6 Burst results for "Dr Ellen Hendrickson"

525 - Nutrition Tips for New College Grads

The Nutrition Diva's Quick and Dirty Tips for Eating Well and Feeling Fabulous

05:09 min | 2 years ago

525 - Nutrition Tips for New College Grads

"Pushing Hello and welcome. To the nutrition diva podcast. I'm your host, Monica reindel. And today, I have a special episode with some tips for new grads. Today's episode is supported by Liverpool Los Angeles, offering premium denim for under one hundred dollars. No matter your body type or shape, you will comfortable in Liverpool jeans. They have the perfect amount of stretch adapting to your body, but also keeping their shape all day and Liverpool also offers a broad selection of trousers tops, blazers jackets, great colors and styles. Get twenty five percents off your purchase when you use the code diva twenty-five at Liverpool jeans dot com that's Liverpool jeans dot com with the code diva twenty five. It's may and that means that a whole bunch of you just graduated from college. Congratulations. Now, whether you're going to be starting a new job or going on to grad school heading overseas or even moving back in with mom and dad, this is a great opportunity to establish some healthy, new routines and habits and this week. I have some tips. For new grads on how to start this new chapter of your life on the right foot? Even if time money and space are tight step one is to set up a healthy kitchen. You certainly don't need a kitchen full of expensive appliances and high end cookware in order to make healthy meals in terms of cookware start with just a couple of saucepans one medium sized and one large and eight to ten inch Skillet preferably one that can go in the oven or under the broiler a big mixing bowl, which also doubles as a salad bowl a baking dish like the one your mom uses for lasagna and a larger. AM d- baking sheet, that's pretty much all you need. Now. My desert island list of essential cooking implements would also include to sharp knives. One large one small a whisk a box greater a vegetable peeler, a stranger or a colander a pair of tongs and a rubber spatula step to now that you've got your kitchen equipped. It's time to stock that pantry. Here's some tips for grocery shopping like appro, I suggest starting in the produce section and choosing whatever's particularly fresh appealing, and or well priced, but as you make your selections think about what you might serve with each one of those, and whether you might need any additional items for those meals or recipes, for example, is kale on sale this week will why not throw together a hearty, kale and white bean soup. So now, be sure to grab an onion or two before you leave the produce section and make a mental note to pick up some white beans when you get to that I'll or. Or if you're as easily distracted as I am at the grocery store, you might wanna make an actual note on your shopping list. Now, there's nothing more demoralizing than buying a bunch of fresh food. And then having it spoil before you get to it. If you're only going to get to the grocery store once or twice a week, be sure to buy some ingredients with a longer shelf life and then plan to consume the short-lived stuff first fresh fish, for example, should ideally be eaten the day, you buy it. But frozen shrimp can be kept in the freezer until you need them berries, fresh herbs and delicate lettuces may only keep a day or two but apples citrus fruit winter squash. Any kind of frozen vegetables will keep much longer as you get more comfortable in the kitchen you'll quickly. Discover the wisdom of keeping certain basic items in stock all the time for example, having a couple of versatile cheeses on hand makes it easier to whip up last minute meals and particularly handy options include fettuccine to crumble. On salads mozzarella to sprinkle on homemade pizza, and maybe a brick of cheddar or Monterey, Jack for a quick case DEA or for Totta, the other foods that I always keep on hand include eggs, dried and canned beans, canned tomatoes, canned tuna or salmon chicken stock rice keen, while Bulger or any other kind of whole grain some pasta olive oil balsamic vinegar when I use the last of any one of those immediately put it on my list to by the next time. I met the store you would be amazed at how many different meals can be concocted out of this shortlist of Staples. Plus some fresh vegetables now before we go onto steps three and four award from this week's sponsors. I wanna tell you about another podcast. I think you'll really like it's called savvy psychologist every week. Dr Ellen Hendrickson shares evidence based research to help you get through life's challenges. Just like my show it's short and sweet full of. Article tips that you can take with you. There are great episodes that answer questions, you might have wondered about like, why do we often feel so much better when we get out of the house and into nature, and when we feel disappointed and discouraged by things in our lives. Like, for instance, underperforming on our goals. What's the best way to deal with that? And how can you tell whether you should keep

Liverpool Monica Reindel Dr Ellen Hendrickson Monterey Los Angeles DEA Bulger Totta Jack One Hundred Dollars Ten Inch
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

07:42 min | 2 years ago

"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

"Everyone and welcome back to savvy psychologist, I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson. And as always I'll help you meet life's challenges with evidence based research a sympathetic ear and zero judgement. So listener Morrow from Argentina wrote in and noted that recently, he hasn't been enjoying things the way he used to it's as if nothing really matters anymore. So like most of us he asked Dr Google for information and discovered a new term and had Donio. So what exactly is Antonio? Well, if hedonism the concept, not the clothing optional resort in Jamaica is the pursuit of pleasure, and gratification anhedonia is it's opposite. The brain's ability to feel joy satisfaction or enjoyment gets put on mute. There's little to no motivation to see friends get going or otherwise do the things we love, and it feels like. Nothing to look forward to. Plus, what's the point? Anyway, all in all Antonio feels like that moment in the wizard of Oz. When Dorothy steps from her black and white world into technicolor except in reverse. Now Antonio can be part of PTSD substance abuse schizophrenia, and even Parkinson's disease. But the granddaddy of Antonia is depression and study in the American journal of psychiatry found that ninety five percent of people with major depression reported, a loss of interest or pleasure of virtual vapors ation of joy from their lives. Now, it is not random that. The study used those two particular words interest or pleasure. Those two concepts are actually quite different and Ella straight how antidote packs. A one two punch how well it turns out. There are two types of enjoyment. Anticipatory also known as wanting and consummate Ori also known as liking. So think of the difference between looking forward to a vacation and actually being on vacation. There's the excitement of planning and imagining what you'll do and how you'll feel beforehand. But then there's the pleasure of the moment. How you feel when you're finally on the beach with your Mahyco riding up the ski lift or hiking down the trail in search of blissful lack of cell phone coverage. But in anhedonia both wanting and liking or muted without wanting you may not look forward to things or you might feel unmotivated. You can't see the reward or. Pleasure at the end of the road. So why bother going down at in the first place then without liking. You may take no joy in things. You usually love. It's when a superfan doesn't care if his team wins the social butterfly withdraws from her friends or the avid gardener. Let's his roses. Go to seed things we usually love even food or sex become one big ma-. So even if you try and you try, but you can't get no satisfaction. What should you do and had Donia is tough to beat? But it can be done. So this week here are two big ways to lift the fog tip number one is do what you like and value, even if you don't feel like it. So the way out of Antonio is counter-intuitively through the back door. Don't wait until you feel better to do the things you love. Instead do what you used to love even if you don't feel like. This is hard. It is easy to get pulled down the swirling drain of inactivity and apathy because your brain and body get under stimulated so breaking the cycle and actually doing something takes a lot of effort, especially if you felt depressed for a long time. Luckily, doing what you used to love can be accomplished on many scales. Start with a small thing that takes two minutes like playing with your dog making homemade hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream or blast in your favorite song. Whatever it is doesn't have to be big. It may feel like just a drop, but drop by drop you can fill an ocean next. If you can't stomach being around people just yet. That's fine. Stay in and do things you love make brownies. Do some online yoga work on your tar riffs or watch a comedy special, but don't over rely on the screen time. The point is to be intentional and deliberately do things. Enjoy and are in line with your values now eventually schedule things that get you out of the house. Even if you don't see the point except your friends invitation to get tacos go for a hike, or as in one of my favorite client stories. Sign up for the Mr. leather contest at the corner gay bar and to your surprise win. Now, psychologists call all this behavioral activation, and if it sounds like fake it till you make it you're right. It may feel fake fleeting or hopeless at first. But the reason it works is because it sets up a positive feedback loop the brain affects your behavior, but the Havener also affects your brain. So do the things you love, even if you don't feel the effects right away. Just like the velveteen rabbit. It's fake until it becomes real. Now. Here's the big asterisk don't use this technique to be productive get stuff done or motivate to do stuff. You hate the only goals in behavioral activation are meaning and happiness. So don't use it to do your taxes or motivate to do your laundry. Okay. So here is a challenge. I get asked a lot. What if you've been depressed for so long? You can't remember what you like to do. Well, in this case think back to childhood what did you love then and do that? Again, if you loved riding your bike plunk a helmet on your head and go for a spin around the neighborhood or for the grown up version. Sign up for a spin class bonus points if you get ice cream afterwards. Did you love to draw take studio art class or bring your sketch book to your favorite coffeeshop, do these things even if it feels like you're just going through the motions it won't feel the same as when you're healthy? But it will likely feel better than doing nothing at all. If nothing else getting out of the house will keep you from sliding further into the depths, the take home, don't leave these. Actions to chance purposefully schedule activities you love and value. Even if the forces of gravity get rarely strong right around your couch when it's time to put on your shoes. There will be a million reasons not to go, but do your best not to listen to them back with tip number two after the break. The original true body bra by true and co dot com is the bra people are talking about over half a million people have bought it. And swear by it. It's made with proprietary fabric that gives you the support you need plus it has no wires. So it's super comfortable and the soft fabric. Smooz you out in all the right places. I tried one. And not only does it have no wires. It also has no hooks. No, itchy labels. And none of those slider things on the straps. And you know, how sometimes you don't realize something is bothering you until it's gone. That was exactly what happened. It was so comfortable and other people agree with me the today show calls it game changing and good housekeeping says the ultimate lounge bra so

Antonio Dr Ellen Hendrickson Dr Google Argentina Jamaica anhedonia American journal of psychiatry PTSD Ori Dorothy Ella Mahyco Donia Antonia depression Parkinson ninety five percent two minutes
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

07:25 min | 2 years ago

"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

"Welcome back. It's savvy psychologist, I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson. And as always I'll healthy meat. Life's challenges with evidence based research a sympathetic ear and zero judgment. Everybody needs a break and two great inventions that speak to that need are the weekend. And the vacation both of which have distinct beginning and end but break in the middle of the workday is a more elusive challenge because deadlines demanding bosses guilt and sheer workload often make us power through we eat lunch while catching up on Email and consider a walk to the bathroom a luxury on the other hand, even if we value and prioritize breaks, sometimes they go off the rails unintentionally shape, shifting into a momentum killing two our rabbit hole of online shopping one more round of snake versus block or BuzzFeed quizzes anyone for a round of we can guess your color based on the trip. If you plan to Michigan anyone either way stopping to stare out the window or wander the halls at work may seem lazy guilty do seen willpower taxing or logistically impossible, however done right breaks can boost focus. Recharge your batteries and make you more productive. Not to mention happier. So should be meditate knockout, some burpee watch the latest SNL cold open stare out the window pester Q mate, or none of the above. How to do it? Right. Well, this week here are seven ways to make those few minutes really count. Tip number one is the basics any break is better than no break. So for anyone who so over scheduled that lunch consists of wolfing down a protein bar in a bathroom stall. Let's make it clear that taking a brake any brake is better than power in through a study in applied cognitive psychology. Ran a head to head comparison of five different kinds of breaks. Everyone was asked to focus on a task that required sustained attention for forty five minutes and in the middle. Participants took a five minute break to play on their phone. Sit in silence, listen to a cold place on watch a cold play video because apparently even researchers crush on Chris Martin or choose between the song and the video and compared to the group that took no break at all performance was better in every single one of the break conditions, and this makes sense after all hell, much productivity. You realist get out of that fifth straight. Our of studying. For your calculus exam taking a break. Whether it's quiet or loud, mindless remindful is better than nothing tip number to make your break different than your work. Everyone has that coworker. Who's Cologne makes your eyes water? But even though you can smell the drac hard war before he enters a conference room. He has no idea. Why? Well, it's a trick of the brain called habituation just like folks who live next two busy streets. Stop hearing the traffic or you tune now notifications because your phone pins all day long. We all tend to screen out sustained stimuli, and researchers from the university of Illinois hypothesize that even when we're actively attending to stimuli like a work project or other tasks they dub cognitive goals, we still habituate as time goes by making task unrelated thoughts, aka distractions more active, therefore, the researchers proposed that quote deactivating cognitive goal. In other words. Taking a break can keep habituation from occurring. And after the break the goal can be reactivated therefore for your break. Do something one hundred eighty degrees different than what you were doing. So for those of us who stare at a screen all day that rules out taking a break by staring at your phone. So instead doing something physical like a few jumping jacks going for a walk to pick up lunch at the type place down the street or strolling across the building to rehash the bachelor with jasmine from HR will benefit you more than playing love balls on your phone, again, love balls is better than no break at all tip number three counter-intuitively take breaks that keep you in work mindset. Okay. So we've talked about productive procrastination on the podcast before like unloading the dishwasher getting your insta- cart shopping done or catching up on that nonfiction book. You've been meaning to read it feels like you're getting something done, even if it's not the big thing with the looming deadline that you're. Supposed to be working on now productive procrastination may be full of pitfalls. But the very same types of tasks productive, but easy like sorted in the mail or searching online for plane tickets can be perfect for taking a break productive tasks that don't require much brainpower, but still provide contrast to your work can downshift your ears without taking you out of a work mindset. Now back in tip. Number two. We talked about making your break contrast with your work, but an activity that contrast with your work ethic, virtually guarantees, you'll still be watching honest trailers on YouTube Forty-five minutes later, therefore test outbreaks that don't break your productivity momentum walk across the hall to chat with your co worker about a project, reschedule your dentist appointment, or if you work from home throw a load of laundry into the machine. Annalong gourmet cookware can bring your inspiration to life on the dinner table. Whether you're gourmet cook or bake off or the Baker. They've got you covered. With everything from expertly crafted cookware, bakeware, cast-iron stoneware cutlery, tools and gadgets, you might try the analog advanced collection. It's twice as hard as stainless steel and with nonstick surfaces. It is easy to clean or you could try out the new Ville, copper looks collection with a copper base that looks beautiful and functions perfectly whatever collection you choose you can rest easy. Knowing your gourmet cookware will last for years to come all analog products are protected with a lifetime warranty. So I use analog cookware every day it heats quickly and evenly never sticks. And cleanup is shockingly easy. It's perfect for everything from quick scrambled eggs to homemade stock that simmers for a couple of days. So shop an-and at Macy's in store or it. Macys dot com. That's A N O L O N an-and designed. For creativity in the kitchen. Today's episode is sponsored by blinking the only app that condenses thousands of nonfiction books into the best key takeaways and need to know information. So you can read or listen to them in just fifteen minutes, the library is massive and constantly growing with titles, including self help business, health and history and titles. I'm excited to read like start with why by Simon cynic plus classics like how to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie blankets, makes it easy to get. The key essentials from a book during a short commute a workout for while cooking or cleaning. So join the eight million people who are using it right now. And for a limited time Lincoln has a special offer. Just for you. Go to blink dot com slash savvy to start your free seven-day trial. That's blinking B. L I N K. I S T Lincoln dot com slash savvy to start your seven day trial,

health and history Dr Ellen Hendrickson SNL Michigan Chris Martin university of Illinois Dale Carnegie YouTube Macy Simon cynic Lincoln Annalong one hundred eighty degrees Forty-five minutes forty five minutes fifteen minutes five minute seven day seven-day
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

08:51 min | 3 years ago

"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

"Welcome back to sevi- psychologist. I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson. And as always I'll help you. Meet life's challenges with evidence based research a sympathetic ear end zero judgment. This week's episode is brought to you by the new podcast Josie. Johnny are having a baby with you. If you're a parent thinking of becoming one or just want to laugh a lot. This is the podcast for you. It follows comedians Josie long and Johnny Donahoe through they're not totally planned pregnancy as they prepare for the birth of their first child. Luckily, they've network of friends to help them figure things out including fellow comedians. John Hodgman and Eugene Merman and CNN contributor. Rachel sklar. Who wants almost managed to hide she was nursing her baby. On live TV subscribe to Josie, John you're having a baby with you in your favorite podcast app. So this week an anonymous listener from. Brooklyn wrote in and wondered if she should tell people about her social anxiety. She gets anxious when people watch her eat or drink, especially if she doesn't know them. Well, and she wonders if it would be helpful just to announce it like sometimes eating in restaurants makes me nervous, or if that would just elicit raised eyebrows. And awkward questions. So coming out about your mental health can be tough in any situation. Should you disclose to colleagues to friends on a first date on the twentieth date to your Michael Scott esque boss, anyway, you slice it? It's a tough decision only you can make and many people stay silent because they intimidate projection judgment or outright discrimination. But others decide to disclose to gain support exercise, their civil rights and break, the stigma and for what it's worth there's already a whole lot of disclosing going on even with a heavy topic. Specifically suicidal thoughts among individuals living with schizo fr? Nia bipolar disorder or major depression. A study led by university of southern California. Researchers found that seventy seven percent of participants had already disclosed to someone in their social network and every single person one hundred percent plan to reach out if suicidal thoughts ever came back, but it's still a hard decision disclosures. Like diamonds are forever. They can't be unseen just like that uncanny resemblance between the monopoly guy and the guy on the Pringles can or maybe that's just me the bowtie the mustache anyone regardless this week. Let's think through whether or not to disclose your mental health. Plus, how to do it in a style that works for you? All right. First up is a study out of King's College London, which pilot tested a decision aid for people pondering whether or not disclose their mental illness to employers, and there was much to think about. Including these four points. So point number one was consider your needs. So what compels you to speak up? Do you want encouragement and understanding do you feel burdened or isolated by a secret? Maybe you need help finding a doctor or want your buddies to understand why you're not drinking anymore. Maybe you could benefit from the reasonable accommodations mandated by the Americans with Disabilities Act amendments act of two thousand eight so for instance, like a few hours of flextime each week to attend therapy or breaks dictated by need rather than buy the clock, regardless. Think about your end goal. What do you need or want out of the conversation point number two is to reflect on your values? So each person who discloses helps chip away at the silence and stigma around mental illness, but you may not feel ready to bear that responsibility. And that is okay. So think about your own values. Maybe you've. Valued being open and candid, or maybe you value your privacy. Now in addition examine your values and beliefs about mental illness itself challenge, any notion that you are somehow week for needing help and questioned feelings of guilt or shame around having mental health struggles in the first place. Point number three in the study was to list the pros and cons of speaking up. And the pros and cons of keeping quiet now because you are a human being you probably have mixed feelings about disclosure, you may want to be open with your friend, but worry, she'll slowly back away from your friendship. You may be concerned about stigma at work, but worried that unexplained symptoms might endanger your job, even more. So to get some clarity list out. Not only the pros and cons of telling. But also the pros and cons of staying quiet. And you might think that the pros of tallying or just a mirror image of the cons of not telling. But you'd be surprised at what helpful nuances can pop up and point number four was think about whom to tell because disclosing doesn't mean telling everyone, you don't have to commission a Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade balloon or airplane advertising banner to announce the news about your mental health. You can tell. I'll just one person. And if that goes, well, maybe tell another it's all up to you. When you're just starting out begin with someone who would love and support you even if you disclosed that you enjoy dressing up as SpongeBob and mooing at the full moon because a good first experience. Lease a solid foundation for tougher disclosures. Also, consider the emotional savvy or the psychological mindedness of each person. If your boss makes Mr. burns, look understanding, it might be better to start with HR. If your school click is full of slither ins play it close to the vest. Of course, even the crusty est of people may surprise you. But in general, you're not gonna get blood or support from turnip next. How to disclose after the break? Analog gourmet cookware can bring your inspiration to life on the dinner table. Whether you're a gourmet cook or bake off worthy. Baker. They've got you covered. With everything from expertly crafted cookware bakeware, cast iron stoneware, colori, tools and gadgets. You might try the end LAN advanced collection. It's twice as hard as stainless steel and with nonstick surfaces. It's easy to clean or you could try out the new Vel, copper luxe collection with a copper base that looks beautiful and functions perfectly whatever collection you choose you can rest easy. Knowing your gourmet cookware will last for years to come. Because all analog products are protected with a lifetime warranty. I use analog cookware every day. It heats quickly and evenly never sticks. And cleanup shockingly easy. It's perfect for everything from quick scrambled eggs to homemade stock that simmers for a couple of days. So shop analog at Macy's in store or macys dot com. An-and? That's a n o l o n designed for creativity in the kitchen. The original true body. Brought by true and co dot com is the bra people are talking about over half a million people have fought it. And swear by it. It's made with proprietary fabric that gives you the support you need plus it has no wires. So it's too comfortable and the soft fabric you out in all the right places. So I tried one and not only does it have no wires. It also has no hooks. No, itchy labels. And none of those slider things on the straps. And you know, how sometimes you don't realize something is bothering you until it's gone. That was exactly what happened. It was so comfortable and other people agree with me the today show calls it game changing and good housekeeping says it's the ultimate lounge bra so try the original true body broth from true and co today with free and easy returns. Say fifteen percent when you go to true and co dot com slash savvy and enter the code savvy. That's T R U E. A n d CO dot com slash savvy and the code savvy. Now, something the King's College London study doesn't address is how to disclose which may be the trickiest part of all while you can't control others reactions. You can control how you present. It you get to set the tone. You can make it serious and in-depth offhand and light or anything in between. You can dip a toe in to see what reaction you get or to mix. My metaphors rip off the band aid. All at once if you're not sure what feels right rehearse beforehand

Josie long Macy Johnny Donahoe John Hodgman sevi Dr Ellen Hendrickson CNN Rachel sklar university of southern Califor Eugene Merman Pringles Brooklyn Michael Scott King's College London King SpongeBob
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

11:27 min | 3 years ago

"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

"Hi, everyone and welcome back to savvy psychologist, I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson, and you know, the drill. Al hope you meet life's challenges with evidence based research a sympathetic ear and zero judgment. And as you can probably hear this week. I am getting over a cold. I feel fine. But my voice insists on doing its best impression of a frog. In the meantime, so hang in there with me. And here we go. So today's episode is brought to you by the new podcast fill in the blanks. You know, Dr Phil one of Oprah's most famous friends and frequent collaborators and now you can hear a whole new side of him with his podcast fill in the blanks. That's Phil PH L. So here all new no-holds-barred conversations with celebrities like Vivica, a FOX Kathy Bates and Steve Harvey, plus expert neurosurgeons and lifespan. There's so listen to fill in the blanks on your favorite podcast app, and be sure to subscribe. So this week. Let's talk about how to make a relationship last. 'cause Melwood may have brought you together. But after the clergyman with the speech, impediment instructs you to treasurer your love what next. Well, whether you're married cohabitating or simply in it for the long haul any committed relationship needs a few tools to make it through the years. So this week here are seven. Science back secrets to make your long term relationship. Feel more. Like our Bruno Mars, Mary you flash mob and less like the theme song from married with children. So let's start out with secret number one, which is be your own person. Okay. So before sharing your life with another adult. It's important to have spent some time adulting yourself, you don't have to have your life cross indexed color coded, but it is important to have separated in a healthy way from your family of origin. So if your alarm clock is a phone, call from mom, or you don't get know how to do your own laundry. Invest the time to get your life on solid footing before merging it with another humans. Secret. Number two is be a team. Now. Some problems seem on solvable a fundamental difference in parenting styles in curable, slobby tude or opposite values around money. But the least constructive approach to sticky problems is to blame each other and fight it out. So instead, try and approach called unified detachment unified detachment is a fundamental shift in perspective that joins you and your partner together against the problem. So rather than approaching a problem as you against your crazy unreasonable partner approach the situation as the two of you United against the challenge. So for example, what should we do to save money for the future or how can we work together to fight less secret? Number three is outweighed the negatives with positives. So a classic study out of the university of Washington asked heterosexual newly. Lead couples to discuss a hot button issue in their relationship for fifteen minutes, and the headline making results found that divorce could be predicted from just the first three minutes of the couple's argument and the key. It turned out was the balance of negative and positive interactions. So in their three minute discussion clips spouses in stable relationships, not careening towards divorce predictably display, the less negative affect like contempt. Belligerence anger defensiveness or whining and more positive affect like validation affection and humor. All right. That makes sense. But interestingly for the husband's examining, the entire fifteen minutes of the argument amplified the ability to predict divorce so over the course of the fifteen minutes, husbands in stable, marriages got a little more negative, but they simultaneously stayed positive always making jokes listening and being affectionate. By contrast, husbands in marriages that would eventually end in divorce got increasingly negative and less positive over the fifteen minutes by the end calling their spouse by cute, nickname or validating. Her viewpoint. Went out the window now later the same research lab developed the magic ratio for a healthy relationship for every negative interaction. They advise you need five positive interactions. In other words, stable couples do argue, but that arguing is filled with joking and teasing and listening and love. Secret. Number four be equal a study in the American journal of sociology found that couples it gala -tarian relationships are less likely to divorce than couples where one brings home the bacon and the other cooks it up. So how do you make things more gala -tarian? It's not as simple as splitting up the chores along traditional gender lines. Because a study in the journal marriage and family review differentiated between low control and high control tasks now, low control tasks are named as such because there is little control or choice in the matter. They have to be done more or less continuously like loading and unloading, the dishwasher at specific times like making dinner or on demand. Like changing a diaper, high control tasks by contrast can be done when it's convenient. And they have a specific beginning and end like mowing the lawn or doing a home repair. So traditionally low control tasks have been designated as women's while high control. Tasks have been labelled as men's therefore to increase gala terrorism. Take a page from many same sex relationships and divvy up tasks by interest and value rather than by gender. So for example, the social butterfly takes responsibility for play dates and social events, the foodie makes dinner or does the grocery shopping, and the tasks no one wants, well, you have three options outsource work around because no one has to water plants if you don't have any or divide them up, and even if the dividing ends up falling along gender lines as long as you decided on those assignments together you'll go a long way towards shrinking resent. Now as a PS in families with kids. There's an avalanche of kid related invisible. Labor scheduling play dates, researching pediatricians ordering soccer uniforms and then returning them when they don't fit and in heterosexual relationships this keeping track of. A thousand and one things usually falls to the woman. So how does this get started? Well, it's been argued that it partially starts with maternity leave. It takes time and practice to gain expertise in task. So when mom's are given a leave of absence, but dads are not mom's gained singular expertise during those hundreds of hours with baby. And then that gap never gets closed. The solution paternal leave. Indeed Pew Research survey found that sixty nine percent of Americans believe fathers should receive paid parental leave which would help level the playing field. So if your job offers, parental leave not just maternity leave take full advantage. And if it doesn't do your best to divide up kid tasks evenly from day one. Annalong gourmet cookware can bring your inspiration to life on the dinner table. Whether you're a gourmet cook or bake off where the Baker they've got you covered with everything from expertly crafted cookware bakeware, cast iron stoneware cutlery, tools and gadgets. So you might try the analog advanced collection. It's twice as hard as stainless steel and with nonstick surfaces. It's easy to clean or you could try out the new Vel copper looks collection with a copper based that looks beautiful and functions perfectly whatever collection you choose you can rest easy. Knowing your gourmet cookware will last for years to come all analog products are protected with a lifetime warranty. So I use analog cookware everyday it heats quickly and evenly. Never sticks and clean up. Is shockingly easy. Perfect for everything from quick scrambled eggs to homemade stock that simmers for a couple of days. So shop an-and at Macy's in store, or at least dot com analog. That's an oh L O N designed for creativity in the kitchen. Today's episode is sponsored by blinking. I the only app that condenses thousands of nonfiction books into the best key takeaways and need to know information. So you can read or listen to them in just fifteen minutes their library is massive and constantly growing with titles, including self help business health and history titles. I'm excited to read like the art of happiness by the Dalai Lama or happier at home by Gretchen Rubin plus classics like how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie blinking makes it easy to get the key essentials from book during a short commute, a workout or while cooking or cleaning. So join the eight million people were using it already. For a limited time blinking has a special offer. Just for you. Go to blinking dot com slash savvy to start your free seven-day trial. That's blinking B. L I N K I S T dot com slash savvy to start your seven-day trial linka stop. Com slash savvy. Next secret number five, expect a lot of your partner. But not what they can't give you. So while fairytale expectations are bound to be disappointing. A study in the journal of personality and social psychology found that marriages stay happy with a magic combination of high expectations and partners ability to reach them. So in the study couples were asked about their expectations of their relationship and next they were asked to come into the lab identify point of conflict in their relationship and work towards a solution. And researchers watched each partner argue and noted when they avoided the topic criticized or faulted, the other shirked responsibility made presumptions or were hostile. So by contrast. Researchers also noted when partner stayed on topic and furthered the resolution now when individuals had high expectations of the relationship and. Their partners could deliver that match of expectations and ability made for a happier relationship, but not everyone can rise to meet expectations when individuals had high expectations, but their partners how lousy communication skills or dirty those same high expectations set the couple up for disappointment. So the take home is expect a lot of your partner. But only what they're capable of. Secret number six is lie to yourself a little. So remember when you first fell in love, and you thought your partner was the greatest the cutest, the smartest keep them on that pedestal at least

partner Dr Phil journal of personality and soc Dr Ellen Hendrickson Bruno Mars American journal of sociology soccer university of Washington Melwood treasurer Pew Research Steve Harvey Macy Kathy Bates Vivica Oprah Annalong Gretchen Rubin Dale Carnegie
7 Secrets to a Long-Lasting Relationship

The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health

11:27 min | 3 years ago

7 Secrets to a Long-Lasting Relationship

"Hi, everyone and welcome back to savvy psychologist, I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson, and you know, the drill. Al hope you meet life's challenges with evidence based research a sympathetic ear and zero judgment. And as you can probably hear this week. I am getting over a cold. I feel fine. But my voice insists on doing its best impression of a frog. In the meantime, so hang in there with me. And here we go. So today's episode is brought to you by the new podcast fill in the blanks. You know, Dr Phil one of Oprah's most famous friends and frequent collaborators and now you can hear a whole new side of him with his podcast fill in the blanks. That's Phil PH L. So here all new no-holds-barred conversations with celebrities like Vivica, a FOX Kathy Bates and Steve Harvey, plus expert neurosurgeons and lifespan. There's so listen to fill in the blanks on your favorite podcast app, and be sure to subscribe. So this week. Let's talk about how to make a relationship last. 'cause Melwood may have brought you together. But after the clergyman with the speech, impediment instructs you to treasurer your love what next. Well, whether you're married cohabitating or simply in it for the long haul any committed relationship needs a few tools to make it through the years. So this week here are seven. Science back secrets to make your long term relationship. Feel more. Like our Bruno Mars, Mary you flash mob and less like the theme song from married with children. So let's start out with secret number one, which is be your own person. Okay. So before sharing your life with another adult. It's important to have spent some time adulting yourself, you don't have to have your life cross indexed color coded, but it is important to have separated in a healthy way from your family of origin. So if your alarm clock is a phone, call from mom, or you don't get know how to do your own laundry. Invest the time to get your life on solid footing before merging it with another humans. Secret. Number two is be a team. Now. Some problems seem on solvable a fundamental difference in parenting styles in curable, slobby tude or opposite values around money. But the least constructive approach to sticky problems is to blame each other and fight it out. So instead, try and approach called unified detachment unified detachment is a fundamental shift in perspective that joins you and your partner together against the problem. So rather than approaching a problem as you against your crazy unreasonable partner approach the situation as the two of you United against the challenge. So for example, what should we do to save money for the future or how can we work together to fight less secret? Number three is outweighed the negatives with positives. So a classic study out of the university of Washington asked heterosexual newly. Lead couples to discuss a hot button issue in their relationship for fifteen minutes, and the headline making results found that divorce could be predicted from just the first three minutes of the couple's argument and the key. It turned out was the balance of negative and positive interactions. So in their three minute discussion clips spouses in stable relationships, not careening towards divorce predictably display, the less negative affect like contempt. Belligerence anger defensiveness or whining and more positive affect like validation affection and humor. All right. That makes sense. But interestingly for the husband's examining, the entire fifteen minutes of the argument amplified the ability to predict divorce so over the course of the fifteen minutes, husbands in stable, marriages got a little more negative, but they simultaneously stayed positive always making jokes listening and being affectionate. By contrast, husbands in marriages that would eventually end in divorce got increasingly negative and less positive over the fifteen minutes by the end calling their spouse by cute, nickname or validating. Her viewpoint. Went out the window now later the same research lab developed the magic ratio for a healthy relationship for every negative interaction. They advise you need five positive interactions. In other words, stable couples do argue, but that arguing is filled with joking and teasing and listening and love. Secret. Number four be equal a study in the American journal of sociology found that couples it gala -tarian relationships are less likely to divorce than couples where one brings home the bacon and the other cooks it up. So how do you make things more gala -tarian? It's not as simple as splitting up the chores along traditional gender lines. Because a study in the journal marriage and family review differentiated between low control and high control tasks now, low control tasks are named as such because there is little control or choice in the matter. They have to be done more or less continuously like loading and unloading, the dishwasher at specific times like making dinner or on demand. Like changing a diaper, high control tasks by contrast can be done when it's convenient. And they have a specific beginning and end like mowing the lawn or doing a home repair. So traditionally low control tasks have been designated as women's while high control. Tasks have been labelled as men's therefore to increase gala terrorism. Take a page from many same sex relationships and divvy up tasks by interest and value rather than by gender. So for example, the social butterfly takes responsibility for play dates and social events, the foodie makes dinner or does the grocery shopping, and the tasks no one wants, well, you have three options outsource work around because no one has to water plants if you don't have any or divide them up, and even if the dividing ends up falling along gender lines as long as you decided on those assignments together you'll go a long way towards shrinking resent. Now as a PS in families with kids. There's an avalanche of kid related invisible. Labor scheduling play dates, researching pediatricians ordering soccer uniforms and then returning them when they don't fit and in heterosexual relationships this keeping track of. A thousand and one things usually falls to the woman. So how does this get started? Well, it's been argued that it partially starts with maternity leave. It takes time and practice to gain expertise in task. So when mom's are given a leave of absence, but dads are not mom's gained singular expertise during those hundreds of hours with baby. And then that gap never gets closed. The solution paternal leave. Indeed Pew Research survey found that sixty nine percent of Americans believe fathers should receive paid parental leave which would help level the playing field. So if your job offers, parental leave not just maternity leave take full advantage. And if it doesn't do your best to divide up kid tasks evenly from day one. Annalong gourmet cookware can bring your inspiration to life on the dinner table. Whether you're a gourmet cook or bake off where the Baker they've got you covered with everything from expertly crafted cookware bakeware, cast iron stoneware cutlery, tools and gadgets. So you might try the analog advanced collection. It's twice as hard as stainless steel and with nonstick surfaces. It's easy to clean or you could try out the new Vel copper looks collection with a copper based that looks beautiful and functions perfectly whatever collection you choose you can rest easy. Knowing your gourmet cookware will last for years to come all analog products are protected with a lifetime warranty. So I use analog cookware everyday it heats quickly and evenly. Never sticks and clean up. Is shockingly easy. Perfect for everything from quick scrambled eggs to homemade stock that simmers for a couple of days. So shop an-and at Macy's in store, or at least dot com analog. That's an oh L O N designed for creativity in the kitchen. Today's episode is sponsored by blinking. I the only app that condenses thousands of nonfiction books into the best key takeaways and need to know information. So you can read or listen to them in just fifteen minutes their library is massive and constantly growing with titles, including self help business health and history titles. I'm excited to read like the art of happiness by the Dalai Lama or happier at home by Gretchen Rubin plus classics like how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie blinking makes it easy to get the key essentials from book during a short commute, a workout or while cooking or cleaning. So join the eight million people were using it already. For a limited time blinking has a special offer. Just for you. Go to blinking dot com slash savvy to start your free seven-day trial. That's blinking B. L I N K I S T dot com slash savvy to start your seven-day trial linka stop. Com slash savvy. Next secret number five, expect a lot of your partner. But not what they can't give you. So while fairytale expectations are bound to be disappointing. A study in the journal of personality and social psychology found that marriages stay happy with a magic combination of high expectations and partners ability to reach them. So in the study couples were asked about their expectations of their relationship and next they were asked to come into the lab identify point of conflict in their relationship and work towards a solution. And researchers watched each partner argue and noted when they avoided the topic criticized or faulted, the other shirked responsibility made presumptions or were hostile. So by contrast. Researchers also noted when partner stayed on topic and furthered the resolution now when individuals had high expectations of the relationship and. Their partners could deliver that match of expectations and ability made for a happier relationship, but not everyone can rise to meet expectations when individuals had high expectations, but their partners how lousy communication skills or dirty those same high expectations set the couple up for disappointment. So the take home is expect a lot of your partner. But only what they're capable of. Secret number six is lie to yourself a little. So remember when you first fell in love, and you thought your partner was the greatest the cutest, the smartest keep them on that pedestal at least

Partner Dr Phil Journal Of Personality And Soc Dr Ellen Hendrickson Bruno Mars American Journal Of Sociology Soccer University Of Washington Melwood Treasurer Pew Research Steve Harvey Macy Kathy Bates Vivica Oprah Annalong Gretchen Rubin Dale Carnegie