have any problem getting there but we also have one yet. So how do we know that. That's another question like am i having. I'm not aware that this is tell me what happens. When you say you get there you get to the plateau phase of arousal. There's some reasons there's four stages of arousal and plateaus right before orgasm. So what happens there when you say you get. How do you know you're there. You've never you know well okay. So for example the other day our you know having sex with my friend. I love addicts. Excellent and axel farms like goma. God don't stop. don't stop don't stop and then instead of involuntary release it was more like a. This can't go anywhere else. I needed to stop though it sort of was that a something from your brain or your body. Did your body start to say. This is all i could. Did you have pain. I wouldn't call it pain. No it's not paid okay. You have a rabbit. Vibrator which means a dual stimulation vibrator that's internal and external now the majority of vulva owners. If they're going to have an orgasm it starts with the clitoris. Its external majority of vulva owners vagina owners. They do not have an orgasm with anything inside of them. It's all from the clitoris which is external clitoral stimulation. Where i'm hearing you say is the orgasm you're always trying to have is with something inside of you usually start with the outside and then i creep inside how. How much time are you spending on the.
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"Jenny thirty seven from new york city. Jenny how are you. Thanks for calling in. How are you kidding. Thank you so welcome. How can i help you. Oh i've got this little problem. Maybe it's not a problem. Maybe just is what it is which is that. I don't think i've ever heard adam. Okay it's the same kind of always happens like with a partner or with myself. It's like i get bear against the point This is it. It's happening in them. There's no There is no involved the peace. That's what it's supposed to be rates exploded. Yeah i don't. I don't have okay. Tell me about your masturbation routine infrequent and inconsistent okay. Masturbation is a practice. And the way you're going to have your first orgasm and you're gonna know you have an orgasm is if you spend time developing that relationship with yourself. That's really how we become the greatest lovers to everybody to our partners and to ourselves my best friend in college. She decided that she was going to junior year at. She had an internship and she said. I'm going to go away for a month. And i'm going to spend the every day for thirty days master but she never orgasm and i'm going to try everyday to masturbate and it didn't happen. The first week didn't have the second week by the third week. She finally had an orgasm. She finally figured out her body. It took her every night for three weeks four weeks. I have never heard of masturbation orgasm till i was twenty five and then i was pissed that no one told me right but like it won't happen without you committing to it and then you will now. So what's how do you know when it's an actual physical anatomical problem and when it's like an emotional mental block. Oh wow you know. I think it's everything. I think if they're all related and that's the thing about orgasms who like what's a quick fix i tell you get a toy but if you're on certain medications if you have a lot of stress and you hold your body really tight if you grew up in an environment where there was a lot of shame around sex. You told it wasn't okay to be sexual that if you masturbate. You'll go to hell wait until you're married to have sex. Someone shamed you in high school. Once you know it's it's all of these things that factor into it. So is there a world in which there's an actual physical problem and it's an anatomical problem that's not recoverable is an actual bank. Because i listen to podcasts. Said it was like ten percent of women. No i'm telling you. I've never met somebody. I think that most women are priore. Gaz mik but they're not unable to orgasm and when i say anatomy. Maybe that was confusing. I should explain. It has been studied at show. That where how close your clitoris is to your vaginal opening. If it's a thumb my friend. Wednesday martin wrote this book called untrue and this is the first time i read it. If you're if it's less than like a thumb listen inch closer to your vaginal opening. You're more likely to have an orgasm during penetration. That's all it's imperceptible. So don't even i. I mean i really have never had anyone call. I've tried everything you said emily. I didn't have an orgasm. And we're talking sixteen years so if you told me that yeah i've been trying everything i bought toys and i use them regularly and i use lube and i breathe and i spent some time alone myself and i touched my body and i thought about sexy things or i just breathe into a mindful masturbation and i did it for a month and it didn't work then we could talk but i'm not hearing that from you okay. That's fair dime on that level of work but like how do you get hump. 'cause romantic Might visit it's happening. This got the unmanned there's no explosion more kind of dissipates. Okay well tell me about this. Hump is a winner with a partner or by yourself master booze. Okay saying it's the same humps. Let's get over the hump when you're alone because then you're thinking because when we're we're a partner it's another factor they're looking at you ensure your partners want you to get there you wanna get. There's everyone's thinking by your orgasm and we're thinking about our orgasms are brainwashing rushing to our head away from our genitals. You're not in your body. You're both members and your orgasm and the more we try to make something happen. It doesn't happen so have you had toys. I have one that i.
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"This isn't something you can just go on google and no. You're listening to sex with emily. I'm doctor emily. And i'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Today's show it's all about finding answers to your trickiest questions and unleashing your full pleasure potential. How do you orgasm when you don't know how or how you have sex for the first time when you've never had sex. How do you ease into an open relationship or threesome. How'd you find balance in your masturbation routine whether you're too dry and it's puzzling your partner or too wet. It's puzzling both of you. I hope you figure out solutions to overcome your biggest sexual challenges all right intense with emily. Join me in setting an intention for the show. So when you're listening what do you want to get out this episode. How can help you. My intent is to normalize the fact that sex can be messy and weird and loud and slippery and it's all okay please. Rate review the podcast. Wherever you listen it helps others find the show. And i have a new article at sex with emily dot com. It's the ford tips for lasting longer in bed. If you like many of my listeners have a hard time lasting as long as you'd like to check that out if you want to ask me a question comma hotline five nine talk sex or five five nine eight two five five seven three nine. You can leave me your questions or message me. It's sex with dot com slash. Ask emily article enjoyed this episode..
"emily" Discussed on Here We Are
"Each other. Those are. there's never get vol. Thank you so much for joining me on the show and listeners. I hope that you'll check out. Emily willing hams of books. Of course we do. The one we talked about today is called fallacy life lessons from the animal penis We also just plugged the informed parent a science based resource for your child's first few years and I four years. Sorry i four years and then the the new one coming out in december and possibly we'll be able to get her back on to talk about at the taylor brain for ketamine takito companionship. A users guide to feeling better and thinking smarter. Yeah that'd be a that'd be cool conversation to have Few months so Yeah but but thanks so much for joining me for having me. Ver- i'm being patient dotted got a time to make. Oh i mean it's all of my guests are such busy people. it's it's People that are into science and scientists are always just such hard working educated people that have such tight crazy schedules all the time. So nothing unusual there believe me but but yeah i'm i'm happy that did finally workout. So so yeah. You're wonderful guest and thank you listeners. For being such wonderful curious people will talk with you more next week..
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"Let's talk about the love languages. Maybe you've heard of this concept. The five lovling. Just comes from dr gary chapman. He's american author. He's a pastor radio talk show host and he described five ways romantic partners express and receive love so the basic idea is that everyone gives and receives love differently but when we figure our language and our partners will better be able to communicate our love and strengthen our relationships and the cool thing is that gary chapman was a pastor so he was like seeing couples for like twenty five years. And that's how we pinpointed these and they make a lot of sense and in fact i've often recommended. Two couples figure your partners lovling which is like an easy way to jump. Start a more loving relationship. It's helped a lot of couples get through resentments and not going to solve all your problems. But it's really eye-opening and ever since i i learned about the love languages probably almost a decade ago. I think about it all the time. I think about it with people my life. It's not just lovers. I think about my own languages. I think about my employees. So it's really helpful so i just wanted to break it down for you so you understand it. So there's five ways of experiencing love and we want all of these. Don't get me wrong but we all tend to have one to two primary love languages for example one of them's gifts and sure i love getting a gift. But that's not my primary love language. And i just wanted to. You remember that we can express all the love languages and they're all important but what we're talking about here is finding out your primary love language. So what are the five languages. It's acts of service gift-giving physical touch quality time and words of affirmation
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"Spice it backup. We've been together for six years married for five. Please help our jeremy. yes. I agree with you that decision. That should be made lightly. Perhaps one of the reasons why you don't want to have another kid is because you feel like you lost your wife. When you went to child you felt somewhat demoted. You're not her top priority and this is coming right. This happened after a baby. And you know the hormones change and for many many women their sex drive's change. And so i think if you have an honest conversation with your wife and you say i've been having some concerns lately about it. I just really miss our connection. And i miss our sex life and i miss having you and it's hard for me to feel that we are so separate now we haven't been able to repair. Go get to a place. Where i feel connected. I mean those are your real emotions. No one can argue with those and maybe after heartfelt conversations you'll start to understand both sides and maybe you feel like you want to have another baby or maybe it'll bring up other things in your relationship that you need to talk about because we all have things that we need to talk about in relationships and we often don't do them so healthy conversations from honesty and from the heart okay. Jeremy thanks for your question. Tim thirty five in cleveland. Hey dr emily. I'm a thirty five year old male. That sexually active. I've had trouble having orgasms during sex when i'm the partner that's doing the movement. I have a much easier time getting to the top of the mountain when my partner is moving on me. What things can. I do to fix this. So it's possible for me to orgasm any position while i'm the one doing the work. Okay this is interesting tim. So what you're saying is if you're just lying on the bottom. Let's say you're in missionary and you're partners on top of you moving back and forth and doing all the work and you're just lying there you can orgasm no problem when you're in charge and moving you can't and so what comes to my mind is. Is there something going on in your head. Are you worried that you're not gonna please a partner. Does it feel like you've too much control at that moment. And do you get into your head. 'cause a lot of times we can't orgasm a lot of psychological. So there's nothing wrong with you or its pattern conditioning. Maybe you always came by doing nothing. And so it's really prepped. Of calling it out. If you're with a partner he could say talk about it to say. Hey i realized we start practicing like moving around more. I just feel like. I really love watching you the way you move on top of me but i'd also like to be able to come when i'm moving around as well. I just think this is the way that you have been conditioned and talking to a part about. Maybe you need some more foreplay ahead of time. Maybe she'll give you blow job or hand job and get you more engaged in a different way sexually. So i think that this is not an absolute life is not going to end with you not being able to move during intercourse. But i think it's a matter of rewiring and practicing some mindfulness exercises. So when you are in your head you can just go back to your breath and the moment and what's happening grounding yourself in your senses what am i seeing. What am i smelling. What am i taste and that might really help you. Be centered and focused on the moment. If your head's going to this is gonna work. I'm not gonna come to realize it. So much of this is conditioning. It didn't happen to us a few times now. We think we can only orgasm a certain way. But none of that is true.
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"Out you said you wish you were surprised that the separation was out of nowhere. But i think it's not out of nowhere especially if she had said things to you a few months earlier or your earlier those are all signs so i know that if you go to therapy you're going to start to learn more about yourself and the way you process information. Maybe there was something in the relationship. That wasn't working for you but you didn't really ally yourself time to to really sink into it and continue to talk to your wife. And if she's when he's about therapy she might appreciate to hear the kind of work. You're doing and the growth factors. I don't think that people should get back together if nothing's changed there's a reason why she left. I'm not saying it's all your fault. It's definitely it's two of you in the relationship. It's a fifty fifty split. There is still some communication you can learn together so i don't know if you guys are still good at their together. That can be great once a month. Still go together while you do your own practice. So you're doing all the right things be prepared to just learn a lot more about yourself and start doing the work. That's why we're all here. God do the work. This is from nate thirty five in the uk. Hey dr emily. I recently developed a p fetish or golden showers. They call it and it seems to be getting stronger. The thought of watching a woman peer being done by women strongly stimulate me. I've never experienced this before. And it's something i'd like to try is a p fetish or golden shower a common type of finish and is normal. Why people want experience this. What are the causes of desiring fetish. Such as this. How would i approach the subject with my girlfriend. I'm worried they might not be into it. And it's something i wanted to try. Many thanks for your time and look forward to your response. It's a very common fantasy and essentially someone's being on someone else. They're watching it drinking it. It is common. you know. there's a lot of reasons why people might like golden showers. Why they become part of their eroticism. Sometimes it could be a humiliation thing. You know pe- associated with being dirty and the private and so maybe that's part of the on. There's also a sensory aspect to it. It's warm you know. Part of the person it's intimacy. It's still a little bit taboo. Some people just like the smell some people had things picked up things in their formative years at sort of shaped. They're really strong fantasies or fetishes and so really only you could answer it if you did some deep diving. When was the first time you had this fantasy. Did you see it somewhere. Did you hear about it with something happening. In the moment do an early member about p. about someone peeing and you were watching they heat on you. It could have been like a sibling. Our cousin but something happens in that moment. Where maybe you were linked up eroticism with that situation when you were watching it or experiencing it so this is really for you to do some investigative work on your own psyche. However there's nothing to worry about going back to your partner though. I do think that since sex isn't so comfortable for every talk about most people aren't aware of their fences or what turns them on to start with. I've got a golden showers fetish. Could freak people out so not my circle of friends but mixture that you're with a parter that you trust and that you already started to have a dialogue around your turn on your fantasies. What are the most memorable time. She had sex with you. And what are the most memorable times. You've had sex with her. You guys could check our yes. No maybe list yes. I will mention that on every single show because so many of.
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"P. have fun shopping. We've got a very different kind of sponsor for this episode. The jordan harbinger show. Which is a podcast. You really should be listening to. And i know that every day someone tells you you just have to listen to some podcasts. And you're not sure and then you ever listened to it. Don't let that happen here jordan. Show which apple named one of the best of twenty eighteen is aimed at making you a better informed more critical thinker. She can get a sense of how the world actually works and come to your own conclusions about what's happening even inside your own brain. Each episode is a conversation with the different fascinating guests. And when i say there's something for everyone here. I really mean that in one episode jordan talks to a hostage negotiator from the fbi who offers techniques and hard to get people to like and trust you which sounds useful and disturbing at the same time. Another episode tells a story of a cinematographer who discovered a lost city in the jungle and may one of the most important archaeological finds of the century. Some of his other. Podcasts are help i'm married. A conspiracy theorist and how to help your suicidal partner. Jordan's always focus on pulling useful practical insights out of his brilliant guess. And i'm not just talking. Pop psychology are wishy. Washy self-help stuff here. The episodes are loaded with bits of wisdom. You can use to legitimately change your mind and your life right away. I really enjoy this show and thank. You will as well there so much here. Just check out jordan. Harbinger dot com slash. Start for some episode recommendations or search the jordan harbinger. Show at apple podcasts. Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts. All right this is from tom. Twenty three in fort lauderdale. Hey family i love your show. When i perform oral sex on a girl by neck usually gets tired. What kind of muscle is that. Is there something. I can do to work it out and make it stronger. So we'll get as tired during oral all right so a lot of us get uncomfortable during sex. Give weird neck cramps or arm cramps. You're probably tensing up your your shoulders. You're holding tension in your neck in a position where you're so into the moment i hope of ravishing your girl that you don't realize that you're not actually breathing. You're not in a comfortable position. So i would get some pillows. I would get cushions and try to find a different position and make sure that your head is supported so you can actually give oral sex and feel good about it. You could also have her sit on your face and you have a pillow under your neck and you're just sitting there doing the work you could even when you're home right now. Just if you're not with your you could think about it. Like put yourself into that position that hurts and then think what do i need in this moment to feel more comfortable and you could try other positions she could be standing up. You could be on your knees. She could be lying on the bed. And you're like leaning over her charted think about ways that you can be comfortable and still have easy access k. Thanks tom. This is from e from instagram. Twenty she's a female. I love you and your podcast emily. I'm commit to a problem. I believe i've had for a long time. I'm gonna attractive twenty year old female and i watch extreme pornography lesbian prolapse gay men visiting lesbian history. And it disgusts me. Every time i watch and finish. I hate myself. I think this is not normal. I can't have an orgasm ever without watching porn. I hate that. I can never be satisfied completely sacks i enjoy sex but because i've been desensitized i can't come. I've tried to stop. But i keep watching it because i can't orgasm without either watching something far out or thinking about it. I'm asking if you have advice how to stop. I can reach the big with the guy right. This is a common thing that's happening now with. A lot of us are escalating. The kind of porn watching gets to an extreme place and then we realized i can't orgasm without it. So what do we do. Let's talk about the fact that you're twenty years old and you're already writing in for some help on this which is great and you are not doomed in doesn't mean this is the only way you're going to be able to get off but sometimes we need a little discipline and we have to challenge ourselves to break habits. That aren't working for us so we can think about here. I is when you're masturbating. What's going on right before a stressed you happy. Do you have an extra minute or using it to relieve tension or stress. Because i'm not gonna pathology is the fact that you masturbate or watch porn. It's important for you to think like what are you trying to avoid though. 'cause sometimes watching porn isn't about porn. It's about taking your attention away from something or maybe distracting yourself for your coming our self medicating and you could even do practice of. I'm watching porn instead of feeling blank and fill that in and get present to what's happening in the moment when you reach for this extreme porn and then like any other or trying to change you to substitute it with another behavior that is similar effect. Is there something else that kind of can get you that same feeling like working out. Cardio what helps you feel alive and delated besides orgasm you can also join a community. There's communities of people who want to quit watching porn and you can find them at like sub rights online for people who've kind of can talk about all the things that they've done and then i'm not saying you don't have to masturbate but what you're saying is you tried and you're watching and then it got worse. You tried not to be an orgasm. So i want you to also think about besides porn. What really turns you on. I mean. I always practiced doing some mindful masturbation where you're really sitting with yourself. You can go through the mental library of images and partners. You could notice things in your environment that turned you on an even notice in your body. That's masturbation without the goal of orgasm though it might happen in the goal is exploration exploring your body looking for what turns you on discovering other erogenous zones. That's what it's all about okay. Life is not over. Just take a few of these steps and see what you can do to get a handle on it and learn more about yourself. And then i promise you'll be able to move on and have awesome sex. This is from david. Thirty five in nebraska. Hey dr emily thirty five. I've been married for four years a little over a year ago. My wife told me that she was beginning to feel distant. I've been traveling for work. And she was lonely then she started to get used to the loneliness and felt that maybe she wanted to be alone. We tried couples therapy and that was somewhat helpful helpful for me because it was the push i needed to ask for recommendations from my own therapist. Everything seems to be going well. But then three months ago my wife asked for separation out of nowhere. She said she felt that. Maybe we had too many differences and that she just didn't feel connected. It was painfully apparent during sex. Where i also sometimes continue struggle with anxiety. I've since moved into my own place but we're currently in limbo. She says she loves me but doesn't know what she wants. We're not yet seeking a divorce. But i realized how few couples come back from a separation. I don't know what to do while i wait for her to figure out. What else can i be doing all right. Well i love. You are in therapy and i think the most important thing that you can do right now is work on yourself. If you found a therapist you like go every week. Like it's your job because it is take time to process before. What do i want to get out of today's session. When you leave right down notes about what you from the session and you could think about during the week. We invest a lot in therapy and sure we could just show up for fifty minutes or we could really use it like it's a class or something it's a course or taking in your earnings certificate and you are the subject matter but i think as we just kind of the go therapy i gotta go in. Go out this glad over with. But if you're looking at your therapy like that you need to find a new therapist or you need to clear space in your calendar so you can really look at it like another project because you're not going to say you could go buyer flowers and go sweeper offer feet again and do all these things. She's gotta figure her stuff out..
"emily" Discussed on Sex With Emily
"Is for michael. Hey dr emily. I thanks particularly question. I've been so confused. I didn't even know. If i should send this my wife. And i've been married for over. Twenty four years recently was performing oral on her and in the middle of the act. She said i don't know why you like doing that. I don't like it. I was floored it was like a gut punch after twenty four years. My wife was a virgin when we got together. One of the first things we did was. I had experience with it over the years. She's had multiple orgasms during the act as well as other methods. I can't get out of my head now. I love doing oral as if it's a part of me that thought of doing it to someone who doesn't like the act does nothing for me. I feel like i'm mourning. The loss of a loved one before she made the statement. The previous i was really into the oral. And i kissed her after i did it. And that's what she said. Gross drought. I apologize and said i wouldn't kiss her again after but now i believe she's always thought it was gross despite the orgasms or the kiss i never be able to give her oral again. I'm just uncomfortable and won't be the same. Please help thank you. Okay michael. Listen you've been with your wife for twenty four years so long time and so. I think this isn't something that you have to figure out on your own. You could calmly talk to her outside the bedroom when you guys are in a good vibe you can you know i always talk about timing turf tone. Have the conversation from curious and open place. Then you could say you know. I heard what you said the other night about not liking oral dot warning oral. And i'd love to know more about that. Can you just let me know when that started. Or is there something i could do to make it better or just you could just say. Tell me more about that. And maybe you'll find out. Well she'd never really liked it or maybe she's having pain now so it hurts and maybe she's ashamed that she has pain which a lot of women feel like they should have pain or they just grin and bear it. I don't know what's find out. We've no idea but you are going right to this. Oh my god. It's not going to happen again. Dooms me my life is over no like anything. If your wife came down one day and said let's say every single friday night you have chicken. And she came downstairs and said i hate chicken. I'm never eating chicken again and we are done and you're like bay but we have chicken every night for twenty years when you say why was it chicken do we just don't know how to handle it. It's okay to have conversations about sex with people you're having sex with people you're naked invulnerable have children with our lives with if you're not gonna talk to them about it how you ever gonna know if it can improve where you get your needs met. I'm just encouraging wall to start a new practice talking about sex in a healthy way. Okay this is from a female on instagram. Is it normal to cry during or after sex especially during times of intense stress in life. Yes it's so normal to cry crying. After sex zuma's post coiled this fauria that includes tearfulness sadness and irritability after consensual sex. Even if it was perfectly satisfying and there's many reasons why we cry during sex and this is for all genders men. Cry women cry after sex. It's intense to be with someone we're naked. Were vulnerable in. We've been intense physical pleasure. It can definitely overwhelm our bodies so it would make sense that you might cry. There's also a biological response. Could be hormonal changes. That happened during sex which can lead to intense emotions and kring is also really healthy. It can reduce tension and intensify physical arousal. And maybe if you have been in a dry spell for a while this has happened to me and you suddenly let go of all that pent up energy. That could also bring you to tears. Now listen you might cried tears because you have pain with sex and if you've painting sex that's a whole nother conversation and we talk about that a lot on the show. My advice for you is just a right out that tears. And it's okay to cry and i'm going to sue yet with a partner who fully embraces it because i know when i've cried after sex my partners find it pretty awesome free and if they are explaining. Oh no it's good. I'm just feeling so much. Tears are healing cry this week. It's good for you. This is from owen thirty five in the united kingdom. Hi dr emily. I'm a married man. And i have a daughter. I'm a family man. But i'm forever questioning my sexuality. I'm turned on by men. And i only looked at gay porn and i get really turned on other porn. Doesn't do it for me. I can have sex with women. It's just not the same. I love my wife more than anything. I don't think i could be romantically involved with a man. It's never happened. So i'm unsure i've always said i'm bisexual leaning towards men but i'm forever asking myself. Am i gay. And in denial the messed up part is i genuinely love. My wife and i'm happy. I'd never cheat on her. Just beating myself up. Have i lied to myself for so long that i believe i'm not gay. Could i be sexually gay and romantically straight and to finish if i was gay. My fear is in being gay. It would be the upset. I would 'cause my wife and family the pain for her please help. Here's the thing owen. Thank you for your heartfelt vulnerable. Really descriptive message. I feel like i know where you're at. There's a few things going on here. Perhaps you were raised in a really religious home growing up or environment and people who were gay. Were not accepted. It wasn't okay. People around you maybe weren't out is gay and perhaps at a really young age before you even could be aware of it. You got the message. It wasn't okay to be gay. And so you repressed feelings that you had towards men found a wonderful woman that you love deeply and you got married when we're gay bisexual pan sexual however you wanna call it when we've attractions to people other than our spouse or other than the gender that we thought we'd be attracted to it really can be troubling. It doesn't just go away. You're getting older. You're thirty five now and you can't get out of your head. You ever heard the saying whatever. We resist persists phil. This is a great example of that. Unfortunately things don't just disappear after we think about them for too long they actually get more and more intense because we're pushing him down or pushing him down and they just get bigger and bigger and expand so. I recommend you see a sex therapist because therapy would create way for you to process this all so you don't have to do it on your own. Now let's say it wasn't that you grew up in an environment like that or it hasn't been part of your development as a human and maybe you're bisexual and you truly have sex with your wife and you still crave men and i'm working towards a world where we can all express our desires to our partners. Our fantasies are fetishes. The things that were into and we have a better dialogue to process it and realized that it doesn't have to mean the end of our marriage it doesn't have to mean infidelity. You don't love me anymore. I believe in the possibility of being attracted to many different kinds of people. And maybe sometimes at once and so there is a chance once you go to therapy you processes that perhaps your wife you get some tools together and you talk to your wife. And maybe she'll be okay with strict boundaries and understanding. It and i know you're probably thinking your wife's can be like hell. No she's gonna think. I'm getting kicked me out of the house and that's the other thing i wanna say so many of us go to this extreme place that partner would never do it and you're right but it's likely because they don't have a lot of information maybe you haven't slowed down to express to them why you have a certain fantasy y you wanna try something. 'cause it's also kafer for owen to say to his wife when he's ready. It's part of my eroticism that i developed at a young age. Whatever you figure out your and your journey owen and it's part of what turns me on sexually you still turn me on and it's something that i want to explore and i feel like i love you. You're my wife. I wanna be with you forever. But i'm unsettled in a way. And i don't feel like i'm truly living my sexual truth and let take a few conversations. Maybe she says hell no but then you're further along to dealing with issue. That's been troubling you for years. Okay owen let me know how it goes. I know this isn't easy. I just think the world is changing and we're understanding and seeing more examples of people in alternative relationships that they get to decide what works for them not based on any government law or societal norms. This is from paul. Hey after emily. I have a quick question for you..