19 Burst results for "Dr Ellen Hendrickson"
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health
"Welcome back. This is savvy psychologist. I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson, and helping meet life's challenges with evidence based research, a sympathetic ear and zero judgement. So listener, a deal from England wrote in and asked how he can perform better under pressure. A deal has spoken English as a second language for many years, and he has excellent communication skills. But he notes that in high pressure situations he sometimes gets anxious and the words don't come plus his accent becomes more pronounced. So what can he do to remedy this? Well, anyone who's ever been in a similar situation? And that is all of us knows how a deal feels. Even if we've done a task million times, like speak English walk up stairs, or navigate the grocery store under pressure or observation we get psyched out and lose the most basic of skills. Indeed. A friend told me that one storing a lunch interview she over thought, how to swallow and head to sit for a few moments with a mouthful of ice tea before she could collect herself and figure it out in short. It's universal pressure, whether it's pushing down on me or pressing down on you makes us second. Guess how to hold the putter work the laser pointer or pronounce niche, or is it niche, even though we usually do all those things without a thought. So what can you do in the moment? Whether trying to Ason audition, neyla presentation shoot, a free throw or spell coin Neha for the win at the national spelling bee, what can you do to pull out all the stops? Well this week, let's get it done with these three tips tip. Number one is get excited. So the researchers behind a hilarious, but solid study in the journal of experimental psychology made participants seeing the opening lines of journey's don't stop believing. But right before the small town girl took that midnight train. Each participant was a scientists say a statement at random and importantly, to try their best to believe it. They were assigned I am anxious. I am excited. I am calm. I am angry. I am sad. Or no statement at all next voice recognition software scored each performance on volume pitch and note, duration. Now what group performed worst? Well, you guessed it. The group that said, I am anxious and that makes sense, but who performed the best you might. Think that it was the group, that stated I am calm, which is what we often try to tell ourselves before big moment. But instead, it was the group that before belting where that city boy was born and raised said, I am excited. So why is this? Well before a big moment, we get physiologically activated. All bodily systems are go. And it's hard to slow racing heart and jangling nerves, even when we tell ourselves to calm down. So rather than trying to change our physiology, we can change our mindset by saying, I am excited this changes our view of the task from threat, which resulting Zaidi to an opportunity and one. We're excited about that seeing the task is something we get to do rather than something we have to do subsequently, improves our performance because after all everybody wants a thrill. Tip number two is get a grip using a ritual. So back in the days of the Colbert report host, Stephen Colbert, had a distinct backstage ritual before going on stage to tape the show, he would ring a bell in the studio bathroom. Listen to his producer say squeeze out some sunshine, touch the hands of each person who worked backstage, saving the prompt or operator for last chew on type of discontinued BIC, pen, and slap himself in the face twice now, much less complicated. But no less scripted rituals occur in sports of all kinds, take Gulf tiger. Woods has a pre putting routine that lasts precisely eighteen seconds, check a lineman adjust feet to looks at the ball. And then putt or basketball, Karl Malone would dribble the ball and mutter under his breath. And to this day, no one knows what he said to himself. But whatever it was it. Worked. He holds the record for the most free throws ever. Now colloquially people, sometimes refer to pre performance routines as being quote OCD, but it's different a true OCD ritual. The compulsion is done in response to an executive Bafokeng thought the obsession and the purpose of the ritual is to neutralize anxiety by contrast. The purpose of the pre performance routine is to regulate physiological arousal focus concentration and put the body on autopilot. So it can execute a move that would be hampered by overthinking now despite the fact that everyone from Carl Malone to your local high school, point guard has a routine. The scientific jury is still out on exactly how it works. A meta analysis of pre performance routines from sports as diverse as bowling polo gymnastics, and rugby showed that hypotheses and anecdotes, evidence abound. But the research has yet. To understand precisely what function all this, bouncing and muttering knee bending and kiss blowing actually fulfils. But until then go ahead and try it at worst. You buy yourself a quiet moment, and fast, you'll reap the benefits of improved concentration and a smooth entry into your move tip. Number three after the break. Today's episode is supported by Excelsior college. If you're listening to savvy psychologist, you're probably striving for ways to learn ro change, and improve yourself and Excelsior. College believes nothing is more transformative than education Excelsior. College is fully accredited nonprofit leader in online education for nearly fifty years. They've been helping adult students complete their college degree and achieve their career goals, Excelsior offers career focused programmes in health sciences nursing cybersecurity criminal Justice, business and more. Plus, they offer a generous transfer credit policy and dedicated student support at Excelsior you'll develop new skills forged new connections and gain the knowledge you need to excel. To learn more, visit E. X. C. E. L. S I R. That's Excelsior dot EDU slash keep learning. That's Excelsior dot EDU. Slash keep learning. Today's episode is sponsored by care of a subscription service that delivers personalized vitamins minerals, probiotics and more start by taking their fun online quiz and answer some questions about your diet, health goals, and lifestyle and just five minutes, you'll get a list of scientifically backed vitamins recommended for you care of newest offering is protein powder. It comes an individual packets and tubs all personalized for your fitness goals. So I'm make this podcast so you can be healthier. And I appreciate that care of prioritizes, your health to staring down the vitamin aisle in the grocery store feel overwhelming, but ordering care of vitamins is easy fast and personalized. So you know, you're taking good care of you for thirty percent off your first care of order. Go to take care of dot com and enter code savvy thirty that. Take care of dot com with the promo code savvy thirty. And now back to the show tip number three is get nodding from a study in the journal of sport, and exercise psychology comes a subtle yet. Powerful move literally, the researchers asked one hundred fifty crawfish members to participate in a study extensively about the use of headphones while working out. So the researchers divided the participants into two groups one group was asked to write out and audio record three positive statements about their current physical fitness. Like I'm in really good physical condition, or I have trained very hard every day or three negative statements such as I get injured way too often, or I feel more tired than usual next each participant. Listen to their own recorded statements through a set of headphones and we're told the headphones were being tested for. Actors like comfort and fit to a sensibly test this. They were asked to move their heads up and down essentially nodding in agreement without actually being told to nod or to shake their head side to side, essentially shaking their heads in disagreement, then each participant was asked to do vertical jump thirty squats and four dead. Lifts and what happened while the participants who nodded? Yes. Along to their positive statements, turbo charged their ethnic performance jumping, squatting and deadly shooting. The best of all the participants, those who nodded along to their negative statements deflated, their performance performing the worst, and those who disagreed with the positive or the negative their statements, were essentially neutralized. So secretly, the researchers had wanted to know if the physical movements of affirmation or refutation can amplify, whatever telling ourselves and the conclusion is yes, they. Can. So when you tell yourself I got this or even better. I'm excited. Nod along your body is paying attention. So to wrap it all up, though, with the flow of your physiology and tell yourself you're excited which creates opportunity ground yourself with a ritual, which creates focus and nod along, as you talk yourself through which creates affirmation the result in a world where some will
525 - Nutrition Tips for New College Grads
"Pushing Hello and welcome. To the nutrition diva podcast. I'm your host, Monica reindel. And today, I have a special episode with some tips for new grads. Today's episode is supported by Liverpool Los Angeles, offering premium denim for under one hundred dollars. No matter your body type or shape, you will comfortable in Liverpool jeans. They have the perfect amount of stretch adapting to your body, but also keeping their shape all day and Liverpool also offers a broad selection of trousers tops, blazers jackets, great colors and styles. Get twenty five percents off your purchase when you use the code diva twenty-five at Liverpool jeans dot com that's Liverpool jeans dot com with the code diva twenty five. It's may and that means that a whole bunch of you just graduated from college. Congratulations. Now, whether you're going to be starting a new job or going on to grad school heading overseas or even moving back in with mom and dad, this is a great opportunity to establish some healthy, new routines and habits and this week. I have some tips. For new grads on how to start this new chapter of your life on the right foot? Even if time money and space are tight step one is to set up a healthy kitchen. You certainly don't need a kitchen full of expensive appliances and high end cookware in order to make healthy meals in terms of cookware start with just a couple of saucepans one medium sized and one large and eight to ten inch Skillet preferably one that can go in the oven or under the broiler a big mixing bowl, which also doubles as a salad bowl a baking dish like the one your mom uses for lasagna and a larger. AM d- baking sheet, that's pretty much all you need. Now. My desert island list of essential cooking implements would also include to sharp knives. One large one small a whisk a box greater a vegetable peeler, a stranger or a colander a pair of tongs and a rubber spatula step to now that you've got your kitchen equipped. It's time to stock that pantry. Here's some tips for grocery shopping like appro, I suggest starting in the produce section and choosing whatever's particularly fresh appealing, and or well priced, but as you make your selections think about what you might serve with each one of those, and whether you might need any additional items for those meals or recipes, for example, is kale on sale this week will why not throw together a hearty, kale and white bean soup. So now, be sure to grab an onion or two before you leave the produce section and make a mental note to pick up some white beans when you get to that I'll or. Or if you're as easily distracted as I am at the grocery store, you might wanna make an actual note on your shopping list. Now, there's nothing more demoralizing than buying a bunch of fresh food. And then having it spoil before you get to it. If you're only going to get to the grocery store once or twice a week, be sure to buy some ingredients with a longer shelf life and then plan to consume the short-lived stuff first fresh fish, for example, should ideally be eaten the day, you buy it. But frozen shrimp can be kept in the freezer until you need them berries, fresh herbs and delicate lettuces may only keep a day or two but apples citrus fruit winter squash. Any kind of frozen vegetables will keep much longer as you get more comfortable in the kitchen you'll quickly. Discover the wisdom of keeping certain basic items in stock all the time for example, having a couple of versatile cheeses on hand makes it easier to whip up last minute meals and particularly handy options include fettuccine to crumble. On salads mozzarella to sprinkle on homemade pizza, and maybe a brick of cheddar or Monterey, Jack for a quick case DEA or for Totta, the other foods that I always keep on hand include eggs, dried and canned beans, canned tomatoes, canned tuna or salmon chicken stock rice keen, while Bulger or any other kind of whole grain some pasta olive oil balsamic vinegar when I use the last of any one of those immediately put it on my list to by the next time. I met the store you would be amazed at how many different meals can be concocted out of this shortlist of Staples. Plus some fresh vegetables now before we go onto steps three and four award from this week's sponsors. I wanna tell you about another podcast. I think you'll really like it's called savvy psychologist every week. Dr Ellen Hendrickson shares evidence based research to help you get through life's challenges. Just like my show it's short and sweet full of. Article tips that you can take with you. There are great episodes that answer questions, you might have wondered about like, why do we often feel so much better when we get out of the house and into nature, and when we feel disappointed and discouraged by things in our lives. Like, for instance, underperforming on our goals. What's the best way to deal with that? And how can you tell whether you should keep
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health
"Welcome back to savvy psychologist, I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson. And I hope you meet life's challenges with evidence based research a sympathetic ear and zero judgement. So too often. We don't talk about the worst things that have happened to us. It's too humiliating for too scared. We think will breakdown and never recover or we think we're the only one and that no one would understand, and that's because trauma. Isn't neat untidy? There are no nice neat. Traumatic packages wrapped up with a bow. Instead trauma is messy and confusing. And even if we want to talk about it. We might not know what to say or how to say it. But to make matters worse when the natural healing process. Get stuck the result is PTSD and the heart of PTSD is avoid turning away from anything that reminds us of the trauma, and that includes talking about it a vicious. Cycle in sues. But think about this trauma, often occurs person to person assault rape crime violence, atrocities of war mass shootings, and even traumas that aren't strictly interpersonal like natural disasters or medical emergencies. Still unfold in a social context, for example, how others react here. Trauma can chart your course, toward recovery or struggle. So for example, getting an initial response of blame criticism or denial rather than belief and support builds a big old speed bump on the road to recovery. But the other side of the coin is true to just as trauma happens person to person much of the healing. Also, happens person to person through acts as simple as talking, of course, everyone.
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health
"Welcome back to sevi- psychologist. I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson. And as always I'll help you. Meet life's challenges with evidence based research a sympathetic ear end zero judgment. This week's episode is brought to you by the new podcast Josie. Johnny are having a baby with you. If you're a parent thinking of becoming one or just want to laugh a lot. This is the podcast for you. It follows comedians Josie long and Johnny Donahoe through they're not totally planned pregnancy as they prepare for the birth of their first child. Luckily, they've network of friends to help them figure things out including fellow comedians. John Hodgman and Eugene Merman and CNN contributor. Rachel sklar. Who wants almost managed to hide she was nursing her baby. On live TV subscribe to Josie, John you're having a baby with you in your favorite podcast app. So this week an anonymous listener from. Brooklyn wrote in and wondered if she should tell people about her social anxiety. She gets anxious when people watch her eat or drink, especially if she doesn't know them. Well, and she wonders if it would be helpful just to announce it like sometimes eating in restaurants makes me nervous, or if that would just elicit raised eyebrows. And awkward questions. So coming out about your mental health can be tough in any situation. Should you disclose to colleagues to friends on a first date on the twentieth date to your Michael Scott esque boss, anyway, you slice it? It's a tough decision only you can make and many people stay silent because they intimidate projection judgment or outright discrimination. But others decide to disclose to gain support exercise, their civil rights and break, the stigma and for what it's worth there's already a whole lot of disclosing going on even with a heavy topic. Specifically suicidal thoughts among individuals living with schizo fr? Nia bipolar disorder or major depression. A study led by university of southern California. Researchers found that seventy seven percent of participants had already disclosed to someone in their social network and every single person one hundred percent plan to reach out if suicidal thoughts ever came back, but it's still a hard decision disclosures. Like diamonds are forever. They can't be unseen just like that uncanny resemblance between the monopoly guy and the guy on the Pringles can or maybe that's just me the bowtie the mustache anyone regardless this week. Let's think through whether or not to disclose your mental health. Plus, how to do it in a style that works for you? All right. First up is a study out of King's College London, which pilot tested a decision aid for people pondering whether or not disclose their mental illness to employers, and there was much to think about. Including these four points. So point number one was consider your needs. So what compels you to speak up? Do you want encouragement and understanding do you feel burdened or isolated by a secret? Maybe you need help finding a doctor or want your buddies to understand why you're not drinking anymore. Maybe you could benefit from the reasonable accommodations mandated by the Americans with Disabilities Act amendments act of two thousand eight so for instance, like a few hours of flextime each week to attend therapy or breaks dictated by need rather than buy the clock, regardless. Think about your end goal. What do you need or want out of the conversation point number two is to reflect on your values? So each person who discloses helps chip away at the silence and stigma around mental illness, but you may not feel ready to bear that responsibility. And that is okay. So think about your own values. Maybe you've. Valued being open and candid, or maybe you value your privacy. Now in addition examine your values and beliefs about mental illness itself challenge, any notion that you are somehow week for needing help and questioned feelings of guilt or shame around having mental health struggles in the first place. Point number three in the study was to list the pros and cons of speaking up. And the pros and cons of keeping quiet now because you are a human being you probably have mixed feelings about disclosure, you may want to be open with your friend, but worry, she'll slowly back away from your friendship. You may be concerned about stigma at work, but worried that unexplained symptoms might endanger your job, even more. So to get some clarity list out. Not only the pros and cons of telling. But also the pros and cons of staying quiet. And you might think that the pros of tallying or just a mirror image of the cons of not telling. But you'd be surprised at what helpful nuances can pop up and point number four was think about whom to tell because disclosing doesn't mean telling everyone, you don't have to commission a Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade balloon or airplane advertising banner to announce the news about your mental health. You can tell. I'll just one person. And if that goes, well, maybe tell another it's all up to you. When you're just starting out begin with someone who would love and support you even if you disclosed that you enjoy dressing up as SpongeBob and mooing at the full moon because a good first experience. Lease a solid foundation for tougher disclosures. Also, consider the emotional savvy or the psychological mindedness of each person. If your boss makes Mr. burns, look understanding, it might be better to start with HR. If your school click is full of slither ins play it close to the vest. Of course, even the crusty est of people may surprise you. But in general, you're not gonna get blood or support from turnip next. How to disclose after the break? Analog gourmet cookware can bring your inspiration to life on the dinner table. Whether you're a gourmet cook or bake off worthy. Baker. They've got you covered. With everything from expertly crafted cookware bakeware, cast iron stoneware, colori, tools and gadgets. You might try the end LAN advanced collection. It's twice as hard as stainless steel and with nonstick surfaces. It's easy to clean or you could try out the new Vel, copper luxe collection with a copper base that looks beautiful and functions perfectly whatever collection you choose you can rest easy. Knowing your gourmet cookware will last for years to come. Because all analog products are protected with a lifetime warranty. I use analog cookware every day. It heats quickly and evenly never sticks. And cleanup shockingly easy. It's perfect for everything from quick scrambled eggs to homemade stock that simmers for a couple of days. So shop analog at Macy's in store or macys dot com. An-and? That's a n o l o n designed for creativity in the kitchen. The original true body. Brought by true and co dot com is the bra people are talking about over half a million people have fought it. And swear by it. It's made with proprietary fabric that gives you the support you need plus it has no wires. So it's too comfortable and the soft fabric you out in all the right places. So I tried one and not only does it have no wires. It also has no hooks. No, itchy labels. And none of those slider things on the straps. And you know, how sometimes you don't realize something is bothering you until it's gone. That was exactly what happened. It was so comfortable and other people agree with me the today show calls it game changing and good housekeeping says it's the ultimate lounge bra so try the original true body broth from true and co today with free and easy returns. Say fifteen percent when you go to true and co dot com slash savvy and enter the code savvy. That's T R U E. A n d CO dot com slash savvy and the code savvy. Now, something the King's College London study doesn't address is how to disclose which may be the trickiest part of all while you can't control others reactions. You can control how you present. It you get to set the tone. You can make it serious and in-depth offhand and light or anything in between. You can dip a toe in to see what reaction you get or to mix. My metaphors rip off the band aid. All at once if you're not sure what feels right rehearse beforehand
7 Secrets to a Long-Lasting Relationship
"Hi, everyone and welcome back to savvy psychologist, I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson, and you know, the drill. Al hope you meet life's challenges with evidence based research a sympathetic ear and zero judgment. And as you can probably hear this week. I am getting over a cold. I feel fine. But my voice insists on doing its best impression of a frog. In the meantime, so hang in there with me. And here we go. So today's episode is brought to you by the new podcast fill in the blanks. You know, Dr Phil one of Oprah's most famous friends and frequent collaborators and now you can hear a whole new side of him with his podcast fill in the blanks. That's Phil PH L. So here all new no-holds-barred conversations with celebrities like Vivica, a FOX Kathy Bates and Steve Harvey, plus expert neurosurgeons and lifespan. There's so listen to fill in the blanks on your favorite podcast app, and be sure to subscribe. So this week. Let's talk about how to make a relationship last. 'cause Melwood may have brought you together. But after the clergyman with the speech, impediment instructs you to treasurer your love what next. Well, whether you're married cohabitating or simply in it for the long haul any committed relationship needs a few tools to make it through the years. So this week here are seven. Science back secrets to make your long term relationship. Feel more. Like our Bruno Mars, Mary you flash mob and less like the theme song from married with children. So let's start out with secret number one, which is be your own person. Okay. So before sharing your life with another adult. It's important to have spent some time adulting yourself, you don't have to have your life cross indexed color coded, but it is important to have separated in a healthy way from your family of origin. So if your alarm clock is a phone, call from mom, or you don't get know how to do your own laundry. Invest the time to get your life on solid footing before merging it with another humans. Secret. Number two is be a team. Now. Some problems seem on solvable a fundamental difference in parenting styles in curable, slobby tude or opposite values around money. But the least constructive approach to sticky problems is to blame each other and fight it out. So instead, try and approach called unified detachment unified detachment is a fundamental shift in perspective that joins you and your partner together against the problem. So rather than approaching a problem as you against your crazy unreasonable partner approach the situation as the two of you United against the challenge. So for example, what should we do to save money for the future or how can we work together to fight less secret? Number three is outweighed the negatives with positives. So a classic study out of the university of Washington asked heterosexual newly. Lead couples to discuss a hot button issue in their relationship for fifteen minutes, and the headline making results found that divorce could be predicted from just the first three minutes of the couple's argument and the key. It turned out was the balance of negative and positive interactions. So in their three minute discussion clips spouses in stable relationships, not careening towards divorce predictably display, the less negative affect like contempt. Belligerence anger defensiveness or whining and more positive affect like validation affection and humor. All right. That makes sense. But interestingly for the husband's examining, the entire fifteen minutes of the argument amplified the ability to predict divorce so over the course of the fifteen minutes, husbands in stable, marriages got a little more negative, but they simultaneously stayed positive always making jokes listening and being affectionate. By contrast, husbands in marriages that would eventually end in divorce got increasingly negative and less positive over the fifteen minutes by the end calling their spouse by cute, nickname or validating. Her viewpoint. Went out the window now later the same research lab developed the magic ratio for a healthy relationship for every negative interaction. They advise you need five positive interactions. In other words, stable couples do argue, but that arguing is filled with joking and teasing and listening and love. Secret. Number four be equal a study in the American journal of sociology found that couples it gala -tarian relationships are less likely to divorce than couples where one brings home the bacon and the other cooks it up. So how do you make things more gala -tarian? It's not as simple as splitting up the chores along traditional gender lines. Because a study in the journal marriage and family review differentiated between low control and high control tasks now, low control tasks are named as such because there is little control or choice in the matter. They have to be done more or less continuously like loading and unloading, the dishwasher at specific times like making dinner or on demand. Like changing a diaper, high control tasks by contrast can be done when it's convenient. And they have a specific beginning and end like mowing the lawn or doing a home repair. So traditionally low control tasks have been designated as women's while high control. Tasks have been labelled as men's therefore to increase gala terrorism. Take a page from many same sex relationships and divvy up tasks by interest and value rather than by gender. So for example, the social butterfly takes responsibility for play dates and social events, the foodie makes dinner or does the grocery shopping, and the tasks no one wants, well, you have three options outsource work around because no one has to water plants if you don't have any or divide them up, and even if the dividing ends up falling along gender lines as long as you decided on those assignments together you'll go a long way towards shrinking resent. Now as a PS in families with kids. There's an avalanche of kid related invisible. Labor scheduling play dates, researching pediatricians ordering soccer uniforms and then returning them when they don't fit and in heterosexual relationships this keeping track of. A thousand and one things usually falls to the woman. So how does this get started? Well, it's been argued that it partially starts with maternity leave. It takes time and practice to gain expertise in task. So when mom's are given a leave of absence, but dads are not mom's gained singular expertise during those hundreds of hours with baby. And then that gap never gets closed. The solution paternal leave. Indeed Pew Research survey found that sixty nine percent of Americans believe fathers should receive paid parental leave which would help level the playing field. So if your job offers, parental leave not just maternity leave take full advantage. And if it doesn't do your best to divide up kid tasks evenly from day one. Annalong gourmet cookware can bring your inspiration to life on the dinner table. Whether you're a gourmet cook or bake off where the Baker they've got you covered with everything from expertly crafted cookware bakeware, cast iron stoneware cutlery, tools and gadgets. So you might try the analog advanced collection. It's twice as hard as stainless steel and with nonstick surfaces. It's easy to clean or you could try out the new Vel copper looks collection with a copper based that looks beautiful and functions perfectly whatever collection you choose you can rest easy. Knowing your gourmet cookware will last for years to come all analog products are protected with a lifetime warranty. So I use analog cookware everyday it heats quickly and evenly. Never sticks and clean up. Is shockingly easy. Perfect for everything from quick scrambled eggs to homemade stock that simmers for a couple of days. So shop an-and at Macy's in store, or at least dot com analog. That's an oh L O N designed for creativity in the kitchen. Today's episode is sponsored by blinking. I the only app that condenses thousands of nonfiction books into the best key takeaways and need to know information. So you can read or listen to them in just fifteen minutes their library is massive and constantly growing with titles, including self help business health and history titles. I'm excited to read like the art of happiness by the Dalai Lama or happier at home by Gretchen Rubin plus classics like how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie blinking makes it easy to get the key essentials from book during a short commute, a workout or while cooking or cleaning. So join the eight million people were using it already. For a limited time blinking has a special offer. Just for you. Go to blinking dot com slash savvy to start your free seven-day trial. That's blinking B. L I N K I S T dot com slash savvy to start your seven-day trial linka stop. Com slash savvy. Next secret number five, expect a lot of your partner. But not what they can't give you. So while fairytale expectations are bound to be disappointing. A study in the journal of personality and social psychology found that marriages stay happy with a magic combination of high expectations and partners ability to reach them. So in the study couples were asked about their expectations of their relationship and next they were asked to come into the lab identify point of conflict in their relationship and work towards a solution. And researchers watched each partner argue and noted when they avoided the topic criticized or faulted, the other shirked responsibility made presumptions or were hostile. So by contrast. Researchers also noted when partner stayed on topic and furthered the resolution now when individuals had high expectations of the relationship and. Their partners could deliver that match of expectations and ability made for a happier relationship, but not everyone can rise to meet expectations when individuals had high expectations, but their partners how lousy communication skills or dirty those same high expectations set the couple up for disappointment. So the take home is expect a lot of your partner. But only what they're capable of. Secret number six is lie to yourself a little. So remember when you first fell in love, and you thought your partner was the greatest the cutest, the smartest keep them on that pedestal at least
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on I Do Podcast
"All you have to do is just tell one friend or family member about idee podcasts. And if it's helping you and we hope it is say, hey, this is going to really great stuff. Hopefully that you're getting and you can share that with your friends and family, and they're going to be able to better relate to you. You to them share with your spouse, if you haven't already or partner or Tinder date be like a I really like this first date. Marriage and relationship podcast. Okay. But we do appreciate it. We appreciate you guys listening and sharing the show in on today's show. We have a another great topic in one. We haven't talked too much about in that is rejection with Dr Ellen Hendrickson in you may have heard of her podcast this savvy psychologist. I know I always see I tunes, but she is a clinical psychologist who helps millions calm their anxiety in be their offense. Selves through her podcast as I mentioned in the clinic at Boston university's center for exile eighty in related disorders. Yeah. It was a great episode. We not only talked about rejection while you are dating but also rejection in the relationship and the best ways to handle it and how to talk to your partner to to validate their. Feelings and help them not feel as rejected in the moment. In like, a lot of things we talk about on the show, they're small things, but they're so huge and improving your life and your relationship. So listen to the tips Ellen gives us in today's show. As always we love you guys. We appreciate you listening telling your friends and family tone to subscribe, leaving those five star reviews and just being you're awesome selves. And we've kind of been on all of a sudden this kick of doing based on the topic. Suggestions you guys send us, and we created a thread on the love tribe community page on Facebook. And I just keep going back to those and keep pulling those topics. So I love it. So keep it up. We love putting out the information that you guys wanna hear and during that page. Yeah. Join the love tribe. Love tribe. Fam- on Facebook is a called love tribe name or just Latrobe. Yeah. Love tribe was gone. So it's love try. Fam-?.
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Kindle Chronicles
"Go to MacMillan podcasts dot com, and we've got links to Oliver shes fantastic. The other thing which is happening in tandem with podcast is the dramatic rise of audiobooks the audience audio books and seems to be really the fastest growing part of publishing these days. And I'm sure you you have a unique seat in a way to compare what you can do in a podcast versus what an audio book does. And when you think of those two mediums both of which can come through ear buds off of your phone. There's sort of delivered in a similar way. What do you see as the essential differences in advantages of those two mediums? Well, certainly we can think of podcast as an entry point to audio books. They are less of a commitment. They are free. They can actually give you great insights into book discovery podcasts can move at a more rapid pace. For example, the show. I was just talking about. We did an episode on what happened with the cavenaugh appointment right after that happened. So that we were able to be somewhat more nimble and take something that was really relevant and timely and gives them great content to our listeners. I think that's a little more challenging on the audiobook front that said there's a lot of interesting ways, we have sort of worked together with the audiobook team here still stars, which I think you've heard of his audio drama that was a project that we embarked upon with our tour. Science fiction imprint here and getting media and outside company headed by MAC Rogers, who's a really well known playwrights of scriptwriter and podcast writer. He wrote the message and life after which were to huge hit. Podcasts. So the three we all partnered together to create steal the stars. Which was an audio drama that we kind of call ocean's eleven meets arrival. It's a great great story. And we called it podcast. I so what we did. There was we worked with MAC and his team brilliant director, John that Jordan Williams, and we put together an audio drama. It was a fourteen part series. And we launched the podcast. I forecast fourteen member cast a great production values after we released that we continue to promote the podcast, but we took those audio assets. And we turn them into an audio book. We also did a live event where we recorded a prequel to steal the stars and included that as bonus content, which was kind of cool, and then we took those assets in also turn them into an e book and a trade paperback using a writer from the Gideon team to create the novelization. That's amazing. It's kind of I don't know if it's the reverse of the normal way of doing there is no normal way to have such a seamless integration of all of those platforms that that struck me as incredibly innovative thing that you did with steel the stars. I listened to it too. It was gripping. Oh, great. I'm glad to hear it at digital book world. We're both there in Nashville and McMillan was honored with best use of podcasting in book marketing, let's talk a little bit about smart things that MacMillan is done in that use the actually using podcasting for book marketing, so we have a show called. But that's another story. It's hosted by one of our senior vice presidents here who's also a New York Times bestselling author. We'll Schwab I think, you know, of well, we think you and I talked about him at digital book world, he does sort of a book discovery show. But it's got a twist he brings someone in and talks to them about a book that changed their life. So it's a really cool way to get. You know authors in here to talk about books that change their lives in a really meaningful and powerful way. He said guests like Sam Sanders. Mario Andrew and just great people who have really compelling stories to tell and they always talk about a book that changed their life. So it's it's it's done, really. Well, too popular show it's called. But that's another story. I'll give you a sort of a classic example. We have a host on the quick and dirty tips network. Her name is Ellen Hendrickson, Dr Ellen Hendrickson, and she's nationally recognized as one of the leading experts in social anxiety. She has a weekly show called the savvy psychologist, and she covers all kinds of topics related psychology. The show did really well we spent about an eighteen month period. Just really building her platform..
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on Advice from Mom
"So go to green chef that US slash pickle ball for fifty dollars off. Yeah. I think comedy war was actually eating style. It would probably have to be someone who only eats. Well, laughing sounds like a choking hazard. But also a lot of laughter's that's mentally healthy way to live green. Chef you on this do funny ingredients three idea. Hey. All right. So mom for this question. I think it's really important to get another professional because this is like a immedi mental health question. I would say that's wonderful. I thought why don't we get someone who specializes in social anxiety someone who's really good at explaining complex mental health situations and someone who you can't stop referencing on my goodness. Come on. Yeah. Rebekka mom, it's been so hard to keep the secret from you. But I bet I tell you on the microphone that yesterday. I got to talk to the amazing, Dr Ellen Hendrickson of the savvy psychologist have you? I basically do it for this moment right here where you get so excited about it. And also for our listeners to get them. Good advice. That's also what we're all about. Yeah. I even got to tell her how you like to sneak in references to our podcast. Did that help winner over? Or was it where you wanna hear? You wanna hear wonder over? Yes. I do..
"Hello, everyone. This is savvy psychologist. I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson and every week l. help you meet life's challenges with evidence based research, a sympathetic ear and zero judgment. So I wanna tell you about this week sponsor podcast called the hilarious world of depression. And in each episode, John mo- talks to some of the top names and entertainment about their personal experiences with mental health issues. In an honest and surprisingly funny way this season he talks to Andrew Zimmer and from the travel channel, Scott Thomson from kids in the hall open Mike eagle and many others. It's funny, it's moving and even wanna webby award for best comedy podcast. So subscribe to the hilarious world of depression wherever you get your podcasts. Now this week, we'll answer the question. Why do victims of relationship violence go back to their abusers? Now according to a CD survey, one in four women and one in nine men are victims of physical or sexual partner, violence or stalking. And in same sex relationships, the numbers are equivalent or even higher, but no matter who's caught in the complicated and misunderstood cycle of relationship violence outsiders wonder about both sides. I, why would anyone hurt someone they love and even more puzzling pie? Would anyone go back to a partner who hurts them friends and family shake their heads by their nails and throw up their hands. Get out now say, you don't deserve this and why don't you just leave if only it were as simple as just leave this week will look at the complicated reasons. People go back to their violent partners. And also dive into the nitty gritty of how abusers manipulate their victims even to the point of convincing them to recant criminal charges. But first, let's start with the big brush strokes. So it used to be thought that people went back to abusive relationships simply out of fear. They were too intimidated to leave. They were financially dependent or the partner threaten them into state, and these are all legit. Fear is a huge factor, but it's not the only force in play aside from fear. Let's look at four additional reasons partner stay. So reason, number one is unequal power, and this is number one for a reason and abusive relationship is fundamentally about power and control. It's about breaking down the victim, self worth an agency in order to control them. So power is taken and reinforced by making victims ask for money controlling. Were they. Go or who they talk to making all the decisions for the couple and more abusers want to ensure that leaving isn't an option by fostering the victims believe that this is all they deserve or that no one else would want them. Reason. Number two is manipulation. Now, abusers are often smart charming and magnetic all traits that feed into master manipulation. They know how to pull people in with the victim and those around them. And as we'll see later, this manipulation includes tactics like saying the abuse wasn't that bad, denying it ever happened saying the victim started it or discredit in the victim as crazy emotional or otherwise, not credible victim might start to wonder if they're wrong or making a big deal about nothing all of which makes it harder to walk away. Reasonable. Three is hope. This is another big one. We humans instinctively hope for brighter days ahead and victims perpetually, hope that things will get better. The reality of course is that victims can't stop the abuse only an abuser can decide to stop, but in a relationship or victims may pride themselves on having the magic touch, like being the only one who understands or the only one who can calm the abuser down there exists and allusion of control. And within this allusion giving up hope for a better future would mean that they failed in this culture were told never to quit to hang in there that anything can be accomplished if we set our mind to it, and that is a tough dream to reject leaving. The relationship means -nology that things will never change. It means giving up hope. And reason. Number four is love. Love is complicated. Relationships have good times and bad, and the good times can be a powerful glue. Love is the ultimate connection solidified by months or years of time, spent an energy invested, and it's absolutely possible to be in love without being safe and society that tells us, love is all you need or love conquers. All it can be hard to walk away from a life. You've built together, even one that's not safe or healthy all in all love and hope, especially when paired with power and manipulation are tough to push against. So even when victims find within themselves the courage to leave press charges or otherwise stand up for themselves, it's common to get pulled back in. Now we'll talk about exactly how that happens after we say, thanks to this week sponsor talks base with talks base. Improving your mental health is as easy as sending your therapist message. There's no travel time, no waiting room and no judgments. All you need is a computer or the talks based mobile app talks base has of our two thousand licensed therapists who are experienced in addressing life's challenges and working with you to find practical strategies to manage stress and live a happier life. So to match with your perfect therapist for a fraction of the price of traditional therapy go to talk space dot com. Slash savvy and use the code savvy to get forty five dollars off your first month. That's talks dot com. Slash savvy and the code
"Hello. Again, this is savvy psychologist. I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson and every week a helping me life's challenges with evidence based research, a sympathetic ear and zero judgment. Now, recently, listener Lou wrote in and asked, how do I let go of guilt? She says, I feel guilty about everything even things I haven't done now. Lou also notes that she was pretty horrible as a teenager and has not been able to forgive herself for being as she says. So selfish and careless back then. But she also worries that she's equally awful now and just isn't aware of it. All of which leads her to feel you guessed it healty. Okay. So what can Lou and what can all of us do when we feel as guilty as a teenage boy with a freshly erased browser history? Well, this week will dive into seven ways to find. Nally let go of the guilt. So let's get right into it with tip. Number one, remember the flipside of guilt. Now guilt makes us feel lower than a worms belly, but the fact that we can feel guilt is actually a good sign because guilt is a sign of empathy and a signal that we care about not hurting others. So in fact, at the university of British Columbia, a pair of researchers set out to determine the opposite of psychopathy that is being a psychopath and found that a significant part of the answer is a tendency to feel guilt. Plus a predisposition to guilt often goes together with honesty, cooperation, consideration and conscientiousness. All good things that the researchers dubbed compassionate morality. So for our listener Lou the simple fact that she worries about being quote, equally awful. Is a sign that she's not Lou. If you were truly awful person, you would not be worried about it. Now, tip number two is to right any wrongs, of course, not all guilt is an illusion. If you feel guilty about a wrong, you have not yet righted. Go ahead and make amends. Yes, it is awkward to reach out. Yes, you will find a million reasons not to, but most likely you'll be glad you did if nothing else, a heartfelt apology and an offer to make things right. We'll soothe your own conscience. Tip. Number three is challenged. Hindsight bias. All right. A lot of what the mental health world knows about guilt comes from research with combat veterans. War is rife with upper -tunities to feel guilty, guilt about killing the enemy guilt about enjoying killing the enemy guilt about killing her displacing, civilians, guilt over surviving when others died guilt about violating the Noman left behind creed, guilt over feeling disconnected or alienated after coming home and more but veterans guild, even if the circumstances are specialized can apply to us all whether it's mommy guilt, Jewish guilt, Catholic guilt, liberal guilt. The list goes on at the root of all this guilt life, four common thinking, errors that are universal and often conspire to make us feel inappropriately guilty. So let's go through all four of them. And the first, as I mentioned. Is hindsight bias, which is a mistaken belief that the outcome was known at the time of the decision. For example, in the military, a soldier might feel guilty about shooting someone who appeared to have a weapon, but turned out to be on armed a more general example might be not being there for a friend who subsequently revealed themselves to be depressed. In any case, assure fire way to spot. Hindsight bias guilt is the phrase I should have known. Okay. So what do you do in the situation? Well, you think honestly about what you actually knew at the time differentiate between I should've known and I wish I had known. So for instance, switch, I should have known. She was depressed too. I wish I had known. She was depressed, but I didn't know one way or the other. It's not a cop out. It's the truth. Tip number four challenge your assumptions of a lack of justification. Okay. So the second thinking error is called quite simply lack of justification. Here, we believe there was no good reason for the course of action. We took that we should have done better. So for example, a veteran may feel guilty about shooting suspect who ignored orders not to come any closer. Our listener Lou feels guilty for heinous behavior as an adolescent. Now, no matter the scenario when we feel guilty about an outcome, it's often because of two things. First, we believe there must have been a path to a better outcome. And second, we think we had the resources required for the ideal outcome at the time even if we didn't. So to challenge these errors, think about the information skills and resources you had at the point where you made your decision. And this often. Leads to the reels ation that there was no good option or veterans. Other option was not to shoot which might have put her entire unit at risk, lose teenage behavior, likely made sense given her level of maturity at the time or perhaps the family situation that surrounded her now that she's older, both are different. So to me, it sounds like Lou came out the other side with a strong conscience and a sense of wanting to do better, both commendable outcomes. So to sum this all up, don't hold the actions of the past to the standards skills, maturity, and wisdom of today. Okay. Let's take a quick break and thank this week sponsor sun basket. Healthy eating is delicious with sun basket. The go to meal kit for fresh healthy meals made with organic produce and responsibly, raised meat and seafood. If you are stuck in a rut with your meals, sun basket, makes it easy to break out. Just go to the sun basket app and pick from eighteen delicious weekly recipes this week. My favorite was the spicy jerk chicken with ginger stone fruits law. And next time I'm excited for the Hawaiian tuna bowls with Brown rice and Nori. There are so many options paleo gluten free Leinen clean vegan Mediterranean family. There is something suitable for any busy lifestyle. So go to sun basket dot com slash savvy today to learn more and get thirty five dollars off your first order that sun basket dot com. Slash savvy for thirty five dollars off. Okay. Let's get back to letting go of guilt with tip. Number five challenge sense of over responsibility. Now, the third thinking error is a concept called over responsibility where we believe we were solely or mostly responsible for what occurred. Classic examples are when kids blame themselves for their parents fighting or rape survivors, bland themselves for the assault. So to challenge this, ask yourself who was acting inappropriately in our examples, was that the child was that the assault survivor? No, of course not. Now another way to challenge over responsibility is to think of all the responsible factors. For example, you hear my voice right now not only because you were responsible for hitting play, but also because I recorded the podcast, the distributor uploaded it. Your favorite podcast source carries it
"Welcome back. This is savvy psychologist. I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson and every week I'll help you meet life's challenges with evidence based research, a sympathetic ear and zero judgment. This week's episode is sponsored by elevated fitness. Are you ready to ditch the gym? Elevated fitness lets you stream workouts anywhere anytime with no equipment required. They're low intensity interval. Training workouts are fun and last as little as eight or sixteen minutes. So subscribe at elevated fitness dot com which is e. l. EV the number eight d. fitness dot com and get your first month free today by entering promo code savvy at checkout. Inequality, privilege and injustice Blair from the headlines. But when faced with an unjust world, how do you cope? Do you dwell on unfairness, take the law into your own hands or stay out of the fray? Well, listener, Melissa writes from San Francisco. She says, I struggle with letting go of any kind of injustice, whether it's on the national level, such as the unfair treatment of minorities or something small as another customer skied in front of me in line. I really tend to well on this wrongdoing and she points out that even though human brains often wander to thoughts of revenge. She doesn't think she would derive much satisfaction from it. And so she asked me terrific on injustice and revenge with a goal of understanding herself and her fellow humans a little better. So as it turns out, Melissa is not alone in her struggle to let go of injustice, inequity or unfairness. In fact, it is a personality trait called Justice sensitive. Entity, and it's defined as our awareness of and reactively to injustice. So in other words, it's pretty much how finely tuned our intent are to corruption inequality on fairness and generally getting screwed. Now. In fact, there are four types of Justice sensitivity. The first is called victim Justice sensitivity, which is constantly staying on the lookout to make sure we don't get screwed. But this vigilance often goes along with being angry or a tendency towards revenge. Okay. But next is observer Justice sensitively, which is outrage when observing on fair treatment of others without being directly involved. So a great example of this was the outpouring of protest at the American government on behalf of immigrant families who were being separated at the border. Okay. Third is perpetrator Justice sensitivity, which is an inclination to punish oneself for unjust behaviors in order to assuage guilt. Or to make things right. So for example, there's a Utah man named Reggie Shaab who was responsible for two deaths in texting while driving accident, and he has traveled the country ever since speaking out against distracted driving last is something called beneficiary Justice sensitivity, which is where we experienced situations in which we benefit from injustice as aversive. So for example, Benedict Cumberbatch made headlines when he announced he would only join projects or his female co stars received equal pay. Okay. So the important among all these four types of Justice sensitivity is that the first victim sensitivity is focused on the self, whereas the other types are focused on others and we'll circle back to this. So hold on tight. Okay. So now while injustice resonates a little deeper or a little shalwar with each of us, all of us have a sense of it. It is inborn. To illustrate a study out of the university of Washington using eye tracking technology found that fifteen month old toddlers looked longer at video in which two people were given an unequal distribution of and crackers versus a video in which the people received equal portions of milk and crackers. Measuring how long babies, fixate on a scene is a proven method for working with study participants who can't talk yet. They gaze longer when things are unexpected nonsensical, or as out when events violate the rules of equality, but wait toddler sense of Justice gets even more complex. It turns out that toddlers are also tuned to the concept of equal pay for equal work. A study in the journal psychological science had twenty one month old. Watch a live scene where two lab assistants we're told, if you put the toys away, you can have a sticker. And then one of two things happens either. Both the assistance cleaned the toys up. Equally and each earns the sticker. So clear example of proportional rewards or one cleans all the other slack off and keeps playing, but once the toys are all put away, they still each get a sticker. A clear example of inequitable reward. The twenty one month olds looked significantly longer at the unequal seen a finding that the researchers interpreted to mean that they were not okay with that slacker getting rewarded. All right, whether this means that a sense of Justice is hardwired or simply that we learn the rules of society before our second birthdays, it's clear that even before they can explain themselves, babies can spot when someone gets the shaft. Now, this brings us to Melissa's questions about revenge which we will answer after saying, thanks to this week, sponsor. Elevated fitness. Elevated fitness is a new online video platform. Pioneering low intensity interval training. It's a unique approach to fitness focuses on slow deliberate exercises that get your body moving. The way it was designed. Elevated workouts are also a great warm up or cool down. If you already have a consistent workout routine, not only will you burn more calories during your workout, but you'll also enjoy all the benefits of lasting after burn and don't forget. You can stream your workouts from any device anywhere with no equipment needed. So get your first month free today by entering promo code savvy at checkout when you subscribe at elevated fitness dot com. That's e. l. e. v. the number eight d. fitness dot com. Now revenge. Does it work? Should we make like Demi Levato and get revenge while feeling like ten, if your name is Earl, do you watch your back for the Dixie chicks? Well, the answer to does revenge make us feel better is a solid. It depends revenge works, but only for those who fit a certain profile. So according to a study in the personality and social psychology bulletin, those who seek revenge tend to be less forgiving and tend to ruminate more about the offense. So this kind of make sense if you're in nego Montovia obsessing, about revenge in your father's death is going to be a major source of motivation, but fixation on slights and rejections is unpleasant and takes up a lot of bandwidth. Now. Interestingly, those who seek revenge also tend to have lower life satisfaction, meaning there's not a lot of perceived good in their life to absorb the blow of an offense. So far. Are not such a rosy picture, but there was more those who get satisfaction from revenge tend also to have higher negative affect about the offense. In other words, they feel particularly hurt and angry when something unjust happens to them. This part is important because people tend to exact revenge as an attempt at mood repair in other words to feel better. But as you might guess this plan works most effectively in those who have a dash of sadism. So for better or worse, vengeance feels best when you already find pleasure in inflicting pain and humiliation. All right. So what about for those of us that aren't sadists? Well, a lighter version of revenge is scapegoating or singling out a person or group for undeserved blame. Now scapegoating can happen in the name of Justice. For example, a study out of the university of Kansas asked participants, all whom identified as middle class. Class to read a fake news article titled the plight of working class Americans. There were two versions of the article, however, and half the participants read one version where blame was placed on the middle class.
"Welcome back to the savvy psychologist i'm dr ellen hendrickson and every week i'll help you meet life's challenges with evidence based research a sympathetic ear and zero judgment this week's episode is sponsored by elevated fitness are you ready to ditch the gym elevated fitness lets you stream workouts anywhere anytime with no equipment required they're low intensity interval training workouts are fun and last as little as eight or sixteen minutes plus they're designed to help your body operate more efficiently resulting in better sleep and more energy so subscribe at elevated fitness dot com that's e l e v the number eight d fitness dot com and get your first month free today by entering promo code savvy at checkout okay so this week we have a twist on the usual episode it is an audio excerpt from how to be yourself quiet your inner critic and rise above social anxiety okay so why are we doing this well this is the particular chapter that i've gotten the most feedback about since the book came out and i think it's because it covers something we all think about but no one really talks about and what could that be you ask is it how to discreetly sniff your own armpits in public is it how not to buy the free sample after you just eight three of them not quite instead it is about how to make friends as an adult because when you're a kid making friends easy your buddies with the neighbors or the kids uc and class every day but after pomp and circumstance plays for the last time and you've tossed her mortar board you are thrust into a new world of adulting where everything including friendship gets more ambiguous but fear not you are not alone and here is what you need.
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on LA Talk Radio Channel 2
"I did not know somebody had to teach me about waxy like all these things i'm greek you know we we wax we need to act i'm like god these girls their face looks perfect and they they look like they're twenty five and win do they sit around the cookie dough like we used to because think about there's always a camera so they always totally ready oh my god exactly there in all the filters and oh my god and then you see them in person you're like oh okay so we're talking with dr ellen hendrickson she is the author of how to be yourself quiet your inner critic and rise above social anxiety by the way i love the cover of this book it's so adorable it is just so perfect it's it's this girl or woman basically hiding behind balloons but it's just like it's perfect because it's like that's how you feel bad exactly that a party you know in the social environment you're uncomfortable and you know it's interesting because i i i guess i never really had social anxiety but i can imagine how crippling that would be an end to feel and i my husband is an introvert and he gets social anxiety he feels very uncomfortable he feels like to make small talk is like you know what it's like water torture that's why he's stills cars people say jokes but but i can imagine how kirpal that is and so i'm wondering ellen if you can kind of maybe there's a couple of tips that you can give for people you know going to a party or who are terrified to enter this situation absolutely i'm glad you brought up the cover i i love the cover myself as well because somebody pointed out to me actually i won't take credit for this that the the woman on the cover who's hiding behind the balloon is in a party dress like she's out there she's trying she's not at home under a blanket and so i appreciate that she has gotten dressed up in his is is going out there to to give it a shot so i i like that message then as well as for tips.
"Hello, everyone and welcome to savvy psychologist. I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson and every week I'll help you meet life's challenges with evidence based research, a sympathetic ear and zero judgment. This week's episode is brought to you by Panji Abed Panja bed. Mattresses are made from innovative high quality materials to help you get your absolute best night's sleep. For instance, they are infused with copper, which helps keep you both clean and cool, and your bed is shipped right to your door for free and you can try it. Risk free for one hundred nights. If you don't love it, get a full refund. So visit Panja bed dot com. And use the code savvy for ten percent off. We all roll our eyes at happiness, cliches like live laugh love, or if life gives you lemons make lemonade or dance like nobody's watching. Now, even if there is some truth in inspirational seines, anything you've ever seen crocheted on a pillow or framed on Michael Scott's wall is automatically suspect. So this week to celebrate the two hundred episode of savvy psychologist will look at the science behind five classic pieces of happiness advice and find new fresh ways to put them into action. In other words, when you change the way you look at a thing, the thing you look at changes, hey, when that look good on a pillow. All right. Let's get into it with classic happiness tip. Number one, don't worry. Be happy. Okay. What it should really say is it's okay to feel life's ups and downs. Now, the happiness and positive psychology movements while revolutionary have had one major negative side effect, an expectation that we are happy all the time. Over the last few years. I've seen an upsurge in young adults who come to therapy, mistaking the downs and struggle of everyday life as a sign of something gone seriously wrong, they worry, it's not okay to feel sad after a break-up unsure during a big transition or that feeling anything less than happy motivated and radiating confidence isn't good enough. Therefore, instead of don't worry be happy. Let's update the sane to include normal, emotional variation. Indeed, it's okay to feel incompetent. Especially when we're pushing ourselves to learn something new, it's totally normal to feel anxious when we don't have a ton of experience doing something, and it's important to occasionally feel bored. The best ideas are born when our mind aren't otherwise occupied with net Netflix YouTube or even there, I say podcasts. Okay. Let's take it even further. If we're willing to frontload feeling lousy, we can set ourselves up for true happiness. What do I mean? Well, a twenty eighteen study found that the activities that make us happiest, those that allow us to enter a flow state are often inconvenient and suck up a lot of bandwidth. And indeed it is a hassle to work up the energy to dive into an intense focused activity, like making art training for a sport or writing a story. It can be daunting to work on a standup. Comedy act open an SE shop or sit down at the piano to master that tricky section of rhapsody in blue, but flow and many other activities that make us happy, require an investment of energy and hassle at the get-go, therefore think of negative emotion as an investment. You don't have to throw your Kuna Matata mug but see the ups and downs of daily life as part. Of a normal healthy rhythm. Okay, classic happiness. Tip. Number two is the purpose of life is a life of purpose. All right. And what this really means is find your purpose to fight stress and take care of yourself about kazillion studies as well as commonsense have concluded that having a purpose increases both quality and quantity of life. Okay. So what exactly is purpose? Well, like jazz or porn. We know it when we see it, but for our purposes, we will define it as feeling directed and motivated by goals and values. Okay. Why is this so important? Well, there are a couple of theories. One is that having purpose may prompt us to take better care of ourselves, taking care of yourself implies that you and what you're doing with your life are worth taking care of beyond that. It's thought that purpose shields us from the weathering. Effects of stress. For example, one study found that would students reported their lives weren't meaningful the hassles of everyday life or coupled with symptoms of depression. But when students reported higher meaning and purpose the link between daily hassles and depression, weakened the conclusion purpose buffers us from stress. Okay, we're guardless of how exactly it works. We do know that purpose is directly linked to happiness. A huge study of nearly one hundred thousand people across ninety. Four countries found that people who believe their lives have meaning or purpose regardless of how they feel about their income are happier with their life. Okay, classic happiness. Tip number three is discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. All right. And what this really should say is organize your life so you don't have to exert discipline, okay, discipline, better known as self control is a topic right now, hotter than a hall opinion with a fever, self control defined as resistant impatient in the moment is important. It is hard to be happy when we get sidetracked by every shiny object in our field of vision. However, there is much disagreement about the nature of self control. Some say is a finite resource to be conserved other say, it's more like a muscle, strengthening the more we use it, but as of a hot off the presses study, the thinking about this has evolved this study by two Canadian researchers followed a hundred and fifty nine college students and found. That resisting temptation actually had nothing to do with success instead simply experiencing temptation whether or not they resisted left the students feeling depleted and less likely to reach their goals. It wasn't about self control at all. It was more about how they organized their environment. Okay. So how to apply this well, enter the counter intuitive practice of quote, effortless self control. Here's what that means. So organize your work and life to minimize temptation. Use an app to keep you off line while you're working, put your phone and a drawer while you do your homework. If you wanna stick to your diet, don't go to McDonalds and try to piece together a healthy meal. Just go somewhere where the entire menu as healthy, it's way easier to avoid temptation altogether than to try to resist it. And that frees up energy we can use to be our best. Okay. Okay. Time for a quick break. This week, savvy psychologist is sponsored by the audiobook edition of the happiness curve by award winning journalist, Jonathan rash, drawing on cutting edge research row explains why the midlife slump is actually essential. He demonstrates that by shifting priorities away from competition and toward compassion, you can gain new tools for wisdom and gratitude to succeed in the third period of your life. Read by Robert fast. This audio book will change your life by showing you how life changes. Listen to an excerpt now at MacMillan audio dot com. Slash happiness curve. Okay. So now back to classic tip number four.
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on KGO 810
"Swear i'd walk six blocks and they're already filthy and mike so maybe plastic shoes aren't such a bad idea other than they're supposed to be bad for your health now and they're bad for the planet of plastic never ever ever goes away whereas leather degrades but that's not vegan to wear leather shoes so now you're plastic shoes it never biodegrade they're environmentally unfriendly and by the way those socalled natural biodegradable apparently have lots of toxic side effects well can't win for losing to san can't win for losing all right well i oh my goodness we're going to check in i are you busy being defensive i'm i'm i feel defensive about that by the way dr ellen hendrickson is gonna join me her latest article in psychology today how to stop getting defensive ten traffic chilton auto body traffic desk southbound two eighty is lightning up trying to get into the downtown san jose area even though the right lane remains closed at the northbound eighty seven and that ramp shut down as well due to a bunch of standing water it might take still a few hours for that to all clear out in the meantime your backup is to meridian if you need to get into the downtown area obviously use bird avenue instead don't us highway eighty seven in addition northbound eight eighty is an alternate is slow from two eighty up to highway one on one northbound eighty five year fremont avenue a crash in the right lane pretty solid backup there from stevens creek southbound one zero one near marsh iraq in.
"Welcome back to the savvy psychologist. I'm Dr. Ellen Hendrickson and every week I'll help you meet life's challenges with evidence based research, a sympathetic ear and zero judgment. Today's episode is brought to you by elevated fitness. When you do too many reps of an exercise, your form suffers and you could wind up doing more harm than good. That's why elevated fitness created a series of low intensity workouts that are just as fun as they are short. Plus you can stream them anywhere anytime with no equipment required. So if you're ready to ditch the gym, subscribe at elevated fitness dot com. That's E L E V the number eight D fitness dot com and get your first month free today by entering promo code savvy at checkout. This week forgiveness. It's one of the first lessons we learn. A kid takes our Santos. The kid's parent makes him give them back and say, sorry, and what are we supposed to say next all together now it's okay, but as life moves along transgressions, get bigger and more complicated and eventually forgiveness becomes analogous to working out every day. It's ideal. It's healthy and it sounds great. In concept, but it's really hard to pull off in real life. So now before we get too far, let's define what we're talking about. What exactly is forgiveness? Essentially, it's a deliberate decision to release feelings of anger, resentment or vengeance towards someone who has hurt you. The opposite. Unforgiveness is a roiling mix of resentment, bitterness, hostility, hatred, anger, and fear. It's a mindset. But it also has physiological consequences such as immune suppression and cardiovascular stress. Unforgiveness isn't pleasant. So we try to find ways to reduce it. We may dig deep into denial, get revenge through tallying, pursue Justice through legal means create a convoluted story to explain what happened or simply move on with life, or we can forgive and forgiveness. It turns out is pretty great. A two thousand nine study found that people with higher forgiveness scores used less medicine had better sleep. Quality or less depressed, had more energy and enjoyed better cardiovascular health and greater life satisfaction. Not bad, but forgiveness can be a hard sell. It can feel as if forgiving means excusing the wrongdoing or forgetting it ever happened. Plus western culture promotes revenge much more than forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't play while on. TV and beef makes for much better publicity than when we all get along. But in your own life, beef isn't so pleasant. It hardens your heart. It can keep you stuck and bitter plus unforgiveness can inch you along the path of coming transgressor yourself. For example, a study out of the university of Malaita in Spain, found that among secondary school students who are victims of cyberbullying, those who scored higher in forgiveness were much less likely to become cyberbullies themselves. So what to do well, getting hurt by others is an inevitable part of life, and we'll call that pain, but holding a grudge ruminating on past offenses or otherwise, not forgiving. We'll call that suffering and suffering is optional. Ultimately, forgiveness is a decision. There is choice involved and don't let any. One including me tell you when to make the choice. You can forgive whenever you're ready or never, but this week by request from two separate listeners J in Boston and Mark in Italy, we'll tackle how to forgive, especially people who don't apologize. Remember only you can decide when and how to release those feelings, but these five things can help you along. Forgiveness factor. Number one is time. It's been said that time heals all wounds, but a study in the journal emotion found something much more specific. The researchers actually modeled the mathematical function between time and forgiveness, and I'm willing to bet that you're okay with the spoiler on this one. So here you go by three months after a transgression average forgiveness increases by to log odds units, and I'm not sure what that means either, but at least time heals all wounds now has an algorithm to back it up more. Importantly, the researchers found that forgiveness went along with valuing one's relationship with the offender. In short, if the person who
"Hello and welcome back to the savvy psychologist. I'm Dr. Ellen Hendrickson and every week I'll help you meet life's challenges with evidence based research, a sympathetic ear and zero judgment books are powerful. They can move us to act change our perspective and shape our lives. That's why I think you'd enjoy. But that's another story. A new podcast hosted by bestselling author will Schwab in each episode, he talks to writers artists athletes and politicians about the books that changed their lives, so don't miss, but that's another story. You can subscribe on apple podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcast just search for. But that's another story. Okay. For this week, what do a medieval fortress? A balled up porcupine and a limb fight have in common. They are all pros at getting defensive. Now, when we humans are faced with criticism, we often unleash our own equivalent of flaming arrows, a ball of spines or a cascades of antibodies. Getting defensive helps us protect our character and our sense of competence. When we feel like we're under attack, it makes sense that we pull up the drawbridge and ready the boiling oil. Sometimes we even get defensive with ourselves. It is our personal spin control. We distance ourselves from our mistakes, blame outside forces for our failures and judge others in order to affirm ourselves, or we drank or otherwise self medicate to cope with threats to our self image and self esteem. The only problem getting. With friends, your boss, your partner and yourself often backfires. It pushes people away, makes us look immature and sends a message that were unable to regulate our emotions. Now, short term in might feel like it's all we can do, but long-term, it undermines us and our relationships. When we lash out, we dig ourselves deeper. Therefore this week by request from listener, Ashley, and an anonymous listener. We examined five ways to stop getting so defensive. Okay. So let's start off with tip. Number one, which is remind yourself of your deepest values. Simple reminders of our deepest values can make us feel less defensive, and the best part is that it doesn't even have to be related to the criticism at hand. Okay. So for example, if you're economic performance gets criticized, you don't have to tamp down defensiveness. By thinking about all your past academic triumphs, psychological wounds it turns out can be healed indirectly. Thinking about your commitment to live in a healthy lifestyle, your religious faith, being a stellar parent, helping others making art or another value you hold dear, can shore up your self esteem and reduce the need to get defensive. Tip. Number two is to see criticism as a sign of others belief in your abilities. Okay. Do you remember how confusing seventh grade was you're still figuring out who you are and what you bring to the world and the feedback you get from adults like teachers and coaches makes a big impact. Therefore, it's at this age that many kids of color start to come to conclusions about whether they can trust mainstream institutions like school or whether they're being stereotyped, both praise and critical feedback can be confusing for kids of color. How do they know if they're being pandered to by Dulce who wanna prove they're not racist or on the flip side, how can they be sure criticism is justified or just driven by bias when it's getting defensive justified and when is it a misinterpretation? Well, a study from the journal of experimental psychology delved into this issue and the researchers tracked white. And African American seventh graders who received critical feedback from their white teachers on a draft of an essay for half the kids, both white and black teachers prefaced their feedback with the following affirmation. I am giving you these comments because I have very high expectations, and I know that you can reach them while the other half of the kids. Again, both white and black or simply given constructive feedback on their essays without the affirmative preface. Okay. What happened? The affirmation increased all students likelihood of handing a revision and increase the quality of their final draft. But the effects particularly strong among African American students whose mistrust of school had already begun indeed in an environment that can feel like invalidation by a thousand cuts. These kids were already feeling defensive. So among the black kids who were only given the. Struck of criticism that slow decline of trust in school continued over time. But in the group told by teachers, they could reach high standards that declining trust stopped in its tracks. So how does this apply to you? Well, even if the magic words of by believe
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on The Psych Central Show
"Welcome to the site central show why each episode presents an indepth look at issues from the field of psychology and mental health with host gay powered and co host vincent m wales hello and welcome to this week's episode of the sykes central show podcast my name is gave howard and with me is always is vincent amil wales had started i wanna tell you how to interact with vinson i it's really really easy you can suggest topics you could comment on the show and you can be the first to get updates and all you have to do is use facebook which let's be honest you already do it anyways just join are super secretive a facebook group so secretive or advertising it over at sect central dot com slash fbi show again that's like central dot com slash f these show let's go ahead and get started vince we have a great guest with us would you like to do the honours of introducing her sure but since would you colmey vents let's let's rare it is a rare occurrence but i have decided to respect your professional to him and a cirque calling you of vince on the show oh this will last about two seconds probably yes take it away them okay with us today's dr ellen hendrickson she is a clinical psychologist on the faculty at the center for anxiety and related disorders at boston university so as you might gas where here talked about anxiety welcome to the show dr hundreds bank it looked i'm excited to be here we want to start out and jump in with with kind of an easy question but what is the difference between a socialist zaidi and being shy though in general social anxiety and it are the same thing so sign it in every day colloquial way of saying oh flying that eighty four introversion that actually really different so a lot of people think that china and introversion are you know they're the same thing or kinda tomato tomato but i like say they're really more like apple in orange.
"dr ellen hendrickson" Discussed on Advice from Mom
"If you're interested dr ellen hendrickson has researched the topic of perfectionism the podcast is called nine hidden signs of perfectionism in it she says perfectionism is tricky a tiny sprinkling can be good but a generous helping is paralysing and selfdefeating this podcast indeed made me realise if i am not all the symptoms i have many of them o o without an unhappy uh discovery a little bit i mean it sounds like this this listener is embracing the term perfectionist but the strongest points of the episode to me was when she talks about how it's fine to aim high but it's another thing to be paralysed in consumed by the fear of making mistakes and the fear of being judged which i think recently rejected a seeing the dark side of this perfectionism yes but that in itself that recognition and that reaching out to even asked the question absolutely the hardest step and the first step toward healing i love the idea of doing something physical i think that's really really empowering to learn something new as an accomplishment and i love the example you gave the guy who builds the house because he brings the power back into his life in a way that a corporation had kinda it sounds like kind of robbed him from his power but that house was totally under his control absolutely and i think that sense of control that you're talking about is so pivotal especially of the um the career building aspect.